G. I. Joe Please Collect Your Parachute At The Front Door

Disclaimer: Any familiar characters in the following story do not belong to me, nor does the concepts that lie within. There, that should keep me from getting sued.

Please Collect Your Parachute at the Front Door

**"COBRA ASSEMBLE!"**

That same shriek came from the loud speakers, meaning one of two things. Either a new plan, or the GI JOE Special Forces Unit had showed up itching for a fight. Whichever it was, it was now time for Cobra Commander to show his hooded face, or at times his masked face, depending on his mood.

And like any good drones we all dropped what we were doing and immediately came to attention. Say what you will about Cobra, but at least we're disciplined. The Joes had probably never even heard of the word uniformity. How those guys ever succeeded in the real Army is beyond me.

Oh yeah, I just realized I'd yet to introduce myself, John Mercadee, Cobra Troop Number 28930, i.e. another faceless troop in a sea of blue, black, and red. Originally I planned to join Cobra because I was just a small-town gang banger, with delusions of grandeur. Yet when I realized that there was no grandeur to be gained, it was too late, I was stuck.

"My Cobra Troops it is time to bring the world to their knees, and tremble at the coils of Cobra."

That decides it then, looks like a new crazy plan from our esteemed leader, Cobra Commander. I mean if nothing else, you have to admire the man, he's always focused on one goal, and lets nothing deter him, despite the overwhelming odds that are against him.

Also call him what you will, the man obviously has some smarts to him, how else can you explain the way he can afford all the things he can. Have you see the state-of-art training centers we have, for heaven's sake, there's one built under the Arctic ice. Plus you can't forget the countless number of snake-themed clubs, bars, gyms, and such. And the technology we use in our attempt at world gain. There's no denying the impressiveness of it.

"We shall begin by eliminating..."

Okay another staple of his plans involve eliminating large things, such as major cities, and we usually get pretty freakin close. Sure we'd be more effective if we had zeroed weapons, and any training in marksmanship, but there are more important things to take care of first. For example learning how to properly jettison from helicopters and parachute to safety is a high priority for Cobra troops, and trust me, it's not as easy as it seems. Sure the JOE's do it too, but it usually gets them caught up in a deviously set trap, and rarely do we ever get caught after parachuting, meaning we're a bit better.

"Troop Sector 3 shall follow Destro, Sector 4 with The Baroness."

See no individualism we all look the same, train the same, and pretty much are the same. A benefit of the sameness means that we all know and do each other's jobs equally well. There are no real individuals outside of the upper echelon of command. The Joes on the other hand have people specialized in certain fields, but there is very little cross-training, so if they don't need say a mountain climber, or someone with skis, then that leaves someone back doing nothing.

Uniform appearance also marks the well-disciplined mentality of the Cobra troops. There are no foot-ball jerseys or other outrageous gear often worn by the Joes. There is simply, crisp blue, with a red or white Cobra emblem, black belt, an equally blue helmet and we always wear out knee pads, Cobra looks after their troops and their safety. Only a couple of JOEs wear any type of protective gear, leading me to assume they're all just cocky. The only non-uniform Cobras are usually just hired hands and/or mercs.

"Prepare for DOMINATION!"

So in closing, though I joined Cobra for all the wrong reasons, it has given many valuable skills for life. Survival, discipline, cross-training in multiple fields, and respect for authority without question all help make up the foundation of our organization. Let's face it, in today's market these things are necessary skills, and I know without a doubt if and when I leave the esteemed ranks of COBRA I'll be prepared to face a demanding market.

Without these skills I can never be truly successful. So let it ring out, loud and true.

**COBRA!**

Fin.

Public Service Announcement:

_"Gee whiz Tony looks like someone left that road kill in the middle of the street, maybe we should poke it with a stick."_

_"Yeah Jake that sounds like fun."_

_*Out of nowhere* "Now, now kids that's not a good idea."_

_Jake & Tony: "Wow! You're Destro."_

_"That's right kids, and I'm here to tell you that an animal carcass isn't meant to be poked, they can actually be used for many useful things. Such as planting explosives to catch vehicles off guard, or used to transmit nasty and dangerous germs and diseases into unsuspecting people."_

_Jake & Tony, "Wow Destro, that's neat. Now we know."_

_"That's right kids, and knowing in half the battle."_


End file.

G. I. Joe, Humor