Gilmore Girls 1. Chapter 1-Planning

A/N- I admit it, I'm a romantic, and I want everyone to have a happy ending. So here's Dean's story. This story begins during About A Boy with Jess's visit to Dean. If you haven't read my Post Series Canon based stories, you may want to start at the beginning with How Did I Get Here. In fact, stop now. Go read them first!

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter One: Planning

Dean was walking around the dilapidated old house with his clipboard, jotting down notes about possible repairs, when he heard a voice through the open window.

"Mommy, mommy! Wake up! There's a giant outside."

"Shhh Veronica, mommy isn't feeling so hot right now," Shane said, voice tired and weak. This last chemo treatment seemed to hit her harder than the previous ones. Normally, after day two, she was able to function. Not today. Today she wished she would have asked her mom to stay longer.

"But mommy! He's huge and he's in the back yard," Veronica whined. Dean figured he better move around to the front before Shane called the police on him.

"In the back yard?" Shane asked, dragging herself out of bed and through the house, hearing the knock on the front door. Fighting down the nausea, Shane stepped out onto her porch to see Dean. The bright sun combined with the dizziness overwhelmed her and she swayed on her feet before falling forward in a faint. Dean leapt to grab her and the clatter of the clipboard was the only sound as he fought to balance himself and her slack body on the steps. Muttering under his breath, he managed to leverage her up and into his arms. Standing on the porch he had two thoughts. What was he supposed to do with her now, and how was it possible she weighed so little?

"Veronica? Is that your name? Is there somewhere I can lay your mom down?" Dean asked the little girl, as Shane began to stir.

"She's sick, so she should be in bed. That's what my grandma always says when Kat stays home from school. Are you a giant?" the little girl asked, skipping circles around Dean as he walked into the house and placed Shane on the couch, smoothing her hair out of her eyes.

"Veronica, go watch a movie in your room, okay? It's quiet time now," Shane said, turning on her side, embarrassed by the idea of Dean Forrester being in her house, let alone crouched in front of her ratty couch. Veronica skipped off to her room and after watching her for a second, Dean turned to Shane.

"I'm the giant. In the backyard, I mean. I was making notes," he said, trying not to stare at her. He'd forgotten her eyes. He used to sneak glances in high school, because they changed color all the time. If she had on blue, they looked blue. Black, they looked grey. They even went purple sometimes. Today, they were grey. Not the normal clear grey, but cloudy.

"Why were you making notes in the back yard?" she asked, wishing he'd stop staring at her. She was a mess, from her lanky unwashed thinning hair, to her pajamas. Hell, she probably smelt like vomit.

Dean stood, and walked to the window. He wasn't sure how to answer, how she'd feel about what they were doing. He wouldn't want to be in her position. "I'm a contractor, and my tax guy said I need more deductions next year. Jess suggested I check out your place. This is a Colonial right? Early 1800's?"

"Yeah, I wanted to renovate it, but I doubt that'll happen now. It'll probably fall down around me," Shane said. "Jess and Rory are good people. I never thought you'd talk to them. Not that you're not a good person. I didn't mean it like that. Just, isn't it awkward? Rumor has it, you never got over Rory and you hated Jess," Shane said, wishing she could take her foot out of her mouth. Dean looked like someone had kicked his puppy for a second before smiling.

"That's not true. Well, part of it anyway. I got over Rory a long time ago. I've had a couple of relationships since then which mattered more to me than the one I had with her. Jess, well. Yeah. I hated him in high school, and I'm not sure I like him now, but he's trying. So I will too. It was weird though, because he was asking me to check out his ex-girlfriend's house. Definitely weird. What would you do with it?" Dean asked. Shane looked confused as she attempted to sit up. "Careful now, not too fast," Dean said, moving to her side, and steadying her, helping her swing her legs down off the couch.

"Thanks. What would I do with what?" Leaning back against the couch Shane prayed the nausea would pass. Looking around the room, she spotted the garbage can. "Can you hand me that? I might get sick," she said, almost in tears. Three more treatments, she didn't know if she could do them. This was too hard. Taking the can from him, she wrapped her arms around it and held on.

"The house, what would you do with the house? Did you plan to sell it after renovating it?" Dean was at a loss. He didn't know what he could do to help her, and it was obvious she was sick. Really sick. She held onto the garbage can like it was a teddy bear. "Can I get you anything? Is there medicine you can take? Water? Anything?" he asked, brushing his hair out of his eyes again. Shane watched him, slightly amused by how uncomfortable he was.

"I wasn't going to sell, wanted it to be nice for my girls. I don't think I could keep anything down right now. God. My girls will be home from school soon, I need to get up. They're going to be hungry."

"How old are they? What will they want to eat? I can get something," Dean said, happy at the idea of doing something, anything.

"Kat is six, she's finishing first grade. Bianca is in kindergarten, and Veronica is three. If you really don't mind, there's carrots and celery already cut up. It's just a matter of squeezing some ranch dressing out into little bowls for them to dip. God, I'm so tired. I can't pay you. For any work. I'm barely paying the bills," Shane said, trying to sound forceful. Dean laughed.

"You paying me would defeat the whole tax deduction issue. Seriously though, while the girls get their snacks, can I look around your house? I've always wanted to try my hand at a restoration. Not a remodel. I don't want to change it, I want to restore it."

"Aren't you too busy? And I don't think I could handle everything in an upheaval right now. I don't have anywhere to go, so we couldn't move out."

"Well, the beauty of restoration, is you don't do it all at once. Like your staircase, it will take me a long time to fix it. The broken spindles will have to be replaced, the wood shaped using a lathe, and then set into place. All of it will have to be hand sanded and refinished. Other than the day it's refinished, it will always be usable. There's work to be done outside too, which I should do while it's nice, but the safety issues inside, I want to take care of soon."

"Okay, if you want to, you can. Who am I to refuse help, but Dean, one rule. If you start a job, you have to complete it. I don't want you to start the steps and never finish them. My ex was real good at never finishing anything, I have a room upstairs which will prove it to you." Shane said.

"I promise. Hey, are these your girls walking up? Introduce me, and I'll get them their snacks. You rest." Dean said, glad she was going to let him help her, and happy to be working on a house with potential. It made a nice change from the gut it all and rebuild mentality of the majority of the jobs his crew worked on.

"Hey mom? I found this on the steps, are you okay?" Kat asked, coming in and throwing her backpack on the floor by the door. Shane sighed.

"Kat, where does your backpack go? This is Dean, it's his clipboard and he's going to get your snack for you today. He's also going to check out the house and do some work on it for us. So he'll be here a lot. But I want you to stay out of his way, and keep your sisters away when he's working. Now, show Dean where the bowls are, okay?" Shane replied as she watched Kat turn shy in front of Dean. A quick nod of her head, and she was grabbing her backpack and running it to her room leaving Bianca with no-one to hide behind.

"Bianca, say hi to Dean, get Veronica and go sit in the kitchen okay?" Bianca scurried down the hall. "They'll get used to you soon enough," Shane said, fighting to keep her eyes open. Dean watched her eyelashes flutter against her cheeks. She was exhausted, and he was keeping her awake.

"I'll get the kids their snacks and check out the rest of the house. You get some rest," he said heading into the kitchen.

Walking into the living room after doing a thorough inspection of the house, the floors in the girl's rooms weren't savable, Dean wasn't surprised to find Shane sound asleep. Veronica was sitting on the floor in the kitchen playing with a plastic tea party set and a couple of dolls. Kat and Bianca were at the table with Kat trying to read a story out loud.

"Hey guys, your mom's asleep. What time do you eat dinner?" Dean asked. Bianca looked down at the paper she was coloring, avoiding his eyes.

"We eat at six, do chores till seven, quiet time till eight and then bed. We get up at six to get ready for school," Kat replied. Dean checked his watch and saw it was almost six. He didn't want to wake Shane, she looked like she could use the rest.

"Why don't I order pizza so your mom can sleep a while longer."

"I wish she'd wake up, I don't know what this word is," Kat said. Dean hung up the phone and moved around to Kat's side of the table.

"Why don't you show me where you're stuck."


	2. Chapter 2-Smoothing

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Two: Smoothing

Dean held his breath for a second before pulling open the door of Truncheon 2. Pausing, he let his eyes wander around the store. Jess and Rory had remodeled, making a lot of changes to Andrew's old book store. Tom had done a good job on the wall to ceiling shelves around the room and the seating areas were inviting. Turning toward the checkout counter, Dean held in a chuckle at Jess and Rory's identical stunned expressions. They probably figured he'd take the easy way out, and leave the information with a third party, like Luke in the diner or Lorelai at the inn. This was a small town, and it was past time to deal. It actually irked him that Jess had made the first move. He knew it should have been him.

"Looks good. Tom picked a good wood for your shelves. Not prone to warping no matter the weight. I would have added an edging to gussy it up a bit, but it looks nice in here," Dean said, approaching the couple.

"What type of edging? Jess said your work is beautiful." Rory added, curious and trying to cover up her awkwardness. She hadn't participated in a conversation with Dean since he left her at her Grandmother's all those years ago. They'd seen each other, of course, but it was generally a nod in passing. An awkward hello in a store. Nothing in depth, and they'd never hashed out their failed affair. Thinking about Lindsey made Rory feel rotten. Lindsey had never felt comfortable in Stars Hollow after throwing Dean out, and she eventually moved away, following her parents to Woodbridge. There were few things Rory regretted, but writing the letter, Lindsey found, was one of them. She should have had the guts to call Dean.

"Just some detail. Picture a thin molding maybe, around the outer edges to frame them. I like your aisle shelves though. You lose shelf space, but having them on top of the cabinets means customers don't have to bend down. I hate having to do that in stores."

"Well, you've got a lot further to bend, and it gives us storage, we can keep most our stock underneath. Did you come up with something for the Gilmores?" Jess asked. Dean shook his head, and leaned against the counter. Running his hand across the wood top. Smoothing it. He was quiet as he ran his fingers along the grain, immersed in the wood. Rory and Jess shared a glance, and they waited.

"No, after you left, I went to Shane's. Ended up staying till about nine last night. She felt really sick, so I helped get her kids a snack when they came home from school. Checked out the house, ordered pizza for the girls and sort of supervised them till they went to bed. Then I stuck around and waited for Shane to wake up, because I knew she'd be worried."

"She was sick after her treatment, but thought it would only last a day. I wish there was more we could do," Rory said, thoughts turned inward again. Jess squeezed her hand behind the desk, and Dean faded away as their eyes met.

