Bleach 1. Prologue

Well, this is the first fanfic I have written in quite some time! I am excited to be writing it, though I won't stay excited without readers! So please, read, review, comment, and enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters besides Himiko Toshigiri. All of them belong to someone else. After all, if they belonged to me, Bleach would be rated R.

Long, long ago in a distant world, Himiko Toshigiri was visiting her old friends. It had been years since she had left the Seireitei, fifty to be exact, yet she still looked the same. Her black hair was cut just above her shoulders and layered, the bangs ending just above her ever changing eyes. Ever changing wasn't really the way to describe them, though. After all, they merely shifted between three colors: water blue when she was happy or calm, green when she was sad or afraid, and a dark blue when she was angry. Her skin was still the same pale shade it had always been. And her physique was still nearly the same, though she was a bit thinner these days.

Currently, the former captain was talking to Renji Abarai, Izuru Kira, and Momo Hinamori. They had just been appointed to the fifth division when she deserted the Seireitei, choosing instead to join her brother and his best friend, Kisuke Urahara, in the world of the living. In fact, she had quite enjoyed that decision, soon finding that she preferred human clothes to Shinigami garb. Currently she was wearing a pair of black pants and a grey, tight fitting tank top. Black boots and a silver locket completed her outfit.

"So let me get this straight," Himiko said. "Aizen, Gin, and Tousen betrayed Soul Society, and they escaped into Hueco Mundo? But before that, they nearly killed the three of you along with several others?"

"Pretty much, yeah." Renji Abarai said.

Renji had been placed in Himiko's division, and therefore was the closest to her. He had been more than upset when she left the day after he joined. Of course, it had caused him to become a lieutenant. On the down side, he had a stuck up bastard as his captain. He loathed Byakuya Kuchiki with a passion, though he was starting to grow more attached to him.

That didn't mean he'd start liking him after all. To remind him of that, he had let Yachiru run amuck in the Sixth Division's Captain's office for nearly two hours before Byakuya had returned and tricked her out with assorted sweets.

"I s-s-st-still c-c-can-can't believe h-he s-s-s-s-s-s-s-" Hinamori stuttered, tears streaming down her face as she thought of her former captain.

"Stabbed." Kira supplied helpfully.

"Stabbed me!" Hinamori finished with a wail. She promptly placed her head in her hands, continuing to cry while Kira and Renji patted her back gently.

"Gin promised me he wouldn't hurt her…and then he let Aizen stab her. I should have never trusted him…" Kira said, hanging his head.

Himiko arched an eyebrow. The Seireitei had seemed to fall apart after she, Raisho, Kisuke, and Yoruichi had left. It was sad. In her day, no captain would dare to betray them. Then again, who would, when you had Urahara there on a daily basis. He _was_ the man who had chased his own lieutenant, Mayuri Kurotsuchi, down, dressed in some odd mascot suit of what appeared to be a deformed teddy bear with an antenna screaming "Touch Me!"

The old captain sighed, stroking her chin thoughtfully. "Well, there is only one logical course of action to be taken." She muttered to herself, tugging on her 'WWUD' bracelet. She raised her voice for the others to hear. "Well, it's been nice chatting with you, but I simply must go."

Well, this is the end of the first chapter! I'll have the second chapter up by tonight or tomorrow hopefully. Here's a bit of a spoiler for it, to keep you hooked since this chapter was not that exciting:

_Grimmjow's jaw dropped. For once, he was speechless, they all were. In the time span of a minute, Ulquiorra had gasped, showing emotion for the first time ever. Gin's eyes had widened to an extent formerly believed impossible. Nnitora had stopped grinning. And Aizen had fallen down a flight of stairs, face frozen in shock._

Yep. It's gonna be good. Why is Grimmjow speechless? Why is Ulquiorra finally showing emotions? Why are Gin's eyes open? Why is Nnitora not being creepy? Why had Aizen fallen down a flight of stairs???? Find out next time in...

THE SCOURGE OF HUECO MUNDO!


	2. This is Madness!

"Stupid motherfuckers, calling a meeting this early in the damn morning, interrupting my shitty nap…bastards," A certain blue-haired Arrancar muttered under his breath to himself.

It was currently four A.M. in Las Noches, located in the Hollow ridden realm, Hueco Mundo. Normally, the Espada were still sleeping at this time. Even early rising Szayel Apollo Granz would usually still be asleep for another hour. Unfortunately, their almighty, holier-than-thou leader, Sosuke Aizen, former captain of the Fifth Division, had decided to wake them up because they needed to attend an emergency meeting.

Of course, Grimmjow wouldn't be nearly this upset, if it weren't for the fact that their three ex-Shinigami commanders had yet to show up.

Ulquiorra looked over at the muttering sixth Espada, his normal, emotionless expression on his face. "Are you quite done now?" He asked, looking at Grimmjow boredly.

"Fuck you!" Grimmjow snapped.

"Would you both shut up? I'm trying to sleep."

The last comment came from the second Espada, Stark. This early morning meeting was murder for the older man. He considered eleven early, so it was hard for him to get up at this ungodly hour. But, even he would not risk Aizen's wraith just for a little more sleep. Instead he had opted to snooze on the table while they waited for him to make his appearance.

"Why? It's not like you'll be getting much sleep anyways. By the time you actually fall asleep, Aizen-sama will show up and you'll just have to wake right back up. At least those two are providing some form of entertainment while we wait." Pink-haired Szayel said, pushing his glasses up with the palm of his hand.

