Naruto 1. The beginning!

Name: Naruto Question/Torture fic.

Description: Yeah… this is what happens when you combine me, the world of Naruto, and the ability to kidnap people randomly.

Authors Note: WOOHOO! R&R to submit questions/tortures! ALL REVIEWS CAN AND WILL BE USED UNLESS THEY DO SOMETHING I AM AGAINST! (about 1/1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 chance) Also… NaruHina lovers may kill me in later chapters 

(Due to the fact that I am unable to put lines in here without auto-deleting itI will half-heartedly spam to separate the notes from the actual story)

**BEGIN STORY BEGIN STORY BEGIN STORY BEGIN STORY BEGIN STORY BEGIN STORY BEGIN STORY BEGIN STORY BEGIN STORY BEGIN STORY BEGIN STORY BEGIN STORY BEGIN STORY BEGIN STORY BEGIN STORY**

Author: (Floating in spaceship mentioned in DBZ Fanfic) Hm… I think I'll bug someone else this time. (Teleports into building)

(Cue intro scene with random old torn up building with no exits)

Author: Wow this place is a dump. (Gives it unstained/unbroken whitewash walls and a red painted doorway with a NOT painted doorknob sticking out) That'll come in handy later… hehe.

(Suddenly Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi fall in from the ceiling)

Sasuke: … wtf.

Naruto: (Same)

Sakura: (Duh)

Kakashi: (reading porn book oblivious to all around him)

Naruto: (Sneaks up behind Kakashi and yells really loud) KAKASHI-SENSEI!

Kakashi: (unfazed) yes, Naruto?

Naruto: IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED WE'RE NOT IN KONOHA ANY MORE!

Kakashi: (Suddenly puts away porno book, looks around, and lets out an extremely girly scream before fainting)

Naruto: What the hell happened to him?

Sasuke: (Thinks back to the poster they were looking at saying "New Icha Icha Paradise book coming out today!") No clue…

Author: Just realized he's seen the last of his precious Icha Icha Paradise probably… (burns book Kakashi was holding)

Sakura: And just who are you?

Author: Your worst nightmare.

Sasuke: Hn.

Author: God you are so much like Hiei and Vegeta its not even funny…

Sasuke: Hiei… vegeta? Wtf?

Author: I'll tell you when you're older.

Sasuke: -.-

Author: I'll explain to you now why I brought you here. You will now submit to my will, do whatever I so desire, and answer questions by reviewers.

Sasuke: What the hell makes you think I'd do that?

Author: … I'll kill Itachi before you can if you don't.

Sasuke: YOU WOULDN'T DARE!

Author: (Summons Itachi, kills him, revives him, and sends him back before any of you could blink) As you were saying?

Sasuke: OK FINE YOU WIN!

Author: Good to know! R&R!


	2. FIRST REVIEW!

Gamer: (Bursts through the door) SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND! (Fires off random bullets)

All: EEEEKKKK (dodge)

Gamer: Whew. NOW LISTEN UP AND LISTEN GOOD, CUZ IM ONLY GONNA SAY THIS ONCE! NARUTO IS IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM MINE!

All: Thank god…

Gamer: OI! First questions now, stand sharp!

_**Kakashi:  
Quiestions  
Do you wear your mask when you shower?  
Why do you enjoy that book so much? (Burn book)(again)  
Who do you like better, Anko or Kurenai?  
Why did you leave the anbu?  
Torture  
dye hair purple  
have whichever of the two girls he liked better come and attack him**_

Sasuke:  
Quiestions  
Why are you so obsessed with revenge, i mean, lots of people have lost familys, why did you let it take over your life?  
Do you really hate Sakura?  
Torture  
put him in a room with a bunch of fangirls  
turn him into a kitten! don't let sakura know its him and give him to her.

Kakashi: No, because if someone was stupid enough to spy on me it would either be a hot woman or a guy whom I would kill.

Naruto: O.o (Hides random "get Kakashi-sensei's face while he's showering" plans)

Kakashi: How can you burn it again… (book reappears) HAPPY DAY! I like it so much because its my favorite type of reading… Hentai. (Books is burned) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (Holds funeral service for ashes of book wearing black mask)

Gamer: Oi, how pathetic…

Kakashi: Uh… (cough) I don't think that's particularly in public…

Gamer: Answer stupid. (Kicks in butt)

Kakashi: NO!

Gamer: Damn… (Pulls out electric anal probe) guess I'll have to use this… borrowed it from some alien dude.

Kakashi: O.o ok… uh… Kurenai? (Hair is died purple) Heyyy… Im supposed to look old. Oh well, guess im hip now.

All: Gather around Kakashi like he is a popular guy at school and start gibbering on.

Gamer: Pathetic…

Kakashi: AH!

Kurenai: Come here sexy devil you!

Kakashi: Mother $&! (runs)

Kurenai: Wow he must be gay.

Gamer: (Sigh) probably…

Kakashi: HEY!

Sasuke: … has anyone you know lost everyone related to them and at least 100 people in one day? I didn't think so. Yes I hate her, she keeps buggin me!

Sakura: SASUKE-KUN! (Glomps) 

Sasuke: YOU SEE!?!?

Naruto: Lucky idiot….

Sasuke: Hn.

Sasuke: Oh… shit… (Beaten, Mugged, raped, and trampled by fangirls all in less than five seconds while having his ear drums explode from high-pitched screams) AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Gamer: O.o those fangirls moved even faster than I can.

Kakashi: Lucky idiot…

Gamer: (Strikes up two under "Lucky" and two under "Idiot" for Sasuke's personality profile.) Lol.

Sasuke: Give me that!

Gamer: (Summons, kills, revives, and returns Itachi in that order) 

Sasuke: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! WTF?!?! (Kittenized)

Gamer: Oh saaaakura…

Sakura: OOOOHHH KAWAAAIIIII!!! (Squeezes kitten in huge hug)

Sasuke: (Turning blue) Can't breathe…

Gamer: O.o I didn't know a cats fur turned blue when you strangled it.

Sasuke: (Poofs back to normal, still choking)

Sakura: So cute…

Sasuke: Sakura… im not… a kitten…

Sakura: (Notices, blinks, and goes right back to hugging)

Sasuke: Son… of a… bitch. (Passes out) 

Gamer: lol… Remember to read and review! And vote: Should I bring in

Neji

Hinata

Rock Lee

Shikamaru

Kiba

Tenten

Shino

Chouji

Ino

R&R again!


	3. Kiba and Hinata, come on dowwwwn

Gamer: (Walks in to find everyone sleeping) HEY, WAKE UP!

All: (Don't move)

Gamer: (Walks over and kicks one to see it's a log with genjutsu on it to make it look like the guys) Oi!!!! (Kicks others to find same thing) Well… they couldn't have gotten far… as long as they didn't somehow find my stash of Kakashi's porn books to burn and watch as he cries…

Kakashi: (Screams like a fangirl in happiness, so that people in Japan hear him)

Gamer: Yep, they found it… (Opens up floorpanel and leaps down)

All: (See Gamer walk in and turn on light and glare at them) DAMNIT HE FOUND US!!!

Gamer: I installed this thing, of course I'll find you… anyway, question time! (Kicks them all upstairs) Oh, and reading ahead, the votes tally in that kiba and Hinata are coming in! (Randomly teleports said people in)

Both: Where the heck are we?

All: (Explain at lightspeed)

Both: Oh… great…

**Hey Gamer, A really cool forum you have going!  
Questions:  
Naruto - Are you really so clueless that you haven't figured out yet that Hinata loves you?**

Gamer, please bring in Hinata and make her tell Naruto how she feels and then follow it up with a lusty kiss between them.

Kakashi - I don't think your gay, I think your afflicted with the same shyness Hinata has with Naruto, only for you its with Kurenai.

Gamer, please bring back Kurenai and have Kakashi do what Hinata just did I.E. Kiss and Tell!

Sasuke - Since you hate Sakura, shave her head bald please. And then tell everyone you're an emo gay.

Sakura - Why are you such an annoying ?

Hinata - You are probably really happy now that you're with Naruto. I'll make you happier by requesting you hit Sakura in her bald-headed face.(You know you want too.)

Thanks Gamer, I guess I've already voted for Hinata and Kurenai, so I'll have more questions and requests next time. Peace out!

Gamer: Uh… forum? I think you mean story, and thanks!

Naruto: Hinata… likes me?

Sakura and Sasuke: (Smack foreheads)

Hinata: (Does that weird thing where she pushes ends of fingers together)

Kiba: OH NO YOU DON'T! (Tackles Naruto and rolls into classic Anime dustball fight, involving Kiba, Akamaru, and Naruto)

Sasuke: Whu-woah! (Gets pulled into battle)

Gamer: (Sighs and places arm around Hinata's shoulder)

Hinata: (Blush)

Gamer: Oh no, you didn't!

Hinata: (Starts walking toward Naruto who was thrown out of the dustball, and yet idiot Kiba keeps fighting Sasuke) Um… Naruto…

Naruto: Yeah, Hinata?

Gamer: OH NO YOU DON'T! (Blasts Naruto with Rasengan and sends him flying into the sky)

Hinata: O.o Naruto! (Faints)

Gamer: (Catches) Guess what? That was the 1/10000000000000000000000000000 thing im against. Mehehe. Hinata is mine!

Hinata: (Wakes up) What about me?

Gamer: err… nothing.

Kakashi: What, no!!

Gamer: Im not against that, you're out of luck Kakashi! (Brings in Kurenai)

Kakashi: Must… resist… foolish reviewers… request… (Barely stops self from walking over and saying)

Gamer: O.o I need to increase the Reviews powers, apparently they're not strong enough to work on a top Jounin… (Amps up Review Power from 1 to 10 with random knob)

Kakashi: (Has seizure before SPRINTING up to Kurenai) I LOVE YOU!

Kurenai: (In shock)

Kakashi: (Grabs by back and stomach and pulls into huge long kiss)

Gamer: This fic just turned into Romance (Rolls eyes)

Kakashi: (Review power ends and Kurenai disappears and starts spitting) CUUUURRRSEEEE YOU REVIEWWEEEEEEEEEEEERRR!!!

Gamer: (Burns random book of Kakashi's from underground stash) Stop cursing the reviewer!

Kakashi: (Lightbulb over head) Waaiiit… that's where all my books have been going! YOU have been stealing them!!!

Gamer: Yeah, to torture you.

Kakashi: Damn you.

Sasuke: Uh… okay. (Shaves Sakura's head) What?!? NO! I am not gay! And I am not emo!

Gamer: (Reveals Sasuke's scarred arms)

Sasuke: … im not gay.

Gamer: (Shows all Orochimaru/Sasuke tape)

All: (Launch their lunches)

Sasuke: You bastard, that's fake!

Gamer: suuure….

Sasuke: (Growls)

Hinata: Uhm… im still not with Naruto… what?!?! No! Sakura is my friend! And she's too busy crying over her bald head… I don't want to hit her! (Forced to anyway)

Sakura: (Pancake style crab-walks off stage)

Gamer: (Grumbling) She shouldn't be with Naruto…

Naruto: (Finally lands after being hit and is flatter than Sakura from impact)

Gamer: (Kicks) Bout time you got back, more questions!

**great job i luved it! Thanks for answering my questions! Bring in HINATA! And Tenten and Neji! And Kiba! And have naruto and kiba fight over hinata just cause its funny! Lol, bring in everyone! Lol!!**

Gamer: I already brought in Kiba and Naruto, since they were your first and last named people, and they already had a bit of a tussle…

Kiba: (Still fighting Akamaru since they're the only two left in giant dustball)

Gamer: Idiot… (Strikes up "Idiot) under Kiba's personality profile) And they don't need to fight over Hinata necessarily… we already confirmed she's mine. (Naruto grin)

Kiba and Naruto: WHAT?!?! (Start fighting me in giant dustball of Kiba, Naruto, Akamaru, and me)

Gamer: AH! Knock it ooofffff (Random fighting continues) Gah, that's it for this chapter guys! Remember, I can't write long chapters without lotsa reviews!!! So R&R!


	4. Dedicated to the only reviewer

Gamer: (Randomly poofs in) Well, we don't have as many reviews as last chapter…

All: SCORE!

Gamer: Oh be quiet or I'll tie you all up and let Orochimaru in.

All: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! DON'T EVEN KID ABOUT THAT!

Gamer: Good, then be quiet. As I was saying, we're dedicating this chapter to the one person who reviewed. KING KAKASHI!

Hey Gamer, A really good "story" so far.  
Questions:

**1. Kakashi - You really need to get over your obsession with and learn what to do with a real girl. Gamer, please burn another book and then place Kakashi in a locked bedroom tied down to a bed with Kurenai for 15 minutes. She can do anything she wants, to him (heh,heh.)**

2. Sasgay - Now that it's been established that you are emo and gay. Are you going to change your style of clothes and start wearing makeup? You can borrow both from Sakura, she doesn't need them with that giant bald head of hers anymore. Also, are you getting royalties from your Orochimaru/Sasuke films, or did he screw you out of those as well? LOL

3. Gamer - I had no idea you wanted Hinata for yourself. Is their any other girl in the Naruto universe you would rather have? I mean it seems kind of cruel to seperate Hinata from Naruto. She's loved him since day one. Plus, she's way too timid for a super-powered being such as yourself.

