Naruto 1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

**Dreams of Snakes, Frogs and Foxes**

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto….if I did then Tachi and Naru would be getting it on!

This my first attempt at a Naruto fanfiction so I will take all flames and personal jabs at my writing abilities with a light heart and creepy enthusiasm cuz I know I only wrote this story for the heck of it.

**WARNING, WARNING, WARNING**: yaoi (as in dudes doing weird shit with each other), sexual content, adult language. Rated M for mature and F for fucking funny, at least I hope it's funny. YOU have been WARNED! Don't like it, then don't read it. Seriously, don't do it to sate your curiosity read another story. If none of this makes you want you to read this story less then ENJOY!

Breathing hard Naruto slid onto the forest floor, using a sturdy tree for support and looked up upon the setting sun. Training with Jiraiya these last two years has indubitable made him stronger, but damn it's so tiring how the pervert works him out every day. The endless training sessions, repetition of jutsus until they become second nature, as well as the sparring matches (or as Naruto likes to call it the sadistic bastard beating me up sessions) takes a toll even on someone with as much stamina as Naruto.

Naruto had half expected Jaraiah to just show him how something works then leave him to practice it, while he went and did his 'research'. No such luck though, Jiraiah was like a blood thirsty leech cemented to Naruto's flesh. _(ouch!)_

"Only, one more year left," breathed Naruto in a relieved sigh. "I wonder what everyone's been up to?" he said as he drifted into a comatose induced sleep of the dead.

The forest where Naruto laid sleeping was peacefully quiet yet teeming with creatures. The collective calls of the wild soothed the sleeping boy, as he dreamed of his friends he had not seen in two years.

I knew I was dreaming the moment a giant purple frog came out of the lake I was sitting beside told me I looked pretty and tried to kiss me. Sooo... after getting over the weirdness of that and escaping the orange** tongue** **o_f_** _**doom**_ I wondered around seeing what else might happen. I soon regretted it though.

I mean it was pretty normal at first. There was a wide open field half enclosed by tall lush green trees and the rest by a sparkling blue lake. There were even animals there, like foxes, insects, fishes and birds; all where they would normally reside in real life. So nothing strange there. But as I walked through the towering forest trees being drawn to the mystery of what laid beyond, I came across a meadow of pretty flowers and residing in the middle of said pretty flowers was none other than I want to kill my brother soooo dead, Uchiha Sasuke.

'What the fuck?' I mouthed the words, unable to comprehend why I was dreaming about that teme in a friggin meadow. I repeat _A FRIGGIN MEADOW_!

Dream Sasuke presumable unaware or unperturbed by dream Naruto's shock, then proceeded to pick a batch of the purple orchids he was sitting beside and looked in his direction. He then got up, brushed himself off and tried to smooth down his unruly hair, as if trying to make himself presentable. (Author raises brows here) Then he started walking towards dream Naruto at the edge of the meadow. (Hahaha, just image Sasuke skipping towards Naruto in a field of flowers in slow motion, you'll get the joke then)

While all this was happening dream Naruto was busy trying to reassure himself that dreaming about Sasuke in a meadow did not make him a sissy in any way; all the while nodding to himself as he listed various things that made him **VERY** masculine. This is why he did not notice dream Sasuke's antics until he was a little too close for comfort and alarm bells went off inside Naruto's head.

Run. The word kept on chiming in my head. It was really freeking me out and it kind of got me a little worried, but I'm Uzumaki Naruto and I can take on Sasuke-teme any day of the week. Plus this is my dream and that would make me even more of a sissy. Not that I'm a sissy now, of course!

So I held strong and readied in a taijutsu stance, paying little mind to Sasuke's preferred weapon of choice, flowers. It did register as kind of strange but they could be poisonous for all I know. Not that poisons have much effect on me because of the fox, but Sasuke doesn't know that.

Sasuke neared and I frowned as he refused to get into a proper fighting stance. 'Oh maybe I spoke to soon,' I mentally receded as Sasuke got down on one knee in front of me. Maybe some kind of jutsu he learnt from the pedophile gay snake. 'Better to attack before he does,' I thought as I made the hand sign for the shadow clone jutsu. I never got to to say anything though, because I was too busy gaping like a fish at the words that came out of Sasuke's mouth and the look on his face.

"Naruto, will you go out with me?" said Sasuke as he looked up all cool Uchiha-like into my face, with an expression of what could only be described as earnestness. So of course dream Naruto's response to this was.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…" a scream ripped through the quiet serenity of the forest. Naruto shot up into a sitting position, all the while breathing heavily and trying desperately to suck in as much oxygen as humanely possible. He looked around frantically trying to locate the source of what sounded like the last noise you make before dying a violent death. He saw Jiraiya who too had been awaken from his slumber, who was staring at him.

