G. I. Joe Heaven is a Gourmet Dinner

_Disclaimer: I do not own GI Joe. _

**Heaven is a Gourmet Dinner**

* * *

><p>It was a special day in the GI Joe Pit. Storm Shadow, who had only been with the Joes a few months, did not realize how special it was until Stalker dropped his food tray down next to him and Snake Eyes at breakfast. Scarlett was out of the Pit on a mission.<p>

"Roadblock's cooking tonight," Stalker told them. The reaction was instantaneous. Snake Eyes immediately sat up and eagerly signed a flurry of ASL signs to their former sergeant.

"Roadblock's already picked his kitchen guards," Stalker replied. The disappointment in his voice was evident, as it was in the slight droop to the Silent Master's shoulders. "Law and Jinx."

"Kitchen guards?" Storm Shadow finally asked. He had heard stories about Roadblock's gourmet skills, but had never had a chance yet to see or taste them in action. Both of his friends shook their heads at his ignorance.

*Highly coveted positions,* Snake Eyes signed. *Everyone wants them.*

"Okay, but what are they?" Tommy Arashikage asked. "Why do they need kitchen guards tonight?"

"Because Roadblock is cooking," Stalker answered impatiently, as if that explained everything. "Everyone tries to sneak a peek or taste of what he's making, so the kitchen guards are necessary."

*Even guys like Lifeline have tried to sneak in,* Snake Eyes added.

"Roadblock usually hires two off-duty Joes," Stalker added. "Sometimes three if it's a holiday feast. He always rewards them well with treats. Their job is to keep everyone out, unless they're essential kitchen staff and KP monkeys."

"So couldn't you get yourself on KP duty?" Storm Shadow asked, still not quite understanding the fuss. The Joes' food, as far as he was concerned, was already leagues above the crap they had served in Cobra. Not that he ever let the local quartermaster know how much he really appreciated the cooking though…no need for the new ninja master to stoke any egos.

Still…the blueberry muffins and fresh fruit alone made up for the Cobra cafeterias. As for the omelets…Storm Shadow glanced down at the demolished remains of what had been a mushroom and sausage omelet. He quickly devoured the rest of it.

"It doesn't work like that," Wetsuit said from behind him. Storm Shadow twisted his torso to look at the Joes seated at the table behind him. The ninja master was surprised that the other man had joined the conversation. Most of the Joes still avoided Storm Shadow, when they could. The Navy Seal grimaced at him, even as Deep Six…who rarely showed an ounce of emotion, leaned excitedly over to Tunnel Rat and told him the news about Roadblock.

"Uh, why not?" Tommy asked cluelessly. Pissing off Beach Head or one of the Tops seemed like a simple enough task. The ninja himself had already landed KP duty twice since his arrival. In the background, his sensitive hearing heard _"Roadblock is cooking tonight" _spread like wild fire across the crowded cafeteria.

"Because Beach Head doesn't assign KP as punishment when Roadblock is cooking," Wetsuit answered. "He knows it's not a punishment. In fact, the last people who tried to get KP ended up having to clean the latrines." Everyone around him grimaced, Storm Shadow included. He had been able to avoid latrine cleaning so far. So far.

"The only people who manage to get KP are the lucky ones who were assigned it before Beach found out about Roadblock cooking," Stalker added.

"Who are the lucky bastards tonight?" Another nearby Joe asked…Torpedo, Storm Shadow thought his name was. Everyone around him shrugged.

*How did Law and Jinx already manage to snag kitchen guarding?* Snake Eyes signed after a moment. Stalker shrugged.

The conversation soon turned into speculation on what Roadblock was making and if anyone would manage to bypass the kitchen guards this time. The consensus was that no one would probably make it past Law and Jinx.

Storm Shadow bit into a second blueberry muffin and savored the taste. He resolved to be the one to get past the kitchen guards and see what all the fuss was about. Even though he didn't voice his thoughts, Snake Eyes gave him a knowing look.

*You won't make it,* he signed.

"It's Kimi and Law," Storm Shadow replied, licking his fingers. "How hard can it be?" Jinx might be problematic, but Law would be a cakewalk. Besides…surely Jinx would let him in because of their familial bond, if he wasn't able to sneak past her.

Snake Eyes made a cracked snorting sound in his damaged throat. Even his best friend disbelieved him. That only convinced Tommy that he had to do it, on principle.

