South of Nowhere 1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone.. Long time no see.. I took a long break but I had this story on my mind for quite some time now.. So I thought to give it a try.. Now I am back to writing.. Hope you are good and ready to read a new story of mine..**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

**Ashley's POV**

Living behind closed doors never helped.. Living a lie was the worst thing I did.. Trying to find who I was and what I wanted was my purpose.. The need I had to explore.. To escape.. It was the only thing that I fought really hard for..

Being a pilot in the 1940s it was a no no.. Women were to stay inside their houses, baking all day, giving birth to children.. But not me.. The sad part was that I had to compromise to become what I wanted to be.. In order to have something I wanted I had to become something I hated.. A lovely wife to someone I hardly knew but my parents wanted me to marry.. They thought that if I would get married then this whole thing would fade at the end.. If only they knew..

I always felt different inside.. But what being different means really? Are you different when you are allergic to flowers and the others are not? Are you different if you don't like some foods? I couldn't put my hand to why I was feeling different but it was something I was feeling for years now..

I was born the 4th of July in 1920.. The independence day.. I was one of those kids that had everything but at the same time nothing.. My parents.. My father was in politics and my mother was the lovely wife that she was supposed to be.. The daughter of the mayor of New York.. Classy you might think.. But it wasn't.. I was raised to be the perfect daughter.. Their sun who was supposed to shine.. To follow their path.. I guess at the end I wasn't like them.. I always wanted something more..

Growing up my mother wanted me not to speak my mind, not to do what I wanted but what I was allowed to do.. I had the specific time to eat, play, study and sleep.. Like all girls of my class should do.. They were raising us to be the perfect dolls for our future husbands.. Up until I was fourteen I was the perfect doll.. I still remember the day when one of my dad's friends came to our home.. It was the first time I was meeting him.. Never seen him before.. He was wearing a blue army air force pilot outfit with lots of medals hanging from his shirt.. I met others from military before but he seemed different.. I said my hellos and left my father with him to talk.. Women weren't allowed.. I remember being at the kitchen when the same man came.. I remember him giving me his wings when he saw me staring one of his medals.. When I held the wings I knew what I wanted.. But what I wanted I couldn't have..

After that day I felt the change inside me.. The one that was making me feel different all this long.. I wanted to go out from the golden cage my mother was keeping me inside. I wanted to go outside the world and see new places.. Meet new people.. Be free.. And that I did by reading books.. I have been to places I could never think of.. I met different people from all cultures.. Up until the day I saw all these places, and met all these people.. The day I actually became a pilot myself..

When I was nineteen the world as I know it changed.. We were on war again.. I read about World War I but at that time I wasn't born.. This World War meant to change my life for more than one reasons.. I remember listening to the radio every day what was going on to the other countries and I was wondering why my country wasn't participating yet.. My mother was living in her own world.. She thought that this was something that would go away.. Like a mosquito bite.. But it wasn't.. People were dying.. Innocent people.. And I wanted to help but I couldn't.. My father never answered my questions.. Instead he was being silent..

The next two years found me extremely happy and mad.. It was the time I found out that they were recruiting women in air force and that my country was finally there to fight as all the other countries did before us.. The problem though was my mother.. When I told my parents that I wanted to go to air force their answer was nothing but no.. They didn't even listen to me and what I was saying.. No.. The daughter, of the now Senator of New York, Raife Davies could never go out there and become a pilot.. It was forbidden.. I was twenty one and I never said no to my parents.. I always did what they wanted me to do but this thing was something I wanted for so long.. And now I had the chance to do it..

"Absolutely not. You heard me.."

"But mother.. You didn't listen to me.."

"I said no.. The daughter of the senator wearing pants and being a pilot.. This is for men and you are a woman.. End of discussion"

The last year my mother was trying to persuade me to marry.. I was already old enough.. Girls of my class were married since they were eighteen.. I was already twenty one.. I managed to say no all the time but in order to have something I wanted I had to give her something she wanted as well..

"If you let me do what I want I am going to marry. What is his name again?"

"Aiden Dennison.. His father is the Governor of New York.. How many times do I need to remind you that?"

"As I said.. You let me go and I get marry.." when I said that I saw her debating with herself.. It was like Shakespeare's line from Hamlet.. _'To let her go or not to let her go? That is the question'.._

"I am going to discuss this with your father"

"Mother is simple.. You give me something I want you get something you want"

"When did you become like this?"

"When I grew up"

"Even if you marry he won't accept it. No man would accept his wife to be a pilot"

"We will see that.. I want to meet him first"

"Dinner tomorrow"

Something I was known for was that I was persistent.. Now that I knew that everything I wanted was right there for me nothing could stop me.. Even if that would be me marry some guy I didn't know..

Aiden Dennison was the perfect guy.. And a girl like me would be crazy for not wanting to marry him.. 6 foot 5, handsome, graduated from Yale, a promising lawyer, green eyes to die for and most of all a good guy.. Although he was older than me I could see on his face some kind of innocence.. The dinner wasn't a disaster and at the end I didn't hate Aiden as I thought I would..

His family wanted him to marry with a girl of the same class that he was coming from.. And my family wanted the same.. I wish how it would be to actually fall in love and marry someone you love.. And I am wondering how it would be if I wasn't the daughter of Raife and Christine Davies.. Would I find someone to love?

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Ashley's POV**

Have you ever realized how everything changes if you close your eyes? It might be completely dark but yet you can use colors.. You can be anywhere you want.. And most of all you can be either with yourself or with someone you want.. I used to do that when I wanted to escape from everyone and everything.. When I didn't want to listen to what my mom was telling me.. When I just wanted to go to a happy place..

It was the dinner day and the day I would meet my future husband.. Aiden Dennison.. He was coming from a family with a name like ours.. His father was the Governor of New York and my father was the Senator.. His family was rich and snobby like every other family of his class.. But surprisingly he wasn't like that.. I met him one or two times before, when we had those business dinners for my dad..

Aiden was seven years older than I was.. I was twenty one and he was twenty eight.. Already graduated from Yale and working to a big lawyer company.. He had indeed a promising future.. I knew he liked me because I could see the way he was looking at me every time we would be at the same place.. I am not going to lie.. He was beautiful, clever, with money, good family.. Pretty much he had everything.. All girls were drooling at him.. But not me.. Why? Sometimes I was asking myself the same.. What was it that couldn't make me feel that way? But it wasn't him only.. I didn't feel anything when I was meeting a guy.. And let me tell you that my mom brought home a lot of future husbands.. All of them were nice, educated, and they had the package.. But not any of them did something to me..

"Ashley he is here.. Go open the door"

"Yes mother"

When I opened the door Aiden was there waiting. When he saw me he gave me that smile that would make a girl lose her balance and kissed my hand like a gentleman he was.. He was holding two bouquets.. One with beautiful lilies that was my favorite flower and the other one had roses.. He offered me the lilies and I suppose the other one was for my mother..

"Hello.."

"Hi Aiden.. Lets get inside"

Before I say anything else my mother practically run to where he was standing.. If I didn't know any better I would say she was in love with him.. Aiden offered her the roses and then my dad came.. They shacked hands and we all went to the living room..

"It is so nice to see you again Aiden.. How is your mother and father?"

"They are doing good Mrs Davies.. Dad is always at his office though. That's the price of being the Governor"

"If you excuse me I have to finish my speech for tomorrow.. When dinner is ready tell me" my dad said and stood from where he was sitting.. He wasn't with us not even ten minutes..

My dad was a stern, difficult man and being in politics didn't make it easier.. I do believe that my parents marriage was a mistake.. They didn't love each other and they were more like two people living in the same house than a wife and husband.. And what makes me sad was that my mom wanted the same for me too.. She wanted me to marry someone even if I didn't love him..

An hour passed with my mother talking about anything you could imagine and while this dinner was supposed to be about me and Aiden at the end it was about how a wife must be, how she is suppose to treat her husband and have kids as soon as possible.. This whole conversation was making me sick..

"If you excuse me.." I stood up and went anywhere but close to where my mom and her irritating voice was.. I took my coat and went outside to breathe.. I felt like I was suffocating inside there..

"Your mother is something else.." I didn't hear him coming.. But I wasn't scared either.. His voice was calm and relaxing..

"Tell me about it.."

"Are you ok?"

"Want the truth?"

"I would appreciate it"

"No. All this is, I can't even find the words.."

"Surreal?"

I smiled "Yeah.. Surreal.."

"You are a beautiful woman Ashley.. Clever, and very very interesting"

"Aiden, I like you and because I like you I am going to tell you that all this is.." before I continue he put his finger on my lips and hushed me..

"I know.. I like you too Ashley.. Very much if I might say.. I know what our families want.. They want us to get married.. I would like that.. But I feel that is not what you want.. Yet though its your choice.. I can be your husband and maybe one day I hope you can love me.. Or I can be your friend and.." in my mind I had nothing but air force.. I told my mom that if I would marry Aiden she should let me go.. Air force was what I could think of..

"We can try.."

"So.. What do you think? Should we go inside now?"

"I think we should"

After dinner Aiden stayed for a drink.. Dad asked him to.. Like he said _'Let's go to my office to talk'_

"Ladies.." Aiden said and followed my father..

"I can't believe you Ashley.. You left while we had our guest here.."

"I wanted to breathe"

"You wanted to breathe? Really? Why? You act like someone is trying to kill you.. Aiden is an amazing young man.. Like all the others.. And yet you are sitting there being twenty one not married yet because everyone you see it's not up to your standards.."

"I will marry him.. That's what you want right? To be unhappy like you are with your husband that happens to be my father.. But I will marry Aiden.. So now you can relax.. And tell all your friends about being the mother in law of Aiden Dennison.. And you know what? I won't even ask you about going to air force because now I will be legally bonded to Aiden.. So I will ask my husband"

I didn't stay to listen to anything she had to say.. Instead I went to my room crying for I don't know how long till someone knocked at my door.. It was my maid, Sofia..

"Ms Ashley.. Your father wants you to come downstairs"

I really didn't want to see anyone but I knew that when my father would say something he wouldn't say the same thing again.. So I washed my face and went downstairs to see Aiden, my mother and father sitting in the living room waiting for me..

"Ashley come over here please.. Aiden and I had a talk between men.. He told me about asking you to marry him and you said yes. Is that true?"

"Yes, father"

"Aiden you are more than welcome to our family. Please tell your parents to come tomorrow for a dinner so we can discuss about the wedding"

"Of course sir.. Thank you for accepting me to your family"

Before Aiden leaves he took me aside so it could be only the two of us.. Today I was engaged.. It felt weird..

"Are you ok? You know.. with everything"

"Why shouldn't I be? We are getting married right?"

"Ashley, I promise you that I will try to make you happy every day.. The only thing you need to do is to let me keep that promise to you.."

"Thanks Aiden.. So.. See you tomorrow.. Goodnight"

"Goodnight Ashley.. Till tomorrow" he said and leaned close so he could kiss my cheek..

When he left I tried to go to my room but my parents had other plans for me.. Like it wasn't enough the fact that I would marry..

"Ashley, come here and sit with us.." my father said.. "Your mother told me for your insane want to become a woman pilot and go to war.. You do understand that you are the daughter of Raife Davies, the Senator of New York and you will marry Aiden who is the son of the Governor.. So flying planes and go to war is not what a woman should do"

"But father.. I told mom that if you would let me I.."

"My answer is final. You will marry Aiden as you agreed you would and this is it.. Forget all about this.. Now go to your room"

I couldn't believe what was happening.. They tricked me.. My mother tricked me.. I said that I would marry Aiden and then I could be what I wanted.. But I wouldn't let them hold me down as they did all these years.. They wanted me to get marry? I would.. But I would take on my side Aiden.. He would be my husband after all and I said to my mom I wouldn't ask them anything again.. Aiden would be my family from now on and I would be closer to my dream..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Ashley's POV**

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><p>Our life is in our hands.. They say that everything is already written.. From whom? The fates? God? I do believe that we make our own future.. But in order to achieve what we want in life we have to do sacrifices, we need to work hard and we need to be patient.. And I did all that..<p>

Three months passed since the night Aiden was at my home.. We were planning for the wedding but seriously I didn't want anything.. I wanted something simple but no.. Our mothers wanted the best and they wanted to make it a big deal.. Aiden didn't say anything and neither did I. Not that we didn't try.. So we let them do what they wanted..

I don't know why but Aiden made me feel relaxed.. I could tell him everything and I was coming closer to him.. But all I could see was a good friend.. And a month ago I told him about wanting to go on war and become a pilot.. I was expecting him to actually look at me in the eyes and tell me that I was crazy.. That a woman should never wear pants.. But instead when I told him that, he touched my hands, looked at me in the eyes and told me..

"_I find this really nice and new at the same time.. Women pilots? I guess it was about time women to actually have the same chances with men.. __I always believed to having the same rights.." He left me completely speechless.. I didn't know what to answer.. _

"_Really Aiden? So you wouldn't have a problem with me actually going there?"_

"_When this training starting?"_

"_Every day they recruit women.. I tried to tell my parents but they were saying no every time"_

"_I see.. So once we get married you are going to leave.. Right?"_

"_Yes"_

"_I am not going to lie to you Ashley.. I wish that we could have our honey moon and actually have you at home.. But I promised you that I would make you happy every day.. So if that's what makes you happy.."_

"_It is Aiden.. It's so is.. I wanted it since I was sixteen.. It's my dream.."_

"_You know.. I haven't seen you before being so passionate about anything.."_

"_The only problem is my parents.. They don't want me to go.."_

"_Ashley, the day we will get marry it will be only you and me.. Actually, I am already searching a home for us.. No need to stay neither with my parents nor your parents."_

"_So, I can go after we get married?"_

"_Yes, but can I ask at least two weeks with you before you go?"_

"_Of course.. Thanks Aiden.. You don't know what that means to me.."_

I didn't say anything to my parents and there was no need.. I knew what they would say..

Aiden was surprising me every day.. He wasn't like all the other men of his age or any age actually.. He was open minded, he was actually listening to me when I was talking and he cared for me deeply.. Why I couldn't like him though the way he liked me.. It would make things easier..

It was January and the wedding would be in March.. Already you might say.. But I wanted to actually leave my home.. I had the chance to be free with Aiden.. And as the day for the wedding was coming closer all I could think off was the day that I would go for training.. Shouldn't I feel scared about going to a war? Yes and no.. I wanted to help, I wanted to actually do something in my life and not be a lovely wife who bakes and takes good care of everyone..

"Ashley, what do you think of this house?"

"It's nice Aiden.. It's close to the park.. It's big.. Has lots of rooms.. I like it"

"We are going to take it Mrs.. Where do I need to sign?"

"Here sir.."

The house was indeed beautiful.. And the most important far away from my parents.. It had a beautiful view to central park.. I could see myself walking there every day.. While I was looking at the view I felt Aiden's hand on my back..

"What are you thinking?"

"I see myself walking at the park every day.."

"Do you see me with you?"

"Of course.. A lady can not walk by herself.."

"Only for that?" I could feel sometimes he wanted more and I understood it.. I was being selfish.. But he knew I couldn't give more right now.. I was clear from the very first beginning..

"Aiden.."

"It's ok.. At least you see me there with you.."

"Aiden.. I.."

"I am going to talk with the lady.." he kissed my head and left there, looking at the park from our window.. I didn't like what I was doing because Aiden was the best person I ever met but.. There was always a but.. I wish I could love him.. Maybe in time I would..

Next months were crazy.. I had to deal with my mom and my mother in law.. Two rich, snob New York women that they thought they owned the world.. And everything had to be their way.. I just couldn't wait to be on myself..

"Ashley, get ready.. Amanda will be here in a few minutes.. In a week is the wedding.."

"I am ready mother.." I said while I was stepping down the stairs..

"You should have been ready fifteen minutes ago.."

"Mother, I am here and I am ready and Mrs Dennison is not here yet.."

"Watch your tone young lady" I had to think that in a week I wouldn't hear her voice.. I wouldn't have her controlling me..

Mrs Dennison would come from our home just to discuss the last minute wedding things.. Did I care? Not really..

Five minutes later the door knocked and there she was with all her glory.. Amanda Dennison.. A woman in her late thirties, auburn hair, slim, chic.. Like she came out from a Vogue magazine..

"Christine, Ashley.. Hello ladies.."

"Amanda, come, sit right there.." we sat in the living room.. we had already coffee and tea made.. I always loved tea..

"So Ashley.. Are you ready for the wedding?"

"As ready I can be Mrs Dennison.."

"Everything will be ok.."

"I am sure they will.."

"Aiden is really exiting and he speaks the world for you.."

"He is a great man.."

"He is my boy.. So of course he is.."

While they were there talking about anyone and everything I just wanted to scream and tell them that right now people were being killed.. That not everything was shopping, gossip and doing absolutely nothing.. It was like women like my mom and Amanda were living in their own little world.. A world I didn't want to be a member.. But instead I knew that my words would like nothing to them.. It didn't worth the try, and I tried already so many times.. So instead I sat there nodding and listening to what they were saying..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Ashley's POV**

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><p>Dreams.. Dreams are the way for humans to escape.. You just close your eyes and you hope you will be somewhere nice, that the sky is going to be clear. You will hope to see yourself doing something you really love and that you are happy.. Unfortunately though, dreams bring nightmares as well and when something beautiful happens in that dream then in seconds it can be really bad.. From happy you get scared, from smiling you become frightened and you just wish to wake up..<p>

Girls of my age where thinking of marrying since they were little girls.. But here I am today, looking at myself in front of the mirror, wearing my wedding dress and all I can think is pretty much nothing.. And I mean nothing.. I see myself but I believe is someone else and not me.. It's like I am living in a dream and while I am being extremely happy in seconds I become frightened and I just need to wake up.. This is how I feel right now..

"Ashley, come.. It's time.." my mother says but its more like a whisper.. It's like I can't hear her.. She had to come really close to me and actually wake me up from my dream.. I realized that when I saw her in the mirror standing right next to me..

"Yes"

"You are the most beautiful bride.. The Warblers daughter was the worst bride I ever seen.. I guess they wanted a rich wedding just to cover the ugliness of their daughter.."

"Mother, stop.. You shouldn't talk like that"

"You were there.. You saw her.. I can't believe she even found someone to marry her"

"Let's go please.."

The church was packed.. Of course it would be.. Most of the people I knew, some others I didn't.. And it wasn't only people from our part of the family.. Aiden's family name was important as well.. Our wedding would be tomorrow's front page in any newspaper..

Aiden was standing there, smiling when he saw me walking holding my father's arm.. He was handsome and in a way I should be happy because Aiden was my ticket to freedom..

"You are very beautiful Ashley"

"Thank you.. You are beautiful as well"

"Take care of my daughter Aiden.. From today you will be the one who is going to take care of her"

"I will sir.. With all my heart"

"Good"

And with that the ceremony begun.. An hour later I was the wife of Aiden Dennison.. And I already missed being called Ashley Davies.. It felt weird.. Like everything was weird.. The reception was held at the Ritz.. Only the best for our wedding, according to my mom.. I wanted something simple.. If it was in my hands I would find a small church and it would be only me and the person I was marrying..

"Ashley darling.. You look so beautiful tonight.. And lucky you.. Aiden is a catch"

"Thanks Marion"

"If I wasn't married I would definitely try to bring him home with me tonight.." yes, I might didn't love Aiden, but I was married to him right now so actually listening to every woman talk like that for him actually pissed me off

"If you weren't married Marion? Well, even if you weren't, he is.. With me.. So excuse me but I will go to my husband now"

I was fuming.. The nerve some women had.. Women completely sad with their lives.. When I reached Aiden he was talking with some other men.. I didn't know them..

"Hello my beautiful wife.. Gentlemen.. This is my wonderful wife Ashley.. Ashley this is Bert, Alex and George.. We were classmates in Yale.."

"Nice to meet you all.."

"Aiden, you are one very lucky man.. You told us how beautiful she was but actually looking at her.. One word.. WOW" Bert, or I think it was Bert said..

"Guys, she is not only beautiful.. She is clever and she is actually going to become a pilot.. She is going in training in two weeks" Aiden said being all proud but when he did I saw their faces.. They were like _"are you serious? A woman pilot?"_. Instead they didn't say that but actually laughed.. And really hard if I might say..

"Nice one Aiden.. I didn't know you had it in you to actually be that funny"

"Who said I am joking Alex? Ashley is going to become a pilot"

"And you are going to let her? She is your wife, a woman.. And you are letting her go on war?"

"And who are you to actually tell me what I should do or don't? Let's go Ashley.."

Aiden stood by me.. He put his hand on my back like protecting me for these assholes and took me away from their close mind personalities..

"Pay them no mind.. I am proud of you and what you want to do.. And as I said its me and you now.. So don't care about what everyone says.. Ok?"

"Thank you.."

"My pleasure.. What do you say if we went outside? I think its too much for me here.. All these people.."

"You read my mind.."

While sitting with him outside I was thinking that I could actually love Aiden.. I might didn't love him right now but I could see myself loving him.. Because he was a great man and he wasn't like all the others.. Yes, I think I could love him in future..

"As much as I like it out here I think we should go inside.. I am sure they will look for us"

"I don't want to.. I would rather be home and not with all these people.."

"It will be over soon Ash.. You will see" Ash it was something he started calling me two months ago and I kinda liked it..

Once we got inside we were bombardised with questions about me going on war, being a pilot.. Those three had big mouths and I am sure they told their wives and their wives told to other people and go on..

"You just got married and you are going to let her go?"

"Who with your status would accept his wife to be a pilot?"

"A woman going in war? Are you serious?"

These were some of the questions.. They were even worse but I am choosing not to even say the same things they said.. And last but not least our parents.. Yes, so nice.. And they were all four of them together..

"Aiden, how you accept your wife to become a pilot? Did you lose your mind?" Mr Dennison said and he was really pissed..

"Ashley, you couldn't help it.. Didn't you? You had to embarrass your father and me to all these people for something that is insane"

They were all talking at the same time when Aiden yelled for all them to stop..

"Listen to me.. All of you.. With all the respect sir" he said to my father " I married to your daughter today and I gave my promise to you that I will take care of her.. Thank you for raising such a wonderful woman and I consider myself happy to be her husband"

"Father, as I said to Mr. Davies, Ashley and I are a couple and what we are going to do is our problem and not yours.. I am very proud of her for what she wants and I am going to help her to do so.."

"Be a man to your wife.. No son of mine would let his wife to do such a thing" I couldn't stay right there and listen to them talking about me like I was nothing.. I was a person.. I wasn't a thing.. And I think it was about time for me to say something..

"I am sorry sir but I am here.. You are talking to me like I am invisible.. I don't know why you think that a woman can not do that.. And actually it's your country and my country that actually recruits women.. So I guess world is changing and it would be the right time to start changing as well.."

"If you were man enough you would tell your wife what her right place is.."

"Father, with all the respect she is my wife and that's her right place.."

"If you let her go there and disgrace our family I will disown you.."

"Then you should because she will go and I will be very proud to take her to her training.."

"You.. You.." he looked at me in the eyes and I thought he would do something bad to tell you the truth..

"Now if you excuse us.. Since this is our wedding we are going to our home.. I hope you won't regret your decision, _father._."

I couldn't believe in my eyes or ears.. Aiden actually took my side and he confronted not only my father but his father as well.. And that man disowned him because of me..

"I wanted to tell him to fuck off as well but I decided that wasn't the right thing to do since our mothers and you were there.."

"Aiden, did you realize what just happened?"

"Yes, I did.."

"I didn't want to be the reason for your father disowning you.."

"I am going to tell you something.. Me and my father never got along.. He is a prick and I am wondering why my mother married him.. If it wasn't for her he would be nothing.. And she loves him.. So pretty much now I am free as well.. You and me.."

All these months I never kissed him.. He would give me a kiss on my chick and I would do the same.. So without thinking I gave him a kiss on his lips.. And it was my first kiss to a man.. I was glad that it was Aiden.. And the thoughts I had this morning about him and our marriage, after tonight, they were starting to vanish..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys.. Just wanted to thank you for all your lovely reviews and for giving a try to this story of mine as well..  
><strong>

**Chapter 5**

**Ashley's POV**

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><p>Sometimes you think you know someone but at the end they prove you wrong.. Like for an example my parents.. You can't image that your own parents would ever treat you like you are nothing.. But yet they did.. And when you think you don't know someone enough they prove you wrong again.. Like Aiden.. I thought that I wouldn't like him, I thought I didn't know him, but with his patience, the way he cared for me and the way he was taking my side made him now my family.. And being his wife didn't seem wrong any more..<p>

After his father disowning him I thought he would be devastated.. Aiden was used to have everything, like me.. But the good thing is that he had his job.. And his job was paying him good money.. That's why we didn't need anyone.. Not his parents not mine either.. From the other hand though my mother tried to come in contact with me.. Of course she was losing her doll.. She wouldn't have anyone to order any more.. But I didn't want anything to do with them anymore.. In two weeks my dream would come true and that thanks to Aiden..

Aiden was amazing.. He was waking up early in the morning to make us breakfast even if he had to be at his office at 8am.. He would have everything prepared and he would bring breakfast in bed.. We would sat there together for a couple of minutes and then he would kiss me softly on my lips, he would caress my face and he would leave.. My day at the house was simple.. We had people to help but only to help, not to serve.. I wanted to do some things on my own.. Rwanda, our cook, was teaching me the beauty of cooking..

Rwanda was a wonderful person.. She was a black lady in her forties.. When Aiden brought her home she was scared and I can imagine why.. I am sure that the people she worked for before didn't treat her the right way.. So once I saw her, I went close and hugged her and told her that our place was her place as well.. I wanted her to feel like she was a part of our family.. She was surprised at first but then day by day she became a member of our family..

"Mrs Ashley.. Today we are going to cook a food we were making down in the south"

"Is it difficult Rwanda?"

"No it is not.. You will see.."

"And what are we making?"

"Country fried steak"

"And that is easy Rwanda?" I said while laughing..

"Mrs Ashley I have faith in you.. I know you can do it and I am sure you will do great.. You are a person who was born to do great things.."

"Really? How do you know?" she looked at me with her dark brown eyes straight to mine and cupped my face.. In twenty one years my mother never touched me but yet when Rwanda did I felt the warmth, the love that i was missing..

"I can see it in your face Mrs Ashley.. You are a wonderful person.. I am thankful working for you.."

"Rwanda you are not working for us.. I don't want you to think us like your bosses but like your family.. Ok?"

I saw a tear falling and I couldn't help but come close to that woman and hug her..

"You are so different Mrs Ashley from anyone I know.." I never asked her for her previous bosses and I don't know if it was the right thing to do.. The important thing was that she was with us now so I tried to keep my tears and promised to myself not to let anything happen to her..

"So what do you say? Cook this 'easy' food for Aiden?"

"Yes.. Let's start.."

And as always Aiden was home at 3pm as every day.. He would take off his hat and coat and leave them to the hanger and then he would come in the kitchen say hello to Rwanda and kiss me on my lips..

"Hello ladies.. How was your day today?"

"We cooked country fried steak"

"We, as Rwanda did, we?"

"No, Mr Aiden.. Actually Mrs Ashley did today.. I was telling her what to do.."

"Mmm.. that's interesting.. Are you sure Rwanda? I am not going to die or anything. Right?"

"You are being silly.. If you continue like that you won't eat anything Aiden.. So be careful.."

"Yes, my lovely wife.. I promise to eat and not say a word about your cooking. So lets eat because I am hungry"

One week came by so fast that I didn't realize how fast.. And then the second.. And like that the two weeks Aiden asked me to stay home were over.. I am not going to lie.. I considered myself staying because I didn't want to leave him behind but yet I wanted to follow my dream..

In those two weeks Aiden and I weren't intimate.. He didn't initiate it and never pressured me about anything.. I was wondering how I got lucky with this man.. Indeed he wasn't like the others..

"So are you ready for tomorrow Ash?"

"I guess I am.. I wanted it for so long Aiden"

"Just promise me that you are going to come back to me. Ok?"

"I can't make that promise Aiden because I don't know what is going to happen.. It's a war after all.. But I can promise to be very careful so I can come back to you.."

"That's better.."

"Now hold me and lets get back to sleep.." I turned my head and kissed him on his lips.. It was a long tender kiss.. It was like I was kissing him for the last time because from tomorrow everything would change.. I didn't know if I would come back.. But as I promised him I would try my best..

Next morning Aiden as always woke up but this time he was up earlier than usual.. I remember waking up at 5am and he wasn't sleeping right next to me.. Instead I saw him sitting next to the window looking outside.. I got up and went next to him..

"What is it?"

"I am thinking that you are a brave woman.. And instead of me actually going on war to help I am here and you are going.. It should be me Ash.. Not you.. I am afraid for you.." I turned his head so he could look at me and once I had his full attention I continued..

"Aiden, listen to me.. This, where I am going to and what I am going to do it was something I wanted for a long time now.. It doesn't make you less than a man that you are not out there fighting like all the others.. Ok? You are a good man Aiden.. If you weren't I wouldn't be here.. And you may not going on war but you can still do great things here.. Ok?"

He sat quiet for a moment and then stood up took me in his arms and kissed me..

"You know that this place it won't be the same without you.."

"You will write to me. Right?"

"A letter every day.."

"I told Rwanda to take good care of you.. Aiden.. Can I ask you something?"

"Tell me.."

"I want you to try to bring Rwanda's son here with us.. He is only eight years old and he is her youngest.. Her daughter died.. She never said anything to me but I know she would like that.."

"I will try my best.. She is family after all.. Right?"

"Yes she is.. So take good care of her too.."

"Promise"

We went back to bed till it was time for us to wake up again.. None of us slept though.. We were just holding each other..

When it was 8am I took my things that I had packed from yesterday night and said my goodbye to Rwanda.. I hugged her and held tight to my arms as she did the same..

"Take good care of Aiden for me. Ok?"

"I promise I will Mrs Ashley.. Please take good care of yourself and be very careful.. Come back to us soon.." she said and kissed my cheeks as I did the same.. I took her hand and put it on my face.. I just wanted to feel her warmth again.. And right then I burst into tears and she did the same.. "You are like a daughter to me Mrs Ashley.. So please be careful.."

"I will.. See you soon.. Aiden? I think its time for us to go"

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Ashley's POV**

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><p>The ride to the military base was quiet..<p>

Something my parents didn't know is that I had already applied for the Women Air force Service Pilots a long time ago.. The soon I heard about that our country was recruiting women for air force.. And two months after I did I got a reply that I was accepted.. And then is when everything happened.. That is when I told my mom that I was ready to marry Aiden.. I didn't expect her to let me go easily and surely I didn't expect her to trick me the way she did.. I wasn't sure what Aiden's decision would be though but I was sure that I could persuade him.. Did I take advantage of the fact he cared so much for me? Maybe I did.. But to my defense in my mind Aiden was an enemy as well.. Little did I know that Aiden would be my ally and one of the best people I ever met..

"It's hard to say goodbye" Aiden said while still holding the steering..

"Then we don't have to say goodbye.. Let's just say we will see each other soon"

"Promise?"

"Promise"

"Be careful. Ok?"

"I will.. Don't forget to write me.. Once we settle down I will tell you where to send the letters"

We hugged and gave each other one last kiss.. I took my belongings that weren't too many and walked to the gate were soldiers were checking our papers.. I looked back one more time before I get inside and I waved Aiden goodbye..

"Name?"

"Ashley Dennison"

"Your papers say Ashley Davies"

"I got married two weeks ago.. My husband is outside there.. I can ask him to come and confirm.. Also I have the wedding papers.." I was rumbling because I was scared that they wouldn't let me.. I was scared that this was it.. My dream was till this gate and that was it.. I would be back to being a wife..

"Go through Gate A.. Here is your papers.."

When I heard him telling me that I could go I think I was feeling alive again.. It was such a relief.. One last time I looked outside to see if Aiden was still waiting but he was already gone.. Maybe it was for the best.. Right here I wasn't the Ashley everyone knew. My parents, my friends.. Here I was the Ashley I was supposed to be.. And this was my chance to do my best..

Once we were all there they separated us into nineteen groups.. I was in the group of Guinea Pigs. We started training at Houston Municipal Airport and our training would last thirty days.. Yes, we were required to complete the same primary, basic and advanced training courses as male Army Air Cops pilots.. And it wasn't easy..

Women from nature are competitive and I realized that when I had to train with these women.. Some of them were masculine and me, a woman of 5.2 foot high couldn't compare to them.. I told myself though to push harder.. I wanted this as much they wanted it, if not I wanted even more.. And the up class girl I was raised to be was no more there.. I fought hard and I managed to stay.. From the two thousand girls who got accepted only one thousand of us managed to stay.. Twenty three girls from Houston's first class graduated and I was one of them.. Yes.. One of those one thousand who managed to stay.. At the end, when you want something really bad, you have to try, to be patient and your dream will come true like mine..

"Davies.. We did it.. We are ready to fly.."

"Yes we did Sharlot.. Yes we did.."

I was known as Ashley Davies the hawk.. In papers I was Ashley Davies and they kept calling my name like this.. I had to say it never felt better.. My nick name was hawk because like the hawk I could see things from afar.. I could sense when there was trouble.. Like I was made to become a pilot.. At the beginning I didn't have friends, not that I can say I have now.. Except Sharlot.. But the others learned to respect me.. The first time some of those women saw me they were making fun of me.. Where I was going with my cute dress, and my lipstick and my make up.. But soon enough I proved them wrong..

"Tomorrow we go on battle.. Do you know where they are going to send us?"

"I don't know Sharlot.. I don't know.. But we trained for this day.. Ok? So today we can rest.. Tomorrow is a mystery.."

"You have your way with saying things Ashley Hawk Davies.."

"Yes I do Sharlot Gravianni.."

Once I was back to our dormitories I laid on my back and looked at my wings.. Yes, my wings.. It felt weird but yet so wonderful that now my dream was true.. I was so ready to fly tomorrow to anywhere I was needed..

"Davies, Gravianni, Fernades, Watson" You are going to Englad..

And like that my first day as a pilot would start.. I did my prayer and started to preparing my plane.. Was I nervous? Yes and no.. But more I was exited..

"Ashley, we are going to fly together.. You and me.."

"Yes, Sharlot.. You and me.. But be careful at there.. Ok? It's not training anymore and I can't keep my eyes on you all the time.."

"You won't have to silly.. I am going to prepare my plane"

We were flying wherever we were needed.. My first mission was England.. After that was France.. After that Russia.. Wherever we were needed we were flying.. Our basic station though was England.. As I promised to Aiden once we were settle down I would send him a letter.. And as he promised he was sending me a letter every day..

