Final Fantasy VIII 1. Default Chapter

Squall's Battle of the Brains II:  
The Handzome hozt strikez vack!!! Disclaimer: all of the characters here (including the author hehe) were from Square  
  
Cast: Of course all ff8 characters (what do you expect.hahaha)  
  
Contestants  
  
Squall and Rinoa : previously the blue team, Odine decided to change that to Blue Dracula team since it is Halloween  
  
Seifer and Fujin : formerly the green team, now the Green zombies team  
  
Irvine and Selphie: formerly the yellow team, now the Yellow imp team  
  
Zell and Ellone : previously the red team, now the Red Hotdogzillas team  
  
Audience   
  
Quistis and of course her "Trepies"  
  
Laguna, Kiros and Ward  
  
Cid and General Caraway  
  
Angelo and a Momba  
  
And a SURPRISE GUEST (yikes)  
  
Host and co-host  
  
Raijin: Odine's new co-host (ya know him already!)  
  
Odine: the host of this show (still alive?)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
Raijin: (*looking at the mirror) Hahaha! I can't believe this ya know! I'm gonna be the co-host for this great show ya know ahaha..hhahahaah.cough* cough*   
  
Odine: Raijin!!! Come out now and ztart d zhow!!!   
  
Raijin: Ya Ya coming! Just fixin' moiself ya know!!   
  
Meanwhile..  
  
Quistis:(*worried) Oh no I do hope that the "amnesia" pills will work to them.  
  
Cid: Don't worry Quistis. Everything will be just fine! Relax!  
  
Caraway: Dr. Kadowaki told us that there's nothing to worry about. I'll bet that they cannot remember what happened to them the last time they join this show!!  
  
Laguna: Mwahahaha at last we're here!!!   
  
Kiros: Yes!!!   
  
Ward:....... ...   
  
Laguna: I'm sorry Ward, what ya sayin'?   
  
Kiros: Oh Ward says "Yo"   
  
Laguna: Ahhhh Okay! Um. by the way Kiros, how's our banners, pom-poms, and the Estharians to cheer for my ever so handsome *like his father*, baby boy Squally and his lovey dubby dub dub Rinoa?  
  
Kiros: Yes Sir all set ! Except ..for the Estharians sir.   
  
Laguna: Bu.. but why?!   
  
Ward: ..   
  
Kiros: Let me translate that for you sir. Ward says that they cannot come because they're too scared to go here sir!  
  
Laguna: (*raises his eyebrow) And why?  
  
Kiros: They're scared of being annihilated by one of the guest here.  
  
Laguna: And who is this nasty guest?  
  
Kiros and Ward: (*points at the huge chair near the stage)  
  
Laguna: Whoa! What a chair! Who's going to sit there?  
  
Ward: .  
  
Kiros: THE SPECIAL GUEST!!!  
  
Laguna: WHO IS THIS SPECIAL GUEST?  
  
Cid: Oh don't ya worry pal! I see to it that we have plenty of HOLY Wars so that he cannot do that to us .just in case.  
  
Laguna: Ohhh. What a relief! But guys tell me who is this SPECIAL GUEST! Tell me, tell me, tell meeeeeeeee.  
  
Cid: You'll find out soon  
  
Laguna: Oh okay.But I thought you're the co-host of this show?  
  
Cid: I Quit. I can't take that Lunatic anymore! By the way, Quistis and Caraway are here plus Angelo and your pet Momba!  
  
Caraway: Hi (*then he whispers to Laguna) remember this pal, Julia is mine!*   
  
Laguna: Sure she's all yours! I've got Raine!   
  
Quistis: Oh hello Mr. Loire!   
  
Laguna: Ah! Quistis! How are you and where's the Trepies?  
  
Quistis: (*giggles) already dead! Remember last time, I used my LV.5 death and puff! They're all bunch of smokes and ashes! Hahaha! (*laughs hysterically)  
  
Trepies: (*zombies) QUISTIS! QUISTIS!  
  
Quistis: Oh no! Not again?  
  
Laguna: Ahahaha hehehe (*I shouldn't let Squall go near her)   
  
Angelo: Arf arf!  
  
Momba: Laguna! Laguna!  
  
Laguna: Ow! Hello Angelo and Momba!!!  
  
Momba: Laguna! Laguna!  
  
Caraway: (*excited) The show is starting! The show is starting!  
  
Raijin: (*in his Frankenstein outfit) Test mic! Test mic! Oh hello there ya know! Hello everyone and welcome to our new improved show! Where only the scholars, gifted, intelligent, and with the brains of Einstein can only join! "THE BATTLE OF THE BRAINS" ya know.  
  
Audience: YiPpEe!   
  
Raijin: And since Mr. Headmaster Cid retired, we have a new co-host here ya know! The ever so faithful, loyal, the tall, dark and handsome comrade of Mr. Seifer Almasy is none other than... me! Raijin ya know Hahahaha!  
  
Audience: BOOO!  
  
Odine: (*from the back stage) Um.. ahem Raij.introduze me now!  
  
Raijin: Um yeah! And our host for today is Odine!   
  
Odine: Vhat? That'z it? Plain Odine? Vhatever! Okey I'll introduze myzelf. Herro guyz! It'z me again the ever zo handzome, gor..   
  
Audience: (*interrupts him) GORILLA?   
  
Odine: No Gorgeouz, zexy, inte..   
  
Audience: Yeah yeah!   
  
Odine: Okay let'z ztart the game!   
  
Audience: AT LAST! WHOO HOO!   
  
Odine: But vefore anything elze, we would like to prezent to all of you our ZPECIAL GUEZT!   
  
Audience: GULP*   
  
Odine: Zince Ultimezia cannot come here, zhe gave me thiz request letter, lemme read thiz to you (*Odine imitates Ultimecia's voice)  
  
"To our beloved Odine (cough* cough*), We would like to inform you that you have an unpaid bill..  
  
