Chaika - The Coffin Princess/棺姫のチャイカ Girls Night Out

One night a saboteur sister, a possible heir to a lost empire, and a dragoon walked into a bar. Toru was understandably very concerned by this.

"Keep a low profile and try not to draw any attention to yourselves," he warned his three companions with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Of course, dear brother. Why would you think otherwise?" Akari said with her own arms crossed.

He narrowed his eyes at her. "The last time I left you in a bar, the place was set on fire."

"And you think I was responsible?" There was a slight inflection of offense in her voice. "They invited the danger themselves. When I threw alcohol into the torches, I was merely alerting them that the place was a fire hazard. I saved lives. Probably."

"Akari, honorable!" Chaika patted her on the back for her actions.

"Thank you, Chaika," Akari said gratefully in her strong tone.

"_That's _the kind of thing I'm talking about," Toru sighed, resisting the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I'm not going to be gone long, just keep yourselves out of trouble while I scout this town."

"Problem, none!" Chaika said with a small salute in his direction.

Frederica's small figure was already disappearing into the crowd, blonde head bobbing eagerly. Toru leaned over to his sister, whispering, "If she kills anyone, make sure she does it outside."

Akari nodded in understanding while Fredrica yelled out a responding, "I wasn't raised in the wilderness! Well, I was, but that's beside the point!"

Toru rolled his eyes and dismissed himself quickly to free himself of these ladies for an hour or two. "I'll be back."

"Toru, luck!" Chaika waved at him, making him smile at her.

"Thanks."

Akari and Chaika surveyed the bar, the taller girl with a trained and calculated gaze, the other with nervous curiosity.

Akari hummed to herself in satisfaction. "This place doesn't seem to be a fire hazard. Lucky them." She strode confidently into the establishment. Chaika adjusted the the huge coffin on her back and hastily followed the saboteur, glancing about as several pairs of eyes followed them.

They eventually spotted Frederica at one of the booths, already being chatted up by a smarmy looking gentleman. He seemed to hand the small blonde a drink which she accepted with a smile and downed in one gulp.

Chaika lit up upon seeing the dragoon and she started heading in their direction. Then Fredrica seemed to freeze before she slumped so quickly her forehead smacked against the tabletop. Chaika gasped and hastened to her side. "Fredrica, sick?!" she cried out, tears forming in her eyes.

The man startled at the foreigner's appearance, but he scrambled for the unconscious form. "Yes, very sick! I should take her to the doctor right away."

Akari appeared behind Chaika. "Is that so? You should hurry then."

Chaika nodded in agreement, panicked tears in her eyes. "Doctor, grateful!"

The man scooped up the limp Fredrica in his arms and hurried out the exit, a smile growing on his face.

Chaika watched them leave, concern written all over her violet eyes. "Fredrica, okay?"

Akari guided the young princess to the now empty booth. "She'll be fine. Fredrica is just following brother's orders."

Chaika tilted her head to one side. "Orders?"

As if on cue, the ground shook as if something huge had appeared just behind the bar. There was a powerful roar of a delighted dragoon that shook the windows, followed by a frightened scream, presumably male. It was too high to tell, but the scream was silenced quickly.

The bar was deathly still for a few seconds before everyone went about their business. There was no way a dragoon was around, right? Probably some wild boar or something.

"Orders," Akari repeatedly helpfully in a way that only made Chaika more confused. When a waitress came by, they ordered waters. Akari ordered a third alcoholic beverage and explained that it was for Fredrica when Chaika asked.

A few minutes later, Fredrica walked back into the establishment, adjusting her hair and clothes. She smiled widely in satisfaction at the two other ladies as she sat next to Chaika, much to her genuine shock.

"Fredrica, not sick?"

The blonde waved a hand superiorly. "Of course not! A pathetic drug like that wouldn't work on me." She grasped the tanker Akari slid towards her, drinking from it eagerly. "That was refreshing. It's been a while since I've killed anyone!"

Chaika blanched at that, while Akari asked her to keep her voice down, eyes surverying the crowd.

"Killing, bad!" Chaika whispered at Fredrica, her tone and expression horrified.

"Says the coffin princess," Fredrica responded with a smirk, sloshing her drink around playfully. "Relax, this is a girl's night out."

"Night… out?" Chaika asked, wide eyes blinking at the term.

"Quite," Akari agreed, sipping from her glass of water.

Chaika shook herself from the distraction and tried to bring back the right topic. "Man, kind! Doctor!"

Akari set her drink down on the table, looking levelly at the silver haired girl. "Chaika, I've been meaning to bring this up to you, but have you ever considered that perhaps you're too kind?" Fredrica murmured in agreement, looking at Chaika expectantly.

