Full Metal Panic 1. Default Chapter

The bushes rustled.

Only the most capable operative would have noticed the nervous breathing coming from inside the shrub.

A number of people made their way to the door. They were inconsequential. The primary target was not in sight. None of the secondary concerns were anywhere within range. The skulking figure listened carefully, sniffing the air when no worrisome sounds were heard. The chill air caused exhaled gases to be visible. Only the greatest act of will prevented the knocking of knees or explosive coughing.

It was time. The coast was clear. The route had been mapped out long in advance.

The shadowy form practically burst forth from the azaleas in front of Jindai High School. The expected window was indeed open. The room was unoccupied. Initial insertion took place without a hitch. The training session had been well worth the time.

A quick dash across the main hallway went unnoticed. The target was alone, back turned the door. The figure reached inside of a full length winter coat and took out a closely guarded item. It was too easy. But, the hardest part lay ahead. Only an unfeeling cad would be able to go through with this and not feel any emotion.

Quiet. There must be complete silence. The target was exceedingly skilled, and could not be allowed any chance of escape. And, there could be no witnesses.

One step. Sweat began to form in small beads. Another step, with the item held in a raised arm. The beads of sweat coalesced, forming larger drops. Breath was held. Courage was wavering. Resolve was tested like never before. A third step. Sweat fell to the floor, breaking into infinitesimal fragments. _Almost there!_ It would soon be over. A foot was raised off the floor, preparing for the next step.

The vagaries of fate took over.

"Ah! There you are, Kaname!" Kyouko's cheerful voice froze Kaname dead in her tracks, a few feet away from Sousuke, a fancy engraved card in her hand.

Kaname jumped, as if she had stepped barefoot on a live wire. "O, Kyouko. So nice to...uh...see you here…_now_..."

Sousuke turned around. "Your approach was somewhat noisy, but remarkably quiet for an untrained girl with large feet. Were you testing me?"

"Ummm...errrr...testing..._yes!_ That's exactly what I was doing. **AH HA HAH HAH HAH HA** **_HAHHH_**..." Kaname quickly tucked the card back inside her coat. She turned to scowl at her friend, mentally daring her to take out her camera.

"Are you feeling good, Kaname? You look upset... or nervous?" Kyouko smiled when she saw Kaname's hands clench. "Was it something to do with Sousuke?"

"I just said that, _didn't_ I?" Kaname came close to growling. She felt like a wolf at that moment, and Kyouko looked an awful lot like a lamb chop.

"Hey guys, what's up? Why does Kaname look so upset?" Ryo walked over next to Kyouko. "Did Sousuke do something again?"

"I... am... **not**... upset!" Kaname looked as if she was ready to go ballistic. Ryo joined the figurative food chain.

"What's all the commotion about?" Maya strode into the room, holding a large box. It was filled with _kurisumasu kehki_, strawberry festooned Christmas cakes. "Is Kaname obsessing with Sousuke's otaku habits again?"

Ryo looked at Kyouko and smiled. Sousuke put down the cleaning manual for the Squad Automatic Weapon, his one eyebrow raised in curiosity.

"Me? Obsessed with Sousuke? You have g_ot _to be kidding. **AH HA HAH HAH HA HAH!"** Kaname picked up a Christmas cake, trying hard to keep her hand from shaking. "Are these from a bakery, or did you buy them from the ladies on the sidewalk down town?"

"_Wow!_ Maya's got the cakes. Hey, everybody, in here. The more the merrier!" Shinji walked in, a scarf around his neck and a large grin on his face. Mizuki came in shortly thereafter.

"So, what was everybody talking about?" Mizuki asked, looking at Kaname's feigned look of angelic calm. "Does it start with an 'S'?"

"Kaname was doing something with Sousuke." Kyouko answered, camera ready. "I think it was supposed to be a secret."

"Kaname?" Sousuke asked. If there were any secrets involving Chidori, he should make certain there was no reason for concern.

"Please. Why would I be doing _anything_ with Sousuke that was secret? By definition, nothing the Misguided Military Mutant does is secret for long. Remember the upgrade to the sprinkler system that had the gym under water? Or, the X-ray machine he installed at the school entrance, and how the music club used it to take see-through pictures of all the girls?"

"Yes," Sousuke answered. "They said they wanted to see what _had mrrrfffbbbfflll mrpphhhlll mrphhh"  
_  
Kaname knew exactly what the club members had said. 'We just wanted to know what crawled up Kaname's ass and died.' She had been mortified. The jokes had been continuous for a week. Sousuke had needed sutures after he asked why she hadn't told him about the animal infestation.

"Of course. You're absolutely right." Maya winked at Ryo. Kaname caught the exchange, ready to strangle someone.

"Actually, there was no animal..." Sousuke ended up flying over a series of desks. Kaname picked up a cake and shoved it in his mouth. She quickly tried to hide the halisen behind her back.

"Uh oh. Is this a bad time?" Ren walked into the room with a large paper bag. "I brought some small gifts for everyone. But, if this is a Kaname and Sousuke moment, I can wait."

"When is it a good time?" Shinji asked. Everyone except Kaname and Sousuke laughed.

"So, Kaname..." Kyouko had a devilish look on her face. She pushed her friend closer to Sousuke, whowa busy cleaning a patina of icing off of his face. "Have you made any plans for Christmas Eve?"

All of the other girls looked intently at Kaname, holding their breaths. Christmas Eve was a time boys often took their girlfriends out for a romantic dinner or a night at a hotel.

"Something... ro-_man_-tic…… hmmmm?" Mizuki's grin was inflammatory.

Kaname looked as if she had turned to stone. But, she was made of strong stuff. Nothing would knock her down for long. "Romantic? Me? **AH HAH HAH HA HAH!"**

"Yes. I believe Kaname is correct. Why would the night before a commercial holiday be of any significance? There would be absolutely no reason to risk going out on such an occasion." Sousuke did not like the idea of crowds or overly festive occasions, particularly not where Kaname's safety was concerned.

Sousuke's words seemed to have an immediate electric effect on Kaname. Her mouth went flat. Her shoulders quivered momentarily. Her eyes went blank. "I should hurry. I believe there are duties I must perform as Class Representative." She walked forcefully from the room, chin held high and arms swinging wildly. Something dropped out of her coat and slid across the floor. It was a card. The card had Sousuke's name on it. It was closed by a stamped bit of wax on a fanciful ribbon. There was a slight hint of perfume about it.

Sousuke picked up the card and placed it in his satchel. Could this be the reason Kaname was acting somewhat strangely?

He would need to investigate.


	2. Chapter 2

The sound of the small wooden door echoed in her ears.

Kaname fought to catch her breath. She had started off walking, had changed to a swift trot, and had ended up running.

Damn that Sousuke! Damn Kyouko. Damn them all. Damn the stupid holiday season.

Why did they even have to have Christmas in Japan anyway? Most Japanese profess no personal religion, their culture binding them to Shinto and Buddhism. Many traditions and customs prevented them from understanding the message of salvation, or from grasping the concept of a single supreme God. Less than one percent of the population was Christian, and in Tokyo alone there were numerous people who wondered if Christmas represented Santa Claus' birthday.

At least in America, people knew there was some connection with the birth of Jesus, despite the mercantile traditional that had grown up around the holiday. In Japan, it wasn't even an official holiday. There were artificial trees about aplenty, but many of them were for Japanese New Year. But, strangely enough, English language Christmas carols played on speakers outside of stores, beckoning people to buy gifts. She had even heard a trance version of 'Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer' the other day!

The Mitsukoshi store decorated a huge Ginza Christmas tree. Many other gaudy decorations were put up by other commercial agencies. Large groups of brass bands would play outside of the Sony building. Advertising everywhere was in green and red. _Why?_ Because everyone was so fascinated with Western traditions? Maybe they should worry about their _own_ holidays. There was already a reason to buy Oseibo gifts to celebrate the end of the year. Did people _really_ need to buy Christmas gifts as well?

Kaname fought back tears. She wasn't certain why she was on the verge of crying. Yes she was. "Be honest, girl..." She knew exactly why. Finally, after wrestling terribly with herself, she had found the courage to do something that she had had denied ever wanting. Her emotions had been stoked to a feverish level, and the possibility of things going wrong had kept her on the verge of a complete meltdown.

She had been so close. Then, the rug was pulled out from under her feet. Just the same, maybe she should be thankful, given Sousuke's commentary at the end. The collapse of that opportunity may have saved her from more severe heartache. Yes. It would probably be safer just to forget about things. There might still be time for a refund.

_There would be any number of excuses that made sense._

There were _always _excuses. If it wasn't that, it was distractions or last minute losses of confidence. Why should this time be any different? It's not as if she ever had success with any romantic situations in the past, regardless of who was involved. Romance wouldn't make her study more. Romance wouldn't boost the scores on her exams. If anything, it would probably make things worse. After all, there was a good reason why the nation outlawed dating in Junior High School. It wasn't a coincidence that a majority of students didn't think about dating until they got into college.

No. This time would have been different, regardless of what the answer might have been. She had never felt this way before. She had never allowed herself to open up this much. She had never found her pulse racing... her breath quickening... her daydreams getting so wild... not before a certain young soldier turned her world upside down and inside out. "Not before Sousuke..." Her voice came out in a whisper.

She had to be honest with herself. It wasn't Christmas she was angry about. She wasn't even certain that her predominant emotion was anger. Christmas Eve was the issue. Beethoven's Ninth Symphony---called he Daiku here---would be playing everywhere. People would be eating Christmas cakes. Young lovers would be going out to spend romantic times together at fancy restaurants. Some would be meeting at hotels.

_Christmas cakes._

Most end up being eaten on Christmas Day. Any cakes unsold come December 26th were considered worthless. That had led to the use of the phrase "Christmas cake" when referring to a woman who had not found a husband before she reached the age of twenty-six. Kaname was still a good ways away from twenty-six. But, that wouldn't make her feel any better come Christmas Day, if no one cared about her. She didn't want to be like those discarded pastries. What she wouldn't give to have someone look at her as if she truly meant something!

Kaname banged her fist against the wall in the small janitorial cubbyhole she had stepped into. Reaching above her head, she turned on a light bulb attached to a precariously hung wire. She needed to get herself under control before she could step out into the narrow service hallway and make her way back amongst her fellow students.

What had she been thinking? She hadn't even begun dating yet! Did she really believe that something like she planned might break the ice and get things going? How could she have been so foolish? She knew who she was talking about. All too well! She could guess what his reaction might be. Why did she set herself up for such pain?

_She knew why._

Floating down from great heights, arms around Sousuke as he held onto a huge balloon. He had been worried about her. When he knew that she was safe, everything had been alright. But, she had been terribly hurt when he took no notice of her knew white bikini. She had looked good in that!

Riding on the back of a bicycle, coming back from an abandoned hospital. She had failed to frighten Sousuke with horror stories and the spooky environment, but he had been scared when he thought she might be dead or severely injured. She had even gotten a brief confession out of him. He wouldn't say it again, though. That disappointed her. Moron!

Watching Bonta-Kun running from the police, as she rode in a Ferris wheel with and old crush. She had known who was in that costume. The shotgun had been a dead giveaway, even if the fighting skills had not. He had saved her once again, dressed in that ridiculous suit. _Fumo fumoffu!  
_  
And, how could she forget what happened in Khanka? That maniac had kidnapped her. That quack scientist had put her in that damn machine. Sousuke revealed his true identity, saving her from everything, even though he was badly wounded. For a moment there, before Kurz interrupted, things had been so close.

But he was too clueless. Why did she forget that, time and time again? He never understood what she was feeling. His embarrassing display with the dating simulator was nothing compared to real life! That whole business with Mizuki had been frustrating to watch. And that uninvited kiss! "Damn you, Sousuke..."

Maybe she _was _setting her hopes too high. He was nothing but a thick-skulled muddle-headed otaku idiot! He forgot appointments for study. He showed up in the middle of a softball game, materializing out of nowhere, as if it were no big deal. He gave her jewelry because of practicality, duty, and obligation. He promised a vacation to an island, but instead took her to meet that Captain! He paid altogether too much attention to the clumsy girl when she came to visit the school. On the submarine, he had told her how bad his world had become when he was assigned to Tokyo and to her. He forgot her homework. He was so out-to-lunch that he thought that flirting and picking up girls meant luring them with money capturing them in cages!

But, he did invite her to join him at his special fishing spot. He did say that he felt as if he could do anything if she was with him. In the light of the setting sun, by a fountain at a lake, he had looked at her in her mother's purple kimono and said that she was beautiful. "Sousuke Sagara, you are so confusing..."

Her life had never been the same since that scar-faced student showed up with a gun in his school bag. How many times had he driven her close to murder with his nonsense and his antics? How often had she come close to being shot, exploded, or otherwise bent, spindled, or mutilated? That big jerk had even brought an unknown biological agent into the classroom, risking who knows what! The students and teachers had been thrown into tizzy. So many people were frightened, thinking they were going to die. So many were embarrassed, caught naked in front of their peers and total strangers. Mithril had to pull a lot of strings and call in a lot of favors to save his enrollment at the school.

Still, he was the only boy who ever made her feel warm inside. He was the only one who really valued her safety, and not just because it was his job. He risked drastic reprimand on a number of occasions, just to be certain she was OK. While he would normally stick to the exact letter of the law most of the time, he would bend or break rules and regulations for her. She _knew_ there was something inside of that rigid military shell. In his own way, he cared for her in a way that he had never cared for anyone else before. She could just sense it. Even Melissa Mao had inferred as much once.

What was it that she really wanted? How much did she hope for? Was she willing to go too far to find out what there might be between them? Was that even wise, given the sobering fact that he could be pulled away from Tokyo at any moment, his life put squarely on the line during some world crisis? He might even be reassigned permanently! Did it make any sense to set herself up for _that_ fall? "Why is this so hard..."

She remembered what Sousuke had said and done during the Full Monty Bacteria crisis, before they had all known that the mysterious agent was not a fatal virus, but rather a clothes-eating bacterium. . It made her blush, and caused her to question her own heart. What might have happened if he didn't get that reassuring phone call? His voice floated in his mind. Her pulse rate went up and her breathing quickened. He had led her to the Nurse's office, after saying 'Please come with me.'

She had hesitated, but he had been forceful, saying 'I said there is no time. Just come with me.' He had pulled the curtain away from an infirmary bed. She had stared at that bed, wondering just what he might have in mind. 'Chidori, take off your clothes.' Those words first ran like ice water through her. But, she felt part of her warming up. 'Just because we are going to die...it's too sudden.' She had fought the idea. There were endless excuses. 'I have to prepare mentally.' 'Besides, in a place like this...' He had been insistent. 'It's OK. So, don't say any words and just take off your clothes.'  
_  
She had done just that._

Naked, she had sat behind that curtain, torn by mixed desires and conflicting emotions. What might have happened if things had gone further? Because of the false premise of the situation, the thought that they were all doomed to die, she might have been mortified when they learned the truth. She could very well have ended up hating him forever.

Now, she had the luxury to think about such things. How far _did_ she want to go? What might it mean? How did Sousuke feel? Might a more intimate relationship help him find a better place in the world? Or, would it weaken him, making him less effective at his job, putting him at greater risk? "Courage, Kaname..."

She had made up her mind to give Sousuke the card. She had no control over what happened directly after that. If he accepted her offer, anything else that followed would be something they could explore together.

Yes, she would give him the card. She reached inside her coat to look at it one more time.

_It was gone._


	3. Chapter 3

Sousuke didn't notice any discomfort as he huddled behind a transformer shed at the rear of Jindai High School.

The parka, boots, and tinted goggles that had served him well under Arctic conditions were overkill in the tamer city environs. As the wind caused the tall naked trees to sway and bend, he thought back to times when he and the SRT had made their way across desolate terrain, their mission in the balance.

Usualy, he did not stop to think how strange it was that such things made up the majority of his teenage memories

The situation was not an emergency, and might not even qualify for 'drastic'. But, he couldn't be certain. The matter was something outside of his personal experience. He needed Sgt. Major Mao's assistance. There was no telling what he would face, and how costly any wrong move might prove. A good soldier doesn't rush into battle unprepared, or retreat before the battle is lost.

_Melissa would know what to do._

It was difficult turning the knobs on the radio with his survival mittens on, so it took a while to dial in the correct frequency. Moments of static interrupted the signal, but he finally reached the com operator aboard the TDD-1. The deck officer paged the Sgt. Major for him.

Sousuke was troubled. Deeply so. He'd rather be closed inside an M9 or Arbalest, hacking his way through the exuberant underbrush of some Central American hotspot, with heavily armed junta members hot on his heals. He'd prefer to be fighting his way across a burning desert, huge waves of sand blinding his sensors and clogging up the joints on his Arm Slave. He knew what to do in _those_ situations.

He hadn't taken great notice of Kaname's behavior at the beginning of school that morning. She had been somewhat nervous, and flashed a bit of anger, but neither of those characteristics had been out of the ordinary. The tone in her voice when she left the room had spoken of disappointment, but he was no stranger to that emotion in her either.

Then, he had spotted the card. It had been sitting in the middle of the classroom floor. His name was on it. His immediate thought was to detonate it at a safe location, fearing some type of trap. But, after more than a dozen similar episodes in the past, he was beginning to show more restraint. No doubt such lax behavior was an open invitation to tragedy, but he needed to make some concessions to his role as a high school student.

The logical conclusion was that Kaname had dropped it accidentally, as it was located where she had been standing. Naturally, the proper move might then be to return it to her, as there might well have been some significance to her presenting it personally. But, taking note of her actions in a different light, he wondered if she was somehow uncomfortable doing just that. And, as clueless as he was, he still had an idea what might happen if he handed the card to Kaname, and it had actually come from _another_ young lady.

In each class that day, he observed Kanmae's reactions. She was on edge. At times, she even looked frantic. Was his failure to make any commentary about the card a problem? She also spent time between classes looking under furniture, behind counters, and in assorted nooks and crannies about the building and the school grounds. Did she suspect some kind of clandestine activities? Or, was she merely looking for the card?

It was not an idle thought. He should consider _all_ possibilities. Her safety was his primary concern. Had she caught wind of some plot that she didn't tell him about? Might she doubt his ability to handle matters without causing some form of catastrophic outcome? Could the card actually be some form of farewell address, informing him that she no longer wanted his his protection? That thought had brought him up short. Like a small dog with a big attitude, the possibility fastened itself to him and wouldn't let go until he acted.

He had opened the card. It _was_ from Kaname. At first, he didn't know what to make of the writing inside:

_Sousuke---_

I would be honored if you could accompany me to dinner on the night of December 24th. If I may be so bold, I have made reservations at Fujimama's and for the Belles Des Belles hotel.

Yours expectantly,  


_Kaname  
_

He had been sorely puzzled. It was kind of Kaname to offer to buy him dinner, even though he was quite content with the occasional meals that she cooked for him. But, what would they need a hotel reservation from? No matter what hour they finished dining, a taxi could take them home in decent time. The unnecessary expenditure of money had him conjuring all sorts of shady scenarios. What was Kaname involved in? Might she need his help in getting out of some sordid or tricky situation?

Then for some reason, he remembered Kyouko's question: 'So, Kaname...have you made any plans for Christmas Eve?' Mizuke had added an inquiry of her own, before Kaname could 'Something... romantic... hmmmm?' Kaname's response had been rushed and somewhat excessive. 'Romantic? Me? **AH HAH HAH HA HAH!'**. He had told her on numerous previous occasions that loud laughter was an environmental hazard. She had had struck him repeatedly the time he borrowed a decibel meter to prove his point.

Christmas Eve...

Something romantic...

December 24th **was **Christmas Eve...

Sousuke had been stunned. He somehow felt personally at risk, even dangerously so. The last time he had felt anything like this had been the time he stopped with his foot just inches above a well-concealed anti-personnel mine.

Kaname? Him? Something romantic? _Romantic?_ How? Why? For what purpose? She had not made any obvious overtures regarding dating in the past. In fact, half of the time he couldn't be certain whether or not she hated him! There a big difference between hating and dating. Or, so he surmised.

Dating? The very thought made him stiffen. He must be jumping to conclusions. That is a dangerous habit in a soldier. But, he also knew how dangerous ignorance could be to an operative.

Yes, it might be possible that she wanted to arrange a tryst with someone else and needed him present to provide a cover story. Maybe it was a married man or a famous politician. Could it be someone from another school, a boy she was willing to share Jindai secrets with? Not a teacher!

None of that made any sense. Kaname was not like that. Realizing that such possibilities didn't likely exist, he began to sweat heavily. His heart raced at great speed, even though he had not been exerting himself. He felt dizzy, and his breathing was labored. He could not afford to fall ill before he solved this mystery.

Images from his past flashed before his eyes, raising his stress level even higher. He pictured scenes from a movie Kurz had forced him to watch once, a romantic film with very little clothing. That was replaced by a vision of Kaname standing in her mother's kimono. He remembered getting brief glimpses of her body behind the screen in the Nurse's office.

"**No!** Those thoughts serve no purpose. Such feelings get soldiers in trouble. They do not aid them in any way..."

For some reason, he involuntarily recalled how it felt to have Kaname in his arms during various rescue situations. The scent of her perfume filled his mind, causing him to look to see if she was actually there. The look in her eyes, it had confused him more than once. At times, there seemed to be openness and sharing, often followed by disappointment for some reason. He recalled the sound of her voice during their quiet moments alone. Certain notes and inflections caused his throat to tighten. There was a discomfort in parts of his body he did not wish to acknowledge. "This does not make any sense. A piece of paper should not distract a Specialist in this manner. I may need a medical examination..."

He remembered watching another movie, an instructional video from an Australian sheep breeding program that Kurz gift-wrapped for his birthday one year. Befuddled, he had watched the documentary, trying to determine what secret military value it might hold. His long-haired squad mate told everyone at the dinner table that night that Sousuke had been watching a _How-To_ movie. Melissa had to explain the joke to him, after she had Kurz wash every inch of the Arm Slaves in the holding bay.

A brief image of Kaname dressed only in a skimpy wool coat passed before his eyes. Where had _that_ come from? Had the solution on the card been a hallucinogen? Was it the center of some plot after all? Sousuke took his own pulse. He checked his capillary refill time. There were no irregularities in his heartbeat. A brief neurological exam failed to show any glaring deficits or hyperreactivity. He was well oriented to person, place, and time. There were no obvious visual field defects or disturbances of cerebellar function.

Yes. His approach was correct. He needed to talk with someone. His reactions might indicate a tendency that could spell disaster in future missions. If he were subject to some inappropriate psychological or physical condition, it would be best to have it looked into as soon as possible. On the other hand, if the card did indeed have something to do with dating... any kind of boy and girl things... he would _definitely_ need to speak to somebody!

His arms seemed to be experiencing a slight tremor. Strange. He would need to sneak into the infirmary and borrow a thermometer. He might also see if they had any sterile saline solution. It might be prudent to start an IV. His mouth was incredibly dry.

He had debated who to contact. It had not taken him long to run down the list of possibilities. It couldn't be anyone at the school. Even he understood the propensity for gossip, and the devastating effects it could have. It could not be Kurz! Not unless he wanted the issue discussed throughout Da Danaan, the Mithril base, and bars throughout Southeast Asia. Tessa? _No!_ That would be the last person on earth he would bring up such a subject with. The Captain's behavior around him was another point of confusion.

Kurz had suggested he watch the sheep movie with Tessa. He hadn't. Just the same, a vision of her in a lamb costume began to materialize. He struck himself hard on the side of the head, chasing it away just in time. Tessa? The last person? Negative! Sousuke swallowed as best he could. _That_ would be Cmdr. Mardukas. He had to make certain that the Commander never had reason to suspect some incapacity or disability. Never. Not ever. Perhaps Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin. His judgment proved repeatedly sound. Though he was not exactly a father figure or friend, the Lt. Cmdr. often looked out for Sousuke's best interest. No, it would be best not to raise any doubt in the SRT's commander.

The answer was obvious. He should have settled on it straight out. Sgt. Major Mao. She was not someone inclined to go running to their commanding officers. It was in her best interest to have all of her squad members in peak physical and mental condition. In addition, she was a woman. There was a saying 'send a thief to catch a thief.' Perhaps a woman was the best person to ask about Kaname's possible intentions and expectations… unless there were certain secrets that females were beholden to keep privy.

_What other options did he have?_

He shivered a bit, waiting for Melissa to get on the line. Fortunately, no one else was outside braving the icy winds.

"Urzu-7, this is Urzu-2, do you read me? Over."

Sousuke felt relieved. In fact, he hadn't felt that much relief since the time a Mithril copter had appeared overhead, snatching him out of a dangerous firefight in a drug runner's compound, seconds before the charges he had planted blew the group of buildings sky high. "Urzu-2, this is Urzu-7. I read you."

"Sousuke! What is your situation. The radio officer said your message was urgent. Is the school under attack? Has Kaname been kidnapped or injured?"

"Uh..."

"Sousuke, are _you _injured? What is going on? Urzu-7, answer! If you are in too much danger to answer, I will start emergency proceedings immediately." Melissa went on to tell an unidentified officer to locate Captain Testarossa.

"Uh..."

"_Dammit!_ There must be something wrong. Hold on Sousuke. We'll get help there as soon as..." The Sgt. Major was clearly concerned. Sousuke interrupted her.

"No." He spoke louder than he had intendfed, having to force the words out. "It is not necessary."

"What? Repeat, Urzu-7. Come on Sousuke!" Her voice was insistent.

"The situation is urgent, but it...uh...is not an... uh... emergency."

"How's that? You pulled me away from a planning session, mister. This had _better_ be important. Sousuke, you don't want to move ahead of Kurz on my shit list!" Melissa sounded like she was quickly growing angry.

"Ummm..."

"**SAGARA!** Get to it. That's an order." The volume of Melissa's shout caused feedback I the connection.

"Sir, yes sir!" Sousuke actually stood and snapped to attention. "This morning, Miss Chidori was acting strangely. Her behavior has grown more suspicious with every passing moment. Then, I discovered the item..."

"What item, Sousuke? A bomb? Listening device? Some evidence that she might have been blackmailed or drugged? Just what kind of threat do you suspect?" Melissa sounded very business-like

"I am uncertain. That is why I have contacted you. She dropped a card. It had my name on it. I read it. I do not understand the situation and do not wish to compromise my mission. I needed the advice of my superior." Sousuke suddenely wondered it it was right to call.

There was no reply. One minute passed. Then two. The line was still open, and Sousuke could hear faint sonar pings in the background. "Sgt. Major?" Still no answer. "Sgt. Major Mao, are you still there?"

"A _card,_ Sousuke?" Melissa's voice was totally flat. Sousuke had never heard her quite that deadpan before. "A… f-cking… card?"

"Affirmative! With a wax seal, a ribbon, and an inorganic substance most likely representing perfume." There was no reply, again. Sousuke could barely make out the sound of something being crumpled. There was a male voice in the background: "But that can was full, Sgt. Major Mao."

Melissa's reply was terse and razor-edged, but not directed at Sousuke. "I _know_ that!" The silence returned. All Sousuke heard was breathing, the kind that all operatives were taught to use in stress reduction. "OK, Sousuke. Let's forget that you called me on a secure line to inform me that you got a card. A _card._ What exactly is the problem?" Melissa sounded much calmer, almost personable.

"Kaname invited me to dinner on December 24th. To a fancy restaurant. She also mentioned reservations at a hotel called Belles Des Belles."

Sousuke heard a quick in rush of breath. There was chuckling. That was followed by out and out laughter. "**Wooo Hooo!** What Weber wouldn't give to hear _this_ one!" The Sgt. Major had done a complete turn around. She now sounded cheerful. Too much so.

"Sgt. Major?" Sousuke felt wired for some reason. What was so funny? Just what had he stepped in this time?

"I can see why you called now, Sousuke. I've been to Belles Des Belles before, and any number of places like it. Has anyone explained to you what type of hotel it is?" Melissa's voice sounded rich with anticipation.

"_Negative!_ Is it a meeting place for terrorists or operatives? Could this be some kind of a trap?" Sousuke began to be concerned.

"Yes. It could indeed be some kind of trap..." Her voice was practically ecstatic. That was an inappropriate response for a potentially dangerous situation. "But not the type that you would know anything about, Sousuke.

"But Kaname..."

"The Belles Des Belles is a Love Hotel, Sousuke." Melissa paused, wishing she had a video feed of her subordinate. "It is a meeting place for couples and lovers. The kind of place to go to spend time together, away from the cramped rooms and thin walls of their apartments and work place."

"Uh..."

"They have a bed, and all sorts of amenities. There may even be some kind of theme in the décor and the furniture. The better places are in high demand, so reservations need to be made weeks in advance, especially for Christmas Eve."

"Uh..."

"You do realize that Christmas Eve is a night for couples to indulge their affection and express their amorous and lustful feelings?" Melissa was practically purring.

"Uh..."

"It would seem that a certain blue-haired girl has invited you to spend some time alone with her at a romantic hideaway." Inexplicably, Melissa muted the channel momentarily, right after she began chortling uncontrollably.

Sousuke dropped his handset, and then needed to remove his mitten to pick it up again.

"Urzu-7, are you still there?"

"Affirmative." Sousuke's voice was higher in pitch than before.

"At ease, Sousuke. At ease. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have laughed at you." The sound of Melissa's voice clearly said she was fighting not to laugh again. "You're absolutely priceless, do you know that? But, I wouldn't have you any other way."

"Sgt. Major?"

"You are a mean man in a fight, and were that way before you even needed to shave. There are few men as skilled in an Arm Slave. Kalinin says that you are one of the best operatives that Mithril has. You're a fine comrade. And…" Melissa paused. "You're more clueless than a boy in middle school!" There was humor and affection in Melissa's voice.

"I see." Sousuke sounded somewhat dejected. It was not the first time that someone had clued him in on just how clueless he was. It was painfully obvious to him, even without anyone's observations.

"You should keep one thing in mind though, Sousuke. If anyone knows that, it's Kaname. She still sent you the card. You two have been through a lot, you know. Even if you haven't realized it, you have changed in a lot of ways since you've spent time with her."

It was Sousuke's time to be silent. Melissa's words had definitely done something. He no longer felt like a spring that had been wound too tightly. But, the whole concept of someone taking an interest in him was too new, too foreign. Romantic entanglements had never been allowed aboard the TDD-1, Mithril bases, or training camps. For the past few years, when he was not on board a submersible or stationed in some camp, he was at various points throughout the globe, involved in a mission. Much of his free time had been spent hiking, fishing, reading, or working out... _alone._

"I was not trained in dating. The stories that Sgt. Weber and others tell never make much sense to me. Such things did not happen amongst the youth of Afghanistan. Most marriages were arranged by parents. Curfew for girls was 7:00 pm. On the streets, I was not someone who would have been acceptable, even if I had been old enough to be considered."

Truth be told, he had no interest in girls whatsoever in his earliest days alone. Few boys his age did. Besides, survival was his top priority. There had been no opportunity for companionship of any kind. That came later. He learned that there are things you might see, and might even come to want, that you should never hope for, and would never have chance to touch. "In mujahadeen service, the women of ease all laughed at my age, and no man would introduce his daughters. I was a warrior, nothing more. What urges or feelings awakened in me… they were… ignored or put down."

"I'm sorry, Sousuke." Melissa's voice was deep and troubled. "I shouldn't have made light of things. It's easy to forget what you've been through." She thought a moment more. "Do you think poorly of yourself because of all that?" Her voice was almost too quiet to hear.

"I... I do not know. I am a soldier. As long as it does not affect my performance in battle, I suppose it is not a problem." Sousuke's voice was emotionless, robotic.

His answer had not been completely honest. The fact had not escaped Sgt. Major Mao. "I think you're wrong, Sousuke. You are a soldier, but that is not _all_ that you are. It's what you **do**. Men or women who repress their feelings and emotions can often make superb fighters... for a while. Sooner or later, they run into trouble. I know that all too well. It's why I had to make a change. It's how I ended up in Mithril. I was almost too late." There was an unmistakable sadness in her voice.

"When I am told to fight, I fight. When I need to kill, I kill. In between, I simply live. I do not know what I want. I do not know what to do. Can you tell me what I should do?" Sousuke's voice bubbled up from deep within his soul, the plea of a young boy looking for someone to play a role his parents would have, were they still alive today.

Melissa wished she could give Sousuke the peace he sought and the knowledge he needed. But, those were things he had to find for himself. All she could do was offer advice. "There are no easy answers, Sousuke. But, this is not a life or death situation. Your value as a person is not at risk. But, your effectiveness as a professional may suffer if you remain confused. All that you really have to worry about are you heart and your pride. All that_ I_ can do is make a suggestion."

"Sergeant Major?"

"I know it's Tessa's spiel, but when we talk like this, you can call me Melissa. It's OK. I won't report it, and I promise not to kick upside the head or punch you below the belt. I'll take it out on Kurz instead. How's that?"

"Acceptable. Melissa. What is your advice?"

"Ask yourself some questions. Be honest with your answers. Don't be afraid of any truth you may realize. Make sure you follow the same path you do in battle---be willing to take chances, if the goal is worth attaining. Decide for yourself what you want, paying no attention to your official mission objectives. Pay attention to Kaname. She will let you know if you are doing well or not. Trust me, she will." Melissa laughed. "Listen to me. I sound like a mother hen or a toothless grandma. **_Shit!"_**

"What kind of questions should I ask?" Sousuke rubbed his gloved hands together, holding the communicator against his ear with his shoulder and tilted head.

"You have risked your life many times for Miss Chidori, haven't you? Ask yourself if you would do the same thing if she was no longer your professional responsibility, and under what circumstances you would do it. Take it a step further, and ask yourself if you would do the same if you were ordered _not_ to, your career in jeopardy were you to disobey your commands."

"I see." Sousuke already knew the answer. He had never looked at things that way before.

"You spend a lot of time around her, too. Would you want to do that if you were discharged from Mithril, and where given the chance for a relatively normal life. How would you feel instead, if Tessa told you tomorrow you had to leave, never to return?"

"I…"

"Listen to me. After you've done that, remove all thoughts of missions, duty, obligation, and threats from your mind. Think nothing about vigilance, responsibilities, professional conduct, and that kind of crap. Then, ask yourself how you feel when she's near. What do you feel like when she smiles… when she speaks kindly to you… when parts of her body catch your attention..."

"But..."

"Sousuke, is there something you want to deny!" Melissa's voice snapped like a whip. It was her Drill Sergeant persona again.

"Uh..."

**_"SAGARA!" _**That shout caused more feedback than before.

"Negative, Sergeant Major. No."

"Good. There's hope for you yet. Tell Kaname I said that, too. Where was I? Ask yourself how you feel when she shows interest in another guy… when you think she might hate you… when your mistakes make her cry or run away… when her eyes look tender. When she teases you… _everything."_

"I see." Sousuke thought that he did.

"Simple, right?" Melissa laughed, and then sobered quickly. "It might not come naturally, Sousuke. But, I will guarantee it will prove useful, one way or another. It doesn't matter if you find you would be ideally suited as a gigolo, or belong tucked behind the walls of some musty old monastery. All you need to do is find what feels true to your own heart. There are no right or wrong answers, got that? There is only one way to find out whether or not Kaname might be the girl for you."

"But..."

"Trust me in this, Sousuke. It's something you need to find out, one way or another. There is one thing worse than taking a chance and making a mistake... it's letting something good slip by without even trying."

It took a while before Sousuke was ready to answer. For a few long moments, the time between each beat of his heart felt like an eternity. "I will do as you recommend, Melissa."

"Good. I..." Melissa stopped in mid-sentence. Sousuke could hear a short conversation with someone else. "I've been informed that I must immediately return to the meeting. Accordingly, if you call me 'Melissa' again before I end transmission, I will present your balls to you on a string. You can offer them to Kaname as a corsage, if you like. Do I make myself clear!" There was still a hint of levity in her growl.

"Affirmative."

"Carry on, Urzu-7. Wait." Melissa sounded serious. "Before I leave, do you want me to have Kurz call you with some advice?" She was just joking,

**"N-O-O-O!"**

"Urzu-2, signing off." Sousuke thought that he heard laughter before the transmission terminated.

He looked at the school building as if it were the lair of some great beast. He took out the card and held it in his hand. Was it his sword? The Holy Grail? Or an invitation to join the creature for dinner, knowing full well who was on the menu?

He shook his head. There were questions to ask and answers to find. He would need to approach Kaname with a reply. That is, if he could get his feet moving again. He practiced saying 'Yes,' just in case that was the answer he settled on. It would probably be better if his response were audible. Maybe he should bring pencil and paper just in case.

_Did Kaname know sign language?_


	4. Chapter 4

"Why did I do it? Why did I buy that card? Because I was too afraid to ask him face to face!"

Kaname forced herself to sit back down at her desk. Class would be starting in a few moments. Her legs definitely didn't feel like sitting, though. Nervous energy made her muscles twitch. Her mind kept whispering 'we have to find that card.'

She'd looked everywhere. Inside things. Under things. Even on top of things. People must think she was becoming a security nut like Sousuke, or something.

_No luck._

She had even embarrassed herself at one point, sniffing around like a dog, trying to find some trace of perfume. The look on the janitor's face left no doubt about his unprofessional psychiatric opinion.

"Why me? Why do these things always happen to _me?"_ She felt like tugging on her hair. "Sousuke. He's why this always happens to me. _Ooooooh!"_

She could get another card. That is, if she didn't change her mind. That wasn't the major problem. She didn't know if she could work up this much courage again. No. The problem would not be if the card never turned up. She could live with _that._ It would be worse if Sousuke found the card, and simply ignored it... blew it up... or didn't have the common courtesy to respond. She could even live with that. Sousuke might not survive, but she would.

"Oh no!" Kaname was suddenly worried that someone other than Sousuke might have found the card. Found it, and opened it. She shivered, biting her lip. What if someone Xeroxed it and plastered it all over school...or all over town? She would just die! What if some 'kind-hearted' soul decided to read the card over the intercom? What would Misuki do with it? The music club? The Gundam fans? She slammed both fists down on the desk top. Her Bonta-Kun eraser flew off, hit the floor, and bounced out of sight.

"Kaname, are you OK?" Ren's eyes were a calming thing, like a smooth surfaced lake on a balmy day.

"Ren. Hi. It's not a problem." Even the brief feeling of relaxation she had felt evaporated. She clenched her hands tight again. 'It's not a problem.' That was _Sousuke-speak_. "I can't believe the school turned down our request for a New Year's party."

"I see. That was certainly a disappointment, wasn't it." Kaname knew that Ren didn't buy that excuse. But, her friend was too considerate to probe any further. "Where's Sousuke? He's usually the first one back in class after a break, going through his usual routines. Either that, or he's not too far from your side."

Kaname swallowed hard. Sousuke's name was the last one that she wanted to hear on anyone's lips at that moment. She knew she must be blushing. Part of her kept insisting that someone could read her mind. "**AH HAH HAH HA HAH**... the Principal may have assigned him to assist the contractors again. They still haven't patched up the hole he made in the furnace room. At least the building engineer won't sneak a TV in there again... or if he does, he won't be playing any more war movies."

Ren simply smiled.

Kaname began worrying again. This time it was about Sousuke. The word 'disappointment' started off like a snowball rolling down hill. It threatened to turn into an ice boulder or an avalanche. What if Sousuke had found the card, and was disappointed in her aggressiveness or assumptions? What if that military freak had reported his finding to headquarters, and Tessa ordered him back to the submarine for Christmas Eve? Could_ that_ be why he wasn't in class yet? Was he trying to avoid her? Might he have even left for the day?"

She took out her textbook and turned it to the page for the day's assignment. Sighing, she began to read, attempting to distract herself. It didn't work. Her eyes froze on one word. 'Cardinal.' As in 'Cardinal Sin.' That word had 'card' in it. And sin. She accidentally crumpled one page. She covertly glanced from side to side, wondering if anyone was staring at her. Not too many days ago, Sousuke had shown her what the image in a thermal scope looked like. Heat sources stood out like sore thumbs. She felt like that now. Someone must see how hot she was glowing.

"What does it really matter what some otaku does, any way?" She silently asked herself the question in a very nonchalant manner. "I was probably more concerned about _his _feelings after all. It must be tough growing up in so many countries, never having a place to call home. It was merely a way to show him that he's not alone. _Hmmppff."_

On one shoulder, the figurative Shoulder Angel shook her head, looking over at the Devil perched on Kaname's other shoulder. "You buy that line?"

**"Hell no!"**

Kaname jumped. Her conscience was having nothing to do with her lame attempt. What Sousuke felt and did mattered. It mattered more than she wanted to admit sometimes. She had learned that back on March 14, "White Day." On Valentine's day, she had left chocolates in Sousuke's locker with a cryptic note. An operative skilled in cryptography should not have any difficulty deciphering it. He should have known that the gift was from her. Even as big idiot and a jerk would have understood the significance.

He didn't say anything. Not a single word. It had hurt, but she was patient. When "White Day" rolled around, the favor was never returned. No chocolate. No flowers. Not even a single heartfelt comment. She had been crushed. Even if the boy doesn't have the same feelings as the girl who took the risk, it was considered common decency to reciprocate.

_She never would have guessed that she would hurt that much._

Of course, she felt much better after she had eventually worked herself into a huff... knocked on Sousuke's door... and sent him half way across the apartment with her softball bat. When he was able to speak, he told her that he had never read her note. He hadn't even known there was chocolate. As usual, he had resorted to demolition work. She almost strangled him. But, she actually smiled when she left, knowing that he hadn't simply blown her off.

Kaname smiled. She could only imagine how much her actions must confuse Sousuke sometimes. Good. He deserved it, the total moron! She pictured him tied in a knot like a pretzel. But what if that type of behavior actually made her seem overly moody or uncaring? Couldn't he just see through all that and realize that she was upset because she wanted more from him? Sousuke, see something that wasn't written in a military manual or tattooed to his hand? Kaname's heart sank. All of the uncertainty and self doubt was tying _her_ into a knot.

Maybe she should just forget about everything. Even if Sousuke had found the card, she could tell him that she had made a mistake. There was no sense in rushing things. Obviously she still had a lot of things to think through. Kaname looked over at the Christmas Cake sitting on the teacher's desk. "You can't have your cake and eat it too, girl" she mumbled under her breath.

For a moment, in her thoughts, it seemed like someone was lecturing her. 'Right now, even though it's scary, you're actually excited about the uncertainty. There's a chance he'll say yes. Things might even turn out just how you dreamed. You can't wait to hear his answer, despite what you tell yourself. The look in his eyes… you want to see the look in his eyes when he gives you his decision. But, to enjoy the whole thing when it's done, he has to say 'yes.' Right?'

Unconsciously, Kaname nodded slightly.

'But, even if he does say 'yes,' things will change. The uncertainty will be gone. Your own feelings won't be a secret to him any more. And, your friends would likely find out. What would _they_ think? Would it change your special relationship with Kyouko, Ryo, Ren, and Maya? Can you see yourself thought of as _'Sousuke's girl.'_ Would you have to start wearing camouflage skirts and blouses?'

Kaname shook her head. She would most definitely draw the line at camouflage… unless the two of them were alone. She'd wear camouflage and train herself to salute if it made him pay more attention to her.

"Is she _really _that desperate?" The Shoulder Angel had her doubts.

The Shoulder Devil smiled impishly and saluted. "Remember the bikini?"

_"Touche."_ The Shoulder angel turned a bright shade of crimson.

Kaname rubbed her eyes. She really should consider whether she was ready to do anything that might change her neatly ordered life so drastically. She stopped. How could she have even considered using those words? Her life had been one big ball of uncertainty since Sousuke made his way to Jindai. No. She knew the gist of her point was true enough. Was she really ready to take such a risk? Either way, her world would be different. Her hopes and dreams might be shattered. Or, she might set sail down a raging river of discovery. And _then _her hopes and dreams might be shattered.

"Stop being such a pessimist!" She though peevishly. Things might also turn out better than she had any right to hope for.

"Kaname."

Her arms shot forward unexpectedly. Her textbook slid half way across the floor. She banged one knee against the bottom of her desk. How could she have been so out of it? How could that otaku move so quietly?

Sousuke was sitting at the desk in front of Kaname. His face was exceedingly stern, even for him.

_The card was in his hand._


	5. Chapter 5

Sosuske ran across the back stretch of lawn, keeping low and rolling across any open space longer than his body length.

Bushes shuddered and shook as he knifed through them, his shadow having a hard time keeping up with him. Plastering his body flat against the building wall, he ducked down and inched his way under a set of windows.

He did not want to be detected. At least, not by Kaname. His mind had not arrived at a final decision yet. In fact, he had not made much headway at all.

_Wait._

Movement! A momentous leap carried him up to the lower branches of a stately elm tree. Like a gymnast, he swung up and somersaulted, landing on a secure foothold. He would move again as soon as the intruder was identified. The time spent waiting would serve well as more opportunity to consider matters.

Unless the card was a forgery, placed where he could find it by some student with a grudge against him... or left by a terrorist or spy hoping to lure him to an isolated location where no one would think to look for him... it had been meant for him by Kaname. Analysis of the situation yielded a rough 99.6 percent probability that Kaname was indeed the perpetrator. It was, after all, her handwriting.

Should he be using the term 'perpetrator?' "It is not a problem."

Sgt. Major Mao may well be correct in her analysis. But, a good operative thinks things through on his own, covering all possibilities. If Kaname did indeed intend to lure him to a Love Hotel, what was her purpose? The likely reason was difficult to fully comprehend at the moment, so he focused on less plausible scenarios.

Should he be using the term 'lured?' "Also not a problem."

Just the last week... after he had accidentally destroyed Kaname's meticulous botany project, thinking it was a fertilizer-based explosive device... she had sworn vengeance. Could this be an elaborate set-up... a means to take incriminating photographs or embarrassing videos? Doubtful. Likelihood 1.5 percent.

She had also said that they needed to boost their study sessions. Important exams were approaching. A good meal...with highly nutritious food... could provide good strength for industrious students. A quiet hotel room at an out of the way establishment could provide a much better study environment that either of their apartments. Hmmm. Probability estimated at 15 percent. The cost-to-benefit considerations were decidedly unfavorable.

Three weeks ago, while hiding in a locker to avoid an irate wood shop instructor… who had not appreciate the boost in power he had engineered into the lathe using Bonta-Kun spare parts… he had overheard Ryo tell Kaname that she should throw Sousuke a surprise party if he every went a whole week without shooting anybody. He had gone two weeks. That was a personal record by nearly a week. It didn't matter that he had been ordered by Lt. Kalinin to avoid the use of weapons after he shot the famous movie star. How was he supposed to know that the man was simply playing the part of a robber for the demonstration during anti-crime week? He had missed the introductory remarks. At the time, it had been more important to give First Aid to the girl who had walked into the trap that he had set for the person who was stealing school trophies. How was he supposed to know she actually had been taking them away to be polished?

A surprise party in a hotel? Possible, but not probable. 20 percent chance at best. Kaname would know better than to surprise a Specialist. Sousuke ran through a dozen more possibilities, but nothing had a rating greater than 35 percent. It would appear that Kaname did indeed want to ask him to a romantic establishment for personal reasons. He began to sweat. He face went rigid. No doubt about it. His thoughts were wandering into unknown territory again. His combat knife appeared in his hand. Absent- mindedly, he began cutting at the tree limb in a sawing fashion. From up on his precarious perch, wood chips floated down on the icy air.

He knew nothing of romance. That was not a secret. For some people, it was even a running joke.

Melissa had given him a romance novel of Tessa's once, telling him it might save his life some day. He had taken her at her word, much to Kurz' entertainment. Reading page after page, he struggled to make sense of things. Even the repair manual for the instrument panel of the ARX-7 was more readily comprehensible than _that_ book. To him, it seemed to be written in a foreign language. He remembered some of the phrases, just the same. Might they be useful when discussing the issue with Kaname, if he decided to accept the invitation?

**"What are you doing tonight... besides me?"**

Negative. He remembered Melissa's explanation for that now. Unfortunately, she had clued him in _after_ he used the line on Captain Testarossa. Kurz had told him that it had to do with performance evaluations. He neglected to ask what type of performance. He had long since learned to question Kurz' motives and take things he said with a grain of salt.

**"Baby, you must have dynamite in your pants, because your ass is the bomb."**

Negative again. He recalled what had happened to Kurz when he tried that on a nurse. To cover his embarrassment, Sgt. Weber had conned Sousuke into believing the woman did indeed have a terrorist's explosives strapped to her undergarments. Rather than disrobe the woman as Kurz had expected, Sousuke turned a high power hose on her. "You are safe now," he had proudly said. "The explosives should be too moist to ignite." He was fortunate that the base doctor could reset his nose. Also, the thought of using the word 'ass' around Kaname shot off a whole pack of mental warning flares. Yes, that would be a problem.

**"Do you work for UPS, because I swear I saw you checking out my package."**

Once again the precise logic escaped him. It must have some cultural or gender-specific significance. Package? Kurz told him that the line was corny and unlikely to even earn a man a smile. Since anything Sgt. Weber suggested was usually wrong, the phrase was probably a keeper. Yes. It would be good to make Kaname smile. As he should also bring her a gift, the line _would_ have some relevance. He would ask Kaname to explain it to him afterwards.

**"Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up."**

It was worth remembering, because it sounded warm and friendly. A girl no doubt likes to know that a man cares about what she wants to say. But, 'sit on my lap?' Is that degree of closeness mandatory? Just what will be required of me? Why am I feeling nervous? Certainly my lap would be able to support the weight of a well-proportioned teenage female of medium frame.

**"You'll do."**

Hmmm. Short. Affirming. And to the point. He took out a pen to write that one down. No doubt Kaname would appreciate the fact that he found her acceptable. Found her acceptable? "Uh..." He tried to take back that truth, wondering if it was untrustworthy, given the lack of supporting evidence. How could he make such a judgment, if he didn't even have criteria to apply? He was struck by an epiphany. There were no criteria. There would be no manual. As Melissa had said, he needed to find his own answers. He had never found someone acceptable before. Then again, he had never really looked. There had been no opportunity. There had been no reason. Kaname had given him both.

"Acceptable is not sufficient. Not for a specialist." Very true. Very true indeed. The professional in him was taking over, despite what the Sgt. Major had said. He couldn't help himself. It was the one thing he knew well enough to take as gospel. Who says that the same type of evaluation he would use with a potential new gun could not be applied to a girl?

In a spontaneous fight, a combatant should settle for any weapon he had opportunity to get his hands on. It was common sense. Do whatever is necessary to survive! But, when one has time to make preparations, one should choose the weapon that is best suited to him, not merely one which is adequate. He should try out as many as is possible, until he is adept at recognizing generalities. Perhaps it might be wise not to explain_ that_ to Kaname. Of course, when one finds a weapon that is right for him, he need not look any further.

Sousuke's eyes widened. He was struck by another stupendous realization. He remembered an early instructor's comment. There are two ways to determine which weapons are truly exceptional. One way was to study specifications, test them purposefully and repeatedly, speak to more seasoned soldiers, read reviews, and reason things out. The right way was simply to get an intuitive feel for them. Some soldiers never acquired that talent. Others were naturals. Everyone else fell somewhere in between.

Sousuke realized that he was soaked with perspiration. He also noticed that there were only ten more minutes before the start of class. The splintering of wood and the hard fall to the ground showed him too late that he had hacked his way through the tree limb.

Wincing with pain, he picked up on his last train of thought. If he wanted to find the right girl, he would need to get a feel for her. How else would he know? It would make sense to accept Kaname's offer. What better away to find out? For a moment, his confidence soared higher than an eagle.

_It was so simple!_

He had a beautiful view of the ground as he began falling back to earth mentally, as well. Figuratively, he spun his arms around, unable to slow the descent. He pulled at an imaginary cord on his parka, but he had neglected to pack a chute. He had put the cart before the horse. He had made an armor assault without infantry support.

Plucking an abandoned bird's nest out of the crook of one arm, he realized that he first needed to answer an even more important question: did he want to find the right girl? No. Did he want to find any girl at all? Suddenly and unexpectedly, his legs gave out on him. He sat hard on the ground, out in the open, suddenly unconcerned whether or not someone would see him sitting there.

He had radioed for assistance. .. annoyed his squad commander... received useful advice. .. and then promptly ignored it. Perhaps he was too reckless, too undisciplined. Maybe he was simply too impulsive, or a slave to his better understood instincts. He watched in amazement as his hands shook. It could simply be that he was afraid.

Afraid? A Specialist? A veteran of countless near death experiences? A man who had faced potential tragedy and brought the world back from the brink of disaster? Frightened of possible feelings for a member of the opposite sex? Scared to simply ask himself questions?

"Yes."

It almost hurt him to admit it. He didn't know why. It could be that it made him seem so different than other boys his age. It was difficult being different. It was exhausting and demoralizing to be so different for so long. But, he could not force the issue. He had found that out numerous times in the past, for many different things.

"A coward is not a man who fears. He is a man who lets his fears rule him." Sousuke knew the truth of that adage from the battlefield. He also realized the corollary: 'A hero is a man who carries on despite his fears.' Indeed. He could only do his best. It was unrealistic to expect more. Another instructor's advice came to mind. The skill of a true fighter will not necessarily be reflected in the situations he puts himself in. It will be clear from the way he handles those situations. The heart of the warrior will not be judged best when he rushes into a battle easily won. His true meddle will become obvious when he walks into a situation he stands little chance of winning. A positive attitude, unconditional bravery, and perseverance can serve as catalysts, making good things happen where other men are certain nothing good can come.

"It is not a problem. I can do this for Kaname. I should do this for me."

As he limped off towards the rear door of the school, he began asking himself the types of questions that Melissa had suggested. The answers were not easy in coming. He was a maestro when it came to suppression, repression, and deniall. But, with each step he took, he became more adept at sensing the truth. With each discovery, he felt the need to find more truths. He had to fight the urge to analyze and completely verify each point.

Sousuke was oblivious to everything around him. The major thoroughfare in the school did not register on his senses the way that it usually did. It almost seemed two-dimensional, constricted, populated by stick figures instead of people. He walked on slowly, giving himself as much time for reflection as he could.

"Mr. Sagara. Why all the nerve! You are tracking leaves into the school. What are you going to do about it?"

Without conscious thought, Sousuke walked over to one of the janitor's cubby holes, took out a broom, walked over to the Vice Principal, handed him the broom, and then continued on his way. One hallway over, he was confronted by Tsubaki Issei. "Sagara. I can wait no longer. The time for our final confrontation has come. There _must_ be a victor. My honor cries out for that!" Taking off his eyeglasses, the other boy began chanting, gathering up tremendous amount of _chi._ Sousuke simply handed him a number of twigs and leaves and continued on his way, deep in thought. He never heard the karate enthusiast's enraged sputtering.

Following a large number of walking students, the young sergeant shuffled down the last corridor. Shinji waved to him excitedly. He called out in an overly loud voice. "**Sousuke.** **_Hey,_** **Sousuke.** I just got the newest bound volume of Jane's _'All The World's Arm Slaves.'_ You should see the photos. They have a Czech CS- 10... a Chinese Xi-2000... A Brazilian Yaguar... an Israeli Gibbor... even shots of a mysterious machine with some kind of glowing force shield... _EVERYTHING_..."

Sousuke didn't even acknowledge his friend. His focus was on his desk and his chair. He took the card out of his coat pocket and brushed off a few clinging fragments of tree bark. Each subsequent stride was measured with metronomic precision. There were no extraneous thoughts or movements. His mind briefly flashed back to a previous mission. He had stolen a Hind Mi-35 helicopter, needing to get a data disc to the designated authorities in a certain amount of time. He had been perilously low on fuel. The weather was terrible and the sea was incredibly choppy. The heaving deck of the cruising aircraft carrier was difficult to see in the heavy downpour. He had sighted his target... said a prayer... tightened his focus... and made the necessary choices.

Obviously, he had walked away from that mission. If fate smiled on him, he would be successful here as well. Saying a prayer, he adjusted his speed, took the best possible path, and sat down squarely on his chair. Kaname looked up at him as if awakening suddenly from a deep sleep. She knocked her book upon the floor with an unexpected spasm. Her eyes widened. She held her breath

"I have your card, Kaname."

For some reason, she looked all around. Finally glaring at him, she began waving her hands, trying to send him some signal. What was so important? She put a finger to her mouth and made a _"Shhhhhhh"_ sound.

"Miss Chidori. Mr. Sagara. Is there something you'd like to share with the class?" The teacher spoke with a deep baritone voice. Kaname flinched. Her eyes pleaded with him. What was she trying to tell him?

"Yes." Sousuke said. He stood up, causing everyone to look over at him.

Kaname fell out of her chair.


	6. Chapter 6

Kaname saw the card in Sousuke's hand.

At that moment, to her mind, he could just as well have had his finger on the trigger of a gun aimed straight at her heart.

She didn't have time to feel relived that the card had turned up. This was not the place and the time for Sousuke to say anything about the invitation, not with a class full of rambunctious teenagers listening in. She knew Sousuke. There had been plenty of opportunities to learn just what he was capable of.

_She was doomed._

Kaname's Shoulder Angel popped into view to the sound of harp music, a cloud of imaginary white smoke ruffling its sequined robe. "Don't you think that he might realize the importance of the offer? Wouldn't it be reasonable to expect him to show some discretion under these unique circumstances?"

Kaname put her hand over her heart. She was overreacting. There was no sense worrying about bad things until they happened.

A puff of hot black smoke heralded the arrival of the Shoulder Devil. A tight-fitting body suit might as well have been painted on. The pint-sized member of Kaname's conscience just spun her tail like a baton, trying to keep a straight face. It was too difficult a task. Breaking out into laughter, she fell backwards and plummeted to the floor.

"This ought to be _real_ good," a small voice said from far below.

Kaname broke a nail by squeezing the edge of her desk too hard. Her eyes were glued to Sousuke, like a frightened mouse watching the swaying and hypnotic approach of a cobra. Her muscles all froze. She held her breath without knowing it. Every sound in the room seemed magnified.

"I have your card, Kaname."

No! O _geeeez,_ no! He had already done enough. He had said 'your,' and 'card,' and 'Kaname.' If anyone had been paying attention, it was all over! Soon enough, everyone would know what had happemed. Her eyes zeroed in on Sousuke's face. His jaw was set. His eyes were intense. His mouth was opening.

"Have faith, Kaname..." The Shoulder Angel ran her hands across the strings of her harp.

"Better move fast, or you can kiss it all good bye." the Shoulder Devil appeared behind its unsuspecting counterpart. A quick shove sent the other imaginary construct flying towards the tiles.

Gulping, Kaname began waving her arms about, trying to get Sousuke's attention. There was no time for a better plan. Too late, she realized that the only thing she had accomplished was to get everyone else in the class to look her way. Great! There was one universal signal that was bound to work. "_Shhhhhhhhhh!"_

Sousuke closed his mouth.

The Shoulder Devil folded her arms across her chest and said "Hmmmpppfff!"

Kaname began to smile. That had been close. Much to close.

"Miss Chidori. Mr. Sagara. Is there something you'd like to share with the class?" The teacher's voice caused the entire class to go dead silent. The girls in the class all sat forward in their chairs. The guys looked at each other and grinned. No one knew what was coming. They didn't have to. It was bound to be good.

Kaname flinched. The Shoulder Angel… looking somewhat disheveled… turned an accusatory glare on the Shoulder Devil. The Shoulder Devil just shrugged and disappeared. Kaname pleaded with her eyes, hoping Sousuke would deny things as usual. There was still hope.

"Yes." Sousukes affirmation carried with it the sound of a tomb door clanging shut.

Immediately thereafter, Kaname found herself on the floor. "Serves you right!" The Shoulder Angel faded away. Kaname felt her heart fall like a lead weight. "Pssst... The big idiot was looking at _you_ when he answered... not the teacher..." The Shoulder Devil had opened a window out of nothingness, spoken, and winked.

Sousuke stood up and offered Kaname a hand, helping her to her feet. His hand was firm and strong. Did it stay on hers for just a moment longer than it had too? Was their an ever so subtle caress there at the end? Kaname's eyes went big. Her lips parted slightly. She held her breath. For that brief moment, she didn't care who was watching. That 'Yes' might have been the answer to her invitation! She realized that she did not want to take back her offer.

**_"Well?"_** The teacher was tapping a long wooden pointer against his leg, looking a little annoyed.

Mouth fully open now, Kaname began to say 'No.'

"Yes, Teacher. I apologize. I have something to announce." Sousuke's voice was no different than usual.

"I'd hit him with the halisen," the Shoulder Devil said. "He almost sounds cheerful, the jerk. 'Something to announce,' he says." The Shoulder Angel never showed up.

"Mr. Sagara?" The teacher rested the pointer on one shoulder. The student tasked with keeping the class _'Sagara Journal'_ quickly grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil.

Sousuke's words all came in fragments rather than cohesive sentences. Parts of Kaname's mind were already nailed boards across the windows, preparing for the storm to come. "Halisen..." The Shoulder devil whistled a happy tune.

"This... morning... I... received..." Sousuke's voice sounded like a 78rpm record played at 33rpm.

Kaname felt as if her stomach suddenly vanished, allowing gastric acid to fall deep down within her belly. "Hit him, " The Shoulder Devil sat back doing her dagger like nails.

"...a... pleasant... invitation... from..."

Kaname's limbs all went limp. It was just what she had feared would happen. He chest began to tighten up. "_Hard_, " the Shoulder Devil practiced a couple of golf swings.

"...a... tireless... young... lady... who... wanted... me... to..."

Anger began to flare up within the blue-haired girl. **"NOW!" **The impish red caricature gave Kaname a thumbs up sign. The end of that finger was on fire. Kaname's arm began to move in an overhead arc.

"...choose her company's products for use by the class in next week's..._OOOPPFFF!"_ The paper fan hit Sousuke square across the back of the head. His face bounced hard off of his desk top.

**_"Bingo!"_** The Shoulder Devil shouted, now wearing a party hat.

"I can't believe you would tell everybody! I trusted you. Give me the card back!" Tears threatened to well up in Kaname's eyes. Only too late did the actual words that Sousuke said filter into her turbulent thoughts. 'This morning I received a pleasant invitation from a tireless young lady who wanted me to choose her company's products for use by the class in next weeks...'

"...Civil Defense demonstration." Sousuke's words slurred around swollen lips as he finished what he had been trying to say. "As Deputy Vice President in charge of Security, I judged her company's items to be adequate for our use."

_"Miss Chidori!"_ Under normal circumstances, the teacher's voice would have echoed across the room. But, at that moment, too many people were already talking. It seemed that everyone had something to whisper, shout, or laugh.

"Dude, a card!"

"Chidori gave Sagara a card."

But, she wants it back."

"She... gave... him... a... card..."

"You know what _that_ means."

"Chidori? And Sousuke? _Who-o-o-o-o..."_

"It might be something else..."

"No way! Not with Christmas Eve coming up."

"Baby, baby, baby. Lucky guy."

"Poor girl!"

"No. Poor guy!"

Wolf whistles filled the classroom.

"She gave _him_ a card? Sagara?" That voice was easily recognizable. "Damn you Sagara. You will pay _now!_" Tsubaki Issei stood up, tied a sash around his head, and broke a leg off of his desk.

Head still down on his desk, Sousuke raised his Glock and fired. Rubber bullets knocked the irate karate Club leader back against the wall. He slid slowly to the floor.  
**  
"Mr. Sagara!"** The teacher fought valiantly to regain control of his class, but to no avail. If anything, the commotion became louder and louder.

Kaname sat at her desk, looking at her halisen, mouth still open. Why? Why did it always happen to her? Things were supposed to be special. Now they were broken beyond repair. The Shoulder Angel led the Shoulder Devil away in handcuffs. Stepping out of character for a moment, she materialized a police baton out of nowhere and began beating her adversary savagely. Face tight and eyes blank, Kaname stood up so abruptly, that she knocked both her chair and her desk over. The room feel deathly still. Everyone stopped in mid-syllable.

Distraught, she focused her anger, disappointment, and sorrow on an all to easy target. A familiar target. "Sousuke, I _hate_ you." Beginning to cry, she ran out of the class room.

The young soldier looked down at the card. He did not understand. What had he done this time? Why did he suddenly feel like he did when he saw a comrade's name on the M.I.A. list after a battle?

"Well, Mr. Sagara. What do you have to say for yourself?" The teacher obviously needed to point the finger at someone.

"Sir?"

"I take it you have a card from Miss Chidori, the one which prompted all this nonsense?" The teacher looked somewhat cross.

"Affirmative."

The class began their discussions again, this time in whispers. The teacher slammed a book down on his desk, silencing everyone. "Bring it to me. We do _not_ need that kind of thing during class!" The teacher held his hand out.

Sousuke had no doubt that the teacher intended to read the card out loud, just as he did any note he confiscated. "No. I will not." Sousuke placed the card inside of his shirt. The girls in the class began whispering again. Kyouko took a number of pictures.

"Excuse me? I must have heard you incorrectly? Did you refuse me?" The teacher's face clouded over.

"You hearing is functioning correctly. You request has been denied." This time the boys began whispered conversations. One gave Sousuke a 'V for Victory' sign.

"It was not a request, Mr. Sagara. It was an order. The card... to me... immediately." The techer was getting red in the face. The nerve of anyone defying him!

"No."

The teacher stood stunned. The students all looked at Sousuke. "If you do not give me the card, you will be staying after school for detention, young man!" The teacher took out a Demerit slip.

"It is not a problem." Sousuke leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

Sousuke stood silently, sweeping the last of the classrooms.

It was late. The other students had left long ago. After a bit of finger wagging and lecturing from his teacher, he had set about on his Detention duties.

The long sweeping motion of his arms and the rhythmic pattern of his actions lulled his mind to a contemplative state. He thought about Kaname. When she said that she hated him, it made him feel hollow inside. All of his recent thoughts had seemed to have been pointless, a mental Maginot Line. He had already been confused to begin with. He certainly didn't need something else to tie his neurons in a tangle.

But, Sousuke remembered a different time. He had come back from the South China Sea, finished with an abortive mission meant to find the terrorist group A21. Walking across the softball field while Kaname was running the bases, he had mentioned that he had forgotten the study session that she had arranged with him. Kaname hit him on the back of the head with second base.

At lunch time, Kaname shared food with her friends that she worked hard to make for him that night before… the night he never showed up wand didn't remember to call. When the girls called him over to their table against her wishes, he presented Kaname with the special jewelry he had made for her, stressing the importance of its practicality. She took offense at that and detonated a flash bang in his face. On the walk home he asked her to reconcile their relationship and she had been angered by his narrow view of duty and obligation. She had said 'You make it really easy to hate you.'

That had hurt, even though he wasn't certain just why back then. He hadn't cared about anything as useless as reasons and feelings. He simply catalogued the discomfort and went about his duty. Pain was a common occurrence in his line of work. It was best not to dwell on it. The walk back to his apartment that evening had been lonely, nonetheless.

Sousuke stopped sweeping. He was feeling lonely now as well. But, that was not Kaname's fault. There was no way that a soldier on duty should find himself in a situation where he is too attached to the person he is guarding. How the mighty had fallen. Sousuke Sagara, ace Arm Slave pilot, scourge of evil doers from the jungles of South America to the rice paddies of Southeast Asia. Sousuke Sagara, melancholy student, pining away after who knows what.

"Hate..." he said. He ran a hand through his hair, sighing. His attention was focused totally inward. He didn't take notice of someone standing in the dark outside of the room. He shook his head and straightened his back, then got back to sweeping. "Hate is not a problem." Sousuke Sagara, soldier of Mithril, had been hated by numerous enemies on countless missions. Hate had not stunted his growth. It had not spoiled his aim or lessened his stamina. He could not recall any time where hate had adversely affected his reflexes.

It wasn't a question of hate per se. It was a question of acceptance... and approval... maybe more. A blue-haired girl. And, an overzealous fish out of water. "It appears that_ I_ am the problem."

Bending over with a dustpan, he saw a magazine someone had careless tossed aside. He picked it up, intending to throw it away. Instead, he stared at the cover. It was 'CREA,' one of the mainstream publications favored by the popular crowd. The boy and girl pictured on the cover held his attention. The girl was pretty and smiling. She was happy, and was hanging onto the boy. There was no halisen in sight. The boy was dressed in the latest fashion, a sweater tied around his neck. He also looked happy, and held a music player in one hand and a pair of earphones in the other. His outfit showed no tell-tale signs of concealed weapons.

_'Top 50 Things for Teens to do in Tokyo,'_ one header read. _'Expert Tips for the Greatest Date,'_ another exclaimed. _'Planning for Your Future--- Do's and Don'ts for the Teen on the go._' Sousuke opened the magazine cautiously, almost as if it were a door to an enemy hideaway filled with traps to catch the unwary. The first article he saw was titled _'The Teen Years---enjoy them while they last.'_ He leafed threw a number of pages and stopped to scan some of the articles and exposes. He closed the magazine...walked over to the garbage can... looked at the cover again... and then dropped the publication into the receptacle.

Shrugging his shoulders, he walked back over to his broom. Still thinking about what it might be like to be a simple teenager, he took out his Glock and looked at it. He fought the urge to break it down and put it back together. Likewise, he refused to take out the clip and confirm how many rounds were left. The handle was smooth and worn. The scratches and nicks each had a story to tell. It felt like a part of his hand. He was overly aware of the combat knife strapped just above one ankle. The weight of a concussion grenade in one pocket caught his notice. Ditto the taser and the ball bearings for his sling.

'Glock 17' wasn't listed under _'Expert tips.'_ 'Electronics trouble- shooting and late night suveillance' didn't make the _'Top 50.'_ He had seen no mention of 'Blood, death, and mayhem' under _'Planning for your future.' _He shook his head.Him, enjoy the teen years? The same way that he had enjoyed his early childhood? What did arbitrary age categories matter to a soldier who had started killing before he was strong enough to carry a wounded soldier from the battleground? What did they mean to someone who would fight until someday he was died, or could no longer hold up a weapon?

Life marched on. Comrades came and went. Everything was fleeting. He had no business wondering if the grass was greener on the other side. It had been foolish to pin his hopes on something, even if for a few brief moments. Anger flared up inside him. Before he realized what he was doing, Sousuke kicked a desk as hard as he could. It flew up against one wall, knocking a number of items off of a bulletin board before tumbling over the teacher's desk and shaking a line of erasers off of the blackboard. He picked up a chair and was about to throw it out a window. He got himself under control just in time.

"No. It is better this way."

The loss of control shocked Sousuke and caused him to close his eyes and take a number of deep breaths. Why was he feeling this way? Why was he feeling this much? How was today _really_ any different than the day before? A card? An invitation? Some time spent examining his feelings? A disappointment?

_Ridiculous!_ Especially for a Specialist. Indeed. It was irresponsible to let emotions intrude on his carefully scripted mission parameters. He could not serve Kaname to the best of his abilities that way. Then again, maybe his best was not good enough. Was he in any way an asset in Kaname's life? If her reaction that afternoon was any indication, he might well be a greater imposition on her than her being Whispered was. She was a potential target. He was a definite disruption.

Sousuke walked over and retrieved the desk. He put it back in place. There was nothing he could do about the huge dent on its underside. He picked up his broom, tested its weight again, then spun it a couple of times before using it as it was intended. It didn't matter that he always tried his very best, or that everything he did was with Kaname's best interest in mind. I probably didn't count for anything that she was on his mind constantly or that he risked his life for her without hesitation or remorse. Despite all that, it seemed that he made her life miserable.

Seriously. Was her life any better because of his protection? He had his doubts, realizing at that moment that he very much wanted her life to be happy. Not only did he want her life to be better, he wished to be the reason for that improvement. There was no denying it. He had overstepped his bounds. There was no doubt that being a soldier had made him a poor teenager. Would the teenager in him make him a poor soldier? Was there some way to please both sides? Did he need to choose one or the other?

_Was it too late?_

Had the time for choosing come and gone? There had been no memo. No training session. No instruction sheet or manual. Things outside of the protective cocoon of Da Danaan weren't so neat and tidy. Civilian life was more like the Lambda Driver… something that might prove problematic at inopportune times or when the need was greatest.

It was probably best that Kaname said what she did. He was going to accept her invitation. That might have ended up leading him even more astray. What would he do if he found that he wanted to be led astray? Something inside him was slowly making its way to the surface. Should he hold it down, or assist in the ascent? His anxiety was a near palpable thing. It might dull his senses. He had to wall it away, or learn to deal with it.

"Kaname."

He rested a moment. After wiping the sweat off of his brow with his shirt tail, he took out the card to look at it. Kaname must have worked hard at the calligraphy. The parchment looked expensive. He held the paper up to his nose and inhaled slowly, his eyes closed. Nice. Soothing. Even slightly provocative, to his embarrassment. Walking over to Kaname's desk, he left it inside. Thinking a moment, he took a piece of paper out of his own desk. Finding no pen there, he borrowed one from a nearby piece of school furniture. He wrote her a note:

_'Kaname_

Thank you for the invitation.

I will not burden you with my answer.

Whether or not you hate me, I will continue to do my best to protect you.

If you wish a replacement bodyguard, I will champion your cause.

My apologies for being deficient.

I do not wish to be a problem.

Sousuke Sagara

Student, Jindai High School'

He wrapped the note around Kaname's card. He had decided not to say the same words in person. He was no good with words. And, his presence might only make her feel worse. Perhaps it would be best if he stayed away from the school for a few days. He had been excluded from a mission coming up in the Sudan. He could still serve a role there, if they would make allowances.

Sousuke took out his pistol, put it on a desk top, and spun it. His eyes took in the blurred shape as it slowed, gun barrel pointing towards him. "I win." He didn't feel like a winner.

It was not a matter of overreacting. He could remember Kaname showing up at his doorstep with a box of food and an apology one night She obviously had not hated him then. She might not truly hate him now. But, no one else caused her to run crying from a room, either. He thought back to the incident with the Full Monty bacteria, when she believed it to be a killer virus. She acted as if she almost felt relieved to die, if it meant she no longer had to deal with his otaku nature. People's words and actions near death are often more honest than at any other time.

Deep inside, Kaname may wish he were gone. Then why did she give him the card? And why did she expect more from him than she did of every other guy? How could he, let alone any male, expect to understand the workings of a female mind?

'You're right. I don't really know you. But you're a great guy. You're really special.' She had said something like that once, aboard the TDD-1, not long after his final battle with Gauron and Venom. He wondered if she would ever be inclined to say something like that again. Those words may just have been caused by her intoxication from the excitement of a near death experience, and the heady nature of being a key figure in the saving of the submarine and all its crew. He found himself hoping that was not the case.

His mind repeated her words over and over again. He saw the same image in his head that he had seen then: a glowing figure of Kaname, naked. Swallowing hard, he realized that he was concentrating on the image, trying to see the details that had been chastely edited out before.

