Vampire Diaries 1. How it started

**Warning! Smut and incest. Don't like, don't read. It's just a story. One I was in the mood to write. I don't want to offend anyone. **

I never have kept a diary in my life. I always thought diaries were for girls. Besides that I have always been afraid of what would happen once I would start to write down the things I have done in my life and the way they made me feel. Wouldn't writing them down make my life even harder then it already is? Written words have power. Written words make things real you otherwise could have denied or forgotten. Now something has happened. I cannot talk about it with anybody and I have too many feelings I cannot handle. I hope writing it down will help me process it and ease the pain a little.

Rebekah came to me last night. I think I had just fallen asleep at the moment she softly crawled under the sheets next to me. Before I noticed what was going on she had pressed her soft small body against mine. It was at that moment I was shocked to realize she no longer had the body of a girl. She had developed curves in all the right places. I could feel them through the fabric of her nightgown. To my shame I must admit I immediately got an erection.

My first reaction was to push her away. After all if Mikael would catch us I would risk a severe beating and my wounds from the last one still hadn't healed. When we were smaller she always snuck beside me in my bed, for mutual comfort. When her fourteenth birthday had passed Mikael simply forbid her to sleep in my bed. To me he was a little more explicitly convincing. He told me he would break both my legs if I ever let her sleep in my bed again.

Something in her breathing, a sob, stopped me from acting on my first impulse. I lit the candle so I could see her face. First I noticed her luscious lips looked swollen, like she had been weeping. Then my eyes met hers and my suspicion got confirmed. Her eyes were red and moist, like she had been crying forever and simply had run out of tears. My chest clenched and I had to swallow hard a couple of times before I was able to speak like the big brother she obviously needed me to be tonight. My thumb caressed her bottom lip. "Bekah? Love? What is wrong?"

"Mikael told me I have to get married." "What? You are only 15 years old, has he become insane? What does our mother have to say about the matter? Surely she cannot agree with him?" I clenched my fists.

"That's not all...he wants me to marry mr. Gustafson." A cold hand seemed to have gripped my heart. "No...it can't be true." I whispered. "Mikael loves you, why would he want you to marry that monster of a man?" Mikael does indeed love my little sister. The fact he doesn't have one bit of love for me doesn't change the fact she is the sunshine in his life. So I was seriously puzzled when Rebekah brought me this news. My first reaction was there had to be some kind of mistake, surely she misunderstood.

"He told me he owes Mr. Gustafson a lot of money, Nik. Dad was actually crying when he told me the news. If I am willing to marry him, he was willing to let Mikael of the hook. Mother was crying too, Nik, they both said it was the only solution. The other solution is to run and never come back here."

"But..." I whispered. "The last three girls he married all died in their first week of marriage, surely they would not want anything bad to happen to you." I started to feel the familiar rage building up behind my eyes. "Nik...please." Bekah looked at me pleading. "You must help me." "Of course I will help you, I will help you run away." I hastily promised Rebekah.

"No, that's not going to help. I want you to take my virginity."

For the first time in my life I was at a loss for words. She kissed me, before I could recover and at the same time she grabbed my cock. "Bekah!" I was totally shocked by her shameless behaviour and to my shame, aroused...

I struggled to regain control over the situation and took her hands in mine. "Rebekah, love, have you lost your mind? I am your brother, how could I possibly do such a thing. It is a sin, you know that don't you?"

"Nik, please, I have no one else to ask, I know you love me and will be gentle with me. Surely you know what happened to the other girls?" As a matter of fact, I didn't. No one ever tells me shit and frankly I didn't really care, I didn't even know those girls.

"He fucked them Nik and they just bled out and died. There are rumours his very size was too much to handle for virgin girls. The other rumour is he uses virgin girls in some sort of pagan sacrifice. People whisper that he is immortal, thanks to the virgin blood. Every spring it starts all over again and a couple of girls mysteriously die."

I needed time to digest all the information she was giving me. Frankly my imagination started running wild from the moment she asked me to take her virginity, so it took me a little longer than usual to process. "Nik! Please tell me you will help me!" She urged when I didn't answer her. "You will hate me forever Bekah, if I comply with your request. I cannot do what you are asking me to do, please understand."

She started to sob incontrollably. Then she got up and said: "Fine, I will ask Kol instead." I grabbed her wrist just before she was out of my reach. "You won't do such a thing." I heard myself say. "I will take your virginity myself, Kol would only hurt you." She flashed me her heart-melting smile and my courage almost left me. "I know Nik, why do you think I chose you?"

My mouth got dry and I felt very uneasy. I was so scared I was gonna hurt her. I have had more sexual encounters than I could count thusfar and most of the women I had slept with confirmed that my cock was above average both in length as in width. Apart from my measurements I was also terrified I might lose myself in the moment and would not be able to give her pleasure as well. My sister looks ravishing and there is not a man in town who doesn't lust after her, including me.

"Bekah, you know I will try to be careful, but nonetheless it is gonna hurt, you know." She looked at me with so much confidence and love in her eyes my heart skipped a beat. "I know you will do your best not to hurt me more than necessary, Nik, I trust you. I can stand the pain, you know that." She took my hand and laid it on her breast. "I love you Nik." She whispered softly. "I know you are my brother, but I couldn't think of anyone I would rather give my body than you."

With what must have sound like a rather primitive growl I pulled her close to me. My lips crashed into hers. She tasted so good, like honey, like flowers in the spring, like...I nearly lost all self control. I had a hard time thinking coherently, since my carnal instincts were taking over. But I couldn't let that happen. I had to be worthy of her trust. I forced myself to take it slowly.

"Take off your clothes, love." I whispered. In the time she was struggling with her nightdress I took off my own clothes. She was even more beautiful than I had ever imagined. When we were both naked I pulled her close to me again.

I started stroking her hair and her face. My hands were playing with the soft and shiny blond tresses and somehow it calmed me down. My fingers followed the beautiful features of her face, the soft flawless skin, her moist warm lips. I was lying on my back. She lay down beside me on her side, her face on my shoulder. I was almost touched to tears by her innocence and her faith in me. After stroking her hair for minutes, my hand wandered down and started caressing her shoulders and her back. I wanted to take things as slow as possible, she deserved that. Never before had I worshipped a woman's body like I was doing now. I was surpised how erotic the experience was without being sexual. When my hands found her buttocks she started to tremble a little. "Shh, it's ok, don't be afraid." I whispered in her hair. I lifted up her chin and looked her in the eyes. "Bekah, sweetheart, promise me if you change your mind don't be afraid to stop me at any given moment, ok?" "I promise, Nik, don't worry."

She initiated the next forbidden kiss between us. Her soft lips gently touched mine. I let her take control, I barely dared to kiss her back. When her lips parted and her tongue came out to explore my mouth, I moaned and took over. My tongue was wrestling with hers and I got the impression this wasn't her first kiss. The thought of other men kissing my beautiful sister made me furious and I got more possessive in my actions. I could feel her resisting, she struggled to get loose. I scared her. "Nik, please stop." She begged me. Slowly I came to my senses again. "Sorry, love, but where did you learn to kiss like that?" She had the decency to blush heavily. "Don't be so jealous, Nik, if it makes you feel any better, I always imagine it's you I am kissing. I have been having fantasies about you all my life." She blushed even deeper now and I gave her a tight hug. She continued: "When you were sleeping with other women I always tried to catch a glimpse of you. I listened to the sounds you were making and I was feeling sad and envious."

"And now, love, I am gonna do all those things to you and make you moan with pleasure." I gently pushed her down on her back and started kissing the mounds of her breasts. When I licked her nipples they turned into little hard pink beads. She softly moaned with pleasure. My fingers drifted to her core. I could feel she was already damp there. I knelt between her tighs. She whimpered when my lips landed on her folds. Slowly my tongue started exploring her most intimate parts. When I found her pearl I gave it a soft lick upwards. I gave her time to get used to the intimate feeling before I started to add more pressure. She tried to back away from me, overwhelmed by the sensations. "Nik, don't...let's just fuck, ok?"

"No, Bekah, I want you to enjoy it. Don't be afraid. Just keep breathing and get on top of the feelings, don't let them wash over you. Imagine it like swimming in the ocean. You would relax and let yourself be carried by the waves instead of letting them wash over you." She drew a deep shaky breath and laid back again. I continued my gentle licking and sucking and I could feel her tiny bundle of nerves tighten under my tongue. "Nik", she gasped. Then her orgasm hit her hard and she moaned loudly.

I was scared someone might hear her and I smothered her moans with a kiss. "Is this what I taste like?" she whispered when she realized she tasted her own fluids on my lips. "Yes, love." I grinned. "Nik, that was amazing! I want to taste you as well!" I softly chuckled but pushed her back when she reached for my cock. "Later, Bekah, lie still now." She yelped loudly when I gently pushed my smallest finger inside her. "It hurts, Nik!" God she was so tight, how on earth would I ever totally fit inside her? I put my mouth back over her pussy and soon I felt her relaxing again. I carefully started moving my finger inside her when I thought she could handle it. "Oh...Nik..." she moaned my name. I tried adding a second finger inside her, but it was too tight.

"Sorry, Bekah, I think we better stop for today. Your entrance is very small, we have to take it step by step." She shot up from the bed, tears in her eyes. "Nonsense, Nik, I think you are just not man enough to take me, I am sure Kol won't be having that problem! He will finish the job, you are a coward!" A red haze came before my eyes when she shouted all these angry words at me. I should have known better, she was hurt, she didn't mean a thing she was saying, but I just lost it.

I threw her back on the bed, pinned her arms above her head and forced her legs apart with my knee. I positioned myself at her entrance, about ready to thrust myself merciless inside her when I looked up and witnessed the fear in her eyes. Thank god I came to my senses before anything irreversible would have happened. "Bekah...don't do that to me, don't try to drive me into a frenzy, please, I would never have forgiven myself if I had raped you like that." "I asked for it Nik, so it wouldn't have been rape." She whispered. She was crying now. "I am so sorry Nik, I just...I love you, I always have, I want to be yours. If I could I would marry you."

Her confession shocked me but it pleased me as well. I always have felt very possessive towards my little sister. She is so beautiful. My guess is she has been aware of my feelings for her a lot longer than I have. Many times she deliberately was being nice and flirty with my friends only to see how I would react.

**Please review! Should I continue or stop? **


	2. She is mine

I kissed her tears away and pulled a sheet over our naked bodies. I felt torn between my brotherly feelings and my shameless lust for her. We held eachother tight and we must have fallen asleep in eachothers arms.

* * *

Thankfully it was Elijah who found us this morning instead of Mikael. He woke us up and sent Rebekah away. Then he started yelling at me. "Niklaus! How could you have been so stupid! I should have known you wouldn't have said no to her. For crying out loud, she is your sister! How could you do that? "

"Wait a minute." I answered because I immediately understood the implications of his accusations. "She asked you first, didn't she?" I know it sounds lame but that morning my heart broke. I truly felt devastated. I had myself believe that I was the one she trusted most, the brother she loved most, the man she lusted for most and now my world was falling apart. Damn that girl. If she hadn't come to me last night, my life would just have continued like it always had. Neither truly happy nor truly sad. Until this morning I didn't consider myself neither truly good, nor evil. Of course I have always been short tempered. Regularly I suddenly got overcome with rage, but that could all be traced down to my early youth. The unfair beatings I had to endure from Mikael. I sort of had come to terms with not being loved by my father. But being betrayed by the person I held nearest to my heart, I wasn't sure if I could ever deal with this.

