Kuroko no Basuke/黒子のバスケ Sunsets and Silhouette Dreams

It hurt, really. He had a tendency to get so attached, to hold on so tightly to someone he knew he would never be able to have. It almost felt like, with each breath he even took when in his presence, Kuroko Tetsuya would have his heart torn out in a particularly gruesome way. He'd only felt it once before, a very long time ago. It was funny, almost, how the shadow grew so attached to the light. It took only a couple of happy grins and victorious laughs and one-armed hugs for Kuroko to fall, and fall hard. He fell so hard that when he inevitably hit the bottom, he absolutely _shattered_.

He could deal with rejection, no matter how much it hurt. Rejection was a fact of life, wasn't it? It had to happen to everyone at least once. He could deal with, even, telling him and the other saying no! But he didn't even get a chance to tell him, did he?

Aomine abandoned him. Left him completely and utterly on his own. He could only rely on himself, he said. Less chance for error- and Kuroko couldn't keep up, anyway. The poor boy barely opened his mouth to say the quick words- "I think I love you, Aomine-kun"- before Aomine (_his_ Aomine!) was scoffing and walking off of the court for the rest of the game.

And, really, that was the end of it.

Everything should be said and done now, right? Aomine was really the only one Kuroko had considered before- Momoi-san was nice, of course, but he did feel himself leaning towards those of a male persuasion- and he was outright rejected. Though, could he be rejected if he never said anything? Was there another term for it?

Well, maybe there was. It didn't matter, though. It hurt, obviously, but…

He could move on and get on with his life.

You know, be something that isn't a sap clutching his heart in romantic pain? It would be easy enough to do. He didn't feel that spark that everyone else talked about.

He walked into high school with his head held high and decided that he would make do.

Until Kagami showed up.

Kagami Taiga had the same air about him as those from Kuroko's childhood. He was arrogant and tall, and oh-so bored. He looked perpetually finished with the world around him.

He was good at basketball, too. Not great. Not yet, probably. Just good.

Just good.

He did have a lot of spirit, though. He wanted to make himself become great, and he would reach any lengths to reach it. The minute he heard of the Generation of Miracles, he wanted to defeat them.

And the moment he spoke, Kuroko felt a flash of familiarity, a pang in his heart, and he aligned himself with Kagami while barely thinking. Without even stopping to consider the consequences, he stood himself next to Kagami Taiga, a light in the darkness, and once again contented himself to becoming a shadow.

Kagami improved. God, did he improve. He had to, in order to even attempt combatting the Generation of Miracles the way that he did.

He couldn't hold his own against Aomine yet. That was quite obvious. He had to be pulled out midway through the game to settle on the bench and growl, leaving Kuroko standing across from his first love.

In that respect, it hurt like hell. It wasn't just the fact that he knew he would lose- even if that was a large part of it-, but it was the throbbing in his chest that erupted whenever the other would talk about how weak he truly was.

It made him angry. Angry at who, he didn't know, or understand really. He was just angry, so angry that he couldn't quite really comprehend it. Who exactly gave Aomine Daiki the right to act this way? After all he had done, how much Kuroko had even improved (he could walk through the hallways of school just fine, he'll have you know)? It wasn't right, wasn't fair.

And it had nothing to do with that heartbreak.

And as Kagami got better, Kuroko did too. He aimed higher for himself, tried to develop a style of his own. He had to improve himself, for nobody _but_ himself.

But he did almost lose his light again.

It was right after the game with Aomine's school. Only a few minutes, in the locker room after everyone else left. Kagami was moving to leave as well before pausing on the lonely bench that Kuroko sat on. He said something, of course. Something that Kuroko had admittedly forgotten, or selectively blocked from his memory. It grabbed his heart and tore at it, not unlike how it was before. It was almost like when Aomine just left.

Of course, Kagami and Kuroko proverbially kissed and made up, but not until Kagami told Kuroko to stop passing to him, until Kuroko nearly felt himself sob of heartbreak, and not until he tried to make a new type of basketball for just himself.

It was funny. This was how he'd reacted to Aomine, wasn't it? But Kuroko wasn't in love with Kagami like he was- _past tense- _with Aomine. They were just friends, weren't they? That was all they were. All that they ever really would be.