'Why is Jiraiya staring at me,' I thought. My mental question being answered with.

"That must have been some nightmare, you damn well woke up half the forest," Jiraiya said in a yawn.

"I made that sound," I said disbelievingly.

"Yeah, you scream like a girl or like a guy if you swing that way."

"Pervert!" I could feel the blush creeping up my face. 'Damn that pervert.'

"Oh you're blushing, you really were dreaming about a guy. Hehe" Jiraiya giggled wiggling his fingers in the creepy way only he can. I shuddered as I remember bits of my dream. I shuddered again as the words 'Will you go out with me' all but crawled up and down my skin. My face an anger red as the tint of the blush deepened.

"Soooo….who was it and how far did you go?" Jiraiya fished.

"Leave me alone. I will not become your research material, you perv!" 'Plus I don't want to ever speak of that even if it was just a dream,' I added mentally.

"Oh don't get your panties in a bind. I really do want to know what frightened my little gaki so much," said Jiraiya his expression changing from curious pervert to worried god father.

Seeing him like that I really did want to tell him, but my PRIDE AS A MAN prevented me from doing so.

"It's nothing ero-sensai, just another nightmare about you kissing Tsunade baa-chan," my body doing little convulsions just to emphasis the thought being a nightmare.

"Suuuuuure," Jiraiya said re-positioning himself into his sleeping position, but not going back to sleep without whispering. "Just know that love has no boundaries and I'll support you no matter who you may end up with or what. Night brat."

"Yeah, whatever ero-sennin, night. (Translation of Narutonese: I love you too)". With that Naruto moved to a more comfortable spot on the forest floor and drifted back into a thankfully dreamless sleep.

Oh how unaware he was of the evil low menacing chuckling resonating from inside his mind.

"**And so it begins. Soon Naruto-kun, soon…."**

Months passed by and there were no more disturbing dreams so Naruto just decided to pretend that it didn't happen, saying that it was just his mind reacting to the physical stress his body was under, retaliating in the best way it saw fit; that is, scaring the shit out of him.

Currently our protagonist is finishing his daily warm-up, "9997, 9998, 9999, 10000," he counted breathing steadily as he placed a finally kick on the once healthy looking tree, now covered in dents.

"Very good Naruto," Naruto smiled brightly up at his sensai. When he had first started out he couldn't even finish the warm-up without passing out and that's when the number of swats, kicks, jumps, laps and punches were only 100 each.

"So good it may be time to take it up a notch," Naruto's smile fell as he thought, 'This can't be good.'

"Starting tomorrow you will do 15,000 of each." (Somewhere in konaha a strange looking man in green tights suddenly felt the need to preach about youth-fullness and thus was kicked out of his lover's bed.)

"Son of bitch," Naruto mumble.

"What was that?" inquired the toad sennin, fully aware of what was said but just wanting to know that the young blond had learn some discipline under his tutelage.

"Hai sensai."

"I thought that's what you said. Now let's get this show on the road," Jiraiya said getting into his taijutsu stance, Naruto doing the same.

(_A very one sided fight later…_)

Naruto looked worse for wear, right eye swollen shut and left arm hanging lifelessly by his side on his knees breathing heavily with a trail of blood running from his busted lip.

'At least there were no internal injuries this time,' thought Naruto.

He felt a hand rest on his aching shoulder. "You're getting better; the first time we fought you were out for weeks," Jiraiya chuckled.

Naruto glared at his sensai remembering fully well what had happened. "You almost killed me."

"True, but I didn't, anyway you have one hour then I want to show you a new ninjutsu."

With that said Naruto let his body fall unto the forest floor falling asleep before he even hit the ground.

Naruto woke up in a familiar room with a familiar cage holding a familiar evil fox demon.

"What do you want this time fox?" Naruto said knowing that whenever he got pulled in here and his life wasn't in danger then the Kyuubi wanted something.

Amused low chuckling filled the room. **"Oh, you think I want something from you do you."**

Naruto looked back at the fox with a duh look on his face. "Why else would you bring me here?"

The Kyuubi's chuckling increased in volume. **"That's because it's almost time."**

Naruto narrowed his eyes at the fox. 'It's up to something, this can't be good.'

"Time for what?" Naruto asked cautiously.

"**Time to breed of course!"** the Kyuubi exclaimed voice sounding less deep bordering on girly and filled with…..enthusiasm.

Red eyes stared into blue, blue eyes stared into red. There was a brave silence. Then…

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…" Naruto laughed long and hard, so hard in fact that he began to choke and was holding his side for added measure, but even as he began gasping for air and was practically seizing on the ground Naruto continued to laugh for he had just heard the funniest thing in his entire life.