Odine: .Ahhhh!." Um zorry wrong letter! Ahem (*imitates Ultimecia's voice again)   
  
"To the handsome host of BOTB and to all of you poor earthlings, I'm so sorry I kannot make it there and pulverize you all (I'm referring to the disgusting SeeD Kontestants and especially the annoying host opps inkluding the audience[*background: Audience: Yehey!] ) So I decided to invite my favorite pet! Mwhaahahaha [Audience:Yikes!]  
  
Odine: I vonder vho iz thiz Favorite pet?  
  
Ultimecia's voice: Read the P.S. YOU.?   
  
Odine: Ah yezzz. P.S. To my favorite pet, : MAKE THEM BLEED!!!   
  
Audience: AHHHHHHH!   
  
*With the background music : Maybe I'm a lion   
  
Griever: ROARRRRRRRR!!!!  
  
Audience: (*panic-stricken) WE'RE DOOMED!!!  
  
Cid: (*terrified) Caraway! The holy war quick!   
  
Caraway: (*searching for that item) Where's that Item? ..ack! I cannot find them..goodness..   
  
Laguna: Common! Hurry up or else we're history!   
  
Cid: Don't tell me you forget to bring it?   
  
Caraway: Oppss sorry! Laguna and Cid: Wahhhhhhhhh! Odine: Don't vorry, calm down! Our ztaff decided to put that beazt inzide the cage zo that he cannot pulverize anyone! Then a giant cage imprisoned the beast inside Odine: There zee! Um you uzelezz co-hozt introduze our conteztantz! And remember I'm handzome and you're not. Raijin: (*murmuring) I'm not useless, I'm gonna tell Seifer about this ya know! huhuhu Odine: Vhaat? Raijin: Okay fine! The first contestant: He loves to read "worthless" GND (girl next door) magazines, while his partner likes to read Laguna's magazines; they're none other than the cowboy and the Messenger girl! Irvine and Selphie! The Yellow Imps team!!! Cid: Yahooo! Caraway: GO RINOA MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER! Quistis: Um Sir General Caraway she doesn't belong to that team. Caraway: Oppss.. Trepies: QUISTIS! QUIIIIISTIS! Quistis: Not again!  
  
To be continued. 


	2. part 2

The battle of the brains .continuation   
  
Angelo: Bowow wow!  
  
Momba: Laguna! Laguna!  
  
Laguna: (*to the momba) Um. hehe! Don't say that! say "Irvine! Selphie"  
  
Momba: laguna! Laguna!  
  
Laguna: (*falls from his chair) Ngeeh!  
  
Griever: Rrrrr.  
  
Irvine: Hiya guys! We're back (*in his mind~ back? But I thought this is our first time to join this show) Um I mean we're here!!!  
  
Selphie: (*in her mind~ I feel sick) (*in a cheerful voice) BOOYA! HI FOLKS!   
  
Raijin: Next; he's still a good son to his mother, a good student to his teacher, a good friend to his comrades; and his partner is a good sister to his brother, a good daughter to her parents, They're Zell and Ellone! The Red Hotdogzillas!  
  
Cid: Yahoo!   
  
Caraway: GO RINOA! RINOA GO!   
  
Quistis: Sir Caraway?   
  
Trepies: QUISTIS! QUISTIS! QUISTIS!   
  
Quistis: Arggg! SHUT UP! AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!   
  
Trepies: NOOO!! QUISTIS! QUISTIS!  
  
Ward: ...   
  
Angelo: Aww aww   
  
Momba: Laguna! Laguna!   
  
Kiros: Sir Laguna, please teach your pet momba another word other than Laguna!   
  
Laguna: Okay! (*then whispers some words to his pet momba) there!   
  
Momba: Loire! Loire!   
  
Zell: (*in his mind~ Oh no! I feel weak and drowsy) BOOYAKA! Hello everyone I feel good today! And I think we're gonna win this game!  
  
Ellone: Hi Uncle Laguna! Uncle Kiros and Uncle Ward! Hello everyone!  
  
Raijin: Next oh my Hyne! He's my favorite character here! He's more handsome than me; he's a good disciplinary committee leader, and my besest best pal, my comrade! He's my superman! Mr. Seifer Almasy with his partner and also my friend, the albino girl Ms. Fujin, sorry I don't know her surname!  
  
Seifer: Hello fans! I'll get the 1 million gil for sure!   
  
Fujin: AFFIRMATIVE!   
  
Cid: Yahoo!  
  
Laguna: Um, Caraway please educate your friend, CID another word other than Yahoo!   
  
Caraway: 'kay (*whispers something to Cid) there!   
  
Cid: Yippee!   
  
Kiros: Laguna, Ward prepare your banners, Squall is next!   
  
Raijin: And our last team, whether you like it or not he's the main character here and his leading lady, Mr. Commander Squall Leonhart and Ms. Rinoa Heartilly!!! The blue Dracula team  
  
Cid: Yipee!  
  
Caraway: RINOA! Rinoa!  
  
Laguna: Squall! Squall! Go Squally my son! Yeah!   
  
Kiros: Go Squall and Rinoa   
  
Ward: ...   
  
Angelo: arfy arfy   
  
Momba: Laguna! Laguna!  
  
Quistis: Squall! Squall!  
  
Trepies: Quistis quistis   
  
Quistis: Argg! "Silent Voice"   
  
Trepies: ..   
  
Griever: (*in griever's mind~ OH NO HE ALMOST KILLED ME)!!! meow meow!  
  
Squall: .... (*thoughts in his mind~ I'm so exhausted and I'm not feeling well today, what is happening to me)  
  
Rinoa: Um hello everyone! We're here to collect that 1 million gil! Right Squall?  
  
