JAG 1. Collapse

Title: Intrinsic  
Author: Jackie

AN: This was originally written for the 10.5 JAG Virtual Season on Friends of JAG.

Since I was a kid, I had a fascination with the Titanic (the actual ship, not the movie. . .I never really cared much for the movie, there were parts of it that I wished would have been brought up due to the historical significance and parts that were cut for time but should have been left in as it discussed some aspects of why they hit the iceberg. Anyway, I never liked the romantic aspect of the Titanic movie and, yet, I found myself writing just that. Go figure! I'll hate myself later. ;) I figure, it's JAG, which means that we, as JAGnicks, can make anything JAGlike conform to just about anything, really. Right?! Right! Glad you agree.

So, here we go, enjoy!

Jackie

_**Intrinsic:**_ _belonging to something or someone as an inherent and essential part of their nature.  
**Synonym: **essential, fundamental, central, inherent, natural, basic, constitutional, elemental;** Antonym:** extrinsic.  
_  
**1525 Local  
Maritime Museum Of San Diego  
RMS Titanic Exhibit  
San Diego, California**

Though it was not the most tragic loss in maritime history, the story of the White Star Line jewel, RMS Titanic, could be categorized as the most famous and compelling. At a time when grandiloquent ships ruled the seas, its tragedy would create a denominator for maritime safety. 2.5 miles beneath the sea and nearly a century later, its memory still haunts us. . .

Harm couldn't quite classify himself as a romantic and yet, he had to admit there was something romantic about the notion of being out at sea, alone, with a lover. As they headed through the exhibits of the Maritime Museum, Harm found himself concocting a plan that would involve him, a sailboat and Mac. He stared down at their conjoined hands for a moment, marveling in the simplicity of an act that meant so much to him. It was moments like these that he felt good, whole and utterly amazed of how simply things clicked when they'd finally let go. Sure, they still had issues, problems, things that probably wouldn't be resolved. Such was life. But it was nice to finally be part of something special, magical. How did he go so long without feeling so. . .in love? Glancing down, he felt his heart flutter upon witnessing that Sarah MacKenzie smile which he swore was only for him. "Never thought you'd be so enthralled with maritime history, Mac." He grinned at his fiancé, teasing slightly.

He'd lost the coin toss and wound up in San Diego, something that had actually pleased him more than his own command. Harm didn't want to leave the States for a foreign land and found a way to stay in the Navy while joining his wife to be in California. With the help of Chegwidden and Cresswell, Harm had landed a job as a liaison between NCIS San Diego and JAG Corps. He was issued an office on the same floor, but different wing from Joint Legal Services. He would run into Mac several times during the day but was not in the same command. Sturgis had taken over the London office and Bud would be venturing to San Diego in a weeks time – Mac had finally convinced Harriet that California was the place to be.

Vuckovic remained in JAG Headquarters along with Mayfield and Graves, who had started law school upon becoming the legal aid in HQ. Harm sometimes missed the courtroom but found that the investigations were more exhilarating and interesting for his analytical mind.

I wonder how it felt to sail the seas in her." Mac was truly captivated by all of the artifacts that had been salvaged from the RMS Titanic's watery grave. It was a sad story, one of great human loss, but it was just too easy to get sucked into the lifestyle and grandeur. The pictures were amazing and it was hard to believe that the old girl was nearly a century old.

"She was beautiful." Harm glanced through a protective glass box, staring down at one of the plates which had been salvaged from the wreckage. Its china gleamed, seemingly untouched by time.

"You think she still would have been afloat had she not gone down?"

"As a museum maybe, but I doubt it. . When a ship outlives its usefulness, they tend to become razorblades."

"Not this one. . ." Mac pulled him past the artifacts and to a massive replica of the ship's bow. The display had been one of the most elaborate ones either of them had witnessed. It included the sight of a star filled, moonless sky along with the feel and scent of ocean air. She stood against the railing, looking out towards the fake ocean, allowing her mind to take her back in time. "Must have been so romantic." She felt his arms snake around her waist, holding tight to him as his lips placed a soft kiss on her shoulder.

"Maybe you and I should go sailing?" Harm said softly, grinning as she turned in his arms to face him. There was a hesitation there, but it only took a second or two for that dazzling smile to captivate him all over again.

"That sounds nice actually. . ." Mac's own arms wrapped around his waist, the thoughts of sailing with him sounding more appealing by the second. Past the Naval vessels, she'd never quite done the sailing thing. With past significant others there just wasn't an appeal to spend X amount of time drifting in the middle of the ocean. Now, adding Harm to the sailboat changed her perception greatly. "You know, I could imagine us back then. . .meeting on board." She held his gaze with her own. "It would have been nice."

Harm chuckled slightly. The whole ambiance was starting to do things to the both of them, he was thinking the same thing. "Yes it would have, save for that little iceberg problem." He took her hand in his again, pulling her away from the display towards an exhibit with costumes from the movie.

Wistfully, Mac stared at a poster from the movie, one that had the two star-crossed lovers almost kissing. She felt strange then, her head taking on a surreal weight which she couldn't shake. "I think I've seen Titanic one too many times." She tried pinching the bridge of her nose, but only managed to make herself dizzy.

"I think you're a romantic in disguise." And though he would not admit it, he knew she was making him into one too. Not that he minded.

The room began to spin and close in on her all at once. "Yeah, I guess I am. . ." Her breathing changed suddenly. The deep breaths she was trying to bring into her body eluded her completely. She felt starved for air, almost as if someone were choking her. "Harm. . ." Her final attempt to shake the sensation from her was futile and before she knew it, her body hit the floor.


	2. Ghosts Of The Past

Thanks for the interest in this story. I had a lot of fun writing it a few years back and I hope you stick around during it. There's angst, drama and romance.

enjoy!

Jackie

**Chapter 2 – Ghosts Of The Past **

**September 24, 2005  
1530 ** **Local**  
** Maritime Museum**** Of San Diego**  
**RMS Titanic Exhibit  
** ** San Diego, California**

The EMT crew pushed through a small crowd that gathered around. Harm was sitting on the floor, his lap cradling Mac's head as he kept track of her breathing. "Sir, what happened?"

"I don't know, she just. . .passed out." He managed to get out, his concern for her growing as the minutes flew by. "This has never happened before. . .I couldn't. . .I couldn't help her." Frowning, he watched helplessly as the team got to work. "Mac, if you can hear me, I need you to wake up. . .please wake up."

Mac heard her name being called by a voice that was trying to will her into consciousness. Though she tried to fight the haze, her body unwillingly pushed her from one door to another and on the other side it was 1912. . . .

**  
April 10, 1912  
1115 Local  
White Star Line Docks  
Southampton, England**

"What do you think Sarah?" A young woman, possibly in her early twenties, stood amidst the commotion staring up at the biggest ship she'd even seen in her life. Her white and emerald-green outfit bringing out the natural beauty of her olive colored skin and beautiful brown eyes. Her matching feathered hat hiding the rolling of her eyes as she turned to her father. Sarah MacKenzie hated ships. In fact, she hated them as much as she hated anything that remotely reminded her of her father's wealth or profession.

"_It's_ pretty, father. . .but I don't understand why we MUST go on it." Being the daughter of wealthy Marine General Joseph MacKenzie and his wife Deanne afforded her the very best of everything and yet, the one thing she wanted most of all was the one thing Sarah MacKenzie couldn't afford – her freedom.

Joseph glared at his daughter. "_She's_ pretty, you meant to say. . .and, seeing as we can afford the trip, I don't see why we shouldn't go on her."

Sarah sighed; this was an ongoing battle that began during adolescence; a war between father and daughter about their 'station' in life and how they were to act because of it. "Father, unlike you, I am not interested in how rich we are and what we can get away with. . .I am merely going on this silly little trip because I long to be back in America." Despite the fact that going home only meant that she was being transferred from one gilded cage to another.

Joseph grabbed his daughter roughly and pulled her to him, his voice taking a tone that he knew would scare some sense into her. "You will stop with that insolent tone, young lady. . . You live with your mother and I until your marriage with Michael Brumby. You will do as I say. . . Now get your behind into this ship and I dare you to so much mumble another complaint. So help me Sarah, you will pay if you try any of your tricks." Not letting go of Sarah's arm, he shoved her forward so much that a porter had to help steady her.

Deanne MacKenzie had been quite accustomed to her husband's notion of love and affection. The bruises on her body were a haunting reminder. "Joe, go easy on the girl." She knew speaking to him in such fashion usually cost her, especially when it meant she was defending her daughter, but she bit back a gasp as Joseph's hand nearly crushed her own.

"I would be easy on her if she were easy on me." The anger in his eyes betrayed the cool calmness of his voice. Discussions of their daughter often put him in a foul mood. No one would argue though, that it was the alcohol he consumed that amplified his moods. "Did you know that she spoke to Mr. Brumby and told him she would rather marry a poor man?"

Despite herself, Deanne found that tidbit to be quite humorous. She glanced up at Sarah who had been making her way up the gangway with her head cast down, almost as if in shame. If things were different and the family's fortune resided under her name, Deanne would have allowed her daughter to lead her own life. Joseph and Sarah never had a kind father-daughter moment, which resulted in the two spending more time apart than together. When they breathed the same air, the arguments were usually quite loud about topics from Sarah's school, her friends and even the type of horse she wanted when Joseph had forced her to learn how to ride. The arguments almost always ended the same way until one night where Deanne had stepped in, saved her daughter and nearly died in the process. "Our daughter is willful."

"And it is my will that she become Michael Brumby's problem." There was spite in his voice and an almost malevolent sound that shook his wife to the core.

"You're ridding yourself of your daughter?"

Nonchalantly, Joseph turned to his wife, the look of his eyes answer the question even before he did, "Yes. Yes, I am." Her look of surprise angered him even more. "She is nearly twenty three, unwed and unwilling to cooperate. . .a husband will do her good."

Arriving inside the ship, Joseph presented the crew with his family's information and was promptly assigned three stewards to transfer their luggage to one of the lavish staterooms. Elegant didn't quite begin to describe the interior of the ship with its hand crafted wood banisters and intricate detail to even the subtlest of things. While Joseph and Deanne marveled at the grandeur, Sarah prayed, for the millionth time, to be separated from the impending hell her life would be thrust into.

Sighing, she rubbed a sore spot on her arm as a steward ushered the MacKenzie's into the stateroom. There, in the hallway, she took in the sight of a tall Naval officer and the lanky blonde who he had his arm possessively around. It reminded her somewhat of the not so distant past and that first love that she couldn't quite forget. He'd meant everything to her and then, just like that, he'd left her. Despite his promises to stay in touch, Sarah never heard from him again. Her letters went unanswered and details about his life all but fizzled away when he entered the Naval Academy at Annapolis. It had left a void inside that would never be filled despite the suitors that her father had arranged for her to meet. That was the problem between her and her sailor, father didn't approve. The boy was a squid, not a Marine, and for that matter, their families never saw eye to eye. Frowning, she took one last glance at the couple, wistfulness setting in. A steward escorted her to the section that was to be her room. There, she lay in bed, casting her eyes towards the ceiling as she remembered Harm. . . .

_(Flash back)_  
**June 12, 1904  
1125 Local  
Pennsylvania**

Harmon Rabb Junior was named after his father, a Naval Commander who passed away on February 15, 1898 when the USS Maine, an American battleship, had been blown up in Havana harbor signaling the start of the Spanish-American war. Harm, as he was commonly called, never quite recovered from the news of his father's passing and reluctantly accepted Frank Burnett, the man his mother, Trish, had chosen to remarry. Sarah had met him when the Burnett's had changed homes from Virginia to Pennsylvania and Harm had caught her swimming in a stream that separated the Burnett land from the MacKenzie's.

