Full Metal Panic 1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **I...I don't even know anymore. I think the point of this exercise is to see how badly I can butcher canon to make a Sousuke/Tessa fic. I actually compiled a list of every point in this fanfic where I outright ignored canon, and it's quite a lengthy list. Anyhow, the title is Latin. Those of you know know Latin should know what happens.

Also, my first attempt at a lemon, so it's probably pretty bad. Hey, everyone's gotta start somewhere! It might toe the line a bit., so please let me know if it actually crosses said line.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Full Metal Panic!_ The series and it's characters are just being used in this twisted product of my imagination. I also don't own _Stargate Atlantis_, which I briefly quote in this story.

* * *

Melissa Mao, callsign Uruz Two, popped open her can of beer and took a deep gulp. Sighing contentedly, she plopped down on the couch and closed her eyes as the alcohol made its way into her bloodstream. She'd taken a second gulp when the door slid open and Kurz casually strolled into the crew lounge, plopping down onto an adjacent couch. Mao spared a glance in his direction before the two settled into a comfortable silence, one that lasted all of thirty seconds.

"So, have you seen Sousuke anywhere?"

Mao didn't even get up from her seat, merely opening her eyelids a crack to look at the blonde sniper. He did have a point, Mao mentally admitted. Barely three hours ago, the entire Uruz squadron had returned from a brutal combat op, the culmination of nearly four months' worth of constant sorties. They had been up to their ears in Amalgam Arm Slaves, including a considerable number of Venoms, and even the Laevatein was hard-pressed to take them on. The debriefing had dragged on forever, ending barely half an hour ago with Kalinin congratulating them on a job well done. Since then, the Laevatein's pilot had seemingly disappeared off the face of the earth.

"Clouseau tells me that Tessa wanted to talk to him in her office."

Mao polished off her beer and crushed the can as Kurz digested the information. His features slowly morphed into a suggestive smirk.

"You know, Sousuke's been spending _a lot_of time with Tessa lately. Do you think…," Kurz trailed off, but the silence spoke volumes.

The two Mithril operatives looked at one another, their eyes wide as possible implications sunk in. Silence reigned in the crew lounge for all of five minutes, shattered only be an escaped giggle. Giggling soon gave way to chuckling, which in turn gave way to full-force, side-splitting, convulsive laughter. Laughter devolved into gasping and wheezing as the two struggled to force air back into their lungs.

"Thank you, Kurz. That was the best laugh I've had in years," Mao choked out, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye.

"Yeah," Kurz gasped in reply, "Like _that_ would ever happen."

* * *

Tessa gasped slightly in surprise as Sousuke sat her down on the nearest object, which happened to be her desk. Her slim arms encircled the pilot's shoulders as he continued his ministrations on her neck. She inhaled sharply as he suckled slightly, making a note to wear her collar a tiny bit higher for the next few days.

"I've missed you," Sousuke murmured.

Tessa only gasped in response as her lover switched his attention to the other side of her neck. The last few months had been hard on them both: with Amalgam once again wrecking havoc, it quickly became impossible for them to sneak off-base and go fishing or to the beach. The frequent sorties rapidly ruled out even sneaking into one another's quarters at night. For the past four months, they barely even passed each other in the halls. This little tryst was not the reunion either of them wanted: that would have to wait until after the obligatory round of debriefings and dinner.

Tessa's mind, and any thoughts of the last four months, quickly blanked out as dexterous fingers unbuttoned her jacket. Shrugging off the suddenly-restricting garment, Tessa's hands attacked Sousuke's SRT uniform. She growled in annoyance at whoever designed the garments before finally giving up and ripped the shirt open, sending buttons flying in every direction. Neither of them wasted time mourning the garment, and it soon joined Tessa's jacket on the floor.

Tessa's fingers moved to her blouse, fumbling to undo all the tiny buttons before a sharp tug by Sousuke rendered the garment unwearable and bombarded the couple with loose buttons. Her skin tingled as she felt a pair of arms snaking their way around her torso, undoing her bra clasp with one quick motion. A few strategic wriggles, with the aid of Sousuke's hands, sent both garments to the floor. Her breath hitched as Sousuke diverted his attention to the newly-exposed skin, trailing kisses down her body, as Tessa bit her lip to stifle a moan.

