Naruto 1. I've got all these 'booboos', you see

_A/N: Aw, look what I did. c: A late New Year's Gift! Happy New Years everyone! It was suppose to be typed out on the first, however... Turns out, work was begging me to come, and even paid me extra. (Everyone needs monies. D:) This is just a little evil something that popped in my head while listening to, surprisingly, The Academy Is… Go figure. Only a freaking pervert like me could turn 'The Phrase That Pays', the song that inspired me, into something perverted. XD But yeah, I typed all this out just now, and I hope I didn't look over too many mistakes... _**So this part of the A/N is IMPORTANT SO READ IT. This will be ****only!**** a one shot **_**unless!**_** people want me to continue it as either a) the continuation of DeixSak's little adventures or whatever or maybe b) a series of one shots involving any kinda fetish you people can think of. XD Then there's c), which is to make this a two-shot or slightly more... Then there's d), which is when you, the readers, give me an opinion of what you think I should do with this, that is, if you don't like either of the other two options. You peoples can either put your opinion on the bottom of your review, or I could make a poll if you wish. But please don't make that the only thing in your review; I'd like some feedback on this. But anyway. –Shrugs- The fate of this fic is up to you... And if option b) is chosen, then I may have to change the title, rating, and summary (very probable.) So yeaaah… Anyway, with that said, I won't keep you waiting. Here it is. C:**

**Oh Doctor, Doctor!**

_I've got all these 'boo-boos', you see…_

-

'_Alright. So. How exactly did this happen?' _The pinkette mused silently to herself as she gazed around the barren room, emerald irises slowly rolling over every detail of the room as best as she can manage. Oh, it was barren all right. There was_ nothing _in the room at all, aside from an old mattress on the floor, stuffed unceremoniously in the right top corner of the ivory tinted room. Well, the room was suppose to be _white_, seeing how in some spots it was, in fact, a brilliant bright white. However, the majority of the room was this, almost sickening, yellow-ish white color. Whether it was purely age that caused the discoloration of the room, Sakura couldn't tell.

'_Oh, that's right; those bastards completely CHEATED!'_ she roared in her mind as she struggled, to no avail, against the bindings.

Currently, she was just lying on her side in the middle of the room on the dirty, stained room, her arms and legs bound in chakra strengthened bindings. Her thin, fragile looking wrists were bound behind her, her ankles in the same shape. There was something also around her neck; it felt cold and heavy, almost like a collar…. What?! If it was what she thought it was, then those perverted bastards were going to get it! The nerve! And the bastards, (she refused to call them anything but that) also didn't even have the decency to put her on the damn bed! Ahem… So back to the problem at hand. How, exactly, _had_ Sakura ended up at one of the _Akatsuki's bases _anyway? Naturally, when being held against your will, it was only natural they had specific precautions set up for her. (IE, the bindings and the special little room they have set up just especially for her. Oh joyous. The bastards had this all planned out, didn't they? Ugh, of course they did.) But how, exactly, did they apprehend her then? Well…

--

_Fluttering and dancing alongside with the wind as its partner, pink shoulder length locks slowly flowed lithely, like silk through water, around the emerald-eyed young woman. At seventeen, Sakura had made it into the ANBU rank. Now, very recently turning eighteen, Sakura was still considered new in her rank, so Tsunade naturally gave her, along with her more experienced teammates, easier missions. Naruto was a part of said team, making the ranking at the same time as she herself, seeing as the two promised they take these sort of tests at the same time. The other two on the team were much more experienced and hadn't once complained about receiving both new members and easier missions. In fact, they looked a bit relieved that the missions were easier and that the pay was still good. _

_At the moment, they were on one of these said missions, gazing around a seemingly lifeless forest. Now normally, Tsunade wouldn't want Naruto to go too far, seeing how the Akatsuki are still out and about. Though, seeing how there hadn't been one single active report of them lately from any village whatsoever, Tsunade finally saw it safe enough for Naruto and them to go a bit farther. She even upped the ranking to a high A. (She didn't quite classify it as a S, yet it was harder than the usual A. So, with Tsunade logic in play, it was now a 'High A'… Eh, they went along with it anyway.) It wasn't much of a mission, really; just follow a small group of missing nin from Mist rumored to have been spotted around the outer border. They were suppose to scout out any information from them (if there was any, that is) then either eliminate them, or bring them back to Mist alive for punishment, the latter being the more preferred, seeing how Konoha's relationship with them was a little more than shaky._

_Turns out, it was false. Yes, the information on these 'missing nin' was completely false. And Tsunade said she got the information from a trustworthy source! But that didn't mean there weren't any missing nin about. Of course there were, when was luck ever on their side? Instead of a group of Mist missing nin, they only found one along with one from Konoha. Yep, it was none other then infamous Kisame and Itachi._

_ It was… Very hard for Sakura to describe the battle that suddenly ensued between the powerful shinobi. It was almost like a blur to her, really. The more experienced nin of their ANBU team decided to each take on a member of the Akatsuki, ordering Sakura and Naruto to remain strictly back-up. (Especially Sakura, since she had become a very experience medic in her training sessions with Tsunade in the past years.) Their teammates struggled with the two Akatsuki members, their movements quick and graceful, precise and deadly… However, they just weren't precise enough, nor were they quite deadly enough either. _

_Trees had large gashes in them, falling victim to the wrath of Kisame's blade as well as a few stray swings of a katana from one of the ANBU. Heck, by now, Sakura was pretty sure a tree had fallen. The ground was broken in, slashes marring the once flawless grassy surface, small craters and ruble also littering its surface. Random kunai and shuriken had too pierced the ground and the surrounding trees. In just a matter of minutes, the small patch of forest the shinobi were peacefully gazing around in had turned into a full-blown out battlefield. Soon enough, against orders, Naruto couldn't take watching them any longer and joined in, deciding to help out the one whom had been having the most trouble, which so happened to be the one whom was battling Itachi. Sakura had called out to him, told him they were after him and that he had to _get out of there as soon as possible you **idiot**_! But Naruto, naturally, didn't listen._

_About to step in herself, Sakura took a few steps forward, only to suddenly stop dead in her tracks. Jade irises quivered in her sockets, pupils contracting to mere pin-sized dots. And with that, said jade orbs became lidded, the light vanishing from her eyes before she slumped forward, the darkness swimming before her lidded eyes before it consumed her sight altogether… Apparently, Kisame and Itachi weren't the only Akatsuki there. This one, the tricky little bastard, had been lurking quietly and carefully in the shadows, masking his chakra with such expertise, even someone like Sakura hadn't noticed through all the mayhem his signature. The last, and only, thought that ran through her mind before she crumpled in an unconscious heap had been, _'Naruto… I'm sorry. Stay safe.'

---

…The next thing she knew, she woke up here in this god-forsaken room with a skull-splitting headache.

She groaned loudly, her green gaze concentrated solely on the floor, which was looking really good right about now for some possible skull smashing. Oh, it was very tempting indeed, especially with how stupid she must have looked on the battlefield. Either the Akatsuki had predicted what would happen, which was for the more experience ANBU to order Sakura and Naruto to stay behind, then for Naruto to join in, ultimately leaving Sakura by her lonesome, then have one of the Akatsuki's other guys swoop in unnoticed and knock out Sakura. Ugh! She felt so stupid! This just had to have all been planned out! They were tricky, conniving bastards, after all. But just then, a thought abruptly shot out from her angry thoughts. Upon bringing up the subject of Naruto, she began to wonder if they had managed to capture him as well. Her eyes widened at the thought. No. They couldn't have… Could they?

And anyway, why did they grab her too if they had him?! She scowled. Damn it, this better not be one of those cliché 'capture-Sakura-the-close-friend-as-bait-for-the-Kyuubi-container' plots! Especially when Naruto was right there, battling along side the steadily losing ANBU.

Just then, a door from behind her opened, causing Sakura to blink quickly, craning her neck the best she can over her shoulder to try and see whom it was. And what do you know! It's the Ino-look-alike! She snorted and rolled her eyes, laying her head back upon the floor. Well, to be honest, he didn't look that much like Ino... Just the fact that they both had hair covering one of their eyes was the only real similarity between the two... But it was still fun to use it as an insult against the bastard. The blonde pouted, his lower lip protruding slightly. "Oh, Cherry-chan. I'm hurt. Aren't you happy to see me?" he asked, feigning a hurt expression along with the pout.

Sakura merely rolled her eyes at him, a low growl rumbling in the back of her throat. "What? What was that, Cherry-chan?" Deidara asked in an all too sweet tone, taking a few steps closer to her. The bastard. He knew very well that she couldn't reply with this thing over her mouth! The 'thing' just happened to be a strip of tape, which had a small inscription of kanji characters on it. What did it read, you ask? 'Speak no evil'. That's what was on it. The bastards were, again, making fun of her, without her even knowing no less! He walked over to her until he was in front of her, cocky smirk set in on his lips. She looked up at him and narrowed her eyes, which in Sakura language must have just about screamed, 'get away from me you bastard.' And silently, she wondered why -with a roll of the eyes- he wasn't even tempted to turn to his heels and leave.

