DC Elseworlds 1. Chapter 1

Title:Have Yourself a Batty Little Christmas

Author:TheatrChy

Disclaimers:I own a sock. Don't sue me.

Note: Takes place in my little AU, YEARS after Baby Bat.

Ah, Christmastime at Wayne Manor. There wasn't anytime quite like it. Alfred knew to expect the best and the worst from the Master and his family. He still loved the season though, and busied himself preparing dinner for Christmas Eve. Not only was Master Dick returning home with his wife, Barbara Grayson-Gordon, but Madam Barbara's father, former Commissioner James Gordon, would also be joining the family. It was very rare for anyone outside the family to attend Christmas dinner. Alfred wondered what the occasion was. He only hoped for the best.

Selina was livid. Absolutely livid. The Batman wasn't even on duty during the day on Christmas Eve and he had still missed it. She paced in the study, just waiting for her husband to dare approach her. The door creaked open. Bruce entered cautiously, trying to maintain an air as though he had done nothing wrong. "Alfred said you wanted to see me," Bruce said to his wife. Bruce only got a glare in return. He gulped silently. He knew what this was about, and he did not look forward to it.

"It's one thing for the Batman to miss something like this," Selina hissed, "but for Bruce Wayne to spend Christmas Eve at the office instead of at his daughter's ballet performance is unforgivable."

"Selina-" Bruce began.

"The Nutcracker, Bruce," Selina continued. "A time-honored tradition, one of the greatest ballets a dancer can perform in and you...missed it."

"But, Selina," Bruce responded.

He was cut off by Selina, "Clara," she hissed, "Our little girl danced the part of Clara."

Selina's eyes practically glowed green with anger at her husband. She hissed at him and scratched him with her nails on her way out the door. Bruce winced. Selina scratched him so rarely now. Come to think of it she only scratched him when he upset her about matters concerning their daughter. He'd gotten a lot of scratches lately.

In the parlour, Dick and Martha sat on the couch together. Martha read Dicken's _A Christmas Carol_ while Dick stared into space shaking his leg.

"Dick," Martha said in a tone very much like the Bat's. "You're shaking the sofa." She glared at her big brother.

"Oh. Sorry," Dick responded. He popped up to bother the butler doing some last minute cleaning. "Hey, Alfred, need a hand with anything?" he asked.

"Rest assured I have everything under control, Master Dick."

"Aw, come on Alfred, it's Christmas lemme give you a hand."

"That's entirely unnecessary, Master Dick."

"Oh come on Alfred, I insist." Dick tried to wrench away the elder gentleman's duster for which he received a sharply pinched nerve. "Oww!" Martha simply smiled, maintaining concentration on her book. The doorbell rang. "They're here!" Dick shouted as he leaped over the sofa, swung around the stair banister and slid across the foyer floor only to be beat by the butler again!

"Allow me, Master Dick," Alfred insisted. In awe, Dick just stood there while Alfred answered the door. "Commissioner Gordon, Madame Barbara, so nice to see you," Alfred said to the guests as they came in from the Gotham winter.

"Hello, Alfred," Jim Gordon responded cheerily. The butler took their coats and ushered them into the parlour.

"Dinner will be served shortly," Alfred announced then disappeared into the kitchen.'

True to his word, Alfred had dinner served shortly. The atmosphere was festive and tense at the same time. Sitting at opposite ends of the table, Selina and Bruce glared at each other. To Bruce's right sat Martha and Dick. To his left sat Jim Gordon and Barbara.

Amidst the dinner conversation Jim piped up, "So what do you all think of this Batgirl?" To which Dick responded with the rather dramatic act of choking on his yams.

Standing by, Alfred reprimanded the young man, "Master Dick, what have we said about chewing our food before we swallow?"

Martha continued eating quietly from her plate, making eye contact with no one. Bruce tensed visibly, and Barbara suddenly found the ceiling very interesting.

Selina answered, "I think she's doing a lot of good. Don't you, dear?" Bruce glared at his wife.

Jim wasn't dumb, he'd pretty much figured out who the Batman was years ago, but this absolutely clinched it. And he was betting that he was sitting across the table from the aforementioned Batgirl.

Dick was absolutely panicking. This isn't how this night was supposed to go. "Quick," he thought to himself, "Gotta change the subject before Bruce has a stroke."

