Glee 1. Chapter 1

**A/N**: This is random and off the top of my head. I think it took me half an hour to write, and I almost kept it for myself, but I feel like maybe it's good, so, post.

this is AU and maybe ooc for some characters. Santana and Britt were never together, nor did she sleep with Finn or anyone else for that matter. there may be some i'm missing, I'll address them in later updates.

...

It feels like an anaconda is dying in her stomach, making her both nauseous and amused, however strange that sounds in her own chemically fucked brain. She lays there, in the bed that isn't hers anymore, thinking of the blackness that slowly consumes her.

It's just as hot in the small house as it always is, and yet she feels so cold, the chills rattling the bones of her small frame. When she reaches towards the bedside table her long-deceased abuelo made to pull her phone into her insecure grasp, she thinks it's her body trying to fight back. Surely not her. She wants this. She needs it.

But then she has to think beyond the cloud of thick, dense fog the drugs put around her. Brittany should know she's leaving right? She can imagine her best friend's face when she finds out. Crocodile tears falling over the lip trapped in between white teeth as she insists that It's untrue, that the dying girl would never do this to herself. Never.

And Quinn too. The anger that will consume her, the rage she can barely keep under wraps escaping out into the world that deserves it for what it did to her. She can imagine the break down that will come after the fountain of anger runs dry.

So she tries to call them. Britt first, to say goodbye, because the blonde always gets angry when she goes anywhere without saying it first. She presses the key for her speed dial, eyes closing as she brings it to her ear. When she's done saying good bye, she'll call Quinn as soon as possible, She isn't sure how much time she has left.

It rings once before it's picked up, which is strange. She and Quinn taught the blue-eyed girl to always answer after two so she didn't seem desperate for a call.

"Britt...Britt you're supposed to only answer after two remember? You remember. You always do. I'm so sorry, Britt. I'm so sorry." She wipes her own eyes for the first time since the tears started to fall hours ago.

"Santana? Are you okay? You don't sound coherent...nor drunk exactly. I'm well aware of what you sound like when you're intoxicated." On the other end, Rachel continues to wash her face with the phone on speaker, standing in front of her mirror while she begins her nightly ritual.

"Rach...Rachel?" She didn't mean to call her. She looked at her phone, barely able to make out the smiling face of the beautiful Rachel Berry right above her name and the number three below it. Having the number was a small thing she allowed herself. Actually using it was _not_ allowed.

The same could be said for admiring her, _loving her _from afar versus actually speaking kindly or honestly. Let alone telling her any of it.

"Santana? Are you alright? You're worrying me. Do you need me to pick you up from the bar or something? I'll be there."

"Rachel...baby...no. No. You can't save me. You shouldn't. I deserve this. I deserve to die. Don't... come to my abuela's. She'll know it's you. Don't come." She couldn't really see anymore. could barely feel anything but the chill clammyness of her own palms. Her eyes closed.

"Santana?! Santana where are you? What's your grandmother's address?" No answer.

Rushing to the house phone she never used, the brunette dialed Quinn's number as quickly as possible, heart beating far too hard in her chest.

"Rachel, what the actual fuck, what do you want?" Quinn passed the bong to Mack next to her, standing to walk out onto the large balcony off the other girl's room.

"Quinn please tell me Santana's grandmother's address. I have to get to her. I have to. Please help me. What is the address?"

"Why should I tell you that? You're fucking killing my high...seriously."

"Fuck you Quinn! She's in danger! Fucking give it to me _now_!"

"Woah! Ok, um, 486 Oak Beacon in Lima heights." She knew where that was. Without even hanging up, she just grabbed her keys and ran downstairs, into the garage, and into her car, dialing the paramedics as she sped her car towards someone she could logically call her enemy. It took her ten minutes to get there, too long, she thought. Too long.

Leaving her car parked halfway on the grass, she hightailed it to the open door and pushed her way in, looking around quickly.

"Santana?! Santana Lopez please answer me!" It took her another minute to find the right room but once she did she rushed over to the unmoving body, looking down at her while she pressed her fingers against a still pulse point. She wasn't breathing either. The paramedics came running in a few seconds later, flashing bright lights into dark and dilated pupils.

She hopped into the paramedic's van when they slid her in, watching as the emt guy pressed against the latina's still heart and breathed air into her mouth.

"Do you know what she took?" The young man asked her, his eyes sympathetic, warm, and focused. She was sobbing, hand over her mouth as she shook her head.

"No...no. Please just..." It was another two minutes of hard speeding through unimportant traffic lights before they reached the hospital and rolled Santana in, asking her to stay behind in the waiting room. Maybe she would be okay, Rachel thought, she'd probably missed the pulse point, that's why she didn't feel the heavy heartbeat coursing through the vein she'd been searching for.

She called Brittany first.

"Rachie, hi! I'm glad you called me, now we can be friends like San said!" it was going to ruin the naive girl for the rest of her life. She knew it.