What was he doing! Sweat broke out on his forehead. The more he tried to consciously stop his mental peeping, the harder his subconscious tried to circumvent him. That was _not _the way a responsible soldier should act! If he was truly intent on protecting Kaname's honor and dignity, he should probably hit himself with Kaname's halisen. Besides, what right did someone like him have to be thinking that way about someone like Kaname. She was bright. She was hard working. She had overcome a number of difficult adversities and managed to be liked and admired.

_And she was attractive._

"Uh..."

Well, she _was_, whether or not he took notice of it… allowed him self to see it… or to say it, unbidden.

Sousuke walked over to a window and opened it, taking a deep breath of the chill night air. He stared out at the moving lights on the street below. Looking off in the dark, he saw past images of a sunset and a spraying fountain. Kaname was there, in her mother's kimono. She had caught him off guard, but no more so than he had surprised himself. She had wanted him to say she was beautiful. He had done so. He had meant it. But, he had not allowed himself to think further on the matter at that time, or afterwards. It had unnerved him. There was the potential for distraction.

There had also been no effort on his part to explore or capitalize on the brief moment they had shared together before his first action in Arbalest. They had been physically close. His eyes had been locked on hers. They had repeated each other's name. There was a mindless yearning inside him that both tantalized and terrified him. For a moment he had felt...

Looking at a speeding delivery truck, Sousuke tried to break that train of thought. Instead, he gave his memory of Kaname an imaginary salute. She had shown herself to be brave and resourceful that night. She had helped save herself, him, and Kurz. It seemed that she was a lot of things. Bright. Hard working. Admired. Beautiful. Brave. Resourceful. Whispered nature aside, she was extraordinary. She was someone who deserved a normal life. She was a person who would benefit from normal friends. No doubt she was a girl who wanted normal walks in normal places under normal circumstances.

Sousuke was not normal. Not even close. He was different…exceedingly so.

Sousuke walked over to Kaname's desk and reached for the card again. He stopped and pulled back his hand. He shook his head. "I am too different. But is different always wrong?" Pent up emotions flooded him then. That was a question he had asked himself many times in the past, but always found some way to avoid answering conclusively.

"No." A girl's voice answered for him.


	8. Chapter 8

Kaname had run out of the classroom.

It was such a deplorable show of weakness.

What did her classmates think? What would her teacher end up doing? What about Sousuke? That big idiot! Moron! Jerk! Why didn't he just keep the card tucked away? He could have talked to her about it later. No, he was probably being considerate. No doubt he realized that she would be worried, not knowing what had happened to it.

"But he didn't have to say 'Yes.' I don't care if he was answering the teacher. It caught me off guard. It got my hopes up." And, when he began speaking, she was so certain that he was talking about her... the card... everything. "Whose fault is that, Kaname? Really..."

She sighed, deep and long. Putting down the towel, she looked in the locker room mirror. She was still there. The girl who had thrown off her clothes, turned on the shower, and then put her head against the wall as she cried. "What would he have said to me?" Her heart skipped a beat. The blood rushed to her face. She wrung her hands together. She would probably never know now. Not after the show that she put on.

She saw Sousuke's face in her mind. It had the same calm but clueless expression. Would he have said 'Yes' or 'Affirmative' to the request? She looked to her reflection, hoping it could tell her. Would he have said 'No' or 'Negative' instead? She looked down at the floor, embarrassed to see her neat and clean clothes strewn here and there. Kaname was even more embarrassed by what she had said. Embarrassed and plagued by guilt.

'Sousuke,.. I hate you...' Sometimes she wondered if she did. Without even a moment's notice, a perfect day could be blown asunder. Meticulous plans could be rendered useless. Hopes, dreams, aspirations could all be brushed into the gutter. But, she had to admit to herself that she fed off the excitement and uncertainty... sometimes. _Sometimes._ 'Sometimes' is not enough, not for _that_ kind of disruption in her life.

_Right?_

Hadn't she been trying so hard to throw out all manners and means of disruption, just as she had tossed out a lot of junk from her earlier life? She had been Uprooted. She had been Moved overseas. She remembered acting out, and being written up by the police and analyzed by countless counselors. There had been her mother's sickness, slow decline, and death. Not to mention the torment that she had suffered through in Junior High. There was nothing wrong with wanting peace and stability, _was_ there?

Kaname took the towel over to the laundry bin and dropped it in. She brushed off her clothes and began to get dressed. Sousuke's face was still there, in the back of her mind. "Stop looking, you pervert!" She caught herself. He wasn't really there and she was still berating him. The young soldier with the scar on his face had really gotten under her skin, hadn't he? Who could blame her? Anybody else would have broken down by now, shipped off to some asylum.

Kaname realized something for a moment. She wasn't weak. She was remarkably strong. It took a lot of personal strength to deal with Sousuke's antics day in day out, and then come back to school fresh the next day, as if nothing had happened. It had taken a lot of strength to build up what she had now in High School, given everything she had faced before.

She did seem to have one weakness, though. Sousuke. Ironic. Almost painfully so. She had spent a lot of time thinking about him. Also, cursing him. And, crying about him.

"And you wanted him looking at you just now..." The Shoulder Devil made a brief appearance, floating in mid air, grunting under the weight of a full body cast.

"Yes..." Kaname answered automatically**. "NO!"** She struck out quickly, trying to punch the imaginary figure. She hit a locker, hard. It hurt!

That card. What had she done? What was she going to do?

"Maybe you should walk in someone else's shoes for a while." The Shoulder Angel popped into view. She saw the shallow dent in the locker. _"Tsk tsk."_ She disappeared.

Kaname suddenly felt despicable. Tears threatened to come to her eyes, if there were any left to cry. She thought about what it must be like to be Sousuke. What it must have been like to suffer what he had suffered, and to be faced with the things that he took for granted. She had moved about some, but he was always on the move. She had made herself a home of sorts, even though her father and sister were far away. Sousuke had no family left. A submarine was his home. A submarine and any trench, foxhole, stake out, or hideaway he found himself in.

"Sousuke."

She wondered just what went on inside him. It was so hard to judge. He was so hard to figure out. She wondered if she liked him because he was kind and dependable... because he was a challenge to understand... or because he was so different than everyone else. Did he even have emotions like normal boys and girls? Were they hidden away, held captive by his rigid military discipline and duty? Or, was he numb, unfeeling, and dead inside?

If he had feelings, she may have hurt him back there. But, there would be hope. There would be something for her to work on. He must be pretty strong too, always taking what he did from her, again and again, and still coming back to protect her. Would he even want anything to do with a girl like that, assuming he had any attraction to girls at all?

'He said I was beautiful.' Kaname reminded herself. 'I saw the look on his face when he said I keep surprising him.' Kaname began working on her hair. What if Sousuke didn't have any feelings, or would never be able to get in touch with them? It would mean that she hadn't hurt him unfairly. Somehow, that might make her feel a little better. But, would he be someone like that be worth caring about? Was that the kind of boy she should be thinking about, when others had made their interest in her known? There were only so many days left in her teenage life. Before she knew it, she would be in college, and then in a job.

_These special days would not last forever._

Another question raised its hand. The brush caught painfully in her hair when her arm stiffened. Did she look at Sousuke to see who he was, or hoping to see the things that she wanted him to be? Was she intent on discovering what made him tick, or on changing him to fit her needs? She scowled, looking at her reflection, the hair brush just dangling there. That was as undignified look as she had seen lately. "Moron."

Kaname hadn't been talking about Sousuke that time. She saw an image of Sousuke on a leash. 'Up boy, up! Show everybody your gun. Good boy!' She couldn't help but smile. He actually _did_ deserve something like that, once in a while. Did she want to be the girl who tamed the wild otaku? Would it be an ego thing, being the only girl in school with a Sousuke?

Every girl probably wanted someone to protect her. What girl wouldn't want someone to rush to her aid, shielding her with his body, lifting her up when she had fallen? What girl wouldn't want to be the center of some boy's attention, 24/7? But, those girls would hope the boy would do that because he wanted to, not because he was ordered to. Would Sousuke want to look after her, even if it wasn't in his job description? He was so big on obligation. How she had come to despise that word.

Involuntarily, something Melissa once said came to mind. She had been speaking about Kurz, but it was the truth that mattered. "You can't polish a turd."

"Ugh!" Who would even want to try? She shook the image out of her mind.

"Way to go girl! Great romantic thought!" The Shoulder Devil appeared, pulling at the hair brush. "Be sure to tell Sousuke what you think of him..."

"_Shut up!"_ Kaname groused.

"Gotcha." The impish figure blew her a kiss, did a swan dive, and disappeared down the sink drain.

The saying was vulgar, but it certainly spoke a powerful truth.

"It works both ways, sweetie." The Shoulder Angel materialized holding a large ugly brown cup. She tied her hair back, put on a pair of gloves, and took out a large bottle of silver polish. Her elbows were a blur as she went at the cup with a rough cloth. When she was finished, she smiled triumphantly. Holding up a gleaming silver chalice, she pointed to the words engraved on its side: 'You don't know until you try.' She disappeared.

"Why do things have to be so hard?" Did she really want to put her heart out on her sleeve... lay everything out on the line... make a considerable effort and use up her precious time... only to realize that Sousuke _was_ a something undesirable? All of his actions and good intentions would be meaningless then. All of the horrors, trials, and tribulations from the past would become magnified in her mind. There were plenty of warning signs that spoke of that possibility. Images bubbled up within her head, tickling her memory.

But, what if Sousuke were that someone special, the boy who could complete her, the Yang to her Yin? Could she live with the possibility that he was everything that she ever wanted, but let him get away without even trying? What if he was merely covered with an understandable layer of tarnish? If that were the case, and she came to that realization after she had burned all of their bridges, the special times they had shared together would always speak to her of lost opportunities.

"Don't know until you try." Yes. She had taken risks before. It was how she became a class representative. It was why she was Student Council Vice President and captain of the girl's softball team. It was the reason for her amazing turnaround after Junior High.

There was only so much that thinking, wondering, and worrying could accomplish. Besides, she had already thought things through a number of times. Wasn't she the one who had bought the card? Bought it... wrote it... perfumed it... and then sealed it! No one else carried it to school for her, right?

"Why don't you try a little test? Wjile most guys think of you as some kind of idol, there are some that keep on your trail. Think about them a bit. The steamier the thoughts, the better. Maybe you'll forget about Fido then." The Shoulder Devil licked her finger, touched herself, and smiled at the steam coming off.

Kaname blushed, But, she followed the suggestion. _Satoru Shirai?_ No. The boy she went to the amusement park with, _Fuwa?_ Close, but no cigar. _Tsubaki Issei._ He was cute and sweet, but no. _The Captains of the soccer and track clubs_? Get real! _That college student living in her apartment building_? Forget about it.

She spun the hair brush in her hand as she thought. It didn't take long. Some were too safe. Others were too boring. Or too annoying. None were Sousuke. "Guess that answers that." She checked her watch. No more time for deliberations. It was time to head off for the next class. She still had time to speak to her teacher and offer an apology. Hopefully he would understand.

Walking through the hallway, she came across Kyouko. "Kaaaa-naaaa-maaaaay." Her friend looked relieved to see her. "I was so worried about you. We looked all over."

"I'm feeling better now, Ky. I embarrassed myself in front of the entire class. It took a while to shake that off." Kaname did not feel like going any further than that, not even with her best friend.

"You missed what Sousuke did!" Kyouko's words sent an icy dagger into Kaname's heart.

What did he do? Rip up the card? Say something about her behind her back? Blow something up? Leave the school? Forever? "W-What did he d-do?" Kaname flinched, knowing how she must have sounded.

"He's never done something quite like that before. You should have _seen_ it!" Kyouko held up her camera. Kaname _could_ see it. If she put the images on, that is.

**"What!"** Kaname frowned. She shouldn't let herself seem eager or something. 

Kyouko smiled. She realized that she had a fish on the line. "Never mind. I shouldn't have brought it up. You probably wouldn't care." Kyouko grinned. "Besides, it's all over the school by now. I'm certain you'll hear someone talking about it."

"He was marvelous," Ren said, walking up behind Kyouko.

"Well?" Kaname was clenching her fists. Ren continued smiling. She winked at Kyouko. "Ren! Kyouko! You..." Kaname got herself under control. She tossed off a trademark 'Hmmppff' and began to walk off. Someone would tell her. Someone _better!_

"Do you want to tell her, Kyouko?" Ren spoke in a considerate tone.

"OK." Kyouko smiled. She intended to stay quiet a bit longer, until she saw the look on Kaname's face. Seeing Ryo, Maya, and Mizuki heading in their direction, she waited until they arrived. "Mr. Ichigaki asked for whatever card Sousuke was holding. He threatened Sousuke with detention. Sousuke was so brave. He said 'No. I will not.' He told the teacher 'Your request has been denied.' When Mr. Ichigaki told him it was an order and _not_ a request, Sousuke didn't even bat an eye.

"'If you do not give me the card, you will be staying after school for detention, young man!'" Ryo did a perfect imitation of the angry teacher.

"'It is not a problem'." Maya had everyone smiling with her Sousuke voice.

"And then he just sat back in the chair and closed his eyes." Mizuki looked doe-eyed. "Mr. Ichigaki gave him one week's detention for his disrespectful behavior. He sent Sousuke to the Principal's office."

Sousuke had done that for her? After she said what she did? Kaname felt ashamed. Still, she couldn't help but smile a quick small smile.

"So what _was_ in that card, Kaname?" Kyouko had her camera ready. Ren put her hand over the lens. She shook her head. Kyouko nodded.

"It's personal." The tone of Kaname's voice took all of her friends by surprise. It was straight forward, with no hint of denial. There was no sign of her trademark laughter. They were at a loss to know what to say or do. "I have two people to apologize to."

Kaname had to force herself not to start running. Suddenly, it felt as if time was running out for some reason. Why had she waited so long? No. Breathe deep. Relax. She had nothing to regret. She would have waited for the end of class in any case.

After bowing and saying 'I am so sorry' to Mr. Ichigaki, Kaname pushed her way through the crowd, heading for her next class. Walking into the room expectantly, her eyes went immediately to Sousuke's seat.

_He wasn't there._

The whispers and giggles started almost immediately, but she paid them no heed. Where was Sousuke? Was he still in the Principal's office? No one stayed that long, unless they were about to be expelled. No way! Not that! He had only refused a teacher's order about something that way personal and none of the teacher's business. Unless Sousuke did something that the girls hadn't mentioned. Like a gun, knife, or grenade.

Maybe he was upset and went home. Would he have done that, leaving without giving her word? Well, she had been rather upset. He might have decided that it was better for him to just go. Didn't he plan to come back and do his detention, though? If he skipped that, he really might be looking at serious trouble.

It wasn't his style. Sousuke never ran away from punishment. And he wasn't a quitter. Unless he wasn't planning on coming back at all. Could this have been the final straw? He was an Arm Slave pilot first, after all. That, and an experienced combat soldier. School was an alien landscape for him. He might have decided to go back to what he knew best... where he felt most comfortable... with people who would treat him appropriately.

Treat him appropriately. Unlike she did. 'Sousuke... I hate you...' He certainly hadn't deserved that. 

Kaname kept her eyes glued to the clock. The second hand became the center of her world. There were only a few minutes left. She whispered to herself. "Come on, Sousuke. Time is running out. You're coming, aren't you? I'm _s-o-r-r-y_..." She needed an answer. She turned to the nearest girl. "Do you know if Sousuke ever came back from the Principal's office?"

The girl never had a chance to reply. Atsunobu answered instead. "I was up in the office checking on next week's meeting." He put down his book, straightened his glasses, and glanced at Kaname. "Sousuke came out from his talk with the Principal while I was there. I heard him ask for permission to leave school early. I didn't catch any particulars. He did mention that he had a long distance call to make."

"I see. Thank you." A long distance call? She knew who that would be. Mithril. Lt. Cmdr, Kalinin, probably. Maybe Kurz or Melissa. It could even be Tessa. It had better not be. That would be the story of Kaname's life… finding someone that she wanted to get to know better, and then driving him away and into the arms of a pint-sized Captain!

Kaname began to worry in earnest. She could image Sousuke going away on a mission instead of staying around someone who made nice to him one moment, then slapped him down the next. At least he knew what to expect from the enemy. What if he got killed, going on a mission he would not have normally gone on. Then it would be _her_ fault...

Her pencil snapped. She had been pushing too hard. Yes. Not just with the pencil. That card had been a bold move… maybe too bold. Sousuke had no way to know what her intentions were. He might have jumped to the wrong conclusion. Had she scared him away? If so, did that mean he wasn't worth her attention in the first place? No. In any case, that wasn't the point.

_Was he OK?_

Kaname found it hard to concentrate during the rest of that class. Things didn't become any easier after that. She phoned Sousuke's apartment, but nobody answered. It was wrong to fear the worst. He might have felt the need to go for a walk. He could have needed to do some work at one of the safe houses. Who could say for sure?

After school let out, she hung around doing her homework. Her chair turned, she gave herself a view of the main hallway. If Sousuke came in through the front door, she would see him. She finished her assignments. There was no sign of him. She mad another call to his apartment. Still no answer.

Putting her book bag in her locker, Kaname decided to walk about the school. She would check the sitting detention rooms. Then she would look in every other room if necessary. Sousuke had tremendous energy and endurance. His punishments were usually physical. The janitor loved having an extra hand.

Her steps became quicker between each set of rooms. Her heart beat faster with each empty space. She worried more and more.bb"If you left for good, I'll never speak to you again!" She stopped, wondering where her head was. Did she just say that? _Sheesh._

Building after building. Wing after wing. The search continued. Wait, down that hallway. The last room. Light coming through the door. The light went off. The room next door lit up. She didn't see or hear anyone move between rooms.

Step by step. She moved as quietly as possible. The sounds of desks moving could be heard. There was also a repetitive noise, hard to make out. A few steps more. The sound was louder. Sweeping. The noise sounded like sweeping.

Finally reaching the door, Kaname reached into her purse. She took out her compact. Using the mirror, she got a look into the room. It _was _Sousuke. She was so relieved. Opening her mouth, she was about to yell and run into the room. No. She wanted to watch him a while first. Maybe she could get some idea of what he was feeling. Besides, when Sousuke was armed, it was never a good idea to surprise him.

"Hate..."

Sousuke ran a hand through his hair, sighing. Kaname tensed up inside. Was he thinking about someone he hated? Her? Or was he repeating what she had said. He shook his head and straightened his back, then got back to sweeping. He looked somewhat forlorn. That was not a look she usually associated with the taciturn young soldier. Why did it take something as drastic as all this to see his human side?

"Hate is not a problem."

The tone in his voice spoke otherwise. Kaname began to feel remorseful. Sousuke didn't deserve to go through this. She admitted to herself that she was entirely at fault. He hadn't done anything wrong. It wasn't fair to keep punishing him a little here and a little there for each big problem he did cause.

"It appears that I am the problem."

Kaname froze. Tears came to her eyes. She had felt that way about herself once, back when so many things seemed to be going wrong. She could find no other explanation at the time. She watched Sousuke bend over with a dustpan.

"Nice ass, huh?" The Shoulder Devil merely mentioned something that she had noticed before. It was hard to deny it with her conscience plaguing her like this. She often found herself comparing the way Sousuke looked against other guys. Kyouko had caught her doing it a number of times, and was probably close to guessing her feelings.

Sousuke picked up a colorful magazine. He leafed threw a number of pages and stopped to scan some of the articles and exposes. He closed the magazine...walked over to the garbage can... looked at the cover again... then dropped the publication into the receptacle. Kaname would have given anything to hear his thoughts.

Shrugging his shoulders, the young operative walked back over to his broom. He took out his Glock and looked at it. Why? He wasn't thinking about shooting himself _was_ he? Should she run in? Could she make it in time? Might he shoot her too?

_No!_

No. It wasn't that. He probably just wanted to see something familiar... something he could depend on.

Sousuke kicked a desk as hard as he could. It flew up against one wall, knocking a number of items off of a bulletin board before tumbling over the teacher's desk and striking the blackboard. He picked up a chair. The anger frightened Kaname. It was so unexpected. So primal. It had almost been like something she saw on one of the nature channels. He must be very hurt. Did the invitation mean that much to him? Had he been looking forward to that night? Her pulse rate went up.

Was he feeling betrayed, because of all he had done for her? Might he wonder why the Hell he was even at Jindai High School, doing his best for someone who sometimes treated him like he was the worst? She lowered her eyes.

"No. It is better this way."

He was trying to convince himself of something. Probably something that wasn't true. Kaname had been _there_ before, too. He really must have wanted to spend time with her. That thought warmed her at first. Soon though, she felt guilty. Guilty for what she had said, and guilty for secretly watching his pain.

Sousuke walked over and retrieved the desk. He put it back in place. He picked up his broom and then spun it a couple of times before using it as it was intended. Kaname smiled. Even without witnesses, Sousuke was still an otaku. Everything was a weapon. _Geez!_

"Kaname."

Kaname froze again. How couldn't he hear the drum-like beat of her heart? She really did wish that she could spend some quiet time alone with Sousuke, in a place that had nothing to do with Mithrul, the Whispered, Jindai High School, or anything like that. Well, she had wanted him to have emotions, no matter what they were. It looked like her wish came true. It was more than that. He wanted him to have strong emotions about her. Good emotions.

After wiping the sweat off of his brow with his shirt tail, Sousuke took out the card to look at it. He held the paper up to his nose and inhaled slowly, his eyes closed. Kaname's heart almost burst. She would have melted into a puddle if he had kissed the paper or said something romantic.

Walking over to Kaname's desk, he left it inside.

"What are you doing, Sousuke? Big idiot. Jerk. Stupid head. Don't go all noble on me now." Kaname managed to keep her words inaudible. Barely. "Fight for me. I'm worth it, aren't I? Moron!" Still, she was moved. Sousuke had walked over with such grace, such dignity. For that moment, he was more of a hero to her than he had ever been in the past. She was glad she hadn't announced her presence, if only for that opportunity. "Sure, Kaname. He's nothing more than a military machine. No feelings whatsoever. He never thinks about you or your feelings." Kaname didn't feel very heroic herself at that moment.

Sousuke took a piece of paper out of his own desk. Finding no pen there, he borrowed one from a nearby piece of school furniture. He spent some time writing something, then wrapped the note around Kaname's card.

_'WHAT DID HE WRITE?'_

Kaname's thoughts rang out like a large church bell. She was vibrating with anticipation, as if she were the clapper of the bell. She hated suspense. She had to know.

Sousuke took out his pistol, put it on a desk top, and spun it. It stopped, barrel pointing towards him. "I win." What? Kaname deflated. Just what was he talking about? Not suicide. That had just been a foolish thought before, hadn't it? Just because she once wished that she was dead didn't mean that Sousuke would feel the same way. He'd already been through much worse, right?

No. He's lost in thought, but he doesn't look depressed. The whole scene actually reminded Kaname more of 'Spin The Bottle'. What? He's blushing!

"Uh..."

"Sousuke Sagara, what are you thinking about?" Kaname's heart rate went back up again. "Who are you thinking about?" She almost spoke that loudly enough to be heard.

Sousuke walked over to a window and opened it, taking a deep breath of the chill night air. He stared out at the moving lights on the street below. Kaname felt like a voyeur, but she couldn't tear her self away, and she didn't want to break the moment. She had done a lot of thinking. Sousuke must need to do the same thing too. It felt nice, having something in common with him.

She watched as he walked over to her desk and reached for the card again. He stopped and pulled back his hand. He shook his head. Kaname could feel the tension. She could see the conflict in him, noting how his body seemed at war with itself. It was exhilarating... instructive... painful.

"I am too different. But is different always wrong?" Pent up emotions flooded him then. That was a question he had asked himself many times in the past, but always found some way to avoid answering conclusively.

"No."

Kaname couldn't wait any longer. She had asked herself that same question many times. Sousuke needed to know he had done nothing wrong. She wanted to tell him he was OK just the way he was.

Swallowing hard, she walked into the room.


	9. Chapter 9

It was an awkward moment.

Both Sousuke and Kaname had done a lot of thinking. They had spent time searching every nook and cranny of their souls. Each had come to what they felt were significant conclusions. The objects of their thoughts stood before them, one holding a broom, the other holding her tongue.

"It's OK. Take your time." The Shoulder Angel offered encouragement. "The next words may be important."

"Have they taken their clothes off yet? Great way to break the ice..." The Shoulder Devil had a bucket of popcorn and a pair of opera glasses.

Kaname flinched, but she still didn't say anything. She swallowed. Unabale to speak first, she distracted herself by checking out the progress of Sousuke's work. Everything was so clean. The desks and chairs were in neat rows. He would make a wonderful janitor.

Sousuke stared at Kaname. It was late. She shouldn't be wandering around a dark school, alone. Why had she come looking for him? Did she want the card back, or was he correct about the likelihood of her regretting her actions? Her posture and silence favored the latter.

"Sousuke, I..."

"Kaname, I..."

Both had started speaking at the exact same time. Each went silent again, waiting for the other to start.

"I figure _that_ counts as foreplay!" The Shoulder Devil put on a dominatrix costume.

"Give it a rest." The Shoulder Angel said, pulling a never-ending cord. A shower head appeared over the devil and discharged gallon after gallon of icy cold water.

Kaname looked at Sousuke's eyes, trying to judge his mood. Was he angry at her? Did he despise her? Was he confused? Did her presence here bother him? Her one hand began to twitch involuntarily. She looked him up and down, as if preparing to memorize his appearance for the last time. She gulped when her eyes touched upon certain areas.

Sousuke felt torn. His head was telling him to ask Kaname if she wanted him gone from her life. His heart wanted him to find out whether she wanted him in her life. His eyes didn't help that debate. He remembered his earlier thoughts. Even in a school uniform, she was beautiful. Part of him was afraid he'd turn into a pillar of salt because he had looked too long and too closely. 'Make a decision, soldier! The mission can't get started without you.' Sousuke's thought had part of him saluting and another part slapping its forehead. Wouldn't Kaname love to hear that he had thought of this as a mission.

"I apologize..." Sousuke blurted out with conviction.

"I'm sor-r-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e..." Kaname said with a large burst of emotion.

They had both spoken at the same time again. Sousuke relaxed some, wondering what the probability for something like that was. Kaname smiled, feeling a little more at ease. "You may proceed." Sousuke figured it was her duty to follow-up the final words spoken between them.

"Go right ahead." Kaname didn't want to speak at that moment. For some reason, she just wanted to hear Sousuke's voice.

The silence stretched on, both students standing completely still. The analytical part of Sousuke's mind tried to determine the significance of the phenomenon. The urge to speak began building within Kaname. There was too much water for the dam to hold; but, she was now even more determined that Sousuke should go first. Sousuke thought back to one of his earlier thinking sessions. Maybe he _should_ use sign language. Kaname was beginning to feel the telltale tightening of her jaw that heralded the arrival of her anger.

"Uh..." Sousuke ventured, despite all of the mental preparation he had done.

"_Well-l-l-l-l-l?"_ Kaname said at the same time.

"I..." Sousuke was trying, but he couldn't find the right words. There were too many possible choices. He would have traded his eye teeth for an instruction manual.

**"And?"** Kaname began tapping her feet. Her prior thoughts took second stage now. She was on automatic, back in familiar territory.

"If..." Sousuke was sweating now, in part from the mental exertion, and in part from nervousness. He kept looking at Kaname, trying to gauge her body language, but all he could see was the curves in that body. This was not the time.

Kaname stood quietly, her arms crossed over her chest. Her eyes had narrowed.

The Shoulder Devil reappeared, holding a small weather chart. "Todays' forecast for Pompeii. Expect midday flames from the volcano and an immense black cloud covering the sun. For the next few days, there is a high likelihood of volcanic matter, fist-sized rocks, and red-hot cinders raining down on the city, making a blanket up to an estimated fifteen to twenty feet deep over the entire area. People should expect to be encased in the ash as it cools. The survivors who escape the eruption can expect to be killed by poisonous gas."

Sousuke berated himself. He was a Specialist. He could do this. He had to do this. Now. "Uh..."

**_"SOUSUKE!"_** Kaname took just one step forward. Her hands were on her hips. There was a look of danger in her eyes.

Sousuke snapped to attention. "Sir, yes sir!" His arm started upward, but he managed to abort the salute.

"At ease, Sousuke." Kaname cringed. It had been the first thing on her lips. She was mortified. Still, she felt a smile beginning. Sousuke's reaction had been cute. Her own reaction was puzzling. Normally she would have gotten even angrier, seeing him go all military at a time like this.

Sousuke spread his legs apart and put his arms behind his back. Kaname just shook her head.

"Tell him to drop and give you twenty!" The Shoulder Devil wore a combat helmet and carried a riding crop. Kaname smiled.

"Kaname?" Sousuke took note of her smile. Was she happy, or had he done something amusing again? Not for the first time that day, he marveled at the complexity of women.

There were a lot of things that Kaname wanted to know. Did Sousuke like getting the card? Was he going to say 'Yes'? Did he hope the invitation still stood? Would he still say 'Yes'? What had he been feeling after her unfortunate exclamation? Did he hate her? Was he considering leaving the school? Had he been thinking about her? How long before he said 'Yes'?

"Ummm...so... you've been sweeping?" Kaname couldn't believe herself! With all the things she could have asked or made it a point to say, she came up with _that_.

"Affirmative. That is what this broom is for, Kaname." Sousuke's voice was calm and controlled. There wasn't the slightest hint that he was explaining the obvious. Nonetheless, his simple statement was just what Kaname needed to break past the barrier.

"I can _see_ that, Sousuke. What do you think I am, some kind of idiot?" Kaname stamped her foot, hard.

Sousuke didn't answer. For once, he treated the query as he should, as a rhetorical question. Kaname, who in the past always smacked him with the halisen when he replied to that type of question, grew angrier at his silence. Angrier, and concerned. Did his silence mean 'Yes?' The wrong 'Yes'? "**WELL?"** Kaname took a few more steps forward.

Sousuke stood his ground. He didn't say anything. Kaname should know that he considered her very intelligent. This must be some kind of test. He would not fail. Kaname bit her lip. Her eyes went soft. Her shoulders slumped ever so little. "You don't, _do_ you Sousuke?" Her voice was uncertain, vulnerable. All of the steam had rushed out of her.

Sousuke thought about the change in Kaname. She was obviously not ill. She had looked fine a moment ago. It was no doubt an emotional thing. A female emotional thing. He wasn't certain what to do, so he would offer reassurance. "Negative." Kaname still looked somewhat unconvinced, so Sousuke editorialized, more than he had intended. "It should be as obvious to you as it is to me. You are the kindest, brightest, most beautiful girl in the school." Sousuke froze. He knew that feeling. It had come when he had been too aggressive in his fighting, his actions causing collateral damage that should have been avoidable.

Kaname rocked back on her heals. Her body temperature rose almost immediately. She wasn't certain what she just heard. "I'm sorry, Sousuke. I missed part of that. Would you repeat it, please?"

"Uh...I... umm... said it should be as obvious to you as it is to me, that you are the kindest and brightest girl in the school." Sousuke began to sweat. For some reason, he felt like running. But, part of him wanted to tell Kaname exactly what he had said.

"I see," Kaname said, hiding a smile. She was not about to let Sousuke off the hook. "That's not what you said the first time, _was_ it?"

"Uh... I assure you, Kaname... I used those exact words."

Kaname took a few more steps towards Sousuke. She saw his eyes follow her every move. He swallowed hard. Good! "I _know_ that, Sousuke! I just think that you said something more. That's the part I missed. Was it something important?" She took another step forward.

"Uh..."

"_Well-l-l-l-l_..."

"I... it...ummm..."

"I'm waiting..."

"Uh..."

Kaname tossed her hair and put on a mock frown. She turned around and began walking away. Over her shoulder she said "Hmmppff! And I thought soldiers were supposed to be honorable."

"I said you were beautiful." Sousuke's words came out in a rush.

"I see. That's the second time you've said that. You must really feel that way, then." Kaname couldn't help herself. She smiled. Her eyes went big. The feeling inside her was undeniable. For a brief moment, she felt like kissing him.

_"Ooooooh."_ The Shoulder Devil was in such a hurry, she forgot to get dressed. "Go for it, girl! While you're at it, tell him you think he's hot. You know, he _does _ have remarkable stamina..." Kaname brushed angrily at her shoulder, trying to dislodge the naked and scampering devil.

"Dandruff, Kaname?" Sousuke's concerned inquiry was like a bucket of ice. The mood sizzled and went out.

"W-W-_What?"_ Kaname couldn't believe what she had heard. She had put the cart before the horse. After all, it _was_ Sousuke she was dealing with.

"If your scalp is causing you discomfort, I should be of assistance." Sousuke nodded his head, eager.

"H-H-Huh?" He had gone from 'beautiful' to 'dandruff.' She didn't know whether she should laugh, cry, scream, or smack him. Still, part of her thought it was cute.

"Yes. I do not like to see you in pain, Kaname. I will always do what I can to help you. No matter what." His jaw tightened. There was an unreadable look in his eye.

"I see. Thank you, Sousuke." It didn't matter what he was talking about. Those words were from the heart. If she could extrapolate them further...

"I would recommend one with coal tar, salicylic acid, selenium sulfide, or pyrithione zinc. The first slows cell production, and the latter two reduce cellular turnover. Salicylic acid causes dead cells to fall off before they clump." Sousuke had suffered from flakey scalp before. He would use his experience for Kaname's benefit.

"Sousuke..." Kaname said, eyes beginning to narrow.

"If you are worried about lice as well, you would need to use a solution containing Pyrethin, Lindane, Piperonyl Butoxide, or similar agents. I must caution you, however. Do not imbibe those agents, as they are very toxic."

**_"SOUSUKE!"_** Kaname couldn't help herself. She did what Sousuke had done earlier. She kicked over a desk. Her breathing was fast and ragged. She clenched both fists.

"Kaname?"

**"I... DO... NOT... HAVE... DANDRUFF..."** Kaname's face was turning read.

"It is nothing to be ashamed of. I will not tell anyone else..."

_"Oooooooh!"_ Kaname was close to the point of no return. She intended to strike him, but not within an inch of his life. Yet. "Give me the broom, Sousuke."

"Kaname?"

**"N-O-W, SOLDIER!"**

Sousuke handed the broom to Kaname. "I doubt the flakes will be noticeable. The floor is clean enough for now, Kaname."

**"AHHHH. BAKA!"** Kaname smacked Sousuke on top of the head with the broom. Straw caught in his hair. He grimaced.

"Ouwww. Kaname, that hurt." Sousuke rubbed the sore spot, pulling out the straw.

"Good! How about _this?"_ Kaname brought the broom handle hard across one of Sousuke's knees. She had changed her target at the last possible moment. Sousuke didn't know how lucky he was.

"Ahhhh. Yes."

"And _this?"_ Kaname whacked Sousuke's hand resting on the nearest desk.

Sousuke didn't say anything. His eyes went somewhat empty. Kaname immediately regretted going too far. "I do _not_ have dandruff, Sousuke." Kaname dared Sousuke to contradict her, and then continued. "That is not why I was upset. When a boy is telling a girl she is beautiful, she doesn't want him to stop and talk about dandruff!" She gave him the broom back.

Sousuke bowed his head. "Yes. That makes sense. Like your beauty, your intelligence does not disappear when you get angry. It appears that I am deficient in such matters. Perhaps it would be best if I do not trouble you any more with personal talk. I am not proficient in that."

Kaname never ceased being amazed by Sousuke. One moment he had him ready to strangle him... the next moment she wanted to hug him. "No, Sousuke. I want you to trouble me with personal talk." Kaname blushed. It had been her turn to speak without thinking. "I mean...I..."

"Kaname?"

"You'll do just fine, Sousuke. You don't have to be proficient, you just have to be yourself." That was all true, but it wasn't what Kaname had wanted to say. She bit her lip, disappointed in her cowardice. Then again, with Sousuke, maybe it was best to take baby steps.

"I see..."

The silence became awkward and drawn out again. Sousuke didn't know what to say. Kaname was afraid to say exactly what she was feeling. There was something in the back of her mind shouting for attention. What was it? There had been something she was very curious about and wanted to know? It came to her.

"Sousuke."

"Yes, Kaname?"

"Give me the broom back."

"But..."

**"NOW!"**

"Here..."

Kaname paused a moment. She saw the look in Sousuke's eyes. He expected to be struck again. For some reason, that brought her close to tears. "I'm going to sweep for you. You have worked hard enough already."

"But Kaname, that is _my_ assignment. What should I do?" Sousuke took his responsibilities very seriously, no matter what the source. It was his job to clean up the class rooms, not Kaname's.

"Did you leave the card in my desk?" Kaname looked Sousuke square in the eyes.

"Uh..."

"I'll take that as a yes." She wouldn't let Sousuke look away. "Did you also leave me a note?"

"Uh..."

"Another 'Yes.' I would like you to read me the note." Kaname began sweeping. When she looked up, Sousuke hadn't moved.

"Uh..."

"We're going to work on that problem someday, mister!" Kaname stopped in mid sweep. "Sousuke, could you please get the note for me. It would mean a lot to me." She batted her eyes. It was just an impulse. She wanted to see if that kind of thing would work on him.

"Yes, Kaname." Sousuke walked over to the desk. Kaname began sweeping with more vigor, smiling. She squirreled her discovery away.

When Sousuke returned, he put the card on a desk top and unfolded the note. He handed it towards Kaname, his eyes looking down at her feet. She put her hand on his, squeezed it briefly, then pushed it away.

"No, Sousuke. I want to hear _you_ read it. Please." She didn't bat her eyes that time. She wasn't playing.

"Uh..."

"Is it something weird, Souske?" Kaname raised an eyebrow.

"Negative."

"Something dangerous?" She kept a straight face.

"No."

"Then it is not a problem." She couldn't help but smile. Kaname was glad she hadn't blinked or looked away. She would have missed it. Ever so briefly, Sousuke smiled. His eyes lit up---not much, but for him it was amazing. He stiffened immediately thereafter, assailed by some thought. He looked worried. Kaname began to worry some herself. Had he arranged to go away? Forever? Her heart began pounding again. Her vision blurred for just a moment. She let go of the broom, but caught it before it hit the ground.

Sousuke read the note: "'Kaname. Thank you for the invitation. I will not burden you with my answer. Whether or not you hate me, I will continue to do my best to protect you. If you wish a replacement bodyguard, I will champion your cause. My apologies for being deficient. I do not wish to be a problem. Sousuke Sagara. Student, Jindai High School'" When he finished, Sousuke looked at Kaname intensely. If she didn't want him there any more, he wanted to know the truth. He did not want to torture her any more.

Tears came to Kaname's eyes. She couldn't help it. Hearing his voice as he spoke did more than reading the note ever could. At least the first time. She was going to keep that note! But, there had been something in his voice. She had never heard him sound exactly like that before. Just how much did he care about her? She wanted to know, but she didn't want to know.

Again, they were both at a loss for words. There heads were filled with too many thoughts and their hearts were unable to take control.

"Kaname..."

"Sousuke..."

Despite their uncertainty. They both smiled at that. That made two times Sousuke's had smiled. Kaname felt like a kid in a candy store. She instinctively knew she would have to take the lead in this.

"Sousuke Sagara, student at Jindai High School, you are the only one I want protecting me! Do you understand that? Should I use the broom to pound that into your otaku head?" Kaname winked.

"No." Sousuke looked as if a heavy weight had just been removed from his shoulders.

"You are not a problem Sousuke. Well, you are, but that's OK." Kaname was compelled to tell the truth. "And, you are not deficient, you are just different. It's alright to be different. Most of the time!" She smiled.

"I see." Sousuke nodded.

"But..." Kaname paused for dramatic effect. She walked over to Sousuke and stood nose to nose. "But, I will get on the phone... call Mithril... and have them take you away for ever... if you fail to do one thing." Her look was serious.

Sousuke gulped. "What?"

"There is something you need to do. Figure it out yourself! If you don't..." Kaname pulled up a chair and sat down.

"You are beautiful." Sousuke would try that first. It was the correct answer the last time Kaname had challenged him, dressed in that kimono.

"Thank you. Wrong answer."

"Uh..."

"Is that your final answer?" Kaname glared. It was all show. This was fun.

"_No!_ I apologize..."

"For what? Idiot!"

"I will not write you any more notes..."

"**WHAT?** Big jerk. You _better!"_ Kaname had stood up. Sheepishly she sat back down again.

"I will not make a request to be added to next week's mission."

"Huh? Mission? You better not be going on any mission, moron!" Kaname was standing again. It was her turn to swallow hard again. He really had been considering going away for a while. Not because he was just a soldier... but because he had a heart after all.

Sousuke's eye caught sight of the card. He knew what Kaname wanted. It was his time to take control. It might be the last chance he had to make such a claim. He didn't know what he was getting himself into. There was only one way to find out. He walked over to a desk, pulled up a chair, and sat down. He picked up the card and smelled it. He put it back down again. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kaname lean forward, hands gripping the sides of her desk. "It is getting late, Kaname. I should finish up. Can we continue this conversation tomorrow?"

**_"NO!"_** Kaname held onto the sides of the desk. As she began to stand, the desk went with her. It fell to the floor with a loud noise.

"I see." Sousuke began to rub his chin, twirling the card around on top of his desk with one finger. Just as he saw Kaname open her mouth, he picked up the card again. He opened it, and made as if he were reading it. He didn't have to. The words were emblazoned across his mind, blinking like a neon light. His body aching from where Kaname struck him with the broom, Sousuke leaned back in his hair. He closed his eyes. Paybacks are Hell.

_"Sousuke!"_

Sousuke opened his eyes, then stood up. He walked over to where Kaname sat. She looked up at him, her eyes glistening. "Do you wish to know my answer, Kaname?"

**"Yes!"** Kaname cursed herself for sounding so desperate.

"Exactly." Sousuke said.

Kaname smiled. Sousuke meant 'Yes.' But, wait a minute. That damn otaku. He didn't actually say 'Yes.' He owed her a 'Yes!'

"Is that the answer you wanted to give me, Sousuke?" Kaname's eyes flashed. She stood up slowly.

"Exactly." Sousuke said again.

"**_GRRRRRR_**... Sousuke, if you couldn't say 'exactly,' what would you say?" Kaname growled. That big idiot better know that she was not playing around. She wanted that 'Yes.'

"Precisely..." He deserved some kind of medal for keeping a straight face. It was a challenging task in the face of great danger.

"**AHHHHH**..."

"Yes." The word brought Kaname up short.

Kaname felt as if she were about to burst and fly about in every possible direction. She walked over to Sousuke and kicked him in the knee. "That's for making me wait!" She followed that up with a quick kiss on the cheek. "That's for getting the right answer!"

"Kaname..." Sousuke put his hand to his cheek. The girl in question picked up the broom and tossed it to Sousuke. "Kaname?"

"You have work to do. I'm going home. Later!" She literally ran out of the room. She was excited and relieved at the same time. She had gotten what she wanted. And, she was not about to stay in that room a minute longer. Who knows what that otaku might say to spoil that memory! The big idiot! "But just maybe he's _my_ big idiot."

Kaname ran all of the way home.


	10. Chapter 10

Sousuke's apartment was dark.

It was not just dark. It was very dark. All of the shades were down, and no lights were on. Only the red, green, and yellow lights on the com console flickered on and off.

The smell was somewhat musty, almost like the first room inside a large gymnasium complex. There was a faint hint of yesterday's dinner, and a subtle scent of lemon indicated that the dishwasher had been run earlier that day.

Rhythmic grunting and moaning were the only sounds heard. The falling sweat drops were silent. The fast and deep breaths were given little attention. They were expected, part of the background.

It was time too slow down, and then to gradually stop. It wouldn't do to push too hard. The last thing he needed to do was pull a muscle. Feet strapped into boots that hooked to his exercise bar, he hung down in a Jesus Christ pose, his perspiration clinging to him like ripe fruit on a tree. He had finished his rigorous training regime. It was cool down time.

While Sousuke's body relaxed, his mind took over. He felt his throat tighten. If the blood wasn't already rushing to his head, he feared it might end up somewhere unexpected or embarrassing. It was December 23rd. That, of course, was the night before Christmas Eve. There were less than twenty-four hours to go. He hadn't felt this way since the nights before his earliest missions as a part of the Mithril Special Response Team.

The comparison was apt. Just this morning, he had been riding a wave of building excitement and expectation. Despite being the ultimate novice, he had begun feeling cocky. He could do this. All it took was courage and determination. People had done it many times before and lived to tell the tale. Why couldn't he? What would be so difficult about a date?

_Nothing._

There would be nothing difficult about a date. It was the things one might be faced with wjile on a date that were so daunting. Sousuke breathed in deeply, holding his breath. Then, he exhaled. Trying to relax, he repeated the process a number of times. He closed his eyes. His thoughts traveled to a time years ago, where a young soldier had just earned his SRT badge.

That A.S. pilot had reveled in the power that he controlled from inside his walking metal chariot. He had felt invulnerable. There had been nothing that could keep him from reaching his goal. He was a little nervous, but had done well on the M9 simulators and had gotten the better of seasoned veterans on the training fields while using lesser machines that he had been accustomed to. But, when he glided down into the cauldron of battle, he learned an important lesson.

It was no video game. It did not matter how many people had piloted an M9 before him and lived to brag about it. The fact that he was an expert with RK-92s and M6s did not buy him some kind of special exemption. Things came at him at a speed he could never have understood without being there. Nothing followed the mission script. The slightest wrong move at an inopportune move could prove disastrous.

'What was he doing there?' He remembered having that kind of thought. 'How had he ever though he could do this?' He remembered having that type of thought, too.

Sousuke sighed. There was no retreating now. The upcoming encounter may simply serve as a first step. For him, a big first step. _If _he survived. He ran his hand through his hair. He flexed a number of tight muscles. Deciding it was time to get down, he swung up, grabbed the bar with both hands, and then unhooked his boots. He landed on the ground silently, crouching momentarily like a large cat.

He made his way into the shower. It would be cold water this evening. That might help. Lathering up, his thoughts went back to the previous night. The memory was pleasant. He placed his hand on the cheek that Kaname had kissed. The broom had been in his hand, but it was a while before he got back to sweeping. The image of Kaname had hung in the air before him, long after she had hurried home.

"That's for getting the right answer!" Kaname had said before kissing him. Sousuke realized it was not much as kisses go, but who could have thought that the pressure caused by two lips on a small area of facial skin could stop a Specialist in his tracks? When he had put his lips on Mizuki's, there had been no such electric feeling.

Finding the correct answer were a good thing when a Drill Sergeant is breathing down your neck. Sousuke had learned that the hard way. A correct answer also proved to be an advisable thing on a Japanese History test. He had ample opportunity to discover that truth. It did not hurt to give the desired words when one was faced by a school Principal or a police officer investigating an explosion. There also appeared to be potential benefits to answering Kaname's questions the way that she wanted. The fact that he now considered the kiss to be a good thing was more significant than the kiss itself. He didn't know if it was because of male and female chemistry issues, or because it was a sign that someone cared and approved.

Which did he want it to be? What did Kaname want? Exactly what might she expect from him?

The topic of kissing was as intriguing as it was discomforting. It was true that he'd never really kissed a girl and meant it. And, Kaname's kiss certainly was nothing like the ones he had seen in movies. But, the men and women in most films certainly seemed to be enjoying themselves.

He would need to keep an open mind. As comfortable as it might have been, he could not remain a child forever in some things.

Sousuke had borrowed a number of books from the local library. What operative wanted to go into battle uninformed? Even so, to his credit, he eventually realized… after leafing through the fifth text… that things would not necessarily go by the book. Nevertheless, there were some things which he had read that stuck in his mind.

**'The sound of a kiss is not so loud as that of a cannon, but its echo lasts a great deal longer.'**

That quote had caught Sousuke's imagination. Naturally, the military refernec helped provide a comfortable context.

**'Her kisses left something to be desired... the rest of her.'**

That saying was general enough to raise Sousuke interest, without raising his alarm. At first. He had swallowed hard when his thoughts began to wander.

**'A kiss is the upper persuasion for a lower invasion.'**

That earthy description had sent him out for a three mile run. The other boys at the school laughed and joked about sex all of the time. Maybe they had only been repeating what they herad, or acting out their private fantasies, but at least they were comfortable with the subject. They knew what they wanted. It was only a matter of time for them.

There had been little chance for Sousuke to laugh and joke with peers about sex, even had he compelled to do so. The soldiers he fought with spent most of their time bragging with men their own age. Some had made jokes at his expense, but most simply acted as if the young soldier wasn't there. A number of comrades had given him money for prostitutes, but he was never certain whether they had done it to make him feel like he was part of the team... because they felt sorry for him... or as yet another joke. In any case, he had never followed through. He never saw the purpose in it.

The time he spent with the mujahadeen had been far worse. Their jokes and treatment had bordered on being cruel. Some had beaten him simply for looking in the direction of their daughters and wives. Others had told him that the goats and sheep were the only thing he could use for his pleasure, if he ever discovered that he actually was a man. There were those who suggested that he be castrated or more thoroughly emasculated. It was the price he paid for being an outsider, no matter how good a fighter he became.

He brought his mind back to the present. There were important points to consider. He could not avoid thinking about certain possibilities. Might a high school girl be thinking about sexual relations on Christmas Eve? Would Kaname? What should he do if she did?

**'It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the lover.'**

Sousuke was a fighter, not a lover. He knew nothing of intimacy. Specifically, he did not know if he wanted to have an intimate relationship with Kaname. It would be inappropriate, given his mission. If he merely went ahead with things because Kananme desired it, would he be a blackguard and a liar if he did not feel the same way? Would he destroy their relationship if he refused? He should be honest with his feelings. There would be no reason to be ashamed of that.

**'For women the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.'**

Sousuke was unfamiliar with the words that boys said to girls in simple romantic banter. Such conversations went on around him at school, but he never paid attention. They would merely be distractions. He certainly didn't know what words would be appropriate for anything more serious than that. There was also the matter of the G-spot. The concept had him blushing so fiercely, that he had never finished reading about it. He looked down at his hand. Without realizing it, he had squeezed a new bar of soap in half. "It is foolish getting worked up over nothing. I should not create problems."

Chances were that Kaname would not be expecting an intimate relationship. She was still in high school. There were no boys with whom she dated. Gossip about her always brought quick and heated denials. But, why had she invited him to a Love Hotel? Melissa had made it clear that many people went to such places for physical love. But, her words suggested that a large number also went because of emotional love. That subject was almost as confusing as sex. In some ways, it was even more unnerving.

_What did Sousuke Sagara know about love?_

He had loved his mother and father. They were both torn from his life in traumatic fashion. He could only assume that he loved his brother and sister as well, but he had little memory of either of them. Who else had he ever loved after that? No one. If love was what Kaname expected, should he honor his acceptance? He did not wish to get Kaname's hopes up, only to disappoint her. He would make no assumptions about his ability to love or be loved. In warfare, when someone had expectations that were too high, unfortunate results occurred. In combat, when a fighter acted outside of his level for expertise, he sometimes brought down others with him when he fell. Could that happen in the dealings between boys and girls too? "I would never wish to do something that would hurt Kaname."

That statement practically vibrated with truth. Sousuke was surprised by his own level of vehemence. He honestly knew that he would die to keep her safe. Taking things a step further, he realized that he would suffer any amount of pain, just to keep her from being hurt. Could _that_ be love? Might it lead to such things?  
**  
'In real love, you want the other person's good. In romantic love, you want the other person.'  
**  
Sousuke certainly wanted what was good for Kaname. He might even want Kaname herself, if some of his thoughts were any indication. But, the platitude did _not_ say that 'if you want the other person's good, you are definitely in love'. As such, he had no guarantee that he was capable of loving Kaname. Or any girl, for that matter.

**'When women love us, they forgive us everything, even our crimes; when they do not love us, they give us credit for nothing, not even our virtues.'**

The thought of love leading to forgiveness was attractive to a young man who had killed so many enemies in the name of justice and world peace. Yet, while he may not have earned the wisdom that comes from being struck down by love, but Sousuke suspected that the emotion carried with it the promise of both pleasure and pain. He knew enough about duality from his times in battle. The rush and thrill of victory could turn to ashes in the hero's mouth when he saw the results of his carnage up close. It also helped that he had stumbled across a rather powerful bit of verse in his reading.

_'When love beckons to you follow him,_

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions

May wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams

As the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you

so shall he crucify you.

Even as he is for your growth

So is he for your pruning.'

The imagery was almost frightening.  
  
Sousuke did not know if he would be completely prepared to go to Belles Des Belles. But, when he did so, it would be with Kaname. He would not forget the words he had spoken to her on that large rock, when both of them were fishing at his secret spot. 'When you're with me, I can do anything.' If he was to explore some new world, who better to be with than her? He also remembered the time they had spent running through the forests of Khanka. At one point, bonded by their brush with death, they had fallen into each other's eyes. Sousuke still didn't know what he was feeling then, or whether he would see it's like again. But, he remembered asking Kaname if she trusted him. She did, and they survived because of that. He would place his trust in her now. He would do his best.

**'Love is, above all, the gift of oneself.'**

Could he give that? He would try. After toweling himself dry and getting dressed, he headed out into his living area. Turning on the lights, he looked at the chair in the far corner. A number of presents lay there, neatly wrapped. Sousuke and Kaname did not participate in Christmas day as a religious event. They did, however, decide to exchange gifts on the night of the 24th. That had left Sousuke with a bit of a quandary. What should he buy her? What would his motivation be?

It did not feel right simply to buy Kaname a present because she expected it, or because she was getting him one. There had to be some other reason. Sousuke thought about buying her something determined by how he felt about her. That wouldn't work, because he still wasn't entirely certain. He might not know how he truly felt until that night had come and gone. No, he would operate based on what she had done for him, an awkward soldier operating in an unfamiliar environment.

Despite his proclivity for trouble, Sousuke had been generally well-treated by the girl he was assigned to protect. He could not count how many times she had done him an unexpected or undeserved kindness, or had forgiven him his clumsy actions. Kaname was the reason his stay at Jindai High School had gone as well as it had. She was the one who made an effort to help him fit in. In a sense, she had behaved almost like a squad mate. They had been through a lot together, good and bad, comical and tragic. That was why he had decided to give her his most prized possession. She had seen it before, and had even held it for him in the hospital. It was the photograph of his old team in Afghanistan. He had put it in a new frame.

"I am certain she will take good care of you," Sousuke muttered to the package. "Despite her protestation, she has taken good care of me."

Sousuke had gotten her a number of smaller gifts as well, the selection of which was aided by serendipity. He remembered overhearing her talk with Kyouko about music, mentioning the name of an album she wanted. Swiss chocolates and French perfume were available at a local fancy store he had walked past. He had seen displays in the window . Girls supposedly liked candy and perfumes. As Kaname was a girl, he had a chance of being successful.

Kaname had kept his note, just as he had kept her card. Kaname should have a card as well. He had found one which seemed adequate. It had been difficult deciding what to write. Sousuke was not good with words. One of the books provided his salvation. He combined two sayings that seemed adequate:

**'I need the starshine of your heavenly eyes, after the day's great sun. And if I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I'd walk through a garden forever.'**

He had found the urge to fight on, looking into Kaname's eyes during the uncertain moments in Khanka. There was no doubt that he had spent a lot of time thinking about her, even though his thoughts were not recognizably romantic in the past. Girls appeared to like fancy words. He hoped Kaname would be satisfied.

Sousuke went over to his closet. Kaname had made two stipulations for their date. First, there could be no weapons whatsoever. Second, he had to wear nice clothes. Somewhat uneasy about the first, he had reluctantly agreed. Consulting with a woman in the nearby Men's Shop helped him meet the second requirement. He was about to look through his new clothes, selecting what to wear on the following night. He was interrupted by an unmistakable noise. The communications console. There was a call coming in. He had a strong sense of foreboding.

"Urzu 7, this is Mithril base, over." Sousuke did not recognize the voice.

Flipping a number of switches, and slowly turning a dial until frequency matching was optimal, Sousuke clenched his teeth. He was worried. If his services were needed, it couldn't be at a more inopportune time.

"Mithril base, this is Urzu 7, I read you. Over."

"Very good, Sgt. Sagara. I am patching through a call from Tuatha De Danaan. They should be on when I hang up. Godspeed. Over."

Sousuke looked over at the signal strength meter. It fluctuated wildly at first, then stabilized.

"Urzu 7, this is SRT lead, do you copy. Over." It was Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin. He was not one to check in on him to see how he was doing. Sousuke's heart sank. There could only be one reason for this call. All other communications would be handled by ancillary personnel.

"SRT lead, this is Urzu 7. I copy. What is the situation, Sir?"

"Your presence is required for a mission. More detail will be provided once you are onboard. A helicopter is inward bound. You will need to be at the rendezvous point by 1200 hours tonight. That is all."

"Sir, wait!" Sousuke went stiff. Melissa Mao might push the boundaries of military etiquette from time to time, but he never did.

"Yes, Sergeant? You realize that this is a semi-secure line. We do not want the transmission traced back to the source." Kalinin's voice was stern and unyielding. Sousuke knew that he better have a good reason for breaking protocol. He did not. Still, he must do what he could.

"It is about Miss Chidori, sir." Sousuke didn't go into details yet. He was still searching for the appropriate words. He was unsuccessful. In all likelihood, there were none.

"She will not be left unprotected, Sergeant. Support personnel in the area will covertly keep an eye on her. Their presence should prove sufficient for the three to five days you are gone. If you are finished..."

"Sir, Miss Chidori had made arrangements for the two of us tomorrow evening, at considerable expense, and out of her own savings." Sousuke had done his part. He awaited whatever censure might follow.

"I see. I expected a day like this might come. I am glad to see you showing dedication to something outside of your profession. However, this is _not_ the time. Arbalest is required. Your duty is clear. The Finance Department will reimburse Miss Chidori. Ending transmission. SRT Lead out"

The line went dead. Sousuke hung his head. There was nothing more he could have said. He had been walking dangerous ground as it was, as there were already people in the High Command who felt that Sousuke's skills were being wasted in Tokyo. The duty and obligation of his job were intruding on the life he had hoped to explore. He knew how much Kaname hated 'duty' and 'obligation' as it was. This would make her very upset. The investment she made in time was regrettably lost. Her monetary investment would be a moot point. But, her emotional investment was what mattered. Sousuke was clever enough to see that.

She might indeed hate him for this. But, he had only two choices: he could accept the mission, or he could refuse and leave the organization. So, in actuality, he only had one choice. He would explain things the best he could and deal with the inevitable consequences. The ARX-7 was necessary. That meant that Sgt. Sousuke Sagara was needed. His desires were immaterial. There would be lives at stake.

He sat quietly for a few moments, staring at his open closet and at the presents on his chair. He looked over at the stack of books he had perused. Rising, he walked over and picked up the card Kaname had given him. Sousuke reached for the phone. He stopped. Kaname should hear this in person.

An idea came to mind. Taking off his fatigues, he got dressed in one of the new outfits that he had purchased. There would be time to stop by Kaname's apartment, return, get dressed again, and make it to the pick-up point in time.

Gathering up the presents in his arms, he walked towards the door. Turning out the lights, he headed on his way.


	11. Chapter 11

Kaname was humming happily as she finished cleaning up the kitchen.

She had eaten a simple meal, but it had tasted uncommonly good. Everything had seemed particularly wonderful that day. When she had gotten home from shopping, she had called the restaurant to confirm her reservations. Three times. Likewise, she called Belles Des Belles more times than they might want.

Walking by her mother's picture, she stopped to say a quick word. "Well Mom, I've finally done it. I'm going to see if Sousuke can mean something to me. Keep your fingers crossed, OK?" Walking on, Kaname stopped and came back. "I called Ayame and told her too. She was very jealous. Not that I was rubbing things in. I hope she keeps it a secret like she promised!"

Despite showering after gym at school, Kaname took another long hot shower when she came home. The express purpose was to determine which combination of soap, shower gel, and shampoo did best together. There was nothing wrong with getting things just right! "I know one thing, it will NOT be a dandruff shampoo. Big idiot." Kaname drew a picture of Sousuke on the fogged up shower stall door. She smacked it lightly with her wash cloth.

After using up a fair amount of bath products, she settled into a more difficult task. A number of new outfits lay on the bed. They would need to be tried on. A crucial decision would need to be made.

"Too provocative!"

The first outfit wasn't racy by any stretch of the imagination, but it _did_ accentuate things more than she liked, considering where they would be going. Sousuke was incredibly naïve, but the old adage said it was the quiet ones that girls should be wary of. He was an all or nothing kind of guy. It didn't pay to take too big a chance.

"Like inviting him to a Love Hotel isn't a big risk!" She shook her head. Trust logic to intrude on her happy thoughts. Kaname had decided to through caution to the wind, but she was not about to throw off all her clothes too. "Not unless things are just right..."

Her face felt like it was on fire. That thought never failed to leave her flustered. She always talked as if Sousuke was some clueless farm boy, but she wasn't much better herself. Biting her lip, she wondered if Sousuke ever had similar thoughts… about things being just right, that is. That outfit set neatly aside, she moved on to the next.

"Too pedestrian."

It was a very nice ensemble. But, it wasn't quite right. She did want to accentuate certain things. Just because she didn't wish to send the wrong message didn't mean that she didn't want to torture Sousuke some. It would be good for him. Right? "He deserves it, the jerk!" Kaname smiled. It would be nice to see Sousuke blush, stammer, and sweat. It would show that he appreciated her.

She moved onto her final selection. Looking in her full length mirror, she did a happy pirouette. Next, she practiced a slow walk. After that, she reclined on her chair and her couch. She stood staring at her bed a while, before running back to the mirror.

"It will do."

Kaname smiled. The outfit was perfect. Everything was coming along so well. But, she was far from finished. There were different purses, watches, earrings and scarves to try on. Not to mention perfumes, nail colors, and breath mints. When she was finally finished with her fashion and cosmetics parade, she went to her closet and took out fancy paper and other necessary items. She placed her gifts for Sousuke on the floor and began wrapping them.

The first one was just meant to be cute. She had found it weeks ago, buying it before she had even conjured up her idea for Christmas Eve. It was a pistol made out of milk chocolate. Sousuke didn't care much for sweets, but he_ did_ like chocolate. Kaname tied a large red bow around the candy package before wrapping it. Her second selection had been more practical. She had chosen a shirt that she thought Sousuke would look good in. That way, it would be just as much a present for her as it would be for him. It might be a little premature to be thinking that way, but she didn't care. She was caught up in the moment. Tears came to Kaname's eyes as she wrapped the final gift. It was special to her. It was a scarf her mother had given her for her birthday. It had been one of the last presents she had gotten from her. She hoped that Sousuke would appreciate it and understand the significance.

It took a while before she figured out what she wanted to write in the card. It couldn't be too forward, as this would be the first date, and who knows what either of them might be thinking afterwards. It shouldn't be too stuffy, either. She was determined to wean Sousuke off of manuals, spec sheets, analyses, and things like that. Her choice was simple: 'I believe in you.'

Looking at the clock, Kaname was shocked to see how late it had gotten. She still had dinner to fix and her homework to finish. Before she did those, there was something else she wanted to do. She ran to the phone and began dialing Sousuke's number. She stopped. "No. Maintain a little mystery. It's just a date. We don't want to overdo things!" Having said that, she went about putting away piles of clothes, boxes of bathroom items, and a whole slew of odds and ends. To be safe, she would double check her homework in the morning. For some reason, she seemed a bit absent-minded.

Cooking dinner, she caught herself doing things she normally wouldn't do. She had placed a package in boiling water, rather than the pouch it contained. Before that, she had wondered what was taking so long for the water to get ready, but had forgotten to turn on the heat. Salt took the place of pepper. Sugar took the place of salt. She put the soup through a colander. Eventually she settled down and put together a pleasant meal. The entire time she ate, she thought about the dinner she would have the following night. She tried to think of things to talk about with Sousuke.

**"So Sousuke, what do you think of the Defense Force's new Arm Slave?"**

Kaname smiled. That was one of the last things she would ask! And, if Sousuke made the mistake of coming anywhere near a military topic, she would make him pay. Big time!

**"Have you given any consideration to what you might like to blow up next at school?"**

Kaname laughed. There couldn't be too much left that he hadn't already exploded, torched, trashed, or otherwise dismantled. Besides, it was her duty to work on his means of personal expression.

**"Sousuke, have you ever noticed just how pathetic short clumsy girls with platinum-colored hair are?"**

Yes. That one had some promise! Kaname smiled and shook her head. She didn't need to force things. In fact, it was better if she didn't. It would be important to see if she and Sousuke could have anything to talk about when they were alone in personal moments.

"Better treat me right, knucklehead. Or, I'll toss you aside like that!" Kaname snapped her fingers. It sounded wimpy and pathetic. She tried again with the same results. Again. And again. "You know what I mean!" Yes. She had the power. If she only accomplished one thing on Christmas Eve, it would be to make certain that Sousuke understood that! "Hmmppff!"

Looking at the dirty pots and dishes, Kaname smirked. Tomorrow night, she wouldn't have to do any dishes… not at dinner, and not at the hotel. That thought in mind, she filled the sink with soap suds and water and began attacking the dinnerware. Before she knew it, she was humming happily. The day she had been waiting for was almost here. She might be nervous, but it was a good kind of nervous. "Please, don't let anything go wrong!"

For a moment, she pictured Sousuke walking alone down town, visiting his favorite bookstore. On Christmas Eve. Having forgotten all about their date. She dropped a plate. It shattered all over the floor, some of the pieces skittering far under the counter. The noise made Kaname jump. "I'll put handcuffs on him and me at the end of school if I have to!" Kaname growled as she reached for her broom. It was her time to do some sweeping. If there was any justice, Sousuke would show up to lend a hand.

The doorbell rang. Kaname dropped the broom. Her heart began pounding. Could it be him? Was it Sousuke? She fought the urge to run to the door. She would maintain her dignity. She looked out through the small security window.

It _was_ Sousuke!

How did she look? She didn't have dishpan hands, did she? Why hadn't she worn her rubber gloves? There wasn't any time to do her hair. Damn him for showing up unannounced! The bell rang again. Kaname took a couple of deep breaths, annoyed at herself for behaving this way. What was wrong with her? It was only Sousuke. Putting on a nonchalant look, she opened the door. "What's up, Sousuke?" She asked, seeing him at the doorstep. Her words stuck in her mouth after that.

The young soldier was dressed in a very nice outfit, with pressed slacks and an expensive looking European style shirt. He wore a fancy watch and had a gold chain around his neck. His shoes were stylish and his belt was just right. He had presents and a card in his arms. Kaname stood staring.

"Kaname, may I come in?" Sousuke's voice was flat. It made Kaname's heart skip a beat. Was something wrong? Had he changed his mind?

"Yes... uh... _sure_... please come in." Kaname looked at Sousuke's face. It was at odds with the clothing he wore. He looked troubled.

"Thank you." It was Sousuke's turn to stand and stare. Kaname wasn't wearing anything special, but he wasn't looking at her outfit. He was looking at her face.

"You look really nice, Sousuke. I hope you're not confused. The date's tomorrow night!" Kaname laughed, hoping to lighten the mood. Sosusuke didn't say anything. Now Kaname was beginning to worry in earnest. "Sousuke? Is something the matter?" He had to say 'No.' He just had to. Kaname wanted to answer for him.

Sousuke merely nodded his head. Kaname tensed up. Her arms were tight against her body, seemingly unable to move. Her mouth opened and closed. "I will not be able to join you tomorrow night, Kaname. I am sorry."

The sound of the breaking plate echoes through Kaname's head again. She imagined her heart breaking this time. She should feel sad, but she didn't. She should be angry too, but she wasn't. She was numb. She didn't want to accept what she just heard. "Wh-Wh-_Why?"_ It was all she could manage.

"I leave by helicopter tonight at 1200 hours. An urgent mission has come up." Sousuke's eyes were filled with sorrow, but Kaname could not see that.

"By their request, or yours?" A little anger had crept into her voice. Rage began to build up, tempered with sorrow and disappointment. Sousuke blinked repeatedly. That barb had obviously hit the mark. Kaname immediately felt guilty. Her rage began to subside as quickly as it had arisen.

"Arbalest is needed. That means I am needed. It is..."

"Duty and obligation?" Kaname's look was one of frustration. Tears welled in her eyes. She clenched her fists. She tried to think before she spoke, but the overwhelming sense of disappointment was too strong. "Is there ever going to be more than that, Sousuke?" Her words started out as sarcasm but ended up as a plea. She turned and looked away from him. She began trembling ever so slightly.

"Yes Kaname, duty." Sousuke spoke quietly. He placed the presents down on Kaname's table. "I do not wish to go. I have no choice. I too looked forward to Christmas Eve." He began to walk towards her, and then stopped. He took a step back. Kaname was silent. Her mind just couldn't handle the turn of events. She had been soaring so high and had fallen so fast. "I asked if I could stay. I cannot. But, they will reimburse you for the money you spent. I could do that much. Perhaps some other..." Sousuke was cut off.

"I see. You could do that much. You break our date... you break my heart... you throw all my hard work out the window... but you got my money back." Kaname couldn't stop the bitterness spilling out of her. This had been too important. She had set her hopes too high. She had allowed herself to be vulnerable again. "Thank you so very much, soldier." The tears were streaming down her cheeks now.

Sousuke now stood silently. He had wondered how Kaname would take things. It looked as if his worse fears were being realized. He didn't know what to do. He had no idea of what to say.

"I think I'd like to be alone now, Sousuke." Kaname could hold back her sobbing for a little while longer. She would be damned if she let Sousuke see her break down.

"Yes, Kaname. But, I am not abandoning you." Sousuke needed to make that point. He knew how Kaname felt about abandonment, given the hard times in her past.

"Aren't you?" Kaname's voice and posture indicated that she was in no mood to be reasonable.

"Kaname, I..."

"Sousuke, please go. I don't want you here, now. I don't know if I want you to come back." Kaname wasn't certain if she spoke the truth, but it might be the best solution. She should have known better to place her faith in a scruffy vagabond soldier. What had she been thinking! She hadn't been thinking!

"As you wish." The words were bittersweet for Sousuke. He thought about one of his favorite movies, _'The Princess Bride.'_ Those words had a special meaning in that film. While it was too soon for him to feel that way about Kaname, her reaction left him feeling somewhat hollow. He started walking towards the door, then stopped. "The gifts on the table are for you. If you can bring yourself to think more kindly of me while I am gone, I hope that you will open them. I would not have brought them if I was rejecting you, Kaname." As he headed out the door, something flew by his head, hit the wall with the sound of breaking glass, then fell to the floor. It was one of the presents. The picture. He went stiff, as if paralyzed.

"You get me a refund. You bring me presents. Do you think that makes everything OK?" Kaname's anger began shoving her grief aside. "I wanted something more than that, or is that too hard for a puppet like you to understand. Go on. The strings are pulling, aren't they? All you have is guns and battles and fighting. You obviously don't have what I need."

The words hit Sousuke hard. He jerked ever so slightly. A ringing filled his ears. "I am sorry you feel that way, Kaname. I would have given you everything I have." Sousuke looked down at the picture, its gift wrapping partly torn. "I gave you my best." With that he left, leaving Kaname's door open and untouched.

Kaname had followed Sousuke's eyes. His words struck a chord in her. Without knowing exactly why, she walked over and picked up the present she had thrown. A few pieces of broken glass fell out onto the floor. When she took the paper off, her mouth fell open. It was the picture of Sousuke's old squad in Afghanistan, one of his most treasured possessions. He had put it in a new and beautiful frame. For her. He was giving it to her. Just as she had wrapped up the scarf for him.

Kaname looked at the picture again. She had first seen it during their time in Khanka. She had spilled her tears upon it in the hospital, thinking she'd never see Sousuke again. It had sat in a place of prominence in Sousuke's room, one of the first things she saw every time she paid him a visit. It was for her. He was giving it to her. Despite what she just did. In spite of what she had said.

'I gave you my best.' He had. And she knew that! Her tears fell on the picture again. How could she have said the things she said? Sousuke wasn't doing things to hurt her purposely. He was doing his job. His life would be at risk. Like the men in the picture, he might never come back. "Who doesn't have what the other one needs?" She whispered, feeling terribly ashamed.

She walked over to the table and carefully set the broken picture down. Staring at the other gifts, her head snapped up. What was she doing standing here while Sousuke was walking home alone, wounded by words he didn't deserve. Kaname's eyes zeroed in on the card. After all of the things that had happened because of that other card, she felt a tremendous compulsion to read this one. _'I need the starshine of your heavenly eyes, after the day's great sun. And if I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I'd walk through a garden forever.'_ The words were so beautiful. They made Kaname feel even worse. Those words. The photograph. The new clothes he wore tonight because he wouldn't be here tomorrow. Coming over to see her. Sousuke had obviously tried hard. He had done his best. That best was more than she had any right to expect. And she couldn't see that until now.

Not taking the time to put her shoes back on, Kaname ran out her door, not bothering to close it. Feeling a growing urgency in her, she would not wait for the elevator. She ran down the stairs faster than a sane person should, sliding down one long straight stretch of railing. Bursting out of the front door of her apartment building, Kaname nearly knocked over an elderly couple out for a stroll. A cat shot up a tree as if it were chased by the very hounds of Hell. The blue-haired girl was oblivious to it all.

"Damn you" Kaname cursed herself. She was feeling sick at heart. She ran until  
she began growing winded. Her throat felt sore. The muscles in her legs were knotting up. She wouldn't slow down, though. Turning one corner, she saw Sousuke. "**Sou-s-s-s-s-kay-y-y-y-y…"** She called out as she ran, slowing down when she saw him stop and turn. Leaning up against a fence momentarily, she looked at him while her breath came in ragged gasps.

He stood still. He did not rush up to see how she was like he normally would do.

"Sousuke... please... wait..." Kaname began walking forward slowly, a little unsteady on her feet. She felt somewhat light-headed. "Please..."

Sousuke began walking towards her. She bowed her head. For some reason, his coming to meet her halfway gave her hope. "Kaname, are you OK? Is there some kind of emergency?" Sousuke looked concerned, not sad. That in itself threatened to bring the tears back to Kaname's eyes.

'Soon to be headed off to who knows where... just hurt by someone unjustifiably... and he's worried about that person. Me. I'm that person'. Sousuke. Who else would ever do that? "Yes, Sousuke." Kaname almost smiled, seeing Sousuke go through his usual routine of surveying the immediate area. "You almost walked away with hearing my apology. That was very inconsiderate of you." Despite her feelings of guilt and shame, Kaname felt some of her spunk returning.

"Kaname?" Sousuke looked incredulous. Kaname almost smiled. She didn't, though. She couldn't. Not yet.

