Naruto 1. Chapter 1

Deidara's sister

Deidara sat in his bead listening to His favorite band "Rise against".

"Deidara its your turn to do the 'effin dishes!" Hidan shouted from downstairs. "ugh" Deidara groaned. As he went downstairs Tobi ran up to him with a stack of mail. " Senpai! There's mail for you!" He said as he shoved an envelope in Deidara's hand. " What the hell, yeah?" He said as Tobi hurriedly ran over towards the others. He looked at the address.

1320 Tokyo, Japan 3442

Akatsuki Base, D.

He did not regonize the address or the name. He opened the letter.

Dear D.,

I hope you got my letter and im sorry I hav'ent wrote even though I promised. I've been using a fake name. I go by, Chiya Hagasaki. I live in Tokyo now and ive been wondering about you and finally decided to write even though im a wanted fugitive.

I know you might be confused about who I am. Don't worry we go way back D. Im coming to visit if you don't mind. I know how to get there because I looked into things. I'll see ya soon.

N.

N? N…? N… Oh! He knew who it was now! "Oh $*%!" ,He said out loud.

Everone turned to stare at him. " something wrong Deidara?", asked Zetsu.

" Oh nothing! Nothing at all! Everythings fan-bloody-tastic, Yeah!"

He ran toward toward his room and shut the door. " Oh crap! Oh crap!"

" why was she coming now? What would he say to her? Oh hi sorry I abandoned you in the middle of a freaki'n war? What would the others think if they found out? Kill her because she knew where there base was? He didn't even know what she'd look like now.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey people its me! OK I had an original for this but I cannot find it! grrr! So I decided to write a new chapter 2 for Deidara's sister. Hope u like it! If I owned naruto that Karin bitch would die. ON WITH THE STORY!_

_Deidara spent the rest of the day cleaning and nervously glancing at the door every few minutes. He did not boast about his art to everyone and didn't even stop to insult Itachi. Itachi,who had found his day strangely peaceful, found himself a little insulted with the lack of "Emo freak "and other various insults ringing in his ears._

_He went to check out the situation. He found Deidara in the kitchen doing the dishes._

"_What are you doing?"Deidara jumped a little._

"_Baka! Don't sneak up on me like that!" Ignoring this,itachi repeated the question._

_Deidara stared at him. "Its my turn to do the dishes today,Teme!"itachi stared at him a while then said, "That was yesterday."Deidara spent a few moments comprehending this. Then he got angry. "When I get a hold of that gray haired Teme…"normally, Deidara wouldn't get tricked so easily. Hidan had taken advantage of his stress. Deidara stalked off,mumbling various revenges under his breath. Why were the dishes such a big deal you ask? Its because of zetsu's eating habits and him failing to clean up after himself. So naturally everybody loathed doing the dishes. Itachi walked off to find more interesting things to do._

_Hidan in the meanwhile, was in the living room playing poker with Pain and Kakuzu._

_So far Kakuzu was winning. Hidan looked at his cards and smirked. "Suck on this!", He yelled as he lay his cards down. Pain groaned and said, "im out"_

"_not so fast hidan",Said Kakuzu. He laid his cards down. Hidan gaped, "WHAT? AGAIN? That cant be, you cheated!"Kakuzu's eyes narrowed._

"_I did not"_

"_Did too!"_

"_Did not!"_

"_!"_

"_SHUT UP!", Pain yelled. He then preceded to knock their heads together._

"_OOOOOWWWWWWW!",Hidan groaned, clutching his head. Kakuzu glared at him._

"_You started it" Hidan whipped his head around._

"_You wanna bet, Mother fucker?"_

"_Bring it, Pansy bitch!"_

_Pain stomped on their heads, picked them up and threw them out a window._

"_what kind of organization am I running?", He sighed a he walked out of the room. _

_LOL. Sort of a crack chapter. Deidara's sister will come I promise you!_

_NEXT TIME:WTF!_


	3. Chapter 3

OK PPL! Deidaras sister is on HIATIUS until further notice while im going to be working on Till death do us part, a Rangiku+Gin Fic. Its gonna be epic, like my longest story ever so make sure u read it and ill get back to deidaras sister soon! GOMENASAI! ARIGATO!


	4. Chapter 4

WTF?

Deidara was rocking in a corner whilst his companians ate dinner, staring at him. Hidan was first to speak.

"whats with him?"

