South of Nowhere 1. Guilty Conscience

**A/N: **Ok so i'm back with another oneshot. but this time..it's different. i wrote this one last night cuz i really wanted to write. and it was hard...because i totally despise ashden. blech blech blech. ok so anyways, here's the deal. this is going to be a series of oneshots, that can be read seperately and still make sense. the titles are all going to be songs that i like and also go along with what the characters will be talking about. i dunno exactly how many there'll be. but i have 3 done. and i'll be working on the others this weekend. hopefully i'll get em done and posted! so read and review if you feel so inclined. but most importantly, enjoy!

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**Guilty Conscience**

Guilt. What an emotion. It brings out the worst in people. It makes you do things you A. know you have to do but really don't want to, or B. don't want to do, don't have to do, but do anyways because you feel so damn bad. Guilt is seriously my least favorite emotion. It led me to make the single biggest mistake of my life. And I regret it…every. Single. Day.

I don't know why I even felt guilty in the first place. Honestly, it makes no sense to me. It's like, one day everything is amazing and perfect and then the next…it's not. The knowledge I have now only makes me wish I could go back in time and redo that day. Redo it and make everything all better. 20/20 hindsight is a bitch. Like karma.

I guess that's what I'm getting right? A full on karma smack down. It's what I deserve though. I single handedly wrecked…what? 4? No, no…5 relationships! All because of guilt. Fuck.

No, you know what? This is SO not my fault. This is all _his_ fault. If he had just done what normal guys do and gotten over everything then we wouldn't be in this situation. I wouldn't have felt guilty over what happened, we never would've ended up out in front of the school, and then none of us would've been in the way of those damn bullets.

Yeah, sure he got shot. Sure there was blood everywhere. Sure he was unconscious. And yeah, sure…I panicked. Who wouldn't when their closest friend gets shot right in front of them right? But the mistake I made…was mistaking guilt, for love. God how stupid am I?

So here I am…a month later…stuck. Stuck without the greatest person I've ever met, the sister I barely gave a chance, and stuck with the boy I don't love more than a brother. I didn't realize that it was only guilt that made me get back together with him until a week ago. So since then I've been distancing myself. Getting away from him. His 'I love you's'. His overall clinginess. And trying to get back what I lost.

I know Kyla's super pissed at me and I can't blame her. I know she cared for Aiden. Hell, she's still hooked on the boy. I may not talk to her…but it's obvious. They were good together. Oh who am I kidding…they were great together! So much better than he and I. I think deep down he has feelings for her too. He's just too diluted in his 'love' for me to see it. They're gonna get back together. I'll see to that. But not before I get my life back in order. And that starts with getting rid of the dead weight that is Aiden and getting back Spencer.

I see her at school…she looks terrible. She tries to put on a brave front. The old Ashley Davies "Go ahead, talk shit…I don't care" front. I taught her that too well. But since I know her so well…I've seen it falter. On numerous occasions. Especially when she spots Aiden hanging all over me. Ugh. Idiot. She's lost weight too. A bit too much. She's sick. And it's all my fault. Her ocean blue eye eyes don't shine anymore. They're pale, lacking any emotion except sadness, and she's got more bags under them than a grocery store. Once again, my fault. Her head always used to be up, a smile always on her face, but now it's down. Nothing but a frown on those beautiful lips. And there's that pang of guilt again. But this time it's because I made a tiny mistake…no. It's because I made a HUGE mistake. A mistake that hurt everyone I care about in the process.

It's going to change. I'm going to get her back and life is going to be back to the way it should be.

Now where's that phone? I have a phone call to make to a certain clingy boy. Maybe he deserves better than an over-the-phone break up…but ya know what? I've already given up enough. I'm doing this the quick way. Call. Say it. Hang up. End of story.

I'm not gonna feel anymore guilt. It's not gonna plague me anymore. I'm over it. I'm going to make my wrongs right.

Starting now.

_Riiiing…Riii…_

"_Hey baby. I miss you. Where've you been lately?"_

"_Aiden…we need to talk…"_


	2. Gone

**Gone**

Um. Wow. Like…seriously, wow. It happened again. She left me…again.

"_Hey baby. I miss you. Where've you been lately?"_

"_Aiden…we need to talk…"_

"_Ok. What's up?"_

"_We're through. Dunzo. Over. No longer a couple. Got it? Good. Bye."_

And that was it. So here I am…sitting in my room listening to this damn N'Sync CD. It's sad when a boy band can relate to what I'm going through right now.

I can't say I didn't see this coming. I just didn't think it'd be this soon. I mean, it was only a month! She didn't even give me a reason. She'd been avoiding me at all costs this week.

When we got back together I was ecstatic. And she seemed to be too. I knew she still loved me. I mean, she wouldn't leave Spencer if she didn't right? So why now, after we just got back together, does she end it? I don't get it.

_What will I do, if I can't be with you? Tell me where will I turn to? Baby who will I be, now that we are apart? Am I still in your heart? Baby why don't you see, that I need you here with me?_

God damn…why do they have to know EXACTLY what's going on? What the hell. It's like...they had a time machine and went to the future and saw what happened. Damn you N'Sync. Damn you for being right.

I need to see her. At least to get a reason why…and maybe to get her to rethink her decision…psht yeah…like that'll happen.

I just can't believe she's gone…


	3. Perfect World

**A/N: **Ok so I just wanted to apologize for the suckiness of Aiden's chapter. But honestly...I don't care that he lost Ashley haha. I'm totally bias when it comes to matters of Spashley. I think they should be together forever and always. And an amazing series finale, yes SERIES finale...god that sounds horrible lol...would be for them to get married. Perfect way to end it. Definitely. Actually an even better ending would to have a quadruple wedding. Spashley, Gladison (Glen and Madison of course), Kyden, and Claysea. But that's totally a dream lol. Anywho. Here's the next chapter.

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**Perfect World**

I can't believe she did it. She actually gave up Spencer to be with Aiden. I guess I kinda jinxed myself with that whole "Why don't they just get back together and put us all out of our misery?" thing. Bad move Kyla. BAD move.

Though I guess I can't really blame it all on Ashley. It's pretty much Aiden's fault. All of it. Bastard. Ugh…and yet he's not. I know I should just totally get over these feelings I have for him…but I can't, because you can't help who you love. That's your hearts job. And my heart decided that I was going to fall, fast and hard, for one Mr. Aiden Dennison. Boo. Way to screw me over heart. Where the hell's a Big Mac? I'm going to clog my arteries good to get back at it.

