Twilight 1. Chapter 1

**This was my entry for the Bandward Contest - and if you haven't read the other entries you seriously should head over there, there were so many good ones! Thank you to everyone who reviewed, favorited and followed my entry! Some of you asked if I would continue the story: I am working on an EPOV outtake, and if that works out I might continue the story for a few chapters. No promises! My writing has been kind of stumped for a while...**

**And, someone asked if I shouldn't have credited the lyrics? Well, you see, Bandward only sings what I write for him, so there's no need. ;-)**

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**Disclaimer: The author does not own any of the publicly recognizable entities herein. No copyright infringement is intended. Just playing around here, folks!**

"So, Bella – partying at last?"

I shook my head and smiled a little to myself before picking up my pink, girly drink from the bartender and turning around.

"Well, Alice, you always say that I'm desperately eager to please everybody but myself, so tonight I'm doing my best to please _you_."

I stabbed her accusingly in the chest with one free hand, while balancing the stupid cocktail glass with my other hand for a sip before I spilled the whole thing down the front of my borrowed dress. Thank God at least the thing was black.

Alice arched her perfectly formed eyebrows and smirked knowingly up at me. My tiny college roommate was also the nemesis of my social life. She had this crazy idea that college was about having _fun_, not preparing for a meaningful life and a successful career in the real world. Tonight, I'd given her free reins, and I was already beginning to regret it.

I sipped the sweetly tart drink (hmm, _sweet, tart_, there's probably a joke in there somewhere) and glanced suspiciously around the dark club where Alice had dragged us. It was packed with people and humming with energy. She'd sworn it was the place to be tonight because of this indie band which was on tour around the country and now hit the Midwest. They had just started climbing the charts with their first song and, according to Alice, they were going to be huge soon.

"People will be all _I saw them that night before they were big_, Bella. We've got to be there!"

So, here we were. I loved music but I never went to concerts anymore. I still remembered the last concert I'd seen back when I was in high school. We'd piled into a van and driven to Olympia to see Edward Cullen play his last set for the summer, before he took off for college. Well, officially we went to see Eric, Tyler and Mike, too, but every girl knew who she was going to have her eyes glued on. Edward had magic hands, but he also had hypnotic green eyes, a sexy mouth, and narrow hips that did weird things to my vagina every time I watched him sway.

I'd never crushed so badly on anyone before or after Edward, but luckily no one ever found out. I stood there in the restless crowd that night and watched him sing, dark and broody and sexy as sin, and I knew I could never, ever have someone like him. Nor should I want to. Someone like Edward could destroy a good girl like me. Bella Swan: class president, honors student, non-smoker, non-drinker. Probably destined to remain a virgin until 25. I shook my head and pushed my way out through the jumping girls who were screaming for Edward's attention, clutching my borrowed ID in my pocket. Were those tears of shame or regret I cried that night? I didn't know but I knew I'd never looked back, and I hadn't been to another concert since then, not until tonight.

"Hurry up and finish your drink, Bella," Alice cried, breaking me out of my reverie. "We've got to get into position."

Confused, I gulped down most of my drink and left the glass on the bar when Alice impatiently yanked on my arm and started weaving her way through the crowd like a small snake through high grass.

"What, Alice?" I hissed impatiently, as she came to an abrupt stop, landing us within ten feet of the stage and uncomfortably squashed between hip-looking people of both sexes who looked as irritated as I felt at Alice's forward behavior. "Why do we have to force ourselves into the middle of the crowd when I was perfectly fine over at the bar?"

Alice shook her head with a pitying look at me, adjusting her sequined red tank top.

"You're really new to this, aren't you Bella? If you want to feel the music you've got to be close to the stage. It's a basic rule." She grinned at me with unfailing good humor, and I was suddenly reminded of why I liked her so much, in spite of her annoying bossiness. "Plus, if you want to make an impression on any hunky members of the band, you've got to make sure that they see you, Bella!"

She poked me playfully in the stomach, reminding me of how uncomfortable I'd been at the start of the evening when Alice spent an hour teasing my hair, applying make-up and testing out her wardrobe on me. Apparently, the slinky black dress with random parts replaced by spidery black lace that I was now wearing was _completely right_ for a rock concert, for reasons passing my understanding. I'd at least managed to pair the too short dress with my trusty black Chucks and had brought along an old jean jacket, which Alice reluctantly admitted could be interpreted as "grungy".

As we were trying to talk above the noise, the background music suddenly stopped, the lights faded and the crowd surged together like debris swept up by a giant broom when a voice announced:

"Ladies and gentlemen, it's the moment you've all been waiting for. I give you the hottest new band on the US charts – ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Eclipse!"

The shrill screams of the girls standing next to me were deafening, and even Alice jumped up and down, sounding like a siren. I concentrated on keeping upright and elbowing the people who were pressing too hard against me. A chord from an electric guitar rolled through the room and the beat from the drums seemed to reverb in my ribs as the spotlights hit the band now on stage. Before I knew it, I was dancing with everybody else, if jumping up and down in time to a beat may be considered dancing.

A striking redhead in black jeans and a skimpy black t-shirt was wielding the bass, looking stonily out at the crowd, and her deep notes went like bullets into my body, confusing my heart into beating along right with it. The guitarist standing closest to us was cute, with curling blond hair and a shy smile, and the drummer looked like a mountain of a man behind the drums. But when I saw the lead singer over on the left my head swam, and for a minute I thought that someone must surely have put drugs in my drink.

"_Under your thumb_," he crooned, tousled brown hair falling into his eyes as his long fingers deftly picked out the chords to the song. Low and sultry, it was a voice to die for. _Oh my God._ Edward Cullen, back to haunt me from the long-repressed past.

Eclipse's first set passed in a daze. The songs were mostly dark love-songs about pain and loneliness, drugs and love gone wrong, but with beautiful melodies and a driving beat that stopped them from seeming monotonous or depressing. I would have left the room if there'd been any chance of getting Alice's attention and of beating my way out of the pit I was in. As it was, bodies were pressing in on me from all sides and I couldn't understand how Alice, who was shorter than I was, didn't panic.

My only option seemed to be like the Chinese saying about rape – "If you can't escape it, try to lie back and enjoy it." _Yeah, right_. Experiencing how Edward worked his magic on the crowd was not as painful as a visit to the dentist but left me with the same feeling of having been uncomfortably probed in a very personal place. There was no doubt about his charisma and talent; the man had the whole room in the palm of his hand. Against my will I felt the old ache start up in my chest as I listened to his heartbreaking voice singing "_nights without you never seemed more dark" _and watched his gorgeous, chiseled face turn to the spotlights. It felt as if he was singing every word to me, about me, and it didn't help that I realized how the rest of the people staring up at the stage with rapt attention were probably experiencing the same thing.

As soon as a twenty-minute break was announced, I pulled Alice with me to the line outside the bathrooms to get a breather.

"Oh my God, Bella! Aren't they great? And isn't their guitarist just yummy?" Alice was practically bouncing like a glittering Christmas ornament on drugs, jostling the girls ahead of her in line for the ladies room. I put my arm around her shoulder in an awkward attempt to calm her down.

"Yeah, sure, I guess. If you go for that Byronic, brooding look." My voice sounded unconvincingly cheery and I could feel my spirits drooping. Alice stared at me.

"What do you mean Byronic? I was thinking more of a Ryan Gosling-look if you ask me, shy but adorable. I just love how he flirts with us across the stage-lights, don't you? Hey, are you all right, Bella? You look kind of pale. Did someone step on your toes in there?"

I leaned in to make sure no one else would hear me as I mumbled, "I've seen the lead singer before. Edward Cullen. We went to the same school a long time ago. It doesn't bring back happy memories. Do you think we could leave early or something?"

I don't know what I was hoping for but it was not Alice hugging herself and squealing loudly. I winced as she grabbed my arm so hard it hurt, and then I was unceremoniously pushed inside a toilet stall before I knew what was happening.

"Get out of here, Bella!" Alice's voice, which usually tinkled like wind-chimes, was an intense whisper, and her eyes looked about to pop right out of her pretty little head as she pressed her back against the door to avoid pushing me into the toilet bowl.

"You're telling me you've got an in? You know the lead singer? That is _so great_! Do you think you could get us behind the stage after the concert, so I could meet their cute guitarist? That would totally be like a dream come true! Oh, Bella, why didn't you tell me that you knew someone in Eclipse? Do you realize how awesome this is?"

I shook my head tiredly. "No, Alice, I don't know him, we just went to the same school. I used to go to his concerts back then, but we never spoke. I doubt he would even recognize me if we met. I'd rather go home if you don't mind. I've got a headache."

It was a white lie, but I didn't feel like explaining my mood. I'd put mooning, unhappy Bella far behind me and I wasn't about to resurrect her now.

But Alice didn't budge from the door and her dark blue eyes were boring into mine in a way that I recognized all too well. She gripped both my hands tightly in her own and spoke slowly and clearly.

"You. Are. Not. Leaving. We're staying until the end, and then we will use our feminine wiles to get behind the stage and meet the band. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Bella Swan, and I'm not letting it pass me by."

She straightened up, and just as quickly as she had pushed us inside the tiny stall, she pulled us out. Within minutes we were back at the bar, where Alice, in some unfathomable way, managed to get two nice young men to buy us each a beer. One thing led to another and they ended up escorting us back into the whirlpool of bodies in front of the stage. I felt slightly guilty, but also grateful to have a shield at my back when the band came on and the crowd pressed forward again. Riley, a sandy-haired guy with a narrow face and hazel eyes, smiled down over my shoulder when I excused myself as I stepped on his toes.

"Don't worry, Bella. I've got your back."

And then we were once more trapped in the tracking-beam of Edward Cullen's voice and stage presence. Like an alien mother-ship, he was preparing to pull us all with him into outer space as his voice climbed higher and higher. "_Ashes, ashes, cold and blue, lost without your fire" _he sang, and suddenly I was sure he was looking at me. It was a jolt of electricity to my system, and with the sensory overload of alcohol, heat and body-crunching sound, I had the disconcerting feeling that I was floating in the middle of the room, alone with Edward's gaze. It went on forever - or maybe only 10 seconds - but when his eyes moved away from me I might have fallen to my knees unless Riley's arm under my elbow and the press of bodies close to me had held me up.

The rest of the concert I focused on the other members of Eclipse: Tanya, the stunning Amazon with the bass, which she occasionally slapped with something that looked like a drumstick, making me wince in sympathy. Jasper, the dreamy-eyed lead guitarist who seemed to have taken Alice's fancy, did remind me a little bit of Ryan Gosling, maybe because of his gentle smile. His fingers, too, flew over the guitar strings, coaching wild and beautiful sounds from them, but not the way Edward's guitar wept under his long, supple hands. At the back of the stage Emmett, dressed in a black, sleeveless t-shirt that showed off his huge, muscular arms, grinned like a cute gorilla hunched over his drum-set. They were a force of nature together, and I didn't doubt Alice's prediction that these guys were about to make it big.

I was exhausted by the time everyone had given up clapping and started dispersing, but Alice wasted no time. With a cheerful "See you guys later!" she dumped Riley and his friend Alec by the bar and hauled me off at maximum speed towards what I guessed might be a door to the back of the club. Unsurprisingly, it was locked. Alice only took a quick look around before rushing down a hallway and bursting out through something that was clearly a fire exit into the alley behind the building. Eager like a terrier, she hurried before me around the corner and ran smack into a huge guy who stood smoking near the brick wall.

"Hey, little lady, are you okay?" There was laughter in his voice, but also concern at the tiny doll he was holding up with one huge paw on her pale arm.

Alice hardly stopped to breathe before squealing, "You're Emmett!"

The drummer of Eclipse grinned down at Alice and gently released her. "That's right. And who might you two be?" He winked at me and I felt myself blushing.

Alice elbowed me, none too gently. "Tell him, Bella!" I felt extremely silly, but since I had promised Alice I would try, I did.

"Oh, well. Um, I went to school with Edward Cullen, back in Forks, five years ago or so? If you could tell him Bella Swan from Forks is here, please? If he has time to see me, that is?"

A new nudge in my side. "Oh, me and Alice?"

I could hear how everything I said ended up sounding like a question. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Of course he wouldn't want to see me. He didn't know me from Eve.

Emmett just looked at me speculatively for a moment, then grinned again. It was like watching the sun come out from behind a cloud and I couldn't help warming to him on the spot.

"Okay, Bella Swan, I will relay your message to Eddie-boy. But I have to warn you, we don't have much time for socializing. We have to get our gear in order since we're taking off again early tomorrow. And if I know my guys, there's sure to be an after-party later they want to get to. Maybe you could tag along to that? Oh, you're both welcome, of course," he added with a quick look at Alice, who seemed suffused with nervous energy and was practically jumping up and down by now.

He stubbed out the cigarette under his boot and jerked his head as a signal for us to follow him. Alice made a mad face at me behind him, and I frowned back at her. _Behave!_

Further back in the alley people were loading black boxes of stuff into the back of a small truck, and Emmett told us to wait by the car as he made his way into the dark cave that served as a combined delivery door and stage entrance. I wanted to bite my nails, but since Alice had painted them dark blue I didn't dare to. _That stuff might be toxic._

"Don't get your hopes up," I told Alice. "He probably has no idea who I am. I was a geeky girl and he was the coolest kid everyone knew already in middle school, always in trouble with the teachers. Plus he graduated a year before me. And, anyway, he wouldn't…"

Alice looked at me as if I was the crazy one, not her. "Shut. Up. Bella Swan, stop selling yourself short. Of course he remembers you. Forks must be tiny. And horny teenage guys always remember a pretty girl. Oh."