There were a number of minutes of awkward silence. As hard as Kaname tried, she couldn't get the words to come out. Sousuke stood patiently. When Kaname looked up, her eyes looked haunted. "I'm sorry, Sousuke. I'm so sorry." She ran up and threw herself up against a startled Sousuke, Her arms went around his back and locked tight. She placed her face into his chest and began sobbing uncontrollably.

Sousuke did not know what to do. Kaname obviously regretted her earlier words. That made him feel somewhat better. But, he now had a trembling girl latched onto him. What does one do with an inconsolable woman? Buried though they might be, the young soldier did have normal human instincts. He began stroking Kaname's hair with one hand. He placed the other around her waist. His own pain slowly ebbed away. He started to take note of Kaname's sorrow. He was in part to blame. "It is not a problem."

Kaname stopped crying and looked up into Sousuke's face. 'It's not a problem.' Those words seemed like the world to her. He could have said 'I love you, Kaname' and it wouldn't have moved her as much. He didn't hate her. She began to take notice of Sousuke's stroking. Closing her eyes, she enjoyed the feeling, momentarily forgetting why she was standing in the darkness in her stocking feet. When Sousuke stopped, Kaname frowned. "Who told you to stop, soldier?"

"Uh..."

Try as she may, Kaname couldn't make light of the situation. Her conscience would have nothing of it. "I'm sorry, Sousuke." Kaname stepped away from him and bowed. "I'm so ashamed. I will understand if you don't want to speak with me now. I... I..."

"I understand, Kaname. You were upset. Once again I have ruined things for you, even though it was not my intention. But I suppose that does not matter, when you always find yourself miserable because of me." Sousuke looked at the hand that had been caressing Kaname's hair.

Those words struck Kaname square in the heart. "Sousuke... no... it's not your fault. You have a responsibility that would break most men. I should know that by now. You can't blame yourself when I set my expectations too high. It's... I..."

"Kaname..."

"No, Sousuke. Let me finish. I'm selfish. I could only think of what was important to me. A lot of people read will probably die if you don't succeed. I'm not important compared to that. I'm just one person." Kaname began crying again. She shook her head, but the tears wouldn't stop.

"That may be so, Kaname. There was something I read that makes sense to me now. 'To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world.'" Sousuke looked into Kaname's eyes and blushed. Why did he say that? How much did Kaname mean to him?

Kaname looked up slowly, a look of disbelief on her face. "Sousuke?"

Now that the words had spilled out, Sousuke's discomfort grew. "It is cold out here, Kaname. You should have a coat. Shoes also."

She was not about to be distracted now. Not at that moment. Pulling the hair out of her face, she wiped her eyes. "What were you trying to say, Sousuke?" Kaname looked hopeful. Suddenly, her grief and shame melted away. It was as if the earlier events had never happened, or had taken place days ago.

"I... uh... the night air is somewhat cold and chill. Warm clothing would be advisable."

Kaname scowled. She knew Sousuke understood the spirit of her question. She could tell by the uncomfortable look on his face. "Sousuke. You're right. I'm cold, tired, and near freezing. I can't stand out here much longer. So, will you please tell me what you meant?"

Sousuke sighed. He looked away, glancing up at the moon. He ran his hand through his hair. "You are important to me, Kaname."

Somehow, Kaname realized that she wouldn't be able to coax anything more out of Sousuke that night. It could be because of the way she treated him earlier. It could be the setting. Or, he might not be entirely certain of his own feelings. It didn't matter. Those words were more than she deserved. They warmed her up more than any coat would have. "Thank you, Sousuke." Kaname paused until Sousuke looked her in the eyes. "You are important to me too. Very important. That's what I wanted to find out on Christmas Eve… just how important."

"Yes." Sousuke nodded his head. He obviously had the same question.

Both Sousuke and Kaname took a step towards one another, then stopped. It was as if they could read each other's mind. More than anything, Kaname wanted to be kissed. Sousuke had an urge he wasn't certain of. Neither felt comfortable enough forcing things. "I... you... could you come back to my apartment for just a moment, Sousuke? Is there enough time? There is something I really want to give you tonight before you go." Kaname's heart was in her eyes. There was something she needed to do.

"There is still time," Sousuke answered. "I will come."

When the two of them finally made it to their destination, Kaname handed Sousuke a package and a card. She had him open the card first. "I believe in you," Sousuke said, reading. He bowed his head and found it heard to look up again. No one had ever said that to him before in a personal manner. His commanding officers and fellow soldiers believed in his skills and abilities, but not even Melissa or Kurz had spoken words that touched him this much. He sat that way for a while, not knowing exactly what he was feeling. There was a joy he was afraid to acknowledge for the fear that something would come and snatch it away. There was the weight of so many years alone, suddenly feeling heavier than they ever had before.

Kaname watched with an odd mix of happiness and sorrow. She walked over and wrapped her arm around Sousuke's shoulders. "I really do, Sousuke." She leaned her head against his.

"Thank you." If Kaname hadn't been so close, she never would have heard the words.

"Here. It's time to open this." Kaname handed Sousuke the present. "The other's can wait until you get back." Kaname forced herself not to think the word 'if.'

As Sousuke removed the wrapping, Kaname told him about the scarf. She marveled at how the two of them had independently chosen gifts that had such great value to them. "I would like to ask a favor of you, Sousuke."

"Kaname?"

"When you go into battle, will you wear that scarf for me?" Kaname'e eyes were very wide.

"Like a knight wearing a lady's favor?"

"No. If you wear that, I will feel that I am still close to you. Maybe you can feel the same."

Sousuke looked at Kaname, taking note of the look in her eyes. "Yes. I will do that." He hesitated, suddenly knowing what he wanted to say next. The inspiration caught him by surprise. The urge inside him would not give him any peace. But, it was so rash, so unlike him. It might be a mistake. He was afraid of doing things wrong, or making a fool of himself. Especially at a moment like this. "Under one condition," he said, stepping past the point of no return.

"And that is?" Kaname arched an eyebrow.

"Uh..."

_Sousuke..."_

"Uh..."

**"SOUSUKE!"**

"Kaname, there is something I would like to do, but I need your assistance to get it right." Sousuke was sweating. He was teetering on the edge.

"And?"

"I would like to kiss you, Kaname."

Kaname froze. She couldn't believe what she just heard. Her heart began beating wildly in her chest. With her heart stunned, her mischievous part took over . "Maybe when you get back. If you take good care of the scarf." She sniffed loudly. "Big idiot!"

"Uh..."

Kaname threw her arms around Sousuke and kissed him. He was shocked at first, but soon showed that he was an apt pupil. "So, was that wonderful for you too, Sousuke?" Kaname felt like gloating when the embrace broke.

There was a moment where no one spoke. "I will let you know when I get back," Sousuke said.

He was an apt pupil indeed.


	12. Chapter 12

There was nothing visible through the window of the helicopter but inky darkness.

That didn't stop Sousuke from staring out into the night. His vision was turned inward, anyway. Images ran through his mind. He thought about the things he had seen, heard, and said over the past few days. Naturally, Kaname figured prominently.

As he had climbed into the Mithril van, she had waved from her apartment doorstep. Usually she said good bye to him at her apartment door. He could understand why she rode the elevator down with him. He had wanted to spent every possible moment with her, too.

The vibrations throughout the aircraft were minimal, but constant. The moderate noise of the rotor and engines was punctuated by conversations of the support personnel picked up in Japan along with him. Their laughter did nothing to lighten Sousuke's mood. Holiday music playing on a boom box seemed somehow out of place.

Sousuke could still hear Kaname's farewell. Strange, how parting words could make him feel the way he did. 'Sousuke, please be careful. I want you to come back, do you understand? I need you to come back, to me. OK? To me, Sousuke.'

There had been a powerful and compelling insistence in her voice. There was also a painful openness, a sense of fear and longing. She was afraid for him. She cared deeply for him. He had found it very hard to leave. Before, there was no real reason to concern himself about thoughts of returning. If he lived, he lived. If he died, he died. When an assignment or mission was over, he would go where he was ordered. Simple. Now, things were different. Each rotation of the copter blades took him further away from Tokyo. Every passing moment brought him closer to another dangerous undertaking.

"I must not be too concerned about death," he muttered to himself. That would only increase his risk. It was the very reason that samurai used to go into battle considering themselves to be dead already.

Still, he was obsessed with one obvious fact. If he died, he'd never see Kaname again. That thought threatened to become unthinkable. Did their sharing a kiss change him that much? Would his recent revelations make him weaker... stronger... or just more aware? He remembered a Chinese proverb: _'Kissing is like salt water. You drink, and your thirst increases.'_ It was true. Perhaps the same could be said for caring.

The odors in the helicopter were varied and contrasting. The nearest group of men, mechanics working on a project in Japan, no doubt had little time or inclination to deal with personal hygiene. A slender and shapely Intelligence operative was chain smoking cigarettes, sitting as far as possible away from those fragrant workers. The seats in the aircraft were new replacements, carrying the smell of fresh upholstery. Occasionally he caught a faint whiff of the cologne that he had worn that night.

He tried to remember the fresh smell of Kaname's hair. If it had been possible, he would have stood forever breathing in that scent. The memory was fleeting, taunting him. He had less difficulty remembering the taste of her lips. He recalled the flavor her tears had when he kissed her eyes, surprised by his own tenderness.

For a moment, he bounced around in his seat as the helicopter passed through a bit of rough air. His body was not jostled nearly as much as his thoughts had been over the past few hours. The atmospheric disturbance was soon far behind them. His emotions were still churning. Sousuke was flying into the unknown. True, he had no idea what the upcoming mission was, but that was not the great puzzle he wrestled with. For the first time in his life, he questioned what he was doing. As a child on the run, his goal was survival. In the camps of the mujahaideen, he lived for revenge. His purpose seemed clear. After joining Mithril, he embraced the cause of justice, determined to keep evil men from hurting others the way he himself had been hurt.

Kaname had changed that, slowly at first, and then in a great rush this very evening. He had been terribly naïve, ignorant to the fact that a sweet kiss, a longing embrace, and a woman's tears could be more powerful than any weapon he had ever faced. It made no sense, logically. Maybe there was a rational explanation. If there was, it was beyond his grasp. Nevertheless, Sousuke found himself examining his profession. A question slithered up to him, like a great serpent with an apple in its mouth. Wouldn't he like to be a full time student? Might it be wonderful to set aside weapons and take up school books in a permanent arrangement? The apple looked so tempting. Sousuke's jaws ached, having been clenched so tightly. What had gotten into him? He was the same soldier he was one week ago... two months ago... years ago.

_Right?_

For the better part of an hour, he sat still with his eyes closed, breathing in deep slow measured breaths, his mind purposefully blank. When he thought he must have righted his emotional keel, he opened up his eyes and mind again. His thoughts went immediately back to the kiss. The awakening passion had kept the two of them in each other's arms for no more than three minutes, but he had spent many minutes more than that reliving the moment. It filled him with a warmth he had never felt before. It gave him hope. For some reason, he couldn't wait to see Kaname again. He wanted her to be wearing the same clothes. He wanted her to smile the same smile. He wanted the lights to be down low again. He wanted everything to be the same. He wanted another kiss.

Would any woman or girl suffice? Sousuke ran his eyes over the face and body of the Intel operative. She was very attractive. He blushed when she caught his glance and smiled. Quickly, he stared out into darkness again. The woman seemed amused by his look, possibly even flattered. What if she had been interested? It didn't matter to him. A kiss with her would just be the meeting of lips, nothing more.

Even as clueless as he was, Sousuke had more than an inkling of someone who definitely showed interest in him. Captain Testarossa. He remembered her wanting to give him mouth to mouth resuscitation while he lay groggy by the school pool. The thought of his hand accidentally curling around her breast as she slept next to him caused him to sweat. The sight of her shadowy form staring at him under his bed had made him uneasy even then. Unless he was mistaken, Captain Testarossa probably would like to kiss him. She was not unattractive. Indeed, she had the capacity to make him sweat for numerous reasons. But, he had no desire to kiss her in return. She was not Kaname.

"We'll be arriving in fifteen to twenty minutes, folks. De Danaan has given up the green light to approach and land." The voice coming over the intercom helped Sousuke bring his thoughts under control.

He was a soldier. There was a mission brewing. It would do him no good to sit there thinking about Kaname. That would not aid him in his preparations. He had no room for distractions. The difference between life and death, success and failure, would depend on a keen mind and a steady grip.

"Pardon me Sergeant, but may I shake your hand?" An engineer was standing in the aisle near Sousuke's seat. "We all know who you are, and we just want to offer our thanks. When someone like you kicks the enemy's ass, we feel like we helped play a role too." Sousuke shook the offered hand, befuddled. He rarely had a chance to hear how the rank and file of Mithril felt about the men and women who went into combat.

"There's no secret that something' big's comin' up. If you're goin' in, we want ya to know we're rootin' for ya big time!" A mechanic offered his hand as well. Sousuke murmured his thanks and shook that hand as well. When both men had returned to join their buddies, Sousuke sat quietly, flexing the fingers of his gun hand. Yawning a bit, he thought about the things that those two men had felt compelled to say. He had always expected that someone he rescued would feel gratitude towards their savior. It came as a surprise that the support personnel would think highly of him as well.

Did they envy his chance to see action, to feel the heady mix of anxiety and determination, or the fleeting sense of triumph? Or, were they like the fullbacks on a soccer squad, feeling admiration for their striker, happy to be able to win together as a team? Could it be something else altogether?

He _did _play a key role. There was no doubt about that. Missions would succeed or fail depending on the men and women who fought. In effect, he was a star, not a second teamer or benchwarmer. That was reason to be proud, but Sousuke was not one to dwell on pride. He realized all too well that he was saddled with a great responsibility. That had him feeling somewhat guilty. In a world constantly in danger, did he have any right to be thinking about kisses? Would some little girl covered in her mother's blood, wandering lost in a rice paddy, understand why he would rather be holding Kaname than stopping a group of rampaging killers? Would a man and his wife, clinging to one another as they slowly suffocated from toxic gas, forgive him for choosing his own dream over theirs?

"Yeh. That guy back there is Death himself, if I hear right. Natural born fighting machine. I'm sure as Hell glad he's on our side." The words filtered back to Sousuke from the front of the passenger compartment.

"You betcha. _'Kill'em all and let God sort'em out_'_!"_

**"Hell yeh!"**

Sousuke throat tightened. Were those men talking about him? They must be. There was no one else on board this flight who would remotely warrant such a description. Is that what people thought of him? A killing machine, but nothing more? Certainly, Kurz had joked about his prowess in the past. He had said that Sousuke would give the Grim Reaper a run for his money. Melissa had quipped that Death himself better feel uneasy if Sousuke got him in his sights.

Their words had been a sort of praise for a comrade, not a condemnation. Likely, the words he had just heard were meant as more of the same. Nonetheless, the young soldier was blindsided by an errant thought. Was he more suited for bringing death than he was for saving life? Surely his actions did both! The number of people who lived as a result of his actions far outnumbered the tally of those who fell at his hands. But, the actual result of his actions was death and destruction. Everything else was secondary to that.

Could that be why he ran into so much trouble protecting Kaname at school? His destructive tendencies kept looking for an opening while he creative tendencies floundered helplessly? Or was it simply because he was operating in an environment that was totally alien to him? Maybe he just needed time to adjust! It wasn't a meaningless debate. Sousuke Sagara, fifth rider of the Apocalypse, might not be someone Kaname Chidori needed in her life. That fact shone forth like a blazing light, no matter how much Sousuke might wish otherwise. On the other hand, Sousuke Sagara, butterfly in the chrysalis, might be someone suitable for her. Who knows what he might become, if he was given a chance to grow and mature in a constant environment?

Which was he? How could he hope to find out? Was it right for him to dream about Kaname before he was certain? An image of Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin formed in his mind. He remembered something his commander had told him, about his assignment to Jindai High School. It would be an opportunity to experience things he had been denied in the past. It would be a chance to see the other side of the coin and to face the other side of the sword. Those words had been little more than a curiosity, then.

Sousuke sighed. This was hard! Wondering about life was so much more complicated than preparing for death. Feelings could be a burden, not simply a goad or a spur. His anger had pushed him to levels in combat that most men would never reach. His fear had honed his physical and mental reflexes to razor sharpness. His sadness had pulled Death's sting, keeping him from valuing life fully and dreading the alternative. Now, he found himself wondering about happiness, and whether it might be attainable for a young fighter with his singular past.

He was like many teenagers, faced with a multitude of questions and issues. But, he seemed to be confronted with them all at once. He didn't have the luxury of facing them one at time, gradually. His head suddenly feel as if it might explode.

Without knowing precisely why, his thoughts turned to Captain Testarossa. He began to have an understanding of what she must be faced with. No doubt she had many of the feelings Kaname and other girls had, perched on the edge of adulthood. Most girls would have opportunity to interact with their peers, both boys and girls, dealing with whatever came as a result. Tessa didn't have that opportunity.

Her reaction towards him began to maker sense. It was something to think about. Why was she willing to make such a sacrifice? If he were called upon to do the same, would he do so willing? Was that indeed inevitable? If so, was it wise to pursue his knew and confusing feelings for Kaname?

He thought about the kiss.

The helicopter began descending rapidly. Sousuke buckled his harness. Looking out his window, he saw a set of lights suddenly go on. The TDD-1. He was almost there.

On others occasions, this view had filled him with a sense of home and safety. Now, he wasn't certain exactly what he was feeling. True, there was a sense of excitement. He would see Kurz and Melissa again. But, there was something new... an aura of foreboding... a taste of claustrophobia.

He pictured a trained falcon, and the hoods that it wore. It was an irrational thought, one which served no good purpose. He must banish such things. He was a soldier. It was time to go to work.

The sounds of claxons filled his ears moments before the helicopter set down with a heavy thump. He gathered up his belongs and tried to stow away his thoughts. Looking out the window as the blades began to slow down, he saw Kurz and Melissa waiting. The former could barely confine his glee. The latter looked somewhat subdued.

Why did that worry him?

There was also an aide holding up a large blue paddle, a signal that someone had an important message. There was a large '7' attached to it. The message was for him. No doubt someone required his presence. His best guess would be Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin or Captain Testarossa.

When the stairway was lowered, he shouldered his bag and walked down the ramp. The moment his foot touched the steel deck of the submarine, he felt self-conscious. It had taken considerable effort to leave Kaname. He hadn't thought about changing out of his civilian clothes.

"Sgt. Sagara." The aide met Sousuke as he stepped out of the way of the helicopter crew. "I have a message for you."

"Thank you."

"You are to see Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin as soon as possible. After that, you will wait in the medical area for Captain Testarossa."

"Yes."

Sousuke's thoughts rushed in, each looking for attention. Did the Lt. Commander want to go over mission parameters, or might he wish to discuss Sousuke's behavior on the radio? Why the medical area? Did his recent actions cause someone to decide that he needed physical or psychological assessment?

Those thoughts would have to wait. Kurz pushed his way rudely through the milling crowd of personnel, his eagerness an almost a palpable thing. The twinkle in his eye and the lopsided smile on his face made little sense given the huge shiner surrounding one eye and the pronounced limp.

Melissa followed closely behind him. Without knowing why, everyone near her quickly stepped out of her path. It was almost as if the air around her was charged with electricity.

"Sousuke, old chum. It's good to have you back." Kurz slapped the younger soldier on the back. "But, as I understand it, you probably won't be so happy!" Kurz smiled. He was bleeding from one area of his gums.

"Uh..."

"I'm sorry, Sousuke. It was unintentional. He..." Melissa's words came out in a rush, then stopped as she shook her head.. That was uncharacteristic of her. Why did she look so put out? What had Kurz done this time? Why was she apologizing to him?

An idea occurred to him. He began to sweat.

"Let's save the 'how' and the 'why' for later, why don't we? I'm much more interested in the 'what.'" Kurz looked directly into Sousuke's eyes, ready to read any reaction his squad mate might have. "I understand that our little boy might be on the verge of becoming a man." A number of people around Kurz began to chuckle knowingly. Obviously, whatever Kurz was implying was not a secret limited to him and the Sgt. Major.

"Kurz! Sousuke is supposed to go see Kalinin. He doesn't need this right now. I'll risk putting you in the infirmary if you don't leave him alone." Melissa took a step back, lining up the angle for a good punt.

"It's OK, Sis. He's a big boy now. And from what I hear, he doesn't want to be alone. Well, maybe just him… a certain foxy young lady... and a Love Hotel. _Oh yeh!"_

"**SHUT UP**, Weber!" Melissa's anger grew when she saw the surrounding people break out in grins and start whispering. Kurz backed out of her range. Or so he had thought.

"You should have seen how fast Melissa ran Sousuke, wanting to bring me the good news about our clueless companion. The only time I've seen her run that fast was when she wanted me so much that she..._oooopppphhhh!"_

A boot caught Kurz firm in the abdomen. Still, when he straightened up, he was smiling. Sousuke looked shocked. Not by the discovery of his secret. That hadn't sunken in completely yet. Had Melissa broken his confidence?

"That's _not_ how it happened, Sousuke. The son of a bitch tapped the com line. If I decide to tell Tessa or the old man about that, punching bag here may end up doing some time in the brig."

Kurz' smile fell away and hit the floor with a crash. "Babe, you _wouldn't..." _His voice was pleading.

"You're right, asshole. With you, the operative phrase is 'I wouldn't.' But I _would_ turn you in, if you don't tone it down. It might teach you a lesson. Finally!

Kurz' look was frantic. First of all, there were preparations well under way that might end up getting him skinned. His gaze went to large areas of the hangar walls, covered with huge white tarps. Second, Melissa had turned to one of the nearby mechanics and asked "Can I borrow that wrench for a minute?" He took off running.

Melissa handed the wrench back. Turning to Sousuke she said "I'm really sorry, Sousuke… about Kurz finding out, and about your being called back in. Those clothes. I take it you saw Kaname tonight?"

Sousuke was not surprised by Melissa's keen eye or her deductive abilities. He wondered just how much she could see by watching him. "Yes."

"I thought as much. Did it hurt a lot to leave her?" Melissa was being a friend, not his squad leader.

Sousuke nodded his head mutely.

"First kiss?" She looked as if she already knew the answer.

"Affirmative."

"I'm glad. She's a nice girl. And, as I've been trying to tell you, there's something special about a young Arm Slave pilot we both know. _Right?" _Melissa nudged Sousuke in the gut with her elbow. For a brief moment, he felt as if she were the sister he never had a chance to see grow up. Sousuke didn't answer. Melissa looked somewhat cross. "Right, Sergeant?"

"Yes, Sergeant Major." Sousuke knew the correct answer to give, he just didn't know if he believed it.

"Will it be a problem on this mission, Sergeant?" Melissa's voice and tact changed abruptly. She was back to being his superior.

"I... don't think so... but...I am not certain."

Melissa was no stranger to mixed emotions before a battle. She had no trouble remembering some of the Hells she had put herself through in the past. It was risky business, emotions---for the one with them, and the ones who fought by his or her side. She was obviously concerned about his mental and emotional condition. It was an appropriate concern in someone responsible for the safety of others. Sometimes the chain is indeed no stronger than the weakest link.

It didn't sound as if she was personally concerned that Sousuke was getting closer than he should to the girl he was assigned to protect. Other members of the organization might take a more critical view, however. That was something to consider later, or as the need arose. "You better become certain!" Melissa saw the difficulty in that necessity, but it was the only thing she could say. "It better _not_ be a problem. We don't have the luxury to wait for you to grow up... is that understood?"

**"Affirmative!" **Sousuke stood at full attention. His heart was pounding. All of his previous thoughts were descending on him again, like hawks coming down after conies.

"Good. Then get your sorry ass over to the old man's cabin. He can't be too happy, being kept waiting this long. You missed the preliminary briefing. See me when you're done. I'll go over anything he fails to mention." Melissa turned to go.

"I cannot," Sousuke said with some hesitation. "I have been given orders to report to the infirmary after that. I am to meet with Captain Testarossa."

The look in Melissa's eyes when she turned around was unnerving. There had been a brief hint of fear, followed by uncharacteristic uneasiness. "I didn't think they..." She stopped, closing her mouth in a tight line. "Why are you still standing here? Jump, soldier!"

Sousuke jogged out of the hangar, heading for Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin's office. Why had Melissa been worried? There was something she didn't want to speak about.

_What? _


	13. Chapter 13

The walk to school felt as if it took forever.

Out of habit, Kaname kept turning around to see why Sousuke was hanging back, tired of hearing that he was preserving his field of fire. "Big idiot! Moron! Jerk!" He wasn't there. She knew that already. It still hurt. Memories teased her as she walked by various landmarks.

**The crack in the pavement over there? **

She had kicked Sousuke betwixt wind and water after he told her he had forgotten to do his part of their tandem assignment. He apologized. There had been a Godzilla marathon on. "I'm sorry, Sousuke."

**The forked tree by the fire hydrant?**

He had pushed her to the ground when the ice cream man peddled his cart by, thinking he was headed straight for her. His flying tackle had upended the cart and sent the man in for stitches. Kaname had put three ice cream bars down his shirt and one down his pants. She smacked him when he stuttered, asking if it was an indication that their relationship was becoming more intimate. "I miss you, Sousuke."

**That broken fence post by the dumpster?**

It hadn't been broken before she had thrown Sousuke against it repeatedly. He had told her that he had prevented Kurz, Shinji, and Onuki from seeing her and the other girls naked at the Onken. She had smiled and asked if he had peaked, knowing it would make him blush. He merely said 'Why' in typical Sousuke fashion. Of course, Kaname's response would have been the same for 'Yes,' but at least that answer would have made her secretly feel good. "I hope you'll be OK, Sousuke."

Other places and things triggered nostalgic feelings in her. Just a week ago, the same memories might have caused her to growl or shake her fist. Not any more. Not after last night. Bit by bit, over the last few months, she had admitted the truth to herself. Last night, she had to chance to see if she was right. She was.

Kaname stopped and stared. The wind had begun to pelt her with rain. Soon, the clouds would open up. She had forgotten a number of things this morning, including her umbrella. That wasn't what bothered her. Up ahead, he saw a boy open his umbrella for a girl. She snuggled close to him, unconcerned about showing affection in public.

Where was Sousuke now? Was he thinking about her?

The wind blew something against her leg. She blinked repeatedly, frowning moments before the wind took it away. It had been a wrapper. A Christmas Cake wrapper. Her dreams for tonight had blown away just like that paper had. That didn't matter. Any night could be Christmas Eve, if Sousuke returned alive and unharmed. He would still care, right? That hadn't been an illusion last night, had it?

He had shown up at her door, looking so handsome. Her heart had soared. Then, the truth came crashing down on her. He had to leave before their date. She had been so terribly disappointed. The words she said to Sousuke still threatened to bring tears to her eyes now. She had thrown that present at him, stunned to see what it was after he left.

Her heart racing, she had run like an escapee from an asylum, needing to catch him before he was gone. They went back to her apartment to share what little time he had left. He accepted the scarf. Then he shocked her. He said he wanted to kiss her, but was obviously too hesitant to make the move. She took care of that. They had melted into one another, not wanting to let go. She had watched him leave, not knowing when she might see him again.

Yes. That had been real. It just seemed like something out of a dream. How she wanted to have his arms around her again, if only for a moment. "Get a hold of yourself, girl. You know what happens if Kyouko and the others get wind of this." Yes. Kyouko and her camera. Ryo with her sighs and rolling eyes. Maya and her rush to tell anyone who would listen. Mizuki with her snide remarks. That wasn't the kind of thing she was in the mood for. Not by a long shot. But, there were worse things in the world than having ones secret get out. She wasn't the one going into battle. There was little chance that she would be shot, blown up, or torn to pieces today. Right?

She felt uncomfortable, almost naked. Sousuke wasn't here to protect her.

Not long ago she would have been cursing the fact that he had turned her life inside out and upside down, claiming she could take care of herself. She wouldn't have been entirely incorrect suggesting that she was in more danger from his crazy stunts than she was from any potential enemy. "_Sheeesh,_ don't get all maudlin."

_Right!_

She was Kaname Chidori, after all. She lived alone, without a parent, guardian, or siblings. She had done more than just get by, she had thrived. She was the poster girl for strength, perseverance, and unquestionable success. There was not a single person she could think of who could claim such things. The mental pep talk sounded great. There was only one problem. The past was the past. This was something knew. She had never felt this way about someone before. She didn't know if she would ever feel this way again.

She danced circles around a specific word. It was frightening. It had the potential to disrupt her world as much as exploding shoe boxes, clothes- hungry bacteria, or kidnappings by madmen and megalomaniacs. Love. Her feelings could be love. How could she be certain? Girls were always saying they loved this boy or that boy. Did they all feel the way she did? Was this just a school girl crush? And what about that no good clueless otaku? Did he feel the same way? Would he ever? _Could _he? After all that he had been through in his life, could Sousuke even feel love? Would he recognize it, if it didn't show up in a manual or mission briefing?

Kaname wanted to be held again. She wanted to be kissed again. But, at that moment, she realized one thing: what she wanted most was to be loved. Not just protected. Loved. Treasured. Put ahead of everything else. Was it Sousuke who made her feel this way? Or, had she been long overdue, and he just happened to be the one there when her heart finally broke free of its restraints? How would she know?

"Hey, Ka-naaaa-_mayyyyyy_..." A chipper voice called out to her from the school gateway. It was Kyouko. "Hurry up. You're almost late. The peppy girl walked down the front school walkway, joining her friend. "Where's Sousuke? I don't see him anywhere. They removed all the bushes out front after the last episode." Kyouko scanned the area, looking for a familiar form. "Did you two have a big fight again?" The way that Kyouko said that almost made her sound eager. Fights gave a chance for reconciliation. Reconciliation could lead to other things.

"No. He had to go away again. Something with the family business. That's all." Kaname tried to smile. She couldn't.

"**Oh!** But _Kaname,_ why do you look so sad, then? Do you miss him? Was he supposed to go somewhere with you tonight?" Kyouko no longer sounded mischievous. She hadn't seen Kaname look like this for some time.

Kaname thought about lying. She couldn't. Somehow, that would seem like dishonoring Sousuke. She nodded her head.

"**_Where!_** You have to tell us where!" Maya walked up. She had caught the end of the conversation, but hadn't picked up on Kaname's mood yet.

"I just _knew_ that card was something special. Come on girl, don't hold anything back." Ryo joined the group as well, following them down the hallway. "Is it a gun shop? Military supply depot? Missile testing range? How else would you get him to say 'yes'?"

Maya and Ryo laughed until they saw Kyouko's face. "Where is Sousuke?" Maya asked, somewhat more subdued. She looked around, certain she must have missed Kaname's dependable shadow.

"Not... here..." Kyouko answered for her friend, trying to get the others to let the matter drop.

"The guy probably blew her off!" It was Misuki. She had long since gotten over her grudge over Shirai. Just the same, she enjoyed making wisecracks at Kaname's expense. "It would be bad enough to be rejected by any boy; but, to be rejected by Sagara? _Geeez!"_  
Nobody laughed. Kaname clenched her fists. There was a tightening in her throat.

"Sagara did _what_ to Kaname?" Tsubaki Issei stood next to Misuki. The doe-eyed look she gave him made him gulp and move across the hallway. He took up a fighter's stance. His eyes were intense. He too looked for the absent young soldier. "He has made some personal promise to Kaname, and then broken it? That _loser!_ We have all known that he is an unfeeling bastard. They shouldn't even let someone like that in this school. If I..."

There was a loud noise. Everyone stood stunned. Kaname had slapped the leader of the karate club. "If you were half the man Sousuke was, you would be twice the man you'll ever be." Kaname's voice cracked. "Who are you, to talk about what he is or isn't?" The sudden loss of control had been bad enough. For a moment, she felt a near uncontrollable urge to tell them all about Mithril and Sousuke. She wanted them to see him as she did. It had been a close thing. Much too close.

Tsubaki stood stammering. He looked at Kaname as if he had never seen her before. At that moment, there was no sign of his crush on her. Kaname turned to look at Mizuki. "Anyone else have something bad to say about Sousuke?" Mizuki just opened and closed her mouth like a fish.

Kaname walked on alone to class. At one point she stopped to lean up against a water cooler, trembling. Just what had gotten into her? She took a number of deep breaths and continued on her way, realizing that her friends were walking behind her silently, giving her space. It wasn't the first time that any of them had made light of Sousuke. It wasn't even the first time someone had put him down while he was away on a mission. But today, Kaname wasn't about to let anyone belittle someone who would be risking his life to make a better world, while he or she sat back cozy and safe. "Sousuke."Her whisper fell off of her lips as she looked at his empty desk.

After sitting down in her chair, Kaname looked at the world map hanging on the wall. Where was Sousuke headed? How was Mithril involved? Why the need for that Lambda Driver? That stupid machine had saved his life once, with her help. Now it seemed to be a ready made excuse to pull Sousuke away from her. Black technology was responsible for that device. The secrets had been gotten from the Whispered… from people like her.

A hand came down on her shoulder. Kyouko's. Her friend looked concerned. "I'm sorry, Kaname. I shouldn't have said so much. If you want to talk later, I'll listen. If you need help, I'll do whatever I can."

Kaname squeezed Kyouko's hand and nodded her head. She couldn't speak. Maya and Ryo walked by her desk, tapping it very lightly, their shared signal for 'I'm sorry.'

"I don't want to pry, Kaname. If you need anything, just ask." Ren face was an island of serenity. Kaname felt gratitude rising up within her. She had good friends. She was very fortunate. She needed friends now.

As the school day went on, Kaname felt her grit and determination returning. She began to shake off the insidious malaise that threatened to smother her usual vibrant personality. By the third class, she had even managed a laugh. At lunch, she was almost her old self.

She continued to think about Sousuke. He was probably the strongest person she knew or had ever known. That was saying something, given her mother's courageous fight against cancer, and her father's painful task of keeping the family together. It was funny how she hadn't really seen him all was until now. Things she purposely ignored or sneered at before now seemed remarkable. She no longer found herself wishing he would change. In some ways, she wished she could be more like him.

Was that love speaking? Or, had her view of things simply become less self-centered? Staring out the cafeteria window, Kaname thought back to the previous night. She smiled, thinking about Sousuke's card_. 'I need the starshine of your heavenly eyes, after the day's great sun. And if I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I'd walk through a garden forever.'_ The big idiot! He probably didn't even know what that meant. She would teach him, though! He would be back. She refused to think otherwise. If he finished the journey on a commercial airliner again, she'd be waiting for him at the airport. If not, she'd sit outside his door. Her own card spoke truly. She _did_ believe in him. It was important he realized that. But, it was more than that. He needed to realize just how much he meant to her.

"Jerk." She smiled, until she realized she had spoken out loud.

"What?" Ryo looked shocked.

"Oh. Sorry! I wasn't paying attention. I was thinking about something else." Kaname blushed.

No one said anything. They looked at Kaname... at each other... and then at Kaname again. She knew exactly what they were thinking. No one was about to mention Sousuke's name after the episode in the hallway. "Yes," Kaname said. "Sousuke."

"Really?" "What happened?" "Are the two of you dating?" "How long?" "Did you get him a manual?" "How about a diagram?" "Do you have plans for tonight?" "Did he do anything special?" "Did he do anything... you know... Sousuke-like?" "Tell us!" Kaname's words had opened the floodgates. Questions spilled out of her friends before she had a chance to answer a single one. She sat a moment, just looking from friend to friend. For some reason, she suddenly felt like talking about Sousuke. Talking about him would almost make it seem as if he were there.

"OK... OK..." Kaname tossed her hair and grinned. "One at a time..."

The girls all slid their chairs closer to hers. "Give us the scoop, girl. All of it!" Ryo was leaning so far forward, that she almost fell out of her chair.

"Well…" Kaname fluffed her hair. "Not all of it…" She winked, knowing it was like shooting fish in a barrel.

"You _have_ to!" "We're your friends." "You owe us, girlfriend!" "We'd do the same." "You bet!"

Kaname took out her hairbrush. She began with slow long strokes, humming to herself.

"Ka-naaaa-_maaaaay_..."

"Oh. Did you all think I meant _today?"_ Kaname reached inside of her purse for her nail file. She had to fight to keep from laughing. The looks on their faces had been precious. "Alright. Let's see. Where should I start?" Her friends leaned forward again. "How about this finger?" She began filing down a rough nail.

"**_Oooooooooh_**..." That sound came from everyone at the table except her.

"OK. No more jokes. Sousuke and I..." Kaname was interrupted by a voice coming over the P.A.system.

**"WILL MISS KAMAME CHIDORI PLEASE REPORT TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE. THERE IS AN IMPORTANT PHONE CALL FOR YOU. I REPEAT, WILL MISS CHIDORI PLEASE COME TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE."**

For a moment, Kaname sat stunned. An important phone call? Only one thing came to mind immediately. Mithril, calling her about Sousuke. Calling to say... to say... to say … 

_No!_

It couldn't be that. It had to be something other than that. Anything but that. She was oblivious to the look her friends turned on her. She never heard the quips that some jokers at other tables made at her expense. When she was able to stand, she began walking sedately, with as much dignity as she could muster. When the lunch room doors swung closed behind her, she started walking faster. Before she knew it, she was jogging. She almost knocked over a secretary, running through the office door. She stopped outside the Principal's office. She froze.

**"WILL MISS KANAME CHIDORI PLEASE REPORT TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE"**

The woman using the overhead system hadn't seen Kaname walk in. Another secretary pushed a button on her intercom. "She's here," she said. Moments later, the Principal opened her door and motioned Kaname inside. She pushed a button on her phone and passed the handset to the younger woman.

Kaname swallowed. "H-Hello?"

"Kaname, I'm glad they would let you out of class." It was her father. Why was her father calling now? He usually called once per week on Saturday or Sunday. This was the first time he had called her at school. Kaname went tense. Could something have happened to Ayame? Was something wrong with her father?

"I... I was at lunch, Daddy."

"Oh, I see. I hope it wasn't something really good. But, I wanted to reach you as soon as I could. I only now got out of session. What I wanted..."

"Is Ayame, alright? Are you OK, Daddy?" Kaname never interrupted her father. She couldn't help herself. It was bad enough worrying about Sousuke.

"Yes, Kaname. We're both fine. In fact, each of us is looking forward to seeing you. That's why I called. You're booked on a five o'clock flight tonight. First class. Your Principal will kindly let you out of school early."

"B-B-But why... this is so sudden... there are exams coming up... I mean..." Kaname was sorely puzzled. This wasn't like her father. If he ever got wind of her even taking a single day off of school, he'd have her packaged in a crate and shipped to New York to finish school there.

"Is there anything wrong with a father wanting to see his daughter over the holidays? Ayame's been feeling very down lately, thinking about your mother at this time of year. It would do her a world of good to see you." There was truth in what her father was saying, but Kaname knew him too well. He was keeping something from her. He was a consummate politician, but he had slipped for just a moment. A single inflection. He was worried about something.

"No that's wonderful, but..."

"There will be no 'buts,' Kaname." Her father's voice suddenly went very stern. "There will be no arguments. You will be on that plane. After you hang up, go home and pack anything you might want for at least a five day visit."

"I...but...what..."

Her mind was spinning. She was beginning to get very tense. The words echoed in her ears. 'At least a five day visit.' Her father was a master of exactitude. He usually had visits planned down to the very last minute.

"I said no 'buts,' and I meant no 'buts.' If need be, I can call some one at the consulate's office in Tokyo and have them escort you to the airport. When that plane leaves the country, you are going to be on it, conscious or unconscious, in the luggage compartment if necessary. Do I make myself clear?" There was no mistaking it. Her father was worried. Terribly worried. He almost never used threats. What was going on? 'When that plane leaves the country.' Why did he want her out of Japan? There was no sense in arguing.

"As you wish, Father." Even to herself, her voiced sounded solemn. She felt as if her freedom was being revoked. "Have you made arrangements with the Principal, or should I do that now?"

"I've taken care of all that. Please, don't be upset. You haven't done anything wrong. This should be a happy visit. You'll get here on Christmas Day. We have a tree. Presents. There will even be a turkey. I doubt you've had turkey since you came back to Japan. Ayame's been working hard, learning some holiday music on the violin."

"It sounds wonderful, Daddy. Really, it does." Kaname didn't want her father to think she didn't want to see him. She did. But, she would have hoped for better circumstances. If Mithril needed to contact her, what would they do? She had never told her father about that organization. He didn't even know that she was Whispered. How could he even know what that meant? She would have to leave word at the safe house. If Mithril could build super subs and Lamba Drivers, no doubt they could find a way to deliver a covert message if need be.

What about Sousuke? If he made it home before she did, she wouldn't be there waiting for him. But, the matter was out of her hands.

"Good. Very good. Promise me you will be on that plane..."

"Yes, Daddy. I promise." When she hung up the phone, Kaname thanked the Principal and went to speak briefly with her next teacher. She sought out Kyouko and the others, telling them where she would be going. They looked worried, and she had no way to honestly reassure them.

"You don't think he wants you to go back for good, do you Kaname?" Kyouko's question caught Kaname by surprise. She had never considered that angle. But, did that possibility make any sense? She knew that her father could do that any time he wanted, without resorting to an elaborate facade.

"No, I don't think so, Ky. This is very much out of the ordinary, so I can't say what's going on. He said that he and my sister are fine, and I just hope that's true."

"I hope so too, Kaname." Kyouko looked close to tears.

"Me too!" Ryo gave Kaname a quick hug.

"Call, if you can." Maya squeezed her friend's hand.

Kaname stood looking at her friends. For a moment, she was worried about them. Why did her father want her out of the country? What was urgent enough to pull Sousuke into action? Was there a connection? Or, had Sousuke gotten her to start thinking too much like him?

One thing was certain. This was not what she had hoped for on Christmas Eve.


	14. Chapter 14

"I trust you had a good flight, Sergeant?"

Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin held his arm out towards a chair, offering Sousuke the opportunity to sit.

"Yes, Sir." The answer was physically true. He was still somewhat weary, but that was from his emotional ordeal.

"Please, be seated." The white-haired Russian watched as Sousuke sat down. "There are a number of matters to discuss, the most significant of which is the upcoming mission. I would like to start off by saying that we did not remove you on a whim. There were no ulterior motives in mind." The older gentleman's eyes were steely and intense.

"Sir, I would not expect such. I understand where Mithril's priorities lay. And, I trust you implicitly." Sousuke was being honest. He broke eye contact briefly before making his next statement. "I believe I also know why you may be stating that up front.

"Good. What I say next is for your ears only. It is no doubt something that you have considered yourself." Kalinin rubbed his beard, determined to make his point despite the fact that some amongst his superiors might take it as a betrayal or tipping of possible future hands. "There are those in the organization that think that guarding one Whispered girl is not worth the cost of a uniquely qualified soldier. I say this for one particular reason, Sergeant." Kalinin sat back and folded his hands. He wanted Sousuke's assessment.

"As long as I willingly go where I am assigned... without making waves... those people will have no reason to act. The Lambda Driver is crucial for Arbalest. Arbalest is crucial for missions against similar technology. I am crucial for Arbalest and the Lambda Driver." Sousuke knew that all too well. But, before, he didn't feel like a caged lion or a performing monkey.

"Correct. I would hasten to add that it is in your best interest not to say anything that might raise question of a conflict of interests. It would also be wise not to do anything that might hinder your interface with the Black Technology. Emotional stability and control will be prerequisites. Especially given some things you are not privy to yet." The unconscious emphasis on 'some things' sounded somewhat ominous.

"Yes, Sir. It is in my better interest to merely be a soldier. It is not enough to be discrete." Sousuke swallowed. His jaw clenched. His thoughts went immediate to Kaname. His mind was in the mood to be perverse. He thought about the kiss again. Was his life taking its old path. Did he finally discover something meaningful, only to have fate rush in and carry it away?

Kalinin rested his chin on his hands, staring at the younger soldier. He did not miss the change in Sousuke. He knew more about the young man than anyone else alive. He himself had been through difficult and conflicting domestic situations as an inexperienced soldier, and later as a grizzled and savvy fighter. He thought back the time when his wife was still alive and when his children were still young. It had been too long since he had a chance to see his son and daughter. "No. It is not that simple, Sergeant. You are not merely a soldier, no matter what you may think at times. In addition, those of us who tend to be more visionary recognize the fact that you have not reached your full potential as a warrior. There are particular areas you are deficient in. They have to do with your social skills and emotional awareness."

"I have begun to realize that, Sir." Sousuke wondered what good emotion awareness was to a fighter. Would it help him pilot the ARX-7? Improve his aim or bolster his nerve? Make him unstoppable at hand to hand combat?

"But you are wondering how any of that will prove useful?" The Lt. Cmdr. Had correctly predicted his younger companions thoughts.

"Affirmative."

"When there is time, I will give you a book I once found useful. Suffice it to say, we all have emotions, unless we are dead. We may not be aware of them. Repression and suppression are powerful forces, and are neither our friends nor our enemies. It does us no good to be slaves to out feelings, or to ignore them altogether. Your feelings are not new, Sergeant. But, they may seem that way to you now that you have allowed yourself to take notice of them."

"I see. That would explain what I have experienced. The effect was overwhelming at first, but I believe I have things under control." That was what Sousuke's intellect thought. His intuition and emotions had a different opinion.

"Very good. I will be blunt. Generally, it is poor policy to permit an operative to develop feelings for the one he is assigned to protect. A number of tragedies have occurred in the past, in this organization and in armed forces and intelligence agencies across the globe."

"I understand, Sir." Sousuke couldn't keep the disappointment out of his voice. His eyes gave clear indication of how he was feeling.

Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin raised one eyebrow. It was as close as he would come to smiling. It was good to see a hint of positive emotions in his young subordinate. The young man had been through so much. It wasn't right for Mithril to expect him to give up things that everyone else took for granted. The same thing could be said for their Captain, despite what Cmdr. Mardukas might think. "In this case, however, I can see some benefits that outweigh the concerns." He watched Souske's face closely. The look in Sousuke's eyes indicated that he was aware of the scrutiny.

"Sir?" Sousuke sat up straighter. He gripped the arms of his chair. He would not have to contemplate losing Kaname? A relationship was permitted, if not officially encouraged?

"We don't have time to discuss that issue now, Sergeant. I just wanted to broach the subject so that I can probe a bit further. You will understand why, later." Kalinin tapped his hand against a number of folders. Mission reports and preliminary plans. Sousuke nodded his head. "Unless I miss my guess, you wore those clothes tonight for Miss Chidori's benefit?" The Lt. Cmdr. Spoke very casually.

"Yes, Sir." He hadn't bothered to stop by his apartment and change. He had ample clothing aboard the TDD-1.

"And you two spent time together, such that you either had no time to change, or your thoughts were preoccupied." Kalinin was dead on target again.

"Correct, Sir." Sousuke felt as if his one time foe could read his mind.

"Was this because you had plans for tomorrow night? Plans that this mission ruthlessly torpedoed?" The burly Russian didn't show any sign of sorrow or discomfort. He was a soldier. While he might be able to commiserate with his subordinate, one simple fact remained. The young man was a soldier too.

"Yes." Sousuke tried not to feel crestfallen. He failed. The idea of time alone with Kaname in an intimate setting had at first confused him. Later, it began to frighten him. Finally, he had begun to feel curious. When he knew he would not be able to accompany her, he wished more than anything else that he could.

"I had surmised as much from your radio conversation. And, it would appear that the rumors were true." Lt. Kalinin's eyes narrowed. "You realize that such unguarded speech does you no good?"

**_"Affirmative!"_** Sousuke spoke in a great rush. His face reddened. "I do, Sir. I did not rush into things without following protocol. I was discrete in my search for advice. The person I confided in no doubt kept my confidence. Neither of us had reason to suspect a serious breech in security. I cannot believe that she would break my trust, personally or professionally."

"So, you suspect a wire-tap?" Kalinin scowled. He would not condone any misuse of equipment, whatever the reason.

Sousuke blinked repeatedly. It was as good as saying "Yes!"

"I will not probe further, now. Someone will no doubt find his or herself on the wrong end of my boot, when the time is right. They will understand that they may one day be on the unfavorable end of a firing squad if they pull such a stunt again. You need not mention Sgt. Weber's name at this time." Sousuke blinked again. Kalinin nodded his head. "It is unfortunate that our positions do not allow for us to speak as comrades or old friends, Sergeant. That is how I would prefer to address the following questions. I trust you will not believe that I am prying into your personal affairs for no reason."

"No, Sir!"

"Commendable. Are you and Miss Chidori romantically involved?" It was plain that Kalinin expected the answer to be 'Yes.' What he was after was the details.

"Uh..." Sousuke began to sweat. His hand twitched. Kalinin narrowed his eyes. "I believe so, Sir. I wouldn't have thought so before... uh... we..." The Lt. Cmdr. Began drumming his fingers on the desk top. "...Kissed."

"I see." For a moment, Kalinin was almost incredulous, thinking that the young man was getting all tied up in knots by a simple kiss. Then, he put things in perspective. For Sousuke, that kind of kiss would be far from simple. There was no telling what he might be feeling or thinking, given the prior life he was forced to live. There was dead silence. The Lt. Cmdr. brushed off his sleeve, asking his next question in an off the cuff manner. Sousuke's response would be instructive. "Did that lead to sexual intercourse?"

Sousuke sat stunned. He looked like a rabbit ready to run. His eyes also looked calculating for a moment. "N-No, Sir!"

Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin was often thought to be a dour man. He was not. He was professional through and through. He was reserved. Still, this was one of those rare instants where it was difficult for him to keep from laughing. "I see. No need to rush things. It will give you something to look forward to. You and her, both."

"Uh..."

"Trust me, Sergeant."

"Yes, Sir!" Sousuke was sweating heavily.

"That is my unofficial response, Sergeant. You have given me the information I needed. That being so, let me give you some advice. You have duties to Mithril that must always come first. You have a debt to the organization that you will continue to repay through the excellent and selfless service you provide. But, you also have a dept to yourself. And, if you truly have feelings for the young lady, you have a responsibility to her as well." Kalinin made a steeple of his hands.

"Sir?"

"Pay attention, Sergeant. You may take this as an order if you like, or the advice of someone who is looking out for your best interests. Do not get caught up with being a soldier, when your mission priorities are not in conflict with your personal ones. Your life is one of uncertainty. There is no telling when the end might come, or when you might be reassigned permanently." Kalinin had seen countless comrades come and go.

"I understand, Sir."

"Opportunities may be fleeting. You need to understand that in your heart as well as your head. However, you must also be careful not to rush ahead precipitously. Your tendency to do that in other matters has brought the Finance Department close to burning you in effigy." Kalinin had read through numerous missives from disgruntled paper pushers and bean counters.

"Yes, Sir!" This was not the first time that Sousuke had been informed of his reputation.

"The Legal Department wanted to burn you at the stake, in person." Not really, but one Mithril lawyer had actually made just such a quip.

"Understood, Sir!"

"Above all else, don't feel that you are duty or honor bound to deny yourself the things that you are ultimately fighting for. Life. Freedom. Intimacy. Love. Too many people want their soldiers to fight, but do nothing more. It disturbs some people to realize that we have feelings too. For others, it erodes their confidence. We soldiers do not have to feel the same way."

Sousuke nodded, a thoughtful look on his face. He felt relieved. It felt as if an unknown burden had been lifted from him. He wished he could tell Kaname what he heard right that moment.

"I think I have an understanding of what Miss Chidori means to you, Sgt. Sagara." Kalinin pushed a number of folders towards the younger man. "I am happy for you as a person. But, I must ask you now to put those feelings aside as a soldier. For this mission, that may be especially difficult. But, it is crucial for our success. I cannot emphasize that too much. And, as I said before, your actions will be scrutinized."

Skimming the final paragraph in an Intel assessment, Sousuke went cold. The threats were of an enormous scale. He did not regret being called in on this mission. He would not have been able to protect Kaname by staying in Tokyo. If things went wrong, there might no longer be a Tokyo.

"I will give you a capsular summary. Sgt. Major Mao will go into operational details with you later. Before that, however, you will meet with the Captain in the medical area. I will go so far to say that I do not agree with her decision, but will defer to her greater scientific knowledge. I hope that you will not suspect that her actions are driven by personal feelings or disappointment." The look Kalinin gave Sousuke was rather pointed.

"No, Sir! Of course not, Sir!" First Melissa. Now Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin. What had them so concerned? Sousuke needed to put those worries out of his mind.

"Good. If you had such suspicions, I would direct you to speak with Cmdr. Mardukas." The Lt. Cmdr. was not above making jokes. It did not appear that his young associate found any humor in the statement.

"There is no need, Sir!" Sousuke's eyes bulged.

"I thought as much." Kalinin coughed. It was time to get to the business at hand. "As you can tell from the documents in your hand, our target is in the republic of North Korea. The provincial government there has long threatened to use nuclear weapons if they are attacked, but most people understand that to be saber rattling. Unfortunately, that government has been circumvented. A group of rogue military officials has aligned itself with the terrorist group known as Grendel. Together, they are intent on selling fissionable materials and nuclear technology to anyone with a large enough bank account."

Sosusuke had heard about Grendel in the past. He always thought it would be a matter of time before they and Mithril crossed paths. A sometimes rival of Amalgam, Grendel was one of the big boys. They were felt to have had an equal interest in the Whispered. That likely meant access to Black Technology.

"At least, that is what the North Koreans think." Kalinin handed Sousuke another summary report. "We suspect Grendel has different plans."

"Sir, what about the United States? Are they aware of the full situation? It would be unusual for them to stand by and do nothing." Sousuke had no illusions about that nation. It could be viewed as the equivalent of a general surgeon. The intentions were good, and the skill was commendable. But, mistakes were sometimes made. When such missteps took place, the consequences could be serious. Mithril played the role of a medical specialist. The skill level was higher, if much more focused. For them, mistakes could be disastrous.

"Yes, there are those who know all that we do. Most military personnel and politicians… in the United States and other nations… are aware only of the general situation, without knowing the specific threats behind it. Our contacts in America inform us that the United States military is planning to act before any materials exchange hands."

"Yes. That would be their tendency."

"Our contacts would like us to disarm the situation before the politicians make their inevitable mistakes." Kalinin sighed. In the days of the Soviet Union, he and many others had suffered as a result of mistakes made by high-handed party members.

"They are concerned that materials will slip by their soldiers?"

"Yes. But that is the least of their worries. The conspirators have full use of a number of critical military bases, including the missile launch facilities at Tae Po Dong. They have under control, a number of completed _No-Dong_ missiles and a handful of _Taep'o-dong 2_ ICBMs."

Sousuke moved around uncomfortably in his chair. He remembered Kurz' joke about the 'No Dong' missile. Unlike his friend, Sousuke did not take the weapon lightly. With a 1350-1500 km range and a 750-1000 kg payload capacity, the relatively unsophisticated missile still represented a threat. Not having much better accuracy or reliability than the SCUD-C which it closely resembled, the No-Dong could still make an effective terror weapon if the North Koreans had managed to fit them with biological or 'dirty' nuclear warheads.

The Taep'o-dong 2 was a more serious matter. The second stage was a further evolution of the No-Dong, capable of carrying nuclear warheads. The first stage was a derivative of the more reliable Peoples Republic of China's DF-3 or CSS-2 booster. With a 6000 km range. that weapon would place a fair portion of the globe at risk. A three stage version could reach areas of the continental United States.

"Sir, do our Intelligence sources suspect that the missiles will be used for more than nuclear blackmail?" Sousuke wasn't certain he wanted to hear the answer. He thought he knew what Lt. Cmd. Kalinin had been speaking about earlier. The one report summary suggested a frightening possibility.

"Yes. I'm afraid so. I doubt that the North Korean participants would be so daring, or so despicable. In fact, it would be against their better interests. Grendel is another matter. They have run afoul of the United States on occasion, and may well wish to rid themselves of that hindrance. Certain scenarios seem both likely and devastating." Kalinin made a small flourish with his hand, inviting Sousuke to speculate.

"A move by the U.S. military would prompt retaliation. Not at the American homeland, but at regional allies. The political fallout would be as damaging as the radioactive fallout. American troops and bases in the Pacific could be targeted as well. The resulting chaos would serve Grendel well."

"Exactly. A fine analysis, Sergeant, closely paralleling a number of computer models. Take things a step further. What do you suspect the primary targets would be?" Kalinin sat back in his chair slightly, stretching his back.

"South Korea. Most likely Seoul. Japan. Most likely Tokyo."

"Correct. The North Koreans would be pleased with those targets, even though they would not expect that Grendel would wrest control from them and launch the weapons. They no doubt would fuel the missiles as a bluff, a way to force their demands to be met. It takes eight hours to complete the process, and there is no way to hide that activity from spy satellites. Such an act would be an invitation to intervention if it failed to be an effective political deterrent."

"Sir, why wouldn't the U.S. employ a cruise missile strike or B-2 bombers? Especially if they have no knowledge that Black technology may be at use."

"They would want proof to show the world community, especially after their actions in Iraq. Another such military action could do irreparable harm to international relations. They would use Arm Slaves and Special Forces. Directed energy weapons might be used on the launch vehicles, if they have any such devices in the Pacific theater. At last report, no such aircraft were in that part of the world."

"The attack would succeed against North Korean forces, but not against Grendel." Sousuke was certain of that. Black Technology was to conventional modern weapons as firearms were to horse and lance. Overwhelming numbers could not be brought to bear. That meant that equal technology was needed.

"Correct. I suspect that Grendel is counting on some kind or intervention. By report, they have at least one advanced A.S. on Korean soil with Lambda Driver capabilities. Our informants suggest that they may have as many as three. You remember what Venom did to the American Arm Slaves on Berildaobu Island."

Sousuke nodded his head. He tried not to dwell on the picture he saw in his head, that of Melissa laying wounded, after he failed to get the Lambda Driver in Arbalest to work. He could not afford to doubt himself or the weapons at his disposal. An image of Kaname took Melissa's face. For one moment she stood standing by a window. The next instant, there was a flash of light and she was gone. He became aware that he had been silent too long. He rushed to continue. "That explains the need for Mihtril. It also explains my importance. I see why you wished to know my feelings for Miss Chidori." Sousuke's voice was calm and collected. He held his shoulders up and his chin straight.

Kalinin merely nodded, watching the younger man closely. "It would be a tremendous responsibility for anyone, Sergeant. Countless lives are at stake. The entire political and financial structure of the world is hanging in the balance. It becomes all the more difficult for one who is defending his homeland... his friends and classmates... and his significant other. Your discoveries have come at a difficult time."

"Yes. That is true."

"It is paramount that you do not let your emotions distract you, Sergeant. This must be handled like any other mission. Not only must you guard against despair or undue fear of the consequences, you must also be wary of impulses that might seem right and good. It could prove foolhardy to rush in overzealous, determined to protect the ones you care for."

"I understand. I will not be distracted. I am a Specialist!"

"There is nothing more I have time to discuss. Sgt. Major Mao will explain things in more detail. You should not expect to carry the full weight on yours shoulder, Sergeant."

"Sir, I..."

Kalinin held up a hand, halting any assurance Sousuke might offer.

"Although easier said than done, your sole task will be to delay or destroy the opposing Arm Slaves with Black Technology. Do that, and there stands a very good chance that the missiles will be destroyed before they can be launched. Other soldiers will have the job of gathering proof of nuclear weapons, looking for evidence of Grendel's involvement, and disabling the missiles." Kalinin rubbed a hand along his beard.

"I understand, Sir. The most crucial task of all will be making it to our expected deployment site undetected and getting our equipment on the ground before the missiles could be launched. I take it there are reasons we will not strike before the ICBMs begin fueling?" There were still particulars that troubled Sousuke.

"Yes. Mithril's very existence requires the walking of a political tightrope. Those who know of our existence would erase all ties if we attacked unprovoked, even though they have the same fears that we do. Partial fueling of the missiles might be considered as part of a ploy, while complete fueling could be construed as a definite intent to launch. It's a dangerous game of brinksmanship, with so very much at stake."

"Can the weapons be launched incompletely fueled?" Sousuke's question was a good one.

"There are those who doubt they can, given the reliability issues they have faced on short range test firings. But, no one is certain. As things stand, we time our launch so that our forces such that they arrive when the missiles are seven and one half hours into fueling. That means we can afford no delays, no matter what." Kalinin set his jaw. With shadow groups growing bolder by the day, missions carried greater and greater risks.

"There is a potential problem?" The tone of his superior's voice suggested as much.

"Yes. Bad storms are moving in. If we are lucky, they will delay fueling and hold off the Americans until we are able to do what is necessary. If not, we may be fighting under exceedingly rough conditions." The Lt. Cmdr. shrugged. The weather was beyond their control. "You should head over to the medical area."

"Affirmative. I thank you. Your words were well chosen."

"Think nothing of it, Sergeant. We all have our jobs to do. You see that you do yours to the utmost!"

"Sir, yes Sir!" Sousuke snapped off a crisp salute. "I will not betray your faith in me." 'And I will not fail Kaname,' he added in his thoughts.

It was time to find out what had Mao and Kalinin on edge.


	15. Chapter 15

Sousuke cursed.

Enough was enough. Someone had to put a stop to Kurz Weber's untimely brand of mischief.

In the past, coming back aboard the TDD-1 was almost like going back to the womb. After missions, it was a place of calm and security, wrapped in the comforting blanket of the sea. When he returned to the submarine after spending time at Jindai High School, he had felt the tensions of teenage life drain out of him, replaced with a sense of certainty and belonging.

Not this morning. Not this long sleepless morning.

After he had stepped off of the helicopter, he almost felt like an outsider, a visitor. Part of his mind tried to tell him that home was where Kaname was. That made little sense. He had felt somewhat better in Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin's office, even though the topics of conversation were emotionally trying. The older man was somewhat of a father figure to him.

For some reason, his own cabin felt small, confining. Its sparse décor made him feel isolated and sensory deprived. The only real moment of release came when he changed back into his Mithril uniform. The feel against his skin was not as smooth as his street clothes, but the familiarity made up for that. Looking down at his civvies, he found it hard to believe he had worn them. Taking them off was almost like throwing away a different life he had just begun discovering. Would that life be waiting for him to put back on when he could go back?

Stopping in the mess area, he had downed a cup of coffee, much too quickly. It burned his throat. But, he had needed something to drink and his eyelids were heavy. He downed a second one simply because he could. A small number of crewmen were sitting and eating an early shift breakfast. They all saluted him silently with their aluminum cups, smiling. Why?

He had found out why when he walked back into the hangar area. That was what had him feeling embarrassed and somewhat protective, not to mention irritated and annoyed. Kurz had been busy. There were giant banners hung about the vast room. No doubt some superior officer had ordered him to cover them up before Sousuke caught sight of them, but his fellow crew members would have nothing of it. The tarps that Kurz had placed over his handiwork were being removed while a succession of people slapped Sousuke on the back.

As Sousuke watched, Sgt. Weber tried to rip down one of a whole slew of giant banners. Hanging on with all his weight, he managed to dislodge it, but lost his footing. The material tore, and he swung out into space screaming.

Sousuke's attention had initially been drawn to the action, so he didn't take notice of the posters and banners when he walked into the hangar. Melissa was not far from Kurz. She likely had been stalking after him, ready to administer some form of chastisement. Some of the men and women busy preparing the room stopped to whistle, applaud, or call out encouragement for the Sergeant Major.

"Babe, help me down. I'm dangling here!" Kurz' voice was high-pitched. Kicking his legs, he tried to bring himself over one of the walkways. He didn't want to fall on one of the AV8X aircraft below. A twenty foot fall would be bad enough. The pilots were very touchy.

"Not as much as you're _gonna_ be!" Melissa reached down by her leg. Even Sousuke's keen eyes couldn't make out the detail at that distance, but they didn't need to. He surmised what was in her hand. Her combat knife.

"I was doing my best to get everything down!" Kurz swung close to his desired point of release. One more swing out to bring him there. "I was following orders."

"Me too, asshole!" Melissa slashed with her knife. The banner was cut free. Kurz plummeted to the ground. Suddenly, Sousuke was stunned. Not by his comrade's fall. Not by the scream of rage coming from a pilot throwing aside his coffee cup and making a bee-line for the injured Arm Slave pilot. Not by the obscene shout of triumph coming from Melissa Mao.

He had looked upward, seeing the forest for the trees. The banners were in his honor, so to speak. His, and Kaname's. At first he went numb. Then he felt embarrassed. Soon after that, he began to get angry. He felt a need to defend Kaname. Especially since there was a chance there would no longer be a Kaname.

**'GO FOR IT!'**

The letters and words on that and the other banners swirled and swam before his eyes. He had to grit his teeth and put forth considerable effort to bring them into focus. He never read all of them. He read more than enough.

**'Looking for a new mattress, try CHIDORI brand.'**

**'Torpedo away!'**

**'Don't stop until she screams your name instead of mine!'**  
**  
'Dive… Dive… Dive…'**

Sousuke realized that Kurz and his other shipmates were only showing their affection for him. In a sense, that was reassuring. But, at that moment, he felt violated. Nonetheless, he did as the Lt. Cmdr. had suggested. He fought hard to bring his emotions under control. That became an especially difficult task when he saw the sign hanging from the ARX-7.

**'THE LOVE MACHINE'**

Shaking his head, Sousuke marched onward. He had no time or desire to deal with Kurz right now. It was time to report to the medical area. He told himself that with great panache, a soldier obeying his orders. But, his mind would have nothing of it. As he passed each successive doorway, he felt his throat grow tighter and tighter. His heartbeat went up. His breathing quickened. He began to sweat. If he kept this up, he would look as if he were sick when he got there!

A thought kept reasserting itself. Was he ill? Did the blood work and testing he had done during his routine evaluation turn up some serious problem? If Captain Testarossa was involved, did it mean that his role on the TDD-1 might be in jeopardy? Would this be his last mission? 'Thanks for saving the world soldier, you're dismissed. No, you're discharged!'

Captain Testarossa was in the room when he walked in. Her first look was one of surprise. That was followed by a somewhat sheepish expression, and then by furrowed brows and a tight frown. She stopped tugging at her pony tail.

Cmdr. Mardukas was there also, hovering at the Captain's side, his eyes dark and piercing. The look he gave Sousuke was sharp and jagged like the edge of a broken bottle. Sousuke straightened up walked stiffer.

There was no sign of the ship's doctor. Instead, there were three strangers, a woman and two men dressed in long white lab coats. The woman was working on a digital projector. One of the men was pulling down a view screen. The third individual was taking vials of liquid out of a large leather medical bag.

There were restraints on the examination table. A number of MPs were standing by the doorway. What was going on?

"Sgt. Sagara, you're finally here." Tessa said.

"Reporting for duty as instructed, ma'am!" Sousuke stood at attention.

"I have a number of introductions to make," Tessa said. "First, may I introduce you to Dr. Sophia Cannon-Bard, Neuropsychiatrist." Tessa nodded to the attractive middle-aged woman with shoulder length black hair.

Finishing up with the projector, the woman walked over to Sousuke. "So, this is the young man who merited such marvelous banners." Sophia smiled, an evil glint in her eye. "Rest easy, young man. An explanation will be forthcoming. You are in good hands."

Sousuke swallowed hard. Tessa looked dyspeptic.

"I'm Dr. Charles Schacher," a burly older man said squeezed Sousuke's hand in a vice-like grip. "I'm a Biomedical Specialist. Ex-SEAL. I'll protect you from Dr. Cannon-Bard." He gave Sousuke a pat on the back then stepped aside. He laughed at the expression the woman gave him.

Sousuke felt more comfortable around a Special Forces veteran. That was the type of Specialist he was more familiar with.

"Hello, I'm Tony Damasio, Medical Technologist. I will be monitoring the equipment and running stat blood work as necessary. I admire your courage. This will be a groundbreaking event." A short man with a close-cropped beard and mustache gave Sousuke a hand shake. His palm was slightly moist. His eyes went briefly to Sousuke's face before darting around the room again.

Equipment? Groundbreaking? Blood work?

"We don't have a lot of time, so I suppose I should get to the bottom line." Tessa smoothed out her uniform and looked up at Sousuke's face. "Some of us here are disappointed in you, Sgt. Sagara. In a way that you probably suspect."

Sousuke's jaw tightened. There was a double meaning to Tessa's words, he was certain of that. Looking over at Cmdr. Mardukas, he saw the man's face change ever so slightly. There was a subtle smile on his lips. "Captain?"

"Arbalest, Sousuke..." Tessa blushed, after calling him by name. "The Lambda Driver in particular. On that island, you couldn't interface at all. If the enemy hadn't allowed himself to be captured, you and your team mates no doubt would have been destroyed." She stopped, letting that point sink in. Her hand trembled slightly as she remembered her ordeal at the hands of Gauron.

"That failure could have been catastrophic," Cmdr. Mardukas put in. "You can imagine what might happen on this mission if there is another such failure."

The word 'failure' cut Sousuke like a knife. It sounded as if he were somehow deficient or defiant. The injustice of that implication had him scowling. He had not asked to bond with that A.I. And, if he was so useless, why hadn't Mithril found someone else capable of being a necessary interface?

"We don't blame you personally, Sergeant." Tessa's face softened. She correctly guessed how Sousuke must be feeling. "There is a lot at risk here. This project has been going on for a while, ever since you used Arbalest. There were those in high command who insisted we make use of the results, even though there have been no validation studies." She clearly sounded as if she was of two minds about something.

"That can hardly be helped, Captain." Sophia said suavely. "As I told you before, there are no subjects to experiment on. Animal models won't work, and the young man there is the only soldier in Mithril who has worked with the device."

Sousuke began to feel very uneasy. It sounded as if he were going to be used as some form of guinea pig. That would be bad enough at any time. But, did they mean to apply some unproven treatment before the mission, with so much at stake? What might happen? He didn't want Kaname's safety hinging on the results of some wild scheme.

"There are rumors that terrorist groups with Venom class Arm Slaves and machines of similar ilk are having a difficult time finding pilots. It seems that your late adversary was a rare man, someone whose complex emotional state allowed him to operate the Lambda Driver effortlessly." Dr. Schacher's voice was strong and unapologetic.

"It could be that the enemy pilots you face will have the same issues you have, Sergeant." Dr. Cannon Bard picked up a laser pointer and walked over towards the projector. "But, if you match up against more than one adversary… even if they each face random failures… there is a good chance that at least one of them will remain operational at all times. That is why we were all unceremoniously pulled from our homes and our jobs. That is why we are here."

"It's not simply about you, Sousuke." Tessa's eyes suddenly looked frightened. Tears gathered there, threatening to spill over. "It's about everyone who is in danger. We need to take this risk. If you were to fail again, innocent people might pay the price." She valiantly tried to remain brave and calm looking, but the slump in her shoulders and the rasp on her hair spoke of great inner turmoil.

"Without this, we would be forced to resort to methods that will have immense repercussions." Cmdr. Mardukas stepped close to Sousuke. He continued in a quiet voice, close to a whisper. "We will launch cruise missiles at the appropriate time. If there is opportunity, we will bring down fire and brimstone upon the launch site. That will take out friend and foe alike. Do you understand what I am saying?"

Sousuke bowed his head..

"One fact still remains, Sergeant." Dr. Schacher walked over and tapped on Sousuke's chest. "Mithril can order you to undergo the procedure, but you would still have a right to decline. Those of us from the outside are consultants. We have been hired to do a job. They cannot force us to administer the treatment. We won't do that unless you volunteer." The man's voice was neutral.

Sousuke was grateful that the ex-SEAL hadn't tried to shame him into anything. He thought about Kaname. He remembered the kiss they shared. He could smell her hair and feel the weight of her head on his shoulder. He really didn't have a choice. He would need to do whatever gave her and Tokyo the best hope for survival.

"Before you say anything, Sergeant, I have a presentation to make. It will serve as out equivalent of an informed consent form. You need to know what is going on before you can answer." Dr. Cannon-Bard turned on the projector. An image of a human brain filled the screen, different areas labeled and marked in different colors. "I apologize if this is somewhat dry and clinical. You should see the professional version!" Sophia smiled. Dr. Schacher nodded his head, causing the woman to frown. "Some of what I have to say will be poetic license, a way to explain extremely difficult concepts. Nonetheless, the major points will be as factual as we know how to make them. Our understanding of human consciousness is limited, but there have been major advances. Could I have the lights down, please?"

The lights in the room dimmed. Sophia's voice was nearly hypnotic. She had everyone's attention.

"If you asked any person on the street how many brains he has, he'd likely tell you 'one.' That would hold true for women, but wishful thinking for men!" Sophia chuckled, and then stopped abruptly. "Sorry. That's my stock opening for this talk." She reached for a glass of water on her podium. "In a sense, humans have _three_ brains, two wrapped inside one. Can you remember a time when you _really_ wanted to do something, but knew you shouldn't?"

Sousuke blushed, remembering a thought he had while kissing Kaname. Tessa, pulled at her hair, looking at Sousuke. Mardukas clenched his fist, looking at the same person Tessa was.

"The most illogical or irrational wants derive from the evolutionarily older parts of our brain, while the understanding of smart or dumb choices comes from the newer part." The woman continued with her talk.

"So, you are going to give him a newer part?" Cmdr. Mardukas asked sarcastically. "Is that what this is about?"

Tessa idly wondered if there was a way to change someone else's choices, before she caught herself and began to grow warm in the face..

Sophia continued without missing a beat. "Take another example. You can be hungry, but you don't know that until you actually pay attention to that feeling. When you do take notice, you might realize you've been hungry for some time. Hunger comes from the most basic parts of our brain, but our actual awareness is controlled by the newer part."

Sousuke's stomach growled. Now he realized he was hungry. Great.

"Brain number one, the _'R complex,'_ is centrally located. The 'R' stands for reptilian. The structure is somewhat similar to that seen in snakes and lizards." Sophia put a different image on. One side showed a highlighted area of the brain. The other showed a Fringed Lizard, its frill puffed to the fullest.

"Kaname..." Tessa whispered. Sousuke heard that and frowned.

"Brain number two, the _'limbic system'_ or _'old mammalian brain,'_ can be seen wrapping around the R complex. The closest equivalent would be the brains in dogs and cats." The image changed again. Another diagram of the human brain, next to a picture of a cat hissing at a dog.

Sousuke saw an image of Kaname and Tessa arguing. She shook his head to chase that thought away. This was serious business.

"Brain three, the _'neocortex,' _is on the outside surface, wrapped around brain two. This is the crowning evolutionary development for primates, especially man. The neocortex allows things like complex social interactions, advance planning, and so forth. At least in women."

Tessa smiled.

"The limbic system is responsible for feelings. The R complex can be thought of as the 'housekeeping brain,' responsible for basics such as hunger, temperature control, fight-or-flight fear responses, unconscious urges to defend our territory or keep ourselves safe... things like that. Are you with me so far, Sergeant?"

"I am." Sousuke wished that his limbic system would settle down some.

