Inheritance Cycle 1. Chapter 1

It was a gloomy night. The sky was as dark as a chimney and the stars shone like beakers. The ugerly elf, Arya, was galloping fast on her horse. Nobody actually knew WHY, but i have a suspicion it was cause she knew I WAS AFTER HER!!!!!! Being and author ROX!!!! You can do whatever you like to whoever you like!!! woot woot!!

But anyway, story. Arya had blonde hair and greeney-bluey eyes, even though she was MEANT to look exotic and beautiful. Phhhhh.

Her horse suddenly stopped, as a Hott, Sexxy young man stood in front of them. His hair was golden blonde and his eyes deepest chocolate.

"Move! I must hurry!" the elf cried.

He laughed. Again and again. He would stop and look up only to see how Slightly Disgruntled she was and fall over again gigling and snorting. He could do all these things, and still be super Sexxy and Hott!! HOW DID HE DO IT???

Unfortunatly, the Ugerly Elf (Arya) didn't have a brain to conect images from her eyes to, and she saw him as Adverage (Which he totally was NOT.) Another disadvantage to not having a brain was that she was liable to say whatever the hell she liked.

"Eragon, i simply must object!"

At this point the Most Brilliant Author Ever (me) jumped out from a nearby tree stump and poked the horse sharply in the eye, while screaming, "EDDIE MADE ME DO IT!!!!"

The horse stumbled over, blinded by her brilliantly coloured nails.

_My eyes!!!_

It fell to the ground, utterly defeated. The Ugerly Elf jumped off her fallen horse, still twitching on the ground as Arya had NO compassion for it whatsoever, and glared at the Most Brilliant Author Ever (lets call her Emmeline, m'kay?). Emmeline then proceeded to poke HER in the eyes.

"Wtf was that for!!!"

Emmeline looked startled.

"But...but Eddie said-"

"WHO THE HELL IS EDDIE!!!!!"

Emmeiline then sat Eragon and Arya down on a log. While they roasted marshmellows, she told of Eddie The Magical Penguin, a purple penguin Emmeline had as a best friend the year before.

"So then Emily says to me, she says 'Oh yeah? Well i have a Magical Penguin called Freddy!' of course, i was utterly outraged! So i got Jan to sit on Freddy and i never heard from him again. THEN Eddie went on a cruise to Barbados and he-"

"Wait, so Eddie's REAL?!" said a dumbarse, aka Arya.

"Well, DER!!!! Of COURSE Eddie's REAL!!!"

Arya being stupid, believed Emmeline. Eragon, of course, being Hott and Sexxy, started to make out with Emmeline.

"Hey! Hands off!!"

The Hott and Sexxy couple (Eragon and Emmeline) unlocked from each other and stared at Arya with one eyebrow raised.

"I thought you weren't interested in me?!"

Arya blushed, as she CLEARLY did love Eragon. Who doesn't?!

"Well, yes! But that doesn't mean i can PRETEND!!"

There was a silence. Then Eragon and Emmeline made out again.

After several Fun Filled hours, Arya interuppted.

"Uh, so why was i riding furiously?"

"Oh yeah, about that..."

"Yes?!"

"Galby's on 'is way." said Eragon through a mouthful of Emmeline.

**((EWW! NOT LIKE, A BODY PART!!! I MAY BE OBBSESSED WITH ERAGON, BUT I STOP SHORT OF BEING PROMISCUOUS!))**

Arya stood up just as Galby charged through the forest nearby, his Urgals singing "Like a Virgin" and him humming the Rubber Ducky Song

**((YOU KNOW THE ONE BERT AND ERNIE OFF SESAME STREET SING!!! RUBBER DUCKY, YOU'RE SO FINE! YOU MAKE BATHTIME LOTSA FUN!!! RUBBER DUCKY IM AWFULLY FOND OF YOU!!! RING ANY BELLS?!))**

He looked ahead and saw Arya standing there like a Fool (Who says she ISN'T?!) and Eragon and Emmeline still making out.

"So, uh, can i invade or what?"

Eragon and Emmeline looked up again, Slightly Disgruntled at being interuppted AGAIN!!

Eragon looked around and found a large stone, perfect for crouching behind while an elf got captured and possibly raped.

"Yeah, just wait a sec." Eragon and the Incredibly beautiful girl creeped behind the stone and made themselves comfortable while Galby filed his nails. Arya seemed to come out of a trance at the sound of mutinous nails on the filer. "Hey! Eragon and Emmeline, you just betrayed me!!"

Emmeline popped her head out from behind the rock and mumbled something.

"What???"

"GOD, WHAT ARE YOU, DEAF?????!!!!!!!!!!! I SAID 'THAT HAPPENED QUITE SOME TIME AGO'!!!!!! TURN UP YOUR HEARING AIDS, WOMAN!!!!"

Arya looked at them solemly. Emmeline and Eragon burst out laughing.

"What's so funny??" Galby enquired.

Arya turned around, her face still trying to remain solemn. Galbatorix and his entire army burst out laughing.

If you, my friends, had been a crow flying north-east at eleven twenty-four point five PM that night, you would have seen a sea of men crying while clutching their stomachs. You would have seen a Hott and Sexxy couple shaking each others shoulders while hysterically breathing into Hippoventilating bags **((Long story, don't ask. I'll explain at the end.))**

You would also have seen a king bowed down with mirth, a small plastic duck clutched in his hand and a More Than Slightly Disgruntled elf trying to act solemn. You would also have pissed yourself laughing and fallen to a camp of urgals set up nearby.

But anyways. Story. Galby finally stopped mid-laugh, as all evil villains do, and growled. "Enough of this! I want the blood of the person responsible for taking that dragon's egg from me!! Which one of youse was it?!!"

Eragon and Emmeline shrugged and "meh"ed and sunk back down behind the rock to talk about how Un-hott Murtagh was.

Arya, being a dumb-arse and all, stayed where she was. She blinked once, twice, thrice...

Galby stored his plastic ducky away in the fold of his robes and took out a sword. His face went blank as he called someone unknown.

He took several short strides forward. "SHORT ARSE!!" One of the soldiers called. Unable to reply with a decent comeback, Galby went with the standard 'Whatever'.

Suddenly two dark figures appeared in the sky above their heads. As they drew closer, they could be identified as a red dragon and a puff of smoke that somehow resembled a dragon. On the red dragon, a very un-Hott, un-Sexxy figure lurked in a lurky kind of way. On the puff of smoke a very UUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHH figure giggled in a giggly way.

"Dagnammit!! DURZA!!!!! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT THE SACRIFICIAL WINE!!!!!" Galby screeched.

The dragon landed heavily while the puff of smoke sort of floated, but not unheavily. Don't ask me how smoke can float heavily, this just COULD.

Murtagh stepped off the sie of the red draggy, and fell flat on his wide, wide face.

"WHAT'S WITH THAT!!! GALBY, WHEN'RE YA GUNNA INSTALL THE ESCALATOR!!!!!?????"

Galby said sarcastically, "The same time as the indicators."

Murtagh nodded, then spotted Arya.

"You're hot." **((I COULDN'T BRING MYSELF TO SAY HOTT...NOT ABOUT ARYA!!!))**

"Yeah, i know." She ran forward and kissed Murtagh. A chorus of "EWWW!!!!! HOW RANK!!!!!" echoed around the forest.

"Meh." came from the Ugerly couples lips.

"THAT'S MY WORD!!!!!! SHUDDUPA YOUR FACE!!!!"

Emmeline slapped Arya. She poked her in the eye again.

"Hey! Don't tell me...Eddie The Magical Penguin..."

"No actually. See, Harry Potter came and he put the Imperius curse on me and THEN what happened was-"

Arya slapped her back. Emmeline screamed in her extremely loud scream and threw Arya into a nearby pot of boiling elephant crap.

Arya didn't notice the pain.

"OMG!!!!! MY HAIR!!!!! MY HAIR!!!!!!!! ARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!"

She leaped out and cleaned herself with magic and pushed Emmeline over.

"Omigod! Bitch fight!!" giggled Durza.

A (mock) look of total calm settled accross Emmeline's face.

"I am sorry, dearest Arya. Please forgive me?"

Arya shrugged and grunted "Meh-uh-uh."

Emmeline ground her teeth.

_That's my word..._

"M'kay!!! It's a deal! So uh, you wanna learn a great song?? AAAALL the guys in Alagaesia will have the hots for you if you sing it!!"

Arya looked like she was thinking, which proved two things. One, that she didn't have a brain, as she came to no conclusions and two, that she must have been in physical pain as her face screwed up.

"WEEEEEELL, i AM hot enough to get any guy already-"

"NOT ME!!!!!" Eragon interjected.

"-but i guess i can't complain if it works!! Teach it to me!!"

So Emmeline enroled in the help of Eragon while Galby, Durza, the puff of smoke, the red dragon, Murtagh and the soldiers waitied with ciggies.