4. Sakura - Since your bald-headed freak now and Sasgay is lost to you. Why don't you see if Lee would still be interested in you?

5. Lee - Do you still want Sakura?

6. Gamer - Could you bring in Jiraiya and Tsunade and force them to admit they've been secretly seeing each other for years. Let's face it, they're both too old for anyone else.

7. Kiba - Do you wear a flea collar?

Thanks again Gamer, you rock. Peace Out!

Gamer: Thanks again. And thanks for correcting yourself lol.

Kakashi: What!?? No, don't!!!

Gamer: Hehe. (Burns another of Kakashi's collection)

Kakashi: Noooo, myyyy precious!!!! (Huddles like Gollum over fallen book)

Gamer: Sweet jesus its progressed even further! (Sends him in room and ties to bed then summons Kurenai)

Kurenai: (Appears in leather outfit holding whip) Thank you.

Gamer: Oh sweet jesus… (lets her in) I think she was waiting for this.

Kakashi: (Muffled yelling through door) No… no don't touch that… no stop it, that hurts… no don't, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Gamer: Poor, poor Hatake Kakashi…

Sasuke: Damnit I am not gay! And what the fuck? I do NOT get royalties from those films!

Gamer: So you admit they're real?

Sasuke: WHAT?!?! NO! I DON'T GET ROYALTIES BECAUSE THEY DON'T EXIST!!!

Gamer: Suuure….

Sasuke: No way in hell am I putting on makeup either!

Gamer: Nope. Only one. Hah, super-powered? Not even close… I can kidnap people and I just happen to be stronger than all these guys put together. (Rolls eyes) Not super powered, just look like it standing next to them. Lol.

Sakura: Lee? I forgot about Lee… maybe if he stopped being so obsessed with youth! He drives me insane every time im around him!

Lee: (Isn't here right now)

Gamer: Good idea! (poofs him in)

Lee: Yes I do! (Gets on knee) SAKURA MARRY ME!

Sakura: What?!?! NO!

Lee: (Cries and sulks off)

Gamer: Why not. (Poofs them both in and double checks reviewer strength meter)

Jiraiya: Yes, I love you Tsunade!

Tsunade: (Kisses)

Gamer: Oh for gods sake ENOUGH OF THE ROMANCE! Especially between two people in their late uh… HUNDREDS!

Tsunade: HEY! (Chases)

Gamer: Ah crap. I FORGOT NOT TO EVER BRING IN A SAANIN!!! Damn her superstrength…

Tsunade: (Punches me through a wall)

Gamer: (Comes up glaring) You've made a powerful enemy. (Sends back to Naruto dimension right next to the entire Akatsuki group) Good luck with that… Oh and reviewer, I guess that answers your question since they weren't exactly objecting to the kiss after the review power ended lol.

Kiba: Uh… maybe. What's it mean to you.

Gamer: Answer the reviewer. (Truth serum)

Kiba: Yes. DAMNIT!

Gamer: HA! I need more reviews if you guys want longer chapters, so get an account and review already! Lol.

Author's Note: Due to Fanfiction deleting one of my other stories for being a self-insertion, user-interactive, and various other things, I am going to Start saving these chapters after I make them as well as the ones I have already made. I WILL announce if I (Which I won't unless I don't get reviews) cancel this fic, so if it just disappears don't worry, I'll repost it in a few days as my way of saying fuck you to the strict-ass people who deleted my other fanfic.


	5. And the fun gets better, IM BACKZ

Gamer: YAY!

All: …

Gamer: Killjoys.

Sasuke: Let me guess. More reviews?

Gamer: Yep. Mwahahaha. By the way, im sooooo sorry this took so long! But don't worry, im back! And I will continue to write until the day I die!

All others: (Hide "Murder the author and sneak away plans" and think "Maybe not that long then…")

Gamer: (Glares at all)

All: (Whistle)

Gamer: REVIEW TIME!

_**Stardreamer87**_

_**Still sore from being crashed into a wall?  
1.Bring in Shippuden Sakura  
2. Bring in Garra,die his hair pink  
3.Make him be perky  
4.Bring in Ino and make Ship Sakura,kick her  
5. Make Ino fat, and geeky  
6.Make OrachieMaro do the bunny dance  
7.Make Garra join him  
8.Burn 5 of Kakashies books all at once  
9.Bring inside Sakura out and make her join ShipSakura in kicking Inos **_

Gamer: Yes. (Forces Sakura to give me a backrub) ah that's better.

Sakura: (Vein twitches) I will so kill you when I get control of my body back.

Gamer: Yeah yeah yeah... maybe if you weren't so mean to Naruto I wouldn't make you do this.

Sakura: (Vein twitches again)

Gamer: Nah... one, this isn't Shippuden. Sorry. Two, if I did both Sakura's would see each other and explode. That whole space-time continuum thingy. Oh, good idea… (Zaps in a pink-haired Gaara)

Gaara: … I will kill you. (Tries to bring out sand, fails)

Gamer: Ha, all your sand has been replaced with cat litter… used.

Gaara: (Throws up)

Gamer: HA! Well… I dunno about Ship. Sakura but…

Ino: (appears and is briefed in on the situation) Uh… Oh…

Sakura: WOOHOO!!!! (Proceeds to beat the crap out of Ino)

Ino: OH GOD MY LEGS!! OUCH DON'T BITE ME! NOOO… (Gets uglied) MY FIGURE! MY FACE!!! AHHHHH

Gamer: Good idea! That was funny… Uh… okay? (Poof)

Orochimaru: Can't… stop… the beat! (Does Chicken Dance)

Gamer: Oops! (Poof)

Orochimaru: Gah, fluffiness! (Bunny Dance)

Gaara: God… damn… you… can't… fight… the music! (Bunny dances)

Gamer: O.o okay that's just creepy. (Poofs Oro away) Oh… great idea…

Kakashi: YOU WOULDN'T DARE!

Gamer: MWAHAHAHA (Burns five books at once)

Kakashi: NOOOOOO!!!! (Starts grabbing books and throwing them into walls to put them out, then cries over every page that's half-burnt)

Gamer: … He gets worse every chapter. Meh. Regular Sakura is already doing it, Inside Sakura wouldn't make things too different. But, you're the reviewer! (Poofs inside Sakura out)

Inner Sakura: (Like the Kool-aid man) OHHH YEAAHHHHH!!!! (Starts doing unmentionably painful things to Ino)

Kiba: I don't think a head is supposed to bend like that…

Gamer: You idiot, they aren't supposed to bend at all. Well, next review!

_**Kitty and Amethyst**_

_**Could you bring in Deidara and Tobi please? They're my favorites. :D**_

Either way,

Sasuke: You used to be my favorite character. But then you turned to _**the dark side**__**. And made Deidara blow himself up. I'll never forgive you for the last one. Right then, here's stuff for you to do. :D**_

-Kiss Sakura.  
-Get the same treatment Kakashi got from Kurenai in chapter four. Only with you and Sakura. :D  
-After that, you have to be locked in a room with Tobi. For the rest of the fic.

P.S. I'm probably the only one here who doesn't think you're gay. Even if you name does sound like mentioned word.

Tobi:

-TAKE OFF THE MASK. WE WANNA SEE WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE.  
-How do you feel about the DeidaraxTobi pairing?  
P.S. You're hilarious and for that you're my second favorite Akatsuki member. :D

Deidara:

-How do you feel about the DeidaraxTobi pairing?  
-Lock yourself in a closet with Tobi and Sasuke.

Gamer: Uh… afraid I haven't seen enough of Naruto to know those two's personalities to do them. Sorry 

Sasuke: The Dark Side has cookies… (munches on Chocolate Chip) What?! No! (Drawn Towards Sakura) Shit…

Sakura: YAY! (Kisses)

Sasuke: Oh god… bitch-taste.

Inner Sakura: OH NO HE DIDN'T!!! AHHHHHHHHH (Horrible and bloody scene unfolds)

Gamer: (After scene) good god… I did not know emo bodies had so much blood in them. Guess they have to, to survive all that wrist cutting… for Sasuke's sake… (Puts Inner Sakura back inside of regular Sakura) HEY! I just realized something?

Sasuke: Oh god what now?!?!

Gamer: Kakashi got some other treatment from Kurenai… (Chains Sasuke to bed)

Sasuke: NO! You wouldn't dare!

Gamer: Oh, now I have to. That's a challenge! (Opens door for Sakura and gives her a whip, and a leather outfit with yet another poof)

Sakura: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! (Runs into room and starts doing her thing to Sasuke)

Sasuke: NO! That's not supposed to go there! That feels so wrong! Don't you dare touch that… wait, what are you doing with…. NOOOOOOO!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

Gamer: Dear god, Sakura must have a sick mind.

All: (Nod)

Gamer: NEXT REVIEW

_**this is to sasuke: get a life you cant kill itachi he is way stronger and smexier than you are**_

and this is to naruto: i love you!

Sasuke: JUST SHUT UP!!! (Runs off to Akatsuki Hideout)

Gamer: Hm. Who wants to place bet? (Before anyone can stop it at least three billion Naruto universe dollars are placed on Itachi) Who didn't see that coming…

Sasuke: (Randomly teleports back in stiff as a board)

Gamer: Well… what happened?

Sasuke: (Randomly falls into about a thousand pieces)

Hinata and Sakura: (Faint)

All others: Uh… I think he lost… (claim their bet money)

Gamer: Dang, next time im not opening the bet to such an obvious win from Itachi… (Looks at pile of Sasuke) Yuch. Well, might as well get this eyesore out of here. (Zaps Sasuke back to normal)

Sasuke: I saw… the most horrible thing ever…

Gamer: (puts hand over Sasuke's mouth) You've seen Orochimaru naked when you two made those videos so I can't even bear to think about something worse!

Sasuke: (Bites hand)

Gamer: AHHH!! Infected with gay germs! (Turns on Byakugan randomly) You're gonna pay! (Anime dustball fight)

Naruto: O.o really? Yay! I DO HAVE FANS! IN YOUR FACE SAS-GAY!

(Shows fight still going on between me and Sasuke)

Kiba: Well… since I haven't gotten a part yet and he's busy, NEXT REVIEW!

_**ONLY REVIEWER?! Ehem, i believe that i have reviewed for almost every fricken chapter!! THAT'S SO HARSH! WA! okya heres stuff**_

Sasuke: Are you SURE those films don't exist? (Gamer if you can find them adn Sasuke hasn't hidden them yet bring one in to prove to Sasuke they exist)  
Sasuke: Do you have issues with being called Emo even though you are?  
Sakura: Ha! I LAUGH AT YOU'RE PAIN!  
Hinata: You must make everyone COOKIES!  
Tsunade: wait...is she still alive? If so, she must attack sasuke for being emo!!  
Naruto: Okay seriously, whats up with the ramen obsession?  
Gamer: Please send Lee to Jupiter. That is all

Gamer: Well, you didn't review last chapter! Don't worry… random fans get treats. (Throws doggy biscuit) there's yours!

Sasuke: Yes I am sure! HE just likes to make fake videos for his own sick pleasure!

Gamer: I WILL kill you before this fic is over for that. (Opens door to room filled with video tapes) And how do you explain those?

Sasuke: Well, you obviously put blank tapes in there so that everyone would THINK I made them!

Gamer: (chains Sasuke to a chair for hours and makes him watch all of the videos)

Sasuke: (Vomits the whole time)

Gamer: So… now you know, Orochimaru was filming during your little sessions!

Sasuke: Damn that bastard… uh… I mean-

Gamer: AHAH! AHA!!!!! GAY BASTARD!!!! 

All: (Realize the tape they saw earlier really was real and vomit themselves to death)

Sasuke: Oh god, im going to kill you when I get out of this thing! (Struggles against chains on chair)

Gamer: You're a sick, sick little boy you know that.

Sasuke: I am not emo!

Gamer: (Releases from chains and Reveals wrists to the public again)

Sasuke:… do you have to do that every time I say im not emo… (sulks in the corner)

Gamer: NOW THAT'S EMO!

Sakura: Why!??! (Starts crying and water level in room rises rapidly)

Gamer: (Head hits ceiling as I float on rising water) If I don't do something the whole lot of us are going to drown!

All: THEN LET US OUT OF HERE BEFORE THAT HAPPENS! 

Gamer: NO! (Restores Sakura's hair and installs an emergency tear-drain on the floor)

Sakura: YAY! MY BEAUTIFUL PINK HAIR IS BACK!!!

Gamer: Dear god, I may regret this yet…

Hinata: But I don't know how to make cookies… (Review power starts and she magically makes delicious chocolate-chip cookies) O.o how did I do that?!?

Gamer: I don't know. Reviews have mystical power over you guys here. Oh and I had a change of heart… (gives each person who has reviewed a chocolate chip cookie and then thrusts Naruto and Hinata together)

Naruto and Hinata: (Lips interlock)

(Ten minutes later)

Gamer: ALRIGHT! Before this fic becomes M-rated im going to have to (Pulls out giant spatula and separates the two)

Both: Aww…

Gamer: BAH!

Naruto: ITS DELICIOUS! (Bowl poofs in out of nowhere and he starts eating it)

All: HEY! WE HAVEN'T HAD ANYTHING TO EAT YET EITHER! SHARE! (HUGE Anime dustball forms as everyone but I starts fighting over the bowl of Ramen)

Gamer: You know, I hate to see good food go to waste. (Starts eating Ramen)

All: (Finish the fight and lay on the floor half-dead, save Naruto whose love for Ramen gave him the strength to win)

Naruto: YES! NOW I CAN EAT MY… (See's me finishing the Ramen)

All: YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!!

