Harry Potter 1. The Beginning

_Hmm. Let's set this one in, say, 4th year? Yes.. I think we shall. This story doesn't follow the EXACT plotline, but makes a few references to things that happened in that book._

Draco Malfoy was not in a good mood, and the occupants of the Slytherin dorm knew it all too well. Pansy Parkinson have to dive out of the way as a random picture flew off the wall and slammed into the fireplace. Blaise Zabini was hiding under an upside-down arm chair. He narrowly missed being hit by a huge snake decorated vase.

Meanwhile, hidden behind some curtains, Crabbe grunted to Goyle, "What the heck's up with him?"

"Potter being named one of the school champions," guessed Goyle. He guessed a bit loudly, and with an angry sneer, Draco set the drapes on fire.

"Good guess," Crabbe said as they dived out of their hiding place. Goyle smiled stupidly, but the smile was wiped from his face when Draco whirled around and sent a curse his way.

"Always Potter!" Draco said loudly, as though the cowering people before him were actually there to hear a speech. "Now, I don't know about you people," he continued. The mood shift was instantaneous. Draco sat down on an armchair and gave a little sigh, "But I am sick and tired of having to listen about what he does right and how he's so good at Quidditch and this and that."

A few people managed a tentative nod. Draco smiled happily. "Good to see I'm not alone in this."

Many of his fellow Slytherins feared this was the calm before the storm. However, this time, they were wrong.

"Well, I asked myself," Draco said, starting his speech proper, "Why does Harry continue to get the respect and attention from all of his teachers – save for Snape, he knows what he's doing – no matter what I try to do to get him in trouble. I thought long and hard."

The other Slytherins cautiously came out of their hiding places, feeling that Draco's temper might have passed now.

"But finally, I came up with a plan. A diabolical, deadly plan," Draco nodded, feeling pleased with himself. The other Slytherins were quick to nod their approval; though they had no clue what Draco had came up with, it had to be better then ducking and diving for their lives.

"So, erm," Goyle finally offered, as the silence grew longer, "Your plan?"

Draco paused from his self-satisfied nodding and smile widely, and to be honest, quiet creepily.

"We shall simply use an age potion to make him think he is ten again, and never heard about this place," Draco said excitedly, "Think about it! An age reductor potion will be the perfect answer." He didn't notice that several of the Slytherins were looking rather amused.

"How will you do it?" Pansy asked.

"I shall make it myself!" Draco declared. At this, a few people couldn't help but chuckle. "You think I can't? Well, be careful… because maybe Potter won't be my only target!"

They shut up pretty quickly after that. The age reductor potion was a complicated one, but it very efficiently made someone believe they were so many years younger – it depended on the number of unicorn tail hairs – unless they were presented with an antidote potion, which took quite a long time to make.

"Now, I demand total silence for the rest of the evening," Draco finished with a flourish, "I must get to work! Harry will not know what hit him tomorrow." He cackled gleefully.

Draco worked hard into the night; in fact, he didn't even sleep. His efforts paid off, however, in the form of the dark pink potion that bubbled on the fireplace. He carefully filled a vial with it, and put the rest in a large container labeled, 'back-up'.

"Ok," he said as he walked to breakfast with Crabbe and Goyle, "This is what we'll do. We MUST make sure Potter gets this drink, and without ANYONE being able to connect it to me, even if someone else snitches on me." He grinned.

"What will we do?" asked Crabbe, confused.

"Well," Draco began, checking to make sure no one was looking, "First.."

Five minutes later, the three of them walked into the Great Hall. Everyone was already there, eating and talking; no one paid any attention to them.

With a meaningful look at Crabbe, Draco gave a slight nod. Crabbe smiled dumbly, and, as carefully as was possible for him, prodded a few fireworks to start flying around.

The confusion was instant. Sparks and flashes of light blinded everyone temporarily, and many began getting up. In the confusion, Draco slipped over to Harry's seat, and poured the potion in the pumpkin juice he was drinking. Then, ever-so-quickly, he cast a binding spell to the cup, assuring that Harry would choose that one, and not even think about it.

There! All managed. Draco slipped back into his seat just as Dumbledore cleared up the mess. Everyone sat down, excitedly chattering. Goyle and Crabbe looked at Draco, who nodded.