"We've offered, and we help where we can. We have to know before we can help. She's too self-sufficient to accept much. She was always independent," Jess said. Rory nodded, and turned her head at Dean's short laugh, giving him a confused look.

"Sorry, it's still weird," Dean said, shrugging his shoulders. "Shane's kids are great. It's sad they're growing up so fast. The oldest, Kat, she's more mature and helpful than my sister at the same age. Hell, she's more mature than my sister was as a teen."

"I think they've had to be. They're probably terrified something's going to happen to their mom. How much work does the house need? We could find donations to help," Jess said.

"Well, the ex-husband destroyed a bedroom upstairs, so two of the girls are sharing a room. It will take the most work to fix. He completely gutted it. The floors in the other bedrooms need to be replaced too, they have warping and spongy spots. The rest of the house isn't bad. There's an attic room which would be a nice play room. The house itself is in great shape for how old it is. I'm going to restore it. Not renovate. It will take longer, but it will be worth more in the end, and it's what I like to do. So it'll be like a hobby. I told her my tax guy said I need more deductions, which is actually true. She agreed to let me work on it. I'll start with the safety issues first."

"Good. You'll be there a lot?" at Dean's nod, Jess continued, "Keep an eye on her then, let us know if there's anything more we can do."

"We're serious about helping her. I know it seems odd, but we are," Rory added. Dean nodded, his hair flopping into his eyes. Brushing it back, he looked around at the bookstore again.

"I hear you made some changes to Twickum? I helped during Taylor's restoration. I would have done some things different, but there's no fighting Taylor," Dean said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"We have a lunch break coming up, do you want to see what we did to it?" Rory asked. Jess stifled his groan.

"Not today. Someday though, maybe. I only wanted to fill you in on the house. I'll get you some plans for the boxes later this week," Dean said, turning toward the door.

"Hey Dean?" Jess called, "There's no rush on the boxes, the safety issues at Shane's house are more important. And, well, thanks," he added. Dean stared at him for a second before nodding his head again and ducking out. Rory wrapped her arms around Jess's waist.

"He needs a haircut," she said. Jess laughed.

"Huh. Maybe, they're a match made in heaven. He's got the hair, she's got the know how…"


	3. Chapter 3- Building

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Three: Building

Carrying the planking from his truck to the yard, Dean kept a wary eye on Bianca who was outside on the swing set. It looked as if it was held together with duct tape, and was more rust than metal. He wasn't sure it was safe for her to use. He was waiting on his order for a new one, made of wood, and it was shipping next week. He wanted to tell her not to swing, but knew it wasn't his place. Brushing his hair out of his eyes again, he called her over to the porch.

"Hey Bianca, could you do something for me? I need someone to watch the nails." Bianca tilted her head, her blond hair falling in front of her eyes, hiding her face as she crept his direction. She was a shy one, who hadn't warmed up to him as much as Kat and Veronica.

"What are they going to do?" she asked. Dean chuckled.

"Well, I'm going to pry the old boards up, and when I do, some of the nails might fly out. Here wear these cool goggles. Your job is to watch where they go and put them in this cup. Sound good?"

"I can do it." Bianca said, "I'm in kindergarten, not preschool." Dean held in a laugh. This little one had spunk, he thought as he set to work being careful not to let the nails fly. Once she felt at ease, she was probably a handful. Bianca gathered the nails as he removed them from the boards, placing them carefully in the cup.

Neither were aware of Shane watching from the window, wrapped in her blanket. Her face pensive. Over the last week, Dean had worked at the house for a couple of hours each day. Despite her best attempts, keeping the girls out of his hair proved fruitless, and he didn't seem to mind. He was good with them. Veronica really liked him. Unless she was napping, she watched him work. Usually from a distance, lately, she'd been sneaking closer. Yesterday, Dean gave her a bit of sandpaper and let her help him with the banister spindles. She spent today sanding, and when he came by this afternoon, she stood by the steps, waiting for him to notice her work. She didn't say a word, just stood there with her thumb in her mouth. And he did notice. He ran his fingers around the spindles she had brushed her sandpaper across and praised her, telling her it was a job well done. He gave her a more pieces of the paper in case she wanted to keep going. Her little Veronica glowed, and beamed a smile.

Kat demanded he read to them before he left every day. He read princess stories and fairy tales, giving the characters unique voices. It made Shane want to cry, since their father never took the time to read to them. The younger girls couldn't even remember their father. Kat only had the vaguest of recollections. It was good for them to have a male role model. But not if he was going to stop visiting when the work was complete. Were they getting too attached? His voice caught her attention again.

"Okay, so step one is done. We have all the boards pulled up, now I have to make sure the footings, beams and joists are in good condition. Let me see those nails," Dean said, as Bianca handed him her cup, careful not to spill. "Hmmm, how come you faced all the points down?" he asked, sticking the cup in his recycle box.

"So no-one gets hurt by the sharps. My mom gets shots with needles. Do they look like the nails?" Bianca sat on the lawn and pulled tufts of grass. Dean was fighting his shock when she looked up with her big blue eyes. She and Shane had the same eyes, and the trust in Bianca's made it hard to speak. Clearing his throat, Dean thought about the right words.

"No, the needles they use for shots are really, really thin. Not like nails at all. Do you remember getting your immunizations before going to school?"

"It hurt, and I know mommy hurts," Bianca said, sniffing a little. Shane leaned against the wall, out of view, listening carefully, her eyes shut tight.

"But she's going to get better, and then she won't hurt, and she won't need any more shots," Dean said, ruffling Bianca's hair.

"Promise?" she asked. Dean rocked back on his heels, and thought about how to answer. He didn't know if Shane would be okay. He didn't have the right to make this kid promises. He needed to be very careful here.

"My mom always says there are no sure things in life, so making promises isn't a good idea. But I will tell you this… if it is at all possible, your mom will be all right. Now, these boards are still in good shape, so I can begin replacing the planks, but first I need to put in some little boards between these, to help stabilize the deck. To do it, I'll have to use a saw, and while I cut the boards, you'll need to go inside. So you're safe."

"Can I watch from the window?" Bianca asked, still pulling up the grass at her feet. Dean put his hand on hers, stunned by how small it was compared to his. Taking the grass from her, he lifted her over the deck joists and into the house.

"Yeah, you can watch from the window," he replied with a smile, not noticing Shane sneaking into the kitchen, wiping the tears from her eyes.


	4. Chapter 4- Dismantling

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Four: Dismantling

"Shane! Why didn't you call out to me? I'm here every day, for almost two months, working. We're friends right? I mean, I'd consider myself a friend of your family. I've helped you with the girls, their summer reading, chores, I've told them bedtime stories. Hell, I've even brushed their hair and put it in pony tails. Badly, I admit, but I did it. Why won't you let me help you?" Dean said, sweeping his floppy bangs out of his eyes. He was angry. He'd walked into the living room to find Shane lying on the floor, crying, and she wouldn't let him help her up. Thank God the girls were at the festival with Lorelai.

"Because I don't want you to see me like this, dammit! I tripped, and my stomach's cramping, I couldn't get up," Shane said, trying to yell, but only succeeding in a harsh whisper. "It'll pass if I lay here long enough. Fuck. It's humiliating."

"Bull. That's bull," Dean sat on the floor next to her. She was curled up in a ball on her side, tears running down her ravaged face. The bandana she'd been wearing had slipped, and her hair hung in lanky sections. Most of it had fallen out. "Shane, you're amazing. You're so damn brave for your girls. The only time you've let yourself show your pain is when they've been gone. I think a lot about what I would do, how I would act if I was in your position. You have this incredible strength of will. I don't remember you having it in high school, but I didn't know you very well."

"You didn't know I existed."

"Not true. The first time we had a class together I noticed you. It was American History. You had on a purple shirt, and your eyes were purple. The next day, you wore black and your eyes were more gray. I knew you existed."

"The only girl who existed for you was Rory Gilmore. You know it's true. You dated Lindsey for the same reason Jess dated me. Only you were an idiot, and you married your bimbo," Shane said. She didn't know why she was saying these things, but she wanted him to hurt. He was so good. Such a gentleman, she wanted to push him till he tarnished. Dean looked sad for a second, then distant, but he spoke instead of standing up and walking out. Which she so desperately wanted him to do. Or not, she didn't know anymore, her emotions were all over the place. She was so tired of being sick.

"There's some truth there, except the bimbo part. And don't forget to add we did a really good job destroying multiple lives. I should never have married Lindsey, I wasn't over Rory and Lindsey was a rebound. I was a stupid kid. When I cheated on her, I knew Rory didn't feel the same. I don't know why she slept with me, although looking back it may have had something to do with Jess visiting her dorm right before. I should have put it together then, especially when she took off to Europe with her grandmother before we took the time to talk."

"Like you said, you were a stupid kid. I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not normally cruel, and I know talking about Rory and Jess hurts you," Shane said, embarrassed by her actions, and surprised by how open he was being.

"No, it doesn't. Yeah, there's a residue of anger there toward Jess. I carried it around for so long. But, he's different now. Grown up, and I grew up too," Dean replied shrugging his shoulders. "I went through a stage before I started dating again, where I was angry at Rory. Really angry after I decided she was using me as a place filler while she waited for something better to come along. I said some pretty cruel things to Luke, and it took a while, but eventually we reached the point where we could play softball without trying to kill each other again. Back then, I lashed out at everyone, including my family. My sister, Clara, screamed during a fight I was mean, bitter, I think she called me stupid too. It was a hell of a wakeup call. I'd turned into someone I didn't know anymore, and I needed to find my way back to being me. Someone my little sister could look up to and be proud of. After then, I was good. Dated, fell in love. Out of love. Normal."

"Can you do me a favor?" Shane asked, unsure, but wanting to change the subject to something lighter, and less personal.

"Sure."

"Will you shave my head?" Staring into Dean's shocked face, she was surprised when he agreed.

"Let's get you into a kitchen chair, and I will," Dean replied, scooping Shane up into his arms and carrying her. Her hands tightened instinctively around his neck, and she let her head fall against his chest. He was so strong, she realized she could allow herself to be weak with him. The thought scared her.

"Clippers are in the bathroom cupboard," she said, as he set her down, careful and gentle.

"Got em," he said coming back into the kitchen. "I'll cut it first with the scissors, though right?" he asked, taking them out of the kit. "Do you want a towel or anything, to keep from getting itchy?"

"No, I'll shower after. Just go ahead and cut."