The reason Alice had suddenly lost her tongue hovered beside us outside the stage entrance, blond, tall and lanky and with his hands shoved deep into his distressed blue jeans.

"Which one of you is Bella Swan? I'm Jasper Hale by the way, pleased to meet you." He held out his hand to shake, and since Alice seemed to be dumbstruck, I made the introductions.

"So, Edward said to tell you that you're both welcome to come with us to the after-party," he continued. "Do you have a car? Otherwise you could just ride with us. There's plenty of room in the bus." He gestured vaguely at a vehicle parked behind the truck, where the red-haired bassist was just loading her instrument case, looking at us while pretending not to look at us.

This seemed to be Alice's wake-up call. She sprang to life, radiating new energy straight at Jasper, who looked a little taken-aback.

"Oh yes! That would be great. Could we ride with you? That would actually be perfect. When should we be ready to leave?"

Jasper looked over his shoulder at Tanya, who stuck her head out of the bus and shouted, "Jazz! If you get your stuff too, we'll be ready to roll in five minutes."

He smiled at us. "Five minutes, ladies."

I ended up in the back of the bus, squashed in beside Alice and Jasper who seemed to get along just fine in spite of Alice's stream-of-consciousness mode of conversation. Jasper seemed to be the strong and silent type, so in that way they were a perfect match. I only got a quick glimpse of Edward, who climbed in last as he was driving, momentarily worried that I had been invited along under false pretenses. What if he misremembered me as some hot high school chick he'd once had a one-night-stand with?

My qualms were put to rest once we pulled up outside a big house in the suburbs which was already swimming with lights, people and music. As I exited the bus, Edward stood there, a cigarette hanging from his lips, offering me a hand and a self-satisfied smirk.

"Hi, Edward! I'm Bella Swan from Forks. I don't know if you remember me at all, I…"

He interrupted me smoothly. "Of course I remember you, Bella. How could I forget? Forks high school had, what, four hundred students? And you held pretty much every student office function that school had on offer, didn't you? Congratulations by the way; I heard you made valedictorian, too."

I couldn't believe my ears. "I … I, how did you even know that? That was after you left Forks!"

His smile grew warmer, and I felt my insides melting as if my heart was made of ice cream.

"My mom keeps track of everyone and lets me know the latest gossip every time I call her. I guess she must have too much time on her hands."

I blushed and didn't know where to look. "Oh. Well, I'm sure she's very proud of you compared to most of us. Didn't you go to college on the East Coast?"

Now it was Edward's turn to look away, dragging on his cigarette and letting the smoke curl away from me into the cooling night air.

"Yeah, but I dropped out after a couple of years to give more time to my music. It wasn't really working out and my heart wasn't in it. New York meant a lot of opportunities to play though, so it wasn't a total loss. Do you want to go inside and grab a drink, Bella? You look like you're freezing."

I shivered and nodded. The dress was way too short, the jacket thin, and not intended for standing around outside in the spring night. As I walked up to the open front door I briefly felt Edward's warm hand splayed protectively across my back and shivered again at the unfamiliar touch.

A lot of people wanted to say hello to Edward when we walked in so I sidled off and spent the next half hour on my own, going from room to room in the huge house, sipping a bright red vodka drink that a guy acting as bartender mixed for me. I could see that Alice seemed to have no trouble fitting into the crowd, which consisted mostly of college kids like ourselves and a sprinkling of professional thirty-somethings who were there to meet the band. She looked animated and glamorous in her skintight jeans and glittery top and made people laugh just by her own infectious gaiety. I gulped down my drink for courage and approached the group around her, hovering on the outskirts of their conversation and trying to think of something to say. _I don't belong here. Why am I here?_

I was momentarily startled when I felt someone move up close behind me and a low voice in my ear said, "Do you dance?"

I was starting to feel a little dizzy and shook my head, glancing up to find Edward standing next to me again, staring at my mouth. _Was I drooling?_

"No, not really. I mean, it's not a good idea for the uncoordinated to challenge gravity, or what do you think?"

His eyes crinkled. "Okay, point taken. You love music, you just don't want to move to it. So, how did you enjoy the concert?"

Embarrassed, I realized I should probably have gushed to him about it as soon as we met. "Oh, sorry, I totally forgot. It was a beautiful concert, really good. I can see why you guys are climbing the charts. Have you made any plans for the future now that you're on your way to national stardom?"

Edward's brow knitted as if he resented my question, which may have sounded unintentionally flippant. "I know what I want, if that's what you're asking, but that doesn't mean it's going to happen. Very few bands make it after their first hit single, and it's not easy to make a living in the music industry. You need major back-up and advertising, which we don't have so far. We've been on the road pretty much non-stop for the past year." With his arm around my elbow, he started to guide me away from the noise and thumping music towards the back of the house.

"But you believe in your own potential, don't you?" I asked, confused by this new, self-deprecating side of him. I focused on putting one foot in front of another on the slippery polished floor. _Lucky that I didn't wear heels tonight._

His laughter sounded short and sharp. "Yeah, I do. But I don't expect the world to come running after me. Lots of people listen to crap, after all." His grip around my arm tightened when I suddenly slipped. I was pulled into his body, getting a whiff of his incredible smell; cigarettes, leather and some kind of spicy cologne. _Mmmm._

"Oh, sorry," I whispered, breathless with both alarm and excitement. He chuckled and righted me, encircling my waist with his arm as he led me out through French doors onto the patio behind the house. I looked up and saw a glassed-in area with a heated pool that sent wisps of white mist into the dark night. Nobody was there but us. Edward helped me sit down on a lounge chair as if I was fragile, and before I could regret the loss of physical contact, he sat down right next to me. His legs in black denim looked incredibly long stretched out in front of him. He was watching me intently, and I felt as if his clear eyes looked right through me.

"You're graduating soon, aren't you Bella? What about _your_ plans for the future? Where are you going from here?" I almost rolled my eyes, but saw no reason not to tell him.

"I'm applying for jobs all over the country, actually. I'm majoring in communication and media and I want to be a copy-writer or work in publishing. Does that sound stupid? Everyone says that they want to work in media these days. I hope you don't think I'm stupid." I realized I was rambling and stared at my feet, blushing. "I don't know why I said that. I'm sorry."

"I definitely don't think of you as stupid, Bella." Edward's voice held a smile and I looked up at him as he offered me a cigarette, then lit up when I shook my head. "But I think you may have a hard time finding the kind of job you'd like. Did you ever think of becoming a writer?"

Now it was my turn to laugh unhappily. "Yeah, right, because that's so much easier. No, I love writing, but I can't fool myself I'll make a living getting novels published and I don't want to teach. And since journalism seems to be outdated, that leaves creative writing for commercial purposes."

Edward looked amused. "Sounds like you're the one who doesn't believe in your own potential."

I huffed. "Yeah, whatever. Your songs don't sound very happy, Edward. Is that why you don't think you'll make it commercially? Why not write more of that stuff they're dancing to in there?" I waved my hand at the house, almost hitting Edward's nose, and noticed with a vague detachment that both my conversation and my movements seemed sloppier than usual.

Edward dropped the half-smoked cigarette to the ground, carefully plucked my waving hand out of the air and laid it to rest on his thigh, stroking it absently with his long thumb. I watched, fascinated, and felt tingles starting to spread from the skin he was touching to the rest of my body.

His eyes were lowered and his absurdly long lashes shadowed his scruffy cheek as he mumbled, "I don't think you're most creative when you're content, Bella. All creation springs from the longing for something, from a _need_, wanting something you can't have. If I was happy, music wouldn't mean so much to me." He looked up at me, and once again I felt pierced by his green gaze. I couldn't move.

"You're not … happy?" I repeated, inanely. I knew I should be cold, but I felt warm and fuzzy with electrical tingles running along my exposed skin from where his hand felt hot on mine. I could see him staring at my mouth, and I licked my lips nervously. Suddenly, all I could think about was kissing him. _Can he read my mind?_

"But not unhappy," he whispered, and then his lips were on mine.

I'd been kissed before, but not like this. His lips were gentle, then increasingly more demanding, and I automatically leaned in as close as I could get when his hand cupped the back of my head and tilted it for better access. His tongue was shockingly warm and smooth as silk, and suddenly I wanted it everywhere on me. I think I made an embarrassing noise as I put my arms around him and tugged on his long, messy hair. He pulled me onto his lap and the metal parts on his belt snagged on my dress as he pressed me up against his hard chest. _God, oh God, oh God … _

We were interrupted by the sound of voices as the French doors were pulled open and people spilled out onto the dark patio. I was panting heavily and my lips felt positively bruised but instinct made me push on Edward's chest and stumble to my feet, free of his arms. I tried to pull down the dress that had somehow hitched high up on my hips, lost my balance, stumbled backwards and then everything was spinning and I was falling, falling …

I barely had time to open my mouth to scream before my nose and eyes filled with water and I kicked frantically as I realized I had fallen into the pool. It could only have been seconds before I broke the surface, flailing, and strong arms pulled me up over the side of the pool, but my heart was pounding with panic. I coughed and sputtered, feeling like a drenched rat while concerned party guests gathered around and suggested everything from brandy to an ambulance.

"Could you bring us some towels, please?" It was Edward, and I realized that the hands holding me, gently stroking the streaming hair out of my face was everybody's hero, not just mine. _I kissed Edward Cullen!_

"Oh my God! Bella! What happened? Are you okay?"

Alice fell to her knees beside me, cradling my face in her hands and staring into my eyes as if she thought I didn't recognize her.

"She fell into the pool. It was an accident. But she needs to get inside and dry off. It's too chilly out here." Edward's voice, low and smooth, sounded reassuring. I suddenly realized I felt very sleepy, and very cold. Just as I started shivering uncontrollably, someone wrapped me in a bath towel and then strong arms lifted me up and carried me into the house.

"I think I should take her home," I heard Edward say. "Bella, is it okay if I make sure you get home all right?" I leaned my wet head against his shoulder. Home, a hot shower and a dry bed sounded like a great idea.

"Yes, please," I said, my voice very small. "I'd like to go home."

Alice put her hand on my arm. "Do you want me to come with you, Bella? Are you feeling okay?"

My head was throbbing, and I felt miserable, wet and humiliated. How typical of me to embarrass myself in front of a house full of strangers. And why couldn't I have kissed Edward safely in the back of a closet instead of outside on a wet and slippery surface?

"No, Alice, it's fine. I'll just change and go to bed. I think I've had too much to drink. I'll see you later." I struggled feebly to set my feet on the floor, and Edward reluctantly put me down outside the bathroom.

"There are more towels in there. Dry off as much as you can, and I'll call a cab. Here, take my jacket. You'll need it." He shrugged out of his leather jacket and handed it to me, then made sure to close the door behind me. I leaned against it, catching my breath, and felt the white room tilting._ Either I did have too much to drink or I'm Edward-intoxicated._

The sight in the bathroom mirror wasn't a pretty one. Lucky I'd at least worn water-proof mascara. I toweled my hair, wrung out my wet jacket and the scrap of a dress as best I could and emptied my shoes of water, then realized that the mini-purse I'd worn slung across my body all night was drenched, too, along with my phone. _Damn._

In spite of the pleasant temperature in the bathroom, I was shivering in my wet dress, and hiding inside Edward's oversized leather jacket was a welcome relief. He was waiting patiently for me when I reemerged, and offered me a blanket to wrap myself in. Even without the leather jacket, he looked twice as glamorous as any man I'd ever seen and I was made more acutely aware of my flat hair and ruined make-up.

"Come on, Bella. The cab is outside. I'll make sure you get home okay." I was absurdly grateful for his arm around me as we walked to the door, receiving curious glances and a few evil smiles from people who would probably tell the story of the drunken girl who embarrassed herself at the Eclipse after-party.

I must have dozed off in the cab, and was jolted awake when Edward said my name as the cab pulled up in front of my apartment building.

"I'll walk you up, Bella," Edward said as he paid the cab driver, and his tone of voice didn't leave room for argument. Not that I objected to the way he let me lean on him, took my keys and opened the door for me, and rode up in the elevator with me. I felt absurdly safe in his presence, considering I'd never talked to him before tonight.

As soon as we stepped inside the apartment he walked ahead and turned on the lights, his shoulders squared, checking like an officer on a crime scene to see if any perpetrators were hiding behind a corner. I couldn't help smiling at him when he returned to me. He mirrored my smile. "What?"

"Are you satisfied that it's safe for me to be here now?" I asked, then shivered involuntarily as the blanket slipped to the floor. Edward's look of concern returned.

"You need a hot bath and some dry clothes. Let me run you a bath before I go. You go get something warm to wear." I nodded, kicked off my shoes and wandered a bit unsteadily towards my bedroom, my hand trailing along the wall. As I peeled off my wet things and hung them on a chair, I wondered idly if Alice would come back later tonight or if she'd run away with Jasper. I felt a sting of disappointment at the way the night had turned out. _Will I ever see Edward again?_

Wrapped in my soft old purple robe, I padded down the hall to the open bathroom door.

