Inuyasha, Yu Yu Hakusho Kagome Kagome

Chapter 1: Loving Miroku

"Hey, I wanna stop. I'm bored." Shippo jumped from Kagome's bag, taking several empty boxes of pocky and rolled up socks with him. Kagome stopped to pick them up; missing the angry look Inuyasha sent the small demon child. "There's a lake I smell it. I wanna swim."

Shippo grabbed Kagome's hand, tugging her off balance. "Can we Kagome? Please?"

"Maybe another time Shippo." Kagome looked out of the corner of her eye. Inuyasha was fuming. "Inuyasha wants us to hurry."

"But I wanna!" Shippo's eyes became wet. "We never do anything fun."

"Know what would be fun, brat, my _damn_ wish. But does it look like I have _my_ fucking jewel, huh brat?" Inuyasha crossed his arms over his chest.

Kagome picked Shippo up. Turning back to Inuyasha, she pointed a finger at his chest. "Stop being an asshole. He is just a kid. And he's right."

"We need to find the fucking jewel."

"We need a break!" Kagome kept her tone level. "We're burned out. I am tired of running around all the time. The jewel can wait an hour."

"Kikyo knew how to do her duty!"

Inuyasha sent Kagome a withering glare. Kagome, white with rage, muttered under her breath, _"Kikyo never cursed. She was always so proper. We fuck with our pinkies out." _

Miroku spoke up. "I sense a storm. Perhaps we should make camp beside the river. The trees are thick enough."

"We'll keep going. Storm or no storm." Inuyasha started walking again.

Kagome sighed. "Is it because of Kouga?"

"This has nothing to do with Koga," Inuyasha said.

"It always has something to do with Kouga-kun." Kagome adjusted her backpack across her shoulders. "We could ask him for shelter. He would warm us up if we asked."

Inuyasha turned red.

"Oh, grow some balls. I did not mean anything by it. I don't want to run into anymore demons tonight." Kagome shrugged. "So are we going or staying?"

"That mangy wolf has better things to do than cater to a useless human." Inuyasha watched with pleasure as Kagome stiffened.

"I'm not the useless one," Kagome pointed out. "Kouga knows how to mind his manners."

"You always treat that damn wolf better than me. You always run into his arms like some whore." Inuyasha went pale when the words left his mouth. He watched Kagome's face hardened. She had been red in the face from all the yelling, the color drained from her face. Inuyasha turned away. "I won't apologize."

Miroku smiled. "I know you are not a whore."

Kagome turned on the monk. "Then why do you treat me like one?"

Kagome pulled away from Miroku, curling her shoulders in. Inuyasha narrowed his eyes in anger, but his mouth was tight with worry.

Sango turned on Inuyasha. "Look, look what you did. You treat her like shit, no wonder she's upset." Sango did not touch Kagome, merely kneeling down beside the girl, her eyes still on Inuyasha.

"She dresses like one!" Inuyasha turned away, his face towards the forest. Sango made a harsh noise in the back of her throat. Inuyasha turned back. "What? She does. Kikyo would never—"

"Thank god!" Kagome's voice was high pitched. "Thank god I'm not Kikyo." She pushed Sango away from her. "Thank god I'm not a soul stealing bitch." She put her hand to her mouth, as if to shove the words back in. Then her face took on a hard look. "I'm telling the truth. She is nothing but a flower pot."

"What did you say about Kikyo?" Inuyasha's eyes were turning red. Sango stood, placing her hand on her sword. Miroku pulled on Inuyasha's sleeve.

"I said that Kikyo is a soul stealing bitch that should be dead." Kagome was lit from within, her power just below her skin. The air smelled like metal. Miroku wondered how this would end.

"Kikyo is a better miko than you will ever be!"

Inuyasha began screaming about Kagome being jealous of Kikyo, about skirting her duty to the jewel, to the mission, to him. Kagome was so still Miroku thought she might have abandoned her body. Kagome started to cry. Inuyasha did not stop. It was not until Miroku took his staff and swung it like a baseball bat against Inuyasha's skull that Inuyasha shut up.

"You will not speak to Kagome-sama like that. She has given up her life of peace to help us." Miroku had memorized his lines. He thought Kagome a bit spoiled at times. She was not meant for war, not as they were. She was putting aside her fears and future to make sure they got revenge.

"Ouch, bastard monk!" Inuyasha snarled at Miroku.

"I am merely a messenger of truth." Miroku sighed. "And you are filled with shit." With that, Miroku gathered up a silent Shippo and headed down the path.

Kagome followed the monk with her backpack in hand. Something about the way he defended her broke her heart. She always thought so little of him.

XXX

_I need no one but myself..._

XXX

When Kagome got back, Shippo was babbling like a brook. "What is a whore?"

"Don't use that word. It is a grave insult." Miroku admonished. "Inuyasha is not always the most eloquent speaker, we don't want you to become like him."

"Or a pervert like Miroku." Kagome had been following there conversation as she tended to the fire. She thought Miroku looked cute and uneasy with the small demon child clinging to his shoulder.