Dean tried to keep his thoughts clean, as he lifted sections and chopped them off as close to the scalp as he could, but he kept picturing her naked. Standing behind her, if he leaned forward, he could see down the neck of the loose v-neck tee she wore. He'd been here enough to know they removed one of her breasts. She was too sick to worry about wearing a fake one, so it was pretty obvious. Today, like most days, she wasn't wearing a bra. He could see the scar clearly, although he guessed in time it would fade. He'd googled a bit, and seen pictures of women who'd gotten tattoos, amazing, beautiful tattoos. He could imagine her doing it too. Her other breast was still there, and he supposed it was perfect, but it wasn't the sight of her chest which had him thinking dirty. Although truthfully, and he didn't enjoy feeling like a creep, he wanted to see if her skin was as smooth as it looked. Lusting after a sick woman. Was it wrong to want her? He hadn't meant to do it, but when he picked her up, holding her in his arms, he touched her ass, and the feel of her in his arms, against his chest…She was so small, almost weightless. There was more though, when he thought about her showering, it was her legs and her tiny waist which really sent him over the edge. He'd always been a leg man. Get a grip, Dean. Think about something else, think about Patty. Yup. All better now. Cut the hair, picture Patty.

"Are you okay? You've been awfully quiet," Shane asked. Dean let his hand rest on her head for a second.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Ready for the clippers?"

"Do you think I should shave it completely, or leave it stubbly?"

"Depends. Are you going to wear a hat when you go out? I mean, you should to protect your head from sunburn. Trust me, I've had many a summer haircut which turned painful and miserable when I forgot to wear my hat. If so, leave it stubbly. It'd be easier to maintain. If you go the completely shaved route, then you'll need sunscreen when you go out, and what do they use to get the shiny look, a buffer?" Dean asked, trying not to babble as he plugged in the clippers.

"I can picture the sunscreen melting into my eyes, so let's leave it stubbly," Shane said.

Picking up hair off the floor with a paper towel, Dean looked up to see Shane in front of him. Standing, he let the paper towel and hair drop as he stared.

"What is it? Is it horrible?" Shane asked, panicked, running a hand across her head. Dean shook his head slowly.

"You look, you're gorgeous. Your eyes, they're freaking huge. You're all beautiful eyes. It's… Wow. It's a good look for you," he said. Shane looked down at the floor before risking a glance at Dean.

"I'd think you were just being nice, but you look stunned, so I believe you. Thank you. I should shower," she said, watching as Dean swallowed hard.

"Yeah. You should get the hair off. You don't want to," he trailed off as new pictures flooded his mind. Visions of Patty were long gone.

"Be itchy. I know. So, I'll shower. You'll be okay out here?" she asked, feeling stupid and nervous.

"Yeah, I'm going to start the bedroom walls today. Upstairs. Okay then. I'll get my tools," he said before bolting out the door.

What the hell just happened, Shane asked herself as she went into the bathroom.


	5. Chapter 5- Warped

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Five: Warped

"Rory, can I talk to you about something. It's awkward," Shane said, as Rory drove to the hospital in Hartford. Shane knew she wouldn't feel up to talking after her appointment, her last treatment. Thank you, God! This was the fourth one Rory had driven her to, and Shane enjoyed the time spent with Rory. They'd even had a movie night with Lorelai and the little girls, gorging on tons of snacks.

"Sure, what is it?"

"Last week, when Dean cut my hair, I think there was a moment." Rory glanced over at Shane, who was trying to act nonchalant. Rory chuckled.

"A moment or a thing?" she asked with an encouraging smile.

"I don't know, a thing maybe," Shane trailed off. "Is it even possible?"

"Very possible, tell me everything," Rory demanded. Shane began hesitantly, first talking about their argument, and then trying to gloss over the conversation. Rory didn't let her, she stopped her, made her backtrack and give the details. Who the hell would have thought Rory Gilmore, the girl she once called a freak, would turn out to be a friend, someone Shane could share her feelings with? There was something about her though, something which made the hardest, angriest, and damaged feel safe. Shane wondered if it's what drew Jess in, why he kept going back, or if it had been why Rory was known as such a good reporter. Not that Shane had followed Rory's stuff, but she'd read a few articles which appeared in the magazines and papers the beauty shop subscribed to. She liked talking to her because Rory didn't judge her, she listened, and processed, only rarely giving an opinion. Over the last month, Rory had been a sounding board for all sorts of issues, from what the school was saying about Bianca, to Taylor trying to regulate her beauty shop.

"Dean's right, you know. I ran to him to feel safe, because Jess made me want things I couldn't have. I shut my feelings for Jess down with every 'no' and convinced myself we were wrong from the start. That I'd made a mistake. Then I talked myself into the relationship with Dean, even though he was married. Dean's right about it and I'm glad he finally got angry at me. I deserved it, I shouldn't have fallen into his arms, too many lives were ruined. It was so easy to fall back into the relationship. Like comfort food. I think we used each other. Him, because he was figuring out he'd made a mistake marrying Lindsey and me because I wanted the safe choice."

"You considered an affair with a married man the safe choice? Seems risky to me."

"Well yeah, if you're hoping they'll leave their spouse, it'd be risky. Because they seldom do, right? So I think part of me knew it was playing at a relationship. That it wasn't going to go anywhere. It couldn't, even after she found my letter saying I was taking myself out of the picture. We'd gone into it for the wrong reasons. It felt like we needed to try to make it work out because he'd lost so much. But it didn't, the same issues from when we were teens were still there. So what happened next?" Rory asked, wanting to get to the possible thing before the appointment.

"I asked Dean to shave my head and he carried me into the kitchen."

"Swept you up into his arms and carried you, like in _An Officer and A Gentleman_?" At Shane's nod, Rory continued, "how romantic, I love that scene! How did it make you feel? Were there butterflies?"

"Oh yeah. He's so strong, and it scared me. Because he makes me feel petite and delicate," she added. Rory gave her a knowing look.

"Cherished?"

"Yeah, like no one would ever hurt me again. But then, he was so quiet, and when he was done with my hair…He was cleaning up the floor and I stood, turned towards him, and he dropped everything. He stared. He told me I was 'all beautiful eyes' and said I was gorgeous. Then I said I should shower and it got really awkward. So I guess I need to know, am I reading him wrong? Could it be a thing? Are you okay with the idea of it? And why would he even want me? Do you think he could- could overlook this?" Shane gestured to her chest and was looking down at her hands as she finished speaking. Rory pulled into a parking place, turned off the car, and faced her. They only had a few minutes before they needed to go inside, so every word had to count. Shane was showing a side Rory had never seen. A side Jess wouldn't believe existed, since he once described Shane as being as vulnerable as a great white shark, and as single minded. Shane had shared a few things from her childhood with Rory, and toughening herself up mentally, learning to let the opinions of others slide off, was a side effect of having a verbally abusive father. Possibly physically abusive too, although Shane hadn't said so. There were rumors in town bandied about, all sorts of rumors about Shane's dad, his other women and her mom's back problems being caused by long term abuse. Rumor had it, Shane's sexual exploits, in high school, were a reaction to her father's death. He'd been driving drunk, and wrapped his car around a tree. The woman in the car with him was only a few years older than Shane.

"One, the town's been hoping the two of you would hook up for months, so of course I'm okay with it. But it shouldn't matter anyway. Two, you totally rock the shorn look, and Dean's right. You are all beautiful eyes. Three, I don't think you're reading him wrong. I think he already wants you, and the awkwardness stemmed from his realization of it. When you said you were going to shower, he immediately went to a sex place in his head. He's a guy, and you're a beautiful woman," Rory added.

"No, no I'm not, not any more. I'm not whole. He couldn't possibly want me; he'd be disgusted. I'm not..."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but he knows, right? I mean, you never wear a bra. Believe me, he's noticed. It doesn't change the fact you're beautiful," Rory said.

"Oh shit, I had him cut my hair. In that shirt!" Shane said, turning red.

"Are you blushing? Why are you blushing?" Rory asked, confused.

"When I did hair, sometimes, depending on the shirt, I could see down them. Most of the time. You learn not to look, but he probably saw everything, and I mean- everything. It was a loose shirt," Shane said, panicking, slumping down in the seat. Rory laughed.

"Well, it's one conversation you won't have to get into a whole lot. No big reveal at the end. He's already seen it. He's seen it and he still said you were gorgeous. Says quite a bit, don't you think? Come on, let's do this. Last one, I bet you're happy about it."

"Yeah, and with any luck, I won't ever have to do this again."

Jess was working on the edits for Rory's non-fiction manuscript about violence against women, when the bell above Truncheon 2's door jingled. Looking up, he saw Dean approaching with a briefcase.

"Plans for the boxes?" Jess asked, and Dean nodded handing them over. "Wow, these are going to be beautiful. I love the inlay design for the tops. What woods are you going to use?"

"Here's some samples, and a colored version of the plans. You need to get a look at their wedding rings. If they're platinum, I'll use this wood here, if they're gold, I'll use this one. What do you think?"

"I'll check their hands. I think you're an artist, and you should have your work on display, maybe tables in the reading area," Jess said, gesturing around his business. The walls, and some of the aisle shelves, showcased various artworks, including paintings and sculptures, and Jess thought Dean's work would fit in well. A framed drawing caught Dean's attention. Set in Luke's, it was a picture of Luke, leaning over Lorelai's shoulder, pouring her coffee. The expression of love was clear on both their faces as Lorelai looked up at her man, and the details of their surroundings were spot on. Every coffee cup behind their heads was rendered perfectly. "Garret drew it. He's the boy Lorelai and Luke adopted. My new little brother," Jess said with pride.

"He's good. Really good. I have an idea. I'm turning the attic at Shane's into a princess playroom. It's a long room, spans the length of the house. It already has these great octagon windows, and slanted walls, but there's a section up there, before it, which I want to keep for storage shelves, Christmas decorations and boxed stuff. I framed it off, and put in a cool elaborate old fashioned door, but the entrance wall into their space is crying out for something. Something which says there's a secret behind this door. That this is the entrance to someplace special. Do you think he could do a mural? If he drew it, I could help paint."

"Yeah, he'd probably love to. Depending on the door, he could do a castle type thing, or a secret garden. He'll have more ideas though. He's at my house right now, Luke and Lorelai are both at work, and he's trying to finish the summer reading list Rory gave him. He'd be happy if we interrupted him. Want to head over?" Jess asked.

"Sure. I wanted to see what you've done to the place. If you can leave?" Dean said, glad meeting with Jess wasn't awkward anymore. Not that they were friends, but they weren't enemies. Made living in the same town easier.