Edward was on the floor, checking the temperature of the water, his shirt sleeves pushed up to reveal strong, muscular arms. His bronze-colored hair was even more tousled from the steam and as he abruptly stood up to meet me, my heart ached. He would probably always be the most beautiful man I'd ever seen. My eyes traveled down across his long, lean body, and for the first time I realized that he wasn't exactly dry himself.

I exclaimed, "But Edward, you need to go home and change, too! You can't be comfortable in those wet jeans."

His eyes darkened as he stepped closer to me. His fingers gently touched my cheek, then hooked an errant strand of damp hair behind my ear. There was something at once tender and erotic about the way he touched me and I felt my knees go limp while my nipples budded and rubbed against the robe. _Did I whimper?_

"Do you know how pretty you are, Bella?" he whispered as he leaned in and tentatively nipped my trembling lower lip with his soft mouth. I must have moaned into his mouth as I fell into the kiss, more helpless and overwhelmed than I'd felt falling into the pool. Everything was him, his smell, his hair, his lips and those hands that pulled me into his firm body. My hands seemed to have developed a will of their own, shamelessly pulling at his shirt to find smooth, warm skin, cupping his perfect ass to pull him even closer to me.

His warm lips travelled down my neck, kissing a trail of fire across my shoulder and biting down gently on the fleshy part, which sent a bolt of desire through my center.

"Bella?"

I only hummed in reply, but when he stopped kissing me and caressed my cheek I opened my eyes to him. He was looking deeply into my eyes, and I thought I saw my own barely restrained lust reflected right back at me.

"Bella, I need to know that you're okay with this. Do you know what you're doing right now?"

I could feel a silly, ecstatic smile tugging at my lips and I rubbed myself on Edward's wet jeans, feeling the outline of a definite erection against my hip.

"I hope I'm having sex with Edward Cullen?" I replied.

That seemed to be all the encouragement Edward needed. He growled as his lips crashed onto mine, and I was pinned against the bathroom wall with one of his big hands protecting my head and the other tugging eagerly at my childish robe. I returned his kiss with equal passion and started working with the top button on his jeans which was irritatingly difficult to budge.

When my robe fell to the bathroom floor, Edward took charge of his own clothes, unwilling to stop kissing me even while he was pulling his shirt over his head. He quickly kicked off his shoes and peeled open the damp jeans that clung to his thighs. There was a brief pause while we both took each other in with hungry eyes. Edward was long and lean, muscled but not built, with the body of a man who keeps in shape but doesn't watch himself in the mirror while working out. The planes of his chest, with a sprinkling of chest hair, looked eminently lickable and I let my lips, tongue and teeth follow my impulse. My relative sexual inexperience usually gave me the tendency to overthink things, but the alcohol buzzing through my veins now seemed to pull me in the other direction.

"Oh!" Edward sucked in a breath as I experimentally tugged on his nipple with my teeth. When I tried to draw back to apologize, he pulled me in and growled "Harder!" I complied. _Always nice with a man who isn't afraid to tell you what he wants._

I started kissing my way down across his stomach, bold enough to feel ready to experiment with my inadequate oral skills, since I assumed that was what he would expect, but firm hands on my shoulders pulled me up instead of pressing me down.

"Bedroom, Bella. Now." Edward seemed very clear about what he wanted, and as we stumbled down the hall to my bedroom, kissing and groping, I didn't have time to worry about my nakedness. It wasn't until I was lying on my bed on top of the outfits Alice had made me try out, with a semi-naked rock-god hovering above me in the cold, white street-light from the window, that my nervousness returned.

How did this happen? Why would someone like Edward want to go to bed with me? _Did he go to bed with just anybody? _But before I could start forming coherent sentences, Edward touched my lips with his fingers and whispered, "Shhh, Bella. Don't worry. Let me take care of you."

And take care of me he did. With open-mouthed kisses and lingering caresses, magic fingers and a magic tongue, Edward drove me absolutely crazy. Finally, I couldn't take it any longer and wrestled him down onto his back so that I could get the chance to worship him right back. His chuckle at my eagerness turned into a hiss when I pulled his boxers down and gripped him, silky smooth, warm and so alive under my fingers. I lapped at him with my tongue like a cat, sucked and kissed my way from hip-bone to thigh and let his sounds direct me, getting lost in his pleasure.

"Stop." Edward's voice was hoarse as his hand closed around my wrist, and I wondered for a moment if I'd done something wrong. But his eyes were begging me and demanding at the same time. "I need to be inside you."

I nodded, speechless. _We're really doing this._

Edward groped on the floor after his tangled jeans and came up again, tearing a wrapper with his teeth. I laid down on my back, since the room had started tilting. _Oh, condom. Good call._

Then he was kneeling above me, his fingers teasing me where I was already embarrassingly wet and so ready for him. "You're so soft," he mumbled, leaning down to kiss me gently as he positioned himself, and then … _Oh!_

Nothing had prepared me for the wonder that was Edward Cullen, sheathed deep inside me, groaning sexily as he started to move, excruciatingly slowly at first, then faster as I raised my hips with a moan and kicked at his backside with my heels to urge him on. _More!_ I needed more of him.

"Fuck, Bella!" I don't know why his cursing turned me on so much, but the more animalistic his sounds became, and the harder his pace, the more I felt my body tingling with a rising excitement. When he rolled us around and seated me on top of him, at first I felt exposed and lost my nerve. I soon forgot everything when he played with my breasts and kissed my nipples, mumbling how sexy I looked riding him. His hands gripped my hips strongly as he guided me up and down, every stroke a delicious rub to where I needed it most, and then it wasn't long before I imploded, riding on a wave of golden warmth, rosy fire licking my entire body.

I had barely finished savoring my orgasm when he pulled out and let me collapse on my stomach, boneless, only to be pulled up again on all fours as he positioned himself behind me. His big hands caressed my ass as he pushed my legs wider apart with his knees.

"Bella, you're so lovely. And you have the most fucking delicious ass. God! This will be quick," he mumbled between his teeth. _Aarrgh!_ I didn't recognize my own voice when I cried out as he penetrated me again. _So deep. So good._

"Are you okay?" Edward sounded breathless, but he moved carefully, kissed my skin and caressed my nipples until I pushed back at him and mumbled,

"Yes, please. More." That was all the encouragement he needed to let go. With a growl deep in his chest he gripped my hips in a vise and started pounding, hard and determined so that my entire body shook with the force of his passion. I didn't know which one of us was the loudest, until he finally collapsed on me with a shout as his orgasm took him.

My arms gave way then, and I fell down with my face pressed into a pillow. Gradually, I drifted off in the messy cocoon of bedclothes with Edward's weight heavy upon me. He turned on his side and pulled me in so that I lay clutched in his arms, completely spent and more than a little sore, inside and out. The last thing I remembered was Edward's hot breath in my ear, "Oh, Bella …"

It was the slanting sunlight from the window shining straight into my eyes that woke me late next morning, along with Alice's tiny hand like a claw shaking my shoulder.

"What happened here? Bella, are you all right? Bella?"

I raised my head, then moaned. My head felt as if something heavy was sitting on it, my mouth was dry and covered with fuzz and my body felt as if I had been run over by a train.

"Bella, did someone hurt you? God! What did you do with my clothes? Did you roll around on them all night? Bella Swan! Did you _have sex_ on my best outfits?" Alice's voice rose to a screeching pitch and sliced through my brain like a knife. I pulled a pillow over my head for protection, then started feeling around with my limbs. I was in bed. Naked. Pieces of fabric seemed to be twisted around me haphazardly. I felt like shit. Then it all came back to me.

I sat bolt upright in bed, then winced and cowered as my temples started throbbing painfully at the sudden elevation. Alice was standing by the bed, hands clenched, ready for murder by the look of her. I squinted at the mess around me. The insides of my thighs felt sticky and I smelled of sex. My hair felt like a matted rat's nest and there was bruising on my skin that hadn't been there before. She was right. I looked disgusting and so did the bed, and her clothes. But more important, something, no, someone was missing from the picture. My voice sounded scratchy and unconvincing in my own ears.

"Alice. I slept with Edward. Edward! Where is he?"

Alice's face fell. "He stayed here with you? You had sex with Edward Cullen? Oh, my God Bella – that's unbelievable! When did he leave? I saw him this morning when I said goodbye to Jasper, but I had no idea he'd been staying the night with you." Her mood had changed from murderous to excited but then she looked concerned.

I stared at her. "Edward left this morning?" I started clawing through the things on the bed, looking for something to wear, and ended up pulling on a bright red jersey dress that I had discarded with contempt last night. I jumped out of bed, wincing, and frantically looked around the room for any trace of a message from Edward, anything to assure me that he had in fact been there and used my body so deliciously and thoroughly.

His leather jacket was still on the chair where I'd left it last night when I undressed and I squeezed the slightly damp sleeve, wistful and panicked at the same time. He had _been_ here. But where was he _now_?

"Where did they go, Alice, do you know?" When I looked at her, she slowly shook her head.

"They're on tour for another two months, Bella, and then they're going to record their new album in Los Angeles. It's on their web-page. Didn't you and Edward talk about it?"

I blushed. "It was late, Alice. We didn't really talk that much, and then I must have fallen asleep. I'm not sure when he left."

Suddenly, my eyes landed on something white and unfamiliar on the table by my bed. Alice followed my gaze, walked over and picked up the piece of paper, looked at it and then handed it to me.

My hands trembled as I took it. There was just one black word scrawled across the surface.

_Sorry._

18 months later

"No, Jacob, that's impossible and gross. Stop it." I groaned as I leaned my head in my hands and pushed the laptop away from me on the shiny glass conference table. Jacob just chuckled and leaned back in his chair, further elongating his impossibly tall body. I scowled at him across the table.

Jacob and I had become a team at Williers and White, me as copy editor, him as art director, but sometimes he made working with him so hard. Suggesting that a nude woman in a desert landscape would be the way to sell refrigerators wasn't just juvenile, it showed me that he'd checked out and was no longer taking this meeting seriously. I sighed through my nose.

Jacob was both one of the good points and a source of annoyance in my new life in New York City. I'd arrived after graduation, scared and elated at my new job, and lived on acquaintances' couches for the first few months before I found a tiny place in an apartment building in Brooklyn. Jacob was the one who'd helped me find it and furnish it.

Jacob Black was one of the many young and brilliant people working too long hours for too little money at the Manhattan offices of Williers and White. With his six-foot-four height and broad, muscular build, he would have stood out anywhere even without his black hair, honey-colored complexion and brilliant white smile. But what drew me in was his warm and easy-going friendship, how he didn't seem to take anything seriously and accepted everyone at face value. I needed that, after endless months of brooding over how Edward Cullen had trampled my self-esteem.

Jacob had a quick mind and a sure eye and we worked well together, at least when he didn't lose interest in the job at hand and made silly jokes or started flirting with me. The flirting was what annoyed me, since it seemed to be getting more serious lately. I loved Jacob as a friend and found him attractive as a man, but I wasn't going to risk a good working relationship for some sex and a possible blow-up that could leave us living in a disaster area both professionally and privately. I had very few friends and I didn't want to experience any more emotional disasters.

Alice and I had drifted apart after graduation when she went to Los Angeles to work in design. The last couple of months that we lived together took their toll on our relationship. I was a mess and tried to hide my bouts of crying from Alice. She tip-toed around me and tried to comfort me while respecting my wish to pretend that nothing had happened. I guess living with a depressed person who didn't want to talk was too much for someone with Alice's outgoing disposition because our friendship was never the same. Jacob was a good friend I didn't want to lose in the same way.

I sat up straight in the chair and narrowed my eyes at my friend/colleague who was spouting BDSM-related ideas to me now about women tied against refrigerators and tortured with ice cubes in the desert.

"We'll call it … Fifty Shards of Ice, Bella!" He exploded in guffaws. _Disgusting._

"Shut. Up. Jacob, this meeting is now over. When you're prepared to give your serious attention to the challenge at hand, please let me know. I'll be at my desk, trying to wipe what you've just said from my defiled mind."

I snatched up my laptop and stomped out, followed by Jacob's laughing apology. _Men._

When I got to my desk, I found my boss, James Hunter, there, apparently waiting for me. James made me nervous because he was someone I wanted to impress, and who seemed to have high expectations of me. Now, he took his hands out of his pants pockets and smiled at me, his piercing ice blue eyes intensified by the blue of his suit.

"Bella! I heard you were in a meeting but I came over to tell you that we're giving you a new account. We've landed a contract with a record label that wants us to promote their rising stars, a band called Eclipse. I'm sure you've heard of them? You seem to be down with the kids." James had a very predatory smile that showed too many teeth and I recoiled as much from the shock of his words as his expression.

"Eclipse! Wow, yes, sure I've heard of them. But why? Surely a record label has its own promotion people? Why do they need us?"

James patted my shoulder in a fatherly way.

"Bella, you need to change your attitude. You should be asking yourself why _all _of the record companies aren't seeking our superior services. I'm sure they've heard about us and want to give themselves an edge. It's hard to sell music these days, after all."

He removed his hand from my shoulder and adjusted his Rolex while he looked across the room where people were tapping away at their computers or speaking on the phone, oblivious to the turmoil going on inside me.

"They have a new record and US tour to promote. I'll need you on the team when we meet some representatives this afternoon to iron out the details of what they're looking for. Think social media, magazines, launch parties, premieres, MTV – all the buzz that an ad campaign alone can't buy. I want you to help put this band in everybody's consciousness. They seem a bit dark, but at least the band members are all good looking. Sex sells, Bella. If we can get the world to love them, they will buy their music, dark or not. Four o'clock in conference room Silver, Bella. Oh, and bring Jacob."

