Harry Potter 1. I Can't Help Myself

Disclaimer: Thanks to JKR for allowing the use of all these brilliant characters!!!

And the song featured here is my parody of "I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie Honey Bunch)" by The Four Tops – Excellent song!

A/N: So there is no confusion…this story is essentially a musical (I use the term loosely) encompassing a series of parodies I have written. This is what happens when I have too much time on my hands!! Enjoy!!

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_We start our tale with the story of how our favourite couple Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy came to be…_

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**I Can't Help Myself**

Lucius watched happily as his wife, Narcissa, put their son Draco to sleep.

"Nostalgic, are we darling?" she asked, coming up to Lucius and resting her head against his shoulder.

"Just thinking of when I told you that love you and how I felt before that day." He mused in a very melodic mood.

**Verse 1**

_Narcissa Black_

_I want to say that I love you_

_I can't help myself_

_I would do anything for you_

**Verse 2**

_When we are alone_

_Or with company_

_I'm always thinking of you_

_And every little thing that you do._

**Verse 3**

_When you flick your wand or call to me_

_I come a running to you_

_Like you use imperius_

_And there is nothing that I can do_

_Can't resist you_

_No I don't ever want to_

**Verse 4**

_Narcissa Black_

_I'm weaker than a man should be_

_I really don't mind_

_As you are of pureblood kind_

**Verse 5**

_Want to tell that I love you_

_Hope that you need me_

_And I have tried_

_Every time I get close to you_

_Evan Rosier is by your side_

**Verse 6**

_But one morning at breakfast_

_You cam up to me_

_My heart beat so fast_

_My courage would not last_

_I stood next to you_

_I said I love you_

**Verse 7**

_And Narcissa Black_

_How you smile up at me_

_You reached up to me_

_And kissed me long and true_

**Verse 8**

_Narcissa Malfoy_

_You are now my bride_

_I will love you_

_Till the day that I die_

**Verse 9**

_Narcissa Malfoy_

_And our son Draco_

_I'm so proud of him_

_I love you both_

"Oh I love you too, darling!" Narcissa exclaimed, kissing Lucius hard on the lips.


	2. Real Love

Disclaimer: Thanks to JKR for allowing the use of all these brilliant characters!!!

And the song featured here is my parody of "Real Love" by The Beatles

Enjoy!

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_Now we venture to, dare we say, the "dark side" of the Black family? That's right! Andromeda! How dare she marry a mudblood! Well…here is her side of the story._

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**Real Love**

"I hate you all!" Andromeda screamed as she ran from the Black Manor.

"Get out you blood traitor, we don't ever want to see you again!!" hollered her mother Druella Black.

Andromeda slowed to a walk once she had cleared the street,

"I love Ted and there is nothing they can do about it!" Andromeda announced to the empty street before breaking into song.

**Verse 1**

_All of my family's plans for me_

_Forgotten almost instantly_

_In the moment that i_

_Met Ted Tonks_

**Verse 2**

_Very mad at me they were_

_When they found he wasn't pure_

_They immediately shut me out_

_As if I never was there_

**Chorus**

_No need to be with him_

_Bella said to me_

_I love him_

_I really, really do_

_Yes I love him_

_I want to marry him_

**Verse 3**

_From this moment on I know_

_Exactly where my life will go_

_Now that I found my love_

_And my family hates me_

**Chorus**

_All that I learned from this_

_Is the Blacks are really racist_

_Who will hate one of their own_

_If they aren't like them_

**Chorus**

When she reached a house on a muggle street, she practically ran up the drive and knocked on the door.

"Andy? Hi!" said Ted as he kissed her in greeting.

"My family has disowned me, Ted." She stated simply once they were safely ensconced in his room.

"Why?" Ted asked, deeply shocked.

"Because I love you!"

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_Please note that I do not actually believe the Blacks are racist…merely selective in who they spend their time with! This is all Andromeda's opinion; you can now see why she was disowned. _


	3. You're Beautiful

Disclaimer: Thanks to JKR for allowing the use of all these brilliant characters!!!