This morning with Elijah something in my mind just shifted. I felt more alone than I ever felt in my life and at the same time I knew I had to turn it off. I couldn't afford to let myself drown in all these feelings. I clenched my fists. I wanted to kill somebody. I felt more safe feeling rage than feeling hurt. I let the rage build inside me until my head felt like exploding. Why didn't I just rape her, I would feel a lot better now probably if I had.

Elijah looked at me as if he could see right through me. He probably could, he knows me so well. "Niklaus." He said in a softer tone of voice. "Rebekah loves you, she knows you already suffer a lot from life. She asked me, not because she loves me more than she loves you. You know she doesn't. But she wants to protect you."

"Shut up Elijah, just...shut the hell up." I knew he meant well, he always did. I just couldn't take it right now. I walked away. I kept walking. All day. And now I have returned and started this diary. Hoping it will help me sort out all the confusion in my head.

* * *

I just read the things I wrote down last week over again. I wished I hadn't. I sound like a fool, pathetic. Still I cannot bring myself to destroy it although I am scared somebody will ever find it and think I am weak. That's the thing I fear most, being looked at as weak. These damned emotions, I have to find a way to delete them. I cannot afford them, I really cannot. I know I will never be the same person again I was before that night my sister turned my universe upside down. Maybe that's why I want to keep the diaries, to remind myself of who I was.

A week has past. I succesfully avoided Rebekah and Elijah until last night. The day she was about to get married got closer and closer, but I couldn't allow myself to care. Besides we had other worries, the neighbouring werewolves were getting more agressive and my mom was scared. I was just fascinated by them. On nights with a full moon I never had been able to sleep. The first time I snuck out of the house on one of those nights I must have been around 8 years old. I felt so radiant and alive, I vividly remember that night. There was a lot of noise in the woods that night where the neighbouring werewolve clan resided. Curiosity overwon my fear and I drew closer to the noise. One of the women was screaming in pain, I was agonized by the sounds and about to offer my help when she suddenly bend over and growled. I was terrified and awestruck at the same time when I realized I was witnessing the transformation from human to werewolf. The scene was brutal yet breathtakingly beautiful at the same time.

After that night I returned every full moon to watch her transform. Of course she knew I was there. She caught my scent from miles away, yet she pretended she didn´t notice me. Many years later she told me. I was 14 years old that summer she finally showed me she noticed me. I had grown a lot, my body had become muscular and my voice had changed. I looked and sounded like a man now. I had kissed and fondled with a few girls, but Taniah, the wolflady, was the one who taught me all I needed to know about the secrets of the flesh.

She seperated herself from the rest of her clan and slowly, seductively she took off her clothes. I was hiding as usual behind some trees but this night it seemed she was looking straight at me. I held my breath when she drew nearer to my hiding place. She wasn´t transforming, she stayed in her human form and I was puzzled when I suddenly lost track of her. Somehow she had managed to get behind me and before I could blink she had me pinned down with incredible strength. That summernight I lost my virginity. Taniah and I became good friends and we occasionally were intimate with eachother. Tonight I really needed to talk to her, but I couldn´t find her anywhere.

* * *

Every time the moon is full I still feel restless. Since I know I will be unable to sleep inside the house I had developed the habit of going to the lake. It was a long -nearly 2 hour- walk and I looked forward to being all by myself. I should have forseen this time I wouldn´t be alone. My stubborn little sister had followed me all the way to the lake.

I never noticed being followed. Just as I sat down to enjoy the beautiful scenery amd reflection of the moon in the lake, I heard something behind me in the woods. My hunter instincts are well developed, so I sat perfectly still, focused on the crackling sounds until it was right behind me. My nerves were strained since I didn´t know what it was I was about to face. She screamed her lungs out when I lunged and landed on top of her, my hands around her neck. ¨Nik, it´s me! Don´t kill me!¨ I immediately let go. ¨For fuck´s sake Rebekah, what are you doing here, you are miles away from home! Are you out of your goddamn mind! It´s dangerous to go into the woods all by yourself! How many times have our parents told us never to come here after dark!¨ I grabbed her shoulders and shook her violently. I continued to scream at her until her tears started flowing. The one thing in the world I cannot take is Rebekah crying. And she knows it. As soon as I let go of her she had this provocative glance back in her eyes. ¨And what about you Nik? What the hell are you doing out here? It is as dangerous for you as it is for me!¨ She deliberately tries to drive me crazy with this attitude, I know she does. ¨There are other dangers for you as a girl, you know that.¨ I answered through gritted teeth. ¨How would I know, Nik, you were supposed to teach me remember? But I haven´t seen you around for a week. Have you forgotten you promised me to make love to me?¨

¨You asked Elijah first!¨ I blurted. I couldn´t help myself. She laughed at me. She had the nerve to laugh at me right in my face! Something in my head snapped. The familiar red haze appeared in front of my eyes, my heart was pounding like a freight train. ¨Nik...please, I am sorry.¨ She whispered and gently touched my face. Rebekah is the only one who doesn´t seem to be afraid of me when I get like this. And she is also the only one who is able to snap me out of it. I couldn´t move, I felt frozen, the world around me appeared to have stopped turning.. Until her soft lips kissed me and she leaned into me with her soft perfect body. I came back to life and held on to her like a drowning man.

¨I love you, Nik. Always and forever. Only you. You know that, try to remember that for crying out loud! Why are you so goddamned sensitive?¨ Despite myself I chuckled. No one in the world would describe me as sensitive, only Rebekah. Because she knows me too well. ¨I don´t know. I just felt so betrayed that you asked Elijah before you asked me, can you blame me?¨ I felt a bit stupid now.

She shook her head. ¨No, Nik, but I need you to understand why. Like I said you are too sensitive. You already have enough burden on you. I knew if I asked for your help you would want to know why and you would worry about me. Also I didn´t want to put you at risk for Mikael finding out. I know he would do something horrible to you if he would catch us. You know there is no one I would rather be intimate with than you. Frankly the idea of sleeping with Elijah disgusts me, I mean he is my brother!¨ ¨So am I.¨ I grinned. I felt a lot better. At this point I couldn´t even remember why I got so upset in the first place. I know she only wants to protect me, I know she is in love me. It´s just sometimes I have the feeling the whole world is against me, I can´t explain.

¨Let´s finish what we started.¨ She dragged me down with her on the lakeshore and started to kiss me frantically. I answered her with a hunger that frightened me, but she was eagerly accepting it. My hands were impatiently searching for her naked skin under her which seemed to be way too many clothes. When I found her plump breast I pinched her nipple. She cringed but responded by biting my bottomlip. I finally had freed her from her clothing so I could touch and kiss her beautiful body anywhere I wanted. My fingers parted her folds and when I felt her wetness I pushed one finger inside her and moved it up and down. Shortly after I pushed a second finger in. I must admit this time I was more rough with her, but she didn´t seem to mind. I was so hot for her I just couldn´t wait any longer and replaced my fingers with my throbbing shaft. I had to push hard to get through her resistance. She was so very tight. She screamed loudly, but I didn´t mind, no one could hear her and I caught myself thinking something like _that will teach you for hurting me. _Once I had buried myself inside her as deep as possible I lay perfectly still, giving her time to adjust. I looked at her face. Her lips were swollen by our kisses, her cheeks had blushes on them. Her blue eyes were wet with tears but she looked at me with so much love it took my breath away. I kissed her face. She whispered: ¨I love you so much, Nik, please go on.¨ That was all the encouragement I needed. I started to thrust gently inside her. I noticed her thighs were sticky with her virgin blood, but it only aroused me more. I took it slow until I heard her cries from pain turned into something else. My fingers found her nub to add to her pleasure and it didn´t take her long to orgasm. I felt her muscles spasm around me and helplessly I climaxed at the same time.


	3. On the run

I collapsed on top of her, my face buried in her neck. She sighed blissfully and held me tight. Never in my life did I feel more loved, sheathed by her wamth. I should have felt guilt about what we had done, but all I could feel was unbounded joy, warmth and love. I love her so much, it hurts.

"Are you ok, love?" I whispered. "I am so sorry I hurted you." She caressed my face. "Oh, Nik... please don't worry, it was worth every sweet second of it. It was the best pain I have ever felt. Now I am yours forever. No one can ever come beween us." She kissed me with a passion that left me breathless. I rolled of off her and took her in my arms, stroking her soft hair. She looked like a fairy to me in the light of the full moon. Her long blond hair had a silver shimmer over it, her eyes looked bright and sparkling. "Nik..." She sounded a little shaky. "Is...is that blood on my thighs?" She got up to inspect herself. "Yes, sweetheart. You are woman now and you are mine! Let's go for a swim in the lake, to fresh up."

She jumped up and shouted: "Last one in is a coward!" She ran in her naked glory towards the lake to dive in. I grinned and followed her. I could easily have won from her, but I enjoyed the sight of her perfect naked backside in the moonlight too much to bother. I dove in right behind her. The temperature of the water was just perfect. I grabbed her ankle and pulled her under water, like I always did to tease her when we were children. She kicked me and I let her go.

"Nik!" She shouted indignantly. I chuckled. "Sorry, Bekah, bad habit of mine. Let me make it up to you..." I pulled her close to me through the water and kissed her deeply. My hand cupped her perfect breast, and I squeezed it softly. She let out out an oh so sexy sound of pleasure. I immediately grew hard again and I pressed my hips firmly against hers while we stood in the water. I could feel her tense. "What's wrong, love?"

I was worried about her reaction. She looked at me with her big blue eyes. "I don't think I can do it again tonight, Nik, it is still very sore there..." She blushed. I did feel terribly guilty at that point. I hadn't treated her with the gentleness I had intended for her first time. Damn that hot-tempered personality of mine. I got overwhelmed with shame. "Bekah...I am so sorry. You didn't deserve this. I will make it up to you next time, I swear. I was just so angry and hurt, I..."

She interrupted me: "We need to talk about it Nik. I want you to understand. About Elijah..."

I immediately tensed. "Please, don't spoil this moment, this night is by far the best night of my life. You have taken some of the darkness away from my soul with your light. I love you Rebekah, words are inadequate to express what you mean to me." I could see my passionate words sort of startled her and her reaction scared me and made me feel insecure. Surely she would feel the same about me?

She shivered. "Let's get out of the water." I took her hand and led her ashore. I used my clothes to dry her as good as possible. We sat down together, she leaned into me, her head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around her. She felt so good. I wished we could stay like this for eternity, frozen in time. After a long silence Rebekah opened her mouth. "What do we do now?"

Without hesitation I answered: "We leave, you and me. We run away to a place they don't know us, we get married and live happily ever after." I was being dead serious, but Rebekah smiled wearily and sighed: "I wished we could Nik, but we have to face Mikael would come after us, he would never let me leave with you. He would go on until he find us, you know that."