_Everybody look at me, me _

_I walk in the door you start screaming _

_Come on everybody whatchu here for? _

_Move your body around like a nympho _

_Everybody get your necks to crack around _

_All you crazy people come and jump around _

_I want to see you all on your knees knees _

_you either want to be with me, or be me _

_Maneater, make you work hard _

_Make you spend hard _

_Make you want all, of her love _

_She's a maneater _

_make you buy cars _

_make you cut cords _

_make you fall, real hard in love _

_She's a maneater, make you work hard _

_Make you spend hard _

_Make you want all, of her love _

_She's a maneater _

_make you buy cars _

_make you cut cords _

_Wish you never ever met her at all _

_And when she walks she walks with passion _

_when she talks, she talks like she can handle it _

_when she asks for something, but she means it _

_even if you never ever seen it _

_everybody get your necks to crack around _

_all you crazy people come and jump around _

_you doing anything to keep her by your side _

_because, she said she love you, love you long time _

_Maneater, make you work hard _

_Make you spend hard _

_Make you want all, of her love _

_She's a maneater _

_make you buy cars _

_make you cut cords _

_make you fall, real hard in love _

_She's a maneater, make you work hard _

_Make you spend hard _

_Make you want all, of her love _

_She's a maneater _

_make you buy cars _

_make you cut cords _

_Wish you never ever met her at all _

_Maneater, make you work hard _

_Make you spend hard _

_Make you want all, of her love _

_She's a maneater _

_make you buy cars _

_make you cut cords _

_make you fall, real hard in love _

_She's a maneater, make you work hard _

_Make you spend hard _

_Make you want all, of her love _

_She's a maneater _

_make you buy cars _

_make you cut cords _

_Wish you never ever met her at all _

_never ever met her at all _

_you wish you never ever met her at all _

_you wish you never ever met her at all _

_you wish you never ever met her at all _

_you wish you never ever met her at all _

_you wish you never ever met her at all _

_Maneater, make you work hard _

_Make you spend hard _

_Make you want all, of her love _

_She's a maneater _

_make you buy cars _

_make you cut cords _

_make you fall, real hard in love _

_She's a maneater, make you work hard _

_Make you spend hard _

_Make you want all, of her love _

_She's a maneater _

_make you buy cars _

_make you cut cords _

_Wish you never ever met her at all _

Arya continued singing this and eventually Galby and his men ran away in fear. Emmeline attempted to high-five Arya, but the body contact sent Mary Sue vibes, so she hastily pulled away.

**M'kay!! The Hippoventilating bag... My sister Emily spelt 'Hypoventilating bag' as Hippoventilating bag, so we just say that now. Don't bother flaming me, i didn't ask yall to read this. Any suggestions would be welcome. Bu bye!!!**


	2. AUTHORS NOTE!

I dont know if my first message got to you cause the net crashed(was this your

doing? ) but anyway

1. no m not one of those ppl who said u should get a life though luck

2. I have so may reasons to tell you that your stories suck that I just cant

imagine keeping them to myself

3. No you can not write everything u want. Dont u have some humanity? There are

readers who were scared for life after seeing your stories.

4. My stories are not posted on this site thus its impossible for u to read

them(if u dont count that one miserable tail which I dropped from the first

chapter...go make fun of that if it makes u feel better )

5. U know what I love most about wanna bee writers like you? The moment they see

that the reviewers are flaming they use that old, stupid, cowardly phrase "Dont

read". A real writer needs too keep his critiques closer because they are the

ones who really see the flaws in his work. Like I said if you want to be an

amateur dont post

6. "At least

they are smart enough to catch a fish or two..."- maybe u should learn smthing

from them

Ah and best of luck with flaming me in your story and telling ppl how mean I am

to you dont forget to cry that always impresses reviewers...Ja ne!

** Ahhhh. Isn't it great to have adoring fans!!!!! But yeah. Seriously. I'm not going to bother saying anything about how idiodic this was, just posting it cause my friends wanted to see it and i thought it was really very funny. Mmmm, ok. I will post something about Joybella, but only because she wished me luck to do so!! M'kay...**

**1) Nope, didn't crash the net. **

**2) Ahhh but you already DID!**

**3) If my stories suck, why read them?!**

**4) Nope. No humanity AT ALL. Yall should know THAT!!**

**5) I do believe you have some stories in "Class of the titans" and some other weird Japanese name. **

**6) Ahhh. But that phrase is just too true NOT to use!! You see, if nobody read our stories we wouldn't have hate OR fan mail, but if you only read it because you liked the sound of it, you would get mostly fan mail, and if you HATED the sound of it you would get only hate mail. See my point?? There isn't a point to writing about it when all you are doing is insulting. I could go and tease your writing, but what would the point be? None. So therefore, what is YOUR point?? **

**7) Ahhhhh. The fish analogy. WELL, i have been fishing several times through my life, as i live on a beach, and i'm not too bad really. Everyone could learn something from Magical Penguins!!**

**8) Ahh there we go! "Best of luck with flaming me in your story and telling ppl how mean i am to you ** **don't forget to cry that always impresses the reviewers...Ja ne!"**

**Ok, well uhhh what do you want me to do?? Start crying and say how mean you are to me? Nah, not gonna happen sorry. And how would YOU know crying impressed the reviwers? You don't even have a story on here, you say!! And if you DID that would mean that you had cried to your reviewers!! Bahahahahahahahaha!!!!**

**M'kay. Soo, what's the lesson here peeps?? Here, i'll spell it out for you:**

**F is for friends who do stuff together!!!!**

**U is for U and me!!!**

**N is for N-ewhere and N-etime at all, down here in the deep blue sea!!**

**F is for Flamers that burn the down the whole twon!!**

**U's for ugly gits!! BLONDES!!!**

**N is for No Survivors, when you contact me!!**

**F is for Frolick Through all the Flamers**

**U is for ugerlayley!!!**

**N is for nose-picking, cherry-gum and sand licking, complaining about me!!!**

**Ahhhh. A re-written song!! WOOT WOOT!!! THAT SONG ROCKS!!**

**So yeah. Don't bother me by being baka-sans. I have enough to deal with right now, like a missing toe,an Ex and a sick mother. M'kay?? Hey too, Stromboli!!!**


	3. Rewritten Chapter 1

**Oki doki. Well. Since im sensing some hostility here im going to say this once and only once:**

**SHUT UP!!!!!!!**

**I am NOT:**

**1) trying to provoke yall. Just saying what i think.**

**2) Normal. you should know that by reading this story. So you can't actually insult me by calling me a freak, m'kay?**

**3) Performing stunts. We aren't in the circus people!!!**

**4) Making people up. Yes, believe it or not i actually HAVE friends!!**

**5) a kisama (thanks for that, Joybella!!)**

**Ok, because i think yall rock no matter WHAT you say to me, i'm going to re-write the first chapter again, so you can see which you prefer. I'm not deleting the old one though, it is my work and i'm proud of it. So yeah. If i still recieve flames and bitchings about this, stuff yall i'm going back to MY way!!!**

It was a gloomy night. The sky was as dark as a chimney and the stars shone like beakers. The messenger elf, Arya, was galloping fast on her horse through the Spine. Arya had blonde hair and greeney-bluey eyes and a proud posture.

Her horse suddenly stopped, as a handsome young man stood in front of them. His hair was golden blonde and his eyes deepest chocolate.

"Move! I must hurry!" the elf cried.

He laughed. Again and again. He would stop and look up only to see how Slightly Disgruntled she was and fall over again gigling and snorting. He could do all these things, and still be handsome?

Unfortunatly, Arya didn't realise just how beautiful a person this boy was.

"Eragon, i simply must object!"

At this point, a girl called Emmeline jumped out from a nearby tree stump and poked the horse sharply in the eye. The horse stumbled over, blinded by her brilliantly coloured nails.

_My eyes!!!_

It fell to the ground, utterly defeated. The elf jumped off her fallen horse and glared Emmeline, who then proceeded to poke Arya in the eyes.

"What was that for!"

Emmeline looked startled.

"But...but Eddie said-"

"WHO IS EDDIE!!!!!"

Emmeiline then sat Eragon and Arya down on a log. While they roasted marshmellows, she told a fantastic tale of Eddie The Magical Penguin, a purple penguin Emmeline had as a best friend the year before.

"So then Emily says to me, she says 'Oh yeah? Well i have a Magical Penguin called Freddy!' of course, i was utterly outraged! So i got Jan to sit on Freddy and i never heard from him again. THEN Eddie went on a cruise to Barbados and he-"

"Wait, so Eddie's REAL?" said Arya.

"Well, DER! Of COURSE Eddie's REAL!"

Arya believed Emmeline. Eragon, of course, being handsome and smart, didn't..

There was a silence. They all sat and twiddled their thumbs.

After several Fun Filled hours, Arya interuppted.

"Uh, so why was i riding furiously?"

"Oh yeah, about that..."

"Yes?!"

"Galby's on 'is way." said Eragon.

Arya stood up just as Galby charged through the forest nearby, his Urgals singing "Like a Virgin" and him humming the Rubber Ducky Song

**((YOU KNOW THE ONE BERT AND ERNIE OFF SESAME STREET SING!!! RUBBER DUCKY, YOU'RE SO FINE! YOU MAKE BATHTIME LOTSA FUN!!! RUBBER DUCKY IM AWFULLY FOND OF YOU!!! RING ANY BELLS?!))**

He looked ahead and saw Arya standing there like a Fool and Eragon and Emmeline casually leaning against a tree and talking about dragons and the like.

"So, uh, can i invade or what?"

Eragon and Emmeline looked up again, Slightly Disgruntled at being interrupted.

Eragon looked around and found a large stone, perfect for crouching behind while an elf got captured.

"Yeah, just wait a sec." Eragon and Emmeline crept behind the stone and made themselves comfortable while Galby filed his nails. Arya seemed to come out of a trance at the sound of mutinous nails on the filer. "Hey! Eragon and Emmeline, you just betrayed me!!"

Emmeline popped her head out from behind the rock and mumbled something.

"What???"

"GOD, WHAT ARE YOU, DEAF?????!!!!!!!!!!! I SAID 'THAT HAPPENED QUITE SOME TIME AGO'!!!!!! TURN UP YOUR HEARING AIDS, WOMAN!!!!"

Arya looked at them solemly. Emmeline and Eragon burst out laughing.

