Holby City 1. Chapter 1

_This is just an opener so it may seem a little slow, but things do pick up soon. Promise._

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><p>People don't get by having, as so many people call it, no fear. Everyone has fear in them. The difference is how people deal with it. Some people confront it. Some deny and bury it. Some run from it. Some don't even have the rationality to acknowledge it, and that's if they recognise it for what it is in the first place.<p>

It's only when she turns around and looks over her shoulder, seeing only the sea of people in the train station, that Shayna Roberts realises that she is the type who run, because facing fear is too terrifying a prospect. Fear itself is the biggest fear a person can have. That is why she runs. That is why she runs with her massive blue rucksack slung over her shoulder, her daughter's wrist in one hand, her train tickets and mobile phone in the other.

At thirty-two years old, she should know better. She should know who she can and cannot trust. She should know that everyone, in the end, fails. But she is unable to banish the childlike dream that the world is not so awful a place. She has alienated everyone to retain something from which she now runs; it's a sick irony that the one place she has left to go is to the person who first let her down. The person she had spent months tracking down, only to find out by complete chance from a drunk in the bar where she had to go seven months ago. It had taken her that long to plan her way out.

It is brilliantly twisted that it is so perfect an opportunity to run today – a burst pipe at her daughter's school, a flat waiting for her to move in, set up months ago when she had first spoken to the drunk man who spilled the secret to her, a job waiting for her, her daughter enrolled into the primary school and someone who owes her and, if they turn out to be a decent human being, will care about what happens to her. She can almost taste freedom as she puts her daughter's ticket in the reader and ushers the little brunette through the gates.

She quickly follows and glances at the departures board. The train is due to leave in three minutes. They've made it by the skin of their teeth, and she is beginning to notice that this is becoming quite a habit of hers.

The train is almost full of people heading home on a Friday evening, chatting away and looking forward to their weekends and respite. It's all she can do to find the last empty table on the carriage and put her bag on the overhead compartment. Her head in her hands when she finally sits down, she stares out the window at her last glimpse of London, hoping it may be forever. She turns around and looks right through the carriage; she won't be free or relieved until this train leaves the station and she is on her own with her daughter.

As she looks at her child she understands she cannot mess her final chance up. She cannot not allow her heart to rule her head, or her fear to warp her mind. She will always be somewhat afraid. She is coming to accept that.

The pale white scars on the backs of her hands remind her of why she runs – if not to protect herself then to prevent her daughter spending her childhood watching her mother break apart.

The train pulls away from the station, the sound unmistakable as it gathers velocity in its journey. She looks around again and sees only people she doesn't know. The notion of freedom loosens the ropes tied around her chest as she takes the hair tie from her wrist and pulls her thick brown hair back into a loose and careless knot just so it's away from her face. She reaches out and touches her daughter's nose, making the girl giggle and herself smile lightly. This was her breaking away from her own mess in an effort to build a safe future.

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><p>It's a dark Monday morning when Ric Griffin steps out of his car. He can see his breath as water in the air, reminding him that summer is still a long way off. Whatever possessed Guy Self to assign him to work with Serena Campbell today, he is grateful for it. He hasn't woken with much patience, and a day of paperwork and routine theatre with her is far more appealing than putting right the madness of the wards themselves. For her he has more patience than he has for many others; she may be frustrating at times but she knows him well enough by now to leave him be when she sees his patience tested.<p>

With an internal groan, he begins the trek up to Keller. It's just after seven in the morning and he is not in the humour for conversation. It's far too early in the day for that. What he needs is coffee before the routine meeting at eight o'clock, called by Guy Self. Why he times it as such is both an annoyance and a mystery to him.

In front of him a woman with her long brown hair in a high ponytail drops her phone while looking for something in her bag; she seems not to notice and begins to wander away once she has pulled her lip balm from her bag and dabbed some onto her lips. Out of sheer politeness, he bends down and picks it up. "Excuse me!" he calls to her. She turns around and glares at him, obviously in a hurry. "You dropped this."

She huffs slightly and replies with a slight smile, "Thank you." He cannot help but notice when she reaches out to take the phone that her hand is scarred, having clearly been burned somewhere along the line. "Hey, you wouldn't happen to know where Keller Ward is, would you?" she asks. She's not from around here, quickly made obvious by her accent. She sounds like she's spent her life around London and Surrey, not here in the south-west.

"I can take you up," he answers, guiding her forward with his hand just behind her back. Though it's too early in the morning, he decides she seems nervous and he breaks their silence when they reach the lift. "Are you a patient or a relative?" he asks her.

"Neither," she says. She says nothing more. It leaves him wondering who she is. Of course, it is none of his business, but her lack of an answer intrigues him.

They step out of the lift and he says, "Welcome to Keller."

"Thank you," she smiles. Her phone makes a twinkling sound and she immediately swipes her thumb across it while she walks away. Slightly bewildered, he enters his office and sets his belongings down in their usual places. It won't be long before Serena Campbell arrives, bringing with her some sarcasm and a not-a-morning-person vibe until nine o'clock, by which time she has usually brightened up.

Serena is someone he finds difficult not to like. Even when she riles him – and when she riles him, she does it properly – she is charming. In the first few days, weeks and months working with her, he had never known how to take her, but he has seen her flaws and they are not what he first thought they were. They are not her drive or her ambition or her sharp tongue. Her greatest flaw was uncovered over Christmas and New Year. She holds a fear of her own weaknesses.

Tired and already hungry, having skipped breakfast, he sighs and gets to his feet to go to the cafeteria for coffee and food. He passes the woman again as she speaks to Zosia March, who looks like she is giving directions to somewhere.

He doesn't give it a second thought as he stands in the queue for the coffee stand. In fact, he only realises that he is staring into space when a click of slender fingers brings him back to Earth. "I'll just jump in the line with you," smirks Serena Campbell. She is wrapped in a long coat, a scarf and her hat, that furry thing that softened her face and made her seem less frightening to the common passer-by.

"Will you really?" he retorts quickly. She raises an eyebrow at him and he takes a half a step to the side to allow her in the queue beside him. He smells coconut and decides she must have washed her hair this morning, the scent strong enough that it is not completely disguised by the hat that could probably deflect gamma rays.

Their silence isn't uncomfortable. It's a companionable silence, one they share almost every day. But she chooses to break it anyway. "Good weekend?" she asks of him.

He had done very little over the weekend but clean his house up a bit, watch television, read and catch up on some paperwork. Hardly thrilling but he replies, "Yes. Yours?"

"Yes, yes, it was fine," she smiles. It's a lie and they both know it, but he was wary of broaching the subject in public. A few minutes later they are heading back to Keller, their coffees in their hands while he carries both their pastries so she can carry her own bag.

Colette Sheward approaches them with the woman he had seen earlier. She was now in blue scrubs and he smirked to himself. Why couldn't she just come out and say what she was doing here in the first place? "Meet Shayna Roberts, your new nurse," says Colette.

Shayna holds out her hand and he shakes it warmly. "Ric Griffin," he introduces himself.

"Serena Campbell," Serena adds, again shaking Shayna's hand. Shayna's dark eyes linger on Serena's face and he watches the younger woman go over each and every one of Serena's facial features before smiling and turning to follow Colette away.

He follows Serena into the office and watches her go through her methodical morning routine until she is sitting in her chair picking at her food and sipping her coffee; in itself that isn't like her. Usually she has, like him, skipped breakfast and is positively starving by the time she gets her hands on food. It doesn't normally last longer than a couple of minutes but she has sat here peeling bits off her Danish for at least ten by now.

"Out with it," he sighs.

"Out with what?"

"What's bothering you?"

She looks up at him and he can tell she is worried. "I got a call from Edward," she admitted. "He left a message." He waits patiently for her to continue in the knowledge that Edward Campbell, her ex-husband and thorn in her side, is a touchy subject after their messy second break up on Christmas Eve. "Apparently he's done something wrong with regards to me. He can't quite recall what or how long ago, but he's certain he's messed up before he even arrived here."

In all fairness, there doesn't seem to be much Edward has done right, but he does see why the admission on his part has Serena worried. If Edward can't remember how he has messed up then he's probably done so while intoxicated, which means the term 'messed up' can be applied to anything from causing someone to cry to causing someone to die.

"Unless you think you can get some sense out of him," Ric reasoned with great caution, as he always did when it came to matters involving Serena, "then you should just leave him to it. The chances are he doesn't even know what he's saying," he added.

Serena flashes him a slight smile and he looks at his watch. She does the same and stands up; she grabs her coffee and takes a hasty bite out of her Danish, and they rush up to their meeting, for which they know better than to be late.

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><p><em>Reviews and comments welcomed.<em>


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter two. I'd like to thank you all for the feedback you've left, as well._

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><p>After ten minutes of waiting on a scrub nurse who clearly is not going to appear, Serena Campbell finds herself resigned to the fact that this is the worst Monday in the history of bad Mondays. She storms out of the theatre preparation room and onto Keller Ward, ready to find her missing nurse and let rip, not at all in the humour for putting up with anyone else's tardiness. "Where the hell is my scrub nurse?" she demands of Colette as she passes to the lifts.<p>

"I have no idea," admits the woman, and Serena throws her hands in the air in despair and waits for the head of nursing to fix the problem, as is her job. She exhales sharply and, with volume disproportionate to her slender size, calls, "Right. Which of my nurses here has theatre experience?!" The younger nurses stay still and silent but a new face, Shayna Roberts, raises her hand. "Shayna, go with Ms. Campbell, please."

Shayna passes her files to the nearest nurse and approaches Serena with a smile, who turns to Colette and says, "Thank you. And please pass on my frustrations to Nurse Cassidy when you find her." Colette nods and walks away and Serena turns to Shayna. "Come on then," she smiles slightly; it isn't Shayna fault the first scrub nurse didn't appear. "So, Nurse Roberts. What brings you to the weird and wonderful land of Holby City General?" she asks.

"Change of scene," Shayna vaguely. "And just call me Shayna. 'Nurse Roberts' sounds so uptight." Serena chuckles, recalling she had said something similar to Ric on her own first day working here. Shayna takes her hair out of the ponytail and Serena watches her tie it up in a messy knot like she used to when she was younger.

When they stalk through the double doors at exactly the same pace and start scrubbing in while the patient is taken into the theatre, Serena says, "Well, I can assure you a change of scene is exactly what you'll find here."

"Why does that unnerve me somewhat?"

It's a joke but Serena fully understands what she means. This place has highs and lows and lots of madness in between. She has found, though, that once a place is found in the scheme of things, and there is a group to become a part of, things settle fairly quickly. She fell in with the likes of Ric Griffin, Antoine Malick, Michael Spence and Henrik Hanssen, though there are always disagreements along the way.

"So, Ms. Campbell," begins Shayna.

"Serena," she corrects. She figures that if Shayna insists on a first name basis then it may as well go both ways.

Shayna grins as an apron and head cap are put on for her. "Serena. How long have you been here?"

"Um, not much short of two years." She realises it doesn't feel like two years since she had first walked into Keller's grasp, only to fall out with Henrik Hanssen and end up on AAU and then be promoted to deputy CEO, never really knowing on which ward she belonged. She still flits between AAU and Keller, thankful only that she rarely has to venture up to the madhouse that is Darwin. The thought of the CT ward reminds her Jac Naylor has recently given birth to her daughter and she makes a mental note to go and see how she is.

She sighs and enters the theatre. She finds she actually quite likes Shayna far more than she had anticipated. She has a way of brightening things up without trying, and she is beautiful beyond belief; that's exactly what her Hebrew name means: beautiful. It's a name Serena will never let slip from her mind, one she says in her head every single night before she goes to sleep, but never has she said it aloud in many, many years. But she cannot link the two because this Shayna is a different person, with a different surname and a different being.

They are nearly finished the procedure when Zosia March appears at the window, her finger pressed into the button on the intercom. "What is it, Dr. March?" Serena asks, only briefly looking up to see the young doctor's face.

"Edward Campbell is on Keller. He says he needs to see you," Zosia informs her. Serena feels her heart sink as she closes her eyes and counts to five as she decides how to deal with him. She can't deny the need to speak to him despite the shot of fear it sends through her. It seems like every time she sees him she feels worse than the last time.

"Is he sober?" she asks, her eyes still shut.

She hears Zosia's disembodied voice answer her, "He's not wasted but he's obviously had a couple."

She opens her eyes and replies, "Get Ric to take him into my office and make sure you take the bottle of wine out of my middle drawer before he goes in. I'll see him when I've finished up here; just give me quarter of an hour."

"I'm perfectly capable of-" Zosia begins but Serena has to cut her off before she can finish.

"It's not you I don't trust, Dr. March," she assures her, and Zosia nods, seemingly understanding that it is for her own good that she asks that Ric deals with Edward. After what happened with Mary-Claire Carter, Serena doesn't want her ex-husband near young, beautiful women who have something to lose.

Zosia replies, "Of course, Ms. Campbell. I'll find Mr. Griffin right now."

"Thank you," Serena nods. She catches Shayna looking slightly confused in a room filled with people who knew what Edward is and what he has done, and she knows she has to explain in case someone else gives her the wrong impression. "My charming ex-husband," she says to Shayna. "As you'll probably hear one way or the other, it turned out on Christmas Eve that he's a cheating, lying, scheming alcoholic," she adds with more bitterness than is strictly necessary. It still stings to remember the events of Christmas and New Year, and how he had followed her to Cambridge.

"Ah," Shayna says. "Well, I'll know never to go near _him_," she grins. Serena cannot help but smirk, even though she dreads having to face him. Unfortunately, she doesn't have much choice if she wants to know what that bizarre voicemail means. The likelihood is that he is just drunkenly waffling but she has learned the hard way never to take Edward at face value. "Men can be a right pain in the neck."

Serena has to laugh as she remembers saying to Kathy at Ric's university reunion that 'men can be stupid at any age.' There seems to be quite a lot in common between herself and Shayna; she can see them becoming friends rather quickly. It would be quite nice to have a female friend rather than being surrounded by men. After all, there are things men just don't understand, and things that they attempt to understand but only succeed in irritating her as a consequence.

She closes up quickly but perfectly and hastily washes her hands and rips off her apron and surgical cap. It's only when she is in her office, Edward sitting on the corner of Ric's desk, that she feels her resolve waver for only a moment as she takes in his half-cut state. "Serena, darling," he begins. She shoots him an icy glare for his use of a pet name to her and he holds up his hands and continues. "I think I remember what happened."

"Go on," she drawls. She doesn't miss Ric's sceptical, almost bored, expression. He is sick of the sight of Edward already, and Serena briefly allows herself to wonder why he is less patient than usual while he watches the ex-partners talk.

"Last June, I was in a bar in London," he explains. She opens her mouth to make a comment about his drinking habits but she promptly thinks better of it. "The woman next to me was using the free Wi-Fi and she was looking for a Serena McKinnie in the online phonebook. I can't remember exactly what was said," he confesses. "But I definitely told her where you work, if not your address."

Serena feels herself grow nervous; she wonders if it's another Serena McKinnie the woman searched for or if it is actually her. "What does she look like?"

"I can't really remember. Um, tall, well-built, brown hair..."

"So you've narrowed it down to half the women in the western hemisphere. You're pathetic," she snaps at him impatiently. "You didn't think to ask for her name or why she was looking for someone who shares my maiden name? You didn't think to tell me when it happened?!" she demands. Her patience has completely abandoned her and her voice is rising quickly.

"I was-"

"Plastered," she supplies for him. "What a surprise."

"She didn't seem like she would be danger," he argues. "I wouldn't put you in danger."

Serena lets out a short, bitter laugh. "And how can you possibly be sure of that when you were most likely legless? Your daughter, Edward! You didn't even think about Ellie when you were telling some randomer where she lives!" He doesn't speak and she can see he knows he's in the wrong. Of course, he doesn't realise what he may have set into motion, but Serena convinces herself that the chances are slim to none.

Edward stands up, clearly slightly unsteady. "I'm sorry."

"Just go," she retorts. He steps towards her and she steps back so he cannot touch her and makes sure he knows where he stands. He leaves without a word and she collapses, weak at the knees, into her chair. The fact this happened last summer and she's not heard from anyone is strange in itself. She can't recall any odd visitors or phone calls, to her home or the hospital, and she has faith that Eleanor would tell her if she is approached by someone looking for her mum.

She looks up at Ric, who looks a bit bewildered by now. "Is it anything to worry about?" he asks her gently once they are alone.

She considers her answer for a few moments. It could very well be something to worry about but, equally, it could be an innocent misunderstanding. There are people she knows may eventually try and find her, and she knows that, if that day is ever to come, there is nothing she can do to stop them. She cannot take their free will from them. In all honesty, she has no idea how she would react if it ever happened, apart from with fear. Fear of the known and unknown, and of her past and her future.

Serena meets Ric's eyes and finds she can't actually lie to him right now. "I don't know," she admits. "It's a little odd, isn't it?"

"True," he reasons, diplomacy always his strength. "But there are more people in the world called Serena McKinnie than just you." She leans right back into her chair and runs her hand through hair. What's done is done – yet again, she can't undo Edward Campbell's stupidity. And it was over seven months ago. Surely if someone is looking for her, they would have found her by now. "Is there something going on?"

Serena sighs and avoids the question. "Thanks for sitting with Edward," she says. "I'd rather him be with you than Zosia."

"No problem," he smiles at her. She smiles back and they return to their comfortable silence, in which Serena contemplates every decision she has ever made, and what her life would be by now if she had decided different. But she resolves never to let herself dwell, because to dwell only hurts. It doesn't change things, so there is no point in doing it.

However, if she knew then what she knows now, she is certain she would have stuck it out and still somehow defended everyone. But what is her nature now is not what was her nature then, and life has taught her many lessons she had needed long before she learnt them – that she is stronger than she once thought.

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><p><em>Reviewscomments always welcomed._


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter three. It's coming along, I think. To all who read/review/favourite/follow; thank you._

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><p>Serena sits alone in the back corner of Albie's and watches as a troop of nurses and doctors enters the pub – Mary-Claire Carter, Harry Tressler, Jonny Maconie, Bonnie Wallis, Adele and Mo Effanga, Zosia March, Dominic Copeland, Arthur Digby...even Elliot and Ric. Is this some sort of gathering? They swarm in like animals to the watering hole, and when Shayna Roberts saunters in, Serena realises what they're doing. Compulsory end-of-first-shift drinks.<p>

She watches as Shayna laughs at something Jonny says and sits on a stool with her coat in her hands. She then turns to Ric, who looks around at Serena and starts replying to her. Ric smiles and she knows what he is going to say: something along the lines of, 'if you value your life, never cross Serena Campbell.' She smirks into her second glass of wine with another glance at a grinning Ric Griffin.

Shayna confidently strides over to Serena's secluded hideout, three inches taller than she had been two hours ago. Serena notices that she has to be about five foot ten, maybe eleven, in those heels. That puts her at a considerable five foot seven or eight. "Come and join us, Ms. Campbell," Shayna smiles; she sits down across the table and Serena can feel her face being examined by the woman. "I've only got two hours to get to know you!" she exclaims. Serena shoots her a questioning look so she elaborates, "The childminder is being paid until eight. Might as well use her."

Serena is taken aback to hear that she has a child. "You've got kids?" she asks interestedly.

"Just the one daughter," Shayna smiles.

"What's her name?" Serena asks the question expected of her.

"Serenity."

Serena's breath catches in her throat for only a moment; it is a name resoundingly close to her own with the same meaning, a fact she cannot help but point out. "Her name means the same as mine," she says quietly.

Shayna chuckles and she even looks a little sheepish when she answers back, "Yes, but with one difference: she's not nearly as calm and serene as you are. But then she's only eight so we can't expect too much, can we?" Serena grins as she takes a sip of wine, amused by the girl's words and personality. She is effortlessly endearing and easy to speak to. "Have you got any kids?"

Serena looks up again. "Yes," she says. "Eleanor."

Shayna smiles but it is very much tainted with the slightest hint of sadness. "How old is she?"

"Eighteen." Serena stares at Shayna, absorbing the beauty of her soft features; her brown eyes against fair skin puts radiance into her, and her now free falling brown hair hangs around her face, slightly wavy after being scrunched into a knot for half the day, reaches to just below her shoulders. She shifts uncomfortably and it's only then that Serena realises how long she's been gazing at Shayna. "I'm sorry," she says quickly. "It's just...you seem so familiar. I feel like I've known you half my life."

An inexplicable smile falls onto the nurse's face and she feels a hand in hers. She manages to grab her bag and glass before she is yanked away to the bar, standing between Shayna and Ric. Shayna is soon chatting to Elliot Hope about some thing or another, and Ric startles Serena when he whispers into her ear, "You seem awfully interested in the latest addition to Keller."

She turns to him, only able to reiterate what she had previously said. "I feel like I already know her." He gives her an odd look that asks her if she has finally lost the plot and she glares at him. "That sounds crazy, doesn't it?"

A wide grin breaks across Ric's face. "A little bit," he admits, and he holds his fingers up to explain how insane she sounds. But it's Ric and she can't help but smile at him for his sense of humour. "Are you sure you _don't_ know her?" he adds. It's a fair point but as Serena racks her brain for an image of this woman, she finds nothing.

"Never seen her before in my life."

"You've been known to forget people," he reminds her and she turns to give him a lighthearted and playful glare. "Imelda Cousins?" He neither backs down nor stands tall under her glare. He knows what her looks mean by now, and he will understand that this one is only teasing and she means no harm; his smirk tells her he feels no need to defend himself, whereas many people would be squirming under her stare.

But suddenly his face changes. His eyes turn from mock confrontation to genuine concern and she knows immediately that he sees she is still worrying about Edward's mistake. That's part of why she has been her since she clocked off at five; there's also the small matter of a large empty house waiting for her, and she doesn't want to spend another entire night all alone. She misses Eleanor more than she could have possibly predicted or will ever admit.

His hand reaches for hers and squeezes gently. It's not unusual for him to see more than she likes him to but she accepts that he always will see what she tries to disguise. Part of that, of course, is that he actually looks rather than dismiss. She allows him a small smile. "What if there's someone looking for me?" Serena asks quietly. She doesn't explain the fear that raises in her or who she fears it may be, and not least because she knows she would no longer be able to recognise these people on the street. He doesn't demand an explanation from her, either, for which she is grateful.

All he says is, "If you've not been approached yet then I doubt it's going to happen."

She nods once. "Edward's an idiot."

"I'll drink to that," he smiles, raising his glass against hers. Despite her worries she easily finds a smile for him before she turns to watch Shayna once more. She is a woman who is in control, and nobody doubts it as she speaks confidently to Mary-Claire Carter. Serena is drawn to Shayna. She can't even begin to understand it but she feels a tug towards Shayna Roberts.

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><p>It's half-past seven when Shayna eventually says, "I'd better get home and relieve the childminder." She receives smiles and farewells and accepts all of them but she deliberately turns to Serena Campbell. The surgeon gives her a tipsy smile and it's abundantly obvious she has perhaps had one or three too many drinks. Ric Griffin sits behind her as if he is ready to catch her when she inevitably trips. They are tuned in to each other; it wouldn't surprise her if they had some kind of telepathic link.<p>

But it feels odd to be in Serena's presence and even more bizarre to be so comfortable there. She is under no illusions. But still she has found she enjoys Serena's company, and she sees the good in the woman and all the sacrifices she must have made over the years.

Shayna smiles to herself and pulls a surprised Serena into a hug. "It's nice to be working with you," she says. It sounds like a normal thing to say to such an esteemed and respected surgeon, at least. She breathes in and smells wine and sweet perfume, and she closes her eyes for a fraction of a moment to inhale it for the first time. For some reason, it's massively important to her.

She feels Serena's arms tighten around her back and smiles. She pulls away and keeps Serena steady at the same time. "What was that for?" she asks. Shayna just smirks and shrugs her shoulders before walking away. The cool air hits her and it's a bit of a relief after the stuffy warmth of the pub. She had been invited for a drink and had taken the opportunity to find out more about where she works and who she works with. And Serena. She wants to know all she can about Serena.

As she stands at the bus stop and pulls out her phone, she feels a bit like a woman on a mission. She's got limited time. It won't be long before he catches up with her; she can run all she wants but she knows he'll find her in the end. But she had ruined her chances before moving here. Back home, she had pushed the world out until there had been nobody left to help her when they were proved right. She gets it now. There are some people who have no good in them, and she had managed to imprison herself for over a decade with one of those people. Blind to what was going on, too naïve to see it, she had dropped anyone who dared tell her she was wrong.

The bus arrives and she steps on and pays the fare. It's been a long first day but she has achieved something, at least. It feels good to be free, however temporarily that may be, and to be able to be just Shayna. No terrifying thought that she may not be out of work to pick Serenity up from school, or that the house will be trashed when she gets home.

She knows this plan of hers can backfire. She knows she may very well be wrong here, but she can think of no other plan. It's the only bridge she hasn't destroyed.

When she steps into her new flat, sweetly fragrant with the smell of chocolate and bubble bath, she sighs a huff of relief, satisfied that today has actually gone without a hitch. She finds her eight-year-old on the sofa in her pyjamas with a cup of hot chocolate, almost completely ready for her bed. She dismisses the childminder with a smile and sits down next to Serenity. "Did you enjoy your first day?" she asks her daughter.

"Yeah!" she replies; Shayna beams at her enthusiasm, waiting to hear it all. "We had art today." There is nothing Serenity loves more than art; over the weekend she had gone out and bought many packets of felt pens and coloured pencils and craft paper to keep Serenity quiet about the lack of creativity.

Shayna looks at the clock and says, "That's quarter past eight, baby. Time to brush your teeth and go to bed, I think." Serenity drains the last of her cup and gives it to Shayna, going through to the bathroom. She heard the running of the tap from the living room and she's suddenly exhausted. The past fourteen hours have caught up with her. Shayna returns and announces that she's brushed her teeth and Shayna checks, just like she does every single night.

She would love to spend more time with Serenity but for now she has to take what she's given in terms of work hours. In time, when the storm has passed, she will be able to be more free with the time she has with her daughter. She leads Serenity into her bedroom; some of her belongings are still in boxes but not nearly as many as her own. Her first priority is getting Serenity settled, and then she can think about herself. Her daughter comes first. Always. That's why they are here, after all.

Serenity takes off her slippers and crawls under her duvet. Shayna smiles as her tired little head falls onto the pillow and she pushes the mass of brown hair out of her face to see her green eyes, sparkling with weariness and probably confusion. She can't imagine what it must feel like to be so suddenly uprooted at the age of eight, but Serenity seems to take it in her stride. She somehow always adapts, a skill Shayna has no idea from whom she gets.

"Goodnight, sweetheart," she smiles. She plants a kiss onto Serenity's head and gets up. At the door, before she turns out the light, she adds, "I love you."

As she presses the light switch down, she hears a reply of, "I love you too, Mummy."

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><p><em>Comments and reviews are always welcome.<em>


	4. Chapter 4

_Again, thank you to all who read this thing!_

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><p>It is with a monumental hangover that Serena skulks into work on Tuesday morning. She can't really find an excuse for getting so drunk on a Monday, but she's very glad for Ric's presence. She remembers he had taken her home and made sure she was safely in bed before he had left her to it. Always the gentleman to her, he gives her a look as she walks into the office that she can only describe as a cross between amusement and worry.<p>

"Headache?" he asks her teasingly, returning to his laptop screen.

"From hell," she confirms. She pulls off her scarf, hat and coat and turns to him. "Thank you for taking me home last night," she adds.

He chuckled lightly and replied, "I would have been surprised if you even remembered where your car was, never mind how to drive it. That was some state you were in." Was she really _that_ bad? Is that why he seems to be worried for her? He looks up and scans her face. "Are you sure you're alright? What you did last night isn't what you did in Cambridge."

"And how do you differentiate between the two?" she challenges him with a raised eyebrow. He looks reluctant to answer and she realises it must have been her demeanour. She can easily recall her fear from last night. To be perfectly honest, Edward's actions have put the fear of God into her. She can't imagine backtracking to her failings and surviving it. And she definitely can't see either of the two of them actively searching for her. One is a person she never got to know and one is a person she wishes she had never known, but both she loves with all her heart.

The realisation Ric hasn't answered her query breaks her line of thought, and she sees something in his eyes and brings home just how much he really does care about her. He wouldn't have taken her home last night if he didn't, and he wouldn't be looking at her as he does now. He would not look with such intent at her, trying to get past her protective measures.

They fall silent again until Serena remembers that she told herself she is going to see Jac and her baby. She knows Jac doesn't have very many people in support of her, and even less women; she has the same habit as Serena to surround herself by men. Maybe it just comes with the territory of being a surgeon so experienced, as it always seems she ends up working with more men than women.

As she gets up, Ric finally speaks. "What was it you were waffling about Shayna Roberts?" Serena looks at the floor shamefacedly, knowing she must have sounded a little bit silly yesterday. But she stands by what she had said. Shayna is familiar to her; in some ways it's a little like looking in a mirror and knocking off a good fifteen years. The thought has crossed her mind. Of course it has – she would be remiss if it hadn't.

She just can't see how or why she would be sought out. After thirty-two years, she sees no reason.

"I don't know," Serena admits, though grudgingly so. "It's like I've known her for years."

Ric sighs. "Serena, is there something you want to tell me?" he asks her gently. It's a genuine offer to unburden herself, the best she has ever had, but she can't bring herself to do it. She knows that, after all the mistakes he has made he would not judge her too harshly. But what she can't bring herself to do is speak about it. In all these years, she has managed to never speak of it. Her parents quickly learned she doesn't want it spoken of ever again. It's too painful.

She shakes her head, only realising now that she is frozen in front of his desk. "No."

"Alright," he replies slowly. "Let me rephrase the question. Is there anything you _need_ to tell me?" She feels his stare sinking into her, crawling beneath her skin. She wonders for a moment how easy it would be to just tell him everything. In her heart, she knows coincidences like this just don't happen. "You know, she does look like you. The resemblance is almost frightening." She shifts her weight and looks away. If she sees it then everyone else must see it too.

Ric gets out of his chair and it isn't long before he is stood right in front of her. She looks away from him because she's aware that he can see it's bothering her. Her imagination starts running wild...she lets herself envisage it and she doesn't know if it would go one way or if it would go the other. She hopes and fears simultaneously, something that, until today, she has never thought possible. There is nothing she would not give for a second chance, even if she doesn't deserve it. But, unfortunately, fairytales are for children to fall asleep to.

When she looks back around at him, lifting her gaze from the floor, she finds he is closer than she had anticipated. "You look tired," he comments.

"Hungover, remember?" she smirks. He reaches out for her shoulder and she knows he is trying to help her open up to him. But nothing will make her open up. "I'm going to see Jac, OK? Page me if you need me." He doesn't want to let her go. That much can be seen with no effort whatsoever on her part but she doesn't give him a choice. She turns away and his hand slides down her arm, their hands linked for a brief period before she leaves.

It's first thing and she would bet anything that Jac is already with her baby, so she makes her way to NICU. Being deputy CEO, she knows the code and quietly enters. She finds Jac holding her daughter in her arms with a soft smile and pulls up a chair next to her. Jac looks at her for a second or two and asks, "Rough night?" with a smirk.

Serena sighs out her reply. "I'm an old woman now. I can't handle alcohol like I used to," she jokes.

Jac grins and returns her stare to Emma. "Old!" she snorts quietly to her baby. "Serena's not old, is she?" It makes Serena laugh, even if it's only because this is something she has never pictured Jac as being: a loving mother.

"So this is Emma," Serena smiles. Jac looks up and there's no missing the love in her eyes for her child. For Emma.

Serena's surprised when Jac says, "Do you want to hold her?" She had expected Jac to be fiercely protective of Emma, and she doesn't doubt Jac is the most protective of mothers, but she had been expecting to be perceived as a threat like she usually is. Serena smiles and Jac carefully passes the tiny little girl into her arms. Emma stirs in protest of being disturbed and Serena has to laugh slightly. Perhaps she is going to be like her mother – vocal.

"How are you finding motherhood?" Serena asks gently. She glances up to see an uncertain expression on Jac's face. "I know what you mean," she assures her, knowing that look all too well. She has seen it in her own reflection before, so she knows how Jac must be feeling. "It takes some adjusting." Jac's face is tainted when she takes Emma back, cradling her gently. "I always find myself referring back to the way my mum raised me. It helps."

Jac lets out a bitter laugh. "Well, if I emulate my mother's version of parenting, I dread to think what she'll become." Serena smiles sadly at Jac, waiting for an explanation. It comes eventually when, after about a minute's silence, the red haired consultant says, "My mother abandoned me when I was twelve. I don't want to do that to Emma."

"You won't," Serena reassures her immediately. If there's one thing that's obvious, it's that Jac loves her daughter, even if she hasn't quite worked out how best to show it. But these things take time, especially for women like herself and like Jac, who possess barricades to keep emotion locked in and absorbs the hardest of knocks. "The only time a mother should leave her child is if it's what's best for them," she asserts. "If staying would put them in danger..."

She expects Jac to argue but she doesn't. Instead, she seems to cautiously agree. "It would take a lot of strength to do that." She is knocked off balance by the answer; she's unable to say anything because she never expected Jac would see the difference. "Any mother who genuinely gives up her child for their own protection obviously loves them more than anything. It would be like having my heart ripped out of my chest, but if I was left with no option, I would do it for Emma," she admits.

Serena lets a slight smile form on her lips. "Emma is extraordinarily lucky to have you for a mum." She remembers her own daughter as a newborn, though she had no complications, and remembers how fragile she had felt in her arms, and the love she holds for her.

Jac seems pleased and reassured by her words, and Serena decides to leave her to it; if she needs help, she sees now that Jac may actually get it. "I don't mind if you stay," Jac says.

"Thank you, but I have to get back to work." She reaches over and touches Emma's nose gently. Again she squirms a little bit, making Serena smile. She's never seen such adoration in Jac's eyes before; its intensity is like nothing Serena has seen before. But Jac is an intense woman, so it makes sense that her love for her daughter would be enormously intense. She turns and walks out of the NICU with her own ideas reaffirmed.

Serena returns to Keller as a patient is being wheeled into theatre. It's Ric's patient, and Serena can see him trailing behind with a scan in his hands. He looks up and he finds her eyes, and she she cannot break their shared gaze. His look is one she doesn't like. One of care and confusion.

She knows he cares, but how can she even begin to explain the depths of the situation she finds herself in? There are no words she can find for the feeling her imagination stirs within her. She finds herself in a position where she wants to know but is terrified of finding out, and she is starting to see that there is something strange going on here. Is she just paranoid? Has Edward finally managed to do something that well and truly dislodges her logic?