Though she wasn't naked, Sarah wasn't quite dressed in an appropriate fashion for bathing. "Well, if this is what I'll find, I think I might have to come out to the stream more often." He'd said with a cocky grin and an unabashed attitude which she felt like smacking away almost instantaneously.

"This is my family's land, I can have you shot for trespassing." She'd shot at him, not bothering to shield her body as she stepped out of the stream and worked on slipping on the rest of her clothing.

His look changed suddenly as a nice tint of pink flushed on his cheeks. Harm debated quickly, should he turn to give her some privacy, or should he stay and look? His mother and grandmother had raised a gentleman, but still, if she didn't feel bothered by it, he would pretend not to be. "Actually, I believe it belongs to my step father, Frank Burnett." Harm stammered, taking a few steps back as she made her way up the bank.

Sarah carried herself with affirmed poise that had surprised her intruder. "What? Have you never seen a girl before?" It amused her to see him so dumbstruck all of a sudden. Sarah was slightly tempted to call him on it, but decided otherwise.

"Yes. . .but, none so. . .so."

"Bold as myself?" She said flatly, her arms snaking around her body as the slight change in the air chilled her. "What's your name?"

"Harmon Rabb Junior." As much as he had wanted to be the bad boy, the moment he noticed her discomfort, that smug look on his face completely disappeared. He'd taken off his blouse, leaving only his undershirt which he presented to Sarah. "Here, you're cold."

"I'm fine." She said stubbornly, never wanting to need someone. Yet, there was something about the young man that captivated her. His eyes, which she noticed as she moved closer, were absolutely dazzling, beautiful. She could drown in them forever. Shaking herself, Sarah reluctantly accepted the shirt.

"You're shaking like a leaf. . .take it."

Reluctantly she reached for the blouse, slipping it on. "Thank you." Slowly, she made her way up the small embankment with Harm on her tail. "Are you planning on following me?" She turned to glare at him, finding a completely different young man than the one that was teasing her earlier. "Well?"

Harm found himself captivated by the girl. Up until that point, he'd never really found much interest in the opposite sex. The girls in his school were too proper for his taste and absolutely obnoxious. But this girl, she was different, he could tell. "I. . .ah, was hoping you could at least tell me your name." He gave her a genuine smile and could swear that her own was tugging at the corner of her lips. "My friends call me Harm."

Sarah took the hand he extended, sighing slightly. "Sarah MacKenzie." When she slipped her hand into his, Sarah felt an instant zing, an excitement that she'd never experienced around any other person. "My friends call me Mac."

"Mac?" He raised a curious eyebrow at such a masculine moniker.

Mac shrugged, "My grandfather used to call me Little Mac since my family name is MacKenzie. . .It just stuck." She pulled her hand out of his, barely noticing that they'd been holding hands. It felt so natural around him, so comfortable. "Well, I have to go. . .my father will be looking for me." She smiled shyly at Harm, then began walking through the wooded area towards where her horse was tied to a tree.

"Wait, will I see you again?" He surprised himself by calling out to her, but there was something about that girl, something that he wanted to see again. "Mac?"

She turned to him, this time with a mischievous grin. "We'll see. . .Bye, Harm. . .it was nice to meet you."

_(End Flashback)_

**April 10, 1912  
1145 Local  
White Star Line Docks  
Southampton, England**

Harm?" Harmon Rabb Junior turned slightly, glancing at his fiancé, Renee Peterson, who was giving him a strange expression. "You look as if you'd seen a ghost."

Placing his hand at the small of her back, he led her down the hallway towards her stateroom. "I'm fine, sweetheart, I just. . .thought I saw someone from my past."

"Who?" Not surprisingly, she wouldn't give up, she never would. "Harm?" When he didn't answer immediately, she drilled him a bit more. She was pacified by his dazzling smile, the one that could certainly melt most women at twenty paces. "That smile isn't going to pacify me, you know that." Renee stopped abruptly, halting his movements.

Oh, he knew, but he could always try. "A friend, Renee, from when I used to live in Pennsylvania." He motioned towards the hallway that led to the elevators. "Are we going to head upstairs and say goodbye?" He asked, hoping he could steer clear of any memory having to do with Sarah MacKenzie.

"I suppose, but it's just so silly." Leaning in she kissed him softly. "You sailors and your ships." She rolled her eyes in annoyance allowing him to escort her towards the elevators.

The elevator operator, as well as anyone that sought work aboard the ship, walked around with a smile that seemed to be issued along with their work orders. As they rode upwards Renee struck conversation with the operator, but Harm drowned out the whole conversation. Sighing, he straightened out the epaulets on his jacket, the one that denoted he was a Lieutenant jg of the US Navy. The uniform was often his shield away from the world. Behind it he was a strong, efficient and courageous man. Out of uniform there was a vulnerability which he'd only let one person ever see. As Renee chatted away, he glanced down at his uniform with disgust. Was this what had driven the love of his life away?

Renee had been correct when she stated he'd seen a ghost, but it wasn't a phantom or some form of entity. The ghost he saw was one of the past in the form of a woman that looked so much like the love he lost. As he thought about it, anger rose up inside of him. He hadn't lost her, not at all. No, she didn't want him. That was apparent in the last letter she'd sent him.

Sarah MacKenzie didn't love him.

"Harm?" Snapping out of his thoughts, he found Renee staring at him with that look again. He was starting to get tired of her altogether, but there were moments where she'd pacified his lonely nights. This was where part of his vulnerability lived. For Harmon Rabb Junior, it was better to be with someone he didn't love than to be alone. "Harmon?" She pushed him slightly, urging him to step off of the elevator. Numbly, he moved outward, slowly regaining himself. "I hope that by the time we get married you snap out of these little moments of yours."

He hoped so too.


	3. Tête–à–Tête

**Chapter 3 - Tête–à–Tête**  
**April 10, 1912  
0645 Local  
RMS Titanic  
"D" Deck, First-Class Dining Saloon  
Somewhere In The North Atlantic Ocean**

Light classical music echoed through the walls of the RMS Titanic as its first class passengers meandered down the grand staircase to the reception room and past the dramatic glass and wrought iron doors which led to the first class Dining Saloon. Elegance was the first word that came to Joseph MacKenzie's mind as he walked in with his daughter and wife on each arm, the Maitre 'D leading them towards their assigned seats.

"Do you know why this dinning area is located here?" Ever amused with all things grand, Joseph turned to his daughter. He caught the rolling of her eyes and the tension through her body. "Relax, Sarah. . .it's just dinner."

"I _am_ relaxed, father. . .And please, show off your vast knowledge." She couldn't bite back the sarcasm if she could help it. Some would say she was quite the brat, but that wasn't it. Sad to say, she despised her father, yet she loved him at the same time. A conundrum that drove her mad at times. "Please." Sarah added with a half smile, casting her eyes away from her father's ever annoyed gaze.

Joseph sighed deeply, taking a few deep breaths to stop himself from doing something stupid in front of so many people. Later, he would take care of the anger with a shot of bourbon or three at the First-Class Smoking Room. "My patience is wearing thin on you, girl. . .VERY thin." He moved them past the crowd and towards a table in the center of the Saloon, two tables away from White Star Line director, Bruce Ismay and shipbuilder, Thomas Andrews.

"MacKenzie." Frank Brunette's annoyance was evident as he glanced up from his seat only to spot General Joseph MacKenzie and his family. The battle between the two had begun even before their births when the Burnett's and MacKenzie's fought over the land which their homes resided on. An agreement had been made by their fathers, but that didn't mean that either man had learned to stop hating each other. In fact, they hated each other more than ever. "What the hell are you doing at our table?"

Joseph pulled out a seat for his wife as the Maitre 'D helped Sarah into a seat next to Trish Burnett. From across the table, she could feel a radiating heat combined with a cold hatred. Glancing up, she looked into the cool blue eyes of one Harmon Rabb Junior.

"Well, I don't know Burnett, but let's make the best of it." One thing that Joseph MacKenzie loved more than his booze was to antagonize Frank Burnett.

"Sarah, my dear, you've gotten even lovelier." Trish turned towards Mac, smiling genuinely.

"Thank you, ma'am." Mac replied shyly, suddenly not knowing what to do with her hands. "You look lovely yourself; that is a beautiful gown."

Neither Deanne nor Trish could understand their families' feud and had always opted to stay away from it. While the men had detested the fact that their children had gotten on so well, the women hoped that a union would bring an end to the insistent bickering. "Harmon, seems you finally made it into the Navy." Deanne glanced across the table at Harm who looked so dashing in his Naval uniform. "The uniform suits you well, doesn't it Sarah?"

Mac glanced up at Harm, his eyes meeting hers again. So she _did_ see him earlier with a blond woman who was now seated next to him. Her eyes unconsciously wondered towards the woman's hand where she found a rather large diamond engagement ring. "Congratulations." She said softly, her eyes betraying any well wishing she was hoping to offer. Suddenly, all of the emotions that she had tucked away hit her like a freight train. Not only had he gone from her life for so long, he had now given his heart to someone else. Now, more than ever, did she realize that her place was, indeed, by Michael Brumby's side.

"Thank you." The woman next to Harm said, wrapping her arms around his in a way that was making Sarah sick. "I'm Renee Peterson, I didn't quite catch your name."

"Sarah. . .Sarah MacKenzie."

Deanne noticed the slight tension between her daughter and Harm and never could quite understand what had happened, where things had gone wrong. She could tell there was some sort of love between the two that spanned friendship. Somehow, it fizzled out when Harm went away to Annapolis. "Harmon and Sarah were thick as thieves when they were younger. . .one could say they were sweethearts." She grinned slightly at the shocked expression on Renee's face, definitely pleased she'd shaken something up. Sarah and Harm, however, both glared on with an equal look of anger.

"Deanne, stop putting silly notions in the girl's head. . ." Joseph glared up towards Harm, his eyes shooting daggers at the young man. "So you made Lieutenant JG?" If he hated Harm before, now that he wore a Naval uniform, he hated him even more. "You Navy are pathetic, Rabb. . .you sit and wait in your big old ships while the Marines do the real damage in battle."

Harm had been watching Mac the whole time, almost willing her to disappear with his eyes. He didn't need this. He had a future, a life with a woman that loved him. This wasn't the time to open up old wounds. "With all due respect, General, Sir. . .you do know what the word MARINE stands for, correct?"

Joseph took a long gulp of the water which had just been placed in front of him, then leaned back into his chair, almost as if he were just commanding a battalion. "Care to enlighten me, Rabb?"

"Gladly, sir." Harm grinned slightly, knowing this barb was going to be perfect. Sure, it would likely enrage the General, but he didn't care. At the moment, he wasn't in the position to tell him what to do and it was likely that the man would not want to cause a scene. "My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment. . .sir."

Mac couldn't help the laughter which bubbled at the back of her throat, for that matter neither could Frank Burnett. "Harmon, my boy, that was ingenious." He jovially smacked Harm on the back. "Funny, wasn't it MacKenzie?"

Joseph was breathing hard, trying to will more of his anger under control. The evening was just not ending soon enough. He couldn't wait to have a stiff drink. "Hysterical. . .a riot. The boy should be a comedian." His next words were meant to be whispered but at that given time it seemed like everyone in the dining room had decided to quiet down. "I never understood what you saw in the boy, Sarah. . .You tend to attract garbage." His voice, loud and clear, carried over the table and across to Frank.

"Now that was completely uncalled for, MacKenzie." Standing up, he projected his height over the table, anger bubbling to the surface. True, Harm was not his blood, but that didn't stop Frank Burnett from loving him as one. "If you have a problem with me, so be it, but keep the boy and Trish out of it."

Renee ignored the argument between the two men, choosing to turn her attention fully towards her fiancé. "You went out with her, Harm?"

