Full Metal Panic 1. Word of the Day

**Dazed and Confused**

**Chapter 1**

I took a deep breath, cracking my knuckles systematically and closing my eyes for a moment. Under extreme situations, especially when anxiety is prominent, it is best to remain calm at all costs. Failure to do so could result in injury and sometimes death.

Remain calm.

Remain calm.

When I sensed my pulse slowing back to a normal rate, I open my eyes and fixed a look of determination and relentlessness upon my target. Unfortunately, intimidation seemed to have no effect on the old red leather-bound book in front of me. With a sigh, I settled into my chair and heaved the book open, thumbing through the yellowed pages in search of one particular paragraph.

It had taken weeks to get myself here, in the library, at this table, with this book. The idea had occurred to me a while back while in a movie theater. A specific scene seemed to strike a chord with me, and since then I couldn't get the possibility out of my head. Yet uncertainty, no, fear, had kept me from seeking answers. What if my hypothesis was right? What if I did have such a condition?

I swallowed, clearing my thoughts. In battle there is no room for what-ifs. You must simply act. Any and all knowledge is useful, even if it is distressing or unsettling. Problems cannot be fixed until one is made aware of them.

I wiped my sweaty palms on the front of my pants and took one more deep breath before flipping the page. Slowly, I ran my finger down one of the columns until I found what I was looking for.

There, in bold print. I read slowly and carefully, I did not want to misunderstand.

Was I?

Was I?

I was.

I was in love with Kaname.

I stared blankly at the page in front of me for a long time, until the words blurred together and the shock subsided from my body. I waited a beat before re-reading the entry, checking each point one by one.

**Love**

n.

1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

After holding the page with one finger and looking up 'ineffable' just to be sure, I nodded affirmative. Yes, I did have strong and delicate feelings for Kaname, to an extent that I couldn't even begin to express… to the extent that I had to look them up in the dictionary. Yes, it came from friendship: close, stalker-esque friendship. I certainly recognized her attractive qualities. She has many visually aesthetic attributes, such as her long hair, her large eyes, her large…

Yes, when I was with Kaname, I did feel that we understood each other, that sometimes we did not need to speak to get our point across, even that sometimes it was better if we did not speak. I felt we were on the same playing field, I felt connected with her in a way that was foreign to me until I was assigned to protect her. I… suppose you could call that 'oneness.'

I took out a sheet of white-lined paper and made 2 columns. One I labeled 'yes,' and one I labeled 'no.' With grim resolution I placed one tally under the 'yes' column. Then, I looked back to the dictionary with renewed interest.

2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.

Best to not break into a sweat over a line of printed words when I can run laps around the school and remain dry. I swallowed gently. Be honest. Be honest. Although I did not understand completely the nature of my impulses, I was not so ignorant or so naïve as to think I had no physical preferences for Kaname. These feelings would often flare up without warning, if the wind blew through her hair or she laughed in a certain way or even, strangely, when she was weak or vulnerable. Perhaps that was merely my protective instincts rising up, but I suspected there was something more going on. Then, of course, there were predictable instances such as when she was dressed up or dressed… down, or when I walked in on her when…

I shook my head. There were more than enough examples to warrant another check under the 'yes' column.

I skipped number three, as it was merely a more graphic description of number two, which certainly didn't need any reinforcing.

4. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.

I checked 'yes' after little thought about this point, even though I would never classify Kaname as a pet or an object. She was a person, a very unique person, but one that, I had admitted to myself long ago, I cherished and valued above all others. As troublesome as it was to me, 'intense emotional attachment' was probably a fair description of my feelings.

I skipped a few more lines that were redundant. Then, I came upon the line that threatened me most, the words that had kept me from completing this research for so long.

7. To thrive on; need.

"Sousuke!"

I bolted upright in my chair, slamming the dictionary shut and shoving my tally sheet underneath it, my heart careening against my ribcage as Kaname approached, intensely afraid that she might discover my… condition. We'll just call it a condition, for now.

"Miss Chidori," I acknowledged, standing from my seat, proud that my voice was level and normal.

Kaname rolled her eyes with a laugh, placing her hands on her hips. "Sousuke, you don't need to stand up every time I enter the room," she said, offering me a pitying smile. "You're so old-fashioned, you know that?"

_But Kaname, everyone should stand up for you, everyone should show you respect, always._

I was careful to keep my stoic expression in place. "My apologies, Miss Chidori. I am still unaccustomed to the casualness with which women and superiors are treated in every day life."

Shaking her head, Kaname flopped down into the chair next to mine, and I also sat back down, though still remaining alert.

Leaning her elbows on the table, Kaname quirked an eyebrow at my choice of reading. "Only you, Sousuke, would spend your afternoons with the Merriam-Webster."

_I would have to agree with you, Kaname. Only I would study the dictionary instead of spending time with the girl I… I…_

"I find it fascinating, actually, Miss Chidori."

_Love?_

Kaname groaned. "You really need to get out more."

We both looked up when an over-enthusiastic Kyouko approached the table, bright orange fliers in hand. "Kaname!" She grinned, pulling up a third chair. I sighed, realizing that my quest for information would have to be set aside for the time being.

Kaname perked up, recrossing her legs. "What is it, Kyouko?"

Thrusting the fliers across the table, Kyouko smiled. "Hayashimizu asked me to give these to you when he saw me in the hallway. They're fliers for the senior semi-formal!"

Kaname seemed irritated, but accepted the fliers. "Great," she muttered. "Just one more thing to worry about. I'm guessing he wants me to distribute these?"

"Yep," Kyouko confirmed, nodding and clasping her hands in front of her. "Aren't you excited? It's the last big event before we graduate! And everyone gets to dress up…"

Kaname studied the fliers for a moment before slamming them down on the table with a frustrated exhalation. "Oh please, you've got to be kidding me! The dance is in two weeks? What is he thinking letting people know so late!"

I entered the conversation hesitantly. "Excuse me, but is two weeks not a long time? It seems an adequate preparation period to me…"

"Oh no, Sousuke," Kyouko insisted, shaking her head. "Girls need to find a dress, make a hair appointment…"

Kaname added to the list, "Get our nails done, buy shoes, figure our makeup out, find a matching hand-bag…"

Kyouko smiled mischievously. "Find a date…"

Ah, girls did seem rather uptight about that. "Well, two weeks should not be an issue, there," I said firmly. "In such a situation, it is important to notify the best potential ally of your proposition early before they are requested by another faction. So really, two weeks …"

"Sousuke," Kaname said exasperatedly. "Sometimes it takes a while to work up the guts to ask someone."

"If I may say so, Miss Chidori," I replied, "that seems very foolish. Matters one considers serious should be dealt with immediately." Wait, who am I kidding? How long did I put off looking up this love thing, again?

"Is that so?" Kaname asked craftily. Whenever she used that tone it made me nervous. "So is it safe to assume that if there were anyone you wanted to ask, you'd ask them right away?"

Again, I speak without forethought. "Yes," I said with a decisive nod. Whaaat? I swear, the connection between my brain and mouth has been very unreliable lately. "Undoubtedly."

Kaname looked at me pointedly, raising both eyebrows. What was that for? Wait, what had she tricked me into? I clapped my hands down over the dictionary. Was she catching on? Did she know about my condition? Did she know that if I were to ask anyone, it would certainly be her? Was she expecting me to ask her here? I don't even know _how_ to dance! I opened and closed my mouth a few times, trying to think of something to say, but to no avail.

Apparently I faltered for too long, because Kaname stood up with a sigh, gathering her things. "You're hopeless, Sousuke. It's getting late, I better get home."

I stood up with her, still trying to think of something to say.

_Kaname, excuse me, but I think I may have fallen in love with you. It's caught me a little off guard, and I am having a difficult time stringing words together. Anyway, would you like to find a dark corner somewhere? A park bench? Your apartment? Or hey, would you like to go to the semi-formal with me?_

"I'll walk you home," I offered, picking my own bag up off the floor beside my chair.

Kaname waved me away, motioning for her friend to follow as she turned to exit the library. "Nah, it's Friday; Kyouko is sleeping over, so she'll walk with me. We'll be fine."

_Whatever you say, I'm just going to follow you in the shadows, anyway._

"Of course." I nodded.

I remained standing until the girls left the library, then quickly snatched the paper out from underneath the dictionary, scanning its contents one last time. Then I carefully tore the paper up into tiny pieces, throwing half into the recycle bin and half out the nearby window, suppressing the urge to just swallow them. I had been making a sincere effort to assimilate into Kaname's local environment, and I had learned early on that swallowing evidence was not considered normal.

Whether the paper was scattered across the world or swallowed by a whale, its message was burned into my mind, an affirmation of my inevitable fate.

Was I in love with Kaname?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

I returned the dictionary to its place on the shelves mechanically and slung my messenger bag over my shoulder, pushing in my chair. Now that I had this information, I was at a complete loss about what I should do. Was this good news? Bad news? Should I be nurturing it or trying to find a cure? Was it permanent? Would it get in the way of my protecting Kaname? Should I tell her? What would she think? What did people in love _do?_ I decided to think about this on the way home. I would have to catch up with the girls; I didn't like the idea of them walking through the streets unescorted.

When I was sure the girls were safely secure in Kaname's apartment and unaware that I had followed them, I slouched back against the exterior wall of Kaname's building, glancing out at the sun setting over the city. It reminded me of the scene in the film that had started this whole crazy investigation. It was between a soldier and his supposed girlfriend. They were standing on a hill against the sunset, like in so many other poorly made military films I had seen in my short stay in Tokyo. The woman was afraid of what could happen to the man at war, and the man proceeded to detail a list of risks he would take in order to ensure that he returned to his girlfriend.

I found the list to be ordinary, life-threatening things. I glanced quickly at Kaname to see if she was equally unimpressed by the soldier's promises, but her eyes had a particular sparkle in them, and she appeared every bit enamored by the soldier's speech.

Confused, I elbowed Kaname and asked her if those things weren't tasks one would undertake for any of their friends, and she harshly replied in the negative and told me that clearly the soldier was in love with the woman.

That remark made me think. The more I turned the idea over in my mind, the more I realized that I would do anything on that list and worse to keep Kaname safe. The thought occurred to me that that could be just because it was my mission as part of Mithril and Kaname's bodyguard. It didn't take me long to cast that rationalization aside, however.

I had consistently disobeyed Mithril orders to keep Kaname safe, and I knew that even if it ceased to be a military priority to keep her protected, I would still make it a personal priority. Was that because, as Kaname said, I was in love?

Now I knew that was indeed the reason.

I was about to consider a plan of action when I heard a rather sinister snicker and turned to see a man in black standing a few feet away, wearing a pretty conspicuous skeleton mask.

I must have made a very strange face. I was used to hunting down suspicious people, but it was rare I saw someone _so_ suspicious. I reached my hand to my pocket, where a handgun was safely stashed. "Excuse me," I announced. "Why are you-"

But before I could finish, the figure turned on its heel and ran down an alleyway. I was quick to pursue, but when I rounded the corner I saw no one. I pulled out my gun and looked in every doorway, fire escape, dumpster, and windowsill until I reached a dead end… nothing. I didn't even see any footprints. Cautiously, I made my way back out of the alleyway and retuned to Kaname's building. She would have to be warned that such a suspicious character was lurking about her proximity. It was too much to think that it was a coincidence; whoever this creep was obviously wanted something from her.

Taking the stairs two at a time, I arrived at Kaname's door shortly and knocked several times. There was no answer. I could hear the redundant bass of one of the pop songs Kaname adored blaring within; it was likely she could not hear me over the din. Growing anxious, I tried again, harder this time.

Nothing.

_Damn it, Kaname, let me in. There's a weirdo out to get you, and frankly I'd like to ask you to the dance before some guy with a skeleton mask does._

"Miss Chidori," I shouted through the door. "It is extremely important that you allow me to enter."

Still, no answer. After pounding as hard as I could without breaking the door down, shouting at the top of my lungs, and firing a warning shot got me nowhere, I braced myself. This was for Kaname's safety, after all. Getting a running start from the opposite end of the hallway, I assaulted the door, sending it flying open from the force of my shoulder.

I landed with a well-executed roll in Kaname's living room, scrambling to my feet to see Kaname and Kyouko in their panties and nightshirts that reached barely below their backsides, dancing about and singing into the handles of their hairbrushes. Upon spotting me they stopped, and Kaname assumed what appeared to be a battle stance.

"Sousuke!" She shouted, and I backed up a few steps, hands in the air.

"Before you misunderstand, Miss Chidori…" I began, but I don't think she heard me over her own shouting.

"It's called knocking!" Her anger was impressive, one of my favorite things about her, actually. Not that she got mad at me so much, but that she was not afraid to get angry. That's something that's very rare in women around here, it seems, and to me it is admirable.

"Forgive me, I did knock," I continued in a calm tone. "I can only assume you were unable to hear me because of the volume of the music. The important thing is that there's a man in a skeleton mask outside-"

I was cut off when Kaname's hairbrush collided with my forehead. That smarted just a little. I had to hand it to Kaname, she had good aim.

"Get out, get out!" She gesticulated wildly at the doorway with one hand, while pushing me along with the other. "This is a _girls'_ sleepover!"

"But Miss Chidori-"

"Don't 'Miss Chidori' me, you nutcase!"

"But the man with the skeleton mask-"

"-is not as threatening as you are!"

"But-"

"Have a nice weekend!"

With that I was thrown out into the hallway, the door slammed in my face. For a moment I just stared at it, debating whether to reenter or not. In the end, I chose instead to slide down the wall and take a seat on the floor, my handgun at the ready. Chidori works hard during the week; she deserved to have fun with her friend, and I could protect her near the entrance and be here in case she needed me. Granted, the cold tile floor was not very comfortable, but I'd been in far less pleasant situations before and made it out satisfactorily.

The stereo that Kyouko had turned off upon seeing me in the room resumed its blaring, this time playing a particularly irritating song with extremely fast, high vocals and questionable lyrics. The only good such an annoying song could do is distract my thoughts from their tendency to dwell on the glimpse I had of Kaname less than fully-dressed.

Ah, what I do in the name of duty.

Or, should I say, in the name of love?

This is going to take some getting used to.

A/N

I'm new to the fandom, so any comments or notes of constructive criticism are greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has fun with my story, thanks for reading it!


	2. Pssssst

****

Dazed and Confused Chapter 2

I rolled my shoulders gently, finding it more difficult than usual to focus in calculus class due to the kinks in all of my muscles. I had been too worried the previous night to go home or fall asleep in the hallway, so I had been crouched there until morning, when Kaname found me and shooed me away. Now I was trying desperately to stay awake and pay attention in class, but I found my thoughts straying more than I could control.

I was still trying to avoid thinking about that last bit of the definition I looked up, but the words kept popping into my head. I heard them in random bits of conversation between my classmates, they rolled around in my head like marbles, and once I looked up and swore I saw them scrawled on the chalkboard, at least until I squinted and the letters rearranged themselves into their original integral equations.

Still…

7. To thrive on; need.

I scowled, frustrated with my inability to dismiss those four, irritating words. Did they really apply to me? It was always dangerous to have more requirements to function than necessary. Did that make Kaname a liability? Well, of course she was, the very nature of my assignment to protect her made her a liability, but was she even more of one than I had originally expected?

I tried to think of something else, and then just as I was starting on a mental inventory of my personal arsenal, my eyes strayed to the note sheet of the girl sitting next to me. This reminded me of my current location, and was about to resume taking my own notes when I saw a strange symbol in the corner of her paper. It was a little heart, with letters in the middle. The most peculiar thing about this was that the letters were arranged like an elementary math equation.

"SS plus KN equals TL…" I mumbled, realizing I'd done that aloud only when the girl squeaked and clapped her hands down over the symbol. I glanced up apologetically and noticed she was dramatically flushed. Well, that couldn't be healthy.

"Kazuki…" I whispered, glad not to be noticed by the teacher. Kazuki… I'm pretty sure that was her name. "Are you alright?"

Her eyes widened, and she got even more red, if that were possible. She glanced to the front of the room briefly before turning back to me hesitantly. "Sousuke, we've been sitting next to each other all year…" her voice lowered, "you can call me Naoko."

__

Riiiiiiight. And then you can pilot my M9 and we'll all go out for ice cream.

I nodded. "Of course, Kazuki."

She seemed confused, especially when I asked "Kazuki, if you don't mind my asking, what were you doodling on your notes? Was it something the professor said? I must have missed it."

Her gaze turned incredulous, much to my bafflement. Was I saying something strange? I thought she was being the strange one. She didn't say anything for a few moments, then seemed to come to some mental conclusion. She moved her hands from the paper slowly, sliding to the edge of her desk so I could see better.

It was just as puzzling as it was before. Maybe it meant something if you looked closer. I leaned across the aisle to her desk, furrowing my brows in thought.

"Mr. Sagara!"

I quickly sat up straight, folding my hands on my desk dutifully. "Yes! Sir!"

"Something exciting going on at Miss Kazuki's desk?"

"Actually," I nodded slightly. "I think I may have a hole in my notes, sir. Could you please explain the variables S, K, N, T, and L again? I am only accustomed to x, y, and occasionally n on a normal basis, although I have used others under particular circumstances."

The professor fixed me with a quizzical stare. "S? K? What are you talking about? We're doing integrals, Mr. Sagara, integrals. Functions. F."

I was at a loss, more confused than ever. Where was she getting those variables from? And what was the heart about? Was it some kind of ven diagram? I faltered when the majority of the class turned to look at me. Was Kazuki the only one who knew what the variables meant? I noticed that Kaname had not moved from her position in her chair, leaning on one elbow. She didn't seem surprised by my question, maybe she could answer it later.

I shrugged slightly. "Of course, F, professor. I understand now. Please excuse my question."

The professor shook his head and returned to his place at the board. I sighed and relaxed into my chair slightly, my eyes flickering back to Kaname, who was focused as usual, rapidly scribbling in her notepad. Her hair fell over one of her shoulders, and the light from the window next to her made it shimmer when she moved her head, it was like -

"Pssst! Pssst!"

It was Kazuki, trying to get my attention. I didn't really feel like interacting with her, she was confusing me, and Kaname was, well she was beautiful. Spending calculus just looking at her was a very pleasant thing to do.

Overall, I wasn't sure how I felt about this being in love thing, but I will admit that if I had to be in love with someone, I would want it to be Kaname, she seemed like an ideal candidate. She had paused in her note taking to straighten her socks, as they were sliding down those smooth calves that-

"Pssst! Pssst!"

__

Oh, shut up!

I tried not to pay attention to Kazuki, rather absorbed with the way Kaname's slender fingers tugged at her socks, the way she-

"Sousuke!"

__

Cut it out!

I turned to Kazuki, fixing her with a blank, neutral stare. I was good at that.

"Yes, Kazuki?"

But she didn't even say anything, she just smiled and giggled, turning back to face front.

__

Hey, excuse me, you interrupted my Kaname watching time. You can't just giggle. Say something important.

"Kazuki," I said evenly, "what is it?"

My inquiry was met only with more giggles. This kind of behavior truly perplexed me. It is dangerous to call someone's attention if that attention is not required. Not only does it disrupt that person from executing whatever their current maneuver was, it also breaks trust among ranks, and your requests might be ignored in the future. Which was my plan should I be psssted again at any point in the period.

Although really that had nothing to do with danger and everything to do with the fact that Kaname was now smiling at something Kyouko had whispered to her. My annoyance with Kazuki was forgotten immediately, and I felt some of the tension slip from my shoulders. Kaname's smile was very powerful. The simple way her lips turned up at the corners and the light in her eyes got just a little brighter always set me at ease, even if I was the brunt of her teasing… which was most of the time.

Well, now that I think of it, it was very rarely that Kaname ever smiled because of something I said unless I said something abnormal or moronic that made her laugh. This troubled me, as I really never said things like that on purpose, and would much rather have the ability to make Kaname smile voluntarily. I wish I knew what to say. I wonder if there was somewhere I could find out, or if it were really a trial-and-error kind of thing. Maybe I should keep logs. But, wouldn't she notice that? Maybe mental logs later transcribed…

A student entered the classroom and handed the teacher a slip of paper, which he then read to himself and looked up.

"Miss Chidori, your guidance counselor would like to see you."

I cocked my head slightly, always suspicious when Kaname was called out of class. Maybe it was the guidance counselor, or _maybe_ it was a slave trader from the black market specializing in cute girls with unnatural psychic abilities. I watched closely as Kaname gathered her things and left the room. She didn't seem unsettled at all. I turned to the clock, impatiently waiting a good minute before straightening in my seat and-

"Psssst!"

I exhaled slowly. No need to get mad. She was just doing that thing that girls do. Normal girl protocol. She wasn't trying to delay my pursuit of Kaname on purpose.

"Pssst!"

I snapped, turning abruptly and fixing Kazuki with a cold, hard glare, much more intense than I intended for she visibly cowered. I sighed, but didn't bother wasting time feeling sorry. I turned back to the front and raised my hand, quickly requesting lavatory privileges.

Upon being granted such, I hurried from the classroom and towards the guidance office breaking the "no running" rule by a long shot. Finally, I flung open the office door, casting around for any villains.

I was met with only the startled looks of the secretaries, and I quickly realized how, well, ridiculous I must look, poised in a defensive stance, panting, looking around like a fugitive. I quickly shrugged with a smile, whistling a little as I meandered over to a display on top of a bookcase.

I still felt the eyes of all the women in the room on me, and shuffled my feet a bit. Finally I turned to the nearest secretary and said "ah, excuse my abrupt intrusion, Ma'am. I just heard about this new display and rushed to see it. Really hits home, you know?"

The woman squinted at me, her gaze slowly moving from myself to the display, then looking back and blinking.

I smiled nervously… what was that look about? Didn't they want students to show an interest in guidance affairs? Careers and the like? "That is," I coughed, "I mean I can really relate. It's a fascinating topic…" I turned back to the display, finally taking the time to read the header.

DEALING WITH HOMOSEXUALITY. ARE YOU GAY? IT'S OKAY!

I stepped back quickly. "Ah… I have this friend, I mean… he is… and I… no, not I… I mean not with him… I mean…"

"Sousuke?"

Ah, saved by Kaname. I could just kiss her.

Hee hee….

She had just emerged from her counselor's office, and seemed surprised to see me. I don't understand that, to be honest. When was the last time I _wasn't_ a step behind her? She smiled curiously at me, and my thoughts stopped. Okay, maybe repetition doesn't always kill surpris. She could smile at me a million times and I don't think my reaction would ever be less vibrant.

"Good afternoon, Miss Chidori, funny seeing you here."

"Yeah…" she said slowly, glancing at the display. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"Yes!" I nearly shouted.

__

So many things! Maybe if I tell you then this whole love thing will stop festering, stop weighing me down, stop making me feel like the whole world is electrified, stop making me hope for you to look in my direction and then wish you'll look away because maybe you'll know… also, did you know a masked figure was-

Her eyes widened, and she leaned closer. My jaw tensed. Maybe I really should tell her, because this constant sensory overload was really taking it's toll on my body. When she spoke her breath puffed against my face and the way her voice was so low, like I whisper, I thought I was going to-

"Really?"

"Uh… what?" I looked back at the display. "Oh! No! Nothing like that."

That was the last thing I needed. In fact, that was the complete opposite of what I needed her to think.

She laughed, but she seemed almost relieved. Shaking her head, she left the office, and I trailed behind her. I was kind of expecting her to tell me why she'd been called out of class once we got out into the hall, but we walked quite a ways and she said nothing.

Eventually I cleared my throat, quickening my stride to walk next to her. "So… what was that about?"

"Nothing that would worry you," she said absently.

"Are you sure?" I said quickly. "I… tend to worry about a lot of things."

She looked surprised, maybe at that I was being so frank about the nature of my attention towards her. Well, if I really wanted to tell her how I felt, I guess I could start by being honest about less important matters.

I almost laughed at that. Less important matters? Worrying about Kaname was less important than telling her how she made me feel? No, certainly not. I had to do more thinking about this. I had to keep my priorities in order. Kaname's safety _always_ comes first.

"Yeah you do…" she smiled. Smiled.

I already talked about her smile, didn't I?

"But I promise," she continued, "It was just your average guidance counselor stuff. It would bore you."

I suspected that it wouldn't bore me, but she didn't seem keen to tell me more and I didn't want to pry if it really had nothing to do with her protection. I was about to follow her back into the classroom when she reminded me that I should enter a few minutes after she did if I didn't want to raise suspicions.

Of course. Man, I'm really off the ball today.

I leaned against the wall of the corridor, checking my watch occasionally, when a poster with glittery red letters caught my attention.

WHAT IS LOVE?

COME TO MR. TAKEHANA'S PHILOSOPHY CLASS'S SPECIAL OPEN SEMINAR TO DISCUSS THE MYSTERIES AND PHILOSOPHICAL QUANDARIES OF THAT MANY SPLENDORED THING!

Philosophical quandaries, eh? I'd definitely agree with that statement! I quickly scribbled down the information on a scrap of paper in my pocket, hopeful that I could discover some answers among scholars of the topic. I didn't even know it was an educational subject! But then, with all its complexities, it seemed perfectly valid to be classified to be such, maybe even a science! Or an art! Or maybe it should be under medical disorders… ailments?

My mind filled with these puzzling thoughts, I finally entered the room.