As Ric passes her, she feels his fingers touch hers momentarily. She can't doubt that she can trust him. That's not her fear. Her fear is that she is forced to address the idea for real if she tells him, while now she can just daydream to herself hopes of second chances and forgiveness.

In the secrecy of her office she just stares into nothingness, trying to get her work head on before she messes something up. It torments her to wonder about these things, which is exactly why she does her utmost never to think about it. That torment doesn't stop her wondering, and it doesn't stop her loving, but it's a reminder that she made her sacrifices and her life and all its flaws.

A knock at the door makes her startle back into herself so she can call out, "Come in!"

In steps Shayna with a mug of strong coffee and a blueberry muffin. "I saw you earlier," the nurse explains, handing her the coffee and cake. "You look a bit worse for wear this morning and I thought you could use this."

"Thank you," Serena says, stunned by Shayna's kindness. "Yes, I have to admit that it's not a fun morning."

Shayna laughs sweetly and quips, "Just how much did you drink last night?"

"Oh, far too much," Serena confesses. "I'm much to old for this kind of thing," she repeats her sentiments from earlier.

Shayna's eyebrows are raised and her arms are folded across her chest. "You're only forty-eight." How does she know Serena's age? Shayna seems to realise what she has said and quickly excuses herself, leaving Serena in a bit of a daze. She sips her coffee and is surprised to find it needs nothing added to it; it's been made the way she likes it. Ric must have told Shayna what to get.

The caffeine does her some good and she is quickly able to put work into the forefront of her mind, pushing back everything she has felt in the last twenty-four hours for fear that the fear is real and warranted.

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><p><em>Reviews and comments very much welcomed!<em>


	5. Chapter 5

_Hope you're still liking this; thanks to all who read it._

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><p>Ric is out of theatre quite quickly; for once it has all gone as he planned it to go, with no problems along the way. His thoughts wander to Serena as he passes the nurses' station. If he didn't know her better, he would say she's scared out of her wits by Edward's mistake. Is there something or someone worth hiding from? Or is it just he general thought that he's told a stranger where to find her?<p>

When drink had caused her wall to collapse last night, he had seen a vulnerability in her he had never seen before. He remembers the look on her face watching Shayna leave Albie's and he can see there's something more that Serena having that feeling that she's met her before. It's not often Serena's resolve weakens, and it take some doing to achieve it.

He looks up when he hears himself being beckoned to the other side of the nurses' station by Shayna Roberts, who holds a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates. "An Edward Campbell left these for Serena," she explains. "He says it's to say sorry."

"It's going to take more than that," Ric sighs. "Why haven't you passed them on to Serena?" he asks her curiously. There's a strange protectiveness about her as she looks down at the items in her hands.

She seems torn but still she replies, "Because I wasn't sure how she'd react after what he did at Christmas."

"How do you know about that?" Ric asks suspiciously; it's only her second day and she already she knows about Serena and Edward's Christmas disaster.

"She told me in theatre yesterday," shrugs Shayna. "Said I'd know soon enough anyway." It's strange, the look in Shayna's eyes. It reminds him of when Serena talks about Adrienne, defending her to the hilt while she acknowledges that, like every other human being, they're not perfect. Her eyes themselves are a deep, dark brown, and the same shape as Serena's. "So what do I do?"

Ric thinks for a second; he knows Serena isn't in the best of moods and he doesn't want Shayna on the receiving end of her anger directed at Edward. At the same time though, it might be a good thing for Shayna to see the other side to Serena. He doesn't fully understand why but he doesn't want the nurse thinking like everyone else does about Serena; he doesn't want her thinking Serena is not the human being she is.

But the fact remains Shayna is hiding something, and so is Serena. Everyone has secrets, but Ric can't figure out if their secrets are individual or connected. They're too good at semantics and half-truths. "Come with me," he instructs her, his tone firm and commanding. He leads her into the office and nods at her when he sits down and Serena looks up.

Shayna clears her throat nervously; a confident woman is now fearful of speaking, and Ric sees why. She knows the damage an ex-lover can do. It's obvious in the way she holds Edward's gift with disdain and resignation. "Edward," she begins. Serena's eyes grow hard, angry and almost fearful at the mention of her ex-huband's name, just like they do every time. "He left these for you. I, uh...I stopped him coming in here because I could see how you reacted yesterday. And he was well out of it so I'm not sure he really knows what he's doing."

Serena huffs slightly and Ric understands immediately that she's absolutely furious with Edward for showing up here yet again. "You keep them," Serena says. It surprises Ric. He had thought she would take them and throw them in the bin to make a point. "Compensation for having to speak to him."

Shayna laughs; Ric hears the relief in it as Serena acts with dignified calm sarcasm rather than going off on a bit of a rant. "Are you sure?"

"Very."

"Well, thanks. I'll have the wine and Serenity can have the chocolates." Serena lets out a chuckle while Ric thinks for a second who Serenity is. But Shayna is forthcoming with the information, because upon realising he doesn't know, she turns around and says to him, "Serenity's my eight-year-old daughter. Hence why she's not getting the wine!"

"I'm sure Serena's daughter would rather have the wine than the chocolate," Ric retorts with a grin at Serena; she makes a mockingly sneering face at him but he knows she is joking just as he is. However, there is a look in Shayna's eyes that betrays her momentary discomfort when she hears about Serena's child.

He acknowledges that Shayna has given her daughter a name startlingly similar to Serena's. That may well just be a coincidence but it's beginning to make him uneasy now. "Oh, well, I'm hoping Serenity takes a dislike to alcohol," admits Shayna. "I don't really want to deal with a drunk version of my little girl."

"She won't always be a little girl," Serena points out. It's the first time he's ever seen her talk so openly with someone she's only known a day and a half. There are members of staff here who've never been able to hold a proper conversation with her and yet Shayna seems to manage that so effortlessly. "But she'll always be your daughter, no matter what." The way she says it leaves him in no doubt that it's a statement that is important to her; why can't she just tell him the truth for once? After all, it's not like he is in any position to judge anything she's done as a young woman. As a young man, he made mistake after mistake.

"Yes, well...let's hope so." With that Shayna walks away with a smile, leaving Ric to try and read Serena's face. She's stunned, though he's not sure why.

But there is also a fear there that he hates to see. She's not fearless – nobody is – but she's as close as a person can get to it without being deranged. He's seen her stand in situations that would sink other people he knows, and laugh when they both know she wants to cry. He's seen her strong and he's seen her weak, and sometimes at the same time. Sometimes her strength is her greatest weakness, just as it had been on New Year's Eve.

Curious as to Shayna's motives for moving here, he gets up and follows her without telling Serena; she will only try and stop him. At the nurses' station he finds Shayna logging into the computer. The area is void of anywhere else and he decides to ask, "What's made you move to Holby?"

She glances up at him. "Fancied a change."

"You don't uproot your young daughter and move from London to here because you 'fancy a change,'" Ric tells her.

"How do you know where I'm from?" she demands, her guard flying up as she gets defensive.

"Your accent." He holds her harsh stare for a good few moments, and sees she's here for a reason. She's scared and she's determined to stay strong. That's what her eyes are telling him. "Why are you here?"

She sighs and walks around. She drags him to the empty locker room and shuts the door. "You can't tell anyone," she warns him. He nods; of course he won't tell anyone. "I walked out on my husband and I'm currently hiding from him." Her answer is not what he's been expecting and he immediately regrets making her tell him. She seems to crack slightly when she adds, "It's been months and months in the planning. I just needed the right moment so he wouldn't be able to follow us. And he was out of the country and Serenity's school was shut anyway and it all fell into place on Friday. So I just up and left."

Ric takes a slight step towards her. "Is he really that bad?" She nods her head slightly; she's only young still and she's running from the man she married. "Couldn't your family have helped you?"

Shayna lets out a laugh full of cynicism and mocking. "I grew up in care. Family isn't something I have a great deal of."

Her honesty is something he admires and values; many people would not have told him this. But now he understands why she is trying to make it work here. She doesn't have much else she can do about her situation. "And what is it with you and Serena?" he asks her. At this she looks down to the floor and refuses to answer. Why is she so open about her husband but when he asks about Serena, someone he knows, cares about and is protective of, she clams up?

She stalks away and opens the door. He tries to catch her arm as she passes but she's faster than he is; she slams the door and leaves him with more questions than answers. He can't understand why neither one will say anything helpful. Granted, Serena seems afraid and definitely uncertain, but Ric can see Shayna is sure of her decisions. She knows what she's doing, and if it ends up hurting Serena, he's not going to be happy.

He makes his way back to the office, glancing at Shayna as he passes. She meets his gaze and he sees the vulnerability in her, able to see she's not as sure as she likes to pretend she is.

Once he's in the office, his first instinct is to lean against the edge of Serena's desk, right next to her, and look down on her. She immediately looks up at him, her eyes wider than normal and full of doubt and fear. "Serena," he says to her. "Whatever it is making you like this, you can tell me. I'm not Edward. I'll listen to you, hear you out."

She stands up to face him as an equal. The defensiveness in her demeanour tells him he's not going to get a lot out of her that's worth listening to, but the care he holds for her drives him to try it anyway. He expects to be threatened or pushed out, but she astounds him by saying, "You know I love you, don't you?" He smirks when she realises just what she has said and she hastily amends, "Not like _that_! But you look out for me when I need it, and it means a lot."

To hear her so open about what she feels for a person is strange, and not least because he knows she's always taken great pleasure in moaning about his slower, more cautious approach to medicine and everything else that clashes with her own drive and ambition. It's on instinct that he pulls her into an embrace; he feels her arms around his body and her face pressed into his neck. This is what she needs, he thinks. She needs someone to be there for her when she's ready to address whatever kind of mess she's in, whenever that may be, and she needs to know he'll be there.

Again, her reactions unnerve him slightly. Most of the time she would push him away for trying to hug her – even when she turned to him in the corridor as close to tears as she could have been without bawling her eyes out – but she's clinging to him today. Whatever is upsetting her, it must be serious or else she would have the energy to push him out with more force.

The difference is remarkable, and he begins to recall her drunken behaviour last night. She had giggled like...well, a drunk. But it never reached her eyes, and it had almost broken his heart to see her reduced to that. To see her struggle to get in her bed on a Monday night was something he knows should not have happened, because they both know she shouldn't have had nearly as much alcohol as she had consumed.

She releases him and he knows better than to try and get it out of her right now. She has now intentions of telling anyone, and he can see she's not even sure what she thinks herself. That in itself is a rare and perhaps concerning occurrence: Serena Campbell doesn't know what to think.

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><p><em>Comments and reviews welcome!<em>


	6. Chapter 6

_Thanks to all who are taking the time to read what I'm writing._

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><p>Shayna walks into Albie's at five o'clock to see Serena already in the back corner with paperwork and wine. Is this a normal habit of hers? She sits down across the small square table and clears her throat to get Serena's attention. She doesn't know why she keeps placing herself in the woman's presence but she finds she likes the way Serena treats her. She's used to being treated as useless and worthless and Serena treats her as anything but.<p>

"You _do_ realise you shouldn't drink on an empty stomach?" Shayna smirks at her.

Serena laughs and sarcastically retorts, "Because the one thing I need is _more_ calories and _more_ body weight." It's a comment Shayna doesn't like, especially because there's nothing wrong with Serena's appearance. In fact, she's really quite beautiful. She's built in a similar way to Shayna – tall with fairly broad shoulders. She's not skinny, but she's definitely not fat, in any sense of the term.

"Don't be ridiculous," scolds Shayna. From her bag she pulls out the box of chocolates Edward had left and opens them. "Now, I don't know about you, but I'm not a great fan eight-year-olds and sugar. I love them when they're apart but together..." she trails away. She shudders slightly and Serena laughs at her when she passes the box to her. She knows Serena is reluctant to take anything Edward gives her but she can see that she is reasoning that it's Shayna's offering, not Edward's. "Put the paperwork down for a while," she advises. It's clear that Serena's not used to getting advice, and even less used to actually taking it.

"You're very bossy," Serena comments. Nonetheless, she shuts the file over.

"So are you."

She finds speaking to Serena incredibly easy; she knows she probably shouldn't find it so easy but it's like they have never been apart. She sees Serena as an older version of herself in many ways. They both have the same sense of humour and the same ideas about who people are and how to deal with them, men in particular.

Shayna looks up to see Ric Griffin and two people she can remember as being Arthur Digby and Mary-Claire Carter strolling into the bar to meet the few people who were already there. She's surprised he has made a second trip to the pub in two days but, when he stares at Serena for a few seconds, she realises what's brought him here. He wants to know Serena is alright because, as is made clear by his expression, he feels more for her than most friends would. Shayna would even go as far as to say that what she sees in Ric's face might be love.

She looks around to see Serena staring back at him, a slight smile gracing her lips. There's an intense connection between the two in that moment, and Shayna wonders if they've ever been more than just friends. So she does the logical thing and asks Serena, "What's the deal with you and Ric Griffin? Have you two ever been more than friends?"

Serena raises an eyebrow at her. "Nosy as well as bossy." Shayna grins at her as she waits for her answer. "No."

"Do you want to be?" she asks. The look on Serena's face betrays her feelings for Ric; Shayna nudges Serena's arm across the table with her fist and beams at her. She picks up a chocolate and starts eating it; she tastes strawberry and immediately spits it into a napkin. "Maybe not."

Serena picks up the leaflet and reads it. "You don't like strawberry?"

"There's nothing worse," answers Shayna. "I've always hated it, even when I was little. I won't even drink strawberry milkshake." Serena smiles lightly though Shayna has no idea why, and she hands her a different chocolate. With caution, Shayna takes it but does not eat it in case it's another strawberry one.

"Trust me," Serena smiles at her. Shayna can't help but wince when she puts it in her mouth, and is relieved when she tastes orange and not strawberry. Her smile is dazzling and Shayna finds herself loving the woman in front of her. It's almost like they've been together for the thirty-two years of Shayna's life, and she can't bring herself to hate Serena for her decisions. It's not worth the risk of losing her. She's been through enough and she's explained it all. The courage it must have taken from her to go her separate way for Shayna's protection is astounding.

She sees the sparkle in Serena's eyes and understands that she enjoys her company as much and Shayna enjoys hers. She feels warm and comfortable here.

"Haven't you got a husband...boyfriend..." Serena pries with a tiny smile.

"Now who's nosy?" quips Shayna. She smirks when Serena does the same as she had done to her before – she waits wordlessly until she answers. With a sigh, Shayna admits, "I've just walked out on my husband. He's a bit...well, let's just say that he's not as nice a guy as he was when I married him. So I'm all on my own, apart from Serenity, of course."

Serena's obviously taken aback with her answer and she proceeds with the same line that Ric had taken earlier. "Haven't you got any family to help look after Serenity? It would save on paying childminders all the time."

Shayna looks Serena straight in the eyes. "I was brought up in care so I've not got a family, apart from Serenity and my husband." She can hear Serena's breath catch but still she continues, "My mum gave me up because she was only sixteen and my dad tried to kill us both. She decided I would be safer if I was apart from her, because she would be easier to trace than I would be if I wasn't with her, because she didn't put my dad's name on my birth certificate. She wrote me a letter and gave it to the care home for me to read when I turned sixteen."

Serena looks slightly haunted as her face drains white, but she eventually managed to open her mouth and speak. "And do you resent her for it?" she asks. Her voice is barely louder than a whisper.

"I regret that we never got to spend any time together," Shayna confesses. "But I know she did it for me, and that she loves me. I can't hate her. It must have been so hard for her to go through that and then have to give me up. I can only hope that I've inherited her strength and her selflessness. I can't imagine having to give Serenity up. Instead I've run away with her."

Serena falls silent but she gives absolutely nothing away. She's guarded, and she should have figured that much, but she also has a visible crack in that guard she uses. Shayna looks at her watch and notices the time. She should be at the bus stop by now. She hastily picks up her bag and bids Serena a good night, kissing her temple on the way past. She feels comfortable enough in her company to do so.

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><p>An hour after Shayna leaves, Serena remains at her table alone, feeling rather overwhelmed and shell shocked. She moves only to go to the bar and speaks only to order another drink, feeling Ric's eyes on her every time she does so.<p>

She doesn't understand how this has happened. The story Shayna has told her is so accurate that it terrifies her, and she finds herself faced with the prospect of her past finally catching up with her. It gives her hope, however, that she may not be universally despised. Maybe what she sees as her cowardice is seen by the world around her as a courageous sacrifice.

Deciding she's had enough to drink when her head begins to feel soft and light and her heart begins to feel heavy, she stands up and put her coat on, trying to get out before she can be seen. She knows she's failed when footsteps come up behind her and a hand stops her before she can get to her car. "You're not driving, Serena," Ric's voice informs her. She knows he's right; she's had far too much to drink to be driving. It had just been an automatic action to unlock her car.

She turns around to face him. "Yes, I know. I'll call a taxi." She doesn't want to but she knows she's too drunk to drive.

Ric searches her face and sighs, "Look, I know Zosia March isn't drinking tonight – she's been set an assessment for tomorrow afternoon. I'll get her to drive you and she can bus it back."

"Oh, no, don't get her to go to any trouble," Serena protests. "I'll be fine."

"Well, I've only had half a glass of wine. I can drive you," he asserts, swiping the keys from her. His kindness takes her by surprise but she doesn't get why. She knows he's kind to her. "Come on." She's frozen on the spot as she thinks of what Shayna said about Ric; she does want more than just a friendship with him, but she doesn't want to get hurt again. It's yet another fear of hers, that she will fall in love with another man like Edward.

It's then that the lump builds in her throat and the truth hits her like a sledgehammer over the head. It sobers her up when she sees that her fears may be realised.

"Serena, are you alright?" she hears Ric ask her. She can only look up into his dark eyes and try to swallow back her shocked tears. It's hit her. The fear has hit her. "You're worrying me now," he admits. "Come on. You can tell me."

She manages to force some feeling and movement into her legs, but as she approaches the passenger side of her car, it feels like there's nothing beneath her. Like she's walking on air, ready to fall if ever she is to halt the path of her life to change direction. Ric is soon in the driver's side and turning the engine over for a moment, rather than just fire it up in the cold.

She looks into the dark night and thinks about how she's kept all this madness quiet for a third of her life. She's found it easier than she had done at the age of sixteen, managing to just refrain of speaking of it. To her, it's been easier to keep quiet because she knows if she talks about it, it's going to hurt. There's no way that it won't after all these years of silently driving it deeper and deeper within herself.

She never felt she could tell Edward, and it just goes to show the relationship they share. She doesn't trust him not to lose the head or use it against her, and she never has been able to. She also had been trying to protect Ellie, but she is an adult in her own right now and more than old enough to understand it. She's got no excuses for her silence these days, except that she is afraid and very much alone, even when she is surrounded by people she loves.

It's only when he's concentrating on the road that she can study him carefully. He's handsome and dignified, proud and selfless, sometimes to a fault, and she finds that's what she loves about him. He's not the kind to always look out for number one as Edward is. Shayna has a point; Serena's beginning to worry she's actually fallen for Ric Griffin. She's always promised herself she won't let that happen, but it seems to have been in vain.

He stops the car and gets out, opening the passenger side door and helping her out. She feels his hand resting on her upper arm as he walks her to her front door; he hands her the house keys, on the same bunch as her car key, and she struggles in the cold and her intoxication to get it to go in properly. His hand gently guides hers until the door is unlocked. The door swings open but she does not move forward. She stares into the dark hall and another night on her own.

"Serena?" he asks her.

Still staring, she speaks a name. "Shayna Roberts."

"What about her?"

She turns and faces Ric, and his hand is soon resting on her shoulder, his expression urging her to tell him what it is that's upsetting her. "I think she might be my daughter."

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><p><em>All commentsreviews welcome._


	7. Chapter 7

_Thanks again for reading, and I hope you all like where it's going so far._

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><p>Serena finds herself sitting on her sofa in her living room, her knees tucked in and her face in her hands. She is shocked. She never thought she would see that child again. <em>Her<em> child. But everything fits and there's no denying the startling resemblance she shares with Shayna. Even Ric sees it.

She looks up when a warm cup is pressed into her hands – hot chocolate – and biscuits are paced gently on her lap. Why is Ric still here? Why hasn't he gone by now? She thinks that this is a mess he would prefer to keep out of but he sits down next to her on the sofa, ready to hear her out. She notes that Edward would be long gone by now; if it had been him she had said that to, she wouldn't see him for dust.

"You're going to have to elaborate a little bit, Serena," he prompts her. She stares at him blankly as she tries to string the chain along in her mind with little success. She knows what happened. Of course she does. But explaining it to another is a totally different story. How can she put into words the feeling of having her daughter ripped from her, and of her being the one to do it? "Why do you think Shayna may be your daughter?"

"She grew up in care," she choked out. "Her mum left her a letter explaining why, and the reason why...it's so...so..." she chokes out. She can't even begin to describe just how haunting it is to hear her own reasons relayed to her. "It's what I did," she finally manages to say. "I'm certain of it, Ric," she confesses. "I mean, knock off fifteen years and she's practically my doppelgänger." She scans Ric's face and expects disgust, but what she finds is something she's never noticed before. What she finds is that he feels something for her that isn't just friendship.

He reaches out and she feels his hand on her face; it's her need for someone to love that drives her to lean her cheek into his palm slightly. "You're not making any sense," he tells her. She's trying to make sense. She really is. But when she begins to speak, she can't say what she's thinking. It's like her thoughts are lost in translation. "If you were Shayna's mother, you would have been a teenager when you had her."

She closes her eyes and tries to clear everything else out of her head. Edward's stupidity, Eleanor's absence, her mother's failing health, her relationship with Ric...at this present moment, it's all irrelevant. All that matters is Shayna, and the fact the she, after thirty-two years, has managed to find Serena.

"I had a baby when I was sixteen," she whispers. He looks shocked and she can fully understand why. She knows she doesn't come across as someone who would allow herself to get pregnant at such a young age. "There was this boy, Alan," she begins. "And I fell head over heels for him when I was fifteen. I was young and I was stupid. I know that. But I fell pregnant with Shayna when I was sixteen and I resolved that I would be a good mum to her. I resolved that I would be a mum and not the doctor I planned to be."

The shock doesn't leave Ric's face but she sees understanding creep in to mix with it. "What went wrong?" he asks her.

"Alan..." she sighs, her voice so soft that she doubts if she can be heard. She takes a sip of her hot chocolate and let the warmth flood through her stomach. "He tried to smother Shayna in her crib when she was three months old. I caught him and stopped him and he turned on me," she recounts. She can feel for a moment his hands on her wrists and the outside air hitting her back as she struggles to remain on the right side of the second story window. She remembers she had no choice but to scream, and her dad had come and tore Alan off her.

"Why?" he asks her. "Why would he do that?"

Serena shrugs. "I didn't stick around to find out," she admits. "My dad kept him at bay while Mum and I found somewhere to move to. I realised that Shayna would be safer to be separated from me; I was easily traceable, and Alan's name wasn't on Shayna's birth certificate. So I gave her up because I knew she would be safe. I couldn't guarantee her safety if I stayed with her," she explains. Her throat is tightening with tears she fails to shed, her head pounding with the tension of having to tell him what happened. "I did it because I love her too much to put her in danger."

She can see the confusion in his eyes. "And your parents agreed to all this?"

She nods her head. "They knew the score. They knew that Alan would eventually try again and that he wouldn't be able to find Shayna is I put her in the care system with no trace of his name."

"And did he try again?"

"A year later, I was walking home from my friend's house and he cornered me," she says. "He was drunk so I was faster than him. I managed to duck him and run home. We moved again not long after, and that's the last I've ever heard of him." She feels his fingers move on her cheek, caressing her skin lightly.

She watches him process it and, to her utmost relief, he seems to accept her mistakes and their good intent. He takes the mug and the biscuits from her and places them on the table and he guides her to her feet. "If she is your daughter," he begins quietly, "then she's obviously looking for a relationship with you." He's holding something back but she's too relieved to question it; he doesn't hate her, and it's more than she could hope for.

"And how do I know she's mine?" Serena frets quietly. "I can't exactly say, 'Oh, hey, Shayna, I know we're in the middle of a busy general surgery unit but are you by any chance my long-lost daughter?' It would sound insane!"

"It's better than this," Ric points out fairly. "But you're more worried that you're right." Of course, as always, he sees through the superficial to the depths of her fears. "Oh, come here," he sighs. His arms are soon tightly wrapped around her, and she presses her face into his neck. She is surprised he's reacted this way. Surprised, but very much thankful.

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><p>Shayna finds herself on a new ward. AAU. She and Serena have been posted down there in the height of a busy spell the regular staff cannot handle alone. "This is madness," she comments to Serena. "It's like a...I don't even know what it's like." She glances around at Harry Tressler and then back to Serena. "And if Mr. Up-Himself Tressler looks at my chest again, he's going to regret ever crossing paths with me."<p>

Serena laughs and says, "That's my girl." It freezes Shayna to the spot to hear that, but she can still smile to herself. "Welcome to the insanity of AAU. Just be thankful Michael's not here to add to the fun." She looks around at Serena and their eyes lock. They both know now, even if neither can break through the fear and say it. "You're due a break, Shayna," Serena reminds her.

"Um, yeah, I'll sit down for ten minutes but I'll stick around since it's so manic." Serena smiles and walks away, patting Shayna's shoulder on the way past. With a huff, Shayna steps around Harry and sits down at the far end of the nurses' station. She pulls from her pocket her mother's letter, now creased and worn, and reads it yet again. She knows it by heart but she still reads it until she's only analysing the penmanship. There's already, even when she was sixteen, the beginnings of the dreaded doctor's handwriting, scrawled in some places. It seems to have been written in a rush but the grammar and spelling remain perfect.

She reads the words 'I love you' over again; they are used four times in this single letter, and Shayna could never doubt the words her mother uses.

She hears nearing footsteps and hastily folds the paper back into her pocket. It's Mary-Claire Carter who speaks behind her. "Everything alright, Shayna?" she asks.

"Yeah," she smiles. "Serena just made me take a little break."

"_Serena_ is watching your back?" Mary-Claire exclaims quietly. Together they gaze across the room at the consultant, who tends to the girl in bed eight, her purple shirt loose across her shoulders and back and her stance proud. "That's a new one."

"She seems nice," Shayna defends her quickly.

"Just never cross her and you'll be fine," the Irishwoman chuckles softly. "Do you want a coffee?" she offers. "I'm going anyway and you've been on the go non-stop. Just don't tell Harry. I'm not running after snobby doctors all day." The comment makes Shayna laugh as Mary-Claire walks away without another word, seemingly accepting she wants caffeine.

She watches Serena yet again, and it astounded by how quickly she gets through her patients. She's Ric's opposite in terms of the speed at which they work, but they seem to compliment each other in a very strange way. Serena approaches and gives Shayna a list of tests to run on the patient. "Watch yourself. She's got a big mouth," Serena advises caution.

So she wanders over to the fourteen-year-old girl in bed eight and rubs alcohol gel into her hands. "Alright, Carrie," she smiles at the young blonde. "I just need to take your blood."

She begins to feel for a vein but she is halted in her tracks. "Get your horrible, ugly hands off me," Carrie snarls. Shayna looks up; she's used to her hands getting strange looks and stares but it hurts to hear such venom over it, and from such a young person. It makes her stare at the backs of her own hands, scarred from beyond the wrists right up to her upper knuckles. She's always hated the scars he has left her with, but there isn't a single thing she can do about it.

"It's only skin," Shayna asserts. "I got badly burned nine years ago. That's all it is," she adds, deciding it might be best to be open with the girl.

"I want another nurse," Carrie coldly replies. "Preferably one whose hands work."

"My hands function perfectly well," Shayna finds herself arguing. It's in vain, and she knows it, but it's not something she finds easy to bow down over. "Just because they've got scars, that doesn't mean I can't do my job." But Carrie only glares at her, and Shayna suspects it's partly attention-seeking venom; despite that, she's not in the humour to put up with remarks about her scars, so she snaps, "Fine. Have it your way. You can wait until Nurse Carter comes back."

It's typical immaturity and it doesn't normally bother Shayna much, but here, where she is meant to be making a new start, she doesn't like that the scars are permanent, and they cannot be hidden like so many other things can be.

She storms away to the nurses' station and carelessly dumps the small tray on the desk before she sits down and stares at her hands for a moment. It isn't fair that she bears scars while the one who inflicted them has nothing to show for his years of abuse. "Shayna?" Mary-Claire's voice rings out five minutes later. "Everything okay?"

Serena approaches too and says, "Have you got Carrie's bloods sent to the lab yet?"

"Not yet," Shayna admits. "Mary-Claire's going to have to do it instead." Serena raises an eyebrow at her and Shayna sighs hopelessly. She raises her hands and faces the backs of them towards Serena and Mary-Claire. "She doesn't trust that my hands are capable of drawing blood." She watches expressions of outrage cross their faces and it's Serena who reacts first.

"How dare she?!" she half-shouts.

"Ser-"

"No, you're a good nurse and I won't have that sort of disrespect on my ward," argues Serena before Shayna or Mary-Claire can speak.

"Look, I get this sort of thing all the time," she reassured them. "Don't worry about it. She's just an immature little kid." But Serena turns on her heel and Shayna calls after her, "No, it's not worth the hassle." Serena doesn't listen and keeps going, and Shayna starts to panic. She doesn't want a big deal made over it. But Serena's a quarter of the way over already.

"I told you, Shayna," she replies. "I won't have it on any ward I'm running."

"Serena, it's fine," she calls out again, running after her. Serena's nearly at Carrie's bed, her walk furious as she refuses to listen to her wishes. "No, don't! _Mum_!" she shouts at the top of her voice, after failing to catch up with her as she tries to dodge through the hectic unit.

She only realises what she's done in her state of panic when Serena freezes and the busy ward is suddenly silent.

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><p><em>Reviews and comments always welcome.<em>


	8. Chapter 8

_As always, thanks to everyone taking the time to read and review._

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><p>Silently frozen in time, Serena's involuntary reaction to being called is to turn and look. She's done it for all of Ellie's life. She can't help it. When she finds Shayna, a good few feet in front of her, the younger woman's hand is covering her mouth and her dark eyes are filled with tears. Serena feels near tears herself, a confused deluge of emotions pouring over her without order or explanation.<p>

"What is this?" the distant voice of Guy Self calls. "I leave you half an hour and the place comes to a standstill."

Despite the CEO's words, Serena cannot tear her gaze away from her daughter, and it seems Shayna cannot look away from her mother. Even as people return to their work, gossiping and guessing, Serena and Shayna do not move. Then Shayna takes her hand away from her mouth, and Serena can read on her silent lips, "I'm so sorry."

Serena hears approaching footsteps and she doesn't have to looks away to know Guy is about to come and tell her off for standing uselessly in the middle of a busy ward. She feels him shake her shoulder. "Ms. Campbell," she can hear him say. "Serena!" He actually sounds worried now, and her medical mind knows he's a neurosurgeon and wouldn't like an unresponsive woman in his midst. She forces her head to mechanically turn to stare at him, still shocked. "What the hell has happened?"

Serena opens her mouth but nothing comes out. She can't move. She can't stand. She feels like she's about to collapse. Guy seems to sense this and his hand grips her arm tightly.

"Serena, are you ill?" he asks urgently. Again, when she tries to speak, she fails. "Serena?!"

Shayna steps forward and takes Serena by the arm. "Come and get a cup of tea," she suggests. Serena feels like she has failed as Guy and Shayna lead her to the consultants' office; she shouldn't be stunned. She had known this was the probability. The thoughts just keep chasing each other but they never manage to connect into something sensible. Shayna leaves Serena with Guy, something she doesn't want but can't protest to.

She sits in the chair and turns her necklace in her fingers. "Now that we're alone, _are_ there any symptoms or health worries?"

She forces out a single word, but it's hoarse and rough. "No." She shouldn't be like this; she's almost been expecting something to happen since her talk with Ric last night. It had made her realise that Shayna _has_ to be her daughter. And now she's just been called 'Mum' across the middle of AAU. And she had responded because, in her heart of hearts, she knows she is Shayna's mum, even if she hasn't really been there for her.

"Then what's going on?" he demands. "Am I going to have to go out there and ask someone?"

The thought of that terrifies Serena. For her boss to hear it all from the likes of Harry or Mary-Claire would be awful, simply because they can only explain what happened, not how or why.

She looks up at him and sees not only curiosity but also that he is more concerned than he likes her to think. "Shayna Roberts," she begins slowly. "It's a long story, and you don't need to know the gory details, but Shayna's my daughter."

"Your _daughter_?" He sounds surprised. Very surprised.

"Yes, Guy. You might be familiar with the species. I'm fairly sure you've got one kicking about this place too." Her infamous caustic wit returns to her suddenly with the desire to keep Guy at bay. She can't think of anything worse than him getting muddled in all these things bubbling to the surface of her life.

He looks confused when he says, "But you're forty-eight and she's thirty-two."

"Teenage girls _can_ get pregnant, you know," Serena snaps. "And here was me thinking you're a qualified doctor."

"Now now," he says. "No need for that."

The door opens again but it's not Shayna returning. It's Ric coming to check up on her. She sees it in his eyes. "Harry paged me," he explains softly to her. "He seems to think you're having a little crisis."

"And he sent for you because..." Serena trailed away expectantly. This is wrong, she realises suddenly. She shouldn't be taking it out on Ric. She shouldn't be trying to push him out, because she knows he's as solid as a stone. If anyone can stand by her, it's him. She sighs and says, "Sorry." Guy seems uncomfortable and, as much fun as it is to see the man squirm, she decides to put him out of his misery. "Go on. It's all going to be fine." She's telling herself that as much as she tells him, and he seems relieved to be free of the situation.

He strides out but she doesn't miss the look he shares with Ric, who knows without even being told that the truth has come out. She nods at him and it seems to be all the explanation he needs. He sits on the edge of the table, where Guy had been sat, and takes her hand in his. She looks at their joined hands and sees the shaky union they share.

"I can't believe this is happening," Serena confesses. "I never thought I'd see her again."

Ric smiles slightly. "Well, she's here. Where is she, anyway?"

"Making tea," she replies. "She's looking after me, Ric, and it should be _me_ looking after _her_." It's her maternal instinct that makes her think like that. She knows many mothers would find it hard to be maternal after so long apart, but she can't think of Shayna as anything but the little baby girl whose life was saved by their divergence of paths. Maybe it's because Serena never wanted to part with Shayna, or because she knows she did it for the love of her daughter, but she can't doubt what she feels.