In the back of his mind he knew he'd eventually have to talk about this. As much as he wanted to keep Renee in the dark over his past, circumstances had shown that it was nearly impossible. Which ever method he wanted to use to tell her about Sarah MacKenzie, this wasn't it. "I don't want to talk about this."

"Is _she_ the one you were fantasizing about earlier today?"

Mac had heard the question loud and clear. She pinned her gaze on Harm, her eyes asking the same thing the blond had. He could feel the radiating heat of her eyes and yet, he was able to ignore it. "There's nothing to worry about Renee, I want to marry _you_." The words were emphasized, each syllable cutting a bit deeper into Sarah's heart. "What Ms. MacKenzie and I had was friendship, I _never_ loved her." The words nearly cost him everything just like the last letter he'd received from Mac had. He knew that Sarah had heard him then but he didn't care if he hurt her. As far as Harm was concerned, their relationship was all in the past.

Trish and Deanne both exchanged a sad glance. They'd hoped that a union between their kids would end the MacKenzie-Burnett feud. Most of all, they just wanted for their kids to be happy and it was clear, even from the moment they met, that they wouldn't be happy apart.

Despite herself, Mac was deciding to play it cool. She was unwilling to believe that Harmon Rabb Junior didn't feel pain at losing her. With a smirk, she turned to Joseph, "Father, will Michael be waiting for me at the docks when we arrive?"

The question seemed to please him and though part of him knew her askance was a deliberate way to hurt Rabb and not a true want to be with Brumby, he seized the moment, "I am not entirely sure, but we will venture to his home. . .Your wedding is set for a week or so after we arrive."

Harm nearly choked on the champagne he was drinking. "You're getting married?" He couldn't contain the hurt and disbelief in his voice. True, she wasn't his anymore, but that didn't stop him from being jealous. "To whom?"

"Sarah is engaged to Michael Brumby, she's absolutely excited and he's entirely enamored with her." The General beamed brightly, knowing that only part of that statement was true. Still, it pleased him to find Rabb so upset.

Renee seemed to be the most excited person at that table. "Michael Brumby of Brumby, Lowne and Farrow? Brumby the lawyer?"

Sarah tried her very best smile which nearly made it look genuine. "The very one, yes."

"Michael is a friend of the family, he and my brother went to law school together. Great man." Though Renee was genuinely excited that Brumby had found a woman, more of her excitement laid in the fact that Sarah was now taken. It was a visual reminder to her husband-to-be that they were meant to be together. Later that evening she would show him just how.

"Yes, he is. . .He'll make a wonderful family man."

"You're so lucky. . ." Renee giggled. "Not that I am not. . .I snagged myself a sailor." One of her arms wrapped possessively around Harm's. Turning his face with her finger, she gave him a gentle kiss on the lips.

Sarah wanted to die, or better yet, to rip that blond away from him and teach her that even ladies knew a thing or two about brawls, but instead, she bit her inner cheek, took a deep breath and continued her masquerade. "Sailors _are_ nice when you want to have a good time, but I need a man with stability, someone that won't leave a person and never ever write back." Her comment was made specifically for Harm.

"The only thing sailors are good for is a ride. . .nothing more." Joseph added with a chuckle as he noticed just how uncomfortable the sailor had become. "At least, I haven't found any other uses for them."

"Oh, I think they are good for much more _intimate_ things." Renee's hand grazed Harm's upper thigh, the act making him jump slightly. "Are you alright, honey?"

Harm shook his head. Was he alright? No, he hadn't been since Sarah MacKenzie waltzed back into his life. Not that he felt alright with Renee Peterson, but at least he wasn't chasing a dream. "I'm sorry, I. . I'm not feeling too well. . . I believe I may be coming down with a cold. . .Shall we?" He stood and turned to Renee, offering her his hand.

"So early? We've yet to have dessert." She licked her lips in expectation and tried to use her charm to get him to stay. She was rather liking the conversation and was hoping to probe further into Harm's relationship with Sarah.

"Well you can stay if you like, I just. . .expected you to want me to take you to your quarters." Harm's voice had dropped a few notches and his ever sexy grin manifested itself. There was no doubt at what he was implying.

"That would be lovely, thank you. . .Night all, pleased to meet you Sarah."

Sarah smiled as well as she tried her hardest to control her swirling emotions. "You too, Renee. Goodnight, Harmon." Her body tensed slightly, trying to stop herself from fleeing. She wanted to run screaming across the decks of the ship and possibly hurl herself into the water, hoping to God that the propellers would chop her into a zillion pieces. She didn't want to feel this pain anymore, the type that threatened to choke her at night when she'd cried over and over for the love she lost.

Her hands shook as she reached over to take a sip of the water. 'Damn him.' Sarah thought as some of the water spilled due to her shaky hands. Right there she made a solemn vow – if he could be with someone else, she would too.

**September 24, 2005  
1645 Local  
San Diego, California**

Harm's hand was wrapped around Mac's as he sat in the back of the ambulance with an EMT at his side. "C'mon, Mac. . .Wake up."

"Her vitals are fine as far as I can tell." The EMT pressed a stethoscope to her chest and then hit the wall of the vehicle and told the driver to get going. "I've seen these injuries before. . .sometimes they'll wake up within the hour and other times. . ."

Other times they never woke up or it took them years. "Oh God." Having suffered through his own coma after the ramp strike, Harm didn't want Mac to wake up the same way he had, confused, disoriented and in a great deal of pain. He just wanted her to wake up soon. Things had been going so well between them.

"Ms. MacKenzie has a good reason to wake up, though. . .keep the faith."


	4. The Folly Of Youth

Hey gang!

Hope everyone is doing well. :) Have a happy and safe 4th of July for those of us that celebrate it!

Here's the next installment of "Intrinsic"

Enjoy!!

Jackie

Chapter 4: **The Folly Of Youth**  
**April 12, 1912  
1345 Local  
RMS Titanic  
Boat Deck  
Somewhere In The Atlantic Ocean**

Sarah took a deep, cleansing breath as she stepped out of the door to the stairwell and onto the pine expanses of the Boat Deck. It was chilly as expected when voyaging in the North Atlantic during early spring and yet the radiance from the sun made the day particularly pleasant. She needed a day like this to clear her tumultuous thoughts which had occupied her the last two days. A light breeze licked the decks and she welcomed the feeling of freedom that it brought with it.

Slowly, she made her way up the boat deck, stopping just next to a lifeboat in order to gaze down into the water. Abruptly she brought her head up as a slight dizzy spell took her by surprise. "No more of that." She said, chuckling slightly as she regained her equilibrium. With a happy sigh, she walked towards an empty bench and sat down, pleased to be alone if just for that moment. That dinner with Harm and his family had left her with a void deep inside, one that she swore she had been able to cover up. It really didn't help that her parents had spent most of the pervious day arguing over arrangements for her wedding. It was no surprise that Joseph was willing to spend a small fortune in order to fund an elaborated wedding, the type that would be on newspapers. The joining of the two families would be very prosperous indeed.

Deanne wanted something smaller, more traditional and less costly. Not that money was a problem, but she knew her daughter didn't want to be married and publicizing it would make it that much more painful. The argument, as all of the previous, ended badly. Joseph had knocked Deanne into one of the posts of the bed sending her to the floor. He'd towered over her then, threatening to choke the life from her. Hearing the scuffle, Mac had stepped out of her room, hitting her father over the back with as much force as possible. It had worked, but for her efforts, she received a shove of her own which had left a huge and ugly bruise on her left hip from coming in contact with the vanity. As usual, the 'I love yous' and 'I'm sorrys' were handed out, followed by a tight hug and Joseph heading towards the First-Class Smoking Room to drown out his sorrows.

Most women would have been grateful for the chance to marry and move out of home, but not Sarah. She knew too damned well that marrying Brumby meant that her father would have even more involvement in her life. Michael Brumby Senior had served in battle with Joseph, the two building a bond that survived the years. She didn't quite remember much about Michael Brumby Junior, only that he used to tease her often when she was a little girl. How the marriage came to be was beyond her. She'd seen Michael in pictures and though he was very handsome, Sarah knew her heart would never belong to him.

"No more thoughts of that." Mac told herself, then reached under her arm to produce a hardcover booklet which contained her artwork. She'd been drawing for years, something that her father found to be nothing more than a hobby. To her, it was life portrayed by different pictures. It was her secret journal. Flipping through pages, she came to a blank one. Taking the pencil from the binding, her fingers took on a life of their own as lines turned to figures. The sketch came to life.

At the other end of the ship, Harm found himself walking alone with his contemplations. Mercifully, Renee had been plagued with a touch of the mal de mer. Though he didn't wish any harm on the woman, he was particularly happy to be alone for a time. The last days she had almost successfully driven him into an early grave. Not only did she continually pester him over his relations with Sarah, the woman had the nerve to ask the Captain to marry them in two evenings time. That revelation had cost them quite an argument, he threatened to break it with her right then and there but thoughts of being alone haunted him.

Sighing, he sat down on a bench, glancing up to the sky so that the sun's heat could warm him from inside. Instead, he was thrust backwards to a time where he was young and foolish, things were so simple.

_(Flash Back)_  
**August 28, 1906  
1820 Local  
Pennsylvania**

Somehow, he and Mac had become good friends, best friends, despite the bickering between the families. They'd chosen an abandoned barn as their meeting place. He was seventeen then and in a few months time would venture to Annapolis to begin his Naval career. It was due or die, time for him to settle things with Sarah, to make her a part of him. "Watcha thinking about?"

Turning around, he found her standing just behind him, a wicked smile on her face. She was wearing boys slacks and a blouse, the same outfit she usually wore to seem inconspicuous to others. To him, she was the most beautiful creature on earth. He wasn't sure when it was that he fell in love with her, he just knew that he did. "I was thinking about you."

She blushed at his admission, then moved slowly towards him. "About me? Am I that interesting?" Mac teased. Her eyes never left his and all of their moments of being 'just friends' had come to this. She was ready for him, to be consumed, taken, cherished. The past few years had been good. She had a friend to talk to when things at home were horribly wrong. Harm was her confidant, her best friend. But somewhere along the line, her heart had been shaped by him. She learned what it was to feel unconditional love for someone.

"I don't think you realize just how interesting I find you, Mac." Harm stepped towards her, meeting her halfway. His arms came around her, molding Mac's body against his. He kissed her fervently, showing her the passion which had consumed him. This wasn't their first, second or third kiss. They had shared many, but none so daring as the one shared the last time they met.

The only thing that kept them from taking that last logical step was time. It had never been a friend to them. Time had always taken and taken and never allowed them to stay together for long.

That day was different.

General MacKenzie was away and had taken several of his men with him as they went into town on business. This meant that his usual spies were not following Sarah, trying to discover what it was that she was doing with the Burnett's boy. Still, she took her usual measures to arrive, dressing as a boy, riding one of the stable hand's horses, paying them for secrecy. It was all worth it.

Mac kissed Harm back with all of the love that she had. Her pulse drummed rapidly against her chest and she swore her heart would leap out. Breaking the kiss, she took a long, deep breath and shyly glanced up at him. "Is something the matter?" He could sense her hesitation and the last thing he wanted was to push her into something she didn't want. "Sarah, if. . .if this is too much, too soon. . .Immff." Her kiss silenced him, it was as if in that split second she'd made up her mind to give herself to him. This time he broke the kiss, his forehead resting gently against her own. "Are you sure?"

"Very." She dragged him towards the ladder that went to the hayloft. The pair had spent several nights laying by the loft window glancing out into the stars. It was their secret haven, the place no other had discovered. That afternoon, it was to be the place where two lovers would become one.

Harm followed her up the ladder, grabbing it and lifting it up to the loft in case anyone tried to ascend. He'd been there for several hours, preparing the area, making it fit for the woman of his dreams. A soft quilt rested over the hay. He'd brought a basket with soft cheese, fruits and apple juice. He'd have preferred wine, but Mac had long since refused to drink and become that monster which her father would transform to. "I ah. . . I hope you like it."