'_My dearest,_

_Every day I miss you more and more.. Every day I am wondering if you are safe out there and if you are being strong.. I know you are.. You are a very strong woman Ashley and that was what made me fall in love with you.. Your strength, and how you knew what you wanted.. It's one of your best qualities.. _

_Today is Friday the 16__th__.. It's already six months after we got married.. How fast time flies.. It's like it was yesterday.. I got surprised today when I got your letter wishing us happy anniversary.. I thought you wouldn't remember.. Be safe and come home soon.. I miss you deeply.. Hope you are missing me a little bit too.._

_Also I wanted you to know that I am trying my best to bring Rwanda's son back.. It's not very easy let me tell you but I know some people and hopefully by the end of this month everything is going to get better.._

_Know that I love you.. I wish you were here so I could actually say it while looking at your eyes.. Till tomorrow that I am going to send another letter to you.. Be safe.._

_Yours,_

_Aiden'_

Did I miss Aiden? I did.. Did I love him as he did? I don't think I did.. I loved him but I couldn't feel the same.. And I still couldn't understand why..

The last four months were like hell burst on the skies.. It was bad.. I knew where I was coming.. I knew what I expected.. But I didn't expect to see people dying infront of me.. I didn't expect boys only being nineteen having no hands, their faces blown up.. It was a mess.. I didn't want to cry infront of others so I was trying to find places were I could be all alone.. Sometimes I wanted to go back but my will to stay and help was keeping me still here..

"Davies, Gravianni.. Prepare your planes.. You need to go back in England.."

I didn't expect Sharlot to be that strong and to survive all these months.. But she did.. She proved me wrong and I was glad that she did because she was a friend and I didn't want to see anything happen to her..

"You and me Hawk.. As always.."

"You and me.. Now let's go"

The Germans and the Italians were close to England and the combat was bad.. While we were flying their planes already were fighting with the allies.. Our air forces together with the French and the Russian were trying to protect the base.. The sky was red and you couldn't see the sun any more because of the missiles.. Sharlot was trying to hold her plane but right then and there, out of nowhere, before I can even say her name they blew her plane.. Right infront of me..

"Noooooooo"

We didn't have the right to go into combat.. Our basic mission was to relieve male pilots for combat duty and services.. So basically we couldn't help ourselves.. And like that we were sent to die.. And Sharlot was one of the women pilots who got killed in duty..

And before I even have the chance to mourn for my friend I got hit as well.. I saw the fire from the engines and I tried really hard to keep my plane steady but it was hard.. I couldn't control the plane.. At that moment, at that right moment in my mind came Aiden.. I didn't send him a letter today because we were being called to go in England.. He wouldn't know.. He would wait for my letter.. A letter that would never get.. And while I was trying to safe myself from crash I went back to memory lane.. I saw myself young, free, when everything seemed perfect.. I even saw my parents.. With that last memory I hit the ground.. I felt my bones crash.. My head hitting the console.. Till the last moment I was trying to steady my plane.. And I did.. I tried to open my eyes.. To see where I was.. But I couldn't.. My sight was blurry and my head hurt.. I closed my eyes and hoped that someone would find me.. Because I was still alive.. I was still here..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**Ashley's POV**

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><p>I remember Sharlot's plane crash.. I remember the sky being black.. I remember everything before but I can't seem to remember anything after all this..<p>

I could feel my body hurt, I couldn't open my eyes but I could hear people talking.. And they were talking all languages.. I could understand my language, French, Russian.. Where was I?

After my plane crashed I was hoping for someone to find me.. I was hoping for my plane not to blow up and me being inside.. I was praying for my life.. I was crying for Sharlot.. Every time I was trying to move it hurt and I couldn't move.. I was thinking to myself.. 'This was it? That was how my life would end?' But when no one was coming I started losing hope.. The sad part was that I was still conscious.. I was still alive and as the hours were passing I was thinking that I would die here.. In a foreign country, alone.. So like that I closed my eyes and I can't remember anything after that..

I remember when I gained back my senses.. Maybe I was in heaven? But in heaven were they talking so many languages? It reminded me of Babylon and that part from Genesis 11:1-9 who describes the building of the city and its famous tower _'whose top may reach unto heaven'_.. And because of that God punished them for their arrogance by creating a confusion of different languages.. That's how it felt here.. Like Babylon.. Too many languages that was making my head hurt even more.. I could only separate one voice, one language.. A voice I was listening to every day since the day I woke up..

'_Marie.. __Je serai de retour__. __Vérifiez__le soldat __ici' (i will be back. Check the soldier there )_

It was a sweet voice that I could easily separate from all the others.. From all this chaos that I was and where it was I didn't know.. And that voice was by my side every day..

'_Je ne sais pas__si vous êtes__ américain, je__ ne sais pas si__vous êtes Français et __je parle ici__en français sans __savoir si__ vous êtes français__..' (i dont know if you are american, i dont know if you are french and here i am talking french without knowing if you are french)_

I wanted to smile with her rambling because it was cute..

Every morning and every night that girl would come by my side and take care of me.. Her touches were soft and I could understand that she knew what she was doing.. I wanted to open my eyes, tell her that I am thankful for what she was doing but I still couldn't.. It was like my brain couldn't cooperate with my body.. She was taking care of my wound on my hand when someone called her name and for the first time I heard her speaking English..

"Spencer, we need you here.. He is bleeding.."

"I am coming"

Next days found us at the same spot.. She would talk to me in French and I would smile from the inside..

During one day I managed to open my eyes after so long.. I tried to see where I was and what I saw frighten me.. I was laying on a bed in a hospital.. Soldiers were laying on the beds, others with bandages on their heads, other with curtains hiding them from us.. I believed that these ones were the ones that were bad..

Right next to me were a boy I think he was close to my age or a little bit younger.. He had lost his leg and his face had scars.. From my other side it was a man round his thirties with bandages all over his body.. And the bandages were soaked in blood.. When I turned my face a girl came and saw what I saw seconds ago.. The man I guessed was already dead..

"Go find Spencer.. I think he is dead" the girl said and after minutes Spencer, the French talker nurse who was taking care of me came to the bed right next to mine.. All this time I was looking at her trying to see if this man was still alive.. Her hands were covered from his blood..

"He is dead.. Ask for George to come and get him.."

She stood there for some minutes and I think I heard her crying.. All these days I was trying to find my voice back.. It was a whisper at first but every night I was saying a prayer and every night it would get louder and louder.. Till I had my voice back..

"You couldn't do anything else about him.. It was his time to go.. Maybe it's for the best"

She turned her face and looked at me.. All this time I didn't know how she looked like.. For the first time I saw her.. She had long blond hair in a ponytail and her eyes were icy blue..

"You speak English? Are you English?"

"I am American actually"

"Do you know where you are?"

"I guess a hospital?"

"It's a hospital in France.. You were unconscious for a month now. When did you wake up?" she came right next to me and took off the gloves she was wearing, washed her hands to a bowl of water that was next to me and checked my vitals..

"I woke up a couple of days ago I guess.. But I couldn't speak and I couldn't move.. I still can't move actually"

"That's because you have your legs broken.. How about your hands? Can you move them?" I tried to move my hands for her to see.. I could..

"Can you turn your back for me please?" I turned and she lifted my shirt.. She put something like a pin on my back..

"Aouts.. That hurt"

"Thank God.."

"What?"

"You are not paralyzed"

"Thank God indeed"

"Do you remember anything?" and she checked my eyes to see if I could respond well to the light..

"I remember our planes being crashed while we were flying.. Sharlot is dead.."

"Who is Sharlot?"

"My friend.. A pilot as well"

"You are a pilot?"

"Yes I am.."

"Do you remember your name?"

"It's Ashley.. Ashley Davies"

"Well Ashley Davies.. It's good you are alive.. I am Spencer.. Spencer Carlin"

I was broken, literally.. Two broken legs and a concussion that left me unconscious for a month.. I guess that was a good thing thinking that I crashed with my plane.. But who found me and brought me here and when..

I didn't see Spencer that day again till it was late at night.. Everyone was calling her name and he knew everyone by their name.. She was amazing with what she was doing.. I don't think I would ever be a nurse.. I am afraid so much of blood..

"Hello pilot" she said and checked again my eyes and put her hand on my forehead to see if I had a fever or not.. "Does your head hurt?"

"Every now and then"

"Meaning.."

"Three, four times a day I guess.."

"Ashley, this is important. I want you to tell me how many times your head hurts and how major the pain is.."

"When I open my eyes in the morning the pain is really bad.. During the day it goes away but I still feel it.. It's like a migraine.. Now I don't hurt"

"I see.. Do you hurt anywhere else?"

"Well I can't feel my legs, my back hurts and you already know about my head"

"I will be back"

After a couple of minutes she was back with a guy who seemed that he hadn't slept for months.. His white robe was covered with blood and I guessed that was my doctor..

"Albert, this is the girl I told you about.. Her name is Ashley Davies.. She has major pains on her head, she has two broken legs and her back hurts"

"Hello Ms Davies.. It's good to have you back.. Doctor Carlin informed me about your condition.. Well, your plane crashed and you were found bleeding inside your plane.. They brought you here immediately"

"Who found me?"

"They were French soldiers.. You are in France"

"Yeah, I know that.. We were flying to England when they took our plane down"

"It's a good thing that they found you soon.. As for your headaches I am going to give you two pills to take every morning and every night and soon enough you will be able to walk again.. Tomorrow we are going to change your casts.. Doctor Carlin was checking your condition the whole month so I am going to let you in her hands now.."

"Thank you doctor"

When the doctor went back to his other patients I was left with the other doctor.. Spencer.. How old was she to be a doctor?

"So I think its time to take your night pill" she gave me a glass of water and the pill the doctor gave me minutes before..

"You are a doctor? Seriously? I thought you were a nurse"

"Why? I don't look like a doctor?"

"You are but you are so young.. How old are you? Nineteen?" when I said that she smiled and I really have to admit that her smile brighten the place..

"I am not nineteen if you want to know.. I am twenty five.. Graduated the first from my class.. But thanks for the compliment.. You don't look bad yourself eitherl.. Even with broken legs"

"Funny.. Ha ha.. But wow.. Twenty five, a doctor and what are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here?"

"Following my dream and I wanted to help"

"And what your dream might be?"

"I always wanted to be a pilot.. So when the states said they were recruiting I applied and I got accepted"

"Well, my dream is already fulfilled so I am here to help as much as I can. Where are you from?"

"New York. And where are you from? You speak French really good and obviously English.. So.."

"I am American as well.. Born and raised in California.. I speak three languages really.. And how you know I speak French?"

"Because I heard you when you were talking to me.." she stayed silent for a moment and then smiled again.. I was getting used to that smile..

Although she had to go and check her other patients she would come back and talk to me.. I liked that.. And as far as I could see I was the only woman here.. I hoped there weren't other women pilots hurt or dead.. I hoped that no one would be hurt or dead.. All this was a madness.. And my escape from the madness was that girl with the beautiful smile.. Spencer..

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><p><strong>AN Forgive my French.. I don't speak the language.. It's all google's translator fault if i have mistakes..**

**Also i am leaving for vacations and i wont be able to update for some days.. But for now you are good.. I already wrote some chapters..  
><strong>

**TBC**

**Reviews are always welcome**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Ashley's POV**

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><p>« Salut Ashley, comment allez-vous aujourd'hui? » <em>(hello Ashley. How are you today ? »<em>

« Je suis bien. Encore des douleurs Marie, mais je suis vivant, droite? » _(i am well.. Still having pain Marie but i am alive right ? »_

« Oui vous êtes » (_yes you are)_

Marie was a French nurse but pretty much she was doing everything here.. She was in her late twenties, short brown hair and slim.. Like all French women were.. Her having short hair surprised me.. No woman in the states had short hair but I suppose French were always ahead from us.. As for me I was getting better.. I still had pain on my head and my legs were doing better.. At least I could move my toes.. That was something..

While I was laying here on my bed thinking about everything and nothing I saw everyone running up and down.. They brought at the hospital at least thirty men that were bleeding from head to toe.. What happened? Were we in danger? I didn't hear anything last night or this morning..

The boy that was next to me was sent to go home two days ago and the man that was next to me when I opened my eyes was already dead.. Every night I was praying not to bring any other man next to me.. I was praying for this war to end.. But after today I am sure that no one could hear my prayers..

"Put him right there.. Now" Spencer was screaming to a soldier and after so many days it's the first time I saw her like that.. "Slowly.. His leg is hanging. Be careful"

"Aaaaaaahhh.. It hurts.. God.. Just kill me now.. Please"

"No I am not going to kill you.. Now please.. Let us help you.."

"God it hurts"

They put the soldier almost next to me.. I couldn't bear to hear him being in so much pain.. It was like I could feel his pain as well.. I wish I could help..

"Spencer.. Spencer what happened?"

"Not now Ashley" she gave me a look and pulled the curtains.. I didn't say anything else.. I couldn't.. Instead I sat right there and waited.. I was watching pretty much every doctor in the hospital pulling the curtains.. What on earth happened out there?

I wanted to get up.. It was starting to pissing me off the fact that I had two broken legs and I couldn't walk, I couldn't do anything.. I had a wheel chair that they brought for me the previous day.. So I tried to move from the bed to sit on the wheel chair.. Only that my body was still numb because I was laying for a month and the soon I tried it I fell on the floor.. The pain was out of this world and everyone was running so no one could see me laying down.. I didn't want to yell.. I wanted to try from my own.. They had other people to take care off and I only had broken legs.. I wasn't that important..

"Oh my God Ashley.." Spencer said while trying to lift me up from the floor.. "I can't worry about you and stubbornness when I have to do surgeries on hospital beds. What on earth you were trying to do?"

"I just wanted to sit on the wheel chair.. That's all"

"You can't by yourself. You need someone to help you"

"Everyone had more important things to do.."

"Please don't do it again. Ok?" she helped me sit back to my bed and whipped the sweat from my forehead.. I didn't know it would be that difficult..

"You are getting better day after day.. Try not to break yourself again.."

"I am going to try.."

"I am going to check my patients.. I will be back.. You stay where you are. I mean it"

"Yes ma'am" I said while saluting her like she was the general.. She looked at me and she just shook her head..

When I saw a nurse I asked her if she could find a paper and a pen for me.. I wanted to write back to Aiden.. Tell him that I was alive.. I am sure he would already contacted the air force to find out.. But I wanted to write to him.. Tell him everything.. I didn't know if she could find what I asked for but I was glad when she got back and gave them to me.. That's when I started writing..

'_Dear Aiden,_

_First I want you to know that I am alive.. I am sorry for not being able to write you back but considering my condition I couldn't.. My plane crashed and I am in a hospital in France.. Don't worry though.. I am ok.. In a few days I am going to be as good as new.. Just two broken legs.. I promised you after all and as you can see I am trying to keep that promise.. I hope that everyone is good and that Rwanda is taking care of you.._

_I don't know how long they are going to keep me here but when I am going to be able to walk I am going to go out there again.. I gave an oath to protect and serve my country and that's what I am going to do.. Forgive me please.. Till this war is over I can't come back.. Hope you won't forget my face.. I am going to write you again.._

_Till then,_

_Love Ashley'_

When I was closing the letter Spencer came and caught me of guard..

"Are you writing to your family, husband?"

"Yes. Ehm, family"

"I am sure they are worried"

"Yes, I am sure they are"

I don't know what got me and didn't tell her that I was indeed writing to my husband.. But Aiden was family right?

"Want me to post it?"

"No, its ok.. I need to write some more things"

"Ok.."

"_Spencer.. Come here please.."_

"Duty call.. I'll be back"

I watched her leaving and I thought to myself what was it with that girl and why for once I felt alive while being around her.. Alive like someone would make you feel.. I wanted to have her around all the time, talking to her.. She was calming me like no other person did.. And the big question was why I didn't tell her I was married?

And as always round 12.30am she came and sat next to me as she did every night.. I am not sure she was doing the same with her other patients.. Not that I was complaining though..

"I thought this day would never end.." she said and let her beautiful blond hair down from the ponytail she had them on...

"What happened today?"

"The Germans through a bomb to our trenches.."

"That's why everyone was like that"

"Yes"

"Did anyone survived?"

"Few. Some of them were really bad and we couldn't save them all.. I couldn't save them.." After the first day I saw her and heard her crying today I saw her crying again.. And this time I could dry her tears.. The moment I touched her it felt weird.. Like something came through me.. Like electricity.. And she looked at me like she knew what I felt seconds ago.. We didn't say anything till she was the first to talk.. "I guess I can't save them all.."

"Unfortunately you can't Spencer.. But you can do your best and I am sure you already doing it"

"Thanks.."

"I think your patients are going to get jealous.. You are spending more time with me.."

"Mmm.. Maybe because you are my favorite.. Now try to sleep.. It's already late.. Here, take your pill"

"Thanks"

She got up and while she was walking away from me she stopped and looked at me..

"Goodnight and sweet dreams Ashley"

Why my heart was beating so fast..?

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**Spencer's POV**

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><p>1941.. The year that changed everything for me.. The year that we had to go on war.. United States were on war before and one of them was a civil one.. But this one was different.. It was global.. It wasn't only our country.. It was the French, Italians, Germans, Chinese, Japanese.. Everyone was out there fighting..<p>

I always wanted to be able to help. To give.. To save lives.. That's why I became a doctor.. It was something I wanted since I was six years old.. But in order for me to achieve that I had to study hard and prove the future male doctors that a woman could do anything.. And I did.. I was the first who graduated from my class and a lot of my guy friends were still there..

My life as a child was good.. I don't have any complaints.. My parents had money so pretty much I could go to the best schools.. I had a huge house, a car, everything that someone needed it.. But to me it meant nothing.. Most of the times I would give my clothes to people who needed them.. I would drive with my car in downtown and give food to people who were starving.. I would volunteer where I was needed.. But i was doing it behind my parents back.. Especially my father's.. He didn't want his precious daughter to hang around these kind of people.. My mom was good.. She was trying to build a bridge between me and my father.. After so many years and she was still trying..

Let me get it straight.. Arthur and Paula Carlin are good people.. I am glad to have them as my parents.. Its just that my father is uptight.. Sometimes I understand his background and the fact that his father were the same.. Sometimes though I believe that we form our own character.. And he chose to become my grandparent.. That didn't mean though that he loved me less.. I knew he loved me, its just that he had a different kind of approach and we were the complete opposites..

I remember the day I told them that I would leave and go on war as a doctor.. He looked at me and he just said no.. Just a simple no.. But being the person I was and him being the person that he was, well you can imagine what happened.. We were yelling at each other.. I was telling him that I wasn't a child for him to talk to me like that. That he had no right to tell me no when I was already old enough to take decisions of my own.. So like that I packed my things and left.. My mom was crying and she was begging me not to go.. In a moment I considered that, only for her but it was a decision I had already made.. I told her that I would write to her and that everything would be ok..

That night I left my house.. At least I knew where I would stay..

I took the bus instead of my car and went to Alex's house.. That would be my girlfriend's house..

"Hey.. What are you doing here?" she said and kissed me once I was inside.. Alex lost her mother a year ago and now she was living alone.. We met the last year before my graduation and since then we were together.. Her living alone made things easier to meet..

"I left my house.."

"Why?"

"Can we sit first?"

I didn't tell her either that I was planning to leave.. No one knew.. I just hoped that she would take it better than my parents..

Alex was my first girlfriend but not the first girl I kissed.. I knew who I liked a long time ago.. Maybe even when I was fourteen.. I always liked girls.. Boys didn't do anything to me.. But I have to say that I kissed boys as well.. It's just that with girls it was easier, it was softer.. It was more unique in a way..

"So are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

"What do you say if we have a glass of wine first?"

"Spencer.."

"Please.. Wine is needed.."

"You are scaring me.. Did you tell them about us?"

"Pour us some wine and I will tell you everything"

Once she came back she sat right next to me and for once I couldn't find the words.. The year we were together was the most beautiful I ever had.. We shared the same thoughts and generally she was an amazing person.. Unfortunately we couldn't be together like all the other couples but at the end of the day I had her all mine..

"Alex.. I don't know how you are going to feel about what I am going to say"

"You are breaking up with me.."

"No, of course not.. It's not that.."

"Then what is it Spencer?"

"I am going to go on war.. I already contacted with the red cross and I am going in France.. I leave in two days" she stayed quiet looking at me like she didn't know me.. "Say something, please"

"What do you want me to say? Go and have fun? This is a war we are talking about.. You are a woman.. How are you going to go there?"

"Like all the other women that are there right now and helping our soldiers.."

"How could you not say anything to me? You kept this from me Spencer.. How could you?"

"I don't know what to say.."

"That's good. Because I don't know what to say either"

And like that she left me all there thinking that I should have said something to her.. She was right.. When I went upstairs to find her I heard her crying and that broke my heart.. I didn't want her to cry because of me.. It wasn't my intention.. I laid right next to her and held her in my arms.. And when I did she held me closer to her.. If I was in her place probably I would react the same..

"I really don't know what to say Spence"

"Don't say anything.. Let's just lay here in each other arms.. Ok?"

I realized that my decisions were hurting the people around me.. But I couldn't always do what the others wanted.. Since I could help I would.. Even if I was hurting them..

The day that I was ready to leave Alex was better but I could see that she was struggling with her feelings..

"What is going to happen between us?"

"Would it be too much for me if I was asking you to be with me? I don't want us to break up Alex"

"Neither do I.."

"So will you wait for me?"

"Yes. Just please be careful.."

"I will.. I am just a doctor.. The real heroes are the one who are fighting out there"

"You are my hero and I want you to be very careful" I leaned close and cupped her face giving a long tender kiss on her lips..

"Don't forget all about me.."

"It's hard to.."

"Goodbye"

That was two years ago.. After eight months of being here I received a letter from Alex telling me that she met someone else and she was sorry.. She couldn't wait for me after all.. I am not going to say that it didn't hurt.. It hurt a lot.. But I was in a place that people were hurting more.. And inside I knew that my relationship with Alex wouldn't last.. I saw it in her eyes that day when I told her that I was leaving.. Only few people could wait for their other halves to return.. And Alex was surely not one of them..

So these two years that I was here I gave all my energy and heart to save as many people I could.. It was hard.. And sometimes I just wanted everything to stop.. But I met good people that were indeed heroes..

And a month ago they brought here a girl.. A girl with no identity.. It was the first girl who was brought in our hospital and that was new.. A girl on war? Maybe she was someone that was walking and she got hit.. Who knows..

I was the one who took care of her wounds.. Two broken legs and a concussion that was severe and left her unconscious.. She had cuts on her hands and I was wondering what happened to that girl..

Since she was the only girl she was kind of special.. I would go by her bed every night to check on her and speak to her.. Only that I didn't know what language to speak so every time I would choose French.. Don't know why but French was coming into my mind when I was looking at her.. Even with cuts on her face she was beautiful and although I did have some flings here with some nurses this girl was taking all my attention even if I didn't know how her voice sounded.. Till the day she actually spoke to me and caught me of guard.. And she talked to me in English.. What a surprise.. And her voice was angelic..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**

**A/N Hey guys.. Today i am leaving for my vacations.. I already written the next two chapters so ill update them from my phone..  
><strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**Ashley's POV**

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><p>What is the most beautiful thing you ever seen? Is it a memory from where you were a child? Mine its not.. The most beautiful thing I ever seen was one day when Spencer I shared a special moment while looking at the beauty of dawn.. You are going to say 'have you not seen the dawn before?'. Actually I never did.. But sharing this with Spencer made it more special..<p>

It was another crazy day at the hospital where everyone was running.. At least that day no one died.. I remember Spencer telling me that if it was in her hand no one would die.. She was an amazing doctor and considering she was young that was even better..

I was starting to get well.. Still I couldn't walk but the casts were already gone.. I had to use the wheel chair to move around and I didn't want anyone to help me.. Even if Spencer insisted that I still needed help.. I was stubborn I know..

Spencer and I were spending a lot of time together.. Well, her free time, because she was always around doing her visits..

You meet someone out of nowhere and immediately you know if you will be friends with them.. Past life maybe? Who believe this stuff.. But the truth is that some people make you feel something and that person for me was Spencer.. I don't know why or how but it was like we knew each other from before.. And I believe she was feeling the same..

"Day dreaming again Ashley?"

"What else can I do here funny girl?"

"That's true.. Well, I am free right now.. What do you think if I helped you get up and maybe do some exercises.."

"I say… mmm.. lets do it.."

"That's the spirit"

That's what I mean.. Easy..

"You are laying into that bed for quite some time now.. I think its time to use your legs Ashley"

"Don't you think that I already tried Spencer? I move my legs but its not easy.."

"You don't seem to me as weak.. So I want you to try harder.."

"You are a push over.."

"Mmm.. I think that was uncalled for.. I am just a doctor.."

"Yeah yeah.. whatever"

"Now hold my hands and lets do your first steps.."

It was the most difficult thing I had to do.. I didn't stand on my legs for two whole months now but I had Spencer's help and I was stubborn.. That wasn't new though..

"That's my girl.. Come on.. you can do it"

"Your girl?" I was surprised with the use of word she chose.. She called me her girl?

"That's an expression.. Now come on.. Another step and I think we are good for the day" once I did the ten steps Spencer said I had to I was exhausted.. But I did those steps and I have to say that it didn't feel better..

"See? You did it.."

"I did.. Now can I sit again? My whole body hurts.."

"Yes you can.. I am allowing you to sit"

"Thank you so so much Ms Carlin.. That is so nice of you"

"Sarcasm looks good on you.. Just for your information"

"But I wasn't.. I was completely, entirely thanking you for being so kind to allow me to sit.."

"Sarcasm.. Continue though.. I am enjoying it.."

"_Spencer.."_

"Unfortunately you won't.. Duty call my friend"

"That's my life.. See you later Ashley"

And I didn't see her till really really late that night.. She had to do some surgeries because again our troops were hit.. I wanted to get well and get out of here.. But at the same time I didn't because that would mean that I wouldn't see Spencer again.. And I was so used having her around..

That night she didn't come from my bed but maybe she did.. I was asleep at some point and I don't remember.. It was 5am when I opened my eyes.. The hospital was quiet.. Maybe the first time after so long that it was peaceful.. I didn't want to sit.. Instead I tried to sit on my wheel chair and tried to get outside.. From the other times I was wheeling around I found that we had a small garden outside with a beautiful view..

It was spring so it was kind of chilly outside but I didn't care.. It was refreshing.. When I got out it was still dark but in a few minutes the sun would start to rise.. And I stayed there waiting.. At 5.30 the darkness of the sky was starting to fade and the sky was taking this beautiful color.. That actually is not a color from the pallet we already know.. It's so many colors together..

"This is my favorite time of the day.. When the day and night meet.. It's the most beautiful thing" Spencer said from behind me.. I didn't even hear her coming here..

"It might sound crazy but I never have seen the dawn before.. Living in New York is kind of difficult.."

"I would wake up at 4am just to go at the beach and sit there till the sky was red.. That was when I would move.. The most beautiful thing is that right now" she leaned close to my cheek and showed me the sky.. "From this part is still dark while from the other the sun is ready to rise.. It makes you wonder.. In other countries right now is already morning when in others the moon is still up.. Beautiful.. Isn't it?"

"It is" I said while looking at her..

"How does it feel for being your first time?"

"First.. Time?" I didn't know what she meant but my heart was beating really fast..

"First time you saw the dawn.. How does it feel like?"

"Beautiful.. I think that in future I am going to wake up at 4am like you just to wait the dawn.."

"I am going to tell you a secret.." she whispered in my ear.. "There is nothing better than to share this with someone you really care about.. It makes it more special"

"I will keep it in mind" I wanted to say that I just did.. But I didn't know how she would take it.. "You know what Ms Carlin? I really don't know anything about you.. Yet, you know pretty much everything about me.."

"I think that would be very true Ms Davies.. Maybe one day.. For now you know the most important ones.."

"And that one day when it might be?"

"Who knows? Now lets get inside.. It's late"

"Actually its early.. It's almost six"

"Even worse.." she said and I could sense her smile even if she was behind me..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you guys for your wonderful reviews.. Since i am still in vacations can't really answer to each everyone of you, usually i do.. So thank you you all..  
><strong>

**Chapter 11**

**Spencer's POV**

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><p>I have always knew what I wanted.. And whatever I wanted I had it.. I wanted to study medicine, I did. I wanted to be with a girl I liked, I had her.. Without sounding cocky.. But it was true..<p>

When I decided to come here during war time it was something I didn't think.. It was something I did in split seconds.. I said I would go and at the same moment I came in contact with the right people.. Simple.. But yet these last months I don't know what to do..

I find myself thinking of Ashley all the time.. Even when I am with a patient I am thinking of her and how she is doing.. I think people noticed.. Especially Marie.. Marie was one of my flings.. We both knew that what we did meant nothing.. We just needed our backs to be scratched.. That's all.. But I see how she looks at me, especially when I am with Ashley.. She didn't say anything yet though.. Maybe that's for the best..

But I can't explain why I feel for Ashley that way.. It's something that pulls me close to her and the closer she pulls me the harder it becomes for me.. The day we were outside watching the dawn together it was so hard for me not to kiss her, not to touch her.. But I couldn't.. It wasn't easy for lots of reasons.. And the most important was that I didn't know if she liked girls or not.. And how she would react if I kissed her?

I never wanted to hide my sexuality.. If I could I would go out right now and yell that I loved women.. But the moment I would do that everyone would stop for a moment and then they would throw rocks at me.. That's how our time and age is.. We are afraid what we don't understand.. And two women or two men being together is something that scares people.. I never understood why.. Why I had to hide who I was.. Why I had to see my girlfriend only in places were no one would see us holding hands.. Why.. I am a dreamer.. But I hope that in future that will change..

If someone told me to describe the girl of my dreams I would say that I just can't.. You never know who you are going to love or like.. It's just the person you are falling in love with.. Do the looks play a big role to that? I am not going to lie.. Of course it does.. But at the end it's not only that.. It's the simple talks you have with this person, the way they look at you, the gestures, the smile they put on your face.. And if they make you happy then even better..

But if you told me how Ashley makes me feel I would tell you that she just makes me feel alive again.. For two years I felt nothing.. Yet, the moment she opened those brown eyes she captured me.. Yes, she is beautiful but its not only that.. She is smart, she makes smile, and I like spending time with her.. Sometimes we are staring each other for seconds and I feel that she can see through me.. Like she knows how I feel.. So that's why I don't know what to do.. I am confused and I think that I am starting to fall for her and tomorrow she is leaving.. She is going back to her base.. Perfect..

"Hey stranger.. What are you doing here all alone?" Ashley said from behind me.. I was sitting outside at the little garden we had..

"Just relaxing and doing some thinking.." she came and sat right next to me..

"Mmm.. I can't help you with thinking but I can relax here with you if you want me to"

"Relaxing.. Sounds nice.. So how are you feeling that you are going back to your base?"

"I don't know actually.. My feelings are mixed.. From the one hand I want to go because I know that every kind of help is needed.. But from the other hand.."

"From the other hand what?" I turned my face to look at her.. She seemed sad.. Couldn't put my finger to what she was feeling..

"From the other hand is that.. I don't know.. I guess I am scared.." for some reason I don't know, I believe that it wasn't what she wanted to say..

"You are a strong girl Ashley.. And you are going to do great.."

"I guess.. And its not only that.. It's that I.."

"_Spencer.. Come inside.. We need you.. He is bleeding again.."_ I looked at her with a sorry look and I got inside..

Ashley was here three whole months.. The one month she was unconscious and the two others she was just recovering from her wounds.. And these two months I came to know her, like her, enjoy her company and start falling for her.. Ashley was an amazing person in and out..

"Spencer, we tried everything.. He started having seizures and the stitches broke.. We couldn't stop the bleeding.."

"Alright.. George.. George.. Where the fuck is he?"

"I am here.. I am here.."

"Help me with this.. Hold him while I am going to give him something to stop the seizure.. Where is everyone?"

"I don't know.."

"For God shake.. Where they think they are? We are on a war god dammit.. Go find everyone.. Now"

Sometimes I felt that some people were here for vacations.. The moment they would see that nothing was going on they would vanish.. Going to do who knows what..

"Now help me stitch him again.."

Once I finished I found myself walking to where Ashley was sitting.. She was reading a book I gave her the other day..

"Hey" she greeted me with that beautiful smile of hers and left the book right next to her..

"Hey.."

"You seem.. Stressed.."

"You think?"

"What can I do to help you release that stress?" oh no she didn't.. If only she knew what she just said and if only I could give her the answer I had on my mind..

"Ehm.. It's ok.."

"No, its not.." she said and came right next to me putting her hands on my shoulders massaging me.. It felt so good.. " See, you are really stressed.. You must stop thinking too much.."

When she did that I saw how some men looked at us and that scared me.. Not for me but for Ashley..

"It's ok.. Thanks Ash.." I said while holding her hand.. "Thank you very much.. It helped already.."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I am.."

I haven't told her about me yet.. I didn't know what she would say or how she would feel but tomorrow it would be her last day here and I wouldn't see her again.. So as always I didn't think.. I acted..

"Maybe tonight we could meet outside and watch the dawn again together?"

"I would love that.. Who knows when I am going to watch the dawn in France again?"

"Find me outside round 5am ok?"

"Ok.. See you later.."

I didn't want to cause any other commotion to the men around us so I didn't go by her bed at 12.30 as I usually did.. Instead at 5am I was outside waiting for her.. And at 4am sharp she came outside and sat right next to me..

"Ash.."

"You called me Ash.. It's the second time.."

"I know.."

"I like it.."

"I haven't told you some stuff about me.. And although its not the right time I just wanted to tell you.. I wanted you to know.."

"Ok.."

"Ehm.. I don't know how to say that.. Please don't freak out.. It's still me.. The same person.. I am still Spencer.."

"Now you are scaring me.. What is it?" she said and touched my hands..

"I.. I am a lesbian.." she looked at me in the eyes still holding my hands but she didn't say anything.. She was just there looking at me.. "Say something please"

"A lesbian? Like a lesbian lesbian? Like you and another woman lesbian?"

"Yes.."

"Like making love to another woman lesbian?"

"Yes, that kind of a lesbian.. I don't know if there are kinds.." she removed her hands from mine and got up from where she was sitting.. I heard her though saying something in the words of _'Oh my God' _before she get up..

"Ashley.."

"Just give me a second please.."

When she finally looked at me she came and bended right infront of me touching again my hands..

"Why? Why you didn't tell me sooner?"

"I couldn't.. It's not something you say after you introduce yourself Ashley.. I was scared"

"Of me?"

"Of your reaction.. And I still can't understand what your reaction is.."

