Twilight 1. This Random A Story!

_**A Twilight Fanfic - A Day With the Cullens and Quileutes**_

_**Summary: The Cullens and the Quileutes are on good terms now. So what more than to show great friendship than having a small picnic party? Wait, why is Jacob hugging that tree?! Edward's trying to what?! Why is everybody playing Uno?!**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. If I did, I would be . But I'm not. So yeah.**_

_**Notes: There will be boyxboy, crazyness, randomness, OOCness, and cussing. The Volturi are featured in this. Not to cause havoc though. Just to be there. Oh, Edward and Bella aren't a couple. If you don't like it, please go.**_

A Day With the Cullens and Quileutes

"Do I have to?"

This is the common asked question to an adult. It's also the most annoying. "Yes, you have to." "But _**he **_will be there." The man in the wheelchair glanced up at his son. "Jacob, you're being a child right now." Said teen, moved from his position from leaning against the wall. "No, I'm not. Dad, I don't like him. He irriates me." "As if you don't irriate him?"

Jacob opened his mouth to protest, then closed it. "Point taken."

Billy simply chuckled. "Now go finish getting dressed."

When Jacob went to his room, Sam entered the Blacks' home. "He was being stupid again, wasn't he?", he asked. Billy sighed. "You have no idea."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Dear God, I hope they don't act retarded or something during the picnic." "Hey!" The two adults looked up to see a pouting Jacob. "I don't act like that." "You are now." "You are." "No. You are, Jacob." "Bite me!"

"I'll leave Edward up to that.", Sam teased. Jacob blushed, resisting the urge to strangle the pack's Alpha. One, Sam may know Jacob actually had a crush on Edward. Two, if he knew, the whole pack knew. Three, if the pack knew, then Edward knew. Four, if Edward knew, Jacob's life is over.

"Shut up. Don't mention that leech to me." "Aaahh... is little Jakey missing his Eddie?"

"Shut the hell up! I don't like him like that! Bad enough I have to see him." In truth, Jake was kind of wanting to see the vampire. He wouldn't admit it, but it he had a small crush on Edward.

Sam patted Jacob's head and grabbed his hand. "Come on! We have a picnic to attend."

_**(LATER)**_

"I knew I smelt a mutt around here." "Shut it, blondie, or I'll rip you a new one." Rosalie growled at the teen. "As if!" "Rose, Jake, refrain yourselves from killing each. Your emotions are a raving rollercoaster.", Jasper hissed, glaring at the two.

Seeing that Jake and Rose were about to pounce and try and kill each other, Edward and Emmett decided to interfere. "Yeah. You're wrecking Jasper's sanity, Jacob." Jacob sent a death glare towards Edward, who in turn smirked.

_'Fucking leech.'_

"Jacob, you don't have to insult me." Jacob blushed. He grumbled and ran on the other side of the field.

It didn't take long, when soon the two parties had everything set for the picnic... cookout... whatever you want to call it.

Billy, Esme and Carlisle were over at one table under the cover-up, discussing their children.

Sam, Jared, Paul, and Emmett were goofing off in the outer field. Seth watching, not able to join the fun because Leah was close by keeping a close eye on her brother.

Embry, Quil, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, and Bella were at another table. They were engaged in Uno. Jacob was laying on a blanket, sleeping. Don't know why he just was.

Now, where was Edward? No one knew. He disappeared sometime after they finished eating. Knowing that sometimes Edward preferred to be alone, they didn't bother looking for him.

"Hey! Why don't we play a game?", Seth suddenly asked, jumping up from his game. In honesty, he didn't want to be left out in having fun. Just because he was small didn't mean he wasn't strong. He was a damn shifter! A Quileute, damn it! But I digress...

"What game?", Leah asked, hoping her brother wasn't choosing something stupid that would get him killed.

"Let's find Edward!"

Nevermind...