Gamer: It was going to spoil… (kaff kaff) anyway… sure! (Pulls random lever but nothing happens)

Lee: did it not work? It must not have had the inner power of youth- (Random floor tile he is standing on shoots up about 200 feet into the air and lee is sent spinning into space)

Gamer: Hm. I didn't quite hit it right. Im sorry, he might not have hit Jupiter :/. Oh well, he'll definitely hit Pluto! At least he said the word that activates the trap after I pull the lever, but he's lee so it was only a matter of time before he said it.

Naruto: Said what? Youth?- (Tile NARUTO is standing on repeats same motion and Naruto is sent into space)

Hinata: (faints)

Gamer: Hm. Better push the lever back before anyone else says it. (Pushes lever back into off position) Well, that was all for this chapter! Again, sorry for the late update! I will do it more actively now though! R&R!


	6. Chapter 6

Short but important update:

Short but important update:

IF YOU DO NOT SUBMIT REVIEWS I CANNOT / REFUSE TO (Depending on which story you are looking at – I am posting this in ALL my stories) WRITE ANY MORE CHAPTERS!


	7. Finally a review, fire, and green things

D

Well, I finally got ONE review

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(Shows me walking into the building where Naruto and Co. are locked away)

Author: Oh boy I can't wait to tell them that we finally have another review… hey…

(Shows that room is empty, there is a hole through the ceiling)

Author: Dangit… and I bet that… (looks underground in room where Kakashi's porn books are supposed to be stored, they're all gone) I should've known. That bastard…

(Scene: Shows Kakashi walking down the streets of Konoha, reading five books at once)

Kakashi: Yes, I missed you my babies… I will make up for it by reading five times as much as I normally do! Especially you guys… (imagines the hundreds of new Icha Icha paradise books that came out while he was gone) heheheheheh…

Author: (poofs in) DAMNIT KAKASHI! (Grabs him and starts dragging him off by the ear, somehow him managing to keep all the books balanced on his arms without even losing his page on any of them) SAKURA, NARUTO, SASUKE, RUN, CODE RED! CODE RED!

Sakura, Sasuke, Naruto: (all hear Kakashi, were waiting on him for another meeting) AHHHHH CODE RED, CODE RED!

Sasuke: (Dives in to the river and starts trying to drown himself)

Sakura: (disguises herself as Ino)

Naruto: (Hides inside his own pants)

Author: (walks on stage carrying a wet Sasuke crying on his back) I got him… are you two coming quietly or (pulls out mysteriously glowing sword) otherwise?

Naruto and Sakura: Where the hell did you get that sword?

Author: Stole it offa some King or other.

King Arthur: (Somewhere in the middle ages) DAMN YOU AUTHOR, DAMN YOUUUUUUU

Sakura and Naruto: Fine… (pout and walk behind me)

(Back in the building) Okay… four down and… ah screw it (magically poofs everyone else back)

All: GEH!?

Author: That's right I brought you all back for more torture!

All: NOOOOoooooozzzz….

Author: Mwahahaha! First, and only,

All: Yay!

Author: Stop interrupting! First and only review. Wait… Ugh. (fixes the grammar) Don't worry I didn't change anything else… just want everyone to understand it.

**XxUltimateXGaaraXFangirlxX**

**Hey, I got one for Kakashi: why are you such a perverted, book reading, dumb-butt, , moronic, stupid, bad-hair-doer, , num nuts? (Puts in room, chained to the wall, making him watch E-V-E-R-Y book of Icha Icha Paradise burn) watch em' burn (takes out stereo and puts on "Burn, baby Burn!"**

Kakashi: Hey, I am not any of those things at all!

Author: Well, you did get your hair dyed purple…

Kakashi: That was the review and you know it!

Author: But you liked it.

Kakashi: You're mean.

Author: I know.

Kakashi: Wait, NOOOOOOOOOO…

Author: What?! All of them at once?! Dayamn, great idea! But since there's no wall he could be put on while he's safe we'll have to compromise.

(Everyone trudges down to the cellar where the books are kept underneat the review area)

Kakashi: (sees all his precious porn lined up on the shelves and starts weeping) Its… so beautiful…

Author: Oh god this is long overdue. (Throws Molotov Cocktails into the room and sets the entire room on fire)

(Stereo starts playing)

Author: I love this song!

All: (Dance on the floor right above the place where all of Kakashi's books are burning to the music)

Kakashi: Nooo… don't do this… you're making me angry…

Author: Uh… oh…

All: What?!

Author: I don't like where this is going…

Kakashi: You wouldn't like me… when im ANGRY! (Turns into the hulk)

Author: I KNEW IT! EVERYONE RUUUUUNNNN!

Kakashi: (Ignores burning books in anger and starts destroying the entire building)

All: (Scream and run around in terror)

Author: (Leans from somewhere out of view in front of the camera) Well, it looks like we're having some… uh… technical difficulties! We'll see you in the next chapter, so don't forget to review unless you want to wait for years for someone else to do it!


	8. A guest appearance by some random Gai

Two more reviews, which means yet again I shall update!

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Author: … okay, we're on? (Faces camera) Hey everybody! We are issuing a special notice that due to a certain green, angry ninja… (all look at Kakashi disapprovingly)

Kakashi: (Shows Kakashi chained to a post with all kinds of traps pointed right at his face with the trip wires for them inches from him) Damnit, he burned my Icha Icha Paradise! I can't be held responsible for my actions.

Author: And you killed Sasuke!

All: Well, that part was kind of funny…

Author: Good point. Oh yeah that's right (revives Sasuke)

Sasuke: Damn you Kakashi-sensei!

Kakashi: IT WASN"T MY FAULT DAMNIT!

Author: Shhh, keep it down!

All: Why?

Author: Since our building was destroyed, we have to be extra quiet while our main building is being repaired because we aren't in our own building here.

Hinata: Where is here anyway?

Author: The Akatsuki hideout.

All: (Go pale)

Sasuke: BROOOOTTHHHHHEERRRRRR!! (Runs off to go find Itachi)

Author: (sigh) Didn't he already learn that (rips off face, Itachi's face behind it) I am Itachi?

Hinata, Sakura, Ino: (Faint)

Naruto and Kiba: O.o

Sasuke: DIE BROTHER! (attempts a Chidori)

Author: (Uses wicked Mangekyou Sharingan powers combined with Author powers to pin Sasuke to the same pole as Kakashi)

Sasuke: Dang it, how does he always win??

Author/Itachi: Face it im just better (poofs back into my regular appearance) Okay, first review!

_**Hellscream89**_

_**This is a great fic by the way. Can you force Sakura to make out with Lee. Can you reburn all Kakashi's books again.  
Lee and/or Gai why do always talk about youth.  
Sakura is your hair really pink or is just hair dye.  
Naruto why the hell do you wear the orange, any ninja could spot you half a mile away.**_

Author: great fic? Yay, positive reviews! And your wish is my demand, don't say can you just say DO IT!

Sakura: Lee?

Lee: Yes?

Sakura: I LOVE YOU! (Passionate music starts playing, doves fly, and a sun appears out of nowhere and sets)

Author: Alright, now that's taking it just a little too far. (pulls out a shotgun and starts taking out the doves, then shoots the sun and everything turns dark)

All: O.o

Author: Dang sun, I can fix this. (Lights a candle, which barely lights up a whole one-eighth of the room)

Naruto: But I can barely see even where the candle is, much less the edges of the room!

Author: Then we better be careful, because murderers like to hide in the dark edges of rooms… (ominously fades from the light)

All: O.O

Author: What/!? NOOOOOOOOO…. (review power makes books appear again and start burning)

Kakashi: I WON'T LET YOU DIE AGAIN! (Breaks free instantly shattering all traps, then dives into fire in suicidal attempt to save the books)

All: Mmm… (Start roasting marshmallows over Kakashi's flaming corpse)

Author: Enough nonsense (revives Kakashi who immediately starts weeping over the ashes of his books in a WOMAN'S black funeral veil)

Sasuke, Naruto, Sakura: We don't know him…

Lee: My sensei isn't here yet.

Author: (Fixes that)

Lee and Gai: POWER OF YOUTH (belly bump, butt slap, hand shake)

Author: And I thought Sasgay was gay…

Sasuke: IM NOT GAY DAMNIT!

Author: Do I have to bring out the videos again…

All: DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!

Gai and Lee: BECAUSE YOUTH IS POWER AND POWER IS YOUTH AND YOUTH IS POWER AND POWER IS YOUTH AND

Author: DEAR GOD MAKE IT STOP (Pulls the lever from chapter 5, the keyword eject lever)

Gai: What does that do?

Lee: It ejects whoever says a keyword to outer space

Gai: Uh oh, we better stop talking lest it end our you-

Lee: No sensei don't say that! Luckily, I am smart for I know that code word is Youth! (Covers mouth and cringes, nothing happens)

Gai: Nothing happened?

Gai and Lee: WE MUST HAVE DEFEATED THE LEVER WITH THE POWER OF YOUTH- (Ejected into outer space)

Author: (looks up to see where Gai and Lee went) Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that its been upgraded to a key_phrase_ lever. It ejects you if you say Power of (Pushes the lever back into normal place much to the sadness of everyone else) Youth. (steps back into the shadows, and revives Gai and Lee)

Sakura: Its naturally this color, because im just that awesome. Oh and there was that accident when I was five and I fell into a vat of bubble gum mix, which reminds me of when I found this really great brand of bubble gum, but you never find anything that good any more in shops because of all the people who act like sluts and try to be more popular than me and… (on and on and on with random girl talk)

All: AAAHHHH MAKE HER STOP!!

Random guy in a hockey mask appearing out of nowhere with a chainsaw: YAAAAHHHHH (cuts off Sasuke's head)

Girls: (faint)

Guys: AHHHHhHHHHH

Naruto: The author was right about the murderers!!

Kiba: Save me Akamaru!!

Rock Lee and Gai: (Jump into each other's arms and thereby fall on the floor)

Random guy in a hockey mask appearing out of nowhere with a chainsaw: (Pulls off the hockey mask to reveal me) Haha, you should have seen the looks on your faces…

Girls: (Finally wake up)

Sakura: So… it was all just a practical joke?

Author: Yep.

Hinata: But you killed Sasuke… what person hates Sasuke enough to kill him for a practical joke?

Author: Did you forget who you are talking to here?

Hinata: Oh right, the torture man.

Sasuke fangirls: Aren't you going to revive Sasuke?

Author: Nah.

Fangirls: DO IT OR ELSE

Author: OR ELSE WHAT?

Fangirls: (Bring out whips that they had saved for doing… things… with Sasuke and start hitting me with them)

Author: Owww, son of a… alright alright fine! (Revives Sasuke and slides his mask back down)

Sasuke: About time (sees me in the hockey mask) AHHHH IT'S THE MURDERER SAVE ME OROCHIMARU!!

Author: (pulls up mask) HA! I **KNEW **you were gay with him!!

Fangirls: AHHHH (Faint)

Sasuke: I AM NOT GAY! I'll kiss any girl here to prove it!

Fangirls: (All wake up, scream in joy and start chasing Sasuke around the complex)

Sasuke: Why did I open my big mouth…!?

Author: He really should've seen that coming.

All: Yep…

Naruto: What? No way, I am totally stealthy!

Author: Okay then. (poofs Naruto to a semi-deserted island)

Hinata: Where did you put him?

Author: On an island where if he is detected he will be eaten by the Kraken.

Kiba: Wait, when was the Kraken ever in Naruto?

Author: I never said it was from Naruto, now shut up furball.

Kiba: HEY! (Tackles, anime dustball starts up)

Ino: Since I haven't had a line this whole chapter, next review! Wait… (grammar fixificates) I had to do that too. Just for clarity.

Author: (Head pops out of dustball) Yeah, but don't mind my pickiness keep reviewing! We appreciate it! (Goes back to fighting Kiba)

_**XxUltimateXGaaraXFangirlxX**_

_**Yay, thank you so much you rock - wait a sec (goes and punches Kakashi in face for ruining the moment). As i was saying, you are awesome and here's one for sasgay: wellz almost everybody that i know hates Hannah Montana so I figured this would be some fun torture (puts in a room with no windows or doors and a huge plasma wide screen TV that takes up the whole wall). here is your torture(laughs evilly, maniacally, and uncontrollably) (takes out an automatic DVD player that takes the DVD by its self and plays it). Heh this will be fun (chains, ties, and tapes sasgay to a chair and puts on all the concerts, episodes, and movies of Hannah Montana and high school musical)**_

Author: (ties Kiba up after winning the fight) I rock? Yay, thanks!

Kakashi: (Points accusingly at me) Nobody can rock who would dare burn the books of my joy! (gets punches in the face) OUCH, my nose… I think its bleeding… tell Kurenai… I always…

Author: What a drama queen…

Kurenai: (poofs in, teary eyed) yes? Yes Kakashi!?

Kakashi: I always…

Kurenai; YES!?

Kakashi: hated you…

Kurenai: (goes medieval on his ass)

Author: If he hadn't been such a drama queen he wouldn't have actually died. (revives him and, for the sake of Kakashi, poofs Kurenai away)

Kakashi: Thank you.

