Avengers 1. Chapter 1

**Notes: **Very drabblish. Crackish. Still trying that new style thing? Um, no beta and I kinda just babbled a lot. I'm thinking about doing a little series and I guess this is the pilot? I might add more pieces as chapters. They'll just be glimpses into this little universe I threw these guys into. Feedback would be awesome. :D

Um, Tony swears. So watch out. And so does Clint. News Flash!

Also, I so love Barton and Stark being bros, but magic makes Clint touchy in my mind, for obvious reasons. COULSON LIVE BECAUSE I'M IN DENIAL! Dude, I have so many feelings about this series.

**Just Another Reason to Hate Magic (and All the Prissy Demi-God Drama That Comes With It)**

Well, he wasn't surprised. It would be a poor show of his training if he was. So he sat there behind his unassuming, desk that was deadlier then most of the junior agents and held the most unimpressed gaze he could muster. Because really, did he ever take it off? (It so doesn't count when Captain America is in the room—everyone has their Achilles heel.)

"Agent Romanov," Agent Coulson kept his tone collected and stern (and most certainly did not let the slightest shade of amusement shine through) with the perfect hint of exasperation, "do I even want to know?"

"No, Sir." She kept her gaze glued on the wall over his head, pinching two little ears that belonged to two unfortunately familiar blonde little boys. Two more, much less troublesome appearing, boys were standing behind those pretty long legs. "If you don't mind, I'd prefer to shower before we debrief." Natasha turned sharply on her heel when Coulson nodded and left him with four sparsely dressed little boys that were starting to look like yet another mountain of paperwork.

* * *

A trip through medical and a car ride later found four little boys clutching at black SHIELD emergency blankets as they shuffled into Stark Tower. Though HQ was prepared for many things, children's apparel was not something that was kept in stock. Phil was just glad they had all gotten showers before climbing into the SHIELD issued SUV for the most awkwardly silent trip across the city. No one was feeling chatty, which had made all of the medical evaluations a very long process, and they hadn't made a peep yet.

Jarvis said he had alerted Mr. Stark of their arrival by way of greeting.

Tony didn't leave them waiting long. He had been down in the lab if the smudge of black on his cheek was any indicator. Unlike Coulson, Tony made his amusement with the whole ordeal quite clear. He sauntered in with a low whistle, followed by nearly three and a half minutes of laughing (that led to wheezing because, "Holy shit, it's like Toddlers in Tiaras just met their beefed up body building big brothers, Cap!"). When the laughter was somewhat manageable Tony went about probing and poking at the boys. He stole their blankets leaving all but Bruce clutching to keep their boxers up. Bruce had somehow acquired a clothes pin, sneaky bastard. Tony poked him the most though, voicing how he'd like to get a look at the Other Guy. Steve was left with pink cheeks, because seriously? Rogers was adorable enough as a six-something, super solder let alone an eight year old. Pinching was in order. How had Phil managed to drive him all the way from base? "This is so messed up. Like, seriously, what was he thinking? Is this permanent? I totally want to get my hands on those pants, Bruce. They've held up pretty well—I'll see about making you a smaller pair. Sheesh, your hair! Did you guys actually get turned into kids, or just adults stuck in kid's clothes or, de-aged, or? Did SHIELD send you through medical? Jarvis, eh, never mind I'll run my own tests—"

"Right, Sir. I've already downloaded their reports."

"—fuck how are you carrying that still? But then that's magic against magic against who knows what so I guess it makes sense in a fucked up way and we need to get you a new bow, Clint. I can't wait to see what the news has to say. _God_, seriously! They're gonna flip! Where's Natasha? _Oh my Thor, _I can't wait to see—"

"—Stark, you need to take this seriously."

"—I fucking blame you!"

"—The Fair Widow was not caught by Loki's spell; she resides at SHIELD as of late."

"Luckily, they managed to get out of the area before the media showed up," Coulson supplied after the ruckus died down. He wouldn't speak over them (mainly because he wanted to make sure Tony heard him in order to see him deflate. Not that anyone would ever know). He had known Stark would get them talking. Tony had that effect on people.

Tony was still blinking at his entryway full of child as he managed, "Whoa. One at a time kids, let's all raise our hands and wait to be called on," with a sly smirk tugging at one side of his mouth. God, could this day get any better? "Let the adults talk here. Agent Coulson and I need to speak, children."

"I can still work a gun, Stark."

