Naruto 1. Look, Don't touch

**hmfan24: I have a plot in my pocket.**

**Itachi: What the hell is wrong with you?**

**hmfan: T.T You don't mean that do you?**

**Itachi: duh...**

**hmfan: Anyway, I was watching The Tyra Show. And today they were talking about mail-order wives. And it made me think of how I could make a SasuHina story with it. Since the process is so do-able.**

**Itachi: Damn, you need a life.**

**hmfan: So...not a one-shot? One shots are too long for me. Beware of the drama...  
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**You Break her, you buy Her  
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It was a novel ideal. Brilliant! If he had just the right amount of money. The head of the clan snick- no he laughed out loud, _Money is no object, but it doesn't hurt to make more._ He went through files and files, thanks to his authority, and pulled a handful of folders with the village's bachelors on it. _Fine Shinobi!_ Anyone of them could take away what he considered trash.

He only had a few qualifications: strong, dazzling, smart, honest, young and honorable. His sick grin melted into a straight face, "Hinata!"

His seventeen-year-old daughter ran in, half asleep, in her night gown, "Hai!" She stood up straight and tall, but then glanced over at her father's desk and frowned. He was planning something. And chances are, she won't like it.

"Hinata, you realize your birthday is in, what?" he forgot her birthday. Usual.

She reminded him, "December 27th."

He glared at her, "Yes, coming up. And you still haven't showed yourself as an elite Kunoichi." She frowned deeply, blushing. She'd become a Jounin. A Jounin! And there were talks of her becoming an Elite Jounin. Hiashi stared at the files on the desk, "Tell me daughter, has anyone caught you eye."

_What is he planning?_ The Hyuga kunoichi nodded, "Only training, sir."

The head slammed the file in his hand on the desk, making Hinata flinch, "Cut the crap, Hinata, you know what the hell I'm talking about. Who have you found attractive?" _Not that it matters. In the end, it'll be the boy that can support the Hyuugas the most._

Her head lowered, "Ano," she was about the mumble, but caught herself and spoke up, "Uzumaki Naruto."

Hiashi furrowed his eyebrows, "Is that so, daughter? The Kyuubi?" He scowled, but then thought about it. _He has proven himself, and perhaps a plausible mate for my daughter, but there has to be someone else...better. _He looked at the other six men, "Anyway...as you know there are many young men around your age. There's that Nara kid, your...teammates, and..."

"Father." she interrupted unintentionally, "I'm sorry, father, but may I ask 'Where are you getting at?"

He was slightly appalled, but chose not to show it, "If you want me to get to the point then fine...I will." He moved to the side of his desk, gathering up all the files in one stack, "You are to get married before your eighteenth birthday." Hinata widened her eyes, and was woken of her sleepy stupor, "I have decided to sell you to the man that can make the best offer. By asking you who you like was simply to make this process easier."

She began to feel light-headed, "You'll sell me, father? I'm not property, father! I made the ANBU and I'm on my way to becoming an Elite Jonin." She was mad, but cursing didn't cross her mind. Even that couldn't describe the rage and pain she was feeling, "What if I were to fall in love on my own?"

The fiend belittled her, "I don't give a damn of what you would do. You will do what's right for the clan, and if selling yourself to someone will help is, then it is your burden to do so." He sat back down, "Be in the council room in your best attire by noon. Now, they're just looking today. You won't get married off until a later date." He closed his eyes.

The heiress ran out, back to bed to cry.

* * *

Two men were talking at a ramen shop. If you were to take a closer look, you would see one lone Uchiha and a blonde Uzumaki. The Uzumaki spoke, "And then I got this scroll with writing on it." He revealed it to his friend. 

The Uchiha smirked, "So what, I got one as well." He sat it down, "It's not from the Hokage, so it's unimportant."

