Bleach 1. The Beginning

**A/N: First chapter! Hurray! **

**Warnings: Rated T for mild cursing. Yaoi. There will be many pairings, ByaIchi being the most obvious one.** **This sort of (kind of) follows the general plotline of Disney (TM)'s Cinderella but will be very different by the end. **

**Disclaimer: Do not own.**

_**!**_

"ICHIGO! GET YOUR LAZY ASS DOWN HERE AND MAKE BREAKFAST!" The annoying voice of Ichigo's step"mother", Charlotte Coolhorn-Kurosaki, grated on his ears.

Ichigo sighed as he buried his head deeper in the pillow. He knew it was a futile effort, but Ichigo tried to remain asleep.

"ICHIGO!" Charlotte's voice rang out.

"ALRIGHT! I'M UP!" Ichigo shouted as he sat up in bed. _Wham! _Ichigo sat up too fast and hit his head on the low-hanging ceiling. He muttered a curse as his fingers fumbled around for the latch of his window. Ichigo found it and opened the meager window.

The sunny morning cast light onto Ichigo's bedroom, but seeing the small room was more depressing than fumbling around in the dark. Hardly more than a closet, Ichigo's sparse lodgings consisted of a bed, a closet, and a door. Oh, and a crate of old junk under his bed. Everything of consequence Ichigo owned (not that that was much, anyway) was stored in the small dark closet in the corner of his small dark room.

Ichigo looked out his window as he got out of bed. It was a bright, cheery Monday morning in the kingdom of Seireitei. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining and the light breeze brought pleasant scents from the harbor. It was the kind of Monday Ichigo wanted to strangle and bang against the wall for existing.

He threw on his usual clothes (black leather vest, cream-colored crinkled shirt and black pants tucked into black leather boots) and left his room to make his step-family breakfast.

Ichigo's room had a really clever design. Originally intended as a hidden closet, the door blended so well into the wall you would miss it if you didn't know it was there. Indeed, sometimes you would miss it even if you knew it was there. All the better for the Kurosakis. They liked to pretend Ichigo didn't exist anyway. Ichigo preferred the mutual hate relationship as opposed to the forced 'family love' his co-worker/part-time friend Uryuu Ishida and his father, Ryuuken shared. Ryuuken and Uryuu could barely stand each other because they were so different. Uryuu, well, was a delinquent just like Ichigo and Ryuuken was a doctor in the royal palace. Needless to say, the 'family love' was a bit strained.

Ichigo's father was long dead and his mother even longer. Until he was 20 and old enough to inherit, he was stuck with the remaining Kurosakis. Ichigo had no intention of letting them stay in the house past his 20th birthday. (In fact, he was already making plans to kick them out.)

Ichigo ran down the stairs of his mansion to the well-stocked kitchen. Normally, Ichigo wouldn't do jack shit for Charlotte, Hisana, or Rukia but cooking was a passion of his and Ichigo knew exactly what spices would make them have 'bowel issues' later.

He quickly cooked some scrambled eggs and bacon and placed them on the dining room table in front of the waiting Hisana and Charlotte.

"Is this low-calorie?" Hisana whined.

"Depends on how powerful your imagination is," Ichigo shot back.

"You can eat in the kitchen," Charlotte informed him.

"Sure thing, stepfather!" Ichigo loathed when the Kurosakis treated him like a servant, so he insulted them as much as possible. It was only fair, really! Ichigo was a nice person. He just didn't act that way around people he hated! That's fair, right?

Charlotte screamed a curse at Ichigo and flung something at him which he (of course) evaded and ducked into the kitchen. After Masaki's death, Isshin had wanted a mother-figure for Ichigo but couldn't bring himself to marry another woman. So, Isshin compromised and married a transvestite who happened to be a total bitch/bastard. Ichigo was rather curious as to how Charlotte had two daughters who looked like him but claimed never to have sex with a woman. _Life's little mysteries,_ he supposed.

He had finished scarfing his breakfast when Rukia came down. Rukia was fairly different from her mother/father and sister, meaning Ichigo couldn't discern any personality from her at all. She rarely spoke and when she did, she was practically inaudible. Once Ichigo had seen her feeding a starving bunny on the sly, but other than that small act of kindness, Ichigo had never seen Rukia express any emotion to any living being.

"Breakfast's in the dining room," Ichigo told Rukia. She mumbled a reply, hopefully a 'thanks' but Ichigo couldn't hear her at all.

Shrugging, Ichigo left the house as he went to work for the day.

_**!**_

Ichigo ran down the street to the bar that was his base of operations. It was in the shadier part of the city, but Ichigo knew how to fight. If that wasn't enough, he carried concealed knives. If that wasn't enough, well, Ichigo deserved what he got. Ichigo paused in front of the bar before entering.

The Ice Dragon was a popular hangout for all types of unsavory characters. It was owned by a dangerous child, Toshiro Hitsugaya, and his voluptuous older sister, Rangiku Matsumoto. Toshiro handled the money and security while Rangiku took care of the actual bar stuff, like the alcohol. The two ran the bar by day and offered protection and an HQ for the many underworld operations who were based here, including Ichigo's own group of friends.

Ichigo entered the dilapidated building. It didn't look like much, but Ichigo knew the Ice Dragon could be a death trap to those who were unwelcome there. There was a reason the Ice Dragon was so popular with criminals (and it wasn't just the amazing sake).

"You're late," a voice informed him. Ichigo let his eyes adjust to the dim light before replying. He was alone in the front room save one familiar face.

"Hey, Shinji," Ichigo said to the bartender who was wiping down the counter with a rag. Shinji Hirako worked as a part-time bartender when Rangiku and her friends were busy. Ichigo and Shinji were close friends but Ichigo didn't know exactly what Shinji did for a living. Ichigo assumed he was better off that way. The hot blonde made allusions to a gory line of employment and Ichigo didn't want to be framed as an accomplice if business turned sour.

"You're late," the blond repeated. "Ishida's pissed at you."

"When isn't he pissed at me?" Ichigo asked. "I'll have some sake, by the way."

"Good point. Here's your sake," Shinji said as he handed Ichigo a bottle. "Go ahead; they're in the usual room."

"Thanks, Shinji! See you later!" Ichigo called over his shoulder. He walked to a shady corner of the room and pushed open a well-concealed door. Inside, a group of people were already gathered around a circular table under the solitary light.

"You're late, Kurosaki," Uryuu said disapprovingly. He pushed up his wire-frame glasses with his middle finger, subtly telling Ichigo 'Screw you'. Ichigo glared Ishida appreciatively. Ichigo liked Ishida. Like, _liked_ liked him. Oh yeah, Ichigo was gay. And if Ishida wasn't, well, he would be soon. Ichigo would ensure it.

"Sorry, boss!" Ichigo teased with a smirk. Uryuu was not amused.

"Sit down and shut up, Kurosaki. We have work to do." Uryuu gave Ichigo the glare of doom until Ichigo sat down quietly.