Ok this crappy music on the radio is totally not helping my mood either. Effing Simple Plan. Stupid song that is totally my life right now. GAH!

_In a perfect world, this could never happen. In a perfect world, you'd still be here. And it makes no sense; I could just pick up the pieces. But to you, this means nothing, nothing at all._

I haven't spoken to Ash or Aiden since they got back together. Let me tell you, not talking to someone you live with, someone you see on a daily basis, someone you were just starting to be on good terms with, for a month is hard work. I tried so hard to put all the blame on Ashley too. Just so I could take out my anger. But I couldn't do it. I can't do it, because she's my sister. And I love her. Even if she makes a mistake that screws up lives of people she cares about…I still love her.

She just came in my room. Her face looked so sad, but I kept up my 'I'm so pissed at you, what the hell are you even doing in here' façade.

"_What do you want Ashley?"_

"_I'm sorry…"_

"_For what? It's not like you led Spencer on for all those months, lied to her and me about how you felt for Aiden, and screwed up our lives and relationships or anything. Oh! But wait…you did."_

She had her head down and when she did finally look up she was crying. It broke my heart to see her like that. I felt so bad for saying what I did.

"_Ash I'm sorry."_

"_No Ky, you're right. You're right. I'm such a horrible person. I don't deserve to have you as a sister. I've been nothing but horrible to you since you got here…and once we finally were getting to a good place I went and screwed it up. Just like I do everything else good in my life. No wonder I've lost everyone that cared about me."_

"_You haven't lost everyone that cared about you Ashley. You still have Aiden."_

"_Uh no…not exactly."_

"_What are you talking about? Of course you do. He's your boyfriend."_

"_Not anymore… I ended it."_

Hmm, can you say ecstatic much?

"_What? Why?"_

"_Because I realized I was with him for all the wrong reasons. I got back with him because I thought I loved him…and I do. Just…not like that. When he got shot I panicked. I thought I was going to lose him. When I saw him in that hospital bed I felt something in my heart. I thought it was love but…"_

"_But what?"_

"_But it wasn't. It was guilt. I mistook guilt for love and that's why I got back with him. Because I felt guilty. God I'm so stupid…"_

"_Oh Ash. Well, at least you made it right by breaking it off with him and telling him."_

"_Uh…"_

"_You did tell him why you broke it off right?"_

"_Not exactly…"_

"_Ashley!"_

"_I know! I know! I called him and just said it was over. I didn't wanna get into it to make him feel worse than he probably already does ya know?"_

"_Ok…I get that. At least you didn't text message break up with him. He would've felt like K-Fed."_

She chuckled a little and gave a tiny smile.

"_Why are you being so nice to me Ky? You should be totally pissed at me and never wanna talk to me again."_

"_I tried doing that…trust me. I really did. But, in the end, the fact that you're my sister and I love you, and I'm stuck with you for life won out over my anger. Besides, it wasn't exactly your fault."_

"_You're pretty amazing you know that?"_

"_Yeah, I know. But it's always nice to hear!"_

"_Psht, not a bit modest either."_

"_Well, I am a Davies right?"_

"_True that little sister."_

"_So…you know that you're gonna have to talk to Aiden eventually right? You're gonna have to give him the real reason why you broke it off."_

"_Yeah…I know. I just don't wanna hurt him anymore than I already have. But I have to…and it sucks."_

We spent a half an hour talking about what had been going on in my life over the past month. It was really nice talking to her again. I missed her. A lot. Then the conversation took a turn I really wasn't expecting…

"_Ky?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Do you love him?"_

"_Love who?"_

"_Aiden."_

"_Um…"_

"_It's ok. You don't have to tell me."_

"_No…it's just…do you still love Spencer?"_

"_With all my heart. I've come to regret every single day that I haven't been with her. God I'm so stupid."_

"_No you're…well ok yeah. You are."_

"_Gee, thanks."_

"_Sorry, but it's true. But what are you going to do?"_

"_I'm going to try and get her back. I'll spend every day of my life trying to get her back. She's my one true love. How am I so sure? Because there's no one else in this world like her. Guaranteed."_

"_Well, if you need help. I'm here for you."_

"_Thanks Ky!"_

"_Not a problem. It's just really hard to see her how she is…she looks terrible. It's scary. She's not the same person. I miss the old Spencer. I tried to talk to her, but she won't say anything. The only people she'll talk to are Glen, Clay, and Chelsea."_

"_I know…but I'm gonna get her back. I'm not giving up. Ever. Now before it slips my mind again, answer my question."_

"_Uh what question?"_

Yeah, like trying to play stupid would work with Ashley.

"_You know what question."_

"_Ugh…yes. I do."_

"_I knew it."_

"_If you knew then why'd you ask?"_

"_Cause I needed to hear you say it. Do you want to get back together with him?"_

"…_yes"_

"_Well we're gonna get you back together then. I know he still has feelings for you. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. I've learned to read this kid like a Cosmo. But for now, I need to focus on how I'm going to get Spencer back. I'll talk to you later Ky…I love you."_

"_I love you too Ash."_

She got up and gave me a hug and went back to her room.

Well, it's certainly nice to know that I have her back. I'm not so sure she's right about Aiden though.

In a perfect world indeed…


	4. I Break

**I Break**

It's been a month since it all happened. A month since she broke my heart. No, more like shattered it into a million tiny pieces. Pieces so small that I doubt anyone could ever fix it. Not with all the super glue, duct tape, band aids, and bubble gum in the world.

When I told her to choose, I honestly didn't think she would choose him. So I blame myself for losing her. Even though I know it's not my fault. Not entirely anyway. Mostly it's hers and Aiden's. Ugh, I can't even say his name without feeling like I'm going to throw up.

After we arrived at the hospital that night, both covered in his blood, she hardly said a word to me. I didn't say anything to her either, what good would it do? After about an hour of waiting she actually spoke. It hurt so bad; I already knew what she was going to say. It was written on her face.

"_Spencer, I-"_

"_Don't Ashley…just…don't."_

"_I'm sorry…"_

She tried to touch me, put her hand on my shoulder, as if that would make me feel any better about the decision. I recoiled. Got up, walked a few feet before I just collapsed into a heartbroken heap. I cried my eyes out. I rocked back and forth wishing it was all a nightmare and I would just wake up. But I didn't. I couldn't, because it was real. Everything that happened, everything that was said, everything she did, was real. And my world came crashing down around me.

She watched me cry. She didn't do anything to make me feel better…as if she could. There was nothing she could do at that moment to make it better. Just the sight of her made me sick.