"I love it." She took his hand, pulling him down to the quilt with her. There were no more words then, just the sounds of a new love, of discovery and the unmistakable soundtrack of pleasure. He was gentle with her as she was with him. The first time had been an experiment of sorts, a way for each of them to get their bearings on an act that neither had ever done before. As the afternoon blended into evening, they began to learn of the small acts that pleased one another. She was bolder then, daring even, dripping apple juice over his body which she would lick off.

Hours later, they lay together, happily sated and very much in love. Harm held her naked form in his arms. She'd fallen asleep, but his mind was running at a thousand miles a minute. He had to tell her that their days were numbered, that eventually he would have to move to Annapolis and begin his training. "Sarah?"

"Mmmm?" She shifted slightly, her heavy lidded eyes locking onto his own. "Something wrong?"

Harm chewed on his lower lip, a sign that she knew was a cause for distress. "Yes, I mean. . .No. . .I." Breathing wasn't helping, if anything he was feeling more lightheaded with each breath he took. He decided to just spill it out. "I was accepted into the Naval Academy."

Sarah's face lightened up, her features emanating the happiness that she felt for him. "Harm! That's wonderful. . .You're going to be a sailor like your father was." She was proud of him, Harm had taken long strides in order to have the best grades and reform to become one of the elite. "You don't seem happy?"

"If I go, we'll be separated. . .I'll only see you during the Holidays. . .That's a few times a year."

She hadn't thought about that at all. Usually, her thoughts of Harm at Annapolis brought about a vision of him in dress whites, looking charming and handsome. Never had she actually considered that distance would be placed between them. "It's what you want to do. . .It's what I want you to do."

"Even if it means we won't see each other?" Part of him wanted her to say something, to stop him from fulfilling his dreams. The other part was relieved that she wasn't the selfish type, that she actually considered his needs and wants.

"I don't want to lose you, Harm. . .ever. . .But I am not going to make you choose between me and your dreams."

"And what if I want to choose? What if I choose you?"

Mac shook her head, this wasn't quite the way she expected things to go. True, things between them were probably not going to end as in a fairytale, but she expected things to be better for them. "I won't let you."

Harm lifted his head up, resting it on his hand as he turned to the side. "Maybe I have a way?" He read the asking in her eyes and only hoped that she would accept his offer. Turning to the opposite side, he rustled around the picnic basket, his hands wrapping around a cool, metal object. He held the object with one hand and with the other took her slender hand in his. "Mac, I don't think I will ever feel about anyone else the way that I feel about you."

She blinked a few times, almost as if trying to decipher his hidden meanings. Harmon Rabb Junior was no poet and he'd always been near impossible with verbalizing his feelings. Was he saying what she thought he was? "I. . .neither will I."

"I. . .I love you." He breathed the words out in a voice so low that he could have sworn she missed completely. Taking a deep breath, he opened up his hand. On his palm lay a simple wedding band. "My father bought this for my mother during their first anniversary." He choked up slightly, emotions flowing through him. The ring had been a family heirloom, passed from generation to generation. He'd often heard his grandmother's stories telling him of a tradition that he needed to pass on. "I'm not a poor man, I could have given you the prettiest of diamonds, but nothing else would quite symbolize what I feel for you." He placed the ring at the tip of her finger and lifted his gaze to her own. "Marry me, Sarah."

Tears spilled out and over her cheeks. She was happy. For the first time in her life, she was completely happy and at peace. Sarah had found what had been missing in her life. "Yes." And with that simple word, a promise of a new life arose. She kissed him with all that she was worth, holding him tightly almost as if in belief that he would float away.

That night they'd discussed the logistics. She'd wait for him to finish with Annapolis and upon graduation, they would be married in Virginia. They would move away from Pennsylvania and their families' strong hold, hopefully making a home that was their own.

A few months later, Harm boarded a train embarking towards his fate. They'd kissed each other passionately, each promising to write as much as humanly possible. She wasn't the only one crying once the train rolled away from the station. Inside his room, Harm too had succumbed to the tears, hiding it away from one of his mates that was making that trip with him.

As they promised each other, Harm and Mac had written as many letters as possible. Some describing mundane actions of life. Others heralded his passing grades on his courses and the new friends he had made. Some letters were bolder, more intimate and of a nature that kept their want for each other in full bloom. He had returned home for Thanksgiving, but Joseph had decided to take his family to his parents' home in New York. They had been disappointed, but promised to make it up during Christmas and the New Year.

Then one day, he'd received a letter that had broken is heart in two. After that, the letters stopped coming. They never saw each other again.

_(End Flashback)_  
**  
April 12, 1912  
1400 Local  
RMS Titanic  
Boat Deck  
Somewhere In The Atlantic Ocean**

Harm made his way towards the stern, glancing out into the waters below. The sea was his second home. It nurtured and matured him in ways nothing else could, but the one thing it couldn't do was to mend his broken heart. With a heavy heart, he turned away from the sea, realizing he needed to head downward and tend to his ill fiancé. It was then that he caught sight of Sarah walking past him with some object tucked under her arm. "Sarah?" He called out to her, but the moment she noticed it was him, her movement quickened, almost as if she were running away.

Mac didn't want to speak with him, she wouldn't know what to say. Though she still felt strongly for him, she knew every word used towards him would come out in anger. It was better this way, to have some sort of clean break and for her to savor their memories – the good times. In her haste to enter the vessel, she didn't realize a drawing of hers had spilled out from the booklet. Almost as if by magic, the page had flown itself towards Harm. He snatched it in the breeze, his hand crumpling the paper up slightly.

He turned his back to the wind and slowly unwrapped the page to find a drawing of what appeared to be him and Sarah kissing. A lump had found itself at his throat. Why was she torturing him like this? Wasn't that last letter enough? Maybe this was just a sick joke from the cosmos, a final nail driven into his coffin. If so, he wasn't going to play her game. He would confront her at some point during the voyage and end the heartache.


	5. You Can’t Run Away From Love

**The title of this chapter is froma Gloria Estefan song of the same name that appears on the Original Sin Soundtrack. I LOVE that track. Amazing lyrics and it has a sexy latin beat to it. Anyway... On wards!**

**J.**

**PS: V, re-read it, I added more to it and fixed the part at the end. ;)**

**Chapter 5 – You Can't Run Away From Love  
April 13, 1912  
2012 Local  
RMS Titanic  
1st-Class Promenade Deck  
Somewhere In The North Atlantic**

"You seem upset tonight, Sarah, is something the matter?" After dinner, the MacKenzie women had decided to take a leisurely stroll around the ship. The day had, mercifully, been uneventful, save for the hours that Mac spent looking for a drawing she had misplaced. It was special to her, encompassing a moment that she didn't really want to rid her memories of. True, she and Harm had nothing now, but she would need her memories if she were to survive being wed to Michael Brumby.

Sarah sighed deeply, moving towards the railing which she leaned on. "Nothing, mother. . .this is all just so. . .overwhelming."

Deanne was in agreement with her daughter and despite the fact that she wished her to be free, her hands were bound as well. "You'll learn to love him." The look on her face had given her away totally, she anticipated Mac's question and answered before it was asked. "Your father wasn't quite the man I wished to marry either."

"Your heart belonged to another?" She was surprised, her mother rarely talked about anything relating to her past, it was almost as if it had been a clean slate.

"I was in love once. . .madly in love. He passed away due to an illness." Sighing, she turned away from her daughter, staring out into the starry sky. "I never did recover. . .That's not to say that I don't love your father, I do. .."

"But you're not _in love_ with him?" Sarah didn't need to hear that answer; she knew how her mother felt. No matter who would come and go, no matter what the past or future held, her heart belonged with Harm. Not even time could change that. "Whatever Harm and I had is gone. _He_ appears to have moved on." Turning to the side, she spotted him and Renee speaking to Captain Smith. It was rumored that they were trying to find a way to marry while onboard. She only hoped that an invitation would not be extended to her.

"Has he?"

"It's apparent that he has." She turned away quickly, hoping that he wouldn't catch her looking. The last thing she wanted was some sort of a scene. "Maybe he never loved me at all."

"Maybe you need to find that out for yourself?" She wrapped her arms around her daughter, hugging her with all her might. "I know I could have been a better mother, Sarah. . .But your father, he's willful and unrelenting." Stepping away, she took Sarah's hands in her own, gazing at her with a loving look that only a mother could produce. "If you love him, figure it out, my child. . . Don't make the mistake I did." With that, she kissed her daughter's forehead and hugged her once again. "I'm going down to our quarters and try to fall asleep before your father stumbles in. . .goodnight."

Sarah remained rooted in place, her mouth hanging slightly open. Her mother's words rocked her to the core. She was always certain that Deanne sided with her, but smartly chose to keep her opinions to herself or face the wrath of Joseph MacKenzie. Slowly, she lowered herself into one of the wooden chairs, suddenly realizing that maybe they had met for a reason. "What good would it do?"

Several feet away and out of hearing distance, Renee was grueling the Captain. "So we're all set for the 15th?"

Captain Edward J. Smith smiled at the woman and then glanced sympathetically at Harm who seemed to have lost his tongue. "Yes, miss. . . I'll be sure to have the stewards present the invitations to the First-Class passengers. . .Now, I must head back to the bridge. Good evening." He swiftly passed between the two, placing a hand gently on Harm's shoulder as he did.

"I'm going to wander the deck for a while." He managed to say, snapping his body out of autopilot. This wasn't what he wanted and the faster things moved with Renee, the more he wanted to flee the scene. Jumping into that cold ocean even seemed viable. "Why don't you go rest?" He was dismissing her and he knew she'd call him on it.

Renee shook her head defiantly. "No, I want you to come with me." She wrapped an arm firmly around him, which he snaked away just as quickly. "What is the matter with you?"

"Maybe I don't want this?" The words came out with a vengeance, his voice carried downwards, startling a few of the passengers. Sighing, he took her by the elbow leading her towards the stern of the ship. There, he leaned against a railing, coolly turning to her. "Don't you think this is a bit. . .fast?"

"We've been courting for months, why do you wish to extend it?" His silence spoke volumes and even if it didn't, the drawing she found tucked into one of his jackets did the trick. "It's her isn't it? _Sandra_?"

"SARAH." Harm responded louder than intended. He took a deep breath, turning away from his fiancé. He couldn't do this anymore, he couldn't continue to pretend, but he just didn't have a choice. "Drop it, Renee, I beg of you."

"You love her. . .I can see it in your eyes."

"Then why am I marrying you?"

That was something she was asking herself for the longest of times. His proposal came out of the blue. Harm had come home after a harrowing experience at sea which had given him his new bars. It had changed him, made him realize that stability was needed in life. Out of fear of being alone, he'd asked her to marry him. The moment was both surprising and unromantic. He'd mumbled the words out after too much wine with dinner and the needed release of a sexual encouter. Renee, not being a fool, accepted. "Because you don't want to be alone. . .Try to figure out what you want, Harm. I am tired of this push and pull. . .If it isn't me you want, then let me know." She leaned forward, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving him there alone with his thoughts.

Frustrated, he walked slowly up the Promenade Deck, moving towards the bow of the ship. He contemplated Renee's words, allowing it to sink in that maybe she did have a clue what the battle inside was doing to him. With a sigh, he leaned against the railing, staring out to a moonless, star filled sky. "Harm?" Her voice caught him off guard, almost as if it came from a dream. Harm closed his eyes tightly, swallowing down a certain knot at his throat. Christ, this was difficult, seeing her again, hearing her. . .smelling that sweet perfume that always seemed to drive him wild especially when she'd spray it on her letters to him. "Harm, please, talk to me."