Miroku smiled. Shippo sighed. "Well, tell me or I'll ask Kaede."

"When a woman is called _a whore_... Well—"

"Miroku, he's like six." Kagome held up her hands.

"Twenty." Shippo looked offended. "And I know my parents mated all the time. It is how babies are born. _Humans._" Shippo then looked sheepish. "Sorry Kagome, I like humans."

Kagome rolled her eyes.

"So, what is a whore?" Shippo asked again. Kagome and Miroku gave him a hard look. Sango had caught up with them when Kagome started laughing and gave Shippo a hard look.

"It's a woman who seeks out other people's husbands and sleeps with them for personal enjoyment. It is a woman who has no honor." Sango shrugged when Kagome gave her a hard look. "He wanted to know. He would have used the word in public if you did not tell him. You can't use it Shippo, no one with any honor calls a woman that." She gave a pointed look towards Inuyasha's back.

"But Kagome is unmated." Shippo knotted his brows. "She hasn't mated anyone, ever."

Kagome turned red. "Shippo!"

Shippo turned his questioning gaze up to Kagome. "Sorry."

Kagome smiled. She took the kit back from Miroku and Shippo settled into the valley between Kagome's neck and the top of the backpack. Kagome smiled, lifting her arm back to pet his head. He licked her palm, making her squeal. "Shippo, that tickles."

Miroku smiled. "Might I join in the game?"

Sango slapped him upside the head. "Pervert," they all said in unison. They broke into a fit of giggles, only stopping when Inuyasha turned his hot amber eyes on them.

Miroku began the game, as was their tradition, with something funny, "I think your skirt is lovely. I don't like those funny hakamas you wear."

"I think you act like pervert. But I don't think you really are." Kagome looked serious. The light in her eyes told Miroku she was pleased that someone noticed her, even if it was the wrong male.

"I think Sango is beautiful," Miroku said, as way of apology. "But I do not think she loves me."

Kagome shook her head. "Says the guy who can't settle down." Kagome snorted. "Monogamy, I think monogamy is a lost art form. I don't think that has changed in my time either."

"I think you might be right," Miroku said, not bothering to look at Kagome. "But there is so much art to form."

Kagome slapped him on the knee. "That made no sense, perve."

"I think you hang out with Lady Sango far too often. I don't think I like it." Miroku watched Kagome turn red. "Your turn, my lady."

"I think. I think Inuyasha thinks I'm his mother. I don't think he will ever love me."

Kagome looked over at Miroku, expecting to see pity in his inky eyes. The monk had his eyes closed, his face turned up towards the sun, as if praying. Kagome knew how much imagination the monk had. He was switching through his mental porn stations. She played with his dragon tail, tugging hard. Miroku cracked an eye.

"I did not know Inuyasha was so troubled as to desire a woman who reminds him of his mother." Miroku's grin stretched across his face. "Do you often play such games? You can be my mother Kagome. I will even be a good son and do all you ask."

Kagome hit Miroku with the back of her hand. "I was being serious. I think he thinks that, really. And I know he doesn't love me."

Miroku's face became shadowed. "Why do you all have to think—Kagome-chan, desire has nothing to do with love. You are an attractive female, despite looking like Inuyasha's mother. He desires you, even if he does not love you."

"Then why does he treat me like shit all the time." Kagome plucked a blade of grass from the ground and ripped it into small pieces. She threw the confetti at Miroku. "He treats me like I am going to leave him one moment then blames me for everything that went wrong in his life the next. It's like he's trying to decide if his mother abandoned him or was taken away. If he wants to do me that is not the way to do it."

"I see. Perhaps, he is using you to solve his abandonment issues. You will not leave him, thus he can take his anger out on you." Miroku stretched out his legs. He moved his 'cursed' hand towards Kagome's backside, intent on cupping her divine bottom under her appetizingly short green skirt.

"I _told_ you to stop reading my text books." Kagome froze when Miroku's hand skimmed the lining of her underwear. She clenched her hands in her lap. She made no move to push him away. She reminded him of a rabbit right before the hawk grabs them up. Miroku made small circles with his palm.

"He is a fool, Kagome-_chan_, to let such a handsome girl go unattended. He needs to treat you like a woman." Miroku leaned in closer, crossing his legs under his robes. Kagome sucked in air. His hand stopped after moment, remaining on the curve of her bottom.

His palm was hot through her cotton panties. She could feel his fingers clenching into her flesh. Something hot spiked in her. She nodded, weakly. At the panicked look on her face, Miroku pulled his hand away.

"Is that all you desired Lady Kagome?" His tone was darker than she had ever heard it. Kagome shook her head.

"Sure, yeah, pretty much. I just wanted to know what you thought." Kagome's voice sounded lighter, she was trying to be casual. Miroku reached for her hand. He felt no guilt, but worried she would be scared away.

He was too close. Kagome swallowed, tilting her head away. "Miroku, Sango…"

Miroku clicked his tongue. "Kagome, I think we were talking about you." He breathed against her neck. She smelled like something floral. His lips touched her skin. She shivered. He ran his tongue along the shell of her ear. She made a soft sound, as if she was asphyxiated. Miroku pulled away, breathing hot air against her damp skin.

