Kuroshitsuji The Talk

The Talk

Finny walked through the back door of the manor, just as the Young Master and Mr. Sebastian constantly reminded him to do so. He had spent most of the day outside; trimming the hedges, watering the pretty flowers, and spraying the weeds with weed killer. He made sure that the lid was on real tight this time so it didn't spill everywhere like last time. His hat, the one Young Master gave him, was hanging by the chin strap around his neck as he wiped the sweat off his brow, walking into the kitchen. Mr. Agni and Prince Soma were visiting, much to Ciel's dismay, and were talking to Bard.

"Yeah she was a beauty, that one." Bard said, holding a cigarrete in his hand. "Took her home one night an' had my way wit' her... Wit' her consent, obviously. I am a nice guy after all." He grinned. Soma leaned back against the counter, waving one of his hands, as if shooing the air.

"Yes, yes. There were many beautiful women in the palace back home, but I couldn't do anything with them. But when I was young, my father told me that once I shared a bed with a woman, I would finally become a man." He crossed his arms, as Agni began frantically poking his shoulder. "What, what is it, Agn-" All three men stared wide-eyed at the doorway where Finny was standing.

"What does that mean?" He asked. "'Sharing a bed with a woman', what does it mean? Does it mean having a sleepover in one bed?" His eyes sparkled at the idea. Forts made of blankets, telling spooky stories deep into the night, and the next morning they could have a big breakfast, with toast, and jam, and tons of great food... Bard cleared his throat.

"I'll tell you some other time, alright, Finny?" He said, scratching the back of his neck. Finny shrugged his shoulders and walked off. He imagined all the things that could happen whenever he shared _his_ bed with a girl.

"Sebastian, I need your help!" Bard cried as he busted Sebastian's door open. The Head Butler sighed.

"What is it _this time_, Bard?" He asked as he pulled on a crisp white glove, clearly annoyed.

"I-it's Finny! He wants to know about... about sex!" Bard answered. Sebastian stared at him with an unamused look.

"And that's my problem _how_?" As Bard explained, Sebastian grabbed the bridge of his nose, sighing. "This is going to be a _long _night."

_Knock, knock, knock. _"Coming!" Finnny called as he walked towards the door. Just as he reached for the door knob, the door swung open, as Sebastian and Bard walked in. Sebastian had on his glasses and held a pointer, while Bard was carrying large posters with strange diagrams and graphics on them. "What's this?" The gardener asked.

"Finny, my _dear_ boy," Sebastian said, forcing a smile on the word dear, "We are going to explain the process of love-making, or sex." Finny's eyes widened as he looked from Sebastian to Bard. Bard was avoiding eye contact and his face was red. Sebastian was not really looking at anything, his eyes half closed and his mouth a straight line.

As Sebastian was telling Finny about the reproductive system and human anatomy, Mey-Rin passed by the door and eavesdropped. "... The male genitalia is made up of-" Before she could hear anything else, Mey-Rin ran off, holding a tissue up to her bloody nose. Finny's cheeks were dusted with pink when he realized all the things he was "missing out on."

"S-so, Mey-Rin has one a' those..?" He asked, pointing to a diagram of the female body. Bard face-palmed himself, thinking that he was stupid for even asking Sebastian for help. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._ Finny covered his face when Sebastian nodded. Tanaka, who somehow appeared in the room, sat in the corner, chuckling.

After a few brutal hours, Sebastian finally announced that the lesson was over. Bard pulled him over to the side.

"When I asked for ya' help, I didn't mean give him a sex-ed lesson!" Bard whisper-shouted.

"You didn't specify how much he wanted to know." Sebastian replied sarcastically, wiping his shoulder as if Bard's hand was covered in dirt. As the two glared each other down, Finny kicked his feet back and forth, thinking.

Finny raised his hand.

"Excuse me, Bard and Mr. Sebastian? How do you both know so much about this stuff?" Sebastian and Bard looked at each other.

"Well, I guess you could say I have some _experience_." Bard said, standing triumphantly and smiling proudly.

"An' what about you, Sesbastian?" Finny asked. Sebastian waved his hand.

"Ahhh, I believe I don't have much experience in that subject." He said, leaning his head to the side and smiling. Bard laughed and walked out of the room with Finny.

Sebastian sighed, picking up the fallen diagrams. He picked up a poster that had a picture of a poorly drawn man and woman lying next to each other. His eyes glowed pink and he smiled devilishly.

"Hmm," He mused. "I guess humans can't tell when they are being lied to, even when it's straight to their face... They obviously don't know that I am simply one hell of a lover."


End file.

Kuroshitsuji, Humor