And with a last flash of teeth, he stalked off.

I dumped down in my chair, mentally exhausted. _It's okay_, I told myself. _It doesn't mean I have to hang out with Edward. I'll be meeting people from the record company, that's all. They won't know I have this sordid little history of groupie behavior._

The truth was that, while I had studiously avoided listening to or looking up Eclipse online, I was aware that they were the hottest new domestic band to rise in a while. Their first full-length album was released a year ago, made top of the charts and most downloaded for months on end, and Edward's face had started turning up in the gossip rags, always linked to a new model, actress or hot female musician. Every time it happened I turned away deliberately. Never mind the fact that his leather jacket still sat at the back of my closet. Never mind that in weak moments, after too much wine, I went in there and pressed my face into its folds in the darkness, trying to relive the smell and the feel of him. It was still over.

The first week or so, I'd held onto the hope that he'd at least get in touch with me to get his jacket back. But as the weeks passed and there was no word, I realized that I had been discarded, just like the jacket. He probably just moved on and got himself a new one. That did seem to be his general modus operandi. Well, if things worked out with our campaign I'd soon be able to sell that jacket on E-bay for a fortune and take off on a prolonged vacation to the Bahamas. _Great._

Jacob noticed my foul mood and tried to cheer me up by buying me lunch, figuring that he was the guilty one. I waved his apologies away and updated him about the new meeting this afternoon.

"Eclipse? For real? But that's amazing, Bella! Aren't you pleased? I know you love music. It will sure be a change from diapers and refrigerators."

I shrugged. "It's a job, I guess. Should we give it some thought now, so we'll have some ideas to pitch to them after they describe what they think they want? Proactive, you know?" Jacob nodded eagerly. I put my hand on his arm.

"Oh, and Jacob? No naked women, please."

When we were set up for the meeting, James and his second in command, Victoria, walked in with four people I'd never seen before. Or, as my eyes swiveled back for a second look, I realized that I knew one of them. Edward. My heart started pounding as I watched him approach. He looked the same and still more handsome than ever in tight black jeans and a black designer shirt open at the neck. Victoria was all over him, and he didn't seem to mind. _Typical._

As Edward's eyes fixed on me I could have sworn he almost flinched, but then he smiled and shook hands all around. I'd decided to play it cool, so when my turn came and Edward raised his eyebrows in a question I quickly said, "Edward Cullen! I don't know if you remember me, Bella Swan, but we went to the same high school way back in Washington. So good to see how far you've come."

James shot me a quick, appraising look and then smiled. "How wonderful! Why didn't you mention that you knew the band personally, Bella? That makes this so much more interesting."

I shrugged. "No, I can't say that we know each other personally. I knew of Mr. Cullen here, but it's not as if we ever talked. But you know how it is, growing up in a small place."

James' smile was cold as he commented, "Can't say that I do, since I grew up in Chicago," but he let it slide. Jacob couldn't help gushing to Edward about the band's previous album of course, and I let him. No reason to put a fly in his ointment.

Once we were seated around the table, James made an introductory speech and I watched Edward surreptitiously through my lashes. _Did he look uncomfortable? A little, maybe? He should be uncomfortable! Why wasn't he uncomfortable? _

I tried to focus on their agent when he told us what they had in mind for the band. _Yeah, yeah._ Media coverage. Involving the fans. Getting free attention by pimping the band-members out to interviews and performances on talk shows. We were on it already.

Then it was our turn. I left it to Jacob to present the idea. We were going to start a viral campaign, leaving clues here and there, enigmatic films on YouTube, secret passwords to unlock more that you could access by reaching a certain number of retweets and so on. We were going to make the fans frantic enough to pull in everyone they knew to help in the chase. The goal? A new song, not on the coming album, but released exclusively on-line, just before the launch and opening of their next world tour in Madison Square Garden.

I shot Edward a look. He looked thoughtful, but nodded. "A new song? Sure, we can do it. When do you need it? Any ideas of what you want? Something epic? Something quiet?" Jacob looked at me. He always deferred to me when it came to music, after I picked him apart over his preference for eighties music the first time we went out for a beer.

I cleared my throat. "I think something intimate would be in order, to create the feeling that it's each listener one-on-one with the band. You know, as the reward to each one of them personally for making it happen? Make them feel special. Isn't that what you do best?" I couldn't help that my voice went from silk to steel within the space of a sentence. Edward's eyebrows twitched, but he nodded.

"Intimate, you say? Okay, I'll get on it. When?" It was my turn to look at James. He pursed his lips.

"Hmm. The launch and opening concert is in three months' time. We need one or two weeks here to figure things out on our end. If we have the song by the end of this month, we'll have plenty of time to plant it. Oh, and we'll need a video to go with the recording. Why don't we arrange that together? A special, unplugged version, perhaps, recorded with a small audience sworn to secrecy?"

Everyone seemed happy by the time the meeting broke up. As James and Victoria prepared to lead the guests back outside, Edward put a hand on Victoria's arm. She smiled at him brilliantly.

"Excuse me, would it be possible for me to get a couple of minutes alone with Bella? Just to catch up. We won't be long." His smile was as dazzling as hers and I could see her falter and melt.

"Of course. I'll be right outside."

The door closed, leaving us alone across from each other. The sun shone in through the high windows, illuminating the gold and red in his artfully tousled hair. I stood up straight, uncertain what to expect.

"It's good to see you, Bella. This is quite something you've done with your life, and you look exquisite." His voice was warm and smooth, sincere-sounding. _Okay, so he was choosing the high road. Fine._ He paused for a moment and then went on.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for what happened the last time we met. It was a shitty thing to do, leaving you like that. I had an extremely early start the next day and didn't want to wake you, and …"

I cut right through his little speech. "Apology accepted, Edward. It's all water under the bridge now, anyway. I know a one-night-stand when I have one. I've had a couple, and we're all adults here. No regrets, no strings attached and so on. I'm perfectly fine with that. And I knew when we met that we're living too different types of lives to ever have anything more than chemistry together. I'm sure you feel the same. No hard feelings on my side. So, are we good here? No problems working together?"

I'd tried to maintain eye contact through my tirade, but couldn't prevent my eyes from drifting off his perfect face from time to time. It just hurt too much to look at him. But I could see something flitting across his features before they settled into a polite, interested smile.

"I see. No, of course I look forward to working with you, Bella. I'm glad you're not upset with me. I don't usually do …" his voice trailed off as if he'd lost track of what he wanted to say. But maybe he just didn't want to lie to my face? "_I don't do one-night-stands_"? _Yeah. Right._

He reached out and shook my hand briefly and I clenched my toes to resist the tingling that started as soon as he touched my skin. _I-have-no-problem-with-this_, I chanted to myself silently. And then he was gone, and I could take full breaths again.

Jacob tried to interrogate me about my connection with Edward over the next few days, but I cut him short with the truth – that the two of us didn't really know each other at all. We got help with building the web page we wanted, started a blog and a Twitter account and figured out the Easter eggs we wanted to hide and how to plant the clues. While we waited for the recording to take place, we made snippets of clips with the partly concealed logo of the band name and a date, using parts of the hits from the last album to make it recognizable but still intriguing.

I knew I had to do my homework on Eclipse now, and downloaded all their music on my iPod, bringing it with me on the commute to Brooklyn every day. It was like drinking tequila. My guts felt hot and uncomfortable, but it was a heady, reeling high to have Edward's voice in my ears and his lyrics going through my mind. It made me remember his hands and lips on me, and the way he had filled me, completed me – and bruised me. His music had much of the same effect.

But it troubled me that his lyrics were just as dark and twisted as before and I wondered at the put-together guy I'd met in our office. Maybe he was just a good actor? Or maybe this was how he'd decided that Eclipse would sell their music; with heartbreak.

On the Internet I found plenty of pictures that proved attractive women were drawn in by him. Maybe they all wanted to be the one to make him happier? In the more recent pictures it was mostly him and Tanya, though, coming out of restaurants or hanging out at concerts. In high heels she was almost his height, and her mocking smile seemed directed as much at me as at the photographers. Yes, they were a beautiful match. And working closely together could make relationships take off romantically; I'd seen it happen often enough. I told myself I could live with that, too.

When the record company sent a recording of the new song over a week later, I huddled with Jacob in front of the computer for the first listen.

It started out with just Edward and a piano, and then gradually the other instruments joined in. It was a sweet melody, but a jagged, syncopated rhythm, as if love and pain were pulling at each other. It sounded very Jeff Buckley, although I thought Edward's voice was better. It was called "My Iron North." Nice and undecipherable. We could work with that.

As the ball started rolling, even I was surprised at how well our idea worked. As soon as some of the more rabid fans picked up on the clue that something epic and mysterious was going on with Eclipse, they spread it around faster than I would have thought possible. Soon the rumor was that Edward Cullen was running the Twitter account Iron Knight, and the number of followers went through the roof. It was really me, but suffused as I was in Edward's lyrics I had no problem coming up with enigmatic, sarcastic, sexy and troubled tweets. I kept my interactions with the fans to a minimum, since I didn't want to compromise Edward, but once in a while I made some woman's day by replying to one of the less inane messages.

The record company loved it as the invitations to interviews started pouring in. They wanted Edward. They wanted the band. They wanted Edward and Tanya. There was a knight-themed photo-shoot with Vanity Fair. We were allowed to use some of the footage before publication and glimpses of Edward's profile, his hands clutching a silver guitar as if it were a sword, his lips kissing a woman's hand, all appearing on the internet with snatches of the song.

When the music video to the song was going to be recorded, we took a small, select crowd with us to the studio place. It was going to be shot as an unplugged version in black and white, in what looked like a club setting with low lights. I had picked the director and bounced ideas with him, but now when it was time to shoot I hung back, invisible in the shadows, and just watched. Everyone in the audience was carefully groomed to fit the scene, but enough of a music lover to honestly enjoy the thrill of a new Eclipse song even after several takes. The atmosphere felt electric.

I didn't want to admit it, but I was mesmerized. Edward's face was all delicious angles under the lights, his eyes huge and dark when he looked at the cameras. I'd had no idea that he could play the piano, but there was something very sexy about the way his large hands spanned the keys. When he and Tanya looked at each other I felt a flash of jealousy although I knew it was in the script. I wondered if he wrote his songs for her or if the women he sang of were generic.

"_My heart's a compass that is reeling, back again, back again, back again, to my iron north…"_

He sounded genuinely heartbroken as he sang, but that was his gift; to draw us in, feeding our own emotions of pain and longing with his voice. I shook myself, as if I could shake off the melancholia in his song.

After three hours, the director wrapped the take and thanked everybody for their time. I wanted to exchange a few words with the sound director and Edward and the band stayed on signing autographs for the audience with Tanya hovering protectively behind Edward's shoulder.

As I headed for the exit later, I almost ran into them both. Edward put his hand briefly on my arm, as if to steady himself, not me. There were dark circles under his eyes now that the makeup had come off, and he looked pale. Tanya looked perfect as always, and a little hostile. Edward smiled at me.

"Thank you for everything you've done, Bella. You're really good at what you do, you know?"

I searched his face for any trace of mockery, but found none. I smiled faintly back. "Well so are you, Edward. And I'm mostly impersonating _you _right now. I hope you'll let me know if I overstep any lines out there."

He pulled his hand through his hair, messing it up worse than before. Suddenly, he looked shy. "If you want, I could help you with that. You know, write something you can use. Would that be okay?"

I shrugged. "Added authenticity? Sure, that would be fine. Here, why don't you take my card and email me what's on your mind. If I can use it I will." Tanya snorted, but didn't comment. I blushed, digging in my purse as Edward shot her a dirty look. "I didn't mean …"

"It's fine, Bella. I get it. You do your job and I'll do mine." His voice was tired but friendly. He lifted the card from my fingers as if it was a delicate piece of jewelry and slid it into his shirt pocket, nodded and was gone. Tanya stalked beside him, tall in high leather boots. Her back said "Keep off" as clearly as a neon sign. I had no other intentions.

Edward started emailing me, almost every day. Short snatches of ideas, conversations, songs, sarcastic jokes and thoughtful observations. Sometimes I emailed him back. It was easier to communicate with him like this. It was at the same time less personal and more intimate and felt risk-free because I couldn't see his face.

"I don't want to sound conceited, but where are all these women coming from who throw themselves at me on the Internet? I hope you report the ones who enclose naked pictures of themselves. Tell them I only like women with three breasts. No, wait, don't. I hate to think what that might lead to. Edward."

I replied: "I report them. And I wouldn't dream of making your preferences public. That way lies madness. Plus, you wouldn't want to get stalked by paparazzi when you frequent your three-breasted-women clubs, would you? B."

"Har-di-har. Let's change the subject. Will you be coming to the concert next month? We have tickets for you and your co-workers if you want them. I would love to see you there. You deserve it. Edward."

I waited a while before I replied: "Sure. I'll bring a date: Jacob is one of your biggest fans. I'm hoping for ringside seats? B."

There was silence after that, until the next day.

"I've booked you the best seats in the house, right next to the President. Don't you have a non-fraternization policy at your work? The advertising world must be low on ethics. Edward.