And just then, one of his slender hands reached forward quickly and ripped the tape off from her lips. On the outside, her glare merely intensified. However, on the inside, she was screaming her head off about how much it freaking stung! He merely smiled a sadistic smile before grabbing her forearm and lugging her to her feet. From behind, the blonde quickly cut the chakra bindings off of her ankles, enabling her to stand firmly on her own two legs. He took hold of her wrists, grasping her wrists with harsh force as he leaned in, close to her ear. "Try anything, dear Cherry-chan, and I won't hesitate in blowing you to smithereens, yeah." He said suddenly, his voice coated in false sugar. You know, that nasty sugar substitute? A bit too sweet, but at the same time, not quite the right sweet you're looking for? Yeah, his voice was even worse then that.

He abruptly pushed her to the bed, her smaller form landing none-too gracefully upon it. Her head had almost hit the wall for crying out loud! Deidara chuckled softly, resting one of his slightly callused hands upon one of her slender shoulders. "You understand then, don't you? I don't need to remind you that this room has special… Precautions to ensure your stay, yeah?" His visible cerulean blue orb shone with an odd, unreadable gleam, as though he took pleasure in all this! Freak! Though, he was probably right; this room probably had god-knows what in and around it, knowing the bastards and their careful planning. She'd really have to think out her escape. Sighing softly in defeat (she made sure to make it sound that way), she nodded her head softly, her pink locks bouncing with every movement. At the moment, Sakura thoroughly refused to speak with the Akatsuki scum.

A soft, deep and smooth chuckle bubbled from the depths of his throat, "Good. I'll be back then. Don't you move. Wouldn't want anything to happen now would we, hm?" He mockingly asked, his tone sounding a bit lighter than it had been a few seconds before.

And with that, he left the room, carefully shutting the door behind him. Slowly, Sakura gazed around the room more carefully, noticing that there were actually two doors in the room. Hmm, perhaps one of them led to a bathroom. But anyway. How the hell was she going to get herself out of this mess? Thinking for a few moments, she looked over her person, not finding as single item, other than her clothes, that could help her out. Both her weapons and medical bag had been taken from her, leaving her with just the clothes on her back. She no longer felt the reassuring pressure of a kunai against her ankle or her thigh either. Nope, nothing but clothes. She sighed, trying with all her might to ignore the fact that maybe the bastards had done some sort of strip search in order to make sure she was rid of all her weapons. Oh yes. She most definitely had to keep that out of her mind in order to stop herself from –attempting- to kill yet another Akatsuki member.

A few more short minutes passed, and still, she couldn't think of much. Maybe if she found out why she had been caught in the first place… But really, she swore, if this was some stupid plan on getting Naruto through her, then they had another thing coming!

Soon enough, Deidara entered the room once more, smirking from ear to ear. He held a tall glass of water in one hand, a shiny apple in the other. Offering her the apple, he out stretched his arm to her. Although the kunoichi was pretty hungry, she refused to eat or drink anything of their's! What if it was-

"It's not poisoned, if that's what you think." He practically snorted out, that cocky smirk still in place upon his lips. "What would be the point of going through the trouble of brining you here only to kill you with poison? How boring, yeah." The explosives expert concluded with a nod, setting down her cup of water next to the mattress and the apple upon the bed as he sat down upon said bed.

It was silent between the two for a few moments, the emerald-eyed kunoichi looking any where but at the blonde beside her. The faint lights from above her flickered slightly, making a slight bussing sound that disrupted the silence for a brief second before returning to its original state. It was then that Sakura decided to break the blanket of silence, only to pipe in with a few unanswered questions. "Alright then. So tell me. Why the hell am I here, huh?" The pink-haired kunoichi all but snapped, her lips practically curling back into a snarl. At the look on her face, Deidara chuckled, shaking his head slightly, "Later," he responded, pausing before looking back at her. God, that smirk was beginning to piss her off now. Hiding something important from her, the bastard! And he acted so damn cocky around her! Like he was rubbing it in her face that he knew and she didn't! Ugh, prick! "Alright then, so why are you still here?" Alright, this time, she had to admit, she completely snarled at him, her eyes narrowed to mere slivers of emerald, upper lip twitching every so often.

"Hmmmm…" He began, drawing it out as he gingerly rubbed his chin with his index finger and thumb. "Oh, that's right. Well, I should be guarding you, just in case you try anything suspicious, but also, I was curious, yeah…" He said, nodding, as though silently agreeing with his answer. Again, the jade-eyed beauty rolled her eyes, "Curious,_ yeah_?" She mocked, her eyes no longer narrowed as she gazed at him with a mocking smirk of her own. Instead of seeming insulted, Deidara just nodded, his smirk still in place. "Yeah!" He replied cheerfully, smiling all the while. However, really, he was quite ticked at the obvious insult. He'd gotten it a lot, and he did not want to see her accomplished smirk adorn her lips. However, he couldn't guarantee if he could pull off such a stunt again

At his response, her eyes narrowed again. Bastard. Bastard. BASTARD. "Curious about _what_?" She managed to ground out between clenched teeth, trying her best to at least put on a smirk. Seeing her discomfort, his gaze momentarily darting down to her fisting and unfisting hands, Deidara had quite the hard time holding back his laughter. However, he managed, and replied with, "What else? You." He'd said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, his tone screaming 'duh' loud and clear. Cocky little… She sighed, resisting the urge to roll her eyes yet again. After managing to control her anger, she looked back up at Deidara, only to find that he was _staring_ at her. She stared right back at him, completely unnerved by him. Sure, he was a insane, S-class murderer part of an equally crazed organization… But oddly, the attitude he put off suggested he really wouldn't hurt her… Unless she gave him a reason to, that is... Alright, so that put her off a little.

"…What are you looking at?" she asked, raising a brow at him. The blonde explosives expert just stared at her for a few more moments before abruptly standing, choosing not to answer her rudely asked question. (The thought that staring was rude, apparently, never occurred to him.) He'd concluded, in his staring, a few things. One, that she was rather pretty. Her beauty was exotic, what with her pink hair and light green eyes and all. Her breasts weren't enormous, dare he say that they were, maybe, just right? She wasn't ultra curvy, though still rather attractive. And two, that maybe, while doing such a boring 'assignment', he could make this more interesting and fun... At least, for him.

A wild, untamed grin slowly curled upon his lips…

"…Let's play a game."

Her gaze slowly shifted up to his face, watching the mischief dancing in his one visible azure eye and how damn taunting that smile was (she ignored the fact that his smile was dazzling, despite how crazed it really looked.) Sakura watched him carefully for a few moments, afraid to answer his suggestion. Play a game? Oh god, what did this sicko consider a 'game'? Blowing up buildings? Blowing up toddlers? Tossing infants? Torturing squirrels? Torturing _her_? DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS? Other sickening thoughts streamed through her oddly active imagination, her silence bothering Deidara to no end. He rolled his eyes at her, grabbed her arm surprisingly gently, and stood up, pulling her up with him.

The blonde stood in front of her silently, the grin shifting back into his signature smirk. "We're going to play a game of doctor and patient, yeah. You're the doctor, and I'm the patient…" Oh, that smirk of his practically gleamed with mischief. Though, despite the obvious plotting behind his cocky smirk and gleaming eyes, she had to put her opinion in on his suggestion –now more like a demand- of playing this little 'game'. "What? How old are you, five?! Why would you want to play such a childish game?!" She all but yelled at him, her eyes narrowing. What the hell was he up to?

He just chuckled in response to her and shook his head, moving behind her slowly before cutting the chakra ropes from off of her. "Just to remind you, you're out of chakra, and even if you weren't, we have a _special_ accessory here that'll make sure you don't try anything with it…" The blonde stated, gently slipping his slender finger under the collar only to tug lightly at it, a soft chuckle bubbling from the depths of his throat. She glared at him silently, her hunch about there being some sort of collar to restrain her chakra being completely correct.

She scowled as he suddenly appeared in front of her, displaying just how fast he could be. The pinkette wasn't stupid; she knew the example of his speed was a bit of a threat. It clearly said how fast he was and that he wouldn't struggle in catching up with her. Sakura had been about to respond, until Deidara quickly cut in, a pout present on his lips rather than his usual smirk.

"Doctor… I'm not feeling so well."

She rolled her eyes. Oh. He had to be kidding. He looked at her, the pout more evident than it had been moments before… Oh God no. He was serious about that whole game thing? When she didn't respond, his hand abruptly darted out and grasped her wrist harshly, though the playful pout never left his lips.

…Sakura sighed. Defeated.

"…What's wrong?" She asked with a groan and a tone that suggested she was bored out of her mind.

He sighed dramatically. Oh here we go.

"I've got all these 'boo-boos', you see..." The blonde bastard said, still pouting innocently. Innocent. Him. Yeah, alright.

"What the hell are you talking about?! You don't have a scratch on you!" She roared with narrowed eyes and fisted hands.

Deidara shook his head and sighed, looking off to the side as though he were ashamed. "No, no. But I do. You see, under my shirt..." He said, trailing off as he looked back up at her expectantly. Did he expect her to...? Oh no. No, no, no. She wasn't taking part of this -suddenly perverted- game any longer. So, what did she do? She didn't respond. The pinkette crossed her arms across her chest, her eyes becoming mere slivers of emerald. He gazed into her narrowed eyes, the pout _still _present on his lips, even as the bastard tightened his grip on her wrist for a moment or so before releasing her.

..Another sigh escaped past her lips.