She's tried to talk to me. But I just ignore her. Every time she says my name though, my broken heart gets stepped on even more. It breaks even more.

I want to move on. I know I have to. I've lost her for good. But she won't let me. I wish she'd just tell me everything I need to hear so I can, but she won't. It's like she doesn't want me to move on. But again, I know I have to. She proved to me that everything she told me; all the crap about not wanting to hurt me, about how she loved me, everything; was a lie.

Every day I have to see her at school, with Aiden trailing behind like a little lap dog, it kills me. It kills me because I know I was exactly like him; a love sick puppy, a puppet that she controls, a doll. I was just a toy to her. She played me like Sega. The worst part is, I let her. I was too blind to see it, but I let her string me along. Let her fill my head with false promises, false emotions, false everything.

I've stopped eating. I won't admit it to anyone; sometimes I won't even admit it to myself. I just come up with a good enough lie to make everyone, including me believe it. I know they're not convinced though. I've lost a considerable amount of weight. My clothes are baggy on me, which is quite a feat because before this happened I was a size 4. I see the concern in their eyes. I know they want to help, but they know and I know there's nothing they can do.

It would be a lie to say that I don't have feelings for her anymore, that I don't still love her with all of my heart. I can't help it. It's like that bastard said…you can't just cut off who you love. Though sometimes I wish I could. It would make it all so much easier. But then again, losing the love of your life is never an easy task. It's not meant to be. Life in general isn't meant to be easy.

I'm a shell of my former self. A hollow form missing the soul that used to inhabit me. That soul left me the day that my world came crashing down around me.

_If I go on I can learn to not live as your doll. I break. Every time you say my name._

_You're the pleasure with the pain that I sustain._

_And I say, you're never gonna have your way, but you're taking my sane._

_I break._

The day Ashley Davies left me broken.

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I dont know when the next update will be. I haven't written any past this point. But I shall try to get at least one done tonight. Hope ya'll are liking it so far!


	5. Walk Away

**A/N:** I've been getting some good feedback on the past couple chapters. I'm glad! Makes me feel all funny inside, you? Haha ok sorry, I just love that quote. One of Glen's finest. So I've got it all figured out now, after this there'll be 7 more posts. Again I don't know when I'll be posting again. I'm not feeling too well right now. But then again that may result in more frequent posts haha. Who knows? But anyways, here's the next installment.

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**Walk Away**

I've been thinking a lot about what Kyla said; the whole having to tell Aiden about why I broke up with him. I was planning on doing it, I really was. I just didn't wanna do it this soon…

_Knock Knock_

"_Come in."_

"_Hey…"_

"_Aiden, what are you doing here?"_

"_Ash, we need to talk. Why? Was it something I did? Baby I'm sorry, just please don't do this again! I need you. I love you."_

"_Aiden stop it! Seriously, you need to stop. Look, it's over. You need to accept it. It wasn't anything you did. This is all on me. I made the mistake."_

"_Ash what we have isn't a mistake. It's true love."_

"_No, it's not."_

"_How do you figure otherwise? You left Spencer for me. You left her because what you had with her wasn't anything close to what we have."_

"_Leaving her for you was a big mistake. Listen, I thought about this, long and hard, and I realized that I only got back with you because I felt guilty. I mistook guilt for love and it would've been wrong for me to keep up something that would've just ended up way worse than it already has."_

"_You're wrong. You're so wrong Ash. She doesn't know you like I do!"_

"_Do you really even know me Aiden? Like seriously, do you?"_

"_Of course I do! I love you!"_

"_Really? Then what's my favorite color?"_

"_Easy, red."_

"_Wrong. It's black."_

"_What? Black is so not a color! It's a shade."_

"_Whatever. What's my favorite movie?"_

"_Uhh…The Notebook?"_

"_Wrong."_

"_Damn it."_

"_Yeah…"_

"_C'mon, what do these questions have to do with anything? They're trivial things that don't mean anything!"_

"_Are you kidding me Aiden? These "trivial things" are what make me, me! They mean everything. If you can't even answer these simple things then how can you say you love me? You can't love someone you don't know, not really."_

"_But…"_

"_No Aiden. There's no but."_

"_You know she'll never love you like I do Ash…"_

"_Well, there's one thing you have right."_

"_Wait, WHAT?!"_

"_She won't love me like you do. She'll love me more. She does love me more. She knows everything about me. Before this whole mess started and we were together, she'd call me in the middle of the day just to tell me she loved me. She'd stay on the phone with me all night when I had a nightmare. Just one look in my eyes and she'd know something was wrong and she wouldn't give up and get mad when I'd deny it. She knew I'd end up telling her."_

"_I can learn Ash. I can learn all that stuff!"_

"_That's not stuff you should have to learn when it comes to the one you love Aiden. It should just come naturally. Even when you and I were first together you couldn't do what she does."_

"_So, I guess it's really over then."_

"_Yeah…I'm really sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you again. You have to know that. I do love you Aid, just…like my brother."_

"_Second choice, but I'll take it. I guess it's time to walk away from the past."_

"_It's for the best."_

"_Yeah…"_

"_Can I ask you something?"_

"_Sure."_

"_What's Kyla's favorite play?"_

"_Phantom of the Opera, why?"_

"_Just wondering…say, do you happen to know who her favorite singer is?"_

"_Kelly Clarkson. She's obsessed. It's kinda creepy."_

"_What's her favorite food?"_

"_What do you mean by food? Like, actual food such as apple or type of food such as Mexican? Because if it's option A then it's pasta alfredo, but if it's option B then it's Italian. Why are you asking me all this stuff?"_

"_Because I do believe you are in love with her. You're just too blind to see it."_

"_What? How do you know?"_

"_All that stuff I asked you was all the stuff you couldn't answer about me."_

"_I dunno Ash. I mean yeah, I like Kyla…but I don't think I'm in love with her."_

"_Boys…you're so oblivious. Ok look, you said you like her…when you're around her do you feel sick to your stomach?"_

"_What?!"_

"_Answer the question damn it!"_

"_Um…I guess I do."_

"_Is it a good feeling?"_

"_Uh…yeah, it is actually. Weird."_

"_Love's a crazy thing."_

"_So, what should I do? I mean, she like…wont even talk to me."_

"_Well, I think you should sit down and have a talk with her. Get everything out. But before you talk to her, you need to sort everything out in your head. Because I will not have you messing with hers more than you already have."_

"_Ok."_

"_I'm serious Aiden, if you go into it before you have everything figured out and you hurt her again I'll kill you. I don't want her heart broken over you again. That's not fair."_

"_Ok Ash, I get it. I'm gonna go and do that thinking thing."_

"_Don't hurt yourself now."_

"_Ha, you're so funny. But uh…thanks. For real, thank you. I'm glad we talked."_

"_Yeah, me too. Good luck Aid."_

"_Thanks…I think I'll need it…"  
_

I feel so much better now. So, so much better. This huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I love it. I wasn't kidding when I said I'd kill him if he hurt Ky again. I really will. It'll be a slow and painful one. Because that's what he'll deserve. Huh, whoda thunk it…me being the protective older sister. Insane.