Author: Shut it porn freak. Yay, im awesome again! (strikes up two awesomes and a "rocks" under personality profile)

Sasuke: Why does everyone keep calling me gay?!

Author: Because your name sounds like SasGAY and you have uke in your name…

Sasuke: You are a sick bastard.

Author: Yeah but at least my name is straight.

Sasuke: Oh yay Hannah Montana! (Starts singing along with all the songs of her and High School Musical) I've been to everyone of her concerts! And I've seen High School musical performed three times as a play!

Author: Oh god, he really IS gay… there's only one way to make this torture, and im sorry to you GaaraFangirl but im commandeering this review (changes the musicals and singing to a football game and moves everyone into the room)

Guys (Except for Sasuke): (All start cheering and rooting for their favorite football teams)

Girls: (Start "hmph"ing at not getting enough attention paid to them while the game is on)

Sasuke: Football… noooo, can't we watch Oprah?

Other Guys: (Gag Sasuke and go back to watching)

Sasuke: (inner thoughts) Football… too straight… can't go on… must… not… watch….

(Sasuke's head explodes)

All: HOLY CRAP

Author: Yuck. (Makes the Sasuke brains on everyone disappear) too bad Naruto's head hadn't exploded, then there wouldn't have been any brains to get spewed around.

Naruto: Hey, that's a shot at me!

Author: You really are thick aren't you…

Naruto: Bring it on! (Another anime dustball fight)

Kiba: (finally frees himself) I"ll help you Naruto! (Leaps into the fray)

Rock Lee: Gai sensei, would you like to do the ending since the Author is busy?

Gai: Yes Lee! Thanks for reading this chapter of the Naruto Question/Torture Fic… wait is that really the name?

All: (Nod)

Gai: Well, at least its accurate. Anyway, don't forget to review and when you do, remember to review with the-

Author: (Reaches out and flips the lever with his foot while still fighting Naruto and Kiba)

Gai: -Power of Youth! (Gets ejected into outer space)

Rock Lee: NOOOooooo… Gai Sensei!

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Just a note so you know who is here now:

Kakashi

Naruto

Sakura

Sasuke

Kiba

Hinata

Ino

Rock Lee

(Gai is not here because this was a guest appearance)

Another new character will be joining us (permanently) in the next chapter, so vote for one of these five ninja:

Kurenai

Gaara

Orochimaru

Zabuza and Haku (Both of them will come together)

Neji


	9. Wow, a lot of new people!

Daram:

Yet more reviews!

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Author: Well, we're almost there.

All: ALMOST WHERE?

Author: The new building I got to replace the one that was destroyed by Kakashi.

Kakashi: It wasn't my-

All: WE KNOW, WE KNOW!

Kakashi: Geez, excuse _**me!**_

Author: Never! (kicks Kakashi in the balls)

Kakashi: Oof… that's not gonna… be pretty… (falls unconscious)

Naruto: Wow…

Sasuke: Harsh.

Kiba: Dude...

Author: That aside, I give you the new building! (Puts arms up to the sky… in front of a large plain building, no roof just a flat cube on all sides)

All: THIS IS IT?!

Author: I know, deceiving isn't it? (Opens the door)

(All walk inside, there is a soft red carpet on the floor and paintings of me on the walls along with amazing high-class furniture)

All: WOOHOO! (Start lounging on the furniture)

Author: Anyway… according to the votes Gaara is the next to come in.

Lee: Nooooozzz...

Gaara: (poofs in) Okay, what the hell is going on here.

All: (start laughing)

Gaara: Whats so funny?! Tell me before I kill you all! (Notices that his hair is a brighter pink than Sakura's) Now that's just not funny…

Author: I disagree. But since I feel bad for you, we will also bring in the one of my favorite characters to torture!

Neji: (Poofs in) Huh? Wuzzat? (just woke up)

Author: I need these. (Steals Neji's eyes)

Neji: IM BLIND!! (Walks into a wall and trips over furniture)

Hinata: (Faints)

All others: O.o

Author: Sharingan and Byakugan, score! (Cycles through having 2 sharingan at once, 2 byakugan, and one of each)

Neji: Give those back!

Author: No!

Sasuke: Ha, at least he doesn't have permanent Mangekyou.

Author: That reminds me (poofs back into Itachi)

Sasuke: AHHH! DIE! (Eyes removed from their sockets to make permanent Mangekyou for me) AHHH, IM BLIND TOO!

(Anime dust fight between Itachi (me) and the blinds, Sasuke + Neji)

Rock Lee: Review time!

**Hellscream89**

**This is great! I vote for Gaara.**

Naruto: Um… thanks for the vote… no torture or embarrassing questions?

Gaara: Pathetic fools, you will all die before my hatred!

All: O.O

Author: (karate chops Neji and Sasuke on the back of their necks to knock them out) Oh yeah… this isn't the Shippuden or late regular-season Naruto… this is just homicidal freak Gaara.

Gaara: IM NOT A FREAAAKKK! (Unleashes sand demon)

Author: MOTHER &

(Random crushing, sand covers camera lens, we can only hear voices)

Kiba: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE

Naruto: I BEAT HIM ONCE I CAN DO IT AGAIN (pause) ouch…

Author: How'd he get so powerful! (Sound of giant sand demon's fist on ground) that was close… oh crap he got Naruto!

Girly voices: Random screaming in terror, crying, and general panic

Sasuke: SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP! I DON'T WANNA DIE, I HAVEN'T TOLD OROCHIMARU HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM!

(All sound suddenly stops)

Sasuke: I… uh… I hate him!

All: Suuuuurrreee…

Author: I'VE HAD ENOUGH! (Random magical/mystic sounds)

Gaara: You… you sealed my sand demon! IM GOING TO KILL YOU FOR THAT! What the hell!?

Author: HA! I sealed away your sand powers too! And I gave you… oh crap the camera got covered with sand! Smooth move… (Clears sand off of camera, we can see Gaara with pink hair) I gave you pink hair!

Gaara: I… will… KILL you…

Author: Bleh.

Naruto: Wow, how did we get this long of a segment for a review that didn't even have any questions or tortures in it?

Author: I… have… no idea? Wow. Anyway, next review!

Sasuke and Neji: GIVE US OUR EYES BACK

Author: Oh fine, but just to stop your whining. (poof and Neji and Sasuke have new eyes) But I keep the originals!

Sasuke and Neji: Fine!

**Rockcrab**

**Yeah. I'll vote for Gaara cause although Orochimaru-sama just as awesome, I'm afraid at what people would ask him... those sick minded bastards... anyways I guess I'll ask a question...**

Sasuke- Why do you think you could beat your brother? You'd have to have a large advantage... like he was sick and he over used Mangeko Sharringan or something. So WHY BOTHER?

Sincerely,  
Rockcrab

Author: No offense, but going by our history we've made fun of Pedo-maru, AKA Gay-man, AKA dumbest ninja in history, AKA-

Sasuke: DON'T YOU DARE TALK THAT WAY ABOUT THE MAN I…

All: (Stare at Sasuke)

Sasuke: I… uh… hate!

All: uh-huh. (Nod heads, roll eyes)

Sasuke: --

Author: Yeah, anyway we don't need him to be here to make fun of him… hehe.

Sasuke: Because… I KNOW I CAN BEAT HIM! Orochimaru trained me! I will kill my brother!

Author: You will NOT kill me, give it up…

Sasuke: AHHHHH! (attempts to use fireball on me)

Author: (Sighs, reflects it back at him)

Sasuke: (Blackened from the fireball) ouch…

Author: I think that pretty well covers your question… because he's an idiot. NEXT REVIEW!

**XxUltimateXGaaraXFangirlxX**

**well, anything to torture sasgay will be perfectX) oh and as for voting i say neji. i absoluty hate him and i'm not going to say gaara cuz this is a torture fic anywhoz, heres one for A-L-L,every single one of them, sasgay fans: why do you like sasgay? hes evil(not that i ain't also) and gay and powerless. he will never be able to defeat the power of (evil clouds start rolling up and laugh evil while evil lightning starts shooting down the fangirls) JASON ( micheal myers theme music starts playing)or itachi and he still wont learn. thats how much brainpower he has left which equals-hmm let me think about it- NONE!.!  
and another for kakashi: K.O.(knock him out) him and stick him in a room without his mask on with at least more than half of his fangirls and yes ladies and gentle men he does fangirls(mutters under breath) somehow XP. thanks and hope my vote makes a difference. bye byez**

Author: Sorry about Gaara getting here, but to make you feel better I brought along Neji anyway!

Neji: Hey, if I didn't get the most votes THEN SEND ME HOME!

Author: Make me!

(Yet ANOTHER anime dustball fight)

Naruto: We have a lot of those now don't we…

(when you ask the question to sasgay fans, nobody answers)

Sakura: Um… even I don't like Sasuke anymore… lets bring in the hardcore fangirls!

Sasuke Fangirls: Ohmigosh he's so smexy and powerful and he's so emo and hates women but that's what makes it so cool omigodomigodomigod! (Fangirls screech and nearly shatter the windows)

Author and Neji: (stop fighting due to the fact that they, like everyone else, now have bleeding ears)

Author: Oh god make it stop! (poofs fangirls away)

Sasuke: I have plenty of brainpower left!

Author: Then why do you still think you can beat me?

Sasuke: … shut up.

Author: Kakashi look, a convenient distraction! (points behind him)

Kakashi: (Turns around) where? (falls unconscious from being hit with a sledgehammer)

Naruto: Wasn't that a little excessive?

Author: Nah!

(a few hours later)

Kakashi: (Wakes up naked, chained to a bed surrounded by his fangirls, Kurenai, and Anko) What the hell!? And why are you two here?!

Both: We're in your fangirls club…

Kakashi: (Shadows start coming over his body) Wait… no… stop… don't do it! Please, Im begging you! I have a family!

All: (stop) WHAT??

Kakashi: There was a picture… in my front pocket.

Anko: (Pulls out a picture, the picture is of a library shelf filled with Kakashi's porn books)

All others: (See the picture through a rigged camera) Oh for crying out loud, this is just ridiculous…

Kurenai: We're going to teach you about what its like to be able to write your own perverted books… (walks towards the bed)

(Camera turns off to avoid making this fanfic rated M)

Kakashi: (heard through the walls) No, don't do it! Please, NOOOO… ICHA ICHA PARADISE, WHY HAVE YOU ABANDONED MEEEEEE?!

Author: (Rolls eyes) Next review.

Shea-aeront

**YOU'RE SO COOL! Bring in Zabuza and Haku, please.**

Questions:

Gayboy(sauske): Why do you hate girls? do you even hate the non-fangirls?  
Naru-kun: Why do you act all stupid when we know you're actually smart deep down?  
Sakura: Why do you say Naruto is annoying, how is he annoying, and why won't you be nicer to him, he doesn't have a family unlike you.(give her a Sauske plush doll if she is nice to Naruto the whole chap)  
Kiba: what do you think of wolves? think someone would be liked if they were part wolf?(hint to my upcoming story)  
Shino(if you let him appear): Why are you always quite until you are spoken to?

Torture:

Gayboy Sauske: Lock him in a room with Michael Jackson(mwahahahaha!)  
Naruto: give him a fake ramen cup with sring-y think to pop out when he opens it()  
Zabuza: take away his sword and make him wear a dress...(hehehe)  
Kakashi: get ALL the new Icha Icha book's in the universe and burn them in a giant bonfire. (i'm evil, :D)  
Kiba: pretend like your taking him to get neutered(i like him and i dont want be that evil to him)  
Gai and Lee: put them in giant cat suits and lock them in a room filled with rabid dogs (like em but the say youth TOO much!)  
Ino: make her make out with choji. (HA, THAT WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING MEAN TO SAKURA AND NARUTO ALOT!)  
Shikamaru: send him to an idiot convention, see how long it takes till he cracks.

oncw again, Gamer, you are awesome!

Author: Yay, this is the kind of review I like to see! Organized and long! Haha. (strikes up awesome and cool under personality profile) yay! And since im feeling so nice… (poofs in Zabuza and Haku)

Zabuza: (voice is muffled by the mask) Mphpmpmhpmphpmphhh! (Translation: Where the hell are we?!)

Haku: I have no idea…

Sakura: You can understand him?

Haku: Yup!

Zabuza: Hmph. (no translation necessary)

Author: (Bestows upon them the knowledge of where they are and why)

Zabuza: Mph… mm. (Translation: Oh… fuck)

Haku: Uh oh…

Author: Start answering the reviews! (cracks review whip)

Sasuke: Because girls are icky… and yes I hate them all!

Girls: (Get ready to murder Sasuke)

Guys: (Actually feel bad for Sasuke being stupid enough to say that)

Sasuke: Wait, no, im not gay! Don't kill me! (Gets mobbed by all girls in the room)

Naruto: Meeeee smarticle? (hits self on the head)

Hinata: Uh…

Author: hehe. (turns Naruto back to normal)

Naruto: That wasn't funny! I am too smart!

Author: What is the square root of 144?

Naruto: Uhm… (takes 3 hours) 14857?

Author: ITS TWELVE (Kicks Naruto in the face)

Hinata: O.O (faints)

Naruto: (Passes out)

Sakura: He's always being perverted, and trying to ask me out on dates, and he won't leave me alone! Sasuke Plushie?! (Wakes up Naruto and Hinata) Naruto, you have no friends and you SUCK!

