South of Nowhere 1. Chapter 1: Graduation

Today, I am officially a college graduate. Again. My name is Spencer Carlin and I just got a little piece of paper that says I have my Masters in Film Television and Digital Media from UCLA. Oh, and about sixty grand in student debt to go with it. That is one expensive piece of paper. It didn't even come with a guaranteed job.

I didn't want to attend the ceremony, but my parents basically forced me to do this one last thing for them before I became a legitimate adult. I realize that I'm 24 years old, but I still live the college lifestyle so I'm in kind of a weird lady-child stage that even I wouldn't classify as adult.

For my parents, image is a big deal. We were always the perfect family, church on Sundays, good grades a must and involvement in as many extracurricular activities as we could. Even though film-making isn't a practical decision, my parents were still supportive of my dream, which was great.

I'm really passionate about film-making and for me, four years wasn't enough so I decided to take the extra two year stint and get my masters. While the experience was invaluable for me, it didn't necessarily translate to employers. This was fine with me, because I needed to check off a few items on my bucket list before I lose sight of what's important to me in this moment.

I thought about traveling, but I do want to stay in the area while I look for jobs. Luckily for me, the lease on my apartment isn't up until July, so I have some time before I have to crawl back and live with mom and dad. That would be my last resort and I will go on record now to say it would be the worst day of my life as well.

At least I have a part time job working at a portrait studio. It's not film-making, but it still involves capturing subjects on paper, so I decided it would be good experience also. Mind you, I'm certainly not raking in the dough and I still cringe at the shrieking babies, but it pays the bills.

As I make the way through the crowd of people milling around after the ceremony, I think about all the things I want to accomplish this summer before the world sneaks up on me. Of all the items, I decide that learning to play guitar is going to be my first. Finally, I see my mom and dad waving like complete idiots trying to get my attention. My dad is filming me, which makes me really nervous. I prefer to be on the other side of the camera most of the time. My brother Glen is with them and my boyfriend, Patrick.

I cringe inwardly at the sight of him and I'm not sure why. Patrick seems like a great guy. When my mom fixed us up last year, I was drawn to him. She had actually not done a bad job. He was kind and sweet and made me laugh, but there was something missing, for me anyways. He had already started his job at an accounting firm about eight months ago and he was ready to start a life with me.

That thought alone frightened me and I knew that I shouldn't feel that way. Making matters worse, my mom kept offering not-so-subtle hints about weddings and engagement rings. I was feeling a lot of pressure and knew I was at a critical point with Patrick. He deserved to have someone who did want to spend the rest of their life with him and I knew it wasn't going to be me. There just never seemed to be the right time to tell him. He was always the perfect boyfriend, which never makes it any easier.

Before I knew it, I was swallowed up in a hug from my dad. He lifted me off the ground, spinning me like I was a rag doll. This is a little embarrassing for a graduation ceremony, but I was beaming. I was, am, and will always be a Daddy's girl. "Congratulations, Spence!" he exclaimed as he set me back on the ground.

"I'm so proud of you, honey," My mom offered and pulled me into a much more formal, but still loving hug. She tried to hold back tears and she pressed a bouquet of roses into my arms.

Glen just sat there scratching his head and finally said, "Well, at least you didn't trip on the stage like you did at your undergraduate ceremony, spaz!"

I punched him right in the shoulder and he rubbed it gingerly. I know it didn't hurt him, but he always was the drama queen.

Finally, Patrick pressed a kiss to my cheek and handed me another bouquet of flowers: these ones were irises, my favorite. Dammit! Why couldn't I be in love with this guy?

"Congratulations baby," he said and took my diploma and cap.

I unzipped my gown and draped it over Patrick's waiting arm. I always felt like a phony in my commencement gear. I know I earned it, but it just wasn't my thing.

"Wow, you look amazing," he whispered into my ear as he looked me over.

I have to admit, I was looking pretty hot tonight. I had worn a white skirt and blue tank top, which made my eyes pop even more. Today, I opted to straighten my blond locks and the cap hadn't managed to mess up my hair too badly. I wore a little more makeup than usual for the special occasion and self consciously dabbed beneath my eyelashes to make sure there was no black mascara smudges.

Thankfully, my family was okay with my decision to wait until later to have a celebratory dinner. I thanked them for coming and waved as they headed towards their car in the parking lot.

Patrick walked with me to my car. Conversation had always been easy between us and tonight was no exception. When we reached my car, I put the flowers and cap and gown in the back seat. We had driven separately since I had to be here much earlier than it actually began.

"Spencer, do you want to come over tonight?" Patrick asked.

Guilt washed over me again as my eyes met his. I could see him look at me in a way that I could never return. I shifted awkwardly on my feet as I thought of what to say.

"I'm sorry. It's just that today's been such a long day. I'm really tired, so I'm just going straight to bed anyways and I know you have to be up early for work tomorrow," I explained.

For some reason, my commencement ceremony was on a Thursday night. Strange, I know. In this moment, though I was thankful for that. He tried his best to hide the disappointment, but failed. I was so mad at myself, it made me sick. I knew I needed to end this soon.

"Okay," he said. He scooped a finger under my chin and kissed me softly. Even though I had been a cock-blocking bitch, he was ever the gentleman. "Drive safe and text me when you get home," he said shutting the door behind me.

I pulled out and watched as he made his way to his car, waving as he turned back to me. On the way home, I cried. Everything was changing and I was so scared. When I arrived home, I sat in my car with the radio on, hoping to push out everything that was freaking me out.

When I finally got my shit together, I decided to stop and check the mail on the way to my apartment. My eyes lingered on the bulletin board, where I saw an advertisement for a local music store. Bullet points outlined some of the services offered.

Recording studio.

New and used instruments.

Sheet music.

Piano and guitar lessons.

Bingo. It was a sign. I needed to be a little selfish and take care of these bucket list items. Life was going to move forward and I needed to be in the drivers seat. I ripped the flyer from the wall and wondered if it was too late to call. It was almost ten, but I decided I could at least leave a message before I lost my courage or completely forgot.

As soon as I entered my apartment, I pulled out my cell phone and dialed the number. To my surprise, a man answered on the second ring.

"Hi, I um. I'm calling about the guitar lessons." I stammered into the phone.

"Okay. It's $35 for a half hour lesson or we have a eight week package that includes your choice of a starter acoustic or electric guitar for $400."

I heaved in a deep breath and before I knew it I said, "I'll take the package deal."

"Great. We have an opening tomorrow morning at ten with Davies. Does that work?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said liking the sound of that name, Davies.

"You can decide then which guitar you want. Also, you can pay for the package then, too. What's your name?"

"Spencer. Spencer Carlin." I said.

"See you tomorrow, Spencer."

"See you then."

I hung up the phone and was suddenly glad I had made the call. Before I went to bed, I was on a euphoric high. Things were going to get better. I could feel it.


	2. Chapter 2: First Lesson

The next morning, I woke up early because I wanted to make sure I arrived at the music center with plenty of time. Even with LA traffic being it's normally shitty self, I managed to make it in at 9:45. I walked up to the counter, where I saw a curly haired brunette with her back turned to me, pointing out the drum section to a few guys. As they walked off, she turned around and I was shocked by her beauty.

She had soft pouty lips that were accentuated with pink lip gloss. Her bangs held a streak of blonde, which she promptly swept from her eyes. It was then I noticed how striking her eyes were. Brown and rich, I could get lost in those suckers. And I did.

She cleared her throat. "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I have a lesson at ten with Davies. Do you know where I can find him?" I asked, nervously.

I was pretty sure she noticed me looking her over. She must have gotten that all the time though, because she was stunning. I couldn't put my finger on it, but there was definitely something different about her. Something that made me want to blush.

She cracked a smile, which caused her nose to crinkle in the most adorable way. I've checked out other girls before, but this was starting to get ridiculous. I was straight, after all. Straight and totally not in love with my boyfriend, or any other guy for that matter.

"She's right here," she said accentuating the _she before continuing. " I'm Davies. Ashley Davies to be exact," she said extending her hand and offering me a warm smile._

_I stared at it for a moment, still confused about the entire situation. I extended my hand and felt my hair stand on end as we touched for the first time. It was like a shiver, but hot and it was traveling though my whole body. For a second, I thought maybe it was static electricity, but it hadn't hurt. Neither of us pulled away either, we just stared at each other for a moment._

"_Oh, sorry. I guess I just assumed Davies was going to be some hot British rocker guy," I said sheepishly and retracted my hand from hers._

_She smiled and replied, "Well you got the hot part right."_

_Yes, I did. No brain, you're not supposed to think those things about girls. _

"_I'm Spencer," I continued, not sure what to say after her last comment._

"_Nice to meet you Spencer. We need to get you a guitar, don't we?" _

_I just nodded and agreed, "Nice to meet you too, Ashley."_

_My lips lingered on her name for a moment. I have probably met dozens of Ashley's in my lifetime, but none seemed more suited to that name than her. _

"_Clay, can you take over? My ten o'clock is here!" Ashley yelled to the back of the store._

_An attractive black man jogged up and took his perch behind the counter. Ashley stepped out from behind the counter and if I thought I had problems before, I was in deep shit now. My eyes traced over her torn jeans, which clung to her hips perfectly. She was wearing a Beatles t-shirt, which showed a few inches of her abs, which were flawless. And begging to be touched…_

_Ashley led me over to the guitar section, where there was a display with two starter kits. "Here are your choices. Are you interested in being a total rockstar or more of a singer-songwriter?" _

"_Truthfully, I haven't given it much thought. I did this on a whim. I don't see myself as the rockstar type, so I guess I will go with the acoustic," I decided._

"_Excellent choice," she agreed. "I think you could pull off the rockstar look, but the brooding and sensitive singer-songwriters get all the action. Don't let them fool you with their tortured lyrics."_

_I just laughed as I pictured myself fending off groupies. Somehow, that was never going to happen. Ashley grabbed the box and led me to the private lesson room._

_While she unpacked the guitar from the box, she prodded, "You said this was a whim. Why guitar?" _

_It was a simple enough question, but I wasn't sure how to answer. _

"_It's a long story. I guess it's because I finished school and need something else to keep my brain occupied. I've always loved guitar, but never played. There's a lot that's about to change in my life whether I like it or not, so this is the one change that I have some control over."_

"_Quarter life-crisis?" she asked with a raised eyebrow._

"_You could say that." I acknowledged._

"_Don't worry. I'm in the middle of my own quarter life-crisis too," she sympathized._

_Her hands had worked quickly to attach the strap on the guitar and she handed it over to me. The guitar felt awkward as it hung around my neck. Ashley grabbed an acoustic guitar from a stand in the corner and sat in the chair across from mine._

"_Have you ever played any instruments before?" she asked._

"_I played piano for about four years when I was a kid. Nothing other than that."_

"_Okay, we'll get started with the basics then. If you already know something, you can tell me to shut up or if you have any questions, just ask." _

_I chuckled, but nodded my head in agreement. We spent the first part of the lesson talking a lot about the anatomy of the guitar, how to tune the guitar, and some general things about reading music. _

"_Okay, enough of that. If you're going to write a song during your first week of playing, we need to teach you some chords first, huh?"_

"_I don't think I will be writing anything anytime soon," I retorted._

"_You'll be surprised," she said simply. "G, C, and D chords are the building blocks for some of the greatest classic rock songs."_

"_Three chords?" _

"_Yep and you're going to learn them all today. Let's start with C first." _

_Ashley positioned her hand on her guitar and strummed once. She kept her fingers on the position of the chord and I stared at her fingers while I figured out where mine needed to go on my own guitar. I felt like my hand was going to break if I kept trying to stretch out my fingers. _

"_This is a lot harder than guitar hero," I joked at my own ineptness._

_She let out a raspy chuckle and my breath caught in my throat at the sound. After her laughter subsided, I let out a sigh as my lungs started to work again. Ashley must have mistook this as a sign of frustration and gave me a sympathetic look._

"_You're doing great, Spencer," she encouraged and placed her guitar in the stand. Before I knew it she was kneeling in front of me. _

_She looked up into my eyes and I found myself entranced by her brown eyes again. Up close, I could see there was the slightest hint of yellow and green around her pupils and they became increasingly darker as they reached the whites of her eyes. _

_Her eyes were locked with mine and we were both stayed silent for a few moments. "Do you mind?" she asked shifting her gaze to my fingers, which brought me back to reality._

"_No," I answered softly._

_Ashley gently brushed her fingertips against mine and I felt the wave of heat surging through my body again. It made me almost lightheaded and I felt like I was going to black out. The only thing that kept me conscious was the feeling of her skin on mine. With ease, she contorted my fingers to their correct position on the frets. _

_Her touch broke from mine and I fought off the shiver, but looked down at my left hand and it looked like hers had minutes ago._

"_Try it," she said._

_I plucked the stings with my pick and to my surprise the sound that filled the room sounded just like Ashley's had._

_I smiled, feeling more accomplishment with playing the simple chord than I did last night at my commencement ceremony._

_We finished the lesson with learning the remaining two chords. Ashley helped my fingers on those chords too and I found myself noticing the fruity smell of her shampoo. It's a wonder I was able to accomplish anything with my mind constantly being distracted by Ashley. _

_We walked out into the store and headed back up to the register. "So, you think you'll come back, right? I didn't scare you too much?" she asked half-joking._

"_No, it was great. Thank you," I praised. _

_I glanced at the clock and it was now almost twelve. My lessons were only supposed to be half an hour and I couldn't believe the time we spent together had gone by that fast. _

_She handed me an informational sheet to fill out with my name, address, email, phone number and how I heard about the music center, which I filled out in a few moments. _

_Meanwhile, Ashley rung up everything. We set up our next lesson for Friday at the same time. "It will be $432.50 with tax. How do you want to pay?" she asked._

"_Credit," I said sliding the card across the table towards her. "Is it okay that I took so long? I thought this was only supposed to be thirty minutes and it's already noon. If you need to charge me more, that's okay."_

"_Don't be ridiculous. I don't have anyone coming in until 12:30 anyways. So, it would just be me being bored at the counter all day. It'll be our little secret," she said with a wink._

_I signed the slip and took my receipt. "Thanks again, Ashley. See you next week." _

"_See you, Spencer and don't forget to write that song we talked about."_

_I rolled my eyes and gave her a quick wave as I lugged my guitar out of the store. Suddenly, I was very excited for next Friday._


	3. Chapter 3: Caller ID

A/N: Thank you all for taking the time to review. I need you to keep me honest! *Spoiler Alert ZoMo19* Patrick will not be in the picture for too long. Not that this is really a spoiler, we're all here for Spashley anyways.

By the time I arrived back home, it was almost one, so I made myself a sandwich and decided to look for jobs for a few hours. My roommate, Madison, had left a note on the counter instructing me that my half of the electric bill was due, so I propped the money on the counter. She was hardly ever home and most of our communication was done though post it notes or on the back of napkins.

After searching for jobs online for two hours, I was bored and eyed my guitar over in the corner. I pulled it out and did my best to strum through the three chords I knew. Ashley had left a few photo-copied sheets of paper in there with the chord positions and her business card. Shit if my fingers weren't sore after five minutes, though.

My cell phone vibrated from inside my purse, drawing me away from my guitar practice. It was Patrick.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hey baby. What's up?" he asked.

"Not much, just practicing guitar." I replied nonchalantly.

"Guitar?" he asked with confusion in his voice.

"Yeah, I had my first lesson this morning. Watch out Colbie Caillat. Spencer Carlin is on the scene," I teased.

"Oh wow. That is so hot, Spencer," he responded. Ashley had been right. Singer song-writers do get all the groupies.

"What are you up to?" I asked.

"I'm just on a quick break, but I wanted to see if you wanted to go out to Amici's for dinner tonight?"

"Sure," I said. "What time?"

"I'll pick you up at seven thirty?" he confirmed.

"Sounds great. See you then."

"Bye."

"Bye," I whispered into the phone. As I ended the call, I knew that I had a chance tonight to tell Patrick what was on my mind.

Moments later, my phone vibrated again. Thinking it was Patrick again, I answered, "What did you forget babe?"

"It's not so much what I forgot, it's what you forgot, Spencer," Ashley's unmistakable voice chirped into the phone.

I felt the rush of blood to my cheeks and was thankful I was only on the phone so she couldn't see how stupid I looked at this moment.

"Sorry Ashley," I cringed into the phone. "I thought you were my…boyfriend." I had hesitated on that last word. Even though things weren't how I wanted them to be with Patrick, I never stumbled over introducing him as my boyfriend, until now.

"It's okay. It's been too long since anyone's called me babe. I'll take what I can get these days," she quipped.

"Anyways, you left your credit card at the store. I just noticed it after my last lesson. I hope you didn't mind, I got your number from your client card with us."

"No, not at all. Thanks for calling. I don't know if I can pick it up today, are you open tomorrow?" I asked.

"Yeah, from ten to six," she confirmed.

"Okay. I'll stop by sometime tomorrow then. Thanks for calling," I said.

"No problem. See ya later," she said.

"Bye," I said. I heaved out a sigh of embarrassment into my empty apartment. I am such an idiot!


	4. Chapter 4: Fighting the Inevitable

Patrick arrived promptly at seven thirty as promised. He also had a single red rose in his hand as I opened the door.

"Hey, beautiful," he said and kissed me on the lips.

"Hey. Don't you look handsome tonight. You got a hot date or something?" I teased.

"Yeah, or something," he joked back and handed me the rose.

"Thank you," I said taking a smell of the flower.

"I know you already have a lot of flowers after last night, but I couldn't show up empty handed."

I was in the kitchen pouring some water into a vase when he came up behind me and placed kisses on my neck.

"I've missed you," he said.

"Missed me? I just saw you last night," I responded confused.

He turned me around so that I was facing him now. Awkwardly, I set the vase on the counter next to me.

"That's not what I mean. You've just been different lately. Distant, almost," he explained.

I sighed, knowing that one way or another I had been pushing him away. Trying to make this easier on myself had made it worse for him.

"I'm sorry," I offered. I was about to continue when he pressed his lips to mine, chastely at first, but building in passion. I didn't respond with the same level as he did and eventually he pulled away unaffected.

"Let's get going. Reservations are at eight and I have something I want to tell you," he said with a smile.

Amici's held some good memories for Patrick and I. We had our first date here and we had also celebrated our one year anniversary here a few months ago. We were seated to a booth in the corner, next to a large water feature.

I smiled as I listened to the trickling of the water against the loud noises of a busy restaurant. "I love that smile, Spencer," Patrick said.

I blushed at his compliment, but didn't have anything to say back. He reached and grabbed my hand from across the table.

"You know how I have to go to Belgium for three weeks to help with the start-up office there?" he asked.

"Yeah. You're leaving Monday," I said with a slight frown. I always hated when he left. Patrick was still my best friend and I really enjoyed spending time with him.

He squeezed my hand gently. "When I get back, I'm taking a week off from work. I was thinking maybe we could go somewhere together. Anywhere you want, Spencer."

It didn't take me long to realize I was in over my head. Thankfully, the waiter showed up and we placed our order.

Patrick returned his attention to me, "So, will you?" he begged.

I felt nauseous. I didn't want to break up with Patrick in the middle of the restaurant, but I knew now it would have to be done tonight. Maybe later, when we got back to my apartment.

"I don't know. I mean right now I've really got to look for a job and I don't even know what my living situation is going to be like around that time. Plus, I have these guitar lessons…" I lamented.

Guitar lessons? Did I really just say that? How lame was I? Patrick caught on too.

"Guitar lessons? Jesus, Spencer. I'll sign you up for more. What's going on?" he demanded. It wasn't mean, but it was firm and I deserved it.

I shook my head, staring at the white linen tablecloth in front of me.

"Everything is changing, Patrick. It's just a little overwhelming for me." I said softly.

He sighed and the expression on his face wasn't so harsh. "I'm sorry. I know this is a tough time in your life and I want you to know I'm here for you. And I'm willing to wait for you to figure it all out."

We backed off the subject when dinner arrived. The waiter asked about dessert and I was full, but Patrick insisted we order crème brulee and a bottle of champagne.

"It's a celebration. You just got your masters degree yesterday, baby."

The waiter brought us one crème brulee to share and poured the champagne. Patrick turned the conversation back to serious again. I scraped at the crème brulee nervously as he continued.

"I know I said earlier that I would wait for you to figure your life out, and I will. But Spencer, you're my best friend. I love you and I can't imagine my life without you in it. Whatever decision you make, I hope you see me in it too," he explained, shifting in his seat.

I took a swig of the champagne, welcoming the bubbles as they slid down my throat, stopping when I felt something graze across my lips. I opened my eyes to see Patrick on one knee beside me holding my hand. I realized at the bottom of my glass was a diamond ring. How the hell did I miss that?

"Spencer, what I'm trying to say is that we can figure out our futures together. Will you do me the honor of marrying me?" he said pulling the champagne flute from my clutched fingers. He reached in to scoop out the ring and was poised to settle it on my ring finger.

All I could think was run. Run as fast and as far as my legs could carry me. My legs couldn't move. I just sat there letting my mind reel.

"I…I can't," I said. "This is just too much for me."

Patrick stood up and stuffed the ring in his pocket, the look of hurt on his face unbearable to see. "I don't understand, Spencer. Do you even love me?"

"Yes, but I'm not…in love with you," I stammered. This was harder than I thought it would be. I felt the tears hot on my face. My words were cruel, because who really wants to hear that, but they needed to be said. I was shaking now, the thoughts of losing Patrick for good were running through my mind.

He slumped into the booth across from me. Restaurant onlookers watching the scene play out pretended to eat their meals, but the restaurant still remained quiet.

"So, this is it then, huh? I mean there's nowhere left for us to go," he breathed, defeated.

"I should leave. I'm sorry," I said. I pulled a hundred dollar bill out of my purse and placed it on the table and walked out. I knew it meant a steady diet of Raeman noodles this week, but I didn't want to sit around waiting for change.

I felt the everyone's eyes in the restaurant on me as I made my way out. Everyone's but Patrick.

I started walking back towards my house. I knew I wouldn't be able to walk home, but I didn't want to stand in front of the restaurant. I scanned my brain, thinking if I wanted to call one of my friends to come get me, but decided I wasn't ready to have to explain anything to anyone. About six blocks into my walk, I was stable enough to call a cab and gave them my location. I sat on a bench in front of a few store fronts for about twenty minutes before my cab rolled up. This was going to be an expensive night, but I hopped in and took in the city on my silent ride home.

When I arrived home, I didn't bother taking off my makeup or clothes, I just curled into a ball in my bed in my little black dress and wept. Life was starting to change, drastically.


	5. Chapter 5: Dress you up in my love

A/N: For the record, I really disliked the Patrick character on SON. I would have chosen Aiden all day if forced to choose between the two. But I decided to make him better for selfish reasons. I can so relate to being in Spencer's shoes and have felt like I've broken a few hearts regardless of how much I wanted it to work. Nothing nearly as publicly humiliating as the last chapter, but still made me feel really bad. Also I can relate to not understanding why it's not right, but knowing there has to be something more. I might be in the minority on this one, but I'd rather have my heart broken than feel like I was the one who crushed somebody. Hope that puts things into perspective, or at least where I was coming from. As for Paula, I'm modeling her a bit after my own mom, so it won't be as crazy as t.v. Thanks again for your input! Without further ado, I bring you my gift…more Spashley! (Let's face it…can there ever be enough?)

I heard my phone vibrating, which pulled me out of my restless slumber. I felt like hell, still and as I woke, I was crushed as I recalled the details of the prior night. It was eight in the morning on a Saturday and the display on my phone read _home._

_As much as I didn't want to answer it, I also didn't want my mom showing up her unannounced. If I don't answer my phone, my mom freaks out, even though I've been living on my own for six years now. _

"_Hello," I mumbled gruffly into the phone._

"_Hello, sweetheart." I could hear the squeal in her voice. "So, how did last night's date with Patrick go?"_

_She was about as subtle as a stripper at a church camp. She knew what she thought was going to happen last night and she was simply calling to congratulate her baby girl. _

"_Well…" I said trying to figure the best way to break my poor mom's heart. I was already on a roll with that one, so what's one more to add to the list. I heard her suck in a breath while she waited for me to continue._

"_We broke up. Patrick and I," I blurted. That was one way to do it. Nice job, Spence._

"_What?" she blubbered. I think she was taking this a lot worse than me._

"_I know you love him. And he's great, but I just don't feel that way for him."_

"_Spencer, I don't know what to do with you! You're right, I do think he is a wonderful man. And I do think he could make you very happy, but I support your decision. I just thought you were perfect for each other," she lamented._

_I sighed into the phone, "Almost," I said trying to hold back more tears. "Look, I've got to get ready for work. I'll talk to you later, mom."_

"_Spencer?" she questioned._

"_Yeah?" I responded._

"_I love you."_

"_I love you too, mom," I said and ended the call. _

_I made it to work on time at nine a.m., but I wasn't exactly looking my best. The mandatory outfit of oversized polo and khakis didn't do me any favors, either. It was a long day of family portraits and annoying kids. By the time, five thirty rolled around, I was more than ready to head home. Just then I remembered that I still needed to get my credit card from the music store. Luckily, it was close to the portrait studio._

_I pulled into the parking lot at 5:54 and gave myself the once over in my rear view mirror. My eyelids seemed a little puffy from the crying last night, but other than that, I didn't look too horrid. I grabbed my purse from the seat and walked into the stores._

_Jingle bells signaled my entrance to the shop and nobody was at the front desk. I made my way towards the desk, when I heard the voice behind me._

"_Spencer?" _

_I jumped a little, not expecting anyone. I twisted back on my foot to see Ashley standing a few feet away from me._

"_Hey," I said over my racing heartbeat._

"_Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I thought you were going to be a no-show," she teased. She gave me a soft smile that relaxed me right away, yet it wasn't enough to drown out my rapidly beating heart._

_I smiled back and looked down at my feet. "No, I just had to work," I explained and pointed to my dorky outfit._

_She made her way back behind the counter and returned quickly. "I hope you don't mind, I bought myself a new Fendi purse, you know like a finders fee?" she teased as she handed the card back to me._

"_Oh," I said, totally drained from the day and not picking up on the sarcasm in her voice._

_Her face dropped. "I was only joking, Spencer. It's my fault I forgot to give it back to you yesterday. Is everything okay?" _

"_Yeah," I replied. "Thanks for letting me know about the card. I guess I'll see you Friday," I said abruptly. As much as I liked being around this girl, I didn't want to dump my problems on her. When I went to turn and walk away, I felt her hand on my arm._

"_Spence," she said hesitantly. My nickname rolling of her tongue made me stop dead in my tracks as a chill swept over my body. Normally, I hated when strangers used my nickname. With Ashley, it was different. Even though I barely knew her, I loved the way it sounded coming from her mouth. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry. It was none of my business. You just seem a little sad and I want to make sure you were okay," she explained._

"_It's no big deal. It's been a rough couple of days, honestly." I stood there frozen, feeling completely exposed in front of her. _

"_Listen, I get off soon. I'm sure you have plans, but I have tickets to see my friends gallery show tonight and my flake of a sister just bailed on me. Would you like to join me? If you need to get your mind off of whatever it is," she stated._

_My plans normally would have involved Patrick, and obviously that wasn't going to happen tonight. My options were to sit at home and potentially be buried alive in Kleenex, cookie dough ice cream and chick flicks or get to know this charming stranger. I don't think I can handle tonight alone. I wasn't sure why I was so drawn to her, but I knew I could never tell her no. "Yeah, I'd like that," I said and for the first time all day, a smile crept over my face._

_Her face lit up and was replaced my a nose crinkling smile. It made my knees weak, but I liked feeling something other than guilt. "Great. I just need to lock up and we'll figure out the details."_

"_Okay. I'll meet you out front, then." I said. The bells jingled behind me again and I sat on the bench in front of the store. Was I completely crazy? _

_Ashley waltzed out of the store and locked the door behind her. She gave me a quick smile and I realized I wasn't completely crazy. Just possibly in love with a girl. And a girl I barely knew at that. I had no clue where these thoughts were coming from, but they were getting to be impossible to ignore._

"_There's a great diner down the street. If you're hungry, we can grab a quick bite and get our plans together," she said. _

"_Sounds good. I'm starving," I acknowledged. _

_We reached the diner in just a few minutes. Our conversation was limited and there was some silence between us, but it wasn't awkward. We grabbed a booth and settled in. _

"_So what time does the showing start?" I asked. _

"_Nine, I think. I'm really bad at remembering things," she said._

_I peered over my menu and decided on a Belgian waffle. I loved breakfast for dinner because it was always something special my Grandma would make just for me when I spent the weekends with her as a kid. I folded the menu and set it on the table._

"_That was quick," she commented._

"_I am a very decisive girl," I said confidently. That was a total lie. Hell, I couldn't even decide if I wanted to wear my hair up or down this morning. So, I had the front half up and the back down. _

"_Somehow, I think you're full of shit," she said dryly and stared at me. The words were harsh, but the way she said it was meant to be teasing._

"_What? You barely know me. I'm offended," I said with mock indignation._

"_It took you like three minutes to decide between an acoustic or electric guitar yesterday," she retorted._

"_True. But when it comes to food, I'm decisive. My stomach has rarely made a wrong decision, except for the BLT the day before homecoming sophomore year. That was a disaster. I puked all night long, but I was determined to make it, even if I looked like death warmed over," I said._

"_Somehow, I doubt you looked like death warmed over. I'm sure you looked beautiful. Well, I was going to have the BLT and now I have a sudden change of heart. Weird." _

"_Weird," I agreed._

"_I know this might seem a little strange, but after we eat would you want to stop over to my house and get ready? I live like ten minutes from here, so it would be really convenient. You can even borrow anything you want to wear. Half of my stuff still has the tags on it," Ashley said._

"_Buyers remorse?" I asked._

"_Maybe. I never have the occasion to wear any of it." she mourned._

"_Yeah, I'm okay with that. I need to change up my identity tonight anyways," I replied._

_Ashley looked at me with her head slightly cocked and a smile on her face, trying to figure out what I meant. She must not have wanted to press me more on the subject after I had brushed her off in the store, because she didn't ask me what I meant._

_The waitress came over and took our order. I got the Belgian waffles I had been craving with a side of bacon and Ashley ordered a cheeseburger and a chocolate milkshake. _

"_Good call on the Belgian waffles. I love breakfast for dinner," she commented. A girl after my own heart. _

"_No, you're the genius. Chocolate milkshake. I wish I had thought of that," I said._

"_You can have some of mine, they give way too much of it anyway." _

_Our food was in front of us before we knew it, which is normal for a diner. They are always fast._

"_So what kind of art is your friend showing tonight?" I asked between bites of my waffle._

"_Mostly modern paintings. She does some sculpture too, but painting is really her thing." Ashley responded._

_Even the way she chewed her cheeseburger was adorable. I caught her dunking a French fry in the chocolate shake and in that moment I knew I had made the right decision coming here with her. We had so many little things in common, even though we were completely different._

"_How do you know her?" I asked, continuing to make easy conversation. Truthfully, I wanted to know everything I could about Ashley. _

"_Well, it's a long story. Are you sure you want to hear it?" she questioned._

"_Of course."_

"_Remember the other day how I said I had a quarter life crisis too?"_

_I just nodded my head._

"_After I graduated high school, I was in this band, Kamikaze Mission. Dumb name, I know but we were only 19. Anyways, we decided it would be a good idea to tour Europe, so we set up a bunch of tour dates. Before I knew it we had twenty different shows over two months in six different countries. It was the most amazing experience for the first few weeks. I was dating the lead guitarist in the band, Aiden. We had been on and off throughout high school. I don't know if it was the traveling or being around each other too much, but Aiden and I got in a huge fight on the way to Paris. We had a gig that night, so we still played. After the show, I went out for a walk to think. When I came back to the hostel where we were staying, I found him banging some girl in our bed. That was the last straw for me. I loved performing, but I couldn't be a part of the band anymore. The next morning, I quit the band and stayed in that hostel in Paris while they moved on to Rennes and finished off the rest of the tour."_

_I nodded my head. I was so enthralled at Ashley's story. It's hard to believe someone so young had already seen so much of the world and done so much with her life. It reminded me of the other items on my bucket list I had yet to complete._

"_That day, I was looking for cafés, bistros or bars or anywhere that would let me play. It was at this great little café, that I ran into Chelsea, my artist friend. She was outside painting and I was blown away by her work. We struck up a conversation, and the rest is history," she explained._

"_Wow. How long did you stay in France?" I asked._

"_Not very long. Just a few months. I decided I wanted to come back to L.A."_

"_Still, that must have been amazing," I said. "You're so brave for going on your own and living life by the seat of your pants and in a foreign country no less. I could never do anything like that." _

"_It wasn't brave really. I didn't deal with my problems that well, I just bailed. I still haven't talked to my old band-mates since the whole thing happened. It's one of my biggest regrets and I'm still trying to figure out my life four years later," she said._

_I wasn't really sure what to say. We all have our regrets and if given the chance, wouldn't hesitate to do them over again. _

"_Well, I still think you're brave," I said simply, which caused her to return a smile. It was the truth._

_The check arrived moments later, so we paid our bill and made our way back to the music shop. "Follow me," she commanded, closing the door to her Porsche behind her. _

_I wondered how a guitar instructor could afford a Porsche, but tried not to dwell on it for too long. After trailing her for five minutes, Ashley rolled up to a modern looking condominium complex. I parked in the space next to her. _

"_Welcome to my humble abode," she said as she opened the door._

_Humble was not the word to describe it. It was spacious and decorated flawlessly. _

"_Wow, this place is amazing," I said taking it all in._

"_Come on, Spence," she commanded, dragging me into her bedroom. The first thing I noticed were three guitars propped up on the stand and I was overcome with the desire to hear her play. She had wandered off into a walk in closet and I pulled myself away from staring down her guitar collection to join her._

_Ashley had about twenty dresses in her arms and she threw them on her bed. _

"_You're probably wondering how I manage to afford all of this on the salary of a guitar instructor?" _

"_Porn star?" I asked._

"_Ha, you're so funny, Spence," she said and rolled her eyes at me. _

"_Seriously though, I'd be lying if I said that thought may have crossed my mind after seeing your car," I admitted._

"_My dad was in this eighties rock band, which is where I get my love of music from. So, I'm just another L.A. cliché trust fund baby."_

_My mind tried to recall the limited information it knew about eighties rockstars. Suddenly, it dawned on me. "Your dad is the Raife Davies? Purple Venom Raife Davies?" I asked in amazement. My dad was going to crap his pants when I tell him about this later._

"_The one and only," she smirked._

_She picked up a blue dress and held it up to me. "I like this one, it brings out your eyes," she said._

_The room was getting a little hot for my liking at this moment. Unfortunately, she was definitely straight and I was…well I was very confused._

_She had plucked a silver and black printed dress and didn't hesitate to take off her jeans and t-shirt in front of me. I stared awkwardly for a moment, taking in the sight of her in her boy shorts and matching bra that clung to her frame perfectly. I noticed a small tattoo right beside her hip bone and imagined my fingers running over it. My eyes then traced the soft curves of her body lingering too long at her firm breasts and I forced myself to look away._

"_Sorry, modesty was never my thing," she half said noticing me glance in the other direction and she slid the dress over her body. _

"_It's okay," I said softly, though my mouth was a little dry. I looked up and saw her standing there in the dress. She looked breathtaking. I wasn't sure which version of Ashley I liked better; lingerie model or dress me up. _

"_You look great," I said and began to slip off my khakis and polo, cursing them silently as I dropped my tired work outfit to the bed. Modesty was definitely my thing and I felt a little uncomfortable changing in front of her. Changing in front of anyone really, but her especially._

_I caught her glimpsing in my direction. Was it me or was she holding her gaze a little longer than necessary too? She sauntered off into the closet again and called out, "What size shoes do you wear?" _

"_Eight," I replied as I smoothed the front of the dress down. Looking in the mirror, I had to admit Ashley had some great taste. The dress looked good._

"_I have great taste," Ashley noted as she entered the room dangling silver strappy peer toed pumps from her fingers. _

"_That dress looks phenomenal on you."_

"_Thanks," I said trying to keep my blush at bay._

_She dropped the shoes on the floor near my feet. "You are one lucky girl, Spencer Carlin. I'm a size seven, but my sister Kyla is an eight. And Kyla may have almost as good of taste as I do."_

_Ashley let me help myself to her makeup and straightening iron. In an hour, we were both ready for a night on the town._

"_I'll drive," she said as we exited her place._

"_No, you really don't have to. I can't thank you enough for inviting me tonight and letting me raid your closet. The least I can do is drive," I offered._

"_Don't worry, I just want you to know you can drink and crash here if you need too. I think you need a little bit of fun in your life right now."_

"_Do you take this much of an interest in all your students?" I inquired._

"_Only the ones with a lot of potential," she replied with a grin. _


	6. Chapter 6: Monopoly Ships & Old Friends

A/N: Thanks for hanging in there with me on this one. I had some visitors in town, which meant not a whole lot of time for writing. The comments are really encouraging and I'm very excited to tell this story and all of the awesomeness that will ensue. Maybe a little too excited because I've been neglecting all of my other projects.

I don't know how I didn't notice it while I followed her, but Ashley drives like a maniac. No, maniac is too nice of a word for it. Ashley drives like she is the real life version of Grand Theft Auto minus the killing of prostitutes and mafia related shootouts.

"Well if you wanted me to get my mind off of my problems, your sure doing a great job," I sniped as my head crashed back into the headrest at a red light.

"What? You don't like my driving?" she pouted and gave me puppy dog eyes.

"Your driving is fine, it's just my spinal cord I'm worried about," I shot back.

"At least it's working," she said smugly. The light turned green and her led foot lurched the car into action and my body felt like it was going to be sucked through the leather seat.

"Listen, about that…" I started.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. Remember, it's your night." She glanced over at me to let me know she was okay with me not saying anything. "I do feel like I have been talking the whole night, though. Tell me about yourself," she pressed.

"Pretty boring. My dad is a social worker, my mom's a doctor. They weren't around a lot, but they did the best they could to provide for us and made sure we ate together as a family at least once a week. My dad is an amazing cook, too. My idiot brother, Glen is a year older than me. He was on his way to Duke on a basketball scholarship, when he tore his ACL. He was actually really relieved. He loves basketball, but he's never been much of a competitor. He is a gym teacher and he coaches basketball in San Clemente," I paused thinking about what to say next.

"Umm, Spencer."

"Yeah?"

"No offense to your family, because they sound great, but I asked you to tell me about yourself," she said cautiously.

I took in a heavy breath, not sure which mess of an area of my life to concentrate on. There was so much disarray that I wasn't even sure who I was.

"I just graduated UCLA with my masters in Film, Television, and Digital Media. I love it, but I don't know if it's what I want to do with my life. I like rollercoasters, summertime and Monopoly is my favorite board game. When I was twelve, I chipped this tooth here trying to skateboard," I said pointing to my top right incisor.

"How very colorful. You sound like a personal ad. By the way, my favorite game is Monopoly too. I'm always the ship," she said, beaming like a little kid.

"Oh I don't know if we can be friends anymore, Davies. I have to be the ship."

This was a lie. I mean, I always wanted to be the dog, but my asshole brother always picked it. So I just got used to being the damn ship. If Ashley wanted to be the ship, I was going to make her work for it.

I jolted back to reality when she slapped me on the forearm and there it was again. The heat. I felt it crawling all over my skin and I adjusted the air conditioning vents to get some more air.

"I noticed you didn't mention your boyfriend. You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but does he have something to do with your need to get your mind off of things?" she asked.

I felt a little pang in my chest as she asked me about him. The events from last night seemed like years ago. I had a feeling it was something to do with Ashley, though. When we were together, time had a way of shifting. Minutes felt like seconds when we were together. The events of the outside world, felt like a lifetime ago.

"Yes. Patrick is a great guy. And I love him, but I just wasn't in love with him. I've known for a few months now that I don't feel the way I should, but he's so great I just wanted it to work. The more I forced it, the more I realized it wasn't meant to be. I put it off for far too long and last night, he proposed," I said.

She just glanced over to me, waiting to hear the rest.

I continued, "I told him no. I told him that I wasn't in love with him. I feel like I destroyed him."

"Spencer, the heart wants what it wants. It's better than saying yes and being in a loveless relationship just because someone is your best friend. I know. It was the same type of thing with Aiden and me," Ashley stated.

"I know. It doesn't change the fact that I feel awful about it, though." I said.

I can't believe I just told all of this to a girl I just met yesterday. I haven't even told my closest friends, yet. Here I am spilling my heart to a complete stranger. Well, maybe not a complete stranger, but what the hell? Why was I so drawn to her? Why was everything so easy and comfortable? I closed my eyes, wanting to push these thoughts out. Ashley had offered this night to me as a way to keep my mind off my problems, not add more to the list. I rubbed my temples as the pressure in my brain became intensified.

"You still want to go, right? It's okay if you don't. I had no idea everything that you are going through," she said.

"Of course I still want to go and thank you again for inviting me. I really needed this," I said, sincerely.

"Good. Cuz we're here," she said, pulling up to the valet stand.

We walked into the small gallery, which was packed with people and caterers running around. Ashley grabbed us two glasses of white wine and handed one to me.

"Thank you."

"Anytime. Oh Spencer, I see my friend Chelsea. I want you to meet her," she said tugging me by my arm. This was the longest amount of time our touch had been connected. It was too packed in the gallery, so she loosened her grip on my arm and slid it down to my hand. I was directly behind her clinging to her hand in the sea of people. It was an innocent gesture, but there was something about the way her hand felt in mine.

It took a few minutes to make our way across the gallery, but Ashley stopped behind a circle of people. She squeezed my hand to signal we had made it to our destination. Against my better judgment, I released my hand from hers. I took a large drink from my wine and enjoyed the light burn as it made it's way down my chest. It was the only way I could feel any heat without touching Ashley.

Ashley tapped on the shoulder of a woman wearing a flowing white dress. I thought the tattoo on her shoulder looked vaguely familiar, when she turned around and I recognized her immediately.

"Ashley," Chelsea squealed and pulled her into a hug. "I'm so glad you could make it."

"Chelsea, I want you to meet my friend, Sp…" Ashley started but was cut off by Chelsea's shriek.

"Spencer Carlin!" Chelsea shouted at the sight of me. It was a good thing that it was already loud to begin with here and she was the artist of honor.

"Hey Chelsea, how have you been?" I asked sliding in next to Ashley and giving Chelsea a hug.

"Wait-you two know each other?" Ashley demanded in shock.

"Spencer and I go way back. I used to date her brother, Glen, in high school. We lost touch after I went to art school in Paris. It's so good to see you again."

"It's great to see you, too Chels," I said.

The look of awe on Ashley's face was priceless. I too, was in shock. I wasn't sure why I didn't put two and two together when Ashley was telling me about her earlier. I guess I thought Paris is a big city and there has to be more than one artist named Chelsea painting there.

We chatted for a while, but let Chelsea get back to schmoozing with her potential customers and admirers. Ashley and I milled through the crowd, taking in Chelsea's work at various stops along the way.

I also had a few too many complimentary glasses of wine, which caused me to lose track of time. It also caused my eyes to wander haphazardly over Ashley's body. I decided I needed a little bit of space from her and to take a moment to collect my thoughts. My dirty, dirty thoughts.

"I'll be right back," I said and headed to the bathroom. The nice part about being a little tipsy was the fact that many trips to the bathroom were completely normal. The thoughts were racing in my mind and I was really paranoid that if I got drunk, I was going to do something I would regret. I felt myself wanting to kiss her lips when I looked at her and didn't want to jeopardize our new found friendship. I knew the thoughts that were racing through my mind all night and it scared me. It was there under the florescent lights in the ladies room, I secretly wished that I could be instantly sober.

I lingered over the sink at my drunk reflection staring back at me. Ugh. Why is it the more I drink, the worse I look? I did my best to correct my drunkface and walked back into the gallery. More time must have passed than I thought, because it was starting to thin out.

I looked around to find Ashley, who was staring intently at one of Chelsea's paintings. I stayed behind her, letting her have time to take in the painting on her own.

"Spence, what do you think?" she asked cocking her head back in my direction.

I was a little caught off guard that she realized I was there. I studied the painting showing a Parisian alleyway at night after a rainfall. There was a couple walking along the sidewalk hand in hand. "I think it's my favorite one. I like that it's in black and white and grey, but you still can feel the light in the reflection of the streetlamps against the water on the pavement. And the couple, it's like symbolic of them. There was just a terrible storm, but now everything is new and there's a sense that everything is going to be okay."

Out of nervousness, I continued my stream of consciousness out loud, "I don't know if it's right, but I just saw that as their story. I don't know much about painting, but I have an instinct about what I found visually stunning. That's why I went to film school. If I could capture what I thought was beautiful and share it with the world from my perspective, then I was going to find a way to do it."

Ashley smiled at me and remarked, "I like drunk Spencer. She's very insightful at talkative. And your interpretation of the painting was better than anything I could have done."

She looked at me for a second and I looked down at my feet, embarrassed by her compliment. My earlier thought about being instantly sober was completely overrated.

"Want to go across the street for a few cocktails? Chelsea is going to meet us over there when this is over."

"Yeah, let's go," I said.


	7. Chapter 7: Sex with Ed

A/N: Don't worry about the title on this chapter, you'll see what I mean soon enough. I was really inspired by the episode where Spencer gets wasted at Ashley's show. She was just so damn adorable. Am I right? Also, I've been playing a little bit with adding in some of my favorite one liners from the show, cuz I'm a dork like that. Enjoy and as always feel free to let me know what you think!

We drove over to a quaint little pub across the street. I had never been before, but Ashley informed me that it was one of her places to go in the summer time.

"It's really chill and just a great vibe here. Plus if you decide you want to get down, they have a dance floor on the second floor."

We reached the patio, which had a few guys playing corn hole. Ashley and I were definitely overdressed for this place. The bartender gave her a friendly smile and handed her two corona's without her saying a word. "No way, Ed. We need something a little stronger, for my friend here," she nodded in my direction.

He poured two shots which were mixed carefully. I tried to study the bottles as he poured, but had no idea what this shot could be. Ashley studied my face as I stared at the shots on the bar.

"Sex with Ed," she declared, answering my unspoken question.

"What?" I asked laughing.

"The shot. It's called sex with Ed. He thinks it's fun to watch girls beg to have 'sex with Ed' like a total creep," she explained using finger quotes.

"But I'm your creep," he retorted as he wiped down the bar in front of us. "Who's your friend?" he asked.

"Spe-," I started to introduce myself, but Ashley pressed a hurried finger to my lips.

"Oh, no. You don't get to meet this one. She's too classy for you, Ed," Ashley opined.

Her finger slid from my lips and I just shook my head at her comment.

"Really? Because if you ladies think your going to have sex with Ed tonight, I need to know her name. Do you think I'm just some kind of slut, Ashley?" he teased and reached towards the shots to take them back.

"Okay, okay. That won't be necessary. Spencer, this the king of pigs, Ed. Ed, this is Spencer."

"Nice to meet you, Spencer," Ed said and extended a hand in my direction.

As I reached out to meet his hand, I replied, "Nice to meet you too, Ed."

He pushed the shot glasses in our direction. I reached for mine and Ashley picked hers up and held it in the air. "To new friends and um, forgetting old ones," Ashley toasted as she clinked her glass up against mine.

The shot went down my throat smoother than any other shot I've taken. I didn't even have to chase it, nor did I feel like I was going to throw it back up a second later.

"Best sex I ever had," I joked, to which Ed just gave a couple of high fives to a group of three guys who were within earshot.

"God, I hope not, Spence. That makes me sad," Ashley said with a pout.

I just laughed in my drunken state, not sure how to respond.

"Want to play some corn hole?" I asked, watching as the boards freed up. Nice segue, Spencer.

"In evening gowns?" Ashely asked.

"Yeah, I'm just trying to tone it down a little. You said earlier I was too classy for Ed," I explained.

"Um Spence, I meant that as that's a good thing," she said confused, but ultimately agreed to play.

We contemplated having partners, but decided against it. For one, I was excited to talk shit with Ash. Drunk Spencer was a little bit of a trash talker. Drunk Spencer was also terrible at corn hole and got her ass whipped, three times. After the third time, Ashley told me that as the loser, I needed to take more shots of sex with Ed. Who was I to argue? Wait, I was drunk, so we did bicker and eventually I convinced her to take one or three with me.

The good thing about being this tanked, was that I could barely function, which meant that my mind stopped thinking so many naughty thoughts about Ashley. It took all my brainpower to stand upright and not fall asleep on the bar. The less in control I was over my brain, the better, I thought. As I barely stood erect at the bar finishing my shot, Chelsea rolled in with a guy on her arm.

"Chelsea, it's sooo good to see you" I slurred and ran to her hugging sloppily and almost knocking her over. As if I didn't just see her two hours ago. Whoops!

She gave me a concerned once over as she pulled out of my embrace. "Ashley, what did you do to her?" Chelsea asked.

"I dunno. That's what she gets for sucking at corn hole," Ashley offered with a straight up giggle, unable to hide her drunken state either.

"Chelsea, your show was awesome!" I exclaimed, probably too loudly for the situation, but I didn't care. I had to make sure I got my point across. "Who's this?" I asked, pointing at the guy she was with. Rude, I know, but I'm not the smoothest when I've had a few too many.

"This is Sean, my boyfriend," she said. "Sean, meet Spencer."

"Hello," I said, bypassing his extended hand and hugging him.

I stumbled back until I tripped and almost fell ass over teakettle over an errant barstool before I felt Ashley's arms around my waist, holding me up.

"Woah," I mused. Half at the fact that I was surprise there was a stool there and half at the tingling sensation I felt overcome my body with Ashley's arms around me.

After this event, I vaguely remember talking to Sean, Chelsea and Ashely for a while as I nursed my Corona forever. During the course of the conversation, I must have used the word awesome about thirty times, it's kind of a bad habit I have. I remember leaving a half full bottle of Corona on the bar. I think I was beginning to sober up as last call rolled around, but was no where near being functional.

Ashley had made a beeline for the bathroom a few minutes back and I sat and watched Sean and Chelsea make out a little. It was still strange to see Chelsea kiss someone other than Glen. Less vomit-worthy, but strange nonetheless. I looked over and saw some guy leaning over Ashley, trying to pull her close with his free hand.

A flash of jealousy crept over me as I watched the scene unfold. She gave him a drunk nose-crinkling smile. It was even cuter when she was plastered. After a few minutes more of flirting, she finally side stepped him and headed back over to our section of the bar.

"What was that?" I asked giddily as Ashley approached. I'm lucky it came out the way it did, because I didn't want to sound like a possessive, controlling, green-eyed monster.

"Nothing. One should only hit and run. Boys are way too much trouble," she assessed to which I just laughed.

Sean and Chelsea stood up and Sean announced, "It was really great meeting you, Spencer and good seeing you again, Ashley. But we've got to go," he said doing a poor job hiding his excitement at the obvious reason they were leaving.

"Bye Spencer. So good seeing you. Tell your family I said hi," Chelsea said giving me a hug before saying her goodbyes to Ashley.

They left, walking hand and hand leaving Ashley and I standing alone and looking at each other uncomfortably for a moment. "I don't want to go home to an empty bed tonight. It's been too long," she thought aloud.

I can keep you company, I thought. Damn, my drunkness was no longer overwhelming. Instead of what I thought, I said, "Well, I'm sure you can find a random here," I said extending my arms to the open night air that faced the patio around us. It was after last call and there were only a dozen patrons left. Great move, Spencer.

She gave a disgusted look and said, "I'll think I'll pass. You ready to get out of here?" she asked.

"Yeah, but are you okay to drive?"

"No way, but Ed is. I'm going to close out our tab and he'll count out for the night. He'll be ready in ten minutes. You don't mind if we have to swing by and pick up the Porsche tomorrow? You can crash at my place," she said.

"That's fine," I agreed and she closed out the tab at the bar. I tried to give her money, but she refused to take it. I still wasn't too sure going home with Sex with Ed was the greatest idea of all time, but there was no better options at the moment. If Ashley trusted this guy, I guess I would too.


	8. Chapter 8: Temptation

A/N: It's just a short one tonight. Sweet dreams!

Sex with Ed was surprisingly a gentleman about the ride to Ashley's and a much better driver than Ashley. Something tells me he's done this a few times before. Maybe it was the fact that Ashley passed out two minutes into the drive and he still navigated us perfectly to her condo even though I was too drunk to remember where it was.

Ed had also been so kind as to drive the drunk guy who was hitting on Ashley earlier home too. His name was Ryan. Apparently, they all know each other from the pub. Ryan thought he was some sort of early morning radio DJ and sat in the passengers seat trying to find Journey on FM radio, which meant Ashley and I were in the back seat.

I was surprised and slightly frightened when he succeeded. Ryan cranked up the radio and began to air drum along to "Don't Stop Believing" and Ed didn't seem to mind. The loud noises caused Ashley to stir, but not wake completely. She moved closer to me and rested her head on my shoulder.

I couldn't help myself from brushing a few strands of hair from her face, to which she responded by nuzzling into me. Feeling her skin on mine still sent shock waves through me, but I had developed a mild tolerance for it by now. It was almost a dare for me to do it; to see if I could test myself, push myself that far and not be affected. I failed every time. But this was the kind of failure I could get used to.

I wasn't sure how Ashley had gotten so drunk, so fast. As I thought back, she had been going at the same pace I was all night. I wasn't sure how I was managing to not pass out right now. Perhaps it had something to do with the gorgeous brunette whose light breath on my exposed shoulder was driving me crazy.

The city was starting to wind down, if only for a brief few hours. Soon, the sun would rise and the madness would begin again. For now, we made it through the city streets with ease and arrived at Ashley's in no time.

Before we exited the vehicle, I grabbed the keys from Ashley's purse.

"Ash, wake up," I cooed, trying to lull her from her sleep. "Come on sweetie, we need to make it to your bedroom. Can you do that for me?"

After mumbling something incoherent as she woke, Ashley rolled out of the car and managed to stumble into a upright position. As she staggered to the door, I can't say that I was any better behind her. I thanked Ed and he drove off into the night.

"Spence, you're doing it all wrong. Hurry up, I gotta pee," Ashley complained as I fidgeted with her keys. Tough words from someone who couldn't open her own door at the moment.

"Don't judge, it's hard to get that big key in that tiny hole when your drunk. Now I understand why it's so difficult for boys," I said with a giggle.

She didn't seemed amused as she did a drunk version of the little kid has to pee dance, which I found adorable.

Finally, I opened the door to her condo on the second attempt with the third key. I dropped them into my purse and then tossed my purse haphazardly onto a table by the door. Ashley kicked off her sandals and sent them flying across the living room. I already had mine in my hands. My feet were killing me. Kyla must have had an extremely high tolerance for pain in addition to her flawless taste in fashion.

Ashley ran into the guest bathroom and I helped myself to rummaging in her cabinets to find a glass. I filled it from the tap and chugged it hoping it would mean no hangover tomorrow.

After she met me in the kitchen, Ashley filled up a glass and drank it down too. We walked into her bedroom and she pulled out two sets of boxers and t-shirts for us from her dresser, which she thrust in my direction. Ashley fell onto her bed and sprawled out over almost the entire queen sized bed. She was trying to pass out on me again.

"Ashley, don't you want to put your pajamas on?" I asked as I slipped into mine.

"I don't wanna. You do it for me," she mumbled into the pillows. She shot up and began tugging at her dress trying to get it over her head, which worked after a thirty second struggle and my assistance. Ashley kept her arms raised in the air waiting for me to put the shirt over her , which I did.

"Put your pants on," I instructed as I slid her shorts around her feet. She pulled them up herself and I was relieved I didn't have to help with that. Taking her pants off; now that was something I wouldn't mind doing. Either way, I had too much temptation this evening.

"Good night, Ash," I said, turning of the light on the bed stand next to her. Thankfully, the windows still let in enough light for me to make out her features and navigate safely around her room.

"Night Spence."

I was a few steps away from the door, wondering if she kept a blanket on her couch when I was interrupted from my thoughts.

"Where are you going?" she whined into the darkness.

"The couch," I replied.

"Crazy, get your ass in my bed," she said laughing.

I obliged her request since I realized I would never be able to say no to her and I really loved to torture myself. I laid in the bed, uncomfortable for a while. I've slept in the same bed with other girls who were my friends before with no problem. Part of me was glad to jut be this close to her and the other part was nervous about the thoughts that I've been having about Ashley.

I didn't have to worry for long. It was harmless. Unfortunately. She passed out two minutes after I got into the bed. She was still on top of the covers and everything. I spent my last waking moments watching her breathe in her sleep and then I too fell asleep.


	9. Chapter 9: The Morning After

A/N: This is another quick one, but there is longer one on it's way. I'm trying not to be too dramatic about the whole thing, but I do want this to be a big deal for Spencer. Some of her thoughts are conflicting and may drive you nuts, but hopefully it seems true to life. Don't be afraid to call me out if it doesn't seem right!

Morning broke though Ashley's shades and stirred me out of my alcohol induced slumber. When I opened my eyes, it took a minute to recall where I was. The events of last night were hazy, but I was sure that I had ended up sleeping in bed with Ashley. I looked over and she wasn't there. A feeling of emptiness washed over me knowing she wasn't beside me when I woke up. Pushing the covers off me, I got out of the comfort of the bed and searched and found my khakis and polo from the other day. As I was dressing, she entered the room.

"Hey, I was just making coffee. Can I get you anything?" she asked.

"No, I've got to get going soon," I replied cooly. Where to, I had no idea. There were no plans on the books for me today. As much as I had a blast with Ashley last night, I needed to separate myself from her. I was afraid I was just losing myself in her as a way to get over Patrick and that wasn't fair. At least that's what I told myself. Deep down, I knew it was much more than that.

Whether she meant to or not, Ashley had struck a chord in me. Ironic, being that she's my guitar instructor and all. More like, she ignited a flame in me. I wasn't sure how to put it out and I wasn't sure I wanted to, but I needed some time to clear my head and figure it all out.

"Oh," she said and I noticed the hurt in her voice.

I cringed when my eyes met her and confirmed that. Why don't I just steamroll another person while I'm at it? At least I seem to be doing a really fucking great job at something; too bad it's hurting people.

"I um…" she started hesitantly as she tried to read my face before she continued, "I didn't do anything I should be worried about last night?"

After hearing the words come from her mouth, I knew I needed to get over my selfish issues. Part of me was also intrigued as I wondered what she could possibly be worried about.

"No, not unless you count forcing me to dress you in your PJ's something you should be worried about," I joked.

I noticed a little bit of red making it's way into her cheeks and she gave a self conscious smile. I liked that I could make her blush. "God, that's so embarrassing," she commented.

"It's no big deal. We were both pretty drunk. I didn't do anything I should be worried about either, did I?" I asked.

I was pretty sure the answer was going to be no. The events of the night had some holes and I remember a lot of stumbling and shit talking, but nothing that made me want to crawl under a rock and die. All in all, one of my better drunken outings.

"Yeah, you kinda did," she affirmed.

My heart began to race as I dug deep and tried to patch together the memories which were currently blacked out in my mind. Did I try to kiss her? It's possible because I must have thought about her lips on mine about two hundred times last night. I saw it play out in my head so many different ways, maybe one of those actually happened. It was like my brain had been looping the same thoughts over and over again all night long.

She just laughed at my puzzled face as I continued to stand there and piece together my embarrassing moments. "What did I do?" I finally asked with trepidation.

"You told Al that you wanted your money back because you had sex with him four times last night and he still couldn't get you to orgasm. I think you really bruised his ego, because he cut you off after that," she surmised and proceeded to laugh.

Nice work, Carlin. It wasn't the stupidest thing I've ever said when I was drunk and it was probably not going to be the last. Also, poor Al wasn't the only man incapable of getting me off, but I wasn't about to share that information with my new friend.

"Thank God that's all," I sighed and burst into laughter at my own stupidity.

We stopped laughing and for a second, I thought about staying. I thought about jumping head first into this beautiful friendship with Ashley. I thought about doing something for myself for a change, without thinking about it and analyzing it to death. But the truth was, I still don't trust myself. I don't trust myself to make the right decision to save my life. I don't trust myself to not hurt Ashley in the process. I've been destroying everything I touch lately and even though I barely knew her, I knew that I would do anything humanly possible to never cause her pain.

I grabbed my purse and we walked out to her living room. She opened the door and we stood there before gave me a sideways glance, checking to confirm that everything was okay and asked, "So, I had a lot of fun last night. Thanks for painting the town red with me."

"I should be the one thanking you. The dress, the show, the shots, letting me crash. Last night was amazing. It was just what I needed. Thank you Ash," I said. The nickname just rolled off my tongue and I decided I like the way it felt when I said it.

Because I liked to torture myself, I leaned in and gave her a hug. It seemed like the appropriate time to do so. She linked her arms around me and we stood in an embrace, maybe for a little longer than necessary. The fire was surging through my veins again, but I forced myself to break contact. The only good thing about not hugging her was that it meant I got to look into the brown pools that controlled my thoughts recently. My imagination had nothing on the real thing, so I soaked it up.

"See ya Spence. Call me if you get bored. I'll just be nursing my hangover," she offered.

"Okay. Bye Ash."


	10. Chapter 10: Roommates

Forty eight hours. That's all it took for Ashley Davies to change my life. I shook my head as I drove home digesting this information.

I spent most of the ride trying to figure out if this friendship was capable of being something more. It was all very new and confusing to me. I can't believe I was already feeling this way about someone I just met. I decided that for now, my best move would be to be friends with Ashley. I've basically committed to seeing her for once a week for the next two months with my lessons, so I would have to tread carefully.

By the time I made it home, it was already one and Madison was actually home when I arrived, busy making lunch in the kitchen.

"Hey," she greeted me over a skillet cooking stir fry. Madison was the best roommate. She was hardly ever around, but when she was, she was always making something fantastic. Usually, she left me a Tupperware container in the fridge with her latest project. Sure, she could be a bitch sometimes, but she did have a heart of gold.

"Hey, what's up? I feel like I haven't seen you in forever," I commented.

"I know. I've been taking on some extra hours at the gym and I just started my internship last week. And where have you been? Over at Patrick's?" she asked with a smirk.

Madison worked as a trainer/Pilates instructor at a nearby gym. It was usually how she met her flavor of the month. Not that I could complain, because when we went out, these guys usually fell all over themselves to make sure she was taken care of, which meant that I was taken care of too. Patrick traveled a lot for his job, so usually Madison was my connection to the L.A. nightlife scene.

She tapped the stir fry with her spatula and glanced at me, knowing something was wrong by my expression. Uncharacteristically for her, she waited for my response. I heaved in a sigh and said, "No, actually we broke up the other night."

She looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language. She clicked off the heat and pulled the skillet of the burner, "What? I thought that boy was going to put a ring on it."

I flinched at the realization that it was so obvious to everyone else and I had stayed with Patrick a bit too long. There was nothing I could do about it now, so I continued.

"Well, he tried. I just wasn't in love with him like he was with me," I said.

"No kidding. I never had you pegged as the type to settle and that's what I thought you were doing with him."

Madison had no filter and it was refreshing, in small doses. This was a painfully large dose. Horse tranquilizer large.

"I feel horrible about it," I agonized. "I should have ended it sooner."

"Don't worry about it. If it wasn't meant to be, he'll come to realize that. Are you going to be okay?" she asked.

"Yeah. I think so. It was for the best," I said.

"Does this break-up have anything to do with the guitar in the living room? You're not going to go all Taylor Swift on my ass writing about teardrops on your guitar?"

I chuckled politely at her comment. Madison hated Taylor Swift and forced me to change the station whenever one of her songs came on. For some reason, Madison thought she was a phenomenal singer and claimed to have more talent than Taylor. Speaking as someone who's had the unfortunate pleasure of hearing her belt out some old school Mariah in her shower, she didn't.

"Not if your going to go all Kanye on my ass. In my defense, I started playing the guitar before I broke up with Patrick," I retorted.

Madison scooped the stir fry onto her plate and offered me some, which I declined. I wasn't hungover, but I wasn't feeling 100% either. Stir fry wasn't going to sit well with me. We sat at the table and talked a little more about the whole situation and guitar, when she finally asked.

"So, where were you last night? You must have been shit-faced because you look awful. Did you hook up with some random? Slutty…nice. I'm so proud of you." she babbled. Madison had a tendency of telling her mind's version of my stories before I even got a word out.

"No, I actually went out with my guitar instructor," I started and Madison was quick to interrupt before I could complete my thought.

"Oooh. Is he hot? Did you sleep with him? What's his name?" she peppered me with questions.

"Well actually, my instructor is a she. Her name is Ashley." I explained.

With that, she seemed to lose interest in the subject, but not before commenting, "God Spencer. Only you would take guitar lessons and end up learning from some chick. I mean do you know how many hot guys there are in L.A. who play the guitar?"

I just shook my head while she took a bite of her stir fry. She continued with her mouth half full, "If you want, I met this guy the other day who is in a band. Super hot. Dark hair and the most beautiful green eyes you've ever seen. I'm sure he would totally teach you."

"No, really. That's okay. I really like Ashley. I think you'd like her too."

"Seriously, Spencer. I don't think you understand how hot this guy is. He's all muscley, but he's a sensitive meat head. Body of an athlete and soul of a poet. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else."

"Thanks, but I don't think I'm quite ready to be getting under anyone right now. It will do me good to be single for a little while."

"Fine. You're loss is my gain. Do you think I can borrow that guitar of yours? If you won't ask for lessons, I sure as hell will," she said and finished the last of her stir fry.

"Go for it. One of us should get laid around here and it ain't gonna be me," I finished.

Madison smiled, but it quickly disappeared from her face. "Spencer, I do need to talk to you about something," she said tentatively. Her eyes darted away from mine to the empty plate in front of her.

"Sure, anything Madison," I replied. I was almost nervous to hear what she had to say, because there wasn't much that she took seriously.

"I know the lease is up next month and I don't know what you wanted to do, but this girl at the gym is looking for a roommate and it's a lot closer to work for me. I'm thinking about telling her yes, I just wanted you to know so you had time to plan," she said.

"Is that all?" I asked, relieved. Sure, it threw a wrench into my plans, but it gave me another opportunity to change something in my life. I liked the freedom I had knowing that I could make another decision on a whim and have it possibly be something amazing. It didn't change the fact that I still didn't trust my decision making abilities, but at least this couldn't involve hurting anybody.

"Yeah," she said with a smile.

"Well, I'm okay with that. I'm going to miss living with you and your culinary skills of course," I admitted.

"Aw. I'm going to miss you too Spence," she said and gave me a hug. "I gotta get going soon, I picked up an afternoon shift tonight at the gym," Madison elaborated as she stood from the table.

She began to wash her dishes and I headed into my room.

I decided after looking myself over in the mirror, that Madison was right. I looked awful. I was in desperate need of a shower. I got ready and decided that now was as good of a time as any to head over to my parents. My dad cooked a mean Sunday dinner and I tried to make it once a month during college and grad school. I wasn't about to stop the tradition now. Tonight was a big deal since it was in honor of my recent graduation. Even though I didn't have to be there for hours, it would be nice to not sit in my apartment alone. I had to admit a free meal with my parents was better than the instant noodles that waited for me here.

Now I just had to endure the certain torture of Paula that was waiting for me there as well.


	11. Chapter 11: You had me at Lasagna

A/N: This one is for all you smarty pants out there who knew this was going to happen as foreshadowed earlier!

I arrived over at my parents around three. Luckily, my mom was out delivering some of dad's world famous lasagna to some old person at their church who was too ill to make it to church anymore. As a bonus, she forced Glen to go with her.

While my mom and brother were out, this gave me some much needed alone time with my dad. He had already made our lasagna for tonight since had to make one for Mr. Cranston anyway. Now, he was in the process of making an angel food cake for dessert. He assigned me to the task of cutting up strawberries, which I took on gladly.

"Dad?" I asked as he measured out the flour for his cake.

"Yeah Spence. What's on your mind?" he prodded.

"How did you know that mom was the one? Was it love at first sight?"

My dad is the sweetest man with a heart of gold. He's quiet, mainly because my mom doesn't let him get in a word edge wise. Never raises his voice, so when he does speak, it's important to listen. He's also very much of a realist, so I was anxious to hear what he had to say. Nothing is off limits between us and I know that I can always be honest with him and he will do the same for me.

He set down his measuring cup on the counter and looked up as if scanning his memory for the exact moment when he saw my mom for the first time.

His response surprised me. "Yeah, it was love at first sight. I'll never forget when I saw her in the library. I couldn't explain it, but I was drawn to her. We were like magnets and it was a force I couldn't resist. I had to talk to her. I knew there was a reason, but I didn't know yet what that reason was," he reminisced with a shrug.

I stared at him, trying to hide my shock. Shock at the fact that he believed in love at first sight, that he felt it with mom. Shock at the fact that his description sent chills through my body. Shock at the fact that his explanation was exactly how I felt about Ashley.

He sighed, torn between not wanting to overstep his bounds and wanting to offer me his best fatherly advice. "It's okay, Spence. You know that right? If Patrick wasn't right for you, then you made the right choice. And when you find the right person…well when you know, you know," he said simply.