As usual it was Alfred to the rescue. "Miss Martha," he praised from his station, "that was an absolutely stunning performance you gave this afternoon. No one can dance the part of Clara like you." Well, he sort of saved the day. This only made Martha and Bruce tense even more visibly.

"Thank you, Alfred," Martha answered curtly and glimpsed over at her father.

"Uh, Martha," Bruce began, "You know I wanted to be there..."

"It's okay, Dad," Martha answered, "I'd rather you be there for more important things in my life."

There was silence throughout the room. Dick and Barbara looked across the table at each other, communicating in that silent way couples do. When Barbara smiled at Dick, he knew the time was right, and spoke up. "Hey, everyone," Dick spoke up, "Babs and I have an announcement." All eyes were then on Dick who started to stutter. "I, um, well, you see..." Barbara lay her hand across the table, Dick took it and smiled the biggest Grayson grin imaginable. "Well, we didn't think it was possible but..."

Barbara spoke up, "We're having a baby."

"My word!" was Alfred's vocal reaction. Inside he was ecstatic for the young master.

Selina was the next to speak up. "Well, that's wonderful! Congratulations, both of you!" Selina stood up and moved to hug Barbara before moving over to Dick, hugging him and giving him a big, wet, "Mom" kiss on the cheek.

Martha just grinned a Cheshire cat grin (her smile was one of the few things she got from her Mom) as she regarded her father and Jim, who were silent, stunned. Martha couldn't help it, she heartily slapped her dad on the shoulder and said, "Well, whadda you think about that, Gramps?"

Dick and Barbara both had to stifle their laughter as Bruce glared holes through his daughter's skull. She just kept smiling.


	2. Chapter 2

Robin perched atop a gargoyle. It was quiet considering it was Christmas Eve. For some reason this night of the year was often crazy. If it wasn't Joker, it was some other Arkham cook looking to spread holiday cheer so to speak. But this year, all was quiet in Gotham save a few attempted burglaries which Robin had been able to stop easily.

"Robin," a voice said behind him. It was a serious voice, could have been _the_ voice were it not obviously female.

"Batgirl," was Robin's cold response. He really hadn't wanted to run into any of the Batclan.

"I thought you would be with your family tonight." Batgirl perched beside him.

"They're in Bermuda," Robin replied.

"Oh," was her quiet response. After a few minutes of silence she continued, "Why didn't you say anything?"

"About what?"

"About being alone on Christmas. You could have joined us this evening."

"I didn't want to intrude."

"T-Robin, it wouldn't have been an intrusion. You are family. In some ways you're more family than I am."

"I'm a 'good soldier,' Batgirl, nothing more."

"Maybe. Maybe you're what he wanted me to be."

Robin looked over at Batgirl. Her face did not betray the emotion that her voice did.

"Batgirl, you're his child, nothing can replace that."

"I'm his daughter. Not his son. He's always loved Dick more because he was a boy."

"That is bullshit."

"Oh?"

"If your dad was as sexist as you seem to think he is, then why was there a Batgirl before you?"

"She wasn't his..."

"She wasn't his daughter," Robin completed. "See, me he'll throw out in the line of fire, but you? He'd rather die."

Batgirl detected the bitterness in Robin's voice. "Robin, you're more valuable to him than that."

"Look," Robin stood up, "Think what you will, but your father loves you more than you know. Be glad you have that." With that said, Robin shot out his grapple line and swung out over Gotham.

"Would you take that ridiculous hat off?" Batman snarled.

"Hey! I'm being festive here," Nightwing quipped, flaunting his bright red Santa hat.

"You're broadcasting our position!"

"Who stuffed your stocking full of coal?" Nightwing rolled his eyes behind his mask. "Now come on. These kids are gonna want their presents!"

Batman muttered something under his breath as he followed Nightwing into the orphanage they'd visited every Christmas Eve since Dick Grayson had come to live with Bruce Wayne.

As usual the children were sound asleep, and a few presents lay beneath the humble, but aesthetically pleasing tree. Nightwing and Batman quietly set to work laying out the presents for the children. As they were leaving, two children, a little boy and a little girl peeked around the doorway. Batman either did not notice them or ignored them and made his exit. Nightwing smiled and help a finger over his mouth saying, "Shh," before disappearing into the night.