The door opens and shuts gently and Shayna walks in with two mugs. She hands one to Serena and kept one for herself. She seems to have given herself a little bit of a shock as well, but her first words to Serena are, "I am so, so sorry. I didn't want you to find out like that. I just..."

"Panicked," Serena finished for her, a nod of Shayna's head confirming it quietly.

"I should go," Ric says. "I'll leave you to it." Serena feels her stomach turn into knots at the idea of facing it all alone.

To Serena's relief, Shayna says, "It's OK. You can stay." She takes her hair out of it's hair tie, letting it flow loosely to her upper back while she's not on the ward.

Serena feels her daughter staring into her. Ric seems to like this idea. "Is that alright with you, Serena?" he asks her quietly. She nods and he squeezes her hand in support; she knows he's there when she inevitably has to let her emotions pour out.

Shayna pulls out an old, worn piece of paper. "There's one way to know with out resorting to blood tests and all that stuff," she says. She passes Serena the piece of paper; she cautiously unfolds it and immediately recognises her own handwriting from when she was sixteen years old. She can remember writing it as she kept looking up to steal some last glances of her baby before she had to hand her over.

"I wrote this," admits Serena. "I was sixteen. It was the night before I gave you up." It hurts her heart to say these things to her own daughter; if she had been as strong and sly and smart as she is now, she would have found a way for them to stay together and be safe. She traces her fingers over her thirty-two-year-old words, the emotion in them as strong now as it had been then. She notices the stains of the tears she cried into that letter, and she can recall she had pretty much sobbed herself to sleep that night, and many nights after.

Shayna takes a step forward. "Was he really _that_ bad?" she asks.

"He tried to kill you, Shayna," whispers Serena. "He tried to suffocate you. I couldn't risk your life." She can tell Shayna accepts what she is being told to be the truth. Ric says nothing. He's already heard this, and she knows that he knows that it's his presence she finds to be the reassurance, not necessarily his words. "But I always loved you. You can't doubt that, alright? I did it all for you, because I love you too much to let you come to harm."

Tears fall down Shayna's cheeks and Serena feels awful for making her cry. "Mum..." she whispers. "Can I call you that?" she asks uncertainly. The question makes Serena's tears spill over into a smile; she hadn't realised just how close to mirroring her daughter she had actually been until now. She feels Ric's hand leave hers and he stands up. He kisses her hair and walks out, and she knows then he believes in her, and she's amazed by how much his faith in her means.

"Yes," she replies as Ric shuts the door behind him. "Yes, you can, darling."

So far, it's Shayna who has been making the effort and speaking to Serena, even hugging her and pressing a kiss into her temple last night. She hasn't doubted for even a moment in who her mother is. "Mum," she repeats thoughtfully. "I have a mum."

"Why have you come to find me, Shayna?" she asks. "After all these years, what's making you want to know me?"

Shayna hesitates and runs her hands through her hair. "The last ten years have been awful," she admits softly. "I married a man who's abused me and tried to protect Serenity from him, and I couldn't see that it was all wrong because it felt like a family. He convinced me for years that everything was alright and that I got no more than I deserved. I pushed everyone away. And I just...I need my mum," she explains. She starts to cry and Serena can just about feel her heart cracking in two.

Serena hesitantly gets to her feet. Why is this so easy? She's heard and seen horror stories of children who find their parents who, for various reasons, abandoned them or gave them up. She's seen them struggle and resist and find it so difficult that they never connect. But here she is with the daughter she's not seen nor heard from for over three decades, and it feels like it's the most natural thing in the world.

Serena opens her arms and then stops herself. What if Shayna doesn't like it? "Can I just..." she says, her voice fading. Shayna only nods, and she's overcome with tears. Serena steps forward and takes her daughter into her arms, cuddling her tightly. She places her hand on the back of her head, her fingers caught in Shayna's thick brown locks, her other arm tight around her waist as she pulls her crying daughter into an embrace.

Like Serena, Shayna is strong but not unbreakable. She holds a massive amount of fear within her; they both do.

"Shh," Serena hushes her. "Come on. It's alright."

Serena lets her own tears fall freely down her face, doing nothing to stop them. The source is a mixture of shock, happiness and fear, and it minces her mind up until there's very little sense to be had. She can feel Shayna's fingers gripping her shirt as she clings to her mother for the first time since she was a tiny baby. Serena glances through the half-shut blinds at Ric, who sees her and smiles comfortingly at her. How can he have so much faith in her ability here?

Mary-Claire Carter also stares through, a soft smile on her face, and says something to Ric. He smiles and gets back to work, ordering Mary-Claire to do the same.

She is snapped out of her head space when she hears and feels Shayna murmur into her neck, "Mum?"

"Yes?"

"I love you too," she whispers, her voice croaky. Serena has to smile through the fountain falling down her cheeks. She's not even sad. She's just completely overwhelmed and confused and fearful of the path ahead.

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><p><em>Reviews and comments are always welcome.<em>


	9. Chapter 9

_Thanks for taking the time to read this._

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><p>Shayna can hear the trampling in of the nightshift staff, and a loud Scottish man is the centre of attention as he calls orders to his juniors for handover. In walks man she can recognise as Sacha Levy, though only because one of the nurses had told her he is the man with the bizarre shirts and the happy face. She exchanges a smirk with Serena, extremely glad she hasn't had to endure a ten hour shift with this pair of muppets.<p>

"Raf, there's a patient in bed eight who wants home but she's in no fit state," Mary-Claire warns. So the Scottish guy's name is Raf then. He takes the file and looks through it.

"And she doesn't like scars," Shayna adds bitterly. The men looks up questioningly so she holds up the backs of her hands to them. "She doesn't let me treat her because of mine." Sacha and Raf share a disdainful look at the patient's bad attitude.

"Dr. Tressler tells me there was some drama here today," Raf says. Shayna raises an eyebrow at him, pretending to be interested, and Mary-Claire gives him a warning look he somehow manages to misconstrue. Serena is in the corner of the nurses' station, out of the man's line of sight but not out of earshot. "Apparently, Ms. Campbell's got a daughter."

"Well, yeah," Sacha shrugs. "Eleanor, from when she was married to Edward." Shayna's mind turns to Edward Campbell for just a moment; she is bloody lucky he was too drunk to recognise her yesterday. Otherwise, things may have gone very badly.

"No, no, no," Raf waves away Sacha's explanations. "No, this is a _nurse_. Who's like thirty or something, so Ms. Campbell would have had to have been pregnant as a teenager." Shayna leans against the counter, eyeing them threateningly. She hates that they gossip so carelessly about her mother, and so openly so that Serena can hear them.

"No way," Sacha dismisses it. "Harry must have his wires crossed."

She notices Serena look around, and she seems hurt by what they say, or maybe that they speak of her at all. "I mean, can you imagine it?" Raf laughs. "I can't even imagine her as a kid, never mind ending up pregnant as a teenager. It's a wonder she made it to be a doctor, never mind a consultant. And as for the daughter, she grew up in care, as far as I've been told. Seems Ms. Campbell wasn't always Mummy material."

Serena looks like she could cry at his words, and to see her wounded infuriates Shayna until she is glaring intently at Raf, her arms folded across her chest.

"Can I help you?" he asks her, his Glaswegian accent prominent in his inflection.

"Yeah, actually," she snaps at him. "You can stop disrespecting my mum, for a start." Their faces fall in the realisation they've landed themselves in hot water. "And you can maybe start looking around you to make sure the subject of your idle gossip isn't standing listening to you with her head in a file, you idiots."

The men turn and Serena is staring at them. She knows they both know it's just thoughtlessness; there's no malice here, but she doesn't expect that to improve her mother's mood. It's Sacha who speaks up. The loud Scotsman seems to have lost his voice. "Ms. Campbell, I am _so_ sorry!" he says. "We didn't know you were there."

"Obviously," Serena retorts. "And that makes it better, does it? Does it not occur to you that you shouldn't be speaking about my private life at all, whether I can hear or not?" Shayna expects Serena's voice to rise but it doesn't. In fact, she would be less frightening if she shouts. There is something about the dead calm in her voice that's unnerving, and she realises now why the junior doctors fear her.

Raf, however, has found his voice again. "Sorry, Ms. Campbell, but it ceases to be private when your daughter shouts 'Mum' across the ward. What did you expect to happen?"

"People to possess a little respect and common decency, perhaps?" Serena answers him. "You need to remember _nothing_ is black and white, Raf. There's no such thing. So the next time you mock me for getting pregnant at sixteen, or Shayna for growing up in the care system, remember that, please." Serena goes to walk away but she turns back to them. "And for the record, I love my daughters. Both of them."

With that, Serena walks away, and instinct makes Shayna follow her; she's due to leave anyway. "You alright?" she asks. The reach the corridor when they fall into pace with each other's step. "Just ignore them."

Serena laughs a little. "You do realise they're only vocalising what everyone is thinking?"

Shayna stops Serena in her tracks and spins her around by the arm. "Who cares?" she says. "All that matters is we know the truth, and we know how it went, and we know we love each other. You've got nothing to prove, Mum." She feels guilty for putting Serena through this, but she knows this will blow over and in a week, nobody will care. In a week, they'll be mother and daughter and nobody will give a damn.

"Raf is right, though," argues Serena. "I should have been a better mother to you."

"You protected me. You sacrificed keeping me to make sure I was safe. That is _everything_ to me," she admits, reaching out to push Serena's fringe to the side. She lets her hand fall to her mother's cheek and she feels that her skin is soft and well-cared for; the opposite of her own as she has a slight tendency to completely forget about moisturiser. She heaves a sigh and pulls Serena into a tight cuddle. "Don't worry about that lot. They'll get bored of it."

She breathes in the smell of Serena's neck. Minus the wine of previous occasions, her skin smells sweet and slightly floral, and she knows she'll recognise it for the rest of her life now. "Why don't you hate me?" she can hear Serena ask. "Why don't you want to slap me silly?"

Shayna chuckles into Serena's neck. "Because I know you did what was right, not what was easy, and I know if I hate you, I lose you. And I don't want to lose you." She puts Serena at arm's length and stares straight at her. "If you want, you can come round to mine for dinner. I was going to order a pizza," she confesses her laziness with a smirk.

Serena sighs and says, "Can I just have a night to get my head around this? It's not that I don't want to. It's just that if I don't take some time out and let my head make sense of it all, I might just go crazy." Shayna has to laugh at her logic but she understands – it's been a long and tough day for both of them. It's probably a good idea for her to take some time for herself as well. "Sorry," she adds.

"Yeah, it's probably a good idea. And I need to explain some stuff to Serenity as well." She takes a moment to look Serena over. She's obviously worn out and Shayna knows that's her doing; she shouldn't have allowed herself to panic like she had done, forgetting she had not been known to Serena for who she is. She leans over and kisses her cheek, and says to her, "Goodnight, Mum. See you in the morning."

"Goodnight, sweetheart," Serena smiles gently. Shayna returns it and walks away, wondering how the hell she is meant to go on from here. She's never had a mother before...what is it like to have a mum? Someone who loves her without condition and, for all her mistakes and faults, continues to do so?

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><p>Serena sits in her empty house, in her empty living room, with an empty wine glass in her hands. She's still a bit stunned, and she's still hurting from what Raf had said. She knows she should have been more courageous and she should have been stronger. She doesn't need reminded of that. She knows all this.<p>

But what she also sees is that Shayna loves her despite her weakness and despite her mistakes. She doesn't understand it very easily; the times she had imagined a reunion with her daughter, she had conjured up images of fury and pain, not love and acceptance. But love and acceptance is all Shayna shows her. She remembers hearing 'Mum' being yelled across the ward at her, and the fear it had put in her.

For a moment she wonders what on Earth she is going to tell Eleanor. Her youngest daughter doesn't even know she is the youngest daughter. She thinks she's the _only_ daughter, and it's another mistake of Serena's. She should have been straight with her, and explained that, somewhere in this mad world, she has a big sister. But it would have necessitated in Edward's discovery of her child, and she has never trusted him with the knowledge. Loving someone isn't the same as trusting them, and she knows she'll never _not_ love Edward, in some way, shape or form.

The door bell rings and the noise makes her jump back into the present. With a groan at the pain it brings on in her hips and knees, she stands up and goes to the door; she's getting old, she notes, as she bends her knees a couple of times. She opens the door to find Ric Griffin standing on the step. Serena steps aside for him to enter her home and she can feel that he's about to give her a talking to, but she doesn't need it. She knows everything he intends on drumming into her.

"I heard my new registrar stuck his foot in it earlier," he comments lightly. She stands as he sits, and she raises an eyebrow at him. "Sacha told me. They feel awful."

"Good," she smirks. "Serves them right for opening their big mouths."

She sits down next to him and stares at the floor. To her amazement, there's no accusation or talking to from him, and she is thankful that he seems to understand she's seen everything she is responsible for. "Thank you," she says quietly. She looks around and meets his gaze. "For today. And last night. In fact, thank you for just being you."

He laughs for a moment. "What's got into you?"

She asks herself the same question and she can only find the need to live again. She's not lived in decades. She's not lived being married to Edward or divorced from him. She's not lived by being a physician, or a businesswoman. She's only survived, and at some points by the skin of her teeth. She doesn't want to survive. She wants to live. Properly live. Leave the fathers of her children behind her and get on with what she can build for herself.

And then there's Ric, who is synonymous with care and morality and gentleness, and he's been there for her time and time again, even when she's been trying to push him out. He's here now, isn't he? He's here when he knows what kind of mess her life is in just now, and she doesn't have to ask him. She knows he's willing to help her.

She pulls them to their feet and she kisses his cheek gently. Maybe she's had too much wine but she feels so much affection for him. He treats her with humanity and decency where others don't. His hand is sitting on her waist and she doesn't realise how close they stand until their faces are an inch apart. Her hand sits on his neck, her thumb stroking his cheek, and she closes the gap between them, their lips clashing gently.

He kisses her gently and very carefully, and she wraps an arm around him. She kisses him with intensity that it amazes her she can feel that for him. She wonders if she's actually been numb for months and months, because the passion she feels now feels so abnormal. She breaks away and leans her forehead against Ric's. This ability to feel everything – the pain, the surprise, the fear, the love, the guilt, the shock, the confusion – is something she's forgotten.

"Someone had better take your temperature," Ric smiles. "There's got to be something wrong with Serena Campbell if she shows me any affection."

She smirks and hits his side playfully but still quite hard, making him groan. "Take that back," she quips. He silently dares her to make him and she holds his stare. She thinks of Shayna and Serenity and a sudden thought occurs to her. "Ric..."

"Yes?"

"I've got a problem." He looks concerned and pushes her away slightly so he can read her deadly serious face. "I've just realised...I'm a grandmother."

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><p><em>Reviews and comments welcome!<em>


	10. Chapter 10

_Bit of an odd chapter here, split into three. Thanks to all who are reading and reviewing._

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><p>Shayna sits with Serenity on the sofa, handing her a slice of pizza. "Serenity," she says to her daughter. The girl looks up at her, her green eyes happier than they have been for the eight years of her life. "Do you remember I told you I named you after my mum? Your granny?"<p>

"Yeah. Granny Serena," she happily replies. "You're looking for her." She bites her pizza and Shayna hands her a glass of water, knowing food tending to stick in Serenity's throat. She takes it gratefully and gulps it down until Shayna takes it from her.

"You'll make yourself sick, sweetheart," she gently scolds Serenity's haste. Her mind flits back to the corridor, hearing her mother call her what she has just called her daughter; they are three generations of women cut from the same cloth, strong and flexible but fraying at the edges. Three women who have faced their own hells, even if the youngest is only eight years into her life. "Do you want to meet her?" she asks when Serenity is able to answer her.

"Can I?" she asks, and it's clear she's excited at the prospect. "Mummy, why have we never had anybody but Daddy?" It's a concept Shayna can't fully explain because she doesn't fully understand it herself. All she knows is that one day last year she had looked around her and there had been nobody but her innocent daughter and her abusive husband, and, without her even noticing, her life had contracted to within a five mile radius.

Shayna huffs a sigh and admits, "Serenity, your dad isn't always a nice man."

"I know," she replies simply. "I saw him hurt you." It shocks Shayna to realise that, despite her best efforts to keep it hidden, her daughter had seen the abuse for what it had been. If she sees the abuse then she sees the fear, and if she sees the fear then she sees the desperation. "Did he make the marks on your hands?"

Shayna doesn't answer and Serenity doesn't protest or demand anything. She just eats in silence and accepts now isn't the right time. She's always been like that. She's a very accepting young girl, who knows right from wrong but has never been able to act on it because of her father's warped ideas. But at least Serena seems to have a solid morality – in comparison to her son-in-law, anyway, but that would never be an unfavourable comparison. Not in a million years.

She switches on the TV to distract Serenity from the conversation, and she thinks back to how today took such a drastic turn. All Serena had done was try to stand up for a nurse on her ward, and instead she had been confronted by her daughter. Shayna doesn't understand how she had remained so calm; she had expected to receive a verbal beating for the manner in which she had revealed it, however unintentional, but instead her mother had sedately explained her reasons and her love. Shayna can't doubt it. She can't doubt her mother loves her.

She feels her phone vibrate in her pocket and sees the caller ID. She presses 'ignore' and hastily puts it back in her hoodie. He's looking for her and eventually he will find her.

The storm is coming.

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><p>Serena sits once more in her living room with Ric; why had she kissed him? After vowing to herself never to allow her heart to win her head over when it comes to Ric, she's kissed him, and she doesn't even regret it. He's the first truly decent man she's fallen for. He's never tried with intent to hurt her. He's never made her feel like she doesn't deserve the air she breathes. He's never put his hands on her and he's never tried to manipulate her. He's only been there, next to her, for two years.<p>

She tells herself that she hadn't meant to kiss him, and that she's only seeking his comfort, not his love.

After her realisation that she's not only a mother but a grandmother too, she had fallen silent and he had sat down with a thoroughly amused smirk. After ten minutes of companionable silence, he says, "You look good. You know, for a grandmother." Serena's mouth drops open and she lets out a laugh; she picks up a cushion and hits him over the head with it. He reaches out and squeezes her thigh lightly, letting her know it's only a joke.

"Do you know how _old_ that makes me feel?" she grumbles.

"You're only forty-eight, Serena," he reminds her. "You're much younger than I am." She traces the back of his hand with her fingertips, feeling him slowly link his fingers with hers. "You'll make a lovely granny." Serena cringes to herself at the idea, but she knows she'll love her granddaughter.

"You know, Shayna named her daughter Serenity," she quietly tells him.

"After you," he replies. She looks around at him and lets him see it all. Everything she feels, for once, is laid bare for him to see. "She's always loved you, and you've got to stop doubting that."

"I expected her to hate me." She stares at the floor, unable to look at Ric as she admits that she had always believed her child despised her. "All these years, I thought she must have hated me."

"People react in different ways," Ric reasons. "Some people allow themselves to be blinded by confusion, anger and hatred, and others find a way to understand and accept things for what they are. Shayna's got her head screwed on – something she must get from her mum." He shuffles closer to her and pushes his arm between the sofa and her back, pulling her into his side. "I know you've never been able to brace yourself for all this, and it must be hard to make sense of it. But don't think of it as the past coming back to haunt you. Think of it as your new beginning."

She turns her head and leans her chin on his shoulder. "Mr. Insightful himself," she accuses lightly, though she can't hide the smile beginning to creep onto her lips. "You always know what to say, don't you?"

"It's either give you my insights or watch you struggle," he confesses quietly. "I've seen you when you struggle and I'm not putting myself through that again."

"Cheeky."

"True though." In that moment, his eyes bright and sparkling, his smile wide and charming, Serena doesn't think she has ever felt so attracted to the man. There's just something about him that she can't help but adore, and every time she looks, that something is something different from the last time. "But I guess I can overlook your temperament, since you're so beautiful." He is winding her up and she knows it, but it takes a lot of effort not to pull her defences back up so quickly after letting them drop.

He leans in and kisses her, and this time it's no mistake, and there is definitely no hesitance. Her breath catches in her throat for just a moment before she reminds herself he is safe. She smiles against his lips and wraps an arm around the back of his neck. She pushes his jacket off his shoulders and lets her hand fall down his back, feeling the warmth of his body leaning softly into hers. Her own shirt falls easily off, leaving her in her grey top as she leans back to give him easier access to her.

She feels his hands wander down to her hips, lightly holding her to the sofa. His fingers touch her stomach and she lets the floodgates break open. Every emotion hits her there and then, and she has two options: take his love or break down and cry. She knows she'll end up doing the latter at some point anyway but she would rather Ric doesn't have to witness that ugly scene.

Serena stops him and takes his hand, pulling him up the stairs to her bedroom. Tonight she needs him; he is what is stopping her deluge of feelings flooding over her, and his touch is a comfort she had never thought she would want again. Taking complete control, she gently kicks the ajar door wide open and kisses him fiercely until it's his back against the wall. He pulls her top over her head, and she does the same to him.

She isn't aware of him undressing her after that point until he picks her up and lays her on the bed. She can feel him kiss her neck and she pulls him closer; she can't remember a man who is so gentle but passionate at the same time, and so careful but so confident. They are laid bare in every way, skin against skin, breath against breath, touch against touch, heartbeat against heartbeat, crossing the treacherous ground between friendship and love, and the unseen warnings in between.

Their fingers interlocked, they take each other for everything they've got, and give each other everything they have left in them, with no holding back.

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><p>It's one in the morning, or thereabouts, when Shayna's phone vibrates yet again. He was due back in the country yesterday but she had assumed that he would have drank himself into oblivion for a few days before hassling her. Evidently she had been mistaken. He's phoned her seven times in as many hours, and she's ignored every one of his calls. She wishes she could bar his number but she's not sure if she can even do it on her smartphone.<p>

He terrifies her, and she sees now that it is totally wrong. All their relationship has ever been is wrong, but he's a convincing liar. It's the most frightening things about him, that ability to make a person believe whatever he say, even if it's just lies and deceit and nonsense. He may not have hit Serenity – yet – but she's watched him start to make his attempts to warp their daughter into a mini version of him. She won't have it. He's got off with too much for far too long.

This is why she wants her mum. She's left herself in isolation and she knows he has his means, and that when he gets hold of her, he's going to try and make her regret being born. He has no idea she's come in search of her mother, or even that her mother is still alive, because she's never trusted him not to block off that means of escape.

If he's calling her every hour then he can't be that drunk, and she isn't sure she likes that. If he's drunk then there is only so far he can travel, but there are no limits to what he would do to get his own way when he's drunk. She wants him to just vanish into thin air without another word to sting her or another slap to stun her. She wishes never to happen across him again but she knows it's in vain. He's a determined man.

But he's also intimidated by her abilities as a nurse and as a human being, and her intelligence; the honest fact of the matter is that he isn't intelligent. He's devious, and, to Shayna, there is a massive difference there. She's determined to outdo him, and she's determined to start afresh here without his influence.

The phone vibrates once more and she picks it up with a heavy sigh. This time it's a text message, and a perfectly sober one at that, if the grammar is anything to go by: _Keep running. I will find you._

It sends a shot of fear straight through her and she reaches the uncomfortable conclusion that she's lived this for far too long. A woman shouldn't have to fear her husband. A man shouldn't have to fear his wife. After all, if she fears him and he fears her, what kind of a marriage can it really be?

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><p><em>Reviewscomments welcomed._


	11. Chapter 11

_Thank you if you're reading this!_

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><p>It's only four in the morning when Serena finds herself sat in her moonlit kitchen with only a cup of milky coffee in her cold hands and a mountain of emotions building itself inside her. The chill that runs through her isn't physical – if it was then she would assume something were seriously wrong with her, since the heating is on full blast in the height of a cold winter, and she wears a thick pink dressing gown and soft fluffy slippers.<p>

She can't help but wonder how different things may be right now. One tiny change, keeping Shayna, thirty-two years ago could have changed the path of her life forever. She would never have managed to go to medical school and she would therefore have never gone to Harvard University. She would never have met Edward and never had to suffer at his hands, but she also never would have conceived Eleanor. She now doesn't know if she regrets it or not; how can she regret the existence of her youngest child?

Her mind wanders to Ric, who lies sleeping in her bed, and she remembers with a tiny smile their night together. It's been a night of pain and comfort and of love and passion, drowning her in all kinds of emotion she's never known she can feel until now. She's overwhelmed by everything that's happened, and all she seems to have gained feels undeserved.

She feels all these emotions building up in her chest, and she knows there will be no stopping it. She's going to end up crying her heart out, all alone in her dark kitchen. Not because she's sad or because she's upset, but because all this is more than she knows how to contain. Everything and everybody around her moves too fast, never allowing her time to sort her own thoughts out. They don't know it, but they're sending her mind into overdrive just to make sense of her own world.

The stinging in her eyes warns her that she isn't going to be able to hold it back much longer, no matter how hard she tries. And maybe she should stop trying, or it's going to end up like New Year's Eve all over again. She'll end up holding it back until something unrelated makes her crack, only this time Ric might not be there to pull her aside. Better to let it out where she is the only person it can affect, isn't it?

But it's her habit of a lifetime to beat her feelings down, ignoring their shouts for release in favour of superficial control. She finds it hard to stop repressing all she feels because she's afraid of what the full force of her emotions might do to her. She can't recall a time, since the age of sixteen, that she's allowed herself to be overcome with emotion; the nights she had cried herself to sleep had convinced her that what she needs is complete self-control.

The sob that finally escapes her is quiet and physically painful, ripping slowly through her chest like a hacksaw against steel. She is rather shocked and amazed to find that the thing she wants right now is lying one floor up, out like a light in her bed. He's not what she's ever expected to want but she finds she does.

He is calm and collected, and rational – Edward's opposite. Alan's opposite, too, although Serena has long understood now that there had been something seriously wrong with that boy. Normal, healthy people don't try and kill their child or their girlfriend, and especially with absolutely no provocation. In many ways, she feels sorry for Shayna's father, because she can't really hate him. She remembers being seventeen, pinned against an alley wall, and seeing the fear and terror in his eyes. He had been terrified of what he had become; the boy she ran from that night had not been the boy Serena McKinnie had fallen in love with.

The boy she had fallen for had been sweet and kind, and protective of her. Not possessive, but protective, always trying to stop her getting hurt. He had been harmless, but not long after Shayna was born, Serena had watched him grow darker with every day, until all the happiness in him was gone, and the light in his eye was completely extinguished, leaving a terrifying darkness in its wake.

She wonders now if he's even still alive or if whatever ever demon that possessed him on the days he had been murderous and broken had taken over and destroyed him completely.

Before she can make an attempt to exercise control, her body is shaking as she struggles to contain the mess inside her, and she is leaning forward with her face in her hands, muffling the sobs that manage to break free of her control.

Why can't she just have a normal, simple life? Why can't the world just stop conspiring against her, and why can't the people in her life stop making things so difficult?

She realises that she's used up seven lives, and she's running out of fresh ones. Her life from birth to age sixteen, where she had been happy and youthful. She'd never worried about a thing unless it was to do with school or friends, and she couldn't have asked for better parents. Every problem had a solution, and nothing was impossible. It's a life she wishes she can return to, even if only for its simplicity.

Aged sixteen to twenty-two had been a dark and single-minded life, where she had focussed only on her career, trying to forget what she left behind. She had repressed all emotion she held for Shayna and for Alan, and proceeded to push herself through medical school and all her training, always getting excellent grades, driven by her need to forget the life she had left behind. She had gone to America to study business and met Edward, never seeing him for the man he is today.

Between twenty-two and thirty she had been a wife to Edward, one of her more insane lives. Life with Edward had never been simple. Always chaotic, she somehow muddled through it all and progressed with her career, and to this day she can't figure out how she managed it. She doesn't doubt that Edward had loved her in his own messed up little way but he had never been good with commitment and promise keeping, and she had allowed him chance after chance after chance to prove himself.

It lasted eight years until she had taken on another life as a wife to Edward _and_ a mother to Eleanor, as well as becoming a consultant. If marriage to Edward had been chaotic, when combined with motherhood, life became a blur until suddenly she was a consultant general surgeon for half the day and a mother with a cheating husband when she got home. And Edward rarely lifted a finger to help her, which had never made that life any easier.

The life of a family woman lasted until she was thirty-five, when it had all crumbled around her. Her life became one where she shut out even her own mother as she tried to find a way to raise Eleanor alone, and being a single mother had made her long for Shayna, who would have been nineteen, nearing twenty, at that point. She remembers the long nights she had allowed herself to think of who her oldest daughter had become with the knowledge that she had left Shayna to fend for herself; she never really understood the meaning of loneliness until she had been truly alone. It had been a life of unsettled searching for herself, uprooting herself over and over again, never finding the world she wanted to live in.

When she was forty-six she had moved to Holby with Eleanor, vowing to herself it was the last time she would up and leave. She hadn't had the energy to keep it up, and she had felt the gaping hole of everything she had lost growing wider and wider with every time she left a life behind. Every life she had lost left its mark, always one she could never remove. She had stepped into a comfortable life where she was independent but never alone, striking up the oddest of friendships with the likes of Ric Griffin, Michael Spence, Antoine Malick, Chantelle Lane...even if things had a tendency to go pear-shaped in that life, she was never alone in picking up the pieces.

And now, at forty-eight, she sees another life beginning. She's now faced with the mistakes of her previous lives all in one place, and the way ahead almost clear if it weren't for her own fears. She has Eleanor, Shayna, Ric...she can have anything wants if she can only deny the fear and reach out to the people she loves. She can see this life being her most difficult and yet her easiest; she has a lot to fix, and many bridges to build, but the foundations are there for her already.

She's torn from her contemplation when she hears footsteps in the kitchen; she's sitting forward with her head in her arms, and she's sobbing her heart out, even if she hasn't realised until now. "Serena," his voice rings out. She lifts her head and sees Ric standing there, lit by the moon, and she sees his care and concern. "Serena, what's wrong with you?" He sounds shocked, and she knows it's the state he's found her in that shocks him. He's never seen her _really_ cry.

She can't answer because nothing is wrong. Not really. Her oldest daughter has found her, her youngest daughter is making the solid foundations of her life at university, her ex-husband is manageable and, for once, unusually quiet, and she's found herself in the safety of Ric's arms. It's not wrong. But it's a lot to take in, and it's too much to hold with no outlet for the emotions all these things stir.

She feels so much that it's spilling over in the form of tears, and she can't stop the sobs that split her chest apart, making it painful even to breathe. It's not because she's weak. She knows now she's not as weak and Edward has always made her feel, and as her own actions have made her feel. She's not a weak person. She never has been.

But she's always said to Eleanor as she's grown up that it's alright to cry. That it's never a sign of weakness, only of someone who's been in too much control for too long. She's never taken her own advice, pushing everything she feels down until it's no longer visible to the outside world. But with Ric she can't keep pretending it's all fine when it's not. She doesn't know where to go or what road to take, and she doesn't know if she even has the right to be in Shayna and Serenity's lives.

She stares right at him and cries, "I just don't know what I'm meant to do, Ric." Her words are broken by her tears. "I've never not known what to do."

His hand is soon under her upper arm, pulling her to her feet with tenderness that surprises her. He reaches out and she feels his fingers on her face, wiping her tears away. "You stand up and you be a mother," he tells her. "You forget all you've done in the past and look forward. There's no use in looking back, Serena."

"But every time I look at her I see everything I've done wrong," she explains. "Her scars, Ric!" she adds desperately. "Someone has treated her so badly that they've scarred her hands, and I wasn't there for her."

"You don't know that. For all you know, that could have been an innocent accident."

"It wasn't," she retorts. Of course, she has no evidence of that. She can only go by what her instinct tells her, and she trusts that instinct. For her, it's easier to believe it's all wrong than it is to believe it's all fine.

He rests his hand on her shoulder and squeezes lightly. "How do you know?"

"I can feel it in my bones," she admits in little more than a whisper, still crying herself silly. "I know that sounds stupid, but someone's hurt her."

He lets out a quiet sigh and wraps his arms around her, holding her in a tight hug as she tries to reign her emotions in with no success. She just keeps crying and she finds she can't stop. His embrace is warm and comforting, and she knows he's not judging her in any way. That's what she loves most about Ric: he doesn't judge. He only accepts.

"You've not been there for her in the past," he acknowledges into her ear. "You're right. You've never been there for her. But you can be there for her now. She's going to need you, and so is your granddaughter. We'll be who we are, not who we were. All of us," he tells her, and she realises it's him saying he'll stand by her. It only makes her cry harder, knowing she doesn't deserve to have Ric after everything that's happened. "Shh," he hushes her gently.

She feels him kiss her jaw softly and she holds herself tight to him, for once letting her feelings just pour out. It doesn't hurt as much now there's someone to hold her.

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><p><em>Reviews and comments, as always, are welcomed.<em>


	12. Chapter 12

_I made a little bit of a confession yesterday - that I'm actually Sarah, who most of you probably know anyway. Bottom line is I was convinced I would screw this up so I decided to post it under another name. Anna-Louise is what my mum called me before my grandmother threw a tantrum and made her call me Sarah-Anne._

_As always, thank you to everyone who reads and reviews._

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><p>Shayna puts the mirror down and puts her make up away. It doesn't matter how much make up she puts on today, it's not going to make her any less exhausted than she is. She's been up half the night, almost jumping out of her skin at any noise. She's barely slept. It's been enough of an effort getting Serenity up in time for school.<p>

"One too many last night?" Zosia March smiles as she opens her locker. "If I had a pound for every time I've looked like that, I wouldn't be working in the NHS."

Shayna doesn't immediately reply, wondering if she should confide in the woman, just so someone can watch her back. But isn't that what her mum is for? She isn't used to the idea that she has someone who loves her, and who can protect her. "No," she finally sighs. "Long night."

"You seem troubled," Zosia comments. "You know, I haven't known Serena Campbell long but..." she hesitates. Shayna raises an eyebrow at the young doctor, waiting for her to make a smart comment about it all. Instead she sits down next to her. "Look, when my father showed up here, as the CEO, I was mortified. I don't trust him, and my mother is dead, so I have no parents," she admits. "But if Serena was my mother, I would consider myself a lucky woman."

Shayna stares at Zosia, astounded by her honesty, and asks, "What exactly are you saying?"

"I'm saying you're in a good place if Serena is fighting your corner. She'll do anything for her children. So whatever is bothering you, tell her. She'll do everything in her power for you."