The Kyuubi had been expecting this response having been exposed to the boy's character for so long but its patience grew thin as the ungrateful whelp showed no sign of stopping his idiotic tirade. No the Kyuubi was not pleased at all and to show its great displeasure a fearsome roar ripped through the jaws of the beast and reverberated through the sewer that was Naruto's mind. This got the blonds attention. Yup it pleased the fox much to see the blond vermin jump at the shock and hit his head in the iron ceiling. Much pleasure indeed.

"Owww, you stupid fox! What was that for?"

"**That, you incompetent pea brain was for your incessant obnoxious laughter."**

"Aww come on, you gave me a joke so I laughed. Why are you so mad about it now? Though I have to admit I never really thought you were one to give jokes but funny is funny and that my very furry friend is the funniest joke I have ever heard."

"**It wasn't a joke,"** the fox said with a deadpan expression. This of course caused Naruto to giggle and the fox to be angered about not being taken seriously.

"**I said it's not a fucking joke,"** the fox said with a little more force in its voice.

Naruto just starred on. "How can you say that with a straight face, you have seriously got to teach me how to do that." The fox's anger boiled and the room was flooded with an oppressive atmosphere, killing intent. Feeling this Naruto quickly reevaluated the situation and began to have second thoughts about the foxes attempt at jesting.

"W-wait, you really believe that it's time to ah….." Naruto paused not really comfortable with the word.

"…..breed?"

The killing intent subsided and a wide grin appeared on the foxes face.

"**Yes,"** exclaimed happily the suddenly bipolar fox. Naruto sweat dropped.

"You do know that boys don't have babies right?" Naruto asked slowly as if he were talking to a small child not a millennia old fox demon.

"**Of course I know that…**

"Feww, so you were joking, you scared me for….

"…**but neither of us is male, or at least you won't be male for very much longer."**

Once again blue eyes starred into red and red into blue, but as much as Naruto wanted to laugh he could tell that the fox was serious; the absolute joy in the fox's eyes left no room for doubt. So Naruto did the only thing he could think of.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…," Naruto screamed for all he was worth. Body springing up into a sitting position, body shaking violently as tears rained down his face.

Jiraiya hopped down from the tree he was in as soon as he heard Naruto scream, rushing over to his blond student. He knelt down in front of him putting both hands on his shoulders trying to ascertain the source of his sudden turmoil. As far as he could see all the wounds from their spar had been healed so he shouldn't be in pain. Maybe it was the…..Jiraiya was cut off from his assessment by his student launching himself into his chest, gripping his shirt hard and sobbing.

Jiraiya just stayed silent and enclosed his arms around his god-child. 15 minutes later Naruto stopped crying; now only letting out a few whimpers as he extracted himself from Jiraiya's chest.

"b-breed…..female…..c-crazy-ass-fox, " Naruto stammered taking in large gulps of air.

"Huh," was the toad sennin's response.

Naruto looked up into Jiraiya's face and could see the confusion there so he took one more large gulp of air and slowly got out of his sensai's arms and started pacing.

Jiraiya watched in concern as Naruto paced back and forth seemingly trying to calm himself, then as he stop pacing and looked directly at him. Then he said words that honestly Jiraiya had never ever expected to come out of his god-SON's mouth.

"The fox told me I can have children."

Jiraiya opened his mouth to say something.

"No I'm not fucking kidding."

Jiraiya promptly closed his mouth. His mouth opened and closed several times but for the life of the super pervert he had no clue how to respond to that.

"But that's not possible," Jiraiya was finally able to say.

"Don't you think I know that?! I told the fox that guys can't have kids and it told me that we aren't guys. What the hell? I have a penis; I have always had a penis!" Naruto exclaimed in frustration.

"Wait," Jiraiya said holding firmly onto Naruto's shoulders and looking him directly in the eyes, "Say that again."

Naruto said the first thing that came to his mind, "I have a penis."

…Smack…

"No not that you idiot"

"The fox said we aren't guys?" Naruto questioned while pouting and rubbing his head. Seeing as how he wasn't hit again he probably said what Jiraiya wanted so he continued his rant. "I mean can you believe that and it was so serious, but that can't be true can it?

Naruto looked hopefully at his sensai. 'I mean he may be a pervert and old but he does know his stuff, so he'll tell me that the fox was just messing with me and then him, me and the readers can have a good laugh.' Naruto looked up hopefully eyes sparkling.

"It's true."

So not the answer Naruto was expecting.

End chapter

Alright that's it, not really rated M just yet nor is it that funny, but I must know if my cynical humor is funny to me alone so please review honestly, so I can either continue this story or go back to the drawing board with a new one. Thanks for reading…Chio!