"Not a problem. Perks of being the boss. April, you're in charge!" Jess yelled toward the back.

"April? Luke's daughter?" Dean asked, as they walked the short distance to Twickum.

"She's visiting before going off to college in a couple of weeks. She transferred to MIT, wants to do scientific research of some sort," Jess said, opening the front door and gesturing Dean inside.

"Wow, MIT? I heard she was smart. I like the colors in here. It's not dark anymore. The green Taylor picked was too dark," Dean said, looking around the living room.

"Rory picked them. We knocked out the wall over there, opening up the kitchen, and turned the bedroom down here into a library. That's where we'll find Garret. Let's go upstairs first. We did some major work up there. There were originally six rooms and one bathroom. Taylor knocked out a couple of walls for his museum, which made it easier. We cut it down to a master suite, a guest room with bath and two kid rooms with a shared bath. Plus a laundry room. Tom really fought us on having it on the second floor, but we love it upstairs," Jess said, letting Dean wander in and out of the rooms. Smirking at Dean's raised eyebrows when he saw the guest room.

"Makes sense, it's where the clothes are, so less work. I take it Lorelai decorated the guest room?"

"Yup. Lorelai thinks she's going to decorate the children's rooms too, but I'm working on a plan to keep it from happening. And there's no way in hell I'm letting her name my future children, no matter what deal she and Rory cut. Now let me show you our pride and joy. The library. There was a parlor down here, which we turned into our office, and this was the old master bedroom. Rory added the bay windows here," Jess said, as Dean wandered around the room.

"Jesus, you have a huge book collection, I shouldn't be surprised. I like the wood stain. Not too dark, but still the red of Cherry. The room though, the whole upstairs too, is crying for molding. Something simple, not too flashy."

"Yup. It needs an edging around the ceiling and windows. They're too plain," Garret piped in from his spot on the couch.

"Garret, I'd like you to meet Dean. Dean is, well…"

"I was the bane of Jess's existence," Dean said.

"Yeah, that's about right. He was Rory's boyfriend several times, kept getting in the way of my plans," seeing Garret's narrowed eyes, Jess continued with a smirk. "It's okay, though. It all worked out in the end. He's the best carpenter I've seen, an artist with wood. He's working in Shane's house. How's the reading coming?"

"Rory's insane. What sixth grader needs to read these books? I looked on-line and most of them, high schools don't even require you to read. At least she lets me read a fun book between the ones on her list," Garret ranted.

"What's she making you read?" Dean asked.

"To Kill A Mockingbird, it's a good book, but jeeze," Garret replied. A glance at Jess, and Dean could tell he was ready to jump in if needed to defend the beloved literature. But Dean spent enough time with Rory to know not to mess in this pool.

"Could be worse, she made me read Anna Karenina by Tolstoy," Dean said, laughing at himself.

"And you did?" Jess asked, shocked.

"What? I read. And yes, I read it for her. I hated it. The names were all the same, and it was way too long. Tell me you wouldn't have done the same," Dean added with a glare. Jess laughed again.

"I would have done the same. Hell, she made me re-read Rand. I hate Rand, and the Fountainhead is almost as long as Anna Karenina," Jess replied with a smirk.

"You were both whipped, according to mom," Garret added. Jess and Dean looked at him, at first appalled, but a look at his smile, and they relaxed. Jess smirked while Dean laughed.

"And you refused to read the eight books on her list? Most of which would be considered romances?" Jess said with a smile. Garret shrugged.

"I'm new to the family. It's my excuse and I'm sticking to it."

"Well, if you want a break, Dean has a proposition for you," Jess said, steering the subject away from Rory.


	6. Chapter 6- Planking

A/N- Hit the review button to let me know what you think! I know Dean's hard on himself here, (and obviously misguided) but I've talked to guys who've cheated, and sometimes they do wonder if they're flawed somehow. Most don't plan on cheating. Dean was a white knight, too good to be true character, to begin with. He fell pretty far, probably farther in his own head than in reality. So I think he needs to question himself a bit.

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Six: Planking

Dean came down the steps from the attic to the sound of crying. Stopping outside of Kat's door, he debated. Should he knock? Maybe he should back away. Sitting against the wall, he thought about the last few months. He'd kept his word, finishing everything he'd started.

The bedroom on this floor was completed. He'd painted it Bianca's favorite color of yellow, and then Lorelai decorated it with daisies and butterflies. Kat's room hadn't needed much work, he replaced the flooring, a window and the light fixtures. Kat loved pansies, so she and Lorelai painted her room in the palest green they could find, and added purple and yellow pansy accents. A few paint touch ups later, Lorelai couldn't paint to save her life, and it was good to go. He still needed to replace Veronica's flooring, and the room needed to be painted, but the plan was to do her room last in hopes she'd pick a different color from the hot pink she currently wanted. The stairs were done and he was almost finished with the surprise in the attic. Truthfully, most of the work was done. Sure, there were some things he could do in the other rooms, but they weren't necessary. Everything necessary was almost done. It boiled down to two things.

It wasn't his house.

This wasn't his family.

Leaning against the wall, listening to Kat cry, Dean fought with himself. On one hand, he was too close to this family. He was beginning to love these girls. It hurt something inside him to hear Kat cry. It terrified him Veronica fell out of the tree in the backyard. Bianca's problem with math made his heart ache, she was so smart with everything else.

On the other hand, he was close to this family, he loved the girls, and wanted to protect them, help them, be part of their lives. He wanted to read to Kat, or listen to her read to him. He wanted to find fun ways to help Bianca with math, because he thought if she wasn't so scared of it, she could do it. He wanted to keep Veronica safe. She was so fearless, it worried him. Putting his arms across his legs, he rested his head on the wall behind him.

If he was honest-

Squeezing his eyes shut, he forced himself to complete the thought.

If he was honest, he had feelings for Shane. If he was honest, he knew he'd fallen in love with her the first time he saw her fight through how sick she felt for one of her girls. Kat had come home from school, upset about something, and Shane folded her in her arms and held her, listening to the crying, smoothing Kat's hair. After a few minutes, she steered her to the kitchen, made Kat some pizza rolls, and listened to the problem. Dean knew she'd been fighting her own nausea the entire time. When Kat smiled and went to her room, Shane rushed to the garbage, barely making it in time. Dean held her up while she got sick. It was one of the few times she'd let him help her.

She was courageous, and full of life, funny and snarky. She was single minded in her efforts. She forged ahead no matter what. He wanted to protect her, be there for her, help her, and he knew she would hate the idea. She was independent and self-controlled. So brave. She was beautiful. He wanted her. He wanted to explore her body, learning every nook and cranny. He wanted to show her how beautiful she was, because he knew she didn't believe it anymore.

But-

But he knew he wasn't good enough for this family. He didn't know how to be a father. A friend, but a dad? How would you jump into something like that? And why would she ever trust him. He cheated on his wife. He wasn't family man material. He'd proved it while married, and one drunken time while dating. What was the saying his ex-girlfriend threw at him? Once a cheater, always a cheater? It's why he didn't get drunk anymore. A beer or two, sure, but he didn't ever drink till he didn't know what the hell he was doing.

No. Even if she was interested, and he didn't think she was, she'd never given any indication she was, it wouldn't work. It wouldn't work because he was flawed. He liked, he wanted, a strong focused woman. Like Rory, Melissa, and Shane…They just didn't want him. The only girls who wanted him were the ones looking for the protective type, like Lindsey or Rebecca. Standing, he listened to the sniffles, put his hand on the knob, and then turned away. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he went downstairs and out the front door. Walking down the street, through the town, oblivious to Jess's narrowed gaze out the bookstore window, Dean made a decision. He made the decision to start distancing himself from Shane and her family.

"Shit," Jess said, surprising Garret. Moving to the window to see what Jess was looking at, Garret watched Dean walk down the block.

"What's wrong with him?" he asked. Jess put his hand on Garret's shoulder.

"Tell me, what do you see. What's he thinking?"

"His shoulders are slumped, he looks dejected, but his walk… it switched just now. He's decided something. Something part of him doesn't like?" Garret said, hesitant. This was a game he and Jess played. Not a game really. A study. A study of human nature. Jess said he did it because he was a writer, and Garret should do it because it would help his art, but Garret knew. Garret knew Jess did it because of his past. He was always watching, always aware of his surroundings. Always on the defensive. Always waiting for a change in body language indicating the need to protect himself. Looking for someone twitchy. Garret knew he lived that way too, only he'd never put it into words, or realized it, till Jess first played this game with him. And they continued to do it, keeping their skills sharp in case they needed it again. Despite learning to trust, or living in Stars Hollow.

"Exactly. What do we know about him? What would he have decided?" Jess asked.

"Huh. Well, he's coming from Shane's," Garret said as realization began to dawn. "Do you think they had a fight?"

"No. I think he decided to leave. He's running from the idea of them."

"Like you did? The first time, I mean," Garret said, careful to keep looking out the window. To not push. Jess winced at Garret's insight. Sometimes it was too strong.

"Maybe, it's different, but the concept is the same."

"What are we going to do?" Garret asked. He'd grown to like Dean as they worked in the attic together.

"I don't know, nothing. It's for him and Shane to work out, and she's not the type to let him get away if she doesn't want him to go."


	7. Chapter 7- Sanding

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Seven: Sanding

Shane was slowly coming back to herself. The doctors, although they refused to confirm completely, were confident they removed the cancerous tissue, and by removing the whole breast instead of only the part with the tumor, her chances were even better. By undergoing the chemo, they said her chances of recurrence were slim. Her next appointment was in two months, and she was happy to be free from doctors till then. Looking in the mirror, she thought her face was filling out and she was beginning to look healthier. The shadows under her eyes were gone, which was good, because the purple shirt she was wearing might have matched them too well otherwise. Today was a special day, and she wanted to look her best. Today, Dean was going to unveil the attic for the girls.

"Mom! Are you coming? Everyone's here," Kat yelled from the living room. Adding a bit of color to her lips, Shane took one last look in the mirror and headed in.

"I'm here, I'm here! Hold your horses, Kat. Hey everybody, glad you could come," Shane said to Rory, Lorelai, Garret and Jess, before turning and looking at Dean. These last two weeks had proven Dean uninterested in her, despite what Rory said, as he ignored her presence in the house while working. But what really pissed her off, was the way he'd been with her girls. He was interacting with them less. He wasn't mean or anything, but he was standoffish. He found excuses not to read to them before he left, disappointing Kat. He only came over when he knew Veronica would be napping. He was having a harder time shaking Bianca, but even she seemed confused. If he kept it up, there were going to be words. Turning to glance his direction, she gave him a smile.

