JAG 1. Chapter 1

**Joy Cometh in the Morning** by doc

_Summary: This is my idea of how JAG could have ended. I dreamed up this story long before the actual finale of JAG, but just recently had time to put it to paper. I envisioned an 11th season with this story being the final episode of the series. In my world the 10th season of JAG continued as portrayed through "The Four Percent Solution" then veered off in a slightly different direction. Mattie was never in an accident and thus stayed with her father. Harm and Mac were able start their life without the encumbrances of a teenager. This final "episode" could have allowed us to see into the future life of the Rabb family with all of its ups and downs and in betweens. Most of the future will be seen through 'Harm's Flashbacks and Dreams'. I can't promise that it will always be easy; it never has been for our dynamic duo. But I will promise as the verse states, "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."_

_The first 2-3 chapters involve the more medical aspects of the story; if you can get passed those, the tempo and fun picks up by good measure. The story is already complete; I will try to post a chapter every 1-2 days depending on my call schedule. I hope you enjoy._

_Author's Note: My medical specialty is neonatology (newborn intensive care). As the medical aspects proceed I will attempt to explain what is occurring in "layman's terms" much as I would to a parent. My patients and their parents are wonderful and strong human beings, who survive dramas that would put most of us to shame. I understand both sides of these issues, since 9 of my 11 nieces and nephews were premature—3 of those 9 did not survive. In order to understand this story, a full term pregnancy is 40 weeks. If anything is unclear, please feel free to ask questions._

_This is my first fanfic, so please be patient with my mistakes. Special thanks to Mom for proofing for grammar and spelling errors._

_Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of its characters. If I did, season 10 would have been much more fun. The medical personnel, in this fiction, are composites of many of the people who I have had the pleasure to work with over the last 2-1/2 decades._

Part 1 

19:00

Friday, May 19th, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Antepartum Unit

As Nurse Sally Martin entered Room 2404, she smiled at the picture before her. Huddled on the small hospital bed was a giggling couple fighting over the TV remote. Her patient was a beautiful marine colonel who had spent the last 8 weeks hospitalized on strict bedrest attempting to prolong her difficult pregnancy. Her husband was a tall handsome naval captain, who had turned the head of nearly every female he encountered. They were a sweet couple whose story had pulled at the hearts of all their caregivers. Of course the couple had only shared a small portion of their entertaining lives with the hospital staff, but additional colorful tidbits had been added by friends and colleagues during daily visits. If even half of the adventures and misadventures had been true then this adorable pair had been fortunate, lucky, blind, stupid, perseverant and every adjective in between, to have actually gotten to this point in their lives. As she walked further into the room she heard them playfully arguing.

"Mac, why can't we watch the basketball playoffs, I already missed the first round," argued Harm, as he again wrapped his arms around his wife to grab the remote.

"Harm, the doctor said I needed to rest quietly. I hardly think having you yelling at the referees over every call is going to qualify as a peaceful evening, besides I think Lifetime is replaying that movie '_The Stranger I Married_' tonight. Harriet said it was a great movie and I hear the actor playing the lead role is a real hunk," smirked Mac as she wrestled back the remote to change the channel.

"Mac, I should be the only hunk in your li…" Harm stopped mid word and blushed brightly as he noticed the nurse standing by the door shaking her head and chuckling to herself.

"Captain Rabb haven't we already discussed the need to keep the Colonel quiet? I also see you again refuse to utilize the bedside chair provided for your comfort," laughed Nurse Martin as she checked the Colonel's IV site and adjusted the IV rate.

"It's her fault; she pulled me up here," he replied contritely while turning toward Mac. "See, you always get me in trouble," he quipped while pulling her closer. "I guess we'll have to quietly watch your movie, before you get me thrown out!"

"What do you mean my fault, you're the one who…" Mac started before being cut off by the nurse clearing her throat.

"All right you two, I feel like I'm fielding a dispute between my children. Now before we have anymore disagreements, Colonel are you feeling any contractions tonight?"