Deidara: 2 Sakura:... a whooping 0

"'Boo-boos' you say, eh...What kind of... 'Boo-boos'... Do you have under there?" She asked, trying desperately to prolong the inevitable. -Which was the removal of the blonde bastard's shirt.

His pout slipped off his lips for a moment, revealing what his lips really wanted to do at the moment; grin. Deidara's grin quickly vanished as quickly as it had appeared and the pout was up again. "Well... I would take off my shirt and tell you, doctor, but I just feel so weak..." He said, a bit over-dramatically. But oh he was having too much fun with this kunoichi. She was quite fun to tease... And to play with.

She had to stop herself from rolling her eyes for the millionth time that day. Hesitantly, she unclasped the clasps of the Akatsuki cloak, merely letting it drop to the floor and pool around the blonde's ankles unceremoniously. His pout, again, fell from his lips, a teasing smirk plastered there in its stead. Mentally, she braced herself as her fingers trailed down to the brim of his mesh shirt. And mentally, she was also cursing him off, but that was beside the point.

Sakura gripped the edge of his shirt and lifted it slowly at first, gazing at the slightly sun-kissed skin underneath. She quickly shut out her inner self, whom had begun to point out how he was quite nicely sculpted. Not too muscular, but not too lean either. Very pleasant. Though she tried not to gawk, Deidara had seen her momentary pause in the removal of his shirt... And his over-sized ego swelled. However, he didn't let on that he'd seen her stare a second to long at his chest and mid-section.

Once she'd pulled it over his head, she'd tossed it carelessly to the side, her bored and slightly annoyed expression back in play. "I'd don't see anything that looks remotely like a 'boo-boo'." She commented as she crossed her arms across her chest, looking more than displeased and bothered.

He didn't even bother hiding his smirk with a pout any more.

"Oh, they're there alright... And they're so painful... Doctor... Could you kiss them better?" He asked, making his last sentence sound sickeningly sweet. Oh. Great. Why didn't she see this coming?

"No way-!" She started, but never got to finish, for he quickly raised one of his slender, large hands and pressed a finger to her lips.

"But _Doctor_..." His lower lip quivered, "They just hurt _so bad_. You've _got _to help me..." The blonde's voice was both sweet, innocent, and.. Threatening? Oh yeah, definitely a bit threatening. He traced her lower lip for a moment or so before he drew his finger back, watching the pink-haired medic carefully. She quickly resisted the almost over-powering urge to rub her bottom lip, as though his finger had left visible evidence of being there. But it felt like his damned finger was still there, for her lip tingled scarcely. She quickly ignored it. Ugh, it looks like she was going to have to get this over with as quickly as she could.

"...Where does it hurt?" She asked with, yet another, sigh.

A grin curled upon his lips as he pointed to his shoulder. She leaned in close and gently kissed his shoulder, her soft lips barely grazing the surface of his smooth skin. "Now lower." He suddenly stated, causing her to look back up at him, her eyes narrowed. Her head dipped slightly as she gingerly kissed his collarbone, eliciting a slightly shudder to wrack his built frame.

"Lower."

Cursing loudly at him in her mind (who knew someone who looked so innocent has such a colorful vocabulary?), she kissed and inch or so less beneath his collarbone. His smirk grew.

"Lower.." He repeated, watching her through slightly lidded cerulean blue hues.

Her lips ghosted over his pectoral muscle, which twitched slightly under her lips' touch.

His voice deepened slightly as he once again said, "Lower..."

_'God damn this bastard! I swear, when I get out of here, he's the first one going on my hit list of Akatsuki to kill!'_ Her mind screamed, though she gave no hinting of her thoughts. She kissed softly under his pectoral muscle, her green gaze set upon the floor as she pulled her lips away. She couldn't take it any more. She'd been about to just walk away from him, back to the bed maybe. However, he must have sensed her plotting, for one of his larger hands, surprisingly gently, threaded through her pink locks and anchored itself in place.

"..Lower."

Again, he said the dreadful word! Now she was beginning to get too low to just bend her neck. So she squatted slightly and kissed him again.

"...Lower."

Smooth lips pressed against warm, taut skin again.

"Lower..." His hand messaged her scalp, his form was slightly hunched over as his other hand firmly placed at the nape of her neck, encouraging her light, yet enticing, actions.

She kissed his navel now, his muscles twitching beneath her lips..

"Lower." He practically groaned this out, his visible eye momentarily shutting.

Now, she kissed the area just above his hip bone.

"Lower..." His voice almost sounded breathy as his hand momentarily left her pink locks, only to softly trail his warm fingertips against the side of her face, leaving a strange tingling feeling in his fingers' wake... Was he enjoying this a little too much? Just her luck; of course he was.

UGH. She kissed his hip bone, her lips lingering a second longer then she would have liked.

"Nn... Low-"

"You know damn well where I'll be if I kiss any where lower you damn perverted bastard!" She interrupted him with a shout, red in the face. Whether it was from anger or embarrassment, she wasn't sure. It was probably a combination of the two. Who cared if he was an S-class criminal?! He definitely wasn't going to get away with this so damned easily, nor was he going to get anything like_ that_.

His wide smirk turned into an even wider grin as his fingers trailed back to her hair, gingerly stroking her silky smooth pink locks. "But, Doctor Cherry..." What the hell is this now? A damned pet name?! "The absolute _worse _injury of all is there, yeah.." Then, he chuckled softly. "Hm, it seems that you're going to have to take off these too." He said, and he quickly removed his hand from the nape of her neck, only to use said hand to slip his thumb under the brim of his dark pants. Oh she wasn't stupid. She knew exactly what he meant when he said 'worse injury'. Fucking. Sadistic. Pervert. His grip on her hair tightened, making it no longer gentle and, dare she say, a bit comforting despite the fact that it was the blonde bastard's hand in her hair.

Alright. Now she couldn't take it any more. "I don't _care_ how 'bad' it is, I'm not going down there!" She snarled at him, close to barring her non-existent fangs at him. His hand remained in her hair, fisting itself tightly in her soft, smooth and silk locks. "Oh, but I think you do, Doctor Cherry..." The blonde bastard was still playing this sick little game. "The Patient always comes first, does he not? Besides, there may be... consequences if the Doctor doesn't do her job correctly, yeah." Although it was obviously a threat, the statement was said in a such a deep purr, almost as though he'd never said such a thing and was attempting to seduce her.

She ground her teeth together, using all will-power she possessed not to try and knock the dumb blonde's lights out. Oh god, she was really going to have to do this, wasn't she?

**_'Well, although he lacks in the personality department, at least he is pretty h-' _**

_'NO NO, don't you dare! Don't even think about finishing that sentence!' _

She really didn't need to admit to herself that, why yes, he was, in fact, quite attractive. And that she wondered what he really would be like if he wasn't a crazed member of Akatsuki. Nope. Her pride would not allow it. She would never allow it, damn it!

Currently, he was grinning down at her and, freeing his hand from the brim of his pants, leaned over and grasped Sakura's wrist, bringing it to the very spot where his hand had been moments ago. While her wrist was in his hand, she felt something _wet _and _slimy_ slide against her wrist... Sakura ignored it. She really didn't want to know, and didn't need any surprises at the moment. She was having enough 'fun' with being forced to... Well, yeah... _That_.

"Come on, _Doctor_..." He encouraged her, gingerly stroking her hand in an almost caring manner, though she couldn't help but pick up the teasing in his tone when he uttered the word 'doctor'. Alright, alright. So, since she didn't want to die quite yet, she braced herself once again and unbuttoned his dark pants, sliding them off his narrow hips until they too fell and pooled exotically around his ankles. _'Thoughts, Sakura. Thoughts.'_ She scolded herself mentally, her sea foam green gaze planted firmly on the liquid-like cloth that had collected around his ankles. Deidara stepped out of them and kicked them to the side, kicking his Akatsuki robes off to the side along with the pants.

Alright. She was only doing this to avoid death. He was an S-class criminal, after all, and would not hesitate in killing her if she didn't do as told... No other reason. Though, then again, he could just kill her anyway right after she'd finished... She shook her head briefly. No, no! That would not happen! She sighed and pressed her lips gently against the waistband of his boxers, the blonde explosives master still smirking down at her. "Doctor, I think you, being a _Doctor _and all, know that that's not where the injury is..." Damn right it wasn't. She could see the 'injury' just fine, which was pushing against the fabric of the soft garment. "...I see it, don't worry."

Teasingly, she stroked the bulge slowly and slightly, her index and middle fingers merely ghosting over the covered arousal. His form quivered slightly, shuddering from Sakura's teasing strokes. Figures the little hellion would try to get back at him in some way, even if it wasn't quite the way Sakura had in mind. Her revenge schemes

About to pull the boxers down, a knock suddenly rang throughout the room. Sakura, at hearing the intruding noise, bolted right up... Then she looked back at Deidara, a wide, wide smile upon her lips. This smile seemed to scream, 'YES! There is a god!' Oh god, what a lucky break that was! Mentally, she was cheering and jumping up and down while pointing at Deidara, screaming 'in your face!' repetatively. Soon after knocking, the door cracked open slightly, before a deep, smooth voice traveled through the thick air of the room. "Your shift's over, Deidara..." The other voice did not question why Deidara was practically naked... Nor did he question why his cheeks were flushed with a deep red, or why his breathing was heavy and a bit irregular.