So Hawkeye's bow was too large for him to man? Hell, apparently it could, because it was really shaping up to be a good day. Tony snorted and flipped Clint off, because yeah, kid or not it was still an ongoing competition to see who could be the bigger dick (even if it was somewhat (mostly) just for show on his (both) parts). "Why are you blaming me, anyway? Please, enlighten me on my major involvement in this week's disaster," Tony asked and he poked Clint in the forehead because it was safe enough—Phil had a hand anchored on Clint's shoulder (Tony would have gone for it anyway) so the miniature sniper wasn't going to try anything. Probably.

Clint resisted the urge to bite that finger as Steve cleared his throat. "I believe what Clint is referring to," Cap said diplomatically with all three feet of his take charge personality and that pinched look on his face caught somewhere between annoyance and disappointment and pity and some stupidly high amount of caring that made Tony's skin crawl as he looked up at him. Fuck, a kid shouldn't wear that kind of expression. He just kept starring at Tony with his _expectations_, met or not, and his tone screamed 'disappointed dad talking to his guilty kid who doesn't want to blame the little guy even when it's obviously his fault' (and wasn't that screwed up, considering?) as he said, "is the jab you made at Loki last week about the horse. He made a rather heated remark about it when he was waving his scepter at us."

And then Tony realized where he had been going before and pouted, "Damn! No little Natasha to bug about being cute. Just my luck."

"She would have killed you," every human born male, and the questionable one in the suit, chimed in. And Tony realized then why Thor was his favorite when he heard the resident god of thunder mumbling his agreement about a child Natasha being cute with a thoughtful look.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes: **I thought I might want to put out the pairings before I post many more parts to this (ha, like there will be many parts!). This verse will proudly be shipping Bruce Banner and Darcy Lewis, Clint Barton and Phil Coulson, Tony Stark and Snark. Or, well, most likely Pepper, because while I love Stony I love canon too. And Nick Fury and badassery, because, yeah. All of these will be established relationships unless I suddenly think up a new one. I'll let you know if that happens.

Don't know if I'll post another one for a while. I have one that's of actual length half done about Clint and Phil dealing with the changes, but eh, it's on the back burner for now.

(When did I fall in love with wordy ass titles?)

**You Might Not Know It Yet, But I'm Having Your Babies**

Darcy Lewis wants a child—one day. Tons of people do. Being in that delicately hectic stage of being fresh out of college and fresh into SHIELD didn't really leave Darcy time to think about babies and preschools and stained clothing and all that junk. She's just too busy doing whatever it was she does at SHIELD in her cozy little office across the hall from Phil's and for the most part disregarding the section of her contract that specified what her job entailed.

She did as she pleased.

Today was no different. She had locked up her apartment nice and early, stopped to grab breakfast at the coffee shop a few blocks away from headquarters, picked up coffee for Phil and Agent Hill, and had wasted most of her morning on Tumblr. When Coulson came in with that look, which she would never admit _actually worked_ on her, she smoothly pulled up a few reports to amuse him. He gave her assignments, she responded with wit and sarcasm—normal for most eleven o'clocks these days—and got to work.

Lunch was good because SHIELD had class and apparently didn't want to piss everyone they encountered off, surprising yes.

Darcy was just coming back from a nasty after-lunch date with the break room copier (thing was evil and hated forms as much as Stark and the one in her office was still broke) when she noticed someone sitting at her desk. Darcy stopped at the door to just smile a little. Bruce had been avoiding her lately—y'know ever since he was turned into a child—but here he was with his faced pillowed on his arms slumped against her desk. Closer inspection concluded that yes, he was in fact sleeping.

Darcy quietly sat her stack of papers down on the desk and eased into her seat (thank God it didn't squeak for once in her life). Banner had been doing some kind of work in the lab for most of the week and the new body just couldn't keep up with it. Coulson had mentioned that the other Avengers (even if he had really been talking about Clint) were having problems keeping their regular schedules of little sleep.

She didn't want to wake him but his glasses were slipping and since he had forgotten to take them off she reached over and removed them. One of those dark curls brushed against her fingers and she took the care to move it back to where it belonged. He seemed peaceful like this, as a child. It made Darcy blink back something hot and look away and most certainly not think about what might happen when the spell wore off. She didn't think about a kid with curls and perfectly plump lips and beautiful brown eyes or sweet smiles. She didn't. She was one of SHIELD now and they weren't really a family organization, if the Avengers weren't proof enough. They had dysfunctional written up one side and down the other.

But one day Darcy was going to have kids, and if deep down she hoped that they ended up being geniuses with dimples, well, it could just be her little secret for now.


End file.

Avengers, Fantasy, Humor