Avengers 1. Chapter 1

**Exactly what the summary says. Just a lot of connected one-shots about science bros becoming science bros.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.  
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Chapter One: A Proposition

The coffee shop was quiet. Not that that was unusual. The place was old; slightly crumbling brick and outdated furniture was proof of that. It most certainly wasn't a shiny new Dunkin' Donuts, which so many New Yorkers seemed fond of. In fact, business was so slow that there were only two baristas in employment: the owner, who had inherited the shop from her deceased parents, and her good friend.

Shortly after her parents' death, Kristine was fired from her job as a secretary for no other reason but that she stopped coming to work in mini skirts and dresses, favoring slacks. As a recent college graduate, the painful truth was that jobs were hard to come by. She lacked experience in the eyes of her employers. So, when her parents' coffee shop was given to her, well, she needed an income. No matter how many unwanted memories the shop brought back. With the help of her friend Rae, she was determined to run the shop and sustain herself. Unfortunately, slow business meant a lack of money. A lack of money meant the shop may soon face foreclosure.

At the moment, Kristine was reading a book and tapping a beat with one hand on the chipped wood of the counter. There were two customers drinking coffee lazily, as per usual: one elderly lady that liked to people watch sat by the shop while a young man worked on this laptop, making sure to sit next to the register in case he was in need of a refill.

This had been a noon routine for the past two weeks. So, it's no wonder that Kristine was startled when she was rudely ripped out of the world of Frankenstein by the sound of the bell above the door ringing.

Two men walked in, one talking animatedly and the other listening silently with a small smirk playing about his lips. Upon further inspection, Kristine realized that the man talking had a very recognizable gotee. He was in fact, the Tony Stark! He was wearing a blue suit and a tie, all of which probably cost more than the coffee shop on their own. Surprisingly, the other customers didn't seem to notice the celebrity.

She couldn't identify the other man, though she did notice that he seemed a bit awkward. Like he wasn't comfortable being around other people. His shoulders were slightly hunched and he was staring at the ground.

Tony Stark was the exact opposite, as was to be expected based on tabloids and interviews Kristine had seen on the billionaire. He was bursting with energy, using his hands while he talked and grinning behind his sunglasses.

Both men approached the counter, peering at the menu behind Kristine.

"Can I help you?" She asked as calmly as she could manage.

Obviously some of her excitement showed because Stark flashed her a smile and laughed lightly. "Hey sweetheart. I'll have an espresso. Largest size you've got."

She blushed. "Of course. Um...are you Tony Stark?"

His grin widened. "In the flesh. What gave it away, doll?"

"T-the goatee." She blushed. "Wow. I can't believe you're actually here! You helped save New York! You're a hero!"

"Don't tell him that, you'll just feed his ego." The other man said jokingly.

"Oh gosh, I'm sorry! I'm so flustered. Is there something I can get for you, sir?"

"No coffee for me, thank you." The mystery man answered with a small smile that implied he knew something she didn't. "Do you, um, carry tea?"

"Yes sir. We serve Tazo brand and carry berry, green, and hibiscus." Kristine frowned apologetically. "I'm sorry about the limited selection." She really did wish they carried a larger variety, but financially it wasn't possible right now.

"No, no green is perfect. Thanks." He responded, reaching into his pocket as he did so.

"Ok. Will you be paying separately?"

"Separately."

"I'm paying."

Kristine eyed the two men curiously. They were both staring at each other, locked in a silent battle of wits.

"Stark," The man broke the silence, shifting uncomfortably in his slacks.

"Bruce, you saved my life. I think you earned the right to call me Tony. Honestly." He shook his head in exaggerated dismay. "This is nothing. I'm a billionaire, remember? So don't think much of it."

"...Alright Sta-Tony." Bruce sighed. "Thank you."

"Holy fuck! It's Tony Stark!"

Kristine rubbed her temples as Tony Stark and Bruce looked behind the counter and all the way to the right. Rae had chosen that moment to be done with her lunch break in the small room in the back.

The lady who was people watching didn't flinch. The man on his laptop however, took off his headphones and glanced at them before putting them back over his ears and turning back to his laptop.

"Kristine," Rae gasped. "Iron Man is in our coffee shop!"

"First of all, it's technically my coffee shop. And second of all, you are going to scare him away."

The billionaire just grinned. "Hey, don't worry about it. It's the proper reaction when you're in a fantastic situation. The fantastic situation being me of course."

"And you saved his life?!" Rae exclaimed, turning on Bruce.

"In a...matter of speaking."

"This is exactly what we need to bring publicity to the shop." Rae exclaimed as if surprised by her own genius. "Would you be willing to do something like that for us? We're about to be foreclosed on...telling the paparazzi you were here once could get us the publicity needed to save it!" She asked, eyes wide. This could be their ticket.