His voice was deep and rich."I think Inuyasha is a fool. Such devotion wasted on an idiot. I would show you exactly how _pleased _I was with you if I were him."

Miroku ran his thumb over the back of her hand. "Shall I read your fortune, Lady Kagome, so you might see if there is love for you in the future?"

Kagome did not like how he said "love." It sounded too sexual. Kagome jerked her hand away from his. She watched him with doe eyes.

Miroku thought she looked lovely, flushed with embarrassment. He could almost imagine her lying on her back, red from exercise and pleasure. Miroku pulled away, looking from Kagome to the tree line. She was too tense.

Miroku's voice returned to normal. "Lady Kagome, perhaps you only have to approach him in such a manner, and pull the _stick from his ass_—as Wise Brother Souta says." Miroku looked pious, as usual. "Perhaps our dear Inuyasha enjoys such things. The tension between Kouga and he, it is very unsettling."

Kagome seemed frozen before bursting out in bottomless laughter. When five minutes had gone by, she gathered her wits. Her tone was light and free. "Souta isn't a wise brother, he's a _brat._" Kagome paused for a moment as if thinking very hard about something. She looked from Miroku's hand to her own, though they were not joined. She made a decision. Scooting closer to the monk, she leaned her head against his shoulder. When he wrapped his arm around her she said, "Why do you have to make me feel better? Why can't he?"

"He will never make anyone feel better, Kagome. He will always be unhappy." Miroku's tone held no innuendo or laughter. He looked down at the woman and smiled. "Lady Kagome, you would be destroyed by him. He would never see you. Kikyo is a ghost that will never go away."

They fell into silence like some fall into love, suddenly and without much fuss. They stayed that way until the sun feel against the points of the tree, blinking like a flame in the wind.

Miroku broke the silence first. "I think, Lady Kagome, you need to stand up for yourself."

Kagome pulled away. "Excuse me?"

"I don't think you are stupid. I think you must stand up for yourself. I shall not repeat my wisdom again." Miroku looked amused, his mouth curled at the ends.

"What do you mean, I am honest. I am honest with him. He hurts me." Kagome's eyes were wet stars. Miroku's mouth straightened his violet eyes serious. "You must stop being a coward. You cannot let your fears of hurting Inuyasha get in the way. You must dominate him. He is a dog. That is how it works in the demon world." Miroku paused, finger tapping his chin. "You already taught him to sit. A few more tricks and we can sell him to the circus."

Kagome's laughter burst from within her chest, causing her to fall against the monk. Miroku smiled down at the younger girl. "I shall protect you Kagome-chan; we don't need the old dog."

"I'll think about it Miroku. I will, really, think about it." Her voice was rough and broken from laughter. She gave him a heart-wrenching smile. "You're a good friend Miroku. Thank you."

"I was just being honest." Miroku looked pious. "We must always be honest with each other."

She stood, dusting grass off her short skirt. She knitted her brows together and nodded. "I agree. We shall promise always to be honest. Promise me?" She held out her hand. "Promise we won't live a lie. No more masks or cowards or, or those things."

Miroku took her hand. Kagome smiled, turning on her heel sharply. She started running the moment she was on the worn path that stretched from the well to the village like a scar. Before he could call her back, so he could show his honest appreciation of her charms, Kagome disappeared through the thick foliage in a flash of white panties.

"I shall show you how honest I can be, Kagome-chan." Miroku grinned. "I am a monk; I must always keep my word."

xxx

Sango thought Miroku and Kagome naïve. Sango wanted to snap at Kagome every time she said, "It's not fair." _I know this. It's never going to be fair. _

Kagome had strength in her pathetic notions; the same way the sword on Sango's back felt like home. Kagome talked about her home, about the future through the well. "We have indoor plumbing, there are things called movies—moving paintings that tell stories."

It made Sango want to scream. Inuyasha had seen this future; he could visit any time he wanted. Miroku and Shippo thought it beautiful. Only Sango felt destroyed knowing Kagome have very little to lose on this grand adventure.

Miroku had no excuse. He would never see such a future. He barely had tomorrow.

He should have understood Sango's empty eyes. He was handsome; there was no need for promises of a future. But Miroku needed promises and Kagome was willing to give them.

Miroku believed it was his right to live. they would prevail because they were _good_ and the gods were watching them.

Sango had seen her whole family slaughtered before her eyes. Death breathed across her skin, blinded her to anything but the battle to end Naraku. Raised with a strong hand, Sango knew dedication. Miroku, with his loving, alcoholic uncle, and Kagome with her little brother, would never understand.

Sango wanted to love him, the gods intended for him to be loved. She did not want babies; babies meant she would be unable to defend herself. Babies were for girls who had been injured beyond the point of full recovery. It was for slaves. Not for elite warriors, not for someone who had to kill to survive.

Inuyasha understood.

They were prey. If Naraku had not been infatuated with Kagome's powers, she would have been long dead.