"maybe it's a girl?" Tobi suggested. Pain scoffed,

"As if he could sneak one in here or leave without my knowing!"

Zetsu held out his bowl ,"Seconds ,please" Konan stared at him.

"is food all you ever think about?" Zetsu shifted his eyes to Itachi. "not all the time…" Itachi fought the urge to gag as zetsu stared and blushed at him. Sasori turned back to the subject. " maybe its puberty" He said smirking.

Hidan snorted into his ramen, "Yeeeeaahh! YOU would know, wouldn't you , Sasori DANNA?" Sasori glared at him,

"Says the guy worships a Barbie doll in his bedroom"

"it's worship for Jashin sama!"

"more like sick obsession"

"AT LEAST I DON'T MOLEST MY PUPPETS WHEN I THINK NOBODYS LOOKING!"

Everybody turned to sasori. "Do you?", Pain asked, looking disgusted.

"I most certainly do NOT!" Sasori screamed, blushing furiously.

He raised his arm to smack the fuck out of Hidan when a certain PART of a puppet fell out of his sleeve. Everyone stared at sasori.

Hidan broke the silence,"Who's the one with the sick obsession now?"

Sasori's expression was appropriate to one having been smacked in the face. "SASORI'S A PERV!" Itachi suddenly screamed. It started as snickering. Then chuckles. Then full out In-your-humiliated-face laughter. Sasori ran shamefully into Deidara's and his room.

The laughter eventually died down and everyones attention turned back to Deidara, who looked as if he never heard the conversation. Which was weird. Deidara practically LIVED for Sasori'S humiliation. And the ONE time Sasori was actually humiliated, Deidara was oblivious to the world.

Pain spoke up, " Sooooo…..Puberty?"

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

THE NEXT DAY

Everybody was in the living room watching one of Konan's animes.

Hidan and sasori, dispite their argument yesterday, were clinging to each other crying,"Yuki! How could you go and hook up with your brother like that? You hoe! Dumbass! don't you see Zero falling apart over there?"

"You just left him you fucker!" , Hidan cried.

"H-how c-could y-you? Poor Zero…" Sasori sobbed. Konan sighed and turned off the t.v. Maybe she shouldn't have let the boys watch Vampire Knight. Pain was even tearing up though he tried to cover it up with his machoness. "she just understand the WRONGNESS of incest."He practically sighed," Zero just wasn't good enough for her , that hoe"

The mention of zero only made the men cry harder. Konan sighed again. Definetly shouldn't have. She was about to say something encouraging to the boys when the doorbell rang.(A DOORBELL?) Pain stood to get it when Deidara cried "ILL GET IT!" not five seconds after the bell. They heard the door open and a cheery "HI! Im Nami!" Followed by Deidara's scream of horror, "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" They heard the door slam. Hidan stared. "What. The. Fuck"


	5. Chapter 5

Okay im like SO SOSOSOSOSOOO SORRY! This is like sooo lattee! Im sooooorrrryyyy! Im like saying like a lot. Okay just..read the story.

Deidara opened the door to find a girl about 15 years old, blonde hair, bangs pushed carelessly to one side. Bright blue eyes stared up at him. Her mouth curved into a smile. "Hi! Im Naomi! And-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

SLAM.

Maybe that wasn't the best way to handle the situation but hey its kind of funny.

Deidara let out his hair and shook it in his face then slowly opened the door. Naomi did not look slightly abashed to having the door slammed in her face. She casually stepped inside as if she were coming in to her own house. Deidara kept his face hidden and spoke in a girlish voice.

" Um, little girl I don't think you-" Naomi turned around and punched him in the stomach. "Dei, I know its you dumbass!" Deidara hunched over in pain.

"OWW! DAMN YOU!", he said. She shook her hair out of her face.

"that's what you get baka! Damn, you're a missing nin and you just let a 15 year old girl punch you in the stomach. How in the hell, did you ever get into this place?"

"You'd be surprised at how many idiots are in this organization..", He grumbled. (Hence Hidan and Sasori crying over Vampire Knight upstairs.)

"whatever. Anyway, why the hell are you hiding from me? I told you I was coming didn't I?"

Deidara feigned surprise. "what you sent that letter?"

Naomi scoffed, "oh shut up Dei even you aren't that stupid ,you knew I was coming!"

Hidan came bounding into the room. "Deidara what the Fuck you doing down h-" He froze. Then he grinned. "So that's what you were doing"

(HIDAN YOU PERV!)