Though, to be honest, he did show many of the "symptoms" of being in love. He thought about his dear Kagami-kun a bit more than should be legal, found himself almost unable to speak in his presence at times, and even dreamt of him every now and again.

His dreams were rarely explicit- though that sort did come up every now and again, images of himself panting and moaning under Kagami, breaths of rushed English phrases and the barest moans for any sort of contact and the _feeling_, the barest brushes of hands grazing over his body and-

Most of the time, they _weren't_ pornographic.

In fact, they tended towards the tamer side: walking home from practice with hands intertwined, or a lazy day on the couch, watching a movie that Kuroko couldn't quite remember. There was a recurring one that involved a plain dinner, like usual. Eating out at Maji Burger. Kagami would toss over a couple of fries and Kuroko would happily slurp at his shake and they'd sit _next _to each other, holding hands under the table. And this would last for some length of time, until Kuroko woke up with the taste of vanilla in his mouth and hand clenched slightly and an almost numb kind of loss throughout his chest.

It wasn't real, and it was so unlikely that it would become so that it was nearly laughable. And Kuroko knew he would be able to move on.

Or, he _should_ be able to move on.

Kagami wasn't making it any easier to drop the crush. There were the exuberant grins, which were normal. There were the hugs, after a victorious game, which lasted a little longer than was socially correct. There were the increasing amounts of food given to him at Maji Burger from Kagami. The glances given to him out of the corner of Kagami's eye that he probably thought Kuroko didn't notice. The way Kagami took to following him like a puppy, almost like absorbing his every move.

Hell. If Kuroko didn't know better, he would say that Kagami was in love with him.

But he _did_ know better. There was no way that Kagami could be in love with him! Kuroko was confident in himself, of course, but there were so many people that would be _better_. And besides, was he even gay? Because, judging by how he watched Momoi-san…

He couldn't be. He absolutely couldn't be.

Then, what _was_ the explanation for those glances and the smiles and the touches that sparked both joy and pain in his chest?

They still played together, and hung out as normal. Kuroko pretended not to notice the looks and graciously took the food Kagami gave him, and curled up his bed and went to sleep at night and pretended that he was being held by someone.

That kind of made him a sap, didn't it?

But things went about as normal. Until, of course, that one day.

A plain, simple day. No games. No tournaments. Practice, after which Kuroko could go to the burger place with Kagami, could walk home, could go to sleep just as usual. It was _routine_. And that was the joy in it, was it not?

Just shoot. Aim a shot. Try and get it into the hole.

Absolutely fail to get it into the hole.

Well, not everybody can be perfect.

Except for, he dumbly noted, his Kagami-kun. Who was hanging on the edge of the court for once, almost anxiously bouncing, like something was on his mind. Kuroko dully noted that he hadn't looked that focused since their last game. He was looking at _him_, so closely that it made him flush a bit. Against his better judgement, he walked over. He was just trying to shoot a little, and he felt he needed to get out of the chaos around him for just a little bit.

Kagami looked shocked that Kuroko even came, and he gave a surprised- and dare he say _timid_- little smile as he drew nearer.

"What ever happened to shooting?"

Kuroko didn't say anything in response at first. All he really did was stand in front of Kagami, glancing up and down him. After a moment- that was probably too long- he spoke in a typical deadpan. "You were watching me."

Kagami laughed- a sharp thing, as it usually was, but there was still _something_ different about it. "Is there something wrong with that?"

"No," Kuroko said, almost carefully. "It's just. Odd."

"Odd?"

"I believe so."

Kagami laughed again, and shrugged, making no real motion to move- or even glance away. If it were anyone else, looking at him the way he was, he probably would have been uncomfortable. But it _wasn't_ anyone else, and the look made him almost feel important. Something more than a mere shadow that was meant to just trail behind everything.

(He never complained about his position, of course, seeing as it made him more comfortable period. Still, it was _nice_ to be noticed by _someone_ at times.)

He couldn't help himself. He blushed a little.

Kagami didn't look like he noticed, though, for he just spoke on. "Is that odd in a good way, or odd in a bad way?"

There was only a moment of hesitation before Kuroko spoke again, very slowly. "A… Good way."