Deidara's eyes narrowed at the voice. Bastard. He did it on purpose! Ruining his fun like that! And just when they were getting to the good part too. Reluctantly, he began collecting his clothes and pulling them back on, feeling the gaze of the green-eyed kunoichi burning into his back. He knew she saw this as a win but oh, he'd get her back alright... Unless, that is, she was staring at his back for a whole different reason. Although he doubted the latter, he couldn't help but smirk at the thought. As he did the last clasp of his Akatsuki robe, he began to walk towards the door, an angry pout the present expression his face wore.

Sakura could barely contain the grin from sliding upon her lips.

Before he left the room, he stopped at the door and turned slowly towards Sakura. "Hey, Doctor Cherry. It's too bad one of your other appointments had to interrupt ours... It seems we'll have to reschedule, eh?.. I hope you can make it up to me and solve my problem, which I'm sure I'll still be having trouble with later on..."

With that, his cocky grin returned and he winked at her before leaving and closing the door behind him...

...Leaving a steaming Sakura to curse loudly to herself.

Deidara stood by the door for a few moments, listening to her display of vulgar language... Before chuckling softly to himself, walking off as he said softly to himself, "Such colorful language, yeah..."

----

**A/N: Alright, so that was your present. I must be on crack. Lawls, I kind of like Pervy!Deidara. Oh yah. I'm not dissing Dungeons and Dragons!... Really, I'm not. XP Anyways, review please! (And maybe even PM me!) I really need some opinions on what to do with this... Though, I have a haunting feeling that this is, at the very least, going to become a two-shot... Or more. Up to you guys! XD  
**


	2. Rez?

**A/N: ...Know what I just noticed? The initials for this fic are 'ODD!'. It fits, doesn't it? So, yeah, due to popular demand, I'm continuing with the DeixSak-ness... And uping the rating... -Mutters- Fuckin' pervs. -Is the one that thought this crack up in the first place.- xD Er, yeah. Though, the true fate of this fic is still undecided. Meaning, even I am not sure how long I'm going to make it. Troublesome. Anyway, thank you all so much for the reviews! I chuckled like a madman as I read some of them... And in return, received odd looks from my family. So... This... crack was thought up when I was taking a shower. (Get your mind out of the gutter. I didn't think up the perv parts in the shower. D:) Not kidding. I think up a lot of crap while I'm in the shower. I had originally wanted this up FOUR days earlier. However, I've been kind of sick recently, and a few of my friends have been badgering me to get rest and all that jazz... You know who you freaks are. Well. Here be the update.**

**Oh yah. Forgot this last chapter. (I always seem to...)**

**Disclamer: I still don't own Naruto. If I did, Sakura would be playing 'Doctor' more often, if you know what I mean. ;D ...You don't?.. Well, hm. Nuts to you then.  
**

**- **

**Oh Doctor, Doctor!**

_HOW CAN I REZ YOU IF YOU'RE ALL THE WAY OVER **THERE**?!_

-

Alright. So. Turns out, Sakura was completely and utterly lying before when she said being with Deidara (and playing that sorry excuse of a 'game' he'd so kindly forced her into partaking in) was torture. Turns out this was worse. Oh, it was far more worse. Who would have thought that one of the Akatsuki would be so enthralled in something so utterly horrendous, something so inexpectedly appalling? No, no... It was just like one of the Akatsuki to take interest in something like _this._ It seemed she didn't know how good she had it back with Deidara...

--

_Naturally, right after Deidara had left right after that_ pleasant_ bit of commentary of his, she'd cursed her head off at where he'd taken his leave from, hoping her vulgar words would carry to his ears. After she'd calmed and silenced herself (after all, she was sure he wasn't around to hear her opinion of just how much she liked his hair -so much so in fact, she began to describe in full detail how much she'd like to dye it a vomit colored green with sparkles, put it up with 'My Little Pony' hair clips and ribbons, and-), she sat upon the shaggy old mattress they dared to call a bed._

_Moments later, however, the door slammed open, revealing a man with slicked back silver locks (said locks looked so saturated in hair gel, like some gangster from some cheesy movie) and glimmering purple irises. "Shit, I can't believe I have to fucking babysit some little brat." She shot him glare that would have, if it had the power to do so (which at the moment, she wished it did), kill him ten thousand times over and then some. He just sneered at her, eyes narrowing at her as his eyes slowly slipped up and down her form. That was then she could practically see the light bulb light over his head (it was an energy efficient light bulb in Sakura's mind -and yes, she was energy efficient), causing his silver locks to gleam brightly against the (completely imagined) energy efficient light bulb. _

_He walked over to her, his strides long and quick. And as the silver locked Akatsuki walked towards her, he began pulling a strip of cloth out of his pocket. Thin, neatly trimmed pink brows furrowed in confusion at first before realization flashed over her delicate features. Oh God. He was one of those freaks, wasn't he?! He was a pervert, just like Deidara! Only, this freak didn't just want to act out 'Doctor and Patient'. Oh no. He was probably into S and M! She gulped slightly, loud enough to be audible to the silver-haired Akatsuki. There was no way in HELL she'd do something like this! Way too kinky for her, thank you very much! Sakura instantly stood, defiance clear in her stiff posture. Hidan, finding it comical in his own odd way, chuckled and shook his head. "Just let me put the fucking blindfold on. I'm just going to bring to another god damn room. Shit, it's too fucking boring in here. I can't do jack-shit in here. So sorry I don't fucking want to sit in a room that smells like shit."_

_...She didn't think it was possible to use 'shit' and 'fucking' so many times in just five sentences. After blinking her slightly widened emerald orbs, she took a step back, her scowl back in place. "Where the hell are you taking me? Why do I have to wear a blindfold?" Sakura growled out, close to getting into a defensive position. Damn it, she was getting sick of this already! She wanted to know why they snatched her and took her here, wanted to know why they were so reluctant to tell her why, and most of all, wanted to get the hell out of here and away from all these freaks! _

_"Tch, relax. Fuck, no need to get your damn panties in a bunch," He started, a cruel smirk curling slowly upon his lips at the mentioning of panties... If she even wore any. He had to stifle a chuckle at his own thoughts. "I'm just taking you to a different room for now... One that doesn't smell like shit. I'd rather not fucking yak while just sitting around doing nothing. And the reason for the blindfold? Do you really think we're going to take the chance?" He rose a brow at her, as though challenging her, daring her to ask him just one more fucking question. Seriously, he just wanted to get all this crap over and done with. And he wanted to be entertained while doing it, if you know what I mean._

_Obviously, she didn't trust the bastard with the slicked back hair... It's always the one with the greasy hair. Her narrowed eyes answered for her. She didn't like this at all, obviously. Great, now she was going off to God knows where in whoever the hell this guy's was room. Perfect. And she didn't have a choice in the matter, did she? The pink haired kunoichi's silent questioning had been answered when he swiftly stepped behind her and tied the thick, black cloth over her eyes. Nope. Obviously, she didn't. _

_Swiftly -and none too gently- he grasped her wrist and started to drag her along behind him, leaving the stuffy, stained room and heading off toward another._

_---_

_Sakura was smartly counting her steps towards this new room they were traveling to. Who knows? Maybe it can help with her grand escape! (What? Didn't you know? Of course she was going to at least try and escape, damn it! It happens in every cliche story where she's captured and held hostage or whatever by whoever. If she didn't try and escape, now that's when you should wonder...) Finally, Hidan (she'd found out his name later on as they walked) stopped, pausing momentarily to open a door before tugging her along behind him once again. Once inside the room, she noted that he'd slammed the door closed before walking further into the room, shuffling who knows what around. Oh god. Why hadn't he taken off the blindfold?Did he intend for her to continue to wear it? Was he really another one of those freaks into weird, kinky crap?!_

_His footsteps resounded all around her as he approached her once again, "Tch, you could have taken it off yourself, dumbass." He muttered as he began to untie the dark, rough piece of cloth that had obscured her vision for what felt like hours. '_Tch,' _she mocked mentally, 'Like I really knew if we'd really arrived yet. Sorry, I'd rather not take the chance of taking it off then getting my head sliced clean off my shoulders for it.' Sakura thought to herself as the cloth was removed from her line of sight. Vibrant emerald hues narrowed into mere slits as she glared at Hidan, whom too had narrowed his eyes until all that was seen were mere slivers of violet. _

_Once their brief glaring contest was done with, Sakura's eyes merely became lidded, as though she weren't interested in a thing. On the contrary, she was inspecting the room's every little detail. It was better kept than the other one, however it was a bit... Creepy.. What with all the strange symbols painted upon each wall of the room in the dark dark crimson that vaguely reminded her of blood. Hell, it may have been for all she knew. He was a part of Akatsuki, after all. Though, she recognized that symbol from somewhere.. Where had she- oh... His necklace... Yeah, not going to ask._

_The room had no windows, as expected, and was somewhat plain looking. The bed wasn't nearly as horrible looking as hers had been, and wasn't just about the only thing in the room. There was also a nightstand beside the bed, two dressers against the wall adjacent from the one the bed was pressed against, and a table pushed against the wall the door had been carved in. On the table was quite the array of different colored papers messily stacked into shallow piles. Next and in between the piles was a computer and what looked to be a closed laptop. Why he had two computers, she wasn't sure. Perhaps he brought it with him on missions when he got bored? Who the hell knew. After she was finished with surveying the room, she looked back to the silvered haired Akatsuki, whom had been looking at her with what she could only describe as a cheshire cat grin._

_"Hey, Sakura-bitch... Wanna play a game?"_

_----_

"Sakura-bitch! What the fuck are you doing?! I need some fucking help already you damn whore!"