Ichigo looked around the table into the faces of his friends. Grimmjow Jeagerjaques, the break-in extraordinaire. He was the best at finding a way in to any building (or making a way in, if there was none) but lacked the true vision of a master thief. Rangiku Matsumoto was a shoo-in grifter for any high-level heist. She could sweet-talk any male (due to her voluptuous bosom) or female (due to her charming personality) into doing anything she wanted and was handy with all kinds of machinery. However, Rangiku seriously sucked at being quiet. Renji Abarai was the muscle of the operation. Sadly, he was just that: muscle. Not to say Renji was stupid; he didn't like having to think out a whole plan instead of just his part. And then of course, there was Ishida Uryuu who was the resident mastermind, genius and amazing archer.

Uryuu had assembled the usual team of thieves for an elevated-risk heist, so Ichigo guessed they were stealing something important, guarded by something fun to break into, like a castle. Or a morgue.

Not to be conceited or anything, but Ichigo knew he was a master thief, most likely one of the (if not _the_) best in the land. Ichigo couldn't stand being on the right side of the law. Why let a talent go to waste when you could get rich off of it? Ichigo and Uryuu shared the same aesthetic: only steal from people who can afford it or are total jerks. That's why they worked so well together despite their conflicting personalities.

"Now that we're all here," Uryuu paused to give a disapproving look to Ichigo. "This's what we're stealing." Uryuu presented a rough sketch of a some random king's face and shoulders.

"We're stealing some dude's face?" Renji asked skeptically.

"_Obviously_ not. We're stealing a bronze bust of this guy's face. It's in the royal palace," Uryuu said.

"But why would we bother stealing something bronze?" Interjected Rangiku. She leaned forward in her seat and pointed out, "We can get something lighter, more valuable, and something less heavily guarded with less effort and risk."

"Your points are all valid and I would agree the risk is not worth a bronze statuette." Uryuu paused for dramatic effect. "If the statue was completely bronze, that is." He flipped the page on the sketchbook he was holding to show the outline of the statue filled with little squares. "It's filled with diamonds."

The affect was instantaneous. Renji broke out into a huge grin, Rangiku beamed and flipped her hair, Grimmjow smirked and Ichigo frowned. Uryuu alone remained emotionless.

"Where did you get this info from? It sounds highly improbable. Why would they leave the statue in a vulnerable position? In fact, why would the palace people fill a bronze statue with diamonds instead of putting them into a safe in the first place? This sounds like thieves' nirvana. Way too perfect," Ichigo said.

"Don't be such a downer, Ichigo!" Rangiku chastised.

"No, he's right," Uryuu said. "It _does_ sound too perfect. That's why it is perfect!"

They all stared at Uryuu blankly.

He sighed and said, "Don't you get it? The palace people knew thieves would target safes and vaults, so they concealed their diamonds in a place no one would bother to check!"

"That's what they thought, anyway. They didn't count on our genius," Grimmjow smirked.

Ichigo remained unconvinced. "I still think this sounds too perfect. Where did you get this info?"

"I was talking to an off-duty palace guard. He was bitching about the new security in the Hall of the Arts and after a few drinks, I was able to get him to tell me why," Uryuu said plainly.

Ichigo snorted. "So we're taking the word of a drunk palace grunt who probably doesn't know a diamond from cheap cubic zirconium? That's sounds like a great idea!" He said sarcastically.

"Yes. It is a great idea! So shut up and let's go steal it!" Grimmjow said with a snarl.

"Fine, whatever. But if we die on this job, I totally blame you guys," Ichigo said.

Uryuu shrugged. "Fair enough."

_**!**_

**So yeah! Thanks for reading, reviews are appreciated, and have a nice internet-using experience!**


	2. The Heist Gone Wrong

**A/N: Yay! 2****nd**** chapter! Thank you to all who reviewed; cookies and internets to you! The plotline has not yet emerged, but it's coming!**

**Warning: Cursing. This chapter /does/ have Grimmjow in it, after all.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Bleach, Aizen and Gin would switch places. Just for giggles. (I could totally see Gin as a trolling megalomaniac, can't you?)**

_**!**_

**Previously:**

"_**Now that we're all here," Uryuu paused to give a disapproving look to Ichigo. "This's what we're stealing." Uryuu presented a rough sketch of a some random king's face and shoulders.**_

"_**We're stealing some dude's face?" Renji asked skeptically.**_

"_**Obviously not. We're stealing a bronze bust of this guy's face. It's in the royal palace," Uryuu said.**_

"_**But why would we bother stealing something bronze?" Interjected Rangiku. She leaned forward in her seat and pointed out, "We can get something lighter, more valuable, and something less heavily guarded with less effort and risk."**_

"_**Your points are all valid and I would agree the risk is not worth a bronze statuette." Uryuu paused for dramatic effect. "If the statue was completely bronze, that is." He flipped the page on the sketchbook he was holding to show the outline of the statue filled with little squares. "It's filled with diamonds."**_

_**!**_

"So tell me, why are we doing this again?" Ichigo hissed. He, Uryuu, Renji and Grimmjow were strapped to the underside of a cart full of zucchinis. The road to the palace was bumpy, muddy and all-around gross. Mud splattered onto the boys' black-clad bodies from the rain.

"Because we are stealing and selling fancy rocks stuffed inside a dead dude's head," Grimmjow hissed back.

"In a nutshell, yes." Uryuu murmured.

"Shut up, you guys! We're almost there and they'll hear your bitching," Matsumoto silenced them.

The stifling silence was only broken by the pouring rain and the creaky wheels of the cart.

"Who goes there?" The clichéd call of a palace guard rang out.

"A shipment and its carrier," Rangiku called back.

"Denied. Leave." The guard said, bored. Ichigo mentally cursed. He wished he could be up with Rangiku, but Ichigo knew his temper was short and he'd soon resort to violence. Ichigo would only be in Rangiku's way and that was somewhere he didn't want to be.

"Awww, don't be so quick to judge," Matsumoto said flirtatiously. The carrot-top threw back the hood of her cloak and exposed her beautiful face and a bit of her, ahem, "womanly assets".

The guard predictably spluttered and Ichigo imagined he was blushing. That was good. The shy type of guy was easier to manipulate because they were just so damn shy. There was this one time where a not-so-shy guard kept pervily hitting on Rangiku and Ichigo and Grimmjow had to beat him up to get him to stop (Rangiku was like a little sister to them; albeit one with watermelon-sized breasts.).

"Go in!" The guard choked out in a high-pitched voice.

"Thanks, sugar," Rangiku purred. Then the cart was in motion again.

They passed the grand main entrance and stopped in front of the innocuous servant/merchant's entrance. Rangiku stopped the cart.

"Okay, we're here. I'll stall as long as possible, but be fast. You've got 45 minutes on the clock," Rangiku said, all sultry tones gone to be replaced by whispered business.

"Gotcha. Let's go, Grimmjow." And with that, Ichigo and Grimmjow were gone.

