Flash Flashforward

**Flashforward: All this has happened before, and all this will happen again. **

**SPOILER ALERT: This was inspired by what I know about the comics pre-New 52, New 52 and the animated DC Movie Flashpoint Paradox, mixed up with my own imagination. So there's some stuff happening in the comics, some stuff that doesn't, all that in the Flash CW universe. **

**Also, forgive the grammar. Not only English isn't my first langage, but seriously, writing future and past events in a past tense narrative would give me trouble in French, so imagine me trying to do that in English... **

Barry's POV

To tell you this story, I am going to need you to not only believe in the impossible, but to commit to it entirely, to trust it in every way. Because today, I did not. I should have though. I should have and for the rest of my life, I will utterly regret it.

The fact is that I now know when will the rest of my life end and there is nothing, _nothing_, that I can do to change it. Believe me, I have tried.

Anyway, I may lose you if I don't start soon. Many things happened today, and the impossible part of it you may ask? Barely any of it actually happened _today_. Okay, losing you again. Let's do this chronologically. Well, that was a bad choice of words.

It had been about five months since the man in the yellow suit, or the Reverse Flash, appeared in Central City. Even though my team and I got pretty busy fighting new foes at a regular basis, we still managed to focus on getting me faster and stronger so that I could be ready to face the man who murdered my mother the day he finally returns. And I did, step by step, if I may say. We all knew it was not enough but we were making progress and that was all that mattered.

Life continued in parallel and it was good. Like Caitlin had predicted, things finally got better with Iris. We found our new normal and I surprised myself by enjoying this new situation. Her new job and Eddie made her happier than she had even been. She and I talked, _a lot_, about everything and finally, maybe for the first time since we had known each other, we were 100 % honest towards each other. Okay, maybe not 100 % on my part, but you know what I mean.

Being the Flash was not easy every day but thanks to my partners and friends it had become doable and manageable, and still so very much enjoyable. As my speed increased, the feelings while I run did too. Cisco had a blast developing new toys to match my new skills and I was more than happy to help, and by that I mean act like his own personal labrat. Dr. Wells was slowly becoming the mentor I had always dream he would be. Last but not least, Caitlin and I became closer than ever after she had been taken by Snart and his twisted partner. She helped me move on from Iris and I tried to do the same with Ronnie. I may not have succeeded yet since Firestorm kept on showing up every month or so just to leave again, appearing once as Ronnie and therefore giving Caitlin new hopes, only to reappear next time as the damage Stein, leaving my friend yet again broken. But even with that, things were getting better. Last time Firestorm was here I managed to talk to him and made him promise not to reach out to Caitlin anymore, in any way (his stalking habits were on my mind). It had not been a long time ago, but still I was hopeful.

Anyway, this was how I felt this morning when I woke up. Tonight, back in the safety of my bed, I was everything but hopeful.

It had all began with the tornado that had burst into my room when I had finally convinced myself to leave the bed. The door had flown open in the strong gust as I was thrown right back into my bed. My first reflex had been to use my super-speed, obviously, to understand what was happening around me. However, even with all my senses working furiously fast, I had been unable to see a damn thing and the only conclusion I had reached was this one : the Reverse Flash was back and currently running in circles in my bedroom at a speed even _I _couldn't comprehend. The man had had a hundred opportunities to kill me then and I wouldn't have been able to see it coming, but he did nothing of the sort. In fact, it had seemed that after a few seconds -that had seemed like minutes to me-, he was finally slowing down. As I had found solid ground again, my eyes had at least been able to spot and follow the moving red streak, meaning he had decreased his speed to my level. It had to be some sort of trap of course, but my options were limited and I decided to wait for him to stop since he had obviously not come here to murder me. That was the reason I told myself, but the fact that I was petrified by the sight in front of me had to also be relevant, the dreadful realisation that this man could apparently run at the speed of light or something close hitting me with more strength than the windstorm had a few moments ago.

Following this first realisation, a second one had popped into my mind : he was red. A red streak was in my room. Fear had now been replaced with utter incomprehension, my legs still not responding to any of my commands. And then, as suddenly as he had stormed into the room, the man was standing in front of me like a statue, not the less bit tired from his run, watching me with his piercing green eyes through his red mask.