A look of what may have been relief shone on Kagami's face, and he stepped forwards a little. "Well, that's… Good. It'd probably suck if it was odd in a bad way."

"Probably," Kuroko agreed. He noted that something still felt wrong, that it was too stiff. Too awkward. It wasn't supposed to be awkward- at least not _this_ awkward. It was wrong, much too wrong. And Kagami was still moving towards him. It was slow, as if he was trying desperately to hold himself back. Kuroko felt himself turn to panic. What was wrong? What was happening? Did he, along the line, somehow mess up? What could he _possibly_ mess up in a magnitude this large? In a way to make Kagami's _mannerisms_ completely different?

It should be impossible.

He was positive that his panic didn't show on his face, but Kagami still moved, almost delicately brushing a hand over Kuroko's cheek. Kuroko jumped a little in shock at the feeling, glancing at it out of the corner of his eye. It was tanned and almost stark against the pallor of Kuroko's own skin.

And it sent a shiver down his spine and nearly made him gasp. But he was better than that. He just swallowed a bit and watched Kagami brush a thumb over his cheekbone, trying to keep his eyes locked onto the other's. It wasn't too difficult, really.

Kagami spoke then, and it was quieter than Kuroko ever recalled hearing him. "I saw this in a movie once. Is it working?"

"Wh-!" As Kuroko tried to speak, Kagami leaned forwards the rest of the way, and delicately pressed their lips together.

Kissing. They were kissing. Kagami was kissing him. Kagami was kissing him and it made his entire body flush and spark in odd ways. Kuroko only hesitated for a moment before he stood up a little taller and, very slowly, kissed him back.

And, for just a moment, everything was okay. It was beautiful, brilliant. This was all he had really wanted in anything. He was kissing Kagami! What more could he ask for.

But then the murmur of people around them dimmed and quiet, basketballs and sneakers stopped thudding against the ground, and Kuroko suddenly was acutely aware of everything around him.

He probably should _not_ be kissing Kagami Taiga.

Regretfully, and almost too quickly, Kuroko pulled away. Kagami blinked a few times, as if dazed, before shaking his head and trying to find himself.

Before he could even think, he was talking again. His panic was almost assuredly on his face now, and he tried to step back a bit, to almost get away from Kagami.

It wasn't that he didn't like kissing Kagami. No, he actually adored it, with every fiber of his being. He just… He couldn't kiss him. It wasn't supposed to happen, he wasn't supposed to be this close to him. He loved him, he did with all his heart, but there was too much margin for error. There was too much room to fuck up!

He could fuck up and lose everything. Lose his Kagami, lose his best friend and his love and he couldn't deal with it again. No matter _what_ he said, he absolutely couldn't. He told himself that he wouldn't get attached, and then look what happened!

"I. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Ka-Kagami-kun. Really, I am. But I, I can't. I can't do… I'm sorry. Really, I'm sorry."

He tried to stumble backwards as he stumbled over his apologies. Meanwhile, Kagami stepped back as well, immediately putting his hands in the air. He could see the look on his face, hurt blended with confusion, and he hated it.

He hated it with every fiber of his being.

Kagami spoke, quietly. He probably didn't want to startle him, to be perfectly honest. The idea made Kuroko's heart hurt. "Are you okay? Kuroko, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"N-no," Kuroko gasped it out, shaking his head and stepping back again. They were staring at him- everyone in the gym was staring at _him_, and he never felt so horrible. His heart was fluttering and his head was spinning and he tried his hardest to just focus on _Kagami_, but it was too hard to even consider doing anything because of everyone just staring at him.

He had to get out. He had to get out of this gym, get away from everyone.

"K-Kuroko-kun-"

"Kuroko!"

"What's going on?"

"I'm sorry," Kagami breathed it out, his hands still in the air.

Everyone was talking all at once, trying to get his attention. They wanted him so badly, it seemed, but it wouldn't work. It couldn't work, he had to-

With a hurried shout of "I have to go", he turned on his heel and darted out of the gym.

Where he was going, he wasn't entirely sure. He just had to leave the stares- judging him, probably because of the scene he made. He messed up so badly, but it was for a good cause, wasn't it?

He couldn't let Kagami do that. He couldn't date Kagami-kun. He absolutely could not. It would only work out poorly.

There was simply too much room for error.

