Twilight 1. Chapter 1: Punishment? For what?

Chapter 1: Punishment

POV's: Edward, Esme, Alice

NOTE: the italics is the people's thoughts. In Edward's point of view, the character will be specified, in anyone else's it generally will be them thinking to Edward.

Ed POV

What happens when Jacob, the mutt we've come to tolerate for Bella's sake, is over, Bella is still human, Carlisle goes to work and Esme goes to Mitre 10 you ask?

Utter chaos.

Twenty minutes. Esme's been gone twenty minutes and her house is destroyed.

God Dammit! Esme is going to have a fit!

Bella and Jacob are in her room, doing who-knows-what, though if you listen hard enough, you'd hear them laughing…

Before I can go and rip Jacob Black's head off, Jasper runs behind me, crouching down and holding me in place.

"Your shield won't protect you Jazz-Hands!" Emmett, only Emmett would say something like that, yells.

"What are you two idiots do-" I start, cut of by bright green paint washing over me, coating me from head to toe.

"Uh oh." The large idiot murmurs.

"EMMETT!" I yell.

…_I'm dead…_

Yes Emmett, yes you are.

I spin around to attack Emmett when a blonde and black hurricane spins through the room.

Alice? Rosalie?

The last I knew the two were shopping online for Bella…

…_That little slutty pixie!..._

…_My dress! That's my dress..._

Wait a minute… this horrible screeching… the shredding of Esme's Italian leather couch is over a dress? Because the both have the same dress…

…_Emmett said…_

…_Jasper said…_

"EMMETT! JASPER!" I yell, of course it was those two idiots! They always start the 'wife wars' to see who has the strongest mate.

I repeat… idiots.

With the intent of strangling my brothers I run into the living room.

Where I am nearly crushed by plaster and the ceiling supports.

"What the…?" I murmur, receiving a reply in the form of Emmett shoving his large head through the hole.

"EMMETT!" I scream, for the billionth time today.

…_Wow. Jasper was right, he actually shakes in anger. Shit!..._

"WHAT THE HELL EMMETT?" I yell, on my last nerve.

"I got sick of using the stairs…"

"You're kidding me right?" Emmett shakes his large head, no. "YOU GOT SICK OF USING THE STAIRS?" I yell again.

Just as I calm down significantly, I hear several 'clangs' from the kitchen followed by a, "stupid kettle, why you no boil?" bang, bang, clang.

Oh no. Please Jasper, not Esme's kitchen. Please!

I run super-speed into the kitchen and gasp.

"no."

Esme's pristine steel kettle (with the plug lying over the bench, may I might add, no wonder it didn't boil!), oven, fridge, freezer, utensils and other kitchen equipment are crushed, smashed, and shattered, looking like lumps of twisted metal.

"J-Jasper!" I don't even yell this time. I'm in shock, "What have you done?"

"Oh, hey Ed!" Jasper says, as he walks out whistling a merry tune.

"I…ah…JASPER!?" I yell. Oh god, how will I explain this to Esme?

SMASH!

"WHAT NOW?!" I ask, the smashing noise hitting my last nerve, as I run into the living room.

"Hi Edward!" four voices chime out. I eye each of my siblings, raising an eyebrow when I realise that they are standing in a line, cutting off my view of the coffee table.

…_he's going to be as bad as Esme… _ I'm going to be as bad as Esme about what Emmett?

…_I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world…_ Alice, who else?

…_sex with Emmett, sex with Emmett… _Rosalie, and EW!

…_Uh oh brother, I'm sensin' a bit of tension… _Jasper.

All of this is, of course, very suspicious so I give each of them a hard glare and ask very tersely, "What. Have. You. Done?"

Emmett, probably being the guilty culprit, suddenly runs off yelling, "I WANT MY LAWYER PRESENT BEFORE I ANSWER ANYTHING!"

And his empty spot right in my line of sight, reveals the shattered antique glass coffee table my mother so very much cherishes.

SHATTERED! DESTROYED! HOW THICK CAN THE IDIOTS GET!? DON'T THEY REALISE THAT WE'LL DIE FOR THIS! IN A FEW SHORT HOURS WE'LL ALL BE ASH IN THE FRONT YARD! Maybe Esme will spare me; after all, I have been trying to keep her house in order, I am her first created-born, I am the good child that always calls her 'mom.'

She won't.

I sigh and face my three remaining siblings… oh, did I forget to mention the giant hole Emmett left in the glass wall as he ran out screaming bloody fucking murder?

"Who did this?" I surprise myself by remaining calm.

"EMMETT!" they all chorus, pointing in the hole in the glass wall.

"How?" Of course it was Emmett. IT'S ALWAYS EMMETT!

"He… well, he fell from the roof!" Alice giggles.

Yes Alice, it's real funny that Esme has a hole in her roof and glass window, her floor is covered in paint and human food… her new kitchen destroyed and her favourite glass table shattered, pieces sticking out of the cushions of the shredded couch… real funny.

"We are so dead…" I groan.

"Yes you are…" we hear from behind as I hear three simultaneous gasps of horror.

ESME!

Es POV

MY HOUSE!

What happened to my house?

There have better of been a vampire attack or… or… something SERIOUS to justify this… this disaster!

Edward, obviously being a good boy and reprimanding Alice, Jasper and Rosalie - where's Emmett? - moans.

"We are so dead."

"Yes you are…" I say, watching them with sick satisfaction as their faces all twist into terrified expressions (PERFECT!) and Edward spins around with an 'I tried mommy' expression.

…_I know you did son, I know you did…_

"Mom…" Edward tries to explain…

"BELLA, JACOB, EMMEEEEEEETT!" I yell, cutting him off.

They hurry down the stairs, Bella lagging behind.

"YOU LITTLE MONSTERS! LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID! MY HOUSE, YOU MONGRELS, MY HOUSE!" I scream.

"Mom…" an alien… no, wait… that's… Edward? Why is he green? … says.

"Edwaaard… my good, green child! I can rely on you… why are you green? What did the horrors do?"

…_burn baby burn..._ I picture his darling piano being torched, by yours truly, so he will obey.