"Well Dean, Garret? Are you ready to show us what you've done to the attic?" Letting the girls walk on ahead, Dean placed his hand on the small of Shane's back as he followed her up the main steps. Stopping at the top, he leaned his head down to hers, her hair was beginning to grow back. The scent of her shampoo with its hint of coconut made him long to bury his nose in her neck, and breath deep.

"Are you okay? Feeling all right?" he asked. Shane glanced up in surprise. His eyes were so close to hers, and his full lips were inches from her own. Sucking in a shaky breath, she ran her tongue across her lips to moisten them. Looking down at her feet, she missed Dean's eyes darken as his pupils dilated.

"I'm good, my energy level improves every day," Shane said, stepping forward to the end of the hall and the steps into the attic. Dean moved with her, keeping his hand on her back, not being able to let go, not yet. Both of them missed the elbowing and knowing looks going on behind them as a smiling Rory, a grinning Lorelai and a smirking Jess followed them to the attic.

Waiting at the top, Garret tried to control his excitement. Working on this project had given his art purpose. Plus, Dean listened to him. Respected his ideas. The first time Garret saw the dark wooden door with iron accents, he knew it had to be Sleeping Beauty. But not the pink and blue animated version. He'd seen a poster once, in New York, for the ballet, and wanted to use jewel tones instead. Some quick sketches of the outside rose covered wall, and an internet search to show Dean the colors had Dean changing gears and adjusting his ideas to fit Garret's vision. Dean installed stained glass in parts of the windows, in deep rich colors, and Lorelai had gone to town with draping materials in the same shades, creating reading nooks, and secluded play areas against the pale grey, almost white, walls. The floor was carpet, to help muffle sound, but it looked like mosaic wood. In the center of the room, Lorelai had placed an eclectic outdoor table with swirly iron legs and a wood top. There were matching chairs, and a beautiful tea set Grandma Gilmore found in her basement. She had come to visit the room to see what Garret had been spending so much of his time on, and after being thoroughly charmed by Veronica, dug out the flowered plates and cups along with the silver plated service. All had been gifts from Richard's mother, and regulated to the basement of the Gilmore house, so it wasn't like she'd miss them, but it was still a nice gesture. One which had Lorelai talking in amazement for days. Garret was proud of what they'd done here, and couldn't wait for Shane and the girls to see it.

"Alright, let's go into the attic. The first room is for storage," Dean said, and Garret opened the door, hanging back to watch the girls enter. Kat was the first to notice the wall at the end of the room.

"Mom! Look! It's a rose covered castle wall."

"Are those real?" Bianca asked, awed by the pinks and reds of the flowers, along with the buzzing bees, butterflies and ladybugs Garret had added.

"Garret painted those using a special technique called Trompe-L'oeil. It makes the wall look farther back than the flowers. Pretty incredible, don't you think?" Dean said, watching the girl's expressions change as they reached out to touch the flowers and thorns. "I knew I wanted this area to be special, for you girls, your own secret space. But Garret, he had the ideas, and chose the colors. Jess had one of Truncheon's artists come help Garret with the perspective stuff," Dean reached forward and opened the door. Hearing their excited squeals, he shut his eyes against them, trying to find his equilibrium. Their reactions were everything he'd hoped for. A soft whisper caught his attention.

"Dean…" Shane said as she turned toward him, into the curl of his arm. "It's beautiful, thank you. Thank you everyone," she added, moving away, further into the room. Letting his arm fall away slowly, Dean stood, silent. Lorelai moved to him, putting her hand on his shoulder.

"You're a prince, Dean. You're a prince," she said as she watched Kat investigate the contents of the new bookshelf Dean had built, and Richard had stocked, each shelf representing another reading level up. Rory moved to Bianca.

"Hey sweetie, here are your Barbies, and you can leave them set up in here. It's like a secret village behind the curtain," she said as she showed Bianca her own special nook. "Veronica, your dolls have their own place too, over here," Rory added. Dean was talking to Lorelai about the improvements he'd made to the house while Shane wandered around the length of the room, looking behind the curtains, checking out the window seat with built in storage. She fought the emotions threatening to overwhelm her as she caught Jess staring at her with an impassive expression.

"What Jess? What do you want to say?" she asked, voice low, hands on her hips. Jess smirked.

"Why are you fighting it?"

"Fighting what? I don't know what you're talking about," Shane replied while straightening her shoulders, and lifting her chin slightly.

"Rory's almost in tears, Lorelai hasn't quit wiping her eyes since Kat found the bookshelf. Why are you holding yourself in check?" Jess asked. Although she hadn't shown much emotion when they were dating, he knew she was trying not to show any today. He'd seen it in himself often enough. It showed in the set of her mouth, her shoulders, the way she let her hands hang, purposefully loose, instead of allowing the tenseness to show. Glaring at him, Shane turned to Garret who was sketching Veronica playing with her dolls and the tea set. With a smug look at Jess, she marched over to Garret, and pulled him into a hug. Jess chuckled at Garret's shock.

"Thank you Garret, for everything you've done here," she said, pulling away. Garret picked up his sketch book, and shuffled his feet nervously.

"You're welcome, it was fun to do," he replied. Jess snickered, walked up to next to Shane and challenged her.

"Bet you won't hug Dean like that," he said, before moving on to wrap his arm around Rory's waist. Nodding Shane's direction as she hesitantly approached Dean, Jess directed Rory's attention to the couple who were unaware of the scrutiny they were under.

"What'd you do?" Rory whispered.

"Practically dared her," Jess replied, shrugging his shoulders as Lorelai moved their direction. Leaving the path free for Shane.

Holding his eyes with her own, Shane walked across the room and into Dean's arms. Letting out an oomph when her body cleaved itself to his, Dean wrapped his arms around her, embracing her. Looking down at the top of her head, confused, he let himself breath in her scent.

"Thank you Dean, for doing this for us," Shane said, giving him a squeeze. She was getting ready to pull away, when his arms tightened around her. Once again she was flooded with the sense of being cherished, protected. No one had ever made her feel protected before. She'd learned early to protect herself. Backing away, she made the mistake of looking into his eyes again. "Thank you for being part of our lives," she added.

Dean stared, her eyes had gone a deep purple because of the shirt she was wearing, and he thought his world was stopping. Ending when she pulled out of his arms. What had she said? Thank you for being part of their lives? Reluctantly letting go of her, Dean took a step back, closing himself off from the look in her eyes, from his own pain. He had to do the right thing here, for everyone. He couldn't be selfish, not when the girls were involved. They didn't need someone involving themselves in their lives who didn't plan on sticking around.

"You're welcome. I hope you enjoy it. I have a meeting I need to get to. I'll see you later to talk about Veronica's room. Bye everybody," Dean called as he turned away and almost ran down the steps. Shane thought she might break into a thousand pieces and then she squared her shoulders, and went to see what book Kat was immersed in. Jess left to catch up with Dean while Lorelai, Rory and Garret sidetracked the younger girls.

"Dean! Wait up," Jess called and Dean ignored him, walking off down the block. Jess glared at his retreating back, and forced himself into a run to catch up. Dean lengthened his stride in response. "Bagboy!" Jess yelled, "You lose your apron again?" Dean whipped around, angry.

"You got a problem, Jess?" he asked. Jess evaluated the threat and decided to keep pushing.

"Nope, no problem here. Just watching the village idiot do something stupid. Why are you running?"

"Back off, Jess. You're not my friend, I don't need your advice."

"Huh. Well, we don't go drinking together. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you have everything under control, and know what you're doing. Maybe there aren't three little girls who were waiting for their turn to say thank you. Maybe you've said your goodbyes to them instead of abandoning them just like their father did. Maybe you don't have feelings for Shane. Maybe you aren't scared shitless and running. Or maybe you do need a friend, and advice." Sticking his hands in his pockets, Jess turned and walked away.


	8. Chapter 8- Stripping

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Eight: Stripping

"Brother! It's been ages. What brings you to my neck of the woods?" Clara asked as Dean walked into the boutique his sister managed in Hartford. She could tell something was bothering him, she hadn't seen him with his shoulders slumped this badly since Melissa moved out. "Lean on the counter, tell me your sad tale of woe."

"So, a couple of months ago, Jess Mariano showed up at my apartment and asked me to check out this woman's house. She was going through cancer treatment, and there were some safety concerns for her little kids."

"Okay, stop. Wasn't Jess the guy who broke you and Rory up the first time? The prick who hinted I should die in the street?"

"I think he told you to go stand in the middle of the street, and to be fair, you were a little annoying back then. You were mocking his name," Dean said, smiling at the memory.

"Okay, maybe. Still, you've come a long ways, baby, if you aren't frothing at his name. Five years ago, you didn't want to hear his or Rory's name," Clara said, with another smile. "I'm proud of you bro."

"You're annoying, when did you start using all the slang? Everyone grows up, Clara. Even me. I've actually spent time with both Rory and Jess over the last couple of months. They're together now. Married, even."

"Really? So why the slumped shoulders if you're not still pining over the home wrecker?"

"Clara, enough. First of all, it takes two to tango, and it was my marriage. Not hers. Ultimately, I made the bigger mistake, she may have been the reason I used to cheat, but I'm the only one in control of my actions," Dean added.

"Wow. You have grown up, it only took you how long to realize that? But, don't go to the other extreme now," Clara added.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you have a tendency to try to take the blame for everything. You let guilt overpower your good sense. Take Melissa for example."

"No. Don't go there, Clara," Dean said, beginning to get agitated.

"Yes, I will, because you need to hear me. At her core, Rory was a nice person. She was. I know that, you know that, even mom knew. Melissa was not. She might have been independent and great at her job, but she had a mean spirit. Why do you think you went out after work and drank? You didn't want to go home, Dean. You didn't want to hear her put you down, her snide remarks about construction workers. So you stayed out. You may have cheated, but the relationship was doomed anyway. And because of your guilt, you gave her whatever she wanted when you moved out. Almost ruining yourself in the process. Yes of course you need a new car, would you like my balls on a plate too?" Clara said the last in her best simpering voice before continuing despite Dean's reddening face. "Plus, you told dad you were never going to get married or have a family, that there was something wrong with you. You laid it all on him while he was sick. You were riddled with guilt. Now, tell me about the woman with the house," Clara said, seeing Dean's stricken expression. She shouldn't have said the stuff about dad. It was going too far.

"I think I'm falling for her."

"You're sure it isn't your white knight complex?" Clara asked, concerned.