"Race you to the top," Grimmjow smirked. They ran to the wall and began scaling freehand. Whoever designed the royal palace was kind enough to place strategic hand- and foot-holds in the form of elaborate arches, intricate windows, and other complex architectural feats, perfect for thieves.

Ichigo climbed and climbed endlessly, _feeling_ his way up rather than seeing. Visibility was zero due to the pounding rain and wind. Finally, his gloved fingers felt a ledge which was in fact not a ledge, but the roof of the palace. He hoisted himself up.

"How much time has passed?" Ichigo muttered to Grimmjow who was already on the roof.

"We scaled the palace in 18 minutes. That's a record! I beat you up, by the way," Grimmjow added.

"Do you even know where we're going?" Ichigo exasperatedly said.

"I was following you, man!" Grimmjow yelled.

"Shut up! People might hear you. It's this way," Ichigo led the way. They ran across the sloping, shingled roofs and leapt over the gaps between the many buildings of the palace until they reached a building with many skylights.

"Uryuu, Renji and Matsumoto should be in place by now. Let's go," Ichigo said.

The plan was for Ichigo and Grimmjow to drop through a skylight in the roof and take the statue (Renji would have already taken care of the guards) while Uryuu, Renji and Matsumoto watched the doors of the hall. Then everyone would escape through the skylight and the roof. As far as plans went, it wasn't a bad one, if a bit simple.

"Alright," Grimmjow was all business. "Tie this around your waist. Tight," he stressed as he brandished a rope at Ichigo.

"Got it," Ichigo was professional too. There would be time for joking and fighting later, back at the Ice Dragon, preferably over some sake.

"It took us 10 minutes to get here, so you'll have about 5 minutes to steal the damn statue and we'll have 22 minutes to make our great escape before the guards notice something's up," Grimmjow informed Ichigo as he forced open the skylight with a crowbar.

"No problem," Ichigo said as he finished tying the rope to the roof. "Later," he said as he jumped through to the great unknown that was the palace skylight.

The hall had a ridiculously high cathedral-style ceiling, so the fall lasted longer than Ichigo would've liked. He quietly landed in the center of the oblong hall. The only door was guarded by Renji on the outside and Uryuu and Rangiku on the inside. Ichigo nodded to them quickly and went to work.

Ignoring the other undoubtedly priceless treasures lining the walls, Ichigo made his way to the bust of the dead king. He rapidly sized up the protections on the statue. The palace staff obviously placed too much faith in its guards because all Ichigo could discern was a tripwire on the statue's base that would catch the would-be thief's hand. Ichigo snipped it with a small pair of shears designed specifically for this purpose.

Ichigo grabbed the statue and almost fell over because of its weight. "Uh guys? A little help here!" Ichigo called as he staggered under the statue's immense mass. Uryuu ran over as Rangiku opened the door to let Renji in. Together, Ichigo and Uryuu were able to shift the statue to where the rope hung slack.

"Uryuu, you go first, then Matsumoto and Renji. I'll tie the statue up so you guys can all haul it back up, then I'll climb up after it," Ichigo dictated. His team nodded in silent agreement. Uryuu climbed the rope quickly and quietly, followed by Rangiku who was just as efficient as he was. Renji was a bit slower, but he was also heavier and unused to rope climbing.

The plan was going perfectly until Renji was halfway up the rope. Then everything fell to pieces.

The doors slammed open as a young guard stared wide-eyed at the thieves. Before Ichigo could think to shut him up, the guard screamed, "In here! The intruders are in here!"

"Aww, fuck," Ichigo heard Grimmjow said distantly. The moment of paralysis passed and Ichigo frantically tied the statue to the bottom of the rope.

"Hurry up man!" Ichigo desperately yelled to Renji. He could hear the pounding of feet as a group of guards approached the still-open double doors.

"I'm trying, dude!" Renji screamed back. Finally, Renji reached the top and climbed onto the roof. The guards were almost there.

"PULL UP THE STATUE!" Ichigo shrieked.

"NO TIME!" Uryuu screamed back.

"GRAB ONTO IT!" Matsumoto added hysterically.

Ichigo complied and the trio started pulling them up just as a fleet of guards burst into the room.

"THERE! GET A LADDER!" One bellowed, pointing his sword at the figure of Ichigo dangling a few feet above their reach.

"HURRY THE FUCK UP!" Ichigo yelled.

"NO TIME! YOU'RE TOO HEAVY!" Uryuu repeated. "DROP THE STATUE!"

Ichigo's fingers fumbled with the knots binding the statue, but to his dismay Ichigo had done his work too well: the knots were too tight to untie.

"I CAN'T! PULL HARDER!" Ichigo screamed in despair. Some of the taller guards below were close to reaching him.

"WE CAN'T! CUT THE DAMN THING LOOSE!" Matsumoto was almost sobbing.

"I can't… I can't!" Ichigo knew the statue couldn't go; the ropes were too tight. He also knew if they waited any longer, escape would be impossible. Ichigo made his choice.

"Sorry, guys," Ichigo said as he ruefully smiled up at his friends.

"Kurosaki, you can't possibly be thinking of—" Uryuu said, horrified.

"Bye," Ichigo whispered as he let go of the rope and dropped into the mosh pit of deadly guards. The last thing he saw was the sorrowful faces of his friends. Then Ichigo blacked out.

**A sort-of cliffhanger! How fitting, given the title… **

**Juiceboxes for all who review! (And for those who don't but read anyway; I still love y'all!)**


	3. Gay Fairy God Uncles

**A/N: I just want everyone to know, Ayasegawa Yumichika is one of my favorite characters and is truly fabulous!**

**Warning: Cursing, yaoi, the usual**

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

_**!**_

**Previously:**

_**Ichigo's fingers fumbled with the knots binding the statue, but to his dismay Ichigo had done his work too well: the knots were too tight to untie.**_

"_**I CAN'T! PULL HARDER!" Ichigo screamed in despair. Some of the taller guards below were close to reaching him.**_

"_**WE CAN'T! CUT THE DAMN THING LOOSE!" Matsumoto was almost sobbing.**_

"_**I can't… I can't!" Ichigo knew the statue couldn't go; the ropes were too tight. He also knew if they waited any longer, escape would be impossible. Ichigo made his choice.**_

"_**Sorry, guys," Ichigo said as he ruefully smiled up at his friends.**_

"_**Kurosaki, you can't possibly be thinking of—" Uryuu said, horrified.**_

"_**Bye," Ichigo whispered as he let go of the rope and dropped into the mosh pit of deadly guards. The last thing he saw was the sorrowful faces of his friends. Then Ichigo blacked out.**_

_**!**_

The first thought Ichigo had once he woke up was, "Wow, my head hurts."

The second was, "Oh, shit!"

Ichigo remembered where he was and quickly sat up. _Wham! _

"Shit!" For the second time of the day, Kurosaki Ichigo was woken by hitting his head against a low ceiling. "This better not become a habit…"

"You know, talking to yourself is the first sign of madness," an amused voice behind him said.