Alice settled down her Wild Card, declaring red. "Seth... this is Edward we're finding, he doesn't happen to be our Edward?"

Seth nodded. "Oh come on! It will be fun!"

Billy slapped his hands down on his wheelchair's arms. "Well, it's about time for my show. I'm going home. Bella, could you take me home?" Bella simply nodded. She said, "Uno OUT!"

The remaining players were left in amazement. "Damn. Fifth time she whooped our asses.", Emmett whined, throwing his cards down. Bella shrugged and proceeding on her task on taking Billy home. "Be sure to tell Jacob, I'll be at home.", Billy declared. The duo left, leaving the others.

"So... let's play that game. Seth, what happens if we find him?", Paul asked. Seth blushed at the older's gaze. "Uh... whoever finds Eddie first gets to choose his or her slave for a month. And they must do everything the winner commands. Deal?"

_'Yeah... my brother is so trying to get killed.'_

Rosalie noticed Leah's distressed look and patted her back. "I know the feeling."

"Okay, I'm in! Who else?", Quil said. Everyone else agreed. Even Carlisle. He wanted to see how this goes. "Okay. Just find Edward. Only rule." "So we can work in pairs?", Esme asked. Seth nodded. "Uh huh." "Then I want to go with my little brother." Seth took off. Leah followed closely. "SETH, DON'T THINK YOU'LL BE ABLE TO ESCAPE!"

When the others left to find the coppered haired male, they forgot about Jacob. The wolf was currently, still sleeping. He was unaware of the golden eyes watching him. "Ngh... guys, we shouldn't be killing each other! (1)"

Still sleep, he didn't know a tall figure now loomed over him. The man bend down and whispered in Jacob's ear, "Wake up, my beautiful wolf."

Jacob screamed like a girl and tried to swing at the intruder. "SWEET BABY BACK RIBS! Oh... just you, Cullen."

Edward laughed, seeing Jacob's usually tanned skin colored red. "Embarrassed?"

Jacob crossed his arms. "No. Why did you wake me?" "Just wanted to. By the way, you're so cute when sleeping." Jacob growled and stood. "Who do I look like to you? Justin -" "Don't say it." (2)

The wolf rolled his eyes. He noticed everyone disappeared. "Hey. Where is everybody?"

Edward shrugged. "Don't know. But what I do know is..." He grabbed Jacob's hand and pulled him towards him. Jacob yelped. "Edward! Hey!" "That we finally have a moment together."

There was a sudden slapping sound through the air.

_**(TWO HOURS LATER!)**_

"Guys, apparently this dude knows where to hide! I can't find him anywhere!", Jared groaned. Embry nodded. "I agree. Where could Edward have gone?" "We checked the house.", Alice mumbled.

"The cliff.", Emmett whined.

"The border.", Seth sulked, placing his butt on the ground.

"We even checked under Jacob's bed to see if Jacob stashed his ass there.", Sam hissed. "I can't even look at Billy any more. He thinks I'm creeping on Jake!"

"Not how Ed-" "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MEEEEE!"

Paul looked over his shoulder to see two figures moving rapidly through the forest. One was paralyzed with fear and the other looked angry.

"GET BACK HERE!" "HELL NO, YOU RAPIST!"

"Is that? Oh shit! It's Edward!", Jasper hollered. The group watched as Jacob ran onto the beach, Edward close by. Jacob had stopped close by the water and turned around, holding his hands up. "Listen, Edward, you don't want this! You'll regret it!"

Edward shook his head in disagreement. "No. I won't regret this. I do want it.", he drawled in a sexy tone. It was enough to make the wolf to shake and almost wet right there.

"Cullen, you'll- ugh- you're just drunk!" "Vampires don't get drunk! Now come here!" Edward went to pounce, but intstead landed in sand. He looked up to his right, to see Jacob close to the water. "Jacob...", he growled. Jacob whimpered. "I..."