"The world is an enormous place, Bekah, we can disappear together, I am positive!" Why was she doing this? Didn't she have faith in me? I turned to face her. My hands cupped her cheeks. Her tearfilled eyes looked up at me. I kissed her again. Gently I pushed her down on her back. Her nipples were hard and erect and my lips were automatically drawn to one of the pink beads. I gently sucked on it. Rebekah whimpered softly. My mouth gave the other one equal attention before it wandered down to her core. My tongue gently explored her folds, alert to any signs of discomfort from her, but she bucked her hips and pulled my head closer to her pussy. I continued to lick and suck until she couldn't take it no more. She screamed my name when she had her orgasm.

I must have grinned like an idiot at that moment. It was a wonderful feeling to please her like this. When the waves of her orgasm had diminished I slowly started licking her all over again. She winced a little but soon she surrendered to my tongue and rode out her second orgasm. I kept starting over and over again, curious about how many orgasms I could give her in a row. After 5 times, she pushed me away, adamant. "Now it's my turn!" She pushed me on my back in the sand.

She looked deliciously shy when she asked me if I would want to teach her how to please me. It's a giant turn on and at the same time I felt so moved she wanted to know. "Take it in your mouth, carefully." I guided her. She put her luscious lips gently around the tip and carefully moved her head down to take it deeper in her mouth. I hissed, this felt so awesome. She noticed my reaction and she started to tease me with her tongue. "Bekah..." My voice sounded hoarse when I called out her name. "This feels so good..." Gently she sucked and took my throbbing shaft deeper and deeper into her mouth. Just before I was about to burst she stopped. "You taste so good, Nik, so manly." She seductively licked her lips, shocking me and arousing me at the same time. I sat up and tangled my hand in her hair. I gently, but determined, pushed her head down again and demanded her to continue. When my release came she eagerly swallowed every drop of my cum.

We fell asleep curled up against each other until the early sunlight and the sounds of the birds woke us up. Quickly we got dressed. "We need to go home." Rebekah insisted. "Let's run away together Bekah, I can make you happy, I will do anything I can to take care of you and make you happy, I swear." Bekah looked at me with her eyes so blue and filled with tears. "I cannot leave my family, Nik. I love you, honestly I do. But I also love my mother and father and Elijah, Finn and Kol. I cannot just walk away from them, can you?" I sulked: "I can, I don't need anybody, just you." Slowly we started walking back. I was so pissed off with her and despite her pleading I remained silent and sullen. We came home just before the rest of the family woke up.

* * *

_3 months later_

So much has happened since our night together at the lake and since the last time I wrote in my diary. Looking back on it now: I should have made her run away with me! I should have grabbed her like a caveman, thrown over my shoulder and run as far away as possible. Now everything has fallen to pieces. I will start at the beginning.

Rebekah told Mikael a few days later she couldn't marry Mr. Gustavson since she had met somebody and had lost her virginity. It was the first time in her life she had to face her father's wrath directed at her. It was the first time she had to face his belt. If I had been there I would have fought for her, but she had chosen to tell her father the news when I was safely miles away hunting with Elijah. Despite his efforts to beat the full truth out of her (he wanted a name!) she was strong and kept her mouth shut about the identy of her lover.

I never felt worse in my life then the evening I returned home with the two deers I shot and the ducks. I was surprised my sister was nowhere to be seen. Mother told me what happened. I totally lost control when I found out my little sister had been beaten senseless by her own father. Thankfully Mikael wasn't around. I immediately went to see her. She layed on her bed on her belly. Her back and buttocks were a bloody mess. She was crying so hard it broke my heart. "Bekah..." I fell down on my knees next to her bed, buried my face in her hair and tried to calm myself down. I was furious, I wanted to kill Mikael, but Rebekah didn't need any more agression, she needed to be comforted. Esther entered the room with hot water and drapes to clean Rebekah's wounds. Silently the three of us sat together that evening and comforted each other. Mikael stayed away fore nearly a week and when he came home I got my senses back together. I stayed away from him as much as possible, because what he had done to my sister was something I could never ever forgive him.

Thankfully her wounds healed quickly, thanks to Esthers special balms and herbs. After a month there were only light scars on her back to be seen. Of course Mr. Gustavson wasn't too pleased about the whole thing, but as Rebekah had predicted he lost all interest in her now he knew she wasn't a virgin anymore. Mikael had stopped pushing her to reveal the name of the man she had been sleeping with and things were getting back to normal until this morning.

* * *

An now I am in serious trouble. I should never have written anything down concerning me and Rebekah. The worst thing has happened. A week ago Mikael found my diary and read it. He surprised me in my sleep. He kicked and hit me where ever he could. He grabbed my hair and screamed at me: "You little pervert! (kick) You dishonoured your sister and my house! (kick) I should have killed you the day you were born! "(kick) There was nothing I could do to stop him, I have never felt more powerless in my life and all I could think about was Rebekah. _Was she ok? Surely Mikael wouldn't have gone to her first and hurt her again? I would never forgive myself for that. _I have no recollection of how long the abuse lasted. The only reason he finally stopped kicking me was because Elijah and Finn interfered. Despite their fear for Mikael their fear of me getting killed by him was bigger. They restrained him thereby giving me the chance to escape. I grabbed my diary and my knife and fled. Although I could barely walk I managed to get away from the house, stumbling and crawling. I felt like a coward, I desperately wanted to go and see if Rebekah was ok but I knew that would be a suicide mission.

Why hadn't she listened to me when I suggested we should run away together? I had tried to talk her into it for days but she just wouldn't give in. Now it was too late, we could never be together again. After many hours on the run I finally dared to stop for a while. Surely I was far enough away from Mikael to rest a bit. I had found an empty little wickiup where I could crash. All my strength seemed to have left me and I just crawled into the corner and felll asleep.

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	4. Reunited

I don't even know why I bother to try and write this down. It costs me my last drops of energy. Well to be honest, I do know. I am afraid I am dying and I hope somehow this diary will find its way to my beloved Rebekah. I need her to know that I am not a coward, I would have come back for her if I could. I have been hiding here for a week now. I think I have a fever. I can't seem to stop shivering and my teeth clatter the whole time. I am feeling very weak. My wounds look and smell very bad and I am afraid they have become infected. I have at least two broken ribs. I have tried to push them back in place as good as possible, which sounds a lot easier than it actually was. I have fainted a couple of times before I finally succeeded. But the physical pain is nothing compared to my mental pain. Everytime I think of my one true love, my sweet Rebekah and the possibility I might never see her again, something inside me twists and burns. Now I start to believe the ancient writers. I start to believe it is possible to die from a broken heart. Every time I seemed to have run out of tears and the image of Rebakah appears again in my mind's eye I start to cry all over again. I am completely dehydrated, yet I still manage to cry. My eyes burn like hell. Something inside my chest is tightened and hurts terrible and it's not my ribs. I don't know how much longer I can take this. I am in no position to leave the house to look for food. I have run out of water and am too sick to go to the well outside. If I am to die here, I beg to whomever finds this diary, bring it to my sister Rebekah Mikaelson and tell her she was the light of my life and I love her more than life itself.

* * *

I should have known a quick death would have been too merciful for a sinner like me. I have no idea where I am when I wake up again nor how much time has passed since I lost consciousness. I remember I am lying between clean white linnen sheets, bandages all over my body. I hear myself giggle like a girl when I catch myself thinking I must have been mummified. This is a very painful experience "Good, he seems to be awake. Give hem some more laudanum, the pain he is in must be excruciating." I hear a somewhat familiar female voice saying.

For ages I seem to have been drifting between waking and dead. I remember being fed, being washed, but everything else is blurry. Until one day I woke up and found myself sitting straight up in the bed. I am all by myself in a room, which doesn't look familiar at first glance. I tried standing, but my legs didn't seem to remember how to do their work and I helplessly collapsed next to the bed. "Well done, Niklaus." I groan to myself. Next thing I remember is my memories coming back to me all at once. I cringe on the floor and I cry. "Rebekah...where are you?" I found myself praying to a god I never believed in. "Please, please, let her be ok." Two gentle arms pick me up like I weigh nothing. "Taniah?" I am at a loss for words the moment I recognize the woman who just picked me up from the floor. "Niklaus, let me help you lie down again, you have been gravely ill. You should rest." I didn't have any energy left to argue and after she helped me to lie down I drifted off again.

Later she told me that it took me another month from this moment to fully recover and be able to walk again. I don't remember anything else from this period. Maybe I deliberately suppressed all memories, because it is just too painful to be helpless knowing my Bekah might needs me. I used to believe Mikael would never hurt his daughter but I have seen what he is capable of. Taniah told me her brothers found me in the woods, they were following the scent of decay, thinking somebody had been murdered. If it hadn't been for Taniah they would have left me there to die. I seemed to have looked like the ultimate hopeless case. She told me I have been with the werewolves for three months now. 3 months! I begged her to go to my family and ask Elijah to come over here, I needed to know what was going on with my family, with Rebekah. I winced when I thought about her, would this pain never stop? Taniah hesitated at first. Wasn't it because of my family I had ended up here like wounded animal? Finally she gave in. I begged her to be discrete and to avoid my parents. I never told her anything about Rebekah and me.

I waited and waited, she told me I just had to be patient. There had been problems between the werewolves and the people in the village, causing her family not to feel very welcome. At last my patience was rewarded. I don't think I have ever been happier to see my brother than this time. I could see by the look in his eyes he was shocked to see me like this. I still had trouble walking and the bruises in my face showed the most interesting colours. "Niklaus, I am glad to see you. You look terrible, though." He actually hugged me, which was a form of affection in my family only Rebekah had granted me until now.

"How is Rebekah?" I was scared to hear the answer, but I needed to know. "She is fine, Niklaus, she just misses you terribly. We were all afraid you hadn't survived. Our mother was literally worried sick about you. She told Mikael she would never speak to him again as long as you weren't home again and safe. And she kept her word, she has been giving him the cold shoulder ever since you have been gone. Mikael took us out searching for you every night. He is very sorry, Niklaus and he wants you to come home so we can all be one family again." "What about me and Bekah?" I couldn't help asking. "Can he accept our love as well?" Elijah gave me an incredulous glance. "Don't be ridiculous, Niklaus. You and Rebekah are brother and sister, anything more than that is unnatural, unhealthy...you know that." I stubbornly shook my head. "It is not, our love is pure Elijah, I don't expect you to understand but please try and accept it..."

Elijah sighed. "I was afraid you would say something like that." Then he grinned. "I have a surprise for you...I brought her with me!" The door swung open and Bekah, my beautiful Bekah stormed inside and threw herself in my arms. "Nik, oh my god, Nik! I was so scared. I thought you were dead and I would never see you again. Don't you ever do that to me again!" She started to cry and I cried with her. Elijah discretely vanished. We held eachother tight for hours. We didn't speak, we couldn't think of words which would be adequate to describe our relief to be reunited or to comfort eachother. The sun had gone down and I started to feel hungry. We stepped outside to look for Elijah. "He has gone home, he will come back tomorrow to take you both home. He wanted the two of you to have a chance to spend some time alone to catch up." Taniah informed us. ¨Here, I made the two of you some soup and bread. Enjoy!¨ She left us again. We both ate in silence.