"HIDAN, I SWEAR TO JASHIN THAT I WILL SHOVE YOUR SYTHE SO FAR UP YOUR-"

Tobi came down now. He froze. Then ran back upstairs screaming,"TOBI WAS RIGHT! IT'S A GIRL!" Deidara wanted to strangle something. Maybe Hidan. "what the hell are you talking about-" Pain was the third to come downstairs now. "HOLY HELL THERES TWO?",He screamed and ran into the kitchen screaming, "IM SORRY GOD FOR KILLING PEOPLE!JUST TAKE THEM AWAAAYYY!"

**

Sasori came downstairs and saw Naomi. Then he walked into the kitchen. There was some murmuring , then Itachi ran into the room.

Naomi spoke, "hello there-" Itachi pointed at her then backed away slowly shaking his head. He looked a little crazy. He backed away into the kitchen still shaking his head. Then he screamed, "IM NOT EMO LEAVE ME ALONE!" And ran away.(DOULBLE STARE)

They heard Sasori cackling with laughter. Then they heard him choke on his gum. Then Hidan was the one laughing.

Konan came into the room and yelled, "ANOTHER GIRL! THANK GOD!" Naomi shook her head. " what the hell have you gotten yourself into Dei?" Deidara laughed nervously.

"you can tell me about it later ,baka, now show me where im sleeping"

I was listening to Best Friend while writing this chappie. I changed nami's name cuz I like Naomi better. I like her personality XD has anyone noticed kisame hasn't been in any of these chapters? *itachi rocks in emo corner*

What's with you? Hahaha sasori chokes on his gum its as funny as having Havoc choking on his cigarette (you know what im talking about FMA fans ;) ) until next time amigos.


	6. The Past

The Past

Naomi slept on the couch in the living room. The air was musty and icky smelling. Dirty laundry. Ugh. How could her brother live in this hell hole? She sat up straight not wanting to go to sleep yet. "what're you doing here, Naomi? ",She thought to herself.

She knew what she was doing here. For nine years she yearned to be held again. To have her hair slowly stroked by gentle hands. Be told everything was okay when it wasn't. Naomi wanted her big brother.

"Nii-San!" A 7 year old girl with short blond hair tackled her brother while he was making a mud pie. "Naomi-chan! Look what you did!" he gestures to the mud splattered on his shirt and shorts. The girl frowned at her ten year old brother. "You were playing in the mud already and anyway I cant tell the difference" she retorted, sticking her tounge out. "you-", he started reaching for some mud on the ground.

She screamed and giggled as he began chasing her, mud still in hand. " come and get me nii-san!", she giggled as she swiftly climbed a nearby tree. He threw the mud up, aiming for her. She screamed as the mud splattered her and her brother. " Naomi-chan, its raining mud!", He said, twirling around and sticking his tounge out as though hoping to catch a raindrop on it. She laughed and said, "EEEW! don't eat it nii-san!" She jumped down from the tree and began running back to their house. He chased her and tackled her holding her in a strangling hug. She giggled and laughed as he began tickling her. " Ahahahaa-Nii-san! Stooop! Haahaa! I give up, I give up!" He let go of her, laughing.

Suddenly her father came running to them looking hassled and frighted. "Papa! I-" ,She started but the smile faded from her face as her brother began saying," Papa? Whats wrong?"

He didn't say anything as he grabbed their hands and pulled them into the house. Their father quickly locked the doors and disappeared into the other room. Naomi looked at her brother fearfully. Her brother ran into his fathers room.

"papa? Why are you packing? Are we going somewhere? What-"

"Deidara! Shh! We have to get out now, the village is being attacked, go , get your sister-" There was the crashing sound of a window breaking and glass scattering across the floor. "DEIDARA-NII!", She screamed as she heard someone on the balcony porch. Deidara ran into the living room and clamped a hand over Naomi's mouth, barely breathing.

She looked at him with wide eyes. He gave a glance that said "ssh be quiet and we can get away" He slowly released her and put a finger to his lips. She nodded slowly.

They stepped quietly across the floor into their father's room. "Papa", Deidara whispered, looking pointedly at his father. He nodded and slowly opened the bedroom window.

