Inheritance Cycle 1. JAWS

**Truth Or Dare With Eragon REMASTERED V2.**

** Chapter One**

**Disclaimer: Blah Blah Blah...  
><strong>

**This Chapter Is Rated: K+**

Eragon was in a rather sour mood.

He had departed Alagaësia several weeks ago, and his final moments with Arya were still repeating in his head.

He just couldn't forget her.

After they had left each other on that gloomy pebble beach, the ship had sailed far down the Edda river.

They had passed many leagues of seemingly endless plains, and there was nothing remarkable at all about it. There were occasional heard of deer and other grazing animals, but besides that, the land held little life. It seemed to Eragon that Alagaësia had been far more interesting and lively than that empty expanse of land.

After the plains came a strange forest. It was full of mystifying sounds and plants, but all life seemed hidden from them. Occasionally one of the elves would spot a pair of yellow eyes peering at them through the humid fog, but then they would disappear. It was even hard for Saphira to find food among those woods, even with the help of Orik's magic ring.

And after the endless foggy woods came a sea. The river ended near the coast, and split into dozens of smaller streams, each of which dumped into the salty ocean.

The elves managed to pull the boat out of the water, and with the help of Saphira moved it across the shallow streams and into the ocean.

And then they started again. They sailed out into the expanses of the new sea, hoping to find an island, or other outpost before they drifted to far away from Alagaësia. But soon they became hopelessly lost, pulled into the green depths of the foreign ocean, many miles away from any land. What they would find there only the Gods new...

Eragon sighed as he stood upright. He had been leaning against the rail of the ship, and dreaming as his eyes took in the empty sea. He smiled briefly as Saphira swam by, but then he sank back into his depressed thoughts.

_Little one..._ Saphira rumbled, _It is not healthy for you to be feeling like this!_

_I know... It's just that I miss her so much..._

Saphira hummed in response, and then was quite for a while as she tried to think of something to help lift her riders spirit.

_I know you miss Arya, and I understand how you feel... I miss Fírnen just as much you know..._

_Are you sure you know what it feels like?_ Eragon replied, suddenly becoming upset, _I loved Arya for much longer than you have loved Fírnen! And besides, that was a one night stand anyway!_

Saphira grumbled defensively, and swam up next to the boat so she could look her rider in the eye.

_It was not a one night stand! We might have mated, we were really in love!_

_I'm sure you were in love... I just wish I still had Arya... I wish I could have at least kissed her... just once..._

Eragon grew quiet for a while then, and Saphira kept her peace. But it was not long before she was making suggestions again.

_How about you go and make out with another one of the elf women? _She suggested,_ I have a feeling that will make you feel better. How about the one with the blonde hair and the blue eyes? Or maybe the brunette with the nice curves?_

_I DON'T WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH A RANDOM ELF!_ Eragon screamed,_ I WANT ARYA!_

Saphira growled at Eragon in a agitated manner, and splashed water on him with her tail. After that she swam away, and left him alone.

Eragon was quite for a while more, until he heard something. It sounded like music.

It was faint in the beginning, but it steadily got louder. Eragon looked around, and saw that the other elves were hearing it too. He felt his heart beat faster as the music became louder.

_Glaedr!_ Eragon shouted to the old dragon, _Do you hear this music? What is it?_

It took the old dragon some time to respond, but when he did, Eragon could feel the fear emitting from the golden dragons heart of hearts.

_It's the JAWS theme song! Eragon, you must find the source of the music, and stop it! The JAWS theme song attract Nidhwal's like crazy!_

Eragon visibly whitened at the mention of the giant sea serpent dragon related monsters.

He immediately began running around the ship looking for the source of the music. And all the while, the music became louder and louder.

When he finally found the source of the music, he was in disbelief. There, under the deck, were three random minstrels. They were all wearing strange hats, that said _'mariachi'_ on them.

"HEY YOU GUYS!" Eragon shouted, "STOP PLAYING THAT MUSIC YOUR GOING TO GET US ALL KILLED!"

The mariachi band did not seem to understand him, and one of the guitarists said something in a foreign tongue.

"No entiendo su lenguaje extraño, señor, ¿usted habla Espanole?" the guitarist asked.

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR WEIRD LANGUAGE! JUST PLEASE SHUT UP!" Eragon replied.

The mariachi band looked insulted by Eragon's words, and they frowned angrily at him, and began playing faster and louder.

"cómo te atreves a insultar a nuestra cultura española! ir al infierno que el hombre blanco poco!"

Eragon tried to ask the band for forgiveness, but they just became more and more angry. Soon, the music was pounding louder than ever, drowning out all other sounds.

And out in the distance, and giant shape began to appear. A nidhwal broke the surface of the water, blasting a geyser boiling hot steam into the air through it's blowhole. It's depth less black eyes targeted the boat, and it began to swim over, moving faster every moment, closing in fast.

_"ABANDON SHIP!"_ Eragon screamed_, "EVERYBODY RUN!"_

They made it just in time. The Nidhwal slammed into the elf boat, and smashed it to pieces while the elves, and the dragon headed cyborg jumped off. The elves cried in dismay, and Saphira whined as the boat slowly sank, all of the Eldunarí, and dragon eggs on board.

There was no time to save them, as the giant sea monster was searching the ruins for food.

So Saphira picked Eragon out of the water, flying him up high where he was safe from the sea. From up there they watched as the elves were pulled under the water one by one. Soon the entire boat was gone, and only debris remained floating on the surface of the water.

Saphira circled for a time more, until they felt a mind touch theirs. It was Glaedr.

_Eragon did you make it out?_

Eragon was shocked to hear his old master speaking to him. The boat had all but disappeared under the waves, and he presumed that everything on board had perished.