And what would happen if they happened to split in that way? If they got together and then broke up… Kuroko didn't think he could put himself through a second heartbreak like that, as shitty and desperate as it sounded. He already nearly lost Kagami once, saw him become something akin to Aomine.

Kagami could turn into Aomine. Angry and selfish, only caring about himself and his own amusement.

Kuroko found himself shuddering a bit, shaking his head and hurrying on. Generous Kagami turning into Aomine…

The thought made him sick to his stomach.

There were people- at least one- running after him. It was funny, almost, how he'd expected it. He did kind of make a scene, didn't he? It only made sense that people would want to get him back, at least a little bit.

Still, the person yelling only made him run faster, faster than he ever would have expected from himself.

Kuroko ended up on the roof of the school. The air was cool around him, and it did serve to calm him down. He was alone, as it really should be. All by himself, where nobody could see him. Wasn't it the life?

He sat down easily near the door that lead there, hanging his head between his knees and just _sighing_. He made such a fuss. How could he even bother to face the team after this? What would he do? What would he say?

Hell, what would he say to Kagami? Was he just supposed to pretend it didn't happen? What was the protocol for being kissed by your best friend?

What was the protocol for being kissed in general?

This was terrible. He shouldn't be freaking out so much over this. He swore to himself that he wouldn't let himself get worked up over a relationship. That he wouldn't cry over a boy after Aomine and that he wouldn't let himself get his heart broken and-

Were those footsteps?

He jolted slightly as the door next to him opened, and glanced over as it did.

Kagami didn't notice him at first. That was, blessedly, normal. Kuroko held his breath and closed his eyes and willed with every fiber of his being that he would _not_ be seen, because he couldn't deal with this now. Not yet.

There was a sigh, that was almost disappointed, and more footsteps. After that, everything was quiet. Kuroko slowly opened his eyes, almost convinced that Kagami had left.

He took just a moment to glance around, and almost jumped out of his skin when he saw the tanned figure sitting easily next to him.

"K-Kagami-kun! How long have you been there?!"

There must have been some irony in it, because Kagami laughed. A lot. "I've been here the whole time."

Kuroko shifted, almost uncomfortably before glancing away, out at the roof. Really, anywhere but at Kagami.

He probably noticed of course. He was looking at him again, in the way that someone else might their favorite television show. It made Kuroko's heart throb, just slightly.

They sat in silence for a long time, it felt like. Twenty minutes, perhaps? The sun was hanging lower and lower in the sky, and the sky was tainted a light pink as time moved on.

Kuroko didn't really notice when Kagami spoke at first. It was quiet, almost gentle. His voice had a raw kind of emotion to it, something that he didn't remember hearing before.

"Was… Was I out of line?"

"What?"

He finally looked back at the other to meet his eyes, flushing just slightly under the scrutiny. Kagami looked almost deadly serious, and to say that he was a little uncomfortable may be an understatement.

Kagami spoke a little louder now, probably to keep Kuroko's attention- as if he could tear away from those eyes.

"Kissing you. Was it out of line to kiss you?"

Kuroko paused for just a moment, obviously staring at Kagami. Did he feel bad about it? But… why?

Kagami answered soon enough, of course, hurrying along more words than probably possible for him before Kuroko could even think about speaking.

"You jumped away like I hurt you or somethin'. I mean, it's okay if I did! Well, no. No, it really isn't. But you can tell me. I shouldn't have done what- at least, not without asking you or something. It just kind of happened- I told you I saw it in a movie, right? Kise lent it to me, actually. The only one I _don't_ regret going to for romantic advice. But, it wasn't right. And you freaked out and I'm really sorry for doin' that to you."

The smaller couldn't help but stare, of course. It was something he hadn't even expected, and it was something that he could barely comprehend. Kagami continued talking along that line, and the repetition at least gave him a chance to think.

He meant to do it, obviously. Kagami had intended on kissing him. That was obvious by the even action. But he looked so worried about the result, even more worried than Kuroko probably would have had he been in that situation.

He thought that it was _his_ fault that Kuroko rushed off. That he didn't want to kiss him. Did he not see him kissing him back? Or…

"K-Kagami-kun."