"Brittany, have your dad bring you to the hospital in lima heights. Something's happened to Santana." She tried to say it in a way that both was honest and gentle.

"What happened? Is she okay, Rach? She's okay right?"

"I don't know...Just get here Britt."

"Okay. We're in the car now. It'll be ten minutes. She'll be okay when I get there right? She says I always make her feel better, especially when she's sick."

"I need to call Quinn, Britt."

"Okay, I'll ask my dad to rush so i can come make San ok."

"Bye Britt." She hung up, breathing deeply as she pressed Quinn's number at speed dial five.

"Rachel, shit, _come on_ I already gave you the address so you could do whatever the fuck you wanted it for. What the hell else could you want from me?" The pink haired girl scoffed and shook her head, inhaling deeply from the joint in her mouth.

"I need you to come to the hospital in the heights as soon as possible. Something has happened to Santana. She's back there now, they wouldn't let me go with her. I'm not sure she was breathing last time I saw her, Quinn i don't know. She was cold."

"Shit! I'll be there in twenty minutes. I'm in Wapakoneta. I'll hurry. How could she do this? She's always so fucking selfish!" Rachel heard a car door slam and then the vehicle itself start up.

"I'll call her parents. I'll see you when you get here." She stood alone after hanging up, wringing her hands white with the force of it. Seven minutes passed before Brittany showed up, her father Franz following urgently behind her. Rachel had already called Mariana and Theodore Lopez and they would soon arrive if what they said was true.

"Rachel, where is she? Usually when she's sick she sits right there because there's a long wait here. She said it was because they're understaffed, but I don't know what magic has to do with long waits." Rachel disregarded the misunderstanding about staffs of magic versus understaffed and hugged the taller girl to her small body, tears still falling from her red eyes.

"It's...more serious than that, Britt Britt. Santana's in the back already. She hurt herself, and they're trying to save her. I don't know when we can see her." Leaving out the fact that the distraught girl wasn't sure whether they'd be seeing a living girl or a cold body seemed like a good idea.

"She wouldn't hurt herself. She promised me she'd stop after I caught her with my shaving razor that one time last year." She should have paid far more attention. She knew that. But there were more than thirteen people to look after...

"Not like that...like..." She looked up at Franz Pierce, and the older man nodded.

"What do you mean?"

"She tried to kill herself, Britt." It was only then that Rachel saw Quinn behind Franz, who was on the phone explaining to his wife what was happening. Hazel eyes welled with tears before they fell, already ruining the skank's dark eye make-up.

"Quinn, tell Rachie that San wouldn't do that. She promised us! She promised. I don't believe you. Just let me see her and I'll make her better! I even brought my stuffed panther. It helps her feel better when she cuddles it! Let me give it to her Rachel!" The next words from her mouth were interrupted by a doctor who came out and asked for family or a parent. Brittany's father lifted his hand.

"She's alive. We pumped her stomach, but we couldn't get it all out. It's killing her again. We're going to have to perform surgery."

"So she made it? Gracias a dios...what do i need to sign?" The Lopez parents had entered, and it was Santana's mother Mariana who spoke then stepped towards the desk when a paper-heavy clipboard was extended outwards.

"She's alright? When I checked her pulse earlier...she was...dead."

"It was probably barely noticable. She was dead for two minutes in there. We brought her back." Rachel felt herself being wrapped up in Quinn's gracefully muscular arms as she let go of even more of her body's water stores.

"Quinn...she..." All three girls embraced, futilely sharing their pain in an effort to lessen it. Quinn scowled at the Latina's parents while they filled out her medical workup. As if they knew anything about their daughter. It made he sick to her stomach

"She's alive, Rachel. It's okay."


	2. Chapter 2

She wanted to be as surprised as Rachel and as silently angry as Brittany regarding the fact that none of Santana's family had come to the hospital. Both the whole of the Lopez family and Mariana's family the Moreno's were still drinking and celebrating both Alma Lopez's birthday and the announcement of Mariana being pregnant with twin girls.

But she couldn't experience either of those emotions right now. The family's complete disregard for her friend's well being was nothing new. Quinn could only be angry with herself. If she'd been less busy trying to handle her own pain maybe she could've gotten Santana the help she needed.

The weight of the choice she'd made for Puck, Beth, and herself still had her on her knees. Quinn couldn't even count the number of times she'd been told she made the right decision for her baby by giving her up. Everyone always tried to tell her how she had been barely sixteen, how could she have taken care of a baby? How would she have supported her.

No one ever seemed to care to realize that Judy Fabray, and Quinn herself by extension was filthy fucking rich. They never asked her about how it was ridiculously easy to pass her classes with A's without any real attention being paid. She thought now that maybe she and Puck could have found a way to raise their daughter right. When she asked her mother if she would have been allowed to move back in with Beth the answer had been yes.