Now let's hope Spencer doesn't walk away from me…


	6. Why Cant I x Everywhere

**Why Can't I/Everywhere**

Ever since my talk with Ashley he's all I think about. He's all I talk about. He's all I want. Everything is about him and it pisses me off, yet makes me so happy at the same time. I'm totally head over heels for this boy and still I know I should be pissed. He led me on all that time, but here I am totally in love with him.

There are so many things I can't do whenever he's on my mind. I'll try and tell one of my friends from Baltimore about him and I can't. I can't speak. But that's ok because I've already told them everything about him a million times over; thank you email and instant messaging.

I try to run away from him when I sleep, clear my thoughts of him, but there he is; in all his glory with flowers in hand, trying to recite Romeo and Juliet with that dopey grin on his handsome face. My brain tells me I should run away, as fast as I possibly can, so I don't get hurt again, but my feet stay planted, arms wide open waiting for him to pick me up, and a dopey grin of my own plastered on my face.

Every thought of him makes breathing extremely hard. Every glimpse of him, his perfect body, his little green eyes, his 'aw shucks', I'm so damn adorable, irresistibly cute smile, makes my breath catch in my throat. Ashley's walked in on a few of these moments and ends up having to smack me on the back to snap me out of it. Of course she gets a good laugh out of it, saying how I should buy myself a respirator so I don't die of self suffocation, and ya know…I'm starting to think she's right, because this happens a bit too often, and let me tell you that forgetting how to breathe isn't a good thing.

I wish I could take stock in what Ashley said, about him having feelings for me. It's just hard to considering the way he treated me. It would be so amazing if he did, so amazing. But I don't want to sit here getting my hopes up, thinking that he's just gonna come in here and tell me that he was wrong about everything, that it's me he loves, and it's me that he wants to be with…but he's made it quite clear that it's not…it's Ashley.

If I could escape these feelings I would. But I can't. Why can't I? Because he's everywhere, everything is a constant reminder of him.

_Riiiiing…Riiiiing…_

"_Ugh, who's calling me…Hello?"_

"_Hey Kyla, um…it's Aiden."_

"_Uh, hey. What's up?"_

"_Nothing really um…I was wondering if maybe…we could um…talk?"_

"_Ok, what about?"_

"_Not now, not on the phone. We need to talk in person."_

"_Oh, well…ok I guess. Did you wanna come over?"_

"_Sure, I'll be there in a little bit."_

"_Yeah, bye."_

Well this is gonna be interesting…


	7. Lately

**Lately**

I've been thinking about her a lot lately. I've tried to stop myself but, I just get caught up with all the amazing times we had. All the laughs, hugs, kisses, whispers, and reassurances of forever…they all warm me. But then prom comes to my mind and that warmth turns to ice, and I'm frozen. People could start calling me the Ice Queen if they so desired.

It still confuses me. Why, after all we'd gone through with Madison, me finally realizing and accepting my feelings, and all of the shit with my mother would she give it up like it was nothing? It doesn't make sense. She had so many chances to get back together with him, especially when we were still just friends. If she still had unresolved feelings why not do it before we got too emotionally attached? I just don't get it! She was genuinely happy. I could tell. The warmth of her smile, the look in her eyes, the gentleness of her touch, was enough to tell me that she was in love with me. She tried to protect me from all the bullshit in the world. The bullshit that includes: ignorant, self righteous, condescending, hypocrites; i.e. my mother.

Ugh, my mother. When she heard the news that Ashley left me she was practically bouncing off the walls. She wears the same 'I told you God would punish you for sinning the way you have' smug smile every damn day. I wish I could wipe it off her face, slap her the way she slapped me when I called her out all those months ago. She taunts me every day, telling me that everything she said was right, everything she assumed about Ashley proved true. Normally I'd retort but, I've lost all will to defend my love for her. What's the point?

My dad tries to get her to stop, knowing how much she's hurting me, but she seems to think it's good for me to hear her belittling what I had with her, even though she knows I was truly happy for once in my life. Having Ashley, knowing I loved her and she loved me pissed my mom off like none other. We all know it. She never hid her disgust. So now she does everything she can to make me feel like crap. She's even tried to set me up on more blind dates with 'Nice, wholesome, normal boys'. In other words, they're ignorant, church going, bible banging, momma's boys that do what they're told for fear of burning in hell. As if Ashley and I being apart would suddenly make me 'straighten out'. She's delusional.

All I think is if loving her was right then I don't want to be wrong. So I go to my room day after day, drown myself in tears, and sing another sad love song. I've got a few of those mixes scattered about in my room. That's what I did the morning after she ended it, went on my computer, downloaded a bunch of 'I just got my heart broken, I'm emo as fuck now' songs. Though I'd never go as far as to "cut my wrists and black my eyes" but as much as I'd like to believe that I can…"I can't make it on my own." But not because my heart is in Ohio, it's because my heart is in L.A. shattered into those million small pieces, and really…the only one that can fix it is Ashley. She's the only one that can take those pieces in her hands and magically they'll be fixed; my heart whole, beating, and only for her to hold.

Every night before I got to sleep, I sit by my window just looking up at the stars. Praying to God, the same one that brought her into my life, to bring my baby back…right back to me, where she belongs. Watching the days go by is so lonely. We should be doing that together, spending our days together.

If she were to ask me for another chance I don't know what I'd do. Yes, I want her back in my life, back to me waking up in her arms or her in mine, back to big smiles, passionate kisses, and post-coital bliss. I want it more than anything. But then there's a part of me that says 'What makes you think she won't do it again? Won't up and leave, breaking your heart again.' and it's true. She did it once, who's to say she wouldn't again?

Could I really get back with her always thinking in the back of my mind she doesn't have the same feelings for me that I her?


