RWBY 1. Chapter Title That Nobody Reads

**_Chapter Title That Nobody Reads_**

_"Deep and mysterious quote in italics that precedes the chapter..."_

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><p><strong>AN: In BOLD, cuz that's how I get your attention yo! This is the part I comically argue with myself - No I don't, shut up! - See!? You do this every time! - _Dude_, we're already losing readers with this arguing! - SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! - ...Jeez, _Weiss Reacts_ much? ****Or this can be the part I say cute THINGS! _Ponies!_**

**And _now_ I neg my work cuz people _do_ that for some reason even though their stuff is AWESOME :'( seriously, you don't have to read this... There are much better works out there, you can still hit the back button! Or the X button! Or the power button!**

**...**

**Ah well, if you've read this far then I guess I should come clean. This fic (likely to be a oneshot) is an idea I got from making up terrible fic names in my other work, The Valean War. All it took was a suggestion from an interested reviewer to actually write one of these parodies and _whamo_, here we are!**

**Okay! Author's Note, check! Now to get to the good stuff (if you haven't skipped my lame A/N already)...**

**Let's see... How do all these fics start again? Ah yes...**

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><p>Jaune was having a bad day.<p>

A _very_ bad day.

_CRASH!_

"YAAAHHHHH-OOF!"

"I can't believe I just fell out of a perfectly decent third story window for _this!_"

"Well _you're_ the one who gave Pyrrha a nosebleed!"

"_Me!? You_ were half-naked!"

"Agh! There's no way this day could get any _worse!_"

* * *

><p><span><em>Earlier...<em>

First, it started with the recurring dream. Team JNPR and several other Beacon teams had recently finished their bout against an unsavory bunch of Grimm in the city of Vale about a day or so ago... Jaune couldn't tell, he'd been out of it for a while after another hard day's work of slashing the creatures of darkness back into oblivion. But now, he was dreaming that he was back in the melee!

Though _this_ time, he was up the creek without a paddle, lost in space without a trace, stuck in poop without a scooper... Meh.

He didn't have his weapon.

Monsters of Grimm were laughing maniacally all around him with large white moustaches, threatening the one thing in the world he held most dear.

"..._Waffles!_"

Dashing over with a surge of his aura which was getting stronger by the week, he grabbed the box of waffles for dear life from the middle of the terrifying group, wrestling fiercely against any and all nay-sayers that tried to take away his delectable goodies!

"_No!_ Leggo my Eggoes!"

_Rip!_

And watching his golden beauties suddenly break free from their cardboard shackles under the tension, he fell to his knees as he watched the monsters devour his sweet treats right in front of him.

"Nooo! Whyyyhyhyyy! Why couldn't it be me!"

Sinking his face in between his hands, he sobbed uncontrollably until a sudden shaking of his shoulders got his attention.

'_Jaune_...'

"Huh? *sniffle sniffle* Wha-?"

'_Jaune_.'

"S-Saber, is that you...?"

* * *

><p>"JAUNE!"<p>

"Wh-Wha- _WHOA!_"

Nothing, and I mean _nothing_, could've prepared him for what he was looking at now. Sitting on the side of his bed... looking over him with a piercing gaze...

Was _him_.

"Jaune."

_Yipes! It talks just like me!_

Jaune rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Nope. Still there. He tried again. No change. _This can't be happening! Well... Unless it's a Tuesday. Crazy stuff always happens on a Tuesday. But forget THIS weirdo dream, I'm out!_

And reaching under his bed, he pulled out Crocea Mors and quickly unsheathed the blade to his _other_ him's surprise who seemed to think Jaune was about to attack. But no, Jaune turns the blade on himself and is about to drive the cold steel into his abdomen before Fake-Jaune's arm shoots out with a burst of black aura to stop the suicidal teen. He then facepalms in realization before speaking up.

"This isn't _Inception_, you moron. You're going to kill yourself!"

"Ai!" Jaune shrieks as he sits up in fetal position and drags his blanket over his vulnerable blue onesie, "_Fake Me!_ Why are you so scary! And angsty! Where _is_ everybody!?"

Fake-Jaune now exhales sharply as he puts Crocea Mors down and examines the student. But Jaune was right, Fake-Jaune looked similar but different in subtle ways. Overall, a bit like the Green Gnome guy in that Amazing Man-Spider movie he had recently seen with Pyrrha. His hair was a bit longer and greasier, as if he hadn't been near a shower in weeks, he had bags underneath his slightly reddened eyes, but his armor was _way_ more awesome!

"Look, Jaune," he begins, trying to keep his calm, "this _isn't_ a dream. You may have saved Vale, but it was all only a distraction!"

"A wha-?"

_Slap!_

"A _distraction! _Pay attention!"

"Ow! Fake Me, why'd you hit me! Where's my team!"

"Ughhh, how'd I even _survive_ high school!" Fake-Jaune lamented, pinching the bridge of his nose for relaxing, "and why the heck am I even doing this, pinching one's nose _never_ helps to relax!"

"Yeah! Tell that to Weis-"

_Slap!_

"OW!"

"Stop derailing my dramatic intro! *_sigh_* I'm sorry man."

"It's okay..."

"Look, Pyrrha's out training and Ren is with Nora in Emerald Forest getting red sap for Professor Peach and her husband Professor Mario for extra credit, alright?"

"Okay, okay... _next_ time just start your intro with _that_- FINE, OKAY!"

Jaune cut himself off when he saw Fake-Jaune raise his hand for another slap.

"Alright. As I was saying, all of this has been a distraction, Jaune. All the criminal activity and dust robbery last semester and the breach of the city this semester turns out to be a means to an end, a way to get the whole world focused on these little battles to get completely blindsided by the _real_ problem..."

Jaune's curiosity piqued, he couldn't help but get curious.

"What is it?"

"_Armageddon_."

"..."

"*_Gasp!_* Ohmygosh, you mean Remnant's about to get _destroyed!?_"

"No!" Fake-Jaune responds irritably, "Armageddon, you know, like that movie from the nineties..."

"Oh, you mean the one with the Yippee Ki-Yay guy and the other dude, Uh..." Jaune spaces out, snapping his fingers repeatedly as if it helps, "who was it?"

"Daredevil-"

"_Daredevil!_ Yeah, he dates Stevie Tyler's kid!"

"Liv."

"Oh, right! Ah, the good ol' days..." Jaune adds dreamily until a sudden realization hits him like a-

"_Wait_. Remnant's about to get hit by a _meteor!?_"

"That's right, genius. Any day now, actually."

"But that's impossible!" Jaune states with total conviction, "Events like that only happen on _Thursdays_ and I'm pretty sure after _last_ Thursday we shouldn't be expecting anything 'Eventful' for a while!"

"Think again." Fake-Jaune retorts before leaning closer to his less scary counterpart, "Welcome to the _Off-Season_."

Jaune's eye-widening and ensuing gasp is long and dramatic.

"...S-So where do _you_ come in, Fake Me?"

"Jaune. I _am_ you. But from the _future_..."

"WHAT! That... is so awesome!"

Fake-Jaune can't help but crack a smirk.

"Yeah, it _is_ kinda awesome," but he quickly resumes his emo intensity before continuing, "But Jaune, when the meteor hits, it ejects a strange material all over our world's atmosphere. Where I come from, we name it Phazon. This heavily radioactive material causes a rift between dimensions and changes _everything _about our reality, essentially bringing about a Crossover-pocalypse and starting a war between a Remnant split between light and dark that's lasted eight years so far."

"Eight? Why is it always eight with this time-travel hooey?"

"Shut. Up."

"Sorry."