So it was easy for Sango to lie about going home, she had done it before. Inuyasha was always coming and going as he pleased.

Inuyasha understood.

They were living on borrowed time in the middle of a stale war.

It was _too _easy.

Sango never thought of it as betrayal. Warriors often took lovers on the road, only to return to their civilian wives. Kagome would see it as betrayal, she cried over Kikyo.

If Shippo smelled them, he was silent. Sango could see him growing up, just as she had, the childhood stripped from his eyes. She felt for the little demon, sent him back to Kaede. The battle would be upon them soon and Kagome didn't need any more weaknesses than she already had. Kagome had gone silent at this, but she agreed and the dark eyed Shippo had been sent to the elder Miko. Sango wondered if he would be there when they returned.

Sango felt no need to hide it, but Inuyasha wanted Kagome coddled. Sango wondered when Kagome would realize how Inuyasha truly viewed her. As the reincarnation of Kikyo, he protected her like a child, treated her like an ill bred daughter, and wished for her safety. Kagome thought he wanted her for himself. But Inuyasha was a dog and dogs protected their weakest members. It was something Sango found sad, but funny.

Sango is not the sort of girl who wants someone to remember her name. Inuyasha whispers, "Kikyo" into Sango's dark hair. He says, "You both have the same build. Kagome is too soft. She is not meant to survive. She is a _princess." _

Sango laughs at this. Coming from a man who has lived his life being shattered and rebuilt, it is a compliment. He sees survival in her, Sango will survive; Sango does not need him to be anything more than a warm body.

Tonight Sango asks Inuyasha to stay after sex. "I want to talk to you," Sango says. "It is about Kagome. I think you should let me train her." Sango doesn't want Kagome's death, she wants her rebirth.

"You're talkative tonight," Inuyasha says, sitting up. He adjusts his red coat, crossing his legs.

If Sango was a decent sort of girl, she might be offended he didn't take off his pants. He just untied the cloth and popped it out. Instead she takes it to mean he _needed her, _the hurrying makes her feel powerful.

"I do want to train her, so she won't die," Sango says. "I wonder if I am damaging her."

"I can protect her," Inuyasha says. It is a matter of pride to him, to protect Kagome.

"This war will destroy her. She is weak, like Miroku."

"But you still love the monk," Inuyasha says, looking at her from under his heavy white bangs.

Sango, head turning to take in the stars, shook out her hair. "It's not love, its need," Sango explains. "I want someone to wait for me."

"I smell the death on him," Inuyasha says. He also smells Kagome on Miroku, but he says nothing. Kagome deserves some happiness. Miroku will die soon and Sango won't sleep with him. Miroku makes her think of cages, giving in to him is giving up her key.

"I can't love the dying," Sango says. "I refuse to fight a losing battle."

"Aren't we fighting a losing battle anyways," Inuyasha says, amusement lacing his voice. He stands, giving her his clawed hand.

_How strange_, Sango thought, that she would let a demon touch her. She takes the hand, adjusted her yukata. She moves to her pack, her weapon. She has three days to do her business. Kirara is half a mile away, waiting for her. Inuyasha shrugs when she says, "I have to go."

Inuyasha nods.

Inuyasha is surprised that Kagome is awake. He sneaks back into camp, hair a mess.

Kagome isn't smiling. She says, softly, "An hour is a long time, with your sense of direction. Did you meet up with any demons?"

Her bright blue eyes grow brighter. Inuyasha hates their odd color. They are different that Kikyo's. He wants Kikyo so suddenly it burns his eyes.

Without emotion Kagome's witch eyes scared him.

Kagome tilts her head and laughs. "I think we both know the score now, Inuyasha," Kagome says. "I think Miroku will like to know where Sango stands. You will be so kind as to tell him won't you? Or do I have to?"

The girl turns back to Miroku, lying down beside the sleeping monk. Inuyasha felt guilt boil up in her.

Something in Inuyasha broke. He had been wondering about the subtle changes in Kagome and now he understood. She had known the whole time about Sango's lies, about Inuyasha's choice in a lover.

Kagome had stopped yelling at Inuyasha. Kagome was not dumb. Inuyasha felt smug, until this realization. He wanted Kagome to love him. But she had moved on to Miroku. It wasn't just an affair, something Inuyasha didn't think was all that damaging to his intention to mate Kagome when the battle was over. Not out of love, but a need to protect his last connection to Kikyo.

She must have sensed, with her strange abilities, the way Inuyasha really felt about her. Inuyasha wanted her for her ability to see the shards, for her connection to Kikyo.

Sango wanted her to lead the way to Naraku.

Miroku wanted only companionship. Only Shippo coveted Kagome's heart.

Kagome had been growing stronger with Miroku's secret help. After sex they often meditated together, rubbing their auras across skin. Kagome was defiant, one of the few things Sango liked about her.

For all of Kagome's whining and fear, she wore what she liked, was educated and wasn't afraid to take on demons ten times her size.

Had Kagome been born in Sango's village, the bad parts would have been beaten from her. Her misguided empathy for the wrong people, her trust, would have been gone. Kagome wouldn't be so annoying Sango realized if she had been raised with a stronger hand.