"NOOOOO! It was Emmett! IT WAS ALL EMMETT! IT'S ALWAYS EMMETT!" Edward yells, on the verge of a breakdown.

"Son. Calm down." I say soothingly, I mean, after all Edward's the good child, the reliable one. I HAVE to like him… "First things first, why are you green?"

"Emmett was throwing paint… EVERYWHERE! He decided to coat Jasper, who used me as a shield, and voila… I'm green… and thanks mom…" he explains. He doesn't sound very grateful… what did I do?

"EMMETT!" I screech.

Bella jumps.

Poor girl.

Stuck between a werewolf – stinking mutt – and the logical choice, my amazing, so much better for her, son, the vampire.

I almost feel sympathetic, then I remember what took place in my house.

The Monster.

"So that explains the paint on the floor…" an unexpected, but welcome voice comments.

"CARLISE! HUSBAND! COME SEE WHAT YOUR MONSTER CHILDREN DID TO MY HOUSE!" I yell.

"Honey, calm." Carlisle says, and I calm instantly, before he mutters, "my children?"

"So the paints explained," Carlisle continues, "but the human food?"

Yes, I want to know why food has been trodden into my creamy white carpet… OH NO! THAT'LL NEVER COME OUT!

I'll just buy a new one.

"Well, that's the logical thing to do…" Edward mutters before explaining, "Before the paint, Emmett had a 'food fight' – one sided of course – against everyone."

"So basically he threw food at everyone for no reason!" Alice further explains.

"EMMETT!" I yell, again.

"The couch?" Bella asks.

Monster! It's my job to interrogate! Shush!

Edward twitches for a couple minutes – whats his problem? – before answering, "Emmett and Jasper started the 'wife fights' again."

"The wife fights! They sound like fun… I mean… That was very wrong of you boys, wrong indeed!" Carlisle mutters.

"EM-" I start.

"I know, I know," he saves me the trouble.

"Mom…" the good child speaks up, "there's more!"

"MORE?"

"EDWARD!" Everybody yells at him, the incriminating evidence everywhere…

_Did they really think that I wouldn't notice…?_

"Yeah, they hoped you wouldn't notice…" Edward replies to my thoughts.

"What else, my good green child?" I ask reluctantly.

"Emmett…" he starts.

"Why is it always me?" Emmett moans.

"Because you're the one who does the immature and stupid stuff!" Edward comments, before continuing.

"Emmett got sick of using the stairs…" Emmett looks awful sheepish, why do I get a bad feeling from that? – "so he put a hole in the roof, nearly crushing me with debris."

My motherly instincts overrun my protective house instincts and I rush over to Edward giving him a once over, checking him for damage, before pulling him to my chest and squeezing him in a massive bear hug.

"I'm okay mom… I love you too…"

"aw. Isn't my boy nice?" I ask Carlisle.

"Wait, I thought you said they were my kids?" he asks.

"The monsters are, but the good alien's mine," I reply.

"Alien?" Edward asks.

"You're green," I state as an explanation.

"What else?" I ask to break the awkward silence.

"Well, it seems Emmett forgot about the giant hole in his bedroom floor, and fell right through it onto your-"

"NOOOOO!" Everyone yells.

Edward ignores them and continues, "Antique coffee table."

"The glass one?!"

Edward just nods.

"YOU EVIL LITTLE MONSTER! I WILL KILL YOU! HOW DARE YOU RUIN MY HOUSE? MY ANTIQUE COFFEE TABLE CARLISLE GOT FOR ME?! WHY? WHAT DID IT DO TO YO?" I scream.

"I – I" Emmett tries to explain.

"No. You are bound to silence."

"Anything else?" I ask Edward.

"Emmett ran through the glass wall… screaming for a lawyer, and before that, he had a temper tantrum and set Jasper off. The kitchen is crushed." He explains.

I race into the kitchen with everyone else following.

To their utter shock, I didn't say anything, just take a deep breath… I can't see why it's shocking though…

Ed POV

Everyone was looking at anything but Esme except for me, giving Esme the puppy dog eyes.

Everyone is silent… until, well… Emmett, who else?

Es POV

Emmett starts yelling at Edward.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT EDWARD!" he yells.

"What? How?" the alien-boy asks.

"BECAUSE YOU TOLD ESME!?"

"So, let me get this straight… you're mad at me for telling the truth?" Edward asks completely unbelievingly, raising an eyebrow.

"YOU STUPID LITTLE!"

And of course Emmett's anger fuelled Jasper, which caused everyone but Carlisle and me to be angry at Edward.

"ENOUGH!" I yell.

Review and let me know what you think… and ideas for the punishment!


	2. Chapter 2: WakaWaka revealed

Chapter 2: WakaWaka?

NOTE: the italics is the people's thoughts. In Edward's point of view, the character will be specified, in anyone else's it generally will be them thinking to Edward.

Alice's point of view

Oh no! Why didn't I see this coming! God dammit!

Esme why do you hate me so?!

"Anything else Esme! PLEASE!" I beg.

Yes, I, Alice Cullen, the most fashion forward vampire in the USA is begging. IT is just that bad.

"My mind is made up," Esme speaks up.

NONONONONONONONO! NO!

"Kids, your punishment is…"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I scream.

"Alice, can your mother at least tell everyone else the punishment before you throw a fit?" Carlisle asks, "Thank you."

HEY! I didn't reply.

"As I was saying, your punishment is…" everyone tenses in anticipation and worry, except for Edward, who, as I do, already knows the punishment, "A SUMMER OF COUNSELLING AT CAMP WAKAWAKA!"

A collective groan runs through the room.

"What kind of camp?" Rosalie growls, she, like I, does not like the outdoors. At all.

Edward's point of view

I watch as the whole family goes off their nut at the prospect of going to a summer camp.

Why am I the only normal one?

"What kind of camp?" Rosalie growls.

Images race through Alice's mind, and though she doesn't realise it, I know for a fact that they are not visions, just figments of Alice's overactive, and very nervous imagination.

"TENTS! TENTS, CAMP FOOD. Wearing the same outfit…OH NO. NOT THAT. NOT WEARING THE SAME OUTFIT TWICE! NO!" Alice spiels off more of her imaginations worries.