"Honestly girls, my friend and I came here for the quiet. Calling the paparazzi would defeat the purpose...however," he paused to bring something out of the inside of his suit jacket. Kristine and Rae nearly fainted when they realized it was a checkbook. "I can make keeping things quiet worth your while." He continued as he wrote a check and slid it on the counter to Kristine.

The girl's eyes widened in shock at the insane amount of money.

"All you have to do is keep our visits a secret and stay in business so we can come back next time we need quiet. Deal?"

Kristine nodded her head numbly as Rae peaked over her shoulder and gasped.

"Good!"

"I-I'll bring you your drinks when they're ready." Kristine squeaked, eyes still on the check.

"Thank you." Bruce nodded before following Tony Stark to the table in the far corner of the room.m,k

"Holy shit." Rae breathed.

All Kristine could do was nod.

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"This seems like an awful lot of trouble to 'just grab a cup of coffee'." Bruce joked.

"Look, Bruce. You should stay in New York." Tony said nonchalantly while examining the crumbling brick the wall nearest to him was made of.

Bruce blinked. That had come out of nowhere. "...Why?"

"You're a brilliant man, Doctor Banner. And that's coming from me. I don't give compliments lightly. You've obviously got the Other Guy under control. You were doing good in wherevertheheckistan before Rock of Ages tried to take over, but you could be doing so much more by conducting research in a lab with materials that are actually from this century. We could use you in the R&D department, Bruce."

Bruce stared in shock. Tony couldn't be serious. "...What?"

Tony sighed. "Are you really going to make me spell it out for you? I want you to come work for Stark Industries."

"Tony...it's a great opportunity-"

"I sense a 'but'. I don't like buts. Unless they're connected to the hips of beautiful women, though I doubt it in this context."

Bruce shook his head. "Tony I can't. The Other Guy-"

"Isn't a problem!" The billionaire insisted.

"I'd be a liability. You'd have to inform the staff about me. I don't think you want that. People would quit left and right. And what happens when people who are after me find out I'm working for you? They might come to the building. You don't want that kind of publicity, and I don't want the army experimenting on me. It's just not a good idea, Tony."

"S.H.I.E.L.D. is protecting you, remember? And who says anyone needs to know? I can give you your own lab away from other employees. Hell, I can even Hulk proof the damn thing if you want!"

Bruce gave him a pointed look before turning to the woman who was placing their drinks in front of them at that exact moment. She was wearing an apron over a white shirt and staring at them curiously.

"Here are your drinks..." She hesitated a moment before asking Tony, "you know the Hulk, right?"

"Of course I know him. We fought together, and he saved my life during the alien invasion. Bruce knows him better than I do, though."

The woman looked to Bruce and then back at Tony. "A lot of people seem to save your life, Mr. Stark." She grinned. "Anyway, could you tell him thank you for me? He saved my life during the invasion. I mean, all of the Avengers saved New York, but the Hulk personally saved my life. If you see any of them, thank them for me. But if you get a chance, I'd really appreciate it if you could tell the Hulk that 'Red Girl' says thank you."

"S-sure." Bruce answered aghast. "You're the girl in the red shirt? He liked you. A lot. What exactly happened between you two?"

"My real name is Kristine, by the way. Did he tell you about me?" The barista asked in surprise.

Bruce's eyes widened as he realized his mistake. The truth was, he knew the Other Guy liked her because she was one of the few things he remembered about the invasion. Everything the Other Guy felt or did came in fragments and was distorted. And that was if Bruce was able to glean anything. Usually, Bruce saw the things that the Hulk had strong emotional ties to. For example, he remembered the Hulk catching Tony after he flew the nuke into space.

The physicist blushed. "Yeah. He mentioned you." It was kind of true, in a way. "But he couldn't really explain what happened."

Kristine nodded her head in understanding. "He's not the most articulate person in the world."

Bruce froze. Did she just call the Hulk a person?

Tony caught his expression and smirked triumphantly. He was being oddly quiet. He didn't dare interrupt this girl when she was so excellently making a case for his earlier argument. Bruce needed to realize that the Other Guy wasn't a problem and shouldn't be treated as one.

"Well, I was running over to a deli a few blocks over to get Rae and myself sandwiches. Rae is the girl who freaked out earlier. Anyway, it was while I was walking down the street that the aliens attacked. I hid in an abandoned building for a while, but they eventually got inside and started shooting. That's when Hulk burst through the building and killed all of the aliens."

"You weren't scared of him?"

"I was at first, but it was obvious he was trying to protect me. He asked me 'Red Girl ok?' I was kind of confused but then I realized he was talking about me. So I told him yes. He nodded and jumped out of the building again. I called after him and told him to be careful. I realized later that I didn't even thank him."