Despite her alleged weakness, Kagome was perceptive to the way people changed, to the subtle moods around her. It was what allowed her to sense and see the jewel. How strong Kagome was, Sango did not know. But it was enough to have Miroku speaking highly of the girl, too highly, if Sango's pride had anything to say.

Kaede called Kagome's new power Sensing. She could feel people, could tell, not the color of their aura, but the weight of their convictions, their true desires. Sango wondered if Kagome sensed the way her stomach tumbled when she thought of Inuyasha's pale hair thrown across his tan back, or how much she longed to feel his fangs on her skin.

In revenge, Sango wants Miroku too. Sango lets Miroku lead her from camp.

His hands are worn, like a path through well known woods. He doesn't touch her; he doesn't ask her to bare his children. He is pensive and handsome, he is thinking of something deep. Sango leans forward, kissing him. He pushes her away.

"I came to tell you I cannot marry you, if I do survive this war," Miroku says. "My affections lie with another."

Sango, despite her health, her physical beauty, wants to die. She wants to let her guard down, wants to let a demon win. It is a heavy burden being young in a world full of old evils.

She wants to scream at Miroku, "Are you lying to me, or trying to be funny? This is not a joke."

"I am not joking, Sango," Miroku says, backing away from her. "I know you do not love me. Your eyes fall on Inuyasha these days."

Kagome has no bright feathers. Kagome is weak.

Miroku becomes concerned when her laughter bursts forth. Sango laughs herself silly because of his eyes, his damn, wide, ridiculously purple eyes. _Hope_. He still has it. Damn him.

She wants to leave, wants Miroku gone, but she cannot stay away. Miroku is so close, so close to understanding the inconstancy she feels.

"No, you promised," Sango whispers.

"I did no such thing," Miroku says. "I promised to make you happy. I will not make you happy."

He is gone before Sango can scream his name.

When Miroku looked into her eyes they filled with rivers and oceans, her doubts and fears leaking out into the world. Anxious for her, it took Miroku weeks to figure out why she clung to him one moment and broke out crying the next.

She was worried for him. He would die, but Kagome would have to live.

Miroku understood his world would be the void, empty, without sound or sensation or Kagome.

She was alive. She was warm, slick, and _alive._ He would make sure she made it home.

Kagome saw the look on his face. She reached out a finger and poked his rough cheek.

"Don't you see the irony? Souta did. Someone who used to be me hates me." She curled up against his side. "So if you hate me for living, that's okay."

"I could never truly hate you." Miroku tapped his fingers together in thought. "I have moved beyond hate and love into enlightenment. You are my test to reach Nirvana."

"Nirvana better be the name of a strip club, or else you're not going to get in."

Miroku's eyebrows draw together. He muttered, "Strip club?"

"In my time men pay to see women strip. The women dance for them," Kagome said, wiggling her hips against his groin. "They give them lap dances."

"Why are there no strip clubs here?" Miroku demanded. He hadn't looked at another woman since Kagome became his lover but his perversion was still a joke between them.

"I don't know. Maybe most of the geisha have class." Kagome shrugged. "You might like my time."

Miroku grinned. "We are alone. Can I pay you for a dance?"

Kagome exhaled loudly. "Pervert, all you think about is sex."

"Please," Miroku asked.

Kagome burst into laughter.

"Maybe later."

Miroku looked crushed.

xxx

The night Inuyasha first made love to Sango she looked up at him and smiled. He knew then she felt nothing, her eyes empty and draining; she took in the light from the sky but reflected nothing back.

When he looked deeply into her he fell, fell until hours had passed and there was nothing left to feel or free or fear. She helped numb him. The more he spent with her the more she drew away, pulled all his strength from his limbs. He felt, when he fucked her, for there was no love or warmth in their actions, that she was killing him. He felt, a horrible, sinking suspicion, that she wanted him to unravel and take her with him.

He tired of her petulant silence, wanted warmth and voices and firelight. He was a man of many needs, all selfish, all shallow, all wanting, needing to be filled. His eyes filled need. Sango merely opened the need for more. When his eyes strayed from Sango's darkness they fell upon Kagome, sweet, foolish, magical Kagome, Kagome who would be dead soon.

He dreamed of Kagome, all her arrogance, all her weakness. She was the sun, he could see it in her eyes, and she reflected back the world, made it brighter. The sun grew and expanded in her chest, the stars draped her skin with jewels, she was a thousand little, thoughtful gestures. He hated that about her that her wealth was happiness and she could not share with him. She was in love, with the monk and it was obvious that they would both die in the coming days, if not from the war from Inuyasha's own selfish desire to have Kikyo back again.

They played "What If" long into the night.

"If I were thirty, I would love you," Miroku said. He would not live past 25.

Kagome admired the way his ponytail curled along his neck, a dark snake. He was topless, the heat clung to his thick robes and made him gasp for breathe. After the long nights of passion she had not objected to his nudity like she had once. There was no blush on her cheek; she was a worldly woman now. Miroku missed the easy way she once turned to mush when he smiled.