"What's so funny??" Galby enquired.

Arya turned around, her face still trying to remain solemn. Galbatorix and his entire army burst out laughing.

If you, my friends, had been a crow flying north-east at eleven twenty-four point five PM that night, you would have seen a sea of men crying while clutching their stomachs. You would have seen a two people shaking each others shoulders while hysterically breathing into Hippoventilating bags **((Long story, don't ask. I'll explain at the end.))**

You would also have seen a king bowed down with mirth, a small plastic duck clutched in his hand and a More Than Slightly Disgruntled elf trying to act solemn. You would also have pissed yourself laughing and fallen to a camp of urgals set up nearby.

But anyways. Story. Galby finally stopped mid-laugh, as all evil villains do, and growled. "Enough of this! I want the blood of the person responsible for taking that dragon's egg from me!! Which one of youse was it?!!"

Eragon and Emmeline shrugged and "meh"ed and sunk back down behind the rock to talk about how OK Murtagh was.

Arya stayed where she was. She blinked once, twice, thrice...

Galby stored his plastic ducky away in the fold of his robes and took out a sword. His face went blank as he called someone unknown.

He took several short strides forward. "SHORT GLUTEUS MAXIMUS!!!" One of the soldiers called. Unable to reply with a decent comeback, Galby went with the standard 'Whatever'.

Suddenly two dark figures appeared in the sky above their heads. As they drew closer, they could be identified as a red dragon and a puff of smoke that somehow resembled a dragon. On the red dragon, a very adverage figure lurked in a lurky kind of way. On the puff of smoke a very insane figure giggled in a giggly way.

"Dagnammit!! DURZA!!!!! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT THE SACRIFICIAL WINE!!!!!" Galby screeched.

The dragon landed heavily while the puff of smoke sort of floated, but not unheavily. Don't ask me how smoke can float heavily, this just COULD.

Murtagh stepped off the side of the red draggy, and fell flat on his wide, wide face.

"WHAT'S WITH THAT!!! GALBY, WHEN'RE YA GUNNA INSTALL THE ESCALATOR!!!!!?????"

Galby said sarcastically, "The same time as the indicators."

Murtagh nodded, then spotted Arya.

"You're pretty."

"Yeah, i know." She ran forward and hugged Murtagh. A chorus of "EWWW!!!!! HOW RANK!!!!!" echoed around the forest.

"Meh." came from Murtagh and Arya's mouths.

"THAT'S MY WORD!!"

Emmeline slapped Arya. She poked her in the eye again.

"Hey! Don't tell me...Eddie The Magical Penguin..."

"No actually. See, Harry Potter came and he put the Imperius curse on me and THEN what happened was-"

Arya slapped her back. Emmeline screamed in her extremely loud scream and threw Arya into a nearby pot of boiling elephant dung.

Arya didn't notice the pain.

"OMG!!!!! MY HAIR!!!!! MY HAIR!!!!!!!! ARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!"

She leaped out and cleaned herself with magic and pushed Emmeline over.

"Omigod! Fight!!" giggled Durza.

A (mock) look of total calm settled accross Emmeline's face.

"I am sorry, dearest Arya. Please forgive me?"

Arya shrugged and grunted "Meh-uh-uh."

Emmeline ground her teeth.

_That's my word..._

"M'kay!!! It's a deal! So uh, you wanna learn a great song?? AAAALL the guys in Alagaesia will have the hots for you if you sing it!!"

Arya looked like she was thinking.

"WEEEEEELL, i AM hot enough to get any guy already-"

"NOT ME!!!!!" Eragon interjected.

"-but i guess i can't complain if it works!! Teach it to me!!"

So Emmeline enroled in the help of Eragon while Galby, Durza, the puff of smoke, the red dragon, Murtagh and the soldiers waitied with ciggies.

_Everybody look at me, me _

_I walk in the door you start screaming _

_Come on everybody whatchu here for? _

_Move your body around like a nympho _

_Everybody get your necks to crack around _

_All you crazy people come and jump around _

_I want to see you all on your knees knees _

_you either want to be with me, or be me _

_Maneater, make you work hard _

_Make you spend hard _

_Make you want all, of her love _

_She's a maneater _

_make you buy cars _

_make you cut cords _

_make you fall, real hard in love _

_She's a maneater, make you work hard _

_Make you spend hard _

_Make you want all, of her love _

_She's a maneater _

_make you buy cars _

_make you cut cords _

_Wish you never ever met her at all _

_And when she walks she walks with passion _

_when she talks, she talks like she can handle it _

_when she asks for something, but she means it _

_even if you never ever seen it _

_everybody get your necks to crack around _

_all you crazy people come and jump around _

_you doing anything to keep her by your side _

_because, she said she love you, love you long time _

_Maneater, make you work hard _

_Make you spend hard _

_Make you want all, of her love _

_She's a maneater _

_make you buy cars _

_make you cut cords _

_make you fall, real hard in love _

_She's a maneater, make you work hard _

_Make you spend hard _

_Make you want all, of her love _

_She's a maneater _

_make you buy cars _

_make you cut cords _

_Wish you never ever met her at all _

_Maneater, make you work hard _

_Make you spend hard _

_Make you want all, of her love _

_She's a maneater _

_make you buy cars _

_make you cut cords _

_make you fall, real hard in love _

_She's a maneater, make you work hard _

_Make you spend hard _

_Make you want all, of her love _

_She's a maneater _

_make you buy cars _

_make you cut cords _

_Wish you never ever met her at all _

_never ever met her at all _

_you wish you never ever met her at all _

_you wish you never ever met her at all _

_you wish you never ever met her at all _

_you wish you never ever met her at all _

_you wish you never ever met her at all _

_Maneater, make you work hard _

_Make you spend hard _

_Make you want all, of her love _

_She's a maneater _

_make you buy cars _

_make you cut cords _

_make you fall, real hard in love _

_She's a maneater, make you work hard _

_Make you spend hard _

_Make you want all, of her love _

_She's a maneater _

_make you buy cars _

_make you cut cords _

_Wish you never ever met her at all _

Arya continued singing this and eventually Galby and his men ran away in fear. Emmeline attempted to high-five Arya, but the body contact sent Mary Sue vibes, so she hastily pulled away.

**M'kay!! The Hippoventilating bag... My sister Emily spelt 'Hypoventilating bag' as Hippoventilating bag, so we just say that now. Don't bother flaming me, i didn't ask yall to read this. Any suggestions would be welcome. Bu bye!!!**


	4. A makeover, screaming and a lot of fun

They ran through the forest, not hand in hand but hey, who are YOU to complain?! Oh yeah, you already did...

So anyway. Arya was humming the Man Eater song, but she didn't know the words too well just yet...

_She's a ham eater!_

_Making hot dogs_

_with some hot sauce..._

Eragon choked. Emmeline whacked him on the back. Arya laughed. They both poked her.

Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

"ENOUGH!!!!!!!" she roared. She now had two inflamed eyes.

"Shut up, Weird-atarian!!!"

Arya open her mouth like a golfish several times, but she stopped when she noticed Emmeline was taking pictures.

"Don't call me that. Just cause i don't eat mea-"

"SHUT UP OR I'LL GET MY LLAMA'S OUT OF THE CLOSET TO COME AND EAT YOUR HAIR AND STEAL YOUR RIDE-ON LAWN MOWER AND SHOELACES!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Arya looked totally stunned. "Oh. Ok."

She parked her bum on a nearby soft-looking patch of grass. Alas, it was wet. Eragon and Emmeline didn't say anything, just sat on the (dry) tree stumps nearby.

They stiffled giggles and stiffled the urge to jump off the nearby cliff.

There was a gigantinormous POP!!!! sound and two teenage girls appeared, followed by an Extemely Disgruntled Durza.

Emmeline screamed. Lasha screamed. Alex screamed. Durza screamed (because he thought they were planning something). Eragon screamed. Arya "Huh?"ed. "GOD, Arya!! You broke the pattern!!" Alex threw an egg at her. Lasha laughed. Emmeline laughed. Durza and Eragon groaned.

Arya screamed. "Hey, we already DID screaming!!"

Arya growled and wiped some stray yolk from her still inflamed eyes.

Lasha squealed. "OOOOOHHHH! I HAVE A GREAT IDEA!!!!!!"

"Oh shit." Durza ran for it. Eragon shrugged and fell asleep.

The girls sat Arya down and laid her head back on the log.

"We think it's about time you had a make-over, Arya. Don't worry, it's TOTALLY fashionable!!!!!"

Arya grinned lopsidedly and tried to say "Meh. Why not." But it came out as "Goof. Myrdog!" seeing as they had shoved strawberries in her mouth as a makeshift gag. They tied her hands behind her back and strapped her legs together.

"HJKFJ SHDJK!!!!"

"Ahhhh. Don't worry, Arry!! Strawberries make your teeth white!!"

Content at this, Arya sat back at closed her eyes.

They pretended to be busy, while really just rubbing water all over her, until they heard muffled snores.

"M'kay!!! Emmeline, you do the outfit!"

"Right away, ma'am!"

"Lasha, you do the hair! and body!!!"

"Yup."

"And i'll do the make-up!!!!"

"Uh, Al, just one problem..."

Alex stopped her mascara application (she was doing a pretty crappy job at it anyway...).

"What??"

"Uhhh WELL. For me to be able to do her clothes, they have to...come off..."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

All three screamed. Eragon woke up and mumbled something about Saphira being comfier anyway. He walked straight off the edge of the nearby cliff.

Lasha and Alex looked at Emmeline.

'Uh, your boyfriend kinda just walked off that cliff..."