I just smiled and swallowed him in a hug. "Thanks, dad," I mumbled into his apron clad chest.

When I pulled away, he just smiled and reminded me, "I love you, Spencer."

"I love you too, Dad."

"Now lets get back to work, this cake isn't going to bake itself," he suggested.

I had chopped all of the strawberries and was watching my dad as he was mixing the cake batter when my phone vibrated. I looked and saw a new text from Ashley.

_Two questions. How does your hair look so perfect in the morning? I'm officially jealous. When I wake up it looks like the floor at a dog grooming salon. Second, do you have any idea where my keys are? I am getting hungry and have no way to get into my car._

Shit! I totally forgot about Ashley's car. It was still parked at the bar. I ran over to my purse and felt around the bottom of the black hole for a few moments before pulling out Ashley's keys.

_Two Answers: 1. Good DNA and 2. In my purse. I'm so sorry! I can drop them off to you if you don't mind waiting about half an hour._

She texted me back immediately.

_Thank God. I was looking everywhere for them. I'll be around whenever you get a chance._

I dropped the phone into my purse and headed back into the kitchen were my dad was pouring the batter into a flour lined pan.

"What's up honey? Is everything okay?" he asked.

"Yeah. I have a friend's keys and I need to return them to her. I'll be back in less than an hour," I explained.

"Okay. We have plenty of time before dinner starts so take your time and drive safe," he said.

I shot Ashley another text to let her know I was leaving as I made my way out to my car. I arrived at her condo twenty five minutes later and wrapped lightly on her door.

Ashley opened it and I couldn't help but give her a sheepish look due to the fact I had her keys the whole time. Her Sunday look was casual; denim Capri's and white tank top. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she had large silver hoop earrings. Every time I saw her, I couldn't help myself from noticing some new small detail that took my breath away. Although she was always different, she was perfect in anything.

"If this whole misplaced items thing keeps happening, I'm going to think your stalking me, Spence," she joked.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't realize that I had the keys. And I completely forgot we left your car behind last night," I confessed.

"It's no big deal. I forgot I left my car there last night, too. You can make it up to me by taking me to my car," Ashley offered and gave me a hopeful stare with those big brown eyes I couldn't resist. It was completely unnecessary since I planned on taking her anyways, but it made me smile. Ashley seemed to have that effect on me a lot.

On the way to her car, Ashley said apologetically, "I hope I didn't ruin your plans for today."

We got in and I started the engine while I disclosed the sad truth, "No. This is embarrassing. I was at my parents house for dinner. It's for my graduation, kind of."

"Oh shit, I'm sorry. I should have tried to reach you earlier. I didn't even think about my car until just recently. To be honest, I went back to bed for a while after you left. This could have waited. I'm sure there was some old Chinese food in my fridge."

I waved a hand at her to get my point across. "No way. I'm actually glad you texted me. I wasn't looking forward to the barrage of questions from my mom about my relationship status, or lack thereof."

"Aw. I like the fact that your mom is all in your business. It shows she cares. My mom spent much of my formative years globetrotting with a slew of completely useless men. She is what you would call a cougar, although I thoroughly hate that term," she

I just laughed politely at Ashley and her explanation of her mother's parenting skills. I didn't push for more information, even though I could listen to her talk all day. She could read the phone book, if they still made them, and it would hold my attention. Just five hours ago, I told myself that I was just going to work on keeping my thoughts strictly as a friendship and I was already wavering on that.

"I know she means well. I just don't want to deal with it all," I admitted guiltily, shooting her a glance. It made me sad that her mom had been more interested in chasing after random men then spending time with Ashley.

If I had been a cartoon character, this would be the exact moment a light bulb would have been drawn over my head. "Hey, would you like to join me for dinner tonight?"

"Seriously? Like I don't know what your trying to do right now, Spencer. You think you can just use me as some sort of emotional buffer between you and your family?" she quipped.

Busted. I gave her my best pout and tried to excuse my behavior. "It's not like that. Okay, it is totally like that. But, you said you were hungry and my dad makes the best lasagna this side of the Rockies. Even I have to admit my family is almost normal."

Cue puppy dog eyes. It seemed to be working. Ashley just stared at me in disbelief so I knew I had to put the icing on the guilt trip cake.

"Puh-puh-puh-please," I begged. I am evil. Genius, but evil. And I can't forget pathetic, either.

She sighed heavily and turned to look out the window before acknowledging my pitiful display. "Fine," she announced into the window. "But I can't even look at you right now."


	12. Chapter 12: Dinner with the Carlins

A/N: Because I love you all, it's a long one! Stupid logon wouldn't let me post any sooner, but the good news is that I am chugging along with the story.

I dropped Ashley off at her car and she proceeded to follow me to my parents house. I called my dad to let him know that there would be one more at our dinner tonight.

By the time we made it back to my parents, Glen and my mom were back. I exited my Ford Escape and waited for Ashley to make her way out of the Porsche.

"Thanks for agreeing to do this," I said.

"No problem. I'm just glad it stopped your feeble attempt groveling. Oh, and to be clear, this better be the best freaking lasagna I've ever had in my entire life," she declared nonchalantly and sauntered to the front door.

I stopped a few paces behind her, stunned by the boldness of her statement and the hotness of it. Ashley made sarcasm one of the sexiest things I'd ever heard. At least she was always keeping my on my toes. Unless she wanted to sweep me off my feet…

I caught up to her and gave her a look to confirm that she was ready and she nodded. I opened the door and we entered. My mom looked up from setting the table and walked over to greet us.

She gave me a look with sad eyes, which I ignored and hugged me.

"Mom, this is Ashley." I stated, torn between introducing her as my guitar teacher or my friend. Or my secret crush.

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Carlin," Ashley said.

"Call me Paula," my mom clarified before hugging Ashley too. "Nice to meet you, sweetheart."

Glen came jogging down the stairs and took one look at Ashley and said, "Wow."

"And this is my brother Glen. Although I have no proof and my parents deny it, I'm pretty sure he was raised by wolves until he was five. Glen, this is Ashley," I said.

I noticed his eyes tracing over her body as he walked down the last few steps. I hoped I hadn't been that obvious or that it wasn't some sort of genetic thing that ran in the Carlin family.

Ashley chuckled at my joke and extended her hand to Glen. He took it and instead of shaking it like a normal human being, he kissed the top of her hand. Gross, and who does that?

"Pleasure to meet you," he said. Being a star basketball player in high school worked to my brothers advantage because girls threw themselves at him. He never had to use pick up lines, alcohol or normal human interaction to meet girls like most guys did. Then he met Chelsea junior year and they dated until midway through his senior year when he learned he was accepted to Duke. Now whatever game he had on the court back in the day, he severely lacked in real life. How he managed to pick up girls in college, I'll never know. Maybe that's why since Chelsea, he could never land a girl for not much longer than a night.

Ashley gave Glen a polite smile but glanced at me from the corner of her eye with a _is this kid for real _look.

I leaned in and whispered, "Almost normal. For the record, I said they were _almost_ normal."

My mouth lingered by her ear for a slight second longer and I smelled the familiar smell of her shampoo again. Those thoughts were replaced by the sound of her laughter and once I heard that sound, I felt like I was on top of the world, knowing I was the one who caused it.

My dad entered from the kitchen, still clad in his flour covered apron. Even his bright blue eyes seemed to shine even more at the sight of Ashley. Apparently, as I was finding out, Ashley was irresistible to my entire family. He introduced himself and have her a quick handshake after wiping his palms on his apron.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Carlin. Spencer tells me you make the best lasagna in Sothern California."

My dad gave an embarrassed smile and replied, "Call me Arthur. And Spencer shouldn't set the bar so high. But the cooking skills run in the family. Spencer makes these brownies that are out of this world," he bragged.

I loved when my dad was proud of me, even if he was shamelessly digging for a compliment of his own. Reluctantly, and because I am a daddy's girl through and through, I obliged.

"It's only because I learned from the master," I confirmed with a nod in his direction.

With that, we all walked into the dining room where our places were already set. For much of the meal, Ashley was her usual charming self, getting my parents to talk about their jobs and why we moved to California. I was stunned that she had remembered so much of what I had told her yesterday.

"How did you two meet?" my dad asked, making conversation.

"I just started taking guitar lessons and Ashley is my instructor," I replied. It was an innocent question, but I felt myself getting little hot when I felt Ashley watching me. I couldn't help but not make eye contact with Ashley and give her a quick smile.

"That's great Spencer," my mom beamed while my dad shook his head in agreement. "When did you start taking lessons?"

"Uh, Friday," I responded hesitantly.

"So, you two have only known each other for a few days?" my mom wondered aloud. It was a little odd for me to bring a stranger to the house and I had never mentioned anything about Ashley before.

After seeing me fumble with the other, Ashley fielded the question with a smile, "Yeah. It's funny how life works like that. We even have a mutual friend in common, Chelsea Lewis."

With that name being dropped, Glen choked on his garlic bread and began to take large gulps of his water.

Yes, score one for Ashley! I tried my best to hide a smile. Breaking up with Chelsea was the biggest mistake my idiot brother had ever made. And there were a LOT of big stupid mistakes to choose from when it came to Glen. Believe me.

"Oh, how nice. I haven't talked to Chelsea in ages. What is she up to?" mom asked while giving Glen the kind of guilt ridden stare that only a mother could.

"She's actually an artist here in L.A. We just went to see her show last night," Ashley continued.

"What the hell, Spencer? You didn't think that this would be useful information for me to know?" Glen growled once he'd managed to get control of his lungs.

Part of me felt a little bad, because I knew Glen deeply regretted breaking up with Chelsea. After the breakup, she decided to go to art school in Paris. When he tore his ACL and realized his dream of playing at Duke was over, he tried to get her back, but she decided to put herself first. Can't say that I blame her.

"Sorry, Glen. I was going to tell you," I remarked.

Ashley mouthed an "I'm Sorry," to me and I responded with an "It's okay" to her.

"Glen, that's no way to talk to your sister," my dad chimed in. He was never the disciplinarian, but nobody messes with me without a little hell from Arthur.

"Why do you always take her side? Maybe Spencer should stop deflecting all of her issues on to me," he snarled.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, offended.

"It's obvious you don't want to talk about Patrick. Jesus, Spencer. But really, bringing some random girl you barely know to dinner so you don't have to deal with your problems. What is going on with you?" Glen continued.

"Glen," my dad warned while my mom gave him the stare down.

I had no idea Chelsea was this much of a hot button issue for him, but I wasn't about to get in the middle of a knock-down drag out fight with Glen over this.

Instead, I just asked, "May we be excused?"

"Sure honey, why don't you show Ashley around?" my dad offered.

Ashley and I left the table and I decided to take her upstairs first. On the way upstairs, she grabbed my hand at the top of the landing. Drawn by the feeling of her skin on mine, I stopped and looked down at my hand, dumbfounded.

"Hey, I'm so sorry about mentioning Chelsea. I didn't realize it was going to turn into that. Maybe it would be best if I left," she said.

She released my hand, but kept her gaze focused on my face. "It's okay. You don't have to leave unless you feel uncomfortable. In all seriousness, it's not a big deal, really. Glen is a total ass and I'm sure he's has already forgotten about it. In fact, I guarantee you that sometime tonight he will ask me if you're single," I consoled with a laugh.

"All right. It's settled. I'm not going anywhere, then. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Better than fine," I thought out loud.

Finally, we ended up in my bedroom, where Ashley lingered as she looked over my décor.

Embarrassed, I tried to explain, "I haven't lived here since I was eighteen and the last time I decorated I was about fifteen."

"No. I like it. I never had you pegged as a cheer-bitch. I mean cheerleader," she quickly corrected as her eyes scanned my trophies and pom poms. "But a Chad Michael Murray fan, really Spence?"

I looked over at the One Tree Hill poster she was currently pointing at.

"Again, I can't be held responsible for my taste seven years ago. And I was never a cheer-bitch," I said I little defensively.

"Sorry, things were a lot different at my high school," she explained and jumped on my bed. Is it wrong I liked the way she looked in my bed? Shit, there were those thoughts again.

"What's on your mind?" she inquired.

Nothing that I wanted to say out loud, so I fumbled for the words to say. "Nothing, I just hope that you're using this room to figure me out," I said and immediately regretted.

"Figure you out?" she said with a furrowed brow.

"Yeah, even I feel like I've stepped in a time machine and sometimes I don't recognize this girl_,_" I expressed and darted my eyes around the room.

I took a step towards the bed as I locked eyes with hers. Moth, meet your flame. I stumbled a little bit when my knees hit the side of my bed and plopped down on it keeping my back towards her. Even then, I felt her eyes burning through my back. I hated that I had to keep putting this guard up around her, but I felt like it was the only thing I could do to keep my sanity.

Ashley sat up on the bed and paused for a minute before speaking.

"I didn't mean it like that. You are a mystery to me, Spencer. I've never been so intrigued by someone. And to be here is a little surreal. We did just meet two days ago. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to get know you," she admitted.

With that, I couldn't keep up my pathetic act.

"All you have to do is ask," I said, glad to finally say one thing that popped into my head right away. I got up from the bed and reached out a hand, offering to pull her from my bed. Willingly, she took it and I pulled her towards myself. As her body's momentum reached me, I stumbled back, but not enough and her body was pressed to mine.

We stood there for a bit longer than necessary. Myself, I was paralyzed when her body was this close to mine. She breathed on my neck and the soft sensation of her mouth so close to my body drove me wild. I fought the urge to push back the bangs that covered those brown eyes I wanted to see more than anything. I was scared that if I looked, this wouldn't be real. Right now, I couldn't deal with this not being real.

While we stayed close, I thought of a hundred things I wanted to say to her, but discarded them all. All I knew is that I wanted any excuse to have as many more of those moments as I could with her. I was done fighting myself and I would always find a way to make her stay.

"You said all I have to do is ask?" Ashley asked absently as she thought back to our conversation moments earlier.

"Yeah," I said timidly. I was aware of the tension between us at this very moment and how it was very possible that a single question could change everything from right to wrong.

Fear pulled me away from the warmth of her body. Fear that she would ask the one thing I wasn't prepared to answer. Fear that she would surely notice my heart pounding so close to hers. So I took a step back, but never took my eyes away from her.

"Good to know," she commented mysteriously. "I've got some thinking to do. For now, I just have one question for you that I've wanted to know since I arrived. What are these brownies your father speaks of?"

I smiled because she never ceased to amaze me. Every time I was scared or nervous, she managed to take it away.

"You'll just have to stick around if you want to find out the answer to that one," I replied with some much needed confidence. I could make some pretty mean brownies, but I wasn't about to be giving my trade secrets away just yet. Plus, I needed a bargaining chip to keep this girl around.

"Hmm. Somehow, I don't think that will be a problem. Unless you expect me to watch reruns of One Tree Hill with you."

"Hey, that was a really good show!" I protested.

My mom, being the neurotic freak that she is and not knowing my whereabouts for more than ten minutes called out my name from somewhere upstairs.

"We're in here, Mom," I said shaking my head at Ashley.

Moments later, she popped her head into my room.

"Are you girls ready for desert? Glen wants to leave soon so he can finish lesson plans tonight," she explained.

"Sure, we'll be right down," I said.

Mom gave me a motherly _we'll talk later stare that Ashley's presence didn't mean I was going to be able to get out of an awkward chat tonight._


	13. Chapter 13: Isn't Family Wonderful?

A/N: Seems like everyone is liking the sexual tension between these two J. There is PLENTY more where that came from! True to life, I even write like a huge tease, so better get used to it…

Mom and Dad had finished cleaning up while we were upstairs and were sitting in the living room waiting for Ashley and I. Ashley's desire to get to know me more were immediately met as my parents shared some of my more embarrassing childhood antidotes. Much to my dismay, Ashley was very interested in getting to know that part of my life and my family was more than eager to indulge all her requests.

Once I realized I wasn't going to be able to stop this runaway train, I excused myself to use the bathroom. The possibility of Ashley hearing about me peeing my pants when I was five was severely less frightening than actually peeing them in front of her as an adult. Who doesn't love a good pee story?

While making my way back to the living room, Glen cornered me in the hallway.

"Spencer," he started.

"What do you want now?" I demanded.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting to here about Chelsea from some girl I barely know. It just caught me off guard. Don't be mad," he pleaded and I saw the sincerity in his eyes.

"It's okay, but only because I know how much Chelsea meant to you," I acknowledged.

"Spencer, one last thing?"

"Yeah?" I said.

"Your friend is smoking hot. She single?" Glen asked. I can't believe I was actually feeling sorry for him! He had a goofy lopsided grin on his face and I fought the urge to smack it off his face. The thought of his greasy hands roaming all over Ashley's body made me want to gag.

"Like it matters. It probably wouldn't stop you from trying to fuck her anyway," I huffed. I had already dealt with enough of Glen's shit for one night.

"Geez, Spencer. Chill out. I wouldn't be a very good big brother if I didn't try to hit on all of your friends," he half-joked with his eyebrows raised.

"Yeah, and we all know how well that always works out. Zoe still won't talk to me because of whatever happened between you, asshole!" I reminded him.

Zoe was a friend from college who hooked up with Glen during my senior year. Although neither of them would say a word, right after that she moved to New York City. Personally, I believe it is because she needed to maintain a two thousand mile distance from my pig of a brother. The biggest insult came when she even went so far as to de-friend me on Facebook. Though Glen and I share half of the same DNA, it was still harsh.

Glen ran a hand through his blonde curls and grinned before proceeding. "Hostile much? And for the record, I did nothing to hurt Zoe. What happened between us is complicated and I promised her I wouldn't say anything. Can you at least check for me about Ashley?"

I just rolled my eyes and replied sarcastically, "Yeah, I'll get right on that," before I left him standing there in the hallway. I thought about Glen's comment about not hurting Zoe. After they hooked up he never mentioned anything about that night, even though I'd asked him about it a hundred times. I had always assumed he had done something horrible to her. Something about the whole situation still didn't sit right with me.

I walked towards the living room where I was certain Ashley was being tortured or I was being humiliated. When I entered the living room, I realized that I had made it back just in time. My dad was excitedly leaning forward, almost to the point of invading Ashley's personal space. For a second, I thought he was going to fall off the couch.

"So your father is Raife Davies? You have to tell him I am a HUGE PurpleVenom fan. I went to The Faded Light tour back in '87..."

My ears and my mortification level could take no more because right now he was a fame monster who needed to be stopped. He was one silly band away from looking like a twelve year old girl at a Justin Beiber concert. "Dad," I interjected.

Three sets of eyes looked at me, at least one of them, Ashley's, was in relief. "Trust me, nobody wants to hear that story," I said.

My dad looked a little disappointed, but this was necessary. The whole situation was highly embarrassing.

My mom sighed disapproval.

"Spencer, don't talk to your father like that," she scolded.

Glen entered the room and flicked me on the shoulder. "Way to go, Spencer. What did I miss?" he asked plopping into a recliner.

He always loved it when I would get in trouble. Countless times as children, he would instigate purely so I could get caught. Drawing on the wall seemed like a good idea only after it had been suggested that mom and dad would like my The Little Mermaid mural as a permanent part of the house.

"Fine. If nobody wants to hear about my first time crowd surfing, I will be in the kitchen making the frosting for our dessert," he teased and squeezed my shoulder on his way out to let me know it was okay.

Minutes later he returned, serving Ashley and I dessert first. Ashley ate her cake and leaned over to me and whispered, "I really like your family…well almost everybody."

I chuckled, knowing exactly whom she meant by almost everybody.

A short while later, Ashley let me know it was time for her to leave. I was sad to see her go. There was no more weekend left and I was certain I wouldn't be seeing her again until Friday. Why was Friday always so far away?

My family said their goodbyes to Ashley and I walked her to the front door.

"Thank you for coming," I said as I leaned back into the door jam.

She gave me a nose crinkling smile and I was glad I was already leaning on the door for support. Otherwise, I probably would have fallen on my ass right in front of her as my knees gave out on me.

"Thanks for inviting me. I've never been into the whole family bonding thing, but I'm glad I came over. You're family is as great as you made them seem when you told me about them yesterday."

I looked back in the living room and had to agree. "Yeah, they're not half bad."

We stood there in silence for a moment and she finally leaned in, wrapping me in her embrace. I pulled away from the doorway and felt her hand trace my shoulder blade lightly. I wouldn't mind if this could last a little longer, but I was aware that my family was twenty feet away and we both pulled back at the same time.

"See you, Spence," she said.

"Night, Ash," I replied.

She stopped a few steps away and turned back to comment, "Oh and Spence, that was the best freaking lasagna I've ever had."

I got it bad I thought as I shut the door behind her with a stupid grin plastered on my face. I rested my back against the shut door, preparing for the chaos that was certain to ensue when I went back into the living room.


	14. Chapter 14: Opportunities

A/N: I skipped ahead a little over the whole family dynamic, because I need more Spashley in my life. I'm a little disheartened by the bitterness on the you tube videos for the SON movie. Being an adult is very overrated. So, I'm going back to a much more pleasant time for this version of Spash and also for myself.

Except for the third degree from my parents (i.e. my mom) about Patrick Sunday night, this week wasn't shaping up too bad. It was already Wednesday and I was inching closer to my lesson with Ashley. The good news was that we had been talking intermittently over the past few days. I had been busy working Monday and Tuesday, but was off today. This meant more searching for jobs.

I sighed as I scrolled through the same list of crappy jobs online. After a few hours they all blended together. I didn't remember which ones I had applied for and which ones I hadn't. Mental note: Need to keep a list of the jobs I've already applied for. This would involve getting my ass off the couch and that wouldn't need to happen until I had to pee or got hungry.

Meanwhile, I decided that I would also update my contact list and make some calls to where I had a few internships in the past to see if anyone had heard of any openings. But that could wait. I rubbed my temples and I felt a headache coming on.

I gazed over my laptop at the television which was now blaring an episode of "Wife Swap." Disgusted, I grabbed the remote and turned it off when my phone began to vibrate.

Maybe it's Ashley, I thought to myself and began to smile. The display flashed a local number I didn't recognize, but I answered it anyway.

"Hello?" I greeted.

"Hey, Spencer. It's Sean, Chelsea's boyfriend," the man explained.

What the hell was Sean calling me for and how did he get my number?

"Oh, hey Sean. How are you?" I said, trying to hide the confusion in my voice.

Obviously, I did a terrible job, because I head Sean chuckle on the line.

"I'm fine. You don't remember what we talked about Saturday, do you?"

I closed my eyes and tried to think back to the events of that night, but embarrassment pretty much took over and wouldn't allow any rational thoughts in.

"Umm. No. You'll have to refresh my memory," I admitted.

"It's all good. We've all had those nights. But the reason I'm calling you is because we had a really great conversation about classic movies the other night. I still don't agree with your feelings about Citizen Kane, but I like your style. Anyhow, I'm working on a project with a major studio and I heard of an opening for a Digital Media specialist that I think you'll be perfect for," he offered.

"Seriously, that's amazing. I'm in," I said.

"Don't you don't even know what it is or how much it pays?" he asked.

"Yeah, I want to know but it doesn't matter. I'm interested. I need to do something creative or I'm going to loose all this energy," I teased.

"I'll meet you for lunch tomorrow if you're free around one so we can talk more about the position and set up an interview if you're interested. Come casual, I'm just trying to make sure you get prepped before I schedule anything formal with the executive producer. And maybe we'll talk a little bit about your negotiation abilities. This is Hollywood after all.""Sounds good to me. Where do you want to meet?" I asked.

"Picanha Brazilian barbeque?"

"Perfect, I'll see you there at one then," I confirmed,

"See you then, Spencer," he said and disconnected.

I was on cloud nine. Anything had to be better than taking pictures of ugly, crying babies all day. I squealed and had enough energy to hop off the couch and do my awesome dance clutching my phone in my hand the entire time. Thankfully, Madison wasn't around to see this or else I'd never be able to live it down.

I was about to draft a text message to Ashley when I felt my phone go off in my hand. I looked down and saw her name on the display and I was as giddy as a pony at the state fair.

"Who is the most talented spectacular person you know?" I rambled into the phone.

"Uh, me?" Ashley retorted cockily. "And hello to you too, Spence."

"Oh my God Ashley, Sean just called and he thought of me for a position based on meeting me Saturday. How sweet is that?"

"That's amazing Spence. Sounds like a celebration is in order. You should swing by tonight for dinner. I don't get out of here until nine though, so it will be a little late."

"I think I could handle that, but only if you let me bring dessert," I bargained.

"Brownies? The world famous Spencer Carlin specialty brownies?" she asked.

"Hmm. Maybe. I don't know if your ready to handle the brownies yet, Davies," I admonished. "I might have to start you off with something a little more tame and then we'll work our way up to those brownies."

She scoffed on the other line and responded with a casual, " Whatever. Quite frankly, I think you might be over-playing your brownies hand."

"Never underestimate the power of the brownie," I warned. "Now I know your so not ready for them."

"Okay, I guess I will have to settle for whatever crumbs you deem me worthy of. But I will take that as a yes, so feel free to stop by anytime after nine-thirty."

"See you then," I said, unable to control the smile that threatened to cover up my entire face and swallow me whole.

"K. See you then," she said.

With that call, I concluded my job searching for the day. I was too high on life at the moment to waste it on something as useless as job hunting. I sat there and pondered what I was going to make for dessert tonight. There was a fatal flaw in my shit-talking earlier. Every other dessert I've made in the past paled in comparison to those goddamn brownies. I was still as giddy as a pony at the state fair, except I was now realizing I was a one-trick pony!

First impressions of ones cooking skills are nothing to mess with, so I searched the cabinets and saw that I had everything I needed to make them. It was settled. If anyone deserved the brownies, it was Ashley.

I cranked up the Pandora on my computer and danced around in my shorts while getting all the ingredients together to make the brownies. There may have even been a few moments where I sang in my spatula and the lyrics of the songs I listened to kept reminding me of Ashley.

My own thoughts intertwined with the music as I mixed the batter together. I placed the batter into the oven to make and I knew I had to write a few of these things down. For my song, perhaps? At least I could say I was working on one, now. After scrawling down some lyrics on a piece of paper, I was stumped. Yet, I had a good feeling I was going to be inspired a lot.

While my brownies finished baking, I cleaned up the kitchen. Time seemed to move slower than ever as I counted down to meeting with Ashley again. I think I might have a little problem with addiction. Finally after what felt like forever while I cleaned my apartment and got ready, it was time to leave with my brownies in hand.


	15. Chapter 15: Sisters and Brownies

A/N: Gee, I hope everybody likes lots and lots Spashley time…. Thanks for all your wonderful reviews and for adding my story as an alert, I'm pretty proud of this little gem. Enough of my big head! Sorry to all of you wanting more kisses, don't get me wrong kisses are hella amazing, but there's something super sexy about the little moments that lead up to the first kiss, making it that much better. For me, it's all about the little things you can do to show how much you appreciate the special person in your life. I know I lose sight of how important it is to make it known. It doesn't cost anything, so do something nice for the one you love and that's an order!

I arrived at Ashley's at nine twenty-four and spent the next few minutes checking my makeup before I exited my car. Strawberry Banana lip gloss was reapplied to make my lips look and taste delicious, if that was something necessary for later. By the time I finally finished, it was nine-thirty three, which actually made me slightly happy because I didn't want to seem too eager to see her, even if I was.

I strolled to the door at a leisurely pace and adjusted my cleavage before I rang the bell. The girls looked good tonight and my top was super low cut, leaving little to the imagination. They are my favorite assets.

A short, but pretty girl with familiar brown eyes answered the door. I gave a sideways glance to the number on the door to make sure I was at the right place.

"Hi, I'm Spencer. Is Ashley here?" I asked awkwardly.

Luckily, the brunette flashed me a warm smile and I felt that insecurity falter.

"Hey, I'm Kyla, Ashley's sister. Come in," she said opening the door wider to allow me entrance. She closed the door behind me and Kyla and I stood in the entry way for a moment.

"She's in the kitchen working on dinner. I don't know how you did it, because Ashley doesn't cook for anyone," Kyla commented with a mischievous grin.

Something about the way Kyla had just said that sentence and the way she was looking at me, made me feel a little uncomfortable. Then again my boobs were practically falling out of my shirt. When I looked in her eyes, I realized it wasn't that and she wasn't in the slightest bit distracted by what I was wearing. It wasn't the same type of general unsettling feeling I had around Ashley, but it felt like Kyla was reading every thought in my brain. I know that this wasn't possible, but it still made me very nervous, especially considering the type of thoughts I can't seem to control when I'm around Ashley.

"Oh, nice to finally meet you and I guess I should thank you for having the same size feet as me," I said.

Kyla just gave me a puzzled expression. I realized I needed to explain before I looked like a total creeper.

"Uh, I borrowed your shoes this weekend. The silver sandals. They were hot, but severely painful," I continued on my awkward rant.

Kyla must have unnerved me more than I had thought, but her smile reassured me I wasn't making too big of a fool out of myself.

"Yeah, I love those things. They make my ass look phenomenal, but cause me some serious pain the next morning," she admitted.

"Thank you, I hope you don't mind that some stranger was just wearing your shoes," I commented.

Kyla chuckled and responded with, "Anytime and you're not a stranger. You're Spencer. I feel like I've known you for years. You're all Ashley's been talking about for the past few days."

As Kyla's comments sunk in, my heart started pounding and I thought I was going to pass out or throw up. Physically, something was wrong with me, but it passed as quickly as it came. Had Ashley really been talking about me that much?

Ashley burst into where we were standing, still donning oven mitts and an apron. She looked hot.

"Kyla, what the fuck? Are you trying to convince my new friend I'm some creepy weirdo? Now I know why I don't invite people over," Ashley fumed. The feistiness only made her hotter. At that moment I wished for two things. One-that Kyla wasn't there and Two-that Ashley was naked under that apron.

"Hmm, somehow I don't think that is going to be an issue," Kyla said cryptically and left the room. Ashley for the first time turned her attention to me. I noticed her eyes gaze a little lower tonight and I smiled proudly at myself and my boobs. Two points for Spencer.

Ashley sucked in a sigh and left her lips parted, unable to say anything. Make that three points for Spencer.

"What's her deal?" I asked sticking my thumb towards Kyla's bedroom door. "Does she have like super powers?"

Ashley laughed at my stupid joke and I kicked off my flip flops so I could make my way towards the kitchen.

"No. Unless you count being a royal pain in my ass a super power," she finally decided. "You look…um… wow tonight. Do you have a permit for those things?" she teased.

"Why are you going to arrest me officer?" I countered. I don't know what was making me so bold tonight, but I kinda liked it. Maybe it was the possibility of a job or maybe it was just being in Ashley's presence again. I felt oddly comfortable and confident and more at ease with myself than I have in a long time.

I followed her into the kitchen where she there was a pot boiling on the stove top and set my pan of brownies on the kitchen counter.

"Smells amazing, what's on the menu, chef?" I asked.

"I'm glad you asked. It's one of my favorites. I hope you like seafood, because I have oven baked Mahi Mahi, roasted Asparagus and mushroom risotto."

"Fancy. I love seafood and never knew you had such skills. Have you been holding out on me?" I asked cocking an eyebrow.

"Never. Actually, Sunday dinner inspired me a little. I bought this Monday and was planning on making it tonight, but I'm so glad you came over because I owe it all to you anyway," she stated.

I fought off the blush for a second-nope-never mind. There is was, right on schedule, covering my entire face. "Me?" I asked dumbfounded poking myself in the chest. Was my new found confidence already faltering from just one compliment from her?

Ashley looked around the room before responding with her eyes rolling, "Yeah, you. There's no one else in here."

"Wait," she said holding up an index finger and rummaging through the cupboard. She shut the door and continued, "Nope, nobody there, still just you and me."

"Aren't you just the cutest little smart ass?" I concluded.

"Guilty as charged. Can I get you something to drink? We have water or water," she offered as she pulled out two pint glasses from the cabinet.

"Water's great," I said.

Ashley took a moment to fill the glasses and I stood there for a moment before asking, "Do you need help with anything?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Spence. It's your special dinner. Go ahead and make yourself comfortable," she said sliding a glass onto the table in front of me.

"Kyla's not going to eat with us?" I asked.

Ashley shook her head no and explained with a shrug, "She already ate. She get's cranky if she has to wait to eat."

I sat on the bar stool and watched her finish preparing the meal, which didn't take too much longer. Ashley plated two dishes and walked over next to the barstool where I was sitting and placed them on the settings in front of us. She hopped onto a bar stool and raised her glass of water.

"To Spencer, on her great new adventure," she toasted.

"To Ashley, on her culinary masterpiece," I replied and we clinked our glasses together.

Dinner was delicious. I battled between being polite and looking like a total pig as I contemplated getting seconds.

"Wow, Ash. That was incredible," I complimented as I decided to forgo my second helping.

She looked down shyly at her plate and that was the second time tonight I had her speechless. Ashley usually had a tough exterior and it was nice to see her let her guard down a bit. I liked to see there was a part of her that was a little insecure.

"Thanks, it's just something easy," she said as she twirled her fork on her napkin.

She grabbed her plate and walked into the kitchen silently. I cleared off my placemat and followed behind her, stacking my plate against hers. Ashley started to wrap up the leftovers, stacking more items beside me on the counter. Not being one to be completely useless, I popped open the dishwasher and began loading the items after rinsing them.

I shut the door as Ashley finished putting her leftovers in the fridge and we almost collided in the small kitchen. We stood there, close to one another, trying to move out of each others way, but always going in the same direction.

I laughed nervously and we just stared at each other before we heard, "Ahem, coming though," as Kyla entered the kitchen. I took this as my sign and retreated back into the living room and laid down on the couch.

I heard the low rumblings of Kyla and Ashley talking in the kitchen, but couldn't make out what they were saying followed by the sound of Kyla's door shutting. I was really glad I hadn't eaten seconds because I was stuffed and I just laid there rubbing my stomach contentedly.

"You going to be okay?" Ashley inquired as she set a fresh glass of water down in front of me.

I shot up to make room for her on the couch. "Yeah. I can't get over how good that was."

"Flattery will get you no where. And I guess you'll probably want to wait a while before dessert then?" she more asked then stated.

"Just like thirty minutes, maybe."

"How about forty three?" Ashley asked.

"That's a very specific number," I mused trying to figure out what she meant.

Ashley grabbed the remote and flicked on the T.V. before she continued, "You see, today I stumbled across something rather interesting on hulu."

She got up and plugged her laptop in the side of her Sony and the television lit up with her background to her laptop. It was a picture of the hands of a couple with fingers interlaced.

"I like your background," I commented absently while Ashley maximized the screen and I recognized the logo right away.

"One Tree Hill?" I gasped, unable to hide the shock in my voice.

Ashley's brown curls were still all I could see and her back was to me as she turned up the volume. She set the laptop down and turned back to me, a smile beaming on her face.

"Yeah. I figured you have pretty good taste, so I guess I can see what all the swooning is about. From the smile on your face, I'd say it's already worth it even if this ends up being the lamest show I've ever seen,"

It was at that moment I realized I was head over heels for this girl. No more denying this feeling that was beginning to overwhelm me. Wait as second. Did she really just say that to me about my smile ? What does that mean? Get a grip, Spencer, I told myself as the thoughts bombarded my brain.

Ashley plopped down on the couch next to me while we watched the pilot episode. During which, we alternated between watching the show and talking about my interview this week.

Ashley started to doze off right before the end of the first episode and her head found it's way to my shoulder. In that moment, everything felt like it was right where it belonged. The chaos of my life made sense. I breathed in the soft scent of her hair and felt my eyelids tug down and drifted off to sleep with her.

I was woken by a vaguely familiar voice booming, "Hey, sleeping beauties! Wake up!"

Kyla stood over us on the couch and I pulled away jerkily, causing Ashley's head to bounce down onto the couch and wake her up. In my hazy dry contact vision, I could tell the television screen was displaying the next episode of the first season.

The petite brunette shot Ashley a knowing look and Ashley responded back with one of her own. As I watched the sisters communicate without any words being spoken, I wished I had a sister. Kyla left again with a satisfied look on her face and Ashley glanced over at me as I contemplated my life with the sister I never had.

"What are you thinking about Spence?" she asked with a smile.

"I think it's great what you and Kyla have. Glen is great in his own weird way, but we'd never be able to have a full blown conversation without talking like you two just did," I explained.

Ashley burst into a fit of laughter, which was unexpected based on what I said.

What are you laughing about?" I demanded to which seemed to only make things worse. "Get it together, Davies!"

I smacked her arm lightly, trying to stop her hysterics so I could get some answers. This only seemed to make things worse, which resulted her in letting out a snort. The snort echoing through the loft and the embarrassed look on her face were priceless, so I started laughing too.

We stayed laughing like that long enough for my stomach to hurt. Finally, Ashley stopped and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Sorry, Spence. I was just thinking about what on earth you would possibly want to talk to Glen about. Even if you could, it would go something like, 'boobs, boobs, hot chicks, I'm hungry, boobs, Wonder if the Cavs are playing tonight? Boobs, boobs on hot chicks,' And probably a lot more seriously disturbed thoughts."

I chucked at the fact she chose to use the word boobs so much. She must have them on the brain, I decided. I had to give it to her, "You're right. I guess that's why I've always wanted a sister. So you two must be close?"

Ashley nodded and began to elaborate with a serious tone to her voice, "Thick as thieves. Having a mess of a mother and absentee father, forced me to step up and take care of her when we were younger. It wasn't always rainbows and sunshine in the Davies household, especially after my parents split. I grew up quick and Kyla did too. I tried my best to take care of her, but I was busy making my own mistakes along the way, so I wasn't always the best role model for her. Somehow, we made it out okay. But, because of it, we are so close so something good came out of it all."

"I think it's pretty amazing you found something positive from that. Sometimes life just completely sucks and it's hard to see the good in it," I empathized. My childhood was nearly not as bad as Ashley's sounded, but I could relate to being caught up in the negatives in life. "Is that why you live together?" I asked.

"Yes and no. After I got back from Europe, I was at a really low point in my life. I was completely lost and had no drive to do anything but party and see how long it would take me to self destruct. Kyla was about to start college, so we decided to move in together. I'm glad because the tables turned and for a while there, she had to take care of me. I even dabbled in some drugs. Just having Kyla around and knowing there was someone who loved me and needed me was all I needed to get through those times. I've been clean for three years now."

"Wow," was all I say in response to her story. Ashley was like my own personal onion. Every layer I peeled away was replaced with another more interesting and complex layer. I understood now why she was so guarded.

"All right, Dr. Phil. After my therapy session, I'm ready for some dessert if you are," she announced.

"Dr. Phil? What did I ever do to you to deserve that?" I implored.

Ashley shot me a pouty glance and stood up before responding. "Aw, Spence. Don't take it personal, you're a lot hotter than Dr. Phil."

"Thanks, I think," I said.

Ashley reached her hand to mine and pulled me from the couch. "Way hotter," she clarified as we both walked into the kitchen.

While Ashley was rummaging to find a knife, I removed the lid from the dish, revealing my brownies. Ashley returned and raised her eyebrows expectantly. "Are these what I think they are?"

"In all their chocolatey glory," I confirmed. Ashley handed over the knife and went to get napkins while I cut into my dessert. Suddenly, I was plagued by worry that I had left out an ingredient and they would taste like ass. Leave it to me to talk smack about them and then completely fuck up the only Ace I had up my sleeve. I snuck a bite of a chunk that was stuck to the side of the knife and was relieved when I tasted the familiar deliciousness.

"What did I ever do to be worthy of this? I thought I couldn't handle these brownies," she reminded me from our conversation earlier that day as she set the napkins down on the counter in front of me.

"Easy, killer," I said pointing a chocolate covered knife in her direction. "I made these brownies and I can take them away."

"Who you calling killer? You're the one pointing the knife. And your gonna need more than a butter knife to keep me from getting to those brownies," she teased.

I gave another once over and felt the heat overwhelm me, again. Speechless, I went back to excavating the brownies from the pan. Shit, these brownies were meant to be my power play and here was Ashley one upping me all night long.

We each took our brownies and sat back on the couch. Trying hard not to stare at Ashley, I intently went back to watching One Tree Hill. I was taking my own bite of my brownie, when I felt her hand slip around my wrist firmly.

"Holy. Shit. Spencer. You weren't joking about these brownies," she said. "These are amazing. I mean like, can get you out of a speeding ticket or get you laid kind of amazing."

I stifled a laugh and replied with a sincere, "Thank you."

"No, thank you. I think I may have had a mouth-gasm," she said before stuffing another bite into her mouth and releasing her grip on my wrist.

What was up with all these sexual references? Ashley was driving me nuts tonight and I tried not to think about the real thing. Or the sound of my nickname rolling off her lips when she came… It was getting so hot in here, I wiped at my forehead and felt beads of sweat forming along my hairline.

"You're an idiot," I stammered out, breaking myself from my Ashley induced erotic coma. I took a pull from my glass of water in a feeble attempt to cool down.

"Hey, I'm an idiot with great taste!" she corrected with a half full mouth. "Kyla, get your ass in here and taste these brownies!"

Moments later, Kyla stumbled in to the living room again. She had changed into her pajamas and began to put her hair into a ponytail as she approached.

"What? We have brownies?" Kyla asked.

Ashley was too busy chewing her brownie to be able to give a response. How was she sexy even when she was chewing a brownie?

"Yeah, I made them. They're in the pan in the kitchen. Help yourself," I explained for a very orally preoccupied Ashley.

"Kyla is a total health nut, but she has a weak spot for chocolate in general and chocolate brownies in particular," Ashley revealed after she swallowed.

"Hey, what can I say? I like to destroy a good diet."

Kyla walked into the living room mid-bite. "Spencer, you're welcome to come over any time, especially if you promise to bring those brownies. And especially if you promise to work out with me after to burn them off," she teased.

"Deal," I replied simply.

"I like her," Kyla directed at Ashley. "I'm off to bed though, I've got class early tomorrow."

Ashley and I both said goodnight to Kyla as she retreated back into her bedroom.

"Looks like you've won over my sister," Ashley commented.

"I have that affect on people. In case you haven't noticed, I'm kinda irresistible," I deadpanned while I flashed my innocent smile.

"Oh, look at cocky little Spencer. Am I rubbing off on you or are you drunk on the power of the brownie?" she asked.

Ashley. Rubbing off on me. Mmmm. Damn it head, that's not how she meant it! Get out of the gutter.

"Probably the latter, you ego-maniac," I chimed back.

We spent the rest of the night watching another episode of One Tree Hill and having casual conversations. It was after one a.m. when I checked my phone and realized, I should probably call it a night.

Ashley walked me to her door and again we stood there, talking about getting together sometime this weekend.

"Oh, don't forget your brownies," Ashley said.

"No, keep them," I offered.

"Thanks, I wasn't really that interested in giving them back, but I figured I should at least attempt to be polite about it."

"Thank you for dinner tonight. I had a great time and I enjoyed meeting Kyla too," I said.

"You're welcome. But you deserved it. I think there's a lot of really great things in the works for you, Spence. And I second Kyla's thoughts that you are welcome anytime, especially if you come bearing brownies. I will probably curse your name on my morning run tomorrow, but those brownies are totally worth it."

Ashley flashed me that million watt smile and gave me a hug. When we had pulled apart, I noticed a little chunk of brownie tangled in one of her curls. I reached my hand and freed it from her hair.

"Brownie," I said stupidly as I identified the offending object. All it took was the feeling of her soft locks against my fingers and I was completely brain-dead.

"Thanks, I uh, was saving that for later," she joked.

"Right," I said with a chuckle and headed out the door into the night before my words could fail me again.


	16. AN

A/N: You can control the story a little bit. Check out my profile and vote…


	17. Chapter 17:Wake Up Call

A/N: How do I follow up after that last chapter? Eh it's just a little filler until the guitar lesson Friday. Majority Rules, so I keep posting at my regular pace. My wrists thank you.

Thursday morning started off better than I could have ever imagined. My phone started ringing on my night stand, lulling me out of sleep. I pried my dry eyes open to read the display. It was Ashley.

"Hello," I said with a phony chipperness to my voice to give the impression I had been awake for a while.

"Good morning Spence. Did I wake you?" she asked.

"No, not at all," I lied.

"You suck at lying," she commented.

It was true. Particularly with her, but lying had never been my strong suit. At a young age and with Glen as my big mouthed older brother, I found out I wasn't very adept at it. My mom was always so excited and claimed it was because I have a pure soul. I didn't have the heart to tell her that couldn't be further from the truth.

Ashley continued, "Anyway, I wanted to let you know I thought about you and those damn brownies during my entire run. When I got back, I ate one for breakfast. You are so going to have to work out with me soon if you expect to tempt me with what can only be described as heaven on earth."

"Working out, huh? My roommate Madison works at a gym and I'm sure she'd be willing to get us in for free."

"No way! Gyms are boring. Got anything else?"

"Have you ever played Frisbee golf?" I asked.

"Um, no. I'm pretty sure I have not played a sport that you just made up two seconds ago," Ashley said.

"I didn't make it up. It's a real sport. Just trust me on this one, it will be a blast. Plus the park I'm thinking of has some pretty great views of the city. I work Saturday, but just til four. Are you working?"

"Yes and I'm off at three. We can work out the details tomorrow and you can convince me some more about this sport you're trying to create."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Oh, I almost forgot the reason I called. I just wanted to wish you luck today. You're going to do great."

"Thanks, but it's not like a real interview. It's just lunch with Sean."

"I know. Chelsea told me he is excited to meet with you, again. Listen, have a great day. I'll see you tomorrow and I'll know if you haven't been practicing."

With that, I could picture the cocky smile I had grown to adore spread across the face of the girl I had all too easily come to want. It was that smile that turned just another Thursday morning into the start of my favorite routine. That smile was the only thing that could pull me out of bed in the morning,

"See you tomorrow, Ash," I confirmed and ended the call.

With a renewed sense of happiness, I left the comfort of my bed and searched my closet for what I was going to wear to lunch with Sean. I took my time getting ready, primping and painting my toenails. I left the house and drove to the restaurant, arriving a few minutes early.

I looked around the restaurant and saw that Sean hadn't arrived yet, so I grabbed a seat at the bar and ordered an iced tea. Sean strolled over to me, at least I think it was him. I really was drunk this weekend and had a serious case of beer goggles, but he gave me a friendly smile and I knew it was him.

"Hey Spencer," he greeted me.

"Hey Sean. How are you?" I asked.

"Busy. The grind is a little crazy and I'm glad to get away. How have you been?"

"Good. Really excited to hear more about the real behind the scenes in L.A."

We walked back to the hostess stand and were seated immediately at a booth. Sean started with a little friendly conversation.

"Chelsea tells me you used to run around with a camcorder all the time in high school," he began.

I gave a half laugh, as I thought back to my younger years. "Yeah, I was pretty obsessed with finding the perfect shot for my senior project."

"But I'll bet you got it," he said. "You seem like the type who always gets what she wants."

I know exactly how he meant it, but still my mind wandered to Ashley. Didn't have that one...yet.

"Almost always. Once I set my mind on it, I do whatever it takes to make it happen. I'm kind of a perfectionist that way."

"I like it. That's why I think you would be perfect for this position. It's going to be long hours watching and editing film. We'll want some creative input editing different takes. Someone with a keen eye for detail and someone who understands the point of view we're trying to get across."

I nodded my head to indicate I was listening and interested in getting more information.

He continued, "It's not glamorous. There's a lot of ego that you'll have to put up with and you won't have the final say. Also, the pay isn't fantastic…$14 an hour. But it will give you hands on experience editing a project from start to finish. It's probably going to be a ten week project, but there is a possibility to be hired on a full time basis if they like your stuff."

"Wow, you really know how to sell a girl on a project," I joked between bites with a smile. Fourteen bucks was two more per hour than I was making at the portrait studio and more hours meant even more income. While it certainly didn't sound glamourous, it was something different and I would only be committed to ten weeks.

"How do you feel about the job?" he asked. Gotta love no holding back punches here.

I continued, "To be honest, I've always liked editing because that's how you take something raw and turn it into something beautiful."

"Good. So you'd be interested in meeting with my boss for a formal interview?" he asked.

"Absolutely, it sounds like this would be a great opportunity."

"Good, because I already told him about you and he wants to meet you next week. The position starts the following Monday, so the sooner you can meet with him the better. How about Monday morning, at eleven?"

"Perfect. I'll bring my resume and portfolio."

Sean and I worked out the details of the meeting on Monday and spent the rest of the lunch talking about, or should I say arguing about classic movies. Sean was really a great guy, but part of me felt bad because of Glen and his feelings for Chelsea. At the same time, our relationship was strictly professional and Glen would understand. After all, this was my dream.

When I got back home, I spent the rest of the day getting my resume together and updating my portfolio and references. Of course, I managed to practice my guitar, too. I wanted to make sure that my time with Ashley was well spent. Maybe I could even impress her a little.

Madison arrived home after nine while I was still strumming on my guitar. I set in on the stand in the corner and proceeded to tell her about my interview on Monday morning.

"And it's not until eleven right?" she checked.

"Yep. I'm nervous though. This is a massive opportunity to get my foot in the door and I don't want to blow my interview."

Madison sat on the couch next to me and draped an arm around my shoulder. "Don't be nervous. You are the most talented person I know, Spencer. I have an excellent way to get your mind off of everything, though."

Her eyebrows were raised while she waited for me to take the bait.

"All right," I sighed. "What is this brilliant idea?"

"The guy from the gym I was telling you about is playing a show at a bar on Sunday night. You should stop by and check it out. I'm sure there will be plenty of eligible guys there too, which should help you take your mind off your interview."

"Okay. I don't think I'm ready to jump into the whole dating scene. Actually, do you mind if I invite Ashley? She loves music and I really think you two would hit it off."

"Sure, the more the merrier. I guess I need to meet the girl who's threatening to take my place as your BFF!" she teased.

"Aww. Jealous, Mads?"

"Never. You know I never get jealous when it comes to other women. Whenever there's a choice between me and another girl, I always win."

I laughed at her confidence, even though it was no where as hot as Ashley's. It was still endearing in a narcissistic kind of way.

"Yeah, you're going to love Ashley," I confirmed.


	18. Chapter 18: My Favorite Chord

And the habit begins. Friday marked the second day in a row that the promise of seeing the smile that caused my knee buckling, heart racing, blush forming reaction got me out of bed.

When I showered, I thought about the softness of her curls when I run my fingers through them. When I brushed my teeth, I thought about the hint of abdomen that she showed when I saw her at the music store last week. And when I ate my Golden Grahams, I thought about how her lips would feel against mine.

My spoon had to satisfy my oral fixation as my mind lingered on that last thought.

"What is wrong with you?" Madison chuckled at me.

I stared at her like a deer caught in the headlights. My brain had swayed me so far from reality that I hadn't even heard Madison enter the kitchen.

"Nothing," I stuttered and looked down at my waterlogged cereal. Dear God, just how long had I been spaced out for?

"Whatever you say, Spencer. I thought for a while I was going to have to get you and that spoon your own room. Oh and make sure you wash that. I feel dirty just watching you use it."

Well, that couldn't have been more embarrassing. I took a sip of my coffee and changed the subject to something less mortifying than my new found love for silverware.

"So what's the plan for Sunday?" I asked.

"I have to work until at seven and then I have to shower and get ready. The show is at Donovan's and starts at nine. So, by the time I make it to the bar it will be around then," she informed.

I dumped the remaining soggy cereal down the garbage disposal and let it run while Madison fixed her morning coffee.

"I don't want to stay out too late, but I think I will be there to catch at least the first set."

"Yes, that's my girl. Ugh, it's already nine. I've got to run. See you later!" she yelled as she headed out the door with her travel mug and duffel bag in tow.

"See you later," I called after her, but Madison walked about as fast as she talked and I heard the slamming of the door while I was still mid-sentence.

I packed up my guitar in it's case and loaded into my car. The drive to the guitar center seemed to take forever, probably because I was so excited to see Ashley again. Eventually I pulled into the familiar lot and took a moment to give myself a quick once over.

Lugging my guitar into the store, I looked up and saw Ashley leaning forward on the counter.

"How's my favorite student?" she asked and slid out from behind the counter. Again, I fought to keep breathing. She was wearing skin tight jeans and a very low cut black vest that clung to breasts. I could see the hint of a pink and white bra poking from underneath her tank top. Two points for Ashley.

"Pretty fantastic at the moment," I admitted, only able to take my eyes off her cleavage to see the killer smile that I had been waiting for.

Even though I was a few minutes early, Ashley led me back to the same room where we had our class last week. She shut the door gently behind her and I stared at the chord chart on the wall attentively, like it was the most interesting thing I'd ever seen. As much as I wanted to look at Ashley again, I wasn't going to be able to concentrate on playing the guitar if I did.

"That chord chart is not going to save you if you haven't been practicing, Spence."

"Why are you so confident that I haven't been practicing?" I asked innocently as I removed my guitar from my case and took my seat.

Ashley grabbed a guitar from the stand and set it on her lap across from me.

"First, I'm always confident, even when I'm wrong. Second, because I've spent an awful lot of time with you since our first lesson and none of it involved the guitar. That didn't leave you too much time for practicing."

"Don't be so sure about that," I challenged and strummed the chords I'd been practicing all week to show her.

Her eyes got a little wider as she watched me and heard the results that confirmed that her sight hadn't deceived her.

"Not bad at all, Spencer. How about that song for me, then?" she probed.

"Uh, that is still a work in progress," I acknowledged.

She laughed at my response. "It's okay. I wasn't really expecting a song. It took me a few years of playing before I felt comfortable enough to write my own stuff. But, keep working on it because I do want to hear it someday."

I absently looked down at my left hand and began rubbing my fingertips with my thumbs, which were already aching after just a few chords.

"They'll callous. The more you keep playing, the less it will hurt," she advised and nodded towards my fingers.

She leaned forward from her stool and took hold of my left hand with hers, setting it palm up. With her other hand, she gently stroked the tips of my index, middle and ring fingers with the tip of her index finger. Silently, she held out her left hand for me to inspect in return.

She grabbed my index finger and rubbed it over her same three fingers and could feel a noticeable difference. Regardless of the roughness on her fingers, I didn't want to let them go.

"Wow, that's pretty cool," I commented.

"That's probably the first time I've ever gotten that reaction before," she said. "Let's get started, huh?"

During the lesson, we were just instructor and pupil. I was still very distracted when I watched her finger positioning on the frets and tried my hardest not to let my gaze scan left to where the valley of her chest was inviting me to look.

I had learned a few new chords, A and E, and some more theory and we were almost done for the day. I was sad that my time with her was over, even if we were strictly professional and my fingertips felt raw.

"Normally, I don't teach this chord so early on, but I think you can handle it," she disclosed.

"I'm ready. Show me what you got," I dared.

"This is the F chord," she instructed and played it for me. My eyes watched the fret and the position of her fingers and tried to make sense of how it was physically possible for her hand to be positioned like that. I stared at her hand for a while and tried to mimic the position on my own guitar.

"What the hell is that?" I asked rhetorically in frustration.

She laughed at my question like I was insane for asking. No, how she expected me to learn this chord right away was insane. "It's okay. It will take a while before you can get there, I just wanted to show you the correct positioning."With that, she slid off her stool and squatted down in front of the neck of my guitar so she could help position my fingers. Fortunately or unfortunately, I wasn't sure which, this gave me a direct view of her cleavage. My eyes battled with my libido as I tried to keep my focus on the guitar.

"There," Ashley announced proudly and I looked at my fingers. For an instant, they looked just as hers had, but my strength wasn't enough to keep them locked in place for that long and they slid away.

"Sorry," I said, drawing my gaze from my hand to her eyes. And then back to her chest again.

She stood up slowly and walked behind me as she responded with an. "It's okay."

I felt the heat of her body on my back before she even touched me. Then it grew stronger as her chest was lightly pressed against my shoulder. I smelled her familiar scent and clung to the guitar as it was my life raft, because I desperately needed to be rescued from my thoughts.

"What are you doing?" I managed to stumble out as I felt her breath on my neck.

"Teaching you how to play the guitar," she retorted with angelic tone. Like her body wasn't completely sexy and all up on me at this very moment. Like the breath from her husky whisper wasn't still warm on my neck.

Her left hand shifted my fingers back into the correct place on the guitar and then covered mine in the same position.

"Strum," she ordered softly into my ear.

It took me longer than it should have to strike my pick across those six strings and hear the sound of the successful F chord, but at least I did it.

"Too bad you're not going to be there to hold my fingers every time I want to practice F," I commented, then regretted immediately the way I had phrased my sentence. I closed my eyes and hoped she wouldn't pick up on the sexual connotation.

She released her fingers from mine and whispered into my ear her sarcastic response, "Even you couldn't afford those kind of private lessons from me, Spence."

Point and match, Ashley. I think now is a good time to stop keeping score. I quietly got up from my chair and began packing my guitar in it's case, remaining quietly the whole time.

"You seem a little distracted today. Is everything okay? Did your meeting with Sean go all right?" she asked.

I looked over at the puzzled look on her face. She was either a fantastic actress, or she had no clue what she was doing to me. Of course I was distracted, Ashley. Your perfect boobs were all I could concentrate on today.

"Distracted? Maybe a little, there's just been a lot on my mind recently," I explained with a hint of vagueness. "Lunch with Sean was great. I have an interview Monday morning."

I grabbing my guitar case and turned my attention back to the gorgeous brunette in front of me.

"Seriously?" she squealed.

"Yes. Are we still on for tomorrow?" I asked.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world. And if you're free you should swing by tonight," she offered.

"I'd love to, but unfortunately I'm heading into work soon and I won't be done until ten and then it's another early morning for me tomorrow. But, I did want to ask you if you're free Sunday evening?"

"I already told Kyla I would hang out with her. Between my work schedule and her school schedule, we really don't see that much of one another."

"Well, if you two are looking for something to do, you should come out to Donovan's. My roommate Madison's…um…man candy is playing a show at nine," I offered.

"Sounds like fun. I'm sure I can convince Kyla to change our venue Sunday," she said with a grin.

"Great. How about if I pick you up at five tomorrow?" I asked.

"Perfect," she agreed.

We were still in the privacy of the classroom, so Ashley leaned in and gave me a hug. "See you tomorrow," filled my ears as my guitar lightly tapped against the side of our knees. As much as I was feeling these hugs, I was getting kind of sick of them, too.

"Thanks for the lesson and I will see you later," I murmured in response before we separated.

I left the classroom and exited through the store. I decided it would be a perfect time to make a quick run to the grocery store, so I could get everything I needed for dinner at the park with Ashley tomorrow. Not thinking about Ashley lasted about two seconds from the time I last saw her to thinking about her again. Even though I had to be to work in less than two hours, I was ready to get in and get it over so I could spend the rest of my weekend with Ashley.


	19. Chapter 19: The Hummingbirds

A/N: Wow, thanks for the reviews. I cannot thank you all enough for taking the time to comment! I want to address some of it, but don't want to give too much away. The tension is not yet over...I mean that's the best freaking part. I want to assure you that Ashley is starting to become very much aware of what she is doing to Spencer and it will be explained in full in a few more chapters. The challenge for myself as a writer was to not alternate points of view because I want to capture the whole dynamic of falling in love and part of that deals with the fear of the unknown. That the other person may not reciprocate. So, as awesome as it would be to be in her head, I wanted to stay committed to Spencer's POV. After all, reality limits us to only one!

When Saturday night finally arrived, I picked Ashley up and we spent the whole ride talking and laughing about our childhoods. My SUV was cruising over the crushed rocks on the entrance into the park in no time.

"You're not bringing me here to kill me or something are you?" Ashley asked with mock surprise on her face.

"Damn, now I have to kill you since that you've figured out my evil plan. They call me the Six String Killer because I like to sign up for lessons and kill my instructor in random parks. I'm wanted in at least three other states. I'm just going to leave your dead body here if that's okay."

"It's not okay if it's my dead body. By the way, where exactly is here?" she asked, looking out the window.

"Elysian Park. It's my diamond in the rough. You've lived in LA your whole life and never been here?"

"Have you not been listening to a single word I've told you about my childhood on the way here? My mother was literally too busy trying to bump uglies with every pool-boy, cabana-boy, or stable-boy to take me or Kyla anywhere child appropriate. My dad was on tour most of the time and even when he was home, it's not like bad ass rocker Raife Davies is going to be grilling hot dogs and playing baseball at a local park."

My heart panged at her response. I already forgot that she didn't have the childhood I had. Maybe there was something to be said for having a lot money in a trust fund, but every kid deserves to have a little fun.

"Well then, it seems like we need to make up for some lost time, don't we?" I dared. There was something so mischievous about Ashley that brought out the playful side of me too.

I shot her a glare to show I was serious about my challenge and parked my Escape. I grabbed the plastic discs from the back seat of my car and handed one to Ashley.

"I can't believe this is real," she repeated, looking down at her Frisbee.

I laughed and replied, "We need to get you outta the music store more often, Ash."

We walked to the course and I explained the rules as we approached the first green, which I summed up in one sentence.

"It's like golf, but with Frisbees and you have to make sure you get it in the metal chain bucket looking thingy called the basket."

Ashley lowered her sunglasses from her eyes, before commenting. "Spence, maybe you should leave the teaching to me. But I think I got it."

We played a grand total of four holes and I could tell Ashley was getting a little anxious.

"Your bored, aren't you?" I asked nudging into her.

"No, it's fun. I'm just starving," she admitted sheepishly.

"Oh. It's a good thing I brought some food. Come on, let's go back to the car," I suggested and linked my arm in hers, pulling her back towards the direction of my vehicle.

"How did you come to find this place?" she asked looking around at the scenery.

"Sometimes, I just needed to get away. I'd come here to study in college and fell in love while exploring it."

When we reached the car, I pulled a picnic basket from the trunk. Ashley gave a smile and replied, "I've never been on a picnic before."

"Wait, so it was your first time playing disc golf and it's going to be your first picnic. Today is going to be a day of firsts for you," I beamed.

"All right. I think I can handle that," she confirmed and took the basket from my hand, her fingers grazing mine. We both looked at each other after the contact with matching grins on our faces. All I could think about was how much this was feeling like a date. A really amazing date complete with the fluttering of butterflies in my stomach.

While we were eating, I continued to probe to see what other firsts there were for Ashley we could check off the list.

"Swings?" I asked.

"Do I really sound that sheltered? Yes, I've been on a swing before."

"What about the merry-go-round?" I continued.

"The thing with all the creepy looking horses? Yeah, I've ridden those before too."

"Nope, I'm thinking of the ones that are metal and you push it to get it moving as fast as you can and then jump on and get all dizzy."

She looked down a little embarrassed and responded with, "You got me there. I've seen them in movies I guess, but I've never been on one in real life."

"Well it's a good thing you've got me," I announced.

"Yes, it is."

We finished eating while the sun drifted lower in the sky. Darkness was approaching and a crescent moon was already hanging low against a cerulean backdrop.

"Come on, we don't have much time. Let's do this," I demanded and packed up the picnic basket and carried it over to a playground area nearby.

Shadows played on Ashley's face and I could see a slight smile tugging at her mouth. She thought she was too cool for this, I could tell. She gazed at me, trying to confirm if I was serious about the two of us spending time at a playground.

"I dead serious Ashley. Now get your ass on that merry go round." I answered her unspoken question.

She kicked some wood chips on the way, almost sulking like a petulant child. Her lack of an adventurous spirit in this environment only made me want to prove even more that this was going to be fun. If Ashley wanted to give me a challenge, I wasn't going to back down.

"Ready?" I asked as my knuckles tightened on the rail of the playground equipment.

"Ready," Ashley confirmed with a forced smile on her face as she squatted in the middle of the circle.

The metal began to creak as I pushed it into motion. Ashley sat perched in the center of the merry-go-round, completely un-amused. My strides grew longer and eventually I was in a full blown sprint, pushing the hunk of metal as fast as I could before jumping on.

"Not so bad being a kid, right?" I huffed as I made my way to the center with her, where she now had a genuine smile on her face.

"It is better than I thought it would be," she agreed. "And it was fun to watch the look of determination on your face as you sprinted."

The world spun madly around us, set to the rhythmic whine of metal on metal, but was only paying attention to her. Ashley had a noise crinkling smie on her face, which made my case of the butterflies even worse. Both of us sat in the center, fighting centrifugal forces that tried to push us away from each other. But that wasn't going to happen. I wasn't going to let that happen. To stop us from drifting apart, I reached out and grabbed onto Ashley's wrist, pulling her closer to me. She stumbled forward knocking me onto my back, her body landing on top of mine.

"Ow," I said as the back of my head contacted the steel bottom of the carousel.

"Aww, Spence. Are you okay?" Ashley giggled and I felt her body shake with every laugh as she was on top of me.

"Don't laugh, jerk. That really hurt," I said rubbing the back of my head. Defeated, I rested my head back onto the steel plate beneath me.

Her brown eyes softened and I felt the shaking of her laughter subside against my body. All playfulness dissolved as both of us realized the position we were in. The cool of the metal beneath me and the heat of her body on top of me, sent shivers throughout my body. The butterflies in my stomach were growing with passionate fury. With seriousness, she pushed the hair from my face, hovering inches away.

"Why don't I kiss it and make it better?" she breathed and pressed her lips to my forehead before I could respond.

Her touch was so soft, at first I wasn't sure it had happened. My body was already struggling to get over the physical reaction just feeling her near me had caused. I worried I had blacked out and it was all a dream. A very amazing concussion induced dream.

"That's not where I hit my head," I observed needing some way to come back to reality.

I saw her eyes register my comment and disappointment sweep over her face. Her beautiful face, which was still only inches away from mine. The only thing I wanted to do was to have my lips experience what my forehead just did. Her curls still were splattered across my cheeks and had us framed in our own magical cocoon.

There weren't many perfect moments in life like this, and I knew it was time to give in to my desires. I felt safe here in this moment and I leaned up, grazing my lips against hers lightly. Her lips opened slow in response to mine. Gradually, she deepened the contact as took my lips between hers, lightly sucking on my bottom lip. I lifted my head, wanting more contact between us.

The desire to memorize every inch of her mouth with my tongue filled my head, but I fought it. This kiss was my magic. Our friendship was vanishing into thin air in this moment and turning into something else. Something wonderful and life changing. I lightly tugged on her bottom lip with mine. She still didn't pull away, but I needed to see her reaction so I broke away so I could read her face. I needed to make sure that she felt the same. My lips were still tingling from our kiss when I heard her break my silent stare.

"That's not where you hit your head either," she commented as she supported her torso with her arms, arching her back away from me and subsequently grinding her hips into me. The warmth of where her body had been on mine left my chest and surged to my core. Our legs were still tangled together and we just stared at each other as the world spun lazily around us passing in a blur of color. My world as I knew it was a blur. The only thing I could focus my attention on was Ashley and that's exactly what I was doing right now.

"Ash," I said allowing the words to escape my lips with nothing else in mind to say to follow, secretly hoping she would fill the stillness with another kiss. In a matter of seconds, I soaked in everything around me so I would remember this moment completely. The distinct smell of wood chips and freshly cut grass that surrounded us. The one remaining sliver of orange sky that allowed me to make out the features of her face. The distinct taste of peppermint gum on Ashley's lips.

"What are you thinking about, Spence?" she asked and grazed my temple with her fingers.

Her touch awakened the stirrings in my stomach. Forget butterflies, I had a case of the hummingbirds.

"Hummingbirds," I mumbled.

"What?" she checked.

"You give me the hummingbirds," I stated as if that was the only explanation I needed to give.

Ashley leaned forward, but before our lips could make contact again, a woman cleared her throat in the distance. Ashley and I looked to the noise, trying to find it as the carousel spun slowly at a snails pace. When she saw the woman, Ashley shot right up from my body.

A police officer was standing a few feet away from us, her cruiser parked just behind her. "It's getting dark and the park is closing soon. You may want to get back to your vehicle before we lock up."

"Yes, ma'am." Ashley replied and pulled me to a sitting position on the merry-go-round. We both hopped off, slightly embarrassed at almost getting caught. When I landed, I almost fell over since all of the blood was just starting to get recirculated to my extremities, but managed to stay upright.

I scooped up the picnic basket and we headed in the direction of my car with the police officer trailing behind us as our escort. We reached the car and once she shut the door behind her, Ashley couldn't hold in the laughter any longer.

"Sorry, it's not funny. Just the look on your face when we got caught," she explained between short breaths.

"Shut up! I don't normally have law enforcement officials break up my...playground activities," I defended myself while laughing too and playfully smacked her arm and gave her a pout.

I put the car in drive and we took the scenic route out of the park so we had a view of downtown as the sunset gave way to the dark of night. We rolled the windows down, letting the coolness of the night breeze in.

Much of the ride was silent. I wasn't sure if reality had set in and she regretted the kiss and I was too afraid to ask. I wouldn't be able to stand it if her answer was yes.

As we pulled up to her house, I put the car in park and finally spoke.

"Not bad for one afternoon. Including frisbee golf, a picnic and your ride on the merry-go-round, you tried at least three new things today." I clarified with a cocky edge to my voice.

"No," she disagreed softly.

"No?" I asked for clarification.