	8. I Drive Myself Crazy

**I Drive Myself Crazy**

**_12:01_**. That's what the clock says. This has been happening every night for the past few weeks. I wake up at some horrid time in the morning, hours before I should, and I don't know why. Ok just kidding, I know why. It's because I don't have her. She's not here, lying in my arms or vice versa. She's not here to hold me when I have nightmares, I'm not with her when she has a crazy dream she wants to tell me about the second she wakes up. I guess I didn't know what I had.

Now I toss and turn for hours on end trying to get back to sleep, but I can't. My mind is too flooded with thoughts of her. My Spencer, my beautiful blonde haired, ocean blue eyed beauty. So again, I cry. I cry for being so stupid as to let her go, to give up the best thing to have ever happened to me.

I made the biggest mistake ever by letting her go. But, I can't really be held accountable for my actions right? I mean, we all just got shot at, Aiden professed his love for me, Aiden got shot…so it's really not my fault! Ugh…who am I kidding? Of course it's my fault. It always is. However, this time it's also Aiden's and those bastards from Northridge. See, this is why I like girls. Sure they cause drama, but they don't go as far as to get into a gang war. I said it before and I'll say it again, stupid boys and their stupid testosterone.

She always put me and our relationship before everything else, even her family. That core group in her life, she made them second, for me. And what do I do? Put her, our relationship, and everything that I could ever want in second position. I put my friendship, yes _friend_ship, not relationship, **friend**ship with Aiden first. I took her for granted all the time, always thinking that she was going to be there when I needed her. She always gave up everything for me without a second thought. She was there for me through my worst times taking care of me. I did nothing for her, nothing.

Sure sometimes it looked like I did, like running away. I did that for purely selfish reasons though. I wanted her all to myself. I didn't think of the possible danger that could've lurked. Take the diner for instance. Here I am, Ashley Davies; self proclaimed bad ass, Ashley Davies; tough girl that can kick anyone's ass, Ashley Davies; I laugh in the face of danger, and what do I do? I cower, sure I step in front of Spencer because I know I don't want that freak to get his hands on her, but she wasn't the only one on that dirty diner floor. I was right there with her, scared out of my mind. I put her life in danger and I could've gotten her killed. God I'm so stupid.

How many times did she tell me she loved me? Countless. How many times did I tell her? I could count on one hand. She deserves so much better than me…and yet there she was; telling me how much she loved me, making sacrifices left and right, taking crap from everyone including her brother and mom, and putting up with all my drama. Did she ever complain? No, never. She never would because she's that amazing of a person. When she loves someone it's not just certain aspects, it's everything. And she loved me even with all my issues.

**_12:02_**.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!"

All that thought and only a minute passed…this is ridiculous. I can't keep spending the nights like this. Every minute is exactly the same as the one before it; it drags on seeming like hours. I need to call her, explain myself. I need to hear her voice, make her realize how wrong I was. I need her. I need her in my arms, my lips on hers, her body against mine.

"Where's my phone…oh! Here we go…speed dial 1. Now there's a number I haven't hit for a while…she probably won't answer…but hey, even her voicemail is enough for me at this point."

_Riiiing…Riiiiing…Riiii…_

"_mwerfsf Hello?"_

Oh shit…

"_Hello? Is anyone there?"_

"_Uh…"_

"_Who is this?"_

"_Spence it's --"_

"_Ashley? What do you want? Do you have any idea what time it is?"_

"_I know it's late, and I'm sorry for calling but --"_

"_Ashley it's the middle of the night and we haven't spoken in a month. Why don't you go call your **boy**friend and leave me alone?"_

"_Spencer please, I really need to talk --"_

"_Well too bad. I **don't **want to listen. Goodnight."_

_Click._

Well that went well...not.

I guess it's official, she hates me. Can't say I blame her, because I don't. Hell, I'd hate me too if I was in her position. I'm not giving up though, I won't. I refuse to not have her back in my life, to not hold her like she deserves, to not kiss her, to not treat her like the princess she is. I'm getting her back damn it.

"I'm gonna need help though…but who?"

I could try Clay, but he probably wouldn't do it. Sure he approved of Spencer and me together but, after what I did there's no doubt that he'd bite my head off for hurting her. I sure as hell can't ask Glen because he'd try to beat me up probably. I'd ask Kyla but like she said, Spencer won't talk to anyone but Clay, Glen, and Chelsea.

"CHELSEA! That's it! I'll ask Chelsea!"

_Riiiing…Riiiiing…Riiiing…Riiiing…_

"_Hey it's Chelsea's phone. Leave me a message and I'll get back to you."_

"_Hey Chels, it's Ashley. Look, I need your help with something…something BIG! Call me back when you get this, no matter what time. Talk to you soon, bye."_

I can only hope for the best now…


	9. I Can't Hate You Anymore

**I Can't Hate You Anymore**

Am I really ready for this? Can I handle this talk? Oh god what am I doing? I'm so not ready for this…I'll just call back and reschedule. It'll be fi-

_Ding Dong_

"Shit…guess it's now or never Kyla…"

I think I'd prefer never…

I let him in and we went up to my room. Ashley had left a few hours ago, saying something about Chelsea and how the was sure she about getting Spencer back…I don't know, I wasn't exactly paying attention. I was too worried about what was about to happen with the boy of my dreams and this whole 'talk' we were going to have. I guess one of us should start…

"So…"

"So…"

Wow, he's just as nervous as me. Good to know. Makes me feel a little bit better at least.

"How've you been?"

"How do you think I've been Aiden?"

"Right…sorry."

"Yeah…"

That's it Kyla, keep up that tough girl front. Ashley's taught you well.

"M-maybe I should just go…"

Awww he's so cute when he's nervous! DAMN IT! No Kyla, don't you dare fold! Not after all he's done. Don't go looking into those…cute, emerald green eyes…those puppy dog eyes…SHIT!

"NO! I-I mean, you don't have to. I really want to talk to you…"

"I really want to talk to you too."

"Ok, so…what was so important that you couldn't say it over the phone?"

"Um…"

"Um? Is that it?"

"Uhhh…"

"Aiden, if that's all you're going to say then maybe you should le--"

"I'm in love with you."

Wait? What was that? Did everyone else hear that? Mic check. Check 1, check 1-2. Check 1-2.

"What?"

"I'm in love with you Kyla."

That's what I thought you said…

"That's what I thought you said…"

"Do you see why I couldn't do this over the phone?"

"Uh yeah…but, wait. I thought you were 'so in love' with Ashley. Where the hell did these feelings for me come from?"

"She and I had a talk…she helped me realize some things."

"Oh really? Like what?"

"Like what she and I had is in the past, and it's completely done."

"That it?"