"No, everything seems to be fine. I'm just tired of being in this bed. I can't wait until I can get up, take a shower, go outside, anything but looking at these four walls would be an improvement," she sighed.

"I know, but think of the payoff in 10 weeks when you deliver a healthy baby. All this will be a distant memory," noted Sally has she left the room. "And keep it down in here, we have other patients you know and you're having way to too much fun in here," she smiled as she stuck her head back through the door. The couple looked meekly chastised as they settled back into the bed, but laughed heartily once the nurse had again cleared the door.

Twenty minutes later, having lost interest in the movie, Harm got up from the bed and stretched. Leaning over to kiss Mac's forehead he quietly asked, "Do you want something from the cafeteria, I'm going to go grab a cup of coffee?"

"Yeah, some ice cream would great. See if they have something chocolate."

He rolled his eyes, "You and your chocolate. I'll be right back."

As he walked by the nurse's station he waved to Sally. "I'm going to run downstairs. I'll be back in about 20 minutes. Please call me on my cell phone if Dr. Abrahms comes in, I have some questions for him."

Harm quietly walked down the hallway and entered the elevator deep in thought. One week earlier they had spoken with Dr. Williams, the neonatologist, regarding baby Sophie's chances of survival and potential problems once born. Harm smiled at the thought of his little girl's name. He and Mac had argued over various names before agreeing on Sophia Elizabeth Rabb. He had suggested Kaitlin, "Katie" for short, but Mac had immediately nixed that choice as it reminded her of Kaitlin Pike. Harm sheepishly replied that he hadn't meant to name the baby after Kate. Mac suggested Anna, but was immediately rebuffed by him as this could be shortened to "Annie," and he didn't need a daily reminder of a "neurotic ex-girlfriend." They both refused to name their daughter after close relatives, and while Harriet was a good friend, no little girl deserved to be saddled with that name. Various and sundry other names were bantered about and dismissed due to "old girlfriends, mean schoolmates, too prissy or too Hollywood," before they both agreed on Sophia or "Sophie" for short. He would finally have his long awaited little princess. "Princess Sophia," Harm chuckled to himself, Mac would get a kick out of that one.

Harm purchased a large cup of coffee and winced as he took a big gulp. Why couldn't hospital cafeterias serve a decent cup of coffee or palatable food for that matter. You'd think with a captive audience of patients and families they could at least hire a decent chef. He sat down at an isolated corner table to contemplate his earlier conversations with Dr. Abrahms, the perinatologist or high-risk obstetrician, and Dr. Williams, the neonatologist or newborn intensive care doctor. Why couldn't doctors have normal sounding specialty names? It was like they put together the longest string of letters possible just so patients couldn't remember, much less pronounce, their doctor's specialty. And the more specialized they got, the longer the name became, he thought shaking his head.

Harm thought back over the last year. Mac's pregnancy had been tough from the get go. Once they had married in May of 2005, they had begun trying to get pregnant immediately. Due to Mac's low chances of conceiving, Dr. Chen had put her on Clomid, a fertility drug to increase ovulation, in June. After 4 months of with no success, Harm and Mac had asked about other options. Dr. Chen had wanted them to give the Clomid another 2 months, but Mac insisted on pursuing other options due to her advancing age and long odds for achieving success. They had all agreed to try Pergonal injections before proceeding to _in vitro_ fertilization. The Pergonal injections had involved giving daily injections for 12 days straight to induce development of a "follicle" or egg; this was followed by an injection of HCG to stimulate release of the egg. They had been warned that Pergonal could stimulate multiple eggs to be released, which could result in a pregnancy with twins, triplets or more. A pregnancy with multiple babies would be high-risk for a normal woman, but in Mac's case due to her endometrioses and prior surgery, the risk with a multiple pregnancy was exponential.

The first month of Pergonal again resulted in disappointment. Dr. Chen suggested trying artificial insemination in conjunction with the next course of injections. Harm nixed that suggestion for the time being. He had been thoroughly checked, much to his chagrin, and been found to be healthy. He felt that the first 6 months of their marriage had been "clinical" enough and felt that the conception of their child deserved to be at least a little romantic. If they failed after several more months then they would proceed with a more sterile, clinical process.