"Why now? Why not all these months?"

"I don't know.. Maybe because you would leave tomorrow and I wouldn't see you again.."

"I thought you knew me better.. Spencer, you are very special to me.. You thought that you wouldn't hear from me again?"

"Yes"

"You were wrong.. Because I was planning to write to you.. Maybe it was you that didn't want to keep contact with me.."

"No, that's not true.. I.."

"And you didn't trust me enough to tell me something that important.."

"No, Ashley.. Believe me.. It's not that.. It's.." it was now or never.. I didn't know what got me but in a second my lips were on hers and I was kissing her.. And what surprised me was that she didn't push me back.. Instead she was kissing me as well.. I did kiss a lot of girls but that kiss right now was one of the best I ever had..

"Wow"

"Yes.. That's why I didn't tell you.."

"I kissed a girl.." she said and touched her lips with her fingers.. "I kissed a girl and it never felt more real.." she said again and looked at me.. "Look at the sky.. It's your favorite part.. Dark and day at the same time"

"Indeed.."

"Beautiful isn't it? But I am going to tell you a secret.. It's much better when you share it with someone you care about" she quoted what I told her weeks ago..

"I think I know.." we both came closer and she laid her head on my shoulder while she was holding my hand..

What tomorrow would bring I don't know.. The only thing I knew was that I kissed Ashley and she kissed me back.. And something more important that I wanted to forget.. Tomorrow Ashley was leaving..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome..**

**A/N.. Last update unfortunately.. Next one will be once i am back.. Take care and i hope you remember me and my story in a week.. :p See you soon**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey guys.. I am back to writing and unfortunately back to work.. But i had a great summer.. Thank you all for your reviews..  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 12<strong>

**Ashley's POV**

Life is just unpredictable.. You don't know what tomorrow holds for you.. You just wake up and wait to find out.. Some things you plan.. Some things you are not.. Some things you already know and some other are still a big mystery.. They say that a kiss can tell you a lot.. And in my twenty two years of age I kissed only two people.. It was a kiss with a man and a woman.. Aiden and Spencer.. I can easily describe to you both first times.. But only one of them made me feel something.. Fireworks.. It was that kiss that awakes all your senses.. And that kiss was with Spencer..

All my life I knew I was different.. I could feel it but I didn't know what was it.. At first I thought it was me wanting to become a pilot.. Of course that would make me different in the eyes of other people, but.. There was always that but in the back of my head.. I liked men.. I did.. Aiden is handsome and all the other young men my mother wanted me to marry were handsome but I couldn't feel anything for them.. Yet I found myself looking at Spencer and it just clicked.. I could picture her lips when I would close my eyes at night.. She would be the first person I would think about in the morning.. And most of all I would wait for her to find me by my bed at 12.30pm at night.. I was starting to have feelings for someone and that someone was a girl..

I read a lot.. I was always searching for things that people liked to hide and were controversial.. And I knew the term lesbian.. I knew what that meant.. I read Greek mythology and all that stuff.. Women falling for women.. And since I was feeling like that for Spencer what that made me? I questioned myself so many times but since I couldn't give an answer to myself I stopped questioning.. At the end it was how I was feeling for Spencer.. Spencer would never be like that.. Who would in this time? And I was wondering.. Were there any other women that felt like me? And if there were.. Where were they? Most of all I was hating myself because I was starting to forget Aiden.. The man who helped me come here, who gave up his family because he took my side, the man who respected me.. But my mind was occupied with her..

Tomorrow would be my last day here.. I was already too long at this hospital.. My feelings were mixed.. I didn't want to go because that meant that I wouldn't see her again but from the other hand I needed to go because that was what I was doing here after all.. I was a pilot and my duty was to help..

When she came by my bed later that day she seemed stressed and I really wanted to make her feel better.. Or more likely I wanted to feel her smooth skin under my fingers.. The last couple of days I kept catching myself wanting to touch her.. Feel her.. And these last couple of days it was getting harder and harder not to..

"You seem.. Stressed.."

"You think?"

"What can I do to help you release that stress?"

"Ehm.. It's ok.."

"No, its not.." I said and I started massaging her neck.. " See, you are really stressed.. You must stop thinking too much.." while I was massaging her and she was starting to relax I saw her flinch.. She touched my hand and held it there..

"It's ok.. Thanks Ash.. Thank you very much.. It helped already.."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I am.."

I didn't know what that was.. Maybe she didn't want me to massage her.. But I could feel she liked it.. I didn't look more into that though..

"Maybe tonight we could meet outside and watch the dawn again together?" she said while getting up from my bed.. How I could say no to those beautiful blue eyes of hers..

"I would love that.. Who knows when I am going to watch the dawn in France again?"

"Find me outside round 5am ok?"

"Ok.. See you later.."

She didn't came from my bed as she usually did at 12.30 but I would see her at 5am when everyone would be asleep.. And it would be just us..

I didn't sleep that night.. Instead I kept checking my watch.. At 5am I found her waiting for me outside and like I usually did I sat right next to her..

"Ash.." she said with a smile.. God I would miss that smile..

"You called me Ash.. It's the second time.."

"I know.."

"I like it.."

"I haven't told you some stuff about me.. And although its not the right time I just wanted to tell you.. I wanted you to know.."

"Ok.."

"Ehm.. I don't know how to say that.. Please don't freak out.. It's still me.. The same person.. I am still Spencer.."

She sounded weird.. Like she wanted to tell me something so important but she couldn't find the words.. And when she did the only thing I could hear was _'lesbian'.. _I was in shock.. Like all I could hear was that.. And it's not that I didn't know what that was but I kept repeating the word like it was something bad.. And it wasn't.. Because one of my questions was answered and she liked girls.. And I might had a chance.. But who I was kidding.. She would never.. And I couldn't.. I was married..

"Why? Why you didn't tell me sooner?"

"I couldn't.. It's not something you say after you introduce yourself Ashley.. I was scared"

"Of me?"

"Of your reaction.. And I still can't understand what your reaction is.."

"Why now? Why not all these months?"

"I don't know.. Maybe because you would leave tomorrow and I wouldn't see you again.."

"I thought you knew me better.. Spencer, you are very special to me.. You thought that you wouldn't hear from me again?"

"Yes"

"You were wrong.. Because I was planning to write to you.. Maybe it was you that didn't want to keep contact with me.."

"No, that's not true.. I.."

"And you didn't trust me enough to tell me something that important.."

"No, Ashley.. Believe me.. It's not that.. It's.." and like that I felt her lips on mine.. Soft lips kissing me and I was kissing her back.. And all I could think of was that I wanted more, more of her, more of her lips.. I didn't want to let her go.. But she was the one who did.. And I realized I had my eyes closed..

"Wow"

"Yes.. That's why I didn't tell you.."

"I kissed a girl.. I kissed a girl and it never felt more real.." it was the only real thing in my life right now.. I realized why I was feeling different, why I wanted to become a pilot, why I was feeling that way for her when I never felt anything for any other.. "Look at the sky.. It's your favorite part of the day.. Night and day at the same time"

"Indeed.."

"Beautiful isn't it? But I am going to tell you a secret.. It's much better when you share it with someone you care about"

"I think I know.."

We stayed there holding hands till the sun was up.. With me laying on her shoulder kissing her neck every ten seconds because I couldn't get enough of her.. And when I did she was looking back at me kissing me softly on my lips.. At that right moment it was me and her.. No one could invade in my mind.. I forgot all about who I was.. Because I was Ashley Dennison, wife of Aiden Dennison.. But with her I was just Ashley..

"I can't believe you didn't tell me Spencer.."

"Well.. I can't believe you kissed me.."

"You kissed me first though.."

"And you kissed me back.."

"Not the point.. If you told me a month ago, if I knew.."

"Ash, you never know what would happen.. And to tell you the truth I wasn't ready to tell you tonight either.."

"Aren't you glad that you did?" she got up from where she was sitting and didn't look back.. I got up and came from behind her, holding her, resting my head on her back.. "Aren't you?"

"Yes and no.. Yes because now I got to know how is to kiss you, to feel you, taste you and no because now I have to lose you, I have to let you go.. Now I will be scared every day, afraid that something will happen to you, pray that when they will bring a pilot it's not going to be you.."

"Spence.. Look at me.." when she turned she was already crying.. I cupped her face and kissed all her tears.. I didn't want her to cry or to be scared.. "I wish we had more time.. I wish you told me before, and I wish I made a move.. But I didn't know what I was feeling as well.. All I knew was that I wanted you near me.. And believe me when I say, that while being in this war for almost a year I never felt more giving up than now.. I want to stay here with you.. I don't want to lose you now that I found you.."

"You are not going to lose me.."

"And you are not going to lose me.." I said and this time I was the one who was kissing her.. And she was kissing me back..

"We have to get inside.. In a few hours you have to leave.."

"I wish I didn't have to.. I can always go and break something.. A leg, an arm.. That way I can stay.." between tears she laughed.. I was kidding but that made her smile..

"Please don't.. As much as I would like to have you here.. We should get inside.."

"We should.."

Once inside I wanted to go outside again where everything felt easier.. Where it was only her and I..

At 9am they were here to bring me back to England.. They made sure that I could fly and that I was ok considering I was unconscious for a month.. When Albert assured them that everything was perfect I took my sack and searched for Spencer.. She was nowhere to be found.. She was the only person I wanted to see but she was nowhere near..

"Can we please wait?"

"Davies, we can't.. We need to be in England in 1200 hours.."

"Yes sir"

While I was walking to the plane I heard Spencer calling my name.. When I turned I had a huge smile on my face..

"Hello sir.. Spencer Carlin.. I was one of Ms Davies doctors" he didn't say anything but I could see his face.. He wasn't someone who liked to talk..

"You forgot your book.." I were to say that my book was inside my sack but I realized that she was giving me another one..

"Thanks"

"Take care.." in that moment I wanted to hug her and kiss her but I couldn't.. My last kiss was out in the garden watching the sun rise..

"Yes ma'am" I saluted her like I would to one of my superiors and gave her a smile only she could understand.. Once inside the plane I looked what was the book she gave me.. _'Wuthering heights'.._ I read this book more than one time and I always wanted to find that love.. Who wouldn't.. _'Cannot live without my life, cannot live without my soul'. _When I opened it there was a letter.. I wanted nothing more than to read it right at this moment but I would read it later when we would be back in England.. When I would be away from where Spencer was because that way I would feel closer to her..

At 1200 hours indeed we were back and the girls who weren't out in battle greeted me with hugs and 'hope you are well and ready to fly again'.. They told me that I would be in the air again tomorrow and they were glad to have me back.. But my mind was in France and into those beautiful blue eyes.. And when the night fell and I was in my bed the first thing I did was to open the book Spencer gave me and read her letter..

'_Ash,_

_I wish there was some other way to say goodbye to you today.. The hours we spent together felt like moments.. I wish I had more time.. I wish we had more time.. You and I.. I miss you already, I want you to know that.. Even if I know you for three months I have to say that these months were the best of my life.. You brought the best in me.. You made me feel alive.. I don't know how I will bare not to have you here.. Touch you and kiss you.. Please be careful out there.. I don't want to find out that something happened to you.. I want to be able to hope that someday we will see each other again.. Till then, please write to me.. Be safe.._

_With love,_

_Spencer..'_

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**_  
><em>


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**Spencer's POV**

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><p>When Ashley left I found myself working as hard as before.. I wasn't sleeping because when I did I was dreaming that she was in danger and that frighten me.. Every time they were bringing a soldier here I would be the first to run just in case it was her and when it wasn't I was feeling relieved..<p>

After a couple of days I received her first letter telling me she was in Russia.. She was doing what she loved the most and I was happy for her.. Inside though I was wondering if I would see her again.. I was in love with a girl and that girl held my thoughts every day.. A girl I didn't know where she was most of the times.. A girl that I realized I didn't know enough about her..

"Spencer? puis-je vous parler? (_Spencer can i talk to you ? )_

« oui marie, c'est quoi? » _(Yes, Marie. What is it ? )_

« quelque part tout seul? _(Somewhere alone ? )_

I followed her outside and before I say anything I felt her lips on mine.. I don't know what got her to do something like that.. Maybe I knew.. I pushed her back and whipped my lips from her kiss..

"Quoi pensiez-vous? (what were you thinking ? )

« You don't like my kisses anymore Spencer ? » she said in broken English..

« Why you did that ? » she came closer to kiss me again but I stepped back.. What was wrong with her?

"Maybe its that pilot you like to kiss now.. Is that really appropriate?"

"Mind you own business Marie.."

"You forget so easily Spencer.. All this long I thought that.."

"You thought wrong.. What we did meant nothing.." she made two more steps and caressed my arm while whispering in my ear..

"We will see that.." and she left.. What really just happened? Was that a threat?

I sat there, in the garden where Ashley and I spent so many hours, and I thought of her.. This was our place and I had the most beautiful memories of her and now this happened.. I couldn't help but think what Marie knew, what she had seen.. What if she would cause a problem? All these questions were driving me insane and I didn't know what to do. It's a good thing I was asked to come inside because if I would sit one more minute there I would go crazy..

The same night when everyone was asleep I sat down to write Ashley a letter.. What could I tell her? I wasn't planning to tell her about what happened with Marie because certainly there was no need.. Instead I chose to write to her about things she didn't know about me.. I wanted her to know as much as possible.. Because these months weren't enough.. And at the end I wrote to her to tell me something about her as well.. I knew she was from a rich family but never told me anything about her parents, I knew she was living in New York but didn't know if she had a sweetheart waiting for her.. But if she had would she have kissed me back?

'_Dear Ashley,_

_The days go by so fast that sometimes I am wondering how it would be if time stopped? Wouldn't be amazing if we didn't get older? And if it stopped then what would happen? I find myself thinking of you every hour a day has.. How are you, in what country you are right now, are you ok.. You know, things like that.. _

_It's 2am in the morning here and I should be in bed but I am not.. Instead I am writing to you this letter.. This time I want to tell you about for when I was a child.. I told you that I realized I was gay when I was fourteen but I think I liked girls way sooner.. There was this girl, Anita, in fifth grade, long brown hair in curls, with her sundress.. She was so beautiful and I couldn't take my eyes off her.. She was the new kid at school and everyone wanted to be her friend.. And although you know how I am now I wasn't the same back then.. I was shy to even get near her.. Can you believe that? I can't.. And you know what? Anita became my best friend.. She chose me from all the other girls, and we were best friends till she had to leave again.. Her father was a diplomat and they had to move.. So I think she was my first crash and after so many years I still have a soft spot for brunettes.. So I don't want to bore you anymore with this long letter.._

_Please write to me soon.. Eh? I would like to know the Ashley before she became a pilot.. Can't wait for your letter.._

_Be safe out there.._

_With love,_

_Spencer'_

When I finished it was already 2.30am.. I closed my eyes for a couple of hours and woke up again from all the noise at the hospital.. Although I had a little apartment not three miles away from the hospital these last days I was sleeping here.. Or taking a nap because sleeping three hours a day wasn't sleep.. And like that another day in hell would start..

**Ashley's POV**

It was four months after I left the hospital and Spencer.. I was going from one country to another doing what I was supposed to do.. Things were starting to get better if you can actually say that while being on war but I think we were starting to win..

I was writing back and forth with Spencer and that was something that was keeping me sane.. She would write to me about what was happening there and her childhood.. Simple things that was making me falling in love with her more and more every day.. But I couldn't not to write to Aiden though.. One day I would sit down to write to Aiden and the next to Spencer. But my letters to Aiden were less than to her..

I kept playing in my mind the night Spencer told me about her and the way I reacted.. Weren't I an hypocrite? I was married to a man and I was in love with a girl.. I never expected anything like that to happen.. I didn't even know that I liked girls like that.. Or I did? When I was alone I was going back to memory lane, to when I was young and I was trying to remember how I was around my friends.. And especially my best friend Josephina.. I can't believed how I erased these memories but now I could see things more clear.. I liked Josephina more than a friend.. I was jealous when she found her husband not because I didn't have one but because that person would take her away from me.. Yes, things were more clear now.. Why I didn't want to find a husband like all my friends did, why I didn't feel comfortable when they were flirting.. It's amazing what your brain can do.. It can make you forget.. And I did..

"Davies, stop writing your biography.. We have to go.."

"Yes, ma'am"

"You are leaving with Mendez and you are going to France.."

"France?" I said and I really tried to hide my smile because this was so unexpected.. I would see her again..

"Yes, go get ready. You are scheduled to fly at 1500 hours.."

"Ma'am , yes ma'am"

I was so exited.. I would go to France.. I would see her again.. But I didn't know for how long we would stay there.. And I didn't even have the time to tell her that I was coming.. I would surprise her.. Yes, I would..

"Davies, stop dreaming.. We are off to go"

"Mendez, bite my ass.."

"What a language.. I didn't know that women like you talk like that"

"Keep it up and you will find out how women like me fight.."

Mendez was an excellent pilot.. One of the few.. And this was our friendly greeting..

After a long flight we were back to France.. We found out that we would stay here for four days.. I had four days to see Spencer and I couldn't wait.. Maybe at night when everyone would sleep I could go..

The base wasn't that far away from the hospital.. Although I should feel tired the excitement I had was overwhelming.. I would find myself drowning into those beautiful blue eyes again..

"Davies, I need your help.."

"What is it Mendez.."

"Can you cover me tonight? I want to go out"

"Actually I wanted you to cover me.."

"Really now?" she said looking all surprised..

"Really now.. So please?"

"I don't think that you going out is more important than me going out.."

"Mendez I will cover for you tomorrow.. Please?"

"I don't know.."

"If you don't I am not covering you tomorrow.. Simple"

"You are a tough bargainer"

"Either you take it or leave it.. Your choice"

"Ok ok.. Tomorrow.. Now go.."

"Thanks.."

I learned to drive a year ago at the base.. Every woman had to because something could happen and they needed people to know.. So I took the car and found myself smiling while driving to the hospital.. The closer I was the more my heart was beating fast.. And once outside the hospital I couldn't help but run.. Run to find her..

I wanted to meet her inside but I knew that they wouldn't see it as normal so I waited till one of the nurses or someone would come out so I could tell them whom I was looking for..

"Excuse me sir.."

"Yes, mademoiselle"

"Can you please ask for dr Carlin?"

"And who are you?"

"Just one of her patients.."

"Oui.. I see.. One moment"

I was passing back and forth checking my watch every one second when she came out and I stopped.. We both looked at each other and formed the same smile.. Her eyes were glowing and I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and kiss her.. She came closer to me and whispered my name..

"Ash.."

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**Spencer's POV**

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><p>When the soldier came inside and asked for me I was curious about what he wanted.. All he said was that one of my patients was outside.. I didn't understand why this so called patient couldn't come inside and find me but I didn't think more about it.. I went outside and when I opened the door there she was, with her uniform and her long brown her in a ponytail.. She was here.. I couldn't help but smile.. After four longing months she was here.. I stepped closer to her and whispered her name..<p>

"Ash"

"Hey you.." she said matching my own smile.. I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and kiss her but I couldn't..

"How? When? You didn't tell me in your last letter"

"We found out yesterday that we were needed here.. I am going to stay only for four days.."

"Four months away, and four days here.. It sounds ironic" she came closer and put her hands on my hips.. If she would get any closer I would kiss her right here, without caring who would see us..

"I missed you Spence.. Every day I was missing you.." now her head was in the crook of my neck.. Her breathing was making me feel goosebumps..

"Aaaasshh.."

"I know.. I feel the same.." we both wanted to kiss.. I wanted nothing more than to feel her luscious lips on mine once more..

"We can't here.. Everyone is still up.. Wait for me.. I'll come and find you in our garden at 3am"

"I have to be back by six.."

"Only three hours.. It's better than nothing.. Wait for me.."

"I will.."

I couldn't believe she was here.. I couldn't stay here one more minute knowing that she was there waiting for me.. If only I could leave right now.. If only..

The time was passing by so slow.. I was being professional and I was doing what I was supposed to do but the moment I was ready to leave something would happen and they would call me back.. Like they knew the need I had to leave.. All I could hear was 'Spencer come here, Spencer he is bleeding, Spencer we need you' and although Ashley was outside and I wanted nothing more to be with her I had to be here as well and be the doctor I promised to be..

When I finished it was already 4am and Ashley was still there waiting for me.. She seemed tired.. I sat right next to her and held her hand..

"Are you ready to go?"

"Of course" she said and smiled to me..

My apartment wasn't that far away but I had my car and we were there in les than ten minutes.. It wasn't anything big.. It was only me after all.. Once I opened the door she took me in her arms closing the door with her foot and pushing me against it.. Her kisses were passionate.. The need to breath was already gone.. We didn't need to.. I was keep kissing her like there was no tomorrow.. And like our first kiss was tender and soft these kisses were.. I can't even find the word..

"God I missed your lips.. There were all I could think about.." she was kissing my neck and I could feel her teeth.. She was biting and sucking and I am sure that tomorrow I would have a hickey.. I didn't care..

"I missed you too.." I took her hand and we sat on my couch.. All I knew was that I wanted her so much but from the other hand I knew it was her first time with a girl.. I wanted to feel her but I didn't want to pressure her or scare her.. As much as I wanted all these I would rather kiss her and talk to her.. She would be here after all for only four days..

"Aaaassh.."

"Hmmm.."

"I don't want to stop kissing you but I want to talk to you as well.. I want to hear your voice.. I missed your voice"

"You are right.. I am sorry.. I just got distracted by your natural beauty.."

"Come here" I cupped her face and kissed her again.. "Will I be able to see you again?"

"I don't know Spence.. Tomorrow I have to cover up for one of the girls.. Today she was covering up for me.. You are not that far though from the base.. Maybe we could see each other again.."

"I would like that.."

We sat there with her in my arms and I was stroking her beautiful curls that now were down.. She was telling about the four months that we were apart, the letters she was patiently waiting from me and the smile she got every time she would read them.. She told me how it was out there and I told her how it was here without her.. Her bed now was occupied by a young soldier that thank God survived.. He lost his hand but he was alive and that was the most important..

I wanted to ask her what we were. There were so many questions I needed to ask but how could I? I knew what I was feeling and apparently she felt the same but where that would leave us tomorrow? We would see each other I don't know when again, we would kiss and then what?

"You are thinking again Spence.."

"Hmm.. Maybe"

"You know that maybe usually means yes.."

"And who says that?"

"I do.. So a penny for your thoughts.."

"They worth more than a penny.."

"Then, would you like to share your thoughts with me?"

"I don't know Ash.. You are here for four days.. There is no need to"

"Try me.."

It was now or never.. What if I would choose never? But never would mean that I would treat her like any other fling I had.. And Ashley wasn't like them.. I was in love with Ashley..

"I was just thinking.."

"Thinking it's not always the best.."

"Will you let me finish?"

"Yes, I am sorry.. I like it when you are strict like that"

"Ashley.."

"Sorry again.. You may continue.."

"Thank you.. As I was saying.. I was thinking about us.. Ash.. I am in love with you.. I don't know if it seems to soon for you but it's the truth.. So what I was thinking is that I don't know some things about you, I don't know if you feel the same, or if you are willing to try to be with me.. I don't want to scare you or anything.. But.." I felt her fingers on my lips stopping me from my rumbling..

"I feel the same.. I am in love with you.. For God shake, the first thing I did once I landed was to find a way to come to you.. To see you.. I don't know if its soon or not but what I feel it's true too.. But.."

"But.. Mmm, I never liked phrases that start like that.." she got up from where she was sitting and was facing now the window.. I realized she needed space and I gave it to her..

"You are right.. You don't know lots of things about me.. You don't know because I never told you.. But there is one thing I was avoiding all this long.." when she said that I couldn't understand what she meant but I let her continue.. Now she was looking at me.. "I lied to you.. It wasn't really a lie because you never asked me and I never told you.."

"Ash what is it.."

"I am going to tell you everything from the start and then hopefully you will still want me or like me.."

Once she started I was trying to keep up with her and remember everything she said.. Her father was the major of New York, her family was rich, she wanted to become a pilot since she was sixteen years old but she couldn't and when she found out that she could her parents prohibit it.. Her only escape was to get marry.. Something she was avoiding all these years because she didn't want to..

"So you are married.."

"Yes.."

"I specifically remember one day that you were writing a letter and I asked you if you were writing to your family or husband.. And you said family.."

"But Aiden is family.. Isn't it?"

"Why you didn't tell me?"

"I don't know.. Maybe because I am known as Ashley Davies in the base and not Ashley Dennison.. Maybe because I wanted to forget that I was married because it wasn't something I wanted but something I needed in order to escape my life.. I feel ashamed for what I am doing to Aiden.. He is a great man Spence.. I just wish I felt the same way I feel about you.."

"I don't know.. This.. Is too much.. I don't know Ash.." she now was on my feet hugging me and crying.. I couldn't see her cry and I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and tell her that everything would be ok.. But could it be actually?

"Please.. I don't know what to do Spence.. I don't know.."

"I wish I could tell you what to do but I can't.. I wish you would have told me sooner.."

"What would happen if I did?"

"I am asking myself if I would still fall in love with you.. Maybe I would but at least I wouldn't keep my hopes up.."

"Don't say things like that Spence.. Please.. I am so totally in love with you that hurts.."

"You don't know how much it hurts me as well.. And it's close to six.. You need to go back.."

"Spence.. Tell me this is not over.."

"It would be over if it started from the beginning.."

"Spence" she looked at me with tears in her eyes.. As I was looking at her I couldn't help but to answer in my head my own questions.. _'Did I want her out of my life? No. Did I want to kiss her? Yes. Would it be difficult to be with her knowing that she was married? Of course..' _ But one question kept playing in my head.. _'Could you stop loving her? No'_

"Go and we will talk soon.."

"Please.. Tell me it is not over.." I did something I didn't believe I would do minutes ago.. I kissed her reassuring her that it wasn't over.. But I needed to think some things and she needed to do the same..

"Ash, I am going to tell you again.. I am in love with you.. I want to be with you.. I am willing to wait for you but you need to think some things as well.. What you are doing it's not fair neither to Aiden nor to me.. At some point you will have to choose.. Now go.. I don't want you to be late.. If you can't come to see me at the hospital I will wait for you here.. Till the day that you will have to leave I will be here every night.. Now go.. See you soon.."

When she left I let my tears fall.. Last time I cried for someone I cared for was for Alex.. And that was almost three years ago..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey guys.. Sorry for not updating all these days but it was hectic at work.. It's going to be like that the whole week so probably i am not going to be able to update often.. If i find time i will.. Also i didn't have time to reread the chapter so forgive any mistakes you will see..  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 15<strong>

**Ashley's POV**

Sometimes we are doing what is the best for the other people in our life but at the end are we doing the best thing? Because I realize as time comes that what we are doing is the best thing for us.. We just translate it differently..

I wasn't sure if I was ready to tell Spencer the truth about me but I knew that she deserved it.. She already had opened herself to me more than once and I was letting myself fall deeper and deeper without actually telling her something that was a big part for me.. I thought it was the best for her not to know but at the end it was the best for me.. Because that way I could feel that I wasn't married, I wouldn't be that Ashley.. It would be me.. And now here I am.. Not knowing what is going to happen because I didn't tell her..

All the way back to the base I was crying.. I couldn't stop the tears falling from MY eyes.. They were warm, burning my skin.. In my mind only one question kept playing.. Was it really over? But if Spencer could hear me she would say the same thing again.. 'Something is not over if it never started from the beginning'..

It was after six when I arrived at the base.. I was late and I hoped that no one could see me but I wasn't lucky enough..

"Davies, get your ass back here immediately.."

"I am sorry I am late Mendez"

"Late? Do you know how many times they asked for you and I had to lie? Jeeze"

"I am sorry.. It will never happen again.. Thanks for covering me"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing"

"You are eyes are puffy.. You were crying.. What happened?"

"Don't want to talk about it.. Going to get ready"

"Be ready in 3min exactly.."

How I finished my day I don't know.. I was doing robotic moves, without thinking just mechanically.. I would salut when it was needed, I would walk when I had to but my mind was already somewhere else.. I just couldn't wait for the day to finish so I could lay down..

"Davies, you are covering for me tonight. Right?"

"Yes, Mendez.. That was the arrangement, wasn't it?"

"Just saying.."

"It's ok.. Go wherever you have to go"

"In our last trip here I met a soldier.. He is from France and he is so cute.."

"Really now.."

"I really like him.."

"Go to your soldier then.. But before you leave can you please give this letter to the hospital that is near the base?"

"To whom exactly?" I thought before I answer.. What could I say really? I met this girl and I am in love with her and by the way she the doctor who treated me and she is American?

"It's a thank you letter to my doctor who treated me last time I was here.. So if you wouldn't mind.."

"No problem.."

"Thanks.."

During the day I managed to find some minutes to write down what I was feeling to Spencer.. I didn't know if it was the right thing but it was the only thing I could do.. In that letter I wrote every feeling, every thought, every hope I had.. And it was the truth and nothing but the truth.. But still my problem was that I didn't know what to do.. My heart was going to Spencer but my mind was going to Aiden.. And Spencer was right.. I couldn't do this to none of them.. It wasn't fair to both of them..

The same night I didn't sleep.. The thoughts of what to come kept me up.. Mendez came just before six all happy and with a big smile.. Someone really had a fun night..

"Did you enjoy your night?"

"I did.. It was so.."

"Good?"

"Aha, that's what I call a French kiss.."

"Only a French kiss? You disappoint me Mendez"

"Shut up.. Thanks for covering me.. And by the way.. That Spencer Carlin girl, your doctor, she is really nice.."

"She is.." I said and started getting up..

"She told me to tell you something about the dawn.." I knew what she meant by that.. We shared moments like this a couple of times but beside that word it was the fact that she was telling me with her way that she really cared for me..

"Thanks.. Now lets go"

We were two days here and while our third was coming to an end all I could think off was her.. I wanted to go and find her to her apartment.. She said she would wait for me there every night..

"Mendez? Can you cover for me again tonight?"

"Mmm.. I am going out because I have a French soldier.. Why you are going out Ms Davies?" I was debating to tell her but I didn't know how she would take it.. "Let me guess.. There is a blond girl, a doctor, and gorgeous.. Maybe that's your reason going out.. Am I right?"

"Mendez.."

"It's ok with me Davies.. I did worse stuff before I come here.. So its ok.. Go to your girl.. We are leaving tomorrow and who knows when we are going to see them again.."

"Thanks.."

"Thank me later.. Now go.."

It was after 12am and I didn't know if Spencer would be there.. If she wasn't I would wait outside sitting on her steps wait for her.. It was my last night here.. And as Mendez said I didn't know when I would see her again.. I was waiting for an hour till I saw her from afar walking trying to find her keys.. When she saw me she stopped and looked at me.. I stood up and waited for her to come by her door..

"I was waiting for you.."

"I see.."

"You got my letter?"

"I did.. It was beautiful.. How long can you stay?"

"Till 6am.. As always.."

"Come inside.. It's cold.."

We didn't hug, we didn't kiss but I couldn't ask for anything after all.. Not that I didn't want to kiss her.. It was all I could think about..

"How was at the hospital today?"

"Hectic as always. How was your day?"

"The same.. Spencer.. What I said to that letter I meant everything.."

"Ash.."

"No, just let me finish.. I am not going to lie to you.. You don't deserve any lie.. I don't know what to do.. I want to be with you but I can't do this to Aiden.."

"Unfortunately you can't have both though Ash.. I care for you, I am already in love with you, I am willing to wait for you if I know that someday you will decide you want to be with me.. I just don't know how long that is going to be.. A month? A year? Two years?.. I don't know.."

"I wouldn't ask you to wait for me.."

"You wouldn't but I would wait for you because.. I can't explain it.. I never ever felt this way for anyone in my life.. Alex was my girlfriend of two years but now that I am thinking about it it hurts more letting you go than actually her breaking up with me.."

"Don't let me go.. I don't want to go.."

"You can't stay either.. So where that actually take us?"

"I wish I could tell you.." she cupped my face and kissed me.. I needed that so much.. I wanted to feel that closeness that only with her I had.. I didn't want to let her go.. But I couldn't stay either..

"You are living tomorrow and who knows when we are going to see each other again.."

"I know.."

"Listen to me.. Ok?" I just nodded.. "You, Ashley Davies Dennison, are the most unique person I met.. You managed to make my heart beat again.. You made me fall in love and thank you for that.. Maybe it's not our time yet.. Maybe in the future.. Who knows? I am letting you go tonight but I am not letting you go forever.. I will still be here and I want you to be here as well.. Write to me, every day, every month, I don't know.. Write me whenever you feel like it and I will do the same.. And maybe one day.." I couldn't help but cry.. I didn't know I was crying till I felt her kissing my tears away..

"Spence.."

"It's the only way.. It doesn't mean that I don't want you or love you.. It's because I love you so much that I am letting you go.."

I didn't know what to say because she said everything.. And she was right.. Maybe one day.. Maybe it wasn't our time yet..

"Can you hold me? Can we just lie down and hold me till its time for me to go?"

"Of course.."

We both stood up from the couch with her holding my hand while guiding me to her bedroom.. I laid on the right side and she spooned me from behind.. I could feel her breathe on my neck and a hot tear.. We were both crying and I held her close.. I held her close to me till it was time to say goodbye..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	16. Chapter 16

**Sorry for being absent all this long.. I am back with writing unless work gets in the middle.. lilce1992 , FFReviews , tbplrbear1 , hptriospashley , lilbit1016 , mb168 Thank you very much for your lovely reviews..  
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><p><strong>Chapter 16<strong>

**Spencer's POV**

Someone very dear to me said a long time ago "It's easier not to fall in love.. That way your heart aches less.." I tend to believe though that falling in love is one of the greatest things.. When you let yourself completely to something unknown.. At the end you might get hurt, you never know, but if you think about it you experienced something wonderful.. So I don't regret falling in love with Ashley.. It happened and I didn't expect it but it was something that when I think about it it just brings a smile to my face..

Letting her go wasn't easy but it was all I could do.. I wanted to believe that it wasn't our time yet.. We met under very difficult times and sometimes I wish she wasn't married.. Because when I told her that I would wait for her, I meant it.. That's what I am doing all this time anyway..

We never stopped writing to each other.. I never saw her again.. Maybe it was for the best, I don't know.. We both had the same feelings and she couldn't leave her husband.. It wouldn't be fair to him after what he did for her.. I never was a man hater and without knowing the guy, after all she told me about him, he seemed like a very good person and I wouldn't want to be the one who would cause problems to their relationship..

