Bleach Welcome to Miss, no, Mister Soul Society!

This is set sometime into the future, hopefully after all the trouble with the Arrancar got fixed. Things in SS are back to normal, the empty positions are being filled, and I assume, of course, that no one died. Don't find it strange that Gin pops up... just pretend he had some redempting trump card up his sleeve... I like the fox-faced bastard too much not to put him here.

Disclaimer: Yeah. No profit, or else instead of offering Naruto's sleeping hat, I would have offered a zanpakutou to Yuki-chan. Who's a guy, despite the name. snickers

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"… I don't get it."

For Hitsugaya Toushirou himself to utter those words without any sort of coercion could only mean one of two things: Either some kind of astounding event had ocurred and was signaling the end of the world as he knew it, or that was a mod-soul inside his body. Since the latter was impossible in disembodied Soul Society, then something truly mindblowing was happening.

Before a scaringly gleeful Shunsui could repeat himself, Matsumoto put a hand on her captain's shoulder.

"And you don't need to. It's not as if you're taking part on it."

"Matsumoto-san!" Shunsui turned mischievous eyes on her "He's a captain too."

"He's a kid!" She countered.

"Hey!"

"But a captain nontheless. He's subjected to votation, and if he gets chos--"

"He hasn't even hit puberty yet!"

"HEY!"

That made them stop and turn to the 10th captain, whose face was both angered and hilariously flushed.

"Don't talk as if I'm a child! I've grown, you know!" Ah. The red face was definitely embarrasment, and Matsumoto let a smirk grace her lips at the sight of the usually unflappable boy getting all his buttons pushed. "I'm taller! I'm stronger! And I'm definitely way past puber--" He finally realised just where his mouth was taking him, and stopped the ranting before he regretted it. Settling an annoyed expression on his face, he willed Shunsui to explain again.

"Hitsugaya-kun, it's simple: Yama-jii was quite surprised to have such a fierce gambling competitor in Shiba-san. That wouldn't concern us but, as of yesterday, she became the winner of a particular bet that has, uhm, consequences for us captains..."

"I already figured that out."

"So, bet was, if she lost, there would be a private 1st division show involving her and some shinigami ladies. Yama-jii is so selfish. If Nanao-chan got on a catwalk, I think we should all be allowed to see such a rare--"

"Captain."

"Ah, yes. She won. So her request will be carried out. You've noticed the abnormal amount of giggling around the Court today? Particularly when a captain is nearby?"

A stray giggle was heard as if on cue, coming from a rookie girl standing near the door with his 13th officer, Natsu. She shut up immediatly after noticing two captains and her liutenant staring. Grinning, Shunsui continued:

"You see, the old man betted _us_. So now we'll have to engage in a... beauty contest.. with the Shinigami Woman Association as a jury."

Hitsugaya was silent. For a long time. At last he turned to Matsumoto.

"As much as it pains me to do so, I have to admit that you're righ. I'm a kid, and I want nothing to do with that." He stated, walking out of the door. Shunsui faked a shocked look.

"Hitsugaya-kun! How can you say that?" His face soon turned leering. "Now when you're finally tall enough to check on Matsumoto-san's cleavage without having her sit down!"

Hitsugaya's stoic control was comendable. He didn't rise to the taunt, and actually kept walking. Still, people on the Court wondered why was a red shrimp walking around dressed in Captain robes that afternoon.

----

The sun was setting behind the buildings, but it wasn't noticed by the two most recent captains sparring away a day's worth of stress. Specially because the day had been everything but a normal one. Also because news of their impending catwalk doom had been reported to them. And even more so because two other men were sitting by smirking, snickering and sometimes whistling. Tetsuzaemon did the whistling, and Yumichika provided the lame jokes.

Renji stopped suddently, gripping the bokken so tight the wood creaked. One more taunt. Just one more...

"Aw, such a nice pose. Make sure you use that, and you'll wipe out the competition!"

"THAT DOES IT!"

It hadn't been him, but Renji wholeheartedly agreed. So when Ikkaku stormed past him screaming bloody murder, he just followed the bald man, thoughts of smashing a fist in pretty boy's face making him grin like crazy.

"Yumichika! I'm gonna rip off those eyebrows and make you eat them!" Ah, well. So much for pretty boy. Still, Tetsuzaemon was a good replacement, since the liutenant had even advised Renji to wear a bikini.