"You got me to try four new things and they were all pretty wonderful. Thanks for today," she said with a grin and exited the vehicle.

"Anytime," I shot back. "See you tomorrow."

She didn't have to say it, but I was pretty sure I knew what that fourth thing was. I was just hoping it wasn't getting busted in a park by a cop. All of the things Ashley left unsaid, were starting to mess with my head.

Ashley had walked a total of two steps, before walking back to my side of car and stood at my window. She rested her forearms on the window ledge, letting her hands hang. She lightly traced my exposed arm with her fingers. "Spence, don't go injuring yourself tomorrow unless I'm around to make it better," she ordered before she pressed a kiss to my cheek and walked into her loft.


	20. Chapter 20: The Game of Questions

A/N: Buckle up, it's gonna get bumpy. A little more to the Zoe backstory is explained and then …well you'll just have to read to find out! Also, in case any of you are Pushing Daisies fans, the second to last line is for you a la Emerson Cod. God, I miss that show, too.

For some reason, I agreed to go over to my parents house for dinner again Sunday afternoon. At least I got to share some good news about my job prospect. I shot Ashley a text to let her know that I planned on making it to Donovan's at eight. Maybe we could have a little time to talk before the band started and got too loud to hear each other.

My mom was particularly insistent that I stay, since she was going to be picking up doubles next weekend and it would possibly be a while before I saw her again. I had to promise to go shopping with her in two weeks just to get out of there. Even so, I was still running a little behind.

It was a good thing Ashley had Kyla with her to keep her company since I didn't make it to the bar until almost eight forty five.

The bar was full, but I spotted Ashley right away. She was standing by herself, sipping a drink through the little red stir straw. Tonight, she was wearing a loose cream sundress, which contrasted to the natural bronze of her skin. I traced her body from the peep toe pumps up to her killer calves. My eyes lingered on the chunky brown belt that drew attention to her curves.

Her hair was pulled away from her face, but loose curls cascaded over her shoulders. She looked like a Greek goddess and I was completely speechless as I neared her.

"Spenceeeeeeeer," I was greeted by Ashley as I approached the section of the bar where she was leaned against.

"Hey Ash, holding up the bar I see," I commented as she was obviously very intoxicated.

She stumbled with an empty glass in hand, colliding into me before she wrapped her arms around me. "Where have you been?" she asked loudly into my ear.

"I had dinner with my family again and my mom kept showing me these different bedroom sets she wants. It was a nightmare," I explained.

"Paula," Ashley snorted. "I love Paula. And Arthur."

" How long have you been here exactly and where's Kyla?" I asked scanning the bar for her.

"Like half an hour. She went to the bathroom," Ashley announced. "She pees a lot. This one time, she peed her pants at Disney Land when we were on the teacups."

Hearing everything her sister had just said, Kyla strolled up behind Ashley, "For the record, I was five and we had waited in line for an hour just to get on. I was determined to make it on the teacups, even if I pissed myself in the process."

Kyla shot Ashley a look of annoyance, then pulled me into a hug.

"All this pee talk is making me have to go. I'll be right back," Ashley huffed.

With that, Ashley set her empty glass on the bar and worked her way through the crowd from the same direction Kyla just came from.

"Is she okay?" I asked.

"Sorry, she's a little drunk. She had two huge Margaritas at dinner and when we got here demanded the bartender make her Sex with Al. He had no clue what she meant, so she ended up doing a shot of tequila instead," Kyla explained with a grimace.

I laughed as I remembered my brief affair with Al. The bartender came over and I ordered two waters and got Kyla a Stoli and Soda. We stood there talking as I waited for my order, when an attractive man bumped into her and that was enough to get a conversation going between them.

I paid for our drinks and tipped the bartender and looked around to see if Madison had arrived yet. The bar was starting to get more full as patrons continued to enter. I stood on the rail to give me a better vantage point of the bar. The stage was on the other side of the bar in the corner and the band had already set up. One of the members, was strumming and playing with the feed on the amplifier. Still no sign of Madision, yet.

I descended on my perch from the bar rail and watched as Ashley staggered back to our location. She looked a little confused as she searched the faces of the people she didn't recognize. She was pretty hammered.

"Ashley," I shouted and waved my hand in her direction. Her eyes focused on me and she smiled as she continued to walk towards me.

"Here, it's a water," I announced as I stuck it in her hand.

Ashley took it with no protest and struggled to get the straw into her mouth.

"I'm definitely buzzed," she announced.

"No, Ash. I think it's fair to say you're drunk," I corrected. I had stared at her eyes enough to know when her irises were glassy and her pupils were contracted.

"Go ahead, give me a sobriety test. I'll pass it. Z…Y…X…Umm…Fuck!" she cursed.

"I'm pretty sure Umm and Fuck are not letters of the alphabet," I teased.

Ashley laughed a little, causing her to sway side to side and her water to slosh out of the side of her glass. I reached out and steadied her and set her drink on the bar. My arm around her waist was begging to stay put, but there was no good reason for me to keep it there. As I slid my hand away from her body, she watched carefully and then focused her attention back at me. I stared intently at her, reading the hurt in her eyes. Still frozen, I waited for her next move.

Before I could put my hand back to my side, she reached out and grabbed it and placed it back on her hip while she explained, "I need you to hold onto me. I don't think I can stand up all by myself."

No sooner had the words left her mouth, then she crashed forward into me. Not wanting to make a public spectacle at the bar and draw attention to her level of drunkenness, I guided her to lean on the bar. She propped her arm on the bar for support, which seemed to help minimize the effects of her intoxication. Being the sober person in a group of drunk people was never fun, but I was enjoying my time with my little drunken Ashley, even if it meant we wouldn't have the opportunity to talk about last night.

"Let's play a game," she suggested with a mischievous smirk on her face as she got her second wind.

"All right, what game?" I inquired.

"Questions!" she shouted unnecessarily in her excitement. I was, after all, only two feet away from her.

I gave her a sideways glance before I asked, "How do you play?"

"I dunno. I just made it up. No, wait," she held up her index finger and continued, "I ask you a question and you have to answer it or else you have to do what I say. Then you get to ask me a question and if I refuse, you make me do a challenge."

She had the most adorable proud grin on her face as she waited for my response.

"Isn't that like truth or dare?" I countered, slightly confused.

"No. You don't get to pick, the question is always first," she clarified as if I had asked her the most ridiculous question in the world.

"Okay. Should we see if Kyla wants in on this?" I asked.

"Hell no. I don't want to hear the disgusting details of her life. Most of the guys she dates are total sleazes. Like that guy," she said and pointed at the guy Kyla was talking to currently before she continued. "She kind of takes after Christine that way. I don't wanna know what kind of dirty little things she's done in the boudoir?" Ashley commented.

I could tell that this was going to be a fun game, especially with Ashley's candor.

"Me first. Who's Christine?" I pried.

"Wow Spencer, you really suck at this game. The point is to ask juicy questions. Christine is my mom. My turn now," she paused and took a sip of her drink while thinking of a question. "How old were you when you lost your virginity?"

"Sixteen. Summer camp. In a field with a boy named Carter," I said dryly as I reflected on what could be best described as an extremely awkward encounter. "Definitely didn't live up to the hype."

I stood there, trying not to be distracted by the way Ashley's lips surrounded the little red stir straw as she sipped. "Where's the craziest place you ever had sex?" I asked.

She laughed but continued with a very interesting story. "It was on a pool table, at a bar. The bartender was in charge of closing down the place that night and we hooked up," she supplied.

"Please tell me it wasn't Ed!" I gasped.

"Spencer, are you sure you're not drunk? Because I can't believe you just asked me that sober. Of course it wasn't Ed and it wasn't at that bar either," Ashley huffed, offended.

"Good. Now I can look at that pool table there without all kinds of crazy mental images," I lied. I wasn't even looking at a pool table and I already had all kinds of mind blowing images of Ashley and I doing anything but playing billiards on top of the felt.

"Uh, earth to Spencer," Ashley said.

"Huh?" I responded, trying to push out all the hot sex that was currently occupying my imagination.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. I asked you a question," she commented with a giggle.

"Sorry, ask again."

"Before last night have you ever kissed a girl?" Ashley asked casually, leaning on the bar still, but now standing much closer to me.

Heat began to creep over my body as I contemplated not just the question, but who was asking the question and her proximity to my body. Why did she want to know? Was this just an innocent part of the game or something more?

"Yeah," I responded, hoping that would be enough to satisfy her curiosity. It wasn't.

"So, tell me about it," she coaxed, a flash of something in her eyes.

I groaned. There was no easy way for this to be explained, but I wasn't about to lie to her.

"It was my senior year of college. My friend Zoe and I had just finished our finals and it was a few days before graduation. We decided to celebrate and Glen came to visit so he went out with us. We were all really drunk at some frat party and some frat boy king of the jello shots was going to hook us up for free if Zoe and I made out for him. So we did. It was okay, I mean she was just a friend and later that night I ended up making out with jello shot boy and Zoe ended up hooking up with Glen," I recounted.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. What Glen had told me at dinner last week and the events from that night swirled together in my mind, forming the truth I had been too blind to see. While I remembered kissing Zoe that night, I had completely missed the connection with her dissappearing act. Zoe had actually been into me and I had totally missed it.

"Shit," I sighed at the realization.

"What?" Ashley questioned.

"Just something Glen said. I guess Zoe liked me more than as a friend and I never realized it until now. We haven't spoken since graduation and I think it ended up ruining our friendship," I babbled, still sorting through my stream of consciousness and coming to terms with everything.

"Oh wow, I'm sorry," she said. Her eyes dropped, but then flashed to something to the left of me. She seemed to be entranced by it, or she didn't want to look at me directly anymore.

I was starting to come out of my shock and realized what I just said and who I said it to. I knew this story had not done me any favors with Ashley. She wasn't even looking at me now. If she had really asked me that question for the reason I was hoping she asked me, I just blew it. "What about you? Other than last night, have you ever kissed a girl?" I asked, desperately trying to find a way to satisfy my own curiosity and get my potential trainwreck back on track.

Ashley's eyes were still not on me, but watching the bar behind me. She didn't speak, but swallowed heavily as she continued to watch.

"Oh my God," Ashley mumbled.

"What?" I questioned.

"It's Aiden," she barely whispered.

Like a total incompetent, I craned my neck to glance behind me. I am the worst at stealthily trying to look at a person. I don't even know why I glanced in that direction: I had no clue what he even looked like. There were about two dozen people over in that section of the bar where her gaze was focused and I tried to figure out which one he could be.

To my surprise, my eyes did rest on a face I recognized. Well, part of a face anyway. It was Madison and she was getting her faced sucked off by her new flavor of the week. Obviously, Madison was a little busy, so I turned my attention back to Ashley.

"Which one is he?" I asked.

"Uh, the one jamming his tongue down the throat of the J-Lo wannabe," she quipped.

Oh, hell no. This was about to get ugly.


	21. Chapter 21: Drama & The Deepest Cut

A/N: This is gonna suck, but trust me it's going to be soooooo worth it! I've been listening to Adele's 21 for some help generating my angst. Set Fire to the Rain is phenomenal btw.

"Ash, now might be a good time to tell you that the J-Lo wannabe is my roommate Madison," I revealed.

"Fuck my life," Ashley said, returning her stare to the two of them.

"Mine too," I agreed. Having a friend like Chelsea in common had been a serendipitous coincidence. This pending debacle with Madison and Aiden was a very cruel twist of fate.

Speaking of which, Madison and Aiden were now headed directly towards us. Actually, Madison was practically trying to drag Aiden at this point. Finally, she released her grip on his hand and took the remaining strides to reach us. He was shifting his gaze nervously at Ashley and back down to the floor and was still about ten feet away by the time Madison hugged me.

"You must be Ashley," Madison guessed with a smile. She extended her hand and Ashley limply gave hers in return.

"And you must be fucking my ex-boyfriend," Ashley replied dryly, before shooting Aiden a death stare.

Well, this was going even worse than I thought it would. I stood there in shock, while Madison gasped.

Finally, I nudged Ashley's arm, because even though she was drunk and this was delicate situation, I still didn't expect for her to speak to my friend that way.

"What? Is she serious?" Madison asked, glaring at me for the answer.

I had no idea how to even lasso in this rodeo, but luckily Aiden finally arrived to the circle of awkwardness.

"Hey, Ashley," Aiden chimed in. "It's good to see you again."

He pressed a kiss to her cheek, which she accepted stiffly, but without protest. My heart ached at the sight of them together.

"Aiden," she acknowledged with a tight smile.

"Aiden, this is my roommate Spencer," Madison introduced.

I shook his hand and gave him the fakest, "It's nice to meet you," I could muster when I really wanted to say, "Stay the fuck away from my girls."

It was silent for a moment and sensing the tension, Aiden spoke, "I'm going to go get to the stage. See you later, Mads."

Aiden couldn't leave fast enough, leaving the three of us standing there. Madison was glaring at me and I was glaring at Ashley, who was staring blankly at the bar.

"I'm going to get a drink," Madison announced and excused herself.

Ashley looked everywhere but in my eyes. I knew she was trying to avoid my gaze and it was starting to get to me.

My frustration and anger bubbled over and the words started to fly out of my mouth, "Look, I get this totally sucks for you. And you can leave if you want, but cut Madison some slack. There's no way I or she could have known and she didn't deserve that."

"Thanks for the compassion, Spencer," she spat and walked over to Kyla.

I entered damage control mode and tried to figure out how to clean up this mess. Madison saw Ashley had left me and sauntered over with her drink.

"Hey, Madison. I'm sorry about tonight. Ashley and Aiden have a weird history. She's really cool and a lot of fun. Promise me you'll give her another chance," I begged.

She shook her head. "She seems about as much fun as a rectal exam. If she wasn't your friend, I would have given her one with my foot up her ass. I can't believe you just let her talk to me like that."

"Madison," I snapped, but my voice was wobbly. "I'll talk to her in a minute. I can't deal with this now. You're my best friend and Ashley is my friend too. I know you have the heart to be the bigger person. I just want you two to get along."

"Fine," she said with a steely tone in her voice. Her unwavering bitchiness could only be conquered by my patented combination of tough love and flattery. Even so, it wasn't usually this easy. Madison never backed down from a fight. Now if only I knew the magic mix for Ashley.

"Look, I'm going so see if she wants to leave. Just be careful with this Aiden guy. From what I've heard, he can be kind of a douche bag. I don't want to see you get hurt."

Madison gave me a half-smirk and nodded. Her arms were still loosely crossed in front of her chest, but at least she was receptive to what I was saying. She was studying my face and looking over towards Ashley's direction. She dropped her arms and pulled me into a hug. Disregarding what I said, she asked, "She's really that special to you, Spence?"

I pulled back from our hug, but still kept our hands held. "Yeah. She is."

Madison gave me a look that was a little unnerving. For a second, I think she saw what I couldn't keep hiding about Ashley. Even with all this drama unfolding and my outburst towards Ashley, I needed a helmet because I was falling head over heels for that girl.

We were interrupted by Ashley as she staggered back over and directed her question at me, "Do you mind giving me a minute with Madison?"

I looked from Ashley to Madison to make sure that agreeing to this would likely not result in a cat-fight. Although I wouldn't put it past either of them, they seemed to be civil. Ashley was still clearly intoxicated, but I sensed she wasn't interested in getting into a fight. In fact, she looked completely defeated.

I nodded my head and took a few steps over to Kyla, who was flagging down a drink at the bar. "She's not carrying a weapon, is she?" I joked.

"I don't know. I would have taken her nail file if I were you," she teased.

Laughing it off was the only way I knew how to deal with this whole fiasco. Kyla cut through my bullshit instantly and wrapped her hand lightly around my forearm.

"She should go home," I suggested and glanced back over at Kyla.

"Since I just refused to take her home, I guess that leaves you," she said with a wink in my direction.

She then followed the wink with a knowing stare, the kind that made me feel like I was completely exposed.

"Why me?" I asked as I tried to shake her watchful eye.

"Isn't it obvious? She needs you, not me," Kyla pointed out and took a sip of her freshly poured water.

"I don't know. She doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. I don't think I'm going to do any good."

"Don't let her shut you out. But as far as tonight…all things considered, I think it went quite well.""Seriously?" I asked and returned my attention to Madison and Ashley.

"Back in the day, Ashley would have wasted no time in making a full blown scene. I can't tell you how many bars she got kicked out of. I haven't seen her do that in a while. I'll be getting out of here soon and I'll meet you two the loft behind you shortly," she said.

"Okay. See you back at the loft."

Kyla turned, but stopped after a few steps. "Spencer," she called.

"Yeah."

"Take care of my sister," she instructed with a smile and bounced back into the crowd.

I paid Ashley's tab and looked over at Ashley and Madison, where the two were still speaking. Although I was well outside of earshot, things looked to be fairing well. Madison's irritated smirk disappeared from her face the more Ashley spoke. It was clear Ashley was apologizing and the whole interaction only lasted a few moments, but by the end, they had seemed to come to some sort of mutual understanding.

Ashley left Madison and made her way over to where I was standing. "I need to get out of here," she said.

"No problem. I could take you home, since she's a little busy," I explained pointing over in the direction where Kyla was now making out with the same guy from earlier. That girl works fast.

"Right," she said icily with a snort.

On the car ride home she was completely silent. I didn't want to ask the obvious questions and from her reaction, I gauged that Ashley was in no mood to talk about it, either.

Not knowing what else to do, I put my hand over her free hand that was lying on the center counsel. Immediately, she slid it out from under mine and I felt like the wind had been kicked out of my chest.

Ashley just stared out of the window, tears falling from her chin onto her dress. There was nothing I could do and I felt completely useless. No matter what move I made or what words I spoke, Ashley kept pushing me away.

We made it back to her loft and she made a straight shot into her bathroom, shutting the door behind her. After a few minutes, I decided to check on her.

"Ash, are you okay?" I asked as I knocked softly on the bathroom door.

"Go away, Spencer!" she barked from inside.

I laid my hand gently on the door while I contemplated what to do. Kyla was supposed to be home shortly. She could take care of Ashley and she could probably do it a lot better than I could.

After my internal debate subsided, I decided I couldn't leave her. Not like this.

I rested my hand on the knob and turned, thankful she hadn't locked the door. Ashley was sitting on the tiled floor, resting her head against the toilet bowl.

"Ash, I just want to help," I explained.

"In case you forgot, I basically raised myself and Kyla. I don't need anyone to take care of me," she grumbled from her slumped position at the base of the toilet.

I let the words roll off my back, but it didn't stop them from leaving some bruises along the way. I hated that Ashley insinuated she didn't need me, because deep down I needed her. It was so simple and so complicated. She's drunk, I told myself as a way to pardon her for the words that left my heart a little cold.

"I know you don't need anyone to take care of you, but I want to," I corrected softly. My words weren't coming out right. No matter what I said, it felt like it wasn't enough.

I heaved out a defeated sigh and grabbed a elastic band off of her sink. Squatting behind her, I pulled the hair from her face and back into a loose ponytail. At least, she didn't seem to recoil from my touch this time. Not able to help myself, I traced my fingers against her back in soothing circular patterns.

"Please, just leave," she whimpered as the tears rolled over the smudged eyeliner that framed her eyes.

"Look Ashley, I don't want your dead body on my conscience," I seethed.

"I just don't want you around now, Spencer. Why is that so hard for you to understand?"

It wasn't hard, it was soul crushing if it was the truth. My fingers fought me every step of the way as I lifted them from her back. I placed a kiss on top of her head and soaked in her distinct smell as I stood up. Needing to regain my composure, I left the bathroom shut the door behind me.

I went out into the kitchen and decided to get her a glass of water. I stood resting my back against the sink for a minute, trying to understand why Ashley was completely shutting me out. Beyond the obvious, I hoped that she was still bothered by seeing Aiden and nothing to do with our game of questions. Either way, I didn't have the answers or know the right words to say and didn't want to face her again right now. Not like this, anyway. I was torn. She did need to be taken care of and I was her friend, but this was beginning to hurt a little too much for my liking.

Thankfully, I heard the tumblers shift and the deadbolt click, which signaled Kyla's entrance into the loft.

"Hey, Spencer. Are you okay?" she asked. The wrinkles creased her forehead as she saw me in the dimly lit kitchen.

It was then I realized I had been crying. I looked up, simulatrously avoiding Kyla's gaze and willing the unshed tears that were welling in my eyes not to fall.

"I'm fine," I replied, still staring at the ceiling. "Can you just give this to Ashley?" I said handing her the glass of water.

She looked at me with a bewildered expression on her face. She placed the water on the counter and rested a hand on my shoulder.

"Wait, what's going on? You can tell me," she encouraged.

"I'm sorry. I've got to go. Just take care of Ashley for me," I instructed as I walked out of the kitchen wiping the tears from my cheeks.

"Spencer, it will be okay. Ashley…well she doesn't do a good job letting people get close. She says a lot of things that she doesn't mean to protect herself. That was the only way either of us made it out of our childhood relatively unscathed."

"If you don't get attached, then you can't get hurt," I agreed bitterly.

Kyla gave me a pained expression and continued, "I don't want to make excuses for her, and you have every right to leave, but go easy on her. She'll come around, " she said as her fingers traced the lid of the glass.

I simply nodded by head in response to her words and wrapped my arms around my torso. Kyla looked at me knowingly and her gaze pierced through my defenses, again.

As I went to leave, Kyla set the glass of water down on the table and pulled me into a hug. With that, I lost it. All of the emotions I had been feeling were overwhelming, and I couldn't hold it in anymore. It wasn't just what happened between Ashley and I minutes earlier, but dealing with the uncertainties in my life. Kyla stroked my hair and whispered, "It's okay," softly into my ear. My tears fell hot and quick, soaking the fabric of her shirt and as awkward as everything was, I needed the feeling of comfort she was offering.

"I'm sorry," I bawled into Kyla's shoulder. "I need to leave," I stated finally getting myself under control.

"If you need anything, I'm here for you," she reminded. Kyla gave me another quick squeeze before releasing me from her hug.

After pulling away, I noticed Ashley standing in the doorway of her room from the corner of my eye. Her head was hanging and I guessed that she couldn't see that I noticed her. Not sure how much she had heard, I quickly exited the loft.

The humid night air did little to dry my fallen tears that still left a moist trail down my face. As I made my way back to my car, I cursed myself for reacting the way I did. It was bad enough I broke down in front of Kyla, but I didn't really need Ashley to see it too. A disappointed sigh slipped from my lips and I knew I was in way over my head.


	22. Chapter 22: Sour Patch Kids

A/N: This chapter is a little bit all over the place, but this was the hardest one for me to write so far. I really probably could have broken it up into more chapters, but I am not that cruel. I still don't like it, but it's enough to serve it's purpose for the story. I guess it's actually quite fitting, because Spencer's a little broken anyways…

After my interview on Monday, I was completely exhausted. Last night, I had the hardest time falling asleep. Once I got there, my dreams were about Ashley. When I woke up, the warmth that filled my chest depleted rapidly as I remembered the events of Sunday night.

During my interview, all I could think about was going home and going to bed. Somehow, I managed to get through it with enough feigned excitement to have a decent shot.

I walked up the sidewalk to the entrance to my apartment and noticed a white envelope on the welcome mat. Expecting a flyer of some sort, I picked it up and turned it over. Printed in black letters was just Spencer. I looked around, even knowing full well that there wasn't another soul nearby. After fishing the keys out of my purse, I stuck the envelope inside. I wasn't in curious mood, so I would look at it later.

The coolness of the air conditioning felt so good on my skin after being in the smoggy heat. I took my blazer off on the way to my room and started undressing with the door open. Madison's car wasn't in the driveway, so I had the place to myself.

I put on plaid pajama pants and my softest Abercrombie shirt from high school. After cursing myself for not having anything chocolate, I settled on making peanut butter cookies from a tube that had been sitting in the fridge for God knows how long. I needed some comfort food.

I still hadn't heard from Ashley, not that I was really expecting to after last night. I picked up my guitar and started playing the few chords I knew, because I wanted to feel connected to her somehow. After a few minutes, I decided I wasn't in the mood for that either and slept the rest of the day and night away.

Tuesday came and I was offered the position and accepted it gladly. I'm not sure how I made it through my interview and managed to impress anybody, but at least I had something to occupy my time. News of my new job was bittersweet, because the one person I wanted to call and tell, I couldn't. I wanted to share this amazing news with Ashley, but I felt like I didn't have the right to do that anymore.

I was scheduled for an evening shift at the studio and that night I quit my job. When my shift ended, I started to clean out my locker and saw I had a new voicemail. I pressed in my password and held my breath as I listened to the familiar honey voice fill my ears.

"Spence," she started and heaved a giant sigh. "I know you are mad. I really need to talk to you. Please call me."

I leaned against my locker and pressed replay on the message about six more times as I listened to her melodic voice, before allowing my finger to hit the number that deleted it. I wasn't ready for this.

I felt like shit, not having her in my life. But my feelings for her were overwhelming. I don't know if I could keep subjecting myself to the torture of just being her friend. As much as I craved her, I didn't like how easily I was hurt by her. Like any other addiction, I was afraid she was going to be bad for me. One more hit never means one more. It's more like a million more and I would become unrecognizable. I could get lost in this addiction and I was just plain scared because I was already so lost. For a while, she was the only thing that made sense and now everything in my world shifts again, violently this time.

It was the hardest thing I had to do, but I called the music store, praying it wouldn't be her voice that picked up on the other line.

"Thank you for calling Strings and Sticks, this is Clay. Can I help you?"

Relieved, I exhaled the breath I had been holding. "Hi, um I need to cancel my lesson for Friday," I said.

"Oh, sure. What's your name?"

"Spencer Carlin," I said.

I head the familiar sound of clicking computer keys as Clay worked on finding my appointment information.

"The ten o'clock with instructor Davies," he confirmed.

"Yeah, that's me."

"Would you like to reschedule?" he asked.

Shit. Reschedule. Friday's were definitely no longer an option with my work schedule, but I wasn't even sure if I wanted the possibility of continuing my lessons with Ashley. Hesitantly, I responded, "I'm starting a new job, so I'll call to set something up when I know what my schedule looks like."

"Okay, just let us know. Is there anything else I can do for you today?"

Yeah. I thought. Make this whole mess I'd created disappear. "No. That's it. Thanks, Clay." I said and hung up with shaky hands before I even heard his response.

Hours of emptiness morphed into days. By Friday morning, I had gotten four more missed calls and voicemails from Ashley asking to speak with me. I ignored them for now, but knew I couldn't forever. By the time ten a.m. rolled around, I was eating breakfast, desperately trying not to think about where I should have been at this exact moment.

Apparently Ashley wasn't going to make it easy for me. My cell phone flashed the familiar number of the music center on the display as it played a melody. I ignored the call and within a minute heard the familiar beep to signal I had another message.

I would give her a call back today, but first I needed to talk to the last person in the world I ever thought I would turn to for relationship advice. Reluctantly, I dialed the number.

After a few rings, I heard Glen's familiar voice on the line requesting me to leave a message after the beep.

"Glen, I need to talk. It's really important, so call me when you get this," I said before hanging up.

He was probably still at school, busy teaching kindergartners how to hop or something ridiculous. It was that thought that put a smile on my face, the first genuine smile I'd had. Less than an hour later, he returned my call.

"Hey," I answered.

"Hey, Spence. I'm on my lunch break, so I don't have much time, but I'll be at your apartment as soon as I get out of school," he said.

As much of an ass as he could be, I loved him. I knew no matter what he would have my back. At least that's what I hoped for as I thought about how to tell him what I had to say.

By five, he was standing at my door with a big smile on his face and a box of sour patch kids in his hand. Immediately, he wrapped me into a big hug and lifted my feet off the ground before setting me down.

"There's no problem in the world that can't be solved over a box of Sour Patch kids," he announced shaking the box of candy.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that. Come in," I instructed and he followed me into the living room.

We sat there silently for a moment while I gathered my courage to ask him the question that was the whole reason I invited him.

"Thanks for coming," I said softly and began to pull at a non-existent piece of lint on my sleeve.

"I'm not nearly the dick you think I am," he teased. "What's up, Spence?"

"This is really hard to explain. I know you promised not to, but I need you to tell me what happened between you and Zoe," I began.

Knowing this was no longer a request, but a demand, he sighed and looked away. Moments later, he was still silent as his gaze met mine.

"I need to hear you say it, Glen," I begged as a stubborn tear dropped from the corner of my eye even though I willed it not to fall.

"Say…what?" he asked with a pained look as he dried my tear with his fingertips.

I decided to take the burden off of him, so I continued.

"I need you to say that nothing happened between you and Zoe that night. And the reason nothing happened was because she liked me," I offered.

Again, he sighed and hung his head. Finally, he broke the silence by asking, "This isn't about Zoe, is it? It's about Ashley."

He looked at me like he had been expecting this for a while.

"Glen, I'm begging you. Before I can think about my present or my future, I need to figure out my past," I stated firmly.

"All right," he relented with a nod. "That night, I wasn't that drunk but I was buzzed. After all, I was trying to be a good brother and keep an eye on you. I didn't want any of those guys at that party to do anything to you…or Zoe. I saw the way they were looking at the two of you. I know the kind of thoughts they have. And even though you're my sister and you think I'm brain-dead, I'm smart enough to realize you aren't a total troll."

I allowed myself to chuckle at my big brother. It was sweet that he was protective of me in his own strange way. He even managed a back handed compliment like only a brother could.

He leaned forward from his position on the couch and grabbed the box of Sour Patch Kids from the table. He popped the lid open and shook some into my hand.

"You're going to need these," he prefaced before he continued. "So I saw everything as that dumbass tool of a frat boy tried to take advantage of you and Zoe. When the two of you kissed, I suspected it was a little more than friendly and something that couldn't be explained solely because of alcohol."

He popped a few sour patch kids into his mouth and chewed slowly before continuing. "But later that night, you ended up making out with that guy. Suddenly, Zoe became more interested in me. In hind sight, it should have been more than a coincidence to me, but I chalked it up to good luck, because let's face it, Zoe was hot!"

I smacked him for his pig behavior and simultaneously thanked him for it. This was frightening news to hear, but the way Glen delivered it was perfect. The hazy events of that night were starting to come back into my brain and I filled in the gaps from Glen's point of view.

"Sorry, but she was hot. At least you have good taste in women," he teased.

I disregarded his commentary, because I was more interested in hearing the rest of the story. "What happened after we came back home?"

I continued to snack on the Sour Patch Kids as he continued his story.

"Well, you passed out while watching reruns of Oprah, so I put you in your bed. When I came back, Zoe and I started to watch some stupid movie. Before I knew it, we were making out and she led me back to her room. Things were starting to get good, she was straddling me on her bed."

"Unnecessary details, Glen!" I interrupted, sticking my fingers in my ears.

He pulled my hands from my ears and gave a soft smile to apologize.

"Then, she just stopped. I asked her what was wrong and all she could say was 'I can't do this' and she slumped onto the bed next to me. I asked her if she liked you and she told me yes, but begged me not to say anything to you, because I was the first person she had ever told that she was gay. I understood that it was something she needed to tell you, not me. So I just held her until she cried herself to sleep. And when she woke up and started to get sick, I helped her and I slept in bed with her to make sure she didn't stop breathing."

I pulled him into a hug. "Glen, I'm so sorry. I was so terrible to you the next morning and every other time I brought up Zoe," I mumbled into his ear.

"It's okay. I thought about telling you…especially after Zoe just fell off the face of the earth without telling you anything."

"Why didn't you?" I asked.

He sighed and gave me a crooked smile. "It didn't matter. First, I mean, you started dating Patrick shortly after everything happened and so I didn't think it was all that important. I debated telling you that night Ashley was over for dinner, and you brought it up, but it wasn't the right time. I knew you weren't going to drop it for good, so I was waiting until you were ready," he explained.

"And you think I was ready today?" I checked.

"You like her don't you?" he answered with a question. I hated when people did that.

"Zoe?" I asked.

"No. Ashley," he corrected. How could my idiot brother possibly be that perceptive?

I turned my gaze away from him and stared at my lap, afraid to see his reaction. I breathed a timid, "Yeah."

I nodded my head as it hung. If I hadn't made it clear enough and if he hadn't heard me, I confirmed, "Enough to scare the crap out of me. But she made it pretty clear that she doesn't want me around."

He put his arm around mine and pulled me into another hug. "Do you want me to kick her ass? I mean, I'd hate to hit a girl, but she did break my little sister's heart," he joked.

I pulled away and rolled my eyes at him. "It's all really complicated. She's been trying to talk to me, but I haven't called her back yet," I admitted.

"Well, you should give her a chance. It's obvious there's something there for you. Maybe she wants to apologize."

"Maybe," I agreed. "Glen?"

"Yeah?"

"How did you know...that I am...about me? I mean, I'm still getting used to the way I feel," I explained, but still not able to say the words.

"Spence, you can say it out loud. It's not going to change anything for me."

"Okay. How did you know I'm gay?"

"I dunno, I guess I just noticed how you never seemed to be yourself around guys. The way you looked at them, I could tell there was always something missing for you. All doubts were removed when you yelled at me when Ashley was over the other week. I'd never seen you get so mad before and I realized it had to do with the fact that I was trying to compete for the girl you wanted all to yourself. After that, I started to pay attention to the way you two interacted. Sure, it could have been just a friendship, but I've never seen you look at a guy like that. Not even Patrick."

I slumped back in the couch as he educated me on his keen observational skills.

"Ugh, why can't anything ever be easy for me?" I asked rhetorically.

"Don't be so dramatic. For the record, I saw the way Ashley looked at you too. She was pulling a miss proper in the hat just eye fucked the shit outta you all day long. In front of mom and dad, too. So, it doesn't have to be hard, you're just making it hard by not giving her the chance to make it right. So if you want something to be easy, stop whining and fix it," he reprimanded.

I'd never experienced Glen's brotherly advice before so I finished the last two Sour Patch kids. I needed the sour and sticky sweetness in my mouth because I didn't want to say he was right and that was the only thing I could think right now.

"See, I told you. There's no problem they can't solve. Everything is going to be okay," he reassured.

I smiled at the fact that despite everything he had going against him, my loser brother was starting to turn into a good guy. Glen left shortly after that and as much as it made be physically ill to admit it, I still knew he was right. After that thought crossed my mind, I checked to make sure the world didn't just get sucked up into a black hole. It didn't, so I decided to text Ashley. It was lame, I know but I didn't want to have this conversation over the phone, so I shot a simple message.

**_Meet me at Venice Beach in front of the Ice Cream Stand. Sunday at three?_**

Hours passed with no response. I told myself that she was at work and had students. Who knows if she even kept her phone on her at the music store. Finally, a little after ten, I got a text. Frightened, I looked at the display which sealed my fate.

**_I'll be there. See you then._**


	23. Chapter 23: Seattle

A/N: Thanks for all the kind words during the fighting chapters. If any of you want some mood music to accompany the reading, I'm really feeling Snow Patrol's "Just Say Yes" for the following chapter. This was what I wrote initially which started this whole story. I originally meant it as just a quick oneshot. But this version of Ashley and Spencer were too good to pass up, I just had to develop the relationship.

When I strolled up, I was relieved to see Ashley sitting on a bench in front of the ice cream store waiting for me. She didn't see me immediately, so I stopped to prepare myself. The past week of ignoring her and not seeing her was torture, but suddenly seemed like nothing compared to this. Immediately, I felt like someone was wrapping a tight fist around my windpipe. My heart began to beat rapidly to compensate for the lack of oxygen I was bringing into my bloodstream, but I had to face this.

I placed my sunglasses on my face as a way to barricade myself from my feelings. After all, the only reason I suggested to come here was to let Ashley know that I couldn't be her friend, her student, her punching bag anymore. I couldn't bear to be her anything anymore. Even though I wished I could be her everything.

She caught me standing twenty feet away from her and gave a tight smile. Knowing I had to face the inevitable at some point, I walked casually over to her.

"Hey there, stranger," she greeted me.

"Hey Ash," I responded weakly. At the sound of her voice, my mouth was a little dry and my knees a little shaky. I needed to get my shit together and put my defenses back up where they belonged.

She stood from her bench and we made our way from the crowded street, closer to the beach. I stayed silent, mostly because I had completely forgotten the speech I had planned out in my head the second I laid eyes on her.

"Thank you for meeting with me. After you cancelled your lesson Friday, I knew I had to make things right between us. I don't know what changed your mind, but I'm glad you decided to come," Ashley said.

As we reached the sand we both flicked our flip flops off and walked to the shore line. Purposely, I focused on the hot sand under my feet or the sounds of the seagulls as they screeched above us. Anything to draw my attention from the illusion my mind was beginning to lull me into again.

"About that, I don't know if it's such a good idea that I continue my lessons with you," I began. It was a start, but I still couldn't manage to continue.

"Don't. Don't say anymore," she implored. "I know your mad at me and you should be."

"Actually, I'm more mad at myself," I admitted.

Mad at myself for feeling something for you when I should have known better. Mad at myself for being heartbroken when I saw the way you looked at Aiden and the way you refused to look at me. Mad at myself for thinking I could be stronger than my feelings for you. Mad at myself for allowing those feelings to impact our friendship. Mad at myself for not having the nerve to say any of this out loud.

"Don't be. You did nothing wrong. I missed you, Spence. And I know it's my own damn fault because I'm pretty fucking outstanding at destroying every good thing in my life. Poor little rich girl, I know. I completely understand if you don't want to see me again, because I don't deserve to have you in my life. But I crave you in my life. I need you in my life. I needed you from the first day I met you. It scares me that I need anyone like that."

She paused while she studied my face, but continued quickly before I had the chance to formulate a response. "Before you say anything, I want you to know that I am so sorry for everything that happened."

I dug my toes in the wet sand, trying to distract myself from what could possibly be the best apology I had ever heard.

"I couldn't deal with my feelings and I took it out on you. I'm sorry," she added.

"It's okay. I know it was a lot to handle, seeing Aiden for the first time. I honestly don't know how I would have reacted if I had seen Patrick," I lied. If Patrick introduced me to his new wife right this second, with Ashley standing beside me, it would even matter.

"No, it's not okay, the way I treated you. And it's not the feelings for Aiden that I couldn't deal with," she clarified but didn't elaborate.

I could see the tears welling in her eyes. It made me want to cry too. I've always been a sympathetic crier, but it passed. The longer I stared, the more I realized there was something more she was trying to tell me without having to say the words.

"Please, forgive me," she pleaded.

I tried to summon up the courage to tell her that even if I forgave her, I was still too hurt to be her friend. Rational thoughts failed me and my heart took over as I buried those thoughts and looked away from her gaze. Never being able to say no to her, I replied, "Forgiven."

I did forgive her even if it meant I was completely disgusted with myself. I just wasn't sure if I could keep putting myself through this masochistic torture.

A smile found it's way to her face and we stood there in silence before Ashley led the way as we began our decent down the pier. I had so many questions, but I figured Ashley would tell me when she was ready.

"I hate the sunshine," Ashley said matter-of-factly, changing the subject.

"Then you might be living in the wrong city," I responded with a chuckle in my voice, relishing this moment of normalcy between us. Also, I was glad the subject had changed, because I needed to recover from the adrenaline surging through my body.

"So, you think I should move?" she asked.

"No!" I protested, a little too eagerly. Inside my mind, I cursed myself for the pain I felt at the thought of us being apart when this is what I specifically came here to do. Instead, I felt the blush creeping up in my face and tried my best to hide it. Hopefully, the heat of the day disguised the reason for the burst of color in my cheeks.

"Seattle?" I half asked, trying to regain my composure and lower my eagerness factor. Partially for her and partially for myself.

"Ha! So you do want me gone, Spence. I don't blame you," she said and nudged into me as we made our way down the pier.

My heart ached at the thought of her anywhere but where I was. I closed my eyes, trying to push those thoughts out of my head. What the hell was wrong with me? Ashley was just my friend and I shouldn't be thinking these kinds of things about someone who is just a friend, especially if I wasn't sure I could take being just her friend anymore. I knew then that I was bluffing and I had only been fooling myself to believe I could not be around Ashley. Even if it meant it would cause me unnecessary and heart wrenching pain, I had to be near her.

"You can't leave me. LA would just be too boring without you," I caved and laughed internally as I contemplated how my resolve had lasted no longer than eight minutes.

"I know," she said smugly. "I just wanted to hear you say it."

Her brown eyes darted in my direction and she flashed a seductive smile, but quickly looked away out to the ocean in front of us.

Was she flirting with me? There goes those damn thoughts again. I chalked it up to Ashley just being her normally cocky self. And I'd gotten myself in trouble misinterpreting all of this in the past.

We reached the end of the pier, and stood in awkward silence while we watched the tide crash to the shore for a few minutes. Our friendship felt the same, but very different at the same time. Though our fight had been resolved, there was still something between us that had shifted. She turned, resting her back against the wooden railing. I knew she was staring at me, waiting for me to return her gaze. I just continued to look out into the ocean, trying to get lost in the rhythm of the waves as they crashed to the shore. I couldn't bear to look into those brown orbs again, I'd be lost.

Also, I know my eyes always betray me. My face could hide my emotions with a stoic expression, but my eyes would show exactly what was in my heart and I wasn't ready for Ashley to see that. I pursed my lips and began to sweep my fingers over the weathered wood.

"Spence," she said softly. So soft, I wasn't sure if it was my mind playing another trick on me. There was an unbearable silence between us, while I gathered my courage to respond.

"Look at me, Spencer," Ashley instructed.

I was fucked. Totally and completely fucked. Everything about her set my world on fire. The way she barely whispered my name or the way her curls swayed in the salty air.

I turned slowly, trying to prolong my glorious torture. My gaze traced her shoulders, which were tan with a little red sunburn starting to show. Next, where her bikini strap clung to the side of her neck, askew to where her tan lines were.

Then up to her jaw line, the muscles flexing, like she was fighting to hold back more words. Her lips, slightly parted, as she was poised to say something more. Why was she always holding back? Why was I always holding back? Finally, I allowed my eyes to meet hers and pushed my sunglasses up into my hair.

I was completely exposed and there was no sense in trying to hide it. I was certain she could read the fear, the desire, the need, the everything that had been swirling in my mind and my heart for weeks now and watched as it finally bubbled it's way to the surface.

Instantly, her hand met my temple, pushing the blonde wisps away from my eyes, leaving nothing between our gaze.

"I just needed to see you. I needed to see that you're not still mad at me. I needed to see what's going on inside of that head of yours. God, your eyes are so beautiful Spencer," she whispered her stream of consciousness.

"I'm not a big fan of them at the moment," I honestly disagreed as I thought about how badly they gave me away and partly because I've never known how to properly accept a compliment.

"Well, I am," she said hesitantly. "I could never go anywhere if it meant I wouldn't be able to see these baby blues every day. Seattle included. I just needed to see that you feel it too. That this isn't all in my head. Before, when I said it wasn't my feelings for Aiden I couldn't deal with…I meant it. It was my feelings…it was my feelings for you I couldn't deal with. The whole thing that happened Zoe and your friendship made me scared that that could happen with me too. So I shut you out, because that was the only way I learned how to end up with my heart in one piece."

Her words had me in a trance as I contemplated everything she just confessed. That was one thing my mind definitely had not made up-her words, her glances, her touch, her tone was not friendly-it was dead serious. There was no mistaking, no misinterpreting, no overanalyzing this series of events.

"Ash, you don't have anything to worry about when it comes to me. I know what I want," I said, but knew that there were no words left to say that could explain. The thoughts continued to scream in my head and I could only do one thing to push them out, to drown out all of the noise.

Tentatively, I reached my hand around her waist and pulled her closely to me. This moment felt like forever while I searched her eyes and realized I wasn't the only one who couldn't keep the way I felt a secret anymore. We were both barely smiling as we realized what was so obvious. Finally, I leaned in, closing the distance between our lips which were now too close to do anything else. I felt her exhale on my lips before her breath baited and our mouths finally met.

She returned my kiss, parting her lips slightly, making room for her eager tongue which traced along my bottom lip for just a moment before I granted her access to my mouth. My tongue responded by finding hers tentatively at first. I felt myself reacting to every move she made. Our rhythm sped up as we could no longer deny the want that had built up to this moment before it dissipated into slow and soft passionate kisses.

Even though it was still at least eighty degrees outside, my body was instantly covered goosebumps. It was if my senses were overloaded. I tasted the vanilla of her lip balm and sea salt on her lips. I breathed in the smell of coconut from her sunsceen.

I tangled my fingers in the hair at the back of her neck and tried to puller her closer. It was impossible: there was nowhere to go. But I wanted more. I heard a moan as our lips parted briefly before finding each others again. I was so lost in her, I wasn't sure if it was mine or hers and I didn't care. I had no idea how long we had been kissing, but it wasn't long enough. When it came to Ashley, I knew there could never be enough to satisfy me. She would always leave me wanting more, in the best way possible.

As much as I wanted to stay lost in this moment forever, I physically needed to break our connection. My heartbeat was racing erratically and was about to burst out of my chest if I didn't catch my breath. Gently, I pulled away from her lips ever so slightly. My forehead was resting against hers, so that our noses were still touching. Fluttering my eyelashes open, I looked into Ashley's beautiful brown eyes.

With Ashley tracing circles on my lower back, I closed my eyes and rested my head on her shoulder. Fresh oxygen filled my lungs as I tried to make sense of the past few minutes. Eventually I regained my composure and pulled my head back so I could see her again and confirm this wasn't a mirage.

"Spence, are you okay? I don't want this to be too much. I never thought…" she trailed off while doing a poor job of hiding the panic in her voice.

All I could do was smile because we had both been feeling the same damn thing all along. I'm sure it was a goofy, ridiculous smile, but I needed her to know instantly without me having to say a word. I decided to say something anyway.

"I've never been better," I said simply.

Ashley responded in kind with her own adorable nose-crinkling smile. She could trademark that thing and sell it on Ebay.

"Never. Been. Better." I repeated, before kissing her chastely on the lips again.

"I promise I won't freak out again. This is what I want more than anything. I've never been more sure in my entire life," she added.

"Good, because you broke my heart and I don't think I can handle that again," I admitted maybe a little too freely. Somehow, I felt my fears melt away in her arms. I trusted her unconditionally because this reality with her was the only thing I understood.

"You know I'm going to make it up to you, right?"

I nodded as I pulled away and linked her fingers in mine and we walked down off the pier and onto the beach.

"Where are we going?" Ashley asked.

Her thumb stroked the side of mine and I knew I had found the hand that was meant to fit with mine forever.

"Seattle?" I joked.

She laughed and I knew something else. I knew that I would spend the rest of my life saying stupid things and wearing ridiculous smiles if it meant it would result in the sound of her laughter.

"No, no…I was only joking about sunlight. After today, it's my second favorite thing," she said.

"Good, because I don't think an umbrella should be an accessory." After a quick pause, I asked, "Wait, what's your first favorite thing?"

She squeezed my hand and stopped right in her tracks as I continued to walk until my linked hand jerked me back to her.

She pulled me closer, resting her elbows on my shoulders as her hands played with my hair. I felt the heat of her breath against my ear as she whispered, "You, of course."

With that response, I had no choice but to kiss her again. I missed the honey softness of her lip gloss as our mouths met. Although I wanted more, it lasted less that I needed it to as Ashley pulled away with a furrow in her eyebrows.

"What's wrong?"

She offered a playful hurt response, "You still never told me where we were going!"

"Somewhere private where we can do more of this," I explained as I kissed her again.


	24. Chapter 24: Ashley's Confession

Ashley followed me from Venice Beach back to my apartment. It's hard to believe that she's never been here, I thought as I pulled into an empty spot. It's hard to believe any of this is happening. As she exited the vehicle, I fought my nerves again. What if she changed her mind on the way over? What if she tells me she just wants to be friends?

Before I even had the chance to worry about those thoughts, she reached out her hand and linked her fingers in mine.

"I missed you, beautiful," she said and kissed my hand.

The fact that it was only a twenty minute drive from the beach to my apartment wasn't wasted on me.

"I missed you too," I concurred. Yeah, I have officially become one of those lame love-sick people, but I didn't care.

We walked hand in hand to my door and I opened it and held the door so she could enter first. "So, this is where I live," I announced.

"Yeah, I know," she observed.

"Huh…You've never been here before," I stated. We headed into my room, where I kicked off my flip flops.

She gave me a sideways glance. "Well, I've never been inside. But I kinda know where you live, because I got your address from Sean so I could drop off the letter I wrote you," she revealed.

I scrunched my face, trying to figure out what the hell she was talking about. Nervously, she started to babble, "I mean, I wasn't like stalking you or anything. I just dropped it off on Monday. That's it."

I grabbed her arm lightly and forced her to make eye contact with me. "It's okay Ashley, I didn't get the stalker vibe from you. But I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You didn't get it? I left an envelope with your name on it on your doorstep Monday," she affirmed.

"Shit!" I exclaimed. Sometimes, I was so dense. I completely forgot about it until now. I fished in my purse and pulled it out. "This letter?" I asked as I waved it in front of her.

"That would be it. You didn't read it?" she inquired looking completely relieved.

"No," I confessed and attempted to stick my finger under the corner of the envelope, but was stopped by her hand on top of mine.

"Don't," she commanded.

"Why?" I asked.

"Just promise me you won't. I know I'm not easy to be with and you're probably going to need to read that some other time. Hang onto it and when you need to use it, you'll know."

I wondered why she was being so cryptic about this letter, but I was hopelessly at the mercy of her demands.

"I promise," I announced and opened my sock drawer and buried it deep under the safety of cotton footwear.

She had made herself comfortable as she lay on my bed, looking up at my ceiling.

"I like this bed. It's a lot more comfortable than the one at your parents house," she commented absently. She reached out her hand to try to pull me onto the bed with her. Instead, I pulled her from the bed into a standing position.

"Why did you do that?" she asked, hurt.

"Because you already tempt me enough, without being on my bed," I answered and pulled her closer, so I could access her lips.

I broke from our kiss and registered her smile. I still can't believe that smile was all for me.

We decided to watch a movie, but agreed that we could eat something first. We ended up with Raemen, because it was all I had at my place. I had been living off of it for a week, but it tasted much better with Ashley's company. After dinner, I led her back to the couch and took a seat. Ashley stood in front of me with a mischievous grin on her face.

"Can I get you something?" I asked.

She just gave me an innocent nod of her head, so I began to lift myself from the couch. My butt was only inches from the cushion, when I felt her hands on the bare skin of my shoulders. Gently, she set me back onto the couch and placed her knees on either side of my lap, straddling me.

The way she was perched, her neck was at my eye level and he hair grazed my face. Slowly, she lowered her face to mine, so we were finally eye to eye.

"You," she breathed softly. Her sultry voice was filled with want and it sent shock waves throughout my body. Internally, I was doing backwards, hands free cartwheels and quadruple backflips and all kinds of manuevers that could be considered illegal at the Olympics.

I closed my eyes and felt her lips on the top of my nose, planting a quick kiss there before her button nose made contact with mine. Knowing she was near, so close to giving me what I wanted was making me want her even more. Instinctively, I lifted my face so I could meet her lips with mine.

I felt her weight shift on my legs and she pulled back. What a little tease! My eyes popped open and there was no way for me to hide my surprise and disappointment. But she melted away my annoyance with her penetrating stare. I sat mesmerized by the coffee colored eyes I had been missing for a week.

I could tell, she was searching my eyes for something more from me.

"You already have me," I confirmed looking up at her.

With that, she leaned back into me and I felt the softness of her full pout on my lips. Ashley took control and drove my head back into the couch with the urgency of her kiss. My body was reacting to feeling her touch again and I let out a moan as she pulled on my bottom lip, before shifting her face to get more access to my mouth. Our tongues met in the middle of our open lips, but I was completely dominated by Ashley and I was fine with that. With this kiss, she was letting me know that she was mine as much as I was hers.

Ashley pulled away and then planted a slew of quick soft kisses on my mouth, before stopping completely.

"When did you realize that you were interested in me as more than just friends?" I finally asked, resting my hands on her hips, then playing with the frays at the bottom of her denim skirt.

"If I'm being honest, the second I turned around and saw you waiting at the counter for your first lesson. I found myself looking for any excuse to see you and somehow, I got a little lucky that you left your credit card. But I really knew I was in over my head when I invited you over for dinner and you wore that shirt. Thank God Kyla was there. If we were alone, I probably would have mauled you and scared you away. I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to control myself, I had to fake falling asleep that night. I fought myself every step of the way. I mean, you just broke up with your boyfriend and I was so worried about ruining our friendship and destroying this insane connection I felt. There's no denying the chemistry between us, but I didn't even know if you felt the same way for me, so I decided to test my theory."

She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and kissed me softly on the lips. My mind was spinning at her admittance, because it paralleled my own feelings exactly.

"Wait. What do you mean test your theory?" I asked incredulously as I finished processing what she said.

"Spence, it's not important. Not as important as this," she reasoned and nipped at my ear lightly, dragging out her teeth on my earlobe. Trailing her tongue down my neck, she began to suck at my pulse point. Then she lifted her lips from my skin and inhaled sharply. I felt the air sweep over the wetness from her mouth on my neck and fought the urge to assault her mouth with mine.

Regaining my composure with Ashley's face buried in my neck, was difficult. Finally, I managed to feebly push her shoulder with my palm dislodging her skin from mine.

Sparks of amusement flashed in her eyes as she realized the affect she was having on me.

"Does this have anything to do with what you wore to the lesson on Friday?" I attempted to understand.

"Mmmm, Spence," she purred. "I don't reveal my secrets."

My eyes widened at her confident response. "You bitch!" I teased. "Do you have any idea what you did to me? I couldn't think about anything but that vest and the pink lace of your bra for days!"

"I have a little idea," she confirmed and held her index finger a few centimeters apart from her thumb to give me an indication of just how little. "Do you have any idea how incredibly sexy you are when you're all hot and bothered?"

"Nope," I said dryly. "You'll have to enlighten me."

"Well, I wanted to do this during the entire time of the lesson," she explained as she lowered her head to mine.

I was craving her kiss and she didn't leave me wanting for long. This time, she let out a moan and I felt it vibrate lightly on my lips, which only made me want her more. Ashley adjusted herself on my lap and I reached my arms around her back, pulling her into me.

She responded by deepening her kiss and prying my lips open with her tongue. My mouth opened, allowing her full access and in turn, her lips did the same for me. Our tongues met hurriedly as they tangled together. I moved my head, feeling our noses make contact as we alternated sides. I needed a different vantage point to explore the curve of her lips; the change in angle giving me new areas of her skin to access.

Her hands made their way to my face and I felt her thumbs lightly sweep my cheeks as she used her hands as leverage to bring me in closer. I was lost in our kiss, blocking out the world around me.

"Hey Spence…woah!" Madison exclaimed as she burst into the apartment.

Ashley and I broke apart at the sound of her voice, but my arms stayed firmly wrapped around her back. Her hands were still clasped on my face. As she turned to face Madison, her curls lightly slapped me across the face, bringing me back to reality.

"Hey Madison," Ashley greeted with a smile. As if this whole situation wasn't in the slightest bit awkward. As if they almost didn't get in a raging cat fight last week. I guess they worked out a lot more on their talk than I could have imagined.

"Uh, hi Ashley," Madison stuttered. Her green eyes were wide as she struggled to make sense of what was in front of her. She set down her tote next to the bar stool in the kitchen and hesitantly made her way into the living room where we were.

"Hey Mads," I said, now that my heart was finally beating again. And it appeared to be pumping every last drop of blood to my face. Was it a hundred degrees in here now?

Ashley lifted herself from my lap and pulled me up from the couch. Madison took another cautious step closer, her eyes darting between Ashley and I, silently asking for an explanation from either of us.

Neither Ashley or myself spoke immediately, so Madison finally asked the obvious. "So, uh, are either of you going to tell me what's going on?"

She knew damn well what was going on. I could tell by the smile on her face. Ashley and I were the cats who just ate the canary and had feathers sticking out of our mouths.

"It's called making out. It's what most non-sluts do on dates. You know instead of just jumping into the sack with someone after exchanging hellos," Ashley clarified.

I let out a startled choke at her response, which was also a subtle dig at Madison. Maybe I had overestimated what happened during the course of their conversation last week.

This was not exactly how I planned telling people about Ashley and I, but it was the hand I was dealt. So, I reached for Ashley's hand, needing a little of her confident strength to make me feel safe. I wanted everyone to know, because I was never more sure about anything.

I glanced over to Ashley and silently asked for permission to properly answer Madison's question. Ashley responded by linking her fingers in mine and gave me a warm smile.

"Ashley and I are still figuring everything out, but I know I like her a lot," I admitted with a shrug. "This is new for both of us, so we don't want to rush it."

It was a rather lame explanation, but it's all my brain could work on right now. Madison pondered my words before responding, "Right. You didn't look like you were rushing it at all," she said. "But I guess it's about time," she finalized.

"Really? That's it. It's about time…" I trailed off, stunned. Normally, I expected to be bombarded by her normal onslaught of inane questions. They were inevitable.

"You two are so clueless. I could tell you were a smitten kitten from the day after your first lesson, Spencer. And Ashley, I saw the way you looked at Spencer when you thought she wasn't looking during our talk last Sunday. Well, at least when you weren't shooting daggers at Aiden or me, that is."

"And she's back," I announced with a laugh while Ashley stood there frozen. It was the first time she got to see the miracle-bitch that is Madison. Her honesty was as refreshing as a bucket of ice water in an artic winter.

"Yeah. After you left, Kyla and I talked about how obvious it was," she added.

"Wait. What? Kyla?" Ashley choked out.

"She was actually the one who brought it to my attention that the reason you were so mad had nothing to do with Aiden," Madison revealed. "I like her. Tell her thanks for the heads up about Aiden. It was because of her, that I dumped his ass."

"You broke up with Aiden?" I asked, not all that stunned.

"Of course. You know me and he couldn't have sucked more at show on Saturday. I'm looking for someone with some talent. So if you two want to go out with me tonight and be my wing women, you're more than welcome. You know I don't need one, so if you want to get back to your make out session, that's fine too."

"Actually, I have to work bright and early tomorrow, so I'll probably be going to bed soon," I replied.

"No worries. I'm going to get ready then," Madison said and retreated towards her room, but poked her head from the door before continuing, "And be safe, I don't want either of you getting pregnant. Also, if you have sex, don't have sex on that couch. I plan on taking it with me when I move."

"Get out of here, ass!" I grabbed a throw pillow from the couch and chucked it at her head, but she slammed the door with a squeal. The pillow hit the door with a dull thud and it dropped to the carpet in front of her door.

"Why did you think I'd love her, again?" Ashley asked.

A/N: So I'm sneaking my author's note down here because I didn't want to give away anything about the letter and this is a mini spoiler alert. Also, it's a long one and nobody probably cares. lol. First, I will admit I am a total bitchface because I've planned for the contents of the letter NOT to be revealed until the end. I will let you know that I had to choose Ashley's words carefully for the last chapter because of what the letter says (since she said everything to Spencer under the impression she had read the letter already). Also the letter is going to play a big role at the end of the story. Regardless...there will be a lot of heartwarming Spashley moments in the coming chapters to hopefully keep everyone happy. I might slow my posting pace a tad depending on how quickly I can think everything through. I am giving a half assed apology to anyone who doesn't like cheesy but adorbly romantic moments because... they... are... coming.


	25. Chapter 25: Pancake Breakfast

A/N: You guys are killing me! I don't know how I can continue to write this fast, but your kind words are an excellent motivator! I'm glad there's at least a few of you out there who want them to take it slow...

"So, I guess I should get going?" Ashley asked and started to meander to my door, picking up the discarded pillow and throwing it back on the couch.

"No," I disagreed and grabbed her hand and led her back into my arms where she belongs. Yep, that feels better already as her body settled into mine.

"But you have to get up early for work," she stammered.

"Yeah, well that's not going to change. I was thinking that maybe you might want to spend the night. Strictly PG rated," I added.

She smiled. "I don't know if I can. I don't think I can do anything just PG when it comes to you."

"Can't or won't? You know you want to. Don't make me beg," I threatened. My lip began it's decent into pout mode and I looked up at her with the best set of puppy dog eyes I could muster. I wasn't about to let my Ashley high wear off without a fight.

She heaved in a sigh and looked at me in defeat. "All right. I told you I was going to make it up to you and that's what I'm going to do."

"Oh yeah. Such a sacrifice you're making," I teased.

We walked into my bedroom and I rooted around in my dresser to get her a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I threw them on the bed and pulled out a pair for myself.

"What time do you have to wake up?" she asked while putting on the pajamas I gave her.

"Probably six thirty," I estimated.

"Already a sacrifice, but totally worth it," she clarified. "Why so early? There's no way anybody wants to get their picture taken that early in the morning."

"I'm not taking any pictures. I start my new job tomorrow," I corrected as I tugged my t-shirt over my head.

"What? That's fantastic Spencer," she exclaimed and wrapped her arms around me and let them linger. "I'm so excited to see you off on your first day."

After we finished dressing for bed, I entered my bathroom and rooted around my drawer to locate a toothbrush for her. I held up two and asked, "Red or Green?"

"Hmmm. Red," she decided with a smile. I handed over her toothbrush and we finished getting ready for bed. Before I turned out the lights in my bathroom, I couldn't help but think how much I liked the sight of her toothbrush next to mine in the holder.

I followed her back into my room and we bickered over who would get what side. We climbed into my bed and I turned off the light on my nightstand. Ashley and I were both on our sides, facing each other in the darkness. She reached out and pulled me closer to her.

"Spence?" she questioned into the darkness.

"Yes?" I acknowledged.

"I have a confession," she stated softly.

There was a hesitancy in her voice that made my insides flip upside down. My heart was racing and I could feel my blood traveling through my veins. I braced myself for the worst, wondering what she could possibly want to tell me.

"Okay," I finally said.

"I hate that I already fucked us up before we even had the chance to be an us. And that I wasn't the first person you told about your new job. And I hate that I already hurt you, because I never want to hurt you," she paused.

I reached for her arm and ran my fingers from her shoulder to her elbow.

"Ashley, don't even worry about it. You're here now and that's all that matters to me," I said and placed a soft kiss on her lips.

She sighed as she struggled to find the right words to say before she continued, "What I'm trying to say is that I want to do this right. I've made so many mistakes in the past because I rush right into things and I don't want that to happen with us. You're too important to me. I don't know if I'll be any good at it, because I have no idea what I'm doing taking things slow. And I might need you to be the strong one, because I want you so much. I don't know if I have the strength to stop myself from anything when it comes to you."

"I'm in no hurry as long as you're with me. Good things take time and we have a good thing."

It was silent as she contemplated my response, so I filled the space between us with my eager words, "But there are some things I just don't have the patience to wait for. Now, will you please, for the love of God, kiss me?"

I leaned in towards her, hovering near her face but stopping short. Part of me wanting her to come to me. After all, didn't she just say she needed me to be the strong one? I could feel the heat of her breath and knew she was near. There was silence while I anticipated her touch. She slithered closer to me and I gasped as her body made full contact with mine.

In the darkness, things were now new again. I shivered once I felt her fingers as they traced the curve of my jaw, stopping at my chin. She swept her thumb up to my lips, which parted in anticipation of her skin on my waiting mouth. She traced my bottom lip with her thumb and then drew me towards her where she swiftly replaced it with her mouth. Her hand relocated to the back of my neck, where her fingers began to massage my scalp.

My hands began to wander to the dip of her waist and all I wanted to do was crash her body into mine. With the darkness as my cloak, I continued to run my fingers anywhere she would let me. I tried to visualise the small of her back as I grazed it with trembling fingers. I followed up her spine, stopping to swirl the outline of her shoulder blades. Everything about her body was sensual, even without my ability to see it. My hands stayed fixed on her back, knowing that exploring other territories would only lead me into a temptation I wouldn't be able to escape. Not that I would want to, but because I wanted to follow through on my promise to Ashley. I was enjoying the build up as we continued to push ourselves to the point where control was only inches away from slipping out of our hands, when Ashley pulled away.

"Okay, you need to sleep," she advised me between our heavy breaths. After we gathered our composure, she placed another soft kiss on my lips.

My mind was swirling with everything that happened today and I fell asleep with Ashley's arms wrapped around me.

Morning came much too early and I was woken by my alarm blaring at 6:30. Ashley stirred beside me at the sound, but didn't fully wake. Knowing what was waiting for me here made getting out of bed that much harder, even though I was excited for what was ahead of me today. There was enough sunlight penetrating through the shades so that I stayed in bed for a minute watching Ashley as she slept.

She was on her back, her curls wildly sprawled out around her pillow. She had kicked all of the sheets down to her feet and her hand was draped acrss her stomach, which pushed up her tank top. I noticed a small little tattoo below her hip bone. My fingers hovered above her marked skin and I contemplated touching it, but pulled my hand back. I didn't want to wake her, she looked too adorable.

Reluctantly, I pulled myself out of bed, got my clothes ready and headed into the shower. When I emerged, I saw that the bed had been made, but Ashley was no longer in my room. Panic swept over me for a moment until I looked at the top of my comforter. On the center of the bed, there was a note, weighed down with a seashell on it. I hoped Ashley hadn't left without saying goodbye, so I walked over to the bed, anxious so see what she wrote. I removed the seashell and inspected it briefly in the palm of my hand before reading the letter.

Spence,

Thank you for last night. The sound of your breathing might just be the cure to my insomnia. I found this shell on the beach yesterday, and I'd never seen one that was still hinged together like this before. Normally, they are all broken or only one side is left. When I saw it, it reminded me. Even with the rough that surrounded us and sent us crashing to someplace unfamiliar, we made it through in one piece. I hope you'll keep it and it will remind you of yesterday.

Now that you are ready, come find me! I'll be the one in the kitchen making a mess.

XO

Ashley

I placed the note and the shell on my dresser and thought that it was the start of pretty amazing morning. And it was only seven a.m. I headed out to the kitchen, where Ashley was not joking about making a mess. The counter tops were covered in flour and cracked eggshells lined an empty carton. Ashley even managed to smudge some flour on one of her cheeks. She didn't seem to notice while she concentrated on the griddle in front of her as she chased around a pancake with a spatula.

"What are you doing?" I asked, laughing.

She turned and greeted me with a smile and waved at me with the spatula. I walked up behind her and placed an arm around her waist before I kissed her cheek.

"I'm making breakfast, silly." she responded.

"I see. It looks like you're having a little trouble with that pancake, though," I remarked.

"You think you can do better?" she challenged.

"Maybe," I mused as I took the spatula from her hand.

Ashley watched me cautiously as I stood in front of the stove top, prepared to witness my best Rachel Ray impersonation. Instead, I leaned in and kissed her, while using my free hand to flick the spatula under the pancake. I heard the sound of the uncooked side as it sizzled on the hot pan. I pulled away from the kiss and handed Ashley the spatula back.

She stood there in shock, her gaze shooting back and forth between my perfectly flipped pancake and cocky grin. "You've been holding out on me, Carlin."

"I told you breakfast for dinner was my favorite thing. My Grandma told me I had to learn how to flip a pancake if she was going to make it for me. I used to go over there every other weekend when I lived in Ohio," I explained.

"I have no idea how, but you just made pancakes sexy, Spence. Remind me to thank your Grandma when I meet her," she said.

That was the first time I had ever heard the words Grandma and sexy in such close proximity to one another, but Ashley made it work. I smiled and got our cups of coffee ready while Ashley finished the pancakes. I could really get used to my hot chef making me breakfast in the morning.

"What time are you working today?" I asked between bites of pancake, which were quite good. My girl's got skills in the kitchen, and hopefully the bedroom too.

"Two to ten," she replied with a frown.

"Why so late, how am I supposed to see you?"

"Maybe you should start taking your lessons again, Spence," she suggested. "Then you can see me on the nights I work late."

I groaned. The guitar had been sitting in the corner untouched for at least a week. I had probably already forgotten everything from my first two lessons. My fingers were already tingling at the memories of the soreness that accompanied my practicing. "I want to hang out with you, but the guitar kinds puts a damper on our ability to do other things," I insinuated.

"What kind of other things? Hopscotch? Re-inacting the Civil War? Starting a fantasy football league?" she asked sarcastically as she began to wash off her plate in the sink.

"Not unless any of those are code for this," I clarified and placed a kiss on her lips.

She gasped and followed it with, "Spencer Carlin has a dirty mind?"

I motioned for her to come closer with my index finger and she obeyed. I swept the locks of hair away from her neck so I had room for my lips to explain without speaking. Her body swayed into mine as I lightly sucked and licked from her collar bone to her ear.

"So dirty," I confirmed in my best seductive voice just inches away from her ear. I shifted my weight against hers backing her up against the sink. Her body was arched into mine as I began to show her just how dirty I wanted to be as I crashed my lips to hers. I loved the maple syrup that still lingered on her lips. My mouth was taking control and I placed my hand against the cool tile backsplash so I didn't end up bending Ashley completely over the sink with the force of my lust. My free hand rested on the soft flesh of her chest,cupping the fullness of her breast in my hand.

"JESUS, you two! I haven't even had my coffee yet," Madison announced as she stumbled into the kitchen, her eyes still half closed.