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

**Old man got game**

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

This my first attempt at a Naruto fanfiction so I will take all flames and personal jabs at my writing abilities with a light heart and creepy enthusiasm cuz I know I only wrote this story for the heck of it.

**WARNING, WARNING, WARNING**: yaoi (as in dudes doing weird shit with each other), sexual content, adult language. Rated M for mature and F for funny. I least I hope it's funny. Don't like it, don't read it. Seriously, don't do it to sate your curiosity read another story. If none of this makes you want you to read this story less then ENJOY!

Naruto looked up hopefully, eyes sparking.

"It's true."

These were the last words Uzumaki Naruto heard before promptly keeling over and dying due to a shock induced cardiac arrest.

The End!

* * *

…..I'm just kidding…..

* * *

"It's true."

"Crazy ass ero-sennin says what now?" Naruto shouted in utter disbelief.

Jiraiya looked at his student with remorse still holding onto his shoulders, "We never thought this would happen. I mean how could we know that the most powerful buuji is female. (Author says, HELL YEAH, SCORE ONE FOR THE CHICKS!) I'm so sorry Naruto."

Naruto felt like crying again.

"W-why are you sorry?" Naruto said almost too scared to ask.

Jiraiya looks at his student, the panic evident in the young teen's eyes and lets out a deep sigh. 'I guess even with your luck life still gets the last laugh, eh Naru.' "Naruto, I'm going to tell you something but you have to promise you won't freak out and will listen to ALL of what I'm about to tell you."

Naruto gulped before nodding a shaky yes.

"Well you see the thing is; you know how the seal allows you to use the fox's chakra?"

Another shaky nod yes.

"That's not the only thing it's supposed to do. To deal with the massive amounts of potent demonic chakra the seal gradually adjusts your body to handle it better. Mostly internal changes like increased red blood cells and mitochondria to increase the efficiency of respira….. are you even listening to me?"

"Oh, you lost me at to deal with."

"Okay let's try again. Seal…..change…..Naruto's body."

"Hey, I'm not stupid!"

"Uh-huh. Anyway since it's the Kyuubi's chakra then it would only make sense that the seal would use the fox as a reference for your changes. So eventually you would get features that the fox has.

Naruto's eyes bulge out at the implications of this; an immediate picture of him with fox ears and a tail displayed in his head.

Seeing Naruto's expression Jiraiya knew exactly what he was thinking about. The same image, an admittedly slightly sexier version, flashed before his eyes. Drool! Slender legs leading up to a delectable squeezable butt, soft fluffy yellow tail moving in an erotic sway, cute blushing cheeks, fox ears twitching in anticipation. Legs spread on his back purring 'Jiraiya-sama'. 'I would so tap that!'

Jiraiya's thoughts must have must have played out in high definition in his eyes or something (that something possibly being the drool at the corner of his mouth slowly forming Suna's monthly water supply) because his pupil had a very uncomfortable blush and a quivering form due to the sheer magnitude of his master's hunger stare.

'Why is he looking at me like that? It's kinda like how he is when he's peeping. But it doesn't make any sense, there aren't any naked women around and he was so serious a while ago. The last thing he said was'… then it hit Naruto like a ton a bricks. "Pervert! You sick weird perverted shriveled up old coot "

'Wait what?'Jiraiya was snapped out of his fantasy. 'What the hell was that?' The pervert could not help but question why he would have an image of his male student like that in his head and the slight itching said images caused in his pants. He had never once had such indecent thoughts about any male, ever; especially not his late student's son. Shaking his head free from what he hoped was caused by a two years' worth of blue balls and nothing else, he yelled, "No not like that!"

This exclamation seemed to put Naruto at ease, because he stopped looking at his sensai like he was about to get jumped. So Jiraiya continued with his explanation. "What we expected was like advanced hearing, sight or smell; basically an overall improvement in your senses and probably change in your hair colour due to alteration of the pigment compositions in your body." Jiraiya paused to look if Naruto was still paying attention. And indeed Naruto was paying attention; he actually looked as if he found what Jiraiya was telling him kind of cool. 'That means that he forgot why we are having this conversation in the first place.' Jiraiya could not help the sigh that passed his lips as he thought this also thinking, 'he's gonna truly flip out when I get to the point though.'

With one more sigh Jiraiya continued to explain, "These are implications of the seal which are inevitable. The fourth and I were aware that something like that was bound to happen, but it was only speculation because no one had ever used a seal like the one we made. But at best the alterations were supposed to be minimal, the most noticeable change being the change in hair colour, if that even happened. That is, when we still thought the nine-tails was male like you, but since he is a she…..well"

Naruto started to get nervous now being reminded of the now known to be female evil fox stuck in his gut. He also noticed a change in Jiraiya like he was afraid or something; hesitant to say anymore. Now that is sight bound to freek anyone out because the only things his sensai feared were obaa-chan, the old man (who was dead), Orochimaru touching himself with thoughts of him and female bath houses being shut down (his version of the apocalypse). Seeing as how none of that was relevant to the situation, Naruto was a little more than just freeked out.