"Jaune... I'm the last Arc of the Order of Light. Only a few warriors remain... And we are losing. As we speak, Sentinels of darkness close in on my snowy mountain base in my time period where my physical body is located and will destroy me and my team without a moment's hesitation."

"Wait... What?" Jaune asks as his counterpart checks the windows and crevices around the room.

"Yes. My- _our_ consciousness has been sent back through time with the aid of a Huntress named Kitty."

"You mean Blake?"

"No! _Kitty!_ Ellen Page!"

"Oh."

"But there _is_ another Huntress named Blake who's guarding us outside the snowy mountain base."

"Oh, so _that's_ Blake?"

"Nope. She goes by Blink. She teleports."

"Hmm."

Future-Jaune furrows his brows at the response.

"Whaddaya mean, '_Hmm_'?"

"Oh, nothing. I just would've thought it might've been different."

"Like how?"

"Like maybe you were given a second chance at life after falling off a cliff or something."

_Slap!_

"Ow! _C'mon_, I'm just sayin!... Your reality is _so_ confusing."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

Finally feeling somewhat more at ease with this strange guy despite the constant beating, Jaune gets up out of bed and stretches with a yawn.

"Okay then, if you're here, who's calling the shots where you're at? Heh... Lemme guess, Professor Xavier?"

"Cute. But no," Fake- wait. _Future_-Jaune responds as he leans on a nearby wall, "We're being led by the Sunfire General."

"_The Sunflower General?_"

"_No!_" The exasperated Future-Jaune chides, "_Never_ say that name again, the universe has had enough crossovers already!"

"Jeez, okay."

"The _Sunfire_ General, a lilac-eyed blonde warrior who at a young age loses her family but is given a powerful alien armor suit with an arm-cannon for an arm to combat the dark forces of Remnant and their Space Pirate goons."

"Hmm... Kinda sounds like Yang."

"Not where _I_ come from. After the meteor strikes, her name becomes Barbara Aran."

"Whoa..."

"Yep. So _our_ job is to stop this thing from ever hitting Remnant!"

"Yeah... Yang with gauntlets is bad enough. Yang with a whole _suit_ of armor? Eesh..." He shudders at the thought.

"That's what I thought the first time, too..." Future-Jaune adds with an identical shudder of his own, "So, first order of business, let's get into decent day-clothes!"

And so, the identical duo begin to undress, the younger Jaune slipping out of his onesie down to his black boxers and Future-Jaune out of his intricate white body armor which merely mecha-shifts into metal fore-arm gauntlets while Jaune goes through the closet to pick out their outfits.

_Knock, knock,_ "Coming in!"

But just when the two Jaunes are at their most vulnerable, the door opens to reveal a tired post-workout Pyrrha who's dabbing her face with a tan towel and her skin around her form-fitting white exercise sports bra and dark red jogging short-shorts. Of course, due to her usual modesty during normal day hours, Jaune had never seen her in so... _little_... her form and exposed tummy so defined without her armor and legs bare all the way down to her bronze Nike Mercurials, her lustrous red hair down and tied back with only a scrunchie. She had the body of a goddess.

But all of that couldn't compare to Pyrrha's surprise when she saw not one, but _two_ toned and defined Jaunes in nothing but their undergarments, a view of her crush that she'd never expected to see so candidly which promptly caused her to faint with a considerable nosebleed.

Jaune himself was losing consciousness with a slight nosebleed at the sight of her heavenly toned figure before being caught by Future-Jaune who's desperately trying to fan him.

"Snap out of it, man! Think of zits and old people! Zits and old people!"

"Wai- Wha-? Zits... Old... Professor Port!" Jaune cries out as he suddenly shoots up straight, "YUCK! Thanks, Future Me..."

"No problem..." Future-Jaune replies, "but I'm surprised you couldn't handle just the sight of her like that. In the war, she and I accidentally bump into each other on several occasions after hitting the showers before we eventually get together... haven't you given her a massage yet?"

Jaune blushes profusely, his nose about to gush again.

"W-Wait... What!"

"Uh, yeah. It turns out we give _awesome_ massages..."

"Wait, how do you know that?" Jaune asks with some worry.

"Well it all started one day in Beacon with Yang and a backache... And let's just say it escalated from there," Future-Jaune leaves it open-ended on purpose, making his younger self blush even harder as he continues, "and not just with one girl... but _several!_"

Jaune's system goes on overdrive with the thought. Impossible, right? Who would even _imagine_ such a scenario!?

"Our massages are _that_ good?"

"Apparently, but what we found out was that it seems to cause really similar effects to Pheremone dust, though..."

"Aw then HECK NO."

* * *

><p>The stories changed about how Jaune had come into contact with pheromone dust earlier that year since the incident had muddled the blonde's memory. Some said it was a prank, a few others, a misdelivered vial, and an even smaller group still, through a heroic attempt to stop a dust robbery in Vale.<p>

In reality, it was due to a chemistry experiment gone terribly, terribly wrong.

Jaune and his red-cloaked fellow leader were working on an assignment from Professor Goodwitch's class when the high dust concentration in the air made the Ruby sneeze, coating the blonde in a cloudy concoction of the open dust vials she dropped which ignited at his feet and bonded on him to form pheromone dust.

Over the next two days, chaos had ensued. Nearly all of his admittedly attractive friends were now fighting for his more intimate attentions along with half the female population in Beacon. He was chased down every hall and walkway, matters only getting worse when said females actually confronted each other.

Let's just say, big things got broken.

And then, having been exposed to larger quantities of the dust as his roommate, even Ren had started losing his mind...of course until Nora slapped him out of it. With the blunt end of Magnihild. The dust, however, seemed to have no effect on her.

As bad turned to worse, the fiasco had even threatened to destroy the academy until the Headmaster finally reached the blonde knight, forcefully feeding him the antidote. Thankfully, everyone was more than happy afterwards to put those events behind them. In a cold, forgotten place. Never to be spoken of again.

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><p>Future-Jaune was having the same flashback, but of course he chuckles at the whole thing unlike his younger counterpart who still shudders at the memory.<p>

But still, thinking about the events which had just transpired, he adds quizzically, "But why on Remnant do you guys get nosebleeds like that?"

"Well... uh... you see, when there's something you see that you kinda get a weird feeling for-"

"_Okay_. Got it! Definitely not what happens where I come from..."

"What happens?"

"Nothing that I didn't notice was happening already, hehe."

"What!?" Jaune now squeaks, blushing crimson while dressing as fast as his limbs will allow.

"Well uh, you had a little Fruit threatening to bust out of the Loom just now, if ya know what I mean..." Future-Jaune mentions with a taunting chuckle and a wink.

"You little-!"

"Oh c'mon, relax!" Future-Jaune holds a hand out placatingly as he puts on a pair of jeans, "Back where I come from, when a guy and girl feel that way for each other, they get together and enjoy that feeling until they-"

"_Come! _On!" A voice calls out from the hallway, "How many times do I have to tell Pyrrha only to look at her Jaune photo collection at _nigh_- oh. Uh, Ren?~ ..._Ren!_"

The hammer-wielder is currently trying her very best not to freak out while curtly calling her usually stoic partner. But even Ren has difficulty keeping his cool as he now notices _two_ of Jaune wide-eyed.

"What... the... we leave you for one hour, Jaune... just _one_ hour... And _this?_"

"Bail?" Future-Jaune suggests while turning to his younger counterpart.

"We bail!" Jaune shouts as Ren and Nora try to advance to capture them with burlap sacks they had just produced from thin air, pulling Future-Jaune back as he envelops the two with his white aura and crashes out of their dorm window.