"You told him to be careful." Bruce shook his head in awe. "That's a big deal. You really weren't afraid of him?"

"Of course I was! He's huge! But he protected me. He's a hero. You can't truly fear a hero, can you?" She smiled. "I'll leave you two alone now. Thank you for everything."

Tony waited until the barista was out of earshot before grinning smugly. "I'm petty enough to say I told you so, by the way. You heard the gal. The Big Guy's a hero, not a monster."

"Tony, there are other places I'm needed-"

"You're scared. You're afraid something is going to go wrong, so you're running. You're being a coward."

Bruce was shocked into silence. He wasn't a coward. Was he? No. He ran to protect people. That wasn't cowardice, was it? Yes, he was scared. But he had reason to be. He lived in fear of hurting the people he loved. Hell, he lived in fear of getting close enough to someone to actually love them and risk hurting them. Maybe he _was_ a coward. Still, that didn't change the fact that he truly was dangerous.

Tony was staring at him, waiting for a response.

Meeting his friend's gaze, he realized he'd been silent for far too long. He had to come up with an answer, and this internal debate was something that could be saved for a later date. That _would _be saved for a later date.

"I…" He choked out finally. "I still don't think it's a good idea, Tony. My…" He winced. "My 'cowardice' aside, I really am dangerous."

"Damn it, Banner." Tony ground out in frustration. "Take a fucking chance for once in your life!"

Bruce laughed bitterly, his grip on his cup tightening. "What, you think I've never taken a risk? You've read my file, Stark. Forgive me if I'm not too keen on taking a chance after trying out an experimental super soldier formula worked so well."

Tony paused, taken a bit off guard. "That's…a good point." He conceded with a nod. "Ok. But not all risks are bad, Bruce. And I think coming to work for Stark Industries hardly qualifies as one, anyway."

The physicist sighed. Maybe Tony had a point. The billionaire might not have any self-preservation instincts, but Tony couldn't be stupid enough to put an entire tower full of people at risk.

He'd managed to gain an immense amount of control over the Other Guy. Ross wasn't as much of a worry anymore either, since S.H.I.E.L.D. had promised to continue to keep 'other interested parties off his scent', as Natasha had so eloquently put it barely a week earlier.

"I'll think about it." He decided finally.

"That'll have to do for now!" Tony grinned, pleased if not a little disappointed he couldn't get the physicist to agree right off the bat. He quickly downed his rather large espresso in one huge gulp.

Bruce gave him a look, but decided not to comment on how bad of a caffeine rush Tony was going to experience. Though, knowing the billionaire, his tolerance was more than likely too high to allow him to experience such rushes anymore.

"Ready to blow this popsicle stand?"

"Popsicle stand?" Bruce raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Tony exclaimed indignantly. "It's a saying!"

"Of course it is."

"Wipe that smirk off your face, or I'll do it for you!"

"Alright, alright. Relax. I don't want the Other Guy coming out right now. He'd wreck this shop and I'd miss my flight."

Tony waged a finger at him and tsked. "Can't be late for your date with malaria, now can you?"

"Of course not." Bruce grinned, standing up and heading towards the door.

Tony followed, watching the physicist in front of him. If he didn't know any better, he'd think the scientist was standing a little straighter. Just a little.

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**First chapter complete! Please review! They give me the will to live...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to everyone who followed or favorited! You're wonderful! Chapter three is finished, and chapter four is well on its way. The frequent updates can be attributed to a break from school and my lack of a social life. So once I'm back at school, updates will probably take longer. (Or not. I might be underestimating the whole "no social life" part of the equation.)**

**I don't own anything but the plot, and my dreams of owning Marvel will never be realized, yadda, yadda, yadda. You know the drill.**

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Chapter 2: Bruce is Sleepy, and Tony is Persistent

Tony poked the mop of curly hair in front of him. It recoiled slightly, but he still couldn't catch a glimpse of the face underneath.

He tapped it again. "Bruce. Bruuuuce. Wake up."

"Mph."

Well, at least he groaned. Tony figured that was progress.

"Come on. Wake up, damn it!"

"Mph."

The billionaire scraped his hands down his face, letting out a groan of frustration. Time for more drastic action.

Tony stood up and moved to stand behind the slumped man.

"Bruce." He tried again, this time shaking his shoulders.

Bruce groaned. "What do you want, Tony?"

"What I want, Dr. Banner, is for you to stay conscious long enough for us to have a conversation."

Bruce sat up, resigned to his fate; Tony wasn't going to stop bothering him. He rubbed sleep from his eyes, taking in the sight of the same coffee shop they had been in last time. He vaguely remembered Tony coming into the room he had slept in at Stark Tower earlier that morning and insisting they go somewhere. He'd fallen asleep in the car, and only woke up long enough to go inside the shop and find a table so he could go back to sleep.