Naruto: (sulks)

Hinata: (Comforts him)

(Sasuke Plushie disappears)

Sakura: Phew, thought we'd have two of the gay boys for a second.

Author: Im proud of you Sakura, ever since Sasuke came out as gay and… that… happened, you've been much more hating of Sasuke! Just like me!

Sakura: Yeah… too bad … that … happened… I can remember it all… (Flashback)

(hazy rim around the screen indicating we are showing what happened before)

Sakura and Sasuke: (Playing go fish)

Sasuke: Got any threes?

Sakura: You can't ask that!

Sasuke: why not?

Sakura: Because you have to have a three to ask that!

Sasuke: I do have one!

Sakura: That's impossible, I have all four of them in my hand and I just forgot to put them down!

Sasuke: Uh… there's a perfectly good explanation for this…

Inner Sakura: HE'S GONNA PAY FOR THIS!

Sakura: (stands up and pulls back her sleeves)

Sasuke: … mommy…

(camera is splattered with blood, back to normal time)

Sasuke: My face still hurts…

Author: Stop whining!

Kiba: Hm… I dunno… dogs are tame wolves I guess…

Author: lets find out! (poofs in a wolf)

Wolf: (Growls at everyone except for Kiba, walks up to Kiba and licks his hand)

Kiba: Hey, he likes me!

Author: Not for long… (Gives the wolf Rabies, but a special kind so that they don't kill the wolf)

Wolf: (Attacks Kiba)

Kiba: AHHHHH, NOT THE FACE!

Author: Apparently to answer your question, even WILD wolves are like dogs around the Inuzukas. Unless they have rabies, then they attack anything. But as to someone being part wolf… I don't even wanna know how that happen.

All: (shudder) bad images, bad images…

Author: Alright, that's IT! Too many characters! We can have one more guest but there's four new guys this chapter if you count Zab and Hak as two different guys. BUT SHINO IS ONLY A GUEST!

Shino: (poofed in somehow knowing where he is and what he's doing without me even doing anything) Because… talking… takes… too much… effort… (falls asleep sitting in a crouched position, too lazy to lay down)

Author: Why that lazy son of a bitch! (kicks him)

Shino: (Falls over, still doesn't wake up)

Sasuke: Micheal Jackson? Oooh, I loved him in Thriller!

Author: Uhm… we don't have to lock him in… (Opens a door to a room with Michael Jackson in it, and Sasuke runs in) See? (Shuts door) I only shut the door for our sake because we don't need to see what goes on in there…

Micheal Jackson: Hello little boy!

All: (vomit)

Author: (soundproofs the room Sasuke is in) Before we lose what remains of our lunches…

All: WE DIDN'T GET ANY LUNCH! EVER! (Shows all have stomachs half the size of the world's skinniest models)

Rock Lee: (Turns into a pile of dust from starvation)

All: O.O

Author: We'll fix that next chapter… Not Rock Lee, the food problem. (revives Lee) ANYWAY…

Naruto: Ramen!? (opens it up, string flies out) Awww…

Author: If you open it again it will have Ramen in it Naruto! (Puts the lid back on it)

Naruto: Oh no you don't, im not that stupid! (Puts lid back on and throws it on the ground)

Author: (Shrugs, picks it up and starts eating Ramen out of it)

Naruto: HEY! IT IS RAMEN! 

Author: But you didn't want any.

Naruto: GIMME! (Tries to steal it)

Author: (Puts the cap back on and gives it to Naruto)

Naruto: (opens it up, more string flies out onto him) I have no idea how you did that.

Author: Magic… and a little bit of author powers too. Ya know, to spice it up a bit.

Zabuza: (Suddenly in a frilly pink dress) Mphppphhhhmphhhhmphmmmph (Translation: I have never been so humiliated in all my life)

Haku: You're telling me…

Everyone else: (Pause… then start rolling on the floor in laughter)

Zabuza: Mphmppphhhmpph! (I WILL KILLLL YOUUUU!) (Tries to reach for sword, sword is missing. Mphhhhhh (Awwwwww…)

Author: NO WAIT DON'T DO IT! (All the books suddenly appear and start filling up the room)

Kakashi: NOT AGAIN! (Bursts through the door naked, a couple fangirls still clinging to his legs)

All Girls: AHHHHHHHHH (faint at seeing Kakashi naked)

All Guys: COVER UP MAN!

Kakashi: (looks embarrassed, goes back into room and re-dresses, then comes back)

(The Icha Icha paradise books fill the room up until the walls crack and break and flow out into a much larger room next door, with a huge red carpeted floor and even comfier furniture than before, with chandeliers and fancy lighting, statues of myself and other things)

All: Wow…

Kakashi: (still in the room with all the books) This is like heaven! (Starts leaping through the piles of books like a dolphin)

All: (Smack their foreheads and start looking around the new room)

Naruto: If it wasn't for the statues of the Author this would be perfect!

Author: Shut it (Smacks Naruto) Anyway… (looks back at the filled up room of books, and kicks the few that flowed over into the bigger room back in) Well… I guess the best way to get rid of the old room would be to follow through on the review! (starts pouring gasoline on the books)

Kakashi: NOOOOOOooooo (stands up on top of the books and makes a Chidori)

Author: Um… Kakashi… that's not very smart…

Kakashi: Why? (Looks down and sees Chidori about a half an inch from the gasoline soaked books) Uh oh… (books light on fire) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (Starts running around on top of the flaming books, while he is on fire himself, in circles)

Author: Kiba… we have to get you fixed boy.

Girls and Kiba: O.O

Kiba: Screw that!

Author: (ties him down to a table)

Kiba: NUUUUUUUUUUUU

Author: (Pulls out gardening shears)

Girls: (faint… again)

Author: They seem to do that a lot…

Guys: That's because you're a sick bastard!

Author: Ah well, can't help that!

(snip)

Kiba: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (and so on)

Author: Wait, I was only supposed to pretend? Aww… (regenerates Kiba's missing… you know)

Kiba: Oh god, the pain… that sucked… IM GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS (flying tackles me)

Author: (Brings out the rabid wolf again)

Kiba: AAHHH NOT AGAIN (Gets attacked)

Author: Anyway… ooh this'll be fun! I have a better idea, even though Gai WAS A GUESS AND IS NO LONGER HERE… (Turns lee into a REAL cat and throws him into the pen of rabid dogs)

Rock Lee: NOOOOO… Save me power of youth!

Author: THAT'S IT! (Makes them rabid wolves)

Rock Lee: AHHHHHHH (Random hissing/barking/meowing sounds, as well as more fur than should be on any cat flying into the air.

Ino: WHAT?? NO! DON'T YOU DARE… (Suddenly making out with fatty who poofed in only for this torture) (Muffled screaming)

All: This is disgusting!

Author: I agree… this is more of a torture for the rest of us… (poofs Chouji away)

Ino: (talking to camera) I WILL KILL YOU!

Author: SHE THREATENED THE REVIEWER! TO THE ROOM OF ULTIMATE TORTURE!

Ino: (Teleported away)

Sakura: Uh… not that I care but… where did you put her?

Author: I just said…

Sakura: Yeah but what is the room of ultimate torture?

Author: She has to watch 24/7 reruns of Oprah.

All: That's HORRIBLE!

Author: So am I, don't take her side. Back to the tortures, I know the perfect thing for this!

(Sends Shikamaru to a convention center for Naruto)

Shikamaru: This isn't so bad…

(Suddenly 1,000,000 Narutos fill up the convention center)

Shikamaru: Uh oh…

Narutos: Shikamaru, we have an argument. Isn't 2+2 5, and not 6? Is my jacket really green or are people just saying that? Will you read this to me, I never learned. Will this plan work, I throw a squirrel at him! Doesn't a cat EAT a cow? Not the other way around?

Shikamaru: (Stands there in silence, until finally…) AHHHHHH THAT'S ENOUGH! (Starts stabbing Narutos with knives)

Author: Wow, he's almost as much of a killer as I am…

(a half an hour later)

Shikamaru: (Standing over corpses of Narutos) Fulfilling reviews and… killing Narutos… takes too much energy… (goes into a coma)

Author: I knew he was too lazy for his own good… NEXT REVIEW!

**NinjaGirl3194**

**THIS IS AWESOME :D**

**Questions-  
Sasuke- Why did you turn to the dark side? (duh duh duh) and what do you think of the pairing sasuXnaru?  
Naruto- How's closer to you, Sasuke or Sakura (properly Sakura, am I right?)  
Sakura- Do you still have a crush on Sasuke? Do you think he's gay?**

Torture (yeah!)  
Sasuke- Wear your birthday suit (wink wink)plus kiss Sakura!  
Naruto- Kiss Sasuke, again! MAHAHAHA  
Sakura- Kiss Naruto, and Kakashi (ok, i am strange)

Sasuke: Because the dark side has cookies… (munches on chocolate chips)

All: Hey, we wanna be evil… (share Sasuke's cookies)

Author: NO! (Makes all except Sasuke good again and destroys all cookies)

All: NO, NOT THE COOKIES! (hit me on the back of the head)

Author: OUCH! You will pay for that later… (crawls up)

Sasuke: (Realizes even he doesn't have cookies anymore) Nuuuuu, not my cookies! I don't wanna be evil and gay if I don't get cookies… (slowly walks over to join others)

(Pause)

(More pausing)

(Ditto)

(you guessed it)

Author: you don't…

Kiba: Think…

Naruto: That…

Sakura: Sasuke's…

Ino: Finally…

Author: Straight and good again?

Sasuke: I missed being with you guys! (runs forward in slow motion to embrace all in group hug)

Sakura and Ino: (run forward and embrace Sasuke)

Author: Holy… crap… Sasuke's not gay anymore! Welcome home brother!

Sasuke: (tries to hug me) I forgive you for killing everyone I've ever known and loved.

Author: (dodges hug) Actually, I didn't do that…

Sasuke: But you're Itachi!

Author: Yeah… but that wasn't me…

Sasuke: Then who was it?

Author: It was Orochimaru.

Sasuke: WHAT?? But… he gave me cookies when I turned gay for him… but he's the one who made me want to be evil for cookies!? He knew I wouldn't be evil without not having family! IM GOING TO KILL HIM! (Marches off)

Author: Wow. Sasuke's straight and good again and he's going to kill Orochimaru and likes Itachi, me, again! This is… some kind of a miracle!! Im so happy… (eyes tear up) I must be dreaming…

(Camera fades out, shows me face first on the floor asleep)

Author: I must… be dreaming…

Sasuke: I think you guys hit him a little hard.

Author: Ooh my head, what happened?

Naruto: Well… we all hit you on the head and you passed out…

Author: So… it was all a dream?! (Falls to his knees) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…. WHY SASUKE, WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE ONLY WANTED THE COOKIES LIKE IN MY DREAM!?

All: O.O

Kiba: I think he's delusional…

Sasuke: Yeah, I still have cookies! (Munches)

Author: (looks at cookies) meh, its not worth it…

Sasuke: Me and… Naruto? (looks at him, vomits)

Naruto: Hey, you're the gay one. You should be proud people even consider you close enough to good looking compared to me!

Sasuke: (couldn't hear that over his own vomiting)

Sakura: No, I hate him now! And we all KNOW he's gay…

Sasuke: I will not wear my (suddenly naked) uh oh. (tries to cover up but suddenly lip-locked with Sakura instead of covering self)

All others: Oh man (cover eyes from naked emo)

Sakura: (Vein bulges and she punches Sasuke, sending him flying)

Naruto: Again? When did it happen the first time?

Author: I think you're missing the point here…

Naruto: Oh yeah the gay kissing (Pulled toward Sasuke)

(this scene has been censored due to gayness)

Author: Oh god, why!?

(Scene returns, the entire room is on fire)

Author: (Puts everything back to normal) NO MORE GAY NARUSKE TORTURES! Naruto fights Sasuke or vice versa and fireballs fly and the whole room gets set on fire…

Sakura: WHAT?? (Suddenly in a three-way makeout with Kakashi and Naruto… who thankfully don't make out with each other)

All: (Vomit)

Author: Oh god I can't stand to see this (poofs Kakashi and Naruto back to normal)

Kakashi: (Suddenly starts brushing teeth and using mouthwash)

Naruto: (Grinning like an idiot)

Saskura: (Blushing like a ripe tomato while curled into the fetal position in the corner of the room)

Author: Well, it looks like that's all for this chapter! Remember; write reviews for all these people:

Kakashi:

Naruto: 

Sakura:

Sasuke:

Ino:

Hinata:

Kiba:

Neji:

Rock Lee:

Gaara:

Haku:

Zabuza:

Review!


	10. Im finally on an updating roll

Author: WOOHOO! IM FINALLY BACK! And for once every one is still here!

(Everyone is chained to the statues of me)

Kakashi: We didn't really have much of a choice did we?

Naruto: Yeah, these statues seem to be unbreakable!

Author: That's because they're made of Itachi-steel!

Sasuke: … Can we just start the reviews already.