_CRASH!_

"YAAAHHHHH-OOF!"

"I can't believe I just fell out of a perfectly decent third story window for _this!_" Future-Jaune complains as they evade grenades from Magnihild filled with sleeping gas.

How did Nora even _get_ those?

"_You're_ the one who gave Pyrrha a nosebleed!"

"_Me!? You_ were half-naked!"

No arguing with _that_... But the thought now only reminds Jaune of Pyrrha's gorgeous _everything!_ Uh-oh, another drop of noseblood...

"Agh! There's no way this day could get any _worse!_"

...

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><p><strong>Mmm... Meh. I gave it a go and got bored. I hope you're happy, Warmach1ne32! Now to post this thing and get back to writing The Valean War-<strong>

"Stop right there! Have you gone _mad!?_"

**...Velvet? That you?**

"_No_, you cretin! Blake!"

**Wait... _Whaaat?_**

"D-Don't do it, Savage-kun, please!"

**Velvet! You're here in my room too!**

"Yes, we're _both_ here, Savvy. Look, I just came all this way using _this_ here Core Drill and _this_ girl's semblance for breaking fourth walls... You CAN'T just end this oneshot like that!"

**Well, Blake. That's... A heck of a thing to say. You both look _incredible_ by the way.**

"Thank you."

"Thanks, Savage-kun!"

**But I have to end it here.**

_SHING!_

**...I do NOT have to end it here! Oh _wow_, Gambol Shroud at my neck, heh! And wait... Velv, are you holding a _Brute Shot!?_**

"Why of course, Savage-kun! I acquired it after defeating a large astronaut who seemed to have serious c-communication problems while we were crossing a few RT universes t-to get to yours!"

**Wait... Are you telling me the two of you _killed AGENT MAINE!?_**

"Maimed... Crippled... Killed... just _words _people throw around, Savvy. He was pretty messed up already. Velvet's Grif Shot is just a small talisman to show what we've been through to get here."

**Nice, Blake. Now you guys are siding with _Grif_ on weapon names. Juuust _peachy! _Look... just cuz you can break the fourth wall with Elf-san don't mean you can pull that off with _me_.**

"But you confessed your fanboy status to _me_ in your last fic, remember?"

**Aw, _crapberries_. You telling me you were breaking the fourth wall that whole time!?**

"That's right, sweetie..."

**Stop. Stop it. Stop that cat grin! It's too adorable! Agh, FINE! I'll add some more!**

"Yay! Now I don't have to f-frag-grenade you, Savage-kun! I don't!"

**...**

"Tell you what, I'll help write the rest, 'kay Savvy?"

**Very well, but the powers that _be_ dictate _consequences_. Velvet, you must choose between your fourth wall abilities and Grif Sho-**

"I ch-choose the Grif Shot!"

**Hmm. That was easy. Back to the RWBY-verse with you!**

_Shoonk!_

"Aiii...! Savage-kunnn...!"

**Okay. And what say _you_, Belladonna? Fourth wall, or a main character role in TGTGKAAFINODPBALV?**

"What?"

**Oh. That's a terrible abbreviation. Sorry, would you like to break the fourth wall at the cost of staying a little black cat when returning to _The Games The Grimm Knight and A Friend In Need of Divergence Play Before a Pyrrhic Victory?_ Or would you prefer a central role in the fic?**

"Yeah. You poor soul, I think you'll need the help. Scoot over, I'm getting in bed so we can share your iPad."

**You're doing _WHAT?_**

"You heard me, Dandelion. I didn't stutter. You never write fics unless you're at work or on your bed. And it's currently 2 AM. I'm getting in your bed to finish this chapter with you... Heh, you're kinda cute when you blush..."

**Shush! J-Just stop it! I'm older than you and I can tell you what to do!**

"Not by much. I'm closing in on second year in Beacon and I just turned 18."

**Well we're NOT sharing my bendjfjfiej ebsbsk aokJdhaNkKoOo**

**"And let's see... Turning off your god voice, cuz that's annoying..."**

**Fi-**Fine. Better?

"Much! Let's do this..."

* * *

><p>"Jaune... I think things just got worse."<p>

"What? What do you mean _wors_- uh-oh."

And looking up, both Jaunes watched the Remnant sky turn red and then an eerie cobalt blue as the giant glowing meteor careened into the atmosphere. Knowing he didn't have much time, Jaune turned towards his future self.

"Future Me! We're too late!"

"I didn't go back far enough..." He lamented as the large glowing object got closer.

"But we can still fix this! You know how the war goes!"

"Fine!" The older knight calls out as the object that sounds like a thousand airships is becoming ever so closer, "first you'll need to find The Gamer Sage, a wise Bulletproof Monk who can can give you the abilities of the Gamer! But you must be quick, because your window of opportunity is small, and I missed it! Without the Gamer abilities, it took me a _year_ before I found Barb and Carolina!"

"_Who?_"

"Umm... Yang and Pyrrha!"

"Okay, what about everyone else!"

"Those three _first! _I'm sorry Jaune, but many others were turned in the rift... Nora became the dark and powerful Lady Thor, a general to the dark side of Remnant, along with the Schnee heiress who will soon rise to become none other than Darth Snowflake!"

"And what about Ruby!"

"I'm sorry Jaune... I don't know!"

"Ohmygosh..."

And one more thing!" Future-Jaune frantically tries to speak over the unbearable noise as the tip of the glowing blue asteroid disappears behind the horizon, "I know you'll want to trust him, but once you're on the other side, do _not_ go to Ozpin! He's become demented! Don't look for him with your _eyes_, don't be careless with your _eyes_, and most importantly, don't look him in the _eyes!_"

And that's when Jaune notices for the first time... his future self's eyes aren't the Arc family's distinctive blue anymore... they are brown.

"W-Why!?"

"Because he-"

-_OOOOOM!_

The meteor made contact, drowning everything in sound and white light for only a second before Jaune's whole world went black.

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><p><strong>BN: Al_right!_ This is BeautifulNinjaCatgirl signing out! Bye, Peoples! Gnite, Savvy!**

**A/N: Aaand well, that was a thing. At least I have a bed to myself after all this... but I don't know if I got in enough references :'( Oh! I know! I'll add previews! Hehehe...**

**In the (Alternate Future):**

**...**

"Question: if you're a consciousness, how do other people see you?"

"Uh, it's complicated. You can think of me like a ghost. Or AI."

"Like Church?"

"...yeah. Like Church."

...

"Ack! Dam-"

*_Beep_*

"Uh, what was that."

*_Salutations! Welcome to the iNavigate, Special Penny Edition!_*

"Whoa! Isn't that the girl Ruby talked about a lot? She's a hologram on your wrist!"

"That's right, complete with both necessary and unnecessary censorshi-*_Beep_* ...ugh, shi_p_, with a _P!_ that was _Unnecessary_, Penny! ...But she's _awesome_ at playing X-Box, though!"

...

"Dude, are you _high!?_ Cuz trust me, I've seen Blake on catnip and that girl was stoned out of her mind! ...But _your_ story gives even her dissertation on how ceiling fans can explain Faunus history a run for its money!"

...

"Are you sure you know where you're going?"

"Duh! I got iNavigate's RPS - Remnant Positioning System!"

*_Make left in 2.8 sandwiches... while turning clockwise_*

"_Penny_..."

*_My apologies!_*

"We're lost..."

"No, we're _not_."

*_Turn missed... recalculating_*

"MOTHERF-"

*_Beep_*

...

"Are you kidding! The idea of figuring out precisely _when_ anything happens from a different place and time period is like trying to hit a bullet, with a smaller bullet, whilst wearing a blindfold, riding a horse!"