Every month I would get two letters from her.. She would write to me pages of how she was, that she was missing me, sometimes she would end her letter with her saying that she loved me.. And it would be the times that I would let my tears fall.. Because I loved her as well.. Up until now I had 24.. It was already a year after the last time I saw her.. The war was at the end and her last letter was telling me that she was going back.. I could read her happiness and at the same time her sadness.. All I could wonder was if she would continue to write to me now that she would be back.. She never wrote down her address in New York so maybe that was my answer.. I wrote her one last letter without knowing if she would ever get it..

'_Dear Ashley,_

_The war is over and with that everything seems different in a way.. I can't believe that you are going back.. That all of us are going back.. Here at the hospital everyone smile, they even had a party yesterday.. Can you imagine that?_

_One night I counted the days that I had you here with me.. I have known you for two years and from those two we were together, at the same place for 94 days.. Not much eh? Those 94 days though were the best and thank you for giving them to me.. I don't know where this letter is going to find you.. You might never get it.. Who knows.. But I want you to be happy.. And maybe one day we will meet again.. But I have a feeling that we will.._

_See you soon,_

_With Love,_

_S'_

September the 2nd of the year 1945 ended with 60 million people dead.. 20 million were soldiers and the other 40 million civilians.. I have seen death in those years more than once.. Someone I saved but others I couldn't.. From all these catastrophe I saw people falling in love and actually leaving from this hell together and happy.. I couldn't help but think that I might have had the same ending with Ashley.. But I didn't..

"Spencer, are you ready?"

"I am ready yes.."

"Where are you going to go now?"

"Back home.. That's all I want. What about you Christopher?"

"I proposed to Lisa yesterday"

"That's so nice.. I am so happy for you"

"Thanks Spencer.. So we are going back to my parents house so they can meet her.. Do you think they will like her?"

"Of course they will.. Lisa is a wonderful girl.."

"I think so too.. I want to thank you for saving my life.. If it wasn't you.."

"It would be someone else.."

"Thanks anyway.. You are an amazing doctor and a wonderful woman"

"I see Lisa waiting for you.."

"Goodbye Spencer"

I thought really hard what to do.. I haven't seen my family for quite some time, actually it has been years so all I wanted was to go back.. Even if when I left my father and I weren't on speaking terms.. But it was time to make amends with my family..

The flight back home seemed more than I could imagine.. While I was looking outside the window I couldn't help but think what happened all these years here.. The bad and the good things.. And while I was flying back to California I decided that it was time to let go of Ashley.. If she wanted to find me she knew where I was.. For now all I wanted was to go back to my home and watch the sunset at the beach.. That's all I was thinking..

Before I leave France I called my mother telling her that I was coming back.. So it wasn't a surprise seeing them, both my mother and father, waiting for me at the airport.. When my mom saw me she run and held me in her arms and I have to say that I really missed her.. I missed everything about her.. Her touch, her smell..

"Spencer honey.. I can't believe this is over.. I can't believe we have you here.. How are you?"

"I am fine mom.." she hugged me again and didn't stop kissing me till my father spoke..

"Paula.. I think I deserve to hug my daughter.. Don't you think?" last time I saw him we fought really hard but today it was like I was looking at someone else..

"Welcome back Spence.. We really missed you.. I am so glad you are ok"

"Thanks dad.. It feels good to be back"

"Now lets go home.. Mom made your favorite"

On our ride back home they were asking me how it was there, what were the feelings.. How could I describe them though the death I have seen? The young soldiers that died in my hands.. There weren't actually words to describe that.. Instead I tried to give them the whole picture with my own words.. Simple words so they could understand..

"I am just glad you are alive and here with us.. This war should have never started from the beginning"

"Unfortunately it did"

When I got inside my home I came face to face with the familiarity of everything. Everything seemed at the same place.. Even my room when I got upstairs.. I stood for a couple of seconds looking till I fell my mother's arm on my shoulder..

"I didn't touch anything.. It's the same the last four years.." I got inside and took a picture I had on my dresser.. It was me and my parents at my graduation from college.. It seemed so far away..

"I am so proud of you sweetie.. For who you are and what you accomplished"

"Thanks mom"

"I have clean towels on your bed and clean clothes.. Take a shower and come downstairs when you are ready.."

"Ok.."

I sat on my bed for a couple of minutes thinking that this room here wasn't the room I had in France.. This bed wasn't as hard as that one.. And this bed didn't hold one of the best memories.. It didn't have Ashley and I holding each other.. I said I would let her go but I couldn't forget.. Some things were reminding me of her.. And it was difficult.. Instead of going back and bring back all these memories I decided to take a long hot shower.. It was 8.30pm when I found my parents sitting at the dinner room chit chatting about something I couldn't hear..

"Spencer, come here sweetheart.." once I sat down my mother served my plate with food that I forgot it existed.. She had made some beef with red sauce, mashed potatoes and vegetables, fried chicken and I don't know how many other plates.. A family of ten could eat all that..

"You should eat honey.. You are really thin"

"I'll try.. But all these smell wonderful"

"Your mom is an excellent cook"

I realized that while I was sitting here with my parents only my body was here.. Mentally I was in France.. My mind was still there and I don't think it would go away anytime soon..

"Will you excuse me? I need to rest.. The flight was long. The food was amazing mom.. You are indeed and excellent cook"

"Of course Spence.. Have a good rest.. Its so nice having you back.."

I kissed them both and went upstairs.. I didn't sleep.. I couldn't.. It's been a long time since I had a goodnight sleep.. Instead I rested there, looking outside my window wondering where she was right now.. Did she wonder the same about me?

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	17. Chapter 17

**This summer i read a wonderful book that now is one of my favorites.. It is called 'One day' and i found out that it is going to be out in theatres here in Greece this week.. I am sure it is out in Europe and the States.. I suggest to read the book or watch the movie.. Or even better do both.. You won't get dissapointed..  
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><p><strong>Chapter 17<strong>

**Ashley's POV**

When you sleep you dream.. When you dream you wake up.. When you wake up, then what..

I dreamed of being with her every day for the last year, I was waking up knowing that this would never happen, and every day that was making it more and more difficult for me.. I felt like I was separated in half.. My one half wanted nothing more but to go and find her, be with her, take her hand and watch the dawn.. But my other half wouldn't let me do that.. I gave a promise to Aiden and I couldn't break that promise.. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I was right..

When we found out that the war was about to end I was happy but at the same time sad.. Because although I wasn't with her, we were writing to each other.. I knew she was close.. But now that everything would end I couldn't help if that would be the end of us as well..

Under my pillow I had all her letters from day one.. Since the day I left the hospital and came back here.. Each letter with the right date.. And when I would be alone I would read them again and again.. Sometimes I was crying, sometimes I was smiling.. But most of the times my heart was with her..

The day before we leave I wrote to her one last letter and send it to the address I had.. I didn't know if she would get it or not.. With everything that was happening I was just hoping that she would..

'_My love,_

_This is the first time I call you like that.. Strange, isn't it? All this time I had the chance but yet I didn't.. Now that I know that I won't see you again I choose the wrong time.. _

_I don't know what kind of letter is this.. I know though what I want this letter to be.. A letter of see you soon.. I didn't have the chance to my last letter to tell you some of the things I want you to know.. Spencer, I never ever fell for someone the same I feel for you.. You changed me in a good way.. You made me realize things I couldn't understand by myself.. Would I ask too much if we kept sending letters to each other? I don't know how it is going to be without having a letter from you every month.. I am leaving tomorrow and going back to New York.. I am sending you my address.. Hopefully I'll have a letter from you.._

_I love you.. I will always do.. Please take care.._

_A'_

When everything was finally over the rest of the pilots that survived flew back to the states.. I should be happy that I was going back to New York but my feelings were mixed.. Aiden knew I was coming back and I could hear his excitement in his voice.. We haven't seen each other for years and I have to say that it would feel weird seeing him now.. Married for three years and being with him only for two weeks..

The moment I stepped my feet on the ground, to my country, I cried.. I didn't know how much I missed it till I realized I was here now.. I didn't know what tomorrow would bring..

"Ladies, I want to say I am proud of you.. You did the best you could and I am glad we have you here today.. Thank you for serving the United States Air Force"

We saluted and we all started to walk away from what we knew for the last couple of years..

"Davies.. Davies"

"What do you want Mendez?" instead of telling me what she wanted she hugged me.. It was a surprise "What was that?"

"I didn't like you at the beginning but now I am going to miss you.. Keep in touch.." she said and gave a paper with her phone and home address..

"I'll think about it.."

"I realized that when you over think things you fail.. My advise to you is to just be yourself.. I expect a phone call from you.."

"Be nice"

"When I was nice?"

"That's true.. See you soon then"

"Yeap, if you call.."

While I was walking to the gate I saw Aiden waiting for me on his car.. Three years did good to him.. He seemed older but he was still the handsome man I remembered..

"Ashley.." he opened his arms for me to fall in and I did.. It felt weird at the beginning but then I came face to face with the familiarity.. He didn't smell like Spencer, his chest was hard and big, his arms strong.. Nothing like her.. Especially his lips when he kissed me.. They weren't that soft.. "You are here.."

"I am.. Yes I am.."

"Let's go home.."

The ride back I wasn't talking.. I was just looking outside the window thinking what I left behind.. What I saw, what I felt.. The pain, the death.. The love.. I felt Aiden touching my hand and I looked at him..

"Are you alright? But I guess that is a stupid question.. I am sorry.."

"Don't be.. I don't know what to tell you Aiden.. All I can say is that I am here and that I am not.."

"Of course.. It must have been hard"

"Harder than you think.. I just.. I just want to sleep.."

"You will honey.. Rwanda is waiting for you.. And her little boy but don't tell him he is little.. He wants us to call him John.."

"Can't wait to see them"

"I missed you.. Very much"

"Me too" he kissed my hand and till we were outside our home in New York we didn't talk.. He respected me for not wanting to and I was thankful..

When I stepped inside our home I was greeted with a big hug from Rwanda.. She even cried seeing me back and she introduced me to her son John.. He was only 11 but he was already to his mom's height..

"Hello Mrs Dennison. It is nice to meet you" I haven't heard that last name for so long.. And reality was kicking in..

"You can call me Ashley.. Mrs makes me sound old.. And I am not old John"

"No, you are not.. You are a beautiful lady" I felt Aiden's hand on my back..

"Yes, she is" and he kissed my forehead.. "Now, I am sure Rwanda made for you all your favorite foods.. At least I think she did.. She was cooking from yesterday"

"Oh, sure I did Mr Aiden.. Everything for Mrs Ashley.. We really missed you.. I was praying to Lord every day for your safety and he heard my prayers.. I am so happy to have you here.."

"It's good to be here.. Now if you excuse me, I will go up to my room to change and take a shower.. See you in a few"

When I reached my room I put my luggage down and took some minutes to realize that I wouldn't sleep on a bunk.. I wouldn't hear the planes coming and going nor the serene when we would be under attack.. In this room I wouldn't be able to put Spencer's letters under my pillow.. Instead I had to find a place to put them in.. Somewhere only I would know..

I opened my things and found her letters.. I traced with my fingers her handwriting and brought them close to my face.. I might be crazy but instead of paper I could smell her.. Or maybe I was crazy.. Who knows.. I was surely crazy for her.. I was trying to find a place to put those letters.. Somewhere that Aiden wouldn't search and somewhere Rwanda wouldn't need to clean.. I couldn't think of a place right now.. Instead I put them inside my pillow case.. Tonight I could think of the right place..

After taking a long shower I put my clothes on and went downstairs were Aiden, Rwanda and John was waiting for me patiently.. The shower took me long enough but when they saw me they all smiled and Aiden helped me sit on my chair.. Always the gentleman..

"Rwanda.. You cooked for a month.. I don't know even if I can eat.."

"Mrs Ashley you need to eat.. You look pale and I am sure the food you were eating there wasn't healthy and sure not even close to mine"

"Of course it wasn't.. But you didn't have to.. What are we going to do with so much food?"

"Leave that to me Ash.." Aiden said and touched my hand.. "Now let's eat"

"You are going to excuse us.. We will go at the kitchen.."

"You are not going anywhere Rwanda.. Our family eats together.. And you Rwanda and you John are family" I said firmly..

"You already know that Rwanda" Aiden spoke after me keeping a calmer tone on his voice..

"I know but its that Mrs Ashley is here, you might need some time alone.."

"I need time with the people I care for.. So please sit here with us.."

We prayed and thanked God for what we had.. I was thankful I was back alive and here.. At that moment Spencer came on my mind.. Where she was now? Was she already back or still there?

The dinner ended with all of us sitting in the living room.. Me telling them of what happened.. Or at least trying to tell them some.. I couldn't say about the people I saw dying.. Nor about the young soldiers at the hospital.. I couldn't find the right way anyway.. After 10pm I was already physically and mentally exhausted.. So we said our goodnights and Aiden and I went back to our bedroom.. He changed infront of me but I couldn't do the same.. Instead I went to the bathroom and when I got back he was already laying there waiting for me.. Once I was at the bed I felt his strong arms around me and him kissing my neck..

"I missed you so much.. You can't imagine what was going on here.."

"I am sure you can not imagine what was going on there either.. It was the war Aiden.. Have you ever heard of a war being easy and people being all happy about that?"

"Of course not.." I could feel he wanted something more but what he wanted I couldn't give to him.. Even if that meant that he wanted to talk.. I just couldn't..

"I am tired Aiden.. We should go to sleep.."

"Yes.. Goodnight Ashley.. Again, I am so happy you are back.." he kissed my head and turned on his side.. I from the other hand put my hand under my pillow case.. I touched the letters and closed my eyes.. Once I did I saw her smiling at me, her trying to put her hair behind her ear and asking me to come closer.. I did in a way..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

**Spencer's POV**

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><p>My life back to California it was strange at first, but yet it came to its normal rhythms after some time.. It had to.. I was feeling lost and I have to say that I still feel like that sometimes.. I might hear something or see something and then it will take me back.. It wasn't easy but I was glad I had my parents to help me..<p>

My dad was telling me that I needed to make a step every day and that I did.. It was hard but I did it.. It was easy to find a job to a hospital especially after coming back from war.. So my rhythms came to normal when I started to work as a doctor again after being away from medicine for three months..

Those months I was waiting every day to see the mailman just in case he had a letter to give to me.. But every day he would come empty handed.. I won't say I wasn't disappointed.. I was.. But it was something that I realized it wouldn't happen.. Ashley totally forgot about me.. She was back to her life and her husband.. And as she let me go I needed to let her go as well.. It was time.. That was when I decided to go back and do what I knew I was good at..

Two weeks after I came back Alex contacted me.. She knew I was back and she wanted to see me.. I thought at first not to see her but at the end she was someone I really cared for and I was in a relationship with her for two years.. She might have hurt me but who was I not to forgive.. From the other hand I wanted to ask her so many questions and I needed some answers..

We met to a near café next to her house.. When I arrived there she was already waiting for me.. She stood up from where she was sitting and made a step to hug me but she stopped..

"Spencer.. Hi.."

"Hey"

"Thanks for seeing me today.."

"Why I shouldn't?" I said and sat to the opposite chair of hers..

"I am glad you are ok.." it was four years later after our break up.. She seemed older but yet she was the same girl I left behind..

"So how are you?"

"I am good. I am working as a journalist to the local newspaper now"

"Nice"

"How are you?"

"That needs time and a coffee can not explain how I am and what I feel.. All I can say is that I am here and alive"

"Of course"

"Alex, I need to ask you some things and I need you to answer to me truly" she didn't answer.. Instead she nodded.. "Four years ago, you said you would wait but after some months you send me a letter telling me that you couldn't wait and that you found someone else.. Two years together Alex.. We were two years together and yet you break up with me like that.. Why?"

"Spencer.. I.. don't know what to say"

"Why you called me? Why you wanted to meet me? I don't find any reason"

"I lied"

"You lied? About what?"

"I didn't find anyone.. How could I when I was totally in love with you.. I still am.. But it was the only excuse.. I couldn't bare the thought that something would happen to you and I couldn't wait.. I am not that person.. What if something happened to you?"

"Are you kidding me right now? What if I was dead? Then I would die knowing that you broke up with me because you met someone else.."

"I know.. I know.. I am stupid.. But Spence.." she said and touched my hand.. "I never stopped loving you.."

"I wish I could say the same about you.. I am sorry Alex"

"What that suppose to mean?"

"It means that I moved on with my life.. If you are asking for forgiveness or anything I forgive you.. But I am sorry, I can't be with you.."

"You moved on? You mean.."

"Yes, I mean.. I met someone else.."

"Who is she?"

"Does this really matter? I don't think it does.. So, it was nice seeing you.. I hope you find what you want.. Maybe we will see again.. Who knows.. Till then, take care.."

I didn't look back.. I just walked away from her.. And that was eight months ago..

I was looking outside the window thinking of Ashley again.. Sometimes I catch myself thinking of her.. I shouldn't but she still holds my thoughts.. But my thoughts were interrupted by a nurse when she walked inside my office..

"Dr Carlin, we need you at the operation room.."

"I am coming right away"

Feather River Hospital was one of the bests and when I applied there for job they called me the next day.. I was twenty seven but I was already more experienced from all the others at my age..

"What we have here?"

"They just brought him here.. He had a heart attack.."

"Do you know his name?"

"I don't know.."

"Go find out then.. Now"

"Yes, doctor"

When I finished medicine I thought about following general medicine but cardiology always fascinated me.. So now I was a resident at cardiology and I loved the fact that it was keeping me away from whom I shouldn't think..

After two hours at the operation room the surgery was successful and the patient was already in his room recovering..

"Anita? Did you find his name?"

"No, doctor. He didn't have any identification on him.. No wallet was found.. Maybe they robbed him.."

"Ok, thanks.. I guess we will have to wait for him to wake up so we can ask some questions.."

The man was at his early thirties and him having a heart attack wasn't a surprise.. He didn't seem someone who would live on the street.. But we had to wait for him to wake up and give us some answers..

The last days I was sleeping at the hospital.. Didn't have time to go home.. I only went to change clothes and then I was back here again.. My day consisted of doing my morning and night rounds, operating, and then the same again.. If I was needed I was there.. Back in war I did pretty much everything and they knew..

"Dr Carlin.. I am sorry.. The patient is waking up if you want to see him.."

"Thanks Anita"

I walked to room 405 where we had him and indeed he was up.. I didn't want to ask him while he was being like that.. Instead I checked his vitals..

"Hello sir.. I am doctor Carlin and I was your surgeon.. You suffered a heart attack and we had to operate you.. Can you tell me how you feel?"

"Shore"

"Of course.. Can you tell me what happened?"

"My wife.."

"What about your wife?"

"She.. doesn't know.. They.."

"Sir, sir.. Can you hear me?" Immediately I went right next to him.. I checked his vitals and he was out.. Most of the patients after a surgery like that couldn't take the pain and they were cases where they would faint.. He was one of those cases.. I asked for a nurse to come to give him the right drugs.. Tonight I couldn't ask him.. Tomorrow I would..

Like all the other nights I slept on the couch of my office.. First thing I did next morning was to go and check my patient but first I had to finish my rounds.. When I got to his room he was awake.. He seemed better than yesterday.. Hopefully today he could answer my questions..

"Goodmorning sir"

"Goodmorning"

"Do you remember me?"

"Yes, the surgeon. Dr Carlin"

"How are you feeling today?"

"Same as yesterday"

"Could you tell me what happened?"

"I remember two men with a gun.. A pain on my chest.. And then I was down.. I can't remember anything else.."

"We couldn't find any ID of yours to fill the papers.. Could you tell me your name sir?"

"Aiden Dennison"

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

**Ashley's POV**

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><p>Eight months and I didn't have a letter from her.. Eight months and I still had her on my mind.. I was starting to wonder if she ever got my letter or even worse she got my letter but didn't want to keep in touch. I didn't know what to do..<p>

My relationship with Aiden was ok I guess.. I was trying to be the wife I was supposed to be.. Although sometimes it was very difficult for me.. Especially when I had to actually fulfill my duties as a wife.. Divorcing wasn't an option.. And if I would take a divorce what would happen after that? My parents disowned me, I didn't have my own money.. At least Aiden was a good guy.. He gave me everything I needed.. Except only one thing.. Spencer.. At the end I wanted all.. But I couldn't have all..

When he wasn't home I would go my secret place where I had Spencer's letters and read them again and again.. Sometimes I was catching myself cry and that because I was so screwed up.. I was starting to believe that I did the wrong thing staying with Aiden.. I was starting to believe that I lost the only person that made my heart beat so fast.. And that because I believed that I was supposed to be with Aiden.. Thoughts after thoughts..

The last three months Aiden had to travel to LA for his job.. When he first told me that he would go there I couldn't help but smile.. Los Angeles was where she lived.. I was jealous because he would be there and I wouldn't.. I wanted to tell him 'take me with you' and one day I did.. He just kissed me and told me what I would do there by myself while he would be out all day.. Instead I saw him leaving more than once and I was feeling my heart breaking every time..

"Ash, I have to go.. My flight is in two hours.. I'll call you once I am at the hotel.. I'll be back on Sunday.."

"Ok.. You do that"

"See you soon" he kissed my cheek and left me there thinking that I wanted nothing more than to be on the next flight and go search all Los Angeles to find her..

The last months when he was coming back from LA he seemed different.. He was acting distant and I would catch him sitting deep in thoughts.. When I would ask him he would say that it was nothing.. Things that had to do with work.. Also, he stopped kissing me on my lips.. Not that it mattered to me.. Actually I preferred that.. When he did kiss me I was just comparing him with Spencer...

"Mrs Ashley? I am going out to do the shopping.. I'll be back"

"Actually Rwanda.. I think I am going to come with you.. I don't want to stay here"

"Of course Mrs Ashley.."

I felt drowning in this big house.. Like it was a big pool that was pushing me deeper and deeper inside and I couldn't breathe..

When I was out with Rwanda doing our shopping the other ladies that were there were looking at us like we were rats.. Especially Rwanda.. Some of them I knew.. For them I was the girl who went to war and became a pilot and now I was here with my black made doing the shopping with her.. I could hear them whispering and looking at us, laughing but I didn't care.. Instead I continued walking with my head up and I told Rwanda to do the same..

"I am sorry Mrs Ashley"

"For what?"

"For those ladies"

"Don't worry about them.. They are depressed women that they live from other peoples lives.. Now let's go home.. Today I think I want macaroni and cheese"

A couple of hours later Aiden called telling me that he was at his hotel and his flight was good.. We said our goodnight and we didn't talk again.. The same night I read Spencer's last letter..

Next morning Aiden didn't call as he used to.. I thought that he had to run early.. I knew that his job was difficult and I didn't worry.. But when night came and he still hadn't call I was starting to think that maybe something was wrong.. I knew where he was staying so I called the hotel but they told me he didn't come back since the morning.. I might wasn't in love with him but he was still Aiden..

"Rwanda.. They don't know.. What should I do?"

"I don't know Mrs Ashley.. You could wait till tomorrow. And if he still won't call then we will see what you are going to do.."

"What if something happened?"

"It's a couple of hours till tomorrow morning.. So we wait"

I didn't sleep that night.. I couldn't.. And Rwanda was sitting right next to me trying to calm me.. The hours till morning were excruciating slow.. Especially when I was looking my watch all the time..

At 9am in the morning the phone rang.. Immediately I got up from where I was sitting and picked up the phone..

"Hello?"

"Hello, I am calling from Feather River Hospital of Los Angeles.. Yesterday they brought here your husband Mr Aiden Dennison. He had a heart surgery.."

"Oh my god. Is he ok?"

"He is recovering.."

"Thank you miss. Tell my husband that I'll be there as soon as possible"

"Of course Mrs Dennison"

He was in a hospital and he had a surgery.. What happened?

"Rwanda, help me pack my things. I am going to Los Angeles"

"What happened Mrs Ashley?"

"Aiden is at the hospital. He had a surgery"

"Oh my God. Is he ok?"

"They said that he is recovering.. So I am going there"

"Of course"

I packed my things and took a taxi to the airport.. I didn't know if I would find a ticket on the last minute but I was lucky.. The next hours I couldn't think of going to California.. I didn't think of her.. I just had one thing on my mind.. To see how Aiden was..

I found a hotel near the hospital, I left my things there and went to the hospital right away..

"Hello, my name is Ashley Dennison. They called me today about my husband. He had a surgery yesterday.. His name is Aiden Dennison"

"Just a second Ms.. Yes, he is room 405"

"Thank you"

I took the elevator to the fourth floor where I found again a nurse and asked about the room..

"Excuse me Ms. I am looking for room 405. My husband had a surgery yesterday"

"Can I have his name please?"

"Aiden Dennison"

"Of course. You could wait here.. He is right now with his doctor"

"Thank you"

"Don't worry.. She is one of the best we have here.."

"A woman did the surgery?"

"Yes.. And she is one of the best"

"I would like to meet her"

"If you wait here she will be out in a few minutes"

While I was waiting there reading some magazines I heard the nurse talking to someone..

"Doctor.. Mr Dennison's wife is here to see him.. She is waiting over there.."

"Thank you Anita"

When I stood up to shake her hand and introduce myself to her I came face to face with my love.. The person that held all my thoughts and my heart.. She was here..

"Spencer?"

"Hi Ashley"

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	20. Chapter 20

**We are on chapter 20 already? It seems like yesterday.. :p  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 20<strong>

**Spencer's POV**

Aiden Dennison.. How could I forget that name.. Ashley's husband was right in front of me, I was his doctor for God shake.. I tried not to seem socked or surprised.. I tried to be professional and act like nothing was going on..

"Well Mr Dennison, yesterday you said something about your wife."

"Yes, she doesn't know.. How she would anyway. I didn't call her. She must be very worried"

"I am sure she is.. I will ask a nurse to come here so you can give her your phone number so we can inform her.."

"Thank you so much doctor.. What is your name?"

"Carlin.. Dr Carlin"

"Thank you again"

"I was just doing my job Mr Dennison. The nurse will be here in a minute"

Sometimes fate has other plans for us.. After eight months of actually trying to forget her, Aiden is here, at my hospital and he is my patient.. And I couldn't help but think what if she would come here.. How she would react? What she would say..

"Anita, go to room 405. Mr Dennison is up"

"You found his name doctor?"

"Yes, so go by his room and he will give you his phone number so you can call his wife"

"Yes, I am going now doctor Carlin"

I tried not to think of her.. I did everything I could do just to not think of her.. But I failed.. Whatever I was doing she was there.. Invading my mind..

Hours later Anita informed me that Mrs Dennison would be here today and we should inform her husband.. I told her that I would tell her husband myself..

"Hello Mr Dennison. How are you feeling?"

"Like I had a heart surgery"

"Well, you did have one.. But everything is going to be ok. Just wanted to tell you that we contacted your wife and she will be here today"

"Thanks. Ashley gets worry easily" when I heard her name by his lips I wanted to cry.. I couldn't understand how come a girl like her that I knew only for quite some time made me feel like that..

"I am sure she does. But she will be here"

"Thanks"

"I'll come by your room later again.. Till then you should rest.. I will give you something for the pain"

When I left his room I went by my office to put my thoughts together.. Aiden was Ashley's husband, he was my patient and Ashley would be here later today.. How things change..

Aiden was a handsome man in his early thirties.. He was polite and a gentleman.. He seemed nice and I could understand why Ashley didn't want to leave him.. At the end I was the one who let her go.. I shouldn't think like that..

My day consisted of two heart surgeries and lots of rounds.. I had to be a pathologist because the one we had was sick and pretty much I had to do everything again.. The time passed without knowing till it was time for me to go check Aiden again..

"Hello again.." he turned his face to look at me.. He was pale and tired but his surgery wasn't an easy one..

"You are making me feel special doctor Carlin"

"All our patients are special" I said while I was checking his vitals.. "Everything seems good.. In a few days you will able to go home.. Are you living here?"

"No, New York.."

"New York.. Lovely place.. I suggest not to travel though.. You should wait.."

"I have a job back in New York. I work in a bank"

"Now I see.. Also I suggest not to stress.. Stress doesn't do good for the heart"

"Tell that to my boss"

"When you go back just take it slow. As I said in a few days you will be out of this hospital.. Now if you excuse me I have to go check my other patients as well.."

"Of course doctor Carlin"

Once I was out from his room I headed to the reception while writing down about Aiden's vitals..

"Doctor.. Mr Dennison's wife is here to see him.. She is waiting over there.." once Anita told me that Ashley was there I took a big breath and tried to be myself.. When I turned she was already up ready to hand shake me when she stopped and looked at me surprised..

"Spencer?"

"Hi Ashley"

"Wha- How- You?"

"What would you like for me to answer first?"

"Spencer.." she said again while trying to come closer to me and this time she was smiling..

"Dr Carlin.. I did the surgery to your husband.. He is now recovering.. He came here with a heart attack. From what he told me some people tried to rob him with a gun and that's when it happened"

"Dr Carlin?" she said repeating how I called myself seconds ago.. But she sounded sad..

"We are in a hospital Mrs Dennison and here I am a doctor. Your husband's room is 405. I was there a few minutes later.. You should go.. He is waiting for you" I said and made a step to go but she caught my hand and stopped me..

"You are Spencer to me.. No Dr Carlin.. I am going to see him and please I want to see you after.."

"I don't know Mrs De.."

"Don't even continue with my last name.. I am still Ashley.. So please.. I want to talk to you.."

"Go to Anita at the reception and she will page me.. If I am free that is.. Now go to your husband" I said and I left..

I didn't want to sound that harsh.. All these months I was thinking of her.. I wish I could see her and now that she was here I was acting like she was a stranger to me..

I was free.. I didn't have any more surgeries to do unless I had to be in ER.. I didn't know what we would say.. What she wanted to tell me.. And inside I couldn't wait to listen to her..

Round 8pm Anita paged me and I knew that Ashley probably was searching for me.. I prepared myself for our conversation..

"Dr Carlin, Mrs Dennison would like to see you.. She has some questions about her husband" while Anita was telling that Ashley was looking at me with hope?

"Of course.. Mrs Dennison, follow me to my office"

We walked next to each other till my office where I opened the door for her to get inside.. I sat on my chair and she sat on the chair infront of me..

"Spencer.. I can't believe you are here.. I can't believe I am talking to you.."

"Well, I am here.."

"I thought that you would like to see me but you seem.. I don't know.. Distant"

"Ashley.. It has been eight months.. Eight months of actually not having any letter from you.. Like you disappeared from earth.. So forgive me for being distant but I think that's the proper way"

"I didn't get any letter from you either.. In my last letter I wrote you down my address, I told you I wanted to keep contact with you but you were the one who didn't want to keep in touch"

"I never got a letter like that.. Don't you think that I would write to you back?"

"I don't know.. With everything that happened between us you might wanted to stop"

"And why you didn't write to me.. You knew where I was living.."

"I couldn't.. I lost your address while I was packing my things probably.. I tried to find you but I didn't know where to search.." she got up from where she was sitting and came where I was.. She bend on her knees and touched my hands while putting her head on my knees.. "I would never ever stop writing you.. I love you.. I haven't stopped loving you all this long.. I thought you forgot all about me.." I could feel her hot tears on my hands.. I didn't want her to cry..

"Ash.. please get up.." she looked at me with those whisky eyes of hers that now were full of tears..

"Spence.. Believe me.."

"I do.. Now please get up.. Come here" I moved from my seat and I let her sit instead. "I guess we both never got each other letters.. Because I send you one as well.."

"But we are here now.. Aren't we?"

"We are.. But this doesn't change anything.. You are still with Aiden.. You are still married"

"I don't want to be Spence.. Whenever I am with Aiden I am thinking of you.. I was starting to believe that I would never see you again.. But now.. Now that I found you.. Please.."

"I don't know what you mean Ashley.."

"Can we please meet somewhere outside?"

"I don't know.."

"Please.. I am staying to a hotel nearby.. And if you don't want to meet me there we can meet wherever you like.."

"We will see.. Now if you excuse me I need to go to see some patients.. I'll be around.."

I opened the door and went out.. My heart was telling me yes but my mind was telling me no.. I didn't know if I should meet her but my heart was screaming to me yes..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	21. Chapter 21

**Hey guys.. I wrote this chapter on my phone and probably that i'll do for the next chapters this week.. So they are not going to be long.. Sorry for that..**

**The Queen: and i was wondering where were you.. :p i told you before to fire your spies but you didnt listen to me.. Hope this time the new ones will do a better job.. Nice seeing you reviewing this story as well.. And liking it..**

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><p><strong>Chapter 21<strong>

**Ashley's POV**

They say that things can change from one moment to another.. Feelings, relationships, even the weather does.. Seeing her right there, my whole world stopped.. She was still the same beautiful girl i fell in love with.. With her blond her and those eyes that i was dreaming every night.. She was there, looking at me but instead of smiling at me, instead of taking me in her arms she stood cold and used a very professional tone.. She was indeed Dr Carlin, the doctor who did the surgery to my husband.. I wasn't planning to let her go though.. No.. After so long she was right here, with me, and I wouldn't let her go..

Once she left i went to see Aiden.. He looked so tired and torn.. I wasnt used to see him like that.. To me he was a strong man and seeing him like this, laying on a bed was difficult.. When I opened the door he looked at me and tried to form a smile..

'Hey..'

'You are here..'

'of course.. Like i wouldn't be'

'you didn't have to though.. I know it's a long trip'

'Aiden I wouldnt stay in new York knowing you were here'

'thanks' I don't know if it was the surgery but he was distant.. Like he was here but yet he wasn't.. 'did you talk with my doctor?'

'Yes I did'

'she is young but she is good'

'I know' i said without realizing what I admitted..

'how you know?'

'you are here with me, right? So that makes her a good doctor'

' I guess you are right'

I stayed there till Aiden fell asleep because of the drugs the nurse gave him.. I went to the reception as Ashley said and told the nurse that i wanted to talk with Dr Carlin.. I wasn't used to call her like that.. Not even when she was my doctor..

'she will be here in a few'

'thank you miss'

I sat on a chair and now all I could do was go wait.. I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and kiss her but that would be wrong.. I was supposed to think about Aiden, my husband, but all I could think of was her.. What she would tell me, how it would be between us after so many months, did she still care about me..

Even when we were inside her office she seemed distant.. It was like I was making a step forward and she was making a step backwards.. And then everything was out.. She never got my last letter, I never got hers and we lost contact without knowing if the one wanted this.. At the end the only thing left to discuss was me and Aiden.. And she was right.. I was begging for her to keep in touch with me, I told her i loved her but at the end of the day I was Mrs Dennison and we both knew it..

'please.. I would like to see you somewhere outside from this hospital.. We can meet where I am staying or somewhere else.. Just.. Please Spence..'