"Ah, Mr. Sagara, and awfully long time in the bathroom, wouldn't you think?"

"Sir!" I nodded, practically clicking my heels. It was an auto response to inquiries from authority figures, I was still trying to break myself of it. It seemed he wanted an explanation. "Um… duty calls?" Not a lie, but certainly a more foul pun than I wanted to express.

He squinted, then shook his head, motioning towards the class. "Take your seat, Sagara. We're on page 328."

A/N-

Thanks SO much to lemur130, Kanamesstalker, NefCanuck, yuki-chan, Suzu22, Larsgo, Zefrn, God Almighty, Lady Dark Angel, Kabashka, Ren Dara, Katie, and CrossSamurai for the kind reviews!

Special thanks to:

Crihavoc: You were right about imminent! I fixed it… I'm not sure what I was thinking!

ShinMasaki: I fixed the A/N, I just wanted to be on the safe side, but I see what you're saying. Also, I'm a huge fan of switching POVs and do it in some of my fics, but I think with this one I am going to stick with Sousuke… I just love poking fun at his confusion, haha!

So yes, thanks everyone! I was so surprised at the positive response I hope you liked this chapter as well. Any further comments or suggestions are greatly appreciated.


	3. U plus ME equals US

Chapter 3

"Sousuke, I'm so excited that you're staying over tonight!" Shinji was bouncing up and down the aisles of the video store, arms laden with potential choices. I had been caught off guard when he suggested the get-together, but as Kaname was staying over Kyouko's house and there was no way I would be infiltrating that secret meeting, I had agreed.

"Yes," I mumbled, my eyes scanning the 'new releases.' "It certainly is a titillating prospect."

"Titilating?" I looked over to see Shinji screwing up his face in apparent confusion.

"Did I misuse that?" I furrowed my brow, thoroughly doubting that I had mistaken the word's meaning.

Shinji sighed, straightening the DVDs in his arms. "Have you been reading the dictionary again? Why do you do that?"

"It is a very valuable resource," I nodded resolutely. "It seems an extensive vocabulary is very powerful in today's civilian living situation."

"Whatever you say," Shinji sighed, looking over at the movies I had been perusing. "What were you looking at?" His face turned a slight pinkish shade, and he cradled the DVDs in one arm while scratching the back of his head bashfully. "Uh, the movie store won't let me rent those… unless you have a fake ID, of course."

I raised an eyebrow, glancing back at the movie. _Stacey's Wild American Adventure_ seemed like an innocent enough title, and the girl on the front was smiling, wearing a pink dress and holding a lollypop. Why would you need advanced credentials to view such a film? I didn't even want to rent it anyway, I had actually been looking at a military documentary next to it, but now my curiosity was piqued.

I picked up the case, flipping it over to read the back. I cleared my throat after a moment, hastily placing it back on the shelf. "I… see," I grumbled, walking briskly into the next aisle. Pornography was something I still did not understand. There were plenty of women everywhere; walking down the street, in restaurants, at school, working, playing, talking, laughing, and I often questioned my position as the only male I knew seemingly uninterested in the manufactured sexual goings-on of people that weren't even real. It just seemed to me that if you really wanted that sort of… stimulation, you might as well go out and talk to real women, right?

I almost groaned at that, resisting the urge to slam myself into one of the DVD wracks. The very thought of speaking to Kaname for the purpose of physical enticement made me highly uncomfortable, for the obvious hormonal reasons, as well as the mere sense that I didn't feel Kaname should be exploited in such a way. Truthfully I didn't feel any woman, any _person_, should be. I especially was confused by the grimy nature of most of the men I knew in the military. It just didn't line up to me… throwing your life on the line to protect women, and then treating them like…

"How about we get the complete Evangelion? We could have a marathon!" Shinji was waving various ideas about. "Or Top Gun, or the latest video reports from JANE, or-"

"You pick," I said absently crossing my arms over my chest. Really, it didn't make any sense at all. You'd think that you would value anything you'd put so much effort into protecting, at least respect it, at least behave with some semblance of honor and restraint.

I followed Shinji to the counter, reaching into my pocket to chip in to the rental. Once we were out of the store and out on the sidewalk, I frowned in thought, enjoying the cool night air against my face. "What do you think separates humans from animals?" I asked abruptly, suddenly aware that such a question might seem "random," but really it fit in with my thought process perfectly.

"Huh?" said Shinji, blinking at me.

"What do you think is the distinguishing factor that makes humans humans, and animals animals," I said clearly. "Aside from physical differentiations, of course."

"Well," Shinji said, weighing his words slowly. "I guess the ability to use tools! I mean, you don't see chimpanzees walking around with Arm Slaves, do you?"

I nodded in agreement, but that wasn't really the answer I was looking for. I decided to drop the subject, half-listening to his enthusiastic description of the latest development of M9s that I secretly already knew about. As much as I appreciated Shinji's friendship and usually enjoyed his company, he really did have a one-track mind. It was just in my favor that I happened to specialize in that track.

I let my mind wander to my earlier musings, pulling up the collar of my jacket to block out some of the wind. The most decorated and honored soldiers were those that seemed to set their own needs aside in order to defend and uphold the general good. Strength, perseverance, and intelligence of the highest order were necessary to become such a soldier. It truly perplexed me that a world in which raw masculinity was admired and the ultimate soldier being the goal of all men, that such deviation from the ideal would be so rampant among citizens.

Isn't the manly thing to do also the most honorable thing? And isn't honor achieved through respect? And isn't respect only gained by giving it first? This seemed common sense to me, and so I was at a complete loss as to why so many men, including so many of my fellow soldiers, insisted on such a degrading, ridiculous mode of behavior. Humans insist far too often that they are the superior race of the Earth, but really, you don't see llamas or whales stealing their female's underwear in the night, or paying money to see them pose in demeaning fashions, or find pride in the abuse of their mates. At least, not normally.

"In the wild," I said slowly, "it is standard practice for males to impress females through skills in battle, abilities to build shelter or provide food, and strong physical characteristics. It seems reasonable to expect the same and better from humans, doesn't it?"

Shinji stopped walking, raising an eyebrow at me. "Uh… what?"

"If the objective of a male life is truly to secure a female comrade and participate in physical reproductive activities, as it seems to be for most of our classmates, doesn't it stand to reason that the same factors used in the wild could be employed by our own persons, if a little polished and updated?"  
Shinji stared at me blankly. Maybe he didn't get my point.

"Shouldn't men be working harder on enhancing those characteristics that would attract and sustain females, rather then expending their resources on various momentarily satisfying forms of vice? What if lions spent all their time watching porn? Or hollering at lionesses, or going to lion strip clubs, where would that get them in the long run?"

Shinji's confusion seemed incurable. "Are you trying to make yourself feel better, since we couldn't get the porn? Look, I know where my dad's secret stash is, if you really want-"

I shook my head. "I only feel that if we are truly superior to animals, we should honor that sentiment by behaving as if we were, particularly in the manner with which we treat the other half of the species."

Shinji rolled his eyes, rounding the street corner as I followed. "Sousuke, you've been spending way too much time with Kaname."

* * *

"Sousuke, what are you doing here?" Kaname looked blandly up at me, setting down her agenda and her pencil gently down next to it. 

"I agree with your cause," I said firmly, snapping my hands against my sides, almost saluting.

I heard a round of giggling behind me. I'd finally decided to attend one of the Monday afternoon meetings Kaname regularly held, though I expected her to be more pleased with my showing up.

"Sousuke…" Kaname's voice held the forced calm I was all too familiar with. "This is a Take Back the Night meeting."

"I know!" I nodded. _I just like being around you, okay? I could either come to the meeting, or wait around outside for you to glare at me, say I'm stalking you, and force me to walk twenty feet behind you all the way home._ "I think the first step to strengthening our society as a whole is to recognize and empower all people."

Kaname raised an eye suspiciously. "That's great, really. But this is a women's organization. We don't have any male members."

_Oh-ho-ho, so who's being exclusive now, hmm?_ "Forgive my protest," I said, "but I must admit I find that slightly foolish. An atmosphere of unity can only be spread with overtures of inclusion and-"

"I haven't been turning legions of boys away," Kaname frowned, rubbing her temples tiredly. "No guys have ever _asked_ to join, I never even thought about what I'd do if they did."

" I think I will be a great asset to the organization," I said, "I can help instruct basic self-defense techniques, and provide an example for other males to follow, perhaps."

"Sousuke, I'm not sure you really understand…"

"I insist, Miss Chidori," I kept my expression firm, even as the giggling grew behind me. "If you resist, might I bring your attention to article 157 of the student hand book. No student may be denied entrance to an extracurricular organization on the basis of race, creed, gender, sexual orient-"

"Just have a seat," she said flatly, waving at the rows of desks in front of her.

"Thank you," I said with a smile, and turned to survey the seating options.

Kazuki, the girl who had written those strange notes on her paper a few days earlier, was waving at me frantically and tapping the empty desk beside her. I swallowed uncomfortably. I didn't come to the meeting to be psssted at for the next hour, so I pretended I didn't see her and sat down next to Kyouko, instead.

"Okay," Kaname said, standing from her chair after giving me one more questioning look. "Our first priority now is to prepare for the march at the end of the month. I want to have the largest attendance possible. We're meeting up with other high school chapters as well as the adult divisions of the organization, and I want to make sure we are well represented. We've got to get the word out and we've got to drum up more interest. Remember ladies… er, people," Kaname corrected herself with yet another suspicious glance at me. "this is really important. If we want to see progress for women in Tokyo, we need to take a stand. Simpering and playing into the vulnerable role that's seemed to have been laid out for us will only buy us more of the same. If we want change, we have to let everyone know."

I smiled fondly, leaning my chin on one elbow, my military posture completely forgotten. Kaname really was a gifted speaker. The ability to be so convincing and drum up so much enthusiasm was a really useful and admirable skill. I was listening avidly, hanging on every word, when I heard the dreaded "pssst," and looked over to see Kazuki had moved into the empty chair on my opposite side.

"What?" I said to her in a low whisper, more sharply than I intended.

She didn't seem phased by my tone, merely ducked hear head and said "are you going to the march at the end of the month?"

"I don't know, I assume so," I said quickly, and was about to turn back when Kaname coldly called out my name.

"Sousuke, if you're not here to listen, then I really don't know why you're here at all," she said, the fatigue and annoyance clear in her voice. I opened my mouth to protest but she held up one hand, using the other to straighten her papers into a folder. "Sorry guys, I have a guidance appointment, could you finish off the meeting, Kana? I want everyone to brainstorm lines to put on posters advertising the march."

The girl who must be Kana nodded with a smile, and took Kaname's place at the front of the room when Kaname left. Kazuki was leaning over to me again, but I quickly picked up my messenger bag and followed Kaname as I slung it over one shoulder. "Miss Chidori!" I called to her departing figure.

She paused, turning to face me impatiently. "Yes?"

I jogged to catch up with her, and we continued to walk in the direction of the guidance office. "I was listening," I said earnestly. "Kazuki needed to ask me a question, but I didn't want her to, I was trying to listen." I didn't like using other people as excuses, I believe in taking responsibility for the situation, but this was the truth and I couldn't think of another way to convince Kaname I was honestly interested in what she was saying. Besides, it really bothered me when she was unhappy with me, a weakness that was a large hindrance

"Hey," Kaname said shortly, her steps quick and purposeful. "If you want to socialize with Kazuki, that's fine with me. I just wish you wouldn't do it at my meetings. It's serious business we're discussing, you know."

"I know," I said, keeping pace with her easily. "I know it is, and I want to be involved in it. Kazuki keeps making these noises at me, and honestly I can't understand why. Sometimes she doesn't even have anything to say. And then the other day she had all this weird writing on her paper, it's all very confusing."

Kaname stopped, looking at my dryly. "Let me guess. SS plus KN equals TL."

"Yes!" I smiled in relief, shifting my bag higher on my shoulder. "So you know what it means! I was hoping you would. Have you seen it before?"

Kaname did not appear amused. She pulled open the door to the girls' lavatory we were standing next to, motioning to writing scrawled in large black letters on the inside of the door. "S-S," she said loudly, clearly, annunciating each letter and word. "PLUS-K-N-EQUALS-T-L."

I couldn't contain my astonishment. Why was the message on the inside of the girls' bathroom? Was this some secret female code?

"It's all over the place," Kaname rolled her eyes, crossing her arm over her chest.

"But what does it _mean_," I pleaded, my eyes tracing over the letters for what seemed like the hundredth time, but to no avail. I could not make head or tails of it.

"Oh man, Sousuke, don't you recognize your own initials?"

I frowned, scratching my head. "I hadn't thought of it," I said, "but now that you mention it, it is kind of an interesting coincidence, isn't it?"

Kaname groaned, a hand to her forehead. I must be saying something very stupid, to be getting this kind of reaction from her. "It's not a coincidence. I can't believe you've never seen these stupid things before." She sighed, pointing to the pieces of the message as she spoke. "S.S., that's you, Sagara Sousuke, plus K.N., that's Kazuki Naoko, equals T.L."

Don't stop there! "T.L.?" I stuttered, wracking my brain. I plus Kazuki equal what? Teenage loiterers? Terrible liars? Tan legs? Toasted laundry?

"True love!" Kaname said, clearly exasperated. "True love."

I laughed at that, startled by Kaname's still agitated but not humorous expression. "Well, that can't be right," I reasoned, "that's not true at all."

Kaname let out a breath, continuing her walking and I jumped to keep up. "Maybe it's not true," she said, "but Kazuki apparently wants it to be true, and it's the wanting that motivates the use of magic marker on school property."

"Are you sure she wants that?" My mind was spinning, and part of me thought Kaname must be playing some trick on me. I knew the dictionary definition of love, and it was no laughing matter. If Kazuki wanted that… she was either disillusioned, or completely insane.

"Uh, _yeah_."

"Really?"

"Oh please," Kaname said, peering at me from the corner of her eye. Her disposition lightened considerably when she saw that I was earnestly in ignorance and confusion. "Naoko has a huge crush on you, it's so obvious, or are you the only one too dense to see it?"

Well this was certainly an unexpected development. Naoko was interested in me in that kind of way? Naoko wanted us to… equal true love? I felt my stomach turn and my head start to ache. Love was terrifying enough already, and that was with Kaname, someone I was fairly comfortable with and more than a little fond of. I didn't even know Kazuki, and to be honest what I did know was not entirely favorable. Where were these outrageous desires of hers coming from? Was she clear out of her mind?

"Well," I croaked, stumbling for words. "I don't know what has triggered her rash intentions, but I can assure you that the suggestion is not mutual. I have no thoughts to make such overtures to Kazuki."

Kaname laughed heartily at that, but it seemed forced to me. "Oh Sousuke, I don't care who you 'equal true love with,'" she said, bending her fingers in quotations. "You can do whatever you want." She was trying to seem casual, but I could tell she was relieved. Though what about, I had no idea.

We reached the guidance office and she stepped half way through the door, a look of resigned forgiveness dominating her features. "Hey, there's a history test tomorrow, and I know you've been having problems. Why don't you come over my house around 7, we can get pizza and go over our notes."

Kaname only made such kind invitations when she was in a really good mood or when she felt bad about something she might have said to me. This confused me even more, but I smiled gratefully, nodding. "I will do that, Miss Chidori. I thank you for your help."

"Yeah, whatever," Kaname waved casually, adding as an afterthought. "And hey, thanks for coming to the meeting. I'm not sure I believe why you're there, but that's really good of you."

She disappeared into the office and I stood perplexed for a few more moments. However, not wanting to be interrogated by a secretary again, I hastily left the area, intending to go to my locker and return in time to trail Kaname home. It was truly a mystery to me, the occurrence of love in everyday life. It seemed Kazuki thought she loved me, and yet I had no idea, not the slightest clue. Did this mean that my own feelings were as well hidden? Were my thoughts about Kaname as public as I felt they were, or were they just as secret to her as Kazuki's feelings were to me?

_I have a huge crush on you, Kaname._ I laughed at my own thoughts, entertained by the way Kaname's own words seemed to fit her. _It's so obvious. Or are you the only one too dense to see it?_

* * *

A.N. – thanks to NefCanuck, Suzu22, Zefrn, CrossSamurai, Lady Dark Angel, Kabashka, Peeps, Enkaiame, minitsu, and Anime Crazed for the encouragement. You guys are great! 

sigh I wish Sousuke _would_ set an example for males everywhere! Look forward to more stupidity/genderrollquestioning/languagemisinterprating/kanameasskicking/sousukeblunderingabout in the upcoming chapters! Questions, comments, and criticism is always appreciated. Thanks for reading!

and oh yeah, I noticed I wrote "Kagome" instead of "Kaname" a few times. sheepish I went back and fixed them, but if I missed any, sorry! I'm working on an Inuyasha story at the same time, AND a Kenshin story,and sometimes I get all the K names switched around. Kenshin Kaname Kaoru Kazuki Kikyou Kagome Kyoko... aiyaiyaiyaiyai.


	4. Home 0, Visitors 1

**Chapter 4**

It is one thing to claim being above sexual temptation when staring at the cover of a DVD, an image of an extremely artificial and probably contagious disease ridden female beaming back at you. It is an entirely different scenario to declare such a resistance while watching Kaname Chidori up at bat.

Part of me felt guilty at the way my heart beat faster as she frowned in concentration, fingertips straightening the cap on her head and one foot swiveling into the dirt beside the plate. Glancing around, no one else seemed to find her standing there particularly exciting, but man, I did. Just the way her brow pulled down with determination, and the lean muscles of her legs flexed as she took a batting stance, and her fingers stretched and encircled the handle, and then when the ball came hurtling at her, her reaction was perfect, executing a beautiful swing and sending the ball far into the outfield. Such a display of combined skill, athleticism, coordination, and tight softball uniforms had a very pleasant effect on me. Watching her run was also enjoyable, for obvious reasons. For the life of me I couldn't understand why other males didn't just come to softball games rather than spend all their money on adult comic-books and the like. Such beauty, such prowess, such tactical genius, here and in the flesh!

I clapped as Kaname rounded third and the dust in the air settled over her sweat dampened skin. The previous night after she'd helped me a great deal with studying, I had agreed to go to the mall with her to help her pick out some new outdoors equipment. She said she and Kyouko were planning to go camping over the summer so she wanted to make sure she had everything she needed, and that she had no idea what was considered important these days in equipment and was hoping I could provide some insight. Really, I was thrilled by the idea, a chance to spend time with Kaname without feeling utterly foolish, because for once I knew what I was talking about. Months on missions, setting up camp every night, sleeping outside in all kinds of weather and conditions, made me practically an expert on outdoor expeditions. I was more than happy to advise Kaname on her purchases, even though I felt I was doing it for more selfish reasons. The plan was to meet her after the game and then head out for the mall, but I decided I would come early and watch the game as well.

Wow, she certainly does look nice with mud on her face. She had removed her hat to wipe the sweat from her brow. I sighed, leaning back on the bleachers. I was sure it was abnormal to get this excited over a softball game, but what can I say? I suppose it's more dignified than peeping into the girls' locker room, which I often caught my classmates doing. That just seemed immature and disrespectful. I was merely supporting our school athletes; there was nothing wrong with that.

Kaname must have seen me in the stands, because she grinned and waved. Oh don't do that, Kaname, I had just convinced myself that I was here innocently. When you smile like that, it makes it that much more difficult to lie to myself.

I started when I heard someone shouting behind me, and turned to see Noumen Danko, another kid in our class, cupping his hands over his mouth to yell. "NICE JOB KANAME!" He grinned, waving.

I turned back to Kaname, who was now getting ready to run again as her teammate stepped up to the plate. Had she been waving at me? Or at Noumen? Or at both of us?

Noumen was a problem I did not like to acknowledge. For some time he had been paying extra attention to Kaname, but I tried to ignore it. Once I had determined he was not a threat to her safety (by obtaining fingerprints from his shoe laces, taking careful inventory of his locker, and planting several microphones in his school uniforms to catch devious plots) there wasn't much I could do about it. He was friendly and polite to her, and often offered to lend her notes in subjects in which I was practically completely useless. Even though I did not feel he would hurt Kaname, I found that his presence around her aggravated me in ways I could not describe. I wish there was something I could object to, I almost wished he _would_ do something threatening just so I could demand she keep her distance from him.

I sighed, propping my elbow on my knee and resting my chin on my open palm. He was more of a threat to me than anyone else. Noumen was one of the few of my peers I acknowledged as almost my equal in many respects. It's not as if I feel I am a superior person to my classmates, but I am admittedly a much better athlete, with better manners, and a stronger sense of integrity than the majority of them. Noumen, on the other hand, I found to be a very formidable opponent in gym activities. He received consistently strong marks in his classes, and he always seemed thoughtful and honorable in his actions.

Speaking of honor, if he had the same sense that I did, did that mean he was having the same thoughts as he watched Kaname play softball?

I whipped around my seat, inadvertently glaring at Noumen at the very idea, but he wasn't looking at me, he was smiling and his attention was focused on the field. I narrowed my eyes once and crossed my arms over my chest, turning back to see Kaname cross home plate. Damn, I missed the running part. It was all Noumen's fault. Jerk.

I moved to glare at him again, but when I turned around he was gone, the space between his cronies where he was sitting was empty. His bag was gone too. I frowned. He was probably off doing something productive and interesting, like studying or raising money for starving children or fetching a kitten from a tree.

I grumbled to myself, almost sure of his intentions. One thing I knew was that I absolutely had to ask Kaname to the dance soon, or else Noumen was certainly going to beat me to it. As much trouble as I was having applying to word "love," to myself, it hurt me even more to consider that Noumen might feel that way about Kaname as well. Even if love was a terrifying, horrible, dangerous thing, if I had to feel it, well then I was glad I felt it about Kaname, and damn it I wanted to be the only one that did. I didn't need anyone else getting in my way and "to thrive on; need" –ing her!

What if in my dawdling desire to sort through this love business on my own before I spoke with Kaname about it, Noumen beat me to the punch? What if Kaname felt the same way? What if they told each other and went to the dance and she smiled at him and he touched her face and then they do whatever it is that people in love do? I couldn't stand that thought. I had to take action. Whatever the drawbacks were to being in love, it couldn't be worse than these infuriating feelings of jealousy and inferiority. What did Noumen have over me anyway, aside from being dashing and well-liked and well-dressed and charming and confident and experienced and not getting the urge to pull out a glock when the teacher assigns impossible homework? Eh? And who does he think he is, coming to her softball games and waving like that? Hm? I'm glad he's gone! He can just take his super-white smile and boyish good looks and get lost! Save enough kittens to fill an entire humane society for all I care!

I do take a certain pride in how extremely juvenile I can be. Okay, actually I don't. I took a slow deep breath, deciding to bury myself in the text book I had brought along with me in order to calm my frayed nerves. In the military, when one is battling for promotion to a higher rank with a peer, it is important to maintain composure. Any signs of weakness, including behaving in an impulsive or dangerously competitive manner, are extremely detrimental to one's record. I began studying, as was my plan for the time when Kaname was not on the field. I found English to be so difficult that it took all of my concentration and made calming down much easier.

I must have been at it for a least a half hour when I caught something moving in the corner of my eye, and I looked up from verb conjugations to see someone in black sneaking around behind the dugout. I sprang to my feet, dashing behind the bleachers and inching along towards the dugout. I resisted the temptation to whip out my pistol and blast the creep's kneecaps off, since for all I knew he could be the janitor or just a random student who felt like wearing all black and playing around outside the dugout inside of which the girl I loved was sitting unaware and might I mention this guy was wearing a skeleton mask?

I snarled, forgetting restraint and bolting over to the dugout. This was the guy following Kaname the other night! What a ridiculous costume, really! Did he think I wouldn't remember him? Did he think I would just let him capture Kaname and do whatever his freaking skeleton-mask self wants to her? Yeah, fat chance. Unfortunately, I snapped a twig on the ground in my haste to catch him as he attempted to scale the back of the dugout, and he broke off at a run away from the field when he saw me coming.

I was frustrated at my tendency to compromise stealth in favor of speed, but altered my course to follow him out onto the street. I still couldn't believe how reckless this guy was being. What kind of sneak wears a skeleton mask and tries to climb up the girl's dugout in plain view? Now he was running around on the street in broad daylight. I shook my head, keeping pace with him and gaining slowly. Well, his laughable attempt at creeping up on my charge only made it easier for me to catch him. This was practically a joke… it couldn't be anyone more than a common pervert. He didn't seem to have any escape plan or any idea what he was doing whatsoever.

At least, that's what I thought until he ran down an alleyway. I caught up in just a few seconds, but when I looked down he wasn't there. I growled, casting about frantically. This was outrageous, exactly the same thing that happened the last time I saw him. I ran down the alley, looking in and behind the dumpsters, looking in all the windows, even staring up the walls to see if he had somehow managed some spiderman-esque feat, but nothing. No sign of him anywhere. Not willing to give up yet, I quickly asked several people on the street and neighboring shop keepers if they'd seen a man in a skeleton mask, but they only looked at me as if I were crazy. Yeah, I'd think I was crazy too if I were one of them, which was not in my favor. How could such an obviously unprofessional hooligan in a Halloween costume escape me twice in a row, using the same tactic? People don't just disappear.