_Master, where are you?_

_I am under the water, along with the rest of the boat. Some of us already floated to the surface, but it will take a while for the rest of us._

_Eldunarí float?_

_As a matter of fact the eggs will also float, but most of them are still trapped on the boat. I will use my energy to pull us up tot he surface, but it will take a long time. It is difficult to find anything when you have no body._

Eragon thought over his masters words, and it soon dawned on him that Saphira would only be able to circle in the air so long before she became exhausted, and had to land again. Glaedr noticed this two, and told them they had to leave.

_Master are you sure?_ Saphira asked.

_I am sure... You can't land near hear with that accursed sea monster around, and you must find some place to land far away from here. We will get the eggs to safety somehow._

So reluctantly Eragon and Sapphira left the wreck of the once proud elven ship.

They flew for what seemed like forever, but eventually Sapphira became tired. Eragon began to feed her with his own strength, but soon he was exhausted too.

Eragon was barley conscious when they hit the salty water, but he was to tired to do anything about it. For what could he do? They had flown for leagues, and leagues, seeing no sign of land anywhere. And so Eragon let the ocean swallow him, losings his breath as the water took it from him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

When Eragon finally opened his eyes, the first thing he noticed was how warm it was. It was warm, and soft, and very comfortable indeed.

_Is this heaven? Have I passed into the void of the dwarf gods?_

_Not quite... A familiar mind said, but you had a rather close brush to going there..._

Eragon wondered who could be talking to him. So he decided to open his eyes and find out.

A mass of curly brown hair entered his view, accompanied by the clicking of six needles all knitting at the same time.

_Well, if Angela is here I must have gone to hell..._

Angela frowned at Eragon, and then squinted her eyes.

"Your not suppose to be hear you know... my prophecy clearly said that you were to leave Alagaësia, _and never return!_"

"And your upset that I have returned?" Eragon asked.

"Well, not upset, not really, it has been rather boring around here without a dragon rider running around and stirring up trouble... and I suppose we will have to cancel the '_no more Eragon in Alagaësia_' party, but bedsides that, I suppose everyone kind of missed you... _kinda..._"

Eragon nodded slowly, only able to take in about half the words the herbalist had said.

"How did I get back here anyway?"

"Well, apparently, you and the other elves went so far west, that you circumnavigated the world, and ended up back on the other side of Alagaësia. You should have seen how upset Arya was when she found you guys washed up on the shore!"

He sluggishly reached out from his mind, and searched for Saphira.

He found her soon enough, but her mind was blocked. He tried to gain entryway, and when he did, he found that her thoughts muddled, and fuzzy.

_Saphira... Whats wrong with you?_

_Ohhhhhhhhohhhhohhhhhh... nothing... little one... _The dragon slurred_, I'm just enjoying someee of this meaad that Nasud...aaa... gavie meee..._

Eragon frowned as he realized that his dragon was drunk. Bad things happened when dragons got drunk.

Saphira sensed these thoughts, and disapproval emanated from her. She was about to say something else, but in her drunken haze, she cut the connection between their minds.

Angela seemed to understand what was transpiring between them, and gave Eragon a knowing look.

"You better get down to that dragon of yours... a drunk dragon in a flammable city always means trouble..." She muttered, "And don't get yourself hurt, drowned, burnt, or do anything else stupid... I've patched you up far to many times now..."

Eragon nodded his head in agreement, and rolled out of the bed. The room titled around him, and he almost fell back down. Eragon frowned as he realized how sick he felt.

_I could do with a good drink right now... Alcohol always solves everything..._

XXXXXXX

_**AN: Hey everyone! How do you do? Do you do do good? Do you you do good?**_

_**Good I hope. **_

_**Anyway, I dedicated to redo my original truth or dare story! It's not an EXACT copy of the first one, But It has been updated so that it makes sense in our post-inheritance world. And also, It just felt like this little subsection of the fanfiction world needed a little cheering up after that terrible ending of book 4. (Review if you are one of the many infected with **_**post-inheritance-depression-syndrome!**_**)  
><strong>_

_**Also, I bet your wondering why I didn't just update the original story.**_

_**Well, that is because, I have plans to make this version much grander and funnier than the original version. And so, instead of getting rid of the original, I wrote up this brand new chapter, and am going to re post all of the original chapters, along with some extra bonus chapters, and some other stuff! I will try to update every five days, so you can expect the next chapter on the 25th. **_

_**So I hope you enjoy, and Don't forget to review!**_

_**'YO DAWG WHAZ FRILL?..." Sorry, I don't speak stupid.** _


	2. Burning The Waiter

**Truth Or Dare With Eragon**

**Chapter one: Burning The Waiter**

**This Chapter Is Rated: T**

Eragon chuckled as he Saphira plunged her head into another barrel of mead. They were drinking it up in a tavern in Ilrea. He was rather disappointed that no one had come to visit him yet, so he decided that he would find comfort in alcohol, and Saphira's company.

"Calm down Saphira! That's your fourth drink this night! your doing to drink Ilirea dry If you keep this up!"

_No I won't... the dark-skinned-two-legged-very-bossy-queen gave me a unlimited supply of mead... and if I run out I will talk to the queen about the definition of the word "unlimited"..._

"Very well Saphira." Eragon sighed, "I just wish I had something to do... It's _sooooo_ boring now that the war is over... it's like no one even needs us any more!"

"Yes..." Arya said appearing in the doorway, "It is very boring..."

Arya, Nasuda, Orik, Murtagh, and Angela filled into the tavern and sat down besides Eragon all looking very depressed.

"What brings you all down to a tavern?" Eragon asked chuckling, "Have we all gotten that desperate?"

They all shot him evil glares that made him want to run away, so he shut up and hid in his shirt. They all stayed like that in a awkward silence until Orik coughed loudly and whispered "Awkward turtle..." Everyone looked at him strangely until he said "What you don't believe in him? Durin will be turning in his grave!"