"Melodramatic, much?" Jacob sneers, however surprisingly thinking about his mother worrying about his uniform on the first day of school… whatever.

It's not that it really matters to me what the mutt thinks…

"For that comment, Jacob, you can go too," Esme decides with furious protectiveness over her house… and me. The good one. The reliable one. The one who's lived with Esme long enough to know that you do not, and I mean do NOT, wreck her house under any circumstances – unless it's life or death… yeah, she's an angry person when her house is wrecked, doesn't think clearly either…

Anyway, Esme gave us all a list of things that we're allowed and not allowed to take to this camp. It went a bit like this, seeing as I scrawled all over this rewritten one:

**TAKE: clothes** _(duh!)_**, toiletries **_(we don't need them Esme)_**, pillow and sleeping bag **_(not that it matters, I'd be just as comfortable on the ground)_**, a toy **_(obviously this one is aimed at younger kids)_, _and lots of_ _blahblahblah…._

**DO NOT TAKE: Xbox** _(Emmett)_**, Keyboard **_(ouch Esme, I thought you liked my music)_**, any electronic devices** _(this is obviously aimed at all of us)_…

Then to Alice's utter dismay, at the bottom of this list (to be honest there were many other items, I just don't think they really were worth mentioning) it also had:

**You are restricted to one large bag each and a bed roll. Any extra bags will be confiscated.**

As you can imagine, Alice and Rosalie both had very angry thoughts about this rule:

_I just can't believe Esme would do this to me… is she jealous? Huh, I BET THAT'S IT! She's jealous of ME! – _Rosalie, the vain woman…

_HOW COULD ESME IS DOING THIS TO ME! HOW DARE SHE! HUH! WELL I'LL SEE HOW WELL SHE CAN KEEP ME FROM MY CLOTHES! _– Alice, of course this is Alice.

I just found the whole thing overly amusing, I mean, what does it matter if we spend a summer helping a camp of kids who want to do something fun for the holidays? It means I won't be bored!

Rosalie Point of View

Three weeks later we find ourselves on a boat – I mean a BOAT? COME ON! – to a "deserted" and so called "prehistoric" Island on which is Camp WakaWaka…

Yuck!

I have to spend the summer – 3 months – in a tent, wearing the same clothes, choking down disgusting – even by human standards – camp food.

I could be doing much better things…

Like looking in a mirror!

"Geeze Rose! Shallow much!" Edward whines.

WHAT. A. PUSSY. Stupid mind reader should shut his fucking mouth.

Three hours, four stops (all of which Emmett caused – surprise, surprise) and after Alice, Jasper and Edward all had a trip into the water (once again, Emmett) we arrive at Camp WakaWaka.

The dinosaur camp!

Yay!

NOT.

I hate summer…

Seriously.

We walk up to the main office to check in and find….

Esme Point of View

I watched as the 'monsters' and Edward arrive at the office, presumably to check in and find out which brick cabin they will be staying in.

Where are all the tents, you ask? Hah!

Alice overreacted. No surprises there. Imagined the whole thing, overactive imagination that one. I'm sure Edward knew the truth…

I walk out of the building to see seven very shocked faces.

"Esme?" Alice asks.

"You own the camp?" Rosalie asks with slight hope.

Hope! Yes, HOPE!? I must crush this foul thing immediately.

Don't hope my daughter… this will be hell for you…

I feel like laughing evilly!

"Uh, oh. Uh, Mum?" my angelic boy asks.

"Yes Edward, honey?"

"Nothing," Edward spoke rather quickly, "It's just this place… it's so… beautiful!"

"Thank you dear!"

I'm so glad he likes it!

Edward Point of View

_I feel like laughing evilly!_

"Uh oh. Uh, Mum?" I ask, scared for us all.

"Yes Edward, honey?" Esme replies. Oh thank god! I'm still in her good books!

I rather meant to say, 'Do I need to get dad here to check you out?' but knowing that would ruin all chances of this being relatively easy for me to suffer through I just went with the first thing that came to mind, "Nothing," I do admit, I spoke rather fast, I don't like lying to mother, "It's just this place… it's so-" dull, like every other forest island I've ever seen and/ or hunted in, "-beautiful!" There. That will satisfy Esme… and keep me out of trouble!

_I'm so glad he likes it!_

Thank god!

Emmett Point of View

A couple minutes later Seth, Jessica and Mike turn up. Apparently Esme conveniently "forgot" to mention that they will be co-counsellors with us… forgot… I don't think so…

Anyway, she showed us all around the grounds; the playground (children must be accompanied by at least one adult), the kitchen (where we go when the children want a drink or snack), the mess hall (whys it called that? And us vampires must eat… joy…), the 'reward shop' (more things I must remember: REWARD CHILDREN! Right, now that's done…) and then sent us off for 'free time' like we are a bunch of five year olds, just to call us back to the mess hall five minutes later.

Edward Point of View

"Right," Esme calls for our attention, "now for the camp counsellor pairings!"

"oh boy!" Alice groans.

_For that comment that girl is going to get…._ Esme was furious for Alice's 'blatant disrespect', "Alice and Mike-" Well I guess that's what Esme meant by get…, "Rosalie and Jacob," that's sure to be a blast. NOT. "Edward and Seth," at least I like the guy, "Jessica and Emmett," Oh boy… "Jasper is a counsellor by himself," that ought to cause some ruckus, "and Bella is the camp cook!"

How much trouble could Bella get herself into?

Suddenly, I am assaulted by the horrible image of Bella in the camp kitchen opening the oven, fire spewing from its inner depths.

Oh, she could get into a lot of trouble.

THE NEXT DAY

I regret it all. Saying this will be FUN! WAS I INSANE?

Those children – those horrible animals are destroying my life…

Okay, so they've only been here for five minutes, but THEIR THOUGHTS. Honestly, if I didn't have enough of immature thoughts and TV show reruns in Emmett's head!

"Each day," Esme starts, standing at the front of the mess hall, where everyone is gathered, "at camp, there will be a different theme."