Ichigo froze. He turned his head, very slowly, to avoid provoking the speaker. You never knew what kind of crazie was lodged in the bowels of the Imperial Prison like a gastrointestinal malfunction.

"Relax," the voice ordered. "Stressing is _so_ not fabulous."

Ichigo turned around and stared at the two people currently inhabiting his dark, gloomy cell with him.

If he saw them in the street one day, Ichigo wouldn't have thought they were felons. (To be fair, if he saw his friends in the street, Ichigo wouldn't have thought _they_ were felons either.) They looked more like circus performers.

Two men stood before him. One was taller than the other, with a stocky, muscular frame, a bald head, red markings around his eyes, and a fucking scary expression on his face, a combination of a 'I'm batshit insane!' face and a 'don't walk down a dark alley alone' face.***

The other one looked even less normal. He was slighter and shorter than the other and gave off a distinct feminine aura. He had glossy purple-black hair in an angular bob and red and yellow feathers decorating his right eye.

They both wore all-black. The baldie wore a muscle tee, a tunic, loose pants and boots. The feather-face wore a black turtleneck with an orange thing on it (sort of like a sewn-on scarf), tight black pants and boots.

"Who the hell are you?" Ichigo asked, now totally freaked out. He could've sworn he was alone in his cell like 5 seconds ago!

"I'm Yumichika Ayasegawa. This is Ikkaku Madarame. We're your guardian fairies," the purplette said in all seriousness.

Ichigo said nothing and looked in their faces for some indication they were joking. Finding none, he burst out laughing.

"Why the hell are you laughing, punk?" Ikkaku said aggressively.

"HAHAHA… DEAR KAMI THIS IS JUST TOO FREAKIN' HILARIOUS!" Ichigo was literally rolling on the floor, laughing out loud.

"Stop that! Snorting while you're laughing is so unfabulous!" Yumichika commanded.

Ichigo gradually stopped laughing after he stopped crying from the hilarity. "Oh, Kami, that was funny. Nice joke you guys. Now who are you?"

"We just told you!" Ikkaku was irritated.

"Like I'm going to believe that!" Ichigo said.

"Oh? How do you know we're lying?" Yumichika responded.

"Fairy godmothers only appear to virtuous blond girls," the berry said.

"Aah, but there's the beauty in it! We aren't fairy god_mothers_ because we're male! Consider us your gay fairy goduncles." Yumichika seemed pleased with himself.

Ichigo remained unconvinced. "If you are fairy gaypeople—"

"Which we are—" Yumichika interrupted.

"Then why did you appear to _me?_ I'm a thief! I'm not uptight blond bubblehead!" Ichigo said, also annoyed.

Yumichika's expression softened. He sat down on the cot next to Ichigo. "But you don't have to be. When your father disappeared, he left you something." He showed Ichigo a small handheld device. "It's a magical cell phone."

"It's a whaat?"

"I'll spare you the details. It summons your guardian fairies when you need them most," Yumichika said.

"And I need you guys most right now?" Ichigo said, finally catching on.

"Well, you're sitting in an underground Imperial jail cell, awaiting sentencing for your most heinous thefts with no hope of escaping. I'd say you need a bit of help," Yumichika said playfully.

"How do I know you're for real?" Ichigo asked.

"A demonstration? Alright! I shall make this cell fabulous for its next occupant!" Yumichika said gleefully.

He stood up and walked to the middle of the small room. Ikkaku moved to the side to give him more space. Yumichika considered his surroundings for a moment then waved his hand. Everything around Ichigo seemed to be made of melting cheese. It ran this way and that, pulled by a giant invisible hand covered in a layer of magical smog making it hard to see. By the end of the transformation, Ichigo felt rather queasy.

"Finished!" Yumichika seemed proud of his handiwork. Ichigo opened his eyes as his stomach settled. Indeed, the room looked much better. It was elegantly decorated with tasteful drapings of purple and gold silk with tasteful black furniture. The room now looked like it should be in a palace, not a dungeon.

Ichigo stood and walked to a low couch. He ran his hands over it to check that it was real and murmured, "You know, purple and gold are the official gay colors."

"No shit, Sherlock." Yumichika snorted in the most beautiful way possible.

"Who?" Ichigo asked absently. Everything seemed real. Was it possible those two eccentrics were legit?

"It's not important," Ikkaku said. "Are you convinced now, punk?"

Ichigo thought for a moment. Honestly, no, he wasn't. But what was the worst that could come of this?

"I guess," he said reluctantly.

"Awesome!" Yumichika bounced happily. "Alright, you get one wish!"

"Just one?" Ichigo asked indignantly.

"Never look a gift horse in the mouth," a pissed Ikkaku said. "What the hell is your wish?"

"Umm, let's see…" Ichigo pondered. "Get me out of this cell!"

Silence.

"That's it?" Yumichika asked flatly. He seemed almost annoyed at Ichigo's choice. "You could have everything you wanted in the world and all you ask for is to break out of a measly jail cell?"

"All the riches in the world won't do me any good if I'm rotting in prison. Get me out of here, please," Ichigo stated calmly.

"Fine!" Yumichika was pissed. "Your wish is granted and all that shit!" He waved his hand and Ichigo closed his eyes as the world again turned to melted cheese.

His feet hit the ground and Ichigo opened his eyes. The trio stood just outside the palace gates.

"Huh. You guys weren't lying. That's cool," Ichigo said, mildly amused.

"Well, our work is done here! C'mon, Ikkaku, let's go!" Yumichika grabbed his cell phone and held it high.

"…what exactly are you doing?" Ichigo asked.

"Trying to get fucking cell phone service! Gaah, I hate AT&T!" Yumichika had stopped holding his phone high and was now banging it against a conveniently well-placed rock.

"Stop that! You'll break the damn thing and we'll be stuck here forever!" Ikkaku yelled.

"We might be stranded here anyway. Look." Yumichika showed Ikkaku the phone's screen. Ichigo strained to see it but couldn't make anything out.

"No service. Looks like we _are_ stranded," Ikkaku said grimly. "Now what?"

"We hole up and wait for service," Yumichika said dismally. "But where will we stay?"

The two turned to stare at Ichigo, who backed away. "No. No way! No way in hell are you two staying with me!"

"Please, Ichigo! We _are_ your gay fairy goduncles, after all!" Yumichika pleaded. "Plus, we'll give you more wishes if you let us stay with you," Yumichika added when he saw Ichigo's scowl.

Ichigo sighed. He couldn't just _leave_ them there, not after all the trouble they went through to help him! "Fine. You can stay in my apartment above the Ice Dragon. But screw up anything, anything _at all_, and you're out."

"Yaay!" Yumichika rejoiced and Ikkaku scowled minutely less.

"But don't mess up anything!" Ichigo added, liking this idea less and less by the second.

"Oh don't worry," Yumichika said slyly. "We won't 'mess anything up.'"