"What I feel for her, it's so much more intense than... I'm drawn to her, Clara. I want to spend every minute I'm not working with her. I have to force myself to do other things. She doesn't bore me. I sanded her entire staircase, while she sat on the steps, and we talked. About everything, about nothing, for days. It's so comfortable, yet there's an excitement too," Dean stared off into the distance, and his face softened, the hard planes of his jaw smoothing out, his eyes crinkled at the corners.

"You said she has children?"

"Yeah, they're great girls. The middle one reminds me of you."

"And the cancer?" Clara asked, scared for her brother. She could tell he was in deep, and he deserved to be happy.

"Gone, hopefully it will stay gone. The thing is- do you think I could be a family man? Dad was incredible with us. If I could be half the man he was, I know I disappointed him. Hurt him with what I said. I was angry with myself," Dean said.

"Dean, you've always been a family man type of guy. Think about how good you were with me. Not many brothers would leave their girlfriends to ride in a carriage with their sister. You very seldom ever got mad at me tagging along. Yeah, for a while you were hard to deal with, but mom said it wasn't a surprise, it was your way of rebelling. Of finding your path. Dad would have been proud of you, of the man you are now. I know it, I'm just sad he didn't live long enough to see your business become such a success. He knew it would though, and he knew you were stricken with guilt. That it was effecting your decisions. Now, give me a hug and go right whatever wrong you think you've done."

Dean sat in the diner nursing a cup of coffee, thinking about yesterday's conversation with his sister, while Luke watched him. He wondered how much Luke knew. Obviously, Jess knew, and he talked to Rory, who talked to Lorelai. He guessed everyone knew how he felt. Sighing, as Luke walked his direction with the coffee pot, he readied himself for whatever Luke was going say. After his dad died, Luke stepped in and helped Dean finish setting up his business, talking him through the licensing and tax forms, recommending an accountant and helping to find office space. When Dean had asked why, Luke had said he didn't have anyone around when his own dad had passed to help set up the diner. It didn't matter that they hadn't ever been buddies. Or that Dean and Rory ended badly, any of the times. It was typical Luke Danes behavior. He saw someone in need and quietly did what he could. Of course, now Luke thought he had the right to dispense advice. Whether Dean wanted it with his coffee or not.

"You want your coffee warmed up?"

"Yeah, thanks," Dean said, surprised. Luke nodded and moved to the next table. Leaning back into his chair, Dean wondered if it was possible, if Luke really didn't know what an idiot Dean was being. At least as far as everyone else was concerned. His talk with his sister started him thinking, but the stakes were too high to rush in blindly. So he was running the possibility of pursing a relationship through his head. In the meantime, everyone was taking it upon themselves to meddle. Rory had sought him out at a job site, looked at him with her big blue eyes, and shook her head sadly before walking away. She hadn't said a word, but then, she hadn't needed to. Lorelai had plenty of words, and wasn't that a wonderful ten minutes in Doose's. Taylor's hurrumphed agreement only made it worse as he slowly rang up Dean's items. It was obvious Taylor was giving Lorelai time to finish her rant when he sent the new bagboy away to stock something and then bagged the items himself. One slow can at a time. Why couldn't anyone understand?

"I understand," Luke said, and Dean realized he had spoken the last bit out loud.

"You do?"

"Yeah, I mean, I've always known you were an idiot. I even believed you once, which made me an idiot too. But you were wrong then, and you're wrong now. See, your problem is, you don't think you're good enough. Except in softball, you have an overinflated ego there. No, you build other people up in your head, and think they deserve better, think they want better. What you don't get, is, maybe your perfect person does deserve better. But the real person? Now that's a different story," Luke said, before moving on to Babette's table.

"He's right, sugar," Babette said. "Those girls need you, and if you have feelings for Shane, you should act on them. You don't want to end up alone, with only yourself for company. I don't know what I would have done if Morey hadn't come into my life. Probably ended up with a house full of cats!"

"If it wasn't for Lulu, I'd be lost. I'd be one of those crazy guys you read about in books," Kirk piped in, both Luke and Dean staring at him before glancing at each other in a stunned camaraderie.

"Kirk, I don't think you could get any weirder," Luke said.

"I guess, maybe, you could have ended up with more animals named Kirk," Dean added, trying to be helpful. "That would have made you crazier."

"Yes, it was a sad day when Lulu decided Cat Kirk had to go, Dog Kirk isn't over it but Hamster Kirk is thrilled. His joyous wheel running would keep mother awake, if she was still alive," Kirk replied, as Luke darted into the store room. Dean watched him go, envious, as he tried to hold in his own laughter. Which wasn't a problem when the door to the dinner flew open, the ringing of the bell clanging with the violence of it. Trying to swallow, Dean took a deep breath at the sight of a furious Shane striding his direction. Her eyes, a stormy grey, were outlined in more eye makeup than he'd ever seen on her, including high school. War paint, he decided, and he was the enemy. Putting his hands on the table, he began to push himself into a stand.

"Don't, don't you move. You're going to sit there and listen. I've been sick a long time, so it took me a while. It took me a while to reach a hundred percent, and maybe I'm not there yet, but I'm myself enough to not let you get away with this. You're hurting my girls, and I won't stand for it. You can either go back to being the great guy who spent months with us, or you can explain to them why you've abandoned them. I thought you were different. I thought you would be a good male role model for them. Hell, I thought you actually cared about them. They thought you did too, and that's what hurts them the most. Veronica is scared you're not going to finish her room. She said she'd even do it in your favorite color, if it would make you come back. But more than that, she misses you. She misses helping you, spending time with you."

"Shane, I," Dean tried to interrupt.

"Shut the fuck up, I'm not done. Kat," Shane swallowed hard before continuing, "Kat is trying to hate you. She wants to hate you. She wants to hate all men. You, her dad, the stories she's overheard about her grandfather and the way he treated me and my mom… She's shutting down, and I can't reach her. She's too young to be so jaded. All Bianca does is cry. She sits upstairs, in the beautiful room you created for them, and cries. God, Dean. You may not want anything to do with me, but please, please don't do this to my kids," Shane realized she was begging, squared her shoulders and glared again. "You tell them. You go there, you finish Veronica's room, and you tell them why you're abandoning them. Why you're saying goodbye." Turning on her heel, Shane left a floored diner in her wake.

"Yeah. Did I mention you're an idiot?" Luke asked, as he wiped the counter down.


	9. Chapter 9- Knots and Imperfections

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Nine: Knots and Imperfections

Dean knew Shane was right about her girls. He also knew now, for sure, he loved her. No holds barred. When she walked out of the diner, all the hope he held in his heart for his future went with her, followed her right out the door. He couldn't move, despite Luke's snarking. Despite Babette and Kirk running from the diner to tell everyone what they'd heard. Abruptly, he stood, chair crashing to the floor. Picking it up, he turned and nodded at Luke before leaving the diner. Walking down the street, he was oblivious to Garret's eyes following him from Truncheon 2. Laughing, Garret turned to Jess.

"Guess who's back?"

"Who?" Jess asked, moving to the window, and smirking. "Call Lorelai, tell her Prince Dean seems to be back. Look at him walk. What do you think his stride length is?"

"Man I wish this town still used horses!" Garret said, picturing Dean galloping to Shane's on a trusty white stead.

Reaching Shane's house, Dean didn't knock. He walked in, glanced at Shane's angry expression, and ignored her. He wanted to sweep her up off the couch into his arms and kiss her into senselessness. He didn't. He took the steps two at a time and checked the girls' rooms. Moving to the attic, he opened their door and entered, his eyes zeroing in on Kat seated at the far end on the window seat. Slowing his pace at the expression in her eyes, he grabbed a chair and carried it to her. Sitting down, in front of her, he was unaware of Bianca and Veronica standing behind a curtain, watching with huge eyes. Kat may not have been talking to her mom, but they'd been hearing an earful. So they waited to see what was going to happen.

"Kat. Your mom came to see me today. You'll probably hear about it in town. She yelled at me. And, I deserved it," Dean stood and began to pace back and forth in front of Kat. She watched him with wary eyes. She'd turned seven last week, she was supposed to have a party, but she told her mom she didn't want one. She didn't want to celebrate when everyone around her was sad. She said she wanted to wait till school started, and then have a party, invite the whole class. Her mom knew the truth. Her mom fixed her favorite dishes, and they stayed up late, just the two of them, watching animated movies. Yesterday, she'd overheard her mom tell Rory and Lorelai she was old beyond her years. She figured it meant she acted twelve, or even thirteen.

"She yelled at me because I was ignoring you girls. And I was. You didn't do anything to deserve the way I was treating you. It wasn't you, and I'm sorry," Dean sat down in front of her again. "See, the thing is, God, how do I put this in a way you'll understand?" he ran his hand through his hair, anxious.

"Garret said you were running. He said you were a stupid head and you were running," Kat said, then looked guilty. "He didn't really say you were a stupid head, but he did say you were running. Why were you running from us?"

"A stupid head? I guess I deserve it. Yeah. I was running, not from you. Not really. I was running from myself. See, all my life I've wanted a real family. I just knew I couldn't have one. I felt like I was getting too close to you guys, like it was going to hurt too much when I couldn't be part of your lives anymore. So, like a stupid head, instead of saying something to you, I tried to disappear. Here's the deal though. Once I get Veronica's room done, I won't be around much anymore. But, I do still want to be friends. We're friends right?" Dean watched Kat's eyes as he spoke. He was glad to see them soften. Apparently, being honest worked. He wondered if Bianca and Veronica would be as accepting.

"Friends? Okay. So you won't be here at night to read to me? Help us with our homework?"

"Maybe we can meet sometimes at Luke's?" Dean said, brushing her hair away from her eyes as she looked at the floor.

"Yeah, maybe. That sounds good. So you and mom, you're not going to date each other?"

"I don't think your mom likes me like that, but it won't change the way I think about you girls. You're special, and I'm glad I've gotten to know you. So, what do you say about trying to convince your sister into a better color than hot pink for her room?" Dean asked, seeing Veronica peeking out from a curtain.

"She doesn't want hot pink anymore," Kat said, smiling at last. Dean raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"She doesn't? What color does she want?"

"I want this!" Veronica yelled, running out from behind the curtain with one of the plates Emily Gilmore had given them. It was white with pink and yellow flowers on a green leaf vine. Dean looked at it, relieved it was something pretty.

"Niiice…" he said, drawing it out, "You could paint your room a really pale pink, like in this flower, and then, maybe Garret could paint the flowers for us on the white woodwork?"