Oracle worked from the Batcave this Christmas Eve, as she had the last few Christmas Eves since marrying Dick. Barbara sighed. The Batcomputer wasn't nearly as advanced as her systems at home in Blüdhaven, so it was taking forever to work. Plus it was a slow night.

Alfred approached from the stairs to the study. "Hot cocoa, Madam Barbara?"

"Alfred, it's just Barbara."

"Of course, Madam Barbara."

Barbara sighed again and rolled her eyes. "Hot cocoa would be great, Alfred."

As Alfred poured her cocoa, he ventured into a conversation. "A slow night for the Oracle?"

"And everyone else it looks like. Guess we get an extra special Christmas present this year. No looneys!"

"Master Dick and yourself seem to find yourselves with a very special present as well."

Barbara could hear the smile in Alfred's voice. She smiled too. "Yes. I never thought it possible, not after..." Her smile disappeared. "It's still dangerous though. For me and for my baby. My chances of miscarriage are higher, and the strain it will put on my body..."

Barbara felt Alfred's gentle hand on her shoulder. "I understand Madam Barbara, it is to be expected. Have you spoken with Doctor Thompkins?"

"Yes, of course. She referred us to an obgyn, Doctor Chris Callaghan." She cringed. "He says I'll have to adhere to strict bedrest in a couple of months."

"Pardon me for asking, Madam Barbara, but how far along are you?"

"Two months. But we only found out a couple of weeks ago." Barbara smiled at the memory of learning she was pregnant. She'd gone in for her regular physical exam with Leslie, the only doctor she trusted fully and completely, when Leslie found that she was pregnant. Barbara was ecstatic even knowing all the risks involved. And when she told Dick...It was priceless. He'd been getting ready to go out on patrol, but hadn't put his mask on yet.

"Hey, short pants," she'd called him back into Oracle's lair after he finished ranting about the terrible day he'd had at the BPD that day.

"Yeah, gorgeous?" he'd wandered in, prepping his mask with spirit gum.

"Don't you want to know how my day went?" Barbara had pretended to be annoyed.

"Oh, geez. Sorry, Babs. I'm a big goof."

"Yeah you are."

"How did your appointment go? Not missing any parts?"

"Actually..."

"Oh god, Babs, I'm sorry," he'd hurried to her side. "That was a stupid joke. What is it? What's wrong? We'll fly in all the expert doctors there are."

Barbara smiled. "Dick, I'm pregnant."

He'd been speechless. And fell on his ass right in front of her, jaw hanging nearly to the floor it seemed.

Barbara had giggled. "Well, at least you shut up."

Before she could speak again, Dick had moved to her, kissing her passionately.

"Madam Barbara?" Alfred's voice brought Barbara back to reality.

"Sorry, Alfred," Barbara was a bit flustered. "Just remembering."

"Ah." The gentleman's gentleman took the tray with Barbara's empty cocoa mug. "Might I suggest, Madam, that you retire? It seems the Fates have granted you an evening off. You may as well take advantage of it, and lord knows you need your rest."

Barbara yawned, not having realized she was tired. "Sounds good, Alfred. Let Dick do all the busywork tonight. I just need to shut down here."

"Of course, Madam."

Barbara smiled. What would any of them do without Alfred?

Catwoman sighed. The East End was quiet this Christmas, and for this Catwoman was grateful. She had more important things to consider right now, like the fact that she was going to be a grandma! Alright, so Dick was not her biological son, but she definitely thought of him as a son, even if he didn't actually call her "Mom." Selina recalled the first time she met Dick, years ago, back in her thieving days.

It had been at a charity ball for the Gotham City Orphanage. Selina was there to check out the merchandise, so to speak. Perusing the room from behind her champagne glass of ginger ale, she felt something bump into her. When she looked down she saw a small dark haired boy in an equally small tuxedo. He couldn't have been more than eight years old. She lowered herself to his level.

"Well, hello there," Selina purred.

"Hi, um, sorry ma'am," the boy blushed.

"I don't believe I've had the pleasure of meeting you," Selina held out her hand. "Selina Kyle. And you are?"

