Harry Potter 1. Dumbledore's anouncement

Disclaimer- everything that I don't own is not mine.

Authors note- merry christmas! I hope you enjoy this!

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A Christmas Story

Told with the marauders

"Right so in the spirit of the upcoming holiday, I have decided that Hogwarts this year shall have a Christmas play!" The silver bearded man with half-moon spectacles said in a cheery tone beaming at the various expressions on the faces of the students who were half way through their dinners and had only stopped out of respect for Dumbledore when he stood up to make this announcement. The Gryffindor students were skeptical but some seemed to be interested. The Hufflepuffs looked excited, but doubtful since none of them thought they could ever actually get together enough nerve to actually perform on stage where it would be extremely easy to mess up and the whole school would laugh at you. The Raven claws seemed uninterested. They thought that it was a silly waste of time and had far too much studying to do to get involved in a play. The Slytherins seemed to be anticipating watching the sorry students who actually volunteered to be in the play make a fool of themselves. Dumbledore sat back down pleased with his brilliant idea.

"So what do you think?" James asked on the way out of the great hall. It was early November and the holiday spirit was already catching. There was random mistletoe hanging in a few odd places though it was nowhere near as bad as it would be closer to December.

"I dunno seems a bit crazy. I'll wait till we know what play it is." Sirius said hoping over the trick step they had charmed in second year to trap anyone who was unlucky enough to step on it. Filch had tried to fix it but Remus had helped, which meant that the charm was virtually impossible to take off. Of course Dumbledore could have but he hadn't. Maybe he found it funny too.

"I'm definitely not going to. The whole thing is just plain silly." Remus said also stepping over the stair.

"I agree with Remus. Wont it be embarrassing to go out in front of the whole school in costume, and knowing Dumbledore he'll probably make us sing and dance or something." Peter chipped in gloomily knowing that James and Sirius being who they were would try out as long as they got main roles so they could mess the whole thing up, and they would most likely convince both him and Remus try out to, somehow.


	2. The Notice

Disclaimer- everything that I don't own is not mine. Everything that I have come up with entirelt origanaly which isnt much Is mine

Authors note- And hears the next chapter. I hope you like it and I promise it does get funnier as it goes on

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-the next day-

"Look there's a notice on the board about it!" Sirius yelled up the stairs at his lazy friends who didn't wake up on time for classes. Well of course Remus did and he was sitting on the arm of a chair near by while they waited in the common room for their friends to finish getting ready. There was a crash and the sound of two boys clattering down the stairs and then they and Remus were beside him at the notice board.

"About what?" Peter asked anxiously.

"The play oh smart one." Sirius said sarcastically pointing. The other two boys looked at the large sheet of bright green charmed parchment. The words on it were written in shiny red ink that read,

Actors wanted for

"A Christmas Carol"

Try outs are on November 9th at One AM to 4 PM

All students wishing to try out should have a short skit ready to perform on that date in the great hall for the judges.

"Anyone heard of it before? A Christmas Carol?" Sirius asked doubtfully. The name was leading him to believe that this was going to involve singing.

"Yeah. I went to see it with my mum when I was eight." Remus said reading the qualifications for the skit.

"What's it about?" James asked. Maybe if there was a kissing scene he could convince lily to try out…

"It's about this man who hates Christmas because it closes down business and he was really obsessed with making money. So his old business partners who are dead come and tell him he's going to be visited by three ghosts. Sure enough later that night the ghosts of past, present, and future come at different times and teach him to be kind to others." Remus said distractedly still reading the list of skit rules,

"It says here that humor is aloud in the skits but no violence." James as Sirius exchanged disappointed looks and Remus began to read again.

"Sounds really cheesy to me." James said gloomily.

"Well it could be fun, and we could make it fun." Sirius said determined to make the most of this.

"We don't have to try out." Peter pointed out.

"Oh Peter where's your holiday spirit?" Sirius said grinning. For some reason he had decided that it would be fun and now he wanted to be in it. James seemed to see this and sighed.

"Well I'll give it a chance. What about you Remus, Peter?"

"Well… I'm not that good at acting…" Peter said hesitantly.

"Don't worry peter I'm sure they'll find a part for you. Moony?" Sirius said putting his infamous puppy dog look to work.

Remus sighed,

"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that when there's other people around!" Remus hissed back looking behind them in a paranoid sort of way.

"Remus we're the only people here because classes have started." James pointed out.

"Your avoiding the question." Sirius added.

"Lets talk about it on the way to class so we don't miss charms entirely." Remus answered leading the way out of the entrance hole. As they walked Remus thought of a good argument.

