Mega Man 1. Chapter 1: The Ultimate Evil

ADVER MAN: THE ULTIMATE EVIL

One of these days, he would come. It was inevitable.

Slur sighed as she stood on Duo's shoulder, leaning against his gargantuan head. On the surface, she seemed to be enjoying yet another passive evening floating around on a glowing comet. Inside, however, she trembled with nervous anxiety, for she knew someday that she would have to face the most terrifying Asteroid Navi that she had ever created.

"Slur, is something troubling you?" asked Duo, trying with difficulty to look around his head without turning it. Doing so would have knocked Slur off his shoulder and sent her falling into oblivion.

"Is it that obvious?" she replied, closing her crimson eyes.

"It's about HIM, isn't it?"

"Duo, why did we create such a monster? I know it is up to us to deem Earth worthy of survival, but isn't this absolute overkill? There is no evil more despicable than this!"

"Yes, Slur. If the humans manage to survive this accident of ours, Earth could quite possibly be the most worthy planet of all. By the way, just what is this about WE creating him? It was your doing, you know."

"Please," Slur muttered as she clenched her teeth, "don't remind me!"

A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO...

(Slur: "A flashback? I said, don't remind me!")

IPC's 38-year-old Brand Equity Manager Kenishiro sighed as he looked at the fiscal year's latest sales report. His department had come in dead last in productivity and customer loyalty. Sending Trojan Horse attachments in IPC ads concealing spamming programs and spyware was not a good choice.

Considering that CEO Enzan-sama was coming in for a productivity review and a department inspection, his prospects of remaining with IPC weren't looking good. Enzan was, after all, a miniature version of his father, the most anal-retentive man in existence. This prodigious son was just as ruthless and efficient as his father, although these days he was so busy Net-battling that he skipped many of his inspection duties and board meetings, making even Kenishiro look like the most productive man in the company.

Today was one of those days. Enzan was out double-dating with Meiru and Netto, and his own date, . Kenishiro had quite a while until the inspection was to take place, so he sat back and did what any salesperson in his situation would do. He passed the time by pondering his fate and expressing his grandiose ambition.

"Everyone else seems to sell TWICE what I do!" screamed Kenishiro, although such a fault was better left undeclared, especially in the office. "I wish I had the power to sell to anyone that I wanted! The power to make ANYONE buy IPC's products!" Suddenly, his computer screen began glowing a brilliant white.

"I can't see!" screamed Kenishiro. "My computer's broken! I'm going blind! Tech support? Are you there? Anyone?"

"I am here," replied a slow and somewhat seductive female voice. When the brilliant white glow faded, there on Kenishiro's computer screen was a mysterious, white-and-turquoise-dressed female Net Navi looking him square in the face with a slightly dull smile. "Greetings, Kenishiro."

"A-are you my niece? Wh-why are you d-dressed like that?" Kenishiro stuttered. "Well, anyway, don't worry, I get my paycheck this Thursday! I'll pay you back for those Higure's Rare Chip Otaku Guide magazines, I swear!"

"I'm not your niece. I would appreciate your money, but have no need for it. And the bit about the magazines was more than I wanted to know. I am Slur."

"Well, make a good impression then, whoever you are. That cave woman grammar won't get you anywhere. Say it with me: I am SLURRING."

"No! My name is Slur! Honestly, don't you read the news? You really haven't heard anything about my appearances, have you? Anyway, I am here to grant your wish."

"Okay, I'll take Yaito-chan's mansion, and fill it with swimsuit models. The sooner, the better."

Slur slapped her forehead, thinking that this must be the typical male in what humans call a midlife crisis. "Kenishiro, this is getting nowhere fast. Look, do you want a Net Navi or not?"

"Eh? Net Navi? I have one of those PET things that I never figured out, but what's a Net Navi? I swear, it's so hard to keep up with you kids nowadays."

"Wow. You really need to get out more. Very well, I will offer you the tool with which to carry out your evil deeds."

"Evil? All I said was that I wanted to make everyone buy IPC's products."

"Yes, and that is the most despicable evil of all. Usually I don't tell people that what they're doing is evil, but you are so sick in your selling methods that I figured I'd just tell it like it is."

"Hmm, works for me."

"Very well then. I bestow upon you, Asteroid Navi Adver Man!"

"Wow, try saying THAT five times fast!"

Kenishiro's PET glowed brilliant white, which really annoyed Kenishiro at this point, as staring at a bright computer screen and having his vision go bad was the last thing he needed. He had suffered it enough today.

He wasn't annoyed long, however; when the white glow faded, there in his PET stood a small, chubby, and unusually adorable Navi, dressed in a white-and-blue Chinese-style robe and wearing a blue bandanna with lettering that read, "Ctrl-Alt-Del." His Navi symbol on his chest was nothing more than a blue circle with white numbering that read, "Buy (blank)!"

"Yay! A master! Who do you work for?" Adver man asked Kenishiro in a high-pitched, squeaky, yet oddly cute voice.

"IPC," replied Kenishiro. Instantly, Adver Man's crest changed to: "Buy IPC!"

"I'm convinced of your abilities," Kenishiro said to Slur with a grin. "Now I'd like to test this Adver Man out in a fight."

"Now?" Slur blinked. "Against who, might I ask?"

"Against you. I'd like to challenge you to a Net Battle, or whatever the kids call it now."

"Fine. Your first defeat as a Net Battler will humble you greatly."

Kenishiro looked in his briefcase, and his left eye twitched; he didn't have any battle chips. He went with his next best strategy: "Adver Man! Do whatever!"

"I will do that! Wheeee!" yelled Adver Man in a squeaky voice as he started running to Slur.

Slur's forehead produced a huge anime-style sweat drop. Surely Adver Man could not be evil enough to carry out Duo's trials for humanity. As if to confirm this, he stopped directly in front of Slur and simply stood in one place, staring at her face emptily. Then, nothing happened.

Nothing continued to happen.

After a while of nothing happening, nothing happened some more.

Slur began to think she was getting hit on. She became incredibly frustrated and decided that she may as well be the first to attack. However, just as her flipper-like sleeve was about to make contact, Adver Man expressed an outburst so sudden that Slur screamed for the first time in her life.

"DO YOU WANT TO BUY QUALITY CHIPS AT LOW PRICES? THEN YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT COMPANY!"

Slur stepped back, surprised and for some reason strangely annoyed.

"We have 450-Ghz chips for IPC's New Generation PETs! Low prices, high quality! NOT the other way around!"

Slur could feel an anime-style vein popping on her helmet. She clenched her teeth and wondered why she felt this sudden outburst of rage. At the same time, some part of her subconsciously began to wish she had some money so she could buy IPC's chips. Meanwhile, Adver Man continued his promotion speech:

"All you have to do is ask me all about our specials! We have auctions on eBay and Craig's List! All the hottest equipment and deals to help you SAVE! For the kids, we've got action figures! Hot toys! Collectibles! Buy a Rockman doll! A Forte doll! And for a limited time, we'll even make a doll of YOU!"

Slur had endured enough pain, and started to leave when Kenishiro said, "Wait! We haven't even started fighting yet!"

"We have!" cried Slur. "You win already! For the love of Duo, please don't use him on me again!"

As she left, Adver Man yelled after her, "In closing, our Great Leader Enzan-sama says, Puragu-In Yo' Haato! Remember it! Tell them Adver Man sent you!"

When Slur returned to Duo's asteroid home, she asked herself between tears, "What have I done? WHAT HAVE I DONE?"

END PART I


	2. Chapter 2: Speak of Evil It Already Came

PART II: SPEAK OF EVIL, AND IT ALREADY CAME

"Hey, Meiru-chan. When did Netto say he'd be here?"

"One o'clock, Enzan-sama."

"I see. And what time is it now, Yaito-chan?"

"Four-thirty in the afternoon, Enzan."

"Wow. We're patient."

Enzan, Meiru, and Yaito were becoming quite bored waiting in Enzan's office suite at IPC World Headquarters. The only missing member of their social circle, Netto Hikari, was AWOL. One hour late was his usual pace. Two hours was borderline unacceptable. As for three and a half hours, Netto was asking for a war of nuclear proportions.

Finally, this war was unleashed as Netto came entered the office in the form of a flaming human comet, with anime veins pulsating all over his body. Meiru and Yaito ran for dear life, but Enzan remained in one place, knowing with certainty that the flaming Netto Demon Comet would not hit him. Then he remembered how clumsy Netto was, and he whispered for his mother.

After getting up from Enzan's steaming heap on the ground, Netto screamed at the top of his lungs, "That was completely uncalled for, Enzan! Why did you send 500,000 yen worth of Giga Class processor chips to my home? Granted, I did want one, but not that much worth!"

"I don't know, Netto," said Rockman, smiling and running around on Netto's PET. "I like this new processor chip! Look at how fast I can run now! And look at this! ROCK BUSTER!"

Rockman's buster annihilated a chunk of Internet nearly 50 feet wide.

"Wow, Rockman, that RULED!" Netto cried. "But ENZAN! Why would you do such a thing?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Netto." Enzan knew the situation would get ugly, so he resorted to the method he always used to win an argument against Netto: he changed the subject.

"Say, Netto, how did that recent double date go for you?"

Netto's icy glare turned into a smile from ear to ear that was so stupid-looking it made Meiru want to slap him. "Gee, Enzan, it was SWELL! After the date, we went back to my house and…"

"NETTO!" Meiru screamed, blushing madly.

"…KISSED!" Netto held up one of those two-fingered peace signs that anime characters will do for no reason in particular, and Meiru breathed a sigh of relief. "How about you, Enzan? How was your date with ?"

"You know, Netto, I really don't remember. I mean, I know I was there, but I can't recall anything I did with ."

"We don't remember anything either!" said Meiru and Yaito. "We don't even remember who it was!"

"Maybe it was ME!" said Yaito, after which Enzan appeared as though he would throw up messily.

"Do you think maybe it was another of his fangirls? Maybe a fan character?" Blues suddenly asked, tilting his head. "He has so many groupies, it's hard to keep track of them all. I should know. Most of them come for me first. Some of them even draw pictures!"

"In some of them, Blues is even naked!" shouted Roll, after which Blues went into hiding for the rest of the conversation.

"Yeah, it's fun drawing pictures of…HEY! ENZAN!" Netto had finally caught on to Enzan's distraction, although the concept of Enzan dating was an interesting discussion indeed. "You did it again! You know I hate that!"

Roll suddenly popped onto Netto's PET screen, an appearance so sudden it caused Rockman to scream. "Netto," she said, "it is your own will to become distracted by Enzan when he does that. You should stay focused. Never let go of your main point. Like THIS!"

Roll latched onto Rockman's arm, and Rockman blushed madly, as did Meiru. Yaito seemed to be enjoying all this; she was having Glyde capture video footage of it on her PET's integrated camera.

"Anyway," Enzan said, "Netto, now that you're here, I have a few questions for you."

"Yah, what are they?" Netto perked up, again falling for Enzan's distraction.

"Did you receive this transaction notice from a Navi named Adver Man?"

Netto's face became grim and serious, as did everyone else's. Yaito muttered, "Way to ruin the party, Enzan. I waited three and a half hours for this and you ruined it just when it was getting fun."

"Yes, why?" Netto replied. "Does he work for you, Enzan? If he does, may I beat you up now?"

"Later, Netto. For now, you should know that he DOES work for me, and…WAIT! Don't beat me up yet! He actually belongs to an employee of mine. His name is Kenishiro. He's been selling a lot recently, and I suspect from all the Web traffic I've monitored at his office that he's been sending out unusual quantities of telemarketing…"

"HOLD IT!" Yaito screamed. "Let me get this straight. You actually TRACK your employee's Internet activities? Geez! When MY employees slack off, I just force them to switch to one-ply toilet paper for a week!"

"So that is why GABCOM is, to put it appropriately, full of crap!" Enzan replied smugly.

Yaito looked like she was about to cry. "You COULDN'T have been my date a few weeks ago," Enzan muttered. "Anyway, Netto, how many ads did you receive from this Adver Man?"

"Five hundred. Each and every day for the past week and a half."

Meiru, Yaito, and Enzan gasped and became serious, as if the world's most despicable evil had just been mentioned. In all honesty, it had.

"It's certain in my mind now. It must be Kenishiro," Enzan muttered. "Ever since he was given that Adver Man of his…"

"Given?" Meiru asked. "Any idea who it was?"

"Yes. There is no doubt it was Slur. It must have been an Asteroid Navi."

"A telemarketing Asteroid Navi! I knew it! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Netto screamed as tears flowed from his eyes.

Enzan closed his eyes and raised an eyebrow. "Netto, this is hardly THAT serious."

"It is!" cried Netto, as his nose ran with snot and his eyes flowed with tears. At this point, Netto looked so ridiculous that Enzan couldn't help but laugh, and had to keep coughing to hide it. Netto continued, "Now we're going to have to wear out our fingers clicking Delete to get rid of all those IPC spam messages! And we'll all get carpal tunnel syndrome and DIE!"

Enzan experienced a flash of sudden panic, realizing that Netto was right, perhaps for the first time in his life. "All right, everyone! We're going to need all the help we can get to fight this Adver Man! I'll do whatever I can, but I need you to help in the meantime!"

Meiru, Netto, and Yaito all stood at attention as Enzan delegated orders. "Meiru! Use your popularity at school to convince all of your classmates to buy ergonomic keyboards and chairs! If we're gonna stop Adver Man, we may as well be comfortable while we're waiting for ourselves to stop him!"

"Uh…sure, whatever," Meiru replied, rolling her eyes and running out of the office.

"Yaito! Go back to your GABCOM company and tell all of your employees that I think they are stupid! Then tell them to do whatever they can to stop Adver Man with their extremely limited intelligence! Make sure EVERYONE hears you!"

"Of course, Enzan!" Yaito was about to leave, when she stopped, turned, and shot Enzan an icy glare that would certainly have murdered him if looks could kill. "Wait a minute…WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY I SHOULD SAY?"

"Time is of the essence! Just go tell everyone at your company! Hurry!"

Yaito pulled down her eyelid and stuck out her tongue at Enzan, then ran out of the office. Enzan then turned to Netto and said, "Netto…do what you can."

"I will do that! Wheeee!" shouted Netto as he ran out of the office. "What? OH NO! HE'S TRAPPED ME ALREADY!"

"Netto?"

"What, Enzan?"

"You're in my wardrobe closet."

"Oh, so that's what these bunny slippers are doing here!"

Enzan blushed madly and continued, "Go, Netto! Not a second to waste! Especially for someone who's as late as you always are!" Netto ran out of the office, but Enzan had one more order: "Sexy secretary!"

"Yes, Enzan-sama?"

"Get me two grilled cheese sandwiches and a soda, and give me a deep back massage!"

"O-of course…Enzan-sama…heeheehee…"

Enzan took a brief moment to blush and make a perverted expression, then muttered out of his window, "Kenishiro…what exactly are you up to?"

END PART II


	3. Chapter 3: Holding Down the Forte

PART III: HOLDING DOWN THE FORTE

The URA Internet. A deeply hidden subset of the normal Internet, it exists at the border between raw source code and sorted data. It is the filter zone that processes data into information which can then be materialized into Internet material, rumored to be ruled over by Serenade.exe, the perfect Navi.

Of course, to the Dark Navi known as Forte.exe, none of this information mattered. All that mattered to him was that Slur had knocked him through a floor and somehow he had ended up there. This would have been just fine, except that Netto, Enzan, and practically everyone in the Net Savior agency was watching Slur knocking the stuffing out of him, making the whole ordeal that much more humiliating.

"I must escape from here…I will prove that I'm the strongest in the universe!" Forte exclaimed, using a very tired and overused fighting game quote. "I will have that power! I…I must have it!"

"POWER! Yay!" shouted a squeaky and cute voice from behind him.

"YAAAHHHHH!" screamed Forte as he turned around to find none other than Adver Man standing behind him. It was fairly obvious by looking at this odd yet annoyingly adorable Navi that he knew nothing of power or strength. As far as Forte was concerned, Adver Man probably didn't even know what the word "power" meant. "Why did you sneak up on me like that?"

"I'm an advertising program!" Adver Man relied happily. "It's my job to sneak up on unsuspecting Web surfers and infest their hard drives with ads!"

"And what do YOU know about power?" Forte asked, deciding to try out his previously mentioned theory.

Adver Man confirmed his stupidity: "Power! I know that my operator's PET runs on it! And if the batteries run out," he continued in a gloomy tone, "then…I will go to sleep."

"As in…death?"

"No, as in going to sleep! And when I'm asleep, I can't sell anything! Not until Kenishiro-sama gives me new batteries!"

"Oh crap!" shouted a human's voice. "I almost forgot! My power is running low! Thanks for reminding me…Adver Man, hang on!"

"Hurry, Kenishiro! I want to sell something to him!"

Adver Man suddenly fell asleep standing up, with a little anime snore bubble coming out of his left eye. As for Forte, the whole sight constituted a slight giggle and a huge sweat drop. In the background, he could have sworn he heard the clickety-clack sound of a human frantically exchanging his PET's batteries.

Forte slowly approached Adver Man and decided to poke him to make sure he was actually alive. Just as he was about to get poked, Kenishiro finished installing some new batteries. Adver Man jumped up and stated in robotic monotone: "CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE ACTIVATED ADVER MAN!"

"I didn't even DO anything yet!" shouted Forte. "Anyway, what was this about selling…"

"Adver Man is compliant with regulations set by the Japanese Administration of Marketing, or JAM. Adver Man and owner Kenishiro are not responsible for any legal or emotional difficulty caused to opponents. Restrictions apply, rates and results may vary. How may I exploit you today? First, what is your name?" Adver Man had returned to his normal, ironically evil self.

"Exploit me? Why you little…" Forte ground his teeth and veins pulsated all over his body.

"Your teeth are yellow!" shouted Adver Man, pointing at Forte's teeth, which were widely exposed by aforementioned grinding. Forte replied with a sucker punch to Adver Man's crotch, to which Adver Man did not react, but instead tilted his head to his left with a puzzled look on his face. It is a historic fact that Navis, by nature, do not possess private parts to exploit in battle.

"Well, if you're still okay after that, you really ARE the ultimate villain," Forte said, raising an eyebrow. "Very well, you are worthy of fighting me."

Kenishiro searched his briefcase and found a case of brand-new Giga Class chips he bought using bets he won from all his recent battles. "Bring it on, punk!" he shouted as he made one of those two-fingered peace signs.

Forte's left eye twitched as he thought to himself: "Bring…it…on…PUNK? How dare you annoy me with your outdated euphemisms! Not only are you corrupt…you're actually lame. All the more reason to destroy you! DARK SWORD!"

"Battle chip!" Kenishiro shouted as he slotted in his first chip. "Sales technique! RESULTS MAY VARY!"

Forte's Dark Sword became a plastic squeak hammer that caused Adver Man to giggle when it made contact with a rhythmic, high-pitched noise. Forte was completely taken by surprise, as it became apparent when he started speaking again: "Well, you've certainly surprised me. What was that move?"

Kenishiro pointed upward in an intellectual fashion as he said, "The Results May Vary chip will render any of your attacks into harmless comic relief."

"Urgghhh! DARKNESS OVERLOAD!" With this, Forte shot an intense purple aura of dark energy at Adver Man. Kenishiro, however, would not give in so easily.

"Sales technique! FOOT IN THE DOOR!"

Forte's attack turned back against him, and the moment it made contact, he screamed louder than he ever had in his life, causing Kenishiro to think to himself: "So I am fighting a girl after all."

"It appears I'm not yet powerful enough to defeat you," Forte murmured as he struggled to bring himself to stand. "I'll rest until tomorrow, then fight you again."

Not in a mood to be pestered by a persistent villain, Kenishiro decided to unleash Adver Man's ultimate attack, the one he used to defeat all of his previous opponents. Adver Man ran up to Forte and stood in one place, staring at him emptily.

"So…what are you going to do now?" Forte wondered, staring back at Adver Man's empty expression.

"…WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY SOME IPC PROCESSOR CHIPS? YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED!"

Forte ran off into the distant horizon, screaming.

END PART III


	4. Chapter 4: Action is the Best Policy

PART IV: ACTION IS THE BEST POLICY

LOCATION: GABCOM World Headquarters, Japan.

The early morning began for GABCOM's staff as just another mundane business day. Accountants were spending long hours balding their scalps while examining tedious financial records to find a missing six yen. Dekao had been cordially invited into the Product Testing Lab to try out the company's latest fighting games; in exchange, he could eat all the food he wanted in the employee lounge. The janitors were busy in the bathroom, cleaning what Dekao usually left in the toilet after said eating of lounge food. And on every desk in the building, Yaito had left a memo with her exact instructions, as provided by Enzan:

MEMO FROM YAITO-CHAN TO ALL GABCOM STAFF/EXECUTIVES

To whom it may concern, and that's pretty much everybody:

We have recently received reports of a Navi operated by a member of Enzan's staff, who is still affiliated with that anal-retentive idiot's company IPC. The employee's name is Kenishiro, and his Navi is known as Adver Man. The two have been spreading malicious spyware, disguised as advertisements for IPC's products.

Enzan has sent your Board of Directors a notice designating the collective staff body of GABCOM as (direct quote) "stupid." In addition, Sir Enzan wishes to state that we have limited intelligence, and will have to do whatever we can with our miniscule brainpower. The employees of GABCOM should know that no member of the staff throughout this company endorses these remarks.

Yaito-chan wishes to let it be known that Enzan is a stupid moron who has no business insulting GABCOM. The CEO's daughter has expressed great discontent with said Enzan and would like to (direct quote) "yank his dangly." The Board of Directors offers no comment on this matter, and leaves it up to the staff's imagination as to what this phrase truly implies.

In other companywide affairs, let it be known that Product Testing Intern Dekao has eaten a three-day-old steak that was left uncovered in the employee lounge. Said steak had a significant amount of mildew collected on its surface. For the next three weeks, the Men's Bathrooms will be inoperable, and employees will be advised not to enter, as the area has been dubbed a Hazardous Waste Zone.

Yaito-Chan sends hugs and kisses for all except that stupid Enzan. Enjoy your workday, and remember: We Are All a Great Asset! (Repeat nine times for motivation.)

SINCERELY, Yaito-chan

Suddenly, everyone knew that this business day would certainly not turn out as mundane as originally thought. Granted, Enzan insulting Yaito-chan was still business as usual, perhaps even true love, according to the staff psychiatrists.

LOCATION: Densan City Middle School, still in Japan.

Sixth-grader Meiru Sakurai never had to struggle with overpowering crowd noise in order to announce something. Every fellow sixth-grader, even the teachers, knew she would beat them senseless if they were caught letting their attention wander, so listening to her spout whatever she had to say just came naturally to everyone.

"Everybody, I'd like to educate you about the valuable merits of computer safety. And when I mean safety, I do NOT mean making sure no one is below when you toss your computer out the window after it didn't download a Naruto episode properly! Heehee!"

Nobody else laughed; everyone frowned angrily and nodded their heads, looking at Meiru as though she had mentioned the second most evil thing next to advertising. Apparently, they had all downloaded Naruto incorrectly before, and were not at all happy about it. Meiru learned a valuable lesson: Want to make a good joke? Make sure it's not a tragedy that everyone relates to.

She continued after clearing her throat, "…I'm talking about ergonomics and protecting your computer from spam."

"HAHA! ATTACKING SPAM! HAHAHA! HOSTILE LUNCH MEAT! GYAW HAW HAW!" Everyone listening emitted a raucous laugh, and Meiru gave up all hope of ever making sense out of this crowd.

"Anyway," she continued with a puzzled expression denoting the expression of whatever, "I'll have you know that there is a Navi called Adver Man running amok on the Net. He's planning to sell you all goods…and waste your hard-earned money!"

"You mean, my parents' money!" shouted a gleeful voice in the audience.

"Whatever, you freeloader. Anyway, I'm part of an elite band of Net Battlers that is getting together to fight against Adver Man, and we'll all need your help!"

"Band? As in a singing band?" shouted another voice.

"Ummm…yes. Of course. Anyway, while you're deleting these ads, you'll probably risk getting carpal tunnel syndrome or ruining your back sitting there and going through all of them, right? That's why you all need ergonomic keyboards and chairs."

"We're too young to think about that!" shouted the collective voices of the audience.

"We're too old to prevent that!" shouted a wave of hunched-over teachers in the back.

"Well, buy them! For the sake of your own comfort as you sit at the computer, do it before your wrists go bad and you pass out!"

"We'll do that! Wheeeee!"

Meiru shuddered, recognizing that familiar expression. "Umm, have you all followed Adver Man's example and started mindlessly repeating his quotes?"

"Heck no!" shouted the sixth-graders. "We learn everything we can from our role model!"

"And…who is that?"

"NETTO HIKARI!"

Meiru felt a sudden stab of panic and fainted. She had come to the horrific realization that, thanks to this new generation of blissfully flawed sixth-graders, the world really was going to end.

LOCATION: The deep confines of the Internet, still in Japan, but in another dimension.

"Netto-kun…it's been three hours already, and I'm getting very bored of this! Can't we just stop now?"

"No way, Rockman! I've finally put this chip to good use! Crud…how could I miss such a huge target? Hold it…there he is! Rockman, stop him!"

Rockman, dressed in a uniform closely resembling Zero, aimed his fully charged Rock Buster at a sprite resembling a huge, angel-like rendition of Rockman X. Having gotten his bearings on the impossible-to-miss target, he fired a blast that not only completely annihilated it, but also formed a crater nearly 100 feet wide. A very cute blonde girl dressed in pink ran to him and thanked him for his help, going on to say he had defeated an extremely powerful army. Once this ordeal was over, his cool Zero uniform disappeared, and his surroundings transformed back into the normal Internet realm.

"YEAH! We did it!" cried Netto. "After so many hours of play time…we finally beat Rockman Zero!"

"Netto, we have business to take care of. Every second we delay, Adver Man uses another second to move closer to his goals…come to think of it, a second's not much. But we should still hurry!"

"Well, you're no fun," Netto sulked as he shuffled his feet with a defeated facial expression. "You've gotta at least admit it, though. Ciel and Leviathan are cute and sexy dynamite!"

Rockman.exe truly did feel like expressing his agreement, but remembered that anything on the Internet is open to the public. Knowing that Roll was the jealous type and would soon come after him with intense resolve, he decided to answer another burning theory: "You know, for a longest time I never figured out Harpuia's gender until I heard him talk. This new Audio-Visual Link System Public Beta rules! However, we're missing the point."

Netto's tendency to get distracted was rubbing off on Rockman, but at least Rockman still knew how to get back on track…at least, in a shorter time than Netto could. His distraction didn't last long, however, for suddenly he heard a shrill exclamation from behind him:

"Missing who? Me?"

When he turned around, facing him was the ultimate embodiment of evil. A Navi so powerful it could annoy humans relentlessly and destroy entire networks with its unstoppable array of heinous deeds.

Adver Man.

END PART IV


	5. Chapter 5: Cross Confusion

PART V: CROSS CONFUSION

"I know who you are!" muttered Rockman.exe as he directed an icy glare at Adver Man.

"These days, who doesn't?" said a human voice, sitting across from Netto in Densan City Middle School's cafeteria. "It's good to meet you. You must be the famously and blissfully oblivious Netto Hikari."

"You…you must be Kenishiro!" shouted Netto, continuing the flow of introductory name exchange, and confirming his oblivious nature by continuing: "What are you doing here in my school? Are you taking classes here? Man, you're stupid! Oh wait…I'm taking classes here too! But, I'm supposed to be here…Man, my head hurts!"

"I have no time to discuss the intricate philosophy behind what a sixth grader is doing in the sixth grade. I do not blame you for playing Rockman Zero when you're supposed to be hunting me. After all, body-wise, Ciel and Leviathan have got it going on."

Kenishiro made a perverted grin, then continued, "But I really can't have any interference from you in my ultimate mission of selling IPC's goods. You may have defeated Doctors Rugal and Wily, but my methods are quite different. I can say without ego that a Net Savior, one as oblivious to his opponent as you are, will never defeat me."

"How did you know I was a Net Savior?" Netto asked, completely taken aback by Kenishiro's current events awareness. "Did you hack into the Internet? Did you use some top-secret marketing spyware code? Did you reverse-engineer the entire Net Savior agency database? Or…don't tell me…you installed a Trojan Horse data miner in my PC?"

"My non-existent genius would love to take credit for that, but no."

"Then how did you get access to my Net Savior files?" Netto asked with a piercing, inquisitive stare that made him look so much more intelligent than he actually was.

"All I did was read your blogs online. Also, sometimes Enzan gets such a laugh out of them he sends them to me in company memos. Oh, and that one about Dekao's post-steak diarrhea was priceless. And tell me, does Meiru-chan REALLY beat you up that often?"

"Oh yeah, she does. I think she and I are getting to the point where…Well, now! I see Enzan's distraction techniques are a bad influence on you! So if you're at IPC, and Enzan's the CEO, and you work for IPC…you work for HIM!"

"Uhhh…do you think you could repeat that?"

"I don't think he could repeat that if he tried," Rockman replied, closing his eyes and nodding in certainty.

"Anyway," Kenishiro continued, "Enzan is only the starting point! Soon…"

"…we will go independent, so we can sell all the goods we can to everyone in the community, for any company we want! Think of all the sponsors I'll have on my crest!" Adver Man said happily, raising both of his chubby little arms.

"And that's evil…how?" Rockman appeared quite puzzled as he questioned the motives of Adver Man's backwards villainy.

"Of course it's evil, but not in the way we expected," replied Kenishiro. "Don't you remember what Meiru said about carpal tunnel syndrome, and having to delete all of those ads? Just like beer. It's not the alcohol itself that bothers you…it's the hangover you get afterwards."

(Of course, it is the post-drink bathroom break as well. Beer is never really drunk, just recycled.)

"How…how did you know Meiru said that?" At that moment, Netto had a flashback where he was standing in the front row listening to Meiru's speech…and Kenishiro was standing right next to him. "Uh, never mind."

"Now then…care to dance?" said Kenishiro with a maniacal grin.

"Umm…what?" Netto asked in a puzzling tone.

"Dance. You know, like, fight, dude! Let's get it on in the Blogosphere!" Kenishiro now had a new personal best: three outdated expressions in a single breath.

Netto felt a sweat drop would do the situation justice. "Are you for real?"

"Forget it. You obviously aren't uncool enough to understand what I'm saying. It's time for me to test the Spontaneous Cross Fusion Power of an Asteroid Navi!" Kenishiro dramatically busted out a Synchro Chip.

"You can Cross Fuse? Wait…first of all, where did you get that chip?" Netto asked, pointing at the gleaming chip in Kenishiro's hand.

"Craig's List," Kenishiro replied in monotone. "Cross Fusion! R-Adver Man!"

Kenishiro slotted in five Battle Chips and a Synchro Chip, and Netto watched in awe as he Cross Fused without the need of a Dimensional Area. When the transformation was complete, Kenishiro stood before him dressed in loose-fitting clothing reminiscent of a Chinese boxer's uniform. He had one of those cool Chinese conic sun shade hats woven in straw, colored in a deep, dark blue, complete with the "Ctrl-Alt-Del" lettering of Adver Man etched across its front edge. All of this would have been very impressive, except for the most comical part of his outfit: Adver Man's crest, which now read: "Buy From Me!"

"Most…stupid…Cross Fusion…ever…" Netto cringed, clenching his fists both in disgust and in holding back a sudden outburst of laughter.

"I'd like to see what YOU look like when you're Cross Fused! Possibly as dumb as a…Rock?"

"Netto…Cross Fuse already," Rockman muttered between clenched teeth. "He's going down."

"But there's no Dimensional Area! How will we do it?"

"The new Giga Class Processor Chip has a program called the Type R Code allows us to. We're going to pay that Kenishiro back for insulting my name!"

"Cash or check?" asked R-Adver Man, raising an eyebrow.

"IOU with NO INTEREST!" replied Netto, after which R-Adver Man frowned angrily. "Now then, you've shown me how stupid you look! Now, I'll outdo your stupidity!"

"You want to think about that one for a second?" R-Adver Man inquired, a huge sweatdrop manifesting on his forehead.

"Cross Fusion! R-Rockman!" Netto slotted in six Battle Chips, and Cross Fused with Rockman to become one. When the transformation was complete, not many things about Rockman had changed. R-Adver Man decided to confirm this by thinking to himself, "His own Navi, but with brown hair? Well, he did outdo my stupidity, but by lack of originality instead. He exceeded me so far…perhaps he really is a worthy foe."

R-Rockman transformed his left arm into a sword and rushed to attack R-Adver Man, when suddenly, Mariko-sensei popped up spontaneously between the two and cried, "HOLD IT! No battles inside school buildings! Especially not Cross Fusions!"

"Mariko-sensei? You know, you could have just gotten killed," R-Rockman blinked. "Shouldn't you be teaching class?"

After thinking to herself, "And shouldn't you be IN class?" Mariko pointed to her impressionable sixth-grade students, who were watching the battle begin from just around the corner. All it took was the mere mention of Cross-Fused Netto Hikari picking a fight on an elder to get them flocking to witness it. Granted, this was the typical middle school student mindset in Densan City Middle School, but Mariko still found it disruptive.

"If you have to do it, the old auditorium is the best place. We've been meaning to demolish it anyway."

Minutes later, the two forever-conflicting forces of good and evil stood apart from one another in a rusted and thoroughly worn school auditorium. R-Adver Man opened up the pre-battle dialogue session: "Say, I should warn you that I have nothing to lose in this fight. After all, a young child like yourself should really be cautious, since there's no doubt you already know the long-term side effects that happen when you Cross Fuse."

"Of course," R-Rockman replied. "Because the Cross Fusion draws its power from the operator, it will make me weaker after this fight, and perhaps even result in a coma."

"In other words, no prolonged activity. Just like…" R-Adver Man pointed at his crotch. "…you know."

"OF ALL THE…I'VE GOT MORE STAMINA THAN THAT!"

"Hehehe."

"So what's this about having nothing to lose? And what makes you think that the whole...ahem...thing you just said doesn't affect YOU even more than ME?"

Kenishiro grinned like a maniac as he said ominously, "I have no reason to live happily...after all, I'm past the prime of my life. I'm now hated by pretty much everyone. My manager threatened to fire me. On top of that..."

"Yeah?"

"...I'm married."

"You really DO have nothing to lose."

"You know, Netto, deep down inside, you and I are really the same."

"Yes, indeed we are, Kenishiro. We are both…"

R-Adver Man and R-Rockman expressed their resolve by bursting into an array of dazzling and passionate flame, signaling a terrible omen of a dreadful decisive battle to come. To add one final dose of fuel to the hungry flames of violence and combat, they continued in unison before rushing at each other:

"…EQUALLY STUPID!"

END PART V


	6. Chapter 6: I Don't Laika Marketing!

PART VI: I DON'T LAIKA MARKETING!

LOCATION: A Sharo military base operating in Densan City, inner downtown.

"All you can eat, bub," said a grisly man in a hairnet as he handed a tray of food over the cafeteria counter.

Laika stared down at the meal that the hair-netted cafeteria chef had just handed to him. "Great," he thought grudgingly to himself. "Back when the economy was doing well, our military used to get imported Filet Mignon, three meals a day. Now the only food we get is an assorted exotic sushi platter and seaweed salad. Geez, the only thing that could make my day better would be laughing at that cafeteria chef's stupid hairnet."

Laika looked back at the hairnetted chef, but no laughter came. Clearly, he had chosen an inappropriate method of comic relief, for no matter how hard he tried, he was much too serious to bring himself to laugh at anything.

He carried his food over to sit at an empty table by himself as usual, but passed the opportunity when he saw that the only empty table left was situated next to where some new recruits had already sat down. They were busy using their high metabolism to scarf down a bunch of helpless, defenseless lunch platters, and Laika certainly didn't feel like overhearing what they would do with their girlfriends once they returned home.

"Laika! Over here!" shouted a familiar voice. "Take this empty seat next to me."

"Iriya? Back from fencing practice already?"

"No, even better! I just finished my part-time job, using my swordsmanship skills to trim the Commander's weeds. It's a metrosexual job for a soldier, to be sure, but someone has to do it."

Laika raised an inquiring eyebrow, as if reminding Iriya of something he may have forgotten. "Did you make sure to trim the excess petals around the orange magnolias ferdinandicus, as well as water the septicalanonymus forensicatreus?"

"Not only that…I rearranged the floral structures of the semiapocalyptical eucalyptusites. I even reverse-engineered the root structure of the relativius gratificatus so that it does not interfere with the photosynthetic feeding process of the gastronomicus maximus floriwonderus. As the children say, the end result was very…fab."

"Excellent, Iriya. You are not just a soldier…you are an absolute nerd."

Iriya grinned. "Yes, only one as intelligent as I could ever hope to amass so many Mad Skills."

Laika nodded in agreement, then continued, "So, Iriya, I saw you looking rather disturbed this afternoon while you were peeling potatoes in the kitchen. What exactly were you thinking about?"

"Besides the tedious act of actually peeling the potatoes? Well, the Commander gave me a harsh lecture this morning. Apparently, I sold all of our weapons supply and bought 1,500,000 yen worth of plastic children's toys using the profits I made, and I sincerely didn't even know about it. The military decided to punish me, so that's why you saw me peeling potatoes…although I really don't know what we'll use those potatoes for."

Laika thought to himself, "So THAT'S why we used squeak hammers and baby rattles in lethal weapons training."

(Granted, anything in the hands of a Sharo military soldier was a weapon, but some things were better left untouched.)

"Anyway," Iriya continued, "the ads were sent to me from a curious and cute little fellow who called himself Adver Man."

Laika's eyes narrowed; Iriya had uttered the very designation of the other He Who Must Not Be Named. As if by cue, Laika's PET glowed red, indicating a dangerous battle at Densan City Middle School. At the same time, a loud speaker alarm sounded, "IT'S THE CLUB THAT'S MADE FOR BOYS AND GIRLS LIKE YOU AND ME! M-I-C-K-E-Y-M-O-U-S-E!"

Laika and Iriya cringed. "Mickey…Mouse?"

"I can explain that," said Searchman.exe, as he ran around in circles on Laika's PET. "I arranged a deal with a Net Navi named Adver Man, to whom I sold the military's alarm system to buy a brand-new Giga Class processor chip from IPC."

"Searchman! Why did you do such a thing?" asked Laika disappointedly.

"Look at how fast I can run now. Also, look at this." Searchman blasted his rifle at a random area, creating a gargantuan crater nearly 200 feet wide. Laika could not say he was happy considering the circumstances, but at least he felt a little more agreeable, and certainly impressed.

"Well, Searchman, that certainly ruled. As the children say, 1337. However, that doesn't change the fact that our alarm was sold to a corrupt salesman Navi."

"And because of this…" Iriya shuddered, "we were forced to use one of the toys I bought as a temporary alarm…Mickey Mouse! It's just too terrible and Disneyesque to comprehend!"

"My reputation of being relentlessly boring and overly serious is threatening to be ruined! That Adver Man will pay dearly for this!" shouted Laika as he ran out the door, ignoring his commanding officer's orders to peel potatoes as punishment for the Mickey Mouse alarm. Soon it was announced that this same officer had bought a large quantity of spud cannons.

The central intercom blasted a series of orders: "Everyone, man your cooking stations! Officer Kumo has purchased a large supply of spud cannons! We need everyone to get into the kitchen to start peeling potatoes for ammunition!"

Everyone listening directed an icy glare at Officer Kumo, then trodded grudgingly into the cafeteria's kitchen. Clearly, the sooner Adver Man was stopped, the better things would be.

LOCATION: An old and rusty auditorium building at Densan City Middle School.

"Program Advance! ZETA CANNON!"

"Sales Technique! RESULTS MAY VARY!"

R-Rockman's Zeta Cannon transformed into a huge chunk of cotton candy. The old auditorium was now filled with an array of children's toys and other such random items that were the result of his neutralized attacks.

"I think it's obvious when you look around," R-Rockman panted, exhausted from this so-called fight, "that you've been using this Results May Vary a little too much."

"Yeah, I agree," said R-Adver Man. "You must admit though, it's fun just to fight me and see what random item you get. It's just as if we're a role-playing game."

"You know, it's funny you should say that. But I really don't care about all these random items! I just wanna go home and eat."

"Look around you," said R-Adver Man, raising an eyebrow and pointing at all the cotton candy that R-Rockman's attacks had transformed into.

"Cotton candy! HOT DAWG!" R-Rockman cried as he unleashed his mighty hunger on a lone, defenseless pile of cotton candy, again revealing his fatal distraction flaw.

Suddenly, Laika rushed heatedly into the building, armed with a trusty spud cannon and a sack of the potatoes that Iriya had just peeled. As soon as he saw the random items piled up messily in the building, he let the sight soak in for a minute and then glanced at his own spud cannon, a sweat drop materializing on his forehead. At that moment, he thought quizzically to himself: "On any other day, this might seem strange."

"Raika! Fank goodneff yur here!" shouted R-Rockman as he scarfed down his cotton candy, making himself look rather pathetic in Laika's eyes. "R-Adver Man is running amok! I'm losing desparately! I need your help!"

"Apparently so," Laika replied, raising an eyebrow and taking in the gratuitous hilarity of the situation, thinking this must be why he thought Japanese Net Saviors had no Mad Skills. "Very well…even if it looks as though you don't need it, I suppose it is my duty to intervene."

With that, Laika put down his spud cannon and busted out his even trustier Synchro Chip. "Cross Fusion! R-Searchman!" He Cross-Fused with Searchman, but was slightly appalled when what was supposed to be his rifle arm was something quite different: a foam ball-shooting plastic slingshot. "Searchman…"

"Yes, Laika?"

"You sold the rifle too, didn't you?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Forget it. I'll just have to make do with this."

Laika pulled back a foam ball and shot at Adver Man's chest with land-on-a-dime precision. However, R-Adver Man did not deter the attack with his Results May Vary trick; he just let the ball hit him as though he was completely and utterly oblivious to it.

"Why didn't you block?" asked R-Rockman and R-Searchman in unison.

"What makes you think I had to block THAT one?" R-Adver Man responded with a cocky demeanor.

"There is no doubting your Mad Skills," R-Searchman murmured between clenched teeth, "but it is time to end this now! I'll take you out with one shot! This time, I'm going for the one target that TRULY matters!"

R-Searchman lowered his slingshot's aim, directing his precise line of fire at R-Adver Man's crotch. R-Adver Man suddenly realized where his aim was directed and became incredibly horrified. Perhaps Netto and Laika really had won this battle after all.

"Cheap shots like that usually don't win battles by themselves," Kenishiro stated in a defeated manner as he dispersed his Cross Fusion, "but I wouldn't want to risk any damage to the family jewels. I'll let you live for today, but I'll be back to sell to you again tomorrow."

As Netto and Laika also dispersed their Cross Fusions, Kenishiro was about to leave the auditorium and walk off dramatically into the sunset with intense and vengeful resolve, when he tripped over a random rubber duckling created by one of R-Rockman's neutralized attacks. "I MEANT TO DO THAT!"

"He was quite ineffective," Laika said, giving up all hope of making sense out of the situation, "but still very powerful. It would be wise to consult the others, namely your friends, on this incredibly dangerous and life-threatening manner."

"Uhhh…come again?" asked Netto, raising an eyebrow.

Laika sighed, remembering he had to dumb things down a little for Netto. "Well, ummm...we need some help fragging this 1337 dude."

"You're right! This looks like a job for…somebody else!" Netto cried as he busted out his cell phone to call Enzan and the others. "Our combined stupidity is not enough! We need more!"

Laika glared at Netto as he questioned the implications of his statement, then stared up at the sky, where Duo's comet shone brightly, and thought to himself, "Duo, Slur…what have you done?"

