G. I. Joe Immortal Joe

_Immortal Joe_

Flint sat in his office sorting through stacks of mission reports and files of intelligence tidbits. He looked at the ever growing pile and let his forehead fall to the edge of his desk. "Ow," he stated without inflection when he hit a bit harder than he intended. "That didn't really hurt," he thought, "just seemed like the appropriate thing to say." It wasn't just the paperwork that was driving him nuts today. The grueling soft rock music that was piped into the offices on the base was getting on his last nerve. Celine Dion had just finished screeching some song about eternal love on a boat when Flint broke into his best DJ impersonation, "and now for your listening enjoyment, more songs that make you want to stick your head in an oven and turn on the gas." Every song seems like that when you lose someone. "I didn't lose her," he began to argue with his inner monologue, "we just had a bad fight." He found it hard to lift his head from the desk as the single piano notes starting the next song began to assail his ears with its reminder of lost love.

_I'm so tired of being here_

_Suppressed by all my childish fears_

_And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave_

_Because your presence still lingers here_

_And it won't leave me alone_

"Wonderful," he thought to himself as he let his mind remember.

Flint knocked on Lady Jaye's door and waited for an answer. The door opened quickly and Flint had a brief chance to look at Lady Jaye. She stood with her hand on her hip and the other held the door. Her face was tight and the corners of her mouth were turned in an angry frown. Her green eyes burned with anger. "Hi," he said as he took a step forward to invite himself in.

"Fuck you," she spat before slamming the door in his face. He managed to get his arm up to keep the door from latching and pushed his way inside.

"What the hell was that for," he questioned her.

"Get out, Flint, I don't want to see you," she screamed and tried to shove him out of her quarters.

"Not until you tell me what's wrong." He refused to budge and used his height and weight advantage to move fully over the threshold and close the door behind him. She turned from him, went to her bed and began to throw clothes into a duffel bag. "What is your problem," he insisted, laying a hand on her arm. She responded by pulling free and stormed into the bathroom to gather her toiletries. He decided to change the subject. "Where are we going?"

"WE aren't going anywhere," she responded angrily. "WE might not be going anywhere ever again!"

A confused look appeared on Flint's face as his mouth moved to form words. "What did I do?"

"Don't give me that," she turned to stare directly into his eyes. "I can't believe you would do this to me!"

"Do what," he asked, knowing exactly what he had done.

"You told Duke to remove me from a mission roster! How dare you make that decision for me," she screamed. She returned to her packing.

Flint stood dumbfounded, "he told you?"

"He pulled me aside and asked me if anything was wrong," she replied. "He told me that you had asked to change my assignment. Said the reason you gave was vague at best. When I told him everything was ok he proceeded to tell me what you did. I had to practically beg him to put me back on that team."

Flint interrupted her, his voice rising, "you're back on that team!"

"What I want to know is, why you felt I wasn't good enough for this mission," she started. "Why you decided that hanging out with some Congressmen for a week was a better suit for my intelligence skills than joining a team infiltrating Cobra Island?"

"I can't believe he's taking you," Flint muttered under his breath.

"Don't you dare," she grabbed his chin and forced him to look at her. "Don't you dare try to blame this on Duke! Why did you remove me from that team?" The look in her eyes changed. The anger faded slightly and sadness threatened to creep in.

"I…" he started, and then paused to rephrase his answer, "I thought it was too dangerous."

"Too dangerous for whom," she prodded, "for Beach Head, for Snake Eyes?"

"For you," he lowered his eyes from hers. "I didn't want you going in there and not coming back."

"Oh, but you don't care if Beach Head doesn't come back!" She was pushing his buttons on purpose now. He was going to explain himself.

"Don't even start that shit," he responded. He then prepared himself to answer her question. "I have a problem with you being sent on a mission this dangerous and this difficult that can go bad at so many turns."

"All of our missions are like that," she retorted.