"The tryouts are on a Hogsmead weekend." Remus said trying not to smile triumphantly.

"Remus we've been to Hogsmead loads of times." James said dismissively

"Come on you'll have fun, I know it." No one could say no when both James _and _Sirius put their full effort into getting you to say yes, and to avoid more trouble about it Remus grudgingly agreed.


	3. Auditions

Disclaimer- everthing I dont own isnt mine. Everything I do own is mine

Authers note- This is the end of what I already have typed up so the next chapter wont be up quite as fast but this is the best chapter by far

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-tryouts-

"Next!"

The four boys walked into the great hall, which was looking very different with the tables against the wall and a stage at one end. The head boy and Girl lead them to the stage and to them that the judges would be coming soon from the room off the teachers exit after they were done discussing the last group. The marauders stood behind the curtains getting ready to start their skit. The judges came out and sat in a row of four chairs right in front of the stage. The judges included Professors Dumbledore, Minerva, Flitwick, and Sprout.

The curtains opened and Sirius walked out onto the stage whistling. James came out from the other wing and as they walked past each other James said,

"Good day Sir."

"Good day miss." Sirius said back happily. Obviously this wasn't planned because of the look on James' face as Sirius skipped off stage. Remus walked on stage then.

"Sir? Sir? Did that man just call you Miss?" James trying desperately to stay in character and looking mad when all he wanted to do was double over laughing said in a choked voice,

"Why yes, yes he did."

"Well then we must do something about that! Hello I am detective Whatsit and my assistant Mr. Grumbles should be hear any moment." Peter took this as his cue and ran on with a box of conjured doughnuts.

"Here are your doughnuts sir!" He said in and urgent voice.

"Why Mr. Grumbles! We have no time for doughnuts! We're on a mission!"

"We are?" Peter said bewildered hiding the doughnuts in his pocket for later which made Dumbledore chuckle.

"Yes we are. This good man has just been called a lady! We must find the villain!" With that he conjured a magnifying glass and peered at the stage floor frowning and took the edge of his robe wiping away a bit of dust and sighing with pretend relief deciding on the spot that his character would be a clean freak.

"Er… Sir? What about the mission?" Peter reminded him rocking on the balls of his feet and acting even more nervous that normal due to being onstage with people watching but it seemed to fit his character so it didn't matter.

"Oh right." Remus cleared his throat straightening up and pointing ahead. "Onward then to find the this villainous name caller."

The three boys walked off the stage in the way Sirius had left and Sirius came back from the opposite side skipping and humming.

"Oh I'm the villain and I like to-" he paused not being able to find a word that rimed with villain, "Well anyway." Cackles evilly. "They'll never catch me because I'm the gingerbread villain man!" With that he ran off stage. The other three enter.

"Where could he be?! We live in a world that's only thirty feet long!" Remus said in genuine exasperation at how weird their skit was getting.

"I'm hungry." Peter said pulling a doughnut out of his pocket and eating it.

"No Mr. Grumbles! Don't eat the food! We have to ration it or we'll starve!"

"Why sir why would we starve?" Remus asked.

"Well how much food do you think grows on a world with a wooden ground that's only thirty feet long?" James answered.

"I see your point good Sir. In that case we should not leave the rations with Mr. Grumbles!" Remus dived at peter to grab the doughnut but peter leapt back with an indignant shriek.

"These are my doughnuts! Get your own!"

"You got them for me to begin with." Remus shot back.

"You didn't want them!"

"Would you kindly suggest where we could get doughnuts of our own?" James interrupted.

"Oh well that's easy. Just through that portal over there. There's a world made up entirely of doughnut stores. I think its called Boston." And so they walked off stage and ran out of time to do more. But the judges were amused and that was all that counted.


	4. Opening night

Disclaimer- everything that I don't own is not mine.

Authors note- And finally the play! I know its kinda confusing but as the students get more into their roles I start refering to them as their charactors and they sorta become the play like its actually happening. I hope that makes sense now.

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-the play-

The scene opens on a dreary gray city covered in layers of ice and snow. Villagers hurry back and forth greeting each other merrily and a group of carolers sing silently in the background as the narrator, standing in the middle of the carolers, begins to speak walking forward to center stage.