All three of them turned to glance at Harry, who was taking a sip of his pumpkin juice. Now.. it would only take a moment…

"Everyone," Albus Dumbledore's voice came forth, and everyone was silent. "While I regret to inform you all that I don't know who among us played that lovely trick, I'm sure…" He trailed off delicately, looking around. He seemed to pause at Harry and then at Draco, "..that the person who was responsible will be found out." His eyes twinkled, and he sat back down, rather expectantly.

He didn't need to wait long. Quite suddenly, there was a small pop and a loud cry. People stood up once again and looked around to see what had happened.

"Unless I am much mistaken…" Dumbledore said serenely, "Which I doubt I am… Miss Granger, where is your friend Mr. Potter?"

Hermione Granger blushed at being addressed in front of the whole school, but that was nothing compared to how she looked when she saw Harry next to her – a tiny little baby in a pile of Hogwarts clothing. Her eyes opened wide, and she let out a shout.

"Now, now, bring him here," Dumbledore looked highly amused. "Unless, once again, I am much mistaken… Well, let's have a lesson during breakfast, shall we? I promise it will be quick and painless. You may continue to eat, just do be silent."

No one ate anything though; they were all amazed and shocked to see the little baby Hermione brought to Dumbledore.

"Yes, yes," he continued, "What we have here is a failed attempt at the Age Reductor Potion. Can anyone tell me what that potion does?"

Many of the older students could, and Dumbledore chose Fred Weasley.

"It basically puts the person in a mentality of a few years younger, well, depending on how you make it. The person loses all memories of being older, although they can," He smirked, "Be brought back with an antidote."

"Very good," Dumbledore nodded. "Now, I assume you will all learn this potion in your upper years, so we will skip the demonstration on how to make them…" He chuckled a little. "But I wonder. Who, now knowing what Harry has been made to drink, can explain why he looks like this?"

This time, as many expected, very few hands went into the air. Hermione Granger was, of course, one of them. Draco sneered.

"Go ahead, Miss Granger," Dumbledore said.

"Well," replied Hermione, "Several of the ingredients in a potion like that are quite delicate, and the potion is made to be taken by itself; this is to prevent things like this happening. Putting the potion in the pumpkin juice must have altered the effect of the angelroot, causing a change in appearance as well as mentality."

Dumbledore smiled, and said, "Very good. Now, this mistake is not irreversible, is it?" No one answered, and he continued, "Well, of course not. Very few things are irreversible. Can anyone tell me what will happen to ten month old Harry here?"

This time, Hermione's hand was the only one in the air. Draco wished Dumbledore would quit glancing his way.

"Sir, I would think that the antidote would restore him to normal mentality, but as for his body, he will take about a week to 'grow up' again."

"Right you are," Dumbledore agreed. "So I asked myself, what is the best way to have this happen? And I answered myself, of course, as one should. Harry, trapped in an infants body with all his knowledge? That would be a rather painful ordeal, considering he's not the one who asked for this."

Draco began to grow a bit nervous, for Dumbledore now fixed his gentle yet piercing stare on him.

"Instead, the student responsible for this potion shall have the honor of being with Harry this week while he grows up once again. This student will enjoy changing his diapers, helping him walk, and so on. Oh, I daresay it'll be easier on Harry the second time around, but rapid growing up isn't always that fun."

'How could he tell it was me?' Draco thought to himself, 'He doesn't know, he's just trying to see how I act.' Draco managed a little laugh.

"That student will be, of course, Mr. Malfoy himself," Dumbledore finished.

Everyone started laughing. Even the Slytherins couldn't help themselves; Draco, take care of Harry Potter? It just was too much!

"Sir, I'd do it being his friend and all," Hermione offered, as did Ginny and several other girls, a few blushing at the thought of taking care of baby Harry.

"While your offers are admirable," Dumbledore said, while Draco turned an angry sort of gray, "I think Mr. Malfoy shall benefit the most from this arrangement. Now! Hurry up off to class everyone. Mr. Malfoy, stay behind."

Glaring now at everyone, Draco stormed up to the front. "Sir, how can you assume it was me?"

"I'm afraid that I must admit I overheard your plans with your friends earlier this morning. Eavesdropping is rather rude, so I apologize."