END PART VI


	7. Chapter 7: A Conversation by Instant Mas...

PART VII: A CONVERSATION BY INSTANT MASSAGE

LOCATION: IPC World Headquarters, still in Japan.

"Quicker! Harder! And then even quicker! Oh man, you do that like a pro!" Enzan squealed pleasurably as his back received a thoroughly gratifying work-over from his beautiful secretary. As usual, Enzan lay face-down on the table wearing nothing but a bath towel, and she wore her massage therapist's ensemble: a devilishly cute French maid outfit.

Unfortunately, this moment of pure, unadulterated nirvana did not last long. Out of the corner of his ear, Enzan heard the persistent ringing of his cell phone, on which he had downloaded a custom ringtone: "Answer Must Be Somewhere." He took a moment to hum along and nod his head to the rhythm, as he always did, then picked up after eight seconds.

"You've reached Enzan Injuin," he answered in monotone, then lowering his head in disappointment as he heard Netto's voice on the other line.

"Hello? Enzan, are you there? It's me, Netto Hikari!"

Enzan sighed and attempted to at least temporarily silence his annoying comrade by replying, "I'm not available to answer the phone right now. Please leave a message at the sound of the beep, and I'll get back to you soon…WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT. Beep!"

"Enzan, once again, it's me, Netto Hikari!" Netto replied, again revealing his gullibility for distraction. "How are you doing? Good? Good for me, too. My mom just made me this excellent spicy curry, and I ate so much I could literally feel fire coming out of my mouth! And then I had such a stomachache that I went to the bathroom and took the biggest…"

"AND HE NEEDS TO KNOW THIS, WHY?" shouted an annoyed voice over the intercom that Enzan could have sworn belonged to Laika. Deciding that this was an important enough matter to justify a personal conversation, he perked up and replied, "Laika? Laika, is that you?"

"ENZAN! Thank goodness!"

"Laika, what happened? You sound awfully out of character…and when did your voice get so high? It's as if you're recalling your pre-puberty days or something."

"No, it's still Netto Hikari! And I'm not in my pre-puberty days! I'm still at the start of it all! Speaking of which, is my voice getting deeper? Listen for it: SUPER-CALA-FRAGILISTIC-EXPIALA-DOCIOUS."

Enzan's secretary jumped back as he shouted, rather annoyed: "GET LAIKA ON THE PHONE!"

"Fine, sheesh! That serious Blues.EXE of yours sure is a bad influence on you!" Netto grudgingly handed his cell phone to Laika, who greeted Enzan formally as usual, then said, "We've just survived a battle with Adver Man. I think he left us alive on purpose; then again, I did attempt a cheap shot at his cajones."

"Hold it! You fought Adver Man?" Enzan cried. He then turned back to his secretary and asked with a cute puppy-dog face, "Could you try using BOTH hands?"

"Very well, I am holding the cellular phone with both hands," Laika sighed while rolling his eyes. "Anyway, I've analyzed Adver Man's combat techniques, and it appears he uses defensive-type attacks. Throughout the entire battle, when Kenishiro was Cross Fused with Adver Man, he never attacked us. All he did was render all of our offensive tactics into harmless comic relief."

"Eh…come again?" Enzan asked, raising an eyebrow.

Laika sighed yet again; he was, after all, addressing a person who was technically a seventh-grader by age, and likely had not developed such a long-winded manner of conversation. Dumbing himself down, he continued, "In short, he didn't attack us; he made us look stupid. Come to think of it, that could be classified as worse than attacking…"

"So I see," Enzan replied, nodding. Calling back to his secretary, he cried loud enough for both Netto and Laika to hear over the intercom: "OH YEAH! That feels GOOD! Now wet the back and rub the lower area, just above the butt!"

Netto and Laika looked at each other with their eyebrows raised and synchronized dual sweat-drops of quizzical wonderment adorning their foreheads. Laika licked the back of Netto's cell phone and rubbed the lower part of the number keypad with his sleeve.

"LAIKA!" cried Netto. "What are you doing with my cell phone?"

"Don't blame me," Laika shrugged. "I'm just following Enzan's instructions."

"Oh…well then, just don't get any moisture into it, okay? My dad still has three payments left on it, and none of this stuff is covered under warranty!"

Laika nodded his understanding of Netto's need to protect his cell phone from gratuitous harassment, then continued speaking to Enzan: "I don't understand what that is all about, Enzan, but I've done what I could to follow your instructions. Anyway, it appears that Adver Man is a Navi incapable of attack, and strictly concentrates on defending himself in battle."

"Do you think he could be holding back a secret attack?"

"Considering the intelligence of Kenishiro the operator, it's highly unlikely that the two have enough intelligence between them to even know what a secret attack is."

"I see. Well then, keep me posted." Enzan turned back to his secretary and said in a very satisfied manner, "I am satisfied. Now comes the shower."

Netto and Laika looked at each other. Netto's face was a horrific expression of terrified and morbid fear, and Laika looked as though he knew what had to be done. He threw Netto's cellular phone into a random pitcher of soda generated by one of Netto's neutralized attacks. Netto's phone sizzled and crackled, as if to ask, "WHY did you give me a shower? WHY?" Laika then made a solemn and formal Sharo military salute as Netto burst into tears, his eyes pouring like fountains.

Enzan could have sworn he heard a sizzle and crackle over the phone, and cried, "Laika! Netto! Are you there? Blast it, Adver Man…you must have attacked them when they were off guard! I swear on my life that I'll avenge you! But first, a bath to cleanse this defeat from my filth-ridden hands! SEXY SECRETARY!"

Tears rolled from Enzan's eyes as he walked over to his top-floor penthouse suite's shower, beautiful secretary in tow. As the bathtub filled with smooth filtered water, Enzan Injuin could only think of one thing.

Adver Man would pay. Dearly. For a crime he actually never even committed.

END PART VII


	8. Chapter 8: You Too, Metools

PART VIII: YOU TOO, METOOLS

Enzan wasn't sure what to make of the whole situation as he made his way to the town square with Yaito in tow. Enzan and Laika apparently seemed dead, as Adver Man was must have caught them off guard during his massage. He knew he wouldn't be able to fend off Adver Man by himself, and so he would have to call…HER.

"You were thinking about calling HER, weren't you?" asked Yaito.

"I haven't seen her since I last went to America when I was eleven," Enzan muttered, looking at the sky for no apparent reason. "We met at McDonald's…I had no money to pay for my McMuffins so she lent me a couple of bucks."

"You didn't have any money? You were still rich back then, weren't you?"

"My dad held all of my money, and he was stingy as hell."

"Oh."

"Anyway, she gave me a big American noogie afterwards and said I owed her…just imagine what the interest would be now…but man, she was HOT! I couldn't believe what she was wearing! I looked down at my pants and realized I had my first…"

"You'd better stop before you give me too much information, Enzan."

The two finally arrived at the town square, where who should happen to greet them but Netto and Laika. Enzan seemed overjoyed to see both of them, but considering the previous circumstances of their conversation, the other two were slightly less content.

"NETTO! LAIKA! YOU'RE ALIVE!" cried Enzan.

"What, did you try to get rid of us last night or something?" Netto asked with a raised eyebrow as Laika backed away.

"I should have done that a long time ago, but no," Enzan replied, closing his eyes. "Laika…what's with that expression? You look as though you've seen a ghost."

"I do not associate myself with anyone who makes me harass cellular phones. You really should see a psychiatrist, or Miyuki, or something," Laika said, cowering by the fountain. "More importantly, I have new information that could lead to Adver Man's defeat."

"But we tried defeating him already!" shouted Netto. "There's no point in trying to defeat someone like that! Don't you remember what happened in the auditorium? We can't possibly defeat someone as equally stupid as I am! We can't risk another room full of candy and toys!"

Laika took a moment to ponder how much this quote did not make sense before continuing, "Slur appeared to me last night, looking rather desperate."

Enzan raised an eyebrow, Yaito made a disgusted expression, and Netto grinned wildly, letting his imagination run wild.

"Oh quiet, all of you!" Laika continued while rolling his eyes, glaring at Netto in particular. "She told me that it was up to us to stop the evil she had created, so she told me Adver Man's weakness. It turns out that he derives his power from the Village of the Mets, deep in the URA Internet. And one more thing…"

Slur suddenly materialized in a blinding white flash and stood side-by-side with Searchman.

"…she's coming with us," Laika continued.

"Well. THIS is certainly a new development," Blues muttered while looking at the ground and shuffling his feet, disappointed that he was no longer the most powerful Navi with the biggest ego on the team.

"I have to see this through myself," Slur said, closing her eyes. "I do not believe that those chosen to defend Earth from evil can withstand this threat alone."

"You just want to kill us later, don't you?" Rockman asked angrily. "And what's this about assisting us? All you can do is tie people up in wires! Just what we need, another magician on the team."

"Perhaps I'll kill you," Slur nodded while grinning at Rockman, "but that will happen much later. All that matters now is getting rid of Adver Man before he sells any more goods for IPC. Everyone, listen carefully."

Slur pointed at a screen that had suddenly materialized and began showing a set of slides. Rockman, Blues, Searchman, and Glyde all crowded around it and lay face-down, as though they were kindergarteners listening to a schoolteacher reading "See Spot Run."

SLIDE 1: ADVER MAN AND KENISHIRO RUNNING AROUND STUPIDLY

"As we all know," Slur began, "Adver Man and his operator are stupid."

SLIDE 2: ROCKMAN AND NETTO HIKARI RUNNING AROUND STUPIDLY

"Just as stupid as them, as you all know by now," Slur continued.

"Hey! We represent that remark!" Rockman and Netto cried in unison.

"Shh, Glyde whispered as he put his index finger in front of his puckered mouth. "This story's starting to get exciting!"

SLIDE 3: ADVER MAN GETTING BEAT UP BY CHIBI SLUR

"But he does have a weakness," Slur continued, nodding. At this point Enzan was looking at his PET with ferocious concentration, Laika was doing the same, Netto was pondering his stupidity, and Yaito wondered why Glyde couldn't do cool slide shows either.

SLIDE 4: ADVER MAN JUST FARTING AROUND WITH SOME METOOLS

Slur brought up a slide of Adver Man having a picnic with five Metools whose helmeted heads looked almost exactly like his. They had tiny little suitcases on either side of their heads and chubby, adorable bodies. Yaito squealed and shouted "I want one!"

Slur rolled her eyes and continued, "Adver Man derives his powers from his Metool friends, who have been seen in the Metool Village. There are five advertiser-type Metools that Adver Man is known to befriend. Their names are Happy, Slappy, Hungry, Grumpy, and Dopey."

SLIDE 5: HAPPY PERFORMING THE CHICKEN DANCE

"Happy the Metool is the most gleeful member of the team. He likes anything having to do with satisfying himself, especially singing or dancing. He also has the ability to deceive others by attacking them off guard, when they think he is dancing. You should all be on your guard against the Happy."

SLIDE 6: SLAPPY FLIRTING WITH CHIBI ROLL

"Slappy is the flirt of the group. He particularly enjoys hanging out at the Metool Village tavern and hitting on female Navis who pass by the area. He is, however, not known to be charming to the ladies and received his nickname because he is most always slapped. He is, therefore, accustomed to violence and has the highest hit points of the five. If you're a girl, chances are he'll try to flirt with you, so be on your guard."

"Then you're in trouble, Slur," Rockman said with a sweatdrop manifesting on his forehead. "You're a girl."

"Damn," Slur twitched nervously. "Anyway…"

SLIDE 7: HUNGRY EATING A HELLUVA LOT

"Hungry is the most strategically troublesome of the five. He has the ability to transfer hit points to any character on his team. He also eats the most, and can even devour most attacks. If combined with any of the others, the situation could get out of hand."

SLIDE 8: GRUMPY STAYING IN BED WITH AN ANIME VEIN ON HIS FOREHEAD

"Grumpy is the most powerful attacker in the group. He is a closet Goth and hates practically everything. He is known to appreciate songs by Evanescence and Limp Bizkit, and still can't believe the band Korn is old and outdated. His attacks range from dangerous to very dangerous, so you must approach him with extreme caution."

SLIDE 9: SLUR MAKING A SEXY POSE WITH A COUPLE OF SAILORS AT THE NAVY DOCKS

Slur blushed madly, wondering how that got in there. Blues, in the meantime, struggled to get rid of a huge nosebleed.

SLIDE 10: DOPEY RUNNING AROUND STUPIDLY

"Dopey is p-potentially the most l-lethal of the team," Slur stammered, still blushing at the somewhat gratuitous picture she took with those sailors. "He has the power to distract others with his stupidity, serving as a diversion while the other four attack the enemy off-guard. Although little more than comic relief, he is still a force to be reckoned with. Other than his lack of intelligence…nothing else worth mentioning, really."

SLIDE 11: CHIBI SLUR WITH GLASSES AND A POINTER STICK, ASKING "ANY QUESTIONS?"

"Now that the show is over, does anyone ask any questions?"

"Yes," Glyde said, raising his hand. "I don't understand…could you repeat everything you just said?"

Slur enveloped Glyde in wires, after which he remained quiet. "WHO ELSE WANTS TO SAY IT?" she screamed.

"So how do you propose we defeat the Metool team?" Blues asked, raising his hand nervously while glancing at Glyde's steaming heap on the ground.

"If we fought all five of them at once, we would be at a disadvantage. Therefore, we must somehow split all five of them up in order to get them. Each of us will tackle one Metool."

"Now that we know what we need to do…we really should get going," said Enzan. "I'll see what I can do. By the way, Yaito, have you told everyone at your company that I thought they were stupid? That was an important part of the mission, after all."

Yaito glared at Enzan, pulled down an eyelid, and stuck out her tongue. "I'll take that as a yes," Enzan replied.

And so our heroes set off into the horizon, not knowing what to expect from the great Village of the Metools beyond. Some of their hearts were filled with determination. Others didn't know what they were in for. And Netto just wanted something to eat. Setting off towards the distance, they walked off dramatically into the sunset. And then Netto tripped on a banana peel, setting off a domino effect that toppled everyone over.

"WAY TO RUIN THE DRAMA, NETTO!" everyone cried.

"Mmmmppphhh…sawwy," Netto murmured.

END PART VIII


	9. Chapter 9: Village of the Metools

PART IX: THE VILLAGE OF THE METOOLS

Netto, Enzan, Laika, Yaito, and Meiru were now all at home, communicating their efforts to each other through use of a forum. In the meantime, Rockman, Searchman, Blues, Glyde, and Roll proceeded to the Metool Village. However, the journey was not to be a quiet one, for suddenly Blues felt compelled to say something to Slur.

"So, Slur…" Blues whispered as he leaned toward her, "what exactly DID you do with those sailors?"

"That is a long story that involves too much bad accordian music, rubber ducklings, inflatable chairs, and cheap alcohol," Slur replied, blushing and closing her eyes.

"And so…if, say, I happened to get a job as a sailor…what are the chances of you and me…" Blues tried to flirt, but became quiet as soon as he started to notice Slur's wires entangling his body.

"That would not do justice to the fangirls who love to draw you and Enzan naked," Roll countered, with a devilish grin, after which it was Blues' turn to blush. "Come to think of it…I rather like those pictures."

"We've been walking for hours," Rockman complained. "Can't we just connect there if we know where it is already?"

"The Metools are an unusually mobile species of virus," Glyde replied while pointing upward in an intellectual fashion for who knows whatever reason. "They move from place to place, following other virii and wrecking havoc. Therefore, it's likely that the five Adver Metools are even scattered throughout the outskirts of the city. This means that connecting directly would cost us any opportunity we would have to search for them in the in-between areas, where they could possibly hang out."

"In so many words, yes," Searchman continued as Rockman's brain fizzled out from the sheer amount of info it had just been asked to process.

"Yeah!" Roll shouted gleefully. "Cheer up, Rockman! Don't worry, be happy! Here, this will help you!" She "glomped" Rockman tightly around his shoulders and squeezed him so that he almost turned purple.

"If you must do that," Blues provided some color commentary on the event, "you should get a private space in a chatroom for it instead of doing it here in the open. Anyway, it seems we've arrived."

"How do you know that?" Slur asked, tilting her head.

Blues pointed at a sign that read, "YOU HAVE REACHED THE VILLAGE OF THE METOOLS. POPULATION: TOO MANY."

Slur slapped her forehead, then said, "I have already spent far too much time with the likes of you all if I did not even notice that. I shudder to think I am the smart one here."

The group continued into the Village of the Metools, a large village of cubical dwellings nestled very close to each other. It seemed as if each of them was large enough for a Navi of average height to walk into, and in front of each was a small mailbox, each and every one reading, "Welcome to Metto's House."

"If every one of them is named Metto," Blues observed with a grin that said he knew everything in the world, "then finding those five Adver Mets should be no problem. We just need to ask these villagers where to find them. They probably stick out like sore thumbs! HEY! METTO!"

"Metto! Metto metto!" a mungogagillion squeaky voices responded. Soon thereafter, an ungodly amount of Metools stampeded toward them. Rockman wanted badly to run away, and Blues almost wet himself. Roll continued to maintain a death grip on Rockman. Searchman prepared to shoot any Metool that would dare to bonk him with a pickaxe. Slur didn't really care.

"Metto! You dare call all of us here?" one Metool asked.

"You! The one who spoke!" replied Roll. "You must be the leader!"

"Metto! We only underlings of Great Leader Mettometto!" cried another Metool, after which every other Met bowed in reverence. "All our base are belong to him!"

"Then take us to your leaders!" Rockman shouted, dramatically citing a gratuitously overused science fiction quote.

"Metto! We only underlings of Great Leader Mettometto! All our base are belong to him!" the same Metool replied.

"You already said that!" Rockman replied, rather disturbed. "Now tell us where to find Happy, Slappy, Hungry, Grumpy, and Dopey."

The Metool repeated his quote a third annoying time. "No wonder you guys are so expendable, because you're so STUPID!" Rockman looked as though he would go ballistic when Blues held him back.

"You're sort of slow, aren't you?" he said with a raised eyebrow. "Ordinary Metools are so numerous that they are programmed as townsfolk in a role-playing game. No matter how many times you talk to them in advanced code, each of them can only say one line. Wily did this way back when so that it would be easier to program them as a whole. They don't understand advanced language, so we will have to speak to them in BASIC. In other words, caveman talk."

"And you expected Rockman to understand all of that?" Searchman asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Very well…let me try!" shouted Roll gleefully as she skipped toward the Metools, who tilted their heads, not sure what to make of her feminine cuteness. "Hello all you cuties. Me name Roll. We want go to leader. Mmmmmm."

"Mmmmmm!" replied the Metools in unison. "We understand! You see leaders later…you look like you have long trip! We fix you up now!"

"Thank you!" Roll squealed while jumping up and down gleefully, taking immense delight in seeing the Metools do the same. She looked back and winked at Rockman, who smiled back with a huge sweat drop on his forehead, thinking, "If she has to be…she can be even more stupid than Netto."

The Metools lifted the group onto the tops of their heads and carried them into an enormous white building labeled "MET-HOSPITAL." They were seated in a relatively boring room with nothing posted on the walls except for a single sign that read, "Cheap medications! Low prices, high quality, and NOT the other way around! Buy new pills at the best prices from our Great Leader Adver Man!"

Slur froze in her tracks. "Do you all realize what that means?"

"That we don't have to rely on the government for Medicare?" Rockman asked, a jovial smile adorning his face.

"That too. But it also means since the Adver Mets Happy, Slappy, Hungry, Grumpy, and Dopey have been appointed as leaders, they have likely spread propaganda like this throughout the village. It's therefore likely that all Metools here are now loyal to Adver Man. So we may not just have to fight the leaders themselves…"

Everyone listening suddenly became serious as they realized what she was getting at.

"…we may have to fight the entire Metool network."

The five of them sat grimly, awaiting the horrible decisive battle to come. Who knew what madness and annoying cuteness the Metools were capable of?


	10. Chapter 10: Histories Revealed

PART X: HISTORIES REVEALED

"They're pretty much pushovers, aren't they?" Rockman asked with a quizzical tilt of his head. "The Metools, I mean. They're practically programmed to be expendable."

"Do not get your hopes up," Slur shuddered. "I remember the last time I fought a group of Metools…"

"Are you going to have a flashback?" asked Rockman with narrowed eyes and a tired expression, knowing that a boring, long-winded story was ahead.

"…Yes."

Slur had a flashback where a chibi version of herself slapped her fins all over a bunch of Metools during her training under Duo's supervision. Tears flowed like fountains from their squinted little eyes as they received a bunch of merciless whoopings from Slur's fins, all the while wondering who had the nerve to give her such big sleeves to slap with anyway. Then, just when Slur was convinced she had won the battle, the Metools suddenly gathered to unleash their ultimate attack:

"SUPER REFLECTIVE ARMADILLO WALL!"

"…Super Reflective Armadillo Wall!" cried Roll. "I've heard of that attack! It's…" She became quiet as soon as wires began entangling her body.

"With all due respect, little pink one," Slur said while directing a stern expression at Roll, "this is my story and not yours. Therefore, it would be wise of you to let me have my moment."

"Little…pink…one?" Roll showed signs of becoming the terrible Devil Roll again, but decided to let Slur have her moment and finish her flashback anyway.

The flashback continued as the group of Mets huddled up into one huge pile and encased themselves in their helmets. The pile of Metools began to shine brightly, creating what looked like an enormous heap of radioactive excrement. Thinking something terrible would follow, Chibi Slur prepared herself for the worst. However, nothing happened for an incredibly long time. She waited as nothing continued to happen, almost indefinitely. Time seemed to stand still, yet continue flowing as a great river ebbs in the winds of despair and impatience. Day and night soon became one inseparable blur as the Mets became the only discernible light in…

"JUST GET TO THE POINT ALREADY! Did they attack you or not?" cried the almost completely transformed Devil Roll. "Good grief, do you have to be so poetic about everything?"

Chibi Slur had become impatient as a bear waiting for bees to produce honey before it would steal the fruits of their hard labor, and decided to attack. Surprisingly, her attack was reflected back at her, and she slapped herself on her cheek with her own right fin. Wondering what just happened, she tested her curiosity by slapping the glowing pile of Mets again and again, only to slap herself repeatedly and painfully in her own face. She finally ran to Duo, crying and shouting like the infant she was back then, her cute face turned completely red from taking the beating of her own slaps. Duo had then become very enraged, thinking Chibi Slur must have been hit on and kissed repeatedly on the cheek by an excited man wearing too much lipstick.

"And so," Slur said, continuing to flip through a slideshow she just conveniently happened to have for just such an explanation, "you can see from this series of slides that the Super Armadillo Wall could cause immense trouble for all of us."

"Question…and I won't ask to see THAT PICTURE again," Searchman asked in his usual monotone while raising his hand (that WASN'T a rifle, anyway), "why is it called the Armadillo Wall? Why not, say, the Invincible Mirror of the White Phoenix?"

Taking a moment to appreciate the sheer coolness of Searchman's name for the technique, and the horror that her "Posing with Sailors" picture was becoming a running gag, Slur replied, "It was named after a legendary golden armadillo of Japanese legend that fell from a cliff after stumbling on a banana peel, during a fight with the legendary Komodo Dragon over the last piece of day-old sashimi in their dinner leftovers. The golden armadillo thought it would die at the bottom of the cliff…that is, until it had the idea to roll itself into a ball, so that it would bounce back onto the top of the cliff and continue fighting for the sashimi."

"And did it work?" Blues asked, leaning in much closer in wonderment.

"Yes it did, but ultimately, not in the way it was meant to. The armadillo's protective ball of gold armor generated so much reflective power that he bounced from the bottom of the cliff into the endless heavens. He became an intense golden star, which then became known as the North Star, and the Komodo Dragon gorged himself on the leftovers. To this day, the North Star curses the Komodo Dragon for taking the last of the sashimi."

"Does this eventually tie back into the Metools?" asked Glyde, raising his right eyebrow and wondering if Slur had gone off on an irreverent tangent.

"Of course. Wily was a big fan of Japanese legends, so he named the technique for the reflective power of the armadillo. Since the armadillo was also quite stupid, especially to almost get itself killed over leftover day-old sashimi, Wily thought the name to be all the more appropriate for the Metools, who are essentially stupid and oblivious without someone to give them orders."

"Wow, she talks way too much," Blues said, while turning to Glyde. "That last comment just sounded a lot like what my operator Enzan says about your Yaito's employees. Everyone at Gabcom, in fact."

"Every single day, you now know what I deal with when your operator insults mine," Glyde murmured while rolling his eyes. "Anyway, Slur, does this technique have any other effects we should know about?"

"Yes," Slur nodded. "Here is me getting blasted away by the after-effect of the wall: the Armadillo Explosion of Sashimi Anger."

As if to illustrate her point, a huge explosion rocked the Metool hospital and a large division of Attacker-type Metools rushed to defend their home. Out of the chaos, Blues could have sworn he heard a familiar female voice shouting:

"CYBER ELF! MILITIA THE MASS DESTROYER! Hang on, my dear Blues-kun! I'm coming!"

"Dear…Blues…KUN?" asked all Navis simultaneously, including Slur, as they raised their collective eyebrows at the shrugging and oblivious yet nervous Blues. Roll danced around quite stupidly, singing, "Blues has a girlfriend! Blues has a girlfriend!"

In a brilliant flash and concussive explosion, the Metools were knocked into a huge pile, burned to a crisp with those cute spiral eyes that anime characters make when they get knocked out. A tall, slender female figure with a very cute face dressed in brilliant red, purple, and pink hues walked casually into the building, winking at Rockman and the gang. A long blonde ponytail flowed gently from the back of her helmet while the wind caressed it as if to enhance her cuteness. Then she saw Blues, and her face lit up as though she found the man of her dreams…which, as everyone would see, she ultimately did.

"Blues-kun? Is that you?" The odd female Navi approached Blues, who was now cowering nervously in the corner of the hospital room like a cornered kitten that had just been told it needed a bath. She then continued, "Oh, it IS! I've finally come to rescue you, my adorable little darling Blues-kun! It's been such a long time, hasn't it?"

Rockman blushed madly at the steamy and gushy romance that had just presented itself. He wondered aloud, "Why don't I have a girlfriend?"

He turned his head to look at Roll, who met his gaze with an icy glare, and added, "…er, yet?" Roll's glare turned to a satisfied smile that seemed to say, "Yeah! I've still got a chance with this guy!"

The mysterious blonde Navi tightly glomped Blues, who suddenly cringed as he realized who the voice belonged to. Meanwhile, in the real world, Enzan felt a sudden chill run up his spine as he, too, realized who had suddenly appeared on the scene. Out of nowhere, he felt a slender female arm secure a grip around his neck and a sharp pain at the peak of his silvery hair. It was a pain that Enzan had never forgotten: the sharp cerebral sting of an American-style noogie. He turned his head and there before him was a beautiful blonde foreigner scantily clad in red, white, and blue colors, wearing a bandanna with a Red Cross emblem on her head and carrying a slightly used skateboard. There was no doubt in his mind as to who she was now.

"Enzan! So I've finally found you! Prepare to get noogied, you jerk!" she cried mercilessly as she dug her knuckles into Enzan's defenseless scalp.

It was…HER. The tender young girl who had paid for Enzan's McMuffins during his trip to America. The very woman who touched his delicate eleven-year-old heart during a time when cooties were the biggest of his worries. And, as the other members of Enzan's social circle were about to find out, more than just a casual acquaintance.

"Everyone…there's someone I'd like to introduce you to," Blues murmured as he lowered his head. "This is a friend of mine from a long time ago…Ciel.EXE."

"I believe this introduction should have occurred when she blasted her way into this hospital and said, 'It's been a long time, Blues-kun.' But do spill any other details you may have anyway," Searchman replied, taking a sudden interest in this awkward situation.

"I'll hand it over to you, Enzan," Blues muttered while looking into the sky. In the real world, Enzan nodded with an ominous expression, knowing he was going to reveal something shocking, but a truth that needed to be told for the sake of mindless gossip.

"Yeah, who is this cutie?" Netto Hikari asked while staring at the blonde girl giving Enzan's scalp a thorough noogie work-over.

"I must say, with those clothes, or lack thereof, she is quite alluring," Laika said while raising an eyebrow and straightening his collar, making it obvious that he was excited to meet her, or at least stare at the rest of her.

"Ummm…yeah…" Meiru murmured with a disappointed yet anxious expression that seemed to say, "Netto, I think you'd better not think what I think you are thinking…"

"Speak up, Enzan. At this point, I could use the gossip," Yaito said with a devilish grin that said, "I'll tell everyone at Gabcom about this…oh man, what a juicy story!"

Enzan lowered his head dramatically and closed his eyes, as if in deep thought. "Everyone…this is Kristen, a Net Battler I met in America when I was eleven."

"Pleased to meet y'all!" Kristen said enthusiastically as she winked her left eye and made a peace sign with her right hand. Everyone (at least the guys) met her with a very nervous wave. But Kristen was not done yet. Turning to Enzan and continuing the noogie assault, she continued, "Aren't you forgetting to tell them something, twerp?"

"Urghhh…fine, I'm getting to that! Just please, for the sake of my fangirls, SPARE THE SCALP!"

Kristen gingerly let go of Enzan as he continued: "All right then…everyone…there's more I have to tell you. I don't blame you for thinking any less of me after this, but this is something I feel all of you must know."

At this point, everyone took a sudden interest in the situation; there was no doubt this was going to be good.

"This American Net Battler Kristen…she is…"

Enzan raised his head and opened his eyes while making a slightly disturbed facial expression, and the other members of his social circle leaned in to prepare themselves for a shocking truth that would alter his life forever:

"Kristen is…my fiancée."

END PART X


	11. Chapter 11: Enzan's Wife

PART XI (SIDE STORY): ENZAN'S WIFE

CALIFORNIA, A FEW YEARS AGO

A blonde adult American man twiddled his thumbs, waiting for his next customer to come along. Business was slow at the Adams Rare Chip Shop, as Higure was around stealing most of the rarest ones for himself, with his partner in crime: a slightly older marketing associate named Kenishiro. The American didn't have to wait long, however, for around the bend came a tall, very anal-looking Japanese man with a very bratty offspring in tow.

"Daddy! I wanna Battle Chip!" cried the child as he passed by the shop. "Gimme a rare one like Higure and Kenishiro have…OW! Why did you hit me?"

"You mentioned those two swine! I told you…NEVER mention the four-letter words, nor that six-lettered or nine-lettered ones!"

"You mean…Higure…and Kenishiro? OW!"

"What did I just say to you? Worthless swine! Here. Have another whack on the head…JUST IN CASE!"

"OWWWW!"

The blonde man cringed; that silver-and-black-haired child had just mentioned his most feared rival. An illegitimate one, but a rival nonetheless. That father was quite a ferocious animal as well. However, in America, any customer was a respected customer no matter what, and so he decided he would grant the child his wish. After all, the father looked like he needed a miracle to make him seem less temperamental than he already was, and a miracle bargain would be just the ticket.

"Perhaps you'd like to see some chips from my collection? I can give them to you…for the right price, of course," he said to the little two-tone-headed boy. "What are your names, kind customers?"

"I am Mister Ijuin, the owner of IPC Company and currently on executive leave," said the tall Japanese man, and then continuing while dragging his son in front of him, "…and this is my useless and bratty ten-year-old son. His name is Enzan Ijuin. Pleased to meet you. Now sell me a chip so I can get him back home to waste away like the worthless brat that he is!"

The blonde man cringed at the thought of ever being raised by someone like this, then said, "My name is Mr. Adams, the owner of this shop. Kristen, come out now. Don't be shy."

"But Dad…" squealed a cute feminine voice from behind Mr. Adams, "…I can never talk to strangers."

"Well, for today, you can make an exception. I would like you to meet somebody."

"Can I have a lolly first? He looks like a meanie!"

Cursed varicose veins popped up all over Mr. Ijuin's forehead, but for the sake of his own morals, he decided not to beat anyone today. That is, except Enzan, whom he then smacked over the back of his head.

"What was that for? I didn't even do anything!" cried little Enzan.

"Just in case! Now be quiet and behave!" Enzan cowered and lowered his head.

"My name's Kristen! I'm eleven! Nice to meet you!" squealed a young girl dressed in a shirt that said, "I (Heart) San Francisco."

"Your boyfriend's name is San Francisco?" Enzan asked with a tilt of his head, after which Kristen giggled uncontrollably.

In the back room, Enzan's father and Adam Adams were busy discussing business. "You know…it looks like you've got a nice business here."

"Indeed," replied Mr. Adams with an enthusiastic nod of his head. "You wouldn't believe how much demand there is here for Japanese goods…have you ever heard of AnimeNation? Well…anyway…getting back to the point…what did you want to speak to me privately about?"

"I would like to buy your business."

"This is all so sudden…why is that?"

"With my empire and your…er…what business were you in again?"

"Rare chips," Mr. Adams sighed, pointing to his sign: "Adams Rare Chip Shop."

"…Right," Mr. Ijuin murmured, rubbing the back of his head. "Anyway, with our combined partnership, we could make BILLIONS…maybe even MILLIONS!"

"I'll think about it," Adams replied, insecurely twiddling his thumbs while considering all he was about to give up.

A RESTAURANT IN CALIFORNIA, A LITTLE LESS THAN A FEW YEARS AGO

"Man, your dad is so RETARDED," Kristen said as she sat across the table from Enzan, dressed in her now famous skimpy red-white-and-blue color scheme, a brand-new skateboard in tow. "He never even gives you a break, does he?"

"He's never even home to take care of me anyway…not even for my eleventh birthday. When he is home, he beats me every time he sees me. Says it's all part of training me to inherit the company."

"Oh really?" Kristen raised an eyebrow while resting her chin on both of her arms. "It must be strange to have someone as young as you heading a company of IPC's size. You must feel pretty overwhelmed."

"You're telling me," Enzan said while looking into Kristen's eyes, lost and mesmerized in her hypnotizing and sympathetic gaze. "He's such a…ka-ka-face."

"What did you just say?" Kristen looked as though she was about to break down and laugh uncontrollably.

"Hehe…it's nothing," Enzan laughed. "It's just that…looking at you…I just feel like I'm so much younger…as though I can do anything. I may sound silly…but you just make me feel that way…Kristen?"

Kristen's laugh broke into a slight sob. She leaned in to kiss Enzan, who gladly accepted, all the while wearing a facial expression that read, "Heck fraggin' yes! Sad childhood memories and a stupid father ARE good for something!"

"I…I never knew…y-you felt that way about me…" Kristen murmured while caressing Enzan's face with her hands. At that moment, she looked around at the hundreds of customers leaning in close to listen, and then cleared out the store with a single shout: "WHAT'S EVERYBODY LOOKING AT?"

JAPAN, MODERN 20XX

"…And that's basically how we started liking each other," Kristen said, looking down at the ground."

"What a touching story," Laika replied in monotone, then continuing to flip through the pages of the latest Guns and Ammo.

"Y-yeah, wh-what a juicy set of d-details!" Yaito managed to say between the tears flowing down her face.

"So…how come she's so mean to you now? I mean, what with the noogies and all?" Netto asked, posing a surprisingly intelligent yet obvious question.

"Yeah…why is that?" Enzan asked, looking up at Kristen.

"…AS IF YOU DON'T REMEMBER!" cried Kristen.

Enzan thought for a moment, then slapped his left fist into his right palm as he suddenly remembered that fateful day.

CALIFORNIA, A COUPLA WEEKS AFTER WHERE WE LAST LEFT OFF

"Mr. Ijuin…" Mr. Adams said solemnly, "…thank you for meeting me here. I have something of great importance to discuss with you."

"Fine… but…why are we discussing it here?" Mr. Ijuin replied quizzically as he wrapped a towel around himself. "I mean, of all places…a spa?"

"Dunno," Mr. Adams shrugged. "Just felt like it. Anyway, it appears that your son Enzan, and my daughter Kristen, are deeply in love."

"How do you figure that?"

"Aside from the trips to a certain fast food restaurant…witnessing them kissing a few times…I don't know, just a wild stab in the dark."

"It's too late for that," Mr. Ijuin replied. "I've already agreed with someone else to marry off Enzan. He's already engaged to another girl…I believe her name was ."

"What a shame," Adams replied, shaking his head and closing his eyes. "I was considering offering you a seat on my board and a generous offering of stock options as a wedding blessing."

"…But aren't promises made to be broken?" asked Mr. Ijuin, suddenly perking up and extending his right hand for a handshake.

BACK IN THE ADAMS CHIP SHOP, A LITTLE LATER…

"…and so, my son, I have to ask you a strong burning question. There is no need to think about it; it will only determine the fate of my…er, our…business for the rest of eternity. Now, Enzan…are you prepared to give me your decision?"

"Yes!" little Enzan nodded enthusiastically. "Bring it on, pops!"

Mr. Ijuin cringed; this American lingo was not a good influence on a young Japanese CEO. He decided to pop the question before any more damage was done: "Enzan…"

"I know you care about me, but I already like Kristen. I don't think I can marry you, Dad…"

WHACK-OUCHIES! "That's not the question I was going to pop! Urgh, idiot son! Now listen carefully. Which do you like better? Snobby girls or video games?"

"…Video games!" Enzan cried while jumping up and down.

"That settles it! I always knew you were a good boy!" Mr. Ijuin patted young Enzan on the head, while thinking only one thing:

"SCORE!"

BACK IN MODERN JAPAN…

"…and that rat of a father bought my dad's business and left both of us behind with nothing but a few measly millions of dollars! Enzan deserted us…he deserted me! All because he preferred some video games over a so-called snobby girl!" Kristen shouted angrily, while clenching both her fists as tight as was humanly possible. "Since then, I promised I would never love another man! NOW do you all see why I'm so upset?"

"Enzan's dad scammed him. Shouldn't you be angry at the father?" asked Laika, still thumbing through Guns and Ammo.

"Well…come to think of it, yeah. Anyway…" Kristen continued while looking into the sky with her eyes dramatically glazed over, "…I honed my Net Battling skills and practiced my skateboarding, even practiced sharpshooting by the desolate landscape of the Grand Canyon, all the while waiting for the day I would meet up with the man I called my own…the one who tore my dreams apart!"

"Why was she practicing by the Grand Canyon?" Netto whispered to Yaito. "Isn't that kind of pointless?"

"That IS the point!" Yaaito hissed back. "Don't you ever watch Western movies?"

"So…you agreed never to love another man, just because Enzan's father posed an impossible choice, not naming you in particular?" Meiru asked, somewhat disappointed in Kristen's logic.

"Of course! Never again will I risk my fragile heart being broken again!"

"What a waste," Enzan murmured while shaking his head. "I mean…a cute girl like you."

"Wh-what?" Kristen suddenly blushed and perked up, not knowing what to make of this recent plot development.

"I mean…who would have ever thought Krissie-chan would've grown up to be so cute?"

"K-Krissie…chan?" Kristen continued to blush madly, and Enzan was certain he had convinced her to stop her violent string of noogies. Oddly enough, he had been speaking from his heart. However, his hopes were shattered as Kristen gave him a painful, tearful noogie while sobbing, "YOU'RE LYING! Don't you dare flirt with me! Not when you've got that other pigtailed girl there to keep you happy!"

Yaito blinked nervously…this time it was HER turn to blush. "M-me?" she stammered while pointing at herself, not sure what to make of this even more recent plot development.

"DON'T EVER SAY THAT AGAIN!" Enzan cried, breaking free of the noogie. "I don't even know her! I don't have a clue who she is! Seriously, she's a complete stranger to me! She's…"

THWACK-OUCHIES!

"You don't have to rub it in THAT much!" screamed Yaito after giving Enzan a painful whack on the back of his helpless, defenseless, and already badly beaten scalp.

"So then…you two aren't getting along?" Kristen blinked. "Then that means…I've still got a chance, if you still think I'm cute!"

Kristen gave Enzan an intimate peck on his left cheek, resulting in a cherry-red blush on his face, then continued, "Tell you what, dear Enzan. I'll let everything go. For today, let's just forget about the past…and start over as friends."

"Then…you'll quit the noogies?" Enzan asked, then continuing after Kristen advanced to give him one: "Okay, okay! I guess not!"

"My my, how touching!" said a familiar voice, followed by the sound of a nose blowing into a now very soiled Kleenex. "Never in all my years at IPC have I witnessed such a romantic story! But since I'm on my work hours, I'll have to be productive and sell you something."

"Kenishiro…" Meiru managed to force through clenched teeth.

"Adver Man! Say hello…and don't you forget to introduce one of your little friends!"

Adver Man suddenly logged in and appeared before the gang…but the drama of his entrance was ruined as Ciel ran up and squeezed him on the cheeks, crying: "You're Adver Man? Oh, you're so adorable! I could just glomp you all day!"

"Heeheehee!" squealed Adver Man in delight. "Me likies!"

"ADVER MAN! Don't waste my lunch break…a salesman's job is never over!" shouted Kenishiro.

"Touchy!" said Adver Man with a tilt of his head. "Very well…Adver Metool! I summon you!"

The gang of Navis stepped back into battle-ready poses as Adver Man raised his hands into the air and shouted, "All your base are belong to us! You have no chance to survive, make your time! I summon…"

Realizing the homage to a certain gratuitously over-worn pop-culture reference, everyone made a quizzical expression as sweat-drops collected on their foreheads. This moment of insanity would not last long, however, for Adver Man had summoned the first of his filthy five, a huge-eyed and somewhat oblivious-looking resemblance of his master, the evil accomplice known as:

"ADVER METOOL! DOPEY THE DIVERTER!"

END PART XI


	12. Chapter 12: Dopey, Ultimate Diversion!

PART XII: DOPEY, ULTIMATE METOOL OF DIVERSION

Adver Man stood side by side with his Metool partner and made some odd martial arts stance, shouting in a chivalrous tone: "We will be your opponents!"

"Their combined stupidity…it's just too repulsive for words…" Roll cringed.

"You'll see just how powerful using the right tools for the job can be!" Kenishiro said with a devilish grin adorning his face. "You see…he was forged within the crucibles of fear! Dopey is more than just stupid. He's…SMART!"

"Do tell," Enzan replied with a raise of his eyebrow.

"Dopey has more attacks up his sleeve than you can imagine. You'll soon see what my personal favorites are!"

"That helps us in absolutely no way at all…" Slur muttered while closing her eyes.

"Of course not! It isn't even supposed to! I'm not telling any of my secrets…after all, for goodness sake, you'd destroy us in an instant! I may be stupid…but I'm not an outright IDIOT!"

"Are you quite so sure about that?" Kristen thought to herself.

"I'll show all of you meddlesome kids the real power of an advertising program!" Kenishiro shouted proudly while laughing maniacally, which somehow didn't quite suit his character at all. "But…in my enthusiasm about discovering Adver Man's ultimate power, I forgot to learn about how he has to command them in combat. So…well, um, do whatever, you guys. And to all of YOU…prepare for the Stupidity of Damnation!"

"We're ready!" Ciel cried, pointing at Adver Man dramatically. "Bring it on, ya wimps! We'll kick your little heinies!"

"DUH-HUH-HUH! SHE SAID HEINIES!" laughed Dopey as he stood at Ciel's side, laughing at Adver Man.

"What are you doing, Dopey? Get back over to Adver Man! You're on HIS side!" Kenishiro scolded angrily.

"Kristen is a bad influence on this Ciel," Blues shuddered.

The heroes prepared themselves for a deadly first strike as Dopey made his first move: "D'uh! Big Wooden Hammer!"

A wooden hammer of immense proportions suddenly materialized in Adver Man's hands as he rushed to attack the gang with a look of immense joy on his face. Meanwhile, Dopey had other plans; by now, he was walking around, doing the Chicken Dance and shouting some odd utterances: "I love you! You love me! We're a happy family…"

"His dopiness is…almost hypnotizing…" Slur observed passively. "The way he moves his body randomly, with seemingly no discernible pattern whatsoever…"

"Indeed," Searchman continued, scratching his chin in wonderment. "The utter nuances of his body, combined with the rhythmic, almost hypnotizing movements resemblant of a barnyard fowl…"

"And perhaps most intriguing of all," Roll said with a hypnotized, glazed-over look in her emerald eyes, "is the way his meaningful song collides with the meaningless aura of his perpetual and nonsensical body motions."