Angela seemed to be the only one to get the dwarf joke, and she burst into laughter. Eragon heard that laughter and peeped out of his shirt to see the damage. Nasuda and Murtagh were rubbing noses and making out in a corner, while Arya repeatedly thumped her head on the table making a hollow pounding noise. Angela was still laughing hysterically, and Orik was ordering large portions of a mead for all of them.

Eragon lifted his head out of his shirt and walked over to Arya. "Whats wrong Arya svit k-"

"DON"T!" She shouted, "I HATE IT WHEN YOU MAKE ME FELL GUILTY!"

Eragon screamed a childish scream and dove behind Saphira who was gulping down her seventh barrel of mead. Nasuda and Murtagh stopped making out in the corner, Angela stopped giggling, and the lone waiter that was bringing them their mead jumped three feet in the air and spilled alcohol all over himself.

"SHUT UP YOU STUPID ELF!" the waiter shouted, "You made me spill my best brew!"

"DON'T CALL ARYA STUPID!" Eragon yelled now jumping out from hiding, "Arya is a smart, talented, hot, Fírnen riding babe who is queen of the elves, a total badass, really hot, and_ NOT STUPID_!" He pulled out Brisingr, and charged at the man in a drunken fashion.

The waiter sensing his soon to come death started to cry. "Can this day get any worst?"

Just then Eragon tripped over a table and dropped Brisingr on Saphira's tail. Saphira pulled hear head out of her barrel of mead and blasted a twenty foot long wall of fire as she roared in pain. As a result, the alcohol on the waiter ignited, turning him into a human torch.

"I'M ON FIRE!" He shouted.

"Stop drop and role dude..." Murtagh said calmly.

"BUT I'M ON FIRE!"

Murtagh sighed and walked over to him in a very calm fashion. When he got there he watched for a moment, sighed in a depressed way and then shoved the burning waiter to the ground. Next the kicked the man so hard that he rolled all the way into the bar on the other side of the tavern.

Everyone just stared at Murtagh in another awkward silence until Nasuda squealed "Murty that was sooooooooo brave! You can protect me from burning waiters all the time now!"

Arya sighed as they started to make out in the corner again, and started hitting her head on the table with amazing speed. Orik and Angela however got up and walked over to the flaming wreckage of the bar. The waiter groaned, and Orik pulled him out of the bar and onto the floor.

The severely burned waiter gasped, and opened his eyes. "Water..." He croaked "I need water..."

"I will get you some water you poor poor man..." Angela whispered tenderly. She magicked up some water and a cup, pouring it down the mans throat.

"Tell my children that I-"

The man abruptly stopped as an arrow sprouted from his head. Orik and Angela turned around in terror to see Arya putting away her bow.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" Angela shouted, clearly appalled.

"He was going to die anyway... I just took him out of his misery... it's just like that time when I shot that dying falcon... remember Orik?"

"Aye..." Orik said, "I said it before, and now I say it again! Never ask an elf for help! They might think that your better off dead!"

Arya scowled at Orik, and walked away from them to see if the _all powerful dragon rider Eragon shade slayer_ had survived his fall.

Eragon was getting up from his fall, but was shocked to see overturned chairs and tables, a flaming bar, and a burned and severely burned waiter in Angela's arms.

"How long was I out?" Eragon asked, gesturing to the scene before him.

"Only about two minuets... why?" Angela replied, already forgetting about the dead man in her arms.

_"Ohh... no reason..._ I guess were all just destructive and crazy people, so we can't help but kill the waiter, and burn down the bar right?" Eragon replied angrily.

"Let us all go and sit down at the table like civilized people... I for one am ashamed of what I have done here..." Orik said solemnly.

"Not as ashamed as you were that one night when I found you spying on Arya while she took a shower!" Angela said dropping the dead waiter and walking to the table.

"YOU DID WHAT?" Arya shouted.

"WHAT DID IT LOOK LIKE?" Eragon shouted.

"AHHHHHHH!" shouted Orik as both Arya and Eragon tackled him.

"Calm down guys..." Murtagh said suddenly appearing out of nowhere, "Violence solves nothing."

Murtagh grabbed both Arya and Eragon by the back of the shirt and shoved them into chairs next to each other. Arya tried to get back up and stab Orik, but Murtagh had a firm grip. When they were all calmed down, Orik sat back down in his seat and poured everyone some mead from Saphira's stockpile. It was a miracle he was able to take the mead, but it was much easier now that she was passed out on the floor.

"How about we play an old dwarf game that helps break uncomfortable situations?" Orik asked everyone with a stupid grin slapped on his face.

"Sounds good to me" Nasuda said sitting down with Murtagh.

"Very well..." Orik said, " The game is call truth or dare..."

_**AN: Okay, here you go guys! I'm really glad that I got Seven reviews on my last chapter! Keep reading, and keep reviewing my peeps! MERRY BLACK FRIDAY! Next chapter on the 30th!  
><strong>_

**_'Arividerchi I'm gonna leave before this battle even begins!'  
><em>**


	3. Stripping

**Truth Or Dare With Eragon V2**

**Chapter Two: Stripping**

**This chapter is rated: T for mild sexual content**.

"That seems like a great game..." Arya said giving Orik an evil look. Orik felt invisible hands constricting his throat, as he realized he would have to use dare every turn in order to to avoid talking about that _one night..._ He was going to have to add some extra rules to make it easier.

"How do we play?" Eragon asked.

"The rules are quite simple really..." Orik answered, "Someone asks you 'Truth' or 'Dare', and you need to pick one of the two options. For example Arya could dare me to go jump off a cliff, and I would have to do as she said... OR I could remove a piece of clothing, and not jump off a cliff... Understand?"

