South of Nowhere 1. Chapter 1

Her Dark Soul

When I first met her I thought the world of her, her kindness was overwhelming. I was at a point in my life where I needed someone to just accept me for who I was. I just figured out that I was bisexual. I didn't have anywhere to return to. But she was the one who I confided in. we have been friends for quite sometime. She made me feel at ease with what I am about to tell her.

"So you I want to tell you something but you cant freak out okay." I tell her.

""Off course you know you can trust me no matter what." She says. Well I did. I never knew it would come and bite me in the ass months later.

"Are you going to tell me already." I could read that she cant wait to hear, but why am I afraid to let this out. Just tell her at least one person would know.

I finally got the courage and started to type.

"Well I think I like girls."

"How do you know this."

"Becos I met this girl and she does al the right things to me.

I hope you wont think badly of me now. I am really scared, it's all new."

"Do you think we should take a test."

"What you mean."

"Try it out with me. If I should kiss you would you."

"I cant with you."

"Why not?"

"Cos its you. You a friend. Its weird."

"Now okay. But still I think you may be bi."

"Yea I think I am too."

"See that wasn't so scary now was it. Telling me. I am actually glad you told me."

"You are. How so."

Somewhere in this time I felt that I just bargain with the devil.

"Ash, I dint want to tell you at first but I am bi."  
"Shit really like how you mean."

"Like I like girls too. Ash there is something else."

"Which is."

"I have feelings for, I dint want to tell you at first cause I dint know you were bi too, but seeing as you are what is stopping us to be together."

"Are you insane. I don't like you in that way."

"Why not. Am I not good enough for you."

"Its not that, there is someone else. Someone I genuinely care about."

"So just becos of this someone you now think she is the one. I could love you like she cant. I will treat you like a goddess. You beautiful."

It didn't stop at that. It wasn't the end of her confession.

She started telling me all about her life, she said that she waited this long to tell me about her past cause she didn't want to trust me, that she thought I will think less of her as a person.

Her name was Carmen, long dark hair with grey eyes. I wish I never got into her hooks. She was a woman with venom. I was the soft-spoken girl she knew was vulnerable at the time. My confusion of who I want to be and whom I want to spend my time with.

I thought life would be much better. The way I was before these girls entered my life.

I must've been blinded by her beauty, but deep down it wasn't anything to do with her beauty, she made me believe in a soppy story she probably told a bunch of other girls.

But it's the part where I found out she was married and the person I came to trust wasn't the person who stood in front of me.

She worked her way in my life sending me notes and emails off how much she loves me and how we going raise her baby together, how she can make me the centre of her life. The fact that I knew she was unstable in the first place. She told me numerous times to break up with my girl friend. At a point she got me so wrapped in her that it was only her I wanted. But I didn't get the courage to end it with my girl friend; instead I told Spencer that she has been harassing me with emails and phone calls.

Spencer felt hurt and betrayed but I could understand. I have hurt the woman I proclaim I was in love with.

For months I tried to block Carmen out my life but the more I try to stop her from getting close, she threatens me with her life. Telling me that if she doesn't have me her life is basically over. That I belong to her and her alone.

To be continued

Part 2 will follow


	2. Chapter 2

Her Dark Soul

Part 2

_Things have changed so much, you have changed. Where are you leaving me and going for couple of days. You taking a break from me. I feel like I am losing you. I need time, if you have left me forever. I mean I am in a marriage because of my son. I am going to miss you can I contact you while you away. The thought of losing you is killing me. Not sure I can handle it. Am not sure about you though, you seem to want to get away from me. I feel so depressed with the situation between us. It took me some time to hide the pain, but not having you with me that would kill me._

It was the first letter I received that went straight to the delete button. It wasn't long when I received another one.

_Did you forget about me are something? I need to have you; I won't be satisfied until I do._

_Any way, why haven't you answered my questions about Spencer? You hide things from me._

_I want you Ashley. I want to make you mine. Just mine._

_I have never wanted anyone so much, like the way I want you._

Later on the letters got stuck on my work pc as I haven't deleted them. Without thinking I never actually replied to her letters. There was one letter that I had to send because things were taking a toll on my personal life as, Spencer start to question my trust. The fact that she could think I would ever be able to date Carmen. In Carmen's mind I was her girl friend that we had this relationship she keeps talking about. But in this whole period I was planning my exit completely from her.