They were out of training grounds in a flash, speeding down the streets scaring off the rookies, and running over a few unfortunate ones. Spotting a familiar head of unruly hair Ikkaku shouted out:

"Hisagi! Stop them!"

Caught by surprise, the 9th division liutenant took his time to figure out the scene before him. His captain and the fifth division captain closing in on Yumichika and Tetsuzaemon, who looked like painful torture followed by slow death was what awaited them if they stopped. It didn't take long for him to realise that, somehow, that dreaded bet was at the center of the spectacle. With a suffering sigh he reached out a sly foot, casually tripping Yumichika who went down, arms pinwheeling madly. Tetsuzaemon got away but then, he had nothing on the guy, honestly. Unlike a certain reiatsu-sucking soulslayer possessing fruitcake.

The captains skidded to a clumsy halt.

"Thanks!" Ikkaku said between gasps.

"His fault for messing with you guys."

"Yeah. Smart people know when to shut up." Renji said, yanking Yumichika up by his collar, making the other man squeak. Hisagi watched them for a moment before giving up on his growing smirk.

"I'm going to save my jokes for the actual competition."

Both captains froze.

Some streets away...

"Really, Kira-kun. It must be a joke." Hinamori had just returned with two steaming cups of tea, handing one to him, and settling herself on their perch overlooking the bustle of a day's work ending.

"It doesn't seem so. Thank you." He took his cup from her "Ichimaru-taichou seemed particularly eager to discuss things."

"Why?"

Kira grinned.

"Something to do with Kuchiki-taichou. He was most eager to discuss things with _him_."

They both laughed.

"Can you imagine _Kuchiki-taichou_ doing.. parading.."

"Strutting!"

"Skipping!"

"Modeling!"

"Danc--"

They both stopped short as they haphazard figure of Hisagi came into view, running down the street at a fast pace.

"What... was that?"

"Hisagi-fukutaichou, I believe." Hinamori happily quipped.

-------

News in the Court of Pure Soul spreaded easily, and even more so when they concerned the female population. Despite that, the next day found some people still not knowing, not believing or simply not caring. Kuchiki Byakuya ferverentely wished he was part of the last group, as was usual of him. Nothing ever phased the broody noble, or so it had seemed until the day before. But then, dressing up and parading like merchandise in front of women was something unconceivable. Again, he though with a sigh, until the day before. And when Rukia, talking to other liutenants, mentioned that in contests in the Living World the final contestants had to do a "swimsuit show", he had lost a little grace, and actually stooped so low as to step in the conversation, kindly steer her away from prying ears, and ask what a swimsuit was.

Now he was resolutely heading to the first division. He would knock some sense into Yamamoto-sama if he had to. There wa absolutely no point whatsoever in disgracing his captains over an idiotic bet. As he neared the division, he was secretely happy to find support in the form of Ukitake-taichou. He was not, however, happy to see a wailing 3rd officer trailing after him and begging her captain to give it a try. A sideways look showed him the other 3rd officer, too busy laughing to be of any assistance. His eyebrow twitched, and he had to remember himself that the worthless excuse for a shinigami was laughing at his companion, and not at him. Senbonzakura happily piped in to mention a dozen different ways to strip the meat off his bones and roast the mongrel in his own sake. He decided to ignore them both.

Ahead of them stood the gates and, tohis surprise, Komamura-taichou and Hitsugaya-taichou came out, closely followed by Zaraki-taichou.

"It's useless to go in." Komamura said curtly. Beside him Hitsugaya was strangely red. And Zaraki simply looked annoyed. "Not even my appearance or Hitsugaya-kun's infancy managed to sway Yamamoto-sama."

"And he won't put in a duel!" Zaraki vented out. "All the captains standing off, and I don't even get one punch in! Total waste of my friggin' time." With that the 11th captain stormed off, bells jiggling more than usual.

In the silence that ensued, Ukitake's lone voice was heard:

"Does he actually know what the competition is about?..."

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That's that... more to come soon!

By the way, sorry for any mistakes, I'm not a native speaker, nor does my pc have english correction. On top of that, this was done in the spur of the moment, when I should have been studying biochemistry... Ah, well...

Hope you enjoyed, and feel free to voice opinions onn everything, even your captains of choice, since I didn't choose yet who's going to be tortured all the way to the 10 final, 5 final and etc's.


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Bleach, Humor, Parody