South of Nowhere 1. Chapter 1

I have the perfect life. There's no other way to say it. I grew up in LA with two hippie parents who thought a day at work was gazing at the sun. Not to mention the fact that my Mom was still living off an immense fortune. Needless to say, my childhood and the years thereafter were very…comfortable. I've experienced everything from being prom queen to graduating at the top of my undergraduate class; I own my own record label that produces all the new and upcoming talent in the LA area; and I'm engaged to Aiden Dennison, star point guard for the LA Lakers.

So once again I say, my name is Ashley Davies, and I have the perfect life. The only problem is that I can't stand any of it. I have a fiancée who wants nothing more than to spend every waking moment with me and I can't stand the smell of him. I have parents who come by every Sunday for brunch and never bother me with their own troubles, but I hate to answer the phone when they call. My label just signed three phenomenal bands and I can't work up the energy to get them into the studio and on the streets. I can't do anything. I don't want to do anything.

That's why I'm sitting here in my living room watching The Lion King and crying even though Mufasa died almost twenty minutes ago. I can't help it. The tears just keep on coming. Aiden is at an away game in Atlanta and I left work early because I "felt sick" (notice the quotes there. That means I was lying). Really, I just couldn't look at my desk or my computer or the studio schedule in front of me for another second without killing myself. I'm serious. I was about to take a ball point pen to my throat. So I left.

And now I'm crying for a dead lion. I mean, I'm literally crying over an animated character who could care less about me. He's probably off in lion heaven eating hyena sausage and antelope pudding. Mufasa doesn't need me.

Before I can lunge into another fit of tears over this latest discovery there's a knock at my door. I don't move at first, but after a moment, there's another hard knock. It's probably just David from next door, this little boy who likes to drop by some nights to talk to me. He's a great kid really, really sweet and not afraid to say anything. If I have kids someday I want one just like him.

I pull the door open and my eyes bug out of my skull when instead of David, I'm greeted by the most beautiful blue eyes that I've ever seen. Suddenly I'm aware of the fact that I'm wearing a black sports bra and spongebob pajama bottoms. I wrap my arms around my exposed mid-section and try not to stare too hard at the beauty in front of me.

"I'm so sorry to bother you," she says quickly. "It's just that my car broke down at the end of your block and I've been knocking on doors for fifteen minutes." She stops, expecting me to say something, but I'm too busy gaping at how beautiful she is to even consider speaking. "Thank God you were at home," she says cutely and a huge grin spreads across my face.

"Yeah…thank God," I stammer, stepping aside. I nod for her to come in and she does, taking small steps.

"I don't really live any place close by so I just need to call my brother and see if he'll drive up to get me." She turns to me with a huge smile that spreads across her face and reaches high into her eyes.

"That sounds great," I say smiling right back, and it takes me a moment to remember that she has no idea where my phone is. "Oh, my phone is just inside the next room on the mantle," I say nervously and she nods, crossing into the next room.

As soon as she's out of sight I scream internally. She's beautiful! I immediately pull open the coat closet next to me and pull out my gym bag. I dig around inside it for a moment until I find a cami to throw on. It's red and totally clashes with my yellow pajama bottoms, but before I can look for another, the girl comes right back around the corner.

"You get through?" I ask, and the embarrassed look on her face tells me that she didn't. "It's okay," I say quickly. "You can hang here until you reach someone. It's no problem."

"Really?" she asks and her eyes go wide with surprise. I try my best not to immediately fall into them. "I really don't mean to intrude on your evening. It's just my car died and I left my cell at home this morning like an idiot…"

I interrupt her before she can finish. "Really it's fine. I could actually use a little company right about now." I'm grinning like an idiot now and I can't help it. Just being in the same room as this girl is making my insides dance. I've never felt this way before. We both stand awkwardly for a moment and then she breaks the silence with a nervous giggle.

"So…umm…can I use your bathroom?" she asks, tilting her head adorably and I just smile and nod.

"It's through the living room and at the end of that hall," I say and she just smiles and walks away. She's halfway across the living room before I call after her. "I'm Ashley by the way!"

She turns and flashes the smallest smile. It makes my stomach twist into a million knots. "I'm Spencer."

"Great!" I exclaim and I mentally slap myself. Great? This is already a disaster waiting to happen. I keep smiling until she disappears into the hallway and then I rush to switch the DVD in the player. Who cares about Mufasa now? I've got Spencer.

Spencer has been here for two hours now and we've just been sitting and talking. She's amazing. She has this smile that could melt a polar ice cap and when she laughs it's like the whole room sings. Right now we're sitting on the sofa and she's telling me about her older brother Glen, who sounds like a total ass, but I don't say anything. I like the way her lips moves when she talks way too much. As a matter of fact, she's been doing all of the talking since she arrived. I just sort of smile and nod and drool and love the fact that she's in my house.

"..so yeah we don't let Glen out in public anymore," she finishes with a slight giggle and I just nod once again. She takes a moment to breathe and sips from her glass of water. "So what do you do?" she asks suddenly and it takes me a moment to realize that it's my turn to speak.