He screamed when he saw Edward running towards him. He jumped in the water, knowing Edward was the vampiric Flash. Despite that, the vampire jumped in with him.

Meanwhile on the shore...

"See, Seth? That's why I don't allow you to have much sugar." Seth sighed and sat in the sand. Jared sat next to him. "This is weird. Why is Edward chasing Jacob?"

"Oh. You don't know?", Esme asked. Eyes turned to the vampire mom. She noticed the weird looks. "What?"

"What do you mean 'you don't know'? What are you applying?", Carlisle asked. Esme chuckled. "Edward is courting Jacob." "SAY WHAT?!"

Eyes turned to Emmett. "I didn't know Edward was so bold." "Emmett, it's okay for a man to love another man." "No, I don't have a problem with that, Alice. It's just... Jacob? Just yesterday, he was mumbling about not being able to look at Jacob. Now he's willing to get that ass?"

Everybody blinked. They turned back to the water. At the moment, Edward had Jacob in his arms, hugging from behind. Jacob was struggling in the hold. "LET ME GO! YOU BASTARD!"

"Jacob, I have full intentions on making you my mate." "NO YOU DON'T! YOU DON'T WANT THIS!"

"Jacob-" "RRRAAAAAWWWWWRRRR!"

With that deranged war cry, Jacob kicked Edward and waddled fast out the water. He ran behind a nearby tree. He held a tight grip on it.

Edward growled, ignoring the awkward stares he was getting. "Jacob Black, get your ass over here!" "Nuh uh. You are crazy!"

Edward growled and ran behind Jacob. The two ran around the tree until Jacob decided to climb it onto a branch. "Edward, I'm not coming down until you come to your senses.", he declared. He will stay in the tree all fucking night if he wanted. He liked Edward... a lot. In fact, he imprinted on him. But he wasn't going to let Edward _**murder **_his ass in bed.

"Jacob, I'm going to lose it! If I don't have you! I will kill something or someone!" "You wouldn't, you pussy!"

"Jacob!" Jacob looked onto the sandy area. He glared down at Sam. "If you're the damn Alpha, you better get that leech!" Sam crossed his arms. "Jacob, just let him." "Nuh uh. If I d-OH SHIT!"

Edward started pushing the tree. Jacob began falling to the ground. To prevent his falling onto his head, he turned landing on his feet. He looked up and sung, "Let 'em burn! Let 'em burn! They're no longer my concern! Let 'em burn! Let 'em burn! Time to show the world it's my turn! I won't care how they're going to scream! Let the fire rage on! The flames never seem to bother me!" (3)

Edward and the others was stunned a little as they watch Jacob turned wolf and escape. "Did he just sing?", Alice asked. Esme nodded. "Apparently, he did. Edward?" Edward shook his head to get out of his trance. He then gave an all-knowing smirk. "If he sings that good I wonder how he'll be in bed."

"Edward!", Esme warned. She didn't mind that Ed wanted his Jake, but talking dirty? Her mommy senses kicked in.

"Edward, go and get your man before he gets into trouble.", Quil reminded. Edward nodded. He got into position to take off, but instead he caught the sight of Jacob's wolf form charging back. "Jacob?", Paul questioned. Jacob ran behind a tree and appeared again wearing a black oversized shirt and a pair of shorts. "Jacob, you look distraught.", Leah said, pointing at his face. Jacob nodded. "Bad vampires are coming, man. Bad vampires."

"Dear Jacob, how in any way are we bad vampires?"

Jacob yelped and hid behind Sam.

The group looked up to see the Volturi. Aro, Marcus, Caius, Jane, Alec, Demetri, and Felix. Seth blushed seeing Alec smiling brightly. '_Oh dear... please tell me he's not another Edward Cullen!'_

Edward glared at the younger. "Seth, I can clearly read your every thought." "Not my fault you went cukoo for Jacob's sweet ass."