"In a good mood? Bad mood?" Sophia smiled.

"Both, ma'am."

"I see. Completely understandable. Well, your mood is probably influenced by several parts of your brain. The limbic system is probably the biggest culprit. The cingulated gyrus is one of the most crucial mood centers. It is actually cortex like the outer layers, but is buried deeper. The amygdala is essentially the fear center. The hippocampus plays a role in memory, which will in turn have a major effect on mood as well. The so called 'master gland,' the hypothalamus, plays a big role too." Dr. Cannon- Bard used the pointer to highlight various areas of the brain as she spoke. She added small bits of information as she went. The talk touched briefly on the subject of memory, with Sophia mentioning that emotion and memory are very closely related. "Do you like to go to parties, Sergeant?" The way the doctor said it, the words almost sounded like an invitation. Tessa frowned.

"Ma'am?"

"Say you went to one, Sergeant. And say you were to meet a number of different people. Whose faces would you remember? The woman who made you laugh? The man who made you feel embarrassed? It will be the ones who have an emotional impact. That's because the limbic system is in charge of transferring information into memory."

Sousuke opened and closed his mouth. He wondered if that was one of the reasons he had fewer memories about people or places than most other people seemed to have. Did his previous moratorium on emotions somehow put a damper on the things he remembered? The doctor's voice droned on. Sousuke lost track of some of her words, daydreaming about Kaname. That was more pleasurable than focusing on the hippocampus and where it was located... how it worked... and its vulnerability to stress. He stored away the fact that it was crucial for the formation of new memories, but would remember little else. Kaname's lips on the other hand...her softness... her contour...

"Still with us, young man?" Dr. Schacher's voice brought Sousuke back to attention, in both senses of the word..

"Uh...I...yes!"

"Would it make it easier for you to pay attention if I added explosions, soldier?" Sophia wasn't smiling.

"Yes, ma'am. I mean, it isn't necessary, ma'am!"

"How about if we added a pretty girl?" Dr, Schacher laughed, seeing the look on Sousuke's face. He suddenly went stiff, catching a glimpse of Tessa.

"In battle, one emotion that is of particular importance is fear." Sophia stared at Sousuke, daring him to nod off. "Fear carries with it various things: worried thoughts... physical sensations, such as a faster heart rate, sweating, increased breathing... and behaviors, like attempting to escape the situation that makes one afraid in the first place. One may be afraid of dying or being injured. He may be worried about his or her comrades. Or, the person may have concerns about failure or the inability to complete his mission properly."

Sousuke felt as if they were all staring at him then. No, it almost felt as if the entire world was looking. 

"There is a complicated series of events in the nervous system that leads to physical sensations and the behaviors of fear." Again, Dr. Cannon-Bard's voice became a drone. Sousuke wondered what he and Kaname might have said or done, had they been able to go to Belles Des Belles. Would he have had sufficient words to say? Could he have done what Kaname might have expected? An alarm went off in his head...he was supposed to be paying attention. "Medications... particularly those that influence the serotin system... are hypothesized to desensitize the fear network from the level of the amygdala through its projections to the hypothalamus and brainstem. Some of out current regimen will include such agents. Keeping up, Sergeant?"

"Amygdala, mam. Hypoyhalamus and brainstem!" Sousuke hoped she didn't want anything more than that.

"Good!" Sophia smiled and put up the next image.

"You're a better man than me," Dr. Schacher whispered, stifling a yawn.

He and Sousuke both forced themselves to listen while the woman discussed the basal ganglia and their relationship to obsessions. The ex-SEAL had heard the lecture before, in various forms. Sousuke was tired and worried about Kaname.

"Next, I will touch upon hormonal control... so to speak." Dr. Cannon-Bard winked.

Tessa looked uncomfortable at first, and then managed a shy glance at Sousuke.

"Boys usually pay attention to this part of the lecture. If not, I can always go over it again, if you like." Dr. Cannon-Bard tossed her hair. Sousuke stood at attention. "Hormonal control is a complex process. The command center seems to lie in a central part of the brain, just below the oldest most central structure, the thalamus. In your terms, Sergeant, the hypothalamus is the commander, and the pituitary gland below it is the first lieutenant. Don't feel obliged to salute."

Tessa covered a laugh with her hand.

Sophia discussed various general points, none of which Sousuke expected to remember for more than two or three days. He felt a bit wary when she said that the treatment would affect hormonal levels as well. The facts came fast, one after another. Sousuke figured he must know how the British defenders must have felt when they saw hoards of Zulu warriors descending on their position. Dr. Cannon-Bard went on to discuss the senses, and how the brain at times actually makes educated guesses based on the data at hand and on some simple assumptions.

"To resolve ambiguities and make sense of the world, the brain can create shapes from incomplete data. We construct such images unconsciously and very rapidly. Part of our procedure will capitalize on that very tendency."

Sousuke's mind began constructing images of Kaname. For a moment, he created certain tantalizing anatomical representations based on incomplete visual information. Stop! Why am I doing this? There is a mission coming up. I... need... to... focus.

Sophia looked at her watch. "Well, we're moving along well. I have just enough time left to sketch out the current understanding of motivations."

Dr. Schacher looked at Sousuke. "Sophia, I think we've covered enough for the Sergeant to make an informed decision. I need to go over some of the physical details with him."

"Can't I just go over the motivations based on physiological needs, the ones crucial for immediate survival?" Sophia batted her eyes.

Sousuke gulped. He looked a plea to the former Special Forces soldier.

"Maybe later."

"What about less important but more interesting biologically-based ones, like sex, aggression, and the like?" Sophia tried a winsome smile.

Sousuke froze. Tessa bit her lip. Mardukas looked at Tessa and spoke up. "I believe Dr. Schacher is correct. The Sergeant needs time to receive additional mission information after a brief convalescent period. Accordingly, we cannot spend too much time here."

"But our work... it might make it easier for him to accept the necessity... at least let me talk a little about positive feedback loops, biochemical modification, or molecular micro-spheres..."

"No." Dr. Schacher walked over and turned the projector off. Thinking a moment more, he unplugged the device. "Basically, Sergeant, we surmised that you are able to use the Lambda Driver because at certain times, yours senses, emotions, and motivations align in some required fashion." He walked over to one of the tables and motioned Sousuke to follow him. "In a manner of speaking, your three brains would appear to be synchronized, or in complete agreement at such times. Perhaps that is why we have yet to find a woman who shows any ability to influence Lambda Driver technology." The doctor stepped to one side, dodging a cup thrown by his compatriot. "Taking it a step further, when something is out of proper orientation, your link is either incomplete or inconsistent. We have worked with various theories, countless biochemical agents, and a multitude of delivery systems in an attempt to force and maintain an optimal link."

Sousuke's hope was on the rise. Complete and consistent control of the Lambda Driver would be a phenomenal achievement in his opinion. He could make any move or employ any strategy, without fear that he might suddenly be caught in a vulnerable situation when systems failed. If he could maintain total attunement with Arbalest… while his adversaries suffered the vagaries of fate… he would have a tremendous advantage. Even if his enemies were as attuned as Gauron, he would still have a chance against them, especially if the ARX-7 was the better machine.

"Understand me. This is new and incompletely validated stuff. The mind is such a complex place, no one is sure what might happen. My apologies to Dr. Cannon-Bard, but a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing." Dr. Schacher ignored the gesture she gave him.

Sousuke nodded his head. "I understand, sir. I have learned that from experience, multiple times.

Cmdr. Mardukas had returned. His countenance clouded over. Tessa looked nervous.

"In this bottle, we have time-release biospheres. They contain various chemicals that will interact with the neurotransmitters in your brain. We will inject them now, and they will begin building up in gradually increasing levels. The boost will continue beyond your estimated time of battle." He showed Sousuke a vial and an auto-injector. "Here, in the other bottle, we have additional chemicals, carried inside of special reactive micro-spheres. In the presence of a Lambda Driver backlash field, the spheres will break down, releasing their contents into the blood stream. We will inject these after we are certain you have no ill effects due to the first injection." The man stared at Sousuke, prompting a response.

"I see, Sir. I have no problem with anything said so far. Please continue."

Dr. Schacher went over various monitoring devices, and showed Sousuke a fabric hood trailing wires. "You will wear this as you sleep in hear tonight. It will influence the conductivity of your nervous system, and will work to set up certain preconceived responses. It too is new and incompletely tested.

"Acceptable, Sir." Sousuke wasn't as certain as he sounded. He had only just begun to explore his and emotions, and didn't want things permanently changed. There were new memories that were precious to him. There were feelings of anticipation that he wanted to preserve.

"We will have someone monitor you when you sleep, young man. The rest of us will stay on board, in case there are any unanticipated effects."

"I... I volunteer to watch Sgt. Sagara," Tessa said, her eyes intense. "After all, I am his Captain. His safety and well-being are my concern." She took a half-step towards Sousuke. Commander Mardukas wrapped his hand around one of Tessa's wrists and led her from the room.

Dr. Schacher spoke with Sousuke a bit more, and then asked whether or not he would consent to the procedure. "Yes," Sousuke answered. He would do that for Kaname. For Seoul, Tokyo, and everywhere else as well. But, mostly for Kaname. After laying down on the examining table, Sousuke was strapped down for his own safety, since his reactions to the various bio-chemicals and molecular agents could not be predicted.

"You shouldn't be here longer than an hour...hour and thirty minutes..." Dr. Schacher administered the first injection. He nodded to Mr. Damasio who adjusted the readout on one device. "When you are finished, I will notify Melissa Mao to come and collect you. Relax now. If you like, I have headphones and a wide selection of music and ambient noise."

"I have some aroma-therapy scents in my purse," Dr. Cannon-Bard piped up. Dr. Schacher just shook his head.

"No thank you, Sir. Mam. I will try to get some sleep if I may." Sousuke's eyes looked sunken. He yawned.

"Good idea. You're a true soldier. Get it while you can!" Dr. Schacher laughed. The words echoed in Sousuke's mind as he began to slip off towards sleep. 'Get it while you can.' Those words could be applied to many subjects, including one that might threaten to keep him awake. More importantly, the saying was apropos for life in general.

"Kaname." After whispering that name, Sousuke drifted off.


	16. Chapter 16

Kaname took the head phones off and unplugged them from the jack.

She returned her seat to the upright position. She looked out of the airplane window, seeing nothing but darkness. Anything could be out there. Who knows where they were at the moment?

She remembered another fateful flight. This one better end up where it was supposed to! Were they flying over the ocean? By now they should be! If any terrorists were on board, it would be in their best interest to lay low. They had time to reconsider. They did _not_ want to mess with her. If Gauron were still alive, he would be wise to choose a different flight!

Was Sousuke at sea? Airborne? On the ground? In battle? Getting ready to depart? "Unless his leaving was some kind of trick!" She froze at the sound of her own words. It _was_ possible. She wouldn't put anything past Tessa! No. That wasn't fair. If anything, Tessa had hoped that she was in an honorable race for Sousuke. She had never done anything too terribly underhanded before.

The possibilities tumbled about in Kaname's mind like clothes in a dryer. "Relax, Kaname. We still have a long way to go." It was true, in more ways than one. She had only been in the air for a couple of hours. It wouldn't do her any good to worry continuously for the next seven hundred or so minutes.

Sosuske had shown her his heart for one stolen moment. It had been a transcendent event, but how much faith could she put in it. Was it a promise of things to come? Or, was it all just wishful thinking? "First things, first girl." There was no sense in jumping to conclusions. The most important question wasn't whether or not Sousuke might fall in love with her. For that to matter, he had to return home safe. Would he? "He _better._ If he knows what's good for him! Moron."

Worrying didn't accomplish anything. She needed to find some way to distract herself. It would be nice if she could get some sleep, but it was still too early in her time zone. She looked at the food carts rolling down the aisle way. They call _that_ a dinner? Those small sandwiches and bags of reject peanuts were not likely that would hold her interest for very long.

She tried reading magazines. She paid attention to the inflight movie as long as she could. She even took out a pen and doodled on her napkin. She kept drawing hearts. That didn't help! Her thoughts kept going back to her kiss with Sousuke. That better not be the last one! She had a right to a good life, didn't she? After all of the tough times she had been through, she deserved something good. So did Sousuke. She would be good for him, if everybody and everything would just give her a chance. He would be good for her too.

"He doesn't have any choice. Big idiot!" Yes. He _would_ get back safely from whatever mess they threw him into. She _would_ get back from New York after seeing just what her father had in mind for her. They _could_ pick right up again where they had left off.

She thought about New York. She remembered what it had been like, stepping off an airplane for the first time those years ago, when she was ten. It had been scary and daunting. Unfamiliar. So much had happened after that. The house in the suburbs. Her school. Friends. Visits to the big city. The parks. Subways. One particular Deli. The good times. The bad things. Much of it only seemed a blur now. It would be nice if she could relive some of the special moments from the three and one half years that she spent there. It would be even nicer to make some new memories. She wished she could be headed back under better circumstances.

"Well, we don't know it's anything bad." True. But, she was going at her father's insistence, with no time to savor the idea or work up any sense of anticipation. And, she still didn't know why. That one question had been plaguing her more and more, ever since she hung up that telephone. It had been hard, holding back the tears when she told her friends goodbye. Packing hadn't been any easier, especially when she nestled the picture Sousuke gave her between two pairs of sweaters. Looking at her card, she had decided to put that in as well. When she closed her suitcase, it felt as if something was missing. Not something. _Someone._ Big stupid head!

When she had taken her hamster over to Kyouko, and after she had finished everything she needed to do at her apartment, she closed and locked her door, standing there unmoving when she was done. It had been so difficult to leave. More than anything, she wanted to be in that apartment and hear a knock on that door. She wanted to open that door and see Sousuke. She wanted to wrap her arms around Sousuke and squeeze him until he cried out for mercy. That was not going to happen… at least not for a while.

Waiting for the cab had been a trial. She had forgotten her umbrella again. The chill wind made her shiver. The driver showed up late. She found out why… traffic was heavy. The ride to the airport had been excruciating. She just wanted to be there already! No, she wanted to be in New York. She had to know what was going on. Why so sudden? Why no choice? Why now? Why were there so many damn cars on the road? Probably just to spite her!

If only Sousuke could have gone with her! The thought made her smile, despite herself. She could image the effect a certain clueless soldier would have on her father's well-ordered life. The though of parading arm in arm with Sousuke in front of her sister made her laugh. Ayame would turn green with envy. She would want all of the details. Kaname wouldn't tell her until it was about time to leave. She would have made it a point to give Sousuke a long and noisy kiss in front of the little brat... _if_ her father was nowhere to be seen.

Her smile deepened. It's always great to have secrets to tease one's family with. The sense of power was delicious. Then again, knowing her father, it might be best that she didn't say anything about a certain Sergeant. She was still his little girl, despite all of the obvious anatomic refinements that suggested otherwise. It was amusing to think the reactions she could get if she _did _tell him about Sousuke, especially if she embellished things or withheld certain key points.

**"Father, he's a veteran. A Sergeant. He's been fighting for the past eight years."**

Her father was adept at mathematics. He'd figure that her boyfriend must be in his late twenty or early thirties. And, having spent time in the army when he was younger, he'd have a certain impression of soldiers.

**"You're going to be a grandfather."**

That falsehood would set him off like a Roman Candle. In his mind, Kaname wasn't even supposed to be dating yet.

"**I'm pretty certain he's the father." **

That would lead to a full fireworks display. She couldn't help but chuckle. She had always enjoyed July 4th in the big city.

**"He's very talented father. There's no one else out there quite like him. Wonderful writing. Classic architecture. Well manicured gardens. Fancy cars, fine wine, and gourmet foods. Trophies in the High School display case. He's blown them all up at one time or another."**

Pull pin from father... run a safe distance away as he flies off the handle... watch _him_ explode. The possibilities were endless. But, the last thing she wanted to do was get her father nervous. In her father's mind, boys were supposed to be invisible to her. All she needed was for him to take away her credit card or break the lease on her apartment. Without those or her expense account, she would be left with few realistic options.

Her mood changed again, prompted by a rather frightening thought. What if the ticket was a move on her father's part to bring her back to America? What if he wanted her there for good? He was a very influential man. Finding her a spot in a prestigious school would be a piece of cake. There could be closets of clothes waiting for her, since Ayame had a good idea of what she did and didn't like. Her father might try to sweeten the pot by promising her a car on her next birthday.

Kaname was a respectful and considerate daughter. But, if her father tried something like _that,_ he'd get an earful. No, _two_ earfuls! And that would just be the beginning. Sure, Kaname. Try to remember the last time you tried to defy your father. You ended up with a juvenile record that day.

She thought back to her arrival at Narita Airport. 'I said, I take cash, checks, or credit cards. Tipping is the norm.' Kaname had snapped out of her funk. When the taxi arrived at the terminal, she hadn't even taken notice. As soon as the driver had taken her bags out and put them on the sidewalk, she paid the man. He kept staring down at his palm when he was done.

'Oh, of course. Here's my tip for the day.' Kaname had been feeling somewhat cantankerous. When the man's eyes had brightened, she dropped her bombshell. 'When a young lady is waiting out in the rain, don't be late. _Hmmppff!'_ She heard obvious cursing in a foreign language as she walked away. For some reason, it made her feel a little better. Sousuke would have appreciated her move. He was a stickler when it came to doing one's professional duty to the utmost. She remembered his response to the last shoddy cab driver who had asked him for a tip. 'You may choose the manner of your gratuity. I can shoot you in a nonfatal area, or arrange for delivery of your body to the City Morgue.' That cab driver had dropped the money out of his window and scraped his taxi against two parked cars in an effort to get away. Sousuke had such a way with words. That had made her furious then. She had been filled with warmth and affection there at the curb. 'Sousuke...'

As Kaname had pulled her suitcase behind her, she couldn't help but catch sight of the large brightly lit posters on the lobby walls. In each one, a happy family was enjoying some fun activity, or a loving couple walked hand in hand at some exotic or charming location. For some reason, she stopped to look at each one. She remembered Sousuke's invitation to join him on a Pacific island. She had been so excited. The invitation impressed her… she hadn't thought Sousuke could be so bold. She hadn't ever hoped that he might show that kind of interest in her. Overwhelmed, she had walked on a cloud all of the way back to her apartment, despite being unceremoniously sprayed with blue paint by that otaku's overpriced security gate.

Of course, that trip hadn't turned out the way she had hoped. Before they had boarded, that clueless excuse for a boy had told her where they were actually going. The flight was living Hell. She was so put out, that she couldn't even enjoy giving that jerk the cold shoulder. Then, before she knew what was happening, he hooked her up to him and jumped out of the plane… over the ocean!

She smiled. Those moments of freefall had been so wonderful, so freeing. The events on the submarine were a different story. That big idiot owed her a trip to some beautiful island somewhere. He always made it a point to pay off his debts and obligations. Always. So, that meant he had to come back alive. He had to.

Kaname hadn't realize how long that she had stopped to stare at one advertisement. A young man held a girl in his arms. They were kissing. She held a scarf in her hand. There was snow falling. 'Share your love together this holiday. Go somewhere special.' The caption couldn't have hit any closer to the mark. Checking her watch, she had gotten an unpleasant surprise. She had been standing there longer than she should have. She would need to hurry! If she couldn't check in and get through customs quickly, she might miss her flight.

Just what she needed. More stress. She had run as quickly as she could. People stopped, aghast, seeing her streak past like some kind of crazy woman. Her suitcases had bounced and slid behind her instead of rolling. Turning one corner, her largest bag knocked over a row of potted palms. Speeding across one hallway entrance, she spooked the driver of a small people mover. Swerving, he ran into a decorative fountain, catapulting himself face first into the water.

The large digital clocks on the wall had served to spur her on. She could do this. She _would_ do this. Nothing could stop one of Jindai High's best female athletes. Nothing that wished to remain in one piece. She skidded to a stop. Both bags fell out of her hands. The line to the Airline counter she needed stretched across the Gate area. One of the ticket attendants posted a sign in front of her work area. It read 'Temporarily off duty. Please use next counter.' There was only one open counter.

For a moment, Kaname had felt frantic. She checked the Arrival/Departure board. The next flight to NYC was fire hours after hers. There would be no guarantee she could get a seat. What was she going to do? The last thing she needed was another lecture from her father on responsibility. A thought crossed her mind. It was brazen, but it might just work. Could she possibly justify taking the chance? What if her action caused certain people to reassess the value of keeping her safe? 'What would Sousuke do?'

Guns, grenades, and incendiary devices aside, he would do something direct, something bold. How could she, a Class Representative and Student Council Vice President, do anything less? Ignoring the withering looks she received from the people standing in line, Kaname walked directly up to the ticket counter. She took out a piece of paper from her purse and scribbled a phone number on it, showing it to the startled attendant. 'Excuse me, I am a V.I.P. My identity must remain confidential. Please call this number and put me on the line. Arrangements will be made for you to talk to someone in high authority.' Kaname tried to put an arrogant look on her face.

'B-But... I can't do that... all these people...' The young woman with the thick glasses stammered, looking at the huge line of travelers.

'The longer you wait, the longer they wait. They longer I wait, the harder it will be for you to find your next job.' Kaname felt bad saying that, especially since it was her own fault that she was in a mess.

The girl caught the emphasis on the word 'next.' She debated whether she should call her supervisor, security, or the number on the paper. She chose the final option, much to Kaname's relief. 'Here...' She handed Kaname the handset.

'This is Jindai Blue. I am requesting connection to Silver Home. Authorization code 2222-X.' Kaname waited as the Mithril operative on the other end of the line checked on her information. He asked for the password Kaname had chosen. 'Halisen,' she answered. The agent set up a connection to Mithril HQ. After a couple of tense minutes, someone with the necessary authority came on line.

'Yes. I am at Tokyo Airport and need a favor. I am at risk of missing a flight to New York City. Anything you could say to the ticket attendant to expedite the process would be greatly appreciated.' Kaname crossed her fingers. "I am not asking for any in-flight security measures.' She had done a lot for Mithril, playing a big role in saving a five billion dollar submarine. She hoped that would mean something to someone. 'No, I am not acting on any tips heard from him or anyone else. I am traveling at my father's insistence. Thank you.'

Kaname had handed the phone to the lady behind the counter. She had no idea what was said. After she hung up the phone, the attendant dialed another number. There was no way for Kaname to know that it was the home number for the CEO of the Airline. When someone answered at that number, the nervous young lady passed along a short coded message she wrote down. Listening for a moment, her face went pale. 'Let me check you ticket, please.' The girl's voice tightened as she turned back towards Kaname. Her hands were trembling. 'Here, I will take care of your bags personally. Have a nice flight. _Please!'_

'Thank you. May I have your name? Address, too? You've done a fine job here.' Kaname planned on sending the young lady something to make up for the trouble. Heading off to board her flight, she had stopped for a moment, remembering something she had been asked. Why had the Mithril official asked her if she were traveling as a result if something Sousuke might have told her? There had been no time to waste. A voice on an overhead speaker mentioned her flight number, saying that the announcement was last call. Kaname had stopped feeling guilty.

A conversation between two men in the seats in front of her brought her back to the present moment. At first, her attention was drawn by the stage whispers and slurred speech. Soon, however, the words themselves had her ears pricked up.

"_Shhhhhhh._ Keep it down. You've had way too much to drink. Give me those." The first speaker was obviously concerned. There was the sound of a brief wrestling match. A number of miniature bottles of vodka and bourbon joined an empty sake container, rolling back under Kaname's seat.

"Of course I did. You should too. You know why!" The second man sounded rebellious.

"_Quiet._ Keep it down. You know that nobody else is supposed to hear anything. You know the panic it would cause." Kaname sat forward in her seat, not embarrassed to be eavesdropping. This ought to be interesting, unless they ended up spilling secret Yakusa business or something. She didn't want to be fingered as a possible witness or end up in some kind of trouble with gangsters again.

"Yeh. Sure. We're the lucky ones. We get to _mrbllbrllfrbfrrglll_..." The voice was garbled for a moment. "Get your damn hand off of my mouth. You want to go back and sit in Tokyo? Go ahead. Go right ahead. I won't stop you."

"Shut the Hell up. You know I will have to report this. The boss will have your ass. For God's sake, man. Just chill out." The first man sounded angry.

"You bet. He can chew my tail off if he likes… as long as Tokyo is still there when we get back!"

"Just one more word and I will have you arrested when we reach the embassy. That's Japanese soil. Keep this up and you are going to get busted back down to courier. I'm not joking!"

Kaname froze. Were they drunken fools, or was anything they just said cause for concern? Tokyo might not be there when they got back? Her father's actions suddenly worried her more than ever. The question that the Mithril official had asked sent chills up and down her spine as well--- she could only assume that the man had thought she was leaving the country because she had been slipped knowledge of some significant risk or threat.

Did this have something to do with what Sousuke was involved in? Just how much danger would he be in? What might happen if he and his comrades failed? What about her friends? Kyouko. Ryo. Maya. Ren. Everybody. They were still in Tokyo. Should she try to get use of an in flight telephone? Even if she could, what would she say to them? The conversation she imagined was telling. 'Kyouko, it's me. Hey girl, get out of Tokyo as fast as you can. No, make it Japan.' _'Why, Kaname?"_ 'Oh, because of what two drunken guys were talking about in front of me. That, and the fact that my father sounds overly anxious to see me over the holidays. Did I ever tell you about Mithril?' _'No...' _'Never mind then. Can you call everyone else and pass along the message?" _"What should I tell them the danger is?"_ "I haven't a clue! Just make the call, call girlfriend.' '_OK , Kaname...'_ ' Thanks, Kyouko. You're a real trooper.'

There was no way she could call. Who would believe her? Besides, she really didn't have any proof that there was a real danger. She would have to see if she could get the truth out of her father, if he actually knew something. Then she could call with facts instead of conjecture or just a bad feeling. Yes. There was probably time, wasn't there? That is, if there actually was something to be concerned about.

Kaname heard the bottles rattling around under her chair. She almost thought about sneaking a couple of bottles for herself when the carts rolled by again. She didn't care that much for alcohol, but she was incredibly on edge. There had been all that stress associated that first card. She remembered her desperate questions. Who had it? What was Sousuke going to say?

Sousuke had accepted, and that had sent her spirit soaring. He later told her that he wouldn't be able to make it. That had brought her hopes crashing down. She had used harsh words. Shoeless, she ran after him. After making up, she had to watch him leave her. Then, she had gotten her father's phone call. She had been forced to rush around throwing things together. Rain. Wind. Traffic. That long line. The worrisome conversation. It was enough. She had even forgotten it was Christmas Eve.

The flight seemed to stretch on forever. She wished she could get up and pace up and down the aisles, working off some of her anxiety and excess energy. A stewardess brought by another selection of magazines. There was no way she would choose one of _those_. Teen magazines about dating? Family magazines about pleasant outings? News magazines about world events? No no no…

She also had no desire to vote for the next in-flight movie. There were three choices. 'The Day After'? No way. She didn't want to watch a film where New York ended up buried under snow. The new 'Godzilla' flick? No. That would remind her of Sousuke, and she had no desire to watch Tokyo go up in flames. The feature that won at the recent Asian Films Festival? Yeh, right! A romance tragedy. It was so great being in First Class, wasn't it? At least she had a fair amount of leg room. More than Sousuke would have in Arbalest. "Those kinds of thoughts aren't going to help."

Kaname began reliving every moment she and Sousuke had spent together, her own kind of in-flight movie. She started seeing things in a different light. He truly was a fish out of water! No, there was a better analogy. He was a bull in a China shop. No, a _bullet_ in a China shop. One bullet? Sousuke? How about a pistol, three grenades, and a block of C4 in a China shop? Did it matter, as long as he was _her_ fish, bull, bullet, or bag full of weapons? Any way, he was getting better, wasn't he? If not, he would be soon enough, like it or not. She'd make certain of that. Before, he had been subconscious project of hers. Now, he would be in for a purposeful make-over. No, she was not going to be like those foolish girls who tried to change their boyfriends. She was just going to smooth out the rough edges.

_It wasn't her fault that Sousuke was one big rough edge!_

Kaname thought. She smiled. She laughed. She cried. At one point, she was pleased when the stewardess was able to bring her the stationery she asked about. She wrote Sousuke a letter, starting over a number of times, wanting to get it just right. She fell asleep in the process. When the Captain came on the overhead announced that the plane was lining up for final approach, Kaname woke up and wondered where all of the time had gone. Looking out the window, she saw a huge expanse of lights. They were flying over the city, headed for John F. Kennedy International Airport. Lower and lower they dropped, until she could make out countless cars headed this way and that. Before she knew it, they were merely a few feet above the runway.

During the long slow journey to the tarmac, Kaname briefly forgot about her worries and concerns. It had been a while since she had seen her father and sister. She felt the anticipation building. Suddenly it was worth every yen to be First Class. She could get off the plane before the restless multitude milling behind her.

Walking up the ramp leading to the waiting area, Kaname felt her pulse quicken. She had an urge to break into a run. She was almost there. Someone was jumping up and down, waving her arms in the air. It was Ayame, of course. Seeing Kaname, her sister ran over to an area marked off by shiny silver poles and long felt-covered ropes. Walking sedately behind her was a well-dressed middle-aged man with glasses. Her father.

"Kaaa-_naaaa_-mayyyyy!" Ayamae's enthusiastic shout reminded Kaname of Kyouko. Thinking about her friend suddenly put Kaname somewhat on edge again. "Here, let me take your carry-on bag." Her sister's smile looked too big to fit on her face.

"Kaname." Her father's terse acknowledgement was not accompanied by his usual affable smile and nod of the head. Instead, his major expression seemed to be one of relief. Kaname began to feel the pressure weighing down on her again, especially after the two drunken officials from the plane brushed past her.

She knew what she wanted to do. She wanted to mess up Ayame's hair and annoy her stoic father with a public show of affection. She knew what she wanted to say, planning on asking Ayame if she had a boyfriend and thanking her father for the airline ticket. The first words out of her mouth did not follow that script. "Daddy, what's going on?" Kaname shocked herself and her father with the volume of her voice and the rush of her words.

"Kaname?" Her father was somewhat taken aback. He looked at the people surround him and his two daughters. His eyes narrowed somewhat when he looked at Kaname. That was not the polite greeting he expected. The subject matter was one he didn't want to deal with at the moment. "Is that the way you greet your father?" It was a rhetorical question. Kaname cringed.

Ayame shook her finger at Kaname in mock severity, blushing when she saw her father catch her in the act.

"I apologize, father." Kaname bowed. "I am very happy to see you. You honor me by picking me up in person. I wish to thank you for the opportunity to come for a visit"

Ayame put on a big show of wiping her eyes, standing where her father couldn't see her. Kaname scowled at her.

"That's better. A father should expect courtesy from his eldest child, especially as an example to another child who could stand to pay more attention to the family traditions." Her father looked over at Ayame.

"Yes, father." Kaname grinned at the look on Ayame's face. Her sister was none too pleased about that.

"Well then. Let us meet the limo driver down at the baggage carousel. You can identify your luggage for him. As we walk, you can update me on your academic accomplishments at school." Her father nodded his head and began walking. Kaname stood still, her heart beating faster and faster.. "Kaname?" Her father turned to see why she was not walking just behind him.

Kaname squared her shoulders and set her jaw. She tried to control her rapid breathing. "Father, I respectfully ask, what is going on? I have a right to know."

The look on her father's face was one of sheer disbelief. "Kaname Chidori, you need to mind your manners." Her father's voice was stern and unforgiving. "This is neither the time nor the place for any such discussion. That is assuming there will ever be such a discussion." Without waiting for a reply, he turned and began walking again.

"That's just it father. I need to know if there is time. I want to know if there will still be a place. My friends are all back there, Daddy. I want to get some idea what Sousuke might be headed into." Kaname knew she had made a mistake, the moment that Sousuke's name left her mouth.

Ayame knew it too. She smiled, looking like a cat who swallowed a particularly plump canary. 

"We do indeed need to have a talk, Kaname. I thought that living in America had been the cause of your vaguely rebellious nature, and that spending time back in Japan would bring back the obedient daughter I so cherish." Her father began walking yet again. Kaname followed, glad he hadn't zeroed in on her faux pa. "After we identify the luggage, you will do me a service by informing me about this Sousuke." Her father spoke without ever looking back.

Kaname stumbled ever so slightly.


	17. Chapter 17

Kaname was feeling guilty.

In part, it was an ingrained thing. She hated to disappoint her father in any way. She had been rude and impatient.

When she had time, she would blame it all on Sousuke. She had gotten too used to behaving that way around a certain infuriating young soldier. "That moody military maniac has sure rubbed off on me," she said quietly to herself, standing in the parking garage at the airport.

A large dark blue Lincoln limousine sat near one curb. The driver stood patiently. Kaname and her family made their way inside the car. Ayame was all smiles. Her father's scowl deepened by the moment. Kaname was doing a check of the car.

'Hmmm. Daddy is High Commisioner on Environmental Issues at the U.N. Why would he rate the use of this car?' Kaname noted the U.N. plates as she kept her thoughts to herself. It wouldn't be necessary to run a check on them. Right?

She checked the windows. They were bulletproof glass of the highest grade. She inspected the tires. Run flat. Good! She did a quick scan of the undercarriage and wheel wells, making certain not to get her clothes dirty. Swift and efficient in her actions, she ignored the faces her sister was making at her. She caught a view of her father looking this watch.

"May I look under the hood, please?" Kaname smiled at the driver's look. He quickly acquiesced. Everything appeared in order. No mysterious boxes or pouches. No sign of radio receiving equipment or remotely controlled servo devices. The trunk also looked fine. She gave the limo driver a thumbs up, then went back to join the others. "OK, we're ready to roll. My stomach's growling. I could certainly go for some breakfast!" She looked at her watch, set to EST. "Or, I should say supper."

Her father didn't say a thing. He just kept staring at her, trying to find the right words.

"Daddy?" Kaname couldn't imagine what might be bothering her father now. Was he still building up steam after hearing Sousuke's name?

Ayame was giggling. Life was always so much more interesting when Kaname was around.

"Kaname... your behavior... are you on drugs?" The way her father said it made Kaname go cold. He wasn't joking.

**"Father!"** Kaname felt insulted. What had brought _that_ on?

"I worry about you, Kaname. It is not an easy thing, having a daughter half a world away." Those words hit Kaname like a cart full of bricks. It was wonderful that her father cared; but, the possibility that he might want to permanently bring her back within his sphere of influence made her very uneasy. She would have to watch her every step. One wrong slip of the tongue could prove disastrous. She might not be in harm's way like Sousuke, but it appeared that she might very well be on a mission of her own. It was her task to maintain... or regain... the privilege of staying in Tokyo by herself.

That thought was ironic. Two years ago…when her father and Ayame had moved back to New York… she had been devastated when she was left on her own. Kaname had agreed to the move and concurred with all of the arguments; but, it had almost felt as if she were being abandoned or left behind.

"I'm a big girl now, Daddy. You and Mother did a fine job of raising me. It's not too long before I head off for college. You need to have faith in me. I know right from wrong." She kept her eyes on her father's face, even though she had the urge to take in the sights of the city at night.

Kaname's words were meant to be reassuring. Her father looked anything but relieved. He took a pen out of his pocket and began twirling it around. It was a nervous habit that people rarely saw. "Do you, Kaname?" The pen stopped. His eyes scoured Kaname's face, as if looking for written proof otherwise. "Your behavior in the lobby was unpleasant. Your obsession with the automobile was disconcerting. Your mention of a young man raises a number of serious questions."

Kaname's muscles tightened. She had never enjoyed the Father-Daughter talks. Her father was well-meaning, but his approach would better fit a Drill Sergeant. If she showed him one shred of weakness or one reason to doubt, he would be all over her. He was definitely unhappy about her impatience in the waiting area. Her safety check of the car seemed somewhat odd to him. But, given the politician in him, it was the words he most casually uttered that had the greatest significance. He was most worried about her behavior around boys.

_Sousuke._

Kaname's attention was briefly hijacked by some motion outside the car. They were stopped in traffic. Men were walking around with squeegees, holding cups of coins in their hands. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Her thoughts quickly returned to her father. There was good reason to be nervous. Depending on the things he might ask, she could be faced with a difficult choice. She did not want to lie. But, what secrets could she safely share with him? What would the fact that she had been hiding things of such colossal nature do to his trust in her? Might the truth frighten him enough to bring her back overseas?

It would be a good time to move the conversation as far away from Sousuke as possible. "Father, I respectfully ask, may we now discuss the real reason you brought me in for a visit at such short notice? I was originally worried about your health and Ayame's. Now I'm worried about world events." There was no deception in Kaname's look or voice. She was concerned. Very much so.

"It still remains be seen whether or not we will discuss that matter at all. Your attitude and willingness to confide in me will go along way in helping me make my own decisions. First there is an issue much closer to home. I would appreciate your cooperation." Shunya pushed his glasses further up his nose. " Please do not attempt to skirt the issue any longer."

Kaname remained silent. She coul simply say that Sousuke was a boy that she had begun dating. It would be true. Not telling the full truth was not the same things as telling a lie, was it?

"Well?" Shunya obviously expected her to know what was on his mind, and to be responsible enough to initiate the conversation. His shoe toe began tapping ever so subtly. Ayame giggled. That earned her a scowl from Kaname and her father.

"Sousuke?" Kaname asked, sighing. Her father wouldn't let go of the subject until he heard her answer.

"Precisely. I take it that he is a friend of yours. It _is_ a he, isn't it?" Her father took off his glasses and began cleaning them. He did it without taking his eyes off of Kaname's face, as blurry as it was.

"Yes Father. Sousuke is a classmate of mine. I consider him to be my friend." Kanam had kept her voice even and smooth. It was a minor victory.

Shunya looked at her intensely. He put his glasses back on. His eyes seemed to bore right into her skull. His hand twitched repeatedly. "When you say friend, do you mean a platonic companion... or a boyfriend?" His voice was deceptively quiet. Still, to Kaname, the word 'boyfriend' sat there expectantly, like a landmine just waiting for a foot.

"Father, that's..." Kaname was not in the mood to be grilled about Sousuke. Not with him going into harm's way. Not with her being worried about her friends. A small petulant part of her thought that turnabout is fair play.

"Your personal business? Well, unless you have forgotten, you are _my _personal business." Hearing that tone of voice, Ayame no longer looked amused. She looked out of the car window. She wanted to put her fingers in her ears.

"But..."

"There will be no 'buts' Kaname. None whatsoever. You know what my expectations were of you. No dating before you had finished high school and taken your examinations. How long have you been keeping this a secret from me?"

"Father..."

**"HOW LONG?" **Shunya almost never raised his voice to anyone, not even his subordinates at work.

"We never actually had a chance to go out on our date, father. We were planning to go out for dinner last night." Kaname was not about to say anything about Belles Des Belles. She was unable to keep her disappointment out of her voice. Her confession could have ended her father's version of the Spanish Inquisition, but it did not. Figuratively speaking, there was blood in the water. Her father could be more persistent than any shark alive.

"Ayame, did _you_ know anything about this?"

Her father's tact caught Ayame entirely off guard. Without even stopping to think, she answered. "I'm not supposed to say anything, father." Immediately after blurting that out, she looked shocked and upset. It was an innocent answer, but it sounded bad.

"I see. Well then. Up until this time, what has this Sousuke been to you?" The absolute flat quality to his voice was much more frightening than his earlier outburst was.

"He was my friend, father..." Kaname stopped when she saw her father's hand grab the arm rest. Her father deserved an answer. He always had, but events had finally forced her hand.  
"Daddy, is this cabin secure?" Kaname looked at the glass partition between them and their driver. She hoped that there was no chance of being overhead, given the sensitive nature of what she was about to say. Given its use in diplomatic service, the limousine should be routinely swept for bugs and the like.

"What?" The question caught her father by surprise. _"Why?"_ He saw the look in Kaname's eyes and quickly answered "Yes, as best as I can determine."

"He's my bodyguard, father." The words spilled out of her easily.

Kaname's father sat upright, pulling his shoulder belt out to its limit. His mouth hung open briefly. "Why would a high school girl need a body guard? Have you gotten yourself into some kind of trouble, young lady?" He looked irate for a moment, but soon went pale. "Could this have something to do with _my_ position? Did someone attempt to harm you as a way to get at me?" He looked over at Ayame, wondering if he had reason to be concerned for her as well.

At that moment, Kaname realized that there was something that she needed to do later. While she had never heard anything that made her believe that the Whispered condition was hereditary, she would make certain that Ayame did not mutter technical terms in her sleep.

"Is this about me, Kaname?" Her father's teeth were clenched.

Kaname shook her head. She hesitated a moment. It was hard to get the words to leave her lips. She had to tell him, even though she had been discouraged from letting anyone know. The last thing that Mithril wanted was a U.N. official to start looking into their business, much less get proof of their existence. Kaname would simply have to trust her father's judgment. This was tricky business. There were places she would have to draw the line.

"I'm Whispered, father."

Shunya obviously had never heard that term before. "Whispered? Are you saying you hear voices? Is it some kind of psychiatric disorder. If so, why didn't you..."

Kaname shook her head. Despite her acceptance of her condition, she began to cry. The response triggered the paternal instinct in her father. His eyes softened and his posture relaxed. "I'm not certain what it really is, father. All I know is that my brain contains secrets about Black Technology, science well beyond anything known by routine researchers. I was once told that I contained such information before I was even born."

Kaname's father looked as if he didn't want to believe what he had just heard. "How can this be so? And why is this the first time I've heard any of this? Couldn't you have confided in your own father?" The anger began to creep back in.

Kaname shook her head again, wiping away her tears. "It would have been too dangerous. I've been kidnapped multiple times as it is, Daddy. You knew about the trouble in Khanka. That made the world news. I've been hurt. Bad men have tried to take the information from me. The only reason I ever feel safe is..."

Her father looked helpless for a moment. Kaname had never seen anything like that, not even when he was dealing with her mother's terrible illness. He ran a hand through his hair and put his serious face back on. "How can any of this be more than a tall tale?"

Suddenly, the car swerved. Everybody was shaken momentarily as the driver stepped hard on the brake and blew the horn. A taxi had run through a red light. Things had been very close. It took a while for everyone to gather their senses.

"You feel safe because of your bodyguard. This Sousuke. Is _that_ it?"He father picked up where they had left off. Kaname nodded. "What is he? Mob family? Private personal defense firm? Japanese military? Just some punk who has an inflated opinion of himself? Someone working for a professional guard service? And how does he remain close enough to maintain your safety?"

Kaname correctly read the dual meaning of the question. It was both a query and a statement. 'How can he be at school so much of the time?' and 'He better not be spending the night in your domecile!' She bit her lip. It was one thing to reveal that she was Whispered. Mentioning Mithril specifically would be a much greater risk. She didn't want their protection withdrawn. She didn't want Sousuke pulled away from her! "He's a fellow student, Daddy." That much was easy. It was true. "He is also a soldier."

"A soldier? How old?" Shunya looked incredulous.

"Seventeen, Father. My age."

"A soldier at seventeen? The Japanese armed forces would never indoctrinate someone at that age. How would he have time to begin training, if he is always at school? That doesn't make any sense." Shunya scrutinized his daughter's face, looking to see if he could catch any sign of a lie.

"He's not Japanese military, Daddy. He's been a fighter since he was eight years old. He's somewhat unique." Kaname couldn't help but smile. That word certainly described a certain clueless Sergeant.

Kaname's father could not help but catch that smile. He was too upset to purse that more narrow line of questioning just yet. "Intelligence agency?"

"No, Daddy." Kaname knew he would get upset if she kept him guessing any longer. "Not really. It is a secret organization, father. I shouldn't use the name, not even with you. They work for world peace, trying to remain undetected. They make it a point to protect the Whispered. For now, they protect me. If they believe I am any kind of risk to them..."

Her father's face went ashen. For as few moments he sat in silence, fidgeting. Finally, he cleared his throat and spoke. "I occasionally overhear things I shouldn't. Information comes to me about things I am not supposed to be privy to. Recently, with events as they are, I have caught wind of a name. I have heard rumors of a miraculous submarine." Her father's hand shook slightly.

Kaname was certain she knew what her father was going to say. She was concerned about the words he had used. 'With events as they are.' What events? She still had no idea what was going on!

"Mithril." Shunya sat stiffly, one corner of his mouth twitching. Kaname didn't respond. She didn't have too. Her face gave all the answer her father needed. "So. They _do_ exist. Then there's hope." Kaname instinctively knew that her father was talking about some bigger picture, not about her situation. "If you are in danger Kaname, why isn't this Sousuke with you? Are we being shadowed by him or people from his group?" Her father looked out of the rear window of the car.

Kaname couldn't help herself. She hated to be so weak, but the emotional roller coaster she was riding had taken its toll. She began crying again.

"Kaname?"

"I told you he was unique, Father. He is. He is someone very special. Bodyguard is not his primary duty. He..." Kaname faltered, putting her face in her hands. Her father waited patiently, his heart going out to her. He had only seen her cry like this two times in the past: when her mother died, and when she learned she would be living alone in Tokyo without him or her sister. Kaname made a Herculean effort. She set her jaw and shook her head. Her fingernails pushed deep into her palms. "He's not just a soldier, Daddy. He's a Specialist. He was called back to base to prepare for an upcoming operation. He had no idea where he might be going." Kaname's eyes grew very bright. She stared at her father. She wanted answers. "Do you, father?"

Her father looked torn. Kaname knew he was wrestling with his own difficult decision He would feel compelled to tell her something. It was a matter of how much should he divulge. "We will speak about it when we get back to the apartment. There is nothing we can do about it, any way. Furthermore, there is nothing we _should _ find ourselves doing about it." The meaning was clear. No phone calls to anyone, no matter what. "I shouldn't do it at all, but..." Shunya continued, taking off his glasses and slowly rubing his eyes.

"Daddy?"

"You've given me a lot more to digest than I wanted, Kaname!" Her father managed a laugh, but Kaname knew it was forced. "While it may be disconcerting to me as your father, it must have been much worse for you. No doubt, being who you are, you have handled it all with courage and good grace. But, don't think you have to carry the whole load yourself, lambkin." He reached out his hand and tapped her wrist. Smiling, he pushed aside a lock of her hair.

Kaname's lip began to tremble. Her father hadn't used that nickname for more years than she could remember. The tears almost began to fall again, until she caught the look on Ayame's face. Of course she couldn't help but listen in! If that little brat even so much as whispered 'lambkin', she would be in for a world of hurt. "Thank you, Daddy."

"I think I would like to meet the young man who has the important job of guarding my daughter." He noted the shocked look on Kaname's face. His eyes squinted. "If he manages to... what I mean to say is whenever it is convenient for you both. I will pay for the plane tickets, naturally." Her father was making it a point to be generous, not only in money, but in holding off on making any big choice.

Kaname didn't have any illusions. He could change his mind if he had reason to suspect she was better off with him and her sister. "But..."

"Yes. Let me put it this way. You wish to hear about sensitive matters. I would like to meet the boy who holds your fate in his hands. It is nice to have things of value to exchange, isn't it? Of course, with family, there is no need to view things that way."

Ayame turned a incredulous look on her father. Kaname swallowed. She knew she couldn't refuse his request. She might as well get something out of it. "If it is possible for Sousuke, I will do so, Father." She bowed her head. It would onlt be an issue if Sousuke came back safe and sound. If he did, could he get permission to fly to the States? She knew what the answer would be if his commanders ever suspected that Kaname blew his cover.

"Very good. So, while we inch our way through this pleasant city traffic, perhaps you can give your sister and I a preview of sorts. I would like to hear all about this Sousuke. His background. His training. What types of situations the two of you have faced. Your evaluation of his performance." He smiled a crocodile's smile. "Everything..."

So that's it! The offer might be real, but the whole thing would serve as a means to get her to talk. Kaname remembered why she hated every politician except her father. As far as she was concerned, diplomats were politicians, whether or not they had to run for office.

"Uh..."

**"KANAME."**

"As you wish, Father." Kaname pilled her hair away from her face. She frowned, noticing one disheveled cab driver giving their chauffer the finger.

"Lets start with his hands, young lady." That tact caught her off guard.

_"Hands?"_ She had no idea what he was after.

"Yes, as in 'has he put them all over you?' Did the young man ever try to take advantage of you?" Her father's look was very fierce.

"Sousuke?" Kaname couldn't help but laugh. "He'd be the last person who would ever do that! You'd have to look far and wide to find someone that clueless. You might even need a special order catalog!"

"Really?" Her father didn't look convinced.

"Yes, Father." Kaname's mood sobered up quickly. "Sousuke takes his job very seriously. He wouldn't let anything hurt me. He would die for me. He has risked his life on a number of occasions." Kaname did not add that Sousuke was the cause of a number of such occasions.

"But, he asked you out on a date..." It sounded as if Kaname's father equated that with Kidnapping, Murder and Rape. Sousuke was guilty until proven innocent.

Kaname blushed. She had to tell the truth. Hopefully there wouldn't be a verbal explosion. "No, Father. I asked him."

Shunya sat quietly. He didn't move. Ayame drew a finger across her neck, pretending to cut her throat.

"I see. It looks as if we will have a lot to talk about during your stay in New York. If Tokyo is as dangerous for you as you make it sound, then that stay may become very long." The sound of his voice was well-oiled, like a bear trap being set in the open position.

"Father, terrorist organizations can go anywhere. I would think this city knows that more than any other. I'm not in danger because I live in Tokyo. I'm in danger because I'm Whispered. I'm still alive because of Sousuke, who has been assigned to me in Tokyo. I seriously doubt that there is anyone else my age that could do what he does."

"You seem very proud of this young man. Dare I say very attached? Enamored? More?" Her father would not resort to innuendo. He didn't have to. His question was straight to the point.

"Yes, Father. All of those; but, only lately. For most of the time, I was annoyed and irritated. What did I need with someone following me around, always seeming to be there, claiming it was coincidence? It seriously creeped me out!"

**"Good!"** Her father looked embarrassed at his reaction.

Kaname blinked, then set her jaw. OK, Father. It's out in the open now. My turn! Ayame broke out laughing. She breathed on the window, fogging it up. She traced a big heart before wiping it away. Kaname took little notice. She was about to walk a much more serious path.

"But then things happened. He was forced to reveal his identity and mission. We almost didn't come home." Kaname couldn't believe how easily she could talk about things that had turned her world up side down.

"Start from the beginning, Kaname. Do not leave anything out." Shunya's voice was stern, unyielding. But, he hadn't been able to mask a sudden burst of fear.

"We were on the class trip to Okinawa. I still thought Sousuke was some kind of military nut. He was in the doghouse because I caught him on my balcony holding a pair of my panties." Kaname bit her tongue. Yes, she had become too blasé talking about extraordinary and unusual things. Damn that Sousuke!

**_"WHAT!"_**

"He wasn't the panty thief, Father. He had seen the culprit sneaking around my apartment and stopped him. I didn't know that. I slammed him pretty hard with my softball bat."

Ayame clapped her hands, giggling. "See Daddy. Sounds like your usual high school romance."

Shunya looked at Ayame. Then at Kaname. Then at Ayame again. He shook his head and sighed. "I have a suspicion that I am going to end up in a hospital ward before hearing the end of this. Or, you will end up in St. Mary's convent. Both of you. Please continue."

Kaname gave her sister the best 'Just you wait' look she could. Just whose side was she on? It was time to sell Sousuke, even though her father was not in any mood to buy. "As you know, terrorists took over the plane. When we landed in Khanka, I was taken off of the aircraft and brought to a portable laboratory. I was placed in a machine, and would have been drugged. I don't doubt that I would have eventually disappeared, never to be seen again."

Kaname's father looked stricken. It all sounded like something out of a spy novel or a bad TV movie. His daughter was obviously not joking.

"Sousuke was ordered to protect the hostages on the plane. They were a greater priority than one girl, Whispered or not. He disobeyed. He shot the guards who were manhandling me...covered my underwear with his school uniform... and then dragged me off to a truck. He told me who he was while we drove off under heavy fire. I didn't believe him. Seeing enemy Arm Slaves coming towards us, he crashed through the door into a hangar building. He surprised me by getting inside one of the machines himself. The others never stood a chance, Daddy." Kaname still had trouble accepting the things that Sousuke did. How could someone be so masterful in some ways, but so clueless in others? "He's one of the best A.S. pilots in Mithril."

It was a bit too much for her father. He looked out of the window for a number of blocks, lost in his own thoughts. Suddenly his head shot up. His eyes narrowed. Kaname would have sworn that he was fighting back a grin. "So, he refused a direct order? Not the most dependable sort then."

Kaname almost shouted. With all that she had said, her father was obviously drowning in the truth. What did he grab for as a life preserver? The chance to discredit the boy his daughter was interested in? "You couldn't be more wrong." Her voice snapped like a wet towel swung at someone's unguarded posterior. "I like to think he took my safety very seriously." Shunya looked away, then nodded. He yielded that point. Kaname went on to describe everything in detail, finishing with her stay in the hospital. "He gave me the picture father. It's in my suitcase. I will show it to you when we get home."

Kaname thought back to the time in her apartment. She saw the package fly through the air. She heard the sound of breaking glass. She remembered the way she felt when she realized just what Sousuke had given her.

"That was the worst of it all?" Her father didn't want to believe there could be anything worse than that episode. "Nothing so horrible has happened since then?" His eagerness could be paternal concern. Still, there was a hint that he was looking for a reason to devalue his daughter's protector.

Kaname actually smiled, despite the frightening and painful memories she had. They were a pretty good team, Sousuke and her! The smile went away as quickly as it had appeared. Tessa had helped as well. Now was not the time for her mind to become rebellious. She shook away the image of Sousuke comforting Tessa. "No, Daddy. That maniac did not die. He devised a clever plan that would have succeeded, if it hadn't been for Sousuke and myself."

**_"YOU?"_**

"Yes, Father." Kaname went on to describe the attempted hijacking of the TDD-1. Her father's face seemed to turn to stone when she told him of the abilities she had discovered. She went on to describe things in too much detail, spurred on by her own pride. It might prove to be a costly mistake. Her father was no doubt struck by the fact that she was proud of the role she played. He might wonder if being around Sousuke made her reckless and foolhardy. He could very well see Sousuke as the world's largest lightning rod.

_What had she done?_

"It seems plain to me that you would not have gotten into trouble if that soldier had not asked you to go on a trip with him!" Shunya's eyes flashed. "And you never went so far as to tell me why you chose to accept the offer to go away somewhere with a boy, alone." His hands opened and closed with each beat of his heart.

Sousuke, what should I do? What would _you_ do? Yes. I know. Kaname squared her shoulders and tossed her hair. She was going to attack this head on, whatever the cost. She owed it to herself. She owed it to Sousuke. If she had to stretch the truth some, so be it! "I will tell you something in the strictest confidence, Father. The Captain of that submarine is a girl my age. She designed the Tuatha De Danaan. She's Whispered too. At her orders, Sousuke brought me aboard to visit with her. It was so she could explain to me what being Whispered meant." That was essentially true. Sousuke had actually meant to show her Mithril's island, and to take her to that secret fishing place.

Her father relaxed some, but was not about to give up that easily. "But, you almost died because of Mithril. Is all the protection in the world worth _that?_ Are they causing more problems than they are solving?" to jump.

Kaname caught her tongue in time. She almost said that Sousuke was worth any risk. That would have been the final nail in her coffin. She wasn't even entirely certain if that was true. She still had a lot to find out about a certain walking natural disaster. "I know you want to protect me Father, and I can't tell you how much that means to me." Kaname's eyes teared up. She hated arguing with her father. Things between them had always been a touch stiffer since her mother die. Her father obviously was afraid to lose anyone else. "But, all the love in the world won't keep me safe. This is hard on me, you know. I didn't ask for it. I live it day after day. I'm doing my best."

Ayame unbuckled her seat belt. She reached over and squeezed Kaname's hand, tears in her eyes.

Shunya looked down, shaken. He had lost sight of the forest, so worried about the trees. He opened his mouth, but didn't know what to think or say at that moment.

"Very few people officially know about the Whispered, Father. You could imagine what people might do or think if they became common knowledge. As far as I know, Mithril and her secret allies are the only people looking out for us. Had that submarine been stolen, the organization would have been seriously hurt. Those like me would be fair game." Kaname rested her chin on her clasped hands.

Her father nodded his head. He could see the truth in her words. He just didn't want to accept the new world he was faced with.

"If Sousuke and I didn't end up on that submarine, there's no telling what might have happened. You made it sound like you had word of the sub's existence. It certainly looked like you took comfort from that fact. We saved it, Daddy. The two of us, and the Captain."

"I see that, but this young man..."

Kaname brought both of her hands down hard, striking them painfully against her knees. "His name is Sousuke, Father." At that moment, Kaname couldn't hold back her emotions any more. And, he kissed me. "I know I have told you that." I want him to kiss me again. "You don't even know him." He means the world to me. "He... is... _not_... the... enemy!" Kaname knew how her words must sound. She may very well have crossed some important line in the sand. But, she would stand up for Sousuke. He was standing up for Japan at the very least, probably the entire world. He deserved no less.

Ayame looked shocked. Neither of them had ever talked to their father that way.

Shunya felt indignant at first, but soon realized just how worried his daughter must be. She had said the young man would be headed into battle, and that likely meant that he would end up in the middle of the Asian situation. He didn't know the full details of that crisis, since it wasn't germane to his position. He knew more than enough to be frightened out of his wits. That was why Kaname was in America. "I apologize, Kaname. It is ungracious and insensitive of me. I'm not trying to hurt you. You have to realize that to some fathers, any boy who takes an interest in their daughter is the enemy. I mean no disrespect to someone who has taken risks to keep you safe." He was clearly torn. It was important that his daughter see his side of things. This needed to be handled carefully. It couldn't be rushed.

The look on Kaname's face reminded Shunya of his late wife Shizu. She would look that way when he was being bull-headed and she felt she was right. He had lost her to cancer. He didn't want to lose his daughter over this.

"He isn't the enemy, Daddy." Kaname's voice was very quiet. The anger ran out of her as if someone pulled a plug. The fear remained and grew stronger. She was with the one man who had done the most for her, but she somehow felt so helpless. She put the car window down after disabling the security override. She placed her arm on the sill and her head on her arm. She breathed deep, taking in the smells of the night.

Countless homes, businesses, and apartment complexes lit up the darkness. She wondered how many of the people in those buildings took their safety for granted. She wondered how many of those people had someone they loved... someone who treasured them in return.

_It was Christmas Eve here._

She remembered celebrating the Christmas holiday for a number of years when she was younger. Christmas Eve, Japan time, had already passed, leaving her lonely, disappointed, and uncertain. Would she end up feeling the same way a second time, even though she was with two of the most important people in her life?

Kaname did not say another word before the car pulled into the driveway of her father's home.


	18. Chapter 18

There was little light.

There was no sound except for his rough and rasping breath.

Still, he knew he was in great danger. He was anxious. Afraid.

There were no smells other than his acrid sweat and the scent of dried blood. There was only one possible way out of the chasm. Something might be waiting for him there. Something definitely approached from behind.

The sense of despair wore heavily on him.

His mouth was dry. He could still taste the morning's meager rations... not what he would have chosen for his last meal. The hairs on his skin stood up. The cold air stung his face. He fought hard not to cough. His breath looked like trails of smoke spiraling up from a cigarette.

There was a burning feeling in his chest, as his lungs cried out for more air. His body needed water. Somehow, he needed to gain control of his situation. This was his territory. He had fought hard for it. There was no way he was going to surrender his independence. He would have vengeance on anything that sought to take away all that he had worked for.

Hate began building up within him. His pride threw out its chest. Consternation was a near palpable thing.

There was a sound. Something had stepped on a stick. No movement was seen on the wet clay slopes around him. The fog rose swiftly, almost malevolently. The ground began to tremble.

_Why?_

A great mass of shambling forms appeared at the crest of the surrounding hills. They sighted him. Horrid undulating cries filled the air as they descended like a living avalanche, knocking each other down in their need to reach him first. Mud flew off of their feet. Arms were outstretched, hands held like claws.

Run! He had to run. If he stood still, the ravenous pack would take him to ground, covering him within moments. It would be the end. They must not reach him! If he could reach safety, he could keep it all.

He ran. His legs pumped fiercely as he jumped over obstacles and dodged around dangers that seemed to come out of nowhere. Fear ran in his veins. Panic beat in time with his heart. They were closing in. There were too many of them to avoid. His doubt clung to him like a second skin. He tried to shake off the feeling of shame. This was not a matter of courage. It was a matter of survival.

_Why?_

"Stop asking questions. Run!"

The loping shapes cut off his route of escape. Their numbers grew as they formed a ring around him. They walked forward, slowly, step by step. They wanted him. He could taste their eagerness. He could smell their killing lust.

"Back! All of you get back! Go away! Just leave me alone..."

Faces. He could make out faces. Somehow, they seemed familiar. There was a rugged face with a beard... a laughing face framed by long blonde hair... a scowling face with a hawk like nose... a fresh soft face flanked by a thick braid... a pert young face framed by ponytails... a brazen face with a cigarette... so many different faces... and the last one... that last one... the hungriest looking one... the one hidden by the swaying blue hair...

**"NOOOOOO-O-O-O-O-O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o..."**

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"Sergeant, are you OK? Sergeant Sagara, please wake up. You're in the medical area. It was just a nightmare."

Tony Damaio shook Sousuke gently. He disconnected some wires and removed the hood-like device from the younger man's head.

"What?" Sousuke was disoriented. He tried to move his arms. He couldn't. They must be holding him down. His throat was exposed. "Let... me... go..."

The technician pushed a button on his intercom. "Sorry to disturb you again Dr. Schacher, but he's going through another episode. This one is worse than before."

"I'll be right over. Turn the dial down to 1200 until I decide otherwise."

Tony looked down at Sousuke. The young man was having a rough time acclimating to the process. He couldn't imagine what he must be thinking or feeling.

"Any idea what this one is centered on, Tony?" Dr. Schacher walked in the room, putting on his white coat. Walking over to a monitor, he ran through Sousuke's vital signs. "Draw some venous blood. Run the same panel as last time."

"Yes, doctor. I think he sounded afraid. I would bet this one is centered on fear." The medical technician drew some blood from a port in Sousuke's left antecubital fossa, making certain to swab it with alcohol first.

"No... please...just stay away..." Sousuke opened his eyes. He looked uncertain of his surroundings at first, but slowly began to settle down.

"Sousuke. Can you hear me, Sousuke?" Dr. Schacher shined a light in the young soldier's eyes. He took the stethoscope out of his coat pocket and auscultated the shivering boy's chest. "Sousuke, it was just another dream. It's OK. We won't let anything happen to you."

"I..." Sousuke let out a long sigh, then clenched his teeth. "I am back, Sir." He looked around the room as much as his position allowed. The surroundings were familiar. There was nothing out of the ordinary. The last vestiges of his night terrors ebbed away, without leaving a single trace or residue.

"Neurotransmitter levels are elevated, doctor. They are appropriate for the third stage." There was a definite hint of concern in Tony's voice. The process was only in its second phase.

"OK. Dial it down to 1000 and leave it there." Dr. Schacher looked down at Sousuke after passing along his instructions. "You've got some awfully strong walls up, young man. We're doing our damnedest to tear them down, but your defense mechanisms keep trying to build them back up again."

"It is not a problem." Sousuke's voice sounded worn and subdued.

"I wish we could give you something to ease your distress, but you reactions are all part of the process. Hopefully that was the worst of it. You should sleep like a baby when the sequence is finished." Dr. Schacher's voice would have sounded reassuring to anyone other than Sousuke.

The young sergeant's hearing seemed abnormally keen. There was a slight sibilance. The doctor was concerned... he smelled of sweat... a small vein in his neck pulsed.

"Affirmative." Sousuke closed his eyes, hoping to fall back to sleep.

"When his EEG shows slow waves again, trigger the next program. I'll be on call for the next hour. Contact Dr. Cannon-Bard after that if you need someone. This is has been difficult for all of us."

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The prey thought it was safe.

He could tell by the way its ears flickered about. The drooping tail was another clue.

The food animal sniffed the air. Reassured, its soft muzzle dipped back down into the tender long grasses. The subtle sound of its contented grazing thundered in his ears.

The scent was tugging at him, enticing him. He could not resist. Hunger. Need. Uncontrollable urges.

**"Now!"** He sprang out from his concealed position, mind running as quickly as his body. His every sense was screaming for attention.

"It... will... break... _that_ way!" He was correct. The prey wheeled to the right, churning up the soft ground with its frantic feet. This way and that way it darted, unable to gain any distance. Froth bubbled at the corner of its mouth.

A song of great joy rang in his ears. This was the proof of his existence. Even nature could not doubt his prowess. He was in awe of his own abilities. He was grateful to be at the apex of the natural hierarchy. He felt no compassion or sympathy for the one he chased.

**"AH HAH HAH HA hah hahahahaha haaaaaaaaaa..."**

His every bounding step felt as if it were in slow motion. Every breath of the clean crisp air encouraged him, spurring him on. The closer he came to the prey, the further he moved from conscious thought.

Kill. He had to kill. The acquisition of food was paramount.

Eat. He would feast, before his prey was even dead. Nothing would take his kill from him. He would protect it at all cost.

Live on. He would continue onward, well served by his unchallenged supremacy. Perpetuation. Independence. Physical need. Power. They all called to him. They pushed his eagerness to new heights.

He struck. A fierce blow to a leg tripped the prey, bringing it hard to the ground. He sank his long sharp claws deep into its flesh, holding it with no chance for escape. Remorseless, he clamped his jaws over its trembling neck and shook, breaking the spine.

Dragging the prey to a more suitable spot, he caught a glance of its lifeless face. It was familiar. It should be. It was his own.

**"No no no no no no no nooooooooooooooo..."**

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The cold water felt good going down his throat.

The cool towel on his forehead helped draw his attention away from the throbbing at his temples. Sousuke's vision had cleared, and his ragged breathing had returned to normal. He looked up into the concerned face of Dr. Cannon-Bard.

"It exhausted me just watching you, Sergeant. You certain are a bundle of energy. The monitors had quite a workout too." Sophia smiled, but her eyes gave hint of her concern.

"Can I turn the alarms back on, doctor? He's dropped far below the threshold again." Tony looked at a long strip of paper, noting the trend of Sousuke's more crucial parameters.

"Yes. It looks like he's over this hurdle." Sophia smiled down at Sousuke, amused by his exaggerated response to her proximity. She stepped back, not wanting him to trigger any adverse conscious response.

"I saw... Doctor, I saw..."

"_Shhhhhhh._ Let the memory go. Don't hold on. Don't try to think. Just let it slip away. It was only a dream." Sophia smiled. She almost had the urge to sing the troubled young man a lullaby.

"I... as you command."

"You're doing fine. You have nothing to worry about. Just close your eyes and relax. Drift back to sleep. I know you must be exhausted."

Sousuke closed his eyes. Dr. Cannon-Bard waved her hand, and held up seven fingers. Tony dialed the one machine down to 700. He bushed a number of toggles, switching amplitude and mode.

"The next stretch is critical. I'll sit here and watch, if you want to grab some coffee or a bite to eat, now's the best time." Sophia took a novel out of her lab coat and pulled up a chair. "I could use a latte if they have anything like _that_ on board."

"I won't be long." Tony left in a hurry. Slowly spinning his way down to sleep, Sousuke could smell the man's relief.

The footsteps seemed to stretch on forever.

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The images were more specific.

They were identifiable. He just couldn't place them.

No. He couldn't be bothered. His entire body literally trembled with need and anticipation.

That smell. It drew him. It excited him. He took a step closer. How had he held back this long.

Where had he seen those images before. It was something he had been given. But how could he be in the scene? It didn't matter! The warmth spread throughout him. His nostrils flared. His feet pawed at the ground.

The need was there. The drive urged him forward, but he still had some control. Lust. Uncontrollable lust. He was still able to reason. Somewhat.

Something seemed out of place. Why was he down on all fours? Was it him? How? Why? There was a nebulous memory of droning words, continuing on and on. Descriptions. Explanations. The low rumbling in his throat drowned them out. The timid bleating ahead of him set his brain on fire. He began walking forward, slowly.

Suddenly, he couldn't hold back any longer. There was no way to resist the biological imperative. He was a mindless animal with only one primal need. Mounting the object of his attention, he thrust deeply in, again and again, a layer of sweat forming on his woolen coat. Snorting, he slid his hooves further up, forcing his full weight down as his rear legs pushed him along.

Woolen coat? Hooves? Why would he have hooves? Just what had he been doing? Oh. It had to have been a ram, not him. He would never... no not at all... not with a sheep! He hadn't been feeling the movement. No, he had merely been watching. But, why would he want to do _that?_

Uh. That movie. The movie Kurz gave him. The one about the sheep breeding program. Why did he think about that?

"Kaname." What? Why was he thinking about _her _now? She wasn't in that movie! No. No need to see a vision of her now. Not after that! No. I don't know that she looks like that. I haven't seen her naked. Well, not actually. That white bikini did leave little to be imagined, though. The projected image of her during the hijack attempt was only minimally censored.

**"Stop!"**

It was too much. He hadn't even grown comfortable thinking about the possibility of love. How could he deal with thoughts of physical pleasure? There was no way he could give into lust.

How could he even be feeling such a thing?

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Sousuke startled himself awake.

A quick look around the room reassured him that Kaname wasn't present. There were no sheep to be seen. His breath caught in his throat. His eyes widened.

A part of his anatomy was still under involuntary control. His hospital gown formed a tent over his groin area. How long was that erection going to last? Hopefully no one would be paying close attention to him. The machines were all quiet. Mr. Damasio was busy leafing through a magazine, facing in the other direction.

"That must have been some dream." Sophia's words caused Sousuke to flinch. They did not cause any sudden detumescence.

"Uh...I..." Turning his head, he saw Dr, Cannon-Bard seated in a chair, a book on her lap. She made it a point to keep her eyes on his face.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, you should be quite pleased. Are you an overachiever n everything?" She tried not to laugh. The look on the young soldier's face was classic. "If it goes on much longer, we might need to worry about priapism."

"Uh...what..."

Watching Sousuke's face turn dark red, Sophia couldn't resist a moment of mischief. "Tony, put that magazine down for a moment. There are some measurements you need to make."

Tony turned around, then swore. "That's just not right. Lucky bastard." He quickly turned away. There are some things men are not supposed to look at. There are unwritten rules.

"Uh..." Sousuke tried his best to fall immediately back to sleep. His mind would have nothing to do with it.

"Was she pretty?" The doctor hid a smile behind her hand. The young man's innocence was so charming. And, she wasn't being unkind. He needed to be distracted while the next stage of the process began.

"Uh... it wasn't really about her...uh... it was from a movie I saw." Sousuke swallowed. He was glad Kurz wasn't there. No doubt his considerate squad mate would have happily run down to Sousuke's quarters and looked for that tape. Why hadn't he thrown the thing away?

"OK. It must have been some movie? What was it called? I might want to get a copy of it..."

"Uh..."

A series of alarms went off.

"Doctor, his pulse is high and his blood pressure is rising at an alarming rate. There is increased muscle contractility in all leads. It looks like he's going into respiratory alkalosis." Tony gave Sophia one of his disapproving looks.

"OK. I get the message. At ease soldier." She hadn't meant it as a joke. She had to laugh when Sousuke stared down at the sheet. "It's time you settled down some. _Emotionally._ We're moving into the home stretch. You might dream a little more, but should ease into a refreshing sleep after that. We'll add some medication to your I.V. to help things along."

Sousuke was still red in the face when he fell back to sleep.

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"Sousuke, please don't go. I want you to stay with me. Let someone else go on this mission."

Kaname was wearing her white bikini. That didn't make much sense, as she wasn't standing out in the cold rain watching him walk away.

"You know I can't do that. This is too important." For some reason, he no longer had his weapon's bag in hand. Night had changed to day. He was standing with guys from a number of clubs, preparing for the girl hunt. He felt driven by a sense of honor. He needed to behave in accordance with the warrior's code of conduct, no matter what temptations he was faced with.

"You have to come back, you big jerk! Do you hear me?" Kaname, dressed in her mother's kimono, held the picture he had given her, gasping as she saw the patrol car start chasing their bicycle.

"I will do my best to come back, Kaname. I would never want anyone else to protect you!" Dressed in a biological protection suit, he stared down into Kaname's eyes. Holding a large carp in her arms, she smiled back at him, ignoring the crazed man with a chain saw. He felt a strong urge for her company. He didn't want to be alone. He was also curious. What might to the two of them share together if he did come back to her?

"You better not want that. Moron!" Putting down her sketch pad from art class, Kaname stepped within the circle of Sousuke's arms, looking for another kiss.

Silent, Sousuke leaned over to put his lips on hers, prevented from doing so by the Bonta-Kun suit he wore. Stepping out of the small mechanized craft, he handed Kaname the assignment book he had borrowed. The water trickling into the Onken was the only sound louder than the beat of his heart. He realized how much he wanted positive attention. Kaname seemed drawn to him. She wasn't likely to reject him if he let himself care.

A giant hand reached down from the sky, grabbing Kaname and lifting her away from him just as he was about to pull her close again. It was Codarl.

_"Hmmm."_ The amused utterance was followed by satisfied laughter. "This is a nice surprise, Kashim. How's Kalinin. What's that old chicken doing these days?" It was Gauron! He had Kaname. "It's fantastic to see you. It's fabulous, really great. I've got this new job, where I get to play around in the young girl's brain. It's like a treasure hunt."

Why did he have to take Kaname now? Pain and anxiety flooded him. He couldn't just ignore those feelings now. What could he do? "Treasure hunt?" Sousuke asked.

Looking at the towering Arm Slave, he saw that it was not alone. There were three men standing near it. One was dressed as a gardener. He carries a crossbow. Another was dressed like a chef. He brandished a wicked looking knife. The third looked like a fancy butler. He had a strange boller-type hat.

"Is that news to you?" Gauron chuckled. "I'll let that be my parting gift." Codarl turned and began to walk away. Kaname sat surrounded by its fingers.

**"Kaname!"** Sousuke ran after the retreating Arm Slave. His path was impeded by a group of Yakusa.

"I'm not scared," Kaname called down to him. "I'll be alright on my own." She did look frightened. A frying pan fell to the ground near Sosusuke.

He ran, ignoring the nearby man with a pony head. He didn't want to lose Kaname. He had finally realized that he had feelings for her. "You're not a burden, Kaname. I'm here because you've been here for me." He reached out his hand. She reached out her. Then she was gone.  
_No!_ Why? He wanted to be with her. What was wrong with that? Things began to fade to black.

"Did I wake you?" It was Gauron's voice again.

Safe inside of Arbalest, Souske looked with growing anger and hatred at the waiting form of Venom. Kaname was nowhere in sight. "I've had enough..." He growled. The need for vengeance boiled within him. He felt a great urge to move and to act. He could not afford to be powerless, now.