...

"_My_ name is Roman Pattel!"

"Are you a pirate?"

"Yeah, cuz you're dressed like a pirate."

"Seriously, kid? Pirates are _in_ this year."

...

"Fine! Call me an Ice Queen! or Bossy! Or small-chested! Say whatever you want. You can call me all these insults, HAH, but what does that make _you?_"

"...Captain Obvious."

...

"The Lady _suffers not_ from insanityyy!~ The Lady enjoys every minute of it!~"

...

"_Jaune!_ You take off that Mariachi costume! Right! _NOW!_"

"I sorry, no comprendo. I not Juane. I Juan. Now listen to my magical maracas!"

"..._Darn it, Jaune!_"

...

"Sea Monkeyyy~ SEA MONKEYYY~"

...

"_Henceforth_, you shall be known as... Darth... _Snowflake_. Hehehe! Rise, Lord Snowflake..."

...

"Argh! Are you seriously telling me that Remnant's greatest assassin is _actually_ a tub of Neapolitan Ice Cream!?"

"Well _I_ don't know! I just went to go get a burrito and _poof_, there it is!"

"And, statistics show that the death rate from ice cre-"

"SHUT UP!"

**...**

**A/N2: And that's the previews! Haha still not enough tropes and stuff but hey, it's fun to try :) Agh! Ptu! Dumb cat hairs! _Blaaake_... Anyways, I got other stories in my profile like this one and The Valean War if you wanna check em out, and who knows... submit your favorite references, ideas, tropes or just good ol' support and I might continue with this fic too! ;D It's up to you, dear reader!**

**Tell me what you think if convenient. If inconvenient, tell me anyway ;)**

**Take care, till next time!**

**And Happy Reading!**


	2. You're back? Cool hello!

**You're Back? Cool. Hello!**

_"May Monty smile upon thee  
>For having read this decree<br>And for faving, following, or reviewing me  
>Or my story..." <em>

_-SavageDandelion aka ThePhantomScribe_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Well... Crapberries. I wanted it to be a oneshot, I really did. But all day at work my head's been flooded with quotes and stuff. *Le Sigh* Meh. I'll let this one go where the arc takes it (heh, no pun intended). If you want a hint... Let's just say this fic will pretty much be - Jaune Arc vs. the World ;) Eh? Eh?**

**So in any case, I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

><p>*<em>Wake up<em>*

*_Wake up, Chief... I need you..._*

"Ugh..." Future-Jaune finally comes to, flat on his back and arching his head up to see a little green hologram of a freckled young woman standing over his chest.

"Penny... How many times have I told you not to call me that?"

Hologram-Penny seems to take a moment to process.

*_Seventeen times!_* the projection exclaims with a dutifully satisfied grin but seems to show some faltering as she continues, *_Erm... But Jaune, your title IS Chief, is it not?_*

He sighs again as the question reminds him of the war he's fought for so long, and to re-engage his mecha-shifting armor. No use trying to blend in anymore when the whole world's been turned upside down.

"Fair enough. Just don't wake me like that again... It makes me feel like I've been out for four years and seven months or something."

*_Excellent!_* Penny now continues with renewed mirth, *_I see your long term memory has remained intact! Capability to understand references still at optimal levels!_*

"Yea. Thank you, Cortana. So, was there something you actually needed me for?"

*_Why yes, yes there is!_* She mentions, motioning with her hand at the unconscious heap at his feet, *_My readings indicate your younger counterpart is cutting off your circulation under your knees. I'll need you to move to avoid lasting injuries!_*

"Oh. That explains why I can't feel my toes."

And getting up slowly, he now does his best to rouse his younger self, lifting up the white knight from a small pool of the younger blonde's own drool.

"W-Waffles?" Jaune slowly says as he finally begins to stir.

Future-Jaune sighs, "Seriously? Is this gonna become a running gag with you or something?"

"Eh? Hm? Okay, I'm up..." And rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Jaune looks around for the first time, "Hmm. Well _this_ is a bit different."

Indeed it is. All around the pair of warriors is a landscape that looked similar yet couldn't be any more the opposite. The sky, once the normal day-time blue, now rippled with darker blues and purples due to the foreign energy in the atmosphere all around them. And also, the forest was gone. Completely.

"It's a wasteland around here..."

"Yeah. Be glad we were _outside_ the blast radius when the asteroid hit..." Future-Jaune now begins as he turns to make his way back towards Beacon... or what might've been Beacon at some point. The entire place looks like a ton of ruins.

"...The rift has changed the landscape, creating glimpses of a Remnant that never happened or could've become. At least the parts that weren't destroyed on impact... Vacuo was hit directly by it. You won't meet many people from those parts anymore."

"Wait," Jaune now stops in his tracks, his eyes narrowing in realization, "Doesn't this remind you of that one video game where the asteroid hits the planet and splits it between two dimensions? What was that place called... uh... Aether! Yeah!"

"_Dude_." Future-Jaune begins after facepalming, "You heard _nothing_ of what I had said before all this? We're in the beginning of a crossover-pocalipse... this is _exactly_ like that game!"

"Oh." And just then, Jaune steps against a stone, jamming his foot in a rock and nearly twisting his ankle which causes him to yelp in pain.

"Ack! Dam-" *_Beep_*

"Uh, what was that." He asks, startled by the sudden interjection. And to his surprise, a small green projection of a girl appears over Future-Jaune's hand.

*_Salutations! Welcome to the iNavigate, Special Penny Edition!_*

"Whoa! Isn't that the girl Ruby talked about a lot? She's a hologram on your wrist! So cool!"

In a rare show of pride, Future-Jaune grins warmly at the praise, "That's right, complete with both necessary _and_ unnecessary censorshi-*_Beep_*

He sternly glares at the his holographic companion, "...ugh, shi_p_, with a _P! _that was _Unnecessary_, Penny! ...But she's _awesome_ at playing X-Box, though!"

"Hehe, so she's like a 'Noobslaya' or something?"

*_Affirmative. Gamerscore already increased by 4500 after recent release of Halio: Master Collection_*

"Wait. What! That's all _four-hundred fifty_ achievements! That game barely came out a few _days_ ago!"

"Exactly."

Jaune's jaw remains dropped until he regains enough composure to make a few corrections, "Well _firstly_, the game name is said different, and _secondly_, I'm pretty sure the word 'Chief' is in there somewhere too."

"Grr..."

*_I was quite aware,_* Penny begins curtly, *_But Mister Arc chooses to avoid said title-_*

"-Because there's only _one_ Chief I acknowledge," Future-Jaune explains with what almost seems like nostalgia, "and that's Master Chief. And right now, we need to find her before it's too late... To do _that_, we'll need the Gamer Sage."

"Or else it'll be a year till you find her, right?"

"Exactly. And by then, the war will have already begun."

Jaune now follows his future self as they resume making their way towards the Beacon Ruins.

"So..." He begins awkwardly after a short silence, "I'm guessing she was important to the war?"

His future self sighs again without turning around before answering, "Yes. She was... until she died in action a few years later. I intend to save Carolina from that fate, and if I only had maps and stats - like from an RPG - I could've been strong enough to protect her. And the one place I never searched for the sage was in Beacon itself. So let's go."

They enter the courtyard and pass a ruined fountain, and soon a ruined statue. As Jaune notices the warped figures on the statue who were once so important in a time of war but were now unable to be recognized, he can't help asking.

"So uh... what do you- I mean- what do _I _become in the war?"

"Well," Future-Jaune begins as he stops just outside the main entryway of the battered academy, "as Penny inferred, you indeed become a Chief during World War II-"

"World War TWO?"