Ichigo saw the look in Yumichika's eyes and nearly started crying.

***Many internets to those who get the capslock_bleach joke!

**A/N: Thanks for reading! REVIEWS! **


	4. The Bad Host

**A/N: I checked my email recently and came across a review mentioning how long it's been since I updated. Has it really been five whole months? I can't believe it's already May… :(**

**Warnings: More yaoi, more cursing. Mentions of illegal acts (obviously)**

**Disclaimer: Still do not own**

_**!**_

**Previously:**

"_**Who the hell are you?" Ichigo asked, now totally freaked out. He could've sworn he was alone in his cell like 5 seconds ago!**_

"_**I'm Yumichika Ayasegawa. This is Ikkaku Madarame. We're your guardian fairies," the purplette said in all seriousness.**_

_**!**_

Ichigo didn't know what had gone so wrong to reduce him to this. Hiding in an empty grave in the dark of night just to get away from the inhabitants of his apartment; well it's safe to say this was one of the lowest points ever in Ichigo's life.

It was cold and silent in the graveyard. Ichigo was hiding in a grave that had yet to be filled with an occupant and soil. The night was dark but the stars were out and the moon was full, so Ichigo stared at the night sky and tried not to feel claustrophobic.

The sound of boots on soil violently jerked Ichigo out of his moonlight reverie. People were coming! Ichigo scrambled for something, _anything,_ that could hide him. Of course, he found nothing, being in an empty grave and all. Ichigo huddled in a corner and pretended he was invisible.

The sound of laughter reached his ears as a bright lantern swung over the empty grave. A face peered in.

"Hey, there's a person in this one!"

Shit! Ichigo was caught. He just prayed it wasn't someone likely to murder him and put the grave to good use.

"Oi!" A thankfully familiar voice called. "What the hell is someone doin' in there?"

A second lantern shone brightly over the grave and Shinji's shit-eating grin appeared. "Oh, hullo Ichigo! Whatcha doin' down there?"

"Excellent question," Ichigo's slightly strained voice said. "Help me out of here and I'll tell you."

Shinji laughed. "Fair enough. Hey Kensei! Help me out here!"

A muscular man with silver hair and piercings helped Ichigo out of the grave. He stumbled out onto the ground.

"Thanks, man. I'm Ichigo."

"No problem," he said.

"Mind introducing me to your friends?" Ichigo asked. A group of 7 people stood around him, each holding a lantern that eerie highlighted their faces, making them look like vengeful spirits. _A fitting group to be lurking around a graveyard_, Ichigo thought.

"Of course! Where are my manners? You know me; the one who got you out of the grave is Kensei. The green-haired one is Mashiro, Kensei's sister. The one with glasses is Lisa. The afro-ed one is Love and blondie is Rose. And snaggle-tooth over here is Hiyori, my first love!"

The one named Hiyori smacked Shinji with her sandal. "You forgot Hachi, you idiot!" She glared at Ichigo. "Hachi isn't here right now because he's guarding the entrance to the graveyard."

Shinji recovered and held his sandal-printed cheek. "We're the Vizards, grave robbers extraordinaire!"

Ichigo laughed. "Grave robbers, huh? Honestly, I'm not surprised someone like you steals bodies from graveyards for a living."

Shinji grinned. "You wound me, Ichigo! We're not _just_ common criminals!"

"That's right. We're also mercenaries," Lisa said seriously.

"No kidding," Ichigo said thoughtfully. "Well, if I ever need to take out people en masse, I know who to call."

"Pretty much. Now why were you hiding in a grave, berry-tan?" Mashiro asked.

Ichigo ignored the berry comment. He got that a lot. Between his haircolor and his name, he'd heard it all before. "I have some… houseguests living with me and I came here to give them some space."

Shinji laughed loudly. "So the two nutters that've been living in your apartment in the Ice Dragon for the past week are driving you bonkers?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Ichigo admitted.

"Well congratulations, Ichigo. You've officially become the worst host ever if you're hiding in a graveyard to escape your guests," Rose added.

"Of corpse he is! Why else would he look so grave?" Love shot back.

"Well I've finally ditched my baggage and carrion, so I can loosen up," Ichigo added.

"Be sure to grab a bite to eat now that you're alone," Mashiro said with an evil twinkle in her eye. "You're looking positively skeletal!"

"Aye, almost at Death's door!" Kensei said. They all laughed, even Ichigo. Working with dead bodies gave one a macabre sense of humor and the puns _were_ funny (even if they were at his expense.).

"But enough of this corpse-ing around," Shinji said evilly. "You shouldn't be out here at night. Aren't your worried about grave robbers and thieves?" He teased.

Ichigo snickered madly and replied, "Alright, you win. I'll go home!"

"Good! I'll walk you to the exit," Shinji said. Together, they walked through the silent boneyard while the Vizards started their grisly work.

Shinji said nothing until Ichigo reached the exit. Then his expression grew serious and he pleaded, "Promise you won't tell? We could get into a lot of trouble with the law if even a rumor of grave robbing comes up!"

Ichigo stared intently at Shinji's mournful face. "Of course not! We're friends. I wouldn't do that to you!"

Shinji broke out into a grin. "And I know enough about _your_ criminal activities to make your life a hell, so a good deal all around!"

Ichigo laughed and waved as to Shinji as he jogged back to the Ice Dragon.

_**!**_

"I'm back!" Ichigo yelled as he slammed into his apartment and threw off his coat.

"Whoa!" He arrived to see his gay fairy goduncles playing tonsil hockey. "Aagh my brain! Do not need that image!" Ichigo shielded his poor eyes.

Yumichika extracted himself with slight difficulty. "Oh, hi Ichigo! I've been meaning to talk to you!"

"Can it wait? Y'know, to a time when you two _aren't_ making out on my couch?" Ichigo kept his eyes closed

"Shut up and sit down!" Ikkaku commanded.

"Fine! But only if you promise to stop making out!" The berry conceded.

"Okay, so, you know how we promised to give you more wishes if you let us stay with you?" Yumichika started. "Well… We can't."

"Only fairy godparents can grant more than one wish," Ikkaku explained further.

"What's the difference?" Ichigo asked.

"Fairy godparents can grant 3 wishes. Any other type of fairy relative can only grant 1," Yumichika said. "Well, fairy mother-in-laws can cast -1 but let's not go into that."

"So basically, you just lied to get me to let you stay?" Ichigo raised an eyebrow.

"Yup!" The ravenette confirmed cheerfully.

"Of course you did," Ichigo mumbled. "Ok then. Get out."

The two on the couch opposed him look appalled.

"You-you'd just kick us out? Onto the cold, freezing street in the middle of the night to STARVE?"

"You're fairy godparents! Can't you just wish yourselves stuff?" Ichigo argued.

Yumichika harrumphed. "_Obviously_ not if we're granting wishes to other people! And I thought we went over this! Gay. Fairy. GODUNCLES!"

"Right, sorry," Ichigo apologized.