With Ashley in the picture now, maybe I should narrow my apartment hunt to a single bedroom. Roommates can be very overrated.

"Sorry Madison," Ashley said. "I was just leaving anyways."

Madison was fixing her coffee while Ashley and I walked to the door. "Do you have to leave so soon?" I asked.

"You better hurry up. You don't want to be late on your first day. I will call you later," she said and gave me a peck on my very red cheek.

I nodded and shut the door behind her. She was right, I needed to get motoring for my first day at my new job.


	26. Chapter 26: Hot For Teacher

A/N: Sorry for the extended absence. It was a busy weekend, complete with an out of town guest. I shall try to make it up to you through continued fluff and more regular updates!

On Monday night, Ashley informed me that she took the liberty of re-booking my lessons for Wednesday night at nine. That way, I would be her last lesson of the day and after she closed up, we could go back to her loft. I liked the sound of the last part, but the lesson just seemed completely unnecessary. It still meant another hour I got to spend with Ashley, so I made sure to pack my guitar before I left for work.

Since I was still trying to figure out just what the hell I was doing at my new job, time passed quickly. Before I knew it, I was back at my apartment, so I showered and got ready, trying my best to look extremely hot for Ashley. I decided to curl my hair in a messy I just got done surfing kind of way, even though I don't surf and my indoor job kept me less tan than I preferred. I grabbed a very short Holister skirt and black tank top, complete with hoodie because it was always freezing at Sticks and Stings.

I arrived a few minutes early and Clay let me know I could wait in some chairs in the back where the lessons were taught. A few minutes after nine, Ashley opened the door and let a grinning teenage boy out.

"See you next week," he said trying to stifle a blush.

"Yes, see you then, Taylor," Ashley replied, shooting a glance in my direction.

Taylor looked back at her, almost stumbling over a display of sheet music on the way out. Apparently I wasn't the only student of Ashley's that had difficulty concentrating in her presence.

"Ms. Carlin, are you ready for your lesson?" she asked with a smirk.

I sat up from the pleather chair, and counted the strides it took to reach her. Seven, in case you were wondering. "I've been ready for this all week Ms. Davies," I said liking the way her formal name rolled off my tongue. This teacher student dynamic was so hot to me right now.

I desperately wanted kiss her, but that would be inappropriate at her place of work. Customers were milling about around us and I was dying to get inside the private room where she taught the lessons, so we didn't have to be just teacher and student.

"Then, we better get started," she said and led me back into the room.

She shut the door behind her and I heard the distinct click of the door shutting, followed by a lock, which immediately caused my heart rate to soar. I started to fumble with freeing my guitar from it's case, concentrating on anything that wasn't a gorgeous brunette. I heard her footsteps behind me and continued to focus on locating my pick from the case. Where the hell had I put that thing?

She was close, too close for me to think about anything else. Fingertips floated down my arm and linked themselves with my hand, stopping me from my feeble search. I half turned in response, when I felt an impediment against my back that could only be Ashley's body. Shocked, I tried to hold back a whimper, but a noise that sounded like a weak, "Mmm," escaped my lips.

Ashley responded by using our linked hands to pull me deeper into her. "Yeah that's pretty much what I was thinking when I saw you tonight. Spence, if you think distracting me is going to save you from this lesson, you've got another thing coming," she murmured softly into my ear.

That was actually not a bad idea and I'm sure subconsciously that's why I tried it. However, it was painfully clear when it came to seduction, Ashley had me beat.

I felt the softness of her lips as she traced them down my neck, probably trying to prove her point. I wanted to assure her there was no need to prove it, but I was enjoying her touch a little too much to argue.

She pulled away quickly, again to prove her point, leaving me back at square one. I still hadn't found my pick and now it was damn near impossible to think about anything but her. As if she knew exactly how screwed I was, she slid over a pick across the table where my guitar case was sitting. That was the worst part about dating my guitar teacher. The best part was that Ashley was a firm believer in positive reinforcement. For every chord, I got right, I got my reward. In all fairness, I did kind of ask for it through my puppy dog eyes and pointing my fingers to puckered lips. Forget teaching people how to play the guitar, Ashley should teach other people how to teach. I never wanted to learn something so badly in my entire life.

As we neared the end of our lesson, Ashley took the guitar from my hands and silently put it in it's case for me.

"Why did you do that?" I asked. "We still have ten minutes left."

Not that I wanted to spend the last ten minutes of my lesson just practicing, but it confused me since that's what she insinuated she wanted to do with the full lesson time.

"Ms. Carlin, are you giving me attitude?" she teased as she finished tucking my guitar safely into it's case.

Still, hearing my name like that, caused my instincts to take over. I sat up taller in my chair, just like I used to in high school when I was called on and I hadn't been paying attention. My words became jumbled in my head as I struggled to formulate my response.

"N-n-noo," I finally managed to say.

Ashley was now standing over me, and she cocked her head to the side. She kept her eyes locked on mine as she lowered herself onto me, straddling me on the chair. Taking a strand of my curly hair in her hand, she began to twist it around her index finger. My arms found their way around her waist and I plunged my fingers into her lower back. She arched her back into me at the feel of my massage and I figured that was about the smartest thing I'd done all day.

"You and those fingers, Spence," she purred. She placed a quick kiss on my shoulder before resting her head on it. "Seriously though, you are one of the quickest learners I've ever seen. I mean I have music in my blood and it never came that easy to me. You are a natural on the guitar."

She pulled her head from my shoulder and gave me a soft smile to let me know she meant it. Of course she has to say things like that, I'm her student. I rolled my eyes at her words and kept my gaze focused anywhere but at her.

"Did you just roll your eyes at me?" Ashley asked incredulously.

I chuckled to myself and bit my lower lip nervously. She placed her hands on my face and pulled my face up to her so I was forced to look her directly in those brown pools of perfection. It was more than I could bear and I squirmed under her.

"Spence, your lucky you are adorable. Promise me you won't roll your eyes at me when I say nice things to you. I mean every single word. You really have a talent," she confirmed.

While I nodded to acknowledge her words, I closed my eyes. It was the only way I could avoid her penetrating glare.

Ashley followed by capturing my lips in hers with the kind of passion that made my entire body tingle after she pulled away.

"Come home with me," my teacher commanded. Being the good student and eager learner that I was, I did as instructed.

Ashley was driving like a maniac in front of me, but I managed to follow her back to her loft. Ashley walked over to my car as I parked in a vacant guest spot.

"I want to apologize in advance for Kyla. She's been a total freak lately. She graduated Saturday and she doesn't know what she wants to do with her life and she needs a job before her birthday in two months. It's like the past six years of college and changing majors repeatedly meant nothing," Ashley said dryly.

"Wait. Not to sound completely ignorant, but isn't it kind of unnecessary for both of you to be working?" I asked.

"I wish. Our father is a cruel genius. He gave us until we were 23 to have access to our trust money with no conditions. But then we need to have a job to continue to receive payments," she explained simply.

"Is that why you teach guitar?" I continued to probe, hoping she wasn't totally insulted by my curiosity.

We reached her door and she paused, before offering an explanation. "Yes and no. I mean, don't get me wrong. I look forward to the first of the month and seeing that direct deposit hit my checking account. Especially with my clothing addiction, but I like the idea of teaching. I sucked at school and I hated it. Music was the only thing that kept me involved. I hope that in some way I can play a part in that for someone else."

I pulled her close to me, because she was always taking my expectations and blowing them away. "You amaze me," I breathed.

I kissed her with every ounce of feeling I had for her, hoping I could return the favor from earlier tonight. There was nothing more that I wanted to do than make her weak in the knees because the way I felt for her was conveyed with my kiss. My mind was swirling with how easy it was for me to feel this way with her.

"Wow," she whispered after I pulled away. She rested her forehead on mine. "Remind me why we are taking it slow?"

I laughed before offering my response, "Because when we decide to take it to the next level, I sure as hell don't want Kyla around to hear me scream your name, Ms. Davies."


	27. Chapter 27: Blindfold

A/N: Sorry for slowing my pace a little. I was posting like a maniac before, but I kind of hit a little slump. I'm not so in love with my writing at the moment, so the last few chapters have been a struggle for me. Also, I've had some other ideas for the development of the story pop into my head that I have to write before I forget. Because of all of this and the fact that I don't want the story to be a million words long, I might skip foward in time so I can string everything together without being completely tedious in my story-telling.

"Okay weirdo. I'm here, sitting in my car in front of your place at nine thirty on a Friday night like a total stalker," I said into my cell phone, imagining what my crazy, but stunningly hot date was making me wait for.

"Well hello to you too, smarmy. Can you put Spencer on the phone? But seriously, you may not want to give me the attitude when you see what I have planned. I'll be right out," Ashley rattled and hung up immediately.

Ashley was practically skipping on her way to my car with a goofy looking grin on her face. My mock annoyance was melted away the second I laid eyes on her. I had no clue what she was up to, but I could tell I was going to like it. I opened the door and exited my vehicle to meet her.

"Hey sexy, wanna come inside?" she asked with raised eyebrows.

"I dunno. What's in there?" I teased and gave her a kiss hello.

Ashley pretended to think before announcing, "A hot brunette. And that's all I'm saying cuz it's a surprise."

She reached into the back pocket of her jeans and pulled out a bandana, dangling it in front of my face.

"Oooh. Kyla's here?" I shot back. Surprises always made me very nervous, so I turned to my natural defense: sarcasm.

In response, Ashley smacked my butt. "Are you just using me to get to my sister? Because I have news for you. She doesn't play for our team."

I pulled her close and shot back, "That's not what she told me last night," complete with a mischievous smirk.

"Oh my God! I was going to use this on your eyes, but I'm thinking I might want to use it on your mouth instead," she exclaimed, breaking from my arms and waving the bandana.

"Baby, if you put it over my mouth, then we can't do this," I said, drawing her back so I could press my lips against hers.

"Good point," she admitted as I pulled away. "Unfortunately, I sent Kyla away this weekend. I guess you'll just have to settle for me," she said.

Blackness took over as Ashley tightened the bandana around my eyes. It was a little too tight, my guess is that it was punishment for the comments about Kyla. I felt Ashley's hands wrap around my shoulders and she led me to her door.

"That's like saying I'm settling for a Monet at a garage sale," I retorted.

I felt her break away from me and I stood there listening as I tried to figure out what she was up to. My attention shift quickly when her fingers snaked around my abdomen and chills began to radiate from under her touch. She pulled me back into her and I felt her curves against my back. With a light rustle, she had swept my hair to the side and kissed my newly exposed neck.

"You are the sexiest dork I know," she whispered into my ear.

"Are you going to insult me at your doorstep all night long or are you going to let me in? I want to see this surprise you have for me."

"Fine," she pouted. "You're lucky I can't say no to you."

I heard the creak of the door as Ashley opened it and led me inside. Instantly, I smelled vanilla and a faint trace of sulfur. "Candles?" I asked as she continued to steer me through her loft.

Silence was the only response to my question as Ashley stopped me in place. Next, I felt her hands on my head as she loosened my banana and lowered it from my line of sight. As she slid it from my face, I found myself staring into those deep brown eyes that never ceased to take my breath away.

"Hey gorgeous," I said with a smile.

She stepped aside and I took in the sight of her bedroom lit only by groups of white candles. Their shadows danced on the wall, flickering with enough light for me to be able to make out the rest of the room. On her bed, I noticed white rose petals scattered on her bedspread and a wicker basket resting in the center.

As I continued to take in my surroundings, Ashley explained, "You gave me a fantastic idea on Wednesday at your lesson. So I know you've been working hard, getting used to your new job. I'm sure it's stressful and I figured you could use a massage."

"You are my favorite person in the whole world right now," I said.

Ashley scanned me from head to toe and added, "Plus, now I have an excuse for you to take off your shirt. Hurry up and get that cute little ass of yours in my bed!"

I did as instructed, taking my shirt off on the way. Authoritative Ashley was extremely sexy. I took off my shoes and hopped onto her bed, moving the basket to the side. I pulled the hair tie from my wrist and put my hair into a loose bun, so Ashley would have full access to my back.

Ashley sauntered towards the bed and I laid on my stomach with my eyes closed in preparation for her arrival. The bed shifted underneath me as she climbed on. Then, I felt the weight of her as she straddled my thighs. Ashley unscrewed the top of the oil and I felt the coolness of it as it dripped onto my lower back. As I wiggled underneath her at the cold sensation on my skin, she let out a chuckle.

"Sorry," she said softly and placed a kiss on the back of my neck.

She unclasped my bra with nimble fingers and I inhaled sharply at the feeling of her removing my under garments. Tentatively, Ashley dipped her index and middle fingers into the pool of oil that settled along my spine and pushed it upwards. Soon, my back was slick with the oil as she coated me under the long strokes of her palms.

Everything about her touch was sensual and she managed to combine the right amount of pressure and tenderness while she worked out my knots. This massage was meant as a way for me to relax, but I was far too distracted by how turned on I was to be relaxed.

Under her knuckles, the muscles in my back stretched like taffy. Her digits pressed into the right spots and caused me to moan more times than I could count. Pleasure and pain were blending into a harmony that I never thought possible. The more she touched me, I realized I was all kinds of hers and only hers.

Ashley finished my massage with kisses to my shoulder blades, before taking my hands and massaging them too. After a second of her breaking away, I felt a light and cool pressure on the top of my palm, but my brain was too much mush to figure out what it was.

Once she had finished, she clasped my bra and I rose slowly, trying to revive myself from the trance she had me under. Ashley was kneeling on the bed, rubbing the oil from her hands into her forearms.

"Thank you, that was amazing," I said, lucky that I could even speak after that massage.

I looked down at the top of my left hand and noticed there was a little **A** above the web where my thumb and index finger met.

"What's this?" I questioned, knowing full well what it was meant to be. But I needed to hear her say it.

"Just a little something so you remember me," she answered.

I scooted towards her on the bed and said, "You are on my mind far too much to merit a the need for a reminder. But I love it."

I stopped speaking abruptly after that as I realized my word selection. My heart started beating at how quickly I had let the L word just slip right off my tongue. I knew I was falling for her, but I wanted to wait before I told her how I felt. Things were still new between us and I wanted to make sure when I said it, she'd be right there echoing it back to me. In the meantime, I couldn't just throw around love like it was an old baseball. Picking up on my hesitancy, Ashley reached out for my hands.

"Spence, I know we are trying to take things slow, but I want you to know…what I'm trying to say is…" Ashley trailed off.

The expression hanging on every word she said could not have been more true at this moment. I felt like I was tied by a noose with every pause, every syllable. I stopped breathing while I waited for her to finish.

"I want you all to myself. I want you to be my girlfriend," she finished.

As soon as I registered the words from her mouth, my Ashley induced perma-grin was covering my face. In a stupor, I nervously admitted, "I kinda thought I already was. There is nobody else, Ash. Only you."

Before I could even finish the sentence, Ashley charged at me and had me on my back. She peppered me with heated kisses. My lips were needing another fix of Ashley and it didn't take long before things started getting hot. I was already wearing next to nothing and Ashley took full advantage of that as her mouth discovered the landscape of my body. I was lost in the warmth of her lips on my skin as she explored my stomach. Her tongue was wet and smooth as she playfully ran it around my belly button. I gasped when her hands found my breasts and set into motion a chain reaction of lust. Starting from the skin under her fingers to my brain, it continued until every square inch of my body was begging me to give into her expertise.

"Take off your shirt," I demanded as she was busy distributing kisses along my collarbone.

Ashley shot up, frozen at my command. Her mouth was slightly parted, as if she wanted to say something, but didn't want to destroy our reality with words.

"It's your turn for a massage," I clarified.

Every fiber of my being was telling my brain not to say those words, but I had already said them in a brief and fleeting moment of strength. It was too late to take them back. If I thought liking Ashley was torture before when we weren't even touching, I had no clue. This was starting to get even a little too painful, even for me.

Ashley toppled over onto the bed, breathless. "You are killing me. My body is telling me I want more and it keeps getting harder and harder to stop," she said, staring up at the ceiling fan as it rotated lazily above us.

"I know, for me too," I concurred. "It's just when it happens, I want it to be a big deal."

She nodded, then peeled off her shirt and laid face down on the bed. Her bra was still hooked and my hands hovered over the fastening. Ashley sighed lightly as I grazed the skin under the clasp and unhooked it. I got my revenge with the cold oil as I let it drip onto her back without warming it in my hands first. She didn't seem to mind, though. As I worked on her back, her breathing became deeper and deeper. I peered at her face and concluded it was either a really good massage or a really bad one, because she was passed out cold after half an hour. I lifted my hands from her waist and began to rub the oil into my skin, while watching her sleep.

"Done already?" she questioned, poking an eye open.

"Oh, I thought you were sleeping," I said placing my hands back onto the small of her back and continued my work.

"No, don't stop. Even if there's snoring and you see a big puddle of drool under my mouth," she commanded.

I continued to rub long strokes up and down her back, while I contemplated a response. "Are we already at the place in our relationship where it's okay to say things like that to one another?"

"What, my drool is sexy!" she mumbled as I pressed my palms into her muscles. The pressure elicited a moan from her and I was thoroughly enjoying the fact that my hands were responsible for those noises from her.

"Not as sexy as that moan," I countered and began to scatter kisses along her spine and followed it with, "But I'm sure if anybody can make drool sexy, it would be you."

I tried my best to massage her for as long as my fingers could bear. As I caressed her back up to her neck and shoulders, I leaned forward slowly and let my hands run down her arms. My front was now completely pressed against her back as continued to run my hands until they found hers. I linked her fingers with mine, needing the contact of her skin on mine to be never-ending. I stayed like that, drawing in the scent of her hair and placed a kiss on her cheek. Reluctantly, I pulled back up so I could continue the massage of her hands. I eyed the pen she had used to write her initial on my hand and decided I wanted to brand her too. I placed her left palm face down and drew an **S** on the outside of the bottom of her knuckle on her ring finger. That way, when she was playing a chord on the guitar tomorrow at a lesson, everyone would see it.

When I finished, she brought her hand up to her line of sight to inspect my handiwork and said knowingly, "I love it."


	28. Chapter 28: Muse

It was just another Tuesday night and Ashley and I were in my bed, asleep. Well, one of us was. I was still wide awake. As much as I was comforted by the feeling of her body next to mine, I was having a hard time falling asleep tonight. It probably had something to do with the fact that I was falling in love with her.

The more I let my mind wander with the journey I'd been on with her since we met and how I felt, I was overcome with the need to make sense of all of this. I glanced over at her, knowing she was a fairly heavy sleeper and slid out from under the covers.

Stumbling through my apartment in the dark, I managed to make it into the living room without knocking anything over or making any noise. Once inside the living room, I located the book where I started the song I was working on and picked up my guitar from it's stand in the corner. Quietly, I slid the door to the patio and sat down on the chair with the guitar in hand. I flipped through the pages of my notebook until I came across the familiar words I wrote.

Grabbing my pen from the spiral binding, I began to spew out words, filling the page faster than I anticipated. It could use a little editing, but I'd worry about that later. Right now, my fingers needed to move.

Tucked under the strings was my pick, so I dislodged it and tried to strike some chords in the form of a melody. This was the hard part. No matter how much I tried, something wasn't quite right. My capo was still clasped to the head, so I loosened it and placed it on the first fret.

Changing the pitch seemed to change everything. Things were coming together and I was able to pick which words needed to go where, when I heard the sliding door scraping against rubber as it opened behind me.

My fingers stopped playing and I turned to look at my intruder.

"What are you doing out here Spence? It's two in the morning and you've got to work in the morning," Ashley reminded me groggily.

She shuffled her way to me, and I stared in awe of her moonlit beauty. Even in boy shorts and a wife beater, she was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen.

"I know. I couldn't sleep, so I came out here to let my mind loose," I explained.

She peered over my shoulder at the book where I was writing my song. Out of nervous embarrassment, I shut it quickly. It wasn't finished and I was certainly not ready for her to see or hear it yet.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to be nosey," she remarked and sat down in the chair across the table from me.

"No, it's okay. It's just that it needs some work still," I clarified.

She gave me a smile and gazed up to the star filled sky. At least I assume it was star filled, you can never see too many in Los Angeles. Here, stars only exist on Hollywood Boulevard or on studio lots.

"Is that your song your working on?" she asked as a way to make casual conversation, not taking her eyes of the heavens. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around it. In that moment, I found myself even falling in love with her. Even the simple mannerisms she displayed could slow my beating heart. It was all part of the Ashley Davies package.

"Yeah," I acknowledged quietly. It was still uncomfortable for me to talk about for some reason. I felt like I had been caught with my hand in the cookie jar. Maybe it was because I was busy pouring my heart and soul into this song for her. I scanned the skies above to see what was captivating her attention, but ultimately decided my view of her was much better.

She stood up from the chair and stretched before making her way over to my side. "I am going back to bed, Spence."

"Okay," I replied as I debated whether or not to go back to bed with her. I began to set the guitar down so I could get up when I felt her hand on my wrist.

"No, stay," she commanded. "Finish. I understand how important this is. I'll be right in there when you're done."

To validate her point, she kissed the top of my head. She turned and made her way back into the apartment, closing the door behind her.

That little interaction was all I needed to finish writing my first song. It was almost three by the time I crawled back into bed with Ashley. Immediately, she reached out to me and pulled me into her arms. In the dark, I searched and found lips of my muse and turned my mind off for a few hours, finally able to go to sleep.


	29. Chapter 29: Lunch Break

Having Saturdays off was the second best thing that happened in my life recently, right after Ashley. Unfortunately, her job kept her from being able to waste away our Saturdays together like I would have preferred. At least not having her around as my distraction gave me the opportunity to do some much needed apartment shopping. It was already two and I was dying to get away from the creepy landlord at the apartment I was in, where I had been trapped in for much too long. My phone started to ring, so I excused myself and walked out of earshot.

"Hey baby," I answered my phone after seeing it was Ashley.

"Hey Spence. What are you up to?" she asked.

"Looking for a new apartment and it's less fun than it sounds. What are you doing? Shouldn't you be working?" I countered.

"I just started my lunch break. My next lesson is at three. Come see me!" she squealed.

Not only is my girlfriend adorable, she also has impeccable timing. Now I had an exit strategy that didn't involve me climbing out the bathroom window after the suspected pervert landlord locks me in there.

"I'll be there in ten," I beamed loud enough so that the landlord could hear.

Much to the dismay of the sketchy property manager, I made my escape soon after. When I rolled up to the music store, Ashley was sitting on the bench out front eating a sandwich.

"Find an apartment yet or am I going to have a homeless girlfriend?" she joked as I strolled up to her.

"I have some possibilities, but I promise to give you a ride in my shopping cart if all else fails," I said and sat down next to her.

"I'm glad you came," she revealed between bites of her sandwich.

"Me too. Is it okay for you to be fraternizing with your students outside of class?" I wondered aloud. I looked around inside the music store to see if anyone was noticing us, sitting a little too close or staring a little too long at each other.

Ashley swallowed the last bite of her sandwich before she exclaimed, "Only the hot ones!"

"Seriously, Ash. I don't want to get you in trouble, but I had to at least see you," I admitted.

I rested my hand on the bench and leaned back to take in the sun. Ashley placed her hand next to mine and linked her pinky between my ring finger and pinky. I sighed at the feeling of her skin on mine and how it warmed me more than the sunlight I was feeling on my face. Casually, I looked over and saw our hands and noticed she continued to re-ink the **S **on her ring finger. The sight of it made me want to have my way with her right there and then on that bench.

"Relax, Spence. It's not a big deal that your here. I already told my boss about us," Ashley divulged.

"You told your boss?" I repeated in surprise, sitting up carefully so I wouldn't break contact with our locked fingers.

"Yeah. Is that okay?" she asked nervously and continued before I could respond, "Well it's not like I killed somebody, Spence. Besides, the owner Clay, is a friend of mine from when I was in the band. He's seen me pretty messed up and took a chance on hiring me, so he knows me well enough to know that if I'm telling him, it's pretty important to me."

"Ashley...Breathe. It's more than okay that you told him. You just made my day. Now I think it's my turn to return the favor. How about if I cook you dinner tonight?"

She gave me a big toothy smile at the offer and agreed, "Okay, but only if you come over and cook for me at my place. Kyla is still in Vegas this weekend with college friends. Her and her wolf pack are probably in search of strippers and cocaine. She won't be back until tomorrow morning, so we'll have the place to ourselves."

"Deal," I said with a matching grin.

We both sat there lost in thought for a moment. I had no clue what I was going to make for dinner, but we'd figure that out after Ashley got out of work. I was mentally going through the catalog of recipes that I knew and wondering if I could call my dad for suggestions, when Ashley interrupted my meal planning.

"Shit. I forgot I told Chelsea I was going to meet her out for drinks tonight," Ashley confessed.

"Oh," I replied unable to conceal the ache in my voice as I thought about how I wasn't going to be able to see her later. "I guess I can see what Madison is up to tonight."

Ashley moved her hand so that she slowly linked all her fingers with mine, picking up on my disappointment. "That doesn't change our dinner plans. And you know I want you to come with me later when I go out with Chelsea. Sean will probably be there too, so you two can talk shop. Hell, I'm feeling generous, so go ahead and invite Madison too. I hate to admit it, but I miss that crazy bitch."

I laughed nervously at the combination of my insecurity and her admission about Madison. A few weeks prior, I never would have thought Ashley would have feelings for Madison other than hostility.

"That's not a bad idea," I agreed. "I kinda miss her too and she's not even gone yet. I can't believe she's moving out next weekend."

Not that it really mattered anyways. Most nights I spent at Ashley's and on the few I slept at home, I rarely saw her. But it was still an end to an era for me and Mads.

"Well, you better find a place soon. You have to be out in three weeks," Ashley reminded me. "I'm not going to lie Spence. I'd prefer if you didn't pick me up for our dates in your shopping cart."

"Whatever. You will love my shopping cart. It can't be worse that moving back in the rents," I concluded.

It was true. I still hadn't told my parents about Ashley and I, because I was worried about how they would react. My dad wasn't the one I was too worried about. I once backed my dad's car into the mailbox when I was sixteen and he saw the whole thing and didn't stop mowing the lawn. Finally, when he finished, he just shook his head and told me we better get to Home Depot before it closes so we could replace the mailbox.

On the other hand, my mom was a completely different story. She's still been bringing up Patrick in our conversations and I'm not confident that me falling in love with a girl qualifies as acceptable behavior to her. Needless to say, moving back in with my parents would really put the brakes on my relationship with Ashley.

"True," Ashley concurred finally shaking me from my thoughts.

I checked my watch and saw that she didn't have too much time left before she had to work.

"I will let you get back to work," I reluctantly said and stood up from the bench. Ashley grabbed her paper bag with her trash and stood up with me.

"Here," she commanded, thrusting a set of keys into my hand.

"What are these for?" I asked as I stared at them in my hand.

"How else are you supposed to have dinner waiting for me when I get home?" she shot back. "You can raid my cabinets, and there's a Whole Foods like a mile from my house in case you need any supplies."

I was actually kind of relieved I wouldn't have to make the drive back home, so I didn't protest.

Ashley gave me a quick peck on the cheek and whispered in my ear, "I can't wait to see you later, Spence. The next three and a half hours are going to be the longest of my life."

How did she know I am such a sucker for a sweet talker? This girl better be ready for some brownies tonight, because she was so getting them after that comment.


	30. Chapter 30: Spencer's Breaking Point

A/N: I'm digging my way out of this fluff hole, but not before this last dose of fluff. Then more teasing. Then some smut. Then some more fluff. Then, who knows? It should be a fun little stretch of the roller coaster for everyone!

It was a strange feeling, letting myself into Ashley's loft without her around. I smiled as I let myself in and thought that maybe someday that would be a common occurrence. I know I was getting a little ahead of myself, but I learned that when it comes to Ashley, I had zero control over where my thoughts led me.

I ran my fingers over the cherry top of the table in the entryway, using the intimate object to ground myself to this place where Ashley's energy was surrounding me. After a few moments, I recovered from the sensation that I was an intruder in her space and began to take uneasy steps into the kitchen. Along the way, I saw a picture frame filled with photos of Kyla and Ashley. I stopped to admire my love in every snapshot in the frame.

As a kid, she like to ham it up for the camera with her gap toothed smile. I wondered if things had been different, if we would have been friends growing up. After studying the images of her childhood, I continued into the kitchen, searching the fridge and her cabinets for the ingredients I would need. My list of necessities grew, prompting me to create a list for my venture to the grocery store.

As I thought about my plans for cooking tonight, I couldn't shake the images of Ashley and Kyla from my mind. I started my car and navigated towards the direction of Whole Foods, but continued driving past it until I ended up at my place.

I rushed over to my computer and printed out my favorite picture of us at the beach that I had captured a few weeks ago. Before getting my grocery shopping done, I stopped at a little shop and picked out a frame and a gift bag. By the time I finished getting the groceries and got back to Ashley's, I only had an hour and a half before she was going to be back home.

The weather was gorgeous and I was in the mood to grill, so I decided on making kabobs. Preparation was just a matter of cutting everything up and letting it marinade for a bit. Then, I set to making the batter for the brownies. I went outside and lit the grill and decided that it was the kind of day to let in some fresh air When I went back in, I turned off the air conditioning and opened the windows. I helped myself to Ashley's computer so I could listen to music and started dancing around barefoot as I set the table. I arranged the tulips I bought into a vase on the table and began to light some tea lights around the vase.

"Oh my God. It smells amazing in here," she said. She placed her purse on the table and continued, "And it looks so beautiful. You outdid yourself, Spence."

She eyed the table I had set with flowers and candles before strolling over to me and wrapping her arms around my neck. I let out a contented sigh at the feeling of her touch, and she stopped it by brushing her lips against mine before drawing me in to deepen the kiss. Her tongue slid along my lower lip and immediately found it's way into my mouth. I could barely stand upright as she shattered my expectations every time with her unwavering intensity. My tongue fought to keep pace with her as she melted my every thought and weaved me under her spell.

We both began to retreat, breathlessly. The oxygen I inhaled was barely able to put out one of the flames that were burning inside of me.

"Hi," I said, unable to come up with any other appropriate words.

My brain finally started to return to some semblance of coherency as we stayed in an embrace, just staring at one another.

"Hi," Ashley repeated and I smiled at the fact that I may have just left her as tongue tied as she had with me.

"I should check the grill. How much would it suck if I burned dinner?" I asked.

"It wouldn't be the worst thing that ever happened. I guess we'd just have to eat the brownies you made, then."

"How did you know I made brownies?" I asked in shock. They were still in the oven, with only a few minutes left to cook.

Ashley freed herself from my embrace so she could peek inside the oven and replied, "Because you spoil me and you know how much I love these brownies." she returned.

"Yeah, well I guess that makes me pretty predictable then. I'll have to think of a way to shake it up while I'm outside. Keep an eye on the brownies and I'll be right back," I said, slipping out the door to check on the grill with the tongs in my hand.

"Predictability is just one of the many things I like about you," she retorted as I shut the door, making me smile.

Leave it to Ashley think my lack of spontaneity was a likeable trait. It was laughable, seeing as the most spontaneous thing I'd ever done led me to her. While I got everything of the skewers and onto the serving plate, I contemplated about what unexpected thing I could do tonight to see if I could change her mind about that. When I finally thought of my plans for tonight, an evil smirk crossed my face and stayed there until I made eye contact with Ashley upon entering the kitchen.

She didn't notice my diabolical stares at her as she slid on the oven mitts. Proudly, she pulled the brownies out of the oven and set them on the cooling rack.

"Can you put these on the table and I'll be right out?" I asked and handed over the plate to her.

I pulled the wine from the fridge and poured us a couple of glasses, setting it on the table in front of her.

"Thank you," she said before taking a sip.

Dinner was good. Or it could have been horrible. I had no idea because I couldn't stop thinking about Ashley and my evilly delicious plans for her. We cleared the table and washed the bowl that had held the brownie batter and a few things that couldn't go in the dish washer. Ashley made a comment about how we should get ready for tonight, since we were supposed to meet Chelsea at nine.

"Wait, before you start getting ready I have something else for you," I said.

My heart was racing. It was the first time I had really gotten something for her and I hoped she would like it. I pulled the bag from under the table and set it on the counter while she finished drying the bowl.

She looked at me, surprised. "Spence, you shouldn't have," she mumbled.

"It's nothing major, just a little something," I tried to brush off her resistance.

Her fingers grazed the tissue paper and she pulled them from the bag, before reaching in and locating the picture frame. Her eyes shifted from it to me and she set it on the counter so she could pull me into a kiss.

"I love it," she declared. "Thank you for everything. This night could have not been more perfect."

My lips were tingling in anticipation of feeling hers again, so I did my best to make the night more perfect. I wanted more of her and I was at the point where I was ready to start taking it, but I needed Ashley's permission first . My resolve was slowly being chipped away at whenever I had to stop. Before I knew it, we were on the couch and I was on top of Ashley, our hands wandering over each others bodies with abandon.

Between our kisses I whimpered, "Ash, I don't know how much longer I can stop myself. I can keep trying, but I want you like I've never wanted anybody."

My face hovered above hers as I tried to read her. I got lost in her eyes again, forgetting why I bothered in the first place.

Finally, Ashley nodded slowly. "I know what you mean. From the second I saw you, it just keeps building. It scares me how badly I want you."

With that, I slowly pulled myself from her body and slumped into a seated position on the couch. Ashley rose up after me and said with a grin, "I don't know about you, but I could use a cold shower."

I just nodded, making up my mind that going out with her tonight meant that this would be the last time I'd have to settle for a cold shower.


	31. Chapter 31: Red Light Game

A/N: Okay, back to a nice long chapter since you've all been continually awesome and encouraging in my little slump. This would be a good time to warn you that it's about to get really hot...hopefully if I do my job right. So if you can't stand the heat, skip to the next chapter?

As hard as it was for Ashley and me to pull ourselves away from our cold showers, we agreed we had to at least make an appearance. If we kept it up, we would become that anti-social couple that everyone hates. The good news is that since Ashley is officially my girlfriend, I can drink again in public places, which means tonight she is my designated driver. No more having to worry about saying something inappropriate or winding up in a passionate lip lock, because those are now some of perks of being together.

Ashley had told Chelsea to meet us back at the bar where we met after her show last month. As usual, on the patio there were tables scattered and tiki torches lighting up the area. All night long, I had been teasing her with my touch or words and then slowly retreating, purposely trying to leave her wanting more. We had been here for an hour and a half and I was still working on my first drink, when I noticed Ashley staring at me as Madison talked to her and Sean. It wasn't a help get me out of here look like she normally had when she was left alone with Madison. It was a I want to do bad things to you look. It was the kind of look that made me both wet instantly and satisfied that my evil plan was working.

Chelsea was still talking to me about her next art exhibit and I was genuinely happy for her, but found myself not paying attention. I kept thinking about Ashley naked in bed and how I was prepared to show her just how spontaneous I could be.

"Spencer…hello?" Chelsea asked waving a hand in front of my glazed over eyes. It was the only thing that brought me back to reality, albeit awkwardly.

"Sorry, Chels. I must have zoned out there for a while."

She laughed and replied, "It's okay. Do you think you and Ash can make it to the opening night at my showing next month?"

"Absolutely. We wouldn't miss it for the world. It means so much that you want us to see your work!" I said, now able to convey one hundred percent of my support for her career...momentarily.

"Well, it means a lot to me that you want to come and see it. Now, get the hell out of here and take your girlfriend home. Whatever is going on between you two, needs to be taken care of now!"

She gently pushed my shoulder as I gave a shocked, "What?"

"Please, you looked like you were going to maul her, Spencer. It was obvious that you were thinking of only doing very bad things to Ash the whole time we were talking," she explained.

I dropped my head into my open heads, shaking my head in embarrassment. I knew Ashley had told Chelsea about us, but I was still not prepared for being called out on my not so subtle attempt at seduction.

"I'm so sorry, Chelsea," I choked.

"Don't apologize to me, girl. Just go on and get yours!"

I slapped her playfully on the forearm and we said our goodbyes. Striding up to Ashley, I couldn't help but smile as her face lit up with my approach. Sean also noticed me approaching and took it as his opportunity to escape to Chelsea. I stole his vacant chair next to Ashley and drew it closer to her.

Madison was talking incessantly about how much she hated her internship, probably because it meant she actually had to be bossed around for a change. Subtly, I rolled my eyes towards Ash and she stifled a laugh. Madison kept talking and seemed to never even pause for a breath. I didn't want to be rude, but Ashley was lightly tracing her fingers on the small of my back and I couldn't wait for much longer.

I rested my hand on her kneecap and began to write my name on her bare skin with my index finger. Finally, there was a break for a moment while Madison punched at her ice in the bottom of her drink. I was mid pull in my beer, so Ashley took advantage of the silence.

"Who wants to have Sex with Ed tonight?" she asked with eyebrows raised, before taking a sip of her water.

As tempting as the offer was, I didn't need alcohol to deter me from my goal tonight.

"Nope, I think I want to have sex with Ashley tonight instead," I whispered into her ear.

She choked on her water at my reply. Pretending not to notice her reaction, I glanced back over at Madison who was still waving off the offer for shots.

"I am still hungover from last night. No shots for me," Madison said before starting into conversation again.

Returning my focus to my plan for Ashley, I scanned our surroundings. The table hung over Ashley and I enough to act as my cover while I worked up the courage to be the kind of girl I was told never to be growing up. Too bad for Old Spencer: it was not her night.

With a renewed sense of purpose, I ran my fingers up the inside of her leg. Ashley inhaled sharply as my fingers reached her apex and lingered over her underwear. At that moment I was thankful she chose to wear a skirt tonight and that Madison was completely oblivious. As I continued to tease her mercilessly, her hand found mine and pulled it away discreetly. My fingers didn't even have the chance to rest before they were already on the move back up her leg. Madison continued to talk, so I leaned in, brushing my lips against her ear and taunted, "Remember before we were together what you said to me as we were leaving this bar?"

She had a puzzled look on her face as she thought back to that night. "About not wanting to go home to an empty bed?"

"That's it. I was just thinking that we really need to make up for some lost time," I replied.

"If I remember correctly, I got you into my bed that night," she reminded me as a devilish smirk crossed her face, trying to maintain her cool.

Just then, my hand reached her panties again and she squirmed under my touch for as long as she could bear. My victory was silent as she grabbed my occupied hand from under her skirt and pulled me off the chair. Madison was left in mid-sentence with a bewildered expression on her face. Dragging me behind, Ashley frantically said her goodbye's. I barely remained upright as I tripped over my own feet on the way out. Sean gave me a knowing look and Chelsea just laughed as Ashley pulled me past them on the way to the car.

Ashley let go of my hand half way to the car to start digging in her purse for the keys. By the time we were at the Escape, she still hadn't found them and let out a frustrated, "Fuck!"

She slammed her purse on the hood to get a better view inside and I laughed inwardly. I grabbed her shoulder and threw her against the driver's side door and kissed her passionately. Seperating my lips from hers, I pulled her bottom lip between my teeth lightly. I began my trail of kisses down her neck and she leaned back to give me full access. My hands wandered all over her stomach, wanting to dive into the skin hidden under her underwear. She responded by grabbing my hips and thrusting me into her body. I groaned at the contact between our bodies. I knew if I didn't pull away, I'd end up fucking her in the backseat of my car and that was not at all what I wanted. Tonight, I was running out of patience and strength, but figured I had just enough to make it back to her place.

So, I gave a quick raise of my knee between her spread legs, letting her moan into the side of my neck before I took a step back. Even in the dark parking lot, I could see the lust in her eyes. Still trying to catch my breath, I pulled the keys from my jacket pocket, letting the ring hang off my curled index finger.

"Looking for these?" I asked.

She looked like I just slapped her and for a second I felt really guilty about getting her so worked up. But I was convinced the horniness I had been experiencing over the past few hours had destroyed some brain cells and decided it wasn't my fault.

"You're so gonna pay for that later," she hissed and stomped off to the passengers side, swiping her purse off the hood.

"You promise?" I said and couldn't hold back my laughter any more. With that, she sulked as she crashed into her seat. I wasn't sure how I ended up as the driver, but figured me driving with half a beer was still better than Ashley driving stone cold sober.

On the drive back to her place, Ashley made good on her word to make me pay…repeatedly. At the first red light, she shifted the car into park and proceeded to make out with me, tracing her fingers along the inside of my thigh. She kept one eye on the traffic signal and when it turned green, innocently asked me, " Why aren't you going?"

The car behind me honked, finally shaking me out of my lust filled daze. I fumbled to get the car in drive and squealed the tires as I hit the gas. I kept my hand so firmly clenched to the shifter, my knuckles were starting to turn white. I saw Ashley glance over at me, looking for signs of weakness, I'm sure. I could feel her planning her next move and the suspense was killing me. I decided that spontaneity was only my strong suit when I was in control and then I realized that I needed a new word for spontaneity.

Fortunately for me, at the second intersection we reached a green light. I began to accelerate into my turn, which caused Ashley to flop around in her seat a little. Now I was beginning to drive like her, too and I couldn't help the smile on my face.

The third intersection I wasn't so lucky and I eased off the gas and tapped the brakes as the light switched from amber to red. I rolled up to the crosswalk and didn't bother to look over in her direction. I heard the click of her seatbelt unlocking and felt her breath hot against my neck.

"I can't wait to feel you moan into my neck just like this," she said and sighed against my skin. "I'm already wet just thinking about the things I'm going to do with you tonight," she purred seductively into my ear. She wasn't the only one. She lightly flicked my earlobe with her tongue while her hands roamed over my chest. The light was still red as sat back confidently in her seat, leaving me breathless for more.

I stared at the light, trying to will it with my mind to change to green. It didn't. There were no cars in sight and I really needed to get home so I could ravage my girlfriend. I carefully looked both ways, and did a burnout from the red light as I prayed there was no cops around to see my transgression. The last thing I needed was to be delayed another thirty minutes and given a ticket.

From the corner of my eye, Ashley pursed her lips to keep her smile contained. Two green lights in a row made me feel like I was the recipient of some very good kharma. The whole time I tried to completely avoid eye contact with Ashley. Too bad my mind filled with dirty thoughts couldn't ignore her.

One more light to make it through and I was in the clear. My heartbeat began to speed up in anticipation for what was coming. This time, the light was already red. Ashley didn't waste any time and before I even reached the light, she began grazing my stomach with her fingers. Her barely there touch sent chills through my entire body. I stopped fighting it and closed my eyes, taking in the feeling of her skin on mine. The slight calluses on her fingertips from playing guitar. The swirling motion she was hypnotizing me with. She knew exactly how to touch me in a way that could give me what I wanted and she could leave me wanting more all too easily. Another sigh slipped out of my mouth and I popped open my right eye and saw Ashley was looking at me with a sense of satisfaction like she'd won. Nah, if at the end of the day, if she's sitting next to me, then I'm the winner.

At that thought, another uncontrollable goofy smile crept over my face, causing Ashley to pout. Apparently, that wasn't the reaction she was trying to elicit. This red light was taking forever! She stopped sulking, clearly refocused on her gameplan and ready to make me pay for my ridiculous grin. Her hands crept to the waistline of my skirt, lightly grazing the lace at the top of my underwear. I fought to keep my eyes open and my mouth shut. I had to bite my lip to hold back the moan threatening to escape.

"You feeling okay, Spence?" she teased as she dove her hand down further caressing the outside of my underwear. The layer of cotton that separated us was about as thin as my patience. This time, I was far too distracted to consider running the red light.

"Mmm hmm," I murmured as I bucked forward wanting more, but instead my seatbelt stopped me. My head slammed back into the head rest and Ashley pinned me back into it with a series of hot kisses.

While diving her tongue into my mouth, Ashley continued to slide her fingers up and down the outside of my panties, lingering over where my nerves were throbbing in anticipation of her touch. Her kiss stopped, but she kept her hands working as she leaned back towards her seat. Her eyes never left mine and without speaking, we let each other know how ready we both were for tonight. Green light finally reflected into my vision and Ashley completely retreated her hands to her side of the car. With the last bit of strength I could muster, I hit the accelerator and made it the remaining three blocks to her loft. I'm pretty sure I took up two spaces when I parked the car. Fuck Kyla, she'll have to walk.

I was still completely flustered and tried to exit the car without taking off my seatbelt first. My fingers fumbled as they tried to remove me from my shackles. Ashley had already made her way to my side of the car as I was slamming the door behind me. She pushed me into the car, hard. It hurt a little, but I was so turned on I didn't care.

She locked her arms on either side of my shoulders but didn't make any contact with my body. She just stood there giving me the once over.

"Ash," I whimpered as I reached my breaking point for real this time. There was something completely primal about that moment when you realize that there's only one thing that can stop this longing. I leaned forward, needing to feel Ashley's body against mine, but she stopped me with her outstretched hand. This time she lightly pushed me back against the car.

"Spence?" she questioned innocently.

"Yeah?" I said raising an eyebrow, hoping she was going to tell me to get inside.

"Promise me you'll never tease me like that again, because this can go on all night," she hushedly threatened.

As I thought about the possibility of suffering more at her hands, I tried to swallow, but my mouth was completely dry. "Promise," I hoarsely choked out.

The words barely had left my lips when I felt hers fill the space they were needed. Her kisses were no longer playful, no longer serving to tease me. She let me know she wanted me as much as I had been wanting her too. Her tongue probed deep and slowly into my mouth and I responded in kind. There was no space for air and breathing wasn't necessary. Her body crashed into mine and I felt her arms wrap around my waist and pull me from the car closer towards her.

Stumbling, we headed for the door, not breaking contact with each other. My lips found her neck as my fingers worked at unbuttoning her shirt. We crashed into the door and had to separate so I could unlock the door. As I struggled to find the right key, Ashley stood behind me and wrapped her arms around me. She alternated from untying the tie on my skirt to kissing my exposed shoulder to unzipping my zipper.

The door creaked open and I pulled the keys from the lock and sent them crashing to the floor, sliding across the hardwood. Ashley staggered in behind me, closing the door with the bottom of her foot. How we made it into the bedroom without injuring ourselves, I'll never know.

She pushed me backwards onto the bed and landed on top of me. Silently, I watched as she removed her shirt and threw it aside. She straddled me and made quick work of my skirt until all I heard was the soft thud of denim on the floor.

"Ash, I need you to make love to me tonight," I murmured feebly. Her body lowered to mine in slow motion, like all the time we wasted to get to this point made seconds hang suspended between our bodies. Her kiss never broke mine while she pulled my tank top up to my ribcage and raked her fingers across my stomach. She pulled me back up and quickly removed my tank top over my head.

My bra was gone moments later and Ashley stopped kissing me to look me over. I could sense the warm air swirling around us, but I was already covered in shivers in anticipation of her touch returning to my skin.

"Spencer, you're so beautiful," she observed as she moved the hair from my eyes. Again she lowered herself to me. Her familiar sweet and fruity smell filling my senses with her deliciousness. When she finally lowered her mouth to mine, it was soft and yielding, letting me control my desire. She trailed kisses down my neck, breathing hotly on my neck. My body trembled below her hands and she drove me further towards the edge as her hands massaged my bare chest. Her touch was electric and I felt my body pulsating in response to ever caress with her careful fingers. Soon, my breasts were covered by her open mouthed kisses, her tongue circling over my nipples.

I never felt less in control in my whole life, until her knee shifted, pressing against my hot center and I let out a whimper. Her knee was quickly replaced by the feather light touches of her hand and I felt her tongue dance along my stomach, stopping to playfully bite my hipbone. She stopped rubbing her hand along my underwear long enough to pull them down, carefully planting kisses on my newly exposed skin. I arched up in response, but her hands guided my hips back down.

Ashley settled lower, kissing my thighs as her hands finally met where I needed her touch most. Next, I felt the wetness of her tongue on my pulsing clit, and the only thing I could think of was kissing wasn't the only thing she could do expertly with her tongue.

It still took me by surprise, even after all the buildup to this point. She traced her tongue up and down in a steady pace, building the tension and pleasure inside of me. As she continued, the sensations only became stronger as they surged through my entire body. Just when I thought I wouldn't be able to take anymore, she teased my opening with her finger, before diving it into my wetness.

"Ashley," I moaned into the night as the feeling of her inside me overwhelmed me.

I felt the gentle tapping of her fingers against my spot as she worked another finger inside of me. The combination of her fingers diving inside of me and her tongue flicking hot surges of electricity through my body were more than I could handle. My hips bucked to accommodate her fingers and my body tried to soak in every sensation it could. Ashley's tongue continued to slide along clit at an increased pace that matched the same rhythm of her fingers, awakening new feelings of pleasure that I never thought possible. I felt the sweet moments of release sneak up on me felt myself shuddering around her fingers as I came, crying out her name again while I rode out the waves of pleasure. When my orgasm subsided, I pulled her into me and the only thing separating us was the sweat between our heaving chests.

I kissed her forehead and praised, "That was amazing."

"Better than sex with Ed?" she chuckled.

"Way better. Want me to show you how much better?" I asked with a smirk.


	32. Chapter 32: I Love These Brownies

When I woke up the next morning, Ashley's arms were wrapped around me and our legs were tangled amongst the sheets. Memories from last night were flooding my brain, quickly pushing out any thoughts of returning back to sleep. I was all worked up just thinking about it. My thoughts shifted to Ashley and how she was the perfect teacher last night, gently instructing me to where my attention was needed and letting me take control when I was ready. Her encouraging words were quickly replaced with the sounds of her carnal sighs as I brought her to climax.

After letting my mind wander at the images of Ashley's naked body, I decided the real thing was much better, so I returned my gaze to Ashley. She was so beautiful while she slept and watching her had become one of my favorite past-times. I thought about waking her with a kiss, but decided I wanted to watch her sleep a little while longer.

"Spence, stop staring at me. You're freaking me out," she grumbled into her pillow.

How did she know I was staring at her?

"I can feel you staring at me," she explained as she read my mind. This was starting to get a little creepy.

Her eyes fluttered open and met mine. My expression must have been priceless, because she just let out a throaty chuckle.

She moved her hands from my waist to behind my neck and pulled me in for a kiss.

"Good morning beautiful," she greeted me. I could get used to hearing that every morning for the rest of my life.

"Morning, gorgeous," I responded and placed my lips on her again.

"Are you okay with everything that happened between us last night?" she asked, while running her fingers through my hair.

I just nodded, trying to keep the emotions that were welling up inside of me down. "Are you? I mean, I know you wanted to take things slow, and I promised..." I began to babble.

Ashley stopped my crazy talk with a kiss. "Never been better," she confirmed.

I tried to protest again, wanting to make sure that she understood how ready I was, but she placed her fingertips to my lips. "Never. Been. Better."

I loved hearing the sound of my words from the pier repeated back to me. It was like an inside joke and the intimacy of it made me weak. There was nothing else I needed to hear, so I kissed her back lightly.

Trying to be a good hostess, Ashley asked, "You want some breakfast? We did work up quite an appetite last night."

I smiled as I recalled the events of last night. Was I hungry? No. Was I horny? Yes. I shook my head no and kissed her lips again letting her know what I was in the mood for. What dumbass would need food when they were in bed with Ashley? Unless it was whipped cream, chocolate syrup, strawberries…well you catch my drift.

"Are you hungry?" I asked wanting to make sure she was taken care of. I lived for taking care of my baby.

She nodded sheepishly at me. How adorable was she at this moment? Wait, she had just rejected me and still made swoon. I pushed the thought aside, knowing what my baby wants, she gets. Far be it for me to leave her wanting. Reluctantly, I got dressed and headed into the kitchen.

"I have cereal or cereal," Ashley offered as she looked at the pathetic contents of her cabinets. I really should have bought more when I went to Whole Foods yesterday.

"Hmm. Tough choice. I think I'll have cereal," I decided.

Ashley pulled out a box that had far too many healthy looking images, like whole grains, nuts and dried fruit on the front for my liking.

"What the fuck is that?" I asked in disgust.

Ashley laughed and responded with the obvious, "Cereal. I know it's hard to tell because there is not a cartoon character on the box or a prize inside, but this is what grown-ups eat."

I groaned because as I was quickly learning, being an adult was overrated.

After breakfast, I began to load the dishwasher, but was met with resistance from Ashley. "Spence, you don't have to do that."

"I know, but how else am I going to get you to check out my ass?" I joked.

With that she came up from behind me and wrapped me into her arms, planting kisses on my exposed shoulder. "Seriously, the last thing you have to worry about is me not checking out your ass."

"Mmmkay," I purred as I felt the wetness of her lips trail across my skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake. I was able to collect my thoughts enough to continue, "Then how else are you going to be able to sneak in a brownie for breakfast?" I asked.

My comment led her to push me away with faux indignation. "What?" she demanded.

"Don't play dumb with me, Ash. I saw you eyeing up the brownies the whole time we were eating our Kashi. By the way can you get some different cereal? I might have to reconsider my sleeping arrangements if you keep forcing me to eat this cardboard."

"You wouldn't dare!" she exclaimed while she trailed her nails across the granite counters and lifted the plastic wrap from the pan of brownies. "Did you mean these brownies?" she clarified as she cut into them with a guilty and yet oh-so-innocent look on her face.

"Yes, those would be the ones," I confirmed.

She waltzed over with a brownie in hand and lifted it to my mouth. I opened and she fed me a bite before taking one of her own.

"I'm sorry, Spence. It's just that I really fucking love these brownies," she said deadpan. How Ashley made the f-word look so hot, I have no clue, but she did. As I watched her bite into it and crinkle her nose in delight, I realized that I loved her more than she loved those brownies. I was unquestionably head over heels in love with Ashley Davies and I wasn't sure how much longer I could wait to tell her. The words stayed on the tip of my tongue, begging for my courage to swell enough for them to tumble out. My courage was not yet where it needed to be and I shifted my attention to cleaning up the kitchen so we could go back to bed where we belonged.

I finished loading the dishwasher while Ashley ate the rest of her brownie and mysteriously we ended up back in the bedroom. It was then I noticed that my underwear was hanging onto one of the tuning pegs on Ashley's acoustic guitar. So, that's where they were. I freed them from the silver peg and threw them into my purse, mortified. My fingers ran over the rough surface of the strings, lazily.

"Play me a song," I said. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's because I always thought sex was like swimming. One should always wait fifteen minutes after eating before participating in those activities.

"No way. You still need to play me your song, first. Then maybe we'll talk about me playing. Besides, you've heard me play enough."

I was relentless in my desire to hear Ashley play for me. Most of the time she obliged my request and I sat there transfixed as I marveled at her talent. To show me she was serious about her request, she pulled the Takamine from it's stand and placed it on my lap. Then she sat down on the bed next to me, waiting intently for my song. How did this go so horribly awry?

My hands were immediately clammy and I fumbled as I pulled the pick from it's position under the strings. Spending time with her, I learned quickly that Ashley was a phenomenal musician. Although she was well aware of my limited skill set, I figured now was as good of time as any to indulge her request. Playing in front of her my material was daunting, to say the least, but something inside of me knew this moment was it.

Nervously, I fastened the capo, checking to make sure it was secure. I played the first chord, when she interrupted by placing her hand over the neck of the guitar.

"Ugh. Who's your teacher? You should definitely get your money back," she teased.

Like I wasn't nervous enough already. I had to laugh at her smart ass comment before I threw one right back at her. "Maybe I should stop sleeping with her. That could be part of the problem."

"Nooooo. I would not recommend that at all. If anything, you should sleep with her more. Like, a lot more," she suggested.

She had a giant smile on her face, before she continued in a more serious tone. "I was just trying to lighten the mood, Spence. Don't be nervous. I know it will be great."

She leaned in and kissed me slowly, which did help to get my mind off the nerves at least. She tasted slightly like brownies and sex or maybe that was just all that consumed my thoughts. I didn't want to stop as our tongues struggled to maintain dominance over one another's, but she lightly pushed me away.

"No more kisses until I get my song," she clarified looking equally as disappointed as I felt.

Obviously, there was no getting out of this. Her distraction had completely changed my train of thought. Now, I figured my best option would be to just get it over so I could get back to memorizing the curves of her lips.

"Well, this is it. I think you'll figure out who it's about," I mumbled, self-conscious about the piece of my soul that had been wrapped into a song for her.

I began strumming and there were no interruptions this time around. I focused on my chord progressions as I began to sing for the words that were now permanently fixed in mind since I thought of how to put my feelings for Ash in a song.

_Let's just take our time_

_There's nothing else to do_

_What better way to spend the night_

_than wasting it with you_

_The moon has won the war_

_The daylight waits to end_

_Stay here by my side_

_We'll watch the struggle start again_

_I need you now and forever_

_so stay right here with me_

_Don't ever leave_

_Love was kept from me like a secret_

_And I swore that I was through until you_

_Until you_

_The city settles down_

_I watch you as you sleep_

_There's a silent celebration for every breath you breathe_

_Now this all makes sense_

_With you as company_

_I left all I knew and found a better part of me_

_I need you now and forever so stay right here with me_

_Don't ever leave_

_Love was kept from me like a secret_

_And I swore that I was through until you_

_Until you_

_The time it took to find you_

_I would wait again my baby_

_The feelings that I feel with you now_

_I need you now and forever to stay right here with me_

_Don't ever leave_

_Love was kept from me like a secret_

_And I swore that I was through until you_

_Until You_

Once I had finished, I was afraid to look up. I knew the moment I looked at Ashley while singing, I would get too nervous, mess up or start some awkward combination of crying while laughing, so I just focused on my strumming and the chords the entire duration of my song.

When I finally gathered the courage to look over at her, I saw her eyes were filled with tears.

"That bad?" I joked, with nothing else to say.

She shook her head no, but didn't say anything. I felt completely exposed as we sat in silence. Quietly, I walked and placed the guitar back on the stand and Ashley grabbed my hand and pulled me into her, kissing my lips softly.

After our lips parted, she rested her forehead against mine. She leaned back, so she could look me in the eyes. There was something in those brown pools that let me know that she was scared, so I grabbed her hands and linked my fingers in hers.

"I love you," she whispered, searching my eyes for my reaction. She held her breath in anticipation.

It took me a second to process the words that had just left her lips, but then her raspy voice became etched into my brain for the rest of my life. The hummingbirds that were building in my stomach, made it easier to understand that she did in fact say what I thought she did.

"I love you, too," I declared.

The words I had been dying to hear and say were the only thing I could concentrate on. My anxious lips met her smiling ones and sealed our love with the same breath as our admissions. She didn't taste like brownies or sex anymore or any other flavor on the face of the planet. All I knew is that I wanted more. More kisses that made me discover something new, more mornings like this, more of the looks into her brown eyes that confirmed that everything that happened wasn't a dream.

A/N: Again, going with the sneak attack at the bottom so I don't ruin the chapter. The song is Dave Barnes Until You. Formal apologies for not posting a more detailed Spencer's POV during the intimate times. There will be more of that later.


	33. Chapter 33: Aisle Nine Showdown

A/N: Soapbox alert- I love doing normal everyday shit as a couple. It makes my heart go pitter patter. That and holding hands. The inspiration of this chapter is that I saw this 70+ year old couple at the grocery store holding hands and almost had a Hallmark moment all by myself. So, now I shall force it upon you. It's been far too long for me for those activities, so I live vicariously through my characters. Proof that Grocery stores can be sexy and romantic too! Also, thank you for your awesome reviews, you make me all smiles in my cube at work! God, my life is glamorous.

The following Sunday, Ashley and I were at the grocery store, where I was trying to sneak in a box of Golden Grahams into our cart. We had made it to the middle of the aisle when Ashley noticed the yellow box of deliciousness and stopped pushing the cart. I continued to walk to the end of the aisle and finally realized she was still standing there, completely stopped. Trying to play it cool, I sauntered back over to her and asked innocently, "What's wrong?"

"Spencer, did you put these Golden Grahams in the cart?"

Ashley then proceeded to give me THE LOOK. I held her gaze, silently waiting for her to relent. It wasn't happening. She made me so weak with those piercing brown eyes, but I held on to my silent stare back. Finally, she placed one hand on her hip and cocked her head to let me know she meant business. I felt like an ant being scorched under a sadistic child's magnifying glass with no way to escape.

"Maybe," I admitted, breaking under her stare. I leaned in and pulled the box from the cart, pointing at the large print to help my arguement. "Look. It says right here it's a good source of Calcium and Vitamin D. Do you want to be single handedly responsible for my osteoperosis in fifty years?"

She just smiled and rolled her eyes at me, putting up with my usual shenanigans. "That depends. Will you still be acting like a little kid in fifty years, trying to sneak the good cereal into **_our_** shopping cart?"

Holy crap. Did she just say our shopping cart? An image of seventy year old versions of Ashley and I riding side by side on our electric scooter shopping carts flashed in my head. Ugh, even in my fantasies, I was wearing an ugly purple cat sweater. Somehow, I turned my future with Ashley into a bad Saturday Night Live skit. WTF?

"Probably," I conceded with an ear to ear smile.

"Then I promise to pretend like I didn't see them. But, to be on the safe side, we should probably make sure to pick up some vitamins. I do want us to be spry in our old age. I refuse to ride one of those Rascal scooters," she said.

I laughed out loud at the fact that sometimes it was like we were literally sharing thoughts. I hoped her version of us being old together did not involve that hideous cat sweater.

"Flintstones?" I begged, fully aware of how much I was pressing my luck at this moment.

"I love you, Spence. Don't ever change," she said with a smile.

I discarded the cereal box into the basket so my hand was free to link our fingers together. Must be the florescent lighting, I decided. Or maybe the backdrop of pop-tarts that were framing her face. Or the seductive musings of Lionel Ritchie's _All Night Long_ that were pouring out from the speakers above us. Regardless, that image of her is what plays in my mind when I think about that day. Right then and there, I figured if I had any say in the matter, I was going to spend the rest of my life with her.

After my realization, I got a little quiet as we trekked through the rest of the store. Every time I looked in her direction, I couldn't stop myself from seeing her in my future. Rascal scooter and ugly ass cat sweater optional, Ashley had to be a part of my life.

It had only been a week since we said our first I love you's, but everything was fitting like the pieces of a puzzle when it came to us. We made it to the pharmacy section of the supermarket, where Ashley began to pace back and forth in front of the vitamins. Before I had the opportunity to debate the merits of Gummy Bear Vitamins, my phone rang.

My display read **HOME**, so I picked up.

"Spence, where are you?" my mom asked.

"I'm just grocery shopping with Ashley," I said. She had to have noticed the increased conversations revolving around Ashley, but didn't seem too put off by that fact. Ashley turned around and walked back to the cart at the mention of her name. She had two bottles in her hands and a raised eyebrow.

I mouthed Mom to let her know who it was and she yelled, "Hi Mrs. C," in the direction of the phone.

"Well, you were supposed to be here for dinner an hour ago. I've been worried sick about you," she reprimanded. "And tell Ashley hello,"

"She says hello," I said to Ashley before returning back to the conversation with my mom. "Sorry, Mom. I completely forgot about dinner tonight," I admitted.

"So I guess I should tell your father to wait a while before starting dinner?" she questioned.

"No, we're almost done here. I'll be there in a little bit," I said.

"Okay then, and let Ashley know she is more than welcome to come over," she offered.

"All right. We'll see you in a little while then. Bye, Mom," I ended the call.

"Bye," she said and I tapped my cell phone off and pressed it to my forehead. What the hell did I just do? Oh, yeah. Instead of spending the rest of my Sunday afternoon in my newly Madison-free apartment having sex on the kitchen counter with Ashley, we were going to my parents.

She shook one of the bottles of vitamins and tossed it into the cart before she quipped, "These ones say they help with memory, which you clearly need. I can't have you being both hunchbacked and forgetful in your old age."

We reached the painkiller section of the aisle and I tossed a bottle of Excedrin in the cart. Ashley looked at me and asked, "Are you feeling okay, Spence?"

"I'm fine. A little sore from helping Madison move yesterday, but these are actually for you. I think you're going to need them after five solid hours of Paula," I said.


	34. Chapter 34: Be Aggressive

A/N: Sorry for the hiatus. What if I told you I was going to make it up to you with a really long chapter and a whole lotta smut? Would that be enough to get back in your good graces? Oh, and this ones a bit of a nail biter too.

While Ashley checked out at the grocery store, I looked at the free apartment hunter brochures out in the entry way. We went directly to my parents house, where we loaded the cold groceries in the spare refrigerator they had in the garage.

Conversation at dinner quickly shifted on my search for a new apartment, which was still not going well. Other than that, Ashley and I made it through unscathed. After we finished, Ashley attempted to help clear the table, but my mom thwarted her efforts and forced her to sit down and relax with my dad. Knowing that was fine for Ashley, but not for me, I began to help her clear the table. Meanwhile Ashley gave my father the inside scoop on Raife Davies, much to my chagrin.

"So, you seem to be spending a lot of time with Ashley now," my mom commented.

I felt a little nauseous as this subject was so quickly brought up by my mom. Madison, Kyla and Glen were all able to see there was something more going on with Ashley and I without us having to say a word. I hadn't expected that to be the case with my mother. My shaky hands were clanking a lot of glasses and plates together as I loaded the dishwasher trying to figure out how to address her comment.

"Yeah, well I don't know how to explain it, but she really gets me. She's my best friend," I replied.

My mom rinsed a bowl and placed it on the towel to air dry. "Best friend? You two just met," she opined.

I took in a heavy breath, aware that she wasn't about ready to drop the subject. There was part of me that wanted to tell her, but this wasn't the right time. When it came to my mom, I wasn't sure there would ever be a right time. I knew full well what her views were on homosexuality and I was afraid that her love for me wouldn't be enough to conquer her fear of who I am and would always be. Because I am and will always be completely in love with Ashley. There was no amount of religious philosophy or disapproval from my family that could convince me the way I felt for her was wrong.

"Well, it's been almost two months. But, I'm really glad I met her when I did. My life has changed a lot since graduation and I think that Ashley and I were supposed to find each other," I explained, feeling the heat building inside of me.

"You do seem different from the last time I saw you," she said absently. "And I'm glad you found a friend like Ashley. I'm sure it's difficult with Zoe moving to New York and Madison moving out. And with everything that happened with Patrick. Speaking of which, his mother says that he's considering moving to Belgium for a few years to help with the office start up there. Have you talked to him at all since the break up?"

There was that Fed Ex truck arriving right on time to deliver the passive aggressive package I'd been waiting for all day.

"No. I don't even know what I could say to him. Or if he would even want to talk to me. I figure, if he does, he will when he's ready," I said, hoping that would be sufficient.

Thankfully, the topic was switched from that awkward conversation to my job as we finished the cleanup.

Afterwards, Ashley began to press my parents for information about my high school years. My parents talked about youth group, prom dates, and the sports I played. Somewhere during these terrible stories, I decided now would be a good time to grab a couple of things from my room, which was essentially my storage unit that I didn't have to pay for. I was busy scouring through an old drawer in my nightstand, when I heard the door unlatch and creak open. Ashley poked her head in and quickly shut the door behind her.

"What are you doing up here?" I asked, with a handful of old photographs in my hand.

She took a few confident paces in my direction and took the items from my hand and tossed them back on my bed before answering.

"This," she explained and her mouth collided into mine.

I was intoxicated with the comfort of her. She moved expertly to my neck, where her lips lingered as she sucked mind numbing patterns before moving to my collar bone.

"Ash," I murmured. Half was meant to encourage her because I was relishing every second. Half was begging for her to stop because I was already turned on and my parents were too close for comfort.

In response, her fingertips dug into my hips and I was so weak in the knees, I let part of my body weight be supported by her arms. She didn't flinch as she held me and continued to wreak havoc with her lips along my neckline. I wondered how long it would take for a hickey to show up on my skin, since she wasn't being very gentle with me at the moment. Not that I was complaining, but I wasn't sure how to explain that one to my parents.

"You gotta stop," I pleaded, finally able to get out something. She pulled away and searched my eyes, which I'm certain were completely darkened with lust for her. "Trust me, I don't want you to stop, but my parents are right below us. And I'm pretty sure I'd rather tell them myself than have them walk in on us."

"Why? Your mom's not going to scream at me and pull me by my hair as she throws me out?" she asked.

"Uh. It's always a possibility," I admitted with a shrug.

Her eyes grew big in fear at my statement and I laughed at the sight of her.

"I'm just kidding. There wouldn't be any violence, but there may be some serious waterworks. Actually, I think I'd prefer the violence," I said. "Bruises heal and hair grows back. Guilt over making your mother cry…that lasts a lifetime."

"Speak for yourself. I like my hair right where it is. And stop being so dramatic. Paula loves me so even though it's not what she's expecting, I know we're going to be okay. I'm sorry for jumping your bones, Spence. It's just those cheerleading stories she's telling about you are making me so hot for you. I can't get these images of you in your uniform out of my head."

I gave her a wicked smile, because I was going to be borderline evil. I rummaged through my top dresser and located my old uniform. "You mean this one?" I asked innocently.

Ashley bit her lip and closed her eyes. "You are so mean," she bellowed. "When did you get this mean? Did I do this to you?"

"Relax, Ashley. It's so coming home with me tonight," I informed her.

An equally devious smile crossed her face. "I don't know how many more of these family dinners my heart or my libido can take, Spence."