"This one is different," he started. "You haven't read the file, you haven't been briefed." He wasn't supposed to say more. As far as she knew, there was heightened activity on Cobra Island and a small team was being sent to investigate. That was just the tip of the iceberg. "Look, something big is happening there. It seems Cobra is doubling their activity around the island, testing new weapons and tactics. Your job is only to observe but we have no clue what you'll be observing. There are too many holes in the intel."

"That's why they need an intelligence officer, dumb ass," she said. "That's why they need ME! What's the real problem Flint? Are you upset that you don't get to go?" Her last statement dripped with disdain.

"I worry about you when you're away," he began. "I feel better when I'm there with you."

She threw her arms up and spoke sarcastically, "praise my glorious protector! You don't think Snake Eyes is capable of protecting me? You don't think I can protect myself?" He opened his mouth to answer but she continued. "You don't think I can be one of the best like Snakes, Beach, and Stalker?"

"No," he said bluntly. "No, I don't."

Lady Jaye stood there with her mouth agape, incapable of believing what she just heard. Slowly it began to sink in. Her voice softened as the feeling of betrayal dug its way into her. "You…you really think that?"

"Wait, let me explain." He knew he screwed that up. The filter that was supposed to stop him from saying stupid things must have been on break. He searched desperately for a way to turn his revelation around in his favor. "I meant…about the…"

She put her hand up to silence him. "Forget it." She turned to her bed and zipped up her duffel bag. "I'm leaving now," she said softly as she hoisted her bag over her shoulder. "Get out of my room." She walked out of the room and started down the hall.

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

"Jaye, wait!" Flint rushed after her.

"I have a plane to catch," she responded, never looking back at him. He stood by her room unable to do anything except watch her leave.

Beach Head sat on the transport plane going over the mission details once again, looking for holes in his strategy. He looked up at the rest of his team, trying to judge their states of mind. He laughed to himself when he noticed Snake Eyes asleep. For someone so intense and alert in everyday life, the guy could not stay awake on an airplane. Stalker was busy checking and rechecking his pack, making sure he was prepared for everything. Beach Head's mood darkened when he noticed Lady Jaye. She had been extremely quiet since they met at the hanger and seemed uninterested during the mission briefing. He cursed to himself as he stood to confront her. "Hey," he said to her as he roughly laid a hand on her shoulder to startle her out of her thoughts. She turned to him and he noticed that her eyes were red. "Great," he thought to himself, "she's been crying. God dammit, of all times, why now!" He leaned closer and spoke to her in a firm, but quiet tone. "I don't know what happened, and I don't care. I need you to get focused on this mission. We're going to need you at your absolute best."

"I'm fine," she began. "It's just…"

Beach Head shook his head no to silence her. "I ain't here to help, I ain't here to listen," he said in his thick southern drawl. "Whatever's bothering you will have to wait until we get home. If you're not 100 down there I don't want you."

"I'm ready to go, Beach," she replied. The sadness in her eyes cleared, finding a hidden reserve of strength.

Beach Head stood to his full height and nodded at her. Returning to his seat he expelled a heavy sigh as he sat down. He picked up the mission file again and began to scan it, looking for new question marks. "Damn you, Flint. What did you do now?"

Flint's head was still resting on his desk when Duke entered. "Whoa, what's wrong with you?"

Flint answered without moving, "I hate paperwork."

"No kidding," Duke replied as he pulled up a chair. "Have you actually accomplished anything today?"

"I don't remember," Flint mused. "I'm pretty sure I signed my name at least twice."

Duke chuckled, "well that's a start anyway." He changed his tone to a more concerned inflection, "Are you ok, buddy?"

"Not a care in the world, Top"

"Ok, I wanted to let you know that Beach Head checked in about a half hour ago," Duke began. "Everything is going well." He waited for Flint to respond but he said nothing. Duke tried to think of something worthwhile to say. "You want to get a cup of coffee?" Not earth shattering, but better than silence.

"Nah," Flint groaned, "I've got a lot of work to do."