"OH BOY!" Rosalie grumbles sarcastically.

Esme carries on like Rosalie said nothing, "The first theme is the T.V. show GLEE!"

Every kid sitting in the mess hall screams happily.

Yes, the kids arrived. I didn't tell you that part… I'm currently working hard to repress that horrific memory. We also found our cabin names this week:

Seth and I: GLEEKS

Jasper: SLUSHIED

Emmett and Jessica: WARBLERS

Alice and Mike: UNI-BICORN

Rose and Jacob: CHERIOS

Matching the theme of course!

Note: Heavy sarcasm.

"WE ARE THE MIGHTY GLEEKS!" my campers are singing, and to my chagrin, Seth is merrily humming along, yelling the word 'gleeks' with all the campers.

I glare at them all.

As I said earlier: Living Nightmare.

We are currently headed to the Mess Hall for the first "GLEE WEEK CHALLENGE". Alice is squealing in excitement –that can't be good- and blocking her thoughts with that annoying song 'Single Ladies'. You know the one that goes 'If you like it then you should of put a ring on it!?' Yeah, that horrible thing… you can't get good music these days.

"Uh, Edward?" Seth asks, shoving me lightly.

"Uhhuh…" I reply. Very articulate Edward!

"We're here. And I don't think you're going to like what we're doing…." Seth says quietly as all the campers scream.

"SINGSTAR!"

NONONONONONONONO. NO! I have to Alice and Rosalie and sometimes even the horrific torture of Emmett singing singstar at home! NO. I refuse to allow this blasphemy to take place.

But of course, this tantrum is in my head, and I won't dare vocalise it. I want to remain the good child, remember?

At least I don't have to sing.

Alice Point of View

I watch as the kids bounce around in excitement, and I just can't help but to join in!

We're having a SINGSTAR COMPETITION for crying out loud!

If you were me, you'd be excited too!

My eyes glaze over as a vision takes hold of my senses.

Edward and Seth step onto the stage and take the microphones… they open their mouths and start singing….

OMG. I cannot stop laughing. This will be awesome!

Edward Point of View

I didn't think I'd have to sing…

As it turns out, the counsellors are the ones to get the 'ball rolling' as Esme so puts it… and we all have to sing an impromptu song with our co counsellor… I SAW RED.

Edward Masen Cullen does not sing, he plays the piano, thank you very much.

Turns out I'm singing…


	3. Chapter 3: GLEEK WEEK part 1

Hey guys, I don't really know if anyone's reading this… or even liking it. Can you review and let me know? Thanks, I also need ideas for 'camp themes' I have some already, but it'd be great if I could get some more, so review? :P

Chapter 3: GLEEK WEEK part 1

Edward Point of View

You know that feeling when you're being forced to do something, and you really wouldn't have minded doing it, but then there were restrictions that just made the whole thing seem unthinkable?

Yeah, that's GLEEK WEEK CHALENGE 1. Singstar. It has to be a Glee song….

And Seth's choosing ours.

Joy.

Once again: Heavy sarcasm.

Seth eventually picks a song, hands the microphone to me and whispers, "Just do it. We need to win. Morale for our campers and all!"

Man he's taking this counsellor thing really seriously!

"Alright. What song is it?" I ask.

Just as the music starts up, I hear Seth mutter words that will haunt me for the rest of forever, "Hot for Teacher… originally sung by Van Halen. You know it?"

Oh I know it all right… Emmett had this phase, and we heard this song on repeat quite consistently.

(**Seth, **Edward)

**Oh, wow, man, I said**

**Wait a second, man**

**What do you think the teacher's gonna look like this year?**

Uh!

Oh yeah!

T-T-teacher stop that screamin'

Teacher don't you see?

Don't wanna be no uptown fool

Maybe I should go to hell

But I am doing well

Teacher needs to see me after school

**I think of all the education that I've missed**

**But then my homework was never quite like this!**

**Ow! Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad**

**I'm hot for teacher!**

**I've got it bad, so bad**

**I'm hot for teacher!**

Hey, I heard you missed us

We're back! (Hey!)

I brought my pencil

Give me something to write on, man!

Whoa

Uh!

**Ooo-oo-ooo**

**I heard about your lessons**

**But lessons are so cold**

**I didn't know about this school**

**Little girl from Cherry Lawn**

**How can you be so bold?**

**How did you know that golden rule?**

I think of all the education that I've missed

But then my homework was never quite like this!

Whoa! Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad

I'm hot for teacher!

I've got it bad, so bad

I'm hot for teacher!

**Whoa!**

Oh, I think the clock is slow, man

What are you doin' this weekend?

I don't feel tardy

Class dismissed!

Ooh-yeah!

**I've got it bad, got it bad, got it bad,**

**I'm hot for teacher!**

**Whoa!**

**Ooh, yes I'm hot**

**Wow!**

**Whoa!**

**Oh! Ooh, yes I'm hot **

**Wow!**

Oh my God!

Woo!

If I could I would be flushing in utter embarrassment as I scurry off the stage, to hooting laughs (Emmett) to confused applause (the campers), even Esme is giggling at me!

I WANT TO KILL SOMEONE!

Oh look, a bunch of unsuspecting campers…

NO! BAD EDWARD!

Deep breaths.

That's better…

Alice Point of View

That was hilarious!

The song was a weird choice, but it wasn't the song that made this funny! It was Edward's embarrassed 'I-certainly-don't-want-to-be-here-I-would-rather-be-gauging-my-eyes-out-with-toothpicks' look. And Seth's 'hard-out-air-guitar-rocker' attitude and dancing.

OMG. Classic.

Oh, it's Mike and I's turn… and I picked the perfect song!

Very discreetly I turn off Mike's microphone, it's not like he'd want to sing it anyway!

Take Me or Leave Me, originally sung by Rent!

It's perfect!