"There's nothing to say, Ms. MacKenzie." Harm had decided to keep it formal, impersonal, there was no reason to open up anything in regards to Mac, all it did was cause him pain.

She pretended that his use of her surname did not bother her and, instead, crowded him. Mac leaned against the railing, staring at him though he was unwilling to even give her a look. "There's plenty left to say."

"Really?" He spun on her, glaring deeply into her eyes with all of the residual anger and passion that would not leave him. "What type of fool do you take me for, MacKenzie?" Harm's voice had taken on an intimidating edge, had she not known him better, she would have been afraid. "I am not some pathetic excuse for a man who keeps pining over a woman that doesn't love him." He took her by the arms, shaking her with a force he had not intended to us. "I don't understand why. . .What did I do that was so wrong for you just to give up?"

"Give up? _You're_ the one that gave up on _me._"

"For God's sake, Mac!" He let her go and took two steps back. "You said it all in your letter. . . And all of the ones which you didn't answer. . .I read the message loud and clear."

Sarah stared at him as if he had grown two heads. "What letter? What are you talking about?"

"Don't play coy with me, MacKenzie. . .I know you too damned well."

"Obviously not well enough. . .What letter?"

With a heavy sigh, he pulled back his jacket, searching through his pockets for a letter which he kept on him always. It served as a reminder of a past that he was reluctant to leave behind. "This letter." Its creases were worn and nearly torn, it was obvious that Harm had read the letter several times. His teeth ground as she read the words outloud.

_"Harmon, the last few years between us have been Heaven sent, a time I will never forget. It is with a heavy heart that I regret to inform you that our engagement is off. As much as it pains me to write this, I am not in love with you. . ."_ Mac trailed off, her hand coming to her mouth as she bit back a sob.

"Keep reading." He commanded, anger tearing through his body and he fought the rage, trying to maintain control.

She looked at the letter and up to the man that she still loved, wondering if this was all a cosmic joke. _"I've betrayed your heart and merely found comfort in your arms when I had no one to turn to. I hope you forgive that act of imprudence and learn to live with the choice I've made. Sincerely, Sarah MacKenzie."_

"Why did you do this to me, Sarah?" Harm's voice cracked slightly from the emotions. The pain he felt manifested itself and he turned away from her eyes for fear that she'd break him with just one look.

She glared at him then, eyes showing her disbelief. "I_ didn't_ write this."

Her answer only seemed to anger him more. "Don't do this to me! Do you want to see me break down, is that what you want?" He yanked the letter away from her, tucking it back into his jacket.

"I didn't write that!"

Harm spun on her, his arms reaching out to pin her towards the railing. "I don't believe you." He glanced hard at Sarah, the urge to kiss her almost as empowering as the urge to choke her. "It's your handwriting."

Angrily, she shook him off, shoving him slightly backwards. She never was the type to let anyone but her father shove her around and that was as far as that went. "How about you? I waited and waited for something, anything from you. Some letter to let me know that you were alive." The last letter she had sent to Annapolis had gone unanswered. She'd sent five more after that, two of which had been returned. "Why didn't you write back to me?"

"I did! After this letter I wrote back daily and never heard back from you." He tapped his pocket, letting his hand linger over the area. "I just needed an answer. . .Tell me now, Sarah. . .Why?"

"Believe what you want to believe, Harmon. . .I _didn't_ write that. . . I swear on my grandfather's grave."

"Then who did?"

Sarah decided to hazard a guess, "It wouldn't be too unthinkable to have my father do something like this. . .I recall finding ink on his hands one day. . .God, how could he be so ruthless?" The idea struck a nerve. In her minds eye she could imagine General MacKenzie burning the letters he'd sent her. "Harm. . . I never stopped loving you." She tugged lightly on a gold chain she was wearing, pulling it up over her head. On her fingers she dangled the chain and, like a pendulum, the ring he had given her was rocking back and forth. A beacon on that moonless night.

"The ring?" Harm stared at the heirloom, fairly transfixed by it. He decided that he'd never see it again, not that it was a bad thing as it would always remind him of her. "Do you think that your father hates me _that_ much? To forge a letter is. . ."

"You weren't part of his plan for me." She said sadly.

Despite the situation, Harm chuckled, "No I guess I wasn't. . .I. . .Jesus." Those years had gone by and all he could think of was to hate her for hurting him and to find a way to hurt her back. Little did he know she was feeling the same pain. "I wrote you, Sarah. . .I pleaded with you in those letters. . .When I came home, you were gone."

Mac nodded slowly, "Father was assigned a different post; we had to follow." They stood in front of each other, wound up in the magic of the moment. It felt like all of the wrongs were righted and the only thing Harm wanted was to take Sarah in his arms and never let her go. "Where does this leave us?" She moved in closer, hoping he wouldn't pull away, that things could magically be repaired.

"There is no us, there's you and your fiancé. There's me and Renee." The words tore at him and though Harm would have given the world to be hers, that time had passed. He had to live with it. "I won't deny that I still have feelings for you. . .I think I always will, but we're both engaged. . .I'm marrying Renee while onboard. . . We can't change that."

"I don't have to marry Brumby. . .It's not too late."

He smiled, then reached out and placed a hand on her arm. It was the only physical contact they'd had since that kiss before he left for Annapolis. Despite the electric charge that they both felt, Harm swallowed his pride. "Do you think you'll be happy?"

"Sometimes. . .yes."

"That's all I want. . .for you to be happy." He leaned forward, placing a kiss on her cheek. "I'm glad we had a chance to talk. . .to make things right." Removing his hand off of hers, Harm let her go. "Good night, Mac." He turned away, making a hasty retreat before his passions got the better of him. Inside the ship, he leaned against a wall for support, his heart breaking knowing that he'd given her up to another man. "Lord, please let her be happy. . .I'd gladly live through the sham of my wedding – my own personal hell – if Sarah is happy."

Mac just watched him go, choosing not to argue with him though her heart and soul begged ached to be with him. One thing that Sarah knew quite well was that Harm was a man of honor. The last thing he would do is take a woman who was betrothed to someone else. "Goodbye, Harm."

**September 24, 2005  
1730 Local  
Mercy Hospital  
San Diego, California**

"Harm, would you STOP pacing! It's not going to help Mac." Frank sat in the waiting area. It had been a little under an hour since they arrived and the nurses had wheeled Mac into emergency. The doctors had informed Harm that they were going to run a series of tests including a cat scan and several blood tests.

Frank stood up apparently, crashing into his step son. His hands wrapped around Harm's arms, holding him steady and still. "Son, you don't have to be the only one hurting over this you know? We're here for you and Mac if you'd only let us'

He was right, Harm knew that, but this innate need to care for those he loved overpowered all reason. She was his soulmate, his reason for being. "What if she doesn't wake up?" For the first time since Mac's collapse he voiced the main reason for his worry. "Sometimes it's like. . .fate doesn't like us too much."

"It put you together." Trish pointed out with a smile. "And, if the stories you two have told me are true. . .You can't walk away from love."


	6. You Can Still Be Free

There's more to go! So hang on for a couple more chapters!!.

Jackie!

**Chapter 6 – You Can Still Be Free  
April 14, 1912  
2040 Local  
RMS Titanic  
Ms. Peterson's Stateroom  
Somewhere In The North Atlantic Ocean**

It was nice, for now, to play the normal guy with a normal suit and tie, not the usual military uniform that he wore. True, Renee preferred the uniform but for this he needed to be comfortable. Slowly, he walked towards the balcony, glancing down at the water which he could barely see. He wanted the darkness to consume him, for this pain to go away. Harm thought he'd managed to put the past behind, but seeing Sarah. . .It was too much for him. "Harm?"

He turned slowly towards Renee, finding her standing on some sort of perch with her maid tending to an elaborate dress that was to be her wedding gown. She was breathtaking and completely gorgeous.

Then why didn't this feel right to him? If anything, it felt completely wrong. How the hell had they managed to stay together this long? "Harmon Rabb Junior!" She yelled at him, attempting to get his attention for the sixth time that night.

Renee wasn't a fool, she knew the other woman had stirred up emotions that he was clearly trying to hide. As he turned, she found the saddest expression she'd ever seen on him. His normal poker-face exterior was gone and for the first time ever, she saw who he really was, a man in love. "You're in love with Sarah." It was a statement, one that she knew he couldn't deny. His eyes alone would betray him. "You're in love with Sarah."

Any movement in the room came to a complete halt. All eyes were on him and Harm could swear that even the ship ceased moving. It was almost as if he was underwater, drowning. Renee's eyes bore into his but where he thought he'd see anger, there was nothing but understanding. "Yes." He admitted, gulping down the lump at his throat. "Yes, I'm in love with Sarah."

A watery smile graced her features and slowly, Renee stepped off of the stand, waving off her maid. "What's that old saying? 'It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.'" She stepped close to him, raising a hand to cup his cheek. For a moment, he thought she would slap him but instead, she set him free. "I always knew this wouldn't work. . .I was hoping that eventually you'd come to love me."

"I do care for you, Renee." He said, trying to lessen the blow. "It's just that. . ."

"Don't try to pacify me. I can't make you love me and I won't be married to a man who will come to resent his life with me." It hurt her, deeply and badly. But, if Renee was true to herself, what she loved about Harm was not being alone. With a sigh, she moved her hand down his arm and took his hand in hers. "I won't say that this doesn't hurt. You're quite the catch. . .Just go to her before she marries Brumby and finds herself alone and bored."

The shock of her statement hit like a torpedo in the night. He stood there, rocked, shaken and free. "What about you?"

Renee threw her head back, laughing earnestly. "Harmon, you are not the only fish in the sea. . .I'll find someone to love me for me." Leaning forward she placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. "Go. . Before I change my mind." He didn't need to be asked twice. For the first time since he'd said 'goodbye' to Sarah, Harm felt like everything was right again.

**April 14, 1912  
2045 Local  
RMS Titanic  
MacKenzie's Stateroom  
Somewhere In The North Atlantic Ocean**

The whole evening had been replayed in her mind for the past day. Sarah didn't sleep the night before, she couldn't knowing that he was on the same ship with her, preparing for a wedding to someone else. She'd hoped that their discoveries about the letters would have done more than just righted the past. Sarah loved him and always would. Why couldn't he see that? With a heavy heart, she stepped closer to the fireplace that adorned the center lounge of her parents' stateroom. Above it was a set of two Marine sabers and her family coat of arms. She'd never loved the military. Before, when she was young and naive, she hated the men that took her daddy away. As she grew and learned that Joseph preferred to spend more time in a foxhole than with his family, her hatred for all things military grew. This often included her hatred for her own father. Maybe hatred was too harsh of a word, but it was the only thing she could think of to describe that inner feeling of absolute dislike.

Dejectedly, she moved towards a sitting chair and deflated into it. She used to love sailing and the oceans and now, she hated this as well. Frowning, she recalled the first time she stepped foot on a boat. It was a small dinghy with a homemade sail which Harm had designed himself. He had placed it in the lake between their properties and attempted to conquer her fear of ships. Which he did.

_**(Flash Back)**_**  
July 3, 1905  
1120 Local  
Pennsylvania**

"Oh, c'mon, Mac. . .You know how to swim, what's the problem?" Hopping out of the small vessel, he grabbed a rope and tied it around a large tree so that his 'ship' would not float away. "You know you want to." He tried that charming smile, the one he knew would win her over.

Mac stood rooted in place. "I am not as crazy as you appear to be. . .You built that. . .that. . .thing." She waved her hand towards the boat almost as if willing it to disappear.

"Ship." He clarified with a cocky smile. "I swear she's seaworthy, I was trying it out all day yesterday." He stepped closer to her, wrapping his arms around her middle. "Please?"