Stark sighed. Of course Szayel was right. He was always right. By the time he'd fall asleep with this lot of idiots around, Aizen would show up. He scowled as he sat up, propping his head on a hand, elbow on the long table that was placed in the meeting room. And of course, once Aizen got there, no matter how important what he had to say was, he'd force them to have tea first. Sometimes he thought the ex-Shinigami had a tea fetish.

"You whipper-snappers are all so impatient." The oldest look Espada said. No one knew his name; they just referred to him as Old Man. Of course, this only served to fuel his lectures on how young people today had no respect for their elders.

"Up yours, Old Man." Grimmjow snapped.

"Grimmjow, be more respectful." Halibel said. Her arms were crossed over her ample chest. That was probably a good thing. Her uniform didn't do much to cover it up.

"You would say something like that." Nnitora said, grinning widely. He had never liked Halibel, and picked fights with her whenever he could. Though, to be completely fair, it wasn't Halibel he disliked. He hated all females. He thought they were subordinate to men. In fact, that was the whole reason he respected Aizen. He had stabbed a whiney female through the chest. It was a pity he didn't kill her though.

Before Halibel could snap at Nnitora for his comment, the door leading into the room opened. All eyes turned to look up at it.

At the top of the stairs stood Sosuke Aizen. He was smiling down at them, as he always did. It was a deceitful smile, though. It wasn't real. Steps behind him on either side were Kaname Tousen and Gin Ichimaru.

Kaname Tousen stood there silently as he always did. It was hard to tell what he was thinking, as he kept his face blank at all times. As blank as his unseeing eyes. Gin Ichimaru, on the other hand, was very expressive. His eyes were closed tightly, and a grin was very apparent. It would be hard to miss that grin, seeing as it basically took up half his face.

Aizen took a few steps down the stairs. "I apologize for waking you all at this hour, but I have important news. It would appear we have an intruder. Though I am sure you'll be able to handle them easily, After all, it's madness to invade Los Noches alone."

"MADNESS?! MADNESS! THIS, IS, SEIREITEI!" A voice yelled from directly behind Aizen. The owner of the voice pulled her leg up and kicked, hard.

Aizen's eyes widened in shock, and his grand smile disappeared. The foot connected with his back and sent him flying down the stairs. Gin's eyes shot open as his own smile faded. Shock registered on his face. Tousen, however, was unaware that Aizen had just been kicked down his own stairs.

"What? What happened?" He asked in response to the gasps everyone had just let out.

Even Ulquiorra had gasped. His face showed a mixture of shock, surprise, and anger. Who would dare to push Aizen-sama down the stairs? They would pay for their actions! Nnitora's grin had disappeared as well. That had never happened before, it was unthinkable. It was impossible, it was improbable, it was against the Espada's religion!

Grimmjow's jaw dropped. For once, he was speechless, they all were. In the time span of a minute, Ulquiorra had gasped, showing emotion for the first time ever. Gin's eyes had widened to an extent formerly believed impossible. Nnitora had stopped grinning. And Aizen had fallen down a flight of stairs, face frozen in shock.

Aizen landed at the bottom of the stairs with an 'oomph!' He was sprawled across the floor, twitching slightly. Right now, he looked anything but an evil overlord. Gin's eyes slipped shut and his smile reappeared as he ran down the stairs. "Aizen-sama! Are you alright?" He asked, helping his former taichou to his feet.

"I'm fine Gin." Aizen said as he brushed himself off and ran a hand through his hair. He turned to face the attacker, face narrowed in anger. His eyes widened again when he saw the person. "H-Himiko Toshigiri?"

"Damn right you gutless bastard!" Himiko shouted.

"How dare you kick me!"

"How dare I? How dare **you**!" Himiko retorted. "You stabbed Momo, injured Byakuya, manipulated the Seireitei, nearly killed Sajin, corrupted Gin and Tousen, stole Kisuke's invention, betrayed us all, and created an army comprised of a large oaf, an anger management reject, an emo clown, a big breasted hoe, an old man, a Shunsui knockoff, a tall guy with a spoon fetish, a girly Mayuri knockoff, a Mr. T knockoff, and a ROBOT!"

"I am not a robot!" Aaroniero argued.

"Riight, C3PO." Himiko rolled her eyes.

"My name is Aaroniero!"

"….Aaron…ero?" Himiko blinked. "OMG 5+ LOLWTF FTW!!!!!1"

"W-what did she just say?" Grimmjow asked, unsure of what she had just said. It sounded to him like she had just said 'oh-em-gee five plus lull wha-tuf, futew!!!! One.' But that was ridiculous. Then again, she looked ridiculous.

"She just switched to internet chat speak, a language used by lazy teenagers who are part of the CCC clan, a group who believes in completely butchering the English language cause it 'sux as'." Szayel explained.

"That is completely irrelevant in comparison to the fact that this THING is the reincarnation of Emperor Nero!" Himiko shouted.

"Emperor WHO?" Aaroniero asked, completely baffled.

"Emperor Nero, a horrible violin player who burnt Rome for the lulz." Himiko said.

"I AM NOT EMPEROR NERO!" Aaroniero screamed.

"SHUT UP!" Aizen screamed.

To Be Continued….


End file.

Bleach, Humor