Propping his head on a hand so he didn't nod off again, Bruce sighed. "Why are we here?"

"Did you listen to anything I said this morning?" Tony raised an eyebrow.

"Mm. I was half awake."

"Yeah, what's with that? You're acting like you got wasted last night or something."

"It was a long battle, Tony. I'm tired."

"You slept nine hours! Dear God, man. It's not like you're pubescent anymore."

"Having your cells ripped apart and rebuilt by gamma radiation is tiring. And the longer the Other Guy is out, the harder it is for me to recover."

"Ah. Well, that would explain things."

"Mhm. Is there a reason you woke me up and pestered me to get dressed until I complied, then brought me to a coffee shop? Because I'd really like to be asleep right now."

"Do you even hear yourself? Not sleeping is what coffee is for. Wait here."

Bruce groaned, knowing it was no use trying to stop the man. Tony was up and walking in the direction of the counter, and once Tony Stark started doing something, you could be damn well sure he would finish it. And if he couldn't finish it, he'd avenge it. That is, if by avenge you mean 'pester the hell out of whoever kept him from finishing whatever it was that needed finishing'.

All things considered, Bruce decided the best course of action was to rest his head on the cool, wooden table again and catch a few more minutes of sleep.

"Ok, drink thi-Are you fucking kidding me? You're already asleep again?"

"Well, I was…I'm not anymore though, thank you very much."

"Good. Now drink this!" Tony thrust a coffee cup into Bruce's hand.

"Tony, I haven't had coffee in years."

"…What?" His mouth dropped open.

"It makes me jittery, and before I gained control over the Other Guy…well I wasn't willing to risk a hulk-out over coffee."

"So…if someone were to slip you coffee, you'd hulk-out?" Tony asked, sounding way too hopeful.

"Some teas have just as much caffeine, Tony. I'd be fine. I just never started drinking it again."

"You're kidding me, right?"

Bruce shrugged, shifting in the old, wicker chair. "It's not healthy, and I have no desire to get addicted to it again."

"Drink it. Now. Or I'm shipping your ass back to Calcutta."

Bruce rolled his eyes, but took a tentative sip. "Wow. This is sweet."

"Right?! It's called a mocha!"

"I've only ever drank black coffee…this is ridiculous. It's like a dessert."

"Just wait until you try a frappuccino."

"So anyway," The physicist began, taking another sip of his coffee. "What did you want to talk about?"

Tony paused, looking around the empty café. There were no customers other than the two Avengers. The only other people in the shop were the two baristas, who were casually spying on them from the counter.

"Have you changed your mind about staying at Stark Tower?" He asked quietly, still pretending to look around.

Bruce rolled the cup nervously in his hands. The truth was that he had given this a lot of thought. Unfortunately, he wasn't any closer to making a decision. He was torn. Part of him wanted to believe he could live a semi-normal life at Stark Tower. That he could let people close again without worrying that he'd hurt them or that they wouldn't accept him because of the Other Guy. Tony was proof that someone could accept both sides of him. But what if he hurt someone? What if Tony changed his mind? What if… There were too many what ifs in his life.

Bruce sighed, resting his head in his hand.

Tony waited patiently. That is, until Bruce started to fall asleep again.

The billionaire groaned loud enough for Bruce to start and look around before settling his gaze on him.

"Sorry." He offered sheepishly.

"Can you at least try to stay awake long enough to answer my question?"

"I…I don't know, Tony. There's an awful lot at risk if I say yes."

"But you're considering it?"

"…Yes. I'm considering it."

"What if I told you that Fury is requiring all of the Avengers to live in the tower?"

Bruce raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Apparently it took us too long to respond yesterday. You know, with you being in India-"

"Africa, actually."

He waved his hand in a gesture that said whatever. "Thor in Ass-guard-"

"Asgard." Bruce interrupted, catching the way the billionaire stressed the beginning of the word.

Tony stopped to give him a glare.

"Right. Continue. I won't interrupt again."

"Thank you. Then there was Steve not knowing how to answer his cell phone, and the two assassins doing the nasty in Budapest. It took us a long time to assemble."

"I guess he has a point. By the time we all got to the battle, Doom had already invaded the UN."

"Don't remind me. That whole thing was a clusterfuck."

"…A wh-you know what? I don't even want to know."

"A clusterfuck! You know, just one big, fucking mess."

"I said I didn't want to know."

"You need to get with the hip jargon, Doc!"

"Mhm."

"Back to the point. Are you going to stay at the tower?"

Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. His eyes were puffy with sleep, and he obviously hadn't shaved. He looked tired and disheveled. Yet, he seemed to become even more exhausted, his shoulders drawing in on themselves, as he contemplated Fury's new order. "I don't see how I have a choice now."

"Bruce," Tony said gently, placing an arm on the distressed man's shoulder. "You always have a choice. You don't have to do what Mace Windu tells you to."

