Second Chances

"Rodney, you are amazing! I fucking love you!" John exclaimed immediately upon seeing the man in the gate room when he walked back through the stargate. He walked over to where the scientist was standing, grabbed his head and pulled him into a kiss. Rodney looked surprised to say the least.

"Colonel?" Carter asked, looking just as shocked as McKay as she made her way down the steps toward the pair. She spared a glance at Rodney, who stood spluttering, trying to make sense of what just occurred.

"Colonel Carter, members of the Atlantis expedition," he addressed everyone in the room, "I love this man. You have no idea what I just went through, and this man, right here," He pointed towards a still confused Rodney, "Was the one who just saved my life"

Everyone in the gate room just kept looking at John. Some of his insane gratitude had worn off now, and he began to think through what he had just done. _Maybe that wasn't such a good idea, _he thought to himself.

Colonel Carter finally broke the incredibly awkward silence that had fallen over the room. "Colonel Sheppard, where have you been? You've been gone for twelve days"

For some unknown reason, John looked at his watch, as if that would tell him whether that was true. He glanced back up and looked at Carter, confused. He knew that future Rodney had told him he wasn't sure when he'd be back, but twelve days seemed like a long time. He eventually dared to look at Rodney, who still looked weird, but was giving him a look that he always saves for when he's right.

"I knew it! You were in the future weren't you?" John nodded, "I told you! I said that's what had happened!" He was pointing a finger at Carter by this time, the kiss seemingly forgotten.

"Okay, Rodney, you were right, that's fine. Now colonel, do you feel up to a debriefing?" She asked, turning back to him.

"Not even a little bit. I have so much to tell you, but can I please get some rest first? I have just lived through 800 years, and I would like to recharge before telling anyone about them. Is that okay?"

"Sure colonel. We'll debrief tomorrow at, say, 0830?"

"Done. See you there," Sheppard began to walk away when he swung back round to face Rodney, "Hey, man, can I talk to you for a sec? I think I have some explaining to do" He looked down at his boots sheepishly.

"Sure." Rodney replied, going a little bit red as he followed John from the room.

A few minutes later, they had made their way to John's quarters. John flopped down unceremoniously onto his bed, while Rodney took the sofa across the room.

"So," Rodney shattered the awkward silence, "What the hell was that?"

"Honestly, it's a long story" he said, before launching right into the tale.

He explained to Rodney about going through the gate, and finding that there was no one there, and about it being a million degrees hotter than usual. Then about finding hologram Rodney, and being put in the stasis chamber. Finally, he slowed down a bit to tell him the fates of the other expedition members. It felt weird recounting those stories to Rodney, because just hours ago, he had been told them by the same man who was now looking shocked and exasperated. That seemed to be the theme of the day.

When he told Rodney's tale, he actually cried. Like, real tears. Rodney got up from the sofa and came to sit with John on his messed up, unmade bed. He remembered leaving it unmade when he left it twelve days ago. Or did he leave it 48,000 years ago? Either way, it was the same, and now it held him and his best friend, who was trying to comfort him.

"I feel so stupid," he sighed, "None of it happened, and it never will. I shouldn't be so upset. It's just that, everyone died! Except for you and a couple of others. But you," he looked right into Rodney's eyes, "You gave up your life for me." More tears made their way to the surface and down his cheeks. Rodney used his sleeve to wipe a couple, before realising what he was doing and returning his hand to John's shoulder.

"I mean, who does that? Who is so fucking amazing that they give up the rest of their life to work on something to bring me back? You died for me." John pulled Rodney into a full hug now.

"It wasn't me John, remember that. I would do that for you in a heartbeat, but that wasn't me. I still have the rest of my life left. I haven't lost or given up anything. Everyone is still here. Alive. Even you" Rodney smiled, not sure if the statement he just made was even remotely comforting. He unwrapped himself from John's arms and looked at him.

"I love you, Rodney. It took me 48,000 years to notice, but I do. I don't know in what way, but I love you." He put his hand on the back of Rodney's head then, pulled him close, and kissed him again. It was everything a proper kiss shouldn't be. John's nose was running from crying, and his face was wet from tears. Rodney was completely not expecting it and it took him a while to kiss back. It was so horribly imperfect, a mess even, but it was exactly how it should have been.

When John pulled back from the kiss, Rodney's expression had returned to the one he wore in the gate room: confused, surprised, but this time, he had the faintest trace of a smile on his lips. That was enough for John, who went in for another. _Third time's the charm, _he thought.

John fell asleep not long after, leaving Rodney time to think. He realised he never actually said a word to John about any of the kisses. John had just assumed he liked them, and he felt the same way. He wasn't actually sure how he was feeling. Awesome, sure. He'd just been kissed! Who doesn't feel awesome after that, but he didn't know how he felt about the thing as a whole. He definitely loved John; that was never a secret. They were best friends. He didn't know if he _loved _him yet though. He hadn't really given it much thought until a few hours ago. It's like in school when you have to decide if you like someone, or if you _like _like them.

He had thought about kissing John before. Once. It had just kind of popped into his head. He was working in his quarters, just sitting at his desk. He was kind of distracted, so he didn't really know what to think when the notion just came into his head. He can't even remember what he had initially been thinking about, just that his thoughts turned to kissing Keller, and _the thing that comes after kissing_ and then suddenly, in his head, it wasn't Keller he was locking lips with, it was John. It was a shock, but not a surprise. He definitely found John attractive. He was a good-looking guy. It was weird though, for Rodney, to think of kissing his best friend like that. He kind of reached the conclusion that it would be a bad and awkward kiss if it ever happened, and cast it from his mind.

That was, until earlier, in the gate room. John had kissed him briefly, and it was awesome. He was totally confused about why it had happened and he could only stutter, but it was a great kiss, looking at it objectively. He kind of wanted it to happen again, just to make sure he wasn't imagining things, and his wish was granted. Twice. Those two kisses sealed the deal. He liked John.

But did he _love _him? He supposed he must. Thinking back on it, they've basically been dating for the last four years since they met, just without kissing or sex. He enjoyed being around John, he found his jokes funny, and he would make excuses to hang out, using reasons like a new batch of good grapes had arrived from Earth. They would hang out in each other's quarters in boxers and a t-shirt and it wasn't at all awkward. He had seen John and his worst and his best, and he still wanted to spend more time with him. _Yeah, _he though to himself, a smile spreading across his face, _I'm in love with Colonel John Sheppard. _


End file.