Squall: Huh? Uh yes!   
  
Kiros: Squall is not feeling well today, don't ya think?   
  
Laguna: Yup! Maybe it's the side effect of the "amnesia pills"   
  
Odine: Okay conteztantz wear your thinking capz and let'z play "Who wantz to be a Mill.. I mean Battle of the BrainZ!!!  
  
Audience: Yipee!  
  
Odine: (*to the contestants) You're all old enough to know the mechanicz of thiz game zo let'z ztart the zhow! But firzt tezt our buzzerz don't worry we alzo change the zound of our buzzerz. ImpZ try the buzzerz pliz.  
  
Irvine: Wow new sounds okay no more Oink Oinks (*thoughts in his dirty mind hehe~ Huh? What Oink Oink? What am I saying? This is our first time to participate this gameshow? Hmm.. weird)  
  
Selphie: Let's try it Irvy!   
  
Irvine: Here goes nothing! (*Irvine presses the button) Burp! Burp!   
  
Audience: Say, "Excuse me"   
  
Irvine: Bu..But it's the buzzer!   
  
The audience eyed Irvine   
  
Irvine: Huh okay sorry and "excuse me"   
  
Odine: Next try your buzzerz green zombies!   
  
Zombies: Klogg klogg (*the sound produced when flushing the toilet bowl)   
  
Seifer: Eeekkkkk!! What was that?  
  
Zell: Hahaha hahaha  
  
Seifer: Grrr you again Zell! Maybe you've changed our buzzers to this.   
  
Audience: hahahaha!   
  
Odine: Quiet! Next team pliz!   
  
Hotdogzilla: Fart! Fart!   
  
Zell: What?   
  
Audience: Uhhhh Yuck! Air pollution!   
  
Seifer: (*laughing) Ze..Zell ha Ahahah (*points at Zell) poor Cry baby   
  
Zell: (*sobs) Waaaah!   
  
Odine: Lazt but not the leazt blue Dracula team  
  
Dracula: Achooo!  
  
Squall: Huh?  
  
Audience: Bless you!   
  
Squall: That wasn't me?   
  
Odine: Enough about that! Now for our eazy round zince we're celebrating Halloween today, thiz queztion iz appropriate for thiz zeazon, complete thiz zong (*sings) "On the zecond day of Chriztmaz my true love zent to me, two turtle ______ ," our clue for thiz iz that it ztartz with letter D.  
  
Zombies: Klogg Klogg   
  
Seifer: (*thinks) Hmm.turtles eh.. AH YES! Donatello he's a turtle! Right Fujin!   
  
Fujin: RIGHT! AFFIRMATIVE!   
  
Audience: (*sings while swaying) Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles! Teenage mutant Ninja Turtles.   
  
Seifer: Okay FU Sing!   
  
Fujin: ON THE SECOND DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SENT TO ME, TWO TURTLE DONATELLO!.   
  
Raijin: Yes that 's the answer! yeah you're now on the lead ya know!   
  
Odine: Ouchh! Don't zhout! No I'm afraid that iz not the anzwer. And az for you Raij, I'm the one who'z making the decizion here hmm..  
  
Imps: Burp! Burp!  
  
Audience: Say Excuse me!  
  
Odine: Yez Yellow IMPz  
  
Irvine: Um Excuse me, our answer is deer, Okay Selphie let's sing. A one, a two, a three..  
  
Selphie and Irvine: (*sings) On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me, two turtle deer! Yehey!  
  
Odine: Zorry Impz it'z not a deer, thiz D can fly!  
  
Hotdogzilla: Fart fart  
  
Cid: Zell you're eating too much carbohydrates!  
  
Zell: (*scratches his head) Sir that wasn't me?   
  
Odine: Zell?   
  
Zell: Uh yes, so the answer isn't a deer and you said that it can fly..(thinks) Rudolf our answer is Rudolf, Ellone let's sing!  
  
Ellone and Zell: On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me, two turtle Rudolf!  
  
Odine: NO!!! I'm zorry that iz vrong!  
  
Dracula: Achoo!   
  
Squall: (*reluctant) Doves   
  
Laguna: Yippee! That's right Squall!   
  
Kiros: Go Squall Leonhart Loire!  
  
Ward: ...  
  
Quistis: Yeah! He's my best student!   
  
Trepies: QUISTIIIIS!   
  
Quistis: HUH! I thought.I thought..   
  
Trepies: We use this.Remedy!   
  
Quistis: LEAVE ME ALONE.TRIPLE ULTIMA!!!  
  
Trepies: Yiiiikkkesss!  
  
Angelo: Bark! BarK!   
  
Momba: Laguna! Laguna!   
  
Laguna: Uh.. Mr. Momba.. Say Squall!   
  
Momba: Laguna!   
  
Laguna: NO Say Squall!   
  
Momba: Laguna!   
  
Laguna: Repeat after me S.   
  
Momba: Ssssss.   
  
Laguna: SQU.  
  
Momba: SsssKwuuuuu.  
  
Laguna: SQUA  
  
Momba: SsssKwuaaaa  
  
Laguna: Yes that's it SQUALL!  
  
Momba: Sssss..Laguna!  
  
Laguna:...  
  
Rinoa:(*sings) On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me, two turtledoves   
  
Caraway: Yes YOU're right darling! You're so bright like your dad!   
  
Odine: Dove.iz that your final anzwer?  
  
Dracula: Yeah!  
  
Odine: Dove iz.  
  
Audience: CORRECT!  
  
Odine: Vrong!   
  
Squall: (*in his mind~ I've got a bad feeling that no one will win this game)   
  
Odine: Next queztion! The song Aubrey and Diary was sung by:   
  
Imps: Burp Burp!   
  
Irvine: Excuse me; the answer is "the Beatles"   
  
Odine: No!  
  
Irvine: Oh gosh!   
  