(Mike, **Alice**)

**Every single day**

**I walk down the street**

**I hear people say**

"**Baby's so sweet"**

**Ever since puberty**

**Everybody stares at me**

**Boys, girls**

**I can't help it baby**

**So be kind**

**And don't lose your mind**

**Just remember**

**That I'm your baby**

**Take me for what I am**

**Who I was meant to be**

**And if you give a damn**

**Take me baby or leave me**

**Take me baby or leave me**

**A tiger in a cage**

**Can never see the sun**

**This diva needs her stage**

**Baby, let's have fun!**

**You are the one I choose**

**Folks would kill to fill your shoes**

**You love the limelight too, now baby**

**So be mine**

**And don't waste my time**

**Cryin', **"Oh Honeybear

Are you still my, my, my baby"

**Take me for what I am**

**Who I was meant to be**

**And if you give a damn**

**Take me baby or leave me**

**Now way, can I be what I'm not**

But hey, don't you want your girl hot

**Don't fight, don't lose your head**

'**Cause every night, who's in your bed**

**Who, who's in your bed**

**Kiss, pookie**

**That's it! The straw that breaks my back**

**I quit, unless you take it back**

Women, what is it about them

Can't live with them or without them!

**Take me for what I am**

**Who I was meant to be**

(Who I was meant to be)

**And if you give a damn**

(And if you give a damn ya better)

**Take me baby or leave me**

(Oh take me baby, take me or leave me)

**Take me baby**

**Or leave me**

Guess I'm leaving

**I'm gone!**

Oh, I guess he found the microphone switch. Eh, he wasn't that bad, and it totally gave a good effect! Everyone's clapping…. Go Alice! Go Alice!

_Hey Edward! Stop giving me that look! You know the one! That 'I-think-you-are-totally-insane-scratch-that-I-know-you-are-cause-I-can-read-your-mind' look. It's very rude!_

OH! I can't wait to see what Jazzy's going to sing! He's up next!

Jasper Point of View

Okay Jasper, don't eat the children. That's it. You can't eat the children. No. Not allowed. Good Jasper…

Oh! It's my turn on stage.

Well, I'm going to sing a song that portrays my inner emotions (cough emo cough)!

Misery originally by Maroon 5!

**Oh, yeah**

**Oh, yeah**

**So scared of breaking it**

**That you won't let it bend**

**And I wrote two hundred letters**

**I will never send**

**Sometimes these cuts are so much**

**Deeper than they seem**

**You'd rather cover up**

**I'd rather let them be**

**So let me be**

**And I'll set you free**

**I am in misery**

**There ain't nobody who can comfort me, oh yeah**

**Why won't you answer me?**

**Your silence is slowly killing me, oh yeah**

**Girl, you really got me bad**

**You really got me bad**

**Now I'm gonna get you back**

**I'm gonna get you back**

**Your salty skin and how**

**It mixes in with mine**

**The way it feels to be**

**Completely intertwined**

**Not that I didn't care**

**It's that I didn't know**

**It's not what I didn't feel**

**It's what I didn't show**

**So let me be**

**And I'll set you free**

**I am in misery**

**There ain't nobody who can comfort me, oh yeah**

**Why won't you answer me?**

**Your silence is slowly killing me, oh yeah**

**Girl, you really got me bad**

**You really got me bad**

**Now I'm gonna get you back**

**I'm gonna get you back**

**You say your faith is shaken**

**You may be mistaken**

**You keep me wide awake and**

**Waiting for the sun**

**I'm desperate and confused**

**So far away from you**

**I'm getting there**

**I don't care where I have to go**

**Why do you do what you do to me? Yeah**

**Why won't you answer me, answer me? Yeah**

**Why do you do what you do to me? Yeah**

**Why won't you answer me, answer me? Yeah**

**I am in misery**

**There ain't nobody who can comfort me, oh yeah**

**Why won't you answer me?**

**Your silence is slowly killing me, oh yeah**

**Girl, you really got me bad**

**You really got me bad**

**Now I'm gonna get you back**

**I'm gonna get you back**

**Girl, you really got me bad**

**You really got me bad**

**Now I'm gonna get you back**

**I'm gonna get you back**

Not that I'm actually feeling this way, but there are just so many negative emotions in this room and I have to get them out!

Phew. Now that's done and dusted.

Emmett and Jessica's turn and Jessica is choosing the song!

Emmett Point of View

Jessica is a slut!

Forgive my language but she is!

Trying to hit on me when she knows I'm with my Rose!

Ah, well, this singstar thing will cheer me up! I wonder what song she'll choose!

"Hey, Jess? What song?" I ask.

"Hit Me With Your Best Shot/ One Way Or Another!" Jess squeals/

"oh boy…"

(Jess, **Emmett**)

**Hit me with your best shot!**

**Why don't you hit me with your best shot!**

I'm gonna get ya', get ya', get ya', get ya'

**Hit me with your best shot! **

**Fire away!**

I'm gonna get ya', get ya', get ya', get ya'

One way or another, I'm gonna find ya'

I'm gonna get ya', get ya', get ya', get ya'

One way or another, I'm gonna win ya'

I'll get ya', I'll get ya'

**You're a real tough cookie with the long history**

**Of breaking little hearts like the one in me**

**That's OK, let's see how you do it**

**Put up your dukes, let's get down to it!**

**Hit me with your best shot!**

**Why don't you hit me with your best shot!**

I'm gonna get ya', get ya', get ya', get ya'

**Hit me with your best shot!**

**Fire away!**

I'm gonna get ya', get ya', get ya', get ya'

**You come on with a come on, you don't fight fair**

**But that's OK, see if I care!**

**Knock me down, it's all in vain**

**I'll get right back on my feet again!**

**Hit me with your best shot!**

**Why don't you hit me with your best shot!**

I'm gonna get ya', get ya', get ya', get ya'

**Hit me with your best shot!**

**Fire away!**

I'm gonna get ya', get ya', get ya', get ya'

And if the lights are all out

I'll follow your bus downtown

See who's hangin' out…

**Hit me with your best shot!**

**Fire away!**

I'm gonna get ya', get ya', get ya', get ya'

**Hit me with your best shot! **(Hit me with your best shot!)

**Why don't you hit me with your best shot!**

I'm gonna get ya', get ya', get ya', get ya' **(Hit me with your best shot!)**

**Hit me with your best shot!**

**Fire away!**

One way or another, I'm gonna find ya'

I'm gonna get ya', get ya', get ya', get ya'

**Hit me with your best shot!**

One way or another

**Fire away!**

I'm gonna get ya', get ya', get ya', get ya'

**Fire away!**

I'm gonna get ya', get ya', get ya', get ya'

**Hit me with your best shot!**

Well, that was weird… never again.