Kagami, obviously, didn't notice the speech at first- just kept on talking in that rushed tone, as if he had too many things to say and not enough time to say it. This was routine. It was a bit of a comfort.

Still, though… That wasn't really what how a heartfelt conversation was supposed to go.

"Kagami-kun."

The other jolted slightly, shaking his head as he seemed to notice that Kuroko was trying to speak to him.

"Sorry. What?"

It took a moment for Kuroko to gather his words, and a little longer for him to get his voice steady enough to simply speak the way he usually did.

"…You think it's your fault."

Kagami paused as if he couldn't believe it, staring at him with a confused air. "…It isn't?"

If he had been someone else, he would have laughed.

"No. No, of… Of course not. Why would it be your fault?"

"You… Kind of… You ran off."

The poor boy was obviously confused. Kuroko probably would have been, too, honestly. But _he_ knew what he was talking about, so he kind of had to explain himself now.

This would be fun.

Of course, that was being sarcastic.

He adjusted his posture, finally tearing his eyes away from Kagami's to almost look over his shoulder. "…That wasn't because I didn't like the kiss."

"Then wha- Wait," Some look that could be classified as relief crossed the redhead's face, and he kind of sighed, failing to keep the eagerness out of his tone. "Does that mean you liked it?"

Kuroko didn't hesitate before nodding, just barely looking at his Kagami. "…Of course I liked it, Kagami-kun. I liked it very much."

Kagami _grinned_, and the completely pleased feeling, the idea that everything would be okay and that feeling of pure elation in his heart sparked again. The metaphor of a sun ran through his head, and he almost felt it accurate.

Almost? No, it _was_ accurate. His Kagami was the sun, the closest star, fiery and bright and the only source of warmth for a desolate planet in the middle of some lonely star system.

And, as long as that smile was there, he felt like he could do anything.

But, of course, it fell nearly a moment later into something of much more concern, and Kuroko's world seemed to crash along with it. Kagami was worried about something- presumably him, of course. He didn't want to see that look on his face. Not ever.

He was speaking again, and Kuroko desperately tried to pull himself in again.

"Then why did you..?" He trailed off, but Kuroko knew full well what he meant.

And so he glanced away once more, trying to avoid Kagami's gaze and clearing his throat and just sighing, very softly.

"…I can't."

His words were simple, and the other started a bit in shock, staring at him with wide eyes.

"…You can't?"

Kuroko nodded. "I can't."

"…You can't what?"

He hesitated.

"…Kuroko? Are you okay?"

Some emotion was probably showing on his face again, and he tried his damn hardest not to look back at him. He took a very deep breath to stabilize himself again before, very slowly, nodding.

"I… I can't do any of it. I-I'm sorry, Kagami-kun. I like you. I like you a lot. But. I… I can't kiss you, and I can't date you."

It was quite simple, but it still tripped Kagami up, judging by the look on his face. The boy wasn't the brightest bulb in the box, of course, so Kuroko could forgive that. He clarified himself before Kagami could even think of opening his mouth.

"It's… Th-there's a good reason behind it, of course. It's for your own good, you see. You don't date your best friend. It's a recipe for some disaster."

"Huh?" Kagami looked skeptical, raising an eyebrow and everything. He didn't understand.

Kuroko finally got it in himself to look back at Kagami's face, trying to keep cool. He knew, though, that his eyes shone with something fierce and his face was flushed- in disappointment or determination, he didn't know.

"You know that most couples formed in high school break up, right? They don't last until their third year. …What if that would happen to us?" He waited a moment, as if for an answer, before shaking his head and continuing on. "If we were to break up… Wh-what would happen? Do you remember what happened after our match with Aomine-kun? We… We nearly split up as partners." He spoke faster now, almost nervously, forcing himself to look away from Kagami again to hold back some sort of emotion. "What would happen to Seirin if we split up like that again? It'd be awkward if we _were_ to continue on playing the way that we do, so I doubt that we would. Seirin would collapse."

He paused again, almost dramatically, before shaking his head once more and swallowing thickly against some emotion he didn't know. "And us… What would happen? To us as people? We wouldn't only be losing a romantic partner, but a close friend as well."

"Are you really afraid of all that?"

Kagami spoke as Kuroko paused to take a breath, and the smaller jumped in shock as he did.