"Oh…right. Well, I'm a…I…umm own a record label…'Raife Records'. It's just a small label that promotes local bands."

"Cool," she says softly, and her expression is soft and inviting so I continue.

"Yeah and I live here with my fiancée."

That did it. She's not smiling anymore. She's looking around the room like she just lost something and she's fiddling with the buttons of her shirt. She won't look into my eyes. And I'm too lost in my own thoughts to notice. Aiden! I forgot all about Aiden! While I'm busy mentally slapping myself, Spencer takes another sip of her water and stands.

"I should go," she starts but I'm quick to stop her. I stand too.

"No. Stay. Really, it's already late and your brother isn't answering. I mean where are you going to sleep? In your car?" She hesitates and I take a chance and put a hand on her arm. "Really Spence. Stay." She doesn't say anything for a while because she's too busy staring at my hand on her arm. I think about pulling it away but stop when she looks up at me. Her eyes are dark with something that I can't quite place and I feel like she's seeing something in me that I never knew existed.

"Okay," she says so softly that I'm not sure I heard her. I lean in a small fraction and she lunges forward and kisses me awkwardly on the lips. I drop my hand and immediately step back, my lips burning. Spencer's eyes go wide with fear and she brings a hand to her chest dramatically. "God! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that! I'm just really tired and kind of delirious….and you're really pretty…. And… I got a little ahead of myself. That's it! I got a little ahead of myself…"

Spencer continues rambling and not looking at me but all that I can think about is the fact that she just kissed me and in that one nanosecond, my whole world shifted. I'm not thinking about my parents, or Aiden, or even Mufasa anymore. I'm just thinking about Spencer's lips and how much I want to feel them again. Before she can begin another jumbled explanation I grab her by the belt loops, pull her into me, and crash her lips into mine. She doesn't respond at first, but then she smiles into the kiss, wrapping two arms around my neck. We melt into one another and this feeling is unlike anything I've ever felt before. It's like I'm a kissing a total stranger that I've known my whole life. It's like we're a part of each other. She drags her tongue across my bottom lip and I open my mouth instinctively, pushing my tongue out to meet hers. She takes control of the kiss, pulling my hips into hers, and biting down on my lips roughly. A soft moan escapes my lips and she just kisses me harder.

We probably would have kissed forever if we didn't need to breathe. When we pull apart we both gasp, our foreheads resting against one another.

"Wow," Spencer whispers, with her eyes still closed.

I smile and kissed her nose. "Like I said…just stay the night."

Spencer looks up at this and I can tell that she was searching me for something. I don't know what, but I know that I can stare into her eyes for an eternity. I lift a hand and run my fingers through her golden hair, just wanting her to feel at least an inkling of all the emotions running through me. She is driving me wild.

"Okay," she says still peering deep into my eyes. "I'll stay,"

I tighten my grip about her waist and smile a wide grin. I can't see anything beyond those ocean-blue eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Spencer and I are sprawled across my bed, wrapped up in each others arms, our tongues still writhing against each other. I place my hand on the side of her face and run my thumb across her cheek. The skin there burns beneath my fingers and her lips curl into a kiss. I can't help the small giggle that erupts from my mouth at this, and Spencer can't either. Soon our lips are just pressed together as we laugh, her hands gripping my hips. The harder we laugh, the tighter her grasp on me becomes, and when it starts to hurt I try to wriggle out of her grip. When I do this, my knee slips between her legs and crashes into her center (rather unexpectedly), causing her back to arch up from the bed and her to gasp loudly. I pull up some, not knowing what she wants, and I close my eyes, just reveling in the way her breaths are harsh and warm on my face. She smells like summertime and every other time of year that sends me running in fits of happiness.

Her breaths start to slow some and I'm actually afraid to open my eyes. I close them tighter and just drop my head onto her shoulder. She immediately brings her hands to the back of head and starts to rake her fingers through my brown curls. I just sigh into her neck. She makes me feel something I've never felt before.

"Ash are you okay?" she whispers into my ear and I don't answer. I just hold her tighter in my arms. "Look…we don't have to do anything that you don't want to do," she adds. I look up at this and her eyes are big and scared. She just keeps running her fingers through my hair and looks into my eyes. "I just…I thought his was what you wanted…"

I perk up at this. "I do! I do want this."

A small smile creeps onto Spencer's face and her eyes seem to sparkle for a moment. "Okay…what now then?" Her gaze shifts from my lips to my eyes and I blush, embarrassed.

"I'm just a little bit scared," I mutter. "I only just met you…and I've never done this before…or…felt this before…and I don't know… I'm a little confused."

I look up at Spencer, just waiting for her to say something that will make all my fears go away, but she doesn't say anything. She just pushes a few curls out of my face and smiles. I smile back and release a half-hearted chuckle. Spencer's smile just gets wider and then she leans forward slowly, glancing repeatedly from my lip to my eyes. She's moving so slow that I swear I can hear the clock speeding ahead of this moment. Soon my eyes are glued to her lips which hover dangerously close to my own. She takes another second to breathe and then presses her lips softly against mine, and holds them there. My head reels from how good she tastes and I wait for more, but she just holds her lips there, waiting.

