Harry Potter Never cross an Irishman

**Okay, I was pissed off. Very pissed off. This helped. As did hours on the phone to my best friend, but I'm not going to post that conversation on the Internet. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything, because this if I did own any of these guys that would make me a literary genius and possibly the happiest girl alive. But I'm not. I'm miserable.**

**Pairings: One-sided Deamus. I know; it's cruel to keep them apart. But I was angry, and so I channelled my anger through Seamus. **

**Dedication: To YT, for betraying my trust and losing all decent present rights for years to come. Be grateful that I love your girlfriend so much, or else I would have killed you and left her to mourn you.**

**Warnings: I used bad words. I often do. What can I say? I'm an angry individual.**

**Notes: I know that Colin is extremely OOC. But I don't like the guy. Sorry and all, but he creeps me out. So there. I vented my anger on him. Get used to it.

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Seamus was angry. Very angry. He couldn't remember a time in his life when he had ever been angrier, and now he was baying for blood. Creevey blood. He was going to teach that camera-wielding snot never to tell anyone's secrets ever again, and then he was going to calm down enough to let himself cry.

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It had all started the other evening in the Common Room. Dean had gone up to bed already, pleading exhaustion. Seamus had decided to stay down a little longer in order to get some thoughts straightened out in his head, and soon found himself alone, or so he thought.

"Penny for 'em." Colin said, making Seamus jump half out of his skin.

"Jesus, Colin! How long have ya been down here?"

"Oh, a while now. Are you alright? You seem depressed."

Seamus was indeed, depressed, but he'd be damned if he told Colin Creevey why.

"I'm fine, Colin. Go to bed."

Colin just smirked. "I'll bet it's girl trouble."

"It's not girl trouble, Colin. Go away." Seamus was beginning to get annoyed.

"Guy trouble?"

"What?" Seamus blanched. Had Colin guessed, or was he just stabbing in the dark?

"Come on, you can only get that gloomy over your love life, and if it's not girl trouble then it's got to be guy trouble." Colin gave a smug grin and settled in the chair opposite Seamus.

"And what makes you think I'd tell you, if there was any trouble with my love life?" Seamus dodged; hoping that if he clammed up enough then the brat would go away.

"Because I won't leave you alone until you do. Come on, tell me who it is. I promise I won't tell anyone."

"No."

"Tell me."

"No."

"Tell me."

"No!"

"Go on, tell me!"

Seamus gaped at Colin. This guy just didn't know when to stop. "Listen Colin, if you go away now, I won't hex you. Pester me anymore, and I'll make you wish you'd never been born. Understand?"

Colin didn't seem as threatened as Seamus had hoped he would be. "Just try it." He said coolly, "I can block any spell you throw at me with my eyes closed. I get an awful lot of people annoyed by my photographs, so I've been forced to swot up on my defensive skills. I'll bet the worst you do is make your wand explode." He grinned, far too confidently for Seamus to be comfortable with trying to hex him. He was right; he probably would make his wand explode.

"Alright, so I won't hex you." He sighed. "But I'm still not going to tell you, so fuck off already!"

"Is it Harry?"

"What?"

"Is it Harry?"

"No!"

Colin sighed. "Well then, that leaves Oliver Wood."

"No! Stop trying to guess!" Seamus was ready to punch this kid.

"What about Dean? You're practically joined at the hip!"

Seamus started to have a coughing fit, "Wha…it's not…now look here…"

"It is Dean, isn't it? Aw, that's cute." Colin looked positively delighted and went skipping off to the boys' dormitory.

"Hey!" Seamus called out. He was not letting the squirt get away with that.

"Oh, don't worry Seamus, I promised I wouldn't tell." Colin said. He smiled to himself and let out another 'aw'. "Seamus and Dean. How sweet."

"Shut up, Creevey!" Seamus growled, but Colin had already disappeared up the stairs, giggling like a girl. Seamus was overcome by an almighty sense of panic. He was going to have to be subjected to a lifetime of teasing from _Colin_! The kid would have this over him forever; he would be able to snap his fingers and Seamus would have no choice but to come running. But then, compared to Dean knowing, it would be worth it. Just. So he miserably trudged upstairs to go to bed.

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The next morning, Seamus woke up to find everyone had gone down to breakfast without him. And when he did meet up with them, they started hushing each other as though they had just been talking about him. Dean wouldn't even look at him in the face.

"Alright! What is it?" he demanded after ten aggravating minutes of awkward silence.

"Nothing!" Ron snickered.

"It is not nothing. Would somebody please tell me what's going on?"

"Oh, it's just something Colin told us last night." Harry muttered. Seamus felt sick. That little bastard swore he wouldn't tell!

Dean cleared his throat, "Look Seamus, I'm flattered, but I don't swing 'that way'. Sorry." He offered an apologetic smile, and Seamus wanted more than anything for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Then one word went through his head: revenge. Colin was going to pay dearly for breaking his promise. Oh yes, he was going to pay.

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And so it was that Seamus came to be storming through Hogwarts, thinking all kinds of murderous thoughts. Within ten minutes he stumbled upon his quarry.

"Oh, hello Seamus!" Colin beamed. "Have you seen the boys this morning?"

"Drop dead, dickhead!" Seamus growled.

"Now, now, don't get in a temp…ah! No! Please, I'm sorry! I…ribbet!"

Seamus grinned as he picked up Colin the toad, and wondered what to do with him next. "I think Hagrid needs a few toads to feed to something or other, don't you Colin?" he said. Colin squirmed and tried desperately to get away. "Don't bother, you little bastard." Seamus snapped. "I'm not really going to let Hagrid get his paws on you. I think I'll give you to Neville as a pet instead. He'll take good care of you, I'm sure." He grinned and pointed his wand towards Colin. "_Wingardium Leviosa!_" Colin hovered a few inches off of Seamus' hand, and then bounced along with his wand as he merrily waved it violently through the air. He seemed determined to make Colin air sick, and continued his torture all the way to the boys' dormitory, until he locked Colin in Neville's trunk.

"That'll teach you, you git!" he crowed. Revenge was definitely sweet.

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**Feedback welcome. Don't worry; I won't chew your head off, unless you're YT, in which case, I will. All signed reviews definitely get a reply. Anonymous ones only if they have an email address. But each and everyone are treasured.**


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Harry Potter, Adventure