Author: Fine, fine whatever. But first I would like to apologize for the long delay in a new chapter. I was working on the plot for my other story, the great(est) battle between pure good and purer evil. The plot is (mostly) completed, so now all that's left is to write it and work out the details! So please, go to my author page and check it out! (There are two copies; one in the Yu-gi-oh section as that is what world the story is in now and one in the X-Over section). I would ask everyone to please go there, check it out, and review as I will be responding to all reviews over there as well! (Though obviously not like I do here). Oh, and review here too :p. (gasps for breath) Okay, FINALLY! The first review is from…

_**Hana Natsumi Hime**_

_**first off i jus wanna say ur awesome here goes i guess  
gamer:may i join in awesomeness of torturing?o nd please put shippuuden sakura  
naruto:ur freakin awesome better than anyone well except itachi winkwink  
sakura:i think ur awesome too nd please beat the hell out of sasuke  
sasuke: ...u suck...  
kakashi: yeah jus die  
hinata;ur the cutest thing!  
kurenai;i love ur fighting style**_

torture:  
takes kakashi by the hand nd leads him to a room full of icha him enjoy it for about 3 seconds nd the books start attacking him.  
takes sasuke to pedo-maru and censors the next couple of scences....  
wacks lee nd gai nd haku nd zabuza into oblivian

i think thats it...for now..MUAHAHAHAHHAAHAHA

Author: Well, I had never actually thought of that… Hm… okay then! If you want, then get an AIM account, and then in your next review tell me what that AIM name is.

**ALSO: for anyone interested in talking with me my AIM name is Ultima Vaan. I get on semi-often, so feel free to contact me pretty much any day, usually between 4-8 PM Sunday-Thurs, and at random (but longer possibly) times during the day Friday and Saturday.**

Naruto: Aww, thanks! (blushes) Hey, what's Itachi got that I don't?!

Author: I have just about everything you don't that's good. (Pokes him in the forehead and sends him toppling down random flight of stairs)

Naruto: You-Owch-Son-owch-of-ouch-a bitch! Ouch! (keeps falling)

Sakura: Gee, thanks reviewer! REALLY?!?

Author: Don't be selfish Sakura! (Ties Sasuke to the ceiling)

Sasuke: GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!!

Author: (Hands out bats) Sasuke piñata!

(everyone starts beating Sasuke)

Naruto: (Finally climbs back upstairs) Gah… finally… that's a long set of stairs!

Author: Oops! (Bat slips out of my hands and knocks Naruto backwards down the steps again)

Naruto: Not-OWCH-Again!-OUCH!

Sasuke: (Lying on the floor as one big black-and blue bruise) I do not suck!

Author: Sure you don't, piñata-boy…

Sasuke: Hmph.

Kakashi: Why should I- GACK! (heart attack)

Author: Wow, I knew he was old…

Hinata: (Blushes) Thank you!

Author, Kiba, and Naruto (recently back up the steps for the second time): BACK OFF! (All look at each other then fight in a giant anime dustball)

Ino: I was wondering when we were going to have another one of those.

Shikamaru: (sleeping while still handcuffed to his statue)

(Naruto gets kicked down the stairs out of the dustball once more)

Author: (leans out of fight) Wow, he's really lazy… Uh… Kurenai's kind of not here. Sorry. (Goes back to fighting Kiba)

Kakashi: What? Let go of… oh my god! ITS WONDERFUL! (Shows library-sized room filled to the brim with Icha Icha Paradise books) Oh my god, I've died and gone to heavan! (Starts floating between the stacks)

Author: (Breaks free of fight with Kiba by knocking him out) Okay… SICK 'EM, BOYS!

Kakashi: What? OWW MY ASS! (Book munches on his butt) THAT IS NOT A CHEW TOY! ARRRGGHHHH (Dived upon and devoured by hundreds of books)

Author: Wow… I didn't know reading too much could kill you.

Sasuke: YOU KNOW WHERE OROCHIMARU IS?!?! 

Orochimaru: (Poofs in) SASUKE!

Sasuke: OROCHIMARU!

(Slow motion scene of them running to each other getting ready to hug)

Author: (Trips Sasuke)

Sasuke: NOOOOO!!!! (Falls down the same stairs Naruto has fallen down)

Naruto: (Reaches the top for the third time) HAH! Serves you right.

Author: You know we really should shut that door. (Slams it shut in Naruto's face, sending him tumbling down the stairs again.

Naruto's voice: WHY-OUCH-WOULD-OUCH-YOU-OUCH-DO THAT TO ME?!??! Ouch.

(Giant golf club comes in and hits Zabuza, Haku, Gai, and Lee into Oblivion)

Zabuza, Haku, Gai, and Lee: Where the hell are we?

(Scamps start running up and attack Lee)

Lee: AAAHHHH, SENSEI! 

Zabuza: (Swings his sword and takes them all out at once) Mmmphhh mpphh mpphhh. (Translation: Heh heh heh.)

Mehrunes Dagon: (Materializes in) YOU MORTALS SHOULD NOT BE HERE! YOUR FLESH IS FORFEIT! (Devours Zabuza whole)

Haku: SON OF A BITCH!

Lee: SON OF A BITCH!

Gai: POWER OF YOUTH!

Lee and Haku: (Stare)

Gai: What, wrong line? (Pulls out piece of paper) Ohhhhh okay. SON OF A BITCH! (All run back through portal into the review room)

Author: HAH! (Revives Zabuza and Kakashi) And kudos to anyone who got the Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion reference! Anyway, next review is from:

Naruto and Sasuke: (Climb up the stairs again) DAMN YOU! (anime dustball fight with me and Kiba again)

_**Uchiha Nara**_

_**This story is cool so far, I like it. And I love to torture Sasuke and Sakura so...**_

Sasuke(aka: SasGAY)  
Truth- Admit you're gay. We all already know it, but we're waiting for you to just take it like a man.  
Truth- Why are so so emo?  
Truth- Are you Orochimaru's play-thing? All those tapes seem pretty real to me(raises eyebrow)  
Dare-Stay in a room with Orochimaru for as long as the author wants without a complaint.  
Dare-Let all your fangirls have their way with you. It's been done but it never gets old!

Sakura:  
I'm going to make this one short. Shave your head again and then go on a NEVER ending date with Lee. Oh, and I hate your guts...no offense to anyone who likes her.

Everyone else:  
Shikamaru: I totally love you!! I can't get enough of you!  
Neji: Wear a frilly pink dress.  
Gaara: Watch one of your teddy bears burn. You know, the ones you had as a kid.  
Kakashi: I love watching you suffer from lack of **, so Gamer, could you burn them all again? Just for the heck of it?  
Naruto: I don't think you're dumb! Clueless at times, but not dumb!  
Neji: Cut off ALL of your hair! Sorry, I still love you!

That's all I can think of...for now. Keep up the good work!

Author: Thanks for the compliments on the story! I hope you continue to review/enjoy it… if you even read it any more. Sorry again for the-

All: THEY KNOW, THEY KNOW!

Author: Geez.

Sasuke: STOP CALLING ME SASGAY!

Author: HAH! I told you everyone knew you were!

Sasuke: (Sniff) At least I still have my cookies…

Author: That reminds me… (destroys cookies)

Sasuke: (pulls out another plate and continues eating)

Author: Well that didn't work. How many of those do you have?

Sasuke: Over 3000 plates!

Author: Woah, déjà vu. (See 15 ways to annoy various Naruto characters, chapter: Stop, its Gaara time, torture: Make him work at the ichiraku ramen stand for the reference)

Sasuke: I AM NOT GAY! OR EMO!

Author: Do I have to bring out the video-

All: DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!

Author: At least let me do this! (Shows Sasuke's scarred wrists again)

Sasuke: (Sulks in the corner)

Author: (yells at him) You're only proving my point!

Sasuke: No im not! Those tapes are fake!

Author: Should I play them agai-

All: NO!

Author: Fine.

Sasuke: OROCHIMARU-SAMA! IM COMING! (Dives through randomly appearing door) I MISSED YOU SO MUCH! 

Orochimaru: I missed you too Sasuke! (kissing sounds)

All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (Vomit, have seizures and heart attacks, then fall over dead)

Author: (Face greener than a watermelon) WHEN WILL YOU PEOPLE LEARN NOT TO PUT THEM TOGETHER! (Blasts the door with a Rasengan)

(Orochimaru and Sasuke are shirtless and kissing… please don't visualize that)

Author: OH GOD, MY EYES! (Sets the room on fire so that he won't have to watch it any more)

Sasuke: OROCHIMARU, IM SCARED!

Orochimaru: At least we'll die together!

Author: YOU TWO MAKE ME SICK!

(Room collapses)

Author: Well… that's better.

Sakura: WAIT, NOT AGAIN! (Shaves her own head) WAAAAAAHHHH I just got it back to normal length too! WAIT, please, NOT THAT!

(Five minutes later)

Lee: Im really glad we get to spend this time together Sakura!

Sakura: (Has handcuffs attached to table legs (which are bolted into the floor), a huge steel ball attached to both ankles, and is roped to her chair) Oh yeah, me too Lee…

Lee: Just you, me… and the POWER OF YOUTH!

Sakura: THAT'S _**IT!**_ (Somehow breaks all of her constraints and begins to pummel Lee)

Author: Wow, she's REALLY angry… I better save him… (sends Sakura back to torture room, but leaves Lee at the restaurant to recover)

Sakura: THANK YOU! (Hugs me)

Author: GAH! Get off! (pries her off) Hmph. I like Hinata!

Hinata: (Wasn't paying attention) what?

Naruto: then why did you make us kiss earlier?

Author: I can answer that in two words.

Naruto: Which are?

Author: FALCON PUNCH! (Sends Naruto flying into outer space)

Hinata: O.O

Shikamaru: … too lazy to accept compliment… (goes back to sleep)

Author: I'll fix this. (whacks Shikamaru with a cattle prod)

Shikamaru: (doesn't even wake up)

Sakura: How is he doing that?!?

Shikamaru: Too… lazy… to feel pain…

Author: Geez… what a moron.

Neji: I WILL DO NO SUCH- (already in a dress) … I LOATHE you.

Author: No loathing the reviewers! (Smacks Neji with a cattle prod) Oh… and (revives Naruto) that's better.

Neji: YOWCH! (Starts running around holding his backside like an idiot)

Gaara: WHAT?!?! NOT Mr. Snuggles! (teddy bear catches on fire) NOOOOo….. (goes into fetal position next to ashes)

Kakashi: I feel your pain… (holds up photo of Icha Icha Paradise and cries with Gaara)

Author: You're about to feel it all over again.

(Books appear in a giant leaning tower of pisa and-)

Naruto: PIZZA?

Author: (backhands Naruto) its Pisa! And stop interrupting me!

Naruto: Sorry…

(and start burning)

Kakashi: Nuuuu… why?!?!

Gaara: NO MORE BURNING! (Douses the fires with his sand)

AUTHOR: NO INTERFERING WITH THE REVIEWS!!!! ROOOOOOAAAARRRR (Grows huge and smashes Gaara, then lights books on fire again)

All: O.O

Author: (back to normal) Ahhh… that's better. (revives Gaara)

Naruto: Whattya mean, clueless? Im not clueless, am I guys?

Author: You're only proving his point…

Naruto: hmph.

Neji: IF YOU LIKE ME THEN WHY ARE YOU GOING TO- (hair falls off mysteriously) … my life is meaningless. (pulls Kunai out of nowhere and stabs himself)

Hinata: O.O (faints)

Neji fangirls: (Scream)

Other guys: Wow… O.o

Sasuke: BROTHER!!! 

All: (Confused)

Author: Oh my god, Sasuke's right! NEJI IS HIS BROTHER IN EMONESS!

Neji Fangirls: (Faint)

Hinata: (Wakes up, then faints again)

Author: I will! Keep up the awesome reviews! That goes to all the rest of you too! Okay… (pulls out ancient scroll) The next reviewer is…

**XD123**

_**XD123 here LOL HAHAHAHAHA THIS IS A HILARIOUS FANFIC OMG I NEED AIR HAHAHAHAHA sorry for that i had to much sugar well due to my ultimate hate for sasGAY this is directed at you  
TORTURE (THUNDER) MWHAHAHAHA  
SasGAY i dare you to say you love itachi and your gonna be his best friend and actullay enjoy it!  
QUESTIONS  
DO YOU WEAR EYELINER?? (inside joke)**_

XD123 OUT!

Author: You sure like saying your own name huh? :p

Sasuke: NO! PLEEEASE DOOON'T!

Author: DO IT, SAS-GAY!

Sasuke: I love my brother Itachi and im going to be his best friend!

Author: (Bear hugs Sasuke)

Sasuke: GAH! LET GO'A ME!

Author: (Squeezes tighter)

Sasuke: Can't breathe… everything's turning… pink…

Author: (drops Sasuke) Too much gay to handle.

Sasuke: What? No, I don't wear eyeliner…

Orochimaru: Well, there WAS that one time…

Sasuke: I thought that was supposed to be our little secret!

Author: What the hell are you doing here anyway Orochimaru?

Orochimaru: I heard Sasuke was here so I decided to tag along.

Author: BEGONE, SATAN! (Punches Orochimaru)

Orochimaru: (catches it)

Author: Damn, I forgot I can't take on Saanins yet…

Orochimaru: You know you have very soft skin.

Author: Uhh… thanks?

Orochimaru: You should join Sasuke and I some time!

Author: Okay… three things…

Orochimaru: What.

