Avengers Fangirl's Guide to Steve Rogers

**_Fangirl's Guide to Steve Rogers_**

**I don't own the Avengers or the idea of this story. I got the idea from reading a G.I. Joe fanfic called User's Guide to Storm Shadow. So the idea belongs to CrystalOfEllinon. **

**Anyways, hope you all love it! I will be doing this for all the Avengers and probably Coulson, Fury, Loki, and Maria Hill. **

**Reviews are appreciated! And if you have any comments or questions about how to properly care for your STEVE ROGERS, please post them in a review below! Thanks!**

Congratulations on your new purchase of STEVE ROGERS! We hope you are satisfied with your purchase. Please read the thorough instructions below to ensure you enjoy the full experience of the ownership of STEVE ROGERS. Be prepared for an experience of American culture, old fashioned stuff, and improper use of technology.

STEVE ROGERS is a product of MARVEL Inc. We are not responsible for injuries/death/and mental breakdowns! STEVE ROGERS should only be used by reckless, crazy, and slightly insane fan girls.

**Your purchase should include:**

One (**1**) STEVE ROGERS with a spangly outfit.

Ten (**10**) different outfits: including the authentic plain white t-shirt and jeans!

One (**1**) round shield, decorated like the American flag.

Upon activation, be sure you have the necessary items listed below.

**KNOWLEDGE** (of WWII and the 1940's).

**MANNERS**. (be sure to use words like "sir" and ma'am).

**A SUPER MEAL**. (for a super soldier)

**How to activate the STEVE ROGERS:**

Once you have the necessary items needed to activate STEVE ROGERS, activate it. The activation and mode buttons should be found at the back of its lower neck. The activation button should be painted red, white, and blue. Press it, then stand back ten feet. Once your STEVE ROGERS has been activated, give him a proper greeting like the one below:

"Hello STEVE ROGERS sir, my name is _. How are you?"

Be sure to give him full respect and attention. Your STEVE ROGERS may be hungry, so supply it with a Super Meal.

**Do not activate the STEVE ROGERS if:**

You are bald and your head is covered in red paint.

You are a Nazi.

You are Hitler.

You are LOKI LAUFEYSON.

You are a bully.

Failure to follow this instruction may result in the loss of body parts and immediate death.

**To bond with your STEVE ROGERS:**

Use a 1940's accent when talking with it.

Be polite and respectful.

Talk about stuff that happened in the 1940's.

Help it with punching Nazis and RED SKULLS.

Teach it how to use a microwave and a smart phone. (we highly recommend this action!)

**How to care for your STEVE ROGERS:**

The STEVE ROGERS can conveniently care for and feed itself! If you attempt to feed it, it will politely refuse, and continue to eat. However, you must supply your STEVE ROGERS with food, unless you would like your kitchen to burn down from your STEVE ROGERS' actions of trying to cook. If you attempt to remove it's clothing, it will blush furiously and try to hide from you, unless you are/or look like PEGGY CARTER. The STEVE ROGERS is usually not compatible with actions like such.

**Modes:**

The STEVE ROGERS has several modes of operation listed below. The switches are found on the back of its lower neck, next to the activation button.

**Pre-Serum**; Your STEVE ROGERS' appearance will appear less buff and muscular, and will begin to shrink into a small midget-like boy with no strength at all. It will become easily bullied, and want to join the American army. Before enrolling your STEVE ROGERS into the army, be sure you have a nearby.

**Post-Serum**; Your STEVE ROGERS' appearance will switch back to buff and muscular and continue to eat more. It will be highly against bullies, so be sure you bring it everywhere with you to avoid being bullied. It is advised for you to warn bullies to keep away from your STEVE ROGERS unless you wish for them to become seriously injured or to maimed. Injuries may result in death. Your STEVE ROGERS will also be hostile towards RED SKULL and Hydra members. If you own a RED SKULL, keep the two apart as much as possible. Your STEVE ROGERS may attract PEGGY CARTERS so be sure that you give them some space to form some sort of romance. If you do not wish for that to happen, keep your STEVE ROGERS away from PEGGY CARTERS.

**Ice**; Your STEVE ROGERS will appear frozen and will remain asleep for almost 70 years. We do not advise that you use this mode. Note that your STEVE ROGERS may switch from Post-Serum to Ice Mode if your STEVE ROGERS manages to crash a plane into ice.

**Avengers**; Your STEVE ROGERS will be close to the organizations The Avengers and SHIELD. It is recommended that you keep your STEVE ROGERS away from TONY STARKS and LOKIS. Your STEVE ROGERS will be less attached to PEGGY CARTERS due to believing that they are dead. If there are any living PEGGY CARTERS nearby, keep them apart if you would like to make a move. If not, introduce your alive PEGGY CARTER to your STEVE ROGERS for the sake of its happiness.

**Compatibility With Other MARVEL Inc. Products:**

; Your STEVE ROGERS will be very nice and respectful to . It is recommended that you prevent a Hydra soldier from killing one in the presence of your STEVE ROGERS.

**BUCKY BARNES**; Your STEVE ROGERS will be very friendly towards BUCKEY BARNES. Avoid the death of BUCKEY BARNES to avoid a state of mental depression for your STEVE ROGERS.

**PEGGY CARTER**; Your STEVE ROGERS will act very nice and polite towards PEGGY CARTERS, but also nervous. Although, PEGGY CARTERS will ruin any fangirl's chances of being STEVE ROGERS' girlfriend. It is advised to keep your STEVE ROGERS away from PEGGY CARTERS if you are romantically interested in it.

Your STEVE ROGERS is also highly compatible with NATASHA ROMANOFFS, CLINT BARTONS, BRUCE BANNERS, THOR ODINSONS, and is somewhat half compatible with TONY STARKS.

We advise that you keep your STEVE ROGERS away from RED SKULLS, Hydra members, LOKIS, and Nazis at all times.

**FAQ's:**

Q; I have tried getting my STEVE ROGERS drunk many times without success. Any suggestions?

A; While we are against getting STEVE ROGERS drunk, this problem may be caused by your STEVE ROGERS being set in Post-Serum mode. In order for your STEVE ROGERS to get drunk, switch it into Pre-Serum mode.

Q; I accidentally let my STEVE ROGERS meet a TONY STARK, and they haven't stopped arguing. What should I do?

A; Switch your STEVE ROGERS into Ice Mode, then remove it from the situation. It is best not to fight with TONY STARKS.

Q; I'm trying to make my STEVE ROGERS become my boyfriend, but it isn't working. How can I make my STEVE ROGERS like like me?

A; This may be due to the fact that your STEVE ROGERS has met a PEGGY CARTER. If you switch your STEVE ROGERS into Pre-Serum Mode, it may be more willing to be your boyfriend due to the fact that it doesn't attract girls much.

**Conclusion**

With proper usage and care, the STEVE ROGERS will be a very humble and loving friend for a lifetime, as well as a wonderful example of American culture, a great supporter of July 4, and proof that some old things never die. We hope you will enjoy your full experience with the STEVE ROGERS and we hope you purchase the rest of the MARVEL Inc. products!

If you have any questions/comments, feel free to contact us at ! Thank you for your purchase!


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Avengers, Humor, Parody