"Very well," Duke said as he got up from the chair. He stopped at the office door and called back over his shoulder, "I'd be careful; I don't think that desk will be able to support the added weight of that big head of yours for long."

Flint raised his right hand and gave his CO a single fingered salute. Duke laughed as he left the office.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I've held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me_

"Dammit Jaye," he said to himself, "I'm sorry." He closed his eyes and tried to push her from his mind.

Two days later Flint was sitting in the mess hall eating his lunch when he noticed Beach Head and Stalker enter the room. He put down the magazine he was reading and walked over to greet them. "Hey, welcome home fellas! When did you get back?"

"We got in about an hour ago," Stalker replied.

"Really," Flint looked confused. "Did everything go ok?"

"Went off without a hitch," Beach Head drawled.

"Good…good," Flint's voice seemed distracted. "I guess I'll hear all about it at the briefing. Glad you're back, guys." He slapped Beach Head on the shoulder and walked out of the mess hall as casually as he could manage.

"What was that, Beach," Stalker asked as he grabbed a tray.

"I think someone failed to check in with him upon her arrival," Beach Head quipped watching the doors swing shut on Flint's departure

"Good, I could use a little action around here," Stalker stated sarcastically.

"Just another day in paradise," Beach Head chuckled.

Lady Jaye spent the last half hour in the shower trying to sort through the inevitable confrontation. She needed to know how she was going to handle him when he showed up at her door. Part of her never wanted to see him again now that she knew what he thought of her as soldier. But part of her wanted to hear him explain, to own up to what he said. She now stood by her dresser, clad in green sweat pants and a grey tee shirt that had the word ARMY written across the front. She was holding a picture of her and Flint at the Joe's Memorial Day Barbecue. They were laughing, her head resting on his chest as he looked down at her, his arm over her shoulder, hers around his waist.

_You used to captivate me by your resonating light_

_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

_You're face it haunts my once pleasant dreams_

_You're voice it chased away all the sanity in me_

She refused to cry as she shook the thoughts from her mind and fought back a tear. She set the picture back on the dresser and began to straighten her quarters, waiting for Flint to arrive. As if on cue there was a knock. She gathered her composure and opened the door. His expression was difficult to read. The emotion in his eyes combined relief, sadness, and anger. His posture was rigid, but his head was turned down, almost avoiding her gaze. "Yes," she questioned him curtly. When he said nothing she continued, "do you want something?"

"May I come in." he sheepishly asked, remembering the last time he stood at this door. She let out a heavy sigh as if to show how much of an inconvenience this was to her and stepped aside. "Thank you," he grumbled as he entered. He moved to the center of the room and turned to face her. She closed the door and leaned against it. "Good to see you. I'm glad you're safely home."

Jaye kept an annoyed look on her face, but her features softened, "thanks."

Flint took a few steps towards her but stopped when the look of annoyance crossed her face again. "I want to talk to you about the other day." She said nothing but he could see her anger rising. "I want to talk about what I said when you asked if I thought you could take care of yourself." He paused noting that she wasn't going to prompt him. "I'm sorry," he continued. "I don't know why I said it, but I did and I didn't mean it. I know you can take care of yourself. You're a great soldier and you've accomplished some pretty amazing things." He felt himself starting to babble and tried to stop before he said anything that would get him in more trouble. "Everyone respects what you do for this team." He managed to wrap up his little monologue before insulting her again and claimed this as a minor victory for himself.

She stared at him intently, looking for the right words to convey how she felt. She decided that bluntly was the best tactic. "You really hurt me, Flint." She raised a finger, silencing him. "You basically told me that I don't deserve to be here, that I'm a hindrance to the Joes. You told me that no matter what, I'll never be on the same level as some of the other guys."

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

"First of all," he interrupted, "none of us are ever going to be as good of an all around soldier as Snake Eyes, and in fairness, that's who you compared yourself to." This was starting poorly, he thought. "Secondly, I never called you a hindrance to the Joes."