Naruto began reading it aloud. Really aloud, "It says, 'Dear Recipient, You have been chosen to-"

Sasuke scoffed, "Don't read it out loud." He picked at his seafood ramen. It was nasty, but he didn't say anything. His old teammate, Sakura, was away for now. And while she's gone, he can enjoy peace by not talking.

Naruto screamed, "Hey, Sasuke!" Sasuke gave him the look that said, 'I'm right here dumbass.', "Hinata's going to be put up to sell as a bride!"

The words rang at the Uchiha's ears. He decided to read his own.

_Dear Recipient,_

_You have been chosen to be a potential husband to the Hyuuga heiress, Hyuuga Hinata. For the sake of the clan, she will be offered at as starting price of 600000 ryo and nothing less. If you're a young man who is looking for a quiet, neat, and weak wife, I suggest you meet my daughter at approximately noon August 9th. Dress nicely.  
_

_ From, Hiashi_

Sasuke was indeed interested, but he refused to show it, "The scroll looked like it was written by a two year old. It's probably not real." _That's Hyuuga Hiashi's handwriting all right. _He rolled it up, putting it near his sword, "I wouldn't patronize it."

The blonde nodded, "You're probable right. I bet it's Konohamaru's team. They like to prank people. The Hyuuga clan wouldn't do anything stupid like that." He laughed. _If Hinata were put up for sell..._ he shook his head, _I like Sakura._

Soon they parted their ways. Sasuke, to the Uchiha complex. He was searching for a nice kimono.

* * *

More than the requested men showed up. Who knew that so many men had private fantasies about the young heiress. They even received visits from thirty year old men, supposed homosexuals, closet perverts, perverts, rich men, poor men, hobos, and a guy that went by the name of 'Keiko'. It'd been a long day. 

Hinata was getting quite bored and resorted to count out how many flaws she saw in the men. Against her nature, of course, she was trying to imagine a crappy life with each one. Alas, she still smiled and flirted with the Hyuuga honor. When the last man showed up, she was getting excited, but more depressed. What if no one even wanted her? She let out a sigh. Then she'd be happy? She didn't want to get married.

Hiashi on the other hand was completely neurotic. (scaring away half of the men) He yelled, "Damn it, does anyone want her?" He paced back and forth, thinking of anything to make his daughter more desirable. It wasn't her that was forcing men out the doors. It seemed his requirements were stricter than predicted. Despite what he thought, he didn't think anyone was good enough for his daughter.

"Too mean."

"Too nice."

"Too aggressive."

"Too shy."

"Are you gay or something?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Pervert."

"Jackass."

Who would want to marry the daughter of _that_?

"I don't care if I'm-..." the Uchiha walked in, meting eyes with the young Hyuuga heiress. He felt heart rise to his cheeks. Blushing was the Uchiha?

* * *

**hmfan: I'm sleepy.**

**Itachi: Is that why you forgot the disclaimer?**

**hmfan: Oh, yes, I don't own any of the characters, and I don't think I own the plot.**

**Itachi: Oh God! Is this going to be another humor fic.**

**hmfan: I don't know. I hope not...I'm really trying, y'all. Work with me. Anyway, Sasuke may seem OOC in parts, but when is he ever not?**

**Itachi: When good authors write with him.**

**hmfan: Anyway... NaruHinaSasu is possible. You like? I've never tried it. Also NaruSasuHina is possible. So is HinaNaruSaku. Hell, NejiSasuHina is possible at this point, but I'm seriously thinking about NaruHinaSasu. So, grade me? (copy and paste)  
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**Story Line:  
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Ending  
Please State Least favorite part:**

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	2. Of Her Cautions

**Itachi: You actually got someone to tolerate you?**

hmfan: Yes, xAmaterasux can tolerate me very much so...I think.

Itachi: Then what happened to Subject 32, wasn't he your beta.

hmfan: I gave him a lot of work...he deserves a break. Amaterasu-chan is my beta for this story. :confetti drops down:

Itachi: Can we get on with the story?

hmfan: I can't wait! This is the most novel idea I've ever had. Oh what fun! Um...I'll pick up from when Sasuke walks in and blushes...