Besides…it wouldn't hurt to see if Roadblock really lived up to the legends.

* * *

><p>Marvin Hinton inspected the mounds of rising dough with a satisfied nod of his head. The focaccia bread was coming along nicely. He turned his attention back to the garlic and onions that he had been dicing. Roadblock finished and poured the tiny pieces into a bowl of mashed avocados. He focused on cutting and squeezing fresh limes next.<p>

It had been nearly eight months since he had last organized dinner for the Joes. Usually he did around special events, like holidays or Hawk's birthday. Today, there was no official special occasion. He had his reasons though.

"What next, boss man?" One of the kitchen staff asked him.

"Please check on the biscotti," Roadblock told her. "How are the stuffed peppers coming along?"

"Perfect," she answered. "The bribes are almost done." She winked at him and went off to check on the biscotti, as ordered. Roadblock shook his head, but smiled. He had learned the hard way that every person, dog, eagle, ninja, or Beach Head would sneak their way into the kitchen, unless appropriate measures had been taken. Roadblock finished mixing together the guacamole, covered it up, and placed it in one of the fridges. He was just in time.

A happy bark greeted the machine gunner and Roadblock felt his smile widen. He pulled off his plastic gloves, bent down and held out his hands to the German shepherd who barreled his way into the kitchen.

"Order, I'm glad to see you," Roadblock told him. He scratched the dog behind the ears and Order tilted his head back. "I've got an important job for you and your master." The dog gave another woof and Roadblock straightened to see Law and Jinx enter into the kitchen.

"Guacamole's in the fridge," Roadblock told them. "It needs to chill about twenty minutes and then it's all yours. The biscotti and stuffed peppers will be out of the oven soon." If they were going to help him protect the kitchen, then they would be paid well for it.

Order whined at him. Roadblock petted him again before reaching up to a ceramic bowl.

"I haven't forgotten about you, Order," he told the dog. Marvin pulled out a couple of homemade dog biscuits and held them up. "Sit." The German shepherd immediately sat and waited expectedly. He wasn't disappointed.

"Even Order gets homemade treats?" Jinx asked. "You spoil us."

"Of course I do," Roadblock told her. "Now if you excuse me, I need to get started on the real dinner. You both know the drill." Law gave him a mock salute, before leading Order to one of the doors.

"Order," he said. "Guard." The dog lay down in the doorway, but his ears twitched as he took up an alert vigil. Law walked to a nearby entrance while Jinx took up a position between the third exit and a ventilation grate.

Roadblock washed his hands and slipped on a clean pair of gloves. He began a mental checklist of everything that needed to be done. Once finished, he settled himself into the familiar and comforting motion of dicing fresh tomatoes and sweet bell peppers.

Marvin hummed to himself. His mother had made him sing in choir growing up and it had installed a love of music into the soldier. Propriety, however, currently kept him from belting out a gospel tune.

"Roadblock," the quartermaster told him after a while. "The KP guys are here." Marvin, who had just finished with the tomatoes and peppers, scraped them into a bowl and wiped the blade of his knife. He turned his head to see two eager greenshirts and a grinning Alpine.

"Alpine buddy…what did you do to get on KP?" Roadblock asked.

"Let's just say that Outback and I had a bet…I lost…and Beach Head didn't appreciate what I did as a result of the lost bet," Alpine answered. Marvin rolled his eyes and pointed his teammate to a pile of dirty dishes.

"Wash those first and then separate the garlic," he said, nodding to another pile of garlic bulbs. "Separate the cloves from the bulbs and take the skins off. Do you know how to mince?"

"Piece of cake," Alpine promised.

They worked in relative silence until Alpine was half finished with the dishes. Roadblock opened the lid to a giant pot and inspected the garlic and onions that were sautéing. Satisfied, he added the diced peppers and tomatoes, chicken stock, and red wine. He mixed it and set it to simmer while he focused on the next task.

A yelp of pain, followed by Jinx's laughter made both men look up just in time to see Clutch scuttle out of the kitchen. Ten minutes later, Order growled and barked, sending two greenshirts in retreat. Several minutes after that, Order barked again and was answered by an irritable Southern drawl.

"Oh come on Order!" Beach Head shouted. The dog stood his ground and glared up at the ranger, who normally he was content to lick. However, he'd had his orders from Law. Guard the kitchen.