"Well….because the fox is female and her being far out powers yours, your changes will be more physical. And… this is why the fox said you were no longer male because," Jiraiya took a long breath "you will get some female attributes and may even get a womb officially making you more of a female sort of male with the ability to get pregnant." Jiraiya laughed nervously and looked at his student, who was still processing what he had been told. All the sennin could do was wait for Naruto's response; he was certain Naruto would not like this one bit and would go crazy, so imagine his shock when he heard Naruto say this.

"Oh, oooooooooooh…. Well I guess it could have been worst." This made Jiraiya look at Naruto like he was crazy, he could not help but think, 'Maybe it was too much for his poor mind to handle, how am I gonna tell Tsunade-hime I broke Naruto.'

Unaware that Jiraiya was questioning his sanity, Naruto continued to talk, "I mean it's not like everyone doesn't already thing I'm some kind of freek, so being a feminine male freek shouldn't matter that much." Naruto looked kind of sad as he admitted that, but he tried to smile as he looked at the silver lining. "And it's not like anyone has to know right."

Jiraiya smile as he looked at his student who always manages to catch him off guard with his random moments of maturity. It's always baffled him how he could never figure Naruto out. "Well, it's nice to see you taking all this in stride gaki, I was worried that you would freek out and possible go crazy, but I knew you were you could handle it, never doubted you at all!" exclaimed the sennin, making Naruto sweat-drop at the obvious lie. "Well then I guess if this is all straightened out we should continue training."

Naruto smile was brought back to its 500 watt capacity, as training would make a good distractor from the tightening pain he was feeling in his chest. "I kinda always knew I would end up alone," Naruto whispered this to himself. Not even the 500 watt smile could cover the despair visible in Naruto's eyes as he accepted his life of loneliness, because it wasn't likely a girl would want him before and now it was just plain too much to ask for.

Apparently, Jiraiya was not privy to this melancholic admission of our hero, if he was he would have never flung his arms over Naruto's shoulder and playfully said, "Now the only thing you have to worry about is choosing a guy back in the village you would want to father your little fox kiddies. I mean even I have to admit that with a few more feminine features to your already lithe structure and cute face and you will bound attract a lot of attention from the male population. "

Ok, so one of two things happened in response to Jiraya's teasing. Naruto became stiff as a board and he stopped breathing. Jiraiya noticed that he now had his arm around a stiffer cardboard version of Naruto. 'This can't be good,' thought the frog hermit. And of course if you predict it bad stuff will happen; so when the second thing that resulted from Jiraiya's teasing was an angry red faced Naruto straddling him on the ground which he had the privilege of falling (being tackled) unto, Jiraiya was not all that surprised.

'Now there is the reaction I was expecting, but he didn't show it until now. I wander why?' Jiraiya couldn't help but wander.

"It isn't true! What do you mean I should choose a father for my fox kiddies. Are you mad? Don't say shit like that, just admit I will forever be alone because no one is gonna love a freek like me and I'm not attracted to men!"

"I'm not lying and you will be attracted to men, you probably already are but you won't realize it yet. I thought you understood or else I would have told you in a different manner that you will essentially have animal instincts and the second most important being the instinct to breed. Animal's don't have unnecessary parts, your womb has a reason for being there. At some point you will go into heat and you will be driven by your instincts to choose a male mate. I prefer it be one from the village though"

"It can't be true I will never let a man fuck me!"

"You won't have a choice."

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no," said Naruto adamantly shaking his head in defiance, his body moving in an unknowingly provocative manner over his teacher's mid-region.

'Maybe it would be better to show him,' thought the sennin, seeing the boy's unyielding rejection of the truth. And the sooner he got him to accept the truth the sooner he would stop wiggling he ass over Jiraiya's crotch area; that was bound to simulate anyone or at least that's what Jiraiya said to himself to make him feel better about the hard on that was coming on.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nmmmhm," Naruto was quieted by the joining of the sennin's lips to his as he was also expertly flipped and under the sennin. And all thought process left the blond due to the shock of his sensai's kiss. His sensai wasn't forcefully kissing him; it was just a matter of lips on lips, skin on skin. And as sudden as the kiss, was the heat that Naruto felt run through his body. He couldn't explain it, there were no words, and no logical thought there was just NEED!