"News travels fast around here, doesn't it?" Shayna sighs in an effort to deflect from the subject of her sleepless night. "Does _everyone_ know who my mum is?" Zosia smiles slightly and Shayna realises her relationship with Guy Self is one she must have tried to hide at all costs. "Jeez. You guys must gossip like old fishwives."

It makes Zosia smile, and she adds, "I heard my father stuck his oar in yesterday."

"He didn't have much choice," Shayna reasons. "Mum just kind of froze in the middle of AAU. But when Ric arrived, I watched him leave the office. He looked like he couldn't get out of there fast enough."

"I thought he looked a little flustered," Zosia smirked. "I almost thought he'd been in the storage cupboards with your mum." Shayna meets Zosia's stare and grins, laughing slightly, and it isn't long before the pair descend into giggles at the idea. For a moment she forgets the idea of her husband catching her, and she lets herself be amused with a woman who understands that it's difficult to deal with parents when everything has gone wrong. "I think if he had tried anything, Serena would have broken his jaw," Zosia laughs.

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><p>Ric opens the office door to see Serena absorbed in her laptop screen; it's one in the afternoon and she's normally out on the ward by now, but he can understand her need to have some time by herself. She notices him and hastily closes the laptop over. "Ric," she smiles. "What can I do for you?"<p>

"I'm just checking you're OK," he replies gently. He must admit that seeing her in that state has frightened him just a little. He's never known until now that she's capable of letting that much emotion build up inside her, and the result when it all spills out is startling. He's never felt her hold him so tight before. And as for sleeping with her...well, that just feels _right_. He can't regret it, because he's been slowly falling for her.

She gets out of her chair and takes his face in her hands. "You are _adorable_," she smiles. "Stop worrying. I'm perfectly fine." The change in her from nine hours ago is astounding. But he sees beyond that, and he sees she's still torn and raw, and still uncertain of what she must do. She can't see it, but he sees the lies behind her eyes. He reaches out and lets his hand sit on her waist.

"You shouldn't do this to me," he scolds her gently. "I hate to see you like you were this morning."

She's silent but he can tell she's still trying to control herself; he foresees that she's going to have to take a while to work her own mind out. Because, after all, she's been through a lot. Not just concerning Shayna, but she's been through a lot with Edward and with Eleanor and with her mother, and she can't be expected to be as fine as she says she is. Her hands are still on his face, and he can tell she's more afraid than she admits to.

Her eyes are still slightly red from her crying and her lack of sleep as she smiles. She tells him quietly, "You know, last night was good." He raises his eyebrows at her until she qualifies her statement with, "Apart from the crying and you having to put up with my madness." He feels her sweet breath on his face, and he pulls her slightly closer.

"Apart from the crying, it was most enjoyable," he agrees. She smiles and kisses him softly; he wouldn't have thought she would mix her personal life in with her work by kissing him here. But then it's a bit late for that, isn't it? He kisses back slowly and carefully, trying not to alarm her. He doesn't want to frighten her off, so he pulls away and, just like last night, rests his forehead against hers.

"Thank you," she unexpectedly says. "For this morning. You should have just left me to cry myself out."

Ric shakes his head against hers gently, unable to understand what makes her say that. "Serena, if I can hear you crying from another room, I'm not going to just leave you to cry yourself out," he tells her. "I do have a heart, you know."

"You've got more than me then."

Ric sighs. He knows she has to go through this stage of self-loathing, hating herself for all the years she's missed with Shayna, but that doesn't mean it's something he's content to watch her endure. "You've got a heart, and a good one at that," he tells her. "Snap out of it, Serena. If you want to be Shayna's mum, snap out of it. You're no good to her thinking like that."

He expects her to take offence but she does the complete opposite. "Thanks. I needed that."

Serena's eyes are dark and warm, yet they still shine with fear; it makes him put his arms around her and give her a hug, knowing she will always try and let on she's fine but that there are times she is anything but.

His own life has taken a drastic turn too; if someone had said this time last week that he would sleep with Serena Campbell and try and see her through the trauma of her hidden child showing up, he would have laughed and told them not to speak such rubbish. Even though it is a little bit mad and twisted, and it's not what he has been expecting to happen, he feels like it's what's meant to be. They've danced around each other enough, surely.

What he feels for Serena had been increasingly clear after Christmas and over New Year; he could string Edward up for leaving her in that state and, as much as he disagrees with the way it had been done, he had agreed with Guy on New Year's Eve: at that point, Serena had been unfit for work. The fact Edward left Serena Campbell, of all people, unfit to do her job makes Ric livid. Edward had known he has a power over her and he had completely abused it until he managed to embarrass her and almost kill someone, and she had put her foot down.

To see her find herself again during their night in Cambridge had been a relief to him; she somehow managed to return to her sparkling self, even if she had still been hiding that she was still hurting. Of course, Edward's repeated appearances with bunches of flowers perhaps hadn't helped matters.

But however they've arrived in this embrace, he is glad he has her. And whatever life with Shayna and Serenity in it may bring for Serena, he wants to be there for her. No matter what, he's been her friend for a good while, and that's not going to change, whatever their relationship may become.

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><p>Serena stands at her car and puts her belongings in the boot with a heavy sigh. The last few days have been stressful, and this morning has left her positively exhausted. Ric has been a lifesaver in the past twenty-four hours, and he doesn't seem to realise how much of a help he really has been. He's not allowed her to wallow, and he's given her a good talking to when she's needed it.<p>

"Mum!" she hears an increasingly familiar voice call across the car park. Serena looks around and sees Shayna running to her. "Mum, I need to speak to you."

Serena can't help but feel slightly elated that Shayna wants to speak to her, and wants a proper relationship with her. "Of course. What's up, darling?" she asks, closing the boot of her car down. It's only when Shayna is right up in front of her that she sees her daughter is actually terrified, and it hurts Serena to see it.

"I've not been entirely truthful."

"Oh dear," Serena sighs. "What haven't you told me?" she demands gently. She sees Shayna grow nervous and her instincts make her reach out and take her daughter's hand in her own; the look on her face worries Serena, because it's been clear all day that Shayna's not slept. "Shayna?"

Shayna stares her straight in the face, and it amazes Serena the level of intensity one woman can hold in her gaze. "You know I told you I walked out on my husband?" she asks cautiously.

"Yes."

"It's more like I'm on the run from him," she confesses. Serena huffs slightly; she's been expecting things to be less than simple so it doesn't come as a great shock to her that Shayna's running, but it also doesn't make her feel any less anxious. "He's looking for us already," she says, and she shows her the screen of her phone and a text message: _Keep running. I will find you._

"Is he really _that_ bad?" Serena asks. What kind of man has her daughter married? How badly has she been treated? Questions run around in Serena's mind, and she can't catch any of them to answer.

"Yes," she rigidly replies, putting her phone back into her coat pocket; it's easy for Serena to find the fear Shayna tries to hide, and that fear is the explanation for her exhaustion.

Serena picks up Shayna's hands and examines them under the orange glow of the sodium lights above. She sees where the skin has been melted and the scars it leaves between the wrist and fingers, obviously having been quite badly burned at some point or another. "Did he do this to you?" she says to Shayna, who only nods in silence. In this knowledge, Serena feels an overwhelming hatred for the son-in-law she's never met.

"I need you, Mum," Shayna says. Her voice comes out cracked and scared. There and then, a shrill ring shatters the cold air apart. Shayna looks at her phone and taps it once, bringing the noise to an end.

"Was that him?"

"He'll give up soon enough," she replies, but Serena sees it's a lie. Shayna looks at her watch and adds, "I've got a bus to catch. I _really_ need to get a car."

Serena sighs and says, "Get in. I'll take you home."

"No, no, it's fine," she waves away the offer. "But thanks."

Serena takes a step forward and looks straight into Shayna's eyes. "I will not let my daughter wander around in the dark when her violent husband is looking for her and we don't know where he is," she asserts. "Get in the bloody car."

An inexplicable smile spreads across Shayna's face at her protectiveness, and it's not long before she does as she is told and gets in the passenger seat of Serena's car. Serena starts the engine and lets it tick over for a minute before reversing out of her parking space, and she realises she's about to meet her granddaughter for the first time.

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><p><em>Reviewscomments welcome._


	13. Chapter 13

_Thank you, as usual, to everyone who is reading this._

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><p>With trepidation, Serena follows Shayna into her flat, noting that it smells sweet, like berries and vanilla, and that there is a light in the place she can't fully explain. She takes her shoes off at the door, even though she hasn't been asked to. She finds herself stalling, trying to find reasons not to proceed into the living room. She suddenly feels very nervous, more than she can remember being in her entire life. There's just something about finding herself in her daughter's home with her granddaughter just through the next door; it's making her heart flutter and her stomach knot up.<p>

She wants to step forward but her feet fail her. She can hear another woman's voice and she decides not to go in, because it's Shayna's business, not hers. It's only when a short young woman with dyed dark red hair passes her with a smile that she realises that she must go ahead. Shayna appears and says, "Come in, Mum. It's not the seventh circle of hell. Promise." She reaches her hand out and Serena hesitantly takes it.

In the living room, a little girl sits at the coffee table with a book, 'Roll Of Thunder, Hear My Cry.' How on Earth is this girl only eight years old? Serena watches her for a moment, completely engrossed in a book most eight-year-olds would struggle to even comprehend. "Yeah, she's a little bookworm. And she likes her art and music as well," Shayna explains. "At least it makes life easy for the childminder though."

Serena smiles slightly and says, "Do you need a hand with anything?"

"Um, well, you could help me make dinner?" Shayna suggests. Serena smiles and follows Shayna to the kitchen. It's wide and open, the walls a warm terracotta colour and the cupboards and floor made from light wood. "Can you peel the potatoes? I'm going to make some chips, I think," she requests quietly, pulling out a paper bag of them from the tall cupboard in the corner and placing some onto the counter.

Serena stares at the potatoes and says, "Isn't that a little too many?"

"That's enough for three, isn't it? Unless you don't like them," adds Shayna. Serena turns to gaze at her. "You _are_ staying for dinner, aren't you?"

It leaves Serena speechless, for some reason. She doesn't understand how Shayna can just assume that Serena will want to spend time with her. Is her faith in her strong enough that she knows just how much Serena loves her? Does the young woman's trust run so deep, even if she's never been given a reason to trust her mother?

"Um, yes, of course," she eventually says. She searches the drawers for a knife while Shayna's head is in the fridge.

"End drawer, next to the sink," she calls. Serena opens the drawer and finds a vegetable knife, and finds a colander to catch the peelings as she runs the tap. She sets about the task, hearing Shayna rattling about behind her. "So I've got a little sister," she says, and Serena hears the uncertainty and slight jealousy in her voice. She's been afraid of this – a jealousy between Shayna and Eleanor.

"Yes," Serena sighs. "And before you set about me, Edward may be an idiot but he's never set out to kill anyone. _Your_ father did, and that's the only reason I split us up. And Eleanor has no idea about you. I couldn't trust her not to tell her dad and I couldn't trust her dad not to do anything that might have put either of us in danger." She turns around and sees Shayna frozen. "It doesn't mean I love Eleanor more than I love you. It's a set of circumstances and though being married to Edward wasn't my best plan ever, Eleanor's circumstances had been relatively safe while yours put your life in danger. It is what it is. It is what I _had_ to do."

Shayna looks like she might cry but she doesn't. Instead she says, "You really have been protecting me all these years, haven't you?"

"You're my child, Shayna," Serena explains softly. "I would do anything to keep you safe, and if that means I've had to live without you for thirty-two years, then so be it."

Shayna falls silent, but it's clear that the doubts she holds are not banished completely. "I'm sorry. It's just I was wondering why you stayed with Eleanor and not me. It just makes me wonder if I wasn't good enough for you to stay, or if you didn't want me..." she trails away quietly.

Serena puts down the knife and steps forward, bearing in mind what Ric has told her she should do: be a mother. She takes Shayna's face in her hands and she finds herself speaking in earnest in a desperate attempt to make her fully understand. "You listen to me," she says forcefully. "I wanted you more than anything in the world. I love you. I've always loved you. If there had been a way to keep you and for you to be untraceable to your father then I would have grabbed it with both hands. But the fact of the matter is I had to do right by you, and a life in fear isn't a life I wanted for you. You are more than good enough, Shayna," Serena tells her. "It was horrible for me to have to leave you. It's the hardest and most painful thing I've ever done, but even at sixteen I knew you'd be better off for it. I love you, and don't you ever think I don't."

"I'm sorry," she says again, and she's dangerously close to tears.

"Don't be sorry," Serena commands her. "I know I haven't got the right to say it, but listen to your mother. She knows what's best for you." Shayna nods and it completely obvious she's trying to hold her tears back. "Oh, darling," sighs Serena. "Come here." She pulls Shayna into her arms, trying to believe she can undo all the damage she's done to the girl. She strokes the back of her daughter's head lightly and squeezes her tightly to her body, and adds, "Don't feel like you're not good enough. Maybe _I_ wasn't clever enough or devious enough to find a way to keep you, but it's nothing to do with what I feel for you. Giving you up was like ripping my heart in two, and it's never been whole since."

Serena has said all she needs to say, and explained all she needs to explain, and now all she can do is hold Shayna tight and pray to God she understands. "Mum," she whispers. "Please don't leave me again. I need you."

This is where Serena differs from her daughter. She doesn't tell people she needs them, and she keeps her secrets, but Shayna is honest and open, and lets people know how she feels. It's an ability she envies, because life would be so much more simple for her if she could only say what she feels when she's feeling desperate.

"I'm not going anywhere," she promises. "I'm not leaving you again."

Shayna's arms are tight around her and Serena feels her face nestling into her neck, willingly taking her mother's comfort. Serena breaks the embrace and pushes Shayna's thick, long hair behind her ears and away from her face. "Fish or chicken?" Shayna asks quietly. "For dinner?"

"Either," Serena replies with a smile, just relieved she seems to have convinced her of the truth. "I'm not picky."

"Good," she replies. Serena lets out a soft laugh and turns back to the sink and her task, picking up the knife and peeling potatoes with great speed. She's not aware that she's being watched until Shayna says, "Can you show me how to do that? I use a peeler and it takes ages."

Surprised, Serena looks around. "Um, yeah, of course," she smiles, hesitantly handing Shayna the knife and a potato; she moves out of the way of the sink and allows Shayna full access to the tap and colander. "Put your thumb at the bottom," she instructs. "Pull the knife towards your thumb but don't cut too deep."

"Is that safe?" Shayna cautiously asks.

"You won't cut yourself," she reassures her. With the assurance of Serena watching her, she peels the vegetable quickly, and just to know she's doing something helpful makes Serena smile just a little bit. "Isn't that easier than messing about with a peeler?"

"Definitely," she answers. "Those things are just a pain."

With the battered fish in the oven and the potatoes in the chip pan, they go back through to the living room, where Serenity is still reading her book; she hasn't moved an inch. "Serenity, sweetheart, put the book down. You're going to hurt your neck," Shayna says, setting a glass of milk down in front of the child. Serenity quietly obeys and closes the book over, marking the page with a piece of torn cardboard from a cereal box.

Her eyes meet Serena's, and the first thing she notices is that the child's eyes are a bright, sparkling green, presumably from her father, since her mother is dominated by Serena's dark brown hair and eyes. "Are you Granny Serena?" Serenity asks of her. Serena has to look to Shayna for help, not really knowing how to reply.

"Yes, she is. And be polite," she warns Serenity sternly. Serena smiles, remembering she's often had to remind Eleanor to be respectful around Adrienne. She used to tell Edward the same, and it stuck while he had been sober, but as soon as he had been inebriated, all respect and dignity had gone out the window.

Serenity holds out her little hand and Serena shakes it gently. "I'm Serenity," she boldly introduces herself.

"Serena," she replies. To hear their names said one after the other sounds odd, only because they are so similar. She silently thanks her lucky stars the girl isn't called Serena too – now _that_ would be confusing.

"Granny," Serenity says quietly. The name makes Serena cringe internally yet again, but she knows it's only a reflection on their relationship and not on her age so she smiles and nods her head gently. "Are you a nurse like Mummy?" she asks.

"No, I'm a doctor," Serena answers. "But I do work with your mum."

Serenity seems fascinated as she sits down on the sofa between her mother and her grandmother. "Do you save people?"

"Yes, my dear," Serena chuckles at the innocence in the question, asked by a girl who can't yet understand the ins and outs of what goes on in a hospital. "We all work as a team so we can save people."

"Are you going to save us?" Serenity asks.

The question alarms Serena, and so does Shayna's reaction. "Serenity," she warns her daughter in a low tone. "Be quiet." Serena looks up at Shayna; are things really so dangerous that Serenity thinks she and her mum actually need saved from the man they've left behind, and that Serena is the one who is capable of saving them? Serena picks up the book on the table and starts discussing it with Serenity in an effort to change the subject while she is there to hear exactly how much Shayna is actually running from.

Shayna's mobile rings and she looks at the screen with a sigh. "Give it here," Serena orders her gently.

"No," Shayna answers. "No, don't, Mum. I don't want him knowing about you. He'll just try and hurt you." Serena glances at Serenity but the child seems not to be bothered by what's been said; in fact, she seems to accept it easily, and Serena realises the girl has seen more than she should have. She obviously knows what her dad is like and won't defend him.

Shayna gets up and goes to the kitchen, muttering something about peas and wine, and Serena finds herself alone with her granddaughter. Serenity, thankfully, is more confident with this situation than Serena is, and she says, "I'm happy Mummy found you."

"So am I," Serena smiles.

"What will you do when my daddy finds us?" she demands, like Serena must have a plan to tackle that eventuality. How can she, though, when nobody will tell her how bad things are? "I don't want him to find us."

"Why not?" Serena returns; she puts an arm around the girl's little body, wrapping her arms around until her hand rests on Serenity's stomach.

Serenity stretches up and whispers into Serena's ear, "He tried to kill Mummy. He beat her up and pushed her down the stairs. Please don't let him kill Mummy, Granny." It horrifies Serena, and she presses her face into Serenity's long curly hair when she sits back down. Suddenly Shayna is next to them, holding a bottle of red wine and two glasses, and Serena finds herself furious at the second man who has attempted to take her daughter's life.

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><p><em>Reviews and comments are always welcomed.<em>


	14. Chapter 14

_It's starting to get messy here - this is where the true extent of Edward's drunken mistakes come to light. Thanks, always, to the people who are reading and reviewing._

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><p>"<em>As we came off the bridge<em>," Serena reads quietly to Serenity; they lie side by side, the child under the duvet while Serena lies on the top of it. "_we could see the Wallaces, all three of them – Dewberry, Thurston and Kaleb – touch their hats respectfully, then immediately freeze as they saw who we were. Uncle Hammer, straight-faced and totally calm, touched the brim of his own hat in polite response and without a backward glance sped away, leaving the Wallaces gaping silently after us._

"_Stacey, Christopher-John, Little Man and I laughed, but Mama's cold glance mad us stop. 'You shouldn't have done that, Hammer,' she said quietly._

"_'The opportunity, dear sister, was too much to resist.'_

"_'But one day we'll have to pay for it. Believe me,' she said, 'one day we'll pay.'_"

Serena puts the torn cereal packet at the next page – the start of the seventh chapter – and places the book on the bedside table. "Can't we just read one more chapter?" Serenity asks quietly, and it makes Serena grin to herself to know that she is such an intellectual child.

"No, darling," she replies. "Your mum will have me for dinner if I keep you up too long. You don't want to be tired for school tomorrow, do you?" Serenity shrugs her shoulders and Serena sees a darkness in her granddaughter that a child should not possess. She's a torn child, obviously trying to be strong for her mum but her eyes tell the world she's terrified. "What's wrong?" Serena asks, her voice soft and her fingers in the girl's long, thick hair.

"Is my granddad called Edward?" she asks.

Serena lets out a soft laugh. "If you'd been born a long time ago then he would be," she laughs. "I divorced him, sweetheart. You don't have to worry about the idiot."

"No, it's not that..." she trails away. "Is he tall? Does he have blue eyes and grey hair?" It dawns on Serena that the girl's met Edward before, and it worries her. "He was speaking to my dad at Christmas, when we went to the pub."

Serena's heart skips a nervous beat. On Christmas Day, Edward would have been completely out of his head on booze. "Do you know what they were saying?" she says, trying to sound merely interested rather than let her see the anxiety the knowledge dredged up.

Serenity gazes up at her and replies, "Well, they were saying something about a doctor. And my mum. They were speaking about my mummy, and Dad had a piece of paper."

Edward knows. It's the only explanation. "Where was your mum when you saw this?"

"At home. Dad made me go with him."

"Do you know if Edward has ever spoken to your mum?" Serena asks urgently. "Serenity, this is important. Have you ever seen your mum with Edward?"

It's a grudging nod of the head she receives as an initial reply. "In the summer holidays." This is bad. She can imagine Edward, knowingly or otherwise, will have spilled her location to Shayna's husband. Even drunk he will have been more intelligent than to hand out her address to the man as she can only assumes he has done with Shayna, but he will have given him a general idea. And if Shayna's husband is as dangerous as Serena fears, this will end badly. Someone is going to get hurt, and she'll be damned if it ends up any of her daughters or her granddaughter.

"OK," Serena sighs. "Thank you for telling me."

"Am I in trouble, Granny? I didn't mean to-"

"No, no, no," Serena cuts across her gently. "No, you're not in trouble." She clambers off the bed, noting the aching in her joints, and pulls the covers up to Serenity's chin. "Now go to sleep, darling."

"Goodnight," she answers, already sleepy.

"Goodnight."

"Love you, Granny," Serenity calls when Serena reaches the door. It causes her to squeal slightly inside, to know she has people who actually love her all around her.

"I love you too," Serena smiles at her; she turns off the light and closes the door behind her, and she pulls her phone out of her pocket. There's nothing else for it. She's going to have to speak to Edward. As loathe as she is to the idea, she knows he may well have inadvertently put her in danger. How can he be asked about her twice in one year and not twig that something had been going on? Had he actually been in such a drunken state that he hadn't realised the possible implications, or even considered where she and Eleanor fall into this? Is it even possible to be _that_ drunk?

He phone rings and, to her utmost surprise, he sounds reasonably sober when he answers, "Serena?"

"Edward," she huffs, sitting down on the couch while Shayna is unpacking the last box in the living room. "I need you to tell me the truth. Or at least what you can remember of it, OK? It's imperative to my safety, and maybe Eleanor's." He says nothing but she's known him for the best part of thirty years. She knows he understands the importance of the truth here. "When you went on a bender at Christmas – and don't deny it – did you speak to a man about me?"

"Um," he hesitates. "Maybe? I know I spoke about you."

"And this woman you told where to find me last summer, was her name Shayna?" she asks hastily; Shayna looks around at the mention of her name and Serena knows then that she has in fact spoken to Edward. It might as well be tattooed on her forehead for the world to see.

"I swear to God, Serena, I can't remember her name," he tells her; she's undecided as to whether he's telling the truth. He's lied to her before but then she's emphasised what's at stake here. "If I could, you'd be the first to know. It was a stupid thing to do."

"So stupid you decided to do it twice?" Serena drawls, her tone caustic and sarcastic. "What was the man's name at Christmas? Or were you too off your face to remember?"

"Uh, Greg something or other," he says vaguely. "Robertson, maybe?"

"Greg Roberts?" Shayna's face drains white and it's all Serena needs to know to see that Greg must be her own son-in-law. "Right, Edward, you've got to tell me – did you tell him where to find me? What did he say to you?"

"He said his wife was looking for her mum," Edward says. "I can remember that, but not much else. I think I told him you're a doctor in Holby but I don't think I said which hospital. I can remember saying Eleanor was going to university when he started talking about his daughter, too." Not knowing which of Holby's hospitals to search first may hold the man off but it won't be for very long. "Serena, what's going on?"

She can't answer that question as her mind suddenly turns to Eleanor; she is in much trouble as the rest of them if Greg uses her to get to Shayna. "Edward, I need you to something for me. I need you to go and stay with Ellie for a while, or have her stay with you, and, for goodness' sake, whatever you do, stay _sober_."

She hears the ping of Shayna's phone and watches her carefully; her face is frightened as she hands the phone to Serena. _Getting warmer. I will get you back._

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"Edward, can I trust you not to drink?" she evades his question, urgently trying to sort some kind of protection out for Eleanor. She would call the police but she knows from her experience with them on a professional level that there's not a lot they can do until he's laid a finger on one of them. "I need you to have your wits about you."

"I'll do my best," he promises.

"That's not good enough. I need to know I can trust you with Eleanor's safety."

"Alright, alright!" he shouts impatiently. "I'll drive over tonight, OK?!"

"If anything goes bad, if that Greg shows up, you call the police and you do not hesitate," Serena orders him sternly.

"OK, OK. I can't go anywhere if I'm sat here speaking to you," he reminds her. "I'll text you when I get there."

"Thank you." With that, Serena hangs up on him and sighs.

Shayna sits down next to her with a haunted look about her. "He's coming for me," she says, and there's no mistaking the undiluted fear in her voice. "I take it Edward stuck his foot in it with him as well as me."

Serena stares at Shayna. "What exactly happened there?"

"I was sitting in the pub after work, and I was searching the online phone book for Serena McKinnie but I kept drawing a blank. Everyone I called had nothing new to offer me in terms of information. I was losing my patience when this guy spoke to me; he'd been half-cut the whole time I was there, and he told me he married a Serena McKinnie and made her Serena Campbell. He gave me a phone number and your work address when I flirted with him a little bit," she adds guiltily.

"Figures," Serena snorts. "Why didn't you phone me if you had my number?"

"Too much of a risk. I don't know how Greg found out I was looking for you though," she muses. "Guess it's irrelevant now. And now he's here and he's going to find me. Mum..." she says, looking around. Her dark brown eyes are filled with fear and dread when she explains, "I'm sorry for bringing all this to you. I just don't know where else to turn."

Serena sighs a little and puts an arm around Shayna, pulling her into her side. "We'll deal with this, Shayna. When he finds you, we'll be ready. I won't let him drag you down," she promises. She feels the woman's arms wrap around her, her head resting on Serena's shoulder. "It's not taken him long after hearing what Edward has to say, has it?"

"I did wonder why he's not passed out drunk," Shayna admits; Serena rests her chin on her daughter's head and tightens her hold on her slightly. She looks down and sees Shayna's hands locked together as she hugs herself to Serena; the scars are prominent under the light.

"What did he do to your hands?" Serena whispers. Shayna's head turns to look at Serena, who sees the horror in her face, knowing she must be remembering what happened. She hates to see that look on her face, and a wave of protectiveness falls over her, making her yet again want to track Greg down herself and make him pay for what he;'s been doing.

Shayna turns away again before she finally speaks. "When he found out I was pregnant, he got drunk and started a fire. He's always had a thing about open fires. He can sit and stare at one for hours on end without a word. Anyway. He passed out and I went through the fire to get him, and I fell against the burning hot door with the backs of my hands when I was carrying him."

Serena is horrified and she feels a lump building in her throat as she hears the troubles of Shayna's life. "You went back to save the man who tried to kill you?" she sighs. "Why?"

"Because to leave him would have been inhumane," she replies, like it's the simplest thing in the world. "I'm not inhumane. Without humanity, what are we? I won't let another person die, no matter what they've done to me." Despite the lack of cold logic in her explanation, Serena finds she is immensely proud of her daughter for having the strength to rise above evil and cruelty and do the honourable thing.

"It's a wonder you didn't lose Serenity, going through that," Serena comments.

"That baby wasn't Serenity. I lost that baby, but I fell pregnant again a couple of months later," she explains softly. "I don't know why I didn't put a stop to it there and then."

"It's easy to be blinded by love," Serena comforts her. "What matters now is that you're not alone anymore."

"No," Shayna agrees in what comes out in little more than a whisper. "No, I've got my mum now."

Serena falls silent and she can't help but feel some terror for what's becoming increasingly likely – that this horror of a man is going to cross her path in an effort to take control of her daughter; she's never met the man and she already hates him for everything he's ever done to Shayna. Who starts a fire in an attempt to kill his pregnant wife? Does he act out of jealousy? Is he a control-freak? Is her psychotic? Or is this man she's meant to call her son-in-law just plain, pure, perfect evil?

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><p><em>Reviewscomments are welcomed._


	15. Chapter 15

_Apologies in advance for this chapter. Thanks to everyone reading/reviewing._

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><p>Serena stands at the office window, staring across the city, just wondering how close the danger is; for all she knows, he could be just sitting in his car, biding his time, knowing he's scaring the life out of his wife. He must know how much he frightens Shayna.<p>

She jumps when a pair of hands fall onto her upper arms but, thankfully, when she looks around, it's Ric who touches her. "Oh, please don't do that to me," she breathes out, just relieved it's her lover and not her son-in-law. She sees the concern in his eyes and knows she must explain the danger to him, if only he knows why she might be a little jumpy.

But first she allows herself to enjoy the moment and she leans in for a kiss, revelling in the way he can settle her nerves with a touch and a kiss and some words of calm reason. His hands fall from her arms to her hips and he pulls her in carefully. He is fast becoming her sanctuary from the madness, arguably the sanest person in her life. She feels so much lately that she finds compartmentalisation difficult.

But what good is compartmentalisation when her lives can no longer be separated? She accepts now that the years have merged. Both her past and her present are now one and the same, never to be separated again. She feels him pull away slowly. His hands wander to her waist and she lets herself inwardly squeal just as she had done last night, though this time because she hasn't been on the receiving end of this kind of tenderness from a man before. She's always gone for the likes of Edward and Alan, so straight to the point that it hadn't felt like they loved her, even if she always loved them.

But here is Ric, a man she's known, worked with and shared a sometimes intense friendship with. A man she hasn't realised until now that she's completely fallen for. He's kinder than Edward and more level headed than Alan; though she knows his flaws, she trusts him. She trusts he will not try and hurt her, and she knows he's not unintelligent. He knows right and wrong, her ideals of morality personified. She won't pretend he's perfect because there's not a single person on the planet who is, but he's a good man, and she finds she loves him for it. She's always loved him for it, even if she can't always see what the feeling is while it's buried down underneath the irritation some of his imperfections cause her.

It's that love she feels for him the drives her to kiss him hard, backing him up against the closed door, but she knows it won't last long. He will taste her fear and he will stop her but she wants to feel security for even just a little while as everything she's ever known shifts and crumbles at her touch.

As she's already predicted, he stops her. "Serena, what's got into you?" he asks of her. He stares into her face and she returns it defiantly. "You do realise I know when something's not right?" She doesn't want to tell him, to drag him into this mess, but she can see he wants to know what's going on, because, like he says, he can see that something has gone wrong. "Alright. Shayna told me she left her husband. Is it something to do with him?"

Still in his embrace, she guides them away from the door and tries to find the words to tell him that there's trouble on its way. Before she can speak, however, there is a knock at the door, and she and Ric spring apart. "Come in!" she says.

In steps Guy Self, who says, "I hope I'm not interrupting anything." Serena throws him a smile she knows will be terrifyingly sweet, an art she has long mastered. "I want you and a nurse down on AAU, please, Ms. Campbell. Dr. Tressler, Nurse Carter and Adele Effanga appear to have eaten the same dodgy curry last night so they're severely understaffed. Perhaps your daughter can assist you; she seems to handle the pressure well. Colette has been singing her praises."

"Like mother like daughter," Ric remarks with a smile. "I'm sure Raf and I can manage, Guy."

"Yes, what _are_ you doing up here, Ric?" Guy quizzes him, and Serena suppresses a smile when Ric is left to shift his weight uncomfortably.

"Um, what about Keller?" asks Serena.

"It's reasonably quiet and Dr. Levy and his minions are capable of refraining from destroying the place for a few hours."

Serena raises her hands and grabs her phone from the desk; she and Ric follow Guy until they part at the lifts. "Shayna!" she calls across to her. "You're with us on AAU, darling!" Shayna dashes over and Ric holds the lift for her. "More need _he_ go and do a stint on AAU, see how he likes it," Serena grumbles in the safe confines of the lift. She realises too late she sounds a bit petulant. He smiles and reaches around her to rub her hip lightly, and she turns and beams at him despite her worries. She sees Shayna smirk to herself but doesn't stop Ric; she doesn't want any secrets from Shayna. They've had enough of that already.

She's heard from Edward this morning, and she's been open with Shayna about him, telling her that he's not the best person to protect Eleanor but there really isn't much of an option. She only hopes there is no need for Edward to do anything but stay in her flat and lie to her; the latter is something she knows comes as easy as air for him.

Ric removes his hand from her body as the doors to AAU open, revealing the madness ahead. She doesn't really expect anything less, but it still makes her groan. She's only just got her feet out of the lift when Raf approaches. "George Johnson, thirty-five years old," he says. "Bed five. Says he's got severe abdo pain and hasn't passed water for three days. Can you take a look at him, Ms. Campbell? And I'd like an experienced nurse with him as well. He's a wee bit...edgy."

"I can handle edgy," Shayna smiles brightly. Serena feels her daughter's hand on her back, guiding her into the middle of the madness. "Come on, Mum. Just a few hours."

"Kill me now," Serena mutters; it makes Shayna laugh. "I _hate_ AAU," she admits, approaching bed five.

She looks around for Shayna but she stands frozen, staring at the doors. Serena follows her gaze and sees a bed being wheeled in, Raf di Lucca barking out orders to Colette Sheward and a young registrar. A nurse runs over to help and Serena soon sees what's frozen Shayna.

On that bed lies an unconscious Serenity, and it's the first thought that comes into Serena's head to take Shayna's hand and pull her forward. "Ms. Campbell," Raf greets her. She doesn't speak, too horrified by what she sees before her. Serenity's face is bruised and swollen, her school shirt marred red with blood. "Ms. Campbell?" he repeats himself urgently.

"My granddaughter," she whispers hoarsely, squeezing Shayna's hand tightly. "Serenity Roberts. Shayna's daughter, my granddaughter. What the hell happened?!"

"Car crash," Raf says. "The driver's not far behind. Male, thirty-four years old. He's trapped in the car but as far as I know, he's only got minor injuries." Serena knows immediately what's happened, and she knows Shayna knows it too; it leaves her torn between fear and relief. Fear that she will lose her granddaughter and relief that her scatterbrain of an ex-husband doesn't need to protect Ellie, since the man is here.

"Keep him away from her," is Shayna's immediate and earnest reaction. "Raf, keep him away from Serenity, from me, from Mum and from Ric." How does she know that Ric needs protected too? He does – of course he does, because he's involved by association with Serena – but it seems to be Shayna's natural reaction to take him into account.