"_Yea_... We already had a Great War, the one with our great-great gramps, next one is World War II," Future-Jaune explains casually, "Oh, and the first war is just called World War I now..."

*_And many fighters also call your future-self Doc!_* the green hologram chips in before catching herself.

"Wait. 'Doc' as in Chief Medical Officer DuFresne!" Jaune couldn't help the reference... if he obtained the ability to be like the medic from his favorite machinima series, that'd be _awesome_... right?

"_No._" Future-Jaune replies sternly, "It came from the initials DR... An old 'infamous' reference coined when the Order of Light discovered my true semblance..."

"Whose were the initials?" The young knight wonders aloud with increasing curiosity.

"His name was Delsin Ro-"

* * *

><p>"Hey, Savage."<p>

Oh! Hey, Blake... You know you just interrupted a very important plot point, right?

"Does it matter? You've been sitting on this chapter for _days_. What've you been up to?"

Umm... Uhh... *_sigh_* Watching Hindi movies.

"What's Hindi?"

A foreign language. At least to me. But hey, that's Bollywood for ya, heh!

"And... what's that?"

Uhm, really deep emotional films from another culture that are at times romanticized, or stylized... Depends on the story.

"..."

*_Facepalm_* Really, really good love stories! There!

"...Hmm. Doubt it's better than Ninjas of Love, but you've piqued my curiosity. Scoot over, let's watch some."

UGH, _again_ with the bed sharing!?

_Several Bollywood Films Later..._

"*_sniff sniff_* That... Was incredibly heart-wrenching..."

Saawarya will do that to ya...

"Apparently. As did Lagaan, Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, Bride and Prejudice, and Mohabbatein... I think Aishwarya Rai is a bit overrated, though."

What!? No way, she's like _super_ gorgeous! Most beautiful woman in the world hands down!

*_glare_*

"Ugh, you _would _say that. I'm not just going by _looks_, Dandelion. How shallow."

Uh-huh. _I'm_ being shallow with my favorite character choice, eh? This coming from the girl who reads _Ninjas of Love _smut.

"*_Hiss_* It's not _smut!_"

Hehe, I know! It's actually not that bad - a novelized account of love and war between rival clans in an oppressive era of hate and discrimination. Except the steamy parts are really... _descriptive._ Kinda like Romeo and Juliet meets Arabian Nights. Eesh.

"Wait, you actually _read_ it?"

Yep. How can I describe it? Hmm... It's a love story... Wrapped in a harem... Stuffed in a clan war... Deep fried in steamy encounters and dipped in fluffy chocolate.

"...And with just one sentence you get me to hate you and love you at the same time."

I take that as a compliment! It actually inspired my other fic which I might publish someday: _The Shining Arc's Pain as Team RWBY Reacts to Massages of Vermilion_. Pretty much a parody harem on all those harems out there. Hehe.

"You're insane."

Yep! So let's get back to this fic, yea?

"Let's see what you got so far..."

...

"Meh. Sub-par. I'll take it from here."

WHAT! Why you- s;iuhIUBEDB IUdf sbdd... seriously. Again with the bed-top wrestling to steal my tablet? And I figured if I'm going to continue this I might as well put some story into it...

"Hehehe~ I derive considerable enjoyment from watching you blush... and I like this iPad. Anywho, now for some _action_, Motherf-"

* * *

><p>"<em>Father<em> of all Arcs! What was that!?" Jaune shrieks as the small group dodges a huge energy blast that shatters an entryway column next to where they were standing.

_BLAM!_

"Impossible..." Future-Jaune remarks as he evades yet another energy strike, "_pink_ Ki... I've only ever seen it with-"

"Spinning Mana Arrow! Spinning Mana Arrow! Spinning Mana Arrow!" A shrouded figure yells before launching three more blasts their way and diving behind the ruined statue.

_BAM! BAM! BAM!_

*_Ominous presence detected!_*

"Thank you _so_ much for the heads up, Penny!" Jaune exclaims sarcastically before catching a glimpse of their attacker, "Wait... _Future Me_, I know who it is!"

"_Jaune! _Don't be stupid!" Future-Jaune shouts as his younger self suddenly drops his weapons and walks out to the statue.

"Stop!" The knight now shouts in the middle of the clearing, "we mean you no harm!"

And no sooner does he say that when a green-coated hooded figure with white trousers screeches to a halt in front of him.

"Is that so?" He begins and then pauses for a moment, still glowing with pink energy, "Hmm... You don't seem like one of the Black Summoners. Call out your friends and I might let you live to explain yourself."

"C'mon guys, you heard him!" Jaune calls out, now a little nervous as he directs himself to his teammate who still doesn't seem to recognize him, "Hey, you don't know who I am?"

As Future-Jaune approaches hands-up along with his green projection doing the same action, the figure lifts his hood to reveal a waist-long black ponytail framing familiar features and magenta eyes.

"No. I don't." The young man responds, "I would remember 'Tall, Blonde and Scraggly'. Who are _you _three?"

"My name is Jaune Arc," Future-Jaune begins, "Chief of the Order of Light, sworn to defeat the forces of Dark Remnant and restore balance to our world."

*_And my name is Penny, the Special Edition iNavigate Hologram!_*

"And I... uh," the last of the three starts to hesitate, knowing that saying the same name again could end in lots of agony, "my _name_ is... um, Juan."

"_Juan?_" The three listeners ask in unison.

"Y-Yea! Juan."

"...Very well, come with me," Jaune's apparent ex-teammate states as he beckons them into the inner Beacon courtyard.

But as soon as they pass the threshold into the roof-less ruined academy, the three outsiders notice a few unsettling changes.

"Um, wasn't it day-time when we first got here?" Jaune wonders aloud as he looks up at a night-time sky around a wide soundless valley that _definitely_ couldn't be Beacon anymore, "Kinda reminds me of that Nightfall cutscene in that one video game..."

*_Halio?_*

"_Not_ how you say it!" Jaune corrects before turning his attention to their guide, "Hey! Where are we? You know who we are, so why don't you fill us in?"

"...Some people call it a rift," the young man begins, "But _I_ call it an Illusion Barrier. And you see, I would've believed who you three are, except for the fact that the other blonde called _you_ Jaune when you were in the courtyard."

Then turning around, he suddenly produces two light-green pistols in each hand pointed at both Jaunes. StormFlower.

"I'll give you _one_ more chance to explain."

"Alright," Jaune states, holding both arms out placatingly, "But you have to listen to me. What I'm about to tell you sounds crazy but the longer I talk the more rational it's going to appear."

"..."

"Sorry, I've always wanted to say that..."

At the sound of the young man disengaging the safeties, Future-Jaune butts in, "Hey, hey. You'll have to forgive my friend, he's a little _slow_. What we're trying to say is that we're _both_ Jaune Arc... I was sent back in time to stop a war that's coming, and it's coming soon."

"...So what are you, a Terminator here to change history?"

"Uh. No. Kinda. More like, An Alternate Start..."

*_And a Darker Hero!_* Penny chimes in, earning a glare from the older blonde.

"And _I'm _nobody important, hehe," Jaune begins again, "I'm just a Dorky Knight and he's my Silent Bodyguard."

"I'm not silent, idiot. What, you think I'm a Mute Arc?"

*_Point is!_* Penny begins after watching the young man holding the guns beginning to twitch, *_Somewhere out there, we have A Friend in Need! Several, actually... But we are here to help avoid war and we mean you no harm._*

Finally putting his guns down, the green-coated young man merely sighs and pinches his nose in an effort to relax.

"Oh, The Games We Play~. There is no way that Black Summoners would be this _stupid_... And for some reason, everything you three said seems to make some weird kind of sense. What do you guys think?"