Chaika shook her head so quickly her butterfly hairpins nearly flew off. "Never too kind!"

Akari looked at her with a thoughtful expression. "It's a good sentiment to have. However, it makes you vulnerable. If Fredrica hadn't been a freak of nature, she would've been taken by that man and we probably never would have seen her again."

Chaika's mouth dropped open in shock as Fredrica rolled her eyes at being called a freak of nature. "Man, not doctor?"

Akari shook her head, explaining with a patience she reserved for those she served. "It's important to recognize when people are being unkind so that you can protect yourself, and to become a more socially well-rounded person." Akari placed her hand on her chest, her face completely serious. "Like me."

Even Chaika looked at her dubiously. "Do not understand."

Akari's eyes peered around them, setting on someone just over Chaika's head. "Don't look now, but there is a man that has been watching me since we've come in."

Chaika immediately looked around her.

Fredrica also turned to look. "That dirtbag? Oh yeah, I can smell his bad intentions from here. Shall we kill him?"

"That won't be necessary," Akari declined politely. "I've made eye contact. I suspect he'll come over. Chaika." The princess turned around questioningly. "You'll defend my honor."

The girl's nervousness shot up and she smiled questioningly. "Chaika defend Akari?"

"Yes. I'll place my purity in your hands," Akari said with all the certainty that her purity was at stake.

Chaika's nervous smile twitched, still rather confused by what was happening. Then she squeaked when the man Akari indicated started moving towards them.

"Normally I'd use my brother for this sort of roll, but he isn't here, and I want you to learn something."

"L-Learn?" Chaika repeated, even more out of sorts. Was learning something taught by Akari really the best of ideas?

"Oh, this should be interesting," Fredrica said to herself as she leaned back in her seat.

A tall older man with a thick beard and a beer gut finally reached the table, wearing a smile. "Ladies," he rumbled, dark eyes landing on Akari specifically. The young woman maintained a stoic look as she sipped at her cup. "I was wondering if you would give me your name-"

Akari put her cup down with finality. "I am already sexually satisfied, thank you."

The overly forthcoming statement made the man verbally fumble. "Er…"

"By _her_." Akari pointed at Chaika as if she were identifying a criminal in a line up. Chaika flinched in her seat, eyes wide and blinking rapidly. Fredrica snorted into her drink trying to hold in her laughter.

Akari calmly asked, "Isn't that right, honey bunch?" Her eyes looked at the younger girl expectantly, as did the flabbergasted man.

Chaika's hands gripped the sides of her face in a panic. "More lost memories?!" Chaika murmured to herself, the certainty with which Akari acted casting even more doubt on her already jumbled past. Fredrica lightly tapping her shoulder brought her back to the present situation, though by the way she was trying to shrink into the seat, the present situation was the last place she wanted to be.

By now that man had recovered, scoffing as he got a good look at the small frightful looking girl. "Her? Yeah, right!" He turned his head back and laughed, an ugly rough sound. "Why don't I show you what a _real man_ is capable-"

"I also happen to be a weak and defenseless female," Akari cut in with a voice that anything but weak and frail. She seemed to be getting into the act, adding dramatic hand gestures for good measure. She often approached roles with the believability of a stage actress reading grand lines. "It would be _most easy_ to whisk me away should my lover not defend me." She fixed Chaika with an imitated sad look. "Do you deny me, darling? Does what we have mean nothing to you?"

While Fredrica held in the urge to grin wildly in amusement, Chaika was thoroughly absorbed in Akari's act. "Akari, important!" she said, pushing aside her own nerves.

"Alas," Akari heaved an overly prolonged sigh. "Is it enough?"

The befuddled man became even more befuddled when Akari stood up and jumped at him, forcing him to catch her in his arms. "Is your love strong enough to keep me from being carried away against my will by this questionable gentleman, who will probably commit various unsavory acts to my pure yet ample body?"

They were drawing some attention from around the bar, but they hadn't really noticed. Chaika stood up, palms pressed on the table, violet eyes passionate. "Love, strong!"

"How strong?"

"Strong!"

"_How strong?"_

"Chaika strong!"

"Then help me, I'm helpless." Akari looked at the man holding her with an air of expectation. "Will you not commit unsavory acts to my impressive body?"

Though flabberghasted, the man managed an affirmative nod while shrugging in a 'what can I say' way. Akari looked satisfied that she knew men so well, based on her brother.

"You, stop!" Chaika smacked her dainty fists against the table, face fired up to protect someone important to her. "Akari, mine! Sexually satisfied, she is!"

This time Fredrica could not hold back a chortle while the man eyed Chaika dubiously.