Zombie: klogg kklogg   
  
Seifer: Boyzone!   
  
Odine: Nah!  
  
Hotdogzilla: Fart fart!  
  
Zell: BoyzIImen  
  
Odine: Nope! Do you want to anzwer that Dracula team?  
  
Squall: Bread?   
  
Odine: Ohh I'm zorry no one got it right! The anzwer iz, You're cloze Zquall ha, the anzwer iz BREAD AND BUTTER!  
  
Laguna: Oh no! He's wrong!  
  
Quistis: Maybe I should teach a music subject so that Squall can answer that question..hm  
  
Odine: Now for the lazt queztion for thiz round! The queztion iz: If you zay "Diamond Duzt" Zhiva vill appear while if you zay "Ruby Light" Carbuncle vill appear so the queztion iz, if you vant to call Ifrit vhat vill you zay? Our clue for thiz iz that it ztart vith the letter H, you're all ZeeDz zo you muzt know thiz!  
  
Hotdogzilla: Fart! Fart!  
  
Zell: Of course what else, HOTDOGS!!!  
  
Ellone: Yes Zell you're truly a genius!  
  
Zell: (*Blushes) that was nothing Ahahaha!  
  
Odine: NOOOOO!! NO no and ztill no!  
  
Zell: But why? A GF cannot resist the tempting, mouth-watering, juicy and delicious Hotdogs!  
  
Imps: Burp! Burp!  
  
Odine: Yez Impz!  
  
Selphie: (*anxious) I know, I know! Ahhh.(*thinks) Irvine, what is it again?  
  
Audience: Say EXCUSE ME!!  
  
Irvine: Okay, Okay fine Excuseeee meeee our answer is HI HO SILVER AWAY!  
  
Odine: Zorry vrong anzwer!!! Zombies: Klogg! Klogg!  
  
Raijin: Yes Go Seifer! Go Seifer! .ya know  
  
Seifer: (*proud) Mr. Zorro Kinneas, I.I can't believe that you don't know how to call GF Ifrit, Amateur!  
  
Odine: Then vhat iz your anzwer?  
  
Seifer:(*ignoring Odine) Look here Mr. Cowboy, Ifrit iz not a HORSE so you cannot call him in that way. Right Fujin?  
  
Fujin: AFFIRMATIVE!  
  
Irvine: Grrrr..If Ifrit is not a horse then what is he? And do you have any concrete evidence that Ifrit is not a horse.  
  
Raijin: Do not under estimate the brains of my best pal ya know!  
  
  
  
Seifer: Easy! According to my reliable and superpower brains, if lfrit is not a horse then he is a..   
  
Fujin: CAT!  
  
Seifer: (*smiling) Very good FU  
  
Fujin: (*blushes/shy) thank youuu! (giggles)  
  
Audience: Whoaaa! Quistis: She's blushing!  
  
Laguna and Cid: And she's giggling?  
  
Trepies: !!! OH NO! THE END OF WORLD IS NEAR! WE'RE DONE! WE'RE FINISHED! AHHHH!!!  
  
Angelo: (*howl like a werewolf) Awoooo awaaaa awooooooo!  
  
Momba: WAAAAHHH!  
  
Griever: (*shivering) Roarrr! (LEMME OUT! LEMME OUT! I WANNA GO HOME!)  
  
Odine: Vait a minute! VHAT IZ YOUR ANZWER!! MR. EINZTEIN!  
  
Seifer: Here Kitty, Kitty!  
  
Raijin: Yes that's it! You're the man ya know!  
  
Audience: HAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Odine: Thiz iz hopelezz! Zo vhat vill it be Dracula team? Do you vant to anzwer the queztion?  
  
Rinoa:(*not so sure with her answer) Heelllll Fiire? Am I right Squally?  
  
Squall: Yes sweetie!  
  
Audience(*except for Quisitis): Awwww! Quistis: Huhuhuhu Heart breaker!   
  
Trepies: (*teasing) QUISTIS IS JEALOUS! QUISTIS IS JEALOUS!  
  
Odine: VAT KIND OF ZEEDZ ARE YOU? The correct anzwer iz ahemm..HEY COME HERE YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING GF! Zo Let'z zee their zcorez, take it away Raij!  
  
Raijin: Imps got 0 points, Hotdogzilla got 0 points, Dracula team got 0 points and What do you know! Zombie team got 1million poi..  
  
Odine: (*interrupts Raijin) Raijin? Give then the right zcorez  
  
Raijin: Sorry, Zombie got ahuuhuu although its hard for me to mention this zombie got no points ahuuhhuu .ya know (*sobs)  
  
Rinoa: That is so unfair you "meanies" meany meany meanyyyy!!!  
  
Odine: I'm the hozt here zo I know vat iz the right anzwer young lady, it'z not my fault if you're not az intelligent az me!  
  
Caraway: Hey don't talk to my daughter like that!!  
  
Laguna: Calm down, Caraway!  
  
Kiros: My friend is right sir Caraway!  
  
Laguna: HEY YOU LITTLE IMP! GOOD FOR NOTHING CLOWN DONT.   
  
Ward:.   
  
Kiros and Cid: Calm down Laguna!   
  
Rinoa: (*almost in tears) Bu..but that is true you can call Ifrit that way!   
  
Squall: Calm down Rinoa, maybe he wants you to prove if you can call Ifrit that way! Then grant his wish Rinny!  
  
Rinoa: Okay Squally, HELL FIRE!   
  
IFRIT: GRRR   
  
Squall: Hey Ifrit Odine said a while ago that you're a good for nothing GF   
  
IFRIT: (*attacks Odine with his Fire ball)!!!! GRRRARRRR!!   
  
Odine: ARGGGGGG HOT HOTTTTTT! WATERRRRR HELPPPPP!!   
  