Colette is passing him a needle when he replies, "I'll do my best, but I need you to clear a bed. I'll try and get him kept on the ED, OK? And Ms. Campbell, you _know_ you can't treat your own granddaughter so don't try anything." The warning is one she heeds, unwilling to let her frightened heart rule her confused head to put Serenity's health in danger. Ric runs over and assesses the situation. "We need to get her stabilised," Raf says to him. Shayna goes with them, saying nothing, concerned now about being a mother rather than a nurse.

As Ric turns away, she grabs his wrist. He turns back to her and she steps closer to him until they are mere inches apart, her hand on his chest. "She's my granddaughter, Ric," she tells him quietly. He looks around at Serenity and back to Serena in slight shock. She realises she's getting a few funny looks for her stance next to Ric but she doesn't care; he's a quiet assurance, and right now she has no qualms about admitting she needs him.

"OK, keep calm, Serena," he answers her, knowing she's panicking inside. His hand falls onto her upper arm and rubs gently. "Just discharge everyone who can be discharged, transfer everyone you can; free up some space. No heroics. I'll keep you posted once we know what kind of condition she's in," he promises her. She nods and lets him briefly hug her tight before he half-jogs over to Serenity's bed.

Serena goes to bed five and examines him, deciding he can go up to Keller and give the minions something to fight over. In half an hour she's managed to clear about a third of the patients out of AAU, either discharging them or admitting them to other wards that aren't overstretched, understaffed and dealing with a car accident.

The doors swing open again and a man is wheeled in on a trolley; she recognises his eyes to be passed on to Serenity, a startling shade of green. In a heartbeat, she takes a risk she knows she shouldn't. "Alright, thank you," she smiles, taking the chart from the nurse, who rattles off his vitals to her. "And you are?" she asks the man. Completely unnecessary, of course.

"If you'd ever learnt to read then you'd know, you silly cow," he snaps, wincing as he clutches his side.

"Well, excuse me for trying to make conversation!" she exclaims. "After quarter of a century in this profession, I've found distraction can be a good painkiller."

"Yeah?" he snarls. "So is morphine."

"Charming," she sighs. "Right, bed three," she orders the nurse. It's well out of the sight of Serenity and Shayna; she has considered the side room but she wants him where she can keep an eyes on him. She doesn't trust this man as far as she can kick him. "So, Mr. Roberts," she says, pulling on latex gloves. "What's happened to you?"

"Crashed the car," he curtly replies. She lifts his t-shirt and she doesn't even need to feel to know he's probably cracked his ribs against the steering wheel. "Have you got a Serenity Roberts in here?" he asks her.

"Um, sorry, but we can't give out details of other patients," she reels off her get-out clause.

"She's my daughter."

Serena falls silent, examining him carefully and slowly, relishing the pain she causes him when he winces. She knows Edward is right – she's got a cruel streak, and she saves the worst of it for people like Greg, who have earned condemnation on every level imaginable. "Looks like cracked ribs, for which we can do very little but give you painkillers. I'm sending you for an x-ray to make sure that's the only damage, and I'll take your bloods to make sure your internal organs are functioning properly. I'll get a nurse to do that for you."

The nurse nods and Serena walks away, closing her eyes to the world for a moment. That's the single stupidest thing she's ever done. She knows he's trouble. She knows he's dangerous. But still she interacts with him, never letting him know she's his mother-in-law, carefully refraining from telling him her name.

Ric approaches when she opens her eyes, and she can't tell what news he brings solely from the look on his face.

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><p><em>Reviewscomments are always welcome._


	16. Chapter 16

_Thank you, as ever, to everyone reading/reviewing!_

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><p>Shayna stands at Serenity's bedside as a nurse wipes the blood and dirt from her swollen face, peeling her stained white shirt from her body and cleaning the more minor wounds. She could kill Greg; she's always thought he is ethical enough not to involve their daughter in this sick game he plays. She realises suddenly that Ric and Serena wouldn't know him to see him. What if they end up treating him?<p>

She turns to find Ric returning, his hand on Serena's back. Shayna expects Serena to keep her distance – she seems fearful and uncertain – but she doesn't. Instead she can feel herself pulled into her mother's secure embrace. "Mum," she whispers. She can't find any other words apart from 'Mum.' She turns in Serena's arms to look at her knocked out daughter.

"We can't wait for any tests. She's got a massive internal bleed from somewhere," Ric says. Shayna feels sick to her stomach.

"Exploratory surgery," Serena murmurs.

Ric nods his head gently and Shayna stares straight at him, unable to feel anything that isn't sheer terror from the state of her daughter and the man who put her in it. "There's no seat belt bruise," Shayna mutters as she stares at Serenity's bare chest. "She _always_ wears her seat belt. I never even have to tell her to!"

She doesn't miss the look Serena exchanges with Ric; something is far wrong here, aside from the fact her daughter is lying, fighting for her life, in AAU. "I need your permission to take her into theatre, Shayna," Ric says to her. Shayna can only nod, trusting easily that Ric knows what he's doing and what is best for his patient. "Right, I want you two to stay here. You're not to treat any patients and you are _not_ to go near theatre. Do you understand me?"

Serena looks like she wants so desperately to argue with him but she holds her tongue, and Shayna knows it's only for her sake that her mum doesn't kick up a fuss over him ordering her what to do. "Yes," Serena says rigidly. "But I need a word with you first."

She watches Ric put his arm around Serena's waist. Not her shoulders or upper back as a friend would do, but her waist, as a lover would do. She's glad her mother has found someone to love her, to treat her well. By all accounts, neither Shayna's father nor Eleanor's had treated Serena with much care, love or respect. But it's easy for Shayna to see that Ric loves Serena deeply, maybe because he has been her best friend before becoming her lover.

She only wishes Greg can love her like Ric loves Serena; all she's ever had from him is manipulation and abuse of every kind. And now her daughter, the girl she's always sworn to protect, is lying in a hospital bed at his hands.

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><p>Serena pulls Ric into the corridor, right into the corner, next to the vending machine. "Greg Roberts," she hisses. "He's Shayna's husband. He did this."<p>

"I'll inform the police," Ric tells her, his hand falling onto her shoulder in an act of comfort and support. She nods, knowing they will appear anyway since it's a car crash and a serious one at that. "Hand him over to another doctor. I'll get Guy to come down and lend a hand."

Serena scoffs at the very idea. "Like he will, too."

"He's not got a choice, and he can take Sacha Levy and Bonnie Wallis down to help while he's at it. Or call someone else in. I don't know and I don't care how he'll do it, but I will not have your granddaughter being treated on an understaffed ward." His assertive rant touches Serena; it tells her he will fight for her and for her family. "I will do everything in my power for her, Serena." She nods her head and kisses him gently, letting her face rest against his for only a moment's comfort.

"Go," she whispers to him. She knows he's not keen on leaving her and Shayna on the ward. "Go. We'll be fine." He squeezes her waist lightly and walks away, looking back at her with worried eyes. Her legs take her to her daughter without thought; he mind wanders to Edward and Eleanor, and she notes she should probably call him and tell him he can stand down. She can't help but be thankful for the small mercy that she's not had to rely properly on Edward.

As Serenity is wheeled away, Shayna starts to crack. Serena can see her tears forming, her heart breaking and her mind reeling. She reminds herself to remain unbreakable, for her daughter's sake. The last thing Shayna needs is for her mother to fail her yet again. Their hands join and their fingers interlock, and Serena guides them to the staffroom – the long way around. She can't risk crossing paths with Greg as he waits to be taken to x-ray. She knows she can't hide his presence for long, but she wants to tell Shayna calmly rather than have her shocked by seeing him.

She sits Shayna down and puts the kettle on, trying to figure out how to tell her the truth before she sees it for herself, and how to do so without making her freak out. "If he's killed her, I'll kill him," Shayna promises. Serena doesn't doubt it's a promise she will keep. "I swear to God, Mum."

Serena sighs and stands at her child's back, squeezing her shoulders in an effort to relax her a little. "Ric is one of the most experienced surgeons I've ever met. Serenity's in the best of hands." She leans down and presses her face into Shayna's hair. How can her life take so many turns in so little time? She loses, she gains, she loses again. It's a vicious cycle, and she thinks now that it's her that's the biggest problem here.

Serena makes some strong, sweet, milky tea and sits next to Shayna. "You're holding something back," Shayna accuses throatily. Serena stares into her cup for a moment as she considers how best to voice it. "What're you holding back, Mum?"

Serena looks up. "Don't panic," she commands gently. Shayna tenses nonetheless, and it takes effort for Serena to tell her, "Greg is on the ward. He doesn't know you're here, he doesn't know where Serenity is and he doesn't know who I am, but he's here." It takes only a split second for Shayna's anger and hatred to boil over and for her to jump to her feet, nearly spilling her tea as she does so. Before she can be stopped, she storms past Serena, who tries and fails to grab her hand to halt or at least slow her down. "Shayna!" she shouts after her.

The fear, she sees, has turned to sheer hatred.

She has to run, really run, to catch up with her daughter; the sixteen year advantage gives Shayna a head start. She is almost out of breath when she manages to reach out and spin Shayna around to face her.

"Don't do this, sweetheart," she implores solemnly. "Let the police deal with him."

"He always crawls out of it!" Shayna protests. "He even managed to get out of trouble after burning the house down!" She grabs Serena's arms with such force that it actually hurts. "Don't you get it? There's no stopping him unless I confront him." A shot of hatred runs straight through Serena for the man who has reduced her daughter, her flesh and blood, to a being of fear and of anger. Shayna walks away and Serena has to follow.

Greg is lying with his head back on the pillow and his eyes closed. Shayna kicks the bed and his eyes open suddenly, revealing the bright green he shares with his daughter. "What are you doing here?" Greg demands; it's obvious to Serena what kind of relationship they share. Greg thinks he owns Shayna. Anyone with a brain stem and a pair of eyes can see that.

"Well, I _was_ working until _you_ hospitalised my daughter," Shayna snarls. "Tell me, how did you get her to take off her seatbelt?"

His smirk is sickening and for a second, Serena shares Shayna's desire to knock his block off. She's never felt so angry. Not even with Edward, and she's felt positively murderous towards him before. "She's a good girl. Does as she's told," he replies. Without warning, Shayna's temper breaks and she lunges for Greg, but even injured he is quicker. He's on his feet in seconds, his hands grabbing Shayna's scrubs at the chest. Serena's arms wrap around her waist as she yanks the woman from his grasp, moving to protectively stand in front of her. "And who do you think you are, you snobby cow?" he growls. "This is between me and my wife."

"Oh, I haven't introduced myself," she drawl sarcastically. "Serena Campbell. Your mother-in-law."

He steps forward and takes Serena by the shirt just as she has just watched him do to Shayna, and her first thought is that he's going to smack her. "Don't you dare walk into our lives and start playing Mummy."

"I'm not walking into your life," she says calmly, very much aware that everyone is watching now. "I haven't walked into anyone's life. Shayna has walked back into _my_ life. She needs _me_, not some macho, arrogant idiot who thinks it makes him a big man to abuse her. It doesn't make you big or tough to keep beating her down. It makes you a bully, and I don't like bullies. You are nothing but an evil, pathetic, despicable creature. You don't deserve to have my daughter for a wife and you most definitely do not deserve to be a father."

She is shocked when a hand flies across her cheek, stinging her skin and swelling her cheek. She puts her fingers to her mouth and isn't at all surprised to find she is bleeding. She sees now how he manages to snap Shayna's temper, and she can't help but push him backwards, away from about her. His reaction is to lurch towards her to try and grab her, but Guy Self is suddenly there, dragging Greg back, and Colette is in front of her with her hand on Serena's shoulder to stop her from going for Greg. She holds Greg's stare relentlessly, never allowing her physical fear to diminish what she knows – her mentality is stronger than his.

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><p>Ric looks up when the intercom crackles; Guy is standing there with a concern and slightly dazed look on his face. "Mum and Granny want an update," he says.<p>

"We've found the bleed. Attempting to repair it now," Ric answers. "She's not out of the woods yet but it looks like she can make a good recovery." Guy nods, and Ric doesn't like the look on his face. Raf is standing on the other side of the operating table, and he sees that the Scot sees something has happened as well. "What's happened, Guy?"

He sighs, "There was a bust up on AAU between a patient Serena and Shayna."

Ric's been expecting that much but it doesn't make him worry any less. If his impressions are right then Shayna's husband should be locked up and the key thrown away. And as for Serena – he's never expected her not to try and intervene. Her logic and foresight goes out the window when it comes to her children; he's watched it happen before with Eleanor. Between her daughter being frightened, her violent son-in-law in her midst and her granddaughter critically injured in theatre, being operated on by the man he knows she considers her lover, he can only imagine the strain Serena must be under.

"This patient would happen to be Shayna's husband, by any chance?" Ric guesses.

"I'd hazard a guess, yes," the CEO admits. "It's all calmed down for now, but I can see it happening again. He's quite the piece of work. He came a fair smack of Serena."

"What?!" Ric demands instantly. Feeling a tight knot in his stomach for her safety, he wonders how hard the man had hit Serena, and why. He cares more about the woman than he dreamt possible when he had first met her.

"Yeah, he hit her across the face; apparently she was protecting Shayna. She's fine though. Colette's patching her up." He looks at his watch and adds, "I'd better get back on the ward." With that he walks away, leaving Ric to look at Raf.

"Well," Raf says. "You know what they say about a mother bear and her cubs."

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><p><em>Reviews and comments are always welcomed.<em>


	17. Chapter 17

_Thanks to everyone who reads/reviewed - it's always appreciated._

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><p>Serena sits as Colette wipes the blood from her face and assesses how much damage Greg has done. Shayna is absolutely livid; Serena's seen that exact same look in her daughter's eyes in her own reflection. "I'll kill him," she threatens for what must be the dozenth time.<p>

"Is he really worth getting locked up over?" Serena challenges gently. "Let him dig his own hole." She flinches as the wound on her lips is being cleaned, causing it to sting. "Security are here now. He can't touch you."

"It's not me I'm worried about!" she snaps. "He's capable of much worse than bursting your lip open, Mum!"

"Calm down," Colette advises. "What is it you think he might do to your mum?" Serena glances around at Shayna and sees there is no simple answer. There's nothing simple anymore apart from one thing: love. She loves her daughters, she loves her granddaughter and she's decided she may just love Ric as well. As long as they are together then they have something, even if it's not much, to fight the fear they all feel.

Shayna folds her arms and says, "Well, now she's riled him, there's not much he won't do to her. She's made herself a threat to him." She sits on the edge of the round table, and Serena holds her stare. "What am I going to do?" she sighs, her head in her hands. "Running from him isn't working, is it? He's always going to find me in the end." Serena can't say anything remotely useful so she reaches out and takes Shayna's hand. "He's evil. That's all he is."

Colette hands Serena some painkillers and a cup of tea, since she had abandoned her first one, and tells her, "You're going to need those." She smiles and leaves them, and Serena feels torn between being sensible and protecting her family. That she may lose them just as she's got them back is terrifying, because she very much believes that Greg would go to the lengths Shayna claims he would.

Raf walks in and he's immediately loud and concerned. "I hear the mighty Ms. Campbell got in a wee fight," he says, opening the biscuit tin and taking a couple of custard creams. "Ugh, I am absolutely starving! Oh, Serenity should make a full recovery, by the way. Proper little fighter, just like her granny."

"And her mum," Serena adds with a slight smile of relief. "Where is she?"

"In the side room. Mr. Griffin decided she's better away from her father," Raf explains. "Especially since there's some doubt as to whether or not the crash was an accident."

"What?" Shayna says.

"Well, the police said that there were eye-witnesses who have told them he never hit the brakes and he was shifting gears," Raf said. "It sounds like he deliberately drove into the wall." Serena feels sick. How can someone do that to their own child, no matter what state their relationship with the child's mother is? She wants to snap his pathetic little neck.

"He might have been using the brakes," Shayna allows. "It's needing three front brake pipes. So says the garage, anyway. Maybe he was trying to get the brakes to work."

Serena huffs slightly, wondering now of Greg had actually set out to kill Serenity.

"I'll...uh, I'll get Mr. Griffin for you, Ms. Campbell. I'm sure he's going to want to see for himself that you're OK." Serena blushes slightly when she realises that he's figured out what is going on between her and Ric.

Raf smiles and leaves them alone, and Shayna turns around and hugs her mum in sheer joy and relief, and they escape the threat outside for just a moment. Serena kisses Shayna's cheek and squeezes her tight. The affinity between them is strengthened by the fight ahead of them. She doesn't doubt there is more venom left in Greg. If Shayna says there is, then there is. She's the one who has lived this nightmare she calls a marriage, and she knows her husband.

The door opens and Ric walks in, shutting it gently behind him. He immediately walks towards Serena so she releases Shayna and faces him. "I take it he's not that badly injured then," Ric comments when he sees the state of her face.

"More's the pity," grumbles Shayna. Serena winces as Ric's fingers trace her lip and her face, taking in the bruising that's already forming.

"Must've been some slap," Ric says. Serena reluctantly nods, acknowledging the strength and the force she's found herself on the receiving end of. "Why did he do it?"

"I told him some home truths I don't think he much appreciated," she replies. She sees he's worried, and she doesn't stop him this time. He should be worried. They all should be. "How's Serenity?" she asks.

Ric smiles slightly. "She's been through a lot of trauma but it looks like we've fixed the bleed. She should pull through," he informs her. It's not over but there's been no fatalities. She doesn't realise until she actually looks, but her arms hang over the back of his shoulders, their bodies only inches apart. She doesn't even think about it; being with Ric is as simple as breathing, as easy as air.

"Thank you," Shayna says hoarsely. "Thank you, Ric."

"She's a tough little girl," he smiles. "I'm starting to think it's in the genes." Shayna just smirks as he adds, "You can go and see her if you want. She's in the side room." Shayna nods and walks away, leaving Serena with Ric and a million reckless, dangerous, life-threatening thoughts in her head. She knows Ric won't go out there and smack Greg for smacking her, and she's thankful; it would only escalate the issue and get Ric into bother.

It hits Serena that she needs to stand up and protect her daughter, but she knows convention doesn't work here. Shayna's already tried convention.

She feels a need to tell Ric how she feels about him, a niggling thought in her head telling her that he needs to know should anything happen to her. She doesn't know why she does, but she can't help but feel like Greg isn't through with her. He sees her as an obstacle between him and his wife and child, and an obstacle Serena knows he must wish to destroy.

"Ric," she whispers. "I need to say something, alright? Just listen to me. It's important." He nods his head, and his hands are resting on her waist as he steps closer to her, closing what little gap there is between them. "I need you to know that I love you," she says. "I've loved you for months and months, maybe even well over a year, and never realised it. I need you to know that."

He stares at her for a moment, his expression unreadable; she regrets saying it now but she can't take it back. She's said it once before and immediately chickened out, retracting it and saying she hadn't meant what her heart really had felt. "I love you," he replies, as if it's blatantly obvious. She exhales, completely relieved she's not made herself look like a moron. She kisses him hard, ignoring the pain it causes her lip and cheek, because he is more important. He leans into her and she finds herself bending backwards ever so slightly as his weight is greater than hers.

It's the most intense moment of passion she's ever felt and yet it's the safest she's ever felt with a man. The feel of his lips moving in time with hers is a comfort and a motivator to defend what she's building. She feels momentarily guilty for taking this so selfishly when there are people that need her, but it's as much for Ric as it is for her, because she needs him to understand in case she can't tell him in the future.

He backs her up and lifts her by the thighs until she's sitting on the table, her arms around his neck and his hands on her back. She needs this. She's never truly needed this before – she's definitely used men before, and she's definitely found some kind of comfort in them, but this feels so different. It feels natural. It feels like it should just be.

She pulls away, short of breath, and she touches his face. "Are you OK?" he asks her, his voice softly caring. She doesn't answer but she makes a snap decision. The next time Greg Roberts comes near her, she's going to make sure they both regret it. It's reckless and it's a risky path to take, but she knows the police won't be able to make it stick with only an indirect attack using a car, if it was an attack at all.

She knows the rational thing would be to wait for the police to investigate and find a way to charge him, but she wants it set in stone.

Ric's face changes and she knows he's seen she's overthinking something. "Whatever you're thinking of doing to him, Serena, don't," he warns her. "I know he's hurt you, and Shayna and Serenity, but it's not worth throwing away everything you've only just got back." He's right, and she knows it, but she's not got the calm foresight he has.

She's not able to tell him she won't do anything they both know is stupid, because it's her family involved here. Instead, she says, "I've got to call Edward, tell him he can go home." He nods and kisses her once more. When he walks away from her, she is left sitting upon the table on which he has placed her, and she stares at the floor for a few minutes.

Is this her trying to make up for all the years she wasn't there to protect Shayna? She's done with standing idly by. She needs to do something to stop this once and for all, before it completely gets out of control. She needs to steer what happens in the right direction. If left to his own devices, she knows Greg will eventually wear Shayna down just as Edward wears Serena down, and she will end up back in his arms just as Serena had ended up in Edward's arms. She knows how it goes. She knows how easy it is to feel weak in the shadow of someone who has their heart in a cage and their mind in shackles, blinding them to all the evil that someone might be capable of.

She pulls out her phone and dials Edward's number. When he answers, she's instantly disgusted. He's been drinking, even after being told how important it is that he doesn't. "I was going to say you can stand down, but it sounds like you already have," she drawls out at him. "How drunk _are_ you?"

"I've had one glass of wine, darling," he says to her, and it makes her give a very unladylike snort.

"One bottle, more like," she snaps. "Even after I told you how crucial it is that you stay sober, you go and get yourself in this state!" she says, her voice rising as she starts to lose her temper. "Have you not learned that you're a total idiot when you're drunk?!"

She hears him grumble something under his breath but she doesn't quite catch what he says, and she realises she probably doesn't want to know. "I'm sorry," Edward says.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she dismisses. "Is Ellie OK?"

"Yeah, she's fine. She's away at a lecture just now," he explains. "What's going on?" he asks.

Serena sighs and tries to find a way to say what's happening without actually telling him she's lied to him for the time she's known him. "There's a man who I thought might try and hurt Eleanor to get to me, but he's here, so she's safe."

"Are you alright?" is his immediate question.

"Yeah, yeah. Fine," she lies. "If you're going home, get Eleanor to drive you tonight, OK?" As much as the man frustrates her, she doesn't want him to drunkenly crash his car.

"OK," he agrees. "She's not got a lecture tomorrow anyway."

They say their goodbyes and hang up, and it leaves Serena to contemplate what she's going to do. She gets off the table and steadily walks out the door and onto the ward. She watches Greg from the door, where he can't see her, and she resolves to ensure he doesn't get the chance to manipulate Shayna into going back to him. He's poison.

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><p><em>Comments and reviews are welcomed.<em>


	18. Chapter 18

_And this is where it starts getting ugly. Thanks, as usual, to everyone reading and reviewing._

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><p>Serena sits at the AAU nurses' station and stares at Greg from across the ward. She can't stand the thought of Shayna taking Serenity home to him, or the thought that he may not be punished for his actions. Seeing the evil in his eyes, she has banished the doubt that the crash was an accident. Unfortunately, though, she knows he may well not be prosecuted. Shayna says the brake pipes had needed replacing, so he could just say the brakes failed and the mechanical evidence will back him up.<p>

It's sickening how he seems to worm out of everything, never facing the consequences of all he's done. There must be some kind of ability in him to always be the best liar, making the truth feel like a lie, even to the wife who's stayed with him through a decade of hell. It's a sudden thought that Shayna must have been marrying Greg around the same age that Serena married Edward. She sees now that had she been older and wiser, she would never have married Edward. But she had been running from her past and he had managed to convince her their future had been bright.

At the time, that had been perfectly true. Their future had been bright and perhaps a little crazy, and she had loved him. In a way, she still loves Edward and she doubts she will ever stop, but she knows that kind of love isn't paradise. It's poisonous hell, and it could destroy both of them if they ever act on it again.

But Edward isn't evil. He's stupid and he's reckless and he's selfish, but he's not the evil she sees in her son-in-law. The difference between him and Greg is that Edward never sets out to hurt people, but his actions cause him to hurt the people he loves and who love him. Greg, however, isn't like Edward. She had seen the ill intent in his eyes when his hands had grabbed onto Shayna's scrubs, and when he had struck Serena.

The evidence in the difference is that she can love Edward despite his flaws, but all she can find for Greg is hatred.

The buzzer for Greg's bed sounds and Serena looks around. All the nurses look extremely wary of tending to him, and Serena sighed and got to her feet. "Oh, um, I'll see to him, Ms. Campbell," Mary-Claire offers, starting to walk towards him.

Serena stops her, her hand on the redhead's shoulder. "I can handle him."

"But-"

"Damage control," Serena explains with a slight smile. "I don't want him taking a chunk out of you as well."

"So, what? Just let him have another pop at you?!" Mary-Claire demands, her tone revealing her shock and disgust at the idea. "I don't think so! He _hates_ you."

"I know he does," Serena admits. "You've got to trust me, Mary-Claire. I don't trust him not to turn on you," she lies. Of course, that is partly the truth, but she also wants the chance to analyse the man, to find his weaknesses and how much she can exploit them. She can feel the trepidation and disapproval radiating from the nurse.

Mary-Claire seems far from convinced, and that she is concerned reminds Serena that the people here do care about her, even if she has a tendency to forget that. She pats the young woman's shoulder and heads towards Greg. "How can I help?" she asks politely.

"I need the bathroom and this numb nuts won't let me go," he snapped, pointing at the security guard. She looks around at the tall, burly man.

"That's because we need to keep an eye on you until your bloods come back," Serena explains what would be the case if he hadn't displayed aggression towards her and towards Shayna. "I'll see if I can find someone to take you." He nods but doesn't thank her, leaving her to walk away from him.

Maybe the only way to take him down is for her to go down with him. If she never gets back up then at least he will lose his freedom and Shayna and Serenity will gain theirs. Maybe that is what is best.

So she will not search for a nurse.

She strides up to the side room but stops at the door; she closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths. Letting them see her nerves and fear could be the undoing of them all. To them, nothing must be amiss. Everything must be running smoothly, even if all hell is about to break loose, and she the one to set it free.

Opening the door quietly, she sees Serenity lying in the bed with Shayna sitting next to her and Ric standing beside Shayna, explaining the ins and outs of Serenity's treatment. "I think it's going to get a little crowded in here," Ric says with a glance at Serena. "I'll give you a moment." He touches Serena's shoulder as he passes, and the door shuts quietly.

"How is she?" Serena asks. She steps in front of Shayna and places her hand on Serenity, cupping her palm over her forehead. The girl is so innocent and yet she's experienced so much, even having her father attempt to kill her by driving into a wall.

"Ric seems to be sure she's going to be alright," Shayna replies, and Serena hears the relief and the fear in her voice; Serenity recovering means it will not be long before Greg begins his assault on Shayna's strength of will and mind.

Serena turns to her, seeing she is frightened beyond belief. "And how are you?" Serena asks her.

"I'll be OK. I always am."

The reply startles Serena, as it's been her mantra for her whole life. Even without the nurture, nature has made Shayna frighteningly like her mother, in looks and in mind. "I love you, Shayna. You, Eleanor and Serenity. I love you all," she says, realising that if this goes wrong, it may be the last time she can say it. She knows Ric will tell Eleanor this, and Eleanor already knows better than Shayna does the love she holds for her.

"I know, Mum," Shayna says, standing up and straightening her scrubs. She reaches out and Serena can feel the woman's fingers on her face. "I love you too." Serena pulls Shayna into a cuddle, breathing in the smell of cherry blossom, make up and watermelon shampoo. She presses her face into her daughter's neck as she feels Shayna's arms around her, pulling her close. She doesn't know this might be the last time. If she had her way, she would stand like this for a thousand years.

They pull away at the same time and Serena turns back to Serenity; she bends down and kisses her granddaughter's bruised cheek. She says nothing more as she walks out of the room, closing the door and closing her eyes, trying not to let the fear make her cry. When she opens her eyes she sees Ric, and she rushes towards him. Turning him around by the arm, she feels he is a warm being, warmer than her, and she remembers with adoration the night she discovered just what kind of a man he is. Them being together is only a formality; she's loved him for a long time, never able to act on it for fear of the consequences.

He searches her face for a moment but he doesn't get the chance to speak – she kisses him fiercely in the middle of AAU. She doesn't care who sees or who whispers. "I love you," she says, the statement completely sincere.

He looks bewildered but he replies, "I love you."

She kisses him one last time, letting her face press against his for a moment after she pulls away. She strides away, and she almost walks straight into Guy in her focus to try and get to Greg. "Ric tells me your granddaughter's going to pull through," he says.

"Yes," she stiffly answers him. "He caught the bleed."

Guy nods and allows her a small smile; as much as the man frustrates her, the fact he has shown any care at all for her can be seen as a slight redemption for the way he's been treating her in recent weeks. He walks away, leaving the path to her son-in-law clear. She approaches the bed and says, "Well, there are no nurses available right now, and Mr. Griffin, Mr, Self and Mr. di Lucca are busy. Looks like you're stuck with me." He doesn't look impressed but he stands up anyway, groaning as he does so. The security guard begins to follow but Serena says to him, "We'll only be a few minutes." She does so with a glare even the security guard will not argue with.

Serena walks side by side with Greg, leading him to the men's bathrooms. She goes in with him and he locks himself in a stall; pulling out her phone, she starts it on video record and places it atop the tiled counter, leaning into the corner, the camera facing the door. As she steps away from it, she hears him call out, "So what's my darling wife been saying?"

"Just that you've treated her like dirt for ten years," she answers him back, knowing it will rile him. "Oh, and you're trying to make Serenity like you."

He laughs and the sound sends frightened tingles down her spine. "What Shayna doesn't realise is that Serenity is already like me," he explains to her. The toilet flushes and the door opens, and he washes his hands, his back to Serena's phone. "Serenity is strong like me. I don't want her becoming like her mother, weak and pathetic."

"Shayna's not weak," Serena snaps.

"You've not known her as long as I have," he points out; the reminder of her absence in Shayna's life stings. She knows she's not been there and she doesn't need him to tell her that. "She's weak. But she's like you. She's got a temper, so I have to keep her under the thumb."

"Or you could just not provoke her." He dries his hands and Serena holds his stare. "She's not going back to you, Greg," she assures him. Making herself an obstacle, she asserts she will stand in his way and stop him taking her daughter for his own. "I've had to give her up once because someone was intent on destroying her. I won't let you take her from me."

"Yeah?" he demands aggressively, coming to stand in front of her. "You and what army?"

Serena lets out a bitter laugh. "I've never needed an army," she informs him.

Before she can say or do anything, there's a hand around her neck, pressing her to the back wall, depriving her of air. "You need one now, and where are they?" he growls at her. "You and Shayna, you're one and the same. You're too easy to control." He shoves her forcefully into the wall and she gasps for air, feeling weak and lightheaded, his hand bruising into her throat. "You're going to walk away from her, because I can look after her better than you can."

"I...won't..." she gasps out, sacrificing what little oxygen she has left. He drops his hand and she finds she is panting for air. "You can't...you can't win."

"I _will_ win," he contradicts her. "I will win because you're not going to be here."

"You're not getting rid of me that easily," she fights back. She needs him to say it. She needs him to say he's going to kill her. A knee connects with her stomach, causing her to moan and leaving her doubled over with the pain of it.

He leans down and snarls at her, "I wouldn't count on it. How dare you start playing Mummy after thirty-two years? She's not yours. Serenity's not yours. They're mine."

"I won't leave her," she asserts yet again, groaning through the pain.

"Then I'm going to have to kill you," he says. She feels a bizarre kind of joy as his hand collides with the side of her face, knocking her to the floor. She tries to get back up but he kicks her in the ribs, forcing her to fall back down. He kicks her again with no mercy, and she can't help crying out as the blow hits her.

She won't fight back anymore; she needs him to destroy her. It's her last sacrifice for her children and her grandchild.

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><p><em>Reviews and comments are always welcomed.<em>


	19. Chapter 19

_Just going to go and hide from Lee and Katie now. Thanks again to everyone reading/reviewing._

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><p>Ric stands talking to Colette, organising cover for Shayna while Serenity is in need to of care. He doesn't want the entire responsibility falling on Serena; though she would welcome the time with her granddaughter and do what is needed of her, it would put an enormous strain on her, because she will always try and work at the same time. She's already proven she has a tendency to bite off more than she can chew, both professionally and personally.<p>

"Yeah, of course," Colette agrees. "I'm sure Mary-Claire and Jonny won't mind a couple extra shifts on Keller, and I'm more than happy to pitch in. Zosia, Dom and Arthur will just have to get their backsides in gear as well."

"Thank you," Ric smiles at her. "I know Serena would never say as much, but this is extraordinarily difficult for her."

Guy approaches and says, "She's a tough cookie. That girl is lucky to have her for a granny." It surprises Ric to hear Guy compliment Serena, since he knows they are hardly the best of friends. It makes Ric smile to know that even Guy Self sees the worth in Serena, even if she doesn't always see it herself. "Especially since you're all living a stone throw away from each other."

Raf joins them and adds, "As the Italians say, 'When nothing is going well, call your grandmother.'"

Again, Ric smiles as they all see the bright love within Serena, the love she seems hell bent on disguising. Why she does that, he can't claim to fully understand; she is a strange woman, but intriguing and beautiful, intelligent and devious, protective and loving. He sees that better now than he as ever done. Colette smiles to herself and Ric can tell what she's thinking – that it's about time Guy managed to say something positive about Serena.

A man from security strides towards them with a troubled look on his face; Ric turns to him to see there is something very much amiss. "Mr. Griffin, I don't want to cause undue concern, but Ms. Campbell took Greg Roberts to the toilets quarter of an hour ago and they're not back yet." A sickening wave of fear falls over Ric; what is she playing at, going anywhere with that man? He exchanges glances with Colette, Raf and Guy, and the men follow him as he jogs to the toilets. He tries to open the door but it's locked.

Raf hastily pushes Guy and Ric out of the way, ramming his body into the door until the lock buckles under the strain and the door flies open. The first sight that Ric sees is Greg standing over a barely conscious Serena. The only noises she makes are sounds of agony and acute trauma – groans and whimpers. He can see the blood pouring from her mouth and nose, him kicking her over and over again. Ric can only watch in horror as Raf and the security guard drag Greg away from her, giving Ric room to kneel down beside Serena.

"Serena!" he says. "Serena, can you hear me?" She nods her head and opens her mouth to speak, but she can only cough, and blood comes with it. She stares, her eyes fixed into the back corner of the room and Ric follows the line of her gaze. Guy looks around and picks up the phone that sits in the tiled corner, and Ric recognises it to be Serena's phone.