I sighed, flopping down into a bench at a nearby bus stop, the failure of catching the freak doing nothing for my current self-esteem issues. What kind of bodyguard was I? What kind of… boyfriend would I make? I swallowed heavily. I didn't really understand the nature of the position of boyfriend, but I knew that any guy in a close relationship with a female should take on certain responsibilities, including her safety and protection. Not only was I not fulfilling my mission by letting these masked shenanigans continue, I was proving myself quite inadequate for whatever being in love with Kaname entailed.

I just sat there for a while, lost in my defeatist thoughts, when I sensed someone sitting down next to me.

"Pssst!"

I suppressed a groan, glancing over to see Kazuki, her purse in her lap, her face illuminated by a syrupy smile. What was she doing here, and why was she pssting when there wasn't even a need to be quiet? Perhaps she found some sick enjoyment in making the hair on the back of my neck stand up, which her pssting was starting to do.

"Ah, good afternoon Kazuki," I said flatly, inclining my head at her.

"Hi!" she giggled. "I'm surprised to see you here, Sousuke. I thought you would be at the softball game."

I choked, glancing down at my watch. The game was supposed to get out several minutes ago if the innings continued at the pace they were at. I gave Kazuki a hasty farewell, much to her confusion, and retraced my steps at a run, arriving back at the field shortly. Not only did I not catch the threat, I was late when I promised Kaname I would meet her to take her shopping. When I finally found her by the fence, her hair was wet indicating she'd already showered and changed, and she was talking with Noumen. Why, that pompous Mr. perfect… when did he get back, anyway?  
I walked briskly up to them, nodding curtly at Noumen and standing right next to Kaname.

"Well, you were really great Kaname, now that Sousuke's back I don't feel so bad leaving you alone here. It's really not such a great idea these days, a pretty girl hanging around by herself. There are some really creepy dudes out there." Noumen tipped his hat at me, and I scowled.

"I was here before the game ended, but I was obligated to look into something. I deeply regret not being here upon its completion," I ground out. It certainly seemed like a setup to me. Was he trying to make me look bad? Was he trying to make me lose points with Kaname? Give me a break. I don't even know what exactly it is I'm feeling. I don't need to be jostled and rushed by some choir boy in the process.

"Hey man, whatever," Noumen shrugged. "Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow at school, Kaname!" He waved with a smile, jogging off to join his friends in the parking lot.

Kaname waved after him, returning the friendly smile. "Bye Danko! Thanks for coming!" She then turned to me, looking utterly nonplussed. "Where were you? The game's been over for almost half an hour."

"I'm truly sorry, Miss Chidori," I said, trying to keep the aggravation out of my tone. "I was here earlier, but there was a severe breach in security I had to address. I took longer than I expected."

She raised an eyebrow, hoisting her bag onto her shoulder and brushing a strand of wet hair out of her eyes. "A supreme breach in security?"

I nodded seriously. "There was a man in a skeleton mask loitering outside the dugout."

Kaname's skepticism turned into an outright glare, and I tried not to flinch. "Sousuke, that's far-fetched even for you. A guy in a skeleton mask outside the dugout, and no one else saw?"

"I find it difficult to understand, myself," I admitted as we started to walk slowly towards the subway station. "But I gave chase until he disappeared."

Kaname groaned, rubbing fiercely at her temples. "He disappeared?"

"Well, I'm sure he didn't disappear exactly," I amended. "But I chased him until he ran down an alleyway without leaving a trace. I looked and asked all around, and he was just gone. This is the second time I've observed him in your vicinity. The first time was the other night when you had an engagement with Kyouko, but when I attempted to notify you of his presence, you were occupied with your hair-brush karaoke."

Kaname snickered at my name for her activities. "Look Sousuke, if you want to miss my game to flirt with Kazuki, that's fine, you don't need to make up dumb excuses. You really could have done it when we didn't have plans, though."

I gaped at her. "I wasn't… flirting… with Kazuki, I was chasing a man in a skeleton mask."

"Sousuke please," Kaname chided, clearly getting annoyed. "Danko told me he saw you two on some bench near the noodle restaurant."

I barely contained a cry of outrage. He _was_ trying to sabotage me! Well you bastard, _I_ am a _specialist_! If anyone at this high school knows about sabotage, it's me! "Miss Chidori, I ran into Kazuki after I lost sight of the masked man, then returned immediately to meet you."

"You ran into her sitting on a bench?"

"I got tired from the chase."

Kaname stared at me blankly, obviously not believing a word I was saying.

"I know the situation does not make me highly credible," I sighed, stuffing my hands in my pockets. "But I assure you, running into Kazuki brought me no kind of pleasure, and I could have easily done without the man in the skeleton mask sneaking up on you. I would have much rather have sat and watched the game in its entirety and not been late to meet you."

Kaname didn't seem like she was sure she believed me.

"There is no reason for me to lie to you, Miss Chidori," I said calmly. "Indeed, I never lie to you, and don't plan on ever doing so."

After another searching look, she shrugged and flipped her hair over one shoulder. "Oh whatever," she sighed. "You're here now, so it's fine. Let's go!"

I nodded, following her eager steps towards the station. The afternoon's events troubled me for several reasons. How had Noumen seen me with Kazuki and still met up with Kaname before I got back? What was I going to do about his now seemingly aggressive advances towards Kaname? Most importantly, who was this freak in the mask, and what did he want with her? I had so much to think about while I helped her pick out canteens.

* * *

I was perplexed when we emerged from the outing store after only about a half-hour. Kaname had listened to all of my suggestions and bought the equipment quickly, without any questions or arguing or even asking if the tent came in any more eye-pleasing colors. To be quite honest, I was disappointed the trip was over so soon. I was hoping it would last longer so I could spend more time with her, hopefully work up the guts to tell her something even remotely akin to what I felt for her. Unfortunately, sleeping bags and mosquito netting is not the most inspiring stuff, and as we left the store I had said nothing more telling than that I would hate to see her caught in a bad storm without a good set of peg hammers.

Trying not to appear glum, I took the bulky packages from the sales attendant as we left the store, surprised when we headed away from the entrance we had come in.

"There's just one more place I want to stop really quick, if that's okay."

I nodded, glad our time together would be prolonged, even if just for a little while. "Of course, Miss Chidori."

I followed her into what appeared to be a trendy clothing boutique, one that I never pictured Kaname shopping in. Sure, Kaname wore attractive clothing, but it always seemed reasonable and not as overpriced and flashy as what most girls wore outside of school.

"I found the perfect dress for the semi when I was here the other day with Kyouko, and I wanted a male opinion." She ushered me into a chair next to the dressing rooms, and indicated that I should put the bags down on the floor.

She smiled and disappeared behind the curtain. I slumped back in the chair, ignoring the knowing smiles of the sales ladies. What were they "knowing" about, anyway? Was something greater happening that I didn't know about?

"So Sousuke," Kaname said, raising her voice to be heard through the curtain and over the rustling of clothing within. "Have you decided if you're going to go to the semi?"

"Uh…" I braced my hands against my knees, blanching. _Yes, I've decided. I'm going, and I'm going to ask you to go with me, and you are going to say yes, and I am going to tell you everything I found out from the dictionary, and you're going to understand and know what to do, and we're going to make it through this together and we'll come out better for this. And Noumen will not be in the mix. At all._ "No, I haven't decided yet."

"Oh," her tone was unreadable. "Well, I don't know if I'm going either, even though I pretty much have to go since I'm vice president of the student council and I'm expected to be there. But, no one has asked me to go with them." She paused, as if expecting me to say something.

_Hey, that's no a problem. Go with me! I don't know what the hell I'm doing and I've never been to a dance and I'll probably do something out of line and embarrass you, but at least we'll be together, right?_

She sighed, obviously my response time had run out. "It's always so awkward to go to those things alone, you know? Everyone else has a date and you just stand there, so I don't think I'm going to go unless somebody asks me."

I cleared my throat, trying to find the words. _Will you go with me? I'll go with you. Let's go. You and me. Together. Night on the town. Whatever._

Another sigh from behind the curtain. "I know I probably shouldn't be buying a dress until I get a date and know for sure that I'm going, but I just really like this one, and I don't buy dresses very often, and you have to treat yourself sometimes, right?"

_Kaname, you should be treated all the time. In fact, if I were to assume boyfriend duties, I would buy you the dress, and shoes, and flowers, and ramen noodles, and stuffed animals, and those little clippy things girls wear in their hair, and a pony, and a private jet…_

There was a little more rustling and I stood up when Kaname emerged from the dressing room, involuntarily sucking in a breath.

If I thought Kaname looked good when she had mud on her face, I was all wrong. Well, no I wasn't, she did look good with mud on her face. I was beginning to realize that Kaname actually looked absolutely gorgeous no matter what she wore, but the sight in front of me completely took my breath away. Her dress was a deep rust color that matched her eyes and shimmered slightly in the light. It was extremely low cut, but I exercised my immense powers of restraint and did not allow my eyes to linger on the vast expanse of exposed skin. She twirled once, revealing the way the fabric spun when she turned, and the appealing fact that it was backless. It reached just below mid thigh and hugged her stomach, the fabric stretching and bunching in the best places. It really seemed as if the dress had been designed and put together with Kaname in mind.

I swallowed heavily, my eyes widening when she said "how do I look?"

"You… you look…" _You look more gorgeous than any woman I've ever seen._ "beautiful," I said simply. "You look beautiful." Beautiful seemed like a gross understatement in my mind, but I was proud that at least I hadn't chickened out completely and said she looked 'adequate' or something like that. That seems like something I'd say.

She beamed, and I smiled, pleased that I had put that expression on her face. "You really think so?"

I nodded, feeling my affection for her seeping into my gaze. "Absolutely."

She blushed, tugging at the hem. "You don't think it's too short or too tight or anything?"

_Oh, GOD no._ "I think it's perfect." I said, utterly impressed with myself. I think I had gone a good four minutes in an extremely delicate situation without saying something to make her angry.

"So…" she smoothed the skirt with her small hands. "Theoretically, you would go with someone wearing this dress?"

_Yes! So come with me! C'mon! _It felt as if my throat went completely dry and the room was suddenly much too warm for my taste. I opened and closed my mouth a few times, trying to think of the right thing to say. I should ask her. I should just ask her right now. I wasn't a complete idiot, I knew she wanted me to ask her. Why did she want me to ask her? Did she feel the same way? Was that even possible? I mean she's Kaname, she's beautiful and smart and caring and brave and funny and interesting. She's perfect. I'm an army brat. Where is the correlation, again? Finally I just nodded dumbly.

Her smile grew unmistakably hopeful. "Really?"

I nodded again. For god's sake man, can't you do anything other than nod? "Yes," I stammered out.

She just stood there, looking at me expectantly.

And…

I stood there, staring right back.

So we stood there, looking at each other.

And…

Each second her smile grew smaller and her eyes less hopeful and her posture less erect and my heart more and more wilted and pained. Why couldn't I do this? What was the worst that could happen? How could I possibly face foreign legions and gigantic homicidal robots without the slightest bit of fear and yet be struck completely useless by one breathtaking teenage girl?

_Kaname, you are by far the most fantastic person I know, and I'm not just saying that. I know I don't have a lot to offer you, and I know in a lot of ways I've caused you a lot of grief, but it's just a dance and I really think if you gave me chance we could make it work. So what do you think about…_

The smiled had disappeared off her face, and she bit her lower lip. "Sousuke…" she said softly.

The words were all caught in my throat, lodged there, unreachable. I tried to grind them out but the best I could manage was a pained expression, which I don't think was what she was looking for.

The hurt that crossed her face was devastating and hit me like a blow to the gut. I stepped back when she shook her head angrily, returning to the dressing room and snapping the curtain shut behind her.

I flopped back down into the chair, threading my fingers through my hair. Could I possibly blow a more perfect opportunity? How did I always manage to do this to myself? Hurting Kaname is probably the worst feeling in the world. It was my mission as a soldier and my duty as a friend to keep her safe, but throw love into the mix and everything gets so complicated. I sighed in frustration. Why was this stupid dance so important anyway? I'd never been to a dance and I was perfectly fine, I'm sure I'd be perfectly fine if I didn't go. But, it was obvious Kaname wanted to go, and she wanted and escort, and if I didn't go with her, surely someone else would. Someone like Noumen. Bastard.

The curtain was flung open and Kaname stormed out, snatching up the bags from the outing store and racing out of the boutique. I scrambled to follow.

"Miss Chidori-"

"Stopped calling me that," she snarled, her pace very quick.

"Ah, stop calling you what?"

"KANAME. My name's Kaname. I thought we were friends, friends call each other by their names. God Sousuke, just how dense are you?"

Pretty damn dense, to be honest with you. "Miss Ch… Ka…Kaname," I forced out, reaching for the bags. "What about the dress?"

"I'm not going to the dance, so why buy the dress? It's a waste of money. Some other girl who's going can buy it." Her jaw was set as she struggled along with the bags.

"But-" she shot me a warning glare, daring me to argue with her. I swallowed. "I can carry those for you," I managed to offer.

"I don't want you to carry them," she snapped, speeding towards the exit.

"Alright…"

She stopped short, whirling to face me. "Stop following me!"

"But, Miss Chidori!"

"Aaaargh!" she stomped her food, turning back to her storming.

"I mean Kaname," I corrected myself quickly. "I'll walk you home."

"I don't want you to walk me home!" she roared. "I'm a big girl, I can carry my own bags, I can take a train home by myself."

I was thoroughly uncomfortable with that idea, especially considering I had spent a portion of my afternoon tracking a very creepy many obviously interested in her.

"Kaname, I must protest-"

"No, you mustn't," she seethed, clenching her teeth. "I lived alone before you came, I went home by myself _every day_. I can manage."

"But Kaname, there is-"

"If you say there's a freak with a skeleton mask out there, I'm going to castrate you."

I gulped. "Well-"

"If I see him, I'll castrate _him_ then!" She was getting hysterical, and I was getting more and more hesitant to argue with her.

"Kaname, it's my duty to-"

"Screw you and your duty!"

She rushed through the turn stiles, thrusting a token into the slot. I quickly reached into my pockets, dismayed to find them empty. Without a second thought I jumped the stile, but the slight delay had put me several feet behind her, and she squeezed onto the train just before the door closed, slamming shut in my face. I pounded on the plastic window a few times, but she wouldn't even look at me, and the doors didn't open again.

I groaned, stepping back as the train began to move, angrier with myself than I had been in quite a long time. I kicked at a bottle cap on the ground, sending it careening into the ugly tile station wall, before spinning back to face the train and shouting "WILL YOU GO TO THE DANCE WITH ME?"

But the train sped down the tunnel and I could hardly hear myself over the roar. Well, isn't that convenient. In a bout of supreme frustration I shouted "BY THE WAY I AM DESPERATELY IN LOVE WITH YOU AND IT FEELS LIKE WHEN I HAD TO INHALE TEAR GAS IN BASIC TRAINING."

Of course, the roar passed half way through my second shout, and I found myself being stared at by several people around me.

That's it, I've had enough of this being in love thing. I quit.

* * *

A.N. – By now you're probably thinking Sousuke is very OOC. Maybe I agree with you. But honestly, I highly doubt that Sousuke actually thinks exactly how he talks. Just because he's polished and disciplined in his interactions with people does not mean that he doesn't still have the mind of a teenage boy. He's a different teenage boy with different experiences and he doesn't understand a lot of his surroundings, but that doesn't mean he doesn't get jealous or angry or turned on or upset or anything else, he just doesn't understand his emotions yet. Besides, I don't think he's necessarily OOC in what he actually says and does to people, only what he's thinking, and we rarely find out exactly what he's thinking in the anime/manga, so I guess you never know, right? I'm sorry if the apparent OOCness turns some of you off, but my objective with this story is more to explore another possible side of him rather than paint him exactly as he is in the anime. Well, I hope you have fun with it, anyway.

My warmest thanks to Anime Crazed, Jax9, Suzu22, Lady Dark Angel, Zefrn (this chapter was a little longer, eh?), minitsu, NefCanuck, Kabashka, Satri, and Quaffle Chaser for the kind reviews.

As always, comments/questions/criticism always welcome and appreciated. Thanks for reading!


	5. One Mishap at a Time

**Chapter 5 – One Mishap at a Time**

It was difficult for me to sleep that night, my mind kept replaying the afternoon's events, berating myself for my lack of action. There was just too much going on at once, it was near impossible for me to focus properly on any one thing. First and foremost there was Kaname's latest stalker. Something seriously needed to be done about this freak. I was beyond frustrated with my inability to catch him, and it simply could not happen again. I wouldn't let Kaname suffer because of my stupid mistakes.

Next there was Noumen, who must have had some connection. It just seemed too much of a coincidence that he left the game shortly before the masked man appeared, saw me on the bench with Kazuki downtown, and returned to the field just in time to charm Kaname. I was sure he was involved in the scheme, though just how involved I had no idea.

Then there was the issue of the dance. It made me uncomfortable to see Kaname so upset, and even though I wasn't exactly sure why the dance meant so much to her, or how a large group of people swaying back and forth for hours could really be all that amusing, I hated to be somehow at fault for her unhappiness. I had to do something quickly before I seriously damaged our relationship... whatever that relationship may be.

Perhaps what worried me most was how this whole love thing was interfering with my mission. I had been so absorbed in calming my flustered nerves at the game that I hadn't seen the skeleton man until he was mere feet from Kaname. Now Kaname was stranding me at train stations and making protecting her that much more difficult because my feelings for her were clouding my judgment and making communication near impossible. Something had to be done about this quickly, or the mission and Kaname's life could be in serious jeopardy. It was important to remain on her good side so that she didn't constantly object to my presence, but would it be worse to get _too much_ on her good side? It seemed like the more Kaname warmed up to me, the angrier she got when I did something to disappoint her.

I sighed, staring up at the bottom of my bed and shifting uncomfortably on the floor. It was times like these I could really use reinforcements. However, all Kurz and Melissa ever seemed to do was tease me and confuse me even more. Things had been so much easier when I was in the desert dealing with guerilla tactics and land mines.

...but I didn't wish to be back there, not really. Kaname's presence in my life seemed to add another dimension that simply hadn't been there before, opening an entirely new set of possibilities I had never imagined. While the prospect of so much uncharted territory usually made me break out into a sweat, it was too much even for me to simply wish it all away. Maybe once you meet someone like Kaname, there's no going back.

There was a burst of static and I quickly rolled out from underneath my bed, snatching up the walkie-talkie that I had give Kaname the match to. There was a pause, and then Kaname's voice, unusually frightened and vulnerable sounding. This made my stomach turn, Kaname was hardly ever scared, and she was so angry with me that she would only contact me if it really were and emergency.

"Sousuke...?"

"Roger, Miss Chidori, what is the problem?" I was rushing out the door while I waited for a response, anxious to get to her apartment and make sure everything is okay.

"What did you say that guy looked like who was by the dugout this afternoon?"

My hand clenched around the walkie-talkie, if that man was bothering Kaname, I was going to put him through twelve kinds of pain. I swallowed, carefully keeping my tone even. "He was of average height and build, clad in entirely black with a skeleton mask on. He did not appear to be armed."

There was a muttering sound, but I couldn't make out the words. I waited a second before saying, "Miss Chidori, has there been an intruder?"

"Ah... no, not exactly..."

Not exactly? I quickened my pace, breaking into an all out sprint. That asshole, I'd teach him, you don't go around waking Kaname up on my watch and get away with it.

"That is..." she stuttered, seemingly in disbelief. "He's down on the curb under my balcony... rooting through my garbage."

I stopped short, her building coming into view. Indeed, down by the dumpsters was the very same masked man, snickering manically as he rummaged through the trash, glancing at things one at a time and tossing them over his shoulder if he found them uninteresting.

"Miss Chidori," I said solemnly, quickly ducking behind a bush. "I politely request that you remove yourself from the balcony and stay inside. Preferably under a table."

"What?"

I frowned, glancing at my watch. Only a few more seconds... "Please trust me, Chidori."

She said nothing, but I saw her shake her head up on her balcony and throw her arms up in the air, sliding the door shut behind her when she retreated inside. Once sure she was safely within her apartment I ducked, covering my head with arms just in time to dodge the sea of smoke and debris the resulted from the timed mine I had placed in her garbage can.

Once the dust had cleared enough to see, I darted out from the bush, and found the culprit limping away from the rubble. Ah-ha! You're not going to out-run me this time! I sped towards him, reaching out and almost grasping his shoulder when something dark flew up in front of my eyes, the sudden lack of vision causing me to trip and fall on my face. I struggled to my feet, the wind knocked out of me, and snatched whatever was on my head away, casting about for the man but…

Surprise, surprise, he was gone.

"Sousuke! What are you doing with my gym shorts? I've been looking all over for those!" I looked up to see Chidori had returned to her balcony and was now glaring angrily down at me through a missing chunk of railing that hadn't been there before the explosion. "And look what you did to my apartment!"

"I'm deeply sorry, Miss Chidori. Did you see which way the man went?"

"No, I was inside under a table like you said, you crazy jerk. I didn't see anything but my balcony getting blown up."

I groaned in frustration, looking up at the other balconies and fire escapes, around the edge of the buildings, in the dumpsters, finally weaving my hands through my hair tiredly. "This is ridiculous."

"No," Kaname called down harshly. "What's ridiculous is that you rigged my dumpster. Any garbage man could have been blown to bits!"

"Negative," I shook my head, moving out a few feet so I could gaze clearly up at her. "It was a time bomb that would only go off after meddling persists for some time. It is set so that ordinary emptying or other work would not disrupt it, but prolonged scavenging would detonate it. It is important to protect your privacy. Any villain could search though garbage for some clue to your personal life."

She sighed, yelping and stepping back when the rest of her railing gave way and fell in pieces to the ground in front of me. "Like my gym shorts?" she ground out.

"I think in this case the miscreant was merely looking for objects he found personally appealing."

"What the hell is appealing about my gym shorts?"

"I can't begin to explain the minds of troubled men, Miss Chidori."

"But the thing is, Sousuke," she said, rubbing her forehead angrily. "That those are from my gym locker, I didn't throw them away. I was really angry when they weren't where they were supposed to be yesterday and I had to borrow a pair."

This new information disturbed me. Whoever the masked man was had access to the girls' locker room, and time enough to grab them without being caught, and the disturbing desire to carry them around with him all the time, even on his night prowls. "I apologize, Miss Chidori, for my failure to protect you and your belongings."

She rolled her eyes. "What are you talking about? You almost blew the guy up."

I stuffed my hands into my pockets, trying to stay serious, but it was difficult to do so when she was standing there in her pajamas. This pair had little ducks all over them. She looked adorable. I shook my head to clear my thoughts. This was no laughing matter. "This is the third time I have been unable to capture him," I explained. "That is unacceptable." What was all my extensive training and experience for anyway, if I couldn't even catch a common pervert? I sighed, straightening up. Regret and self-reproach were useless trains of thought. All I could do now was use my new knowledge to prepare for the next attack. "Miss Chidori," I called up. "Please remain in your apartment. I will be up in a few moments to secure the area."

"Oh, go home, Sousuke. He's not going to come back after facing that many explosives. Get some sleep."

"Negative," I said firmly. "He could be standing by merely waiting for me to leave to make his real strike." She didn't look convinced, raising one eyebrow skeptically. "Please, Kaname," I said, swallowing. Saying her given name, bringing out the big guns, eh? "I would be much more comfortable if I knew you were safe."

Even from my distance I could see her annoyance melt away, leaving a resigned sort of affection. "Whatever, just don't keep standing there, it's a miracle the neighbors haven't woken up already, we don't have to keep shouting out here."

I smiled, making a note to clean this mess up in the morning, and going through the main entrance, taking the stairs two at a time to get to Kaname's place. I was about to knock on her door when it swung open, revealing Kaname standing there, leaning casually… okay, pretty much seductively, against the wall beside her.

I gulped, trying to make sense of why she was standing like that, why her hair was swept over one shoulder and falling into her eyes, why her eyes had a dark, playful glint to them. This was standard military operation here, not some secret evening visit…

"Hey, Stranger," she purred.

I blinked. "Ah… hello…?" I thought Kaname's voice sounded very nice normally. Purring makes it just unfairly attractive. She really shouldn't do that when I was trying to protect her.

She laughed, straightening up and smacking my shoulder. "I'm just playing!" she teased, turning around and entering her apartment, waving for me to follow. Just playing, huh? Well, that's… almost disappointing. "So," she said, her arm sweeping out to the room as I closed the door behind me. "Secure, or whatever you need to do. It's late."

I nodded, checking the locks on various windows and all of the air vents and other openings. Kaname watched me, seemingly amused, from the doorway to the kitchen. She gave in surprisingly easily this time around. Usually she put up a better fight and didn't like me messing around with her apartment. Maybe she had forgiven me for my apparently aggravating behavior earlier.

Once satisfied, I moved out to her balcony and promptly sat down Indian style, my back against the outer wall, facing out into the night. I'd just love to see that guy try anything now, I was in a perfect defensive position.

"Ah... Sousuke?" Kaname muttered behind me, not moving from where she was standing. "Everything's fine, right? You can go home now."

"Negative, Miss Chidori. I must keep watch in case the masked man decides to do anything suspicious again."

"Oh no," Kaname said firmly, moving to stand beside me. "He's not coming back, just go home and go to bed. It's almost 3 A.M., and we have an English test tomorrow, I need rest, too."

I set my jaw, my mind made up. "You may retire, Miss Chidori, I will guard you out here. There is no need to worry."