It was his pleading that did her in. "Oh, fine. . .But if I drown, I'll come back and haunt you for the rest of your life."

If Sarah MacKenzie would be the ghost haunting him, he wouldn't mind. He wouldn't mind it at all. "Here ma'am, let me help you on board." He held his 'ship' while Mac stepped up and situated herself. After releasing it from its 'mooring,' Harm gave it a hard shove and hopped in just before his feet came in contact with the water. "And off we go."

In the area where they lived there had always been a light breeze which was enough to slowly propel the boat through the water. When that didn't work, Harm pulled out two oars and attached them to the riggers at the side. "Okay, so I guess I owe you an apology." Mac said after nearly ten minutes.

"Why?"

"Well this thing of yours works. . .I thought it would sink right to the bottom."

"Ye of little faith, Sarah. . .Besides, I wouldn't ever do anything to hurt you."

They'd only known each other for a short time and yet, there was this communication between them which was magical. Sometimes, they swore they could 'speak' with their eyes. "Sometimes I wonder. . ." She trailed off, looking around at an aspect of the lake that she would have never noticed before had she not been with Harm.

"Wonder what?"

"What I would have been doing if I hadn't met you."

Harm chuckled earnestly, then pulled up both oars, tucking them into the sides. "I ask myself the same." They stared at each other, caught in one of those moments that they'd found themselves in almost since the first time they met. He noticed her breath catching slightly, the pulse at her throat hammering away as did his own. The boat wasn't too big, in fact, during most of the ride, their knees had been touching. She was so close to him that he could smell that sweet scent she usually wore. His gaze moved to her lips and the fullness that was calling him. "Can I kiss you?" Harm asked in a voice barely above a whisper. Mac didn't full out answer him, but the light flush to her cheeks and a shy nod was enough to know she wanted that too.

Mac leaned forward as Harm did as well. Time seemed to pause for that instant and then it happened – he kissed her. It was sweet and awkward, nice and exhilarating. When they broke apart, both of them realized that things would never be the same again.

_**(End Flashback)**_

Without a second's hesitation, Sarah ripped the letter in her hands into shreds, tossing the pieces up in the air like confetti. "No!" It didn't matter what happened between her and Harm. It didn't matter the petty threats that her father had made. Nor did it matter the amount of wealth that their union would accumulate, she wasn't going to marry Michael Brumby. "NO!" Nothing could make her do that. Grabbing the box, she reached for the invitations, ripping them one by one as she had done to the first.

This is how Joseph found her. He stumbled inside, his anger sobering him better than a cup of coffee could. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I don't want this life." The invitations in her hands were promptly thrown at him. "I'm your daughter, not some sort of farm animal that you can trade for a price."

"Damnit, Sarah. . .I warned you." Despite his inebriated state, he managed to grab Sarah before she had a chance to move away. "I warned you." His hand came up, connecting hard with her cheek, making her stumble against the chair.

Mac rolled over quickly, trying to move out of the way before her father struck again. He'd hit her before, though her mother tended to take the brunt of Joe's anger. "Please. . .No!" As he went to strike a figure came up from behind.

"Joseph! Stop it!" Deanne gripped her husband with as much strength as she could muster. She feared for herself, but feared Sarah's safety more.

He tried to fight his wife, for her to loosen her grip, but when he realized it was futile, he just stopped fighting. "Can't you see. . .I am trying to give you a good life. . .A proper life!"

"The only thing I see is a drunk who turns everything he touches to garbage. . .I _hate_ you!" With that, Sarah stood, running out of the stateroom towards the elevators. She held her tears as the operator tried to make polite conversation.

Around the same time, Harm had made his way down the expanse of the staterooms, finding the MacKenzie's. He knocked hard, waiting for a moment, hoping that Sarah would answer. Instead, a teary eyed Deanne MacKenzie answered. "Mrs. MacKenzie? I need to speak to Sarah. It's urgent."

"Do you love my daughter?"

Harm was baffled by the question, amazed that the woman would bother to ask. He was prepared for some sort of argument or dissention, a fight against him and Joseph, but maybe, just maybe, there was another way. "Yes, ma'am, I do. More than anything in this world."

"Then go find her, she needs you."

"Ma'am, did something happen?" Peaking past through the open door he found the papers thrown over the floor and Joseph MacKenzie laying, seemingly unconscious on a chair. "Is the General alright? Is Sarah alright?"

Deanne turned to her husband and then back to Harm. "She ran off."

"Thank you, ma'am." He nodded to the woman and quickly bounded down the hallway in search of the woman he loved.

Outside, Mac stood by the railing on the stern of the ship. She gripped the railings with an iron grip, staring downwards with a sad expression. This was supposed to be the time of her life. She was supposed to be happy that she was headed back to the States. Funny how happiness could dissolve so quickly.

Harm had almost passed Sarah when he spotted where she was and what she appeared to be doing. His breath caught in his throat. She wouldn't jump, would she? Carefully, he walked towards her, extending his hand to grab her before she did something stupid. "Sarah, no."

Startled, she turned seeing him with an expression she'd longed to forget. "No?" She gave him an odd look, stepping slightly away. "No, what? Harm?"

He pointed at the fingers of her right hand which were still wrapped around the railing. "Don't jump."

"Don't jump?" Confused, she stared at him as if he'd told her the oddest thing in the world. Sarah glanced at her hand and quickly deduced what he was hoping she wouldn't do. "Oh." She giggled slightly, brining her hand to her mouth. "Oh."

"It's not funny." He was serious.

"No I suppose it isn't." She took a deep breath, then removed her hand from the railing, her laughter now gone. "I wasn't going to jump, Harm. I was just. . . weighing options." His look of relief poked her curiosity. So did the fact that he wasn't preparing himself for the wedding. "Why are you here? Why aren't you with your wife?"

"We broke it off." The words came simply, so simply. And before Sarah had a chance to ask, he took a step closer to her, eyes saying the words that he needed to tell her. "It's you, Sarah. . .I want you." He saw protest in her eyes and before she had a chance to speak, Harm wrapped her in his arms, then pressed her lips with his own.

Sarah didn't resist, she didn't have the want or will power to. Instead, she met him kiss for kiss, melting her body against his. When they separated, she found that look she'd missed so much. He loved her and he didn't even have to tell her. Her hands rested on his chest. "What do we do now? I'm supposed to marry Brumby."

"Marry me." He was expecting some sort of argument from her, but just when she was about to object, something changed.

An objection fell short when she realized that in her arms, she had everything she ever wanted. "Yes."


	7. I’m Ready

A little early than usual. I tend to send this out over the weekend, but I've been busy and will continue to BE busy so I don't want to delay this.

By the way, this story is two years old. It's just been slightly revamped to take out and add a few dimensions in. Thank you for sticking to it! Here's an action/love scene. No smut, sorry guys, can't be smutty all of the time. ;)

J.

**Chapter 7 – I'm Ready.  
September 24, 2005  
2130 Local  
Mercy Hospital  
San Diego, California**

The tests had been done. The scans were run and still they couldn't find what was wrong with Mac. The doctor had agreed to wheel her into a private room in the ICU. Trish and Frank had gone home only an hour earlier and the only person remaining was Harm. He placed a hand over Mac's, caressing softly, willing her to wake up. What was it about hospital beds that made even the strongest person seem so vulnerable and fragile? Why was it that the most wonderful sound in the world – the beep of a heart monitor which signalized life – could annoy a person so much?

Sighing, he brought the guest chair closer as he leaned in, close to her ear. "I love you, Sarah. You know that. . And I need you to wake up. . .We're getting married, remember?" He watched her for a moment, hoping to find some sense, some movement. When it didn't come, a lone tear slid down the side of his face. "Please."

**April 14, 1912  
2135 Local  
RMS Titanic  
Somewhere In The Mid-Atlantic**

"Yes?" Harm breathed a sigh of relief. Never in his wildest dreams could he have imagined that this trip would change his life so much. He brought Mac into his arms, hugging her tightly to him, feeling the warmth of her body amidst the cold night air. When he pulled back, Harm spotted an ugly forming bruise right on her left cheekbone which had been obstructed before by the angle of her body. "Who did this to you?" He cupped her cheek in his hand, gently caressing the area.

"Guess." She knew he would deduce it, even without words. When they were younger, she had told him everything pertaining to Joseph MacKenzie. "I want to hate him. . . But he's my father."

His eyes grew wide with rage at something that he didn't understand during his youth. Back then, he was powerless and General MacKenzie was a force to be reckoned with. Now, he was a grown man and a Naval officer to boot. He knew how to fight and how to protect himself. More so, how to protect those he loved. "He's never going to hurt you again, Sarah. . .I promise it." He brought his hand down from her cheek, then wrapped an arm over her shoulder. "Let's get you back downstairs and warmed up, I'll tend to that bruise."

Somehow, it had been decided that it was best to return to Sarah's room. She'd always carried a first aid kit and with the help of an odd, Oriental formula she had purchased in London, Harm tended to the bruise. Mac sat on a chair as Harm kneeled in front of her. "There we go. . . Not even that bruise can take away your beauty."

"Flattery will get you everywhere." She replied with a saucy grin, chuckling as his eyes went wide with shock.

Harm recovered nicely, his voice dropping just a few tones as his eyes bore onto her own. "And just what did you have in mind?"

Shyly, she glanced towards the bed. "Well, we are in my bedroom. . .We are alone."

"And your parents are probably right next door." At least, her mother was. The General was likely back at the smoking room.

"Are you afraid, Lieutenant?" There was something in the way she said his rank which opened up this whole want of her. Ever since their first time, Mac had become quite the temptress. "I assure you, I don't bite. . ._much_."

There was only so much a man could take. Without another word, Harm swept her into his arms, walked across the room and placed her in the center of the bed. "I'm not afraid." He said as he lowered his body onto her own.

**April 14, 1912  
2320 Local  
RMS Titanic  
Smoking Room  
Somewhere In The North Atlantic Ocean**

General Joseph MacKenzie loved his cigars nearly as much as he loved his alcohol, a deadly combination when mixed along with Black Jack. "Damnit." He cursed, sliding a good portion of his money towards Harry Widener, a 27 year old man who was an American bibliophile. Who knew that 'book worms' could play a Marine under the table.

"Well, it seems that you've run into a bit of hard luck, eh, General?" He tossed back his scotch, then settled in. "Care for another round?"

Joseph stood, then snatched up the remainder of his cash. After passing out for a minute or two in the stateroom, he managed to get back onto his feet and out of the Hell that his wife and daughter had thrust him to. He _needed_ Sarah to marry Brumby, family fortune only went so far. "No, thank you Widener. . .That's enough for tonight." He leaned into his chair, ordered another bourbon and prepared to drink another night away.

Widener studied MacKenzie, amused with the need to consume so much alcohol. Then again, with the rumors and impending marriage of his daughter, he would probably be drinking as well. "You must be proud of your daughter, General."

"Of what?" He said with a snort, waving his arm away from Murdock.

Of course, not everyone was well caught up in the rumor mill. He couldn't possibly know that Harm was not supposed to be Sarah's fiancé. "Of her marriage, of course, sir . .She and that sailor do make a stunning couple."

And with that sentence, Joseph felt the alcohol practically drain from his blood. "_Sailor?_"

"Yes. . .a Lieutenant Rabb, I believe. . .They were seated with you the first night at the Saloon." Widener smiled brightly, images of love dancing in his head. "They didn't know I caught them kissing at the stern earlier tonight. . .sir?" He watched with concern as the genera stood up quickly.

Joseph threw money on the table for his drink and stalked out of the smoking room. "I'm going to kill you, Rabb."

Meanwhile, in Mac's room, she and Harm were rediscovering the wonders of lovers. Harm was trailing kisses from Sarah's lips to her neck, stopping when an offending piece of material, the covers which were over them both, stopped him. "I can't believe this is happening."