Now Rosie has to sing with the mutt. I wonder what song they'll choose… this ought to be good…

Rosalie Point of View

I know have to sing a song with the mutt. And I know the perfect song…

Trouty Mouth. Written by Glee's own Santana Lopez….

I turn off the mutt's microphone and hide it, he certainly won't need it. I sit him in a chair and face him.

**Guppy Face, Trouty Mouth**

**Is that how people's lips look where you come from in the South?**

**Grouper Mouth, Froggy Lips**

**I love suckin' on those salamander lips**

**Wanna put a fish hook in those lips so cherry red**

**If you tried hard enough you could suck a baby's hand**

**Wooh!**

Take that you over glorified pup!

We heard a lot of other GLEE songs being sung by the campers but the counsellors all just stare at each other trying to guess who's going to win…


	4. Chapter 4: Gleek Week Part 2

Chapter 3: GLEEK WEEK part 2

Sorry I haven't been updating lately. Uni. Don't give up on me! I have a easier timetable this semester so I will update more often. Please review. I really don't know how many people are reading this, if it's good or bad or anything... so please, please review.

Edward's Point of View

Everyone's standing in complete silence as Esme walks to the front of the room, envelopes in hand.

"The votes are in! My husband, Carlisle and I-"

Carlisle? When did he get here?

"-have divided you into three groups; females, males and counsellors. Each group will have someone in first, second and third place and will be awarded points, first place getting 20 points, second place getting 15 points and third place getting 10 points."

Esme is interrupted by Emmett – who else – as he yells, "JUST TELL US WHO WON ALREADY!"

"First group will be female campers..." Esme begins, ignoring her bear of a son, "third place is the song Cold Hearted sung by Katie-"

Huh, I know a Katie…

"- and Lauren-"

…and a Lauren…

"- of the GLEEK cabin!"

…and I'm in the Gleek cabin…

Oh. We Won.

_WE WON!_

Yeah, yeah kids. Don't get excited… there's still 8 more people to be placed… and you were only third…

I know. I'm pessimistic. Deal with it.

Katie and Lauren run up onto the stage and squeal loudly into the microphone making my ears bleed.

"Second place is the song Don't Stop Believing," Esme continues, after snatching the microphone from the two girls from my cabin, "sung in a stunning performance by Jasmine from the WARBLERS!"

Emmett just shrugged and Jessica unenthusiastically yells, "Yay team!"

Esme frowns at the lack of encouragement from the counsellors of that cabin, then continues, "And the winner is the group performance from every girl in this cabin, the song Run the World (Girls) sung by the females of the UNI-BICORN cabin!"

To my (not so) utter shock, Alice – who is a counsellor of this cabin – jumps up and screams, "YES! GO UNI-BICORNS! WE RULE! EVERYONE UP ON STAGE!"

Esme looks very pleased by this enthusiastic display of leadership from Alice. Her co-counsellor, Mike Newton, however, sits there glaring at anything and everything that gets in his way… or looks at him…

If looks could kill…

Actually, I would win. I am a vampire after all.

Oh! Esme's talking. I better listen.

"Now to award the male campers," Esme says, Alice had obviously stopped her ear splitting screaming…

"With the song, It's My Life/Confessions, third place goes to…" Carlisle starts, "The quartet from SLUSHIED cabin, is Josh, Michael, Jamie and Liam!"

And this was obviously Jaspers cue to scream, and for said quartet to jump up and throw slushies at the boys in Emmett and Jessica's 'Warblers' cabin, while screaming, "you've just been slushied!"

Real original Jasper….

The boys were told to clean up. When they return Carlisle starts to announce second place.

"With a spectacular version of the song, She's not there," Carlisle smiles, "it's the GLEEK cabin with Jason!"

Everyone – and I mean everyone in our cabin screams. And then the girls shriek, because apparently, this guy is 'hot'.

Whatever.

Once the shrieking dies down Carlisle starts speaking again, "And last but not least, with the song, It's Not Unusual, first place goes to Chris from CHEERIOS cabin!"

Rosalie looks so goddamn pleased. She looks like she just won the lottery or discovered the cure for cancer.

I think she's just happy to have won something at this stupid camp.

"Now," Esme begins again, "the counsellor performances. These were judged by the campers. Third place is, scraping by on pure comedic value, with the song Hit Me with Your Best Shot/One Way or Another, is Emmett and Jessica from WARBLERS cabin!"

Jessica squeals and hugs Emmett – oh! Rosalie won't like that. Not at all. And, yup! Total death glare from Rosalie to Jessica. Once again, if looks could kill…

Emmett, to be fair, looks completely shell shocked. Once he gets over it, however, he gently (by our standards) pushes Jessica away and shrugs apologetically to Rosalie, who doesn't notice because she's still too busy glaring at Jessica…

Oh well. More entertainment for me…

"Second place," Esme hurries on, seeing the look on Rosalie's face, "is… oh! This is a surprise…. The song, Trouty Mouth sung by Rosalie from CHEERIOS cabin…"

And cue another satisfied smirk on Rosalie's face.

I turn around to check if I was right, and sure enough, Rosalie is smirking as the mutt pouts. Ha! Take that dog!

"And finally!" Esme yells, to get everyone's attention after that shocker of a placing, "First place is Misery sung by Jasper from the SLUSHIED cabin!"

They better not throw anymore slushies!

Thankfully they didn't. Instead they –not so thankfully- screamed until my ears bled… or they would have if they could have…

"So," Carlisle continues, "The scores are thus: Cheerio's cabin are in the lead with thirty five points, Slushied cabin is next with thirty points, tied for third are the Warblers cabin and the Gleek cabin with twenty five points and bringing up the rear is the Uni-bicorn cabin with twenty points. Don't worry, you will have more opportunities to earn points, however, now it is time for free time and then bed at ten pm. No talking after eleven or your cabin will lose privileges. Good night!"