Trading a moment of confused glances, Penny and both Jaunes turn to see who the recipients of the last question really are as they step into the Illusion Barrier: a short witch with pink hair and a broom and a very large buff guy wearing a wolf hide over his head. Wolf Hide speaks first.

"No sign of deception. I believe them."

"I'm with Dylan!" the youthfully spirited witch adds, "And moreover, I find the young blonde kinda cute! And toned, too! Dorky Knight, eh? How about I give you _my_ services as Bodyguard, courtesy from The Witch of Carnage! I'd _love_ to guard your body with any, means, necessary..." She adds with a wink and hungry grin that sends a deep blush through her victim.

Dylan merely shakes his head while everyone else facepalms. She has a thing for younger guys.

"*_sigh_* Observe." the green-coated figure suddenly states while staring at Jaune, causing him and his partners to become startled.

"Wha-"

"Shh! Don't interrupt while he's doing his _thing!_" the witch chides with mock sternness before flashing the blonde with another wink.

"Jaune Arc. Level Nine. Title, The White Knight." the stoic young man states monotonously as if he were reading but now seems to refocus on Jaune, "Hmm. You speak the truth. Your path is noble... My name is Chunbumoon Lie-Ren, Headmaster of this establishment."

And at that moment, a million pieces seem to fall together at once in Jaune's mind, eliciting a loud gasp from the awed blonde.

"Of COURSE! How could I not see it! The Chunbumoon Clan!"

Ren, Dylan and the Witch merely stare at the blonde in confusion while Future-Jaune suddenly reaches a similar revelation and reaction, recalling an old manga he had read in his youth. Penny, however, merely looks up at her awed partner.

*_Has he met them previously? The possibility seems rather illogical._*

"No," Jaune cuts in. "He's one of the Chunbumoon, it makes so much sense! _Ren_, the second strongest fighter class under _Shinin_, over _Phanton, Yoma, _and _Human!_ Y-You're a Gamer-class Battle Mage!"

At this point, The White Knight is starry-eyed and practically floating around his partner but suddenly comes back to earth with another question.

"Wait, with Gamer-class abilities, shouldn't you be _Shinin_ ranked due to your limitless potential for cheapness?"

"It's not _cheap!_" the stoic exclaims, briefly losing his cool in a rare moment of offense but quickly recovering with a slight blush, "...okay, maybe a little. But my limits were capped when I tried to halt the Dark General's advance through our land, Lady Thor. She cursed me with a mighty blow from her grand weapon, Mjolnir-hild."

Jaune gapes at his counterpart in realization, "N-Nora!? It _can't _be!..."

"But what truly impresses _me, _Jaune-san," the stoic continues, "is _your_ Ability Class..."

"_Mine?_"

"Yes. _You_, Jaune of Arc... are a _Mimic_. The only other known _Shinin _rank Ability User to this very day."

Jaune turns once more to his older self with an incredulous raised brow.

"Uhh..."

"Remember when I was telling you about my nickname - Doc?" Future-Jaune finally begins flatly, "The initials stand for Delsin Rowe, one of the most well-known Mimics of all time. Kinda like Peter Petrelli from Heroes, except cooler."

"Waaaiiit..." Jaune drolly lets out as he slowly turns back to Ren who's now smirking knowingly, "Does that mean I could... and you could... _and I could copy it?_"

The ability to copy other peoples' powers and semblances over each other endlessly? Shinin rank, indeed...

Ren simply nods once at the question, "Yes. If there's anyone now who can thwart Lady Thor's quest for a dark apprentice and discover her master plan before it blooms into a fatal war... I believe it's you, Jaune-san. Come."

And beckoning him over, Ren and his allies watched as Jaune slowly made his way to him while glancing at his older counterpart.

"What do I do?" Jaune asks as he stands across his old partner. Future-Jaune fills in the blanks from behind.

"Hand of the side of his head. The other on his chest. Like you're unlocking his aura, except _you_, my stupid lucky self, will be _replicating_ it."

And following instructions, Jaune's white aura begins to flare out around the pair along with Ren's pink aura (or Ki), a dazzling show of light which soon dies down as quickly as it had started leaving both participants panting lightly.

"I don't feel any different..." Jaune finally begins, "just a lil' tired..."

But then-

_Ping!_

_Ping!_

**[A skill has been created through a special act!]**

**[A skill has been created through a special act!]**

"AAAAAH!" Jaune shrieks femininely as two blue translucent windows pop up in midair in front of him.

*_Oh dear! What is the matter with Jaune!_* Penny cries out, worried about his mental state. And estrogen levels.

But now the blonde is riveted to the anomalies staring him in the face.

"I. Can see. The Code..."

"*_ahem_* The _Game_."

"Thats what I _said_..." Jaune then swipes the windows with his fingers to get the rest of the message.

**[A Gamer's Mind (Passive) Lv MAX]**

**Allows the user to calmly and logically think things through. Allows peaceful state of mind. Immunity to Psychological status effects.**

_Ping!_

**[A Gamer's Body (Passive) Lv MAX]**

**Grants a body that allows for the user to live the real world like a game.**

"This is so past awesome..." Jaune states blankly before being bought back to reality by Ren.

"Alright, Jaune-san. Now I want to to watch me. Observe. Try to learn as much as you can by what you see..."

And Jaune did so. For a moment, he tried to strain his eyes but to no avail... but as soon as he blinked, he saw it. Right over Ren's head.

**VGHS Headmaster  
>{The Gamer}<br>Lv? Chunbumoon Lie-Ren**

And then he turned to each of his alles.

**Grand Warrior of The Witch of Carnage  
>{The Druid Warrior}<br>Lv? Brian "D" Dylan**

**Witch of Carnage  
>{The Sage}<br>Lv? Duchess of Kart**

"Waaaiiit a second..." Jaune remarks as his eyes narrow at the two familiar ally names, "Ren, you called yourself a Headmaster... what _of_, may I ask?"

"I thought you never _would_," the stoic responds with an uncharacteristic grin before lifting his hand to the air, "ID ESCAPE!"

_CRASH!_

And so, the imaginary world around them comes tumbling down like shattering glass, revealing a halfway decent school setting within the ruins of the Academy. But what caught the newcomers' eyes were what the grand majority of students were doing: playing games. Ren now raises his hands at the impressive sight.

"Welcome to Video Game High School!"

* * *

><p>"I knew it! I <em>knew<em> Brian and Duchess sounded familiar!"

Jaune maintained conversation with his older self while trying to avoid the clingy witch who was continuously trying to wrap her arms around his as the group walked down the massive ruined halls of the complex.

"Figues." Future-Jaune replies, "Games become an excellent way to train for an apocalypse like this. But a Gamer/VGHS crossover? ...Didn't see that one coming."

Jaune however, instead of paying attention is now trying to make out the silent message that Duchess, the Witch of Carnage, is tyring to get him to lip-read. He quickly gives up.

"Okay. _What_ are you trying to say!?"

In response, she merely leans in and whispers something in his ear that promptly sends a crimson blush through his body. Future-Jaune looks to his holographic companion with superior hearing for clarification.

*_Erm_...* Penny begins with hesitation, *_She just told him, 'I want to make you mine,' and went into detail of her proposed 'night of hot passion_'...*

"Oh." And feeling pity for his younger self in the face of alluring but unwanted attention, he calls out to the young Headmaster, "So Ren, why create a school like this?"

"Isn't it obvious?" the stoic responds casually, "to combat the monsters we fight out _there_, we train using the emulators we have in _here_. After using the emulators, the students train physically for real-world experience."