"Intriguing indeed!" Glyde sighed, taking in the sheer nonsense of the situation. "The deep lyrics and random yet rhythmic contortions of his body provide a poetic backdrop to the limitless stupidity that is Dopey."

"Looks dumb, too," Blues, Ciel, and Rockman murmured simultaneously.

Suddenly, all of them remembered one thing: Dopey's power was named DISTRACTION. Looking back toward Adver Man, they realized it was too late. The head of his enormous wooden hammer descended like the wrath of the heavens upon the tragically distracted group, clashing with their noggins like a hellish Whack-a-Mole web of deception.

"Owww…" Ciel cried, clutching her head. "So this…is the power of distraction…"

"HYUK YUK YUK!" cried Dopey, assisted by another one of Adver Man's even more ludicrous laughs: "HOY-YOY-YOY-YOY!"

"Now do you see the power of an Adver Met?" laughed Kenishiro, with an evil gaze that would have made even Dr. Regal feel intimidated. "You should feel afraid…after all, that was only a feat to test your worthiness in battle! Now that we know all of your weaknesses…Dopey will now reveal his ultimate power! Dopey! USE IT NOW!"

"KAITEN KENBU KAWARIMI!" shouted Dopey in surprisingly good Japanese for someone of his intelligence. Instantly, a handful of clones resembling Dopey's exact mirror image manifested at his side, and Kenishiro's grin opened into a heinous cackle.

"Cock-a-doodle-doo!" Kenishiro cackled, displaying the ultimate laugh of evil. "Can you get by these clones…and find the TRUE Dopey?" He then looked down at his watch, and with a disappointed expression suddenly taking the place of his evil grin, continued: "Oh, wait a minute…now that my lunch break is over…I must leave you all. Good day."

"Wait!" cried Ciel as Adver Man logged out. "I haven't even finished glomping that little cutie yet! Argh, I've got such a throbbing headache…"

"You're hopeless," Slur muttered to Ciel with a sweat drop adorning the tip of her helmet. "Oh…my head…"

"This one's mine!" shouted Netto Hikari. "In all my experience as a Net Battler…I'm the only one experienced in dealing with clones!"

"You're right…" Enzan said, acknowledging a fact that seemed seemed impossible to comprehend, considering Netto was hardly ever "right" about anything. "Besides...the others are still recovering from that earlier attack by Adver Man. Good luck."

"Rockman! Battle Chip, Double Slot-In! Multiple Effect! Kawarimi!"

Rockman himself manifested into a bunch of clones and clashed with the cornucopia of Dopeys. For what seemed like an eternity, the cloud of fighting loomed over their bodies and nothing could be seen except blaster flashes, the tips of wooden hammers, and the frantic random pounding of fists. The other Navis awaited the clearing of the Fog of War, but didn't have to wait long. When it was all over, the clones had been completely destroyed, and only Rockman and Dopey remained.

"Now, all I have to do is destroy the real one, now that I've found you!" Rockman grinned. "Netto!"

"Gotcha, Rockman!" Netto winked back before slotting in yet another flurry of chips: "Battle Chip! Long Sword! Wide Sword! Program Advance…BETA SWORD!"

A long, brilliant flash of light manifested in Rockman's arms, continuing skyward into the heavens and materializing into a blade of incredible intensity, which Rockman then brought down upon Dopey like a vengeful blast of thunder from the angered heavens. Sadly, Dopey had other plans.

"Secret Technique! Clone Displacement!" In a puff of smoke, another Dopey appeared to the side and Rockman's blade still made contact with a deafening concussive explosion…but when the blast cleared, the real Dopey still remained.

"I've been duh…defensive long enough!" said Dopey, now grinning like a maniac…or even worse, Kenishiro. "I CAN ALSO BE OFFENSIVE!"

"Not as offensive as me! Netto! Use it again!"

"Battle Chip, Mimic Technique!" Netto cried, slotting in a newly purchased Giga Class Chip with an expression of dramatic determination plastered into his otherwise innocent face.

"Duh-eee! Not so fast!" Dopey replied with an icy glare. "KAITEN KENBU KAWARIMI!"

THREE HOURS LATER…

"Rockman…full power…" Netto panted exhaustedly.

"K-Kaiten…Ken-b-bu…Kawa-ri-mi-mi…" Dopey murmured as he generated another handful of Dopeys.

"B-Beta…S-Sword…" Rockman wheezed as he performed the legendary Program Advance for the umpteenth time.

"They've been attacking each other's clones for HOURS," Roll groaned impatiently as she sipped away at a digital glass of fruit punch and relaxed on a lounge chair.

"Indeed," Blues replied as he adjusted his tanning mirror to get an equal skin tone beneath the cleft of his chin. "I'm quite dissatisfied with the way this is going."

"Don't they know I have appointments to keep?" Glyde muttered as he relaxed on the ground, his eyes turned dreamily towards the sky.

"You must say, this is quite entertaining," Searchman said excitedly while holding up one of those foam hands that sports fans wave around to cheer for their home teams. "I can discern many exciting things from this battle!"

"You're absolutely right!" Roll cried, perking up. "It's so exciting to see what move my dear Rock-kun will bust out next!"

"It is as I suspected!" Slur shouted into an announcer's microphone. "Yes…yes! Both of them are evenly matched! They can fight each other and predict moves…as complete equals!"

"Indeed," Searchman agreed, perking up and nodding excitedly. "Both of them are…"

Everyone waited until the two clashed again to simultaneously shout the great truth:

"…EQUALLY STUPID!"

"Curse it all," Netto muttered between clenched teeth and heavy breaths, not a good combination at all. "Every time I use a technique…he just nullifies it! Could this be…my ultimate foe? Is there no way to…"

Suddenly, during a rare brief hiatus in the battle in which Rockman and Dopey attempted to catch their respective breaths, he remembered a not-so-recent flashback where he and his father had discussed the merits of a new, very special chip he had received as a birthday gift long ago, and thought to himself: "Should I use it?"

Netto slowly and dramatically brought out a brand-new, strange chip made of pure gold that Yuuichiro had given to him, and segued into a flashback.

THE HIKARI HOUSEHOLD, NETTO'S BIRTHDAY, 20XX MINUS A COUPLA YEARS

"Netto…" Yuuichiro said while looking grimly at his son and clutching his chest, "on this day…your birthday, I must remind you of a great truth…that with great power…comes great responsibility."

"You've been watching way too much of that Spider-Man DVD," Netto groaned. "And another thing…what's that in your hand?"

"I do not have much time before I must leave on a scientific research excursion again. What I am about to give you is one of the Great Legendary Giga Chips…an Ultimate Battle Chip," Yuuichiro said, maintaining a grave and serious tone. "Up until now, you have been the victim of numerous attacks, and the reason I've denied myself the right to give this to you is because I felt you weren't experienced or intelligent enough to recognize enough attacks when you saw them…much less be able to use it…"

"GEE, THANKS, DAD!" Netto shouted sarcastically. "Really…telling me that on my own birthday!"

"…You're welcome! Now that you've grown so much…I have a great power to bestow upon you. I've never had to resort to using this before, and considering you're now a Net Savior…I don't want to see you hurt, as your father, so here."

Netto put out his hand, receiving a golden Battle Chip with a "No Smoking" style insignia (minus the cigarette) imprinted on it. Instantly, he realized the context behind it, and the great power he held…the Hikari Family Treasure.

"THIS…THIS IS…!" Netto stammered.

"My time as a Net Battler is over," Yuuichiro uttered his last words (for now) before leaving off on his excursion. "It is time you inherited my legacy and the great secret technique passed down through our generations, the Ultimate Chip you hold in your hand…"

Netto stared dramatically at the golden Battle Chip he held, attempting to fathom its indescribable power, as his father continued:

"…The Hikari Family Sacred Treasure."

RETURNING TO MODERN JAPAN

"D'uh-eee…are you quite finished yet?" Dopey shouted impatiently. Obviously, this time-consuming strain of flashbacks was excellent for plot development, but did nothing to aid the flow of a battle scene.

"I'm finished," Netto murmured gravely. "Dopey…my worthy adversary…have you ever known the pain of having to do something impossible?"

Enzan and the others perked up and stepped back. Netto was going to use IT…the Sacred Treasure of the Hikari Family.

"Of course, all the time!" Dopey the Adver Met replied as he jumped around gleefully. "Like answering some hard test questions on a kindergarten math tests…screwing in a light bulb I couldn't reach…trying to draw fan art using a computer mouse alone…"

"But never a truly impossible attack you were almost certain you couldn't handle?"

"…D'uhhh…no."

"Dopey…I have absolutely no regrets about this. I'll now reveal…"

Netto dramatically closed his eyes and raised his golden Ultimate Chip, preparing to slot in the ultimate weapon of electronic destruction.

"…the Ultimate Battle Chip…"

The other Navis hid themselves behind a hospital wall, peeking around the corner to witness Rockman at his absolute limit. Netto opened his eyes, and with a determined expression that intimidated even the mighty Slur, slotted in perhaps the most powerful Battle Chip ever made:

"SLOT-IN! ULTIMATE CHIP…GIGAS THE NULLIFIER!"

Something followed that truly had to be seen to be believed. An aura of unrestrained menace surrounded Rockman as a golden hand lifted itself from beneath the ground, gripping Dopey's entire body.

"D'uhh-huh huh! This is all you're capable of?" Dopey laughed. "A little hand trick? Well, it's time to end this…duh…stupidity! Program Advance! KAITEN KENBU KAWARIMI! GOLDEN DESTROYER HAMMER! D'uh…HUH? I can't use it!"

"Perhaps because of that," Rockman murmured grimly, pointing at the huge golden hand that prevented him not only from moving, but also from using any technique whatsoever.

"D'uhh…that'd explain it," Dopey said gleefully. "Waitaminnit…that means…"

"…it is time for you…to DIE."

Netto knew what he had to do. In a last desperate maneuver, he slotted the last of his chips that would seal Dopey's ultimate fate:

"Battle chip…slot-in…MIMIC EFFECT!"

Rockman materialized into a hundred versions of himself, each wielding a legendary golden hammer. The Rockmans surrounded Dopey in an inescapable circle. The power of Gigas the Nullifier became apparent to Dopey as the Rockmans closed in. Realizing that this was truly the end, he uttered the final words of his ill-fated existence:

"D'uhhh…at last…a worthy…foe…"

"Dopey…I'm so sorry for being forced to do this!" Netto cried with a tear in his eye as Meiru sorrowfully placed his hand on his shoulder. The others stood back and awaited Dopey's ultimate doom.

"Mimic Technique! Kaiten Kenbu Kawarimi! Golden Destroyer Hammer!" And then…Rockman and Netto shouted simultaneously:

"PROGRAM ADVANCE! THUNDEROUS REIGN OF THOR!"

The brilliant sun shone brightly in the deep blue sky. The beauty of its lavish rays played a final glorious soliloquy and a light dance of sorrow and tragedy as the flurry of golden hammers closed in on Dopey the Adver Metool. At that moment, he realized what it was that truly made Rockman and Netto strong. Was it physical strength? Endurance? Speed? No. What made Rockman and Netto strong was a bond of inseparable friendship. A willingness to give everything up for the sake of family and friends…closely cherished people who would gladly do the same in return.

"D'uhhh….thank you…Rockman…for one last great battle…" he uttered while closing his eyes.

At that moment, Dopey's life flashed before his eyes. He remembered his life before the coming of the Ultimate Evil. He remembered everything he had ever experienced, all the friends he had ever made, the great things he was able to do while he still acted of his own free will. At that point, Dopey remembered a time when, even for a fleeting moment, he was truly and utterly…

CRRRRAAAAAASSSSSSHHHHHHH…!

…satisfied.

"What a battle," Slur whispered as Rockman dispelled his technique, then collapsed from the sheer effort required to produce such a dramatic technique. Turning to the sky, she said with a tear in her eye: "Netto. You have done more than enough. Let Rockman rest for now…this is where I come in to cleanse Dopey's soul."

"Cleanse…his soul?" Netto asked, an inquisitive and tragic look on his face as he pondered the fate of the tragic Dopey the Metool. "As in…purifying his data?"

Slur nodded, closing her eyes in sorrow.

"…I understand now."

Slur waved her fins in a delicately poised display, murmuring softly as Dopey's data continued to dissipate: "O Spirit of Evil…this great light will purify!"

This time, it was not wires that entangled Dopey, but golden ropes that exuded a gentle and almost divine aura.

"Purification Technique: Cleansing Data! Now, great and corrupting evil, be gone from this world and infest it no longer! DOPEY THE ADVER METOOL…LIVE ON IN PEACE…IN THE URA INTERNET!"

The golden ropes tightened and integrated themselves into Dopey's data, which then ceased to dissipate…and re-materialized into Dopey the Metool.

"D'uh…where am I?" moaned Dopey as Slur embraced him.

"Don't worry," she said solemnly, "everything's all right now. You don't have any more reason to be evil. Live on in peace…friend of the Metools."

"Wh-who is that?" Dopey asked as he tilted his head toward Rockman.

"He is Rockman…your worthiest adversary."

"D'uhhh-eeee…Rockman?" Dopey said with a slight giggle, then murmured before falling asleep and disappearing into the URA Internet: "That's…heehee…a funny name…"

Dopey's data dissipated as he bid everyone farewell, forever. The aura surrounding Netto and his friends was one of gloom, despair, and in the midst of it all, a newfound hope. Realizing the seriousness of their mission, they walked towards the horizon as Laika moaned between tears of sorrow: "Mission…complete."

"Everyone…" Netto said as he turned to the others, with an expression of determination on his face, "…let's go home."

END PART XII


	13. Chapter 13: Perfect Navi, Ultimate Flirt

PART XIII: THE PERFECT NAVI VS. THE ULTIMATE FLIRT

The first and most tragic Adver Metool taken care of and safely returned to the URA databanks, everyone did as they said…and went home to sleep. Meanwhile, it was just another day at the URA Internet Circus Plaza. In the most festive area of the Network that Never Sleeps, everyone went around their usual business, having fun and just enjoying an old-fashioned good time.

That is, until the Queen of the URA Internet, Serenade.EXE, prepared to wow her latest audience with a set of her new, freshly woven carpets.

"Come one, come all!" she shouted into a microphone. "See the magnificent works of your Queen Serenade-chan! What you are about to see…will amaze and astound you beyond belief! Who knows…you may actually even be INTERESTED in them!"

A gigantic crowd of child Navis clustered before Serenade as she prepared to unveil her first masterpiece.

"Fan Art Carpet Number One!" she cried as she unveiled the first carpet, an intricately woven one depicting a fire-breathing, lavishly dressed elephant carrying a chibi version of Serenade in its left hand. "This is a depiction of my father, Gilgamesh.EXE, training me to become the next Ruler of the URA! I call it: A Father's Wrath! Witness the horror of his might and power!"

"Squeeeee!" cried the children in the audience, as the adults "oohed" and "ahhhed" at the impressively woven carpet.

"Fan Art Carpet Number Two!" Serenade unveiled her next carpet; this time of an eight-armed Slur with four arms on either side of her body, squatting in a meditative position. "Slur the Temptress!"

"Who is SHE?" questioned the adults in wonderment.

"You know, I barely know her," Serenade replied obliviously as she rubbed her chin with her right hand. "We talked a few times about cute boys when we were little before we went our separate ways, but that's about it."

"I'M A CUTE BOY!" cried a young and chubby male child Navi. "What do you think about me, your biggest fan? Date me…please?"

"Er…F-Fan Art Carpet Number Three!" Serenade stammered, blushing madly at the thought of dating someone she just met, much less someone who probably didn't even know what a date was in romantic context. Nevertheless, she continued: "This is my most dramatic work yet! I drew this long ago, when I was only a child! It is a drawing of the ultimate fearful wonder of all the Internet…a flirting virus known as…"

Serenade was about to reveal her most horrifying carpet yet…but that moment, Blues, Roll, and Rockman crashed into Serenade's display of carpets with a deafening thud.

"It's MINE!" cried Rockman.

"You're mistaken!" screamed Roll. "That thing is MINE!"

"All of you…please!" Blues pleaded in an almost helpless tone that was almost completely out of his character. "This is no place to be fighting over an Electronic Free Group Meal Pass at Maha Ichiban's! You all should know better than to…"

At that moment, the three of them realized where they were. With very nervous demeanors, they all looked up at Serenade, who greeted them with a horrified expression, then stared down at a small patch of carpet she held in her right hand which read: "SEAL; DO NOT REMOVE FROM THIS CARPET."

"You're Serenade.EXE!" cried Roll, stating what was pretty much the obvious. "What are you doing peddling carpets here?"

After thinking to herself, "…and what are you doing ON my carpets?" Serenade replied nervously, "Look, it's a part-time job, okay? Please don't tell anyone."

"What's that seal you're holding in your hand?" Blues asked, pointing at the small patch.

"It was to seal…THAT!" Serenade shouted, pointing at the carpet she was about to reveal, which now shone a brilliant red and produced a screech so hideous that every member of the audience ran away screaming…but not before getting a full refund for their admission fee. "The Flirting Monster!"

"Er…right," Rockman muttered. "Wait a minute…this wouldn't happen to be…a Metool, would it?"

"Exactly!" Serenade replied, cringing and continuing to stare at the glowing carpet, which by now started to change shape and manifest into a chubby Metool. "Slur and I promised to keep it sealed away in that carpet…"

"And here you were using it for profit," Slur murmured as she appeared next to Serenade, arms folded and head shaking in disappointment. "Really, Serenade. I know you need the Zenny…but still, how could you treat the threat of that…THING…so poorly?"

"It's not like I suspected a group of rabid humanoids to crash into it while fighting over…whatever!" Serenade cried. "Now…we all have to face my most horrifying monster! Someone I just sealed away a few minutes ago, from this guy called Adver Man!"

A lightning bolt cracked through the air, casting an aura of heightened drama on the horrified faces of Rockman and the gang.

Serenade continued: "A profane, flirting, heinous, insufferable creature known as…"

The carpet had finally materialized into what had to be the most horribly drawn fanart in existence. A small Adver Metool with a sloppy and squiqqly outlining, oblong eyes, and horribly scattered white spots left in the coloring job leapt forward onto the stage, screaming, "I'M FREED! Where are the ladies? It's time for me to show my BLING!"

"…Slappy the Metool," Serenade forced herself to say through clenched teeth.

"Well, well! No girls? Then what the (blank) am I doing here?" shouted Slappy the Adver Metool. "I'm useless without a girl to hit on…WELL HELLO DARLING! You lookin' (blankin') FINE, girl!"

Slappy advanced at light speed towards Roll, who cringed and cowered against a corner, her long blonde hair standing on end like a trapped kitten.

"Let me show you around the town, girl…I got all sorts of friends down here you'd just be DYING to meet! And then we can get all cozy and comfy-like…I can take you to a nice private chatroom, do a little private messaging…maybe together, we can even PRESS THAT BUTTON ON YO' BUTT!"

"Aaaahhhhh!" screamed Roll as her entire body quivered at the revolting thought of taking a romantic date with a childish drawing. Thankfully, the horror did not last long, for Slur diverted Slappy's attention by tapping him on the back of his helmet.

"Whadda YOU want…Oooohhh…girl?" Slappy shouted as he turned around to face Slur. At that moment, his harsh and authoritative flirting tone became a soft, romantic coax: "Sup girl? Haven't seen you for a long time. Say, care to introduce me to yo' Indian-looking friend? I just DIG the exotic foreign types, woman!"

Slur and Serenade met Slappy's mesmerized gaze with stares of disappointment that hinted a slight "WTF." Serenade held up the one patch that could seal Slappy's ultimate doom: the carpet section that read, "SEAL, blah blah blah."

"NO! YOU CAN'T TAKE ME BACK! I DON'T WANNA GO, GIRL!" cried Slappy as tears began flowing down his eyes. Crying uncontrollably, he forced himself to say, "If you…g-gotta do it…then at least let me fulfill my dream!" Everyone listening began wondering what Slappy's fantasy could be.

Rockman imagined Slappy running through a grassy field with Yaito and Kristen, who were wearing nothing but bath towels.

Blues imagined Slappy riding around on a horse with Roll giggling as she rode behind him, and smiled.

Serenade imagined herself teaching Slappy how to belly dance.

Slur imagined herself in a kimono and grinned.

And Roll imagined herself and Slappy taking turns pushing the button on her butt.

"HEY! I'm discussing my (blankin') fantasy here, yo!" shouted Slappy between his tears, breaking them all out of their reverie. "All I want is…one date with a nice girl! Just to make my dreams complete! If that's true…I'll go back willingly! Just one date…that's all I want…all I've ever wanted!" (SOB!)

"I feel your pain…" Slur moaned as she wiped away a tear.

"I…I almost feel sorry for him!" Serenade cried as she burst into tears. "B-but…it's up to all of us to p-protect the Internet from Adver Man! We have to seal him away!"

"Y-yeah! ALL of us! That includes the four of them!" cried Slur, now openly bawling. "S-so…Ciel! Roll! FOR THE SAKE OF OUR SANITY! EITHER ONE OF YOU DATE HIM!"

The sound of feet burning against the floor and creating a dazzling flash of flame pierced the ears of Slur and Serenade. They looked around, and their sympathetic sobbing faces became horrified expressions. Rockman, Blues, and Ciel had completely disappeared; all that was left were three flaming sets of tracks and the sight of all three of them running off into the distant horizon at the speed of sound, screaming their heads off. Clearly, Slappy had a knack for unpopularity.

"Alone…" Slur murmured, her face turning blue. "…all alone…"

"With HIM…" Serenade stammered nervously as she stared back around at Slappy, who was making perverted expressions at her. "…and no wonder you said we were alone…we're accompanied by a nobody…"

Slur began to ran away, but Serenade gripped her by her left fin. "Don't you feel sorry for him, Slur?" she asked as she whipped her around to face Slappy, who, oddly enough, did not approve.

Bursting into tears, he cried, "Why you so cruel, girl? Here I am, saying I want one last date…and you shove this TOMBOY here in front of me? What're we gonna do, huh? Watch a wrestling match? A monster truck show? Man, you don't even have a (blankin') BUTTON ON YO' BUTT! Who're you tryin' to play here?"

"Tom…boy…" Slur glowed an intense green and wires began entangling Slappy's scribbled body.

"Kinky are we?" Slappy said, raising an eyebrow. "Might I remind you girl, there are still kids who may be sticking around to watch this? Leave yo' fantasies to yo'self!"

"He's right," Serenade said, placing her right hand on Slur's left shoulder. "This isn't the time. There are plenty of girls for him to hunt. Rest assured…he'll find one willing to date him, and then come back to us."

"Who says I needed to HUNT, yo?" Slappy shouted gleefully. "I'M LOOKIN' AT YO' FINE BUTT!"

Serenade glanced at her butt, then blushed madly as she realized SHE would be the one to date Slappy the Adver Metool. She started to run away when Slur did a bit of déjà vu, gripping Serenade's golden belt and whipping her around so that she almost kissed Slappy.

"Don't YOU feel sorry for him, Serenade?" she asked with a devilish grin that would make even Duo cower in fear.

"I guess…if it's only for one night…" Serenade uttered while shuddering uncontrollably, "…I can do it."

"(BLANK) YEAH!" cried Slappy. "We gonna have a great time, 'cuz you my little falafel, girl!"

As Slappy dragged her off, Serenade waved a desperate and tearful goodbye to Slur, not sure if she was going to return alive. Slur waved back with a cheerful smile, thinking to herself: "My…little…falafel? My, that's a good one!"

BACKGROUND SONG: YOU ARE (By Lionel Richie)

ALBUM: Lionel Richie

COPYRIGHTED: 1982

Baby you'll find…there's only one love, yours and mine. I've got so much love…and needing you so, my love for you I'll never let go.

Rockman's earlier vision came to life. Serenade chased Slappy through a grassy field, wearing nothing but a bath towel and letting her long blonde hair caress her deeply tanned skin. All the while laughing and giggling, wondering, "Is anyone watching me?"

All I want is to hold you. Let me show you how much I love you baby…show you. I don't mind and I don't mind…loving you. Girl, I love you. There's no one else above you.

Blues' vision came to life. Serenade rode a thoroughbred pony through a quaint village as Slappy mastered the reins, riding in tandem.

"I can tell you've done this before, girl," Slappy said dreamily as he turned to Serenade, who met his gaze just as dreamily and replied: "Of course. I used to do it all the time. I just never felt so stupid doing it…"

You are the sun, you are the rain, that makes my life this foolish game. You need to know I love you so, and I'd do it all again and again. Whoa-oh, whoa-oh…whooaaahh yeah.

Some random fantasy vision by some crazy member of Serenade's audience came to life. Slappy shot his dual pistols into the air at nothing in particular, as Serenade fed him grapes.

"More fruit, my rebellious darling?" Serenade coaxed him on.

"Yee-hawhawhaw, my sweet little Spanish Fly," Slappy replied with an almost satisfied look on his face. Serenade crammed the rest of them into his mouth, somewhat perturbed that she was mistaken to be Spanish. Suddenly, deleted Internet birds began to rain from the sky as Serenade and Slappy ran for cover, giggling.

"Turns out I WAS (blanking) aiming for somethin', girl!" Slappy shouted at Serenade, and the two of them broke into uncontrollable laughter.

Tell me it's true. I can't believe you do what you do. I've got so much love. And my love, you'll see…we'll stay together, just you and me. I've got so much love.

Serenade's own vision came to life…there she was, dressed in a very alluring and skimpy belly-dancing dress as Slappy accompanied her…while wearing the same dress, providing for an infinitely disturbing Kodak moment.

"Man, girl! I feel…such a draft! Almost like I'm floatin' on air!" Slappy cried as he attempted to whip his non-existent belly around.

"Now you know why I practice this all the time," Serenade coaxed, giggling and deciding not to remind Slappy that he didn't have an actual belly. "You know…this is infinitely more rewarding when I'm practicing…with you."

Only you know me. Tell me how to love you, baby…show me. I don't mind and I don't mind…tell me. Girl, I love you…always thinking of you.

Slur's vision came to life. The funny thing, she thought, was that she was actually IN it. Serenade and Slappy adjusted the last of their measurements on a beautiful, flowing kimono, and Slur took it into the dressing room. Soon thereafter, she came out fully decked in her new festive dress, and Serenade and Slappy gave her approving nods of gratification.

"You know, it looks infinitely better when you're the one who wove it, my little enchilada," Slappy said gently to Serenade as he met her gaze with intense romantic desire.

"It looks infinitely better," Serenade whispered in a mesmerizing tone, "when you're the one who designed it."

Slur looked angrily down at her beautifully woven kimono…with horribly scribbled, childish drawings of stupid-looking flowers and Navis whose bodies were completely out of proportion. Sticking her tongue out at Serenade and Slappy, she was met with their satisfied smiles…and two very approving thumbs-up.

I know you know the way I feel, and I need your love for always. 'Cause when I'm with you I fall in love again and again and again, baby.

Finally, Roll's vision came to life…and much to her displeasure, she too had found a place in it.

Roll lay face-down on a silver plate lined with vegetables, her body slathered in gravy and an apple in her mouth while Serenade and Slappy took turns jumping on the Button on Her Butt.

"Get down here so I can hug ya, girl…HAHAHA!" shouted Slappy between gleeful giggles.

"You'll have to outjump me first!" Serenade giggled. "Teeheehee…oh, the fun we have!"

"Tra-la-la-la (blanking) la…" Slappy laughed gleefully.

You are the sun, you are the rain, that makes my life this foolish game. You need to know I love you so, and I'd do…VVVRRRRRWWWIP!

"WHAT…WHAT THE (blank) AM I DOING?" cried Serenade as she gripped her helmet and ran desperately to Slur, who was standing around the corner in her stupidly designed kimono. "Slur…HELP ME!"

"You're the one who got us into this mess!" cried Slur. "Look at this kimono! You think I like wearing this any more than you do?"

"Uh…I can hear you guys…" Slappy muttered as he stood right behind Serenade.

"Ooopsss…" Serenade moaned slowly, realizing that perhaps she was in for a whooping after all, as was the traditional ending to a bad date.

"Really…Serenade…thanks for everything, girl."

"What?" Serenade blushed madly.

"I enjoyed every second I spent with you…but I know that this is no place for someone like me…my place, I know, is in that carpet."

Serenade became solemn as Slur prepared to purify Slappy's data.

"Awww…" Serenade continued to blush.

"Thank you, Serenade," whispered Slappy as golden ropes wrapped around his body. "I will never forget this night. Just do…one last thing for me before I…disappear."

"And…what is that…my darling?"

"Please…KISS ME, MY FALAFEL!"

Serenade fell over anime-style, then got right back up and held Slappy before her face, preparing to kiss him.

30 MINUTES LATER…

"FOR GOODNESS SAKES! GET ON WITH IT!" screamed Slur. "You've been staring at each other for the last mungogagillion minutes! Kiss him already so I can purify his data! Sheesh!"

"Oh, Serenade, my fine little Indian burrito," Slappy said gleefully, "you're so shy…I like a shy foreign chick! In that case…I'LL have to kiss YOU!"

"What are you talking ab…MPPHHHRRRGGG!" Serenade muffled as Slappy pushed himself against her face.

"Thank you…and goodnight!" Slappy shouted gleefully as his body disappeared, rearranging itself back into the carpet. The sealing patch mysteriously appeared and wove itself into the carpet at the bottom right corner, where it would remain forever.

At last…Slappy the Adver Metool was satisfied.

THE NEXT DAY…

"Come one! Come all!" shouted Slur into a microphone, as she stood with a new, freshly woven carpet before an impressionable audience. "See my new best work!"

Unveiling Slappy's carpet, she shouted, "My beloved Fan Art Carpet! I call it…A Match Made in Internet!"

Serenade pushed through the audience to get a closer look, but twisted her face in disgust when she saw that Slur had drawn her in, which would have been fine except that she was now as distorted, poorly drawn, and scribbled as Slappy the Metool.

"Look! It's the girl in the carpet!" cried a child Navi.

"Wow…it's so true to reality!" shouted another. "So…well drawn!"

"Well? What do you think?" asked Slur with a grin adorning her face, after which Serenade relentlessly pummeled her. "What…what did you do THAT for?"

"THAT…" Serenade forced through clenched teeth, "…DOES NOT LOOK A THING LIKE ME."

And then, for the first time in her life, Slur laughed.

END PART XIII


	14. Chapter 14: Forced Gluttony

PART XIV: FORCED GLUTTONY

"Those children and their Net Navis are really starting to get on my nerves," Kenishiro's irritated voice rasped through the URA Internet's void, directing itself at two Adver Metools. "I'm trusting on you two, the Ultimate Tag Team Duo, to take them out."

"And if we win?" squeaked one Adver Metool.

"Then…you will be rewarded."

"So what will we win?" shouted the other Adver Metool in a harsh, condescending tone.

"Ummm…don't worry. I will have the entire battle to think of an appropriate prize," Kenishiro stuttered, glad that he used what wit he had to get himself out of that mess.

"So it's settled!" squeaked the first Adver Metool. "We'll destroy them! Wheeee!"

"Win or lose," muttered the second Metool, "none of that matters as long as I can destroy something!"

"I'm counting on the both of you…" Kenishiro rasped as his face gradually materialized into the world's most evil grin. The two Metools disappeared as they teleported themselves into the Internet, and he continued as he designated their names:

"…Angry and Hungry."

AT THE MAHA CURRY ICHIBAN…

It was business as usual at Japan's number one curry restaurant. Madoi puckered up her lips as she layered her face with makeup. Elec was going through the financial records, trying desperately to find a missing, unaccounted for 16 yen. Mahajorama was busy developing another secret recipe with his assistant Dekao. Finally, Hinoken was busy helping Mahajorama by using Fire Man to power the stove.

Yet something else was amiss. Somewhere in the far corner of the restaurant, two fellow Net Battlers were busy discussing the forthcoming of a terrible evil.

"Netto," Enzan murmured grimly as he looked across the table at his intellectually challenged comrade, "I have something of grave importance to speak about with you."

"Mrrrrfff mr mrrrrffff," Netto replied, nodding his head while chugging down his fifth bowl of Maha Ichiban's Super Secret Recipe Curry.

"If my reports are correct…and they ALWAYS are…Adver Man is sending not one, but two Adver Metools to do his bidding. If my reports continue to be correct, then this duo must be the legendary Metool Bonnie and Clyde, known as Angry and Hungry."

"That can't be! I am the only one here who can be called Hungry!" shouted Netto. "Mahajorama! Madoi! Elec! Hinoken! Another bowl!"

"Yes, Netto," all four of them sighed in unison.

"Anyway," Enzan continued with a look of puzzled annoyance adorning his face, "it appears that we're in quite a rut here. Hungry is the Ultimate Shield, said to be able to absorb any enemy attack, and Angry is the Ultimate Destroyer. Netto, you should already see where I'm going with this."

"Mrrrggg arrrrmmmfff!"

"It would appear that the two of them have some method of destroying their opponent that is nearly fool-proof…NETTO! SWALLOW YOUR FOOD!"

Netto almost choked himself to death swallowing the gargantuan amount of curry residing in his mouth, but amazingly still lived. "Sorry Enzan," he replied, proceeding to boorishly pick his teeth right in front of his comrade. "So, Angry and Hungry, eh?"

"That's right. Take a look at this."

Enzan unveiled a small book that, once opened, revealed a set of Navis with outrageously huge, muscular bodies. Once Netto began looking at them, he wondered how Rockman would look with bodies like theirs…and shuddered.

"This," Enzan said while pointing at the book, "is a Hall of Fame registry of all the Navis who ever came close to succeeding in destroying Angry and Hungry. The two of them were so conceited that they developed a record of every opponent they defeated in battle. Think of it as those World War pilots who tallied their kills on the bodies of their planes."

"Look at their bodies! Are you sure this isn't a muscle-building catalog?"

"Indeed, quite sure. Now, Netto, take a look at their stats."

"Stamina and life points are mediocre…and yet defense and attack power are completely off the charts! What makes you think we stand a chance, looking at bodies like that? Rockman doesn't have anywhere near that amount of strength yet!"

"That is why…you should see THIS. The one who came the closest to destroying them."

Enzan flipped the page to the very last one, where Netto saw something he had never expected to see, not in this book. He squinted closely at the one who had come the closest to destroying Angry and Hungry.

A skinny Net Navi.

"He's…almost normal!" cried Netto as he tightly grasped the little book. "Then there is a way…even for one who has developed a body like Rockman's!"

"I should warn you, however," Enzan continued grimly while at the same time surprised that such an intelligent comment had come from Netto, of all people, "that I've heard the technique he used…carries an immense burden, and to all who fail to use it properly, a tragic end. And this Navi…he met that tragic end."

"His life points…his stamina…they're absolutely off the charts! So what does this mean? What kind of technique did he use?" Netto asked, leaning over the table with nervous anxiety.

Enzan closed his eyes dramatically and sipped his green tea, donning a serious expression. When the tip of the cup left his mouth and he opened his eyes to speak, he said the four words Netto least expected to hear:

"…I have no idea."

Netto fell over anime-style, then got right back up and said, "Do you at least know the technique's name?"

"I've heard it was called…Forced Gluttony."

"All right, then it's time to learn Forced Gluttony. But first…"

Netto ran harder than he had ever run before, making his way to the bathroom. In Maha Ichiban's kitchen, all four staff members groaned in nervous anticipation of what they knew would happen. Enzan understood immediately what they were so afraid of, and got the heck out of there.

A COUPLA HOURS LATER…

"Netto…we've been at this for hours," Rockman complained as he destroyed yet another troop of virii. "What's the purpose of this training?"

"We have to develop your life points and defense!" Netto said in his determined tone while looking toward the sky for no particular reason. "We must tone you…so that you can use the technique, Forced Gluttony!"

"What kind of technique is that?"

"Heck, I don't even know!"

"Netto…forgive me for being this blunt, but you don't even know a lot of things. Oh well, as long as I get stronger in the end."

Netto continued to wonder, looking at Rockman destroying the virus troops and thinking, "Seriously, Enzan. What is Forced Gluttony…and what is this about a tragic end?"

ELSEWHERE IN JAPAN…

"What?" asked Kenishiro in a nervous tone. "The young one, the operator of Rockman.EXE, has mentioned…Forced Gluttony?"

"Indeed," replied Angry, a lot more stern than usual. Kenishiro gasped and nearly fell over in his seat, clutching his head as he realized just how horrifying this new development would be for his ambitions.

"Get a hold of yourself, Grand Master!" Hungry shouted as he stepped forward to reassure Kenishiro.

"This technique…" Kenishiro huffed, "…it is the very one that threatened to scandalize virii everywhere…and almost destroyed the both of you years ago! But…how could that boy KNOW?"

"Tell us what to do, Grand Master!" Angry shouted desperately. "What do we have to do in order to fight this technique?"

"There is nothing to do…the only this left is to destroy Rockman before he learns Forced Gluttony…and ruins everything!"

MEANWHILE, AT MAHA ICHIBAN…AGAIN…

Meiru sat with her arms folded as she pondered Netto's fate, then turned to him and asked, "So, Netto-kun, what's this about Forced Gluttony?"

"I'm guessing it has something to do with forcing food into your opponent," Netto said, scratching his chin. Enzan and Yaito, meanwhile, were on their last bowl of curry and were reaching for the last bite when their forks intertwined.

"Mahajorama," Netto asked, "as an expert chef, tell me: what are the various ways of fighting over food with an opponent?"

Mahajorama scratched his chin and replied, "Well, my friend, there is…"

With that, he looked over at Enzan and Yaito, fighting with their forks over who would get to eat the last bite, as if they were in a medieval sword fight.

Mahajorama continued, "There's fighting over your opponent's food."

Enzan noticed an opening in the sword fight, and tried to grab the last bite of curry.

"There's grabbing your opponent's food."

Enzan was about to put the bite into his mouth, when Yaito grabbed his neck and started choking him as he attempted to pry her grip apart.

"And finally, there is keeping your opponent away from his food."

Enzan gulped down the last bite as Yaito screamed tearfully, "Arrrggghhh! You fat-loving fiend Enzan-sama!"

"…Aaaannnnd that's it," Madoi finished, a sweat drop adorning her forehead as she took in the absurdity of fighting over a single bite of curry.

"Umm…could you list those again?" Enzan asked as he elatedly gulped down the last bite.

"What…what kind of horrible technique…is this…" Netto murmured, his expression grim and serious. "Is there…no other way…to beat Hungry and Angry?"

"N-Netto-kun?" asked Meiru, with a concerned look on her face.

"If this is the great truth behind Forced Gluttony…then the technique itself is more horrible than I ever dreamed!"

"What do you mean?" Count Elec asked, taking a sudden interest in the situation.

"Think about it," Netto said grimly. "The best way to prepare a human to be a glutton is to force-feed him and completely deny him any exercise whatsoever."

"We should know," Hinoken laughed. "It happens in our shop all the time!"

"So then…the principle of Forced Gluttony…" Enzan continued, "…hence the name Forced…is force-feeding and immobilizing one's opponent…until he explodes."

"And this is done," Yaito murmured while lowering her head, "by transferring your own Health Points to the opponent, thereby force-feeding and immobilizing him."

"No wonder the technique called for so much stamina and health points," continued Hinoken. "And so, what's the ultimate tragic end, the one that this Navi suffered?"

The four of them closed their eyes and clenched their fists, thinking there must be another way, and yet being forced to face the tragic fact that there was not. Looking up at the members of the former World Three, Enzan said, "Have you ever heard the expression about never biting the hand that feeds you? Whenever a glutton is still unsatisfied after a hefty meal, he'll resort to the most desperate means of getting that food, even if it means…biting the hand that feeds him."

"And so…" all four staff members of Maha Ichiban said with grim expressions, "that means…the ultimate tragic end…"

"That's right," Netto muttered. "The ultimate tragic end of those who fail to develop enough Life Points and stamina to properly use the technique of Forced Gluttony…"

With this, Netto closed his eyes dramatically and limped his body over, just before uttering the most ominous death in the history of Net Battles:

"The ultimate tragic end…IS BEING EATEN TO DEATH!"

END PART XIV


	15. Chapter 15: The Calm Before Dinner

PART XV: THE CALM BEFORE THE DINNER

"ANGRY! HUNGRY!" Kenishiro shouted. "Come forth…we must have a forced meeting…about Forced Gluttony."

"You mean…" Angry said unsurely, "…there is a way to counter even that?"

"Of course," Kenishiro replied. "Have you ever heard of the technique…Spoiled Baby?"

"The technique that once again brought power back to the virii…and ultimately was able to destroy the maverick Navi who challenged me?" Hungry asked in a relieved yet anxious tone.

"You moron, that wasn't Spoiled Baby…you ate him to death, you pig!" shouted Angry, very angrily as usual.

"Oh right," Hungry replied with a somewhat childish yet sinister grin. "He was delicious!"

"If you two are quite finished…I have a new technique to teach both of you," Kenishiro said, lowering his head. "It only works if the two of you are alive, and you'll need to be at equal levels of power to use it, for that is how the technique works."

"Very well," Angry muttered. "What is this technique…the Spoiled Baby?"

"Listen carefully," Kenishiro whispered. "The secret of the Spoiled Baby is…"

DENSAN CITY MIDDLE SCHOOL

Lunch break. The one hour of school where time seemed to pass normally, the one hour where students could escape their classes and just relax and eat with their friends. And yet for one student named Netto Hikari, such relaxation would not come, for he feared the coming of an impossible decisive battle.

Netto sat idly, a grim expression plastered into his face and his brown hair spread across his sky-blue bandanna. How would Rockman be able to build up enough stamina to use Forced Gluttony in time for the attack of Angry and Hungry?

"Netto-kun, if I'm not up to the technique, who is?" Rockman asked his operator sternly. "We may not be the smartest, but we are certainly the most powerful of the team."

"Rockman…I'm afraid," Netto murmured ominously. "If you get eaten to death…"

Rockman felt a chill run up his spine, and cried desperately, "Netto…PLEASE don't mention that fate…I don't think I can stand it."

Suddenly, Netto felt a stinging pain manifest in his right cheek, and before he could react to it, a sudden blast of force that followed knocked him to one side. He knew immediately what had happened, even if he hadn't seen it. Meiru had slapped him. Hard.

"You baka, Netto!" Meiru cried. "What business do YOU have fighting against Angry and Hungry? Why can't someone else do it?"

"Ohhh boy," Rockman and Roll muttered simultaneously, putting themselves into Sleep Mode to avoid witnessing Meiru's hissy fit.

Netto did what he usually did to get out of these awkward situations with Meiru: he made up a flurry of rapid-fire excuses. "I have a father with plenty of scientific genius to mooch off of. I'm one of the youngest and most skillful Net Saviors in Japan. I have a strong hatred of telemarketers…"

"You gonna do the whole catalog?" Meiru murmured. "But anyway…can't you see what would happen if I had to live without you?"

Netto hated this part the worst: the standard run-of-the-mill soap opera scene. No matter what threats Adver Man was capable of, absolutely nothing could match the hideous horror of a young woman whose mouth was at full, furious efficiency. Deciding that ignorance was the better part of valor, he decided to take a passive stance in the argument:

"Meiru…uhhh, mm hmm."

"Then what WOULD happen, Netto?"

"Mm hmm."

"I don't understand why you won't listen to me! You're always like this! Why do you toy with my emotions and place your life on the line without thinking about what I feel?"

"Mm hmm."