He grabbed a rucksack he had been cramming things into earlier and shifted it on to his shoulders. He mouthed " Go" and pointed to the window. Someone in the other room stepped noisily onto the broken glass. Naomi gasped and whirled around. Deidara grabbed her shoulder and pushed her to the window. He gently pushed her out and she thought she was going to fall, crumpled, onto the ground. Naomi was surprised when strong arms gently caught her. She glanced up, and all fear was washed away. "Himaru-san!"

Her Fathers brother smiled down at her. "How ya been doin' stinker butt?" Himaru gentley let her down just in time to catch Deidara. "Bakadara" Deidara smirked.

"Tememaru" Himaru let him down and gentley punched his shoulder. Naomi glowed with admiration for her Uncle. He's so calm and controlled, very unlike her father. Maybe because he was a jonin rank ninja already. He only turned 22 last month. "Keto?" ,He called up. His brother had been some time."Keto!" His brother fell clumsily from the window and into his brother's arms. "Go", Keto yelled picked up his sister and caried had been running for five minutes when Naomi looked back.A home was burning. "My home", She thought .She tucked her head into Deidara's shoulder and didn't look back the rest of the way.

She guessed they were safe when Deidara suddenly stopped.

She looked up and blinked, her eyes slowly adjusting to the light. It was dawn and Himaru was supporting Keto. Keto looked as though he would be sick. "Were stopping" Himaru announced. Keto kept walking, stumbling dangerously. Naomi relized he was clutching his side. Blood ran down the side of her fathers jeans and through his shirt. "I…can..we can… keep..walk..w-walking.." Keto fell over unconscious.

"PAPA!" Naomi screamed, jumping off her brother's back. She stumbled as the blood flowed back into her legs. "Naomi!", Deidara whispered, glancing frantically around him. "Whats wrong with Papa?", She whispered frantically.

"Stabbed", Said Himaru. He ripped off his jacket and pressed it to Kento's wound. She glanced pleadingly at her brother for answers. Deidara whispered, " The guy in our house-he was a ninja from another village, we don't know which, and when Papa went to grab something, He caught him and the guy had a kunai knife" Naomi's eyes widened. "And-and he.." Deidara glanced at his father , still being tended to by Himaru.

Hey guys, wow this is the longest chapter ive ever written. This is turning a bit angsty aint it? Well, there you have it.

REVIEW please?

-Shadow sama


	7. OMJ!

Naomi woke up suddenly. She heard people bustling about in the other room. "They must be awake now..or ive probably slept until noon.."

She confirmed it was morning when Deidara strolled into the room.

"Hey you're awake! Breakfasts ready, c'mon"

"Hmm", She grunted, still not entirely awake. Deidara rolled his eyes and walked back. She didn't know where anything was so she followed him.

She was so groggy that she didn't even know she was sitting next to somebody at the table until they spoke.

"Eh, Tobi, pass me the salt will you?", Grunted Hidan.

"Strange", She thought, "coulda sworn ive heard that voice before…"

She turned around to look at Hidan. She recognized nothing.

Then she saw his eyes. "Violet eyes…silver hair…but it couldn't be.."

Himaru was still tending to Keto's wounds when a pair of rogue shin obi appeared out of nowhere. "Oi", One of them said. "Yuka, reckon they got anything?" The man named Yuka looked down at them.

Naomi ran behind Himaru. "Eh, look there, Kensei, they got themselves a cute little girl" Naomi stiffened.

The men walked calmly toward them.

Himaru stood up. "You folks need something?"

"Yeah old man, we need that girl you got there. We got no money, see-"

Suddenly the man named Yuka teleported behind Himaru and hit him in the head, Knocking him unconscious. Naomi screamed.

Kensei strode over and pushed Keto with his foot. "What about this one?" Yuka looked over and waved his hand. "Kill him"

"Papa!", Deidara screamed.

"No-Get Off! Noo! Deidara-nii!", Naomi screamed as Yuka grabbed her and attempted to bind her. "Hold still-" She bit his hand.

"Little Bitch!" Yuka smacked her into the ground.

"NAOMI!"

Kensei grabbed Deidara's hands and pushed him on the ground. He had his foot firm on Deidara's back and was pulling his arms from behind. Deidara screamed in pain.

"STOP!", Naomi screamed. "SOMEBODY HELP!"

Yuka pushed her down. "Nobody can help you, little-"

"Oh Yeah?"

Yuka was suddenly punched in the gut, knocking the breath out of him. "Who-" He was punched again.