Early the next morning I tartly replied: "We sacrifice babies on the roof when there's a full moon. But we do have policies. Jacob and I are not dating-dating, we just hang out. And look who's talking. Aren't you afraid you and Tanya will break up and she'll smash your guitar or something? B."

The only reply I got was a photo of a sketch with a heart next to a guitar, both broken in half and the comment: "It's how I work. Edward."

We had reached the required number of two million retweets well before the deadline. I stayed at work with Jacob to witness the online reactions when the music video to "My Iron North" was released at midnight the day before the concert. The servers almost crashed when tens of thousands of people tried to view the video online on YouTube and download the song for free on Eclipse's webpage at the same time. Fortunately, we had prepared as well as we could for the madness, and after three or four hours, conditions were back to normal again. By then the social media storm released as people started putting up reaction videos and using shouting capitals to proclaim to the world how amazeballs the new song was and how much they wanted to boink Edward Cullen. Jacob and I high-fived each other and shared a cab home to Brooklyn. It was a job well done.

I slept in the next day, treated myself to a latte on the way to work and scrolled through my emails on my phone. There were several from Edward, from earlier this morning.

"Wow. I can't believe how much attention your campaign has given us, Bella. Just wanted to say thank you again for an amazing job. And, I've reserved backstage passes for you and Jacob that you can pick up with your tickets. Please come see us backstage after the show tonight. I haven't seen you in a long time and I want to thank you in person. Edward."

I smiled to myself and clicked on the next one.

"Another thing: there will be a launch party for the new album tomorrow hosted by the record company at a club downtown. It would be fitting to have you and your team there with us. Please send me a list of names and I'll make sure they put you on the guest list. I'd love to see you in your clubbing dress. Edward."

I frowned. Well, that was a little … unexpected. What did he mean, my "clubbing dress"? I remembered the short, black dress I'd worn that night we'd had sex, so very out of character for me. Did he mean he wanted me to look sluttier than I did in my conservative work clothes? Well, fuck him. He could talk to Tanya if he wanted to dictate some woman's wardrobe. I clicked on the next email.

"Bella, I'm sorry about that last email. Please forget what I said about your dress – that was out of line. You look lovely in everything. Please wear whatever you'd like. I look forward to seeing you tonight. Edward."

I looked at the bag standing between my feet on the train floor. I'd already packed my outfit for tonight: a midnight-blue off-the-shoulder dress with a tight bodice and a skirt that flared out and hit just above the knee, and moderately high, matching blue heels. It would do just fine for Edward emo-control-freak Cullen.

Everyone at work smiled and congratulated me on the campaign when I walked in, and even James stopped by my desk to praise my work and make sure I'd gotten the invitation to the launch party tomorrow. Apparently, he'd already contacted the record company and put twenty of us on the guest list, so I didn't need to get back to Edward myself. Jacob was pumped up with excitement for the concert, and I had to try hard to get him to focus on the next account we were going to pitch for – a new teen idol launching his first scent. _Gag._

As I got ready in the bathroom and applied some make-up I felt my hands trembling with anticipation. Even hiding in a crowd of thousands of people couldn't block the dread I felt at being in a room with Eclipse performing for more than an hour. What would it do to my poor heart and lady-parts? I felt a stab of pity for the girls and women whose Edward-tweets I'd read in the past weeks. We were all the same, weren't we: poor, deluded fools for love – or lust. I snapped my purse shut and clicked across the floor to join Jacob, who was waiting by the elevators.

We had no trouble getting into the VIP-section of the venue; a room with huge windows overlooking the hall and with big screens showing close-ups of the stage, furnished with chairs and a bar with all kinds of drinks and snacks. I squeezed Jacob's arm in disbelief as I recognized several celebrities in the room, and the mayor of New York with his wife and daughter.

The opening band was Vamps of Paris, a group of young guys that I'd never listened to but only heard of before, playing some kind of retro French pop-punk. They were energetic and unpolished and raised the energy in the room. But after the stage was set, the lights lowered and the opening strands of one of the hit songs from the last album, _Gone,_ rumbled through the darkness, the audience went wild. And there he was, in the stark white spotlight. Edward. I stared up at his face that filled the screens. He was so unbelievably beautiful as he smiled and lifted his face, letting his eyes reflect the lights. "_Never knew how far I could go until you pulled me inside-out …" _

I think I spent most of the concert almost pressed up against the glass, staring down at the stage. From this distance I couldn't make out Edward's features, but my mind filled in the rest. I'd watched enough videos on-line to know every nuance of his expression, every frown, ironic smirk and smile. His voice felt as intimate as having his hands on me, caressing me and slapping me awake by turns.

I downed a vodka martini without tasting it during the intermission, hardly listening to Jacob as he rambled on about how good the new songs were and how much he hoped they would play his favorites from their debut EP. Representatives from the record company showed up and shook hands and gushed about how the pre-orders for the new album were a new record high and how they hoped to work with us again. I smiled but couldn't focus.

The second set found me in the same place, taut as a string about to snap, waiting for something, but I didn't know what. Not until the very end, when the band came back on for a final encore and Edward announced "My Iron North." But this was a version I hadn't heard before. He started out quietly by the piano, and the others joined in gradually. But there was a new intensity in the build-up of the song that went from piano ballad to a grinding, desperate powerhouse in the second half, with a wailing guitar solo from Jasper that wasn't on the recorded version.

I stared at the screens as Edward closed his eyes and pounded out the lyrics. "_Broken – you've got to be it to believe it. Nobody walks home on shattered bones. But when I weep and hold her near me she walks away, walks away, walks away, 'cause she needs whole."_

As soon as the last chords faded and the lights on stage went out the crowd was roaring, clapping like crazy. It took a long time after the stadium lights came on and generic music started playing over the loudspeakers before people reluctantly started moving towards the exits. I felt dazed, and clutched Jacob's arm as we looked for security to show us how to get backstage. By the time we got to the green room, there was a roaring party in the making. Friends and guests and industry people mixed with groupies in various stages of highs. I could smell weed even if I saw no one smoking and there were drinks for all. Jacob went off to get us something at the bar, and left me looking for people I might know.

A sudden squeal brought me up short, just before a tiny body crashed into me. "Bella! I can't believe how beautiful you are! How are you? God, I've missed you!" I could only stare in disbelief at the pretty girl in silver bouncing up and down in front of me, hugging my waist.

"Alice! What are you doing here?" She looked just the same, only more fashionable than ever, in a short sparkly dress and surreal platform heels. She gestured across the room.

"I'm dating Jasper. I'm only in New York visiting for a few days. I work in the movie industry now, in LA, but I have plans to launch my own fashion line next year. You've done a great job, by the way!" She squeezed my arm. "I was so excited when Jasper told me he'd seen you and that the campaign was your idea. I always knew you'd be a success, Bella."

As great as it was to see Alice, I couldn't stop scanning the room for the band. Where were they? Alice seemed to pick up on my antsy behavior and started dragging me across the room, chatting about how much she enjoyed life in California. As we pushed through a gaggle of people, I suddenly caught sight of two people I knew in the center of a crowd of staring girls. Edward was seated in a chair with a bottle of beer in his hand and Tanya was sprawled across his lap. Her red locks cascaded across his shoulders, her hands were in his tousled dark hair and she was kissing him, obscuring his face from me.

I stopped so quickly that I yanked my hand abruptly out of Alice's grip. I felt sick. Seeing Edward with Tanya should have been unsurprising but still hurt as if someone had just ripped my heart out with iron tongs. Alice's stricken look told me what my face must look like. I tried to smile, but felt my lips wobble, useless. "Bella, I'm sorry, I thought you knew …"

As I started backing down, Edward finally came up for air and his clouded green gaze cleared as he saw me across Tanya's bare shoulder, his eyes widening in panic. I didn't want him to apologize for something that wasn't his fault, so I did what any self-preserving woman would have done: I turned and ran for the door.

When I finally burst outside into the cool night with my heart racing, the streets were filled with people lining up for cabs or cruising for a bar. I ran to the stairs to the train station with only one thought in mind, to get home and hide. On board the rattling train, I tried to quiet the adrenaline coursing through my body with deep breaths, hugging myself to hold it together. A concerned man reading a magazine across from me offered me his coat, thinking I was trembling from cold, but I declined with a lopsided smile. The cold was the least of my problems.

I ran the block from the train station to get to my apartment, and as soon as I'd shut the front door behind me, I started crying. I left my purse and shoes on the floor in the hall and plunged face first into my bed, muffling my wailing with a pillow. How could I be so stupid? I knew what Edward was like, and still I let him get to me again.

By the time the intercom buzzed I was entangled in my bedclothes like a chrysalis, too exhausted to cry anymore but too upset to feel sleepy. _Jacob._ I was immediately hit with a wave of guilt. I'd just run out on him without a word and he must have grown frantic looking for me, not knowing what had happened. I should have texted him to tell him I was safe at home.

I stumbled out of bed, pulling my fingers through my hair and straightening my dress, not even stopping to wash my face or blow my nose on my way to the door. I pressed the button to release the door downstairs. Not that I particularly wanted to talk about this with Jacob, but I knew he probably wouldn't leave until he'd seen that I was okay. I ducked into the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face and pull my hair into a ponytail. I still looked like a train wreck but at least it was under control.

But when I heard the knock on the door and I opened it, it wasn't Jacob. It was Edward. I almost fell flat on my behind. His face was rosy, his hair stood on end crazily as if he'd been yanking it, and under the open coat his chest was heaving for breath. He must have run up five flights of stairs.

He put up his hands in the air before I could open my mouth and his words came tumbling out.

"Bella, please hear me out. I need to talk to you, right now. Tanya is only covering for me, pretending to be my girlfriend to keep the fans and the groupies off my case. I promise you, what you saw back there was only an act, nothing more. She and I haven't slept together and we never will. I haven't dated anyone in the past year, and I don't sleep around, no matter what you think of me."

My mind was reeling. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My voice sounded cracked as I spoke.

"Why are you telling me this, Edward?"

He sighed and pulled his hand through his hair, then rubbed his neck. "Can I come in, please Bella?"

I gestured to the living room couch and shut the door behind him as he walked in and dropped down on the edge of the couch. He looked so out of place in my apartment, larger than life. I leaned against the wall, my arms crossed protectively across my abdomen. Edward looked up at me, then down at the carpet.

"I won't take up too much of your time, Bella, but there are some things you should know." He cleared his voice and braced his hands on his knees.

"I knew who you were in high school, because you were beautiful and smart and amazing. I never talked to you because I was a mess back then, smoking, drinking, getting high and ignoring school. You were far out of my league, and I knew it. There were so many times I saw you at our concerts and wanted to talk to you, but you just vanished. I knew you weren't into me like so many other girls were." He closed his eyes for a minute before continuing.

"When you came to see Eclipse two years ago, that just blew my mind. You were even more beautiful, and you seemed so driven and put together. I had dropped out of college and was broke, touring all the time with the band, drinking too much, with no place to stay. You were still out of my league. What happened that night … I knew it was wrong of me to take advantage of you like that. It would never have happened if you hadn't been drunk. After you fell asleep, I lay for hours agonizing about it, but I knew we had no future. We were headed in different directions, just as before. There was nothing I could say in my defense, so I just left. It was cowardly, and I'm sorry."

I slowly slipped down to sit on the floor with my arms hugging my knees, because this was too much.

Edward's eyes were wary, as if he expected me to jump up and slap him or shout at him or maybe faint.

"I just wanted to say that it was my idea to hire your firm. I wanted to see you again, to make it up to you. To show you I'm in a better place now." He sighed deeply and turned his head away from me.

"But when we met I could see that you _knew_ that I wasn't good for you. Nothing had really changed. You're still out of my league, Bella. So, I'm sorry for trying to blackmail you into hanging out with me through your job. I know it's selfish and lame. But for the record, I want you to know I've always been a little in love with you. You are my compass, Bella. I've always wanted to be better because of you. I've just not been very good at it so far."

He stood up, driving his hands deep into his coat pockets. "I'll leave now. I won't bother you again if you don't want to see me. But you know where to find me should you change your mind."

He was almost to the door when I found my feet and my voice.

"Wait!"

Edward turned around in time to catch me as I collided with him. I pressed my face into his coat, hugging him hard, too emotional to speak. His one hand splayed across my back, the other stroked my messy hair. I felt so _safe _in his hands.

"Bella?" His voice was a hoarse whisper.

I turned my face up to him, new tears filling my eyes. "Edward, don't you know I've loved you forever? If I'm your compass, then I've been pointing at _you_ all my life. I thought you left because you didn't want me."

His lips were soft as he kissed my hair, my cheeks, my eyes. I trembled, igniting at his touch. His voice was strong and sure as he answered, "I'll always want you, Bella. Always."

My own voice sounded breathless. "Then stay with me, Edward. Don't leave."

I felt more than heard the growl deep in his chest before his hands on me tightened possessively. And then he finally kissed me.