"Go away Beach!" Law shouted across the room. "No non-kitchen personnel!"

Beach Head scowled and stalked off. A few minutes later, Order was barking at Tunnel Rat. Silence eventually reigned on the kitchen again, as the dog was satisfied that no other intrusions were in progress. Roadblock rewarded him with another biscuit.

"By the way, what's the occasion?" Alpine asked after a while.

"Hmm?" Marvin asked, now working on a fig, almond, and olive mixture, which he would use to stuff pork loins.

"Well, I was just wondering what the occasion was?" the Joe asked him. "It's been a while since you cooked for everyone." Roadblock silently diced up figs while he thought about it. Finally, he decided to be truthful.

"Things have been really tense since Storm Shadow joined," Roadblock answered honestly. "I thought this might help put everyone a little more at ease."

"Tell me about it," Alpine answered quietly, turning his head briefly to see if Jinx was out of earshot. "I mean…I hope he's sincere, but I can't help but wonder if I'm going to wake up with a sword through my chest. Know what I mean?"

"I know," Roadblock answered quietly. He methodically continued to cut up the figs. It was soothing. Marvin soon felt his muscles begin to relax and he realized how much tension he had been walking around with. Storm Shadow's presence had been stressing him out as well.

"Think he's sincere?" Alpine asked. "I mean, he's done well on the missions so far…"

"I hope so," Marvin answered. "Look…if he is sincere…I thought this might help him to feel a little more welcome." Granted, Storm Shadow had still killed many people and Roadblock would never forget that. Marvin's momma had tried to teach him to be a good Christian and that was supposed to entail forgiving sins. If the ninja really was repentant, then Marvin would do his best to forgive…even if only to please his mother. However, he would never forget what the man had done.

"And if he's not?" Alpine asked. "Sincere, I mean?" He finished with the current set of dishes and dried his hands on a towel.

"I've seen the Cobra kitchens man," Roadblock answered. "They were terrible." A scourge on humanity, in fact. Lady Jaye and Spirit had to talk him out of torching a kitchen while en route out of a Cobra base about a year ago.

"So?" Alpine asked.

"So if Storm Shadow realizes how much better the food is, he won't want to go back." Okay, so maybe it was a bit of a selfish reason which reeked of self-preservation, but Roadblock was a pragmatic man. People liked to eat well, soldiers and ninja masters included. Cobra's cafeterias were desolate wastelands. Regardless of where Storm Shadow stood on the moral playing field, Roadblock figured he had the advantage.

"Clever," Alpine said. "I hope for our sake, it works."

"Me too," Roadblock muttered. He finished dicing the figs and left briefly to go supervise the rest of the staff. He ignored a sudden sinking feeling in his stomach. Instead, he mentally focused on a favorite tune and began to sing in a rich baritone.

"Listen baby…ain't no mountain high, ain't no valley low…."

* * *

><p>Tommy decided to try the ventilation shaft method first. He had watched several attempts already by Joes to sneak into the kitchen. Psyche Out had come the closest to making it inside so far, on the pretext of reminding one of the greenshirts on KP duty that he had a psyche evaluation coming up. A suspicious Law had asked why the shrink couldn't have reminded the greenshirt some other way. Psyche Out had then been booted out of the kitchen.<p>

The ninja master took a moment to pause and smell the heavenly scents wafting up into the ventilation shaft. He couldn't quite tell what Roadblock was making, but there was a definite smell of tomatoes, garlic, baking bread, and roasting meat in the air. Storm Shadow seriously considered just curling up in the shaft and basking in the pleasant aroma.

Heaven. Pure heaven.

His stomach grumbled and Tommy wiped away the saliva that threatened to spill out of his mouth. It was embarrassing, really. However, years of Cobra quality cafeteria food had made him react a bit…desperate when suddenly confronted with Roadblock level gourmet.

He took another whiff of the kitchen and detected a hint of lemon. His stomach rumbled and he bit back a low groan. If just the smell was this heavenly, what was the taste like? New determination invigorated him and Thomas Arashikage continued on his quest.

Very soon, the clatter of dishes and voices could be heard above the fans. Air was blowing through the ventilation shaft, as well as steam. Tommy paused and suppressed a cough. Perhaps the ventilation shaft hadn't been the brightest of ideas, when they were being used. However, he knew he was very close to a ventilation grate that opened up into the kitchen. He inched forward silently.