Draco couldn't believe this. He looked at Harry, who was wrapped up in a blanket Dumbledore had conjured up. Baby Harry had gone to sleep, and Draco couldn't help but thinking how adorable babies were.

"Now," said Dumbledore, straightening up, "Harry shall accompany you to all your classes, and you must take care of him. Madam Promfrey will be happy to explain any questions you might have about babycare, as will she supply you with your very own diaper bag. Any questions?"

"No sir," Draco muttered. How could his plan have gone this wrong?


	2. Age, Ten Months

_enjoy the second chapter _

It was quite a sight that morning; Draco, books in one bag, and a diaper bag strapped across his back with little Harry in his arms.

"You always manage to be one up, Potter!" Draco said, exasperated. The little boy began to cry, feeling unloved. "Ah! Geez! Damn!" Draco cried out, while people around him snickered a little. He shifted Harry to one arm and got out a bottle from the diaper bag.

Harry happily drank from the bottle, and was quiet once more.

"What are you all looking at," Draco said, waving his arm threateningly. Harry saw, and started bawling again, which caused everyone to laugh again. Draco grumbled, and went off to class.

His first class of the day, was Charms. Ignoring the indignant looks on Hermione and Ron's faces, he took his seat, and began trying to calm Harry down before class began proper. Finally, he was able to entice Harry with the bottle of milk once more.

"Alright class, today," Professor Flitwick squeaked as he climbed up onto his pile of books, "We are going to work on summoning charms. Please turn to page thirty-six and we will read out loud for about five minutes, and then practice!"

There was a rustling sound while everyone got ready quickly, and then watched as Draco tried to balance the now-sleeping Harry while opening his book and putting the diaper bag on the floor.

"Go ahead, Miss Granger," Professor Flitwick nodded, and Hermione read out loud.

"Good Harry," Draco whispered, feeling so stupid, "Stay asleep, please, stay asleep." Dumbledore had told him that Harry would probably age about a year a night, so at this rate, he was stuck with him for today (Monday) until next Friday! He sighed.

"Mr. Malfoy, please continue," Professor Flitwick said, and Draco sullenly read out loud, thinking to himself that he really ought to be excused from his classes for stuff like this.

Finally, though, the class went into practical application time, and everyone got out their wands. Professor Flitwick demonstrated the incantation, summoning a book off his desk and it landed neatly in his hands.

Less then a minute later, all sorts of objects of all sizes were flying through the air, including Professor Flitwick himself. Draco made sure Harry was safely sleeping on a blanket before trying to summon things himself.

"Accio," he commanded half-heartedly, and a small book came hurtling towards him. He ducked, and it landed right next to Harry, who awoke and immediately started crying. "Shit," he muttered under his breath, running over to Harry. "Shhh, shh, it's ok," he said, feeling extremely stupid.

It was so loud in the classroom no one really noticed Draco trying to calm Harry, so he relaxed a little bit. "Come on, Harry, it's ok," Draco said softly. Hiccupping, and looking adorable like all little babies do, Harry turned his watery eyes on Draco.

And kicked him as hard as his little baby feet could, right in the crotch.

"OH!" Draco gasped, who had not expected that, and glared. "Harry! No!"

Instead of crying this time, though, Harry clapped his hands together and laughed. So did the people nearest to Draco, who could see what just happened.

"It's not that funny," Draco glared. Little Harry continued to clap and giggle.

"That's Harry through and through," Ron said to Hermione in the background. Both of them were highly amused.

On the other side of the room, Neville Longbottom was still trying valiantly to get his summoning charm to work. "Accio, accio, accio!" He shouted, waving his wand wildly.

Draco ducked just in time to avoid getting hit by Harry, who was flying towards a very surprised Neville. Harry landed on top of Neville, and began giggling again. Many of the people in the class laughed and clapped, thoroughly amused. Even Professor Flitwick couldn't help but to smile.

"Come on now," Draco muttered, going over to Harry and picking him up from Neville's face.

Neville winced and said softly, "I think he needs a diaper change!"

Everyone laughed even more.

Professor Flitwick excused Draco to the hallway, where he got out the necessary supplies from his diaper bag.

He didn't know how good he had it from Muggle women.

Out of the rather small bag came a collapsible changing table, a box of wipes, a set of new diapers, and baby powder.