Raijin: Um we will pause for a break with some reminders from our sponsors and also to apply some ointment to our beloved (yuck) host! Don't go away! This game is getting hot ya know!  
  
(Commercial break)  
  
The author: I'll try to fix this fic.. k you can go on to the next chapter   
  
  
  
To be continued. 


	3. part 3

Battle of the Brains Part 3  
  
Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns everything!  
  
Continuation.  
  
Raijin: Welcome back! Now after applying the ointment to our host...  
  
Odine: I'm backkk!!!Aha Ahahaha!  
  
Quistis: Maybe they should not allow GFs here.  
  
Kiros: He's tough!  
  
Laguna: Thanks to Dr. Kadowaki's ointment he still livez I mean lives.  
  
Odine: We cannot accept the anzwer "hell fire" of the lazt conteztant becauze they almozt killed the handzome hozt of thiz zhow and that iz me, zo becauze of that incident the Dracula team will be disqualified!  
  
Audience: WHAT OH NO!  
  
Rinoa: It's all my fault huuhuhuhu!  
  
Squall: (*smiling) Welp At least we can go home! Yehey!!  
  
Odine: Whoopzz don't worry zince I have a golden heart, kind and mozt of all Handzome, I decided to give them another chance. They can ztill join the contest! Izn't that great!  
  
Audience: Yehey!  
  
Odine: Okay let'z continue "The battle of the brainzzz" For our average round, our firzt queztion iz, Vhat iz the color of the ZeeD uniform?  
  
Zombies: Klogg! Klogg!  
  
Fujin: WHITE?  
  
Seifer: Yes!  
  
Odine: darker than that!  
  
Imps: Burp! Burp!  
  
Irvine and Selphie: Dirty white?  
  
Odine: common darker than that  
  
Hotdogzilla: Fart! Fart!  
  
Zell: I'm sure for this one..ah..ah.. Dirtiest White!!!   
  
Odine: Sorry that's not the color!  
  
Dracula: Achoo!  
  
Rinoa: Black!!!  
  
Odine: Cream iz the right anzwer!  
  
Zell: I told you Ellone the answer for that one is cream. I knew it!   
  
Ellone: Sorry!   
  
Irvine: I'm not a SeeD so don't blame me Sephie!   
  
Selphie: I'm not blaming you!  
  
Seifer: Who cares!  
  
Fujin: CORRECT!  
  
Squall and Rinoa: Whatever!!!  
  
Odine: Zecond queztion for our average round, Karma Chameleon waz zung by. our clue for thiz one iz that the zinger'z name ztartz with letter B.  
  
Imps: Burp! Burp!  
  
Odine: Yez?   
  
Selphie: Beethoven?   
  
Odine: NO!   
  
Zombies: Klogg! Klogg!   
  
Fujin: BILL COSBY?   
  
Odine: No!   
  
Hotdogzilla: Fart! Fart!  
  
Ellone: Is it Bon Jovi?  
  
Audience and Zell: (*sings) "I wanna lay you down in the bed of roses!" Yeah!  
  
Odine: No!  
  
Dracula: Achoo!  
  
Audience: Bless you!  
  
Rinoa: Thank you! Um.Boy George?  
  
Odine: The correct anzwer iz BRITNEY SPEARZ  
  
Audience: OPPSS I DID IT AGAIN.  
  
Odine: lazt queztion for thiz round! Uh.. another GF queztion..eh.'kay It iz a GF that lookz like a giant dezert plant, clue for thiz iz that thiz GF ztartz with letter C.  
  
Zombies: Klogg! Klogg!   
  
Fujin: CARBUNCLE!!!   
  
Odine: zorry Albino girl!  
  
  
  
Imps: Burp! Burp!  
  
Selphie: Excuse us! Chocobo! Because I love chocobos!  
  
Odine: Zorry Mezzenger girl!  
  
Hotdogzilla: Fart! Fart!  
  
Ellone: How about Caraway? Yes Caraway  
  
Caraway: (*falls from his chair) ahheeeheee! Do I look like a GF?  
  
Rinoa: My father is not a GF, Ellone!  
  
Ellone: Sorry Rinny!  
  
Dracula: Achoo!  
  
Laguna: Alright you can make it Rinny!  
  
Kiros: I hope you can guess this one right!  
  
Ward: ......................................  
  
Laguna: Ohhh Ward that was long, ah Kiros please translate that to me!  
  
Kiros: He said that I was "right"  
  
Cid: Yippee  
  
Angelo: Bowowow  
  
Momba: Loire! Loire!  
  
Quistis: Oh Squall looks ill. Poor Squall!   
  
Trepies: Quistis! Quistis!   
  
Quistis: Arggg! SHOCKWAVE PULSA.  
  
Trepies: AHHH! NOT AGAIN!   
  
Laguna: Quistis stop that! Don't be so cruel to them! They're also humans!  
  
  
  
Trepies: Huhuhuhuuhu  
  
Laguna: They have feelings!  
  
Trepies: Right!  
  
Laguna: (*almost in tears) they're ALL here to support you!  
  
Trepies: (*crying) Right! ahhuhuuuu  
  
Quistis: whatever!   
  
Laguna: (*crying) They love you but what are you doing for them in exchange for that (*sobs) you're treating them as if they are.they are animals, monsters, ogres, Worthless things!!!  
  
Trepies: (*weeping) Ahuhuhuhuhu!Waaaahhhh sob* sob* wahhh!   
  
Laguna: You're heartless!   
  
Trepies: Right! ahuhuhu   
  
Quistis: If you want to, you can have them!   
  
Laguna: Huh?   
  
Trepies: Huh? Quistis?   
  
Quistis: I said you could have them! I don't need them after all!  
  
Trepies: (*thinks) Yeah you're right! Okay from now on we're not your fans anymore! Since Mr. Laguna likes us..you can call us..  
  