"But wait! We're not useless!" Yumichika rushed to assure him. "We have an idea to help you!"

"Let it be clear that I have no affiliation with this idea," Ikkaku smirked. Yumichika looked betrayed and Ichigo started to get a headache. Who knew, maybe enough time with the two of them might restore his hair to a normal color, like gray or white!

"What's the idea?" Ichigo said.

"We…" Yumichika started dramatically, "Are going to help you find your true love!"

…

Ichigo thought he heard crickets chirping in the distance. "What the hell?"

Yumichika impatiently flipped his hair as Ikkaku tried to explain. "Yumichika has this thing for matchmaking. You'd better agree, Berry Boy, or he'll redecorate your apartment to ease the boredom."

"Hell no! I am perfectly fine with my bachelor status! I don't need to be tied down by some whiney bitch! I am _not_ joining this crazy-train!" Ichigo yelled.

"Ikkaku, could you… persuade… Ichigo to be a bit more open-minded?" Yumichika asked sweetly, making Ichigo fear for his life.

Ikkaku rolled his eyes. "The things we do for love…" he muttered as he tackled the berry.

_**!**_

_CRASH!_

Crown Prince Byakuya Shihoin-Kuchiki whipped his elegant head around as a glass-sounding object crashed down above a nearby bar.

"That didn't sound good," a soldier remarked, thinking he whispered too low for his prince to hear.

"Thank you kindly for repeating the obvious," Byakuya remarked sharply while gently halting his beloved white horse, Sebonzakura. "Do you believe it necessary to investigate the sound to see if someone is hurt?"

The soldier rode up next to Byakuya and saw the bar he gestured at. He laughed loudly. "Nah, my liege, the Ice Dragon's full of noises like that. Anyone who gets hurt there deserves it."

"I see," Byakuya said curtly. "Thank you, soldier, you are dismissed. Form ranks. We're close to the palace."

The soldier demurely rode back. Byakuya sighed with relief. The Sixth Company's soldiers were noisy and joyful after defeating nearby barbarians from the neighboring country Hueco Mundo. However, victory exacted its toll on the commanding officer who had been kept up night after night by the soldiers' revelries. Byakuya didn't blame them for celebrating; hell, he'd even cracked a smile himself, but the prince was in desperate need of a good night's sleep.

Byakuya urged Sebonzakura on through the cobbled streets. He was almost home.

_**!**_

"Uncle! Uncle!" Ichigo cried under Ikkaku's armbar. How was someone so muscular so _fast?_

"Let 'im go, 'kkaku," Yumichika said lightly. The other fairy released Ichigo and resumed his seat on the couch. The Kurosaki glared as he massaged his arm. "Aren't fairies supposed to be _nice?"_

"Now, what do you say about our offer?" the brunette cut in before Ikkaku could retort.

Ichigo glanced over at the menacing baldie and back to the eager brunette. "You could give a shot, I guess, but I doubt it'll go anywhere," Ichigo said reluctantly.

Yumichika laughed evilly. "Oh, just leave it to me!"

_**!**_

**Doesn't matter how late you read this after it's been posted, I still like reviews! Next update should come reasonably soon, but the one after that may take a bit more time…**


	5. Fishing with Dynamite and a Royal Plan

**A/N: ….hello. *dodges rotten vegetables* I'm aware it's been a bit of a long time since I last updated… but hey this chapter has a lot of plot in it! If you're interested in me continuing this story, please, please, PLEASE review! Otherwise I'll assume you people don't really care and just continue at my own pace (of like 4 months between updates)**

**Warning: yaoi, cursing, illegal things, the whole nine yards.**

**Disclaimer: Is not mine**

_**!**_

**Previously:**

"_**We…" Yumichika started dramatically, "Are going to help you find your true love!"**_

…

_**Ichigo glanced over at the menacing baldie and back to the eager brunette. "You could give a shot, I guess, but I doubt it'll go anywhere," Ichigo said reluctantly.**_

_**Yumichika laughed evilly. "Oh, just leave it to me!"**_

_**!**_

"I'm home!" _Well, sort of home, anyway,_ Ichigo thought.

No response, but Ichigo heard chatting. He followed his ears to the parlor where Charlotte and Hisana were talking. (Rukia was sitting quietly and petting some random bunny.)

"You!" Hisana jumped up and bounded over. "Have you heard about this awesome ball yet?"

"Ball? What type of ball? Football, baseball, volleyball…" He trailed off as Hisana melodramatically facepalmed.

"No, you imbecile! The royal ball will be held in the royal palace to royally choose a bride for the royal Crown Prince!" Hisana wailed.

"You really like the word 'royal', don't you?" Ichigo mused. "To answer your question, no. No, I haven't heard of this royal-ball thing."

Hisana and Charlotte simultaneously screeched. "I can't believe you haven't heard of the royal ball! It's a royal ball that'll be held in the royal palace to royally—"

"I got it, I got it!" Ichigo silenced them. "So, what's the big deal 'bout this ball thing, anyway?"

They glared. "It's a royal ball held the royal palace—"

"I GET IT!" Ichigo said frustratedly. "What's the _significance?"_

"The prince will be choosing a life partner from one of the people at the ball," Rukia answered quietly.

"Yes, a bride! And I intend to be that lucky, rich girl!" Hisana said, stars and money signs in her eyes.

"Uh-huh," Ichigo said to move the conversation along. Honestly, Ichigo couldn't care less about some stuck-up prince and his snobbish chick, but the ball could be a good distraction to steal something valuable. He'd mention it to Uryuu later.

"The woman or man who wins the prince's heart will be blessed with riches and marry into royalty. However, the crown prince is infamously cold-hearted and closed to all romantic advances. I've heard at the market this ball is a last resort to find someone for the prince to marry because he is just so unreceptive," Rukia added. Ichigo stared while Hisana and Charlotte prattled on. It was always the quiet ones, wasn't it?

"Thanks, Rukia," Ichigo replied quietly. "I'll see you later. I just came by to pick up a few things."

"Bye," she said. Ichigo left the room, not seeing Rukia mouth, 'save me!'

He ran up the steps to his concealed room and quickly grabbed some clothes. He carelessly tossed the dirties onto the floor, planning on washing them later. Ichigo left through the hidden back door, not wanting to see his in-laws anymore.

The brisk run to the Ice Dragon was made brisker by the chilly wind coming off the sea. Summer was drawing to a close and autumn was following close on its heels. Ichigo was kept warm from his new leather jacket Yumichika had graciously provided. Gay fairy goduncles with good taste weren't complete burdens.

"I'm here!" Ichigo announced as he entered the shady Ice Dragon. Shinji was nowhere to be seen, instead the stoic Kensei was wiping down bar with a damp rag. He nodded to Ichigo and gestured to the back room.

"Thanks," Ichigo mumbled, slightly intimidated by the older man. He hurried to small room.

"I'm here!" Ichigo announced again as he barged in.