Dick shook her hand vigorously, grinning, "Dick Grayson"

"Grayson, huh? I don't believe I know any Graysons."

Dick just grinned. "I wouldn't think you would. I live with Bruce now."

"Bruce?"

"Yeah, Bruce Wayne," Dick stood on his toes trying to find Bruce. "He's around here somewhere."

"Bruce Wayne is your dad?" Selina grinned her Cheshire grin.

Dick furrowed his little brow. "Well, he's not my dad. My dad died, with my mom."

"Oh," Selina brushed a lock of hair from Dick's forehead. "I'm sorry dear."

Dick shrugged. "Not your fault." He perked up. "Well, I better go find Bruce. Nice to meetcha Miss Kyle!" And with that Dick was gone through the crowd of Gotham's elite.

Selina smiled at the memory. "And now our boy's gonna have a baby of his own," she said to no one in particular.

"Scary, isn't it," a voice said above her.

Selina looked up and grinned. "You know I'm not supposed to see you out at night."

Batgirl flipped down to her mother's level. "Yeah, well, it's Christmas and this is an emergency."

Catwoman quirked her eyebrow. "That's what commlinks are for."

Batgirl rolled her eyes behind her mask. "Not that kind of emergency, and besides, he might hear over the commlink."

"He?"

"Robin. His parents took off for the holidays without him."

Catwoman growled. "I know."

Batgirl blinked. "You know?"

"They always leave him alone at Christmas. Mrs. M used to be there for him, but since they had to let her go, he's mostly been on his own."

Batgirl was shocked. "Why haven't you and Dad said anything or, or done anything?"

Catwoman gave a grim smile. "I wanted to, but your father insists that Robin will say something if he 'needs anything.'"

"Well he won't, and he thinks we don't care about him. That he's just a 'good soldier.'"

Catwoman sighed. "Well I suppose your father hasn't exactly gone out of his way to prove Robin wrong on that one. Since Ja..."

Batgirl softened. "Yeah, I know."

"So you see why your father..."

"No, he's still being a jerk." Batgirl fired her grapple line. "Come on, I've got a plan."


	3. Chapter 3

Robin opened his bedroom window with a little more clunking about than he usually allowed himself. He'd stayed out all night even though there were no serious threats to the city. He didn't want to think about how alone he was this Christmas. Not again.

Just as he started working on getting out of his uniform, his commlink beeped.

"Robin here."

"Robin," it was Batman, "I need you in the Batcave immediately."

"What is it, Batman?"

"I'll inform you upon your arrival. This line isn't secure. Hurry. Batman out."

Robin sighed. So much for sleep.

The Redbird pulled into the Batcave at a breakneck speed. As soon as it was safely parked, Robin quickly emerged from the driver's seat.

"Batman, I'm here!" he called. No answer. "Batman?"

Alfred emerged from... somewhere. "Master Bruce is unable to entertain in these quarters, but if you do not mind, Master Timothy, I have taken the liberty of arranging a suitable outfit for you in the men's dressing room.

Robin blinked. "Alfred, what's going on?"

"I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to say, young sir." Robin gave him a skeptical look. "I have, however been told that should you not comply with these wishes a certain Bat-girl would, pardon me, sir, shove your batarang where the sun does not shine."

"Martha," Tim growled.

"Yes, I myself wonder where I went wrong in teaching the young mistress proper etiquette."

"It's not your fault, Alfred," Tim sighed. "So where am I supposed to go after I get dressed?"

"The parlour, Master Timothy. Hot cocoa and fresh muffins and croissants will be waiting."

"In the parlour?"

"It is Christmas Day, Master Timothy. Perhaps you didn't get the memo?"

"Oh I got it all right," Tim bemoaned to himself.

After a much needed shower, Timothy Drake made his way up to the Manor's parlour. As usual the Manor was a perfect Christmas wonderland thanks to Alfred. He found more than hot cocoa and edibles in the parlour, though. He also found the entire Wayne family, including Babs.

"There he is!" Dick pointed out to the others. "Geez, kid, what took you so long? Fall asleep in the shower?"

"Maybe," Tim glowered.

"Uh oh, looks like we got a Scrooge on our hands," Dick teased. "NOOGIE TIME!" he then bellowed as he leapt over the couch.