"What about Truth?" Nasuda asked, shooting a suspicious glare at Angela.

"If you pick truth, the other person would ask you to tell the truth about something... also before we start we must swear in the ancient language that we will tell the truth when asked to... or we can take off our clothing like said before."

"OK" Eragon said cheerily, "lets start!"

"_Ummm_ I have to go do something at my tent first... Just wait a few seconds please..." Arya said, getting up and running out the door.

Angela stared counting down seconds while Murtagh started humming jeopardy music. They went on like that for several minuets, and just when Eragon was sure he would go insane, Arya arrived.

She was wearing new clothes... _lots_ of new clothes. In fact she was wearing 27 shirts, 15 leggings, 22 bras, 7 sets of underclothing, and some mismatched steel armour. Also she was also wearing three giant winter coats. The effect was astounding. Arya looked _HUGE_. All the layers made her about one and a half feet wider on every side, and she could barley fit into the door. Her head was not even visible, but they could all see a small mound of hats where it should have been.

"Arya is that you?" Murtagh asked in shock.

_"mppmpphhhr!"_ Arya screamed from somewhere inside.

"That's cheating you know!" Angela shouted, "You wore extra clothes so you could take them all off and skip your turns!"

_"Ahhhhrgfhmmmm!"_ came a muffled reply.

"_Well..._ lets us begin then... but first lets strip the cheater!"

Everyone yelled in approval and started pulling the clothes off Arya. Orik and Nasuda pulled off several layers off pants, and Eragon had some perverted fantasies while pulling off the bra's. Murtagh watched in silence and disgust as Angela pulled off some underclothing.

When they were all done Arya was gasping for air, and wearing the same clothes that she had been wearing before.

"Thank goodness!" Arya gasped, "I was suffocating in there!"

"You deserved it!" Angela replied, "You were trying to cheat!"

_"WOOOOO! LIVIN' THE DREAM!"_ Eragon shouted as he tore off Arya's shirt. Instead of more clothing underneath however, there was nothing but bare skin, and Arya's lacy bra. Eragon looked her over in shocked silence, but was then blown over by a super powered slap by Arya.

"HOW _DARE_ YOU!" she shouted as she put he shirt back on.

"I DIDN'T KNOW!" Eragon yelled, "I just got carried away... _please don't kill me your highness..."_

"Your going to pay later..." Arya said with an evil grin, "Now lets start playing."

Everyone agreed, and started walking back to the table not giving Eragon a second glance.

Eragon groaned as he stood up, and looked up at the mountain of Arya's clothes. He picked up one of the bra's and held it up in the air just imagining what it would be like. Then he held it up to his nose and inhaled Arya's sent of pine needles. Just smelling it made his heart flutter.

_"Ummmm_ Eragon what are you doing with my bra?" Arya asked.

_"Ohhh nothing..."_ Eragon said, "I just get high off of you."

Then Arya did the thing that no one expected. She blushed. Everyone silently cursed their luck. they all wanted to see Arya kill Eragon... it's what they were all waiting for. When Eragon finally sat down Orik started the game.

"Okay then, Nasuda truth or dare?"

"Dare!" She said said excitedly.

Orik smiled evilly and then stated his dare. "I dare you to kiss... Eragon!"

Nasuda's eyes bulged, and Eragon nearly fell over in his seat. "What! I can't do that!" She yelled.

"It's that or take off some clothing!" Orik stated smugly.

Nasuda shot Orik an evil look and walked over to Eragon. Eragon tried to get up and run away, but she tackled him with impressive speed. After a brief struggle, her lips connected with his, and they were making out on the floor. Murtagh's face turned red, and it looked like his head was about to explode. Arya was also trying to look away, but then she snapped.

_"GET OFF MY MAN!"_ Shouted Arya.

_"GET OFF MY WOMEN!"_ Murtagh shouted.

Both Eragon and Nasuda stopped rolling on the floor and looked up at them sheepishly.

"Sorry _Murty..._" Nasuda said with a giggle, "I guess I just got carried away... your _soooooo_ cute when your jealous!"

"Am I really your man?" Eragon asked Arya excitedly.

"No." Arya said impassively, "I was just trying to get the game going again."

Eragon felt tears in his eyes, and soon he was sobbing. He ran off and dove into the mountain of Arya's clothes. Arya looked guilty for a while, but then looked away to find everyone at the table looking at her.

"He may be a blockhead... But that was kind of mean... even for you..." Angela said in a disproving tone.

"Go say sorry to him!" Nasuda said.

"Never!" Arya said stubbornly.

"Very well then..." Nasuda said evilly, "I didn't want to do this, _but now I think I have to..._ I dare you to kiss Eragon!"

**AN: DUN DUN DUN...**

**OK peeps, I got some news for you! I got bad grades this quarter, and my parents are keeping an annoyingly close watch on my internet habits. I don't want to risk them finding out about my fanfiction account, so my chapter release efforts are being hindered quite a bit. **

**I think I will be able to keep constant updates for this story going, but all my other stories are going to be in for a LONG wait. Very sorry guys!**

**Anyway, make sure you review!**

**'WHAT IF WE'RE ALL PIECES OF A PUZZLE?'  
><strong>


	4. The Kiss

**Truth or dare with Eragon **

**Chapter three: The kiss  
><strong>

**This chapter is rated T for mild sexual content.**

_"What did you say?"_ Arya asked in a deadly tone.

"I dared you to kiss Eragon!" Nasuda said, quite unaware of how close she was to sudden death, "And if you try to hurt me Murty will keep me safe! Right Murtagh?"

"_Ummmmm..._ I think I'm going to sit this one out... _for my own good._.. burning waiters is one thing, but an enraged Arya is something else completely..." Murtagh said sheepishly.