Without any consent from his brain his hands found themselves gripping the sennin's long mane of white hair pulling his head closer so he would deepen the kiss. He needed to be kissed more. But even as he pulled desperately his seme didn't deepen the kiss in fact he had started to pull away and this cause Naruto to whimper against the mouth barely still attached to his. Maybe begging would get his seme to respond. (You want to know how Naruto just magically learnt the know how about gay sex, well…you are seriously asking the wrong person)

Jiraiya considered himself to be a wise man. I mean he is over 50 years old and that is ancient in the ninja world; however at this moment he felt like one of the most stupid people in the entire shinobi realm. He had only hoped to show the youth the truth of his words, cause with Naruto actions speak louder than words; so why was he fighting so hard to keep control of himself from just the feel of Naruto's soft plump lip against his. Fuck, I'm not even gay. But how can his lips be so soft… 'No I must not think this. It's ok Jiraiya you got this, just a little longer and…' It was at this moment that Naruto planted his hands into Jiraiya's hair. 'Ok, all I have to do now is back away, slowly…'

"Please..." Jaraiha's dick twitched and his head snapped up to meet the lust filled gaze of his student. Blue eyes cloudy with need trying to coax a response out of him, and dear Kami it was working. 'No he's your very MALE student, two generations younger than you. Yes the delectable looking fine piece of ass student. He does not know what he's saying. You must not stray to the dark side.'

"…Please, please more…." Little Raiya stood at full attention no Viagra necessary. Naruto could now smell Jiraiya's arousal, just one more push and he would be mounted by the powerful frog. Rocking his hips making sure to make contact with evidence of his teacher's arousal; in a throaty whisper Naruto said, "…Jiraiya-sama fuck me please."

Before his next breath Naruto found himself off the ground and pinned against a nearby tree, with the body of the frog-sennin pressed flush against his and a mouth once again against his but this time aggressively taking siege. Naruto smiled, proud that he could get his seme to respond. Instinctively he wrapped his legs around the sennin, who had begun to grind him into the tree. He opened his mouth for his seme inviting him in.

And Jiraiya didn't waste any time as he plunged his tongue into the waiting hole. Mapping the entire cavern with his tongue and playing with the young ones hot appendage, tasting what was being offered to him. 'Hmmm strawberries' Jiraiya thought as he tasted a faint hint of strawberries which only made him want to have more. Jiraiya decided he liked strawberries, A LOT!

Naruto very much pleased with the sennin's actions moaned out his approval and ground back up against the body on him. One particular grinding motion, made heat run through Naruto's body like never before and he flung his head back in abandonment his body arching of its own accord. He hit his head on the tree he was being ground into and a loud thud resonated through the forest; the force of the impact knocking Naruto out cold and possibly leaving a dent in the tree. (That poor tree!)

Not having been within his right sense of mind; (his mind currently taking a back sit to his dick who was once a Nash car driver who had many an accident) Jiraiya's only concern was that his little fox had stop responding to his touches. After a few more hard trusts into the now unconscious body (_hehehe!_), the action losing its pleasure with no response; the legendary sennin's brain slowly resumed normal function. Taking in the situation he was currently in Jiraiya thought only one thing.

'Oh shit.'

* * *

Naruto woke up outside the cell of Kyuubi, the giant female fox for the second time today.

The first thing Kyuubi said was, **"I don't want that frog to breed you. I admit he is powerful, but he is also old and will not live long enough to provide a good home for you and your kits. He also' doesn't look like the type to settle down and you will want to have more than one litter of kits."**

Then he saw Kyuubi pull out a giant red marker and a chart (just like magic) that had…..what…eh… looked like all the male ninjas in Konoha that Naruto knew who were either older than him or his peers….and she was crossing off Jiraiya's name off the list it seems.

'What the fuck is going on here,' was what Naruto was thinking so of course being who he was he voiced said thoughts.

"What the fuck is going on here?"

"**Well,"** The fox said with an all razor sharp teeth shit eating grin, **"I was bored so I made a chart to help with mate selection. It has all the information you could ever want on all the eligible** **partners in Konoha."**

Naruto had a look on his face, like 'this bitch is crazy!'

"Are you insane? Stop this madness I am not going to have sex with a guy!" Naruto shouted obviously upset with the entire situation.

Kyuubi was not at all deterred by his outburst as it happily said, **"You won't have a choice."**

"Damn it, stop saying that, it's my body, my choice.

"**Uh-huh, I do recall a certain aged male sticking his tongue down your throat not so long ago. It didn't look like you were unaccepting off his affections."**

And then it all came back to Naruto the kiss, the begging, the feel off Jiraiya's tongue, the smell of arousal, the feel of a body grinding into him. "Ah-h," Naruto couldn't help the moan that slipped pass his lips. His body felt so hot. It was so tempting to fulfill his needs, his wants for a mate, but that meant accepting this foolishness, submitting and worst of all letting some guy was knock him up. Bye bye to male pride completely, he could see himself in a pink jumpsuit running through the meadow from his dreams holding the bitch Uchiha's hand. 'Oh hell no!" Naruto thought. Steeling his resolve he shook his head vigorously, fixed his eyes on the beast before him and determinedly said, "I will not submit!" With that promised made to himself and the fox before him he willed himself back into consciousness.