Order suddenly starting barking and howling. Storm Shadow pressed a palm into his face and groaned. The barking was coming from directly underneath of him. Oh well. The element of surprise was gone. Maybe he could at least snatch a glance through the ventilation grate before Jinx caught him. He scurried forward silently.

There was a screech of metal as the ventilation grate popped off. A second later, Jinx's head poked through. She looked left and then right and saw that Storm Shadow was hunched just a mere two feet away. The ninja grinned at her cousin.

"Hiya Tommy," she said. "Just so you know, Snake Eyes and I have already tried this method. It doesn't work."

Tommy scowled at her. He coughed slightly as some escaping steam hit his face.

"The steam doesn't help either," she added. "And for future reference, avoid the vents whenever Beach Head or Shipwreck is on KP duty. Something is usually burning."

"I'll keep that in mind," Tommy told her. Meanwhile, he could hear Law praising Order, who was still barking underneath the ventilation opening. Storm Shadow peered around his cousin.

"Who lets a dog into the kitchen?" Storm Shadow asked, trying and failing to keep the annoyance out of his voice. "Isn't the quartermaster going berserk?"

"Considering the alternative….no," Jinx smirked. "Especially since it's pretty much been Order at a thousand points and everyone else at zero today." Down below the shaft, Law was still praising and petting Order.

"_Who's a good guard dog? Who?" _

Order wagged his tail briefly, but he kept his eyes locked up on the ninja in the ceiling. Storm Shadow sighed. He blinked his eyes when he realized that someone had used the fact that Order, Jinx, and Law were all distracted to dart in through a doorway.

Well hell. If he wasn't going to get a peek at the kitchen, no one else was.

"You're getting sloppy Kimi," Tommy told her smugly. "Lady Jaye just snuck in."

"What?"

Storm Shadow laughed as he crawled away through the ventilation shaft. Below, he could hear Law and Jinx shouting at the female Joe, while Order continued to bark. A few minutes later, he exited out of a grate in the recreation room. A couple of Joes jumped when he came out and Storm Shadow rolled his eyes at them.

"Relax."

Neither of them said anything. Tommy tried to place their names. Rock 'n Roll and…Bazooka? Storm Shadow nodded politely at them and walked out of the room. He considered his next move. Sneaking in didn't seem to be an option. However, he wasn't quite ready to give up. Charm perhaps?

He nodded his head. Yes, he was good at charm. Making a new tactical decision, Storm Shadow headed back down to the kitchen. He purposely made his way towards where Kimi had taken up guard duty. Tommy knew there was no way he was going to charm his way past Law or Order. The ninja master paused a short way from the doorway and coughed loudly. Jinx peeped out of the doorway a moment later and frowned at him.

"So…how far did Jaye get?" Storm Shadow asked cheerfully. "Lucky thing I noticed her, huh? It might have ruined your reputation if she got passed you. I imagine that Roadblock wouldn't hire you again."

"I would have caught her," his cousin replied. "She just got lucky."

"No…you all got distracted and she took advantage. Lady Jaye's a clever and sneaky woman. So how far did she get?"

"…That's classified," Jinx answered sourly.

"Ooo…she spotted something, didn't she?" Tommy asked, still smug. "If you won't tell me, I guess I'll go pay her a visit."

"Roadblock bribed her into silence," Jinx muttered. "You won't get a peep out of her."

"Like I said…clever woman," the ninja master said. His eyes suddenly became riveted on the bowl of green dip in his cousin's left hand. Jinx held a small bag of corn chips in the other.

"Is that…fresh guacamole?" Tommy asked suddenly. He felt saliva rise in his mouth and the ninja snapped his mouth shut. He wasn't about to embarrass himself by drooling. It wasn't dignified to begin with and it was certainly unbecoming of an Arashikage ninja master.

But…dammit. He loved avocados…and he loved guacamole. And unfortunately for him, Jinx was fully aware of this fact.

"Yes," Kimi answered sweetly. She made a show of dipping a corn chip into the guacamole and eating it slowly. Storm Shadow attempted to glare at her, but he suspected that it looked rather pathetic. His eyes wandered down to the green dip again. Dammit…he could smell the cilantro and the avocados.

"Can I try some?" he asked, putting as much polite charm as he could into the request.

"No."