"Murtagh how could you?" Nasuda cried, "I'm going to get killed without your protecting me!"

"I'm sorry Nassy, but if I protect you then we will both be killed..."

"He's right you know!" Arya said gloomily, "But now I must go carry my dare..."

Arya stood up took a long drink from her tankard of mead, and then left table a little too enthusiastically, and dove into the clothing pile after Eragon. Everyone listened and watched intently as moaning and kissing noises came from the pile. Soon it started to rock back and forth until it toppled over and exposed them.

Arya had all her clothing still on, but Eragon had removed his shirt. They both had their eyes closed, and Arya was moaning as Eragon stuck a hand up her shirt, and kissed her. There legs were tangled together, and Arya had her arms around his waist.

_"WOOOOOOO!"_ hooted Murtagh, "Go get a room!"

Eragon opened his eyes after that, and they widened in shock as he saw that he was exposed. He desperately tried to get Arya off of him, But Arya just whimpered and attached herself tighter to his body. Arya finally got off when Eragon whispered in her ear. Her eyes opened with shock like his, and she looked more embarrassed then anyone had ever seen her. Arya quickly looked away, and removed herself from Eragon. Eragon looked at her with concern as she ran into a corner, but decided to put on his shirt first.

When he was done he came back to the table. "Who's turn is it?" he asked quietly.

No one answered, but instead they all burst off into another fit of laughter.

"That was the funniest thing I've ever seen!" Orik said as he wiped tears from his eyes.

"Aye me too!" Murtagh agreed.

"Stop laughing at us!" Eragon said covering his face, "Your making Arya more embarrassed!"

_"THAT'S THE POINT!"_ Giggled Angela, "It's so _funny!_"

Eragon groaned and got up from the table. He walked over to the corner where Arya was hiding.

"What is wrong Arya?" He asked.

"I kissed you Eragon!" Arya sobbed, "I was dared to kiss you, but I ended up doing even more!"

"It's fine Arya..." Eragon whispered, "You could say that it was my fault... Everyone knows that I have a huge crush on you..."

"But it isn't you fault! I love you Eragon, but just minuets ago I said that I didn't!"

Eragon sighed as he tried to work up the courage to ask her something. "How about you dare them to do something even more embarrassing for revenge? I know you love your revenge!"

Arya smiled a ghost of a smile, but then lept up into Eragon's arms so that he could carry her.

"Take me away you handsome elf boy!" She said.

Eragon smiled widely, and carried her back to the table carrying Arya bridal style. When Eragon was done helping Arya sit down he met the shocked stares of everyone else.

"She accepted _YOU_?" Orik said in wonder.

"Yes...yes... she did!" Eragon replied matter of flatly.

"Lets not get carried away boys..." Arya said mischievously, "Orik is just jealous!"

Orik's face grew red, and he quickly looked away, "I'm already married for your information!"

"Now I do believe it is my turn." Arya said looking evilly at Orik, "Truth or Dare Orik?"

"I choose dare!"

Arya smiled knowingly before whispering something in Angela's ear. Angela's face turned red, and she then whispered back into Arya's ear.

"Stop gossiping ladies!" Orik shouted, "I want to here my dare!"

"Your dare is..." Began Arya.

"What is it?"

"I dare Orik to do the Jig for five minuets... ON TOP OF SAPHIRA!"

_"WHAT?"_ shouted both Orik and Eragon.

"I'm afraid of heights or dragons and you know it!" Orik whispered sounding on the verge of tears.

"And why does it have to be Saphira?" Eragon asked, "Why not Fírnen or Thorn?"

"Well, I have a bone to pick with Orik, and Fírnen would would be most upset with me if I made Orik dance on _his_ head, and Murtagh would _TRY_ to kill me if I bullied Thorn again." Arya answered coolly.

"Yeah!" Shouted Murtagh, "Stop picking on Thorn! He may look tough, but he's sensitive!"

_What are all of you talking about?_ Saphira said suddenly awakening.

_Yes what are all of you talking about?_ Fírnen asked apearing in the doorway.

"We are playing a game called truth or dare!" Eragon explained.

_Can we play?_

"Sure you can! but first you must go fetch Thorn, I'm afraid of what will happen to him if we leave him alone... _probably cause another flaming villager riot again..._" Eragon said shuddering at the thought.

_Very well... We will go fetch the red one..._ Fírnen said flying off into the sky.

"Things are always more interesting when dragons are around don't you agree?" Angela crackled.

They all agreed except for Orik who was sweating profusely in his chair, and drinking mead at an alarming rate.

"Orik I suggest you stop drinking..." Nasuda advised, "You don't want to be drunk on top of Saphira do you? her spikes could kill you if you slipped!"

"_Wellas lettts sees nows..._" Orik replied drunkenly, _"I thinks I likes alls ma meeds clooked right! innm faect I thunk t..."_

"He's going to die." Nasuda said sadly, "He's already to drunk."

They all looked at Orik sadly silently agreeing. Orik however did not notice in his drunken state, and he continued to ramble on about dwarven princesses. He stopped however when two dragons crashed into the room through the ceiling.

I_ got the red one! _Fírnen said proudly,_ I found him playing burning villager toss outside the city! I got there just before the angry mob! You should have seen it! He beat the ultimate high score!_

"Thorn what did I tell you about playing with burning villagers!" Murtagh asked angrily.

_not to... _answered Thorn.

"Good..." answered Murtagh, "I know you enjoy burning and killing peasants to vent your anger, but its not a nice thing to do! Did you hear me?"

_Yes I did... but it seems that you broke your own rule, because I see a burnt waiter lying right there!_

"That was Saphira's fault, and I will have you know it was an accident." Murtagh said.