There was just the barest hint of some sick amusement in his tone, and when Kuroko glanced back, he saw that the other's face was nearly deadly serious. _He_ was deadly serious.

Kuroko nodded after a long moment, swallowing thickly. "A…Aren't you?"

There was a moment of silence before Kagami shrugged, looking away from Kuroko to face the darkening skyline. "I can't say I haven't thought about it. What would happen if this all happened and we broke up. …But I don't think I'm worried about it."

Kuroko felt like screaming. How could he not worry about it? Losing his best friend seemed worse than losing a lover.

Did ordinary people just not worry about it?

"And I really think…" Kagami laughed slightly, glancing at Kuroko again. "…If we did break up, nothing would change."

"…You think so?" Kuroko managed, looking away from Kagami to look at the sky with him.

"You aren't the type to go back on a promise, are you?"

"…What do you mean?"

"You said that we'd beat the Generation of Miracles together, didn't you?"

"W-well… Well, yes. Yes, I did."

"And did you really think that it would change if we broke up?"

To be honest, he almost forgot about the promise. He didn't really say anything about it, but he knew that Kagami was laughing, very softly.

He flushed a bit in embarrassment and mumbled that no, he didn't think it would change.

Kagami laughed again.

And it was genuine.

They were both quiet for a long time, as the sun sunk lower and lower to mix even warmer colors into the sky. Was Kagami waiting for him to say something, perhaps? It would make sense. But, honestly, he wasn't all too sure of _what_ to say.

And so they sat in silence. It was comfortable, easily, but a little heavy. It felt like he _should_ say something.

Kagami took the initiative, as he'd been doing a lot that day. He said something, voice slow, tone almost reverent. It felt like he was speaking to someone much more important than just _him_. Kuroko couldn't understand what he said, though.

"…Kagami-kun, I don't speak English."

There was just a moment of silence before Kagami laughed. Then he went back to something that Kuroko could understand much easier.

"It was just nothing. Me being sappy."

And then they lapsed back into silence, just for a minute or so.

"Erm… Hey, Kuroko?"

He glanced back at him, out of the corner of his eye.

"…Yes, Kagami-kun?"

"…We're okay, right? Since we settled everything like that?"

Kuroko paused just a moment before nodding, finding himself scooting slightly towards Kagami while barely looking at him. "Yes. Yes, we're okay."

"That's good." A pause. "Hey, Kuroko?"

"Yes, Kagami-kun?"

"…Would you _mind_ dating me? Even if we end up breaking up or something like that?"

He paused.

"…I would consider it, yes."

"That's good."

Kagami looped an arm around Kuroko's shoulder, and Kuroko found himself leaning into his hold.

"…Hey. Tetsuya?"

Tetsuya. It sounded nice in Kagami's voice. Much different than the singsong "Kurokocchi" or the slow "Tetsu-chin" or even the same word, but in a cooler tone. Kagami made it sound like something special, to be held and nourished and cherished.

He paused for just a moment, glancing up at the other.

"…Yes, Taiga-kun?"

He saw him blush almost as red as his hair and dully noted that it was a good look for him. He got his bearings a moment later, though, judging by the way that he looked back at him.

It was getting darker, of course, but the light was enough to see him. The orange and yellow behind him almost made him look like something divine, something too much to be part of this world. He didn't look like he belonged here.

But here he was. Kuroko didn't think he couldn't have gotten luckier.

"Is it okay if I kiss you?" his voice was very gentle and almost tentative. Unsure. He probably didn't want a repeat of earlier.

But he didn't want to run. He didn't want to lose this. Kagami wouldn't become Aomine, no matter what happened, no matter how their relationship turned out.

Kuroko nodded.

* * *

><p>Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'm weaboo trash who wrote their first basketball anime fic. pls don't blame me.<p>

And I know it's not anything old. But, yknow. New things are necessary sometimes, yeah? And this is probably the longest one-shot I've written in the ever. So yeah, that was a happening.

Not sure if you _will_ see new things from me soon. Buut. Y'know. We'll see, uh-huh?

Stereotypical "I don't own this" disclaimer.

Maaybe leave a review? Tell me how I did? New characters, y'know?

-Sapph


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Kuroko no Basuke/黒子のバスケ, Drama, Romance