"Kimiiii," Tommy pleaded. It came out more as a whine. He winced slightly. Not dignified. At all.

"_No_," she repeated emphatically. "Get kitchen guard duty next time and maybe Roadblock will make some for you."

"But…" Storm Shadow paused. He was annoyed that charm wasn't working. Apparently Jinx had built up a resistance over the years. Either that or she had a genetic immunity to it.

"You don't need the entire bowl," he added. Tommy was willing to bet that more guacamole was hiding in the kitchen.

"Yes we do," Law said from behind Jinx. He nibbled on a biscotti and grinned triumphantly at the ninja master. Storm Shadow bit back a smart remark. Insulting the MP would _definitely_ not help him get into the kitchen.

"What all did Roadblock make for you?" Storm Shadow asked.

"Guacamole, biscotti, oh…and stuffed peppers," Jinx answered, smirking. "He also made us fresh tea…using whole leaves. He also made biscuits just for Order. " Storm Shadow looked back and forth between both Joes, annoyed. He sniffed his nose and smelled Earl Grey. His eyes paused on the white and blue teapot on the counter behind Jinx, just beyond the doorway. Next to it sat a giant bowl, which was next to another bag of corn chips. Tommy suspected that it was the source of Jinx's guacamole…which she was refusing to let him taste.

"And you're not going to share?" Storm Shadow asked his cousin, somewhat scandalized. "Not even with _me_?" He added, as if being related to her somehow made it mandatory that Kimi share her goodies.

"Kitchen guarding privileges," Law added. "You're not getting anything Storm Shadow, so I suggest that you leave. Immediately."

"What Law said," Jinx added. "Scram. Get lost. Shoo." She waved her hand at him. Tommy glared back at her.

"So much for family relationships," he said sourly.

"When Roadblock's cooking is involved?" his cousin asked. "I'm not sharing."

Defeated, Storm Shadow finally trudged off. Apparently the only way he would get into the kitchen on a Roadblock cooking night was to be on Roadblock's good side. Well…that would be an uphill battle, considering that most Joes still mistrusted him.

Still…it might happen. After all, who better to guard the kitchen than a ninja master? Well, other than Order. Speaking of Order…

Another round of barking drifted up the corridor as Storm Shadow walked away. The German shepherd had caught another would be thief.

* * *

><p>Tommy was in the dojo later, practicing kata, when Stalker and Snake Eyes found him. Both men flanked one of the doorways. The ninja eyed their body language and saw that both men were tense and fidgety. They were impatient about something.<p>

"Aren't you ready yet?" Stalker demanded.

"Ready for what?" Tommy asked. He finished one set of kata, wiped a bead of sweat from his face, and stared at them.

*Dinner,* Snake Eyes signed. Tommy stared again.

"But…dinner doesn't begin for another hour," he replied. "Wait…don't tell me there's going to be a _line_?" Stalker gave an irritated grunt, which Tommy took as a yes. It hadn't occurred to the ninja that everyone who was off duty would be jostling to get into the cafeteria first.

Storm Shadow cleaned up the best he could, slipped his shoes back on, and left the dojo with his two comrades. He could hear the chatter of people as they exited out of the stairwell to the second level of the Pit. Stalker and Snake Eyes heard it too, which resulted in Snake Eyes pushing Tommy to walk a little faster. They rounded a corner and made it into the line just ahead of Wild Bill and Slipstream.

The line already stretched well outside of the cafeteria door. They still had about forty minutes to go.

"You're kidding me," Tommy said. "There's never a line like this."

"There is on Roadblock night," Stalker answered. "Come on man…I know you tried to sneak into the kitchen. You should have expected this."

"I didn't expect that every person in the Pit, who wasn't on duty, would already be down here," the ninja replied. He looked behind him and saw that about seven more people had joined the line since they had arrived.

*Roadblock night,* Snake Eyes repeated.

"Did anyone ever find out what we're having?" Stalker asked. Flint, who was slightly ahead of them, turned his head back. He hesitated a moment before shrugging.

"I heard we're having Mediterranean," the warrant officer said. "That's all I know."

"You heard, huh?" Tommy asked dryly. Flint's lips thinned slightly.

"Yeah…I heard."

"What?" Stalker asked.

"Lady Jaye made it in," Storm Shadow answered. "Roadblock apparently had to bribe her into silence."