Aaaaaand now, -an hour later from that accursed question- that's how she ended up in this lovely mess.

"Fucking cunts! Ass-meat munching scum-wads! Damn it! Help me out already!" Hidan screamed at her... Despite being right next to her. She sighed heavily. Oh. Oh she really hated this.

"It's not my fault! You got yourself into that horde of charr!" She yelled back at him, motioning towards his screen.

That's right. She was motioning to his computer screen... Which displayed Hidan's 'charr', also known as his character's avatar, getting the shit beaten out of him by a bunch of other 'char'. That's right folks. One of the great members of Akatsuki played World of Warcraft. And he had even made an account for her... Her character just so happened to be a 'Priest' (how fitting, even with him she was a healer, a doctor -ugh, just the thought of that-) and he'd also made her character a... Gnome. Yes. A gnome. Great, right? And her SN?.. She glared at the name that read back at her, mockingly, teasingly, 'Doctor Cherry'. The bastard! He'd been listening in on them! He could have helped her out and maybe, hm, stop the crazed blonde she thought for sure was a woman at first!

So anyway. While Hidan's character was fighting off the large crowd of other characters, cursing them off as he sliced and casted spells and whatnot, her little priest (or priestess) sat off to the side, looking as though she were watching from afar.

"Fucking damn it!" Ok. That was when his character died.

"You had to die in a mob of charr." Sakura muttered with a sigh as she watched both her screen and his screen from the corner of her eye.. She didn't miss the glare he sent her.

"What the hell are you waiting for?"

Silence...

"Rez me! Rezz meee!" He screamed at her (did she detect a whining tone in there?), glaring at the other characters still hording around his -now very much dead- avatar.

"HOW CAN I REZ YOU IF YOU'RE ALL THE WAY OVER **_THERE_**?!" She growled, now making her character run even farther away from him so to avoid the others, which had obviously gotten bored with his dead character and were looking for something else to maim. "Besides, its not my fault you picked a fight with so many! Were they even on your level? Psh, I doubt it, they were probably higher." She said, rolling her emerald irises at him. Psh. Noob.

"YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME! WE'RE A TEAM, GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!"

Oh, but she was already _so_ far from him... Running, running, runnnnning... Run- "Ugh you fucking little-!" And _that_ was when he snapped and began to viciously grab for her keyboard in order to control her characters movements. Hey! No one controlled her freaky little gnome, Doctor Cherry, but her! She tugged back, causing him to growl at her and tug harder. But he didn't know how strong a pink haired girl could be, eh?! With one final tug, she regain the keyboard and control of her character. "...lol. Pwn'd." She muttered, making her character go farther-

"BITCH!"

So now instead of grabbing her keyboard, he grabbed _her_ and promptly tackled her to the ground, straddling her waist as he attempted to pin her wrists to the ground. Key word, attempted. She wasn't she going to lay around and do nothing! With a growl, she flipped the tables by grasping his wrists as well and turning both of their bodies, causing them to roll until she was on top... And that was when he did something similar, making him now on top.

They continued to struggle, wrestling with each other as they rolled around on the floor.

This little fight didn't go unheard. As the two wrestled, the doorknob quickly turned and thus, the door was pushed open.

"Hey, what the he-" He stopped himself short. Their, before Kakuzu's very odd eyes, was the hostage rolling around the floor with Hidan. It was a pitiful excuse for wrestling. They were just rolling around, mock-slapping each other as they pushed and shoved and did she just bite him? Blinking as he watched the two, whom didn't notice his presence over their own shouts, curses and other whatnot, Kakuzu slowly began to close the door as he called out, "Hey, Deidara! Want to see a girl fight?"

And with that, he left the two squabbling idiots...

"OW! Damn it! Why won't you just do what I fucking say?!" Hidan cursed at her for the zillionth time that day.

"Because it was your own goddamn fault, you noob!" Sakura ground out, pushing harshly against his chest, seeing how she had some how gotten turned over again.

A gasp sounded from the Akatsuki above her with the slicked back silver locks.

"Noob?! Me?! FUCK NO! If anyone's the noob around here, it's you!"

"I'm not the one who decided it would be a good idea to pick a fight with so many high level charr!"

"Who was picking a fight?!"

"You were, dipstick! What with your, 'Oh you fucking assholes don't know how to fight! You're all just a bunch of fucking wussies who can't even wipe their own asses!' and other assorted _crappy_ insults!"

"They weren't crap-"

The door swung open again, revealing Deidara, whom was grinning widely and maliciously from ear to ear, an odd gleam in his uncovered cerulean eye. "What, did Konan and Sakura meet-?" He stopped himself short, his visible cobalt orb blinking at the sight before him. On the floor, beneath Hidan lay Sakura, her bubble gum pink locks disheveled, pale smooth shoulder exposed due to the brim hanging against her upper arm, her cream colored skirt ruffled and pushed up to her mid-thigh. Her chest was heaving up and down in heavy, uneven breaths, causing her breasts to- he growled aloud, forcing the thoughts from his mind as he slammed his eye shut tight and shook his head slightly. Looks like that injury of his was going to reopen quite soon. This looks like a job for-

"It's not my fault! He grabbed the keyboard away from me and was going to control Doctor Cherry to go towards that mob just to heal his sorry ass! I stopped him, then he went crazy and fucking tackled me!" Sakura quickly interjected his thoughts and... Did she just say 'Doctor Cherry?' As in, the name he'd dubbed her while they were, ahem, playing? Speak of the devil. A cruel smirk slowly curled upon his lips. He hadn't a clue what the hell she was talking about (probably one of Hidan's dumb games or something), but the fact that she had used, even mentioned the nickname he'd given her, caused a little something to stir within him. Time for the nice act, huh?

"Hmm, I see." He then looked to Hidan, hardly concealing the dangerous smirk threatening to spill over his lips. "Slimy bastard, yeah." Before Hidan could even open his mouth in response, Deidara looked back to Sakura, the most friendly, heart warming smile curling his lips. It was so damned fake, yet, somehow, the pink haired kunoichi didn't seem to notice. Perhaps she'd hit her head or something while she and the 'slimy bastard' were 'wrestling'? And with that smile in place, Deidara quickly pushed Hidan off of Sakura with a rough shove of his foot, that charming smile in place as he held his hand out to Sakura to take (he was careful to keep the mouths on his hands closed.) Hesitantly, one of her smaller hands reached out and grasped his hand. He pulled her quickly to her feet, turning back to Hidan with a grin. "Your shift's over, Hidan... My turn again, yeah." The blonde's hand released Sakura's, only to grip her wrist tightly and securely. "Come on Sakura, hm." Deidara grunted, tugging her quickly and harshly towards the door.

Before they slipped out the door, Sakura couldn't help but stick her pink little tongue out at the religious freak. She closed the door behind her and was reveling in both the angered screams from the other side of the door, and the fact that she didn't have to wear an uncomfortable blindfold.

-----

Alright, someone must have some sort of vendetta against her or something. She'd forgotten, in the bliss of being dragged away from the silver-haired RPG loving freak, that her fate was now in the hands of the perverted blonde she-man. Said perverted blonde she-man was smirking as he dragged her off back towards her room, an odd glint gleaming in his cobalt orb. Why not his room? Well, he'd been sculpting earlier and it was still -a little- messy.

They reached her room quickly thanks to Deidara's hurried pace, and upon opening her door, he (almost literally) tossed her into the room, shutting the door behind him before doing a few hand seals. Finishing the succession of sequenced hand seals, he pressed his palm to the door and swiftly walked towards -a now glaring- Sakura. He pouted slightly, his brows curving elegantly against his almond shaped eyes. "Doctor Cherry..." Deidara whined sweetly. Oh christ, we're back to that crap now? Already?! "I don't know why you're _glaring _at me. I did, after all, save you from that bastard with half a tube of hair gel slicking his greasy hair back. He just screams shady, hm, Doctor Cherry?" A smirk now adorned his lips as he approached her slowly. It was almost as though he were a predator, staring down at his defenseless prey with hungry eyes. Oh. That was the gleam that shone in his eye; hunger. Though, unfortunately for her, it wasn't the type of hunger that could be satiated with food.

She took a hesitant step back, her jade hues casting a glare in his direction as her hands fisted at her sides. "Oh no, not the 'Doctor Cherry' crap again!" She growled menacingly, her fists now shaking at her sides. This was bullshit! She didn't want to do _anything _with the blonde bastard! This was fucking rape, damn it! Deidara shook his head softly, a few soft 'tsk's slipping past parted lips. "What crap, Doctor Cherry?.." He crooned out to her softly in such a false loving and gentle manner, it made her want to gag. The explosions expert, without fear, stood before her slightly slouched, tense form, one of his hands slowly reached forward only to gently caress her cheek, stroking lovingly at it delicately with nimble fingers. "You know, Doctor Cherry, you still haven't healed my other injuries, hm..."

The urge to gag was coming back.

Fine. Two can play it. Two can play this sick game!