"Glad to see you, Kurosaki!" The bubbly voice of Matsumoto greeted him. The same team from the last job was assembled.

"You are always the latest one here, Kurosaki. Timing is important in our world," Uryuu lectured and pushed up his glasses.

"Sorry, boss! Nice to see you too! The tip-off was helpful, no?" Ichigo asked courteously.

"Very. Now, let's get down to business," Uryuu noted. "Have you heard about this awesome ball yet?"

"Ooh! Ooh! Ooh ooh ooh! Me! Pick me!

Ichigo groaned internally. Rangiku could talk your ear off if you let her. "The royal ball is going to be held in the royal palace (which we all know and love) for the super-hot crown prince to pick someone to get with! There'll be pretty dresses and hot guys and the absolute _hottest_ guy _ever_ choosing a girl!" Rangiku squealed.

Renji coughed pointedly.

"Oh yeah, and it's a pretty good distraction so we can go steal something valuable," she added as an afterthought.

"So we go in to the far side of the palace and get something while all the security is at the ball?" Grimmjow asked.

"Not quite," Uryuu remarked. "We're going to steal something _at _the ball."

"Now why the hell would we do that? There's plenty of expensive crap that's easier to get to! And more importantly, it's _not_ in the center of attention! I thought we were going to take it easy after The Incident," Renji exclaimed.

"I agree with the bonehead," Rangiku added further, ignoring Renji's exasperated cry. "We were lucky Ichigo escaped the first time; I don't want to push our luck."

Ichigo hadn't exactly told his friends what had happened after he was captured in the palace, or "The Incident" as they had taken to calling it. All they knew was Ichigo broke out of the dungeons with the help of two grifters who were now living in his apartment.

"Think of it as a sort of therapy! The team takes a hit but comes off better than ever with this:" Uryuu brandished a sketch of a circular seal, "The Crown Prince's _personal_ seal and insignia! I talked to some professional counterfeiters and they're willing to shell out big time for this. It's a lot of gold, guys."

Ichigo looked around the table. Grimmjow looked interested but cautious remembering The Incident. Renji had looked bored but seemed to perk up at the mention of big money. Rangiku looked very doubtful but Uryuu seemed enthusiastic.

"I still don't know about this. How would we even get the seal? The prince carries it on his person at all times to prevent it from being stolen," Rangiku considered skeptically.

"Yes, and with ample distraction it would be a simple pickpocketing job," Grimmjow argued.

"What distraction were you thinking of, Uryuu?" Ichigo asked. Rangiku looked scandalized at Ichigo's willingness to even consider the idea.

"Rangiku, our top grifter, will infiltrate the ball with an escort and will dance with the prince. She'll keep him distracted so he won't notice Grimmjow stealing the seal," Uryuu explained.

Renji said, "It's simple yet elegant. Will it work?"

"I don't make plans designed to fail, Abarai," Uryuu replied coolly.

"Yeah, because your _last_ plan worked out so well for us," Grimmjow snorted.

Uryuu turned red and Ichigo felt compelled to argue in his crush's defense. "Hey now, that was a one time thing! Think of all the successful jobs we've had over the years!"

Rangiku sighed. "It's your call, Ichigo. We'll do it if you will." The others nodded their consent. Uryuu looked at Ichigo with such hopeful puppy-dog eyes behind his square spectacles and Ichigo couldn't resist.

"You really think it'll work?" He asked Uryuu honestly.

"I do," he replied fervently. "And we'll do lots of recon and take no chances."

Ichigo sighed. "Fine." Then he put his head in his hands and moaned while the others celebrated.

_**!**_

Byakuya awoke to the pleasant sound of birds chirping in his huge, soft bed. He stretched gently and yawned. _A good night's sleep is worth any victory,_ he decided. Byakuya and his men had arrived late in the night and Byakuya had gone straight to bed, not pausing to speak with anyone first. But today he'd have to do his princely duties and report to his imperial mother. Perhaps he could steal another moment before the day could begin?

BANG!

The double doors of Byakuya's room slammed open as a servant shuffled in. _I guess not,_ Byakuya thought.

"Good morning, Hanatarou," Byakuya said wearily. He was tired even before the day began.

"Good morning, your majesty," the petite man said morosely. "The queen requests your presence in the dining room immediately. She says if you do not come soon, she'll fetch you herself with a bucket of cold water."

"Of course she would," Byakuya mumbled. "Thank you, Hanatarou. You are dismissed."

The droopy-eyed Hanatarou bowed and exited.

"Day 1 of palace life, here I come."

_**!**_

"I don't like this disguise," Ichigo announced. "Why am I always the one who has to cross-dress?"

"You're the prettiest boy on the team!" Rangiku chuckled. "Besides, I'm wearing the outfit too, so suck it up!"

Ichigo stuck his tongue out at her. She rolled her eyes and laughed. "C'mon, pretty-boy!"

Ichigo and Rangiku were stuck on palace layout recon. To infiltrate the palace during daytime, Uryuu had sown them beautifully realistic costumes impersonating the working staff. The only problem was Ichigo and Rangiku were both maids. Ichigo was wearing a goddamned maid costume.

"Why couldn't I go with Grimmjow and Renji as a guard? I'm tough!" He moaned.

"We needed to even out the numbers! You and I are maids, Grimmjow and Renji are guards and Uryuu's a merchant," Rangiku refuted. "It makes perfect logical sense."

"Doesn't mean I have to like it," Ichigo grumbled.

Rangiku laughed again. "Get your laundry basket, pretty-boy, or we'll be late for our first and only day of work at the palace."

_**!**_

Byakuya paused a moment before entering the dining room. There weren't many things that scared the noble crown prince, but the queen struck fear into the hearts of far braver men than him. Byakuya squared his soldiers, took a deep breath and pushed open the door.

"Hey, it's Bya-kun!" Queen Yoruichi Shihoin, feared and loved ruler of Seireitei, scourge of Hueco Mundo, defender of the people, etc. etc., greeted her eldest son. "Come sit down!"

Yoruichi lounged at the head of the table in her magnificent armchair next to her consort and head of security, Captain Soifon. Byakuya's younger brother, Prince Ulquiorra Cifer, sat by Soifon. He was the vice-head of security and planned to take over from Soifon when she retired. The two of them were fairly close given their similar personalities and lifestyles.

"Come sit!" Yoruichi called again. She had left the seat to her right open and Byakuya didn't miss the message. She was pleased with Byakuya, and she'd make that clear soon.

Byakuya sat and helped himself to some food. "How are you, Mother?"

"Fine as usual, but more importantly, how did your campaign go? I heard the official report but I want to hear it from you," she said, flipping back her purple ponytail.

"Yes, Ni-sama. I am curious to hear about your impressive victory," Byakuya's stoic brother said emotionlessly. Soifon nodded in agreement.

"We defeated the armies Nnoitra Jiruga, 5th son of King Tousen of Hueco Mundo, at several points on the border between the countries. We completely obliterated his army but Jirgua escaped with a few of his closest men. He swore revenge and death upon me, but so have all the other enemy commanders I've defeated and I haven't heard a thing from _them_ since," Byakuya listed with the faintest trace of pride.