"It's on video record," Guy says, looking extremely confused. "Is this some sick joke? What do I do with it?"

Ric glances into Serena's eyes and it dawns on him just what she's done. "Save the video. When you get a moment, back it up to your phone," he orders gently; Guy pockets the phone and Ric can tell he understands what's happened. Serena has sacrificed herself to ensure Greg will be locked up for her murder. He returns his attention to Serena, doing all the checks and looking over her body. He lifts her shirt to find her abdomen is swollen and purple. "She's got a massive internal bleed. We need to get her to theatre. Now!"

Raf opens the door and it's all they can do between the three of them to lift her as evenly as they can onto the trolley Raf has waiting, Colette standing by to sort Serena out. Serena is worryingly quiet; she must be in enough pain to make her want to scream but she only moans slightly when they have to shift her. "You're not doing this procedure," Guy tells him as they stride onto AAU.

"Yes, Guy, I am," he retorts.

"She means too much to you," argues Guy.

"You're a neurosurgeon and Raf is only a registrar. I'm the only on-duty consultant general surgeon, aside from Serena. I am doing this procedure," he asserts. He is painfully aware that all eyes are on Serena as she is wheeled across the ward; he sees Mary-Claire standing with her hand over her mouth and tears in her eyes. Though she and Serena have never been particularly close, Ric knows Mary-Claire will be affected by the state in which she finds Serena.

Once they are in anaesthetics, Guy finally caves and says, "Alright, you can do it. But you will have Raf with you at all times and it you feel it's become too much, you stand aside. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal," Ric says.

"Ric," Serena's voice echoes in the almost empty room; she is hoarse and weak, her face drained white in the few places it isn't bruising more with every moment that passes. "Ric," she says again. He takes hold of her hand and she weakly returns his grip. He sees her pain and her love spread across her battered face. He knows she did this deliberately and he will tell her off in epic fashion once she is better – he has to believe she will survive, or else he won't be able to try and save her.

She lifts her arm but it doesn't reach very far, so he leans down to her, pressing a kiss onto her bleeding lips. As he pulls back, she falls unconscious; he fights not to let his emotions get the better of him, but seeing Serena, once strong and bright, lying broken on a hospital bed brings a lump to his throat.

He leaves the anaesthetist to put her under, and he starts scrubbing in, Raf and Mary-Claire doing the same next to him. "Are you alright to do this, Mary-Claire?" Ric asks her softly. She glares at him and he amends, "It's not a reflection on your ability. It's a reflection on the fact that I know you care about Ms. Campbell more than you care to admit."

Mary-Claire takes a deep breath. "Ms. Campbell would be telling me to suck it up and do my job right now, so that's what I'm going to do." Ric allows her a small smile and leads the way into theatre...to try and save Serena, because the other option is the unthinkable.

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><p>Shayna sits with Serenity, seeing the ghostliness in the way she lies and the frailty in her paleness. How can it be that her life is being torn apart so easily? She knows she will end up back with Greg. He's too good at manipulating her, at telling her lies and making her believe them. She <em>knows<em> a brake failure hasn't done this. She can feel it in her bones – Greg's done this to hurt her. But all the evidence will point to a brake failure, and she knows this. The already corroded and fragile brake pipes will have burst on impact, and Shayna doubts the difference will be very easy to tell.

She inches her chair closer to her daughter, taking her little hand in her own. She doesn't know how she could ever survive without Serenity. It would require a strength she's never possessed, and that she wishes she could have inherited from her mum. She's always known Serena is strong; from a young age she has always understood that her mother would not be alive right now if she hadn't been bloody-minded and strong. She's been through so much and survived it all. Motherhood, the threat of death, giving up motherhood, going through medical school and university, marrying Edward, motherhood again, divorce, single motherhood, reconciliation with Edward, her relationship with Edward disintegrating, her lost daughter and grandchild showing up out of nowhere...it's been a hell of a ride for the woman who started life as innocent little Serena McKinnie.

The door opens and she looks around, expecting to see her mother or Ric. Instead, Guy Self and Colette Sheward step in, and she knows then that something is seriously wrong. "What's happened?" Shayna demands. Her blood runs cold when she realises that there must be something seriously awry if it's Guy and Colette seeking her rather than Ric and her mother.

"Shayna," Guy begins. "I'm really not sure how to tell you this..." he admits, and she knows it must be bad if a neurosurgeon is having issues telling her the news. After all, they deliver the worst kinds of news every single day, don't they? "Your mother..."

"Your mum's been attacked," Colette supplies bluntly, but she does not sound careless. "She's in surgery now but I've spoken to Raf and he reckons you need to prepare for the worst." Shayna's mouth falls open. She can't speak; first her daughter and now her mother. Everything she has is falling apart, breaking every time someone touches it.

Guy steps forward. "I think you should know, it was your husband who attacked Serena," he explains gently. He crouches down next to her, placing a gentle hand on her arm in comfort. "I can't throw him out of the hospital but the police are here and he is very much secure." Shayna only nods her head to indicate that she understands what has happened. Her husband has made attempts on both her daughter's life and her mother's, and it's got to stop.

She doesn't understand how this happened, though. Serena surely knows better than to isolate herself in a room with Greg, after him assaulting her in the middle of the ward. "What was she playing at?!" she wonders aloud. Guy and Colette stare at each other for only a moment, and Shayna doesn't miss the dark admiration in their expressions. "What?"

Colette finally says, "We think she may have had a plan to make sure that if Greg isn't locked up for trying to kill Serenity, then he will be locked up for Serena's murder."

"Self-sacrifice," Shayna realises, only able to whisper the term. Colette nods only once, and Shayna sees the look on Guy's face. There's something he's not telling her, but she's not even sure she wants to know. She can feel the silent tears rolling down her cheeks, letting out the fear and worry as it breaks her apart. She can't help it. She breaks down and cries, unable to think of her mother probably dying in theatre right now after putting herself in harm's way for her daughter and granddaughter's safety. "This is my fault," she confesses. "She must have known Greg would make me go back. She did it because she knows I'm weak."

"No," Guy says forcefully. "She did it because she's your mum and she loves you. She did it because she doesn't want Greg to have the chance to even try and talk you into going home. It's not your fault, Shayna."

Shayna looks up at him and finds he is being completely sincere, even though she knows Guy isn't Serena's biggest fan, nor is she his. She glances at Colette, who looks close to tears herself, and Shayna struggles to control herself. This is not good; what use is she here, sitting crying over the mess she finds herself in? She has to stand tall for her family – what's left of what little she has.

"We'll leave you with you daughter," Guy says quietly. "If you need anything at all, just come and ask." Shayna nods in silence and they leave, and she can only stare at her recovering daughter. If she's being told to prepare for the worst, then Greg must have given Serena a good hiding. Shayna just wants to kill him, to rid the world of his particular brand of evil once and for all.

But she knows she can't; if she does that, and puts herself in jeopardy, then Serena will have made her sacrifice in vain. Shayna refuses to negate her mother's courage, however misguided, reckless and foolish it is. It's yet another testament to her mother's love for her – one she cannot possibly doubt.

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><p><em>Reviewscomments welcome._


	20. Chapter 20

_I'm not entirely sure if I like this but it's written now and I'm far, far too tired to go and rewrite it. Thank you to all who read/review._

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><p>Mary-Claire focuses solely on her singular actions; she cannot think of the outcome of them, or the woman they will be enforced upon. She tries to think of the woman as a faceless nobody, with no name or family, but she can see Serena's face, bruised and bleeding, and it's no good to imagine her as anyone other than Serena Campbell. Though there have been ups and downs – Edward's mess being the most serious down – Mary-Claire, like many of the younger staff at Holby, sees Serena as a maternal figurehead for the hospital. She can't help it. It's just her aura and her manner. The only other women of similar age Mary-Claire has worked with are Jac and Colette, neither of whom are like Serena.<p>

She can't see Serena giving in on anything. Even death will have a fight on its hands. But the monitors tell a different story. They tell of a woman at the edge of the world, waiting for that one catastrophe to push her over the brink and into death.

It's a known and often regretted fact, at least among her juniors and enemies, that Serena is as stubborn as the day is long, and is only fierce on days of the week ending in 'day.' They've all moaned about it enough; now comes the time to try and make sure the woman survives this.

Mary-Claire looks up – the monitors have started beeping. Her blood pressure has plummeted to somewhere in the centre of the Earth. The opening Ric and Raf have created in her body has filled and overflowed with blood. "Suction!" Ric shouts. Mary-Claire speedily sucks the blood away so Ric can see what he's doing. "I can't find it!"

Raf leans in and tries as well, and Mary-Claire knows without being told that they're getting nowhere, and Serena just keeps deteriorating. The monitor screams at them to hurry and the noise rings in Mary-Claire's head. "Packs!" Raf demands, and she passes them to him. A different tone tells them there's a crisis.

They allow the cloth to soak up most of the blood before removing them to try and get to the bottom of where the final bleed is coming from. Though not necessarily religious, Mary-Claire finds herself saying a silent prayer for Serena, begging whatever God there may be to give Serena that last little bit of strength she needs to pull through this.

"She's in VF!" the Scot shouts.

The air becomes thin and panicked, and Ric grabs the paddles. "Charge to one-eighty," he barks. "Clear!" Mary-Claire can only watch in horror as Serena's body jolts with the electric shock that shoots through her. They all look at the screen to find nothing is changing; if anything, she is slightly worse than before. "Charge to two-hundred! Clear!" Again, Serena's body shifts under the electricity.

They stare at the screen again for what feels like a million years, and her heartbeat returns. Mary-Claire exhales; she's never been so relieved yet so terrified in her life. She watches Ric and Raf scramble around in search of the one last catastrophic bleed, arguing and shouting at each other in rushed panic. She sees this situation starting to get the better of the ever-placid Ric; he looks like he may just explode.

"Mr. di Lucca! Mr. Griffin!" Mary-Claire shouts above them. "Stop being so hopeless!" It's something Serena said to Edward many months ago, and a story almost everyone has heard. She meets Ric's eyes and he allows her a tiny smile and takes a deep breath, proceeding more calmly and efficiently than Edward had when he had heard it, not that that would be at all difficult.

The atmosphere settles and they remain calm and methodical, doing things with thought rather than impulse as Serena always insists the world does.

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><p>Ric stands with Guy in his office; Guy pulls out Serena's phone and connects it to his via Bluetooth. He finds the thumbnail for the most recent video and sends it to his own phone. He glances at Ric when it's fully sent over, silently asking if he's ready to witness what actually happened to Serena. He gives a nod and he opens the video on his phone. Serena walks away from the lens.<p>

A disembodied voice – Greg's – calls out, "So what's my darling wife been saying?"

"Just that you've treated her like dirt for ten years. Oh, and you're trying to make Serenity like you." Her voice is antagonising and bitter as she quietly digs her grave.

"What Shayna doesn't realise is that Serenity is already like me. Serenity is strong like me. I don't want her becoming like her mother, weak and pathetic." The door has opened and he's washing his hands.

"Shayna's not weak."

"You've not known her as long as I have," is his reply. It's a low blow, and he must have known that. He is the kind of man Ric would gladly smack for all he's done. "She's weak. But she's like you. She's got a temper, so I have to keep her under the thumb." This disgusts Ric, and when he looks at Guy he sees it's had the same effect on the CEO.

Greg is drying his hands as Serena's logical reply arrives: "Or you could just not provoke her." She stands in his way, deliberately making herself an obstruction in his path, and they all know he will not tolerate her presence if it is an obstacle to him. "I've had to give her up once because someone was intent on destroying her. I won't let you take her from me."

Greg's response is one of unadulterated aggression. "Yeah? You and what army?" He squares up to her, and Ric sees that this is where the situation had gone wrong.

"I've never needed an army," she laughs. The sound shoots through Ric, and he doesn't like it; he hates that she's always concealed so much bitter regret and reluctance, never taking what had always been hers to take. There is a loud thud and Ric hears Guy wince as Serena is slammed into the wall by her throat. Even Ric has to close his eyes for a fraction of a second as the image hits him.

"You need one now, and where are they? You and Shayna, you're one and the same. You're too easy to control." They watch him smack her back into the wall by the neck. "You're going to walk away from her, because I can look after her better than you can."

Ric barely hears her speak as she gasps for oxygen Greg will not allow her to have. "I...won't..." He throws his hand away from her and she manages to say, completely breathless, "You can't...you can't win."

He spits back at her, "I _will_ win. I will win because you're not going to be here."

"You're not getting rid of me that easily." The statement brings his knee into her stomach and Ric can almost feel the force behind it, like he was being kneed in the gut as well. Guy groans next to him, muttering something under his breath.

"I wouldn't count on it. How dare you start playing Mummy after thirty-two years? She's not yours. Serenity's not yours. They're mine." He's leaning down to her as he says it, his words echoing as he asserts his dominance over her. Little does he know she's the one with the upper hand, because she's always played the long game, and she's always done it well.

"I won't leave her."

"Then I'm going to have to kill you." Ric sees the ghost of a smile on Serena's lips as Greg's fist connects with her face, knocking her flat on the floor. He watches her attempt to rise again but she's instantly kicked down, and she's kicked yet again. Again and again and again, he kicks her, and watching it makes Ric feel sick. There's another eleven minutes of this sort of thing, he remembers as he watches Greg kick her, full force, into the corner, her head cracking against the tiled wall.

She never rises, just letting Greg kick her again and again, getting her own way by winning the fight in the most twisted manner.

"That's enough," Ric says, trying not to choke on his own words. He desperately wants to be sick, like it will dispel from him the horror of seeing his lover being battered to within an inch of death by her own son-in-law.

Guy's fingers return the phone to its home screen, his hand patting Ric's shoulder lightly. "That is _disgusting_," Guy growls. Ric looks up to see the man is absolutely furious where Ric is just horrified. "I will make sure he has hell to pay for this." Ric nods silently, forlornly, as he recalls the price of the evidence in Guy's hands.

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><p>Her eyes closed, enveloped in the sound of darkness, she hears the beeping of the monitors and she smells the familiar disinfectant she's come to know so well. She doesn't understand. She's should not be able to hear or smell anything at all; she should be dead. The beating she's been given should have killed her by now.<p>

Among the assaulting scents of bleach and alcohol gel, she smells cherry blossom – her daughter's body spray. She remembers the glass bottle from Shayna's bathroom. She smells the faint scent of whisky and fabric softener...Edward, and Eleanor's washed the clothes he's wearing. What is he doing here? And there's the smell of fruity perfume and a hint of hairspray. Eleanor. The smell of her mother's she's known her whole life; the smell of a kitchen and a garden combined, warm and comforting. And there's the smell of Ric's skin – a scent she can't describe even to herself but she would know it anywhere, and he's sitting within a couple of feet of her.

Five people by one bed is completely off protocol but she can just imagine the fuss they are capable of causing between them. They're on their best behaviour, too; this is the first time she can recall that she's ever been able to picture the five of them in the same room, completely civil to one another. She hears her mother and Edward talk quietly, and she is surprised to hear they are on speaking terms. On Christmas Day, Adrienne had called Edward for every name under the sun.

Eleanor and Ric are talking in hushed tones, discussing how this has happened. Ric is reassuring Eleanor that Serena loves her, and that she's done this, in part, for her.

Shayna says nothing but Serena can hear her breathe and shift, attuned to her movements as she remains silent as everyone else converses. She's noticed that Shayna deals with shock the same way she does. In silence. And it's not always beneficial.

Everything she knows runs through her mind. That she's divorced, that she's a mother, that she's a child, that she's a lover and a friend...and that, somehow, after giving her own life to save her family, she's here. She wonders if Eleanor has taken a liking to her half-sister, or if she even knows that they are sisters at all. Has she met her niece yet? Where _is_ Serenity? How long has it been? Hours? Days? Weeks?

She feels a hand on hers, and it can only be Ric's. How has she allowed herself to fall for him? She's always said that, no matter how great it becomes, she would never give into the temptation of Ric Griffin. But she has done; she remembers that night she spent with him, still reeling from shock and fear, and how he had allowed her to take him for everything he has, physically and emotionally. After that night, to her only a couple of days ago, there's been the unspoken agreement that they're together.

They've been together in heart for much longer, Serena believes. They've been closer than she allows herself to become to anyone, and for a long, long time. As she takes stock of her life, she decides she wants Ric. She wants him to love her like she's always wanted to be loved, and how she knows he does love her.

As she takes stock of her life, she realises she wants these six people at the centre of it, even though they've all had more than their fair share of problems, fall outs, break ups, make ups and complete breakdowns.

Shayna Roberts. Eleanor Campbell. Serenity Roberts. Adrienne McKinnie. Edward Campbell. Ric Griffin. She loves them all in a different way but all equally, because she knows they love her too. They are worth fighting for, even if, in some cases, it's only so she can help fix them. Edward and Shayna most definitely need fixed. She can't even hate Edward, because she knows he never asked to be taken into the grips of alcoholism.

It's time to reach out and take the life that's hers, and lean on the people who lean on her, because she's been given it back after sacrificing it for them.

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><p><em>Reviews and comments are welcomed.<em>


	21. Chapter 21

_This is slightly too long but it stops making sense when I delete things so I'm leaving it be. Thanks to everyone reading/reviewing._

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><p>Ric looks up suddenly; has her hand just moved in his? He could swear he felt her fingers tighten around his hand. "Serena?" he cautiously speaks to her. Her eyelids are moving. She's in there somewhere, and he just knows she can hear him speaking to her.<p>

It grabs the attention of the others, and Eleanor is leaning over the railing, her hand on her mother's bruised arm. Edward and Adrienne stop conversing. The only person who doesn't move is Shayna. She's sat like that for four hours. Not a word has come out of her, and she shifts position only because she's a nurse and she knows she has to. If that were not the case, Ric is convinced she would be sitting doing a brilliant impersonation of stone.

Serena stirs slightly, like she's only sleeping, and there's no mistaking it this time. She mutters something but he can't quite make out what; he glances around to see Shayna still has not moved or spoken. "Ellie," she murmurs. "Shayna."

"I'm here, Mum," Eleanor says. Shayna doesn't speak, and it worries Ric that a girl as frustratingly vocal as her mother will not open her mouth.

Serena's eyes open slowly, and she looks thoroughly dazed. Her face is still bruised, four days after being attacked – in fact, there are more bruises on her than untouched skin. "Serena," Ric breathes. "How are you feeling?"

"Like my son-in-law just tried to kill me. How else am I going to feel?" she retorts dryly. Her voice is cracked and hoarse, probably through lack of use, and her eyes are drawn and exhausted. But he has to laugh slightly; she's not lost her caustic sarcasm, at the very least. She looks directly at him and he resists the urge to berate her there and then for the insane selflessness she's displayed.

He looks at the monitor and quickly takes her pulse with his fingers. He'll call Guy up to do a neurological check on her later, since she has smacked her head, but there's no real urgency since her scans are all clear. It's simply been a matter of giving her body some peace to repair itself.

Her eyes dart around the room, taking in every face she sees. Her gaze lingers on Edward for a moment and she looks confused; Ric knows exactly why. Edward's not had a drink at all in four days and it's hit him hard – he's in withdrawal. It's not immediately obvious to Adrienne and Eleanor because they don't know what to look for, but Ric knows Shayna sees it too, even if she has said nothing.

"My, my," Serena says quietly. "I do believe I've shocked you into sobriety, Edward." It's said with a mischievous smirk that Edward returns. Ric cannot pretend to understand the bond they share, but he can only accept it. He's got no choice because he knows Edward will always be around and he knows there's some part of Serena that has to love him. He is, after all, the father of her child.

Adrienne stands up and moves around to Serena's side. "You stupid, stupid girl," she says quietly to her daughter. She's hardly a girl anymore – she's forty-eight years old – but Ric knows what Adrienne means. Serena's still her child, regardless of her age. "You could have died."

"I nearly did," is Serena's glib reply. She tries to sit up but she groans and falls back down, Ric's hand on her shoulder as he silently warns her to not even bother trying it. "Maybe not," she winces.

"Yeah, you broke four ribs, Mum," Eleanor solemnly informs her.

For the first time in hours, Shayna speaks up. "Mum didn't break anything. _My_ husband did all the breaking." Ric stares at her and he suddenly understands her silence. She's blaming herself for what's happened to her mother. Adrienne has already tried to console her but she's having no help from her grandmother. She's determined to punish herself.

"Shayna, my dear," Adrienne says to her, her hand on her shoulder. "You've not eaten in hours. Let's go down to the cafeteria."

Shayna looks up and Ric says, "Your granny's right, Shayna. None of you have eaten since last night." He knows Edward might not have much of an appetite but he needs to eat – he's already been sick today. He looks around at Edward and at Eleanor. "She'll still be here when you get back." The reluctantly stand because they know he is right; regardless of anything, they need to sustain themselves, hence why he has been sticking to regular meals.

They straggle out of the room and he's left alone with Serena. "Do you realise you crashed in theatre?" he asks her gently. "Raf and I brought you back from the brink, Serena, and Mary-Claire had to kick our backsides into gear for us to do it."

"Mary-Claire?" she replies, her head falling to the side as she stares right at him. "Did you panic, Mr. Griffin?" she teases him with a weak smile. He looks away; he doesn't really want to admit it, but operating on Serena emotionally drained him. His vision had been clouded and he had struggled to think logically, as had Raf. They are all very lucky Mary-Claire was there – some Ric never expected himself to think about the young Irishwoman. "Come here and kiss me," she orders him.

The request surprises him. He has been thinking, honestly, that she will want nothing to do with him. After all, there's so much to get embroiled in, so much madness surrounding her, and he knows there must be a part of her that doesn't want him to suffer with her. But still she's asked him to kiss her, and he leans down and presses his lips to hers. He can feel her hand on the back of his head, and her smile against his mouth.

She breaks away but doesn't let him lean back, keeping his face near hers as she closes her eyes. "Did it work?" she whispers to him. "Did you find my phone?"

"Greg's up in court tomorrow morning," he tells her. "He's being charged with attempted murder." He gently forces himself away from her so he can study her face. She is relieved. Happy, even. "That must be the single most idiotic thing you've ever done, Serena," he softly berates her. She opens her mouth to argue and he knows exactly what she wants to say. "Yes, yes, I know. Greg Roberts will spend the foreseeable future in a prison cell. You're very clever. But you're also an idiot. You could have been killed, and I have no doubt you wouldn't have given a damn if it means he gets put away for a long time. You stupid, silly, reckless, selfless, loving, courageous, beautiful woman."

She laughs slightly and pulls him down into a deep, loving kiss. He can't help but smile, just happy to have her in his arms. "I love you," she moans slightly.

"I love you," he answers her, his hand resting gently on her chest, right against her heart, feeling it beating into his skin. "But if you ever put me through that again..." he begins.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Serena mutters. "You'll slap me from here to Kingdom Come. And I wouldn't blame you either." She catches her mouth in his and he realises suddenly the pain kissing him must cause her, and yet she does it anyway. She seems to want to live life for everything in it; has this ordeal made her want to make more of her life, and the people in it? So he kisses her with the same intensity she gives him, because she is here and she's alive, and they're lucky she's survived.

She pulls away and he kisses her forehead, touching her cheekbone lightly. She's bruised and battered, but she's still as beautiful as she's always been, inside and out.

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><p>Serena lies in her ICU bed in lonely silence. It's seven o'clock at night, and they've all left her for a while. She knows she's lucky to be alive, and she will not forget that. She's lucky to have Ric at her side as well, because she knows she cannot walk this path alone anymore. She's not brave enough anymore to do that, and she's not sure she wants to. She would survive it, as her determination and willpower don't allow for complete failure, but she would much rather be in love than alone.<p>

The doors open and Adrienne walks in; Serena groans as she looks around at her mother. She's not had the chance to talk to her yet. They've had no time alone. Her mother sits down and takes one of Serena's hands in both of hers, and she lightly presses her lips to the skin. "Why didn't you tell me about all this?" Adrienne demands quietly. "Ric told me. Not that I needed told. She's got your eyes and your smile."

"My favourite mistake," Serena mumbles. She can't deny that, at the time, Shayna's conception had very much been a mistake. There aren't many girls who get pregnant at sixteen on purpose. "I'm sorry, Mum." She stares into her mothers eyes and sees there is no need to seek forgiveness because there's nothing Adrienne feels needs to be forgiven. "It all happened so fast. She showed up here and I didn't know who she was until she shouted 'Mum' across AAU at me."

"Ric says you knew before that," Adrienne contradicts her.

Serena raises an eyebrow and retorts, "You and Ric are getting a little to pally for my liking." Adrienne smirks to herself and Serena adds, "I knew in my heart the moment I met her. I just...I was so _terrified_ it was her that I pretended to myself she was just my colleague, or a friend." She feels her eyes welling up and she swallows back her tears. She never speaks about Shayna to her mum, mostly because she's always tried to leave that life behind her. "I thought she would hate me. I hated myself," she confesses. It's rare for her to be so open with her mother but there's no point in lying now.

"Well, she loves you," Adrienne firmly tells her. "And I see I'm now a great-grandmother. They've still got her in the AAU side room, just to keep an eye on her."

"Oh, God, yes. I'm a granny. I feel ancient," she groans as she moves slightly, a bruise on her hip sitting awkwardly against the mattress. "What's happened with Edward?" she asks curiously. "Last time I spoke to him, he was off his face."

Adrienne sighs and bluntly says to her, "It would seem that the thought of you dying has made him see there's more to live for than drink and women. So now he's staying out of the bottle, and he's suffering for it." Serena looks away and her mother, as always, knows what she wants but is too scared to ask for. "You want to see him, don't you?" Serena meets her gaze and silently node; Adrienne rises and leaves with a smile, and it's only a few moments before Edward has walked in.

"Your mum says you want to see me," he smiles at her. She sees the effort it takes him, and how ill he must be feeling. As he sits down in the chair Adrienne has just left, she sees the sweat on his forehead and the gauntness of his face. He faintly smells of alcohol still, but it's the scent of stale whisky, not a fresh bottle of vodka.

"You look like hell," she comments.

"You're one to talk," he replies. She holds his stare for a moment and laughs, causing him to smile. "Why didn't you ever tell me you have another daughter?" he asks her gently. "What did you think I would do?" She closes her eyes and decides the answer to the question. The truth is she did not trust him, and she knew he was stupid – he still is. But there had been one more thing, and it had been a single, crippling fear.

Serena opens her eyes and tells him, "I didn't think you were mature enough to handle it, and I thought you would hate me." He lets out a quiet chuckle and, for some reason, it annoys her when he keeps laughing. "What's so funny?" she snaps at him.

"That's our problem," he laughs. "We're a mismatch. You're right. I _am_ immature, but you're also _too_ mature." Serena smiles just a little, knowing he is right on both counts. The lack of alcohol in his system seems to make him less moronic, though he's more levelled than she's been expecting, given he's going through alcohol withdrawal. "Do you want Ric? And Shayna and Ellie?"

She nods her head and adds, "Aren't you just a bit uncomfortable with me and Ric? God knows I was with you and Milly Molly Mandy."

Edward smiles gently and stands up, leaning on the white railing; his hands are shaking, she notices. He leans down and kisses her cheek. "I'm just glad you're alive, Serena. And if you're happy with Ric, then so be it. At least he'll treat you better than I have."

He walks away, leaving her astounded that he can be so grown-up. It's not like him. Have her actions and their consequences actually managed to knock some sense and decency into the ever-foolish Edward Campbell? She doesn't have time to think, though, because Ellie saunters in with Ric at her heels. Shayna lags behind looking tortured and introverted, and it dawns on Serena that she's going to have to sit both her children down together and tell them the truth. There's no use in holding back.

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><p><em>Reviews and comments welcomed.<em>


	22. Chapter 22

_I meant to write this yesterday - well, Thursday - but my auntie died and it all got a bit hectic, so it's gone the opposite way from what I first intended due to my unpleasant mood. Thanks, as always, to all who read/review._

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><p>Serena watches Ric, Shayna and Eleanor for a moment. They are three very different people, and she knows right away they won't always get along very well. It's just a clash of natures, and one similarity the whole lot of them – Adrienne and Edward too – share: the complete inability to hold their tongues in an argument. It will always make for an interesting situation because there will always be one of them who speaks their mind when it is least helpful.<p>

She glances around at them, not really knowing what to say. With Edward and her mum, it's easier because she knows what they want to know. She knows they want to know why she's kept secrets and made sacrifices. But her children are a different story. She's always had to be firm with Eleanor at times, because she has a combination of her mother's occasional hot-headedness and her father's immaturity in her.

Like Ric has pointed out, however, Shayna is very much like her mother, and it worries Serena. She can hardly be held up as a perfect example of how a human being should behave, and if she ever puts herself in danger like she herself has just done, she vows she will rip her daughter apart for it. She never wants Serenity left without her mother, even if it is to help save her life. She herself left Shayna with nobody, and there is a part of her hates herself for it even now.

Ric sits silently and gives her a look that tells her he's ready to play peacekeeper if he needs to. He seems to understand this may not go well, and it makes her wonder what has been said and done while she's been knocked out. Have they been arguing? They're barely looking at each other, but then Shayna's having a hard time looking at anyone, never mind her little sister. She is cold and harsh, not the woman Serena met a few days ago. The change is dramatic.

As for Eleanor, she's averting her gaze away from her sister, staring straight at the back wall. "Have you two even looked at each other while I was unconscious?" she gently sighs. They do not speak but they do stare at her. "Of course not. You're adults, and you need to start behaving like it."

"Yeah, well, if that silly cow hadn't taken her psycho husband here, you wouldn't be in this state, would you?!" Ellie's temper is finally fraying, just as Serena knew it would be. "I mean, she's not seen you for her whole life and she comes running now that she's got herself in bother. It's pathetic!"

"That is _enough_, Eleanor," Serena says, her voice stern, weak and deadly calm. "Shayna is your sister and you will show her the same degree of respect I've taught you to show every other living thing on this planet."

"She's not my sister," Ellie scoffs. "I don't _have_ a sister. I'm an only child."

Serena closes her eyes for a moment. This is exactly what she's been afraid of; she should know better than to expect Eleanor to be grown up about this. She's too much like her dad. Edward is the most childish grown man she's ever met – granted, it is part of his bizarre charm – and it's something Serena has long known he's passed on to his daughter.

She opens her eyes and sees Eleanor is stony faced and haughty, and it's obviously going to take some convincing to make her accept her sister. She's spent her whole life being the only child, the only one her mother has shown love and affection, and it will be difficult for her to assimilate to being part of a slightly larger family. Serena can fully accept that. What she refuses to accept is Eleanor's lack of decency, respect and manners.

She lets her gaze shift to Shayna, who sits with her phone clasped in her hands and her shoulders tensed in frustration, hurt and fear. "What about you?"

"I'm fine, Mum," she replies, but she's lying, and Serena sees it a mile off.

"Stop _calling_ her that!" Eleanor exclaims. "She's not your mum. She's _my_ mum, but she gave you up when you were a baby because she didn't want you! What makes you think she wants you now, especially when you seem to take trouble with you everywhere you go?!" The outburst shocks Serena; she always thought she raised Ellie to have more compassion and respect than this. "You've got no family. You are _nothing_!" she shouts across the bed at a silent Shayna.

Serena hears the door open and is surprised when it's Edward's voice she hears. "Ellie," he says. "Behave yourself and stop stressing your mother out. She's ill enough as it is, without you shouting and bawling at your sister." She looks to find Edward is walking around the bed to stand behind Eleanor; is this him taking on some parental responsibility for once? "We can hear you in the corridor, for God's sake." Serena's frozen; everything she has isn't what she knows, and she can't tell if it's for better or for worse.

Ric is astounded and she knows he feels redundant. It's written all over his face. So he finally speaks up and, though Serena expects him to talk about the situation as a whole, but he instead speaks directly to Shayna. "Will you please just tell your mother how you feel, Shayna?" he says to her. "You're not going to get anywhere by torturing yourself."

Shayna looks around at Ric as he steps towards her, and she seems frightened by what he's said. His hand falls onto the nurse's shoulder, and Serena sees a parallel on each side of her bed. On one side are Edward and Eleanor, father and daughter, and on the other are Shayna and Ric, who is taking a position as a paternal figure for Shayna when she needs it. It hits Serena that, not only did she allow Shayna to grow up without a mother, but she also grew up without a father. She's split her life apart and patching it up may be more problematic than she's been hoping, given Eleanor's attitude and Shayna's reluctance to speak her mind. She can only hope Edward talks some sense into their daughter, but she has her doubts; he currently looks like death warmed up and it'll get worse before it gets better.

But this deadlock is no good to anyone. Something has got to give.

"Shayna?" Serena says quietly. "What is it?" Shayna just stares at her, and she searches her daughter's eyes, the mirror of her own. And then she sees it. The self-loathing and the fear. "Don't you dare blame yourself for this," she orders her daughter fiercely.

"Who else is to blame?!" Eleanor snaps.

Serena turns to look at Ellie and answers her, totally calm, "Nobody asked me to go with him. Nobody asked me to do what I did. I did it, completely off my own back. Nobody even knew what I was doing until it was done, and Ric, Raf di Lucca and Guy Self can attest to that. It is no-one's fault but mine and Greg's."

She lets the silence fall, waiting for someone to talk. To her utmost surprise, it's Edward who eventually opens his mouth. "Ellie, darling, let's go and get a coffee." The change in him is almost as drastic as the change in Shayna. Sobriety suits him if this is how he is going to be without alcohol colouring his judgement. "Leave your mum to sort some stuff out with Ric and Shayna."

It's with bitter reluctance that Eleanor stands and walks with her father, glaring at her sister as she passes. Once she is out the door, Serena groans, "That went well."

"She'll cool off," Ric wisely points out. "She always does. I hate to say it, but Edward might actually know how to talk her round." Edward and Eleanor are like two peas in a pod in terms of their levels of maturity and their attitudes to life. He will understand what is going on in the girl's head better than Serena does, and he will know what to say to her because he will know how she feels.

"Of course he does," she sighs. She turns to Shayna. "And you, young lady, have got to stop thinking this is your fault. You didn't do this. My inability to watch you suffer did this."

Shayna squirms slightly in her chair. "Eleanor's right. I should never have come here."

"I have lived with that girl for eighteen years and I know when she's just sounding off. I know when her father is just sounding off. Ric is right. Edward will talk sense into her," Serena replies. There are tears in Shayna's eyes, and it makes Serena reach out until the woman drops her hand into hers, Serena's thumb stroking the back of her hand lightly. "I always knew you two would have to meet one day, and I suspected Ellie might not take it well at first. What she says is complete rubbish – I've already explained that I always wanted you but I couldn't have you. But she'll come to accept it in time."