Alice does not look very happy about her cabins placing but after getting a vacant look in her eyes as Carlisle mentions 'other opportunities' she walks off with her cabin with a grin.

I don't even want to know what's going through her little pixie head…

Jasper's Point of View:

My day totally sucked! Though I did win a singing competition I did not and I repeat DID NOT want to enter…

And now I have to look after 18 kids on my own… though Bella sleeps with the girls in their room, just to make sure… nothing bad… happens. Like me drinking their blood….

That would be bad.

Very bad.

Anyway, now we are off to our cabins. My cabin is Cabin number 4 though it has 'SLUSHIED!' painted on a banner in bright colours which in immaculately draped across the front of the cabin over the door.

Esme. Never underestimate her.

Ever.

We Cullens can give this advice, but never follow it.

Except Edward. He's the exception.

Anyway, since Bella's taking care of the girls, I head to the boys room, and see a war zone.

Esme won't be impressed at Inspection tomorrow.

"What is going on?" I ask sternly, just as an errant sock flies past, an inch away from my ear.

"Nothing!" they all chant at once, in very weird voices. Something boys do when they know they've been caught.

I should know. I'm a boy.

Oh god. Emmett's rubbing off on me.

Not a good thing.

"Josh! Michael! Jamie! Liam! Peter! Caleb! Colin! Warren! What the hell is going on?" I ask, with my I-am-a-major-in-the-army-do-as-I-say voice.

Surprisingly, they all snap to attention and look to one another for guidance.

"We were having a luggage fight. Don't judge us. Its fun," Warren says, obviously seeing my confused judging face.

"Whatever. Just go to sleep. NOW." I want to leave. So sleep little children. Sleep.

Obviously children at this age are defiant because Jamie decided to be a little jerk.

"NO. I will not sleep! You cannot make me." He snaps, crossing his arms and stomping one foot.

"It's ten thirty. Please just sleep." I ask, sighing as they all shake their heads.

Suddenly, just as I'm about to give up, there's a knock at the door.

And in walks Edward, carrying with him, eight cups of hot chocolate…

_And that's supposed to do what?_

"Hot milk, Jasper." Edward replies, continuing his explanation when he sees my confused face, "It's known to help people fall asleep. Esme recommended we give a cup to the kids."

Mercifully, it works. The kids are all asleep within half an hour.

_Edward's a genius…_

"Why thank you, Brother."

And with that, Edward leaves my cabin, leaving me to clean the boys' mess, or face Esme's wrath.


	5. Chapter 5: Dodgeball Maddness

I've realised that the ever-changing cabin names (which will happen whenever the theme changes) could possibly confuse everyone so I will list the cabin names and the counsellors of it along with the current point score at the start of ever chapter so you will not get as confused :)

Gleek Cabin: Edward and Seth – 25pts

Cheerios Cabin: Rosalie and Jacob – 35pts

Slushied Cabin: Jasper – 30pts

Warblers Cabin: Emmet and Jessica – 25pts

Uni-bicorn Cabin: Alice and Mike – 20pts

Chapter 5: Dodge-ball Madness

Alice P.O.V

How could Jazzy, my Jazzy, beat me?

Well, he's making up for it now!

While the rest of us counsellors are sitting around a campfire, Jazzy is tidying up after a 'luggage fight' that the boys in his cabin started.

As we all sit laughing at Jazzy's predicament, Edward comes back from delivering hot chocolate to Jazz's cabin so his campers will shut up and go to sleep. Don't know how it helps out but apparently it does.

"So how much of a bombsite is it, Edward?" Rosalie asks.

"There was not a clear piece of carpet!" Edward says, screwing up his nose and shuddering as the rest of us gasp dramatically, "If Esme sees it she'll have a fit!" We all burst into laughter at the mental image of small, petite Esme ripping ex-army major Jasper a new one.

After an hour of Mike unsuccesfully hitting on Bella, Edward glaring a Mike and Bella hiding in Edward's chest... a few hours of laughter and, in the humans case, roasting marshmallows (EW!) Bella, Jessica and Mike retire to bed and Jasper emerges from his cabin, shoulders hunched wearily.

"Oh. My. God!" Rosalie and I chant as Emmett stares at Jasper in shock and Edward's eyes widen before he bursts out laughing.

My husband, my poor, dear husband stands in front of us with a frown on his face along with some sort of gel everywhere, a sock hanging off his ear, tape and... is that a sticker? on his arms and clothes which were wrinkled and covered in grime, dirt and dust.

"What's so funny?" he snaps, glaring at Edward.

Edward P.O.V

When Jasper walked out of the cabin and stood in front of us I just couldn't help it - I laughed.

I think the others were in a state of shock, but not me!

It's nice that someone else is cleaning up a mess this time, I've been doing for years... so sue me if I find a little amusement in the role reversal!

"What's so funny?" Jasper snaps at me while glaring.

If looks could kill...

I lean over and pluck the sock off his ear, holding it up in front of his face, "New fashion? I don't think it will catch on..."

Jasper snatches the sock while barking out a vicious "Fuck you" and sits down beside Alice.

This triggers everyone elses laughter.

One word runs through Jasper's mind.

_Barstard._

Alice P.O.V

New morning. New day. New chance to kick everyone's ass!

As we sit at breakfast eating, or rather, pretending to eat the supposedly appetizing cardboard, everyone is talking about today's activity - 'What will it be?' 'My cabin will totally kick your cabins ass!'

We counsellors are more worried about the inspection Esme is currently carrying out.

"Miss?" A shy, sweet 12 years old in my cabin asks.

"Yes, Lily?"

"Can we get some more juice?"

"Of course!"

As I lean over to pour the kids some more juice, one of the boys that Mike is supposed to be looking after suddenly trips.

"Oh god!" I gasp at the glimpse of the future, the poor boy crying and screaming in agony on the Mess Hall floor. The blood. Jasper. And the poor kid being lifted out of here by helicopter. Before the vision can come to fruition, I throw myself forward and catch him, but unfortunately the pitcher of juice I was holding flies out of my hand and onto...