It's my turn to make a move.

I close my eyes and intensify the kiss, pressing my lips hard against hers and grinding my pelvis down into hers. She moans in response and places her hands on the small of my back, tracing frantic circles with her fingers. My kisses travel from her lips to her chin to her neck, and when I find her pulse point and clamp down on it, she shivers beneath me. I pull back instantly.

"Am I doing something wrong?" I ask, afraid, but Spencer just pulls me back into her.

I guess not.

I continue kissing and nipping at her neck and she just wiggles beneath me, her breaths seemingly caught in her throat because I can't feel or hear her inhaling. Then she exhales all at once and grinds her pelvis up into my own. A flame shoots through my stomach and up my spine and I moan too, unable to control myself. My whole body is aflame with her: her smell, her taste, her warmth.

"Ash…" she pants out. "Shirt…take off your shirt." I sit up so I'm straddling her and pull the cami over my head. " As soon as I toss it aside, Spencer grabs the hem of my sports bra and begins to pull it over my head too. When it's off, my hands instinctively move to cover my breasts, but Spencer grabs my arms. "No no…I want to see you," she whispers and I smile nervously as her gaze settles on my chest. A smile plays at the corners of her mouth, but she wipes it away after a moment. She lifts a single finger and traces it down the skin between my breasts. I inhale sharply and lean into her touch. Spencer takes this as her cue because she cups my left breast and pulls it into her mouth, nibbling and kissing at it. She flicks it with her tongue and I shudder, warmth pooling in my center.

"Oh...God.." I moan and Spencer bucks her hips up into my own, sending another jolt of electricity through my body. She sucks gently on my nipple and I grab the back of her head to pull her closer. She pulls a hand up to my other breast and kneads it with her fingers. I throw my head back, allowing moan after moan to leave my lips. After a few moments of this I pull her head up and attach my lips to hers, just wanting to taste her again. I push her back down onto the bed and spread myself atop her, pushing my knee into her center just like before. She tenses beneath me and moves her hands to the top of my pajama bottoms. She grips the elastic and pushes them down slowly. I wiggle along with her, trying to remove the offending material, but it gets caught just past my ass. Spencer groans and I pull away completely, removing the pants on my own, along with my panties. When I look up, Spencer's mouth is hanging open and she's just staring at me, raking over my whole body with her eyes.

"God…you're beautiful," she whispers and then she starts to unbutton her own jeans. She fiddles with the button for a few minutes but her hands are shaking so bad that she can't get it undone. I crawl over to her and unbutton it for her, looking into her eyes the whole time. I start to push the jeans down her legs, snagging her panties at the same time. I remove the articles of clothing and toss them aside, just wanting to feel her again.

We kiss again, both of us kneeling on the bed. When our chests touch I cry out and just pull her further into me. I've never felt this good before. I've never wanted anyone as badly as I want Spencer. She pushes a hand down my stomach roughly and then cups my center. I jerk at the sudden contact and almost collapse with pleasure. Spencer snakes a hand around my waste to steady me and begins to circle my hardened nub slowly. I bury my head into her neck and bite down uncontrollably. Spencer's circles get faster and I can feel my self blossoming for her. Just when I'm filled with so much warmth that I think I might burst, she slips a finger inside of me and I dig my nails into her back. I'm crumpled into her arms now, but somehow she's still holding me up, still cradling me close. She slides her finger in and out of me and I just struggle to breathe. Spencer angles her thumb so that she can circle my nub again, and when she touches it I explode.

I'm suddenly flying so high that I can't feel anything, not even her arms around me. All that exists are the waves of pleasure pulsing through my body. It takes an eternity for them to subside and when they do, I'm lying flat on my back with Spencer's head resting comfortably on my chest. I exhale heavily and she just snuggles closer.

"That was…" I start, but Spencer squeezes me.

"Amazing…"

I smile to myself and pull her up so that she can nestle into my neck. She kisses my skin lightly and I'm suddenly extremely tired. My eyelids begin to droop and I just push my fingers deep into her hair, loving how she feels, and the fact that I want to feel like this for the rest of my life.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

When I open my eyes, the room is still dark and I can feel the cool night breeze coming in through the window above my bed. I reach a hand over to pull Spencer into me for warmth, but the space beside me is empty. I sit up and try to listen for her in the bathroom, but I hear nothing besides the gentle hum of the breeze.

"Spencer?" I call out, but there is still no answer. I take a few moments to calm myself. There's no need to freak out. She's probably just downstairs. I stand and grab my pajama pants still laid on the floor. I don't see my red cami, so I walk over to my closet and remove a plain white t-shirt. I slip it over my head, just as I exit my bedroom. The clock in the hallway reads 4 am.

"Spence?" I say again as I descend the steps, my heart already inching up my throat. I've only known this girl for a few hours and she already has my world spinning. When I reach the bottom of the staircase I spot Spencer asleep on the sofa. She is fully dressed again, and her body is stretched full length across the sofa, a thumb resting gingerly in her mouth. I pad over to her and kneel beside the sofa, just watching the way her chest rises and falls when she breathes. She smells like a million different things at once, and I want nothing more than to figure out what each thing is. I could spend the rest of eternity figuring them out.