Author: One, EWWWWWWWWWWW. Two, FEEL MY WRATH! (Teleports Orochimaru to a lesbian convention)

Naruto: What's three?

Author: (Starts vomiting) That… was fuggin' nasty… Ugh.

Sasuke: Why? He asks me out all the time!

Author: IM NOT GAY, STUPID! (stomps on Sasuke's head until he is as flat as a pancake)

Sasuke: Owchie.

Author: Just go to the next review…

_**Sillydarkrose**_

_**1) Kakashi: hires strippers only for them to be male!  
2) Naruto: DESTROYS ALL RAMEN  
3) Gaara: tells him that Lee took his eyebrow.**_

I kidnapped hidan and are now torturing him -starts muttering about rusty spork and demanning him- ps i'm a girl

Author: Uh oh… I have a VERY horrible feeling about this.

Kakashi: (starts dancing) Stripper time, stripper time, all for me, stripper time!

Naruto: So, what, now we're referencing Fruit's Basket?

Author: And Alternate Reality Dragonball Z as well… (look that up on YouTube, its hilarious).

(Kakashi suddenly appears sitting down in a chair)

Kakashi: yay, lapdance!

(Orochimaru and Sasuke suddenly re-appear in… rather revealing outfits on Kakashi's lap)

Orochimaru: Happy birthday Kakashi!

Kakashi: …

Sasuke: Hi, sensei!

Kakashi: …

Orochimaru: What's wrong?

Kakashi: (Inner thoughts: Too… gay... must… not.. watch…) AAARRGGHHH (Head explodes)

Sasuke: OMG!

Author: (puts clothes on Orochimaru and Sasuke) Stop speaking in internet lingo!

Sasuke: ROFLCOPTER NO PWNZORED!

Author: (Slaps Sasuke)

Sasuke: Thanks I needed that.

Author: You're welcome. (hands Naruto a mop) Start cleaning up!

Naruto: WHY SHOULD I?

Author: Because your head is never the one that blows up!

Naruto: So what?

Author: If your head blew up then there wouldn't be any brains TO clean up! (Starts laughing)

Kiba: You already used that joke.

Author: Uh… SHUT UP! (Rasengan's Kiba into Orochimaru)

Orochimaru: Ooh, a feisty one!

Author: What the hell!??! (poofs Orochimaru away again) Geez, that guy just won't stay gone after his part in the torture is done… speaking of people coming back… (poofs Lee back in)

Lee: Ahhh… thanks for leaving me at the restaurant, that place was amazing! Every dish they had could have youth added to it!

Author: They added YOUTH to their food?

Lee: Yes! And for only $1,000 dollars extra a dish!

Author: … moron.

(Nothing happens)

Naruto: Uhh… there's no ramen in here to destroy.

Author: (poofs in the Ichiraku ramen stand)

Naruto: OH MY GOD! (Starts running in slow-motion for the stand)

Ichiraku: Hey, Naruto! Want some ra- (The entire stand suddenly explodes)

Naruto: NOooo… nooo… nooo… waaaaahhhh (starts sobbing)

Gaara and Kakashi: We feel your pain. (comfort Naruto)

Author: Oh great, now we have two emos and three sadsacks…

Gaara, Naruto, and Kakashi: We wouldn't be so sad if you hadn't destroyed our stuff!

Author: lalalalalala I can't hear you! Lalalalalala

Gaara: Gimme back my damn eyebrows! (Rips them off of Lee's face)

Lee: NOOOO, not my precious eyebrows! (rips off Gai's)

Gai: LEE! Not my eyebrows! (Rips off mine)

Author: OWCH! Nobody touches the eyebrows! (Four way fight involving Gaara, me, Lee, and Gai)

Hinata: Ummm… since the author is a bit busy I guess I will have to do the chapter ending. (blushes) Im so nervous…

All: Just do it!

Hinata: Uhmm… right… thanks for reading, and don't forget to review… also, check out some of the author's other stories, including a massive-length work-in-progress title called "The great battle between pure good and purer evil" if you're reading in the Yu-gi-oh section, and "The great battle, full story" if you're reading in the X-Over section. It's currently situated in the Yu-gi-oh world, moving on to the other worlds in the order they are listed in the first chapter. Reviews on any stories would be appreciated. If you're only a Naruto fan then his story "15 ways to annoy various Naruto characters" is also a must-read! Thank you, review, and have a nice day!

Naruto: AND SEND US FOOD IN YOUR REVIEWS!

All: YEAH!


	11. Starting Small Again

Author's Notes: Woohoo! I think its about time I did a chapter on time instead of late, so here you go! It's the fourth chapter of "The Greatest Battle" so please enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I do not… okay you know what? Screw this! If I did own Yu-gi-oh I would be doing it WAAAY better than that crappy ass 5D's and GX, and Yugi would still be the main character AND the pharaoh would still be there! So forget you!

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_**Naruto Q&A**_

_**Chapter 11: Starting Small Again**_

Author: MWAHAHAHAHA! (Kicks in the door to the room and lightning flashes behind him)

(All ninja hide behind the nearest objects)

Author: Geez, what a bunch of cowards. Well, I'm back on my review schedule so… here's to kicking some serious arse! Woo! FIRST REVIEW! And once again thanks to you who still tolerate my irregular updating!

_**SillyDarkRose**_

_**Mwahahahahahaha  
tee hee  
Naruto: i like you and i'm really sorries about the ramen so here's a all you can eat ramen ticket  
Kakashi: yeah i hate you. you only focus on the emo-bastard and not on the REAL talent -looks at naruto pointedly-  
Gai: seriously youth? seriously. -slaps him in the face- grow some balls man.  
I likeys gaara  
-kidnaps him and demands 20,0 lbs of pocky to be delivered to her lai-i mean home-**_

Naruto: You are? REALLY!??! WOOHOO! I GOT AN ALL YOU CAN EAT RAMEN TICKET! (Does victory dance)

Author: Did you forget that there is no Ichiraku Ramen Stand to cash in that ticket at any more?

Naruto: … (cries) Why are you so mean to me?!?!

Author: BECAUSE YOUR MISERY IS MY DESSERT! (Bashes Naruto on the head with caveman club he pulled out of nowhere) Anyway…

Kakashi: Why? Sasuke's pretty damn cool now.

Sasuke: Like I was ever not cool.

Author: YEAH!!! (Party confetti and balloons fall from the ceiling) Because if you read "15 ways to annoy various Naruto characters" you will know that Sasuke is no longer gay!

Sasuke: I was gay once?

Author: Err… nooo…

Sasuke: Ok, good.

Kakashi: Yeah, as I was saying… he's awesome.

Author: And he loves me! (Returns to Itachi form)

Sasuke: BROTHER! (Hugs)

Author: I hope this lasts forever!

Gai: (holds his face) NOOoooo! The ladies never love me…

Lee: Don't worry Sensei! I know how you feel. We can overcome this together with the…

Both: POWER OF YOUTH!

All others: SHUT UP!

Both: Awww…

Gaara: Wait, what?!?! (gets kidnapped)

Author: Uhh… well… that's not good. For him anyway.

Sasuke: Why not?

Author: Last time his fangirls got to him he was beaten, mugged, and raped within seconds of one another, and in some cases all at the same time.

Naruto: Owch. That has to suck…

Author: Yeah and we can't even ransom him.

Sasuke: Why not?

Author: Cuz I have no friggin clue what the heck "pocky" is. Anyway…

_**JustYourAverageCrazyGirl**_

_**hehe, i thought you WERE Itachi... oh well! great job!**_

Author: I AM Itachi. Need a demonstration? (Sets Naruto on fire with Amaterasu)

Naruto: OH GOD IT BURNS! (Runs around in circles, then sits on the floor and does push-ups)

Hinata: What is he doing?!?!

Naruto: Stop… drop… sit-up…

Author: FOR THE LAST TIME, IT'S STOP DROP AND ROLL IDIOT!

Naruto: Why would I spend time rolling around on the ground!?! IM ON FIRE! (Continues doing sit-ups)

Author: (Sigh) Well, while that idiot goes about his business… I'll see you in the next chapter! And be sure to review this and my other stories as well! Ciao!

UPDATE SCHEDULE BASED ON PUBLISH DATE:

_The Greatest Battle_ will be updated on the 5th of March, 2009, Chapter 5, chapter entitled "Unwelcome Interference".

_The Crack(fic) house_, a brand new story, will be published on the 12th of March, 2009, with the first chapter titled "New Residents".

_15 ways to annoy various Naruto Characters _ will be updated on the 19th of March, 2009, chapter 6, Chapter titled "Uselessness at its finest".

_Naruto Q&A _ will be updated on the 26th of March, 2009, chapter 12, chapter title to be decided.


	12. Well, this makes me quite the idiot!

Author's Notes: Okay, I got a couple of letters asking for more Naruto Q & A, but unfortunately without reviews there's very little I can do about it… or at least that's what I thought. I honestly did not realize there were more reviews awaiting my judgement… I mean writing! So let's start right away!

By the way, incase the characters who are here are getting confusing, I will post a list of all the characters who are present at the end, to maximize the torturing – err… questioning value of your reviews!

_**BEGIN**_

_**STORY**_

(Black Screen)

Sasuke: … do you think he's gone guys?

Naruto: Yeah… he hasn't been in here forever.

Sakura: Doesn't he realize that there's reviews over there? (Shows a whopping three envelopes in a corner)

(Zooms back to show Sakura, Naruto, Sasuke, and Kakashi hiding behind a log)

Kakashi: Do you think he forgot that we're still here?

Author: (Rises up evilly behind them) NO!

All: AAAAAHHHHH (Scream and run around in circles)

Author: Really guys, thanks for staying here so long.

Kakashi: We don't have a choice!

Naruto: Yeah, you locked the door!

Author: Couldn't you guys just use ninja skills to open the door?

Naruto: Only Kakashi could do that.

Sasuke: Yeah, and Kakashi refuses to open it because of the fact that his Icha Icha Paradise books are stored somewhere in this room, and he wants to find them.

Author: How the hell have you guys been here for so long anyway? Shouldn't you have, like, starved to death or something?

Naruto: Uh… (points over to pile of skeletons in the corner) We had to eat the others.

Author: Naruto… (Rises up evilly over the group)

Sasuke: How'd he get 20 feet tall?

Sakura: How the hell does anything around here happen.

Sasuke: Good point.

Naruto: Uh… oh I get it. Relax. (Points to a corner where Hinata is dining on steak buffet) She found your emergency "I'm too lazy to write an update and feed you guys so here's food for Hinata, good luck eating each other, other people" kit.

Author: You know, I forgot all about that. Okay then! (Shrinks back down). But I guess I'd better revive the others…

(poof)

Lee: Hey, we're alive again! Revived by the power of Youth! (Gets launched into outer space once more)

Kiba: Wait… if he got launched into space…

Gai: That means we're still here!

Ino: NOOOO, KILL ME AGAIN!

(All except for Team 7 (Naru, Sasu, Saku, Kaka…)

Author: Hey, the first four letters of your name make Kaka. You sick bastard!

Kakashi: … You know what, I'm going to go plug my ears in the corner now.

(Hey, stop interrupting my Narration you two!)

Author: HEY! Who signs your paycheck at the end of the day?

(Point taken. Continuing on… everyone but Team 7 and Gaara start running around in circles screaming)

Gaara: (Stands silently in the middle of the chaos) Gonna kill somebody… gonna kill somebody…

Haku: Save me, Zabuza!

Zabuza: Mpphhhmpphmpph! (Translation: Screw you, I've gotta get out of here!) (Runs into Gaara)

Gaara: THAT'S IT! (Goes on a killing rampage)

Author: Oh my god… that shouldn't be physically possible!

Sasuke: That's what he's saying!

Lee: OH GOD, THIS SHOULDN'T BE PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE (Ripping sound)

Sakura: Oh man, that's gotta hurt!

Haku: NO…. oh my god, sand should not be going there! Aaarrgghhh…

(When the sand clears, all but myself and the… HEY! Wait a second! If I'm getting paid by you, then why do I always refer to "Author" as myself?)

Author: Uh… bad writing in order to make a joke fit?

(Yeah, bad writing, I can believe that…)

Author: HEY! (Punches off-screen)

(OOF! Okay, okay, going back to work… All but the Author and Team 7, plus Gaara, are dead again… except for Hinata, who's still finishing up her steak dinner)

Author: Damnit Gaara! (Confiscates sand) No more killing rampages!

Gaara: It was their fault!

Author: Oh shut up and lets move on. After all, we're getting way too deep into chaos before the review even starts! So here's the first review, from…

Dimentio713

Muhahahahhahahahhahahahhqahah  
This so cool!  
Now, let's get ready for dares!  
Sasuke: Burn all your videoes of you and orochimaru!  
Somebody evil: Battle me! So somebody at least reviews to my fics!  
Naruto: I'm selling ramen, if you get through college with Big the Cat, and every idiot in the world!  
Sakura: I feel your pain, (gives her woman-eating flowers) here you go!  
Kakashi: I feel your pain too, (gives him man-eating flowers that also eat Icha Icha Paradise Books, including *coughpervertscough*  
I'm done here! So... Peace out from dimentio713

Sasuke: What videos? You mean this one I found in the player?