My red mask. _My green eyes._

«Hello, Barry.» It was his words but definitely my voice, through a little more rougher than I had ever heard it coming from my mouth. I can't even describe to you what was happening in my mind at the moment. All I know is that I was frozen in my spot, unable to look away from the man standing in the middle of my room, a man wearing a Flash suit that looked awfully like my own but not entirely, a man that was _me_.

He had taken off his mask, like to answer a question I couldn't have asked even if I had wanted to. My first thought had been that for apparently the same person, we looked a hell lot different. He wasn't taller than me but his frame was wider, his suit following the curve of muscles I had not discovered in myself yet, lightning or not. He didn't look that much older than me but little wrinkles were showing at the corner of his eyes. And his eyes… We shared the colour, nothing more. What I saw in those eyes that wouldn't stop staring at me I had never seen in my own before. They felt _off_, empty. In fact, the man himself looked like a shadow and I was left with one single question after the millions that had previously run though my mind: what had happened to him -to me?- to leave him in such a state?

«Who… who are you?» The words had come out of my mouth dry, not much louder than a murmur. I was wondering if the man had even heard me when he took a step towards me. I would have taken a step back if my back wasn't already against the wall.

«You know who I am, Barry.»

That couldn't have been a coincidence. The man in the yellow suit had told me the exact same thing. I had seen red then, clenching my fists tightly as I moved towards him. «Who are you?» I had asked again almost yelling, my face now inches away from his.

He had sighed. A deep sigh as if he was tired of my incomprehension, as if we had been having this conversation for hours, not minutes. «You are not the fastest man alive, Barry. Not today. But you will be. You will run as fast as light.» A little spark appeared in his eyes for a brief instant. «You will see, experience and live things your mind would not even understand right now. Who am I, you ask? Who do _you _think I am? A metahuman capable of impersonating you, maybe?»

«No.» I don't know why I had answered him that way and so fast, but I knew who he was then. I had seen how he had talked about my speed, how had he looked while doing it. And I knew. I knew even though I couldn't understand, even though I couldn't believe it. «You are me.»

His smile had been small, almost indistinguishable, but there nonetheless. «You always figure it out on your own.» He had stated matter-of-factly.

«How…?»

«Seat.» He had demanded, and tonight I still have no idea why I had obliged immediately to his request. Somehow, I had overcome my fear and general incomprehension and had been left in a state of utter apprehension, like I knew that whatever he had to tell me was important enough for me to seat still and listen.

«Barry, one day you will be running so fast you will feel like losing yourself to the world. The ground, the wind, the oxygen… You won't feel any of that anymore. I don't know how to explain it, but I will show you in a minute.» My eyes had opened widely at this, but he had started talking again before I could even think of something to say. «Barry, this will allow you to run so fast that time itself will become a vivid entity that you can outrun. You will be able to travel through time. Which explains my presence here and now.»

«This explains _nothing_.» I had muttered.

«Believe me, I know how you feel. I felt the exact same way when I was the one in the bed, listening to the crazy man looking like an older version of me. However, ironically, I don't have the time to give you a lesson about time travelling. Do you trust me, Barry?»

We had stared at each other for a moment. Everything that had happened since this man had stormed in here was unbelievable and incomprehensible. None of it made any sense. Yet I had only one answer for the man I knew with all my heart was me. «Yes.»

Since I had become the Flash, I had often wondered what it felt like for my friends to be whooshed away without any warnings. I had my answer.

I won't tell you about our journey. First because even if I wanted to, I wouldn't know _how _to. My future self had basically carried me through it all and all I could to, all he wanted me to do anyway, was to watch everything he had to show me. Secondly, to say it was painful would be the understatement of the millennium.