He ignored that last bit, not knowing how exactly Tony was insulting Fury this time and not caring to find out. "I don't know, Tony. I…want to."

"But?"

Bruce smiled softly. "Why do you assume there's a 'but'?"

"We've been over this, haven't we? There's always a 'but'. Always." The genius winked.

"How did you manage to make that suggestive? It doesn't even make sense."

"It's a gift, I suppose."

"Uh huh." He sat in thought, unconsciously taking a sip of his coffee. "I want to. But I'm still afraid I'll hurt someone."

"There's the 'but'. Look," Tony began, his demeanor sobering considerably. "We can take care of Big Green. And that's if you lose control, which you won't… Did Cap even tell you what happened yesterday?"

"Yesterday?"

"During the battle. The Hulk shielded several civilians from gunfire."

"Did he, now?"

"You've got to start giving him more credit. He isn't a monster."

The physicist pinched the bridge of his nose as he processed this. "…Ok."

"Ok you'll give him more credit, or ok you'll live in the tower?"

Bruce looked up at the man in front of him. Tony had his snarky mask in place, but Bruce didn't miss the bit of hope in his eyes. "Both."

Tony grinned widely. "You know what this means, Bruce?"

Bruce chuckled. "What, Tony?"

"We're going to be brothers of science! An unstoppable force that will triumph even Pepper's efforts to stop us from blowing shit up!"

"I have a feeling Pepper isn't going to appreciate that very much."

"Oh, you haven't met her yet, have you?! I think you two will get along well...Not too well though." He gave Bruce a mock glare.

"Don't worry, Tony. I'm sure we'll fight a lot."

"Good, because you're my science buddy now. Pepper can't have you."

Bruce couldn't help but crack an amused smile.

Tony grimaced. "Seriously, though. I'm going to need you to help me stay sane. I don't know how long I'm going to be able to keep myself from strangling Capsicle."

"Give Steve a break, he's still adjusting. Imagine waking up seventy years in the future. I think you'd be just as upset."

"Are you kidding me? Imagine the tech they'll have in seventy years! There'd be so much to learn, and so many more opportunities to create!"

"But imagine everyone you know being gone just like that." Bruce suggested, snapping his fingers to make his point.

"Yeah…that would be…inconvenient." Tony conceded with brows furrowed. He stared at the brick wall next to him as he thought about how much that would, well, suck.

Bruce raised an eyebrow. "Inconvenient? It'd be a lot worse than inconvenient. Imagine," He paused, not sure if this was overstepping his boundaries. "Well, imagine Pepper."

"Hm? What about her?"

"If you were sent to the future, you'd never see her again."

Several emotions flashed across Tony's face. Bruce caught a few: fear, sadness, anger. Maybe even a little regret? He couldn't be totally sure, and he didn't want to press Tony any further than he already had.

"That would be a lot worse than inconvenient." Tony replied finally, his tone somber.

Bruce rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "I'm sorry."

Tony quirked an eyebrow at the other man. "For?"

"I didn't mean to, uh, make you upset or anything."

"Hey, it's cool! Takes a hell of a lot more than that to make me upset! Still, I can't help that Steve pisses me the off. He's just so," He held his hands out in front of him, trying to find the right words to describe the man.

"Not like you?"

"Well there's that."

"What else? I can tell there's something about him besides that that bothers you."

"I don't know, Bruce." He scraped a hand down his face and sighed. "Remember what I told you about my dad on the Hellicarrier?"

The physicist nodded. "About your dad always going on about Steve?"

"Yeah. That. My old man was kind of a dick, to put it mildly. He always used to go on about Captain Perfect, while never giving me the time of day." He knew he was rambling, but it was kind of hard to stop now that he'd started. It was a stupid reason to constantly pick a fight with someone, but he couldn't help it. "It sounds stupid and childish, but that kind of shit fucks with your mind as a kid. I can't help but hate Steve a little. I mean, what does he have that I don't, right?"

"It's ok, Tony. I understand." Bruce smiled. It was a kind smile, not judging or pitying, much to Tony's relief. "I promise to drag you to the lab whenever you're about to kill Steve, ok? Or when you piss Steve off enough for him to try and kill you, which seems far more likely in my opinion."

Tony grinned. "Thanks. I owe you one."

Bruce shrugged. "You're giving me a place to stay. I think I'm the one that owes you."

"Well, it's not like it'll be free. You'll have to be in charge of your own lab, so that makes us even."

His eyes widened in disbelief. "You're giving me my own lab space?"

"Obviously. What, you think Stark Tower is rent free? You have to be my partner in science if you want to stay."

"Tony. You have no idea what this means to me."

Tony smiled, putting a hand on Bruce's shoulder. "Yes, I do. I understand. That's why I'm doing it."