"Spence, why don't you come back to bed?" I whisper into her ear, and she just smiles in her sleep, sucking on her thumb nosily. I can't repress the giggle that escapes my lips at this, and Spencer wakes immediately, blinking twice before really looking into my eyes. "Come back to bed," I say softly, rubbing a finger down her cheek, but the way her eyes cloud over tells me that she won't, that she's down here for a reason. I stand immediately.

"Did I do something wrong?" I ask, running one hand through my hair and placing the other on my chest to calm myself. "I know that I'm new to all this but up there I got the feeling that you were enjoying yourself just as much as I was," I add. Spencer doesn't say anything. She just sits up slowly and pulls her blonde hair back into a ponytail. "God, Spencer say something…" I basically moan and something clicks in side of her, because she looks directly into my eyes. I almost stumble at how serious they are, how pointed.

"You're engaged," she whispers into the air, and suddenly it all comes back to me. I just slept with her. I just fell into her arms and let her make love to me. I let her see a part of me that I have never allowed anyone to see, not even Aiden. I let her in. I let Spencer in.

My thoughts are interrupted when Spencer clears her throat. She's still looking straight into my eyes and I almost die from how good it feels to be the center of her attention. I smile, dumbly forgetting the situation we are in and Spencer merely grimaces in response. Oh…right. "My brother Glen should be here in a few minutes Ashley," she manages, even though her voice is so choked that I'm sure she doesn't want to be saying any of this. She doesn't want this to be the end. She doesn't want to lose me anymore than I want to lose her.

"You got through to him?" I ask absently, and she just nods. I can't tear my eyes away from hers. Not right now. I feel like if I lose them, I will lose her too. "But…what about us Spence? I say with a frown. I gesture between the two of us and smile sadly, "What about this?"

Spencer only shakes her head and closes her eyes for a moment. She takes a deep breath and continues to speak with her eyes closed. "I believe in marriage Ashley. I believe in people being with who they belong with. It's not right of me to come between you and your fiancée. Not like this."

"But I let you!" I yell in defense, sitting beside her on the sofa, and placing a hand on her shoulder. She flinches from my touch. " I wanted you!"

Spencer looks at me incredulously when I say this and stands. "And that's supposed to make it better?! Ashley…" she starts but her voice cracks on the last syllable and she drops her head altogether. In this moment I realize that my hands are shaking. My whole body is shaking. She, Spencer is doing this to me. "Look, Ashley," she starts again. "You…are unbelievable…The minute you opened your front door I knew that I saw the world behind your eyes…But none of that matters. You're engaged."

"It matters to me!" I yell and Spencer takes a step back. I can tell that she wasn't expecting it. She wasn't expecting any of this. "Look I realize how complicated this is, but there is just something about the way you look at me…like I'm best thing you've seen all day. I just…I don't want to give that up. I don't want to lose you!"

Suddenly there is a knock on the door and neither Spencer nor I move to answer it. She just stares down at me and I can tell that her brain is going a mile a minute right now. She's looking at me, but she's seeing far beyond me. She's working through everything, through tonight, through yesterday, and even through tomorrow, because her whole world is shifting. She's trying to see if there is even a place for me in it. If an us can even exits.

"Look, Ashley, she starts-" but I shush her by standing and placing a finger on her lips.

"Ash," I correct her. "Last night you called me Ash." Then I pull her into a heated kiss, our lips crashing against each other with more need and want than I knew ever existed. She wraps her arms around my waist and drags my body into hers, as if she wants to swallow me whole, to devour me right here. I raise my hands to her neck and just hold her there, keeping her face so close to mine. I don't' want this moment to end. Spencer obviously doesn't either because after a moment, she begins to moan and claw at my back as if digging for a stronghold. She wants to stay with me.

When we finally break away to breathe, I hold her forehead against my own and she just breathes harshly, her eyes closed tight. "Ash," she whispers, and a single tears slides down her cheek. "I have to go."

With that, she turns away from me and walks to the door. She grabs her purse and then disappears into the night, without a single glance in my direction. It's actually not night anymore because I can see the first rays of sun playing flashlight on my drapes. I frown at how promising those rays are and the fact that my heart is lying limp on the carpet before me. I drop onto the couch and pull my knees up to my chest, thinking of how good she felt and how quickly she went.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

It's been two months: two whole months since I last saw her face and the gentle curve of her cheeks. Sometimes when I close my eyes at night I remember her eyes, and how they were filled with this blue that just ripped through you. Sometimes I remember the way her smile made my whole stomach do somersaults.; and sometimes, when I'm all alone, I allow myself to remember how much that night meant, and how I would give anything just to see her face again and to hear her whisper my name into my ear as I fall asleep.

It's been two long months.

I know what you're thinking: I should've looked her up, right? Well, trust me I tried, but this girl is basically invisible. According to what I remember her telling me, she has only lived in California for a few months and for the life of me, I can't remember her older brother's name. I can't remember anything beyond her face.