There was no one around. Sango was home in her village picking up supplies with Shippo and Kirara. Inuyasha was following his ghosts, visiting Kikyo. They were the only two people for miles.

Kagome yawned into Miroku's shoulder. "How would we meet?" Kagome asked sleepily. She was liquid limbs, close to sleep but curious. Miroku told such lovely lies.

"You would be twenty two, far too old to marry, far too beautiful to ignore. I would pass through your village and see you sitting beside Kaede. I would ask for your hand that instant," Miroku said, running his right hand over her pale arm. He liked the feel of her skin. She wasn't rough with war like Sango.

Kagome took his left hand in her own. She smiled. "What about Sango?" she asked. She snuggled in deeper. Miroku shivered when her breath drew across his skin. His belly tightened.

"Married to some samurai, travelling the land, a legend," Miroku said. His tone was light despite the desire for her.

"What about Shippo and Inuyasha?" Kagome curled in closer to him. She felt very cold.

"Shippo would have his parents. Inuyasha would have his golem but the golem would be a woman," Miroku said, moving his hand from her shoulder to her hair. She mewed in pleasure. "You would be your own woman. I would treat you like you were Kagome, not Kikyo." Miroku said this with such passionate intensity that Kagome sat up quickly. Miroku watched her with purple eyes.

"Kagome… I see you for you," Miroku told her. Kagome had tears trailing down her brown face.

"It really is my fault," Kagome said. She took his face into her hands and kissed him. "You can't kill him because of me. I broke the jewel."

"No, had Inuyasha not been greedy and demanded the jewel none of this would have happened," Miroku said. "If someone is to blame, blame the greedy parties."

"The Jewel came from me. Because of me, Sango has a broken heart. Because of me—" Kagome continued, her shoulders wracked with sobs. Miroku's hand gripped her jaw. She stopped speaking, eyes focused on the monk. She imagined love in his eyes.

"I am here with you, not Kikyo or Sango. I do not blame you. I do not blame you for anything," Miroku said, tucking Kagome's head under his chin, wrapping his arms around her bony shoulders. "I want to spend my last days with you."

Kagome smiled at this. It was more than she expected, but less than she longed for.

She fell back into the game. "I would see you speaking with Kaede, but I wouldn't come so easily. I have suitors, Mr. Monk. They all long for my pale hand." Kagome eased her way onto his lap. Miroku's laughter vibrated through her back.

"Then I will fight them." Miroku's voice was all around her. "I will win your hand or steal you away. I am very powerful. I would keep you in my room, chained to the bed, until you loved me."

"I would hate you," Kagome whispered. "My heart is taken by the lovely Kouga, whose fur skirt makes me think such daring things."

"I would make you love me." Miroku sounded possessive, though there was humor lacing his voice. Kagome felt something in her drown, die, burst into flame. She looked down at her knees. His hands were dark against the pink of her Pajama bottoms.

"Could you love me?" Kagome asked. Her belly looped itself around her throat, tightening.

Miroku paused. "I don't hate you and I don't want you gone, is that love?" he asked. "I don't know love, Kagome, and I am afraid…"

"Afraid…?" Kagome asked softy.

"Afraid love would make dying harder," Miroku said after a long drawn out moment.

Kagome stiffened, pulling away. She stood.

"Kagome?"

"I need to pee."

Miroku let her go. He did not tell her goodnight when she returned. She sucked in the sound, the air felt heavy. She slept across the clearing from him. She did not kiss him. She just ignored him, he did not exist.

It bothered Miroku more than it should have.

It is close to the new moon. Miroku, like Inuyasha, is cursed. Death is knocking, an impatient caller. His hand is icy, the skin hollow, there is no bone or nerve or life; he is surprised that he can move his fingers, twist them in, clench his fist. He does not know how he can bear to feel the skin tear and stretch, the tendons sharp wire. He spends the long day looking at that hand, that strange and empty hand. It is heavy, he cannot raise it to touch her cheek, he cannot hold her hand—he is so heavy, the sickness spreads slowly, each day, until even breathing seems weighed down and foolish.

Kagome is not like Sango, each moment for Sango is death, though she is healthy, strong and beautiful, trained to kill her demons. Tears feel like blood, a warm, wet wound.

Kagome agrees to wait with him. Sango and Inuyasha have gone ahead to catch a rumor Kagome made up about a broken stone in the mountain. He reaches up towards her, tries to cut the sunlight from her eyes.

"I am cursed," Miroku says, "To die before the woman I love."

He wants to live, he wants her to live. But he fears Kagome will follow him into the void if he lets her. He won't, she will live on. He knows now that he loves her, wants her.

He wants her warmth. He wonders if their child would have her eyes and quick smile, or his insatiable hunger for knowledge. He wants to live for her, with her, more than he has wanted anything in his life. He wants her forever. But he cannot even promise tomorrow.

So on the last night of his life, despite the pain inside him, he makes love to her. She is so bright, so warm, so dangerous a hope, that he thought he would burn out, that her lips would separate the life from his heavy limbs.