"Meh. He's good."

They continued their work. Deciding it best to CUT the clothes off, the all looked away and snapped their scissors randomly, hoping to be cutting something other than their own wrists.

"Lasha, i vote you to get the clothes off her!!!!"

"Get Eddie to do it!!!!"

Eddie The Magical Penguin, who was sitting nearby, shrugged and said, "Meh."

Lasha threw a tantrum, but it was decided.

She turned around.

"Omigod!!!!!"

Alex and Emmeline whipped around, only to realise Lasha was joking.

"MY EYES HAVE BEEN SOILED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

They ran off and died a few times before returning with bands of leaves covering their eyes.

Lasha giggled.

"What in the name of your hooker shoes are you laughing at?!?!"

"Meh-uh-uh."

Emmeline ground her teeth.

_That's STILL my word!!!!!_

They resumed work, but with their backs to Arya The Naked Elf, except that was kinda hard for Alex and Lasha, who were slowly deforming Arya's face and body.

When they were all done, the leaf-bands re-applied, they dresses her, careful not to take off any of the Edible Chocolate paint. tee hee...

It was going to be a fun night...


	5. Of Jamaican guineapigs and bowler hats

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Shit, i think Arya's woken up."

Lasha and Alex groaned and sat up. They had all been sharing a dream about Jamaican guinea-pigs and bowler hats...

Emmeline was crouched under a bush with Eragon, who was OBVIOUSLY back. They motoned for the others to join them. There was quite a kerfuffle, and a lot of squealing as Lasha accidentally leant on Eragon. But FINALLY, they were all squished into the bush.

Alex, who was bent into the shape of an (AKA, very bent) whispered in her quietest whisper (which is the loudest thing they had ever heard.)

"How old IS Arya?!"

Eragon snorted and replied, "Over 100"

"aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh" Alex, Lasha and Emmeline whisper-screamed.

Unfortunately, Arya heard them.

"YOU DID THIS TO ME!!!!!!!"

A Extremely Disgruntled Arya tore the bush appart.

"Oh my freaking GOD!!!!" Eragon clutched his chest and had a few heart spasms.

It probably had to do with the fact Arya was orange, her dress came up to her butt cheeks and on her back (Where Emmeline had cleverly cut a hole) was written LETS GET BUSY in Edible chocolate paint. Her hair was teased, her lips Dame Edna-red, her eyes a vision in silver eye shadow and her dress COVERED in leaves, sand, dirt and otherwise natural materials. Cough cough.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EMMELINE!!!!!!! DID YOU HAVE TO CUT IT THAT SHORT!!!!!!!!!!"

Emmeline had put her leaf-band on again. Alex was tearing hers apart with nerves. Lasha was trying to rip a peice of material off Eragon's shirt for a blindfold, as he lay unconcious in the dirt.

"IT WAS YOU!!" They all realised Arya was still there and stuttered.

"I didn't! it was..."

"Don't you blame me for this! If i hadn't-"

"Hey! Who are YOU calling-"

"Now hold on a second!-"

"SHUT UP!!!!!!" Arya screached. They fell silent.

"Thunder thighs..." Alex muttered.

"WHAT?!"

"Wonder thighs!!" Alex said, giving her thumbs up while turning a delicate shade of mint.

Arya stormed off, returning a short time later looking utterly normal.

"Dang! All our hard work!!"

Eragon woke up, glad at Arya's return to Mary Sue-ity.

"Hey! What happened to my shirt?!"

'Meh-uh-uh." They chorused.

Eragon flew away on Saphira and Arya stood there, hands on waist, looking murderous.

"Are you pregnant to Durza??" Emmeline inquired innocently.

"WHAT?!" Durza peeped his head out of a hollow tree and Arya looked up.

"Just asking... you do look quite pot-bellied..."

Arya growled and turned her back to them.

Durza screamed, "DON'T TURN YOU'RE BACK TO THEM, FOOL!!!!!"

Arya slowly turned around, to find all of them sitting on the big puff of smoke shaped like a dragon. She tried to grab Lasha's leg, but they were just out of reach.

Emmeline threw her shoe at her. "Oldy McOldpants!!!!!!!!!"

They flew away, black smoke billowing around them in the breeze.

Lasha reached into her bag and pulled out...the hooker shoes. Durza, who was sitting behind Emmeline squealed and made to grab for the shoes. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE'S RIGHT BEHIND ME AND LEANING ON ME SUGGESTIVELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! RAPE!!!!!!!!!!!" She grabbed her other shoe and beat him off with it. She gave him a final whack, whence he fell of the smoke thingy and into the clouds bellow.

Satisfied, Emmeline returned her one surving shoe to her foot.

"Soooo, uh, what's ur name, Smokey??"

_I am Shruikan!!!!_

'Whatever."

They flew for another few minutes before Emmeline, Alex and Lasha cried out.

"OH SHIT!!!!! SHE'S GOT ERAGON!!!!!!"


	6. Really can't be stuffed naming this one

**M'kay. Emma, and the rest of ya who want to know, Lasha and Alex are my friends and i wanted to add them into my story, since some of my ideas are in Lasha's story and uhhh i always forget who ALex is on FanFic.. tee hee... anyways, Alex wrote a chapter (and appears in) Lasha's FREAKING FUNNY story, WAYS TO ANNOY DURZA! Go on. Read it. Look at it just sitting there... all alone... But yeah. Once you have, you'll never be the same again... For better or worse? Tune in next time to find out!!!!!**

"Oi!!!! Big fluffy thing!! Turn around!!! An Hott and Sexxy guy is stranded with a Mary Sue!!!"

He turned around and sped head first towards the ground. The group wasn't particularly worried. After all, uhhhhh... something...

They fell about on the ground, limbs flailing and akimbo.

_Thanks, fluffy dude!!_

_it's Shruikan._

An extremely pissed and bruised looking Durza appeared from behind a nearby bush.

"That's not Shruikan!!!! That's MY smoke thing!!!!"

In the next few minutes they all demonstrated their knowledge of shrugging, 'Meh"ing and looking utterly bewildered.

Alex's eyes darted around and she sprinted off into the trees.

"Uhhhhh...baba lou!!!" Lasha and Emmeline threw themselves after her.

"Where the phuck are you GOING?!" Lasha screamed as she ran straight into Alex, who had stopped dead in front of them.

"Meh-uh-uh."

_COPYRIGHT!!!!!_

"Soooo... yeah. Uhhhh... what?"

They shrugged and slumped on the ground.

THEN Lasha came up with the best thing ever.

"LET'S GET DRUNK!!!!"

WOOT WOOT!!!!!!

"Don blammme mreeeee!! I is jussa ssssspect on tha... ooof."

"Yeah, wheverrrrrr. I dint arsek yer ta... hmm. Howdya get dawn thare?'

"Dint ask yoo!!! Lemme live, Chrisssst!"

Lasha was sprawled across the ground near the Inn they were staying in.

Alex was swaying dangerously whilst (again) turning a delicate shade of mint.

Emmeline was talking to a nearby twig.

"They juss don asspekt nuffin frum moi! Dint ya eveh hear bout that wolf that cried p-pig? It go what it deserved; a glass of shhhampayne ploise!!"

She giggled as Alex fell over beside her.

Alex threw her a murderous glance.

"Whatchoo lookin aght?!"

Emmeline shrugged.

"uh dunno. Tha tags bin ript off!!! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

They chuckled and swayed up the stairs to their rooms, dragging Lasha along with them.

"OOOOH! She dunt look so schweet!!!!!!"

Lasha groaned and opened her eyes as they hauled her into her room. She fell onto the bed with a snore.

"Bu bye. Ya knew it was so! Jusss dunt... isss too larte!!!"

Alex threw a candle at a passerby, who happened to be Eragon.

"Hey!"

" I TOL YER!!!! JUSS dunt GOO!!!! it was HERRRRR. SHE made me donut! Uhhhh... donut...doit... do it!"

Alex grabbed a lock of Eragon's hair and tugged.

"OWWWW!!"

"Heyyyy, i dunt nose that! He maked...uhhh... i go ta bud now..."

She tried to sweep a strand of hair out of her eyes attractively, but poked herself in the eye and fell into an umbrella stand. Seconds later, loud snores eminated from her. Utterly exhausted, Emmeline threw herself onto the rug on the ground. Well she would of, had it been a rug and not a flattened-looking pile of dirt. Eragon was left standing in the hallway, one girl lying in a pile of dust, one girl wedged into an umbrella stand and one in a nearby room now vomiting.

He backed away quietly, so no one could accuse him.

That night, in her intoxicated state, Emmeline was contacted by an unknown being...

_Heart pounding...can i live? SHOULD i live? All my regrets and sorrows break free and i float. My rapid fever cures me, but my mind knows not to trust it. My heartbeat sings me a song..._die...die...die... _and i wonder if it's right. Should i trust it? I cut the cord, and feel myself float into nothingness. _dead...dead...dead... _My heart tells me in it's beats for the last time.. I was once-_

_WTF?! _Emmeline spoke back with her mind. _Seriously, that's like, depressing!!! My GOD!!!!! Megan?! Is that YOU?! _

_Shhhhhhhh! No one's meant to know yet!!! Heartache, so blind and true-_

_Megan, you FREAK!!!! I thought i was hallucinating!!!_

_If you aren't hallucinating, where are those purple striped monkeys coming from?_

_Uhhhhh...baba lou? Meh. I don't mind these so much. At least the stripper monkeys are gone..._

_WHAT?!_

_Shhhh. They're singing for me!!_

And indeed, they were. They sung of magical times...