She exhaled, placing her hands on her hips and glaring straight ahead. "If you insist on staying, at least let me make up the couch for you, okay? You can't possibly be comfortable out here."

"It isn't a matter of comfort," I said, "this is the most vulnerable entrance to your apartment, so it is where I must stay."

She turned and reentered the apartment, muttering something under her breath about my being crazy. Frankly, I didn't understand her logic. She had seen the masked man loitering around her living space, what more proof did she need? Why did she insist that I was not mentally sound when my desire to protect her was obvious? I frowned, crossing my arms over my chest. Well, it didn't really matter what she thought. I wasn't going to let anything happen to her.

I was confused when I felt a heavy warmth settle over my shoulders, and looked up to see Kaname had returned in a bath robe and slippers, and had tucked a blanket around me. She made a face, taking a seat next to me and tucking her legs underneath her.

"It's chilly out," she said simply, settling back against the wall, her shoulder touching mine.

We lapsed into a comfortable silence, it was a little cold out, but there was a warmth between us that made me smile. I was perfectly content to just sit there like that for the rest of the night, but she felt the need to speak.

"Look Sousuke, I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier and running off like that."

I glanced at her in surprise. Kaname rarely apologized, especially in instances when she wasn't necessarily wrong. "It is quite alright, Miss Chidori."

"No, it's not," Kaname frowned. "I'm just stressed out about exams and college and student council and the dance and now this creepy guy... but I really shouldn't take it out on you."

I don't know where my sudden gall came from, but I don't care. I moved my arm underneath the blanket and gently took her hand in mine, holding my breath and remaining completely still in fear that she might slap me or push me off the balcony or some other exertion of her temper.

She didn't do any of those things though, just leaned her head on my shoulder, sighing slightly. I let my held breath out slowly, relaxing a bit, wanting to lean my head against hers but not wanting to push my courage or my luck.

"You know," she said quietly. "I think the problem is that too often I forget that you don't mean to piss me off... you just don't know any better."

For some reason her words twisted into my gut like a knife. It was true... I'm afraid I don't know any better. But that was a harsh and painful fact to me, the fact that my world is so disconnected from hers that even my best efforts might only serve to push her further away. It was not a comfort to think that at the heart of all this, I just did not understand Kaname or her world, that I was an outsider, through and through.

"I'm trying," I choked out, lowering my head a little, and she turned her face to look at me, her nose just inches from my cheek, her warm breath puffing against my skin. "I'm trying to... to know better."

She laughed slightly, returning her head to my shoulder and threading her fingers with mine. "Believe it or not, I can tell."

* * *

I woke up when the sun was bright in my eyes, finding my butt cold from the cement and my back sore from the way I had slouched in my sleep, one knee pulled up to my chest, the other leg straight out in front of me. I yawned and stretched when I realized I was on Kaname's balcony, that I had fallen asleep at some point during my watch. I sat up quickly when I found Kaname not next to me. I calmed my heart quickly. She probably just got up to go to her bed, or the bathroom, or... my panic increased when I saw a note in her place beside me, folded neatly.

A ransom note? I snatched it up quickly, flipping it open with shaking hands.

_Sousuke-_

_I had to go to an early guidance appointment. There's cereal on the counter and milk in the fridge, you know where the bowls and spoons are, help yourself. I'll see you in homeroom._

_-Kaname_

I briefly wondered whether someone had forged her writing, but after thoroughly checking the apartment I saw no signs of forced entry or a struggle. I will admit that I was shaken by her absence, however. I didn't understand how I didn't sense her leave, or hear the door close, or the shower run. This on top of my recent failed attempts at catching the masked man made me seriously question my capabilities. Was I growing soft? Was life as a civilian taking its toll on my skills?

I pondered this on my way to school, wondering also at the recent number and frequency of Kaname's guidance appointments. Kaname was always an ambitious person, so it made sense that she would be in the career office a lot, but she had already been accepted to Tokyo University, her first choice, and that was all behind her so I hadn't the slightest clue why she continued to meet with her counselor. Maybe it wasn't a college thing, maybe it was a family or an emotional thing. Kaname had her share of hard times, she probably had a lot she wanted to get off her chest. For a brief moment the sign from the other day in the office popped into my head…

ARE YOU GAY? IT'S OKAY!

…but I promptly dismissed it. Kaname might be independent and aggressive, but that didn't make her a lesbian. Besides, lesbians don't cuddle up to their male friends under the stars. Or do they?

I scoffed, offering Kaname a small smile when I entered homeroom. She was right there where she was supposed to be. She had not been abducted or injured or anything else out of the ordinary. I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding in and was about to take my seat when I was jerked back by someone grabbing my elbow.

I frowned, looking up to see Noumen had pulled me back into the hallway, and was now standing next to me with his head bent down, his voice hushed.

"Hey, Sagara, right?"

I nodded slowly, not in the mood for intimate conversation with this big shot.

"Listen, I need to ask a favor of you."

A favor? Yeah sure. Right after I turn Kaname over to the KGB. I merely raised an eyebrow in response.

He smiled, for some reason reading my expression as willingness. "Okay, I know you and Kaname are really good friends."

Ha! At least we have that clear.

"Anyway, I really have thing for her…"

No way, I had no idea.

"…and I was hoping you could help me out. I know she tells you stuff. I was wondering if you could clue me in as to what kinds of stuff she likes. You know what kind of things I should talk to her about, where she might like to go on dates, all that stuff…"

Whaaaaat? Are you kidding me? Do you even know who you're talking to? Why the hell would I do something like that? I narrowed my brow, wondering if perhaps my feelings for Kaname weren't as painfully obvious as I had thought they were. Surely, if Noumen knew that I loved Kaname he wouldn't be asking me this. "I'm afraid that won't be possible," I said flatly.

Noumen looked earnestly confused, and surprised to receive such an answer. "What? How come?"

I sighed, thinking over my words carefully. I wasn't sure how much I wanted to tell this lothario. He could use the information against me, or against Kaname, or he could just go spread rubbish around the school that would likely make both Kaname and me uncomfortable. It was then, when my eyes trailed to the ground in thought, that I noticed that Noumen was on crutches, and that his right leg had a cast.

I contained my angry accusation, knowing that without any solid evidence it would be useless and that shouting that the star student-athlete of the school had been donning a skeleton mask and chasing the girl I loved around would only make me look foolish. I settled for a firm, angry scowl. "That would be an extreme conflict of interest."

I turned away from him at that, marching quickly back into homeroom to inform Kaname of my discovery. She had to be careful around Noumen from now on. It all matched up, there was no mistake. I almost laughed at the fact that the previous day I had wished that Noumen would do something to make me demand Kaname keep her distance from him, and now he had done just that. It was almost lucky. Except it was actually rather disturbing. Now I only had to catch him in the act.

I took the seat next to Kaname, leaning over to speak privately to her. Not wanting to just blurt out my findings, I decided to beat around the bush for once. "How was your guidance appointment, Miss Chidori?"

"Oh, it was canceled," she yawned. "Apparently Mr. Takamori is out sick. I'll have to reschedule." I nodded, and apparently I wasn't good at concealing that I had a secret, because she said "well, you look like a mouse who found the cheese."

"Miss Chidori, I know who the man in the skeleton mask is."

"Really?" she said, raising her eyebrows. "Who?"

"Noumen Danko," I said resolutely.

"What? Oh please, Sousuke, that's outrageous."

"No, it isn't," I insisted. "Yesterday he left the game just shortly before the masked man appeared, and then he was downtown to see Kazuki and I on the bench, and then he made it back just before I did. Then last night the masked man's leg was injured in the explosion, I saw him limp away, and today Noumen has a cast on his leg."

"I heard he broke it when he flew over the handlebars of his bike last night."

"I think it's a cover story," I said. "The timing is just too convenient."

"I don't know," Kaname said quietly, leaning back in her chair. "Danko is really popular, he has girls fawning over him all the time. Why would he need to play in the dirt behind the dugout or sort through my trash? That doesn't make sense."

"Misfits need no logic," I said solemnly. "There will probably never be an explanation for his actions." She didn't seem entirely convinced, although I was relieved to see that she was at least considering what I was saying. "Please be cautious around him, Miss Chidori, and make sure to stay on your toes."

* * *

That afternoon I sat, rather self-consciously, among a crowd of other students in Mr. Takehana's room for the philosophical discussion on love I had seen advertised a few days earlier. I had been much too nervous to ask Kaname to come along, and didn't know anyone else in the room, so I tried my best to blend in. Despite my embarrassment at being there, it seemed to me like I was admitting to having symptoms of love, I was eager to hear what other students and particularly the teacher had to say on the topic. Perhaps if I had some sort of measuring stick of other people's experience to compare to my own feelings, I could have a better idea of what course of action I should follow.

"Okay!" Mr Takehana said, moving to the front of the room. "I'm glad to see you all here, thank you for taking time away from your after school activities to participate." He smiled widely, surveying his students of the afternoon. "I always think the concept of love is an important one for young people to discuss, as it is often a prominent factor in your lives… or at least, many of you would like it to be."

Would _like_ it to be? Love seemed like a harsh, controlling, restraining, frightening condition to me. Why would someone wish for that?

"But," Mr. Takehana continued, "I find that too often it is misunderstood, or misused. While most people of my age can agree that love is the very thing worth living for, even dying for, if you don't have very much experience with it, it can be a very frightening prospect indeed. How many friends have you lost because you fought over some boy or girl? How many stupid things have you done because you felt nervous around someone you think you might love? How many stupid things have you said to impress someone you would like to love you back? These feelings between people are like fire… they can warm you and keep your life vibrant, but they can also burn you, if you get too close or you mishandle it."

I found my mouth had fallen open in amazement. What a perfect analogy! Mr. Takehana was basically verbalizing all the worries I had had since that day I looked love up in the dictionary.

"You might be thinking that love is complex or confusing, or even just annoying because it gets the better of you. Maybe it gets in your way, it's distracting and intimidating. However, I am confident that in time you will realize that love, whether it's with a boyfriend or girlfriend, or even the love you have for your family, is one of the only things that will truly satisfy you in life. If you are with someone you love, it is much easier to work through difficulties and hardships, bad times don't seem as bad, and it is much more possible to find the energy and strength to keep your head held high. Love removes the factor of isolation from our lives, and isolation practically nullifies our existence. If no one loves us, if no one cares whether or not we are here, then what is the point of our living at all? Love gives purpose to the individual."

I found myself furiously scribbling notes. _1) Love may improve morale. 2) Love may serve as an energy booster. Frex. Adrenaline? 3) Love may provide or clarify mission objectives._

I tuned out of the discussion for several minutes, reading and rereading my new list, feeling a little better already. I will admit that I had been for the most part only considering the drawbacks of the whole love thing, and while I was grateful it was Kaname I had fallen in love with, I still wasn't entirely excited about the condition itself. Now it seemed like if I acted responsibly, some good might come out of this. Still, the last bit of the definition I had looked up nagged at the back of my mind, and I could afford to push it aside no longer.

_7. To thrive on; need._

Without another thought, I raised my hand.

The teacher nodded at me with a smile. "Yes, Mr. Sagara?"

I cleared my throat. "Sir, while the apparent benefits of love are many, I still question its practicality. I can think of many situations in which love would be a disadvantage. Take for example a soldier who falls in love with the girl he is assigned to protect."

"That's certainly an ethical dilemma," Mr. Takehana said, scratching his chin gently. "Well, ceteris paribus, that is, if the soldier and the girl are of the same age and means, and if the girl loves him as well, then the question is a little simpler. In this case, it is obvious that pursuing a relationship with the girl would probably involve either leaving his military career behind completely or at least decreasing his commitment. The important thing to ask himself here would be, what kind of man does he suppose he is?"

I was beginning to sweat. This was extremely confusing and very personal, I felt like everyone in the room must know we were talking about me, that I really should have chosen another analogy. "Sir?" I gulped.

"Well, is he a man of duty, or a man of life?" Mr. Takehana had moved to the window, deep in thought. "Love would only truly be a distraction to this man if his destiny is really a path of war and violence. It is always essential to consider not one's course at the moment, but the overall course of his life. If a man, by nature, bases his life on love and affection, then the real distraction is his work for the military"

I gawked at that. I had never considered that being involved in Mithril might be the error, that being with Kaname might be the natural way of things. The thought made me feel nauseous, as it basically negated everything I'd ever done since as long as I could remember. Of course the military was my destiny, I was skilled and trained and respected, I had a fulfilling career in front of me. Kaname was the side track, not the other way around.

"In any case, I would advise the soldier to follow his heart. If he truly feels he belongs in the military, then so be it. However, there will always be arms to take up. There will always be causes that need champions. However, this woman, if he's really in love… well, there's only one of her."

I frowned. Mr. Takehana seemed to be leaving out an important consideration. "What about the safety of the woman? Perhaps getting involved with her would endanger or inconvenience her?"

"Well, love has the amazing ability to take us out of the mundane," Mr. Takehana smiled. "How about the girls in this class? Do you have any opinions to share?" He surveyed the room for a moment before calling on someone in the back. I was eager to hear from a female perspective, and twisted in my chair to see who would be speaking.

"I have a feeling the girl would rather lead a troubled life with the man she loves than a long and redundant one without him." Kaname said.

I whipped back front, choking on my own breath. Holy shit! How long had she been there? Did she hear the whole thing? My whole example? That's practically a confession right there! I felt like bolting from the room and never coming back. I wanted to crash my skull against the wall, or drown myself, or at least give myself a few good whacks with her fan… damn that thing always felt like it packed more punch than a paper fan should. What would Kaname think of me? She would probably ask for a new bodyguard now, she would probably think I was just as bad as all the other perverts, using my assigned proximity to her to fulfill my own wishes. She'd probably never trust me again.

The discussion continued around me, but I felt like screaming. It was at that moment that what she actually said began to filter through my brain. _"I have a feeling the girl would rather lead a troubled life with the man she loves than a long and redundant one without him."_ Was this theoretical? Or was it theoretical in the same way I would theoretically go to the dance with someone in the dress she showed me yesterday? Did she actually mean that… in regards to herself?

I sat back in my chair, needing desperately to process this information before asking any more questions. This would require many more pro/con lists, and probably a confrontation with Kaname. If I knew for sure that she was going through the same thing I was, this entire situation would be so much easier to get under control. At least we could pool our resources and strategize together. I snuck a peek back at Kaname, my heart still thundering in my chest. She was folding something on her desk, a look of cool concentration across her face.

Well gee, I certainly wish I were in the right mind to be making origami.

I turned front again. Maybe it really didn't mean anything to her. Maybe she was just playing along with the example. Maybe she hadn't even caught on. Maybe –

Something struck me in the back of the head, and I looked down to see a paper airplane flutter to my feet. I bent over to pick it up, glancing up to see Kaname raise an eyebrow appraisingly at me once before turning back to the teacher.

I struggled to maintain my composure, carefully unfolding the airplane and flattening it out on my desk. It appeared to be a page torn from a book, upon a second glance I saw that Kaname had a philosophy text opened on her desk underneath her elbows. I swallowed heavily, looking back at the dismantled plane.

At the top it had scrawled blue ink in Kaname's handwriting that read: _Sousuke, you're such an idiot._

I sighed, she really did think less of me now. Well, maybe not, she always called me an idiot, from day one.

I read on. Underneath her message was a printed quote.

_What we need to know about loving is no great mystery. We all know what constitutes loving behavior; we need but act upon it, not continually question it. Over-analysis often confuses the issue and in the end brings us no closer to insight. We sometimes become too busy classifying, separating, and examining, to remember that love is easy. It's we who make it complicated.  
- Leo Buscaglia _

I read the message several times, resisting the urge to look up at her again. She knew. She knew exactly what was going on this whole time. So much for being covert. I picked up my pen with shaking hands, turning the paper over and scrawling hastily, on impulse: _Go to the dance with me?_ Without giving myself another second to chicken out, I folded the airplane back up. Of course, it took quite some time as I made a perfectly scaled replica of a stealth bomber, but soon enough it was finished and I was poised to throw.

I threw it.

And it landed.

Right.

On.

Kazuki's

Desk.

How I refrained from screaming, I have no idea.

Kaname also looked horrified, knowing the message was meant for her, and leaned forward, snatching for it.

Kazuki on the other hand looked thrilled to be the recipient of a note, and picked it up eagerly.

Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit.

Her fingers pried open the wings, having some difficulty unfolding it because of the complexity of my design. Piece by piece the plane was taken apart… the nose, the cockpit, the thrusters, even the wing flaps… any second now, just a few more folds…

Suddenly the plane was yanked from her hands, causing her to cry out indignantly.

"I'm glad you feel that since your silly question has been answered you can use the rest of the session to throw projectiles, Mr. Sagara." Mr. Takehana was standing by Kazuki's desk, glaring at me blandly and crushing the paper into a tiny ball in his fist.

My throat was so dry it took several tries before I could speak. "Please excuse me, sir, I meant no offense." I don't think such relief had _ever_ passed over me, and considering how many narrow victories in battle I had experienced, that was really saying something.

Mr. Takehana shook his head exasperatedly, tossing the ball of paper carelessly at me and returning to the head of the class. I caught the ball easily, stuffing it into my mouth without another thought. After a few chews, I had swallowed the whole disaster completely. I was a little sad to lose the quote that Kaname had so thoughtfully picked out, but the risk of the paper falling into Kazuki's hands was far too great not to destroy the evidence.

I looked back one more time. Kazuki looked positively depressed, and Kaname was biting on her fist, obviously trying to contain laughter. At the sight I chuckled to myself, because when Kaname laughs, I laugh. When Kaname smiles, I smile. It works out, see, because I love Kaname, and for the first time since I found that out, the thought doesn't completely terrify me.

* * *

Woo, I am on such a roll with this, I can't stop writing! A large part of that is due to my readers, your feedback on the last chapter was so motivating, it was so thoughtful and helpful, and I _really_ appreciate it. Big thanks to Suzu22, NefCanuck, Anime Crazed, randomfangirl, Zefrn, minitsu, Meffeoel, Kabashka, and Katearah. You guys are the best!

Now to answer some questions:

Randomfangirl – patience is a virtue eh? I hope you liked the explosion, though I disagree with you that bombs are essential to Sousuke's character .

Zefrn – If Sousuke sounds like a girl… well, that's because _I_ am a girl, and try as I might to write a teenage boy, I can only be so effective. I'm trying my best though, so I apologize for any potential girliness that works its way into his character. I've never been a teenage boy so this is all guesswork. Luckily for me, Sousuke isn't crass or disgusting, because I have no idea how I'd manage _that_ perspective!

And just a few more random notes: Noumen Danko is my token asshole, he appears in almost all of my stories, hahaha. He's originally from "Real World Kenshin." Gotta love 'im. I'm not sure how much longer this will be but at least 3 chapters I think. I am planning a sequel though, and you will finally get a Kaname POV, which so many of you have been asking for!

Thanks for reading!


	6. Crossing the Line

**Dazed and Confused – Chapter 6**

The sun was setting, but it was still much too hot for my liking. I sighed, reached up to wipe the sweat from my forehead, and surveyed my handiwork. I was almost finished repairing Kaname's balcony, but it had taken all Saturday afternoon. I was determined to complete it today, so with another sigh I picked up my hammer again and continued pounding away at the loose nails.

I wish I wore sun screen. I had decided early on to discard my shirt, but I was beginning to regret that as I imagined the burns that I would likely wake up with the following day. Whatever, it was way too hot to put it back on.

I heard the sliding door behind me and turned in my crouch to give Kaname a smile. She had just emerged with a pitcher of lemonade and two glasses in hand, padding over in her flip-flops and sitting down next to me.

"How's it going?" she asked, pouring me a glass.

I gave my thanks and took a few long gulps, soothed by the cold liquid running down my throat. Things between us had been... different since that day in philosophy class. She hadn't said anything to me about it, and I really had no idea how to raise the topic, so it was almost as if nothing ever happened. Except, that is, that something definitely _did_ happen. I could see it in her eyes and her smile, and there was something in her voice like a secret… a spark. It was as if we both knew the other was hiding something, and we knew exactly what they were hiding, but something held us back from bringing it out in the open. It was intense... it was... it was electric. I liked it.

"I'm just about done putting the railing back up," I said, placing my empty glass down beside me. "Then, I just need to paint it to match the rest."

She nodded, reaching back to pull her hair up into a high ponytail. I studied her profile against the fading orange sky, the gentle slope of her nose and the fringe of her lashes. It really was lucky that I was assigned such a beautiful girl to protect; Kurz was right. I wondered briefly how different my life would be if someone else were whispered, if my mission were in another town with another girl, but I shook those thoughts quickly from my head. However many awkward, embarrassing, life-threatening moments I had to endure because of Kaname, I wouldn't ever ask for her not to be in my life. There were times when I wondered if someone else would do a better job protecting her, if maybe my feelings were putting her at risk, but I wouldn't trade the time I spent with her for anything.

"You can stay inside where it's cooler," I offered when she didn't seem to be getting up to leave anytime soon.

"Nah, I like it out here. I'm enjoying the view."

I looked around at the pretty average sights around her building… more buildings and some smog. I made a face, watching as she picked up my discarded shirt and folded it neatly to keep it from wrinkling. What view was she referring to? Maybe the heat was getting to her.

I shrugged, turning back to the nail I was plugging away at when she called my attention back to her.

"What happened there?" she asked. It took me a moment to realize what she was talking about before I noticed she was indicating a long, pink scar across one of my biceps.

"Oh… battle scars." I forced a laugh. "They all sort of blend together. I can never tell their origins apart." That wasn't true at all; I remembered where all of my scars came from, much too clearly for my taste. She frowned, and I could tell she knew I was lying, but I wasn't really fazed. It never felt right to me, discussing the grittier aspects of my life with Kaname. Our worlds were so separate, and I liked it that way; it made me feel sick to think about her mixed up in military affairs. Maybe that was childish, and maybe I should get used to it. Various malicious secret agencies were always trying to capture her, and she had already been frequently exposed to Mithril operations… but I still wanted to shield her from that. Protecting her was more than just making sure no one knifed her in her sleep. At least, to me it was. Kaname didn't ask to be drawn into all of this; I wanted to preserve her way of life.

I raised an eyebrow curiously when I noticed her rummaging through my box of supplies to procure an extra paint brush. She then pried open the can if white paint I'd brought along and dipped the brush in leisurely.

"What are you doing?" I asked, confused.

"You're going too slowly." She rolled her eyes, wiping the excess paint from her brush on the rim of the can before running it down one of the new bars in the railing. "So, I'm going to help."

"Miss Chido-"

She cut me off with a warning glare and a quick clearing of her throat.

"Kaname," I corrected myself. It was getting a little easier to call her by her first name, thought I still felt she should be addressed more respectfully. "I was the one who destroyed your balcony; there is no need for you to contribute to the repairs."  
"Maybe," she said with a shrug, continuing her work at a steady pace. "But it will go faster if I help. Then maybe we can do something together tonight."

I just nodded, speechless. I knew my reaction was ridiculous. We do stuff together all the time… trips to the arcade, food consumption, walks around the park or in the city, movies… but ever since I'd first looked love up in the dictionary and even more since our paper airplane exchange, time spent with her seemed more significant. What was a date? What wasn't a date? Was it only a date if I paid for it or if some physical contact occurred? What did she think? Were we going on dates all along and I just didn't know it? Or, were we really just friends and I was completely misreading when she looked at me in a certain way, when our hands brushed together, or when she forgave me for something stupid I had done when normally I would receive a few quick whacks from her fan?

What really frustrated me most was that all of the skills and expertise I had acquired from years of training and battle experience were rendered useless in this environment.

I knew how to speak in military code, I knew how to use complex communication devices, I even knew smoke signals, but I just couldn't talk to this girl. I just felt so helpless, knowing exactly what I wanted to say to her and knowing somehow that she wanted me to say it, and yet… Suddenly, the life I'd been leading felt so small… as strange as that sounds. I'd been all around the world, but it seemed I had barely scratched the surface when it comes to the expected course of a man's life. School, teenage politics, home economics, girls… it's a jungle in here! So often in the military I thought of civilians almost as another race, and it was my job to protect their strange little ant farm so they could keep scurrying about their business. Yet, even without arm slaves, battle tactics, and hostage situations, these people faced challenges and difficulties every day of their own kind. After all, I could honestly say that telling Kaname how I felt about her was more difficult for me than facing down Gauron had been. It was a truly perplexing predicament.

"Hey, I didn't say I'd do the whole thing for you!" Kaname snapped, irritated. I realized that I had stopped working and had become completely caught up in my thoughts.

I quickly muttered an apology and picked up my own paintbrush, joining in the final step of the reparations. About a half hour later we sat back on our heels, admiring our work.

Kaname gave me a satisfied smile, dropping her paint brush in the water bucket and getting to her feet. "I think it looks better than it did before you blew it up!" she said, brushing her hands together.

I nodded, gathering up the materials and sorting out the brushes that needed to be cleaned. "I added in a few extra features for safety, such as reinforced iron tubing inside the wood and braces along the railing. It should not fall apart so easily, next time."

"Easily?" Kaname rolled her eyes, shaking her head at me. "Sousuke, you blew it up."