"No. She helped me realize that I know pretty much the bare facts about her, but when it comes to you…I know everything."

"Ok, so?"

"So, she told me to do some 'soul searching' if you will. Ya know, take time to myself. Really think about my feelings…"

"Uh huh…"

He sounds like such a chick right now…

"God I sound like such a chick right now…"

Um creepy mind reader much?

"Anyways, I did and I realized that…I am in fact, completely, utterly, and absolutely in love with you Kyla."

Jumping for joy, squealing with delight, screaming at the top of my lungs loud enough to wake the freakin dead! That's what I'd be doing right now if I was letting him off easy. But no, after all he did…he can't get what he wants right away. I'm not getting my heart broken again. I refuse.

"You realize I'm still mad at you right? For everything you did."

"I know…and I'm lucky you're even talking to me. I know you hate me and everything but…"

"Aiden, I don't hate you. I can't hate you anymore. Sure I gave the best of myself to be with you the first time, but I'm willing to try again."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. But we're taking it slow ok? We're not rushing into this. I know I said I didn't want to before but, I think we need to start out as friends, and see where we go from there."

"Friends? Are you su-"

"Yes Aiden, I'm sure. It's for the best and you know it. If we're going to work out, we have to do this the right way. We just jumped into it last time, we're not gonna do that this time."

"Ok. Let's do it. But, I need to know…"

"You need to know what?"

"Do you…are you…"

Uh oh…truth or fib…truth or fib…truth…or fib…

"Yes."

Truth it is I guess.

"Yes?"

Are you deaf man?!

"Yes, I do love you. And yes, I am in love with you."

"Nice!"

That's it? Wow, what a charmer he is…

"You're so retarded."

"You love it."

"I guess I do."

He's got a big enough ego, no need to inflate it anymore…

We got up and hugged. It was so nice being in his arms again. Ugh, pretty much melted right there. Now I know what Frosty the snowman felt like after he went into that greenhouse. Aiden kissed me on the top of my head and we stayed in each others arms a little while longer.

"Can I ask you something?"

I pulled away and looked up at him.

"Sure."

"Do you think Spencer will ever forgive me?"

"I don't know Aid. That all depends on what happens with Ashley I guess."

"She was still in love with her when we were together…"

Well THERE'S a shocker. Alert the media, my boy is a damn rocket scientist. Pretty sure they could see Ashley wanting Spencer from the space shuttle. Ohh that's a good one…so tempting to say, but I can't. It's too mean. So what CAN I say?

"I know, she told me."

That'll work.

"I guess it's ok though. You know why?"

"Why?"

"Because I was in love with you while I was with her. So we're totally even!"

I grinned and leaned up and gave him a peck on the cheek and suggested we go out to dinner.

Life was really starting to look up. I just hope everything goes this well for Ashley.


	10. I Want You Back

**A/N:** I'm feeling generous, so here's another update! Ok first I wanna say thank you to everyone that has reviewed. It's nice to see! Second, I'm sad to say this is almost over. :-(. And third, xxsonrocksxx you make me chuckle! Your explanation of Spencer's situation was perfect haha! Only if you think about it, technically it's not her girlfriend, it's her ex as well. A whole crazy mess of ex's. Ahh thus the life of a South teen.

* * *

**I Want You Back**

_It's hard to say I'm sorry. It's hard to make the things I did undone. A lesson I've learned too well, for sure. So don't hang up the phone now, I'm tryin to figure out just what to do. I'm goin crazy without you. You're all I ever wanted. You're all I ever needed, so tell me what to do now, when I want you back._

What the hell? Why am I thinking about N'Sync at a time like this? Oh…wait…because that's what I'm going to be saying to Spencer if I absolutely have to. If she even shows up that is…

I managed to get Chelsea to help me out, thank god. She was pretty much my last resort.

"_Chelsea thank you so, so, so, so, SO much! Oh my god, you have no idea how much this means. Seriously, if you ever need ANYTHING just ask and it's yours!"_

"_Ash, calm down. Breathe with me now, in and out."_

"_Ok, sorry…it's just…I screwed up MAJORLY with Spencer and you're pretty much my only hope of getting her here tonight. Ugh how could I have made such a big mess Chels?"_

"_Ash it's ok, really. You made a mess yes, but you're trying to make it right. That's what counts. I just need to tell you now though, that if and when you and Spencer get back together you need to be more aware of what's going on in your head and in your heart. You need to talk to her about stuff ok? Don't just let things sit inside and end up in an even worse mess than this. I know it's hard for you to open up, but this is Spencer we're talking about. You know you can trust her and you know she'll do what she can to help."_

"_I know…I know…I'm just really scared."_

"_Why?"_

"_What if she doesn't love me anymore? What if she's moved on? What if this time I lost everything?"_

"_Stop playing the 'What if' game girl! You're psyching yourself out that way. I know for a fact she still loves you. She told me…but I wasn't supposed to say anything. She misses you like crazy."_

"_I miss her too…I need her in my life and I refuse to let her go without a fight."_

"_That's the Ashley Davies I know! So what's the plan?"_

I told her the plan; get Spencer to the art studio at 8pm. Simple if you think about it. All she has to do is tell her she needs help with a project and bam, Spencer's there. Such a good heart my girl has.

She still loves me. There's still hope for us. Chelsea confirmed it. Stay strong. Don't let her go. Not again. Not ever.

I checked my phone…

**_7:59_** "Only one more min--"

"Chelsea what's going on?"

Oh crap…where's the bathroom? I'm gonna hurl…she's gonna hate me…she's gonna be pissed and run…

"Nothing, I forgot something in the car, just go in and I'll be right back."

Should I hide? Maybe I have time to—

"Ok. I-. Ashley?"

Guess not…oh god…say something you idiot!

"Uh…"

Oh yeah, that's good…

"Ashley, what the hell are you doing here? What's going on?"

"Spencer, we need to talk."

"Oh no. I told you last night…or…this morning…whatever, I told you that I **don't** want to hear it. You came in loud and clear that night in the hospital."

"Spencer about that…"

"What? I get it Ash, you love Aiden. You always have and you always will. End of story. End of us. You didn't love me and you never will."

Is she serious? She can't be.

"I really wish you would just let me move on. Just tell me it's over ok? I'm sick of pining away for you when I know it's pointless."

I guess she is serious…

"It's not pointless Spence."

"Are you high? Seriously have you been doing drugs again? It IS pointless, you're with Aiden. You left me, in the hospital, on prom night…it was supposed to be about US and you once again made it about _him. _Big surprise there…you always made him priority when we were together."