_When i was seventeen..._

_I drank some very good beer..._

_I drank some very good beer i purchased..._

_With a fake ID..._

_My name was Brian McGee..._

_I stayed up listening to Queen..._

_When i was seventeen..._

They repeated this over and over, until Emmeline was awoken by various kickings.

"WHAT, DAMMIT!?!?!?!"

"Come on, Em!!! Wake up!!! My cousins are here!!"


	7. Murtagh the Dreary

"M'kay!!! So, this is Sarah, Ashley, Thomas, Nic, Kate, Jason, Lewis, Matthew, Rachel, Christian, Kevin, Damien and Louise!!

**(( M'KAY!! I call Sarah THINGY, cause i just don't think Sarah suits her, and half the time i don't remember it anyways... tee hee... Ashley was at Meggle's party, and i am CONSTANTLY being accused of flirting with him. AND I DON'T LIKE HIM, DAMMIT!!!!!!! Thomas looks like Roxas from Kingdom Hearts, and Emily is madly and deeply in lust with him. He also hits on random people. I don't know any of the others.))**

Emmeline sat up, her head dizzy with so many names.

What felt like billions of kids and teenagers ran around, making as much noise as possible.

"DAGNAMMIT!!!!!! SHUT UP OR I'LL SEND MY LLAMAS TO EAT YOUR HAIR AND STEAL YOUR RIDE-ON LAWNMOWER AND SHOES!!!!!!!!!"

They stared at her stunned. She picked up a nearby peice of cloth, twisted it and whipped the nearest person as hard as she could. Unfortunately, that person was Thingy, who had a nasty habbit of tickling...

"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!! STOP!!!! I SWEAR!! MERCY!!!! MERCY!!!!! MERCY!!!!!! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! IT I-ISN'T FUNNY!!!!!! TEE HEE HEEEE!! IT'S NOT A- AHHHHH! IT'S NOT A JOKE!!!! BAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!!"

After a millenia or two, they all lay on the ground, utterly spent.

"What do YOU wanna do?" Emmeline whispered.

"I dunno, what do YOU wanna do?"

"Gawd, do i have to say this AGAIN?!"

"Hey, i might be great, but i'm not Gawd!!"

"GROAN!!! SHUT UP!!!"

"Never!!! I strive for achievement! For academic knowledge!! For Demyx to get a new haircut!!" At Demyx's name, Emmeline screamed.

"Not the..."

"Yes. The Mullet."

You could almost hear the shower scence music playing.

DUN DUN DUN DUN "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Thingy's comforting hand was placed on her trembling shoulder. "Shhhhh. it's ok, he's not real remember? Although, mullets are rea-"

"DON'T SAY IT!!! MY!! LIFE!! IS!! NOTHING!! IF!! I!! KNOW!! THAT!! MULLETS!! ARE!! REAL!!!!! ALL!! THE!! THERAPY!! I'VE!! HAD!! TO!! GET!! OVER!! THIS!! CRAZY!! EIGHTIES!! SCREAM HAIRSTYLE!! HASN'T!! PAID!! OFF!! AFTER!! ALL!!" She died a few times, then contented herself with rocking back and forth in te corner, glassy eyes darting suspiciously. "They all said i was crazy! They did! But i'll show them... i'll show them ALL!!!!!"

Just then, Arya popped up.

A moments silence, then the entire room was filled with the screams of a million cousins and general People.

"THE PAIN!! THE HORROR!! THE AGONY!!"

In the next few seconds, four people vomited, four people stepped in vomit, five people ran around screaming while throwing salt in their eyes, three closed their eyes and backed into a wall and the others commited suicide, only to be reincarnated as whoever the hell they were before.

The day ended with the childer (and teenagers and little people) content and sleepy, and an extemely pissed off Arya, who now had face paint to resemble a clown. She was doing quite a good job actually, one of the only things she CAN do. The People skipped off merrily down the hall, Arya rubbing at her face to get the paint off, and found themselves face-to-face with Murtagh. Murtagh, being brrody and misunderstood, took this as an oppourtunity to tell them his life story (Please note, his life story is actually Adonais by Percy Shelley. In no way related…):

I weep for Adonais -he is dead!

O, weep for Adonais! though our tears

Thaw not the frost which binds so dear a head!

And thou, sad Hour, selected from all years

To mourn our loss, rouse thy obscure compeers,

And teach them thine own sorrow, say: "With me

Died Adonais; till the Future dares

Forget the Past, his fate and fame shall be

An echo and a light unto eternity!"

Where wert thou, mighty Mother, when he lay,

When thy Son lay, pierced by the shaft which flies

In darkness? where was lorn Urania

When Adonais died? With veiled eyes,

Mid listening Echoes, in her Paradise

She sate, while one, with soft enamoured breath,

Rekindled all the fading melodies

With which, like flowers that mock the corse beneath,

He had adorned and hid the coming bulk of death.

O, weep for Adonais -he is dead!

Wake, melancholy Mother, wake and weep!

Yet wherefore? Quench within their burning bed

Thy fiery tears, and let thy loud heart keep

Like his, a mute and uncomplaining sleep;

For he is gone, where all things wise and fair

Descend; -oh, dream not that the amorous Deep

Will yet restore him to the vital air;

Death feeds on his mute voice, and laughs at our despair.

Most musical of mourners, weep again!

Lament anew, Urania! -He died,

Who was the Sire of an immortal strain,

Blind, old, and lonely, when his country's pride,

The priest, the slave, and the liberticide

Trampled and mocked with many a loathed rite

Of lust and blood; he went, unterrified,

Into the gulf of death; but his clear Sprite

Yet reigns o'er earth; the third among the sons of light.

Most musical of mourners, weep anew!

Not all to that bright station dared to climb;

And happier they their happiness who knew,

Whose tapers yet burn through that night of time

In which suns perished; others more sublime,

Struck by the envious wrath of man or god,

Have sunk, extinct in their refulgent prime;

And some yet live, treading the thorny road

Which leads, through toil and hate, to Fame's serene abode.

But now, thy youngest, dearest one, has perished -

The nursling of thy widowhood, who grew,

Like a pale flower by some sad maiden cherished,

And fed with true-love tears, instead of dew;

Most musical of mourners, weep anew!

Thy extreme hope, the loveliest and the last,

The bloom, whose petals nipped before they blew

Died on the promise of the fruit, is waste;

The broken lily lies -the storm is overpast.

To that high Capital, where kingly Death

Keeps his pale court in beauty and decay,

He came; and bought, with price of purest breath,

A grave among the eternal. -Come away!

Haste, while the vault of blue Italian day

Is yet his fitting charnel-roof! while still

He lies, as if in dewy sleep he lay;

Awake him not! surely he takes his fill

Of deep and liquid rest, forgetful of all ill.

He will awake no more, oh, never more! -

Within the twilight chamber spreads apace

The shadow of white Death, and at the door

Invisible Corruption waits to trace

His extreme way to her dim dwelling-place;

The eternal Hunger sits, but pity and awe

Soothe her pale rage, nor dares she to deface

So fair a prey, till darkness, and the law

Of change, shall o'er his sleep the mortal curtain draw.

O, weep for Adonais! -The quick Dreams,

The passion-winged Ministers of thought,

Who were his flocks, whom near the living streams

Of his young spirit he fed, and whom he taught

The love which was its music, wander not, -

Wander no more, from kindling brain to brain,

But droop there, whence they sprung; and mourn their lot

Round the cold heart, where, after their sweet pain,

They ne'er will gather strength, or find a home again.

And one with trembling hands clasps his cold head,

And fans him with her moonlight wings, and cries,

"Our love, our hope, our sorrow, is not dead;

See, on the silken fringe of his faint eyes,

Like dew upon a sleeping flower, there lies

A tear some Dream has loosened from his brain."

Lost Angel of a ruined Paradise!

She knew not 'twas her own; as with no stain

She faded, like a cloud which had outwept its rain.

One from a lucid urn of starry dew

Washed his light limbs as if embalming them;

Another clipped her profuse locks, and threw

The wreath upon him, like an anadem,

Which frozen tears instead of pearls begem;

Another in her wilful grief would break

Her bow and winged reeds, as if to stem

A greater loss with one which was more weak;

And dull the barbed fire against his frozen cheek.

Another Splendour on his mouth alit,

That mouth, whence it was wont to draw the breath

Which gave it strength to pierce the guarded wit,

And pass into the panting heart beneath

With lightning and with music: the damp death

Quenched its caress upon his icy lips;

And, as a dying meteor stains a wreath

Of moonlight vapour, which the cold night clips,

It flushed through his pale limbs, and passed to its eclipse.

And others came... Desires and Adorations,

Winged Persuasions and veiled Destinies,

Splendours, and Glooms, and glimmering Incarnations

Of hopes and fears, and twilight Phantasies;

And Sorrow, with her family of Sighs,

And Pleasure, blind with tears, led by the gleam

Of her own dying smile instead of eyes,

Came in slow pomp; -the moving pomp might seem

Like pageantry of mist on an autumnal stream.

All he had loved, and moulded into thought,

From shape, and hue, and odour, and sweet sound,

Lamented Adonais. Morning sought

Her eastern watch-tower, and her hair unbound,

Wet with the tears which should adorn the ground,

Dimmed the aereal eyes that kindle day;

Afar the melancholy thunder moaned,

Pale Ocean in unquiet slumber lay,

And the wild Winds flew round, sobbing in their dismay.

Lost Echo sits amid the voiceless mountains,

And feeds her grief with his remembered lay,

And will no more reply to winds or fountains,

Or amorous birds perched on the young green spray,

Or herdsman's horn, or bell at closing day;

Since she can mimic not his lips, more dear

Than those for whose disdain she pined away

Into a shadow of all sounds: -a drear

Murmur, between their songs, is all the woodmen hear.