_Enough with the chit chat _Saphira said interrupting the conversation,_ I want to play truth or dare!_

"Very well..." Eragon said, "This is how you play..."

**AN: There you go people! I would write a longer AN, but I have no time right now! **

**please review! **

**_'FIGHT THE POWER MAN!'_  
><strong>


	5. Lady Blah Blah

**Truth or Dare With Eragon**

**Chapter 5 Lady Blah Blah**

**This Chapter is Rated T+ for some inferred provocative imagery.**

By the time Eragon was done explaining the rules to the giant red, blue and green dragons, Orik was hopelessly drunk. He had lost the ability to see strait, and his eyes were crossed.

"Okay Orik your up! go and complete your dare!" Arya said.

"Meble svit-kahona !" Orik slurred, "Red drgon burn lonley mountain! _why_!"

"He needs help boys..." Arya said evilly, "Go and help Orik on top of Saphira!"

_Why is Orik going to be on me? _Saphira asked Arya.

_I dared him to dance the jig on your back for five minutes straight on your back... _Arya explained.

_That sounds good to me, I need a good back massage... I have the worst hangover right now... _Saphira rumbled.

_Good, just try not to kill him ok?_

_Very well point ear._

Eragon and Murtagh grabbed Orik after Saphira agreed. They helped hold him up while Angela got a ladder. Angela leaned it up against Saphira, while Eragon posed to show off his muscles to Arya.

"Help me Eragon!" Murtagh yelled, " This dwarf weighs a ton!"

Eragon sighed, posed one more time, and then lifted Orik onto his back like a sack of bricks. He steadily climbed up the ladder, and then deposited Orik on top.

"Alright Orik you're on top of Saphira now, so go do your thing!" Arya instructed.

"I musts does thems _Jiggles?_" Orik asked leaning on a spike.

"Do the _JIG_ Orik do the _JIG_ it was your dare remember?!" Arya said.

"Imma be needen the _musicals_ to dance..." Orik slurred again.

"Leave the music to me Orik!" shouted Angela, "I'll go call over my sisters band!"

"You have a sister?" Nasuda asked.

"Well of course! have you ever heard of _Lady blah blah_?" Angela asked in return.

"_OMG_ I'M A HUGE FAN OF LADY BLAH BLAH!" Nasuda squealed in a very fan girl way. She tore open her shirt leaving a lady blah blah t-shirt underneath. "BRING ME THE _BLAH BLAH!_"

"Good! I'm going to call her over now! Wait a minuet for me to get her!" Angela called disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

"Well we all know what this means right!?" Murtagh said grinning stupidly, "Jeopardy music!'

"NOOOO not again!" Yelled Eragon, but he was too late. Murtagh started humming the music while Fírnen and Thorn provided deeper bass notes. Eragon screamed as he slowly started to melt. "Stop it I'm allergic to jeopardy music! it's so boring!"

"Stop It you guys you're killing my man!" Yelled Arya. She was about to shoot Murtagh through the head when Angela reappeared with a skimpily clad lady that looked futuristic and strange.

"Hit it lady blah blah!" Nasuda screamed.

Lady blah blah smiled at her and started singing into a small black stick with a ball on the end. Somehow her voice became magically amplified, and soon she was singing her all new smash hit '_Poke her face'_.

While she sang, everyone else gathered in a circle around Arya and started poking her face along with the song. Arya would have stopped them, but she was too busy looking at Orik dancing on top of Saphira. He was doing the worm one minute and then doing the robot next. Soon he was breaking down and doing the entire evolution of dance. Murtagh and Eragon hooted and cheered him on, but all three of the women were shocked silent at his drunken dancing skills. Saphira softly hummed along to the music while enjoying her back massage.

When Lady Blah Blah was finished with her song, Nasuda begged for an encore. "DO IT AGAIN PLEASE!?" she begged.

Lady Blah Blah shook her head at Nasuda, and spontaneously combusted away back to her studio. After this, Nasuda ran into a corner, got a quill and parchment, and started writing hate mail in between sobs.

"Calm down Nasuda..." Murtagh reassured her, " Lady blah blah is a busy person, I'm sure she didn't mean to offend you..."

"But she did offend me" Nasuda sobbed, " AND NOW I WILL GET MY REVENGE!"

"Are you ok?" Murtagh asked.

Nasuda said nothing, instead she marched out the door. Murtagh was just about to start the jeopardy music again when Arya started screaming.

"YOU CAN STOP POKING MY FACE NOW, _THE SONG IS OVER!"_

"Ohh sorry..." Eragon said sounding ashamed, "I'll go help Orik down now..."

Eragon wordlessly put the ladder back on Saphira and let Orik climb back down.

"I thought you were drunk!" Eragon exclaimed, "How did you do that amazing dancing?"

"Us dwarves are very good dancers Eragon! why I'm not even considered an armature yet!" Orik said happily.

"Can you teach me?" Eragon asked with wide eyes, "I need to learn from the master!"

"Very well Eragon perhaps another time, but for now we have a game to play right! Everybody back to the table it's my turn!"

At that moment Nasuda entered the room once more. "Where have you been?" Murtagh asked suspiciously.

"I gave the Varden's men orders to search for lady blah blah! I'm using all of our resources on it SHE SHALL _NOT ESCAPE!_"

"You sound like George Bush!" Angela said, "You won't find my sister here, she lives in another world and time!"

"Ohh..." Nasuda said, "Who is this George bush?"

"Never mind about that, sit down it's time to play!"

Nasuda sighed once more, but then did what Angela said and sat down.

"I do believe it's my turn now." Orik said evilly, "and I know just who to pick!"

"I pick Angela! truth or dare?" Orik asked.

"I suppose I pick truth!" the herbalist crackled.

"Very well! now tell me... have you ever had perverted dreams about Murtagh?" Orik asked.