"Um, fighting a giant fire-breathing turtle counts as experience?" Jaune asks as they pass an entire group of students arduously training against the well-known beast.

"Oh, Bowser?" The witch begins with a devilish grin as she successfully manages to wrap a wandering hand around the blonde's waist, "Why yes, kill enough Koopas out there and the rest spawn Bowser as a mob boss!"

"Hands _off..._" Jaune states slowly while removing her hand before she could slip it under his jeans' waistband, '_She is SERIOUSLY way more touchy than Pyrrha...'_

"Really, do I _look_ like Han Jee-Han to you!"

"Well, he and us do kinda fit in the 'adorkable' category," Future-Jaune sheepishly admits.

"No matter," Ren begins again, "what's important now is that we- UNGH!"

And suddenly bending over in pain with a massive cough attack, Dylan and Duchess quickly make their way to the stoic's side as Jaune and his teammates desperately try to see what's wrong with the Chunbumoon Headmaster.

'_C'mon, Jaune, think!_' The blonde mentally riles himself as he strains his sight on Ren, '_There's gotta be a way to see what's wrong with him... FOCUS!_'

_Ping!_

**[A skill has been created through a special act.]**

"Yes!"

**[Through continuous observation, a skill to find the target's information, 'Observe', has been created.]**

"Good enough! Observe!"

* * *

><p><strong>Name: Chunbumoon Lie-Ren<strong>

**Class: {The Gamer}  
>Gender: Male<br>Job: Principal  
>Title: VGHS Headmaster<br>Level: 30  
>Next Level: - %<strong>

**Age: 18  
>Attribute: Darkness, Degeneration<strong>

**STR: 40  
>DEX: 40<br>VIT: 5  
>INT: 40<br>WIS: 40  
>LUK: 40<strong>

**Status: Status Effect [Darkness Enfeeble (highest)]  
>- : Status Effect [Curse of Mjolnir-hild (high-intermediate)]<strong>

**Background: Having been raised in an unknown location with his best friend, he was betrayed by her when she became Lady Thor, who cursed him when she recently passed through VGHS in search of an apprentice. Affected by the innate curse, Curse of Mjolnir-hild, which freezes level increase and saps points from VIT to disperse equally among other stats until VIT reaches 0 and he dies. It's hard to live long, doubtfully much time left.**

**Emotions: Bewilderment. Agony. Hope.**

* * *

><p>"Ohmygosh, this does <em>not<em> look good..." Jaune quietly states to his comrades.

"You are wrong, Jaune-san," Ren now begins after straightening up with some difficulty, "Things are looking better than they have ever been... You can defeat her, and I believe even halt the war you say is looming upon us."

*_How?_* Penny asks with some uncertainty.

"Our greatest minds have discovered the point of crossing." Dlyan replies, "This reality follows story of ancient RPG."

"Eh?"

"It means we found the crossover that ties into the enemy organization, which means we know how to beat them," Duchess adds, "but without Lie-Ren, only _you_ are strong enough to defeat all seven evil bosses..."

Jaune's eyes narrow as the Witch of Carnage concludes.

"It will be Jaune Arc... Vs. The World!"

Both Jaunes' and Penny's jaws hang open at the reference. This reality was tied into that old game? No way!

"Wait." Future-Jaune asks, "Seven evil exes- I mean bosses. And defeating them will restore Remnant? It wasn't like that in my timeline..."

"Well here's the thing about time-travel," Ren cuts in, "Every time you travel, the timeline changes, because you travelled through it, and that changes everything else."

*_So just the fact we came here has altered the course of history..._* Penny realizes agape.

"B-But that's _impossible_... Isn't it?" Jaune asks uncertainly.

"I think we've eliminated the fact that time-travel is 'impossible'..." Duchess observes as she resumes her touchy antics on the flustered blonde.

"And if you eliminate the impossible," Dylan adds, "whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

"...How poetic." Future-Jaune quips in nonchalance.

"So, Jaune-san," Ren remarks enigmatically, "you'll be making your choice soon."

"Wha-?"

_Ping!_

**[A quest has been created.]**

"Oh."

**[Quest Alert]**

**Jaune Arc vs. The World: Save Remnant!**

**Defeat the seven evil bosses before World War II begins. Save the people, save the world! Time limit: 7 Chapters.**

**Completion award: Dark Remnant disappears, ending the crossover-pocalypse. The RWBY-verse returns to normal in time for Vol 3.**

**Completion failure: Crossover-pocalypse becomes reality. World War II begins. Dark Remnant wins. Everybody dies.**

**[ YES | NO ]**

"I must save my friends!" And with a final yell, Jaune slams his index finger on **YES**.

"Very well," Ren now begins with a proud smile, "What's important now is that we prepare you for your quest. Duchess, I'll need you to help him grind for the rest of the day. Teach him everything there is to know."

"Oh I'll help him _grind_, alright!" She replies with a suggestive smirk at the blonde who doesn't get the double meaning, "I'll grind him till he can't walk straight!"

Dylan walks over and places a sympathetic hand on the young Arc's shoulder.

"You're in for a hell of a day, my friend."

And Jaune is left by himself with a grinning Witch as the rest walk off to join the school.

* * *

><p><em><span>A few hours later...<span>_

"Thank you for coming, Jaune-san."

"Well... Thanks for not killing us earlier," Jaune meekly replies.

He and his old partner were walking alone along the valley edge of Nightfall, Ren's favorite setting for his ability-specific Illusion Barrier. However, by this time the stoic's cough attacks were becoming more frequent and concerning to his partners. Yet, he had insisted on taking Jaune alone into his training area. They continued towards a rocky outcropping at the side of a cliff in silence until Jaune spoke up.

"You know, this really does remind me of that cutscene in Halo..."

"That's because it _is_."

"Ah."

And with a small smile, Ren holds back a cough attack and decides to continue making small talk before reaching their destination.

"I trust you were able to get ample training today with your new skills?" And to his amusement, he watches the blonde shuffle nervously a bit out of the corner of his eye as they amble along.

"Uh, yeah, actually. I leveled up several times and gained a few sword skills..."

"Aaand?" Ren prods, knowing what was coming next.

"A-And you know at one point, she really did _grind_ on me, right!?" Jaune exclaims with a crimson blush, shuddering at the rather intimate moment.

"That means she likes you."

"Ya _think?_" Jaune exhales sharply before suddenly furrowing his brows upon realizing the distance they'd walked already, "Hey uh, where we goin'?"

"To the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom."

And in another minute, they were at the edge of a cliff on an outcropping where a single peach tree stood.

"Oh. And here I thought it was just a regular peach tree."

Ren suddenly breaks out in another cough attack but recovers quickly and now turns to look at Jaune with arms crossed and a solemn expression.

"Jaune-san, I brought you here to tell you that I believe you. Somehow, in a strange way, I feel that maybe in another life we knew each other as if we were brothers we never knew we had."

"And I, you."

"Which is why I also brought you here to ask why you are so upset."

And Ren was right. He felt like he had known Jaune for a long time. And after a day of grinding (semi-literally), he somehow _knew_ the blonde needed to vent as well.

"Upset? I'm not upset. What makes you think I'm upset?"

"Your emotion stats. I can read your stats too, remember?"

Yeah. The emotion stats helped, too.

"Oh. Well yeah... I feel a little upset..."

"Why?"

"_Why?_" Jaune replies emphatically, "Because sparring against Duchess only reminded me how much I suck at being a Hunter. I probably sucked more today than anyone in the history of VGHS... In the history of Remnant... In the history of sucking!"

"Probably."

"And _Future Me?_ Man, you should've seen him! He was totally laughing at me!"