And the song featured here is my parody of "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt.

Enjoy!

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_Now we skip forward to the romantic saga that was James Potter and Lily Evans._

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**You're Beautiful**

James Potter sat under the cool shade of a tree by the lake just staring unabashedly at Lily Evans, who sat across the grounds with her friends.

Yes, Lily Evans was now officially James' girlfriend. He could hardly believe it himself. He sat there reminiscing on how it all came to be…

**Verse 1**

_Lily you're brilliant_

_Even though your blood_

_Might not be so pure_

_I know I love you_

_And that I can't cure_

_For years I chased you_

_Just to hold your hand_

_But you never gave me the time of day_

_And this made me sad_

_Because_

**Chorus**

_You're beautiful_

_You're beautiful_

_You're beautiful it's true_

_I first saw you when we were 11_

_And I didn't know what to do_

_That day I fell in love with you_

_Every time I said_

_You kept walking by_

_Yes it wasn't until our 6th year_

_That night at our Halloween Ball_

_That you came up to me and said that you love me_

**Chorus**

_You're beautiful_

_You're beautiful_

_You're beautiful it's true_

_My dear Lily Evans_

_That day I did cherish_

_When you told me you wanted to be with me_

_About time you faced the truth_

_That I James Potter am in love with you_

"James, are you alright there?" Lily asked as she stood over James, peering at him with concern. He looked up at her and a great smile spread across his face.

"Now I am." He replied as he pulled her down in to a kiss, on her way down she tripped, landing on top of James much to his delight.

"Alright, if you insist." He said mock reluctantly. Lily pushed him playfully.

"You wish."

James just laughed as he lay there with Lily who still had yet to extricate herself from him. They were happy together and that was all that mattered.


	4. Albus and Severus

Disclaimer: Thanks to JKR for allowing the use of all these brilliant characters!!!

And the song featured here is my parody of "Father and Son" by Cat Stevens

Enjoy!

A/N: This parody contains a theory of mine as to why Severus is trusted so much by Dumbledore… Anything in these parodies that isn't canon is essentially my theories or ideas!

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_Severus Snape made a mistake by joining the Lord Voldemort and becoming a Death Eater. This shows the day that Severus came and lay down his life at Albus Dumbledore's mercy…_

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**Albus and Severus**

Severus tried to hold his head high as he walked through the familiar corridors of Hogwarts to Albus Dumbledore's office. _I don't care what happens to me now; I just want to try to rectify my misdeeds,_ he thought as he traveled up the moving staircase to reach Dumbledore's office. The door opened as he raised his hand to knock.

"Come in Severus." A gentle voice commanded him. He stepped in and sat down in the proffered chair opposite Dumbledore, he didn't even know what to say.

"What is it you wanted, Severus?" he asked, not judging but simply curious. He looked up to Dumbledore's face and with tears in his eyes he began to sing…

**It is time to make a change**

**I give up I am yours now**

**I realize my mistake**

**Becoming a Death Eater**

**I was young and stupid**

**Thought that it would make me happy**

**Look at me now what I've done**

**I am so ashamed**

**I want to be as you are now**

**I want to be happy**

**Knowing that I can do some good in this world**

**You can do with me a lot**

**Send me to Azkaban or not**

**I will still be here tomorrow**

**Unless he kills me first.**

Severus paused and Albus just stared at him, relief in his eyes as he took up the tune...

**How can I try to explain?**

**What I felt when I saw you**

**Walking though the gates of Hogwarts**

**My heart filled with joy**

**That you finally realized you way**

**I want you Severus Snape**

**To become a spy for me**

**Yes I said**

**Become a spy**

Severus sighed but nodded his head firmly. He knew it was all that he deserved.

**I understand what you ask**

**Is a very dangerous task**

**But I know it is all that deserve right now**

**If it will help prove to you**

**My loyalty is through and through**

**Then I owe you my life.**

Albus came and knelt before Severus, clasping his hand and looking desperately in his eyes.