"Do I look like Taylor Lautner to you, Clearwater?", Jacob sassed, forgetting about hiding. (4)

Seth rolled his eyes. "Whatever." "Aro, what are you doing here?", Alice asked. Aro shrugged. "Just wanted to visit. Besides, what I just saw was more entertaining than in Italy."

"Indeed. So, Edward, you plan having Jacob as a mate?", Jane asked. Edward just smiled. Jacob groaned and turned his back towards the group. "Fuck you all! I'm going home!" "The hell you preach!", Jared commanded. Quil and Embry grabbed Jacob's oversized shirt and pulled him towards the group. "You're staying." Jacob pouted and flopped down into the sand. "Why me?"

_**(TWO MORE HOURS LATER!)**_

"Yo! Don't give it up, Embry! Dreamin'! Don't give it, Quil! Dreamin'! Don't fuck it up, Paul!" (5)

"SETH MOTHERFUCKING CLEARWATER! SHUT THE HELL UP!"

At the moment, the vampires and wolves decided to play a few games. Right at the moment, they were playing a race game. Quil, Embry, and Paul were going against Edward, Emmett, and Jasper.

Seth was singing to cheer on his team, yet insulting Paul. Which both him and his sister found hilarious. "My, aren't you quite the entertaining group?", Alec teased, stepping closer to Seth.

Jacob laid back on a large boulder. "You have noooo idea. We played Strip Monopoly."

"Not you.", Leah confirmed. Jacob raised an eyebrow. "If Edward's gone, I'm playing. If he's not gone... I'm nowhere to be found." Edward frowned at that. How much he wanted to see his puppy stripping?

How big is the universe? That will answer your question.

"Okay. Ready to start?", Carlisle asked.

"Yeah!"

"Alright! Go!"

The two teams went off. The others stayed and watched. Leah noticed that Edward was going faster than ever before. "Wow, I know he's the fastest Cullen, but he moves like the dead Flash." Jacob paled and ran off. Felix raised an eyebrow to that. "Where did he go?"

"Probably to go hide again or move to Georgia. If Edward moves that fast on his feet, imagine how he moves in bed."

Demetri gasped at that image. "He's gonna break that poor wolf!"

Alec chuckled and wrapped an arm around Seth. Seth blushed. "He's not going to be the only wolf.", the vampire drawled. Jane smirked at her brother's advances and Leah growled. "Hey, leech, get your hands off my baby brother."

Seth blushed even more. "Leah, I'm not a baby." "You are in my eyes. You're still young and there's no way you're getting pregnant without marriage first!"

She's very, very overprotective.

Seth groaned, embarrassed that Alec was now sniffing is neck, Jane was approving it, and Leah was growling. _'Why me?'_

"Looks like the Cullens win this one. Hey, where did Jacob go?", Embry asked. "He probably went somewhere to hide.", Edward answered, walking away into the forest. When he was gone, Alice spoke. She pressed her hands together in front of her face. "I hope and pray he's alright."

"It really seems Edward has full intentions of making Jacob rightfully his.", Aro said. Marcus nodded. "Appears that way." "It's so cute!", Esme cooed. "My son actually is trying to love someone." Carlisle smacked his forehead. He found a hyperactive wife.

"That wolf is so going to get it.", Rosalie laughed. Emmett looked around, catching a scent. "Hey, smell that?" "It's... eeeewwwww. They're actually doing it. In the woods.", Alice pouted. "I knew it! Paul, you owe my my twenty!", Seth cheered, still trying to get out Alec's grasp. Paul groaned. "Fuck."

"Jasper, can you feel anything?", Jared asked. Jasper frowned. "Oh, I'm getting a lot. You don't want to know those emotions."

"Well, aren't they the fiesty ones?", Caius teased. Marcus was just about to say something when, "Ngh... ah! EDWARD!"