'I don't know..'  
>'please..'<p>

'we will see.. Now if you excuse me I have to finish my rounds.. I'll be around..' she said and stood up from where she was sitting leaving me behind wondering if I would see her again..

I spent the night next to Aiden.. I know i was being a coward, someone I started to deslike.. I was here playing the wife but inside I was screaming.. I just wanted to feel something and I was feeling like myself, I was feeling free when i was with her..

'Ashley..'

'Aiden, I am here' I heard him calling my name but when I got closer his eyes were shut..

'why?' I wanted to wake him up and ask him what he meant.. 'why?'

He kept repeating over and over again.. After a couple of seconds he stopped but in my mind i was wondering what that why meant.. Since he was sleeping I went out and wondered around the hospital where i saw her talking with one of her patients.. She seemed like she was meant to be a doctor.. She was kind and she was smiling at them and she seemed like she haven't seen death and pain.. She was a very strong woman and that was one of the things I loved about her.. Once she finished she saw me looking at her and started to walk where I was..

'it's late you know.. Why aren't you sleeping?'

'i cant. With everything that is happening it's not easy'

'Ashley.. I.. It's not right'

'What is not right?'

'.us. Aiden is here, and he is my patient and while i want to kiss you I can't. I just can't'

'Spence..' I stepped closer.. I wanted to touch her.. I forgot how good she felt in my arms..

'not here please.. I am going to finish in a few.. So let's meet outside.. Ok?'

'yes. Of course'

I could understand.. After all it was my fault putting us in this situation.. But instead of thinking that she might want to give us a chance I was afraid that she might wanted to give the final end.. But besides what I was thinking I went outside waiting for her.. After fifteen minutes she was outside..

'hey..'

'hi..'  
>'i would say come to my home but I am living with my parents..'<p>

'we can go to my hotel.. It's near'

'ok..'

The ride back go my hotel was silent.. She didn't speak but I didn't either.. What tonight might bring? Who knows?

'Ashley Dennison.. I am in room 609'

'of course Mrs Dennison. Here you are'

We took the elevator to the six floor and I guided her to my room.. When we got inside she sat on the edge of my bed and looked at me..

'I was starting to letting you go and fate brought us together again.. Ashley I don't know what I want.. Actually erase that.. I know what I want.. Since the day I met you I wanted you.. But you are married.. We can never be together' I went right in front of her and cupped her face making her look at me..

'I can't be without you.. You are everything I think about.. I know I am being selfish and not a nice person to Aiden but this is how i feel..'

'And why are you with him?'

'I am asking myself the same question every day.. Maybe because I owe him.. Maybe because he is a nice guy.. I don't know'

'And why you want to be with me?'

'Because when I am with you everything is more easy. You make me smile, and I am more myself with you than being with someone else'

'Ash..' she was ready to tell me something else.. Ready to tell me that i was wrong, that what we were doing wasn't right but I stopped her by kissing her.. I kissed her for all those months that I didn't.. I kissed her till we both needed air to breathe..

'I missed you Spence.. I missed all of you' and while i was looking at those beautiful blue eyes that held my heart she answered me back with a mutual passionate kiss.. Indeed.. Who knows what tonight might bring.. For now I had her in my arms..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

**Spencer's POV**

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><p>I didn't expect for us to kiss.. I didn't expect to see her fighting over me.. Trying to keep me.. I am not going to lie.. I liked that.. I craved for that.. I wanted to see her that she cared.. But.. There was always that but.. As much as I wanted to be with her at the same moment I couldn't.. I didn't want to be that person.. The third woman on a relationship.. And she was married.. I didn't want for me to be the one who broke them.. I was ready to tell her all my fears, all my doubts when she kissed me.. She realized what I was thinking and I have to say that when she put those luscious lips on mine I forgot everything I wanted to say and I kissed her back..<p>

I missed talking to her.. I missed her smile.. I missed her kisses.. I missed her.. And I still couldn't believe that because of Aiden she was here.. It was surreal.. Things like that don't happen.. But I was grateful.. Because I managed to see her again.. Who knows for how long.. But she was here.. We were here..

"What are you thinking Spence?" she said while she was caressing my arm.. With every touch I was feeling my skin burning..

"Too many things.."

"Spence.. I know what you might think.. I just want you to know that I love you.. I do.. With all my heart.. I am so in love with you.."

"That's good to know.. Because I am in love with you too.. But where that takes us.. Soon enough you will go back to New York and back to Aiden.. What are we going to do after that?"

"I don't know Spence.. I really don't know.. All I know is that I found you and I don't want to lose you.."

I got up from where we were laying and went next to the window.. It was chilly tonight.. I felt her coming from behind and putting her hands around my waist, her chin on my shoulder.. I could feel her breath..

"Please don't shutting me out.. Believe me.. I don't know what to do.. Tell me what to do.."

"I wish I could Ash.. I wish I could.. That would make everything more easier.."

"Please don't leave me again.. Please.."

"I am not going anywhere.. But I can't be what you want me to be also.. It hurts so much you know.." she turned me around so I could face her.. She was crying.. This was hurting not only me but her as well..

"I can't do that to him.. It's not easy.. He was supporting me all this long.. He was waiting for me to come home from war.. He is a good man Spence.."

"And because he is a good man I can't be your other person.. I want you to be mine and I want to be yours.. Just you and me.. I want to be able to wake up and sleep right next to you.. I want to kiss you and make love to you.. But I can't.."

I wanted her like I never wanted someone else before.. I was so in love that every word I was saying it hurt so much.. I didn't want to be out of her life.. But I didn't know how to be in her life as well..

She walked back to the bed and sat there facing me..

"All my life I was raised to do what everyone wanted.. My mom, my dad.. I was their little toy that they liked to play with.. I married Aiden to let myself free.. It was easy with him because I know he loved me.. In a way I took advantage of that and now that I found you, now that everything makes sense of who I am and what I want to do, with whom I want to be, I can't.. You might think it's easy.. I thought about taking a divorce and search all California to find you.. But I couldn't form the words to him.."

"Spence.. I want you.. I want to be yours.. Actually, you already have me.." she smiled but it was a mixture between sadness and happiness.. "My heart and mind goes to you.. I know that what I am asking is too much, I know that you are not such a person, but I really don't think that I can bare another day without you in my life.."

She stood up again and came in front of me.. She put her lips on mine and gave me a soft kiss that lasted more than five seconds.. I knew what she meant with all that.. She wanted us to try.. Try to be friends, try to be together? I didn't know what she wanted and that I asked..

"What do you want Ash?"

"Simple.. You.. Just give me sometime.. I promise that after he gets better I will talk to him.. And he seems different the last couple of months.. And distant.."

"I don't know Ash.."

"I promise.."

"It's late.. Let's get back to bed and try to sleep.. You haven't slept all day"

"We will.. I am going to take a shower first"

She didn't say anything else.. Instead she went in the bathroom and after she finished I took one as well.. Once I finished though I realized that I didn't have anything to wear with me.. I put a towel around my body and went out..

"Ash.." she was already in bed waiting for me.. Once I called her name she turned around and when she looked at me she stayed there for a couple of minutes without answering me back.. Yes, she was checking me out.. "Ash.. I am talking to you.."

"Yes? Ehm.. What did you say exactly?"

"I said I don't have anything to wear.."

"You can always sleep naked.. You know.. It's good for the body.."

"Ash.."

"With your towel?"

"Aaaaash.."

"Ok, I might have something for you to wear.."

"Much better.."

She gave me something and we both fell to bed.. I was laying on my back when I felt her hands holding me, with her coming closer to me.. I slept alone for so long that having her so close felt so good and right..

"Goodnight Spence.."

"Goodnight Ash.. Sweet dreams.."

"Mmmm.. sweet.. yes.."

I couldn't sleep right away.. Instead I was looking at her with a no stalker way.. She seemed so peaceful. Like everything that happened didn't affect her.. But from the other side I felt the same too.. I don't know how she was managing to do that to me.. Keeping me calm and making me forget everything outside our small bedroom.. I knew why.. Because I was so much in love..

Next morning I woke up at 7am.. I had to be at the hospital at 8am.. When I opened my eyes she was already up and she was now looking at me with a smile on her face..

"Goodmorning.."

"Goodmorning to you too.."

"Slept well?"

"That I did.. How about you?"

"Perfect.. Best sleep I ever had.."

"I am glad.." I got up but she held my hand..

"Where are you going?"

"I have to get ready.. I have to be at the hospital by 8am"

"We have time.. Please come back.." she said and moved the covers so I could lay back again..

"Ash.. I don't want to be late.."

"You won't.. Just for ten minutes"

"Ten minutes.."

"Yes yes.. Ten minutes.."

Those ten minutes we didn't say anything.. We were just facing each other, looking at each others eyes and holding hands.. In my mind I had last night's talk we had.. She wanted to take a divorce and she wanted to be with me.. Today I couldn't find anything to hold me for not being with her.. Today I was willing to wait for her.. I was doing the same thing all along.. I leaned closer and kissed her, taking all in what Ashley was.. The girl who was making me alive.. And as she told me yesterday.. I couldn't be without her either..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	23. Chapter 23

**The Queen: I would say the same.. Start hiring your new spies because things are getting interesting..  
><strong>

**Chapter 23**

**Ashley's POV**

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><p>Leo Tolstoy described the type of love where you lose yourself in the other person completely and you no longer feel like you are separate individuals, but one.. I always wondered if that kind of love existed.. Where you completely lose yourself to someone.. I didn't believe to that kind of love.. Till I met her..<p>

"Ash.. Thirty minutes passed and you said only ten.." she said and got up from bed.. I didn't stop her though this time.. I didn't want to be the reason for her to be late at her work..

"I am so sorry Spencer.. I was just enjoying your company.." she stopped what she was doing and came back to bed leaning on top of me, her blond hair on my chest.. She was the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.. She came closer to me and kissed me softly on my lips..

"I don't have any problem with that.. I was enjoying your company as well.." she said and kissed me again, this time a little bit longer than before.. "But we need to hurry up because I don't want to be late.. Ok?"

"Yes maam" I said like she was my captain.. She looked at me and smiled.. That smile.. How I managed to be without for eight months..

"I am not a maam Ash.. Silly"

We got dressed and we drove back to the hotel.. Spencer wasn't late and that was because I was running like I was a lunatic.. Once outside the hospital Spencer suggested not to go inside together.. It wouldn't look nice to the others there.. I respected that and I waited ten minutes to get inside.. When I was there Spencer was nowhere to be found.. I am sure she was already doing her rounds as every morning.. I from the other hand went to Aiden's room to see how he was.. I got surprised when I saw Spencer inside..

"Hey.. How are.. Oh, hello doctor" "Hello Mrs Dennison.. Mr Dennison here is doing better day by day"

"That's a very good thing.."

"I was telling Dr Carlin that I need to go back Ash.. Tell her"

"Aiden, you need to do what the doctor says.. You don't know better than her.. If she says you have to stay then you will stay" I looked at Spencer but she wasn't looking at me.. She was being professional..

"Mr Dennison, you had a very difficult surgery that requires for you to stay calm, and recover.. You are in one of the best hospitals here and if something happens we can fix it.. I am not saying that New York doesn't have good doctors, or hospitals but the flight back to New York it might cause problems.. So one week and we see.."

I believe that I formed a smile while Spencer was talking to Aiden.. One week, if not more.. I would have her for one week and I would try to make the best of it..

"I understand.. I am sorry doctor.. It's just that I am not used seeing myself like that.."

"Everything will be ok.. Now if you excuse me.. I will let you talk with your wife.. Goodmorning Mr Dennison" she said and left the room.. I couldn't let her go though.. I wanted some minutes with her..

"Aiden, I am going to ask her some things.. I am going to be right back"

"Ok"

When I went outside Spencer was already far away.. It was like she was running instead of walking..

"I am sorry.. Dr Carlin?" she stopped and looked at me..

"Yes? What can I do for you?"

"Can I talk to you about my husband's condition for five minutes if you have time?"

"Of course.. Ask me.." I leaned closer and whispered to her ear.. "Somewhere more private maybe?"

I saw her smiling and she just nodded.. She started walking and I followed her back to her office.. Once inside her office I closed the door behind us and locked it.. I didn't want anyone to interrupt my alone time with her.. I know that I was being adventurous but I didn't care..

"So what about Aiden?"

"You see, I am wondering if one week would be ok.. Maybe one week more?" I said while I was walking close to her.. She wasn't moving.. Instead she was there having a well known smirk, like she knew what I had in mind..

"Ash.. I don't know.. One week it's all he needs.. If we see that he has to stay for more I will tell you.."

"And what about my week with you? What if I need more?" now I was right infront of her, putting my hands behind her back, our breasts touching, my mouth inches apart from her neck.. So close to kiss her..

"Mmmm.. Assshh.." I started kissing her beautiful neck and I couldn't stop my hands anymore.. They were under her shirt, caressing.. Her skin was so soft..

"I can't leave you.. I don't want to leave you Spence.." I looked at her and her eyes were a different shade of blue.. She leaned and cupped my lips in a very passionate kiss.. A kiss like we never shared all this long.. Yes, I was losing myself in her.. I was completely lost..

"It will be ok.. We still have a week.."

"It's not enough.."

"Ash.. It's not easy for me as well.. You will leave and you will go back to New York with your husband.."

"I am not in love with him Spence.. I do love him but as a friend.. I love you with all my heart"

"Then we will find a way to be together.. Don't make it more difficult than already is" She was right.. It was difficult.. I hugged her and we stayed there holding each other for some minutes till she had to leave again..

"I am going to finish round 9pm.. If you are still here go to Anita and tell her to find me so we can go together.. Ok?"

"I'll miss you.."

"I'll be around.. You will see me.."

"One last kiss?" We shared our last kiss for the day and both of us took out separate ways.. I went to Aiden's room again where I found the nurse talking to him..

"Dr Carlin is an amazing doctor.. She was a doctor in this war and she came back a couple of months ago.."

When I got inside Aiden looked at me and smiled..

"Did you know that Dr Carlin was at the war Ash? You know, my wife was a pilot as well.. She came back eight months ago.."

"You were a pilot Ms? That is so amazing.. How was it there?"

"It was hard.."

"You and Dr Carlin are a role model for all of us out there.. You must be very proud of her sir"

"I am"

"Now, I am going to let you with your wife.. Have a good day both of you"

I sat right next to him.. He seemed better than yesterday and he didn't have that paleness on his face.. He was starting to get better..

"What did she say?"

"Who?"

"Dr Carlin.."

"Oh yes.. She said that if you are better you are going to be home in a week.. If not they are going to keep you here more.."

"But she said that already when she was here.. You didn't ask her anything else?"

"She said that you will be fine.." I couldn't think anything to tell him.. And he was acting very strange..

"Dr Carlin was a doctor in France.. How come you didn't meet her.. If I remember correct you were in a hospital in France because of the accident.."

"I don't know Aiden.. Maybe there wasn't only one hospital you know.. And maybe Spencer was in another hospital.."

"Spencer?" I didn't realize what I did.. I was agitated with all the questions he was asking and I said Spencer's name out loud..

"Who is Spencer?" I had to remain calm.. But how could I? In his mind I met Dr Carlin yesterday and I was referring to her with her first name?

"Ehm.. It's Dr Carlin.. Her name is Spencer"

"And you call her with her first name? From when?"

"She asked me to.. Ok? What's with the twenty questions Aiden?"

"Nothing.. Nothing at all"

He stayed quiet and I did the same.. What got him to start asking all these questions out of nowhere.. I couldn't help but think that he might knew something.. It would explain his behaviour the last months..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	24. Chapter 24

**Hey guys.. No excuses for not having a chapter all these days.. I just didn't feel like writing.. Thank you all for your reviews..**

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><p><strong>Chapter 24<strong>

**Spencer's POV**

Three months, fifteen days and thirty four hours since she left and went back to New York.. But who is counting..

While Ashley was in California it was easy. I could see her at the hospital in the morning and then we would meet at her hotel at night. She told me about what happened with Aiden and that he was questioning her about me and her. At first I got panicked.. I didn't want to cause any problems at my work and Aiden was still my patient.. So I decided to stop being his doctor.. He was already in recovery and what I was supposed to do was already done. When I told him, he was curious, I could see it in his eyes.. And Ashley being there as well didn't help..

It was three days after what happened that I found myself inside his room telling him the news..

"Mr Dennison, you are doing great. Your vitals are back to normal and as I see it you will be out soon and you will go back to your life and your work"

"Thanks Doctor"

"If you need anything I will be here. Just tell a nurse and they will find me"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I am no longer your doctor. You are arranged to go to recovery so you will have another doctor till you leave from California"

"But you did the surgery"

"I did, and you are getting better day by day. But these are the rules of the hospital Mr Dennison. But whatever happens, I'll be here if you need me"

He didn't say anything.. Nor Ashley.. They both stayed silent till I was out of the room.. It was the right thing to do.. And there was nothing else I could do.. The same day I didn't see Ashley at all at the hospital but I didn't have the time either to look for her.. Instead she came and found me while I was ready to leave..

"Spence? Can I come in?" I turned and nodded.. I was so tired that I couldn't even answer to her simple question. She sat on the couch and didn't look at me, nor talked to me till I was the one who initiated it..

"What is going on?"

"Why you stopped being Aiden's doctor? Now he is more suspicious. He kept asking me questions once you left"

"I had to. First, because my job is finished. Aiden now needs to go to recovery.. So that's why.. And second because of what happened.. Ashley, understand that my place is difficult."

"I understand.. I just.. I don't know what to do Spence. I am just scared.. What if he knows something?"

"Then ask him"

"I can't do that.. Ask him what? What do you know about me and Spencer?"

"I am sorry but I can't help you on that Ash.. It's your life and you have to find your answers to the questions you ask" she came next to me and held my hands while she was looking at me..

"But you are in my life as well.."

"As what exactly? Because I don't know what we are.."

"Why you are saying that?"

"Because it's the truth Ash.. You are married, you love Aiden, but you are not in love with him, you say that you love me and you are in love with me but yet you are afraid to ask for a divorce because you are settled in your life.. So I am a little confused here if you don't mind me saying" of course she didn't say anything.. What she could really say? She knew that that was the truth.. And I was falling deeper and deeper for her and inside I knew that she wouldn't do what she promised me a while ago..

"Can we please go?"

"We? Tonight I am going to stay with my parents.. I am sorry.. You should stay here with your husband or go back and relax at your room.. We will talk tomorrow"

"Why you are being like that Spence? Why? Can't you see that I am struggling as well? Can't you see that this is not easy for me?"

"Sweetie, nothing is easy in this life.. We make our choices.. I made mine a long time ago.. I know what I want, and who I want.. I told you before that I am willing to wait for you but I don't know for how long Ash.. I am sorry.. Especially when I don't know what we are.. Friends? Girlfriends? Lovers? Acquaintances? What?"

"I don't know.. I just don't know.."

"And that's why I am not coming with you tonight.. So see you tomorrow" I kissed her forehead and left her there..

As I was walking to my car I was thinking everything I told her.. Maybe I was harsh, maybe only with that way she could understand that her choices were affecting me as well.. Ashley was scared.. I understood that.. It's not that I was out to my parents as well.. I never meant for her to go and out herself to everyone she knew.. I would never do that to her.. But I just wanted to know that behind our close doors it would be me and her.. Us.. And I wouldn't care if I couldn't touch her hand while we were out, or kiss her.. Because at night she would be mine and I would be hers.. But I was feeling that Ashley wasn't ready to do that step either..

My excuse to my parents for not being home all these days was that I had lot of work at the hospital.. Seeing me stepping inside was a surprise for them.. A nice one if I might say.. My mom and dad were eating their dinner and immediately both of them stood up from their seats and hugged me.. My mom went inside the kitchen and brought another plate for me to eat with them.. They had my favorite.. Roast with mashed potatoes..

"Why you didn't call Spence?"

"I didn't have time mom.. Sorry"

"Oh, no.. It's ok. It's just that if I knew I would make something better"

"I like roast as well.. I am good.."

"How are you Spence?"

"Tired dad.. Just tired.."

"Is everything ok?"

"I guess it is.."

"You don't seem like everything is ok" my dad knew me so well.. Beside our fights he could easily read me and we were both the same..

"Whatever that is it will be ok at the end.. So don't worry dad"

I enjoyed my parents company till it was time for them to sleep.. I from the other hand couldn't.. I did go and laid down on my bed though with thoughts of her.. Like her, I was starting questioning myself.. Why I said I would wait for her when she was clearly not ready? Why I was so deep in love when she couldn't return the same love back? Why I was thinking of her and I was crying at the same time? Without knowing I turned on my side and looked outside the window.. At some point I fell asleep..

Days later the situation was the same.. Since I was no longer Aiden's doctor I wasn't around and I couldn't see Ashley.. Instead it was her that was searching for me most of the times.. At night I wouldn't go at her room so pretty much we were seeing each other only a few minutes a day.. Yes, I missed her but I had to keep distance because I was afraid that she would break my heart..

After one month Aiden was ready to leave.. Ashley tried many times to tell me that we wouldn't have time again.. That she would leave.. That she needed me.. But I didn't go by her hotel.. Only the last day before she was ready to leave.. She said that she would wait for me at her room.. And that is where I headed after work..

When I knocked the door she seemed sad but she put her hands around me like she hadn't see me for days.. She held me close and I felt her lips on my neck.. I wanted so much to kiss her but I didn't..

"Thank you for coming.. I missed you.." she said and took my hand guiding me inside.. "Why you were being distant Spence?"

"Because.. I had to.."

"We lost weeks of being together.. Weeks of kissing you and being with you.." and she came closer, sitting right next to me, playing with my fingers.. She was wearing a silk Chinese robe and her hair was down.. She smelled so good.. What she was trying to do?

"How's your husband?"

"Let's not talk about Aiden tonight.. Ok? Please.."

"Ash.."

I didn't say anything else because her lips were on mine.. She was kissing me so passionately that although she took me of guard, I didn't stop it because I wanted to do the same thing exactly.. We were on her bed with her being on top of me kissing me everywhere she could.. I was getting turned on only with her being on top of me.. When she put her hands under my shirt cupping my breasts I was lost.. I was lost in lust and to everything that was her.. I knew what she was doing.. I knew what that night was but I didn't stop it.. Instead I let it happen..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

**Ashley's POV**

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><p>When I saw her I couldn't think anything else but how beautiful she looked like.. I didn't realize how much I missed being around her till she was right here, in front of me.. Looking at me with those piercing blue eyes of hers..<p>

All these days she was being distant and I could understand why.. The situation we were both finding ourselved in wasn't easy.. I needed to chose what to do but the problem was how.. How I could tell Aiden and after that I was thinking the what.. What would happen then? I had all these questions and Spencer wasn't talking to me although I tried many times.. I was starting to believe that I was losing her and only in thought of that I needed to do something and soon..

When she stepped inside the room I didn't have any plans of how the night would go.. No.. If anything the only thing I had in mind was to talk to her, sit right next to her and maybe kiss her if she would let me.. But she was still distant.. Even now that there was no Aiden and we weren't at the hospital she still seemed off.. I can't say that I didn't expect it..

"Thank you for coming.. I missed you.. Why you were being distant Spence?"

"Because.. I had to.."

"We lost weeks of being together.. Weeks of kissing you and being with you.." and it was the truth.. I missed everything of her.. The way she smiled when she was looking at me, the way she was touching me, the feeling of her lips on mine..

"How's your husband?"

"Let's not talk about Aiden tonight.. Ok? Please.."

"Ash.."

And that was it.. I stopped thinking.. I just did what I felt.. I started kissing her from her neck to her lips, whispering in her ear what I wanted to do to her.. And the most surprising thing to me was that she actually kissed me back.. That's all I wanted..

I was on top of her straddling her with each of my thighs on her sides.. My hands caressing her arms and finding their way through her shirt.. She was breathing heavy.. At a moment I looked at her in the eyes and saw the same want, the same lust.. She was still mine.. I didn't know what I was doing.. I never been with a girl before in my life but all came natural, like I knew how to touch her.. Like I always knew.. I lifted her just a little bit so to take her shirt off.. I took a moment to look at her again.. How many times I dreamed of this moment.. And now we were both here..

"Ash.. Are you sure about that?"

"I've never been more sure in my life.." I said and laid on top of her kissing her softly and cupping her breasts.. I felt her hands inside my robe.. Yes, I wasn't wearing anything.. Once she realized that I was laying with my back on the bed and she was licking every part of me.. She didn't remove my robe.. Instead she was there moving it a little so to kiss me more and more closely to my breasts.. Now I was the one who was breathing heavy.. I couldn't think.. I was just laying there with my eyes closed enjoying her lips on my skin..

"Please Spence.. I want you"

She didn't listen to my pleading tone.. Instead she was driving me insane more and more.. She was still with her pants on.. I wanted her naked.. To feel her body on mine.. I wanted to feel how she felt.. To touch her.. I unbuttoned her pants and put down the zipper.. I lifted myself so I could kiss her abs.. Her body was so toned.. I put my hands behind her and put her pants slowly down while touching at the same time her ass.. I removed her bra and now I had her half naked in front of me.. I cupped her right breast and started sucking it slowly trying not to hurt her.. Her nipple was becoming harder and harder with each suck.. Her moans were driving me crazy..

"Mmm.. Aaaasshh" her hands on my head pushing me closer to her.. As much as I wanted to tease her I needed to touch her.. I needed to know how she felt down there.. And that I did.. I put my hand inside her panties and oh my.. I never felt something like that before.. She was so wet..

"You are so.."

"That's what you are doing to me.." and now I was the one being completely naked.. She removed my robe and tossed it on the floor.. With a turn I had her beneath me and I was removing her panties while kissing her abdomen, her thighs and back again.. I laid right next to her and kissed her.. My hand still down on her playing with her wet center.. I knew what I was doing and I wasn't scared not even for a minute.. It was my first time but it felt like it was something I knew very well..

After an hour we both were exhausted after coming three times each.. I never felt something like that before.. Even with Aiden and when we were having sex I didn't feel anything.. With her I was feeling everything.. And I couldn't get enough of her..

"Ash?"

"Yes.."

"Do you regret tonight?" I looked at her because I knew where that thing was coming from..

"Not even for a minute.. I wanted it so much Spence.. I wanted you so much" she stayed quiet while I was laying naked right next to her.. She turned and looked at me and then kissed me softly..

"I love you.. I do.. And I don't regret tonight either incase you were wondering"

"It was my next question"

"I got you first"

Tomorrow I would leave.. I would go back to my old life, back to New York and away from the one person I truly love.. And I don't know if it is possible but after tonight I think I love her more.. Because making love to her brought us even closer.. I shared something of myself with her and she shared something with me.. If we were closer before tonight we became one in a way..

" I don't want this night to end.. I don't want to leave you" I knew it was a sore matter to her.. For both of us.. And her being silent proved it to me again..

"Let's try to sleep.. Tomorrow is tomorrow.. Tonight is just you and me.."

I turned on my side and she spooned me from behind holding my hand on top of my heart that was beating so fast.. I tried to sleep.. But it wasn't easy..

Next morning found us with me spooning her.. Once the light of the window woke me up I realized what today was.. It was a difficult realization.. I hugged her and let my tears fall on her shoulder..

"Hey.. Why are you crying?" she turned and wiped my tears with kisses..

"You know why.."

"Aassh.. yesterday was one of the best nights of my life.. I wish there was more time but there is not.."

"We could have time if you didn't.." I didn't continue because I saw her how she looked at me.. "I am sorry.. I didn't mean it like that.."

"You did.. I want you to understand that me not talking to you and keeping my distance from you was what I needed to keep myself sane.. Do you understand?"

"I think I do.. So what now?"

"Now you go back to your husband, back to your life and hopefully we are going to see each other again soon.."

"And what about us?"

"Ash.. I love you.. You know I do.. And I am very much in love with you.. My heart though can only bare few things.. I want nothing more than to be with you but I can't do that if you are married.. It's not that I am threating you to take a divorce in order to have me.. I am just saying that I can't be your second person.."

"I know.. I promise I'll tell him once he feels good again.."

"Don't make any promises you might not keep"

"I will.. You will see.. Because I want to be with you.. I love you too.."

Leaving her behind again was harder than the first time.. It killed me when we said our goodbyes.. We were both crying and I didn't want to stop kissing her.. I promised her I would write to her and I made her promise that she would do the same.. Now more than ever I wanted to end my marriage with Aiden.. And in a way I cursed myself for marrying him and listening to my parents.. But if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be able to go on war and I wouldn't meet her..

I believe that there are not accidents.. What happens in our life happens for a reason.. The people we meet, the people we fall in love with.. Everything has its purpose..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**

**A/N I don't know if anyone reads that but i wanted to tell you guys that me and a very good friend of mine started a blog.. There is a link to my profile if you want to visit and follow us.. It's more of a discussion board.. We just express our own thoughts about things.. Also we have our own tweeter that we didn't post anything there yet but we will.. It's twofriends1(at)twitter(dot)com I would like to see you there and talk about pretty much everything..**


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

**Spencer's POV**

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><p>It's another morning.. Another month that she is in New York and haven't said anything to Aiden yet.. It's been four months and in every letter she was sending me I was reading the same thing over and over again.. <em>'I tried', 'It wasn't the right moment', 'When I was right about to tell him he said he felt a pain on his chest', 'I am sorry', 'I am sorry', 'I love you'<em>.. I was starting to get tired of her not taken a decision of what she wanted.. Orally she told me many times she wanted us to be together but when she was ready to make that step there wasn't the right time.. And I was still waiting.. Waiting for something I don't know if I'll ever have..

At the hospital work was hectic as always.. I was trying to be there as much as possible because being with my patients and doing what I loved helped me relax and not over think.. It never did me any good anyway..

"Dr Spencer, Chief wants to see you"

"What does he want me?"

"He didn't tell me.. Only to find you and tell you.."

"Ok, thank you Karen"

I was wondering what the chief wanted? I tried to remember if something went wrong but I couldn't.. So I walked to his office trying to relax and hear him what he wanted to say..

"Chief?"

"Spencer.. Come on in.. Sit"

"Karen told me you wanted me.."

"Yes.. Ehm.." he put his glasses on and seemed like he was trying to find something on his pile of papers he had on his office.. "Oh, yes.. Here it is.. Spencer.. Two days ago I received an envelope from Metropolitan Hospital of New York.."

"Ok.. And?"

"They want you.." I stayed quiet for a moment because I wanted to actually take all in what he said.. Metropolitan Hospital wanted me..

"Why?"

"Do you really need to ask that Spencer? You are one of the best.. You are an excellent doctor and.. They would be lucky to have you.."

"I don't know what to say chief.."

"Well.. Take your time and think what is it that you want.. I am going to give you the envelope to read what they said and tell me.. They want an answer in a week.."

"A week? That is so soon.."

"I guess they can't wait to have you.." he got up from his chair and came right next to me.. "Spencer Carlin, you are destined to do great things.. Metropolitan Hospital is the best hospital in the country.. I don't want to lose an excellent doctor but I want to see you as a great surgeon.. And you will be if you go there.. As I said.. Think about it and tell me when you are ready"

"Thanks Chief.. I will try to answer you as soon as possible.. Goodnight"

"Goodnight Spencer.."

I didn't know.. I just couldn't think of what was the right thing to do.. If I would leave I would have to leave my parents and my life here in California but if I would go to New York then Ashley and I would be at the same place.. But would it be for the best?

Instead of going home I decided to go to the bar nearby.. I just wanted to relax and have a drink.. I had lots of things to think about and one person in particular..

"Hey John.."

"Spencer.. It's been a while since I've seen you from last time.."

"I know.. I had lots of work.."

"You doctors never sleep.. I am wondering.. Do you have a personal life?"

"What personal life?"

"I figured.. The regular?"

"Whisky.."

"Tough day?"

"Tough decisions to make.."

John was a great guy.. In his late thirties, having his own bar and single.. I can really say that if I wasn't into women and in love with one of them I would definitely think about going out with him.. Sometimes I was catching myself flirting with him especially when I was drunk..

"So Spencer.. I think you had enough"

"Enough? I had only two"

"You are showing me three fingers Spencer.."

"Ok, maybe three.. But I am good.."

"I don't think you are.." I touched his hand and looked at him in the eyes.. I could be mistaken but he had the same brown eyes like Ashley's

"Trust me.. I am good.."

"It's late.. What you say if I close the bar and we go and buy you a coffee? Then you might want to talk about what's wrong.. Because I haven't seen you like that before.."

"I might say yes to your offer"

"Great.. Wait so I grab my jacket.."

John was right.. I was drunk and I wasn't feeling good.. We didn't go far away.. The coffee shop was near so we walked till there.. John holding me for not to fall down..

"Ok, here we are.. How are you feeling?" I touched my head with both my hands and tried to speak.. I could feel the ceiling turning..

"Not good.."

"Miss.. Miss.. One coffee and really really fast please. And lots of water"

Why I drunk so much? I wasn't used to drinking.. And whisky wasn't my favorite.. Especially doubles.. I just wanted to forget I guess.. Forget everything I had on my mind and was killing me..

Half an hour later and after drinking lots of water and coffee I was starting to feel better but nauseous..

"Better now?"

"Somehow.."

"I should have stopped you in your first.. You don't handle alcohol well"

"Such a smart guy.."

"No need to be ironic Spencer"

"I am sorry.."

"Now, I know we are not in the bar where my place is to actually hear all your problems but I am here if you want to talk to.."

"Thanks.."

I didn't have anyone to talk to.. Or at least not anymore.. Alex besides being my girlfriend she was my friend as well.. I didn't have any friends from the hospital considering most of them were cocky guys.. And my best friend got married, had children and now lives in Canada.. So I didn't have anyone to talk to right now except John..

"They want me to go to New York"

"New York? That's awesome Spencer.. And you drink about that?"

"Actually I drink for a lot of things.."

"So you will be an uptown doctor in New York.. Classy"

"I don't know if I am going to go yet.."

"Why?"

"The other problem is that.. Well.. How to say that.."

"Try to use simple words.."

"Smartass.. Well the other thing is that I am with someone.. Or we are not together.. I don't know what we are and that person is married and lives in New York"

"Oh.."

"Yeah, oh"

"I didn't have you for a person who would be with a married guy.." I had to laugh from inside because it wasn't a guy but a girl.. It made things more complicated..

"Neither did I.."

"So what are you thinking.."

"The truth? I don't know.. I can't think of anything right now.. It's like that I have a cliff right in front of me and a waterfall behind me.. Wherever I go I will fall.." he leaned closer to me and touched both my hands..

"Whatever you decide I am sure it will be the right decision.. No one knows better than you yourself.."