"I seriously doubt it, little lady."

Chiaka grit her teeth and pushed her way past Fredrica out of the booth. She stood in front of him, doubled in size, but looking up angrily. "My woman, put down, right now!" she demanded in her best 'lost daughter of a lost empire' voice.

Looking increasingly pissed that he was being treated like this, the guy stood up taller and glowered down at Chaika. "What are you going to do about it, shrimp?"

"I… um… I," Chaika's mouth pulled down at the corners and her brows furrowed as she grew uncertain.

Akari pressed the back of her hand to her forehead and slackened in his arms. "The world is spinning and I am going faint from fright, my love!"

Chaika's eyes widened before narrowing, the cry for her help managing to bolster her confidence and protective instinct. She stepped closer to the man and pressed her pointer finger to his stomach, which was as high as she could reach. "You… You!"

The man finally seemed to get fed up, and with prize in hand he pushed past Chaika and started stalking away, Akari still in his arms.

Chaika gawked for a moment, the pride and indigence she usually held back bubbling up within her before the slight young girl seemed to snap.

Toru made his way back to the bar with a weary expression. He made his mission curt and tried to return as soon as possible. While he trusted his sister with Chaika's life, he didn't exactly trust her when it came to being a good influence on the impressionable girl. At least the place wasn't on fire and there wasn't a pile of bodies outside with a huge dragoon standing over the fleeing public. He sighed at his own cynical thoughts. Though it helped to be prepared for every worst case scenario, he was tired of always operating on the worst possible outcome. He hadn't been gone long, he could trust them to behave themselves for a while, right?

Right?

When he entered the establishment, two things immediately snagged his attention. One was a cheering and jeering crowd that seemed to form around the dining area, the other was the voice that seemed to be at the center of the attention.

"You, _mother**fucker**!_" a familiar accented voice said in an unfamiliar tone filled with rage. Toru moved immediately, shoving to the center of the crowd, hands on his short swords in preparation of trouble. When he made it to the center, he had to take an extra moment to observe what the hell was happening.

Chaika was standing on a table, her pale skin red all over as she huffed out words at volumes she was unaccustomed to. All her words were being wildly slung at a man who looked three seconds away from blowing a gasket from the force of his anger. "What did you just call me, you lil' bitch!?"

"You, f-_fuck_ turtles! And family members! Your mother, ugly, like hell! Sister, too! Chaika cook you like chicken! You, dead! Tonight! Saboteur Toru, your ass, kick!" Chaika seethed, waving her finger around.

"YEAH!" Fredrica encouraged, standing on the table behind her. Akari stood next to the table with her arms crossed, nodding her head with a proud little smirk on her lips. Toru groaned.

"What the hell is going on here?" Toru asked tensely, eyeing the man for signs that he would attack. Chaika's eyes lit up upon seeing him, the cloud of wrath surrounding her a moment ago lifting in an instant.

"Toru!" Her smile glittered like the sun and Toru felt eased for a moment. But then Chaika reached into her coffin and pulled out her huge gundo, pointing it at the man. "_Kill! Kill! Kill_!"

"YEAH!" Fredrica roared, her skin seeming to tear away as she morphed into a dragoon twenty times their size. Her head crashed into the ceiling, sending pieces of it to the ground, the crowd scattering in a panic as her wings encapsulated most of the place.

"What the hell?" Toru swore under his breath, jumping to grab Chaika by the waist and lifting her to safety. The man she had been yelling at before was currently on the ground crying and pissing himself as the floor shook. Akari was running ahead of him within a moment, clearing their path by knocking people over with her great hammer.

"What the hell happened back there?" Toru yelled at his sister as they ran out of the bar onto the street.

Akari's set face showed that hint of pride once more. "Chaika defended my honor. You should be happy your sister is still pure for you!"

"Like hell I am!" Toru snapped back as he led them behind a building across the street. He looked down at the girl in his arms. "Are you alright?"

Chaika seemed to be in a daze, her hand against her forehead. "Fine… Feel good!"

"It seems you enjoyed yourself back there," Akari noted.

Chaika's eyes widened at the realization. "Shocking truth!"

"I'll make sure you get to blow off steam more often. All that kindness can't be good for you."

"Akari, grateful!"

"No!" Toru disrupted their conversation just before the bar exploded in flames.

The force of it made the saboteur siblings take cover. After a moment Fredrica's dragoon form flew over their heads, her roar sounding like triumphant cackling.

"So the place _was_ a fire hazard," Akari observed in a calm voice.

Toru rolled his eyes so hard he nearly fainted from the stress.


End file.

Chaika - The Coffin Princess/棺姫のチャイカ, Humor