"I know, mine too," I said, tossing the green and white garments into my tote on the bed. "Come on, let's get back down there. The sooner we finish here the sooner we can get back to my place and I can show you my moves."

"Oooh. Only if you promise to B-E-A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E," she cheered sarcastically, complete with a hand clap.

She gave a fake toss of her hair with her hands on her hips. Without a doubt, she was the worst but hottest cheerleader I had ever seen. It was hard for me to be mad, but I couldn't let her make fun of my high school sport like that. Unbeknownst to Ashley, she had just executed the perfect cheer to push me over the edge. My confidence was at an all time high as I thought about her message. She was going to pay for that comment and her mind blowing level of sexiness that got me stupid-hot so easily.

"No, no! I can do waaay better than that," I said dismissively and sat her down on my bed.

"But you're just going to have to wait," I whispered into her ear. I gave her a quick peck on the lips and pushed her onto her back on my bed and turned to walk out the door.

"Stay right there," I commanded closing the door behind me.

My parents were downstairs, now watching 60 minutes, which meant I had until that clock stopped it's annoying ticking to execute my plan. They were fully engrossed in some story about organic farming to even notice my presence, so I knew we had time.

I headed back upstairs, stopping in the bathroom so I could put on my cheerleading uniform, smiling at the fact that it still fit. I scoured my phone for the perfect songs and had a play list made in another minute.

I burst back into the room and upon my arrival, Ashley was looking through my photos and nearly feel off the bed.

"You scared the shit outta me and now you're definitely being too mean. You look hot, Spence," she said and placed the photos on my nightstand.

Her compliment made me blush, but wasn't enough to distract me from my plan and time constraints. Locking the door behind me, I walked purposely to the computer chair at my desk and put in the center of my room. I pulled Ashley from the bed and sat her on the chair. Finally, I started the play list I made and the bass filled beats of the first song filled the room. It was the Pussycat Dolls "Don't Cha". I know it was old school, but this song always made me want to be dirty.

It was hot and srtrippery and perfect for the lap dance I was about to give her. I circled her chair, dancing to the beat. When I reached the front of her, I dipped low and ran my fingers from her ankles to her knees as I shimmied up. Once completely upright, I started to grind on her lap.

Ashley bit her lip and remarked, "Cheer Spencer is naughty. I love it."

Her hands began to travel over my exposed midriff. I lightly slapped her hand away and scolded, "I'll be the one doing the touching here."

To show her I meant it, I pulled her shirt over her head, taking it and wrapping it around the back of her neck. With her shirt as my guide, I pulled her head close to my face so I could invite my way into her mouth. I teased her tongue with quick and fleeting probes instead of the long and passionate strokes she was wanting.

Having served it's purpose my hands tossed the shirt God knows where, so I could use them for more pressing matters. Like pressing my fingers to her bra covered breasts. Ashley let out a moan against my mouth and the sensation made me wish I hadn't told her not to touch me. But this wasn't about me, so I freed my lips from hers so I could move them down her neck.

By now, the chorus was about to start, so I decided to start my serenade. My hands were busy removing her bra as I sang in her ear, "Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?"

I finished by gently sucking on her earlobe and pulled away so I could look into her eyes, which were now begging me to continue.

"Don't cha?" I finished the chorus as I straddled her, swaying with the rhythm of the music.

Ashley just nodded, following it with a seductive smile.

As I continued to give her a lap dance, my bare ass grazed over her thighs. She realized I was wearing nothing under my skirt and cupped my butt in her hands. This time, I wasn't about to reprimand her for her lack of self control. Since I was no longer singing, my mouth covered her nipples, bringing them to hardened peaks.

I stood abruptly and danced provocatively around the chair, stopping once I was standing behind her. My hands ran down her shoulders before I buried my face in her neck. I licked at her skin, stopping to nip playfully over her pulse points. While my mouth tried to cover every space of skin there, I reached around the chair and began to caress her abdomen which tightened under my touch.

She shivered beneath me as my fingers slid lower to unbutton her shorts. I made my way to the front of the chair so I could remove her shorts. Sliding them from her legs, I then pulled her panties off immediately, knowing time was of the essence.

I dipped low and kneeled on the floor in front of her, taking her legs and letting them rest on my shoulders. I reached my hands onto the top of her thighs, anchoring myself as I took her in my mouth. Immediately, she ground herself into me and I could taste her sweet and addicting flavor. I responded by diving my tongue further into her opening so I could get more of her wetness in my mouth. Then I let my tongue continue it's calculated exploration of her clit.

I heard her suck in a heavy breath only to stammer out, "Spencer," as I slowly worked my tongue over every inch of her. The husky hint of lust that filled her voice made me want to come on the spot.

Ashley tried her best to keep the moans in her throat, but let one slip at the pause before the next song started, loud enough that I stopped completely in shock.

"Sorry. I'll try to keep quiet. Please don't stop," she whispered in frustration.

As Britney started her opening line of "Breathe on Me" about _It's so hot in here_, I returned my position to a squat, and wrapped her legs around my waist and pulled her torso against my body. Knowing I needed a little more control, I pulled her from the chair and gently set her onto the bed.

I kneeled on the bed, not wanting to leave her waiting for long. My fingers fervently found their way into her wetness, eliciting another loud whimper from Ashley. I place my hand on her open mouth with my free hand, while I worked my fingers against her spot.

I slowly removed my hand from her mouth and placed my index finger to my pursed lips. In response, Ashley pursed her lips tightly, nodding to let me know she would keep silent. Now that I had her promise, I returned to where my attention was most needed. As I lowered my face so my tongue could get back to bringing her to the edge one stroke at a time, Britney sang her best teasing advice to, "_Just put your lips together and blow."_

When Britney gives that type of advice, you listen. So I puckered my lips, exhaling a stream of air on to her waiting skin before covering it with my mouth and flicking my tongue along with the beat of the song. Ashley responded by balling up the comforter in her hands. She let go to pinch her mouth with her hand to prevent any noises from being made.

With each passing song, I continued to pump and curl my fingers along her G-spot as she got tighter and tighter around me. I knew she was close and soon, I felt her body shuddering around me and heard the faint whimpers that escaped from her throat.

As much as I had wanted to hear her scream my name again, the hushed sounds of her orgasm were still music to my ears. I kissed the inside of her thighs and looked up at her with a satisfied smile on my face.

Her hand was still tightly locked against her lips and she slowly brought it down, as if she was afraid to remove it. Realizing, she wasn't bound by silence, she tentatively said, "That was so fucking hot, Spence. By the way, why do you have a lap dance play list on your phone?"

I was caught off guard by her question, so after some thought I decided on, "Well it's not a lap dancing play list. Those are the kind of songs I like to listen to when I work out."

"Then we need to start working out together, every day. I never thought I'd say this, but you and Britney Spears make a great team."

"Mmm. Britney. We would make a great team. Wonder if she likes cheerleaders?" I purred seductively.

Ashley threw a pillow at my head, which I avoided with my cheerleader like reflexes.

"What? It was a joke. Britney is not my type. I'm into brunettes…and one hot and naked brunette in particular," I admitted, making my way to where she was sitting on the bed and placing a soft kiss to her lips.

"Have I mentioned recently that I love you, Spencer Carlin?" Ashley asked.

"Even though I was, like, a total cheer-bitch?" I asked in my valley girl voice and began to twirl my hair.

"Especially. I love everything that makes you, you."

"I love you too, Ashley Davies. Now as much as I want to stare at your fine naked body a little while longer, hurry up and get dressed!"

I placed a kiss on her cheek before jumping off the bed so I could round up her clothes. We both got changed and I tucked my cheerleading uniform back into the tote because I was curious to see what Ashley could do in that thing. Ashley added the photos from my nightstand to the bag and we headed downstairs.

Luckily, my parents seemed to still be captivated by Andy Rooney and his angry eyebrows. Ashley and I sat down on the couch and my dad asked, "Was everything okay up there? We heard a lot of loud music coming from upstairs. I had to stop your mother from going up there to check on you two."

My world stopped spinning as I tried to determine if a few of Ashley's errant sighs could have been heard over the music.

"Uh yeah, I was just showing Ashley a few of the cheer songs from high school," I lied, hoping that made sense. My brain told my mouth to shoot out the first semi-logical excuse it could come up with.

I looked over to Ashley to make sure my story was plausible. Ashley nodded her head before she added, "You must be so proud of Spencer. She's really talented."

I choked down the laughter in my throat, but there was no way I was able to fight the blush that accompanied Ashley's praise of my "cheerleading" skills.

"Oh what a nice thing to say. We are so proud of Spencer and everything she does," my mom agreed completely oblivious.

Famous last words, Paula, I thought to myself. Ashley and I looked at each other with matching smirks and watched the end of Andy Rooney's rant against the rising cost of postage stamps. My heart rate had slowed to normal and I contemplated my exit strategy as we sat in comfortable silence. Just when I thought we were in the clear, Ashley leaned forward to take a drink from her glass of water.

Noticing the **S** on her knuckle, my mom said, "Ashley, sweetie. What's that on your finger?"

Knowing exactly what my mom had seen, Ashley quickly retracted her hand from the glass, spilling water all over the coffee table in the process. At least she had created a distraction so that answering the question wasn't necessary.

"I'll get the paper towels," my mom said as she went to stand up from her chair.

"No, it's okay Paula. I'm so sorry. I'll clean it up. Spence, come with me to get the paper towels," Ashley said, bounding up from the couch.

I followed her into the kitchen with our hushed conversation in progress.

"That was close," I sighed.

Ashley was busy licking her thumb and trying to scrub the **S** off her finger. She looked up at the sound of my voice and nodded in a trance.

"I'm sorry, Spence. I wasn't expecting to come here and I didn't think to wash it off. We are playing with fire, here. You've got to tell them soon," she pleaded.

I had just located the paper towels under the sink and handed them to Ashley with an, "I know and I will soon, but not tonight. My heart has had enough erractic activity for one night."

"I hope not. I heard you were co-captain and I think I might want to try out for the cheerleading squad tonight," she teased taking her cute ass the the roll of paper towels with her. I stood there thinking about her in that uniform, thankful that she didn't go to my highschool. I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on anything with her there.

After cleaning up the mess we made, Ashley and I decided it would be a good time to leave, before we made the kind of mess that couldn't be cleaned up with paper towels. Both my mom and dad gave Ashley hugs goodbye and for a minute, I believed that maybe everything would be okay when I told them. I wasn't naive enough to believe it blindly, but I was willing to cling to that possibility until I found out otherwise.


	35. Chapter 35: Home

A/N: This is just a little baby chapter to get the story headed in the right direction. There are changes on the horizon to hopefully make things a little more interesting.

Wednesday night before my lesson with Ashley I made two appointments to check out apartments. It was getting down to the wire and I was desperate. The last place I looked at had a pool and was ready to move in this coming weekend, so I signed a lease tonight.

I still had an hour to kill before my lesson, so I called my dad and Glen to recruit them to help moving on Saturday. Dad was an easy sell, but Glen required pizza, beer and a stripper. After some negotiating, he settled for just pizza and beer. My mom was going to be on call this weekend, which meant she would be pretty much living at the ER.

Finally, I arrived at the music store trying to decide the best way to tell Ashley the good news. I waited in the back until Taylor finished his lesson and Ashley. Ashley surprised me by pulling me out of my chair and giving me a kiss. "Ready for your lesson?" she asked.

I just sat there nodding, completely entranced by her amber stare.

Taylor had witnessed the whole exchange and chimed in with a big smile, "Where can I sign up for those lessons?"

"Sorry, Taylor. Spencer's pretty special. It's the only way I can get her to practice," Ashley shot back.

As Ashley led me into the room hand in hand, Taylor watched us with the same euphoric grin on his face, causing me to laugh once she shut the door behind us.

"Poor Taylor. I don't think he's going to be doing much sleeping tonight," I commented.

"Hopefully, neither will we Spence."

Why was it that the second I stepped into this room with Ashley, the last thing I wanted to do was play my guitar? Yet, it was the only thing Ashley seemed interested in at the moment. My frustrated fingers managed to obey Ashley's commands for me on guitar at least. Every time I tried to touch her, she would fight my hands with an evil smirk.

"Is this lesson over yet, Ashley?" I implored. "My hands have other things that need to occupy their attention than this guitar."

"Spencer, you only have two lessons left," she reprimanded. "I want you to get your money's worth."

"Are you serious? I got my money's worth the second I laid eyes on you," I said, flashing her my best charming smile.

"Don't get me wrong, because I love to hear it, but you sweet talk will get you nowhere, well for now anyways. We still have fifteen minutes left, so show me your progression from C, A minor, F, G and C."

"No," I dissented, setting my guitar on a free stand. "I have something else I want to show you."

Ashley was clearly tired of fighting me at this point and set her guitar on her stand too. I pulled the two new keys to my apartment from my pocket and opened the palm of her hand. Setting the key in her open hand, I thought about how we could have a place to share.

"I signed the lease tonight and this is yours. I know you live with Kyla and I'm not asking you to change that. We're still going to take our time. I just want you to know that I don't consider this new place just my home. Because for me, home is wherever you are. So, know that by taking this key, you're always welcome to use it."

Ashley stared at the key for a moment before she asked, "How do you do it?"

"Huh?" I returned, confused. Obviously, while I was busy picturing our future together, I missed something.

"How can you possibly do anything to make me fall more in love with you than I already am?" she wondered.

"I don't know, but I don't think I'll ever stop trying," I said.

"You better not," Ashley warned with a smile.

She stood up and pulled me into an embrace. The feeling of her body against mine was the comfort I had been craving. There was nowhere in the world I would rather be, until Ashley finally spoke.

"Come on, Spence. Let's go home," she proposed. "I want to see our new place."

I stand corrected.


	36. Chapter 36: Moving on Up

A/N: I know I'm slow with the post again. The weather is getting so nice and I hardly have free time! All of the activities have gotten my brain working about where to take this story. I've either had a stroke of genius or an actual stroke. Either way, it will be getting more interesting. I promise!

The next night, I made sure to load up on boxes from work and Ashley said she would stop over with a few boxes she had found at the music store today. I had a lot of nervous energy as I thought about how quickly Saturday would be here and how utterly unprepared I was to move.

"What are you doing?" Ashley asked with a worried expression as she looked at my pathetic attempt at filling the few boxes I had.

"Packing," I cringed as it slipped from my mouth. Around me was heaps of items in complete disarray. My room looked worse than it normally did.

"I've seen packing before and this," she paused pointing around the room, "is definitely not it. It looks like a disaster in here. You might be able to get some FEMA relief aid for this room, Spence."

"I can't help it. I'm too busy thinking about how close my new place is to this super hot chick that I'm dating to concentrate on filling these boxes."

"Who is this super hot chick that you speak of? Do I need to kick her ass?"

"You might. Especially if she keeps making fun of me and my mad packing skills and doesn't kiss me soon," I retorted.

Ashley let out a fake gasp, complete with covering her hand to her open mouth in shock. "That bitch! Who would be stupid enough not to kiss you?"

After her comment, she climbed over a stack of old college textbooks and finally pulled me into her arms. Her mouth met mine and she gave me the kiss I had been waiting for. "It's a good thing I'm really smart," she said before finding my lips again.

"Yes. Very smart," I agreed.

My very smart girlfriend was also freakishly efficient at packing. We had almost everything ready to go a few hours later.

"How exactly does one acquire skill set like that?" I asked Ashley she taped up the last box.

Ashley tossed the roll of tape on the kitchen counter and explained, "My mom liked to move in with the losers she dated. When their relationship crumbled, it usually meant we needed to get out of there fast. Like before they came home from work. So, if I wanted to keep my Barbie collection in tact, it meant I had to pack it up before the U-Haul left the driveway."

"I never had you pegged as a Barbie doll lover," I said.

"I wasn't. But Kyla was always into them, so I made sure that was one of the first things that was on the moving truck," she recalled.

Too tired to go anywhere else, Ashley stayed at my apartment that night. Friday passed by quickly as I scrambled to make sure everything was ready for my dad and brother, who were arriving at nine on Saturday.

Since Ashley had to work Saturday morning, we decided to crash at her place. This was a bad idea. Ashley was almost always running late, which I figured explained her terrible driving technique. We both got a late start and I arrived to my own apartment ten minutes late. Both Glen and my dad were waiting for me when I got there.

"Spencer, where the hell have you been and don't you ever check your cell phone?" Glen demanded. "We've been calling you!"

"Sorry, I don't know what I did with it and I was just taking care of a few things last minute," I lied. In my hurry to leave Ashley's, I had most certainly left it at her place.

"The least you could have done is brought us some coffee if you were out running errands, Spence," my dad teased.

I pulled him into a hug and after releasing me, he grabbed a hot cup of coffee from his car. "Here you go. I need you to be on you're a game if your going to help Glen move today. I'm just here to supervise, right?"

I hit him playfully and we entered my apartment, which was all packed up and ready to go. Glen pulled me aside while my dad was outside loading a few boxes. "You were late because you slept at Ashley's, right?" he asked.

"Maybe," I admitted.

"Dad was freaking out. He kept asking me a million questions," Glen explained.

"I'm sorry Glen," I answered with a forgive me smile.

"Don't apologize. It's actually hilarious to see you all worked up. But seriously, are you two moving in to the new place together? Have you told mom and dad?"

"Not together, together. But we'll probably be spending a lot of time here. And as far as mom and dad are concerned, I will tell them when I'm ready," I explained.

"Well you really need to tell them soon, because you suck at lying," Glen retorted with a smile.

Before I had a chance to respond, he walked out the door with a few boxes in his arms. The move went as well as can be expected. My dad didn't dislocate a disk in his back and I didn't end up having to bitch slap Glen for breaking any of my stuff. After moving everything into the new apartment, I realized that Madison was the one who had everything.

Because I have the most amazing girlfriend in the world, Ashley returned my cell phone as soon as she left work. She even helped me clean my old apartment Sunday morning. After we finished, we back over to our new place and Ashley took a look around.

"What the hell, Spence?" she asked.

"What? It's in transition," I said, trying to justify the disarray of the new apartment.

"We need to go shopping," she said, taking my hand in hers and dragging me out of the apartment.

One of the perks of dating the super sexy, super rich daughter of a rock star is that A. When she offers to pay for a new couch and other items for our place together, I couldn't put up much of a fight and B. The people at the store do anything to make one of their favorite clients happy, including same day delivery of many of the items.

Within a few hours, it actually looked really good in the apartment. Tired out from our unpacking and our shopping spree, we ate leftover pizza for dinner and watched a movie before bed.

"What are you thinking about, Spence?" she asked as we snuggle on our newly delivered couch.

One of the things I love most and least about Ashley, depending on the situation, is how she can read me like a book. I don't have the heart to tell her the fear that I'm feeling deep inside, but I can't ever lie to this girl. There's no secrets between us and I didn't plan on starting now.

"I want to tell my parents next weekend," I said before continuing, "But I don't know how they're going to take it."

She pulled her head away from my shoulder and gave me a compassionate stare. "Are you sure you're ready for this? It's a big step and once it's done, you can't take it back."

I nodded. "I know, but when it comes to you, I'm always sure. You're my best friend, my better half and the love of my life. I need for them to know that too. Like it or not, you're kind of a part of me now. I know they love me. And they love you. I just don't know if they're going to love us."

She gave me a soft smile and kissed me, drawing out this perfect moment even more. Our tongues were slow and gentle as we explored the cavern of each others mouths.

Pulling away, she asked, "Do you want me to be with you when you tell them?"

"Yes, but no. While I'd love to have your support, I need to do this on my own. And I don't know what their reaction is going to be, but if it's not good, it's better if your not around to see."

A look of relief flooded her face and she followed it up with, "Thank God. I didn't want to have to spend my trust money on a weave after Paula pulls the hair from my scalp."

"Aww baby, I'll still love you even with no hair," I said.

"Really, would you still love me if I looked like this?" she asked and contorted her face into some ridiculous pose like she was trying to pick her nose with her tongue.

"Yes," I confirmed after the laughter rumbling in my stomach subsided.

"I love you and that laugh, Spence," she said.

"You know what? Ash, you are late for everything. You insist on feeding me healthy cereal for breakfast. You never let me win when we play Scrabble," I started.

Ashley's face dropped with my first few lines. "Spencer, this is the worst response to I love you, ever."

"Let me finish," I admonished gently. "What I'm trying to say is that there's nothing that could happen to change the fact that I love you."

She smiled and reached for my hand before she responded with, "Spence, you are annoyingly on time for everything. You complain about every cereal I buy and you kinda suck at Scrabble. But yeah, there's no way I could ever not be in love with you."


	37. Chapter 37: Secrets and Lies

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Ashley asked as she searched her purse for her car keys.

It was five fifty six and my parents were due here any minute. We were standing in the kitchen and I could already feel the heat building inside of me. To make matters worse, I was also feeling nauseous and I knew it didn't have anything to do with the smell of the Cornish hens baking in the oven.

"Yeah. I'm so tired of the secrets and lies. We have something really great and I don't want to diminish it by not being able to be honest with my parents. I hate that I've had to keep us a secret from them. I hate that I've had to keep myself and how I feel a secret."

Ashley pulled me into a hug and gave her parting words of encouragement, "Spence, you are going to do great. And whatever happens, I'm only a phone call away. I will be here as soon as you need me, okay?"

With a nod, I replied, "Thanks."

We started to kiss goodbye, but the feeling of her lips against mine felt too good to let go. My mind settled down as I started only to think about how much I craved her kiss without even realizing I was in such desperate need of it. When we were like this, I felt loved, safe and forever hers.

The doorbell chimes pulled us from our state. "I love you," she whispered resting her forehead against mine.

"I love you, too," I returned as I reluctantly broke from the safety of her arms so I could answer the door.

The inevitable was waiting on the other side of the door and it was officially time for me to face it. Ashley followed behind me as I opened the door and revealed my parents standing there anxiously.

Both of my parents entered and we stood in the entranceway exchanging hellos and hugs for a few moments.

"Ashley, are you joining us for dinner tonight?" my dad asked with a huge smile.

He was clearly smitten with her. After all, who wouldn't be?

"No, uh my sister got a very unfortunate perm yesterday and I told her I would help her fix it tonight," she said.

Ashley nervously shifted from foot to foot. I was glad to see I wasn't the only one who sucked at lying. But her excuse to leave made me smile and I found my nerves easing a bit. She didn't waste much time after offering her excuse before seizing her opportunity to leave.

"Dinner should be ready in fifteen minutes," I announced looking at the timer on the oven. "I will give you the tour."

"So, obviously, this is the kitchen. And in here is the living room," I said as we walked the short distance from room to room.

"Spencer, the furniture is gorgeous," my mom commented. "When did you get all this?"

Paula always had an eye for detail. Damn it!

"Ashley and I went shopping for it last weekend," I replied, knowing that today was honesty day.

Hopefully, she didn't realize how expensive these particular pieces of furniture were or how little I was making at my new job. It would have been impossible for me to afford it all on my meager salary. Still unscathed, I continued the tour to my bedroom.

"This is a cute picture," my mom said, picking up the frame from my dresser and examining it.

That's all it took to get my palms sweaty and heart racing. My father was just looking around nonchalantly, completely oblivious to my reaction and my mom was too busy starting at the picture to notice.

"Thanks," I managed to spit out.

I navigated the tour to the bathroom, finally shaking my mother's critical eye from the photo of Ashley and me. My dad poked his head in the door first and gave a nod of approval. My mom followed suit, popping her head into the bathroom. She stopped in the doorway and asked, "Whose extra toothbrush is that?"

Her glance was fixed at the two toothbrushes in the holder on the bathroom counter. My heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest at her question. She had given me a lead in to outing myself at least three different times in the matter of two minutes. She was on to me. Could she be on to me? There's no way she could be on to me.

My mind was racing equally as fast as my heart. My nerve was dwindling by the second. I had planned on telling them during dinner, where there was a table separating us. But then there would be sharp objects and maybe it would be safer to tell her now.

"Uh, it's Ashley's. She crashed here last night," I said.

At least it wasn't another lie. I lied a lot to my parents growing up. It was the only way I could cover up the partying, underage drinking and overall unacceptable behavior I partook in during my formative years. Image was everything and I wasn't an angel. I just knew how to play the part with some success.

Paula seemed sufficiently happy with my explanation, but I was ready to offer more. More than she would need to make her sufficiently unhappy with my explanation.

"Actually, about Ashley," I started.

I had memorized the words in my head, but they were impossibly difficult to say. The lies, the secrets, they were much easier.

"Yes, Spence?" my dad asked sensing the hesitancy or maybe the seriousness in my voice.

Two sets of blue eyes were focused on me. With Glen around growing up, I always wanted to be the center of attention, but his overwhelming personality was always hogging the limelight. Now, I wished I could go back to being the forgotten about youngest child as my parents attention was focused solely on me.

"Well, it's just that…I want you both to know that Ashley is more than just a friend. We're dating actually and I'm in love with her. I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that…I'm gay," I stumbled through my admission.

For a second, I thought I heard the faint whistling sound of a missile streaking through the air right before it blows something up. I still hadn't heard the crash of my mom's hysterical shrieks or my dad's angry words, but it was eerily silent. I know what I had just said wasn't exactly poetry, but both of them just looked at me like I was speaking to them in a foreign language.

My dad was still quietly trying to process the information and my mom was the first one to speak.

"This is a joke, right Spencer?" she asked with a nervous laugh, placing a hand to her chest.

I realized then that I had been holding my breath, waiting for the shitstorm to rain down on me. Knowing that she was looking for an actual answer to that question, I inhaled a deep breath and replied, "No."

In complete denial, she just shook her head and continued, "You're not gay. You can't be gay."

I hated how she stressed the word can't. Like it was so obvious. Like when I was four and I just told her I wanted to be a pony. And I obviously can't be a pony.

Shaking me from my internal flashback, she carried on with a hint of anger in her voice. "I mean we raised you better than that. It's a sin, Spencer. What you're doing…It's a sin."

I felt the anger of her words sear me like a brander. My skin crawled in response. She just made it perfectly clear that my label was unacceptable to her. No amount of preparation could have ever made it possible to bear hearing that. In this moment, I just wanted it all to be over and for my parents to love me for me.

At this realization, the tears began to creep down my face. I was mad at myself for letting them fall and for not being strong enough to stand up to my parents properly. My dad was silent and stoic, but his face contorted at the sight of my tears. "Paula," he interjected firmly, shooting her a look to show he didn't agree with what she had just said.

"I wasn't expecting this to be easy, but you need to know for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm actually myself, not some shell of who everybody thinks I should be. I'm not expecting you to understand all of this instantly, but this is the first time in my entire life that I'm happy just being myself. Isn't that what you want? For me to be happy? Because that's how I feel when I'm with Ashley," I reasoned.

Reasoning doesn't work too well when emotions are involved. "What about your dreams for a family? You're just going to throw it all away?" she barked.

I sighed, not having the appetite for this kind of fight. "That version of a family is your dream for me. I don't know yet what I want from my life, but I can still have a family. Ashley and I can still be and still have a family one day," I rebutted.

Slowly, my dad walked over to me and pulled me into an embrace. "Why don't we all take a breath and we can talk about this like adults after dinner?" he suggested to my mom in particular. I felt like I had been very adult through the whole situation.

"It's okay, Spence," he murmured into the top of my head before placing a kiss there.

Overhearing his attempt to calm me, my mom hissed, "No, it's not okay, Arthur. Did you hear what she just said?"

"Paula, just don't…" he ordered.

I broke free from his arms and said, "No, it's fine dad. Look, mom when you are ready to talk, then talk to me. I don't want to fight about this, because fighting, yelling, arguing…none of it is going to change the way I feel."

"I can't listen to anymore of this. Arthur, I think we should leave. I'll be in the car waiting," she said.

She brushed past my father in her haste, unable to make eye contact with me. My dad looked at me with a pained expression. I knew he was in between a rock and a hard place.

"Don't worry about her Spence. She has her beliefs, but it doesn't change the fact that she loves you. And I know for a fact that she loves you for who you are. It may take some time, but she just might surprise you. After some time for her to cool off, I will talk some sense into her," he said letting me out of his grasp.

"I want to believe that, dad, but I don't know…" I trailed off, not knowing what else to say. I feel like I had already said all I could tonight.

"Well, I am always here for you, Spence. Remember when we talked in the kitchen before the first time you brought Ashley to dinner?"

I nodded my head, thinking back to that day.

"All I need to hear from you is that you won't settle for anything less than that kind of love. When you know, you know. It's just that simple. Don't let anything change that fact," he declared.

"I know. I knew that day and I know every time I see her. She's the one for me," I confirmed.

With a smile, he placed his hand on my shoulder. "Hold on. I'll be right back."

He left my room and I followed him into the kitchen while I checked on dinner. I contemplated what to do with it, since I wasn't hungry at all anymore. My dad exited my apartment and I continued to make myself busy with getting a drink. Minutes later, he returned.

"I gave you mother the keys. I hope you don't mind spending some time with just your old man tonight. You'll have to drive me home. Why don't you call Ashley and see if she wants to join us? I'm sure Kyla's perm will be magically fixed," he said with a knowing wink.

I smiled, loving that there was some semblance of normalcy with at least one of my parents. I couldn't believe how well he was taking the news. I shook my head and replied, "No, that's okay. I want to spend some time with just you tonight."

After dinner, I dropped my dad off and made the drive back to my place. It was already almost ten by the time I left my parents house, but I still wanted Ashley to come over so I could tell her about my night. When I pulled into my spot, I saw a very familiar looking Porsche in the spot next to mine.

I practically ran into the apartment, knowing she would be there waiting for me. I opened the door and Ashley bounded out of my room. "Thank God, Spence," she said pulling me into a bone crushing hug. "I just got here and I was freaking out because I hadn't heard anything and your car wasn't here. I wanted to make sure they didn't ship you off to a nunnery or something. I was just about to call. How did it go?" she babbled.

"Better than I expected?" I questioned, not sure how to answer the question. "My mom didn't take it well at all and left. But my dad is quite happy for us. He stayed for dinner and I just dropped him off," I said.

I led her to the couch and told her everything that happened in detail and she just held onto me.

"I know you're probably sick of parents after tonight, but I was hoping you'd want to meet my dad. I talked to him tonight and he's going to be in town for Kyla's birthday next week," she announced with a smile on her face.

"Really?" I asked nervously. Meeting parents is daunting enough without one of them being huge rockstar.

"Yes, crazy," she confirmed. She searched my face for my reaction and asked, "Are you nervous?"

"Maybe a little bit, but after tonight, I can handle anything," I said.

It was true. I felt like any challenge was nothing after the strength it took me today to let my parents in on the truth.

Ashley widened her smile even more before she clarified, "So you'll meet him?"

"Are you kidding me? I'd love to meet you dad and not because he's some famous rockstar. I need to thank him for you," I affirmed.

She rolled her eyes at me and replied, "Don't lay it on too thick. He doesn't like getting bullshit on his designer boots."

"Fine," I sulked at her dismissal of my kind words. "Do you think I should ask him to sign my bra instead?"

I flashed her my trademark smile and she just shook her head like she didn't know what to do with me.

"Dear God. Can I take back my invitation?" she asked.

"No way. You're stuck with me, now Davies," I countered.

She looked at me seriously and I just focused on her eyes as she replied, "I'm totally fine with that."


	38. Chapter 38: Secrets, Lies, BDay Surprise

A/N: So this one is a LONG one and I thought about breaking it up into multiple chapters…but I'm kind of on a little streak with the whole theme of secrets and lies concept so, here it is in all it's wordy, lengthy glory...or lack thereof depending on your opinion. There's definitely going to be some shakeups in a few different ships by the end of this.

Lies are what we tell to keep our secrets safe. From the second the first lie worked for a human, there they were falling out of mouths like apples from trees. As children, we figured out that sometimes a little lie could protect us from certain punishment and sometimes a lie would make it worse. Growing up, lies became worth the risk more. The more frequently we told them, they became easier to execute. We got smarter, more calculated. We realized that liars prosper and honesty just hurts.

We said untrue things not to hurt people, we told lies to cause pain. We continued to lie to keep our secrets safe.

Sometimes, the truth and a lie are so similar, it becomes difficult to tell them apart. The thing with both the truth and lies are that if you don't say it out loud, it's not a lie or a truth…it's just a thought . But once it leaves your lips, well that's when things get tricky.

I learned this the hard way last week. I still hadn't heard from my mom since that time, but either way my continued lies or the moment of truth were going to damage our relationship.

Still, Ashley has been wonderful this past week. I know she can tell that I've been bothered by what happened between my mom and I. Tonight, I wasn't going to be thinking about my family. It was all about Ashley and her family.

I was nervous. Not only was I going out to dinner to meet my girlfriend's father, but he was Raife Davies. Rumor had it the man once choked out a valet who returned his car with a scratch. For Kyla's dinner, Ashley had made reservations for all of us at Kyla's favorite restaurant. Hopefully, Kyla didn't mind that I'd be tagging along. Her birthday dinner would be when I met Raife, but Kyla had grown to be like the sister I never had. I didn't want to monopolize any father daughter time.

I was wearing a very tight and very low cut black dress that could pass for rocker chic. I never felt like I was very good at pulling off that vibe, but tonight, everything seemed to click. I must have checked myself out in the mirror fifty times before I left, just to make sure I looked just right.

I rang the bell and patiently waited, when Ashley answered the door. "There you are, beautiful. I've been waiting to see you all day," she greeted me and kissed me softy. "You look amazing. I'm starting to wish I hadn't set this up with my dad and Kyla. I want you all to myself."

My eyes danced around her body. She was wearing a curve hugging pair of shorts and a vest that showed more skin than it covered. Tonight, she had opted to straighten her hair and even had a poof in the front, which to me, suited her personality. She was flawless and I fumbled at my response.

"Yeah, such a bad idea. I really want to meet your dad, but if I have to look at you in this outfit all night, I'm probably not going to be able to get out any coherent sentences," I agreed.

She looked hurt, "I must be wearing too many clothes, then," she started as she began to unbutton her vest. "Because I just understood every word you said."

I just gulped as her hands slowly began to free her from those pesky clothes. Although I was completely focused on Ashley, Kyla came bounding into the room in even less clothes, turning my attention to her momentarily before I went back to staring at Ashley's chest.

"Hey, Spencer," she called to acknowledge by presence, but too distracted to notice to the precarious situation she had just walked in on.

I offered a weak hello back to her and Kyla continued to walk past us, and into her room with an iron in her hand while she was inspecting the dress she was going to wear tonight.

Ashley leaned in closer to me and breathed heavily on my neck. "Payback's a bitch. Now you know how I felt with all of those cheerleading stories," she teased.

"You are mean. Maybe we should leave early tonight then to give Kyla and your dad some much needed father daughter bonding time," I suggested. "Then we can have some much needed Spencer and Ashley bonding time."

"Spencer Carlin. I hit the jackpot with you. Brains, beauty and a dirty mind," she said with a smile.

We started to kiss and Kyla sauntered out into the living room, still clad in only her bra and underwear. Ashley and I just looked at each other, knowing how unfortunate having a roommate could be.

"Geez, can't you guys even wait to close the door," Kyla commented, noticing us and the fact that the front door was still wide open this time.

Reluctantly, Ashley and I pulled away from each other, knowing if we kept going like this, we most certainly wouldn't be making it to dinner tonight. I shut the door and rejoined my focus on the banter between the two sisters.

"I don't know. Can't you put on some clothes for a change?" Ashley shot back at her sister.

"Why? What are you afraid of? That Spencer will realize which sister's got the goods?" she joked shaking her butt in our direction.

"Get outta here and stop shaking your boney ass at us! We're going to be late if we don't leave in ten minutes," Ashley reminded her.

"One, my ass is not boney. Two, aren't you supposed to be nice to me because it's my birthday? And three, since when have you ever arrived anywhere on time?"

I had to laugh at that last one about being on time. Ashley frowned and chided, "Don't encourage her, Spence. She just learned how to count yesterday after watching an episode of Sesame Street and now she thinks she's smarter than everyone."

"Yes, but at least I can tell time," Kyla retorted.

Ashley rolled her eyes and Kyla walked back into her room and continued, "She's lucky it's her birthday." Ashley's face softened a bit and she said, "I have some bad news for you, Spence."

My heart was pounding as I wondered what kind of bad news she could possibly want to tell me. Luckily I wasn't left hanging for long.

"Don't worry. Everything's going to be fine. But my dad and I are throwing a surprise party back here for Kyla tonight. So you and I won't have any much alone time to do what I really want to do to you, especially since there aren't any doors here."

As disappointed as I was knowing I wouldn't be able to see Ashley finish the strip tease she gave me, I was relieved upon hearing the bad news was not anything earth shattering. I had already waited so long to find Ashley, I would be fine waiting a while longer to plunder her body.

"Is your dad going to be cool with us?" I asked trying hard to change the subject to anything that did not involve images of Ashley's naked body in my head.

"Absolutely. He was around to see the questionable choices I made when I was on self destruct mode a few years ago. One of those questionable choices was a girl named Paige. She kept my addictions fed, but she stole everything she could get her hands on. Including one of my dad's guitars at a party at his house. Now that I'm clean, he just wants me to be happy. And you, Spencer, make me very happy. He'll be able to tell you're a keeper from the second he meets you. And that's even if you aren't your charming self and speak in incoherent sentences all night long."

Before I had a chance to respond, Kyla entered in her freshly ironed her dress and we left right away. Ashley offered to drive Kyla's car and got us there with enough speed to make a Nascar driver blush. We arrived in one piece at a really upscale sushi restaurant and were immediately guided into a private room. Raife was already sitting at the decorated table waiting for us. It sounded weird for me to even think about him on a first name basis.

"Look at my girls," he said, extending his arms. "Happy Birthday, sweetheart!"

Kyla squealed and ran into the open space, filling his arm span. "Thanks dad!" Kyla beamed into his chest.

Ashley was swallowed in his arms next and he gave her a kiss on the top of her head. For a second, I completely forgot he was Raife Davies, the man who's poster was hanging in my dad's man cave next to a signed Ozzie Newsome Cleveland Browns jersey. If I didn't know better, I would have just assumed he was just another proud father like mine. Maybe him and Arthur could even hang out someday.

"Hey dad," Ashley said. "I want you to meet my girlfriend, Spencer."

She pulled out of the hug, allowing Raife to step forward and scoop me into a hug. I was completely caught off guard by it. My dad was going to be so jealous when I told him I hugged Raife Davies.

"So nice to meet you, Spencer. I just had to meet the girl that's captured my Ashley's heart," he said.

I guess sweet talking runs in the family. I blushed at his kind words and mumbled out a, "It's nice to meet you too."

Ashley smacked him on the arm playfully, completed with an embarrassed, "Dad!"

"When it comes to family, payback's a bitch," I whispered into her ear. "Can't wait to hear some embarrassing Ashley stories tonight."

I stepped back and took my seat at the table with an evil smile in Ashley's direction. Tonight, I was going to get the lowdown on the Davies sisters.

Much of the night was all about Kyla, of course, and my lame present of a new yoga mat for her was overshadowed by the set of keys for a Mercedes Raife slid across the table.

"Is this for the AMG I saw out in the parking lot?" Kyla screamed.

"A little birdie told me you wanted one," Raife smiled looking over at Ashley, who was clearly his accomplice in the whole surprise. She had a goofy grin on her face, knowing she had scored a major victory with her sister and father.

The huge smiles on the members of the Davies family were contagious and I found myself sporting one too, even though I had not just been handed the keys to a car that was worth far more than my student loans.

"Raife Badass Davies is a pushover?" I quipped in Ashley's ear.

Ashley nodded, "He's definitely getting soft in his old age."

"I am not getting soft, Ashley. And my hearing is also fine in my old age," he shot back. "Kyla, can you take your old man for a spin? We can go get an ice cream from that place you love so much. Let's see what this baby can do!" Raife exclaimed. "If you want, Spencer, I can beat up a cop while I'm out so I can my Raife Badass Davies moniker in tact."

He winked in my direction to let me know he was only teasing, but it was still humbling. At his comment, I just flashed my most innocent smile, since I had clearly been busted and there was nothing else to do.

"Ashley, she is wonderful. How can you ever stay mad at her?" Raife asked.

Parents always loved me. It was one of the few talents I had. It was nice to see I had been able to win over another one, and quite honestly the most important one.

"Well, that hasn't been an issue," Ashley responded and intertwined her fingers in mine.

"Spencer, it was so nice to meet you. I hope you don't mind me taking off with Kyla?" he asked, giving me and Ashley a knowing look that we would damn well be seeing him later tonight.

"No, not at all. It was so great meeting you. If you think of anymore embarrassing Ashley or Kyla stories, you know where to find me!" I added.

Kyla and her dad started to walk out of the private room, leaving me and Ashley alone for a moment.

"Spence, you need to shut it before I really do get mad at you," Ashley warned with a sparkle in her eye.

"Why don't you come here and shut it for me?" I challenged.

Ashley stepped confidently in my direction and pulled me into her. I groaned at the feeling of her body next to mine again. She was quick to fill the space between us with her careless kisses. Her tongue moved expertly over mine, building my desire with every sweep. She drew me in, pulling me into her with the suction of her lips. The pressure of her lips on mine was replaced with air too quickly as she pulled away.

I don't know how Kyla felt about them, but I was really starting to hate surprise parties. "Come on, baby. We've got to get back to the loft, so you can spend some more time with my dysfunctional family."

"Thank you for letting me meet your dad. He's really great," I said as we walked out of the restaurant.

She gave me a nose crinkling smile, "I know. He's pretty amazing. I just wish he was around more. I thought he would stop touring eventually, but he loves it too much," she finished with a hint of disappointment.

I squeezed her hand and we walked out to the car. Ashley and I arrived back at the loft and the party was already in full swing. The planner had managed to get everything set up and briefed Ashley upon our arrival. Meanwhile, I searched the party and found a familiar face with Chelsea who was without Sean tonight.

"Hey Spencer. Here, it's time to do some shots?" she demanded as she placed a glass into my empty hand.

"Hey Chels. What's wrong?" I asked and we took our shots together.

"It's Sean. He's moving to New York City soon when this project gets wrapped up. I don't know if we're going to make it," she confided.

"I'm sure you guys will be all right. Is it permanent?" I asked.

"I don't know. It's possible," she admitted. "The thing that sucks is that he never even asked me to come with him. New York has such a great art scene and he didn't even think about me."

Chelsea and I spent much of the night working through her problems and working through a bottle of Patron. The memories were all a blur to me. Kyla was definitely surprised when she arrived. I remember telling Chelsea that Glen still had feelings for her, but I don't remember what her reaction was to that. I do, however remember drunk dialing Glen to tell him. When I returned, Chelsea was drawing random pictures on peoples arms with a sharpie. I also remember having sex with Ashley in the bathroom, because it was one of the few rooms with doors and Tequila always turned me into a bit of a slut. I hoped Raife hadn't been there to witness our pre and post coitus grope fest, because I was all hands and tongue last night. I was rounding bases faster than Derek Jeter.

Miraculously, I woke up without a hangover and also without any clothes on. At least, I wasn't the only one. Ashley was also completely naked in bed with me. I looked down at us and saw that below my belly button, there was ASHLEY'S with a downward arrow facing towards my crotch. I looked over at Ashley and she had the matching SPENCER's - version which was at least in my handwriting. While I didn't remember that, I really wished I had. I stumbled around the room and put on some clothes before wandering into the kitchen to get myself a much needed glass of water. Chelsea was passed out on the couch, the only other party guest who stayed the night. She too had sharpie on her arms that read VAN GOGH.

Ashley followed shortly after me and we began to clean up the loft. Surprisingly, it didn't take too long and a very hungover Chelsea even pitched in to help. The three of us decided to go out to breakfast and she left after we got back, leaving Kyla in her hangover misery.

Before we knew it, it was Sunday evening. Ashley and I were lounging on the couch, watching a movie together before we went to bed. Kyla had been holed up in her room all day, only leaving to make a run to the drug store to as she put it, "Stop the kangaroo's bouncing in her head and keep the bile in her stomach where it belonged."

She returned from the drug store and went promptly back into her room for an hour. Eventually, she emerged, pale faced and teary eyed.

"Are you going to be okay?" Ashley asked, concerned. "This is the longest hangover, ever."

"No," Kyla replied weakly, tugging at her oversized t-shirt. "It's not a hangover."

"Bad sushi from last night?" I asked.

Kyla shook her head and I noticed she was starting to shake. She wrapped her arms around herself. Ashley shot up from the couch, sensing that something was horribly wrong. She pulled Kyla into an embrace and Kyla began to sob uncontrollably into Ashley's arms. There was an awkward silence while Kyla pulled herself together and slumped onto an oversized footrest.

I wasn't sure if I should stay, so I sat up from the couch and began to head into Ashley's bedroom to give them privacy.

"No, stay," Kyla called after me.

I froze in place and watched as Ashley sat next to Kyla rubbing her hands on her sister's forearms. Kyla hung her head and looked over at Ashley with sad eyes.

"Stop. Stop being so good to me," she feebly commanded. "I don't deserve it."

Ashley darted her eyes, trying to search her sister's face for the answers that weren't evident. Ashley ran hand through a stray group of bangs that hung over Kyla's puffy eyes.

"What's wrong, Ky?" Ashley prodded.

Kyla heaved in a shaky breath before she dropped the bombshell, "I'm pregnant."

I fought to stay fixed in place not to flinch at her announcement. The questions began to swirl in my mind and luckily Ashley asked the most pressing ones.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I just took three different tests today and they all came back positive," Kyla confirmed starting to weep again.

I got up and got a box of tissues from a nearby table, finally able to put myself to some good us. I handed them to Ashley and stood in the middle of the living room as Kyla came clean about her situation.

"Are you going to keep it?" Ashley asked.

"I don't know yet," Kyla shrugged.

Ashley kissed Kyla on the forehead and wrapped her arms around her sister. Still in shock, Ashley continued softly, "Do you know who the father is?"

Her questions weren't judgmental or demanding, just sympathetically trying to understand. Kyla nodded, more tears pushing their way to the surface and racing down her cheeks.

"Who is he?" Ashley asked.

Kyla just sat there, not able to respond. She began to choke on her sobs while Ashley ran her fingers over her back.

"I should…I should leave," I offered still feeling like an outsider on this whole situation.

As I turned to leave for the second time, Kyla choked out, "No, don't leave Spencer. I'm going to need witnesses."

I always knew pregnant women could get a little crazy, but I figured that usually came after the second trimester. Equally as confused by Kyla's statement as I was, Ashley questioned, "Witnesses for what?"

"The father…It's Aiden," Kyla admitted through body shaking sobs.

"What?" Ashley checked, standing up from the ottoman she was sharing with Kyla.

Ashley began to pace around the room, wild-eyed. "Aiden. My Aiden?" Ashley asked.

I cringed at the sound of _My Aiden_ rolling off her lips. She was still in shock, so she probably didn't mean it like that. Nonetheless, part of my heart pained to hear those words.

"Ash…I'm so sorry…" Kyla trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"No. Don't even say your sorry, Kyla! You are so lucky your pregnant right now, otherwise I'd beat you senseless. Not that there's much sense left to beat out. How could you sleep with him, Ky?" Ashley demanded.

Ashley was starting to cry now too. Part of me wanted to be the one to wipe away the tears and make everything better. Part of me wanted to walk out of the room, sickened by how much this bothered her. Still another part of me was mad at myself for thinking like that. How could she not be affected? It was one of the most ultimate betrayals I had ever witnessed.

"Why does it even matter, Ash? It's been years and your with Spencer now," Kyla yelled.

I certainly wasn't enjoying my name being thrown around in this conversation as if I wasn't in the room right now, watching it all unfold.

"Yeah, but that doesn't change the fact that you slept with my ex-boyfriend!" Ashley fumed.

This whole situation was starting to get too intense for me. Slowly, I made my way to the couch and sat down. I was feeling light headed and didn't think passing out in the middle of this was the best thing to do.

Ashley had stopped pacing, waiting for Kyla to respond.

"I'm sorry. It was a moment of weakness," Kyla finally offered.

"When?" Ashley continued, her anger set in stone on her face. Kyla hesitated, so Ashley asked again, "When did it happen Kyla?"

"The night of the show. The night you two got into the fight," she answered glancing at both Ashley and me.

Silence fell over the room as all of us thought back to that fateful night. I guess it hadn't been just a shitty night for Ashley and me. The details I had tried to block out, all came rushing into my mind. The game of questions. My story about Zoe. Ashley noticing Aiden. Aiden and Madison making out. Madison.

"Wait," I interjected. It wasn't my place, but I was completely confused as my brain scrambled to put the story together. "He was there with Madison that night."

It wasn't a question, more of a statement of fact, but Kyla knew she had some explaining to do.

"After you two left, I needed to get away from that guy I was with. I ended up talking to Madison and told her about your history," she started, looking at Ashley intently.

"After hearing what I had to say, Madison broke up with him. She was brutal. She left and Aiden looked devastated. He said he really liked her and asked me if he had been a total asshole the whole time he was with you. I told him no. Before Europe, he treated you well, Ash. One thing led to another and we had sex in his car. It was not my finest moment. We decided that it would just be a one time thing, otherwise it would just get way to complicated," she finished with a sniff, knowing it just got a whole lot more complicated than she ever anticipated.

"Do you have feelings for him?" Ashley pressed.

"I think I always have," Kyla admitted. "You know I would never do anything intentionally to hurt you, right? And if I could take it back, I would."

"I don't know. This isn't like the time you spilled your latte on my prom dress. I can't hear anymore. I need you to leave," Ashley demanded, her hands on her hips.

"What…where do you expect me to go?" Kyla asked.

"I don't care. It's not my problem," Ashley returned coldly.

Kyla cocked her head to the side, "I'm your sister. Doesn't that mean anything?"

"I don't know, Kyla. Did it mean anything to you when you slept with my boyfriend?" Ashley asked.

I swallowed the lump that was building in my throat. There was no ex in that description of Aiden.

"Don't you mean ex-boyfriend?" Kyla questioned, shooting me a stare as if she wanted my assistance in fighting this one with Ashley.

I locked my gaze with Kyla and then looked away to the floor. I knew immediately Ashley's eyes were on me, picking up on her Fruedian slip. I could feel the heat of them as she backpedaled.

"Spence, I didn't mean it like that," she offered.

It didn't matter how she meant it, to me it only mattered that the words left her lips. I don't know that night why I had been so worried about Aiden that night when I first saw Ashley look at him at the bar, but there was something inside of me that knew. He would always have a piece of her heart. And that meant that piece would never be mine.

I hung my head, still not able to make eye contact with Ashley. My jaw was clenched and I just nodded, afraid that if I opened my mouth, I wouldn't have any control over the words that would spill out. And I wouldn't mean any of them, but there was a dark part of me that wanted a way to hurt her the same way she had just hurt me.

Torn between wanting to help Kyla who was devastated, my loyalty to Ashley, and the hurt I felt after Ashley made it evident there was something lingering for Aiden, I just sat there frozen in the silence after the storm.

Ashley made my choice easy, by stomping off into her room. Kyla stood and I met her and pulled her into a hug. It just seemed like the right thing to do and my body was reacting on auto-pilot. All I could think was how we were in almost the same situation the night everything fell apart a few months ago. This time the roles were reversed and she was the one sobbing in my arms as I tried to assure her everything would be okay.

"Ky, I know you're going through a lot right now and I'm here for you, you know that right?"

Although I didn't agree with what she did to Ashley at all, she needed a little compassion right now. Her world was just starting and before it even began, it was already crashing down. I could relate to her having to have the courage to tell her secrets to her family, knowing it wouldn't be received well. Not to mention the fact that she had so many decisions to be made and probably couldn't trust herself to make a single one. Now, she was having to make choices for two.

Kyla nodded and slowly began to compose herself. I continued, "Here is the key to my place. It might not be a bad idea to give Ashley some space to process this."

I pulled a spare key off my ring and placed it in her hand. Kyla stumbled off towards her room, probably to collect her things. Before she reached the doorway, she turned back to me and said softly, "Thanks, Spencer."

"Anytime," I returned. As soon as she was out of earshot, I heaved a sigh of relief. What I really wanted to do was slump into the couch, but I knew I needed to face Ashley. Wearily, I walked into her room and Ashley was sitting on her bed, playing the guitar.

"Hey," I announced, stopping myself from asking how she was. Even I wasn't going to allow my words to step on that land mine.

She looked up at me with tear filled eyes, her fingers never stopping as she replied, "Hey," back to me.

The tension between us was palpable and every step I took towards her was like walking underwater. I was still mad and the wrong words between us could break me. I knew she was still upset and it made it that much more possible for one of those wrong words to slip out.

When it came to Ashley, this wasn't the first time I had been scared of what her words could do to me. From the first few minutes we met, I knew that with just a few simple words she could tell me that she didn't want me in her life and I would obey unquestionably. I would give her whatever she asked of me, even if it meant certain pain for myself. So I was afraid, because of all of the things I couldn't control in my life, the possibility of life without her was unfathomable, and could so easily be taken from me.

I made my way to the bed and sat a few feet away from her, closing my eyes and listening to the melody she played. My mind wound down from the craziness of tonight, thankful for the silence between us. Ashley stopped playing and put the guitar back on it's stand. She sat down on the bed and rested her head in my lap. My hands found their way to her curls and I wished I could erase everything that happened with a few strokes of my fingers.

"Spence," she mumbled.

"Yeah, Ash," I replied.

"Will you just lay here with me for a while?" Ashley asked.

"Of course. Anything for you," I said.

We curled into bed and she pulled me close to her while we laid in silence. It was dark and I couldn't see her eyes which I had learned to read by now. Not being able to see them, I wished she would to lie to me. To tell me she didn't mean what she said or the way she said it about Aiden. I wanted to hear the lies that she wanted to take back those words as soon as she said them. But I was sick of the lies and the truth and secrets and surprises and babies and ex-boyfriends. All I wanted was to go back to a time where none of them existed, but that was impossible. Ashley had already fallen asleep and I shut my eyes so I could escape to my dreams where I could shut out reality for a while.


	39. Chapter 39: Nightmares

A/N: Wow! I don't even know where to begin to address all the reviews, other than to say thanks for all of them, even the ones that made me have low self esteem today. I don't know who everybody is more mad at, Ashley, Aiden, Kyla, Spencer or me? I knew the story needed a little kick, because even though I don't know how it's possible, I'm pretty sure Spashley spelled backwards is D_R_A_M_A. If your reading this, it means you haven't completely given up on my story, so thank you and I hope you enjoy! Hopefully this chapter will show that Spencer's not a total spineless jellyfish and Ashley is not cruel bitchface.

"Spence, wake up," I heard.

It was Ashley's voice pulling me from my treacherous dreams. Dreams that involved Ashley and Aiden holding a newborn baby. My brain was still trying to process the aftermath of everything that happened and the uncertainty between us before we went to bed.

"Spence, wake up," she repeated.

My heart was beating from the vague recollection of my nightmares and the urgency in Ashley's voice. For a second, it felt like a dream within a dream and I was afraid she only wanted to wake me up to hurt me again, like she had in all my tormented visions tonight.

I sucked in as much air as I could before responding groggily, "I'm up, I'm up."

I rubbed my eyes and squinted, trying to make out even her outline, but it was still too dark to tell. I looked over at the clock and with my cloudy and dry contacts made out that it was two-thirty. We had only been in bed for three hours.

"What's wrong?" I asked into the darkness.

"I need to talk to you," she pleaded.

My chest tightened as her demand wrapped around my windpipe like and iron fist. I wasn't sure I'd be able to keep back the anger I had momentarily put aside before we fell asleep. My brain was playing tricks on me, already thinking of the hundred different scenarios that involved her changing her mind about wanting me to stay and me just losing it. Those thoughts were quickly wiped away by the blazing white light that flooded into my unprepared pupils as Ashley clicked on the lamp on the nightstand.

"It's too bright," I grumbled, still half asleep.

I shielded my closed eyes with the back of my hand, gradually allowing my eyes to get used to the light. Once I was able to keep them open, my eyes met hers. Ashley looked scared. I'd never seen her look this scared before. Instinctively, I reached out and pulled her closer.

"Don't leave me. I kept dreaming that you left me. And when I woke up now, your arms weren't around me. So I need you to tell me that your not leaving me," she cried hysterically, burying her face into my shoulder. Ashley wrapped her arms tightly around me and she was clinging onto me for dear life. I could feel her trembling against me, so I began to rub her back.

"I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me too," I replied. "But I need some answers, Ash."

Sometimes our love made me stronger and sometimes it made me weak. There were times like now, when even I didn't know which one I was.

Finally, she calmed down and pulled back from me slightly, so she could continue to look in my eyes. I could tell she was searching to find how I felt. But she wasn't going to find it there, because I was too confused to make up my mind.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. "That should have been the first thing I said when you walked into the room tonight. I never meant to hurt you."

"But you did hurt me, Ash. I don't know if I can forgive you until I know that there is nothing there between you and Aiden. The way you reacted made me sick to my stomach. I get that it hurt and I don't have a sister so I don't know how you felt, but I guess I thought it shouldn't matter. I know how I feel about you and I hoped that if you felt the same way about me, it wouldn't matter," I returned, still resentful.

"I owe you so many apologies, Spence. But more importantly, I owe you an explanation," she began.

Tears were falling onto her pillow and she stared at me waiting for some sort of acknowledgement to continue.

After nodding my head, she hesitantly began to preface her disclosure, "I am going to tell you something that not even Kyla knows."

She reached out for my hand and curled it into hers. "Four years ago, right after I came back home from France, I felt awful and it was more than just from the breakup. I found out I was pregnant with Aiden's baby. I had no idea what to do. I wasn't sure I was even going to keep it after everything that happened between us. After thinking it through, I decided that I was going to keep it and if it was a girl, I was going to name her Sophia."

She paused with a smile on her face and even I imagined Ashley's baby with her brown eyes. Ashley's smile quickly faded as she continued, "Ultimately the decision to keep the baby wasn't mine. I had a miscarriage a few days later and after I lost the baby, I lost my mind."

"Ash," I interjected. I was at a complete loss for words so I offered a humble, "I'm so sorry."

Ashley squeezed my hand and continued, "I buried myself in anything that could possibly take away the pain. For one second, I had thought that all the bullshit would be worth it and then my future was taken away from me just like that. Kyla assumed my downward spiral was partly because of Aiden and partly because I wasn't in the band. I couldn't even bring myself to tell her about it or anyone else for that matter until now. I needed you to know because I don't want any secrets between us. They've done enough damage today."

I could tell she meant it, but I still had so many questions that were unanswered. Before I asked, I stopped myself, wondering if this was really what I wanted. I had to know. It was the most important question and I could be patient, but right now this was the most pressing need I had.

"Do you still love him?" I questioned timidly.

She pulled her hand from it's resting position on my side and brought it to my cheek. She swept away a few stray hairs from my face and kept her palm cupping my face.

"I did four years ago, but I don't anymore. I haven't in a long, long time," she revealed. "Spencer, I have never felt and will never feel the way I feel when I'm with you with anyone else. I am yours for as long as you'll have me," she declared with a smile.

"Really?" I checked.

"Yes. I never thought I could possibly do anything to make you doubt that," she closed her eyes to relive the scenario that played out earlier tonight before she continued, "But I did. My reaction, it was wrong. When Kyla told me she was pregnant, all I could think was of all the people on the planet, why did it had to be Aiden's baby? The news forced to think about the life I left behind and I wasn't ready to face it because I had gotten so good at tucking it away deep inside of me. When my emotions surfaced, I turned into the nineteen year old version of myself. I hated that version of myself. And right there in the living room I was her and while it happened I felt like I wasn't even in my own body. Losing the baby was the worst day of my life until today when I thought I lost you. Even just the nightmares of losing you made me empty. I know this can't possibly make everything ok between us but Spencer I can't lose you too. Please forgive me."

I sighed as I contemplated her apology. It didn't erase the words she spoke but it did give me a little I offered, "Ash I'm so sorry for what happened and your not going to lose me. I just don't know what all of this means for us."

Tears continued to slide from her eyes as the words left my mouth. The part of me that wanted to see her hurt by my words, just witnessed it. It wasn't intentional. It wasn't satisfying. It was just empty. I felt the air leave my lungs and breath was hard to find and not in the good way like when we kissed or when she said my nickname.

"I promise you that there are no lies between us Spence. I'm sorry there ever were. The truth is that there is no part of me that wishes I was still with Aiden. As horrible as it all was, I'm glad it happened because it led me to you," she finished.

I believed her. I believed every word and I knew that she needed me to accept her apology as much as she had needed to apologize.

"No more secrets?" I checked.

"No," she confirmed.

"Ok. I forgive you, Ash. But you need to talk to Kyla. Soon! She needs to know this, too," I urged.

"I know," she sighed.

"Can we go to bed now?" I asked.

Ashley just nodded and turned off the light on the nightstand. Her body was soft and warm next to mine moment later. She draped her arms around me and breathed on my lips her simple command, "Kiss me, Spence. I need to know we're going to be all right."

I moved forward to fill the gap between us, feeling her still trembling lips against mine. The sensation sent a chill up my spine as I realized that from our very first kiss, it managed to remove all my fears and it always would.


	40. Chapter 40: Love is a Battlefield

A/N: Not sure if I want to post this because I have a sick disease that I like being liked. But that being said, I have a feeling this is going to continue to ruffle some feathers! It's only temporary, I will make you like me again at some point! Without divulging too much, just know that I'm trying to stay true to take some events of what happened in the show and weave them in the fic. There's going to be a few points of correlation, but maybe with different characters or different outcomes. Confused yet? It's okay if you are. I sooo am.

Forgiving Ashley came easily to me. Probably too easy. Forgetting was the hard part. Forgetting is always the hard part.

Today at work, I was completely distracted. I must have watched the same clip while I was editing at least twelve times without really paying attention. I heard a gentle knock on the open door, which pulled me from my frustrated state.

"Hey, Spencer," Sean said taking a few steps towards me. "How's it going?"

I smiled over at him and gave a fake, "Pretty good."

I figured the less I said, the more chance I had at pulling off my lie. He shook his head like he wasn't buying it.

"Oh really? Is that why you've been watching the same take like it's the DVR of your favorite episode of Glee?" he shot back.

"Sorry, I guess I'm a little off today," I admitted.

Sean closed the distance between us, pulling the empty chair from the table and taking a seat next to me. I took a quick look into his eyes. I had so much to be thankful for because of him and yet, I was still a little upset about him just up and leaving Chelsea. Work didn't seem like the best place to bring that up, though.

"It's okay. Just don't let it happen again," he teased with a smile. "After all, I just recommended you to take my spot here when I move to New York in a few weeks. I don't want you destroying my credibility."

Sean kept a smile plastered on his face as he spoke to let me know he was only kidding about sullying his reputation.

"What? Are you serious?" I stammered.

Sean placed a hand to his chest and replied, "As a heart attack. The job is pretty much yours. Everybody loves you work and they can't wait to get you on the payroll permanently. I submitted the recommendation to my boss today and once it's approved, you'll probably hear something in a few days."

"Sean, I can't thank you enough!" I squealed and pulled him into a quick hug.

My outburst garnered a few dirty looks from a few of the others working, but I didn't care. This was exactly what I needed. I couldn't wait to tell…Ashley. Fuck my brain. All thoughts ended up right back to those six letters. My excitement abruptly faded at how there was still something dividing us, even if it was only in my head, and Sean picked up on it.

He reached a hand to my arm and prodded, "Are you all right?"

"I'll be ok. It's just a little weird between Ashley and me. We got into a fight or something this weekend," I confessed, not sure what to call it.

He nodded in agreement, "I feel you. I'm there with Chelsea right now. She's pissed that I took this job. We got in a big fight pretty much right after I told her Friday. I've got about a month left, but she is not happy about it. I couldn't not take this opportunity, though."

Remembering what Chelsea told me the other night I asked, "Have you ever considered asking her to go with you?"

"I have, but I don't know if it's going to be permanent. I figured I would see what happens and we'd cross that bridge when we got there," Sean explained.

"You should tell her that or give her the chance to give her some input. She probably thinks you've just gone and made a huge decision without even considering her," I offered.

Guys could be so dense. Communication was never their forte. While I realized I probably wasn't in any position to be dispensing romantic advice, I figured this couldn't hurt. After all, those who can't do teach. So those who fuck up their own lives, give advice. Which pretty much made me an expert.

"I always knew you were a smart one, Carlin," he proclaimed. "Anything you want to talk to me about with Ashley?"

"No, I think it's just one of those things that will take a little time," I said.

"All right. You know I got your back if you need anything, right?" he confirmed.

I nodded at my mentor, knowing he was too laid back just like me to provide me with some earth shattering revelation that would save my brain from the uncertainty. I needed someone high strung who didn't take any bullshit. I needed Madison.

"Now, get back to work so you can make me look good!" Sean directed as he stood up from his chair and walked out of the room. I felt marginally better than I had a few minutes ago and at least had a few other things to distract me from my task at hand.

After work, I left a message for Madison to call me back when she got a chance. I went straight back to my apartment, knowing Ashley wouldn't get out of her lessons tonight until later. My keys weren't even in the door yet and I head loud music blaring from inside. I swept open the door, wondering what I would find as I waked in.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw next. Kyla was singing Pat Benatar into the handle of my Swiffer, dancing around while cleaning my kitchen. Since her back was to me and the music was so loud, she didn't notice I had gotten in. I watched as she fist pumped into the air while belting out the lyrics _Heartache to heartache_. The back of her pony tail was bopping to the beat, so I set my purse on the floor and strode up behind her, grabbing a spatula and making it my microphone.

There was something too perfect and carefree about this moment to pass up. It was exactly what I needed after this crazy couple of days. During the chorus, I joined in and she bolted up in shock.

"Holy crap, Spencer! You scared me to death!" she yelled over the music, clearly embarrassed.

Her cheeks were flushed with red color. I wasn't sure if it was from the dancing, the singing or getting caught in an eighties movie moment, but I couldn't stifle my laugh.

"Sorry…What are you doing?" I asked, straining my voice to make it audible to Kyla.

Kyla skipped over to my iPod dock and with a few taps, a silence fell over the room. She hesitated to make eye contact before providing her simple explanation. "I just wanted to make myself useful. I hope you don't mind. There are two things that help me get my mind off of my problems. Eighties music and cleaning."

"Mind? I most certainly don't! You can stay here as long as you want if your going to clean this place. The toilet could use a good scrubbing," I offered.

She flashed me a toothy smile and added, "Already done. I also hope you don't mind I made us dinner. I was really craving a spinach salad with strawberries, kiwis and my own special dressing."

Now I knew who to blame for that crappy healthy cereal at the loft. "Sounds interesting," I mused, wondering if she was really serious.

After eating her dinner, I had to admit the salads were delicious. Neither of us talked about the obvious, probably because it's all we thought about today. As we were washing the dishes, Kyla finally asked, "So what happened last night? You didn't come back, so I assume everything is ok with you and Ash?"

I concentrated on drying the dishes, trying to put into words all the jumbled thoughts that were in my head all day today.

"I guess so. I forgave her, but it doesn't mean that this whole situation isn't totally fucked up and complicated," I divulged. I didn't want to tell her too much; it would be Ashley's place to tell her the whole truth behind her meltdown.

"If I've learned anything today, it's that love is a battlefield, Spence," Kyla asserted.

"Thanks for that colorful advice. So have you talked to her?" I asked, not sure if I wanted to hear the response.

Kyla stopped washing the dish in the sink and looked over to me before starting, "No. I'm not going to lie, I was a little freaked out last night because I haven't seen Ashley that pissed in a long time. I suppose I deserved it, though. I should have come clean about the whole thing right after it happened. She's so afraid of being hurt by the people she loves that she hurts back. I'm sorry I brought you in the middle of it, I didn't think you would end up being the casualty."

"It's okay, but maybe it would have been better if I wasn't there to see it all unfold," I agreed as I put a glass into the cupboard.

Kyla rinsed off the last plate and handed it to me to dry off. She started to wipe down the counter as she replied, "Can I be frank with you?"

"Please, frank away," I quipped while stacking the plate in the cabinet.

She stopped wiping, leaving the sponge stranded in the middle of the laminate countertop and turned to face me. "Look, as much as I love her, my sister can be a bitch. I should know after last night. But she only freaks out like that because when she really loves someone, she loves them with her whole heart. I know her and I will be okay eventually because of that fact and I know you two will be okay because of that too. When she said those things about Aiden, it shook me a little, but I saw them together for years. And I never once saw her look at him the same way she does when she looks at you."

"Thanks, Ky. Umm…have you decided what your going to do?" I asked, needing to change the subject.

She sighed and replied, "I have no clue. I'm not sure if there's enough eighties music and dusting that can help me figure that one out. All I know is that today is better than yesterday. I hope tomorrow is better than today."

I smiled and continued, "What brings on this optimism?"

Kyla glanced down at her feet for a few moments before returning to the sponge on the countertop. I waited in silence while she worked up the courage to tell me, "I told Aiden today. He didn't flip out. I mean he was shocked, but rightfully so. He said he supports my decision either way. It's good to know that I'm not alone in this."