I'm not engaged anymore. After a month of my moping and missing his basketball games, Aiden called the engagement off. One night when I came home for work he was waiting for me on the sofa with his hands in his lap.

"Hey babe," I said dryly, planting a kiss on his cheek, and he just smiled. I tried to ignore it, that look in his eye like he was trying to remember every line in my face, every inch of skin. "What do you want for dinner?" I asked. "Chinese or Ethiopian?" I was trying to be nice. Aiden didn't buy it.

"You're off the hook Ash," he said softly and he couldn't hide the hurt in his voice. I just stared at him blankly. "Oh don't look at me like that. You know as well as I do that I can't make you happy." He pauses here and then stands, walking over to the window. "I'm gonna go over to my brother's tonight and send for my things in the morning."

"But Aid," I stammered. "I…love you."

"I know, Ashley. I know. But you're not in love with me. That's the problem."

I wanted to say something after this. I wanted to say so many things, but Aiden didn't give me a chance. He was out of the door five minutes after that, and I haven't seen him since except for a at a few home games. I still go. I still support him. I still owe him so much for just being there. Also, there was a ton of speculation in the press and I didn't want our breakup to seem nasty or anything.

So I'm no longer engaged, still sick of my job, still sick of my parents, still sick of just waking up in the morning, and I can't see the one person on earth that I think can make it all better. I don't even know her last name. Whoever said one night stands were a good idea needs to be shot at close range in the back of the head. I know, that sounds harsh, but if you had any idea what I was feeling, you would agree. For Spencer's sake, you would agree.

So it's been a months or so since my breakup with Aiden and tonight I'm going out to see a local band that has been a lot of attention in the papers. They're called "A Beautiful Wreck" and they're pretty mysterious form what I hear. They play at all the major clubs in the LA area but refused to be photographed. Only those lucky enough to get tickets are even allowed a glimpse of them.

When I arrive at The Roxy, Jim the bouncer is already waving me over. I give him a huge grin as I toss my keys to the nearest valet.

"I haven't seen you in a while Ms. Davies," Jim says with a smile and I lean in and hug him. He holds me close for a minute and I melt into his strong arms. "I'm sorry about your engagement," he says softly in my ear and I just sigh. Jim's a great guy. Really. He's way too nice to be a bouncer at some club.

"I'll see you on my way out Jim," I say pulling away and he just shoved me towards the doors, immediately plastering a scowl on his face and turning away a woman well into her forties sporting a sequined dress. I shake my head and push into the club. The crowd is already nearing capacity as I push my way over to the bar. Sheryl, my favorite bartender noticed me immediately.

"See1 I told Jim you'd be here tonight!" she yells over the sound of the music and I hug her over the bar.

"Yeah!" I yell back. "Word has it these kids are good!"

Sheryl nods and then puts her hand up to silence a guy trying to order a drink. She continues, "Between you and me, I heard the sound check earlier. They're pretty good, only their bassist totally blows." Sheryl laughs at this and I do too, some. "But anyway the lead singer…well…she's…"

Before Sheryl can finish I hear a knocking sound. We both look up to see a Rick, the manager at a microphone mid-stage. "How you guys doing out there tonight?" he screams and the crowd roars drunkenly in response. I just laugh and take a seat atop the bar, so that I can see above their heads. Sheryl doesn't mind, but moves on down the bar to fix more drinks.

Rick is shouting something else, but I can't really hear him. All I notice is this blonde haired guy standing a few steps away from me. He's about average height and kind of slouches (a pet peeve of mind). But there's something familiar about him, something I've been looking for. I try to angle my body to get a closer look, but after a moment the guy just turns away from me. Right when I'm about to literally jump of the bar to spin him around myself, guitars blast through the speakers and my attention is pulled toward the stage. Two guys are onstage now with guitars, a keyboardist, and a drummer are there but the leader singer is nowhere in sight. The chord progressions are pretty simple, but there is something catchy about the son anyway. I lean forward on the bar, already liking this band.

That's when she walks out, this blonde dressed in a poka dot sixties getup and knee high boots. Her hair is shielding her face, but I recognize something about the way she moves, the way she leads with her pelvis, the rest of body following languidly behind. It's the laziest and the sexiest thing that I've even seen. And I've only seen it once. "Spencer," I mouth to myself and then she looks up. It's her. Blue eyes and all. It's her and she's onstage and she's singing. After two months I just walked into a club and here she is! She lifts the microphone to her mouth and begins to sing, holding a cigarette with her other hand. One word. Sexy.

Quick fix and heartbeats, gets me so easily

Now you got me on my knees

This will be the death to me

Tic tac, time goes by, hits me so suddenly

How you knock me off my feet

I'm the Queen of Apologies

Now I'm fighting this feeling

but it never stops, never stops

I'm still waiting

And I'm stuck with this feeling

will it ever stop, ever stop?

I keep trying

I blame no one, but myself

so honestly, is this how it's gonna be?

Tell me, who's the enemy?