Ouch…I deserve a lot worse than that though.

"Spence I'm sorry."

"Don't Ashley…just…don't."

Ok that sounded way too familiar…she was about to leave so I yelled for her.

"SPENCER WAIT!"

She turned back around, face contorted in pure rage.

"WHAT ASHLEY?! WHAT DO YOU WANT? Do you want this damn bracelet back? Fine take it! But you know what? I want my heart back! I want my heart back in the condition it was when I gave it to you; not shattered into a million tiny pieces. Can you do that? No, you can't. There's only one way you could do it and there's no way you can."

She threw the bracelet at my feet and turned to leave again, so I went to my last resort…

"It's hard to say I'm sorry. It's hard to make the things I did undone. A lesson I've learned too well, for sure. So don't walk out the door now, I'm tryin to figure out just what to do. I'm goin crazy without you. You're all I ever wanted. You're all I ever needed, so tell me what to do now, when I want you back."

She stopped dead in her tracks, turned slightly so she was looking me in the eyes, confusion running ramped through them.

"What?"

It was almost a whisper. All the anger seemed to have melted from her body, now her face was the image of someone either completely perplexed, someone who just found out their dog died, or a mixture of the two.

"I want you back Spencer. I was such an idiot for ever leaving you for Aiden. I realized that. I got back with him because I felt guilty. About what I'm not really sure, but I know it was guilt that drove me to be with him again. I mistook it for love, and I'm an idiot. I broke it off with him. It's completely over this time, I swear it. I know you deserve someone so much better than me, but I can't stop thinking about you Spence. Every single night I lie awake in bed just thinking about you. Every minute that passes is like an eternity because you're not there in my arms. You're not there in my life. If you give me another chance I swear I'll spend every single day making it up to you. I'll wait on you hand and foot, carry your books, give you piggyback rides to class, do your laundry…anything you want! You're my one and only true love Spencer Carlin, I can't and I won't lose you again. So tell me what to do, tell me what to do to get you back, I'll do anything it takes. Hell, I just quoted N'Sync! That has to tell you something! I need you Spencer…I'm so in love with you that it hurts. It hurts so bad to not be with you, but it hurts so good when I am. Please Spence…please take me back…"

She stared at me for a few seconds. Dumbfounded to say the least, then her eyes got wide and I blinked; a split second involuntary motion of one's eyelids; and when the blink was over, she was gone. Nowhere in sight. I knelt down and picked up the bracelet, just staring at it.

"Fuck…"


	11. Runaway

**Runaway**

"_It's hard to say I'm sorry. It's hard to make the things I did undone. A lesson I've learned too well, for sure. So don't walk out the door now, I'm tryin to figure out just what to do. I'm goin crazy without you. You're all I ever wanted. You're all I ever needed, so tell me what to do now, when I want you back."_

_I stopped dead in my tracks, turned slightly so I was looking her in the eyes, confusion running ramped through them._

"_What?"_

_It was almost a whisper. All the anger seemed to have melted from my body, now I'm sure my face was the exact image of…hell, I don't even know what my face would look like…I was shocked…no idea what to do or say._

"_I want you back Spencer. I was such an idiot for ever leaving you for Aiden. I realized that. I got back with him because I felt guilty. About what I'm not really sure, but I know it was guilt that drove me to be with him again. I mistook it for love, and I'm an idiot. I broke it off with him. It's completely over this time, I swear it. I know you deserve someone so much better than me, but I can't stop thinking about you Spence. Every single night I lie awake in bed just thinking about you. Every minute that passes is like an eternity because you're not there in my arms. You're not there in my life. If you give me another chance I swear I'll spend every single day making it up to you. I'll wait on you hand and foot, carry your books, give you piggyback rides to class, do your laundry…anything you want! You're my one and only true love Spencer Carlin, I can't and I won't lose you again. So tell me what to do, tell me what to do to get you back, I'll do anything it takes. Hell, I just quoted N'Sync! That has to tell you something! I need you Spencer…I'm so in love with you that it hurts. It hurts so bad to not be with you, but it hurts so good when I am. Please Spence…please take me back…"_

_I stared at her for a few seconds. Dumbfounded to say the least, then my eyes got wide and she blinked; a split second involuntary motion of one's eyelids; and when the blink was over, I was gone._

I seized the moment and ran with it…literally. I sprinted so fast out of that building that I'm pretty sure I set a new land speed record. I bypassed Chelsea entirely, knowing she was in on this. I couldn't talk to her right now…I couldn't talk to anyone. I needed to process this. All of it.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK! Why did I run? She just told me everything I wanted and needed to hear. Or did she? Yes, it's true, she did tell me everything I _wanted_ to hear…but did she say it just for that reason? Or did she actually mean it? As the old saying goes, actions speak louder than words…and over the past month she's done nothing but hurt me. She did seem genuine in what she was saying though. And she _did_ quote N'Sync which is something Ashley Davies would never do unless she was absolutely desperate to make her point…

I've been running for a good 10 minutes, still in sprint mode. It's getting hard to breathe so I slow it down to a brisk speed walk. There's a park just up the block, pretty close to my house, with some bomb ass swings, I'll take a breather there.

"Wait a minute…did I just say, or rather think, bomb ass? What the hell?"

Well that was weird. Anyways, it's my special thinking place; I've never told anyone about it…not even Ashley. I've done a lot of heavy decision making here, as well as a lot of soul searching. It's nice to just come here, this playground apparently long since forgotten, and shut the metaphorical door on the world, and be able to open my mind up freely; no one around to intrude upon me.

I sit on my favorite swing, third from the right, and catch my breath, swaying slightly in the wake of the utter force I let out when I 'parked it like it's hot'.

"Thank you Snoop Dogg…"

Rolling my eyes I put both my feet down on the ground and pushed off hard, pumping my legs nonstop til I got a good amount of height. It's funny, swinging is exactly like life. You start out not moving until you're ready, and once you do start you build up momentum taking you higher and higher until some force slows you down and you come back to a halt. Whether the halt in question is death, a personal choice, or someone else's actions all depends on the situation. In this case it's my choice of what to do, take Ashley back or don't. Follow my heart or move on. Oh, and of course gravity.

I am still in love with her. I doubt that will ever change. She was my first time. Not in the technical sense I suppose, but in the emotional sense. I wasn't in love with the boy back in Ohio, not even close. He wasn't sweet and gentle. He wasn't soft and sensual. He was just…a boy. A boy that didn't know what the hell he was doing. He didn't ask if I was ok like she did. He didn't hold me when we were finished like she did. He did say he loved me…but that's typical for guys. Tell the girl what she wants or needs to hear to help justify what she just did. He didn't mean it the way she did. He didn't love me like she did…he didn't love me at all. She did. She does.