¨Who is the woman, Nik? Did you have sex with her?¨ I laughed out loud, it was just something for Rebekah to get straight to the point like that. ¨I was in no condition to have sex with anyone if my life had depended on it, sweetheart. In fact I doubt if I am right now.¨ She had a wicked smile on her face just before she crashed her lips into mine. I was helpless against her attack at my senses. She pushed me on my back on the bed and sat on top of me with her legs astride. Her hands were searching for my manhood, which responded immediately to her attention. She smiled knowingly. ¨I am sure you ar emore than ready for me, dear brother. She pushed my trousers down and fumbled with her own dress. A minute later I was in heaven. She had lowered herself on my pulsating erection and gently took me in, shielded me with her warmth. When we were connected all the way, she stopped and took her time to adjust to my size. She was so very tight and hot around my cock I nearly orgasmed at once. I didn´t dare to move. Then she started to move, slowly, she rode and fell, up and down. She was so beautiful and full of light, I could watch her for eternity like this. Eternity came too fast and hard. I exploded inside her. I was so preoccupied with myself I didn´t even know if she had found her release as well. ¨Sorry, love, I just couldn´t control myself any longer. Let me make it up to you.¨ I wanted to go down on her but she pushed me back into the pillows and dropped herself on top of me.

She noticed I cringed with pain and rolled off me. ¨Nik...I am so sorry he hurted you. I feel so guilty.¨ She had tears in her eyes. I wouldn´t want any of that, I was just to happy to be reunited again, I didn´t want to think about anything else than her and me. But I know we needed to have this conversation sooner or later. ¨What about you, Bekah? I was so scared of what Mikael would do to you. And the fact I couldn´t be there to protect you was just killing me.¨

¨He didn´t beat me, mother wouldn´t let him. ¨ I felt relieved to hear this but when I saw her face I knew she wasn´t telling me the whole story. A cold hand seemed to have gripped my heart. ¨What happened? Please tell me!¨ I begged her. She turned away from me, so I couldn´t see her face. I heard her suppressed sobs though. ¨Bekah?¨ Please don´t shut me out. I love you, you can tell me anything.¨

She threw herself in my arms, crying like her heart was breaking. ¨They killed our baby, Nik, I was pregnant.¨ Something inside me turned to stone at that very moment and I knew right there and then the damage to my soul at this point was irreversible. This was more than I could bear. I held her tight and stroked her hair, but there was not one tear left for me to cry. I felt an uncontrollable rage coming over me. ¨How?¨ I barely managed to say with my broken voice. ¨Mother...she gave me sage tea and other herbs to drink. She didn´t tell they would cause a miscarriage. I didn´t even know I was pregnant, until it was too late...¨ ¨Apparently our mother did.¨ I realized my voice sounded way too cold, but I couldn´t help myself.


	5. Home again

**Thanks so much for reviewing, following and favouriting. This chapter might be disappointing to the romantics, but without a little trouble in paradise it would be a boring story. **

The night was over way too soon. There was too much sorrow and too little time for comfort. ¨I am sorry, Nik, I didn´t want to spoil our night together. I didn´t mean to cause you more hurt than you already suffer.¨ She started to cry again. I pulled her close, kissed her on her forehead and whispered: ¨Hush now, sweetheart, it´s not your fault. I want you to be honest with me, your pain is my pain. Promise me you will never lie to me or keep secrets from me. I know you better than I know myself. I love you more than I love myself. No matter what happens I will stand by you, for now and for eternity.¨

Was it my imagination or did I just witness a shadow of guilt over her face? "Bekah?" My heart cringed with fear. I knew her too well. "What else do you have to tell me?" She threw herself in my arms and started to cry again. I pushed her gently away so I could look her in the eyes. "There is somebody else, isn't there?" I realized. She turned her head away from me. I grabbed her chin and lifted it. "Who is it!" I demanded. "Nik...it's not what you think..." "Tell me! Who was it?" I bellowed. She didn't dare to look at me. "I am sorry Nik...Since you were gone I had a terrible time. Mikael started to look at my body in a way which made me shiver with fear. When I was washing myself he would suddenly turn up and tried to touch me... " Her voice was soft, I could barely hear her. "When I told him to leave, he started yelling at me that I was trash anyway and since I was no virgin anymore it wouldn't matter. Everyday it got a little worse. I tried to talk to mother but she was just angry with me. She said I was imagining things. She told me Mikael loved her and he never would touch his daughter. One day he was so drunk and he started touching me between my legs, I managed to run away but I knew it was just a matter of time before he would have gone further." I was so shocked, I couldn't utter a single word. It never had crossed my mind that Mikael could abuse Rebekah in an entirely different way than he abused me.

She went on: "Elijah had been busy chasing after a new woman in the village and he was away from home a lot. So I turned to Kol..." She whispered. "I told him I needed protection from Mikael and he promised me to help me and stay close to my side. One day we were home alone, just Kol and me. At first everything was just normal. We sat down and talked about you. He wanted to know what you and I had done and how it made me feel. He asked me lots of impertinent questions. I said I didn't want to talk about it but he kept going on and on. Then he started to talk about you probably being dead and how we should keep it in the family. Somehow he suddenly had me cornered and he had this look on his face...I was really scared of him." Rebekah turned away from me, her face turned pink. "Did he rape you?" I demanded to know. "No...it wasn't like that. He was sweet to me. He seduced me." "Go on, tell me the details!" I growled, frustrated and angry. "Nik, please, I thought I was never gonna see you again..."

"I want to know what he did to you." My voice was dead calm but inside I was boiling. "He started to kiss me. At first I pushed him away, but he told me it was allright. That it was normal to have feelings for your brother. And he kept repeating how you were probably gone for good and how I would end up all alone..." She was silent for a while. "Rebekah." I warned her. "Please Nik, don't make me do this." She begged. "Tell me what he did to you." I don't know why I kept insisting to hear the details, I just had to know. "What did he do that turned you on so much you couldn't say no to him?"

"You don't understand! She yelled at me. "I was all alone! I needed to feel loved, I needed to feel safe. Kol understood me, he gave me consolation. I was in mourning for losing you, my baby, my faith in my parents, just everything...Nik, please try and put yourself in my shoes. I understand how much you had to endure. And I am sorry I let you down but I thought I would never see you again!" The tears were streaming down her cheeks, normally I would instantly forgive her seeing her like this, no matter what, but my heart felt like it was made of stone.

"Did you like what he was doing to you? Did he make you come?" I hated myself for sounding so maliciously but I was so jealous, I just couldn't help it. She didn't answer me. I forced myself to calm down. "How many times did you sleep with Kol?" "T-Twice." She stuttered. "Goddamnit!" I cursed and slammed my fist into the wall. Rebekah was scared to death and fled as far away from me as she could until she was trapped with her back against the wall. Even in my own ears my voice sounded dangerous when I said: "You are mine and mine alone! You will remember this after tonight!" I tore her clothes and I violated her body in the worst way. I cannot bring myself to write the details down, I feel so guilty for hurting her. She forgave me, of course she did, but I can never forgive myself. The red haze of rage had come over me and had caused me to hurt the most important person in my life. I cried and she comforted me, holding me, caressing me, while it should have been the other way around. As usual it worked, she managed to drive away the worst aches of my soul. The ferocity of my love for her startled me.

We saw the sun rise above the horizon and suddenly I panicked. ¨Let´s run away together, Bekah. Let´s not get back to our parents. Things can only get worse.¨ ¨You are right, Nik, I don´t see any other way. I have never felt more betrayed by my own parents in my life. I never thought my own mother would do such a thing to me. If only I had known...I wanted to have your baby, Nik, more than anything in this world. I would have been proud to be the mother of your child, you know that, don´t you?."

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. It was Elijah. ¨Are the two of you ready to come home now? I was just about to tell him I didn´t think I could do it when a litle boy rushed in behind Elijah. ¨Henrik!¨ Bekah and I exclaimed at the same time. We hadn´t seen our little brother for more than a year. He had been very ill and had been staying with distant relatives of ours who lived by the sea, where the climate was much better for his lungs. He jumped straight into my arms causing me to scream out loud form the pain in my ribcage. I managed to pretend my scream was form happiness instead of pain, because I didn´t want him to be uncomfortable. Elijah smiled ruefully. ¨Henrik arrived this morning, I couldn´t stop him from coming along with me, he wanted to see the two of you so badly.¨ Seeing Henrik again changed everything. The little fellow and I had the most special bond, he was so much like me when I was younger. There was no way I could run away with Rebekah and leave Henrik to the misery of our family all by himself. Who would protect him from his abusive father if it wasn´t for me?

No words were necessary between Rebekah and me. The presence of Henrik changed everything. He was a pale and vulnerable child and it was only a matter of time Mikael would make him suffer too. I couldn´t let that happen. I was by far Mikael´s favourite to take out his agression on. Only if I wasn´t around he would make my brothers suffer. So far I had managed to protect Henrik from the domestic violence, but if I ran away with Rebekah I was positive Mikael would make go after him.

We were getting ready to leave. There was only one thing for me left to do. I had to thank Taniah for all the things she had done for me. We stood outside, Taniah and me. Her brown intelligent eyes didn´t give away her thougths. She hugged me and whispered in my ear: ¨You know you shouldn´t go back there, but I understand why you feel you have to. You are a noble man, Niklaus and it´s gonna be the end of you. You care too much about others and too little about yourself.¨ That was so typically Taniah. We had hardly talked about anything, yet she seemed to see right through me. She smiled. ¨I wouldn´t mind if you would sleep over more often, Niklaus. I just hope next time you will be in better shape.¨ She kissed me on the lips and walked away. ¨Taniah! Wait! Thanks for everything, I owe you a lot!¨ She kept on walking but I knew she was smiling.

At home things pretty much got back to normal in a short period of time. The first time she saw me again mother cried. She knew better than to try and hug me after she had looked me in the eyes. Mikael barely acknowledged my presence. I wasn´t expecting his apologies and of course I didn´t get them. He just avoided me as much as possible. Kol was also smart enough to stay away from us. I forgave him, but I wouldn't tolerate him near our sister again, and he knew it.

There was only one problem. Rebekah and I were closely watched, we didn´t get the chance to be alone. 6 months had gone by and my body ached for hers. Mikael had started to talk about marriage again and I was scared to death he would manage to arrange a marriage for one of us. Thankfully it was well known that our family had money problems which didn´t make my sister and I very eligible kandidates to marry. But the threat was always in the air.

It was early spring and the werewolves were very restless. We could hear them howl in the distance. The night of the full moon had come and I was feeling restless as well. All I could think about was getting physical with Rebekah, I needed to feel her naked body against mine, I couldn´t take it any longer.

I was tossing and turning in my bed that night, I couldn´t sleep. I got up and decided to go to the lake and watch the transformation of the werewolves. While I was walking through the woods I thought back on the last time I was here when Rebekah had followed me. It was at that moment I heard a noise behind me and there she was. She ran into my arms and kissed me so hard she left me breathless.