"The snow whipped about getting in your eyes and the wind bite leaving reddened cheeks and sore ears. Everyone wore their warmest clothes and many layers more, yet everyone was cheerful, for it was Christmas. Everyone that is, except for Edgar Scrooge…"

The curtain closes and opens again on a different scene. A tall handsome dark haired boy sits at a desk a stack of papers on his left hand and a box of coins on his right. He reaches into the box and pulls out a stack of golden galleons counting them and taking one sheet of paper that already had a few marks on it and writing a figure on it with a plumed quill. Just as he was placing the quill back in its stand the sound of someone knocking on a door is heard and the boy who is dressed in a fine black old-fashioned suit walks over and opens it.

"Oh its you." Was how he greeted the pale brown haired boy on the front step carrying a wreath.

"Merry Christmas Cousin Scrooge." Said the boy merrily trying to hand him the wreathe.

"Bah humbug!" The dark haired boy slammed the door shut and walked back to his desk.

"Perkins!" He yelled and very annoyed looking boy with messy black hair and glasses ran into the "room".

"Put another log in the fire. But only one mind you! Logs cost money you know."

"Yes Mr. Scrooge." The boy said in a meek tone hurrying past him to get a log, but as he did so he whispered in and undertone so only the boy playing Scrooge would hear. _"Perkins?"_

"Um… Mr. Scrooge… I was err…" The black haired boy stuttered as if scared to say what was on his mind as he straightened up from pushing the log into the grate.

"Yes. Spit it out." Scrooge said impatient.

"Well its Christmas eve, Mr. Scrooge."

"And?"

"I was wondering… If maybe I could go home early seeing as my wife was going to have a Christmas dinner and I want to spend time with my family this holiday." The words came spilling out as if to get them other with and the boy braced himself as if for an explosion but all that came was,

"Fine. Go then. Just don't be expecting to be getting paid for today." Scrooge said irritably turning back to his money. The black haired boy grabbed his cloak and top hat from a stand and raced out the door before Scrooge could have a chance to change his mind.

The dark haired boy started singing "money money money" under his breath organizing and counting the gold before standing up and stretching.

"I need to get some sleep. All this work is tiring." He yawned stretching and turned to go through a door behind his desk. Suddenly the lights went out and instead a bright flashing light illuminated the scene. Two ghosts stood in a cage hovering a few feet above the stage rattling the bars and the chains that chained their ankles and wrists to the metal of the cage. One was a girl with hair stuck up under a top hat and the other was a pudgy boy who resembled a rat.

"Scrooge… Scrooge!" The ghosts said eerily. Scrooge jumped and spun around staring in shock at the apparitions of his long deceased business partners.

"Bob? Parsley? What do you want with me?!" The two ghosts just laughed at him.

"We've only been dead ten years and he's forgotten my name already! Its Marely you idiot who had coins rattling about in your head instead of a brain!"

"Well if you've just come here to insult me I'm going to bed." Scrooge said haughtily turning on his heals.

"Wait!" bob called out after him.

"Why?" Scrooge asked still walking.

"Because we've come to give you a warning." Bob said voice echoing impressively. This stopped scrooge's angry storming away and he slowly turned eyeing the two glowy gray figures apprehensively.

"What kind of warning?"

"You will be visited by five toasts-"

"Three ghosts." Bob cut in, "Each on a separate hour starting at the stroke of midnight. And if you don't listen to them and have a change of heart you will dye but sunrise and be trapped in the chains of your own greed like us!"

"With no food!" Marley added and they disappeared with a clap like thunder.


	5. The ghost of christmas past

-The Ghost of Christmas Past-

"Scrooge slept fitfully that night, plagued by nightmares of a dreadful sort. At the first stroke of midnight from the deer pitched church bell a few streets away Scrooge was jerked awake with one especially loud grunting snore." The narrator's voice was cut off by the dark haired boy giving aloud grunt and rolling out of the large four-posted bed.

"Bloody bell!" He grumbled, "Always going off at weird hours in the middle of the night…" He trailed off after the bell chimed for a second time remembering the visit by the phantoms of his dead partners earlier that night. Scrooge stared around nervously for the ghost they had warned him of. He waited for four nerve-wracking chimes before deciding it was all rubbish and the apparitions had been part of his dreams and was about to climb back in bed after twelfth chime when a beautiful amber haired green eyed ghost wearing a plain white ankle length gown appeared at the foot of his bed. He openly stared for a moment before the ghost walked around the bed and with a grim expression slapped him across the face.

"Ow! What was that for?" Scrooge exclaimed holding the side of his face that now had a lovely red handprint on it.

"I am the ghost of Christmas past. Are you ready to hear what I have to say or would you rather just stare at me longer." The ghost said eerie voice rather annoyed. Scrooge not taking the hint answered,

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Take a picture it'll last longer, but you wont be able to ogle women when your dead you sexist jerk." The ghost was openly glaring now and looked about to storm away at one more mishap in Scrooges part.