"Paul, you owe me the ten, too." "Shit!" "Okay! What the hell did you bet, Seth?" Seth had given up, so now he's cuddling in Alec's chest. "I bet Jacob's first time with Edward will be in the woods. I also bet Jacob will bottom."

"Damn it!", Paul cursed. Leah smacked the back of his head.

Quil giggled. "Oh boy. Paul, you are stupid."

"Fuck you, Quil." "Always knew you wanted to."

"Whatever."

_**(THIRTY MINUTES LATER)**_

"Ouch, ouch, ouch." The group turned to see Jacob stumbled out of the woods and sit in a nearby chair.

They were currently playing a large game of Uno. Trust me... they had enough cards. "Hey, Jacob! Are you okay?", Sam asked. "Red."

Jacob nodded. "I got bit on the ankle by two snakes. I'm glad they weren't venomous. Seth, Paul, I know what you're about to ask. Forget it." Seth pouted and crossed his arms. "I was not." He turned back to the game and declared, "Uno out!"

Alec, who still wondered how Seth managed to escape his love grip, smiled at the wolf's success. "Congrats, my pup."

Seth sighed and sulked to the ground. "Now he thinks I'm a baby." "That because you are.", Rosalie said, placing down a green seven. "Shut up, Blondie!"

"Seth!", Leah and Sam warned. He crossed his arms. By that time, Edward emerged from the forest. "Hey! Cut it out! Jacob, are you okay?" "Uh huh. It's healed now. Or you forgot that us shifters heal quickly?"

"We do.", Jared said, placing down a Wild Draw Four Card. "Uno out! Yellow."

"Shit.", Emmett cussed, drawing four. Quil smiled. "Uno out!"

"Are all you Quileutes good at Uno or something? It's not fair.", Jasper voiced. Seth, Jared, and Quil nodded. "Yup."

"Well, we should head back to Italy.", Marcus said, standing from the table. He really hated Uno. "Indeed, but we will be sure to visit again, soon.", Caius agreed. The rest of the Volturi stood. Except Alec. Somehow, he got Seth back into his arms. Seth gave up on fighting his advances. He admitted to himself that he actually enjoyed the touches.

"I don't want to leave just yet.", Alec whined. He held Seth tighter to his body. Seth nuzzled in his neck. Aro smiled. "I guess we can stay a little longer." "A week, perhaps?", Felix suggested.

"Alright, but where will you stay?", Alice asked. "We actually have a house built here, just in case.", Demetri informed. "So, no need to worry about that."

"We also have the supplies we need.", Jane said, looking over at Alec. "Except _**those **_supplies." "Oh hell no! No one will be needing those supplies! Not this week!", Leah protested. As much as she wanted children of her own of nieces and nephews, she couldn't have Seth have kids just yet.

"Well, since it's all decided, how about we retire? I'm tired.", Jacob yawned. Paul was just about to say something until... "Don't even say it.", Edward warned. Paul crossed his arms. "Sometimes, I forget you can read minds." "What am I thinking of, Edward?", Embry asked. "Tacos." Embry giggled at that. "It sounds so funny when he says that."

"Anyways, let's head home. I think Emily baked cookies.", Sam said. The pack nodded and went wolf. Seth frowned a bit. "Aaaawwww! And I was just getting comfy!", he wailed. Alec chuckled and hugged the younger. "It's okay. We have a whole week for that. Maybe even longer."

Edward watched as Seth sighed and hugged the vampire back. He held a sleeping Jacob in his arms, volunteering to carry Jacob back to his house. He turned to Sam who nodded. "Alec, with Sam's permission, which is granted, you may walk Seth back to the rev." Alec looked to Sam who gave a short bark. "Thank you."

It didn't take long to get back to the rev. Edward was pretty fast on his feet, even if he was carrying Jacob. Alec and Seth walked side by side, holding hands. Leah, in her wolf form, was behind them.

When they got to the Clearwater, the older wolf gave them some privacy. But not before bonking Alec on the head with her paw.