"I'm glad you see it my way," I said, hesitating for a moment as she took her hair down. I always found it difficult to speak when she did that, paralyzed for the few seconds when her hair bounced around her shoulders before settling in a frame around her face. "Ah… Miss Chi… Kaname," I said finally, closing the lid on my tool box. "Perhaps," _don't hesitate, don't make it a bigger deal than it is, don't stop, say something!_ "I could take you…" _to the dance to the dance to the dance!_ "…out for ice cream," I finished lamely, repressing a self-reproachful groan.

Kaname didn't seem disappointed though. In fact, her smile only grew when I met her gaze. "Yeah, I'd li-" she suddenly checked herself with a cough. "Okay, sure…if you promise not to blow anything else up along the way."

"I cannot make such a guarantee," I said solemnly. "However, I will make a sincere effort to only make use of explosives when absolutely necessary."

She seemed satisfied by that, and soon enough the supplies were put away, I was once again fully clothed, and we were walking leisurely down the street towards the ice cream shop. It really was incredibly hot. I could see the heat shimmering over the asphalt until the sun went down, leaving the sky a dark, streaked purple. Unfortunately, the night brought no relief; the air was just as hot and humid as ever.

I heard Kaname sigh gladly when the ice cream shop came into view. She even took up my hand and tugged at it to make me walk faster, humming under her breath.

"I'm going to get four scoops of strawberry. No, two strawberry and two chocolate. Or maybe two strawberry, one chocolate, and one mint chocolate chip. Or maybe..."

I just smiled gently, hoping my hand wasn't too sweaty, and watched her animated face as she listed the various possibilities.

Kaname stopped short and dropped my hand, letting out a tragic moan and leaning her forehead against the glass door of the store. "Closed!" she whined. "In this heat? What are they thinking?"

I glanced at the sign on the door to see that the owners were on vacation and wouldn't be back until the following week.

Kaname looked utterly crestfallen, turning to lean her back against the door and fanning herself desperately with her hand. "It's so hot," she groaned.

I thought for a moment, not wanting to let her down. "I think there's another ice cream shop nearby."

"Really?" She said, her face lighting up. "A new one opened?"

"No, it's been there for some time," I said proudly, surprised that I knew something about the city that Kaname didn't. "Follow me, it's just 18 blocks this way."

"18 blocks!" Kaname growled, smacking my arm lightly. "That might be 'nearby' to you, G.I. Sou, but I don't think I can move from this spot. It's way too hot. I think I'll just sit down right here and wait until winter."

Hm, I had forgotten that Kaname was not accustomed to long distance marches like I was. 18 blocks was really not far at all in my mind, but I guess distance is always relative. "Might I suggest not sitting in that spot, there appears to be several cigarette butts on that particular patch of pavement."

She grumbled, glaring at me, and sat down on a nearby bench with a huff. I shrugged, taking a seat next to her.

"I wish I lived in one of those fancy condominium complexes with a pool," she lamented, brushing some sweat-dampened bangs from her forehead. We sat in thoughtful silence for a few moments before she sat up straight and turned to me with a grin. "Hey, I have an idea!" She stood up, grabbing my arm and tugging me to my feet.

"What is your idea?" I asked, carefully pulling her aside when, in her excitement, she wandered into the path of a bicyclist.

"Just come with me," she said, ignoring her near brush with injury. She started at a quick pace down the block, waving for me to follow her. I did so, of course, and in a few minutes she stopped in front of a tall, chain-link fence.

I glanced around. There didn't seem to be anyone else on the streets, which was very odd, and there were only a few streetlights. I squinted as Kaname took one look at the locked gate and started to scale the barrier.

"Miss Chidori, what is this?" I asked, apprehensive to say the least.

"Never mind, just help me up," she said, her progress slow and difficult.

I shook my head, taking her by the waste and bringing her back down to the ground easily. "Trespassing is probably not the safest idea," I said solemnly, absently straightening her shirt where my hands had skewed it.

"Oh come on," she said, rolling her eyes. "As if you haven't done this before. Just help me up; it's not a big deal."

I was skeptical, but it did seem somewhat hypocritical to refuse to do this when I couldn't even count the number of times I had done similar things in the past. If I could wander around in an abandoned hospital, I guess I could climb over a fence. I gave her one last hard look before I backed up a few steps. Giving myself a running start, I was up and over the fence in only a few seconds. Once on the other side, I glanced around in the dark to make sure no one else was there. I couldn't see very far, but it appeared we were alone. Once I confirmed we were secure, I unlocked the gate from the inside and let Kaname in. "Now," I said, "what exactly do you..."

I trailed off dumbly, sweat breaking out on my forehead as Kaname stepped in, away from the street, turned her back to me, and... took her shirt off.

My throat went completely dry, and I gaped. She tossed the garment on the ground as if it offended her, and I just stood there with my mouth hanging open. It was difficult to see much of anything because of the darkness, but her shoulders and the small of her back looked almost translucent in the dim moonlight.

"Ka…Kaname," I choked, "Why are you removing your clothing?"

She glanced over her shoulder and scowled. "Turn around, you pervert."

I did as I was told, in a numb state of shock. The brief glance I got at the back of her black… okay, how ridiculous is it that I'm embarrassed to say 'bra?' Whatever. The point is I was extremely disconcerted and more than a little uncomfortable, although admittedly not uncomfortable enough to want her to put her shirt back on. I stood perfectly still, hands shoved nervously in my pockets as I heard the rustling of more clothing behind me. Just how much was she going to take off!

After a few more moments, I heard a loud 'splash' and whirled about, squinting into the darkness. "Kaname?"

"Over here," she called, "the water is fine."

Water? I followed her voice around the corner of another building to see a large in-ground swimming pool, completely unlit and deserted. Kaname was hanging onto the edge in the deep-end, looking up to me. I frowned down at her, using all of my will-power to keep my eyes on her face. "What is this place?'

"It's the public swimming pool," she said. "It's always way too crowded in the day-time, but it closes when it gets dark, so we have it all to ourselves!" She pushed some stray wet bangs out of her eyes with a smile. "So come in! It's really nice."

"With all due respect," I said, "I don't think that's a very good idea. There is no lifeguard on duty, and your safety is extremely important."

Kaname glared at me, her annoyance clear even in the darkness. "You're telling me that you can jump out of planes into the ocean, crash land on submarines, protect me from psychopaths, and operate complex machinery, but you couldn't save me if I swallowed some water?"

Meh, why did she always have to outsmart me? "Well…"

"You can swim, can't you? There might be some floaties over there if you need help," she said sarcastically, jerking her head towards the large bins by the pool.

I straightened up, beaming. "Yes, ma'am. I have completed training in several different strokes, surface diving, deep water diving, scuba, underwater mine detection, CPR, search and rescue in aquatic circumstances, basic and advanced flotation, enhanced lung capacity-"

"Great," she said blandly, "so come on in!"

I started to sweat even more, almost shuffling my feet. Okay okay… let's see… excuses, need another excuse. Hold on a second. The girl I supposedly love is wet, practically naked, and asking me to join her… why am I trying to come up with an excuse again? Why was pushing Kaname away such a reflex anyway? This was a very complex psychological matter, it seemed, that deserved significant thought. If-

"Why are you just standing there?" Kaname sighed, exasperated. "Strip!"

I jerked back. "Ah…"

"Oh _please_," she moaned. "It's the Sahara out there, and it's nice in here-"

"Actually," I interjected. "I've been to the Sahara, it's nothing like this."

She ignored me. "No one is around, we're not going to get caught, safety issues are covered, and damn it, Sousuke, you've seen me without clothes on before, so get over whatever modesty issues you're hanging onto."

"But Chidori," I said lamely, "if we should be attacked, you would be extremely vulnerable naked."

"I'm not _naked_," she rolled her eyes. "There's this stuff, it's called underwear, not sure you had it in the army but it's really handy. See, it-"

"I am aware of such garments," I said.

"Super. Now take your clothes off."

Ehhhhhhh…

"Look, unless you want all of the firearms and explosives I know you're hiding in your pockets to get wet, you better just take off your clothes." She let go of the side to tread water, obviously growing impatient. She turned away from me. "See, I'm facing the other way. Go ahead, I won't peek." She laughed.

Well, I didn't want her in there alone, and she didn't seem so keen to come out… I would just have to be extra alert and on guard. Gathering up all of my wits, I deftly pulled my shirt over my head for the second time that day, discarding it on the ground, and reached for my belt.

"Take it all off?" I said skeptically, starting on the buckle.

"Yes," she said as if it were obvious. "Wait, no. Leave your boxers on, of course. Unless, that is, you go commando, sir."

"Ah… no," I grumbled, slipping my shoes and socks off and then my pants. I stood there for another few moments.

"Don't make me drown so you have to come in and save me," she warned, turning around as I stepped down the ladder, truthfully relieved as the cool water spread over my skin. Swimming might be a good idea after all. The heat really was unpleasant, and being in the cold pool made being around such a scantily clad Kaname a much easier task.

"You made it!" her smile was dripping with false admiration. "I'm so proud of you."

I just frowned at her, following along as she motioned for me to join her at the other end of the pool. Once we got there, I folded my elbows on the side, watching her carefully. Luckily there were no undercurrents or poisonous animals, as this was a swimming pool, but water was still a risk.

"C'mon!" she grinned, pressing her feet against the wall and hanging onto the edge with just her fingertips. "Let's race!"

"I don't think-"

But she ignored me, her face set with determination. "3... 2... 1... go!" She pushed off against the wall, floating backwards quickly in a rather skilled use of the backstroke.

I sighed and did the same, glancing to the side out of the corner of my eye to keep tabs on her position in the pool. I was easily a stronger swimmer than she was, and was ahead of her after only a few seconds even though she had an early start. When we were about halfway down the length of the pool, I slowed my stroke just enough to let her get ahead, then kept pace with her until the end, Kaname touching the opposite wall just before I did.

I tried my best to look forlorn, expecting her to celebrate her victory, but she just glared, splashing at me. "You jerk, why did you let me win?"

"I didn't," I said innocently, raising my hands in surrender. "You're a very good swimmer."

"Yeah, I am," she agreed, then straightened up, probably trying to mimic me, and doing an embarrassingly good job. "But, you're a _specialist_."

Hmm... true.

"Don't tell me you're not a better swimmer than I am," Kaname chided. "You've had training up the wazoo. Aside from fitting in with normal people, there's nothing you can't do." While that might be a compliment coming from most people, Kaname did not seem impressed. I wasn't very flattered either, considering fitting in with normal people was one of my only objectives on this mission.

She sighed, turning over on her back and floating slowly into the center of the pool. I followed suit, leaning back with my stomach up, floating a few feet away, our fingertips were almost touching in the water. We were quiet, and I let my gaze drift to the stars. Nothing I can't do, eh? If that were really true, then these past few weeks wouldn't have been so damn confusing and painful. These past few weeks made my training seem incomplete and inadequate. My life had been almost void of social feelings and interactions, and suddenly, it made much more sense to me why I was so much better than my peers at remaining cool and detached in dangerous situations. I didn't even know what affection was… so how could it get in my way? How could I fear losing it? Perhaps I was not a superior soldier at all… just a naïve one. It was clear to me now that there were plenty of things I couldn't do… I was terrible in history class, I couldn't remotely understand the female psyche, I didn't have any kind of fashion sense, masked men seemed to have some resistance to me, I could barely keep evidence out of the hands of the enemy, and…

"I can't dance," I said blankly, causing Kaname to turn her head curiously. "There are things I can't do… I don't know how to dance."

She righted herself, pushing her hair back behind her ears. "Well, you just listen to the music and… move around. It's fun! It's not hard; you just do whatever you want!"

_Well see, the thing is that I'm used to taking orders. It's when people leave me to my own devices that things get blown up and amusement park workers get violated, remember?_

She continued, smiling at me. "Slow dancing is easy, too. I think it used to be a lot harder, but these days all you do is sway back and forth. It's kind of boring, actually."

I straightened as well, cocking my head in confusion. "If it's boring, then why is it so popular?"

"It's just an excuse for horny teens to rub up against each other, if you ask me." She took my hand firmly, swimming over to a shallower area, where we could both touch bottom comfortably. "Here, I'll teach you."

_Wait, didn't you just tell me it's an excuse for hormonal teenagers to rub up against each other?_ She took one of my hands in hers and placed my other one on her waist, snaking her free arm up across my shoulders, her finger tips spreading over my skin.

_Just what are you trying to say?_

"The most important thing is that you move in the same direction and you try not to step on the girl's feet," she said, trading her weight from one foot to the other at a steady pace.

_That sounds easy enough, and under any other circumstances it might be, but come on Kaname, you're not wearing any clothes._ I went totally rigid, keeping my eyes straight over her head, my hand on her bare waist under the water enough to make me question my profession. Why do I spend all my time with machines, again?

"You've got to loosen up," she laughed, moving a little closer to me. "You're not even moving at all."

_No, no, for your own safety, I ask that you don't move any closer. I have not been faced with the adversary that is my hormones many times, and I cannot guarantee my stability. _

"Sousuke," she said, clearly exasperated. "Left, right, left right, and we sort of move in a circle, you know?" She was moving back and forth more forcefully now, trying to get me to follow her lead. I wasn't being very cooperative, but I couldn't help it. In an effort to get me to move with her, she pressed right up against me, the only thing separating our skin was our soaked undergarments.

I swallowed, my eyes practically bulging. _If you don't back away Kaname, we might not get out of this alive._ Okay, think, process, say something. Break the tension. Take your mind off of the situation. Think of something else. Blood. Carnage. Mardukas.

She sighed when I hesitantly started to move, resting her cheek on my shoulder and lacing her fingers through mine. Even through the mask of the chlorine, her hair smelled so good. How do girls do that? Their hair always smells good. I became a little less tense, the calm swaying helping rein my nerves in a little. However, the second I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding in, I became acutely aware of the cool water sluicing over our overheated skin, the way the thick air settled over our shoulders, her breath across my neck, and her chest... against my chest, and-

HELMAJISTAN, DAMN IT. STARVATION. CHARRED FLESH.

"Don't worry so much," Kaname said quietly, and I glanced down to see her eyes closed, before I hurriedly averted my gaze. Her body looked much too appealing at this time. Such thoughts were completely inappropriate. Especially about Kaname. I didn't want to think about the number of fan whacks I'd receive if she could read my mind.

I could feel her tilt her head to look up at me, but I didn't dare meet her gaze. One look at those eyes and I knew all my restraint would be gone.

"What are you thinking about?"

_Uhhhhhh... something between pushing you up against the pool wall and experimenting with our anatomy and people getting their limbs blown off._

I coughed. "I'm trying to focus."

Either she had no idea what trauma I was enduring, or she didn't care, because she kept talking as if we weren't embracing half naked in the dark. "We're in the water-"

Yes! Half naked in the dark _and wet!_

"-so you won't be able to trip or fall. Just try to relax some more, I won't bite you!"

I knew my mind was completely in the gutter when it occurred to me that getting bitten did not seem entirely unpleasant.

She laughed nervously, probably noticing the pulse working at my jaw and my set expression. "Sousuke, dancing is supposed to be fun, not painful."

I said nothing, trying to keep my mind on stepping back and forth and around, not on the way her breathing made her skin move against mine.

"Are you okay?"

I crumbled, the concern in her voice causing me to look down and meet her eyes.

I couldn't mumble out an immediate answer. I knew looking into her eyes was a bad idea. The soft, subtle moonlight was reflecting in them, showing a wealth of emotions I couldn't even name. It was beautiful… but overwhelming. I guess that's how I describe Kaname in general: beautiful, but overwhelming.

She repeated her question. I froze, our movements ceasing. The two of us just stood there in each other's arms.

_Actually, I'm not okay. Kaname, I love you._

"I-"

_-love you, and I want you. Well, I have a general technical idea what it is I want to do with you, but it doesn't make any sense to me, because I can't think of you that way. The other day… and the video store… and my assignment… I won't think of you that way. It's not fair; it's not right to you. _

"Uh-"

_­Unfortunately, the lower half of my body seems to disagree with me on that one, but there's even more going on. I have this feeling in my stomach, at the base of my neck, and behind my heart. I don't think that has anything to do with having physical desires for you. I think those are probably severe symptoms of, you know, loving you. The combination is downright debilitating, and I can't do anything right now._

"I-"

_I'm not sure what the best course of action is at this moment. But either I let go of you and run far, far away, or something drastic is going to happen._

RUN!

No…

Somehow my face had drifted dangerously lower, my forehead resting lightly against hers. Control. This is a simple test of self control.

Alright, Sousuke. Here's the plan of action: first, pick your head up.

She blinked slowly, her lashes had little water droplets on the edges.

Right. Now, pick your head up.

To my 'dismay,' my muscles did not seem quite in tune with my brain, because rather than pull back, I brushed our noses together briefly and watched the play of emotions in her eyes. I couldn't tell what she was thinking or feeling; I just knew it was something strong, something good.

She dropped my hand, moving both of her arms up around my neck, straining upwards on her toes and pressing against me. My breath caught as her stomach stretched against my own and she leaned forward to rub her cheek gently over mine.

I struggled to string my thoughts together, my arms easily encircling her waist of their own volition. My mind scattered completely. All I was aware of was the rapid beat of our hearts, her fingertips weaving through the hair at the base of my neck, and how smooth the skin of her cheek was against mine. Someone should bottle this: the simultaneous effects of love and lust on a man. Such a compound would be perhaps the most deadly biological warfare. Entire armies struck dumb in their tracks.

Slowly, she settled back a few inches and our eyes met again. I tried one last time to rally myself… find some strength to resist, to repel her, but it just seemed so… impossible… like I was deep underwater and could barely see the surface, let alone claw my way up for air. Our breath mingled between us now, our lips mere centimeters apart. I held my breath, my eyes barely open, watching hers for some sign of objection.

Then, her lips were so soft, so warm, moving against mine… in words.

"I wish you'd make up your mind," she whispered.

I jerked up a little, eyes wide. "W…what?" _Look, I'm sorry Kaname, but you can't possibly expect me to be coherent, can you?_

A new emotion had entered her eyes, one that I knew all too well: hurt, and a little bit of anger. "I just…" her voice was quiet, and more uncertain than I think I'd ever heard her. "I just wish you'd decide. Are you here to protect me?"

"Of course," I responded immediately, the haze slowly lifting from my eyes and my mind. "I will always protect you."

She looked a little angrier at that, and I got a little more confused. "Because it's your mission?"

"Yes."

"Is that the only reason?

"Yes." _No!_ "No."

She backed up a step, and I frowned as the cool water replaced her warmth against me. Her gaze was now hard, cold, and demanding. "Yes? No? Which is it?"

"Uh…" I struggled to gather my thoughts and come up with something suitable to say. Was the only reason I was protecting Kaname because that was my current assignment? I shook my head slowly, my voice barely above a whisper. "No."

She froze, looking at me skeptically, a lock of wet hair falling into her eyes. "So… if Mithril assigned you somewhere else, you wouldn't go?"

"No."

She frowned. "No, you wouldn't go? Or no, you would go?"

_No I… what?_ "Uh…"

She growled slightly. "Is that such a difficult question!"

_Actually it is. You're asking me to choose between you and the rest of my life as I know it. It's a very difficult question. _The most difficult part of it was that the choice was clear to me, I knew what I would pick, and the thought terrified me. I, Sagara Sousuke, sergeant, specialist, raised on the battlefield, am so ready and willing to forget my rank, my training, and my superiors in favor of staying by one girl's side. If that's not enough to make me freak out a little, then I really don't know what is.

"Sousuke?"

"I don't know," I croaked, watching water droplets fall from my bangs into the pool. "I don't know."

But I do know. I do.

She sighed and shook her head, turning and hoisting herself up on the ladder.

What would happen if I said it? How would things change? I had the feeling that if I told Kaname the truth… that I loved her… that I would rather do just about anything rather than leave her… I didn't think that was something I could take back. It's not that I thought I'd change my mind, but these were powerful statements. How would Kaname take them? What would it mean for our already unstable friendship? I contemplated these things while she climbed out of the pool, watching after her forlornly.

Another moment just passes me by.

I sighed, shaking my head and flinging water droplets off of my soaked hair. I immediately straightened, however, when I heard a muffled, choked sob from where Kaname had headed. Rushing up the ladder, I saw her standing over our pile of clothes, her face in her hands. I relaxed only slightly when I saw that there was no one around, nothing threatening her. That was not as comforting a thought as it might be though, because all it meant was that I had done something to upset her.

Still, I said stupid things on a regular basis, and I think I had only seen Kaname reduced to tears once or twice in all the time I'd known her. Was she really so injured by my indecision?

"Kaname…?" I asked quietly, exercising caution as I stepped towards her.

She sniffed, pushing her wet hair out of her face then crossing her arms over her chest, shivering in the now cooled night air. "My clothes are gone," she said simply.

I looked over the ground and surrounding area carefully. It was just as she said. My clothes were right where I left him, but aside from her sandals, nothing of hers was to be found.

It was obvious she was on the edge of her rope, her breathing short and restrained. She was trying to contain an emotional outburst, and I was going to do my best to help her. I never know what to do when she cries; it's probably the closest I come to panicking.

She laughed, but it was a short, bitter sound. "That freak in the mask probably came and took them while we were in the pool," she scoffed. "Just my luck."

My throat constricted at that, immediately disgusted with myself, and I cast about frantically. Was that right? Did he come? Was I so busy 'rubbing up against her' that I didn't notice at all? Her clothes were only ten yards at most from the pool, which meant he had come close enough to cause serious damage if that was his intention. My stomach did backflips and I felt like I would be sick. Kaname's clothes being gone were the least of our problems. She really could have been dead.

"I should get you home," I said quietly, the fury and paranoia boiling rapidly in my gut. I didn't know how I was going to be able to look myself in the mirror anymore. I had allowed myself to become distracted to the extent that I did not notice a malicious third party pass right under my nose. How was I even going to explain that in my daily report?

I bent down and picked up my t-shirt, handing it to Kaname absently and reaching for my pants. She just held it for a few moments, watching me fasten my belt, as if she wasn't sure whether she should be angry with me or not. My heart lurched at her expression, my wet bangs falling in front of my eyes.

_Maybe I deserve it, but don't look at me like that, please._

She looked drained and a little frightened.

_How many hearts can I possibly break in one evening?_

"Put that on," I said, motioning to my shirt. "It's getting cool out; you don't want to get sick."

I watched as she obeyed, tugging it over her head. It reached just below her backside and clung to her damp skin. At least it was better than walking down the streets in her underwear. She slipped on her sandals silently while I tied my own shoes, my wet boxers soaking through my pants. Whose bright idea was this, anyway?

Kaname's.

Really, if you'd asked me five minutes ago, I… well, I probably wouldn't have been able to communicate, but if I were able I would have said it was a great idea.

Now, with Kaname angry at me, the knowledge that I had failed her yet again, the prospect of her walking barelegged back to the apartment and my wet feet squishing in my shoes, I thought it was a pretty bad idea. A very bad idea.

We started the walk back, our steps slow and tired, our shoulders a few feet apart instead of nearly brushing as they had been on the way over.

"You know," Kaname said quietly. "I had this problem all the time, even before you came. My clothes have a habit of disappearing."

I frowned. It is an unpleasant reality that attractive women are often targeted by thoughtless pranks.

"You have no idea how angry I was when I thought you were stealing my underwear," she said seriously, reminding me of the time when I had been caught in the wrong place at the wrong time trying to prevent Shinji from going through with his little plot.

I ran a hand through my wet hair. "Actually, I think the bruises you gave me allowed me some idea, Miss Chidori."

She gave me a sideways look, her expression cool and almost indifferent. "Miss Chidori, huh? So we're back to that?"

_If it means your safety, then yes._

"My attempts at protecting you recently have been shameful," I said grimly, my eyes falling to the sidewalk ahead of me. "Action must be taken."

"So, action means pretending the past few weeks never happened? That we weren't just about to kiss back there? You know what Sousuke, you really are an asshole."

I blinked, lengthening my stride to keep up with her rapid, angry steps.

"We've known each other for more than a year, and you can't tell me anything. I see your thoughts rolling around in that empty head of yours, but you won't say them; you won't fill me in. You can spit all of your problems out to a philosophy teacher you've known less than fifteen minutes, but you can't tell me anything. You can't even tell me the truth."

"Miss Chidori-"

"No, just shut up," she snapped, holding up a hand and half-heartedly shoving me another few feet away from her. I kept pace now on the other side of the sidewalk.

"You don't want to tell me anything? Fine. You want to keep playing this war game? Fine. You want to keep pretending things aren't changing between us? Don't have to change? I hope you have a fucking blast."

We'd reached the main entrance to her building, and she stuck an arm out to keep me from following her. "Go home and sleep under your own bed, Sergeant," she said coolly. "Your sleepovers haven't done much good, have they?"

Ouch, blow to the gut right there. I opened my mouth to protest, but she slammed the door in my face, pausing only to say, "I'm keeping your shirt," before storming off towards the elevators.

It took me some time to get to sleep that night, gazing up at the bottom of my box spring. The memory of her harsh words coupled with the knowledge that she was in constant danger and I had done nothing to fix that beating at my mind. Things are changing between us. Things have to change. Soon we would graduate and she would face her new life. I would have to decide how much a part of that I would be, if she even allowed that to be an option after how I had been pulling her chain. If we even both lived that long, if the man in the skeleton mask didn't kill us both or at least steal all of our clothes.