Her eyes went wide as she felt two calloused hands running up her outer thigh and over the curve of her hips to hook themselves under the waistband of her panties, pulling them off in one fluid motion. She opened her eyes a crack to see Sousuke hitching up her skirt and, with a slight smirk on his face, knelt down between her legs. Her back arched up as an electric jolt travelled up her spine, and she bit down harder on her lip to keep from crying out.

Tessa's breaths came in short bursts as her fingers tangled themselves in Sousuke's hair. She had no clue where Sousuke learned to do anything like _that_, but she certainly wasn't complaining. The muscles in her abdomen coiled up as Sousuke continued his ministrations and she couldn't stop a few stifled cries from escaping. She bit down on her lip hard enough to draw blood: the last thing she needed was security teams busting down her door.

Then as suddenly as he began, Sousuke stopped.

Tessa growled in annoyance before squeaking as her arms were pinned against the desk. She opened her eyes to find Sousuke's face right in front her hers. Any complaints were quickly forgotten as he captured her lips with his. She quickly glanced down, noticing that Sousuke had divested himself of his remaining clothing at some point. Tessa broke their kiss and offered the side of her neck, an offer that Sousuke eagerly took as Tessa whispered into his ear.

"Be gentle. It's been a while."

She wrapped her legs around her lover's waist and pulled him towards her, only to meet resistance. She opened her eyes, sending an annoyed look at Sousuke before she noticed his expression. Any and all annoyance vanished on the spot.

She knew that face, even though she didn't see it very often. She personally called it his "Crap! I'm so fired!" face. The last time he'd worn such an expression was when, in a drunken daze, she'd thrown herself at him on the _Tuatha de Daanan_'s hangar deck. She was absolutely mortified once sobered up, and, judging from the slight twitch below Sousuke's right eye, the current situation was probably several times worse.

She craned her neck to look where Sousuke was staring at. Her open office door didn't scare her nearly as much as the person standing inside the doorframe. She turned a furious shade of red before her brain processed the full implications of what was happening. With a shriek, she buried herself against Sousuke's chest.

"I'm so fired. I'm so fired. I'm so fired," Tessa muttered like a mantra.

* * *

He had arrived on Merida Island base without fanfare, merely flying in on a supply plane. Scheduled inspections were such a bore: everyone acted so rigid and formal around him and absolutely everything was scripted and rehearsed in advance. No, the surprise inspection was where it was at: he came to see personnel bustling around a lived-in military base, not some squeaky-clean museum exhibit. The personnel assigned to unload the transport plane nearly jumped out of their uniforms when he politely requested that they not inform anyone of his presence.

He managed to reach the doors of Captain Testarossa's office after being stopped by patrolling sentries five times. All five sets of sentries nearly passed out when they realized who they had stopped and demanded identification from, only to walk away, relieved, when he laughed, showed his identification, and patted them on the back for doing a good job.

He walked through the empty outer office and pushed open the doors into the inner office: Captain Testarossa's private office. He fully expected to see her sitting at her desk, diligently plowing through whatever paperwork came her way. Needless to say, the sight that greeted Lord Mallory when he walked in gave him pause. Captain Testarossa had her legs wrapped tightly around Sergeant Sagara, who was currently pinning her arms against her desk. He highly doubted he was instructing her in close-quarters self-defense maneuvers, either.

* * *

The mortified couple could only stare wide-eyed as the head of Mithril stood at the door. The two of them began mentally counting down the last seconds of their careers as Lord Mallory drew a deep breath. No doubt he was preparing to deliver a lengthy lecture on how disgraceful and unprofessional their behavior was, and how it broke at least a hundred and one Mithril regulations. Lord Mallory's laughter caught the two of them off-guard.

"Ah, the shamelessness of youth," the old man sighed, "I'll come back after I've seen the rest of the base, then. That gives you about an hour."

Both Tessa and Sousuke could have sworn that they saw Lord Mallory wink at them before he turned around to leave.