"I'm so delighted, my Kashim." That maniac sounded ecstatic.

Shit head! There was no Kashim! "Look Gauron, I'm sending you straight to Hell!"

"What are you going to do, honey? Do you think that I will let you finish me off in one blow like some mythical hero?" The arms of Venom were wrapped tightly around the ARX-7.

Enraged, and running out of time, Sousuke used his Arm Slave to repeatedly punch at Venom. Kaname activated the TDD-1's steam catapult system. He could see her spectral form. It was naked. But again, certain areas were blurred. Damn! Feelings churned inside of him. He was embarrassed. Looking down, he saw the hospital gown tent up. He began to fantasize about Kaname, until that despicable voice drew his attention again.

"My child, you have come to me my son. For who is your father if it is not me?" Gauron was dressed in an intricately carven metal breastplate. Long dark hair fell down across his shoulders. He looked a great deal like Thulsa Doom in 'Conan the Barbarian.' Sousuke tried to think about his real father. It was too hard. He couldn't push aside the current image. "Who gave you the will to live?" Gauron continued. "I am the wellspring from which you flow. When I am gone, you will have never been. What would your world be without me?" The voice was hypnotic, soothing.

The sword almost dropped from Sousuke's hand. He had been close to giving up. Instead, remembering the deaths of people he cared about, he grabbed Gauron's hair and was about to chop off his head at the neck. He drew his sword arm back. Something distracted him. He saw the spectral form of Kaname fade away. "Kaname. Come back. Please!"

The flooring tilted beneath his feet. Great splashes of water came crashing over the open flight doors. It was up to him and Arbalest. Everyone was depending on him. He felt a need to restore order. There had to be organization in his life. He grew weary of uncertainty and chaos. He also felt a need for independence. When would he have a chance to make his own decisions?

"Twenty seconds left... oopsie, I meant to say fifteen." Gauron laughed again, happy to take Sousuke and the others down with him. "It's sad. Just five seconds. I love you Kashim."

That bastard. If anyone were to say that to him, it should be Kaname. What was he thinking about? Love? He didn't even know what love was. He was simply a soldier. His job would always take him away. What business did he have thinking about love? He had only begun exploring his feelings for her.

The catapult fired. Gauron was already gone. He was the only one flung far off into the darkness. Naked, he tumbled through the air, watching as the receding form of Kaname grew smaller and smaller.

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Sousuke sat upward, grabbing for something to hold onto.

The room was poorly lit, but his eyes still felt sensitive to the light. The restraints were off. He looked down between his legs. There was no longer a reason to feel self-conscious.

A loud crunching noise filled his ears, like the sound of countless feet marking on a battlefield strewn with skulls. What was going on? Looking over towards the banks of monitors, he saw Tony Damasio spooning cereal into his mouth. For some reason, Sousuke found the noise offensive. He was indignant. For a moment, he was filled with contempt.

"He's awake, doctor." Tony spoke into an intercom, spilling a small amount of milk in the process. He turned to Sousuke, a shy smile on his face. "Welcome back to the land of the living!"

Sousuke didn't answer. He was sniffing the air. It had been a while since the other man showered. There was a hint of perfume in the air. Dr. Cannon-Bard had been in the room not too long ago. One of the machines was running very hard. The smell of hot metal and heated plastic tickled his nose.

"If you like, you can get back into your clothes. We've done all we're going to do here. As soon as you feel able, you're free to go. I'll call your Squad leader for you if you like." Tony pointed, showing Sousuke his neatly folded uniform.

The young soldier still did not reply. Goosebumps ran up and down his exposed skin. The examination table felt rather chill to his touch. His hospital gown hung loosely on him, but he was very aware of its weight and texture. The laundry personnel were apparently overly fond of start. He looked around the room. He found himself strangely interested in all of the machines and medical equipment. His curiosity was rarely this strong.

"Mr. Damasio, could you hold off on your phone call, please. I would like to eat before I resume my briefings." Sousuke felt ravenous, as if he had just spent a week living off grubs and lichen. The urge to eat was strong, distracting him. He had heard the footsteps far away, but didn't realize that Dr. Schacher was in the room until he spoke.

"Good morning, Sergeant. I hope you were able to get some rest. Your readings have all moved back into a normal range over the past couple of hours. If it wasn't for your eye movements and the ECG, we wouldn't have known you were dreaming again that last time." Dr. Schacher began performing a repeat routine physical examination. "Well, your reflexes are certainly hyperactive." The doctor narrowly escaped a foot to the groin after testing a deep tendon response. "That's not surprising. Things should stabilize over the next few hours." The ex-SEAL finished up the neurological portion of the exam. "When you're up to it, I want you to sit in your Arm Slave, getting a feel for it. Things may seem somewhat different to you, and it's best to become acclimated before things get busy. Do not engage the Lambda Driver, however. That will have to wait until the hour before launch. We need to prolong the final linkage as long as possible."

"Yes, doctor." Sousuke looked like he wanted to say more.

"Is there a problem, Sergeant?" Dr. Schacher had a suspicion what it might be.

"My senses, doctor. They are magnified. It is not a good thing, as I find myself greatly distracted. That is not all, it seems. I find that my emotions are growing more intense as well. That, and certain bodily reactions." Sousuke looked more concerned than embarrassed. He was greatly confused. He began to doubt himself. A profound sense of sadness began to envelope him.

"Ahhh. I heard about that last part. I do not think it will prevent you from performing your mission, soldier." The doctor smiled. "I told Dr. Cannon-Bard to leave that out of her report. Hopefully she will not mention it to that young Captain of yours." Sousuke's eyes went wild. He began to sweat. "I'm certain she'll be discrete, Sousuke. Patient confidentiality is a big thing in the medical field. That bit of information doesn't qualify as 'Need To Know.' The young lady would have to find that out on her own." The doctor asked Tony to summon Sophia.

Souske began to tremble ever so slightly. The thought of Captain Testarossa witnessing certain things left him feeling mortified. Worse, part of him felt as if it might be fun. His anxiety was overbearing. It threatened to blank out all of his thoughts. But, part of him held it off, establishing its own beach head. Eagerness. Interest. Desire. Hope. Why was he beset by all these things?

What did any of that have to do with the Captain?

For an instance, lust raised its head again. He had a vision of Cmdr. Mardukas with a large knife. He laughed as he fired one of the aft torpedo tubes. It had been loaded with something other than a torpedo. "It is not a problem." Sousuke clenched his teeth. He wanted that to be true.

Dr. Schacher ran through the results of the night's tests with him. When Dr. Cannon-Bard joined them, the two physicians talked to him about things he might expect to experience as a result of the procedure. They were hopeful, but couldn't completely reassure him.

When he was released, Sousuke went straight to the mess area. There was no one there at the moment, which was fine by him. A large number of meals were lined up on the counter in preparation for the upcoming shift change.

The hungry young soldier stacked a number of trays on one another and took them over to a table. He chose a seat in the corner, making it easier to defend his food. He put his pistol and knife on the table in front of him. He left a stun grenade sitting in his lap. If he had access to barbed wire or warning tape, he would have used it.

Sousuke was usually a slow and neat eater. Not today. His fork, knife, and spoon only slowed him down. He tossed them side. His hands would do fine. He practically shoveled the food into his mouth, unconcerned by the fragments falling all over his shirt and the floor.

One tray. Another tray. A third tray. One of the cooks looked out, startled by what he saw and heard. He had big dogs at home. They had nothing on the young sergeant!

Sousuke sat back after cleaning the fifth tray. He was sated. No, he was uncomfortable. Why had he eaten so much? What was going on with him? Suddenly, without warning, he let go with a loud and prolonged belch. He looked around, embarrassed. He couldn't recall the last time he had belched. He had never done one like that!

"Great. I can only imagine what would happen if I did that again in front of Sgt. Major Mao." Or Cmdr. Kalinin? How would he react? Captain Testarossa? At least it would be better than something else he could imagine. Cmdr. Mardukas? Sousuke gulped. The queasiness in his stomach wasn't the result of the food he ate.

He needed to get himself under control.


	19. Chapter 19

The house was not large by American standards.

Just the same, it seemed like a palatial estate compared to what Kaname was used too. There were two large bedrooms and a nice guestroom. There were two full baths, a separate kitchen, a dining room, and a living room. Even a finished basement!

Ayame chattered happily as they toured the house. She wanted to know everything that had happened in Kaname's life since she saw her last. She stayed away from the subject that interested her the most, knowing that her sister would not want to talk about Sousuke right then. She was patient. If Kaname wanted to talk about it, she would.

"I've even got a television in my room, Sis. And a bunk bed. Dad let's me have friends over for sleep-overs when my grades are good. _Hmmmpppfff!_ You never got to do that, I bet." Ayame's crooked smile was intended to get Kaname riled up.

"You're right. But Daddy always looked the other way when I had good reason to beat on some annoying little brat!" Kaname began tickling Ayame, making her drop her suitcase and cry out for mercy. "Just so you remember who the _real_ master is."

Ayame took the bag into the guest room and placed it near a double bed with a nice comforter decorated with a Japanese crane motif. "This room's pretty neat, you know? Almost as nice as mine. It would make a great bedroom, you know. Not just a guest room." She gave her sister a loaded glance, her desires not too far below the surface.

"Well, it's not _too_ bad, I suppose." Kaname walked around looking at the things lining the various shelves, book cases, and end tables. Many of the books were familiar. She could probably find the pages she scribbled on, or the secret messages, feathers, or leaves she had pressed in some. That was something for later.

The room was almost like a shrine for her mother. One of her favorite kimonos had been placed in a frame and hung on the wall. A heartfelt letter she had written them all sat inside a glass top table. Pictures of her with Shunya, Kaname, and Ayame had a prominent place, as did some of her favorite pottery, keepsakes, and nick-nacks. Kaname felt a strange mix of joy and sadness as she ran through her memories. I wish you were here, Mom. You would know what it's like being a teenage girl. Someone would listen to my side of things.

"The bed's all made up, if you want to take a nap. You must be exhausted." Ayame hoped that wasn't the case.

"Yes, I am." Kaname knew there was more than one reason for her weariness. She was worried about Sousuke. She almost felt guilty being here with people she loved, while he was heading into the face of great danger. Her father said he wanted to meet him. She would take him at his word. That big idiot better survive. "Maybe I really could use a nap."

"But not yet, Kaname! I saw Dad put on his apron. He'll be calling for you soon, wanting to know whether you want to eat American or Japanese. His American gourmet cooking is much better than the Japanese. But don't let him know that!" Ayame grinned a devilish grin. She knew that her father was actually proficient with all types of food, but she didn't care much for the cooking of her homeland.

"She won't have too." Shunya Chidori walked up behind his youngest daughter. "If Kaname wants a bento, I'll have you make it. I'm really happy to see her, so I won't subject her to your attempts at finer food."

Kaname had to fight hard to keep from laughing. The look on Ayame's face went from shock to embarrassment to righteous indignation, without stopping.

"Well, we _could _just order a pizza with everything on it..." Ayame looked hopeful. Her eyes were pleading. "Kaname? It would be quicker. The pizzas in new York are _really_ good.""

Their father just shook his head, frowning. His youngest daughter could stand to go at least one day without pizza.

"I think I'd like to eat something light tonight, Daddy. We're having turkey and fixings tomorrow, aren't we?" Kaname looked hopeful. She had come to love holiday meals when she was younger.

"Alright. I'll whip something up. I just went shopping yesterday, so you shouldn't be disappointed. You go on chatting with my less appreciative daughter, and I will call you when everything is ready." He smiled, turned, and walked back down the hallway towards the kitchen.

Ayame stuck out her tongue at him when he couldn't see. Kaname smiled. It was good to be back with her family, despite the fact that things had gotten off on the wrong foot. She didn't blame her father for the way he felt. After all, he hadn't changed. He was still looking out for his baby. She just hoped that it wouldn't be impossible for him to see that his little girl was growing up.

The thought of food made her stomach growl. The fare on the airplane hadn't been fit for prison food. _Flavorful?_ No! _Edible?_ Just barely. _Suitable for an interrogation tool?_ Definitely! Then again, to be fair, nothing would have tasted good to her. She had been looking forward to Fujimama's. That, and other things as well.

Sousuke. How she hoped hat he would be OK. Wherever he was.

The land of the free and the home of the brave. How could Kaname have ever guessed that she would be _here_ today? Now that she was back, she needed to be pragmatic. She had to make the most of her opportunity, not just feel sorry for herself and mope around. She was Kaname Chidori, after all. She still felt somewhat trapped, but that feeling ought to pass, at least physically. If her father eventually turned out to be her advocate, the trip could turn out to be a wonderful gift. She hoped that when the day came, she would find it hard to leave the ones she loved.

In every room she explored, her mind made the inevitable comparisons. How did this place compare to the home they had lived in before? Kaname had to admit that this house was much nicer, but it didn't have any memories for her yet. She had been through so much at the other place. There were things here that honored her mother's memories; but, her mother had made this house her home.

Kaname still had no idea how long her stay would last. Taking a page out of Sousuke's book, she would do some mission planning. On the one hand, she would want to use her time to think up cogent arguments, trying to convince her father that she should be able to finish out high school back in Tokyo. On the other hand, she would try to make the most of her visit.

What did she want to do? How much did she want to see? Where did she want to go?

For some reason, she thought about soft pretzels and mustard. Her father and mother had always gotten her one of those when the visited the big city. She also thought of pigeons... so many of the ubiquitous... maybe _that_ ought to be the national bird. And the taxi cabs! Sometimes the street looked like a sea of yellow. By the way her father spoke in the limo, it sounded as if things had gotten even worse.

She might want to see that large Christmas tree again. It might also be fun to go ice skating at that giant outdoor rink. The art museum? Maybe. So many memories began flooding back into her. She would need time to sort them out.

There was one place she definitety wanted to visit. Not because it would be fun… it wouldn't. The site was something that Sousuke would want to see. In a way, she could honor him and the job that he did. She would make it a point to visit the place where the World Trade Center once stood, if she had the chance.

A touch of melancholy filled Kaname. She tried to shake it off. In doing so, her thoughts jumped back to her old school. Would her old teachers still be around? It hadn't been all that long. It might be nice to see some of them, or her old coaches. What about some of the people she went to school with? She might want to track some of them down as well, if any one at the school had kept tabs..

She remembered good times and bad, the memories seeming to pass by in 'fast forward' mode. One memory stayed a while longer than the others, since it had a timely parallel. Richard Thomas. That boy had tormented her. But, she wore him down. He was the first boy she had ever kissed in that innocent way that young girls do. Naturally, that made her think about Sousuke again. She sighed. Then she realized that someone was tugging on her sleeve.

"You need to come see my trophies. Now, you're not the only star athlete in the family." Ayame led her sister into her father's den. One bookcase held a couple of small awards and medals that Ayame had won at local track meets. They sat next to other trophies that brought back memories for Kaname.

Almost tenderly, she ran a hand along the contours of the 2nd place statuette she had won at the Orange County Track & Field tournament when she was twelve. She smiled looking at a 1st place junior swimming award she had won at Chofu, Tokyo, when she was three years younger than that.

"Not bad, Sis. But in my day, they usually had more than one person running the race. I just can't understand how you still got 2nd place that way." That ought to put the little brat in her place. She ought to know better than to challenge Kaname Chidori.

"Oh yeh… _sure._ You have me beat, big Sis. I haven't had to stay for detention yet. But, I still have a few more years left to try and top that!" Ayame stood with her hands on her hips.

"Uh huh. I hear you. Sounds like someone needs to be put in her place. Let me get my sneakers on. Meet me out in the street, Speedy!" Kaname smiled. Her competitive streak was raising its ugly head. "That is… unless you're afraid." That ought to do it.

"But Kaname, it's after eight o'clock!" Ayame looked ou of the window. It had been dark when they got home. It was still just as dark.

"Chicken?" Kaname's smile would have infuriated anyone but a certain unobservant otaku.

"Well… I... _you're on._ It looks like you put on some weight. It shouldn't be too hard. I may even give you a head start." With that, Ayame skipped off to her room to get ready.

The race took place outside, on a quiet stretch of street. A number of people were out and walking their dogs. Others were relaxing on their front porches. They were all shocked to see two young girls pelting down the street as if they were being chased by demons. Why were they doing that? And at night, too! More than one person wondered if they were trying to escape the police.

"**Ha!** You're winded after a short little race like that? Or are you choking on my dust?" Kaname crowed. Winning was winning, after all.

Ayame stuck out her lower lip. _"Jerk!"_ She frowned for a moment, and then was all smiles. She threw her arms around her sister and gave her a big hug. "It's so good to have you home, Kaname."

Kaname smiled. For a moment, she thought that it might not be so bad staying with her father and sister again. That idea brought her up short. She couldn't let herself be swayed. She missed her friends. There was someone else she missed too, right?. It wouldn't do her any good to start thinking that the 'consolation prize' was pretty nice. She needed to stand up for what she wanted most of all..

"Need me to carry you back, Sis? Shouldn't be too hard. It doesn't look like you've grown an inch." Kaname pantomimed a pair of bosoms. She knew how sensitive Ayame was about that, even at her age. It was time to start running.

"_Oooooh!_ You better run." Ayame took off right after her. Eventually, they both collapsed laughing on their father's front lawn.

"I think I need a shower after that. It will be nice to feel fresh at dinner." Kaname moved some strands of hair away from her face. Her sister said that she could have the shower first, as long as she promised not to sing.

When Kaname went to unpack her suitcase, she had to stop a moment, tears coming to her eyes. She picked up and held the picture of Sousuke and his old squad. She touched his small face with her finger. "I wish you were here too, Sousuke. It will be a while before I get a chance to smack anyone again." Wiping away her tears, she placed the photo on one of the shelves. It seemed at home there.

In the warm jetting water of the shower, Kaname tried her best to wash away all her cares and worries along with the dirt and sweat. She didn't know what lay ahead of her. Hopefully, her father would tell her something about world events. If she was lucky, maybe he would keep an open mind when they spoke more about Sousuke and her life in general. She decided not lie about anything, no matter what the cost. She owed too much to her father, and she wanted to be able to respect herself when she was done. Sousuke fought always hard, and even fought dirty if there was no other choice. But, even when there were innocent lives at stake, he remained honorable, adhering to his own code of conduct. She never realized just how much she respected him for that, even though it got them in trouble sometimes.

He really was something special. _Hmmmpppfff!_ Maybe 'different' was a better word!

Covered with a thick rich coating of lather, she chuckled. How she dreaded explain the reasoning behind exploding shoe boxes... her flying through the air on a bicycle, a cop car passing by above her... exploding watermelons and giant balloons... sentry guns defending naked girls at an Onken... her interpreting Bonta-kun for a group of Yakusa... cooked carp and crazed janitors... clueless conversations with a dating simulator... jumping out of a train because of coincedence... clothes-eating bacteria…. Etc.etc. Had she really experienced all that? Her life certainly wasn't boring, was it?

Damn. She really missed Sousuke. Big jerk, leaving her that way! Out of deference to him, she wouldn't tell those stories. He wasn't there to defend himself. That was her story, and she was sticking to it.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Dinner was a pleasant affair, despite the fear and concerns bubbling just below Kaname's surface.

There were so many familiar turns of phrase, mannerisms that she missed without knowing it. She had a chance to speak about the pleasant things in her life without any pressure, evasion, or defiance. Ayame's effervescent personality had her smiling, as she listened to her sister explain the things she had had learned on her own. Her father commented on his steadfast duty to his native country and tales of different customs that made his job rewarding and trying at the same time.

The meal was nothing extravagant, but wonderful just the same. Kaname considered herself a very good cook. She had even won the rare compliment of her food being better than Sousuke's precious protein bars. But, she could not hold a candle to her father. Even her mother had been forced to admit defeat while she was still living..

The miso soup made her think of a small café she had eaten lunch at once, with Sousuke standing guard. The meal had been pleasant, but was cut short when Sousuke thought the waiter had a gun. It was a hand cranked cheese grater. _Big stupid head!_ Daikon simmered in sake followed, and was simple but satisfying. She smiled, remembering a time when she had beaten Sousuke with one of the giant white radishes. He had used his pistol to get a can of mushrooms down from a high shelf at the local grocery store. _Crazy otaku fool!_ Kaname clapped her hands when her father took the lid off of a traditional Japanese pot. She had fond memories of the type of stew her father made with oysters, cabbage, shitake, carrots, eggs, dashi, and chrysanthemum sprigs. She had dumped just such a concoction over Sousuke's head once, when he had asked her why one boy had said she was un-datable. _Clueless insensitive moron! _The deep fried pork cutlets on curry rice made Kaname shake her head. How had her father managed to put things together in so short a time? For a moment, her thoughts wandered away. She pictured her father standing in the kitchen, teaching Sousuke how to cook. Of course, her daydreaming veered way off course. She saw Sousuke showing her father how to use a grenade... in the middle of the cooking area! He would pay for that one, even though it never happened. _Jerk. Jerk. Jerk!_

No one had any room for dessert. Was that what her father considered light fare? _Sheeesh!_

"Ayame, would you be so kind as to put away the food, clean the table, and straighten out the kitchen?" It was not an unexpected request. She often did just that on nights her father was tired or particularly busy. Otherwise, Shunya felt a great deal of satisfaction completing things by his own hands.

Ayame was no dunce. She knew that her father must have things to discuss private with Kaname. She had no problem with that, having long since learned that there were things going on in the world that she was better off not knowing about.

Kaname sat patiently on a sofa, while her father perched at the edge of an easy chair. His face looked troubled, devoid of any sense of joy or humor he had shown at the dinner table. Both hands rested on his knees. He had trouble meeting Kaname's gaze. "I suppose it is time that I told you why you are here, Kaname." The words came out gruff, but thick with emotion.

"Thank you, Father." Kaname bowed her head. Her heart began beating faster and faster. She was afraid of what she might hear.

"As I said, I some times pick up on things that do not directly concern me. I do not approve of people in my line of work having loose tongues, especially my own countrymen. However, I am grateful to have learned what I did." He stared at something behind and to the left of Kaname. She knew what it was: It was a picture of her father and her mother at a shrine outside of Tokyo. Hands folded in her lap, Kaname waited for her father to continue. "To be brief, there is trouble in North Korea. It will not be possible to keep the threat out of the media for much longer. For all I know, it could even be on the television tonight." Her father coughed, trying to loosen up his throat. "Military men have seized control of a missile launch facility, Kaname. The placement of weapons makes Japan a likely target. There are longer range weapons as well, easily capable of hitting most Asian nations."

Kaname bit her lip. She had heard Sousuke talking about North Korea before, describing their military capabilities and national mind set. She shivered. The next part was obvious. "Nuclear, Father? Low to medium yield warheads? Dirty weapons?"

Shunya's eyebrows shot up. Where had his daughter picked up on that language? He was certain he knew. "Yes. They are in the hands of men of little conscience. Those fools are waving a red flag at the American bull."

Kaname found it hard to get her words out. She was too stunned to work through the ramifications of what she had heard. "But _why,_ Daddy? What could they possibly hope to accomplish? Maybe there's another force at work behind them…"

"It seems that they teach more at school than one might expect." Her father brought one hand up to his chin. "I can guess where you learned _that_ kind of reasoning." He frowned, furrowing his brow. It was not a subject matter for traditional Japanese girls.

Kaname was not about to act all meek and receptive. She frowned right back at her father. The last thing she wanted right now was to get into another squabble over Sousuke. She was too tired. She smiled inwardly. There was no one else that she would rather have battling the enemy. Her heart threatened to explode with pride. She wished she could call Sousuke then and there, letting him know how she felt. It wouldn't be any good trying to call the TDD-1, though. Dispatch wouldn't put her through. No one there would connect her with Sousuke. She also knew that Sousuke wouldn't be able to get a message out to her, even if he knew where she was now.

Shunya surprised her. He actually smiled, seeing the intense look on her face. "That's what I admire about you, daughter… your fierce pride and your unwillingness to back down. You are beautiful, strong, and dedicated… just like your mother." His smile turned into a frown, just like that. "She was a gentle soul, despite all that... gentle and so very caring. I hope those qualities carried over to you." He gazed straight into her eyes. "Sometimes I have my doubts."

Kaname blushed. She wanted to be indignant, and felt the need to offer a rebuttal. But, her father had her pegged. Maybe it wasn't such a great idea for Sousuke to meet him after all. If her father asked him about the way that she treated him...

"In any case, you are correct, Kaname. There are wagging tongues that think this is all a shadow play, a way to gain respect and save face. They have little fear that anything will come of all this, other than some heated words passed back and forth between the North Koreans and the Americans…"

Realizing that she had put her hand over her heart, Kaname offered a prayer to that effect. She knew, however, that there was probably more to it. Her father was frightened enough to bring her here. Sousuke was pulled from one mission and thrown into another.

"…Sharper minds, however, speak of the probability of some global terrorist group being the tail that wags the dog. Some have even hinted at reports proving just such a thing. Perhaps you have heard a name, given your rather peculiar…_situation._ It means little to me." Shunya knew his daughter wouldn't say anything to someone outside of the family. He doubted that anyone would have bothered to bug his house. "Grendel."

Kaname sat up straighter. She blinked repeatedly, her hands twitching. That name was indeed familiar. One night, while walking back from the pharmacy, she had asked Sousuke what enemies Mithril feared the most. He had gone on to name three things. The had been a general concern. Mithril feared WMD's in the hands of fanatical and irresponsible groups. Such men were unpredictable and feared nothing, lacking anything remotely resembling a conscience or a soul. The other two things had been names of terrorist organizations with access to Black Technology. Amalgam she knew all too well. The other name had been Grendel.

"I see. You need not go into any details. Your reaction is enough for now. It seems that my fears were justified." Her father sighed, putting his face in his hands.

"Daddy?"

"Some men, whose reasoning abilities I hold in high esteem, postulate that a group such as Grendel would have little to gain from petty regional power plays. Big players often play for big stakes. Clever and ruthless men… with foresight and indifference to suffering… could benefit from economic and political chaos. Korean missiles are likely aimed at South Korea and Japan. If launched, there would be little chance of stopping them, even though the JSDF has taken delivery of Patriot 4 systems. Few of the Patriots have been delivered, and training is in its infancy.

"So they think that..." Kaname's blood was ringing in her ears.

"Yes."

"And the likelihood is good..." Her heart was beating wildly, frightening her.

"Exactly."

"I'm her because..." The palms of her hands were sweaty. She almost felt as if she were about to pass out.

"It is as you have surmised."

"Oh God, Daddy. If Japan is a target, what city would be better to destroy than Tokyo?" Kaname bit down on her nails. No wonder her had called her to this country with no choice in the matter. "My friends..."

"I'm sorry. There is nothing to be done for them. We can only hope that this Mithril proves resourceful and successful. If not, the consequences will be disastrous. If the Americans do nothing, the terrorists may launch. If the Americans attack, the North Koreans would certainly launch. Choosing between the teeth and the claws of the dragon is not much of a choice."

"But, you called and warned me, Daddy! Why can't I call and warn _them._ I wouldn't call too many. They might not believe me, but I _have_ to try. I can't just sit back, watch them die, and know that I could have saved them." Kaname was as close to demanding as she was to pleading.

"No. Absolutely not. I have overstepped my bounds as it is. You shall not do any such thing. The necessary officials in the government have been informed. If it is their decision to remain quiet, we must not question their wisdom or their authority." Shunya's voice was stern and unyielding. There would be no compromise.

"I can't believe that! You taught me the value of life. When I had thoughts about ending mine, your truths and teaching were what kept me strong. Four people. It would tear out my heart, but I could call only four people. What would be the harm in that? Why shouldn't I try?" Kaname's voice was rising in pitch. She usually only got this worked up over some humungous mistake by Sousuke.

"Four people? You must have a better grasp of human nature than that, Kaname!" Her father sounded disappointed. He also began to grow red in the face. He was not accustomed to being challenged in his own home. "You would call only four. What if each of them decided to call only four? And those after them? Where exactly would it end? _Think!"_

"You can't be this callous, Father. You just _can't!_ Sousuke will be in the middle of danger, and I can't do anything about it." Kaname was close to tears. "I can help my friends. People are more than just numbers. I don't care if the government doesn't want to do anything. I bet they all have planes standing by!"

**"Kaname Chidori."** Her father had stood up very slowly, his face a blank slate. "This conversation will now end. I will say one thing first, as I understand how distraught you are. Have you forgotten, the fact that one of my brothers and his family lives just outside of Tokyo? I have not called him. I have numerous cousins in and around the city. I have not called them either. You may not realize how many old friends I have living in Japan. None of them have been informed. Do not talk to me of numbers. I can only imagine the chaos that might result, if anyone leaked suspicions to the media." He turned his back on her, making her close her mouth and go cold. "I took a great risk by phoning my daughter. I did what I could to bring her to me as quickly as I could. While I might have expected thanks, I was prepared to accept your resistance. But, I never thought that you would question my heart."

With that, her father walked out of the living room and into his bedroom. He closed the door behind him.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Kaname sat, disconsolate.

She was unable to get up or talk when Ayame came by to ask if she wanted some ice cream. Sensing something was very wrong, her sister went off to her own room.

Exhausted, Kaname should have been ready for bed. She wasn't. There was no way she could fall asleep now. Deeply saddened and feeling very guilty, she went to kneel by her father's door, bowing her head.

"Father, I was very wrong. I know I do not deserve it, but I ask for your forgiveness. I also offer sincere thanks for the love and concern you felt for me."

There was no answer. Tears slowly formed in her eyes, blurring her vision. She sat there unmoving for a number of hours. When the door opened, she lifted up her stricken eyes, wishing she could learn to hold her temper and her tongue. She had gleefully made plans to train Sousuke to her liking. He might actually be able to teach her more things than she could teach him.

The door opened. Her father looked down at her, silently. There was neither anger nor compassion on his face. Poised between the lightness of the hall and the darkness of his room, he looked like a carved stone gargoyle. Kaname began crying again. She bowed her head and remained silent.

"We will not speak of this again, daughter. I was deeply saddened by your lack of respect and understanding. It may be that your independence has planted seeds that can bring nothing but weeds and poor crops. I trust that you did not use the telephone."

"No, Father. I have been here by your door."

"I can forgive those words said in the grip of such great fear. I hope that you did not speak your true feelings." His voice was husky. He was a man who put great stock in honor, but he was also a father who cherished his daughter.

"Never, father. _Never."_

"You must learn to control your emotions, Kaname. People will judge you by your behavior. They may not see all that you are, or understand just how much you can be." Shunya's gaze was very direct. He loved his daughter, and he knew what was best for her. He would say it, no matter what she might think of him. Seeing the look in her eyes, he judged that she had come to that very conclusion sometime in the past. That was a very big start.

"Yes, Father." She knew that her father was right. Once again she thought of Sousuke. He never showed his emotions. He was so stiff and so sullen, that most people would suppose he didn't even have any. She on the other hand, was too quick to take offense or be hurt. Her emotions were rampant and out of control much of the time. Could the two of them help one another, leading each other to some middle ground?

"You will come with me now. There are things I would like to tell you, and things I would like to see. One is that picture you mentioned earlier. You were quick to question my judgment, and should understand how much that has hurt and disappointed me." Her Father picked up a framed photograph of his late wife, staring at it for a while before putting it back down. Kaname hung her head. "Thinking about that, I realized that I too may have done a disservice. When you spoke of that young man, I was quick to judge him, and to jquestion you. I can imagine how that may have hurt and disappointed you." Her father wouldn't come right out and apologize. Those words were his way of saying he was sorry.

"Daddy?" Kaname looked up at her father, her eyes wide and hopeful.

"I am not saying that I approve, Kaname. There is still a lot for me to think through. But, I should say that I will keep an open mind. Families are about trust, are they not? Trust and understanding. I have to make certain that I do not end up loving rules and customs more than I love my own daughters."

Kaname bowed slowly, keeping a neutral face. She could hold it only so long. Smiling, she jumped and gave her father a big hug.

**_"Ahem!"_** Her father was somewhat disgruntled.

"Families are about love, Father. Is it alright for me to show my love?" Kaname had a stubborn look in her eye.

Her father stood silently for a moment. Almost sounding exasperated, he conceded. "Yes."

Kaname smiled. Too much for Shunya's liking. "To your family!"

Kaname knew exactly what he was talking about. "What did you wish to speak to me about, Daddy?" It better not be about local schools or anything like that! Not after what you just said...

"Two things. They are both very important in different ways. You shouldn't have to first learn about them on Christmas Day, when the people in question stop by for dinner." There was a curious look on her father's face, a mix of anticipation and satisfaction. Just what was he talking about?

_"They?"_

"Yes, Kaname. One is a gentleman by the name of Maximilian Smith. He will serve as your body guard while you are in town. I was fortunate to be able to retain his services at such quick notice. I phoned while cooking. Members of our embassy, including myself, have made use of him in the past." Kaname's jaw fell open. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. That was a minor shock in comparison to what followed. "But, what I really wanted to talk to you about was Oichi. Miss Oichi Masako. She works in another of our offices in the U.N." Her father paused, looking at his daughter, somewhat concerned about how she might react. Kaname swallowed. Part of her raced ahead, certain she knew what was coming. It just wasn't possible, _was_ it? "We have grown very close, Kaname. We have seriously discussed getting married." Her father looked on, obviously hoping for her acceptance, if not her blessing.

"Uh..." Kaname was too stunned to say anything more.

"Kaname?" Her father was close to growing unhappy.

"It is not a problem." Kaname came close to smacking her forehead. Damn that Sousuke! Those were not the right words. "I look forward to meeting her, Daddy." She would show her father that she knew something about diplomacy herself. "I only hope she knows just how lucky she is."

That answer was just what her father was hoping for. His face remained stoic, but his eyes sparkled.

Kaname knew that she would get little sleep after that.


	20. Chapter 20

The lights were low.

Kurz, Melissa, and the other Arm Slave pilots sat with Sousuke in their own little corner of the meeting room, as the Intelligence operatives spoke to everyone involved in the upcoming mission.

Usually attentive and serious during briefings, Kurz had been teasing Sousuke some, happy that his young friend had finally noticed how he felt about Kaname. "It's angels either way, Sousuke. Kick the bucket, and you'll be hearing harps play. Make it back to Tokyo and 'Angel' will be waiting. I bet I know what _she_ wants to play…"

"Shut up, Weber. Pay attention to the briefing. What you learn might just keep your sorry ass in one piece." Melissa was way past 'irritated'. She was 'annoyed', closing in on 'pissed off'.

"Lighten up babe, I've heard every word they've said. If you can't have a little fun now and then, what's the sense of living?" Kurz draped one leg over the back of Melissa's chair. When she went to slam it with her elbow, he pulled it away quickly, watching her wince in pain.

"You see, Sis. I have things under control. Maybe you need to settle down some. You've been pretty tight lately, and I'm not just talking about your pretty ass."

Sousuke usually had no difficulty tuning Kurz or other troublemakers out. It wasn't as if this were something new. Kurz was just a little more animated than usual. This was his way of reacting to the tremendous pressure they were all feeling. But, for some reason, he was finding it difficult holding his tongue.

"Stow it. If they thought you knew what you were talking about, someone would put you in charge of the squad instead of me. Those brain docs are still here. If I ask real nice, maybe they'll give you a frontal lobotomy!" Melissa said.

"Won't matter, pretty lady, as long as they leave me the stuff up front that counts. Oh yeh!" Kurz looked down at his pants. "It's hard finding clothes that fit." he chuckled, making certain that Lt. Cmdr. Kalin was not aware of his antics.

**_"Be quiet!" _**Sousuke brought his combat knife down hard, just inches in front of Kurz' crotch, actually sticking the blade through the thin aluminum seating. "We're hear to listen. There are lives at stake." Immediately after his show of temper, Sousuke felt stunned. Yes, he was upset with Kurz' flippancy at a time when Kaname and the rest of Japan were in danger; but, that was no reason to lose control. What was wrong?

Everybody in the back of the room looked at Sousuke as if he had sprouted a set of horns. Kurz was uncharacteristically silent, still somewhat shocked by his friend's behavior. Melissa turned her chair around towards Sousuke and stared at him, waiting to see if he would offer an explanation.

Sousuke stared back. Suddenly he swallowed hard, feeling his pulse beat in his ears. Melissa Mao had a rather nice pair of large and pleasantly round breasts. Leaving her top few buttons undone certainly didn't conceal that fact. She definitely had Captain Testaross beat, and even topped Kaname quantitatively. Now, who did he prefer qualitatively, his Sergeant Major or a certain blue-haired girl?

Wait? What the Hell was he thinking about?

"Sousuke, what's wrong with you today?" Melissa hadn't overlooked Sousuke's stare. This wasn't like Kurz' essentially harmless debauchery. Sousuke was definitely acting out of character.

Kurz easily followed Sousuke's glance, feeling a perverse desire to look in that direction anyway. "Whoa, babe. Wrong question. What's _right_ with our little brother today. Seems to me that he's finally appreciating the important things in life!" The blonde-haired marksman smiled. "You heard the rumor about what happened during his procedure, didn't you." Kurz pointed to a picture of a No Dong missile being shown on the projection screen. "I bet Tessa came to take a peak while you were under."

Sousuke felt a sudden wave of embarrassment. His sexual interest had evaporated. Before he knew it, he was filled with rage again. "If you were as good as you talk, you wouldn't need to brag." Sousuke's voice uncharacteristically sharp and brittle. "Maybe you should pay more attention to your training, and less attention to everyone else's business. That way you would be more of a soldier and less of a joke."

Kurz' mouth just hung open. When Melissa admonished him, it was one thing. Sousuke's comments truly struck a nerve.

"**Sagara! **Keeping Kurz in line is _my_ business, not yours. Pay attention to the briefing!" Melissa's look was fierce. Any mission was critical, but this one was especially so. They needed to focus on the matter at hand.

"North Korea. Eastern Coast, not far from the Sea of Japan. North 40 degrees, 51' and 17." East 129 degrees, 39' and 58." Launch facilities close to the towns of No Dong and Taepodong in the North Hamgyong Province. Overall facility roughly triangular in shape, including a number of major launch pads, a range control center located 850 meters to the NW and a missile assembly building located 500 meters due west. Generally under-populated area used for dry-land crops such as barley, wheat, corn, and soybeans. A few miles beyond that, scrub brush and barren land. A number of small agricultural settlements in the area, but no visible troop barracks or large scale living quarters." Sousuke didn't back down from Melissa's glare. Instead, he leaned forward in his chair. "If you like, I will write things down for you later. It is a well know fact that drinking effects cognitive abilities. Chronic heavy smoking also cause mental deficits."

Melissa looked as if someone had kicked her in the face. Kurz looked shocked. "Hey, man…"

Sousuke suddenly went pale and put his hand to his head. He was so confused. This was not like him. Some of the things he said were based on things he had thought at one time of another; but, he had no desire to hurt the two people who had been closer to him than anyone else. He pulled at his hair, squeezing his eyes tight.

"Man, are you alright? You're _really _worrying me, Sous-" Kurz put his hand on Sousuke's shoulder. He was cut off mid-word.

Souske reacted unbelievably fast. Melissa hadn't been able to follow it. Looking down between two upended chairs, she saw Kurz on his back and Sousuke's boot at his throat.

"No.' Sousuke moved his foot. **"NO!" **Sousuke shouted at himself. He stepped back, quivering, sweat poring down him. Melissa put her pistol back in its holster. Kurz put his hand to his throat.

The briefing stopped. The Intel officer called for MPs, but Melissa asked to have that order belayed. She called for Dr. Cannon-Bard and Dr. Schacher. "Please continue. I'm sorry to impose on you, but you will need to repeat things for the three of us later." Melissa pulled Kurz back up onto his feet. The two of then led a wobbly Sousuke back to the medical area.

The two medical specialists were waiting for them as they walked Sousuke in. "I told you something like this might happen," Dr. Scacher said. "Everything is working, alright. It just happens to be working too well." He helped Sousuke lean back on the examining table. "Tony, hook up the EEG. Let's make sure he hasn't developed any abnormal waveforms.

Kurz and Melissa looked worried. Sousuke looked nearly catatonic now.

"It's really not that big a deal," Sophia claimed. "Sure, left alone, his condition might leave him totally useless. But, I prepared for just such an emergency. The proper pharmaceuticals ought to blunt the leading edge of his emotions and allow him better conscious control." She unzipped a bag and took out a syringe, three sealed needles, and a pair of one-use phials.

"He sat in the Arm Slave, but he hasn't activated the Lambda Driver yet." Dr. Schacher looked uncomfortable. "That might settle things down, if everything comes into balance. But who can say what the Hell might happen if he's this unstable now?"

Melissa swore under her breath. The whole reason these eggheads were on board was to make Sousuke and Arbalest more effective. If the experiment took them out of the action, they were all screwed. Mithril. The American assault teams. Japan. Everybody.

Kurz looked worried.. Sousuke was like a brother to him A stiff, stuffy, hard core brother perhaps, but family just the same. Sousuke was three years his junior, but Kurz found himself relying more and more on the younger man. Maybe it was time to take the bull by the horns and make himself someone worthy of following.

"No abnormal forms, doctor." Tony looked relieved.

Dr Cannon-Bard nodded her head and gave Sousuke the injections.

"Will that stuff make him ready for combat, doctor?" Melissa was Sousuke's superior, not just his friend.

"I don't know," Sophia answered honestly. "We told your bosses that this was unknown territory, and it is. We can only do out best, and hope he is capable of the same."

"Could you juice someone else with everything Sousuke had?" Kurz asked, a strange look in his eyes. "Maybe if the weather was bad enough, we'd have enough time. It could be that it doesn't work with our rather unique friend there, but could be just the thing for someone else."

Melissa looked shocked. Kurz was asking that? He never failed to surprise her.

"I'm afraid not," Dr. Schacher answered. "It's a courageous offer, but we don't have enough medications left for a full treatment."

"I doubt the brass would want to risk another pilot, in any case. There is no guarantee it would make a person able to synch with a Lambda Driver if he never showed that proclivity before. Besides, it's not just the Lambda Driver we are dependent on. There's also the A.I. In the Arm Slave to take into consideration." Sophia took out a penlight and shined it in Sousuke's eyes.

Kurz nodded his head. "Ah well. I guess you're off the hook then, Sis." He managed a smile.

Melissa just shook her head.

"I can do this." It was Sousuke's voice. He sounded weary, but confident. "It is necessary. Therefore I will get it done. It is not a problem. I have been through worse." Those last words sounded hollow. He was truly worried, but could not let anything stop him.

"Sousuke, you acted pretty messed up at the briefing. Maybe you should…" Melissa was interrupted.

**_"I said I could do it!" _**Sousuke managed to reign in his anger. "I believe that in instances such as these, instilling a sense of confidence in the subject is just as important as the subject's attitude and abilities. Am I incorrect in this? I see no valid alternatives in any case."

Dr. Schacher gave Sousuke a pat on the back. "You are quite correct, Sergeant. We've done what we can. I will leave you to do what you can. You're a brave young man. You would have made one heck of a SEAL."

Sousuke actually smiled. That comment filled him with warmth and pride. It was a rare feeling for him, but he did not find it unpleasant. Soon it too felt as if those feelings growing by leaps and bounds. He had the urge to salute, and did so, even though their was no military requirement.

Dr. Scacher saluted in return, his face a study in sympathy.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Sousuke sat in the cockpit of the ARX-7.

His hand rested on the switch that would turn on the A.I. Watching his timepiece, he followed the second hand in its slow crawl. In ten minutes, he would trigger the Lamda Driver, and then shut it down. He was very concerned. There was no way to tell what the multutude of medicines would do to him.

After he had left the medical area, his reactions had been mixed. Sitting in the briefing room, he took not of every fact available. Pertinent GPS coordinates and digital images had been downloaded into his computer system for him, but his own mind would be the most important tool at his disposal.

He was nervous. He was exceeding anxious. Not just for himself, but for Kaname. The intelligence data indicated that the North Korean Nuclear Development site at Kumchangri was in full operation around the clock. The group responsible for the coup had reactivated the facilities at Yongbyon, converting nuclear waste into weapons grade plutonium. Combined with the material that had already been refined, the enemy would have enough material for at least six nuclear weapons. Numerous dirty warheads could be produced in addition to that.

_There was no room for error._

According to satellite images, the weather was bad and growing worse. The American forces were on the move, sooner than anyone had expected. Space debris had damaged one three crucial Mithril surveillance satellites that had been hastily moved into crowded orbits. He was likely to face Lamba Driver capable Arm Slaves, uncertain whether he would be capable of battling a baby bird. There were so many things that could adversely effect the mission. He found that he was unable to keep obsessing over them.

"This is not productive! I need to think about other things." he squeezed his eyes shut tightly. But, that only made him feel dizzy, his head spinning with so many images and emotions.

What he really wanted to do was think about Kaname. But, he would rather sort through his feelings for her under normal circumstances, not with hormones and man-made chemicals coursing through his veins. He tried to remember the kiss, but couldn't. It might have been a defense mechanism, protecting that cherished memory from pollution and degradation. He hoped it wasn't a permanent deficit.

He began to worry that his feelings for Kaname might change. Would these strange thoughts and feelings stay with him, or disappear when the medicines ceased being effective? Might he see things about himself or Kaname that would change what he wanted?

Sousuke shook his head. He tensed up and held his breath. Gritting his teeth, he tried to will himself back to normal. Instead, his doubts regrouped and surrounded him. He felt like Gulliver, tied down by Lilliputians. He _did_ care about Kaname. He would continue to feel that way about her. His memories of the kiss would return. He would not let an earlier incident in the ready room change his mind.

Captain Testarossa had dressed in a Santa Claus outfit and handed out small gifts to everyone. He had gotten a small crystal star to hang up in Arbalest for good luck. For a moment, the feeling of gratitude had brought him close to tears. The emotional lability had been unnerving. But, that hadn't been the problem. Tessa had been wearing a pair of close fitting red tights. When she dropped Melissa's present, she bent over to pick it up, right in front of Sousuke. He thought his eyes might explode. It wasn't the first time that he had noticed her figure, but it certainly felt like it was.

'Damn, I think I just forgot my name!' Those words came out before he could stop them. It was an exclamation that he had heard Kurz use on numerous occasions. For the first time, he knew what it meant. He had quickly turned away, so no one could figure out where he had been looking. After that, he ran to the locker room, walked in the door, and sat alone in the darkness, trying to get a hold on himself. Perched on the edge of the bench, he had tried to erase the vision of Tessa from his mind. His memory flew back to the time he had crawled into bed with him unannounced. When he woke that time, his hand had been on her breast. He wondered what might have happened if Tessa had been at the school when the Full Monty bacteria did its thing.

"No. It's wrong." It _was_ wrong. She was his commanding officer. He was a Specialist. It wasn't right for Kaname. The picture of Kaname in his mind had a miraculous effect. First, he felt incredibly guilty and ashamed. He then wallowed momentarily in despair, wondering just what kind of cretin he was. Before he knew it, however, he was thinking only about Kaname. Some of those thoughts remained inappropriate, but at least they were about her. He hoped that no one figured out what his earlier exclamation meant. If someone did, he hoped that he or she wouldn't tell Captain Testarossa... or Cmdr. Mardukas.

He already had one run in with the Commander. The second batch of medication may have toned down the effects of the first, but it did _not_ keep him from acting on impulse or saying what he thought. Some things still were able to slip past his guard.

'I trust we will not hear any more tales about violent behavior against your peers, Sergeant!' Cmdr. Mardukas' words had immediately set Sousuke on edge. Instead of making him sweat though, they injured his pride. 'There have always been concerns that you were a bomb ready to go off! It's one thing to overlook boorish behavior in a young man toeing the line and doing his best. It's altogether different to be faced with dangerous behaviors in someone who could fly off the handle at any time.'

'I understand that you are British through and through, Sir." Sousuke's voice was just as firm and cold as his superior officer's. "I have always had concern about that, but have decided to behave in a professional manner, acknowledging your military talents instead. I only wish you had a habit of accentuating the positive, rather than raking people over the coals every chance you get.' For a moment, he had wondered if the Commander was going to strike him. The man earned his respect by controlling his own temper.

'I understand that the medicine is talking, Sergeant.' He had said gruffly.

'Affirmative. I hope you understand that I was speaking the truth.' At that, Sousuke had saluted and walked away. Who knows what might follow from that, if he were lucky enough to survive the mission. Baseed on the things that he had seen so far, he wasn't convinced that emotions were a good thing. His prior state been simpler.

Emotions were confusing. Especially love. Despite everything he was going through, he kept coming back to that for some reason. Did he truly love Kaname? How was he to know? "I am not supposed to worry about such things!" Sousuke admonished himself. _"Not now!" _He should over some of the mission details again, while he had time. It was a little over an hour to launch time, and who knows how much attention he might be able to give such matters after the micro-spheres released their unpredictable contents.

Basically, he would worry about enemy forces stationed in the vicinity of the prime targets. Reinforcements would be slow in arriving, due to the lack of paved roads, airports, rail lines or harbors in the region. There may not even be much un the way of reinforcements, due to the logistics. That didn't mean that the enemy wasn't clever enough to know their own limitations. Sousuke was well informed enough to know the real issue. Tunnels.

The North Koreans were adept at tunneling. Grendel was skilled at misdirection and forward planning. The was no telling how much might be hidden from spies, satellites, and informers.

There were currently two ICBMs on the three launch pads. Sousuke had asked the Intel agents about the possibility of underground silos. They discounted the idea, saying that there likely would have been much more ground and sea traffic in the vicinity over the past few years. When he asked why the North Koreans might not have built them long before that, for some other purpose, they had no answer. They looked uncomfortable. It was entirely possible that prior unknown activities may have prompted the current bold move.

_There were so many unknowns and uncertainties._

He may well need to read and react, making decisions in the blink of an eye. Would he still be able to do that? Would the new changes in him be a help or hindrance? Worrying wouldn't help anything. Everything looks obvious in hindsight. At least it does for those who survive.

Sousuke turned the A.I. on. "Al..."

"I.D. registration still in effect, Sergeant. Vital signs being monitored. Systems maintained at 96.7 percent efficiency."

"Al, bring up any schematics, reports, and rumors about the Arm Slaves employed by Grendel. Cross reference the data in comparison to Venom class units, as well as the M9 and ARX-7. That is current top priority." Sousuke typed in an access code and prepared his onboard systems to save any pertinent data.

"Connecting with Da Danaan mainframe, Sergeant. Connection established. I will access Pacific base records when able."

Absentmindedly, Sousuke pushed at the star he had hung up in his cockpit. Spinning, it diffracted and reflected the various colored lights being put off by readouts, ready lights, and cabin illumination. Half-closing his eyes, he pictured one of the large Christmas trees erected by the large Japanese corporations. Last night, he could have been walking hand in hand with Kaname, seeing such sights for real. What else might they have seen? What might they have done? What could he have discovered about her... about himself... about the two of them together?

Slowly and without notice, the feelings within him built up to the breaking point. Desire. Doubt. Envy. Wonder. Eagerness. Loneliness. Consternation. Curiosity. Possessiveness. Hate. Fear. Anger. Courage. It was a volatile mix. Too many of the emotions were conflicting or mutually exclusive. "**IT**... **IS**... **NOT**... **FAIR!" **He banged his fists hard against the control panel. **"IT'S BULLSHIT!" **A number of lights flashed, indication that the system was concerned about external seismic shock. Sousuke pushed a reset button. The abnormal shock was internal...internal to Arbalest, and internal to himself. "**WHY ME**... **WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE ME**... **WHY**... **_ALWAYS_**... **ME?"**

"Sergaent, are those questions directed to me?" The A.I.s voice was as neutral as always.

"Negative. It is a human emotional responses. Pay it no attention."

"I am sorry, Sergeant. I have been programmed to report all variances un behavior." There was a slight pause. "Training question. I have no references to life being fair. Is that a prerequisite for living? We fight battles to win, but that implies inequity for our enemy."

"**Be quiet," **Sousuke said. He was not in the mood for an inquisitive A.I. He was concerned about his thoughts and reactions. The number of emotions that he was experiencing in bursts, and the intensity of those feelings, suggested that his tried and true defense mechanisms were off line. Kurz, Melissa, Kaname, and Mithril psychologists had all thought that his reclusive behavior and withdrawn nature were abnormal. Were they? Really? Might they be right for him? I

It wasn't easy being a teenager and a soldier. He voluntarily pushed the former away in the interest of the latter. Being a warrior fed his greatest needs. Survival. Direction. A family of sorts. A chance for revenge. Boundaries. Now he wondered if he had chosen correctly. His life as a soldier may not have repressed his feelings, but it gave him reason to stay that way.

"I don't need to think about that now!" Sousuke closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to make a blank slate out of his mind, with no success. The chiming noise indicated that one series of downloads was ready for review. It might be hard to work through, distracted as he was.

_Knock knock knock knock knocknocknocknocknocknock._

Someone was standing on the outside of the Arm Slave, rapping on the cockpit cover. Sousuke looked at his watch. He was tardy. He should have activated the Lamba Driver a few minutes earlier. Was somebody intent on reminding him? Why didn't they use the com system? He pulled down on a lever, listening the hiss of compressed air. The hatch opened enough to see who was there. It was Kurz.

"Sousuke, open up. I need to speak to you for a moment." Kurz' face was serious. He held a data disc in his hand.

"Affirmative." Sousuke brought the hatch all of the way up. "Is there a problem? Have mission parameters changed?"

"No. I just wanted to apologize. I didn't mean to make you angry earlier. I was just joking." Kurz didn't have his usual devil-may care-look or posture.

"It is not a problem. It was your usual behavior. It should not have bothered me. My reaction was the problem. I realize that the medications have affected me, but I still feel ashamed. I am a Specialist. Somehow I feel as if I should be able to resist things"

Kurz sat down on a less cluttered portion of the control panel. He pulled at one ear, looking a little uncomfortable. "Sousuke, Specialist or not, you're seventeen." Kurz smiled. He tried to wise, even though he was only twenty himself.

"Correct. But..."

Kurz held up his hand. "Sousuke, you're seventeen in body. In some ways, you're much younger than that. But, you have the talents and responsibilities of someone much older. That would confuse the Hell out of anyone under the best circumstances. Even me." Kurz' smile was a bit lopsided. He thought about his life as a teen. Family issues. Rough indoctrinations. A girlfriend with a rare illness.

"Yes." Sousuke bowed his head. He had come to the same conclusion.

"Just remember that you have friends here. We're behind you all the way. We'll support you no matter what. We will lay down our lives for you. If you end up lost out their in the wilderness, Melissa and I will come find you." Kurz paused, looking for the right words. "If you get lost inside there, we will do the same." He leaned over and tapped on Sousuke's head. "Whatever it takes."

Sousuke surprised both of them. A tear ran down one of his cheeks. It was soon followed by two more. Then one after another. He wasn't certain exactly what he was feeling. "Thank you."

There was the sound of someone scampering up the impromptu stairway made by the joints and limbs of the Arm Slave. It was Melissa. Seeing Kurz, her face clouded over. "Sousuke, you are behind schedule. Now I see why. Weber, I ought to kick your sorry ass until its up around your ears." She grabbed Kurz by the collar. Sousuke's hand reached out around her wrist, closing with a vice- like grip.

_"What?" _Melissa looked confused.

"He has done nothing wrong. He offered comfort. Others may have felt the same way, but they did not wish to disturb me or set me off. He made certain I realized I was not alone. He made me realize that my troubles are not an indictment."

Melissa still scowled at Kurz. She couldn't help but be suspicious. But, he had fooled her before. She noticed the tears on Sousuke's face. That caught her off guard, and caused her own emotions to kick in. It was hard being a Sergeant Major most of the time. Almost timidly, she reached out to wipe away some of the younger soldier's tears. "Did this long-haired asshole tell you that we all are rooting for you? Not just with the mission, but with everything else." Melissa's voice cracked slightly, making Kurz grin. His smile deepened when Melissa shook her fist at him.

"Affirmative."

"Good. Did he tell you that we will do our best to back you up, whatever it takes?" Melissa meant that. She was still haunted by the memory she had of leaving Sousuke and Kurz behind in Khanka.

"Yes."

"Good. It's true. He gets to live another day, I guess. Did he tell you that you get to have sex with me when we get back?" Melissa had a straight face, but her eyes were twinkling like Sousuke's star.

"Uh…" Sousuke's eyes went wide. He felt as if he mighty swallow his tongue,

"**WHAT?" **Kurz slid of the console, smacking his head hard on an arm waldo.

_"I hope not!" _Melissa smiled.

"Good." Sousuke was relived.

"**W-H-A-T**?" Melissa did her best to look angry and affronted. She then smiled, reaching out to muss up Sousuke's hair.

"You forget the sex part, Sergeant. But none of the rest. Understand?" Mao grabbed Kurz by the hair and began pulling him down out of the cockpit.

_"Affirmative!" _Sousuke suddenly felt at peace.

"_Ouwww... _damn it babe…that hurts!" Kurz had the irrational urge to punch Melissa in the biceps to make her let go. He didn't He remembered what happened last time he did that. "I still have something to give Sousuke."

"Hurry it up then. The deck control officer is going crazy with his flags. Someone in the control room must have sent down a reminder for Sousuke to get started." She slid down the side of the ARX-7 and headed off to finish the pre-flight check on her Command M9.

Sousuke looked over at Kurz.

"Well, since you've been in touch with your emotions man, I thought you might want to give this a try." Kurz handed Sousuke the disc. "It's music. A copy of a disc I burned myself for this mission."

"But..."

Kurz held up his hand. "I know. Not your usual shit. There are no military marches or bagpipes on this disc! But, there's no obligation, you know. You don't have to play it if you don't want to."

"It..."

"You've started noticing the ladies more, right?" Kurz smiled a devilish smile.

"Yes, but..."

"And I bet you've started getting pissed at life, wondering why the Hell things have to be so hard sometimes."

"True, though..."

"And some times you just want to stick it to the Man... Fate... or whatever?"

"Affirmative." Sousuke nodded his head. He had certainly felt that way today at times.

"Well, the right song can do that. Since I have no idea what might do the trick for you, I gave you some tunes that pump me up. If it proves a distraction, just turn it off." Kurz began to leave the ARX- 7.

"What is on it? I will not listen to rap or hip hop..."

"Me either, Sousuke. You're wise beyond your years. Just some kick ass rock 'n' roll. Some good ole stuff from the 70s. Van Halen 'On Fire." UFO 'Too Hot To Handle.' Blue Oyster Cult, 'Godzilla.' Stuff like that.

"Godzilla?" Sousuke's eyes perked up. He couldn't help himself. He loved Godzilla movies.

"You bet. AC/DC 'Highway To Hell.' Ted Nugent 'Cat Scratch Fever.' Be sure to play that one for Kaname some day. You'll thank me. Judas Priest, 'Killing Machine.' The hits just keep on coming."

"I see." Sousuke didn't know what to think. He took the disk. "Thank you."

"No problem," Kurz said, giving Sousuke a thumbs up sign. "Kick ass, dude. Don't forget to come back alive."

When the hatch was closed, Sousuke knew there was no more delaying it. He had to initiate the next step in his medical process. He flipped one switch, turning on the external speakers.

"This is Urzu-7. I will initiate Lambda Driver in T-minus thirty second. I recommend everyone retreat to the hangar walls opposite Arbalest." He took a deep breath and addreesed the A.I. "Put all other functions on hold, Al. Initiate Lambda Driver start-up."

"Affirmative, Sergeant."

"Do _not_ obey any other orders about the Lambda Driver. Remain immobile, keeping control of all motive systems. Is that understood?" Sousuke was not about to take any chances. He had no idea how things might affect him.

"Heard and understood, Sergeant. I will comply."

Sousuke sat back and closed his eyes. Right now, inside his blood stream, the micro-spheres would be dissolving. How long would he have to wait before he knew whether or not there would be any adverse side effects? Even before he finished asking himself that question, there was a growing warmth within him. It started in his fingers and toes, and then spread inward. His mind even felt warm, if that made any sense. Ever so slowly, he felt as if he were leaving his shell in some kind of out-of-body experience. But, before he knew it, he was whole again… and then dissociated… and then intact. It felt as if his entire body was growing well beyond the bounds of Arbalest. Not long thereafter, he felt as if he were incredibly small. Sousuke opened his eyes, feeling foolish. Naturally, he was the same size as always. He closed his eyes again.

After a few more minutes, it felt as if his every bone was vibrating, his every muscle twitching, his every breath going on forever. He began to feel cold in his extremities. His feelings began to ebb and flow. He experienced emotions that he couldn't identify. Memories wandered in, uninvited and juxtaposed. His mother. He could see his mother clearer than ever before. Her voice. He could hear her voice! A dog at the mujahaideen camp had grabbed a small piece of food he had stolen from a blind beggar women. Trying to get it back, his hand was savaged. He sucked on it, trying to stop the bleeding. The other dogs fought over the spoils. He went hungry that night. He was in a RK 92. As it had been crippled, he fired off explosive bolts, disengaging the lower limbs. Using the craft's arms to move, he fought off enemy Savages and saved Mao, a hostage girl, and captured Mithril troops. There was smoke inside Jindai High School. The explosive had been a little much for the job at hand. At least the mysterious letter had been destroyed. Why was Kaname so angry with him?

"Sergeant Sagara, are you OK?" It was Captain Testarossa's voice. "The doctors tell me that your vital signs are stable. How are you handling the final stage?"

For a moment, Sousuke's senses were interconnected. Each word that Tessa spoke triggered a different flavor. Colors began flashing on and off in his head, each associated with a different emotion. Feelings darted here and there, as his brain was working with a box of puzzle pieces, trying to see where everything fit. "I'm not certain, Captain. My senses are disconnected. Memories are coming in at random. My feelings are beginning to wax and wane without any sense of reason. I'm beginning to feel nauseous. I feel cold. So very cold." Sousuke's hands clenched, but he couldn't feel his fingers.

"Sergeant Sagara, can you hear me?" It was Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin. "Dr. Cannon-Bard has suggested that you try and focus on some recent thought. Choose something positive, something that will hold your attention."

"Yes, Sir!" Sousuke tried to bring up memory of his last minutes with Kaname. He stopped. He was worried. "Lt. Commander... will that thought remain… or will it be sacrificed for the good of other thoughts?"

There was a period of quiet. "Sergeant, the doctor says the memory should not be erased. If anything it should be enhanced. Do you hear me?"

"Yes, Sir! Affirmative. I will do my best." Sousuke felt as if he were caught in a raging whirlpool of thoughts, feelings, and emotions. His intuition flashed on and off like a firefly. His concept of spirituality challenged him, tugging at his mind, wanting his full attention. "Kaname!" He tried to focus on her, seeing her image materialize in his mind. She was angry. A wrapped picture lay broken on the floor. This was not the vision he wanted.

He was filled with those emotions related to protection from loss. Those were soon trumped by emotions required for acquisition. Those in turn were pushed aside by feelings critical for perpetuation of things he valued. He could not put names to those feelings. For a moment, he couldn't even remember his own name. "_Ka... na... me..."_ That name stuck with him. Pushing and pulling with all his might, Sousuke tried to reassemble an image of her. He succeeded. She was standing outside in the cold, no shoes on her feet. Shoes. He knew that she owned shoes. It didn't make sense.

He was reaching the base of the whirlpool. Everything spun faster there. The pressure was increasing to incredible levels. He felt as if he were about to black out. Desire. Pleasure. Love. Hope. Joy. Companionship. Wonder. Happiness. They bounced hard off of him, like flotsam and jetsam thrown up by the swirling mental currents.

Why were such emotions causing him pain? Suffering. Hate. Fear. Despair. Horror. Shame. Anger. Lust. Envy. They struck him hard. Why did it feel good? "**KANAME!"** He couldn't picture her. He did see an image of a scarf. It was Kaname's gift to him. He could feel it in his hand.

Gratitude. Love. Pride. Pleasure. Sympathy. Eagerness. Respect. They formed a barrier between him and the raging thoughts. Those emotions felt good. "Kaname." The name came out as a sigh. He could see her. He could smell her hair. He could feel her arms around him. Her eyes were so wide, then they closed. Her lips parted.

Vengefulness. Loneliness. Consternation. Fear. Anger. Sadness. Fear. Fear. Fear. Anger. Anger. Sadness. Those emotions felt bad. But, he did not wish them away. He knew that some of them served a purpose. Sousuke mouthed Kaname's name. He felt pulled into her kiss. The whirlpool of thoughts, feelings, and sensations suddenly ceased. He felt as if he was dropping fast, no longer held up by the fearsome current. But, he didn't crash. He didn't break against the sharp corners of his mind. He was floating.

Sousuke sat in wonder. What did it all mean? His thoughts about Kaname had done all that? he let out a long whoosh of breath, feeling as if he was just cut free of the rack. His sentence had been reduced. He was free to leave the Tower of London. No. Look deeper. He couldn't leave. He had been granted a stay of execution. Someone had made him a guard instead of a prisoner. The emotions were still there, like big dogs pulling at their leashes, looking for any chance to run away. He had a hold on them now. He could handle any one at a time. Hopefully, they wouldn't all start pulling at once.

Kaname. He smiled, even feeling as weary as he did. Then he noticed the com panel. The switch was in the upward position. The light was green. The digital bar graph on a nearby display hovered around the top of a stack of interrupted black lines. The radio was on... full strength. If anyone had been listening, they would have heard every word he said. It had only been one word. A name. Repeated a number of times. 'Kaname'.

"Sergeant, can you hear me?" It was the Lt. Commander again. "Excuse me. Captain Testarossa, are you OK? Do you need to lay down?" The channel went dead for a few minutes. Them it was open again. "I see no need for that, Commander Mardukas. Sagara, can you read me?"

"Affirmative. I am Sergeant Sousuke Sagara. You are Lt. Cmdr. Andrey Kalinin. It appears that I am in full control of my emotions again, at least for the moment. My senses still seem exaggerated, however."

"Very good, Sergeant. When you feel up to it, take your place in the queue. Launch will commence as previously planned. You will be in the second flight along with Urzu-5. Good luck, Sergeant. Kalinin out."

Sousuke walked over to Arbalests place in the hangar. He needed to arrange the ARX-7's weapons and ammunition. A quick download of any last moment mission variables would also be required. He would then back his craft into the powered wing module being hoisted by a large hydraulic arm.

It was time to finalize preparations. The battle was on schedule.

The sooner they neutralized the threat, the better.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

"Al, let's go through some conceptual work ahead of time."

Sousuke had finished reviewing the data on the Grendel Arm Slaves. Mithril had given them the code name 'Phantasm.'

They sounded roughly equivalent to the Venom A.S., with potentially less effective weaponry. There were disturbing hints about advanced cloaking technology. It was not merely a way to blend into the surroundings as per the ECS. Spies were convinced that machines could fool the eye, seeming to be in more than one place at a time, or simply projecting their image to random places. That might prove a challenge. Especially if his senses and emotions prompted him to move a quickly as his he could.

"Yes, Sergeant. I am ready."

"Has the new radar system been installed and validated?" Sousuke hoped that would work against whatever tricks the Phantasm class had.

"Yes, Sergeant,"

"Very good. The newest thermal imagers?" Those might prove useful as well.

"Yes, Sergeant."

"Good. I wish for the following icons to show up on the tactical screens. Radar-detected objects should appear as blue triangles. Thermally-detected objects should be shown as red circles. Objects fulfilling both criteria should be shown as green squares. I want height and width parameters displayed in the lower corners for all objects, if possible. I also want one set of optic pick-ups slaved to the ground at all times. Set resolution at maximum. Your goal will be to pick-up any evidence of Arm Slave foot prints. If you find such markings, plot them as a dotted line marking their progress."

"Yes, Sergeant."

A flash of light exploded behind Sousuke's eyes. His thoughts turned inward. Why did he even need such toys. He was a hunter. They would only slow him down and get in his way. "I... I..."

"Sergeant? I do not understand that communication."

"It's OK, Al. It was non-communicative noise. I will now dictate rough instructions for various actions I will want to try with the Lambda Driver. We will start with the concept of a force spear and shield combination..." Sousuke spent some moments explaining his thoughts on various offensive and defensive configurations. The A.I. did not know which would or would not work. They would both find out today.

The lights inside his head flashed again. He had been looking around the hangar bay as he spoke with the A.I. The VTOL aircraft were all fueled, armed, and lining up for launch. The ground crews were finishing up with helicopter fueling. All of the other Arm Slave pilots were testing out control systems, moving mechanical hands, arms, feet, and legs.

There was too much waiting. Everything was overly complicated. The arrangement was so very ordered... way too restraining... not to his liking. **_"Stop!"_** Sousuke tried to get his wayward thoughts under control. They were at odds with his usual beliefs. He didn't want them to trigger a blitzkrieg of emotions.

"Ceasing activity as ordered, Sergeant."

"Wait, Al. That was not directed towards you!" Sousuke was too late. The A.I. had stored away its work, but had shut a number of subsystems. Sousuke saw spots before his eyes for a moment and felt pressure in his head. His vision blurred and his body shook briefly then stopped. He was sweating. Heavily. Things returned to base line.

"Urzu-7, this is Urzu-2. Urzu-6 and I are heading into queue now. After we ride the lift up, you and Urzu-5 will be next up. Do you read me? Over."

"Uzu-2, I copy. Roger that." Sousuke answered out of habit. Soon, he was questioning that action. Why? For what reason do I need to listen to her? She is a good hunter, but she is _not_ superior to me. The inferior should follow the superior. I should be in first flight. **"No!" **Sousuke took his hands off of the controls. He struggled with himself, fighting against the idea that he should walk up, shoulder Kurz or Melissa aside, and take a place on the elevator.

What was going on with him? Should he report it? Negative. What good would it do? They couldn't hold him back or assign him to different duties. He was needed in this battle. He just had to fight his way through it.

"Hey, Sousuke!. Got that music playing yet?" Kurz sounded as if he was already pumped up. "Even if you don't, it's time to rock and roll for real. Have a good time smelling my exhaust fumes. If you're lucky, I'll leave you an enemy or two!"

"Cut the unauthorized chatter, asshole. Clear the line Urzu 6." Melissa was clearly upset with Kurz. Why? Was she jealous? Was it because Weber wanted to prepare himself in his own way? He didn't want to follow the rules! She was threatened by that! Too bad. Lead, follow, or get the Hell out of the way. Maybe she should just step aside. Images flashed before Sousuke's eyes, interrupting his thoughts. An island. A boy with glasses. A large signal fire. Children with paint on their faces. A severed sow's head on a stick. Flies covering the mouth of that head. A conch. The body of a dead paratrooper. The vision of the conch kept reforming after it faded, time and time again.

"What? What is it?" Sousuke should be able to piece that all together. It was so familiar, but just beyond reach.

He was about to go into battle. This was no time to be at war with himself. What had Kurz said? 'Got that music playing yet?' No, he didn't. Should he? Almost against his conscious will, his hand reached out and turned on the drive with the disc. What song should he select? He didn't know. It was too much of an imposition, having to think and choose, seeing which title sounded the most intriguing. He didn't know this kind of music. He didn't know the songs. He punched in a number at random. The band name and title flashed on his view screen. Starz. 'It's a Riot.'

He felt edgy. Why did he have to stand around doing nothing. He needed to move. This was all taking far too long. "Let's go, Al." Sousuke began moving the ARX-7 forward as the music started.

A drum roll was followed by a propulsive guitar riff and piercing opening lead. The sounds sent a feeling like electricity running throughout his body. What was this? Shut up! Why question it? If it feels good, make the most of it.

'_Some man come running around here, shotgun in his hand...  
'Says I gotta marry his daughter, give her a weddin' band...  
'Man what did I do, to deserve all this...  
'I gave that girl what she wanted. She wanted more than a kiss...'_

Sousuke smiled. Part of him felt excited. Lust filled him. Other emotions followed meekly at its heel, slowly growing bolder. He pushed all sense of propriety and proper behavior out of his conscious thoughts.

'_And they can stand by the altar for the rest of their life, _

'_but I'm not gonna make that fat woman my wife...  
'It's a Riot!'_

Yes. Idiots and their rules. A man has a right to do what he wants. Let the cowards huddle together, too afraid to take what was theirs. He had been a prisoner too long. The image of a conch appeared in his head again. He shook it away.

'_Some man come round here, sent from the F.B.I...  
'They're booking me on suspicion, ain't got no alibi...  
'They wanna know where I was, ten o'clock last night...  
'Man I was in the arms of, the police chief's wife...  
'And I may never get nothing' for the rest of my life, but I got some satisfaction from her last night...  
'It's a Riot!' 'It's a Riot' 'It's a Riot!'_

The guitars pounded and slashed. Sousuke began breathing faster and heavier. The person singing knew the score. Maybe everyone else should too. Watching the elevator coming back down for him and Urzu-5, he turned on the external speaker as he began to move forward. The guitar snapped in quick breaks, the reverb echoing through his ears. It felt as if the notes stretched back to the beginning of his life. He saw images of Russian soldiers. They brought their state sanctioned chaos into his life. He did not follow their rules.

'_Ohhhhhh...come over here...'_  
_'You better watch out for your self...'_

Everybody better watch out. He had a mission to do, just as he did when he was fighting against the invaders. The Russians made a mistake of thinking that they could handle a young child. They found out their error the hard way. Nobody better get in his way now, either. But, this time it did not matter whose side they were on. He would be making the rules. He alone controlled the Lambda Driver. The success of this mission rested in his hands. The image of the conch blazed forth, filling his head with a blinding white light so that he couldn't see anything else. Screw that!

'_You know when those lights go out...'_  
_'I'll know you from anybody else...'_

Sousuke knew what that implied. He wasn't as clueless as he might seem. He had never allowed himself to pay much attention to women. He had been burdened by too many other things. Duty. Embarrassment. Ethics and Morality. What a waste of golden opportunities! That girl Saeki had put a love not in his locker. He missed the chance to put something in her. Tessa had been wriggling all over him at the beach after falling from that M6. He could have shown her the danger of starting something that she might not be ready to finish. Then there was Kaname. That kiss had turned his world upside down. It was time to return the favor, while upping the ante. He would take whatever he wanted… whenever he chose… wherever he liked… and as often as he wanted. She had no choice in the matter.

"**NO!"** The thought of Kaname being turned into nothing but an object of his desires shocked Sousuke. He tried to claw his way back out from under growing layers of anarchy and savagery. It was his job to protect her. He would give his life to keep her safe! Wouldn't he? His head felt like it was about to explode even before the guitars kicked in harder than before.