"Then it'd still be pink!" Veronica said, before throwing herself into Dean's arms for a hug. He patted her on the back awkwardly, before giving her a squeeze and turning his attention to Bianca.

"How about you, Bianca? Do you forgive me for disappearing?" Bianca looked at Kat, and seeing her nod, smiled at Dean.

"It's okay. I get scared too. Will you still help me with my numbers?" she asked.

"I will. I promise," Dean said, holding his arms out for her. He was surprised when Kat joined in on the group hug, and as he squeezed the three of them, a reflection of movement in the window caught his eye. Turning his head, he saw Shane slip out the door.


	10. Chapter 10- Heart Shake

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Ten: Heart Shake

"I have to go talk to your mom now, she needs an explanation too," Dean said, reluctant to go downstairs.

"Good luck," Kat said, serious and worried. She knew, no matter what Dean said, if the talk didn't go well, Dean might not be back. Her mom might not let him.

"You can stay here if you want, she's really mad," Bianca added. Veronica giggled before skipping off down the room to the tea set.

"No, I'd better face the music. This is a special place, but it shouldn't be a hiding place from problems.

"Mom said you should never hide from your problems, but face them fearlessly like an Amazon," Kat said.

"Courageous and Strong! We learned that in Girl Scouts," Bianca added. "It's part of the Law."

"It's good advice. Thanks, and wish me luck," Dean said before patting Veronica on the head and moving to the steps. A chorus of good luck ringing in his ears.

Shane was sitting on the porch swing, pushing herself back and forth with her toes. Thinking. Wondering if she could do it. If she still had the guts to make the first move, to go for what she wanted. She wanted a father for her girls. She was also attracted to Dean, but she always put her girls first, and her own feelings- secondary. She hadn't looked at them too closely, she hadn't evaluated them. She'd learned a long time ago, feeling too much hurt. Opening yourself up, hurt. She'd tried it when she met the girl's dad, and look how the relationship turned out. No, it was better to be removed from emotion. It was better to be clinical. To make the right choices, arrange things to suit yourself. It's how she survived high school after her dad died. How she hooked up with Jess, very effectively distancing herself from everyone around her, since Jess didn't hang with anyone. And then after, with other guys like Jess. Plus, she filled her need for physical contact and validation after years of emotional abuse. It's how she always survived, until her girls. With them, she could be as loving and as warm as she wanted. She wanted more for them than what she had as a child. Hearing Dean's footsteps stop on the porch, she patted the seat next to her.

"Sit, there's no way I can look up at you from down here," she said. Dean sat next to her, and pushed off with his feet, swinging them gently.

"I talked to the girls. I think they understand. When I'm done with Veronica's room, I still want to see them. Meet you guys at Luke's or the park or something. Shane," Dean said before she interrupted him.

"Listen Dean, I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm sure you have reason for pulling away, I hope it wasn't anything I did."

"No! Shane, in the diner you said I didn't want to have anything to do with you. That's not true. I just," sidetracked by Luke's words, Dean paused, thinking.

"You just what?" Shane asked, making the decision to go for it, to make a move. Reaching over, she picked up Dean's hand. Entwining her fingers with his, hearing his indrawn breath, she looked over. He was so good. A good man, dependable, responsible. Respectful.

"I've made a lot of mistakes. I don't want to make them with you. And because of the girls. I don't want to do anything which would hurt them. So I thought it would be best to distance myself."

"Isn't it my risk to take? You're making decisions for me and my girls. It's my job, not yours. My decision. Not yours. Here's the deal. I think you're great with the girls. Better with them than their own father, who's only seen them once since Veronica was born. He has a new family, and the girls have anger issues because of it. I want them to have a strong male role model in their lives, and I want it to be you. Lorelai's right. You're a prince. The closest thing to one anyway, and they need you. Dean, would you like to go to diner sometime? With me?"

"Yes, but not for the girls, Shane. Don't make any mistakes about it. I want to have dinner with you because of who you are, because of how I feel about you. Not because you're their mother," Dean said, drawing small circles on her hand with his thumb. He looked over at her as he spoke, and caught the flash of something in her eyes. Narrowing his, he let go of her hand, and turned her direction. "Did you only ask me out because of the girls? To provide them with a father figure?" The blank look in her eyes scared him. He couldn't believe it. He'd fallen so completely for her. Standing, he towered over her. "Do you feel anything for me? Want me? Do you care for me at all?" Shane didn't say anything in response, so Dean shook his head slowly and turned away. "I'll finish Veronica's room," he added before stuffing his hands in his pockets and leaving.


	11. Chapter 11- Dovetailed

A/N- I'm a little worried about this chapter. I wrote a character I hadn't attempted before and I think it's what she would say, and how she'd say it, but I'm not sure if it reads that way!

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Eleven- Dovetailed

It was almost dark. Kat had been out twice, and the girls were completing their bedtime rituals. Shane stayed on the porch swing, knees drawn up to her chest. She stared off into the distance. When he asked if she cared for him at all, her mind had gone blank. Now she sat out here with only one thought in her head. How could she have messed everything up so horribly?

"Mom? Can I run to the store? We don't have Veronica's toothpaste and she won't use mine or Bianca's," Kat said. Glancing up, Shane looked down the street at Doose's. There was a clear shot, quite a few people in the square still, and the way was well lit with Taylor's twinkle lights.

"Sure sweetie, there and back, the money is in my purse."

"Okay," Kat said. She was worried about her mom. She knew whatever her mom and Dean had talked about wasn't good. Running down the block to the store, Kat ran full tilt into the scariest woman in Stars Hollow.

"Watch where you are going," Mrs. Kim said. "It isn't proper to run around town square in the dark. Your mother should have taught you this. Who is your mother?" Mrs. Kim asked, holding onto Kat's shoulders.

"Shane Farnsworth, ma'am. My name is Kat."

"Cat, like the feline? Why would your mother name you after an animal. No matter, can't change it now, what's done is done. Why are you running?"

"I need to buy toothpaste," Kat said, not taking the time to explain her name. She wanted to get out of the conversation as quick as possible. She didn't want to worry her mom.

"Dental hygiene is important. You may go," Mrs. Kim said, watching the little girl walk into the market. A couple of minutes later, Kat came out with her paper bag. "Let me see," Mrs. Kim added, taking the bag from Kat. "Good choice. This product works well, cleans and refreshes. Time to go."

"You're coming with me? Am I in trouble?" Kat asked chewing on her bottom lip.

"No trouble, lots of strangers in town tonight. There's a bus broken down. I'll take you home." Approaching the house, Mrs. Kim understood why Kat was acting so nervous. "You go inside, get ready for bed. Remember to always brush for at least two minutes," she said, sending the little girl into the house, and standing on the sidewalk.

"Mrs. Kim, Kat wasn't any trouble was she?" Shane asked, forcing herself to focus.

"No, no trouble at all. Why are you sitting out here? Are you sick?"

"No, I'm fine," Shane replied.

"You do not look fine. You look anything but fine. Is something wrong with one of your girls?" Mrs. Kim replied.

"Nothing, I'm fine, the girls are fine."

"Nonsense. You have the same face as Lane when she's upset. Now tell me," Mrs. Kim demanded. Shane watched Mrs. Kim carefully, wondering why the hell all these people were involving themselves in her life. Sighing, she knew the answer. This was Stars Hollow. They always involved themselves, and the cancer had made the town's protective instincts even stronger. She got the feeling Mrs. Kim wasn't moving until she talked, and on the plus side, she was thinking entire thoughts now. She wasn't stuck on-

"I screwed up. I couldn't answer him and he left," Shane said.

"Who, who left?"

"Dean."

"What did he ask you?" Mrs. Kim moved her way up the steps on the porch to sit down next to Shane. Normally, she liked to have these talks at her kitchen table with one cup of her secret stash. "Do not swing this chair, I do not like chairs which move. Chairs should be stable. Like husbands."

"He asked me if I was only looking for a father for the girls. If I cared for him," Shane replied, looking down at her hands.

"A father is important. Dean would make a good father. I see nothing wrong. Do you have feelings for this man?"

"I don't know. I try to avoid feelings."

"That is the smart thing for a woman in your position to do. Especially when there are children involved," Mrs. Kim added.

"Yes. He. I."

"Do not stutter. Do you see yourself with this man? When there are no children in the house? Do you trust him? When you are in his presence, how does he make you feel. These are all questions you must ask yourself. Try praying. The Lord is there to guide you. Sitting here causing your child worry is helping no-one. You will know what you must do," Mrs. Kim said, standing, nodding at Shane and then leaving her to her thoughts. Shane resumed staring ahead. Mrs. Kim was right, she shouldn't worry her children. She needed to approach this logically. Take the kids out of the equation, because Dean walking away made her crash. She needed to know why. Standing, she moved into the house, checking on her girls, tucking them in and confirming plans for tomorrow's trip to the park. After kissing them goodnight, she moved into the living room, turned on the T.V. for background noise and thought about Mrs. Kim's questions.

Could she see herself with Dean? At first glance, he didn't seem like her type, but he was. He was forthright. Sexy as hell, built, and although he was the all-American boy, there was a hint of danger. He favored leather coats and motorcycles. Even as a teen, you knew he could take care of himself. So yeah, she could see herself with him. Plus he was the whole package. A bit of spice on top of all his great character traits. The same traits which would make him a great dad. She could see herself growing old with him. They liked the same T.V. shows, and movies. Similar tastes in music. He read more than she did, but she had her secret stash of romance novels hidden in a drawer upstairs. All in all, they were pretty compatible. And the butterflies she got whenever he was close, told her there was some physical chemistry too. Hell, the man radiated heat under his Boy Scout appearance.

Did she trust him? Trickier. Did she trust anybody? Really? No. Not really. Everyone let you down, everyone lied. She didn't think he'd cheat though. Despite what happened with Rory. He shouldn't have married Lindsey in the first place, he was too young. And she'd trust him with her girls. To keep her girl's hearts safe. Standing, Shane went upstairs to the attic, and curled up on the window seat. The work he'd done in her house showcased Dean's personality. He had to have been floored when Jess showed up at his door. They hadn't really spoken since high school, and back then, they were like dogs fighting over a bone. Mrs. Patty said when Jess mentioned his plan to Luke in the diner, they thought Dean would slam the door in Jess's face. After punching him. Instead, Dean stepped up to help. He went above and beyond his original plans, creating a beautiful home. She missed him.

Whoa.