"She wouldn't tell me what he made," Flint denied. "All Jaye would say was Mediterranean."

"Yeah yeah, we believe you," Tommy smirked back. He really shouldn't…but he did enjoy getting a bit of a rise out of Flint. The warrant officer glared slightly at him. Stalker frowned slightly in warning at the ninja master, before turning his head to look at their teammate.

"Thanks Flint," Stalker told him. Flint nodded at them before turning his attention back to the conversation he was having with Chuckles.

The minutes seemed to tick by. Eventually though, dinner officially began and the line started to inch forward. By the time they reached the front doors, Storm Shadow spotted a simple sign which listed the contents of dinner:

_Broad bean and feta salad_

_Stuffed vine leaves with garlic yogurt_

_Tomato and roast sweet pepper soup_

_Roast loin of pork stuffed with figs, olives, and almonds_

_Beef rolls with garlic and tomato sauce_

_Focaccia bread_

_Dessert: Rice pudding and lemon tart_

"Roadblock doesn't do things by halves, does he?" Storm Shadow asked. Stalker grinned and pushed the ninja forward slightly when the line moved.

"He never does. Now get your ass moving."

* * *

><p>Roadblock watched with contentment as excited military personnel filed into the cafeteria. Grins were all around as men and women chattered eagerly to their teammates. Greek music played softly over the loudspeakers, adding to the ambience. A nice, relaxed atmosphere permeated the cafeteria.<p>

Mission #1 accomplished.

"Hey Roadblock, did I ever tell you how much I love you?" Clutch shouted from a nearby table. The mechanic had already cleared the line and was currently plowing his way through the soup. Roadblock grinned at him, as he dished out some stuffed pork loin to a waiting greenshirt.

"I've already gotten four marriage proposals so far, Clutch buddy," Roadblock replied cheerfully. "You have competition."

"Aww man!"

Marvin returned to scooping up bits of his hard work onto the plates of his teammates. As much as he enjoyed the act of cooking, Roadblock found even more satisfaction in watching others enjoy his meals. Even Beach Head had been remarkably pleasant, for Beach Head anyway, when he had come through the line with Cover Girl. He had even been relaxed enough to not get jealous when Cover Girl had jokingly asked Roadblock to marry her.

Laughter and talking filled the air. Roadblock hummed quietly to himself as he looked down the line. His second mission objective was quickly approaching. One of the kitchen staff, a private, ladled hot soup into Storm Shadow's bowl. Roadblock watched as the ninja half closed his eyes, as if savoring the smell.

"Busy day," Stalker told him, when it was his turn. Roadblock added a generous helping of pork to a tray that was already piled high with food.

"You going to be able to eat everything?" Marvin joked.

"For you? I will _make_ room," Stalker vowed. Snake Eyes, who was two persons down the line, flashed a thumbs up in agreement. "Now if you would please Roadblock…serve up my buddy, Tommy, here," Stalker added.

Roadblock grinned when he saw that Storm Shadow's tray was equally overflowing with food…quite a feat when they hadn't finished going through the line yet. The ninja's eyes seemed to glaze over slightly when the pork loin joined his plate next to the beef rolls.

"Marry me," Storm Shadow promptly said.

"That's my sixth marriage proposal," Roadblock told him. "You're going to have to fight off Cover Girl, Jinx, Recondo, Quick Kick, and Clutch for me."

"Challenge accepted."

"You and Jinx could share, you know," Stalker smirked.

"She wouldn't share with me earlier!" Storm Shadow replied indignantly. Snake Eyes' shoulders shook with silent laughter as the three men continued on down the line. They soon disappeared into the crowded cafeteria as they searched for a table.

Roadblock served up another helping of stuffed pork to a waiting Slipstream. Mission #2 accomplished. Hook, line, and sinker.

* * *

><p>Storm Shadow salivated as he stared at the pile of food on his tray. His eyes wandered from the soup, to the stuffed vines, to meat, and then to the focaccia and small bowls of dessert. He had no idea even where to begin. The Joes' food had already been leagues better than Cobra's…but tonight…<p>

He licked his lips and did his best not to embarrass himself. Tommy had of course heard of Roadblock's legendary cooking. The lovely scents that had drifted around the kitchen all day, as well as the anticipation in his teammates, had given him some sense of what to expect.

None of it had quite prepared him for the real thing.