"Oh, but Deidara..." She said, quickly pulling away and scratching her chin in mock thought. "Your injuries seem incurable. At least for me. I'm afraid there's nothing I can do... However, if you would just walk down the hall, to your right, Nurse Hidan will be waiting with a remedy that may properly satisfy you." Sakura said, smiling sweetly at him as she laced her fingers together. Oh yeah, she went there. She was -subtly- insulting him and questioning his sexuality all right! Hopefully, he's not as dumb as a plank and will get her not-so-hidden meaning.

...Judging from the low growl from him, it seems that he is smart enough to decipher her message.

How dare that little bitch! She -none too subtly in his opinion- insulted him! She thought him gay, did she?! What?! Just because of his fucking hair?! What was the big deal, it's not like he ever acted like a fag before!

His teeth ground together in all three mouths of his, trying his hardest to control his anger. That's what she wanted, right? For him to get angry at her and forget about the game? Hell. No. She would not get her way, and he'd wipe that self-satisfied smirk off those pretty little lips of hers!.. An impish grin suddenly slid upon his lips... He knew just what would do the job.

"A nurse surely can't do a doctor's job, especially for a patient like myself... Maybe for someone like Itachi, but not me, hm..." As he spoke, he snatched her chin and leaned in closer, his warm breath wisping over her lips. "Besides, I don't swing that way, yeah." And with that final thought, he quickly swooped in and pressed their lips together, causing Sakura's emerald hues to widen in surprise... Though, surely, she should have been expecting it. The kiss was just that at first; a kiss. A meeting of lips. Soft flesh against smooth flesh. His lips were hot and somewhat chapped, the slightly rough surface of his lips scraping against her own delicate and silky lips. If he had to describe her lips in one word, it would have to be something like creamy. Why creamy? They were smooth and even, soft and supple, velvety and flowing slowly like a thick liquid would.

Got he just wanted to devour them.

His lids twitched slightly, craving to shut and enjoy the full feel of her against him. His lips parted slightly, drawing her upper lip between his with his hot, slick tongue. She just stared at him in shock, her pupils contracted and irises completely exposed. The pink haired kunoichi did nothing. She didn't fight it or partake, which left Deidara to do all the work himself.

Nipping gently at her lip, he released her upper lip, his slightly rough lips flowed, rippled over hers gently. His lip's movements were surprisingly lithe, his nose rubbing against hers ever so slightly in a mock nuzzle. Arms encircled her waist, his hands resting upon her lower back before sliding, creeping, snaking down slowly as though memorizing the area they traveled. His tongue slowly probed against her lips. However, she made no move to part her lips as he'd wanted. Fine. Hands soon rested upon her rear, and since she did not make any effort to open that damn mouth so he could really taste her, he squeezed. Roughly.

She instantly reacted. Jumping slightly with a gasp, her lips parted for him and he quickly took the opportunity to slide his tongue past those lips parted in a gasp, swiftly rubbing, grinding his tongue against hers in both slow and quick sliding motions. His teeth scarcely clacked and scraped against hers as he tilted his head slightly, angling it better in his favor, causing lips to roll gently against hers. Stroking, caressing, massaging, kneading; his tongue continued its actions in attempting to entice her to partake in the exotic dance. With a last few quick sliding brushes, he began to pull away slowly, giving her lower lip one last nibble before their lips parted ways.

Deidara took in a few rough, breathy breaths, watching her through his lidded gaze as he breathed against her.

He chuckled, his hands sliding back up her back only to slide beneath the fabric, his fingertips ghosting against her warm flesh. She shuddered slightly, still gapping at him like a fish out of water.

"Oh Doctor... I believe we have a situation..."

------

**A/N: ... And I also don't own World of Warcraft... Did I mention I'm also not dissing WoW? I'm definitely not dissing Itachi either. Deidara just doesn't really like him too much. (Maybe its because Itachi constantly gives him the 'I'm prettier than you' look?) ...Did you seriously expect me to give you a lemon in this chapter? Really? Come on now. You know I'm an asshole, of course I'm not going to give it to you so easily. But hey, I'm just glad I gathered the energy to write this. (I'm still hacking my brains out.) Don't worry, it's not the end, obviously. So expect another update... Not sure when, especially since I haven't gotten much done for 'Plug in Baby'. If you want to know the latest about this, I'm going to update my profile and try to decide on a date of when I should next update this story. After all, I'm still -attempting- to keep my promises with my stories. But I'm sure you all understand life can get in the way some times, right? I apologize for any mistakes I may have missed; I did most of this today, actually, and I really wanted to get it up... Alright. I'm off to read some updates on other stories I've been just dying to read all last week. Then I'm sleeping (for once.) Reviews/favs/alerts/etc make me squee like a little girl. :P **


	3. Seems I found a tender area, hm?

**A/N: Wow… All I have to say is… Agjvhenwjksuhnlvj! You guys are insanely awesome. I honestly wasn't expecting 24 reviews for last chapter, making the story have a total of 45 reviews! I feel like**_** dancing**_**!.. But to save my dignity, I think I shall refrain from doing so. (My family may think I have a few screws lose... More than I already have.) I thought up a few of these parts, strangely, on my way home from going out to dinner with a few friends a few nights ago. I have no idea how or why these little abominations come into existence in the corridors of my ever so vast imagination. They just do, and I can't help but be thankful for my (-cough- semi-perverted) odd mind. For a while, I had thought I had a small case of writer's block for this, but nope. I'm still good to go. XP**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, he would be chained up in my basement now wouldn't he? Now, that's not right children. I would never do that. Maltreatment towards small fluffy creatures is never right. But I know someone who would… Don't go by Sinister Voices's example; pet a Naruto today, don't kidnap, imprison, and sexually torture him with never before seen sex devices hot off the black market in a dark, dank, completely isolated from society basement/room/house. I'm Accentuating Kamikaze, and I approve of this message… (We all know she does that to poor Naruto... Don't believe her filth and lies! D:)  
**

**Har har. This chapter is dedicated to Sinister Voices 'cause I originally promised the update sooner, then let her down by not updating in time. I suck hardcore, huh:'D  
**

**P.S.**

**Happy Valentine's Day everyone…**

**…**

**Why are you reading this? Shouldn't you be snogging someone right about now?**

-

**Oh Doctor, Doctor!**

_Seems I found a tender area, hm?_

-

With parted lips, she took in deep breathy breaths, her breathing heavy and labored as though she had been recovering from participating in a lengthy marathon. Her head tilted forward some, a veil of pink concealing her eyes and quickly reddening cheeks. Behind the pink shield, Sakura bit her bottom lip, the supple lips' flesh slowly tearing from the pressure of her teeth. Her knees had begun to weaken only moments ago, and was silently relieved when Deidara had pushed her to the bed's soft, albeit bumpy, surface. His face was pressed against the junction between her neck and shoulder, his hot breath fanning, ghosting over her exposed heated skin. Long, slender fingers assaulted her, pressing against her with a steady, equal pressure and pace, stroking and smoothing, probing and rubbing. Emerald green irises shut themselves tightly at the sensations his experienced fingers brought her, her brows furrowing as though she were in pain. Which she sort of was. It had been, after all, a while since she received such treatment.

He smirked against her skin, she feeling rather than seeing his lips curl into a satisfied smirk. "Seems I found a tender area, hm?" Deidara mumbled against her skin, his tongue slowly darting out and sliding against her skin. Just a little taste, she wouldn't mind much, hm? No, she didn't. Hell, she hadn't even noticed.

Instead, she shuddered, her hands fisting in the yellowed sheets beneath her as she mumbled, "Harder." In response, he grunted as his smirk grew wider against her skin, pushing, sliding slick fingers against her. "Like this?" He said in a whispered coo, as though he were mocking her in some manner. Her form went rigid for a moment, but then her shoulder blades drew together as her back arched forward ever so slightly, which was easily taken as her assent before she even mumbled, "Mm, yes.."

But god, she was making him crazy. How responsive she was to his touch!.. It was like no one had ever done this for her before. The blonde chuckled softly, almost cruelly as he continued his ministrations, his thumb now joining in with the other digits as he rubbed small circles into her. She immediately released her lower lip from her mouth's vice-like grip and let out a soft, gasped out moan.

Deidara rose a finely trimmed brow at her, his smirk widening into a full out grin as he pulled his face away from her. Looking between the gaps where strands of pink separated, he could easily see the look edging its way onto her features; pleasure. He saw it in the way her eyes tightly shut, closing out the world around her to only concentrate on what _he_ was doing to her. He saw it in the way her lower lip bled, a small crimson droplet already forming on the freshly torn wound. He saw it in the way her lower lip also quivered faintly, almost as though she were holding something back with all the willpower she could muster. And he even saw how her eyes slowly shifted beneath closed lids, suggesting that her eyes were rolling back into her skull. Sculptors _had_ to be good with their hands, hm?

"How long has it been since someone did this to you, hm?" He asked in a low, husky purr, leaning in towards her neck and giving it a slight affectionate nuzzle.

Her small frame shuddered slightly as he applied more pressure in a particularly _sore_ area. A tongue from one of his hands slipped out from sealed lips and glided over said sore area, earning a surprised gasp and slight jump from Sakura.

"D-Deidara!" She gasped out in surprise, definitely feeling _that_ lick as she tensed up slightly, her cheeks darkened further.

He chuckled.

"Sorry, some times I simply can't control them." He said, obviously commenting on the mouths on his hands.