Great. As happy as I was for Kyla that she didn't have to go through this alone, I wasn't exactly pumped about the possibility of Aiden being a permanent fixture in all of our lives. This kid was harder to get rid of than the clap. And if my A League of Their Own obsessive compulsive watching served any purpose, it was to soak in Jimmy Dugan's words of wisdom which were: Avoid the clap and There's no crying in baseball.


	41. Chapter 41: Getting Back to Good

A/N: It's definitely been a challenge for me to capture a proper reconciliation between these two. Personally, I think that forgiveness is a process, not just something that happens instantly. Again R&R. I only joke about the criticisms. I'm not bothered by it, many of them have given me a lot to think about. I admit that I could have done a lot better in making it clear why Spencer stayed a few chapters back (maybe I will if I decide to re-write this) or regarding Ashley's slip. Honestly, I didn't think her slip up was so outrageous when I posted it, until I saw the feedback. But that response has given me a different perspective so I am truly appreciative for all feedback and for taking the time to provide it. It's how I learn and maybe even write a better story for you on the next one!

Later that night, I went into my room, needing some time alone to sort everything out. Kyla had been great, but there was still a lot I needed to process before I could consider diving head first back into my relationship with Ashley. Especially with the possibility of Aiden bursting back into everyone's lives.

After everything that happened today, I was exhausted. It was only nine o'clock when I decided to go to bed and left Kyla to crash on the couch.

As I opened the drawer to get my pajamas, I stared at my sock drawer, wondering if tonight was the night I should open the letter Ashley wrote for me a few months back. My fingers we wrapped around the knob, pulling it towards me a few moments later. I grabbed the letter, running my fingers over the smoothness of the envelope, but I stopped short of opening it. Something in my gut told me not to open it tonight.

More confused than I was earlier, I tossed it back into the drawer with a sigh and buried it underneath my socks again. Right now, I knew there wasn't anything that the letter could reveal that would make things better. In frustration, I slammed the drawer shut and crawled into bed.

It was lonely lying in bed by myself. I was half tempted to invite Kyla in so I wouldn't be alone, but it would probably be a little awkward if I ended up spooning her. Lying next to Ashley had been the kind of habit I had come to look forward to every day and I probably wouldn't even realize what I was doing. I started to think about how much I missed her body against mine, when my phone began to vibrate on the nightstand.

Temporarily, I had to stop wallowing in self pity so I could check the display.

"Hey Mads," I answered.

"Hey Spencer. I got your message. What's up?" she asked.

"Um. Are you free for dinner sometime this week? I have problem and I'm hoping you can talk me through it," I elaborated.

"Sure. I'm off Wednesday. Does that work for you?" she responded.

"Yeah. I have my last guitar lesson that night, but I should have plenty of time. Want to stop by my new place at six?" I checked.

"Sounds good. Is everything ok, Spence?"

"Yeah, Can't I miss my favorite roommate?" I asked, hoping to deflect the issue for a while longer.

I was really counting on seeing Madison's reaction in person to the whole situation. She's so expressive, I hoped that discussing the whole Ashley situation could all be done face to face.

"Oh God. I can tell I'm going to need to bring the wine for this one. You still like Riesling, right?"

"Yes. So I'll see you then," I confirmed.

"Yep. Night Spencer," she finished the call.

Madison loved to pry, but had been around me enough to know that sometimes it was useless. I would tell her when I was ready and apparently, I was going to be ready Wednesday night. Shortly after the call, I fell into a much needed deep and dream free sleep.

Tuesday after work, I went to Elysian park. Ashley had called me twice last night after I passed out and about ten times today and I still wasn't ready to talk to her. It was her day off and I figured going directly home would mean I'd be forced to see her and I still needed more time to get out of my own head.

I found my favorite spot, just outside of the shade of an oak tree and just watched the activities surround me. I was hoping that in the simplicity, I'd be able to finally make sense of the emotions I was feeling. I sat there for an hour and eventually closed my eyes, just listening to the children on the playground laughing and screaming. The sound of feet on crushed gravel alerted me to another person's approaching presence.

With squinted eyes, I looked at the invader of my personal space. It was unmistakably Ashley. My eyes hadn't yet adjusted and I couldn't see the details of her face, but I knew it was her.

"Hey," she greeted.

"Hey," I responded back.

"I've been looking all over the place for you. Then I remembered what you said about coming here to get away. Why haven't you answered my calls?" she asked softly.

She stopped walking a few steps off the trail onto the grass, still about ten feet away from me. It was like there was a force field between us and I knew I was the one responsible for it. My reaction was making an already unbearable situation even more weird.

"I needed a little time and space to get lost in my thoughts," I admitted, brushing my hand over the blades of grass nearby.

"Well, I found you," she stated casually and then stopped talking.

There was a silence between us and I contemplated how I had never seen her this unsure of what to say or do. Normally she was either the most confident person on earth or completely aware and insecure in her vulnerabilities. Either way, it was the Ashley I had come to love. The Ashley that stood in front of me now was much different than the woman I knew. I was puzzled by how uneasy she was. It was disarming to think my reaction had any part in this.

She took a few hesitant steps forward and her shadow fell over me. Gradually she lowered herself to a seated position next to me on the ground. Her fingers found work plucking blades of grass and tossing them into the breeze.

"I didn't mean to hide from you. I just needed to let myself feel how I feel and get over it without the possibility of saying something to you I'd regret," I clarified.

"Stop holding back, Spence. Stop being so passive-aggressive. Say something you regret. Yell at me. Tell me to go fuck myself so we can work it out and move on. Tell me to leave and never come back if that's what you want. But don't tell me you forgive me, then avoid me. Whatever this is, it isn't working and it's obviously killing us both," Ashley revealed, picking up her confidence again.

"I do forgive you but it doesn't change the fact that I'm mad at you," I said slightly angry from her tone directed at me. She had a point and maybe she was trying to get a reaction from me.

After a quick pause, I continued "I'm freaking out because all it took was a few words for me to doubt everything that I was so certain about. Not only did your reaction make me question your feelings, but also made me wonder what it's going to be like when we have more problems in the future. Every time something unexpected happens that's overwhelming, are you just going to cut off the people you love? Are you just going to get rid of me like you did Kyla? Honestly, I'm afraid of getting hurt again and I just need some time to be mad at you, Ashley. I'm not going to stay like this forever."

"Thank you for finally letting me into that head of yours, Spence. That's all I ever wanted," she declared. "I get it and you have every right to feel that way. And I can't make any guarantees, but I can promise I will try to handle the chaos better next time around."

Her gaze met mine and I gave her a half smile. It was the best I could offer under the circumstances.

Ashley took advantage of my silence and asked, "What can I do to fix this?"

She scanned my eyes while waiting for my response and I saw the glossy sheen of the tears in her eyes. It was breaking my heart. I had asked myself the same question repeatedly over the past few days and still hadn't figured it out.

"I don't know," I answered.

"I talked to Kyla and apologized to her too. I told her everything I told you. She told me everything, including about her telling Aiden. I think this whole situation is crazy, but somehow me and Kyla are going to be ok. I don't know if any of that makes a difference to you or not," she whispered defeated.

"Maybe a little. So what are you going to do?" I asked.

She sat there twisting a blade of grass between her thumb and index finger and shot me a look with a soft smile on her face. "I'm going to do what I should have done when I found out. And that is support my sister in whatever decision she makes. Even if it means it's not going to be easy. Even if it means having to wake up and help her change diapers at three in the morning. Even if it means helping her with the regret of not having this baby. Even if it means completely letting go of my past and offering my blessing on her and Aiden's future together or apart. If any of those things are what she truly wants, then it's that simple. She's my family and we take care of each other."

"Not that I'm complaining, because I like this new philosophy, but aren't you jumping the gun just a tad there?" I questioned.

"God, I hope so. I really don't want to change diapers in the middle of the night. I need my beauty sleep," she joked.

I nudged into her and looked her square in the eye, scrunching my nose and teased, "Yeah, you definitely need as much as you can get!"

She laughed and nudged me back before she continued seriously with, "But it doesn't really matter what she decides to do with her life as long as it's what she wants. Right now, I just need to learn how to give the people I love what they want and need from me. And I know right now, you need a little more time and you need me to go. So that's exactly what I'm going to give you. Are you going to come to your lesson tomorrow?" she asked.

"It's the last one. Of course I'll be there," I replied with a nod.

"Good. I know we've only been a apart for a day and a half, but I've really missed you," she said softly and placed a kiss on my cheek before standing up.

"Ash," I called after her.

She turned and looked in my direction as I replied, "I've missed you too."


	42. Chapter 42: Better than any Apology

A/N: For those of you who aren't Aiden fans, he's going to be alluded to or present for the next few chapters, so bear with me. There's a song in this chap (Sarah McLachlan Push) and I solemnly swear it will be the last one for this fic. Maybe.

After making a quick run to the grocery store, I arrived home with everything I needed to make dinner for Madison. Setting the bags on the counter, I scanned the apartment for Kyla, but she was no where to be seen. Her car was still in the parking lot, so she couldn't have gone far. I unpacked everything and started my mise en place so it would be ready when Madison arrived.

Kyla finally stumbled out of the bathroom, still looking to be in rough shape. "I don't know why they call it morning sickness when it lasts all day," she grumbled walking into the living room.

"Sorry Ky. I was just going to say you're more than welcome to join me for dinner, but I guess you probably won't be hungry anytime soon," I surmised.

Kyla watched me cut into a chicken breast and immediately got pale. With a sigh she plopped down into the couch and rested her forearm on her head.

"No. Are you expecting someone for dinner?" she asked.

I nodded and began to wash the knife and cutting board in the sink, before moving on to my next task. "Actually, yeah. Madison is coming over in about an hour."

Kyla shot up from her position on the couch and gulped, "Madion. Is coming here?"

"Yes, I invited her over so we could talk," I explained.

Kyla scrambled to her feet and began muttering, "Oh my God. I need to get out of here."

She flung a hoodie that was lying on the back of the couch into her book bag. She began to wander around my apartment in search of her purse, which was on the kitchen counter in front of me. I wasn't about to tell her that since I was having too much fun watching her freak out.

"Ky?" I interrupted her incoherent ramblings.

"Yeah," she responded, frozen in the middle of the living room.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Does she know? That I hooked up with Aiden? That I'm pregnant? There's something in her eyes that makes me think she could go a little crazy at any second and end up killing the girl whose pregnant with her ex-boyfriends baby. She scares me a little Spencer," Kyla ranted.

I laughed but had to admit, "She scares me a little too sometimes."

"That's not funny! Why are you laughing about that Spencer?"

"Relax. I haven't told her and there's nothing to worry about. Madison probably already forgot Aiden's name. There's no reason to leave. She actually asked about you last week," I assured Kyla.

"Really?" Kyla said, starting to visibly calm down now.

"Really," I confirmed.

She slumped back into the couch and I went back to getting the rest of the prep work done. Madison wasn't due for another half hour and the meal would only take about ten minutes to finish, so I took a seat on the couch next to Kyla.

As soon as my body sank into the sofa, Kyla tackled me with a hug. "What's that for?" I asked.

"For everything. Thank you for letting me stay. If I didn't feel like shit all day today, I would have left earlier," she said.

"You know you're more than welcome anytime. Are you sure you're ready to go back? You can stay as long as you need," I offered.

"No. It's actually perfect timing. It's time for me to move back in with Ashley. After our talk yesterday, I realized that I'm ready to keep the baby, which means that I need to soak up the last little bit of time I'm going to have left with just my sister," Kyla revealed.

"Really? You're going to keep the baby?" I questioned with a squeal.

"Hell yeah, Auntie Spence. Now, I guess I need to go tell Aiden tonight," Kyla explained as she absently rubbed her stomach.

I tried, but failed to hold in the sigh at my inherent dislike of Aiden and everything he stood for. The heartbreak he'd caused and the drama he'd stirred up.

Kyla immediately picked up on my true feelings and rested a hand on my shoulder. "Spencer, I get you don't like him and rightfully so. I'm not going to be able to convince you otherwise, but I wouldn't be getting him involved if I didn't think that there's part of him that is a good guy. Trust me on this one?"

I nodded more for Kyla's sake than anything. Her life was by far the more complicated and my petty issues with Aiden were inconsequential to him being a part of his soon to be child's life.

"So, are you and Aiden together, then?" I asked.

"I don't know. We'll see what happens," she said with a smile.

As much as I wanted to hate Aiden and as naturally as it came to me, it faded when I saw Kyla looking at me for validation. For her sake, I hoped things worked out. She did seem genuinely happy about the possibility of being with Aiden and I really did want her to be happy. Oprah once said excuses change; people don't. I hope Oprah was wrong, but Oprah's never wrong.

After talking for a few minutes more, the doorbell rang and Kyla grabbed her book bag, prepared not to stay too long. After I opened the door, Madison pulled me into a huge hug and commented about how she liked the new place. Kyla was obviously nervous, as she stood still next to the couch.

"Hey Kyla," Madison greeted.

"Hey," Kyla said, giving her an awkward wave.

"Are you going to eat dinner with us?" Madison asked.

Kyla adjusted the strap on her bag before she responded with, "Um no. I was just going to leave. I haven't been feeling well."

"That sucks. I was hoping we could catch up sometime. I haven't seen you since the night I broke up with that douche bag, Aaron."

Kyla's eyes got a little wide and she clarified, "Aiden. I think you mean Aiden."

"Right. Either way I really dodged a bullet there. I heard he got some chick pregnant. He's all excited about it, though and can't stop telling everyone at the gym," Madison commented as she ran a hand through her unruly curls.

As far as awkward situations went, this was by far the most amusing. Kyla was simultaneously embarrassed about being part of the rumor and ecstatic about Adien's reaction. I wasn't sure if Kyla was going to say something about being the pregnant chick in question or if she would just prefer to avoid that topic for a moment.

"Okay, then," I finally intervened before Madison had more time to stuff her foot any further in her mouth. "I guess you'll want the tour?"

"Sure," she said dropping her purse onto the barstool.

"Well, I uh. I'm going to head out," Kyla announced after regaining her composure. She eyed her purse on the counter and swiped it into her hand before giving me a quick hug goodbye.

"What's up with her?" Madison asked after the door was shut.

"Kyla? It might have something to do with the fact that she's the chick who's pregnant with Aiden's baby," I blurted out.

I was so sick of secrets and I figured if anyone could appreciate some brutal honesty, it would be Madison.

"What!" Madison exclaimed taking a seat on the barstool. "She told me it was the first time she had seen him in years that night at his show. That night was an all around disaster."

"Tell me about it," I agreed, starting to heat the pasta for my dish. "It was that night I think all of us were making bad decisions."

"Huh?" Madison said. "I broke up with Aiden that night, so speak for yourself!"

I missed her cockiness. "Yeah and you opened the door for Kyla. That was the night they hooked up," I revealed.

"That little sneak! Was she trying to get with him the whole time?" Madison asked.

I shook my head and admitted, "I don't know. That actually has something to do with why I wanted to talk."

I explained to Madison all of the drama from this weekend and she managed to stay relatively quiet while I filled her in. We were already ready for dinner when she poked at her food, still not giving me any helpful advice.

"You're my best friend. What do you think I should do?" I finally asked to break the silence.

"Do you want me to be your friend or do you want me to tell you what I think? Because I can't do both," Madison said.

"I want my friend to tell me the truth," I answered, wondering why she was being so cryptic. She never held back from being honest with me before.

"I think if you don't make things right with Ashley, you're a fucking idiot," she said simply and popped a fork filled with pasta in her mouth.

I actually laughed, because I was certainly not expecting that. It was too blunt for me to be mad at her, even if she did just call me a fucking idiot. That was the classic Madison that I know and love and her unique brand of honest I needed to hear.

"But I don't know if I'm the person you should be asking for love-life advice. I haven't had a meaningful relationship…well…ever," she said with a sadness in her voice I had never heard.

"Is everything ok, Madison? Are you upset about the Aiden thing?" I asked, wondering if I had completely misjudged what her reaction was going to be to the news.

"No. Not that. Well, I mean I guess partly because I couldn't have cared less once I found out he had sex with someone else like ten seconds after we broke up and maybe I should have. It's actually about you and Ashley, I know you two are so in love. It never bothered me seeing you with Patrick, because even though he treated you well, I knew deep down you didn't have the kind of love that changed your life. And I figured if a girl like you couldn't find it, then I didn't stand a chance. And now you have it and I have to admit I'm a little jealous of what you have with Ashley. I don't think I am in any position to tell you how to keep it when I don't even know how to find it," Madison explained softly.

"Mads," I comforted, rubbing her arm at a complete loss for words. I never in a million years, thought she felt that way.

"Sorry. This isn't about me," Madison paused and continued, "But if you want to know what I think, here it is. That night when everything went to shit, know this. The things Ashley said about the way she felt for you, she meant every word. And if she felt that way then and still feels that way now, it will be worth it to really forgive her. So, yeah she messed up big time, according to her, that's what she does best. You're going to get over it because you are meant for each other. And if you don't get over it, then you are even more of a fucking idiot that I thought you were."

"Wait? You really think I'm a fucking idiot?" I checked.

"No, not yet. But the more time you spend here with me instead of going after her, the more likely I am to change my mind," she teased.

We both stood and cleared our plate, so I took the opportunity to probe a little more into her sadness. Finally, I asked, "Madison?"

"Yes, Spencer," she shot back.

"You're pretty amazing. I'm glad I have a friend like you and you know what?" I challenged.

She looked at me skeptically before she voiced her response of, "What?"

"You're going to find that kind of love one day. If anybody deserves it, you do," I said.

"Now I know you really need to make up with Ashley. You're even making me go soft now," she revealed and I pulled her into a much deserved hug.

After dinner with Madison, I packed my guitar and headed to my lesson with Ashley. When I arrived, I was at least fifteen minutes early and Clay was working the counter. I gave him a friendly smile and walked towards the back where the lessons were.

"Hey, Spencer. How are you?" Clay asked, leaning forward on the counter.

I stopped mid stride and responded, "Good. How are you doing Clay?"

"Doing pretty great now that you're here! Ashley's last lesson cancelled, so I'm going to close up early tonight. It's been really quiet. She's back there now if you two want to get out a little early too. Tell her to lock up for the night."

"Ok. Thanks Clay," I said and lugged my guitar to the back of the room.

The door was open and Ashley's back was to me. She was sitting on a stool playing a familiar melody and didn't hear me enter. I was trying to recall where I had heard it before and I remembered that it was what she was playing in her room after the fight with Kyla.

Even with the bad memories from that night, I was completely enthralled with the melody. When she began to sing, I almost dropped my guitar. Her voice sent shivers through me from the first words and I stood completely in awe, soaking in every word she sang. I thought maybe I should interrupt, but after processing the first few lyrics, I knew I needed to hear the whole secret confession.

_Every time I look at you the world just melts away_

_All my troubles all my fears dissolve in your affections_

_You've seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am_

_And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land_

_You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together_

_You're the one true thing I know I can believe in_

_You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me_

_You're the one true thing I know I can believe_

Her voice sent shivers through me from the first words and I stood completely in awe, soaking in every word she sang. I thought maybe I should interrupt, but after processing the first verse, I knew I needed to hear the whole secret confession.

_I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe_

_No matter what I say or do 'cause you're to good to fight about it_

_Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go_

_You wont stoop down to battle but you never turn to go_

_You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together_

_You're the one true thing I know I can believe in_

_You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me_

_You're the one true thing I know I can believe_

_Your love is just the antidote when nothing else will cure me_

_There are times I cant decide when I cant tell up from down _

_You make me feel less crazy when otherwise I'd drown_

_But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I'm OK_

_Sometimes that's just what we need to get us through the day_

Finally, I had heard enough and before she started to sing the chorus again, I tentatively interrupted, "Ash?"

Her fingers froze on the guitar and she quickly whipped her head in my direction. I shut the door behind me and walked a few steps closer.

"Spence…you're early," she stammered and abruptly stood from her stool and placed the guitar on the stand.

"Yeah, I am," I agreed stupidly as I fell in love with her, again. And I was pretty sure it wouldn't be the last time. Right there, I vowed I'd find a way to fall in love with her every day for the rest of my life.

I could tell by her reaction that she was self-conscious that I had heard her song. I had just invaded her intended private thoughts.

"So, are you ready for your lesson?" she asked, trying to change the subject.

I wasn't about to let her do that, so I gave my firmest, "No."

She looked a little stunned by the force in my voice, so I clarified, "I'm ready to let you back in. Was that song…was it for me?"

Ashley gave me the nose crinkling smile I had been waiting for. It was the kind of smile I liked to think was only reserved for me.

"Of course, who else would it be for?" she asked rhetorically before she elaborated, "I started it a while ago and after everything that happened this weekend, I knew I had to finish it. When you came in the room Sunday night, that's all I could think about was how I needed show you how I felt about you, but I couldn't say anything."

"It was perfect," I praised and took a few hesitant steps towards her.

Even I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, but like everything else when it came to Ashley, I just let my heart lead the way. I set my guitar case on the ground and took the remaining steps to reach her before engulfing her into my arms.

I pulled away so I could give her the make up kiss I'd been hoping for since about half way through her song. She beat me to it and I had another chill crawling over my body at the sensation of her roughly capturing my lips with hers. My tongue was aching to taste her again and she didn't deny me before meeting me half way with hers.

"Spence," she breathed against my lips between kisses. "Spence," she said starting to break free from my kiss, keeping my face cupped in her hands.

"What? Are you seriously ready for the lesson?" I pouted in frustration. It was the last thing on my mind now, but apparently the only thing on Ashley's mind in this room.

"No," she replied. "I want to have all kinds of hot make up sex with you and right now we're wasting time someplace where we can't!"

I gave her a lust filled stare with the knowledge from Clay still filling my thoughts. A smirk took over and she just stared at me with a confused expression.

"Clay already left. He wanted me to remind you to lock up tonight," I informed her and grabbed her hips so I could stop wasting time with all of this ridiculous talking.


	43. Chapter 43:Bad News

A/N: Sorry for the delay. I know where I want the story to go and sometimes, I feel like there's just too much in my head. I hope that it doesn't seem abrupt, but I really want to get moving because there are a lot of interesting changes in the works that I'd rather focus on.

After Ashley and I made up, the next three weeks were bliss. Kyla and Aiden were hot and heavy and after walking in on them having sex on the couch...twice, Ashley and I spent a lot of time in our love nest together. Ashley was in the shower getting ready for work Saturday morning and I was still lying in bed, deciding if I wanted to get up and have breakfast waiting for her, when my phone rang.

The display read home, so I picked up and greeted the only person who had been calling me from that number recently, "Hey dad."

"Spence?" My mom's uneasy voice filled the line. I could tell by the panic in her voice, something was wrong. I shot up in bed and wrapped my arm around my knees. My stomach almost fell through my body like an elevator with a broken cord.

"Mom," I stumbled over my thoughts, "Is everything okay?"

"It's Grandma. They found a mass in her brain and it doesn't look good," she informed me.

"Is it cancer?" I asked and swallowed thickly.

Silence filled the phone line while I waited for her response. I could tell she was trying to keep composed, but was struggling with it. I felt the silent tears streaking down my own face as I did my best not to lose it either. While I held my breath during the pause, Ashley emerged fresh from her shower with only a towel wrapped around her. As soon as she saw me, she froze in place, taking in my expression. I gave her a sad glance and before another second passed between us, she was sitting on the bed next to me, wrapping an arm around me.

"It's too early to tell. Her doctor's are running tests now. Uncle Rob told me she has an aneurism and she's in the hospital. I'm going to Ohio today to make sure she's taken care of. God knows that Uncle Rob can't be left alone to do it."

I cringed at the thought of my Uncle Rob taking care of anyone. As my mom's younger brother and the baby of the family, he struggled with being independent. He was the kind of immature early-forties bachelor that could barely take care of himself or a houseplant, let alone another human being. Perpetually single, he was unlikely to settle down anytime soon. I don't think any woman is that desperate.

I returned my focus back to my Grandma and the seriousness of the moment. "What do you think in your professional opinion?" I asked my mom, trying to get some answer that might ease my mind.

I needed to know, even if it was bad news; waiting was the worst.

"I'm not an oncologist, Spencer," she started and heaved a defeated sigh. "But she's pretty weak. Even if it's not cancer, she might not have a lot of time left. The only thing you can do for now is just pray for her."

"Ok," I acknowledged, nodding even though my mom couldn't see me. Everything was starting to sink in and I felt like my world was collapsing around me. As soon as I managed to deal with one problem, another one came in right behind on some sort of bad karma conveyor belt.

"I'll call you as soon as I have more information," she promised with a pause. Hesitantly, she added, "I love you, Spencer."

Of all the scenarios that ran through my head of talking to my mom for the first time since I told her I was gay, this wasn't one of them. It was still strained between us, but at least we'd had an entire conversation that didn't involve yelling.

"I love you too. Bye," I said, and slid the phone softly on the bed. I couldn't hold back my choked sobs any longer.

"Spence, what's wrong?" Ashley asked as she immediately pulled me into her.

I just let her hold me like that, relishing the safety I felt in her embrace. I cried into her shoulder and allowed myself to get lost in the feeling of her wet hair tickling my face and soft skin. In her arms, everything might not be all right, but at least she was with me.

Finally, I was able to compose myself enough to tell her, "It's my Grandma. She's in the hospital and she's not doing well and my mom doesn't know anything. My mom's flying out to Ohio today. I just feel so helpless. I wish there was something I could do."

"I'm so sorry, Spence. Don't beat yourself up over this," Ashley comforted while she ran her fingers lightly over my back. "Do you want me to call in to work today and stay here with you?"

"No, but thank you. I won't be very good company and I think I just want a little time alone to grieve," I explained. "Now go get ready, I don't want you being late on account of me."

She kissed me on my forehead and got dressed for work. After making noises in the kitchen for a few minutes, she returned with two bowls of cereal. She extended me a bowl, which I took even though I wasn't hungry. I played with the spoon, bobbing the pieces of Golden Grahams in the milk.

"Spence, if you need anything, just call me. I'm going to keep my cell on me all day," she said between bites.

I nodded, knowing that as much as I loved the comfort of Ashley, I probably wouldn't take her up on her offer.

"I'll stop over as soon as I get out of work, okay?" she checked for confirmation.

I just nodded again and placed my now soggy cereal on the nightstand. "Can you just.." I started, but before I could finish my request, Ashley had already wrapped her arms around me. All I wanted to ask her for was to hold me for a while and she gave me exactly that.

I loved that she knew what I needed from her at this moment. "I love you so much, Spence," she murmured into my neck before kissing my softly.

"I love you too, Ash," I said and loosened my grip on her to let her know it was okay that she left.

She leaned back and her brown eyes met mine with a sorrow that let me know she was sharing my grief. Ashley placed a tender kiss on my lips and tossed me my favorite Purple Venom t-shirt of hers I stole on her way out. She knew I loved it and it reminded me of her and it was the only comfort I would have without her around for the next eight hours.

As soon as she left, I got up and took a bath, wishing I could wash off the past thirty minutes. After, I put on a clean pair of sweat pants and the t-shirt she left me that still smelled like her. I curled up in bed, deciding I wanted to go back to sleep and see if waking up a second time this morning might have better results.

When I woke up, I checked my phone and realized I had slept away half the day. It was already almost six and I had three texts and two missed calls from Ashley. I read my messages and checked my voicemail before calling her back.

Unfortunately, I got her voicemail, so I left her a quick message of, "Ash, call me when you get this. I want you to come over, but I totally passed out. It's almost six and I figured you would have been here by now."

Right after I hung up, I heard a light wrapping at my door. I wondered who it could be since Ashley had a key as I gave myself a quick once over in the mirror. My disheveled appearance made me realize I wasn't in any position to be greeting random strangers at my door, but I didn't have much of a choice. I ran a quick hand through my hair and walked to the door.

Before opening the door, I took a quick glance through the peep-hole and saw my love balancing a brown paper grocery bag and a few plastic ones.

I opened the door, not able to control the smile as she stepped inside. "Hey baby," Ashley greeted me with a kiss to follow.

I took the plastic bags from her hand and we set the groceries on the counter.

"What are these for?" I asked, trying to peer into one of the bags.

"No peeking!" Ashley commanded, swatting my hands away. "If I know you at all, you've probably been sleeping all day and haven't eaten a thing, so I'm going to make us dinner. Now go take a shower. I can't have my sexy girlfriend being all stinky!"

She scrunched up her face to show that I apparently smelled.

"You're pretty bossy tonight. And by the way, I do not stink. I've already bathed today," I grumbled offended.

She didn't say a word. She just gave me the stare that I knew meant she meant what she said. Not wanting to get the business side of that look, I scurried back into my room so I could get ready for my shower. Ashley was right. Even if wasn't long overdue for some personal hygiene time, I could have used some sprucing up.

When I emerged, the table was set and Ashley had arranged a fresh bouquet of irises in a glass vase.

"My favorite," I observed softly.

My eyes made their way to Ashley, who was busy working the kitchen, but not too busy to notice my reaction.

She smiled at me and I quickly took the steps needed to be near enough to wrap my arms around her. I came up behind her and kissed her shoulder, while she was making French toast.

"What is all of this?" I asked, floored. I don't know why I was so continually surprised by her awesomeness.

"Breakfast for dinner," she replied simply.

I felt the tears welling because it was the perfect gesture to let me feel close to my Grandma again and show me how much she cared. In that moment, I felt safe somewhere in between childhood memories and her unfailing love.

"I love you," I declared. If there was other words, I would have used those, because the words I love you seemed insufficient to express the way I felt for her.

"I love you too," she replied and gave me a wink. "Wanna see a trick?"

"Sure," I agreed with a chuckle. What the hell was she up to now? Before I had a chance to wonder any longer, I felt her lips on mine.

Moments later, I heard the sizzle of the French toast on the pan and pulled away from our kiss to see if my ears had deceived me. They didn't. My gaze went from the French toast to my smirking girlfriend. God, she was hot as hell.

"When you learn to do that?" I asked in shock. She had possibly out bested me in my own griddle flipping tricks.

"As soon I saw the master at work, I knew I had to accomplish my goal to pull off your trick. So on mornings you weren't around, I practiced flipping with my eyes closed and making out with air. It made for some uncomfortable moments with Kyla laughing at me, but I would say it's worth it to see that look on your face," Ashley confessed.

"This was just what I needed," I told her. After everything that happened and everything we'd been through, she still knew how to take care of me. This came in handy when a few days later, I learned that my Grandmother had a stage four cancerous tumor in her brain. Considering the aneurism she already had and her already weak state, the doctor's were only giving her about a week to live, at best. More than likely, it was going to be a few days.

The following day, I decided to go back to Ohio and was granted the time off from work. Ashley booked me a flight and helped me pack. My flight left first thing Thursday morning, so Ashley and I crawled in bed early Wednesday night.

"Thank you for everything," I professed in the darkness.

Upon hearing my gratitude, Ashley pulled me closer to her and whispered, "Anytime, Spence. I wish I could go with you, but there's no way I can cancel all of my lessons for the rest of the week."

"I know and you have done more than enough for me over the past few days. I'm glad I didn't have to go through all of this alone," I said. "Plus, I'm not sure how things are going to be between me and my mom and I don't want to subject you to that."

"I don't care about that, Spence. I just want to be around to go through this with you and it sucks that I won't be there," Ashley corrected.

She placed a kiss on my forehead and held onto me until I fell asleep. In the morning, she drove me to the airport and I promised to call her as soon as I landed.


	44. Chapter 44: Ohio

A/N: Why is everybody nervous about Ohio? What's so bad about Ohio? I had to throw in the Amelia Bedelia reference, cuz those books were my favs as a kid. That crazy broad can still probably make me laugh!

When I arrived in Ohio Thursday afternoon, my Dad and brother were waiting for me at the airport in Uncle Rob's SUV. We went directly to the hospital, because Grandma was already drifting in and out of consciousness and nobody was sure if she'd make it through tonight.

I tried my hardest to be strong and somehow I managed not to cry at the first sight of her. The grey haired woman lying the hospital bed in front of me was unrecognizable. She wasn't the same Grandma whose lap I used to sit on reading Amelia Bedelia as a child.

This woman was a frail and faded version of the person I used to know and love. This couldn't possibly be the same woman who kept Little Debbie's in her kitchen candy drawer and wasn't afraid to shove a bar of soap in my mouth after I called Glen an asshole when I was six.

My mom stood from the chair and immediately hugged me. Somehow, with all the bullshit that lingered between us still, she was able to offer me the kind of comfort only a mother could. The situation had forced us to put our issues on the back burner and just be a family. I secretly hoped that this would be enough to make her see that I was still the same Spencer she loved. I hadn't changed and I wished she could realize that no matter who I love, I'm still going to be me.

"Hey sweetie. I'm glad you came," she whispered into the top of my head.

She pulled away and I noticed how tired she looked. I'm sure the past few days of doctoring the doctors must have been exhausting for her. The poor nurses were probably playing rocks paper scissor to see who got the misfortune of being assigned this room.

"How's she doing?" I asked, fully aware that the grim answer was right in front of me.

Paula just shook her head before giving me a quick, "She hasn't been conscious for a few hours now. She's on a lot of pain medication, but right now it's just a matter of time."

An hour later, my mom and dad went to go get a cup of coffee. I used this opportunity to kick Glen and Uncle Rob out of the room, requesting a few minutes alone with Grandma.

"Hey Grams," I said in the familiar way as if she could respond to me at any second.

I didn't waste any time before I continued. "I miss you and I'm sorry I never made it back to Ohio after I graduated college."

I sat there silently trying to figure out what I wanted to say to her. If I wanted to say anymore or just have a few peaceful last moments with her.

Her breathing was shallow and I searched the wrinkles on her face, wondering if any of the laugh lines were carved as a result of my childhood shenanigans. I placed a hand on her soft skin on her forehead and smoothed down her hair.

At least she had been able to keep it and there was no chemo to take it away. My eyes drifted to the rosary beads around her chest, specifically the crucifix that laid on top of her hospital gown. Grandma had always been religious and I wondered how she would have responded to my sexual orientation. Personally, I believe who you love and your religious beliefs are mutually exclusive, but the rest of my family doesn't share that opinion.

My own mother was still struggling with accepting me for who I was. The more I thought about it, the more I decided I wanted to tell my Grandma, even if it had to be under circumstances like this.

"Things in my life have been really good, lately," I started. "I met someone. Someone amazing that I love. I think you'd really like…her."

I stumbled on the words, because even though my Grandma was still lying and completely unmoved, part of me was still afraid of wooden spoons and Dial soap because of her wrath of anger.

"Yeah, I found someone who makes me happy and I know that you probably wouldn't approve, but I wanted to tell you because I always felt like I could tell you anything. When I was a kid, I always felt so safe and loved when I was with you and in a way, Ashley makes me feel the same way. I love you, Grams," I said, stopping to allow myself to cry for a minute.

Tears fell from my eyes as I thought about how this would be the last time I would be able to 'talk' to her. At least I got to tell her something important.

"Spence," my mom called softly from the doorway where she was perched.

I sat up surprised, since I hadn't heard her approach over the hum of the machines. I looked over at her and saw the tears welled in her eyes too. Part of me was very nervous about how much she'd heard and how she'd react.

Slowly, Paula approached the chair I was sitting on and rested her hand on my shoulder. She gave a gentle squeeze and I was certain she had heard a good portion of the one sided conversation.

"Sometimes, I still think of you as a little kid. When did you turn into such a brave and caring adult?" she asked.

I smiled awkwardly at her compliment and enjoyed the fact that there was hope that things could be better between me and my mother than they had in a long time.

My grandmother took her last breath later that night. My family went back to Uncle Rob's and started making funeral arrangements. Per Grandma's request, she was only to have a small funeral and no wake.

While they were downstairs discussing flowers and church service options, I decided to call Ashley so I could tell her the news about my Grandma and my mom actually acting like a human being. I went to the only place at Uncle Rob's where there was a little bit of privacy: the spare bathroom.

"So, what are the plans then?" she asked.

"Tomorrow, we are going to go through the stuff in her house and get most of it ready for The Salvation Army to pick up Monday like she wanted. Then Saturday, the service is at noon at St. Matthews, where I used to go to church as a kid. It's really strange being back here," I commented.

"Sounds like you're going to be pretty busy," Ashley acknowledged.

"Yeah. I can't wait for it to all be over with. I'll be home Sunday night and I can't wait to see you," I said.

Glen started pounding on the door and yelled, "Hurry up and finish taking your dump, Spencer! There are other people who'd like to use the bathroom!"

It was like nothing changed. That was the same line he would yell while my dates were downstairs waiting for me in high school.

"What was that?" Ashley asked upon hearing the commotion.

"Shut up assbag, I'll be done in a second," I shouted through the bathroom door at my brother.

"Ashley?" I asked in a much softer tone into the silent phone line.

"Yeah?" she replied. "Did you just call me an assbag?"

"No! Assbag was only meant for Glen. I'm sorry about that. He is getting on my nerves. I've got to go, but I'll talk to you later," I promised.

"Ok. I love you Spence," she said.

"I love you, too Ash," I replied before hanging up.

I opened the door and promptly tapped Glen in the nuts on my way out of the bathroom. "Get some manners, turd burgler," I warned my brother as he doubled over. Proud that I still knew how to make him pay, I sauntered back up to the room I had to share with him for the next three and a half days.

By the time we got finished getting a good bunch of items packed at my Grandmother's on Friday, we ended up back at Uncle Rob's at ten. Not exactly an ideal way to spend a Friday night, but after the stress, it felt good just to relax. Glen and I were fighting over what to watch, when my mom called for me in the kitchen. Begrudgingly, I relinquished the remote to him and instantly heard the theme to Sports Center as I exited the living room.

"Hey Mom," I said as I entered the kitchen. She was nursing a cup of tea and patted the empty seat next to her at the table, for me to sit down.

I followed her silent instructions and she looked over at me, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"You know your grandma and I never got along," my mom disclosed between sips of her tea.

"I can remember. Grandma was kinda scary sometimes," I admitted with a smile.

"Yes, she was. No decision I ever made was good enough for her. Did I ever tell you I didn't want to be a doctor?"

"No," I replied simply, knowing she was ready to tell me anyway.

"I wanted to be a musician. I played the cello and I was quite good. More importantly, I loved it. I was even accepted to the Cleveland School of Music. It was my dream. But when I told her, she lost it. No daughter of hers was going to waste her time with music. Our family had expectations to live up to and she made it clear that I wasn't about to throw my life away and disgrace our family by pursuing something frivolous like music. Like the dutiful daughter I was, I applied to a pre-med program. I haven't played the cello since the day I sent out my application for pre-med school. I swore I would never make my children feel like any of their actions were wrong, and that's what I did to you."

"Mom," I started but had no words to say. Her story had left me speechless.

"Where do you think you've got the musical ability from, Spencer? Your dad can't even air guitar properly. You might not want to hear it, but you might have a little of my genes in you after all."

I laughed and she continued to tell me, "I think about all of the things my mother held me back from, including your father at first. In her opinion, he was never good enough for me."

"That's just it, mom. You loved him, what would you say if Grandma told you not to marry him?" I questioned with seriousness. I don't know if this was exactly where she wanted the conversation to go, but I wanted to take advantage of this opportunity. I just hoped it wouldn't result in another fight. I was betting on the fact that after this week, both of us were too tired to fight anymore.

She gave me a quick laugh and explained, "She did. And I actually listened to her and broke it off with your dad for a about a month. One day I just remember thinking, I didn't care anymore. I had spent my entire life making her happy and I felt like all she did was take my happiness away. I let her take my music without a fight, but there was no way in hell I was going to give up your father. I went against her wishes when I married your father."

"So, does this mean what I think it means?" I asked. She had to have known that her words were strikingly similar to our own relationship recently.

My mom looked over in my direction and I saw the glint tears in her eyes while she admitted, "I'm sorry, Spence. I said such horrible things to you. It's going to take some getting used to, but you are my daughter and I love you. I only ever wanted for you to be happy."

"Mom," I interjected. "I am. For the first time in my life, I feel like I can truly be myself. I spent so much of my life thinking that being gay was not an option that I didn't even give myself the chance to let my heart tell me what was right. I just kept forcing it with these guys, wondering why there was always something missing. And now I have Ashley and I don't wonder anymore."

"I know, sweetie. And I love you for who you are, even if I don't totally understand it. I'm trying though. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Of course," I said and stood from my chair. I wrapped my arms around her neck to let her know I forgave her. After a minute, she patted my hand and told me to sit back down.

"There's one more thing," she added.

I'm not going to lie. I was nervous to figure out what this 'one more thing' was. My mom and I had finally gotten to a place where I felt like we had a bright future and I was afraid it could be ruined in a heartbeat. As I had been learning a lot recently, things could easily be destroyed in a moment.

"Ok," I agreed. I hesitated, but slumped down in the chair, but couldn't get a read on what my mom was thinking. She reached into her purse and pulled out a few boxes of jewelry.

"These were your grandmothers. I don't know if you want any of it, but you can look," she said.

There was a pearl necklace and some gold chains, a rosary that I remember seeing slung over the corner of her dresser mirror. I ran my fingers over the random assortment, before inspecting a few rings. There was one sapphire one, which I placed on my finger, but decided the stone was a bit too big for me.

"You might want to at least take a look at this one," she instructed and pushed a maroon crushed velvet case into my hand.

Reluctantly, I opened the box. Positioned in the center fold was round cushion cut diamond with two smaller diamonds flanking each side.

"It's beautiful," I said, pulling it from it's home.

I wasn't expecting anything antique to be this gorgeous. Under the kitchen light, I inspected the platinum band before I placed it on my ring finger. It was a little loose, but wasn't likely to slide back up over my knuckle, so I kept it on. I liked knowing that this somehow kept me connected to my Grandmother.

"I can…have this?" I asked rubbing my thumb across the smooth band.

"Of course, Spence. I want you to have it. I know I'm never going to wear it. I barely wear any jewelry at the hospital and Lord knows your father and I don't go out enough for me to wear it," she joked.

"Thanks, mom," I said, still not able to take my eyes off the ring I was wearing.

"Well, I am going to bed," she decided out loud and placed a kiss on the top of my head.

"I'll probably be up soon," I confirmed.

I reached into my pocket, ready to tell Ashley the news that I had finally made some solid progress with my mom. LA was three hours behind, so it was only 8:20 there. She would definitely be out of work by now, so I gave her a call. I needed to hear the sound of her voice. Unfortunately, I had to settle for her voicemail.

Trying my best to hide my disappointment, I left her a message to call me when she got a chance. After that, I headed to bed, knowing that tomorrow was going to be a long and draining day.


	45. Chapter 45: Can't spell Funeral wo FUN

A/N: Who is paranoid about why Ashley didn't pick up the phone? I won't leave you hanging for long...Read on to find out why! Thanks to you reviewers for your continued encouragement. Some of you were very very smart and figured out what happens in this chapter, so props to that. I guess it means I should stop being so predictable. Don't worry, there are plenty of chapters left so I can potentially blow your mind!

We arrived at the church at 10:30. The funeral was scheduled to start at noon, so I sat in the pew, playing with my cell phone while we waited for friends and family to start trickling in. Over the next hour, I had spoken to countless long lost family members, some of them I didn't even remember. By 11:40, I was bored and just trying to avoid the gazes of pity launched in my family's direction. I still hadn't heard back from Ashley, which was uncharateristic for her. I decided to shut off my phone so it didn't go off in the middle of the funeral and hoped everything was fine with Kyla and the baby.

Our family was placed in the first row and somehow, I ended up next to my father at the end of the pew. There was enough room between me and the end of the seat that people were constantly filling the space next to me and having hushed conversations with my mom and dad. By now, most people had settled into their respective pews and I was anxiously awaiting this to be over. I was double checking my phone to make sure it was off, when I felt someone slide into the space next to me again.

I glanced over, expecting another annoying family member ready to make pleasant conversation and offer condolences. Instead, I saw the most beautiful creature of the face of the planet giving me a nervous, but butterfly inducing trademark smile.

In shock the sight of her, I quipped, "Ashley Davies does not burst into flames inside of a Catholic church?"

She gave me a smile and whispered, "Quick, someone alert the Pope!"

I chuckled, setting my phone in my purse and allowed myself to soak in the sight of her. She was wearing a black skirt and a button down blue shirt that I'm certain she stole from my closet. Regardless, for someone who claimed modesty wasn't her thing, she was rocking it. Upon realizing the dirty thoughts that were running through my mind, I tried to push them out and not dwell on the guilt over the fact I was thinking them at church.

Meanwhile, my parents looked over to see what all the commotion was about and my dad reached over and shook Ashley's hand. Wait a second, did I just see a smile on my mother's face as she acknowledged Ashley's presence? Yeah, that was definitely a smile and not one of those fake bitchy ones she gives just to be nice. Even Glen gave her a goofy smile and a wave which she returned.

I rested my hand on the space of the wooden pew and she promptly placed her hand over mine and laced our fingers together.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, still trying to come to the realization that the girl of my dreams was in fact sitting beside me at this very moment instead of being two thousand miles away.

"Spence, there's this thing called Google. I can pretty much find the answer to any question I search for, including the location of this church," she told me with a smug grin.

"I'm glad you came," I said.

"Really? I wasn't sure it was my place or you'd want me around with all of this family stuff," she admitted.

"Really," I affirmed. "And you are family to me, so you're right where you belong."

She squeezed my hand at my response and replied, "I'm sorry I didn't call you back, but I was so busy getting ready and then spent all night on the redeye. I was afraid if I called from the airport, you'd know what I was up to."

"Ash, why are you apologizing? You just spent five hours on a plane to come surprise me when I needed you most," I reassured her.

Apart from the judgmental stares and silent treatment from a handful of some of my less enlightened extended family members, the arrival of Ashley was well received. My mom even introduced her as my girlfriend. It wasn't the easiest thing I'd ever seen come out of her mouth before, but I was elated that she was genuinely trying.

More importantly, Uncle Rob loved her and I was certain for a while that Ashley had convinced him to move to California. I think they Ashley even agreed to give him surfing lessons, which I didn't think was a good idea because I've never seen her surf before. Ashley's presence also helped shift some of the tension as my brother focused a few questions on her and her intentions with me.

When we arrived at Uncle Rob's after dinner, Ashley brought her suitcase into the house at my request.

"I don't know why you insisted I bring this in. I'm just going to stay at a hotel tonight," Ashley protested.

Before I could object, my mom interjected with, "No, don't be ridiculous, Ashley. There's plenty of room for you here, right Rob?"

"Absolutely," he agreed, smitten with Ashley.

"Spence, you and I will sleep together. Glen and Dad can sleep together and Ashley you can have the couch," my mom explained.

A night without being wrapped up in Ashley's arms when we were under the same roof sounded like the worst fucking idea I'd ever heard. I'd seen her for five hours and we didn't even have the chance to kiss yet. If my mom's intention was to torture me somehow, she was doing a brilliant job.

"Mom," I whined in dissent.

Paula flashed Ashley a polite smile and continued, "Excuse us for a moment, I need to speak to Spencer privately."

She tugged on my arms and pulled me deeper into the living room. Ashley twisted on her heel and grabbed Uncle Rob so they could make their hurried departure to the kitchen where Glen and Dad were arguing over who the best small forward was in the NBA.

"Ashley," I called after her and she popped her head in.

My mom gave me an annoyed look, so I made my point quick.

"If they ask, don't say LeBron," I warned giving a head tilt to the kitchen where the debate was heating up.

She gave me a quick smile and said, "Don't worry, I don't speak that language."

I laughed at her obliviousness to the sporting world and apparently foreign languages. She returned to the kitchen and I gave my mom an apologetic smile. "Sorry, someone had to tell her."

For a second, I forgot I was supposed to be pissed off at her. I quickly turned my smile into a frown, letting her know I mean business. I realized I was acting like a child, but I didn't care.

"Before you start pouting, this has nothing to do with you and Ashley or being gay. If this was Glen's girlfriend, I'd be making the same exact sleeping arrangements. You know that right?" she checked.

I sighed in defeat, knowing full well the rules. It was those same set of rules that saved me from sleeping with Patrick on the family camping trip last fall, so I knew it wasn't a double standard. Still, part of me was hoping for a more favorable solution.

"I understand and respect that. But you know that there are already too many people here and we're all stressed out and just need a good night of sleep. What if Ashley and I go to Grandma's tonight? We will make sure to be back here in plenty of time to make it to mass tomorrow morning," I bargained.

It was my hail Mary, but it was all I had.

She gave me a look that I couldn't quite figure out, but finally she caved, "Fine. You know what? You're an adult now and you should be allowed to make your own decisions. Just don't make me regret this."

I stood there in shock, with no idea how the hell I just pulled this one off. I'm not sure when my mom had managed to dislodge the stick from her ass, but I was really liking this new and improved Paula.

"Thank you!" I shouted, probably too loud for the situation. I hugged my mom and pulled her off the ground before setting her back down a moment later.

My excitement must have been contagious, because she had a giant smile on her face. It faded after a moment and I knew she wanted to talk to me about something more serious.

Finally, she said, "Now that we've got that settled, I wanted to apologize again for the way I acted when you came out. I saw the way some people looked at you and Ashley today and I realized a few things. First, that if this was a choice, nobody would subject themselves to that kind of judgment unnecessarily. Secondly, I see what you and Ashley have is real. I can't believe she came here to be with you for this. There's no way that I'm going to stand between that kind of love. Spence, I know that your life probably hasn't been very easy recently," she paused.

All I could think was, you could say that again, mom. But I didn't want to fill her in on ALL of the drama quite yet. She had made some big steps and I didn't think she could handle much more.

After a few moments of searching for the right thing to say, she resumed, "And I know that part of the reason your life hasn't been easy lately is because of me. But I want you to know I'm so proud of who you are."

I gave my mom another hug and said, "Thanks, Mom. I really needed to hear that."

Now, I couldn't wait to tell Ashley the good news about tonight. And the bad news about tomorrow morning. Oh, well. A long winded mass in the morning was worth the chance to spend tonight with Ashley and get some long overdue privacy.


	46. Chapter 46: Where Are We?

A/N: Thursday night special: Uninterrupted Spashley fluff time. Honestly, I am starting a new job and am not sure how functional my brain will be after long and draining days. I probably won't be able to crank out quality material as fast. So, this might be the last of a little flurry of activity before I slow down again.

"I can't believe you convinced your mom to let us stay at your Grandma's house," Ashley repeated for the thirteenth time as I drove her rental car to our destination.

"Yeah, um about that," I started my admission.

"I knew it! I knew it was too good to be true. Paula is going to cut me up into a million little pieces while I'm asleep tonight," she prophesized.

"Stop being such a drama queen. You've been hanging out with Glen for too long. Besides, Paula would have to pry you out of my arms and that's not going to happen anytime soon," I said. "But, I did promise her that we'd go to mass first thing in the morning."

"You did what? I thought I was going to go into a coma today. I have to sit through another hour of that tomorrow?" she whined.

"Ashley, it's going to be ok. I promise I will make it worth you while tonight," I revealed with a mischievous smile.

"Fine, but are we almost at your Grandma's soon? I'm getting a little freaked out here. Seriously, have you seen where we are, Spence? It's like welcome to south of butt-fuck nowhere. I'm waiting for the Jeepers Creepers mobile to come push us off the road so he can use our toes for earrings."

"You are disturbed and you really need to stop watching scary movies," I concluded. "And stop making fun of my home town. It's not that bad," I added.

"Spence, you know I was only teasing. I'm sure it's charming. I'm just not used to this," Ashley explained.

"What? Space. Fresh air." I clarified.

"Exactly. I haven't seen a gas station in miles. How does anyone survive here?" she seriously challenged.

"You're in luck. See up there?" I asked, pointing to an old white building.

Ashley just nodded and I continued, "Gas station. My grandma used to give me money and I'd ride my bike here and get ice cream during the summer with Gavin, my grandmother's neighbors son and first boyfriend. We were only six, but he'll always have a special place in my heart," I joked as I wiped imaginary tears from my eyes.

"It's closed," she declared unamused as we passed by. Ashley gave it a passing glance, trying to figure out if I was serious about it being a place where food was sold. Or maybe she was contemplating if that was where Leatherface lived. Or maybe she was picturing me and Gavin riding up to this place on our Huffy's. Who knows what was going through her mind right now? It was times like this, I wished I could get in her head.

A minute later, much to Ashley's relief, I was pulling into my Grandmother's driveway. It was modest, not because my grandmother couldn't afford better, but because she took a lot of pride in not being a show off. It didn't mean that she didn't care what other people thought and was concerned about maintaining the prim and proper perfect family image, but she had her humility.

"It's a little disorganized," I warned "But it's still a lot better than staying at Uncle Rob's."

"Yes, it is," she agreed.

I put the car into park and took the keys out of the ignition, while Ashley scanned the house where many of my childhood memories were made. Before I had a chance to unbuckle my seatbelt, Ashley was leaning over the center counsel.

"Spencer," she breathed hotly on my neck.

She was already responsible for sending chills over my entire body with just my name. I knew what she wanted, but I played dumb.

"Yes?" I responded, turning my head to meet her. I tried my best not to notice the fact that her lips were only inches away from mine.

"I know it's been a rough day and if you don't want to it's fine, but I was just wondering, are you ever going to kiss me?" she whispered.

"Ashley," I responded, with a strength I didn't know I had in me. "I thoroughly plan on kissing you all night long, but first I want to show you something."

Realizing that I was completely serious about the kissing later and the lack of kissing now, she collapsed back into her seat.

"If it's not your naked body, I'm not interested," she pouted.

"Come on, hornball. It will only take a few minutes," I explained.

I was really liking not caving in to her desire, at least for the time being. It was like all the build up today was making things new and exciting. My heart was already racing as I thought about what I wanted to show her and the moment when we finally would have the kind of kiss I desperately needed. I didn't want to waste it on some stolen kiss inside a smelly rental car.

After we dropped off our things inside, I grabbed a blanket off the couch and tucked it under my arm. With my free hand, I grabbed Ashley's hand and dragged her through the house.

"Come with me," I said, opening the screen door so we could go back outside.

The sun was threatening to sink beneath the horizon and I felt compelled to show Ashley what this place was all about before I ran out of time. The September winds swirled around us and there was still enough heat in the air to make the breeze comfortable.

We padded barefoot through the grass before I reached the spot where I decided to throw down the blanket. The yard was adjacent to a field, which was swaying under the orange sky and purple sky. I missed the smell of the sun kissed hay, which along with fresh cut grass and charcoal grills was one of my favorite smells of summer time.

I pulled Ashley down on the blanket with me and closed my eyes so I could concentrate on the sound of the wind blowing through the leaves and the crickets chirping their goodnight symphony. After a moment, I looked over at Ashley and saw that she was actually enjoying this moment of silence after a chaotic day. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close. She leaned back against my chest and I breathed her in.

"I still can't believe you're here," I said softly.

"I can't believe how gorgeous this is," she commented. "Or that you managed to convince Paula to let us stay here."

I loved tht she was able to see the beauty in this place that meant so much to me. My hands were draped loosely around her stomach and she placed hers on top of mine.

"It's because I'm impossible to say no to," I teased.

"You got that right!" she agreed and then pulled my hand up.

Under the fading light of day, she looked at my ring. "What is this? You're in Ohio for three days and you go and get engaged on me," she joked.

I laughed at her display of faux jealousy. Feeling the need to torture her a bit more, I replied, "Did I forget to tell you? When I was four, Gavin and I promised each other we'd get married. I just couldn't say no."

"That crazy talk isn't fooling me at all, Spence. I know Gavin's got nothing on me. I mean, I made funeral attire look sexy today! And that finger better be saved for me," she ordered.

"It's all yours," I relented. I loved it when she got feisty. "Gavin doesn't stand a chance."

With that, I shifted my position, so I could get a better view of her. I felt like I had forgotten what her face looked like over the past few days apart and I still wasn't sure that this was all a dream. I studied her face like it was a textbook before a final exam. Except, this was one test I'd always pass with flying colors. In turn, she looked back at me intently, still waiting for the explanation of my new jewelry.

Knowing that teasing her was over, I continued, "The ring was my Grandma's. I figured it would be the best way to stay connected to her somehow."

I looked down at the ring and spun it on my finger. Suddenly, I felt completely overwhelmed with all kinds of emotions that I'd been feeling today. I was exhausted and wasn't even sure what to feel anymore. Sensing that I was close to my breaking point, she took my hands in hers and I looked back up to read her with tear filled eyes.

"It's beautiful," she concurred simply.

I leaned in too kiss her, but hesitated as she glanced back at me with her intense brown eyes, melting me. Kissing her wasn't going to be a distraction, it was going to be my release and my comfort and I wanted her to know that. I hoped that I wouldn't be denied because it was the only thing I wanted. With nothing but a soft smile, she told me that she understood completely.

Gradually, I got closer and heard the slight hitch in her breath at my approach. I kissed her softly, taking my time as I explored her lips. My hands lingered over her jaw and eventually captured her face so I could deepen the kiss. I braced myself as the shockwaves rendered me powerless to do anything or to think about anything other than feel her kiss and her touch.

Gradually, darkness took over and we made love under the star lit canopy of sky. Afterwards, we both lay on the blanket and Ashley grabbed my hand with hers, lacing our fingers together.

"Know what I miss most about Ohio?" I whispered to Ashley, keeping my eyes fixed on the heavens.

"What?" she responded and glanced over at me.

From the corner of my eye, I saw her expectantly waiting for my answer. Still not lifting my gaze from the sky, I said, "The stars. It's just not the same in L.A. When I look at them here, I feel like a little kid again. It's like all the problems that I face melt away and nothing else in the world really matters but this moment."

"It's funny," Ashley observed with a pause, "That's the way I feel when I look at you. I feel like a little kid and not the kind of little kid I was growing up, but the kind of carefree kid I always wished I could be."


	47. Chapter 47: Necessary Evil

Sunday afternoon, Ashley, Glen and I got on our flight back to L.A. while my parents stayed back in Ohio to help take care of the rest of my Grandmother's estate. We arrived back at Ashley's place and decided we were both too tired and jetlagged to do anything but go to bed.

Unfortunately, a waiting Kyla and Aiden had other plans for us. They sat us down so they could tell us they had scheduled an appointment with an OB/GYN in the morning. Kyla insisted Ashley come with them. They also wanted to inform us that they were in the process of looking for an apartment together.

After a moment to process all the information, Ashley calmly responded, "Isn't it a little early to be living together? I mean you have plenty of time before the baby arrives. I know it can get a little crowded around here, but you are both more than welcome to stay for as long as you need to."

It's hard to believe this was the same Ashley who had lost her shit over this exact situation only a month ago.

Kyla gave a warm smile and agreed, "I know it's early, but we figured we should get used to living with each other before we throw a baby into the mix. It's going to be hard enough adjusting to that without knowing each other first."

While I was convinced this was a horrible idea that had disaster written all over it, the logic actually did make some sense. Aiden stayed quiet for much of the conversation, only chiming in occasionally to agree with pretty much everything Kyla said.

Finally, Ashley and I retreated to her room to sleep, but my mind was working way to hard to do anything but sleep. Ashley seemed equally as distracted as me and even though her eyes were closed, I could tell she wasn't asleep either.

"Ash?" I called softly to her.

"Yeah, Spence," she returned and rolled on her side to face me.

I pulled her close and asked a question I wasn't sure I was ready to hear the answer to.

"How do you feel about all of this baby stuff and Kyla moving in with Aiden?"

Ashley had a neutral expression that I couldn't read while she pondered the question. After a moment, she had a faint smile and replied, "It's bittersweet. I am going to miss my sister like crazy and I hope she isn't making a giant mistake, but it's weird. I've never really seen her like this before. She's never been one to keep a guy for a long time, so a month is like a year in Kyla time. Which is like a decade in Madison time. As for the baby, I can't wait to be an aunt and spoil the shit out of my neice or nephew. I'm going to be the coolest aunt, ever."

I chuckled at her assessment, but there was a part of me that needed a little more validation.

"Seeing the baby…it's not going to remind you of what you lost?"

Ashley heaved a heavy sigh and I caught a faint hint of disappointment in her eyes. She looked away from my gaze at the pattern comforter between us as she began, "Honestly, it's going to take a little getting used to."

I remained quiet, because I could tell she was still looking for the right words to say. Slowly, she looked into my eyes and the disappointment was replaced with something else. "But I've had a while so sort through my demons and I think when I was younger, I wanted to have a baby for all the wrong reasons. It didn't make it hurt any less, but it's still something. Being apart from you this past week and then seeing you again with your family gave me a little perspective. Someday, I want to have children, but I want to have them…with you."

She gave me a sheepish smile and I reflected one right back at her as I contemplated her words. Truthfully, I had never imagined myself as a mother, but with Ashley, anything was a possibility.

"But I'm not in a hurry because right now I'm enjoying every second I have with you all to myself. I know we are going to have the most amazing family together and it makes me smile just thinking about the possibility of that day," Ashley finished.

Speechless, I simply pulled her close and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips. Shortly after our talk, we fell asleep. Unfortunately, I woke up with a headache a few hours later and had a difficult time falling back to sleep. There was a lot on my mind still and I tossed and turned while Ashley slept like a log next to me.

It was shortly after one a.m. and I still had a raging headache, so I made my way out into the dark kitchen to score some medicine and a glass of water. Somehow, I managed to get out of bed without disturbing Ashley.

"Ashley, is that you?" Aiden called out as he shuffled around in the dark behind me.

Before I could respond, I felt his strong hands against my back, so I spun around to face him pulling a wooden spoon from the holder on the counter. I took the confident few steps towards him, forcing Aiden to backpedal and had him pressed against the counter, before I jabbed him in the chest.

I flashed on the light, causing him to close his eyes in response. After getting used to the light myself, I noticed he was only wearing a pair of boxers, so I stared at him with an irritated scowl on my face.

"Easy there Kung Fu Panda," Aiden gasped with his hands in the air in mock surrender. "I wasn't trying to cop a feel. I am not at all interested in that Davies sister."

My spoon was still inches away from his face while I pondered if he was serious. Gently, he pinched the spoon with his fingers and sidestepped his way from under it.

"Then what are you doing?" I asked, my head throbbing too much to bother with formalities.

His eyes darted around in confusion and his mouth hung open slightly while he formulated a response. This guy was as dumb as a box of rocks.

"What the fuck do you think your doing with the touching and the hands?" I repeated, slower and louder this time so even he could understand.

I lowered my spoon, which was still raised at attention, waiting for his response. He ran a hand through his black hair before offering his words of surrender, "Ok, ok. I get this whole thing sucks, Spencer. Do you honestly think I want to force myself on Ashley in the kitchen in the middle of the night? Like it's not difficult enough for me to deal with being a father soon and on top of it, there's this whole weirdness between you and me. It's like nothing I do is right and I'm really trying to handle this the best I can."

If he was looking for sympathy from me, he wasn't about to find it. I placed my hand on my hip and gave him my best I could care less face, while I waited for him to get to the point.

"Believe me when I tell you, the only thing Ashley and I have going on is history. I just came out here to get Kyla some antacid. The baby gives her really bad heartburn," he said, his green eyes scanning mine in search of peace. "I couldn't see where I was going and I knew someone was out here. I figured if it was Ashley, she'd know where the antacid was. I was reaching for the counter when I accidentally touched you. That's all."

He was either a fantastic liar, which I doubted because he didn't seem smart enough to pull it off, or he was being sincere. In fact, there was something very redeeming about him trying to take care of Kyla in that moment and even I had to admit he was cute in a big dumb animal kind of way.

"Sorry. I guess I was just a little…," I started.

"Crazy?" he interrupted.

"Aiden?" I asked, setting the spoon back into it's holder.

"Yeah?" he replied with shit eating grin.

"Rule number one. If you want to get on my good side, don't call me crazy. In fact that rule generally works well for all women and in particular, pregnant women. If you're going to fill in the blanks, you might want to find another word like radiant or stunning," I suggested.

I wasn't sure what had prompted my charity, but I had just satisfied my requirement of good deeds for the day. He nodded his head and I opened the medicine cabinet to get him the Tums for Kyla and some Aspirin for myself.

"What about breathtaking?" he asked, taking the bottle from my hand.

With a nod, I confirmed, "Better. Definitely better than crazy. Look Aiden, I'm sorry for snapping at you a minute ago. I have a bad headache and it's been a really stressful week."

"No worries, just remind me not to piss you off again," he said.

I took my medicine and we each wandered back to our separate rooms. Ashley was waiting for me in the doorway, yawning and scratching her stomach. How was it possible that she made even that look hot? It didn't really matter, because she was all mine, I thought with a smile.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," I said.

"I saw that," she acknowledged with a nod in the direction of the kitchen.

"You did?" I asked, trying to conceal my humiliation. Hopefully she didn't witness me fencing Aiden with utensils.

"Yeah. I know it hasn't been easy having Aiden around a lot. But they're looking for a place and soon they'll find one. And once they do, you know what that means?"

"I can finally walk around here naked?" I guessed.

A smile lit up her face and she replied, "That's not exactly what I had in mind, but I'm not going to argue with that. Or maybe I should?"

"Huh?"

"You are very sexy when you're mad, Kung Fu Panda," she joked. "I need to get you riled up more often!"

After choking on my embarrassment, I was about to come to my own defense, when she stopped my half opened mouth with her lips. She pushed me up against the doorway, never letting her hands take their grip from my sides. I was entranced my the gentle squeeze she gave my hips, before she raked her fingers lightly over my stomach, sending shivers throughout my body. She was already pushing my tank top up over my head before we even made it back to her bed.

"Now let's get back to this idea of you being naked around here some more," Ashley commanded as she stripped me of my remaining clothes. "That was the best idea I'd heard all night. And I plan on making it a priority."

"Ash, what are you doing? You told Kyla you'd get up early and go with her and Aiden to the doctor's," I said between kisses as she laid me down on the bed.

"Spence, do you still have that headache?" she asked, totally ignoring my reminder as she buried her face into my neck.

"Mmm hmm," I admitted, though it was suddenly the last thing I was concentrating on.

Ashley was crawling on me like a jungle gym and my body was definitely going to be her playground tonight. I was no longer concerned with how tired she was going to be tomorrow. We'd both be drinking a lot of coffee tomorrow and it was totally going to be worth it.

"Well, consider this me taking your mind off of it," she whispered in my ear before doing this thing with her tongue that made the throbbing in my head travel someplace else where only she could relieve it.


	48. Chapter 48: Almost Lovers

A/N: Doesn't Spashley deserve a night out on the town? I think so! If I had to guess, I think that there's only going to be about ten chapters left on this thing, so thanks for hanging in there with me. I feel the home stretch coming and I'm getting a little impatient, so it's a LONG one. Also, I had a bit of fun with some of the webisode quotes. Hope you enjoy!

The doorbell rang at eight p.m. promptly. I skipped to the door in my dress like an excited kid. Ashley didn't tell me the specifics, but I knew we had some very romantic plans tonight.

First we were going to stop by Chelsea's last show before she left for New York and then the rest of the night was going to be a series of wonderful surprises. At least that's what Ashley told me every time I asked her what we were going to do. And I asked her repeatedly. I really dislike surprises and for some reason, Ashley is constantly compelled to shake me of that fact.

We bickered about it all week and the last time and it went something like this:

Ashley: Come on, Spence. Where's your spirit of adventure?

Me: It's been beaten out of me by a large number of unfortunate surprises.

Ashley: It can't be that bad. I'm going to prove you wrong about this.

Me: Please don't. I don't hate a lot of things, just let me hate surprises. And Aiden. And socks with sandals.

Ashley: (Sighs) What am I going to do with you?

Me: You can start by kissing me and maybe I will be more receptive to this surprise.

(She kisses me, because I always get what I want).

Ashley: So, are you going to let me plan the surprise date for us now?

Me: Nope, not enough kissing to convince me yet. Maybe you should kiss me again?

(She kisses me again, this time it's the kind of kiss that let's me know it's a better hope the neighbors don't need to wake up early kind of kiss before pulling away and leaving me pouting)

Ashley: If you want me to say yes to picking up where I left off, now might be a good time to say yes to me picking you up at eight on Saturday.

Me: (Nodding. God, I am so whipped!)

After I accepted her invitation, she refused to let me stay at her loft for the rest of the week, which was fine with me. It gave us the much needed alone time away from Kyla and Aiden.

My flashback ended as I opened the door and couldn't think any coherent thoughts about the past, present or future. All I could think about was that Ashley's surprise better be that she wants to ditch the show and spend the rest of the night here getting naughty with me.

I just stood in the doorway staring at her out of control body that she was showing off in a very short blue-grey dress. The halter neckline plunged so deep, there was little left to the imagination and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Her hair was in an updo and her smoky eyelids made the slight hint of hazel in her irises pop even more.

"Are you going to let me in, or are you planning on ogling me all night long?" she asked, before pressing against me to let herself in.

I stumbled back as her body grazed mine still in a trance. Get it together, self. "You look phenomenal tonight, Ash," I stammered.

She grabbed my hand and drew me into her body. "Damn right I do. But it's only because I knew you would look totally fuckable tonight. I was right, by the way. I need to make sure you don't get any ideas," she teased.