It was only now that she realized that her decision had been selfish. Quinn Fabray had wanted her life back. Her family, her possibility for a future outside of Lima.

The point was in the end she didn't _have_ her daughter. So she could've taken care of Santana. Could've looked after her. Done her best to love her best friend the the Latina had always found a way to love her even when she didn't deserve it.

Walking back inside the emergency waiting room after smoking stomping out the last cigarette in her pack, Quinn walked back over to Brittany and Rachel. It seemed that both the father's were elsewhere. She caught the tail end of the conversation Santana's mother was having.

"...No, no you tell everyone to stay. Mami's birthday shouldn't be ruined by Santana's selfish behavior. We'll call you later." Quinn pressed her hand against her abdomen, wishing her stomach would settle. hadn't she just said Santana was selfish on the phone with Rachel? She felt horrible. It was something her two brunette 'friends' had in common, being told that often by people they would think cared about them.

"You don't get to say that, Mrs. Lopez. You don't...no. Not about her." Brittany was harshly gripping the stuffed panther in her hands, a scowl covering her features.

"Excuse me, Brittany?" Santana's mother said, sliding her phone back into her purse.

"You don't get to call Sannie selfish! You're selfish! Both of you! You don't even care about her...do you? You always ignore her and treat her like she's the least important part of your lives and you always leave her in that big house alone! Don't you call her selfish." The tall blonde stepped forward, having dropped her panther, her knuckles white fisted at her sides.

"My daughter is _nothing_ if not selfish, Brittany. Shameful perhaps. But you wouldn't understand that would you. I'm _not_ sorry to say there isn't much you _do_ seem to understand." Rachel was the first to notice the tears falling from stormy blue eyes, gently, she hugged Brittany and pushed her behind her as if to absorb the hateful and hurtful words herself.

"It's okay, Britt. She's wrong. You understand more than any of us."

"_What_ the fuck did you just say to her you stupid bitch?" Quinn was seconds away from giving Mariana Lopez the black eye she had always deserved, but then she looked down at her belly and noticed the swell that she knew held two unborn children."

"You apologize right _now_." Rachel said, her finger pointed towards the beautiful but cruel face of the woman who really _hadn't_ raised her friend.

"I'm sorry, who exactly _are_ you?" Rachel turned around to wipe the tears from pale cheeks when she heard Britt sniffle, then turned back and offered her hand in a firm handshake that surprisingly the older woman reciprocated.

"My name is Rachel Barbra Berry. I'm a friend of your daughter's. Now apologize. About both comments. I will not ask again kindly." Upon hearing the shortest girl's name, the woman's brow raised and her lip curled in what Quinn knew to be curiosity and judgement.

"Berry."

"Yes. You heard correct. I do believe you were about to apologize for insulting two people I care greatly for."

"Rachel Barbra Berry."

"We went over this, yes." Rachel was even more confused when the woman started laughing loudly.

"The glee club singer, the one with 'the voice'? Future NYADA student and future EGOT winner? Ha, Santi was right. You are beautiful. And quite short, and verbose. So you're _the_ girl, then?"

"I am not sure I know what exactly it is that you mean. What girl? Quinn, Brittany what does she mean?" Brittany just shook her head and mouthed 'later'.

"You shut up, Mariana. The least you can do is not go spilling your daughter's secrets.

"Oh, but Miss Fabray, don't you think the girl should know? I'm sure she'll be fine with it with the whole being raised by two men and all. isn't that what they say?" Quinn seriously wanted to give her that black eye.

"Know what? Will someone just tell me?"

"My _daughter_, Rachel Barbra Berry, is in -" Brittany stepped forward and quickly put her hands over Rachel's ears and picked her up, running off towards the cafeteria. Quinn watched as they disappeared, managing to crack a smile at the small girl's protests.

"Brittany Pierce you put me down, _this instance_!" The smile fell from her face when she turned back towards Mariana Lopez.

"You are a horrible excuse for a mother. And that's coming from me. I would tell you that you should start thinking about what's really important to you, but it's obvious to me and more importantly to your daughter that you made it a long time a go and that Santana was not on the list."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: thank you all for continuing to read this. It's become something I pour emotion into and to think you guys enjoy it feels great. Thank you.

"Do you know that I once told her that I didn't know how any of us could hold it together if she died? I reminded her of how much you already seemed to feel whenever anyone in the club was hurting or seemed to just need a smile or hug. I think I told her that you'd maybe blame yourself. That you'd be devastated. That me and Britt might not be able to keep living without her. It was during that time when both of us were living with Britt because Santana just stopped going home...they never noticed. And I was pregnant with Beth and had been kicked out by my own parents. I had long since realized that she was not the person she made people think she was. Santana has these emotional masks that she carries around. Depending on the situation she puts on different ones. You know, Rach. Her characters." Rachel nodded, sipping at the coffee Britt's father had brought them while they waited.