"Well... No... Kind of... YES!" She coughed out.

Everyone at the table burst out into laughter, and Angela's face turned redder than a tomato.

"It's not my fault!" She yelled over the laughter, "I can't help my dreams!"

At this everyone laughed all the harder. Arya laughed in musical tones, while Orik and the dragons laughed deep booming laughs. Nasuda was wiping tears from her eyes and Murtagh felt awkward.

When everyone was finally calmed down Angela shot Orik a murderous glare, but then turned on Arya.

"Arya truth or dare?" Angela questioned.

"I choose dare!" Arya replied.

Angela's smile widened more and more, and her eyes became colder and colder.

"Can you guess what I'm about to dare you to do Arya?" She asked evilly.

"I have some Ideas, but I'm not telling you..." Arya said suspiciously.

"Well then Arya, I dare you to ACT OUT the perverted dream that I caught you dreaming about last month at the pond!"

Arya's eyes widened in horror, and she looked on the verge of tears. "I would never do something like that in real life! It's to degrading! And Eragon and Murtagh aren't even old enouhg for that yet!" She whined.

"What does this have to do with me?" Murtagh asked suspiciously, "Don't tell me it was a threeso-"

"NOOOO IT WASN"T!" Arya yelled now bursting into tears.

"Arya calm down..." Eragon said soothingly while patting her back gently, "You can just remove your clothes..."

"That sound like a great Idea!" Arya said now happy.

"It sounds good to me!" Murtagh said suggestively flicking up his eyebrows, "That must have been some dream huh! I bet that you wer-"

Murtagh stopped abruptly as Nasuda and Arya slapped him. Two white marks in the shapes of hands were on his cheeks. Murtagh's mouth was open in shock, but he rest of the table was in a fit of laughter.

Arya made use of the distraction to quickly remove her shirt, and throw it on the clothing pile. The second it hit the floor all the men stopped laughing and stared at her hungrily.

Arya blushed profusely and ducked under the table.

"Nice bra Arya!" Murtagh hooted. Everyone laughed again as Nasuda slapped him some more, but soon everyone came back to their senses and waited for Arya to chose her victim.

"Arya it's your turn!" Eragon yelled under the table.

Arya timidly peeked over the edge of the table, but stayed hidden so that her body could not be seen.

"I truth or dare Eragon?" She asked.

"I choose dare!" He replied to her.

"I dare you to be my human shield!" Arya said in a whisper.

Everyone laughed as Arya blushed, and as Eragon moved himself in front of Ayra. Arya sat down in the back of her chair, and Eragon sat in between her legs effectively blocking her from view.

"I believe it's my turn now?" Eragon asked stupidly.

_Yes is is..._Saphira stated.

"Good, in that case I choose Thorn! Truth or dare?"

_Dare I suppose..._ Thorn said timidly.

"I dare Thorn to admit that he loves Saphira!" Eragon said, winking at Saphira.

_BUT I DON'T!_ Thorn thundered.

Saphira looked at Thorn as if she was hurt, and slithered off into a corner hiding her head in shame. Right before she hid her head, she gave Eragon a quick wink letting him know that their plan was working.

"Thorn look at what you've done! you made your _only chance_ at love cry!" Eragon said "Go tell her how you really feel!"

Thorn growled at him, and stomped over to Saphira.

_Saphira I love you..._ Thorn said quickly.

Saphira didn't move, and Fírnen growled at Thorn.

"Thorn you better try harder then that! Hurry up I think Fírnen's about to beat you to it!"

_No I shall not say it again._ Thorn stated stubbornly, _besides I could take down the green runt any day!_

Fírnen growled at Thorn angrily, and they both started circling each other slowly. Thorn however sent them his dare mentally.

_I choose Murtagh as my victim! He will choose dare because he is a fool, and I dare him to kiss the green ones rider!_

Murtagh frowned as he heard the first part, but smiled as he heard the last part, He shrugged his shoulders, and began waltzing away from Nasuda's incoming slaps. "It's the dragons fault, don't blame me!" He said stupidly.

Pretending not to notice Eragons's _Don't you dare look_, Murtagh knocked Eragon off his chair exposing Arya. Eragon hit the floor, and Murtagh slowly started leaning his face over to a stunned Arya.

"_NOOOOOOOOOOO!"_ Yelled Eragon in slow motion.

Murtagh's lips crashed with Arya's, and all hell broke lose. Fírnen and Thorn jumped at each other fighting over Saphira. Eragon tackled Murtagh and punched him in the face fighting for Arya. Nasuda and Arya started a slap fight over their men, and Angela and Orik started throwing things at each other just for fun.

While all the fighting took place Saphira came out of her corner to watch her two possible mates fight it out over her. Thorn was pinning Fírnen to the ground, But Fírnen was attacking with strong slaps of his tail.

Saphira allowed herself a inward smile as she surveyed the fighting.

_I feel so special..._ She thought.

_**AN: After 3 years I'm back. I really don't know what prompted me to start this again, but please forgive my 15 year old me's sense of humor. **_

_**"Like a Phoenix from the ashes BOB has returned!"**_


	6. The Ultimate Showdown

Three hours later the battle still raged on. Eragon and Murtagh were engaged in a sword fight, Arya and Nasuda were slapping each other mercilessly on top of the clothing pile, and Fírnen and Thorn were still locked in battle over Saphira. Angela and Orik had gotten tired of throwing things, so they set up an outpost on the roof and sport casted over the fights.

Many onlookers from the city had heard the fight raging inside the tavern, and now an entire crowd had formed outside peering in from windows and doors. Many of the men stared at Arya's exposed chest with lustful gazes, but most of the people were too afraid of getting killed by her, so they pretended not to care.