Monkey on my back keeps me so desperatly

How you got me on my knees

This will be the death to me

So sick of this feeling

but it never stops, never stops

I'm still waiting

And I'm stuck with this feeling

will it ever stop, ever stop?

You see, I'm still shaking

And I'm fighting this feeling

This will be the death to me

I'm the Queen of Apologies

And I'm fighting this feeling

but it never stops, never stops

I'm still waiting

And I'm stuck with this feeling

will it ever stop, ever stop?

You see, I'm still shaking

And I'm fighting this feeling

This will be the death to me

I'm the Queen of Apologies

And I'm fighting this feeling

but it never stops, never stops

I'm still waiting

And I'm stuck with this feeling

will it ever stop, ever stop?

I keep trying

And I'm fighting this feeling

And I'm stuck with this feeling

will it ever stop, ever stop?

I keep trying

This will be the death to me

This will be the death to me

I'm the Queen of Apologies

As she ends the song she smiles a devilish smile and throws her cigarette into the crowd. They erupt with applause and I do too. She's amazing. Then she points at the keyboardist and he launches into another song. I can't help but think of Eurythmics when I hear it and a huge smile spreads across my face. Only Spencer is nothing like Eurythmics, her voice is sharp and kind of angry and extremely heartfelt, in the hottest way possible. I'm melting into her every word. I'm melting into her all over again.

They play a full set, and I don't budge for a single song. I just watch her. I love the way her voice races through the room and makes the crowd rock to the beat of her music. No ones jumping around or going crazy. They're all mesmerized by her voice, and her hips when she sways from side to side, and how you can see a lot of her thigh when she dances around. But I'm mesmerized by so much more than this. I mesmerized by the fact that she exists and that I exists and that we exists in the same room.

When they finish their last song, Spencer gives a dramatic bow for the entire crowd and then almost topples off the stage. She's totally drunk. One of the guitarists grabs her shoulder and leads her offstage quickly and I can't help but feel empty not seeing her for two seconds. I leap down form the bar, and am about to head backstage when I feel a firm hand on my shoulder. It's the blonde guy from earlier. I weasel out of his grip and am about to give him a piece of my mind when I take a closer look at him. He looks just like Spencer, except taller, and his eyes are little more grey, a little more sad.

"Who are you?" I ask, and he can't hear me over the music, but he reads my lips. He doesn't answer, but points toward the restrooms at the back of the club. He starts to walk toward them and I follow reluctantly. Really, I just want to get backstage. I just want to see Spencer.

When we reach the bathroom doors her pushes me into the men's room and locks the door behind us. I consider being afraid, but then when he looks at me, his eyes calm me. They're just like Spencers. They have some strange power over me. He leans back against the wall and folds his arms across his chest, just watching me.

"You're her brother aren't you?" I ask and he nods.

"And you're Ashley Davies." He says matter of factly, and I just nod. "I'm Glen" he says and I extend my hand. He takes it and gives it a rough shake.

"So what can I do for you Glen?" I ask casually and he does a horrible job of hiding his smile. I don't smile back. I don't know what's going on.

"What took you so long?" he says with a huge smile and I take a deep breath.

"That's a good question."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

"Should I start at the beginning?" I ask with a small grin, and Glen just puts a hand up to silence me.

"No. NO," he rushes to say. "That was a rhetorical question." We both laugh at this and the air becomes lighter. I just focus on his eyes, trying to forget the fact that we're locked into a one person men's room. He doesn't say anything for a while and I can tell that he's trying to figure me out. He's trying to decide whether he even wants me to see Spencer again.

"Does she ever talk about me?" I ask quietly, and he just smiles, resting on the sink. I wrap two arms around my body.

"For the first month she talked about you everyday. Non-stop. But then she stopped." I frown at this, but Glen notices because he is quick to say more. "That's when the drinking started," he added looking away and I just sighed.

"So…I turned her into an alcoholic?" I ask, with wide eyes and Glen chuckles again.

"Ashley, Spencer is a big girl. She started drinking because she wanted to." I nod that I understand and take a deep breath. "But…" Glen starts and I was expecting this. I was expecting a catch. "Before I let you see her I need to know that you aren't here to hurt her." I look up at him and his eyes are serious, so serious that I visibly gulp.

"Look Glen," I began, standing up straighter and trying to find the words. "I took one look at your sister and my entire life up until that point seemed pointless, meaningless even. And then she just disappeared. Now you tell me, how do you think that felt?" I give Glen a moment to think about my question and he just nods. "And then I came here tonight and walked right into her. I mean she was there, singing in front of me, and smiling and taking my breath away. So…once again, you tell me, am I here to hurt her?"

Glen blinks a couple of times before the corners of his mouth perk up. "She's probably backstage resting if you're ready to see her. Do you need me to take you?" he asks, and now it's my turn to chuckle

"It's okay Glen. I'm pretty popular around these parts," I reply, unlocking the door and the music hits me in the face like a hammer.

"Oh yeah!" I hear Glen yell behind me, but I'm already shuffling through the crowd. When I reach the backstage door, before I can pull out my pass, the two bouncers just step aside. "Go right in Ms. Davies," the taller one says and I push past them. "Thanks boys," I add, with a snicker.