'_This town is gonna shake...  
'This town is gonna burn...  
'This town is gonna feel it...  
'This town is gonna learn... _

'_Now if I never get nothing' for the rest of my life, I'm gonna blow this town wide open tonight... tonight... tonight..._

'_It's a Riot.' 'It's a Riot.' 'It's a Riot.' 'It's a Riot.' 'It's a Riot.' 'It's a Rio-o-o-o-o-o-t!'_

His life? Yes, it _was_ his life. He didn't belong to anyone else, no matter how fashionable their uniform might be, or how shiny their insignia were. He had been giving for so long. It was time to take. He'd start with some enemy lives. After that, he'd see what fate brought his way.Another memory walked up, grinning.

'I love you Kashim!' Shit head. Kashim is dead. And I am not going to make the mistakes _you _did. You were nothing. It's time to show you how things _should_ be done.

"Urzu-7, what is that music?. Shut that off! The lift operator is waiting for you to stand still. You are delaying the operation." It was that stiff-necked asshole, Mardukas.

Sousuke toggled his microphone. He smiled. Thinking back to the last time he had watched the 'Terminator,' he had the perfect response in mind. His hand slapped the switch off. He grit his teeth. Every conscious thought tried to break free of the seductive call of his building primal urges. He had come ever so close to shouting out 'F-ck you, asshole' in an Austrian accent.

"This... is... nothing... like... me..." He spat out his words. Oh, but it is. You just don't know it yet. Part of him laughed, shaking off the last of his restraints. He wanted to dance a tribal dance. He wanted to sing. He wanted to hunt and feast. "But..." There would be no 'Buts.'

He could place the references now. 'The Lord of the Flies.' The human struggle. The conflict between the impulse to obey rules, behave morally, and act lawfully, and the impulse to seek brute power over others, act selfishly, and behave in a way that will gratify one's desires, scorn moral rules, and indulge in violence.

Sousuke smiled. He began to chuckle. His chuckle grew into a full-fledged laugh. He ran his hands over the control levers.

"Brute power…" The word came out in a whisper.


	21. Chapter 21

"Kaname, are you awake yet?"

Kaname grumbled, and then turned over. She pulled a pillow over her head.

"Dear sister. Are you awake?"

Kaname opened one eye, and then the other. She nudged the pillow aside. She looked at the clock. 7:00am, EST.

"Ka... **Naaaaaa**... _Meeeee_..."

Laying on her back, Kaname looked at the ceiling in disbelief. Was Ayame still doing that?

"_Ple-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s-e,_ Kaname."

Yes. She certainly was. _"Sheesh!"_ Kaname sat up and swung her feet over the edge of the bed. They hung there, unwilling to move another inch. Her eyes slowly closed. Inch by inch, she listed to the side like a sail boat on ever growing ocean swells. Before she knew it, she was snoring again.

"Kaname. If you won't do it for your sister, do it out of consideration for your father. She's driving me crazy!" Shunya's voice woke Kaname like a bucket of ice water.

"I'm up father. I'll need a few minutes." Kaname put on her robe and slid into a pair of furry slippers.

"Good. After presents, I'll make you a big breakfast. Then, I'd better get started on the turkey."

Kaname stretched lazily, smiling when she realized that she wouldn't have to go to school today. She thought back to earlier Christmas holidays spent in this country. Her mother had wanted them to try the local customs. Ayame had taken to it big time. She loved presents. _Presents._ Kaname's spirits sank some. She understood why her father called her and brought her to America so unexpectedly. But, she hadn't had any time to shop for presents. She had a few things that she had gotten ahead of time for her father's birthday. That was simple enough. For Ayame, she could quickly wrap some things of her own that her sister always begged for. It would be hard parting with them, but she couldn't just come empty handed.

Kaname found some wrapping paper in a closet filled with office supplies. She was glad that her father still kept _everything. _He would make most frugal people jealous. After whipping together her gifts, she got dressed. Her arms full with her packages, she padded slowly into the living room, wanting to savor the moment, trying to remember walking out to the tree and seeing her mother and father waiting there. Her mother would always have such a big smile. In those days, her father smiled too.

The tree. There _was _a tree. She had been so caught up last night, that she hadn't taken notice. It was a huge Douglas Fir, branches filled with ornaments and strings of blinking Christmas lights. There was a silly lopsided star on top. She had made that herself, for her parents, years ago. A number of the ornaments were familiar, almost painfully so. The smell of evergreen tickled her nose. She loved that. There was also the smell of hot chocolate. Ayame was sipping from her cup, whipped cream on her nose. Kaname had to fight to keep from laughing. Her father held a cup of coffee, a pitcher of cream by his hand.

"Come on, sleepy head!" Ayame was full of energy. "It's Christmas morning, and you're here with us this year!" Kaname smiled. Her sister looked so happy. She was often sad this time of year, missing her mother.

Shunya looked at Ayame... shook his head... looked at Kaname… and shrugged his shoulders in a 'What can I do?' type of way.

"OK... OK... I'm here. Chill. I don't want you to explode or anything. Daddy would probably make me clean up the mess!" Kaname placed her presents under the tree. Her own choice of words hit hard. She tried not to let anything show. Was Sousuke in battle somewhere? Should she feel guilty, enjoying herself now? No. He wouldn't want that. She knew just what he'd say. 'It's not a problem.' Stupid scruffy big idiot jerk! At least he should have the courtesy to get mad, pout, or even scowl a little. No. It would be 'Not a problem' and that same routine Sousuke look. Damn him!

"Here. I want to see you open this one first." Ayame was too bubbly for Kaname's likeing. She was eager, and had a mischievous look in her eyes.

"Uh huh. I'll save this one for last, then!" Kaname set the gift aside, thinking it felt like a book or something similar.

"Ka...**Naaaaaa**..._Meeeee_..."

Kanamae looked over at her father. He took a sip of coffee and nodded his head meaningfully. He didn't want Ayame worked up.

"OK, already. _Geez._ You haven't changed a bit!" Kaname unwrapped the present and stood staring slack jawed She was going to kill Ayame! It was a book alright… a book with a key, a lock, and the title 'My Personal Diary.' Kaname blushed. She couldn't help herself. Her father was watching her. Ayame had gotten her good, the little weasel.

"Oh, and this goes with it. Let me undo it for you!" Ayame took the paper off of a roll of lipstick. "It's for when you want to kiss the extra- special pages..." The triumph in her eyes was unbearable.

"Ayame…" Kaname forced herself to remain calm. I am Kaname Chidori. I have handled terrorists, kidnappers, and Sousuke. Gangsters, karate clubs, rugby players, and Sousuke. Crazy police women, stalkers, flirtatious stuck-up guys, and Sousuke. I can handle my little sister! "What about a pen? You _must_ have gotten me a pen?"

Ayame smiled and handed Kaname another gift. Naturally, it _was_ a pen. Kaname took it, and then scribbled away. She then closed the diary, locked it, and dropped the key within her robe.

"Well... what did you write?" Ayame stood up, looking down at the diary.

"It's a secret," Kaname said, keeping a straight face.

"**No way.** You _have_ to tell me. I gave you the present after all. _Ple-a-a-a-s-s-s-e."_

"It was a riddle. Want to know how to keep a moron in suspense?" Kaname looked down at her hand, nonchalant.

"OK. _How?"_ Ayame didn't realize she fell for one of the oldest tricks in the book.

Kaname made a sidewise glance at her father. His one eyelid crinkled slightly. She stayed quiet, picking up each of her remaining presents, trying to guess what they were.

"Kaname... _how?"_

Actually, Kaname had a lot of answers to the riddle: 'Don't tell Sousuke what grocery store you are going to.' 'Purposely forget to tell him when you go out to lunch with your friends.'  
'Get on the train, the run off again just as it starts to go, leaving Sousuke on board... unless he does that stupid otaku jump out the window trick again.' 'Tell him you saw something moving outside your window when there's actually nothing there.' And so forth and so on.

_Sousuke. Please be OK._

"I just did," Kaname finally answered. Her smile made Ayame furious, and that had her laughing. She couldn't remember the last time she had laughed that hard.

Her father's look was inscrutable. Was it about the diary? Had that gotten him to thinking about her and boys? Or was it because she seemed so happy sitting here?

Ayame was very happy too, despite being tricked. "Can I open one now, Kaname?" Ayame picked up a large soft package.

"Sure. I think you'll like that one. You better. I might still sneak it into my suitcase." Kaname gripped her skirt with one hand. Some gits were difficult to part with.

Ayame had pieces of paper flying through the air. One landed on her father's lap. "Oh! I can't believe it. Thank you thank you _thankyouthankyouthankyou."_ It was one of Kaname's most cherished possessions. The Bonta-Kun doll.

The two sisters laughed, smiled, and even cried their way throughthe rest of their presents. Shunya had been very generous this year. He usually didn't often buy many gifts, hating excess more than anything. His concern about Kaname had driven him to go shopping while her plane was in the air.

Everything was wonderful. But, Kaname knew the gift that she wanted most of all. She wanted to be able to return to her life in Tokyo. She felt wonderful here, but Japan was where her school and friends were. Her friends and Sousuke. Except he wasn't there.

"So, what _did_ you put in the diary?" Ayame tried again. For the tenth time.

"I'm not going to tell you." Kaname fluffed her hair.

"Tell me!" Ayame put her hands on her hips.

"No." Kaname looked away.

Tell me. _Tell me._ **_TELL ME!"_**

**"NO!" **Kaname folded her arms across her chest. "I am not going to, and that's final. _Hmmmpppfff!"_

The presents all opened, Shunya made a retreat into the kitchen to make breakfast, clean the turkey, and start working on the stuffing. He stopped, turned around, and spoke to his eldest child. "Kaname. There's a reason I let your sister get you out of bed so early after your long flight. Mr. Smith will be coming over at 10:00am this morning. He will want to meet you and ask you about your itinerary. You can trust him. He's always done well for us." Kaname sat quietly. Her face was a blank slate. That was enough of a signal for her father. "Kaname. Listen to me. He may be a different body guard than the one you are used to. I think that may be a very good thing. Don't embarrass the family by acting like a child. The man is a professional. Let him do his job." Her father's eyes narrowed. "He will also be a guest for dinner. This night especially, I would hope there is no unseemly behavior."

"Yes, Father." Her emotions all spun around her, wrapping her tightly. As far as she was concerned, her father's telling her that new body guard was a good thing for her was inconsiderate and in poor timing. He knew where Sousuke was now.

When Shunya walked off into the kitchen, Kaname took the Bonta-Kun doll and flung it hard against the nearest wall, knocking down a framed ink drawing of a Shinto shrine.

"**Hey!**" Ayame dove to catch the doll before it hit the ground. She hugged it tightly to her. "It's no big deal. Father had a body guard for me once, back when there were a number of kidnappings in the area." Kaname didn't say anything. "_Ohhhhhh._ I see. It's Sousuke, isn't it?" Miffed that Kaname didn't answer, Ayame gave the Bonta-Kun a long kiss, then started singing. "Kaname and Sousuke, sitting in a tree... K...I...S...S... I... N…G…" 

Kaname still didn't say anything. The thought of Sousuke and kissing had her thinking back to the other night. So much had happened since then. She felt worn out. But, there was more to come. She had to find the strength somewhere. The way she carried herself over the next few days... especially today... would go a long way towards shaping her father's decisions.

Ayame sat quietly too, now. Watching her older sister, her face fell. "Kaname? Are you OK? Are you thinking about him?" Her older sister nodded her head, sighing. "He really means a lot to you, _doesn't_ he?"

"Yes. I didn't know just how much until recently. Then..." She bowed her head. Why had things happened this way? Hadn't she been through enough in her life? Didn't she deserve some happiness?

"Oh." Ayame sat quietly a while, before patting Kaname's hand. "Do you love him?"

Kaname looked Ayame in the eye. "I don't know. Maybe. We've been through so much together. I miss him very much."

"You're lucky, then." Ayame had been through her share of crushes at school. She was jealous for Kaname, and happy for her. She hoped someday to be that lucky. "Does he love you?"

Kaname put her head in her hands. She fought back the tears. "I don't know. I hope so. Someday. I wanted to find out. I hope I still can."

"I see. I was hoping that you might want to stay here with us." It was Ayame's turn to keep from crying. "Silly, huh? I wouldn't want that if it made you sad." It was so great to see her sister. She wished it could last forever.

Kaname smiled, then reached out to muss up her sister's hair. "It's up to Daddy, I guess." It was no guess. Kaname knew who had the final say. "But... if things go wrong… I may not want to go back." Kaname hung her head again.

Ayame wanted to ask the question, but didn't know how. She decided to stay quiet. Kaname volunteered the information any way, feeling like she needed to talk, and knowing that her sister was concerned. "Sousuke is in my class, the big jerk. He's assigned to protect me, and he _does..._ when he's not too busy getting me in trouble. But, like I told Daddy, he's a soldier first. It's so hard to believe. Even after all that time..." Kaname's voice ran down. Why did the first boy who really touched her heart be a soldier? Why did the moron have to be so damned good at what he did? _Big stupid head!_

Ayame looked over on one of the bookshelves in the living room. It was a picture of their father in uniform, surrounded by men he had served with in the Japanese armed forces. She was glad that her father never had to fight in a war.

"He is an Arm Slave pilot, the crazy otaku fool. Boys his age should be building models of them or getting all geeky-eyed over seeing one... not fighting in one. They don't send those things to fancy holiday parades or good will tours. He's always in danger when he's not around me. It's better when he stays in Tokyo."

"He'll be back then, won't he? He's come back before, right?" Ayame wanted Kaname to be happy even more than she hoped for her own happiness.

"I hope so, Sis. I hope so."

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

The doorbell rang.

Kaname cursed. If she had been on her toes, she would have disconnected the thing. Then she would have changed the number over the door and on the mailbox. Maybe even painted the house!

Her first difficult introduction of the day was here. Admittedly, it should be by far the less emotional... but that didn't make it insignificant. She didn't want another body guard. Somehow, that felt like being unfaithful to Sousuke. Of course, they didn't even have a relationship where that could be possible yet, but she knew what she meant.

Maybe she should just relax and think things through. If no one was looking for her, and no secret agency knew where she was, she wouldn't even need some clown trailing after her. But, on the other hand, if she was in danger, could anyone else take care of her as well as Sousuke?

Well, she doubted anyone else could blow so many things up... tackle as many innocent people... or find so many constructive and socially acceptable ways to use weapons. She laughed, watching as her father walked towards the front door. Her laughter stopped. What if she found that professional body guards were safer and less annoying than a certain young sergeant? She knew her temper. If Sousuke was officially a screw up, would she start disrespecting him? No!

"Come in, Max. Merry Christmas. Thank you for arranging things in such short order. Here I'll put the wine in the refrigerator, if I may. Let me introduce you to my daughter." Shunya took his guest's coat and led him into the living room. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"I'm happy to help, Mr. C. You've always treated me right, so I'm always happy to return the favor. A beer or some wine would be fine. Not too much, it's still morning."

Kaname stood at the archway into the room. She still hadn't seen the guy yet, but already she didn't like him. It wasn't Mr. Smith's fault. Her father was being so kind to the big dufus, but couldn't spare a single kind word for Sousuke. Two hands pushed against the small of Kaname's back. It was Ayame. "Don't be shy, Sis. Just get it over with. He's _really_ cute..." Kaname couldn't see her sister's smile as she stumbled into the room.

"My oh my. You've sure grown, Ayame." Mr. Smith rose to greet Kaname. "You've gotten so cute, your father should probably get you a guard."

Kaname almost cursed. She hated that smarmy kind of talk. And, if this clueless nincompoop thought she was Ayame, his powers of observation must be exceptional..._not!_ "I'm Kaname, Sir. I believe you were hired to keep an eye on me." Kaname looked the man up and down. Oh sure, Ayame. He's really cute. Fourties. Balding. Bushy mustache. Beer belly. _Gorgeous._

"Really?" The man winked at Ayame... cocked his finger like a gun... and then smiled. Ayame smiled in return.

Better yet. He's a comedian. Kaname had always been on Souske's case, trying to make him more outgoing and jovial. 'Memo to myself: let him stay as his is!'

"So, I take it you are Kaname. I'm Maximilian Smith. You can call me Max if you like." The man held out his hand. Kaname shook it. "I've worked with your father before. He's a fine man. We should probably get down to business now while there's time. I'd hate to spoil the mood later. Your old man is a splendid cook."

"Yes." Kaname wondered if he was going to ask her a lot of questions about her habits and such. He would probably want to know why she needed a guard. There was no way she would tell him about Mithril! Hopefully, her father had been discrete. Maybe she should ask her questions first. "Mr. Smith, could you tell me where you did your training?" Kaname didn't know enough about various academies or training centers, but she had learned to spy a liar or exaggerator from miles away.

"It's Max. I was a member of the NYPD for ten years. That was all the training I need. I retired with a distinguished record. I have a spotless record as a body guard ever since." He held out his hand and accepted a glass of dark ale from Kaname's father.

"Yes, Kaname. Max has a fine reputation around the city." Her father had a glass of ice water.

"Any combat training?" Kaname snapped off her question like she was looking to put together an assault squad. Damn that Sousuke! He was definitely rubbing off too much on her.

"I like to think of duty on the streets as its own kind of combat, little lady. Unlike those guys who spend all of their time marching and making up their bunks, I used to put my life on the line every week. Sometimes, it was mostly every day." Mr. Smith raised his beer in an answering salute. Shunya had nodded his head in his direction.

Kaname fought to keep from snarling. It felt as if the man had belittled Sousuke. Now was not the right time for that. "I see. No actual combat experience or special training. Mr. Smith, how many times have you come under fire? Do you have any experience with terrorists?" Kaname was not in the mood to walk wary. Her dander was up. She ignored her father's sour look.

"Please. Call me Max. Little Miss, the whole idea is to be good enough that your charge never comes under fire. Anyone who tells you something else is handing you a load of bull. Pardon my French." Max sat back in the chair, placing his hands on his ample girth. "We've only had one episode with terrorists around these parts. That was a shock to us all. Nothing any one man could have done about that."

"Kaname. Please give Max the courtesy of getting to know you the way I do. I hardly think you are lmaking much of an impression on him. Besides, he's here to protect you. There are things he needs to know." Shunya's words sounded to the world like a request. Kaname knew otherwise.

She was not about to back down. "Yes, Father. I only have a few more questions." Kaname bowed slightly to her father. She turned and looked at Mr. Smith again. "Do you have any of your weapons on you, Mr. Smith? I would be interested in seeing them."

"Oh ho ho ho. Looks like you have a real spitfire here, Mr. C." The bodyguard chortled. Kaname's father did not seem amused. "Well, darlin', I have the only weapon I ever need right here. There an old hunting shotgun in my trunk, but I haven't used that in years." The man put a hand gun on a nearby coffee table. "Smith & Wesson .357 Magnum. Served me well on the force. I won't ever need another pistol." He smiled. "You can touch it if you like. I don't keep it loaded."

"A _revolver?"_ Kaname was incredulous. She couldn't disguise her shock and disdain. "Good handguns are simple to acquire. As I have been told, the New York City police force switched over to Glock 17s a number of years ago. Those are light weight, easy to conceal, and can carry ten, seventeen, nineteen, or thirty-one round clips." I'm sounding like that stupid otaku again!

"I'm actually glad that I was never forced to use any of those plastic toys, young lady. Nothing is as dependable or hard hitting as a good old five round piece of iron. It's not fussy about ammunition, and five shots will always be four more than I will ever need." Mr. Smith smiled... picked up his pistol... spun it... and put it away.

"They're hardly toys," Kanme retorted. "There are plenty of good semi-automatics available with acceptable reliability. Sig Sauer, Beretta, HK, etc. If you want something tried and true, the Colt M1911." Kaname had heard the spiel before. On more occasions than she had ever wanted. Now, more than anything, she wished that she could hear it again.

"Someone's been watching too many action films, I think." Mr. Smith chuckled and looked over at Shunya. Kaname's father had a completely blank face, a very bad sign.

"No. I haven't. I can't stand them. I _live_ them. Revolvers are ideal for home defense, with owners who know little or nothing about handguns. They are bulky, heavy, carry little ammo, and are slow to reload. They were unable to meet the growing needs of a modern police force. I am not at liberty to say why I need protection... but it is _not_ from irate drivers, street punks, and the occasional purse snatcher. This is not a game to me. It's my life." Kaname did not say that she didn't see the sense of going from the penthouse to the outhouse, but she was thinking it. She knew her words were an invitation for trouble, but she was damn sure going to stand up for herself.

"Kaname, I need help with something in the kitchen. Max, there is left over breakfast if you're hungry. Ask Ayame for anything you need." Shunya headed off to the kitchen without even sparing Kaname a glance.

She knew that things were about to hit the fan. Her father had only been trying to help her, and had done the best he could in the time available. But, in Kaname's mind, it was almost worse than doing nothing.

"Please peel those potatoes for me and place them in the pot of cold water. The carrots could use skinning and the bread could use more kneading." Shunya put on his apron and started in on other culinary tasks. Kaname began with the potatoes. She remained silent. When she had started on the carrots, her father finally spoke again. "Mr. Smith is a guest in this house for dinner. At the very least, that should have earned him the right for courtesy and good manners." He didn't say anything more than that for fifteen minutes. Kaname continued on with her work with the peeler, placing the carrots in a large pot filled with water and brown sugar. "You interrogated Mr. Smith like he was a criminal. He is here on a holiday, not only for dinner, but to protect you from danger. Your questions were insulting. The topic of discussion was inappropriate for a young woman your age." Again, her father stopped and went back to work.

Kaname began working on the bread. She was angry, and just a touch sad. Her father had no idea just what she had been through. She felt like a stranger in this house suddenly. But, she wasn't certain if it was because of her father's inflexibility or her own impatience and independence. He hadn't changed. _She _had. Without realizing it, she was brutalizing the bread. It was the only way she had to vent her frustrations.

"I know how you must be feeling about certain things, Kaname." Shunya cracked a number of eggs one-handed, dropping the white and yolk into a small bowl. "But, after that little show in the parlor, I find I can no longer hold my tongue. It is obvious that you have been exposed to some bad influences. That needs to stop. There may yet be time to correct matters."

Kaname froze. Here it was. The moment she had dreaded. She might be faced with a major decision, and her temper could end up being her undoing. She pulled the dough off of her hand then cleaned off the residue with a towel. "Father, I wish it were that simple. If someone could perform an operation that stopped me from being Whispered, I would gladly go under the knife. I don't think you can ever know what if feels like." She picked up an orange. "To some people, I exist only to be squeezed dry and thrown away. When you have something on your shopping list that you absolutely must have for a recipe, you don't stop until you get it. If the cost is too high, you shop somewhere else." She sighed. "I'm sorry if my inquiry seemed rude, but this is not a game of honor to me. It's my life. Worse, it's Ayame's and your lives, too. You don't understand the type of people who hunt the Whispered. You have no idea what they are willing to do to meet their needs."

"That…" Shunya closed his mouth. It might be important to hear just what his daughter had to say.

Kaname couldn't help herself. She shivered slightly. She never realized just how safe Sousuke had made her feel. His talents were obvious. Even his misadventures served as a way to distract her. The full weight of her situation hit her. The people she loved were in danger because of her. "If no one has tracked my movement, then we would be safe without any guard. But, if I have been followed, hiring that man would be the same as hanging out a sign that says 'Attention shoppers, special on aisle three. Delicious oranges. Take them home and juice them"

Shunya wiped his hands and turned to look at his daughter. He looked troubled. "I've done what I can, Kaname. I've done it for you. Mr. Smith is a professional. We are better off with him here than we would be without him. Given that... and given the inevitability of your situation... you could have handled things with grace and delicacy---the way your mother would have. We all have to make the best of a difficult situation." He paused a moment. "I think it might be best if you came back to the States permanently. I can't help but notice an alarming change in your attitude and self control. There are worse things than being in harm's way, daughter. What is the value of life, if you become someone you should not be? You have too much potential, Kaname."

Kaname wanted to be angry. She wanted to shout, just to try and make her father understand. His disappointment hit her harder than she thought it could. For all her show of independence, she was still a girl who wanted her father's approval. "I honor and thank you for your intentions, Father. I am sorry that I am such a disappointment to you. I have always done the best I could." Kaname teared up. "I don't know what else to say or do. I believe I have found the best thing for me. I have been working hard to reach my potential. I will never be my mother. No matter where I live." The look she turned on her father took his breath a way momentarily. "You are correct though, Father. There are worse things than dying. I found that out before. I once hoped that I had put such days behind me. You seem intent on moving on with your new life. I wish I knew what I had to do to earn the same privilege." She pulled the hair away from her eyes.

Shunya looked troubled. He was faced with a terribly difficult decision, one which would affect not only his daughter's life, but the well-being of the entire family.

"The bread is ready for baking." Kaname bowed and walked out of the kitchen, locking herself away in the guest room.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Picking up the picture of Sousuke and his old squad, Kaname lay down on her back on the bed.

She held the picture up, her eyes glued to Sousuke's face. He looked so small. It was almost as if he were fading out of her life. "Nothing's blown up lately. I haven't had to hit anyone for two whole days. No one has said any crazy otaku stuff." She shook her head, trying to keep from crying. "I miss you. I don't know if I'll ever see you again. I hope you're OK."

She rested the framed photo on her chest, hands folded over it. She closed her eyes. Tears spilled down both sides of her face. There was a soft knock on the door. The door handle jiggled. "Kaname?" It was her father's voice. She didn't answer. Eventually, footsteps could be heard moving away from the door.

Opening her eyes, Kaname stared up at the ceiling. Her friends were in danger. She might never see them again, even if the crisis passed without any terrible tragedy. No doubt her father would hire someone to pack up and ship all of her things. Maybe he would let her do it, saying good bye to everyone, and storing up a few more memories of her homeland.

She thought back to when she was young. She had run away at an early age, brought home by the police the next day. There was nothing to stop her from doing that again, but where would she go? How would she get by? It would be hard working a job and going to school, but she could try. There was also Mithril. Could she find a position there? No. As hard as this was, she would never abandon her ties with Ayame and her father. They both loved her very much. She realized that her father cared deeply for her, but didn't understand who she was or what she needed. There simply was no way for him to know any of that. His actions were based on the world _he_ knew. Maybe if he grew to trust her over time, he would let her make her own choice again.

"Rescue me, Sousuke." She smiled at her impromptu words. It did almost feel as if she had been kidnapped and held captive. For a while, she daydreamed about a certain young troublemaker. Tired, she fell asleep.

A sound startled her awake. Disoriented, she tried to figure out why it was so familiar. It was her cellular phone! Where had she left it? _In her purse._ Almost falling out of bed, she went to find it. Did she really want to answer it? It could be Kyouko, or one of her other friends, wanting to see how she was doing or find out when she might be coming home. That might be a very difficult conversation. It could be someone from Mithril, calling with bad news about Sousuke. She definitely didn't want to hear the words 'I'm sorry, but...' or 'He was a hero, and...' It could be Sousuke. Maybe he wanted to speak to her before leaving on his mission. They wouldn't permit him to do that, but if he really cared about her he might risk it.

"Hello?" It struck her as she answered, that the caller could be from a group looking for her for all the wrong reasons. If so, they may very well have pinpointed her location. Too late now. It was a man's voice. It asked if she was alone and able to speak. Uncertain what she should do, Kaname decided to proceed as if the speaker was not an enemy. If he did mean her harm, the damage was already done. People with sophisticated equipment could pinpoint her location.

"Yes." Kaname felt a chill pass through her. The man identified himself as a Mithril operative based in New Jersey, at a safe house relatively close to New York City. He patched through a call. There was a familiar voice on the other end, one of the operatives that she had met in Tokyo.

"I haven't seen any signs of being followed. Am I in danger?" Kaname went to peer out through the slats of the window blinds. The operative had asked her how she was, and if she had seen or hear anything that made her suspicious. After hearing her answer, he said that he would pass along that information to his superiors as a matter of completeness. He vouched for the man in New Jersey, saying he would leave her in his capable hands. That agent would answer any and all questions she had.

The other man came back on the line.

"I'm not certain, Sir. My father may want to make my stay a permanent one. I don't mean to interrupt. Is it OK to ask? Have you heard anything about... uh... certain goings on in Asia?" Kaname didn't mean just the potential of an armed conflict. She was mostly worried about a particular combatant. The man was very well informed. He told her in no specific terms that operations were underway. He said that there would be no word through his office concerning specific people. She understood what he was saying. He could not tell her anything about Sousuke.

"That's OK. I understand. Yes, I found it necessary to inform my father. He has since acquired the services of a bodyguard, a retired police officer. I cannot honestly say I feel in the least bit safe." Kaname frowned and fought the impulse to kick a pillow that had fallen to the floor. Her eyes opened wide. The man on the phone was laughing, after having made a light-hearted comment. He still hadn't mentioned any names, but the comment 'at least you won't need to worry about any explosions' caught her by surprise. Sousuke must be a legend in his own time. She found herself smiling. Her smile deepened. The man went on to anonymously praise the efforts of her previous protector.

"Yes, Sir. 'One of a kind' is a very good description. The people you work for didn't happen to clone him, _did_ they?" Kaname smirked. She could only imagine what might happen if more than one Sousuke ever got together at one place at one time. By coincidence, the Mithril agent expressed the same thought before continuing.

"Oh. But... does someone think they will be after me, too..." Kaname bit her lip. The man had mentioned that a number of Whispered living in the northeastern United States had been kidnapped, or had attempts made on them. One young woman had been taken from her suburban New York high school. It was thought that those had been plots that had been in the works for a long time. Nonetheless, Mithril was concerned about her safety.

"I certainly would appreciate that. No. I can't say how my father would react to _that." _Kaname pursed her lips. She could imagine what would happen if the agent was a mature gentleman. Worse, she could imagine what he might say if the operative were a young man near her age.The operative went on to say that they would put a filed agent on her case. He asked if her family would accept an agent into their home.

"Sure. I certainly wouldn't object to that! If my father says 'No,' we haven't lost anything. He might be angry with me, but I can live with that. If he says 'Yes,' I'll feel a lot better." The man said that he would send an operative over to speak with her. If possible, the agent would be able to stay for dinner, and even take up residence on site, situation permitting.

"Great! Thank you." Kaname felt a sense of relief wash over her. Finally, things were looking up. The mischievous part of Kaname rubbed its figurative hands together. This ought to ruffle her father's feathers. It might even convince him to forget about Mr. Smith. At the very least, a discrete layer of protection would be added, and the portly ex-cop would be a fifth wheel without ever knowing about it.

She wasn't going to mention anything to her father yet. He might just veto everything. It would be nice to see his face after he opened the door. Her father was concerned about her potential. She would show him her ability to shape her own destiny. If he didn't like it, too bad! He better get used to it, if he ever convinced her to stay in this house.

Now, what else could she do? Oh! That would be too nasty. She would never go _that_ route. It would only prove her father right about her attitude and behavior. Still, she had to smile, thinking about what would happen if she decided to use her father's girlfriend as the focus of her campaign. If she was nasty to her, maybe her father would want to get her out of the house. Likewise, if she was chummy but intrusive, she might earn herself a ticket home.

That wasn't the type of person she was. Yet.

It wasn't a topic she really wanted to think about now, in any case. Somehow, she was enraged by the notion of her father caring for someone other than her mother. Her head knew that it was only fair for him to find someone to care for. Her heart was not so easily convinced. She looked over at some of the photographs of her mother. She picked up and handled some things that had belonged to her. Would these things all be pushed aside or hidden away altogether, if there was a new woman of the house? That just didn't seem fair, somehow.

Was there anything else she could think about that might prove useful later on? Her mind was in too much of an uproar to want to walk through things logically. One particularly scandalous thought came to mind. She considered the possibility that her father would indeed try to keep her here. She also hoped that Sousuke would return home safely from his mission, insuring the safety of Japan in the process. What would happen if she called him... told him she was being held against her will... and wanted his help. "Omigod!" Kaname didn't know whether to fear for her family's lives, or fall of the bed giggling. She could just picture it.

**_'What gives you the right to come in my house that way?'_** Her father would be angry.

**'This!'** Sousuke would hold up a grenade.

**_'Daddy, meet Sousuke'_** She'd be ever so nonchalant.

Or, maybe it would be something a bit more dramatic.

**_'Kaname, call the police!'_** Her father would tell them all to get under the nearest furniture.

**'Why, Daddy? Do you have something against the police?'**

**_'Someone just blew a hole in our wall!' _**It could just as easily be a door... a bank of windows... or a large opening in the ceiling.

**'Sousuke has a problem with knocking...'**

No. With her luck, the big idiot would behave in a much different way.

**_'I take it you are Sousuke, young man?'_** Her father would be very stern.

**'Affirmative!'**

**_'And I assume you are here to see my daughter.'_**

**'Uh... yes..."** He'd be sweating. Jerk!

**_'What exactly are your intentions?'_**

**'Uh...'** That's right. There would have to be 'Uhs.'

**_'Are you planning on corrupting my daughter?'_**

**"Uh...'**

**_'Well!"_**

**'Uh...'**

**_'Speak up!'_**

**'Only if she orders me to, Sir!'** The big stupid head!

At least those would be better than the alternative. She could too readily imagine a street full of fire engines, police cars, trucks from the media, and a coroner's van. A rescue team would be removing bodies from the smoking remains of the house, and possibly from the homes on either side of it. Sousuke, of course, would sneak out of view, no worse for wear. She would run over to him, frantic.

**_'Sousuke, what happened?'_**

**'Kaname, you should have told me that the house was heated by propane.'**

**_'W-H-A-T ?"_**

**'It is no longer a problem.'**

**_'BAKA !"_**

No. Not even Sousuke would do something like that No one could be _that_ clueless. Part of her mind offered up a rebuttal, acting like a shrewd prosecutor. There were too many 'Sousuke-episodes' on file in her memory. She couldn't help but view scenes of exploding shoe boxes and lockers. In another scene, a certain clueless moron brought a deadly biological agent into the school. There were traps during Art class. _Art class!_ The school was damaged in a battle between teenagers and a janitor carrying a chainsaw. Someone thought that picking up girls meant trapping them in big metal cages. A particular genius decided that a school festival needed a security gate that cost more than the entire available budget. Unawares, a poor heartbroken girl had been kept in the gun sight of someone covered with swaths of grass and a camouflage uniform.

Moron. Big idiot. Jerk.

Kaname stayed in her room, not wanting to face her father just yet. She sat at the edge of the bed, still dressed in her robe and slippers. She thought about her past, especially the times she had spent together as a complete family. There were a lot of good things to remember. Could she hope that any future memory of her family would be happy as well?

Her phone rang again. "Hello?' She did not recognize the number on the caller I.D. screen. It was the agent who had been assigned to the case.

"Yes, that is the correct address. How long do you think it will take you?" Kaname felt a sense of rightness, hearing the other person's voice. She smiled. By the sound of the agent's voice, her father and Mr. Smith might be in for a bit of a shock.

"Sure, that would be fine. I can't guarantee that my father will invite you in. But, that might make him feel obliged to do so. We should have plenty of food, regardless." The operative had offered to bring along some side dishes from a nearby gourmet Deli.

"No, I haven't mentioned it to him yet. I didn't want to give him time to come up with arguments against it. Yes, the other gentleman is here. Oh, I should have thought of that. I never finished with my questions." Kaname felt embarrassed. She had never asked to see any form of identification. She simply assumed that Mr. Smith was on the up and up, because her father knew him. Sousuke better not get wind of that!

".357 police issue revolver, kept in a holster under his suit jacket, situated at the base of his left arm. He keeps it unloaded inside the house." Kaname felt a sense of déjà vu as the agent expressed great disdain about the professional acumen of Mr. Smith. She grinned. Where did Mithril dig up these people?

After she finished with the conversation, Kaname went about getting dressed with renewed enthusiasm. Finished, she went out into the living room and apologized to Mr. Smith. She sat down in a chair opposite his and answered his questions while she waited. She wanted to see the ex-cop's reaction when a stranger showed up at the house.

"What's so funny, Sis?" Ayame came and sat by her sister, hoping that things would turn out better than she feared.

"Nothing," Kaname said, tweaking Ayame's nose. That was the signal in sister language for 'Don't be so nosey.' Ayame made a sour face. She knew her sister only too well. She was up to something. How dare she keep it a secret! But, if it was fun, she didn't mind.

The doorbell rang. Ayame scampered off to see who it was. Kaname scowled at Mr. Smith involuntarily. They weren't expecting any guests at this hour… at least none that he had been informed about. He shouldn't have let Ayame run off like that. He should be up off of his wide bottom, making certain that things were OK!

"I'm sure it's fine, sweetheart. Terrorists usually don't ring doorbells, do they?" Mr. Smith obviously thought that he himself was clever, and that Kaname was over-reacting. She bit her lip, not wanting to tell the man he was a fool.

"Who's at the door, Ayame?" The sound of footsteps suggested that Shunya was heading for the front door.

"Hello, my name is Stacy Winston. Kaname asked me to come over." It was a young girl's voice. The agent had arrived.

"I must apologize. I wasn't expecting anyone. My daughter didn't make mention of you." There was a moment of awkward silence. "Please. Come in. Ayame, take those bags from the young lady. They look heavy."

"Thank you. I'll keep hold of this one, if I may. The other has some side dishes. I didn't want to come empty handed." Stacy sounded about Kaname's age. It was a good thing Sousuke wasn't here. If the girl had a penchant for weapons, Kaname might never get him back. Jerk! Single-minded military-issue freak!

"Ah! That is very considerate of you. It's good to see that some young ladies still value manners these days. Let me show you to the parlor." Shunya didn't sound upset. He was the consummate politician. Kaname grumbled. Mr. Smith still sat back in his chair. He chuckled quietly.

When her father and Ayame accompanied Stacy into the room, Kaname had to do a double take. The young operative was dressed in a very nice sweater and skirt outfit with a fashionable vest, shoes, and handbag. She put a large shopping bag on the floor.

"I assume you already know Kaname," Shunya said, giving his eldest daughter a stern look. "The gentleman in the chair is Mr. Smith, one of our guests for the evening. Please, make yourself at home. Kaname or her sister Ayame will be glad to get you a snack or some refreshments. Tea perhaps?"

"You are very kind, Sir. I'm fine just now." That reply earned Stacy a smile from Kaname's father. Kaname noticed, and then scowled. Stacy noticed Kaname's reaction and grinned herself. Ayame noticed everything, gleefully rubbing her hands together.

I can only hope that your polite behavior can rub off on someone," Shunya sniped. "Kaname, in the future, I hope that you will do me the courtesy of informing me when you ask guests over." The look he gave Kaname implied that it was an order, not a request.

Kaname smiled. She knew she was being petty, but she couldn't help herself. "But Daddy... if you want me to stay here... can't I have any friends? Don't you remember Stacy?"

"No, I don't. My apologies. I'm not very good with names or faces. We'll discuss this later" Shunya pushed his glasses up further on his nose.

"Yes, Father." Kaname turned to Mr. Smith. "Mr. Smith, as a bodyguard, shouldn't you check into the identity of anyone entering the house. You didn't ask Stacy a thing." Kaname fought hard to keep from smiling. She was certain the man would make another self-satisfied and ridiculous remark. He might have some value after all Looking at Stacy, Kaname saw that she was making an effort not to smile, herself. Stacy took a couple of steps closer to Mr. Smith.

"Please, darling. Leave professional business to the professionals. A pretty little thing like this could _never_ be any danger." The man gave Stacy a less than polite once-over. Before he knew it, there was a gun at his temple. Stacy had moved nearly as quickly as Sousuke might have.

"Glock 17. That's a very nice choice." Kaname smiled. She purposefully did not look over at her father.

"Thank you." Stacy said. "It serves me well. It's not like I'm stupid enough to carry a revolver or something." She put the gun away as quickly as it had appeared. Mr. Smith's mouth was still open. He had topped his glass over without knowing it. Beer trickled down his pants leg.

Kaname wanted to clap her hands. It looked like she could get along well with the Mithril agent. "Do you mind if I'm the one who tells my family about you? Within limits, I mean."

"Go right ahead." Stacy looked over at a stunned Shunya.

"Don't you mean 'Not a problem?' "Kaname asked, laughing.

"Excuse me?" Stacy was obviously confused.

"Never mind. I'll explain it to you later." Kaname's look sobered considerably when she turned to speak to her father. "I'm truly sorry, Daddy. I understand that I shouldn't act behind your back in your own home. But, I take my safety seriously. Your safety and Ayame's are even more important to me." She bowed.

"I see," was all her father said. he was obviously growing very upset, but fought to hide that fact.

"As you may have noticed, certain... agencies... do an exceptional job of training their personnel. An offer was made. I felt compelled to accept it. It is not bad manners, Daddy. I'm simply acting responsibly. I hope you will come to realize that." Kaname's voice broke. Her father took note of that. He nodded his head.

"We will discuss that later, Kaname. Mister Smith, if you do not mind wearing a kimono, I will have Ayame launder your trousers for you. Miss Winston... if that is your real name..." Stacy nodded. "May I have a word with you and my daughter in private, please." Shunya waved his arm towards his den.

"Certainly, by any means." Stacy smiled personably. "If you hadn't offered, I would have insisted."

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Shunya Chidori dropped down unceremoniously into his large easy chair.

His breath exited him in a great whoosh, like air passing through a rent in an inner tube. He looked up at Kaname and Stacy, not knowing where to start. This was not exactly what he had been planning for on Christmas. "Miss Winston..."

"Please. Call me Stacy."

"Stacy. May I ask how I can be sure you are who you say you are?" Kaname's father looked skeptical and concerned. He also took note of how easily Kaname dealt with guns, covert agents, and the like. She actually seemed more at ease now that the gun-toting girl was in the house.

"Father, I can speak to that." Kaname coughed, clearing her throat. "I received a call from a safe house in Japan. They were checking up on me. The person I spoke to is someone I have dealt with in the past. I trust him because... someone else trusted him." She kept from saying 'Sousuke' at the last moment.

"I see. Well then. Stacy why exactly are you here?" Shunya was trying to see both sides of the picture. Part of him was relieved that a Mithril agent was intent on guarding his daughter. Another part was suspicious. A third part was worried about saving face.

"I volunteered, Mr. Chidori, if that is what you mean. I would think the rest is self-evident." Stacy's look was calm and confident. Her answer did not sit entirely well with Kaname's father. What was with teenage girls these days? The answer had not been insolent; but, it hadn't exactly been respectful either.

"Why would a girl such as yourself volunteer? Wouldn't you like to be at home with your family today?" Winstrom did not sound like a Jewish name. The question he didn't ask was 'Why is a girl your age in Mithril and carrying a gun?'

Stacy knew the score. It wasn't her first time on assignment. "I spent time with my parents this morning. I volunteered because my age and appearance would allow me to fit in without drawing any undue attention or suspicion out in public." She paused a moment, wondering how far she wanted to go. She turned to Kaname. "My sister was Whispered, back before they were called by name. She was one of the first ones abducted. She was overseas on Winter Break." Stacy didn't elaborate. No one asked her to. They didn't need to. The emphasis on the word 'was' spoke volumes. So did the young girl's eyes. Kaname opened her mouth to say how sorry she was. She stopped. Stacy knew. She could see it in her eyes. "I joined a certain organization because they wanted to keep an eye on me, concerned that I might be Whispered too. I'm not. I wanted to be able to defend myself, so I convince them to train me. I later decided that I wanted to make a difference."

"I understand." Shunya was obviously moved. Kaname grew somewhat angry, thinking her father showed the other girl more sympathy than he had shown his own daughter. "It would appear that... the organization... must be concerned that Kaname could be in some form of danger."

"Yes, Sir. It is nothing definite. However, in this line of work, if you wait until something is certain, you're too late." She didn't need to mention 9/11. Shunya Kaname would never forget that day. Neither would she. Her uncle was a firefighter.

"Well, at least they sent a girl." Kaname's father looked relieved. That made Stacy smirk. It made Kaname growl.

"Do you have something to say, Kaname?" Her father's jaw tightened. Kaname shook her head. Her father nodded. "I'm glad to see that. You have more than enough to answer for as it is." He scowled.

Kaname's spirit made its reappearance, good sense be damned. "If I'm too much trouble, Daddy, you can always send me home..." She tried to put on a big innocent look.

Shunya closed his eyes and counted to ten. He looked over at Stacy, who quickly got rid of a grin."Stacy, do you treat your father this way?"

"No Sir." Stacy kept a straight face. She made it a point not to look over at Kaname.

"Lucky man..."


	22. Chapter 22

Sousuke felt like he was ready to explode.

He shouted. No, he screamed. There was so much deep within him that wanted to get out.

The first yell had been a challenge to the elements, daring them to hold him back. Rain was washing over Arbalest and the launch deck of the TDD-1 was awash in violent churning waves. The winds were whipping around the Arm Slave and submarine like a ravenous pack of hyenas, but they would not hold him back!

Thrown airborne by the tremendous power of the steam catapult, his rocket boosters pulling him ever higher, he shouted again in pure animal ecstasy. He didn't have his own wings, but it was clear he was meant to soar. Upward through the angry clouds he went, until he burst free into the untainted light above.

"Cruising altitude reached, Sergeant. Maintaining this level until directed otherwise." The A.I. was functioning perfectly. Sousuke wanted nothing to do with functioning perfectly, at least not where himself was concerned.. There was life to live. There were things to experience. How the Hell had he missed that before?He switched over to manual.

"Sergeant, you have switched over to manual. Is there a problem? External sensors show no evidence of threat."

"**Shut up!"** Sousuke growled. "You talk when I want an answer. Otherwise be quiet." He held the throttle down, racing higher and higher. He was a falcon... a hawk... an eagle. Memories of Greek mythology cautioned him, trying to temper his rash behavior. The story of Icarus was a good lesson, part of him asserted. The other part didn't care. That other part was fast becoming the majority.

"Training question, Sergeant. You flight path is erratic. If you are not suffering from a detrimental mental event, why are you pursuing this course of action?"

"**_SHUT THE F-CK UP!"_** Sousuke shouted, not wanting to be interrupted from his visceral pleasures. His choice of language didn't seem to be out of the ordinary to him, and raised no concern in his mind. "This is fun…" He smiled, half closing his eyes in pleasure.

"Urzu-7, this is Flight Monitor. You are far off course. Repeat, you are far off course. Conserve the necessary fuel for potential maneuvers needed at landing. Urzu-7, do you…" Sousuke turned off the communications link with De Danaan. It was interfering with his music.

Yes. Music. It was something he had never truly appreciated. Why hadn't he gotten into music before? Because it wasn't in the manual! It didn't seem civilized. He had been too innocent. He couldn't identify with any of the themes. Desire was bad. Impulses had to be held down. There were so many rules. There were too many restraints. Everything had to be rational, realistic, and reasonable.

"**_Not… any…more!"_** Sousuke laughed. He turned the music up louder.

_'Living easy, living free  
'Season ticket on a one-way ride  
'Asking nothing, leave me be  
'Taking everything in my stride  
_

'_Don't need reason, don't need rhyme  
'Ain't nothing I would rather do  
'Going down, party time  
'My friends are gonna be there too_

'I'm on the highway to hell... highway to hell... I'm on the highway to hell

'No stop signs, speed limit  
'Nobody's gonna slow me down...'  
  
Sousuke shouted again. It was a challenge to the Universe, to Infinity. He had a mission to carry out. It didn't matter if it was a one-way ride. He would get the job done because he wanted to, not because someone told him to do it. He remembered something Gauron once said to him. He paraphrased. It was the intentions that mattered. "Ferryman... you're going to be busy. There are some Arm Slave pilots looking to come visit. I'll see who else I can find to keep them company!"

The enemy was just one more thing that stood in his way. That would be their last mistake. His fingers tapping along, Sousuke understood why Kurz liked to listen to music before a mission. He could even appreciate why it pumped him up during battle. There wasn't too much time before he would arrive on site. He had better enjoy the rush while he could. The next song jacked him up even higher. He smiled. Why was he worried about losing his groove? The real party would start when he hit the ground.

_'Well I don't know where they come from  
'But they sure do come  
'I hope they're comin' for me  
'And I don't know how they do it  
'But they sure do it good  
'I hope they're doin' it for free_

'They give me cat scratch fever... cat scratch fever... I've got it bad scratch fever... cat scratch fever

'Well the first time that I got it  
'I was just 10 years old  
'I got it from some kitty next door  
'Well I went and seen the doctor  
'And he gave me the cure  
'I think I got it some more...'  
  
Sousuke howled, riding a wave of hormones, not caring if he wiped out before reaching the shore. Why had he hidden from all this? What could he possibly gain from holding back? It felt so good just being able to let go! His thoughts grew more exciting as his urges grew earthier.  
There were parts of his medicated mind that fought back, frightened and repulsed by the urges he was feeling. He was confused. He was embarrassed. Repressed. Suppressed. Inexperienced. He was a teen-aged boy, with all that condition entailed.

_'Well I make a pussy purr  
'With the stroke of my hand  
'They know they're gettin' it from me  
And they know just where to go  
'When they need their lovin' man  
'They know I'm doin' it for free...'  
_  
So, he might not have the experience to back up the words. It didn't matter. Held back too long, he had never allowed himself to even explore his desires. He rarely even acknowledged they were there!

He fought like a man. He did a man's job. Why hadn't he collected a man's reward? Things were going to change. Oh yes, things were going to change. He howled again. Freedom was wonderful. Lust had him tingling all over. It was delicious, almost intoxicating. He drummed his hands over the controls closing his eyes until the next song began.

_'I never give no answers, I never tell no lies  
'I never walk a straight line so I never get surprised  
'I don't ask no favors so I won't get abused  
'I learned to win when I was young  
'So I'm never ever gonna lose...'  
_  
Sousuke chuckled deep within his throat, identifying with the song. He didn't know the title. He didn't know the band. He didn't care. It was _his_ song now. "That's right. I'm not going to lose. Not any more. No more doing what I am told to do. No more helping other people win. No more charity. Tiime to take what is mine."

A green light began flashing on the data panel. Sousuke paused the music and pushed a button.

"Weather report encoding, Sergeant. Wind speed and directional information transferring to the screen. Approach and landing orders have been received. Displaying them now on a split screen." The A.I.'s voice was cold and dispassionate. Sousuke felt sorry for it. It sounded just like he once did. Too bad it couldn't feel like he did now. He'd have to enjoy life for the both of them.

Sousuke looked at the required approach vectors. He took note of wind gust trending in the various available quadrants. Looking at the mission parameters he shook his head. "Al, disregard all current parameters regarding landing protocol. We will approach under power. I am not about to use a chute on descent. Prior to landing, activate the Lambda Driver. Create a shield as we discussed earlier. Make it circumferential with complete coverage. Extend the filed to maximum extent, with increasing gradation from outer perimeter inward. We will use the field to soften our landing."

"Sergeant, that is not an established landing procedure. The shielding may fail, or act in some manner that is not predicted by current algorithms. If…" The A.I. never had a chance to finish with its communication.

"**Screw that shit!"** Sousuke said. he had always been either apathetic or annoyed by Melissa's colorful language in the past. Not any more. It had it's own special charm. Just as she did herself. There were things about her that were definitely worth thinking about, things that he had never allowed himself to think about before.

He smiled. He could feeli his heart beaing strongly and hear the rush of blood in his ears. He never could understand why Kurz and Melissa enjoyed watching the X-games on TV, until now. This ought to be the greatest X-game ever. "We're going to take some folks by surprise. _If _we land intact." Part of his mind started figuring out the percentage chances. He purposefully stopped that kind of thinking. Numbers were for accountants and people too afraid to take life as it came. ut, those thoughts were no so easily denied. This was too reckless. It was not a game. He should follow orders. A mistake could prove fatal, not just for him, but for his squad mates. Not to mention the land of his birth.

Someone else would be in danger. Kaname. His mind shouted her name. She could be hurt.She could be killed.

"_N-N-No_..." Sousuke struggled with himself. **"NO!"** He did not want to get caught up in internal debates. Pushing a button, he turned his attention back to the music.

_'I never ask no questions, I never speak my mind  
'I always found that silence helps to keep me and my kind alive  
'I take care of business, It takes care of me  
'I look after myself and do it well  
'cause somebody's always looking for me...'_

Yes. It was time to take care of business. But, this time he would enjoy it. The challenge. The competition. The fighting. The destruction. The winning. Every last bit of it.

_'I got no place, no name, I'm just a killing machine  
'I kept the population down, if you know what I mean  
'I never stop in one place, I move about the cities  
'Got expensive tastes, but I hasten to add that  
'I'm the best that there is...'  
_  
He couldn't put it any better. He _was_ a killing machine. He would make certain that the North Koreans and those fools from Grendel realized that he was the best that there is. Pulling up the mission outline, he ran his eyes down a list of mission objectives grouped by priority, order of performance, and assigned responsibility. He would need to rework it. Why should he limit himself? He knew why they tried to limit him. They wanted to control him. They didn't want others to see his superiority. They didn't want to share the power. Too bad.

Too _damn_ bad.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Stacy sat on the floor, carefully unwrapping the items she had brought in her larger shopping bag.

Kaname looked on, filled with curiosity, glad that her father had relented and allowed the Mithril agent to stay. His dictate had been firm, however. She should stays out of the way. He would still place his trust in Mr. Smith.

"Is that an Uzi?" Kaname saw similarities in the shape of the Submachine gun that Stacy placed on the floor and the Uzi that Sousuke occasional used.

"No. Ruger M9. But, it's essentially an upgrade of the Uzi design. Main improvements over the Uzi include the blow-back operated action being re-designed to be fired from the closed bolt, to increase accuracy; the lower receiver with the handle is made from Zytel polymer, while the upper receiver is made from stainless steel; the butt-stock is redesigned, and is telescopic. When closed, it folds down." She demonstrated as she spoke.

"Nine millimeter?" Kaname asked.

"Yes. Thirty-two rounds. Not the best gun available, but I'm used to it. I trained with one. My parents thought I was going away to cheerleading camp." Stacy checked the spare clips she had lined up next to the gun.

"I suppose most parents might have some issue with their daughter becoming an undercover soldier." Kaname laughed. "No offense. I believe that people should do what they need to do." She went on to tell Stacy about some of her trials and tribulations in Japan.

"On top of all that, you won the big prize. You got to be Whispered. You seem to be handling it pretty well." Stacy wasn't ready to talk too much about her sister yet. The word 'Whispered' still had trouble rolling over her lips every time she said it. "I guess part of that must be because of the agent guarding you." Stacy had been very impressed by the Mithril personnel who had taught her self defense. That was one of the reasons that she had taken things further.

Stacy put a large black pistol on the floor. Kaname recognized that one. Sousuke used one on certain occasions. "Desert Eagle." She saw Stacy nod her head, one eyebrow raised. She licked her lips before continuing.

"I suppose that Sousuke helps me get through things," Kaname admitted. "Probably because he keeps me distracted with all the trouble he causes, the big otaku idiot!" She laughed.

"Ahhhh. Hmmm. Romanatic stuff?" Stacy looked up at Kaname's face while holding her clips of .50 Magnum ammunition against her chest.

Kaname stared at Stacy for a moment. She didn't look like an operative. Her face was that of a teenage girl, the types that love gossiping and telling secrets. "No. Well, not really. Atleast, not yet. Something special did happen though." She paused and let out a long breath."let's see... how do I put this... he's a terror." Kaname went on to give Stacy a capsular summary of Sousuke.

"You're exaggerating, I hope!" Stacy's face exhibited a mixed look of amusement and disbelief. She stopped in the middle of breaking down her second M9.

"No. I left out some of the more ridiculous stuff. I didn't want to give you a bad impression of him." Kaname shook her head.

"_My God!_ I can't believe you never asked to have a new agent. How does he even stay in the organization? The Finance people alone must want his head. Legal too! And all the Sweepers who have to keep things quiet." She critically examined a detachable gun barrel, making certain it didn't show signs of wear.

"It's probably because he's one of the best soldiers they have." Kaname spoke with a touch of pride in her voice. Once upon a time, she would have been choosing between denial and denigration instead of pride and appreciation. "He never ceases to amaze me. He causes a lot of small headaches, but he has brought me through a number of big nightmares." Kaname didn't like dwelling too much on the bad times. But as long as any memory had Sousuke in it, she felt safe walking through it again.

Stacy looked on, obviously curious. She tried not too appear too over-eager.

"I suppose it's alright to tell you these stories. You're part of the team, so to speak." Kaname went on to tell her newest bodyguard about Khanka, and about her experience with A21. She mentioned a number of smaller scale encounters as well. Her petite blonde-companion ran a hand through her hair, a serious look on her face. There was something she wanted to ask, but thought twice about it. Kaname picked up on it. "What?" Kaname asked.

"Sousuke's one of the best Arm Slave pilots we have?" Stacy still found that difficult to fathom. A seventeen year old boy piloting those big metal beasts. Then again, she was sitting on the floor working on a submachine gun on Christmas afternoon.

"Yes," Kaname said. Then her face stiffened, She suddenly knew what Stacy must want to ask. She hung her head. "He left on a mission not long before I did. I can only assume it had to do with North Korea."

Stacy put her hand on Kaname's and squeezed. "I'll add my prayers to yours. You have to say your prayers and hope. I guess he's come to mean a lot to you, hasn't he?" She thought of her own boyfriend. What would she feel if he was in the middle of a deadly fracas?

Kaname nodded her head, trying to smile. "He had frustrated so much of the time that I never let myself see just how much interest I had in him. I still call _him_ clueless, but it took me a while to admit my feelings to myself." Kaname sighed. "Then, when I finally realized the truth, he's back in danger... _again._ The big stupid head!"

Stacy checked the charge on her taser. Putting it away, she looked up again at Kaname. "But when he gets back, you'll get to pick up where you left off, right?" The young operative was taken aback by the look on Kaname's face. "He doesn't return your feelings?"

"I don't know." Kaname bit her lip and clenched her hands. "I think he was finally showing feelings for me. Or, he was finally admitting things to himself the way that I did. But, I don't even know if there will be a Tokyo for him to head back to. Even if there is, I may not be allowed to go back." She went on to bare her soul to her new companion.

"I see. I wouldn't change places with you. It sounds like your father wouldn't approve of your dating anyone. That's rough." Stacy in turn told Kaname about her life. They both went on to trade stories, wishes, dreams, and concerns about the future. "Sounds like you're really scared," Stacy observed at one point.

"Wouldn't _you_ be? I'm Whispered. My usual protector is halfway around the world, facing who knows what. The lives of my friends are on the line." Kaname tossed her hair.

"No, not about being Whispered. About tonight's dinner guest. Your father's friend." Stacy watched Kaname's face closely.

Kaname clenched her teeth, wanting to say 'No, of course not, ah hah hah hah hah hah'. She couldn't. She didn't have time to come up with her answer.

Ayame came barreling into the room, needing her next Kaname-fix. The three girls chatted about sundry things until the doorbell rang. "She's here!" Ayame squealed happily, sprinting out of the room.

Stacy quickly placed her guns in the shopping bag, covering them with tissue paper. Before Kaname knew it, she was gone. Damn, she was like Sousuke that way. What does Mithril do, put something in the water? She couldn't bring herself to stand at first. She knew that common courtesy would dictate that she go out and meet the woman right away. First, she had to get herself to say the name. Oichi. "Let's go, girl. Class representatives and student council vice presidents don't go hiding from problems." Well, it wasn't really a problem, _was_ it?

Kaname's head knew the answer. Her heart needed convincing.

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"Urzu-7, this is Urzu-2. Do you read me?"

Sousuke smiled. He would keep Melissa in suspense for a bit. Don't women like mystery? There would be time to talk, when he was ready.

"I repeat. Urzu-7, come in. Respond. Flight control is reporting problems."

Sousuke looked around the cockpit. He smiled. "Al, _you_ see any problems?"

"No, Sergeant."

"Me either." Sousuke yawned, big and long.

"Urzu-7, systems indicate that a connection is established. Sousuke, if you are in any difficulty, let us know by any means possible."

"Persistent, isn't she?" Sousuke laughed.

"Sergeant?"

"Never mind, Al. It is not a problem. Shut down the link." Souuske rubbed his eyes. His emotional maelstrom had left him somewhat drained. Maybe he should put his feet up and take a quick catnap.

"I cannot do that, Sergeant. On this mission, you do not have the prerogative. Only Captain Testarossa, Cmdr. Mardukas, or Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin have the clearance to terminate intra-squad communications. There has been no notification of radio blackout."

"Shit." Sousuke scowled, thinking bold thoughts. There are too many rules. They want me to be a follower, not a leader. They feel a need to control me. That is a mistake.

"Urzu-7, do you copy?"

"This grows tedious." Sousuke switched on his microphone. "Urzu-2, this is Urzu-7. Continue your mission as planned. You have my permission. If you like, stay on the beach and take care of the signal fire. I'm heading into the jungle to do some hunting. If you're lucky, I'll let you watch me dance when I make the kill." He chuckled. That ought to play with her head some. He doubted that she would catch the reference. He didn't care. The only thing that mattered was that _he _knew what he was talking about.

"Sousuke! What is going on? Is there something wrong with your air-handling system? Have you're a.I. run an in-flight medical evaluation. It sounds like you need to check for oxygen deprivation."

Oxygen deprivation? Hardly! He had been deprived of just about everything else. Not any more! He reached over to one panel and unlatched the door. Smiling, he took out a number of different skin paints. They weren't needed for body camouflage now. He smeared the colors on his face, forming a mask. There was a need for emancipation. He would make a barrier that he could hide behind symbolically, liberating himself as a result. He would be free to do or say anything that he wanted it to.

His innermost self image fought against the idea. The act would help erode his identity. He would slide ever closer to savagery. He didn't pay attention to those concerns. "It's my turn. I hid behind a mask before. A numb obedient mask. That mask held me back. This one will set me free." He ran a hand through his hair. "Right Al?"

"Sergeant, I do not know."

"Of course not, Al. You are nothing but a machine. We once had a lot in common." Souuske felt the anticipation building again. He felt a need to go out and cause some havoc. This time, it would be intentional, not like the accidental trouble caused by a school boy who is caught between two worlds.

"Urzu-7, do you read me. Sousuke, what do your readouts show.?

"Urzu-2, they show that you are irritating me. I have a battle to fight. As long as you and the others do your part, you will be allowed to assist me. It is your task to make certain that no one gets in my way." Not wanting to listen to any of Sgt. Major Mao's likely responses, Sousuke turned the music up louder, unable to hear anything else but that.

_'Crazy, but that's how it goes  
'Millions of people, living as foes  
'Maybe it's not too late  
'To learn how to love  
'And forget how to hate_

'Mental wounds not healing...Life's a bitter shame...I'm going off the rails on the crazy train...'

"Perhaps some craziness can be good," Sousuke mused. He imagined himself at the controls of an old steam locomotive. Roaring down from the sky, rushing towards the pending battle, that analogy felt apt. Smiling, he mentally pushed the lever full ahead. He switched the tracks ahead, figuratively putting himself on a head on course with another train. The Grendel A.S. pilots on that other locomotive had no idea just what was coming their way.

_'I've listened too preachers  
'I've listened too fools  
'I've watched all the dropouts  
'Who make their own rules  
'One person conditioned to rule and control  
'The media sells it and you live the role...'_

Yes, he had listened to his share of fools. He was the biggest fool of all, believing them and following their orders and suggestions They had helped condition him. They had sold him a role and he took it hook, line, and sinker. Not any more.

_'Mental wounds still screaming  
'Driving me insane  
'I'm going off the rails on a crazy train_

'I know that things are going wrong for me... you gotta listen to my words... yea-h!'

No. He had mental wounds before. He was merely in the process of healing him. It was finally time to become sane.

_'Heirs of a cold war  
'That's what we've become  
'Inheriting troubles, I'm mentally numb  
'Crazy, I just cannot bear  
'I'm living with something that just ain't fair_

'Mental wounds not healing  
'Who and what's to blame  
'I'm going off the rails on a crazy train!'

He had always shed so much blood and sweat taking care of everyone else's problems. He was given the jobs that no one else could do. He was always saddled with the chores that no one else wanted. Who had ever made an effort to take care of _his_ troubles? Was it any wonder he had ended up mentally numb? It was time to look after himself.

"Sergeant, I have collated all of the incoming messages." The A.I.'s voice was finally audible as the song died down. "Aircraft are finding it difficult to locate targets and approach due to the cloud cover and strong winds near the ground. All pilots are ordered to remain on site, nonetheless. A number of helicopters are down after hard landings. Casualties are low. Urzu-2, Urzu-5, and Urzu-6 report themselves outside of the L.Z., their parachutes snagged in trees."

**"idiots!"** Sousuke grimaced. "They had to follow the rules, and look where they ended up. How many damn trees could there even be in this region?" None of this was actually a problem. I can handle this all on my own. "Al, what reports do we have on ground movement?"

"Sergeant, there is little data. Spotters report limited mechanized infantry, apparently working as scouts. There is no sign of armor, self- propelled guns, or tracked triple-A. "

"Arm Slaves, Al?" 

"No, Sergeant. Not yet."

"Great. Really good. That means I can find something else to play with. Maybe some missiles. Those should do nice as starters." A wicked grin split his face.

"Sergeant, review of the mission parameters shows that Urzu-7 is assigned to interdiction against opposing Arm Slaves. Exclusive. No exceptions."

"Al, did I order you to read those parameters?" Sousuke's voice was little more than a growl.

"No, Sergeant."

"Did I ask to be limited in my actions and desires?" Sousuke scratched an it just behind his left ear.

"I do not know, Sergeant."

"Do I sound like a man who wants to be locked in a cage or placed on a leash?" Sousuke sneered. That would happen, regardless. The cage door was open. He had slipped the leash.

"I do not know, Sergeant."

"Al?"

"Yes, Sergeant?"

**"SHUT THE HELL UP!"**

Proximity alarms went off. Red light bathed the cockpit. The radar screen indicated a number of rapidly approaching objects. Air-to-air missiles. Headed in his direction. Sousuke smiled. Finally, things were getting interesting. He switched flight controls over to manual again. He would be damned if he would let some bunch of cowards on the ground shoot him down.

"Al, we're going in fast. Activate the Lambda Driver. Keep the field at minimum, awaiting my instructions. As we approach ground level, jettison the wing and initiate cushioned landing as previously instructed. Begin plotting all enemy locations. Tie your boots on tight. We are getting ready to run."

The first wave of missiles missed their mark, leaving great white trails of smoke off to one side of Arbalest. A second wave of missiles had proximity fuses, but the shrapnel rebounded harmlessly off of the glowing nimbus of light surrounding the ARX-7.

The threat monitor kept flashing. More missile were inbound. Sousuke laughed. He felt good. His enhanced senses could actually feel a slight caress from the Lambda Driver field. There was no reason to fear it. There was no reason to be nervous or to fear failure. He instinctively knew he could use the Lambda Driver like a brush, painting anything that he wanted. Was this something that Bunny Morita had expected, when the Black technology was finally tweaked just right? He didn't know. he didn't care. Some coward who killed himself, giving up the rich rewards that life offered, was beneath his notice. He had wasted those rewards himself, but had did so by clinging to the pitiful life he lead. Not any more. He had been born anew.

Sousuke laughed. He would let the other soldiers follow the rules, marching to the orders of men who were no better than they were. He had the courage to do what he wanted. He had the skill and determination to make the right decisions.

The only limitations lay in Arbalest, not in him.

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Kaname passed Stacy in the hallway.

The other girl gave her an 'OK' sign' indicating that it wasn't anyone suspicious.

It would be that woman, then. No. Not 'that wpman'. Oichi. Oichi Masako. Her father's girlfriend. Maybe his fiancé, soon enough.

"You have to deal with this, girl." Kanae straightened up her posture and tried to put on a smile. This was not the best time to be meeting someone. It was not a great time for dealing with the emotions this would dig up.

As she neared the foyer, Kaname still didn't have a glimpse of the their guest. Ayame was there, bouncing up and down happily, somewhat like an overly-excited small dog. Her father was there, holding a woman's coat, a smile on his face. He had dressed in a nice suit and tie. There was no sign of Mr. Smith.

"Ahhh. Here's Kaname." Her father turned to look in her direction. He tapped Ayame on the shoulder and waved her aside. "Her friend Stacy is with us as well." Her father would keep things secret. Or so she hoped.

Miss Masako was a short but very attractive middle-aged woman with long black hair. She wore a tasteful designer dress and a small amount of exquisite jewelry. Her body was a study in grace as she bent over to pick up a large flat box off of the floor.

"Kaname. I've so much wanted to meet you. I've heard so much about you." The voice was musical, cheerful, and vibrant. "I've brought a number of Christmas cakes. Your father told me how much you liked them."

Kaname froze. The woman was holding the box out for her, but she didn't move to take it. She remembered the cakes that her friends had brought into school. She thought about the special cake she had ordered for her and Sousuke, planning to bring it to Belles Des Belles. It felt as if her whole world was about to implode.

Kaname..." Her father tried to keep his voice pleasant. There was an edge to it. His eyes pleaded with her. That in itself was enough to distract her.

Oichi pulled the box back slowly. "I suppose we shouldn't worry about such things until after dinner."

"No. I'm sorry. It's very rude of me." Kaname reached out her hands and took the box. "It's just...I... I had ordered a cake back in Tokyo…" She pulled herself together, asking herself what Sousuke might think if he were there watching her. "I really do love Christmas pastries. It was very thoughtful for you to bring them. Thank you." She bowed.

Shunya nodded his head.

"Did someone mention cake?" Mr. Smith finally managed to make an appearance. He was introduced by Kaname's father. After that, Kaname introduced Stacy.

"So, is it turkey and all the fixings again?" Oichi asked Shunya hopefully.

"Yes. Just the way you like it. It's good to have another convert." Her father gave her a quick kiss.

Kaname fought down her emotions. For a moment, she had been very jealous of the other woman's familiarity with her father. The kiss made her feel uncomfortable, too. She remembered her father and mother kissing on occasion. Those memories seemed good and right. She also thought back to her kiss with a certain scruffy soldier.

She grew a bit irritated. It was OK for her father and that woman to kiss. But, she couldn't even bring up the subject of Sousuke. Merry Christmas. Good will to all. Bah humbug.

"Here. Let me take that. Breath deep, it might help." Stacy took the box from Kaname. She winked. "It will give you a chance to go in and talk to her."

Kaname wished she had the halisen with her. The last thing she needed was any help with this.Ayame, running in the hallway, came to a sliding stop. She held Kaname's diary in her hand. Sticking her tongue out at Kaname, she darted into the parlor. Her voice carried throughout the hallway.

"Oichi, look what I gave Kaname for Christmas. A diary. Maybe you can convince her to read from it later on."

Kaname cursed.

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Arbalest slid sideways, its large metallic feet pushing up huge mounds of dirt and vegetation.

The A.S.'s Bofors cannon shot again and again, punishing a number of light armored vehicles that had rolled into range.

"Good bye." Sousuke scratched a number of additional kill marks on the console in front of him. He laughed, wondering what the approaching Mithril soldiers must be thinking. He just killed all of their opponents before they had a chance to open fire. "The early bird gets the worm." The Mithril ground troops were damn slow. They had waited too long, no doubt following some stupid order or another.

"Al, any sign of Arm Slaves yet?" Sousuke frowned. What was taking them so long?

"No, Sergeant."

"Continue towards the missiles. That may draw them out." Sousuke piloted Arbalest towards the nearest launching pad, intent on taking out the fueling ICBM.

He was far too wound up to think. Thinking was a burden right. He only wanted to act. If he had bothered to work through things logically, he might have wondered why things seemed so easy. Where was the stiff resistance? Why were the enemy forces doing their best to down approaching aircraft, but paid little attention to the forces on the ground?

"Al, ready all missiles. We're going to destroy the Taepodong. It should burn in an attractive fashion." Sousuke smiled, showing his teeth.

"Sergeant, mission parameters state that the ICBMs should be disabled, not destroyed. That will allow the collection of materials that prove the presence of nuclear warheads."

"_My_ parameters state otherwise, Al. The only proof I need is proof of my existence. We're doing great, Al. There's no need to mess things up with rules and plans."

A harsh buzzer annoyed Sousuke, It had been loud enough to be heard through the music. He turned down the volume. "Urzu-7, this is De Danaan control. You are ordered to resume your assigned mission. Cease your advance towards the missile launch area. The region has been scanned, and there are no Arm Slaves in the vicinity. The ground troops are in position, and will be securing the missiles momentarily. Urzu-7, do you read?" It was Lt. Kalinin's voice. He sounded both irritated and concerned.

Souske smiled.

Another voice came through the open channel. The speaker obviously didn't realize he was transmitting. "I told you this might happen. He's obviously not in his right mind. Can we shut down Arbalest remotely? We are close to meeting our objective and haven't seen a single enemy A.S. on site. Sgt. Sagara may only get in the way. " It was Cmdr. Mardukas, off course.

Sousuke became enraged. They wanted to stop him? They thought that he was in the way? Well, it was time to clue them in to a few things. "This is Urzu-7. If you wish to converse with me, you can refer to me as Lord Sagara from now on. I suggest that in the future, you do not let that stiff-necked dolt anywhere near the com panel. If anyone is in the way, he is."

"Sousuke... please... what's wrong?" It was Captain Testarossa's voice.

"That's 'Lord Sagara', not 'Sousuke'." Sousuke shook his head. Some people were so resistant to change.

"Sousuke, I know it's not you speaking. It's those medicines. Can I speak to the old Sousuke? Is he there somewhere?"

Sousuke laughed, not bothering to break the connection. It was all so funny. Tessa didn't get it. She thought she was so damn smart, but she just didn't get it. "I told you, it's_ not_ Sousuke. It's Lord Sagara. You wanted me to take those medicines. Well, I did. Now, look what you have. Me. The medicines are not controlling me. They have freed me."

"No, Sousuke. That's not true. The doctors say that effects of the procedure have gone too far. This is _not_ who you really are. The things that make you Sousuke Sagara have been pushed aside or covered up. You have to hold on. Please. You have to." Tessa's voice was frightened

**"IT'S _LORD SAGARA!"_** Sousuke snapped off his words. "You say you want me to hold on. What you really want is to regain your hold on me! Never again! I heard that stuffy idiot talking. He has never respected me. He was waiting for me to fail and prove him right. The bastard was always so strict and by-the-numbers."

"No, Sousuke. That's not fair. You do need to hold on. We are counting heavily on you. The mission may not be a success without you." Tessa sounded truly concerned.

"**IT IS NOT SOUSUKE. NOT ANYMORE. SOUSUKE WAS WEAK."** Sousuke coughed. He smiled. "I know what you want to hold on to, Tessa. _Me_. That is not a problem. After I do what needs to be done here, maybe you'll get that chance. There are some things I feel like doing. You are a woman. You will do. Yes, you will do nicely."

Sousuke imagined Tessa naked, laying on his cot. That vision swirled into nothingness like smoke in the wind. He saw Kaname. She had her arms open. She wasn't offering her body to the returning conqueror. She was offering her heart to someone she loved. **"NO!"** He would _not_ think about her. He would _not_ think about love. Love was about sharing. He did not share. He would take whatever he wanted. That was his way now.