"Confident, mean, sarcastic, hostile, outspoken. Most people would say those things if you asked them to say five words that characterizes her. Really she's quiet, insecure, sweet, genuine, caring. Overall she is just...so hurt. She and I both know a lot about neglectful, uncaring, and harmful parents, but it affects us differently."

"I build walls as thick as possible around my heart and my mind, I keep out the hurt, the pain, the hate they have towards me. It also keeps me from feeling the love people who care about me try to show. It's part of why I have such a hard time believing people when they say they love me, or that they think i'm beautiful. Through my inability to feel, I hurt my friends. I hurt you, I hurt San, and most of all Britt. We're like sisters and she's besides honestly Beth, you and S the most important person to me and she loves me more than anyone and I just...I can barely feel for her no matter how hard I try...And I'm sorry." Rachel squeezed the hand she'd reached for and Brittany leaned closer and wrapped her arms around one of her oldest friends.

"It's okay, Quinn. I know you're trying." Britt said, still frustrated.

"With San it's different. She tries not to show it, but she feels everything. When someone says something to her...and I hate to even say these things but...if someone calls her a slut, say's she's selfish, tell's her she's useless and no one needs her around, that she's nothing but a shame on her family, she believes it. All of it. And she lays awake at night thinking of everything everyone has said about her that day, absorbing all of it. Thinking you know, that if everyone keeps saying these things about her they must be true. If her family, her friends, the club says these things, she should take them to heart. Try to be better for them. That's who she really is. "

"Even if she isn't the type of person you two say...She doesn't deserve for people to say those things about her. She doesn't the deserve the things I sometimes say either." Rachel said, remembering some of the truly hurtful things she'd said or done the girl who was fighting for her life. If she was honest with herself she had always tried to keep herself in the dark about who the Latina may or may not really be. Getting her hopes up and thinking she'd have a friend was something she learned long ago to abandon before she broke her own heart

"I get that you find it hard to believe who she is and that she honestly cares so much about you given the way she's acted. Given the fact that none of us deserve your friendship after what we've said and done to you. I would never ask for it...that would be putting a piece of me in your hands to crush like I deserve, but I know Britt has already asked and been forgiven. What you should know about Santana is that she hated doing all of it. You know sometimes when she said something really mean in glee and Britt would 'let slip' that she was sorry and hadn't meant it and make her apologize?"

Rachel nodded, recalling a similar incident just a two weeks prior when she had asked the other girl if she wanted to sing a duet with her and mentioned that they could meet at the Lopezes home later to practice if she agreed and the girl who had seemed just as excited at the idea had shut it down and said something about how she had already reached her maximum amount of selfish, overbearing, and annoying for the day.

She remembers being hurt all over again, the tears that hat fallen once she was alone in the choir room. The next day Britt had mentioned how the Latina hadn't meant it what she'd said and forced her to apologize. She had tried to look at least a little nonchalant but Rachel could see that it at least _appeared_ honest.

"Rach...I mean Rachel. I'm really sorry. I didn't even mean what I said. And I was excited about it too or whatever. It was you mentioning going to my house that made me trip. I know I told everyone that things were cool with my parents and me being out and everything but they like...they're barely tolerating it and If I have a girl over...specifically if I have _you _over they'll flip their shit and I don't want them to say something to hurt you the way I always manage to. You don't deserve it. And they don't deserve to meet you, you're too good for them and me...I mean...I'm...sorry. Britt, I apologized, can I have my phone back? She looked back smiling when her phone was slid into her hands.

"You can have it back. But you're doing the duet. Practice at Rachel's or at mine." Santana turned back with a timid smile.

"Is that okay?" Rachel nodded.

"You're forgiven by the way. But you don't have to lash out, if something is bothering you Santana you can talk to me. Seeing as I handed out and received numbers for the entire club as a responsibility as it's captain you have my number. Just call me if you need me. I mean... need to talk." Rachel grimaced, waiting for the inevitable comment about no one ever needing or for that matter wanting her. It never came.

"You know what...if I need you, Rach. I'll call you. I promise." The shorter girl smiled in surprise.

"I'm going to hug you now." She wrapped the Latina in her arms, smiling at Brittany behind Santana's back who was smiling wider than the girl had ever seen.

Back in the present, Rachel smiled at the memory of Santana hugging her back, smiling at her as they separated.

"She begged Britt to do what she did. Santana just needed an excuse to make things right with you.

"I don't understand. If it's true why? Why does she even care? It's confusing."

"I know. But I told you about this so you can understand what I meant before. I told her that if she died me and Britt may not be able to keep living without her, that you would be really hurt too and that matters _so_ much to her. But she tried to kill herself. I seriously can't help but feel like someone said something seriously fucked to her. Like Mariana or maybe Alma. I just...I feel it. She promised us she wouldn't do this. And I believed her, I trust her still even though she tried to do it when she said she wouldn't. I know Britt does too. I feel like she wouldn't have done this if she felt like there was a better option." Quinn finished, sitting back against the marginally comfortable chair in the waiting room. The three of them were the only people there for Santana at the moment. Britt's dad had brought coffee and left again to get some actual food.

