Once Upon a Time Cross Out Emma

_**Disclaimer: The characters of Once Upon A Time, I mean, Swan Queen, do not belong to me. This is a 4x05 reaction fic. Omg, they weren't kidding when they said that the ep would be SQ. They weren't, omg. And how gay is Emma? It's AWESOME. Kind of cements for me SQ being meant to be. Anyway, this is Regina's POV of the episode.**_

Cross Out Emma

By Julia

_Dear Diary,_

_I can't make her _go away._ I wish that I could. Doesn't she know that am so mad at her? And that she has to grovel her way back in? That I can't be _bought_? She keeps coming around. I am pretending that I am looking hard for a way to save Marian. I don't need my ex-girlfriend…. If that's even what you could call it…. getting up in my face. Trying to get me to forgive her. How does she expect me to do that? She's been pretending to be into Hook, so I had to bide my time somehow. And I killed that time with Robin Hood. Emma had no right to take him away. She still has her little toy. Whether she loves him or not isn't the issue. She didn't have the right. I don't… I can't handle her being around me all the time. She'll worm her way back in. Like she always does. I don't know how she _does _that. How she can just get under my skin that way._

_Dear Diary,_

_She found me. Again. I was sitting in my office, and she comes barging in like she belongs. I don't know why she can't let this, let me, go. I don't want to be with her. Be whatever we were, anymore. I need my own space._

Regina put down the pen. She was _here_. Again. She kept bothering her. Regina had decided that she had to go in search of the Snow Queen. She knew that Ms. Swan was going to offer to go. Sidney had told her where to go. She was going to go. "Ms. Swan, I told you to leave." Regina said smoothly. She didn't want to hear her excuses. They didn't have anything to talk about. Regina didn't need her. Regardless of what Ms. Swan seemed to think. She looked up, though, and for a second, was arrested by those almost green hazel eyes. Regina loved those eyes. It felt…. Like no one could ever get through to her like those eyes. She had to force herself to look away, even though she didn't want to. She never would forget that emerald gaze. Regina had to calm herself, force back the tears at the betrayal. How could she just waltz back in here to ask forgiveness? Regina couldn't speak anymore just that moment, she was too wrapped up in emotion.

"Just, let me help you, Regina." Emma's voice sounded sad. That broke Regina. And she was already broken. By this woman here with her. Regina kept quiet as she listened to Emma talk. "Regina, I am sorry that I messed up. I didn't mean to hurt you. I really didn't. You… you know how I felt about you. I can't…. I can't make up for what I did. I know that. But let me try. That's all I can do. Is try." Regina didn't know what else to say. She didn't want Ms. Swan to think that this behavior was acceptable. Regina was not into trying to help Emma learn how to do things. Well, except maybe magic. Regina was definitely a fan of teaching her magic.

Steeling herself, Regina turned to face her. "Ms. Swan. I am not going to help you feel less guilty. You _are_ guilty. You ruined my life. I don't want you to think that it's okay. This behavior." Regina's tone was final, and Emma was pouting. Actually pouting. That was actually adorable, God help her. She had to stop having those thoughts about Emma. Because she was fairly certain she didn't want her anymore. Probably. Regina watched Emma's eyes roaming her body. That was crazy. Regina had to admit, that she liked it. She really did. Regina knew that that was crazy. Regina shouldn't still get turned on by that look.

The look on Emma's face killed her. Her voice sounded sad, too. Emma said, "You mean a lot to me, Regina. I…. I wanted to be your friend." The way that she said that made Regina think that she meant something else. Regina had to admit, there was a part of her that wanted to let her off the hook. But the bigger part of her couldn't do it. Regina wasn't done making her feel guilty. Regina was silent as she was watching Emma shift nervously. "Regina, I honestly just want to help you."

Regina turned her back from her, she just wanted to let her feel guilty. She went back to the spells she was working on while she waited for Sidney to come back with news. Regina was still thinking about her constantly, and that wasn't helping her anger. Regina was still getting turned on whenever she saw her. Regina was sure why that was, she still was so angry. Why did that have to happen? Why did Emma have to do things that someone told her _not_ to do? That was insane. She was so frustrating. In every sense of the word.

"Come on, Regina, talk to me!" Emma pleaded with her. Regina didn't want to talk to her. She knew that if she did, Emma would suck her back in. Regina couldn't have that right now. She had to be angry. Emma had to be punished. Regina wanted her to get that there were consequences. She couldn't just let Emma get away with this. Regina watched Emma and bit her lip. She really was so hot. Regina was having a hard time staying focused on being angry. She didn't know how Emma could expect to just be let off the hook for her behavior because she was sexy. Damn it was distracting. Fuck. Emma was talking again, what was she saying?

Regina kept her face turned away. Honestly. "Ms. Swan, I don't have to do anything. I am not required to help you assuage your guilt. Why can't you ever do as you're told? I mean, honestly. You were told not to change anything. So what do you do? You change something." Regina honestly didn't know how Emma could go through life like her father. Regina wasn't at all surprised. She kept her gaze on Emma. Seriously. How could she be so frustrating? And why did she still have to be so sexy? It was insane. She kept her arms folded tightly. She wasn't going to let the blonde get to her. She wasn't, dammit. She inwardly sighed.