Somehow, I did get to sleep eventually, but even then I awoke several times in the night, banging my head against the underside of my bed, the scent of her hair and the warmth of her skin still clinging to my senses.

* * *

A.N.

Special thanks to Anysia for all of the encouragement and the Kaname help. In all honesty this chapter might not have been written without her kind words. Also to Lakewood, my shiny new beta reader. He is very skilled, and quite modest. If you have not yet, please check out the stories by both of them… they're both really stellar writers!

The response to the last chapter was amazing and wonderful. You guys are really too kind, but your feedback is encouraging and motivating and truly appreciated. So, my sincere thanks to Zefrn, AnimeCrazed, Minitsu, NefCanuck, Tulip Baroo, Rayu, Larsgo, Miaka Mouse, Suzu22, Quaffle Chaser, Howlin Mad, Obicat, Lakewood, Kabashka, Kill The Messenger, Flyinganimepig, Pocketfirefairy, Salome, Thaliea, Quesera, Ranma151773012, Arounai, Hezashi, pyro-witch2, Torachi, whoknoez, Shellyraeleen, glorwen, Hopeless Romantic, AwakenDreams, GodsGirl7, LTGMars, beege, Farty the Train (quite a name, there!), Rose-Wisteria, Faelady, and TheWho. I would like to thank you all in more depth, as some of you left some really great comments, but I don't want the Author's Notes to be longer than the chapter, haha! However, please feel free to e-mail me if you have questions or would just like to chat about FMP!

A lot of people seemed pleased that Kazuki did not accidentally get asked out, haha. Yeah, I really didn't feel like going there, and I think Sousuke's probably thankful for that as well. He's got enough on his plate.

Two more chapters!


	7. An Eye for an Eye

**Dazed and Confused – Chapter 7**

I squinted through the gathering crowd, using one hand to shade my eyes from the bright sun overhead. We were gathered for the 'Take Back the Night' march that Kaname and her group had been planning. I was surrounded by a sea of women, desperately trying to keep my eye on the only one I cared about.

Kaname had refused to talk to me since the previous evening's 'argument.' Our 'arguments' always seemed so one sided... she told me who was boss and I flailed about, trying to come up with some scrap of a rebuttal.

She didn't wait for me to pick her up that morning, and she wouldn't even let me walk next to her or look me in the eye. I had glumly followed along a few feet behind. What could I do to get back in her good graces? Had I reached a point where it was all or nothing? Was taking the big plunge the only way to hold onto her at all?

"Pssssst!"

_Oh no, come on._

"Psssssst!"

_Just give a guy a break, will you?_

I felt a tugging on my sleeve and grimly turned to see - surprise, surprise - Kazuki gazing up at me, her eyes huge and watery and her face looking like some kind of puffy pink gum drop.

"Yes, Kazuki?" I said tiredly.

She smiled, twisting her toe against the cement. "You look nice in pink, Sousuke."

"Eh?" I glanced down at the t-shirt Kaname had us all wearing. It was pink with bold black letters that said 'This is What a Feminist Looks Like.' Kaname had also forced me into one that was several sizes too small, so it was uncomfortably tight. She said she didn't have any larger ones because 'what guy in his right mind would join Take Back the Night?' But, I could have sworn I'd seen larger sizes in the box behind her. Hey, whatever. I'd do worse then wear shrunken pink shirts if it meant she'd stop avoiding me. I remembered myself, scratching the back of my head with one hand. "Oh... uh... thank you, Ma'am."

"Pink is my favorite color," she purred, stepping closer to me.

I nodded nervously, inching back. "Is that so?"

"Mmmmhmmmm..." she had cornered me against a cluster of rather swarthy looking women from another local group and was now pressed up against my arm.

I could really give her a rubber bullet to the head at this point. I should resist the temptation, however. Attacking women at a Take Back the Night march is probably not the wisest idea. Even if they were not armed and my skill in battle exceeded theirs by leaps and bounds, they had sheer numbers on their side. I started to sweat, imagining hoards of fan wielding women chasing me through Tokyo.

While trying to come up with a polite way to get Kazuki to disengage, she had latched onto my arm, swinging it back and forth and humming some annoying, non-descript tune.

"Sousuke..."

I winced at that tone… that calm, cool tone. Kaname had decided I wasn't even worth getting angry at any more, it seemed. That should be a relief, but instead it hurt. At least when she was angry I knew she cared about what I did.

"If you came here to pick up chicks," she said, not looking at me but rather Kazuki. "Just leave."

"Negative, Miss Chidori," I said resolutely. "I am here to aid females in their pursuit of safety and respect in this nation."

"Ah, that's so gallant!" Kazuki squealed, rubbing her cheek against my arm.

I watched disconsolately as Kaname turned on her heel and rejoined Kyouko at the front of the pack, simultaneously trying to shake Kazuki off my arm. Gallant? Common sense.

I frowned. Kazuki was sticking to me like some kind of sugary napalm. I think guys should make an organization to protect us from simpering lichen.

"Sousuke?" Kazuki cooed, the airy tone making me shudder. "Ask me to the dance."

_What? Why the hell would I want to do that?_

"No," I said flatly, tilting my head and getting up on my toes to keep Kaname in my sight as she conversed with members of another chapter.

She seemed shocked, getting on her toes as well to keep her face uncomfortably close to mine. "Why not?"

I didn't look at her. "Because I love Kaname."

_There. Okay? Fine. Get out of my face._

She gasped, letting go of my arm and stumbling back. I finally turned my gaze to see tears welling up in her eyes. Should I be sorry? It wasn't my fault she had made a request that I couldn't fulfill.

"Wh-" she stuttered, her hands balling into fists at her sides. "Why have you been leading me on, then!"

Huh? Leading her on? I wasn't aware that refraining from dashing her brains out for her constant badgering was considered a romantic overture. I think that is the female mind's greatest flaw. They might mature more quickly. They might be more adept at interpersonal affairs. They might be superior in any number of ways, but the fact of the matter is there's something wrong with their ability to receive communications. Sometimes I think they're all born with some kind of damaged sense of perception. It's as if they only hear what they want to hear or what they expect to hear. I had done nothing to encourage Kazuki, yet there she was, behaving as if I had somehow been dishonest with her.

I stared at her blankly. "I was not aware I had been sending favorable signals," I said calmly. "I apologize if my intent has been misconstrued."

She shook her head rapidly, large dramatic tears squeezing out of the corners of her eyes. She shouted "I thought you were different! But all this polite talk is just an act, isn't it? You don't care about anyone else! You... you... you MAN!" Then, she stumbled into the crowd.

_Oh, I'm a man now, am I? Is that an insult?_

I heard a rumbling behind me and turned to see the tall, well built women I'd been pushed into before glaring at me and straightening up. Apparently it _was_ an insult in these parts.

I held up my hands in peace, backing away slowly. "Ah, good morning. Excuse me."

They seemed nonplussed, crossing their arms over their chests and surveying me like a lion would its prey. I say this from experience. A lioness once looked at me the same way in the Savannah.

Just when things looked like they were going to get difficult, Kyouko came up and grabbed my arm, offered the women an apologetic smile, and dragged me away. "Sousuke," she ground out, her tone exasperated. "Is it true you love Kaname?"

Whoa! Where did that come from?

Kyouko seemed to read my mind. "Kisa told me. She heard from Mizuki, who heard from Keyra, who heard from Hana, who got a call from Keiko who overheard Naoko crying to Mai behind the phone booth over there." She shook her head firmly. "But, that's not important. Is it true?"

My mind reeled; the speed and efficiency of the underground women's communication network blew me away. Mithril could learn a lot from its female employees. An investigation should be set up immediately.

"Sagara, is it true?"

"Uh... what?"

Kyouko placed her hands on my arms, shaking me slightly, talking in a voice more urgent then I'd ever heard her use. "That you love Kaname!"

_Oh... well..._

She sighed, looking at me as if I were absolutely hopeless. She was absolutely right. "If it is true, then _tell her._ She's really mad at you."

I looked down at my feet, shoving my hands in my pockets.

"I really don't understand the two of you," she chirped. "It's obvious you're both in love, so just get it out in the air and stop injuring each other."

I wasn't sure that was such good advice. Love seemed like a _surefire_ path to injury in my mind. What good could come from declaring such powerful, paralyzing, limiting, painful impulses? Wouldn't it be best to just hold it all in and let it die quietly? I had already attempted to take steps to communicate my feelings, whether that be with stuttered ramblings or half-naked pool activities, and look where it got me. Kaname was being as cold as ever.

She gaped at me, her blinking eyes appearing even larger due to the magnification of her glasses. "You really don't get it, do you?"

I stared right back. _Don't get what?_

"I thought maybe you were just pretending, that you were shy and didn't know how to act around people so you put up this crazy front, but... you really _are_ just dazed and confused, aren't you?"

_Dazed and confused, eh? Yeah, that sounds about right._

She peered up at me curiously. "Are you _afraid_ of telling Kaname how you feel?"

I swallowed heavily but said nothing, sweat breaking out at my forehead. Was it that obvious?

Apparently my silence was telling, because she smiled.

"That's ridiculous, Sagara!" she laughed. "Look around you... almost everybody here has fallen in love at one point or another, and they got through it alright!"

I looked around. A sea of angry women stared back at me.

She frowned. "Maybe that was a bad example. But, if we were anywhere else, you'd see what I mean. Love is just part of the whole... the whole shebang, you know?"

The whole shebang?

"Life," she answered my unasked question. "Love is just a piece of it. It happens. You know, some people waste their days away wishing for it. You're lucky that it's fallen into your lap."

Hm, it did fall into my lap, didn't it? Although I was still skeptical that actively searching out such an overpowering emotion was a good idea, I was willing to consider the positive possibilities of my predicament. I did come up with a little list of the benefits of love back in the philosophy class, didn't I? Morale raising and all that? The fact that love distracted me from my mission of protecting Kaname still troubled me, however. There didn't seem to be any solution for that.

Kyouko seemed frustrated with my lack of answers. I just didn't know what to say to her. I still hadn't figured any of this out.

She sighed. "This reminds me of an African proverb I heard once." She straightened up, raising one finger as if dispatching some kind of wisdom. "'The wind does not break a tree that bends.'"

_Um... okay._

She waited for me to react, but got nothing. She rolled her eyes. "Sagara, you fight against everything too much! If you worry this much about falling in love, of _course_ it's going to hurt you! You have to just... go with it. Adapt."

Adapt! I couldn't believe I had not considered that before! My whole mission here required adapting: changing habits, being flexible, learning from surroundings, making do. Maybe my feelings for Kaname were not as all-or-nothing as they seemed. Maybe I could find a balance. Maybe I could make it work. Maybe if I 'went with it' things would work out. I'd just have to adapt. In the wild, males manage to be affectionate _and_ protective of their mates. I could find a way. I _would_ find a way.

I nodded decisively. "Thank you, Tokiwa. Your advice has been most helpful. I will take action immediately."

She smiled, then seemed to think better of it and grabbed my arm. "Wait! Sagara... just... tell her alone... you know? Pull her aside or something... don't just blurt it out with all of us standing around."

"Understood," I said grimly. "Despite the breach in security, the information should remain as confidential as possible."

"Um... right," she said anxiously.

I stuffed one hand into a pocket in my cargo pants and procured a practice grenade. Rather than the poisonous gas it would be filled with had this been a normal tactical mission, it would disperse only an extremely unpleasant odor and cause a slight itching sensation to the eyes. It would be enough to make the crowd disperse a bit, and allow me some time to pull Kaname aside.

I pulled the pin and brought my arm back to prepare to throw.

"Sagara! What are you doing!" Kyouko had grabbed my throwing arm, looking extremely alarmed.

"Do not worry, Miss Tokiwa. No one will be injured. This will merely-"

"Sagara, look around you! This is not the best place for that!"

I frowned; the image of a hoard of fan wielding women came to mind again. Maybe she had a point. I wished I thought of that before I pulled the pin, though. I looked around quickly to see if I'd dropped the pin within sight, but the crowd was too tight; I couldn't see anything but peoples' feet.

Hmmm...

An empty phone booth nearby caught my eye. It was cracked open just a little. If I could manage to throw the grenade through the tiny opening, it would minimize the effects on the crowd significantly. With the pin nowhere to be found and no other options coming to mind, I altered my target and quickly threw the grenade. I made it just in time; smoke immediately began to fill the phone booth when the grenade narrowly made its entrance.

I let out a breath, wiping the sweat from my forehead. I should probably put some more thought into these things. On the other hand, knowing my luck, I'd probably hesitate the one time there was a real threat, and it would all be for nothing.

Kyouko was now pushing on my back, shoving me through the crowd. "No chickening out!" she said, her soft voice humorous in her attempt to be stern. "Go, take her somewhere, and tell her!"

I grunted in agreement, slipping through the crowd as quickly as I could, making my way to the head of blue hair I had kept within sight.

I was within a few feet, and I reached out a hand to grab her arm when the crowd pulled back in a circle, and a very distressed looking Kazuki came barreling towards us.

She was a total mess. Tears were streaming down her face and her eyes were puffy, red, and bloodshot. Her hair was wild, and there was a horrible smell wafting around her.

"Kaname!" she sobbed. "Kaname I need to go to a hospital or something!"

_Oh shit. No way!_

Kaname quickly approached her, wrinkling her nose but grabbing onto Kazuki's shoulders to calm her down. "Naoko, what happened?"

Kazuki was flipping out, gesticulating wildly, and shaking. "I was just sitting in the phone booth over there, minding my own business, when a... a... a _grenade_ came flying at me, and before I knew it I was covered in this black smoke and now I can't breath and this... this _smell!_ And my _eyes!_"

Kyouko hurried over. She took Kazuki by the arm, whispered something about the emergency room, and took her away.

The second they disappeared into the crowd, Kaname whirled to face me, her eyes enraged and her hand gripping the paper fan she always seemed to produce from no where. "Sousuke!" she hollered, the strength and volume of her shout making me take a step back. "You could have let her down gently! You didn't have to throw a _grenade_ at her!"

I shook my head rapidly. "No, Miss Chidori, you misunderstand. It was completely unintentional, it was an accident, I-"

"It's _always_ an accident!" she roared. "I've had enough of your 'accidents'! Go home!"

"But Kaname, the masked-"

She brandished the fan, pulling her arm back, poised to strike. "I'll take my chances!"

"But I have something very important to tell-"

Whack! Right on the head. _Ouch!_

"Get-a-way-from-me!" she punctuated each syllable with another hearty smack with the fan, each one perfectly aimed at the center of my forehead.

"Hey, Kaname. Is this guy bothering you?"

I opened my eyes slowly as Kaname withdrew the fan and stuffed it back into whatever secret place she hides it. My relief at the pause in the beating dispersed immediately when I saw Noumen standing near us. As usual, he was tall and dashing and... not wearing a pink shirt.

Kaname's smile was too eager when she turned to him. "An understatement," she said sweetly between clenched teeth.

"That's a shame," he said, smirking at me before turning back to her. He reached one arm up and slowly brushed his fingertips across her forearm.

My fists clenched tightly as I watched this, images from the night before flashing through my mind. It wasn't so long ago that it was my hands on her skin… me she was smiling at. The sight of that filthy sneak touching her made my blood boil.

I was about to object when he continued his speech with a toss of his shiny black hair. "Hey listen," he said softly. "I don't mean to interrupt this noble cause, but I was just passing by and I saw you and there's something I need to ask you."

_I panicked. No, he can't, not when I'm so close!_

"And what might that be?" she asked, taking a step closer to him.

_Ah! This is not happening!_

"I was just wondering… Would you like to go to the senior semi formal with me?"

She bowed her head so he couldn't see her face, and she looked at me out of the corner of her eyes. She spoke to him, but she looked at me. "Danko," she said in a low, almost velvety voice. "…I would love to."

My heart dropped into my stomach, and I stood there gaping. He didn't. _She didn't_. My life couldn't be that ironic. It was impossible. I was dreaming up the entire morning. There's no way so many bad things could happen consecutively. It defies probability. While I'm at it, I'll just say I dreamed up last night, too. Why don't we take it back to right when we got into the pool and we can just try this all again?

I blinked, but the figures before me did not go away. I didn't wake up under my bed thinking of her. She didn't turn and tell me she was just kidding. She had agreed to go with that scumbag, and she had agreed because she wanted to hurt me.

It worked.

"Great!" Danko grinned and took a few steps back into the crowd. "I'll guess I'll pick you up around-"

To hell with being professional! If you want to play hard ball, Kaname… then, let's go!

I growled, springing forward and tackling Danko onto the cement. We struggled for a few moments, oblivious to the gasps and movement around us. I quickly gained dominance, pressing my knee against his back and his cheek against the tarmac. "Put your hands where I can see them!" I shouted, pulling out my weapon and aiming it at his temple.

"Sousuke!" Kaname hurried over, pulling out her fan, but I didn't have the time or the patience for that crap.

"Please stand back, Miss Chidori," I said harshly, shooting her a firm glare. She stopped short, eyes wide. I never looked at her like that; those glares were reserved for my enemies.

Noumen, meanwhile, had pulled up his arms hesitantly and laid them on the ground beside him, eyes bulging. There were cries of "he's got a gun!" and "macho primitive Neanderthals!" ringing out from the crowd, but I ignored them. Keeping one hand on the weapon aimed at his face, I used the other to rummage through his pockets.

"Hey, watch your hands, buddy!" he hissed, but his voice was shaking and his attempt at confidence didn't work.

My fingers soon closed upon what I was looking for: a silky piece of fabric attached to an expanse of soft, molded rubber. I yanked it out and held it up triumphantly.

Kaname's eyes grew even wider as she stared at the flimsy skeleton mask hanging from my fingertips. Its features sagged without a face to fill them. She didn't say anything for several moments, her gaze flitting from the mask, to me, to Danko.

"You…" she shook her head in disbelief. "You've been following me!"

Danko tried to raise his head up from the pavement to speak, but I pushed it back down with the barrel of my weapon. "It's not how it looks, Kaname," he whimpered.

"Do not believe his lies, Miss Chidori," I said solemnly. "His injured leg matches up with the explosion outside of your apartment, and he is in possession of the disguise which the culprit was wearing. He also has a clear motive: his interest for you is not only obvious, but confessed."

Her expression turned quickly from shock to disgust as she surveyed the prone figure of her semi date. "I can't believe you, Danko!"

Danko frowned but looked at me wearily. "Explosion?"

"There is no use denying your guilt," I stated calmly.

He glanced anxiously up at Kaname. "So…" he croaked, his throat pressed against the cement. "I guess this means you won't go to the dance with me, huh?"

"The _dance?"_ Kaname shrieked, her hands on her hips. "You stole my gym shorts, Danko. You need _help_, not a date to the dance."

"Huh? I didn't steal your gym shorts," he protested.

Kaname just rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Pull the trigger, Sousuke. I'm tired of this."

I smiled grimly, glad that for once she saw things from my point of view. It seemed she was always trying to _stop_ me from shooting people. However, it occurred to me that in this case the sentence may not match the crime. Angry as I was that Noumen had cause grief for Kaname and laid his slimy hands on her, he hadn't done her any real harm, and in a way, he did me a favor. He definitely eliminated himself as a rival for Kaname's affection. The real issue was, however, I knew my superiors would have one more reason to remove me from my post protecting Kaname if I executed a civilian who did not pose a serious threat. I considered taking him prisoner, but I really didn't want to be stuck with him in my living quarters for an indefinite amount of time.

I clenched my teeth, getting to my feet slowly and making sure to jam my knee against a particularly painful pressure point in Noumen's back. I stood over him, looking down with a fierce frown, my weapon still pointed at his face. "Stay away from Miss Chidori," I barked. "I can assure you will regret it should you not heed my warning." I held the skeleton mask away from me between my thumb and forefinger like a piece of garbage. "I will confiscate this."

I looked up at Kaname, who had an unreadable expression on her face. She had nothing to say? How could that be? Kaname was almost never at a loss for words.

I straightened up, dusting myself up. "Quite an escort," I said gruffly, giving him a swift kick to the ribs. "Perhaps I am insufficient in my ability to voice my intentions, Miss Chidori, but I will say to my credit that I have never attempted to steal your clothing."

She just looked at me for a few moments before shaking her head, her lip curling in what might be called hatred. She turned on her heel and stormed off.

Apparently, that was not the right thing to say. It was rare that I lost my temper with Kaname, even rarer that I voiced my frustrations to her. It made sense that the two combined did not sit well with her. Honestly, it didn't sit well with me, either. It was not Kaname's fault that I was having a shamefully difficult time controlling my own jealousy. She should not bare the brunt of my shortcomings.

I found her shortly. She was standing away from the crowd, leaning against the outer wall of a nearby building, seemingly lost in thought. She didn't look thrilled to see me.

"Are you alright, Miss Chidori?" I asked neutrally, keeping my eyes scanning the crowd for suspicious persons.

"Oh yeah, just peachy," she drawled.

I frowned, my eyes moving rapidly. I could say I was just trying to step up security, but really I just didn't want to look at her. She was in a serious, frustrated mood, and that meant her behavior was completely unpredictable. Depending on a few very small and seemingly insignificant variables, she could remain in this balanced state, burst into tears, or attempt to claw my face off. It was a very unstable situation that should be approached with caution. "That statement did not seem genuine," I said after a while.

"My my, you're awfully observant today."

"I would think you would be relieved, the most recent threat has been neutralized."

"You forget," she said darkly, "that my date for the dance has also been neutralized."

"Does that really upset you?" I asked boldly. "I was under the impression that females wish their escort to be someone they harbor specific affection for. Am I to deduce that you feel about Noumen in such a way?"

When she didn't say anything for several moments, I turned to look at her. Her hands were fisted at her sides, clenching and unclenching. Her lips were pursed in anger but her eyes were shining with unshed tears.

I blinked in confusion. I seemed to have only fueled the fires of her outrageous emotions. She looked torn between breaking down in sobs and throwing me to the dogs.

"Deduce!" she spat, her fists now shaking in her barely restrained anger. "Deduce!"

"Guess, gather, ascertain…" I offered slowly.

"I know what deduce means!"

I raised an eyebrow. "Then I don't see the problem."

She closed her eyes and breathed slowly. "No, of course you don't." When she opened her eyes again, she really looked like she could strangle me. "The problem is that you shouldn't have to _deduce_ at all; it should be obvious that I don't have feelings for Danko!"

"You don't?"

"No!"

"Then… why did you agree to go to the dance with him?" I was now fiddling with the skeleton mask I still clutched in my hands, trying to distract myself from her anger.

"Sousuke, the dance is in _two days_, and I don't have a date. Going with the school's star athlete isn't such bad a consolation prize since I can't go with who I really want to go with."

I raised an eyebrow skeptically, staring down at the mask as I stretched and bent it.

"But he stole your gym shorts."

"I didn't know that when he asked me!"

"I informed you of that the day after your garbage bin was detonated."

"I didn't believe you."

"Why not?"

"_Why not?_" She looked at me incredulously. "Because you're crazy!" Her anger lessened as her despair seemed to grow. "You make combat suits out of amusement park characters, set traps in your own locker, rig my dumpster, sleep under your bed-"  
"Those are all safety precautions," I said solemnly. "I don't think any of them are signs that I am mentally unsound."

"Well, then you're crazy for thinking I wanted to go to the dance with Danko!" she exclaimed.

I swallowed. "I… I didn't know how important this was to you. I had no idea what your feelings for Noumen were."

She sighed, slouching back against the building. She studied the ground for a few minutes before finally looking up and meeting my eyes. When she spoke, her voice was tired and resigned, her words spat out one by one as if taking every ounce of resolve she had.

"Damn it, Sousuke. We come from two different worlds, I know. But, friendship is about getting past that and trying to understand where the other person is coming from. I've learned your military lingo, I've been in your submarine, I've coached you through AS battles, and I've sung karaoke to your commanders. Hell, I've jumped out of planes with you! But still you won't cross the line; you won't understand _my_ world, _my_ life. I know it's hard to adjust. Before you came, I didn't even know what a whispered _was_, let alone that I _am_ one. Do you think all this shit I've been going through has been a cake walk? Do you think going along with your 'safety precautions,' has been easy? Forget it!" She was rapidly losing whatever patience she had left, and her eyes seemed to fill with something akin to complete disgust as she look at me. "Now, I don't know if you just don't care, or you're not trying hard enough, or you're simply incapable, but this all just flies over your head, doesn't it? And how can that be, Sousuke? You're a genius. I know you are! You've been trained in stealth whatever and spy this and that, so how could you possibly be so… _terrible_ at adjusting to a new environment? Are you _trying_ to shut reality out? Are you _trying_ to shut me out?"

She growled and snatched the mask from my hands, tossing it furiously into a nearby trash can and forcing me to look back up at her. "I know we've saved the world several times, and I know any minute now the KGB could swoop in and take me back to Siberia with them and torture me to death, but sometimes the only things that can keep me sane are the dorky events that are the highlight of every other teenage girl's life. I don't care how little you think of it, this dance was important to me. I want to go, I want to go with you, and I want _you_ to ask _me_ because for all the feminist marches I coordinate, for all the perverts I smack around, all the curse words I use, and the independence I want everyone to think I have, sometimes I want to be a normal girl just like every other normal girl with a pretty dress and a boy asking her to the dance." She crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at me like one would a disobedient subordinate. "But, since you aren't man enough to ask me, I agreed to go with someone else. Now, just my luck, you've revealed my date to be a stalker and probably paralyzed him from the waist down. Congratulations, Sousuke… _my hero_."