"Mmm, I can't either." She leaned into his kisses, allowing herself to feel the new dimension of their relationship. They'd come to know each other as lovers again and it had been just as powerful as their first time.

"Why now though?"

"It was inevitable."

"Inevitable makes it sound. . .bad." He said with a frown.

Sarah glanced towards the ceiling with a thoughtful expression. A slow grin appeared on her lips as she said, "Alright, how about. .. Intrinsic?"

"Intrinsic?"

"Yes, I found the word in a book I was reading and then located it in a dictionary. . .Intrinsic - belonging to someone as an inherent and essential part of their nature . ._Intrinsic_."

Harm chuckled slightly. There was always this magical quality to her that made him feel invincible. His bright smile illuminated the room as he slowly ran a hand down her belly. "I'm an essential part of your nature?"

"Without you, without the memories of what we had, I don't think I could have survived." Wrapping her arms around him, Sarah pulled him down and over her, wanting to feel the weight of his body against her own. She kissed him deeply, arching her body against his.

A slight shift on the ship stopped Harm, who raised himself up on his elbows. He'd been on quite a few ships since his graduation from the Academy and normally that slight jerk meant something. "That was strange." He rolled his body off of the bed and came to sit up at the corner.

"What was?"

Harm held a hand up to silence her, then tried to 'read' the sounds and signs of the ship. True, it wasn't a military vessel, but generally all ships had similar characteristics and something about Titanic worried him. "That movement. . .there was something completely odd about it." He listened for a moment. "The engines are going in reverse now." Quickly, he jumped out of bed, slipping on his slacks. "I'm going to find out what happened." He reached across the bed for his shirt, which Sarah holding just out of his reach. "_Maaac."_

"You have a naked woman in your bed and you're going to run off and check the ship?"

Harm snatched the shirt from her and slipped it on, not buttoning it. "Correction, you're naked in _your_ bed." He reached over the bed, coming down to kiss her before he stepped out, but Sarah had another idea. Her legs wrapped around his back, holding him to her. Breaking their kiss, he glanced up at her. "They do have their own crew, right?"

"Right." She pressed her lips onto his, giggling as he fell onto her, suddenly forgetting about the ship and its engines. Sarah's hand came to his chest, moving upwards and over his shoulders in an attempt to disrobe him. "I love you." She nibbled his chin, placing feather light kisses.

Their intimacy was ruined the moment Joseph MacKenzie broke through the door, saber in hand and a glassy look in his eyes. "You bastard! Get away from her!" His anger had built monumentally since he'd left the Smoking Room. He'd first decided to find the MacKenzie's stateroom, but changed his plan when their steward, with the aid of ten dollars, pointed him into Sarah's room.

Harm didn't move immediately, choosing to cover Mac with his own body in the chance that Joseph would hurt her. "I said get away from her!" He lunged at Harm, the sword cutting through a piece of his shirt and barely missing Sarah.

Harm hopped out of the bed, backing himself into Mac's vanity. He looked around for anything that he could use as a shield or even a weapon. Feeling around grabbed a perfume bottle which he hurled through the air, hitting Joseph on the right side of his face. "C'mon Sarah." He moved speedily past Joseph, grabbing Mac who was now wrapped up in bed sheets. They managed to get out of her room and into the sitting room, but Joseph was right on their heels.

"You're not taking her with you!" Out of Sarah's room, an angry General ran out, sword raised over his head and poised to strike. Harm shoved Mac out of the way, sending her into one of the sofas. He ran quickly towards the fireplace, grabbing the other sword that had been on display.

"Harm!" Sarah's warning was right on time as he spun around and held the sword horizontally in the air as Joseph's made to slice him right through the middle. Harm used his foot to push the General away, but instead, his ankle was caught and twisted, landing him on the floor, the sword skidding out of his reach. "Daddy! Please!" As Harm turned around Joseph punched him in the jaw.

"I hate squids." He aimed the sword at Harm's throat. "You're good for nothing."

Harm glanced at his fiancé, noting the terror in her eyes. "You wouldn't do this, General. . .You wouldn't kill me in front of her. . .She'll hate you. . .She'll hate you for the rest of her life."

"Daddy, please!" Sarah stepped towards her father, hoping to reason with his drunken rage. "I love him."

But her tears wouldn't be heard or cared about. General Joseph MacKenzie had an agreement, an arrangement that _needed_ to be made if he wanted to maintain himself in a life that suited him. "You stupid girl." When Mac was close enough, he struck, the back of his hand connecting with the side of her face, the same side he had slapped earlier. The force sent her to the ground.

"No!" Harm made to get up and got a cut on his midsection as a reward. Before he could stop the General, an arm sneaked around his throat, choking the life out of him.

A sword would be too messy, he'd use his own body to squeeze the life out of Harm. "You should have stayed away, Rabb. . .You should have never gotten close to Sarah!"

Harm was turning blue, his hands digging desperately at Joseph's. As Mac came to, this is how she found them. "No daddy! Please! I love him!" But neither her voice nor her tears were doing anything to help her lover out. She opted to grab the large and heavy cigar humidifier which her father had in the center table. Raising it up, she brought it down over her father's head, the blow knocking him out. She tossed the box to the side, kneeling next to Harm who, she noted, wasn't breathing. "God no!"

Sarah opened up his breathing passages, then pinched his nose. She took one breath and blew into his mouth. Then she took another and it was then that he spurted back to life. Her hand whacked him on the back a few times for good measure. As Harm came to, she held him to her, cradling his head against her bosom. "We have to get out of here." She said softly, knowing he would agree. There were places on the ship where they could surely hide until they made port, even if that meant living for the next few days in the cargo hold.

After a few minutes Harm sat up slowly, his throat aching as he tried to get a grip on his swirling mind. "Get dressed." He commanded her softly. He turned his head to the side, glancing at an unconscious Joseph MacKenzie. With a frown he stood, headed into one of the rooms and took the sheets off the bed and tore long strips out of it. The strips would make as an unconventional handcuffs, something that would slow him down if he should wake up. Harm bound Joe's hands behind his back, then wrapped his ankles together. "I'm sorry we never got along, sir."

Mac stepped out wearing a simple dress and holding a small bag with several of her belongings. "I'm ready. Are you?"


	8. A New Life

**Sorry for the delay guys! I've been buuuuuuuuusy. Nuff said!! Enjoy this part, it is the end... sniffs **

**Th enew story will start to post sometime in August so, please, be patient with me. There are a few kinks I am working out of and trying to write a smut scene. . . yes, our minds go back to the gutter again. Isn't that nice? ;)**

**Enjoy!**

**Jackie**

**Chapter 8 - A New Life.  
September 25, 2005  
0035 Local  
Mercy Hospital  
San Diego, California**

The only reason he wasn't kicked out after visiting hours was because Harm had done everything possible to remain the model visitor. He would quickly move when nurses or doctors came to check on Mac's vitals. He was patient when asking questions and he was trying to look as if he was strong enough for this despite an aching that was growing in his heart.

They still didn't know what had caused Mac's fall, but it was possible that stress from work and wedding planning might have been the culprit. Past the fact that she hadn't regained conciseness, Mac was the picture of health. Tired of the silence in the room, he grabbed a remote and began switching through channels. As luck would have it, the movie Titanic was playing on one of the channels. He'd seen it before, but like most true sailors, never liked that the director chose to portray a fake love story instead of the tragedy itself.

"Harm?" Mac's voice was so soft he might have missed her calling to him.

In a split second, he came off of the chair and to her side. "Mac? Mac? Talk to me. . ." But her eyes were still closed. "Mac, baby, please wake up." He pushed the button for the nurse and waited. . .

**April 15, 1912  
0040 Local  
RMS Titanic  
Boat Deck  
Somewhere In The North Atlantic Ocean**

"Harm?" Mac turned abruptly glancing deeply into his eyes as concern washed over her face. "He's my fiancé. I won't leave without him." She turned slightly to the crew member who was holding back the lifeboat from launching though it was half full. "Please, sir."

Third Officer Herbert Pitman shook his head. "I'm sorry ma'am, Ladies and Children first."

"Sarah, get on." Harm took Mac's hands, running his fingers over her gloved ones. They had weaved their way through the ship, trying to find a spot where they could safely hide out until they docked but just like everyone else aboard, were caught up in the turmoil. Several believed that the need to launch lifeboats was preposterous, Harm knew otherwise. "It'll be alright, I promise."

"I can't lose you again, Harm." Her voice broke slightly as her eyes dropped to the decks. "I can't go through that pain again."

"You won't." He assured, lifting her chin up so he could look into her eyes. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Harm turned to Pitman, giving Sarah's hand to him. "Please make sure my fiancé is safe."

"Yes, sir." Pitman took Mac's hand, helping her onto the lifeboat before jumping in as well. What pained him the most was his order and the fact that he had to separate the lovers.

Sarah stared up, watching Harm intently as the lifeboat was launched and cast downwards. "Harm?"

"I'll find you. . .I promise." He said, swallowing down the lump at his throat as everything he wanted was being forced away from him. What hurt him the most was that, somehow, in his haste to put her on a lifeboat, Harm had forgotten to kiss her.

The lifeboat was not cast off with ease. As it descended, it was found that the plug that enabled water not to seep in was not in its rightful place. Heart in her throat, Sarah stood still as Quartermaster Olliver moved past the passengers' ankles until the hole was plugged. Harm breathed a sigh of relief when he heard Pitman using a whistle to signal that the lifeboat could now be fully lowered. It landed at the bottom with a tiny splash and soon the Titanic crew members on board began to row away from the ship.

Her eyes never left his figure, even as they rowed away from Titanic, Harm seemed to remain rooted in place, almost as if he were making sure she was really safe. It was then that Sarah saw the horror begin to unfold. The ship was actually starting to tilt towards the bow. "She's sinking."

Pitman signaled the men to turn the lifeboat around, hoping to shield the passengers from the sight. "She won't sink. . .We'll return to her by morning, I believe."

But the look on Mac's face noted how badly she didn't believe him. "Mr. Pitman, you do not have to protect us. . .If we are in this situation, I think the truth is needed."

Olliver glanced at the officer, he too believed the ship would sink, but his place in the food chain stated that he needed to keep his mouth shut. "Aye, ma'am. . .Mr. Pitman is correct, we'll be back on board by morning."

Harm watched for as long as he could, finally deciding to try and find a lifeboat for him to climb aboard. As he moved down the boat deck, he spotted the MacKenzie's. Deanne was helping Joseph into a life boat which, Harm supposed, he probably bribed his way onto. It was obvious that their scuffle from earlier was still affecting him. "Bastard." He said under his breath, then decided to turn the other way and avoid an altercation.

Several times he tried to get aboard a lifeboat and as that task became a difficult one, he decided that it was better to help others. As the minutes became hours, the officers were overwhelmed by the amount of passengers trying to make it aboard a lifeboat. Harm had slipped on a proffered life vest as he balanced on his heels against the slope of the decks, still helping with the chaos.

As a sailor, he'd heard tales of shipwrecks and sinkings, but nothing could quite prepare him for this. True, being on a Naval ship was different. He was prepared to go down with _that_ ship, but _this_ was a cruise liner. This was different. They weren't supposed to sink so quickly. They weren't supposed to sink at all.

It was a few minutes past 2am when he found himself, along with a rather large number of passengers, moving against the waters that were rising above the decks. He glanced at two men standing towards one of the railings just past the second funnel. They shook hands and each lunged off the sides and into the cold waters. He decided to do the same. "God help me." Harm wrapped his coat around him tightly and with a deep breath of encouragement, threw himself over the railing.