**Chapter 1: Of Her Cautions**

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**Hiashi smirked, raising his voice, "Uchiha Sasuke," this caught Sasuke's attention. His blush vanished, sitting across from Hinata. "Why I remember when you were up to my knee." He chuckled. He'd always admired the boy. Before he mentored Itachi, he'd been rivals with the Uchiha's. But out of the two brothers he liked Sasuke the best.

"I'm here to make a deal." He pulled out several scrolls with the Uchiha crest, "You see, if we build an alliance, Hyuuga's will be come the most powerful village in all of the Shinobi countries. Of course the Uchiha's will be close behind. I plan to use the Hyuuga heiress as a reproducer to help us get to this point."

The Hyuuga head nodded at the now Uchiha head, "You don't believe in polygamy, do you?" Hanabi crossed his mind, but he shook his head. _Hanabi shows too much potential to become an Uchiha._

"No," his eyes wandered to Hinata. Who was sitting there, playing with the bug on the table. His eyes then wandered to her chest. Both eyes caught his stare.

"Ah, fine boy. I see you admire the Hyuuga figure." Hiashi smirked. He stood up, "Hinata, stand up." She obeyed, confused. Out of all the interviewees her father had never been this excited, "My daughter seems to have long hair. Nice size...you know. Small waist. Wide hips. Very curvy, but I'm sure you like that type of thing. You're at the age where hormones play a factor."

Sasuke inhaled through his nose for a brief second, he contemplated how to treat his...current condition, "Physique is nice, but it plays very little in my plans for her. She seems to be an acceptable breeder." He nodded _If my research is correct the Sharingan should be dominant...possibly more powerful than Mangekyou..._

Hiashi's eye brows furrowed, "Hinata, sit down." She obeyed, as always. He stared at Sasuke with a blank face, "Sasuke-chan, what plans do you have for my daughter exactly. Nothing that would be of detriment to the Hyuuga name, I hope."

Hinata tried not to imagine Sasuke with a whip. She tried very hard. She knew Sasuke's character...and it wasn't good.

"Romance will be non-existent in our clan. I have no time for it. Our closest times will be spent reproducing the clan. That is all. In the mean time, she can use her house skills while I'm on missions. She'll be cooking and cleaning while I'm away. Basically I plan for her to be a chef, a maid, and a mother." He said that with no expression.

This time the heiress was imagining Sasuke locking her in a room with a stove and a bed. It was dark. Very dark. Her father opened his mouth but she spoke, "Why not romance?" She tried to look at Sasuke, "You're supposed to love your wife."

"Hinata!" Hiashi yelled, "If it's for the good of both of our clans, then love is unnecessary. Now you should keep your mouth shut." He nodded to Sasuke, stifling his laugh, "Okay, boy, you've made yourself a deal. I think...100,000,000 ryo."

Sasuke scowled, "Che, you better be glad I can afford her. If I hadn't of been able to afford her, I would take her in a less honorable way." He glanced over to Hinata, who was slightly surprised she was worth that much. He smirked at her. She glared at him.

It took her a while to realize the document in front of her was a marriage form. There was something she could say, "You said I wouldn't have to get married today." He ignored her. It was quite obvious what he would say, "Father, he killed his brother, and...and tried to kill Naruto!" Tears in her eyes, she needed to convince him that Sasuke was a bastard.

"Is that so?" Hiashi was silenced.

Sasuke nodded, "Everything I did was for the sake of my clan. My brother slaughtered my clan and Naruto was simply in my way." His eyelids were getting heavy. It was ten o'clock at night after all.

"Hinata, that's enough of your outbursts. Sasuke cares about his clan just as much as you should. Sasuke, tame your wife. Break her of her...her weakness." Hiashi spoke his last word to _Hyuuga_ Hinata.