Grief made the young Spring wild, and she threw down

Her kindling buds, as if she Autumn were,

Or they dead leaves; since her delight is flown,

For whom should she have waked the sullen year?

To Phoebus was not Hyacinth so dear

Nor to himself Narcissus, as to both

Thou, Adonais: wan they stand and sere

Amid the faint companions of their youth,

With dew all turned to tears; odour, to sighing ruth.

Thy spirit's sister, the lorn nightingale

Mourns not her mate with such melodious pain;

Not so the eagle, who like thee could scale

Heaven, and could nourish in the sun's domain

Her mighty youth with morning, doth complain,

Soaring and screaming round her empty nest,

As Albion wails for thee: the curse of Cain

Light on his head who pierced thy innocent breast,

And scared the angel soul that was its earthly guest!

Ah, woe is me! Winter is come and gone,

But grief returns with the revolving year;

The airs and streams renew their joyous tone;

The ants, the bees, the swallows reappear;

Fresh leaves and flowers deck the dead Season's bier;

The amorous birds now pair in every brake,

And build their mossy homes in field and brere;

And the green lizard, and the golden snake,

Like unimprisoned flames, out of their trance awake.

Through wood and stream and field and hill and Ocean

A quickening life from the Earth's heart has burst

As it has ever done, with change and motion,

From the great morning of the world when first

God dawned on Chaos; in its stream immersed,

The lamps of Heaven flash with a softer light;

All baser things pant with life's sacred thirst;

Diffuse themselves; and spend in love's delight

The beauty and the joy of their renewed might.

The leprous corpse, touched by this spirit tender,

Exhales itself in flowers of gentle breath;

Like incarnations of the stars, when splendour

Is changed to fragrance, they illumine death

And mock the merry worm that wakes beneath;

Nought we know, dies. Shall that alone which knows

Be as a sword consumed before the sheath

By sightless lightning? -the intense atom glows

A moment, then is quenched in a most cold repose.

Alas! that all we loved of him should be,

But for our grief, as if it had not been,

And grief itself be mortal! Woe is me!

Whence are we, and why are we? of what scene

The actors or spectators? Great and mean

Meet massed in death, who lends what life must borrow.

As long as skies are blue, and fields are green,

Evening must usher night, night urge the morrow,

Month follow month with woe, and year wake year to sorrow.

He will awake no more, oh, never more!

"Wake thou," cried Misery, "childless Mother, rise

Out of thy sleep, and slake, in thy heart's core,

A wound more fierce than his with tears and sighs."

And all the Dreams that watched Urania's eyes,

And all the Echoes whom their sister's song

Had held in holy silence, cried: "Arise!"

Swift as a Thought by the snake Memory stung,

From her ambrosial rest the fading Splendour sprung.

She rose like an autumnal Night, that springs

Our of the East, and follows wild and drear

The golden Day, which, on eternal wings,

Even as a ghost abandoning a bier,

Had left the Earth a corpse. Sorrow and fear

So struck, so roused, so rapt Urania;

So saddened round her like an atmosphere

Of stormy mist; so swept her on her way

Even to the mournful place where Adonais lay.

Our of her secret Paradise she sped,

Through camps and cities rough with stone, and steel,

And human hearts, which to her aery tread

Yielding not, wounded the invisible

Palms of her tender feet where'er they fell:

And barbed tongues, and thoughts more sharp than they,

Rent the soft Form they never could repel,

Whose sacred blood, like the young tears of May,

Paved with eternal flowers that undeserving way.

In the death-chamber for a moment Death,

Shamed by the presence of that living Might,

Blushed to annihilation, and the breath

Revisited those lips, and Life's pale light

Flashed through those limbs, so late her dear delight.

"Leave me not wild and drear and comfortless,

As silent lightning leaves the starless night!

Leave me not!" cried Urania: her distress

Roused Death: Death rose and smiled, and met her vain caress.

"'Stay yet awhile! speak to me once again;

Kiss me, so long but as a kiss may live;

And in my heartless breast and burning brain

That word, that kiss, shall all thoughts else survive,

With food of saddest memory kept alive,

Now thou art dead, as if it were a part

Of thee, my Adonais! I would give

All that I am to be as thou now art!

But I am chained to Time, and cannot thence depart!

"O gentle child, beautiful as thou wert,

Why didst thou leave the trodden paths of men

Too soon, and with weak hands though mighty heart

Dare the unpastured dragon in his den?

Defenceless as thou wert, oh, where was then

Wisdom the mirrored shield, or scorn the spear?

Or hadst thou waited the full cycle, when

Thy spirit should have filled its crescent sphere,

The monsters of life's waste had fled from thee like deer.

"The herded wolves, bold only to pursue;

The obscene ravens, clamorous o'er the dead;

The vultures to the conqueror's banner true

Who feed where Desolation first has fed,

And whose wings rain contagion; -how they fled,

When, like Apollo, from his golden bow

The Pythian of the age one arrow sped

And smiled! -The spoilers tempt no second blow,

They fawn on the proud feet that spurn them lying low.

"The sun comes forth, and many reptiles spawn;

He sets, and each ephemeral insect then

Is gathered into death without a dawn,

And the immortal stars awake again;

So is it in the world of living men:

A godlike mind soars forth, in its delight

Making earth bare and veiling heaven, and when

It sinks, the swarms that dimmed or shared its light

Leave to its kindred lamps the spirit's awful night."

Thus ceased she: and the mountain shepherds came,

Their garlands sere, their magic mantles rent;

The Pilgrim of Eternity, whose fame

Over his living head like Heaven is bent,

An early but enduring monument,

Came, veiling all the lightnings of his song

In sorrow; from her wilds Irene sent

The sweetest lyrist of her saddest wrong,

And Love taught Grief to fall like music from his tongue.

Midst others of less note, came one frail Form,

A phantom among men; companionless

As the last cloud of an expiring storm

Whose thunder is its knell; he, as I guess,

Had gazed on Nature's naked loveliness,

Actaeon-like, and now he fled astray

With feeble steps o'er the world's wilderness,

And his own thoughts, along that rugged way,

Pursued, like raging hounds, their father and their prey.

A pardlike Spirit beautiful and swift -

A Love in desolation masked; -a Power

Girt round with weakness; -it can scarce uplift

The weight of the superincumbent hour;

It is a dying lamp, a falling shower,

A breaking billow; -even whilst we speak

Is it not broken? On the withering flower

The killing sun smiles brightly: on a cheek

The life can burn in blood, even while the heart may break.

His head was bound with pansies overblown,

And faded violets, white, and pied, and blue;

And a light spear topped with a cypress cone,

Round whose rude shaft dark ivy-tresses grew

Yet dripping with the forest's noonday dew,

Vibrated, as the ever-beating heart

Shook the weak hand that grasped it; of that crew

He came the last, neglected and apart;

A herd-abandoned deer struck by the hunter's dart.

All stood aloof, and at his partial moan

Smiled through their tears; well knew that gentle band

Who in another's fate now wept his own,

As in the accents of an unknown land

He sung new sorrow; sad Urania scanned

The Stranger's mien, and murmured: "Who art thou?"

He answered not, but with a sudden hand

Made bare his branded and ensanguined brow,

Which was like Cain's or Christ's -oh! that it should be so!

What softer voice is hushed over the dead?

Athwart what brow is that dark mantle thrown?

What form leans sadly o'er the white death-bed,

In mockery of monumental stone,

The heavy heart heaving without a moan?

If it be He, who, gentlest of the wise,

Taught, soothed, loved, honoured the departed one,

Let me not vex, with inharmonious sighs,

The silence of that heart's accepted sacrifice.

Our Adonais has drunk poison -oh!

What deaf and viperous murderer could crown

Life's early cup with such a draught of woe?

The nameless worm would now itself disown:

It felt, yet could escape, the magic tone

Whose prelude held all envy, hate, and wrong,

But what was howling in one breast alone,

Silent with expectation of the song,

Whose master's hand is cold, whose silver lyre unstrung.

Live thou, whose infamy is not thy fame!

Live! fear no heavier chastisement from me,

Thou noteless blot on a remembered name!

But be thyself, and know thyself to be!

And ever at thy season be thou free

To spill the venom when thy fangs o'erflow:

Remorse and Self-contempt shall cling to thee;

Hot Shame shall burn upon thy secret brow,

And like a beaten hound tremble thou shalt -as now.

Nor let us weep that our delight is fled

Far from these carrion kites that scream below;

He wakes or sleeps with the enduring dead;

Thou canst not soar where he is sitting now -

Dust to the dust! but the pure spirit shall flow

Back to the burning fountain whence it came,

A portion of the Eternal, which must glow

Through time and change, unquenchably the same,

Whilst thy cold embers choke the sordid hearth of shame.

Peace, peace! he is not dead, he doth not sleep -

He hath awakened from the dream of life -

'Tis we, who lost in stormy visions, keep

With phantoms an unprofitable strife,

And in mad trance, strike with our spirit's knife

Invulnerable nothings. -We decay

Like corpses in a charnel; fear and grief

Convulse us and consume us day by day,

And cold hopes swarm like worms within our living clay.

He has outsoared the shadow of our night;

Envy and calumny and hate and pain,

And that unrest which men miscall delight,

Can touch him not and torture not again;

From the contagion of the world's slow stain

He is secure, and now can never mourn

A heart grown cold, a head grown grey in vain;

Nor, when the spirit's self has ceased to burn,

With sparkless ashes load an unlamented urn.