"Ideas?" I questioned.

"Yes. If I'm going to have the most beautiful date at the gallery tonight, I better make sure I'm in her league," she clarified.

I blushed at her words and as she inspected me with a critical eye.

"Turn around," she commanded while spinning her index finger in a circular motion.

I did as she asked, letting my dress float around me. I stopped and tried to figure out what she was up to. Ashley continued to stare at me and finally she determined, "There's something missing."

"What?" I asked as I inspected myself self consciously.

I was wearing a sage green dress and while I wasn't showing half as much skin as Ashley, that was a common occurrence. Nervously, I smoothed out the front of my dress and averted my gaze from hers.

I felt her index finger gently pick my chin back up so our eyes met again. "It's this, silly," Ashley responded by kissing me gently.

She pulled away and added, "And this," as she handed me a square box that was a very distinct robin's egg blue that could only be from one place. The most glorious place on the face of the planet. The place where Holly Golightly wanted to have breakfast.

"Tiffany's!" I shouted.

It was no secret I was a huge Audrey Hepburn fan and by default, Breakfast at Tiffany's was one of my favorite movies of all time. While I had been on a film school nerd rant, Ashley humored me by listening intently and even sitting through the movie with me, three times so far.

"Open it," Ashley encouraged.

I gingerly pulled at the ribbon and opened the box to reveal a diamond necklace.

"Oh my God, Ash. It's beautiful, but you shouldn't have," I started.

She freed the necklace from the box and clasped it around my neck, before planting a kiss below at the base of my neck. She pulled me back into her and said, "See, surprises aren't so bad, right? Are you ready for the next one?"

I nodded and we left my apartment, walking hand in hand towards the parking lot. As we rounded the corner, I saw there was a limo waiting for us. Ashley was sporting a much deserved, if not adorably egotistical smile. She knew she was converting me into a surprise junkie with every one, tonight.

The driver held the door for us and when we were inside, there was champagne on ice waiting.

"Does this mean I'm going to have to put out tonight?" I asked.

"Absolutely," she confirmed as she filled my glass. "That's why I plan on getting you a little drunk tonight."

Alcohol would not be needed to accomplish that mission. Regardless, I chugged my champagne and set the glass in it's holder so my hands were free to wander all over Ashley's body.

"Spence, I'm not complaining, but you are kind of a cheap date," she deadpanned half way through our make out session.

I stopped momentarily to feign anger, but she was right. Embracing my slutty self, I continued to work my tongue over her like she was the last tootsie pop on the face of the earth and it was up to me alone to verify just how many licks to get to the center.

Sex in a limo was not on my bucket list, but I decided to add it just so I could check it off the list on the ride home.

The gallery where Chelsea's last show was being held was too close for my liking and we arrived there in no time and just as the crowd was in full swing.

Throngs of people made it impossible for us to get the chance to talk to Chelsea until at least an hour into the night. Ashley and Chelsea were off talking about making plans to visit her in New York while Sean and I discussed the details of his new job there.

"I'm glad you decided to ask Chelsea to go with you," I stated.

"Me too. I've never seen her this happy before," Sean agreed averting his eyes from my knowing stare in nervousness.

"I'm really going to miss you guys," I said.

"You won't have to miss us for long, you'll probably be right behind me. The studio has a lot of affiliations with some independent labels and you can go wherever you want. Plus, when I make it big and start directing my own stuff, you know you're on my short list, right Carlin?" he asked.

"Yes, please don't forget about us little people while you're out there making your dreams come true."

Sean gave me a polite laugh and it was getting hard to move with the continued influx of people. I was getting a little hot and buzzed from the complimentary champagne and decided I needed to use the restroom.

"Excuse me, I'll be back in a minute," I explained to Sean.

"Yeah, I need to get out of here. There's way too many people in here and I need to get some fresh air," he concurred.

I shuffled through the crowd on the way to the bathroom and watched as Sean also began to walk away to the atrium in the back. After checking myself over in the bathroom, fixing my raccoon eyes and reapplying my lip gloss, I worked up the courage to go back out into the main gallery.

While I was on my way back, I noticed a familiar face in the crowd and did a double take at the sight of him. I could only make out part of his profile, but I had seen it enough to know exactly who it was.

"Glen," I gasped. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Have I mentioned how much I hate surprises? My idiot brother being here was definitely a surprise and this was certainly not one of the ones Ashley had been planning all week. He managed to shower and was even wearing a trendy outfit. Grey pants with a white button down with rolled up sleeves and a skinny tie had him looking like he spent at least two hundred bucks at Express for Men.

He turned to face me and I grabbed his arm and pulled him over into the corner and out of Chelsea's line of sight, earning a worried glance from Ashley. I tried to give her a I've got it all under control smile, but she just rolled her eyes at me and downed a glass of champagne while trying to eavesdrop on our conversation.

"Relax, Spencer. Can't a guy just take an interest in fine arts?" Glen asked while searching the entire room casually.

"Don't pull that shit with me, Glen. I know the only fine arts you've ever been interested in are female nudes," I said. "Cut the crap and answer my question. What are you doing here?" I demanded.

He looked to the crowd and gave Ashley a half smile before he returned his attention to me. "I had to see her," he admitted shoving his hands in his pockets. As if it was that easy and I knew the exact she that Glen was referring to. This was not going to be a pleasant conversation.

"And what are you going to do when you see her? She has a boyfriend who is here and standing outside at this very moment and she's moving to New York with him in a week," I explained softly.

"I overheard you and Ashley talking in Ohio about Chelsea and this being her last show here in L.A. Ever since I got back, all I could think about was that I had to do this. I know this is a long shot and I'm not expecting any miracles here, but I don't want to end up like Uncle Rob."

"Glen, it's been like eight years. I want you to be happy and I sure as hell don't want you ending up like Uncle Rob, but is Chelsea really what you want?"

He placed both his hands on my shoulders and forced me to look him square in the eye. I knew just by looking at him that there was nothing I could say to change his mind, even though I thought he had no chance in hell.

"I don't know, but what I do know is that if I don't at least try, I'm always going to wonder. I loved her and I just let her go to Paris without a fight and this time I'm not prepared to spend another eight years wondering if it would have ended up different if she knew that I still think about her every day," he offered.

I knew my brother well enough to see that this was something he had to do. I was about to offer my blessing, when I saw out of the corner of my eye, it wouldn't be necessary.

Chelsea was standing right behind Glen, close enough to have heard at least a good portion of what he had just said. The large volume of people made it loud in here, but her eyes were a little misty and upon inspecting her reaction, I knew she had heard enough. There was a distinct mixture of fear and something else I couldn't quite recognize that was evident in her expression.

My mouth hung open as I realized that my words no longer served a purpose in this conversation. Glen was aware that I had shifted my attention elsewhere and slowly turned around to face the source of my focus.

"Chelsea," Glen breathed almost inaudibly, now sporting the same look of shock I had moments ago.

"Glen," she returned with a soft but shaky voice.

With some unease, he pulled her into an embrace. "So, I guess I don't need to tell you what I'm doing here," he joked.

Like a deer caught in the headlights, I couldn't move. Chelsea simply shook her head, still unable to say anything.

"I know there are a million reasons for you to go to New York and say no to me, but all I'm hoping for is one reason for you to stay," he finished seriously.

Chelsea grabbed him by the wrist and led him to the back of the gallery, out of my view and my earshot. After they left, I was pulled from my trance and stumbled back over to Ashley.

"What was that?" she asked.

"A train wreck," I deadpanned.

Ashley just stared at me, waiting for more information than my brain was able to offer. I could never hide anything from her and her penetrating brown eyes.

"Glen is trying to win her back or something," I elaborated as rational thought returned to me.

Ashley gave a half smile and opined, "That is so sweet."

"Look at you being a closet romantic," I teased.

"There's no closet about it. I am a full blown out and proud romantic. And I guess even Glen needs somebody to love," she clarified.

"Yeah, but what about Sean?" I half-rhetorically asked as I nervously glanced around so see if Sean had returned.

I didn't see him, so he was probably still outside, but he wasn't going to stay out there all night. Ashley just gave me a shrug and handed me a glass of champagne from a passing caterer. Minutes passed by agonizingly slow while I waited for the shit to really hit the fan. For my brother, I was a nervous wreck. I was trying to pace in a crowd of people with little success. The only thing I was doing competently was pissing off the people around me that I kept bumping into.

"What could they possibly be talking about that would take this long?" I wondered aloud to Ashley.

The more I tried to keep my nervous energy in check, the more I fidgeted. The more I fidgeted, the more I felt like my mother. That alone was disturbing enough for me to make a beeline for the door.

Ashley followed me out to the street and grabbed my hand, pulling me towards her.

"Calm down, Spence," she requested. "Glen is a big boy and whatever happens, he's going to be fine."

I nodded, knowing she was right. I guess I had grossly underestimated his feelings for Chelsea over the years. I assumed it had been just another high-school sweetheart couple that didn't work out.

"I know, but I feel so responsible for this. Me and my stupid mouth gave Glen some chance for hope at Kyla's birthday debacle," I explained.

"Baby, everything is going to be ok. You're starting to make me nervous, and I don't do nervous," Ashley reported.

All I could do was smile at her and her uncanny ability to make my craziness disappear. Any residual craziness was brought to a crashing halt as Glen hastily exited the door and briskly walked onto the sidewalk next to us.

"Glen," I called after him, running in my Goddamn three inch heels to catch up.

"I don't want to talk about it Spence!" he growled.

Obviously, things had not gone well with Chelsea.

"Good," I said, causing him to stop and look at me in confusion.

I saw the hurt in his face and I corrected, "I don't want to talk about it either. Just come with me to the bar across the street and we'll drink about it. My treat."

He nodded and Ashley caught up to us a moment later.

"I'll be there in a few. I'm just going to say goodbye to Chels and give you two a little time together," she whispered.

She placed a goodbye kiss on my cheek and Glen and I crossed the street, so I could help him heal his broken heart with the best band aid for the soul money could buy: alcohol. Ed was behind the bar and I ordered us two beers and two of his special shots.

We each held up our shot glasses and I couldn't resist the opportunity to toast, "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else."

"I'll drink to that," Glen said and downed the shot with me. "So who here should I sleep with tonight? Are you going to be my wing woman Spence?"

Glen continued to scour the bar with his eyes, looking for some floozy, I'm sure. I laughed knowing that I was probably going to get my ass kicked for what I was going to say next, but I hoped it would be worth it if it brought a smile to Glen's face for even a second.

"Not necessary, brother. I am the best wing woman in the world because I already got you laid! You just had Sex with Ed," I teased, now breaking out into a full on drunken giggle.

Glen just looked at me with a disturbed look of confusion. Clearly, he was not drunk enough to appreciate my humor.

"The shot. It's called Sex with Ed. At least I'm not the only gay one in the family," I added.

Glen just sat there rubbing his temples, trying not to laugh at my stupidity.

"That is so not funny, Spencer. Um, did Ed put some sort of hallucinogenic drug in those shots?" he asked with a smirk.

"No, crazy," I said. "And calm down, I was only kidding. I know you like boobs too much to ever consider guys."

"Yeah, that's not what I was referring to. You might want to sit down for this one though, because your karma train just took a sharp detour off a cliff," he said cryptically.

I traced his familiar blue eyes to where they were fixed on a gorgeous girl with her back turned to us, who was presenting her I.D. to the bouncer. After my drunk goggles finally focused, I realized he wasn't joking. The girl was laughing with a group of friends as they entered. She tossed her curly chestnut locks to the side and my gaze met hers and stayed locked for what I thought was an eternity.

I'd recognize those slate blue eyes anywhere. It had been over two years since I'd seen her, but I would recognize my former best friend and almost lover anywhere.

"Zoe," I mouthed, but nothing came out.

Still, she saw my lips form her name in shock and flashed me a warm smile. Chills covered my body as I watched her excuse herself from her friends and head towards Glen and me.

"Yeah, we're going to need a few more of these, Ed," Glen yelled pointing to our empty shot glasses on the bar.

I took a pull from my beer and Zoe called out my name in a delighted shriek before wrapping me into a hug. We lingered in each others arms for a few moments, caught in some sort of fucked up time warp. All I could do was stare at her features, trying to make sense of the fact that somehow Zoe was standing in front of me, still touching me at this very moment.

"How have you been?" I stammered.

"Good. How have you been?" she asked.

I've been better is what I wanted to say, but instead I mumbled out, "Pretty good."

Glen slid from his stool and Zoe gave him a hug next. They exchanged pleasantries and I could tell by her expression that she was trying to determine if Glen had told me about her confession.

"I'm going to use the bathroom," Glen announced and I barely paid attention. We downed our shots and he took his beer with him, leaving me alone with Zoe.

I was still in so much shock, I forgot that I was somewhat angry with Zoe, not that it really mattered anymore. Before I had a chance to say anything, Zoe swallowed me into another embrace.

"I really missed you Spence," she whispered into my ear. "I thought about calling you all the time and apologizing for what happened between us. It was all my fault," she admitted.

Finally, she pulled away, but not far enough to be anything but intimately close to me. It was then saw Ashley standing behind Zoe, watching the whole exchange with a puzzled and slightly pissed off look on her face.

"Ash," I said, prompting Zoe to stumble back further.

Ashley filled the space that Zoe had been occupying and slipped her arm around my waist. I could tell she was jealous and slightly possessive, even though as far as I was concerned, there was no reason to be. No matter what I did next, this was going to hurt like hell.

"Zoe, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Ashley. Ashley, this is Zoe," I introduced after deciding on taking the painful but obvious solution.

Ashley shot me a knowing look from the corner of her eye, but shook Zoe's hand and gave her a fake, but passable polite smile. I was half expecting her to flip out, but she didn't. Part of me was glad, but the insecure part of me wondered why. Why had she gotten so upset over Aiden and Madison, but not this situation with Zoe?

"Girlfriend?" Zoe repeated.

"Girlfriend," Ashley reiterated with a nod.

I probably had a stupid grin on my face because of the absurdity of the whole situation and the amount of alcohol running through my bloodstream. Had it not been me who was totally being fucked over, it would have been hilarious. My smile faded as I noticed the hurt in Zoe's eyes.

"Oh, it's so nice to meet you, Ashley," Zoe said after regaining her composure.

She stayed for a few more minutes of awkward conversation about work and life since college and I found out she was only in town until Monday. One of her drunken friends I vaguely recognized from college stumbled over and began to pull her back to the group like she was on a Navy Seal mission.

"Well, I guess I should get going. It was nice seeing you again, Spence," she called out while being tugged in the opposite direction.

I saw Ashley cringe at the sound of my nickname rolling off of Zoe's lips. In turn, I grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze which didn't go unnoticed by Zoe.

"Good to see you again, Zoe," I said and watched as she joined her friends.

"Wow, that was terrible," Ashley commented.

"No kidding. Did I mention I hate surprises? Can we just go home?" I asked Ashley.

"The limo driver said he'd be here in an hour," she said. "Why didn't you tell me that Zoe looks like Rachel McAdams' doppelganger?"

"Um, because it is completely irrelevant?" I returned trying to tell her silently with my gaze that I only ever wanted to be with her. "Why didn't you go all crazy?"

"I wanted to. I kept wanting to tell her to stay away because if she fuck's with you, she fuck's with me. And she doesn't want to fuck with me because I drink rocket fuel and shit alligators."

"That doesn't even make sense," I said with a laugh.

"Well, these are the kind of thoughts I have when I'm worked into a jealous rage. But I'm trying to be a better person. I don't want to lose you over something stupid I say again," she admitted.

Knowing that she was still fighting off her jealous thoughts, I wrapped my arms around her and gave her a passionate kiss.

"Ew. God. My eyes! This would be so hot if it wasn't my sister! I'm so confused!" Glen said, returning from his bathroom break with him arm wrapped around some super wasted skank who laughed at his dumbass comments. She looked like an extra on a Ke$ha music video.

He introduced us, but I forgot her name a second later and they started making out. He's lucky he was heartbroken and even I could forgive him of his hypocrisy under those circumstances.

"Let's go dance!" Glen's slut de jour suggested after coming up for air.

"Yes! Dance!" I said, needing to be someplace where I wasn't under Zoe's watchful stare. We went to the second floor, where there were already a few dozen people dancing to Lady Gaga.

Ashley and I were grinding on each other and it was starting to get hot in more ways than one. The only thing that kept my mind out of the gutter with Ashley was Glen drunkenly fondling his future one night stand. Ashley and I decided to get some drinks to cool off while Glen continued to dry hump the poor girl on the dance floor.

"I'll be right back," Ashley yelled over the music and made her way to the bar.

While I was waiting for my drinks, I felt a set of hands on my waist. Expecting to see Ashley, I turned with a grin on my face, but was surprised to see Zoe.

"So, Spence?" she asked, still not removing her hands from me.

She was obviously drunk, so I pushed her hands down and was given a apologetic glance in response.

"I hope that you can forgive me for what happened between us and maybe we can be friends? I meant what I said about missing you," Zoe offered.

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you just ditched me, Zoe. I was your friend before anything else. It hurt like hell that you felt like you couldn't be honest with me about who you are."

"So you know?" she questioned hesitantly.

"Yeah, I know and don't be pissed at Glen, I figured it out eventually. I finally forced him to tell me a few months ago. I can understand where your coming from, but you just cut me out of your life like I meant nothing," I added.

She looked at me with teary eyes and I knew my words were harsh, but they were true.

"Fair enough," she said. "I deserve whatever you decide. But, just know I'm still the girl who got drunk with you Freshman year and stopped you from streaking through the dorm. I'm still the girl who helped you with that mid term paper on Citizen Kane even though I fucking hated that movie."

A laugh slipped out at the memories we shared, not sure if they would be enough. There was no point in holding a grudge against her any longer. Considering she still lived almost three thousand miles away, I decided to humor her request.

"Okay," I conceded. "Friends."

I extended my hand and she shook it and said, "I can handle being friends."

Zoe gave me a smile and dashed off onto the dance floor with her posse. Ashley made her way over to me without any drinks and I could tell she wanted to ask, so I gave her a glance to let her know it was ok.

"You two best buds now?" Ashley asked sarcastically.

"BFF's for life," I joked with an eye roll. "Can we leave now for real?"

"Yeah. The limo should be here any minute. What should we do about Glen?" she asked.

"Ah! Glen!" Damn him. Damn my stupid brother. Damn the slore he was trying to score with.

I marched over to Glen and ripped him off the chick, who didn't seem too bothered by it.

"Hey, we're leaving," I announced.

"What? The night is young and so is the girl I plan on fuc-" he started, but noticed that she was already making out with another guy.

Tonight was not a good night for Team Carlin. I think the unofficial score after tonight was Life: 1,437,870 Team Carlin: 0.

"Do you mind if I crash at you place tonight? There's no way I'm going to be able to drive and I need to get out of here before this night gets any worse," he said giving me the sad puppy dog eyes.

I gave a nervous glance over to Ashley who was waiting for me at the corner of the bar.

"Fine," I agreed, grabbing him by the cuff of his shirt and forcing him off the dance floor. "But you owe me big. You have no idea how much of a clam jam you are right now," I added as I thought about how my bucket list would still have SEX IN A LIMO on it come tomorrow morning.

"Gross, that term is disgusting and I think I just vomited in my mouth. My sister does not have sex. My sister does not have sex. My sister does not have sex," he repeated the mantra the whole way down to the limousine in his drunken zen-like state.

"Is he going to say that the whole ride home?" Ashley asked.

"I don't know. I think it might be permanent idiocy. He's suffered with it his entire life. I'm afraid there's no cure," I answered with a smile, taking her hand.

Luckily for Ashley and I, Glen passed out a minute into our drive home. We decided to go back to Ashley's since she lived a little closer and he stumbled onto the couch. Ashley threw a blanket on him and I left a bottle of water on the coffee table beside him. After watching him sleep for a second, I felt a pang of guilt as I remembered the events of tonight. I gave him a quick kiss on the forehead, knowing he would really be hurting tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Ashley had wandered out to find me in the living room and watched me take care of Glen. She was already in her pajamas and I couldn't hide the disappointment on my face knowing that I didn't get the opportunity to rip that dress of her body like I had fantasized doing all night long. Then, I realized it didn't matter because she was still making my heart race without even trying in her P.J.'s and that may have been the best surprise of the night.

"What?" she asked looking down at herself.

"Nothing," I dismissed, hoping she wouldn't notice the blush I was trying to stifle as a result of all my dirty thoughts.

"You're blushing," she pressed.

"It just got really hot in here," I said knowing she'd pick up on my innuendo since any attempt I made to hide my feelings from her was an epic fail.

"Oooh, little girl next door that was all sweet and innocent, what's up?" she mocked.

"You've corrupted me!" I blamed her lightheartedly.

She took a few steps closer to me and wrapped me into her arms, "I've freed you," she corrected softly and placed a kiss on my neck.

Ashley turned off the lights in the living room and stopped me before I made it through her doorway into her room.

"What are you doing?" I asked as she held onto my shoulders firmly, preventing me from moving.

"I know that tonight was supposed to be a night of surprises and most of the ones we got really sucked. I'm sorry things didn't work out the way I planned," she started.

"It's okay, Ash," I said. "Just promise me no more surprises?"

"I can't do that. Well, there's one more and it's in here," she revealed. "But after this one, you win. No more surprises."

"Deal," I said with a smile.

She led me by the hand and in the darkness helped me remove my dress.

"Get that sexy ass of yours in bed," she demanded . With a smack of my butt, she hearded me onto her bed.

"Okay, okay. I'm in bed," I told her as I settled under the comfort of her duvet.

She joined me a moment later and found my hand under the covers, weaving her fingers with mine. She gave my hand a quick squeeze and checked, "Are you ready?"

Ready for what, I had no idea, but there was no way I was going to tell her no.

"Ready," I confirmed.

Ashley rolled over and I heard the click of a power strip being turned on and the ceiling above us illuminated into a replica of stars. Fiber optic lights twinkled above us and shown down onto the gigantic smile that was etched on my face.

"When we were in Ohio, you said how much you miss the stars and I know it's not as good as the real thing, but if I could have figured out how to give you the real thing, I would have. I put Chelsea to work before I let her leave us. So, I hope you like it," she explained in a ramble.

"Ash, it's amazing," I whispered. "Best surprise, ever."

I was torn between looking at her or the view above me. The results of Chelsea's hard work was gorgeous, but it was nothing compared to Ashley. My eyes found their way to her face and watched as the twinkling star lights danced off her profile.


	49. Chapter 49: Trick or Treat?

A/N: Ok reviewers. You should ALL be proud of yourselves and your ability to make me smile after a long day of work. I want an Ashley, too. But I'd make her miniature so I could put her in my pocket and take her everywhere with me. I'm glad there was one person who liked Ashley's line about shitting alligators. That was my favorite line to write, so far. Now, I'm asking you all for a little help since I'm almost finished with this story and already have my next story lined up in my brain and random pieces of paper I write my insane thoughts on before I forget. For the next story, I'd like your input on: If Spencer were to have an online dating profile, what would she say? What would an overbearing Paula write for "straight" Spencer's profile?

As for this chapter, I have to say it's unexpected. I even surprised myself a little bit by what happened, so I hope you like! Sorry for the long a/n today. I'm feeling chatty.

Saturday morning, I slept in while Ashley was at work. Normally, she woke me before leaving, but this morning I hadn't budged while she got ready. November was trying to creep in, and the mornings were dark as the days gradually became shorter, which meant that I would be staying in bed longer.

I woke to a note on Ashley's pillow. All it said simply was:

Spence,

Look in the kitchen, sleepyhead. Don't say I never did anything for you!

Love,

Ashley

Her words made me smile since they were a complete understatement. She knew she spoiled me. I threw my hair into a pony tail and padded into the kitchen, where a Post-It was on one of the cabinets. Ashley's handwriting simply encouraged:

You're getting warm.

Not being a total idiot, or so I'd like to think, I opened it. Staring me in the face was an unopened box of Golden Grahams. On the front of the box was another Post-It that read:

Only the best for my love

XO

I poured myself a bowl and sent her a thank you text. I plopped down on the couch, wondering what I would do on this lazy Saturday, when I caught the clock on the cable box.

Shit! It was already almost one. After I finished, I set my bowl on the coffee table and flicked through the channels before turning off the T.V. I glanced down at the coffee table in front of me and realized it was slowly turning into a dumping ground for books about baby names and What to Expect When You're Expecting. I ran my fingers over the smooth cover, but stopped short of peering inside.

Babies scared me. I don't know if it's because I'm the youngest child and I never dealt with infants, but to this day, I don't know how to properly change a diaper. If anybody asked me to hold a newborn in the past, I usually made a pathetic excuse, frightened that I wouldn't be able to support the head. In about four months there would be a baby arriving and I wasn't going to have enough excuses to avoid this one.

I thought about how people make decisions all the time that have a ripple effect that end up disturbing the peaceful little pond of my life. I was still adjusting to the chaos of the pebble named Aiden that came crashing down and there were times when the wakes feel like they are never going to end.

Aiden was still not my favorite person and I honestly feel like Kyla could do so much better, but against all odds they seemed to be making things work. However, they were not in agreement over where they wanted to live, which meant…yep…you guessed it, more ripples.

Speaking of the devil, Aiden wandered into the living room, already irritating me with his presence alone. My peaceful "morning" was not going to be peaceful, I could feel it. I mustered my most civil, "Hey," to acknowledge his arrival.

"Hey, Spencer. I wasn't expecting you here," he remarked as he went into the kitchen.

I wasn't expecting to be annoyed this morning, I thought. Idiot. I held my tongue from spewing my pre-coffee venomous words. I held them until I watched as he helped himself to the Golden Grahams I had left on the counter. What an asshole maneuver!

"Funny, I was thinking the same thing about you. Shouldn't you be standing shirtless in front of an Abercrombie somewhere?" I sarcastically inquired. "Oh, no wait, that would imply that you actually had a job."

Oops! At the sight of him eating my cereal that was specifically bought for me by Ashley, I lost all control. It was only around Aiden that I couldn't keep my pissiness in check. But seriously, could the kid not see the pink Post-It with Ashley's handwriting on it.? Maybe he couldn't read.

"Huh?" he said, craning his neck in my direction. "My hearings all fucked up from the gig last night. What did you say?"

Every time a sarcastic comment goes unheard, a child asking for candy is given one of those freaky orange circus peanuts. Both thoughts made my skin crawl or that was possibly just the effect of being in the same room with Aiden. My eyes darted in an accusatory manner from the cereal box to his open mouthed chewing that sounded like a cow.

"Oh, sorry. Was this yours?" he asked as he shoved another mouthful of cereal into his pie hole with such speed, it left a trail of milk running down his chin.

"It's okay. By all means, help yourself," I offered, waving a hand in his direction.

Agitated and not wanting to hear the sounds of his slurping my breakfast food, I turned the television back on. It did as much as any electronic device can do to drown out his existence, but Aiden was overpowering. After an hour, I was still fart-dicking around on the couch in my favorite AE girlboxers and a tank top and figured it might be a good time to take a shower.

I was drying off and I chucked the towel into the hamper when Aiden popped his head into the door and shouted, "Speeee…"

He stood there just staring at my completely naked body in shock, but not moving fast enough for my liking.

"Aiden!" I screamed, trying to cover myself. It was moments like this I wish I had an extra hand so I could have either covered up faster or smacked the shit out of him.

"Sorry!" he yelled back as he headed out the doorway.

The no doors thing going on in the loft was getting to be a pet peeve of mine. I finished getting dressed and marched out into the living room, ready for a showdown. My hair was still wet and clinging to my face as I shouted, "What the fuck was that?"

He looked at me with sorrowful eyes and said, "I'm sorry. Kyla was going out to lunch with Raife and she should have been back a while ago. She was planning on telling him about the baby today. I'm freaking out," he apologized. "I didn't mean anything. I swear. I was just wondering if you had heard anything from her or Ashley."

"Just learn how to knock or better yet, call out my name and wait for an answer before you stick your head in our room," I reprimanded.

He scratched the back of his neck and paced around for a second, "Okay. Sorry."

I sighed and asked, "Why didn't you go with Kyla?"

"We figured it would be better if she told him alone. Raife isn't exactly a fan of mine. Apparently, I piss a lot of people off," he observed.

At least he was right about something.

"She should have been home by now. We had an appointment to go look at a place at two and it's almost two now. I tried calling, but she hasn't picked up. I'm really worried," he admitted.

I was still not pleased about the whole situation and I was certainly not going to be the president of his fan club anytime soon, but he was starting to be less obnoxious by the minute. Not to mention, it was evident over the past few months of living in close proximity that there was nothing going on with him and Ashley. He was really in love with Kyla and genuinely concerned for her well being now.

"I'm sure everything is fine," I tried to soothe him. "She had a lot to talk to Raife about. It's probably been an emotional day and she just lost track of time."

If someone would have told me two months ago that I'd be offering Aiden a kind word, I would have punched them in their stupid liar mouth.

Just then, my phone started to vibrate. Expecting it to be Ashley for our normal lunch break conversation, I picked up to see if she had talked to Kyla.

"Hey baby." I greeted and Aiden's face lit up with excitement.

"Ask her. Ask her," he encouraged in the background.

"Hey, Spence," she said with a shaky voice.

My stomach lurched already and she'd only said two words to me.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I just got a call from my dad. Kyla and him were on their way back from lunch and there was an accident. She's at the hospital, now. I don't know what's going on. Clay is taking me there now," she explained with a sniff.

"Okay. Everything's going to be fine, Ash," I repeated my mantra of the day. I wasn't sure if I was trying to convince her or myself. "Aiden and I will meet you there."

Aiden looked panic struck as I hung up the phone. "Kyla's been in an accident. She's at the hospital," I said as calmly as I could, trying to find my car keys in my purse.

"Come with me. We'll take the motorcycle," Aiden directed.

"No way. I'm not getting on that thing," I said.

"I'm not getting into another argument with you now Spencer! The bike is going to get us through the traffic a lot faster. Come on, we need to go!" he commanded with an intensity I had never seen in him before.

It wasn't scary, but I wasn't about to put up a fight after that. He was right about the bike getting us to the hospital there faster though. Aiden dropped me off and went to park his motorcycle. I made my way through the ER and saw Ashley sitting on those uncomfortable waiting room chairs with her head in her hands and Raife standing above her with a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Ash," I called out and she stood.

"How's she doing?" I asked to either Ashley or Raife to give me an update.

"She's in surgery now. There was some internal bleeding, but the doctor's should be out to give us an update soon," Raife informed me.

I engulfed Ashley in a hug and felt her body shake with every sob into me. I was at a complete and total loss and felt the tears welling, too. The adrenaline rush of getting to the hospital had made me a little emotionally charged.

I kissed her forehead and pulled her back into me. "She's going to be ok. Kyla's a fighter," I murmured softly into the top of her head.

I glanced over to Raife and he reached out to place a hand on my shoulder. I gave him a halfhearted smile and realized he was pretty banged up too. There was a gigantic cut above his eye and his bleach blonde locks were matted with blood.

"You should get that checked out," I remarked, feeling a hell of a lot like a mother. "It looks like you might need some stitches."

I can't believe I just tried to boss around bad ass rocker Raife Davies. I must still be high on my adrenaline.

He gave a nervous chuckle and asked, "Is she always this bossy Ashley?"

Ashley jerked back slightly from my arms and gave a feeble nod. "All the time," she hoarsely opined.

What the hell? I'm here trying to support my girlfriend and everyone is picking on me. Just then, Aiden's muscular form headed towards us in the hallway.

"You," Raife bellowed at the sight of Aiden.

I guess I know now, why there was no need for Raife to get stitched up. He looked like he was ready to have a full on brawl with Aiden in the hospital waiting room. I loosened my grip on Ashley and set her into the chair. I saw the fear in Aiden's eyes and knew he wasn't going to fight. Like a crazy person, I stepped in between Aiden and Ashley's father. I hoped Raife was able to keep his anger in check enough not to barrel through me to get to Aiden.

"You're the little scumbag who got my daughter knocked up. If it hadn't have been for you, this wouldn't be happening right now. I thought I'd seen the last of you when Ashley was smart enough to dump your pathetic ass," he seethed.

I stood directly in front of Aiden, extending my arms out to the side of me. I don't know what part of the 5' 4" 110 lb soaking wet version of me thought this was a good idea or why in God's name I was protecting Aiden of all people, but here I was. It was like when those moms lift a school bus off of their kid pinned underneath.

People in the hospital were shuffling to get into position to hold back Raife. He was only a few feet away when thankfully two men stepped forward and caught a hold of his arms before I became a Spencer sandwich.

"Stop it, just stop it!" Ashley yelled glaring at her father who was swinging to break free.

More people in the waiting room turned their attention at Ashley's plea. I stood frozen still with my arms outstretched, but realized that Ashley's words were enough. Raife finally stopped struggling to free himself from the hands of the men trying to restrain him.

A blur of blue scrubs with a shock of blonde hair came charging in my direction and I muttered, "Fuck me," under my breath.

"Spencer, what is going on?" a very pissed off Paula Carlin demanded as she approached.

"Uh, nothing mom. Ashley's sister was in an accident and is in surgery now. Everything's under control," I lied.

"It doesn't look like everything's under control," my mom said.

No shit, I thought. My moms blue eyes darted from Ashley to Aiden to Raife and then back at me. Her gaze still managed to bore through me and it made me want to squirm at it's intensity. I held my ground and she took one look at Raife, who was now unrestrained, but still under the watchful eye of the two men from earlier.

"You're coming with me," she demanded shooting a glance at Raife. "That wound definitely needs stitches."

"I'm fine," he said trying to brush her off.

"Mom, just let it go," I begged.

If Ashley had inherited her stubbornness from Raife like she had her temper, there was no way Paula was going to win this battle.

"I'm Raife Davies. Ashley's father," he offered his hand to introduce himself and my mom just left it hanging in mid air.

"Paula Carlin. Spencer's mother. I'm also a doctor and I think it would be best to come with me. It will only take a few minutes to get that fixed." my mom returned firmly, inspecting his gash.

"Stitches go against everything I believe in. I'll just put some Neosporin on it when I get home."

"I don't care if your Jesus Christ and you can heal yourself. You're not standing around my hospital bleeding all over the place, trying to incite riots. Now follow me," my mom ordered.

Dragging a very defeated and very embarrassed Raife with her, my mom walked off down the hall and into an examination room.

"Shit. I thought my dad was tough. Paula makes him look like a kitten wearing a bowtie," Ashley joked feebly.

Paula and Raife returned fifteen minutes later. My mom was able to find another doctor to cover her shift so she could wait with us. I pulled her aside and took the time to fill her in on everything that was going on in our crazy lives. After my explanation, she quietly rubbed her eyelids.

I was preparing for a lecture when she questioned, "Are you sure you're ready for all of this, Spence?"

"I don't know. It is a little intense right now. But soon it's going to be just me and Ash. Things will be normal again," I said, not sure if I believed myself.

"Okay. And Spence, I know we've had our differences, but I want you to know that I'm always here if you need me," she said and placed a kiss on my forehead.

Ashley was pacing nervously and I saw my mom giving her the once over. She stood from the chair and walked over to Ashley. There was a silent stare between them for a second. Ashley was a little teary eyed still and if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed it. There was my mom, Paula the Balla Carlin, wrapping Ashley into a comforting hug.

A doctor came out from the surgical wing with the mask lowered around his neck. "Mr. Davies?" he questioned towards Raife.

"Yes," Raife said.

Aiden was a good twenty feet away, but came jogging closer to hear the news. All of us gathered around in suspense, while we waited for the doctor to tell us how the surgery went.

"We finished the surgery and were able to stop all the internal bleeding. She's going to be a little groggy, but we're going to move her to a post op room and she'll be able to have visitors at that time, but just for a few minutes. She'll need to get her rest," he reported.

"What about the baby?" Aiden asked, hopeful.

"The baby is doing fine. There was a strong heartbeat during the course of the surgery and both are expected to make a full recovery," he said.

"Thank you, doctor," Aiden returned with a dopey smile on his face.

After Kyla was relocated, we all made our way to her room. Aiden milled around the hallway while myself and my mother waited outside of Kyla's room while Ashley and Raife went in to see her first. My mom tugged at the chart that was on Kyla's door and began to read through it briefly.

She had a furrowed brow as she pulled away from the chart. "Strange," she commented.

"What? Is everything going to be okay?" I asked, trying to be nosey and look at the chart even thought I had no idea what was on there.

"Oh, yes, sweetie. It's not that. I just thought Ashley's last name was Davies," my mom said absently.

"It is," I confirmed.

"Well it says on Kyla's chart that her last name is Dennison," Paula informed me, slapping the chart shut and placing it gently into the holder.

"Say what now?" I asked, shooting Aiden a look that I thought clearly said what the fuck did you two do?


	50. Chapter 50: Changes

A/N: I assure you I do listen to your feedback, but unfortunately I: a.) cannot make everyone happy and b.) have to develop a plot which means that instant gratification is not always a possibility. Trust me, I get that Aiden is annoying, but this story would completely suck (if you don't already think it does) if there was no drama. And his involvement does serve a purpose! It makes what is about to happen over the next few chapters that much more, for lack of a better word, dramatic. Thanks to all of you who are so kind with your encouragement as this ride is hitting the speed bumps!

Since Sean left for New York, I found myself having a hard time concentrating on anything and work had become tedious. Editing is not as glamorous as it used to be. I was ready for a change, but it was impossible to convince anyone here at the studio to let me unleash my creativity. Not to mention, my mind was full with the events of this weekend.

Distracting me from my task at hand, was an email from my boss. He wanted to meet with me at four today. I accepted his meeting request and spent the rest of the afternoon wondering what he wanted to talk to me about.

Maybe I was going to get fired. No, even though I haven't exactly been on my A game recently, I was still doing better than some of the others here. It seemed like forever, but finally it was a few minutes until four, so I grabbed a notepad and make the trek to his office.

I gave a knock on his door and heard him tell me to come inside.

"Spencer," he greeted as I took a seat on the opposite side of his desk.

"Hey Doug," I said.

He gave me a soft smile and scratched absently at his salt and pepper crew cut as he clicked his mouse keeping his attention on the computer screen in front of him. Still not making eye contact with me, he announced, "I received a rather interesting email from a director of a documentary with one of the smaller labels we are affiliated with."

"Oh," I said absently while I waited for him to get to the point.

"He's making a documentary about the independent music scene. One of the production assistants knew of you at UCLA and mentioned you to the producer. It seems like you made quite an impression on your former classmates. Anyway, they had a last minute change in staffing and are in need of an assistant videographer. It seems that this particular director has a bit of a reputation for being difficult to work with," he explained, stopping to look me in the eyes.

"Sounds like a dream job," I answered sarcastically.

I nervously bit my lower lip after realizing I just acted like a total ass in front of my boss. Luckily, he let out a chuckle and continued, "It might not be a dream, but you'd be crazy not to take this opportunity. If anyone can handle this director, it's you, Spencer. You just might want to keep thoughts like that to yourself," Doug finished.

Shaking my head as I tried to process this information, I mused, "I'm going to need some time to think it over. When do you need an answer?"

Doug looked at his wrist, which was devoid of a watch and replied, "As soon as possible. Filming starts Monday."

"Oh, okay. And how long will the project last?" I inquired.

"Probably about three months, maybe longer," he said.

I nodded and went to sit up from my chair. "Thanks Doug," I said. "I'll let you know as soon as possible."

I went to leave the office and Doug returned his attention to his computer screen, but before I left he called after me.

"Spencer?"

"Yes?" I said, popping my head back into his office.

"I forgot to mention. The documentary is being filmed in Seattle."

Not knowing what else to do I gave him a quick smile. Seattle? Seriously?

"You'll get stipend for living expenses while filming there in addition to your salary. You'll be getting an extra $1,000 per week for your expenses," he added.

Decisions needed to be made and I was as confused as ever. I sent Ashley a text that I had some big news to tell her and we made arrangements for me to meet at her place as soon as she got back from the hospital.

After I finished up for the day, I went back to my apartment first and got ready as I figured out what to do. This was my dream, even if the director sounded like a total dick. It was only three months and I'd be back in L.A. with an invaluable amount of experience under my belt.

I was so nervous about telling Ashley the news, but part of me was glad that when I returned from Seattle, everything would be normal again. Kyla and Aiden would be in their new place, assuming they ever got one and Ashley and I would get all kinds of quality naked alone time together.

I arrived at Ashley's a few minutes early and let myself in with the key Ashley had given me. Aiden was sitting at the kitchen table.

"Hey," I said after letting myself in.

"Hey Spencer. You got a second?" he asked.

"Yeah. How's Kyla doing?" I asked.

Her gave me a soft smile and replied, "She's good. She should be coming home tomorrow."

I took a seat across from him and he tried his hardest to avoid my gaze.

"So are you going to tell me or are you going to make me ask?" I uttered.

"You know Kyla and I got married," he said hesitantly.

"Yes," I confirmed. "Why the big secret?"

Aiden sank his head into his hands and revealed, "I'm not a U.S. citizen. I wanted to make sure I'd be around to see my child grow up and Kyla and I decided there was no point in waiting. As for not telling anyone, I'm waiting to sell my motorcycle so I could get Kyla a proper ring so we could have a real wedding. And I knew it would take Raife a while to get used to the idea. In retrospect, those aren't great reasons, but we expected that we'd have our "real" wedding before anyone just found out. I'm sorry you are caught in the middle of it."

"When are either of you planning on telling Ashley?" I asked.

"Well, Kyla is telling her now, so I don't know what kind of a mood she's going to be in when she gets home," Aiden commented.

I sighed, knowing what I wanted to tell her was probably the last thing Ashley would want to hear today. Ashley walked through the door a few minutes later and wrapped me into a huge hug.

"You smell like hospital," I joked.

"You smell like Spencer," she returned with a half smile and grabbed my hand and led me into the bedroom.

She immediately stripped off her jeans and shirt and deposited them in the hamper. I followed suit and before she could put her pajamas on, wrapped her into my arms. There was something about the feeling of her skin on mine that I craved then. I kissed her shoulder and mumbled, "Let's go to bed."

It wasn't sexual, it was intimate and I needed to feel connected to Ashley in the most intimate way possible tonight.

"They got married," Ashley murmured as I turned to face her in bed.

"I know," I said and Ashley gave me a confused stare. "I had my suspicions after my mom mentioned that Kyla was checked in to the hospital under the last name Dennison. Aiden told me tonight," I elaborated, hoping she wouldn't be upset I didn't mention it sooner.

"It's all very strange. I want to be happy for them, but it just seems so sudden," she remarked. "Everything is changing so fast."

She could say that again. Why does life's timing suck so bad?

"Speaking of changes," I started, but lost my courage.

"Oh my God. I'm so sorry," she said placing a gentle kiss on my lips before she continued "What is your big news, Spence?

"Today, I was offered a position to be an assistant videographer on a documentary," I announced with a shaky voice.

"What? That's great! I couldn't be more excited for you! My sexy and talented girlfriend is going to take Hollywood by storm," she beamed as she drew me into her arms and peppered me with kisses.

She pulled away and looked at me with a furrowed brow. "Why aren't you more excited about this?"

I closed my eyes because I couldn't bear the sight of her reaction as I confessed, "It's in Seattle."

"Seattle?" she questioned softly.

I opened my eyes at the sound of her voice and saw my favorite set of chocolate brown eyes trying to register if she heard me right.

"Yes. It's only temporary. Three months or so," I explained.

"So. What did you say?" she questioned.

"I said I'd have to think about it. I wanted to have to know what you thought before I agreed or turned down anything," I told her.

Ashley pushed away a hair that fell in front of my eyes and stated, "Take it, Spence. I am so deeply in love with you and a thousand miles between us isn't going to change that. I can wait for you for three months. That's what Skype and airplanes and cell phones are for."

"Really?" I checked.

"Yes, crazy. You just better promise me that you'll come back to me," Ashley said, pulling me into her body again.

"Always. I'll always come back to you, Ash," I promised.


	51. Chapter 51: Living Arrangements

A/N: So, I'm bringing in a random guest from the show because I'm too lazy to create a new character from scratch and she's not super important anyways. For those of you that might think that this chapter is uncharacteristic for Ashley, I guess I just want to prove that she is growing (think about when she just let Jonica cock block and shamelessly flirt with Spencer all day long in the third season).

Leaving Ashley Sunday afternoon was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. After I checked into my hotel, I called Ashley to let her know that I had landed safely.

"God, is it totally pathetic that I miss you already?" I asked.

I heard the sound of her laugher and wished I could have been there to see it.

"Yes. But I miss you too, Sepnce," she admitted. "So, I guess we are equally pathetic."

"And you will be visiting in a few weeks," I reminded her.

"Yes, I will. I can't wait to explore Seattle with you. My dad lived there for a while when I was a kid and I remember going to visit and always having a blast, but I haven't been there in years," Ashley said.

Reluctantly, I let her go after another fifteen minutes since I had a very important day tomorrow and needed to get some sleep. The last thing I remember her saying was I love you and that's the song that was on repeat in my head as I fell asleep.

My hotel was within walking distance to where the pre-production meetings were being held, so the first week there was easy for me, but I knew that I needed to find someplace other than my hotel to spend the rest of my time in Seattle.

The rest of the crew was nice, but I was still adjusting to life here and spent my evenings looking for a place to live during my time here. I quickly learned that it was harder than I thought it would be to find a decent place to rent that was fully furnished for just three months. Saturday, I dedicated most of my day to searching and seeing potential places, but by the time afternoon rolled around, I needed a break.

I found a great little sandwich shop nearby and decided to grab some lunch. I placed my order and gave the cashier my name while I waited for my sandwich to be made. I heard someone calling my name, so I got up from my seat, expecting to see one of the employees with my meal, but instead saw the ghost of my past continue to haunt me.

As Zoe was walking in my direction she had a wide grin on her face and I couldn't hide my surprise at seeing her here. Of all the sandwich shops in Seattle, how was it possible that she was here?

She gave me a quick hug and asked, "What are you doing here?"

"My co-workers raved about this place so I'm here getting a sandwich," I mumbled in shock, giving her what was sure to be the incorrect answer to the question she asked. "What are you doing here?"

"I live in Seattle now. I moved here from New York a few months ago when my company relocated. Why are you in Seattle?" she questioned more thoroughly.

While we spoke, I noticed a girl pick up an order and stop beside Zoe. The same girl flashed me an uneasy smile and cleared her throat softly to acknowledge her arrival.

"I just started a new job last week, working on a documentary, so I'll be here for the next few months," I explained.

The girl kept her watchful hazel eyes on me during the course of my explanation.

"Wow, that's great, Spence," Zoe said. She returned her glance towards her guest and introduced, "Spencer, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Kelly. Kelly, this is my friend from college, Spencer."

I tucked my apartment guides under my arm and shook Kelly's hand and gave her a polite, "Nice to meet you," which she returned.

She wasn't exactly who I expected Zoe to end up with. There was an exotic quality about her that was diminished by her slightly over processed wavy hair and heavy makeup.

"Come have lunch with us," Zoe offered. "We can catch up."

I stared into Zoe's almost grey eyes that were waiting for my response. Part of me was relieved to actually know someone here, so I took her up on her offer with a quick, "Sure."

My sandwich was ready and I returned to the table where Kelly and Zoe were already seated. I set down my apartment hunting guide on the table and began to remove my Turkey wrap from it's box, when I caught Zoe looking at my stack of apartment leads.

"So your looking for a place to live here?" she asked, nodding to the pile on the table.

I began to spread the mustard on the top of my sandwich and explained, "Yeah. It's been a big pain in the ass so far, though. I'm only going to be here for a few months and need to find a furnished place. The places I've found so far aren't exactly what I'm hoping for, but I don't want to spend the next three months in a hotel either."

"Then you'll stay with me," Zoe proposed as if it was the most obvious solution.

I stopped spreading my plastic knife across the surface of the bread and glanced back at her. Then I looked over at Kelly who seemed equally as surprised as me at Zoe's suggestion. I set my knife down on an abandoned napkin and replied, "No way. I couldn't impose on you like that."

Kelly at least seemed to be relieved by my dismissal of Zoe's suggestion, but Zoe wasn't so easily convinced. She poked at her salad and continued, "It's not an imposition at all. There are a lot of cool younger people in my building so it will be a great way to meet some people here. Plus, it will be just like college again. We made really great roommates."

"Yeah, and we all know how well that ended," I retorted after taking a bite of my wrap.

Kelly's eyebrows shot up a little at my remark while she sipped from her straw and she finally spoke. "Zoe, leave the poor girl alone," Kelly begged.

I knew Zoe well enough to know that she was mildly annoyed by being told what to do and she continued, "Come on Spence. You said yourself, it's only for a few months. I have a spare bedroom with a bed and a dresser. It's small, but you'll save yourself a ton of aggravation and outrageous rent money. Just promise me you'll think about it."

"Fine. I will think about it," I said finally wanting to silence her. Kelly didn't seem pleased with my half-concession, but I still hadn't said yes.

"Yay!" Zoe shrieked goofily.

After lunch, we exchanged phone numbers much to the chagrin of Kelly. I had a feeling she knew about the history between Zoe and me. I couldn't help but wonder what Zoe's version of what happened between us entailed. I ended up back at my hotel room and was now checking on Craigslist for places to live, when I was interrupted by a call from Ash.

"Hey, love," I answered her call.

"Hey to you, sexy pants," she replied.

She couldn't have been more wrong about the sexy pants thing, because I was lounging in a pair of yoga pants and an old graphic t-shirt before I hit the gym downstairs. I needed to get this stress out of my system through some cardio.

"Ugh. I don't feel very sexy. I'm actually going to work out in a minute," I explained.

"Mmm. I'd rather work you out myself, Spence," she cooed into the phone with a sultry voice.

Strangely, after hearing that idea, the last thing I wanted to do was work out. I was loving the fact that even the sound of her voice was making me insanely turned on. "Oh yeah? And how do you plan on doing that?"

With her words, I imagined her doing things to me that the elliptical machine was definitely not able to accomplish. I didn't want to ruin our post phone sex bliss, but I had to be honest with Ashley about seeing Zoe again.

"Ash?" I questioned.

"What's up Spence? Is everything ok?" she shot back at me with concern in her voice.

"You wouldn't believe who I ran into today," I started.

"Kim Kardashian?" Ashley teased.

Ashley was obsessed with Kim Kardashian and her gigantically awesome ass. I swear if she ever saw KK roaming around LA, Ashley would be taking pictures of her butt with her cell phone like some kind of ass paparazzi.

I laughed and continued, "No. None of the Kardashians, actually. I saw Zoe today. She lives in Seattle now and I met her girlfriend, Kelly."

Silence filled the line and I thought I heard crickets chirping and tumbleweed rolling, but soon I heard Ashley's familiar voice speak up, "Like Zoe from college Zoe?"

"That would be the one," I confirmed. "I ran into her and Kelly," I said emphasizing Zoe's girlfriends name, "while I was on a lunch break from my apartment hunting."

"Oh. How's the apartment hunting going?" Ashley asked.

"Badly," I admitted. "Until Zoe offered her place," I added quickly.

"Yeah. Kyla and Aiden hit a little snag in their search too," Ashley said, not picking up on my recap of today's events. "They told dad about getting married and Kyla is officially cut off from the trust money. He said he wants to be a part of his grandchild's life, but if Kyla is going to have her own family, she would have to take care of it on her own."

"Wow," I said. "What are they going to do?"

I pictured the Raife from Kyla's birthday and didn't think it was possible that it was the same person, but I didn't know him all that well. Then I thought about the Raife angrily trying to beat down Aiden at the hospital and thought that it was possiblity. Regardless, I was surprised that he would let his grandchild live a life without privilege.

"Both of them have been looking for jobs and Aiden found something part time that works around the band practice. At least he's not around that much anymore. I know Kyla has some money saved. It would be impossible for her not to. But she's looking for something maybe temporary for the holidays. It's still a shock for both of them," Ashley explained.

"I see," I said, still stunned by the whole mess and the fact that Ashley still had yet to comment on the whole Zoe asking me to move in.

"Wait, did you say Zoe asked you to live with her?" Ashley backtracked. There it was, finally!

"Um, yeah. I didn't agree to it," I responded. I wanted Ashley to know there was nothing diabolical going on here.

"Why not? I know you don't have feelings for her and I trust you. I don't trust her, but maybe this Kelly chick is the real deal," Ashley said.

"Seriously, Ash? Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend? You think I should take Zoe up on her offer?" I asked.

Ashley paused as she thought it through, "Yes. It's only going to be for another 84 days, but if she so much as lays a finger on you, I'll be on a plane to kick her ass faster than you can say home wrecker."

I laughed and then had to ask, "You're counting down the days?"

"Hell yeah I am. I'd be counting the minutes, but I suck at math and that large of a number would probably depress me," Ashley confirmed.

"Me too," I admitted. "Are you sure about this?"

"I guess. I don't want you to have any regrets about this, Spence. I just hope that you don't like Seattle too much and forget to come back to LA," Ashley said.

"Ash, do you remember what I said to you that day at the pier?" I asked.

"You said a lot of pretty amazing things that day. So you'll have to refresh my memory as to which specific thing it was that you mean?"

"I don't think an umbrella should be an accessory," I reminded her. "Seattle could be the best place on the face of the planet, and even I have to admit it is pretty sweet so far, but I don't know if it's my forever place."

After my talk with Ashley, I called Zoe to ask her when she wanted her new roommate to move in. We agreed that since I only had a suitcase, I could swing by tomorrow afternoon and get settled.


	52. Chapter 52: Visitors

A/N: I'm very curious to see what everyone's reaction will be to this chapter because it's going to be intense. This is what I was planning on doing from the start and apologies to all of you who have waited so long while I wrote up to this point. My goal is to post every day until the story is complete!

Christmas finally arrived and I couldn't wait to enjoy my week and a half off from shooting the documentary. Not only did I have a whole ten days to spend with Ashley, Christmas also marked the unofficial half way point of the documentary.

Living with Zoe was surprisingly easier than I had expected it to be. Kelly and Zoe seemed to like each other a lot and while Kelly came over once and a while to visit, most of the time, Kelly had to travel for her job in promotions, so it was me and Zoe hanging out like in college. It was nice to rebuild our friendship. I forgot how much I had missed her. But not nearly as much as I missed Ashley, I thought as I waited to board my plane.

I arrived at LAX on the 23rd to Ashley holding one of those signs like you see in movies with my name on it. I thought I was going to trip over my carryon bag in my sprint to reach her. I didn't trip, but I did fling my suitcase aside so I could wrap her into a hug that I only wanted to end because we were in a public place and I wanted to touch her more in not-so-public ways.

Christmas came and went without any major dramatic flare ups. Ashley and I spent most of the day at my parents house and part of the day at Ashley's dads. Paula had even gone so far as to make sure Ashley had a stocking and a few other presents, which made my heart swell. Raife was slowly getting used to the idea of Kyla and Aiden, especially since Aiden had been working like crazy to get everything ready for the baby. Good news abounded as Kyla and Aiden made an announcement that they had purchased a place nearby and would be moving out in February.

The day after Christmas, Ashley and I were bumming around at the loft while Kyla was in bed. Something about being pregnant made her want to fall asleep by eight p.m. Meanwhile, Aiden was at band practice tonight, so Ashley and I were enjoying some long overdue privacy before Aiden came back. He had decided on taking his motorcycle since it was freakishly hot and the temperature outside was still in the sixties. Plus, he was going to hand it over to it's soon to be new owner later this week.

"This was hands down the best Christmas I've ever had," I told Ashley as we were cuddled under a blanket together drinking hot chocolate.

It was completely unnecessary since the weather was so nice, but I still wanted to have that whole white Christmas feeling, even if it had to be faked.

"Oh really? Is it because I hung that mistletoe over the doorway in our bedroom?" Ashley asked.

"That may have had something to do with it," I agreed. "I even had a Christmas where I had a Teddy Ruxpin waiting for me seated on a Barbie Power Wheels, but being able to spend Christmas with you this year put it to shame."

"So you're saying that I am better than talking teddy bears and electric cars were in 1992," Ashley clarified.

"Most definitely," I admitted.

"I feel the exact same way about you. And you know what?" Ashley continued.

"What?" I asked as I kissed her softly on the lips.

"I promise this is only the first Christmas of many for us, Spence. I can't even imagine how much better they are going to get with each passing year," Ashley replied and flashed me her nose crinkling smile.

My phone buzzed on the coffee table and Ashley picked it up and read the waiting text message. I loved that we were at a place where she just went ahead and looked at my phone. I knew I had nothing to hide from her, so I listened intently as Ashley informed me, "It's Zoe. She wants to know if you got engaged. Is there something I should know about, Spence?"

Ashley just looked at me with a devious smile. While I had mentioned to Zoe that there was a slight possibility of me coming back from vacation engaged, I figured she wouldn't have been dumb enough to have texted me that message.

"Let me see that," I said taking the phone from her grasp, but not after a playful struggle.

I looked at the display and there was no mention of engagement. All it said was : Do you remember if I left my keys on the counter?

I shot Zoe back a quick text to inform her that I had no clue, but I didn't remember seeing them when I left two days ago. Zoe had left for LA a few days before me and was returning to Seattle tomorrow. I returned my attention to Ashley, who was a little red in the face due to the fact that I had totally busted her.

"What were you talking about, Ash? There was nothing in that text about getting engaged," I told her.

Clearly, she had read the text and realized that herself. But why had she brought up engagement? I was suddenly feeling my body temperature rise to a million degrees under the heat of the blanket and the possibility that maybe she was about to ask me. I shed the blanket while I waited for her response.

"I know," she said with a smirk. "I just wanted to see your reaction to that topic. I am so ready to spend the rest of my life with you, Spence. Every day that you are not here, just makes me want to spend that much more time with you. When you get back from Seattle, I want you to consider moving in with me when Ky and Aiden move out. I have every intention of asking you to marry me someday, but I want to wait until you come back."

I smiled my gigantic elated smile at her since her words had made me happier than I was even a few minutes ago.

"By someday, I hope you really mean someday soon," I returned. "And I am definitely not going to be sending Zoe a text about it."

"How is life with Zoe?" Ashley asked. "You haven't been seduced by her yet?"

I gave her a coy smile, knowing that she was a little jealous and it was sexy as hell. "No. She's hot, but she's not my type, so I keep turning down her advances," I joked.

Ashley looked at me with her **are you serious? **face. "Spence, we were just talking about getting married and now I'd really be happy if you could stop mentioning how hot Zoe is."

I tried to contain the smile at my merciless teasing of Ashley, but she had been asking for it by bringing up the subject. My grin, which seemed to generate a little more fire in the way she stared at me, couldn't be moved as I explained, "Zoe was a really good friend to me at one point in time and we're working on rebuilding that friendship, but I never felt for her how I feel for you Ash. Not for one second. When it comes to marriage or love or who I want to be with, you're the only one for me. I can see our future together and I can't wait to get back here so we can work on it together."

"Really?" Ashley checked.

"Yes. And for the record, Zoe has nothing on you when it comes to hotness, too," I added.

Ashley tossed her hair and gave me a cheeky smile to cover up the fact that she had been insecure a few moments ago. "I know," she assured me confidently with a wink.

There was the ego-maniac I knew and loved that had been hiding on me for the past two minutes.

"Ashley," I purred into her ear before covering her neck with my lips and pulling her body flush with mine.

"Yeah," she barely whispered back to me.

"I love the way you talk to me about marriage," I started as I captured her lips with mine. "And I love the way your eyes sparkle when you get a little jealous," I started between kisses as I moved slowly down to her collar bone.

Ashley sighed and tried to slip from my grasp, while protesting, "I was so not jealous!"

I reeled her back towards me and continued my assault on her neckline. She leaned back into me, giving up her fight too easily under my kiss and I have to say, I was thoroughly enjoying it.

"And I love the way you secretly know that I think you getting jealous is so hot," I added as I unbuttoned her shirt so I could continue to spread my kisses across her chest. "I love it all more than I loved my Teddy Ruxpin!"

This time, she didn't object to my assessment and instead, granted me more access to her body as I crawled on top of her, pinning her underneath me. My hands were traveling all over her torso, working on freeing her from the unnecessary amount of clothes she was wearing right now. I plunged my tongue into the warm cavern of her mouth and was greeted by hers expectantly ready to battle.

Interrupting us from our make out session, was the doorbell. In frustration, Ashley and I looked at each other, wondering who it could be at this hour. Ashley worked on re-buttoning her shirt, effectively negating all of my handiwork from minutes ago. Meanwhile, the doorbell rang a second time as we made our way to the door. Kyla emerged from her room a few steps behind us.

Ashley opened the door to two uniformed police officers with stoic expressions. One was an older officer, with salt and pepper hair and the other one, looked to be fresh out of the academy.

"Is this the residence of Kyla Dennison?" one of the officers questioned.

Ashley nodded and Kyla stepped forward, clearing the lump in her throat before responding, "I'm Kyla Dennison."

"Mrs. Dennison, I'm Lieutenant Smith and this is my partner, Officer Anderson. Do mind if we come inside? We'd like to speak to you privately for a moment."

I shot Ashley a look, wondering what this could possibly be about, but knowing that it couldn't be good.

"Come in," Kyla said, her voice shaky. "But, whatever you would like to say, please feel free to say it in front of them," Kyla continued, referring to Ashley and me.

I don't know if it was because she was standing next to two police officers in her pajamas, but she looked like a frightened child. I didn't blame her, the police didn't want to speak to me and I was still scared. We had a seat at the dining room table and the older man, Lieutenant Smith started.

"Mrs. Dennison, we're here to inform you that there has been a motorcycle accident involving your husband, Aiden Dennison. We believe Mr. Dennison lost control while operating his motorcycle. He was taken to the hospital, but he was pronounced dead upon arrival," Lt. Smith advised.

A chill tore through my body as I tried desperately to understand his words. I knew what he just said, but it didn't seem real at all.

"No," Kyla breathed gently, before she started to sob.

"I'm so sorry for your loss, ma'am," the Lieutenant offered his condolences.

Ashley gently coaxed Kyla into her embrace while I continued to sit there dumbfounded at the chaos that had just been unleashed into our world in the past ten seconds. Tears stung my eyes as I watched Kyla's world get torn apart.

Although I still hadn't come to accept Aiden as the best decision Kyla had ever made, I knew she didn't deserve this. I looked at the younger officer who looked like he was going to be physically ill at the sight of us and he gave me a sympathetic smile. It was a memory that no matter how hard I try, I will never forget.

The next few days were a blur. Somehow, we managed to get everything together for the wake and funeral. There was a lot of silence that filled the house while we all worked on dealing with the situation. Finally after the night of the funeral, Kyla came out into the living room, where Ashley and I were sitting.

Ashley stood and gathered Kyla into her arms while Kyla wiped her tears on the inside of Aiden's t-shirt that she was wearing.

"Everything is so fucked up right now. Aiden and I were still trying to get used to the idea of being newlyweds and being parents together," Kyla cried. "Now, I have to do all of this alone. I don't know if I can do this all by myself."

Ashley wrapped Kyla tighter and vowed, "You're not going to be doing any of this alone, Ky. I'm here for you."

I wasn't sure if it was my place, but I felt like they were my family and I wanted them to know my thoughts on the subject. I stood from the couch and placed my hand on Kyla's shoulder.

"Me too," I added softly, causing Kyla's head to pop from Ashley's shoulder.

"Really?" she asked hopefully between sniffs.

"Yeah, we'll be like the female version of Three Men and a Baby," I responded with a smile.

Saying something totally stupid was the only way I wasn't going to cry in that moment. I already felt my sympathetic tears welling in my eyes as Kyla pulled away from Ashley and gave a weak smile back at me. Before I knew it, she had me grasped into a bone crushing hug and tears were falling from my eyes too.

Kyla whispered, "Can I be Tom Selleck?"

"Sure," I said with a chuckle.

"You definitely already have the same mustache as him," Ashley teased, drawing a punch from Kyla.

I took the opportunity of Kyla's arm loosening from me to inhale again before she returned her full embrace over me.

"Spence?" Kyla paused as my nickname rolled of her tongue.

"Yeah, Ky?" I responded still pressed tightly against her at the mercy of her grasp.

"I'm so glad my sister found you," she said.

"I'm glad she found me, too" I agreed.

After she calmed down, Kyla retreated back into her room, leaving me with Ashley. For the first time since Aiden died, Ashley and I had the inevitable talk about the baby. Ashley was surprisingly optimistic about the prospect of helping to raise the baby with Kyla. I just kept my mouth shut as she contemplated her and Kyla's need for a bigger place to accommodate the new arrival.

It seemed surreal that only a few days ago, Ashley and I were sitting on this very couch making plans about moving in together and getting married. Everything that we had been talking about seemed like it was no longer the same as how I imagined it just days before.

My emotional outburst to agree to help raise the baby was starting to sink in and I realized with just a few words I had made a life changing commitment.

What had I just done? I wasn't ready to help raise a child. Most days I still felt like a kid myself. I looked at Ashley who had an enormous smile on her face as she talked about the impending future and all I could think was that I was suffocating under every detail she talked about. My life was just starting and I was still figuring out how Ashley and I were going to spend the rest of our lives together, not Ashley, Kyla the baby and me. Even Ashley's smile which was clearly directed at me, couldn't stop me from the sinking feeling that was now taking up all the space in my stomach.

Somehow in death, Aiden was still stirring up the drama. Part of me hated him for leaving us to clean up this whole mess. A bigger part of me hated myself more for feeling that way. Another part of me was slightly relieved that I would have some time to digest my new life since I didn't have to return to California until Kyla's baby shower next month.


	53. Chapter 53: 100Percent Chance of Showers

A/N: I felt like Spencer was a little too perfect on the show and Ashley was always the fuck up. So, here is Spencer making a few mistakes. But you know the cool part of making mistakes? There's the possibility for forgiveness from the ones who love you unconditionally, which just goes to show exactly how strong that love is. If you don't like uncertainty, I would highly recommend waiting 3 chaps before reading. By that post, it will be better.

I was out shopping for Kyla's shower, slightly frightened by the fact that she only had about six more weeks before the baby would be born. Kyla had decided to keep with her original plan not to find out the sex of the baby, so there was a lot of items on the registry that were a little boring to say the least.

I mulled around Pottery Barn Kids and finally settled on purchasing the bedding she had listed on the registry. I returned to the apartment, lugging my bags inside and into a full blown fight between Kelly and Zoe.

"Kelly, I'm not asking you again. You need to leave, now," Zoe demanded in anger.

I removed my key from the lock and tried to make it into my room as fast as I could, but they continued their argument, completely ignorant of my presence.

"Zoe, please hear me out. I'm so sorry and it will never happen again. I love you," Kelly pleaded.

I shut my bedroom door behind me, but still heard the last of the dispute as Zoe yelled, "You love me? How can you possibly tell me you love me after I find out that you cheated on me with some girl while you were in Dallas?"

I heard the door slam a few minutes later and decided to head out to the living room where Zoe was sitting on the couch, holding a glass of wine, lost in thought.

"You ok?" I tentatively asked.

Zoe wasn't crying, but she had just been rightfully very upset a moment ago. I didn't know if she was ready for some friendly concern. She looked up at me with a smile and nodded.

"Yeah, I'm actually kind of relieved it's over. I always knew deep down that she wasn't being faithful," Zoe explained as she finished the last of her wine. "I'm more pissed that she lied to me about it the whole time."

"I'm sorry anyhow," I offered. "You don't deserve that, Zoe."

She got up from the couch and poured us two glasses of water and sat back down next to me. She then untucked her button down and asked, "So, you have that baby shower this weekend?"

"Yep," I informed her.

"And I can see you're so excited about it," Zoe replied sarcastically.

"I am in a weird way, but everything is happening so fast. I found out at work today that the production company wants to talk to me about something permanent here after I finish this project. This baby is coming and all I feel is pressure about being a part of that situation. When I'm here, there are times where I feel like I'm doing the right thing, like I'm right where I'm supposed to be. But when I'm with Ashley, I feel like I'm home. I wish I could have them both. Now I'm just nervous to go back to L.A. and see what happens," I admitted.

"Wow. I just found out my girlfriend cheated on me, followed by a screaming match break up worthy of a country song, and I'm still glad I'm not you," Zoe opined with a laugh.

"Thanks, Zoe. I'm so glad I came out here to cheer you up," I asserted dryly.

The weekend came quickly and I was on a flight to L.A. again and back in Ashley's waiting arms. Friday night Ashley picked me up from the airport and we immediately began to work on the favors for the shower back at her loft.

"What's going on, Spence? You've been so quiet," Ashley said placing some Bath and Body Works lotion into a gift bag.

I had spent the last two hours with Ashley now and was still struggling with the best way to tell her what I wanted to say. There was no more fighting it, so I stopped curling the ribbon and looked up at Ashley.

"I was asked to talk to my bosses about something permanent in Seattle," I whispered. I didn't want to say it out loud, but there were my words hanging between us like a day old helium balloon.

My fingers struggled to knot the ribbon holding the bag together and I turned my focus there instead of on the obvious pain that covered Ashley's face.

"Permanent?" Ashley questioned in shock. "Are you going do it?"