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	6. She completes me

**Hello readers! Thank you so much for your feedback, hope you are still enjoying the story. I have to warn you: There is more sorrow and shocking news in this chapter. **

"Bekah, I missed you so much..." I pulled her down in the sand next to me. I wanted to cherish her body like it was the most precious jewel. I kissed the beautiful features of her face, thoroughly investigated her lips, her tongue, like we were making out for the first time. My mouth found her puckered nipples and she softly whimpered under my attentions. My tongue trailed from her tauted peaks down her belly and further south. All I wished for was to leave her breathless with desire and lust for me. Make her forget about the world, about Kol. Nothing mattered, just her and me together. I continued to caress and kiss her until she begged me to take her. I just loved to hear her beg for me, it made me feel on top of the world! I let her endure the sweet torture of untamed passion a little longer but after 6 months of aching for her, I couldn't take it any longer myself. I loved the feeling of her body trapped under mine, leaving her no option but complete surrender. I pinned her wrists down above her head. Slowly, lazily I pushed my rock hard shaft against her opening. She bucked her hips, trying to increase the contact. I teased her just a little longer and then I let go all controll and surrendered to the unbearable desire to possess her. She felt so hot and tight, nothing in the world could beat her warm embrace. The way she gave herself unconditionally to me brought tears to my eyes. I wouldn't mind to have died right then and there, as I felt if I were in heaven. How could these wonderful feelings of love and harmony be sinful?

After the waves of our passion had calmed down we slowly drifted back to reality. I held her close to me, unwilling to let go of her. "Nik..." She pushed herself up on one elbow. "Remember you told me to be honest with you about everything?" When I nodded she continued: "I want you to do the same, I want you to promise me you will never shut me out about anything." Ï nodded again. "Sounds fair enough to me." "Good. I want to know what is going on between you and that new girl with the child, what's her name, Tatia. I thought she was Elijah's girlfriend, but I saw you with her in the haystack." She sounded indignantly. "Bekah..." I sighed deeply. How could I explain I had my needs and that my feelings for Tatia were nothing compared to my feelings for her? "You did to her what you do to me?" Now she sounded hurt. "No, it's not like that. You and I we make love. When I am with her I have sex. 6 months without sex is a long time, darling, I have my needs. It has nothing to do with us.

"So, you wouldn't mind if I had sex with other men as well?" "Bekah! You are mine, I cannot share you." She shrugged. "If you sleep with other women, you cannot tell me that I can't sleep with other men." She challenged me. In my heart I knew she had a point, however I would never ever agree to that. "Bekah...other men will take advantage of you, they will hurt you." "Kol didn't." She looked me straight in the eye. I must admit I admired her courage to challenge me like that. I managed not to lose my temper. "Kol is family, he loves you." I said despite my feelings on the subject." But if I ever catch you with him again..." I stopped as I realized I had no right to demand her exclusive attentions. She stood up, her cheeks reddened. "Are you threatening me Niklaus? Her voice was high-pitched with indignation. "You already showed me how brutal you can be to me, you told me you were sorry and that it would never happen again. And now you are threatening me again? Do you call that love?" She was angry with me and it hurted.

"Come here, sweetheart, you are right." I hugged her. "I promise you are the only one for me. Can you promise me the same?" "I can, Nik, but if you continue to sleep with other women I will not stay faithfull to you, do you understand?" "Bekah, I promise from now on I won't sleep with other women no more. Only you. Let's meet here every full moon, we can be alone and enjoy eachother. Nobody has to know about it. What do you think?" "Yes, it's a deal." She smiled and kissed me again. "The night is not over yet, let's enjoy it some more!"

* * *

_3 months later_

Henrik and I got up very early in the morning, right after the sun went up. The weather looked promising today. It was early may and it was Rebekah's 16th birthday. Henrik wanted to surprise Rebekah with a large bouquet of freshly picked spring flowers and I was happy to help him. I was excited to give her my gift as well. My grandmother, Esther's mother, gave me a beautiful silver necklace with a heart shaped emerald pendant. It had been in her family for centuries. She gave it to me just before she died after she made me promise I would only give it to the most special girl in the world. I loved my grandmother so much, I was 10 years old at the time and I was devastated when she died. When I look back on it I think Mikael was afraid of her. He never dared to hurt me when she was around. I don't know why he hates me so much, I know I am not the easiest person in the world with my tantrums and stubborness. And I know Mikael has a cruel character, but somehow I couldn't understand why I had to endure the worst of his agression.

I waited until I was alone with Rebekah. She cried when I put the necklace on her beautiful neck. I couldn't help myself, I had to kiss the sweet skin and I felt her shivering. She tasted like more but we were interrupted by Kol. "My turn, Niklaus." I wanted to hit him right on his cheeky mouth but instead I stepped aside, boiling inside.

In the evening my family had organized a party and the whole village celebrated with us. Everybody was having a good time, dancing and drinking. I managed to dance with Rebekah only once. After that she was being claimed by Mikael and my brothers all the time. I got jealous when I saw her dancing with Elijah a couple of times. He was holding her way too tight. It was all so hopeless. She was so close and yet so far away. I drunk way too much that night and forgot about my promises to Rebekah. I don't remember what happened but I ended up making out with Tatia. Rebekah caught us in the middle of the act and ran away crying. "Was that your little sister?" Tatia laughed in a vicious way. Suddenly she wasn't very attractive to me anymore. I got dressed and went to look for my sister.

I couldn't find her at first. Maybe she had gone home? I felt terribly guilty for spoling her birthday, she didn't deserve that. She wasn't in her bedroom. I was really worried now. I checked all the rooms, I ended with mine. By the light of the torch I saw Rebekah lying on my bed. She didn´t move when I came in. ¨Bekah..¨ I whispered. ¨What are you doing here, what if mum and dad catch you?¨ It wasn´t until I took her hand I noticed the blood. I screamed in horror. At first I thought she was dead, until I heard her soft sobs. I held the torch closer. I was in shock. Both her wrists had deep cuts . My knife was in her hand. I couldn´t believe it, she wouldn´t have done that to herself, now would she? ¨I am sorry, Nik.¨ she whispered. ¨I only wanted to stop the pain.¨ I screamed for Esther, who came rushing in. She acted immediately, tearing my sheets to shreds and using them to stop the bleeding. I was a totally useless mess at that moment. I was scared to death to lose her. I hadn´t realized up to that moment I wouldn´t survive losing Rebekah.

I can´t remember how I ended up sitting near the fireplace with my mothers arms wrapped around me. I couldn´t seem to stop crying, it was embarrassing as hell. Gently she stroke my hair. I felt like I was 5 years old again instead of 21. She and I used to be so close. I never never blamed my mother for not standing up for me against Mikael. But I couldn´t forgive her for Rebekah´s miscarriage. So since I got back I kept my distance to her, although she kept trying to talk to me, I would have none of it. Until now, I needed the comfort she offered me so badly. ¨Niklaus, we must talk.¨ She said to me. I panicked. ¨She is going to be ok, isn´t she?¨ ¨Yes, she is. The cuts were superficial, she wouldn´t have died, even if you hadn´t find her. It looked worse than it was." "How...how could she do this to herself?" Esther looked at me, her eyes full of regret. "She loves you too much, Niklaus. Like you love her. It's not your fault. That's why we need to talk."

"I am listening."

¨I want to tell you how Rebekah was conceived. You see, I wanted to have a girl so badly, but I kept getting sons. I desperately wanted to have a daughter and after I had 4 beautiful sons, I turned to a witch who had knowledge of black magic to get me what I wanted.¨ ¨What did you do, mother?¨ I was shocked she confided in me to tell me this awful secret. She taught me a spell which would help me. But like all black magic the spell had a price. I had to use my own sons in order for the spell the work. ¨You needed our blood, or something?¨ I asked. ¨Your blood and also something worse, Niklaus. I had to take some of your life essence, your souls. From you the most, but also from from Kol and Elijah.¨ I shivered. "What do you mean?" I whispered. "Niklaus, you have always been my dearest son, I shouldn't tell you this, but I always loved you most. You were the most sensitive, the sweetest of all my sons. I wanted a daughter with your qualities. So I took more of your life essence than from your brothers. That's why you and Rebekah yearn so much for each other. The two of you literally complete one and other.

I was speechless. I couldn't bear to listen to Esther any longer. "I am sorry mother, I need time to process it. I am still too drunk. We need to talk later. One more thing: Does Mikael know any of this?" She shook her head. "No, Niklaus. Don't you tell him please. You know how he feels about witchcraft."

I went to bed, but when the daylight came and the birds started to sing, I was still awake. I decided to get up anyway. My head hurted like hell and my mouth was all dry. I had to see Rebekah. See if Esther was right, that she was indeed doing fine. I couldn't care less if Mikael would see me entering her bedroom, I just had to see her. She was still sleeping. She looked so small and helpless just lying there all by herself. I swallowed hard and sat next to her on her bed. Mother had put clean bandages on her wrists by the looks of it and had washed the blood away. "Don't you ever do that to me again..." I whispered. "I love you, I cannot live without you." She opened her eyes. "I am sorry Nik, I just felt so betrayed. You promised me I would be the only one for you." She cried softly. I layed myself down next to her, nearly crushing her in a tight embrace.

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	7. Separated

¨I am so sorry Rebekah, I never meant to hurt you. I will never forgive myself for ruining your birthday." I felt so bad, seeing her like this, and all because of me. "Tatia means nothing to me. I know it sounds lame, but I was drunk and she took advantage of that.¨ Rebekah shot up in her bed. ¨Yes Nik, that sounds lame indeed! You promised me! She started to hit me hard on my chest, I let her until I saw her bandages turning red again. I gently took her hands. ¨Sweetheart, you are bleeding again, please hit me later after your wounds have healed.¨ She gave in, rested her head against my chest, crying her eyes out. ¨Nik, why does it hurt so much? I cannot take it anymore, I want to die.¨ Her words startled me. ¨Bekah, you don´t mean that. You are only sixteen years old, there is a whole world out there waiting for you.¨ ¨Then take me away, Nik, show me why I shouldn´t die yet, because I can´t stay here.¨ I was thrilled to hear her say the words I have been wanting to hear her say for some time now. I was scared as hell also. ¨What about Henrik? We cannot leave him behind.¨ ¨Can´t he come with us, Nik?¨ I should have said no, but I was so happy to see the spark returning in her eyes. ¨Of course, he can, we run away together with Henrik.¨ I reassured her.