* * *

Lord Mallory emerged from the office to come face-to-face with Richard Mardukas, executive officer of the _Tuatha de Daanan_and Captain Testarossa's overprotective father figure. The man held an important-looking sheaf of papers and Mallory knew he had to think fast. Standing just inside the door frame, blocking Mardukas' passage into the office, he put on a friendly smile.

"Ah, Mr. Mardukas! Just the man I wanted to see!"

"With all due respect, sir," the other man replied, "I need to get these requisitions forms signed by the captain as soon as possible."

"The captain is indisposed at the moment," Mallory took the sheaf of papers and skimmed through them, "and she'll probably be unavailable for at least the next hour."

Mallory set the papers down on a nearby table before throwing a friendly arm over Mardukas' shoulder and leading the man down the hallway, "Tell you what, I'll treat you to a drink while you wait."

* * *

A familiar chill passed down Sousuke's spine, the same one he got whenever he narrowly dodged a bullet or Kaname's paper fan. He began to straighten back up when Tessa gripped him tightly with her legs and flipped both of them over before straddling him. For somebody so unathletic, she was surprisingly strong. She leaned forward until she was nearly nose-to-nose with Sousuke.

"I intend to make the most of this hour, Mr. Sagara," Tessa purred.

Sousuke gulped.

* * *

Kurz rubbed his hands together in anticipation as Sousuke walked towards his table. He was going to milk this for all it was worth and then some. He carefully avoided eye contact with Sousuke as the latter sat down across from him and began digging into his dinner.

_So far so good. Don't spook the prey too soon…_

Kurz waited until Sousuke had swallowed his mouthful of peas before making his move. It wouldn't do to have him choke in the middle of questioning. The sniper subtly leaned forward, a sly look on his face. He took the fact that Sousuke did not look up at him as an encouraging sign.

"So, Sousuke, I heard somebody walked in on you and Tessa during one of your 'office meetings,'" Kurz put air quotes around the last part and smirked as Sousuke's gaze suddenly shot up before lowering again.

"I don't know what you're talking about," the Laevatein's pilot replied in a perfectly neutral tone of voice.

The casual brushing-off of his question stunned Kurz for a moment, but before long, he launched a renewed offensive. He was _not _going to let this opportunity slip through his fingers.

"The news is all over the base! At least tell us if the rumors are true!"

"I highly recommend we find another topic of discussion."

"C'mon, Sousuke! The XO hit the roof when he heard! It took five of us to keep him from hunting you down! You can't leave us hanging like this!"

"I have nothing more to say to you," Sousuke uneasily interrupted.

"You can't do this to us, Sousuke! The guys are dying to know!" Kurz whined.

"Kurz…"

"How long has this been going on?"

"Kurz…"

"Do the two of you have a future, or is it just for the…"

"Kurz!"

"Really though, how's our adorable little captain in bed? Just think of it as one of those TAC-EVALS…"

"Shut up, Kurz!" Sousuke whispered harshly.

That was about when Kurz finally realized that Sousuke was not looking directly at him, but over his shoulder. Every nerve in his body screamed for him to take cover or just run away. Slowly, he turned his head around as a deadly calm voice came from behind him.

"I fail to see how any of that concerns you, Mr. Weber."

Kurz could now see a neat braid of ash blonde hair just inside his peripheral vision. He barely had time to yelp before a small, but surprisingly strong, hand settled on the back of his head and shoved him face-first into his bowl of mashed potatoes.

* * *

**A/N:** Those of you who read my other _FMP! _fanfic might recognize a few running gags, and I did also reference one, relatively obscure, Internet meme. That's pretty much it for references. Stay tuned for an epilogue coming later today!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Full Metal Panic__!_. Nor do I own _Battlestar Galactica_, which is referenced here. These series and their characters are just being used in this twisted product of my imagination.

* * *

At the current hour of nearly one in the morning, the normally-bustling Merida Island base was virtually deserted, with only a handful of sentries roaming the halls, many of them constantly checking their watches as they awaited the end of their shifts. That suited the three trench coat-clad figures currently making their way into the captain's office just fine. Things would get very complicated very quickly if their presence were discovered.

Upon entering the captain's office, the shortest of the three immediately made his way towards the sole painting in the room. He sighed as he pulled if off the wall, exposing the safe underneath: these Mithril types were _so_ predictable. He quickly inspected the safe via flashlight: a key and a rather lengthy combination were required to open it. Sighing once again, he waved over one of his companions.