**My dear Severus**

**Please understand**

**That the prophecy you passed on is bad**

**He wants to kill Lily and James Potter**

**But if you make with me and Unbreakable Vow you'll see**

**Then I can trust you to get the job done**

**I know I can trust you**

Severus got off his seat and knelt down next to Albus

"I will, my life is yours to do with what you will."

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_Lets all give Severus a hug _


	5. Oh What A Night

Disclaimer: Thanks to JKR for allowing the use of all these brilliant characters!!!

And the song featured here is my parody of "Oh What A Night" by Billy Joel

Enjoy!

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_On that fateful Halloween in Godric's Hollow, the Dark Lord met something he did not expect. Now he sits alone, a mere whisper of his former self as he watched time pass him…_

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**Oh What A Night**

The Dark Lord floated though the trees of the Albanian Woods for what seemed like the millionth time. Time passed very slowly for Lord Voldemort, it has been eight years since that fateful night. He reminisces about it to the snakes and other small creatures he kept under his control…

**Verse 1**

_Oh what a night_

_Late October back in '81_

_What a very unlucky night for me_

_Since I met my downfall_

**Verse 2**

_Oh what a night_

_The Potters I had set out to kill_

_On the information of Peter Pettigrew_

_What a bad choice that was_

**---**

_Oh I felt a funny feeling when my spell _

_Rebounded, and I was ripped from my body_

**---**

**Verse 3**

_Oh what a night_

_How could I have ever guessed?_

_That the sacrifice of a mudblood_

_Would spell doom for me_

**---**

_A prophecy had told me that he was the one_

_I knew killing the Potter boy would be fun_

**---**

**---**

_Oh what a night_

_Oh I felt a funny feeling when my spell _

_Rebounded, and I was ripped from my body_

**---**

**Verse 4**

_Oh what a night_

_Why did I miss such an obvious clue?_

_That ancient blood magic still rang true_

_Now I sit here powerless_

**---**

_I am so lucky that I took certain measures_

_To ensure that I will never die_

_Oh what a night (x7)_

**---**

He smirked as he floated away,

"I'll come back, you will see. No one can hide from Lord Voldemort."

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_Hi 5 for Lord Voldemort's optimism!_


	6. Somewhere in Azkaban

Disclaimer: Thanks to JKR for allowing the use of all these brilliant characters!!!

And the song featured here is my parody of "Somewhere in the Night" by Scott Bakula

Enjoy!

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_In the days following the downfall of the Dark Lord, his most faithful Death Eaters; Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange hunted tirelessly for him, their luck ran out when they tortured the Longbottoms for information as they were arrested soon after…_

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**Somewhere in Azkaban**

Bellatrix could not believe the audacity of the Ministry. _How dare they imprison her and her husband, Rodolphus!_

Years have passed with Bellatrix sitting in her cell day in and day out, already resenting being apart from the one she loved, her Rodolphus. She pondered on this while her thoughts spilled forth into song.

**Verse 1**

**On the day we were sentenced**

**Never thought we'd be separated**

**Now in this dark cell alone I lay**

**Should have thought that they **

**Would not be reasonable**

**Chorus**

**Somewhere in Azkaban**

**My Rodolphus sleeps tonight**

**He should be here telling me it's alright**

**Somewhere in Azkaban**

**As day turns into night**

**I want to hold him here**

**Somewhere in Azkaban**

**Verse 2**

**Second chances I won't get**

**To say that I love you every day**

**As the time it passes it is something that I regret**

**Been so long since I have seen your face**

**Chorus**

**Verse 3**

**Year after year as I sit here on my own**

**Standing with me I see you still but I just can't reach**

**Who will answer my prayer?**

**Who will free us from here?**

**The Dark Lord, the Dark Lord**

**Chorus**

**Somewhere in Azkaban**

**My Rodolphus sleeps tonight**

**He should be here telling me it's alright**

**Somewhere in Azkaban**

**As day turns into night**

**Let me see your face**

**Feel your warm embrace**

**Let me hold you, Somewhere in Azkaban**

Silent tears made tracks through the grime on her face as the harsh reality of a life sentence hit her. For the first time in years, she fully appreciated its severity.