"I do. She promised me and Quinn. And remember, she said she couldn't die yet, she had to look after you, Rach. She said she had to live long enough to see you at your First Opening night on Broadway and your Tony Win, your EGOT win. She always used to tell us how excited she was to see you become the star you've always been destined to grow into." Quinn didn't fight Britt on the information she was letting out. Rachel deserved to know that she had always had and always would have someone in her corner.

"Yea. I remember how excited she was when you got Maria instead of Cedes. How she jumped in to support you in that argument the club had when Mercedes was basically verbally attacking you only for that selfish bitch to mention the thing about her not eating. Like she doesn't try. Like she didn't fight with that disease for more than a year and win just to have it thrown in her face."

"Wait I don't understand, are you saying she had an eating disorder?"

"Um...yea. It got started because a doctor her parents forced her to see prescribed her some type of med for anxiety or depression or something but as a side affect it killed her appetite and she kind of just stopped eating. But it's something you should talk about with her. She's ashamed and embarrassed about it and it's better she explains to you herself."

"You think she would talk to _me_ about something like that?" Rachel asked, skeptical.

"Rachie she'd tell you anything or do anything for you. Just ask her once all this has calmed down. She'll be at my house. Quinn too." She said, pointing to the pink-haired girl.

"And no more of this. It's hurting her and me and Rachel too. Just come home, Q. I miss you and this isn't _helping_ you. It's killing your future. I know you still want to study drama like you said and you're just afraid but don't be. I love you so much and I'll help you but you can't just _ignore_ us and get drunk and high all the time. I mean I don't even know the next time I'd have sat next to you and just...just talked to you and hugged you if San hadn't...If Rach hadn't had to call you down here. I know San feels like it's her fault and I just want my Quinn back. And Rachel has been fighting so hard to get you back into a club you love and back with your friends and feeling okay again And you lied to her just now. Like you think she would have rejected us because of it? She's a better person than that. You know that. You're breaking my heart, Quinn." The tears and the pain turned icy blue eyes darker as they washed over usually bright irises and down Brittany's cheeks. Her throat hurt as she drank from the too warm coffee. The pink-haired girl frowned and brushed the tears away, pressing gentle kisses against Britt's forehead. Rachel frowned. Britt was always so observant. She was right.

"Baby I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know I'm so_ fucked up_. I just...I didn't want her to know...I didn't want her to tell me I don't deserve you. As much as I keep fucking everything up she'd be right. We all keep talking like it's a sure thing but if San doesn't make it you're all I have. I know I never told you but I am trying...I'm trying and I do love you Britt. So fucking much." Both girls were crying and Rachel was just shocked and feeling insulted, rejected, and confused about everything that had been said by both girls about Santana's support of her and about their apparent relationship. She got up from her seat unnoticed and toss the dregs of her coffee away, wondering about how Santana was doing in surgery. Looking down at her phone she realized they'd been there for ten hours and it was barely after eight am. Dialing her daddy's number she bit her lip. She hoped they wouldn't be too angry. She'd hardly thought about anything but the dying girl who'd called her using what she had feared would be her last words until just now.

"Rachel, baby girl why are you calling? Shouldn't you be in second hour now? Are you sick, do you need me to come get you?"

"No, no daddy. A friend of mine is in the hospital. Santana Lopez? You remember her i'm sure. She's been over a couple of times and you were introduced."

"Of course I remember her. What's happened? Do you need me to call and tell them you need to skip the rest of the day so you can visit her?" Leroy asked, pacing his office, luckily he didn't have another patient for an hour.

"No, daddy I'm already here. I know you probably thought I went to school early this morning...but last night Santana called me and she had...daddy she tried to kill herself and I rushed over to find her and rode to the hospital. I've been here since ten last night. She's in surgery right now and I just realized you might worry when the school inevitably calls you to say that I'm missing. Could you call in for me, Santana and Quinn too? I don't know what you'll have to do to let you call in for them but I'm sure you'll manage. Brittany's father Franz has already called in for her." She fell into a chair far from the other two girls, feeling lonely even with her father across the line.

"Of course baby girl. I'll call and let your father know what's happening as well. I think I understand about needing to call for Quinn, but what about Santana's parents?" Rachel scowled and dug her fingernails into the soft flesh of her thigh below the shorts she had on, itching to hurt someone or something. Herself maybe. It wasn't a feeling she was accustomed to.

"They're useless, horrible excuses for parents. I cannot even honestly say that I believe they _love_ their daughter daddy. I don't want to talk about it now. Maybe see if daddy can call and get an update, it's been hours since they last gave us any information about how she's doing and I'm scared daddy. They said she was dead for a few minutes and just... I'm so scared. I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't make it. Quinn is falling apart and Brittany has started trying to be strong for us but I know how much all of this is hurting her. Could you and daddy just...come by after work? I could use a hug and some love, dad."