"Okay! Okay! Tell me your lesson then would you?!" Scrooge didn't seem to be aware that that remark was extremely rude.

"Ask nicely."

"No."

"You will ask nicely or I'll leave and then you'll die by morning."

"Fine… Ghost of Christmas past… will you… err… please… um… teach me what you have come to err… teach me?" The ghost seemed to find this expectable, for she nodded and held out her hand.

"Take my hand and I shall show you." Scrooge winked at her as he took her had and she glared at him but flew them out the window anyway. They flew over the wintry landscape of the town but as they flew the town changed. Only in minor ways like a shop that was there when they left wasn't there anymore and a few signs changed.

"Where are we going?" Scrooge asked the ghost shivering from the cold.

"The past of course!" And with that they dived downwards scrooge shutting his eyes tightly as if afraid but clearly enjoying this very much. They landed outside a building brightly lit with music wafting outside when a young man opened the door for some fresh air. The ghost caught the door and they went inside. No one seemed to see them because as the ghost told Scrooge upon being asked, they couldn't see or hear them. All around them couples were dancing on a large wooden floor to merry Christmas music and others were sitting at tables laughing and clapping along. Suddenly Scrooge stopped staring dead white at one couple dancing in the middle of the floor.

"But that isn't possible! I'm here I cant be there, and… Oh no… no… Marie!" His face contorted to that of anguish.

"Yes that is your lost love who you left in favor money." Said the ghost of Christmas past.

"Oh no its not that… I never loved her. In fact I murdered her for her money. I remember it like it was yesterday… actually it was yesterday…"

"No scrooge that's just you greed ruined mind playing tricks on you. You did love her. You loved her dearly."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"No I didn't."

"YES YOU DID!" The ghost screeched at him.

"How would you know? You're not me."

"I know because I'm the friggin' all knowing ghost of Christmas past."

"How can you be all knowing if you only know the past?"

"Shut up."

"Yes dear."

"And so fed up with Scrooge the ghost of Christmas past took Scrooge home and left hoping never to have to see that dreadful man again."


	6. The ghost of christmas present

Disclaimer- everything that I don't own is not mine.

Authors note- sorry it took so long for me to get this up but I've finally finished it! The next chapter is most likely the last one unless people really want me to write more. So if you want more remember to reveiw!

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-The ghost of Christmas present-

"Scrooge awoke to find himself in bed once again and the church bell chiming the hour of one in the morning. This time he was expecting a ghost and he wasn't quite so surprised when a small pearly transparent figure appeared sleeping in his armchair across the room."

"Err… Ghost? Wake up." Scrooge said getting out of bed and walking over to the armchair leaning over the ghost.

"Arg avast yea dastardly fiend!" The ghost yelled leaping to his feet and crashing straight into Scrooge and they both tumbled to the floor.

"Get off me!" Scrooge yelled pushing the ghost off of him and standing off.

"Ah… Sorry about that mate." The ghost said. He was dressed in pirate garb complete even with an eye patch and hook instead of a left hand. The only thing that threw off his pirate persona was the cowboy hat placed jauntily on his bright red hair, which was made redder by the fact that it was the only color left on him except pearl.

"So… who are you, and what have you come to say?" Scrooge asked rather tired and wanting to get this over with.

"I am the ghost of Christmas present-"

"Oh! PRESANTS!" Scrooge said happily looking around to see if the ghost had brought anything with him.

"Not presents you newt brain. Present, as in the time!"

"Oh…" Scrooge looked so disappointed that the ghost just had to laugh at him.

"What are you laughing at?" Scrooge asked defensively.

"You know there's joy in giving presents as well as receiving them." The ghost said ceasing his opportunity to work his lesson into this.

"Your nuts."

"No its true." The ghost protested. "Let me show you." And with that they left the warmth and safety of scrooge's house. Not in the same manner as the last ghost but rather just disappearing and coming back outside of a different house, a much smaller house. But there was something different about this house, something warm and welcoming. Inside a girl with blond hair tucked behind her ears wearing a floral patterned dress and a stained white apron was stirring something in a pot over a stove.