When he woke to her lightning smiles and slender body, there was a heavy burden on his heart. He grew bitter in the realization that all was lost; he was a black hole and could not condemn her light to die with him. He would surely kill the good in Kagome. Perhaps that was the true curse, to find love and have it taken away.

But he cannot stop himself from telling her, "I love you."

Kagome cries. He smiles.

She lets him take her, again and again in the flickering fire light. Sango and Inuyasha make love miles away in the forest.

He tells her soft things, how strong she is, how wonderful. She flares to life under his smile. He cannot fill the hole in her heart, cannot promise her what she deserves.

Forever.

Xxx

"I have a son." Miroku went pale. "His mother is dead. His father will follow."

Kagome rolled over onto the grass, her head on the hard bone of his shoulder. "The tree is lucky," Kagome whispered into his neck.

Miroku smiled, hand on her breast.

"We are a pair, aren't we Miroku?" Kagome said.

"That is the problem. I fight my death, you fight your purpose," Miroku said. He pulled her into his arms. "I talk about living, but it is a dream, a fantasy, You must accept it. You must accept I will die. You must accept that you have to betray the people you claim to love." Miroku sat up, looking Kagome in the eye. "You cannot let him have the jewel Kagome."

"I know Miroku. I know. I can't help how I feel about you," Kagome said. "Let's head back to camp."

"No, Kagome, listen to me. Time is short," Miroku said, gripping Kagome's arm. "You must accept I am dying."

"It's too soon," Kagome said, logically. "You have months until your birthday."

"I know. I can't help it," Miroku said angrily.

"Okay," Kagome said softly. "Tell me what you must."

"Inuyasha is going to kill you," Miroku said. "Sango told me. He will take the jewel from you and wish Kikyo back alive. This cannot happen, do you hear me. You have to swallow the jewel; you have to become one with it again."

"I can't purify it while Kikyo still walks," Kagome said softly. "I can't kill her."

"I will help you," Miroku promised. "But please, be strong. You must betray him. Go home broken, but go home."

Kagome nodded. "I will."

Miroku seemed to lighten at that. "You have to live. I will come to you, in another form is I must. But do not wish me back from the dead."

Kagome sighed. "I think I love you."

"I think it is too late for truths like that," Miroku said.

xxx

Sango followed Kagome down to the edge of the water, where Kagome let her clothing fall in a heap upon the ground. Sango undressed in the shadow of a willow tree, folding her clothing with shaking hands. Kagome, who had come to expect the silence growing between Sango and her, was surprised when Sango spoke first. "I want to understand, I want my, I want Miroku back."

"I will tell you the how. But I can't make him do anything." Kagome smiled. "I won't give him up."

Sango nodded. "I want to understand, no matter what happens."

"Do you remember the village by the sea? The one Shippo thought was built from shells." Kagome grinned at the memory. "He was so happy, Shippo was. He thought we had found an enchanted village, that the girls would grow fins the moment the sea touched their legs."

Sango shook her head. "Shippo told me about it."

"You were welcoming the dead back into your village. There was a festival. Inuyasha fled into the forest, seeking Kikyo. I got drunk, as did Miroku. Shippo slept in the room Miroku tricked the headman into giving us." Kagome stepped into the water, letting it slide up to her hips, swallowing her chest. She pulled her shampoo close. Sango made an impatient noise in the back of her throat.

"I was tipsy and looking for my backpack. I looked around outside and there were these women beside Miroku. They were screaming at him, demanding he honor the seed planted in their sister. I came up beside him, certain I could help. They asked if I was another whore. It's was the skirt I think. I told them to mind their fucking mouths. Miroku asked about their sister, Anya. Perhaps he hoped to stall them. The two eldest just laughed. The youngest burst into tears." Kagome paused when Sango looked confused. "He got their sister pregnant."

Sango let out a knotted breath. "Pregnant?"

"It was before he met you. The child is two years, if it survives the winter. They came to demand he see his son and pay for the child. They had locked the boy away at a shrine, with beads around his hand. They told Miroku to claim and name him. I laughed. The way they said it, it made me want to laugh. Miroku seemed upset, he was drunk enough to let his mask down. He wanted to cry, I could feel it. Something about his face made me think he was ashamed of himself. "Call the boy Narako." He said it in such a mean way the women tensed. He told them to name the child Kazeko, child of the wind, or child of Naraku, or child of death. He did not care. He would not live long enough to do the child any good.

Miroku gave them the name of the shrine where Mushin dwells and told them to seek the monk as soon as possible. He gave them a pouch of money and left."

"He always wanted a son," Sango whispered. "Did he even see the boy? What about the girl, Miroku can't just leave her; he should marry her like—"

Kagome shook her head. "You can't marry the dead."

"She's dead? The baby…" Sango went white with horror.

"I did not find this out until he returned from his _exile_ that Anya was dead. The wind tunnel sucked her inside out, along with a midwife. I do not know if he saw the boy."

Sango looked away from Kagome, silent.

Kagome nodded. "There is more. We became lovers when he returned from exile. Inuyasha had had called me a weakling and a whore and then run off to be with Kikyo. I sat beside the well and cried. I kept thinking, "Inuyasha was right, I am useless."