Sakura ignored his excuse, though completely forgot to answer his earlier question in her pleasured haze. He found this amusing.

"Well?" Deidara started, his groping hands continuing to knead her sensitive, warm flesh. She gasped again, her back arching ever so slightly under his touch. "How long?"

She took a few moments to clear her mind of this thick, pleasure induced haze.

"Ahn," The pinkette moaned gently when he hit yet another sensitive area. She resisted the urge to tell him to do it again, only harder, and answered quickly. "A-a few months ago. First…" She seemed reluctant to continue, but did anyway, her cheeks still as red as a tomato as she said, "Tsunade-sama did, then Naruto tried.. But he was v-very clumsy.." She finished breathily, her eyes momentarily opening ever so slightly to reveal only a sliver of glazed over, brilliant emerald hues. Sakura looked at him, only because his gliding fingers had abruptly lowered.

She quickly bit her bottom lip again, instantly drinking in the crimson substance that tasted almost metallic.

He was oddly quiet as he shook his head from side to side, resisting the urge to snicker. Though, he was surprised at her answer. Come on. Tsunade? One of the three legendary sanniens? Seriously? She did it for her at one point? And that Naruto kid, the one that housed the Kyuubi too? Though, the fact that the Kyuubi container was clumsy didn't surprise him; he seemed like the type that would get over-excited about these things.

"_Really_? Hm, well that's most certainly interesting.." Another chuckle escaped past his chapped lips. She didn't respond, yet he didn't expect a response. "God you're so tense, mm? You really need to loosen up." He said as ran his hands back over her shoulders once more and kneaded the firm muscles beneath her taut skin.

It was almost funny. Never before would she have ever expected one of _the_ Akatsuki to be giving her a mind-blowing message. So how did she get the mad bomber to message her rather than, to put it bluntly, screw her? Well, it had actually started out as 'small talk' while he was, ahem, trying to convince her to partake in the sinful deed.

--

_She had to admit, for a crazed S-class criminal, that man could _really _kiss. And she was almost positive that if he were gay, he wouldn't have been able to kiss her quite like that. (Unfortunately, she just had to admit this to herself… But that didn't mean she would stop annoying him about it.) And now…_

_Oh god, did he... Did he just flash her his bedroom eyes?_

…

_Oh yeah, he definitely did. She had to think her way out of this and fast, seeing how now the blonde was leaning in for yet another kiss (and she saw that wandering hand! Trying not to be blunt about copping a feel! As if she could miss a hand with a tongue licking its lips slowly as it made its way towards her bosom!) Though, at the moment, her idea well was dry. So… When in doubt, try to stall? She let out a soft laugh (and she wished to God that it didn't sound so sheepish and awkward) and took a quick step back, only to have him quickly follow after. "Situation? What do you mean?"_

"_Hm… You know fully well what I mean, Doctor Cherry." He cooed as he reached out to stroke her cheek, only to have her take another few steps back… Naturally, the damned blonde Akatsuki followed in one long stride step. _

"_No. No I don't. In fact, no. We _don't_ have a situation. We're perfectly _fine_." She said, resisting the urge to snarl and hiss at him._

_He sighed softly and shook his head from side to side. "Oh Doctor Cherry… You're in denial. Or it could just be you're sexually frustrated, hm? Tell you what, why don't we get this whole sexual tension out of the air already and just fu-" Deidara was quickly interrupted by the enraged pinkette's cry of, "WHAT SEXUAL TENSION?! You're getting far too imaginative with your little game you freak! This is completely one sided! ONE. SIDED. You hear me?!" This time, she _did _hiss this revelation out at him. Though, Deidara still wore that blasted smirk. Bastard… Damned bastard. He'd had to have been plotting something right now otherwise he wouldn't look so damned confident. _

"_Oh Doctor Cherry, I love it when you play hard to get, yeah."_

"_Who the hell's playing?!"_

_He took a step closer to her, quickly leaning in and flicking his tongue out to merely skim the surface of her smooth skin_, groaning_ softly as he did so. "Keep it coming."_

_She held back a 'eep' when she felt some slick slid against her skin. And that groan (despite being rather sexy) was so completely done on purpose. What the hell was he doing? Trying to gross her out? Quickly, Sakura took another few steps back. Damn bastard, he just kept turning the tables… Wait… Hm… Alright. Alright, she'd turn those tables too alright._

_A sudden dejected look crossed her facial features, and for a few moments, Deidara looked taken aback. Surely such a sorrowful expression couldn't be feigned. Though, then again, she'd proven herself to have many surprises up her sleeves. His visible cerulean orb narrowed ever so slightly for a moment before he spoke, "What's wrong?"_

_He was answered with an elongated sigh._

_Uh oh. Everyone knows when a woman sighs like that, it means trouble._

"_Oh, Deidara…I wish we could rid the air of this… This _tension._" She said, fake sorrow lacing her words. And for a moment, Deidara almost bought it, seeing how her voice sounded so sad, yet oddly sexy at the moment. But I digress. _

"_But I don't think I can…" She looked to the dirty floorboards with curved brows and shimmering emeralds._

_His eyes really narrowed now. He couldn't help but feel suspicious of her words. And really, who wouldn't? "What do you mean?"_

"_It's just that…"_

"_Yeah?"_

"…"

"…"

"…"

_God, what a pause._

"_What already?" He almost snarled, taking yet another step forward. Sakura took another step back, the backs of her calves hitting the edge of the old mattress._

"_It's just that… Well, I've been in so much pain recently."_

_She couldn't possibly be suggesting that she has her…_

"_It's my back and shoulders, they just hurt so bad. And normally, I'd use my chakra to, you know, soothe the pain. But this collar…" She fingered the offensive object in question. "…As you know, it stops me from using my chakra…"_

_His eyes remained narrowed. Now, he wasn't stupid; he knew exactly what she was doing. The pink-headed medic nin was attempting to stall him, trying to turn the tables… His hands clenched at his sides, forcing back the urge to wrap his hands around her neck, choke her for a while... then fuck her senseless. She was really underestimating him. Seriously, how stupid did she think he was? He opened his mouth, about to let out a snippy retort… Until, with the force of a speeding truck slamming into an unsuspecting squirrel, a brilliant idea abruptly hit him from out of nowhere. Her back and shoulders hurt, hm? She'd been trying to turn the odds in her favor, however, what she didn't realize is that with this retort, he could easily turn it back to his favor and then some._

_Deidara resisted the urge to grin like a maniac._

"_Oh, Doctor Cherry!" He said dramatically, his brows curving and his eyes softening, "I didn't realize, I'm sorry!… But say…" His features suddenly twisted, looking as if a brilliant idea surfaced from the demented spaces of his mind… Which, in fact, really had happened, only moments sooner. "How about I help, hm? How about I get those kinks out for you, I'm sure you'll feel a hell of a lot better, yeah." He'd plastered a friendly smile for her, and she'd missed the mischievous gleam that shone in his single visible eye._

_She replied with a small smile of her own, "Oh… That sounds great." ...It was obvious that she hadn't been quite expecting that from him… Though now, it meant she still had to put up with him touching her. Great… Well, at least she wouldn't be returning the favor, and nor would she be forced to sleep with the blonde bastard… Right?_

---

So now, thanks to those brilliant hands of his (was she actually complimenting him? Oh god… No way.) she felt absolutely wonderful. What she'd said to him wasn't a lie; her back and shoulders really had been hurting… Though she _never_ expected him to pull something like that and offer a message. Chakra was _nothing_ compared to the real thing. And now, his thumbs rubbed circles into her somewhat relaxed Infraspinatus muscles, easing slowly towards her Trapezius muscle where he -oh god this feels far too good- kneaded and pressed. But he wasn't finished there. He was aiming towards all her pained points, it seemed. So after what seemed to be only mere moments, he began to shift his attention away from the Trapezius, slowly moving down the muscle down towards the Latissimus dorsi muscle. It was like he too was a medic nin who knew just about all of the pressured points in her back and shoulders. So obviously, thanks to his attentive motions, she couldn't help but feel relaxed, yet a bit paranoid. Was he planning something? Did he plan to turn the tables again? God, this all felt like some sort of silent battle. To sex up, or not to sex up?.. Is that even really the question? Especially since the answer was so obvious?... Not please.

As he observed her relaxed, blissful expression, he couldn't help but feel completely and utterly victorious. Oh, oh he was winning. He had a far lead, and she didn't even realize it yet. This was _great_. For someone so smart, she could be a little oblivious at times, couldn't she? Or maybe he was just _that _good with his hands? It didn't matter. He, instead of kneeling behind her, abruptly sat down, his legs spreading out at either of her sides, her smaller form now sitting in between his legs… Casting a quick glance her way, he noted she still had that small, charming smile spread softly upon her lips. If she'd noticed this change, she didn't show it. Okay, now he'd strike.

Deidara instantly stopped his soothing ministrations, causing Sakura to open her eyes, blink and look back at him with a questioning look… Her gaze was met with a cocky smirk… Her eyes widened some, and slowly, her eyes shifted to the legs poised at either side of her.

Aw…… Crap. When did that happen? When did he turn the situation in his favor? No, this was better than just 'being in his favor', wasn't it?

…

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck_. She'd fallen for it. Hook, line, and sinker. Her plan had backfired immensely, and she'd only _just_ realized it. Who was she? Naruto?