The second figure approached the closed safe in utter silence, stopping just in front of it as if inspecting it for itself. Grasping the handle and bracing itself, the first figure merely gave it a nod. With a sharp squeal of overburdened metal, the door was pried from the frame.

_So much for subtlety. Better work fast._

The shorter figure expertly rummaged through the safe, clamping the small flashlight between his teeth. The contents were what one would expect in the captain's safe: classified documents, mostly pertaining to top-priority standing orders, but also lists of Mithril operatives and contacts throughout the region. A small white binder tucked between two thick folders of deployment orders caught the man's eye.

Setting down the documents, he plucked the binder from its place and quickly leafed through the first few pages. He was expecting a number of things, but definitely not photographs. He only recognized two of the faces: the first was the captain of the _Tuatha de Daanan_, Captain Teletha "Tessa" Testarossa, and the second was the pilot of that accursed Laevatein, Sergeant Sousuke Sagara. The two appeared in next to every picture, sometimes alone, sometimes together, and sometimes surrounded by others in formalwear. It struck him as odd that Tessa was the only woman in the entire album wearing a white dress...

_Wait a minute…_

He slammed the binder shut, shining the flashlight on the cover. The cover itself was little more than a sheet of paper with two words, set in a rather fancy font, centered on it. Those two simple words were enough to cause the normally-calm Leonard Testarossa to see red. The secrets of Mithril could wait: he had a sergeant to kill.

* * *

Both Tessa and Sousuke awoke to the sound of crumpling metal as something broke down the door to their shared quarters. Before the three figures could step inside, Sousuke already whirled into action, slamming the top of the nightstand. His blow distorted the tabletop just enough to allow a spring-loaded compartment to slide out, revealing a Mithril-issue handgun. Quickly blinking the sleep from his eyes, he aimed at one of the larger shadows and emptied half a clip into it. He was quite surprised as the bullets harmlessly bounced off their target. Before he could empty the rest of the clip, the lights flickered on, blinding him.

The figure closed the distance between it and Sousuke with surprising speed as the latter adjusted to the suddenly-increased light levels. It gripped the sergeant around the neck and hoisted him into the air. Sousuke struggled against it, but his blows were met with cold metal.

Tessa blinked rapidly to clear her vision and gasped as the shortest figure's features finally came into focus. To say they were familiar would be an understatement: estranged as they were, she still knew her own brother. If it weren't for the hair, however, she doubted she would have recognized him in his current state: his face was twisted into an expression of rage, and, if the white binder he was holding was any indication, she had a very good guess as to who the rage was directed against.

_I was_ really _hoping he wouldn't find that…_

The fact that her brother had gained access to other classified documents alongside that binder was lost to her. Though part of her questioned just how he gained access of the base and her safe, her priority at the moment was to stop him from killing Sousuke.

"Alastor! Dispose of Sousuke Sagara through method A-1!"

"By your command."

Sousuke struggled for breath as the miniature Arm Slave's grip slowly tightened around his throat. He gripped the thing's fingers in a futile effort to break loose as his tortured lungs struggled to draw breath. Spots began dancing in front of his eyes.

"Stop it, Leonard!"

Tessa tugged desperately at her brother's trench coat. He spared her a glance, eyes softening for only a split second before hardening again. What little remained of the big brother in him briefly considered sparing the sergeant's life: the younger Testarossa seemed on the verge of tears already. But one glance at her sleepwear, little more than an unbuttoned blouse thrown over her undergarments, enraged him even more. That Sagara was going to _die_.

"Alastor! Continue with method A-1! Make doubly sure!"

_"Leonard!"_

The rage suddenly melted off Leonard's face, replaced by a look of pure fear. "Crap! I'm so dead!" was etched in every bit of his expression as he began to dive under the bed. Tessa tilted her head slightly, wondering just what could scare Leonard that badly, when a hand caught the elder Testarossa in mid-dive and yanked him backwards. A solid _thwack_ echoed throughout Merida Island.

"Kaname-chan?"

"Tessa! It's been too long!"