* * *

_My Iron North_

_Her beauty_

_You've got to see it to believe it_

_And yet she hides behind an open door_

_I promised I would never, ever leave her_

_Still I walk away, walk away, walk away_

_Screaming for more_

_Broken_

_You've got to be it to believe it_

_Nobody walks home on shattered bones_

_But when I weep and hold her near me_

_She walks away, walks away, walks away_

_Cause she needs whole_

_The hunger_

_I know that I could never feed her_

_How can I help it, when she feels like home?_

_My heart's a compass that is reeling_

_Back again, back again, back again_

_To my iron north_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: The author does not own any of the publicly recognizable entities herein. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

**Chapter 2 (Because we always want to know what is going through his head, right?)**

**EPOV**

**March 2012**

It's just another stop on the never-ending tour we seem to be stuck on. Just another gig. Then why am I feeling so antsy tonight? I sigh and check my guitar one last time. One of the strings broke during rehearsal the other day and I don't want it to happen in concert. As I finger the strings I find myself picking out the chords to a song that's been hovering in the back of my mind for the last couple of days. It's almost there, but not quite. _"On the dark side of the sun where all my dreams have burned to dust, I'm a prisoner of the black sky, watching everything I had and lost" _

Jasper walks by the doorway and holds out a beer in offering. "Are you okay man? Want a beer? We're on in thirty minutes."

I nod and take it, swilling the cool, bitter liquid around my mouth before swallowing. I probably shouldn't drink any more before the show, but I've cut down to just beer, which helps me keep a clear head when I play and still not be too tense. So much is at stake now and I don't want to fuck it up.

Booze is for unwinding later, and maybe I'll find a warm body to keep me company tonight – I hope I'll meet someone nice. Not too young and not too skanky. Tanya's been on my case lately, threatening to castrate me if I don't pull myself together and stop acting like a pathetic rock star before I even become one. And she's right. I definitely don't want to be the creep who wakes up one day after sex with someone who's underage or high on drugs. I feel a sudden twinge of revulsion at my own thoughts.

To be honest though, it's a guilty relief to drown in a pair of pretty eyes once in a while and listen to some girl who tells me how awesome I am, before dragging me off to suck my cock in private. The sex is incidental; it's the ego boost I'm craving. Now when, for the first time, it seems I'm close to being a success I feel a looming sense of doom. Something's going to happen that will snatch it away from me. _From us._ It's not just me, I remind myself, but it's the rest of the band, too. _Fuck._

I draw a deep, shuddering breath, set the guitar down and pace up and down the sticky floor of the dingy club dressing room, shaking out my cold hands.

We started sending demos out almost as soon as we started playing together, three years ago. When finally a music label we respected told us they wanted to put out a trial EP with five of our songs, we were elated. Even better, they wanted the option to sign us for a contract for up to three records. The fact that we had to agree to tour pretty much constantly to promote our music didn't seem like a real problem since we've been working our asses off for more than a year trying to get ourselves booked all over the East Coast, juggling part-time jobs to make ends meet. Now someone has offered to help us do the same thing nationwide.

At the moment we've been playing the college circuit for three months, and we will keep it up until May. The EP came out four weeks ago and has been moving up the charts ever since, slowly but surely, getting more and more radio attention and downloads. I'm pretty sure that we'll hit the top of Billboard soon, and that we'll land ourselves that record contract. If we don't, it will be my responsibility. I'm the song writer, the lead singer, the front man. _No pressure._

I stop my pacing, empty the beer and put the bottle down carefully inside the wastepaper basket by the door. When Tanya calls my name from the next room, I grip my guitar without further hesitation. _Let's get this party started._

It's a medium-sized venue close to Chicago University, not the biggest place we've played but not the smallest either. The club is holding around four hundred people tonight, which makes the floor in front of the stage pretty packed. I can feel the touch of craziness and excitement crackling in the air, smell the alcohol and perfume and sweat, the dry, dusty heat of the spotlights. The music swells around me, and I'm safely anchored in the moment with my hands on my guitar. _"Under your thumb, when did I move in under your thumb? How did you shrink my heart, lick up my courage, kill my soul, under your thumb?"_

Music has always been my refuge. The first time I got my hands on a guitar when I was ten years old, I was hooked. Back then I was just a cute but scrawny kid with a smart attitude that always got me in trouble. Thanks to the fact that my dad sent me to martial arts classes as soon as I started school - in the hope that I would learn discipline - I always won my fights, even against older kids. But that didn't help me with the teachers. School bored and frustrated me, and I let it show. Music became the head space that was mine alone, and I could spend hours picking out chords to my favorite songs or looking at videos on the computer, trying to copy what I saw.

I look over at Jasper, my wingman who I can always count on to make my songs better, wilder, deeper, more raw. He smiles at me, and I feel guilty because I know that he's been worried over my increased moodiness. Older than me, Jasper finished college the same year I met him and Tanya and we started playing together, but he's been holding off on starting a serious career just to keep his schedule open for the growing demands of the band.

I, on the other hand, am 23 years old, a college drop-out, a financial disaster and a semi-alcoholic, and so far I haven't completed anything in my life that could make anyone feel proud of me. I hope my friends in the band won't look back on this time one day as years wasted with a bum who dreamt that he could change the world with music.

Now, I let go of all rational thoughts and allow myself to become Edward Cullen, the moody rock star. I channel all of my feelings into the music and let it speak for me to the moving mass of bodies below the stage. Somewhere inside all of them, they know my frustration, my pain, my longing for something better, something more. They dance because, like me, they want to lose themselves and find themselves, to forget who they really are through the music.

It's a good night and I'm on a roll. Then it happens during the second set. A circling spotlight happens to hit some girls dancing in front of the stage, over on my left. I wouldn't have noticed unless I'd been looking over there just as the white light hovered for a second and outlined a girl's face – dark hair, dark eyes, mouth half-open. _Bella._

I feel suspended in time and weightless for a moment. My heartbeat stutters and I'm out of breath. I think I've forgotten how to breathe. Then the light moves again and the girl becomes just a dark silhouette in the crowd as other faces jump out at me. I look away, sucking air into my deflated lungs, surprised to find I'm launching into the second verse without missing a beat. All through the rest of the song I'm travelling on autopilot and trying to get my head back in the game.

It's not like this sort of thing has never happened before. All through my first year in New York I kept seeing her: a petite girl with long brown hair, a delicate face and a hesitant gait. Every time I caught sight of her my heart stopped, until I could tell for sure that it wasn't the real Bella, just some random stranger who reminded me of her. Rationally, I knew she was in school back in Washington state, but my mind still kept conjuring her up for me. I missed her.

The thing with Bella and me is that although we never spoke more than a few words to each other all through high school I always knew in my bones where she was and I always missed her when she wasn't around. We didn't move in the same circles. Bella never smoked pot under the bleachers and never skipped class to shoot pool, nor did she show up at the beach parties where people got high, drank cheap beer and had casual sex in the sand. Bella was a good girl, and Charlie Swan's daughter.

I did all those things and more. I let Lauren blow me in the janitor's closet at school. I sold pot for a while to get extra money for a better guitar. I even got busted by Charlie Swan once for driving under the influence and spent a night in jail. I'll never forget the disgusted look on his face when he booked me.

"Edward Cullen. This is just the tip of the iceberg, right? How many times have you driven your car wasted or high like this? Do you realize you're jeopardizing not only your own life but those of others, kid? If I had my way I'd send you down to juvenile detention right now. You've got a good family and they don't deserve your shit. Clean up your act or I'm personally going to make sure you go away."

He was right, of course. My family was wealthy and upstanding, pillars of the community, and didn't deserve my shit. And I couldn't blame anyone but myself. If I hid away a secret crush on the prettiest girl in Forks for two years it wasn't just because I was scared of her cop father: it was because, just like him, I wanted to protect Bella from the likes of me. Even if I could have made that smart and levelheaded girl fall for me, which I didn't believe in my wildest dreams, I would only have hurt her reputation and made things worse for her. She was beauty, grace, kindness and perfection. _She _sure as hell didn't need my shit.

So, right now I tell myself I should get my eyes examined, maybe get some black-rimmed Buddy Holly glasses and stop seeing things that aren't there. Then I pour my bewildered feelings and nostalgia into my voice and let it all hang out in the songs, where it belongs. When we close the set, I'm already starting to feel like normal again.

"You were on fire tonight, Eddie-Veddie boy!"

Emmett claps me on the back so hard that I stumble and almost fall as we walk off the stage to chug something down quickly before we start packing up our equipment. _Ow! That guy really doesn't know his own strength._

"Thanks, Emmett! You're not so bad yourself, but save the beating for the drums, will you?" I pop open another beer, not so cold anymore, but still delicious on my tongue. Just one, then I'll still be fine for driving. I really want to get drunk tonight, but I know we have an early start tomorrow, so I'll have to pace myself.

Tanya comes back after freshening up in the bathroom, shaking out her mane of copper-colored hair with her fingers, as beautiful as ever. She smirks at me.

"I think you'll have a bunch of college girls to pick from tonight, pretty boy. Just make sure you're back at the motel at seven am sharp. We don't want to have to root you out from some sorority floor tomorrow morning."

I make a face at her. Just once, months ago, I ended up with two girls back in their room on campus, drunk out of my mind. I have no idea what my performance ended up being like, but doing the walk of shame in the morning - parading down a hallway filled with staring girls while nursing a thundering hangover - was not something that I plan on doing ever again. I'm done with both college _and_ college girls.

We have some guys from the club helping us out, so assembling the instruments, amplifiers and our personal sound equipment doesn't take much more than 30 minutes. I'm disentangling some cables and rolling them up neatly, since I'm something of a perfectionist when it comes to keeping my stuff in order, when Emmett attacks me again in a bear hug from behind.

"Bel-la Swan, buddy! Does it ring a bell? You have an old girlfriend from Forks waiting outside tonight, Edward. She asked me if she could see you and I told her maybe she could come to the party. And if you don't want to tap that, I will, because she's seriously hot! She's got a little cute friend, too, so maybe we could double-date?"

"What the fuck are you talking about, Emmett? Are you high?" I push him off me, heart pounding again.

"Calm down, buddy, I just met some girl who said she went to school with you back home. She and her friend are waiting to meet you outside. Are you cool with that? They look like a couple of nice girls." Emmett looks hurt, and I clench my hands around the cables. _Is it possible? She's really here?_

"No problem, man. I did go to school with a Bella Swan, and she was pretty nice, so if she's here let's bring her along with us. And bring her friend if she wants to come, too. Come on, could you carry this box outside to the car, please?"

I get my hands busy, while my head is spinning. Is it really _my_ Bella, the real Bella Swan, who is here tonight? I know my Mom told me she got a scholarship to go to college in Chicago, but I never dreamed that I would see her here. But if she _is_ here, I sure want to see her. I've just got to get my head screwed on straight first. I hang back, hesitating until the very last moment and I'm rewarded with a glimpse of her dark head in the back of the bus before I climb in the driver's seat. My mouth feels dry as I clutch the ignition.

I focus on taking directions and getting us to the party in one piece. I'm grateful now that I only had a couple of beers tonight. I need to be on my best game if I'm going to impress Bella. Still, my hands are trembling when I get out of the bus, and I quickly pull out my cigarettes to calm my nerves.

When she climbs out of the back, the last of the bunch, and straightens up, I can see her eyes widen as she stares up at me. She's everything I remembered, and more. Huge, dark eyes, delicate features, plump lips, and – please kill me now – she still has that quirk of biting her lower lip which used to make me long to lean in and kiss her on the mouth, hard. I smirk, to cover my confusion.

"Hi, Edward! I'm Bella Swan from Forks. I don't know if you remember me at all, I…"

Ridiculous. How could I _not_ remember? Well, but then of course she never knew how hard I struggled not to stare at her across the cafeteria on bad days. I take a deep breath and plunge in.

"Of course I remember you, Bella. How could I forget? Forks high school had, what, four hundred students? And you held pretty much every student office function that school had on offer, didn't you? Congratulations by the way; I heard you made valedictorian, too."

That visibly throws her. What? Did she think she wasn't noticeable? Did she think I was blind, or stoned right out of my mind all the time?

"I … I, how did you even know that? That was after you left Forks!"

I can feel my smirk softening. She is so innocent and so adorably self-deprecating.

"My mom keeps track of everyone and lets me know the latest gossip every time I call her. I guess she must have too much time on her hands." And now she's blushing. Could she look prettier? I squint against the cigarette smoke to try to blur her image, take the edge off my acute attraction.

"Oh. Well, I'm sure she's very proud of you compared to most of us. Didn't you go to college on the East Coast?" I feel my heart start to sink and have to look away for a minute. She doesn't know, then. Well, why would she, we never actually talked before? I try to act like it's no big deal.

"Yeah, but I dropped out after a couple of years to give more time to my music. It wasn't really working out and my heart wasn't in it. New York meant a lot of opportunities to play though, so it wasn't a total loss." It's the truth, too. I've never regretted dropping out of college, but it's not something I'm exactly proud of either. Especially since I'm sure it enforces my "too-stupid-to-be-worthy-of-notice" image.

I notice that she's shivering, rubbing at the outside of her arms. Damn, she looks good in that short dress which emphasizes her mile-long legs, but she's seriously underdressed. I stub out my cigarette and nod towards the house, concerned.

"Do you want to go inside and grab a drink, Bella? You look like you're freezing."

She nods gratefully, and when I steer her up the steps to the front door, my hand feels strangely at home hovering over the delicate sweep of her back. I clench it into a fist to stop myself from possessively grabbing her narrow waist.

The house is swimming with people, and before I can stop it, Bella slips away and I'm caught up in conversation with a club owner who wants to book us for another two nights later this spring. I can see that we need to hire a professional manager if things are going to keep escalating like this.