He lives, he wakes -'tis Death is dead, not he;

Mourn not for Adonais. -Thou young Dawn,

Turn all thy dew to splendour, for from thee

The spirit thou lamentest is not gone;

Ye caverns and ye forests, cease to moan!

Cease, ye faint flowers and fountains, and thou Air

Which like a mourning veil thy scarf hadst thrown

O'er the abandoned Earth, now leave it bare

Even to the joyous stars which smile on its despair!

He is made one with Nature: there is heard

His voice in all her music, from the moan

Of thunder, to the song of night's sweet bird;

He is a presence to be felt and known

In darkness and in light, from herb and stone,

Spreading itself where'er that Power may move

Which has withdrawn his being to its own;

Which wields the world with never-wearied love,

Sustains it from beneath, and kindles it above.

He is a portion of the loveliness

Which once he made more lovely: he doth bear

His part, while the one Spirit's plastic stress

Sweeps through the dull dense world, compelling there

All new successions to the forms they wear;

Torturing th' unwilling dross that checks its flight

To its own likeness, as each mass may bear;

And bursting in its beauty and its might

From trees and beasts and men into the Heavens' light.

The splendours of the firmament of time

May be eclipsed, but are extinguished not;

Like stars to their appointed height they climb,

And death is a low mist which cannot blot

The brightness it may veil. When lofty thought

Lifts a young heart above its mortal lair,

And love and life contend in it, for what

Shall be its earthly doom, the dead live there

And move like winds of light on dark and stormy air.

The inheritors of unfulfilled renown

Rose from their thrones, built beyond mortal thought,

Far in the Unapparent. Chatterton

Rose pale, -his solemn agony had not

Yet faded from him; Sidney, as he fought

And as he fell and as he lived and loved

Sublimely mild, a Spirit without spot,

Arose; and Lucan, by his death approved:

Oblivion as they rose shrank like a thing reproved.

And many more, whose names on Earth are dark,

But whose transmitted effluence cannot die

So long as fire outlives the parent spark,

Rose, robed in dazzling immortality.

"Thou art become as one of us," they cry,

"It was for thee yon kingless sphere has long

Swung blind in unascended majesty,

Silent alone amid an Heaven of Song.

Assume thy winged throne, thou Vesper of our throng!"

Who mourns for Adonais? Oh, come forth,

Fond wretch! and know thyself and him aright.

Clasp with thy panting soul the pendulous Earth;

As from a centre, dart thy spirit's light

Beyond all worlds, until its spacious might

Satiate the void circumference: then shrink

Even to a point within our day and night;

And keep thy heart light lest it make thee sink

When hope has kindled hope, and lured thee to the brink.

Or go to Rome, which is the sepulchre,

Oh, not of him, but of our joy: 'tis nought

That ages, empires, and religions there

Lie buried in the ravage they have wrought;

For such as he can lend, -they borrow not

Glory from those who made the world their prey;

And he is gathered to the kings of thought

Who waged contention with their time's decay,

And of the past are all that cannot pass away.

Go thou to Rome, -at once the Paradise,

The grave, the city, and the wilderness;

And where its wrecks like shattered mountains rise,

And flowering weeds, and fragrant copses dress

The bones of Desolation's nakedness

Pass, till the spirit of the spot shall lead

Thy footsteps to a slope of green access

Where, like an infant's smile, over the dead

A light of laughing flowers along the grass is spread;

And grey walls moulder round, on which dull Time

Feeds, like slow fire upon a hoary brand;

And one keen pyramid with wedge sublime,

Pavilioning the dust of him who planned

This refuge for his memory, doth stand

Like flame transformed to marble; and beneath,

A field is spread, on which a newer band

Have pitched in Heaven's smile their camp of death,

Welcoming him we lose with scarce extinguished breath.

Here pause: these graves are all too young as yet

To have outgrown the sorrow which consigned

Its charge to each; and if the seal is set,

Here, on one fountain of a mourning mind,

Break it not thou! too surely shalt thou find

Thine own well full, if thou returnest home,

Of tears and gall. From the world's bitter wind

Seek shelter in the shadow of the tomb.

What Adonais is, why fear we to become?

The One remains, the many change and pass;

Heaven's light forever shines, Earth's shadows fly;

Life, like a dome of many-coloured glass,

Stains the white radiance of Eternity,

Until Death tramples it to fragments. -Die,

If thou wouldst be with that which thou dost seek!

Follow where all is fled! -Rome's azure sky,

Flowers, ruins, statues, music, words, are weak

The glory they transfuse with fitting truth to speak.

Why linger, why turn back, why shrink, my Heart?

Thy hopes are gone before: from all things here

They have departed; thou shouldst now depart!

A light is passed from the revolving year,

And man, and woman; and what still is dear

Attracts to crush, repels to make thee wither.

The soft sky smiles, -the low wind whispers near:

'Tis Adonais calls! oh, hasten thither,

No more let Life divide what Death can join together.

That Light whose smile kindles the Universe,

That Beauty in which all things work and move,

That Benediction which the eclipsing Curse

Of birth can quench not, that sustaining Love

Which through the web of being blindly wove

By man and beast and earth and air and sea,

Burns bright or dim, as each are mirrors of

The fire for which all thirst, now beams on me,

Consuming the last clouds of cold mortality.

The breath whose might I have invoked in song

Descends on me; my spirit's bark is driven

Far from the shore, far from the trembling throng

Whose sails were never to the tempest given;

The massy earth and sphered skies are riven!

I am borne darkly, fearfully, afar;

Whilst, burning through the inmost veil of Heaven,

The soul of Adonais, like a star,

Beacons from the abode where the Eternal are.


	8. Chapter 8's name's 2 cool for you 2 view

**OMB!!!! I can't believe i FORGOT this story! And i had a chapter waiting and everything! D'oh!**

* * *

An ugly bald guy grinned weirdly and sort of lopsiddedlyish, and said in this way-too-cheerful voice "Hey! I'm Phillip! I'll be your guide for to-"

Completely pissed off with the way her life was turning out, Emmeline kicked him in the shin before he said anymore. "Yeah! You just keep walking!" Megan cried out as he hobbled about a centimetre an hour, shaking her fists and trying to look as threatening as she could, but being Megan and all... Well, Megan's like, as goth as you can get whilst still smiling and being ticklish, but she isn't very threatening. Serious. She'll go like "I'm sooooooo gonna punch you..." and she'll like, flick your arm weakly with her fist. No offence or nothin Meggle, but you're better off on the computer. :)

Megan tried to kick him, but only managed to lift her leg unaturally high and fall forwards onto the Phillip dude. "Ewwww..." she murmered, standing and brushing herself off. He was kincked out, at least. Then she saw a pointy thing poking out of his robes, all colourful and sparkly. She pulled it out and discovered... a notebook. It was pink, with coloured spots and spangles all over it. A fluffyful pink pen was jammed into the spiral spine thingy.

She sniffed and shoved it at Emmeline. "This is more your area of expertise."

As a thankyou, Emmeline slapped her and took the notebook.

Megan, Thingy, Thomas, Ashley an all those other peoples sat in a wide, wide circle. Lasha and Alex appeared suddenly, shrugging an awful lot. They all stared at Emmeline, who slowly opened the cover of the notebook. She flicked around a few pages, before asking, "Should we read it?"

They all exchanged shrugs and head tilts, until Thingy cried out, "YES! YES DAMMIT!!!"

She re-opened the book and read the first page.

_Once apon a time, a billion squillion years ago, a very prettyful girl called Jaemae was born. She was the prettiest girl EVER. This is her story..._

They all exchanged glances and gulps. Outside, thunder roared and lightning flickered. They put a candle in the middle of the circle, adding to the dramaticness. Almost in complete dark and shivering slightly, Emmeline handed the book to Megan, who was next to her. Twas decided that it would go round the circle, each reading a page, in the order of where they were sitting. After Megan it would be Lewis, Rachel, Kate, Jason, Damien, Ashley, Kevin, Christian, Thomas, Louise and Thingy. They screamed as a tall, pot-bellied figure slunk into the room.

It was Arya. They made room for her, between Ashley and Kevin, and Eragon entered too. He sat between Emmeline and Thingy, then Megan continued.

'_Twas a dark and stormy night..._

"OMG!! IT'S COMING TRUE!!!!!" screamed an over-dramatic and Roxas-lookalike, Thomas. I swear, somewhere in the world i could hear that Emily was sighing. MORE than a major crush there...

"Look, this notebook is creepy so we should just get it over with."

"No, i don't like it. Close the book, Megan!" Emmeline tried, but it was like an invisible book-closing-stopper-thingy had been wedged inside.

"I can't! It's like an invisible book-closing-stopper-thingy has been wedged inside! We must keep reading!"

_...and the beautiful girl Jaemae was sitting in her room, on a cosy couch, reading a horror book. Her dark hair was draped over her face, her purple eyes shining as she took in each word. Her pale hands grasped the cover of the book in wonder. She was, without doubt, the hottest girl ever._

"God, whoever wrote this sure likes this girl, huh?"

"Whatever!"

_A young man walked into the room, his hazel eyes shining dully._

"How can eyes shine dully?! That completely contradicts what she just said!"

"Whatever!"

_BLAH BAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!_

"Okay, Meggle? We KNOW this book is weird, but you don't needa blah it out!!"

"No, that's what it says. See?" she drew the candle closer and they looked at the paragraph her finger was pointing to. It litterally said blah blah blah. "Okay, i'm quitting this stupid story!!" Emmeline, Megan, Eragon, Alex and Lasha followed them out the door. They did a victory dance, glad they had left the cousins behind.