Memories of the kiss resurfaced. Emotions began jockeying for position. **"NO. I WAS WEAK!"** If he wanted to kiss her, he would, whether she wanted him to or not. Nothing would stop him. Still, he couldn't stop himself from muttering her name. "Kaname…"

A new voice came on the line. It was Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin. "Sergeant Sagara. You know me. I have always respected you. I have given you my best, just as you have given me yours. That was true when we were enemies, and is true now that we are comrades."

"You do not wish to be my enemy again," Sousuke said, still torn by mixed emotions. "No one hould. My needs are non-negotiable. My goals are my own."

"Sergeant, we have always trusted one another. If there is any part of you capable of understanding that, you need to think rationally. There are millions of lives at stake. We cannot afford any mistakes right now. We suspect that there is something hidden, and we need to be alert, ready to move at a moment's notice. We need you to be in control of your faculties."

"Touching speech." Sousuke drummed his fingers ona control panel. "You were the one I most admired. If you want to help me, keep those idiots off of my back. I've got things to do." Sousuke yawned again. He was growing tired of the conversation. "You might pass along a message. No one should get in my way. No one. No matter what uniform they wear."

"Sergeant…." Kalinin was cut off.

"It's possible that your goals can be met along with mine. If you want to see that happen, you will continue to feed me Intelligence data when it becomes available. It will keep you useful. You need me. I do not need you." He switched his attention to the A.I. "Al, turn the music up again. Inform me when any tactical data comes in."

"Yes, Sergeant."

"Al."

"Sergeant?"

"Input a change in programming. From now on you will refer to me as 'Lord Sagara,' not 'Sergeant.' Is that understood?"

"Working... nomenclature accepted... affirmative, Lord Sagara."

Sousuke focused his attention on the missile looming ever larger in his view screen. He smiled. This would be satisfying.

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Ayame had run off to help her father in the kitchen.

It wasn't an altruistic move… there would be bowls to lick and food to snitch. Little sneak! That used to be _her_ job!

Stacy has slipped out of doors, wanting to do some quick reconnoitering. The bag went everywhere that she went. Anybody who decided to mess with her would get a rather unpleasant surprise. Kaname would make double sure that the girl never had a chance to meet Sousuke. They would either fall in love at first sight, or blow each other up.

Mr. Smith lay slouched over in his chair, asleep. His snoring almost drowned out the sounds of activity in the kitchen. Kaname had to keep from scowling. _That_ was the man who had done such a good job for her father? She was supposed to feel safe around _him?_ Well, with his bulk, at least the chair wouldn't jump up and try to attack her or anything. Hah!

Kaname felt a little bit contrite. Maybe the man was much different out in the field. It was a holiday, after all. It was a time for rest. Yeh, right. And maybe Kaname could flap her arms and fly all the way back to Tokyo! In any case, Mr. Smith's nap and Ayame's defection meant that Kaname was left alone with Oichi.

"You really look a lot different in person, Kaname. I haven't seen any recent pictures of you." Miss Masako smiled, sitting primly on the edge of the sofa, her hands in her lap. "You look a lot like your father. Ayame takes after your mother."

"Yes." That was all Kaname said. It was all she trusted herself to say at the moment. She didn't like hearing Oichi talk about her mother. Part of her was annoyed with her behavior. Other than Sousuke, who else had she ever treated that way?

"I understand you are very involved with sports and activities at school. Student council Vice President and Class Representative. Your father is very proud of you, you know." Oichi had a very musical voice.

The woman's smile was beginning to set Kaname on edge. She clamped her mouth shut. All she managed to say was "Sure.". She almost smacked herself on the forehead. That came out really nice, _didn't_ it? She had to pull herself together. Her father was counting on her. Somehow, that didn't seem like a very strong motivation at the moment.

Oichi kept smiling. But, there was a hint of something in her eyes. Kaname felt ashamed. The woman couldn't help that she wasn't her mother. It wasn't her fault that Kaname might be trapped here in America. Or _was_ it? Suddenly, her mind seemed eager to find something to take offense at.

What kind of conversations had she held with Father? Might she have influenced his decision? No. Relax. That was not her father's way. Family decisions were his to make, his and his alone. It had been that way ever since his wife had died. It may even have been his way prior to her death.

"It's really nice that you're over here, now. I have never seen Ayame this excited before. She must be very happy to have her big sister home." Miss Masako could hear Ayame singing in the kitchen. Shunya was scolding her, telling her to stop sticking her fingers in everything. "She really dotes on your father, too."

Oh, and I don't, is that it? Kaname bit her lip. Why was she acting this way? Did she really feel so threatened by Oichi? The woman just happened to keep hitting on things she didn't want to talk about. Kaname was very happy to see her sister. But, she was less than pleased to be home now, realizing that she was a virtual prisoner.

"She's a good kid." The words that she didn't speak were harsh and unfair. She needs a mother. You're not her mother. No matter what you say or do. Wait. Stop it, Kaname. Show a little class.

_It's not easy!_ So what? You think whatever Sousuke is going through is easy? You think that it must be easy for Miss Masako to be sitting here, trying to squeeze blood out of a turnip?

"Your father told me that you might come home and finish school in this country. That would be wonderful. I know how happy Ayame and your father would be. You and I could get to know one another that way too."

Kaname couldn't help herself. That had all hit a raw nerve. The rawest of nerves. "Excuse me, please. Stacy has been gone a while. I should go check and make certain she's alright." It was hard to keep from running out of the room.

She found the Mithril agent outside.

"Are you alright?" Stacy walked up to Kaname after giving the street one behind her a quick glance.

"No." Kaname sat on the front steps, her head in her hands.

"What's wrong?" Stacy watched her breath in the chill evening air.

"I'm acting like such a jerk. I spend a lot of my recent life yelling at a certain military misfit about his clueless and inconsiderate behavior; but, I'm acting worse than he ever has."  
Kaname pulled at her scarf angrily. "I don't know what to do. I've never felt quite this way before. So many things are pressing in on me. I feel like I'm being crushed."

"So you need someone to take things out on, huh?" Stacy nodded her head. She had felt that way before herself, after her sister disappeared.

Kaname looked up. She listened as Stacy continued.

"Sure. It's not surprising, really. You've been through a lot. You've been disappointed... hurt... scared...angered. It doesn't feel like there is any way out, I bet. Maybe you feel as if the whole world is out to get you. Stacy brushed away some snow, pulled up a piece of grass, stripped it, and chewed on one end.

Kaname nodded her head.

"There's no one you can hit back at, really. You can't blame Mithril for needing Sousuke. You can't blame your father for wanting you safe. You can't blame your sister for being happy that you're here instead of Tokyo. " Stacy spat out the grass. "You're father has made decisions that really tick you off. But, you can't take things out on him."

Kaname knew what she was leading up to.

"Miss Masako seems like a nice enough lady. I think she really wants to be friends with you. But, she's an easy target, right? She's not your mother, and you worry that she may try to take her place. She cares about your father, so you figure she'll side with him against you."

Kaname nodded again. "I thought Mithril agents were supposed to be clueless and accident prone. You haven't blown anything up. You're pretty sharp too."

Stacy pulled up another blade of grass. "Not really. I've been through tough times myself. My parents adopted a refugee a year before my sister was abducted. I gave him a very hard time for a while, after my sister was gone. It took some work, but we're very close now. I had some growing up to do."

"What did you do?" Kaname marveled at the twist of fate. She had needed a bodyguard, but was fortunate that Stacy was more than that.

"My parents knocked some sense into me. They explained that they were worried about my sister too. They said that they loved me and my adopted brother. I found out that my brother spent every night at the foot of their bed, crying himself to sleep. He missed our sister too." Stacy looked off into the distance. She sighed.

Kaname sat quietly. She knew that Stacy was still dealing with the things that life had brought her. It was hard work. She had faced similar difficulties after her mother had died.

"They didn't scold me. They didn't cajole me or threaten me. My parents simply asked me to put myself in my brother's shoes. How did he feel? What did he want? How did my actions affect him? It really opened my eyes. After that, when I understood him I was really feeling about things, I spoke with him, telling him how I felt." Stacy reached up to wipe tears away. "He hugged me. He started crying. He asked me not to leave him, too. I had never felt so rotten about myself before" Stacy took out her compact, wanting to make certain that her tears didn't ruin her make-up.

Kaname started giggling. Then, she actually laughed.

"What?" Stacy looked perturbed.

"It's not about your story. It's just that when you began checking out your face, it was funny. Someone with a bag full of guns and ammunition... an agent for a secret organization... fixing her make-up. It just doesn't compute. Not after dealing with a certain walking disaster. I'm sorry. I can't help myself." Kaname smiled, feeling a weight lift off her.

"So I'm comic relief?" Stacy tried to look insulted. She couldn't help but smile too. "So, what are you going to do?" She looked at Kaname out of the corner of one eye.

"I'm going to be a friend and suggest that you go inside and use the bathroom mirror. Your face needs a lot of work." Kaname put her hand over her mouth, hiding her grin.

**"What?"** Stacy pretended to be outraged.

"I'm going to go inside and speak with her." Kaname said, seriously.

"Good." Stacy nodded her head. "I think it's the thing to do."

"She might have some good make-up tips..." Kaname ran when Stacy reached inside of her bag.

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"Al, target the base of the rocket booster with a flight of Javelin missiles. Ascending spread. Center reference, with flanking auxiliaries"

"Yes, Lord Sagara."

"Fire." This should be simple. The stupid missile may be tall at thirty-two meters, but it was small as ICBM's go. There was a gap between the stages, suggesting it was based on older Russian or Chinese technology. Laughable. He'd take out this one, and then the next.

Making a quick scan of the battlefield, he waited to see if anyone would challenge him. He didn't really want it to be so easy. Waves of strike aircraft were coming in, targeting the smaller No Dong missiles that were spread throughout the area. Mithril Arm Slaves were assaulting the range control and missile assembling facilities, with ground troops in support.  
Enemy forces were engaging the teams headed for the two ICBMs.. Some were veering off from those areas, heading for him. Good.

"Too slow. I'll give them a chance to defend the second missile. Al, fire on the first target."

"Firing, Lord Sagara."

Sousuke watched as rockets streaked out away from Arbalest's rear add-on weapons pack. This kind of moment could really use some popcorn. Perhaps he should get it on tape, so he could watch it again later if he liked. "Al, record the visual."

"Yes, Lord Sagara."

It happened so fast. The missiles struck the lower stage of the towering rocket, causing multiple small explosions. Just as the ICBM began to crumble, the liquid propellant inside it ignited, sending a huge mushrooming cloud of fire outward. An ever-expanding cloud of flame spread across the first launch pad. Large and small fragments of metal fell, bounced, and rolled to a stop far from the site of detonation, some pf them trailing arcs of flame or sooty smoke.

High resolution images showed Mirthril troops throwing themselves under cover, just outside of the raging conflagration. Guess they wouldn't be getting any evidence out of that missile. My mistake. Sousuke laughed. That had felt so good. Imagine… his so-called superiors thought that they could give him commands. He was his own commander now. Anything they might say would better be termed a suggestion. They should be getting that point about now.

Something inside of him shouted for attention, saying that his actions were wrong. There were reasons that other people gave the orders. It was his duty and obligation to obey such orders. The enemy were the ones who flaunted the rules of decency and international law. That's why Mithril had come to stop them. There were countless innocent people whose lives were at stake. Kaname was in danger.

**"No!" **Sousuke shook his head "If civilaians want to mill around and live like sheep, that is their business. I don not see any of_ them_ here today, fighting to protect the ones that they love." He scowled. "Love is not important. If they will not fight for themselves, they are irrelevant. The enemy is only the enemy because they stand in my way. The people pretending to lead this mission are hiding back on the submarine. They are irrelevant, too. I am here. I will do as I please. As the strongest, I make the rules!"

Kaname was in danger! That thought sent tendrils deep within him, trying to take up root. It threatened to distract him. No, to weaken him.

"She does not command me. Those fools hiding back on Da Danaan do not command me. No one commands me!" Not a devoutly religious man, Sousuke still had his own personal relationship with the Creator. At times in his life, he wondered what a righteous God might think of him and the career he had chosen. Now, he didn't really give a damn.

For some reason, he saw images of Charleston Heston, as Moses. His head filled with scenes form 'The Ten Commandments.' Why was he seeing _that?_ The movie did have some interesting military sequences, with chariots racing across the desert. But, Sousuke much preferred 'Planet of The Apes,' 'The Omega Man,' and 'Soylent Green!' Those were his favorite Charleton Heston movies.

None of that religious nonsense had any hold on him. If it was his conscious speaking, it could shut the Hell up! He saw himself standing on a mountain. Fire streamed outward, burning words into two huge stone tablets.

**THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME**

No! It was just more rules… just another way to keep people in line… just another way to limit and restrain everyone, to keep people like me from reaching their potential and getting what they deserve. He didn't need any god or gods. In the arena today, _he_ was the god!

**THOU SHALT NOT MAKE UNTO THEE ANY GRAVEN IMAGES**

Who says that I want to? But, if I want to worship Arbalest and the power it gives me, I will. If I want to place my faith in weapons that I can see and touch and feel, I will do just that! Who is going to stop me? 

**THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN**

To Hell with that! I'll damn whomever I want. I'll curse anyone and everyone who stands in my way.

**REMEMBER THE SABBATH DAY**

Today is the Sabbath day. This will be a day that no one forgets. I will make sure of that.

**HONOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER**

My father and mother are dead. They followed the rules. They never had a chance. I will honor them by being everything that I was destined to be.

**THOU SHALT NOT KILL**

Wrong. The verse in the Quran makes more sense. 'Take not life, which God has made sacred, except by way of justice and law.' I will be the one to decide what is just or not.

**THOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY**

I will take whatever I want. If a woman becomes a widow, then it won't be adultery. It was irrelevant to him anyway. The women that would serve his needs were not married. Grinding his hands into his eyes, Sousuke forced away images of Kaname. 

**THOU SHALT NOT STEAL**

If something is mine, it will not be stealing when I take it. I will decide what does or does not belong to me. No one else's opinion matters to me.

**THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS AGAINST THY NEIGHBOR**

There will be no need to lie. If my neighbor is foolish enough to challenge my authority, I will settle that argument swiftly, by removing him... his house... and the whole neighborhood if necessary.

**THOUGH SHALT NOT COVET.**

Covet. Desiring something that God has given to another. It is not a problem. Kaname does not belong to anyone else. God hadn't given her to anyone. _"Enough!"_ Sousuke shook his head violently, trying to shake away the thoughts of Kaname. They kept pulling at him. They kept forcing him to question himself. "No more!" The kiss. Her arms around him. The feel of her head on his shoulder. The sense of someone caring for him as he is. "As... I... _was_…" Sousuke slammed his arms down hard, without shutting off the waldo. The Arbalest made the same motion, hitting only air.

**_"Screw Kaname!"_** The violent verbal denouncement had two effects. Sousuke felt frightened momentarily, as if he had witnessed something horrendous that he was powerless to act against. He also felt a tightening in his loins. "Yes, screw Kaname. She will serve whatever purpose I desire, whether or not she wishes to." He focuses on the battlefield again. "Al, target the second Taepodong missile. Ready the next flight of Javelins."

"Targeting, Lord Sagara. Missile lock complete."

The war going on inside of Sousuke proved more challenging than the one he faced outside. His conscience tried desperately to pull itself out of the refuse bin. Words, thoughts, arguments, and pleas began inserting themselves into his conscious mind.

Grateful for a reprieve, his attention was drawn to the forward view screen.

Two huge trails of fire began heading skyward, just off to the side. Smoke billowed out from their bases, obscuring the ground around them. Sousuke didn't need to hear the A.I.'s report to know what was happening.

"Two No Dong missiles have launched, Lord Sagara."

So, those idiots couldn't get the job done without him, could they? It was a damn good thing he was standing right here, wasn't it!

Bringing around his Bofors without disengaging the automatic targeting of the remaining ICBM, Souske called out a battle cry and fired, knocking both missiles from the sky. Nothing could get by him!

"I hope you all take note of my success," he said into his microphone. "Had I been listening to all of you, two missiles would be on their way to their targets. Cretins!"

The distraction could have defeated his emotions' attempts to take hold. It didn't. The savage aspect of him was triumphant, without a doubt. But, the civilized part was relieved---those missiles would not have any chance of harming Kaname.

The threat detector started beeping, calling for attention. Missiles incoming... low altitude... ATGMs! He had been so caught up with extraneous thoughts, he had forgotten about the ground troops. Idiots. They are just wasting their weapons. I should let them flail away impotently, but I find their existence annoying. Their efforts are an affront.

"Al, expand the force shield. Concentrate the force energies in your finger tips, pistol style, as discussed earlier."

"Lambda Driver field stable. Energies directed as ordered, Sergeant."

Sousuke took control of the Lambda Driver with his mind. "Bang!" Energies shot forth from Arbalest';s extended hand, keeping a tenuous connection to the field surrounding the Arm Slave. Rapidly advancing anti- tank vehicles and APCs were tossed about like leaves in a whirlwind. "Bang!" The troops in concealment could not hide from Arbalest's thermal imaging devices. They had no defense against the force that wiped them clean from this world.

That's better. That's much better.

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It was very difficult for Kaname.

Her emotions were all tied in knots. She was feeling embarrassed. It was hard to find the words for inviting Oichi to speak with her. The older woman was sitting on the couch, in the process of being regaled with stories from Mr. Smith's days on the force.

"So I said to this snot nose kid, 'Move, and your father will be shocked to find out he has a daughter instead of a son.' Man, did that boy ever run. He knew that I wasn't the type to mess around. We didn't have too many more jaywalkers at the college campus again, I can assure you!"

Kaname was less than pleased to see a half dozen empty beer bottle near the man. She felt_ so_ safe. If only Sousuke were here. There were so many things that he could learn from such a font of knowledge and champion of the peace.

"Well, I'm certain the community finds itself in your debt, Mr. Smith. No doubt the boy's father was very glad he still had a son." Miss Masako was a real trooper. Her smile hadn't faded a bit. Kaname owed her another debt. No one should be left alone that long with a man so happy to talk about himself.

"Hah! His son probably learned his disrespect of the law from him. If everybody was like you, it would be a different story. Most people are jerks, you know? When there's a burglar prowling around their house, they are happy to see you. Otherwise, they would just as soon spit on you. That's why I took my expertise and years of experience into the bodyguard business. Nothing but happy and satisfied customers."

Kaname grimaced. Happy happy. Joy joy. It was time. She couldn't put it off any longer. "Mr. Smith, I hope you will excuse me. Miss Masako, could I speak with you for a minute?" Kaname bowed.

"Sure. Go ahead darlin.' My stories will wait." Mr. Smith finished off his remaining bottle.

Oichi looked at Kaname uncertainly, letting her guard down some. Yes. Certainly."

"Do you mind walking outside? I could do with some fresh air." Kaname had no doubt that the older woman would catch her meaning.

"That sounds good. I need to stretch my legs some." She looked over at Mr. Smith, then back at Kaname. Kaname just shook her head.

Mr. Smith made no effort to accompany them. He did speak up, however. "Don't worry. The streets are safe. You won't run into any trouble out there, not on Christmas. But, if something does come up, one of you come back and let me know. I'll be ready."

Walking down the hallway, Oichi coughed into her hand and then spoke to Kaname. "That is the man that your father hired to look after you?"

"Yes, Ma'am. It certainly is." Kaname couldn't keep the contempt out of her voice.

"I will have to have a talk with him then." Miss Masako's voice was so firm, that Kaname couldn't help but smile. It was marvelous to think of her father getting a good talking to.

As the two women passed through the door outside, Kaname gave a subtle hand signal to Stacy. The blond girl and her shopping bag would follow behind at an appropriate distance. Kaname grinned. She was having Sousuke withdrawals. She almost hoped that someone would try something, just to see the look on his face when a teenage girl shoved the barrel of a .50 caliber pistol up his nose. She sighed, wishing Sousuke was there with her.

Kaname and Oichi walked a few blocks. Kaname tried to find the first words, since they might be the most important. Oichi was clever enough to wait. The truth, Kaname. Just tell her the truth. Everything, except Mithril and world events.

"I'm really sorry. I acted like a jerk back there. I had no excuse for my bad behavior." The words all came out in a rush.

"Yes, you were quite the jerk, alright." Oichi agreed amiably. She knew exactly what tack she wanted to take.

_"What?"_ Kaname's pride spoke first. She had expected polite acceptance and solemn forgiveness.

"You were quite the jerk." Miss Masako stopped and waved her arm. "Back there. We're not back there any more, though."

"Yes. I know. I just wanted..." Kaname ran down. There were so many issues. She almost felt like some kind of loser or weakling, letting things bother her like this. Despite the hard times she had once faced, she often found herself looking at other people with issues like they were some kind of pariah. Now that the shoe was on the other foot again, she had an uncomplimentary view of herself.

"To start over?" Oichi asked hopefully. Her eyes were vulnerable at that moment.

Kaname realized just how much her father's girlfriend wanted Kaname to like her. It touched her heart."Oh yes. Will you forgive me? Please?" Kaname's words spilled out, as much a plea as an apology.

"When do you need an answer?" The older woman tried to keep a straight face, but couldn't. The look on Kaname's face had been precious. "Yes, I will be glad to."

"Thank you. I feel so much better. I behaved really badly. I... I..."

"Felt a little threatened? Because I'm not your mother?" Miss Masako had expected this. By all accounts, Kaname was more resistant to change than Ayame was.

"Yes." Kaname felt better immediately, having that out in the open.

"Well, to be honest, I felt the same way."

"What?" Kaname stopped walking, uncertain of what she had just heard.

"I felt a little worried too, Kaname. I'm not your mother. I was afraid that you'd react to me just the way you did. No, that's not really it. I was really afraid you would feel that way, but put on some false show for my benefit." Oichi looked Kaname in the eyes. "Your behavior hurt me, but at least it was honest. I see why your father gets so angry with you some times. But, I also see why he is so proud, too. It took a big heart to apologize like this."

"I'm not usually like that." Kaname found herself wanting Oichi to believe her. She also found herself wanting to talk to an adult about the way she felt. "It's just that I've been so stressed, lately. So many things have happened. It seems like I haven't had a say in anything."

Miss Masako nodded her head. "I know what that feels like, sometimes. I take it that your father's desire to keep you here with him and Ayame doesn't sit well with you?"

"No. I love my father. Under different circumstances, I would be happy to be here now. It's... there's... it's just so many things!" Kaname found herself shaking. The world seemed to be pushing in on her again. She wanted to find a peaceful place to rest, but her problems followed her even closer than Ayame usually did.

Oichi put a hand on Kaname's arm. "I won't pry. You don't owe me any more explanation than you've already given me. But, if you want to talk, I'm a good listener."

Kaname stared at Miss Masako. She felt a great welling of gratitude building up inside of her. She nodded her head, then tossed her hair. It was time to stop wallowing in self pity. "My father has a thing about boys. He doesn't want me dating. He won't even consider the thought of me and a boy in a room together." Kaname kicked at a rock on the sidewalk. "I wonder if he can even remember being a teenager."

Oichi smiled. "I had a father like that. If a boy even walked too close to our house in Osaka, he'd run to grab his grandfather's sword. There was quite a show the day I hid it under my bed." She shook her head reminiscing. "He just wanted to protect me. He didn't want to lose his little girl. But, we all have to grow up some time... some of use earlier than others, right?"

"Yes," Kaname answered, realizing that her father must have told Oichi about her earlier life.

"So, what's his name?" Oiche's look was shrewd.

The question came right out of the blue. Kaname found herself momentarily tongue-tied. "Uh... I... who?" Her innate response was to deny everything.

"The boy you couldn't possibly have any interest in." Oichi smiled. She had been there too.

"Sousuke." Kaname's voice was quiet. Looked down at her feet, she grabbed the edge of her skirt with one hand.

"Did the two of you have a fight before you left?" Miss Masako wondered what had Kaname feeling so down all of a sudden.

Kaname shook her head. "No. We spend a lot of time together, but I never really thought of him romantically. When we each finally started realizing something, he was called away and I had to come here. We had planned to spend time together, figuring things out. I don't know if we will ever have that chance again."

"Called away?" Oichi raised one eyebrow.

"Yes. But I really can't talk about that." Kaname kicked herself. Feeling sad was no excuse for being stupid.

"You're afraid your father won't let you go back? You wonder if the opportunity is lost forever? Either because something might happen to him, or because the two of you may have too much time oi think?"

"I don't know. I've been thinking about things a lot. I miss him. I would give anything to be able to see him and know he was safe." Kaname bit her lip. There she goes again!

Oichi wisely didn't probe any further in the one direction. "But you don't think your father will trust you to go back to Tokyo on your own?"

"He doesn't even want to hear about Sousuke. That would be bad enough by itself; but, with things the way they are…" Kaname ran down. She couldn't even trust herself to speak. "He made it clear long ago that I couldn't date until college. I don't even know if he'll give me his blessing then!"

Miss Masako stood looking at Kaname, wondering if she should ask certain questions. It was obviously doing Kaname some good to talk to someone. As much as she loved Shunya, she knew that his strength was _not _as a conversationalist. At least not with his daughters, whom he felt duty- bound to raise in the proper traditions. "Something else is worrying you. Not just your father's inflexibility and apparent insensitivity to your desires. More than the fear that you won't get to go back to your school and your friends."

"Yes. But... I..." Kaname wished that she could share everything.

"You can't talk about it?" Oichi smiled, letting Kaname know it was OK.

"Yes. I wish I could... but..."

"That's alright. I think we both need to look on the brighter side. It's Christmas Day, after all. As my present to you, when the time is right, I will talk to your father." Oichi smiled, seeing the look on Kaname's face.

**_"Really?"_** Kaname looked ready to do cartwheels.

"Yes. How does March work for you? February?"

Kaname smiled. She was beginning to grow fond of Miss Masako. "Oh... whenever... it's not as if I'm in a hurry..."

"I'll see what I can do. I can be pretty persuasive when I put my mind to it. For all of his bark and bite, your father is just a big puppy dog at heart. Maybe it would be easier if I just put him on a leash!" Oichi arranged her hair a bit.

Kaname gaped. She would never have seen her father as a puppy dog. Oichi smiled. Kaname grinned in return. "Do you have my father well trained?" Kaname asked, incredulously. Her father? Trained?

"One does one's best," Miss Masako said with a wave of her hand. "But, to be honest, it's not because of anything I've done. It's because he cares for me, and I care for him."

Kaname thought that she could be happy that her father had found someone to care about. He deserved to have someone care about him. He had put the pain of his wife's passing behind him and was looking to move forward. "_Hmmmpppfff._ I just usually use a halisen." Kaname chuckled.

Oichi smiled. "You might just find that honey works better than vinegar." She smiled. "Most of the time..."

"Not with Sousuke!" Kaname shook her head. Her words had been very forceful.

"_Really?_ Did you ever think that Sousuke may have wired your father the money to bring you here?" Oichi raised one eyebrow. It felt good to joke with Kaname.

Despite all of her concerns, Kaname laughed a beautiful laugh..


	23. Chapter 23

Sousuke looked down at his radar screen.

There were troops were approaching his position. Good. They could wait awhile. There appeared to be few _No Dong_ launchers left intact. Pity. After he had taken out the second ICBM, the expected enemy Arm Slaves never showed up. He'd start to loose interest soon.

Logical thoughts kept washing against him like waves battering a lighthouse, loosening the bricks bit by bit. Why hadn't the enemy launched the larger missiles? They could see that the ungainly ICMs were sitting ducks, couldn�%heir lives. For him, it was time to tear things down and shake things up. He would kill everyone who still stood in his way. He didn't give a damn if God sorted them out or not.

_'Ah-ah-ahhhh-ah, ah-ah-ahhh-ah  
'We come from the land of the ice and snow  
'From the midnight sun where the hot springs flow  
'Hammer of the gods  
'We'll drive our ships to new lands  
'To fight the horde, sing an' cry  
'Valhalla, I am coming'_

The slashiLet the shipboard chaplains decide for everyone else what was right and wrong in their lives. For him, it was time to tear things down and shake things up. He would kill everyone who still stood in his way. He didn't give a damn if God sorted them out or not.

_'Ah-ah-ahhhh-ah, ah-ah-ahhh-ah  
'We come from the land of the ice and snow  
'From the midnight sun where the hot springs flow  
'Hammer of the gods  
'We'll drive our ships to new lands  
'To fight the horde, sing an' cry  
'Valhalla, I am coming'_

The slashing melody of the song hammered at him. He shouted with battle lust, the images of Viking warriors dancing in his head. This was what life was all about! If he was destined to die, let it be in battle! When the battle was over, it would be time for a haunch of mutton, a horn of mead, and a half-naked wench. He would have to go about grabbing the modern day equivalents. Sure, he was never a drinker, a glutton, or a slave to the flesh. But, all things mustchange!

_'On we sweep with threshing oar  
'Our only goal will be the western shore  
'Ah-ah-ahhhh-ah, ah-ah-ahhh-ah  
'We come from the land of the ice and snow  
'From the midnight sun where the hot springs flow  
'How soft your fields so green  
'Can whisper tales of gore  
'Of how we calmed the tides of war  
'We are your overlords...'_

Yes. There could be no doubt who was the boss here. The second ICBM lay in a collapsed heap of burning metal. Lambda Driver shielding him, Sousuke ran right through the heart of the inferno, just because he could. He laughed, thinking about the things that had happened minutes earlier:

'Lord Sagara, we are ordered to halt our approach. There are Mithril soldiers working on the remaining _Taepodong II._ If we fire, they will be killed.' The words were brought up on his view screen, as he had not acknowledged the A.I.'s verbal messages.

'That's their problem, not ours. Maintain weapons lock. Launch at my command.'

'Yes, Lord Sagara.'

Sousuke came ever so close to firing right there and then. Something stopped him. He brought the ARX-7 to a halt. The faint echo of familiar words had echoed in his ears, things that he could imagine Kaname Chidori saying to him. 'Moron' 'Big idiot.' 'Jerk.' 'Stupid head.' 'You can't just blow everything up, Sousuke. There are people around.' The words grew in volume, a great chorus of dissent.

'Al, open a communication link to all ground forces immediately.' He had bit his lip, hard. Blood welled up in the ravaged tissue, and then began to run down his chin and onto his neck. What were those words? He had to quiet that voice again.

'This is Lord Sagara, overlord of the battlefield. All troops move back from the remaining Taepodong missile if they wish to go on living. I will fire on that target in twenty seconds time. Mark." There was nothing wrong with sparing those men. They were on his side. They were furthering his goals. It had nothing to do with his conscience telling him what to do. 'Al, begin a digital countdown from twenty seconds.' Of course, if they were too slow or too stupid to move, that would _not _be his concern.

"Yes, Lord Sagara." Large digital numbers appeared on the HUD, counting backwards. When 00:00 had shown on the counter, he fired missiles at the ICBM. He had cursed, realizing that he had forgotten to order the A.I. to record that explosion as well.

_'Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah- ah... Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh.'_

His thoughts returned to the given moment. The song was over. He'd need to select another one.

He needed more targets too!

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Crystal goblets all rang as the dinner companions brought them together in a toast.

The adults were having a fine wine. The minors were drinking sparkling cider. Mr. Smith was trying to smile. He much preferred beer. Ayame kept getting her hand smacked, trying to sneak a sip from her father's glass.

"I would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. There is no greater honor than to know such fine people, and there is no greater joy than to spend the holiday with family and friends." Everyone drank to Shunya's toast.

"And, there is nothing like a great meal!" Mr. Smith raised his glass, but no one else joined him. Kaname kicked Stacy under the table, her way of sharing subtle amusement unnoticed. Oichi made it a point to wipe her mouth with her napkin, even though she hadn't eaten anything yet.

"Yes, that is true," Shunya quickly added. "There's plenty of food. Everybody please eat your fill." Stacy kicked Kaname under the table. Ayame looked to see if the plates were all the same size.

Kaname's father served the turkey. Everything else was passed from hand to hand. There were bowls heaped with rice, and trays stacked with home made rolls. There was stuffing in the bird with chestnuts, and stuffing in a bowl without. Cranberry sauce fought for space with corn, carrots, candied yams, mashed potatoes, and green beans. A large tureen of gravy sat next to jars of peaches and pears. Tapers were lit and glowing brightly. A centerpiece of fresh pine boughs and winterberries added to the pleasant aroma at the table.

"I bet this will be quite a treat, Kaname." Oichi smiled. "I never ate like this until I met your father."

"Yes," Kaname said, putting down her cider. "As you know, the ovens in Japan can't even fit large turkeys. I rarely get to eat food cooked by anyone as talented as my father." Oichi smiled and winked, not letting Shunya see her.

"She probably eats a lot, though." Ayame's eyes sparkled with mischief. "I think she put on weight!"

Kaname scowled. Stacy fought hard to keep a straight face. Mr. Smith looked up. "Nothing wrong with eating. Keeps a body strong!" Mr. Smith had little difficulty lifting the heavy tureen.

"Girls are supposed to grow in some places, Sis." Kaname smiled. "Most of them, any way." It was Ayame's turn to frown. Her father did as well. That was not the type of conversation for the dinner table. Oichi shook her head.

"Yeh, but when they get older, some can't stop growing in some places. Doesn't happen to everyone though, Miss Oichi." Mr. Smith piled potatoes on his plate and on the plate reserved for his bread. Kaname and Stacy each kicked one another at the same time.

"I'm glad to hear that." Oichi gave Shunya a loaded look. Kaname's father made it a point to look at his plate.

For a while, the conversation centered around Kaname, and what she hoped to do while she was in New York. After that, everyone chatted about sundry topics. Waiting for the butter, Stacy spun her knife around her fingers in a manner street hustlers often do with large coins. Ayame looked on fascinated. "Wow, you're really good, Stacy. But, I bet a bodyguard could probably do a better job. _Right,_ Mr. Smith?" Ayame tried to look completely innocent.

"You bet. But, a bodyguard never shows off his skills. It's in our nature to be restrained and discrete." He scooped half of the yams onto his plate.

_"Plea-a-a-a-a-a-s-e…"_ Ayame's eyes looked impossibly large. Her lower lip trembled.

"OK. I guess just this once can't hurt." Mr. Smith picked up the knife and tried to do what Stacy had done. Soon, sweat covered his brow. Grunting, he put strength where finesse was called for. The knife flipped through the air, landing in open tureen. Gravy splashed out, painting the side of Ayame's face.

"Hmmm. The balance in this silverware must be off," Mr. Smith said, offering Ayame a napkin. Stacy and Kaname both had to look away. They couldn't keep from smiling. It took all of their strength not to break out laughing. Shunya looked to the ceiling and murmured a short Shinto prayer. Oichi reached under the table and squeezed his knee.

A short bit later, returning from freshening up, Miss Masako mentioned that it was snowing quite heavily outside. She thought that the girls might like to take a walk around, since Kaname didn't get to see snows like this any more. Mr. Smith, of course, would be expected to keep an eye on them all. What could possibly happen with him around? Kaname smiled. Oichi obviously wanted time alone with her father, so she could start working on him. How could she have ever dreaded meeting such a remarkable woman?

The dousing with gravy had quieted Ayame down a bit, but it had in no way quenched her spirit. "So, Stacy... do you have a boyfriend?" Kaname kept a straight face. That would get the ball rolling. She knew that her sister was just trying to cause some mischief; but, she didn't mind as long as it served her purpose.

"Yes, I do." Stacy smiled, putting down her fork. "It's wonderful to have parents that trust me that way. He's been such a positive influence in my life." Kaname looked over at her father with a pitiful face. Stacy's comment had been perfect. She had no doubt that the Mithril agent had said that for a reason. It looked like she would receive help from more than one person.

Shunya frowned and said _'Hmmppff.'_ Kaname looked shocked for a moment. She would have sworn that she had gotten that noise from her mother.

"You're very lucky," Oichi said. "My father was very strict. I always felt that he cared more about his own reputation than he cared about me. I spent my teenage years feeling lonely and unappreciated." Kaname put on a sad face and stared down at her plate, pushing her food around with her knife.

"But you turned out so wonderful, _didn't_ you?" Shunya spoke much quicker than he usually did.

"Why thank you dear," Miss Masako replied. "I'm only happy because I found someone who cares about me. Before that, I was merely good at hiding my pain." Kaname's father tapped his fingers on the table top after hearing that.

"Well Shunya, we're both men of the world. You can remember what you wanted from girls at that age, right? Like me, you probably had to beat them off with a stick." Mr. Smith slathered marmalade on a biscuit, took a bite, and then spoke with his mouth half full. "My youngest daughter ended up pregnant at sixteen. My middle daughter got into drugs, hanging out with the wrong guy. My eldest shaved her head and joined a religious cult because her boyfriend did. If it can happen to the best of parents, it can happen to anyone.

Shunya dropped his fork. Corn kernels bounced all over the linen table cloth. Oichi licked her lips. "Was that because you let them go out with whoever they chose, without getting to know the boys?"

"Hell no. I told them they couldn't date at all. and lkept them locked in the house whenever a guy showed up looking for them. I chased most of the idiots away with my gun, but there's only so much you can do." Mr. Smith passed his plate up towards the head of the table. "Could I have a drumstick, a wing, and the neck? Maybe some giblets too, if no one else wants them. I hope talking about this doesn't ruin my appetite."

"So, I guess they rebelled and chose the boys who would bother you the most, because you didn't take their feelings into consideration?" The look Oichi gave Shunya was textbook. Kaname, Stacy, and Ayame all took notes. Shunya scowled, raising an eyebrow for Oichi's sake.

"_Of course not!_" Mr. Smith answered, crumbs falling down his shirt. "They did it because they were teenage girls. It was those teenage girl hormones. They were out of control. What red-blooded boy could hope to resist?" Mr. Smith snorted.

Oichi frowned. Shunya smiled. "It must be a cultural thing, then." Oichi continued on smoothly. "A Japanese girl with a stern but caring father would never think to dishonor her family. That may seem a little backward to a gentleman such as yourself, Mr. Smith, but I assure you it has its benefits. Girls in our country need to learn how to be independent and free-thinking if they want to succeed in the new work environment." She coughed daintily. "You agree, don't you dear?" Oichi turned her brightest smile on Shunya.

"Uh..." Shunya looked down at his plate.

Kaname clenched her hands. 'Uh'?

"Shunya?" Oichi's vpoice was still pleasant but had a louder ring to it.

"Hmmm..." Shunya spun the nearest wine bottle around, beginning to read the label. "Yes," he conceded. "For _some _girls…" He made it a point not to look anywhere near Kaname.

"Kaname, someone as pretty as you must have a boyfriend, right?" Stacy's voice was calm and smooth. Kaname's father accidentally used the corner of the tablecloth instead of his napkin to wipe his mouth.

"I'm sure she must," Oichi put in.

Ayame smiled. She was having fun watching her father.

"I wish I could." Kaname sounded dejected. "Most of the boys think I'm somewhat of an idol, and never would want to date me." Shunya nodded his head. It was for the best. "There are some who want to go out with me, though. But..." Kaname took a long drink from her cider. She tried to bring up some tears with no luck.

"Daddy won't let her! _Nyah nyah nyah!"_ Ayame was putting on a good act, Kaname thought. She was, _wasn't_ she?

Stacy looked shocked. Oichi dabbed at her mouth with her napkin then asked in a surprised voice "Shunya, is this true? You must have some good reason." The undercurrent in her voice said 'You better!'

"Of course!" Kaname's father puffed his chest out some. "I would hardly be arbitrary where my daughter was concerned."

_"Really?"_ Oichi didn't sound convinced.

"Yes! She's all alone in Japan. There's no one for her there to confide in, or turn to. She might be led astray." Shunya swirled his wine around in his glass.

"But she could always phone, _couldn't_ she?" Mss Masako fluffed her hair.

"Of course. But she is a very bright girl. She doesn't need any distractions if she wants to get into a good university." Shunya made it a point to read what was ingraved in the silverware.

"He probably doesn't want her to get knocked up." Mr. Smith was busy with a tooth pick. Shunya nodded animatedly.

"Shunya, you know what they say. All work and no play... " Oichi smiled.

"Errr..." Shunya blinked rapidly, remembering why Oichi had told him that before.

"He probably doesn't want her to get into drugs or something worse." Mr. Smith took out his comb and worked on his hair. Shunya pointed his finger at the bodyguard and smiled.

"Oichi, Kaname tends to be a bit headstrong and precipitous. She would probably rush into things and end up with the wrong sort." Shunya sounded like he was pleading his case.

Kaname jerked at the tablecloth. She had to try and keep her cool. Sousuke was _not_ the wrong sort. He was special. He was out fighting for her and her country while they all sat at a fancy table enjoying themselves. Stacy patted Kaname's hand, helping to calm her down.

"The wrong sort?" Oichi asked.

"Yes. A troublemaker. That's the last type of person she would need to get involved with!" This time Shunya looked directly at his eldest daughter.

"I see. A troublemaker." Miss Masako tapped her nail against her goblet. "I remember you telling me about your days as a boy, Shunya. Weren't _you_ a bit of a troublemaker?"

"Ummm..."

Kaname looked over at Oichi. This ought to be good. She was suddenly too distracted to take offense at her father's implications.

"Sneaking your father's old war rifle and shooting the neighbor's cats... claiming you'd saw a burglar with a gun..."

"Well..." Shunya rubbed the back of his neck.

Ayame looked scandalized.

"Stealing your mother's jewelry and giving it to the neighborhood girls for kisses..."

"Errr..." Kaname's father looked at Oichi, pleading with his eyes. Kaname blinked repeatedly.

"Going down to the river and drinking cheap sake until you couldn't walk..."

"Ummm..." Shunya frowned. Mr. Smith reached for a bottle of sake.

"Drilling holes in to women's bath house and peaking when they came to wash up..."

Uhhh... you see…" Shunya clenched his fists under the table. Oichi was too clever for her own good!

"Hey, doesn't _everybody _do that?" Mr. Smith looked perplexed. "Mr. C. probably doesn't want the pretty little filly to shave her hair, get a tattoo, and join a commune. What's wrong with that?"

Shunya bowed his head. Kaname looked for something to throw. Stacy smiled and handed her the bowl of cranberry sauce.

Oichi sniffed loudly. "_Mmmm. _Shunya, are those home-made pies I smell? Are they ready yet? Mr. Smith, might you be so kind as to go and check?"

Mr. Smith's eyes lit up. "Anything for you, Ma'am." He got up and left the table.

"I guess it comes down to whether or not you trust Kaname's judgment, right? Seems to me, she's a rather level headed young lady. I was rather impressed with her and the talk we had." Oichi spoke seriously and succintly.

Kaname's father frowned. He had a good idea what would be coming after dinner. Oichi was predictable in certain things.

"But, we shouldn't dwell any more on that subject now." Oichi grinned. "I suppose we should talk a little about Ayame, too."

Ayame choke on the rice she had been eating.

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"This grows boring."

Sousuke griped after dispatching a group of antequated tanks. There had been modified T-62s, along with T- 55s, T-54s, and Chinese T-59s. There had even been a pair of antiquated T- 34s.

The Mithril troops didn't need his help with such pitiful foes. He scoured the land clean of those machines because he could. He still wanted a _real _challenge. Where were the Grendel Arm Slaves? Had the mention of Phantasm class A.S.es been an Intelligence snafu? Somebody would pay for getting his hopes up.

Striding past burning wreckage, he noticed that his erstwhile allies had been busy as well. A number of well hidden SAM sites were on flame, as were the remnants of 240mm multiple rocket launchers, M-1985 APCs, and assorted wheeled vehicles.

The flames danced and swirled, blown by the powerful gusting winds. Torrential rain fell intermittently, washing the blood stains off of the twisted metal. Lightning flashed now and again, making him smile. He turned up the external listening devices, delighting in the great rolling crashes of thunder.

The message screen flashed for his attention again. Apparently Dr. Schacher wanted to speak with him. Why not? The man had been a warrior once. It would be something to do. Sousuke turned down the music. "What do you want, doctor?" He expected some kind of attempt to have him stand down and relinquish control of his machine. Fat chance!

"Sgt. Sagara, have you been able to use the Lambda Driver?"

"Affirmative. It's like a part of me. We belong together, it seems. What I want, it does. No ifs ands or buts..." Sousuke smiled. He was drunk on the sense of power. "No one telling me what I should or should not do."

"Well then… it appears as if that part of the experiment was a success."

"Doctor, it has _all _been a success. You wanted to turn me into the ultimate fighting machine. Congratulations. You succeeded. You also removed all of my limitations. I do not think my commanding officers will thank you for that." Sousuke paused, catching sight of a squad of enemy soldiers being chased by a Mithril Humvee. He bent Arbalest over, had it pick up a turret laying next to a brewed up tank, and hit the foe like so many flies with a fly swatter.

"No, Sergeant. Those are not limitations. We all have those safeguards. They are different for each person, but they are there for a reason. Without them, there would be nothing but chaos and strife. People try to paint man as innocent and civilization as evil. That's wrong. Laws, rules, schools, policemen... they are all necessary to keep the darker side of human nature in line. Without boundaries, we would revert to the more primitive parts of our nature."

"That sounds nice, doctor. Why should I want to keep my darker side down? The darkness is all that's left. You wish to keep me ignorant of my true power!" Sousuke laughed.

"No. That's not all there is. Civilization helps keep man innocent and ignorant about his true nature. We all need civilization. But, it's important that we become aware of our more primitive instincts. That's how we reach true maturity."

"_Whose_ understanding doctor?" Sousuke asked, unwilling to be swayed. "Yours? The people who want to control me, judge me, and consume me? I have been blind for so long. Everyone wishes to keep me that way!" Waving his arm, Sousuke caused the Lambda Driver to shoot forth a great flat sheet of force. A small grove of trees were all cut in half, their crowns and upper trunks falling to the ground in a shower of leaves.

"Sergeant, listen to me. I'm not trying to trick you. I'm trying to save you from a tremendous feeling of guilt and pain. The effect will not last forever. It could be hours. It could even be days. But soon enough, your mind will reset itself as best it can. Listen to me. Urges and desires are not sustainable." Dr. Schacher's voice was rich with emotion.

Sousuke yawned loudly. He began twiddling his fingers.

"Please. When the excitement is over, there will be nothing left but a sense of loss. Don't do anything that you will regret later." The voice grew strained. A sound of coughing came through the link.

"Stirring speech." Sousuke chuckled. 'What is that American phrase? 'Be all that you can be.' You have done that for me. Lord Sagara, out." That was all he had patience for. He needed something to hunt. Barring that, he wanted something to destroy. Scanning the surroundings, he noted that the Mithril squads had vacated the Range Control building. Its very presence seemed like a challenge to him. It would do.

"Al."

"Yes, Lord Sagara?"

"Let's practice a number of Lambda Driver filed configurations. Take them in order from the top of the list. First one up, now." Watching the view screen, he could see the force shield in front of him taking shape. When the cascade of flashing light and great spirals of pulsing energy settled down, a long lance-like spear of force could be seen.

"Trot, Al. Then speed up to a gallop."

"Lord Sagara?"

"Move. Then move faster. _Charge!"_

Arbalest took off running, faster and faster.

"Lord Sagara, impact is imminent."

"Go!"

The force spear tore into the building, doing more than create a huge gaping hole as one might have expected. One entire side of the building blew outward in a great shower of steel and glass fragments. Story after story collapsed onto the one below it. The structure fell in on itself like a house of cards.

"Adequate. Put a check mark next to that one."

"Yes, Lord Sagara."

Sousuke frowned. It had been a little too effective. He hadn't intended to tear the entire building down with just one Lambda Driver function. Well, there was still the missile assembly building. The larger facility was built of sterner stuff. Sousuke and the ARX-7 were able to test a few different techniques before that structure ended up a jumbled jigsaw puzzle of concrete, stone, and metal. He still wasn't satisfied. How could he be? There hadn't been a single challenging opponent all day. It wasn't enough to be the strongest. He wanted to prove that he was the strongest. He wanted to tear down challengers to the thrown.

"Attention all Mithril forces. This is an immediate recall announcement. Transport helicopters are heading inland. Arm Slaves will move to the nearest clearing. Ground troops will prepare for boarding. All vehicles should be fitted with their carrying straps. ETA fifteen minutes." The voice was mechanical, creating words from the message that had been typed in.

**"W-H-A-T?"** Sousuke wasn't about to head back in. "Oh. I forgot. That message is not for me." Of course, those fools aboard the submarine thought that it was. But, what did they know? Flexing his leg, Sousuke caused Arbalest to kick a burning piece of ICBM hundreds of yards away. Part of him tried to come up with a reasonable reason to stay. There could still be dire threats here, hidden and waiting. How could he leave, wondering if some threat still existed that could harm Tokyo and Kaname. "No. That is _not_ what is important." His primal self was not concerned with such things "Al, direct link to Da Danaan's bridge."

"Yes, Lord Sagara."

Sousuke waited. There was no reply. Cursing, he brought both arms down hard. Arbalest did the same, pounding tow deep furrows in the wet soil. "Tell them, Al. Tell them they do not want me as an enemy. I think they should realize that by now."

"We realize that, Sergeant." It was Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin. "We have a great number of things to concern ourselves with. We cannot worry about one man, no matter who he is."

"It is time that _somebody_ worried about me." Sousuke spat out his words, his eyes narrowing. "I gave everything I had. I pushed forward like a pawn, always sacrificed to draw out the bigger pieces." He laughed. "I prefer checkers, Kalinin. In that game, I have a chance to be king."

"I'm not here to argue with you, Sergeant." Kalinin's voice was gruff, unyielding.

**"Lord!"** Sousuke clenched his teeth. He wanted to hate Kalinin. Part of him wanted to grab hold of the man and tear him limb from limb. Another part stood in the way, bringing up memories from the bad days, when a bearded man helped a scarred young boy find a better path to walk.

"Sergeant. You wanted a tactical briefing? The order to return is not good enough for you?" Kalinin sounded as if he already knew the answer.

"Affirmative. If… you… would… be… so… kind…" Sousuke's voice practically dripped with venom. Who was that old man to make him wait for what he wanted? Despite all that the Russian had done for him in the past, it would be best if they never met face to face again.

"Mithril troops have reached their objectives. Due to the current circumstances, we can no longer remain on foreign soil, even though there may be more to the plot. As long as there are no obvious launch vehicles capable of threatening lawful sovereign nations, our services are no longer needed."

**_"Bullshit!"_** Sosuske felt his rage building. "I am not finished here. Even I cannot do everything alone. I need other eyes and other ears to help me in my search for the enemy."

"There is only so much you can do, even with the Lambda Driver, Sergeant. The United States armed forces are in place to launch any attack that might prove necessary. Their aircraft can reach the site in reasonable time. They have cruise missiles at their disposal, as do we."

"I am _not_ concerned about the Americans. If they want to back me up, I may spare them some enemies." He grinned a wicked grin. "Perhaps I can bargain with them. What do you think they might do with Arbalest's secrets?" Sousuke's breathing was speeding up. He could feel his heart beating faster and faster. Eagerness spurred him on. He heard a startled gasp come over the com system. He smiled. It took a lot to get a reaction out of the SRT commander.

"You would go that far?" Kalinin couldn't believe Sousuke would stoop that low. "Deep in your heart, I know you believe in the things that Mithril stands for."

"What you know and what I know are two different things." Sousuke's words sounded certain. Inside he was struggling. A feeling of guilt nagged him. "But, you need not worry. If I gave away my secrets, then I would also be handing over the only advantage I have. I doubt that the Americans are the reason you want to pull out."

"You are correct. Now that their prized launch facilities have been obliterated, the leaders of this country have coerced the loyal military leaders to try and regain control." Mr. Kalinin coughed. "Excuse me. I need a small sip of water."

"Go ahead." Sosuske could be munificent. Just this once.

"Large numbers of troops from the DMZ and other areas are on the move. A majority of the An-2 light transport plains in their inventory are on the runway or in the air. Il-28 bombers are headed your way, as are large numbers of Mig-21s, Mig-23MLs, and Q-5s. Radar signatures suggest that Su-25s and Mig-29s are airborne as well. We believe that their SCUD missiles and No Dongs with conventional warheads are all targeted the general vicinity of the launch complex, or what's left of it. Once they realize that there is nothing of value left, they may implement a scorched earth policy."

"You think that is enough to stop me?" Sousuke couldn't stop the feeling of doubt welling up inside of him.

"It is possible. Even with your medicated state, there is no guarantee that there won't be Lambda Driver failure. In addirtion to that, we have no idea how long the ffects of the mediaction might last. For all we no, during the withdrawl stage, you might not be able to interface with an operational Lambda Driver."

"I see. The bottom line is we do not know. Just as I do not know whether or not you are telling me the truth. It is a chance I'm willing to take. If you cowards want to turn tail and run, do so. You told me that Grendel is here. Today I am Beowulf. I do not intend to leave until I at least flush the monster from his lair. Unless you are telling me that you fools made a mistake." Sousuke's mind was pulling at him from different directions. Part of him had put so much hope towards putting the arrogant terrorist agency in its place. Another part was satisfied with what he had accomplished, accepting the possibility that the rival organization had simply been the voice that spurred lesser men on to failure. Yet another part screamed out for more blood.

An image swam before his eyes. It was Kaname. She was asking him to wear a scarf. He put his hand to his neck. The scarf was there. He had forgotten that he put it on before he activated his final dose of medicine. His emotions surged. Desire. Hope. Fear. Shame. Wonder. Love. Sadness. Doubt. Guilt. So much building guilt. "No," he whispered to himself**. "NO!"** He shouted.

"Sergeant?" Kalinin was still on the line.

"Leave me alone. I don't need any of you any more. You won't take control of me again. But, I suggest you all watch. You may never see anything like this again!"

Sousuke began prowling his surroundings.

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Oichi chased three laughing girls away from the table.

She offered a trudging Mr. Smith encouragement, saying that a brisk walk would probably improve his appetite. Bundled up in a fur collared denim coat, he put on a large furry hat and headed for the door. Seeing that no one was watching, he stuck the remaining turkey leg in his coat pocket. There was also room for a biscuit and a slice of cornbread.

The snow was falling in great undulating white sheets, sometimes blowing sideways in strong gusts of wind. Kaname smiled as the large fluffy flakes blew against her face. She didn't bother brushing herself off, since she'd quickly be covered with snow a few minutes later if she did.

Ayame was dancing about, pulling on tree branches whenever Kaname or Stacy walked under one. Mr. Smith ate while he shuffled along. The things he had to do for his profession!

"She's really great, isn't she?" Stacy was obviously talking about Miss Masako. "Stay out of the deeper shadows, and walk away from the curb."

"Yes, she is. I really feel I can open up to her." Kaname had a far away look, and then suddenly looked like she had bitten into something bitter. "I have to put up with all that paranoid stuff from Sousuke."

"Good. Sounds like he knows his stuff." Stacy smiled, looking back at Mr. Smith. "Wonder if I'll have a chance to meet him on some future mission."

**"NO!"** Kaname cringed as her voice echoed in the chill night air. "I mean, Japan is so far away. You're not an A.S. pilot or soldier, so it probably won't happen." Kaname sounded like she was trying to convince herself.

"Ka… **na**…_may_... she already has a boyfriend." Ayame laughed, soon joined by Stacy. Kaname made a quick snow ball and pelted her sister with it.

"Stacy..." Kaname lowered her voice. "Have you heard anything about Korea? Any type of mission update?"

Stacy shook her head. "Nothing."

"Oh." Kaname would have loved to be able to walking on a night like this with Sousuke, seeing the glow of house windows against the snowy darkness. The halos around street lamps looked angelic. The snow-covered trees looked so serene and peaceful.

"Do you think that Oichi can convince your Dad?" Stacy watched as Ayame kept dashing ahead, laying down in the snow, and making snow angels.

"I don't know." Kaname went on to talk about Shunya, recalling memories of him from her childhood, contrasting some of those to the way he was now. Stacy talked about her own family, touching on some memories of her sister.

"You young ladies ready to go in yet? These streets can be treacherous at night." Mr. Smith was shivering. He tossed the turkey bone out into a storm drain. The girls kept walking and talking.

"So, how long do you think you want to do this kind of work, Stacy?" Kaname marvelled at her smaller companion, still toting her heavy bag of weapons.

"I don't know. It's really kind of exciting. Assignments like this one are nice, because I get to meet interesting people. I haven't seen the explosions, kidnappings, shooting, and things you've run into. At least not yet."

"I hope you never do." Kaname tossed her hair, knocking loose the snow. She wished she had thought to pack a hat. "By now I'm a veteran of such things. I can handle anything. But, that doesn't mean I want to have that kind of stuff happening."

Stacy looked thoughtful, then she grinned. "Kaname. Now would be a very good time to walk over to that truck up ahead." Stacy slid her gun out of her coat.

"Wh-Wh-_What?"_ Kaname saw the pistol.

"Let's keep this quiet, so nothing happens to Ayame. We're going to go for a short ride. There are people wanting to meet you." Stacy shrugged apologetically.

"You... but..." Kaname stared at the blonde girl in disbelief. She looked at the truck. It was snow-covered. The lights were off. There was no exhaust coming out of the rear.

"No more talking. Move now, while Smith and your sister are around the corner." Stacy waved the gun. Seeing Kaname's face, she started laughing. "Sorry, I always wanted to do that. I was just joking!" She put the gun away.

**_"W-H-A-T!"_**

"Well, you were talking so smugly. I wondered if you took things seriously enough, or whether you might have become over confident." Stacy had a serious look on her face. "There really aren't novices and veterans. There's alive and dead."

Kaname bowed her head, hearing that. "You're right... I know... but it's Christmas and we were having so much fun..." Stacy didn't say anything. "Right." Kaname nodded. "Bullets don't distinguish holidays from any other day." She smiled. "At least there haven't been any explosions!"

She'd take an explosion or two if she knew Sousuke was safe. She would have walked out naked into this storm out here in the storm if it would bring him back alive. What was happening in Korea? She was afraid to go back to her father's house and turn on the TV. She hoped that Oichi would be able to convince her father to letting her return to school in Japan. She thought about her friends. She was having a wonderful time hanging around with Ayame and Stacy, but she missed Kyouko, Maya, Ryo, and the rest.

"So how about _you,_ Kaname? What do you hope to do with your future?" Stacy stood still, causing Kaname to halt as well. Mr. Smith was far behind them, and Ayame was barely in view, making a snowman.

"I'm not sure yet. I want to go to college. I'd like to fall in love and get married some day. Maybe have a lot of kids." Kaname went on to talk about possible careers she might like. She was silent for a while after that. She stopped to wonder what kind of parent Sousuke might be, given all that he had been through. He never really had a family of his own, except for the first seven or eight years of his life. He really was a big idiot in some ways, but he had a good heart. She looked forward to seeing just what type of man he really was.

**"Kaname!"** Ayame came running up, diving onto the sidewalk and sliding on her belly. Looking up she said "Mr. Smith insists that we go back now."

"Why, is he winded?" Kaname frowned. She was feeling refreshed. The walk was doing her some good.

"No. I happened to mention that Oichi brought Christmas cakes. We _have_ to have Christmas cake, Kaname. _Plea-a-a-a-a-s-e…"_

"OK, kiddo. Tell him we're going to finish our walk around the block. We should be home before too much longer." Kaname looked at Stacy and shrugged. She thought about Christmas cakes. She wondered if she would ever be able to look at them the same way again.

She took a big handful of snow, pulled back on Stacy's collar, and dropped the snow down her neck.

"**_H-e-y-y-y_**..." Stacy wriggled around, surprised. "What was _that_ for?"

"That trick with the gun! _Hmmmpppfff!"_ Kaname smirked.

"I see. Ok. I guess I deserved that." Stacy walked a little further, and then returned the favor. Before either of them knew it, they were in the middle of a full scale snowball battle. Seeing what was going on, Ayame quickly joined in. Laughing, they all fell back into a snow bank. Kaname was glad that she would have some pleasant memories to take away from this holiday season.

Following a grumbling Mr. Smith, they resumed their walk. Soon they were approaching a very brightly lit house, hearing the overly loud music that leaked out into the street. Fancy cars were parked everywhere, including a few on the sidewalk and a couple on nearby lawns. It certainly looked like someone's parents were out of town. A group of young men hung around the front door and walk, champagne, wine, and beer bottles in their hands. They all stopped talking as the girls passed by.

"_Wooo-weee._ I put in another order for pizza, but I think something tastier just got delivered." The other guys all chuckled or whistled. Two guys slapped their hands together.

"Yeh! You babes feeling cold out in the snow? Come inside. We got plenty to warm you up." One guy opened the front door and smiled.

The girls kept silent and didn't stop walking. Kaname had to fight the urge to make a smart remark. Ayame was with her.

"_Ooooooooh..._ not too friendly, are they fellas?" Another guy laughed. "But it could be that they're just real shy." The group of them all began to saunter down the walkway, cutting off the girls' path.

"OK. Let's move out of the way, people. We don't have time for any nonsense." Mr. Smith spoke up in a loud firm voice.

"Hey Santa, where's the suit?" One wiseacre whooped, causing his buddies to join in. "This ain't no nonsense. Any you other boys see any nonsense?"

"Careful. He sounds pretty tough!" One of the boys snickered. "Just think what might happen if he decides to sit on you!"

"Hell, I'd be afraid he might want to eat me!" A smaller guy hid behind his larger friends. The young men all crowded in on the girls, using all sorts of suggestive lines.

"But I just said... **THAT... WILL... BE... ENOUGH**..." Mr. Smith stood flat-footed, angry at having been totally ignored and disregarded.

"How about a little kiss, sweet cakes?" One guy made the mistake of touching Stacy. "After _that,_ we can do a lot more, if you like."

Stacy moved quickly. She kneed the groper in the groin, hard. Grabbing his neck, she pulled him down onto his knees. "I'll tell you what I want. I want you to forget you ever saw us."

"**_Bitch!"_** Another guy went to grab Stacy in a bear hug. She stepped hard on his foot, rammed an elbow in his belly, and then slipped out of his grasp.

"That's it. You stupid whores!" One guy tossed his wine bottle at Stacy and pulled out a switchblade. "We tried the easy way. Now it's time to play rough." He whipped the knife through the air.

"OK. Let's play!" Stacy reached into her bag and pulled out the Desert Eagle. "That toothpick all you got?" She fired three shots at the ruffian's feet. "Is .50 caliber Magnum alright with you, or do you prefer something else?" Putting the safety on, she tossed the pistol to Kaname.

"These are a lot of fun too!" Stacy pulled the two M9s out of her bag. "Who's next? Or are you boys ready to go back inside? I think I hear someone saying the eggnog's ready..."

**"Shit!"** Just about all of the troublemakers had spoken up at once. "The door soon slammed, after they all stumbled drunkenly inside.

**_"S-T-A-C-Y-!"_** Kaname shouted. "That was very rude. Maybe we should go ask if they want to go caroling with us..." She smiled.

After Stacy put her guns away, they all ran down the street, except for Mr. Smith. Nobody wanted to be around if the police showed up.

"Good thing I had them worried," Mr. Smith said, following as fast as he could.

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Sousuke prepared himself for a miraculous victory or a glorious death.

He would triumph, or go down in history, mentioned in the same breath as the Spartans.

Xerxes, the son of Darius I, had led a force of one hundred thousand Persians across the Dardanelles over a bridge of boats. The Greeks took up strong defensive positions at Thermopylae Pass, guarding the entrance to Boeotia and Attica. Eventually, after three days of fighting, a Greek traitor showed the Persians a flanking route through another pass. To give the main army of five thousand Greek hoplites time to withdraw, King Leonidas I of Sparta remained at the pass with three hundred of his bodyguards and small contingent of Thespians to fight a rear-guard action against overwhelming odds. All of the Spartans and Thespians died in the battle, but they delayed the Persians long enough to allow the Greek force to escape and reform at the Isthmus of Corinth.

"A Spartan leaves the field with his shield or upon it" Sousuke said, smiling. He was not fighting a delaying action, however. This fight was about him. It was for him. He needed a stirring speech. One came to mind, being the one thing that he had ever liked about Shakespeare. The Bard's play gave Henry V a great rallying call. The facts behind the play were staggering in themselves.

The Battle of Agincourt was fought on St. Crispian's Day, with near six thousand English fighting against twenty-five thousand French. The troops of Henry V took four hundred casualties... the French, eight thousand in a stunning loss. Sousuke was two months and more than five hundred years too late to be there. But, heavily outnumbered, he could make his own great stand.

_'If we are mark'd to die, we are enow  
To do our country loss; and if to live,  
The fewer men, the greater share of honour.  
God's will! I pray thee, wish not one man more.  
By Jove, I am not covetous for gold,  
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost;  
It yearns me not if men my garments wear;  
Such outward things dwell not in my desires.  
But if it be a sin to covet honour,  
I am the most offending soul alive.'_

Yes. Honor. Proof of his existence. A test of his strength. A reason to live, even if it ended in his death.

_'We few, we happy few, we band of brothers'_

Few indeed. There would be no band of brothers. He would stand alone. If he were to win, all would envy him. If he were to lose, none would mourn his loss. Kaname. No. That was not what he should be thinking about. Why was he thinking about some useless girl in the first place? Was she here by his side, fighting? No. Would she run onto the battlefield and cradle his head in her arms as he died, then sing a song at his funeral pyre? No. Was she watching, cheering a valiant soldier on against all odds? No. No. And No! The scarf. A maiden's favor. A gift to a valiant knight.

"**Enough!"** Sousuke took of the scarf and threw it to the floor. Women were no different than anyone else. They try to control men. They try to limit men. They confuse men. They weaken men. 'Kaname, when you are with me, I feel I can do anything.' **"I was wrong!"** Here... alone... standing in a clearing and awaiting the arrival of a great hoard..._this_ is when he could do anything. He had kissed her. He had felt more alive than he ever had before. He had willingly headed off to prepare for battle, risking any medical procedure that was necessary, so he could keep her safe. **"I was an idiot. I was blind. I know better now!"  
**  
Too much thinking. He needed to be doing. If he was going to make a good fight out of it, he would need more ammunition. There was only one place he could get it. "Al, superimpose all detection screens on the HUD. Locate all remaining Mithril Arm Slaves. Show them in yellow."

"Working. Accomplished, Lord Sagara." A number of grids appeared on the display. Sousuke started moving towards the largest cluster of Arm Slaves. He pushed Arbalest into a run, seeing that long distance radar showed a large flight of transport helicopters approaching. Ahead of him stood a group of M9s, one having the characteristic headpiece of Melissa Mao's mecha, and another carrying a huge sniper rifle used by Kurz Weber.

"Sosuske, are you finally with us again? That happy juice flushed out of your f-ucking system?" Just like Mao. Right to the point.

"Hey Sous-_kay_. Welcome back, bro. We've been worried about you. I must say I'm a bit pissed. If you didn't have Sgt. Major babe's panties in a knot, I might have been able to sneak away into the bushes with her and improve her mood." Kurz was his usual self.

"I am simply here for your weapons and ammunition. You will leave everything you have in my possession. Immediately. The helicopters will be here soon." Sousuke obviously did not sound as if he were making a request.

"What? Be serious, Urzu-7." Melissa was going to be a problem. "We haven't received any such order."

Sousuke's clenched his teeth. She was still clinging to some foolish notion of superiority. He was not in the mood to be defied. "You... just... did..." Sousuke growled. "I do _not _suggest that you stand in my way. You are either with me..." He activated the Lambda Driver again. The glowing nimbus around Arbalest caused a number of pilots to back there Arm Slaves away a step or three. "...or against me." He pushed the field out some, rocking Melissa's craft back and almost sending it to the ground.

"What the f-ck..." With those words, Melissa found her M9 sitting on its metal rump.

"_Whoa T_ake it easy tiger." Kurz walked his A.S. towards Sousuke, holding one of its hands up in an intended calming gesture. That only made Sousuke all the angrier.

"I will start with you. Give me the sniper rifle and the remaining clips. Now. Before I'm forced to take it." Sousuke felt rage churning in his gut.

"No way man. What's come over you Sousuke? Are those medicines still controlling you?"

**"NO ONE IS CONTROLLING ME. _YOU WERE WARNED!"_** Sousuke brought Arbalest's arm down hard, Anti-Armor dagger in its grip. The huge knife blade struck hard against the arm joint of Kurz' machine, breaking apart the joint, and causing the rifle to fall to the ground. With the other mechanical hand, Sousuke ripped the ammo bin off of its hip. With a contemptuous sound, he spun about and kicked the other machine to the ground." Hydraulic fluid poured out in fitful spurts.

_"Kurz!"_ Her M9 back on its feet, Melissa moved to step between Arbalest and the fallen A.S.

"You want to do it easy, we do it easy. You want to do it hard, we do it hard." Sousuke brought Arbalest's hand up, palm outward. A single thought from him caused an expanding round pulse of concentrated force to knock Melissa's M9 fifty yards away. "This is your last chance." Sousuke frowned. The glowing filed of energy began to coalesce into a hideous form. Somehow, he had managed to direct it to take on the shape of the Id Monster from 'Forbidden Planet.' Its claws felt like extensions of his own fingers.

"No... f-cking... way..." Melissa stood her machine up again, its armor badly dented.

"So be it..." Sosuke meant to disable the other M9s as quickly as possible. He would be careful not to damage the weapons or ammunition. At that moment, human lives were completely expendable. "See you on the other side." An image of Kaname appeared in his head. It was a floating glowing form, naked with its eyes closed. The eyes opened, and grabbed hold of his voluntary movement. She shook her head. There were tears in her eyes. "**ARRRGGGHHH**... what... what does she want from me?"

Sousuke's rage built up again. He noticed with disdain that the energy field had gone limp and formless. He built it back up again. He was in command here. It went beyond stupid military protocols. The strongest should lead. There was no question who the strongest was. Insubordination would have a severe penalty. Shame battled against Pride. Respect was at war with Contempt. Compassion pushed hard against Hate. Why now? Why were those stupid emotions getting in the way again? "No. I _won't _be stopped. You had your chance." He brought Arbalest's arm up. Each time he would bring it back down again, another Arm Slave would fall. The image of Kaname appeared again. It held out its arms to him. He felt his heart skip a beat. He was losing focus. He took his hands off of the control devices. He felt lonely. So very lonely.

No. **NO!** What was he doing? Grabbing what weapons he could, Sousuke piloted Arbalest away from the helicopter landing site. It had nothing to do with compassion, sympathy, companionship, or other weak feelings. It was about time. He needed to find the best place to make his stand before the enemy arrived. He queued up another song. He needed to find the right mood. He didn't need to think.

_'Always on the run  
'Destiny to the rising sun  
'I was born  
'Six-gun in my hand  
'Behind a gun, make my final stand  
'That's why they call me  
'Bad company  
'I can't deny  
'Bad company  
'Till the day I die...'_

It was like the cliché scene in so many westerns. Two foes facing one another, fingers waiting just above their guns. The hand on the town clock was just one click away from the next hour.

When the hand moved, it would be time to draw.

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After the girls returned from their walk, everyone retired to the parlor.

Furniture was moved around a bit, exposing a little used but very attractive fire place.

"There's a old stack of wood out back, Kaname. Hopefully its not rotten. Could you bring in a few logs?" Shunya pulled some matches out of a drawer and crumpled up some pages from the morning's newspaper. Her father's voice was even, without any hint o of residual anger or disappointment. Hopefully he and Oichi had an amicable and productive discussion. She'd keep her fingers crossed.

"Ayame, go lend your sister a hand."

Ayame and Stacy both went off to help Kaname.

"I hope your father doesn't ask Mr. Smith to start the fire!" Stacy quipped. "This is a very nice house."

"Don't even think that!" Kaname shivered. Her thoughts drifted. She smiled. How would Sousuke start the fire? No. She didn't really want to know.

"He's not really so bad. Just wait until we go shopping tomorrow. He'll be going with us." Ayame smiled, seeing the look on Kaname's and Stacy's faces.

"Maybe we should shop for lingerie," Stacy said evilly. "I could just see his face if he had to walk into that kind of shop." She blushed for a moment. "Maybe the ladies would let him try on a thong."

Kaname dropped the logs she had picked up. There were some things in this world she did not _ever _want to picture. She did think a little about lingerie, though. She really had no need for it, but she still found herself wondering if a certain clueless idiot might like it. She imagined the conversation:

**_'Kaname, you should get your money back.'_**

'**Why, Souske?'**

**_'The clothing is defective. It does not cover much of your body.'_**

**'That's the idea, silly. You're supposed to use your imagination.'**

**_"I see. I will imagine you fully clothed then. It is not a problem.'_**

_Ooooh._ Jerk! He was getting her all riled up and he wasn't even there. She didn't know if she wanted to get that intimate with Sousuke, but knew how she would feel if she made an attempt, only to have that stupid head mess things up. Damn him. He better be OK!

When the wood was arranged in the fireplace, and the fire started, everyone pulled their chairs close. Kaname started to worry when Ayame suddenly started laughing, and then disappeared. What was that little imp up to now?

Mr. Smith walked into the room, having used the TV in Shunya's den to check up on the local sports scores. "Man, it's good to be here in the good ole U.S. of A." He picked up the beer bottle he had left behind and took a long chug. "There's some big trouble in North Korea. Our troops are headed in that direction. Sounds like there was some fighting going on at a missile site. They're talking about nuclear weapons." He scratched his head. "I hope those things don't reach this far!"

Kaname jerked. The cup of hot cocoa in her lap sloshed over, burning her leg. Tears came to her eyes. _Sousuke!_ Did the explosions mean that Mithril had gotten the job done? Or, did the fact that U.S. forces were moving in mean that the mission failed? She knew that Sousuke wouldn't allow any operation to fail. He'd give his life trying to see things through.

Stacy walked into the kitchen to get Kaname a napkin. Kaname just sat there, cocoa streaming down her leg and soaking into her socks. Her hands pressed hard against the side of her empty cup. Shunya walked slowly and gracefully over to her side and put his hand on her shoulder. He gave it a slight squeeze. Oichi looked on, filled with curiosity and concern. Kaname looked up at her father, tears beginning to run down one cheek. "Daddy..." she whispered. She tried to stiffen her back. This was nothing more than official reporting of something she already had wind of. Why should she feel any differently now?

When Ayame came scampering into the room with a photo album of Kaname's baby pictures, Kaname was actually grateful.


	24. Chapter 24

Sousuke watched with mixed emotions as the last of the Mithril helicopters took off, wheeling its way skyward, its blurring image getting lost in the sun.

Arbalest was secreted away in on of the few stands of trees present at the periphery of the launch site. If he were to be given a choice, his feelings would have stayed concealed as well.