Naomi looked up and saw the man punching Yuka. He had silver hair and a mask to cover his face. His hair grew in waves that framed his face and grew down to his shoulders. Yuka was now on the ground.

The man stepped on him and yanked his hair back, holding a kunai to his throat. Kensei spoke, "H-hey man, were sorry well go, just please-" He dropped Deidara and held up his hands to prove himself.

Deidara ran to Naomi.

"Go!" , The man roared. The men scrambled into the woods.

The man walked over to them. Naomi looked up at his face.

He had the most beautiful violet eyes she had ever seen.

She stood up and stepped toward him. "Thank you mister"

He glanced at her for a moment then turned around and disappeared into the woods.

She stared intently at Hidan. Hidan turned feeling eyes bore into the back of his head. "You need something?" She continued to stare. "Hello?"

She suddenly grabbed his face and pulled it close to hers. He did indeed have the same eyes. "H-hey!" The other Akatsuki members were starting to stare. He pulled himself out of her grip. "W-whats your deal-?"

"Its You"

Everybody stared. Deidara said," Naomi.."

She turned to him. "How could you not have seen this?" She grabbed Hidan's face again and pointed him towards Deidara.

"Seen What?" Apparently, Deidara did not see the man properly like she had. "Its that same guy from back then, Dumbass!"

Hidan was very confused now. "What are you guy'sh talkin' bout?:, He said with his cheeks smoshed between Naomi's hand.

"That guy who helped us with those ninja guys!"

Deidaras eyes widened. "HIM? Hidan wouldn't do something like-"

"He's got those same exact eyes!"

"That doesn't prove-"

"How many people have Violet eyes?"

"….."

"AND he had silver hair too! It has to be him!"

Hidan,once again, pulled away from Naomi. "What the fuck are you guys on? CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS?"

Konan chewed on her bacon.

Naomi turned to him and said, "Thank you mister"

Hidan's eyes widened. There was only one person who had ever said "Thank You" to him in his whole life.

"You're that little girl! I saved BOTH your asses from those queers in the woods! That was when Iwa was-"

Deidara's eyes widened in surprise.

Pain suddenly stood. "Hidan, Shut up. You two go work this out somewhere else"

Naomi dragged Hidan to the living room.

She suddenly threw her arms around his neck.

Hidan Blushed so furiously that it rivaled Pain's own red hair.

"I've been trying to find you for so long! After I was on my own I tried looking for you but I had never even come close to finding you!"

Hidan blushed until he resembled a tomato.

"H-hey I only saved your ass from some rapists 's all…"

"Yeah! But you were the only other person I could turn to! After my stupid brother went to go play 'Terrorist' and my father died and Uncle Himaru went God-knows-where, I was so bored! I finally tracked down this place to see my brother!"

Hidan suddenly became angry. Why the hell would someone leave a little girl by herself to go bomb some villages? This girl probably went through hell! Hidan hugged Naomi tightly. "I'm sorry I ever left. I should've staid so you wouldn't have had to be alone for so long"

"That's okay..I was fine.."

SPOOF CHAPTER

LAUNDRY DAY

Hidan and Kakuzu waited in line for their turn to dump their laundry.

The organization only had 1 washing machine and they hung their clothes outside usually. Kakuzu held very strongly that they spent too much money on "Laundry" but nobody wanted to walk around in dirty(and many times, bloody) clothes all the time. If they wanted their clothes dried faster they'd have to go to the laundry mat.

Hidan hated laundry day. It took 3 fucking hours to get half the group done. Hidan spent most of the time complaining.

"This is so BORIIINNGG!" Kakuzu grunted in response.

"This is ALL YOUR FAULT, Fucking money grubber"

"If stupidity was a sin I'm sure there would be a spot in Hell reserved with your name on it, IM NOT A MONEY GRUBBER!"

"You're a fucking money grubber, Kakuzu!"

"YOU WANNA GO, BITCH?"

"ANYTIME,FUCK FACE!"

"Will you two SHUT THE FUCK UP!", Pain yelled.

Hidan sulked into silence.

"….fucking money grubber.."

"WHAT WAS THAT?"

ALL DONE! HAHA kakuzu's a money grubber XDD

Ooo lala some Hidan Naomi romance going on….

Sorry if Hidans OOC! I AM DONE! It is 5 in the morning and im going to bed. GOOD NIGHT!


End file.

Naruto, Family, Humor