_The Dark Lord will come_ she reminded herself stubbornly before falling into a fitful, restless sleep.


	7. The Boy Who Lived

Disclaimer: Thanks to JKR for allowing the use of all these brilliant characters!!!

And the song featured here is my parody of "The Boxer" by Simon and Garfunkel.

Enjoy!

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_Now we follow the path of our hero Harry Potter as he comes to terms with his terrible past and his first year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry._

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**The Boy-Who-Lived**

Harry was preoccupied as he walked slowly around the Great Lake. He mused the celebrity status he had through Hogwarts and beyond and he paused to think about what he had lost or more succinctly, what he never had. Harry sat down on the lake's edge as he sung his tale…

**Verse 1**

_My name's Harry Potter_

_And my story's often told_

_Of that night when my parents died_

_Killed by Voldemort as they tried to protect me_

_All lies and more_

_From the Dursley's who wanted to quash the magic out of me_

**Verse 2**

_When I left the Dursley's home this year_

_I was only eleven_

_In the company of half-giants_

_At King's Cross Station_

_By myself_

_Trying to find out how to get through the platform_

_Where the wizards go_

_On their way to Hogwarts magic school_

**Verse 3**

_Lie la lie…_

_Asking only not to be sorted into Slytherin House_

_And it hears me_

_Gryffindor the house for me with my friend Weasley_

_I do declare that I don't think that the Potions Professor Snape like me_

**Verse 4**

_Lie la lie…_

_Then I got an invisibility cloak_

_With a note 'use it well'_

_That was all_

_I went to find out who Nicholas Flamel was_

_Instead found a mirror_

**Verse 5**

_In the mirror are my parents _

_Standing next to me_

_As happy as can be_

_Wishing they were actually here with me_

_But Dumbledore came and said_

"_It does not do to dwell on dreams _

_And forget to live your parents live within your heart"_

_Lie la lie…_

**---**

"Harry, mate! There you are, I have been looking for you everywhere. What have you been doing?" questioned Ron curiously as he sat down next to his best friend.

"Just thinking is all…about my parents." He looked out over the water not wanting Ron to see the tears in his eyes. Ron didn't respond, just slanted him a sympathetic glance as the pair sat in a comfortable silence watching the Giant Squid play around in the water.


	8. Not Today

Disclaimer: Thanks to JKR for allowing the use of all these brilliant characters!!!

And the song featured here is my parody of "No Reply" by The Beatles

Enjoy!

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_Voldemort has returned and Harry Potter is stuck at Number 4 Privet Drive! He is getting restless and wants to know what's going on…_

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Harry Potter paced his bedroom over and over again, continuously peering out his window for Sirius' response to when he was getting out of here. Suddenly Hedwig shot into the room and dropped a scroll of parchment on his bed before landing on top of her cage.

Harry ran to it and tore it open, it bore one line

_Not today Harry. Stay put we'll come and get you soon._

Harry threw himself on his bed in frustration. How many times would this happen before he could leave? He glance back out the window and began to sing in despair.

**With every letter that I wrote**

**I got back the same note**

**Not today**

**They said to stay put**

**That they would come get me**

**In no time**

_**Chorus 1**_

**I was so scared**

**That nobody cared**

**To tell me what's going on**

**Not even my best friends**

**Hermione and Ron**

_**Chorus 2**_

**I tried to let you know that I wanted to go**

**You said no**

**Coz Voldemort is out**

**Looking for me**

**It's dangerous**

_**Chorus 1**_

**If I were you I'd tell me everything**

**Not leave me in the dark**

**Or allow me to go to the park**

**Where Dementors could find me**

_**Chorus 2**_

_**Chorus 1**_

**Not today (x2)**

Harry closed his eyes in frustration. _When will they come?_ He thought, _I can't take the Dursley's much longer._


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Harry Potter, Parody