What I can do on the other hand is tell you why. As we had stood in the shadows witnessing some of the most horrific moments of our life, he had told me his story. How I would eventually discover by accident that I can travel through time. How my first action then was to run back to the day my mother had been murdered, only to surrender to the dreadful truth that I couldn't save her without altering the future and bringing the world to its premature end. How I actually was the one saving my younger self that very same day. How I would promise myself that I would never _ever_ again travel through time. How I would keep that promise for nearly a decade. How the only time I'd break it was the present day for my future self, breaking it to come and talk to _me_.

As the day had passed and I had gotten my heart broken about a hundred times, he had brought me back to my room. The second he had let go of me, I lost my balance and found myself on the ground, my back against the frame of my bed. I felt sick, and angry. Mostly angry.

« Why would you show me all this? »

« Because, Barry, I don't want any of this to happen. I learned my lesson when I tried to save our mother, we cannot change the past, never. But this isn't me coming here to do anything, only showing you the future. I want you to change the future Barry. » For the first time today, he had sounded like the broken man I knew he was. He had watched with a blank expression every scene he had taken me to, knowing very well he couldn't break, like he had while actually living those moments. « I know I can't run back to stop everything, to change everything. But your life is ahead of you, every decision you make is yours. To help you make you the right decisions though, I'm going to tell you everything that has been done before. »

« What do you mean? » I was confused by everything of course, but this I absolutely did not understand.

He had smiled. It was the saddest smile I had ever seen.

«This is not the first time this happens, Barry. You have lived this day before, a future version of yourself would come and do exactly what I did today. And you would continue your life with the knowledge of what is going to happen, and you would live your life in a way destined to avoid it all. And you would fail, otherwise you wouldn't become me, visiting you.»

He had lost me like I probably lost you somewhere along the way.

«Then why keep trying? Like changing the past seems the most dangerous thing in the world, trying to change the future looks like the most pointless.» I had finally asked, accepting that I could never totally understand what he said anyway.

His jaw had clenched. «Have you not seen what is going to happen?» I had never seen my face so broken with anger. «What else can I do but try? Probabilities say that everything that can happen will eventually happen at some point, and I truly believe that. We may fail a thousand times Barry, but all it takes is one win. Only one. _You _need one, Barry. I've already lost everyone and everything I have ever loved, you've seen it but not lived it. Trust me, knowing it will happen doesn't make it easier. Quite the opposite actually. So now, you will listen and I will speak.»

My future-self told me everything I had tried, things that I couldn't remember since it had not yet happened for my present-self, and reminded me that whatever, _whatever_, I had tried, nothing had ever worked. _What has happened_ before _will happen again_. _What has_ been done before _will_ be done again. One way or another. When he was done, he had asked what I wanted to do now, with little hope in his voice. He had already had that conversation, multiple times, and obviously I -himself- never gave the right answer. I considered him a long moment before slowly closing my eyes.

Everything came back, every place my future self took me over the last hours. Every memory broke my heart a little more. The images flashed in my mind, images of moments and events happening years from now, all at different times.

Iris West Allen's gravestone in Central City cemetery. A Barry Allen kneeling on the freshly replanted grass with a face of utter desperation. Joe West's grave stone next to it, looking way more old than his daughter's.

Henry Allen's gravestone next to my mother's. My future-self had then taken me to the moment of his death. Of course I was there too and he had died saving me.

Eddie's eyes burning my soul through his yellow suit, his wicked smirk directed at me while I watched, broken, my future-self screaming and crying over his wife's corpse.

Dr. Well's hand holding the gun that had just shot Joe when he had discovered the man's true identity, which could be resumed with the words «second man in a yellow suit, 500 years younger.»

Cisco watching me leave Central City with new partners while our old friends were either dead or lost to the world. His eyes full of anger as he had yelled at me that I wasn't the only one that had lost his loved ones over the years. My future-self saying «I'm sorry Cisco. I can't do this anymore. I just can't» before turning around and speeding to catch up a black car.