This stunned the fox, what a disrespectful little bitch. She was only trying to help and he just has to be so damn stubborn. Damn that stupid blond.

And specking off stupid blonds….

"Hahahahahahahahah…" mirthful male laughter reverberated through the sewer-like holding cell. "I told you he wouldn't submit that easily. He is too strong-willed and proud."

"**Well he didn't have to shout at me!"** the fox pouted.

"All in good time Kyu, he will be mated eventually," a distinctly feminine voice said.

"And we will make sure he is mated to the right person," a different male voice added.

The fox grinned whole-heartedly, nodding in agreement with the three smirking humans.

* * *

Naruto woke up and the first thing out of his mouth, upon seeing his sensai watching him wearily was, "We never talk about what just happened, ever. You are going to forget it and never mention the word mate or fox kiddies in my presence ever again. Got that!"

Jiraiya looked like he wanted to disagree, say something either about the disrespectful tone his student was taking with him or the fact that pretending there wasn't a problem wasn't going to do either of them any good. But those blue crystals shun with such burning zeal and were promising retribution if he dare disagree so he had to call upon his inner sissy and shake his head in agreement; bending to the will of a genin a quarter his age. What he should do is pull down his shorts, bend him over and spank him until his pert ass was as red as that Hyuuga girl's blushing face. Oh my what it would fell like to have his hands on that butt or have his fingers in that tight hole moving in and out feeling for that special spot. Maybe he should just take him dry as a punishment shoving his cock hard and fast up that hot hole or fuck his delectable mouth….and OH FUCK he was doing it again fantasying about his student. Shit this was Orochimaru's thing not mine. He was cut out of his fantasy just in time to see Naruto smiled brightly and say, "Good because I would hate to see what obaa-chan would do to you if I hinted that you were getting a little too familiar with me?"

Jiraiya paled so visibly that he and Orochimaru were the same skin tone.

Naruto's smile possibly got even brighter. "Well let's get back to training shall we. You were saying something about teaching me a new ninjutsu."

"Naruto you w-wouldn't do that t-to me, would you," a skittish Jiraiya stammered.

Naruto just continued to smile. 'I got him right where I want him, Muahahahahahhahhahaha,'

"Training Jiraiya-sensai?"

Not trusting the youth to not rat him out, thus ending his life violently, he bended easily to his student's will. 'Manipulative son of a Kushina,' were the aged ninja's thoughts as he showed Naruto the hand signs for 'The Great Breakthrough'.

* * *

Three days passed since Naruto's ultimatum and things have gone back to normal. Ok… so not that normal but….. ah hell who am I kidding.

"Jiraiya, you perverted son of a bitch, is that my underwear you're sniffing?" a very angry Naruto shouted at his sensai who was currently in possession of a ramen patterned boxer.

"No," the lie was ingenious, or at least that's what Jiraiya thought when he said it. Jiraiya had found that as time progressed he seemed to get more lost in his fantasies, and his hands just itched to touch his student in ways no sensai should. He was trying really he was, but waking up from steamy dreams with the center-piece of those dreams wrapped in your arms was not helping. Apparently Naruto, not being in control of his body while he slept sought out physical touch and thus cuddled up with the self-proclaimed super pervert who had to restrain himself from raping him in his sleep. Damn he should be awarded for his control but instead he was awarded with a punch to the face from a boy who claimed he was taking advantage of him. Jiraiya was at his breaking point sexually; he needed to go to a brothel and spend probably a week relieving himself or he was going to rape Naruto. He just couldn't take it anymore, shit he stooped as low as to steal the boy's underwear. They can't stay here anymore, not like this.

"I'll fucking kill you," Naruto said as he body slammed onto his sensai; trying to beat the crap out of him not hesitating to throw a right hook into his sensai's waiting face; only for his hand to be caught in a tight grip. Naruto was then promptly flipped onto his back with his sensai above him pinning the caught fist above his head. So he tried a left hook which too was unsuccessful in its endeavor and it too was caught by the sennin. Naruto now laid underneath the weight of his teacher with both his arms pinned above his head. Not a good situation to be in.

"Naruto," Jiraiya growled. Naruto looked up into his sensai's face still angry about the underwear thing. I mean who wouldn't be angry about a pervert stealing your delicate. "You're a dirty old man!" Naruto screamed at him. "I don't care how much you beg for forgiveness, I'm telling obaa-chan."