She missed him. It hurt when he pretty much accused her of not caring. It hurt when he walked away. She was already hurt and she wasn't even involved with him. Standing, she walked the length of the room and back. Absently running her hands down the material Lorelai had draped. How had this happened? What if she didn't see him again after he finished Veronica's room? Sinking to the floor, tears ran down her cheeks, running her eyeliner and mascara. The idea of it hurt, burned, but didn't it mean it would be worth it? If she felt so much right now, in this moment? Without ever having kissed him? Springing to her feet, she ran down the steps and grabbed her phone.

"Mom? Can you come sit with the girls? I need to take care of something."


	12. Chapter 12- Heartwood

A/N- All done!

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Twelve- Heartwood

"Thanks for coming so quick and watching the girls, mom. Wish me luck," Shane said, shutting the door behind her and turning to leave the house. Stopping in her tracks at the sight of Dean, one foot on the porch step.

"I was coming to see you. Can we talk?" Dean asked, surprised by Shane leaving the house at this time of night. "Or, were you going somewhere?"

"I was coming to see you," Shane said. Floored by the rush of emotion. Dean was looking at her strangely, and she knew there was a goofy grin on her face. But she couldn't stop smiling. He was here. He came back. He wasn't going to let her go. Everything swelled up inside her, and she knew what people meant when they said they were so happy they could burst.

"Wait. Did you say you were coming to see me?" Dean asked, confused by Shane's smile. He had the urge to pick her up and swing her around in his arms, but he didn't know why. Except, she was coming to see him. Seeking him out for the second time. "You weren't coming to yell at me again, where you?"

"Do I look like I was going to yell? Is there somewhere we can go? To talk?" Shane asked, moving forward and reaching out. Dean took another step and without thinking, caught her hand in his. Both looked down at their hands, and Shane could barely hear Dean speak over the blood rushing through her ears.

"Do you want to head to my place? Or the diner if you prefer. We could talk there," Dean said, hoping the words didn't sound garbled. He was having a hard time keeping a coherent thought, other than she wanted to see him.

"Wouldn't the diner be closed? We can go to your place."

Dean paused as he unlocked the door to his apartment, hoping he hadn't left anything embarrassing out. Not that he had much to be worried about, it's not like he had a giant porn collection, and he was pretty good about putting his dirty clothes in the hamper.

"Are we going in?" Shane asked, unsure of why they were stopped in the hall. Had Dean changed his mind?

Looking down into Shane's eyes, Dean gave in. Capturing her lips with his, he moved his mouth over hers, gentle, hesitant. It was a simple kiss. Not deep, or filled with passion. Just the soft, smooth warmth of his lips brushing against hers. It left Shane clutching at Dean's shirt, her legs barely holding her up. Dean was in much the same state as he pulled away, clearing his throat. So much had been said with one meeting of lips. Promises. Thinking he'd better lean against something, he let himself tip backwards, forgetting he'd unlocked and started opening the door. It was a long fall, straight down onto his butt. He barely had time to put his hands down, and only as he caught himself, did he realize Shane was following him to the floor. Her hand still grasping his shirt. Lying on top of him, Shane caught her breath as Dean wrapped his arms around her.

"Sorry, I guess I grabbed on, I didn't mean to fall on you," Shane said, thinking she should try to get up, but Dean was holding her to him, and he was so warm.

"It's okay, I like this. Although, my neighbors might not. We should probably move inside to talk."

"You're right, but, I'm comfortable," Shane said, letting her head rest against Dean's chest. Dean ran his hands over her waist before moving her off and lifting her into his arms. He carried her into his apartment, kicked his door shut behind him, and sat down on his couch. Cradled in his arms, Shane looked up into Dean's warm eyes. Tonight they were more green than hazel.

"I froze, earlier I mean. I don't let myself care easily, my dad taught me early on to not care," Shane said, trying to explain. Dean rested his chin on her head, tucking her in closer to him.

"How, I mean, you can tell me about him if you're ready. I want to know everything."

"I guess what you need to know is- he taught me not to show my feelings, but my mom taught me to love. Although for a long time I was stupid and thought she was weak. In reality, it took great strength for her to show me affection against his wishes. Hell, against my wishes. You see, to begin with, he was nice to me. I was his Lil' Darlin', and he only belittled her. Tore her down. Told her she deserved the beatings," Shane said, stopping a minute to gear up for the next part.

"In front of you?" Dean asked, wanting Shane to continue.

"Yeah. He'd say 'Why can't you be more like your daughter?' and God help me, Dean, but I'd feel pride. So the day he turned on me, because I couldn't figure out a story problem, it took me down a notch. And he didn't let up, it was as if he'd thrown a switch. By the end of the week, I was devastated. And lost, everything was suddenly upside down. After he left one day, she snuck into my room, and held me while I cried. I said I was sorry, over and over again. She soothed me, saying 'I know baby, I know. I love you sweetie.' She had never hated me for believing she was worthless, for buying into his abuse."

"What happened then?"

"Then I grew up. I grew up and started shutting down. He got worse. He told me he'd kill her, if I told anyone about the physical abuse. He told her he'd kill me, if she said anything. We were trapped. When the police came and told us he was dead, we didn't say anything to each other. For me, it was because I was scared it was a dream. I went numb. Totally numb. It took a while before I believed it, even after the funeral. Then, suddenly I was free, but I didn't know what to do or how to act, and I was closed off from everyone. So I started messing around, so I could feel something, anything. But it was like I was always looking down on myself, like I wasn't really there," Shane said.

"You must have changed along the line, because with your girls, you're an open and loving woman."

"It took a while. My ex did a few things right. While we were dating, he pushed me into dealing with my dad's abuse and death. I'll always be grateful to him, and unfortunately, I mistook gratitude for love. Plus, I was in love with the idea of being loved and in love. I don't regret it, because I got my girls out of the relationship, even though it didn't last. Things were bad before I became pregnant with Veronica. He was spending more and more time where he grew up, helping his parents. Our relationship ended after she was born. He admitted there was another woman he loved, had always loved," At some point during her talk, Dean had begun massaging the back of her neck, and running his fingers across her buzzed hair. The feel of his hand on her head was making her toes curl. It was almost ticklish, but not quite, and definitely a turn on. The nerve endings on her neck were super sensitized. Tingling. She shifted in his lap, smiling slightly at the sound of him stifling a moan.

While she waited for her mom to come watch the kids, every cheesy inspirational saying she'd ever heard had flooded her mind, and she had made a decision. She was going to jump, leap, dance, sing, give it a hundred and ten percent, live like there was no tomorrow, and be in it completely. Because the good times with Dean were going to be incredible, and worth any later possible heartache. They had to be, real love existed, she knew it did. And even if it didn't work out in the long run, she'd have these minutes to look back on, to treasure. So sighing into his shirt, she soaked in the moment. If surviving cancer had taught her anything, it was to enjoy the little events. That life was a series of minutes. Implementing her new found strategy might be harder, but damn if she wasn't going to try to enjoy her heart.

"Dean, I do want you in my life. And, I care for you. Hell, when you walked away, after Mrs. Kim told me to think, I realized," Shane trailed off as she felt Dean's arms stiffen around her, looking up into his eyes, she lost herself a little, forgetting what she was going to say.

"What, what did you realize, Shane?" Dean asked after clearing his throat. He knew they needed to talk, but he wanted to kiss her again. She was driving him crazy, and he wasn't sure if she even knew.

"I realized I might already love you."

He'd been looking in her eyes, which were a silvery blue tonight, and wasn't sure if he'd heard her right. The beginnings of panic, in her expression, brought him out of his daze. Crashing his lips to hers, he kissed her, letting his hunger take control. Shane's desire was equal to his own, there was nothing reserved or held back. She turned, straddling him, pressing herself against him as she tried to get closer. Dean ran his hands up her sides, brushing his fingers across her breast. Shane scrambled off his lap at the realization she was pushing her chest against his. Her deformed, scarred chest, and that he had touched her there. Dean stood, stepping toward her.

"Shane? Did I move too fast? I'm sorry, I just, are you okay? What's wrong?" Dean asked, scared to move closer. Shane looked ready to bolt, then surprised. She began to laugh.

"Okay, now I'm confused," Dean said, holding his hands out in a "what the hell" gesture. Collapsing into the armchair opposite the couch, Shane continued to laugh. Dean sat on the couch again, and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Trying to scowl, but he couldn't. She was too beautiful when she laughed.

"Sorry, it's, you,"

"It's me? I make you run and then laugh hysterically?" Dean huffed and Shane realized she needed to actually get some words out, before he got angry and stormed away.

"No, it isn't you. It's the fact you don't have a clue. Not because you don't have a clue, but because you don't care. No, that's not what I meant," Shane said, seeing the anger in the set of Dean's jaw. "I mean, you didn't notice."

"Didn't notice what?"

"You didn't notice that you were only touching one breast," Shane said, almost whispering, her laughter gone. Dean met her eyes evenly. Not letting her look away.

"Shane, you have to know, I think you're beautiful. You have a great body. I looked at pictures. On-line. I know what to expect." Standing, Dean moved to crouch in front of her, taking her hands in his, he pressed his palms against hers. "Your hands are so small compared to mine. Even this, gets me worked up." Shane pictured his hands on her body, and heat rushed to her center.

"You weren't turned off? By the pictures?"

"No, some of them were actually pretty cool, because of the tattoos. I guess it's kind of a thing, to get the tattoos, like a badge of honor or something. I want to make love to you. I want you to know, though," taking a deep breath, Dean forged on, "I know I love you. I've loved you for a while now. And I know I haven't always been a good bet, but I promise you, the way I feel for you is different, and I'm different," Dean said, running his fingers down her cheek and neck, resting his hand above her heart, feeling it race.

"You don't have to make me that promise, Dean. I already know. You're a good man, and right now, I want you to take me to your room and lay me down on your bed. I want to show you how I feel about you, and soon, very soon, I want you to come home."

"Home?" Dean asked, searching Shane's eyes with his own. Making sure her heart and mind agreed.

"Home, our home, Yours, mine and the girls," Shane said wrapping her arms around his neck and enjoying the feeling of his arms around her as he carried her into the bedroom. "And bring your furniture too, those were the most comfortable chairs I've ever sat in."

"People are going to say this is happening too fast. I think we should have at least a couple of dates before I move in, and if I do, you'll have to marry me," Dean said, wanting her to know how real this was for him. Then he waited for her to stiffen in his arms or run away. Instead, she placed small kisses on his neck.

"Sounds like a plan. I'll see if Lorelai will make me a dress."


End file.

Gilmore Girls, Romance