Or does she? How many times did she ever tell me that she loved me outside of when we were finished making love? I could count on one hand. So did we really ever make love? Or did we just 'have sex'. Just that thought alone makes me cringe. For me it was making love…for her though? I couldn't tell you. I don't really know. I don't know anything anymore.

"DAMN IT! I don't know what I'm supposed to do…"

I've been here for at least half an hour. I don't know, kinda lost track of time. That's ok. I don't exactly have anywhere to be. It is pretty dark though so I decide to head home. This is one of those times I'm glad that park is so close to my house. L.A. is definitely not the best place to be walking around alone at night, even if you're in a residential area.

I got home about 10 minutes later and the house was totally quiet. Mom and dad were out for the night, Clay was hanging out with Sean, Glen was probably hanging out with Madison, and Chelsea probably stayed back at the art studio with Ashley.

"Ugh Ashley…what am I gonna do?"

I contemplated this as I went up the stairs. When I got to the top I noticed my bedroom door was closed, but the light was on.

"Um, pretty sure I turned that off before we left. Mom must have gone in there looking for make up or something."

I opened my door and there, sitting on my bed, was the last person I ever expected to see.

"Ashley?"


	12. Your Guardian Angel

**Your Guardian Angel**

_I've been sitting here for a good twenty minutes now, just waiting. Waiting for her to walk through that door and hopefully refraining from running out again. If she did run again though, I'd go after her…no doubt. I'd run after her, spin her around, and kiss her like there was no tomorrow; just to prove to her how much I love her. I'd go down to the bottom of the god damn Atlantic ocean to get that stupid diamond the old lady dropped down there if she asked me to. Anything she asked me to do, I'd do it. No hesitation. I made that mistake once, which led to another mistake (going out with Aiden again), which effectively led me to the biggest mistake (not talking to Spencer for a month). I've said it so many times and I doubt that I'll ever stop saying it…I'm an idiot. Capital I.D.I.O.T. End of story._

_I was starting to lose hope of her coming home anytime soon and I was ready to just call it quits. That was until I heard her coming up the stairs, making her way to the door, turning the knob, walking in…and a look of complete shock spread across her face._

"_Ashley?"_

"Hey Spence…"

"What the hell are you doing here? How did you even get in?"

"Chelsea gave me a key."

"I'll kill her."

"Spence just calm—"

"No Ashley! I will not calm down! Oh and by the way you're _not_ allowed to call me Spence anymore. You gave up that privilege on prom night."

She was seething to say the very least. I could see it in her eyes that she was pretty much ready to murder, but I needed to talk to her. I needed her to understand. I needed her.

"Spencer. Listen. Before you freak out anymore just please listen to what I have to say."

"Ashley I can't do this. I just…I can't. It hurts too much."

"Please Spencer…please don't do this."

"Just leave Ashley."

I could feel the tears coming again. Damn it, I can't break down…not now. She needs to see. I stood up from the bed and with as much resolve I had, I spoke.

"I can't do that."

She looked me in the eye; I could see all the pain there. She was trying just as hard as I was not to cry.

"Get. Out."

"I can't Spence. Because if I do, I know I'll be making the second biggest mistake of my life. I refuse to just walk out on you again. I would never forgive myself. My first mistake was ever letting you go in the first place. I'm not losing you again Spencer Carlin. You're going to have to drag me down the stairs and throw me out of the house to make me leave."

She clenched her jaw a few times, debating what to do I guess. In the end she decided to do just what I'd said. She grabbed me by the elbow, pulled me down the stairs, opened the front door and pushed me out; slamming the door in my face as if to make her point more than clear.

I had a feeling it would come down to this, so I went to my car. Opening the trunk I rifled through the contents, I saw the spare tire and smirked.

"Never leaving home without that bad boy again."

I found what I was looking for and closed the trunk. I rushed around the side of the house, situating myself outside her open bedroom window and pulled it out; my red cherry wood acoustic guitar. It was so smooth and it shone in the moonlight with a brilliant gleam. Having already tuned it prior to my arrival I began to play.

"When I see your smile  
Tears run down my face I can't replace  
And now that I'm strong I have figured out  
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul  
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall  
I'll stand up with you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.  
Seasons are changing  
And waves are crashing  
And stars are falling all for us  
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter  
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)  
I'll stand up with you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart  
Please don't throw that away  
Cuz I'm here for you  
Please don't walk away and  
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will  
Pull my strings just for a thrill  
And I know I'll be okay  
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall  
I'll stand up with you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven."

I stood there and waited, for what seemed like an eternity, for something, anything to happen. Her bedroom light remained on, her window still open, and yet…nothing. She hadn't even come to the window while I played. I began toying with the idea of either A. kicking down the door, charging up the stairs, kicking down her bedroom door and doing things to her that she'd never even dreamed of, or B. going all Spiderman and scaling my ass up the wall and through her window, just to see her face. I realized that option b would probably end up doing more harm to me than I'd really wanted and option a wouldn't exactly work because granted I was strong for such a little girl, but even I couldn't kick down a door, much less two. So I decided to leave. There really wasn't anything else I could do. I'd done everything possible.

I turned back towards my guitar case and was shocked at what I found…

"Spencer?"

"Did you mean it?"

She had tears running down her face, staining her cheeks. But even then she looked so amazingly beautiful. Looking her straight in the eye, I told her.

"Every word."

She didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. We couldn't, our mouths were too preoccupied with each other. As soon as I'd said 'every word' she merely nodded and lunged at me, pulling me in and planting what could be described as the most intense, hot, burning, passionate, love filled kiss I'd ever experienced in my life. She wrapped her arms around my neck willing me closer, and I granted it. I wrapped my arms around her waist, wanting as much contact as possible. We continued until that whole issue of breathing caused us to stop.

We pulled apart, foreheads resting on one another and panting like we'd just run a marathon…which, I guess if you think about it…we had. Only, it was an emotional marathon. One I never plan to take again.

"So I guess this means you forgive me?"

"You could say that."

She had a sly grin on her face.

"God I missed you so much Spence. You have no idea."

"Oh I think I do…I love you Ash."

"I love you too. Always and forever."

"Forever."

We walked back into the house, hands intertwined and eyes never breaking contact. And all was right with the world.

**The End**


End file.

South of Nowhere, Drama, Romance