"And don't you realize it? This is a battle you can't win!"

"Mm hmm."

"Then why, Netto? Why are you being so stupid?"

"Mm hmm."

"Netto…I have a gun to my head."

Netto's head perked up. "Er, Meiru, what are you doing?"

"Oh, so NOW I have your attention, do I?" Meiru muttered under her breath. "Fine. If you have to be this stupid, then I'll have to be stupid along with you."

"Are you sure?" Netto asked, raising an eyebrow. "If that's going to be the case…you've got a LOT to live up to…"

"I'll fight Angry and Hungry with you."

"M-Meiru-chan…"

"Netto, it's the only way to break you out of your insanity. I'll have to place my life on the line with yours. It's the only way you can ever train with full intensity…as if your life depended on it."

Netto placed his roller skate attachments onto his sneakers and solemnly turned to Meiru, saying, "If that's the way you want it, Meiru-chan. I know how stubborn you are, so I won't try to talk you out of it. I should warn you, however, that we may have to use the Soul Unison technique to defeat him. Are you…up to it?"

"Of course, my darling little…er, Netto! Ignore that last part!"

"Women," Netto shrugged as he skated off into the distance. Meiru turned back to a shadowed figure waiting around the corner and said, "Was that surprising?"

"Yes, it was," the shadowed figure replied. "I'm surprised he learned the secret of Roll's stamina and added HP abilities during Soul Unison. I suppose he didn't become a Net Savior at his age for no reason. He reminds me of myself as a child."

"So…do you think we convinced him?"

The shadowed figure around the corner made a satisfied smile, then replied, "That was…perfect."

ELSEWHERE IN JAPAN…

"What an incredible technique!" Angry cried while grinning maniacally. "With both of us using this technique…we are sure to win!"

"Indeed," Kenishiro replied, making a mirror image of Angry's grin. "Now you realize why the two of you are called the Undefeatable Gluttons Bonnie and Clyde."

"WHO GAVE US THAT NAME?" Hungry shouted, even angrier than Angry.

"Er…well…I did," Kenishiro replied, his grin dissipating.

"After our battle," Angry forced himself to say between clenched teeth, "remind us to go after YOU."

"Understandable."

"Angry…it's time for us to go," Hungry said to his comrade, and with that, the two Adver Metools disappeared, on their way to properly dispose of Rockman and his friends.

THE NEXT DAY…

"Thanks for meeting me here, Meiru," Netto said, smiling at his companion.

"What are friends for?" Meiru replied cheerfully, while winking and patting Netto's messy mane of hair.

"Well then…shall we get started?"

"Absolutely. Slur?"

Slur materialized in a blinding flash of white light. Obviously, Netto and Meiru came prepared, for they had already donned their sunglasses.

"I came as I was ordered," Slur said solemnly. "Rockman, Roll…prepare yourself! Virus Summon!"

A vast army of various types of virii materialized before Roll and Rockman as both of them performed a Soul Unison to become Roll Soul Rockman. Now ready to face the overwhelming numbers, the combined Navi prepared itself to train, and train hard.

A FEW HOURS LATER, THAT SAME DAY…

"Keep going, you two," Slur shouted at Roll Soul Rockman as he continued to pummel a vast virus army. "With your soul completely in alignment with Roll's, Rockman, this many virii should be easy for you."

"Is…this…necessary?" Roll Soul Rockman huffed. "We've…already…leveled up…by two levels!"

"That's not enough! You still don't have enough stamina or health to match Hungry in Forced Gluttony, much less Angry in attack points!"

"And why are you wearing those?"

"These?" Slur asked, pointing to her whistle and a cap with the word "COACH" etched onto it. "It makes the training that much harsher."

"Not for me, it doesn't."

"Thinking like that will get you nowhere! As the subordinate of Duo assigned to try humanity for survival, it is my job to make you worthy of fighting off evil! Now again! LEVEL UP FASTER!" she shouted forcefully as she blew her whistle.

Unfortunately, the resulting effect was not quite one that Rockman or Slur wished to see. The entire virus army disappeared, and their surroundings suddenly became pitch black.

"No…" Slur murmured, knowing something ominous was about to manifest. "They're not ready…anytime but NOW!"

An ominous black storm cloud approached Roll Soul Rockman and Slur, who entered their battle-ready poses in nervous anticipation. At last, just before the cloud engulfed them, it began to disappear as both Navis suddenly heard two high-pitched voices.

"Prepare yourself for the ultimate end!" shouted one gleeful voice.

"For no one has ever been able to defeat us!" shouted the other temperamental yet still high-pitched voice.

"It's them!" cried Roll Soul Rockman. "The ultimate Bonnie and Clyde duo…"

"…ANGRY AND HUNGRY!" shouted the two voices simultaneously. "PLEASED TO MEET YOU, DAMMIT!"

The dark cloud dissipated and two Adver Metools appeared; one with a fork and spoon, as well as a stupid grin on its face; and the other with an anime vein popping wildly on his forehead, with weapons on either side of his body resembling incredibly powerful blaster cannons.

Roll Soul Rockman manifested his right arm into a bow and arrow, preparing to destroy the two evil monstrosities, when Slur put her hand on his shoulder and shouted desperately, "No! You aren't ready! We have to retreat now…modesty is the better part of valor!"

"DON'T USE QUOTES I CAN'T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND!" screamed Netto. "Roll Soul Rockman! Attack them NOW!"

"DOUBLE ROLL ARROW!" Roll Soul Rockman fired a precisely aimed Roll Arrow at Angry and Hungry, which then split into two. Amazingly, just before the attacks made impact, both of them disappeared into thin air. The only noise that was ever heard was a slight whoosh, as if a delicate breeze had just passed over the battlefield.

"What…what is that?" Meiru muttered, an expression of hopelessness on her face. "Before the attack could even made contact…it was neutralized!"

Angry suddenly popped up and shouted, "Aren't you forgetting someone? If there is one thing I dislike, it is being ignored by the likes of both of you! Feel the sting of…ULTIMATE ANGERED BLAST!"

Another slight whoosh passed Slur's ear, and she grabbed Roll Soul Rockman and jumped out of the way. In a deafening blast of energy, Angry annihilated a patch of Internet off in the distance, nearly a mile in diameter.

"Wow, Angry!" Hungry shouted gleefully while jumping up and down stupidly. "That was wonderful…and you weren't even at full power!"

"Wouldn't want to overheat the big guns!" Angry replied, almost sadistically. "Considering the extent of my abilities, I'd say that was about…ten percent!"

"Same here!" Hungry shouted happily. "We make a GREAT team, Clyde!"

"If you call me that again, I'll destroy YOU…BONNIE!"

Meiru shuddered and moaned, "Ten…percent? So…this is the power of Angry and Hungry…" Looking over at Netto, she expected to see a horrified and hopeless expression of forebearing doom, but a sweat drop manifested on her forehead when all she saw was a cocky grin.

Netto whistled and then said in an impressed tone, "So you're Hungry, and you must be Angry, eh? I think I'll test you out before this fight."

"Do your worst!" Hungry yelled happily. "That last attack was good! Give me more!"

"You got it!" Roll Soul Rockman replied. "How about the main course? Roll Annihilator! Twenty percent!"

With that, he manifested his hand into a pink buster and shot a blast at the two of them that was nearly as wide as his body was tall. Again, the attack disappeared before he did any damage.

"Wait a minute…" Slur thought to herself. "Roll Soul Rockman's attacks aren't disappearing…Hungry just eats incredibly fast!"

"I wonder," Netto said while rubbing his chin and grinning, "how do you two defend and attack so well?"

"Since you'll die anyway," Angry said ominously, "I see no problem in revealing the secret of our techniques to you!"

"Do tell," Slur replied.

"ABSOLUTE MOUTH CONTROL!" Hungry replied, stretching his mouth so that it extended 15 feet in either direction.

"ABSOLUTE POWER CONTROL!" Angry replied, expanding his cannons into two very powerful-looking and impressively gargantuan battleship cannons.

"Good…God…" Meiru cried. "With a mouth like that, no wonder Hungry has no trouble defending against and absorbing our attacks!"

"Heh…and with cannons like that," Netto said cockily, "no wonder Angry can attack so powerfully!"

"Since you went through the trouble of making yourselves known as threats to our existence," Hungry said, grinning maniacally as Angry continued, "we'll make sure to make your final battle an exciting one!"

"And since you're attacking us as a pair," Slur said, grinning, "we shall be sure to make your last battle a fair one!"

Netto looked dramatically into the sky as fire raged in his determined eyes. "Finally…my instinct for battle has provided me with worthy opponents! Now, Roll Soul Rockman! Attack!"

"Not without me!" shouted Slur as the two of them rushed headstrong into the flame of battle.

As the two sides rushed to attack each other, an ominous aura surrounded the battlefield. An aura that signaled that not only would this battle cause massive destruction, sorrow, and pain, but that this was a desperate all-or-nothing fight to the death.

The Angelic Defenders of the Internet, Roll Soul Rockman and Slur.

The Unstoppable Bonnie and Clyde duo, Angry and Hungry.

Light and dark, good and evil came together in a blinding flash and a deafening clash of weaponry, and what happened next…had to be seen to be believed.

END PART 15


	16. Chapter 16: Forced Gluttony vs Spoiled B...

PART XVI: FORCED GLUTTONY VS. SPOILED BABY

The Internet trembled with a rising tension as a massive battle continued to ensue. It was a two-on-two battle to the death between Net Heroes Rockman and Slur, as well as Adver Metools Angry and Hungry, and it was clear that both sides needed more than just power to succeed. They needed strategy.

And unfortunately for Slur, this was clearly not Rockman or Netto's strong point.

"Rockman! He's trying to attack you!" Slur cried as Angry prepared an ungodly blast from his cannons.

"WELL DUH!" Roll Soul Rockman replied in an angered growl. "Thank you, Miss Sixty Minutes, but this is no time to be stating the obvious!"

Trying again in vain to delete the Bonnie and Clyde duo, Rockman aimed another Roll Annihilator at Angry and Hungry…only to have Hungry devour his attack yet again.

"This battle…is becoming impossible!" Netto cried as he knelt to the floor and clutched his head. "It seems the only technique I can use…is either Gigas the Nullifier…or Forced Gluttony!"

A shadowed figure suddenly appeared around the corner, witnessing firsthand the horror of what could very well be Netto's first loss. At that moment, the figure stepped on a pile of leaves, and Netto glanced over his shoulder at what he believed to be a suspicious character. As he saw no one, he turned back to the battle and let his easily distracted nature slide…at least for now.

"You have no choice, Netto," Slur groaned as she knelt in pain, having been dealt an incredible amount of damage from Angry's cannons. "You…must activate it! Use…the Forced Gluttony!"

"Very well…I-I have no choice but to use it! Secret Destroyer Technique…"

A red aura of energy suddenly enveloped Roll Soul Rockman. At that moment, it became clear to everyone involved that this final desperate maneuver would either be Netto's ultimate victory…or Rockman's ultimate demise. With the aura now in its full intimidating glory, Netto declared the unleashing of his most lethal sacrificial attack:

"…FORCED GLUTTONY!"

Roll Soul Rockman raised his hand toward a very intimidated pair of Adver Metools, who met his unrelenting gaze with nervous anticipation. Once the final syllable escaped Netto's lips, he unleashed a brilliant red cloud of energy at the pair. Unfortunately, the Ultimate Evils would not give in so easily…not before their final move of desperation.

"That lunatic!" cried Kenishiro from the security of his cubicle. "He'll ruin everything with that sacrifice of his! Angry, Hungry! Your stats should be equal. Use it NOW!"

"Adver Metool! Code Unlock!" shouted Hungry as a brilliant white aura surrounded him.

"Secret Defense Technique!" cried Angry as the same white aura surrounded him as well.

"…SPOILED BABY!" the two shouted simultaneously, releasing their aura towards Rockman. "HA! We have beaten your Forced Gluttony!"

Spoiled Baby and Forced Bluttony suddenly melded together into one pink blur that exploded in a brilliant flash before both sides, who were blown away by its sheer concussive power.

"Hahaha!" Kenishiro cackled. "It's useless! Like the spoiled baby who must be force-fed and yet refuses to accept any food by tossing it back at the feeder, so does Spoiled Baby return all your damage…to you!"

Roll Soul Rockman cried in pain as he felt the searing sting of his life draining away. For the first time in his life, he felt the agonizing realization that defeat would perhaps come after all.

In the real world, the shadowed figure, knowing what had happened, exposed himself and walked up to Netto and whispered calmly, "Do you believe you can use it again?"

"Who…who are you?" muttered Netto.

"Don't turn around, young man. Focus everything on this battle. I'll give you a tip to secure your victory."

"Er…please do! And introduce yourself later!"

"Very well…" muttered the shadowed figure, a sweat drop on his forehead. "As you know, Forced Gluttony relies on HP and stamina. Although it is true that the Roll Unison gives Rockman the power to restore himself…"

"…How do you know about the Roll Soul Unison?" Netto interrupted, resulting in a painful bonk on his head.

"…DON'T INTERRUPT! As I said, although Roll Unison blah blah yada yada, Rockman's body is too small a container to accept the power of Forced Gluttony. Therefore…it is necessary for you to use the Saito DNA contained within Rockman…to expand his power limits, and use Forced Gluttony to its fullest potential!"

"Saito…DNA?"

"Rockman is a very special Navi, injected with the DNA of your long-lost brother, Saito."

"I have a long-lost brother? He's…dead?"

"Er, no. He's just been in college for such a long time and never even wrote home or emailed. That's why we presumed he was so long-lost. What an ingrate kid…Anyway…you must unlock the Saito DNA by putting Rockman's life on the line. Which, of course, means you must use the Forced Gluttony…until his health is ZERO!"

"H-how do you know all this?"

"Shoot first. Ask questions later."

"Right…" Netto replied, with a hint of uncertainty plaguing his voice. "All right then…prepare yourself, Rockman…Secret Destroyer Technique! FORCED GLUTTONY!"

"This guy never learns, does he?" muttered Angry. "No wonder Kenishiro said he and Netto were equally stupid."

"None of that matters now!" shouted Hungry. "Soon we'll have one less idiot standing in our way!" The two of them again glowed brilliant white, preparing to unleash the Spoiled Baby technique.

Rockman again manifested his brilliant red aura, but by now it had taken its toll. He was becoming weaker by the second. As he continued to sacrifice his health for the sake of victory, he thought to himself, "I'm getting weaker…I can't feel my body anymore…at this rate, I…I'm going to…"

Spoiled Baby and Forced Gluttony clashed in a near-subatomic explosion as both sides unleashed their attacks simultaneously.

"I'm going…to DIE!"

VWRRRMMMM…

Rockman found himself alone, standing in a long, dark corridor reminiscent of a poorly maintained basement. The walls oozed a thick translucent slime, and out of the corner of his left ear, he could swear he heard a voice not unlike his.

"Who is there? Come here…I want to see your face."

Rockman continued down the corridor, searching for the source of the voice, when he came to a bright light at the end of the hall. Out of curiosity, he walked in, and was greeted by one of the creepiest sights he had ever seen in his life. A boy with flowing black hair and green eyes in his mid-twenties lay on a small bed, dressed in ragged and worn clothes, beckoning him to come closer.

"You…young Net Navi, what is your name?"

"My name is…Rockman."

"So I see…I want to escape from this body of yours…but I cannot find a way. Net Navi bodies are a detestable maze…Rockman."

"So you are the one called Saito, Netto-kun's elder brother who went to college and never wrote home!" Rockman gasped, then thought to himself, "So I see…the DNA coding installed during the customization process was…"

Saito grinned at Rockman.

"…HIS."

"You came to ME this time," said Saito, getting up from his bed. "Why have you come here? Do you seek something? Did you need me to send a letter to my dad? If so, give up, for I'm too lazy to help."

"Hey, Saito," Rockman muttered solemnly as he thought that laziness was definitely hereditary in the Hikari family, "if Spoiled Baby gets the best of us, we're both finished! So as a comrade, I'm asking you…lend me the power of your DNA!"

"So…you're saying that if you die, we're both dead. Very well. In order to save you, my brother, and the Internet…I will lend you my power."

"Cool! Thanks, man!"

Rockman's mind transcended back into the real world, and out of the corner of his eye, Netto saw an odd button on his PET's holographic screen, etched with nothing but a single word: "SAITO."

"Shoot first…" Netto cried as he prepared to push it, "…ASK QUESTIONS LATER!"

Rockman's brilliant red aura transformed into a brilliant green as Roll Soul Rockman suddenly obtained the true power of Saito.

"This is…the power of your brother, Saito," the shadowed figure continued, making Slur's original mistake by stating the obvious. "Now focus everything on your enemy!"

"I already know that!" shouted Netto. "Ultimate Destroyer Technique! Forced Gluttony…SAITO BOOSTER!"

Roll Unison Rockman's aura glowed even more brilliant, as Angry and Hungry realized that with this new unexpected development, perhaps they were the ones who would ultimately be destroyed. Not ready to go down quietly, they prepared one last desperate attack:

"Ultimate Defense Technique…SPOILED TWIN POWER!"

Angry and Hungry's auras suddenly became an ominous shade of dark purple as the two auras clashed with each other in a brilliant flash. At that moment, for an unknown reason, Netto cringed as he felt a sharp pain on his right hand. Then, even for a few moments, Netto, Kenishiro, Slur, Rockman, Angry, and Hungry experienced a situation that was increasingly rare in the battlefields of the Internet.

Silence.

"What…what's happening?" Slur wondered aloud as she shielded her crimson eyes from the brightness of the clash's fallout. "This is ten times worse than what I create by showing up! Roll, Rockman…are you…"

"Yes…I'm here…" Roll Soul Rockman huffed, kneeling on the ground as he had become too weak to stand. The Roll Soul was dispelled and both Navis knelt side by side with each other, battered and bruised from the sheer stress of the technique. "But…where are…"

The bright flash dissipated, and on the opposite side of Rockman, Roll, and Slur were two huge craters, each at least a full kilometer in radius. A bright upward stream of light into a spiraling black hole in the sky signaled that Angry and Hungry had been reverted back into their data forms, now returning to the URA Internet from which they had come. Netto looked around to thank the shadowy figure, but it was nowhere in sight. "Not that it matters anyway," he thought to himself. "I'll thank him later." For now, he lay back in relief that the battle was finally over.

Rockman had won.

DENSAN CITY MIDDLE SCHOOL, AFTER HOURS

"Netto Hikari," a familiar voice echoed from around the bend.

"Laika? What are you doing here?" Netto replied as he walked outside the school walls, using a raised voice to make himself heard among his clamoring peers.

"I've come to warn you about something the shadowy figure you saw has told me about."

"You didn't even get his name?"

"I communicated with him by email. I don't have a video phone. So sue me. Anyway, what you are about to hear…is advice regarding the use of the Saito DNA."

Netto's eyes narrowed as his expression became grim and serious. Laika continued, "Listen, Netto. The Saito DNA is…a safety risk. Do you remember experiencing a sharp pain during the battle?"

"Yes…on my right hand!"

"Look at it."

Netto gazed at his right hand and gasped in shock, for there on the back of his hand was an enormous recovering scar.

"You understand what is meant now by my calling it a safety risk? Saito's DNA unifies the operator with his Navi. In this case, Saito's power unified your consciousness with Rockman's and used your will to win as a source of power for Rockman's attacks. The drawback, of course…"

"…is that the operator and Navi, as a result of the unison…" Netto continued ominously, "…suffer the same pain."

"Remember this, Netto, use the technique only as a last resort," Laika said as he turned around and walked slowly and dramatically into the sunset.

"I will…Laika."

Laika had just turned the corner as Netto put on his roller blade attachments and prepared to skate home. Suddenly, he heard Laika's voice:

"Netto Hikari. Do you know where I can find a bus line to the Sharo military base?"

"Down this street and make a left," Netto called back while thinking to himself, "Way to ruin the drama, soldier."

ELSEWHERE IN JAPAN…

"Yessss, master…you can count on me to destroy them all!" the squeaky voice of an upbeat evil Adver Metool hissed.

"I know I can count on you…" Kenishiro murmured while grinning devilishly, "…HAPPY THE METOOL!"

END PART XVI


	17. Chapter 17: My World Has Ended

PART XVII: MY WORLD HAS ENDED

ONE DAY, AT HIGURE'S RARE CHIP SHOP…

"Aaarrrgghh, de masu!" shouted Higure, clutching his thick mane of hair as he knelt to the ground. "Another battle…lost! To…some odd little HAT!"

"I beat you! Heeheehee!" squealed a small Adver Metool as it stood across from a very battle-worn Number Man. "Now tell me where I can find Netto and his friends!"

"I'll never tell you as long as I'm alive!" Higure forced himself to say between clenched teeth.

"Then you will DIE!" the Metool shouted as it materialized a powerful sword to its right, preparing to filet Number Man like a fish. Obviously, squealing was a better alternative considering Higure's personality, and so Number Man replied:

"TheyarecurrentlyattendingDensanCityMiddleSchooltakingclassestogetherinthesixthgradeblahblahblahblahblahblah…"

"Densan City Network, huh?" the Adver Metool hissed ominously. "Then get ready, Rockman and Hikari Netto…for now you face the wrath of…"

A lightning bolt echoed in the distance as the Metool uttered his final words:

"…HAPPY THE METOOL!"

NETTO'S HOUSE…

The sun rose brightly, welcoming the beginning of a new and beautiful day. Birds chirped their melodious soliloquy as the fog of night made way for the glorious sunrise of the early hours of morning. On this glorious day, every sight, sound, and smell conveyed an aura of such tranquility and relaxation…

…BBBRRREEEEEEEEP!

"Unnhhh…just a couple more minutes…" Netto groaned as his alarm clock coaxed him into consciousness.

"Umm…Netto-kun," Rockman murmured nervously, fearing Netto's reaction to his next statement: "…look at the time."

"AAARRRGGHHH!" Netto cried as he stared at his alarm clock. Once again, he had failed to wake up on time. School started in five minutes. He opened his closet…and revealed a mungogagillion copies of the same outfit.

"Do you ever wear anything else?" Rockman murmured, a sweat drop gradually drawling down his helmet.

"Tell that to everyone else," Netto replied as he cynically rolled his eyes during a frantic changing of clothes. "You don't see THEM wearing anything different, do you? All their Navis probably ask them the same thing!"

"Point taken, but they have nothing to do with you, Nett…ACK!"

"WEHAVENOTIMEGOTTAGONOW!" screamed Netto as he grabbed his PET and made a mad rush for the door. Obviously, Mrs. Hikari was familiar with this routine, for there she stood at the front door, waiting for Netto with his backpack, roller skates, and lunchbox.

"HaveagooddayatschoolandgiveMommyakiss!"

"HEREYOUAREMOMLOVEYOUBYEBYE!" Netto gave his mom a millisecond peck on her left cheek and put on his roller skates, a trail of flame in his wake. Back at the Hikari home, Mrs. Hikari collapsed from the sheer strain of having to keep up with such a hyperactive son.

DENSAN CITY MIDDLE SCHOOL…

Netto nearly caused the collapse of the time-space continuum as he shuttled himself toward his school like a starship on full warp drive. Finally, he had arrived in class…with one minute to spare. Out of the corner of his ear, he heard Rockman moan…and then regurgitate messily. Fortunately, a maintenance virus came to clean up the mess.

"Rockmanwhatareyou…er, I mean, what are you doing?" Netto inquired quizzically.

"Don't…think…I've ever got so nautious…following you…before…" Rockman huffed as he attempted to stand up straight. "Scenery…all…one big blur…BLEEAAACH!"

The maintenance virus returned, slightly annoyed. At this point the clock had reached the exact time for class to begin, and Mariko decided it was an appropriate time to start class.

"Welcome, everybody," Mariko sang happily. "Did you all remember to do your homework? I expect everybody here to be able to interpret Shakespeare's Hamlet, to the letter!"

"YES MISS MARIKO," the class groaned mundanely, as they continued their lessons. Fortunately for Netto, and unfortunately for Mariko, he was busy discussing a new threat with Rockman: the coming of the final Metool.

"So his name is…Happy," Netto whispered.

"Indeed," Rockman replied softly, his right hand cupped slightly over his mouth to keep himself unheard, lest they both incur the Wrath of Mariko. "Rumor has it that a virus has been making its way into the Densan City network. But Netto…this virus is…STRANGE."

"What do you mean by that?"

"It likes to make everyone…HAPPY."

"NETTO HIKARI!" shouted Mariko. "If you're going to chat, do it outside class hours!"

And for the billionth time, Netto's antics attracted the laughter of the entire classroom.

DENSAN CITY MIDDLE SCHOOL, LUNCH HOURS…

"…So, what you're telling me is that this new Adver Metool causes suffering to others by making them overly happy?" Netto whispered, as talking any louder about the issue would have made a scene.

"Strangely enough…yes. It seems that the virus operates by making others happy through telling a joke or singing a jingle, then wearing it into the ground until everyone becomes severely irritated. Supposedly, it operates by annoying others. Considering the purpose of Adver Man, it looks as though this is very much in his context."

"Any ideas on how to deal with it?"

"None whatsoever. It seems that we have no choice for now…but to be happy."

As if by cue, every one of Netto's classmates uttered a loud and raucous laugh, staring down at their respective PETs. Pointing at Netto, they raised their eyebrows and cackled hysterically. Rockman's voice suddenly echoed loudly from Netto's PET: "Netto-kun…it's more horrifying than I dreamed."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Er…look at this."

With that said, Rockman opened a small .JPG file in Netto's PET, and unleashed the most embarrassing baby photo Netto had ever taken. He was splashing around in his bubble bath as he played with a toy battleship. Floating behind him was a mysterious chunk of brown material.

"WHAT?" Netto cried as his face became completely flushed over with a cherry red hue. "How did this picture get out?"

"It gets worse…" Rockman muttered. "Look at the caption."

Netto stared down at a small quote below the picture, and his face turned a pale blue, his second change in color that day. For below the already humiliating picture was an even more humiliating quote: "NETTO HIKARI, THREE YEARS OLD. DUMPING IN THE BATHTUB. I HAD A LOT OF TROUBLE CLEANING THIS ONE. CLEARLY, I SHOULD NOT HAVE FED HIM BEFORE BATHING. Author: Yuuichirou Hikari."

"YYYEEEAAAAAGGGHHH!" cried Netto as he stuffed his head into his backpack and the laughter continued. At that moment, the Densan City News Team appeared on every television in Japan, showing Netto's picture.

"This is Densan City Reporter Kero," said a sweet and cute-looking young girl, a toad-like Navi in a small screen beside her. "In today's news…giggle…chuckle…Net Savior Netto Hikari…hahaha…has reminded us all…heehee…that laughter is the best medicine. Aw heck! I can't hold it in anymore! BWAHAHAHAHA!"

What began as a single strain of laughter expanded throughout Densan City as the whole of Japan witnessed the disaster, but tragically, it did not end there.

BEIJING, CHOINA…

"Nihao, Yeye!" Jasmine shouted as she returned home from school to find her grandfather, on the floor and laughing uncontrollably as a television reporter delivered the latest news.

"Nihao…J…Jasmine…YOU HAVE GOT TO SEE THIS!" Jasmine's grandfather uttered between flowing tears of laughter. "I…I've never laughed so hard…I feel like a kid again…JUST LIKE HIM! GYAW HAW HAW!"

"Baba…what are you laughing ab…AHAHAHAHA!"

SHARO MILITARY HEADQUARTERS…

"Everyone!" shouted a Sharo military commander as he addressed his troops from a wooden podium, standing before a panoramic, theater-size projector screen. "I call every one of you for an emergency meeting!"

"Yes Sir!" Laika replied mundanely yet subserviently, honoring his superiors with a formal salute.

"You have been called here because of an emergency …to appreciate the seriousness, or lack thereof, of this situation! Behold…giggle…Happy the Adver Metool's…haha…first attack!"

With this said, the officer cued up a projector display, and the resulting image shocked all soldiers and officers present at first.

Laika wasn't sure what to make of this. Tears formed in his eyes. He felt his mouth twisting into a smirk. He found himself bending over as his stomach muscles contracted. His eyes widened, and he clutched his gut with his hands, seeing mild comfort in seeing every one of his comrades, even his officers, doing the same.

Finally, he could not help it anymore. Every one of Sharo's elite had doubled over into a fetal position on the floor, laughing uncontrollably, even a general who had just walked in to deliver a keynote speech. Laika let himself go and joined in the raucous laughter, tears of joy flowing from his eyes like fountains.

THE HEART OF IRELAND…

"Hinoken!" cried Hinoken's father as he pounded his table between hysterical laughter. "You've gotta see this…but ye better button ye kilt first!"

"What is it…OMFG!" shouted Hinoken as a smirk quickly materialized across his face. "That little Net Savior lassie be unloadin' his junk! I…I can't help it…me laughter's startin' up, ol' man!"

"Don't fight it, son! Laugh ye kilt off!"

Staring at the gratuitous photo, the two of them laughed uncontrollably, and every time they stopped laughing, it only started up again every time they gazed back at the television.

BACK IN JAPAN…

Even wearing a bag over his head didn't help. From his standard outfit, everyone knew that this boy was Netto Hikari. The child who accidentally did a Number Two in what was supposed to be the most sanitizing place in his house. Netto's face glowed bright red as a neon light all the way home, surrounded by raucous laughter as though he were reliving the horrific climactic chase scene of an A-list horror film. All the way home, that picture was seared into his mind.

"Netto…you must admit…it's not THAT bad…" Rockman squealed as he attempted to force back a laugh. His efforts were in vain, however. He put himself into Sleep Mode, before his operator went ballistic at the sight of him laughing. Netto sped home and buried himself in bed, but not before his mother looked at him…and blushed. For the rest of the day, all he could think of was one thing.

Happy the Adver Metool would die by his hands…by the most painful means available.

END PART 17


	18. Chapter 18:And World 3 Has Ended Too

PART XVIII: …AND WORLD THREE HAS ENDED TOO

NETTO'S HOME, THE END OF SCHOOL LUNCH HOUR…

"Netto-kun…" Rockman murmured anxiously as he waited for hours for Netto to escape the security of his bedsheets. "Come on now. I'm sure everyone's forgotten about this by now."

Unfortunately, at that moment, Rockman's eyes wandered to the window…and transfixed themselves on a tremendous blimp with an advertisement spread across its balloon. Imprinted on it was the very picture Netto had feared the entire day: unloading in the bathtub, complete with his father's comments about having such difficulty cleaning it up. People were gazing at it, looking at the Hikari household, and laughing. And written below was an ominous advertisement:

"SNUGGLES PATENTED WATERPROOF, BATHROOM-BREAK-PROOF BABY DIAPERS. WEAR THEM HERE, THERE, OR ANYWHERE. BECAUSE LORD KNOWS WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU DON'T. This ad sponsored by Adver Man and Happy the Metool."

"Er…Netto…you may want to hang around in bed a little longer."

"Mmmmrrrffmmmrf armmffff!" cried Netto, his voice muffled by his pillow.

"Netto…get out of bed for a second."

"Waaahhhh! Abba adda abbabaaa dabba!" cried Netto, his voice barely audible through his intense sobs.

"Netto…stop crying."

At that moment, a brilliant white flash signaled the arrival of Slur, who stared quizzically at Netto sobbing, then back at Rockman. Then she did her ordinary response to situations incapable of comprehension by tilting her head to her right.

"I have come to deliver…umm…what exactly are you two doing?"

"Shhh!" Rockman hissed. "What are you trying to deliver?"

"A JPEG picture file I suddenly received. I have not yet seen it, but it may be the missing link we need to defeat Happy…but why do you have to keep this a secret from your operator?"

Rockman giggled slightly as he whispered to Slur to open the file. As she did, she took a moment to stare at it in a deadpan manner.

"………"

"So? What do you think?" Rockman asked anxiously.

"Indeed…this is the work of Happy the Metool," Slur replied in her standard deadpan tone. "But we have absolutely no clues as to where he is hiding from looking at this picture alone. All I see is your operator in his younger days, making a mistake that ordinary children will."

"How do you know younger children do this?"

"I see it all the time when I grant evil to people who wish they had the power to stop changing their babies' diapers. So many that I could write a book about it. Getting back to the point, I will take this picture and decipher what clues I can from it. In the meantime, you two should start looking wherever you can. Happy is bound to turn up somewhere."

"Fine…what a boring woman. Netto…I'm plugging out of the home network. I'll plug back into the PET and put myself to Sleep Mode."

"ABBABBAAAABADABADAADAAA!" Netto sobbed hysterically at the top of his lungs. With that, Netto buried himself back into the security of his sheets, and Rockman disappeared from Netto's house network. Slur, however, continued to remain.

She looked to her left and right.

She looked behind and in front of her.

Finally, she looked above and below her.

And when she was sure no one was looking, she opened the JPEG file and laughed harder than she ever had in her life.

NEO WORLD THREE HEADQUARTERS, MAGNETS INC…

It was another boring day in the realm of evil. Sunayama was pondering his filming of a new documentary, mostly thinking about the cash he could milk out of it. Rei was looking in a vanity mirror, admiring how cool he looked while Flashman helped power the lights so he could apply his eye makeup at just the right shade. Takeo was teaching Monosuke to jump through fire rings, which would have been productive if that lion didn't get burned every time. Narcy Hide was busy helping Sunayama, mainly by suggesting that his documentary be an in-depth coverage film of the lives of little pink bunnies in Japan.

And finally, there was Tesla Magnets. Disgruntled and bored at her complete lack of a romantic companion, she sat deeply perturbed at the breakfast table, wearing a "I Love New York" T-shirt with a bowl of now hardened oatmeal staring up at her. Her father, Gauss Magnets, ate his oatmeal like an absolute pig. Of course, Tesla didn't care.

"No, nonono-ohohoho!" cried Narcy as Sunayama attempted to film a pink stuffed bunny. Making a ballerina-style pose, he continued, "You must film a real pink bunny! I will settle for nothing less than authenticity! I must realize…(twinkle twinkle)…my creative vision!"

"Zzzzzzzz…" Sunayama snored, obviously too busy having delirious dreams about his future Oscar-winning pink bunny cash cow.

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP!" shouted Takeo. "CAN'T YOU SEE YOUR CONSTANT FIGHTING IS TEARING US ALL APPAAAARRRRT!"

Everyone who heard him, which was pretty much everyone, turned to Takeo, then looked down sheepishly. All except Rei, who turned to Takeo and said, "I remember that episode. Your favorite soap…episode seven, where Brad finally breaks up with Susan?"

"Ohohoho! How did you know?" Takeo replied joyfully with a wave of his wrist.

"You know…" Tesla Magnets murmured, "just once I would like to meet a nice man…one who really cares about me."

"Ahahaha!" Gauss replied while doing that Magnets Family standard stupid laugh, what with the index finger next to his mouth and the high-pitched voice and whatnot. "Why would you need to hunt for a suitor…when the answer's right in front of you? Just look at these men…they would die to be your husband."

Tesla looked at Sunayama dreaming about his pink bunny documentary, which would have been perfectly attractive if he wasn't snoring and drooling. She looked at Takeo patting Monosuke and picking his own nose as though digging for lost gold. She completely passed over Narcy Hide. Finally, she decided Rei was much too self-important to even care about her.

"Don't you understand? I want a NICE boy! Someone who comes to me for a change. And about what you said earlier…maybe it WOULD be better if they died. That way, at least none of them would be my husband."

"Don't you say such things about the Neo World Three!" Gauss cried, reciting what was in retrospect a rather hypocritical statement. "It is up to you to uphold the honor of the Magnets Family! You, the one and only…"

"…TESLA MAGNETS!" squealed a high-pitched voice that could only belong to an Adver Metool.

"It's HIM!" Gauss shouted.

"Happy the Adver Metool!" Tesla cried, making that pose like in the painting Scream.

"…Talking in her sleep!" Happy continued. With that said, he opened a recorded MP3 file of Tesla sleep-talking, and sat down cutely to listen to it.

"Tesla…you had better not spill any of my company's secrets…" Gauss muttered between clenched teeth.

"What harmful things could I possibly think, speak, or dream of in my sleep?" Tesla shrugged. Unfortunately, Happy's recording would prove that the only moments that matter were the controversial ones.

"Oh, Net Savior Meijin Eguchi!" cried Tesla's recorded voice. "I love everything about you…the curves of your body…your hip yet awkward attitude…the shiny gleams of your sunglasses…and most of all, I love the POWER you have as a Net Savior! But most of all…"

Tesla shuddered as she waited in nervous anticipation for what she knew would be said next:

"…I love YOU!"

By this point, every member of the Neo World Three, as well as the top shareholders in Magnets Inc., were listening in as the recording continued. Adding to the chaos was that every television monitor and PET in the world was displaying and playing her recording at full blast, much in the way Netto's photo was distributed. The sounds of Tesla Magnets ruffling around wildly in bed could be heard as her recorded self cried out, getting angrier by the second:

"But that (blank) Manabe! That (blank) will ruin everything…and that bloated baldie (blanking) Commander Kifune…who ate WAY too much sushi, hehe, he's so FAT! Why must they get in our way, darling Meijin? Kiss me now! Kiss me deeply! San wa iranai! San wa iranai! SAN WA IRANAI, YOU (BLANK)!"

Everyone looked back at Tesla, who by now was sobbing uncontrollably with her face buried in her oatmeal, making a nasty mess on her makeup, but at least hiding her facial beauty mole. Gauss simply shook his head and grinned, wondering how he would arrange the marriage, until suddenly Tesla's recording blurted out his company's secret:

"And one more thing! The great trade secret of the Magnets Corporation is…"

"No! Please golly cheese whiz, NO!" cried Gauss dramatically as he dropped to the floor.

"Our secret is…TO BUILD GOOD MAGNETS!"

"NNNNOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Gauss as he joined Tesla in sobbing. And once again, the tragedy did not end there.

DENSAN CITY CENTRAL MEDIA CENTER…

"And so," Kero asked Wall Street's top analyst, "now that Gauss' daughter has given away her trade secret, what do you think of this recent development and its effects on the stock market?"

The analyst scratched his chin like a cocky genius before responding, "Indeed, it is a troubling effect. Stocks will crumble for Magnets Corporation, but the abundance of magnets that are actually GOOD for lower prices due to competition will raise the Dow Jones Industrial Average and NASDAQ up by three thousand percent…Kero, are you listening?"

"Zzzzz…wha-wha-WHA?" Kero replied, bringing herself back among the living, "Oh yes. And do you have any other additional comments?"

"Indeed. From everyone here at Wall Street: Best of luck, Tesla and Meijin."

NET SAVIOR CONTROL CENTER…

Meijin locked himself away in the men's bathroom, and for the next several hours, he set up a barricade of wooden planks in his stall and refused to come out. Not even for brownies. Kifune and Manabe were already on their way to Magnets Corporation to give Tesla a serious whooping, flaming trails and popped anime-style veins in their wake.

AND DEEP IN SPACE…

"Slur? How did you get back here so quickly?" Duo asked, raising his brow.

"I emailed myself back here," Slur replied, very matter-of-factly. "Duo…it has already begun."

"Indeed it has," Duo replied. "It is not Kenishiro's dream to simply destroy Netto. He will go beyond the best. And to do so…"

"…he will not stop until he humiliates EVERYONE ON EARTH!" Slur replied, again very matter-of-factly. "We must stop him! But first…"

Slur again opened Netto's photo, and she and Duo burst into hysterical laughter. For the moment, it appeared Happy's fate would have to be postponed.

END PART XVIII


	19. Chapter 19: Diaper Trouble

PART XIX: DIAPER TROUBLE

Netto turned the corner into a dark alley. Hopefully, no one would see him on his way to school…but tragically, he was wrong. A tall and masculine figure dressed in a trench coat approached him slowly, and he wasn't quite sure what to make of the situation.

"Young man!" shouted the figure as he reached out his right hand.

"What…what is it?" Netto asked, understandably nervous.

"I am a legal representative of Snuggles Corporation!" he continued in a deep and authoritative voice. "We understand you know what has happened. A few hours ago…"

"Please don't remind me…"

"…We received your photograph and exclusive rights by an unknown virus named Happy to market our products with your image. We would be interested in knowing if you would like to continue your long-term relationship by signing…er…are you listening?"

"Zzzzzz…er, what?"

"Anyway, please step into my limousine. We will discuss all the details of your contract with our corporation as we ride to our headquarters."

Netto had been told by his father never to trust anyone, and so was understandably shaken when asked to accompany someone he'd never met to a company he knew only indirectly. Being of the polite nature, he replied, "I have too many obligations and promises to keep to even think about doing an ad campaign. I'm sorry…just too many promises at this point."

"Did I mention…" the man continued, "…that this contract will involve upper-five-figure sums of money, paid semi-annually as an annuity?"

"…But aren't promises made to be broken?" Netto replied, perking up and rushing into the man's limousine as soon as the word "annuity" had been uttered. A sweat drop manifested on the shadowed man's head as he thought to himself, "What a cute child…"

And then, as the street lights suddenly came on for the evening hours, his face was revealed, and he continued to think to himself: "I raised him well."

The shadowed figure having revealed itself, Netto's father stepped into the limousine and prepared to head off.

SNUGGLES DIAPERS, A.K.A. SECRET BASE OF THE NET SAVIORS…

"Is Netto ready yet?" Yuuichirou Hikari asked while glancing at his watch. "Here I told him who I was on the way here, and he was more excited about the ad campaign alibi than he was to see me or even wonder what we were doing…"

"AND he's been in the bathroom for a half hour!" Meijin continued, joining in the questioning of Netto's whereabouts. "I wonder what he's doing in there. He knows we're all here…you told him, right?"

At that moment, Netto Hikari emerged from the bathroom. Every female Net Savior who saw him squealed and covered their eyes. The men looked, gave a slight smirk, and giggled softly. Mr. Hikari made a disgusted expression and slapped his forehead. Meijin thought about uttering "San wa iranai" for an umpteenth time, but decided the situation was too ridiculous to comprehend. For there Netto was, wearing nothing but his forehead bandanna, bath slippers, and a Snuggles diaper.

"Sorry I'm late!" shouted Netto, his fleshy body caressed by the howling wind of the air conditioning system. "I haven't used a diaper in such a long time…I forgot how to put them on! So where's the camera, huh? Let's make an ADVERTISEMENT!"

"Ummm…Netto…" Yuuichirou muttered, "there is no continuing ad campaign…and the Net Savior Wages Payable department already pays you a semi-annual five-figure salary."

"Then how come I never get the money?" Netto replied, asking quite the obvious question.

"TAXES!" everyone in the building responded in unison.

"Yeah right…" Meijin muttered, wondering where HIS paycheck went every year. "Anyway, Netto, I have new information about Happy the Metool…and his weakness."

"You do?" cried Netto, limping forward as the sheer fluffiness of the diaper made it difficult for him to move his legs.

"Indeed," Yuuichirou replied. "We've discovered that Happy functions primarily through the Internet. Namely, he concentrates most of his efforts on humiliating his enemies through psychological warfare, mostly by spreading messages, videos, and photos which are easily sent through the Web."

"So…" Meijin continued, "what we have to do is seal him inside the real world. By sealing doing so, he will no longer be able to connect to the Internet, and therefore will be rendered completely helpless without his ability to transmit data. He may be the leader of the Adver Metools, but he is also the most vulnerable and has the least power or health stats of the others. We have the Lockable Dimensional Code ready to initiate. All you have to do is find Happy and persuade him to come into reality, where we will seal him."

"All right!" Netto cried as he started running out of the building. "I'll go right now and tell the others!"

"No, Netto!" Yuuichirou shouted. "Not yet!"

"Your father's right, Netto!" Meijin agreed. "You can't do it now!"

"And why not?" Netto responded angrily. "Why don't you want me to fight Happy?"