During the November cycle of meds, Mac's ultrasound showed the development of several promising eggs before her HCG injection on November 10th. She excitedly called Harm to relate this information with the instructions to "be home by 18:00, without a briefcase and prepared to have fun!" He secured early to surprise her, arriving home at 14:00 with groceries in hand to prepare her favorite meal. Mac walked through the door at 18:00 to find candlelight, soft music and her husband dressed to the 9's with dinner in hand. They were ecstatic when one month later Dr. Chen reported a positive pregnancy test. They were even more ecstatic when an ultrasound at 6 weeks revealed a singleton pregnancy.

Initially all proceeded well. Much to Mac's dislike, Harm insisted on monitoring her diet. She agreed but refused to eat only vegetables. She also grumped over her loss of coffee having to settle instead for herbal tea. She continued a light exercise program, and work assignments were limited to the D.C. area—this was expedited by her position as a judge. She left JAG HQ by 18:00 each day, completing work at home as needed. Everything seemed to be going well until 4 months (18 weeks gestation) into her pregnancy. At that time, Dr. Chen noted that her blood pressure was elevated. She was started on medication and had to cut her workload to half-days limited duty. An ultrasound at 20 weeks showed the baby's growth to be lagging. She was then placed on bedrest at home. Two weeks later at 22 weeks gestation, the ultrasound showed further delay in the baby's growth and a decrease in the fluid surrounding the baby. Mac was immediately hospitalized and her care transferred to Dr. Abrahms, a high-risk OB.

Dr. Abrahms had insisted on almost complete bedrest with IV hydration and hydrotherapy in an attempt to increase the amniotic fluid that surrounded the baby. Mac hated the bedrest, but enjoyed the hydrotherapy, which basically was like spending time in a hot tub. She and Harm nonetheless complied with all restrictions in hopes of a successful pregnancy.

They were devastated 4 weeks later, at 26 weeks gestation, when Mac went into premature labor and her water broke. He remembered with distress the tearful phone call from Mac. He had been on his way to Norfolk for a meeting when his phone rang.

FlashbackApril 23rd, 2006

"Rabb"

"Harm," came Mac's soft and tearful voice over the line.

"Mac, what's wrong." Moments of silence ensued in which Harm could hear Mac's soft sobs. "Mac, baby, you're scaring me. What's wrong? Is it the baby?" he pleaded.

"Harm, I need you…I'm having contractions…my water broke…they think the baby might come. Harm it's too early. What if we loose her?" cried Mac

"Listen sweetheart, I'm coming. I was on my way to Norfolk, so it will take me a while. Hang in there, I love you." Harm hung up the phone and then dialed A.J. as he exited at the next ramp to turn around.

"Chegwidden"

"Admiral, it's Harm…look I need some help."

A.J. could hear the distress in the Harm's voice. "What is it, son? What can I do?"

"Admiral, I was on the way to Norfolk, but Mac just called. She and the baby are in trouble…I can't get there fast enough, and I don't want her to be alone…Sir, could you…" came the scared voice.

"Harm, I'm on my way. You just drive safely and get there in one piece. I'll see you when you arrive."

"Thank you, Sir…and please tell her I love her," came the tearful reply.

Harm arrived 2 hours later. As he walked into Mac's room, he found her slumped over in the bed retching into a basin. Lt. Sally Martin, her primary nurse, was rubbing gentle circles on her back trying to calm the frightened patient. Sally had been assigned to Mac's care on the first day of her admission and had proved to be a 'God-send' throughout this prolonged hospitalization. Sally knew how to provide support and encouragement, while at the same time taking great pleasure in teasing the marine colonel and navy captain to keep their spirits high. As Harm carefully approached the bed, Sally looked up and quietly noted, "It's the medications. They tend to make the patient feel jittery and nauseous."

"What med…" cracked Harm's voice. He cleared his throat. "What medications? What's going on?" He gently sat on the bed next to Mac and began rubbing her back as Sally had been doing.