When I've pushed past the usual technical crew and a huddle of musicians I assume are preparing to play, I enter the lounge area. Before I get a chance to digest my surroundings I hear an intake a of breath and notice that the two guitarists from Spencer's band are staring at me with their mouths hanging open.

My business senses take over for the moment, and I march over to them immediately. I extend my hand to the taller of the guy. He has blonde hair that covers his eyes and most of his face. "Hi, I'm Ashley Davies, CEO of Raife Records.

"Hi, I'm Ashley Davies, CEO of Raife Records."

"I know," he says dumbly and I suppress a giggle. He holds my hand a little too tight and just stares forward so I turn my gaze to his band mate, who immediately assesses the situation. He pries our hands apart and then steps in front of his blonde buddy.

"Hi, I'm Eli," he says extending his own hand, but I just nod. He laughs some and then takes a step back. "Yeah sorry about my friend Jack here. When he gets intimidated he turns into a jock." We both laugh at this and I give Eli a good lookover. If he weren't nineteen years old and I weren't totally in love with his lead singer I'd give him a try. He's average height with black hair gelled straight up and is wearing a black fitted t-shirt and dark blue jeans with black boots.

"It's okay," I answer with a glance toward Jack, whose burying his head. "So Eli, you guys were great out there."

"Thanks," he says. "We've been operating with new stuff thanks to a new songwriter."

"Oh? Anyone special?"

"Yeah. That blonde who was singing up top."

"You mean Spencer?" I ask a little too quickly and Eli narrows his eyes some.

"Yeah…you know Spencer?"

"No," I answer with a wave of my hand and then go back into my business mode. "Look, Eli I came here especially to see you guys tonight and I'm not gonna lie, you were amazing. And I would love to sign you to my label."

"What's the catch?" Eli asks, raising an eyebrow and I just chuckle.

"No catch. Well, we'll offer you a preliminary signing with pay, pending a few demos and testing you out in some select cities and then, if that goes well, we'll talk big contracts."

"Is that all?" he asks with wide eyes and I just nod. That's all. I'm paid to say a few sentences to great musicians and show them to the world.

"What do you think Eli?" I ask, and he smiles harder than I have ever seen a person smile in my life.

"Hell yeah!" Jackson screams behind him and they both leap three feet into the air, high-fiving each other. I step back and laugh heartily. This is what I live for.

"Great. So I'll get your information from the manager here and contact you some time next week, okay?"

Both boys just nod and continue to jump up and down. I'm so caught up in watching them parade around and cant "Hell yes!" that I don't feel her eyes on me. I don't even see her until she steps from behind a curtain and is looking me directly in the eyes. She takes a deep breath and I almost forget to breathe myself. She's still wearing the polka dot dress and the sleeve is sagging a bit off her right shoulder. I stand stock still and it feels like all the air is being sucked from the room. I'm drowning in the blue of her eyes and the way she's taking the tiniest steps toward me, like she can't decide if I'm real. After a moment, Eli and Jack notice her and run directly to her.

"Spence! This is Ashley Davies and she just offered to sign us to her label, after some like preliminaries and stuff!" Eli shouts and they both pull Spencer into a hug, but she doesn't take her eyes off me. She's just staring and her eyes are glazed over with something that I can't quite place.

I take another calculated step toward her, and within seconds she's in my arms. She wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me close, just sighing into my neck. I grab her hips and pull her even further into me, trying to remember her smell, to brand it into my mind. I want to stow it away for whenever I miss her, for whenever she's not right beside me or in my arms.

"I missed you," I whisper into her ear, and she just holds me tighter. I can't mistake the alcohol on her breath, but I ignore it for now. Right now, in this moment, she's My Spencer and she's perfect.

"Someone's happy!" Jack says gleefully, but Eli elbows him in the stomach, watching us with suspicious eyes.

"You okay Spencer?" he asks, and Spencer finally pulls away from me, resting her hands on my hips.

"I'm find Eli," she answers, but she's still peering deep into my eyes. She smiles widely and I smile back, but then her eyes fly open and she lurches from my grasp. I start to chase her before she bends over just two steps away from me, vomiting all over the floor. I immediately grab her hair and pull it behind her head. Then, Glen's beside me all of sudden and he's rubbing her back and saying soothing things over and over again. It takes me a moment to register what he's saying.

"It's okay Spence. She's here now. Ashley's here."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

I'm in a rather small bathroom still holding onto Spencer's hair as she vomits into the toilet. I can tell you, this is not how I expected to spend my Friday night. Then again, I also hadn't expected to find Spencer in the first place, or to fall in love with her all over again.

"She still going strong?" I hear Glen ask, as the door creaks open. I turn to look at him and offer a small smile.

"Yeah," I say with a sigh. "I'm amazed she has that much food inside of her." Spencer hacks noisily and I close my eyes, trying to control my own stomach. I place my hand on her back and began to rub it in circles.

"Look Ash," Glen starts, coming toward me. "Why don't you wait outside while I get her cleaned up, huh?"