"Who's stopping you from fighting Happy?" Yuuichirou asked, raising an eyebrow. "You forget, Netto. You can't possibly look tough, much less go outside. Not while you're wearing THAT."

"Cute, though," Meijin wondered as he scratched his chin.

They both pointed at Netto's outfit…he was still wearing nothing but a baby diaper. As Netto realized this, he blushed madly, rushed into the bathroom, and spent another half hour changing back.

IPC CORPORATION, THE NEXT DAY…

"So you're saying that the only way we can destroy him…is to make him real?" Enzan asked uncertainly.

"Indeed," Netto replied, closing his eyes and nodding his head. "And why are you hiding beneath your desk?"

"Netto…before I tell you this…you must promise you will not be shocked, and that you will never tell anyone what Happy did to me."

"I promise…now spill it!"

Enzan leaned in close to Netto's ear, and then remained quiet for a matter of seconds. Netto wasn't exactly sure what was going on, and was about to fall asleep, when Enzan suddenly screamed in his ear: "GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"Waaaggghhh!" Netto cried as he jumped up, breathing extremely heavily. "What in the world was THAT for, Enzan?"

"It appears I cannot tell you what Happy did to me," Enzan replied straightforwardly. "You are too easily shocked."

"Y-you know…" Netto forced himself to say between clenched teeth as his body became enveloped in flames, before beating Enzan into a steaming heap and storming out of the building. It was pretty obvious that Enzan had been humiliated beyond comprehension, as had every other member of his social circle he had already tried to contact. It was time to seek help elsewhere, from the most powerful woman available at that time who had not yet been embarrassed…

HIGURE'S RARE CHIP SHOP…

Netto twiddled his thumbs in front of Shuuko Kido as he recited the events of the day long past, as she looked from side to side with uncertainty, giving only a slight giggle at Netto's mention of the release of his "crappy" picture. Once it was all done, there was a moment of silence as Shuuko processed all this…but mostly that picture.

"I see," Shuuko Kido said solemnly. "So you need my help to defeat Happy?"

"You're the one of the only ones left who haven't been humiliated yet!" Netto stated while pointing at Shuuko. "Everyone else is sulking in bed or hiding away since they're too ashamed of what Happy did to them to even go outside…and I'm only coming after him because I'm being paid to fight him!"

"Very well, I'll help. But tell me one thing, because I'm curious. Do I get paid some reward as compensation for assisting a Net Savior?"

"You get a nice fake check from the Mayor, but you never get any REAL money."

"What happens to it?"

Netto looked down on the floor with a solemn expression as he muttered, "TAXES!" He then thought to himself, "Waitaminnit…come to think of it…do I actually EVER get paid? Ah well. A fight's a fight."

"Umm…okay," Shuuko replied, while thinking exactly the same thing. "So can we at least go out on a date?"

Netto blushed wildly as Meiru-chan spontaneously appeared out of nowhere and screamed, "NOOOOO!"

"Fine, sheesh."

THE URA INTERNET …

"Wheeee!" squealed Aquaman, maintaining a death glomp on Rockman's shoulder blades. "We're off to see the wizard…the wonderful wizard of…"

"…WRONG MOVIE!" shouted Rockman angrily as he limped toward an uncertain goal. They had been searching the URA for several minutes already, and still no sign of Happy. Then suddenly, from behind them, there came the sound of multiple roars of raucous laughter as Serenade ran into them, crying.

"Uhhhh…Serenade-chan?" Aquaman inquired, understandably quite puzzled. "WTF happened?"

After giving Aquaman a swift slap for employing such a vile acronym, Serenade sobbed, "The picture…Happy showed it…of me teaching Slappy…how to belly dance!"

"Ummm…okay," Rockman said with his eyebrow raised, a flight of wild images racing through his head at the mention of this event. "So any idea where he is now?"

"He's…showing it to everybody!" she cried while holding a large brown sheet to her face and blowing her nose in it, pointing back to the URA Internet Plaza with her right hand.

"Then there we go!" shouted Rockman. "And by the way…what's with the sheet?"

"This? It's Forte's. He loaned it to me to cover my face after the picture got out."

"And where's Forte?"

"He's hiding away in a private area, after Happy showed everyone in the world a video of him squeezing his cloak and singing the 'I Love My Little Blankie' song."

"Oooohhhh," Aquaman uttered in wonderment. "I know how that one goes! I Love My Little Blankie, Blah Blah Yadda Yadda, I Love My…"

Before Aquaman could finish the first chorus, Rockman rushed off into the distance, both to destroy Happy and to avoid any further stupidity.

A BIT LATER AND A BIT FARTHER FROM THE LAST PLACE WE LEFT OFF…

"You will all love this pic!" Happy cried. "Serenade in her belly dancer outfit!" The crowd oohed, ahhed, and then giggled at the picture as they realized she was teaching a Metool to dance. Fortunately, this moment of humiliation would not last long, for in burst Aqua Soul Rockman in full synchronization.

"Happy!" shouted Rockman with a very angry and/or irritated expression, "Your reign of terror will come to an end!"

"Good job, Aqua Man and Rockman!" Netto cried. "Meijin-san, we've found him! Send us a Lockable Dimensional Area now!"

"Not until you say it!" Meijin replied, making a quite irritated facial expression as he folded his arms.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry I called you Meijin-san. San wa iranai. NOW can you do it?"

"That's right, dammit! San wa iranai! Anyway, Lockable Dimensional Area! INITIATE PROGRAM NOW!"

An array of radar antennae mounted on the roof of Snuggles Diapers aligned themselves toward the sky and emitted a dazzling array of light that manifested into a single multicolored aura that fell towards the earth, finally solidifying itself on the ground and disappearing. Aqua Soul Rockman and Happy the Metool had finally entered the real world.

"Wow…this is so COOL!" Happy shouted in wonderment, but then as he looked at the humans, he muttered, "But what kinds of Net Navis are THESE? They don't even wear jumpsuits!"

Stopping a random woman, he asked, "Can you do a Shark Soul for me? I PROMISE no one will see it…" She rolled her eyes, but then took a second look and realized it was the now infamous Happy the Metool. She obviously had something to hide, as she ran away screaming, along with every other person in sight. Now the only ones left were Aqua Soul Rockman and Happy the Adver Metool.

"This ends NOW!" Aqua Soul Rockman shouted as his right arm became an Aqua Sword. He rushed toward Happy to end his reign of terror in a single decisive blow.

But suddenly, Happy revealed a rather gratuitous photograph…

"HUMILIATING PHOTO TECHNIQUE! ROCKMAN ATTEMPTS TO WOO ROLL-CHAN BY PUSHING THE BUTTON ON HER BUTT, STICKING OUT HIS TONGUE, AND POINTING AT HIS CROTCH!"

"Whaaa?" Aquaman's voice protruded from Rockman. "Rockman…YOU DAWG!"

"What…the…WTF…" Rockman murmured. "How is it that he's still able to humiliate me?" And then he thought to himself, "…and I was told that photo would be taken only for PRIVATE use…"

"How is that possible?" Meijin shouted. "Our plan was foolproof! Unless…oh NO…"

"That's right," Yuuichirou Hikari murmured. "Happy possesses an experimental type of program created specifically for a virus of his architecture…"

The two of them shouted in unison, "…THE MOBILE AUDITORY REDUNDANT BACKUP LATENT ECHELON DRIVE!"

"…Otherwise known as MARBLED," Manabe continued in a boring and matter-of-fact tone. "Just so you don't have to say all that."

"And so…" Mr. Hikari shuddered, "MARBLED is an experimental code that allows a Navi to even drag external Internet files not saved in its own integrated hard drive into the real world. It is a code created specifically for the use of a Lockable Dimensional Area. That Kenishiro is more brilliant than I suspected!"

"Except now that he's in the real world, we still have a chance!" Meijin continued, somewhat but not completely relieved. "He now has to edit and send his pictures manually. So that means…as long as he's in the real world, Rockman is vulnerable to nothing but his own humiliation!"

That said, Meijin turned to his intercom and shouted, "Netto! You understand now?"

"Gotcha, Meijin…but Rockman's not moving."

"WHAAATTTT!"

"Well, he's sorta kneeling down and crying, screaming ROLL-CHAN! I don't think he'll move for a while!"

Happy grinned menacingly, then used the MARBLED to initiate a Battle Chip data code as he squealed, "Battle Chip! LIGHT SPEED!" With that, he proceeded to run throughout the town at astonishing velocity with a sonic boom in his wake, distributing copies of Rockman's picture to everyone in Densan City. Soon, he had completed the entire neighborhood and every citizen was roaring with uncontrollable laughter. His work complete, Happy stopped in front of Rockman in a manner consistent with his Light Speed behavior:

"IHAVEGOTTAGONOWBECAUSEMYWORKHEREISDONEYESITISYOUHAVENOCHANCETOSURVIVEMAKEYOURTIMESEEYOULATERBYEBYEHASTALAVISTABABY!"

And with this, Happy was gone. Adding to the horror of the matter, all electricity in Snuggles Diapers wore off…and Meijin and Dr. Hikari were left in almost pitch darkness, and therefore could not gather enough power to maintain an audio connection with Netto or Shuuko.

"Dr. Hikari…" Meijin moaned. "…were you ever able to pay the electricity bills?"

"No," Mr. Hikari replied.

"…And why not?"

"…TAXES!"

END PART XIX


	20. Chapter 20: Slur VS Happy

PART XX: BATTLE FOR MY PICTURES! SHARK SOUL SLUR VS. HAPPY

DENSAN CITY SHARO MILITARY BASE…

"Where is he?" shouted Iriya as his eyes blazed across every monitor and screen at the Command Center's disposal, his friend Laika standing beside him and doing pretty much the same thing. "Our sensors aren't picking up anything! That madman Happy the Metool's spreading humiliating pictures of everyone and we're helpless to stop him!"

"Our only hope is that now that he must manually deliver his goods to EVERY address that he needs," Laika continued, "but…with his ability to call forth the data of any battle chip he wants, thanks to the MARBLED, we can only sit by and watch!"

"The only thing we can do…" Iriya murmured while lowering his head ominously, "…is to leave it in that powerful but kinda stupid boy's hands…"

THE URA INTERNET REALM…

Slur had called an emergency meeting with her contacts in the real world. She knew what she had to do to defeat Happy the Adver Metool, yet she was emotionally unprepared to take on this utterly gratuitous task.

Suddenly, she heard a Net Navi materialize from behind and swiftly turned around to prepare to attack who she thought would be Adver Man. Fortunately for her, it was only the Net Agent contact she had agreed to meet in the real world: Sharkman, followed by his slightly overweight and ridiculous operator: Commander Beef!

"WTF!" Slur cried, placing additional exaggerated emphasis on the F. She stared quizzically at Commander Beef's communications link, a ridiculous image of a man wearing a shark-like mask and ridiculous cape, emanated on a holographic screen hovering in mid-air. Taking in the sheer absurdity of it all, Slur huffed, "You…do you actually go outside looking like that?"

"Yes," Beef replied quite matter-of-factly as Slur wondered what his children would grow up to act like. Pointing toward the sky with determination, Beef continued, "Now then, it is not my intention to be rude, but I have a very busy schedule of Net Agent-ing to do. I understand Happy has to be stopped, so we really should do this as quickly as possible."

"Agreed," Slur replied, closing her eyes. "With that said…I would like to introduce you to a photographer and artist friend of mine. I don't know his real name, but he introduced himself as N2-O Night, and he's going to help us."

Another screen materialized in mid-air, revealing a picture of another human that was blacked out and spoke in an altered voice for reasons of privacy: "If all of you don't mind, I probably should make these pretty quickly. I'm also bogged down photographing several others to fulfill some requests for pictures."

"I understand," Slur replied, blushing madly. "So…er…Sharkman…are you ready?"

"Hoo-boy baby! Am I ever!" Sharkman replied in an overly exaggerated enthusiastic tone that warranted a sweat drop from Slur.

"Very well…SHARK SOUL UNISON!"

The soul unison complete, the photography session began.

DENSAN CITY TOWN PLAZA…

Three thousand humiliating photos, audio clips, and videos released. Over one million homes plugged. Raucous laughter echoing throughout the whole of Japan. Not bad for one hour of non-stop media work.

Without a doubt, Happy the Adver Metool was making incredible progress. He opened his checklist to see who was next on the Doomsday Schedule for Happy's Humiliation. "Let's see. Now that I've done most of what I had to do…I still have a handful more to do! And my next target will be…"

His red, beady eyes glazed over his list and stopped at the next name to be checked off:

"…SLUR.EXE!"

"Oh, is it ME you're looking for?" Slur shouted as she materialized behind Happy.

"Oh?" Happy grinned, turning around to face his next potential victim. "And how did you come here to find me?"

"I emailed myself here."

"Hmmm…yes…well, all your efforts are come to naught! Now, prepare to be humiliated! HUMILIATING PHOTO TECHNIQUE! SLUR WEARING A STUPID KIMONO, DESIGNED BY SLAPPY THE METOOL!"

He prepared to open a large image file, until a madly blushing Slur stopped him and said, "Wait! Are you sure you want to do that?"

"I'm the villain here! Of course I want to do it, stupid!"

"Well now, I only ask because I have something here, infinitely more gratifying, that I think you will like!" Slur said with a cocky expression as she opened a large folder, creating a window full of rather gratuitous thumbnail-size photos as she lowered her head, knowing she would do something she would regret for the rest of her life as a Navi. Opening all the thumbnails into glorious full-size vision, she continued:

"And now, Happy, I'll reveal the ultimate weakness of your technique…HUMILIATING PHOTO TECHNIQUE COUNTER! GIRLIE PICTURES OF ME IN MY SHARK SOUL UNISON BIKINI!"

Happy stood still for a minute. He wasn't sure what to make of the situation as his eyes mundanely glazed over the Shark Soul pictures, his eyes attentive yet completely without expression. All pictures of Shark Soul Slur hovered before him, and yet here he was, staring at them with a poker face.

"What's the matter?" Slur asked, a cocky expression adorning her face. "Don't you want them?"

"NO!" screamed a familiar voice as a mysterious cloaked, bat-headed figure rushed into the plaza at near-light speed. "I DO!" The cloaked figure emerged and Slur recognized it immediately.

"F-FORTE!" cried Slur. "What are YOU doing here?"

"YOU WILL GIVE ME THOSE SHARK SOUL PICTURES!" screamed Forte, his face red and his nose snorting at full blast with sheer unadulterated lust.

"Stay out of this, you idiot!" shouted Slur as she tried to prevent Forte from accessing her files. Unfortunately, Forte was not the only person willing to take this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

"What's this?" wondered Aqua Soul Rockman aloud as he turned the corner. Obviously, Aqua Man was able to convince him that flirting with Roll wasn't really that big a deal. That said, as soon as Rockman's eyes lay on the pictures, his eyes widened, and his face split, revealing the lustful aura he had revealed in the picture that Happy had once taken of him flirting with Roll.

"I…I WILL HAVE THEM!" squealed Aqua Soul Rockman, rushing to the scene. "MY HEART IS BURNING FOR SHARK SOUL GIRLIES! YOU WILL SURRENDER THEM NOW!"

Suddenly, at that point, all battle activity ceased as Happy the Metool expanded to the size of a small office building, and for some odd reason, grew long and twisted horns at the peak of his helmet.

"What…what is this power?" Forte murmured, as he and Aqua Soul Rockman watched in awe. "It's…it's off the charts…I've never seen such levels!"

"Those pictures…" Happy boomed in a deep and authoritative voice, "…ARE MINE!"

"So much greater than his normal Humiliator power levels…" Slur wondered aloud in awe, "…his LUST power levels could lay waste to the entire cluster of the Japanese Islands!"

"Where are you, Slur!" boomed Happy, shaking the ground with the forcefulness of his deep voice. "GIVE ME THE SLUR SHARK SOUL PICTURES OF THE WORLD!"

"Now what, genius?" shouted Aqua Soul Rockman as he turned to face Slur's direction, but with his eyes transfixed on something else…

"Umm…Rockman?" Slur moaned. "Those are my picture files. I'm over HERE."

"There's no time to discuss details!" Rockman shouted as his face continued to redden and hot steam bellowed from his nostrils as he glued his eyes to Slur's pictures. "What are we going to do!"

"Hold it…I have a plan!" Slur perked up. "You want my pictures, Happy? Then have at them!"

She transferred the files to Happy, and then something unexpected happened. Happy accepted the pictures and reverted to his normal form, but his body began to dissipate as wires emanated from his body and entangled him.

"What…a VIRUS!" cried Happy as his data dissipated into the URA Internet. "You sneaky little devil…hiding malicious code in these pictures…"

"Trust me," Forte said, pointing upwards in an intellectual fashion. "I know from experience that when downloading pictures like that, this happens more often than you'd think."

"And what kind of EXPERIENCE do you know that from?" Rockman asked with his eyebrow raised, as Forte blushed and plugged out.

"I don't care anymore…" Happy murmured as he made an intensely satisfied grin. "Now that I have these pictures…I can die satisfied!"

"Ah, so I see!" Rockman shouted as he dispersed the Soul Unison, leaving Aquaman standing behind him. "Slur…you hid a virus in the files!"

"You figured that out on your own?" Slur muttered under her breath, and then spoke loud enough for Rockman to hear: "Indeed. And with Happy destroyed, so were the pictures…"

"WHAAAAATTTT!" screamed Rockman.

"You see, the pictures themselves were encoded with the virus, so they had to be deleted permanently in order to…" BONK!

Slur was knocked unconscious as Rockman ran off sobbing his heart out into the distant horizon, his heart longing endlessly for more Shark Soul pictures.

END PART XX


	21. Chapter 21: Ultimate Virus BakaNeko

PART XXI: THE ULTIMATE VIRUS, BAKA-NEKO

Happy had continued to dissipate until there was nothing left. Slur had regained consciousness and plugged out of the real world. No one truly knows where Forte had gone. As for Aquaman and Rockman, they too had returned to the realm of the Internet. Sadly, Happy did not take Slur's virus without giving something back in exchange…the deadliest computer virus known to exist…

THE DAY AFTER HAPPY'S DELETION…

"Ugggghhhh…" Netto murmured. "Wha…what time is it?"

He stared at his alarm clock, and suddenly his face split. All bloodflow to his head ceased and he became an incredibly pale blue. Midterm exams at Densan City Middle School were scheduled to begin at eight o'clock sharp this morning.

And there Netto lay, completely stupefied, staring at his alarm clock, which now read, "10:00 AM."

"IOVERSLEPTBYTWOHOURS!" Netto screamed, once again entering Super Hyper Turbo Mode. At this point, Rockman would usually provide a slight reprimanding scold, but for some reason, today he was unusually silent about the whole matter. Perhaps he had learned it no longer worked. Or perhaps it was SOMETHING ELSE…

"Rockmanwhydidn'tyouwakemeupwhenIhadtobeatschoolbyeight!" Netto huffed, veins popping all over his body as he unleashed his full Turbo Boost Power.

Rockman sheepishly and quite strangely muttered, "Unnnhhh…Netto…NYYYAAAAAA…"

"THISISNOTIMETOBEYAWNINGROCKMAN! I'MLATEAGAIN!" Netto cried as he screamed throughout his room at light speed, slowing down for a minute when he accidentally realized he had put his underwear over his head. Mrs. Hikari knew the routine, for she, too, had entered Turbo Mode, but not before heaving a disappointed and slightly irritated sigh. As Netto ran out the door after a millisecond peck, he rushed to school with a flaming trail and sonic boom in his wake, threatening to collapse the entire space-time continuum.

Finally, Netto burst into the school, but for some reason everyone in the building had emptied out. He walked casually over to Meiru and Yaito and inquired quizzically, "Um…what's the problem here?"

"Strangely enough, they called us out for a fire emergency, something that suddenly started a few minutes ago, like around ten," Meiru shrugged.

"And why's that?" Netto wondered. "Did Hinoken come by and throw another cigarette in the Recycled Paper bin?"

"Umm…Netto?" Yaito murmured with her eyebrow raised, "…Look behind you."

Netto did exactly that, and saw that a fire squad had been assigned to neutralize the flaming trail he had left in his wake. He grinned, impressed at his own power. The last time he had accessed his Super Hyper Turbo Netto powers, the fire department didn't even have to be called to put out his flames. Clearly, he had exceeded his limit.

At this point, one of his classmates ran up to him and shouted, "Are YOU Netto Hikari?"

"Last time I checked," he shrugged. The classmate responded by turning to everyone else, and shouting, "…HOORAY FOR NETTO HIKARI!"

Everyone present, even the teachers, joined in a rousing cheer. The classmates were clearly glad that midterm exams had to be rescheduled due to his emergency, and the teachers were quite gratified that they had one more day to not spend worrying about papers to be graded. Netto jumped up and down with glee, shouting, "Isn't this great, Rockman? Slacking off…PAYS OFF!"

"Umm…yes, Netto…nya…"

Netto suddenly froze in his tracks, for he recognized that fatal utterance, "NYA," from days long past. He slowly moved his eyes down to his PET and stepped back in shock as his heart skipped a beat. For there in his PET, Rockman had suddenly been infected with a Neko Virus.

"H-how could this have happened?" screamed Netto as he clutched his head. "It must have been during our battle with Happy! He must have exchanged Slur's virus…and left us with the Neko Virus!"

"That's precisely right, Netto," Yuuichirou Hikari said as he placed his hand on Netto's shoulder and pointing to the Snuggles Diapers limousine waiting at the school gate. "I think you'll need to come with us. I have something important to tell you."

"Pops?" Netto said as he whipped around to face his father. "When did you get here? And what could be more important than school…"

At that point, Netto thought about what he was saying and rushed into Snuggles Diapers' corporate limousine as his cheering classmates and teachers waved goodbye.

SNUGGLES DIAPERS, SECRET HEADQUARTERS OF THE NET SAVIORS…

"What is it, Dad?" Netto inquired as he rushed into the Net Saviors' control room. His eyes glazed across the computer monitors…until they became transfixed on a single monitor, on which Slur, Forte, and Aquaman were seen, cowering in embarrassment and cursing Happy the Metool. As they got up to greet Netto, he could see that they, too, had been infected with the Neko Virus. Shuuko Kido was in the building too, and greeted Netto with an enormous glomp.

"Netto…it's terrible!" Shuuko cried as she continued to embrace him.

"Hehe…n-not really…" Netto blushed, feeling two soft cushion-like objects pressing firmly against his chest.

"WHAT IS THIS?" Dark Meiru-chan spontaneously muttered from a computer screen, after which Shuuko let go of Netto, after which Dark Meiru reverted to Normal Meiru and all was well again. Not for their Net Navis, however…

"How can I look like my powerful self like this, nyaaa?" Neko-Slur murmured, rubbing her Neko ears.

"I dunno, these ears are pretty cool, nyaaa!" Neko-Aquaman squealed happily as he rubbed his own ears.

"WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP, NYYYAAAA?" Neko-Forte growled angrily. "You're all being so STUPID, nyaaa! Can't you see this whole Neko thing is so out of character, nya?"

"So…everyone who was at the battle became infected!" Netto said, pointing in the air in an intellectual fashion.

"WELL DUHHHH!" shouted everyone listening in unison.

"Ahem…that aside…" Meijin said as he cleared his throat, "there's something about this Neko Virus that you should know. It's…er…quite different than the last strain, and it is apparently known as…Ultimate Virus Baka-Neko."

"The Baka-Neko Virus?" Netto gasped. "I…I thought it was only an urban legend!"

"It used to be, and was promoted to be only that so the public would never learn of its vile existence," Yuuichirou muttered. "It is a very old virus program that your grandfather, Dr. Light, had to seal away permanently in order to prevent its power from being unleashed on the world. Unfortunately, its power was obtained by Adver Man, who used it to construct the Ultimate Coding behind his five Adver Metools."

"You mentioned that Netto had already encountered the Neko Virus, nya," Slur perked up. "So how's this virus strain different from the last one-nya?"

"This…is only stage one," Meijin muttered. "There's another stage…but it needs a certain catalyst for it to activate properly."

As if by cue, a squealing voice shrieked: "AND THAT WOULD BE ME!"

Everyone in the building recognized the tone…it was Adver Man. Meijin looked on the ground and moaned, "Speak of the devil…"

"And the devil in question is me too!" Adver Man squealed gleefully as he jumped up and down quite stupidly. "Do you know what the second stage is?"

"NO!" Yuuichirou shouted in vain. "DON'T DO IT!"

"Gaahhhh ha ha!" Kenishiro's voice cackled over the intercom as Netto glared at the speaker in disgust. "The second stage is, in addition to having all of you remain in Neko form, you'll no longer have to end your sentences with Nyaaa, BUT…ADVER MAN GETS TO PUT ON YOU WHATEVER CURSES WE WANT!"

"NNOOOoooo…ooooohhh?" Netto cried, expecting something horrifying from Adver Man, but getting a vaguely puzzling statement instead.

Adver Man glanced across the computer monitors in the room while grimacing maniacally and wondering aloud, "Let's see…what curses shall we inflict today, master?"

"Gahaha…" Kenishiro cackled, then directed Adver Man to his first target. His goals clear, Adver Man shouted, "First of all…I'll start with YOU!"

He pointed at Neko-Rockman, and continued, "You shall be forced to wear your helmet upside down on your head!"

"NNNNOOOOOOOOOO!" Neko-Rockman screamed dramatically as the scenery panned away to reveal the sheer drama of his curse.

"YOU!" Adver Man shouted at Neko-Forte. "You will be an evil genius wannabe, who makes grandiose evil plans that ultimately always backfire and fail!"

"NNNOOOOOOOOOOO!" Neko-Forte shouted, while secretly thinking he didn't mind his curse, as this was the way things usually worked out even when he was normal anyway.

"And…YOU!" Adver Man continued down the line, pointing at Neko-Slur. "You shall always have to compare things with other things!"

"NNNOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Neko-Slur, not actually understanding what her curse meant.

"Finally…you," Adver Man said, pointing at Neko-Aquaman while tilting his head, wondering how a chubby little goldfish bowl got mixed up in the battle against Happy. "Kenishiro…what to you want to do with THIS one?"

"Hmmmm…I have the perfect curse! Here, Adver Man! Execute THIS!"

Kenishiro emailed a message to Adver Man, who giggled as he read it and jumped up and down with glee. He pointed at Neko-Aquaman and shouted, "And finally, YOU shall always have a lever on the side of your head that makes you flush the water from your head! And then you will barf out water from your mouth to fill it back up again! Now that I'm done…ALL CURSES ACTIVATE! SECRET PASSWORD: WHOOSH-WHOOSH, NEKKO-WOOT-WOOT! Activate the Ultimate Virus…BAKA-NEKO!"

"NNNOOOOOOOOOOO!" Neko-Aquaman squealed, secretly thinking he was going to have fun with his curse.

"Aaaaaannnnd that's it," Adver Man and Kenishiro uttered simultaneously as they both logged out.

With that, Neko-Rockman's helmet disappeared and reappeared upside down on the top of his head. After taking a moment to fix up his "helmet hair," he tried to remove it, but to no avail. The curse was foolproof, and he was, unfortunately, a fool.

"You know," Neko-Slur wondered aloud as she scratched her chin, "…you remind me of a fashion magazine article I once read." Neko-Rockman looked at her, and she shrugged in response.

"Flush…BLLEEEAAHH! Flush…BLLEEEEAAHH! This is fun!" squealed Neko-Aquaman as he repeatedly pulled his head lever and flushed his own head, never once stopping to think his head was swimming in its own barf.

"The world is so full of pain and misunderstanding…" Neko-Forte moaned as he lowered his head and grinned maniacally. "…AND NOW I WILL ADD CHAOS AND DISORDER! Gaaahaaahaaa! Meet my new evil assistant…STONE MAN!"

With that, Neko-Forte picked up a random piece of ground that just happened to look like a stone, and then used his Dark Sword to carve a little happy face into it. "And now…" Forte continued ominously, "YOU WILL TREMBLE IN FEAR BEFORE THE CAT GOD FORTE!"

"Yours is the most stupid curse ever," Neko-Rockman murmured, temporarily forgetting how stupid HE looked with an upside-down helmet attached to his scalp.

"Indeed," Neko-Slur nodded. "You remind me of a friend that I once had."

"Flush…BLLEEEAAHH!" Neko-Aquaman continued, obviously too preoccupied to even care.

"How dare you insult Stone Man! Attack them, my minion!" Neko-Forte shouted, throwing him forcefully…but in the completely wrong direction. His so-called Stone Man was cast off a mile away from where it was really supposed to make contact, and crumbled into dust.

"Hah…he clearly was not powerful enough to be my minion…" Neko-Forte muttered disappointedly. "But never mind, for I shall find others!"

With this, he carved little happy faces into everything in his sight and logged out, but not before screaming, "Kill them all, my minions!"

Typically, nothing happened.

BACK AT SNUGGLES DIAPERS…

"Soooo…" Netto murmured unsurely, "how do we revert them back to normal?"

"There's only one person who knows that…" Meijin replied, "…and that would be Jasmine and Cardamom in Choina. You'll get your answers there."

"But don't they specialize in treating human and animal illnesses?" Shuuko asked with her eyebrow raised. "So how experienced are they in treating cyber illnesses?"

Yuuichirou started out dramatically, holding up four fingers with his right hand. "They have…"

Netto and Shuuko looked at him with gazes of wonderment as he continued,

"…FOUR HOURS OF EXPERIENCE!"

OUTSIDE SNUGGLES DIAPERS…

Netto Hikari and Shuuko Kido stood outside the Net Saviors' secret headquarters, waiting for the limousine to take them to the airport to take a flight to Choina. As they waited, Netto turned to Meiru and moaned ominously, "We're doomed, aren't we?"

Shuuko's eyes foretold an impending ill fate as she moaned, "Four hours worth of doom, to be exact."

"…That's what I thought."

And for the first time in a long while, they embraced each other and sobbed, but had to stop when Dark Meiru-chan spontaneously appeared and shouted:

"WHHHHAAAATTT?"

END PART XXI


	22. Chapter 22: Big Trouble in Little Choina

PART XXII: BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHOINA

Netto and Shuuko slowly made their way through Beijing International Airport's Central Terminal, looking around in awe as though they were honeymooning tourists. Shuuko seemed to be quite calm about visiting another land, but Netto, on the other hand, seemed rather afraid. He clutched a nearby roof support pillar in fear as his eyes widened and snot flowed from his nose in nervous apprehension of goodness knows what.

Gripping Netto's arm but not embracing him again (lest she incur the wrath of Dark Meiru), Shuuko whispered, "Netto…you're making a scene. People are starting to stare! Why are you so afraid, anyway?"

"I…I…" Netto murmured nervously as he began sucking his thumb, "I don't…"

"You don't…what?"

As Netto turned to look at Shuuko, a random lightning bolt struck in the distance as he cried, "…I DON'T SPEAK ONE WORD OF CHINESE!"

"Oh come on," Shuuko said reassuringly as she gave Netto a slight hug. "All we have to do is find an interpreter!"

"And where shall we do that?"

"Well, if we look over HERE…" Shuuko stated while pointing at a multilingual airport map, "…we should be able to find out where the Information Desk is! Let's see…WOW! I had no idea the airport was this big! Okay, let's see…"

Her eyes glazed over the map, and suddenly her face became pale as Netto's. She huffed and puffed angrily as a random lightning bolt struck again in the far distance. The dramatic backdrop complete, she cried, "…THE OTHER SIDE OF THE AIRPORT? Are you (blanking) kidding me? That's like, TWO (blanking) MILES! WHY DO YOU (blanking) PEOPLE DO THIS TO US?"

Everyone in the airport looked at Shuuko and Netto then quickly glanced away; because they did not understand much Japanese, they believed she was calling for her mother. And to this day, no one knows what the (blanks) meant. Unusually, this display of cultural misunderstanding paid off, as a Chinese security official approached them and said in very broken Japanese: "I…speak…a little piece o'…Japaneesey. You need much…er…happy super duper help talking Choina's talk and walking Choina's walk. Am I right…or left?"

"ARGH!" Netto screamed in very broken English. "This be getting nowhere at all! Me is super happy mad guy at not being able to talk Choina talk and whatnot!"

"Hold it…" the guard said as he suddenly perked up, "…you know how to be speakin'…"

"Yes!" cried Shuuko. "We all making glorious happy sense now-uh!"

"Yes-uh!" shouted Netto. "We all speak in same language what we be understanding each other in! Mmm!"

"Indeed! We all speak-a…" continued the security guard, after which the three of them danced around stupidly and shouted in unison:

"…VELLY BROKEN ENGRISH!"

To illustrate the seriousness of this new discovery, another random lightning bolt struck off in the distance. Apparently, this was getting out of hand, as the air traffic controller shouted over the intercom, "Due to random lightning storms in area, we forced to shut down all flights for half hour! Thank you very much and have nice day! You all know where Food Court is, buy yourself snack in meantime."

"Well…THAT was a shocking culture clash," Neko-Rockman moaned, attempting to pry his helmet off of his head. Apparently Aquaman has found a use for it; he was now sitting in Rockman's helmet, causing a great deal of neck strain at Rockman's expense.

"Indeed…" Neko-Slur continued. "This reminds me of the last time I would've given a Chinese man an Asteroid Navi but didn't understand a word he said…it's a good thing they can still communicate in Broken Engrish, which reminds me of that same time where I had to have his daughter interpret what I was saying."

"Flush again!" Neko-Aquaman squealed gleefully, obviously too preoccupied to even care as he pulled his head lever repeatedly. "And again! And again! Bllleeeaaaahhh! This is fun no matter HOW many times I do it!"

As for Forte, he continued to wander around the Internet realm, drawing happy faces on everything and building up a vast army to attack them all…

JASMINE AND CARDAMOM'S HOUSE…

"A…a CURE?" shouted Cardamom in Japanese. "F-for…THE ULTIMATE VIRUS BAKA-NEKO?"

"Better known as the Idiot Cat, Grandpa," Jasmine continued while pointing upwards intellectually.

"If his reaction to the mere mention of it was THAT strong…" Shuuko murmured.

"…then the Baka-Neko must be even more powerful…than, say, Gospel!" Netto continued, his face full of nervous tension as he leaned in toward Cardamom…only to find the sheer energy required for such a reaction had caused him to fall asleep with exhaustion, snore bubble and everything.

"Zzzzzzz…"

"He reminds me of an old man I once met," Neko-Slur wondered aloud while scratching her chin.

"Hey, you…" Netto muttered impatiently while popping Cardamom's snore bubble.

"Aaaiiiiyyyaaaaa…" Cardamom murmured while shaking his head, "…we must get them cured before Stage Three!"

"The third stage?" Netto cried nervously. "Wha…what is the THIRD stage?"

"The third stage is…Zzzzzzz…"

"Grandpa, you sleep way too much…" Jasmine murmured while approaching her grandfather…and being shocked to find a sleeping dart in his back. "What is this…someone put my grandfather to sleep!"

"And you're absolutely sure that he didn't do it on his own this time?" Netto shouted, after which everyone turned to look at him and rolled their eyes.

"Ho ho ho! Now you'll remain little Nekos forever!" shouted a voice from behind them, a shrill, incredibly glass-shattering laugh that could only belong to…

"…TESLA MAGNETS?" cried Shuuko. Looking around, everyone could see that Tesla stood proudly, armed with a sleeping dart gun, accompanied by Forte's real-life persona: the robotic body of GOSPEL.

"What're GOSPEL and the CEO of Magnets, Inc. doing here? Don't you have better things to do than pester us?" Netto yelled in a rather annoyed demeanor, but soon his voice became a cocky and condescending tone as he continued: "And shouldn't you be flirting with Meijin?"

Tesla rubbed her facial beauty mole and said, "You know, boy, that might be nice, but for today…"

"GYAW HAW HAW!" cackled Forte's voice from GOSPEL's body.

"Will you SHUT UP?" Tesla screamed at Forte in her terminal's audio/visual link. "I told you the deal was that we would work together only if you didn't do that stupid evil laugh!"

"NO ONE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO! GYAHAHAHA!" He then used a Magic Marker to draw happy faces all over Tesla's outfit. "That is punishment for your insolence! Your clothes have betrayed you! They have become MY minions now! The next time, I won't be so forgiving…I'll make an evil minion out of your UNDERWEAR!"

"Grrrrr…" Tesla murmured, but sadly her humiliation would not end there. GOSPEL tore Tesla's suit off, leaving her in nothing but her underwear, after which everyone except GOSPEL covered their eyes. It was a good thing Cardamom was asleep…goodness knows what would happen if he saw this. His minions in hand, GOSPEL threw Tesla's happy-faced business suit at Netto, Jasmine, and Shuuko. As her suit flew towards their bodies, he shouted maniacally, "GAAAHAHAHA! Attack them, my minions! Press on to glorious victory and entangle them…with an Invincible Fishnet Attack!"

Tesla's skirt fell on a very madly blushing Shuuko Kido, and her blazer engulfed a more than slightly disturbed Netto Hikari, after which GOSPEL shouted, "And now you will NEVER escape the trap I have set for you all! The Fishnet Attack is foolproof…and will destroy you all! WITHER IN PAIN, NEKO-INFESTED WRETCHES!"

"Hmm…this reminds me of the time I had to help Duo try on a new skin I downloaded for him…" Neko-Slur wondered aloud.

"Would you SAVE IT ALREADY?" Rockman cried, struggling to balance himself as Aquaman sat in his upside-down helmet and continuously flushed his own easily amused little head.

"AAAIIIIEEEEEE!" Tesla cried while sobbing uncontrollably, emulating the response that most logically followed having been derobed by a psychotic robot possessed by a Navi who was even more psychotic than usual. "What…what do you think you're doing with my Armani suit? Miss Millionaire even had it designed and custom-tailored for me!"

"You mean…" GOSPEL replied while cackling stupidly, "…what are my MINIONS doing! And after this is over, you must get another suit! I need new minions!"

Netto and Shuuko whipped Tesla's suit pieces off their respective bodies, and with their eyes shut, they shouted simultaneously, "Wake Cardamom or else!"

"Curses!" GOSPEL said while folding his arms and snapping a finger. "Foiled again! Oh well…there's always next time!"

He picked up Tesla's clothes and ran off with Tesla in her underwear chasing after him and blushing madly, crying: "Give me back my suit!"

"NEVER!" GOSPEL cackled. "Your minions don't trust you anymore! I have made them see the light of darkness! Or the darkness of light…Anyway, I will rest today, plan tomorrow, and destroy you all the day after tomorrow! GAHAHAHA!"

And with that, GOSPEL and Tesla ran off into the horizon in an incredibly disturbing way.

"Zzzz….wha-wha-WHA?" Cardamom muttered as he once again joined the waking world. Staring at Shuuko's and Netto's PETs, he cried, "AAAIIIIIYAAAAA! I've woken too late! The third and final stage begins already!"

"Third stage?" Netto wondered aloud as he stared at his PET. His face twisted into an expression of confusion as the bodies of Rockman, Slur, and Aquaman suddenly started to shrink and become chubbier.

"Argh! My body!" cried Rockman. "My beautiful fangirl-attracting, fan art-worthy body!"

"What's happening to us?" cried Neko-Slur. "This reminds me of that diet plan I tried that never really worked out!"

"My…er…body?" Aquaman cried in confusion. "Can my little body even be CALLED a real body?" And then he flushed his head again, just for the heck of it.

"The Third Stage…" Jasmine moaned. "I thought it was an urban legend…no one has ever dealt with it…and escaped its fate!"

"Wha…what's the third stage?" Shuuko asked in nervous apprehension.

"The Virus Baka-Neko is an evolutionary virus," Cardamom stated intellectually but understandably nervously. "As you already know, at the first stage, your Navi becomes a Neko. At the second stage, a catalyst arrives to give your Navi a curse. But the most feared power of all the time-released evolution, which develops its onset at the final level…the Third Stage! Where the Ultimate Virus Baka-Neko evolves into…"

The Navis' transformations complete, he continued:

"…THE EXTREME VIRUS CHIBI-NEKO!"

END PART XXII


	23. Chapter 23: Searching for ChibiNeko

PART XXIII: THE SEARCH FOR THE CHIBI-NEKO

By the time its presence was realized, it was already far too late. Rockman, Slur, Aquaman, and Forte had all succumbed to the Extreme Virus Chibi Neko. With no end in sight to the horrors of this powerful virus, they were forced to exist as mere shadows of their former selves…as Chibis. Deep in the heart of Beijing, Netto and Shuuko pondered the fate of their Navis. However, all tragedy was not to end here, for the virus had a very unfortunate side effect…

SNUGGLES DIAPERS…

Yuuichirou Hikari banged his fist on his desk, spilling his coffee and making a terrible mess on a stack of papers he had been sorting through that morning. Realizing that he had just spilled coffee all over a report he was assigned to print out for that afternoon, he threw caution to his wind and banged his desk again in sheer frustration. Two tragedies in a row was clearly not the way to begin a Monday workday.

"The virus Chibi Neko…" he murmured between clenched teeth, "…how could we let it get so out-of-control?"

Meijin looked down towards the ground and moaned, "And now that the virus has fully evolved…its tragic side effect will become apparent!"

"You're…you're right!" Yuuichirou gasped, turning to face Meijin. "The most tragic side effect of this technique is…zzzzzzz…"

"Yuuichirou?" Meijin muttered, "You've clearly been working too hard…zzzzzz…"

Meijin and Yuuichirou fell face-forward on their desks as a feminine figure dressed in a brand-new red suit emerged from the shadows, armed with a sleeping dart gun. Lowering her head with determination, the figure growled, "The Chibi-Neko virus…its power will be…MINE!"

And with that, Tesla ran out of the building to prepare for the next phase of her mission to capture the Chibi-Neko virus.

A SUNNY BEACH NEAR MAGNETS INC…

"You know…" Sunayama murmured, "we really should start looking for Tesla. It's pretty obvious that without a leader, we're like chickens without heads."

"I dunno, I like chicken," Rei sighed as he lay tanning in his swimshorts on a beach chair. "Besides, I feel rather relaxed now that Tesla's gone. For once, we have no one to order us around. It's as though we're all free to do what we want…instead of having that dragon woman gnashing her teeth around us all the time."

Needless to say, if Tesla were present, she would have shown Rei the true meaning of Dragon Woman.

"Much agreed!" Takeo nodded his concurment as he watched a new episode of his soap opera on his PET, downloaded by torrent courtesy of Beastman, while his lion Monosuke looked on with an amused grin. Turning to the others, he called out, "And would you two mind keeping it down a little? I'm watching my favorite soap…Achy Breaky Heart! This is a brand-new episode, and Brad is cheating on Susan with Devon again!"

"I thought they broke up in episode nine! Since when did they get back together?" Sunayama said, suddenly perking up with interest, followed by Rei, who approached Takeo and continued, "Yeah…and isn't Susan the half-sister of David's evil dominatrix sister Nancy?"

"Oh, hohoho! No, that's not true!" Takeo replied while rolling his eyes and making a limp motion with his left wrist. "Nancy is the cousin of Susan, and she was thought to have died after choking on a moldy piece of leftover pizza, left near the sink for two days by her lazy brother Kevin! Brad stopped seeing her in episode six, and whenever he sees her now, he completely forgets her name."

"Of course…" Sunayama continued, further elaborating the soap opera's plotline with color commentary, "…and Brad got together with Susan again in Episode Ten, after he talked to her seventeen cousins to persuade her to get back together with him! And then Devon won Brad's affection with an offering of twelve creamy pink jelly donuts…so now she's taking Brad to Krispy Kreme behind Susan's back, all to eat more pink donuts!"

"Speaking of certain pink things…" Rei inquired as he looked around quizzically, "…where in the world is Narcy Hide?"

"You know…" Sunayama wondered aloud, "…the last I saw of him was when he told us all he'd be going to find a cute little cat virus or something."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Rei asked, stating quite the obvious question.