"Ok. Let's see." Draco grimaced as the smell finally reached him. "Man! You little bugger," he muttered, setting the now-silent Harry on the table. Harry looked around, confused as to what was happening.

Draco looked at all of the stuff, and finally got out a diaper and a wipe. He slowly – very slowly – took off Harry's diaper without looking, and threw it into a diaper clean up bag. He glanced once, as quickly as he could, to make sure Harry wasn't crawling off the table, and took the wipe.

"If I had known this.." he said to himself, closing his eyes tightly, and quickly running the wipe once against Harry's backside. Dropping it like it was about to explode into the clean up bag, Draco got out the new diaper.

BRING.

The bell rang, and everyone came pouring out into the hallways. Draco blanched, and tried to put the diaper on Harry as quick as he could, but still everyone pointed and laughed. Now faced with the decision of actually looking at what he was doing, or seeing everyone laughing, Draco turned towards Harry, and very quickly threw the diaper on, securing the sides and putting everything away.

"Woo! Draco's gonna make a great wife someday!" someone catcalled, and a few more people laughed.

Crabbe and Goyle awkwardly came towards Draco. "Erm.." Goyle offered, "Do you.. need.. erm, help?"

Draco scowled. "So nice of you to ask, now that I'm done," but then remembered the clean up bag. "Oh right!" He thrust the smelly bag in Goyle's face. "Throw this out."

With that said, Draco grabbed his trusty diaper bag and book bag and made his way through the crowd.

When he got to the next hallway, Hermione and Ron were there.

"Forget something?" Ron smirked.

Draco rolled his eyes, and unconsciously checked his arms. Where was Harry! "Damn you!" Draco growled as he tore back through the crowd to pick up the giggling Harry.

"Do you cook thisth well, too?" a little 2nd year lisped, and that was it for Draco. A little second year making fun of him?

"You'll regret that remark," He said as coldly as he could, but the moment was ruined by Harry starting to sniffle again. "Aw, man, come on Harry, I don't mean you, you're fine."

And talking soothingly and frantically to Harry, Draco made his way to his next class.

"Today in Transfiguration, we will be continuing with our switching spells," Professor McGonagall began, and Draco put her voice out of his mind. How in the world did he manage to have Harry come out on top once again, came to his mind.

Baby Harry looked up at him and cooed happily. McGonagall glanced back, but said nothing, apparently satisfied as long as Harry wasn't screaming.

"… so, everyone get out your wands and continue – carefully, might I add," she finished up, and everyone got out their wands.

Not anxious to have a repeat of the Charms class, Draco made sure to keep a close eye on Harry.

Unfortunately for him, Harry simply started bawling for no reason. Everyone shut up quickly to look as Draco awkwardly picked up Harry and tried to sooth him.

Well, they were quiet until they all started laughing.

Draco glared and went over to the corner of the classroom, where he sat with Harry on his knee, and tried to comfort him.

After what felt like a VERY long day, Draco returned back to the Slytherin dormitory. Everyone in there tried very hard to ignore him as he had to change Harry's diaper yet again – something he still couldn't do well, as he refused to look.

But after that, Draco sat down by the fire to do some of his homework, and Harry lay in a baby basket next to him, cooing happily until he went to sleep. Draco smiled happily at the sleeping form, and then slapped himself loudly.

'I must be going crazy,' he thought, sighing.

As the night wore on, and he finished up with his homework, he glanced at the clock, and saw it was just after 10.

There was a small 'pop'.

Feeling suddenly apprehensive, Draco glanced into Harry's baby basket. Instead of a small diapered sleeping form, Harry was about to start screaming as he was now too big for the basket.

"Man," Draco said, shaking his head. He looked into the diaper bag, happy to find a new crib and set of clothes. He carefully dressed the now 2-years old Harry, and lugged both baby and crib to his dormitory room.

As he lay down to go to sleep, he sighed to himself, thinking about how much 'fun' it was going to be carting a two year old around to his classes tomorrow. And to think! Defense against the dark arts and potions! His favorite class, but how would Snape act towards a little Harry? Feeling a sudden torn feeling between wanting to make fun of Harry and feeling bad, Draco slapped himself again.

'Now I know I must be going crazy.'


End file.

Harry Potter, Humor