"Totally."

"How am I ever going to defeat the seven evil bosses in just seven chapters?" The knight admits before letting out a dejected sigh, "Maybe I should just quit and go eat noodles or something..."

Ren slowly shakes his head understandingly before he responds, "Quit, don't quit. Noodles, don't noodles... You are too concerned with what was and what will be. There's a saying: 'Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift. That is why it is called the present'."

_Ping!_

**[Heeding Chunbumoon Lie-Ren's advice causes your WIS to go up by 1.]**

"_Thanks_, Oogway." Jaune replies gruffly behind a facepalm after swiping away the message, "But I need to tell you something about my 'history'. I have... It's... It's very bad news."

"Jaune. There is just news. There is no good or bad." The stoic replies warmly despite the knight's negativity.

"You don't understand. Before today, I was just a _student_, a fighter in training... and a _terrible_ one at that!"

"Oh! That _is_ bad news..." Ren replies, his eyes momentarily widening ever so slightly in surprise before recovering, "if you don't believe your true power can save Remnant."

"But what if my ability isn't strong enough?"

"Jaune-san," Ren continues, his small placid smile never leaving his face, "You choose to believe whether the glass is half-empty or half-full when in reality it is always full, of both water and air."

"Hmm..."

_Ping!_

**[Due to your habit of heeding Cunbumoon Lie-Ren's advice, you gained 1 WIS.]**

"Ack, another pop-up!" Jaune complains, "is this always gonna happen?"

"Yep. Get used to it."

"Fine... Where were we? Ah yes, my Semblance being unable to save us."

"But maybe it _can_." Ren replies decisively, "If you are willing to nurture it. To believe in it."

"But how? _How?_" Jaune retorts, "I need your _help_, Ren!"

"No, you just need to believe. Promise me, Jaune-san. Promise me you'll believe."

"...I will try."

And just then, the VGHS headmaster can no longer hold back the cough attack and begins to do so violently into his sleeve. Jaune runs to his side to help keep him standing but is in dismay when the stoic finishes and both of them see the red stains on the silky green fabric.

"Good. My time has come." Ren concludes weakly before taking a few steps toward the edge of the cliff, "You must continue your journey without me."

Jaune's eyes widen as he sees his partner begin to glow a brilliant pink, "What are you- _WAIT!_"

But it's too late. Jaune tries to run over to grab his friend but only gets an armful of lotus petals. Ren has dissipated into a large cloud of them which are now floating into the night.

"Ren! You can't leave me!"

_You must believe..._ His old partner's last words in a whisper as the petals float further away.

"_Ren!_"

Jaune walks backwards absent-mindedly to the peach tree and and sits next to the trunk, his eyes never leaving the spot where is friend once stood in disbelief.

He should be sobbing. He should be torn to pieces. _What's happening to me?_

And then it hits him. His skill has given his mind the ability to keep calm under pressure. Ren's skill. Jaune takes a deep breath and grips his hands hard next to him, hearing the creaking of his leather gloves.

He knows. He _knows_ what he has to do.

'_My friend will have NOT died in vain!_'

"ID ESCAPE!"

* * *

><p>"Ren told us not to come with," Future-Jaune states when the knight meets him and Ren's allies outside of the shattered Illusion Barrier.<p>

"We had a feeling of what may happen," the witch added, her usual grin nowhere to be found, "I guess this was why..."

*_But what'll happen to VGHS?_* Penny mentions sadly.

"Don't worry about us." Dylan now speaks up, "Headmaster left the responsibility to Duchess and I. You three have quest now. Fulfill your mission."

And then, the man in the wolf hide brings out a cane in one hand and a mug of coffee in the other while the witch pulls out a riding crop and a pair of rectangular spectacles.

Jaune stares at her. She stares at him. He stares at her. She-

_Ping!_

**[After detecting overwhelming amount of lust, you unlocked the skill "Detect Lethal Attraction"]**

"Wha-?"

**[Detect Lethal Attraction (Passive) LV1: EXP: 0.00%]**

**A skill that detects any lust directed at the user.  
>It is an instinctive skill.<br>Detects lust within 30m from the user's location.  
>It also alerts the user of its origin.<strong>

"What the he-"

And before he can even finish his sentence or swipe away the window, he is suddenly jumped by The Witch of Carnage who promptly wraps her arms around him and plants a soft, full kiss right on his lips.

'_HUHHHHHHH!?_'

_MUAH!_

Still hanging herself off him by his shoulders, Duchess now pulls back with a warm smile.

"Come back safe, yes?" Her smile grows into a grin as she flashes him another wink, "Uhu~ I've already marked you. So I'll see you later!"

Now letting herself off of him and stepping back while she puts on her professor-like glasses, Future-Jaune and Penny look on slack-jawed at the incident while Dylan merely shakes his head and takes a sip of coffee.

"And so the quest begins. You've been burdened with a daunting responsibility, Jaune of Arc," The new Headmaster now concludes, "It is up to you to take the first step."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Holy crap, Blake. Ya killed him.**

**B/N: Kung Fu Panda style.**

**A/N: You're crazy. **

**B/N: Meh. You know you love me. Anyways, back to the RWBY-verse. Byeee!**

**A/N: Well, reader, I'm sure that was unexpected. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry if it wasn't as funny as the first chapter either! If I'm gonna make it a multi-shot (which I will... Seven more chapters to be exact) I figured I'd want some solid plot points to kick it off! But next chapters... Well, expect some interesting crossovers with our beloved RWBY villains, hehehe**

**Anyways, if you get my references so far, you're awesome! And even if you don't, I'm gonna list em in case you're up for an Easter egg hunt! ;D big shoutout to all my favorite fics and fandoms! Credits go to respective owners ;)**

RWBY fics:

_The Games We Play  
>Divergence<br>A Friend in Need  
>An Alternate Start and A Darker Hero<br>Mute Arc  
>Massages<br>Weiss Reacts  
>More to come...<em>

Anime/Shows:

_RWBY (Duh)  
>RvB<br>VGHS  
>The Gamer<br>Gurren Lagann  
>MANY more to come...<em>

Other Media:

_Super Smash Bros  
>Halo<br>Kung Fu Panda  
>InFAMOUS<br>X-Men (Days of Future Past to be specific)  
>Metroid<br>Super Mario Bros  
>The Matrix<br>Edge of Tomorrow  
>Next<br>Star Trek  
>Heroes<br>More to come..._

**Anywho, I've added a new feature on my profile to gauge how far along I am with my upcoming chapters to my fics which will be updated daily. The progress bars. Not the fics. Can't update them that often :'( Till next time!**

**And Happy Reading!**


	3. EMERGENCY AT ROOSTERTEETH

**_EMERGENCY AT ROOSTERTEETH, PLEASE READ!_**

* * *

><p><em>Hello, I'd like to apologize beforehand that this is not the next chapter to this fic, but as some of you may or may not know, there has been a very unfortunate development at RoosterTeeth.<em>

_The lead animator and co-creator of many of RT's shows like RWBY, Monty Oum, has fallen very ill and is currently in critical condition. According to RT co-CEO Burnie Burns, "it is unknown if he'll be able to make a recovery."_

_If you have a moment, please visit the main RT site and follow the new post to the link to lend a hand with the medical costs to him and his family, or at the very least, let's provide some much needed encouragement from FFnet with heartfelt words. We're all terribly sorry to hear of his situation and as an entire community, let's show him our support in every way we can!_

_I'll be leaving this chapter up in all my fics until further notice/news from RT HQ._

_Thank you all for reading_

_**-TPS** _


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RWBY, Adventure, Parody