We were brutally interrupted. ¨Now that would be totally irresponsible of you, Niklaus!" Elijah must have heard our entire conversation, it seemed I didn´t have locked the door behind me. ¨Mind your own business Elijah¨ I hissed at him. He ignored me and kneeled down at Rebekah´s bedside. Tenderly he tuckeded a strand of hair behind her ear. My heart cringed. ¨What did you do to yourself, Rebekah? And on your birthday? I thought you were having such a good time last night.¨ He whispered gently. ¨I was, until I caught Nik and Tatia together.¨ Elijah´s eyes shooted daggers at me after this revelation. ¨Didn´t I warn you not to get involved with your brother my dear sister? You aren´t meant to be together, find a man outside our family. Listen to me please, your only chance at happiness is with a man who is not related to you.¨ My heart ached when I saw her clinging onto Elijah. She looked so fragile, she was wearing a white nightgown on, made of some flimsy fabric, hardly leaving anything to the imagination. Elijah would have to be made of stone not to be affected by the helpless beautiful girl in his arms. "Go on, fuck him then, get it over with!¨ I shouted, suddenly full of anger again. Elijah looked shocked but Rebekah lifted her chin a little and she said haughtilly: ¨Leave my room, Nik. Now. You just outstayed your welcome.¨

And just like that I was banned from her room. I was furious, I just needed to break something or hit somebody. Thankfully I bumped into Kol whom I felt still deserved some ass-kicking for seducing our sister. Kol is by no means a fool and he ducked away the moment he saw the expression on my face. The blow I intended to give to his face missed him, instead my fist smacked into the wall of the shed. It hurted like hell. ¨Wow, Nik, what is happening?¨ Kol asked nervously. That little coward tried to soothe me with words, now that wouldn´t save him this time. I lunged at him but I was pulled backwards by a strong hand. ¨What the hell is going on here?¨ It was Mikael and he looked very pissed off. ¨Are you picking a fight with your little brother this early in the morning? You are such a coward, Niklaus! If you want to fight, I am here for you.¨ I turned my back at him and walked away, but Mikael would have none of that. He stopped me in my tracks turned me around and he hit me so hard I actually felt my jawbone break. I fell down on my knees. My mouth was full of blood and I was dizzy from the impact. Mikael grabbed me by the hair with the clear attention of pulling me back to me feet, when Esther appeared to put an end to the early morning family feud.

* * *

_2 years later_

I just found my diary, which I had hidden exactly 2 years ago today. I had been wanting to burn it, but somehow I ended up hiding it in a box in the attic of the shed. I have mixed emotions about everything I just read. I can't believe how foolish and weak I was back then. She had made me weak, love had made me weak, now that would never happen to me again. I have spent the past two years forcing myself to get rid of all those petty emotions. Esther had helped me with that, she didn't want to but she owed me big time. She had used her magic to create a safe place in my mind, a panick room, a place to hide when my feelings would become to much to cope with. I had to imagine a door in my mind which I could step through, where I would be numb. Nobody, nothing would be able to get to me. Here I could block out all feelings and emotions.

I have to say I have spend the last two years behind that door, allowing nobody to come closer. I had been working day and night and earned a substantial amount of money. Mikael finally had seen the benefits of being married to a powerful witch and the family's fortune also had grown a lot since she started helping people with her witchcraft for money. We had moved to a larger mansion and we could afford to have our own servants now. Rebekah and I had been living as far away from each other as possible within one house. Elijah had been taking care of her every needs. I don't know if they had a physical relationship as well and frankly I really don't care.

I had been having loads of different women in my bed. Somehow my cold approach of them seemed to turn them on, I don't know why. They all thought they would be able to change me, to melt the ice around my heart. I will never understand women but I took advantage of them to fulfill my needs where I could. My relationship with Tatia was on and off. Sometimes she traded me in for Elijah for months, but she would always return to me. In her words "she was attracted to the darkness in my soul like a moth to a flame." I think that is a load of crap, she is just another girl who cannot choose. Do I sound bitter? I guess I do. Sometimes I felt like 50 years old instead of 23. But life went on, and everybody was coping just fine until now. Something horrible has happened and I tried hiding in the panick room of my mind, but I didn't manage.

I realize I am making no sense at all. Forgive me, I just don't know where to start. Yesterday Rebekah turned 18 years old. After I had wished her a happy birthday I disappeared as soon as possible. I spend my day working and I never intended to celebrate her birthday in the evening with the rest of the family. It was a full moon night and instead of celebrating I hurried to the lake, as soon as the sun had gone down. I hadn't done that in 2 years, too many memories kept me from going there. I wasn't expecting her to follow me, not on her birthday, but she did anyway. I heard her footsteps behind me loud and clear, but I pretended I didn't notice until we were there. I would make her return and walk the 7 miles back all by herself I thought maliciously. That's right I was still upset with her and wanted to make her suffer.

I sat down on the lakeshore, admiring the reflection of the moon in the crystal water. She dropped down next to me. Before I could send her away she spoke to me. "Dad wants me to get married." "I don't care." I coldly replied. "Go home, I am not interested in your petty girl trouble." It was satisfying to see her flinch. "Nik, you don't mean that." "I do, Rebakah." Softly she cried. It didn't bother me very much, not like it used to affect me. Her sobbing got louder. "Nik, what happened to us? You told me you would love me forever." I shrugged. "Things change love, people change. By the way: Did you fuck Elijah?" Her big blue eyes, edged with tears, widened with anger.

"How dare you!" She hit me in the face, hard, with her fist. The second time she tried to hit me I was expecting the blow and I caught her fist in the air. She then tried to hit me with her other hand and when I restrained both her hands she started to kick me. I pinned her down in the sand using the weight of my body, so she was completely helpless. My body responded immediately to our physical contact. I was overwhelmed by the ferocity of my desire for her. My erection throbbed painfully against her pelvis. I am sure she felt it too.

"Now, who is in charge here?" I menacingly asked. "I hate you! Let go of me. You are not my brother, you are an animal!" She shouldn't have said that. "An animal?" My voice sounded low and threatening even in my own ears. I saw a raw fear in her eyes, she obviously remembered the night I had violated her body, after she told me about her and Kol. I waited for her to beg me for mercy, but she didn't say a word. I saw a pride and stubborness in her eyes I had never seen before. She wasn't a child anymore I realized. I know it sounds crazy, but I was proud of her.

"Bekah..." I moaned, just before I claimed her mouth, forcing her lips to open to my tongue. My hands pulled up her dress. I was rough with her, but she wasn't resisting me. I didn't waste any time. I pulled out my rock hard shaft and thrusted it deep inside her. I saw her biting her lip before she muffled her scream against my shoulder. I know she was in pain, but she didn't show it, my brave sweet girl. When I was buried deep inside her time seem to have stopped. I felt my heart of ice was melting. I kissed her frantically. I thrusted slowly, lazily inside her.

Suddenly we were startled by the howling of wolves close to us. I was in shock. Never before had they come so close to our place at the lake. Next we were chilled to the bone. We heard a child's agonizing screams. "Henrik!" Rebekah and I exclaimed at the same time. "Oh my god, Nik! He must have followed me!" We started running in the direction of the noise. We were too late. A sharp pain pertruded my cold heart. I shouted, screamed, growled at the werewolves to back off. Chase them away from the lifeless looking body of our little brother. He had severe bite wounds, his clothes were torn and bloody. I scooped Henrik up in my arms. He was faintly breathing, but his wounds looked pretty lethal to me. "Nik." He whispered feverishly. "I saw them transform, the werewolves. It was awesome!" He closed his eyes. "No! Henrik stay awake! Please! I must have run all the way home.


	8. The transition

**Thanks for reading, reviewing and alerting. I realize this is a story a lot of people find offensive. To them I would like to say: It's just a story, fantasy. Try to keep an open mind. My aim is to give Klaus a voice. So we can better understand how he became what he became, why he had to turn off his humanity. And it's a story of eternal love. **

When we came home Henrik's skin had already turned as cold as stone. His face had the colour of ashes. I desperately held him close to my own body, rubbing his hands and his arms, whispering feverishly at him to please stay alive, but it was all in vain. He was dead. And with his death something inside me died as well.

It hurts so much to write this down but I have to, in Henrik's memory and in our own memory. A lot has happened since that night Henrik died. We were devastated, all of us. Only Mikael dared to blame me directly for Henrik's death but I knew my mother, Elijah, Kol, Finn and maybe even Rebekah also held me responsible. I could feel it in the way they looked at me.

Rebekah and I both were screaming for help when we arrived at our mansion with Henrik. Mikael and Esther came running outside, dressed in their night clothing. Elijah was sitting (too) close to Tatia near the fireplace outside. Kol and Finn weren't home. I gently laid Henrik down near the fire. Esther rushed to see if she could help him. Quickly she examined him, closing her eyes while putting her hands on his face. After what seemed to be hours she let out a deep wounded cry and she collapsed on the ground pulling Henrik's dead body into her arms.

Up until that moment I was convinced Esther could fix it all, could bring Henrik back to life with her magic, but she hadn't even tried. She told me later only the blackest of magic could bring someone back from the dead and she refused to contaminate the memory of Henrik with blackness. She explained to me she could have brought Henrik back but it would have cost him his soul and he would be nothing like he used to be. It makes sense to me now, but that night I hated her so much I wanted to kill her. She cared for his soul, but what about mine? Nobody cared about my soul.

I tried to look for comfort in Rebekah's arms but she coldly turned me down and told me I was cursed, we were cursed, our love was cursed. I never felt so utterly and completely alone in my entire life. She basically killed the last part of humanity in me. But no, that's not entirely true. Our mother did that, she killed us all. She turned us into monsters, vampires to be precise.

They told us later they decided to turn us into vampires in order to protect us from the werewolves. Esther couldn't bear the thought of losing another child. She used magic and the blood of Tatia. Then Mikael killed us by snapping our necks. We didn't know what was going on, they didn't tell us what they were up to. For Rebekah the experience was very traumatizing. I will never forget her bloodchilling screams when she came back to life and got forced by Mikael to drink the blood of a young boy from town to complete the transition.

For me the experience was the opposite. I remembered thinking I was about to die. I felt very peaceful, happy that my suffering would finally stop. When I came back to life at first I was disappointed and agry with my fate. Until I drank the blood from a very beautiful woman I vaguely recognized. I have to admit I liked the way was whimpering and struggling against Mikaels hold on her. He didn't kill her, he let me do that myself. It was an intoxicating experience. I drained her from her last drop of blood until she went limp in my arms.

After the transition was completed I felt wonderful. My petty human feelings didn´t seem very important anymore. I felt strong, at the top of the food chain. I loved the hunt. I loved the killing. The more I killed the less I felt. Tatia and I drifted apart once again in this period. I guess my darkness was a bit too much for her. She was drawn back to Elijah. I didn´t care, not too much. I could better deal with it now that I was vampire. In fact I could better deal with all aspects of life now that I had become immortal. We all had become immortal, including Mikael. Only Esther didn't. She was a witch, she had her own ways to protect herself.

Rebekah was a different story. My feelings for her didn´t diminish one single bit now that I was vampire. But she was hurt so much by our parents betrayal. All she did was crying. ¨I am a monster, Nik, I don´t want this. I can´t go about killing people, I just can´t.¨ Sweet Rebekah. I hated Esther and Mikael too for what they did to her. She is so sensitive, she couldn´t adjust to her new role as predator. Rebekah is the sweet nursing kind of girl who gets the most fulfillment out of life when she can help other people. Just before we were turned she found a job nursing at a small village hospital, which she could forget about now. The smell of blood was impossible to resist for us newbie vampires.

But my euphoria lasted only one month. By the time the moon was full again it appeared Esther had another dark secret nobody knew about. A secret involving me. A secret that tore me apart once more. On that night of the full moon I felt I was different. I could literally feel the pull of the moon on my flesh. It hurted like hell. All the bones in my body broke and rearranged themselves. To my abhorrence fur appeared on my skin and my nails grew until they looked like claws. I had seen the transformation of the werewolves so many times that I understood at once what was happening to me. The only thing I didn´t understand was why it was happening to me. I hadn´t been bitten, nor could I be contaminated in any other way. Mikael however fully understood what was going on. He grabbed Esthers´s throat and squeezed until her face turned blue. I attacked him, Mikael was terrified. A werewolf bite can kill a vampire, I know that now, at the time I was surprised Mikael got so scared.