"Of course, little star. We'll even bring some good food and hot chocolate. What hospital are you in, i'm assuming not your Dad's or you'd have already talked to him?"

"The one in Lima Heights. Britt said it's usually pretty crowded but luckily for the staff it seems pretty slow today." She said. She couldn't keep bleeding her emotions out from the heart on her sleeve. If she was going to be okay she felt like maybe she had to shut down until she could be in the cocoon of warmth that was her fathers' arms.

"I love you, Rachel." She felt the tears fall anyway, betraying how twisted up she felt.

"I love you too, Daddy. I'll...I'll see you at three?"

"Are you sure you don't need us to come right now? I don't have any important appointments with patients today, just checkups. I could come now and your daddy can come after his shift is over." He said, detecting the thickness in her voice that told him she was crying.

"No...no daddy it's fine. I'll be fine. Love you, bye."

"Ok, bye Rachel." She hung up the phone. Heading to the vending machine to buy three bottles of water and walking back to the two blonde girls who were huddled together still crying. She handed them over, sitting down several seats away. Water always helped her feel better when she cried and she thought maybe it was the same for everyone.

"Thank you, Rach." Quinn said, her usually smooth smoky voice froggy. She eyed the shortest girl, worry clouding her features as she flicked her eyes over to her girlfriend, knowing she could see the same troubling signs of Rachel beginning to do something none of them had ever seen her do. Break.

"Welcome." She said, bringing her knees up to her chest and hugging them, her usually bright and enchanting mahogany eyes dimmed and surrounded by red while she tried to pull her emotions in, tried to lock them away for now. This wasn't about her anyway. It was about Santana. It was Santana who was fighting for her life. Slowly she shut down, just sitting there, breathing, wishing the time would pass faster. Honestly, she wanted to see Santana again even more that she needed her Daddies.

For a second she wondered, darkly, about how different things would be if it was she who'd tried to take her own life. If there would be anyone but her father's sitting in this room hoping she'd survive. Who she would've called. Santana? Quinn? Brittany? She didn't know. She thought that maybe she wouldn't have called anyone. Maybe she would have just died. Alone.


	4. Chapter 4

Rachel hasn't said a single word in seven hours when Leroy and Hiram Berry walk into the hospital. She isn't asleep, just sitting there, head leaned forward against her knees. It's Hiram that first sees her sitting there with blank red rimmed eyes as she looks up and sighs then lays her head back down.

Britt's dad had work and agreed not to call in sick when Rachel nodded to tell him that yes, her fathers would be there in a few hours.

Hiram had been worried about her ever since his husband called to inform him of what was happening, but now he was sincerely scared for her. He'd only ever seen her this way when Shelby rejected her and that had lasted only lasted a few weeks before Rachel resolved to be thankful for what she had and not mourn the loss of a mother she'd never truly had to begin with.

He knew that the girls were friends, he'd met Santana and liked her as a friend for Rachel. She'd been happy, funny, and intensely intelligent with the sarcastic wit Rachel had told him she enjoyed. It had been all too obvious after three or four visits that the young woman was in love with his daughter and he obviously had no problem with that. In fact all he'd been worried about was how her parents would treat her if they found out. Looking over at least a dozen seats away from his daughter he saw Quinn and Brittany cuddled together with a stuffed black panther as comfortably as possible, asleep. He didn't think they'd have a problem. Last time he'd heard, Judy Fabray didn't really care about her daughter at all.

He'd called an old colleague and got an update on the Latina's status that he figured Rachel would be happy to hear. They were just now moving her to the ICU to make sure she had everything she needed to get her out of the woods. Kneeling down next to his unobservant daughter, Hiram cleared his throat and caught her eyes. She always did say she knew their voices among any others.

"Dad...Hi. Thank you for coming. Where's daddy?" She sounded so tired, and spoke so quietly he could barely hear her.

"I called Thomas as soon as your father informed me and it's been about an hour and a half. He's calling again to check and see if there's any updates. They put her in the ICU but she's wasn't allowed visitors last I checked. Your Daddy will see if we can change that, baby girl. Are you ok? You look so tired, Rachel. Wanna cuddle with your old dad and maybe get some sleep?"

"Yes, please. I haven't slept in more than thirty-one hours. I couldn't. When they say we can go back could you wake me? I don't want to miss being able to see her. I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to again. I know you think that I need sleep. That it's more important, but it's not, okay? So please wake me if we can see her."

Hiram went to speak but her eyes were closed and she was out in an instant. He sighed and looked over at the still slumbering blondes with tired expressions. None of the four girls deserved the pain they carried and would continue to carry because after this. His daughter's exhaustion would pass and then it would be all too obvious in her eyes. Half an hour later his husband approached.