"Thanks John.."

"Now are you ready to go home?"

"What if we sit here and talk a little bit more.. If you don't mind"

"It would be my pleasure Doctor"

And like that the time was 5am and we were two people drinking coffee with other crazy drunk people.. It's been a while since I had a good time and John helped me a lot without knowing.. I had to make a decision.. I just needed to find the right one..

**Aiden's POV**

Coming back to New York felt strange.. Ashley wasn't the same.. Actually she wasn't the same since the first day she came back from war.. The first month I thought it was because of the war.. I am sure it was hard.. But this thing continued.. Most of the times she wouldn't talk, or she would sit by the window reading.. I tried many times to come close to her but instead what I got from her was nothing..

Most of the nights I would wake up because she would turn on her sleep or because she was talking to herself.. And one of those nights she said 'Spencer'.. The morning after I didn't tell her anything.. I didn't tell her about the name she said but I did tell her that she was talking in her sleep.. When I did her first question was 'What did I say?'.. Again I didn't say anything.. My mind didn't go anywhere.. I am sure it was nothing.. But every night after that it was the same name she was screaming.. And then it was the crying..

I remember one day that I came from work earlier.. Rwanda wasn't home and I thought that Ashley was with her.. As I was walking up to our room I heard her crying.. My thought was to go inside and comfort her.. Ask her what was wrong but when I was close to the door I saw her reading a letter and saying again that person's name.. Spencer.. I was curious to see what she would do next.. Once she wiped her tears she put carefully the letter inside the envelope and opened a box and put it there in her dresser.. What she was hiding from me.. Before she sees me I walked inside the room and surprised her..

I wanted to trust her.. I wanted to believe that although she wasn't in love with me I wanted to believe that she wouldn't cheat on me.. That she didn't meet anyone there.. But I wasn't that sure anymore.. Not after I found the box and saw the letters.. They were too many.. I shouldn't have searched in her things but I wanted some answers that she couldn't give me if I asked her..

The last months I had to travel to California because of my job.. Ashley and I were being distant a little bit.. Especially when I read one or two letters of hers and that Spencer guy being from California didn't help my trips to that place.. I could see in her face the want to come with me when I was leaving.. I couldn't help but to think.. Was that person alive? Did she talk with him all this long? Every trip I made was making me more and more suspicious.. Till I had a heart attack and I stayed there for a month..

Ashley came the very next day of what happened and I was glad that she cared about me.. When she met with my doctor I saw her face glowing.. I couldn't put my finger why she was glowing.. Dr Carlin was an excellent doctor and she did a great job.. But every time Dr Carlin was inside the room Ashley was looking at her the way she never looked at me.. I understood why a few days later when one of the nurses told me about Dr Carlin and that she was on war.. And especially when Ashley spelled her name.._ Spencer.. _Could it be the same person? It would explain a lot.. But how could it be possible? Ashley and Dr Carlin? Spencer wasn't a guy as I thought but a girl? Now I was more confused like I never been all these months.. And Ashley wasn't at ease either.. I wanted to find out what was all this about.. And I would.. One way or another..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

**Ashley's POV**

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><p>Coming back to New York felt like it wasn't my home.. Like I didn't grow up here.. And being with Aiden after everything that happened between Spencer and I that night didn't make it in easier for me.. I was distant and I didn't want to be around him.. But from the other hand he was the same as well and when he looked at me I could see that he knew something because he was acting all strange..<p>

I promised to myself that I would try to tell him.. It wouldn't be easy but I wanted to be with her..

Once we were back home Aiden disappeared into our room without saying anything.. He didn't even talk to Rwanda.. I could blame it to the jet lag but it wasn't that.. I informed Rwanda about the surgery and what happened and I went upstairs to take a shower and relax.. Aiden still laying on our bed being silent..

Days were coming and going and the situation was getting better.. At least now Aiden was actually talking to us.. He started spending more time at his work and he would come back late at night.. I started wondering what was his case and whenever I would go to ask him he would just say not the right time..

I was writing a letter to Spencer every week as I promised her but I was hating myself for not having something to tell her.. Like he knew what I wanted to say and he didn't want me to.. I tried so many times and when I finally was ready to insist of him hearing me he said that he felt a pain on his chest.. I wanted nothing more than to finish it but I didn't want to be the one who would cause him pain and be responsible for anything that would happen.. I was starting to believe that what I promised to Spencer I wouldn't be able to commit and I was afraid that she wouldn't wait for me.. I was trapped in a golden cage..

"Ashley? Ashley? Are you here?"

"I am upstairs"

It was past 9 and usually Aiden was back home after ten.. What he was doing early tonight?

"Hey"

"Hey, you are back home early"

"I wasn't feeling that well and I decided to come home instead"

"Good then"

"I am going to take a shower and I want to tell you something"

"Ok"

What could Aiden want? I wish he could discuss with me everything that was going on between us.. I wish he could give an easy way out.. But I guess that was a wishful thinking..

Fifteen minutes later Aiden was inside the room and under covers with me being all serious..

"What do you want to tell me Aiden?"

"On Saturday night there is the annual charity gala of Metropolitan Hospital and we are invited.."

"From whom?"

"My friend Michael is the president of the council. Do you know Michael?"

"Not really.. So we have to go?"

"Yes.."

"Aiden I want us to talk.."

"About?"

"I think you know what is it about.."

"After the charity gala we will.. Now lets sleep because I have to wake up early tomorrow"

When we said goodnight I turned on my side and thought of Spencer.. I haven't received a letter from her the last two weeks although I did send her one as I always did.. I would wait for Saturday to come so I could talk with Aiden after that.. I knew what I had to do now..

Saturday night came really fast and I found myself holding Aiden's arm walking the steps and smiling to all the classy women and men that where there as well.. I was wearing a long black dress with my hair down in curls and the diamond necklace my grandma gave me when I was fifteen years old..

"Aiden.. I am glad you made it.."

"Thank you for inviting us Michael"

"And won't you introduce me to your lovely wife?"

"Of course.. Michael this is Ashley.."

"Very pleased to meet you.. I hope you enjoy the night.. Now if you excuse me I have to go and welcome the others.."

I never liked galas.. Snobby people everywhere, gossiping, looking at each other, discussing and while they were smiling at you when you would turn your back they would say the worse..

"Ashley, I am going to say hello to some gentlemen there.. Do you want to come?"

"No, you can go.. I will go and grab a drink.."

"Ok.."

In this gala were pretty much all the wannabes, the money, and everyone you could think about..

"Ashley? Is that you? I didn't expect to see you here.. Although I heard that you were back from war.. How was it there?"

"Joan.. Yes its me.. Surprise surprise.. I am here.. Yes, I am back from war and it was horrible.. Did I answer all your questions?"

"And where is your husband?"

"He is saying hello to some friends of his.."

"You are so lucky to have him.. Oh, Catherine hi.. Nice to see you Ashley.. Now if you excuse me.."

Joan was one of the women I despised.. And of course she would be here since she was married to a doctor.. A surgeon if I might say..

I tried to find an escape but in these things the only escape was usually the balconies..

While I was walking to the balcony I saw Aiden talking with Michael and few others.. My eyes though stopped to a blond woman they were talking to.. I didn't stay though.. I walked to the balcony as it was my plan from the beginning..

It was beautiful outside.. Not too cold not too hot.. Seeing the people walking and the lights from the buildings.. It was soothing.. And while I was being here my mind was in California.. I was thinking of Spencer and what she was doing right now.. I couldn't wait for tomorrow and the talk I would have with Aiden..

I sat outside for maybe ten minutes.. It was all I needed to escape from all these people.. When I got back I went by Aiden's side where he was still talking with Michael..

"Ashley, where were you? I tried to find you"

"I was outside Aiden.. Did you want anything?"

"No, its ok.."

"Aiden told me about you being a pilot and coming from war almost a year ago.. I am sure it was an experience Mrs Dennison"

"You can call me Ashley.. And it was.."

"So what do you think about tonight?"

"It is nice set.." I saw him looking at someone behind me but I didn't turn "Doctor.. I want you to meet someone.." and then I turned.. And it was the blond woman I saw earlier talking with Aiden and Michael.. And it was Spencer.. "Doctor Carlin will be here with us.. She is our new surgeon.. Doctor Carlin I am sure you know Mrs Dennison"

We looked at each other but I was the one who was surprised.. What she was doing here? And why she didn't tell me? What was going on? And why Aiden was looking at me..?

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

**Spencer's POV**

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><p>Everything happened really fast.. After I found out that the Metropolitan Hospital wanted me as a surgeon I thought about it really hard and discussed it with my parents.. Of course coming back from war and leaving again they didn't like it but they were proud of me and wanted me to do what was the best for me.. And that I did..<p>

By the end of the week I was already in New York.. For once I didn't think of Ashley.. I didn't bother to send her a letter to tell her that I was here.. I was so fed up with everything that was going on between us.. If she send me a letter probably I wouldn't receive it since it would go to my parents house.. Now I had other things to think about and that was my new job in New York..

I stayed in a hotel for a few days.. The people I talked to in the board told me that they would find an apartment for me since I didn't have any time to search.. So once I was there the next day I was already working at the hospital..

It was harder than the hospital in California.. If I didn't sleep there imagine here.. Metropolitan was one of the best hospitals in the States and it was very demanding.. They had new treatments, they were doing surgeries I didn't know and I found myself reading like I was in college again.. But I liked it.. It was what I wanted since I remembered myself..

My second week in New York, Michael Hurst the President of the Board, informed me about the annual gala the hospital was holding.. I never been to one before and I wasn't sure if I was needed there because I was new.. I would rather stay home and read.. But as a doctor of this hospital I had to, as Mr Hurst said..

So on Saturday night not later than 8pm I was walking the steps to the building.. Being in New York for the first time it was kind of difficult for me to get used to my surroundings..

"Dr Carlin.. It's so nice to see you coming tonight"

"Hello Mr Hurst.. Thank you.."

"I am sorry but I have to be here and welcome my guests.. You will find other doctors inside as well.." I made a step to go inside when he called my name again "Dr Carlin.. How's your apartment? Is everything ok?"

"Yes, its wonderful. Thank you very much"

"My pleasure.. Hello Mrs Culkin.. Hope you have a good night.." I was wondering.. What exactly Mr Hurst was? A man doing PR or the President of the Board?

When I walked inside the place was crowed.. All people dressed formal, women wearing necklaces that cost a billion, cocky men, everything that I despised.. I found myself walking to the bar to grab a drink when I felt someone sitting right next to me..

"Hello.. Is this seat taken?"

"Can you see anyone sitting?"

"No"

"So no one is sitting there.. A dry martini please" I didn't even look at the guy who was sitting next to me but his cologne was driving me insane.. It smelled like patchouli..

"My name is Patrick" he said and gave me his hand to shake.. I wasn't rude.. So I gave him my hand.. "And what is your lovely name?" once the barman gave me my drink I excused myself and left.. I really wasn't here to flirt.. Especially with a man.. And especially with this man..

"Excuse me.."

While I was trying to find a peaceful place to sit I felt someone touch my arm.. It was one of the doctors I was working with.. Actually one of our surgeons and one of the best.. Nicholas Lopez..

"Hello Spencer.. How are you?"

"I am good Dr Lopez.. And how are you?"

"You can call me Nick.. Dr Lopez makes me feel old.. And I am not that old"

"Of course you are not.. But I can't Dr Lopez.. Thank you though.."

"Well in time maybe you will.. It's your first time to something like that?"

"Is that so obvious?"

"You seem lost.."

"And that I am.."

"It's my eight year being a doctor here.. And counting.." while we were talking I saw a woman coming to where we were standing ready to pull my hair out.. I could see it in her eyes..

"Nick.. Won't you introduce me?"

"Of course.. Spencer this is my wife Joan.. Joan this is Dr Spencer Carlin.. One of our new surgeons at the hospital"

"Nice to meet you Mrs Lopez.." I said very politely and gave her my hand to shake only when she took it it was like she was shaking a pig's tale..

"Yeah, I don't know if I can say the same.."

"Joan.." Dr Lopez said really firm and I am sure that something was going on that I wasn't aware off.. "Don't you have somewhere else to go? One of your friends to gossip about?"

"And leave you here to flirt with any girl you see?" I couldn't not believe in my ears.. The nerve this woman had.. I guess what I heard all these years about New York women was right..

"Dr Lopez.. If you excuse me.."

"No Spencer.. Wait.. Joan, we are going to talk later.." and like that we left behind us the fuming Mrs Lopez..

The gala started at 9pm with Mr Hurst giving a speech about poverty in New York and how this hospital managed to treat people of all classes..

At some point I found myself introduced to so many people that I couldn't remember their names.. It was like I was their proud and joy.. There was only one name that I managed to keep and that because I already knew him.. It was Aiden Dennison..

The moment I was talking with Dr Lopez Mr Hurst came with Aiden right next to him..

"Dr Carlin, I want you to meet Aiden Dennison.. Aiden this is.."

"Dr Spencer Carlin.. Nice to see you here.."

"You two know each other?"

"Well Michael, Dr Carlin was the doctor who did the surgery on me.."

"Spencer? How small the world is.."

"Yes it is.." I managed to say and it sounded more as a whisper..

"Dr Carlin, you are in New York.. I didn't expect to see you here"

"Neither did I Mr Dennison.."

"You can call me Aiden.. I am not your patient any more and I was a patient at your hospital for a month.. So I guess being formal is not needed.."

"I guess you are right.." while I was talking to them I was wondering what if Ashley was here.. Of course she would be.. It was a gala so I don't think Aiden would be here by himself.. I couldn't ask him though.. That would be so obvious.. Instead Mr Hurst asked him for me..

"And where is Ashley, Aiden?"

"I don't know.. I haven't seen her.. She might be around.."

"Do you know Ashley Dennison, Dr Carlin?"

"Of course she does.." Aiden said and I looked at him.. He seemed different.. Strange in a way.. "Ashley was at the hospital for the whole month I was there.. So of course Dr Carlin knows her.. Maybe too well.."

"That's great then.."

I couldn't help but wonder what he meant by 'maybe too well'.. What Aiden knew and what was going on? I was starting to want to see Ashley and ask her some things..

I was talking to some people when I was being pulled away again from Mr Hurst so he could introduce me again to someone I didn't know.. Only that I did.. And she was gorgeous..

"Doctor.. I want you to meet someone.. Doctor Carlin will be here with us.. She is our new surgeon.. Spencer, I am sure you know Mrs Dennison"

She looked surprised seeing me here and why wouldn't she? I was here without telling her anything.. In her eyes I could see all the possible questions she wanted to ask me..

"Of course I do.. Hello Mrs Dennison.. How are you?" I said and gave her my hand.. She shook it while looking at me straight in my eyes.. Aiden came right next to her and put his hand behind her, holding her..

"Is it nice that Spencer is here Ashley?"

"Yes.. I guess it is.. How come you came here Dr Carlin?"

"As I said to Spencer there is no need for formalities.. Don't you think sweetheart? Spencer is no longer my doctor and before we leave from there you were already calling her by her name.."

I was looking at them and I was sure that something was going on between them that wasn't good.. Aiden was acting strange..

"Aiden.. I think I saw John somewhere.. Come with me.. Excuse me ladies.." saved by the bell.. Once we left alone Ashley was still looking at me like I was an illusion..

"Why you didn't tell me Spencer?"

"Tell you what exactly Ashley?"

"That you were coming here.. That you would work here.. Why you didn't tell me?"

"Because I had other things to think about.. I guess if I wanted to tell you I always knew where to find you"

"If you wanted to tell me? What do you mean by that?" she came closer to me and her eyes were telling another story..

"Can we not talk about that right here when everyone is looking at us right now?"

"Find me in the bathroom in ten minutes.."

"Ashley, I don't think we should.."

"I'll be there waiting.." she said and left for I thought it was the bathroom..

I thought about not going as I thought about going as well.. We couldn't have this discussion here.. Especially when we were surrounded by people we both knew.. But I did find her in the bathroom in ten minutes as she said.. Once I opened the door and she was sure it was me she grabbed my hand and pulled me inside one of the bathroom stalls closing the door behind us.. She started kissing me so passionately and I couldn't help but do the same.. But I knew what we were doing was wrong.. It was wrong from the beginning..

"Ash, please stop.." she didn't.. Instead she kept kissing me.. "Ashley.. I said stop.."

"What? What is going on Spence?"

"What is going on? Really? Let me tell you what is going on.. Four months after and you are still with Aiden.. And you want to kiss me like nothing is wrong.."

"I tried so many times.. I think he knows something Spence.."

"You tried.. I guess you haven't tried enough.."

"Please don't say that.."

"I am tired of waiting Ashley.. I really am.."

"What?"

"You heard me.."

"I can't go and tell him I am in love with a girl and guess what its Spencer.."

"I never asked you to do something like that.. But.. I just can't do it anymore.. I don't know if I can wait for you to decide when it is going to be the right time to tell Aiden that you don't want to be with him.."

"I told him we would discuss it tomorrow.."

I opened the door and didn't stop while she was calling my name for me to stop.. As much I loved her, as much as I wanted nothing else but to be in her arms and kiss her, all this situation was starting to tire me.. I don't know what was hurting me more.. The fact that she wasn't trying enough for us to be together or the fact that I would lose her eventually..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	29. Chapter 29

**Again.. Sorry for the delay but i didn't feel like writing and i would rather write something that is good and not crap.. Hope the chapter worth the delay..**

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><p><strong>Chapter 29<strong>

**Ashley's POV**

When I saw Spencer I was confused, I was surprised and I was wondering how and why she was here.. After Michael told me she would work as a doctor here I felt exited that I would have here, near me, but at the same time scared.. Scared that now it was final.. I had to face Aiden either I was ready or not.. And most of all I was scared to how I would tell him.. But now all I could see was her, looking at me but I couldn't see the same flame her eyes had before I leave from California.

"Why you didn't tell me Spencer?"

"Tell you what exactly Ashley?"

"That you were coming here.. That you would work here.. Why you didn't tell me?"

"Because I had other things to think about.. I guess if I wanted to tell you I always knew where to find you"

"If you wanted to tell me? What do you mean by that?"

"Can we not talk about that right here when everyone is looking at us right now?"

"Find me in the bathroom in ten minutes.."

"Ashley, I don't think we should.."

"I'll be there waiting.."

She was being distant and I could feel that she didn't want to see me or talk to me.. I knew that what was afraid soon it would happen and I had to act.. I didn't expect to see her coming in the bathroom.. I was just hoping that she would.. Knowing that no one was here I took her inside and started kissing her.. I shouldn't but this was what I wanted.. I missed her.. But when she pushed me away I knew that something was wrong.. And it was my fault..

She was tired of waiting.. She didn't want to try anymore.. In her way she was telling me that what was going on between us was nothing.. And when I told her that I would talk to Aiden she didn't turn back.. Instead she opened the door and left.. Never looking back at me while I was calling her name even if some women did turn their head looking at me..

All night I didn't see her not once being alone.. She was always surrounded by people talking to her.. Mostly men.. They were all over her and I could see how they were looking at her.. I wanted to go there and put my hand behind her back and claim her as mine but I couldn't.. And the fact that she didn't even look at me once was hurting me so much.. I guess that was my consequence.. I waited too long and I took her for granted.. I shouldn't..

At 2am in the morning we said our goodnights to Michael and some other people Aiden knew and we headed home.. I tried to find her but she was nowhere to be found.. I didn't know where she was living, I didn't know if we were together anymore, I didn't know what to do.. I only knew where she was working and it was the only place where I could find her..

The ride back home was silent.. Aiden didn't say a word to me till we were back home.. Earlier that morning he told me we would discuss everything tomorrow but I didn't know if I could wait anymore..

"Mrs Ashley, Mr Aiden.."

"Rwanda.. Why are you still up?"

"I was waiting for you.. Just in case you wanted something Mrs Ashley"

"We are ok Rwanda.. You should go back to your bedroom and sleep.. Thank you anyway"

"Goodnight Rwanda.. We are ok.." Aiden said and went upstairs..

A few minutes later I heard the water running from the bathroom and I knew he was inside.. I stayed downstairs till he was finished and reading a book.. I wasn't feeling tired and I didn't know if I could sleep either way.. Especially after tonight.. That's when I heard him coming downstairs and going at the kitchen..

"Are you coming?"

"I am going to take a shower first and I will.."

"Ok. Goodnight.."

"Aiden.."

"Yes.."

"I want us to talk tomorrow.."

"Goodnight Ashley"

It was obvious that he knew something but I didn't know what was it that he knew exactly.. Could he really know about me and Spencer? And how was that possible?

Indeed I took my shower and wore my robe but I didn't go to my room.. Instead I went downstairs and sat by the window looking outside the street.. I just wanted to be alone.. Me and my thoughts..

"Mrs Ashley? What are you doing still up?"

"Rwanda.. You scared me.."

"I am sorry Mrs.. I didn't want to.."

"It's ok.. Why are you still up?"

"I wanted to grab some water and I saw you sitting here.. Are you ok?" she said and came to sit right next to me.. Was I ok? No..

"Not really.."

"Is Mr Aiden?"

"It's everything.."

"I might not speak but I can see.. I could feel that something was wrong.. Since the day you came back.."

Rwanda was like a mother to me.. A mother I never had.. I found myself getting up from where I was sitting and crying on her lap.. I don't remember when was the last time I cried so hard.. Her hands on my hair stroking them trying to relax me and asking me all the time what was wrong.. Could I really tell her what was wrong? Could I really tell her that I was in love with a girl and I wanted to be with her..?

"Mrs Ashley.. You are scaring me.. What is wrong?"

"Oh Rwanda.. I don't know what to do.. I don't know.. I just don't know.."

"You are not in love with Mr Aiden.." she said and put her hand on my chin making me look at her.. I didn't answer.. I just nodded.. "Have you ever been in loved with him?"

"No.."

"I understand.."

"Do you? Can you really understand how I feel? Because my heart right now is broken into pieces.."

"Mrs Ashley, I understand how difficult it is to stand up to your parents and say that you don't want the man they wanted you to marry.. Unfortunately that's what women are supposed to do in our time.. Mr Aiden is a good man.. One of the few I ever met in my life.. He is kind and he really loves you.. Maybe you are not in love with him now but you might love him in the future.." I stood up and started passing back and forth..

"You don't understand Rwanda.. I could never ever love Aiden that way.. Or any man that is.." I whispered the last sentence.. It was the first time I was admitting it not only to myself but to someone else as well..

"What did you say?"

"I can't love Aiden because I love someone else.."

"I see.. I don't know what to tell you Mrs Ashley.."

"Thank you for listening to me.. It means a lot.."

"Mrs Ashley.. You are like a daughter to me.. I want you to be happy.. So do what your heart tells you to do.."

I walked to where she was sitting and hugged her giving her a kiss and wishing her goodnight.. When I went upstairs Aiden was already asleep.. And that I tried to do as well..

When I woke up next morning and looked at Aiden's side he wasn't sleeping next to me.. I checked the watch and it was 9am.. Usually he wasn't up till 10am on Sunday mornings.. I put my robe and went downstairs..

"Goodmorning Mrs Ashley"

"Goodmorning Rwanda.. Did you see Aiden?"

"Yes, he left an hour ago.. He didn't tell me where he was going"

"I see.."

"Do you want me to make you breakfast?"

"No I am good.. I am going to drink an orange juice.. Thank you"

I did pretty much everything.. I helped Rwanda with cooking, I read my book, I went for a walk in central park but Aiden came back home after 5pm..

"Hello Mr Aiden.." Rwanda said and took his hat.. "Have you eaten anything? I cooked your favorite today"

"No, I am ok Rwanda.. I already ate.. Hi Ashley"

"Hello.." He made a step to go upstairs but I needed to have the talk we said we would.. And I had a feeling that he didn't want to have this talk with me.. "If you have time I want us to have that talk Aiden.."

"Later.. There is something I need to do right now.."

"Ok.."

Later came after 9pm.. All this time he was upstairs to his office doing I don't know what.. He came down round 9.30pm and found me in the living room.. He went straight to the bar and put a glass of whisky for him..

"Do you want anything?"

"No, thank you"

He sat on the couch in the opposite of me and took his first sip..

"Aiden.. We need to talk.."

"Le me think.. Is it something that has to do with you and someone else? Something that happened during the years you were away? The fact that you came back completely changed? Pick one" his tone was harsh but I couldn't say anything.. It was understandable..

"You and me is not working.."

"It never did.. Since the beginning.. I knew you didn't love me the way I did but I believed that someday you would.."

"I don't know what to say.."

"Let me do the talk then.. Why Ashley? What have I done wrong that you had to treat me like that.. Make me look like a fool?"

"I didn't.."

"I was here, waiting for my wife to come back from war, worrying every day about you.. About you safety.. Being on your side when someone would tell me that I was crazy that I had my wife there.. And you? You met someone else.."

"What are you saying?"

"You know very well what I am saying Ashley.." it was now or never.. I had my chance to tell him everything.. But I didn't know how to tell him about Spencer..

"I did.. I met someone else while I was there.. I didn't mean for this to happen but it happened and I couldn't control it.."

"You couldn't control it?" he made a sarcastic laugh "Have you cheated on me?"

"Yes"

"How many times"

"One.. But I kissed that person more than once"

"Is it Spencer?" he caught me off guard.. How he knew? "You, not saying anything just make you feel guilty you know.. A woman?" he said really loud and I am sure Rwanda heard him back in her room.. "A woman Ashley? Are you crazy? What were you thinking? You cheated on me with a woman.." he stood up and threw his glass on the wall.. I never seen him like that before.. It was someone else.. Not the Aiden I knew..

"Mr Aiden, Mrs Ashley is everything ok?"

"Go inside Rwanda.. Now" Aiden said really loud, ready to explode.. Rwanda looked at me and I just nodded.. This was between me and Aiden..

"Aiden, I don't know what to tell you.. All I can say its that is not your fault.. It's something that happened but I guess I always felt like that.. I am sorry.. I really am.."

He was standing with his back facing me, his right hand on the wall supporting his body.. He didn't look at me.. Instead he opened the door and went out.. And I from the other hand stayed back crying.. Crying for the choices I made, crying for the people I hurt.. Crying for the people I was losing..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	30. Chapter 30

**The Queen: I guess we are going to find out if she will or not..**

**Spashly: Aiden was hurt yes, being a jerk is normal after everything, but i guess we are going to find out everything..**

**Bo: I feel sorry for Ashley as well but it was her choices who brought her there..She didn't do anything after she came back from war but i guess now she will have to..  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 30<strong>

**Ashley's POV**

I couldn't believe what was happening.. After so long, after so many months of waiting, Aiden finally knew and although I was scared to death when he told me about me and Spencer inside I was feeling relieved that everything was clear now.. From the other hand I didn't want everything to happen like this.. I didn't want to hurt him the way I did but I couldn't hide anything anymore.. Especially now that Spencer was here..

Aiden didn't come back after the talk we had.. I didn't know where he was. I am not a hurtles bitch.. I cared for him and I didn't want anything bad to happen.. Especially the way he stormed out after he found out..

"Mrs Ashley, are you ok?"

"I think so.."

"I am going to make you a hot tea and I'll come and sit here with you.."

"Thank you Rwanda.."

I sat by the window.. It was my favorite place in here.. Rwanda came after ten minutes with a blanket and my tea on her hands.. She covered me and sat right next to me..

"What did you hear Rwanda?"

"I heard everything.. Mr Aiden couldn't hide his anger.."

"And what do you have to say about what have been said?"

"I don't know Mrs Ashley.. I don't know what to tell you.."

"Rwanda.. I wasn't in love with Aiden, I would never be.. Instead I fell in love with a girl and she holds my heart.."

"I don't.. Mrs Ashley, I can't tell you what is right and what is wrong.. All I can tell you is do what makes you happy.. But I am afraid for you.. I saw people being hurt for less reasons than being in love with a woman or a man.. Take me for example.. My people being killed, hung, just because of our color.. People can be very mean.."

"I know.. It's not that I am not scared either but I couldn't continue living a lie.. I couldn't do this.. I did for a year and it was hurting not only me but Spencer as well.."

"And is this Spencer a good person?"

"She is.. She is amazing.. But, I don't know where tomorrow will find us.. She is not talking to me.."

"Go talk to her.."

"That's what I am going to do tomorrow.. I'll go find her at the hospital.."

"Hospital?"

"She is a doctor.. A surgeon"

"I hope everything to go well Mrs Ashley.. Just be careful.. Mr Aiden didn't seem himself.."

"I will.."

I told Rwanda that I was ok and she should go back to bed and sleep.. I couldn't sleep.. And I didn't.. Instead I sat there thinking everything that happened.. Everything that might happen.. Was I prepared? No..

It was after 7am when I saw him coming back.. He looked at me and went straight upstairs without even saying anything.. I wanted to go up as well but instead I stayed where I was waiting for everything to happen..

I was listening to a lot of noise coming from our room and I was wondering what he was doing there.. I decided to go upstairs and face him eventually, face anything that he would say.. When I was right outside our room I saw him throwing things inside a luggage and giving me one of the most harsh looks I ever seen..

"What are you doing?" he didn't answer me back.. "Aiden.."

"I want you out of this house.. You and I, its over.."

"Aiden.."

"How could you? Really.. Why you played me so hard? Just because you knew I was in love with you? Just because you wanted an easy way out?"

"Aiden, please.. Let me explain to you.."

"You have nothing to say to me that can explain what you did.. And I don't want you to.." I realized that the clothes he was putting inside that luggage was mine.. He was throwing me out..

"Where I am going to go?"

"To your girlfriend.. It's not that you don't have a place to stay.. Especially now that she is here.." he said and threw the luggage at me leaving me standing there, crying..

I opened the luggage and I took out a dress to wear.. While I was putting inside things I saw my letters.. Spencer's letters on my bed.. My heart stopped.. That would explain everything.. His behavior the last month, how he knew about me and Spencer.. I left my things there and went downstairs to find him.. He was drinking a glass of whisky..

"How could you to do this? You read my letters? This is personal"

"Are you fucking kidding me? You have the nerve coming here telling me that I read you letters? After everything that you did?"

"These were mine.. It was my letters.."

"Then you shouldn't left them on our bed for me to read.."

"What are you saying?" he put his glass down and walked to where I was standing.. I was afraid that he might do something..

"Let's start from the beginning.. You coming home from war, you crying every night saying Spencer's name, you leaving one of her letters on the bed, you in California.. Up until then I didn't know that Spencer was a girl.. I thought it was a guy you met there.. But seeing you with her, I don't know.. It just clicked.. I saw you how you were looking at her.. I saw you both how you were reacting with each other.. And that's when I knew.."

"Why you didn't say anything all this long?"

"I was just hoping it wasn't true.." and then it clicked me.. Spencer in New York, working at Metropolitan Hospital.. Aiden knew a lot of people there.. Could he really?

"It was you.. You brought Spencer here.. I don't believe that you would do anything like that.."

"What? Are you crazy?"

"You brought Spencer here to punish me or something?"

"You really start losing it.. Why I would do something like that? Like I would make it easier for you to be with your _girlfriend_"

"I don't believe you.."

"Believe anything you want.." he stood up and walked to the door.. Without looking at me he said.. "When I come back I don't want to see you here.."

Rwanda came from behind me and hugged me.. I turned and cried on her shoulders.. What I would do from now on?

"Mrs Ashley.. Go find Ms Spencer.. You need to talk to her.. Tell her everything"

"I will.. I will go now.."

I managed to calm myself, grabbed my handbag and went to Metropolitan Hospital to find her.. All the way there I was thinking what I would say to her.. And most of all I was hoping that now that I was free we could be together the way she wanted.. The way we wanted..

"Goodmorning, ehm.. Is doctor Carlin here yet?"

"What is your name miss?"

"Ashley Dennison.. I am a friend of hers.."

"She is here.. Her office is on the sixth floor.. They will tell you which one.. There is a chance she is not there though.."

"I will wait.. Thank you.."

Taking the elevator to the sixth floor my heart was aching.. What if she didn't want to hear what I had to say, what if it was over between us, what if.. Once the door was open I was walking to I don't know where when I heard a woman's voice..

"Miss, miss.. Excuse me.. Where are you going?"

"Oh, I am sorry.. I am looking for Dr Carlin.. Is she here?"

"She is doing her rounds.. And you are?"

"Ashley Dennison. A friend of hers"

"Do you have any medical problem?"

"No, I just want to see her.."

"Sit there and when I see her I will tell her.."

"Thank you.."

I was waiting for her for an hour, then two, the three.. I asked the nurse a couple of times if she saw Spencer and told her I was here but every time I was getting the same answer _'she is with a patient', 'she is in the OR'. _I wanted to believe that she wasn't avoiding me but inside I knew that that was the case..

"Excuse me miss.. Tell Dr Carlin that I have to go.."

"I am sorry Mrs Dennison"

"It's ok.. Thank you"

Going home I couldn't help but wonder where I would go.. My parents disowned me.. Opening the door it was a good thing that Aiden wasn't back yet considering that his car wasn't outside.. I went inside and I found Rwanda at the kitchen cooking..

"I didn't talk to her.. She couldn't.."

"I am sorry to hear that.."

"Rwanda, what am I going to do? Where am I going to stay?"

"Mrs Ashley, I might know a place to stay but it's not for a lady like you.. This is where I was staying before.."

"Tell me.. It's not I have a better solution.."

"It's a shelter down to Brooklyn.."

"A shelter.."

"I have some friends there.. I can talk to them and then maybe you could go there"

"Thanks Rwanda.. I am going to stay to a hotel for two days.. I have some money with me.. I will come by tomorrow when Aiden won't be here.. Thank you for everything"

"I wish things were easier.."

"Nothing it's easy in this life Rwanda.. We just hope it is going to be.."

I took my luggage and didn't look back.. It was like I was leaving behind the person I used to be.. Someone that was untrue to herself and to others.. Tomorrow would be harder than today..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

**Spencer's POV**

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><p>After the charity gala I didn't see Ashley again.. She tried to come in contact with me but I wasn't ready to see her or talk to her.. And that because if I did I would easily fall for her charm, I would kiss her and then I would wait for her and her decisions.. I couldn't.. Not anymore..<p>

She came to find me at the hospital a couple of times.. Besides that I didn't want to see her I put myself into work so much that sometimes I was forgetting to go home as.. I was trying to convince myself not to think of her.. I tried hard but every time it was more and more difficult not to..