Oh god no!

Esme.

Every child laughs, the counsellors don't - though it would have been funny if it was anybody but Esme.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Edward cringe.

That can't be good.

Esme P.O.V

Alice is in so much trouble!

Where's my little tattle tale alien son...?

_Edward?_

His head snaps up and he looks at me with a confused look on his face.

He's probably thinking 'Why me? What did I do? Why do I always get the blame?'

Edward cringes - and Alice seems to do so along with him.

Interesting... almost like she's acting with a guilty concious...

_Did Alice do this on purpose?_

Edward shakes his head. No.

_Are you sure? _This is accompained with a lovely image of a burning piano.

Blackmail always works.

Edward nods.

_Then what on earth was she doing?_

Edward suddenly appears beside me. "A boy in her cabin tripped. Mike was too busy staring at Bella to notice and if she hadn't caught him, well... the vision she had wasn't pleasant. Very... red."

Huh. _And she just so happened to have juice at the time?_

"She was pouring it for the girls in her cabin..." Edward trails off as his attention is captured elsewhere.

"Dodgeball?" he squeaks.

Oh. Of course he'd be worried about that particular thought that is probably running through my husband's mind...

Alice P.O.V

As I search the future for my apparently non-existent punishment I hear a word I will always love slip through Edward's lips.

"Dodgeball?" he squeaks to Esme, who seems to be enjoying her oldest yet youngest sons (it's complicated) discomfort.

Edward was never good at dodgeball. Running? Yes. Baseball? Yes. Dodgeball? No. The 'Dodge' part he can handle but apparently the 'Ball' part reminds him of a nasty incident from his human life... traumatizes him... won't pick up the ball... easy to win against...

Wait...

OUR ACTIVITY IS DODGEBALL!

YUS!

JASPER, my poor, dear Jasper, IS GOING TO PAY.

Cue evil laughter.

Five minutes later, I sit at the now cleared table, bouncing in anticipation for what, the now clean, Esme is about to say.

"I have just completed the room inspections..."

"Wait... what?" I hear Emmett whisper to his co-counsellor. Poor Jessica - the girl spent the early hours of the morning cleaning the girls half of the cabin - stares at Emmett in complete and utter shock... then anger.

"You moron! You mean to say that you DID'NT clean the boys half of the cabin like I asked you to?" she whispers angrily.

Emmett shakes his head fearfully.

"Then what on earth were you doing?"

"Building bed forts!"

Such an Emmett answer. Honestly, the kids will end up being his counsellor before the end of this camp.

"Emmett?! Do you not want the points. Aren't you curious about the prize?"

Ah, the prize. Each day a prize is given to the cabin that's tidiest.

"Oops."

That's all he has to say?

Oops?

Poor Jessica!

Esme glares at Emmett for a few minutes as he and Jessica converse before she continues, "and the cabin with the tidiest cabin - the cabin that gets 10 points and doesn't have chores tonight is..."

Suspenseful silence.

Honestly, I think after the singstar competition that she's overusing it.

"...The Slushied Cabin!"

Jasper sighs in relief as his campers burst out into cheers of triumph. Obviously the time he spent cleaning last night paid off...

While smiling at my husband and giving him a thumbs up I notice Edward nodding at Esme with a smile - looks like he approves of Jasper getting the prize and the points...

"Now, todays activity." Esme says, standing at the front of the room.

Everyone instantly falls silent.

"In Glee they played an epic game of Dodgeball between the two glee clubs at McKinley High..."

Yeah... get on with it...

"Today you will be playing several epic games of Dodgeball-"

Esme's cut off as everyone in the room screams at the top of their lungs.

Ow... sensitive vampire ears!

Once it dies down a little, Esme continues, " Against your fellow campers and counsellors-"

Everyone screams louder than they were before.

OW! AGAIN!

I think my ears just started to bleed.

Once my head isn't echoing with the obscene shrieks of overexcited children I start scheming.

I can...

Distract Eddie with my thoughts!

Annoy Jazzy with my emotions!

Taunt Emmett!

Bitch at Rose!

"...Now for the rules..."

RULES?

I hate rules!

Besides when we Cullens play we don't have rules!

Emmett, Rose and Jasper groan along with me.

Esme carries on as if we hadn't even opened our mouths.

"These rules are essential for your safety..."

Blahblahblah.

I zone Esme out but still get a gist of the rules.

Number 1: No pushing, shoving, punching, tripping or any other 'unnecessary' forms of violence.

Number 2: The counsellors, who are playing in your teams are to go easy on you and will not (I think she emphasised this so: ) WILL NOT use their full strength! She gave each of us Cullens harsh glares - warning looks.

Number 3: No head shots or shots directly below the waist.

She also listed typical Dodgeball rules. Don't cross the midline, catch the ball throwers out, get hit with the ball you're out... basic things.

"Breaking these rules will not only lead to points being taken, but if a serious enough violation is brought to my attention, that person will be pulled from the game. Understand? Good. Now, the counsellors may be in your teams but they are not the main players and WILL NOT be used to overthrow another team... okay?" Esme sounds serious.

Eh, doubt it'll phase Emmett.

Everyone nods in response to Esme's question. Even Bella.

Is she even playing?

Speaking of that...

"Esme?" I ask, standing up.

"Yes Alice?" She looks cautious. Nervous.

Whatever for?

"Jasper's cabin, the slushied cabin, only has one counsellor." I point out worriedly.

"Hmm... you're right," Esme sighs, "Bella, you can play for slushied cabin."

Jasper notices the absolutely horror-struck and terrified look on Bella's face and whispers, "Don't worry, Bells. I'll protect you."

This makes every Cullen giggle. Except Edward.

Especially Emmett.

"Right, first matches are Unibicorn vs Cheerios and Warblers vs Slushied!"

Edward P.O.V

Since there's only two games at once, the Gleeks - my cabin - get to relax.

Meaning I get to watch the coming battle between Jasper and Emmett and watch a particularily evil little pixie plot against Rosalie.

This ought to be fun!

Until it's my turn, of course!

Then not so good...


End file.

Twilight, Humor, Supernatural