Harry Potter A deathly price

_She sits by the window looking outside. A fine morning in an autumn day and yet she feels like it's one of those days you wished you didn't wake up. But she did wake up. And she regretted it because being awake means thinking of him and thinking of him makes her realize how lost she is without him . She thinks about him every moment, every second that passes. Only in her sleep he doesn't haunt her, she is free from his presence that conquers her world. The reality has become a nightmare and she wants to sleep forever and never wake up because she can't live only with his memory._

_She wants more, she always did and always will. And she knows this can never happen. _They_ can never happen. It's just not meant to be. Her eyes water and she feels the sting of tears welling in her eyes. She didn't think she could cry anymore for him, didn't think there were more tears to be shed but she was wrong. It's not the first time she is wrong. She was always wrong in this relationship. If you can call it a relationship that is. She is wrong for wanting him, for needing him, for loving him. _

_The tears run freely now and with them she pours a part of her heart, the part that always belonged to him. She tries to keep them inside but she can't. It's like she doesn't have control over herself anymore. Her vision becomes blurry as her head fills with thoughts, thoughts of him. Her heart spilling with pain and sorrow, her throat choked with lumps she can't swallow. The only part of her body empty is her stomach. She can't bring herself to eat even though it protests loudly on the lack of food. That's the only thing she can control anymore and she holds dear to it. _

_She won't give up the only opportunity she has to win him over. To make him notice her. And she is sure he will if she stops eating, if she loses all that fat that clings to her body. So what if they say she looks fine, that she is beautiful? They just don't see it, they don't understand. She doesn't deserve to eat. She's not worth it. She is imperfect, full of flaws and she has to become exceptional to be with him. Beautiful is not enough, she thinks of amazing, divine, perfect. Only this way he will notice her. Food is overrated anyways. It's only a small sacrifice she needs to do. Sacrifice is giving up something good for something better, right? And having him is the best thing that can happen to her._

_The hunger pains feel comforting. She always preferred physical pain to emotional. And she seeks it in every way possible. The kiss of a razor on her wrist, a mouthful of pills or even the hunger pains and dizzying spells._

_She is broken. Utterly and completely broken. She is glass that has cracked and can never be fixed again. Something will always be missing and she won't be whole. That missing piece is him. She is not numb, not yet. She can still feel and that's the worst of it all. She wished she could be numb because all the overwhelming emotions are killing her. Pain, sorrow, desire, need. _

_Oh how she desires him. She longs to feel his sweet lips against her own, breathe into her and wake her up from this horrid dream just like the prince does in her favorite fairytale. She needs his arms around her to hold her because she is falling apart. She wants to hear his voice confess his undying love for her, whisper sweet nothings, comforting words and chase away the evil. Make her free again. But the salvation never comes. She is trapped in a cold and dark dream world when he is living in the happy reality she can never have._

_She dreams of his eyes. Warm and beautiful, delicious like the chocolate they resemble. As warm as his fiery personality, his passion. And she is cold, her once sparkling eyes are empty now, void, lifeless. They are fading, losing the deep color they used to have. Is that really possible? The golden brown is fading away just like her sanity is. They are more of a dark green now contrasting the red surrounding her irises. He is fire and she is water turning into ice._

_Her skin is pale, paler than usual. It was always beautiful. Flawless like a porcelain's doll. Translucent white with a brush of red on her full cheeks, radiating life and innocence. But the lack of food, of sleep, of happiness took a toll on her beauty. She is still beautiful. She remains beautiful in a tragic way. Like a fallen angel missing its halo and wings. But she is no angel because she is trapped in a world of despair and darkness. And she wants to be rescued, to be brought to the light again but he doesn't come. And without him she doesn't want to be saved._

_She is drowning in a sea full of misery and she screams for him, oh how she screams. Deep agonizing sobs escape her throat but he doesn't come. He is oblivious to her pain. To her broken heart, her troubled mind. So she decides to change. Change her hair, change her clothes, change her body to make him see her. See her in a different way. And she is willing to take drastic measures. To sacrifice her health, both physical and psychological health for him. _

_She will be beautiful for him. She is determined. She will push herself to the limit until she succeeds. And she will succeed even if the price is her life. It doesn't matter without him anyways._


End file.

Harry Potter, Drama, Romance