The Uchiha took Hinata's hand, "Sign it." He put he pen in her hand, "Sign it, or I'll sign it for you. The longer it takes the bigger the consequences." It's not like he would beat her or anything. He wasn't that mean of a person. Was he? He frowned.

She signed it. Pricked her finger and pushed it into the document. Now the blood and tear stained scroll was rolled up and put away. Uchiha Hinata was taken away to an unknown place.

--I'm a divider that divides--

Two weeks. It'd been two weeks and Hinata had only left the room to cook breakfast in the morning, a lunch to go, and a dinner for her husband. It's all she could do at that point. She hadn't seen him since the day she punched him clean across the face. As soon as she got home from the Hyuuga estate she made it clear that she did not desire to be there.

"Hinata, today you will come out and eat." Sasuke knocked on her bedroom door, "You need to shower and do the girl-shit girls do in the bathroom." He waited. A few sobs were heard. He scoffed, "There's some news I need to share with you." He held the gifts Kakashi had suggested he'd give him. It was only logic to do so. You give a girl a gift; they feel better with you, softening.

The former heiress opened the door slowly, but then closed it, then opened it again, stepping out slowly. She had gotten to take care of herself while Sasuke was out on missions. She ran to the dinning room, wishing not to look at her husband. It was when he finally sat at the table with her, did she make eye contact, "Why?"

He expressed no emotional concern, "Let's just say I'm a nice person. I felt it...nice...to share our production with another clan. I'll use the Hyuuga clan right now, before surpassing them with our children as the most powerful clan." He smirked whispering, "Itadakimasu." 

She felt uncomfortable, "I would never raise my children by a father like you. You're worse than mine!" She picked up the rose, whispering back, "Itadakimasu." Her senses inhaled the soothing aroma of the pink rose. It was rare, she'd never received this type.

"I'm giving you two additional weeks to come around." He took a bite of the vegetables, "Tsunade...she says we need to be on the same team from now on." The last sentence was said with a hint of disturbance. He only intended to use her as one thing. A reproducer. Not as a partner. 

Hinata was turning bitter on the inside. But decided to refrain herself from stating anything out of her nature. She didn't know what to comment on first, "Sasuke," she picked at her fish, "please...do you understand what children are? How to make them?" Tears came down, "Do you understand that we would have to make love in order to bring children into this world? Raise them better than we were raised? Teach them better than we were taught?"

He shook his head. He was speechless. In fact, he didn't even want to talk about raising children. What he cared about now, and would care about for a while was power. Power didn't include raising children; it included making them stronger and better than anyone else. Oh, God, he was starting to sound like his father. He got up.

Hinata wiped her eyes, "W-Where are you going?"

"Shower, I'm taking a damn shower!"

---another divder---

Hinata exited from her shower. It was very relaxing, she enjoyed it just as much as the Hot Springs. It was Sasuke who greeted her before she exited out of the bathroom, "Sasuke." She whispered.

He walked closer, his hair covering his eyes, making it impossible to see his true expression. Was he drunk? Sleepwalking? It was unknown at this point. His lips met her's in mere seconds, giving, but not sharing, a passionate kiss that was to lead to no where and everywhere. It was unexpected and uncalled for, but completely okay, right? They _were_ married after all.

Then he exited without a word, closing the door on the way out.

Hinata got dressed and into her bed. _That was scary. What if he tries something else?_ She bit her lip, _He said no romance...and I have two weeks to break this marriage off._

Sasuke on the other hand was sleep at his desk, he had hesitated certain procedures to make the reproduction faster. If Hinata was motivated by romance, then he may _have_ to consider it. The kiss he gave her, was a sign to show that she was his and that was the beginning. He had to be reminded that the reproduction process included two willing participants. Willing, meaning Hinata would have to want children with him. Possibly...he would shiver at the thought. But he had to face it, she would have to love him if they were to have children.