_The wind does not break a tree that bends_.

Somehow, in my confusion, I had forgotten that Kaname was attempting to perform the same balancing act I was. While I was trying to adjust to civilian life, she was trying to adjust to being the target of terrorist groups and having unnatural abilities. While I was getting used to study groups and examinations, she was coping with having voices in her head and being taken hostage. How had I dismissed her situation?

_Are you **trying** to shut me out?_

_To thrive on; need._

_The wind does not break a tree that bends_

"I… I'm sorry," I stuttered, at a complete loss for words. Everything she said was true… it all made sense. How do you respond when someone calls you on mistakes you've been making for over a year and failed to recognize?

She shook her head in disappointment, her expression making my heart hurt. "I don't think you are," she said dully. "I think this is just another inconvenience to you."

We heard footsteps behind us and turned to see a man I couldn't place but looked vaguely familiar. I stepped in front of Kaname instinctively, but she groaned and pushed me aside, reaching out to shake the man's hand.

"Mr. Takamori!" she said brightly, though her voice still sounded tired. "Thanks so much for coming. I'm glad you could make it!"

Takamori… Takamori… right, Kaname's guidance counselor.

"I always try to support my students in all of their endeavors," he said cheerfully and grinned. "I think this is really great what you're doing here, Kaname. It takes a lot of courage to stand up for what you believe in."

"Are you going to be marching with us?" Kaname asked.

"No, I think I'm just going to watch and cheer you on."

"Well, I think we're going to start marching soon, actually, so you came just in time! I have to go, but I'll see you at my appointment on Monday!" Kaname waved and started back towards the group.

"Certainly!" Mr. Takamori waved back. "Good luck!"

When we were a safe distance into the crowd, she snapped at me. "Just leave, Sousuke. I really have to focus on the march now, and I don't want to deal with you anymore."

_Deal with me._

"Kaname, I really am sorry."

"Yeah okay."

"Kaname-"

"Get lost."

"I…" _I love you_. "I can't."

She started to count up all the girls in her group, making sure everyone was present. "Oh, right, your duty."

"Yes…"

_And, I love you._

* * *

A.N. – First of all, thanks to Lakewood for beta-ing. I really think I've been technically improving thanks to you!

And of course, thanks to everyone who took the time to leave me feedback, namely Larsgo, Flyinganimepig, Shellyraeleen, Anime Crazed, Zefrn, Obicat, Lady Dark Angel, Jaina, Kabashka, Beege, Faelady, NefCanuck, Howlin Mad, Nikoru the Silent Assassin, lahz the amazing talking fart (again with the name, haha), Thaliea, Rasberry Girl, Suzu22, Kathy, GodsGirl7, Hezashi, minitsu, Andrei Burnside, CriHavoc, R Junkie, animefreak-shinobi, Hououza, Quesera, and Nothing Much. It's easy to work fast when I have so many nice people offering me support! Thank you guys so much.

Many of you felt that Kaname was not a swear-words kind of girl. Well… hm, I don't know, but it seems okay to me. I'm not sure who _wouldn't_ swear at Sousuke after he does the things he does. So, please try to just bear with me.

Still more of you really wanted Sousuke to spill the beans this chapter… sorry! However, considering there's only one more chapter… It's the moment of truth, eh? Sousuke appreciates your patience, haha.

Okay, I think that's it. Next one is the grand finale! (although, as I'm writing chapter eight I'm thinking there might have to be an epilogue. I've been trying to tie up all the loose ends in just one chapter and the results are rather comical. We'll see.)

Later!


	8. Finale

A.N. Here we are, kids. End of the line! **There is an epilogue** that I will post soon, but I want to do all of my thanking and notes here so that can stand on its own.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter: Salome, Hououza, Suzu22, Lahz, Bookreader9999, Torachi, Jenn, NefCanuck, Rinn, ShellyRaeleen, howlin mad, beege, Anime Crazed, Tulip Baroo, Faelady, minitsu, Godsgirl7, Dizzcity, caitlynn, thechickenlittle, FlyingAnimePig, Nothing Much, Melanie-Chan, ClampLover, quesera, Laura, Kabashka, Lisa-d4414, Jenna, Ranma151773012, Hezashi, orange suitcase, friendly comments, MirokuGlomper, Concetta, pyro-witch2, Thaliea, cuteanimechibi16, elianthos, kurosu, freakomite, Rose-Wisteria, TakeMyPainAway, Picklegal, Weltall Elite, smiling cat, and Hungarian Tiger.

The most common sentiment was that Kaname was being unreasonably mean last chapter. To an extent agree with you… but seriously people, Sousuke has been walking all over himself in this story. I don't blame her for needing to let off some steam.

Ranma also asked how Sousuke knew Danko would have the mask in his pocket. I guess that was a stretch on my part. Sousuke was just really provoked after watching Kaname accept his invitation, and he had evidence against Danko, so I guess he took a risk.

Seriously, thanks so much to all of you who have ever reviewed this story. It really means a lot to me that you would take the time to tell me what you think. Knowing that you guys are interested has really motivated me to keep at it. Big wet kisses to you all.

Thanks to Led Zeppelin for inspiring this story! Even though it ended up deviating way way far away from the song. Still dudes, you guys are awesome.

Thanks to Anysia for your encouragement throughout. There were a few times I was ready to throw in the towel, but you saved the day. I am forever indebted and in awe of your work.

And HUGE thanks to my wonderful beta, Lakewood! Adam, your time and effort has helped me tremendously and I am so grateful. I was scared of betas before you volunteered! If I can ever be of service to you, you know how to find me!

So, maybe I will write a sequel, I have some funny ideas. But I don't want it to be overkill. What do you guys think?

I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Until next time! -blows kiss-

* * *

**Dazed and Confused – Chapter 8**

I clutched the gift package against my side and straightened my tie nervously with my free hand. It hadn't taken too long to get ready, although admittedly I spent quite a while on a vain attempt to get my hair to flatten down a bit. Kyouko had kindly offered her assistance. She picked out a shirt, slacks, shoes, and a tie very efficiently. She also splashed me with some strong smelling stuff after I dressed, which was bothering my nose but which she insisted was a good touch. Well, she did know Kaname better than I did.

Taking a deep breath, I knocked three times on the door in front of me.

I heard footsteps within, and after a few moments the door swung open to reveal a rather disheveled looking Kaname. She was still in her PJs even though it was nearly five o'clock, and she had a small tub of ice cream with a spoon stuck in it clutched in one hand.

She blinked at me warily. "Sousuke...?"

"Good evening, Kaname," I said, trying to sound sure of myself.

"Uh...yeah," she said, raising an eyebrow. "You're all dressed up."

I nodded. "I... uh..." I closed my eyes, took one last deep breath, then looked straight at her face. All of this floundering and beating around the bush had gotten me nowhere. Kaname was angry with me, I was as bewildered as ever, and a masked stalker went unchecked for weeks. Surely being bashful was not an effective course of action. There was only one thing left to try. "I am here to request that you accompany me to the dance."

She just stared blankly at me for a while, as if she had not heard correctly or she didn't believe what I had said. "You what?"

I cleared my throat. "I would be honored if you would allow me to escort you to the senior semi-formal."

She didn't seem nearly as keen about the idea as I had hoped she'd be. She made a face, grabbed my wrist, pulled up the sleeve of my dress shirt, and glared at my watch. "Sousuke," she said sternly. "The dance starts in an hour. It's real sweet of you to give me such advanced notice, but I am going to have to decline."

She started to close the door to her apartment, but I stuck out my leg, wincing when the heavy door slammed into my shin. "I politely ask that you reconsider," I ground out.

She groaned, weaving her fingers through her messy hair. "I gave you plenty of opportunities for you to ask me! Hell, I practically asked me _for_ you. But, now it's too late. I don't have a dress or anything. You snooze, you lose."

I inched a little farther into the apartment, thrusting the package I held at her. "Please take this," I said. "I believe it fits your measurements, although the data I have concerning your physique was collected before I arrived here over a year ago and might now be inaccurate. If that is the case, then..."

I trailed off as I watched her confusion melt away when she lifted the box lid. Her expression changed smoothly to something like remorse, forgiveness, or both mixed together. She lifted the rust-colored dress carefully out of the tissue paper, holding it up in front of her.

"I..." she looked up at me, her mouth moving wordlessly. "I went back to get this the other day, but it was gone..."

I nodded, looking just to the left of her face. It was too difficult to meet her eyes. They were too full of emotion that I couldn't read. "I purchased it after you boarded the train without me. I thought perhaps you might want it later on."

Her hands smoothed carefully over the silky fabric, and she spoke quietly. "You didn't have to do that, Sousuke, I-"

"It is not a problem."

She smiled gently at that, pushing a strand of dark blue hair behind her ear. "You... really want me to go with you?"

"Yes," I said with a firm nod of my head.

She cocked her head. "I didn't just intimidate you into this?"

I shook my head. "You do not intimidate me," I said. "You sometimes make me anxious or nervous," I admitted. "But, I do not think anyone really intimidates me."

She laughed slightly and sniffed. "I don't have time to get my hair done," she said.

"I like your hair the way it is," I said quietly, feeling my face begin to heat. "Although you might wish to brush it."

She scoffed and stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her. "Wait out there," she growled. I probably shouldn't offer her beauty advice.

I sat down rigidly on the couch, keeping my hands on my knees and trying not to sweat too much. I listened as the shower came on and then turned off, then the sound of the blow dryer, then the rustling of clothes. A half hour never felt so long. At least there was no paranoid patriarch to interrogate me like I had seen in the movies.

Just as I had really started to worry, Kaname emerged from the bathroom.

Kaname somehow frequently manages to surprise me, a fact I have always been ashamed to admit. How she was able to look even _more_ beautiful than she had when she tried the dress on before was a complete mystery to me, but she did it. She had done something with her makeup that I couldn't pick out, and her hair seemed to curl under more than usual. She was wearing a pair of shoes that defied the laws of physics, but they certainly made her calves look impressive. I stood up and swallowed, trying to find words in my jumbled thoughts.

"Kaname…" I said, rubbing the back of my neck nervously.

"Save it," she laughed, rolling her eyes. "We're already going to be late. Let's go!"

I smiled in relief. Nothing I could have said would have accurately described what I was looking at, and knowing me, I would have just put my foot in my mouth.

I snuck looks at her as we walked out to the front of the building. She looked… happy, and it was a thrill for me to know I might have actually done something right. She was also wearing some kind of perfume that made her smell even more pleasant than usual, and I had to catch myself a few times before I leaned a little too close to her.

"Sousuke…" she groaned when we got outside, shaking her head. "A _stretch hummer_? We're just going to the semi, not a military wedding."

"I don't trust taxis," I said firmly. "You never know when they have been sent by a third party and might take you to a dangerous destination. Taking the train would not have transported us quickly enough to arrive on time, and biking in these clothes would be extremely impractical. This is also a special hummer; it has a reinforced armored exterior and is a much safer method of transportation than a standard limousine."

She rolled her eyes at me, but there was a hint of a smile on her painted lips, so I knew she wasn't as irritated as she was amused. I was glad for that, although in all truth I didn't understand her amusement. My logic seemed entirely sound to me.

I spent the majority of the trip searching the compartments for hidden bugging or tapping equipment, and Kaname spent most of it looking through the mini fridge and watching the separator window go up and down. By the time we arrived at the hotel, I was sure we were not being spied upon and she was seemingly irritated with me. Perhaps I should have been making conversation, but I could see nothing more important than insuring her safety and privacy.

She seemed to be under an amazing amount of control that night. I could tell she was annoyed at times, but I guess I'd racked up enough brownie points just asking her in the first place to earn some extra slack. For that, I was extremely grateful. Kaname could be quite merciful when she chose to be.

We had to climb many marble steps in order to reach the main entrance of the hotel, and then traverse several corridors to reach the ballroom where the dance was being held, all of which we accomplished in a nearly comfortable silence.

When we finally stood in front of the giant ornate wooden doors to the ballroom, she turned to me with a small smile. "Shall we?"

I kept my face front, my nose inches from the door, my tie feeling quite tight, and sweat already starting to bead along my hairline. Swallowing heavily and mustering up my courage, I reached swiftly for her hand, threading my fingers through hers and waiting for a slap. None came, however. She just squeezed my hand and moved closer to me as I pushed the heavy door open.

I closed my eyes for a brief moment. I felt… foolish, childish. I didn't feel like a specialist at all, or even a soldier for that one moment. I felt as if Kaname's hand in mine was… enough. The past few weeks had been so trying and confusing that sometimes I wondered if it was really a waste of my time, if it was a mistake to even consider acting on my impulses. I opened my eyes slowly, stealing a glance at her. Her fingers tightening around mine and the subtle hint of a blush on her cheeks washed all those questions away. I felt like a different person.

Actually, to put it bluntly…

I felt like a _person_.

Not just a weapon or a tool.

It felt good having her by my side. It felt like maybe some of her glow was rubbing off on me.

Or maybe it was just the glaring strobe lights. The sight when I tore my eyes from the beautiful girl beside me was startling. The giant crystal chandeliers above were dimmed, and the room was dark except for the sweeping colored lights and glitter from a raised disco ball. There was smoke from numerous fog machines and glitter and confetti covering the floor. It was basically a bodyguard's worst nightmare.

For a moment I wondered if we were in the right place. Wasn't this supposed to be a semi-formal? Upon careful inspection I saw that the students cramming the floor were all indeed dressed up. The room was a sea of patent leather, silk, sequins, gauze, and tulle. I guess I had been wrong when I assumed that a semi-formal would be different from normal dances, because everyone was engaging in the same blatant displays of hormonal aggression I had seen the last time I had followed Kaname to a school dance for security reasons. It isn't that I was shocked or offended, I just… felt embarrassed for them. I was bashful just thinking about what had occurred between Kaname and me in the swimming pool, and we had been all alone… well, except for the masked man / Noumen. These people were grinding together in a much more brazen way and in front of each other no less. I blinked a few times. What was the point spending that much money on a dress if you were just going to bunch it up like that?

I turned when I heard a squeal coming towards us and saw Kyouko approaching and engulfing Kaname in a hug. "Kana! You look so beautiful! I was afraid you weren't coming!"

Kaname grinned, hugging her friend back. "Thanks! You look great, too!"

The music changed suddenly, the heavy base falling out and something more upbeat chiming in. There was a roar of applause as the crowd rearranged themselves. I raised an eyebrow. Everyone seemed to be aware of something I wasn't, and Kaname grabbed my hand again as Kyouko took up my other one, dragging me into the fray.

"Ah… Kaname," I gasped as we pushed through the crowd. "What are we doing?"

Kaname grinned when we'd found a little opening, standing on one side of me a few feet away while Kyouko did the same on my other side. "The electric slide!" she cried.

The what? I didn't know what it was, but it didn't sound safe. I wouldn't trust electrical devices with such a raucous crowd. Besides, the hotel was probably nearing its maximum output with the amount of energy going into the wild lights and the stereo system as it was.

I blinked as everyone around me started to move in a precise pattern. Stepping, jumping, skipping, clapping, and turning. It looked like some twisted military march, and reminded me of the hours in the sun I spent with a rifle slung over one shoulder, walking around in a big box shape across the training grounds. Why anyone would do that by choice, and to music no less, was beyond me. Yet here was an entire senior class filled with such masochists.

"Sousuke, come on!" Kaname laughed, grinning at me.

Well, _she_ certainly seemed thrilled about the idea.

"Uh… Kaname, what's going on?"

"It's a dance!" she explained, stepping over and slowing down. "See, you start stepping like this… then the other way… then you sort of do this skip thing… then you swing your leg around, jump, clap, and do it all over again!"

Oh, well when you put it _that_ way.

I frowned at her skeptically.

"Just try it," she said. "It's fun!"

Hm… Kaname _did_ seem to know more about fun than I did. I furrowed my brow, carefully trying to mimic her movements. I couldn't keep it up for long, I felt far too ridiculous, and I kept bumping into people.

Luckily, the song ended after a few more cycles, leaving me just as bewildered and unconvinced as when it started. I was hoping to slink off to the refreshment table and then do a couple of rounds to check for emergency exits and likely hiding places for terrorists, but as soon as the next song started up, Kaname had both of my hands in hers and was… well I can only imagine she was 'dancing.'

She was moving too fast for me to register each of her movements. It was an upbeat song and she was moving with the rhythm. Her hands had relinquished mine and were all over the place, high and low, in her hair, in the air, pointing, her hips were moving and her head was nodding and twisting, sending her hair everywhere. I just stood there awkwardly, wondering how long she was going to continue this… dancing. It looked rather tiring, really. She'd probably run out of steam soon.

She whipped her hair out of her face, taking my hands and tugging me this way and that. "Sousuke!" she gasped, her breathing quick and hard. "Dance!"

Ah… ha ha ha.

Sweating resumed, only this time with a vengeance.

You can do that sort of thing on request? I hesitantly started tapping my foot, not even wanting to think about how I would look, or what my colleagues would say if they saw me doing this. My eyes flitted around the room anxiously, trying to come up with some reason I couldn't do this. I just… wasn't a dancing kind of guy. I was used to my movements having meaning and purpose. If there's no reason to move, then don't move. This random flailing of the limbs was useless and-

Kaname ceased in her movements, reaching up to cup my face in her hands. Even though she was obviously working up her own sweat, her skin felt cool against my flushed cheeks. I met her eyes reluctantly after briefly admiring what nice things her labored breathing did to her appearance. Her face tinted pink, her chest rising and falling, her hair swept away from her eyes…

"Sousuke," she said firmly, as if she sensed my thoughts wandering. "Can you do me a favor?"

I nodded wordlessly. I'd take a bullet for this girl, and she asks if I can do her a favor?

"Pretend, just for a little while, that you're not my bodyguard and I am not the target of some crazed terrorists. Pretend that nobody is going to come after me or you. Pretend that we're just a couple of eighteen-year-old kids. Just you and the music and me."

That was kind of a tall order. Pretend her life might not be in danger? Pretend a dimly lit room filled with smoke and sweating teenagers was not the perfect place to abduct an unsuspecting whispered? _No way, I can't do that, I can't-_

Kaname's smile turned mischievous as she wound her fingers around my tie, pulling me closer to her until she was pressed right up against me. I think my heart skipped a beat when she resumed her movements, this time a little more slowly and a little more deliberately, the fabric stretching and shifting, creating a warm friction between us doing nothing to dull my imagination. The scent of soap from her hair and perfume from her skin mixed with our sweat forced me to close my eyes and clench my jaw as my hands found their way to her hips of their own volition.

Control. Control. Wasn't I just commenting on this kind of dancing when I came in? It really didn't seem so bad though, not when it was Kaname dancing with me. Not when it was her hands encircling my shoulders and her chest flush against mine.

I started to move back against her, when a few lines of lyrics made their way into my ears. Something about bitches and hoes, then something about crystal meth, and then a reference to swallowing drain cleaner.

"Ka-Kaname," I groaned, trying to clear my thoughts of the heavy haze she had wrapped me up in once again. "Are you listening to this?"

"No," she said immediately. She got up on her tiptoes to whisper into my ear, her breath across my skin causing me to shudder involuntarily. "And neither should you."

But… her hands trailed down over my chest, wrapping around my lower back, her cheek against mine. _Okay, I won't listen to them. Easy enough._

A voice way, way back in my head still seemed to wonder if this wasn't wrong. Kaname is a classy girl; at least, I had always considered her so. Didn't she deserve better treatment than being ground against on a sweaty dance floor to music that was anything but romantic? She really didn't seem to have a problem with the situation though, in fact when I managed to pry my eyes open I saw her tilt her head back, her long hair hanging down behind her and the white vulnerable skin of her neck exposed. I felt a sudden, almost painful desire to touch her skin, to do something, to get closer, and then I saw something strange in the crowd behind her.

My head snapped up, my arms tightening around her protectively. I don't think she knew that protection was the reason, however, because her arms tightened right back in response and her rocking movements grew stronger.

I panted, desperately attempting to regain some control. I squinted into the crowd but it seemed there was nothing there. Must just be my heightened senses… I was certainly on edge from all of this… 'dancing.'

I turned my face into her hair, breathing slowly to calm myself. I think I mentioned before how good her hair always smelled. She sighed, turned her face and touched her lips briefly to my jaw in such a way that it might have been an accident, but I suspected it wasn't. In return, I moved and touched my lips to her temple in such a way that it might have been an accident also… but it wasn't.

Then I saw that thing in the crowd again, just for the shortest of moments: a flash of something smooth, white, and oval-shaped. My eyes flicked sharply over the crowd to find it again, but the only thing that stuck out to me was Noumen and Kazuki, seemingly devouring each other's faces. Somehow they'd both made it to the dance, if a little worse for the wear… Kazuki's eyes were still very bloodshot, and Noumen had scratches all over his face from being pressed into the cement, but they seemed to be… enjoying themselves.

The sight would normally have disgusted me, but it just calmed me. Seeing Noumen meant that I was wrong in my brief instant of alarm. I had not seen a skeleton mask amongst the dancing crowd. I hadn't. I couldn't have.

I squeezed my eyes shut. I would not get paranoid about this. This was Kaname's night, and I didn't want to ruin it by overreacting. I had already found the masked man. I had already proven Noumen's guilt. He had practically admitted it right then and there.

Although, he did deny his involvement with the gym shorts and the exploding garbage.

I clenched my teeth, holding Kaname close. Of course he denied it; he wanted Kaname to go the dance with him. Of course he wouldn't say to her face that he'd stolen her gym shorts and been using them for his own twisted purposes. Now, he was right there, just feet from us, making out with another girl. He wasn't masked. There was no masked man.

I tried to relax my muscles, but I was just too tense, Kaname was also fisting her fingers in the back of my dress shirt, rubbing her calf slowly against the back of my leg.

Ah… too many things going on at once… must… concentrate… must…

Her lips 'accidentally' found the pulse point at my neck, and one of my hands 'accidentally' slid over her thigh, my fingers clenching through the sleek fabric of her dress.

Crap! There it was again! The gruesome face appeared in the crowd for just a few seconds, then ducked away. My heart thundered in my chest. "Kaname…" I groaned, her lips leaving a damp trail when she moved her cheek back next to mine.

"Sousuke…" she purred.

_Ack, not the purring again. Do you have any idea how difficult you make my job?_

"Kaname, I…"

"Shhhhhh," she hushed me, her mouth close to my ear. The rasping of her voice and the heat of her breath sent a tingle down my spine.

"No," I said firmly, ducking my head against her shoulder for control. That was a mistake. The smooth skin under the thin strap of her dress was hot to the touch, making my breath catch. "I saw someone in the-"

"There's no one," she said harshly, "relax."

She raised her leg against mine, causing her… abdomen to brush against mine, the brief touch sending my mind completely spinning away from me. _Okay, sure. There's nobody there, I'm just dreaming it all, I'm just-_

I heard a rather sinister laugh behind me and I snapped, abruptly and completely releasing Kaname and whirling around. I cast frantically left and right.

"Sousuke!" Kaname cried behind me, clearly outraged and at the end of her rope.

_I'm sorry, Kaname. I'm so sorry. Your safety is the most important thing. I want to be with you, but I cannot ignore a threat._

"Kaname, please stay by me," I said, trying to catch my breath and stop my vision from spinning. My proximity to her had really sent my senses out of whack.

"I _am_ by you!" she snapped. "I _was_ by you. What the hell is your problem, I-"

She never finished her sentence.

I turned when she was cut off, her name on my lips, but she was gone. She was there seconds before, and then she was gone. Fury and panic rose from my stomach, my head snapped all around. She couldn't have gone far. Whoever it was just couldn't have moved so quickly. Not with a struggling Kaname. Not with so many witnesses. Noumen was still sucking face with Kazuki a few feet away. What was this? Did someone else hear of what Noumen had been doing and decide to continue the joke?

Then I saw it, Kaname's feet kicking about ten feet away, the rest of her engulfed by the crowd. I sprinted towards her until her entire body came into view. She was obviously struggling… but I couldn't see against whom. Her hands seemed like they were grasping against air at her neck, and her cries were muffled as if someone had a hand clapped over her mouth… but there was no one. I reached her, attempting to grab onto her shoulders, but my hands struck something in the air… something I couldn't see… but something was definitely there.

She seemed to remove whatever was covering her mouth, her eyes wide in fear. "Sousuke!" she shrieked, her elbows jabbing behind her, her feet stomping and kicking against her invisible captor.

_Yeah, I'm working on it!_ I circled around her back, grabbing onto something behind her that I couldn't see… no, some_one_. My hands clutched shoulders, wrenching whatever it was away from her and throwing it to the ground. I then leapt on top of it, hands groping around until I found its neck, lifting and slamming, lifting and slamming, its head colliding with the swirled pattern of the hardwood dance floor. What the hell was this? Clearly it was a person, but people can't be _invisible_. I saw a few spatters of blood on the floor, and kept one hand on its neck while I reached into my waistband for my weapon. Lifting it to where I imagined its forehead would be, I roared, "Show yourself!"

Kaname was standing beside me, her breath labored, her hand clutching her heart. There was a crowd forming around us now. Apparently wrestling with and pulling a gun on a non-existent enemy was odd even for me. I ignored the whispers and gasps of the people in the circle, repeating my command in a ruthless tone.