I sat down myself and thought if I wanted to hear her excuses.. I was sure that her wanted to see me that much was another of her come and go games.. She wanted me but she couldn't be with me.. She loved me but she wasn't ready to tell Aiden that it was over between them.. At some point I realized that I had to protect my heart.. And I decided that the only way it would be not to give her time but to give myself time to realize how I wanted to move on from on.. The only clear thing in my mind was that I really loved her and that I wanted to be with her.. But not like that..

After the fifth day coming at the hospital and me refusing to see her she didn't come again.. She didn't know where I was staying so actually finding her on my doorsteps would be hard to see.. I can't say though that I didn't miss her trying.. Knowing that she was coming to see me every day but now she wasn't made me think that at least I meant something to her.. And now that I am thinking of that I clearly don't know what I want.. Maybe I wanted to punish her for making me wait, maybe I wanted to push her away to see if she cared enough to stay.. I don't know.. I wish that things were different..

A month and my life didn't change pretty much.. I was doing what I was meant to do.. Being a doctor and having no personal life whatsoever.. My day consisted of waking up at 7am and usually going home the next day, sleep for five hours and then back to the hospital.. In this hospital I met wonderful people.. People that day by day I was coming close to.. Even with the nurses.. It was easy.. I don't know why back in California it didn't feel like that.. It was supposed to be the opposite, since I was working to one of the best hospitals.. But no.. The male doctors were amazing and some of the women for once were not jealous.. Some.. Not all..

"Dr Calin.. You have a patient on examination room 6.."

"And what is with the patient?"

"He came half an hour ago with pain on his chest.. There are no doctors right now.. Dr Mendez is in the OR and.."

"No, its ok Izzy.. Thank you.. I am going to check on him.."

"Here you are" she said and gave me the chart of his history..

I opened the curtain while looking at the chart and then I realized who the patient was..

"Aiden.."

"You.. Nice.." he said with an ironic tone on his voice.. I am sure I would feel the same if this was happening to me as well.. I didn't let him though get me.. I was a doctor and he was my patient..

"Ehm, I see that you came here with pain on your chest.."

"I want another doctor.."

"Aiden, you are in a hospital.. You can't choose doctors.." he gets up from the bed and tries to go but I stop him before he does anything else.. I don't know why he was being like that.. "Stop acting like that.. What's wrong with you?"

"I told you.. I want another…" he stops his sentence in the middle and put his hand on his chest trying to breathe.. He was having a mini heart attack..

"Izzy, Nicole, come here.." we lay him down and put a mask of oxygen on his face with me trying to give him the right treatment.. "Try to relax.." he was looking at me straight on my eyes.. Like he was telling me with that way everything that he couldn't tell me with his voice.. "Thank you ladies. I am going to stay here and check his vitals. If I need you I'll call you.."

"Ok, dr Carlin"

After an hour and me being next to him checking how he reacted to the drugs I gave him he managed to open his eyes and move his hand to take off the mask.. I did it for him..

"Are you feeling better?"

"Why you always save me? Why you are not letting me die? Why?"

"Aiden, I am a doctor.. I made an oath.."

"Why it has to be you? Why? You stole my wife from me.. She loves you more than she would ever love me.. Why?"

"I did what?" he was delirious from the drugs.. That's for sure..

"Ashley, and you.. You.. A woman.. And she is a woman.. And she loves you.. And you stole her from me.."

"Aiden what are you saying?" and now he was crying.. I have to say that I saw a lot of men cry while being a doctor in France.. And I can't say that I wasn't wondering what on earth he was saying..

"I shouldn't let her go.. I shouldn't.." he was crying and I think I heard him wrong but I didn't..

"What have you done Aiden?"

"I threw her out.."

Once I heard him saying these words I needed some time to realize that Ashley was coming here to tell me what happened between her and Aiden.. To tell me that it was over between them.. And every time she was coming I was refusing to see her..

And where was she? Where she was staying? And why Aiden was such a jerk?

"Aiden?.. Aiden.. Look at me.." he was still under the influence of the drugs and although it wasn't professional I was taking the advantage I had.. "Where is Ashley now?"

"Don't know.. I don't know.."

"Look at me.. You don't know or you don't remember?"

"Don't know.. Where is she? Do you know?"

"No, Aiden.. I don't know.."

"Will you tell her once you see her that I am sorry? Tell her I was angry?"

"I will.. Now relax.."

Aiden couldn't help me.. I had to think of someone who might knew.. As far as I knew Ashley wasn't on speaking terms with her parents and she wouldn't go there.. I don't recall telling me for one of her friends.. So where was she? I was so stupid.. So stupid.. If anything would happen to her I wouldn't forgive myself.. Ever..

I went back to my office and tried to think of any places she could go.. I couldn't find any.. And then I remembered.. I remembered when she was telling me about their maid.. Couldn't remember her name.. She was telling me that she was like a mother to her.. What if she knew where Ashley was?

I left the hospital right away and took a cab to Ashley's house.. I knew her address by heart but I never went there.. All I knew was that her house was close to Central Park.. Once outside the house I stayed still for a moment.. It was a beautiful house with a great view.. I knocked the door and a black lady in her late forties opened the door..

"Hello?"

"Ehm, hello.. My name is Spencer Carlin.. I am a friend of Ashley's" she looked at me from my toes to my head and didn't say anything.. Instead she opened the door more wide for me to come in.. "Ehm, Aiden Dennison was at the hospital.. Still is actually.. I am a doctor.. He had a mini heart attack.."

"Oh my God.. Is he ok?"

"Yes, he is ok.. He will be out by the end of the day"

"Please sit.. What can I get for you? Would you like a cup of tea? Coffee?"

"Some water would be fine.. Thank you"

She brought my water and stood up looking at me.. I didn't know why but I could feel her looking through me.. It was kind of scary..

"Is Ashley here?"

"Since you are a friend of hers you should know where she is Ms Carlin"

"I don't though.. I came looking for her"

"Why?"

"Excuse me?"

"Why you came looking for her after a month?"

"What is your name again?"

"The name is Rwanda.. And I know who you are Ms Carlin.. I know very well who you are"

"And who am I?"

"The one who broke Ms Ashley's heart.."

"I did what?" I was confused as to what this lady knew and what actually Ashley told her.. Could she have really said to her that Ashley and I were in somehow together?

"Listen Ms Carlin.. As I said I know.. Ms Ashley was crying on my shoulder for hours when you didn't want to see her.."

"Rwanda, I don't know what you know but.."

"I know that she loves you and you love her.. Or at least I thought you did.. I was expecting to see you but not after a whole month.."

"You know? She told you?"

"She did.."

"What happened?"

"It's not my place to tell you.. You have to ask her.."

"That's why I am here.. Do you know where she is?"

"I want to ask you something first.. Do you love Ms Ashley?"

"I do.. Since the first day I saw her.."

"That's all I need to know.." she took a paper and wrote down what I supposed was the address.. "She is there.. It's not a good place and sure it's not for white people like you.."

"What is it there?"

"It's a shelter.."

"A shelter? Is she ok?"

"She is.. I have people looking out for her.. But I would like not to see her there.. So go and take her home.."

"And what if she doesn't want to come?"

"She will.. Because she loves you just as much as you do.. And she waits for you"

"How.. How are you so open about Ashley and I?"

"Ms Ashley gave me a home and brought my son back.. She loved me when I needed to be loved.. So all I want for her is to be happy.. And if that means that she will be happy with you then I am ok with that.." I stood up and I hugged her.. I don't know why I did it but it felt right..

"Thank you very much Rwanda.."

"Go now.. Don't go there later than 5pm.. And bring my girl back from that place.."

I was relieved and at the same time anxious.. I took a cab to Brooklyn.. It would be a long hour drive there.. I have never been to Brooklyn before.. All I knew was what I read in the newspapers..

Once I was there it was hard for me to picture Ashley staying here.. Especially for a month.. It was a neighborhood full of black people.. And I can really say that I was the only white one walking down the street.. There were people that were scared and people who were surprised.. I just wanted to find that place and take Ashley back.. Either she liked it or not..

"Excuse me sir.. Can I ask you something?" he didn't answer to me.. Instead he walked away.. I understood their fear and their hate towards me.. Or what my color represented.. I walked and walked till I found it.. It was a big building with people outside talking.. Rwanda said not after 5pm.. And it was already 4.30pm when I checked my watch..

Once inside there were so many people sitting, smoking, talking and when they saw me everyone stopped what they were doing..

"Excuse me.. I am looking for Ashley?" no one spoke.. Instead they continued doing what they did couple of seconds ago..

"Come with me Ms.. I will show you where Ms Ashley is.." a woman said from behind me.. I followed her without thinking where she was taking me or if she was someone I could trust.. "It was brave for you to come here by yourself you know.."

"I came for my friend.."

"Do you know Rwanda?"

"We both know Ashley.. She send me here actually"

"Good.. Rwanda is a very good person and so lucky for leaving this shithole.. Ms Ashley is there.."

"Thank you very much"

"No problem.."

Where the lady took me was a garden.. Or it seemed like a garden.. Ashley was washing her clothes.. I don't remember seeing her like that ever.. She seemed not herself and I could understand that she couldn't be herself here.. She didn't notice me.. Instead I walked till I was meters away from her.. Her hair was falling in her eyes and I wanted to come close and put them behind her ears.. She seemed so fragile.. I think I stayed there looking at her for five minutes when finally she looked at me.. She formed a smile when our eyes met.. I didn't stop myself for saying the words I was thinking while coming here…

"Hey baby.. I came to take you home.."

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	32. Chapter 32

Bo: Spencer is the nice guy here and we have to look at both sides and see from where both girls are coming.. It's ok not liking Spencer.. But Ashley wasn't right as well..

OneLiner: I guess she will..

GreenPen8, vir812 : thanks for your reviews..

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><p><strong>Chapter 32<strong>

**Ashley's POV**

When I saw her standing there, looking at me, smiling I thought that it wasn't real.. It was just my mind playing games.. But when I heard her talk then I knew.. The smile I had on my face when I saw her immediately fade when I heard her saying what I wanted to hear a month ago..

"Hey baby, I came to take you home" I didn't reply to her.. No.. I just continued what I was doing without even looking at her.. What she was doing here anyway..

"Ash.. I am here.." I could feel that she was coming closer to me but I stepped back.. It's when I looked at her again..

"And what are you doing here?"

"I came to take you home.." I had to laugh.. What home? I didn't have any..

"I think you are mistaken here.. I have no home.."

"You have.. With me.."

"Spencer, just stop.. You remembered that I exist after a month? After coming by the hospital every day to see you but you didn't want to see me? So please.. Wherever this home is it's not my home.. You can go.."

"Ashley.. Please.. I was wrong.. I was angry.. I had to protect myself.. I couldn't take it anymore.."

"Take what? You knew where I was coming from from the start.. Did you think it would be easy Spencer? You knew who you were, you were alone.. I from the other hand I had to figure out who I was and I was married" I moved back to hang my clothes up when I really didn't want to do anything at all..

"Can you really let me explain?"

"Did you let me? No. Instead I was waiting for you every day.. Till I knew that it was it you know.."

"Ash.. Can we please go upstairs and talk.."

"I think you should leave.. We have nothing to talk about.."

"Don't be like this.."

"And how you found out I was here.. No one knows.."

"I went by your house after I found out that you and Aiden were over and that he threw you out.." I was surprised as to how she knew these stuff.. How..

"How.."

"Aiden came with a mini heart attack at the hospital and he told me under the influence of the drugs.."

"Is he ok?"

"He is.. It was nothing.."

"Ironic.. Instead of finding from me you found it from my ex-husband.. Nice"

"And Rwanda gave me the address and here I am.." I walked to where she was standing and looked at her.. I can't not say that she wasn't beautiful because she was.. She is..

"Just leave.. I don't need you here.. I don't want you here.." and while I was walking away from her I heard her saying "I'll come by every day if that means that you are going to come with me.."

When I knew I was far away I let myself cry.. I didn't expect to see her here.. I hoped that one day maybe she would come.. Inside I was angry but yet feeling good.. Mixed emotions filling my body.. I wanted to scream but at the same time kiss her.. It's not that I didn't love her.. Of course I did.. But I couldn't forget how she treated me the last month..

At the shelter I was known as the foreigner.. The white girl.. There were some people that were kind and other that weren't.. It was a good thing that I had Rwanda's friends near me just in case something happened..

When I came here I realized how I was raised, with everything that I wanted.. A big house, food for an army to eat, not having to work, not having to do anything at all.. And then I find myself here, trying to find a place to warm, eat some bread and soups.. I wasn't expecting to see myself like that.. It was new and at the same time it was hurting me.. It was hurting me because now I could realize how these people were managing, with families, kids and being treated like animals..

"Mrs Ashley, are you ok?"

"I am ok Jill.."

"Who was that girl that came?"

"A friend of mine.."

"I didn't see her here before.."

"That's because it was her first time here.."

"Were you crying?" I was.. But I couldn't tell her why I was crying..

"Happy tears.."

"I guess she is a good friend of yours eh?"

"She is.."

"I cooked roast beef today.. Come with us to eat.."

"Jill, you have three children, a husband and your mother to feed.. I'll be ok"

"Mrs Ashley, there is always a place for you with us.. And I believe in sharing.. There is always next months to eat beef.. We are grateful to have it today.. So are you coming?"

"Of course.."

It amazed me how this woman who had pretty much nothing, who worked from morning till late in the evening most of the times was willing to give more than she had in opposite of these women I grew up with.. Women that were untrue, hateful and heartless.. I was glad I wasn't one of their circle.. At least not any more..

I couldn't stop thinking of her since I saw her back in the garden.. Spencer had the tendency to make me feel lost.. To have mixed emotions.. I wanted to be so angry with her and when I was at the same time I wanted to take back the harsh things I told her.. When I closed my eyes that night I hoped she would be here tomorrow as she said she would be..

Next morning I woke up and did was I was paid to do.. Clean the shelter.. They didn't pay me enough money but it was enough for me.. Of course seeing the white girl cleaning was so entertaining for them..

"Babe, I think you forgot this spot here.. You should come and clean it.." one of the men said.. He wasn't of these people I liked.. He was known for his temper and everyone was afraid of him.. But I did what he asked and while I was cleaning I felt his hands on my ass, grabbing it and squeezing it..

"What are you doing?" I said turning my face at him..

"Come on.. I know you liked it.. I see how you look at me.. Wanting some chocolate.." I picked up my things and tried to leave when he stopped me by holding my wrist.. "I am sure you would looove some chocolate in your skinny ass.." no one was moving to do anything.. I was trying to escape from him but he was a 6 foot guy and I was only 5.2 and a woman..

"Please stop.."

"I like when women beg.." he pushed me against the wall and I could smell his breath.. He was drunk.. His face inches apart from mine.. All I could do was scream..

"Help, please someone help me.."

"No one is going to help you milky.." and while he was about to touch me I heard a glass smashed on his head and him screaming from pain..

"You fucking asshole.." it was her..

"Spen.." she grabbed my hand and took me out of the building with me crying on his shoulders and her soothing me.. Trying to relax me..

"Ssssh.. Its ok.. I am here.. I am here now.. Everything is going to be ok.."

"He tried.."

"He didn't though.."

"You came.."

"Of course I did.. I told you I would come every day and I am happy I was here before he would do anything to you.." I turned my face to look at her and hugged her so hard..

"Please come with me.. If you don't want to stay with me I can find you a hotel and you can stay there.. But I don't want you to stay again here.. Ok?"

"But I have my things.."

"I'll go get them.. You are not going to get inside there.. Ok?"

"Spence.. Please be careful.."

"I was in a war.."

"As a doctor.."

"Still.. I know how to protect myself.. Stay here.. I'll be back in a few"

I stayed there as she told me to and waited.. She came outside after an hour with my bags on her hands..

"All set.. Are you ready to go?"

"How did you manage?"

"Doesn't matter.. Now lets walk because no taxi comes by here"

When we found a taxi and took it to Manhattan I still couldn't believe what would happen to me if Spencer wasn't there the right moment.. I held her hand tight because no matter what she was still the girl I was in love with.. I didn't know what would happen tomorrow.. All I knew was that I was holding her hand..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	33. Chapter 33

**Bo: i might disappoint you in this chapter.. I dont want any of the girls to feel bad.. I am sure they had lots of drama..**

**OneLiner: Ashley will do what she has to do.. Their bond maybe is stronger..**

**o: I understand what you are saying but unfortunately when you love someone very much you wait and you hope.. That's what Spencer did.. Of course Ashley is the one to blame and i think she already lost quite enough..**

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><p><strong>Chapter 33<strong>

**Spencer's POV**

Taking Ashley from there was the only thing I had in my mind since I found out from Rwanda..

Ashley was shaking in my arms inside the taxi and she wasn't talking.. After what happened not half an hour ago I couldn't blame her.. I can't even think what would happen if I wasn't there the right moment..

There were a lot of things we needed to discuss.. I wanted to know what really happened between her and Aiden, but I guess that would wait for a couple of days..

"Ash, we are here.. We arrived.." the man helped me with the luggages and I guided Ashley inside the building..

"Hello Dr Carlin.."

"Hello, Jonathan.."

"Do you want me to help you with those?"

"No, we are good thank you.."

My apartment was on the six floor.. It was kind of close to the hospital and it was a good neighborhood.. It wasn't anything big but it was good for me..

"Ok.. Here we are.. This is my place.. I know its nothing much but at least I have a place to sleep and shower.."

"It's very nice.."

"Do you want me to fix you anything to eat?"

"No, I am ok. Could I take a shower please?"

"Of course.. Ehm, let me give you towels.. The bathroom is over there.."

She took the towels and went inside.. She seemed lost.. Like it wasn't her.. But she needed time.. I checked my refrigerator to see what I had.. Since I wasn't home that much all I had was bread and some cheese and hum.. Not much.. But there was a very nice Chinese restaurant near by and we could always go there and eat..

I heard the door from the bathroom open and there she was.. With the towel around her body and her looking at me..

"Spencer, could you maybe give me something to wear? Just for tonight.."

"They might be big for you.."

"I will be ok.."

I went inside my bedroom and found some clothes that would fit her and let them on my bed..

"I let them for you to change inside.."

"Thank you.."

After ten minutes she came and sat right next to me on the couch holding my arm.. I leaned closer and stayed there.. It was then when I felt hot tears burning my skin.. She needed it and I let her..

We stayed like that for a couple of minutes when Ashley finally spoke..

"Spencer?"

"Hmm..?"

"Thank you.."

"For what?"

"For always being there even if I wasn't for you.. Even if I couldn't be the person I wanted to be.."

"Ash.."

"Please let me finish.. I need to.."

"Ok"

"I know I've been selfish, I know that what I was doing was wrong, I know that I was hurting all of us with my behavior but I want you to know that I love you.."

"You stopped trying.."

"What do you mean?"

"You were coming at the hospital every day for five days.. And then you stopped.. You stopped trying.. If you love me that much why did you stop?"

"Because you didn't want to see me.."

"You should have more faith in me Ashley.." she stood up and started walking back and forth..

"I was scared.. I was scared Spencer.. Aiden threw me out, you didn't want to see me and I had nowhere to go.."

"I waited for you all this time.. I never lost faith.." she came and sat on the floor right next to me, putting her arms on my thighs and holding me..

"I am not you though.. I wish I was.. I love that about you.. I react differently to things.."

"And what about now?"

"Now, I want to believe that its only you and me.. I don't want to be scared anymore Spence.."

"It will take some time.."

"Time for us?"

"Yes, it will be a new start for us.. Like we met yesterday.. Start from the beginning.."

"I think I like that.."

"I think so too.."

I wanted to start from the beginning with her.. We met under very difficult times and at that time she was with someone else.. This Ashley was a free Ashley.. Free from everything that was keeping her scared.. Everything that she didn't want to be.. And I really had faith in us..

Since we were starting from the beginning I told her we couldn't sleep on the same bed and she respected that.. I would sleep on the couch and she would take the bed.. Although she insisted of me taking the bed.. I didn't have any problem sleeping on the couch considering that I was sleeping wherever I could find at the hospital..

"Goodnight Spence.."

"Goodnight Ash.."

"Thank you again.."

"No problem.. Sleep well.."

Next morning I woke up early.. Earlier than usual actually.. I made myself some coffee and got ready to leave.. I didn't wake up Ashley.. Instead I left her a note and left..

'_Goodmorning Ash,_

_Hope you slept well.. There is hot coffee in the kitchen if you want to. Unfortunately though there is nothing on the fridge.. I need to go for some groceries.. I'll be home late.. So see you later.. xx Spencer'_

My day wasn't easy.. I had four surgeries and two of them were very difficult.. I can't say that I slept well.. I was thinking everything between Ashley and me.. Where tomorrow would find us..

"Dr Carlin. There is a lady waiting for you at your office.. She said it's a friend of yours"

"What's her name?"

"Ashley Davies she said.."

"Thank you.."

When I checked my watch it was already 7.30pm and I was here since 7am this morning.. Once I opened the door I saw her smiling at me.. She didn't make a move though to hug me or to come close to me..

"Hey.."

"Hello doctor.."

"What are you doing here?"

"You said you would come late but I thought to bring you something to eat.. Well now though its cold.."

"What time did you come here?"

"Let's just say that I was here kind of early.."

"I am sorry but I had four surgeries today.."

"They told me.." I checked the bag and it was food from the Chinese restaurant.. We were supposed to go yesterday but we both didn't feel like it at the end..

"Chinese.."

"Now, its cold though.."

"Thank you Ash.." I said and gave her a kiss on her cheek.. "What do you say if I take you out for dinner? Have you eaten anything?"

"Not really.. I wasn't hungry.."

"Then I know the best place to go.. Luigi's Italian Pizza"

"Pizza? I have never eaten pizza before.."

"You are kidding me right?" she shook her head "Never?"

"Never"

"Even better then.. Let's go"

"But you are tired.. We can go back to your apartment.."

"I am hungry and you are hungry and you have never eaten pizza before.. So.."

"If you are not tired.." she said and smiled at me..

This new thing between us I started to like.. It was like we knew each other but at the same time we didn't.. I wanted to know who Ashley Davies was.. Because Ashley Dennison was a different person..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	34. Chapter 34

**Hey guys.. I didn't double check this chapter so sorry for any mistakes you might find but i had a headache while writing.. Thank you all for your reviews..**

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><p><strong>Chapter 34<strong>

**Ashley's POV**

My life was changing and it was changing for the good.. I was with the person I loved and I was happy with, I had a job and it seemed that what happened the last years it was already gone.. But it never is completely.. It's like a rock in the bottom of the sea.. It blurs the water in the beginning but it's stays there forever..

I haven't seen Aiden the months I was living with Spencer.. I did meet Rwanda though two times a week but not inside the home.. Anywhere but there.. I was asking about him, how he was, how was everything.. I cared about him and the reason I was staying all this long with him was because I couldn't leave like that.. I couldn't do it to him after everything that he did for me..

The first month it was difficult because I didn't want for Spencer to take care of me.. My parents did that and then Aiden.. I wanted to be the one who could pay for her own food, her own clothes, to be able to buy something for Spencer..

Spencer was supporting all these months.. She even helped me with my decision to find a job.. I couldn't do anything really.. It's not that I went to a university like her.. I wanted to though.. I wanted to be able to study something I liked but I couldn't.. Not right now that is.. So I found a job to a clothing store not very far away from where we were living.. It was a nice place and when they saw me they gave me the job right away.. I was what they said 'what they were looking for'..

My relationship with Spencer was still in the still knowing each other.. We weren't together together as a couple.. It's not that I didn't want to be her girlfriend but she was right.. In order for us to be together again we had to know each other from the beginning.. There were some kisses every now and then but as many I wanted..

"Ash.. Are you home?"

"In the kitchen" she came from behind me and gave me a kiss on my cheek like she did every time she was coming home.. "How was your day?"

"Exhausting.."

"When is it not?"

"Mmm.. It smells nice.. What are you cooking?"

"You will find out once you sit down and eat.. Can you please lay the table?"

"Of course.. I am hungry.."

"It will be ready soon.."

In twenty minutes the food was ready and we were ready to eat.. Spencer more than me.. I made steak with peppers, mushrooms and rice and macaroni and cheese.. I knew she liked it..

"Ash.. You are really good with cooking.. You should do it professionally.."

"Nah.. I don't think I am that good.. You just love me and you think I am good.." she looked at me with that look I came to know so well and answered me with the sweeter voice she had..

"Of course I love you.. But you are a good cook as well.."

I wanted to ask her so many times when we would be ready to be together again.. When she would kiss me again like I am hers.. To claim me and make me hers.. But Spencer was hurt and I could understand that.. Sometimes I think she doesn't trust me enough.. And how can I blame her? I was telling her to wait for me for a long time..

"What are you thinking?"

"You"

"And what about me?"

"You have the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen.."

"Mmm.. Lets just say I believe you.."

"Spence.."

"Hmmm..?" I looked at her waiting for her to look at me back..

"I love you.. I don't think I ever loved someone the way I love you.. And thank you for giving me another chance.. For waiting for me.. And if it takes forever for us to be together again I'll wait.. I would wait for you.."

She looked at me and touched my hand.. She played with my fingers and brought them to her lips kissing each and every one of them.. She put my palm on her cheek and then kissed the inside..

"I love you Ash.. And I think that we waited enough.. Forever is a big word you know.."

"What are you saying?" she didn't answer me.. Instead she kissed me on my lips.. A kiss I wanted, a kiss I craved for the last 6 months.. "Are we.. You and I?"

"Yes.." I jumped literally in her arms and kissed her the same way she kissed me seconds ago.. A long, sensual kiss.. "Now tell me about your day Ms Davies.."

After eating and washing the dishes with Spencer drying them we went to the living room and cuddled.. We both didn't want anything to be fast but not as slow as it was before.. We didn't want to rash things.. To fall in each other arms and make love right there.. As much as I could feel she wanted to.. And let me tell you that I wanted the same as well..

We stayed there kissing and cuddling till I felt Spencer shifting and yawing.. When she was at the hospital a whole day she was coming home very tired and right about this time she was ready to sleep..

"I think its time for you missy to go to bed.."

"Hmmm.. not yet.."

"Spence.. You need to.. Ok? Come on.. We occupy your bed.."

"Can I sleep with you tonight?"

"Spence.. It's your bed.. If you want to.."

"I just want it to be our bed.."

"I would love that.."

It would be the first time we would sleep together on the same bed after the first time we made love almost a year ago.. I would feel her against my body again, her intoxicate sent.. I helped her to get up and while she was in the bathroom brushing her teeth I was in the room changing to my pjs.. And when she came back I was the one doing the same routine and coming back to the room finding her under covers, her face looking at the door but her eyes closed..

"Are you sleeping?"

"Not yet.. Waiting for you.." she said with a sleepy voice and her eyes closed.. I laid right next to her, looking at her, her hair falling in her beautiful face.. I moved them a little bit and put them behind her ear giving her a kiss on her lips..

"Goodnight Spence.."

"Goodnight Ash.."

I slept with a smile on my face.. A smile that the girl right next to me was putting on my face every day..

Next morning I woke up and she wasn't right next to me.. Instead I found a red rose and a note..

"_Goodmorning sweetie.. Have a beautiful day at work.. In a few hours I'll be home and I'll see your beautiful face and kiss your luscious lips.._

_Yours,_

_S_

_xx"_

I hated when she was waking up early to go to work.. I hated those shifts because I couldn't say a proper goodmorning to her.. And as every morning she had a coffee already for me.. I took a shower and got ready for work..

I was working at Coco's Chanel store in 5th Avenue, the street where the new hot stuff in clothes where.. The store was kind of knew and a lot of ladies of the upper side Manhattan where coming to shop.. Some times unfortunately people from my past would come and hunt me.. Like today.. When I saw Aiden and he was here with another woman.. There weren't many people working here and I had to act as a professional and go ask him what I could do for him.. Of course when he saw me he looked at me like he didn't know me.. He was surprised..

"Hello.."

"Ashley?"

"Hello Aiden.. How are you?"

"What are you doing here?"

"Working.."

"Excuse me miss.. I want to see that dress over there.. Size 3 ?" the woman right next to him said..

"Of course.." she was the opposite of me.. Blond, brown eyes, snob, taller than me.. Once I gave her the dress to try Aiden held my wrist for me not to leave..

"I haven't seen you all this long.. I know you meet with Rwanda but all she says when I ask for you is that you are good.. You seem like you are"

"I am.. I am doing great.."

"Good.. Ehm.. Are you.. With her?"

"Aiden.. Please.. It's the place to ask me those questions.."

"I know.. All I wanted to say is that I am sorry for the way I treated you.. But I was angry.."

"I understand.. Aiden.. I want us to talk one day.. There are some things we need to discuss.."

"Yes, of course.. Come by the house when you are free.."

"I will.."

"Aiden honey, I am going to buy this dress.. It's 50 dollars.. Very good price for a Chanel. Miss, we are buying it.."

"It's a beautiful dress.."

I gave it to the girl at the cashier and I watched Aiden as he was coming out from the store.. I expected to see him and actually for him to flip again.. But he was different.. He seemed different.. In a good way.. And as I told him we needed to discuss some things around our marriage.. Legally I was still Mrs Ashley Dennison.. And I didn't want to be..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

**Ashley's POV**

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><p><strong>Love. <strong>An emotion of strong affection and personal attachment.. **Hatred. **A deep and emotional extreme dislike, directed against a certain object or class of objects.. **Sadness**. An emotional pain associated with, or characterized by feelings of disadvantage, loss, despair, helplessness, sorrow, and rage.. Three different words but yet having one thing the same.. They are all emotions..

In our life there is one moment or moments that we wish we didn't have any of these emotions.. Sometimes they come one after the other.. It doesn't have to be in the right order.. Like, you can love someone, then hate them and then being sad for all the above.. Or the opposite.. I felt love, I felt sadness and I felt hatred.. The one who says that didn't feel any of these emotions is lying..

When I saw Aiden in the store I didn't know what specific emotion I had.. It was sadness more likely.. I hurt Aiden and I didn't want to.. It was something beyond me and seeing him right in front of me, telling me that he was sorry for being angry that night surprised me.. He surprised me because I didn't expect him to talk to me again.. And I have to say that it crossed my mind many times the fact that I was still legally bonded with him.. But I didn't know how to reach him, how to talk to him and tell him that we needed to take a divorce..

When I finished from work I went straight to the hospital to see Spencer.. Usually I didn't when I knew she would be back in the evening but I just needed to see her and tell her what happened.. As always though she was in surgeries and she was doing rounds.. I didn't manage to see her till late at 5pm when pretty much it was her time to come home..

"Hey you.." she looked at me and smiled.. " I am sorry I couldn't meet you earlier.. Is something wrong?"

"Everything is perfect.. I just wanted to see my girlfriend.." I said with the same big smile she greeted me when she saw me and walked closed enough to smell the perfume I bought her a week ago.. Channel No5..

"Ash.. The walls have eyes.. Someone might see us.."

"So? I am not doing anything wrong.."

"If you come any closer though then I will and I really don't want anyone to gossip.. So lets go home so I can greet you properly.."

"I like that thought.."

The apartment was close and we didn't have to take the car.. The last couple of days Spencer insisted for me to learn how to drive.. I liked the idea and I wasn't opposed to that.. So our weekends were educational and I was learning the beauty of how to drive something with four wheels..

"Ms Davies.. After you.." She said and waited for me to get inside the apartment.. Once she was in I took her in my arms and I kissed like I haven't seen her for days.. That was a proper greeting..

"That is a proper greeting.."

"I couldn't agree more.. So are you cooking today or should I cook"

"Spence, when did you cook the last time?"

"Hmm.. That day you came late from work.. I made some pasta.."

"That was.. Lets see.. Three months ago.. Take a shower and I will prepare something for us to eat.."

"I like when you cook.." she grabbed me from behind and started kissing my neck.. Her hands on my abdomen..

"And I like cooking for you.. Now go take a shower.. You smell like hospital.."

"I sure don't.." she said and I had to smile when I looked at her back and she was smelling her clothes..

"Go silly.. I am kidding.."

"Ok ok.. Going.."

A couple of minutes later she was out from the shower and the food was almost ready to be served..

"What the chef cooked today?"

"Some chicken with vegetables and rice.. Something simple.."

"Simple or not its tasty.."

She took the plates and made the table for us to eat.. That was our ritual pretty much every day.. We sat silently enjoying our food, drinking our wine and smiling at each other..

"So tell me.. How was the day at the store.. Did you sell anything?"

"Actually my day was quite interesting.. Aiden came.." she looked at me and wiped her mouth with the napkin..

"Come again.."

"Aiden.. He came by the store with another woman.."

"And.."

"And nothing.. He was ok.. He asked me if I was with you but I didn't answer to him considering I was working.. I told him though I needed to see him.."

"Ok.. That's good I guess.." she said without looking at me.. I know that many things were crossing her mind, like if I would go back to him or things like that.. But she was silly.. Now that I was with her I couldn't go back ever again..

"Spence.. I need to see him for the divorce.. As you know I am still marry to him.."

"I know.. Did you tell him?"

"No.. I told him that I need to see him.. I want to finish with it one and for all.. I already waited for so long.."

"You do that.. I am here.. Whatever you need.." she said and cupped my hand with hers giving it a little squeeze..

"I think I am going to go tomorrow.."

We didn't discuss more about that.. Instead after washing the dishes and drying them we sat on the couch holding each other watching tv.. My mind though was on Aiden and what I would tell him.. How I would tell him and what his response would be.. What if he didn't want to give me the divorce.. What would happen then..

Next morning we woke up together.. Most of the times Spencer was waking up earlier but I woke up with her this morning.. I wanted to have some time with her before we both leave for work..

"I'll come home after work to prepare something for us to eat and then I will go by the house to see him.. Ok?"

"Yes Ash.. I can leave earlier so we can eat together.. What time are you going to go?"

"Aiden is not home before 6pm. So it's ok.. I will wait for you and then I will go.."

We kissed each other and we both started our day with Spencer going at hospital and me going at the store..

Today I really didn't want to be at work.. I had so many things in my mind.. And today from all the other days the store was packed.. When I finally was ready to leave the time was 5.30pm.. We couldn't leave earlier.. I walked faster that I would normally walk and when I got inside the apartment I saw Spencer with an apron and serving the food on the table..

"Hey.. I thought about cooking.. I came earlier and you weren't here so I thought you were running late at work.." she undid her apron and gave me a kiss on the lips taking my handbag and putting it aside.. "Ms Davies.. You may sit.."

"Should I be scared? What did you cook?"

"I made a ham, cheese soufflé.."

"A what?"

"Aww.. And you are working to a store that they speak French.." she put a piece of that soufflé on my plate.. "What is that Spence?"

"Eat it first and then tell me.." when I tasted it I loved it.. It was creamy, it had melted cheese, the ham.. If anything it seemed like macaroni and cheese without macaroni..