Kaname stepped over the crumpled form of Leonard Testarossa to hug the _Tuatha de Daanan_'s captain. The Alastor currently strangling Sousuke froze, turning its optical sensors towards the new arrival, now chatting animatedly with Tessa.

"So, what's got the idiot over here," Kaname motioned towards Leonard, "so worked up?"

Tessa said nothing, merely picking the binder off the floor and handing it to Kaname. The taller girl took it and flipped it over, reading the two little words that caused so much trouble: _Wedding Pictures_. Kaname sighed.

"Yeah, I was_ really_ hoping he wouldn't find this," the two of them remarked at the same time.

"You guys got this place rebuilt pretty quickly," Kaname observed, finally taking in her surroundings.

Tessa shrugged in response.

"Turns out this place was insured for triple the cost of building it. When the check finally came in, rebuilding it was easy."

By now, Leonard had recovered from the initial blow and was desperately trying to crawl away, preferring capture by Mithril to anything that woman would do to him. He was already halfway out the door when a hand grabbed the back of his collar and dragged him back inside.

"Alastors, save me," he whimpered.

The two Alastors immediately turned towards Kaname, currently holding Leonard aloft by the collar of his trench coat. The green lights on their heads blinked rapidly as they scanned her.

"Analyzing threat. Name: Kaname Chidori. Age: 25. Height: 165 centimeters. Weight…," the first Alastor was interrupted by a fist crashing into its face, lifting the Arm Slave off its feet and sending it flying into the opposite wall.

"Protection: Jindai Municipal High School uniform. Armament: paper fan," continued the second Arm Slave, seemingly oblivious to its companion's fate, "Threat level: _EXTREME_. Recommended course of action: abort mission and retreat."

The Alastor released its grip around Sousuke's neck and slowly backed out of the room. The Mithril operative gasped as oxygen finally reached his lungs, and Tessa was by his side in a heartbeat.

"Traitor," Leonard growled towards the Alastor.

Kaname was not letting the Arm Slave off easy: a thrown paper fan sent it sprawling on the ground. Leonard whimpered as she produced a second paper fan and advanced towards him.

"You are hopeless, Leonard! Hopeless!" ranted Kaname, emphasizing each word with a blow of her paper fan, "Six months! Six! Months! That's how long it took me to straighten out Sousuke! When I first met him, he behaved as if he were in an anime or something! Now, he actually acts normally some of the time!"

Kaname paused for a second to catch her breath before launching back into her rant.

"You," she jabbed a finger between Leonard's eyes for emphasis, "have only gotten worse! You can't just set your Arm Slaves on people! You are not some character in a badly-written fanfiction!"

Leonard was reduced to a nervous wreck by now, throwing up his arms in a futile attempt to ward off additional blows of the paper fan. He managed a sigh of relief as Kaname turned towards Sousuke, now back on his feet, and tossed him a small package.

"I thought I might as well give these to you since I'm already here. The two of you are too young for children, and, quite frankly, Sousuke, the thought of you raising kids _still_ scares me."

Tessa and Sousuke raised questioning eyebrows at Kaname before glancing down at the package. Tessa turned a furious shade of red and buried her face in her hands. Sousuke, on the other hand, looked as if he had just discovered some profound universal truth.

"You mean these things _aren't_ just emergency water containers?"

* * *

The security personnel rushing towards the source of the shouting suddenly stopped dead in their tracks and parted down the middle as an irate Kaname stomped through. Many alternated between immortalizing the image before them in their memories and wishing they had a camera on hand. The blue-haired woman paid them no mind as she held a whimpering Leonard Testarossa by the back of his collar in one hand and two heavily-dented Alastors in the other.

"But, but he…he…," Leonard finally summoned the courage to stammer out.

"Just shut up!" Kaname roared, quickly banishing any and all of Leonard's newfound courage, "You're already sleeping on the couch straight through next year!"

* * *

**A/N:** I might do a brief followup one-shot, because writing Leonard as a homicidally-protective older brother is _way_ too much fun. My outline for this currently involves a baby shower invitation, an undercover vacation to Tokyo, and a five-way Arm Slave battle.


End file.

Full Metal Panic, Humor, Romance