He looked down at the table. "Thanks."

"What are friends for?"

This caused Bruce's head to jerk up suddenly. "Friends?"

"I think we're past acquaintances now, don't you?"

"Yeah. Yeah I guess so." He smiled warmly at the thought. It had been a while since he had gotten close enough to someone to consider them a friend. Tony wasn't a patient or a parent that was thankful for his services as a doctor. He was a friend.

"Good! Then we're on the same page! Come on. Let's go home before you pass out on the table again."

He chuckled, but nodded in agreement anyway. He truly was exhausted.

It wasn't until they were in the car again that Bruce realized Tony had called Stark Tower "home", and he had agreed without a second thought. He considered that for a moment before deciding the word felt right. After that, he fell asleep in the car again (much to Tony's amusement). It was the kind of blissful, dreamless sleep that so often eluded him. The kind that came from a sense of contentment.

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**Let me know what you thought of this chapter, and feel free leave me some suggestions for later chapters! (Seriously, if you have any ideas they're more than welcome!) **


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm sorry this took so long. I wanted to finish the fourth chapter before I posted this one, but I'm having zero time to write. School and choir are consuming my life right now.**

**The bit about Howard forcing Tony to drink is based off of a page of a comic I saw on tumblr. Obviously I've taken some creative liberties.**

**This kind of took a crack-ish turn…It was one in the morning. Give me some slack, k? I 100% don't ship Stony. Not even a little bit. So please take the mention of it as a joke, which is how it was intended. Same with anything implying Science Boyfriends. These guys are strictly bros.**

**Disclaimer: Do I look like I own anything of actual value? Nope. Nothing but the plot.**

**Warning: A lot of swearing and sex jokes in this chapter.**

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Chapter 3: Of Captain Virginity and Shitty Childhoods

Sunday's were always long. The few customers the coffee shop actually had usually didn't come for their morning cups of coffee on those days. Whether they were working, at church, or simply sleeping in, Kristine didn't know. It was just a consistent part of her life, which (if she was honest with herself) was monotonous in general.

So when the sound of the door opening brought her attention away from her laptop screen, she was surprised.

"Rae." She whispered behind her in an attempt to catch her friend's attention. "Psst! Rae."

Rae poked her head out of the doorway of the break room, sighing loudly. "Whaaat?" She asked, looking around the room. Her eyes widened and a grin overtook her face at the sight of their favorite billionaire and his shy friend.

Rae chuckled, nodding with her head. "What's up with him?"

The celebrity was practically shaking with, what appeared to be, rage. His friend was guiding him to the table in the furthest corner of the room, and shaking his head. If Rae listened carefully enough, she could hear grumblings that sounded suspiciously like cuss words.

"…I don't know." Kristine muttered. Her face was screwed up into something between worry and just plain disturbed. "Think I should go over there and see if they want anything?"

Rae snorted. "You just want to hit on his buddy."

Kristine rolled her eyes without turning around.

"Hey, whatever tickles your fancy! I'm not here to judge. Besides, if you like socially awkward, forty year old men, he's just your type." Rae shrugged, trying to elicit some sort of response.

Kristine finally turned around, obviously unamused. "In all seriousness Rae, I'm actually kind of worried about Stark. He looks really upset."

"He's a big boy with enough money to solve most of the world's problems. I think he'll be ok."

"I hope so."

Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose. If Tony didn't cool off soon, he was going to lose it. And if he lost it, the repercussions would be much greater than those of Tony's current ranting.

"Fucking pretentious bastard! Mr. Fucking Know It All! God damn relic! Son of a cock-loving whore!" Tony seethed, muttering obscenities through clenched teeth.

"Tony." Bruce said warningly. He was massaging his temples in an attempt to rid himself of the headache that was starting to form. This constant stream of cuss words had been going on for a half an hour now. Bruce had hoped that a change of scenery would be enough to calm the genius down. Apparently not.

Tony continued to cuss through his teeth, completely oblivious to everything around him.

"Tony." Bruce tried again.

The billionaire didn't seem to hear him.

Bruce began to clench his own teeth. "Tony!"

Tony jumped in surprise. He stared at Bruce, somewhat annoyed. "What?"

"I realize you're upset. But for the sake of New York's population and infrastructure, shut up."

He folded his arms across his chest defensively, eyes narrowing in frustration. "It's not my fault! It's that God damn prick! Fucking stick is so far up his ass, I don't think it's fair to call him a virgin anymore! God fucking-"

Bruce growled low in his throat, the Hulk's influence on his voice clearly noticeable. Green flecks were beginning to appear in the physicist's eyes, and he could feel his muscles tensing.

That shut Tony up, if only for a moment. He watched silently as Bruce began breathing deeply. His grip on the table relaxed, which Tony took a sign that he'd calmed down now.