"Dr. Abrahms started her on magnesium sulfate IV. She's also had a couple of shots of Terbutaline, to try and stop her contractions."

Harm nodded at Sally with fear in his eyes. Mac slid closer into his arms and buried her face into his neck. He immediately felt wet tears on his skin even before he heard the first sobs. "Hey Marine…hang in there…It's going to be OK…I promise," he whispered just before kissing the top of her head.

"And you never make…a promise…you can't…keep," sniffed Mac with a weak voice.

Harm felt tears well in his eyes. "I don't know…if I can…keep…this one," his voice cracked as he buried his face in her hair. They hung onto each other for several minutes before noting the doctor's presence in the room.

Dr. Abrahms was a naval captain with a commanding presence. He was a tall, gray-haired gentleman with a rich baritone voice and a gentle bedside manner. His patients adored him and the nursing staff loved his attention to details. He paused to look at the distressed couple before him. They appeared to be very much in love. He understood they had married recently, but if rumors were true; they had been silently in love for a decade before they'd wed. Watching them now as they exhibited gentle caresses, quiet words and unwavering support for one another, he wondered what had taken them so long to get to this point in their lives. With a shake of his head and a slight grin, he figured he would never truly comprehend the idiosyncrasies of love. He just hoped he could give this couple the child they so desperately wanted. He slowly approached the bed wishing it wasn't necessary to have the difficult discussion, which was about to occur. He loved his profession when all went well producing a beautiful healthy baby, but on occasions such as this, he wished he could escape to his fishing boat to enjoy the sunset, leaving the sadness to his younger colleagues.

Just as Dr. Abrahms was about to begin, Admiral Chegwidden bustled into the room. "Mac, has Harm gotten here…" A.J. stopped mid sentence noticing the doctor's presence. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to interrupt. I'll just wait in the visitor's lounge." He turned to exit the room, but was stopped by Harm.

"Admiral, please stay. You're a very important person in our lives as well as Sophie's. We'd appreciate it if you'd stay to listen to what the doctor has to say," Harm pleaded with his eyes for A.J. to understand. "Dr. Abrahms, this is Admiral Chegwidden. He was our former commanding officer. I hope you don't mind that he listens in?"

The doctor smiled at the nervous parents-to-be, "Not at all, Harm. We appreciate all the support that you and Sarah can get." Turning to the Admiral, "Sir, how long were you their commanding officer?"

The Admiral smirked, "9 years for the Captain and 8 years for the Colonel."

"I bet you could tell some tales about these two," the doctor laughed before turning to Harm and Mac.

"You don't know the half of it," laughed A.J. "They could test the patience of a saint, but I've never had finer officers. My only regret was telling them not to get 'too familiar' when they first met. It took them nine years to get their act together, despite what all the rest of us could see immediately! Maybe if I'd kept my thoughts to myself we wouldn't be here right now," A.J. sobered.

"Yes well, we've heard rumors of their tales…but I'm sure that they appreciate all your concern now," Dr. Abrahms replied as he pulled up a chair next to the hospital bed.

"Harm and Sarah, we have some serious issues to discuss and some hard decisions to make," Dr. Abrahms began as he looked up into the terrified faces of the couple before him. The lovely colonel was swiping at tears as they fell from her eyes, and the captain nodded stoically, while grabbing for her hand. "The events of today have negatively impacted on my hopes for the successful outcome of this pregnancy." Mac quietly released a sobbing breath as Harm pulled her closer. "As you know this has been a difficult pregnancy. You are currently only 26 weeks into a 40 week pregnancy. If you were any other couple with a normal pregnancy before today, a baby delivered at 26 weeks would have approximately a 70 chance at survival. However your baby is severely undergrown. She should be about 2 pounds by now, but actually only weighs just over 1 pound at this time. Again babies at this weight can survive, but there are so many other things to consider. The most salient feature to consider at this point is your baby's lung development. The huge majority of infants born at this time have immature lungs. Now my neonatal colleagues can successfully treat this condition, but in your baby's case…"

"Her name is Sophie…" Mac quietly interjected.