Suddenly, the image of a man in black wearing a skeleton mask crackled once or twice beneath me like television static before solidifying. I heard Noumen laughing behind me, but didn't turn to look.

"Oh _man,"_ he groaned. "I never expected _this!_"

"_What?"_ Kaname snarled.

Noumen's laughter grew louder and more abrasive. "No wonder your military friend blamed me for all kinds of shit I didn't do… Talk about weird…"

I ignored Noumen and chose to focus on the matter at hand. With a furious growl I pulled the mask from the face of my prisoner, not moving my weapon from his temple.

There was a gasp all around us, the crowd moving back a step.

Kaname fell to her knees beside us, her hand coming up to rub her eyes as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing. "Mr… Mr. Takamori!" she croaked.

I stared grimly down at the sweaty face of Kaname's guidance counselor.

More than 'why the hell was Kaname's guidance counselor stalking her,' I wanted to know 'why the hell did Kaname's guidance counselor have a personal ECS device?' I threw the mask aside, one hand forcing both of his hands above his head while my other felt around and grabbed the small back box that was attached to his hip. I assumed it had something to do with his ability to disappear at will.

My mind reeled. How could that even be possible? Cloaking aircraft and armslaves were one thing, but rendering a person of flesh and blood completely invisible? I had never heard of such a device, nor did I really think it was possible. Still, I had just seen it in front of my very eyes, and it certainly filled in some holes in the past few weeks. No wonder I could never catch the freak… he might have been standing right next to me and I never would have known. Of course, I wasn't looking for the regular signs that ECS was being employed, but why would I? People weren't supposed to be able to use ECS on their own. It was unbelievable.

I tugged and tugged, but frowned when I couldn't seem to be able to move the box.

Takamori grinned in a rather twisted way, spitting up blood from his head being repeatedly smashed into the floor. "You can't remove that, Sergeant. It's grafted to my muscles."

Sergeant? How did he know that? _Don't be smart with me, asshole. Can't remove it? How much do you want to bet?_ Bracing myself, I used all my strength and pulled hard on the black box, tearing it right out of place. Takamori screamed and coughed, and when I pulled the box into my sight I saw the wires torn and sparking, bonded to the ravaged ends of veins and sinew.

The girls in the crowd shrieked and groaned at the sight of blood dripping from the device, and now pooling under their guidance counselor's hip. I stared down at him, wide eyed. There was no doubt now that he was part of some terrorist organization. How else would he get his hands on such technology?

"What is going on here?" I looked up to see Hayashimizu, the student council president, standing over us with one hand on his hip and the other holding a fan over his mouth.

"My guidance counselor has been stalking me!" Kaname cried, clearly flabbergasted. "He grabbed me and tried to kidnap me!"

Hayashimizu raised an eyebrow, flicking the fan shut. "That is strictly against faculty guidelines."

_Faculty guidelines?_ True, I did appreciate the support Hayashimizu often gave me, but the guy is nuts.

Hayashimizu gave a wave of his fan and several hotel security guards approached. "Take this man to the principle. I do believe there will be changes in his contract."

I shook my head. "With all due respect, your Excellency, I think a stricter course of action might be more appropriate at this time."

"Sagara, you have done enough, your vigilance should be commended. I can take this from here."

I swallowed as I climbed off of the lunatic, getting to my feet and watching carefully as the security guards flanked around him and escorted him from the ballroom. I clutched the black box in my hand. I would report this to Mithril immediately after the dance. They would track down Takamori and do what they saw fit with him. In the meantime, he would be fired and lose his dental benefits, which brought me some small satisfaction. I sighed, stuffed the box into one of my pockets and replaced my weapon, wiping my bloody hands on the front of my black pants. I was having a hard time mentally keeping up with all that had just happened. Kaname's guidance counselor? What had they been talking about at all of those meetings? An ECS device grafted to its owner? How far in did those wires go? To his brain? How much of a person was he, and how much machine? Who had done this, and how? Furthermore, was Noumen somehow truly involved? If he had the mask and admitted to using it, then how much of the wrong-doings were comitted by Noumen, and how much by Takamori?

The crowd was stirring awkwardly, everyone looking around anxiously, a large empty circle left where the puddle of blood still sat. I looked at Kaname, who had stood and was gazing at her feet, her expression stricken.

I reached out to touch her arm hesitantly, but jerked back when my fingertips left a smeared trail of blood on her fair skin. "I… I'm sorry," I whispered, unable to tear my eyes from the red on white.

She looked down at the blood on her arm, then up at my face. Slowly, the ghostly look on her face faded to one of forced annoyance. She wanted to seem like she didn't care, like she could handle it. But how could that be? A man she had been meeting with all semester for whatever reason just turned out to be the same one who stole her clothing and was out to get her. She shook her head and took my hands in both of hers, prying my fingers open to inspect my bloody palms.

She clucked her tongue, reaching into her purse and procuring a handkerchief. She then wiped both of my hands clean, rubbing fiercely to prevent staining, and stuffed the bloody thing back in her purse. I looked down, wide eyed, at my now clean hands in hers. How could she do that? How could she look so easily past the surface? How could she not run screaming and crying from the scene as I would expect any civilian to do? How could she touch me now, and wipe it all away?

I swallowed, willing myself to breath again. Kaname was made of different stuff than everyone else. There was something different about her, something more fierce, more vibrant. Something stronger and more flexible… something brighter. I had long since stopped trying to understand just what it was. I could only accept it, admire it, and be grateful that we had crossed paths.

The DJ had stopped the music when he noticed the commotion, but now with everyone just standing around in shock, the first few notes of a slow song poured into the ballroom. I hesitated, but made my decision quickly when I met Kaname's eyes. There was pride in them, and courage, but also fear and hope that I knew she was trying to suppress. My chest tightened at the thought. Kaname should not have to suppress her fear. She should have someone to protect her and let her know she was going to be okay. She wasn't like me; she didn't deserve to have to face down her nightmares. She shouldn't have to feel bitterness and betrayal. She shouldn't have to rein in and silence her hope. Maybe I couldn't always be there for her. Maybe I'd be called away or killed. Maybe I couldn't give her everything she deserved, but I could at least try to comfort her, at least for now.

"Kaname…"

She seemed to shiver, running her hands over her arms. She had a faraway look on her face. "He was supposed to help me," she said, her voice thick and troubled.

_He? Oh, Mr. Takamori?_ "Help you with what?" I asked gently.

She shook her head. "With… it's a long story."

I frowned. Kaname had a problem she wasn't telling me about? I always assumed it was something college-related she had been discussing with her counselor. Was it something more serious? Something she didn't feel I should know about?

"I don't understand," she admitted, her brow furrowed in thought. "Both Noumen _and_ Mr. Takamori had masks? Both of them were following me around?"

I nodded. "Maybe... I will ensure Mithril looks into this properly. Both of them will face consequences.."

"And Mr. Takamori had some kind of ECS device?"

"That's the way it appears," I answered. I just wanted to give her a big hug. I wanted to take her somewhere she would be safe and not have to worry about any of this. I felt so helpless… it felt like there was nothing I could do for her.

She swallowed. "So he probably isn't just some pervert then… huh? There's probably something worse going on."

I nodded. It hurt to admit that to her. I would do just about anything to tell her he was just some whacko and it wouldn't happen again. "Most likely."

She smiled ruefully to her feet. "What an eventful end of senior year this has been," she said quietly. "Tear gas at the march, trespassing, exploding dumpsters, masked guidance counselors, and now some terrorist organization is after me… _again._"

I straightened up, my face set with my resolve. "I will take care of this, Miss Chidori. You do not need to worry."

She met my eyes at that, and I frowned when I heard the words come out of my own mouth. Ever the vigilant protector I am. We can get as sweaty and hormonal as we want and it's… all the same.

She shook her head, her eyes filled with a mix of resignation and a kind of sad amusement. "We just can't win, can we? We can never have what we want."

Is that really true? After all of the changes I've made, all of the progress I've worked for? Will it all come down to safety and caution? Are her safety and her love mutually exclusive? Can I hold her close to me and still do my duty? Can I be there for her and still be loyal to Mithril? Would staying by her side give my life meaning? Or would it strip me of my purpose?

"I…" I tried to find words, tried to come up with some answer. There was still so much I did not understand. So many things I still needed to sort out. Maybe this was too soon, maybe we should stay as we were: separate but… secure.

She stepped closer to me, her eyes soft in the dim light, the glint of hope brighter now and more pronounced. Was it the right thing to put it out? To end this now before things spun out of control?

Yes, it was the right thing.

…

…

But…

Everyone makes mistakes.

Even specialists.

My life could be straightforward and organized if I pushed her away now. I could help humanity and make a hell of a lot of money. I could become even more skilled and accomplished. I could rise in the ranks and master the Arbalest. It could be a life free of distraction and confusion, one in which I knew my path and what lay ahead.

But Kaname made my days more than just following orders. I was hurt when she was hurt, when she was afraid I was angry with whatever was scaring her, and when she smiled I felt a fulfillment that did not accompany any other mission I completed. Life would be complex with Kaname in it. I would spend my days unsure of myself, dazed and confused, probably dodging whacks from her fan, and constantly wondering what I had done to piss her off yet again. But… at least I would be alive; at least I would be giving it all an honest effort. I could choose to stand on solid, even ground. But I didn't want that. I wanted the whole thing… the whole 'shebang.'

I felt a weight lift from my shoulders. I always feel better when I make decisions… even if I decide to sentence myself to a lifetime of clueless flailing.

I took a deep breath, looking down at Kaname, who was gazing up at me curiously. I held out my hand to her. "Would you like to dance?"

She cocked her head at me suspiciously, raising an eyebrow. "This isn't some kind of trick, is it? You're not going to like… dance me into a safe house or use dancing as an excuse to spin around and look out for intruders, are you?"

Hm, she's good. I hadn't even thought of that. Maybe another time.

"No," I said honestly. "I was under the impression that dancing would be the main event of the evening, and since we've already spent the majority of our time here unmasking villains, I assumed you would be interested in dancing."

She squinted at me, seemingly unconvinced, but put her hand in mine and lifted her other arm across my shoulders. It was odd… normally, with her so close, my heart would be beating at a ridiculous rate, I'd be sweating, and my mind would be thrown to the wind. At that moment however, it just felt… right. It felt like at that moment, in the place, with that girl, I was exactly where I was supposed to be. It didn't feel awkward or intimidating. Actually, I felt calm and content, her cheek resting on my chest and her breath puffing over my neck, her fingers threaded through mine. I had chosen my path, and for just a few brief moments, I felt… safe.

We said nothing, oblivious to the fact that we were the only ones dancing, that the rest of the class was still staring at the puddle of blood, or at the two crazy kids that seemed to find the situation romantic enough to hold each other close and slow dance. Even Kazuki and Noumen had stopped snogging and stood aghast.

After a while Kaname sighed. "I can't believe Mr. Takamori… I just…" she took in a shaking breath. "I just don't know who I can trust anymore."

"You can trust me," I said earnestly. _Don't you know that by now?_

She half-laughed at that. "Can I? You don't even know why you're here. You just do what you're told. If Mithril told you to throw me out of a moving vehicle, you'd salute and give me a good push."

I pulled back from her slightly so I could look into her eyes. "That's not true," I said firmly. "I'd never do anything to hurt you."

She glared at me incredulously. "That's a load of crap, Sousuke. Every time you leave it hurts me!" she snapped her mouth shut, maybe realizing what she'd just said. She turned her face away from me, but I tightened my hold on her so she couldn't run away.

"I don't want to hurt you," I said. "But I'm afraid that's how it will be, if…" _if we're together, if it's you and me, if we face all this side by side._ "I'll have to leave sometimes, I'll be called to duty, and I will have to go. I don't know when, or for how long, but…" _but I'll always come back to you._

"Kaname…" our movements had stopped. We just stood in the middle of the dance floor, our arms around each other. "I wish I could make promises to you, but I don't think that would be fair."

'_I wish.' When have I ever wished?_

"I don't know exactly where my allegiance lies… I don't know what's going to be asked of me or how far apart we'll ever be… but I don't stay with you because it's an order. I stay because… I want to." _Because I want you._ "…and I might not always be with you, but I will always be on your side."

She swallowed, her eyes searching my face as if she couldn't believe what she was hearing. "What if Mithril ordered you against me?"

I did not hesitate. "I would have to question the motives of an organization that would wish to cause harm to someone as…" _wonderful, brilliant, beautiful, precious_ "…someone like you."

I leaned my forehead against hers, studying the way her lashes fluttered against her cheeks, her skin tinted pink with hope and curiosity.

"Sousuke…" she whispered, her lips so close to mine. I could just tilt my head and seal the whole deal.

"Mmm?"

"Sousuke… you're vibrating."

I'm _what_?

Oh. I let go of her reluctantly, reaching into my pocket and procuring my cell phone. I took her hand and lead her with me away from the speakers where I could better hear. I flipped it open and held it up to my ear. "Sagara. Is this really important?"

"Yes, it's urgent!" It was Melissa's voice, and she sounded flustered. My stomach turned. I hoped it wasn't something to do with Takamori, or some kind of threat to the building. I really didn't want to deal with anything at the moment. Telling Kaname how I felt was my first priority. This had been dragged out for too long. "Meet us out on the pavilion in 180 seconds. We sent a chopper."

My heart sunk. I had to leave _now_? Of all times. I was trying to convince Kaname that I would be there for her, that she could trust me, and I had to get in a helicopter and leave her behind. I frowned. "What's the situation?" Couldn't they take someone else?

"We don't have time for that. I'll brief you when you arrive." The line went dead. My throat constricted. It probably wouldn't be a great idea to throw a tantrum, but that's what I really wanted to do. I had never thrown a tantrum before and wasn't eager to start. Still, I really felt I could throw my phone to the ground, kick, scream, and tear my hair out.

Instead I clenched my jaw and flipped the phone shut, putting it back in my pocket. I had three minutes. More like two, now. I would have to make them count.

"Please come with me," I said firmly, already tugging her towards the doors.

"What? Why? What's going on?" Kaname frowned as she kept pace with me.

"I have to go on a mission," I said grimly.

"What! But it's the middle of the dance! You can't just leave me here!"  
"I do not like it either," I said. "However, there seems to be an emergency situation and my presence is required." It had to be something with the venom type. Something that called for the Arbalest. I was probably in the worst frame of mind for that kind of work.

But then, maybe I was in the best frame of mind. Maybe what a soldier really needs in battle is a reason to survive, something that I knew I had now. I had to survive so I could surpass my status as a weapon and a tool. I had a life to live.

We reached the pavilion, a large stone patio kind of thing. It was overlooking a lighted fountain in the grounds, and the night was clear and cool. It's a good thing these romantic situations just set themselves up for me, because there's no way I could design this kind of stuff on my own. It seemed fate really wanted me to say those three little words.

I stopped running when we reached the middle and looked at my watch. Sixty seconds. Mithril was never late.

I rested my hands on Kaname's shoulders, looking straight into her eyes.

She was glaring at me, obviously ready to strike.

"Kaname," I said seriously. "I know I've made many mistakes with you, both professionally and socially, and for that I am truly sorry. If I had the ability, I would make everything easy and smooth for you. You would have everything you want and never be in danger and never be alone." I licked my lips, speaking as quickly as I could without mumbling. I needed to get this all out. "But I can't do that for you. I can only promise to protect you whenever I am around. I'll do everything I can to make you happy and keep you safe. I would not hesitate to sacrifice my own life if it meant you would be better off for it."

Kaname was staring at me, wide-eyed, probably wondering where all this was coming from. I trudged onward.

"I never thought this could happen to me. I thought my whole life was laid out in front of me, and now I'm not so sure. Now everything is upside down and I can't keep it all straight, but the one thing I know for certain is that you are the most important person-"

I paused, looking up at the sky when I heard the incoming helicopter. I could see it getting closer, the whir of the blades and the wooshing of the wind filling the air. By the time I looked back at her the noise was unbearable. We couldn't even hear the blaring base from the ballroom anymore.

I swallowed, bracing myself. "I love you!" I yelled, my voice hardly carrying. "I'm sorry, but I love you!"  
Kaname had reached one hand down to keep her skirt from flapping up, and one hand up to keep her hair from flying into her face. "What!" she yelled back, although I couldn't hear her, only read her lips.

"I love you!"

"What!"

_Aw, fuck. What **is** this?_ The chopper was hovering now; I could see them preparing to throw a ladder down. It really _was_ serious if they didn't even want to take the time to land.

I took Kaname's purse, rifling through it until I found a pen. Girls carry some really useful stuff in their purses, they are surprisingly well equipped.

I clicked the pen open and grabbed her hand, hastily scrawling along her smooth pale skin.

_I love you._

She better be able to read my poor handwriting, or I think I'll shoot myself. I released her, and she looked down at her hand, her lips parting in amazement.

_Okay, say something. Anything._ But, she just stood there, staring down at the back of her hand.

"I have to go!" I yelled, but it was useless, I knew she couldn't hear me. I jerked my thumb towards the chopper and the hanging ladder.

She looked up at me finally, blinking, tears in her eyes… although in all fairness that might have been because of the extreme stinging wind from the helicopter.

I turned and took a few steps to the ladder then stopped, turned back around, took her face in my hands, and…

Well, I kind of missed. My lips pressed gently to the corner of her mouth. She stood completely still. I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to move my lips or what, but I figured starting simple was probably a good idea. We remained like that for a few seconds, my eyes shut against the wind, her lips warm against mine even though it was so cold around us.

I reluctantly pulled away, walking backwards away from her and grinning, shoving my hands in my pockets. I know; I'm not really the grinning type. It's rare that I even smile. But I'd just told Kaname how I felt and I even kissed her, if a bit oddly, and she didn't slap me, whip out the fan, run screaming, or even yell at me. She just stood there, holding onto the hem of her skirt with both hands, a look of sheer amazement etched into her features.

I turned and grabbed onto the ladder, sweeping my tie over one shoulder to keep it out of my way. I looked back briefly. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, as if trying to get words out, and then she smiled softly, her lips forming inaudible but unmistakable words.

"I love you, too."

I felt my whole body warm, and it all seemed worth it. I loved Kaname, and she loved me. We were in love. I felt like painting that somewhere, or screaming, or… well, for once I actually felt like _dancing_.

Sweating, grinding, whatever. I'd even do the electric slide, if she wanted me to.

I nodded with a renewed grin, wanting nothing more than to run back and stay with her, never leave her side. Instead I turned back to the ladder and put my foot on the first rung.

I turned back again when she grabbed my arm, and she got up on her tiptoes to yell into my ear so I could hear.

"Come home soon."

Then it was her turn to take my face in her hands, and she had much better aim. Her lips pressed firmly against mine. The sensation made my muscles feel weak and useless; it was difficult to hold onto the ladder. I had half the mind to just let go of it all together and take her back into my arms and continue this.

But I felt a tug along the ladder and Kaname pulled back, a warm happiness settled in her eyes. I tore my gaze from her and looked up to see one of the chopper operatives looking panicky and rushed. I guess there was a battle that needed fighting. _Well hello, there's a beautiful girl down here that needs kissing, but you don't see me ringing bells about it!_

I turned back, perfectly prepared to pick up where we left off, but Kaname had backed away out of reach, her hands returned to maintaining her modesty.

With one last smile, I made my way up the ladder, not looking back until I'd reached the top and climbed in. The minute I was strapped in the chopper began to move, and I looked quickly out the window.

Kaname appeared to be laughing. She reached into her purse and pulled out the handkerchief she'd used to wipe my hands, it was still patched red and white. She used one hand to keep her dress down, and with the other she waved the handkerchief at me melodramatically. Her smile never faded. I watched her as long as I could while we sped away, watched until the speck of light that was the hotel faded completely out of view.

Maybe I should have felt serious, our anxious, or at least been preparing my brain for the fight ahead, but all I could think about was her lips on mine, and her last words to me.

_Come home soon_.

Not come _back_ soon. Come _home_ soon. Home. I'd never really had a home. I'd always been on the move. Kaname would be on the move… she'd be gone from school, moving into her college dorm. Where was home? But I knew the answer to that question. It was with her. I'd build myself a life, a real life, and I'd build it around her. I loved Kaname. She was my friend, now more than my friend. She was my home. Kisses, paper fans, and all. The whole thing. The whole shebang.

Come home soon?

I will.

Not I'll 'try.'

_I will._


	9. Epilogue

From: Sagara Sousuke (Sagara at moessecurity.biz)

To: Chidori Kaname (browneyedgirl174 at mailmailmail.jp)

CC:

Subject: Re: You better still be alive!

Kaname-

Yes, I am still alive. The task was completed quickly and efficiently. No one was seriously injured, and we suffered very little collateral damage.

After the mission, I had an interesting conversation with the captain. They had Takamori and Noumen questioned and were able to fill in some holes in my understanding. Apparently, Noumen had appointments with Takamori regularly due to the regular senior business. He found the mask in Takamori's room and used it to steal your gym shorts and take your clothes when we were in the pool. He was also planning to employ it at the march, but obviously he never had the opportunity. Takamori was actually the one who was outside of your apartment that night, and he was the one outside of the dugout. He either took the mask out of the trash at the march or else found a new one to use at the dance.

Unfortunately, the captain was not able to inform me about more important matters. I still don not know why Takamori would want to follow you around or terrorize you. I also don not know what organization he is with or how he obtained such dangerous technology. I assure you, Mithril is investigating this and will uncover it shortly. Please be at ease.

Providing there are no problems with debriefing, I should return to Tokyo within 48 hours. I would like to inquire if you have any interest in seeking mutual nourishment.

-SS

From: Chidori Kaname (browneyedgirl174 at mailmailmail.jp)

To: Sagara Sousuke (Sagara at moessecurity.biz)

CC:

Subject: Re: Re: You better still be alive!

Sousuke!

I can't believe I almost went to the dance with that creep. Naoko and Danko are really great for each other. You have to come back soon, or you're going to miss graduation. I'm going to give the best speech the school has ever heard, so you better be there.

Dinner sounds great.

-Kaname

* * *

The thing about love is it has all of these hidden benefits that they never tell you about. Everyone goes on and on about how distracting it is, how all-encompassing, how literally expensive. Yes, that's all true. However, I would argue that being in love also makes for much more efficient work. Consider the executive that gets through all of the day's budgets and reports an hour early so he can run home to his wife. Or what about the workers that are willing to take on more work and extra hours, raising their standards exponentially in hopes of getting a promotion so they can finally afford that house in the suburbs? 

Or, take for example the young military specialist, who dispatches of three venom types in record time without any injuries or serious damages to issued equipment, because, frankly, he doesn't feel like hanging out on some freaky enemy occupied island, and he'd much rather be at his girl's apartment learning about anatomy.

Despite this being the truth, I just didn't feel I could write that in my report. Mardukas had thrust the forms into my hands, excited and enthused, anxious to know what new methods I had developed to suddenly be so darn good at my work. I sat in the barracks, just hours after returning, tapping my pen against my clip board. I just didn't think it was a great idea to write "_operations were wildly successful because I, Urzu 7, have fallen swiftly, awkwardly, but inevitably in love."_

In retrospect, maybe I _should_ have written that. One thing I absolutely learned from the whole ordeal is that everything can be viewed through an entirely different lens than I had been looking through before. All my life I had chosen my words so carefully, been so cautious about what I said, consciously and subconsciously. Maybe it's better to just say "hey, want to go out to dinner?" I'd really like to be able to say that. Maybe it's better to hold the girl you love and tell her so… rather than wait until the most inopportune moment and write it on her hand. Maybe it would be better to look my superior officer in the eye and say "look buddy, I disposed of those vermin so quickly because for the first time in as long as I can remember I actually felt like I had something to live for."

But then, change always occurs so slowly. I'll need time to acclimate. I'll need time before I can come to terms with what this all means for me, what this entails for the way I live my life. I'll need time before I can confront all of this with Mithril, let them know that I basically broke every single rule in the body-guard handbook.

I imagine the body-guard handbook would look something like this:

1.) Never have warm-blooded thoughts about your charge, including when they are participating in athletics.

2.) Never let jealousy interfere with your operations.

3.) Never announce to a philosophy class that you are in love with your charge.

4.) Actually, just don't fall in love with your charge.

5.) Never throw paper air-planes at your charge.

6.) Never cuddle with your charge on her balcony.

7.) Never hold your charge's hand.

8.) Never skinny-dip with your charge.

9.) Never ask your charge on a date.

10.) Never wear pink so your charge will like you.

11.) Never dance with your charge.

12.) Absolutely no grinding.

13.) Never get choked up when your charge wipes blood from your hands.

14.) Never tell your charge that you love her.

15.) Never kiss your charge.

Yes, it has certainly been an interesting introduction to my life of star-struck misdemeanors. How terrible is it that even as I'm sitting here, I find myself thinking of more rules I intend on breaking?

1.) Never disobey orders for your charge.

2.) Absolutely no making out.

3.) Never spend exorbitant amounts of money on your charge.

4.) Never commit a kidnapping/blackmail to stay close to your charge.

Ah... hahaha... but that is another story entirely.

* * *

_End_

_n._

_2. To arrive at a place, situation, or condition as a result of a course of action._

_5. Something toward which one strives; a goal._


End file.

Full Metal Panic, Humor, Romance