But it's not as easy as I thought. Carmen has believed so many things to be true that she would take the fact that I was only her friend who were the shoulder she cried on when she needed. Her supposedly friend Madison was in her mind fake but also whenever I had any contact with Madison. Carmen would rip a fit in front of all telling me I am not suppose to interact with anyone but her. But at the end of her work day she goes back to a husband. What did I know if she wasn't telling me lies about the fact he abused her? That her family ruined her life. Her soft voice were mostly what sinked me into believing that this woman really needs my help.

She told me on numerous accounts that she will take her own life.

Its things like that, that got me worried off how much crazier she can get when you push her to the limit.

_I need to learn how to control my anger or I'll either hurt myself or someone else._

It didn't stop there either.

It was near the end of November when she disappeared. It my mind I was happy that she was no longer an issue in my life. The minute she would be in contact with me it's like every ugly emotion would come out of me as I would take out the things she would tell me on my girl friend and friends. People start to see the change in me. I was going miserable not knowing if I should just let her be. But in my mind it felt like through all this I had grown fond of her. Her wackiness, her insults. It was like I have become a different person. I didn't know who I was at this time because I had a girl friend and then there was this girl who didn't want to let me go. She told me constantly that I am hers. That she don't want to share me. I felt more like a rag doll. As the hold she had on me I could see what she was doing to my life in this time. I confused the feelings that had grown for her as feelings when it ended up as it was only sympathy. The fact that she could do things no one else would ever dare to do. But I was just the stupidest person to have ever gotten in her life.

A couple a weeks later I send her a reply very short exactly what I wanted her to do.

_Let's leave it at that._

That was the biggest mistake I have made to send her that. Its what I got back that made my mind up she is obsessed with the thought of having me in her life.

_I thought that you were different from the others but maybe you're the same. I hope I meet a damn accident and die, then whoever hurt me can feel some pain or maybe nobody will be hurt, I don't mean anything to anyone._

_Why don't you forget about me then?_

No matter what I tried it didn't work I got back into her life, helping her with the anger she had towards life. The fact that I would be responsible for this girl who has basically put her heart in the palm of my hands and all I kept doing was trying to figure things out so that everyone gets a happy ending. There was no happiness in my life at that stage when all I keep doing is hurting my girl friend in the process. Maybe this is my way of asking forgiveness to her. To let her know that no matter what happened in the time Carmen was a factor in our lives. I was the one who brought this woman in our life. I thought she was sane when I met her. But it turns out all she was missing out in her life was LOVE. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to make her believe I loved her but I was just afraid she might either hurt herself and her child would be missing a mother or the fact that she would come after me. There were times I felt like my life was going downwards. I was drowning with so many baggage just by this one person.

Her split personality was something to be very careful about. At least I had the screen between us. Who knows what her family must be feeling when she is in front of them.

_Yesterday I got upset when you chat to those idiots. I get jealous when you chat to other people, especially Madison. Don't even ask, any way it's your life._

_I got to accept it. I don't think that you think of me, the way I do. This feeling I have for you, is so indescribable. Maybe you better off with her, but you won't find a person like me. _

It was on going. It wasn't something I could just finally accept that this woman has basically built a life around mine. Her hatred towards Spencer wasn't something I slide. The minute my girl friends name came about I was quick to intervene. But the thing with Carmen, it wasn't about me loving her. It was the other way around you don't push someone more down in there time of need. That isn't the way I was raised.

But yet her constant threats on my life and my girl friends haven't changed. It was times like that when I went on my knees praying that she gets help and that the curse she bestow upon my life be taken away. I was more scared now then ever before.

_I tend to be possessive with people I am close too. But I'll stop, I don't want to barge in your life and tell you A to Z. thanks for making that clear with me. I'll keep my distance when it comes to you and your life. I felt jealous, WHY? It's obvious my feelings are there. I will keep my distance from you so I get less attached to you._

_Bye_

Do you guys think it ended there no way?

Stay tuned for what's to come next.

Part 3 will follow

And hopefully the last of her.

Thank you Z Guy for that very formative review/slash tips you gave me.

I appreciate it a lot.


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South of Nowhere, Angst, Romance