"Stop," she commanded him. "Stop trying to argue this. You got bent out of shape because I was going on a mission that you deemed too dangerous for little old me."

Flint rolled his eyes, "oh, come on! I get worried about you!"

"You don't worry about any of the others," she took a step forward closing the space between them.

"That's not true and you know it," he pointed his index finger in her direction. "We're all a family here and I worry about each of them when they're out."

"But not enough to remove them from certain dangerous missions," she shot back, making quotation marks with her fingers when she said dangerous missions. "You don't worry about them because you're confident they can take care of themselves!"

"No," he yelled at her, "I don't worry about them because I don't love them! I'm in love with you!" He noticed her shift her gaze as she stood silent. "Don't get me wrong," he continued, "if one of them dies out there it will hurt, but I'll be able to continue. If you didn't come home, I don't know what I'd do with myself."

"The only time you think I'm a competent soldier is when you're around," she accused. "If you're with me, I can go toe to toe with Storm Shadow and you MIGHT give me a drink of water in between rounds. Otherwise I'm just a helpless little girl who needs big, strong Flint to hold my hand and lead me along."

"Bullshit," he yelled. "You're blowing this way out of proportion! It's not that big a deal that I want to be with you out there to take care of you!"

"I don't need to be coddled," she screamed back at him.

He immediately defended himself, "I never said that!"

"Then let someone else look after me for a change!" She was getting very frustrated with him.

"No," he said forcefully, "I don't trust anyone with that job but me."

"Anyone," she questioned.

"Anyone," he agreed.

"Including me?" Jaye watched as he stood silent.

Shit, walked right into that one. Say something clever and apologetic. The wheels turned in his head, but nothing came.

"It's not your job to protect me, Flint," she calmly spoke, "it's mine." She turned to the door and pulled it open.

"Oh, come on, Allie," he pleaded as he caught the meaning of her gesture.

"I need some time, Flint," she quietly spoke. "Please go."

Flint thought of continuing the discussion, but reconsidered. He reluctantly moved to the door and leaned down to give her a peck on the cheek, which she rebuffed. "I'm still glad you're home," he said as he left her room. "Good job out there."

She nodded to him and closed the door. As she walked toward her bed she began to go over the conversation that just occurred.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I've held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me_

A single tear escaped from her eye which she quickly wiped away. God, she hated him right now. She hated him because he had just ruined her self esteem twice in four days. She knew his apology was sincere, but the things he said before had shattered her confidence. He said he didn't mean it, but he obviously did subconsciously. She wasn't sure she could ever look at him the same way. His words allowed a kernel of doubt to plant itself in her heart.

The rest of the day was a blur for Flint. The Cobra Island mission briefing yielded little in concrete results, the planning for follow up missions was put on hold due to lack of information, and the "unscheduled" after dinner PT session took a lot out of the team. Flint now lay on his bed staring at the ceiling, his arms crossed behind his head, still dressed in his combat pants and boots, working up the energy to take a shower. The knock on his door roused him from his mental haze. He jumped off the bed, cursing at the dirty boot print he left on the sheet. "Just a minute," he yelled to the visitor as he pulled his black shirt over his arms and approached the door. He took a deep breath and pulled open the door to reveal Lady Jaye waiting on the other side. "Jaye," he startled, "come on in. I wasn't expecting you."

"No, that's ok," she began, "this won't take long."

"Um…ok," he said. This is going to be bad.

She took a deep breath and looked at him for a moment before averting her eyes to the floor. "I've been thinking a lot about what you told me, and I believe that you are sorry for what you said. Not just because it got you in trouble, but because you didn't mean to say it. However, I do believe that there is a part of you that thinks I don't belong here."

"Jaye, that's not true," he interrupted.

"Flint, please," she stopped him. "Whether it's true to you or not, it is to me, and I can't live with you that way. Maybe after a while I'll come to see, but until then," she paused, "I…I don't want to see you anymore."