He had physically assaulted two of his closest friends. He had disobeyed every order he had been given since touching down on Korean soil. He had behaved inappropriately in his conversations with Capt. Testarossa and Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin. Plainly put, he had become things that he had hated in others. He had been given a full dose of certain thoughts and attitudes that he had been afraid of seeing even the slightest hint of in himself before.

He may not have come across as crazed or depraved as Gauron, the greatest of his bugaboos. But, how much difference was their between that past evil and the recent beast that had controlled his words and deeds?

"To make omelets, one must first break eggs." The raw, primal core of Sousuke was still in control. Despite what his weaker part might claim, his actions were _not_ badges of shame. On the contrary, they were proof that he was capable of taking his life in his own two hands. What others would call indulgence in violence, he would call being true to man's innermost nature. Indeed. What most would see as a disregard of moral rules, he saw as a long overdue realization of his own needs and desires. Who were the ones who might criticize him for such actions? The people who felt their authority eroding, or the men and women who didn't have the courage to do what he was doing.

It's selfish. "So what!" It's impulsive. "That's nothing new." What would Kaname think? Sousuke sat in silence, his head pounding. His hands clenched, then relaxed. He felt a need to take deep long breaths. "Who cares!"

He cared. There was no way to deny it. That simple truth was like a small wedge that keeps a door from closing all the way. As long as fed the monster that lurked within him, he'd remain in control. Right? Wouldn't he?

"It's **not** the medicine that makes me like this. It's who I am. It's who I _should_ be."  
He would prove that. A weak and shackled man could never make the stand he was going to make. A meek and subservient fool would have hooked up to the first available helicopter. What did he need with micro-spheres, injections, electrical simulation, and psychological conditioning. He had blood, sinews, strength, and spirit. He had lightning in one hand and thunder in the other. Ancient civilizations would have bowed down and name him god.

_What would Kaname name him?_

"**ENOUGH! **I do _not_ know why that girl has this power over me. She speaks my weaker part. My cowardly part is clinging to the past."

_Pride. _He had felt proud of the fact that he had kept Kaname alive under difficult circumstances. There had been no cowardice then. _Pain. _He had hurt when she dismissed him as no more than a military fabrication. Still, he stuck to his task. There was no weakness then. _Gratitude. _He had been grateful when she made an effort to understand him, despite all of the mistakes he had made. There was no adherence to the past, then. He was changing. _Desire. _He had ignored it... denied it...avoided it... and discovered it. He could have given up his duty and obligation to hold on to it. Instead, he went to face his destiny, in hopes that he could some day earn the right explore his feelings further. Would a weak man do that? A coward? Would such a man do that, then fail to acknowledge the hope, joy, happiness, and pleasure that came with the good times? What am I truly afraid of? _Love. _Putting my feelings at risk. _Acceptance. _

"Wrong. Wro_ng wrong wrong wrong _**WRONG! **You will _not_ sway me. You shall _not _distract me. Not now. Never again." Sousuke shouted wordlessly after that, trying to have his pure animalistic rage overwhelm everything else. He brought Arbalest out from the trees. This was not about gaining surprise taking down as many enemies as possible. Not any more. It was defiance, pure and simple.

The ground began to tremble slightly below the ARX-7s feet. At first, Sousuke thought that he might have set up and unstable resonance or mistakenly activated the wrong subsystem. He hadn't. Was this a minor earthquake? "Al, record the strength and duration of seismic activity. Locate an epicenter if possible. Sink a listening probe into the ground."

"Yes, Lord Sagara."

Lord Sagara? That sounded so ostentatious. He didn't need titles to realize his own significance. "Al, reverse prior order. From now on, refer to me as 'Sergeant.'"

"Yes, Sergeant."

Sousuke watched as the A.I. gathered data and created a graphic representation. The information was soon made moot.

"Motion detected, Sergeant. Slaving view ports to area of activity. Full zoom." The ground _was _moving. Long low flat mounds of earth were shifting, sliding away, receding from view.

"Al, perform a full strength leap with rocket assist. Gain maximum altitude. Scan and record full images in the target area. Employ infra-red imagers as well."

"Acknowledged, Sergeant." Arbalest leaped skyward. Small rocket packs built onto its outer armor ignited, extending the jump.

Sousuke cursed. They had indeed been fooled. Large metal covers were sliding aside, causing dirt, low vegetation, and shrubs to fall down a hole, like sand slipping down between a man's fingers. For a moment, he remembered a number of nature documentaries he had watched, thinking about ant lions and trap door spiders. What was beneath those doors?

Sousuke moved his legs, switching the ARX-7 into a run. He was vulnerable to surprise now. He needed to take the initiative. Also, with hostile forces on the way in, he could find himself caught between Scylla and Charybnis if he waited too long.

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Sousuke had no way of knowing at that time, that Grendel had been gambling, waiting for just this kind of moment.

Mithril had come, fought, and left, accepting the sacrificial lamb. Watching and waiting as they must, the U.S. military would not be able to respond in time. They must play their hand before the fools in the rightful government arrived on the scene.

Yes. The world would see what it wanted to see. Some force will have destroyed a major North Korean facility with or without acceptable provocation. The Americans were conveniently in striking range. If they were not a suitable whipping boy, then the mysterious force could at least be seen as their puppets. Missiles would launch, destroying targets in South Korea, Japan, and Alaska. The fools who made the coup attempt would take the big fall.

Grendel, on the other hand, would gain another feather in its cap, in the eyes of those who knew the truth. They would also benefit tremendously from chaos throughout Asia and rapidly shifting alliances across the globe.

The conditions were not perfect. One remaining Arm Slave was detected.

But, realistically, what could one man and one machine do?

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"Sergeant, multiple images detected, conflicting with radar reports."

"Specify, Al." Sousuke felt his breath quicken.

"Mobile objects detected in the vicinity of each underground structure. They are moving in this general direction, but the number of images fluctuates on the visual sensors. Radar lock is tenuous at best and unreliable. Thermal images come and go."

"On screen, Al." Sousuke had a good idea what the ARX-7 had detected after a fashion. This could be what he had been waiting for. It was about time.

"Projecting recorded images on the left. Real time images will occupy center and left."

Sousuke smiled. It was the Arm Slaves. They must be the _Phantasms_ he had read about. Images blurred, shifted, then jumped impossible distances. The number of Arm Slaves increased for one moment, then decreased a second later. Somehow, the Grendel engineers had been able to fool radar and thermal imaging as well, allowing contact one instant, before denying it a heartbeat later. No doubt, the machines could project false readings as well.

A great groundswell of hunger rose up within him. It was not food his lusted after. No, he tasted the sharp tang of blood in his mouth. He had bitten his tongue in his eagerness. He had a need to tear something down. But, it had to be something that was capable of tearing him apart. A challenge. A joust. A bloodfest. A wild exchange of mindless blows. Any true contest would do. The results did not really matter. The moment was everything.

He chuckled, and then laughed. The civilized part of him wanted nothing to do with battle. All it wanted was success, certainty, and closure. The manner and method were immaterial. It was the results that counted. If the other Arm Slaves simply turned tail and ran, he would be ecstatic.

Either way, Sousuke was in for a fight.

"Thank God for the rain." Even the best engineers and pilots in the world cannot hide the footprints that would show up in the soil. "Al, maximum jump again. Plot the footprints as you were instructed earlier."

"Acknowldged, Sergeant."

Arbalest jumped and gathered the necessary data. The enemy was advancing, then moving back, before moving a bit off to the sides. Apparently, they didn't want to get to far away from the big holes in the ground.

"What are you protecting?" Sousuke had a sinking suspicion what would be in those holes. There was only one way to find out. "Al, we will run towards the densest cluster of images as if we have fallen for the misdirection. Before closing with the nearest A.S., take a prolonged and powered jump over the closest hole. Let's get an idea of what we are up against." It took all of the young soldier's will power to give that instruction. The seething beast within him wanted to engage the Grendel Arm Slaves, showing them that their fancy parlor tricks would not work on the best pilot in the world. "Belay that order..."

"Sergeant?" Arbalest cam to a dead stop.

"Locate the enemy machines. Bring the Lambda Driver up to full strength, but tightest field. We will..." The image of a Norseman that Sousuke held in his mind wavered. It had cut down the image of a valiant and obedient soldier that he had mentally saluted. The bloody warrior in turn stepped aside, as a blue-haired girl holding a scarf and a card walked up. She fell to her knees, pleading with him. "Al, belay the last order. Implement the first. Powered leap when you are ready."

"Yes, Sergeant."

When the ARX-7 passed within a predetermined distance of each 'Phnatasm,' the enemy pilots engaged their own Lambda Driver systems. When Arbalest reached the appropriate site, it took a prodigious leap skyward.

**"Shit." **It was just what Sousuke had thought. Missile silos. He didn't have time to wonder how the North Koreans had been able to build the giant cement-lined tubes. The ICBMs within each of them were massive, far larger than the Taepodong II missiles he had so brutally chastised earlier in the day.

That's not what he wanted to see. If he were to act responsibly, he might be destroyed before getting a chance to duel with his counterparts. But, if he indulged his baser instincts, the missiles might launch successfully, putting countless people in danger. It looked like the civilized part of him was gaining the upper hand. The primitive side was not without its guile, however. _A bargain! _Destroy a missile, and then fight some Arm Slaves. Then destroy another missile, and fight Arm Slaves again. Something for you... something for me...

It was a seductive offer. It was only fair to compromise. The image of Kaname flashed across his mind again. It couldn't stay long. It was running from a huge expanding mushroom cloud. The image turned to ashes and blew away, leaving Sosuske feeling incredibly empty. The message was clear. So was his choice. His darkest self could howl all it wanted. he could not turn away from Kaname. "Al, ready all Javelin missiles. Target the first ICBM. Fire at apogee."

"Firing, Sergeant."

The first flight of missiles streaked earthward. One of the 'Phantasm' pilots proved to be rather resourceful, but just a step too late. He had expanded his force shield outward, hoping to cover the silo entrance with the glowing blue pancake. The distance was too great. A series of small explosions were soon followed by larger ones. The first ICBM collapsed under its own weight, flames engulfing the wreckage.

"Look for any openings in shield coverage. I suspect they will not make that mistake again. They know what they are up against now. Alert me when we have an optimal shot. Arm the Anti-A.S. grenades. You have full autonomy on the latter. At any sign of opportunity, drop a live grenade in any accessible silo."

Sure enough, the phantasms moved to protect the remaining silo entrances. That would cut down on their deceptive abilities, but would provide Sousuke with a difficult task. If the pilots were skilled enough to direct their energy fields in the proper manner, the ICBMs could launch out through them, but nothing could pass in from the other side. The huge missiles would be vulnerable in the initial launch stage, but he may not be given a clear shot if he had to fight off three formidable opponents.

"If I had listened to those idiots, I wouldn't even be here now!" The primal part of Sousuke crowed. The other part shot back: Damn. If _you_ weren't such an idiot, we would have reported in by now!

As Sousuke ran towards the silo with the single 'Phantasm,' he thought about Russian Roulette. He had removed one bullet from the chamber. Where had that missile been targeted? Where were the other two destined for, should he fail? Had he already saved Tokyo? Could he fight and die in peace, no matter what the outcome? There was no way to know. Consequently, he must keep reign on his animalistic urges.

"Da Danaan control, this is Urzu-7. Do you read me. Utmost Urgency. Over. I repeat. This is Urzu-7. Do..." He wrested enough control of himself to send a message.

"We read you, Sergeant." It was Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin.

"Three 'Phantasm' class Arm Slaves are guarding a similar number of large silos. Huge ICBMs are preparing for launch. Gases are filling up the silos. One missile down. Lambda Driver shields protect the other two. Will engage immediately. Over." Part of him refused to say the next words. He saw a smiling image of Kaname, moments before continuing. She began frowning, folding her arms over her chest. Then, growing impatient, she shook a fist at him. "Uh... I could use some help."

"Understood, Sergeant." Kalinin was still on line when he spoke to a fire control officer. "Launch all missiles in sequence. Target Arbalest's current GPS coordinates. Relay the data to the Americans immediately." There was a brief cough. "As you no doubt heard, that area will soon get very hot. The missiles will not be the only arriving threat. The first wave of North Korean aircraft should be on site at any minute."

"Understood." That should have been bad news. In most circumstances it would be. The North Koreans may turn out to be unintended allies. That would be wonderful. But, they might also help Sousuke focus on the task at hand. The more things that called for attention, the more his civilized self could take control. Damn those doctors! Their procedures had worked too well. When were the effects going to wear off? 'Don't be so eager to see me gone...' the dark side of his mind said with a chuckle. 'You may just find you need me...'

After holding a brief conversation with Captain Testarossa, Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin spoke to his younger subordinate again. "You may be our only hope, Sergeant. The Americans are launching missiles and planes. It may all be a moot point. Godspeed. De Dannan out."

So. It all rested on his shoulders. Just what he had wanted. 'Be careful what you wish for… you might get it!' Well who would he rather have with this responsibility? No one. Neither side of him would trust anyone else with this duty. The only point they differed on was motivation.

Motivation. Did it have to be separate and conflicting? The civilized part of him had feared the savage side, and had tried hard to keep it at bay… it had initially spent its time hiding, defeated. Now, it began to consider a different approach. Maybe it was time to embrace the beast within him. Yes. The enemy wouldn't know what hit them.

Kaname had often joked about what might happen if someone cloned a certain misguided military misfit. There could never be two Sousukes in body. But, he was about to make use of the closest possible thing. It was time to put the music on. But he wasn't going to give into the rage and fury. He would reign it in and make it work for them both. No. For him. There was only one Sousuke Sagara after all. It was time he accepted that!

"Al, display music track listing." Ahhh. That title might indeed fit. Diamond Head. 'Am I Evil?' Let's find out.

_'Am I evil? yes, I am  
'Am I evil? I am man, yes, I am_

_-_

'_As I watched my mother die, I lost my head  
'Revenge now I sought, to break with my bread  
'Taking no chances, you come with me  
'I'll split you to the bone, help set you free...'_

Sousuke narrowed his eyes as he ran the ARX-7 forward. The memory of his mother's death was still vivid in his mind. There were no Russians present to pay once more for that terrible crime. Grendel pilots would do. Fortunately, the silos were not too far apart. No doubt the proximity of one helped buttress the other. Today, it would allow the A.S. pilots to see whose machine was quicker.

Charging towards the lone 'Phantasm' at one silo, Sousuke saw that the enemy had correctly interpreted his apparent move: Strike down the solo defender instead of taking on a 'two-on-one'. They just didn't think far enough ahead.

"OK. What's Kurz' saying. Yes. **_Who's my bitch?"_** The switch in positions simply changed Sousuke's target. He hoped he could get there in time to get a few blows in before he was double teamed. "Al, full speed rush, leaping for distance not height." The ARX- 7 changed course towards the 'Phantasm' that was now left standing alone.

_'Twenty-seven, everyone was nice  
'Gotta see 'em, make 'em pay the price  
'See their bodies out on the ice  
'Take my time'_  
-  
_'Am I evil? yes, I am  
'Am I evil? I am man, yes, I am, ooh'_

In mid air, Sousuke decided which new method to employ. Why not take a cue from that Viking warrior. "Al, form the field into a force axe, double-bitted, short shaft." His mind helping to shape the weapon, Sousuke eyed the glowing nimbus surrounding his first foe. Was there a weakness? And, was the image a 'ghost' or an actual form? "Al, separate out part of the field for sensory purposes. Form long thin streamers, now. When they contact something solid or another energy filed, mark that site as target!" He would take a lesson from another nature show he had watched. Bottom feeding creatures, living in the darkness, often had barbells, whiskers, or modified body parts adept at locating prey.

"Contact, bearing left thirty degrees."

Shifting to align along the given vector, Sousuke brought the sparkling blue force axe down. The impact was tremendous, with both Arm Slaves blown away from each other. Sousuke had the better of it, maintaining Arbalest's balance by shifting it center of balance while it slid. Briefly, his opponent flickered into its true appearance. It was rolling ass over teacup.

"Al, grenade…**NOW!"**

Arbalest released one of the Anti-A.S. grenades, but it exploded before entering the silo.

**_"Shit!" _**One of the other pilots was damn good. He had shot the grenade before it could destroy the ICBM. "Use their trick, Al. Shield the silo from our side. Drop the remaining grenade, now." The grenade fell unimpeded, as missile and cannon fire bounced harmlessly off of the Lambda Driver's projected barrier. "Head for the other silo, zig zag route. _Move it!"_

_'On with the action now, I'll strip your pride  
'I'll spread your blood around, I'll see you ride  
'Your face is scarred with steel, wounds deep and neat  
'Like a double dozen before ya, smells so sweet...'_

Sousuke knew how deeply his soul had been scarred with things stronger than steel. The wounds were deep, ragged instead of neat. The things that he had suffered through could have broken strong men. They gave him the strengtht to continue and the ability to face adversity.

Good? Evil? It didn't rally matter, as long as he was able to get the job done.

_'Am I evil? yes, I am  
'Am I evil? I am man_

A tremendous explosion shook the ground. Fragments of flaming metal rocketed skyward, followed by a columnar rush of flame. Two down. One to go. That one was going to be difficult. The enemy Arm Slaves were forming a triangle around him.

Sousuke smiled. He remembered a Marine saying. "So they've got us surrounded, good! Now we can fire in any direction, those bastards won't get away this time!" It wouldn't be that easy. But, they didn't have all of the advantages.

_'I'll make my residence, I'll watch your fire  
'You can come with me, sweet desire  
'My face is long forgot, my face not my own  
'Sweet and timely whore, take me home_  
-  
_'Am I evil? yes, I am  
'Am I evil? I am man_

"Sergeant. Long range radar has detected a number of approaching flights or aircraft. Most are likely interceptors or air superiority fighters. Altitude suggests that some are ground attack craft."

"Good." If the pilots were too afraid to fire at silos on their own soil, they might be careful firing on any vehicles standing near the silos. If on the other hand they were intent on destroying unauthorized structures in order to regain face in world politics, it would be that much harder for Grendel to defend the last remaining ICBM.

Using his mind to direct the shape and direction of his force shield, Sousuke parried both a low pushing barrier attack from one 'Phantasm,' and a straight on percussive gun like blast from another. He couldn't tell for sure where the third machine was. "Let's find out." Straining to the far reach of his thoughts, he pushed the force barrier outward and upward. Usually, he could move it strongly _or_ quickly… this time he tried for both, successfully.

One 'Phantasm' had been repelled in mid air. It held a force lance. So, at least one of his foes was somewhat skilled, and had stumbled upon a method similar to the one he had devised earlier..

"Image solidifying, Sergeant." It was indeed. The vision of one Grendel craft flickered on and off. The Lambda Driver filed around it blinked on and off too.

"So, having trouble with it, _are _you. I've been there too. But, not right now. Too bad for you." Sousuke swung his field around like a slashing hockey stick. Again and again he battered against the other Arm Slaves in seemingly reckless fashion. He was not trying to cause damage. He was trying to rattle his opponents' nerves or strain their machines.

The solo guitar reached out and stoked the fire burning inside of Sousuke. Good and evil didn't matter now. Fighting and winning mattered. Winners get to write the history books.

_'My soul is longing for, await my heir  
'Sent to avenge my mother, sweep myself  
'My face is long forgot, my face not my own  
'Sweet and timely whore, take me home_

"Uh...I apologize Kaname... you are not a whore. Errr... it is not you they are singing about. Ummm...I was not thinking about someone else..." A different part of him popped out of hiding. It wasn't the good part or the bad part. It was the clueless and naïve part. He hoped that part wouldn't get in the way! Threat detectors started calling for attention.

"Missiles incoming, Sergeant. Bombs released, falling by gravity."

"It's not a problem." Not for Arbalest. The Lambda Driver barrier was strong and consistent. The falling weapons exploded harmlessly.

One of the 'Phantasms' was not so fortunate. Large anti-armor missiles stuck one leg while the defensive screen was down. Parts of the A.S. were blown about the area, but the machine was not entirely out of action.

Sousuke parried a vicious attack from one foe. Twin scythes of energy tried to buffet him from both sides but failed, repulsed by his own shield. **"My turn!"** His attack was a slanting chop from above. Simultaneously, he formed a pliable whip-like band of force which he swept fast along the ground. The enemy pilot had directed his defenses upward, easily stopping the primary attack. But, that had only been a feint. The whip knocked the Phantasm's feet out from under it.

"Sergeant. ICBM launch imminent. Initial rocket boosters firing. Third Arm Slave shielding entrance to silo."

Maybe the aircraft could destroy the missile while it was still a slow moving target.

"SAM launch detected, Sergeant. Multiple sites."

Damn. So much for that idea. The silos were not the only hidden assets. North Korean aircraft began to fall victim to missiles far more sophisticated than anything the sovereign forces possessed.

"Urzu-7, this is Da Danaan control." It was Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin again. "Sousuke, ETA on our cruise missiles is two minutes. Repeat, two minutes. American missiles will arrive soon after."

"**_Great! _**It's going to be too late." Too late to stop the missile. Too late for him to leave the area.

_'Am I evil? yes, I am  
'Am I evil? I am man  
'Am I evil? yes, I f-cking am  
'Am I evil? I am man, yeah.'_

Oh sure! So damn evil. I haven't even taken down the enemy yet! I doubt they are going to prove any easier now. Ahhh! But they don't have to. That might just work...

The nose of the missile was moving up past the lip of the silo, as the huge metal projectile headed skyward. The one 'Phantasm' could only shield so much of the missile before it passed out of its protective zone. All he had to do is wait a few moments, without being rendered ineffective.

Wait. Be patient and wait. One of the other Arm Slaves was charging straight for him Wait a little more. Now! "Fire all missiles!"

The remaining Javelins flew straight and true in their aim. They never reached their target. The onrushing A.S. pilot had extended his field into a long and narrow projection, angling it up over Arbalest, knocking the missiles from the sky.

**"No!" **Sousuke had to do something. "**_KA… N-A-A-A…M-A-A-A-Y..."_**

The name came bursting out from deep within him. He didn't want to fail the people of Tokyo. His classmates were there. So many other people needed him too... janitors... teachers... the man at the bookshop... his fellow operatives in the safe house... bus drivers, policemen… street sweepers… children at the bus stop... _everyone._ But, there was one person in particular he was sworn to protect. There was one person he wanted more than anything to return to.

There had to be something he could do. The more unexpected, the better. Wait. Yes. It would use principles that he and the A.I. had already explored in a different manner. But, it was too cliché to work. It was too foolish to take a chance on.

_He couldn't think of anything else._

**"Move!" **With one part of his mind, he forced the nearest Arm Slave back in its tracks. The recent duality in thoughts proved useful. With another part of his mind, Sousuke formed a huge long force lance, keeping some degree of flexibility in the shaft. The other Arm Slaves raised their shields directly in front of him, thinking her was going to skewer them and then fire on the missile. He couldn't. He was out of ammunition.

Instead, Sousuke made his first attempt at pole-vaulting. Using the energy of the field to throw him self upward, her took out his Anti-Armor dagger. This would be an all or nothing attempt.

Images passed by in slow motion. It felt as if Sousuke were swimming in molasses. He saw Kaname. He saw countless other people in Japan who he knew. He remembered good times. He remembered bad times. Letting go of the force lance, the ARX-7 flung itself at the base of the rising ICBM The enemy Arm Slaves could not fire on it, in fear of damaging the missile.

Sousuke rammed the dagger into the side of the missile. It wouldn't do much damage, but it gave him a tenuous perch. The fate of millions of people would depend on just how sure his grip was. "Al, activate the Monomolecular cutter. Grasp it, then start cutting into the base of the missile where I direct it."

"Acknowledged, Sergeant."

Sousuke was understandably distracted by the task at hand. His opponents had not given up on him. One pilot in particular had evolved well beyond linear thinking. A long wire shot up and wrapped itself around Arbalest's ankle. It was attached to the hand of one of the 'Phantasms.' The pilot intended to dig in with his Lambda driver field and pull Sousuke off of the ascending ICBM. Instead, the field carried up with it tons of muddy soil. That weight might prove to be the most daunting challenge of all.

The enemy A.S. hung by a tow cable. Sousuke felt the knife begin to move out ever so slightly. They were gaining altitude quickly now. The fall would kill each of them. For a moment, Sousuke had great admiration for the dedication of his foe. "Al, can you reach the wire?"

"Negative, Sergeant."

What could he do? The Arbalest could not detach its limbs as some more primitive A.Ses could. Damn! It would have been so simple! The animalistic part of Sousuke came up with an answer. What does a fox or wolf do when it gets its foots stuck in a bear trap? It chews it off so that it can go free. "Al, use the cutter to remove your right leg."

Sergeant?"

"**DO IT! _NOW! _THAT'S AN ORDER!"**

The ARX-7 moved to carry out the command. Sparks flew off of the metal in its leg.  
Shots fired by the enemy Arm Slave bounced off of the Lambda Driver shield. The enemy pilot was attempting to knock Sousuke loose, aiming at an angle away from the body of the missile.

Sousuke was breathing faster and faster. The pressure was weighing down on him. The knife had slipped out more. Should he have used his free hand to punch a hole in the missile instead? Might that have knocked him off? Or, was his actual choice a mistake?

The Lambda Driver barrier around the Grendel craft held. If it hadn't, the 'Phantasm' would have been melted and fused by the fire issuing forth from the bottom of the ICBM. The field around Arbalest, on the other hand, began to flicker.

"**No. **_Not now!"_

The Lambda Driver shut down. The right leg of the ARX-7 fell away, taking with it the enemy and his machine. The Grendel pilot fired, hitting Arbalest. Its fingers opened, barely handing onto the knife. The acceleration and growing vibrations would knock things free any moment now. Sousuke was certain of that.

What should he do? He knew. Make a small blade with the Lambda Driver field. Why hadn't he done that when the damn thing was working? Why hadn't he simply used the field like a pair of giant shears, cutting the ICBM in half? 

"Too late. Kaname was right. I really am a moron."

He heard her voice. He was in Arbalest for the first time. He was confused. He didn't know what to do. She guided him. She calmed him down and focused his thoughts. She had helped him save them that day. Feeling strangely at peace, Sousuke reached out with his mind, emotions, and intentions. The Lambda Driver sputtered back to life. Ever so carefully, he pulled open the side of the missile housing. He should have done this much earlier. Part of him had been concerned about his own life.

A great blast of energy shot forth from the hand of Arbalest. The glowing light engulfed the great lift engines of the ICBM and twisted them into useless junk. The resultant explosion threw the Arm Slave away from the falling missile. Sousuke looked down. They were dropping quickly, somewhere over the ocean. Would the Lambda Driver soften his impact? The question was moot. The Lambda Driver was down again. There was no way he would be able to compose himself again.

"Al, monitor distance to impact. Utilize rocket boosters to slow the descent just before impact. Full thrust for as long as possible."

"Affirmative."

The rockets fired, then went dead. The fuel had been exhausted earlier.

A tremendous plume of water shot upward from the sea, as the ARX-7 plunged down into the briny depths.


	25. Chapter 25

Sousuke had been wrong.

Some great need for self-preservation had blossomed within him. Force lines from the recalcitrant Lambda Driver field had shot outward like immense spines on a sea urchin, softening the water and easing his impact.

As the ARX-7 sank deeper and deeper into the darkness, the bubbles seen outside of his view screen decreased in number. Similarly, many of his new found emotions seemed to dissipate and move out of his reach.

"Am I back to normal? Was I ever normal to start with?" He had no way to answer that. The second question had plagued him ever since he had first asked it, months ago. That had been Kaname Chidori's doing. He did not know if he would ever want to explore down that avenue again.

Why? Because of first question. He didn't know what personal decisions would be wise or safe. It wasn't his own well-being he was most concerned about. It was Kaname's…

How could he ever be sure that the dark part deep within him wouldn't rise up and take control again? He shuddered. He stared down at his hands. Those hands had moved the controls that rammed a knife into Kurz' M9. Those hands had sent forth a blast of energy that threw Melissa across the ground. What might those hands do to Kaname?

"I don't know. How can I ever put her at risk? I..." He was about to say 'I care for her.' He was tempted say 'I could love her.' But what did someone like him know about caring or love? Did he have any right to think such thoughts about a normal girl?

Sousuke put his hand on a little used control panel. There were a number of switches that related to the automatic homing beacon. It was working as it should now, without any input from him. One switch would turn it off. Another would cause its battery to jettison, ending its use for good. Would either of those switches serve Kaname well? How would she be better off? She might seem to want him near her now, but how much of that was due to the earth shattering experiences they had lived through together? How much was gratitude... curiosity... proximity?

He had brought strife and confusion into her life. As often as he had protected her from external forces beyond his control, he had put her at risk as a result of his own impulsiveness and lack of social awareness. But, despite all that, she had grown closer to him of her own free will. The kiss had been wonderful. It had been world-altering for him. What did it mean about Kaname? Could he hope to start back up where he had left off? There were so many doubts inside of him!

"The medicines are wearing off." It was true. Had the biochemicals been a heartless puppet master, entirely responsible for manipulating his feelings and primal urges? Or, were they merely the key to Pandora's box? Once out, could the evils be put back inside? He was afraid. He had to admit that. Nothing in his life had frightened him as much as this.

Sousuke was no stranger to uncertainty and adversity. But, he had no desire to subject Kaname to an endless litany of confusion and misfortune. Mardukas had viewed him as a bomb just waiting to go off, something capable of lulling people into a sense of security before detonating in devastating fashion.

"But, maybe _everyone_ is uncertain. Could it be that normal people have the same kind of questions and fears that I do?"

Yes. That might indeed be the case. Such a fact should be reassuring. But, how many people had gone through the experimental procedure that he had? Not even the doctors had been able to give him any assurances before they hooked him up to their machines. What could they possibly say now, witness to the transformation he had undergone?

It was not just Kaname who could be in danger. How could the men and women in the SRT ever look at him the same way again? How could the tight knit community on De Danaan and on Merida Island trust him implicitly? It was not a simple question. The point was made all that more difficult to ponder by the simple fact that he had been a cipher to many people before. How many people had failed to trust him in the past because of the air of uncertainty surrounding him? Who could blame any of them for being cautious or concerned?

Things still went much deeper than that. Countless men, women, and children would depend on him depending on him if his superiors at Mithril gave him another chance. If he was placed back in a position of great responsibility, and he failed, what catastrophic fate might they all suffer?

"But I got the job done. Again." There was no denying it. He had saved the day. No one else had been in position to do what he had done. This time. By dumb luck. Disobedience, blind rage, or some other byproduct of his empowered base instincts could sabotage some future operation. What if the next missile wouldn't normally slip through Mithril's fingers, but did so because he screwed up? Would it be best for everyone if he just sank from view forever? Should he even bother debating the issue?

Mithril might be able to build another ARX-7. There were soldiers by the dozen eager to join the organization at any given moment. Kurz and Melissa could break in a new teammate. The fight for justice would go on. Sousuke did not want to take the next mental leap. He stared over the edge, looking down into a bottomless chasm of repressed feelings and emotions. Kaname. He needed to focus on Kaname. She was a wonderful girl. He had realized just how special she was just before he left for this mission. Someone like her should easily be able to find someone else. Maybe she would be better off with someone who fit in better.

"I don't think I could want someone else." The thought of living without Kaname was uncomfortable. He hated the idea of Kaname dating someone else... kissing someone else... doing other things with someone else. He saw red. He sighed. His body went limp, succumbing to mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion. Maybe that moment of jealousy should be a warning to him. Kaname had a right to choose any man she wanted. What if it wasn't him? How would he react? Would he break down? Would he wall off his feelings entirely? Might he strike out at her, or at people who had never done anything to deserve his wrath?

His finger tip brushed across the tips of the switches ever so softly. It would be so easy. He could make the questions meaningless. But, it wasn't right! That would be a cowards choice.

**"And, I do not want it!" **His shout shook him out of his deepening torpor. That truth the most frustrating thing of all. He had had swum in emotions that he had rarely allowed himself to touch or take notice of. He had learned a great deal about himself, good and bad. When all was said and done, he knew there was something within him that wanted to get out. There was a part of him that wanted to see… to feel… to touch… to love. That alone was worth fighting tooth and nail for.

"There are other possibilities." Yes. There were organizations other than Mithril that would have a use for him. The JSDF, for example. There were other jobs within Mithril that might suit him. Perhaps he could be an instructor, or train to be a mechanic.

He had led a lonely life, even though he had not been alone. Why couldn't he simply slip back into that mode of existence? He had walked the halls of Xanadu. He had tasted honeydew. He had supped ever so briefly on the milk of paradise.

Reaching his foot out, he hooked the scarf. He kicked it up where he could grab hold of it. He brought it to his nose and breathed deep. It smelled of Kaname's apartment. He closed his eyes. He could remember the feel of her lips pressing against his. He sat a while like that, pulling the soft warm fabric close to him. Reluctantly, he forced himself to address the problem at hand. Sitting here dreaming and thinking would make his decision unnecessary. He had only so much time. There were things he should do.

"Al, are you still capable of responding?"

"Yes, Sergeant."

"Run a check of all major and minor systems. Check data buses and core integrity before putting too much stress on any one subroutine."

"Acknowledged, Sergeant. Working."

Sousuke looked over at the bottom corner of the HUD. The music list was still projecting and the last song title flashing. He shook his head. Fate must be laughing at him. Perhaps Fate or Destiny wanted to get back at him. The name of the group was a stab at him. 'Kiss.' The title was 'Rocket Ride'. Feeling somewhat contrary, he set the control to 'play' again.

_'Baby wants it fast, baby wants a blast  
'She wants a rocket ride, she wants a rocket ride  
'Baby wants it fast, baby wants a blast  
'She wants a rocket ride, she wants a rocket ride  
-  
'Lady space, you better wake up fast  
'Countdown is comin' on  
'Take a rocket ride  
'The gravity that used to hold you down  
'Just don't exist no more  
'Take a rocket ride  
-  
'Baby wants it fast, baby wants a blast  
'She wants a rocket ride, she wants a rocket ride  
'Baby wants it fast, baby wants a blast  
'She wants a rocket ride, she wants a rocket ride  
'Come on, grab a hold of my rocket...'_

He had already grabbed one rocket. But, clueless or not, he knew that was _not _what the song was referring to. He blushed. "It is not a problem."

Sousuke sighed. Part of him had certainly returned to normal. The music no longer held the same thrill for him that it had earlier. Was that because he was repressing his deeper urges? Weren't some primitive drives necessary for enjoyment and emotional fulfillment? There would be many things to talk about with the base psychologist, if he hadn't already been cashiered out of Mithril.

"Results recorded and displayed. All major systems operational, Sergeant. Minor dysfunction in secondary servos has been bypassed. Core integrity estimated at eighty five percent. Simple tasks pose no danger of systems crash."

"Thank you, Al. Are GPS systems functional? Can you contact the satellite system at this depth?"

"Checking...checking... checking... affirmative. Location plotted. Calculating distance to nearest land mass." The ARX-7s location was plotted on screen.

"Very good. Do you have sounding capability or pressure measurement capacity that would allow estimate of depth and current?"

"Accessing subsystems. Affirmative. Working."

Sousuke sat back in his harness, thinking again about the world he had caught a glimpse of. "I was so close to paradise. It is not fair. To see it... to touch it... to taste it... only to have it taken away." It was more than that. He had willingly put him self in harm's way. He had been ready to die for the one he loved. He had been willing to fight for those who believed in him. Death would have been simple. Living with any possible changes could be Hell. It all depended on the nature of any changes awaiting him.

The thought of Paradise and Hell brought to mind a text he had read in English class. Milton's 'Paradise Lost.' He thought about Satan's fall from grace. It hadn't shaken any chords within him at the time. It had been a strangely-worded literary work penned by a man long in his grave, nothing more. Now, he began to see possible parallels.

Beezlebub had suggested to Satan that they get revenge upon God by seducing man to their side. Christ later died, to bring man back into the grace and light of God.  
In that story, it was possible for man to regain some of what he had lost. Could he do the same?

Satan had regretted his fall at first. But, his feelings turned to hatred. Would Sousuke end up feeling the same way, if things did not go well? Could he end up worse off than he was before he came to Tokyo? He rubbed at his chin. It was prickly. He hadn't had time to shave for the past two mornings.

What had caused Satan's fall? Satan's first sin had been pride. Sousuke had never been one to be overly proud of himself or his accomplishments. He merely did what he needed to do, or what others required of him. Or, at least that's how it had seemed to him. Did the shame he felt now indicate that his pride was more of a problem than he had ever realized? Or, was his lack of conscious pride a sign that he was too different to fit in? One thing was for certain. He had experienced overwhelming hubris, and did not want to see that part of himself again.

"Kaname." Sousuke sighed, shaking his head. What should he do about Kaname? What would he be allowed to do? Would he even survive long enough to be faced with some kind of decision?

Eve had disobeyed God. Adam was clearly upset, but ate of the apple because he couldn't imagine living without her. After that, and after they had sated their tremendous feeling of lust, they both knew the difference between good and evil. Because they did so, it was possible to choose the latter. They blamed each other for their fall.

Could Sousuke flip the genders around? If he went back to Tokyo, could he end up corrupting Kaname? If he found that he had indeed fallen, would he drag her down with him, if she refused to send him away? Adam and Eve had turned to God and asked forgiveness. He heard them and would not allow mankind to be lost completely to Sin, Death, and Satan. They were forced to leave Paradise. They had no choice but to face the consequences of their actions. Corruption and violence would remain part of man forever more.

That thought was strangely comforting to Sousuke. If corruption and violence was inherent to every man, even though most men did not appear corrupt and violent by society's standards, it may be possible for him to deal with any new changes that has arisen within him. Hope tickled him. It was an uncomfortable feeling, because it carried to sting of uncertainty. He initially wanted to brush it away, as if it were a fly walking across his neck. He didn't. Being mature meant understanding one's nature. He had learned that much from his trials and tribulations.

He yawned. It might be because he was tired. There could be a different reason as well. "Al, display the amount of oxygen remaining. Calculate the time remaining at current expenditure. Shut down all functions requiring the use of oxygen."

Was he getting anywhere with this self-examination? He wasn't certain, but felt compelled to continue. A story that Raphael recited to Adam had showed another truth. There will always be members of Adam's seed that will act honorably and bring the grace of God back to mankind. Who was to say that he himself couldn't be such a man?

Adam had ended up realiing that the Fall was necessary, showing that an evil thing could be turned into a good thing, as demonstrated by the resurrection of God's son. Could Sousuke rise renewed from his ordeal, like a phoenix from the ashes?

The journey that Adam and Eve had to take was no different than the journey that every man and woman must take in life. Did Sousuke want to make that journey?

_What should he do? _


	26. Chapter 26

The air was chill and biting.

Small flurries of snow danced on the swirling wind. The brief kiss of snow flakes on Kaname's face did not distract her from her thoughts. The open space ahead of her was haunting. It spoke to her.

This wasn't an official memorial. A more permanent project was in the design stage. Nonetheless, the impact was tremendous. She felt tears running down her face. Looking over at Stacy and Ayame, she realized that they were solemn and silent as well. Even the usual comic figure of Mr. Smith had taken on a new light. The rotund bodyguard ran his fingers over a list of names, stopping ever so often. He bowed his head. There was a bouquet of cut flowers in his hand. His lips trembled as he whispered a number of names.

A large glass-covered display panel stood at the site of the fallen World Trade Center. The name of each and every man and woman lost in that tragedy was displayed in the impromptu _Ground Zero _Memorial. A small group of men and women stood there crying, praying, or trying to find some kind of understanding.

Kaname knew that Sousuke's name wasn't on the list. That didn't keep her from wondering if it might not end up on the list of fallen heroes kept by Mithril at their island base. Seeing the names of the terrorist victims helped her appreciate just what Sousuke did. He put his own life on the line, to help prevent the need for more memorials like this one.

"Lest We Forget." Yes. She would never forget Sousuke, if he happened to lose his life in Korea. Furthermore, she should never forget what he was, if he remained alive. Too many people made that mistake in life. "You never know what you have until it's gone." Peace. Freedom. Security. Love.

Kaname watched a young boy put a letter and a small stuffed animal on the pile of items at the foot of the memorial. An older woman stuck an American flag next to a Canadian flag. There were flags of many nations there. How many countries mourned their sons and daughters because of a senseless act of terrorism? She read the facts printed on one poster. The final death toll was greater than twenty-eight hundred people. Of those, more than three hundred had been firefighters. Less than twelve hundred bodies had been identified. No more than thirty bodies had been removed intact.

Kaname coughed, the cold air ravaging her throat. What would the numbers be if Tokyo was struck by a nuclear weapon? What would happen to Kyouko, Maya, Ren, Ryo, and Shinji? At that moment, she could even forgive the people like Shirai, who were normally nothing but a blemish on her existence.

Her eyes continued their journey. It had taken eight months to clear the sixteen acre plot of land. That had been far ahead of schedule, thanks to the Herculean efforts or countless men and women. There had been an estimated three million work hours invested. It had taken more than one hundred thousand truckloads to cart away the nearly two million tons of steel and concrete. Kaname bowed her head and placed it against the glass. She couldn't move. There was a feeling of loss beyond words. Her fears began to pull at her. Life was such an uncertain thing. It was so precious.

Looking down at the row of flags at her feet, she saw one from her own country. For a moment, she thought about the irony of standing at such a site in the country that had struck Hiroshima and Nagasaki with nuclear weapons. She felt no need for judgment, as Sousuke had given her an unbiased account of the war. She knew about the dirty bombs that Japan had been preparing for San Francisco with German help. That plot had been close to being set in motion when the mushroom clouds rose above Japanese soil.

It wasn't about who did what to whom. What mattered was the innocent people, the men and women who go about their work, trying to make a better world for themselves and their children. They had suffered before. There was always the chance that they would suffer again. There was a seventeen year old boy out there fighting for their lives. How could so much responsibility rest on someone so young? What had made her so eager to dismiss him as some annoying pest? Why had she been so angry about his steadfast adherence to duty and obligation?

There was so much she wanted to tell him. There were things she could do to help him. In that way, maybe she could help those innocent men, women, and children too. She placed a small ceramic figurine on the ground, next to a clusters of letters and cards. It was one she had taken from the Christmas tree with her father's blessing. It was a simple but expressive replica of a dove.

Kaname had wanted to come to that site first, before going shopping. She had suffered through a restless night, tossing and turning in her bed, wondering what was happening in North Korea. Somehow, she knew that standing here would put her in touch with feelings and fears that she hadn't allowed herself to deal with before.

Breakfast had left her in a much different mood. After Ayame had banged on her door again, she shambled out to the kitchen, her hair in total disarray and her eyes barely open. She needed to eat, if only to regain enough stamina to throttle her sister. She was shocked to see Oichi there. She had gone home after spending long hours sitting and talking with her father. Sitting in one of the ornate carven chairs, she looked as fresh and as spirited as ever. Kaname could almost hate her for that. Worse, she had made the breakfast. It was delicious! Naturally, she just had to be a terrific cook too.

Kaname had found herself torn for a moment. An idea had crept into her head. Wouldn't it be nice to be around someone like Oichi? It would be wonderful to have a woman she could look up to. She could learn about cooking. Then she could make even better meals for Sousuke. The paradox had been infuriating. She could do so without staying in America. But, it wouldn't mean as much unless she returned home to Japan.

'Ayame. Did you wake up Stacy?' Kaname had asked that question while spooning fruit preserves on a home made muffin..

'Of course not! She needs her sleep.' Ayame's answer had earned her a short but effective round of tickling. It had been a near thing. Her sister had almost ended up wearing the muffin, jam and all. Yes. It had felt wonderful, kidding around with Ayame. It had felt marvelous looking over at her father and seeing him smile at them. It had been nice to see the look that Oichi gave him. Everything had seemed OK in the universe for that short moment of time.

Her thoughts had then turned to Sousuke. She wished that he could have been there with them. More than anyone else she knew, he could benefit from the sense of family. She wished that he could someday feel that he belonged somewhere.

Kaname looked over at Mr. Smith. He was wiping tears from his eyes, pretending he was doing anything but that. She surprised herself by smiling. There was good in most people, wasn't there? All you needed to do was look. Stacy had her hand on Ayame's shoulder. Kaname's younger sister had her face in her hands. She had read a card posted on the bulletin board. It was from a boy writing to his deceased sister. She had been a stewardess on United Airline Flight 175.

The power of shopping would be sorely tested. Would the age old miracle be able to lift the girls' spirits? After leaving the memorial, the small group hailed a taxi cab and headed off for one of the larger shopping areas. Stopped at one light, Mr. Smith opened the cab window and called to a street vendor who bought soft pretzels for everyone. They were warm, chewy, and flavorful. Kaname didn't mind the small flecks of mustard dotting her blouse when she was done.

Sitting back in her seat, she thought back to the times she had walked these streets with her mother. She remembered getting pretzels and sitting in the park. They had often gotten unshelled peanuts and walked from shop to shop. If it wasn't peanuts or pretzels, it had been Italian ices or hot dogs.

On special days, they had all gone together, her father wearing his favorite suit, and Ayame in a stroller. Kaname looked over at her sister and smiled. She had a large splotch of mustard on her shirt and was trying frantically to rub it away.

'Mom. I miss you. I've been through so much. There is someone I want you to meet. I hope he's OK. I don't want you to see him before I do.' Kaname looked out of the car window, seeing a number of couples walking together. It made her feel wistful. 'Mom. There's someone else, too. She's very nice. There's no way she can ever take your place, but I think you would like her. She's good for Daddy.' Yes. Shopping would be good. Kaname felt a need to move, to look, to buy.

Stacy paid the driver. She said it was her treat. Kaname and her family had been so nice to her, making it feel as if she had known them all of her life. Mr. Smith walked behind the girls, his eyes darting left to right, up and down. His entire posture and bearing was different. He knew these streets. He had walked them before. This was his element. His past experience took over. Every so often, while Stacy was busy chatting with Kaname or her sister, the bodyguard would call out instructions or tell them to hold up.

Ayame almost bought a watch for her father. Kaname put her hand on her purse and told her to keep on walking. "But Kaname, it was a Rolex. The price was so great!" Ayame looked shocked when Stacy told her about street hustlers and con men. She began looking at everybody with a different eye.

"People are not who they always seem, kiddo." Kaname had laughed when she said it, glad to share her hard-earned wisdom with her sister. She smiled then, wondering just how wise she was. She had misjudged a certain scruffy soldier. She had been handed an ugly mud-caked rock. When she took the time to wash away the dirt, she had found a diamond underneath. It would be good to see him again. See him. Hold him. Kiss him. He'd better want to kiss her again, the big idiot. Moron. Jerk!

She knew he'd be OK. He always was. Ever since she had known him, he kept coming back to her. Before it had been duty and obligation. This time it would be something different. At least she hoped so. "You have to come back, Sousuke. Do you hear me?" She whispered the words feeling herself shiver from a sudden fierce gust of icy wind. "I didn't say you could stay away..."

They walked by a large TV and stereo emporium with televisions sitting in barred front windows. A number of the sites were on, showing various channels. One show, the national news, caught Kaname's attention. She stood there as the other girls walked on. There was a map of North Korea. Pictures of nuclear missiles and troops were shown as accent pieces. Unconcerned how she might look, Kaname put her ear up against the cold glass. What were they saying!

"...danger abated..." "...unknown forces..." "...unsuspected weapons..." "...furious battle..." "...restoration of sovereignty...'

A hand pulled at her shoulder, moving her ear off of the window. "Come on, Sis. Stop acting weird. Let's go..." Ayame was taken aback by the look on her sister's face.

Kaname listened again. There was nothing specific. But, the anchorwoman had said that the crisis was abated. That meant Tokyo and her friends would be OK! It also meant that Mithril must have been successful! Didn't that mean that Sousuke had to be safe? Her heart soared, higher than the pigeons that Ayame set to wing, running into their midst. But just like those ubiquitous birds, her feelings soon returned to earth. She remembered one particular day. She had been aboard De Danaan. They had wheeled an unconscious Melissa by her on a stretcher.

"Any news?" Stacy asked. She obviously knew what Kaname had been doing.

"Nothing definite, not that I expected that. It sounds like the crisis is over." Kaname pushed her hair out of her face, a worried look on her face.

"Maybe I'll hear something later," Stacy said, trying to cheer Kaname up. "You should shop for him, you know? Look for things he might like. Looks for things he might like to see on you." Stacy paused, a wicked look in her eyes. "Look for something he might like to take off of you..."

Kaname blushed. She immediately looked to see where Ayame was. "**Stacy! **We don't have _that_ kind of relationship. We only kissed that once."

Stacy smiled. "Who knows what might happen, right?" The blonde bodyguard was being a bit disingenuous. She and her boyfriend were going steady, but hadn't been to bed together. Still, it was fun to tease Kaname. As it turned out, they passed by a fancy lingerie shop. Stacy stopped and grabbed hold of Kaname's arm. She pointed by nodding her head. Kaname swallowed hard.

"We can't go in there! You know how my father feels. If blabbermouth Ayame told him that I was even walking past that kind of stuff, I would be sent to a convent!" Kaname almost looked frantic.

"No problem. Leave it to Stacy. See over there, a nice woman's clothier. A few doors down, one of the best deli's in the city. Just watch and learn." Stacy walked over to Mr. Smith and spoke to him and Ayame. "Mr. Smith, Kaname and I would like to look in that clothing store over there. You're more than welcome to join us if you like. We ought to be safe with me there." She lifted her shopping bag off of the sidewalk, then put it back down. "That deli over there has some of the best corned beef and pastrami sandwiches on the east coast. But, you'll have to wait in line." She saw the large man's eyes light up. He looked torn. "They also have a wonderful bakery inside. Warm flaky pastries that can melt in your mouth. More cookies than anyone could hope to eat in a lifetime."

Ayame took a firm grasp on Mr. Smith's wrist and began dragging him after her. Mission accomplished. Kaname just shook her head and smiled. Stacy was a piece of work.

"So... ready?" Stacy laughed when Kaname blushed. She was enjoying herself. It was good to be hanging out with another girl her own age. Her secret identity didn't give her much time for that any more. Kaname stammered, but followed after the quickly striding girl.

"Welcome to the shop, ladies." A lovely matronly woman smiled when they stepped inside. "Looking for something special for that someone special?"

"Yes, she is." Stacy answered for Kaname. Her friend shook her head, blushing. She dug in her heals as Stacy pushed her along. "Come on Kaname, don't get all serious now. If you find something you like, buy it. I can stash it in my bag. No one is going to look in there!" Stacy tossed her hair. "Besides, we're not here so much as to buy as we are to try things on. Come on! Lighten up!"

Kaname soon developed a routine. First, her eyes would grow impossibly wide, seeing a certain nightie displayed on a store dummy. Next, she would reach her hand towards it, as if it were a snake about to strike. She'd pull that hand back quickly. Then, her pride spurring her on, she'd pick up something in her size and head for the dressing area. Moments later, she would come hurrying back and put it back on the rack, unable to work up the courage to try it on. Stacy on the other hand, seemed eager to try on everything she could.

"That special day is going to come sooner or later. It should be something special, not some sweaty scene in the back of a car or some cheap run down motel. No harm in getting ready for that, is there?" Stacy looked at herself in a mirror and turned red.

Kaname froze, feeling as if someone had dipped her into a bubbling vat of liquid nitrogen. Then, inexplicably, she began to sweat. She remembered the feel of Sousuke's arms around her. She could recall the scent of his cologne. The kiss! Naturally, she remembered the kiss. There was a slight stirring inside of her. She blushed again. It felt as if everyone in the shop was staring at her, even the manikins.

No. This was not the time or place to be thinking about sex. Well, it was hard not to think a few wanton thoughts, given the setting. Nonetheless, she was not going to rush things. She was captivated by the very thought of being in love, but she had no fanciful illusions about it. Too many good things had turned sour in her life. She was not going to rush into anything, only to regret it later!

A small part of her raised its hand, asking for permission to speak. She cautiously agreed. It might not be any time soon. It may not even be with a surprisingly charming but clueless young sergeant. But, the day would come, wouldn't it? What harm would there be in preparing, even if the event was years down the road? She could buy something now, and put it away for later. It would certainly be associated with the memories of this momentous stay, wouldn't it?

Kaname convinced herself to try a number of things on. Walking up to the cashier, she saw Stacy there. Both girls looked at one another and blushed. Both fought to keep from giggling under the watch of the knowing cashier. After that, they did spend time in the woman's shop. Kaname felt the urge to buy a nice new outfit or two, wanting to look good for Sousuke. The thought made her frown. No doubt she would end up looking gorgeous, and that knucklehead would show up wearing some tattered pair of khakis or something in camouflage colors. Big stupid head! Kaname told Stacy what had her miffed.

"They're boys, Kaname. If it's not uniforms, it's something! You should see the things my boyfriend wears sometimes. Shirts from his old sports teams. Rock T-shirts. The newest Neanderthal fashions. It took me an entire week to talk him into wearing a tux at the junior prom!" Stacy stomped her foot. Kaname smiled.

Eventually, they found Ayame and Mr. Smith waiting for them outside. When Ayame asked what Kaname had bought, she was able to answer without lying. She had gotten a nice selection of clothing.

"You guys hungry?" Mr. Smith took a half of a pastrami sandwich from one pocket and the remnants of a liverwurst sandwich from the other. Fortunately, they were both wrapped. "Good stuff!"

"Uh... I'll pass." Stacy said quickly.

"Me too," Kaname added.

"Cherry turnover?" Ayame asked.

"**_Yes!" _**Kaname said, feeling her stomach grumble.

"Y_ou bet!" _Stacy's eyes lit up.

"**Too bad!" **Ayame rubbed her tummy. "It was really good, though. Thought you'd want to know that." Mr. Smith stepped in from of Ayame to shield her. '_Now_ the man has to do his job,' Kaname groused to herself.

Mr. Smith was only too glad to accompany the girls to a nice café. When everyone had eaten to his or her fill, they set out sightseeing. If Kaname was not going to have to stay in America, she wanted to take advantage of the opportunity. They took cabs. They rode the subway. They took a ferry across to the Statue of Liberty.

Kaname felt like she was Queen of the World, standing at the top of the Empire State Building. Snow covered the tops of the lower buildings around her. She held onto the railing tightly. She knew she wasn't going to fall, as that would take quite some effort, requiring one to climb past security barriers and jump. Just the same, she clutched at the nearest support. At one time in her life, she might have wanted to jump from such a place. Now, she treasure her life, no matter how different it was since she found out that she was Whispered. Her visit with family had reminded her just how much the world had to offer.

"Want something while we wait for the elevator?" The liverwurst sandwich appeared in Mr. Smith's hand again.

Kaname was tempted to grab it and toss it over the side. No. With her luck, she'd get arrested. Sousuke would probably waltz in from his mission unscathed, while she would show up with a prison tattoo and a criminal record. "No thank you." Kaname kept from laughing. She pictured Mr. Smith in her mind, jumping off of the building to save is sandwich. He could probably finish it before hitting bottom.

Sitting on a park bench later, Kaname needed to catch her breath. They had certainly done and seen a lot. She had picked up a couple of trinkets for her apartment and a thank you gift for her father. She had gotten one for Oichi too. She looked down at one bag and smiled. She had found something for Sousuke. It was a book called 'The Greatest Military Blunders In History.' He'd love it, if he didn't already have a copy, the moron! Yes, before she gave it to him, she'd tape his picture on one page and reference it in the index.

Rummaging through her bag, she took out another item and looked at it. It was silly. If any of her friends had said they were going to give something like that to a boy, she would have gagged. That was then. This was now. It was a keepsake figurine: a boy and girl holding hands.

Kamame smiled. Her cellular phone rang. She had to hurry and take off her mittens before she could answer. "Hello?" t was the Mithril operative she had spoken to the day before. "Yes, she has. I agree, she is truly exceptional." Kaname smiled as she looked over at Stacy. "I have another person you might look into." Kaname laughed, looking over at Mr. Smith. He was unsuccessfully trying to get some pigeons to eat liverwurst. "Sorry, I was just kidding. Stacy will no doubt mention it in her report."

The man had called to inform her that the crisis in North Korea was indeed over, as best as Mithril could determine. He would not pass along any details over the telephone. He asked where she was and what she was doing. "I'm in the City, sitting on a frozen bench. I'm freezing my buns off while I rest my feet. My sister is here, along with Stacy and a bodyguard my father hired." The agent informed her that it should be safe to return home when she liked. If she would do like she did before, they would send some people in to give her aircraft a quick once over, disguised as luggage handlers and flight attendants. He surprised Kaname by telling her that one of the stewardesses on the flight out had been a temporary replacement... and a Mithril hireling.

"It's safe to go home. Does that mean Sousuke will be there?" The agent told her that he was not permitted to speak about military personnel and their whereabouts. He wished her good luck and a happy holiday season before hanging up.

Kaname was very eager to get home now. With Oichi distracting her father, she would call Sousuke's apartment and see if he was back yet. She knew he would probably be in debriefing for a while, but at the very least she could leave him a phone message. Tokyo was safe. If Oichi was as convincing as Kaname thought she was, her father would just have to give her permission to return to Japan. Things were really looking up!

Before finally heading home, Kaname wheedled and pleaded with an exhausted Mr. Smith, convincing him to drive her by some of her old haunts. She particularly wanted to see her old school. She ended up speaking with a number of teachers and had shared a cup of coffee with the Principal. A lot of pleasant memories came to mind as she walked through the hallways and took a lap around the school grounds. When they finally made it home, a scrumptious meal was waiting for them. Yes, it was leftovers; but, anything that her father fixed the second day tasted as good as it did the first, if not better. He was very gracious in accepting Mr. Smith's bedraggled liverwurst sandwich.

After eating, they all enjoyed a pleasant evening of talking and television. Shunya gave the girls some money and sent them off to rent some movies. They made popcorn, and watched a number of flicks in succession, until everyone was asleep or close to it. When Kaname finally turned in, she had to admit that it had been a very fine day.

There had been only one disappointment. Sousuke never answered his phone. Kaname had tried throughout the evening.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

The next day passed much the same.

The girls had visited different areas of the city until they were worn out from walking, shopping, and exploring. Before Kaname knew it, it was nearing time for bed.

Shunya approached Kaname privately and had a word with her. Oichi had eventually won him over. He had reserved a flight to Tokyo, two mornings hence. Filled with emotion, he told her that he trusted her, and knew that she would do the right thing. He surprised his eldest daughter by talking about Sousuke. "Remember, I will send the two of you a pair of tickets any time you want to visit." It hadn't been easy for him, Kaname could tell. But, he loved his daughters and wanted them both to be happy. "I'm certain Oichi would like to meet the young man as well. She's a good judge of character." That statement felt slightly ominous, but Kaname didn't mind.

Kaname couldn't believe her good fortune. Not too long ago, the world seemed cold and dark. Now, everything was bright and full of hope. She slept like a baby. She hadn't gotten any word from Sousuke, but wasn't worried yet. Her ordeal would start the next evening, at the supper table. The phone rang, and she thought nothing of it until her father tapped her on the shoulder. "There's gentleman on the line. He asked to speak with you. He mentioned Mithril and spoke with a Russian accent." The last sentence was whispered into her ear.

"**Oh!" **Kaname grabbed the phone and ran into her bedroom. She didn't know whether to be excited or scared. "This is Kaname Chidori." Her heart sank when she realized who had called. It was Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin. Hearing his voice, it seemed as if the entire world shrunk down and pressed against her. She almost dropped the phone, her fingers going limp. This could not be good news. She could only think of one reason he would call her, here. The words burned themselves into her mind without mercy. She wanted to cry. She needed to scream.

"I am sorry to pass along this information to you, Miss Chidori. I understand that your father had consented for you to return home, so I wished to appraise you of the situation personally..." Kalinin's voice was as firm and as kindly as it had always been. She thought she could detect a slight hint of pain.

"Sousuke..."

"Yes. I should start off by saying we should all be grateful for his actions. He was single-handedly responsible for averting a terrible plot that had been a hair's breadth away from throwing the world into a new Dark Age." There was a touch of pride there, too. Kaname didn't want to hear any more. Sousuke's commanding officer was trying to soften some terrible blow. "I cannot give you the details over the phone, but promise to give you the entire story if we meet again. It pains me to inform you that Sgt. Sagara's Arm Slave was lost at sea three days ago. The locator beacon worked adequately for a short while, then went dead. Rescue teams have scoured land and water, without any luck. There has been no word from him. We will continue to hold out hope."

"I see." It was all that Kaname could bring herself to say.

"If there is anything we can do for you, please do not hesitate to ask. You need not worry about your safety. You will be well taken care of."

"Thank you," Kaname said. Her voice broke. "Please… find him..."

"We'll will do our best, Miss Chidori. We want him back. He is one of our finest." There had been a catch in Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin's voice as well. It was a stake in her heart. If the rugged war veteran was hit that hard, the outcome must be bleak.

Kaname held onto the phone for a long time, not hearing the busy signal. She tried not to think. Her mind dumped too many thoughts at once. Sousuke was gone. Chances were he was dead. There was a soft knock at her door. She walked slowly over and opened it. Her father stood there, a look of concern on his face. Kaname hesitated a moment, then threw herself into his arms, sobbing.

"_Oh Daddy!" _Her voice was muffled by his sweater. "Sousuke... he's missing... he saved everybody... and now he's probably dead..." She shook uncontrollably. Her father stroked her hair, a grief stricken look on his face.

Ayame peaked around the corner, surprised by what she saw and heard. Tears coming to her eyes, she walked up and put her arms around Kaname and her father.


	27. Chapter 27 end

Kaname sat listlessly by her telephone, resting her head against the back of the chair.

The figurine she had gotten for Sousuke was in her hands. Sighing, she stroked it absent-mindedly, turning it this way and that.

She had just gotten off of the phone with Kyouko. Her friend was worried about her since she had not gone to school since she had arrived back in Tokyo. Kaname had answered the telephone only because she had hoped to hear word about Sousuke, one way or another. Kyouko had said that she would stop by some time that evening, to bring her some food and see how she was doing.

The phone remained quiet after that. From time to time, Kaname would stare at it with an accusatory glare. She forced herself to stand up and walk over to one of the windows. Sighing, she pulled back the curtain. The sun looked so bright. The sky was so clear. For everyone else, this must be a beautiful day.

It had been hard leaving Ayame and her father. There had been tears in her eyes when she hugged Oichi. Stacy had gone along as well, offering support. A tear ran down her face. She shook her head.

"Moron." She was speaking about herself. She had dreaded going to New York. Latter, she had regretted her decision to come back here. "Big idiot." She was thinking of Sousuke now, staring down at the boy's face on the figurine. The plane flight had been horrible. She couldn't remember a thing that happened. A Mithril van picked her up at the airport, at Tessa's insistence. The driver reiterated what Lt. Kalinin's aide told her earlier that day. There was still no sign of Arbalest, or of Sousuke.

Nothing could have prepared her for the wall of feelings she ran into when she got back to her apartment. The card that Sousuke had given here was sitting on the center of her table. "I need the starshine of your heavenly eyes, after the day's great sun. And if I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I'd walk through a garden forever." Kaname repeated the words that Sousuke had written. They only brought her sadness at that moment.

Her stomach growled. Kaname wanted to ignore it, but couldn't. She hadn't eaten in two days. It was time she perked back up again. She had gotten past denial. She was still angry, but the feeling had died down. She had tried her hand at bargaining, but nothing that she did or promised had brought Sousuke back. Her depression held to her like a sopping wet sweater, but it no longer had her paralyzed.

As she filled a pot with water, she heard the doorbell ring. Kyouko. That was good timing. There wasn't much left to eat in her apartment.

"Coming, Ky!" She dried her hands on a dishrag and tossed it back in the direction of the kitchen. She didn't bother looking out of the peep hole before pulling the door open.

It wasn't Kyouko. It wasn't even a girl. A bedraggled looking young man stood there, his hair unkempt and his face covered with near a week's worth of stubble. His eyes were sunken and his mouth was trembling ever so slightly.

"Sousuke..." Kaname blinked repeatedly, wondering if she was seeing things.

The young man was staring back at her, his eyes taking in every inch of her, as if he had never seen her before, or this was the last he would be able to look at her.

"Kaname... I..."

Kaname felt like she was going to burst. It WAS him. But what was that big idiot doing, just standing there looking shy and undecided? She felt her muscles tighten. It took every ounce of strength not to fling herself on him. No. She would be dignified. That would teach him a good lesson. _Hmmmpppfff!_

"Sousuke, please come in. You're not a stranger, you know!" Kaname smiled, but her smile wilted somewhat when she saw Sousuk'e response. Something was bothering him.

"Thank you, Kaname..." His eyes went to the card. Both of his hands twitched. He looked into Kaname's eyes, then quickly looked away.

Kaname swallowed, hard. The moment she had been praying for was actually here, but she found herself worried, even disappointed. A slight surge of anger built up in her as well. This was NOT what she had hoped for. He had left her in the middle of a romantic crescendo, but returned quiet and subdued. Had he thought about the two of them? Was that it? Did he decide he couldn't care for her, or didn't want to?

"So... uh... Sousuke... where have you been" The words had come out so casually, as if she were asking about the weather. It didn't fool Sousuke, though. She saw him straighten his shoulders and look deeply into her eyes. He looked older somehow. Why?

"May I sit. I haven't eaten much. I am very weak."

"Sure. Here. Let me move this. It's something I got for you." Kaname bit her lip. She was mumbling like a young school girl at her first dance. She handed Sousuke the figurine.

"Thank you." Sousuke sat, looking at the gift. He closed his eyes for a few moments, breathing deeply. "You wished to know where I was."

"Yes. Please, Sousuke." Kaname had given in. She let down her tough exterior. Her heart was in her voice. Her eyes widened. Sousuke seemed to know that. She could just tell.

"I have been through so much..." He stopped, running his hand through his hair. "No. I will speak about all that when I can. For the past few days, I have been living in a peasant's hut, on the coastline in North Korea. I had left Arbalest under the waves, just out beyond the breakwater."

"But why so long? Were there soldiers everywhere? Why didn't Mithril come and retrieve you?" Kaname was clearly confused.

"I did not call them. I had disabled my signal beacon. I crawled the ARX- 7 along the seabed until we reached land. I lived on what I could, staying any place that proved safe." There was more that Sousuke hadn't said. Kaname was eager to hear everything.

"Why, Sousuke?"

"I did not want them to find me yet."

Those words filled Kaname with dread. What had gone wrong? Had Kurz or Melissa been killed? Had Sousuke made a larger mistake than before? Did the Lambda Driver malfunction again, just when he needed it? "Why? What happened?"

Sosuke gave Kaname a brief capsular summary of his treatment, the results, and the mission. He didn't go into too much detail, and did not mention his various thoughts about her.

"But, it wasn't your fault! You must know that, you big idiot!" Kaname walked over and kneeled by Souske's side. She took his hand in hers and squeezed it. "It was brave to take those medicines. And you were a hero. You saved us all."

Sousuke looked at her, his eyes watering. "No, Kaname. 'We.' We saved everyone."

Kaname looked up at him, baffled. Was he OK? Did things somehow damage his memory? Was he suffering psychological problems? Could that explain his behavior? "Me? I wasn't even there. My father called me back to New York with him and my sister. I have stories to tell you, too."

Sousuke's gaze became intense. He set his jaw. It looked as if he had come to some kind of a conclusion. "I did not want to leave you Kaname. I thought a lot about that kiss."

Kaname blushed. She wished the big jerk would lean over and kiss her again. Now!

"I agreed to undergo the procedure because there really was no other choice. I was the only one who could do the job. But, I also did it because you were in danger."

Kaname stood up and walked behind Sousuke. She wrapped her arms around him and put her head on his shoulder.

"Yes. I remembered that feeling too," he said quietly. "Your hair smelled different, then. Cleaner."

Kaname frowned. So my hair smells dirty now or something?

"When I was going through the changes, I thought about you as well. Uh...I...should not speak about that..." Sosuke blushed. Kaname could not see that from her angle. She did feel his entire body jerk, however.

"Really? What were you thinking?" Kaname spoke directly into Sousuke's ear.

"Uh...I should move on... there are more things to mention. I was not myself, at one point. Or maybe I was myself, more than I had ever been before." Sousuke paused. Kaname stood up, wanting to see his face.

"It's OK, Sousuke. You can tell me anything. I want you to tell me everything. Now, or whenever you feel able." Kaname smiled. It was amazing, standing here and seeing him. He was alive. "So, how did I save the world?"

"When I was on the edge, and could go either way, something kept calling me back." He reached his hand out, then pulled it back. "It was you."

Tears came to Kaname's eyes. She had dreamed about him opening up to her like this.

"Your image stopped me from killing Kurz and Melissa..." His eyes looked haunted. Kaname knew he would have some major things to work through. Her heart went out to him.

"When the part of me in control wanted to fight rather than destroy the missiles, thoughts of you made the difference. You saved the day, Kaname. I am very grateful." Sousuke's mouth formed a thin tight line.

He was struggling with something. What? Kaname read between the words. She smiled. Sousuke was weak and tired. This would be a good time to get a confession out of him. She told herself it was OK to be ruthless with the one you care for. "But Sousuke, I wasn't there. What about me won the battle?"

"I... uh... have attempted to explain. I heard your voice. I saw your image..."

"I know that, mister! I'm not deaf. Was it your feelings for me?" Kaname kept from grinning.

"Uh..."

Bingo. "Sousuke?" It felt good to be playing this game again.

"I... well..."

"Hmmm..." Kananme put her hand on Souske's knee as she sat by his side. She purposefully looked away, thinking that would make him feel less pressured.

"Yes, Kaname."

Kaname waited silently. Soon the pressure to speak was just too great. "Well?" She began tapping her foot. Sousuke stared at it and began to sweat.

"Kaname?"

"What ABOUT your feelings, soldier?" Kaname took off one shoe and began tossing it up in the air, catching it. Sousuke watched the shoe go up. He watched it come down. He watched it go up again..." "**SOUSUKE!"**

Sousuke's legs twitched. He fought the urge to stand at attention and salute. "Kaname. I thought a lot about you. I thought that I might..." He stopped. He ran his hand through his hair again. He bowed his head.

It was driving Kaname crazy. She caught herself. Moments ago she had been depressed. Now, she was excited. Because of this no good clueless otaku goofball! Of course, she couldn't think of any place she'd rather be. "Sousuke, I am tired of tossing the shoe. Do you have any suggestions for what I might do while I wait for you to find your tongue?" Oops, the old fire was coming back.

"Do you have any dirty laundry, Kaname?" His voice had been the same as it had been so many times in the past.

Kaname started to shout, until she caught sight of his eyes and mouth. He was making fun of himself. She was sure of it! "I'm looking at it!" She put her hands on her hips. "So, I'm not worth talking to am I?" That ought to work. Sousuke looked up at her. His face went blank. She wasn't fooled. "Then your feelings must not be very strong..." Kaname would bait him with that one. He'd be worried that she might doubt him or be hurt. He'd answer now.

There was movement on his face. He looked sad for a second, then looked away. What was wrong? Kaname started to worry. This wasn't a game any more. "Sousuke..." her voice was close to a whisper. "What's wrong?"

He looked up at her. He put the figurine down on the table. Standing, he walked over to the window. "I care very much for you, Kaname. I shouldn't, because I am assigned to protect you..."

Kaname's fingers dug into her palms. Was that what this was all about? He cared about her, but refused to follow through on his feelings because of duty and obligation? No! That big idiot! Jerk. Moron. You were so close. We were so close.

"But, I cannot stop the way that I feel for you. And, I do not want to..." Kaname held her breath. Would he say it? Could he say that he was in love with her? Was he? "It...I..." He rubbed his eyes with hands, going silent. Oooh! If he was doing this on purpose, Kaname would kill him. She would mourn his loss, but so help her God she would kill him! "I know that I am not like other men. That can not be helped, not with my past." Sousuke sounded wistful, as if he were Pinnochio wishing to be a human boy.

"I know, Sousuke. But that's not a bad thing. It's why I... it's why I care about you. Very very much." Kaname stood up and walked over to him. "I missed you so much. I was so very scared." He'd better take the cue. She needed to be hugged.

Sousuke reached out and cupped one side of her face with his hand and stared at her. He knew what she wanted. He wanted it too. But, he needed to finish what he was saying. "It's more than my past though, Kaname. The medicines. They removed all of the boundaries. I saw things about myself. I did things I shouldn't have done." His defenses fell. He looked grief stricken. "I cannot be certain the boundaries will hold. I am not certain who or what I am."

Kaname took matters into her own hands. She lowered Sousuke's arm. She stepped up and grabbed him in a fierce hug. "You are Sousuke Sagara, sergeant of Mithril. You are also a foolish and clueless otaku. Not to mention moron, jerk, big idiot, and stupid head." She made a small happy sound. "That is good enough for me."

"But..."

Kaname stomped on Sousuke's foot. "No buts, Sousuke. I understand what you are saying. I trust you. I want to help you learn to trust yourself. I've been there..."

"Kaname..."

"Sousuke, we can do this together. We are going to do this together. I am not giving you a choice, do you understand? I will take the risk. Aren't you willing to do the same? She pushed back and looked up at him. Her eyes were impossibly large. Sousuke felt as if he was falling down into them, with no hope of catching himself. Those lips. They looked the same as in his memories. He closed his eyes. He couldn't watch them.

"But..."

"Are you trying to be noble, Sousuke?" Kaname sounded angry.

"Uh..."

"You're trying to protect me, right?" She clenched her hands.

"Uh..."

"You're going to make a big sacrifice for my sake?" The look on her face said 'Big mistake!'

"Uh..."

Kaname frowned. Her eyes flashed. She pulled back her lips and showed her teeth "I don't want noble." She poked him hard in the chest. "I don't need protecting." She put her finger on his nose. "You do your sacrificing for your own sake." She kicked him lightly in the shin. "I... want... you!" her each word was punctuated by a shake of his body. After catching her breath, she added something in a quiet voice. "And, I want to be kissed."

Sousuke just looked down at her, his face awash in conflicting emotions. It was one thing to do a lot of thinking. It was another thing altogether to be faced with the object of your desires. The mind was willing, but the flesh was weak. Kaname was right.

"Well, Sousuke?" Kaname eyes pleaded with him.

"I should be headed back to my apartment now..." Sousuke's words hit Kaname like the blunt end of an axe. She suddenly felt numb. "There is something I should do first." Sousuke lifted her chin, bent over, and gave Kaname a soft kiss on the lips.

He tried to pull away. Kaname came to life. That bastard! Where had he learned to be so sneaky! Tease her will he? She threw her arms around his neck. "That was pitiful, sergeant. Really bad. We have a lot of work to do!" She couldn't keep a straight face. Her smile said it all.

"Affirmative."


End file.

Full Metal Panic