In the lifeboat, Sarah's face blanched. She wanted to reprimand Pitman for his comments, but couldn't find the words to say it. All of the survivors aboard had taken to helping with the rowing, it would ease the cold and enable them to bare the situation better. "Oh God." The ship's bow was completely underwater and it was sticking up in an unnatural angle. Amazingly, the lights were still on, allowing them to see the persons jumping off of the railings. She watched with a sicken expression as others followed suit, jumping into the water with loud screams.

She tried to ignore the cold, telling herself that it was all just a dream, that she would wake up from it and still be lying by Harm, but each shiver her body took told her otherwise. In a split second, an already horrible scene seemed to get much worse right in front of them. The lights, which had been shining, nearly making it appear as if the ship was on fire, blinked once and then went out. They were cast into the darkness of the night and that was when the ship broke in two pieces. Minutes later, Titanic disappeared into a watery grave.

**April 15, 1912  
1305 Local  
RMS Carpathia  
Somewhere In The North Atlantic Ocean**

Sarah stepped out of the small prayer service that had been held by the crew for both the survivors and lost souls of the Titanic. Holding a handkerchief which a young gentleman had given her, she stepped outwards onto the decks hoping to ease some of the inner turmoil. She was trying to be strong, trying to believe, but after spending hour after hour waiting, hoping and praying, her world was spinning on its end. Despite the cold air, she had refused a warm drink and cabin, choosing, instead, to be one of the persons assisting the survivors that had been brought aboard after her lifeboat. By chance, she had missed an encounter with her parents but managed, sadly, to find that though the Burnett's and Ms. Peterson had all survived, Harm was no where to be found.

A shaky sigh escaped her lips as she moved towards the starboard railing, glancing down at the waters below. It had been nearly five hours since the RMS Carpathia was headed back to New York. Almost five hours of searching for him at every inch of the ship, but I had been no use. "Harm." She used the handkerchief to wipe away one tear and then another, forcing herself to remain calm. So many had perished and he could have been one of the many. "Please be alive."

"I am." Spinning around, she saw him, a little worse for wear, clothing two sizes bigger than his own, with a blanket tossed over his shoulders. "You're alive." He opened up his arms, welcoming her body under the blanket with him, reveling in the feeling of having her so near again. Harm hugged her as if his life depended on it and it did. It always would. He lowered his lips to hers, softly kissing her, ignoring the pain of his lips from long exposure to the cold. It was a miracle he was still alive.

The moment his body hit the water the cold overtook him, shocking the breath out of his lungs. He felt his body going downwards in an out of control spinning motion which he tried to swim against. Figuring he was too close to the ship, he began to swim under the water, trying his best to move as far away as possible, fearing a suction could pull him downwards. The short swim was exhausting, nearly draining every inch of energy out of his muscles. He floated in the water, somewhere between life and death when an overturned lifeboat, manned by Titanic's Second Officer Lightoller came near him. He was one of the few that the men helped onboard and, along with twenty-nine others, floated for six grueling hours, fighting off the harsh cold while maintaining the boat afloat..

Sarah lay her head gently on his chest, the tears she tried to hold back falling hard now as emotion swept her. From her vantage point, Deanne MacKenzie could see her daughter in the arms of the man she truly loved. A crew member of the Carpathia stopped just in front of her, holding a notebook full of names. "Excuse me, ma'am." His face fell down to the deck with a solemn expression. "Are you missing any of your loved ones?"

Deanne glanced away from Sarah and Harm, focusing her attention on the crew member. "Yes. . .My daughter, Sarah MacKenzie. . .I believe she went down with the ship." This would be the exact same thing she would tell her husband.

"My condolences ma'am." The crewmember quickly wrote Sarah's name down and proceeded to another survivor.

There were times during most of Sarah's life that Deanne hadn't been much of a mother. She tried to nurture her daughter as best as she could, but with a force such as Joseph MacKenzie, Deanne had let fear rule her better judgment. This time, she would give her daughter the one thing she longed for – freedom. "Goodbye, darling." Though she would mourn the loss of her daughter, the one thing that comforted her was seeing Sarah so in love and well protected. She would be happy with Harm, something that she knew would never happen had she married Michael Brumby. "I love you."

Sarah raised her head up, her small hand coming to rest on Harm's cheek. "You promised me you'd find me."

"And I don't break promises." Once again, he lowered his head down, fusing her lips with his own. Two days later, they arrived at New York stepping back into their homeland with a new future ahead of them.

**September 25, 2005  
1050 Local  
Mercy Hospital  
San Diego, California**

"Harm?" Somehow, he'd managed to fall asleep, contorted between two guest chairs, with his head lulled to one side. The moment he heard her voice his body gave an involuntary jerk and every muscle fiber seemed to cry out in pain. This however seemed to be magically healed the moment his eyes met hers. Mac smiled broadly, taking a good look at her fiancé's position on the chairs. His feet were hanging off one end, one arm was draped through an arm rest. It just didn't look comfortable. "Morning."

Blinking a few times couldn't quite seem to clear the fact that this was real, that she was awake. "Mac? You're awake?" He slowly came off the chairs, stretching his body out before grasping her outstretched hand which he kissed the back of before bending over and kissing the top of her head. "How. . .how do you feel?"

She looked around almost as if realizing for the first time that they were not at their home. "Confused. . .What happened?" Sliding over, she made room for him on the bed, nearly dragging his form over so that he would lay with her.

Despite protests from his body, Harm slid next to Mac, watching her intently. "You passed out on me when we were at the Maritime Museum. . .You knocked yourself out." He brushed a hand over her head, towards a spot where the doctors assured him she would be sore for a while.

Mac winced slightly, following his hand to the same area. She hadn't needed stitches but it was a pretty nasty bump. "I guess I gave you a scare."

"You wouldn't wake up. . .You've been out of it for almost a whole day. . . The doctors said there was nothing physically wrong with you. You just. . .you wouldn't wake up." His voice fell flat as emotions overcame him. All he could think about while he watched her the night before, were the countless amounts of persons who never woke up. God, he didn't want Mac to be one of those, they still had so much left to do.

Doctor Sharp, the man who had tended to Mac through the days stood at the doorway with a clipboard in hand. "Nice to see our patient is awake." He smiled brightly as he stepped into the room. "How are you feeling, Ms. MacKenzie?"

"A little light headed and nauseous, but I'm okay, I suppose." She threaded her fingers through Harm's hand and rested her head against his shoulder. "When can he spring me?"

Sharp chuckled. People were always so darn eager to leave. "Soon, but there's a little matter to attend to." Normally, medical news was given to the patient and the patient only, but, what he had witnessed with Harm was truly heart wrenching. A love like that could take any news.

"Is she alright?" Immediately, Harm was on alert again, unwilling to feel as helpless as he did in the past days. "I thought you said that the tests results were. . ."

"Yes, Mr. Rabb. . .Her test results were fine. . .However, there was something that we missed. Something we normally don't test for, but one of our Interns gave me a suggestion." He glanced down at the file again and smiled. "Sarah is pregnant."

Mac's face fell. It was the type of news that she wasn't able to comprehend. "That can't be right." Less than four percent – that was what Doctor Chen had offered and she had learned to live with it. Now. . .Oh God, was she _really _getting everything she ever wanted?

Sharp nodded. "I ran the results three times, you are about four weeks pregnant."

Harm suddenly made the connection. "That's why you've been feeling sick lately. . .remember, we thought it was food poisoning." It also made sense why she had collapses, at least, he thought it did. "You haven't been eating properly." He accused, recalling the past chaotic week and the never ending cases from Hell.

"Diet is an important aspect. . .I've prescribes some vitamins for you to take. Of course, you should run this through your OBGYN. . .I've asked the nurse to start processing your release forms. You can take her home today, Mr. Rabb." He smiled again, "Congratulations."

Unable to say anything else, Harm stared at Mac with wonder. They hadn't planned for any of this. In fact, he'd all but given up at the notion of them having their own children. Just having Mac was icing on the cake, it was enough, more than enough. And now. . . "This must be what they say a million Christmases feels like." Unconsciously, his hand dropped to her, still flat belly. "A baby?"

The shock still hadn't worn off Mac who tensed slightly at the feel of his hand on her abdomen. "I can't. . .This is just."

"Mac, you're going to be a mother. . .A little girl with your looks and my brains." He'd long since stopped dreaming of a son. For reasons unbeknownst to him, Harm's mind had conjured up the perfect little girl – daddy's little girl. Who said that she couldn't be a pilot like her father? And maybe, just to appease Mac, she would fly for the Marines. He studied his fiancé for a moment. "Mac, say something please."

"I don't know what to say. . .It's. . .it's everything I ever wanted." A baby. They were going to have the baby that they'd promised to each other so long ago. Everything that she wanted – that they wanted, had come full circle. "I love you, Harm."

"I love you too, Mac." He pulled her into his arms, careful of the IV's running through her veins. "I think now, more than ever, we have to finish with the wedding plans."

Mac sighed deeply, snuggling herself into his frame. The truth of it was that, as a Marine, she believed she could handle it all, storm the beaches and take on anything that crossed her path. Somehow, wedding planning made a battle seem like a piece of cake. "It's overwhelming."

"I understand."

"No, you don't." She shook her head then raised a hand to his lips to silence him. "My first wedding. . .if you could call it that. . .was a mess. My plans to marry Mic, most of it was things that he wanted and I went along with to appease him. . .This is different." Mac bit her lower lip as her eyes watered. This felt so stupid to her, landing in a hospital because of the amount of stress she was putting onto herself. Worse of all, she had scared him, she could see it in his eyes. At the very least, one piece of positive news came from it all. "I can honestly say I really didn't know love until I met you, Harm. . .and I want this to be perfect. For the first time everything I want is in my sights and I don't want to mess anything up."

Harm brushed away a tear that slid down her cheek. He knew very well that her want of perfection could sometimes cause a bit of undo stress upon her. But to see her so wound up about their wedding was both unsettling and endearing at the same time. "Babe, I hate to break it to you, but nothing is ever perfect." He wrapped an arm around her then ran his fingers soothingly down her arm.

"I know, but I was trying to get as close as possible." Impishly, she grinned at him only to be met by a scolding look. "Okay, okay. . .I'll ease off, I got a life growing inside of me to worry about now."

He smiled as her hand pressed on to his own and over her abdomen. Eight months to go. Eight short months. "You'd better ease off, MacKenzie."

"Or what?" She challenged right back.

"I won't marry you?" Harm replied in a playful tone.

Chuckling, Mac slapped him on the arm. "Rabb, if you don't get your six down that aisle, I will kick it from here to the Aleutians."

"Oooh feisty. . .So does this mean I have my Marine back?"

"You never lost her. . .She was just taking a nap."

"Don't ever do that again." Harm kissed her soundly, neither realizing the group that had gathered at the door.

Trish glanced at her husband with a big smile. "A daughter-in-law and a grandchild. . .I never thought I would see the day."

Frank took his wife by the arm and pulled her down the hall. "C'mon dear let's leave the kids alone."

**THE END**

**Titanic Facts.**  
Length: 882 feet 6 inches  
Weight: 46, 328 Tons  
Passengers: 329 First Class, 285 Second Class, and 710 Third Class  
Crew: 892  
Total Lifeboat Capacity: 1,186  
Cost: $7.2 million in 1912 ($400 million today)  
Lives Lost: 1502

**Side note:** The sinking of Titanic and three years later, the Lusitania are usually the most famous tragedies of the maritime history, however, they are not the worst. That sad title goes to the Wilhelm Gustloff, a former German cruise ship that was turned into a troop transport/hospital ship. Towards the end of the second world war, refugees trying to escape Western Europe got aboard the ship, filling it way past capacity in order to flea. 20 miles after leaving port, the Gustloff was struck by three Russian torpedoes. The ship sank in 50 minutess and only 996 passengers survived out of a possible 6,000+ that were crammed onboard.


End file.

JAG, Drama, Romance