"So what's the prognosis Dr. Berry?" He asked his husband as the taller man leant down to run his hand through their slumbering daughter's hair.

"ICU and visitors. Apparently her parents essentially signed away to pay and to have Franz make decisions. I talked to him a few hours ago and he's signed it over to us. I mean, obviously we've met them and they're silent bigots but how could they treat their daughter like this?"

"I don't know Lee. But let's wake her. I know she's so so tired but she insisted."

"Alright, I'll wake the girls you get her up." He waked away to gently shake Brittany's shoulder until her blue eyes opened and she frowned. Leroy leaned down to tell her that they could go see Santana and she sat up quickly, waking Quinn.

"Britt, baby what's wrong? San okay? You okay? Where's Rachel?"

"Shh, Quinn calm down, Rachel's daddy came to tell us we can go see Sannie."

"Ok, let's go. Where's Rachel?" She looked down the row of seats and saw the brunette standing and slipping on the hoodie her father had brought her as she walked towards them.

"Are we ready? Brittany don't forget your panther. We can put it on a table for her since it makes her feel better." The blonde smiled as she grabbed the over sized toy and then followed after the brunette who looked smaller than she ever had in the time the tallest blonde had known her. She honestly worried about her. She had essentially shut down seven hours ago and she'd never seen her this way. Honestly Brittany was starting to wonder if maybe Quinn was right and Rachel cared more about their friend than she even knew herself.

it took them seven or eight minutes to arrive outside Santana's room and while Leroy and Hiram went to the desk to check over the medical stuff, all three girls pushed the door open together then walked inside.

Rachel was crying as soon as she saw her lying there as pale as she'd ever seen her, tubes in her arms and it seemed at least, a machine currently breathing for her. She rushed forward towards the bed, taking a warm free hand in her own. She looked back at Quinn as she squeezed the hand she held, taking a seat in the chair that was just behind her.

"She's so pale Quinn. But she's warm again." Rachel smiled, turning back to look at Santana again just as Brittany sat in the chair on the other side and pushed it closer to the bed. A few seconds later her girlfriend settled in her lap.

"She'll be okay, right?"

"Yes, Brittany she will be. We just checked everything out and she should be fine. She's probably exhausted. And her body needs rest, fluids, and to replace the blood she's lost from the surgery." Leroy said as Rachel's dads walked into the room and sat on the bench seat against the windowed wall.

"So what's gonna happen with her? I know her fucking parents like signed her off or something medically right? And she's eighteen so...i mean I swear I heard them saying she couldn't live with them anymore." Quinn wanted to reconsider her decision to not punch Mariana Lopez in the face.

"I'm glad you asked, since I get the feeling you and Brittany will be dropping by our home alot. Santana will be living with us if she and Rachel agree once she's up and running again."

"Oh, really?! Sanny will love that! She always tells me how much she likes you and the other mister Berry too."

"You can call us Leroy and Hiram Brittany. You too Quinn,"

"Of course I agree. I want her to be safe and I don't feel like she gets that at home. Will she be ready to go back to school once she's released or will she have to wait? I mean what will happen?"

"We need to find someone for her to speak to. This can't happen again. I refuse to lose her. I'll get a job, I'll pay for it, but I don't know how to find someone reputable, I was hoping you could help with that. I know that's what you do, right Leroy?"

"Yes, I'm a psychiatrist. And I know of some suggestions we can make to her. But Quinn we won't let you pay for that. We'll take care of it."

"Look, I have to do _something_. Please."

"Quinnie you could figure out what whoever said to her so we can take care of that. Then we can make her understand that it wasn't true and we won't have to worry about this happening again." Rachel had removed herself from the conversation, more focused on the hand in hers. She looked up at the slumbering girl's face, surprised by how angelic she looked when sleeping. Even without makeup and hooked up to the few machines and IV's she still looked like a model.

"Has she ever modeled?" She looked away for just a moment to lock eyes with both Quinn and Brittany.

"Hmm? No. I mean her parents tried to get her to model for H&M once for someone they that knew worked pretty high up in marketing there but she refused. She doesn't like doing stuff like that. Why?"

Quinn's eyebrow rose at the end of her girlfriends words, watching the way Rachel held one of her sleeping friend's hand and with her other, stroked the girl's wrist. Maybe things weren't so hopeless on that front as Santana believed. Rachel leaned forward and gently pushed away a lock of hair on the sleeping latina's face, further cementing Quinn's line of thought.

"She's so beautiful, even without makeup and connected to these machines and IVs that I just thought it. I've seen it in her before...like prom last year in her red dress. She was perfect."

"San said the same thing about you. And remember when the two of you took a prom picture for fun? She keeps it framed in her room" Quinn caught her girlfriend's eyes shaking her head. Rachel would have to talk to Santana about all of this. The last thing the girl would want to wake up to hear was that they had spilled about her love for the diminutive girl.