"She's not going to have a choice," Ric points out. "You're not going to give in to her, are you?" he guesses.

He's right, of course. Eleanor has had her own way her entire life, and now she has to find some selflessness and let Shayna have a family and a future. It doesn't mean she loves Shayna more than Eleanor or Eleanor more than Shayna; it just means that neither child will have things all their own way. In many ways, she's spoilt Eleanor a little, always feeling guilty for the situation with Edward and the situation with work, and she caves far, far too easily to Eleanor's demands. But she draws the line at having Shayna feel like an outcast, like she doesn't belong, because Ellie is throwing her toys out the pram. Whatever Edward is saying to her, Serena just hopes it sways her the right way.

"So you don't blame me for what happened?" Shayna whispers. "Even though he's only here because he followed me, like I always knew he would?"

"Darling, when I went in there with him, I never planned to live through it," Serena confesses. "I planned that I would die and you, Ellie and Serenity would get to live in peace. You didn't make the decision for me, so how can it be your fault?"

Shayna has no answer, and Serena knows she's just completely collapsed her daughter's logic of blame and reason, taking the responsibility onto herself for the actions she herself took. It's a twisted situation, and there are many aspects Serena is struggling with. For one thing is the change she can see in her ex-husband. She's never seen him so supportive or accepting, and she can actually believe he is, for once, genuine. If her Adrienne is speaking the truth, he's been shocked into getting his life and attitude onto the right path again.

She struggles to accept that Ric intends to stay by her side; she's been expecting him to throw his hands up in the air and walk away in frustration, but here he stands and here, she knows, he will stay.

Eleanor, however, needs an attitude transplant. That isn't the way Serena has raised her to behave, and she can't believe her youngest child has reacted this way. She thought she has instilled into her child more respect and compassion and decency in the past eighteen years, even with Edward's questionable influence.

"I love you, Mum," Shayna quietly reminds her. "I love you for everything you've done for me. Keeping me safe, giving me up, taking me in, putting your life on the line. And I know Eleanor is just angry and confused. She's been lied to her whole life. We can't expect anything different. It just hurts to hear my own sister say those things about me."

Ric sighs and says, "Eleanor, much like her dad, does first and thinks later. It's well-documented. Believe me. But it will all work out."

Looking to reassure her daughter, Serena tries to sit up but it causes her too much pain. Instead she falls back down and gazes at Shayna, relaying something her mother had told her when she was sixteen. She says to her daughter, just as Adrienne had done to Serena all those years ago, "It all works out in the end, and if it's not worked out, then it's not the end yet."

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><p><em>Reviews and comments are welcome.<em>


	23. Chapter 23

_I don't like this chapter but if I rewrite it it'll just end up even worse than it is now. Thank you to everyone reading and reviewing._

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><p>Edward sits with Eleanor in the cafeteria, trying to ignore the pain in his head for the sake of his daughter. He has to grow a backbone at some point and he can't do that if he's constantly wasted. Seeing Serena lying there, as good as dead to the world, has made him see his life can be taken from him as easily as it has been given. Serena's the strongest woman he knows, and if death can come so close to her then it can take him with little effort. Maybe he does this out of fear, but he does it anyway.<p>

He looks at Eleanor and recognises he's got a fight on his hands here; the first thought that crosses his mind is that he can't do this without a drink to help ease his frayed nerves. But he can't, not only because there's no easy place to find a drink, but because he's made a silent promise that he won't. For once, he wants to keep a promise.

"What's your problem, sweetheart?" he sighs, stirring his coffee in deep contemplation. Ric has told him everything Serena has said to him, and Edward doesn't doubt that Ric's been totally open with him and Adrienne. To give up her child to keep them both out of danger is the sort of thing she would do, the woman she is. It's the reason he loves her and the reason they can never work together, because he can never share her courage. What he's doing now is tearing him apart, and it takes all the strength in him to put the bottle down and leave it there.

"I don't want a sister," she says. "I don't need some woman barging in and taking my mum from me."

The answer doesn't surprise him in the slightest; Eleanor is her father's daughter, after all. He expects this jealousy and anger from her. He'd be more surprised if she were to simply accept the situation and her sister with open arms. In fact, that would worry him. "She'll always be your mum, Ellie," he assures her. "Just like I'll always be your dad. And I'm sorry that I've not always been there for you when I should have been. Your mum and I have issues. That's not an excuse. Of course it's not, but it's true."

"You're an alcoholic," Eleanor says gently. It's not an accusation at all; she's simply stating a fact. "Mum's a workaholic." She looks up from her coffee and stares him in the face. "And now _she_," she spits out, "is going to monopolise Mum until she forgets I even exist."

Edward has to laugh at that, and Eleanor glares at him icily. "I'm sorry, darling," he chuckles. "As if anyone could forget you exist." Eleanor reaches over and punches his arm indignantly. "Look, you'll always be my little girl. I love you. That goes without question. Your mum will always love you. Why do you think she sent me over to stay with you? Why do you think I blindly obeyed her?"

Eleanor is silent for a moment, and Edward considers which way to play this. It would be so easy to make Ellie hate her mum but he doesn't want that; though he's hurt that Serena has never told him about Shayna, he's beginning to see and accept his own flaws, and how difficult they make life for Serena at times. In truth, he's not sure he would have trusted himself in her position.

"What about Ric?" Eleanor asks. "What am I meant to do about him?"

"He makes you mother happy."

"So do you. Why can't you two just sort yourselves out and be a normal family? No drink, no work, no Shayna...just us."

Edward sighs and takes a drink of his coffee. "I make your mum miserable, Ellie," he admits. "I don't mean to, but I make her feel inadequate and worthless. We're bad for each other. We love each other in some mad, insane way, but it's not the good kind of love."

She seems to accept that, but he sees the unwillingness in her eyes; Edward, for the first time, is taking on some responsibility for his daughter's welfare. He knows he's been too good at walking away from everyone who loves him, and who he loves too. He walked away from his wife, he's walked away from his daughter and he's walked away from his happiness. Now he has to save himself, because he can't expect Serena to save him anymore.

"I can't stand the idea of having a sister."

"You've got a niece as well," Edward reminds her gently. "Have you thought about her? The little girl whose dad's just tried to kill her, and then tried to kill her granny? Don't you think she would want to know her auntie?" Eleanor looks at him guiltily, and he knows he's hit a nerve. Ellie never had any aunts or uncles, both her parents being the only child, and he knows she wouldn't want that for her own niece when she's there, in the same building. He stands and picks up his paper coffee cup in his trembling hands. "Come with me," he tells her. She raises an eyebrow at him just as her mother does all the time, but she gets to her feet anyway.

He puts his free arm around her and guides to her to AAU. He spots Mary-Claire and avoids her, knowing she will freely rip him apart for the way he treated her and Serena; now he is sober, he sees Mary-Claire has a right to be angry with him. A man in light blue scrubs stops them before they reach the side room door. "Can I help you?" he asks, his voice thickly Scottish.

It's Eleanor who speaks up, with a ridiculous amount of her mother's tone in her voice. "I'm here to see my niece," she replies, her voice a slight drawl. "I'm Serena Campbell's daughter. You know, the one who's lying in ICU after being beaten half to death?"

Mary-Claire joins the Scottish doctor and meets Edward's eyes. "It's OK, Raf. This is Edward. Serena's ex-husband. And Eleanor is her daughter, and Serenity's aunt."

Edward nods to Mary-Claire in thanks and when Raf goes, she explains to him, "We're being extra careful because that Greg bloke's a right creep and we don't know if he's got any equally creepy mates."

Edward nods and replies, "Yeah, Serena said the guy's a piece of work."

The three of them step into Serenity's room, where the child lies in bed with a book. He watches in silence as Eleanor introduces herself as her aunt and sits down, making conversation with Serenity, and Edward can just smile a little bit. He knows Shayna won't mind; the woman wants a family. A _real_ family. She's practically admitted as much, and Eleanor will be part of her family once she gets a grip of herself.

He hears Mary-Claire speak softly and looks down on her; he's expected to feel her wrath by now. "You've stopped drinking," she says, her voice gentle. He says nothing, and she adds, "You're in withdrawal."

"Seeing Serena like that on ICU..." he begins hesitantly. "She's stronger than the rest of us put together. If she can come so close to dying then what will happen to me if I don't get my act together?" he explains to her. "Death comes so quickly, and destroying my internal organs with drink isn't giving me much help with drawing it out."

"Well," Mary-Claire exhales carefully. "I'm glad you're sorting yourself out." She kindly touches his arm and walks away, having treated him with more compassion and respect than he expects or deserves from her. She's a decent girl, even if she is easily led and slightly dim at times. She had been so easy to take advantage of to begin with, but he hadn't expected her to fight him when she realised he was messing her about. In his own defence, he recalls he couldn't think straight by that point. There were times he didn't know whether he was coming or going, or what he wanted. He was a mess, and Serena and Mary-Claire have suffered for it.

He takes a step forward and sits next to Eleanor, listening to her speak to Serenity quietly. He watches her make her decisions, and he knows what she's decided already.

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><p>Ric sits in his office with Adrienne, having taken her away for some peace and quiet for a while. He's aware she's not as fit as she claims she is, and he can see Serena getting uptight with every indication that her mother's energy is fading. "What is happening between you and Rena?" she asks. Ric glances up at her, his attention diverted momentarily from his many, many unwanted emails. "I see the way you look at each other. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think she's fallen in love with you."<p>

He has long known Adrienne's direct approach, but this surprises him, and it puts him on the spot. He's already told Edward and Eleanor that he and Serena are together, but not Adrienne; he had wanted to leave that as Serena's prerogative, since the woman is her mother. "Um," he hesitates. "Well, when she first discovered Shayna's her daughter, she turned to me. She kissed me, and one thing led to another," he explains gently. She seems unimpressed with his explanation, and it's obvious that Serena's maternal instincts are passed down from her ow mother. "Look, Adrienne, I'm not Edward."

"I know you're not," Adrienne acknowledges. "But I don't want her getting hurt again. She's been put through hell and back by Ellie and Shayna's fathers. The state she was in when she was sixteen..." she trails away. "Ever since then, she's pretended she's invincible, but she's not, Ric. If you hurt her, she still bleeds. She just patches the wounds up before anyone gets to see."

Ric turns completely away from the computer to give Adrienne his full attention. He knows Serena is a constant worry for her mother, as Adrienne is for Serena, but they're both stubborn women, neither one ever willing to back down. "I love Serena," he confesses quietly. "I've loved her for a while now, but I had to watch her get into that car crash of a relationship with Edward. I _hated_ seeing what he did to her. And on New Year's Eve, seeing all her walls fall to the ground, something swayed it and I knew how I felt about her."

"Was she really that bad?"

"She really struggled with it," he admits. "I'm not going to hurt her. She's been through enough, don't you think?"

Adrienne falls silent for a moment. Ric doesn't blame her for having her doubts; it's obvious that Serena's previous relationships are questionable at best, downright destructive at the worst, and it's only natural that she will fret over the idea she may have picked yet another questionable relationship to get into. She loves her daughter and will do everything she can to protect her, and Ric expects nothing less than to find himself interrogated a little by her.

"Aren't you put off by all of this mess?" Adrienne asks, and he sees she doesn't trust him not to give up on Serena's baggage.

"I've already made it clear that I'm there for her whenever she needs me."

Adrienne stares at him for a second before she says with a deep sigh, "Why couldn't she have met you years ago?"

Ric smiles. He has the answer and he knows how Adrienne will take it. "Because she's followed the path of her life until she's reached me. She can't be content until she's faced everything she's met along the way, and now she has, she can settle down in peace." Adrienne rolls her eyes but he knows that she knows there is to reason to what he says. "She's got her mum, her children, her granddaughter, me and Edward all together. All she needs to do is get Eleanor and Shayna to act like sisters rather than mortal enemies, and then she's got the life she wants."

Ric and Adrienne share a smile and return to their own individual thoughts, and he remembers that feeling he felt when Serena first told him she loves him – the feeling of relief and of happiness, knowing that they've found each other in all the madness. That fact is what solidifies his faith in them; that they were brought together by hard times rather than easy ones is a reassurance to him. A reassurance that if they can face this together, they can face anything together, and come out the other end together.

By her side he stands, and there he will stay.

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><p><em>Reviews and comments are welcomed.<em>


	24. Chapter 24

_Hello! Thank you to everyone who takes time to read/review this!_

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><p>"You're stable enough to be moved to Keller," Ric says through the silence of the morning. Serena opens her eyes; she's not slept very well, having not heard from Eleanor and Edward after they left last night. She's worried because she knows Edward must be feeling like death warmed up and might not have much patience. She knows, though, that if he is making an effort then she has to start trusting him, because she knows it will motivate him. The man's not got much of a spine – he always needs someone to hold him up.<p>

Ric sits down and Serena shifts to see him better, and she notes she's in marginally less pain than she had been last night. "Great," she groans. "Sacha's bear hugs and Zosia's psychoanalysis. That's all I need." Ric chuckles at her pessimism, pushing her hair out of her eyes. "They're going to smother me," she complains.

He laughs and she glares at him, moving slightly closer to him. "Would that be such a bad thing?" he asks her quietly as he takes her hand in his, rubbing it lightly between his palms. "It would remind you that we all actually care about you."

"I reserve the right to knock Digby and Copeland's heads together when they inevitably get on my nerves."

He grins and says, "Do you want to try and sit up?" She nods slightly and she immediately feels his hands on her body, gently and carefully lifting her until she's sitting up a little better. She smiles when he kisses her head, revelling in his loving way of treating her. Moving her head to look at him with a pain in her bruised muscles, she catches his lips in hers with a gentle smile. The feel of his face against hers floods warmth through her, reminding her she's never alone if she's got Ric. She reaches her hand up to his face, pulling him closer.

She breaks away and stares into his eyes; she sees so much there that she doesn't see in herself. There's a kindness she knows she doesn't possess, having long known she's harsh and straightforward, prizing the mind above the heart. "How are my children?" she says. "Are they speaking to each other yet?"

"I know Eleanor was with Serenity last night, but I don't know if she's spoken to Shayna," he explains. She sighs. She has been hoping they will have patched things up overnight, but it's beginning to seem less than likely that they've even seen each other. Eleanor can be so stubborn, and Shayna's not going to speak up. Serena knows she feels she's intruding on Eleanor's perfect life, but Eleanor's life has never been perfect. Her fractured relationships with her husband and daughter and her intense relationship with work made sure of that.

She leans back and wonders what she will do now, seeing the mess around her. Her life will never be the same. How can it? Everyone around her has changed and so must she; she must adapt to what will become of her life, or she will never keep up with the sea of change flooding over them all. Changes in relationships, family members, mindsets and addictions must be acknowledged and, in some cases, celebrated. She's gained so much even though it almost cost her her life to preserve it all.

She finds now that she could never go back to her life before. She now has so much she's always wanted. Even Edward is addressing his problems head on – something she never thought she would live to see. She can't deny she still loves the man, but he's destructive. He destroys her confidence and her self-esteem, though she's almost certain he doesn't intend to. But maybe now that he's going to be sober and rational, as rational the man ever has been, anyway, they can be friends.

Ric sits down beside her and silently allows her to think; he will always do that. Unless he sees an urgent need to make himself heard, he will meet her contemplation with silence, not trying to sway her one way or the other. She turns her head to him and smiles, seeing her luck and love personified before her.

The doors open and Guy Self walks in, causing Serena to groan to herself. "Well, Ms. Campbell," the CEO smiles at her. "You've had us all in a bit of a flap."

"I like to keep you on your toes," she retorts, raising an eyebrow at him. She should have known he would show his face eventually, and she considers herself lucky he's not walked in on the madness of last night. "I hear you're moving me to Keller," she adds, her tone slightly stroppy.

"Best place for you," he replies. "And anyway, it's better to be around people you know."  
>"Is it?" she says. "Let me see...Sacha Levy running around after me, Dominic and Arthur trying to get one over on each other and Zosia digging around inside my head. Sounds like enormous fun." Guy smiles at the mention of his daughter and Serena can so easily see he intensely loves the girl who won't let him in, and she feels momentarily sorry for him. She's got her daughter back but he is yet to regain that bond with Zosia.<p>

He sits down next to Ric and says, "You got yourself in one hell of a state. One hell of a situation, as well."

"Well, that was kind of the point," she sarcastically drawls at him.

He pulls her phone from his pocket and informs her, "The police gave me that last night. They've got all they need off it. They'll want to speak to you but I'm holding them off until you're fitter. By their own admission, that's more than enough to prosecute him for attempted murder. 'Open and shut,' as the DSI said." Serena exhales slowly and takes her phone from him, looking at the lock screen – a photo of her and Eleanor. "The video is still on there. They didn't delete it."

Serena doesn't deal with that issue; instead she locks the phone once more. "Thanks," she says. "How is everyone? Sacha, Raf, Mary-Claire, Jac, the Three Musketeers...or should I say the Three Stooges?"

"Fine, they're all fine," he assures her. "Now, we've got to get you moved."

"If you must," Serena grumbles, making Ric smile warmly at her. "I can walk!" she protests when Guy gets a wheelchair. "Guy, I can walk. Back me up here, Ric!"

Ric chuckles and replies, "Serena, you can make our lives hell if you want but you are most definitely _not_ capable of walking from here to Keller." She huffs slightly and gingerly pulls the covers off; she's not seen her legs until now but they are covered in bruises and there are a few cuts. She carefully swings her legs around and Ric helps her off the bed and into the wheelchair; she reluctantly allows herself to lean on him when it becomes clear her leg muscles are too sore to take her weight, even for the short distance she asks them to travel.

Guy pushes the chair as Ric holds doors open as they come, always walking close to Serena. "You know, Serena, there's this little thing called patience. You're going to need it."

"Funny man," she snaps, but she smiles anyway when she sees the amused sparkle in his eyes. He's right though – to put up with her family, Sacha, Zosia, Arthur and Dom day in and day out, she's going to need and lots of it, and patience is something she's lacked her whole life. Even her nursery school report card had said as much.

When they arrive on Keller it isn't long before Sacha finds them, helping Serena get into her bed with a warm smile. She reminds herself that he annoys her with the best of intent, and that he's a good doctor and an even better man; there have been a few occasions he has watched her back on AAU, after all. She exchanges an entertained glance with Ric, who seems to be thoroughly enjoying seeing her stuck between Guy, who irritates the life out of her at the best of times, and Sacha, whose demeanour is happy and head-mincingly optimistic.

"Now, anything you need, you_ ask_," Sacha emphasises to her. "I know you're used to being in charge but here _I_ look after _you_." She glares playfully at him but he takes it completely the wrong way and adds, "Sorry-"

"Don't be," she cuts him off. She grins up at him tiredly; the single trip between ICU and Keller has taken an unbelievable amount of energy out of her. "You're looking out for me. It's about time I started letting people do that," she reluctantly admits. She turns to look at Ric, meeting his eyes to see his love for her. He leans down and steals a kiss, not bothering to hide their relationship after she publicly kissed him on AAU before walking into what she thought was going to be her grave. "Now get back to work, the lot of you," she orders them.

"Good to see you're still a bossy little madam," Guy mutters. "I'll see you later."

Ric laughs and kisses her goodbye, saying, "You might get to laze around for a while longer but I fear Raf and Harry may tear each other apart in my absence."

"Oh, yes," Serena smiles. "We wouldn't want that, despite the amount of peace and quiet it would give us." She smirks as he laughs and adds, "Love you."

"Love you!" he calls back over his shoulder.

Serena cannot disguise her smile and Sacha spots it. He opens his mouth to speak and she raises her eyebrow at him, silencing the man before he can even speak. He just chuckles and leaves her to it, leaving her to watch the news on the television hanging on the wall; between reports on Europe, America and Africa, Scottish independence, local road conditions and local weather problems, she sees her face and Greg's next to each other, with the report that he has been charged with her attempted murder.. Her photo appears as her Holby staff photo from when she first joined here, her smile charming and her hair just slightly longer. Greg's is a picture of him clearly on a night out, holding a pint and a pool cue, wearing a smile as charming as Serena's, though with the malevolence of a snake waiting to strike.

She sighs and accepts that everyone must now know that her own son-in-law tried to kill her, and that everyone will have their own opinions and their own points of view. Her thoughts wander to her children and her grandchild; she wants to see Serenity but she's just proven to herself that it will tire her out too much, and that her company won't be much use to the girl if this is how she's going to end up feeling if she goes down to AAU.

Her attention is diverted by Zosia March, who sits in the chair next to the bed. Serena braces herself for Zosia's personal psych evaluation but it never comes, at least not in any way she expects. "How are you, Ms. Campbell?" she asks with a smile.

"Lucky to be alive," Serena quips.

"_Very_ lucky, if the rumours are to be believed."

Serena stares at her, wondering what's making the young woman approach her. She knows better than to think Zosia is going to spit it out without encouragement, so she sighs, "What is it?"

Zosia hesitates, clearly rethinking her decision to approach her. "There was a man came looking for you last night," she quietly says. "He says he saw you were hurt on the news and he wanted to know you're alright. I told him you were still in ICU and it's family only at this point, but I was wondering...would you like to see him?"

Serena laughs at her rambling and informs her, "Well, it depends. You haven't told me who it is yet!"

"Oh, um...he says his name is Alan Cumberland," Zosia replies. The name freezes Serena; she's not heard from nor of him for over thirty years. What's he doing here? What does he intend to do? Panic spreads through Serena as fast as her reaction causes it to spread across Zosia's youthful face. "Ms. Campbell?"

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><p><em>Reviewscomments welcome._


	25. Chapter 25

_Sorry this has taken so long to write. Had a pretty crap week and I needed to sort myself out, so I put this on the back burner for a few days. Thanks to all who read and review._

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><p>Serena can't move; she can't believe Zosia is telling the truth. After all, what could possibly bring Alan here, all these years later? "Are you afraid of him?" she distantly hears Zosia say. "He's seems a perfectly pleasant man. And he's got a wife and a son with him, so he's not going to hurt you."<p>

"He's got a son?" Serena manages to ask, turning to look at the F1.

"Two," she smiles. "And a daughter, but she's living in Canada at the moment. Apparently she's an engineering manager in Ontario. He's very proud of her. His youngest son is still at high school, and his middle child, he's working on the North Sea oil rigs. He loves to talk about them." Serena takes in the news that Shayna's father has built a successful and seemingly happy family...it makes her wonder if there is something so wrong with Shayna and herself that he had felt the need to kill them, yet here he is with another family.

"A family of engineers," she whispers. "Figures." She remembers Alan always has been very good at technical building and the knowledge behind it, and she can recall he was the one who always helped her in physics until she got the hang of it – it's a subject she has always despised, even at school level.

Zosia smiles slightly and replies, "He's waiting in the relatives' room. Would you like me to fetch him for you?"

Serena doesn't even know if she wants to see him; she wants his answers but she's terrified of him. She feels weak for it but it's true. She fears him because she almost died at his hands, and because he made an attempt on their daughter's life. Shayna can't know he's here or even who he is, because he will terrify her as much as he terrifies Serena. Just as everything has been looking up, into her life he wanders, probably to shatter all the pieces she has put back together. She should have known there would inevitably be a spanner in her precious works. She just never expected that spanner would be _him_.

"Ms. Campbell?" Zosia says, but it sounds vague, quiet...like she's a thousand miles away. Maybe she is, because Serena doesn't feel like the girl is next to her. She's thirty-two years in the past, threatened and vulnerable, her life on the line. She's young and confused once more, seeing the madness in her boyfriend's eyes.

Sound, light and time stand still as she tries to work out which version of herself she is. Is she sixteen and terrified or forty-eight and completely in control? Or are they the same person residing in this battered, bruised body? Does she need her mother or is she the mother who is needed? Is she safe or is she on the run? She feels her heart hammering in her chest, unable to remain calm much longer. She's remembered now why he sends her into a paralysis of fear. She can't face him. Of course she can't. She doesn't even really know why she even thought she can.

The monitors beep a warning that her heart is beating too fast and her blood pressure is rising. "Serena, calm down," Zosia says gently. She feels Zosia's slim hand in hers and it reminds her that she's here, with Zosia, and not in a bedroom with Alan Cumberland. "If you don't want to see him I can tell him you'll make a full recovery but that you're not well enough to see him. OK?"

Allowing herself to be a coward, Serena nods and tries to calm herself, concentrating on Zosia's hand squeezing lightly on her own, knowing nothing can touch her in the safety of the ward. Keller is safe. She should know that – she runs the place, after all. She knows Sacha is actually a little bit protective of her, and that Zosia has a kind heart beneath the hatred she aims mostly at her father.

Here, she is safe. All she needs to do is say something and her friends and colleagues will do their utmost to keep her and Alan apart; she is admittedly intrigued as to how his life has panned out, but that doesn't mean she's got the courage to see his face again. She can feel her heart return to its normal state as she begins to let the fear wash away from it. She's here, on Keller, very much alive. Nobody can lay their hands on her with these people around her.

She wants Ric, her rock, to be here but she knows she can't call on him every time she gets a fright. He would never get peace. "I'm getting your daughters in," Zosia asserts. Serena doesn't expect her to get involved but then she does know Zosia has a sense of what she feels is right and wrong for people. "You need your family around you."

"No," Serena flatly puts that idea out of the equation. "They need to sort themselves out and they can't do that with me between them. They need Edward and Ric to help them, not me. They're not going to come in here until they're speaking to each other."

"Alright," Zosia sighs. "Yes, I can understand that. The last thing you need is the stress of being piggy in the middle right now." Serena smiles, knowing she's won the girl around to her way of thinking. "However, I do want you to get some sleep." Serena knows she's right, acknowledging the tiredness in her head and bones from shifting wards. She smiles gently and settles down; her body settles but her mind speeds up, rushing back and forth in time until she has no idea what decade, county, country, continent, relationship or life she is in by the time she closes her eyes.

Faces morph into one another...Ric to Edward, Edward to Alan, Alan to Shayna, Shayna to Eleanor, Eleanor to Adrienne. Then Adrienne changes and she's looking in a mirror, standing in a hospital gown, her pale skin bruised and battered. The room around her spins in a whirl of hazed colours, light and darkness dancing through each other, and she can just about hear it moving around her. She looks around at the wonder of the lights and she doesn't know whether to feel fear or amazement.

She hears a cry, a baby's cry, and she turns on her heel, her mind working on sheer instinct. An old cot her father made stands at the wall, pink blankets and a little teddy bear in beside a baby. Serena's daughter. She turns to the mirror again for only a moment; she's sixteen, dressed in jeans and a sweater, her hair long and wavy. She picks up the baby and hushes her; if she's sixteen then the girl she holds now must be Shayna.

When Shayna doesn't stop wailing, Serena freezes up. Her mother will know what to do, so she sets Shayna gently back in her cot and runs down the stairs for her mum. "I'll just put this away and I'll be up in a minute, Rena," Adrienne tells her. With a sigh of relief Serena trudges back up the stairs; as much as she loves her baby girl, motherhood is exhausting, even with her parents' considerable input.

When she reaches the bedroom, she smiles as she sees the familiar figure of her loving boyfriend, standing over the cot. The baby is quiet, and Serena's heart leaps into her mouth when she sees why; he's holding a pillow down into the cot. Serena rushes over and knocks him away with all the force and strength her body possesses. Breathless, she shouts at him, "What the _hell_ are you playing at?!" She stares at him and sees his eyes consumed in some sort of madness she's never seen before. He doesn't speak, and she wonders how he even got in here in her slight absence. It's then that she sees the open window, the sunlight and fragrant breeze flooding in. "You climbed in the _window_?! What's wrong with the front door?"

Again he remains silent but a flash crosses his eyes, and his faces contorts in rage, his hands bruising into her arms. She wrestles against him but in such close contact, her slim sixteen-year-old's body is no match for his adrenaline fuelled strength. She puts her foot forward, her heeled boot kicking his shin, knocking him back in shock. She dances around him, taking him as far away from their daughter as she possibly can.

He draws himself to his full height and advances towards her as she backs away from him. She feels the edge of the window sill against her lower back and wonders what on Earth has got into him. "Alan, stop," she calmly orders him, but it's clear he's not going to. What's happened to him, her loving, caring, adorable boyfriend?

She finds she's sitting on the window sill when he reaches out for her upper arms, gripping them tightly and pushing her back. She grabs onto the frame of the window for dear life, the stray splinters of wood digging into her skin.

There's only one thing left to do: scream. It may just save her life. "_Dad_!" she screams through the house, through the open door. "Dad, help me!" She feels the wind on her back and is acutely aware of the drop to the concrete patio below.

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><p>Ric strides back onto Keller with little patience for his own forgetfulness; the files he had meant to take with him to AAU are lying at the nurses' station, ready to be knocked over by Zosia March's elbow as her attention is absorbed by a yellow sticky note she stares at, caught between her thumb and index finger. "You look like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders," he comments, scooping up the files before she can knock them over.<p>

"Hmm," Zosia replies. "Someone came to see Ms. Campbell. She said she couldn't see him so he left this phone number in case she ever changes her mind. He seemed quite desperate to see her, really."

Ric says nothing, not wanting to say the wrong thing. Of course he wonders why a man would ask to see Serena, but it's not really his place. She's had a life before now – probably several lives – and he knows they will occasionally overlap. So when he does speak, he says, "He's probably just a university friend or something."

"She seemed a bit-" Zosia begins, but she is promptly cut off.

A scream splits through Keller, shattering the air into a million broken, stunned pieces. The rest of the ward falls silent, only making the terrified sound seem louder and shriller as it echos through the still and shocked atmosphere. Ric turns to the direction from which the noise comes, and finds it's an unconscious Serena making the racket. "Dad!"she screams out.

Ric runs to her, his hand instinctively falling gently onto her face. "Serena," he says. "Wake up!" Still sleeping, she screams again, and this time he shakes her shoulder as he repeats, "Wake _up_, Serena!"

Her eyes open suddenly and she moves with a start until she realises it's him ad not whoever she's been dreaming of. "Ric," she breathes out. He exchanges a worried look with Zosia, who stands on the other side of the bed with a concerned and slightly frightened expression, obviously shaken by Serena's loss of control while she was sleeping. "What's happened? Shouldn't you be on AAU?"

"AAU can wait," Ric dismisses her worries. "You need me right now, and Raf can hold the fort a while longer."

"Who says I need you?" she asks him, her eyes defensive and darker than usual.

"Your screams," he tells her, his answer simple and true. He sits down and nods to Zosia, who willingly leaves them, looking like she can't get out of there fast enough. "Serena, you're going to have to let me in. What's happened?"

She stares at him and he knows she _wants_ to tell him everything, but she's struggling to explain it or even get the words from her heart to her mouth. "You don't want to know," she whispers to him, but it's clear in her eyes that she wants him to listen, and to want to be there for her.

"I want to know."

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><p><em>Reviewscomments welcome._


	26. Chapter 26

_This didn't do the way I originally planned - it's a lot softer and fluffier than I first intended. Not my fault. Definitely NOT my fault. Thanks as always to those reading/reviewing._

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><p>Serena lies back down on her side, noting it hurts less now that she's distracted by fear. She can see Ric means what he says, and she's never had someone who actually <em>wants<em> to sit and listen to her, not because he has to but because he loves her, and he cares enough that he wants to know her. All of her, the good, the bad and the ugly. There is a lot of bad and a lot of ugly in her past, and she can't outrun it much longer when it runs faster than she can possibly hope to.

"Shayna's father came to visit me," she whispers to him. "I refused to see him."

"He tried to kill you. I don't blame you for not wanting to see him," Ric points out, his fingers stroking her cheek ever so lightly. Despite her torment she smiles at his touch, her fingertips on the back of his raised hand. She pulls his hand away slightly and kisses his fingertips, just glad he seems to understand her fear and its crippling intensity. "Budge over," he sighs. She looks at him as he gets to his feet, confused as to why he wanted her to move. "Just move over." She slowly and carefully shifts her body back, cautious not to rip any stitches.

He lifts the blankets with a little endearing smile. "What are you doing?" she asks nervously. She's aware the whole ward can see them, including Zosia, Dom and Arthur, whose respect she does not want to waver if they see her vulnerabilities on display. Ric kicks off his trainers and carefully climbs under the covers with her. "Ric," she whispers, glaring at him; his face is mere inches from hers, and she can't help but allow an amused smirk at him and his feigning of innocence so clearly painted on his face. She leans in and presses her mouth to his, and she feels his arm gently fall over her waist. "You're bad," she childishly accuses him, though she does inch closer to him.

"I know I am," he grins. "Don't you think it's time you let me love you properly?"

"And this is you loving me, is it?" Her eyebrow is raised but it doesn't faze him; it never does, really. She whispers to him, "You can't love me better than this." He doesn't know how nice this is, but she does. She knows he is sweeter than her than anyone ever is, because he sees beneath what she lets him see. To Edward and Alan she had been fearless and rough, but to Ric, she's just Serena. She knows he can never understand the difference, but he's seen her fear where others haven't, and he's seen her cracks where others have totally missed them, and accepted them with such ease. She's only human, and he's the first to treat her as such.

He smiles and kisses her forehead, and she sees the little smiles Zosia, Arthur and Dom wear as Sacha, openly beaming, leads them past her bed and through the ward. "Now," he says to her. "Are you going to tell me why you've been screaming for your dad?"

"Is that what I was doing?" she asks him. It figures – in her dreams and her memories, she screams for her father, the one person who had been able to save her in that situation. If it hadn't been for her dad, she would have fallen out of that window, or else pushed by the father of her child. She knows her father is the only reason she lived through that. Her parents had always supported and loved her, even when she had been foolish enough to get pregnant at sixteen. She remembers the fear she felt the night she walked into the living room and told them she was pregnant, expecting one of them to come an angry slap off her. But neither one had; instead they had sat down as a unit – her parents, herself and Alan – and come up with a plan that made the impact minimal for everyone and, most importantly, made it feasible for Serena to be a mother and a teenager in equal measure.

"Come on," he gently urges her. "What exactly happened with Shayna's dad? I _know_ that's what you were dreaming of." She looks straight into his eyes and finds she trusts him. She doesn't know why, and she can't put her finger on what makes her think he can be trusted, but she does. "You're not weak for not wanting to see him, if that's what you're worried about." He knows her too well. He even knows her motives and her fears. He sees the lies she tells and the truths behind them, and he always seems be able to show her some light even in the darkest of days. In nearly two years, he has made her smile so many times when all she had wanted to do was lose her rag completely.