"You know that guy. I don't think anything he ever does is actually SERIOUS," Sunayama muttered while his colleagues nodded in agreement. "But…for some reason, he looked pretty determined. Even so, I didn't take him TOO seriously…"

"HEY YOU TWO!" Takeo shouted. "Come quickly! Susan discovered Brad and Devon…at Krispy Kreme! And even worse…she's brought TWELVE OF HER SEVENTEEN COUSINS! The most ever featured in a single episode!"

" OMFG!" With light speed, Sunayama and Rei sped back to Takeo and watched his soap opera on his PET, eyes widened with incredibly nervous anticipation. Who knew what devastating revenge Susan and her twelve cousins would wreck on Brad and Devon?

A DARK ALLEY SOMEWHERE IN DENSAN CITY…

Wily grudgingly pushed his garbage cart around the streets of Densan City. How humiliating…for an evil genius of his stature to be demoted to a civil servant, working almost eternal graveyard shifts as a garbage collector. The only thing he had going for him now was the fact that government jobs gave the best employment pensions…and even then, he felt not nearly as satisfied as he did when he led the World Three. Empty PET in hand, he wandered the streets in helpless and pitiful delusion.

Until that one fateful moment, that is. While lost in his reverie, garbage collector Wily could have sworn that he saw a brilliant light, and cried to himself: "OH PLEASE, UNDERTAKER! DON'T TAKE ME YET!"

A sultry female voice emanated from his PET: "Ummm…I'm sorry?"

"SO AM I!" Wily shouted, sobbing his heart out. "Look! Just give me another chance!"

The female voice continued, "Ooooookaaaayyyy…you remind me of a dropout college student I once granted a Navi to. Anyway, another chance at what?"

"It's just that without the World Three…" Wily sniffed, "…I just don't feel useful anymore! I've just been drinking day and night because of my sorry excuse for a life…look, just please don't take me to the afterlife yet! I promise I won't drink next time! At least…er…not as much!"

The voice paused to sort out these thoughts, and then inquired quizzically, "And how much did you have to drink?"

"One bottle!"

"Well…um…THAT isn't so bad…you remind me of a best-case Alcoholics Anonymous scenario."

"EVERY THREE SECONDS FOR THE PAST HALF HOUR!"

"Okay, now you remind me of a WORST-case Alcoholics Anonymous scenario! You DEFINITELY need a new Asteroid Navi!" the voice shouted impatiently. Wily recognized the words Asteroid Navi; he may have turned out to be a hopeless worst-case portrayal of the human condition, but at least he kept up with current events.

"You must be…er…Sally? Susan?"

"DAMMIT, I AM SLUR! You remind me of something that is not easily reminded of because its name is constantly forgotten or altered by morons!"

"So then. Nice to meet you…Slurp."

"If only I could create wires in REAL life…" Chibi-Neko-Slur thought angrily to herself while slapping her forehead, before composing her mind and remembering that, old as Wily was, SHE was the more mature one here. "Wily…I assume you, as an evil genius, know of the Extreme Virus, Chibi-Neko."

"Did you say…" Wily perked up.

"Of course…and you do know what its side effects are. Now that we're on the same page…I've decided to grant you the power to destroy it. You see, we are all infected with the Chibi-Neko, which reminds me of the last time I had to visit this boy who wished he no longer had the flu. You must stop the strain by eliminating the virus with the Navi I am about to give you, which reminds me of the time…"

"SO…THE CHIBI-NEKO EXISTS!" Wily cried excitedly, pulling into his trash bin and getting out his old robe, tossing away his garbage collector clothes to become…LORD WILY! "I will once again attempt to rule the world by the Internet…starting with gaining absolute control of the Chibi Neko!"

"Wait…" Chibi-Neko-Slur shouted, "…you remind me of someone who forgot something important!"

"Yes!" Wily cried while shutting off his PET, mostly to conserve the batteries, as he did not make enough on his current salary to afford new ones. "And that important thing is…TO CONTROL THE CHIBI-NEKO! Thank you for all your help, Suzie-Blue! LOOK OUT WORLD!"

In the Internet Realm, Chibi-Neko-Slur sighed and turned to an Asteroid Navi anxiously waiting behind her, moaning disappointedly, "He reminds me of someone who forgot to collect his new Asteroid Navi. Looks like you'll have to wait for the next potentially evil human to come along, which reminds me of people who have to spend hours waiting for their turn to be treated in the hospital."

"FREAKIN' DAMMIT!" Asteroid Burnerman screamed like a rabid cupcake.

SNUGGLES DIAPERS…

As Meijin and Yuuichirou woke up, they both emitted utterly satisfying yawns…that is, before remembering what they were talking about.

"My goodness…" Yuuichirou cried, "…now, if I'm reading this Events Bulletin monitor correctly, Narcy Hide and Lord Wily have even joined in the search for the Chibi Neko!"

"Right…" Meijin wondered while scratching his chin. "Wily…Tesla…Narcy Hide…this is completely consistent with the effects of the Chibi Neko Virus! For all those who seek the power of the virus are…"

Images of Lord Wily, Tesla Magnets, and Narcy Hide flashed in their heads as they both shouted simultaneously:

"Everyone who seeks the power of the Chibi Neko is…EITHER UNBELIEVABLY WEIRD OR REPULSIVELY UGLY!"

"So then…" Meijin murmured, "…the Chibi Neko, the final stage of the Ultimate Virus Baka-Neko…"

Yuuichirou paused dramatically before shouting, "…makes people CUTE!"

CHOINA'S INTERNET REALM…

"…We're becoming cuter and cuter!" cried Chibi-Neko-Rockman as he continued to shrink and become chubbier.

"…And it just won't STOP!" screamed Chibi-Neko-Slur. "This reminds me of all those little cartoons in Sanrio Surprises!"

"Flush…BLLLEEEEAAAAHHHHH!" By now, everyone knew who THIS was.

As for Forte, he continued to build his ever-increasing army, but now a little slower. His shrinking size and increasingly chubby body clearly made it difficult for him to draw happy faces on larger objects.

END PART XXIII


	24. Chapter 24: Ring Around the Rosey

PART XXIV: RING AROUND THE ROSEY

AN AMEROPE NAVY NUCLEAR SUBMARINE, OFF THE WEST PACIFIC COAST…

The U.S.S. Essess continued its deep descent through the deep waters off the coast of Japan, near the fated Ring of Fire, where no brave or sane seaman dared to venture. That is, except for the one ship in the fleet commanded by General William Roberts Specific, who was struggling to find the cause of the recent strain of ad campaigns plaguing NATO's database. He scratched his chin and wondered what Adver Man could possibly be up to now, as he stood before his fellow submariners in the command deck.

"U.S.S. Essess is approaching the hot zone!" shouted the Essess's chief navigator. "Diving to 1,000 feet below sea level, and switching on silent passive sonar! All hands on deck, we don't want to make any noise to give away our position, so SHUT UP! COMMANDING GENERAL SPECIFIC ON DECK!"

"No need to shout!" General Specific replied in an irritated tone. "You're right next to me!"

"YES, SIR! SORRY, SIR!" shouted the navigator.

"What did I just say?"

"IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN, SIR!"

"Urgh, just forget it."

"General Specific!" cried Co-Captain Jefferson Smiley. "We've just received word that the Ultimate Evil has just initiated a chain reaction called the Baka-Chibi-Neko Virus, and it's spreading throughout Japan."

General Specific turned to face Smiley and grinned devilishly as he hissed in a Montgomery Burns style, "Excellent…we'll summon our own Navis to destroy this threat by encapsulating it in a ZIP file and sealing it with troops of Navis on both sides with a Pincer attack, using our own uniquely developed program. Adver Man will never know what hit him."

"Permission to speak informally, sir?" Smiley asked as he raised his right hand.

"For goodness sake, we're drinking buddies. Talk informal all ya want, Smiley."

"Aren't we being a little TOO brash and impulsive here?" Smiley asked nervously. "I know we were assigned by Japan and the Ameropean Embassy to patrol this area, but we really should take more caution when dealing with this matter. We're kind of assuming our program will work…when in reality we haven't even had a beta version to test!"

General Specific turned to face in a random direction, raising his chin as he said dramatically: "You will do well to remember this, Smiley, and all of you. Back when I was in grade school…there was a boy in our school team named Bosley, who played baseball absolutely hopelessly. We would always stick him out in the far outfield alone, where no balls really came, and if he missed a catch, we would make him pull down his pants and show his briefs to Sally Hines, the school gossip."

"And the point of this display of arrogant bullying that no one really cares about is…?" Smiley asked with a raised eyebrow.

"The point is…that now, fighting this Adver Man, I understand how Bosley felt, out there all alone in the outfield, fearing that the one ball he missed would be the one his pants would get pulled down for. I can picture the international community…playing the role of Sally Hines, communicating our errors to the masses! That said…we cannot fail!"

"What's this 'our' and 'we' business…" Smiley thought to himself, "…when YOU'RE the one whose honor is at stake here?"

General Specific's face glowed with determination or blatant unapologetic self-interest as he delegated orders to his crew: "Activate Mobile Network Connector Arrays and jack us in as Mock Administrator status! We'll find Adver Man on our own and stop him once and for all!"

The missile decks on the U.S.S. Essess opened with a mechanical hiss to reveal an array of waterproofed networking tubes, not unlike the ones Dr. Regal employed to create Dimensional Areas not long ago. General Specific lowered his head in determination as he delegated to his crew:

"Run silent profile and stand by to await the President's orders! We'll have that troublesome advertiser nuisance in our clutches soon enough…"

DENSAN CITY INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT…

Kenishiro was growing rather impatient standing at Baggage Claim while holding up a sign that read: "Mary Towa." His French contact had promised to meet him at noon on the dot…and it was now two-thirty in the afternoon. He was about to give up and make a lame excuse for not waiting there in case she came after he had left in impatience, until suddenly he felt someone glomp him around his waist and recognized who it was immediately.

"You're late…" he muttered, "…Mary Towa."

"Ah, Kenishiro, pardon," Mary replied while sighing heavily, "but you know how Ring-chan is. Mon dieu…she got distracted window shopping at the airport's Mall Network and it took me three hours to find her."

"Mary-chan!" cried Ring as she did that cute little innocent pose where the forearms are held tightly in front of the chest. "I've just found an adorable skirt for you to wear and charged it to your VISA!"

"With a Navi as shop-crazy as that, you're lucky your family is wealthy," murmured Kenishiro.

"Oui," muttered Mary as she gave Ring a frosty glare, after which Ring made an innocent kitty-like face and Mary smiled as all was well again. Who could stay mad at a face like that?

"Anyway," Kenishiro said as he started to walk across Baggage Claim to the taxi waiting area, "I've contacted you to help me because I no longer have a set of virii to command. The Adver Metools were quite possibly the only means of attack I ever worked through, and now that they're gone, you have asked me about a new opening for an evil subordinate. And so, you understand why you are here."

"Dude, I understood that long ago when it first happened," Mary thought to herself, "so why are you stating what already happened?"

As the two made their way toward the taxi, Mary struggled to lift her extremely heavy baggage into the taxi, before Kenishiro helped her and realized she had packed an ungodly amount of stuff. He decided to verify this with Mary by shouting, "Gods, how much did you pack? You're only staying here two months!"

"All my battle chips, clothes, hair care equipment, makeup, lotion, and et cetera, Monsieur Kenishiro," Mary shrugged. "All in all, I packed very light this trip!"

"Curse the wealthy…why should they afford to pack so many hefty novelties?" Kenishiro cursed to himself as he lifted Mary's bags with all his might, or at least as much might as a middle-aged marketing manager could muster. Once this impossible quest was overcome, he entered the taxi with Mary and continued the mission briefing in a faint whisper so the driver wouldn't overhear:

"Now listen carefully, Mary. The situation has become rather complicated…I've just heard rumors that Amerope's government has gotten involved in the matter, and we have to move quickly."

Mary tilted her head, indicating she did not understand why this was important. Kenishiro sighed and said, "We must attack the Baka-ChibiNeko-ified Net Saviors in their weakened states, so that we still have the advantage."

"But…Monsieur Kenishiro!" Mary gasped. "Ring-chan is not meant for attack!"

"I AM TOO!" Ring-chan pouted.

"All the more deceived they will be when you defeat them!" Kenishiro uttered slowly as his grin widened. "You will defeat the Net Saviors…with THIS!"

He handed Mary a small Battle Chip, encased entirely in a brilliant metallic red, and as the chip fell into her palm, she gasped yet again and cried, "This…this is…"

"Now you understand what you must do!" Kenishiro cackled maniacally.

"Of course I do, bub," the taxi driver said as he looked back at Kenishiro. "You still want me to take the freeway?"

"Express route, and make it snappy!" Kenishiro replied, his grin never fading even for an instant.

"Right away," the driver responded as he sped down the street at near-lightning speed. Very soon, the Net Saviors would feel the combined wrath of Adver Man and Ring-chan; the only question was when.

DENSAN CITY MIDDLE SCHOOL, LUNCH HOUR…

"For the last time, Yaito," Netto murmured while rolling his eyes, "the Forbidden City really does exist! And for the last time, no one except the Emperor of Choina and his family and subjects are allowed inside!"

"I'm an Empress, Netto!" Yaito squealed while pointing at herself. "I could go in, can't I?"

"You're a different kind of Empress, Yaito…you have a BUSINESS empire."

"There's a difference?"

"So Netto," Meiru said anxiously to Netto as she placed her hand on his shoulder, "did you ever find a cure for the Ultimate Virus Baka-Neko?"

"No," Netto replied grudgingly, partly disappointed that the virus mutated before Cardamom could cure it, and also quite flustered with Meiru's hand on his shoulder. "And one other thing…it's the Extreme Virus Chibi-Neko now."

With that, Netto slowly brought out his PET and showed everyone…Chibi-Neko-Rockman.

"EEEEEEEE!" Yaito and Meiru squealed. "He's so…"

"Weird, I know," Netto sighed.

"No!" the two excited girls cried in response. "He's so ADORABLE!"

"I just want to huggle him to pieces!" cried one of Netto's female classmates.

"Not as much as we do!" squealed a bunch of girls sitting near to Netto. The whole situation made Netto feel quite awkward, but none more so than when Meiru suddenly ran up and glomped him, becoming Dark Meiru and shouting to her fellow females:

"HE IS MINE!"

Having witnessed the power of Dark Meiru, the girls cowered in their seats, leaving them be…at least for now.

"I've gotta find a cure for this as soon as possible…" Netto thought to himself as Meiru continued to jealously guard her prized classmate.

IPC WORLD HEADQUARTERS…

"…So what I've basically been trying to tell you is that the Baka-Chibi-Neko Virus turns all of our Navis into adorable little kitties," Netto stated as Enzan listened on.

"From this analysis," Enzan murmured, "it is possible that the virus' most powerful ability is to make Navis more adorable, and thus weaken their effectiveness in battle. I've analyzed Rockman's statistics, and his power levels are reduced to nearly seventy-five percent. Soon the virus' transformation will be complete, and his attack power will be cut in half."

"How long will THAT take?" Netto asked nervously.

"If the virus continues to remain undisrupted, that is?" Enzan closed his eyes and turned his back to Netto, not wanting him to see his sudden and nervous apprehension. Netto shuddered in fear as Enzan continued:

"Forty-eight hours, until his power levels are slashed to half normal."

"But…but that's just two days!" Netto cried. "Isn't there a way to neutralize it sooner? A Smart-Mouse virus, perhaps?"

"Funny you should mention that," Enzan replied, suddenly perking up and turning to face his comrade. "A few associates of mine in Amerope have been researching a cure in response to this sudden outbreak. It's called the Chu Virus, or Ultimate Neko Counter, Mouse Virus. Princess Pride is now awaiting our authorization to use it."

"Wait…you know Princess Pride?" cried Netto, completely missing the point of Enzan's discussion.

"Netto, when you're the head of an international corporation spanning many countries, you can afford to know anybody. Now then, the Chu Virus hasn't been tested yet, but…since YOU'RE here…"

Enzan glanced at his partner, and Netto tilted his head before slapping his left fist into his right palm and deducting, "Oh, so you want ME to be the beta tester!"

"Are you up to the challenge?" Enzan asked his partner, an aura of uncertainty clouding his voice. "I should warn you that this is a highly experimental program."

"Anything to get the old Rockman back!" Netto cried. "I don't mind the fangirls, but I can't handle them!"

"Well then," Enzan replied as he guided Netto into a secret elevator hidden in his closet, "…follow me."

The elevator continued downwards into a top-secret laboratory in the bowels of the IPC building's basement. Enzan and Netto exited the elevator and found themselves in a vast warehouse-size research ground cluttered with robotic machinery, test tubes, and of course, computers. At that moment, a tall and very well-figured woman approached them and greeted Enzan with a courteous bow.

Enzan turned to Netto to explain: "Netto, allow me to introduce you to my head research scientist, Tron Bonne."

"Pleased to meet you…" Netto stammered with a flabbergasted expression washed over his face as he thought to himself, "HOMMINAHOMMINAHOMMINA…"

Tron guided them into a corner of the lab housing an immense sphere emanating with dazzling blue light, then turned back to Netto and Enzan to say, "This is a top secret Viral Extraction Temporal Reticular Arrary, also known as the VETRA. It's a cybernetic intelligence core developed with Amerope to counter virii worldwide. We shall have to test this on Rockman. Netto…it's not too late for you to change your mind. Do you withdraw from this test…or accept?"

"Like I have a choice…" Netto muttered before shouting, "Let's do it!"

Tron nodded as Enzan told his friend, "Place your PET into the PET Diagnosis Slot."

"What slot is that?" Netto asked, his eyes frantically glazing over VETRA's control console.

"The big one, labeled PET DIAGNOSIS SLOT."

Netto placed his PET into a large opening in the console with nervous apprehension of what would happen in the following moments. A few mechanical clicks and whirs later, his PET had retracted into the console as the sphere glowed with an emanating light, changing from blue to red as it targeted the Baka-Chibi-Neko virus strain within Rockman's body.

"Netto…" Rockman murmured with a shaky and nervous tone, "I…feel funny…"

"So…what happens now?" Netto asked with growing tension as he slowly turned to face Enzan and Tron, both of whom turned to face him and replied with an ominous cliffhanger:

"Now…we wait."

Rockman continued to feel funny as the VETRA continued to emit its eerie red light silently…

END PART XXIV


	25. Chapter 25: Lovely Adult Ringchan

PART XXV: LOVELY-LOVELY-CUTIE-HONEY ADULT RING-CHAN

Deep within the confines of IPC World Headquarters, the VETRA continued to glow with an ever-increasing array of crimson light as Netto watched, almost helplessly. His eyes moved frantically from screen to screen as his hands shook with ever-growing fear.

"What's going on?" Netto cried. "I…I can't see a thing in there! The screen's completely blacked out!"

"Not completely blank," Enzan replied, very matter-of-factly. "We can still see static."

"Like THAT will help anything at this point!" Netto screamed with a frosty glare directed at Enzan.

Tron sat at the one computer monitor that still portrayed something other than static, typing furiously at a keyboard on the control console. Turning to Netto, she said quite cautiously to avoid adding fuel to the fire, "The strain is continuing to evolve…Rockman is approaching the critical level. At this point, the virus is also getting harder for VETRA to decode."

"So what can we do?" yelled Netto as he tugged his hair furiously, to the point of risking premature baldness.

"We type…" Tron continued as she typed furiously, "…and we wait."

"In short, more of the same," Enzan replied mundanely, after which Netto sat down and pouted.

SNUGGLES DIAPERS, SECRET HEADQUARTERS OF THE NET SAVIORS…

Manabe paced nervously back and forth as she attempted to make some sense of the situation, and without much help either. Net Savior commander Kifune was being hospitalized for head injuries after banging his head on his desk multiple times in frustration. It made sense; after all, Tesla had called him…FAT. As for Meijin and Yuuichirou…they were on one week's paid vacation to Jawaii. Net Saviors have a job, but they were still entitled to perks. She cursed herself for allowing the Net Savior department to accept union rules.

The only other person in the room was her Intern Software Architect, an attractive yet innocent blonde named Casket, to whom Manabe gave a quick glance. Casket winked at her and gave her a thumbs-up, after which Manabe rolled her eyes and glanced away.

"Manabe," Casket said reassuringly, "we've just gotten word that the Baka-Chibi-Neko virus strain in Rockman is being diagnosed, with an experimental device called the VETRA."

"The Viral-Extractor-whatever?" Manabe perked up rather stupidly, her usual wit intelligence being understandably off-key this hectic afternoon. "But that's not due to enter production until 20XX+X! How did they get hold of such a thing?"

"Ebay," Enzan's voice replied through the Net Saviors' intercom system as a huge LCD display showed an up-close shot of his usual mundane expression. In the background, Manabe and Casket heard the frantic pulling of hair as Netto waited nervously.

"Enzan Ijuin…" Casket murmured. "Then that would mean, you have HER with you…"

"THAT'S RIGHT!" Tron yelled quite cockily. "It's been a long time, Casket!"

"Uuugggghhhhh…." Casket moaned while rolling her eyes, "Of all the possible candidates, why was someone as inept as YOU contracted onto the VETRA project?"

"Casket…" Tron huffed with her arms folded, "WHO beat you in our grade school's International Robotics Competition? WHO mutilated you on Battlebots? WHO beats you every day when we link up on Boktai?"

Casket pouted as she replied, "…You do."

"Who's your master? Go on, say it."

"I…will never…say it…" Casket pouted even more intensely as she stared at Tron with vicious, firey vengeance lighting her eyes.

"If you're quite done with your grudge talk…" Enzan huffed impatiently, "perhaps we can continue our talk of Adver Man."

And so Enzan spoke with Manabe as Tron and Casket took turns exchanging middle fingers, pulled-down eyebrows, and stuck-out tongues in a variety of innovative ways.

"We've just activated the VETRA," Enzan continued, "and we're waiting for the results."

"What's Rockman's status?" Manabe asked anxiously.

"We're waiting for it now. Tron has just entered the protocol to locate the virus, but strangely, as it expands through his body, it's getting increasingly hard to find."

"That's to be expected. However, Enzan, you'll have to work even harder, for we've just received word that Wily, Tesla, and Narcy Hide have teamed up to get the Baka-Chibi-Neko virus from you. They know where you are…and they are heading there now."

"Great, more bad news," Enzan murmured as he lowered his head and massaged his temples to cope with his newfound stress.

"Funny you should say that…" Casket replied with a raised eyebrow, "because now I've just received rumors that Kenishiro has hired a new subordinate named Mary Towa, who operates the Bishoujo Navi Ring-chan."

"ARRGGGHHH!" Enzan screamed while tearing at his own scalp, not a very reassuring sight for the already stressed Netto Hikari. As Tron and Casket continued to exchange middle fingers, Enzan attempted to remain calm as he asked Manabe: "We already know what Adver Man and Kenishiro are capable of, and it's really not much…but what about Ring-chan?"

"From our analysis, Ring-chan is a mysterious experimental Navi," Manabe responded while pointing upwards. "She is based on a code that allows her to change herself whenever she senses danger. We don't have much data on her yet…all we know from speculative rumors is that whenever Ring-chan is threatened, she transforms into a more mature adult version of herself with unknown power levels, known as Lovely-Lovely-Cutie-Honey Adult Ring."

"I wouldn't mind seeing that…" Netto thought to himself as he took a break from pulling his defenseless scalp.

"I see…" Enzan replied with his eyes closed. "Well then, keep me posted on any future events. We need to be prepared in case they attack…wait…what was that sound?"

AND THEN, BACK AT IPC…

As if by cue, Wily, Tesla, and Narcy rushed into the laboratory and simultaneously shouted, "STOP! You can't destroy the virus!"

"…Er…and why not?" muttered Tron.

"I need it to attract men!" Tesla cried desperately. "I'm attractive enough, granted…"

Wily, Narcy, Tron, Netto, and Enzan rolled their collective eyes.

"…but I still need it," Tesla continued, "and I ALWAYS get what I want!"

"I need it to make Videoman look cute enough to attract fangirls, so that my pink bunny movies are more popular among the masses!" Narcy squealed as he made a limp motion with his wrist.

"I need it to…to…" Wily started before scratching his chin. "Come to think of it…why do I need it? Oh well, evil occurs for no particular reason this time."

"I'm going to get rid of it once and for all!" Netto cried. "It's already caused too much trouble! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't!"

"WE need it!" cried Narcy, Tesla, and Wily in pathetic pleading tones.

Netto stood in stalwart defiance as the three despicable villains knelt before him as if he were the master of the universe. The whole situation represented a Jerry Springer episode about to get violent, but fortunately, Netto knew better; he struck a deal with them.

"Okay," he responded as he rubbed his chin, "I'll isolate the virus into a disk and burn copies for all of you. What do you think about that?"

The three villains shrugged and nodded, and Enzan had to admit he was impressed with his partner's skills of improvisation. However, they were not the only ones Netto and Enzan had to worry about…

"ENTER CUTIE BISHOUJO NAVI RING-CHAN!" squealed a childlike female voice as a young female Navi dressed in a VERY revealing body glove-like outfit entered into the IPC's network. Staring at Rockman's body encapsulated in a glowing aura of red light, she cried in awe, "Oooohhhh! Pretty colors!"

"And just who are you?" Netto asked as Enzan looked at him disappointedly. She had, after all, just said who she was.

"Bishoujo Navi Ring-chan!" Ring squealed happily as she did a little dance. "And I'm here because Kenishiro told me to DESTROY YOU ALL!" Pointing to Narcy, Tesla, and Wily, she continued, "And that goes for you too! Heehee!"

Wily, Tesla, Narcy, Netto, Enzan, and Tron looked at Ring. They looked at each other. And then, all six of them burst into raucous, hilarious laughter.

"Stop it!" Ring-chan cried as she pouted quite cutely. "You're gonna make me cry!"

"Non, madame Ring-chan…" Mary's voice echoed over the intercom, "…we have to stop this foolishness! We must dispose of les monsieurs Netto and Enzan and les miserables Wily, Tesla and Narcy NOW!"

"Well…okay," Ring-chan pouted as she spread her arms and shouted, "Ring-chan…TRANSFORM!"

"Oh…no…" murmured Enzan, "…the true power manifests itself now…"

"You mean…her ADULT form…" Netto replied with a shaken voice, mostly in fear that he would get whooped, but also out of anxious wonderment of how Adult Ring-chan would look.

A brilliant pink light surrounded Ring-chan as she ascended into the air. The aura completely enveloping her body, her figure could be seen gradually materializing into a full-bodied, mature female figure. The aura cleared and a very different Ring-chan had been revealed, one with a fully matured middle-age female body and a deeper, more secuctive voice. Surely this was Ring's ultimate power! She shouted with determination as the aura cleared: "THE LOVELY-LOVELY-CUTIE-HONEY ADULT RING!"

"Have at you, monsieurs and mademoiselles," Mary said with an evil but oddly cute grin adorning her face. "I leave you in Ring's hands for now. Although I barely know any of you, I wish you…au revoir."

"Er…all she did was get older…" Enzan muttered with a raised eyebrow.

"Enzan…" Blues uttered with a horrified expression, "…look at her power levels now!"

"Wha-HOLY…They're off the freakin' charts!" Enzan screamed as his face grew pale.

"But she is cute, though," Netto said while scratching his chin, his nose bleeding profusely.

"I don't care how cute she is!" Narcy screamed as Tesla and Wily looked at him with raised eyebrows. "Videoman! Plug In!"

"A Navi can never be as beautiful as me!" Tesla screamed, after which Wily and Narcy rolled their eyes. "Magnetman! Plug In!"

As for Wily, he simply sat this battle out to stare at Adult Ring, nose bleeding like a fountain.

"I may as well join in this for the heck of it," Enzan shrugged. "Get ready for combat, Blues! We'll have to defend VETRA's core against Adult Ring!"

"Understood, Enzan-sama," Blues nodded as he got into a cool battle pose.

"Rockman! Plug in…oh, never mind," Netto muttered as he realized that Rockman was in no condition to help, not while he was being cured from a chibified Neko body and a helmet upside-down on his head.

"I'll assist, Enzan," Tron said with a wink, after which Enzan blushed. "Tiesel! Plug In!"

"Oh no ya don't," Casket shouted, "…I'll prove that I can fight way better than you can, Tron! That said…Volnutt! Plug In!"

Tiesel, a large Navi with green Gundam-like armor, wavy gray hair, and a major attitude problem appeared to Blues' left. Volnutt, another blue-armored Gundam-like Navi with a head and helmet bearing an extremely close resemblance to Rockman, appeared to Blues' right. Behind Blues' back, both of them exchanged middle fingers at each other.

"I can see what you're doing back there…" Blues thought as he slapped his forehead, on which a huge sweat drop already made its way down.

"All right…" Adult Ring grinned devilishly, "…let's get started, shall we? ADULT RING ATTACK: CLUSTER RING BOMBER!"

With this, she leapt into the air and unleashed a furious storm of thousands of rings that exploded violently when they made impact with the ground. Everyone present stepped back in awe as their Navis attempted in vain to frantically dodge the deadly rain of ring bombs, and when it was all over, every square inch of ground had been scarred and every Navi caught in the blast had been incinerated to within an inch of death.

"Multiple effect…Full Recovery, Slot In!" Tron cried as she slotted in a Full Recovery Giga Class chip and a Multiple Effect chip, resulting in all Navis being healed to full recovery. Alas, so was Adult Ring, who actually was never harmed to begin with.

"We're going to have to retreat for now!" Narcy growled disappointedly. "Videoman…jack out."

"Agreed," Tesla growled. "Better to be alive in defeat than to be dead in victory."

"But we didn't even DO anything yet!" Magnetman and Videoman shouted in a rather disappointed tone as both of them logged out. With that, Tesla and Narcy rushed out of the building, but then came back to pick up a very excited Wily, staring at Adult Ring with his nose bleeding with the full fury of a waterfall.

"With all three of them disposed of," Adult Ring said ominously as she turned to face Blues, Tiesel, and Volnutt, "I'll just have to get rid of the three remaining before me!"

"Very well," Tiesel shouted while picking his nose, "youse gonna die now!"

Witnessing this vulgar display, Enzan looked at Tiesel in disgust, then back at Tron, who shrugged obliviously; obviously, Tiesel's vulgar mannerisms were a mystery to all.

"Hah, I'm the only one who's going to destroy her, Tiesel!" Volnutt replied in a cocky tone. "Hey…where'd the other guy go?"

Blues had obviously remembered what was really important here, and began rushing to attack Ring. Tiesel and Volnutt followed closely behind…of course, after taking a moment to get with the program.

"All of you attacking me at once?" Adult Ring moaned. "This is hardly fair…Ring Buster!"

With that, she transformed her right hand into a sleek golden buster reminiscent of a weapon out of a 50's science fiction movie, firing an immensely powerful blast at Tiesel, who attempted to dodge in vain. Fortunately, the blast made contact with only half its full force, but alas, Tiesel was now left without his arms or his left leg.

"Aw crap," Tiesel muttered as he attempted to pick his nose with his left foot, which, without the rest of his appendages, was quite taxing.

"NOW it's fair!" Ring shouted. "Well, then, shall we begin, Little Red and Big Blue?"

"This is…completely overwhelming," Netto murmured in complete awe and horror as his body grew limp.

"So this is the power of Adult Ring-chan…" Tron moaned. "Enzan…what do you suggest we do now?"

"Prepare yourselves," Enzan hissed between clenched teeth as he lowered his head and narrowed his eyes in a manner foretelling imminent doom.

"This may be our last battle."

END PART XXV


	26. Chapter 26: Mission Implausible

PART XXVI: MISSION IMPLAUSIBLE

"What's the matter?" Lovely-Lovely-Cutie-Honey Adult Ring-chan shouted impatiently. "You've been staring at me for twenty minutes!"

"J-just give us a minute…" Volnutt murmured as he attempted in vain to plug his furiously bleeding nose.

"You're pathetic," Blues groaned, although, in all honesty, said pathetic-ness could not be helped considering the circumstances.

"If you're not going to attack ME…" Adult Ring hissed, "…then I will attack YOU! Program Advance…FURIOUS RING SWORD!"

"No! Waitaminnit!" shouted Volnutt pathetically.

Ring's body glowed an intense gold as a huge glowing sword manifested before her. The tremendous blade grew in size at an alarming rate, ascending its bulk into the heavens as Blues and Volnutt looked on in awe. For once, it seemed that Ring would have the last laugh as the Furious Ring Sword continued to grow.

THREE MINUTES LATER…

Enzan was already thumbing through Guns and Ammo, a copy that Laika had already given to him once he finished reading it. Tron gave her nails a thorough manicure as Casket continued to casually sneak middle fingers at her. Manabe was busy filing her own nails while heating her newly dyed hair. Blues and Volnutt tapped their feet impatiently, wishing they had watches to glance at, so they had some idea that time was passing normally. As for Netto Hikari, he was practically the only one still interested in this fight.

"Come on…get to full size already…" groaned Ring impatiently between clenched teeth as the Furious Ring Sword continued to expand.

"Will you HURRY IT UP ALREADY?" screamed Blues. "I know the delay is useful for Rockman, but my legs are aching here!"

"SHUT UP!" Adult Ring screamed. "It's almost full size already!"

"Ugghhhh…I can't go on like this…" Volnutt muttered as he paced around anxiously. "Can't she just attack us already?"

"FINALLY!" Ring shouted as the sword reached its tremendous size, by which point the peak of its blade was literally touching the sky.

"…Finally," everyone else moaned in unison.

"Now, Program Advance Execute!" cried Adult Ring as she reached towards the sky with both her arms, then brought them down in a single wave. The sword descended from the heavens at a frightening speed, then crashed on the ground with the full force of a subatomic explosion. Chunks of terrain flew everywhere and in the real world, Enzan, Tron, Netto, Manabe, and Casket were completely blinded by the intense light the attack generated. When the light cleared, Adult Ring looked before her and all she saw was a vast wasteland of destruction.

"Hah…" she panted exhaustedly, "…my work here is done!"

Enzan should have felt tragically sad, but all he reacted with was a sweat-drop on his forehead. "Umm…Ring…" he muttered, pointing behind Ring's back.

"Don't try to distract me, human, for you have already lost!" Ring cackled…until suddenly, she felt a tap on her shoulder, followed by a voice sounding very much like Blues, muttering, "Excuse me…are you quite finished?"

"You had better not be…" Ring murmured as she turned around, then stepped back in shock as Blues and Volnutt stood before her, tapping their feet.

"HOW DID YOU ESCAPE MY SWORD?" Ring screamed.

"Uh…it wasn't that hard…" Blues grunted while rubbing the back of his head. "You were only waving it downward in one direction, so we pretty much just moved around to your back. Even Netto or Rockman would have figured that one out…"

"Argh!" shouted Adult Ring as she tugged at her multi-ringed ponytails. "Well then…I see I at least got someone, so please tell me…who is THAT?"

With that, she pointed at the body of Rockman, lying smack in the middle of the blast, his body charred as his eyes were twisted into cute little spirals and drool flowed from his mouth. About the only thing going for him was that he was no longer a Chibi Neko, and his helmet was now right-side up on his head.

"I just get cured of a killer virus…" he huffed as he struggled to bring himself to stand up straight, "…and THIS IS HOW YOU ALL GREET ME?"

"What just happened here?" Enzan murmured as he looked at Tron expectingly as she replied, "The virus must have dissipated, dispersing Rockman's body into the Internet…"

"…AND RIGHT INTO THAT DAMN SWORD!" screamed Netto.

"It appears that attack alone wasn't nearly enough to defeat you!" Ring hissed with a sadistic grin that was so completely unlike her usual offbeat childish self. "And so I shall use the technique again…FURIOUS RING SWORD!"

"NOT AGAIN!" cried everyone simultaneously.

"And this time," Ring continued, "I shall make it ten times more powerful!"

"No!" screamed Rockman.

"No…" groaned Blues and Volnutt.

Adult Ring manifested another of her Furious Swords in her hands until suddenly, she reverted back into teeny, cute Bishoujo Navi Ring-chan as Rockman and Blues suddenly wore those cute little puzzled expressions, what with their heads tilted and eyes transformed into little dots and whatnot.

"The sheer stress of such a technique must have been too much even for her Adult Form!" Chibi Neko Slur stated as she manifested into the IPC network. "She reminds me of a Toys R Us Kid!"

"Flussshhhh…BLLLEEEEAAAAHHHHH!" squealed Aquaman as he did the usual.

"It's Slur and Aquaman!" Netto cried, making an obvious observation.

"WELL DUH!" shouted Enzan, providing an obvious response.

"We've come to get rid of the Chibi Neko for good," Slur sighed in relief. "This reminds me of…er…buying new firewall software, I suppose."

"Just in time," Enzan replied, smiling in relief that support had arrived. "Tron, run a diagnostic on Slur and Aquaman."

"Initiating now!" Tron replied as she typed into her keyboard furiously.

"Who are you people?" Ring asked cutely as she tilted her head.

"Are you (blanking) serious?" Blues muttered beneath his breath.

"Dude, we just tried to kill you a second ago…" Volnutt started before stopping himself to think his comment over.

"Wanna play a game of Tag?" Ring asked as she jumped up and down with her elbows cringed in front of her like a bunny rabbit.

"Are you (blanking) serious?" Netto and Enzan muttered beneath THEIR breath.

"TAG! I WANNA PLAY!" shouted Volnutt. Tron looked at Casket, who shrugged…and then snuck in another middle finger, thus continuing the vicious cycle.

"Yay, I'm it!" shouted Ring as she transformed her right arm into a Long Sword. Sweat drops manifested on the heads of Blues and Volnutt as they stared at Ring, then at each other.

"What do you propose we do?" Volnutt murmured.

"The only thing we can do in a situation like this," Blues replied, stepping forward. "Since time immemorial, it has been up to the Net Saviors to uphold peace in the digital realm. That said…"

Ring suddenly waved her sword, creating an energy wave that destroyed absolutely everything within a ten-foot radius. Blues suddenly seemed rather unsure of what he said before, when in stepped Volnutt to attempt in vain to reassure him.

"I'm with you, Blues!" shouted Volnutt as he stepped forward. "Let's beat her!"

"Who's trying to beat her?" Blues asked frantically. "RUN LIKE HELL!"

"Right there with ya!" Volnutt replied happily as the two of them sped away with flaming trails and a very gleefully destructive Ring in their wake.

"Ooookaaayyyyy…" Tron muttered as she continued to type furiously, taking in the whole humorous yet desperate nature of the situation. Turning to Enzan, she stated very matter-of-factly: "Diagnosis complete."

"Already?" Netto responded, somewhat surprised yet happy that Slur and Aquaman were returned to normal. "Well then! Rockman, back up Slur!"

"What the (blank) makes you think I'm fit to do that now?" Rockman cried, pointing at his hopelessly damaged body. He had, after all, taken the full brunt of the Furious Ring Sword.

"Er…forget that!" Netto replied. "Slur, back us up!"

"I suppose," she responded, getting into a battle ready pose. Glancing over at Ring, she said, "Hmm. For once, I am glad not to be reminded of anything."

"As for you Aquaman…er…" Enzan said to Aquaman as he took a long, hard look at the tiny Navi's body, "…stay there and shake your head! It's not as enjoyable as flushing but it'll be far easier on your stomach!"

"I'll do that! Wheee!" shouted Aquaman as he twisted himself around in circles, than barfed out of dizziness.

"If you're quite done," Ring squealed angrily, "Minion of Evil standing right here!"

"Right then, prepare to get PWNED!" Netto screamed.

"Pwned?" Enzan and Tron muttered to themselves…and shuddered.

"Aww, this isn't fair!" cried Ring as she pouted helplessly. "All of you ganging up on me in tag isn't fun at all! Oh wait…I'm the one who's IT! Well then…"

Slur stood right smack dab in front of Ring and folded her arms as she glared down at the little yellow Navi, who met her gaze with a helpless, almost puppy-dog face as she grunted:

"JUST TRY IT."

Knowing that discretion was the better part of valor, Ring logged out.

"Not much for power, she was," Enzan said as he raised his eyebrow.

"Ring, Ultimate Minion of Evil? Yeah right," Netto murmured. "Only thing powerful…or sexy…about her was her Adult Form."

"Never mind that," Slur replied as she closed her eyes. "Now what do we do about Adver Man?"

"There's only one place we can go to get information…and dinner, come to think of it," Netto replied as he pointed upwards randomly. "That place is the finest five-star restaurant I know of in town! The world's tastiest food! A world-class dining establishment of the highest echelon of quality and palette! And that place is…"

MAHA ICHIBAN CURRY RESTAURANT…

"Seven orders of Extra Spicy House Special!" Netto cried as he, Meiru, Yaito, Enzan, Tron, Shuuko, and Yuuochirou sat down to eat.

"What a nice boy," Tron said softly while smiling politely, "being so courteous as to order for all of us!"

Then, just as he had started to show a shred of dining decency, Netto turned back to the others and said with a grin and thumb-up, "Well. That's MY share! You guys can order now!"

And then everyone fell over anime-style. Netto sat down at the biggest table available, clearing away practically everything so that his ungodly share of food could fit.

"You know, Netto," Yuuichirou murmured as Netto sat with his fork and knife eagerly awaiting their use, "you really should consider eating something else. You'll have health problems in your old age if all you eat is curry."

"Granted, he does have a youthful metabolism," Meiru said quietly, "but still…"

"He should take advantage of it!" Yaito shouted as she pointed upward. "If he worries about it now he'll worry about it two to three more times when he gets older."

"I suppose the others are right," Yuuichirou sighed. "There's always the gym."

Netto shuddered as Enzan smirked. By this time, their food had arrived and it was time to eat. Everyone had to practically shout at the top of their lungs to reach Netto's ears over his vast, expansive valley of food.

"Compiling the data from Adver Man, we've found out that he has his command code encrypted in a satellite system deep in outer space," Tron said, getting straight down to business. "Adver Man's code is hidden in this strange-looking satellite, supposedly constructed a year or two ago by an underground criminal network."

With this, she pulled out a photo of a weird yet oddly adorable satellite resembling Adver Man's head, staring down at the Earth. Meiru and Yaito squealed like fangirls, Enzan raised his eyebrows, and Yuuichirou gazed at it with a horrified expression. As for Netto, he smirked a little, then continued his assault on a lone, defenseless pile of curry.

"So can't Duo simply destroy it?" Enzan asked quite the obvious.

"That's a negative," Yuuichirou Hikari replied while closing his eyes and shaking his head, affirming that it was indeed a negative. "We tested that thesis already. Duo's orbit is on the other side of the Earth, and moves on the same axis as the satellite, although slightly faster. At this rate, it will take him an entire month to get within destruction range of the satellite, by which time Adver Man will have caused more than enough destruction to annoy the entire world."

Netto turned up from his continually disappearing pile of curry to ask the next logically following question: "So how in the world do you propose we get rid of this satellite?"

"One team has to destroy it manually, while another team takes care of Adver Man here on Earth. We have to distract him long enough to destroy the satellite core. There is an old shuttle we can use to get to the satellite while the second team has to engage Adver Man so that he doesn't know of our plot."

"Who will be on which team?" Shuuko asked, leaning forward with interest.

"I've made the teams according to your capabilities and how you can attack. The first team is based on strategy, and will fly to the satellite in order to destroy it. That first team is Netto, Yaito, and Shuuko."

"Figured he'd team ME up with two girls…" Netto thought to himself. "He's been begging me to find a girlfriend nowadays…something about wanting grandkids…"

"Funny, all our names end with O!" Yait-O thought to herself while grinning adorably. "Lots of possibilities for name games here!"

"As for you, Enzan, Tron, and Meiru," Yuuichirou continued to the others, "you will go to America and meet up with Kristen again to engage Adver Man and find out exactly what he's up to."