Miroku found me lying in the grass weeping like a child. I told him what Inuyasha said, about the truth, my fears. He said no beautiful woman is useless. She can have many purposes, even as simple as warming a bed. I began to laugh. I felt better, because he was right. I was a body. I was used by the world, fucked by fate.

We talked. I asked him where he had been. He would not say. He told me I was talking to a dead man. I thought he had done something stupid again, another woman knocked up, another father out to kill the perverted monk. He said, and he spoke so softly, that his curse was like my well. It will take him away one day, it would strain against his powers, until his bones and skin broke apart, his veins frayed. Then he would die.

He kissed me. I let him. He told me flesh kept him sane. He wanted to feel alive, even if he was rotting from the inside out."

"You slept with him because of that line?" Sango seemed angry, not with Kagome, but at Miroku. "He lied to you Kagome. He has years left, six at least. He tricked you. You are too naïve sometimes." Sango looked ready to forgive her. "Just, stop, and we can forget it happened."

Kagome looked at her hands. "You don't know he's dying."

"We have time."

"No Sango, _you_ have time. You can walk away from this fight with your freedom. You can get on a ship and go to China, fight in one of their wars, make a great name for yourself. But Miroku, his father was 25 when he died."

Sango shook her head. "Miroku isn't old. He is 18. Like me."

"He isn't a child Sango, he's 24. He lies about everything else, why not lie about his age?" Kagome rose from the water, reaching for her shampoo.

"I'm to be his wife." Sango gripped Kagome's wrist. "Where is your promise of a home and children?"

"I'm sorry. I am not going to play the other woman. I am his lover." Kagome pulled her hand away. "I am not some stupid little village girl in love with the idea of him. I know who he is and who he pretends to be. I do not care about marriage or children. I have years. He does not. His son haunts his eyes. I take the ghosts away."

"He's not old. We still have a chance." Sango looked close to tears or violence.

"You always tell me Inuyasha loves me despite Kikyo. You might be right. Miroku loves you Sango, despite me. Miroku did not promise me anything."

Kagome began to lather her hair. She rinsed it. She got out of the spring, wrapping a towel around her middle. As she dried herself off, she watched Sango. Sango sat among the suds and did not move. Pulling on her under things Kagome tried to wake Sango up. "I'm taking my bathing supplies. Do you need anything before I go?"

"Leave me alone." Sango submerged herself in the water so only her crown showed. Kagome gathered up her belongings, finished dressing in the cold, and walked into the darkness of the forest towards the small speck of firelight through the trees.

That night Miroku fucked her against a tree. It was the last time.

Sometime after Sango returned and sulked beneath a tree and fell asleep Kagome watched Miroku walk out into the forest and never return. While the world was, still dim Kagome carried Miroku's staff and belongings through the well and left them under her bed, hidden behind boxes of pictures and old stuffed animals. She could still feel his warmth in the staff. The bells jangled like his laugh.

She wondered if he even existed anymore.

Xx

Kagome had gone out to look for him. She hoped she might find his body empty, the orb of his soul, his ghost. She knew there would be nothing but she hoped there would be some sign Miroku had existed.

What she found was a perfect bowl in the ground in the spot where they first made love. She lay down within the bowl, trying to understand. She lay like a lump that for hours. She had memorized this place in her mind, the river that curled like a snake, trees stripped of their leaves. Now she saw him being torn apart, ripped into shreds.

When she sun was hot upon her neck she rose from his grave and walked back to the village. She returned to the Bone Eater's Well and sat down, using the side as a support.

For two days, she waited for the sun to dry her out. Shippo had come to her, curled up in her lap and cried. He begged her to return to the Village. He brought her food and water, which she ate with hard eyes. She did not talk. She sat in perfect meditation. She had no thoughts. When she had to use the bathroom, she stood and walked behind the God Tree. When she was tired, she laid her head back and slept.

On the third day of silence, Sango sat beside her. Shippo, who had been sleeping in Kagome's lap, stirred.

"Tell me what is bothering you?" Sango was serious. "We're worried."

Kagome tilted her head back, so it hit the hard wood of the well. "He told me and I didn't listen."

Sango nodded, though she did not understand. "I want to know, what it was like."

"Don't ask me to make it okay. It's not okay." Kagome wanted to cry. She held herself together.

Sango left three hours later when Inuyasha came upon them. Shippo had fallen into a dark sleep. Kagome looked up for the first time in days, and greeted Inuyasha with a solemn hello.

"We have to find the shards." Inuyasha said.

"That is fine." Kagome stood. She shook Shippo awake, picked up her backpack, and headed towards the village. "Let me bathe and we can go."

Inuyasha shocked that Kagome had been so civil, nodded and followed. Kagome did not talk to him or ask him how he spent his days. Shippo followed Kagome, silent as well. Something about Kagome demanded introspection.

There was dignity in dying alone. Without Miroku, she would always be alone.


End file.

Inuyasha, Yu Yu Hakusho, Romance, Supernatural