Flint stood in shock, his mouth went dry and he felt dizzy. All he could manage was a questioning grunt.

"Goodbye, Dash," she said, spinning on her heels. She headed off down the hall at a quick pace.

"Allie," he called out, but she pretended not to hear him. He took a step into the hallway, "Allie!" He watched as she broke into a run and disappeared around the corner. Slowly he went back into his room and locked the door behind him. He peeled off his clothing, got into the shower, and turned the water on as hot as he could stand. It took everything he was not to break down, to give up hope. He tried to develop a plan of how he would win her back, but his mind wouldn't work. He kept looking for a chance to redeem himself, but all he could hear was her voice repeating the word goodbye.

Lady Jaye didn't stop running until she made it back to her room. She fumbled with the lock on her door because her vision was blurred with unshed tears. When she finally made it inside, she lost her composure, and the tears fell in waves.

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone_

_But though you're still with me_

_I've been alone all along_

She curled her knees up to her chest and held herself as the sobs shook her body. Eventually she crawled into bed and lay there, wondering how she would deal with tomorrow, when sleep finally overtook her.

"What a week," Flint thought to himself as he rested his forehead on the edge of his desk. "I've been spending a lot of time in this position," he mused as he took stock of how he was sitting. He begrudgingly lifted his head and scanned the files on his desk. "Holy shit, I think it's getting smaller," he exclaimed out loud just as Scarlett entered his office.

"You better keep that to yourself, cowboy," she giggled, "wouldn't want to ruin that reputation of yours."

"The paperwork, Scarlett, the pile of paperwork is getting smaller," he quickly defended.

Scarlett continued laughing and held up her hands in a surrendering gesture, "whatever you say."

"Wait a minute, I have a reputation," he questioned her.

"Duh, you're the one who's constantly bragging about it," she said, sitting down in a chair as Flint grumbled obscenities under his breath. She threw a file folder on his desk and said, "Merry Christmas!"

"This better not be in lieu of a real present come December," he snapped, picking up the folder and scanning its contents. Scarlett sat quietly, waiting for Flint to finish. "Looks like I'm headed out of town."

"Yep," Scarlett replied, "more adventure and excitement." She paused, gauging Flint's mood before continuing. "Did you have any problems with the team?" Wow, that was subtle.

Flint scanned the roster list and his eyes focused on Lady Jaye's name. "Nope, not a problem," he closed the file and made direct eye contact with Scarlett, "with any of them."

"Good," she shifted in her chair. "Flint," he buried his head in his hands waiting for her to continue. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine, Red," he lied. "Everything is fine."

"Great, I was just curious," she shifted in her chair again.

He anticipated her next question and answered in an even tone, "my relationship, or should I say my PAST relationship," his heart wrenched, "with Lady Jaye will not be a factor in this mission. We're professionals and nothing will keep us from doing our jobs."

"Ok," was all she could say. She stood and looked at him, still sitting with his head in his hands. "Flint, I wish I could tell you something that would reassure you; she misses you, or something like that, but I can't, because I don't know."

"Thanks, Red," he said sarcastically, "you're a ray of sunshine."

"However," she continued, ignoring his comment, "I know that she loved you very much, and there is no one else in this world that ever made her feel the way that you did." She leaned her hands on the desk to drive home her point, "something like that never goes away." She straightened and continued in a normal tone, "I'll let Duke know your team is ready to go."

A minute after she left, Flint let his forehead drop to the edge of his desk once again. "Ow," he muttered as he hit a bit harder than expected. "That didn't really hurt," he thought, "just seemed like the appropriate thing to say." Then he noticed the single piano notes playing a song through the overhead speakers, assailing his ears with it's reminder of lost love.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I've held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me_

He exhaled a heavy sigh as he reconsidered his last statement, "ok, maybe that did hurt."

_Lyrics from the song 'My Immortal' by Evanescence, copyright 2003_


End file.

G. I. Joe, Angst