Lagunies: Lagunies! Laguna! Laguna!  
  
Laguna: Oh no me and my big mouth!  
  
Rinoa: Cactuar! Isn't right partner?  
  
Squall: ....(*whispering)I'm not feeling well Rinny.. aghh!  
  
Odine: The appropriate anzwer for that iz "CID", why that iz my former co- hozt!  
  
Cid: Hey? Why me? Excuse me I'm not a Cactus? I'll pierce you Odine with my thorns, you'll see!  
  
Odine: Let'z have our recap for thiz game, Raij!  
  
Raijin: (*sleeping) Zzzzzzzzzzzzz!!  
  
Odine: RAIJINNNNNNNNN!!!!  
  
Raijin: Oh yeah um what? Oh yes the scores for this game um.. no points for all ya know!!!  
  
Selphie and Irvine: Yehey we have no points!  
  
Zell and Ellone: Yippee no points Yahoo  
  
Rinoa and Squall: Whatever!!!  
  
Odine: And now for our final round! Let'z play Battle of Brainzzz!  
  
Contestants (*except for Squall): Yey!!  
  
Odine: I hope zomeone will bring home the bacon!  
  
Zell: Bacons? Um can you change that prize into hotdogs?  
  
Odine: Gozh! (*never mind) Let'z ztart thiz round with a cutty cute cute Fairy tale queztion  
  
Elle, Sephie and Rinoa: Weeeee lliiiiiiiiiiiikeeeeee cuttttttty cuuuuuuuteee Fairy tales!  
  
Odine: Complete thiz title : Znowhite and the seven __________, the clue for thiz seven iz that it ztartz with the letter D and they are zmall and cute.  
  
Zombies: Klogg! Klogg!   
  
Seifer: (*thinks) Starts with letter D and they are cute ..hmmm. according to my "Einstein" brains, the answer for that silly "fairy tale" question is...  
  
Fujin and Seifer:(*in unison) DIAPERS! SNOWHITE AND THE SEVEN DIAPERS!  
  
Raijin: Yeah that's right! I'm so impressed ya know!!! You're so genius, like me; cute and handsom...  
  
Odine: Raij! ZHUT UP!  
  
Seifer: Bu.but whyyyyyy? You're insulting me! You.You (*sobs)  
  
Imps: Burp! Burp!  
  
Odine: Try your luck Impz  
  
Irvine and Sephie: mini diapers! Snowhite and the seven mini diapers!  
  
Odine: Bad luck! Yez anyone?   
  
Hotdogzilla: Fart! Fart!   
  
Cid: You two must see Dr. Kadowaki for check-up!  
  
Zell: So if it is not a diaper and absolutely not a mini diaper then...let me calculate things so snowhite and the seven.hmmm carry one, borrow one cannot be, borrow one from the second, divide by one, minus one, square root of one..umm.  
  
Odine: fazter! Your time iz almost up!   
  
Ellone and Zell: the answer is Snowhite and the seven itty-bitty-tinny- winny yellow polka dot DIAPERS!   
  
Odine: No diapers pliz! No it'z not diaperzzzzz!   
  
Dracula: Achoo!   
  
Audience: Bless you again!   
  
Rinoa: Since Squall is not feeling well, I'll answer that one for him! The answer is SNOWHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS!  
  
Odine: HA! Did you juzt zay Dwarfzzzzz?  
  
Rinoa: Yeah!  
  
Odine: As in Dwarfzzzzz?  
  
Caraway: Way to go Baby!! Yahoo!!  
  
  
  
Laguna: Finally! My son and his Girlfriend have 1 point!!! I'm so excited! Boy I'm so excited!!  
  
Caraway: (*raises his eyebrow) your son's girlfriend?  
  
Laguna: oopppppsss (*he doesn't know about this)  
  
Lagunies (*former Trepies): Laguna! Laguna!  
  
Quistis: Hey You Trepies You should cheer my name!  
  
Momba: Laguna! Laguna!  
  
Angelo: Laaaaaaguuuna Lagunaaa!!  
  
Laguna: Hey you too?  
  
Kiros: I taught him a new trick and that is to say your name.  
  
Laguna: Oh brother, Oh sister, Oh mother, Oh father...  
  
Odine: If you zay Dwarfz then you're VRONGGGGG because the correct anzwer iz Znowhite and the seven Dragon ballz! Hahahahahhaha..  
  
Griever: (*sings) NO TEN PI KAN!   
  
Caraway: What?   
  
Cid: Incorrect?  
  
Laguna: I can't believe it  
  
Rinoa: What??? Oh no! Sorry Squall! Now the host is laughing at me! Oww how terrible  
  
Squall: (*whispers) Rinoa there's nothing wrong with your answer.  
  
Seifer: (*to the other team) Hey you guys! Look!  
  
Other team: What?  
  
Seifer: the Puberty boy is whispering something to his "GF" Let's listen to them  
  
Other team: Righty!   
  
Squall: (*consoling Rinoa) that harebrained, despicable, ridiculous, wacky, silly clown is just using us for this show.   
  
Rinoa: Squall? Are you alright?   
  
Squall: Yes! In fact I remember everything!   
  
Rinoa: Everything?   
  
Squall: Yeah everything (*he narrated to her all the things that happened to them from the last show) there see!  
  
Rinoa: Yes! I do remember now! I'll tell the others!  
  
Seifer and others: Ahhhhhhh!! Owwwww!!!   
  
Seifer: Yes I do remember it now! But what happened to us? Can't remember anything? Hmm probably the excessive use of Gfs. Um.. What shall we do?  
  
  
  
Squall: Just keep playing this stupid game. Let him finish this show for this is his last!  
  
Seifer: Whatever you say Mr. Commander!  
  