In another library, Hiashi was pondering his plans for the Hyuuga clan. His task to get rid of the weakness was already achieved. She was the only thing in the way. Now, Hanabi was the heir. But that's not all he wanted, he also planned for Sasuke to break her. Break her so that she was nothing. Sasuke...seemed just as good as him, yet better for his daughter. Sasuke was to break her of all her weaknesses. 

------divider----again----

Naruto was in a fit of laughter. Sasuke frowned, "What's so funny about reproduction?" He crossed his arms, leaning on the tree they were training around. 

The Uchiha only knew, _A baby is made when a man and a woman get married._ But there had to be more to it than that, right?

The blond clutched his own stomach. It hurt, "You're freaking eighteen, and you're still a virgin? Man, I'm not even a virgin, but you...you have girls everywhere after you!" He tried to keep a straight face, "Well... in order to make a baby you have to..." So then Naruto explained to Sasuke how babies are made. He's had his share of women. Ino and Sakura is all. But that's all you need to know.

Poor Sasuke wasn't ready for something like that. His eyes widened and he felt nauseous. It was such an...intimate process. The kiss was just the beginning. He sat down, "Is it pleasurable?" Naruto sighed, opening a whole new world.

---yes another divider---

Hinata sat down, she was married. It was the end of everything and the beginning. It wasn't until her husband returned home did she begin to feel uneasy. Without him there, it was quiet. Nice. Serene, "Uchiha-san, what are you doing here so early, I thought you had a mission?"

"No," he sat down on the couch, "I've been training with Naruto." A smirk crossed his lips, "Hinata, come over here and sit. We need to talk."

He was being unusually nice, "I-I'm still doing the dishes." Sasuke glared at her, so she came over to the couch anyway. It was quite for a while. She sat uncomfortably.

"I want to discuss our children." There came a knock at the door. Hinata smiled greatly, seeing it was Sakura and Naruto. She jumped up to answer it.

Sakura knocked, "Sasuke, I'm back from my trip, we're going to get some ramen, you want to come?" Sasuke tried to stop his wife from answering the door, but she got to it before he could.

As soon as she opened the door, she realized how stupid she was for doing it. She sweater nervously, "O-Ohayou, Naruto-kun...and Sakura-chan."

Naruto smiled, "Hey, Hinata, is Sasu...ke...in...Holy shit..." His eyes widened, he stood back. Stumbling, then falling to the ground. _H-How did Hinata move into Sasuke's house?_

Sakura's eyes widened as well, "Hinata, why are you at Sasuke's house?" Her eye twitched. How could he do that? Was he sleeping with her?

They both asked, "Are you sleeping with him?!?"

Hinata blushed, scratching her neck. She shook her head, crying. She looked down at the ground and attempted to run to her room, but Sasuke stood right there, in guard of her fleet, "No, she's not. As heirs of our clans we were having a discussion about products of a partnership." He smirked, looking down, at Hinata's shocked face.

The Uzumaki grinned, "Oh, cool! Cause, I've been meaning to ask Hinata out. You've been gone for a while, Hinata-chan." Naruto reached out for her shoulder, but Sasuke blocked it.

He frowned, "I'm afraid she was absent for a reason." He made something up, "We're going over confidential items that are not to be discussed with intruders."

Sakura frowned for a second, but then glared at Naruto. She pulled him aside as Sasuke shut the door in their faces. "Sasuke obviously doesn't want us here, and has some type of feelings for Hinata."

Naruto thought long and hard. Really long and really hard, "No!" The document. The questions. The meeting, "He wants to have children with Hinata!" His fist bawled up. He seemed...angry.

**hmfan: Should I leave it at that?**

Itachi: I didn't like it.

hmfan: I don't think I did either. Say, Amaterasu, do you have any suggestions, comments?  



End file.

Naruto, Romance