Author: Sasuke, NOOOOOO! (Leaps in slow-motion towards the video player)

(Shows all except for the Author moving at regular speed)

Sasuke: Why is he moving so slowly

Author: Iiiiitsss foooorrrr draaaamaaaatiiiiccc effeccctttt…

Sasuke: Whatever. (Pushes play)

(Voices from the TV)

Orochimaru: Oh, Sasuke, you devil you!

Sasuke: I love you Orochimaru…

(Back to reality)

Reporter: Upon entering this seemingly abandoned building, its complete chaos!

(Camera shows Kiba crying in the corner, Kakashi stabbing himself in the corner with his own Chidori, all the girls doing their best to avoid watching the video just to see Sasuke naked, Naruto using his own shadow clones to strangle himself, and the Author throwing up in the corner)

Author: DAMNIT! (Shoots lightning at the VCR to blow it up)

(Almost all the males are now dead, the girls are recovering from disgust, and Sasuke is still staring at the TV)

Author: Sasuke… Sasuke are you there?

Sasuke: … AAAHHHH!

Author: WHAT?!?!

Sasuke: I just had the most horrible dream ever! I was trapped in a room with a guy who was only known as "The author", and he had almost all of the ninjas trapped in a room, where he let people write in about how to torture… OH MY GOD ITS TRUE!

Author: … Wow. That video sent him into shock.

Sasuke: But you know what the worst part of the dream was?

Author: (sigh) what?

Sasuke: You took Orochimaru away from me! He's here, isn't he?

Author: Wait, WHAT?!?!

Girls: WHAT?!?!? 

Cameraman for the reporter: WHAT?!?!

Author: WOULD YOU GET OUT OF HERE ALREADY!??! (Throws reporter and cameraman outside)

Sasuke: Where's my friend Orochimaru?

Author: Sasuke… don't tell me you're gay again!??!

Sasuke: Of course I'm gay damnit! Now where's Orochimaru? I've got a wonderful video tape to show all you guys..

All still alive: AAAAAAAHHHH (commit suicide)

Author: DAMNIT SASUKE, YOU MADE ME DO THIS! (Pulls out a golf club)

Sasuke: Made you do wha- (Gets four'd (haha, a pun) across the head and knocked out)

Author: Its even worse this time! Now he's openly admitting he's gay! DAMN YOU, Dimentio, DAMN YOU!

Hinata: Sorry, Author… (Zaps him with a cattle prod)

Author: YOWCH! What was that for?

Hinata: You told us if you ever started cursing at the reviewers we were supposed to shock you.

Author: Oh… yeah… well, I guess we'd better finish the reviews. (looks around at piles of dead bodies) After I revive everyone again. (Poof, again)

Naruto: Oh god, the horror! THE HORROR!

Author: Relax, you pansies. I've destroyed the VCR.

Kiba: Thank god!

Zabuza: Mmmph, mpphhh phmm, hmpph mph. (Translation: I'll battle you, if you can promise, to get me out of here!)

Author: You're not leaving that easily Zabuza! And besides, you can't harm reviewers. (Pulls him back)

Sakura: Wait, you can understand what he's saying?

Author: No, but with that review its not that hard to tell what he's thinking.

Naruto: Really? That's awesome! I can pass it no problem! After all, I got 50% on that test the Author made me take last week.

Author: Naruto, that wasn't a test! That was Celebrity Jeopardy… the easiest game show ever. And you STILL managed to fail!

Naruto: Aww…

Author: Maybe one of the reviewers will be nice enough to give you ramen later on. Until then, shut up!

Sakura: I know! It's so horrible isn't it? I mean, first I get trapped here with everyone else, then I start getting tortured, and then whenever he gets lazy we get left to eat each other, and then Sasuke turns gay again, and now my hair's starting to frizz up and I think all this stress is giving me a migraine and – (While she complains the flowers slowly grow huge behind her and eat her in one bite)

Author: Wow. That's a big flower.

Sakura: (Inside plant stomach) Where am I?

Orochimaru: Hello, Sakura!

Sakura: Oh, hey Orochimaru.

Orochimaru: What, you're not scared of me?

Sakura: Why would I be? You're gay, and there's no guys around here for you to screw with to gross me out.

Orochimaru: Actually, Sakura… I'm bi.

(Back outside the plant)

Author: I wonder if she's dead yet?

(Suddenly hear Sakura screaming)

Plant: (Slowly expands then blows up, to reveal Orochimaru practically on top of Sakura)

Sasuke: O… Orochimaru… how could you do this to me?!? (Runs off crying)

Orochimaru: Wait, Sasuke, its not what it looks like! (Follows him into a side room)

All: O.o

Author: Well, at least he still had his clothes on.

Sakura: I never… never want to go through that again.

Author: It may have been worth it.

Sakura: How is that?

Author: That room in there is rigged up with a special trap… watch. (Pushes button)

Orochimaru's voice: Sasuke, please!

Sasuke: I'll never forgive you Orochimaru!

Author: Hm… it doesn't seem to be working. (Opens door and looks in, then shuts door and turns around green in the face)

Naruto: What's the matter?

Author: … He forgave him really fast.

All: (Vomit)

Author: Work, damn you! WORK! (Pushes button repeatedly until suddenly the entire room with Sasuke and Orochimaru explodes)

Hinata: So… are you going to revive them, or…?

Author: No. Not ever, ever again. Moving on…

Kakashi: Oh no you don't, I'm not going to fall for that trick like Sakura did!

Author: Really? Because that plant needs to be fed with something.

Kakashi: Well, you could've just fed Sasuke and Orochimaru to it.

Author: Yeah, that would've worked. But I've got a better idea… (pulls out secret stash of Icha Icha paradise books) Did I mention this thing eats books?

Kakashi: You… wouldn't… dare…

Author: You really haven't learned anything in 11 chapters of torture have you? (Throws the books at the plant)

Kakashi: NOOOOooooo (leaps into the plant's mouth)

Author: Wow… what a moron.

Kakashi's voice: Hey, its not so bad in here. Kinda roomy, actually.

Kurenai's voice: Hello, Kakashi.

Kakashi's voice: I TAKE IT BACK! LET ME OUT OF HERE! This couldn't possibly get any worse!

Author: (Works his magic)

Anko's voice: Hello, Kakashi.

Kakashi: Damn you, Author!

Author: Anyway, this is getting really long so I hope you guys are satisfied with the length for awhile. The next review is from…

.Fall

OMFG OMFG OMFG! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR INSANITY!  
I CAN"T WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER OF HILARIOUS TORTURE! LOL.  
PS: I sent you a PM with my torture stuff in it. I dont remember all of them... so I can't write them here in my review. :`(  
I wish I had better memory, damn it.  
ANYways, please use those!  
STILL CAN"T WAIT! UPDATE SOON!

Author: Well… sorry. :( I never got your PM. But I did update this largely because I saw your PM, so thanks for that! Since that had no torture we'll be moving on…

Colleen Sotac

yo! kay so i havent been here for a while and i gots lots of torturous things to say. but first off pocky is fudge on an edible stick so theres that. kakashi: i hate you even more now (kicks kakashi in the knee) heheh. brocli: shut up or i"ll cut your legs off. ya know what im gonna do it anyway! (snaps his legs off) naruto: (shoves in a closet with hinata) i just wanna see whats gonna happen. gamer816: (glomps) yayz! see ya!

Author: You certainly haven't been here in awhile… yup I totally remember when you last reviewed… (looks through old drawer filled with review files) Lemme see here… pocky ransom… telling gai to grow a pair… Hulk Kakashi…

Kakashi: Hey, that's it! (Turns into the hulk and rips out of the plant, Kurenai and Anko each hanging off an arm. His pants are hanging on by a thread)

Girls: O.o

Haku: Well, at least he kept his shorts on.

Author: No more destruction! (Turns Kakashi back to normal)

Kakashi: Wait, if I'm normal again, then… NOooooo (gets dragged off into a side room by Kurenai and Anko)

Anko + Kurenai: We're about to write a whole new chapter to your book Kakashi…

Kakashi: But I like it just the way it is!

Author: Gai, I'm sorry.

Gai: For what.

Author: Telling you to grow a pair. OBVIOUSLY Kakashi needs to grow a pair then learn how to use em! You hear that Kakashi? 

Kakashi: Screw you!

Anko: Oh, please do!

Kakashi: NOT YOU!

Author: Anyway… ahh, here it is! (Digs out old file) Yup… been about a year now since the last review! Ahh… good times. Anyway, thanks for telling me what pocky is. Now, lets get down to tortures!

Kakashi: (Pulls himself out of the doorway) Yes! I got away this time! (Gets kicked in the knee, knee breaks and he falls down). What?!?! Damn it, not again! (Is dragged back into the side room)

Author: Good timing on that kick, Colleen.

Naruto: Doesn't anyone ever just ask questions?

Author: Not really. And we don't know who Brocli is, so we'll just move on to… the next… torture…

Naruto and Hinata: Huh? (Get shoved into an empty closet)

Sakura: Why do you have an empty closet anyway?

Author: It used to have Kakashi's porno books stored in it.

Sakura: Have you really gotten rid of all of them? I mean, you did burn down the last review house with them.

Author: Hell no. We're not even halfway through! I've got at least twenty more closets and three mansions full of those things. He's got at least ten copies of every book. Back on topic… you wanna see whats going to happen?!?! I'LL SHOW YOU! (Pulls out Samurai sword)

(Inside the closet)

Naruto: Got any threes?

Hinata: (Blushing in the dark) Um… g-g-go fish.

Author: (Busts down the door, which conveniently lands on Naruto)

Naruto: … Oww.

Hinata: (walks out of the closet)

Author: No… more… Naruhina… tortures! (Stabs through the door with samurai sword)

Naruto: Oww! That doesn't go there! Oh god! My spleen! My liver! My lasagna!

Sakura: Did he seriously just call it his lasagna?

Author: (Stops stabbing for a second) Is it really that surprising to you? (Goes back to stabbing)

Sakura: I guess not. Since the author is a bit busy, I guess I'll announce the ending-

Author: AARRGH! (Gets glomped) More fangirl glomping! Yeah… I guess I can do the chapter ending now… my sword got lost when I got glomped. SO! Please, revi-

Sasuke fangirls: (Bust down the wall) NOT SO FAST! 

All: FREEEEDOM! (Run out through the hole in the wall)

Author: … Do you realize how long it'll take me to find them again?

Sasuke fangirls: It'll be good punishment for you, for killing our Sasuke!

Author: How can you still be fangirls when he's gay!?

Sasuke fangirls: Well, we've always kind of thought he was gay… but he's still hot!

Author: Ahh… good old fangirl logic.

Sasuke fangirls: Revive Sasuke before the end of the chapter, or we'll make people stop reviewing this story!

Author: Its not like I ever got THAT many reviews anway.

Sasuke fangirls: Then we'll take away your Icha Icha Paradise books!

Author: Go ahead. I only keep those around to torture Kakashi, and if you take them away from him then it'll be torture for him anyway.

Sasuke fangirls: Okay… we didn't want to have to do this, but… (Zap Hinata with a red laser)

Author: What did you do to her?!

Hinata: I love Sasuke! Where is he, I just wanna glomp him! Lolz he's so hawt and…

Author: NOOOOOoooo! Okay, you win! Just turn her back to normal!

Sasuke fangirls: (Zap her with a blue laser)

Hinata: Why do I suddenly feel like killing myself?

Author: No reason. Now… (revives Sasuke)

Sasuke: Huh? Where am I?

Author: You're back here Sasuke. You might as well leave, the others already have.

Sasuke: Why would I leave? Orochimaru's out there! That gay bastard won't get his hands on me! 

Author: Sasuke… you could not have picked a worse time to be straight again.

Sasuke: Again? Was I gay?

Author: … never mind.

Sasuke fangirls: He's straight again girls! GET HIM!

Sasuke: AAAAHHHH (Is stripped and dragged off)

Author: Grr… (fixes up the wall) It's gonna take me ages to find all of them again.

Kakashi: (Crawls out of the private room wrapped in only a towel) So… horrible…

Author: Well, at least I still have you.

Kakashi: That sounded really gay.

Author: (Blows up Kakashi) Okay, now it really is just me… well, here's a list of all the characters… to help you review, and to help me find them again!

Naruto

Sakura

Sasuke

Kakashi

Kiba

Hinata  
Ino

Rock Lee

Gaara

Zabuza and Haku

Neji

Shikamaru

Some guests who you can include in your reviews (meaning they haven't become permanent members, but they HAVE been used to torture some of the permanent members):

Chouji

Tsunade

Jiraiya

Anko + Kurenai

Orochimaru

Gai

If you want a new character added just say so!

Hinata: That note was the longest speech you've done in the entire story.

Author: Yeah… I just wish I knew how the fangirls found out about Sasuke not being revived before this chapter was even posted!

Evil Twin: IT WAS ME! Mwahahaha (pops around the corner)

Author: Okay that's it! (Blows up the entire area around the torture building)

Hinata: You do realize you just blew up the greater part of New York, right?

Author: Yeah, but as long as he went down with them I'm okay with it. By the way, for those of you interested in where the Evil Twin idea came from, go to my profile and look up the story "The greatest battle between pure good and purer evil", it's a very good story (though I may be a bit biased there), which will span multiple animes/books/tv shows/manga/ etc... If you don't like Yu-gi-oh it will move on to even Naruto eventually! So please check it out.

Don't forget to review!


End file.

Naruto, Humor