"Why is it such a big deal to him anyway? It's my tower." The genius sighed, taking out his phone/tablet and fiddling with blueprints for suit upgrades.

Bruce hunched over the table, leaning on his forearms. "Some people don't like dishes left in the sink, Tony. You know Steve's a neat freak. It's his military training."

Tony threw his hands into the air. "But it's my tower! I'm in charge!" He growled.

"We're all still getting used to living with each other. You and Steve are just having pissing matches over who's in charge."

Tony sighed, seeming to deflate. "I can't deal with everyone living together. Genius requires personal space."

Bruce cocked an eyebrow. "You want to complain about personal space? Try going from not voluntarily coming into contact with anyone unless they're sick and dying to suddenly living with five people. Especially you." He pointed accusingly. "You are one of the most physical people I know. You're always touching me, whether it's poking me to try and get me to hulk-out, or keeping your hand on my shoulder for an entire conversation. The others are easier to avoid."

"You like it." Tony grinned suggestively while waggling his eyebrows.

Bruce just shook his head.

"And anyway," Tony began. "That's an entirely different thing. You need to reacclimate to society. Jumping whenever someone touches you isn't normal. Needing time away from Captain Virginity is completely normal."

Bruce rolled his eyes. "Reacclimating has nothing to do with that. That's instinct. Learned instincts are logical, and act as defense mechanisms. Picking fights with Steve is, in your case, a show of dominance."

"I thought you were supposed to be on my side!" Tony frowned.

Bruce had known Tony long enough to realize that he was actually hurt, even if he was overdramatizing it so he wouldn't take the billionaire seriously. He sighed in resignation. "I'm not on either of your sides. I think you're _both_ acting like children."

"He gets mad at you for leaving dishes out too, you know." Tony pointed out, leaning back on his chair so that it was balanced on its back legs.

Bruce shrugged. "So?"

"Doesn't that make you frustrated?"

"I've learned not to let little things like that bother me."

"Well we can't all be saints like you, Banner."

Bruce laughed in self-depreciation. "Because killing people whenever I'm upset totally makes me a saint, you're so right."

Groaning, Tony rubbed his eyes. The legs of his chair clattered loudly as they landed back on the ground. "Let's NOT talk about our feelings, ok?"

The physicist looked away, preferring to stare at peeling wallpaper. "Sounds good to me."

There was an awkward silence as both men became lost in their own thoughts.

The sound of approaching footsteps caused Tony's head to snap up. It was one of the girls that worked at the shop. The one that had talked a little sense into Bruce the first time they'd come here.

She stopped a bit abruptly in front of their table and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Um…I was just wondering if either of you would like anything to drink…"

"Whisky."

The woman gave him a look before shrugging. "Rae? Is there whisky in the back?" She yelled over her shoulder.

Tony grinned, feeling Bruce's stare.

"What?"

"You know what. You're going to end up plastered, and I'm not going to take care of you."

Tony was going to reply, when a feminine voice, presumably Rae, yelled, "Hell no! If they want that then they're going to have to share! I'm not giving all of it up!"

The woman that had originally addressed them sighed. "If you want the bottle, you'll have to share with Rae. I can get you a glass, though."

Still feeling Bruce's stare, Tony rolled his eyes. "A glass will be fine."

She nodded. "Keep in mind that this is a coffee shop, Mr. Stark. Not a bar. I maintain the right to refuse to sell you anymore, drunk or not." She then turned her attention to Bruce.

After a moment of awkward silence, the physicist realized she was waiting for him to order something.

"Uh, green tea please."

"Sure. I'll be right back."

The billionaire continued to watch her as she went to the counter. He noted that while her breasts weren't much to look at, he enjoyed watching her leave. Still, he preferred Pepper and found himself missing her.

_"I wonder when she'll be back from that trip to Italy…"_

"Didn't your parents ever tell you staring is rude?" Bruce said sternly, though his lips were ticked up in a small smile.

"My parents didn't tell me much of anything, big guy."

Bruce shot him a wry smirk. "Brian never said anything constructive, so I can kind of relate."

"Brian?" Tony asked, eyebrow raised.

"My…father." His mouth twisted into a disgusted grimace at the confession.

"Ah…"

"Yep." He said, popping the 'p'. The physicist began wringing his hands.

Tony eyed the nervous tick. If just mentioning his father made him this anxious…Tony didn't want to think about what that implied. A wave of anger and a need to protect his friend rolled through him.

"What did he do to you?"

Bruce's head snapped up, eyebrow quirked. "It's in the past, Tony. Besides," He swallowed thickly. "Weren't you the one that said we shouldn't talk about our feelings?"

"Just because I don't want to, doesn't mean we shouldn't. Hell, I'm supposed to do most of the stuff I don't want to do."