"K-Kristen…" Enzan murmured while shuddering. "I do hope she's not in another of her wild mood swings again…"

"Why is he teaming us up two girls to one boy, and why is it that I can't even team up with Netto? Is it because my name doesn't end in O?" thought Meir-U.

Their dinners complete (and most impressively, Netto's dinner was also finished), all seven heroes stood up and faced each other.

"Until we meet again," Yuuichirou said with newfound determination.

"To outer space!" cried Netto, Shuuko, and Yaito.

"To…somewhere else!" shouted Yuuichirou, Enzan, Meiru, and Tron.

"But first…" everyone screamed frantically, "…TO THE BATHROOM!"

Hearing these words, the former members of the World Three shuddered and regretted having added so much Extra Spicy into their House Special recipe.

END PART XXVI


	27. Chapter 27: Reaching for the Sky

CHAPTER XXVII: REACHING FOR THE SKY

U.S.S. ESSESS MAIN COMMAND DECK

"We've got word that the President has authorized a Code Orange alert," a commanding lieutenant. "Standing by to initiate Gamma 12 protocol."

"What is Gamma 12, exactly?" General Specific asked quizzically as he raised his right eyebrow.

"We're about to find out, I guess," the lieutenant shrugged.

"We're in over our heads this time," Specific muttered. "And now even NASA has gotten involved with this Adver Man deal. Somehow I get the feeling that none of this is going to end well…and WHY am I always the last to know about these things?"

"Sir? We're in the most isolated place on Earth. Fifteen thousand feet below surface level. We're the last in the military to know ANYTHING."

"That said," Specific murmured, "we still have a few days until Adver Man's satellite enters our orbit."

"What will happen once it activates, General?"

"Total system meltdown," Specific grunted. "Every television in the world will broadcast nothing but ads. All posts in forums on the Web will be rendered into advertising spam. All Navis will only say messages related to ad campaigns. Based on the satellite's current path of orbit, we can expect a total takeover by Adver Man…"

Specific glanced at his watch, shuddered with fear, then continued ominously:

"…within the next 48 hours."

A NASA OUTPOST IN CENTRAL AMEROPE…

"Netto Hikari, here to see Commanding General Broad!" Netto stated very matter-of-factly as he, Shuuko, and Yaito rode an autopiloted military jeep up to the security station.

"Netto Hikari, Huuko Kido, and Yaito…er…I missed your last name," the officer replied. "We've been expecting you all. Please drive about three miles over that mountain and make a right turn at that crevice. Don't program the jeep to make a left turn once you get to the valley."

"What's so dangerous about that left turn?" Shuuko asked with a puzzled expression.

"That's the town of Albuquerque. Have you ever heard of Bugs Bunny?"

"Er…okay," Yaito murmured. "Let's go already. We've got a shuttle to catch."

"Understood," the guard replied. "Take these ID placards. You'll be granted Level Three security clearance to access the shuttle bays and pilot the U.S.A. Euwessae."

"Gotcha," Netto replied with a weird grin and a formal military salute.

"If you don't want to be escorted to customs," the guard continued with an annoyed glare, "you won't do that again."

"Roger," Netto replied with the same weird grin.

The guard sighed, opened the security gate, and the gang continued on their way. The jeep rattled along the desolate landscape of Amerope before grinding to a screeching halt in a small crevice just beyond a mountain range.

"What's going on?" Netto wondered aloud.

"We're supposed to wait around for something, I heard," Yaito replied, sitting back and relaxing to do just that.

Suddenly, a loud hiss emitted from the jeep's intercom and a soft, sultry female voice said, "Please state your identities and show your placards."

"Ack!" cried Netto. "The jeep…it TALKED! WTF?"

"What the (blank) does not comply," the voice replied. "Please state your identities and show your placards."

"That must be the NASA security checkpoint," Shuuko said as she leaned forward to show her placard and state her identity, stating, "Shuuko Kido. Civilian Net Battler and newly inducted Net Savior."

"Shuuko Kido confirmed. Guest Two of Three, please show identity and placard."

"Yaito! Daughter of Gabcom's CEO!" Yaito stated as she revealed her identity card.

"Yaito confirmed. Guest Three of Three, er, you do the same."

"Netto Hikari! Net Savior! Er…that's about it, really," Netto shrugged.

"Three registered guests, Security Clearance Level Three confirmed," the checkpoint system replied. "You are now cleared to proceed to U.S.A. Euwessae launch deck."

"What happens now?" Shuuko asked as she looked around impatiently…then looked ahead in awe as a huge section of mountain peeled away, revealing a vast, brightly lit hangar bay and rocket launcher deck, housing the most advanced rocket shuttle that Netto had ever seen in his life.

"That was SO COOL!" Netto screamed at the top of his lungs as he leaned forward in the jeep, shouting, "Again! Again!"

"Again request processed," the system responded as the mountain sealed itself up, then opened again as Netto looked on in awe.

"Ooohhh," Netto whispered in wonderment as Shuuko and Yaito cried, "Again!"

"Request negative. Enter the damned door," the system replied, more than somewhat irritated.

The jeep peeled out, jerking Netto, Yaito, and Shuuko back in their seats, racing toward the rocket launching deck.

CALIFORNIA'S WESTERN COAST, ELSEWHERE IN AMEROPE…

"I see you're wearing actual clothes this time," Enzan murmured as Kristen greeted them in jeans and a hooded sweatshirt.

"Hello to you too!" Kristen huffed. "You think I wear that because I like to? It's a sponsor outfit! I'm forced to wear it when I skate!"

"Who is this girl?" Meiru whispered to Tron.

"From what he has told me, he calls her his fiancée," Tron whispered back.

"Believe me, it shows."

Kristen escorted them inside her father's new business, a skateboard shop he had opened with the funds from sponsors Kristen had attracted. Enzan looked around at the impressively lit display of top-notch equipment and gave a low whistle. In the corner, Kristen's father had set up a small table where the four sat down to discuss the plan of action.

"So what do all of you have so far?" Kristen asked, quite matter-of-factly.

"We're still trying to figure out Adver Man's location," Enzan murmured as he shook his head in disappointment. "How to deal with him once we do find him, we seem to have a few leads, but we don't have a set strategy yet."

"Concerning Adver Man and Kenishiro, the operator's intelligence is only average, at most," Tron said while scratching her chin. "So then the Navi itself may be the biggest threat to our success."

"That we got from when Netto battled Kenishiro equally at Densan City Middle School's abandoned gym," Meiru continued as she pointed upwards. "As for Adver Man, we still need to figure out exactly what his weak points are."

"Leave that one to me!" Kristen replied. "It turns out that Adver Man's satellite is his base of operations for transmitting ads. We've gotten several leads on how to destroy it, but it turns out the satellite is directly linked to Adver Man himself."

"So you're essentially saying his mind is fused with his command satellite," Enzan replied, "and that destroying the satellite will also mean the end of Adver Man himself."

"Precisely," Kristen replied. "Man, I'm smart."

Tron continued, "So Adver Man may be helpless to stop us in space, but he's still powerful in the Internet realm. Destroying him completely is out of the question, not while his satellite is still in orbit. So all we have to do is distract him long enough in order for us to destroy his satellite. We're just going to have to wait for the right opportunity."

"And that means…" Meiru said unsurely, "that we have to distract Kenishiro and Adver Man long enough for Netto, Shuuko, and Yaito to dismantle the command satellite orbiting outer space."

"I wonder…why is our team composed primarily of attacker types, whereas Netto's team is based on strategic tactics?" Kristen pondered aloud.

"That is because…" Laika said as he entered the room, "…we're the ones who have to stop Adver Man in case he catches onto our plan and starts to move against us before the satellite is destroyed. And by the way, nice shop Kristen."

"Thanks!" Kristen replied with a cute grin and peace sign. "I'm sure you all know Laika and Searchman.exe by now. He came here because…er…he said something about Japan's Net Saviors not being able to handle conflicts on their own."

"Still the same old guy," Enzan sighed under his breath. "So, then. What has your division discussed, Laika?"

"Everything you just said," he replied. "To repeat it now would be incredibly and hopelessly redundant."

"So I see," Kristen replied. "All we have to do now is find out about Adver Man's whereabouts."

"Already taken care of," Laika replied, looking off to one side as he continued, "Apparently he has been attempting to infect networks in the western Ameropean area in San Constantinople."

"The hottest tourist destination in Amerope?" Kristen popped up enthusiastically. "How convenient…after we beat him, let's go back for a long vacation!"

"Much agreed," Laika nodded, making what would actually be made out to be a pleasurable grin.

"So…what was the purpose of this meeting to find out what we're doing," Enzan asked as he raised his hand, "when we all know what we're doing already, apparently?"

"I don't know about the rest of you," Laika replied, "but I came for a cold soda."

"Hear, hear!" the others cried as Kristen prepared root beer floats for everyone present.

NASA OUTPOST LAUNCHING DECK, INSIDE THE U.S.A. EUWESSAE…

"We've got a lock on destination!" Yaito called. "Setting autopilot coordinates!"

"Configuring all launch settings to immediate go!" Shuuko shouted.

"Activating all Whatchamacallits and pushing all Whateverwhatnots!" Netto called as Yaito and Shuuko rolled their eyes.

"We are go for launch," a NASA official stated. "We are now initiating final liftoff protocol checks."

"Roger that command, reading you loud and clear," Netto responded while nodding his consent.

"ARP!" the official shouted, beginning the final device checks for liftoff.

"Check!" Yaito called.

"XTC!"

"Check!" Shuuko called.

"KFC?" Netto asked with a puzzled expression as he took out a bucket of fried chicken he kept in case they had no in-flight meals.

"LAR!" the official continued.

"Check!" called Yaito.

"AT&T!" Netto screamed.

"VRA!"

"Check!" Shuuko replied.

"BMW!" Netto shouted. "DMV! N2O! VGR!"

"Are those even official systems?" the official asked with a raised eyebrow. "Please make sure you have them if they are…I don't know what else to say."

"Er…check, I guess," Yaito murmured as she shrugged and rolled her eyes disappointedly.

"We are go for final launch sequence!" the official shouted. "Activate boosters and prepare for final countdown!"

"Oh please oh please Mom, don't let me wet my pants this time…" Netto muttered as he cringed in fear. Yaito and Shuuko looked at Netto, then at each other, and backed as far away from Netto as they could.

"Initiating final countdown! Ten, nine, eight, seven…"

The booster rockets ignited with a brilliant orange blaze, hurdling a vast expanse of smoke across the desolate desert valley landscape.

"Six…five…four…three…"

Netto tightly gripped the armrests of the Euwessae's bucket seat as Yaito and Shuuko waited patiently yet anxiously to be blasted into the heavens beyond.

"Two…one…ZERO!"

The rocket shuttle began its frightfully rapid ascent from its landing bay into the endless blackness of space as the thrust of its boosters emanated a daylight glow over the now picturesque horizon, illuminated by its light, all the while Netto screaming his final words in Earth's atmosphere at the top of his lungs:

"HAAAAPPPPYYY NNEEEEWWWW YYYEEEAAARRR!"

END PART 27


	28. Chapter 28: Bad Moon Rising

PART XXVIII: BAD MOON RISING

EARTH'S UPPER ATMOSPHERE…

The U.S.A. Euwessae continued its ascent into outer space, piercing through the Earth's atmosphere like a hot knife through a warm slab of low-fat margarine.

"All launch sequences are complete and we are ready to initiate first dropoff sequence!" Shuuko called as the shuttle continued its meteoric rise. "Preparing for zero gravity!"

"Roger that," Yaito responded as she pressed a myriad of buttons on the Euwessae's central control console. "Initiating internal atmospheric optimization and preparing for booster dropoff!"

And Netto shouted as he toyed around with another very different electronic device: "Opening Item Selection Menu and selecting Master Poke-Ball! Now preparing to catch Mewtwo to gain data for all 151 Pokemon!"

The official turned back to a commanding general and whispered, "Catching Mewtwo? Is that phrase even coded in our book, General Broad?"

General Broad scratched his chin and replied, "No, but that boy has made it so. Now you know why we contracted someone like him for this mission…he's an absolute GENIUS!"

Yaito and Shuuko, upon overhearing this, rolled their eyes and shook their heads. Although, at that moment, they had to admit to being rather impressed that Netto had managed to catch all 151 Pokemon. However, he WAS playing the oldest possible version; didn't the newer games contain at least 250? Oh well. Soon Adver Man would be stopped and he would have all the time in the world to realize his need to update to Emerald Version.

The Euwessae dropped its boosters with a deafening hiss and mechanical thud, then began to slow gradually as it left the Earth's atmosphere…and soon Yaito, Shuuko, and Netto were staring into a dark veil of obscurity with a myriad of shining stars being the only clue to any sign of beauty in this vast vacuum that was outer space.

"Wow, it's so beautiful," Yaito murmured in awe.

"I…I second that…" Shuuko continued.

"Heck yeah!" Netto shouted. "It's like night! Only it's everywhere!"

"Initiating second and final dropoff!" Yaito called. "Booster fuel tank is empty and ready to drop! Beginning sequence…NOW!"

With a jarring shudder that shook the entire shuttle, the booster fuel tank detached itself from the Euwessae's fuselage and disappeared into who knows where.

"Second dropoff sequence complete!" called Shuuko. "Securing in and preparing for full thrust ahead!"

"Roger that!" Netto called. "Operation Mewtwo Capture complete! All 151 Pokemon have now been caught! Proceeding to Indigo Plateau to challenge the Elite Four and main rival Gary Oak, Son of the Professor himself! Booy'all!"

"Honestly, Netto, why are you playing that now?" Yaito asked as she turned toward her boredom-challenged comrade.

"It's a long flight," Netto shrugged. "What else did you expect me to do?"

"Anyway, Central Command, we're strapped in and ready!" Yaito replied as she shook her head in a manner that one could interpret as Whatever. "Begin full thrust on autopilot! Course set for Adver Man's low orbit satellite, Objective Phoenix!"

General Broad raised his eyebrow and turned to another official, saying in a puzzled manner, "Objective…Phoenix? We never mentioned that code name during the mission briefing."

"They must have come up with it on their own," the official shrugged in response. "Kids these days like to play pretend…only in this case, it's for real. Objective Phoenix…you have to admit, it's creative."

Broad sighed as he turned back toward the main screen in NASA's command center and muttered to himself, "…And this is why we have so many communication problems in the military."

The Euwessae's thrusters suddenly belched forth a splendid display of blue flame as the shuttle prepared its slingshot orbit around Earth's stratosphere. Netto, Shuuko, and Yaito were slammed back into their bucket seats from the sheer inertial force of being hurtled so suddenly into a furious rush, with images of Adver Man's defeat and beating the Elite Four on Indigo Plateau burning brightly in their heads.

SAN CONSTANTINOPLE, OFF THE FAR WESTERN COAST OF AMEROPE…

"Ah, the Ameropean sunshine!" Kristen said softly as she let the warmth of the sun caress her face.

"Ah, the Ameropean beaches!" Meiru said, gazing out towards the white sandy expanse and subtly crashing waves that greeted them.

"Ah, the Ameropean weaponry," Laika said quite matter-of-factly as his gaze fixated on the wide array of shotguns at grand opening sale prices in a nearby hunting store.

"Ah, the Ameropean men," Tron sighed as she gazed longingly at the many muscular male bodies traversing the white sands, playing volleyball, working out, and other such whatnots that muscular men do at the beach.

"Hey! The Ameropean mission!" shouted Enzan, getting everyone back on track. "It's up to us to find Adver Man and destroy him…"

He continued as he looked down at his body and realized he was wearing nothing but slippers and his swimming shorts: "…and why in the world are we dressed in our swimwear?"

"This is San Constantinople, a world tourism hot spot!" Tron replied, shrugging somewhat obliviously. "Why in the world not dress appropriately?"

"Ahem…that said, we're here on business, then perhaps pleasure," Enzan coughed as he cleared his throat. "Where are we going to access a network suitable enough to allow us to find him anyway?"

"Leave that to me!" Tron replied as she dragged an aluminum roller suitcase into the full view of the others. "This case houses an experimental mobile network antenna array, equipped with high-efficiency, state-of-the-art solar energy cells. It will allow us access to most networks in Amerope. It also has a new experimental code called Unlimited Administration, which will then give us immediate and uninterrupted Admin status in any network."

"That's pretty cool," Laika replied with both eyebrows raised in inspirational awe, "…but why bring such a thing here?"

"The beach is the perfect place to test this out!" Tron replied. The warmth of the sun will provide us with enough energy to power this high-efficiency device for at least a week on end! Man, I'm smart!"

"But you mostly just wanted to surf the Web with free and unlimited Internet access at the beach, right?" Meiru and Kristen asked with their eyebrows raised as if to question Tron's authority. Kristen thought to herself, "…And that thing about being smart…I'm the only one who can say that…"

"A genius does not lie," Tron replied. "That said…YES."

"Tron?" Enzan asked with his arms folded.

"Yes, Enzan-sama?"

Tron was expecting to be reprimanded for her desires of beachside amusement, when everyone suddenly flashed her a thumbs-up sign and shouted: "…YOU ROCK!"

"Heehee," Tron replied as she opened the suitcase, revealing a compact array of solar panels and antennae. After she pushed a small red button on a small console in the case, the antennae grew to about waist height and the array of solar panels protruded outwards to an angle at which they could best capture the sun's rays.

"Now that this is done," Tron continued while pointing at a circular red PET infra-red transmitter mounted at the antenna's base, "everybody connect your PETs here."

"Searchman! Transmission!" called Laika as he initiated his connection.

"Blues! Transmission!" Enzan shouted.

"Roll! Transmission!" Meiru called.

"Tiesel! Transmission!" Tron shouted.

"Ciel! Cross Fusion…er…Transmission!" Kristen cried while correcting herself frantically as Enzan shook his head, thinking to himself, "This is the klutz that I shall marry…"

Searchman, Blues, Roll, Ciel, and Tiesel all logged into the mobile network array and prepared to find Adver Man. Ciel rushed over to hug Blues as he blushed, as the others simply rubbed the back of their sweat-dropped heads.

"Now then…" Tron murmured, "…all we have to do is figure out where he's hiding."

"There are so many places…" Enzan wondered aloud. "Finding him could take an hour! Maybe even a minute or two!"

"…And that's a bad thing?" Meiru asked as she raised an eyebrow."

"When one grows up under as stressful an upbringing as Enzan," Laika replied, "the tragic effects that such a childhood has on one's nature of behavior are really quite perturbing, bearing on the far side of manic."

"You must be a riot at parties, Laika," Kristen murmured while rolling her eyes.

"We're rather short on time, as everyone knows already," Meiru said matter-of-factly. "What's the progress on the search?"

"I'm deciphering Adver Man's code…NOW!" Tron shouted. "Okay, his code has been received into the array's database. I'm now logged into Amerope's Internet home base using an Administration linkup. It's now a matter of moments, people."

The agonizing moments passed for what seemed like an eternity as the antenna array continually rearranged itself, searching the totality of Amerope's networks for any clue leading to the location of the Adver Man menace. However, something went horribly wrong.

"Looking, looking, looking for ME!" squealed a small, almost childish voice in what seemed to be the far-off distance. The five Navis looked around and, seeing nothing, assumed it was only the array deciphering Adver Man's code.

"Twenty seconds to establishing a lock on Adver Man's location," Tron said stoically as she stared into her PET, which was now displaying a vast amount of code only one as intelligent as her could be capable of reading.

Another childish squeal of the same tone followed: "Somebody wants me badly! Whee!" This time, however, it seemed a little bit…CLOSER.

"Did you hear that?" Roll asked, upon hearing the gleeful yells of an uknown voice.

"I thought I heard something," Blues said, suddenly looking around.

"Somehow…" Searchman muttered, "my targeting system's picking up an immense unspeakable evil…and it's heading our way."

This feeling of an ominous veil clouding the battlefield only strengethened as the childish squeal grew louder: "Who is looking for me? Oh, it is all of YOU! I remember each and every one of you!"

"It's probably just the network array," Tiesel responded while shrugging somewhat obliviously. "We ARE deciphering Adver Man's code, you know."

"That's true," Ciel replied, "but somehow this feels…different. I'm feeling it too, more powerful than anything on this earth…something incredibly wicked is coming."

"Tron!" Blues called. "How long until the code is deciphered?"

"It's just finished!" Tron responded, as she looked back towards the display…and then shrunk back, almost limping as she attempted in vain to stand upright. "No…this cannot be…we aren't even prepared yet…"

"What's going on, Tron?" Enzan shouted frantically, as he gazed at the terminal, and cried out, "Holy…EVERYONE! STAY ON GUARD! Adver Man is…"

"Hello, everyone! Wheee!" shouted the voice…from behind everyone.

Enzan pointed in horror as the others clenched their teeth in anxious anticipation of a deadly battle to come, and screamed, "…HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!"

Adver Man greeted the group and squealed gleefully, "If you wanted to come out and play, you could have just asked me! Phoned me! Emailed me! And I would have given you great and glorious SPAM!"

"Oh yes, he can, and he will!" shouted two simultaneous and very familiar voices from behind them. The group looked around to meet their two deadliest foes and the last ones they ever hoped to run into: Kenishiro the Corrupt Salesman, and Mary Towa, operator of Ring, the Bishoujo Bringer of Doom. For some reason, everyone seemed satisfied that the two had been brought to them so conveniently…and yet something didn't seem right about the whole situation.

"You think you can defeat us?" Enzan attempted to say dramatically as his body shook with nervous anxiety. "Well…you're the ones who will be defeated!"

"Geez, how original," Kenishiro muttered as he rolled his eyes. "And besides…you really didn't think we knew already?"

"Oh?" Kristen replied haughtily. "What exactly DID you know…besides not much, that is?"

"About your plans to destroy Adver Man's satellite and distract us, of course!" the two harbingers of evil ads replied simultaneously, cackling like maniacs.

An aura of uncertainty clouded the battlefield. Chills ran over the Net Saviors' spines as their plans were suddenly and hopelessly uncovered. Tron stepped forward and asked with a shaken tone hovering over her voice: "H-how did you…wh-when did you…"

"It's not that hard, really," Mary shrugged. "Money is the driving force behind all human beings, and when it ultimately comes down to it, we're all human."

"You're not really that good, after all," Kenishiro continued, looking at the group with his head angled upwards in an almost cocky demeanor. "Think about it. The Net Saviors are a mercenary group…you're not all exactly on justice's side."

"And THAT means…" Adver Man continued while jumping around gleefully, "that you are all st00pid!"

"You're wrong!" shouted Kristen. "Dead wrong! And we'll prove it to you!"

"Yeah!" shouted Enzan. "The Net Saviors may be a mercenary group, but we always side with the greater good! It is you who are corrupt!"

"Hah…that's where you're wrong!" Adver Man shouted, in a somewhat angry tone this time. "There are always people willing to do things for money. Even within…"

With this, he waved his hand at all the Net Savior Navis and continued: "…even within your own division!"

"What…how could…" Enzan murmured as he stumbled backwards, uncertain of what to make of this odd development.

"We actually thought it would be difficult to find the people who would help!" Ring said as she folded her arms and nodded while grinning devilishly. "However, it turns out that the Net Saviors are actually a very corrupt organization, that they are!"

"And now," Kenishiro continued, "we've set up a little trap for your friends in space! Once they approach network connection range to the shuttle, its failsafe Electromagnetic Array will activate, rendering their systems useless!"

"You…you're planning to kill them!" Kristen murmured.

"Aw geez, heavens no! How barbaric!" Kenishiro and Mary shouted simultaneously.

"So what in the world are you planning then?" asked Enzan, slightly relieved but still maintaining an icy glare.

"It's simple," Kenishiro said while pointing upward intellectually, which in retrospect was so unlike his usual nature. "All systems except for the atmospheric regulators, which are electronically failsafe, will turn off, meaning your friends will be left without communications or power for a matter of days. They'll have an adequate supply of food and water, of course, but that won't be the problem now, will it?"

"They'll be left completely helpless to watch the satellite activate its code, the Ultimate Destruction Program, and the world will be infested with ads!" shouted Mary. "My father's fashion business will boom once again, and everyone in the world will see nothing but shameless and beautiful promotion!"

"You almost make evil sound sickeningly poetic!" grunted Kristen, her glare icier than ever. "I guess it's time to rid the world of you once and for all…before the program manifests and irritates us all!"

"Prepare for your defeat!" Enzan and Laika shouted as they reached for their Battle Chips.

"And that goes for us as well!" Meiru and Tron shouted with firey determination. "For the good not only of the Cyber World, but the real world as well, YOU WILL BE DEFEATED!"

"You may defeat us…but at what cost will that come?" Kenishiro cackled.

"Bring it on!" Mary shouted. "We'd like to see you try!"

And so the final fated beachside conflict with Adver Man and Ring began. It signaled the beginning of a tragic fight to the death between good and evil, with true heroes fighting on both sides for ultimate victory. Deep in space, the U.S.A. Euwessae continued its meteoric rush toward Adver Man's satellite, thrusters propelling its stealthy and aerodynamic bulk furiously toward its ultimate objective…and its ultimate doom.

Duo and Slur gazed at the Earth, and then into outer space, knowing this battle was inevitable, but wishing they had never begun it in the first place. Duo's eyes narrowed with pensive and anxious uncertainty as he murmured, "Two sides, battling in two areas…for a single purpose of victory…"

Slur turned her head toward the endless vastness of space, closing her eyes as she continued ominously:

"…the battle for Earth has begun."

END PART XVIII


	29. Chapter 29: Countdown

PART XXIX: COUNTDOWN

U.S.S. ESSESS MISSILE BAY…

General Specific paced back and forth nervously, pondering the hopeless uncertainty of the situation. Two conflicts on land and in space, and here he was completely out of the loop, fifteen thousand feet below sea level, doing nothing but waiting for the President to make a decision.

"With all due respect, Specific," lieutenant Smiley said as he raised his hand formally, "we really should be more patient. Keep in mind that the Net Saviors are capable of handling this matter…and should they not be, there's still a significant delay before Adver Man's attack reaches us here. We have a window of success, here."

"I don't believe they can handle it," Specific murmured in a somewhat disturbed tone. "Those Net Saviors make me angry anyway. So stuck up, and always fooling around with the latest toys."

"Your point of view is understood, sir," Smiley said softly as he lowered his head, "but perhaps you should clear your mind first. We have our orders to stand by, and so there's really nothing we can do. We cannot deploy IT…not until the President, and that girl, give us the say-so."

Realizing that this was all that could really be done, Specific heaved a deep sigh, walked toward the exit door, and replied grudgingly, "…Then wait we shall. But if they don't do anything to solve this…"

He clenched his teeth as he continued with a tight fist and icy glare, "…I'll take the matter into my own hands!"

MEANWHILE, IN A LOW SLINGSHOT ORBIT AROUND THE EARTH…

"Are we there yet?" Netto groaned as the U.S.A. Euwessae continued to speed toward the Adver Satellite's path of orbit.

"For the billionth time, NOT YET!" Yaito and Shuuko shrieked.

"Are we there yet?" Netto continued to moan. "I'm dead tired. My legs are hurting. I have to go to the bathroom. Badly! Meiru, your sweaty space outfit smells like hummus."

Meiru blushed madly and sniffed her suit as Shuuko could do nothing but smirk.

"I really have to go to the bathroom!" Netto cried. "OH, I REALLY DO! Where in the world ARE we? Can we please turn on the radio? I'm so incredibly indescribably bored."

"NETTO!" the two women screamed at the top of their lungs, as Netto became silenced…at least for the moment. It was rather unfortunate for them that he had beaten the Elite Four on Indigo Plateau, and was therefore left with nothing to do.

"Could you please be quiet?" Shuuko asked, more than somewhat irritated. "You are NOT making this boring trip any easier on us!"

"I'm bored…" Netto moaned with the cutest puppy-dog expression they ever did see.

"Are you still with us up there?" General Broad's voice crackled over the intercom system.

"Well, we're not AGAINST you, if that's what you mean," Yaito shrugged.

"Eh, right," Broad muttered as he cleared his throat. "Listen, we've just gotten word from your friends here on Earth that Adver Man has planned a trap for every one of you, one that will activate as soon as you come within PET connection range of the satellite."

"What kind of trap?" all three of them asked, a little surprised, although they had to admit that at this point a dramatic trap was pretty much expected anyway.

"An electromagnetic deactivation field," Broad replied grimly. "As soon as you approach the satellite, it will activate a defense mechanism, generating an energy field that will disable all the Euwessae's systems…except for atmospheric regulation, as well as independent devices like your PETs…and Netto's Game Boy."

"So as soon as we're within range," Netto deduced, "we're practically sitting ducks."

"Not really" Broad replied. "I should tell you this quickly, while our communications are still active. The way to stop Adver Man's satellite is through the use of the high-efficiency, manually powered backup generator."

"Where is that?" asked Yaito, leaning forward desperately.

"In the back of the shuttle bay, in a small closet near the thrust turbines. However, I should warn you that there are certain…ahem…digestive requirements to use it…"

"Digestive?" Shuuko asked with one eyebrow raised in puzzlement. "What do you mean by that? Does it have something to do with the Euwessae's power source?"

"As you may know already, power generation has come a long way. We've discovered a high energy, high-efficiency power source that yields nearly five times the energy of a coal-fired plant, and around 1.5 times the power of a nukular one."

"Heh…nukular…" Netto smirked. "So, if I understand you correctly, the power source for this ship is…"

"Indeed, that's it precisely," General Broad replied, somewhat smirking himself.

"Eeeewwww…" Yaito and Shuuko murmured as their faces twisted in disgust.

"We're losing communications…you're now within connection range!" Broad's voice shouted as the crackles of the intercom grew louder. Knowing that the Adver Satellite's defenses had been activated, Broad left the crew with his final words for the moment:

"Godspeed, and good luck to you!"

A deep, circuit-frying sizzle.

A slight crackle.

And then…complete darkness.

"So who's gonna do it?" Yaito asked, smirking with a raised eyebrow. "MY stomach isn't up to this."

Shuuko looked down at her waistline and said unsurely, "MY diet doesn't allow me to do something like this…"

Both of them looked at Netto. Understanding what he had to do, Netto said with an incredibly determined tone, "It's up to me then! Get me all the food you can! For the sake of this planet…I MUST EAT!"

And so Yaito and Shuuko gathered up all the food they could manage to feed Netto without starving themselves, all the while thinking, "Like THIS is anything out of the ordinary…"

SAN CONSTANTINOPLE BEACH…

"Your friends are helpless in space now!" Adver Man giggled. "My satellite has already activated its defenses!"

"So what?" Enzan replied, somewhat shaken yet still attempting to remain cocky. "All that means is that we'll have to try just a little harder to defeat you!"

"I do not think that will be the case," hissed the sadistic voice of Lovely-Lovely-Cutey-Honey Adult Ring-chan as she came up from behind the group and made preparations for another Furious Ring Sword. Blues did not groan impatiently this time; at least Adver Man was there to keep them occupied while she prepared it.

"Take this, telemarketing scum!" Tiesel shouted as his right hand morphed into an impressive metallic-hue Breaker Sword. Jumping high into the air, he prepared to end it all with a single blow

"Sales Technique!" Adver Man shouted. "Results May Vary!"

With that, Tiesel's intimidating metallic Breaker Sword transformed into the weakest, most ridiculous weapon in existence…its pink, blurred Kids WB version. When the sword struck Adver Man, all he did was tilt his head obliviously and respond: "What was that? A piece of paper? Someone threw a piece of paper on me?"

"What…what is this madness?" Tiesel shrieked while staring at his just plain ridiculous pink blurry sword.

"That is absolutely cruel," murmured Roll. "Even for him."

"If I had a weapon as thoroughly pathetic as that…" Blues thought to himself as he shuddered, "…I would go into hiding forever…"

"Okay, now we're supposed to be evil, but that's just wrong," Ring muttered as she glared at Adver Man, who gave her a stupid grin and a thumbs-up sign.

"Cyber Elves Summon!" Ciel shouted as a pink aura suddenly surrounded her…and suddenly at least thirty small creatures appeared at her side. "Merge into Cyber Elf Sword!"

"She's got one of those too?" Mary cried. "All right then…Ring! Full power!"

"Yes Mary!" Ring shouted frantically.

"Ciel! More elves!" Kristen shouted.

"I'll do what I can!" cried Kristen excitedly, slotting in a Multiple Effect battle chip. "But we're running out of options here!"

"That much is certain," Enzan muttered between gritted teeth, fixating his glare on Mary and Kenishiro.

"Summoning multiple Cyber Elves to manifest into a single sword, therefore replicating the Furious Sword of Ring?" Kenishiro thought to himself. "Quite the impressive little thing, isn't she? But no matter how many times they attack…we still have the advantage here! Even the Euwessae's backup generator won't help them now…or will it…?"

Kenishiro's eyes narrowed and his grin widened as he thought, "…I'm definitely getting excited!"

DEEP SPACE, LOW ORBIT WITH THE ADVER SATELLITE…

"I've eaten all that I need," Netto groaned with satisfaction as he patted his very expanded gut. "Now all I have to do is suit up and use the backup generator in the shuttle bay."

"You do know how to use such a generator, right?" Yaito and Shuuko smirked.

"Hey, of course I do! I do it all the time at Maha Ichiban."

With that said, Netto put on his space suit as Yaito and Shuuko shuddered, calling back as he left toward the generator: "I'll be back in half an hour!"

"Does a generator like…THIS one…normally take that long?" Yaito murmured.

"Well, he DID eat a lot…" Shuuko cringed. "But if he isn't able to provide us with enough power…we may have to go in after he's done…"

Yaito almost fainted at the thought, her face twisting in sheer disgust.

U.S.A. EUWESSAE ENGINE BAY…

Netto stood before an air-pressurized hydraulic door with red painted lettering above it that read, "BACKUP GENERATOR. Warning. Before generator is used, make sure you absolutely and certainly have to go."

Wondering what this meant, Netto opened the airlock and entered a small area resembling a gym locker room, yet no larger than a closet.

"Netto, are you sure you're up to this?" Rockman asked his operator, an air of uncertainty fogging his voice.

"Absolutely," Netto said, stripping down to his underwear and a T-shirt. "Although…at the rate my digestive system's going now…I'll need at least another fifteen minutes to grind everything down to waste…"

"Netto, there may be a way to speed it up!" Rockman cried. "Look over at that wall!"

Looking over in the direction to which Rockman pointed, Netto saw two red wall-mounted metal boxes, labeled "GENERATOR STAGE 1" and "GENERATOR STAGE 2." Mounted a few inches below was a small plaque reading, "Open only in case of emergency, whether it be certain destruction or the call of the wild."

"Netto, we have to open Generator Stage 1 first," Rockman stated matter-of-factly.

"Roger that!" Netto replied as he opened the first box…and took out a small chewable pill.

"What in the world is that?" Rockman asked as he quizzically tilted his head.

"It's the only way to speed the power generation process…" Netto replied, "…a super-digestive pill!" That said, he chewed the pill thoroughly and gulped down the fine bits his mouth had broken it down into, then stood in place.

For a while, nothing happened. A matter of seconds later, Netto's stomach began to growl. A short series of mumblings later, his gut erupted and fluctuated with the full fury of its powered-up digestive force, growling like an adult Rottweiler hound that had just gotten its rear sniffed the wrong way. And then, one minute later, it stopped. Netto was now ready to operate the backup generator. Proceeding with determination, he found the entryway into the generator closet, opened the door, and there he was greeted with the most advanced power generator ever known to man:

A toilet.

"How ironic that something so disgusting and gratuitous would save the human race," Rockman said poetically to his operator. "Netto, remember Stage Two."

"Roger that," Netto replied, opening the second box and taking out the newspaper inside. Pulling down his underwear and planting himself firmly on the toilet, Netto clenched his fists as fire raged in his eyes, crying out, "This is it then! For the sake of saving the Cyber World and our world from advertising hell, I MUST TAKE A SHI-…"

"…Ship's losing contact with Adver Satellite!" Yaito's voice crackled over the generator's intercom. "Netto, we need that power fast!"

"Don't disturb me on the throne!" Netto screamed.

"Okay, sorry!" Yaito huffed as she deactivated the intercom.

Netto opened the newspaper to the Hollywood Buzz section and bent over so that his generative power could be fully extracted. With reading material set and everything in place, he groaned the words that would save the world:

"Argh! Unnnfff! Urrrgggghhhh…Hey! Tom Cruise seen on a Carnival Cruise Line with Halle Berry and Britney Spears? YEEEAAARRRGGHHH!"

END PART XXIX


	30. Chapter 30: Deep Space Ballade

PART XXX: DEEP SPACE BALLADE

ABOARD THE U.S.A. EUWESSAE…

The main thrusters were now powered up at maximum potential output, and were ready to fire. Yaito and Shuuko looked at each other and gulped, before pushing the thrust lever to full power. All three of them (including Netto, much to his displeasure) were cast into a frightening rush of velocity as the Euwessae once again attempted to reach the menacing yet oddly cute Adver Satellite.

"Great balls of fire!" screamed Netto, wishing there was a camera in the generator room so he could give his ignorant crew the middle finger, but then deciding against it for obi

"Generator nearing half power…Gods, this is efficient!" Yaito called as she watched an energy readout bar on the main cockpit's central control console continuing to climb at an alarming rate. Netto Hikari had single-handedly unloaded enough energy to power Densan City for an entire year, enough to make an energy company stop worrying about finding cheaper sources of power and start worrying about sewage waste control.

"Keep it going, Netto!" Yaito cried over the intercom.

"I don't know how much longer I can go on!" whined Netto as he continued to force more power into the generator. "I'm losing my endurance!"

"Do you need to eat more, Netto?" Shuuko asked frantically. "We have a few emergency digestive pills that General Broad gave us just in case…"

"It's not that!" Netto groaned. "I'm almost done with the entire newspaper and I don't have anything else to read while I'm stuck here! I've read and re-read the business columns, the editorials, front page stories, home and garden makeovers, entertainment news, classifieds…and by the way, Yaito, are you really selling a 3-D monitor at that price listed on page C19?"

"Of course!" Yaito replied. "Free shipping to anywhere in Japan or continental Asia!"

"I'll have to buy it once we destroy the satellite and end this thing! Oh wait…here it comes…"

"Oh no…" Shuuko groaned. "The big one…"

"You know, under conventional wisdom," Yaito wondered aloud, "I would think that the big ones are usually the most compressed as they lie at the bottom of the digestive tract, and therefore logic dictates that they would be the first to come out."

"Go figure!" Netto cried, rolling his eyes, and then cringing in excruciating pain as his face tightened. "Oh no…it's coming…THE BIG ONE! UUURRRRGGGHHHH!"

PLOOSH!

The energy readout bar nearly flew off the charts as Yaito and Shuuko looked at it in wonderment. Netto's last desperate unleashing produced so much energy that it nearly threatened to overheat the Euwessae's energy reserve. A matter of minutes later, Netto was again suited up for deep space and joined the other two members of his crew in the cockpit.

"Did you make a big mess in there?" Yaito asked disappointedly as she raised an eyebrow. "I hope that nothing splattered around the rim, Netto. I don't want NASA having to clean it up and thinking it was me or Shuuko…"

"Of course I didn't make a mess!" Netto huffed as he then thought to himself, "Not a BIG one, at least…"

"Did you turn the ventilator fan on?" Shuuko asked, also with a raised eyebrow. "I don't want any of that getting in here."

"Don't worry. I used the fan…and I even sprayed the generator room with odorized disinfectant spray! Spring Flower scent, even!"

"H-how…much…did you use?"

Netto raised his head with impressive cockiness at his own lack of physical limitation, and replied with a stupid grin: "I used…THE ENTIRE CAN!"

Yaito's and Shuuko's mouths flew completely open, stupefied by this amazing and astounding biological discovery. They stared at Netto Hikari as though they were watching someone climbing Mount Everest, although in this case "climbing" might not have been the appropriate word.

"We should have enough power to reach the satellite now," Netto said with a determined tone as he sat down in his bucket seat to continue their business of destroying the satellite. "Command, do you read me?"

"Which part of you do you need us to read?" General Broad responded. "We can write or draw too, if you want."

"Eh, right," Yaito responded, rolling her eyes yet again. "We've just completed powering up the backup generator and are at full power. Somehow we're able to evade the Adver Satellite's electromag field. We somehow pulled it through in record time…but as to how we did it, we'd rather not say."

"Works for me, because I'd rather not know," General Broad murmured as he shuddered and shook his head. "Anyway, the Code Destroyer module should be ready to deploy now. Listen carefully."

Netto, Yaito, and Shuuko leaned in closer to do just that.

"The Code Destroyer is a compact mobile network destruction tool developed especially for use against the Adver Satellite. What you must do is open the main shuttle bay and travel by zero gravity to the satellite's main body, where you will attach the Code Destroyer to its main terminal. It should be concealed beneath a panel of glass somewhere behind the satellite's solar panel array. Once the panel is removed and/or broken, you'll attach the Code Destroyer to the manual input terminal, activate using the On Button, and the device will be automatically programmed to take care of itself."

"Gotcha!" Netto replied. "Although…can't we just blow it up?"

General Broad paused and scratched his chin before responding, "I feel your pain, Netto. I'd have loved to do that myself. Truth is, the Adver Satellite has a destruct mechanism that automatically disperses the Adver Man virus throughout the world if the satellite is completely destroyed. So blowing the darned thing up is actually more harmful than just letting it be in the first place. So now it's up to you to use the Code Destroyer on that satellite!"

"I guess we're up to the challenge, then!" Netto, Yaito, and Shuuko replied, making one of those incredibly acrobatic Team Rocket poses. Considering the circumstances and the fact that they were on an actual rocket, this was a rather appropriate name.

"Understood, Rocket Team," Broad nodded, confirming the previously mentioned analogy to a certain cartoon series by continuing: "Protect the world from devastation, destroy all evils within our nation. Fight at the speed of light!"

With the Adver Satellite now within close range, the shuttle bay doors opened, releasing a glistening mechanical arm holding onto a strange metallic cylinder, antennae protruding from the tip of its bulk. The Code Destroyer ready for deployment, Netto and Shuuko suited up for deep space, standing inside the air pressurizing room in their specially made space suits. It had been agreed that Yaito, being the most egotistical, and therefore the most competent, would stay behind to monitor the mission's progress.

"Air depressurization initiating," the Euwessae's monotone robotic voice uttered as an elongated hissing noise signaled the room was now being deprived of atmosphere. As soon as the process was complete, the system continued, "Disengaging gravitational field. All crew members prepare for zero gravity."

"Zero gravity…we're all starting to float!" Yaito cried in wonderment, a statement soon confirmed as she started to float. "Netto, Shuuko, remember that it'll be more difficult to control your movements in Zero G. You have to move slower to maximize your control, and…NETTO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Netto was now gleefully spinning Shuuko around in circles and watching her spin around helplessly, something she herself did not appreciate. "This is fun!" Netto squealed, waving his hands and continuing to spin around a very nauseous Shuuko.

"Make him stop!" she cried, almost pathetically. "I'm gonna BARF!"

"Netto! Get serious!" Yaito shouted as she slammed her hands down on the console.

"Sorry," Netto murmured sheepishly as he stopped spinning Shuuko…and then started pushing the walls so he could spin himself. "Wheeee!"

"Dear, he's worse than you!" Shuuko murmured to Aquaman as he huffed and folded his arms cutely in response.

SAN CONSTANTINOPLE BEACH…

"This is the easiest target I have ever picked off," Searchman thought to himself as he focused his rifle arm on Lovely-Lovely-Cutey-Honey Adult Ring-chan. "She's so big and sexy, and she's just…standing there…this is so easy it's almost pathetic."