"He's drooling," Stalker said.

"Am not," Tommy denied. He discretely wiped at his mouth, just in case he was in fact drooling. The ninja master decided to start with the stuffed vines. Storm Shadow popped one in his mouth and then bit back a moan as his taste buds had a party.

"I think he's about to have an orgasm."

This time, Storm Shadow didn't even dignify Stalker's remark with a retort of his own. Instead, he took a sip of the fragrant soup and closed his eyes. If Zartan had walked into the cafeteria just then, Tommy didn't think he would have cared. He took another sip of soup and savored it.

Hunger suddenly took over and propriety be damned. Storm Shadow shoved a beef roll into his mouth, followed immediately by a second one. He ripped off a piece of focaccia bread from the generous slice on his plate and dipped into the soup. That disappeared quickly as well.

"Roadblock is a god," Storm Shadow muttered between bites. "If Cobra knew how good the food was, I think at least half of them would desert."

When his tray was empty, the ninja master continued to break one of the rules of the martial artists: only eat until you are just full. Storm Shadow willfully disobeyed the rule and went back for seconds. He then raided the dessert table a third time for another bowl of rice pudding. The ninja ate until he felt he would burst.

He finally pushed the empty tray away and rubbed his stomach. Storm Shadow gave a contented sigh and then wrapped his remaining pieces of focaccia bread up in a napkin for later.

"No one punch me in the stomach, please," the ninja moaned slightly. He wanted nothing more than to go collapse on his bed and drift into a food coma.

"Just wait until Thanksgiving comes," Stalker promised.

*Or Christmas…or New Years,* Snake Eyes added.

"Or July 4th," Stalker added. "Roadblock makes the _best_ barbecue."

"I'm about to explode just thinking about it," Storm Shadow said. He lay his head down on the table and closed his eyes. Yes…he could definitely die right now and he wouldn't care. It took all of his will not to cram any more food down. Tommy rubbed his stomach again.

"Ow."

* * *

><p>The clatter of dishes died down as stuffed soldiers waddled out of the cafeteria. Roadblock, the quartermaster, and the other kitchen personnel took a break and filled their own trays. He tasted the soup and decided that he should add a touch of fresh basil next time. Marvin looked up when General Hawk stopped by his table.<p>

"Another success," Hawk smiled at him. "I think everyone needed that."

"It's always my pleasure," Roadblock told him. The GI Joe general patted him on the shoulder.

"I know…but we all appreciate the hard work," he said. Hawk thanked the rest of the staff in turn and then swiped another piece of lemon tart on his way out of the cafeteria.

Roadblock pulled a tiny notebook out of his pocket, uncapped a pen, and opened to a new entry. He liked to keep track of the likes and dislikes of his teammates. It came in handy whenever Roadblock wanted to make something nice for them, whether as a thank you gift or a bribe. He wrote "Storm Shadow" in neat, cursive writing. Marvin thought a moment before writing everything he had learned that day.

_Likes:__ guacamole, and Mediterranean food; fresh bread_

_Dislikes: _

He paused. Storm Shadow claimed to dislike junk food and sweets, but the number of raids on the dessert table had proven otherwise. Roadblock added lemon tarts and rice pudding to the "Likes" list. He put a star next to guacamole, fresh bread, and rice pudding.

Jinx had squealed on her cousin earlier, by smugly telling Roadblock that Storm Shadow was addicted to avocados.

Roadblock made a few more notes before focusing on the results of dinner. He wrote "add basil next time" next to the words "tomato and roast, sweet pepper soup." Marvin briefly analyzed the stuffed pork loin and decided that he didn't need to tweak anything.

When he was finished, Roadblock made sure that several platters of food had been set aside for the on-duty soldiers who hadn't been able to make it to dinner. One of the greenshirt privates loaded up a cart of soup and bread for the infirmary inhabitants, who were currently on a limited diet. Roadblock stretched his muscles and then helped the quartermaster supervise cleanup.

Later that night, he relaxed in a hot shower and collapsed into his bed. Another successful night. Only one person had managed to sneak into the kitchen and it hadn't been a ninja. Roadblock had rewarded Order well after dinner with a couple of big beef bones. Marvin smiled as he counted up how many marriage proposals he had received this time.

Twenty-seven.

He closed his eyes and drifted off into a peaceful sleep.


End file.

G. I. Joe, Humor