"You've read my file. I'm sure you got the gist of it, and I _really _don't want to talk about it."

Tony sighed, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms over his chest. It was then that the barista came back and set their drinks in front of each man respectively. Feeling the tension, she simply gave a small smile before walking away.

The billionaire picked up the glass of whisky, swirling the brown liquid in the cup for a few moments before bringing the glass to his lips and knocking it back. Placing the, now mostly empty, glass on the table, he regarded his friend. Bruce was staring at the wall, a look of tight, forced control on his features.

"My parents were never around. When they were, my dad was verbally abusive, always asking me why I couldn't do better. Why I couldn't _be _better. The first time he gave me alcohol was when I was eight. He used to make me drink when I was upset."

It was said in an embarrassed rush. As soon as the last word was uttered, Tony quickly picked up his glass and downed the little whisky that was left.

"Your turn."

Bruce cleared his throat, now fiddling with the cup in front of him in place of wringing his hands. Tony had just shown that he'd trusted him. It was only fair to do the same, wasn't it? Shit. Yeah, probably.

He refused to look at the other man; refused to think about what he was saying. He didn't need any unwanted memories popping up, buried as they were. "He was exposed to radiation and believed it changed his DNA. Because of that and my intelligence, he thought I was a monster. He punished me for it physically and verbally." His tone was clipped and impersonal, as if he was reading from a scientific journal.

Tony rolled his glass between his hands.

_"What do I say to that? Come on Tony, this was your fucking brilliant idea."_

Bruce must have known what he was thinking, because he gave his friend a sad smile. "You don't have to say anything, Tony. Not many people know how to respond to that. Though, you might ruin your reputation as an incessant chatter box. Let's put the topic to rest, ok?"

"Bruce, man, it's fine to talk about it. I mean, I might not be the best person to talk to about…emotions and junk, but I'll listen. We both had messed up childhoods, huh?" He stroked his goatee, thinking.

The other man sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair. "I don't think _any _of us had a quote-on-quote normal childhood."

"Steve probably did." Tony muttered in an excellent impression of a jealous, spiteful five year old.

"Aaaand we're back to Rogers." He rolled his eyes. "Sometimes I wonder if all of this fighting is actually just sexual tension, what with all of the rumors on the news and internet."

Tony's mouth quite literally dropped open. It opened and closed several times, the genius sputtering like a fish.

"No!" He finally choked out. "Just…No! Fucking hell, Banner! I mean sure, he has a nice ass, but that doesn't make up for him _being _one! And if I may remind you of how very fucking STRAIGHT I am?! Genius, billionaire, _playboy_, philanthropist, remember?!"

"No need to get so defensive. It's very detrimental to the case you're making right now."

"Pepper!" He practically yelled. "She's proof I'm straight!"

"Proof that you're not a playboy anymore, maybe." It was a testament to his famous control that Bruce didn't crack a smile during this whole exchange. Not once, though it caused him physical pain. "How do I know you're not bisexual?"

"I am Tony fucking Stark! Out of all of the people on Earth, my sexuality should be the last one to come into question! How do I know _you _aren't bisexual?"

Bruce shrugged. "I'm not, but so what if I was? Afraid I'd make a pass at you?"

"Girl, you know I've turned straight guys gay wit' dis ass." Tony grinned, doing his best to sound ghetto.

The physicist couldn't contain a small snort of laughter.

Tony shook his head, wondering how they'd started talking about this anyway.

"Jesus, Banner! We changed topics so fast, a normal person would have gotten whiplash."

"Tony, it was established a long time ago that we're both abnormal."

"Really? When did that happen? Why was I not informed of this?"

"It was officially declared by The Council last week. They thought it best if the news was delivered by someone close to you."

He sighed dramatically. "There go my hopes and dreams."

Bruce finally allowed himself to laugh. He'd laughed more in Tony's company than during the duration of his time on the run. And wasn't that just a bit sad? He couldn't bring himself to be upset, though. Tony had done so much for him. Given him a place to stay, practically forced him into a job at Stark Industries, and was continuously trying to help him accept the Other Guy. If Bruce were the sentimental type (which he definitely wasn't…nope. Not even a little…), he'd have also thought about Tony's friendship and how much it meant to him.

It was these thoughts that spurred what happened next.

Tony was still grinning like an idiot, when Bruce looked up at him with a soft smile.

"Thanks, Tony."

It was practically whispered. If the look on the physicist's face hadn't been so sincere, Tony would have thought he'd imagined it.

At risk of looking like a sap, Tony put his hand on his friend's shoulder and smiled. "Anytime, Big Guy."

* * *

**The bit about Howard forcing Tony to drink is based off of a page of a comic I saw on tumblr. Obviously I've taken some creative liberties.**


End file.

Avengers, Friendship, Hurt-Comfort