Someone offers me a beer and I'm circulated from group to group, signing a couple of autographs, taking photographs with pretty girls, trying to talk business with serious-looking people, distracted by the music and the lights and the knowledge that Bella is somewhere in the vibrating house. Is she safe? Is she with someone? Is she _with _someone? I forgot to ask if she's got a boyfriend. Not that I could ask, because that would seem weird. Where _is _she? My eyes dart around anxiously as I start moving from room to room.

I see Jasper hanging around with the little elf who seems to be Bella's friend, although we were only introduced in passing as she exited the bus. Maybe she can tell me where Bella is?

And then I see her, standing by herself with a drink in her hand, safe. I exhale. _Bella. _I move up behind her and my nostrils widen as I pick up her delicious scent, flowery and sweet like she is. Her warmth radiates from her body and I wish I could just pull her into my arms. Maybe I could use the pretext of a dance to get the chance to touch her? I lean in and speak just by the delicate shell of her ear.

"Do you dance?"

She jumps slightly and looks over her shoulder at me, her eyes so big in that pale, lovely face. I can't help staring at her lips, waiting to see if she will bite her lip again, wanting it and dreading it at the same time. If I could just lean in and ... Her voice jerks me out of my lust-driven haze.

"No, not really. I mean, it's not a good idea for the uncoordinated to challenge gravity, or what do you think?"

I almost laugh out loud. Yes, now I remember how my dad used to tell me Bella Swan was the most accident-prone young girl he'd ever had the dubious pleasure of welcoming into the emergency room. There's a reason I have developed this instinct to try to keep Bella safe, after all.

"Okay, point taken. You love music but you just don't want to move to it. So, how did you enjoy the concert?" Damn, there's that blush again. _I wonder if she blushes all over… Shut up, dick! _Bella looks embarrassed, and she doesn't even know what my dirty mind was thinking. Hopefully. I kick myself mentally.

"Oh, sorry, I totally forgot," she says. "It was a beautiful concert, really good. I can see why you guys are climbing the charts. Have you made any plans for the future now that you're on your way to national stardom?"

I flinch at her words "national stardom". Right. We aren't there yet, and I'm not one hundred percent sure we'll ever get there, even now. Talking about it still feels like jinxing it, although I know that's an immature emotion. I feel how stiff my jaw-muscles are as I reply.

"I know what I want, if that's what you're asking, but that doesn't mean it's going to happen. Very few bands make it after their first hit single, and it's not easy to make a living in the music industry. You need major back-up and advertising, which we don't have so far. We've been on the road pretty much non-stop for the past year."

Suddenly, I feel an acute need to get away from all these people, to go somewhere I can have a real conversation with Bella, find out more about her life and get the chance to forge a connection with her, the person she is now. I turn her around and gently start moving her away from the crowd in the big room towards the backyard where it seemed to be quieter.

"But you believe in your own potential, don't you?" She sounds surprised, and I can't help laughing, although it's a bitter feeling. _Yes, because believing in myself is what I do best._

"Yeah, I do. But I don't expect the world to come running after me. Lots of people listen to crap, after all." I don't want to seem like an asshole, but I'm so tired of people suggesting that I lighten up and write happier, peppy pop songs. Like I care. Like I could.

Then I feel Bella jerking as she suddenly loses her footing. I grab her arm, harder maybe than I should, and pull her closer to me to break her fall. The effect of her warmth and her scent so close up is heady. I catch my breath, more affected than I want her to know.

"Oh, sorry," she whispers, sounding breathless. _Did I scare her? _

I chuckle to show that I'm not, in fact, a dangerous predator, and gently circle her waist with my arm as I help her find her feet and then lead her out on to the patio. I look up. It's a clear night. If the city wasn't so close the stars would be visible in the black sky above us. A whiff of chlorine and a wave of chillier air hit my face and I can breathe again. I look around for somewhere to sit down and select a lounge chair where there's room for us both. I want to be near her.

Now that I've got her alone I focus all my attention on her face. She is so damn lovely, from her brown curls to her delicate fingertips and her battered black Chucks. I suppose it's creepy, but I can't stop staring.

"You're graduating soon, aren't you Bella? What about _your_ plans for the future? Where are you going from here?" She shrugs, but replies readily enough.

"I'm applying for jobs all over the country, actually. I'm majoring in communication and media and I want to be a copywriter or work in publishing. Does that sound stupid? Everyone says that they want to work in media these days. I hope you don't think I'm stupid." She sounds nervous, talking faster and faster and suddenly she abruptly goes quiet, staring down at the ground, mumbling "I don't know why I said that. I'm sorry."

I have no idea what's going on with her right now, but I'm surprised and charmed by how self-conscious she seems. How can she not know how much I admire her drive and intelligence, and how she's never looked down her nose at anyone even though she's so far above most of us? I fumble in my pocket for my pack of cigarettes to cover the surge of emotion that makes me want to hug her.

"I definitely don't think of you as stupid, Bella." I'm sure she doesn't smoke- she's too smart -but I offer her one anyway just to be polite. She shakes her head, looking serious but not disapproving.

I try to be honest with her, though, since I'm sure she doesn't appreciate people bullshitting her.

"But I think you may have a hard time finding the kind of job you'd like. Did you ever think of becoming a writer?"

She used to write the most amazing pieces for the school paper and the yearbook. I know she won a state-wide writing competition, too. If it was something I regretted more than not kissing her it was how I never got the chance to show her my songs and ask how I could make them better. I always figured she would become a famous writer someday, which is why it upsets me to see her shrug my words off next, as it they're a joke.

"Yeah, right, because that's so much easier." She sounds unhappy, kicking her feet and frowning.

"No, I love writing, but I can't fool myself I'll make a living getting novels published and I don't want to teach. And since journalism seems to be outdated, that leaves creative writing for commercial purposes."

I raise my eyebrows at her glum attitude and gently poke her with my elbow to jolt her out of her funk.

"Sounds like you're the one who doesn't believe in your own potential."

She huffs, unaffected. "Yeah, whatever. Your songs don't sound very happy, Edward. Is that why you don't think you'll make it commercially? Why not write more of that stuff they're dancing to in there?"

She's waving her hand in the air, and I jerk my head back a few inches to stop her from hitting my nose. I look at her, amused. _Is she tipsy?_

I lose the cigarette and take her hand. It's small and cold and fits so well inside mine. I can't really look at her while I'm touching her like this, though, so I concentrate on her hand, stroking her soft, cool skin as I try to form a response to her question. It may have sounded flippant, but unlike most people who call me depressed and moody, she's someone I want to share my thoughts with. I struggle to make what I want to say come out right.

"I don't think you're most creative when you're content, Bella. All creation springs from the longing for something, from a _need_, wanting something you can't have. If I was happy, music wouldn't mean so much to me." It's true. I'm only really happy when I'm on stage, sharing and feeling the love and pain of the crowd, being a part of something bigger than myself. She must know that connection and creative spark, too.

I raise my eyes and stare at her face. She has gone very still and her eyes are locked on mine. The air feels electric and suddenly all I can think about is kissing her.

"You're not … happy?" Her voice is reedy and I think her pupils must be dilated because her eyes look positively black in the reflecting lights from the pool. She licks her lips and it's like an electric shock goes through me, from my crotch to my scalp. I know I can't resist her any longer.

"But not unhappy," I whisper, and then I pull her in and kiss her.

I've dreamed about Bella many times, waking and sleeping. Sweet dreams and dirty dreams; everything from holding her hand to tying her to my bedposts. But the reality of kissing her is so much more than any dream. My hands are finally on her body, which feels solid and warm. Her lips, petal soft but yet fleshy, make me want to suck and bite down on them. Her fragrance is all around me - and then her arms come up around my neck, her fingers tug on my hair and there's my instant erection in response. A surge of lust makes me feel like I'm losing my mind. I pull her up onto my lap, barely able to restrain myself from grinding her down on my cock. My one hand is clutching her to me and the other is splayed across her thigh, only a thin layer of pantyhose between me and her bare skin. Closer. I devour her mouth. I need closer, more of her, less clothes …

Right at that moment, a group of people decide to spill out onto the patio behind us. I barely have time to get pissed at someone breaking in on this private, perfect moment before Bella jerks away from my lap, frightened. I try to grab for her, to steady her, when I see her swaying on her feet in front of me, frantically tugging on her clothes. _Did I try to undress her? Shit!_ But before I can do anything her arms are waving in the air, and she's tripping backwards the few feet to the pool, going over in a splash of blue water. _Fuck!_

I almost leap in after her, but someone tugs on my arm to stop me, and just as I shrug them off I see her head bobbing up towards the surface right by the poolside. I kneel, and haul her out of the water onto the concrete floor as if she weighs nothing at all, I'm that high on adrenaline. She's coughing and completely drenched but otherwise seems to be okay. I breathe a sigh of relief and gently pull the wet hair away from her face, then look around for something to wrap her in and ask someone to get me towels from the pool house.

Then a tiny hurricane sweeps in – Bella's friend, Alice, small but intense like a peppermint shot, shrieks in my ears as I clumsily try to reach for the stack of towels that someone just dumped on the stone patio beside us while I'm reassuring them both.

"She fell into the pool. It was an accident. But she needs to get inside and dry off. It's too chilly out here." Bella seems dazed and shivery but basically all right, and I hurry up to wrap her in a couple of towels before I grab her and carry her inside, Alice yapping around my heels like a small, anxious dog. People stare at us, and I hug Bella closer to my chest to protect her from their eyes.

"I think I should take her home," I tell Alice. I bend my head to speak to the dripping girl, huddled in my arms.

"Bella, is it okay if I make sure you get home all right?" She seems to relax to the sound of my voice.

"Yes, please, I'd like to go home." I feel a surge of selfish pride that Bella trusts me enough to let me take her home, even after I groped her without permission, and stop outside the downstairs bathroom to give her a chance to dry off a little before we leave.

Alice still seems concerned and hovers, her dark eyes as big as saucers and fixed on Bella's bowed head.

"Do you want me to come with you, Bella? Are you feeling okay?" I can feel a small shrug, interrupted by another shiver as Bella replies.

"No, Alice, it's fine. I'll just change and go to bed. I think I've had too much to drink. I'll see you later."

She starts moving around in my arms, and I gently set her down, making sure that she's got her balance before I let go of her and point her to the bathroom door. She looks small and dejected and I feel a strong urge to hug her.

"There are more towels in there. Dry off as much as you can, and I'll call a cab. Here, take my jacket. You'll need it."

I hand her my jacket and wait until she's locked herself safely in the bathroom before I move off to talk to Jasper. Even though my old jacket isn't much at least it's drier than what she's got on. I'm uncomfortably aware that my own pair of jeans is pretty soaked after she dripped all over them, but that's a problem I can deal with later.

Once I've assured Jasper that I'll see him back at the motel later and given him the keys to the bus I hang out by the bathroom waiting anxiously for Bella to emerge. _What if she's changed her mind? What if she's angry with me? What if she fainted in there?_

But then the door opens and damn if she doesn't look good in my jacket, even with her long dark hair hanging in wet strands around her pale face. She gives me a tentative smile when I give her a blanket and wrap my arm protectively around her shoulders, to make sure she doesn't stumble and fall again as I escort her through the house.

"Come on, Bella. The cab is outside. I'll make sure you get home okay."

After she scoots in the backseat and tells the driver her address she leans her head against the window with a sigh and seems to fall asleep. I'm too chicken to take her hand so I just stare at her in the flickering light from the street lamps that streams through the car. Maybe this is the start of something, or maybe this will be the last time I ever see her. Since I don't know which, I try to memorize everything about her: the curve of her cheek, the pale shell of her ear, how her throat reminds me of a swan's neck, exposed and vulnerable with her head thrown back like that. I swallow. I feel tense like a guitar string, humming with hope and desire.

We arrive at our destination much too soon. I'm not sure if she wants me to, but I try to hang on to her company for another couple of minutes by walking her to her door and making sure she gets safely inside. She lives in a tall apartment complex in a neighborhood that looks safe if not exactly affluent to my inexperienced eyes. Rock music spills from another door on her floor but otherwise the building seems quiet and clean.

I turn on the lights and take a look around the small and neat apartment, just to make sure everything is all right. There are two bedrooms and a tiny kitchen opening on the living room at the end of the hallway. I see potted plants, colorful rugs, artistic posters and books – lots and lots of books. Just like Bella, her home looks warm and pretty. When I turn back she's still standing by the front door, swaying gently on her feet and smirking at me. I can't help smiling back at her because she's cute as a puppy when she's tipsy.

"What?"

She shrugs a little, making the blanket slip from her shoulders. "Are you satisfied that it's safe for me to be here now?" Then she shivers with cold, and I curse myself for losing focus of what Bella needs right now.

"You need a hot bath and some dry clothes. Let me run you a bath before I go. You go get something warm to wear."

She complies without comment and once again I marvel at the fact that she acts so trustingly, as if I'm an old friend and not just some random guy she went to school with years ago.

Fortunately there's a bathtub in the bathroom and as the hot water starts heating up the room I contemplate losing the shirt, feeling slightly damp all over by now. I still don't know if it's okay for me to stick around any longer or if I'm just acting creepy. My instinct tells me to set up camp on the couch to be near her for as long as possible, but since I'll have to take off at the crack of dawn there's really no point unless I want to excel as a stalker by watching her sleep. Maybe I should just ask for her phone number and take off right now? But that kiss we shared… I feel a surge of heat as I remember her lips on mine and her skin under my fingers. I want to know if that meant something to her, too or if it was just me.