Everyone had grown slightly worn out from heavy combat, except for Ciel and Adult Ring-chan, who were busy energizing their swords. Taking a break to relax, Adver Man lay down to take a breather as the other Net Savior Navis (Searchman excluded) took a break to talk about what they would do after Adver Man's defeat. Apparently they had found some way to cope with the boredom of waiting around for Ciel and Ring to energize their ungodly huge weapons.

Laika, in the meantime, was becoming quite irritated, something which could easily be visible when he then shouted: "Searchman! Why haven't you eliminated the secondary target, hmm?"

"Er, give me a moment," Searchman replied sheepishly. "I am trying to recalibrate my aim and take wind speed into account."

"What aim do you need?" Laika responded disappointedly. "For goodness sake…you're FIVE INCHES from her!"

"I am easily distracted by her…ahem…proportions…" Searchman murmured as he began to sweat profusely for some odd reason.

"Why in…oh, I get it," Laika muttered as he rolled his eyes. "Listen Searchman. As well-developed as the target may be, you must see the mission through!"

"Indeed," Searchman huffed while fixating his eyes on Adult Ring's body, "I am seeing the mission."

"Just finish the job already…" Laika grunted, with an understandable amount of impatience.

"Very well…Target Lockon!" Searchman brought his rifle up towards Ring's head and shouted while his eyes fixated on her waistline, firing a brilliant blast of purple energy as he shouted:

"H34DSH0T!"

"Erm, what are you doing?" Ring asked quizzically as Searchman looked up toward her face.

"Weren't you supposed to be destroyed?" he asked as he raised an eyebrow.

Ring pointed in Ciel's direction and Searchman turned to look, seeing Ciel lying on the floor, missing her left leg and mumbling various inaudible curses, supposedly directed at him. Clearly the distractive power of Lovely-Lovely-Cutey-Honey Adult Ring-chan's fully matured body had completely distracted his aim…and mistakenly, he had shot Ciel's left leg off. The Cyber Elves that had formed her sword dispelled and rushed to the aid of their Navi master.

"Er…Ciel…I'm darned sorry…" Searchman murmured sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his head.

"Gods, Ciel, are you still alive?" Roll cried.

As soon as Ciel directed a very angry, anime-vein-laced middle finger at him, Searchman turned to the others and called out, "She'll live."

The other Net Savior Navis heaved a sigh of relief that Ciel was alive, while Kristen raised an eyebrow at Laika as if to say "Well?" and received an oblivious shrug in response.

"You know what?" Ring murmured. "Maybe the world is better off without pervs. FURIOUS RING SWORD!"

Ring prepared to bring down her nearly completed glowing sword, but suddenly Searchman had gotten serious. Carefully directing his aim with all the precision that was required to destroy a huge target five inches away, he aimed at Ring's elbow…

…and fired.

Adult Ring's right arm flew off and dissipated into data, as she reverted back into her child form and squealed, "Not fair! How did you…"

"It's simple," Blues replied stoically. "The minute you threatened to kill us, we got serious. Now that we're once again ready to fight…this is the end for you!"

Manifesting his right arm into an awesomely intimidating Paladin Sword that was so unlike its pink blurred Kids WB version, Blues prepared to delete Ring once and for all, until she bowed down before them with tears in her eyes, and cried, "Please don't do it! I surrender! All I wanted to do was make friends…please don't delete me! I can't afford the humiliation!"

"Making friends? You know, that's what forums are for!" Meiru said happily as the others looked at her with sweat drops on their foreheads.

"Forums aren't the only way to meet people, you know," Enzan muttered with a raised eyebrow. "You could have an enlightening conversation with other people you happen to meet randomly."

"This has gone far enough! I'm not Maury over here!" Kenishiro shouted. "Look…is Ring on our side or not?"

"She isn't!" Mary huffed as she walked over and glomped a madly blushing Enzan as Kristen's face grew a bright firey red. "I'm on THIS side! I don't have to use money to make friends anymore! I want to be on the good side for once!"

"So it's mutiny, then?" Kenishiro hissed angrily. "You've just made the biggest mistake of your life, Mary. No one double-crosses the main man!"

"Whatever you say…Lobo," Enzan murmured inaudibly.

"Adver Man!" Kenishiro shouted. "Prepare for combat!"

The chubby little blue advertising horror jumped to his stubby feet and shouted his signature childish squeal: "I can do that! Wheeee!"

As Adver Man rushed to meet Mary and the Net Saviors in combat, Mary continued to glomp Enzan as Kristen continued to attempt to pry her off.

MEANWHILE, ON DUO'S COMET…

"And so another human has joined the fray," Duo stated softly, in a slightly worried tone. "A young French girl and her mysterious Navi that randomly transforms into an adult version of herself…indeed, I have a bad feeling about this."

"And that bad feeling…" Slur murmured, "…is that this will turn out to be…"

That said, the two continued ominously and dramatically:

"…the stupidest battle ever."

END PART XXX


	31. Chapter 31: Into the Blue

PART XXXI: INTO THE BLUE

U.S.A. EUWESSAE SHUTTLE MAIN SATELLITE BAY…

"Dunn…dunn…dunn…" Netto shouted melodiously as he floated out into space. For someone who was as hyperactive as he, it was fortunate that there was a hose that kept him tethered to the ship to prevent him from floating off into oblivion.

"Stop singing," Shuuko grunted as she fired her suit's thrusters, bringing herself closer to the Code Destroyer. "You're not making this go any better, you know."

"DUN-DUNNNN!" Netto shouted as he stupidly waved around his arms and legs, uttering the final two dramatic notes to 2001: A Space Odyssey. Yaito sighed and shook her head as she watched the more inept of the two flailing around in glee.

"How much time do we have before the Adver Satellite begins its programming?" Netto asked Rockman as he finally got serious.

"I'd estimate we have around sixteen hours to activate the Code Destroyer," Rockman responded.

"Sixteen hours? We're early," Shuuko murmured as she raised her eyebrow. "So I take it we can take our time now."

Unfortunately, the Adver Satellite had other plans, uttering an ominous message into the Euwessae's intercom. Receiving the message, Glyde worriedly stated to his operator: "Yaito…we have a situation."

"What kind?" Yaito asked as she leaned forward nervously.

"Apparently Adver Man initiated some kind of code on the satellite that speeds up its doomsday mechanism. We now have less than four hours to act!"

"Four hours. Hmm," Yaito responded as she sat back in her chair and closed her eyes. After a matter of seconds, she sat up abruptly as her eyelids flew wide open, and she screamed over the intercom: "For goodness sake, HURRY PEOPLE!"

"Roger that!" Netto cried. "All right Shuuko, we're almost there! Now let's blow this thing and go home!"

"Netto…" Shuuko murmured as she detached the Code Destroyer from its mechanical arm, "…how many movies have you been watching?"

"Never mind that!" Yaito replied, taking the words right out of Netto's mouth. "What we're worried about now is that satellite."

"Remote activate code destroyer!" General Broad shouted as a number of NASA officials performed a series of data entries, preparing the device for activation. "Once the destroyer activates, Netto and Shuuko, it's up to you to use your Net Navis to insert the code into the Adver Satellite's core processor!"

"You mean…" Rockman murmured nervously, "…we have to access the central Adver Database? But that's where all of his virii lie…"

"Exactly!" Broad replied. "The Code Destroyer is so complex that its code is deeply compressed. Its nature doesn't allow it to directly connect on its own. There wasn't even enough hard drive space to fit an independent Navi capable of inserting the destruction data on its own. So you will all be acting as the medium. Get your Navis ready; you'll be on your own once you log into the satellite core."

Netto and Shuuko looked at the Adver Satellite, then glanced at each other in nervous apprehension as Yaito shuddered to think what horrors awaited them.

"Moving toward satellite and preparing to initiate Core Destroyer!" Netto said with a rather determined look on his face. "Rockman, prepare for immediate combat upon network connection!"

"Aquaman," Shuuko said to her easily excited Navi, "you do the same."

The two Net Saviors carried the cylindrical weapon of doom to the Adver Satellite, casting its cute and evil glare upon the curve of the Earth's surface.

U.S.S. ESSESS MAIN COMMAND DECK…

"General Specific!" a command deck official shouted. "Incoming message from Kristen Adams and Ciel.EXE! They say the device is ready to activate!"

"Roger that!" General Specific replied. "Initiate Gamma Protocol 12! Release compression hatches and prepare for immediate activation!"

"Roger that sir!" a multitude of officers responded as they flicked a number of switches. Fifteen thousand feet beneath sea level, a mechanical hiss and a flurry of bubbles could be seen as the Essess opened its missile hatches, preparing to launch its ultimate defense mechanism.

"Engage it!" Specific shouted. "Set coordinates 1527 Beta 13!"

"Coordinates set! Launching now!"

The open bay fully prepped for launch, a small cylindrical missile released itself from the Essess and shot upwards towards the surface, where its thrust ceased and its thrust nozzle expanded into an inverted umbrella-like metallic lens, allowing the missile to remain afloat with its warhead end pointing toward the sky. Its fuselage expanded into a satellite array, directing its aim at the Adver Satellite.

"Now," Specific murmured as he rubbed his face, "everything will be up to those kids. Up there…down here…all we can do is wait."

"Can't we just activate it now and tell those children, sir?" an officer asked nervously.

"No…for now, all we can do is wait. Remember what happens if we destroy We'll turn it on when they're good and ready."

SAN CONSTANTINOPLE BEACH…

"Furious Ring Sword!" Ring cried as she morphed her arm into a long, Excalibur-like blade and brought it down on Adver Man.

"Still so much to learn, Ring-chan!" Adver Man shouted gleefully as he raised both his hands and continued: "Sales Technique! Results May Vary!"

And with this, Ring's sword transformed into its blurred pink Kids WB version. Upon making contact, Adver Man tilted his head and squealed, "Another piece of paper! I must be in a parade!"

"He really IS the ultimate evil!" Roll gasped. "Ciel…how's that sword coming?"

"I'm doing the best I can with only one leg…I'm finding it hard to balance myself!" Ciel grunted exhaustedly as she struggled to manifest her sword again. "There's only so much I can do here!"

"Blues!" Searchman muttered between gritted teeth. "There's no way we can win against him now, we have to face that fact."

"Indeed…" Blues murmured, "…we have to wait until that satellite is destroyed first. Only then will he be weak enough for us to get him. We'll have to stick to the plan this time."

"Agreed," Enzan replied in the real world. "I don't know what else we can do! Total system meltdown is in four hours…and we're powerless to stop it…"

"Not entirely," Kristen replied as she pointed upwards for seemingly no apparent reason. "A few friends of mine in the government have arranged a little present for Kenishiro."

"Some friends?" Enzan muttered as he raised an eyebrow. "You know, if they're in politics…they aren't really your friends…"

"Hey come on," Kristen replied. "My dad has ties with the government. I've done skating shows for so many people around the world that Princess Pride herself even knighted me!"

"You mean, Princessed you," Laika corrected her mundanely. "So what does this brash display of arrogance have to do with anything?"

"Certain companies I did sponsorship deals with have government ties!" Kristen continued gleefully. "So my family has lots of friends in high places!"

"I think I see where you're going with this," Laika murmured, "and it sort of sickens me."

"Hey come on," Tron murmured. "At least she's using her powers for good."

"I suppose," Enzan said as he shrugged and continued while looking over at Mary, "unlike…"

"Hey, I saw the light didn't I?" Mary huffed as Enzan shrugged…AGAIN.

"Anyway," Kristen continued, "the device I ordered should be able to deploy in a matter of seconds."

"What device is that?" Tron asked as she leaned in with interest.

"It's a Code Booster!" Kristen replied. "Although there's no time to explain it now, you'll all find out what it does eventually."

"No time to explain?" Meiru wondered aloud. "Why in the world not?"

With this, Kristen pointed over at Kenishiro, who shook his fists while jumping up and down, shouting, "HEELLLLOOOO? Hey, have you guys already forgotten about me? Bad guy bent on wreaking world havoc standing right over here!"

"Ah," the others replied as they turned back around to continue the fight, which, in all honesty, should have concluded a long time ago.

DEEP SPACE, LOW ORBIT WITH THE ADVER SATELLITE…

The Code Destroyer inserted itself almost seamlessly into the Adver Satellite's control terminal as Netto and Shuuko plugged their Navis into the infrared reception terminal.

"Rockman! Transmission!" Netto said as he danced around dramatically like everyone usually does when their Navi plugs in, unless they're busy running for their lives or something.

"Aquaman! Transmission!" Shuuko squealed as she did almost the same dance, but a little cuter surrounded by a few hearts and whatnot.

"Glyde! Transmission!" Yaito shouted as she plugged her own Navi into the shuttle's main terminal. Obviously, her dance was the cutest of all.

Rockman and Aquaman plugged into the Code Destroyer and faced a huge, dark, marbleized towering obelisk. At its base was a hissing, crackling orb of energy.

"This is it," Rockman murmured. "The Ultimate Destruction Code. This is what we have to insert into the satellite's processor. If my estimations are correct…"

"Er…Rockman?" Aquaman stammered nervously as he poked at Rockman's butt. His height would not have allowed him to gain Rockman's attention in a more decent manner.

"Aquaman, stop poking my arse!" Rockman screamed. "Anyway, the satellite's core should be right over in…"

"Rockman…you really should see this…" Aquaman stammered.

"Argh! Shaddap Aquaman! Anyway, it should be right over in THAT direction!" Rockman pointed in a direction opposite the Code Destroyer obelisk, and his face grew pale as his eyes suddenly met with what Aquaman had wanted him to see…

…thousands of Adver Metools.

"Free mortgages! Low rates!" shouted one-half of said thousands of Mets in a loud and obnoxious tone. "All you have to do is give us your bank account number and social security information!"

"Is YOUR family health insured?" shouted the other half, in a cryptic and morbid nature fitting of a health insurance commercial. "Make sure your family doesn't have to pay for you if you should crap out tomorrow!"

"It must be a trap!" Yaito shouted, although by now this was pretty much obvious. "Only a mind as twisted as Kenishiro's could have come up with something as evil as a guard system of telemarketing Mets!"

"Rockman!" Netto cried. "Grab the code and get out of there!"

"Understood, Netto!" Rockman replied as he and Aquaman grabbed the glowing purple energy orb and embraced it tightly as they both shouted, "DO IT NOW!"

"Roger that!" Yaito replied. "Program Advance, Triple Slot In! Black Hole!"

"Area Steal!" Netto shouted as he slotted in the second chip.

"Multiple Enhancer!" Shuuko cried as she slotted in the third and final chip.

"Program Advance!" all three Net Saviors shouted in unison. "Black Hole Teleporter!"

Rockman and Aquaman disappeared with the code as a black hole materialized in their wake, sucking the thousands of Adver Metools into oblivion. Soon both of them found themselves standing before a towering rectangular monolith, circuitry and wires passing throughout its bulk. Both Navis knew this could only be one thing: the Adver Satellite Core.

"Well, THAT was easier than expected," Rockman murmured. "Why can't all enemies have this level of intelligence?"

"WARNING, INTRUDER ALERT!" boomed a loud, deep voice in monotone. "SUMMONING REDUNDANT BACKUP. RESTORING ADVER METOOL UNITS TO GUARD CENTRAL CORE."

"You just had to ask, didn't you?" Aquaman squealed in fear as he hid behind Rockman.

And with that, thousands more Adver Metools appeared before them, forming a thick wall of adorable evil between Rockman, Aquaman, and the final step to victory. As Netto and Shuuko watched the Adver Metools materialize into an unbreakable and invincible barrier, Netto activated his intercom and said very matter-of-factly:

"Houston…we have a big-ass problem."

"What now?" Aquaman cried frantically as he looked in vain for a place to hide, which, unfortunately, there was not.

"We have to prepare ourselves…" Shuuko murmured between clenched teeth. "This may be our last battle…for real."

NASA CENTRAL LAUNCHING BAY COMMAND…

"Dammit!" General Broad shouted as he slammed his fist into the wall, and then shook it while wincing at the ouchies that logically followed. "A redundant backup system! Somehow the satellite uses a backup feature that allows it to go back to any previous point in time!"

"Sir!" a NASA officer popped up suddenly. "We've received a message from Princess Pride that Kristen Adams and Yuuichirou Hikari have called for the device to be activated!"

"About time!" Broad replied, sighing in relief. "Get word to General Specific in the U.S.S. Essess off the Japanese coast to activate the device NOW!"

U.S.S. ESSESS MAIN DECK…

"GENERAL!" a deck lieutenant gasped as he ran over to Specific. "We have authorization to begin protocol Gamma 12!"

"Roger that!" Specific replied. "All hands on deck, prepare for immediate activation!"

All officers present initiated a command sequence of buttons, and back on sea level, the mysterious floating antenna glowed a brilliant white and shot an intense azure beam towards the Adver Satellite.

"It's finally deployed…" Specific murmured as he watched the antenna's laser pierce through the skies, "…the Code Booster."

END PART XXXI


	32. Chapter 32: Dawn of a New Day

PART XXXII: DAWN OF A NEW DAY

ADVER SATELLITE CENTRAL CORE NETWORK…

"We can't possibly hold off this many!" a very battle-worn Rockman screamed as he attempted in vain to control the increasing numbers of Adver Mets as they formed a barrier and began attacking him and Aquaman. "Argh, they're multiplying faster than we can destroy them!"

"Shuuko!" cried an equally battered and beaten Aquaman. "Help!"

"We're doing all that we can up here!" Shuuko responded desperately. "I'm running out of battle chips…not to mention options!"

Meanwhile, in the U.S.A. Euwessae's cockpit, Yaito sipped away at a freeze-dried strawberry milk shake, trying to enjoy her last moments of normal life before a doomsday she was almost certain would come. Then, pointing at a luminescent beam of blue light emanating from Earth's surface off the coast of Japan, she shouted, "Hey…what's THAT?"

"Don't tell me they actually started making one of those!" Netto cried in disbelief, yet for some reason oddly relieved.

"One of what?" Shuuko asked curiously.

"The Code Booster!" Netto replied. "It's not even supposed to exist. Supposedly it amplifies the power of a destructive code so that it is capable of destroying an Internet area ten times more than what it could have destroyed on its own!"

"Y-you're right!" Shuuko stammered. "And now…we've been called on to use it! What do you say, Yaito?"

"I have to say I'm surprised that someone as inept as Netto was able to figure out, much less know about something like that!" Yaito cried in response. With that, she started pressing a multitude of buttons on the Euwessae's main control console and stated exactly what she hoped to accomplish by pushing said buttons: "Programming Code Booster signal to align with Code Destroyer's engagement matrix! The boosted destruction code will initiate once it's connected to the satellite core processor!"

"Wow," Netto and Shuuko responded with sweat drops adorning their foreheads. "We don't understand a word of what you just said, but we'll insert the code anyway!"

As the Adver Metools continued to multiply, the Code Booster's signal made contact with the Code Destroyer, causing its cylindrical body to expand into yet another array of antenna. A series of whirs and mechanical movements indicated that the Code Destroyer was now operating at full power.

"Now's our chance, Rockman!" Netto shouted in a determined tone. "Destroy the Adver Satellite's core with the Code Destroyer!"

"Aquaman, back him up!" Shuuko ordered as her little Navi leapt onto Rockman's back. "We'll fight with what we can from here!"

"Wait a minute, who says we're going to fight?" Yaito asked, leaning forward nervously. "We have to escape! So Netto, let's use the same trick that the former World Three used to get away from Gospel's virii in Wily's old headquarters!"

"Argh, you think I wouldn't know that by now?" Netto cried as he rubbed his head frantically. "Very well! Double slot in! Kawarimi! Area Steal!"

With this, Rockman and Aquaman appeared on the other side of the Adver Metool wall as the little minions assaulted the clones they had left behind.

"Have fun playing with our clones! Bleh!" Aquaman squealed gleefully, but fortunately not loud enough as to alert the Mets to their real presence.

"Sheesh, déjà vu all over again," Netto murmured, remembering that Colorman had once said the exact same thing.

"All that's left now is to destroy the satellite core!" Rockman shouted dramatically as he pointed toward the towering central processor. Looking at the glowing energy orb and standing before the monolithic structure, he took a moment to contemplate exactly what he was doing.

"It's okay, Rockman!" Netto shouted, and then stated in as technically as he could, trying to one-up Yaito: "Push it into the big microchip thingy!"

Simple, but effective language, Shuuko thought to herself.

Rockman inserted the glowing orb into the processor in nervous apprehension, and then plugged out with Aquaman as soon as their task was completed.

The Code Destroyer continued to glow even brighter…

SAN CONSTANTINOPLE BEACH…

The attack strategy had failed. It was obvious at this point. Enzan and the others looked on in horrification as their plan to have all Net Savior Navis attack Adver Man simultaneously had resulted in all of them carrying around wimpy Kids WB-friendly swords.

"You don't know how demeaning this is," Ciel huffed.

"This is infinitely worse, and far more evil, than even my devil form!" Roll cried.

"I despise that little cretin," Blues murmured between clenched teeth. "How can he humiliate us like this and then dance around so stupidly? I've heard of despicable villainy…but this is wrong on so many levels!"

"Whee!" shouted Tiesel and Ring as they fought each other with their pink blurry swords, obviously being the least serious of the bunch.

"Now you're all finished!" Kenishiro cackled. "I'll finally be able to infest the world with ads and make you all do my bidding!"

"We're not done fighting yet!" Kristen grinned. "Look over there!"

Kenishiro glanced at the far-off horizon, and as soon as he saw the Code Booster antenna emanating its glowing arc into the sky, his expression became one of certain impending horror. Turning back to the Net Saviors, he gritted his teeth and shouted, "Argh! How could you…what did you…I…I…"

"Aye aye, Captain Hook," Tron continued with a sweat drop on her forehead. "Blow me down and shiver me timbers."

"That doesn't matter!" Kenishiro replied, understandably somewhat desperate. "This battle will be won…within the few seconds I have! Adver Man, we must destroy them before the Code Destroyer is fully powered! Paladin Sword! SLOT-IN!"

"Now," Adver Man squealed as he stopped dancing and turned his right arm into a long and impressive glowing metallic sword, "if I go down I'll take all of you with me!"

"Not if we can help it!" Meiru shouted as Enzan placed his hand on her shoulder and moaned ominously:

"We can't…not at this point. Face it, there's nothing we can do."

"Okay," Mary said as she raised an eyebrow, "I don't know much about you except that you're egotistical. And when the most egotistical one gives in to defeat, that's pretty bad news…"

"I understand how you feel Mary," Meiru said while gritting her teeth and lowering her head, "but until the Code Destroyer is fully boosted, we have no way of attacking him in our weakened state."

"So it's over then?" Tiesel shouted. "We're just going to give up like that?"

"What else can we do?" Roll murmured. "Our current weapons don't stand a chance against him."

"Every attack we throw at him, he either deflects or turns it into comic relief!" Blues continued.

"Never thought I would fight a battle THIS hopeless…" Ciel whispered softly.

"This is all screwed up!" Ring cried as she started kicking angrily.

"The way everyone's talking makes me sick," Laika grunted. "I can't believe you're all willing to give in to this Kenishiro so easily. Well, that suits us just fine. If you're not going to do something about it…"

Searchman continued as he raised his rifle dramatically, "…then we will! H34DSH0T!"

"Sales Technique!" Adver Man replied. "Foot in the Door!"

With that, Searchman's shot turned back against him and severed his rifle arm from his body.

"Argh!" Searchman yelled. "My GOOD arm! Couldn't you have least taken…the OTHER one?"

"I'm not giving up just yet!" Tiesel shouted angrily. Just as he was about to attack, he looked at the weapon he held in his hand: the pink, blurry, Kids WB-friendly sword. At that point, he realized the harsh reality of the situation.

"You know what?" Tiesel muttered as he shrugged, indicating his acceptance of the demise that awaited them all. "I don't even care anymore."

"Well, guess it's time then!" Kenishiro shrugged. "Adver Man, we can't wait any longer! Delete their Net Navis NOW!"

"Gotcha!" Adver Man shouted as he leapt into the air. "PALADIN SWORD!"

The other Net Navis stared at the tiny blue menace rising into the air, wanting so desperately to kill it, and yet knowing that there was not a single slight chance of winning. Closing their eyes as Adver Man's brilliant blade descended upon them, their lives flashed before their eyes. Hopes, dreams, and memories long past. Within moments, Adver Man's sword made contact…

…but something unexpected happened.

"CODE DESTRUCTION MECHANISM COMPLETE."

Adver Man's sword de-materialized and once again became his normal right arm.

"That's our cue!" Blues called out as his right arm became a normal sword. "Everyone at once! For the sake of the real world, this menace must be destroyed, so that Earth will no longer be infested with annoying ads!"

"For the sake of the Cyber World," Ciel called as she summoned her Cyber Elves once again, "this little menace must be eliminated, so that the Internet will never again be littered with irritating pop-up windows!"

"For the sake of my sanity," Tiesel shouted as he turned both his arms into Long Swords, "I have to kill this little thingy before more marketing jingles get stuck in my head!"

"I second Tiesel!" continued Searchman as he re-materialized his rifle arm and prepared to fire at Adver Man. "I'll add that we must destroy all those annoying little company mascots like the Bar None Puppet or Ronald McDonald! Only then will I be lovin' it!"

"So it's settled then!" Ring cried. "For the sake of making friends, I'll kill somebody!"

Everybody looked over and raised their eyebrows at Mary, who shrugged obliviously, as obviously no logical explanation could be offered on Ring's behalf.

"Who are you people?" Adver Man asked as he tilted his head.

"Have you gone senile already, Adver Man?" Kenishiro shouted. "Those are our rivals! I won't bother to name them all, though…"

"Who are YOU?"

"I'm your operator!"

"What is an operator?"

Adver Man was nearing his deletion; his memory and body were being erased as he slowly began to de-materialize.

"NOW!" Blues cried. "ALL AT ONCE!"

Searchman fired. Blues, Tiesel, and Ring sliced. Ciel brought down her sword. All of their five weapons rained down on the chubby blue dissipating Net Navi like a hail of death descending from the heavens beyond.

And within a matter of almost instantaneous moments, Adver Man's physical form was deleted.

DEEP SPACE, LOW ORBIT WITH THE ADVER SATELLITE…

"It looks like the Code Destroyer and Code Booster worked!" Netto deduced happily. "Adver Man's Net Navi form has been deleted! That's OUR cue!"

With that, Slur appeared in the shuttle's main surveillance monitor with a brilliant white glow that was her signature entrance, calling to Yaito: "I've finished with the decoding of the final data required for the satellite's deactivation! Input code 1-3-3-7-WOOT-WOOT-H4X!"

"Only you, Kenishiro, only you," Yaito smirked as she put in the ridiculously amusing yet juvenile data entry, sealing Adver Man's fate.

The Code Destroyer's glow faded as its sequence completed…until suddenly a brilliant wave of energy emanated from its processor and shot in the direction of Duo's asteroid.

"Sir!" a NASA official called back to General Broad. "General Specific's device worked, and Adver Man's data has been returned to Duo's asteroid."

"Looks like we've done it for sure this time," Broad replied, grinning and sitting down to relax, something he obviously had not done in a while. "And look…just in time for the sunrise!"

The NASA personnel looked off into the distance as the brilliance of the sun's rays painted the once scorching and desolate desert wastelands into a magnificent crimson sea.

SAN CONSTANTINOPLE BEACH…

"Look at that," Enzan murmured as his eyes drifted off into the horizon. "Have you ever seen a more beautiful sunrise?"

"Well, I've been on vacation here many times before, so yes," Mary replied as she shrugged obliviously.

"Count me in!" Kristen replied as well. "I live here! I see it all the time!"

"I agree with Enzan, however," Laika said softly as he stared off into the sunrise. "Somehow this one seems better than all the others. Seeing the sun come up after a desperate fight makes it seem so much more worthwhile."

"Yes," was all Tron and Meiru really had to say.

"Have you forgotten about ME?" Kenishiro shouted as he rushed up from behind…only to be bonked over the head by Manabe and Yuuochirou Hikari, who had arrived with a squadron of Net Police to arrest Kenishiro.

"You have the right to an attorney!" Manabe dictated to the corrupted salesman. "If it turns out you're unable to afford one, one who is free but not nearly as good will be provided for you! You have the right to remain silent…and for goodness sakes, please do!"

"We're just glad we came in time to stop you!" Dr. Hikari shouted. "People, take him away, and lock him up somewhere we know he can't escape!"

"We DO have names, you know…" grunted one of the officers inaudibly.

"You haven't seen the last of me!" Kenishiro screamed as he was dragged into a police car, then continued as he was shoved into the back seat and had the rear door shut behind him, "…Or then again…"

"Calm down, Pops," a Net Policeman said as he got into the driver's seat. "You'll have all the time you need to sell your goods in prison…Ow! Hey, why'd you hit me?"

"Because I wanted to say that!" shouted the Net Policeman's partner as he got into the passenger's seat.

"Say," Kenishiro muttered suspiciously to the somewhat inept policemen, "…how much do both of you make?"

"Dude," said the driver as he slowly turned to face him, "that's not something you just straight-up ask someone, you know. Least of all a cop."

"Let me put it another way. Nobody really knows I've been arrested, yet? So there's really no trial scheduled, and the public still thinks I'm running around. That said, I'm talking about how much it'd take to get the both of you to put me back on the streets and pretend nothing ever happened."

The two policemen looked at Kenishiro, then back at each other, then toward the open road. As the police car moved down the road, they said the words that would once again release an unspeakable evil:

"…Keep talkin'."

The police car continued to drive off into the horizon…

U.S.A. EUWESSAE, RE-ENTRY INTO EARTH'S ATMOSPHERE…

"Wheeee!" Netto screamed as he waved around his astronaut helmet, moving around in his seat as though he were riding a bucking bronco.

"Netto, would you cut that out?" Shuuko screamed, although she had to admit she was pretty tempted to do that herself.

"You know," Yaito called back to the other two, "with all we've been through, if we died now during landing, it would definitely be ridiculous!"

"You're telling me…" Shuuko groaned, "considering I have a reputation as the Bad Luck Girl!"

"Hoo…that's bad," Netto murmured as he suddenly stopped playing cowboy and grabbed onto his bucket seat armrests for dear life.

The Euwessae, freshly incinerated from the friction heat of re-entry, descended slowly towards the San Constantinople runway and landed roughly with a loud screech of its landing gear signifying its return to the ground. A plethora of airport personnel walked toward the shuttle to congratulate the heroes…as well as award them with numerous sponsorship checks.

"This is where the heroism pays off!" Yaito said gleefully as she turned back to the others. "Let's go home, people!"

With that, the shuttle opened its doorway and an inflatable slide shot out of a hatch just below the exit, providing an amusing way to slide back to the ground. Yaito and Shuuko went first, followed by Netto, who had to be restrained from going down the slide again, all the while crying out, "I wanna go again! I wanna go again!"

Television reporter Midorikawa Kero was first on the scene, as usual. She greeted the returning heroes with a statement that was pretty much obvious by now:

"You've just saved the world! What do you plan to do now?"

"Drink strawberry milk on the beach until I explode!" Yaito responded happily, while flailing her arms out so that Kero could get a mental image of said explosion.

"Umm…work on my tan?" Shuuko blushed madly.

"Enjoy a world without commercials!" Netto shouted wildly as he raised his fists, his response producing the most rousing cheers of all. And with this, the airport personnel squirted champagne bottles all over him and his crew, as a few adults tried to catch the drops of otherwise wasted wine with their tongues.

SAN CONSTANTINOPLE BEACH…

"Hey guys!" Netto called out to Enzan and company as the entire group met in one place again, everyone dressed in their swimwear. "Hope we didn't keep you waiting!"

"Actually, you did!" Enzan replied as he placed his hands on his waist and glared at his somewhat clumsy but still reliable partner. Then he smiled for the first time in a long while as he shook Netto's hand and continued, "But somehow, we saw this one through anyway."

"So what do we do now?" Yaito asked with one eyebrow raised.

"For now, there doesn't seem to be anyone after us," Shuuko said, looking towards the sky for no apparent reason.

"I want to play at the beach!" Netto replied happily.

"We're with Netto!" cried Mary, Kristen, and Meiru.

"I plan to make the most of what I can of my paid vacation!" Enzan shouted happily, although with all due respect fighting off Adver Man wasn't really a vacation.

"I could use a little relaxation myself," Laika said as he stretched his arms and breathed deeply. "A week without a break can make a guy pretty ripe."

"So it's settled then!" Tron said gleefully as she took out her wallet and closed up the Mobile Network Array, hopefully for certain. "Non-alcoholic margaritas all around!"

"YEAH!" cried everyone else as they rushed off into the sunrise, or at least to the bar, to get their drinks.

DEEP SPACE, ABOARD DUO'S ASTEROID…

Duo looked hesitantly at Adver Man's returned Asteroid data as he murmured, "Now the real trouble begins."

"Real trouble?" Slur asked as she tilted her head in wonderment.

"On this entire planet," Duo said as he looked worriedly toward the Earth's curve, "there are hundreds of criminals exactly like Kenishiro, each at least as powerful as him, perhaps even more so."

"Yet there is still hope," Slur replied as she looked toward the stars. "As long as there are heroes like the Net Saviors to defend the world, humanity still has a chance of survival. They only need more time to prove themselves, and perhaps we will see that this is the worthiest planet of all."

"Agreed, for now, Earth shall live," Duo replied, closing his eyes. "It is simply too weird a planet to destroy."

And with that, Duo's asteroid shot off into the distant horizon, on toward the next planet to await his ultimate judgment.

In the battle for good and evil, there were heroes on both sides, fighting for one single purpose of victory, using a number of reasons as multiple paths to achieve that one end. A corrupt salesman and his devilishly evil yet adorable Net Navi challenged the combined might of the Net Saviors and their powerful Navis, and for this reason he had faced his ultimate folly…or had he?

The clashing and clanging of numerous glasses of champagne echoed across San Constantinople Beach. The Net Saviors cried rousing cheers as they downed their non-alcoholic drinks to the rhythm of the foaming, crashing waves.

As far as they were concerned, the battle was already won.

END PART XXXII


	33. Chapter 33: Epilogue

EPILOGUE: BETTER DAYS AHEAD

MAHA ICHIBAN CURRY SHOP…

"ARGH!" Elec Hakushaku grunted as he entered the curry shop in an easily visible tired state. "Why do we have to pass out these flyers? It's so unbelievably tiring…"

"Hey, it can't be helped!" Madoi murmured as she tended to customer orders in the crowded shop. "Ever since Adver Man was destroyed, there are no more commercials!"

"Agreed," Hinoken said as he cleaned finished tables and picked up customer tabs, all the while wearing an apron that read: Kiss the Cook or Die. "Ever since there were no more ads on the Internet or on TV, we've been forced to do things the conventional way!"

"Hey, at least we have a new full-time personnel member to balance out our work load!" Mahajorama said happily as he looked back toward Dekao, busy preparing the mix and final ingredients for his latest experiment: Atomic Happy Stew.

"Hehe!" Dekao shouted as he rubbed his nose. "This one's gonna be HOT! Both off the pan and on your tongue! It just needs a little something-or-other!"

With that, he took out a flask filled with a bright crimson liquid and poured it into the curry.

"No! Don't do it!" Madoi cried in vain.

"You'll kill us all!" Hinoken screamed, the palms of his hands furiously grating against his scalp.

"It's too late!" Count Elec shouted as he found cover beneath a table. "Everyone duck for cover!"

"DO IT! DO IT!" shouted the excited customers.

The minute the red liquid made contact with the curry…it detonated messily, spreading declicious, delicately seasoned firey stew all over the shop.

"So how'd I do?" Dekao asked, staring around at his pride and joy.

Mahajorama got up from the mess and embraced his apprentice, tears of unbridled joy in his eye, as the other members of the former World Three grudgingly began cleaning up.

NEO WORLD THREE HEADQUARTERS, GAUSS MAGNETS…

"Beautiful!" Sunayama cried. "Brad and Susan finally made up!"

"Er…didn't Brad mistakenly eat Susan's donuts, causing another breakup in Episode 30?" Tesla Magnets asked in bewilderment.

"You must be thinking about episode 27," Gauss Magnets replied while rolling his eyes. "You're also mistaken about the donuts. That was Kevin, who broke up with Devon after accidentally taking out the trash and tripping on a banana peel, spilling his trash all over her."

"Shh!" Rei whispered as he turned to face the others. "Susan's about to break up with Brad again!"

"Oh, this is going to be so GOOD!" Takeo squealed while limply waving his wrists and jumping up and down.

"You know," Narcy Hide sighed, "this soap opera of ours gets so much more enjoyable…"

And with that, all members of the Neo World Three continued in unison:

"…WHEN IT'S COMMERCIAL FREE!"

BEIJING, CHOINA…

Jasmine sighed as Cardamom continued to remain glued to the television. Now that there were no commercials for him to see, he could watch all his favorite programs uninterrupted. Jasmine would have no problem with this…if Cardamom didn't constantly hound her to watch his favorite TV moments with him.

"Jasmine! Come quickly!" Cardamom shouted. "You're missing the part where MacGyver makes an atomic destruction laser gun out of his microwave and a palm tree!"

Jasmine sighed, once again leaving her work as a pharmacist for the better part of amusement.

SNUGGLES DIAPERS, SECRET HEADQUARTERS OF THE NET SAVIORS…

"What?" Manabe cried. "You and Tron have made up?"

"Yeah," Casket sighed. "We decided that slipping over a banana peel that either one of us could have dropped to begin with wasn't really worth fighting over after all."

"Not…not even a little fight now?"

"Yup, squeaky clean!"

"Maybe now we'll finally get some peace and quiet around here!" Meijin and Kifune shouted in unison.

"Hopefully not too much," Yuuichirou Hikari murmured. "Things around here get pretty boring without any action…now that Adver Man's gone. There will be others…and soon enough too."

Manabe congratulated Casket, and then walked off slightly disturbed that there was no more fighting between the two of them to keep her occupied, at this crucial point when crime was at an all-time low. She may have been a Net Savior leader of noble intentions, but even she was prone to enjoy a little gossip.

DEEP SPACE, ABOARD DUO'S ASTEROID…

"Have the modifications to the Adver Code been completed yet?" Slur asked as she woke up from a much-needed afternoon nap.

"I've recalibrated the data for Adver Man and activated his new protocol," Duo replied. "The new Navi should be ready to reboot any moment now.; however, he needs a new host, one whose body he can use. I have not granted him a new personality…the possibility of Adver Man's data re-entering the intelligence matrix is too risky."

"Then we shall activate him now," Slur said worriedly as she closed her eyes, not knowing if this new Asteroid Navi, with its red cloak, angelic cybernetic halo, and oddly adorable appearance slightly resembling Adver Man, would bring as much horror as the last. "What human shall we bestow this new one on?"

"I already have the perfect candidate," Duo replied, staring at the as-yet-unactivated Navi floating before him. "An amateur criminal working in Aron City in Amerope."

"Then it is done," Slur replied as she opened her eyes and transformed the new creation born from Adver Man into data. "I will take him to this candidate of yours…I only hope that he never learns of the horrible tragedy that was his past."

With this, Slur emailed herself back to Earth, back to a hotel room in the uptown beachside district that was Aron City. She entered a computer network in the hotel and her eyes met with a somewhat powerfully built, late-teenage male.

"You are the one known as Chin…" Slur began softly as the man woke up in a T-shirt and boxers, rubbing the back of his head. "I shall grant your wishes of achieving a name for yourself in the criminal circle. I shall use this data to turn your standard Navi into…"

A brilliant flash, and a series of high-pitched squeaks later…

"…Asteroid Navi…Cyber Man!"

The tiny, chubby, adorable little weapon of ultimate destruction greeted its new master with a wave of its chibi hands, and in the third and final brilliant flash of light, Slur was gone. A tall and slender teenage purple-haired female entered the room and yawned as she moaned, "Ugghhh…what happened here…Chin?"

"Nothing much…Lumine," Chin responded with a slight grin as he stared down at his new Navi. "I think our problems were just solved."

"Blind.exe…what do you think of Chin's new Navi?" Lumine asked as she looked down at her own PET.

"I think it looks rather simple, and the cuteness is rather deceiving," said a mysterious and charismatic blue fox-like Navi with moth wings, nine glowing tails, a Chinese harp, and a purple kimono. "But like all other enemies we have faced, I'll wait until I see him fight to reserve my ultimate judgment."

Chin and Lumine stared at the little chubby red Navi as it waved cutely at them…and waved back nervously. What would become of Lumine and Blind, and of Chin and Cyber Man…remained to be seen.

DENSAN CITY ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, THE END OF SPRING…

Mariko sighed happily as the students ran cheering out of the school, then opened a small safe beneath her desk to reveal a swimsuit and straw hat. Finally, three months of relaxation where all she needed to worry about was whether her tan was even. Come to think of it, that was a big worry, but it sure beat thinking about more tests to spend the week grading.

"FINALLY!" Netto cried as he was the first out of the school gates. "Summer vacation begins now!"

"Um, Netto…" Meiru murmured with a sweat drop on her forehead, "weren't we just at the beach a few days ago?"

"I can't say I blame him, really," Yaito shrugged. "Once you go to San Constantinople, you can't really dream of anywhere else you'd rather go."

"Agreed!" Shuuko nodded. "However, I can't help but wonder if we'll ever see any of Kenishiro and Adver Man again."

"I'd prefer you not bring that up," Mary murmured as she shuddered with disgust. "All that aside, I'd like to spend some more time somewhere relaxing before I have to go back to France."

Suddenly, a long black limousine pulled up in front of the school, and as the rear door opened, everyone saw a group of very familiar faces: Enzan, Kristen, Laika and Tron.

"Get packed and ready!" Enzan shouted happily. "I've just been granted a whole new week of paid vacation after the Net Savior department and my board members heard of all our heroics!"

"We've even found the perfect place, too!" Kristen cried gleefully.

"The best place to relax and have fun that I can think of, I'll say that much," said Laika as he grinned, a very rare sight indeed.

"Y-you don't mean…" Netto stammered as his face lit up.

"That's right!" Tron replied. "WALT DIZZY WORLD!"

"ALL RIGHT!" everyone screamed as they ran home at light speed, got packed in a matter of minutes, then ran at frightening speed to meet Enzan, who was still waiting in his limousine.

"We would have taken each of you home to pack, you know," Enzan muttered with a sweat drop adorning his forehead.

"Running's faster!" everyone replied happily. "Now let's go!"

"Not a moment too soon, either," Enzan replied, an expression of anxious happiness spread across his face. And with that, the limousine sped off toward Densan City International Airport, tires smoking in its wake.

IPC CORPORATION'S CHIEF RIVAL, CONGLOMOCORP WORLD HEADQUARTERS…

A man in an red Aloha shirt and brown hat sat down to begin yet another day at work. He removed his hat and, after thanking his new employers for hiring him to such a high position, thought of the perfect scheme with which to get back at his previous employer. He opened his laptop computer and activated his email account, which upon activation, uttered a monotone message: "WELCOME."

The man sat in his new corner office, typing furiously as the room became ever dimly lit…and then he turned his head toward the ceiling and shouted:

"HEY! Get some light in here! Who's paying the electricity bill here, or did it all go to TAXES again?"

And with that, his laptop hissed an ominous message of foreboding doom:

"YOU HAVE MAIL…KENISHIRO."

Netto Hikari. Enzan Ijuin. Meiru Sakurai. Shuuko Kido. Kristen Adams. Mary Towa. Tron. Laika. Yaito. All the names of elite rank Net Battlers. They have faced countless trials to achieve their hopes, goals, and dreams. And yet they all have names by which others call them, they still have yet to make other names for themselves. Will the world be safely sheltered beneath the arms of these new heroes, or will evil rule once again? The troubling past, the worrisome present, the uncertain future…all these will depend on the consequences of their future actions.

THE END


End file.

Mega Man, Adventure, Humor