Seeing that they were alone, the others inside snacking on cookies, Alec spoke. "You were quite the fiesty one today. I really thought you didn't like me." Seth chuckled and rested his head on the taller's chest. "Nah. Just wanted to have some fun. You looked really scared seeing my sister all protective of me." "I was. But I understand. She just wants her baby brother safe." "I'm not a baby!" "You're being one now."

Seth smacked Alec's chest. "Shut it." "You're cute when angry." "I bet you would think so." "I do."

"SETH! IF YOU WANT SOME COOKIES YOU BETTER GET THEM BEFORE EMBRY GETS THEM!"

Seth gasped. "KEEP THEM AWAY FROM HIM, PAUL!" "YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T KNOW HOW HE GETS AROUND FOOD, MAN! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!"

The younger growled. "Mangy bastard." He turned to Alec and kissed his cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow?" Alec nodded. "Of course."

Seth blushed as Alec lifted his chin and his lips got closer.

'Oh my gosh! He's going to kiss me!'

And kiss he did! (6) Seth closed his eyes when he felt cold lips upon his warmer ones. He wrapped his arms around the Volturi guard's neck, deepening the kiss. After a few seconds, Alec broke it. "Well, I must be going, but I promise I'll be back." Seth nodded, speechless for words.

Alec gave him one more kiss, leaving the wolf dazed. Seth sighed and swooned his way back in the house. Paul slapped his head when he entered the kitchen. "Hey! Don't- ah! Where are the cookies?!"

Emily pulled out a plate. "Right here!"

Seth hugged her and started wolfing (I'm about to laugh!) down the cookies. "Thank you, Emmy! These cookies are the best!" "To keep Embry from eating the cookies we had to tie him down.", Jared announced. "Where is he now?" "Sleeping upstairs."

"Okay." And the cookie munching continued.

**Well, that's the end of it! It's my first Twilight Fanfic, so be gentle...**

**Um... here's some notes!**

**1- This is actually a quote from Grown-Ups 2! Taylor Launter's character (I don't think they gave him a name) said it. I would say what scene, but I'm not spoiling it for ya!**

**2- He was about to say "Justin Timberlake". The story this, well, it's crazy. My sister and I were talking about popstars. When she was about to mention Justin Bieber, I told her not to say it. (Inside joke) She said she was about to mention Timberlake. (No I have nothing against the two Justins)**

**3- If you seen Frozen, you know the song Let It Go. These lyrics are from the parody of that song, called Let 'Em Burn. I don't own the song. **

**4- If you don't know this, Taylor Launter plays Jacob Black in the Twilight Saga. He also played in Abduction (short movie, but loved it), Sharkboy and Lavagirl, and did the voice of that pirate kid in Danny Phantom. This is also another inside joke between me and my sis. She kind of looks like Launter (not too much), but she one time asked me this and when I laughed, she knew what was up.**

**5- To all my anime fans, this is from the One Piece Rap in the 4kids version. The last part was actually an idea from the abridged version by PurpleeyesWTF of None Piece. I don't any of this. But the abridged series is pretty funny. They also did Code MENT, abridged of Code Geass.**

**6- I said this before. I writing one of my stories (not fanfiction for once) and one of my characters was like "Oh my gosh! He's going to kiss me!" Aloud, I said, "and kiss he did!"**

**So I hope you enjoyed this! I will do a sequel. The Volturi staying in Washington for a week! Review!**


	2. Author's Note I Know U Hate 'Em

**I'm So Sorry, But... No**

Dear Readers of this fanfic,

I probably won't write the sequel to this. I don't think I could do it. I just don't think I can. I thought I could, but I decided against it.

So to those that have enjoyed it, thank you.

To those that haven't... eh.

Those that wanted a sequel, I'm sorry. :'(

Please accept my sincere apologizes...

Kiya is outie!


End file.

Twilight, Humor, Romance