Odine: Next, He'z the meanezt, toughest, Ugliezt and mozt probably more powerful enemy than Ultimecia. Ztartz with letter U.  
  
Hotdogzilla: Fart! Fart!  
  
Zell and Ellone: U as in Udine!   
  
Odine: Hey! No! No! nO!!!!   
  
Raijin: Hahaha you're wrong!   
  
Imps: Burp! Burp!  
  
Irvine and Sephie: Ultimate warrior!  
  
Odine: He'z not a wreztler!  
  
Raijin: Incorrect haha!  
  
Zombies: Klogg! Klogg!  
  
Seifer and Fujin: Undertaker  
  
Raijin: Yes! that's right ya know  
  
Odine: I zaid he'z not a wreztler!  
  
Dracula: Achoo!  
  
Squall and Rinoa: (*Excited) Ultima weapon!  
  
Odine: Poor Children! The anzwer for that one iz ULTRAMAN!!!  
  
Seifer and fujin: (*smirks) Yehey we're wrong!  
  
Zell and Ellone: Alright!  
  
Rinoa and Squall: Hahahahaha!  
  
Laguna: Eh? They're happy because they don't know the right answer?  
  
Caraway: Oh no! My daughter is going nuts!  
  
Odine:Raij give uz the zcorez before I give the final queztion!  
  
  
  
Raijin: Okay no scores for all!   
  
Squall and others: (*clapping their hands) Yehey we don't have any scores!   
  
Odine: Okay guyz thiz iz your lazt chance to win 1 million gils! Now for the final queztion, lizten carefully. GF Griever iz vhat kind of animal? Clue iz that it ztartz vith letter L  
  
Hotdogzilla: Fart! Fart!   
  
Zell: Lice?   
  
Odine: Bigger than that!   
  
Ellone: Elephant lice!   
  
Odine: Larger than that!  
  
Zell: I know, I know Dinosaur Lice!!!  
  
Odine: Hmmp!  
  
  
  
Imps: Burp! Burp!  
  
  
  
Irvine: Lizard   
  
Odine: Bigger than a lizard!  
  
Sephie: Big scary Lizard with big scary teeth!  
  
Zombies: Klogg! Klogg!  
  
Odine: Yez?  
  
Seifer: Bigger than Lizard eh.hmm. Alligator?  
  
Odine: Nope  
  
Fujin: Lacoste? It is a big company!  
  
Odine: How about Dracula team?  
  
Squall and Rinoa: Barney?  
  
Odine: Oh Guyz I'm zo zorry We don't have any vinner for today! Zo the jackpot prize: 1 million gilz will be given to the mozt handsome, intelligent and macho hozt of the zhow!! And that iz ...  
  
Seifer: In your dreams pal!  
  
Odine: Vhat?  
  
Audience: Huh?   
  
Seifer: You don't expect that we will recover from this amnesia Mr. Twisted tongue Imp!  
  
Fujin: AFFIRMATIVE!  
  
Zell and Ellone: (*imitating the Fujin's voice) POSITIVE!  
  
Irvine, Selphie and Rinoa: Meany! Meany! meannyyyyy!  
  
Audience: What is happening?  
  
  
  
Zell: Yo Guys! Let us show this clown whom is he dealing with!  
  
Irvine, Sephie, Elle, Rin, Seif, Fu: Yeah!   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Odine: Yikezzz!!!  
  
Ellone: I'll warp you into another dimensio..  
  
Selphie: Do over Triple Ultim..  
  
Rinoa: Angel Win.  
  
Fujin: ZA..  
  
Irvine: (*gets his shotgun)  
  
Zell: MY FINAL HEAVE.  
  
Seifer: YOUR UGLY AND BRAINLESS HEAD IS MINE YAHHHH... CROSS FIRE  
  
Odine: Ahhhhhhhh!  
  
Audience: (shock)  
  
Squall: (*stops them from attacking Odine) WAIT! Don't be so aggressive guys!  
  
Others: Huh?  
  
  
  
Odine: Thank you zquall Ahahaha! (*hides behind Squall)  
  
  
  
Squall: Odine, go hide behind those bars so that they cannot hurt you.  
  
Odine: Hahaha! You're vonderful! (then Squall locked him in)  
  
Seifer: Squall? I don't' get it? You're helping this guy?  
  
Rinoa: Why?  
  
Zell: (*worried) I thought..I thought.(sobs)   
  
Odine: (*teasing the SeeDs) Nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh   
  
Squall: Guys look! I know you're all itching to slaughter this guy. But think again, aren't you guys grateful and honored that he chose us to play Battle of the brains. That only means that we're clever enough to join this show!  
  
Odine: Right! (sobs)   
  
Seifer: hmm.wow I'm clever   
  
Zell: (raises his hand) Um..Squall I do have a question, what exactly you want us to do?  
  
Squall: We will give him a prize!  
  
Irvine: What prize?  
  
Squall: I'll ask all of you including the audience a question and some choices. Then we will decide of what we will give him as a reward.  
  
Audience: okay!   
  
His friends: Whatever you say!   
  
Squall: In view of the fact that this clown, I mean this handsome [audience: Yuck], intelligent [his friends: Liar], and super macho [*in his mind~ In his dreams] host [Odine: That'z me Ahahaha] gave us the chance to be a part of this show, which means that we owe him something. Now, for my question, what will do or give to him to honor or appreciate his good deeds? Is it A. We will make a Statue of Odine and display it in front of the fire cavern.  
  
Laguna: (curious) Do you know how to make a statue?   
  
Squall: Of course! We will just simply dissect Odine using our Gunblades, throw all his organs and stuffed it cotton!  
  
Audience: (disgusted) uhhh  
  
Odine: Vhat?  
  
Seifer: I like that idea!  
  
Squall: Next prize, B. Seifer will cook the "Seifer's Odine Ala King"   
  
Audience: Wow Yummy!  
  