Then suddenly she's standing there in the warm mist right inside the bathroom door, wrapped in a bathrobe and staring at me with troubled eyes. Her pale legs and bare feet on the bathroom door look vulnerable and incredibly sexy.

"But Edward, you need to go home and change, too! You can't be comfortable in those wet jeans."

I feel desire rise in a wave from my groin when I look at her soft lips and I can't help myself, I _have_ to touch her again.

As I step close to her I smell her sweet scent and carefully trace her cheek with my fingertips, too distracted to speak. I see her eyes flutter close and the most arousing helpless sound leaves her lips. My heart starts beating double time. _So, it's not just me then?_

"Do you know how pretty you are, Bella?" My voice is rough when I finally find the guts to pick up where we left off before and carefully nip at her tempting, trembling lower lip.

The effect of my lips on hers is immediate and surprising. She presses herself against me, deepening the kiss as she starts tugging at my shirt and pulling me as close as is physically possible. Her back hits the door with a thud that makes me wince, but she doesn't seem to notice. I kiss and nibble my way across the open expanse of skin where her robe falls off her shoulder, marveling at her softness and sweet taste. There's only one thing holding me back from stripping her and taking her against the wall right now: I have to make sure that she's not too drunk to know what she's doing. I've been there, and I couldn't bear it if Bella should wake up tomorrow morning filled with disgust and regret.

"Bella?"

It's not until I step back a little, stop kissing her and demand her attention that her eyes open, dark and swimming with what could be either intoxication or just plain lust. I'm hoping for the latter. I cradle her face in my hands, searching her eyes.

"Bella, I need to know that you're okay with this. Do you know what you're doing right now?"

Her only response is to press herself more firmly against my by now raging erection and smile seductively.

"I hope I'm having sex with Edward Cullen?"

God, that's all I want to hear. I attack her mouth with a groan and try not to hurt her as I press her back up against the bathroom wall, eager to feel all of her skin under my hands and mouth. As soon as I manage to free her of her robe, I peel off my shirt and tug the buttons of my wet jeans free to give my poor cock some more room. But the sight of Bella Swan naked is completely distracting and I find myself just staring at her, her perfect, round breasts and rosy nipples, the soft swell of her stomach and rounded hips and the long expanse of pale, elegant legs beneath the dark mound of her sex. I can't wait to let my nose and lips explore her all over.

Before I do anything, she attacks me with her own sweet mouth, kissing, licking and biting my nipple. The sharp pain is surprisingly arousing and my cock seems about to leap right out of my pants at the shock. I guess I must have cried out, because she immediately lets go of me, which is completely unacceptable.

"Harder!" I groan, pulling her face back to my chest to encourage the little vixen to do whatever she wants with me.

Her mouth is hot and wet when she bites and licks and kisses her way across my chest and stomach and it takes all my willpower not to rip my jeans off and impale her right there on the bathroom floor. When she seems about to go down on me, I know I can't take much more and pull her up as I wrench open the bathroom door. We need to do this right.

"Bedroom, Bella. Now."

I don't know if it's her pulling or me pushing, but we fortunately end up right where I wanted us to, on top of a bed in one of the bedrooms, Bella stretched out on her back beneath me, her white body almost iridescent in the light streaming through the window onto the messy bed. If I'd had enough patience I would have gone looking for a light switch or set up a sea of candles to light her beauty but as it is, I can't be bothered to move one inch away from her.

She's biting her lip again, her eyes huge and dark in her face. I really hope she's not having second thoughts already? In the middle of my seething desire, I'm filled with a deep tenderness for her, a tenderness I want her to feel more than anything. I touch her beautiful face carefully and whisper:

"Shhh, Bella. Don't worry. Let me take care of you."

I've dreamed of this moment so many times. Having her naked and vulnerable under my hands, being able to touch her in every way I wish. I kiss her sweet skin, licking and sucking on her nipples until they're hard as pebbles, rolling the magical round softness of her breasts in my hands and marveling at how they fit there so perfectly.

I kiss the inside of her arms, her fingers, sucking them into my mouth. I kiss her hips, her soft stomach, nudging her thighs apart so I can kiss and bite gently at the soft flesh there. Finally, I kiss her sex, moaning as I drink in the sweet, musky smell and taste of her. Her folds are slippery and soft as silk, and I explore her with my tongue and fingers, taking my cue from her small sounds of pleasure and the way she squirms under me, sometimes pushing against my face, sometimes trying to move away from me. I wonder if I can make her come like this?

But before I can find out, she explodes into action again, struggling to push me down on my back so that _she_ can get to work on _me_, kissing me all over. I can't help laughing at how adorable it feels to have this fierce kitten take control, but as soon as she frees my aching cock from my pants, I'm helpless, too, putty in her hands.

I may be reasonably experienced, but I swear nothing has prepared me for the sight of Bella between my thighs, licking and sucking on me. It's all I can do not to moan out loud. I'm about to explode just from the sight of that innocent face looking up at me while doing something so dirty and erotic. Everything starts spiraling out of control as the delicious pressure builds in my groin and I gasp out:

"Stop!"

I must be an idiot to try and stop her from giving me a mind-blowing orgasm, but I have other plans for our first night together. I take her hand and touch her cheek, checking to see if she's ready for me.

"I need to be inside you."

In spite of the indirect light from the window, I can see her eyes staring at me as she nods without speaking. _She wants me!_ I feel a mixture of excitement and panic at the thought that I will finally realize one of my longest-standing fantasies, pun intended. But first I need to find my emergency condoms.

It's an excruciating minute before I've located a condom in my tangled pants and am kneeling on the bed once again above Bella, who is sprawled out with one hand in her hair and another half-open on the bed turned up in a gesture of supplication. For a second it occurs to me that she might be a virgin, but then I reject the idea. She's too desirable to have been left alone this long, and too bold in bed to not know what she's doing. _Who goes through college a virgin, really?_

It shouldn't bother me, but with a pang I wish that we could have been one another's first love, first fuck, first everything. But I have to let it go. I'm here with her now, which is infinitely more than I could have dreamt of only this afternoon when we drove into Chicago.

I touch her reverently. "You're so soft."

My fingers are trembling as I position myself, then slowly let myself sink into her. _Oh._

I can't help the sounds that burst out of my chest as I feel her tighten around me. The feeling is too exquisite and it makes every hair on my body stand erect in sympathy with my cock. I think a black hole must just have opened at the top of my skull. It's sucking pleasure from my cock in a dizzying whirlwind straight through my body, creating an electric, throbbing white-hot connection with the cosmos. In other words, I'm going out of my mind here. The only way to stay sane is to start thrusting, reliving the pleasure of that first contact again. And again. And again.

I'm jolted out of my hypnotized state by Bella moving under me and suddenly changing the angle of my thrusts. I can't help cursing.

"Fuck, Bella!"

I'm going even deeper now, and her little noises and kicking heels alert me to the fact that she's impatient for me to move faster, so I do. There's only one, swiftly escalating problem. The faster and harder I go, the more enthusiastic her sounds get and it's pushing me towards the edge much too fast. I want to go for hours, not finish in embarrassing five minutes. I'd better put _her _in control.

I pick her up and roll us around, almost getting tangled in the rumpled bed covers.

_Oh yes! _

The view is even more spectacular when she's straddling me. I see her perfect breasts bouncing as she starts moving, taking me in and riding me, at first hesitantly but then with a growing urgency. I support her weight with my hands, relishing the feeling of her round hips, her soft thighs at my sides and the wet sounds we make slapping together. When she leans down I reach up to suck and kiss her perky nipples, which makes her grind over me and moan loudly. No porno ever turned me on like this. _I love this girl on top._

And then she's coming, and the sight of her giving herself over to her own pleasure is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. Her face just opens up like a flower, and when I feel her pulsing around me it's only my rapt concentration on her radiant expression that saves me from following her over the crest of the hill.

I wait to let her ride it out and then I gently pull away from her, allowing her to collapse on the bed for a minute to recuperate, as I change positions once more. _I only want to try one more thing…_

My hands trace the long curves of her body before I help her up on her hands and knees. Her ass is the most erotic thing imaginable, round and white like the moon. I nudge her legs further apart to make room for myself between them. Just the sight of her from behind like this, open for me and dripping wet, is almost enough to make me explode. Bella, my unobtainable goddess, is also the sexiest fucking woman alive, and now she's mine. All mine.

"Bella, you're so lovely. And you have the most fucking delicious ass. God! This will be quick."

My chest contracts with the tension of my desire and I can't hold back one second longer so I just go all in, one long stroke, burying myself in her as I pull her towards me, hard. _Yes! God, yes!_ I see stars behind my closed eyelids and I think I may pass out from the deep pleasure fanning out through my body.

Bella cries out, and in spite of everything, I slow down, even though my cock is straining to go. I touch her carefully, wanting her to feel good and know how much I cherish her, in spite of the wantonness of her position. I lick my lips and try to speak coherently.

"Are you okay?"

When she pushes back towards me and sighs her aquiescense I let my raging lust take over and just pound into her again and again and again until … _Oh my fucking God!_ The avalanche of an orgasm almost obliterates me and I groan loudly as I feel her milking me until I can't keep upright anymore. I collapse on top of her with my legs and spine feeling like jelly.

When I come back to myself and realize I have her pretty much flattened to the mattress beneath my body, I pull out and take care of the condom, roll over and fold her into my arms. She's warm and soft, her skin is damp and when I bury my face in her tangled hair it smells of sex and pure Bella. I'm so happy I could fucking cry right now.

"Oh, Bella …"

After a while, I feel her body go limp and heavy in my arms and her breaths grow deep and slow. Not wanting to wake her, I pull some of the fabric on the bed up around us, making a nest of sorts so that she won't get cold. Then I just lie there and listen to sounds from the surrounding apartments and the occasional car on the street, feeling drowsy and spent.

But soon reality starts seeping in, like icy rain finding its way inside your collar. Tomorrow is only hours away now, and what will happen then?

The more I think about it the more I feel a cold panic gripping my guts and making my muscles tense and cramp. The best case scenario is that tomorrow we leave for Indianapolis and I and Bella exchange phone numbers. Two months more of touring around the country, and then I might be able to sneak in a visit to see her before we go into a studio to record our first full-length album, which is probably another two months of intense work. And then we will be touring for two to six months to launch it. After that we start working on the songs for the next album. Rinse and repeat.

And what's the worst case scenario, if we fail to land our record contract? After the end of this tour the band will be back where we started, looking for another record company to sign us, most of us trying to juggle two low-paying jobs while we hunt bookings for the band so we can go on the road again.

There's no room for Bella in all of this, no room at all, even assuming she would _want_ to be a part of my life after tonight. How could I ask her to put her life on hold to be with me when I'm constantly moving around and working? I can barely support myself, much less a girl like her who has ambitions and goals in life.

I hug her sleeping self to me more tightly, even as I feel the dream of her slipping through my fingers like the pearls of a broken necklace scattering across a room. My thoughts are all over the place and my heart is almost beating its way out of my chest; I feel as if I'm having a panic attack.

Maybe I'm being a complete idiot – how can I just assume that this night meant as much to Bella as it did to me? _I'm_ the one who used to obsess over her picture in the yearbook, not she. Maybe she's perfectly content to write me off as a hot one-night-stand? What if this is something she does all the time with other guys?

Hot jealousy floods me right on the heels of my cold insecurity and I feel as if I'm being tortured in hell while outwardly my body remains calm and still, wrapped around Bella's sleeping form.

I've got no time to show her what she means to me, no time at all. And how could I convince her to drop everything and come with me while touring across the country? Should I even _try_ to do something so incredibly selfish?

The more my mind churns through the facts of our situation the more convinced I become that it's better for Bella if I get out now, before I do her any real harm. Isn't it better if she remembers a night of hot sex with a boy from her past than if I try to hang onto her pathetically, like a limpet unable to let go?

Maybe, if I really do become successful one day she'll remember me, and then I'll have something to offer her. Until then, I should keep out of her life so I don't mess anything up for her in the way that I always seem to do with everyone I care about.

With a heavy heart, I disentangle myself from the bed and quietly collect my clothes and things from where I've left them strewn around the apartment. I shudder as I pull on my still-damp jeans. For the longest time I stand in the doorway to her bedroom, unable to tear myself away from the sight of Bella sleeping like a beautiful princess on an enchanted bed and surrounded by a halo of silver light.

But eventually I know it's time to leave. I find a piece of paper and a pen in the tiny kitchen and hesitate over it while the minutes tick away. Should I try to explain myself? Leave her my phone number? Thank her for a wonderful time? In the end I can't think of a single thing but my burning regret that we can't be together. So that's what I leave behind, before I tip-toe out of the apartment in the grey light of dawn.

My head is pounding as I pay the cab driver and woodenly drag myself back to my motel room. Surprisingly enough, it's empty. Jasper must have gotten lucky last night, too. I smile sadly as I strip off my rumpled clothes and dive under the covers to try for a few hours of sleep. Jasper isn't one to fuck around so this means he must have found someone he thought was really special, which probably means more heartbreak in the band. Great. We'll be the most depressing rock band since Joy Division if we keep this up.

I finally drift off to a troubled sleep with _Love Will Tear Us Apart_ ringing in my ears.

* * *

**A/N. No promises, but I will try to add a few more chapters to this story, starting from Edward's point of view. A big hug and a thank you to anyone who's still reading!**


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Twilight, Romance