"Excellent, Bya-kun!" Yoruichi cheered. Byakuya winced internally at the nickname but kept his silence. "Now more importantly, how's your personal life going? Anyone special, perhaps?" She pried.

"Um, no. Not at the present," Byakuya replied, slightly mystified. Yoruichi almost never asked about his love life, preferring to leave him to his own devices. "Why?"

"Well, Soifon and I have been thinking," Yoruichi began, gold eyes glinting. Soifon sighed gently and Ulquiorra put his hand over his emerald eyes.

"Please don't start on this again," Ulquiorra groaned. Byakuya was beginning to get scared. His baby brother nearly never begged, not even as a child.

"What's going on?" Byakuya asked suspiciously.

"Nothing! Right?" Soifon asked sharply. Yoruichi waved her objection away and leaned forward with her elbows on the table.

"I've been thinking, Bya-kun," Yoruichi started.

"A dangerous occupation for a mind so devious," Byakuya noted.

She sighed. "Must you always be so formal? Anyway, I've been thinking about your love life, or lack thereof. You're always alone, Bya-kun! Don't you ever get lonely?" The queen asked.

"I'm almost never alone!" Byakuya protested. "I am constantly surrounded by servants and soldiers and you people!"

"But you don't have any friends," Yoruichi argued. "And you don't have a boyfriend or anything!"

"I… haven't found anyone suitable yet…" Byakuya fidgeted. This wasn't a _complete_ lie, per say. It was more like the Crown Prince wasn't looking. He liked the solitude!

"Uh-huh," the queen said skeptically. "Well, you can only fish for so long until you have to throw a stick of dynamite in the water***, Bya-kun."

"What do you mean, Mother?" Byakuya asked, now thoroughly frightened.

"This is my stick of dynamite, Byakuya! We're throwing you a ball and you're picking a husband!"

…

Byakuya laughed suddenly. "I'm sorry; I just had a temporary hallucination. Could you repeat that please?"

"You heard me! Dynamite! Ball! Husband!" She barked out.

"You can't be serious!" Byakuya cried. "That's crazy!"

"Is it? Is it really? I don't want you to be alone forever, Bya-kun. I'm sure you'll find someone good if you make the effort," Yoruichi said with a sly smile. "And if it's any consolation, it won't be just one ball. It'll be three and they're all masquerades!"

Byakuya gaped in a most un-princely way. He stuttered frailly and facepalmed, unable to speak. "You're insane. That's all. My mother, the queen, is insane."

"Glad to see you agree! Well, now that that's settled, Soifon, go over the security detail. Don't leave anything to chance!"

Soifon stood and bowed. "As you wish, my love. Come, Ulquiorra. This'll be a good learning experience."

"As you wish," the second prince said.

They exited together and Byakuya heard Soifon say, "Soon it'll be your turn, Ulquiorra!"

Ulquiorra replied, "Oh, goody."

Their footsteps faded away and Byakuya glared at Yoruichi. "I am not happy about this," he informed her.

Yoruichi just laughed.

_**!**_

"Hey you two! Over here!" A bespectacled girl wearing the same outfit as Ichigo and Rangiku waved them over. "Okay, you," she said, pointing to Rangiku, "Come with me. There's a lot of laundry to do and I can't carry all of it."

Rangiku wrinkled her nose delicately but said nothing. Ichigo knew she was a bit of a slob and hated doing laundry.

"And you," the girl said to Ichigo, "Go rake out the inner courtyard. Some idiot hit a tree with a hammer and now there are leaves all over the place. I'd get the gardeners to do it but they're all prepping for the prince's three balls."

Ichigo and Rangiku exchanged glances. They didn't want to split up but Ichigo didn't see any way around it now without blowing their cover.

"Alright, yeah," Ichigo said reluctantly. "I'll catch up with you later."

"Excellent!" The girl said. She grabbed Rangiku's hand and started pulling her down a corridor. "We have _so_ much to _do!_" Rangiku glanced helplessly over her shoulder. Ichigo shrugged and waved goodbye.

"Well, might as well get to work," he mumbled.

_**!**_

Byakuya was _not_ sulking. He was merely sitting in a slouchy position with a peevish facial expression and a petulant aura. The beautiful inner courtyard of the palace was doing nothing to remedy Byakuya's mood because some idiot gardener hit his favorite cherry blossom tree with a hammer and the delicate blossoms were scattered all over the cobblestones. Byakuya huffed. This day was getting progressively worse and it wasn't even lunchtime!

"Stupid ball. Stupid prince. Stupid outfit. Stupid Uryuu!" Byakuya heard suddenly. It appeared he wasn't alone in the courtyard as he had originally presumed.

Byakuya quietly got to his feet and crept to the nearest tree. Something about this angry voice enticed Byakuya into secretive spying. He hid behind the tree and poked his head around. When he saw the owner of the irate voice, Byakuya's jaw literally dropped.

A slender young man wearing the uniform of the palace maids was heatedly sweeping the scattered sakura blossoms. He had soft-looking shoulder-length orange hair and melty-chocolate brown eyes flecked with gold under thin black brows twisted into a frown. His pale pink lips were still mumbling angrily as he fruitlessly swept. His motions were too vigorous to properly catch the petals so they whirled into the air around him like a personal mini-tornado. The swirling pink petals only accentuated his passionate brilliance.

Byakuya _had_ to know who this captivating beauty was. What was his name? Where did he live? Why hadn't Byakuya seen him around the palace before? Would he marry Byakuya?

"Hey you!" Byakuya called.

The man turned and saw someone was there. The effect was instantaneous. His eyes widened to comical proportions and he began stuttering frantically.

"Hey Ichigo!" A feminine voice alerted the man's attention.

"Coming!" He yelled. He looked to Byakuya briefly, bobbed his head in a little bow, dropped his broom and hurried away.

"Strawberry, huh?" Byakuya grinned. He walked over to the broom and picked it up in one hand. "_Very_ interesting."

_**!**_

"Ughhhh!" Ichigo slammed his head against the front door of the Ice Dragon and let it rest there.

This had been the most strenuous day of recon Ichigo had ever experienced. He had been forced to cross-dress, work as a maid, was seen by some random noble who probably saw right through his disguise then had to flee because the maids chased Renji and Grimmjow out (something about lewd comments or the like). Recon was supposed to be simple, peaceful even! It was just inspecting a prospective target to see its weak points but somehow it involved elaborate disguises and maids beating up team members. Oh well. It's not like Ichigo was trying to be _inconspicuous_ or anything.

He walked up the stairs slowly. Ichigo was truly worn out. He opened the door slowly and—

"ICHIGO!" Yumichika screeched. "HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THIS AWESOME BALL YET?"

Ichigo sighed. It looked like today was not over yet.


End file.

Bleach, Humor, Romance