Naruto had expected Jiraiya to just fly off him and to literally beg for forgiveness like all the other times he played the Tsunade card, but the only response his threat yielded was a growl.

"Naruto," Jiraiya growled again burying his head in the crook of the boy's shoulder; his resistance fading. Naruto was making him angry and anger was distorting his ability to think clearly. The scent of strawberries was slowly getting stronger, signifying that the delectable creature underneath him was so very close to heat. 'Does he taste like strawberries too,' Jiraiya thought as he licked along the neck.

"S-sens-ssai," Naruto stuttered in response to the lick. "What are you doing?" Naruto started to struggle trying desperately to free himself. Jiraiya licked his neck again. Naruto redoubled his efforts. "Jiraiya sensai, snap out of it. Jiraiya-ah, please!" Little did Naruto know was how far gone the frog hermit was.

"NO!" Jiraiya shouted at the defiant submissive below. "You will not continually tempt me and then tell me I cannot have you. You will submit to me!"

Naruto stop struggling and looked up into the eyes of his sensai and got lost in them. Oh yes the power radiating off of this being above him was indescribable. 'My kits will be powerful too,' thought Naruto as he let his head fall back, extending his neck in a submissive jester.

'Hell yeah, this bitch is mine!' thought the primal dominant male. Clouded in his lust there only too thoughts that went through Jiraiya's mind. One. Need sex now. Two. Clothes in way. So with skills that would make you think that prostitutes were trained by ninja's Jiraiya rid himself and the boy beneath him of all clothes, leaving bare skin against skin. He attacked Naruto's lips first, dominating the kiss. He swiped his tongue along the boy's bottom lip, then across the top lip and then wiggled his tongue where top met bottom lip. With a moan from Naruto he plundered into the depths of the moist strawberry flavored cavern. Oh how he loved strawberries! Soon kissing wasn't enough to quench Jiraiya's lust and he went on to do other things.

Leaving the bruised lips, Jiraiya made his way down Naruto's body. Searching for and finding the boys puckered entrance quickly; too lost in blinding lust for proper foreplay. He forced his index finger into the virgin hole, enjoying the cry the body below gave. Whether a cry of pain from the force entre or pleasure from being breeched, it turned him on even more and the way the boy arched up was such a beautiful sight. No doubt there was some discomfort but that wouldn't last long. He could feel the walls around his finger being lubricated naturally by the boy's body. Jiraiya slid his finger slowly in and out of the hole waiting for the muscles to relax before quickening the pace.

"Mmmmhhh, ah ah," the sounds coming out that mouth had to be illegal, Jiraiya was growing painfully hard.

A second finger was not too gently pushed to join its brother. "AAHH!" Naruto cried out. Pushing in, out, stretching out and in Jiraiya went slow then faster torturing the wreathing body beneath him. Not that Naruto was complaining, unless "Aah, yesss, Ahh, AAHH!" was a protest.

"Oh, Naru you make the sexiest sounds." Jiraiya pulled out his fingers move back up the body lining up his cock with the prepared entrance.

"Jiraiya!" A voice screamed.

"Oh I haven't even started yet and you're already calling out my name. I'll make you scream Jiraiya-sama to the heavens all night long, naru-chan."

With the boy's hole prepared all Jiraiya had to do was snap his hips in one swift thrust and Naruto would be his.

The voice screamed loud enough to frighten the sennin and stop him mid-thrust. "Jiraiya!" The voice shouted again, clearly not happy. It was unusually familiar that voice. 'That sounded like Minato,' the frog hermit thought.

"Yeah, you son-fucking son of a bitch."

"W-wait, what? It's not possible your dead."

"Oh you best believe it's me. What in the blue fuck do you think you are doing? Get your old shriveled up, soon to be detached, dick from out of my son you God damn cock sucking perverted pedophilic ass-hole."

Jiraiya was flabbergasted. Minato his dead student, the fourth Hokage and the father of the boy he was about to fuck into the ground was talking to him (well shouting at him really).

"DO IT NOW YOU FUCKER!"

Yup that got Jiraiya moving, pulling himself quickly out of and off of Naruto. Jiraiya did what any sane man would have done. Faster than ninja skills could even explain Jiraiya was packed and ready to go. All thoughts of claiming Naruto purged from his thoughts he then picked up an in-too-much-of-a-daze-to-object Naruto slung him over his shoulder and disappeared into the forest canopy.

"Konoha here we come!"

End Chapter

Now the real mayhem can begin in a village full of sexy men and one foxy Naruto in heat.

Ammm…. please review. Please tell me what you think. It's my first story and I need critiques.

Thank you for reading my poor excuse for a story, I appreciate it.


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Naruto, Humor, Romance