¨Back off!¨ He hissed at me. Even though I was in my animalistic body I remember everything as clear as I would have in my human shape. Mikael was actually afraid of me. That was a wonderful feeling. I approached him, with my teeth bare, growling at him. He let go of Esther and ran for his life. I turned around, determined to chase him and _eat him _but Esther stopped me. ¨Niklaus, don´t!¨ She looked at a point behind me with fear in her eyes. I looked and I saw Elijah standing with an arrow on his bow pointed directly at me. ¨Elijah! It´s your brother, don´t shoot!¨ Baffled he dropped the bow and I took my chance. I hunted down Mikael and was just about to bite off his throat when I was startled by the presence of other werewolves. They had surrounded me and growled at me. I was pretty sure these were relatives of Taniah, but I didn´t take any risks. I slowly backed away from Mikael.

Mikael got up and ran away at vampire speed. One beautiful darkbrown female wolf approached me and sniffed me out. She turned around and submitted to me. I felt overwhelmed by a sexual desire which was nothing compared to any passion I had felt before in my human shape (I hadn´t had sex since I was turned into a vampire so I couldn´t compare to that condition.) I mounted the female wolf and buried myself inside her, completely forgetting everything else. When I woke up the next morning I was naked and human again, holding Taniah in my arms. She smiled at me. ¨You were pretty sexy as a wolf, Niklaus. How come you never told me you were a werewolf like me?¨ I got up. ¨I didn´t know. I only just found out. How can this be?¨ I was so confused. She looked at me: ¨Isn´t that obvious, Niklaus?¨ I shook my head. I couldn´t think straight. ¨Your mother. She must have had an affair with one of my people.¨ ¨What? No way!¨ "Think about it, it's the only rational explanation for your condition. But there is something else about you, isn't there?" Suddenly she got up and backed away from me, fear in her eyes like I had never seen before. "You are not human anymore, are you? What...what have you become, Niklaus?" "Are you afraid of me now?" I asked her incredulously. "First you submit to me and next you are scared? That kind of hurts, Taniah! I would never do you any harm."

She came closer to me and touched my face. "What are you?" She asked again, this time without the fear. "Vampire. My parents have turned us into vampires to protect us against your people. Last full moon night my little brother died. He got bitten by your wolves and died." My chest clenched, clearly there were still painful feelings left even though I was now able to turn most of my emotions off when I wanted to. Taniah looked shocked. "Impossible. You have known me and my family your whole life. We don't kill humans and certainly not children!" "I know, I don't understand it either. I was with Rebekah at the lakeside and suddenly there were a bunch of wolves closer to us than we had ever seen before. Next we heard Henrik scream..." My voice faltered. She wrapped her arms around me. "I am so sorry, Niklaus."

I couldn't take her pity. I had to leave. She made me feel these emotions again I had been succesfully avoiding so far. As fast as I could I got up and ran away. Back home. Rebekah came running to me when I arrived. "Nik, where were you. Mikael almost killed Esther last night!" I panicked. "Where are they now? Is she okay?" Despite everything I still cared about my mother and I wanted to see her. "Yes, she is in bed, I took care of her. But Mikael is on his way to the werewolf clan, he knows who your real father is and he set out to kill him." I felt my knees buckle when she mentioned "my real father". So Taniah had been right, but I deliberately had pushed every thought about the fact Mikael wasn't my real father aside. I rushed inside to see Esther.

"Niklaus." She whispered. "I am so sorry." She looked a mess. It must have been hard on Rebekah to take care of her. From the looks of it she had lost a lot of blood. There were bitemarks in her neck and she looked bruised all over. "Who is my real father? Did you tell Mikaell his name? Why did you betray your husband?" I had so many questions. Gently she stroke my cheek. "I loved your father Niklaus. You were born out of true love, no matter what happens, you have to remember that. Your father loved me, he was kind and gentle to me, in a way Mikael could never be. If I could I would have left Mikael for your father, but he would have killed me if I had tried to leave him."

"You talk about him in the past tense. Is he...dead?"

"He will be after tonight. Mikael is going to destroy every werewolf he can find."

**Thanks for reading. It means a lot if you leave me a review!**


	9. Family

**Thanks for following and alerting. Special thanks to FulMoonPhoenixShadow and BeautifulDisaster for your support and feedback. Suggestions are always welcome! More sad news. Poor Niklaus...**

¨What´s his name? I have to warn him!¨ When Esther hesitated to tell me I bellowed: ¨Tell me his goddamn name!¨ She whispered so softly I could barely hear her: ¨It´s Erik Olavson.¨ ¨Does...Does he know about me?¨ Esther shook her head. ¨Niklaus, I know you deserve better, I am so sorry. You have to believe me. Even I wasn´t sure if Mikael or Erik was your father. I had been with both of them in that period.¨ I wasn´t buying any of it. ¨You must have had some idea! You just told me you loved my father. You must have seen if I looked more like him or like Mikael. Please tell me the truth for once in your life!¨ I snarled at her. She didn´t look at me when she sighed. ¨You are right, Niklaus. The moment I held you in my arms after you were born and I looked you in the eye I knew at once Erik was your father, not Mikael. I was just so scared somebody would find out, you know of all people what Mikael is capable of. I had to protect you, not just myself, don´t you understand?¨ She gently touched my arm. I yanked it away. ¨I love you Niklaus...¨ A solitary tear travelled over Esther´s cheek. I turned around and walked away from her.

My undead heart was pounding like crazy. I felt nauseous and my head ached like it was about to burst. How much more bad news could I possibly take? I needed Rebekah, I was so lost. She knows me so well, she took one look at me and this time she didn´t turn me away. I don´t know what I would have done if she had. This had to be by far my darkest hour. How was I to process all the things that happened to me in this short period of time? Becoming a vampire was a major change, albeit one that I could easily adapt to. Transforming into a werewolf was a painful and traumatizing experience for me, yet somehow I would cope, I am sure about that. Henrik´s death was almost too much to bear. But to learn that the man who mistreated me as long as I can remember isn´t even my real father felt like a stab in my heart. I wished Esther had told me the truth long ago. Maybe then I could have dealt with it better.

Rebekah wrapped her arms around me and held me tight. ¨Do you want to talk about it?¨ I shook my head. I didn´t have any words. I did have feelings unfortunately, way too many feelings. Overwhelming feelings. I couldn´t help wandering what I would have felt if I hadn´t been a vampire. What if I were still human, what would I have done? How on earth would I have coped? Would I have killed myself? I suppose not, I was never the kind of person to seek the easiest way out. I would probably have taken it out on somebody else, would have picked a couple of fights or something. I was planning to kill Mikael today. I couldn´t allow him to make any more innocent victims. I was scared. Not of Mikael, I was scared to meet my real father. What if he was disappointed with me as well? All those thoughts were killing me. ¨Bekah, please make love to me, help me forget, I think...I am afraid I am losing my mind.¨ I was far beyond tears, I wished I could cry to relieve some of the tension, but I couldn´t.

Our eyes locked. For a minute I was convinced she would say no to me. But her eyes softened and she offered me her sweet lips. I kissed her savagely and pulled her so close to me she yelped. ¨Nik, I can´t breathe...¨ I released her at once. ¨I am sorry, I...¨ She smiled sweetly. ¨I can handle it, Nik, I am strong like you now, but I prefer a little less squeezing. If you don´t mind.¨ Immediately her lips were back on mine again and her fingers curled into my hair. It was the most amazing experience, making love as a vampire. All my senses were heightened. I could easily adjust to her every need, I could hear her blood flowing, sense the smallest increase in her heartrate, her body temperature or breathing. Her every touch felt at least ten times more intense than it had when we were human. She felt so good. She enveloped me with her warmth, her strength and her love. I felt healed again when I was resting in her arms after I had my release. That was the power she had, I realised. She had the power to heal me with her love.

¨Tonight I am gonna kill Mikael.¨ I blurted. Rebekah was shocked. ¨What? Are you serious? Why? What happened, Nik?¨ Rebekah didn't even know what had happened yet. That all of a sudden she had become my half sister. I told her everything, words kept coming and my mind became clearer and clearer with each word that left my mouth. When I finished she cried. She cried for me, the tears I wasn´t able to shed myself anymore.

¨Will you help me?¨ She didn´t answer. ¨I cannot have my biological father killed before I have even met him!¨ I called out when I noticed her reluctance. ¨How could I possibly help you to kill my own father? How can you ask me to do that, Nik?¨ She didn´t dare to look at me. Of course she had a valid point there but I felt she was letting me down. Again. ¨You are right. Despite the fact he caused this family nothing but misery and will continue to do so, until either we are dead or he is. Or have you already forgotten how he has beaten you, how he tried to sexually abuse you?¨ I said with a sudden vehemence. "So did you Nik, remember?" She stared at me with a defiant look in her eyes. I winced by the memory. "You cannot compare...I love you!"

¨It was all a long time ago Nik.¨ She sighed. All of a sudden something else came to my mind. ¨I guess your intended marriage is cancelled? Or doesn´t have your fiancé a problem with a vampire for a wife?¨ She smiled wearily. ¨That´s the one advantage I found so far about being a vampire. I don´t have to marry anybody I don´t want and no mortal man can make me do anything I don´t want to do anymore. Despite that, I still hate what we have become. I don't want to be a monster and hurt people. I don't want to be cursed.¨ She looked so sad. ¨Is that the reason you decided to let me in again? Because we are doomed already?¨ ¨I love you, Nik, I have never stopped loving you.¨ ¨Why wouldn´t you let me in after Henrik died? I needed you and you turned me down.¨ The pain I suffered from Henrik´s dead unexpectedly attacked me hard. ¨I am sorry, Nik, I just couldn´t have your pain too, I was in too much pain myself at the time.¨ ¨What about Kol? What about Elijah? Did you let them in for comfort?¨Rebekah scowled. ¨Stop it, Nik! I am so sick of the bickering all the time. You better leave now.¨ She was right.