"Children! Children!" The girl called through the door into the only other room of the small house where four children had been playing. Three were boys all around eleven and one was a girl. The boys ran into the kitchen to help their mother set the table and the girl went over to the corner to help the last child. He was the smallest of them all and was a cripple. No he wasn't missing any limbs but he needed help walking because he was weak. A sickness was eating away at his strength and without the right medicines he would die soon. All this the ghost explained to scrooge as they watched. The watched the family prepare for Christmas dinner trying their best to keep up the spirit of the holiday even though one of their number was ill and their father was late. Just then the black haired boy with glasses rushed past Scrooge and the ghost into his home. He ran forward hugging his wife and children, wishing them all a Merry Christmas.

"Sorry I'm late, but I was lucky Scrooge let me go home at all!" He said to his wife before going over to his smallest son and handing him a long thin package that was wider at one end than the other.

"Here Tiny Tim. This is for you." The boy smiled at his father saying thank you before opening the package with some difficulty. Inside was a roughly carved crutch.

"Tank you daddy." The boy said putting the crutch under his arm and trying it out but he began to cough again and sat back down. The rest of the family watched worried, but they all put on smiles to make the boy feel better.

"Well its time for dinner then!" The mother announced and they all sat down around the table.

"I'm sorry I didn't get a turkey but Scrooge didn't pay me for today." The father said sadly.

"Its alright dear I made soup." The mother said spooning some watery brown stuff from the pot into everyone's bowls.


	7. The last ghost

Disclaimer- everything that I don't own is not mine.

Authors note- Last chapter! Hope you liked it! I'm going to put up a cast list too hope it amuses you.

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-The last ghost-

Suddenly Scrooge was back in bed in his own home. He sat up in his bed sweating and looking around franticly. Where was the ghost of Christmas past? Once again doubt crept into his mind.

"It was probably all a dream… Yes, a dream." This reassured him a bit and he glanced out the window to see that the moon was gone from the sky and it was turning a bleak gray.

"Finally morning." Just as scrooge was once again feeling himself and ready to start a new day of work sickly looking mist came in through the window wrapping around his wrists and pulling him outside.

"AHHH I'M BEING ATTACKED MY MUTANT MAN EATIONG FOG!!!" Scrooge screamed as he was pulled into the old city graveyard.

"No one answered his pleas for help and fearful screams as he was dropped at the foot of a tall-" The narrator stopped trying to find a better adjective. "Err… Small but still intimidating black cloaked figure.

"What is it you want of me?!" Scrooge said in a shaky yet commanding tone. He was answered with cold silence.

"What are you deaf? I asked what you want of me!" Scrooge was on the point of hysteria but all the spectral form did was shake its ghostly head.

"Oh… Your mute." Scrooge corrected himself. The ghost didn't react to this at all, which scrooge took as agreement.

"So, charades then?" Scrooge asked. The ghost still didn't react.

"WHAT THEN?! WHAT DO YOU WANT?! MONEY?!" Still the silence stretched on, and the first rays of dawn broke over the horizon. Scrooge had seemingly failed his test and a large swirling portal of mist grew behind the last ghost, which raised one skeletal hand and beckoned scrooge forward.

Scrooge backed away looking for an escape but the mist came forward wrapping around him like chains and dragging him off to the portal. Scrooge looked down at the mist and sighed.

"I thought I was going to get chains like bob and parsley! Lousy sickle pinching death specter… To cheap to even give me proper chains!" With those parting words scrooge was dragged off into the swirling gray portal of doom and the specter followed after as the portal closed behind them leaving no trace that they had ever been there and random people broke into scrooges house taking their opportunity to seize his valuable possessions and loads of money. The narrator came forward just finishing stuffing a handful of gallons in one of many bulging pockets.

"Well I'm sure we all learned a valuable lesson today. Don't be greedy or you'll be annoyed by ghosts interrupting your beauty sleep and then pulled into a swirling vortex of doom."

-end-

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	8. The Cast!

Disclaimer- everything that I don't own is not mine.

Authors note- This is the long awaited cast list! please laugh

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**Cast **

Scrooge

- Sirius Black

Scrooge's cousin

- Remus Lupin

Perkins

- James Potter

Bob

- Amelia Bones

Parsley/ Marley

- Peter Pettigrew

Ghost of Christmas Past

- Lilly Evans

Ghost of Christmas Present

- Arthur Weasley

Perkins' wife

- Molly Weasley

Tiny Tim

-Devin Creevey

Ghost of Christmas Future

-err… we don't really know but we think it was Remus

Narrator

- Well she didn't really go to the school and we never found out her name. Actually she might have been a muggle… _Sirius cuts in _OH! She could have been a giant muffin of DOOM in disguise as a muggle-girl come to take over the WORLD and our play!!!

…....

(That means awkward silence)


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Harry Potter, Humor