Emma didn't look away. Regina gave her credit. She was trying. Emma looked at her, and started to talk. "Regina, when I was younger… there was this girl." Emma said softly. She didn't know what Emma was going to say, but Regina couldn't help but wait for her to continue. Emma said, "There was this girl…. And we were, well, let's just say we were friends." She told her. Regina's eyebrow raised. Did that mean…. Was she saying she dated this girl? That was interesting. "And things got messed up, it wasn't my fault, but I couldn't fix it once it was messed up. I don't want that to happen to us. I have to try. I can't just let this stay the same. It's…. I don't like it." Emma sounded like she meant it. What was Regina supposed to say? Regina couldn't look away from those eyes though. "What do you want me to do, Regina? Please, tell me. What can I do? Do you think that I care about Hook? I don't. I never did. He's just…. I don't even know what he is for sure. But I don't care about him. I…" She stopped herself, and Regina wondered why.

"What do you want me to say, Emma?" Regina finally burst out. She didn't like the pressure to do what Emma wanted. She didn't do things on other people's time line. Regina did things on _her_ timeline. She didn't know what Emma expected her to say. It wasn't exactly easy, this situation. Regina wasn't going to just say she was going to forgive her. She also didn't notice that she'd called her 'Emma' and not 'Ms. Swan'. "I told you, I am not ready to say I forgive you. You can't just expect me to wave a wand and suddenly be okay with this." Regina's tone was cold. She was wavering though. That wasn't good. Her eyes fell to her shoes. "Were you…. did you date that girl?" Regina finally asked. She hated how small and nervous she sounded about that. Regina didn't want to let on that she cared about the answer. She didn't. Like, at all. Regina nervously tucked some of her black hair behind her ear. She didn't want the answer to be yes. Why was she jealous? Emma _just said _that this girl wasn't in her life anymore. What was there to be nervous about? Regina didn't want to think about Emma, _her _Emma, with another woman. Regina kept her gaze away. Don't look her in the eyes. They'd get to her.

"Regina, what are you asking for? Why does it matter?" Emma asked, but there was no challenge in her tone. She didn't know how Emma was being so calm. Emma leaned closer, so close that her breath was on Regina's neck. "Are you jealous? Because no one has ever done to me what you've done to me, Regina. You make me the wettest I've ever been, just when you look at me." Emma whispered, and Regina's breath caught. Her hands moved jus near enough to Regina's arms. Regina was practically shaking with need. Emma let her hands touch Regina, her hands sliding over her. Regina was too turned on to stop her. Emma's mouth neared Regina's. But she didn't make contact. Regina could feel herself getting moist. She didn't know what to do. This was very tempting. It was like dangling alcohol in front of an alcoholic. Regina just couldn't resist. Emma Swan was her drug of choice. She was an Emmaholic. Emma spoke again, her breath hot against Regina's lips. "You are the only one who turns me on, Regina. The only cocks I go for are battery powered." Then her lips were on Regina's.

There was nothing to do but let her. Regina was only human. Emma's hands pushed up her skirt, and one of them slipped into her underwear. She slid her fingers along the slick wet folds of Regina's sex. A gasp left Regina, and her hips arched up. This shouldn't turn her on so much. Regina couldn't help herself. Emma's fingers slid inside her, and Regina's eyes rolled back. The blonde kept her gaze, but she wasn't going to be the one to do it. That would be giving in, and that was the one thing that she wouldn't do. Regina kept looking at Emma, as her other hand reached up to cup Regina's breast. Emma let her hand stroke her. Regina's breath caught, and she arched up into Emma's hand. She wasn't sure that she'd ever had better sex. Regina couldn't even think right now. She could only feel Emma. That was all that made up her thought process. She breathed heavily, as Emma moved her fingers even faster. Regina didn't know what was even going on. How had Emma gotten through her defenses? That wouldn't ever have happened before Regina had met Emma. She could hardly breathe, and she was going to come. With a moan, she did.

Regina pushed her away, putting all of her clothes to rights. "You can't just fuck me and then expect things to change." Regina snapped. Emma looked crestfallen. Regina didn't exactly care at the moment. "You are not going to get back into my good graces." Regina's tone was final. She didn't want to see Emma anymore that day. "Get the fuck out." She said, and Emma did, looking back over her shoulder once. Tears brushed Regina's face as soon as Emma walked out. She opened her diary to write more.

_Dear Diary,_

_She came and fucked me. I don't know how I'm going to keep her away. I am still so angry at her. But I can't get her out of my head. I can't turn her away. Part of me responds to her I guess. I need help. Emma, I'm addicted to her. And I'm afraid it will never stop._

_**Author's note: Hope ya'll liked! My first ever Swan Queen fic. Omg the gay on that episode, though. Oh the angst. XD. Review if you want!**_


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Once Upon a Time, Angst, Romance