Harry Potter The Pig in the Blanket

A couple of years ago, seven to be exact, there lived a pig named Porky. Porky lived on a farm, owned by the Kent family, in a small town called Smallville in Kansas. Of all the pigs on that farm the Kent's favored Porky most of all. One day, due to low wages coming in for bacon, every farmer in the state of Kansas refused to feed their pigs until companies paid them more for their pigs. Porky went crazy due to food depravation and wrapped himself up in a blanket and strangled himself. Fortunately this story is not about a pig named Porky. It is about a pig named Bubba that lives very, very far away in London.

Bubba is a pig that found himself wrapped in a blanket also. Fortunately for him he did not end up strangling himself had a much happier ending. What? What was that remark? You don't think I'm telling the truth! Why don't you believe me? So what if I lead you in the wrong direction once. Just because I did it once doesn't mean I'll do it again. You know what, just stop criticizing the writer and just read the next paragraph already.

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! He He He He He He! You fell for it again. Wow. You were so sure that it wasn't about a pig named Bubba that wrapped himself in a blanket but with my beautiful acting I turned you in the wrong direction again. I should quit writing and just become and actor. You should never trust a writer/actor with the pen name abcdwxyz. I don't even know the whole alphabet for Pete's sake. Well let's get on with the real story. The story you all came here to read. The story about a boy named Harry James Potter. And I'm not lying this time. You can truly trust me this time. Fine don't. Do you distrust me so much that you would be willing to put a wager on it? You would! Ok, I bet you one hundred dollars that the next paragraph will not be like the example following. "Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! He He He He He He! You fell for it again. Wow. You were so sure that it wasn't about a pig named Bubba that wrapped himself in a blanket but with my beautiful acting I turned you in the wrong direction again. I should quit writing and just become and actor. You should never trust a writer/actor with the pen name abcdwxyz. I don't even know the whole alphabet for Pete's sake." So we have a deal. Good. I'll be looking forward to getting your money someday soon.

Ha. You owe me one hundred dollars. Anyways. About seventeen years ago, Harry Potter was born to Lilly and James Potter. At the age of eleven he was confronted by a half-giant, Hagrid, who introduced him to the wizarding world. In almost every year in Hogwarts, his life was threatened by the Dark Lord Voldemort. (Shudder, shrivel, scream) They mostly had epic battles and though able to hold Voldemort, (Shudder, shrivele, scream) off from power he could never quite defeat him. Honestly, I don't think he tried very hard, but what do I know. I will also stay off that topic to save me from tons of hate mail from Harry Potter fanatics that will hate me for ragging on him. His parents were killed when he was a baby by the Dark Lord who also tried to kill Harry but failed. I'm not really sure why I'm telling you this because if your reading this that means that you are in love with Harry Potter and you have read every single book a hundred times, with if you haven't noticed is how much you owe me and I will be expecting a check or some cash in the mail very soon, so explaining that was unnecessary but fun. Ok on with my story.

Having You-Know-Who kill his parents and his godfather Harry was really mad at him and I can see why. I probably would be too but yet again no one cares about me. So being very ticked off at the man, if he really is a man (ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh he just got told), he spent a whole year trying to figure out a way to dispose of You-Know-Who. In all of that year searching he only found two possible ways of killing him. Those two ways will be told to you later on but why tell you now? It would ruin the surprise and that would be bad. He spent another year practicing the two possible methods, and then another year taking jazz ballet, because everyone had to have at least one year of that under their belt to survive in this world. At the end of that year he graduated from Hogwarts and he then spent many years searching for the Dark Lord but could never find him. During those years he continued to practice the two methods and had many jazz ballet recitals for he was very good. Finally he gave up on the search and went to living alone in London.

One day while strolling through Diagon Alley, he ran into an incredibility ugly man with a shirt saying "I am the Dark Lord, Voldemort, (Shudder, shrivel, scream), fear me". Harry wasn't sure who he was but feeling sorry for knocking him over he took him out for ice cream. Half way through his triple decker super cone he realized who it was. Just incase you couldn't figure it out it was Voldemort (Shudder, shrivel, scream). For some strange reason he decided to point at him with the hand that had the ice cream in it and it fell all over his robe. So he told You-Know-Who to stay where he was until he got back from the dry cleaners. I would have used magic to clean it up but whatever. When he returned from the dry cleaners for some dumb reason You-Know-Who was still there waiting for his death. I would have taken off running as soon as he left. So then Harry unleashed his first plan to destroy Voldemort. "I challenge you to a WWE wrestling match!" Yelled Harry.

"O.K." replied You-Know-Who. I'm continuously referring him to You-Know-Who because of the fact I got bored of (Shudder, shrivel, scream). In the blink of an eye, it could have been anyone's eye maybe even yours, they were at a WWE wrestling ring. And the match began. But I'm not going to tell you how the match ends up till the next story I write if I do because I figure its my first fanfic and I don't even know if you will like it so why write a lot if it will never be read. So that's why I'm going to wait till the next story if you guys want me to write more so just review me saying you want me to write more if this story interested you.


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Harry Potter, Humor