Cid: Odine ala King?  
  
Squall: Seifer will use his limit break to chop and slice Odine and fry with Firaga until he is golden brown.   
  
Odine: Gulp*   
  
Audience: Yuck   
  
His friends: Even better!   
  
Squall: C. We will just forgive Odine, forget all the silly things that he brought us, and lock this place so that he cannot do these things again.  
  
His friends: That's unfair!  
  
Odine: Letter C, LETTER C!!!!  
  
Squall: Or D. All of the above except letter c, meaning both A and B! I want all of you to think and vote now. (Squall gives them time to think)  
  
Cid: I will not allow this violence to my garden!  
  
Caraway: Me too!  
  
Laguna: hmmm..I don't know. How about you Kiros?  
  
Kiros: But we must teach that clown a lesson!  
  
Ward: ....  
  
Angelo: Grrr arf arf!  
  
Momba: Loire loire  
  
Lagunies: We don't care about him! Laguna laguna!  
  
Quistis: Welp I don't like to see Odine everyday in the fire cavern. That would be a nightmare!  
  
Squall: So friends what will it be?  
  
Zell and Ellone: D! all of the above!   
  
Fujin, Irvine and Sephie: D! all of the above!   
  
Squall: 5 votes for D, kay next, yes sweetie?   
  
Rinoa: Um.. I don't know. I'm still thinking!  
  
Squall: Okay I'll just call you again later.   
  
Seifer: Definitely letter D!   
  
Squall: 6 votes for D, audience?   
  
Cid: I strongly disagree with the 3 violent ideas so maybe I'll chose letter C!   
  
Caraway: C!  
  
Laguna: Although all of you hate him, I cannot allow you all to act like terrorist especially you Squall because you're my son! We should forgive and forget! So letter C!  
  
Angelo and Momba : Hurrah! Laguna!  
  
Lagunies: Laguna! Laguna!  
  
Laguna: Thank you! thank you!   
  
Kiros: C!   
  
Quistis: Sorry guys! Although I like you guys to have fun with him, to avenge for what he did, well as your instructor, we should not do things like that so my answer is letter C! Forgive and forget  
  
Squall: Ward?  
  
Ward: .  
  
Kiros: I'll translate that to all of you. He said that his answer is letter c because although he hated Odine so much, he doesn't like the idea that you will torture him just to take vengeance for what he has done to all of you. Okay let's say that you have accomplished your goal, then what? His ghost will haunt all of you...would you like that to happen?  
  
Odine: Yezzzz!  
  
  
  
Squall: Whoaa that was emotional and quite long for Ward's short response! Folks we have a tie 6 votes for letters C and D  
  
Seifer: A tie? Oh bummer! What now! Hey Squall we cannot accept Ward's answer because we're not sure if Kiros is telling the truth about Ward's vote!  
  
Zell and others: Yeah!  
  
Squall: Don't worry! We still have Rinoa to VOTE! So what will it be Rinny?  
  
Rinoa: I'll stick with my father's answer sorry guys, Mr. Ward is right! I'm scared of ghost! I  
  
Squall: A tie again!  
  
Odine: Yahoo! Yippee!  
  
  
  
Zell: How about you Squall? Please vote so that we can decide now on what will be the fate of that lunatic mor..  
  
Ellone: Yes please vote!   
  
Squall: Okay! I'll vote! I'll choose letter.   
  
His friends: (*crossing their fingers) D D D D D!   
  
Audience: C C C C C C!  
  
Squall: Between C and D I'll choose letter..  
  
  
  
Odine: C C C C C C!!!  
  
Squall: Like my father and Rinoa said I'll choose letter C!  
  
  
  
Odine: BRAVO! NIZEE ANZWER!   
  
His friends: WHAT! Supermega bummer!tsk tsk tsk!   
  
Squall: Okay guys The C votes have it! Let's leave this place, come on let's go!  
  
His friends: Ohh! KillJoy!  
  
Audience: Hay at last we could rest!   
  
Laguna: Nice decision Squall! I know you're a good boy! (*rub Squall's head)   
  
Squall: That was nothing dad! guys let's go home and close this place.   
  
Audience: Okay  
  
Seifer: You let us down Squall! I thought you want us to get even with that monster!  
  
Squall: Yes that is true!  
  
Zell: then why do you choose letter C instead of D? (*Odine can still be heard laughing)  
  
  
  
Squall: (*ignoring them) Um.Wait Guys!   
  
Audience and his friends: Huh?  
  
  
  
Squall: We're forgetting something; Say Goodnight and goodbye to Odine!  
  
Audience: Goodnight Odine! Good bye  
  
Odine: Bye bye and thank you hahaha  
  
Squall: Good night Odine and Sweet dreams or should I say Sweet nightmares!  
  
  
  
Odine: thank yo.Vhat?   
  
Squall: And oh.please take care of my pet Griever!  
  
Odine: Griever? (oh no thiz cage?)  
  
His friends: (smiling) Ow yes that is Griever's cage! You're truly a genius Squall! Whoo hoo way to go Squall!  
  
Odine: VHAT? GRIEVER'Z CAAAAGEE  
  
Squall: And Griever..  
  
Griever: YES MASTER! Anything just don't do that limit break again! Meow!  
  
Squall: MAKE HIM BLEED!!! HAHAHA good night Odine! Okay friends let's lock this place  
  
Griever: ROAR!  
  
Odine: OH NO Nice kitty kitty  
  
Griever: SHOCKWAVE PULZAR! ROAR!  
  
Odine: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! ARGGGGGGGGGGG!! HELPPPPPP!!  
  
  
~ the end ~  
  
The author: Welp yes..another happy ending. Comments? Suggestions? Any violent reactions? Just lemme know. Any reviews will be accepted, but please don't kill me. 


End file.

Final Fantasy VIII, Humor