I watched as she slid a bottle of body spray back and forth between her hands on the table. All I could concentrate on was her hands. Those were the same confident hands that taught me how to play guitar and played for me songs whenever I requested. Those were the same hands that fit perfectly in mine and managed to comfort me as she ran them through my hair.

"I want to, this opportunity has always been my dream. But what are we going to do?" I asked.

I wasn't sure if it was a question that had an answer. Ashley sank into her chair and replied, "If it's really your dream, then we'll figure out a way to make it work, Spence. Unless you don't want to."

"No, I want us to work. I just wish everything I wanted was in the same place," I admitted.

"Me too," Ashley agreed and silently returned to finishing the party favors.

During the shower Saturday, I still felt like hell for what I'd requested of her. Not only had she been patiently waiting for me for almost three months, she was willing to wait indefinitely. Since our conversation, there was an uncomfortable silence building between us as the weekend passed. I wasn't sure if it was because of the commotion of all of the activities or if it was much more serious.

Sunday afternoon, I was at Ashley's getting my suitcase packed before my plane left while she was outside on the patio. I watched her through the glass as she played her guitar, before opening the door.

"Hey, what are you doing out here?" I asked.

Ashley turned to face me, with her guitar in her lap. "I just needed a little time to think through some stuff," Ashley said.

I sighed, knowing that this was inevitable. I could tell just by the tone of her voice what was on her mind. The tension had been building between us since I made my announcement Friday and our problems couldn't be avoided any longer.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked rubbing my temples, knowing that it was completely obvious what she was thinking about. I considered wrapping my arms around her, but stayed back not sure what she wanted me to do.

"Just stuff, life, the baby, what I'm going to do. Decisions I have to make," she mused.

It felt like a lie, or maybe a half truth. Either way, she didn't want to tell me and this was the worst possible time to bring it up.

"Can we talk about this later? My flight leaves in a couple of hours and I don't want to miss it," I let her know.

She gave a half scoff and replied, "There's no later, Spence. You're leaving and it's clear that you don't want to talk about it at all. That you don't want to be here anymore. Why don't you run to Zoe then? Wouldn't want to keep her waiting."

I could hear the accusation in her voice and it cut me, because I wasn't expecting that response. My initial reaction was anger. Why was she throwing the Zoe thing in my face? There was nothing there. My head was throbbing at the words she was throwing at me and it would have been so easy to lash out at her about how I didn't need this kind of pressure right now. What I needed was her support.

Then, I realized I had no reason to be upset with her. She probably was extremely hurt by my confession that I was considering staying in Seattle. I needed to let her know that the things I wanted, didn't mean that we couldn't still be together.

Somehow I got out of my quicksand head and managed to offer my sincerest rationale, "I'm not running away. And I'm certainly not running to anyone."

As soon as the words left my mouth, they felt like a lie.

Slowly, Ashley turned her back to me and began to randomly finger pluck a melody on the guitar. She spoke over the tune as if it helped her to say what she meant. Somehow, the rhythm meshed perfectly with the kick drum pounding in my head telling me to stop. It wasn't a song and it wasn't meant to be, but still her words and her melody hit me with their vulnerability.

"That's the thing. You're not running to me, either. It feels like you're not even thinking about me and I can feel you slipping through my fingers, Spence."

I approached her and not knowing what else to do, I squatted down beside her, forcing her to look at me. Her eyes revealed the hurt that she was trying so hard not to show. Ashley stopped playing her guitar and rested it against the railing of the patio. Finally, she ran a hand through my hair as she sat back down in her chair.

I hung my head for a moment, soaking in the simplicity and familiarity of her touch. Normally, it was this exact touch that could soothe me, comfort me and make everything in my world okay, if only for a moment. Tonight, for the first time, I wanted more than her touch could offer. I kissed the back of her hands, knowing that the power they held and maybe there would be enough in them now to fix this.

"Ash, I promise you I'm not making any decisions without you. Where is all of this coming from?" I questioned.

"It's just that you've changed so much from when we first met and especially since you've been gone. I'm not sure where I fit into your life. Sometimes, I feel like you're growing away from me," she admitted.

We were silent for a moment as I let the air collect in my chest after being stomped out by her doubts that had been uttered aloud. Or maybe it wasn't her doubts, it was the fact that there was some truth to it.

I linked her hand in mine, now that it was free. Her fingers were limp in mine and I wondered what I could possibly say to make this right. "You have to believe me when I say I love you and I don't want anyone else. And yeah, I'd be lying if I said we hadn't changed. Maybe it's a good thing that I'm leaving. Absence makes the heart grow fonder," I offered with a smile.

Ashley did not seem at all moved by my words as she replied with, "And sometimes it makes it stray."

I was surprised by the anger that was building up as I heard her words. Was she looking for a reaction in me? I never cheated and I was trying to make it perfectly clear that I wasn't interested in Zoe. "Ash, you're not making this easy on me! We both know that this isn't about Zoe. I don't know what else to say to convince you that I only want you."

She lifted her hand from mine and nodded. "I know and you are absolutely right. That's part of the problem, isn't it? You only want me, not this fucked up situation with Kyla and the baby. And I can't separate myself from that. Maybe some time apart will give us perspective about what we really want."

"Perspective," I repeated dumbly as I tried to understand the meaning of her last comment. "Ash, I want nothing more for you to be happy, but what I really want is for us to be happy together."

"Me too," she agreed.

"Then why is this so hard?" I challenged rhetorically.

Ashley who didn't have the answers as much as I didn't replied simply, "I don't know. Because I guess we realized that we might want very different things from our lives. You seem so sure about everything in your life and I feel like all I have is you. I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with you and I feel like all you want to do is spend yours without me. You were the only certainty in my life and now I need some time to figure things out," she said.

"Time? More time than the next few weeks that I'll be in Seattle?" I asked, heartbroken.

I wasn't expecting the possibility of loosing her for good coming into this conversation. I was scared shitless at this moment at the thought of her not with me.

"I don't know," she said softly. "You tell me."

"I don't know how to fix us, if you don't give me the chance."

"And how do you want to fix us, Spence? What's there even left to talk about? You've already made up your mind. This whole job distraction is just an excuse to avoid the obvious issue, which you still won't acknowledge and that's Kyla and the baby. It's not like there aren't plenty of opportunities for you here," Ashley said.

"I know that. My mind isn't made up, though. If I get this job, I want you to consider the possibility of coming to Seattle with me," I said.

"Spence, I don't want you to ask me because it's the only way you think you can save us," she replied.

"That's not what I think at all," I disagreed.

"I can't leave Kyla. You know that," she pointed out. "And you're doing it again. You're avoiding the whole thing completely. Why can't you just admit that this whole baby thing has you freaking out?"

She was right. She hit the nail on the head and I was hoping that the nail wasn't on our own coffin. The reason I didn't say anything about it up until now, was because I knew deep down inside she was right.

"Fine. I admit it. This instant family is not what I imagined for us. I don't even know if I want kids of my own, but I figured we'd have plenty of time to figure that out together. The life that is ahead of me at this very moment is nothing like what I imagined my life was going to be like a few months ago. All I feel is pressure and guilt because I don't want to raise Kyla and Aiden's baby. Now I'm here with the opportunity of a lifetime looking like a total asshole because I want to chase after my dreams."

The words spilled out of my mouth and as much as I wished they weren't true, I didn't want to take them back. I felt an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach as my secret burden was lifted. I finally said the feelings that have been building since Aiden died.

She looked at me with tear filled eyes, but at the same time I saw relief in them, too. I guess she finally heard me say what she had known all along. It was the elephant in the room that we were both too polite or too scared to bring up because we knew that the solution was not going to be pleasant. There was no use in pretending anymore.

"As painful as this is, I needed to hear you say it," she mumbled and I knew from her tone it was heartfelt.

"I'm sorry," I admitted with tear filled eyes. "I wish I didn't want this job. I wish I was ready to help raise a child."

"If Seattle is what you want, then take it and don't for a second feel guilty about it. I love you with all of my heart, more than I ever thought I could possibly love anyone. Just know that I am yours, always. And if you decide Seattle isn't what you want, I will be right here waiting for you," she declared softly, grabbing wrist before I could turn to leave. "But I don't want to be the person who forces you to live a life that doesn't make you happy."

I was still frozen under the spell of her touch, considering it might be the last time I'd ever feel it. Leaning forward, I kissed her cheek. I wished everything else in the world could disappear but us, but life doesn't work like that. I'd already spent far too much time letting myself get lost in our love, thinking that it would be enough to be the solution.

My lips hovered by her face and I savored the smell of her as I realized that there was nothing else I could do in this moment to fix us. All I wanted to do was to feel her lips on mine, but after the conversation we had, I didn't know if she would kiss me back. That was the kind of rejection that would make this too painfully real for me to bear.

"Goodbye, Ash," I whispered closing the door behind me, knowing that I was walking away from the person I loved more than anyone in the world.


	54. Chapter 54: Scattered Thunderstorms

I felt like a zombie my entire plane flight back to Seattle, minus the desire to feed on human flesh. The next couple of days were torture and I barely talked to Zoe. After a few days of uncomfortable silence between us, I caved and told her that Ashley and I broke up, but that was about all I was able to offer. With nothing else of value in my life, I threw myself into the documentary, volunteering to do every last little thing I could so that I felt like I was doing something with a purpose. Nothing seemed to satisfy me and inside I knew why. Over the next two weeks, the documentary finished wrapping up and I made arrangements to talk to some of the studio executives about my future in Seattle.

Finally, the night before my meeting I told Zoe the whole situation with Ashley, my opportunity and leaving L.A.

"You can't keep burying yourself and guilt and sadness, Spencer. There's a reason that everything happens, you know?" Zoe advised.

She ran a hand through her chestnut locks, which were straight today and sat on the couch next to me. Tentatively, she reached a hand around me and pulled me in to her.

"Like Kyla getting pregnant and Aiden dying? And me ending up here?" I sniped.

My anger had been building since the breakup. It wasn't Ashley that I was mad at, it was myself. Zoe didn't deserve to be the dumping ground for my frustration, but she was the only one here who really knew what I was going through right now and I wasn't ready to take a good hard look at myself or my life. Like a good friend, she brushed off my cold words and continued offering her support.

"Look, if you would have stayed in a situation where you were going to be unhappy, then things would have ended up even worse. Don't feel bad for doing something for yourself if you know that there was no other option," Zoe rationalized.

It made sense in a logical sort of way, but I wasn't thinking logically. Thinking with my head is what caused me to leave Ashley. Thinking with my heart now was making it impossible to ignore that even if I wasn't ready for the life I'd left in LA right this second, it didn't mean that it wasn't what I was meant to do. If being with Ashley wasn't a part of my future, I don't know that Seattle was the right alternative. I was so confused.

"I don't even know if it matters anymore. I feel like I completely burned my bridges and maybe I just need some signs to figure out what direction I need to be headed in next," I replied in defeat.

"So you want a sign?" Zoe challenged with a smile.

"Yes, any sign would be a start," I said.

"At work, I happened to stumble on these tickets to a very famous DJ whose playing a show tonight at a very exclusive club. I wasn't going to go because I have to work tomorrow, but I think that this is something we need to do very much," Zoe suggested.

I noticed two things in that exchange. Zoe used the word very way too much and fuck if my own words didn't just bite me in the ass. The last thing I wanted to do was party all my problems away at some sweaty posh nightclub, but it was certainly better than wallowing in my self-pity any longer. That might mean that I'd have the chance to think the kind of thoughts that would lead me back to Ashley.

"Fine. Let's go," I decided.

Zoe and I both got ready for the club and walked out the door to the apartment an hour later. After a few drinks, I felt a little numb and was grateful for that. Zoe and I were waiting for the bartender so we could order another round of drinks, when the bartender deposited two frilly looking pink martinis in front of us.

"These are from the gentlemen over there," he said with a smirk and nodded to two guys on the other side of the bar. "They wanted you to know that beautiful women deserve to have beautiful drinks."

They looked like Jersey Shore rejects. One guy had way too much gel in his spiky hair and the other was wearing a huge silver chain that was lying on top of a tight v-neck t-shirt. Both were sporting the same ridiculous, 'How you doin?' smirks directed to Zoe and me.

"Ugh. I don't know what I hate more. Them, terrible pickup lines, or Vodka. Either way, they just struck out and it's not like they had a chance anyway," Zoe scoffed.

I couldn't agree more, but I've never been one to turn down a free drink so I began to chug my martini and hers.

"Seriously, those guys look like they robbed Criss Angel's closet. And now they are coming this way, we need to get the fuck out of here," Zoe continued.

Thinking I had the best idea in the world, I took her hand. "Come on," I demanded as I her to the far corner of the dance floor.

The Jersey Shore twins were smarter than they looked and found us after a few minutes of dancing.

"Shit," I said at the sight of them. "I think they found us."

Both were looking like they were about to bust a nut just watching us dance. I grabbed Zoe and pulled her closer to me and shot my eyes in the direction of our overzealous suitors. Zoe's eyes followed and she rested her hand on my lower back and returned her gaze to me, understanding what I wanted her to do. My arms rested loosely on her shoulders and we swayed to the beat, but weren't fortunate enough to shake our pursuers. The guys began to take a few steps closer and were only a minute away from grinding on us.

"Why can't guys ever take a hint?" I grumbled.

Zoe watched as they approached and whispered, "Don't freak out. We need to make this look convincing."

"We need to make what look conv-" I started, but was interrupted by her lips against mine.

Knowing that we were being watched, I pulled her closer and kissed her back, never missing a beat as we danced to the music. It wasn't like the kiss I'd remembered from college. It was much different than kissing Ashley. I really missed kissing Ashley. I really missed Ashley. The thoughts that filled my head were not the normal thoughts one should think when kissing somebody else.

Zoe pulled back slowly and then placed another quick kiss against my lips. I blinked a few times after the kiss, wondering why I was here and what the fuck I was doing kissing Zoe. She looked back at me with a soft smile and declared with a nod in the guys direction, "I think that was pretty convincing."

If she meant that it was convincing me that me being here was all wrong, she was right. Zoe brushed a stray wisp of hair from my temple and waited for my response. "Yeah, convincing," I managed to say.

The guys had managed to get our hint and shared an overjoyed smile as they left. That was probably the best received rejection I had even seen two guys take before. Zoe and I stayed on the dance floor for another hour and decided to call it a night. There had been too much excitement for one night for me and my heart was starting to ache as my thoughts about Ashley began to surface, no matter how much I had tried to drown them in my Vodka filled head.

The next morning I was slightly hungover, but I told Zoe I would meet her for lunch. We decided on a burger joint that was close to a nearby park, so we could enjoy what was supposed to be a gorgeous preview of spring. I finished the meeting earlier than I thought I would and fidgeted nervously in front of the restaurant while I waited for her to arrive.

"How did the meeting go?" Zoe asked, as we waited in line to place our order.

"Really good," I replied with enough feigned excitement that I almost fooled myself. "In fact, they extended me an offer on the spot."

This was the opportunity I told myself I had been waiting for, yet it seemed completely empty as I shared the news with Zoe. There was something missing and part of me knew exactly what…make that who…that missing piece was. I still wasn't ready to let myself feel it.

Zoe lit up with her gigantic smile. "Congratulations, Spence! So does this mean that you might be a permanent fixture around here?"

It was impossible to miss the excitement in her voice. She was more excited about the possibility of me staying than I was.

"Maybe," I offered. "I haven't accepted it yet."

As much as I thought I wanted this job, there was a hesitancy that kept me from calling back and accepting the position immediately. I should have wanted it more than this. The whole reason I came here was because I was following my dream and I loved my job, but everything else in my life seemed dull.

Zoe's smile faded at my aloofness and she gave me a quizzical look. "Why not? You don't want to stay with me?"

She was obviously hurt and I wanted to make it clear that it wasn't anything she had done, so I countered with, "No. It's not that. Being around you again has been great, Zoe. It's just that I'm not sure if Seattle is right for me."

Luckily, I didn't have to explain any further as it was now our turn to place our orders. While we got everything together, we made our way over to a bench at the park and I was soaking in some much needed sunlight while we ate. Since I confessed that I wasn't sure if I was staying, Zoe had gotten quiet.

I knew she was contemplating telling me something, so after we finished eating, I finally gathered the courage to ask.

"What are you thinking, Zoe?" I pressed.

She played with the wrapper of her straw for a moment before looking up at me. Before she spoke a single word, I knew that this wasn't going to be an easy conversation. Her slate blue eyes made it clear that she wasn't going to hold back the way she felt for me any longer. I had a drunken idea last night, but it was more of a sober nightmare right now.

"Spence, I get that you are going through a lot right now and that your about to make some important decisions. But I need to be completely honest with you. From the second I saw you in L.A., I knew I was still in love with you."

Zoe hesitated before she continued, "I wish I had told you how I felt years ago. For a long time, I was so mad at myself for just letting you go. Spencer, you are worth fighting for. I realize that now and that's what I intend to do. I still love you and I had to tell you. I thought about telling you last night after we kissed, but I didn't want that to be on your mind on your big day and I didn't want to tell you in some bar. But now, I have to be totally honest with you. I hope that you would consider staying in Seattle and giving us a try."

"Zoe, I'm…" I hesitated. What I almost said was with Ashley. But that wasn't true any longer. I had done a hell of a job making that a possibility. "Still in love with Ashley," I stammered, completely stunned by her admission.

Zoe continued her plea, true to her word to fight for me, "Then how come you're here with me and not in L.A. with her? She just let you walk away without fighting for you. Part of you has to feel this connection with me too. I mean that kiss last night, I know it was just so we could ditch those losers, but you had to have felt something?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I don't know how I feel anymore."

That was a lie. I felt nauseous. I felt stupid. I felt empty. I felt a lot of things that made me realize that the only person I was fooling with my disappearing act was myself. Somehow I had managed to hurt a lot of people in the process, but that's what tends to happen when you act completely selfish. No matter what I did, my decisions were going to leave someone as disappointed as I was in myself.

She sniffed at my response, but continued, "I've waited three years for you Spence. She can't even wait…what…three months?"

"The difference is that I never asked you to wait. You just ran away from me, Zoe. There was a situation that you couldn't deal with and you just ran," I said flatly.

The irony of my words felt like a semi truck hitting me. I just ran away from Ashley. She would have waited three months, but I didn't even give her the possibility to do that. How could I possibly expect her to keep waiting for me while I pushed her away when she needed me the most? I remember how hurt I was when Zoe just ran away from our friendship and I cringed at the amount of pain I had inflicted on Ashley by doing the exact same thing.

"We were meant to be together, Spence. Everything makes sense when I'm with you," Zoe continued, tears starting to stream down her face.

Here was one of my friends pouring her heart out to me and the words she kept saying that were meant to make me choose her, only made me think about Ashley. Because nothing made sense without Ashley. Of course, now everything was starting to make sense, the more I pictured my life with her in it.

"I'm sorry, Zoe," I said softly. "I can't be with you."

Not sure if she was going to let me, I tentatively pulled her into an embrace. Her arms were loose and she didn't return the hug as she cried in my arms. There was something in that moment that made me think that this was also going to be the end of our friendship too. It wasn't comfort I was offering her in my arms, it was goodbye.

"No," she argued and the tone in her voice wasn't sadness, it was rage. Pushing me away, she continued, "This isn't how this is supposed to be. You don't even know what I've done for this chance with you."

"What?" I asked in confusion.

"After I saw you again, I knew that I had to do something. All those feelings I felt for you were still there. And then, I find out that you have a girlfriend. That maybe the way we were in college wasn't just in my head. So, I did everything I possibly could to get you here," she confessed.

"What?" I repeated, this time with anger.

"I called in a few favors with one of my friends from UCLA to get you a job at her company. By the time you were considered to fill the opening here, I had already met Kelly and didn't even think much of it until I saw you at the sandwich shop. It's like fate, Spence. I know it wasn't right, but I thought that if you were here…if we spent time together, that you would see that I would do anything for you," she finished softly.

"Fate? You think this is fate? So the whole reason I'm here has nothing to do with my qualifications or my abilities? I'm only here because you wanted another shot with me?" I hissed caught between the anger over her manipulation and the fact that choosing to be here had driven a fatal blow to Ashley and me.

"It's not like that, exactly. The fact that they are asking you to stay means you proved to them what I knew all along. You are so talented, Spence. You deserved every opportunity you got. I just put your name in the ring," Zoe finished, desperately trying to make her deception seem inconsequential.

I was going through emotions faster than Michael Phelps goes through Speedos trying to process the last few months. Sadness that I couldn't love her the way she would love me and that this was really and truly the last of our friendship. Anger over her evil plan that was one of the reasons I wasn't in L.A. Disappointment in myself for not even trying to work on my future with Ashley when she deserved so much more from me. Shock that the sum of my decisions were crumbling around me.

"I can't believe you, Zoe," I said defeated. "I can't believe you did this. I can't believe I did this. I've got to go," I finished abruptly and stood from the bench.

"Where are you going Spencer?" Zoe called after me.

It was the question of the day, hell it was the question of the year. Not knowing the answer, I turned and looked back at her and offered her the only thing I could, "Where I belong."


	55. Chapter 55: 1,260

A/N: If the 1260 is a little overkill, I hope the Spashtastic nature of this chapter makes up for it.

It was over. It was all over and I couldn't even share it with Ashley because I managed to make my life unrecognizable in just a few weeks. After talking to Zoe, I realized that I needed to close this chapter of my life. Knowing that she would be going back to work, I went back to her apartment. It didn't take me long to pack up all of my things. I knew I couldn't stay with Zoe any longer; that was about the only thing I didn't doubt.

I left my key on the kitchen counter and locked the door behind me. It was symbolic of the fact that I didn't want a way to go back to that reality. It was time to move forward, even if I wasn't sure what direction was forward. All I knew is that the direction I had been moving in prior to today was terminal.

I was more lost than I'd ever been in my entire life. My thoughts wandered back to Los Angeles. Thinking about the life I gave up, abandoned with such ease, was causing my chest to ache. L.A. seemed like yesterday and somehow like a lifetime ago. Maybe by going back, I could move forward. It didn't make any sense to me and that's probably why it seemed like the right thing to do. I just wasn't convinced I would be able to make these kinds of life changing decisions anymore. It was as if I was somehow back where I was almost a year ago, confused and alone. My only thought was the thing that saved me last year might just be the only thing that could save me now.

I waited outside of the apartment complex and focused on the blue skies that peaked around the steel skyscrapers on this flawless day as I walked to the corner of the street. Once I reached my destination, I set my suitcase on the ground beside me while I watched the streets for a passing taxi. While I was scanning the traffic filled street, a reddish-brown hummingbird landed on the handle of my suitcase. I'd never seen one close up and I'd certainly never seen one land before. It cocked it's head to the side as I observed it for a minute, staying completely still, so I didn't disturb it.

As the sunlight filtered down onto the little bird, I noticed an iridescent green in it's wings. The bird continued to look at me cautiously and then fluttered away before landing again on top of a parking meter, next to a cab that had stopped almost in front of me.

I laughed at the coincidence of it and began to follow the bird to the waiting taxi. After entering the cab, I still had no clue where I wanted to go. Exhausted, I told the driver to take me to any decent hotel nearby. My cell phone was already in my hand, scrolling to her name. Worried that there was nothing left for me to go back to yet, I stuffed my phone back in my purse and watched the activity of the city as we drove through crowded streets.

I thought back to before I left and how I promised Ashley that I'd always come back to her and I felt an overwhelming desire to make sure that I wouldn't break that promise.

"Stop," I asked of the cab driver, shaking my head. "Take me to the airport instead."

While planes were busy landing and taking off, people rushed around me to make it to their flights on time. All I had separating me from the only thing that mattered was a two and a half hour flight. And a plan. I picked up my cell phone and dialed, knowing I was going to need some help on this one.

"Madison!" I exclaimed into the phone as soon as she picked up. "What are you doing in three hours and can you pick me up from the airport?"

I could almost see the smile on Madison's face as she responded, "Nothing and hell yeah!"

When the plane landed at LAX, I felt like I was finally home. While making my way to the exit, I saw the other fliers meet their loved ones and I wished Ashley was there to wait for me. But Ashley had already waited long enough for me.

Madison was was parked at the curb, waiting. She popped out of the car and almost knocked me over with her embrace. I stuffed my bag into the trunk of her car after freeing myself from her gigantic hug.

"See, this is what happens when we don't live together. You run off to Seattle and do all kinds of stupid shit without me keeping you in check," she reprimanded as she closed her trunk.

"Hello to you too Mads," I said.

She gave a throaty laugh and pulled away from the curb. She was drumming on the steering wheel and I could tell that there was a lot that she wanted to say, but was staying strangely quiet for some reason.

"Madison, spill it already. I've never heard you stay silent for more than one minute and you've never held back from me before, so why start now?" I asked.

She shot me a stare that I knew meant 'drop dead' in the most loving way possible and questioned, "What happened?"

I braced myself for the inevitable onslaught of chatter that was about to be directed at me as soon as I finished and summarized, "The whole reason I was asked to go to Seattle was because Zoe set it all up. And I left because I was too freaked out with the whole Kyla and the baby situation, so I broke up with Ashley. This whole thing has been a huge mistake."

"No offense, but you needed a swift kick in the ass back to reality. You know I never liked Zoe in college and it had nothing to do with me being jealous of your friendship with her. She was manipulative and quite frankly she never deserved to have you as a friend. What are you going to do about Ashley?"

I gave her a half smile at her fantastic judge of character after the fact, and admitted, "I'm going to try to see if she'll forgive me and maybe see if I can get her back."

"Good luck, Spencer. You're really going to need to prove to her that you're not going to bail on her again. You've got to let her know there's no more runnning away and that you are going to be fully committed to her. At least that's what I would want," Madison advised.

"Yeah, now I just need to figure out how," I agreed.

I asked Madison to take me on a detour to the grocery store and returned to her waiting in the car jamming out to Taylor Swift.

"I thought you didn't like her," I commented, referring to Taylor, as I shut the door and sat down.

"She's grown on me. I like her sunshine fueled angst," Madison said dryly as she looked at my purchase, which was covering up my entire lap. "What's up with the diapers?"

I shrugged and ran my hands nervously over the box of Pampers I'd purchased at the grocery store. "You're the one who told me to prove that I was in it for the long haul," I reminded her.

Madison shook her head and chided, "Spencer, you might need a little help in the romance department. Diapers don't exactly scream 'forgive me'. They kind of scream 'Hey, I collect baby shit'. If you really want to get Ashley back, you're going to need something better than Pampers."

Like I was that clueless. The diapers weren't for Ashley and they weren't going to be enough to prove that I was serious about my decision. Still, I was in a good, if not nervous, mood and let Madison think that she could be of assistance. I humored her and even asked for suggestions. We spent the rest of the ride trying to figure out what I could say or do to convince Ashley to take me back. Nothing seemed right, but I thanked Madison as she dropped me off at my apartment.

After showering and getting dressed, I paced in my kitchen saying aloud to myself possible things I wanted to tell her, but none of my words were enough.

Frustrated, I lay in bed trying to let my mind work through this problem, but Ashley haunted me like a ghost in my empty apartment. The smell of her on my sheets still, the toothbrush I couldn't bring myself to throw away. Needing to bring something new of hers into my mind, I thought of the letter she wouldn't let me read after the day at the pier. The day we finally realized how stupid we both were trying to push each other away. I reached in my drawer where I had kept it and felt for the smoothness of the white envelope. I finally poked the edge with a fingertip and pinched a corner, freeing it from underneath my socks.

I stuck my finger under the opening at the top of the envelope and ripped along the seam. It was a small card with a picture of a hummingbird on it. It reminded me of the hummingbird I saw earlier today. After studying the image, I flipped it open.

Inside, there were no typed insincere words from a greeting card company, just her plain handwriting that read:

1,260.

That's the number of heartbeats a hummingbird, maybe one of those hummingbirds in your stomach, beats per minute.

That's the number of times I've caught myself thinking about you in a day.

That's the number of seconds it to figure out I loved you. (If my math is right, and my math usually sucks, it's 21 minutes. That would be around the time you told me why you wanted to learn to play guitar.)

That's the number of rides I'd take on a merry-go-round if it gave me a chance to feel the way I did when we had our first kiss.

That's the number of attempts I'm willing to make to say I'm sorry, even if I think I'm right and even if I think you're wrong. No, that's a lie. I'll never have enough apologies if I do even one thing to need one.

That's the number of years I will spend trying to get you to forgive me. To choose me. To be with me. Take your pick, because I'm yours.

When my words fail, and they always do, just remember that number. Any problem that comes our way, for me the solution will always be:

1,260.

Love,

Ashley

Tears were rolling down my face and I was so in love with her in that moment, I couldn't remember why I would ever want to be anywhere without her. I just hoped it didn't matter when she wrote that letter or when I read it. That it doesn't matter who was right or who was wrong. Who apologized or who forgave. Everything else was so trivial when I compared it to how I felt for Ashley. If even one of those words was true, I was wasting precious time.

I grabbed my keys and drove the familiar route to Ashley's loft. I rang the doorbell repeatedly, knowing that if Ashley wasn't there, Kyla would probably be in bed. Finally, after I thought my thumb was going to break, Kyla answered the door. Upon seeing me on the other side, she practically strangled me as she wrapped me in a bear hug.

"I knew you'd come back," she whispered into my ear while I was paralyzed in her vice grip. How someone so tiny can be so freakishly strong, I have no idea. Perhaps, it was because of the enormous baby bump she was sporting. She was hugging for two now.

After she finally let go and I checked to make sure none of my ribs were broken, I asked, "I didn't see her car, but is Ashley here?"

"No, she's still at work," Kyla said.

"What? It's ten thirty!"

"She's been spending a lot of time there. I guess she likes to play and write music there. It's the only place she can clear her head. Normally, she hasn't been getting home until after eleven."

"Do you have a piece of paper and a Sharpie?" I asked.

Kyla looked at me puzzled, but flashed me an index finger to wait as she searched through a stack of cardboard boxes that lined the living room.

"What's up with all the boxes?" I asked, referring to the packed items.

"Spencer, you've only been gone a few weeks, but you picked a hell of a time to leave. I'm still moving out, well not too far away. Just a few units down to the place that Aiden and I bought. It's time for me to move on and I know that Ashley is only a knock away if I really need her," Kyla explained. "The movers are coming tomorrow."

God, I was stupid! I had been freaking out over a baby that Ashley and I didn't really ever have to raise. It made the fact that I'd let my fears tear us apart without even talking to Ashley about it, that much more painful.

After a moment of searching, she pulled out of a box the requested materials. Quickly, I scribbled out my simple message and stuffed it into my jacket pocket. I wasn't quite sure of my plan, but I thanked Kyla and told her to wait for me to return.

A minute later, I returned with the box of Pampers I'd purchased earlier. "Ky, before I leave, I have something I want to give you," I said thrusting the box into her arms.

She looked at me like I was crazy, probably because I kind of was, and replied, "Thanks, but you didn't have to do this."

"Yes, I do. There's ninety six diapers in that box. One for each day that I was in Seattle when I should have been here. No matter what happens with Ashley and me, I want you to know that I'm here if you need me," I told her.

Reluctantly, she took the box from my hands and set it on top of a stack of moving boxes. She hesitated and offered, "It's ok. Sometimes you have to leave and make some mistakes in life in order to end up right where you need to be. If you had never left, you would have doubted or worse regretted your choice to stay. I know Ashley would feel the same way too. I mean things in life don't always go as planned and sometimes in our choices, we make mistakes. I'm living proof of that fact. I never expected to get pregnant or marry Aiden or be faced with the possibility of being a single parent, but it's how we face it that matters."

"Thanks, Ky," I returned simply.

Kyla was going to make a great mom. She looked at me with a sympathetic smile on her face and smacked my arm. "Now get the hell out of here and go get her!" she commaned.

I gave Kyla one last hug for courage and bolted for the door.

I sped all the way to the music store. Acceleration was my clarity, allowing for the details of my plan to come together. I didn't even bother shutting the door to my car as I ran to the front door and peered in the glass. The showroom was dark, but back where the private lessons were, a light glimmered from under the door. I tried to open the door, but it was locked. I had expected it to be, so I pulled the piece of paper from my pocket and stood attentively next to the drivers side of her Porsche.

It felt like forever as I waited, but I knew Ashley was in there and from Kyla's information she had to leave soon. Minutes passed like hours, but finally I saw the light turn off and watched her shadow as it bounced along the wall of the store, pausing for her to set the alarm. The door opened with a jingle and she turned so she could lock up for the night.

Ashley was focused on finding a spot for her guitar on the ground and immediately turned her back to me as she locked it back up for the night. My voice felt hoarse and my throat was completely dry at the sight of her. It didn't matter: there was no need for me to speak, anyways.

I watched as she dropped the keys into her purse and picked up her guitar. She took a few strides closer before her gaze began to scan for her vehicle. Not once had she looked in my direction, until now. She did a double take at the sight of me, but carefully set down her guitar case on the pavement. Seeing me under the humming dull light of the streetlamp, she took the steps to get closer to me. I stood there in silence, wishing I could read her mind. All that filled my head was self doubt and the fear of losing her for good. I watched her eyes trace the sign I was holding and a hesitant smile crossed her face.

Black on white displayed the only message that mattered: 1,260.

My shaky fingers clenched the sign as the paper rattled, giving away my nerves. Then, there was the sound I'll never forget.

"1,260?" she inquired as the recognition lit up her face, wanting me to confirm.

"1,260," I repeated nodding my head. "Is it still the solution?"

I searched her brown eyes and she stood frozen in front of me, trying to understand everything. "I'm so sorry, Ash," I added, cramming the paper into my pocket.

"No, I'm sorry Spence," she began, but I cut her off mid sentance by pressing my index finger to her pouted lips.

"No apologies, Ash," I instructed. "They are all mine tonight."

Slowly, I lowered my finger and replaced it with my lips. It was soft and slow, because I wasn't sure if it meant we'd be back together after just those few words. I felt her hands as she cupped my face and I deepened the kiss at feeling her touch surround me again. I forgot how good she tasted and how prefectly our lips melded together. As much as I wanted it to last forever, I broke from her, because I was a crazy woman on a mission and there was no time for distractions. She started to protest, but I cut her off again.

"Come with me," I demanded.

Ashley blinked at the boldness of my statement before asking, "Where? Seattle?"

I knew then that I still had a lot of explaining to do and I hoped I had time for that. With nothing left to lose, I responded, "No. I know you might not have a lot of faith in me right now, but just trust me."

"I never lost faith in you, Spence," she said, taking my hand in hers while we walked to my car.

Ashley loaded her guitar in the trunk and hopped in. As soon as I looked over at her in the passengers seat, everything in my life felt like it was back on track. Not wanting to spend the whole ride in complete silence, I figured now was the best time to explain myself.

"Have you ever just run away from the purpose in your life? I mean so far away that you were completely lost and don't know what direction your even going in anymore?" I asked.

She nodded cautiously, clearly intrigued by what I was going to say next.

"I remember I got so mad when you asked if I was running to Zoe. And I said I wasn't running away. I didn't think I was, but I was. When I was in Seattle, I'd gotten so lost that I didn't know how to find my way back. I will never let that happen again. I'm tired of running away."

"I made it kind of easy for you to run," she conceded, bowing her head.

"No, you didn't. You made it impossible and yet I was still too scared to admit that I had everything I needed with you," I informed her.

"I let my love my sister and my excitement about the baby convince me that I was doing the right thing. Kyla was in a really bad place after Aiden died and it felt so good to be needed, especially since I felt like you were slowly pulling away from me. So, I didn't even realize that Kyla was going to be fine without me and while all of this was happening, I ended up feeling like I had nothing," Ashley confessed. "I don't blame you for leaving. I blame myself for letting you go or not going with you."

"Leaving you was the wrong choice. You are my home, Ashley. You are my purpose. I only belong wherever you are. A job just a job and it doesn't mean anything if I can't share it with you," I clarified.

"So you're staying? What about the job? Seattle? The baby?" she asked hesitantly.

"I've already called to let them know that I won't be staying in Seattle. I realized Seattle is missing one very important thing: you. If the studio really wants me back here, they'll find something for me. And if they don't, I can do something else. I don't care what, as long as I get to see your face every day. And as for the baby, it will be good practice for when we are ready to have one of our own someday."

Ashley contemplated my admission, but still didn't speak. Her silence made the seconds pass by slowly because I felt like I couldn't read her. All I wanted was the feeling that we shared the same thoughts again.

"What are you thinking?" I asked impatiently.

"That I've been waiting months for this. That all I ever wanted was for you to tell me exactly what your telling me right now. That we have problems that needed to be fixed and we couldn't fix them. And then you say these words and it's like they never even mattered. That I don't know why or how I could have ever doubted the way you felt towards me…" she trailed off.

"But?" I asked with trepidation, feeling like there was something more she was holding back.

She shot her head in my direction and wove her fingers with mine before she offered simply, "But nothing. You are absolutely right. We belong together. I love you so much, Spence," she said.

"I love you too, Ashley," I returned.

Her words finally gave me the relief I needed to carry on with the rest of my plan. Ashley realized where we were going before we made it to our destination. "What are we going to do here?"

"Tonight, were going to start over and we're going to do it the right way this time," I shrugged.

"But it's closed," she commented.

"So?" I challenged boldly.

I pulled up to where the gates were blocking our entrance to the park and pulled my safety flashlight from the backseat. Thank God for Paula. Her neurosis meant a vehicle safety kit for Christmas one year. At least I can say I used it now.

I lit the way for us with the flashlight and Ashley clung onto me for dear life as she muttered, "I don't like being here after dark. This is like where all the freaks come, I'm sure."

"Hello, we live in Los Angeles. There are plenty of places for the freaks to go. They probably aren't going to come here," I joked. It wasn't totally true, but I really needed Ashley on board for this and we were already so close. So close to our destination physically and for me emotionally.

Finally, the beam of light from my flashlight contacted the stopping point on our adventure. I turned it off and discarded into my pocket. Now, we only had the dim illumination from the moon to light our playground.

"Get your ass on that merry go round," I teased as I thought back to the night of what I considered our fist date. That damn letter had me feeling all kinds of nostalgic tonight.

Ashley did as she was told and sat down on the stainless steel, her back propped my a metal pole. Once she was settled, I threw all my weight to get the hunk of metal spinning and built up my speed before I hopped on. This is where I got brave once before. This is where the hummingbirds were returning; thier wings fluttering, heart racing and somehow able to defy the boundaries of time. It didn't matter how long Ashley and I were together or apart, no amount of time could stop the hummingbirds from returning.

I had a goofy grin on my face just from being around her again, knowing with certainty that I was right where I belonged. I stared deeply into her brown eyes, watching the moonlight shimmer off of them. As the laws of physics kicked in, the ride gradually reduced in speed. We were only traveling at a crawl, but I was completely dizzy. I wasn't sure if it was from the ride or what I was about to do next.

I reached in my pocket and pulled out the crushed velvet case and popped it open, revealing the ring I had brought with me, hoping that it would prove my commitment more than diapers or promises could. Inside, sat my grandmothers ring.

"Spence," she breathed.

The words began to tumble out of my mouth in such chaos, I wasn't sure if I was making any sense, "1,260. That's the number of guitar lessons I'd take to find you again. That's the number of babies I'm willing to raise with you if that's what you want. That's the number of times I've wanted to ask and am willing to ask, Ashley Davies, will you marry me?" I finished.

"1,260. That's the number of times I'll say yes," she replied and knocked me onto my back.

Her body was covering me as she rested her forearms on either side of my head. My eyes were fixed on the caramel flecks that seemed to dance in her eyes as we spoke our apologies, hopes and dreams without a single word.

Our faces were trapped by her brown curls, protecting us from everything else in the world. Slowly, she lowered her mouth to mine. It was like the first kiss, but better. Better because with this meeting of our lips, we merged every moment of our past to our present. Every second that brought us to this point, was now brought back full circle as the starting point of our future together. Even after everything we'd been through, she gave me the hummingbirds still. And their heartbeats were still racing at 1,260. It was my new favorite number.

We stayed on that carousel long after it finished spinning. I was curled up at Ashley's side, nuzzling my head on her shoulder. I gazed up and looked at Ashley, whose attention was focused on her newly bejeweled ring finger.

With my stirring, she looked over at me and gave a contented smile and pressed a kiss to the top of my head.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked.

"Hummingbirds. Lots and lots of hummingbirds," she announced.


	56. Chapter 56: Spare Bedroom

A/N: So originally, I was planning on ending the story with 1,260, but I decided to tie up some loose ends with this and the next chapter. Thanks to all of my fellow romantics who did like the 1,260 meaning. I am a sucker for a well thought out proposal and it's been so long since I had "written" Ashley's letter (and the majority of that chapter) that I completely forgot how I even came up with that idea. I guess I really need to end my single streak so I can actually try to be all lovey with a person rather than my laptop. As for this chapter, before people want kill Ashley (or me), just keep in mind that Spencer's perception of what is going on is just her perception: it's not reality. And it wil all make sense tomorrow when I post the last chapter.

"Baby, what are you doing in here?" Ashley asked as she walked into the spare bedroom. "Your parents are coming over in three hours and we still have tons to do before they get here."

I was sitting on the floor with my legs crossed, rummaging through a cardboard box that I still hadn't unpacked. Random household items were strewn around me and Ashley moved a few aside as she made her way towards me.

"My mom gave us a set of candles as a housewarming gift and I wanted to put them on the table by the entrance. Of course, now I can't find them," I huffed in frustration.

Ashley finally cleared a path to me and sat behind me. She wrapped her arms around me and murmured into my ear, "Just breathe, Spence. I'm sure Paula will understand that we need a little time to get everything organized."

She kissed my cheek and held me tightly as I leaned back into her, basking at how easily she was able to bring me back down from my crazy neurotic place and comfort me.

"I know, I just wanted everything to be perfect. Now this room is a mess and they're going to be here in a few hours," I lamented. "And there's no doors. I mean I love this place Ashley, but there are no Goddamn doors!"

I felt the rise and fall of her laugh against me and it was just another way she soothed me. Actually the more I thought about it, it was almost a little irritating how not seriously she was taking this whole situation. She should not have been laughing at me when I was freaking out like this!

"The lack of doors is kind of what makes this a loft, Spence. And don't worry about the room. We'll just tell your parents that it's a mess because we had a stripper pole and sex swing installed and all of our kinky sex toys are in here. That should keep them out," she joked.

After my laughter subsided, I inhaled deeply and turned to kiss Ashley on the lips.

"I love you and your sick sense of humor," I declared with a huge smile on my face.

Ashley squeezed me tighter at my announcement and replied, "I love you and the sound of your laughter. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life listening to it. I wonder how it will sound when you're 80?"

"Did I mention I love your sweet talking too? And I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you, Ash," I concurred.

Suddenly, I wasn't in the mood to look for candles or clean up the mess I'd just made. All I wanted to do was ravage my fiancée in the spare bedroom. And that's exactly what I intended to do.

I continued to face her and repositioned my legs so that I was straddling her. I gave her a half smile as I found myself falling in even deeper in love with her again and again. Every time I looked into those eyes. Every time I saw that smile. Every time I heard her singing as she strummed her guitar. It doesn't matter what the trigger was, every one served as a reminder of just how inifinte my love for her is.

"You know what I want to do more than anything?" I asked as I rested my arms on her shoulders.

Ashley gave me a slight nod and pulled me closer so she could reach my lips.

"Yeah, I'm so in the mood to bake some banana bread," I faked before our lips could touch.

"Shut up, sexy. I know you want nothing to do with banana bread. Now stop teasing and start pleasing."

Hungry for the taste of her against my mouth, I crashed my lips against hers. Moments later, I ripped off her shirt and tossed it into the mess I had made. I burried my face in the crook of her neck, breathing in the scent of her as my mouth covered every inch of her it could reach. The purple of her bra was contrasting against her tan skin, drawing my attention there. I had to slow down my pace, because as ravenous as I was for Ashley, my needs would always come second to her pleasure.

With eager fingers, I unclasped her bra and slid the satin straps from her shoulders. Once it had been removed, I lowered her back to the floor. My mouth continued to roam her torso while my hands began to tease her inner thighs. Sweeping kisses from her navel to sternum, I traced my fingers from her knee to her underwear line, stopping short of where she wanted me to touch her. As I reached the valley of her chest, I moved my hands up her hourglass figure to support her firm breasts.

I took my time exploring her body with my mouth as I slowly removed her underwear and tossed it somewhere in the room. Now that there was nothing between us, I slipped two fingers inside of her, causing her to moan. I promptly covered her mouth with my own, giving her a preview of what my tongue was going to be doing to other areas of her body momentarily.

We spent the next hour in the spare bedroom doing everything but looking for those candles. Ashley's suggestion that this would be where sex toys and swings and poles would be located, might have some merit if we keep going at this pace.

Finally, we got dressed and started cleaning the loft. I took a shower while Ashley finished the vaccuuming. When I finished getting ready, Ashley showered and I went out into the kitchen to get everything in order for the barbeque. Ashley returned from her shower looking hotter than one should be allowed to look at a family function, dressed in short demin daisy dukes and a simple turqoise beaded tank top.

"Are you ready for this?" I asked, drawing Ashley into me.

"What? Are we going skydiving?" Ashley feigned her outlandish response.

"Skydiving is probably safer than telling my family we got engaged, so yeah, are you ready to jump out of a plane without a parachute for me?" I joked back.

She laughed and said, "You're making me nervous, Spence and I already told you I don't do nervous!"

Out of habit, I looked down to where the ring should have been on her finger, but saw nothing.

"Why aren't you wearing your ring?" I asked as I held her in my arms.

I hoped the question hadn't come out as possessive, because there was no doubt in my mind that she loved me.

Ashley looked down at her finger where the jewelry in question was absent. She ran her index finger over where the band normally sat, before she offered an explination.

"Because I don't want them to just see it and find out. I want this to be a big deal and us to tell them, together," she said. "Not only that, I wanted to make sure that they are ok with the idea of this before we just spring it on them. I don't want anything to come between us, Spence."

"I highly doubt anyone is going to be looking at your hand that much before we make our announcement," I rationalized.

"I know, I just want to make sure that we do this right. Your family is still adjusting to the fact that we're in love. I mean, your Mom still sounds like she's going to going to burp when she introduces me as your girlfriend," Ashley explained.

"I wouldn't worry about that, Ash. She won't have to call you girlfriend anymore. She won't even have to call you fiancee for long. Soon she's going to have to get used to saying wife," I corrected.

She gave me a soft smile and replied, "I already love the sound of that rolling off your tongue. Actually, I like anything that has to do with your tongue."

With her comment, she leaned in and captured my lips with hers. My doubt and insecurities were starting to fade away as our kisses intensified. In fact, I was so focused on what she was doing to me with her mouth, I thought that round two might be right here on the kitchen counter. Ashley grabbed my butt in her hands and pulled me closer to her. Her hands traveled up my waist, fighting to get my shirt off when the doorbell chimed and broke us from what was sure to be impromptu kitchen counter sex.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," I seethed. "How are they here forty five minutes early?"

I already knew the answer. My parents must have some Spencer is trying to get laid radar. Even as an adult, I couldn't shake them.

"Don't worry, Spence. We'll pick up right where we left off once they leave," she promised with a grin.

I shot her back a smile and replied, "That right there Ashley, is just one of the many many reasons I am so in love with you."

We both headed to the door to greet my parents. Much to my dismay when I opened it, Glen was standing there holding a bottle of Jack Daniels. Of course it was him who was responsible for my lack of sexy time right now.

"You asshole, what are you doing here so early?" I demanded.

"Nice to see you too, Spencer," he said shaking his head and entering the loft.

Ashley pulled him into a hug and they exchanged hellos. I wasn't about to let him off the hook so easily. "Seriously, can't you come back in half an hour?" I asked still hoping it would be possible to feel Ashley's hands back on my body.

"No way. If mom and dad are coming, I'm going to need to get loaded for this," he said making himself at home in the kitchen. Glen began to fix himself a drink as he continued, "What's got your panties all in a bunch?"

"Nothing. That's part of the problem," I admitted.

Ashley smacked me playfully on the arm and explained with a chuckle, "Your sister gets cranky when she's hungry or horny and she can't have what she wants. You better watch out, because right now she's both."

"I really could have done without that information," Glen said following it with a chug of his newly made Jack and Coke.

"Glen, if you're going to stop me from getting action, you're better at least make me a strong drink," I suggested.

Diligently, he set to work like the good little bitch he was. An ice cold Jack and Coke was in my hand a minute later, ready to take the edge of my nerves. Big bro was kind enough to make one for Ashley too. Maybe I had been too hard on him a few moments ago. I smiled at the thought of Ashley and Glen being sister and brother-in law and pulled Glen into a hug.

"Are you off your meds today, Spence?" he asked as he slithered out of my hold.

"Hilarious. I'm sorry for being a bitch earlier. I'm just a little stressed out today," I apologized.

"No worries, baby sis. But there's no need to stress. This place is awesome!" Glen commented, walking through the loft with the drink in his hand.

Ashley, now done mixing the pasta salad, rushed to his side and offered, "Here, come with me and I'll give you the official tour."

They wandered into our bedroom and I started to work on the vegetable tray and making sure everything would be ready to go for when my parents arrived. I know my dad would insist on doing the grilling, which was fine by me. Glen and Ashley were on the tour for a long time, I thought as I finished the vegetable tray. Hopefully, she hadn't picked the wrong Carlin. I shook the rediculous thought from my head and started husking the corn.

Finally, Glen and Ashley emerged from the tour and Glen had already finished his drink. He started pouring another one and couldn't stop looking at me with a goofy smile plastered on his face.

"What are you looking at, ass eyes?" I demanded.

"Nothing. It's just that I can't believe you are like a real adult now. Living with your girlfriend, offering to help to raise an infant and inviting family over for a barbeque. You're so domestic Spencer," he explained.

Normally, this kind of freakshow behavior was common for Glen, but today he seemed particularly strange, even for him.

"I am twenty four years old, and that makes you, old man, twenty six. When are you going to be an adult?" I challenged.

"I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid. You should know that by now Spence," he retorted.

God, such idiocy. It's a good thing it's not contageous. I'd have been one of those bubble children growing up if it was. Hopefully, it wasn't genetic and didn't somehow rear it's ugly head in one of my children someday. I couldn't handle being a mother to a mini-Glen. Now I know why my mom is such a raging nuerotic mess.

"Spence? Are you okay?" Glen asked.

"Huh?" I responded, clearing my head of images of kids in bubbles and me chasing around baby Glens.

"Yeah, um that's what I thought. The doorbell just rang. Are you going to answer it?" he asked.

Where the hell was Ashley? I pushed the thought aside and took a sip of my drink as I walked to the door. I opened the door to find Kyla waiting in a sundress, holding onto a gift bag and a plate of deviled eggs. I took the platter from her hand and led her back into the kitchen where I had the unfortunate pleasure of introducing her to Glen.

"Oh my God Ky! You're getting so big!" I exclaimed and couldn't stop myself from placing my hands on her baby bump. I don't know why it was so shocking. I'd just seen her yesterday, but I was actually starting to get a little excited about this baby thing.

"Ugh, tell me about it. This baby needs to get out of here, now!" she said. "I can't wait to put on my skinny jeans again."

Glen had a perverted smile on his face as he was no doubt, imagining Kyla in tight pants. He was looking at her the way I normally look at Ashley, which was slighty disturbing, since Kyla was one big sneeze away from going into labor.

"Where's my sister?" Kyla asked, absently.

"She's in the spare bedroom. She said something about cleaning up in there," Glen informed us.

My love for Ashley was unstoppable at this point. She wanted to be able to show off our place together and I couldn't contain the smile on my face at all the little things she does to make me happy.

Kyla headed off in the direction of her old room and Glen used it as an opportunity to ask questions, "She's the one with the dead baby-daddy right?"

"Glen, that is so insensitive. Yes, the father died a few months ago," I concurred.

"Sorry. Why didn't you didn't tell me that Ashley's sister was so hot?"

"Are you serious? Do you not see that she is like nine months pregnant? What the hell is wrong with you?" I peppered him with rhetorical questions.

Whatever was wrong with Glen was obviously chronic, since he'd spent all of his life this way.

"No, she is flawless. I don't care if she's pregnant or not, you've gotta help me out on this one. I mean it's like love at first sight, Spence. Even you have to admit the Davies-Carlin combo is pretty un-fucking believable," he declared with a grin.

Glen stirred his drink and I just stared him down, since he actually seemed sincere about this for a change. But isn't it like inscest? He'd end up marrying his sister-in-law or something. Gross.

"And you're ready to have an instant family? I mean she's not just some girl. She's my fia-I mean my girlfriend's sister," I corrected, hoping he didn't notice my slip of tongue. "And she's going to be a mom to a newborn baby soon. I doubt she's really interested in looking for a boyfriend right now. Maybe after the baby gets potty trained in a few years," I said shaking my head.

Glen stared at me and said, "Fine. I'll just do it without your help, then."

Ashley and Kyla returned from the spare bedroom moments later. Ashley had something behind her back and after giving me a coy stare, brought forward the missing candles I had been looking for.

"Ash, you found them!" I exclaimed. She was sooo getting laid tonight. Multiple times.

"Actually, Kyla found them and we packed everything back up, so it's presentable to show your parents," Ashley informed us.

"I love you," I said, taking the candles from her hand and giving her an appreciative kiss.

"I love you too," Ashley murmurred.

"You know what I love?" Glen asked to everyone standing in the kitchen. Before anyone had a chance to respond he looked directly at Kyla and answered his own question with, "Babies! I love babies. And kids. I don't know if Spencer told you, but I'm actually an elementary school gym teacher. So when are you due Kyla?"

"Um, two weeks from tomorrow," Kyla replied with a look of amusement on her face as she tried to figure out if Glen was serious.

Ashley shot me a look because she knew exactly what Glen was up to. I rolled my eyes and luckily the doorbell rang, signaling the arrival of my parents.

I jogged to the table and set the candles in the center, before opening the door for my parents. Dinner went well, except for Glen shamelessly flirting with Kyla the whole meal. She actually seemed to like it, though. It seemed like a horrible idea to me, but I figured it was exactly the kind of drama I'd grown accustomed to since meeting Ashley.

After dinner, I noticed Ashley direct a very strange question to my father. "Arthur, can you take a look at the toilet in the spare bathroom? It's been running a lot when I was in there earlier today and I was wondering if you might know what's wrong with it."

I stopped and flashed Ashley a quick look of confusion. My father was lucky to replace a lightbulb without having to hire a professional. Why the hell was she asking him for plumbing advice? Flattery was one of the weaknesses my father struggled with, especially when it came to Ashley so I shrugged it off and got back to clearing off the table with my mom.

"Sure, Ashley," he responded, rolling up his sleeves as he trailed behind her.

While Ashley and my father were getting thier Super Mario brother on, I was in the kitchen getting desert ready. I wanted to cover the angel food cake I had made with whip cream and raspberries, but couldn't find any raspberries in the refrigerator. Ashley came up behind me and placed a kiss on my shoulder as I continued my search.

"What are you looking for?" she asked.

I moved aside a jar of pickles and replied, "The raspberries. I was going to use them as part of dessert."

"Oh," Ashley mumbled and loosened her arms from me. "I might have eaten them all," she confessed sheepishly.

"Ash, you ate two cartons of raspberries in less than 24 hours?" I asked in disbelief, shutting the refrigerator door behind me.

"You know they are my favorite and they were just so good. I um, I think I am going to go have a little talk with your mom and keep her entertained while you get dessert ready," she said and made her escape out of the kitchen and back into the living room. She thought that she was in trouble for the little raspberry slip up, but what she didn't know is that I half expected her to eat them all and had bought strawberries just in case.

While I was cutting up the strawberries, I noticed she started talking to my mom about decorating and what we should do with the spare bedroom. Of course, Paula thinks she somehow went to design school because of her HGTV obession, so she offered to take a look at the room and give Ashley some suggestions. Paula's style was nothing like Ashley's, but I had to love the fact that Ashley was making such a great effort with my mom. And my mom with Ashley. In fact Paula loved the redecoration topic so much, I only heard every sixth word out of her mouth during desert. It went something like, duvet, shams, sconces, faux-finish and crown molding.

After we finished dessert, Ashley pulled me back into our bedroom, with a quickness I wasn't prepared for. Her face was covered with hesitancy.

"What's up Ash?" I asked, scanning her eyes. I could tell there was something she was trying to hide from me. It made my stomach turn just thinking about it.

"Spencer, I don't know if today is the right time to tell your parents about us being engaged," she said firmly.

She sighed and ran her fingers through my hair, trying already to soothe me. But I could tell there was something wrong and her touch was merely a distraction.

"Did my mom say something to you in the spare bedroom?" I questioned. It was the only thing that could have possibly made sense. I tried giving my mom the benefit of the doubt when it came to her adjusting to my relationship with Ashley, but if she said or did something wrong, I needed to know.

"It's nothing. I want there to be a right moment, and I dunno. I'm just not feeling it right now," she admitted.

My breath caught in my chest as I tried to reason why she would have such a sudden change of heart. It didn't make sense. The words she said to me about wanting to spend the rest of her life with me were only hours old. How could that much have possibly changed so quickly? I felt a twinge of anger rise in my chest, convinced that something happened between her and my mom.

Sensing that I was getting angry and not going to drop the topic, Ashley added, "Don't be mad at Paula. She was great today, Spence."

I managed to let my thoughts get the better of me and stuttered, "Do you...do you not want to marry me?"

My eyes already burned as my emotions pushed my tears forward and began to cloud my vision. I hadn't even heard the words, but just the possibility of them, the possibility that Ashley could take her love away made me weak.

"No, the change in plans has nothing to do with that. I mean, yes of course I want to marry you," she responded shaking her head. Her tone softened and she gave a smile before continuing, "Always, Spence. I have every intention of being your wife and spending the rest of my days trying my hardest not to make this happen."

Referring to my tears, her thumbs stroked the corner of my eyes, where she pushed the tears aside. Then she began kissing me, on my forehead, my cheeks, next to my eyes where my tears had spilled and finally on my mouth. I still tasted the salt of my tears on her lips. In shock, I didn't respond to her touch as I normally did. Ashley sensed my lack of response and held me tighter.

"I do want to tell them more than anything in the world, just not right now. Why don't we invite them out to dinner next weekend for my birthday?" Ashley suggested, the sparks returning to her eyes. She pulled away so she could read my expression before she continued, "Then our families will be able to meet and everyone will be there, including my dad. We can tell them all at the same time. It will be perfect."

I nodded at her rationale and inhaled a shaky breath. I still needed her touch to reassure me that this was all going to be okay, so I snuck my arms under hers and pulled her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around me and began to trace the patterns I had grown accustomed to feeling against my skin. "After your parents leave, I do have something I want to talk to you about, though."

"Ok," I acknowledged, afraid to even think about the possibility of what it might be she wanted to tell me tonight.


	57. Chapter 57: 8

A/N: Last chapter. Hooray! I have a weak spot for the simplicity of coming full circle, so here you go. Thanks to everyone who took the time to write a review or add this story as a favorite/alert and those who stuck with it and read it through til the end. I cannot thank you enough for keeping me motivated and looking past my lack of a beta (and frequent spelling & grammatical errors) to see through to the meaning of the story. I knew that towards the end I was going to write some very unfavorable, albeit necessary, things and everyone's feedback was instrumental in having the story come together better than my little pea brain could have ever done on it's own! Please accept my humblest gratitude since you are the ones who made this story what it is (and I hope that's a compliment-since I mean it to be). Also, I hope that you have enjoyed reading the story as much as I have enjoyed writing it.

Before we left our bedroom, Ashley grabbed my hand and pulled me into her again, as she whispered into my ear, "Spence, there's nothing to worry about. It's all good things for us. Trust me on this one?"

I nodded and my stomach felt like it didn't just explode anymore at her reassuring words. As soon as we exited our bedroom, Ashley invited my family to her birthday dinner next week. My mom had to work, but agreed to go as long as she found someone willing to swap shifts with her. It had been a torturous hour since Ashley told me she wanted to talk to me as while we were forced to sit and make idle chatter with everyone.

Glen stood at the table cleared his throat, allowing for the conversations around him to die down. "I want to thank Ashley and Spencer for inviting me over. It's been a tough few years not being able to be as close to my family as I would have liked. But I have some really exciting news to share with you, tonight. I've been offered a position as an assistant basketball coach at USC, so I will be moving back from San Clemente to Los Angeles after this school year wraps up."

Glen's announcement caused a flurry of excitement and my mom was quick to offer him his old room back if he needed it. After talking about Glen's promising future for the next few minutes, my parents decided to leave on that high note. A few quick goodbyes later, I was relieved when my family and Kyla finally cleared out of the loft, leaving Ashley and me alone. After shutting the door behind Kyla, Ashley wrapped me into her arms, planting kisses on my neck.

"Spence, let's go for a walk on the beach tonight," Ashley suggested.

I nodded, letting her take the lead on this, even though it was killing me not knowing what it was she wanted to tell me. As we drove towards the coast, I watched the sun sink lower into the sky. There wasn't going to be much daylight left, but the drive to the beach only took ten minutes. Silence filled the ride and Ashley finally spoke as she pulled into the parking spot.

"Come on. We don't have much time," she observed as she grabbed ahold of my hand.

We walked hand in hand onto the beach and Ashley was busy kicking at the froth of the tide that crashed to the shore. There was still too much quiet in between us for my liking. Although it was a rarity, I could tell Ashley was nervous. Not wanting to prolong the inevitable, I tried to pry the information from her subtly.

"Are you freaking out because you're going to be twenty five next week?" I prodded.

"A little," she said as she gave me a coy smile. "It's a good thing I have a hot younger lover to keep me feeling spry."

"Oh really? Who is she? I'd like to meet her," I joked.

"Don't be ridiculous, Spence," Ashley chided me anxiously and avoided my glance as she looked out into the ocean. "You know you will always be my hot younger lover."

Now I was really starting to panic. Ashley was never nervous, especially when we got into one of our teasing matches. In response, I was silent until we reached the pier where we stopped being Ashley and Spencer and became us. It's hard to believe that so much time has passed since we first officially got together. There have been so many changes in our lives since that day, but somehow, being here again made it seem like just yesterday. I couldn't help but look at Ashley and think about the evolution of my feelings towards her since that day. I was still captivated by her charm and beauty, but I only had a preview of her soul at that point. Even then, I knew that I wanted to discover every thought, every flaw, every last thing that shaped her into the woman standing before me as if it were my own. Today, I was incredibly lucky to have the possibility to spend the rest of my life trying to do just that.

"What are we doing back here?" I asked.

The sky looked like it had been set on fire at the horizon and I glanced out into the ocean to watch as the colors blended together before they were snuffed out by the impending nightfall. Her words echoed in my ears as she began to answer my question.

"This is where I was completely honest about how I felt about you nine months ago. And I need to be completely honest with you again," she started. "Spence, can you look at me? I have to tell you something important and I need to see you."

Although she had assured me that it was going to be all good things for us, my head was plagued with disastrous thoughts. If this was her breaking up with me, I might just have to jump off this pier. This had officially turned into the worst break-up I'd ever been a part of. And I'd left my ex-boyfriend humiliated in a restaurant as I walked out in shame under the scrutiny of at least fifty people who watched the whole thing, so my threshold is pretty high. Somehow, my fingers did manage to reluctantly obey her command and pushed my sunglasses up into my hair.

"Did you know that I'm kind of an expert on birds?" she quizzed with a cocky smile.

I shook my head 'no' silently to answer her question while simultaneously trying to understand her sudden interest in ornithology. The only time I'd ever seen her use a pair of binoculars was when she thought the neighbors were having sex.

"When I was trying to figure out what to write to you to apologize, all I could think about was how made for each other we were on our first date. When you said you had the hummingbirds, it made perfect sense to me. Because I've had the butterflies before and the way I felt when I'm with you made those butterflies looks like they were only caterpillars. So, I did some research on hummingbirds. I learned a lot more than how many times a hummingbird's heart can beat per minute. Like the fact that no other birds fly like a hummingbird. A hummingbird keeps it's wings extended, moving in a symmetrical figure eight pattern as it hovers," she explained.

At this point in time, it didn't matter if a hummingbird had a wing pattern that looked exactly like Santa Claus. I was completely lost as I tried to figure out the importance of her telling me this. Ashley started laughing, presumably at the look of confusion on my face. She grabbed ahold of my hands, squeezing them in an attempt to restore my confidence in her.

"A figure eight is the symbol of infinity, so a hummingbird is symbolic of eternity," she clarified as she got down on bended knee. "As soon as I learned that, I knew we were meant to be. Spence, my love for you knows no end. No amount of time or space can ever seperate us. I promise I am yours, and yours alone, forever. Marry me and give me the chance to give you the hummingbirds every day for the rest of our lives?"

Ashley pulled from her pocket the seashell from our first meeting here. In between the hinged shells sat a princess cut engagement ring with diamonds wrapped all the way around the band: an eternity band. I realized I had been silent for too long as she was expectantly waiting for my response.

"Yes, of course I'll marry you!" I returned excitedly, finally aware that she was definitely not breaking up with me. Ashley was right. Her and I were always meant to be together and would always be.

The nose crinkling, goose bump creating, hummingbird flapping smile I'd been waiting for all evening was plastered on Ashley's face as she slid the ring onto my waiting hand. She stood and wrapped her arms around my waist, drawing me into her kiss.

"I thought you were going to break up with me," I mumbled, embarrassed for my insecurities.

"Seeing you doubting how I felt for earlier today killed me, Spence. It wasn't worth it. I almost broke down and gave up on my plan about a hundred different times today. But I had already asked for your parents and Glen's permission to marry you. And that was the hard part," Ashley revealed.

"You asked what?" I asked, starting to piece the events of today together.

"You know, I asked for your hand in marriage. Today, when your family came over. I know the reason you invited them over was to announce the engagement. When I found you looking for those freaking candles in the spare bedroom, I realized how important your family is to you. I decided that before we just announced our intentions to spend the rest of our lives together, I had to ask them first. It just seemed like the right thing to do. So I did a horrible job of making up any excuse to get your parents and Glen alone so I could ask. And everyone said yes! Although Glen kept asking me if I was sure I wanted to marry you. Then he told me he wanted to tell everyone about his job, so I decided to wait before we made our announcement, but I couldn't exactly tell you why without completely ruining everything."

Look at my adorable hopeless romantic fiancée and her sneaky little plan to surprise me even though I hate surprises. Although, I had to admit, Ashley is not half bad with her surprises. I was really looking forward to more of them in our future together. Maybe she'd even be able to cure me of my obvious neurosis I'd inherited from my mother.

"Is that why you had my dad look at our toilet?" I stammered.

"Yep. And I was so worried you had me busted the whole time. The toilet wasn't even running and you gave me this look like I just asked him to set my guitar on fire. I was fairly certain you knew," Ashley disclosed. "I'm so sorry that I made you doubt anything, because that couldn't be further from the truth. I know things were difficult for us, but I already lost you once. I am never going to lose you again."

"There's nothing to lose, Ash. Your stuck with me now," I returned. "And when it comes to doubting, I'm sorry I ever let the thought cross my mind."

"It's ok. I know how much you hate surprises, but I figured it was only going to be for a few hours and I promise it will be my last one," Ashley finished her nervous babbling.

"Ash?" I asked before I placed a soft kiss on her lips.

"Yes?" she said.

"I actually like your surprises," I conceded. "And I like it when you get nervous and ramble. I feel like it's a side of you that I only get to see. It's just another way that you make me fall head over heels in love with you."

"Spence, I am so head over heels in love with you, I broke my leg, got a cast, went to physical therapy and still walk with a limp just because it reminds me of you."

"We do have a tuck and roll kind of love, don't we," I admitted with a smile. "But all of that seems a little extreme and not to mention painful. How about if you just kiss me instead?"

Ashley just shrugged, knowing I was right. I was always right, except for all of the times I had been wrong, which were too many to count. "Who am I to argue with that?" she asked rhetorically.

I let my mouth graze hers, before giving into the kind of soft and passionate kisses that sealed our perfect moment. Her tongue playfully traced over my bottom lip before I granted her access to my tongue that was yearning for her. We both pulled each other closer until there was no space to fill and we locked our lips with gentle closed mouth kisses. I rested my forehead against hers and looked into her coffee colored eyes that were shimmering in the fading sunlight.

"Come on, let's go," I commanded, grasping her hand and pulling her with me as I started our decent down the pier.

"Wait, where are we going Spence?" Ashley questioned as she stumbled over the planks to keep up with my speed to get out of here.

"Hmmm. Seattle?" I teased.

"Spence, can you do me a favor and not joke about that yet?" Ashley said catching up to me. "It's still a little too soon."

A throaty laugh slipped from my mouth and I replied, "I'm ok with that," as I drew her near for a kiss. I was still addicted to her and I was long overdue for my next hit.

"Wait, you still never told me where we were going!" Ashley exclaimed after freeing her lips from mine.

"Somewhere private where we can do more of this," I repeated my words from the first time at the pier and pulled her body back into mine so I could kiss her like I meant it as I added, "Like home."


End file.

South of Nowhere