* * *

When I arrived at the little village near the lake where the wolves were living it was awfully quiet. I went to Taniah´s place to find her door broken down. I could enter her house without a problem since she already invited me in the last time I slept with her. I was afraid to proceed but I had no choice. ¨Taniah?¨ I whispered. ¨Niklaus?¨ Taniah´s voice croaked. ¨Is that you? Help me...¨ I hurried inside. She came to me covered in blood, staggering on her feet. I caught her before she had a chance to fall. ¨Taniah!¨ I scooped her up and genly laid her down on her bed. There was so much blood, I had to fight hard not to give in to my blood lust and suck her dry. Somebody already had tried that by the looks of it. I bit my wrist and offered her my blood. She drank greedily.¨ Slowly some colour returned to her pale white skin. I was happy she seemed to be okay now. ¨You are going to make it, Taniah, don´t worrry.¨

¨What good is it to me now? She started to cry. ¨Nik, I think they are all dead, my whole family is dead, you came too late.¨ She sobbed inconsolably in my arms. I had to ask her what happened even if I already knew. ¨A vampire came to kill us all. He said we killed his son." Suddenly she looked at me, alarmed. ¨Is he your family?" ¨Yes, he is my father...stepfather." "Why did you come? Did...did you help him?¨No. No! Of course not. How can you think that?¨ I was shocked she thought I was capable of such a thing. ¨Then why did you come, Niklaus?¨ ¨To help you. And to find my real father. It's a long story. I am sorry I came too late, I wasn't expecting him to come to your village until tonight.¨

My blood worked miracles on her, after a few minutes she was back on her feet again. "I have to see my family, maybe there are survivors." She told me. We went to the biggest cabin in the village. Taniah was afraid to get in so I went first. I nearly threw up from the terrible smell. There had been a massacre, a slaughter. Ten to fifteen dead bodies were lying on the ground, some unidentifiable. There was blood everywhere. I could sense that there were no survivors left. I turned around quickly. "Taniah, honey, you shouldn't get inside." She didn't listen and pushed me aside. She let out a wounded animalistic scream when she entered the cabin. "Oh my god, why!" I softly pulled her away from the horrible scene. I had never seen her upset before. I wanted to take her to the lake and talk to her. "Wait, we have to check the other places, maybe somebody else survived like me and needs our help!"

We checked out the other cabins. In the last one I could sense there was a living creature inside. I was very tense when I opened the door, it could also be Mikael, maybe he was still around. Taniah ran inside. "Mum! Dad!" We found a severely injured man with a dead woman on his lap. Gently he was stroking her hair. Taniah collapsed next to them, frantically trying to stop the bleeding from the wounds in his neck. "Daddy, please don't leave me, don't you die on me!" "Sir", I kneeled down by his side and bit my wrist. "Let me help you." He looked up and our eyes locked. His eyes were blue like mine. "You must be Niklaus. My son. I am sorry we didn't meet under better circumstances." I gasped. "Are you Erik Olavson?" I croaked. "Yes, I am your father. Take good care of Taniah, she is your half sister. I.." He took one last shaky breath and closed his eyes. "No, don't die, drink please, have at it..." I pressed my wrist against his lips, but he didn't drink, he just died. With my vampire senses I knew for certain his heart stopped and he died. Taniah didn't know, or maybe she was in denial. She kept trying to reanimate him. Tears were streaming down her face. I felt petrified inside yet I managed to gently pull her away. "Don't, Taniah. He is dead, I am so sorry."

**Do you like it or hate it? Let me know what you think.**


	10. Demons in me

**Sorry I kept you guys waiting for such a long time. Hope it was worth the wait. Enjoy!**

"We have to go, Taniah. It's not safe to stay, come on." I told her. I effectively blocked all my emotions otherwise I would have gone crazy. I couldn't afford to lose it, not now. I had promised my father to take care of Taniah and I never take my promises lightly. _My father. _I swallowed hard. For a minute I granted myself the time to fantasize about a childhood with a father who would have loved me, cared for me, who might even have been _proud _of me. My eyes started to sting. I pulled myself together. I couldn't afford this. I had to get her out of here. She didn't move. She held on to her _our_ fathers dead body and refused to listen to me. She was in shock I guess, but I didn't have time for that. As long as Mikael might still be lurking around none of us were safe.

"Please Taniah!" I hated the way my voice pitched with anxiety. I yanked at her arm. She looked up at me with a numb expression on her face. Did she even recognize me? Slowly she got up from the floor. She looked so pale and fragile right now. "Good, you are doing good." I whispered like I was soothing a mortally wounded animal. "You are safe with me, I will get us out of here."

Taniah was still hestitating. "W-we cannot just leave them here. Niklaus..." I ignored her and gently guided her towards the door. We were nearly at the door when she seemed to realize something. "Nik. You are my only living relative now." She sounded like her normal self now. "There is something we need to do." Impatiently I waited for her to finish. "We have to eat his heart, so he will live on inside us forever. His strength will be with us forever. It's tradition in our family. We have to make time for this." I shook my head. "We will come back later, I promise."

She refused to go. My god this girl was even more stubborn than I was. Under different circumstances this would have made me laugh. "No." She said. "It has to be done now. Give me your knife." She squatted next to Erik and without hesitation she cut out his heart. The intense smell of blood that came from the wound almost made me lose control. Taniah looked at me horrified. "Oh my god...Stay back!" I hurried to reassure her. "Don't be afraid, I have it under control now." She continued her bloody task. She was softly chanting while she lifted his heart from the body cavity. She offered me half of it. In silence we consumed the heart of our father together. I felt oddly comforted by this ritual. An almost serene feeling of peace came over me. Taniah performed the same ritual on her mother and consumed her heart all by herself."

I was strangely touched by the entire ritual. A question came to my mind I just had to ask her. "Will you eat my heart when I die?" She looked at me in a way that warmed me inside. It was almost as she could see me for what I really was. A load came off my chest as we peacefully sat together. "Yes, Niklaus, we are family now. I will eat your heart as I expect you to eat mine when I die first." We sat together in silence for a while. "Don't you feel awkward now, about us, I mean?" I just had to ask her. She looked confused. "Why? Because we have made love to each other in the past and you now seem to be my halfbrother? No, at all. I always knew we had a special connection. What about you? Do you have a problem with that?" I hastily assured her that wasn't the case. "Although in my world it is considered a sin to sleep with a relative." She smiled. "Yet you don't seem to have a problem with it. You have two halfsisters and you have slept with both of them." "I didn't know about you okay." I reacted indignantly which Taniah thought was amusing. She chuckled. I got annoyed. She gazed upon me lovingly. "Niklaus, my people have a different view on that. It is not something which is encouraged but when it occasionally happens we tolerate it. As long as there is love instead of abuse."

She started to cry. "Now they are all gone. My people...I have nothing left but you. Did you mean what you told Erik? Will you take care off me?" I have never seen her so vulnerable and broken before. In my eyes she had always been the strongest woman in the world. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her softly on her head. "I will always look after you, I promise. Come with me, we have to try to get out of here."

Slowly I opened the door. I listened carefully to make sure I didn't hear any sounds that indicated the presence of Mikael. I stepped outside, making sure to keep Taniah behind me so my body would shield her. My throat was thick with tension. I looked around but I saw nothing that prepared me for the sudden appearance of Mikael around the corner of the cabin. I pushed Taniah back inside, hoping he wouldn't notice her but my attempt to keep her safe was in vain.

A chillingly cruel smile appeared on his face. "I see I forgot to kill somebody." He simply said, shoving me aside and walking through the door. "No!" I cried out while I tried to stop him. "Please, don't kill her. Take my life instead!" Without any effort at all he smashed me against the wall inside. "You are such a coward! Thank god I know now that you are not my son. Your life isn't worth anything. You are a total embarrassment to me. I will let you live a little longer so you can witness what I have planned for the wolfgirl who happens to be your halfsister." He walked up to Taniah who didn't even have the common sense to try to run. She wasn't herself. The grief for her family had numbed her survival instincts.

Mikael tore her clothes from her body, squeezing her tender flesh where he could while he was watching my reactions intently. He was much too strong for me but I couldn't just stand there and do nothing. Frantically I looked around to see if there was anything I could use as a weapon. When I saw he exposed his penis I just lost control. I attacked him, although I knew I didn't stand a chance against him. Even now we were both vampires he was still much stronger than me. We stood there against each other, fangs out, eyes yellow, dark veins around our eyes. Taniah screamed in terror. I managed to wound him first because he was taken by surprise but after the first blow Mikael soon had the upperhand.

He grabbed me in the neck and continually banged my face against the brick wall untill the flesh became one bloody mess. Taniah tried to help me. She was so brave. She found a piece of wood with a sharp edge on it and drove it in Mikael's back. He bellowed loudly and had to let me go. Taniah yelped when she saw my bloody face. Mikael collapsed on the floor. He was cursing and making terrible threats. But he wasn't dying. She must have missed his heart by only a couple of inches. We made a run for the door but he came after us. He grabbed Taniah's hair and violently jerked at it so she fell flat on her back. I had never before seen a look on his face this evil. I attacked him again with all my strength.

He just snapped my neck. When I came back to life Taniah was dead. She was lying naked in the corner like a broken doll, her legs wide. I cannot begin to describe the turmoil inside me. Mikael sat on the floor, obviously waiting for me to wake up. "You are such a pervert." He snapped at me. "Fucking one half-sister just wasn't enough for you was it? You had to fuck this one too. Well I understand, she definitely was a good fuck. I must admit I really liked the way her cunt squeezed my cock when she screamed for mercy." Murderous thoughts tumbled through my head but I didn't say anything. It was no use. Mikeal had broken me completely. I couldn't even keep my promise to my real father to keep her safe for more than 10 minutes. Mikael was right about me. I was a worthless piece of shit. Now he had degraded and murdered Taniah. There was so much hate building inside me, I had to do something or I would explode. "Kill me!" I yelled at him.

"I will kill you one day, but not today. You can be of good use to me to manipulate your mother into doing what I want. The slut. You don't deserve to simply die. You deserve to suffer. I would love to see your face when I fuck Rebekah as well." I hated him so much and yet I was so helpless. "I swear I will kill you." I hated how weak that sounded, but I meant every word.

He got up, kicked Taniah carelessly between her legs and left us alone. I tried to cover her body with the shreds of her clothes, I closed her eyes and her legs and collapsed next to her. I didn't shed one single tear that dreadful day. I couldn't. I had none left. Instead I did what needed to be done. I mimicked the chanting she had done as accurate as I could while I carefully cut out her heart.

* * *

I couldn't just go home after everything that happened. Part of me wanted to run to Rebekah and let her hold me and make me forget all the pain. The bigger part of me just realized I couldn't burden her with all my demons. It was that exact moment I decided not to fight my demons anymore. I would become them. My red hot hatred and rage was fully fueled and I just had to blow of steam.

I cannot remember very much of the months I became a true monster. I roamed the cities and killed hundreds of innocent people. That's what Elijah told me much later. He was the one to find me. It was in Chicago. I hadn't been careful one bit. People were talking, the word had spread there was a bloodsucking demon on the loose. I didn't care, I was so far gone I didn't realize how dangerous this was, not just for me, but for my relatives as well. It would have been much better if we had continued to keep a low profile. Stories about vampires were rare in the new world but due to my reckless behaviour many self made vampire hunters united themselves and went out at night with silver bullets, wooden stakes, holy water and garlic. None of the above were an actual threat to us since we were the original family there was only one thing that could kill us. I won't mention that here of course, as my diaries could fall in the wrong hands.

Eiljah brought me back home. I was in a terrible condition. Long hair, dirty as hell, my clothes were covered with old dried blood stains. Esther burned them. Rebekah cried for nearly an hour when she first saw me back. I don't remember anything about my homecoming. The blanks were all filled in later by Elijah. He is an amazing person. I never realized before how much he must have cared for me. The patience he had in rebuilding me to a fraction of my old self. He had so much love where I could only feel hatred. Rebekah didn't dare to approach me in those days and I pretty much ignored her. It took me a long time to recover. But very slowly the man inside the beast came to the surface again. Along with the pain.

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Vampire Diaries, Family, Hurt-Comfort