Caitlin, my sweet and adorable Dr. Snow, kissing Ronnie passionately while I witnessed the young man slowly losing his balance, his skin losing its colour, his body losing its fire. Caitlin walking over the limp body of the love of her life without so much as a glance, walking towards me, tilting her head to one side as to make sure it was really me, Barry Allen, in front of her. I had turned away to find my future-self standing in the shadows, giving me a nod so I would stay and actually interact with her. Caitlin finally breaking the silence when she got close enough so I could hear her rough murmur. «The Almighty Flash is back, honouring us with his presence. Where are your best friends, black-suit-man and red-cape-alien-man?» She paused, waiting for me to speak, but I could not move, I hadn't since I got there, and I did not know the answer to her question anyway.

«What?» she continued, «I don't get the 'Caitlin, it's me Barry, come back to me' speech today? Because of that?» She pointed her pale finger towards Ronnie's body without breaking eye contact with me. «This is all your fault, you do know that, right? Every single bad thing that happened to all of us, it's on you. Cisco, Joe, your father, Eddie, Ronnie, _Iris_. All our friends, our family. I know you like to think and say that this isn't me, that I somehow got changed during the so-called accident, but I swear to god Barry, it's me. And I warned you not to look for me again. Ronnie didn't listen and well…» She had smiled, widely, at her unspoken threat. That's when my brain started to work again and I got my legs to run me out of there, my living shadow following me.

I had run back to the cemetery that housed so many of my loved ones after we had seen Caitlin. I had crushed against Iris's gravestone, cracking it a little. I was crying. Barry Allen's hand had found my shoulder. «Have you seen enough?» He had asked. For one of the fastest man alive, I took all the time in the world to answer. Brushing my fingers against Iris' engraved name, I had nodded.

At a speed my present self could not even dream of, we were back in my room. «What will you do now, Barry?»

In one day, maybe 10 hours, I had lost everyone I have ever cared for. Somehow I was to blame for everything. All I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and never came out. But I knew it had been done before, me killing myself would only speed everything up. Unmasking Dr. Wells right now would too. Giving up on Iris and never become the reason she and Eddie broke up, resulting in him turning evil and eventually becoming the first Reverse Flash, was not either. Keeping Caitlin away from Central City the day she was supposed to die, only to resurrect as Killer Frost, was pointless. Her destiny would eventually catch up with her. Everyone's destiny would. Everything had been tried.

I had tried everything since I first ran here from the future to warn myself, only to do it again, and again. And again, every time I would relive the exact same events anyway. Every single time, future Barry Allen would tell his past-self, me, the entire story, adding the latest time it had happened. And every time, he would ask the same question. «What will you do now, Barry?»

The answer came on its own.

"Nothing."

Because it was the only thing we had not tried yet, we, Barry Allens from every time, every universe, whatever you want to call it. This time we would do nothing. I, who woke up hours ago feeling joyful and hopeful for the future, will do everything I want to do, everything I would have done before any of this had happened. The only difference? I will do it with a broken, hopeless and defeated heart.

_La fin._

**NOTE : Okay so, thoughts? I am not even sure any of that makes sense. Ever since I've seen the Flashpoint Paradox, I've imagined its adaptation on the TV show and can totally see it as a season finale for season 2 or 3 maybe. Time travel brings so much potential to the story… **

**Also, I wanted this one-shot to be a multi chapter story, where we really follow Barry's journey in time, then I realized I can't spend hours (days really) writing about everyone's death or worse (I seriously think Evil Eddie is worse than dead Eddie. Not Caitlin though, Killer Frost's gonna be awesome), you know? ****_Knowing _****that some of this stuff actually happens in the comics is hard enough. I'm not saying I don't want it to happen, I love angst, tragedy etc, but seeing it one episode at the time, one character at the time, will be painfully good enough. **

**Also, I know this is kind of sad. BUT I am writing a Flarrow story, it's already long but I want to finish it before posting it, and I swear it's all fun, happy thoughts and all. That way you may forgive me for this story. **

PS: the title (and one of the line in the story) comes from Battlestar Galactica. I had no idea how to name this, then while I was rereading it I thought «haha, that makes me think about that sentence everyone says all-the-fracking-time in BSG». So you know, _so say we all _and voilà. If you don't know that show, well you should. Even more so if you like The 100, since it's kind of its teen-show baby (and has like 4 or 5 actors from BSG).


End file.

Flash, Angst, Tragedy