"It is good.."

"Thank you.. It's a French recipe.."

"And where did you find it?"

"You seem to forget my dear that I was in France for four years.. I tasted it there one time, I liked it and I asked for the recipe.."

"Where did you eat it? Did you have time to go to a restaurant?"

"I was with someone and they cooked it.." instantly I felt that feeling of jealousy that I didn't know I had till this moment.. I wanted to ask who that person was and where did she know them and questions like that.. But I didn't have the right to..

"It is good.."

An hour later we were both full.. I took a shower and I was ready to leave..

"Spence, I am going.."

"Wait.." she said running from the bedroom wearing her coat.. "I am going to take you there.. It's late and I don't want you to take a taxi.."

"I'll be ok Spence.. Don't worry.."

"Till you learn how to drive.. Then you can take the car.. Let's go.."

It was indeed late and my old house wasn't far away but not close either.. When we were outside I leaned close to her, gave her a kiss and told her that I would call her to come and get me when I would finish.. She waited till Rwanda opened the door and I went inside..

"Ms Ashley.. I didn't expect you tonight.. It's lovely seeing you.."

"How are you Rwanda?"

"I am good.. My knees hurt but I manage.."

"I can tell Spencer to check them if you want.."

"Oh, not to bother Ms Spencer.. It's nothing.. I am just getting old.."

"I would like though for you to come by the hospital and check it.. Maybe they can give you something for the pain.."

"I'll keep it in mind Ms Ashley.."

"Is Aiden here?" before she answers me Aiden did while walking down the steps..

"I am here.." he said and came right next to where I was standing..

"I am going to leave you two alone.. It was nice seeing you Ms Ashley.." she said and went back to the kitchen..

"Hello Ashley.."

"Hello Aiden.."

"I didn't expect to see you anytime soon.."

"I said I wanted to see you to discuss something.. So here I am.."

"Sit please.." he said and I sat on the chair next to the window.. It was my favorite after all.. "So how are you Ashley? I saw that you are working.. That's good.."

"I am good.. Yes, I work there.. It's nice doing something you know.."

"I can tell.."

"And how are you?"

"I am better.. Work is hectic as always but it pays the bills.. But I am sure you didn't come here to hear me talking about my work.."

"I came here to discuss about us.. I want a divorce Aiden.." he got up from where he was sitting and started walking back and forth not saying anything.. "Aiden.."

"I heard you Ashley.."

"I am sorry.."

"You are sorry for what exactly.."

"I am just sorry.."

"A divorce.. It's not very easy to take Ashley.. And what the reason would be? My wife cheated me with another woman?"

"We don't need to say anything like that.. We just couldn't be a couple.. We didn't fit together.."

"In my mind we did.. Are you with her? Are you with Spencer?"

"I am.."

"Are you happy? Does she make you happy? Because I couldn't.." now I was the one getting up from where I was sitting.. I went from behind and hugged him..

"She does.. But in a different way from you.. Aiden, you gave me things that no one could give me.. You were right next to me when I had no one.. And I love you for that.. You are a kind person and you deserve to be with someone who can truly love you for who you are.. And if I might say someone that is not like the woman I saw you yesterday with.." I sensed his smile and when he turned to look at me I could see it as well..

"That.. Lets just say that I am not planning to be with her.. It was a blind date a co worker of mine set for me.. She is not my type.. So don't worry.."

"I mean it Aiden.. I want you to be happy.."

"I am going to start preparing the papers for the divorce.."

**Forgiveness.. **To grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt

Tonight Aiden forgave me for what happened between us.. He gave me my freedom for one more time.. He will always be a person I truly love..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	36. Chapter 36

**Hey guys.. I've been sick the last days.. Coughing right now that i am writing these words.. Hope you enjoy the chapter and sorry for the absence..  
><strong>

**TheQueen: since you are still reading i am good with that :)**

**o: about the cheese and hum souffle.. Well its one of my favorite foods.. No reason putting it in there but you never know.. As for Aiden, Ashley and Spencer.. Well.. They live in Manhattan.. Not far away from each other but yet not close either.. Spencer has money thats true.. She even has a car..**

**lilce1992: i think everyone loves Aiden.. He is an amazing man..**

**tbplrbear1: and i believe that they will continue but with some drama i will bring in their lives soon enough.. or not.. we will see i suppose..**

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><p><strong>Chapter 36<strong>

**Spencer's POV**

**One missisippi**.. You are born, you grow up.. **Two missisippi**.. You become a grown up woman or man and you start your life.. You can go to university or find a job.. **Three missisippi**.. At the end, the choices you made in life makes you who you are.. All this time, all this people you meet, the relationships you have, the jobs you find yourself in help you understand who you are but who you want to be as well..

I never had so many relationships to begin with.. I had some flings but if I have to say that I was committed to a relationship that would be Alex and Ashley.. Both helped me to understand myself better.. To understand what I wanted not only from them but from me as well..

In this time and age we were living it was difficult to be homosexual.. I knew it, Ashley knew it, everyone who had feelings for someone of the same sex knew it.. And although many times I was finding myself so ready to come out and tell everyone that I was in love with this beautiful girl who was walking right next to me, at the same time I was afraid.. What would happen if someone knew? What would happen to any of us? And living and working to a man's world it was more difficult.. Most of the women in the hospital were married.. I was in my late twenties and I was single in their eyes.. If only they knew..

At the hospital I was known as the 'no girl'.. I've been asked out to a dinner many times from doctors or even patients some times.. My answer was always polite but it was a clear no.. Many times I was asked as to why I didn't date anyone, why I wasn't married and all these lovely questions when noisy people ask.. People always would be curious about other peoples lives.. And every time although I knew who I was, and I knew what I wanted and who I wanted to be with, those people were making me wonder.. Wouldn't be easier for me to be in love with a man? And without even thinking I was always answering to myself.. It would be easier to anyone else but me..

"Where is your mind again Spence?"

"Here, everywhere, nowhere.."

"Mmmm.. that's a very specific answer you gave me.."

I was sitting with Ashley on our couch, watching some tv after eating our dinner.. It was months after she talked with Aiden about the divorce.. Aiden was ok with all this.. I don't know if I would actually find the strength he had to actually be civil around my ex wife and her new girlfriend.. But he did.. And one or two times all three of us went out to dinner or a coffee..

"I am sorry.." she gave me a kiss on my lips cupping my face and putting the hair that were falling in my eyes behind my ear..

"Nothing to feel sorry for.. I am going to go inside our room.. Want to come with me?"

"Sure.."

Ashley was doing great with her job.. From being a saleswoman they made her an assistant manager.. For someone who never worked in her life before she was amazing and I was really proud of her.. She was good with anything she was putting in her mind.. Even with cooking.. I knew she loved it and she was really good with it..

Us being together was amazing.. After our first time together a long time ago, instead of pretty much making love like rabbits once we got back together we decided that the best would be to wait.. And we did.. Not for long though.. We both wanted each other and actually having her change every night right in front of me didn't help.. But then one night it happened.. And it was beautiful.. Being with her that way, with her not being anyone else's but mine was simply everything I could ask for..

Once we both were in bed I felt her coming near me, putting her hand under my shirt cupping my breast and kissing my neck.. I couldn't help but moan to her soft touches.. She new exactly what I liked and how I liked it.. Even if I was her first she knew what to do and how to touch a woman..

"I love you.."

"I love you too.."

She removed my shirt and I stayed there half naked looking at her and the way she was looking at me, even if I was wearing my shirt on, made me feel naked.. She could see right through me, see my secrets, my needs, my thoughts.. I removed her shirt as well and I laid her back with me on top of her, our breasts touching, feeling her warm under me and her heart beating fast.. Kissing her softly on her lips and caressing her arms.. Letting my hands travel on her body..

"I want you to touch me Spence.. Touch me.." she said between breaths and who was I to say no to her.. And like that two bodies became one.. One soul, one mind.. In a beautiful night like this.. And all the thoughts I had were already gone.. She could always make everything to fade.. To stop existing..

Next morning found us naked, holding onto each other.. The last months we were waking up at the same time and I liked that.. We were taking our breakfast together and we would start our day.. She even learned how to drive and she was taking the car to work most of the times since the hospital was near our apartment..

"Did you take everything?"

"Yes Ash.. I have everything I need with me.."

"No, you don't.."

"What are.." I checked my handbag to see if I had my keys and everything inside but she came close and kissed me on my lips..

"Silly.. You won't have me with you.. At least till we both are home.."

"You are always with me.. Now who is the silly one.." I kissed back and I saw her smile..

When I went at the hospital for once it was an easy day.. Other than doing my rounds I didn't have any emergencies and no surgeries.. It was kind of boring not having anything to do.. But unfortunately that meant that everyone was being in each others business.

While I was walking to my office I heard two nurses talking.. In the beginning I didn't pay any attention but when I heard them saying my name I stopped and I decided to hear what they had to say..

"I heard that he asked her out and she said no.. Again.."

"What is wrong with her? If Dr Clark would ask me out I would definitely say yes with a capital Y.."

"Mandy said, that she heard from Elise who found out from Ilene that she might be you know.."

"No.. I don't know.."

"You knoooow.. That way.."

"What way?"

"Jesus.. You are so dump.. Homosexual.." she whispered the last word but I was close enough to hear it..

I didn't know they were discussing behind my back here.. But a hospital is like a small town.. Everyone knows about everyone.. At that moment I decided to come out from my hidden place..

"Hello ladies.."

"Ehm, hello Dr Carlin.."

"How is your day?"

"Good.. Good.."

"Glad to hear that.." I signed the charts that were mine and I left them behind continue talking about me..

I kept playing in my mind what people knew and what they thought they knew.. If someone knew about me then I would lose my career and I don't even want to know what would happen after that.. A week ago I was reading in the newspaper about a gay couple that was beat to death just because they were holding hands.. I didn't want anything like that to happen to me or Ashley..

While I was having all these in my mind I bumped on Nick, or Dr Clark.. He was a very persistent man, quite handsome and pretty much all women in here were very much in love with him..

"Sorry.." I said and made the step to leave but he stopped me..

"Will you go out with me? I am going to continue asking.." without even thinking what he said because I had other things in my mind I answered but I didn't know what I answered till I heard him saying "Perfect.. Tomorrow at 8pm.. You and me.. bye sexy" when I realized what happened he was nowhere to be found..

"Shit.. Shit.. Shit"

I had to find him and undo it.. I went to the reception to ask where he was but the girl told me that he finished his shift and that tomorrow he had the day off..

Everything was fucked up.. And how I would say that to Ashley?

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

**Spencer's POV**

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><p>I am wondering sometimes about lies.. There are lies that hurt the people we love and white lies that not hurt anyone.. But how is it possible to know what lie is going to hurt and what not.. Because something that doesn't hurt me might hurt someone else..<p>

While I was still in the hospital, thinking the situation I found myself in, all I had in mind was if it was for the best to tell Ashley or not.. On one hand it wasn't anything important.. I didn't like the guy, I was in a relationship and I knew who I was.. So it would be just a coffee.. From the other hand though I was thinking what if something like that happened to Ashley and someone else.. What if I found she lied to me.. How I would react then? Maybe not that well..

Walking home I tried not to think about anything.. All I wanted was for once to be Ashley and I.. Only us.. But they wouldn't let us.. I felt like I was born in the wrong era.. Maybe if I was born later on things wouldn't be the same..

Putting the key on the lock.. Unlocking the door.. Seeing her smiling at me.. Coming to kiss me.. Up until now I didn't know what my decision would be..

"You are home.. I missed you.." she said and kissed my lips, holding my hand and guiding me inside the living room..

"Missed you too.."

"I was waiting for you.." it was already late.. I told her many times that if I wasn't home by 5pm to eat but she didn't want it.. She wanted us to eat together.. Always..

"I am sure you are starving.. So lets eat.."

While we were eating I kept looking at her.. I couldn't help but think all the drama we had, the situations we found ourselves in many times, the longing, the love, the tears we shed.. Looking at her all I could think about was how much in love I was and I didn't want to jeopardize my relationship for any white lie who might or might not hurt her..

"Did you like it?"

"Mmm.. Come closer.." I said and she smiled.. She did come closer though and I kissed her lips.. " It was tasty.."

"You are such a dork.."

"Maybe.."

After eating and washing the dishes we sat in our living room, drinking our coffee, being all European.. It was something I learned to love while being in France..

"How was your day at the hospital?"

"Funny you ask.. Ehm, Ash.. I want to tell you something.."

"Ok.. What is it?"

"There are rumors about me in the hospital.. People are talking and I heard two nurses gossiping about me.."

"About you.. Being a..?"

"Yes.."

"People always want to stick their noises to everyone's businesses.. Don't mind them.." she said and brought my hand to her lips kissing it.. Her head resting on my shoulder..

"It's not only that.. Ash.." she was now looking at me with those curious eyes of hers.. I knew she was trying to think what else was there to tell.. "There are a lot of people at the hospital, mostly doctors, and one specific doctor who flirt with me and asked me out a couple of times.."

"You never told me that.."

"It wasn't important.. I always said no.. But.. Ehm.. I probably said yes to him today at the hospital.."

"Said yes? What do you mean?"

"He was persistent.. He insisted.. And there were those two girls who were talking about me and saying things and I don't know how but he asked and I said yes.."

"So let me get it straight.. You have a date with a doctor? A male doctor?"

"Yes.."

She got up from the couch and started walking back and forth.. I didn't know what she was thinking but seeing her acting like that she wasn't happy..

"You know what I am thinking Spence? I am thinking that you wanted to go out or else you wouldn't have said yes.. I am thinking that you were pushing me to come forward to Aiden and tell him about us when you clearly are afraid for anyone to find about you and who you are.. There is this thing that is called subconscious.. And subconsciously you want to be seen as a straight girl.."

"What are you saying?"

"Exactly what you heard me saying.."

"Ash, I can't come out to the people I work with.. Are you crazy?"

"Yes, I am.. Because I have no problem to come out.. I came out to my husband Spencer.." she said while yelling at me..

"It's not the same.."

"Really? How is not the same? Do you know how difficult it was for me to do that? But I knew that I wasn't the one I was pretending I was.. I knew I was living in a lie for a long time and I knew that what I was searching, who I wanted to be with was here.. At the same city.. So tell me why it is difficult for you?"

"Because it is my job.. Because if they knew they would kick me out.. And everything.. Everything would be lost.."

"So you would rather go out with him, with someone who clearly likes you more than a friend just to make them stop talking about you.. Nice.."

"Don't make it seem like that because it is not.. I tried to find him and tell him I wouldn't go but he wasn't there.."

"If you really wanted you would find him.. Goodnight" she said and walked to our room leaving me all alone in the living room.. What she said though made me think.. Did I want to be seen as a straight girl?

She was clearly pissed at me so I didn't try to go inside the room.. And even if I wanted I heard her locking the door but before she gave me my pillow and a blanket.. I would sleep on the couch tonight..

I didn't sleep all night.. I was thinking about Ashley, Nick, the people at the hospital.. I knew who I was but why I had to come out to everyone and tell them anything about me? Why was that important? It was no ones business what I did in my life and with whom.. But what Ashley couldn't understand or didn't want to understand was that couples like us weren't acceptable to our society.. What they saw were two friends, but the reality was different from the one we were living..

When I finally closed my eyes it was time to get up.. I didn't hear the door opening and till I was ready to leave Ashley was still inside the room.. I knocked at the door and waited but she didn't say anything.. I knew she was up though..

"Goodmorning Ash.. Love you"

Today I had a lot of surgeries and a date I didn't want to go.. I didn't know what would happen, I didn't know what to do.. But when it came to the noisy nurses and Ashley I was choosing Ashley.. I would rather deal with the rumors but not with Ashley not talking to me..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**

**A/N.. Hey guys.. I know its not a long chapter.. I am thinking to finish this story in 40 chapters.. So three more and we have the end..**


	38. Chapter 38

**I am sorry for being absent for so so many days but the truth is that i didn't have the mood to write.. So here i am and i'll try to finish the next two chapters in the next two days..  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 38<strong>

**Spencer's POV**

The moment I stepped my foot at the hospital I knew it wouldn't be a good day.. Probably some of you felt this kind of feeling once or twice in your life..

The day was the worse I had since the day I came back from the war.. Besides the surgeries I had planned, at 9am sharp they informed us that there was a big accident between a bus and car and a lot of people were injured.. All doctors were in their positions waiting for the ambulances to bring any injured man or woman..

At 9.30am the doors opened and what I saw I didn't expect.. There were people with blood running from their heads, people with broken bones, parts that were missing from their bodies.. It was a massacre.. Seeing all this right in front of me took me back to France and the soldiers I had to keep in life.. The scene it was close to that..

"Ilene, Marianne come with me.. George I am taking this guy to the OR"

Everyone was running.. Trying to see who was dead, who wasn't.. Who needed our instant help and who could wait.. It was a tough decision to make but it was a decision that was needed to..

By 5pm in the afternoon after being in the OR for almost the whole day I had to talk to at least four families and tell them that their husband, wife, child, brother or sister was dead.. We saved a lot of people but unfortunately we lost some as well..

I was sitting in the hall writing the charts of the patients when Nick came and sat right next to me.. I didn't pay him any attention..

"God, that was the best day I ever had.." I looked at him and he seemed so relaxed.. His hands on each side of his chair.. Like he was stretching..

"I wouldn't call this day the best Nick.."

"Are you kidding me? I had to put together arms and legs.. I did the surgery to a man where a stick was right through his chest.. It was an amazing day"

"Whatever" I was right about to get up when he stopped me..

"So are you ready? In a few hours its our date.." it was now or never.. And I was really pissed at him and his coy attitude and with what was happening today and how he reacted..

"You know what? No. I am not ready.. And I am not going to be ready.. I am not going to go out with you Nick.."

"Relax.." we weren't alone.. There were nurses around us and doctors but at this point I didn't care..

"Don't tell me to relax.."

"Ok ok.. We can go out another day.." I leaned close to his face and I saw him smiling.. I am sure he was thinking that I would kiss him or something..

"Listen to me and listen to me carefully.. I.. am.. Not.. Going.. To go out.. With you.. Ever.. Got it?" I saw him gulp and I think he putted on his arrogant head that I wouldn't go out with him.. At least I hoped he would put it to his arrogant head.. When I turned to leave I saw all of them looking at me and in seconds doing something else.. Yeah.. The rumors would go even bigger than before..

I didn't see Nick till it was time for me to go home.. I stayed at the hospital till 9pm at night till I was sure that I wasn't needed here.. While I was ready to go I was thinking of Ashley.. I am sure she thought that I was out with Nick or something..

In twenty minutes I was home and all I wanted to do was to take a hot shower, eat something and sleep..

When I opened the door I saw Ashley sitting on our couch watching tv.. She turned her head to look at me and got up from her seat..

"Hey.." I said and it was more of a whisper that anything else.. She came close and put her hands behind me giving me a soft kiss on my cheek..

"I saw it on the news.. They said about an accident.. How are you?"

"A mess.. I am tired and I lost four people.." I said and took off my coat and sat on the couch with my hands holding my head..

"We both know that you can't save everyone.. And you know it better than I do.."

"Still.. It reminded me the war you know.. And how many soldiers I lost.."

"I understand.. Do you want me to make you something to eat? Or.. Ehm.. You are going to eat out?"

"Not going out.. And if you mean about Nick, the doctor I was supposed to go out, I made it very clear to him that I wasn't planning to go out with him ever.." she stayed quite for a moment and then she looked at me..

"Spence, I want to tell you that I am sorry for my reaction.. I had no right to be like that.. Especially when you waited for me all this long.. It's just that sometimes I am catching myself being jealous.."

"Why? Did I ever give you the reason to be?"

"No.. It's me.. This whole thing with you and me it's new and I am just afraid.. That's' all"

"I can't say that it's new for me because it is not.. But being in love with someone it is new and I am as afraid as you are.. You just have to give me some credit here.. I wouldn't push you to come out to your co workers and I want you to not push me either.. I am protecting you and me at the same time.. You don't know what people are capable to do Ash.. It doesn't mean that I love you less if I don't hold your hand when we are walking outside or if people at my work not know with who I am.. I know and you know.. And when we open that door it is you and me and the world can go fuck.." I saw her giggle when I said fuck..

"You are right.. I am sorry.."

"You have nothing to feel sorry about.. I just want you to understand.. If things were different I wouldn't even think to take you in my arms and kiss you senseless in front of everyone.."

"What if you kiss me now senseless?" I am about to kiss her when my stomach growls.. "Mmm.. Maybe if you eat first.. Then you can kiss me senseless"

My day didn't start good and I was afraid of how it would end.. But everything went well..

The next days weren't different.. When I was walking at the hospital corridors I could hear whispers and I could feel it was about me.. Some nurses didn't even have the tact to not to look at me while their were gossiping..

"Dr Spencer.. Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Of course.."

Marianne was the head nurse here at the hospital and one of the best.. Most of the times we were working together in the OR.. She was close to my age, brunette, with honey brown eyes and surprisingly she was single.. Yes, I know because here everyone knows about everyone..

"Dr Spencer I really respect you.. The person you are and of course the doctor.. I am sure you heard the nurses talk.."

"Yes, I did.."

"And you know what they are saying.."

"I know that too.."

"Dr Spencer.. I.. I just.." and like that I felt her lips on mine kissing me.. What the hell was that.. I did a step back and looked at her waiting for her to explain..

"What was that?"

"I am sorry.. I just.. I thought you were.. You know.."

"And what if I am Marianne? Does that give you the reason to kiss me?"

"Dr Spencer.. I.. just forget what happened" she says and tries to leaves but I realize what has happened.. Marianne was gay as well..

"Marianne stop.." she stops but doesn't look at me straight in my face.. "What was that? Why you kissed me?"

"I am sorry.."

"Why you kissed me Marianne?"

"I think you can understand why Dr Spencer.. But clearly I was wrong.."

"Marianne, you weren't wrong.. I know what people say behind my back but they don't know if it's true or not.. For them I might be gay just because I always say no.. They assume that I am.."

"But you said that I am not wrong.. So you are gay"

"Yes, I am.. And I am with someone that I am in love with and care deeply for.. We have been together for a year now.."

"I am sorry again that I kissed you.. Let's forget what happened.." she is about to leave again when I tell her to wait for a second..

"Marianne, I hope that this will stay between you and me.. And I want you to know that I won't tell anyone about this.. So your secret is safe with me.."

"Thank you Dr.. And your secret is safe with me.."

This hospital wouldn't stop to amaze me every day.. First Nick now Marianne.. And Marianne was gay.. How I didn't see it before? And I am always working with her.. Either she was really good at hiding it or I didn't have a gaydar.. And I am afraid that I didn't have a gaydar..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

**Ashley's POV**

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><p><em>13th of June 1950<em>

There is a saying that goes like this.. _'It is very nice to make dreams and let's not go ever truly'._. I followed that saying since the day I remember myself.. I dreamed of being free, I dreamed to become a pilot, but I never dreamed to find someone I loved.. That just came out of nowhere and surprised me just the same..

Time flew so fast.. Spencer and I were together now for three years.. Of course in those years we had our ups and downs but it wasn't anything important that could actually break us apart.. To the outside world we were two cousins living together or two friends sharing the rent.. But nonetheless a couple..

Of course we both got more at ease on coming out and be ourselves.. Of course to clubs that were hidden.. Clubs with only girls.. I still remember my first time to a club like that.. Once we were inside I couldn't believe that were so many women like us.. They were dancing, kissing, holding hands, flirting.. Like a normal person would do.. Spencer was laughing at me because of my reaction.. It wasn't her first time to a club like that.. And she helped me through.. At the end of the night all I remember is that I could finally kiss my girlfriend in front of other people, hold her hand and dance..

As for our working lives.. Spencer was still driving her co workers crazy.. They were still wondering if she was gay or not.. I do believe though that they had a clue.. Especially when they were seeing me coming at the hospital to pick her up and leave.. But from assuming something to actually be sure about something there is a big difference..

As for me I realized that working at a clothing store even if that store was one of the best in 5th Avenue it wasn't my thing.. I knew what I liked and to what I was good at.. And that was cooking.. With the money I had and with a little help from Spencer I went to study to become a cook.. It's not that I didn't know how to cook but I wanted to have a degree.. And who knows.. Maybe someday I could open my own restaurant.. So yeah.. I was thirty years old and I was a student..

"Hello my wonderful lady.. How's studying going?" Spencer the last couple of days was day and night at the hospital.. They suggested her to be the chief of the hospital.. Never a woman before were to become a chief.. That's how much they respected her and they knew that my girl was the best doctor..

"You don't even want to know.." she removed her shoes, left them right next to the door and came and sat right next to me but not without kissing me first as she always did..

"Well, since I am asking that means I want to know.. So try me.."

"I have to read this whole book and learn the recipes because in three days we have exams and they told us that they will have us cook one of these.." I showed her with my hand and with a little desperation in my voice the fact that I had to read a 300 pages book full of recipes..

"You will do great.. At the end you don't have to go by the rules.. Make something on your own if you don't remember the recipe.."

"It's not that simple Spence.."

"If it's not then make it simple.." she said and kissed me again.. "And since you were studying and since you pretty much you are the cook of this house I am taking you out tonight.. We are going to eat to a restaurant.."

"Spence, I can't.. Maybe after my exams.."

"Nope.. We are going to go out and enjoy ourselves.. I am going to take a shower and get ready.. You have an hour to get ready yourself as well.."

"I can't say no to you.."

"I know.." she said with a smirk and pretty much started to undress right in front of me.. Slowly if I might say.. And when she was completely naked she gave me one last look and got inside the shower.. I licked my lips and went inside to find her.. Of course once I was inside she was there waiting for me.. She knew me so well..

"You are late one minute.."

"I needed to undress you know.."

"You could always come inside and I could undress you.."

It wasn't the first time we were showering together.. Actually it was something we liked to do very often.. Especially after our hot sessions.. And shower sex was even better with the cold water falling on our bodies.. It took us two orgasms and more than an hour to get ready but when we were finally dressed she was the most beautiful woman I laid my eyes on.. She was wearing a black strapless dress that was tight to the right places and her black heel shoes I bought for her birthday.. She had her hair down with loose curls, like the way I liked it, and the only make up she wore was a red lipstick and rouge on her cheeks.. She was like a movie star..

"Ready?"

"Of course"

We drove to a new restaurant in town.. It was classy and a lot of well known people were coming there.. I knew because I wanted to be able to cook to one of these restaurants in future..

"Spence, how are we going to get in? There is an awaiting list for months.."

"Don't you worry.. We have reservations.. I have friends on the top.."

"You had it planned?"

"Mmm.. Maybe.." she looked at me with that smile that every time was making my knees to tremble..

"Hello ladies.."

"Hello, a table for two under the name of Spencer Carlin"

"Of course Ms Carlin.. Let me accompany you to your table.."

The restaurant's atmosphere was the one of Paris in the 1910.. Dark but at the same time light, the chairs were made out of red velvet, there was a small stage were musicians with violins and a piano were playing music from that time.. It was like I was back in time..

"Ladies, if you excuse me.. Your waiter will come to get your order.. Have a beautiful night"

"Thank you" we both said at the same time..

"Do you like it Ash?"

"Are you kidding? I love it.." Our table wasn't in the center.. It was in the back pretty close to the stage.. It was like it was only us.. Me and her.. While I was looking at her I saw her trying to reach my hand but when she was right about to touch it she stopped.. Our hands now facing each other..

"I really want to hold your hand.."

"I know.." I moved my little finger to touch hers and I did for a second before our waiter came..

"Goodevening ladies.." he said and gave us a minute to order

"We would like a green salad and a coq au vin for me and for the lady.."

"I would like a foie gras"

"Would you like to drink something?"

"A bottle of a 1930 red Chateau"

"Good choice.. Thank you ladies"

We sat there and talked about pretty much nothing and everything and all I could think about was that I was so much in love with this girl in front of me that every time I was thinking of her my heart was beating so fast.. She was amazing..

"It's so beautiful here tonight.. Thank you for this night.."

"You know I could do anything for you.."

"I know.."

"But I wanted us to go out tonight and celebrate.. I got the chief position at the hospital" she said with a smile and I matched the same smile with hers.. If we were anywhere else I would get up and kiss her.. But I could do it later on..

"I am so so proud of you Spence.. We really need to celebrate" she leaned closer to me and whispered like someone could hear her..

"I know a way that we can celebrate all night.."

"Maybe.." I said back with a smirk but she knew and I knew that that maybe was a hell of a yes..

The food was amazing and there is no wonder why this restaurant was on the top even if it was new.. While we were eating and drinking our wine I felt someone coming close to us.. It was Aiden..

"Hello Ashley, hello Spencer.. It is nice seeing you here" I got up from my seat and hugged him and Spencer did the same only that she shook his hand..

The last years Aiden and I managed to go back in being friends.. He realized that I couldn't be what he wanted me to be and he was sorry about what happened between us.. Every now and then we were meeting with each other, I would go by his house see Rwanda and eat like we used to.. Spencer didn't have a problem with me keeping in touch with Aiden.. As she told me one day 'if anything I took his wife from him'..

"What are you doing here?"

"I am here with Susan.. I saw you sitting here and I thought to say hello.. Are you having a great time?"

"Yes, we are.. It's a very nice restaurant.."

Susan was his girlfriend and they were together for a year now.. I knew about her because he told me one day.. She was a girl he met one day walking at the park.. She was a teacher and she was coming from a nice family, not wealthy, and she wasn't the snob Aiden and I were used to.. Susan did know about Aiden and me.. But Aiden told her that I was more a friend to him than a wife.. I really liked her for him.. They seemed to fit..

"I am going to propose to her tonight.." he said and his face was shining..

"Really? That's so nice.."

"Yeah.. So it was nice seeing you both.. We could arrange something one day.."

"Of course Aiden.. Tell Susan we said hi" Spencer said and then he left to go back to his table.. I was really happy about him..

"Who would have thought eh?"

"I wanted him to find someone to love and to be loved.. I am glad he found a girl who could give him what I couldn't.."

She was silent after we saw Aiden and I knew she was thinking..

"Spence, what is it?"

"I was thinking that I won't be able to give you that.."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't marry you.. I can't even kiss you in public.."

"Who cares?"

"I am Ash.. You deserve more than that.."

"I deserve you.. And I have you.. And as you always say, behind our door its you and me.. I can be your wife and you can be mine.. No one knows, no one cares.. Only us.. And I am happy that way.."

"Are you sure?"

"I am.. I love you.."

"And I love you.."

Yes.. It is very nice to make dreams and let's not go ever truly.. Only that mine are..

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Reviews are always welcome**


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

**Ashley's POV**

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><p>How can you count memories? Can you do that really? Do you say I have a memory, I have two memories, I have three memories? Memories are priceless.. You can't count them.. They just exist in you..<p>

The years I spent with Spencer I remember so many things.. From our first kiss to our first time together and of course our coming out.. How could I forget this..

It was a beautiful morning of May in 1956 and we were drinking our coffee at the central park.. There was a beautiful cafe close and we liked going there especially in the weekends or when Spencer had some free time..

Of course the world wasn't ready yet for gays.. What pissed me off was the hypocrisy of those people.. In the morning they were the best husbands or wives but at night they had their boyfriends and girlfriends close to them in the underground clubs.. You could recognize them from afar.. It wasn't that difficult.. And usually those were the ones who were causing all the commotion..

We were sitting there with Spencer when we saw a gay couple walking right in front of us and they were holding hands.. Of course whoever saw them started calling them names and even some of them got up from their seats to start a fight.. Looking all that was taking place right in front of us scared me but at the same time i wanted to do something.. At that moment like Spender knew what I was thinking looked at me and said 'kiss me'.. At first I thought she was joking.. We never ever did anything like that in public but the urge to kiss her and the need to help these men who were scared made me to do it.. So I got up from my seat walked slowly to where Spencer was sitting and kissed her while having her in my arms.. In that moment I didn't think what would happen.. I was just kissing my girlfriend of ten years in public.. And it felt so good..

When we stopped kissing pretty much everyone was looking at us.. They wouldn't hit a woman, or at least I hope they wouldn't.. And they didn't.. What surprised me though was the reaction of the same people who were ready to hit those men moments ago.. They were staring us with their mouths open and I remember clearly one of them saying 'can you do it again?'.. Men would always be men..

So that was our first time coming out.. I am not saying that from that moment and after we were kissing right in front of everyone but we would share a kiss when we knew it was safe and maybe we would hold hands while walking..

Spencer came out at her work a couple of years later.. And pretty much so did Marianne, George, and Linda.. Metropolitan Hospital was actually proud to have exceptional doctors and nurses like them.. They were the first gays who came out at their work.. But don't think that the people at the hospital didn't gossip.. I came to realize that no matter the age and time people will always gossip.. It's in our system..

As for me.. Well.. I finished the cooking school and I took my degree.. I worked as a sous chef to well known restaurants till I was ready to open mine.. My surprise came when one night I was asked to go out because some people wanted to congratulate me about the food.. And when I saw my parents.. Well, let's just say that it was a surprise seeing them after twenty years.. They tried to start a talk and ask me things but all i said to them was 'I am glad you enjoyed the food' and I turned my back on them like they did to me so many years ago.. I had a new life, I was a new person and my past was already erased..

Aiden got married and Susan gave birth to two beautiful girls.. Aiden became one of Spencer's and I's dearest friends.. He was right next to us whenever we needed him and he even invested to my restaurant as a silent partner..

And as for me and Spencer.. Well.. We are still together, holding each other every night when we go to bed, walking at central park and enjoy each other as much as we can.. The only thing missing is a child of our own.. We discussed it so many times but in order to be pregnant I had to go with a man or Spencer had to go with a man and none of us wanted something like that.. So having our own family it was something we realized we would never have.. We were though the aunts of two beautiful girls..

'What are you thinking Ash?'

'Us..' I felt her coming closer to me kissing the spot she knew it made me tickle..

'What about us?'

'After so many years of living with me aren't you tired?' I said with a smile and she

knew I was joking.. Even if she was the only woman I have been with I never, not once, thought about being with anyone else but her..

'Nope. Never'

'Good answer'

'After so many years my dear I think I know how to answer those questions'

'I love you'

'I maybe love you'

'You know that maybe most if the times means yes'

'That's what a hot girl I met a long time ago said to me'

'And what about that hot girl? Where is she now?'

'Laying here right next to me'

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><p><strong>THE END<strong>

**Thank you all for your wonderful reviews, favorite and putting my story to your alerts.. See you soon with another story of mine..**


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South of Nowhere, Drama, Romance