They went to Some Other Place (I haven't even told you where in Alagaesia they ARE!!) and sat at a table, utterly depressed. "Why is my life so utterly crap?"

"Meh-uh-uh." They realised they were no longer alone.

"Hey!!!" Arya called, like she was a FREIND or something... "Dear Bob, save us!!" Megan and Emmeline banged their heads on the table. Thingy laughed like a laughing Thingy. (How did SHE get there?!" Eragon looked SLIGHTLY DISGRUNTLED!!!, as did Thomas (Again!! HOW!!), and Ashley (IS THIS LIKE, COUSIN MAGIC?!) was very obviously in love. With Arya. He never has had much taste in girls... "How are you?" she asked while taking the spare seat next to Emmeline. "Genki jyanaidesu, since YOU got here..." She looked up, confuzzled. She OBVIOUSLY didn't speak Japanese. This was going to be fun... but not right now. She was too tired to think of any more insults. "I'm an equilateral triangle." Ashley said, totally stealing Emmeline's line. Arya giggled in a giggly way. In unison, Megan and Emmeline screamed "GET A ROOM!!!!!!!!!" they blushed, but went anyway. Thingy was still laughing mercilessly in the corner, as she had since Arya walked in. Eragon picked up his hunting gear and left too.

Thomas sat next to Thingy, confuzzled and alone, and so very, very Roxas-y. A muffled scream was heard. 'Oh shit!! Emily must be nearby!! Tom, run for your Roxas-y life!!!!!" He shrugged and made his fatal mistake. HE STAYED WHERE HE WAS.

Emily burst through the door. She squealed and jumped into his lap. This would have been painful, considering his sex. (Well, actually, since he looks like Roxas and we aren't one-hundred percent sure Roxas is a GUY, does that mean... oh shit, now i'm in trouble!!! running!) She dragged him to the table, probably planning some sort of torture (Truth, kiss or dare, football practise, Talking About Her Butt one of her fave subjects...shudder... )

She screamed in a girly way. He screamed in a girly way. I don't know WHY, that's just the effect my friends HAVE on people...

At that moment Ashley and Arya came in again, giggling like giggling things. Gick...

Megan slapped Ashley while Emmeline slapped Arya. Thomas slapped Emily and Emily slapped Thingy (who was still laughing) who slapped Tom. A whole bunch of people slapping each other didn't look too good when Eragon came in, dragging along with him Shaylee and Emma. No one noticed the new arrivals, they were all too busy slapping anyone they could reach. Shaylee, Eragon and Emma soon joined in and after a while Eddie and Freddy thought "Hell why not!!"

Okay, full Tragical story of Eddie and Freddy!!!

* * *

_One day, two happy little penguins gave birth to two cute little penguins. They were named Eddie and Freddy, and soon became Magical Penguins. Eddie was introduced to Emmeline's year seven class not so long ago, and became friends with all the boys and girls. Until the fateful day that Emily had custody of Freddy. She foolishly sat him on the seat next to her, whence Jan sat on poor, sweet Freddy, and crushed him unto oblivion. Eddie didn't find out until the afternoon. In all Eddie's depression and rage, he went on a cruise to Barbados, as we all do in times of greatest stress, to forget his sad and troubled life. But this year, Eddie came back. With a vengeance. He's still looking for the Freddy-killer (but lets not tell him it was Jan, who is my friend now) and was over the galaxy when we found Freddy, reincarnated as the froggy in the science room. The sticker on the tank says FRED, but it's SHORT for Freddy!!! _

_End of epic..._

* * *

So there was now a Slut (Arya) a Hott, Sexxy guy (Eragon), an Equilateral Triangle (Emmeline), a Roxas look-alike (Thomas), the Traitor (Ashley), a Laughing-maniac (Thingy), a Goth-Kisama (Megan), a Scary But Awesome girl (Shaylee) and a Weird And Completely Insane peep (Emma) all slapping each other, flailing and akimbo in a pile. They got quite bored of this after, oh a good few days, and were red, bloody and bruised. They crawled pethetically back to the room where the other cousins were reading still, their eyes bloodshot and wet. It was obviously an emotional experience. But once they had seen Arya, weak and unable to defend herself on the ground, they all screamed "KICK HER WHILE SHE'S DOWN!!!!!!!" and surrounded her. 


	9. Again, it has no name

**Okay, Meggle's cousins are gone now. To be honest, i was quite bored with them and they were only there in the first place cause i wanted to prove a point: Megan has too many cousins to be entirely healthy. I'd also like to say a biiiiiig "Yellow!" to Emily, who just joined fanfic! Yay, Emmy! Oh yeah, and i'm sorry for putting you in this story like i did, but it had to be done.**

* * *

"Why is Alagaesia so...boring?" Megan whispered with a sigh. "Quite honestly? No idea." Alex and Lasha replied. They were continuously disappearing and appearing again, but we feared them too much to say anything. "Maybe we could like, go back to where we're meant to be? Ya know, Earth?" She went on. Eragon said very sarcastically, "You know, i'm starting to get the hint you might not like where i live!" Emmeline gasped in shock. "Don't say such a thing! Of course we like it! We have interests in erm, hunting and...uhhh...elves and... uhhh..."

"Dragons." Lasha finished. "Yes! Exactly! It's just that we want to SHARE our experiences and life, seeing as you have welcomed us so...brilliantly!!" Emmeline cried. They all sat up, rather intruiged by this new revelation. They had been lying there saying random things and stontaneously breaking into tears for a few hours now. Or whatever the Alagaesian time measurements were... Now all they needed to do was find out how we actually GOT there. "Well, maybe we should find out how we actually GOT here. I always assumed we just LIVED here." Alex stated. "No, no, that's just where this story began!" Lasha screeched. Megan trumpeted with the gap between her front teeth, alerting everyone to her prescence. "Why don't we just ask Bob to go home?" They paused. Would it work? Would Bob say no? Would they get more chocolate? Eventually, after much shrugging and frowning and persuading with the last of the chocolate, they decided to try it.

"Holy Bob above, please let us speak with you!" Megan screamed to the sky. Lightning flashed and Bob's head appeared in the clouds. "Whadaya want?!" **((Ok, i should probably explain. The last school we went to was a catholic school, and we were blaspheming if we said God too often, so i started saying Bob and it kinda caught on...)) **"We've come to ask to go to our true home!" Bob pondered this, then clicked his finger and they were in Australia, sadly without Lasha and Alex. "Curse them!! They live in America!! At least we got Eragon!!" Megan, Emmeline, Eragon and Arya sat up and brushed themselves off. "MEGAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!! YOU BROUGHT ARYA WITH US!!!!!!!!!!!" Emmeline screamed at loud as possible. Arya smirked in a smirky way. "No, i just hid in the bushes and 'Bob' took me too."

This caused Emmelines' world to turn upside down, so i'll write like THIS!

* * *

_**Emmeline's POV (From now on!)**_

* * *

"I hate you soooo much right now." I said in barely more than a whisper. Her pointy face, pointy ears and blunt personality were really making me pissed. "Ok, so now we're in Australia with an elf i used to be in love with. What next." Eragon stated. "I just don't know. But i REFUSE to continue with Arya with us. She'll only make us more depressed and dead. Even more so then when i found out that Ed Speleers smoked and got drunk and had a Thai girlfriend called Amy, which totally screws my plans to send her on the next bus to Thailand to rot in the cornfields!!" I cried. "Yes, i'm sorry but it's true. I went on google yesterday and saw pictures. And some pictures of him in a funny construction worker hat, which if possible made me die more. I mean, it's one thing to get drunk and smoke and have a slutty girlfriend, but it's completely another to wear such an attrocious hat! And also, i heard he's only with Amy to have sex with her, which soo doesn't sound like Ed but-"

"Oh my Bob, would you just SHUT THE $$$$ UP!!!" Megan called out, actually crying now. I ran over to her. "Meggle! S'ok! I still LOVE him and all! It hasn't changed my perception of him, he's still the same ol' Ed and-" Megan wailed loudly and sniffled. I 'hmph'ed and took Eragon's arm, leading him off to where i assumed my house was, seeing as it was the only structure AROUND. I heard Arya scurrying along behind us, but ignored her. Let sleeping dogs lie, they say. "Sooo, you like...stuff?" I loved starting a conversation with this, it could lead me so many places. "Yeah, stuff is...good." Eragon replied. He was giving me a slightly strange side-ways look, so i started singing. "At first, when i see you cry, it makes me smile!! yeah, it makes me smile!!" I sung, trying to sing badly **((not hard)). **Eragon but in, "That isn't very nice." I glared at him. He was cute and sexxy and all, but he just didn't understand randomness. Sigh. "Well then, can i sing something different?"

"N-"

"Thanks!! HEY HEY!! YOU YOU!! I DONT LIKE YA GIRLFRIEND!! NO WAY!! NO WAY!! I THINK YA NEEDA NEW ONE!! HEY HEY!! YOU YOU!! I COULD BE YA GIRLFRIEND!!" Eragon sighed. Seeing that it pissed him off more than was entirely comfortable for my guilt, i stopped. Well, that and the fact we'd arrived. "Yep, this is my place. Pink curtains, big squishy carpet, sparkly stuff..."

"Oh, gods, is that a COMPUTER in the corner?!" Eragon cried. I had told him stories and epics about my beloved iMac, whom i lovingly dubbed Billiam, but never had he thought he'd live to see the day when they would meet. "Sure is! Here i wanna show you a great site, fanfiction!"

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**Short, but my creative muse is slowly becoming extinct. (the violin quartet are playing) But reviews always seem to help!!**


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Inheritance Cycle, Humor