Quickly, she began to squirm to get up and out of his clutches. However, two larger hands clamped down on her shoulders and pressed her back down and into his chest.

"Time to return the favor, 'Doctor Cherry', yeah." And with that, he quickly turned her around to face him. Still trying to squirm out of his grip, she wriggled around, though it only caused him to chuckle. He leaned in closer, his face a mere inch from hers when his tongue suddenly pushed past his lips to delicately prod the tip of her nose with said appendage, slowly sliding against the side of her nose only to stop at her cheekbone. "Squirming only makes it more... Exciting, hm."

"OH COME ON!" Oh fuck, she could never win! Why? It's like her life was one major loss! What was the score between them now?

Deidara: 3, 4? Sakura: 2

Oh_ splendid._ Simply_ splendid._

She was just one huge epic fail, wasn't she?

"Come?"

...Oh _please_ don't tell me he'd going to use _that_ cheesy line?

"Why yes, yes that sounds like something I'd like to do about now, hm."

...Was just about everyone against her today or something? Was just about every kind of force out there screaming at her to allow this… This maniac to screw her?

She didn't have the time to ruminate over this subject, for the blonde had slipped his hands beneath her top once more. His palms slid against her finely formed, flat stomach, the mouths on his hands opening just enough for his tongues to slip past the parted lips to sample her warm, porcelain skin, leaving wet trails in their wake. Fingertips ghosted slowly over every inch of her as her shirt rose with his hands, making their way lazily towards her chest. "Let me go!" She snarled, trying to keep the blush from staining her cheeks… And failing miserably. In response, his grip on her tightened, slowly leaning down as he did so. Then, starting from the base of her neck, he began to nibble his way up the length of her neck, his tongue darting out to taste the supple flesh every few nips.

She resisted the urge to tilt her head to the side to allow him access. She resisted the urge to moan softly at his strokes, licks and nips. She resisted the urge to lean back into him and his touches because this was just so wrong, damn it!

So, the pinkette turned her head away when the blonde reached her jaw line and conducted the same treatment towards it as he did her neck. She tried turning away from him further, however, he abruptly pulled one of his hands out from under her shirt with a displeased grunt, and grasped her chin to turn her towards him… At seeing her flushed cheeks, (blushing with either anger or embarrassment, he couldn't tell) he smirked and leaned in to capture her lips with his.

Her eyes widened and she whimpered her protest, pushing against his chest futilely as he attacked her lips. The other kiss was _slow_ and _soft _compared to this one. This… This was savage and feral, violent and hard, quick and rough. Lips molded together, sliding roughly against hers before drawing her lower lip between his teeth, nibbling roughly before releasing and continuing. Teeth clanked, clashed against one another, his tongue quickly pushed aggressively past her lips, plunging into her hot, slick mouth. Again she had been taken by surprise, however...

Eerily enough, she gave in and began to, shyly at first, return the kiss, trying to ease it into something slower and less ferocious. Though he would make sure there was nothing slow and easy about this meeting of lips, mouths, teeth and tongues. He would make sure this wasn't just a meeting of the three, that it wasn't just a chaste dance to be forgotten only hours later. No, it would be a storm, a hurricane, no, better! -an _explosion_ of nibbles, nips, teeth, lips, and of tongues sliding and prodding against one another. Tongues joined, battled for dominance as lips became slick from their efforts. Mouths glide across each other, teeth clamping and tugging at the succulent, yet very likely bruised, lips. He groaned, she moaned, into the kiss. This only fueled his appetite for her. Deidara twisted them both until Sakura was pressed against the wall, his hand finally releasing her chin only to drift southwards, trailing over her thigh while his other hand emerged from beneath her shirt only to shoot towards the zipper of her shirt. He grasped the tiny handle and violently yanked it down, unzipping the medic nin's top to reveal a pretty, laced white bra.

He paused only for a moment, regarding her choice in lingerie before he let out a soft snicker, "Never knew you were one who went for lace, hm."

Fiery emeralds narrowed at his -completely unnecessary, uncalled for- commentary. She'd been about to comment on how she never knew he went for girls, that is, until his hand that had unzipped her snaked around her and, after a few moments, he unclasped the bra one-handedly while his other hand, that had been creeping downwards, pushed her skirt's fabric up and slithered beneath it. Slender fingers slowly skimmed, barely even grazed, the skin of her inner thigh, his hand sluggishly crawling up the length of her leg. Meanwhile, he tore the white laced bra from her smaller frame, tossing it carelessly to the side as he paused his ministrations, his visible cobalt blue hue taking in her-

"You better not have damaged that thing," She snarled, looking at the white garment that had just moments ago been tossed to the dirty floor, "That was a Victoria's Secret bra. You know how much those things cost nowadays? If that thing even has a _single_ white thread sticking out from one of its ends, I swear to god, you're so paying-"

-topless form. His demented smirk playing upon his lips, his hand reached out, and gently cupped one of her breasts. Her face immediately lit up like a tomato as she let out a -almost squeaked out- gasp.

...So, why was she partaking in this with this asshole again? Why the sudden change of heart? Well, obviously at first, she had no intention of touching a single hair on him. Then when he began to kiss her, she decided to humor him and return it... After, the touching began. It seemed then that she wouldn't be able to quite escape. Really. She'd run out of ideas to stall him with, seeing how every time she shot one at him, he always seemed to turn it in his favor... And where exactly was she right now? In an Akatsuki base, god knows where in the country, though likely quite a ways from home. Was anyone going to suddenly come to her rescue, punch Deidara out, grab her and some how beat all the other Akatsuki members? Uh. No. She wasn't a little girl any more, and knew when something would _never_ happen. (And anyway, she now had a new-found hate towards stories like 'the knight in-shining armor saves the princess from the clutches of an evil dragon/wizard and his minions then rides off into the sunset' type of stories. She was now into stories like... Like Sailor Moon. Yes. Sailor Moon. They have hot, kick ass protagonist heroines and... She was sounding like one of those creepy fans now, wasn't she?) Besides... Why not have a little fun? He was (she admitted, grudgingly so) just a _bit_ cute... Sure he was a crazed, S-class missing nin apart of an equally crazed organization, but that didn't mean much, right?...

..._'Maybe,'_ She thought as she looked to the side, attempting with all her might to hold back any _noises_ that may suggest she was enjoying this, _'I'll enjoy this..? Maybe... If I do this, he'll let me go?' _Her thoughts drifted off as she spared a glance at him, only to see that same cocky smirk in place (apparently he knew how hard it was for her to hold all this back... Bastard.)

...Or maybe -she can only hope- someone will barge in on them again? _'Oh god, PLEASE Hidan! PLEASE be a whiny little bitch, barge in, and try to make me play that stupid game again!'_ She mentally whined, though let out a soft whimper as Deidara began to slowly message one of her breasts more steadily, thankfully not using one of those dreadful hand-tongues of his... But, other than that, she couldn't quite fight it any more... So why hurt herself in the process? Why not at least _try_ to enjoy it?

It was then that she felt something slick and moist slide against her inner thigh, already knowing that it must have been the mouth on his hand that was now slowly licking its way up her leg, towards her...

"Hm... Oh Doctor Cherry..." He purred, his thumb flicking at one of her slowly hardening nipples, receiving a soft, gasped out whimper from the pinkette, "I think I may need a little... Assistance with this, yeah."

----

**A/N: Yeah. Don't own Victoria's Secret... Or Sailor Moon... And yes. He was giving her a message in the beginning... I'm so evil. :B But yeah... Sorry! I had to end the chapter there! (And I got back to work on this as soon as I got back from hanging with friends, so sorry I couldn't get it up sooner today. XP) But if I didn't, then the chapter would be way too long and therefore, would take longer to come out. (And I didn't want to keep you guys waiting any longer than you already have been. XP) But honestly, next chapter's the lemon, so the kiddies shouldn't read most of the next chapter. Fo' realz. It'll be my second lemon I've ever written (my first being a threesome that I personally thought was horrible. ;-;) so go a little easy on me, neh? xD;; I hardly have a fourth of it done already, but before I continue with it, I need to work on 'Plug in Baby''s next chapter. -Hasn't even started it yet.- Ahum... For those who read it, the next chapter is kinda-sorta like a filler. Sorta. It's more so one of those informational chapters, but kinda not. Stuff still happens in it, just not as much as in the other chapters. XP Anyway, back to this. I now have a devart account I share with my one friend! Can I get a woot woot? Why a woot woot? Becaaaaaause she's going to make fanart for me! -Squeals- And what does it have to do with this? Wellllll... Her first fanart for one of my stories might -hinthint- be for this story! Who's excited?! -Is totally psyched.- **

**Cheesy Pick-up Lines You May -Not- Want to Use: **

**Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see.**

**Baby, I'm not Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bedrock! ;D**

**Did you clean your pants with Windex? Cause I can practically see myself in them.**

**I lost my teddy bear, will you sleep with me? **

**There are 206 bones in the body... Do you want another one?**

**If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.**

**Do you have a bandaid? I just scraped my knee falling for you.**

**I was wondering if you had an extra heart, mine seems to have been stolen.**

**Is there an airport nearby, or is that my heart just taking off?**

**Excuse me, but I think I just dropped something. My jaw! **

**_Again, Happy V-day everyone, and I hope you rape-snogged your crush! ;D_  
**


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Naruto, Humor, Romance