"He tried to push me out the window and he tried to smother Shayna, Ric." He voice is barely more than a murmur, but their faces are so close together that it really doesn't matter. It's all he needs to know and she can see it in his face; he understands that for a sixteen-year-old that is more than enough to scar her for life. "The strange thing is there's a part of me wants to speak to him, to know why he did what he did, but I've not got the nerve to face him."

"You do, you know," he informs her. She stares at him for an explanation, and she doesn't understand why he smiles at her flaws. "You've got the nerve to do anything you put your mind to." She lets out a soft laugh at his faith in her, knowing that she's not perfect. He knows that; he must know that by now, the number of times she's manage to wind him up and lightly offend him. Yet here he lies with her, and she allows herself to just be, with no shield between them. Leaning her forehead against his, their noses lightly touching, she closes her eyes, letting the memories race around each other.

She eventually opens her eyes when everything slows down, and the warm darkness of his eyes is the first thing she sees. "Do you know what I see when I think of him?" Ric doesn't answer, only waiting patiently for her to continue. "I see a boy who had been just as scared as me that day. Just as scared as me when he found me a year later. I might still be scared of him, after all these years, but I don't see a monster. I can't hate him. I've tried and tried and tried, but I can't do it. Just like I can't hate Edward, I can't hate Alan, because they never asked to have some sort of bad connection in their minds that made them an alcoholic and a homicidal maniac. They didn't _want_ to do the do the things they did."

Ric openly grins and she lightly smacks his side indignantly as punishment for his amusement in the most serious of situations. "I'm sorry," he immediately says. "It's just that the whole world is scared of upsetting you because they don't want you to hate them, but you can forgive the men who put you through hell and back."

"There's something wrong with them," she explains gently. "Do you really think they wanted to be like that?"

"Of course not. Addiction is an ugly thing, most of all for the person addicted." It's a reprieve for Edward; Serena knows Ric has been far from impressed by the way Edward has treated her, but she's relieved that he can see what she can see – that Edward is suffering as much now as he has ever made anyone else to. "So what are you going to do about Shayna? Are you going to tell her her father was here?"

Serena thinks on that for a moment. It isn't a good idea. Serena might be able to refrain from hating Alan, but she doubts that Shayna can. She's been through enough already. She has enough still to battle through, too, and she doesn't need this adding to the confusion. She's loathe to lie to her daughter, even if only by omission, but she's trying to spare her child the pain of it all. "No," she sighs in the end. "I don't think she can handle it right now. She's got her own child to worry about."

Ric says nothing about it apart from, "You've probably got a valid point there."

She leans in and softly kisses him; she has stopped caring about the humanity the world can see in her. If this is true humanity, to be flawed and scared and loved, then she can think of nothing better than to feel everything, the good and the bad. She can think of nothing better than to lie here in Ric's arms, knowing he's made the time for her just so he can hear what her mind is saying. Maybe her humanity is not her weakness. It is just her. It's just what she is: human. Try as she might, to be anything else would be the twisted realisation of her biggest fears. She's always been scared that she will one day galvanise herself against the world to such an extreme that she will cease to be human in its most basic and its truest form.

Serena can feel Ric pull away from her, though his arm pulls her body slightly closer. "And what about you. What are _you_ going to do?" he asks of her.

Now _that_ is a good question. She wants to know what went so badly wrong on those two days, what caused two encounters that almost cost her life. She wants to know if he's alright and if he's happy. She wants to know if he regrets his actions, if he knows the hurt and trouble he's caused. She wants to know so many things, but she's too frightened to face him and ask him all the questions she wants answers to.

What if he turns on her? Her mind can't take another beating at the moment, and her body definitely can't. Her heart is bruised, her mind tired and her body aching. How can seeing the man who struck the first blows be in any way positive?

Her need to keep control is diminishing slowly. She doesn't want to be in so much control that nobody knows how she feels. She wants certain people to understand her. Her family need to understand her, or she will end up making them hate her. But Serena knows she won't let that happen; Ric has told her already that she needs to let people, _him_, in.

He's right. She has the strength to do it, and he's just found it for her. He doesn't know it, and she doesn't really think he ever will, but he's dug up something inside her she's always thought has been long lost. Suddenly she's got the strength within her she had as a teenager sitting with her family, planning how pregnancy and motherhood can somehow work for her. It's the strength of knowing that, whatever walls she slams up against, she will always have someone on her side, who will love her through it.

Maybe it's time she starts being open, being who she is. Maybe who she is isn't so bad after all. Maybe it's time Ric knows how he's affecting her. "You give me the courage I didn't know I have," she whispers to him. She smiles at him slightly, seeing him return it lazily. Lying down with her, it seems, was not his best laid plan. He's tired now, and she doubts he's had much sleep in the past few days; she knows that's probably her fault so she doesn't protest. Instead she snuggles into him, her face pressed gently into his shoulder.

She feels his body gradually relax next to hers, and she sees Sacha approach with caution. "Just leave him," Serena murmurs when he goes to shake Ric awake. Sacha just beams down at them and walks away, leaving Serena to drift into a more peaceful, loving sleep.

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><p><em>Comments and reviews are always welcome.<em>


	27. Chapter 27

_Again. This. It's not what I planned. But oh well. Thanks again to all reading/reviewing._

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><p>Her face buried into Ric's shoulder, Serena wonders to herself if the courage he raises in her is enough to steel her to face her own past. She feels his grip tighten around her as he sleeps, and it's almost as if he can sense when she's thinking about her dangers – he's done it several times in the past hour she's been awake, every time she can feel her heart hammering in her chest with fear. His intense way of holding her in his sleep makes her smile, knowing he can't control what he does while he sleeps, showing her his unadulterated feelings for her. This, she could never doubt.<p>

When she looks up she sees Mary-Claire Carter sitting in the chair with a magazine, half a sandwich and a bar of chocolate, and her apparently sudden and unexplained appearance.

"There are more of AAU's staff on Keller than on AAU," Serena grumbles sleepily. "It must be even more of a hell hole than usual down there with half the workers by my bed. Or in it," she adds as an afterthought, feeling Ric pull her close again. Though she's been awake, she's been lost in herself and in Ric, not looking up or hearing the world around her.

"Everyone is entitled to a lunch break," Mary-Claire retorts.

"And you want to spend it watching me sleep," Serena answers back, realising that everyone on the ward is convinced she has fallen asleep with Ric and not woke up yet. "That's a little creepy." Mary-Claire smiles and Serena sees she's holding something back.

"I've spent every meal break with you since you came out of surgery," the nurse confesses; her usual arrogance has eluded her, and Serena sees a glimpse of the true Mary-Claire Carter – kind, with a heart of gold. "Your lot would go for a bite to eat for an hour and I'd sit with you while they were gone and leave before they came back."

Serena is lost for words; she's never seen this side of Mary-Claire, nor can she understand what possesses the girl to waste her lunch break sitting with her. "Why?" is all she can ask, trying to keep her voice down so as not to wake Ric.

"Why not?" It's a guard Mary-Claire uses, one Serena has used many times herself. The redhead sighs and admits, "Seeing you in that state...it scared me half to death. Suddenly I couldn't imagine this place without you. I couldn't see _me_ without you standing over my shoulder, telling me off for being lazy. I was even reading bits out of magazines to you," she shamefacedly smiles. She puts her arm across Ric's body and reaches for Mary-Claire's hand, touched that the woman actually cares about her. After everything that happened with Edward, Serena honestly wouldn't blame her for refusing to go near the Campbell-Roberts-Griffin-McKinnie débâcle with a ten foot barge pole. "Ric's got no idea. I didn't know how he'd take to it."

"He said you had to give him and Raf a little talking to," Serena gently smiles. She glances down at Ric as he stirs a little, his head leaning into her neck. "You probably saved my life, so thanks for that, whatever you said to them." Mary-Claire turns just a little bit red, and Serena can't help but outwardly smile at her as she drops her hand into the one hanging over Ric's body.

"Why are you harder on me than the rest?" Mary-Claire asks her quietly. The question takes her by surprise, but she can see where the nurse is coming from. She _is_ stricter with Mary-Claire than most others, as is Ric, but it's not just because she needs a firm hand at times. There's a good heart in there somewhere beneath the larking about and the laziness, and a damned good nurse, and everyone but Mary-Claire can see it. "Don't deny it, Serena," she adds when she doesn't get an immediate answer, finishing her sandwich.

Serena huffs slightly. "There's so much more in you than you let everyone see," Serena explains. "More than even you can see. The fight you put up against Edward was proof of that. You know right and wrong, and your heart is fierce. You just need a good push sometimes."

"So when you nag me and pick on me..."

"I'm pushing you because I know you're so much better than hiding behind a magazine and sleeping with the likes of Harry and Edward." Serena sees her smile, her bright eyes shining with tears at being told of her worth; it's clear her confidence has taken many hard knocks recently, mostly thanks to Edward and Harry, and she doesn't see in herself what other people can. "You need to stop defining yourself by who you're in bed with. You're worth so much more than that."

The Irishwoman says nothing but opens the bar of chocolate and splits it in two; Serena glances at the clock and sees she has twenty minutes before lunch break is over.

Mary-Claire passes half the bar of chocolate over to her and it hits Serena just how long it's been since she ate the stuff. "Oh, I think I love you," she smiles. "Thanks." It wakes Ric and he looks up at her with a smile. She breaks off a piece of chocolate and puts it into his mouth with a soft kiss to his head. She doesn't miss Mary-Claire's smile and informs him, "Did you know we've got a visitor?" He stretches his neck around to see a slightly nervous-looking Mary-Claire.

"Oh, hello," he says.

"I was wondering where you'd got to," smirks Mary-Claire. "Should've figured you'd be in bed with Serena." Serena glares at her for her smart comment, but Mary-Claire does not relent. "Not that I don't think it's totally and completely adorable to see you all snuggled up together." Serena can feel her cheeks turning pink and she notices Ric's uncomfortable smirk as his head falls back onto the pillow. "Yeah, you'd be as well going back to sleep, Mr. Griffin. Your shift's over in about an hour anyway."

It's a fair point – Serena knows Ric's had his shifts cut while Guy agrees to take on some of his work as she recovers from her attack, but he's been struggling with a lack of sleep and an excess of stress. It's no wonder he's fallen asleep with her.

She's always loved how Mary-Claire can say whatever she's thinking of with no self-consciousness, always pointing out the blatantly obvious and the brilliantly hidden. But all that is a guise in itself, because the girl doesn't believe in herself. Serena knows this – she can see it a mile off – and she knows it is exactly why Edward found it so easy to use her, as had Harry. It's her biggest flaw, that inability to see her own worth, and it sometimes saddens Serena that she thinks so little of herself as to let Edward Campbell, of all people, run rings around her.

"I should probably get up," Ric admits. "If I don't, I'll end up spending the rest of the day and the night in bed."

Serena grins and whispers to him, her lips grazing his lightly, "Would that be such a bad thing?"

"Get a room!" Mary-Claire loudly protests. It's amusing to hear her outward disgust, and Serena can see Ric grinning at her at the nurse's reaction. "Ugh. I'm going back down to AAU. Hopefully Scooby and Scrappy won't have ripped each other to shreds. Or maybe I hope they have," she amends, clearly seeing the benefits of Raf and Harry's collective demise. She stands up and puts her rubbish in the bin, flashing a bright smile back at them before she leaves the ward.

Serena shakes her head to herself as she watches Mary-Claire leave. She smiles to herself and leans in to kiss Ric, feeling his hand slip down her back slightly. She feels that shot of courage run through her again; every time she opens another little bit of herself up to him, she finds more of her own courage, buried deep by years of telling herself she is not in possession of it, unearthed by Ric's love and compassion. Though she's found strength she keeps running, but now that she thinks on it, what is there to run from anymore? It's not like anyone can touch her while she's here – Greg only managed it because she had made damn sure he could. If she had been with Ric or Sacha or Guy, that would never have happened. She knows that for a fact.

She desperately wants to face the last of her demons, the oldest ghost to haunt her for over thirty years, yet she doubts her own resolve. It exposes yet another human frailty in her, caused by years of being terrified of her own memories. Over the years, she's figured out how to bury it deep down where she cannot see it, but even if she can't see it, she can feel it shaking through her. She needs to confront it if she's ever going to get some peace from her demons.

It's only when Ric speaks that she's pulled from her reverie. "What are you thinking?" he asks her, his voice laced with concern as it always is when she goes quiet on him. They both know that her going quiet is more worrying than her sounding off.

"I think..." she begins slowly, still contemplating her decision for the final time. "I think I want to see him. Alan, I mean."

"Why?" Ric says. She can see he is genuinely interested, something she can't quite get herself used to. His fingers reach up to move her fringe aside, his hand eventually coming to rest on her cheek. "Nobody would blame you if you were to avoid the man like the plague."

Serena wriggles closer to him, closing the tiny gap between them, as she ignores the physical pain it causes her to move. "It's the last thing I need to face," she makes an attempt to explain her motives. "He's the only thing, the only person, I've never confronted. If I can do it, I might be able live. He's still there in my mind, and sometimes it's torture to imagine who he is now and what he did then. I want to know why. I want his answers, but I need to ask the questions. I have to face him to do that."

She sees him smile and brings her face forward, her nose brushing lightly against his. "Flawed logic," he says to her, and she knows exactly what he's getting at. "What if seeing him does you more harm than good? You're terrified of him, Serena. Any fool can see that."

"The worst fear a person can have is the fear of their own emotions, stirred by the fear of fear itself," Serena says gently. "That's what my dad always told me. And, do you know, I think he's right. I'm more afraid of how much he scares me than I am of the man himself. I mean, what can he really do here, in the middle of a ward teeming with people who would protect me?"

"And me," he reminds her. "You always have me."

"That I do," she sighs. "As you have me."

"Zosia's got his phone number," Ric reveals. "I wasn't going to say anything until you said you want to see him."

Serena's eyes widen slightly as she realises he always knew she would want to see Alan. He knew before she even knew. "How did you..." she trails away, her voice failing her upon seeing how well he actually knows her.

"You're Serena," he explains to her, as if it's as clear as day. "I know you better than to think you would shy away from him. You build yourself up until you're capable of doing something, and I've been waiting for you to build yourself up. Actually, it hasn't taken half as long as I've been expecting."

She reaches out and puts her arm around him, raising her other hand to touch his lips with her thumb. It's an intense yet comforting kiss they share, her fingers roaming his face and feeling the warmth of his skin, revelling in the bond they've found. She feels his heart beating against hers, their bodies leaning into one another in an embrace that she knows she should feel so comfortable sharing in the middle of the ward. "I told you earlier," she says. "You give me courage I didn't know I have."

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><p><em>Commentsreviews welcome._


	28. Chapter 28

_Completely ridiculous time to be updating this but I've not long finished the chapter since I had to go up north today. All those hours on the A9 can really drain a person. Thanks, as usual, to all reading/reviewing._

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><p>Eleanor stands at the end of the ward, trying to work out how on Earth she's supposed to live her 'normal' life again. She has a sister she's never known, a crazy, murderous brother-in-law, a sweet little niece, an alcoholic father and a seriously injured mother...a week ago, she had been living it up at university. Now she stands clueless, wondering what her life will be from now on. Never has she known such insanity, even in her family. The Campbells had been renowned, even when Eleanor was a child, for their high-octane rows and early morning rushes. She just hadn't known what it all meant as a little girl.<p>

In that sense, she envies Shayna for her lucky escape. But a late night conversation can reveal a lot, and it transpires Shayna's life hasn't been a bed of roses. But it hasn't made anything any easier for her. She still can't see how the women is her family. She can't think like her mum, who sees blood ties rather than this mysterious, strange woman who says very little and doesn't retaliate to Eleanor's provocation.

"Eleanor," she hears her father's voice; he looks like hell. She realised only last night that this his attempt to quit drinking, and it's obvious he is suffering for it. But she is proud of him for trying, and for sticking it out so far. "You've got to speak to your mum at some point. You know that, don't you?" She can feel his arm around her shoulders and she leans into him. For the first time, she truly trusts her father's loyalty over her mother's.

"I know," she sighs. "I know."

"And you've got to trust her," he adds. "She's been protecting you your whole life. Me, your granny, Shayna...things could be very different if she hadn't had that courage." She can't understand how what Serena did can be seen as courage. Instead of bringing up her child, instead of dealing with the threat, she had run away. That's not courage. To Eleanor, that's sheer cowardice. All she sees is that she's never had to deal with the fallout of her own stupidity until now, three decades later. How can they all say Serena is brave when all she ever does is ignore everything problematic?

Eleanor has never felt ashamed of her mother before now, but that is how she feels. The hypocrisy of being told always to be strong is laughable, because her mother, the one who teaches her these lessons of strength, courage and honesty, is not strong, courageous or honest herself. Everything she's ever known is a lie. Who Shayna is as a human being is irrelevant. She's not Eleanor's sister – she is a perfect stranger, a woman nearly fifteen years her senior with a child and a career and a broken marriage, sauntering into this life Eleanor tries to lead and completely messing it up for her. Why can't she just take her issues and her attempts to be normal elsewhere and leave Eleanor's family alone? What right does she have to claim Serena as her mother, completely pushing her younger sister, the one who was actually raised by her mother, out of the picture?

She doesn't know any other life; she's never had to share either parent with anyone aside from wives, work and alcohol. How can Serena expect her to welcome this Shayna with open arms? Seeing Serenity, her niece, has done nothing to ease her mind. If anything, it's confused her more. No matter what, that little girl does deserve to have a family, and this one is the only one she can ever have now that things have gone the way they have. She hasn't got it in her to deprive an eight-year-old of her family.

She cannot be that girl who just accepts everything thrown at her, forgiving the people who do the throwing. She's not cut out for life as the daughter of Serena Campbell anymore. There's too much going on, too much changing, and she can't be the daughter they all want her to be.

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><p>Ric can only watch as Eleanor turns away, leaving Edward to pull his hand over his face. Obviously whatever he's said to his daughter hasn't done much to change her mind, and Ric is just thankful Serena hasn't seen Eleanor; she's half asleep and oblivious to the world around her. Ric strides up to Edward, reminding himself that the man is putting himself through hell at the moment and it would not be smart to wind him up. "Eleanor's tune hasn't changed then," Ric sighs, leaning against the nurses' station.<p>

"Don't think I haven't tried," Edward grumbles. "I've tried to talk her round. I've got her to go and see her niece. I've made her and Shayna sit in a room and speak. Nothing's working."

"Like mother like daughter," Ric laughs; he knows Eleanor is like her mum – stubborn. Ridiculously so. "I would try myself but it's not my place."

"I just don't know what to do about her."

Edward groans slightly, and Ric notices he is remarkably calm for a man obviously going through alcohol withdrawal. But then everyone's body deals with these things differently, and there are people who would be going out of their minds and making it plain to see. Maybe Edward _is_ feeling like he's losing his mind. It's just that he's very good at hiding it, just as he has been very good at hiding the alcoholism itself.

"Serena doesn't want to come between them," Ric quietly explains Serena's recent distance from her daughters. "She wants them to try and get along."

"I hate to say it, but Shayna is trying to get along and be a decent sister. The only thing Eleanor is trying is mine and her mother's patience," he admits. The honesty takes Ric by surprise, as he's never really thought it is something Edward is very capable of.

"Perhaps if you just give her enough time, she'll eventually accept Shayna as a sister."

"It's not just her relationship with Shayna that worries me. I'm beginning to think she hates her mum as well."

"She was perfectly pleasant the other day." That is perfectly true; Eleanor had been as worried about Serena as everyone else, and as happy and relieved as everyone else to see her wake up. That coming from a girl raised by Serena and Edward Campbell means nothing, though. Ric knows if Eleanor has learned anything from her parents, it's how to lie and how to do it well. The fact she is glad to see her mother alive isn't an indication of whatever anger, hurt or hatred she may currently feel. The fact that she's just walked away from her mother, however, paints a picture worth a thousand words.

Edward looks at the floor for a moment as Ric wonders what he's thinking. He's never seen the man truly contemplative; most of the time he has spent around Edward, the latter has been spending his time winding Serena up to boiling point. "No, I've seen her hurt before, and I'm usually the one to do it. This is a completely different level to anything I've ever caused," Edward explains. "I've messed my wife up. I've messed my daughter up. I have pretty much messed my life up, haven't I?"

Ric hesitates for fear of exacerbating the current situation. He can tell he is the only one whose mind is reasonably clear – everyone else's vision, even Adrienne's, has been clouded by fear, hurt and hatred. But he cannot disagree with Edward, though he can very much sympathise. After all, how many children and wives has he had? How many people has he, at the time, unwittingly hurt? He can understand how Edward feels, but he won't disagree with him when he says he has made a mess of his life; he has a string of broken marriages at his back, a daughter who can barely even speak to her parents and an alcohol addiction for which he now suffers a breakaway from. And that is mostly, if not entirely, his fault.

"Yes," agrees Ric. "But you're trying to fix it. That's more than a lot of people attempt."

"What am I meant to do?"

"You're asking _me_ for advice?" Ric incredulously demands. "Alright. Eleanor is an adult. She can handle a bit of tough love."

"Tough love?"

"Stop sugar coating it. I've told you everything Shayna has told Serena and everything Serena has told me before now. Did you know Shayna's father tried to push Serena out the top floor window? And he tried to smother Shayna?" he asked Edward, who donned a look of horror and shock upon his face. "The boy must have been completely out of control. If Serena hadn't left, hadn't split herself from Shayna, she wouldn't be alive. You never would have met her because she would have been dead before her seventeenth birthday. Eleanor wouldn't exist. Just let her think about that."

Edward seems to understand what he means; it perhaps isn't ideal but if this is how Eleanor is going to be, then maybe Edward needs to be stricter, harsher, with his daughter. "OK. I'll try it." Ric nods and Edward adds, "How is she?" with a nod towards Serena.

"As well as can be expected," allows Ric. "Physically, she's on the mend, but she's having a rough time inside her own head, I'd say."

"She'll get through it," replies Edward, his confidence solid in his ex-wife's strength. Ric smiles slightly, knowing he is probably right but also that Serena doesn't seem to be dealing with it at all well at the minute. Maybe it's the combined shock of being faced with near death, lost family and now a harrowing figure from her past all at the same time, but as he watches her fall asleep once more, he can almost see a dark cloud of fear over her.

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><p>"Ms. Campbell?" a woman's voice stirs consciousness in Serena. "Ms. Campbell, your visitor is here." When she opens her eyes she sees Zosia leaning over her, glancing over at the nurses' station. Serena follows her gaze and finds and tall, well-built, muscular man standing nervously, leaning against the pillar. "Do you want me to send him over?"<p>

Serena swallows her fear and finds her voice, though she only nods. She trusts that Zosia will keep a distant eye on her in Ric's absence, and that Sacha is probably already doing that, but she's still wary of Alan's slow approach as she forces herself to sit up reasonably straight. Her eyes follow his moving body involuntarily, like she can't take her eyes off him because she knows what he is capable of.

"Serena," he says; his voice is older and wiser, his dark hair greying slightly at the sides and his eyes sane. How can he be sane now? "How are you?"

"I've just had the living daylights kicked out of me," she retorts, realising too late just how defensive she sounds right now. "How are you?"

"Of sound mind," he answers with a soft smile. The smile is the one she remembers, the soft protection of a boy who once loved her, sitting here as an older man facing his own actions. "I wasn't, for a long time."

"Yes, the three attempts at murder were a slight give away."

"Don't be like this," Alan says, his tone pleading with her. She meets his eyes and tries to hide her fear. She wishes no she can't feel fear, because the world can't see something she cannot feel. "I'm not going to hurt you, alright?"

"Why are you here?" she demands.

"To explain. To seek forgiveness. To know you are alive and well."

"Well, I am alive, as you can see," she informs him, fighting to keep her voice and her temper level. "I'd love to hear the reason you tried to kill your own child, though," she sarcastically adds. "Should be a cracker."

However, she is not prepared for his answer when it eventually comes out of his mouth. It stuns her. "I was diagnosed as schizophrenic when I was eighteen," he reveals. "That was a psychotic episode, apparently."

"And the second time? When you found me?"

"Another psychotic episode, though I had no idea."

"So you didn't know what you were doing?"

"Do you really think that if I knew what I was doing I would have put my hands on you or Shayna?" he asks her. His voice is soft and undemanding. He may seek her forgiveness but he doesn't expect it. "And if you never want to see me again, I completely understand. I just want you to know that I wasn't in control of what I did to you."

Serena stares at the white sheets, trying to make sense of this. If he is telling the truth then there is nothing really to forgive; she can't hate him for a lifetime of schizophrenia. That's punishment enough for anything psychosis has caused him to do. She does not envy his wife the responsibility of dealing with him, but she is strangely proud he has managed to build a normal life anyway.

"Oh, hello," she hears him say. She looks up to find him greeting an exhausted looking Shayna, and it causes her to panic. She doesn't want Shayna knowing this man; even if he's got an explanation and even if he is not going to hurt them again, she doesn't want Shayna muddled with him. She wants the bond cut.

"Hey," Shayna replies. "Are you a friend of my mum's?"

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><p><em>Reviews and comments are always welcomed.<em>


	29. Chapter 29

_Sorry this took so long to update; it's been a rough time for me of late. Thank you to all who are reading and reviewing._

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><p>Serena looks between Shayna and her father and tries to decide what she should do; she doesn't see what good can come of lying, and she can only see what bad can come of telling the truth. She doesn't want to lie to her child. She's old enough to know the truth, and yet Serena would rather protect her from it. How bad does it have to be before a mother feels she needs to protect her child from the truth rather than the lies?<p>

But Alan takes it upon himself to break the silence, much to Serena's horror; what he says takes her by surprise. "I'm just an old university friend of your mother's," he lies. "I heard she was ill and thought I'd come and see how she is."

It shocks Serena, but Shayna's face breaks into a smile as she sits down next to Alan. It breaks Serena's heart to see Shayna sit with her father and not even know who he is, but she knows it's for the best. She knows she's put her children through enough without adding this to the pile. Shayna shakes his hand, and he smiles that same smile she knew so well as a teenage girl.

"Alan," he says to her.

"Shayna," she replies, her smile bright. "Serenity is being discharged today, Mum," she says to Serena. "I'll bring her up to see you later on."

"Is she alright?" Serena asks quickly. She's been quietly worried about her granddaughter but hasn't said anything. She knows when she worries the rest of them worry, and they've all endured enough at her hands.

"Yeah, she'll be fine. Itching to see her granny though." It makes Serena smile, though she is still unused to the idea of being a grandmother to the child; she's only forty-eight, but it makes her feel really quite old. Of course, she knows the reality is just that she had Shayna very young, and Shayna was fairly young when she had Serenity, and it knocks a good ten or fifteen years off the age Serena expected grandchildren. She has always taught Eleanor not to make her mistakes, to wait until she is old enough, wise enough and rich enough to support any child she may have.

She watches Alan and Shayna fall into deep conversation but she knows he will keep quiet. He's told a lie and he can't take it back, for which she is bitterly thankful. She's stopped listening to what is being said, and she finds she selfishly regrets telling Ric to go home and get a proper sleep. The more she thinks on it, the less conventional she sees her family is. But it's _her_ family and, her career aside, they are all she really has.

She watches Zosia speaking to Guy and wonders how long it will be before the fragile thread between them is made or broken; their back and forth is so strained sometimes that Serena feels the tension ready to snap and split them apart with unbelievable force. She's only lucky that Shayna is more forgiving than Zosia, and that Serena has more humility than Guy. But Zosia is more like her father than she can see herself. She is as stubborn and as straight-talking as he is, and it causes them to clash regularly.

For the first time, she trusts Alan with Shayna; he's made the sacrifice of her knowing exactly who he is. She has never expected that of him. Perhaps her judgement is coloured by his past and his illness, but she's always expected that if this moment were ever to arrive, her life would be in danger. But he seems calm and reserved, kind hearted despite the attempts on her life.

She closes her eyes when she spots Eleanor and Edward making their way across the ward. This is just what she needs. Her two warring daughters and her two mentally unstable ex-lovers in the same room at the same time ready to rip each other apart. Where is Ric and his placidness when she needs him?! _Why_ did she send him home when she has known Alan will be here, and that Eleanor and Shayna will have to face one another sooner or later?

She sees Eleanor stare Shayna straight in the face, and she's seen that look many times in the past eighteen years. She's biting her tongue for the sake of her mother, and she desperately wants to shout at Shayna for all the little good it can do. Alan senses the tension and his smile turns to a frown. "Um, yes, this is Eleanor, my youngest daughter, and Edward, Ellie's father," Serena introduces her family. "And my ex-husband. This is Alan," she says. She sees Edward's eyes widen as he realises who it is but she shoots her him a warning look, telling him to keep his mouth shut about what he knows. "He's an old university friend."

She shifts awkwardly but carefully, knowing that there are so many things that can go wrong. She can see Edward and Eleanor have fallen out – if looks could kill Edward would be put out of his misery by now. She wonders what on Earth he could have said to her; he never speaks out of place to Eleanor. She's never seen it. There have been times he has gladly ripped strips off Serena but Ellie is never on the receiving end. That means, of course, it must have been done for a reason. He has an angle, and Serena wants to know exactly what he thinks he is playing at.

"How are you, darling?" Edward asks her gently.

"I'm fine," she sighs. "What about you? Are you coping?"

"I'm just going to have to cope, Serena. I can't keep living off alcohol for the rest of my life," he explains to her.

"You don't half pick your moments," she comments, acknowledging that he has picked a time where his daughter needs him and his ex-wife needs him, and he's chosen now to put himself through this. "Never did make life easy for yourself, did you?" He smiles and she notes his sense of humour has not completely abandoned him, for which she can only be thankful.

"Yeah, well, I shouldn't have let it get so far, should I?" She's shocked by his attitude. She expects bitterness and the blame to be thrown squarely at her feet, but it isn't what he's doing. He's taking responsibility for the first time in the almost three decades she has known him, and it seems he's trying to sort things out between the kids as well, however unsuccessful his attempts may be. She reaches out for his hand and squeezes it gently, a silent praise for him as he tries to get himself back on the right path.

Absorbed in her conversation with Edward, she notices only now that the words between her daughters are becoming more and more heated, and that they might actually come to blows; the biggest problem there is that Serena knows Shayna won't fight back. Eleanor's temper can get the better of her but Shayna isn't convinced she hasn't earned anything her sister puts her through.

"If you hadn't showed up here, Mum would be _fine_!" Eleanor says, repeating the opinion she had expressed in the ICU. "You and your messed up life aren't her responsibility! Why should she pay for your mistakes? She _never_ wanted you."

"That's a lie," Shayna contradicts Eleanor. "Mum didn't have any choice but to leave me. My dad tried to kill me. Your dad might be an alcoholic and he might be an idiot – no offence, Edward," she adds, and Edward raises his hands in acceptance that it's a fair summation, "but he's never put his hands on you. He's never put his hands on Mum. Mine did. He tried to kill us," she explains, and the look on Ellie's face tells Serena either Ric or Edward have already said this much to the girl. Serena glances at Alan as he looks at the floor, obviously trying to forget the events his daughter speaks of. "And aside from anything else, Eleanor, if she hadn't given me up she would be dead. She wouldn't have reached her seventeenth birthday. She never would have met your dad. You wouldn't exist. So if I've needed _our_ mother's help, if I've needed to invade in your perfect little life to keep _my_ child alive, then I'm sorry."

Eleanor stares at Shayna and steps towards her; Serena watches on in horror as the teenager slaps her daughter across the face and grabs her jacket. "I _hate_ you," she growls. "You are _nothing_."

Edward steps forward to take control of his daughter but there is a look in Shayna's eyes that tells her that it isn't needed, so she grabs her ex-husband's hand and shakes her head at him gently.

Shayna takes Eleanor by the upper arms and shakes her. "Hate me if you want but I am your sister. Even when you hit me and yell at me I will still be your sister. And when you're in trouble, I'll be the first one to come running, because you are my little sister, even if we've spent our lives apart. No matter how you feel about me, you're my _sister_, Eleanor, and I will do my best to protect you just as I would protect Mum, Serenity, Ric and Edward." A look of shock crosses Ellie's slim face – whatever she had been expecting, it wasn't that. "You may hate me but I'm old enough, wise enough and bruised enough to love you anyway. My husband has had me within inches of death. He's tried to kill Mum. He's killed our unborn child. He's tried to kill my daughter, _your_ niece. He's stripped me of so much that I know better than to throw away what is given to me. You have been given to me, Eleanor Campbell," she gently shakes Eleanor once again. "I've been given a sister. Do you really think I'm prepared to throw that away because you can't handle that our mother has a past and I am part of your future?"

A stunned Ellie lets Shayna go and looks around at Serena, who doesn't intervene. How can they build a relationship with her input? It has to be theirs, or it's never going to work for them. Eleanor steps back and half-runs away, and Edward squeezes Serena's hand again before going after her. Alan just looks like he feels completely out of place, even though he is Shayna's dad and is as much a part of this issue as Serena is.

Shayna straightens her jacket and says, "Raf will have Serenity sorted out by now so I'd better go and pick her up. I'll see you soon, Mum." She leans past her father and kisses Serena's cheek, striding towards the lift as she heads to AAU.

Serena looks around at Alan, and he gazes after Shayna for a moment. "That's some kid," he sighs. "She's a good girl."

"She's been through the mill," Serena admits. "It's made her wise and calm, unlike Ellie. She takes after her dad." She stares Alan in the face and explains, "I always knew you weren't in your right mind. If you've come here seeking forgiveness then you're thirty years too late. I might not have forgotten what you did to us but I've long forgiven you for it."

"Thank you," he simply replies. "I'm glad you've got such a good family."

"We're hardly conventional," Serena sniggers.

"Serena, I hate to break it to you," he begins, his youthful smile gracing his ageing face, "but you were _never_, in any sense of the word, conventional." He looks at his watch and says, "I've got to go. I promised my son I'd pick him up from rugby practice." The glimpse of a father in the man makes Serena smile slightly as she nods. He kisses her cheek lightly and, much to her surprise, she doesn't even feel the instinct to flinch away from him. He hands her a piece of paper and ruffles her hair lightly. "It's been good seeing you. Don't be a stranger."

She watches him walk away and opens the folded piece of paper. A number, an address and an email address lay there in the same tidy scientist's handwriting she remembers; it's another door opened up for her and another junction she has to take a turn on.

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><p><em>Reviews and comments are always welcomed.<em>


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Holby City, Family, Friendship