"The crowd goes wild as Arya lands another slap on Nasuda!" Orik exclaimed from the sportscasting booth.

"Indeed this has turned out to be a splendid fight!" Angela said in an upbeat tone, "I would have never expected this!"

The crowd gasped and cheered as the dragons, elves, and humans continued to fight. Even the newly crowned king Roran and Queen Katrina were in the crowd.

"Whats this?!" Orik exclaimed, "Fírnen has Thorn trapped in a headlock!"

"And over here!" Angela shouted pointing at Murtagh, "Murtagh is using jeopardy music as a physiological weapon against Eragon! That's foul play! everyone knows that he's allergic to it!"

The crowd booed at Murtagh, and he momentarily stopped to curse them out. That was his fatal mistake. Eragon took advantage of the distraction. He rapidly kicked Murtagh in the head, and then moved his blade down to his neck.

The crowd went silent as Eragon yelled in triumph. "YEAH! WOOOOO! LIVIN THE DREAM!" he shouted. The stunned silence soon turned to awkward silence, and Eragon could feel his ears going red. Even the dragons and women had stopped fighting. The silence remained until Eragon told the crowd to go away.

Eragon looked at the crowd and shouted, "You can leave now! the fights over! Move along!"

The crowd groaned, but slowly filed away leaving them alone in the tavern again. Eragon walked over to Arya, and shouted up to her.

"Arya my dear! You can stop fighting now! I beat up Murtagh! aren't you proud of me?"

"I'm very proud of you Eragon!' Arya shouted as she jumped into his arms.

Nasuda and Murtagh hugged each other and started sobbing for their miserable defeats.

"It's okay guys..." Eragon said trying to be helpful, "It's not like you lost something..."

"I lost something Eragon!" Nasuda sobbed, "I lost my respect and self dignity, and I lost Lady blah blah!"

"It's okay Nasuda..." Angela called while climbing down from her perch, "I can call lady Blah Blah back if you want... Just please stop crying!"

Nasuda instantly perked up after that, but Murtagh kept sobbing.

"Murtagh please stop crying Nasuda said, "You are totally embarrassing me!"

"I'm not crying! these are manly tears of pain!" Murtagh said sounding offended. Nasuda face palmed, and sat down in her seat around the table. Eragon and Arya meanwhile went over to check on the dragons.

Fírnen and Thorn were starting to fight again with another stare down, but Arya stopped them just in time.

"Boys!" Arya called, "Stop fighting this instant! I'm giving you both five seconds to stop!"

Both dragons ignored her, so she started to count.

"One!...Two!... Three!... Four!... Four and a half... _Fiv_-"

Before Arya could continue counting both dragons lowered their heads in shame, and backed away to their riders.

Eragon stood watching with his mouth hanging open in shock. "How did you do that?!" he asked.

"Do what?" Arya asked smiling at him.

"How did you just stop two angry giant dragons from _killing each other_!?" He replied.

'You just need to be more assertive Eragon... they would have killed each other over there, so I told them to stop... _it's very simple_."

Eragon just looked at her in shock for a while, until he closed his mouth and put his hand on his chin in a classic thinking pose. He stood like that for a long time until Arya finally asked him what he was thinking about.

"Eragon what _are _you thinking about?" Arya asked in a annoyed tone.

"I'm thinking..."

"What are you thinking?" Arya demanded.

"I'm thinking that you're going to be an _amazing_ mother." Eragon said looking ashamed.

Arya giggled at him, and hugged him from behind. "I think you would be a great father Eragon... _now all we need are the children..._." She said mischievously.

Eragon smiled and started carrying her away, until he was stopped by Orik.

"Hey Eragon where do you think your going?" The dwarf demanded.

"Well... I... was just..." Eragon stuttered.

"You're not going anywhere Eragon!" Orik shouted, "We still have a game to finish up here, and you are still _waaaay _to young to be carrying a half naked elf women to a bed!"

Eragon and Arya both blushed heavily, and headed back to the the table. When everyone was seated once again the game began.

"Truth or dare Angela?" Murtagh asked mischievously.

'Truth!" Angela said.

Murtagh frowned at her, but delivered his question nonetheless. "How old are you Angela?"

Angela visibly flinched, and she squinted her eyes. "That is nobodies business!" Angelea said as she removed her shoes and socks.

Arya looked at her in shock and wonder. "Why didn't i think of that!" She said.

"You just didn't think like a _crazy person_ does Arya! Just think outside the crate and you will find that there are many solutions to problems like these!" Angela said happily.

"If that's the case..." Arya said, "Then I need you to dare me."

Angela smiled at her, and then said the sacred words. "Arya truth or dare?"

"Truth please!" Arya said winking at her.

"Are you really a self entitled jerk?" Angela asked cheekily.

"_Of course I am!"_ Arya replied in a sarcastic way.

"Then I believe it's my turn..." Arya said.

"That's cheating! Murtagh said. "You let her go free on purpose!"

"It doesn't matter Murtagh" Angela replied coolly, "We broke no rules!'

Murtagh gave Angela an evil glare, but allowed the game to continue. Arya smiled at him smugly, and then looked at Eragon.

"Truth or dare Eragon?" She asked sweetly.

"I choose dare..." He said suspiciously.

Arya smiled at him, and carefully placed a kiss on his cheek. "I dare you to give me your shirt." she said smiling widely.

Eragon frowned at her, but then removed his shirt giving it to her. Arya thanked him quietly and slipped the shirt on to cover her chest.

"That was good thinking Arya!" Angela said giving her a wink, "I wish I had thought of that!"

Arya smiled at her, and nodded her head in thanks.

"I believe it's my turn now..." Eragon said looking at Saphira, "Get ready everyone, this could get messy..."


End file.

Inheritance Cycle, Humor, Romance