"I don't understand any of this. How her mother knew who I was and all that those things about me, what you told me about her earlier. I... what does it mean? What was she about to say when Britt carried me away?"

"I know you're curious and I also know how much you hate to be kept out of the loop, baby girl. But you should wait until Santana wakes up and has some time to settle in to find out from her. This is the type of thing you would hate for us to tell anyone without your consent, ok?" Quinn's eyes shot over to Hiram Berry, surprised by the fact that it seemed he knew that Santana loved his daughter.

"Ok."

"When's the last time any of you ate anything?"

"My Dad brought us bagels really late last night at like two or something. And Rachel bought me and Quinn some granola bars from the vending machine this morning. I was so worried and tired I didn't realize it but I am really really hungry."

"Ok, I'll go get food. Anything you girls wanted in particular?"

"Pasta would be great if you wouldn't mind. Any kind, I don't think any of us are picky right now." Quinn said. The shorter man nodded then disappeared for a few minutes, coming back in with two folded cots that he pushed against the wall for later. He opened one up and lay a few blankets on it. Quinn looked about five minutes from passing out from exhaustion.

"We still have a lot of the lasagna I made last night daddy, can you maybe bring that and some clothes for me and Britt to change into? Not spending the rest of the day in pajamas sounds like a great idea."

"Will do. Hiram, why don't you go get coffee for the girls? I'm off, I shouldn't be long." Both men kissed their daughter on the forehead then walked out the door, leaving the three girls alone with the still slumbering Santana. Quinn stood and leaned over to kiss the Latina's forehead then walked over and sat back down leaning into her girlfriend and closing her eyes.

Rachel wondered what it was like, being that close to someone that truly loves, trusts, and believes in you. It was something she didn't believe she'd ever had romantically. Something she was afraid she'd never have. She couldn't help but feel that Finn had never loved her. Sometimes she wondered if he was capable of loving anyone but himself. Or maybe Quinn. But that was obviously a dead end given how much the blonde loved her girlfriend.

"Britt I just thought about it, but Santana's going to miss school. I had my daddy call in for me, you, and Quinn for today but she'll miss more than that. Do we just tell them she's sick?"

"Yea. She won't want any of them to know. Maybe your dad can like write one of those doctor notes so they'll leave her alone and until she wakes up maybe we can do her homework so she doesn't get behind. I know you probably think it's wrong to do that once Quinn and I take care of who ever influenced her to do this and she's okay again she'll hate to realize she may not graduate do to being out like this. If you don't want to help I understand. Quinn will take care of it."

"I'll talk to my father about what to tell the school. And honestly I don't mind helping with the homework issue, Brittany. She's more important to me than my previous misgivings about doing someone's homework for them."

"Rach...are you okay?" The blonde was worried about her. She'd been silent nearly all day except for the times she'd brought both she and Quinn food. Brittany had not failed to notice she hadn't eaten herself. She knew her girlfriend was worried that it would be this after all the things that had been done to her by their hands and others' that would break her.

"Of course I'm fine. It's Santana who isn't. It's her I'm worried about. You should worry more about her and less about me." The dancer frowned, standing and lifting her girlfriend before laying her down on one of the cots Rachel's dad had brought in for them. She walked around to the brunette side of Santana's bed and sat next to her.

"I am worried about her too. A lot, really. But she would want me to take care of you too while she's asleep and can't. Want to tell me what you're thinking about?" The brunette sighed.

"Earlier I was wondering how different things would be if it had been me who had done this instead of her."

"Wait, Rach you're not gonna hurt yourself too, right? You wouldn't do that right? You have to promise me and keep it. We can't lose you...If Sannie woke up and found out you were gone she would just try again." The tears came quickly and Rachel accepted the much taller girl into her arms, rubbing her back in slow, large, circles.

"No...hey calm down for me Britt Britt. Everything is okay. I promise you I won't do that and I promise I'll keep it alright? I was just thinking that I probably wouldn't have called anyone because I'd have no one to call. I thought that maybe I'd just die and It would just be my dads at the funeral."

"I don't want you to die but we'd be at the funeral singing for you if you did. San would talk about you and remind everyone why we loved you so much. I know the things we've each said and done to you have been really messed up and I know we're all like really sorry and stuff. Especially San. And maybe it made you feel like with the exception of your dad's you're alone but it isn't true ok? We love you. We care about you. Quinn too... even though I know she's probably said like the opposite of what I'm saying in the last few months."

Rachel wanted to tell her that it was all bullshit. Wanted to lash out some how... in some way get rid of the anger and anxiety that had filled her to her brink since she'd rushed to the little house in Lima Heights. Instead she just lay her head on the hospital bed next to Santana's hands and closed her eyes, sighing and breathing deeply. Willing her to wake up and help everything make sense again. It was strange for her to realize that with everything she was learning as a result of what her friend had done, she was completely lost without her.


End file.

Glee, Friendship, Hurt-Comfort