I perk up at this. "I can do it!" Glen just smiles.

"I know you can, but I doubt that Spencer here is too happy about you a seeing her for the first time in months bent over a toilet. It's not very flattering…"

Glen cracks a small smile and I can't help but chuckle too. Maybe he's right. I turn to Spencer and whisper into her ear. "I'll be right outside baby," I start to stand, but then I add, "I'm not going anywhere."

Glen moves toward me and takes Spencer's hair into his hands. She's not puking anymore but she's crumpled atop the toilet with her head in her hands. I can't see her face and I don't think she wants me too. Glen offers me another sheepish smile before turning to Spencer with an almost mechanical seriousness, as if he's done this a million times before. The door closes on the two of them and I find myself back in the lounge room backstage. Eli and Jack are sitting on the sofa. Jack is sipping a beer with his head reclining on the sofa, his eyes closed, but Eli is watching me. I walk over and sit beside him.

"How is she?" Eli asks after a moment.

"Not good," I answer simply and I lean forward, pressing the palms of my hands into my eyes. "How long has she been like this?" Eli doesn't answer for a while and I know that he's watching me.

"A couple of months now," Jack answers dryly and I just shake my head. "She was fine one day and then BOOM, the next she was a depressed alcoholic."

"Shutup Jack," I hear Eli admonish, but jack just smacks his lips.

"Come on E! If we're gonna work with her she has to know the truth." Jack says quickly and I still don't look up.

"That's an interesting word," Eli says slyly and I fidget in my chair. "Truth. What do you know about truth Ms. Davies?" he asks and I can feel his stare like fire. I take a deep breath before sitting up and looking him straight in his eyes. They are hard, like I know he wants them to be, but they are also laced with something else, fear. I back down a little bit.

"To tell you the truth Eli, I wouldn't know the first thing about it," I answer and he just stares at me. He was expecting something more, but I don't have it to give him. My heart is currently bent over a toilet seat in the bathroom.

Just then, the bathroom door swings open and Glen enters holding a sleeping Spencer in his arms. Eli immediately stands and moves toward them. He wipes Spencer's sweaty hair from her face and just smiles at her. "What are we gonna do with you?" he whispers and the words are laced with so much love that I visibly gulp.

"Well, first we're gonna get her out of here," Glen says, and then with a tentative glance toward Eli, he turns to me. "Ash, before she passed out she said she wanted to go with you." I nod reassuringly and reach into my purse for my keys.

"Wait. What?" Eli says staring incredeously from Glen to me. "Come on Glen!" he yells and Glen just shakes his head.

"It's what she wants Eli," he says in a tired voice and I know that Glen has had enough worry for one night.

"My car is right out front Glen," I say and I move toward the door, careful not to look at Eli. I don't want any trouble. Not yet.

"See you soon Ms. Davies!" Jack yells as the door closes behind Glen and I and I just smile. I like that kid already, even if he is a little dopey.

A couple of hours later, I have Spencer in my bed, with all the curtains drawn and I cool towel on her forehead. I redressed her in some of my pajamas. She's been sleeping for somewhere around three hours and I don't know what to do. I placed aspirin and pepto bismol by the bedside, just in case she still feels awful when she wakes up, but I still can't sleep. I'm just sitting in a chair beside my bed, reading a book and glancing over at her every thirty seconds. In this time, I've becomes reacquainted with every aspect of her face, how round and bright it is, and how when she smiles in her dreams it reaches all the way up to her eyes, like it wants to sprout from her face. I've decided that she's a flower, a magnolia. My magnolia, and she's blossoming right here in front of me.

As I'm moving into the third chapter of my bookk I hear a muffled yawn, and when I pull my book down I'm met with those gorgeous blue eyes. We don't say anything for a while. I just stare into those eyes, trying to remember everything about them that made me fall in love with her that night, and trying to forget everything about that that made her leave me that next morning.

"Hi," she says quietly and I smile, placing my book in my lap.

"Hi."

There is so much that needs to be said, so many things that we need to work through. I wonder if she even knows about Aiden and I, or if she's involved with that Eli guy or if this recording deal is going to fall through. I wonder if she even wants to be here, if she's regretting it this very second, if she really just wants to move on with her life and forget about me.

I'm ripped out of my thoughts by a small voice. It takes me a moment to realize that it was Spencer who spoke.

"What was that?' I ask, training my eyes on her again. I want her to know that I'm here.

"I said…could you hold me?" she says quietly and her cheeks turn a brilliant shade of red.

It's cute.

Instead of answering I just stand and set my book on the chair. I climb into the bed beside her and pull the covers back, making sure not to shake the bed too much. As soon as I've secured the covers she pushes back into me and I wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her as close as possible. We both exhale at the same moment and it feels like I've been holding that breath for months. I've been waiting for this. I began to rub circles on her stomach and I plant a kiss on the top of her head. She doesn't say anything and after few moments her breathing levels out. I close my eyes too and wait for sleep to come, thanking God or whoever it is up there for bringing her back to me.


End file.

South of Nowhere, Drama, Romance