"Hey!" Tim yelled, blocking the oncoming noogie.

"Master Dick!"

Both men froze. "Sorry, Alfred," the both recited in unison.

Snickering, Selina approached her two sons. "Merry Christmas, Tim," she pulled him into a hug and kissed his cheek.

Tim blushed. Selina had that affect on a guy. "Uh, thanks. Merry Christmas to you too."

Selina smiled. "That's more like it. Now come on," she turned to the rest of the room, "Let's open presents."

Tim blushed even deeper. "Um, all my presents for you guys are at home."

Barbara laughed out loud. "You think that's gonna stop this crowd, Timmy?"

"We shanghaied those before you even turned in for the night," Martha added, a Cheshire grin plastered on her face.

Tim sighed. He could never win in this crowd.

Many presents later, Tim had finally loosened up some. He sat on a sofa next to Barbara across from the other sofa on which Bruce and Martha sat. Selina sat in a chair next to Alfred, whom they had finally convinced to sit down already, while Dick delivered everyone's presents, momentarily stopping to open his own.

Martha was adoring the new pair of ice skates from Bruce. She'd actually hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. This rather threw Bruce, but he seemed happy nonetheless. Meanwhile Dick was tearing into a present.

"Who's it from?" Barbara insisted.

"Timmy boy," Dick answered.

"Stop calling me that!" Tim groaned.

"Oooo, lookit," Dick cooed as he pulled out the light-up clip-on tie Tim got him. "Dude, does my little brother know me or what?" Dick grinned like a mad man and clipped the tie on before high-fiving Tim.

Now it was Martha's turn to groan. "Ugh, Barbara, I can't believe you're reproducing with him!"

Barbara laughed. "Yeah well, at least I'm already used to having a kid around."

"Hey!" Dick cried out indignantly.

Everyone laughed at that. Except Tim. Who sat there. In shock.

"Alright Tim, your turn," Dick said still laughing, shoving a present at Tim.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Tim finally came to his senses. "Did she say...are you? Wait a minute!"

Barbara giggled. "Oh, Tim, I'm sorry, I guess we forgot you missed that little detail."

Tim just stared at her in shock.

"Uh, yeah," Dick swept a hand through his hair and moved over to his wife. "Babs and I are having a baby."

Tim stared. Then got very serious and said, "Babs, seriously. You could do so much better. Run away with me?" he batted his eyelashes.

Barbara, as well as the others, laughed out loud, especially when Dick cried, "Hey! Stop hitting on my wife!" and wrestled Tim to the ground.

Laughing, Tim finally relented. "Okay! Okay! Uncle!" He found himself upright again. "Seriously, congratulations you two," he hugged Dick, and the leaned down to hug Barbara and kissed her on the cheek.

Dick sighed, "What did I say about hitting on my wife, Drake?" as he shoved Tim's present at him.

Tim sat down with his gift.

"Who is it from?" Selina asked.

"Um..." Tim frowned when he saw the nametag. "My Dad."

The room fell silent. Dick touched his shoulder. "Hey," he said softly. "He loves you kid, he just..."

"Has a lousy way of showing it. I know." Tim sighed.

"You're always welcome here, Tim," Bruce piped up.

"Yeah, I know."

"Do you?" Martha was boring into him with those sharp blue eyes of hers.

Tim smirked. "Well, I know that if all else fails you'll beat me over the head with a club and drag me back to your cave." Suddenly, Tim found himself at the receiving end of a Bat-glare from Bruce. Dick, however, found this extremely hilarious and nearly fell over laughing. Tim sighed. Nope, he couldn't win in this crowd.

Later that day, all was quiet in Wayne Manor. Not a creature was stirring, not even...okay, well there was an Alfred stirring. He peeked into the parlour. They were all right where he had left them. Master Bruce was sandwiched between Madame Selina and Miss Martha on the sofa. The two women were curled up against him while they all slept. On the sofa, Madame Barbara slept leaning against the pillows, while Master Dick used her lap for a pillow, one leg draped over the arm of the sofa. Master Timothy slept on the floor in front of the fireplace. Alfred sighed. He hoped that now the boy understood how much he was cherished by his family. His real family. Nevertheless, it had been a good Christmas at Wayne Manor.


End file.

DC Elseworlds, Humor