"What, I'm sorry…I didn't hear you?" replied Dr. Abrahms.

"Sophie…I said her name is Sophie…Could you please refer to her by her name…and not just the baby?" came Mac's tearful reply.

"Of course," Dr. Abrahms sympathetically smiled back. "In Sophie's case, her lungs are not just immature, but are too small as a result of the low fluid surrounding her."

"I don't understand," Harm shook his head. "What does the amniotic fluid have to do with her lungs?"

"While babies are developing, they are suspended in fluid giving them plenty of room to move around and grow. In Sophie's case, the oligohydramnios, or low fluid, has put restrictions on her movements and growth. Specifically, it can restrict how her chest grows. Thus her lungs may be too small to support breathing outside the womb. Now all babies with low fluid don't develop pulmonary hypoplasia." At Harm's questioning look, Dr. Abrahm's explained further. "Pulmonary hypoplasia is just a long name to describe undergrown or small lungs." At this Harm nodded solemnly. Dr. Abrahms smiled and continued, "The problem with your pregnancy Sarah, is that the low fluid volume occurred during a critical stage of lung development. I'm afraid if we deliver Sophie now, that she very well may not have enough lung development to survive."

At the last statement, Mac buried her face into Harm's neck and began to cry in earnest. Harm pulled her closer as his own eyes glazed over with unshed tears. "Are you saying that Sophie has no chance of…sur… surviving?" his voice broke as he asked the question.

"No, I'm not saying that her chances are zero," the doctor shook his head. "But they aren't necessarily good either. I think if we can just prolong the pregnancy a little longer; things might improve to a certain extent."

The Admiral smiled as he saw Harm's posture straighten upon hearing the last statement. 'That's it Harm, where is that fighting spirit that I know both of you have. Don't give up on your little girl just yet,' A.J. silently encouraged as he stared into Harm's eyes.

Summoning his courage again, Harm got down to the business he understood best, finding solutions for the impossible--And who better to fight for than his 'little princess.' "What do we have to do?"

The doctor understood the nonverbal response also being expressed and proceeded to lay out the clinical course ahead. "I suggest that we keep Sarah on medications to try and stop the preterm labor. She is currently on a magnesium IV drip. We will continue the drip for several days until the contractions stop or she delivers. She is also receiving IV antibiotics to prevent or stop any infection that might develop from the ruptured membranes," he stopped at Harm and Mac's questioning looks. "I'm sorry, your broken bag of water," the couple nodded at this explanation. "Sarah, you have also been given the first of 2 injections of steroids. The second will be given in 24 hours; we would like to get at least an additional 24 hours time beyond the second shot before delivery. The steroids are to help Sophie's lungs to mature; they will not however fix lungs that are too small." Harm nodded in understanding that this was still Sophie's biggest obstacle to survival. "You will also stay on complete bedrest until you deliver. Best-case scenario, I would like to get you past 36 weeks before delivering. If we can get to 32 weeks, while at the same time get the leaking membranes to seal, reestablish good amniotic fluid levels, keep you out of preterm labor and get Sophie to grow—we just might have a chance here. However, that is a lot of ifs, so we need to take it one day at a time and not get so bogged down in the minutia that we give up hope…I trust everyone is of the same mind?" queried the doctor.

Mac stared ahead overwhelmed but slowly nodded agreement. Harm smiled and replied, "Yes Sir, let's get to work…I'm not giving up on my little girl."

The doctor nodded in acceptance and rose from the chair to leave the room. The admiral gave Mac a hug and Harm a firm handshake before following suit. A.J. paused outside the door and quietly mused, "Why can't these two catch a break. They took so long to get to this point, shouldn't they get a chance at a little happiness?" he shook his head as he walked towards the elevator.

Harm cuddled with Mac for a couple more hours until she had fallen asleep. Neither of them were sleeping well while apart, so if Mac needed his shoulder for a pillow he was happy to oblige. He slipped out from under her giving her a final light kiss on the lips before heading for the door. It was already 21:30 on what had been a very long day. He walked silently down the hall to head home.

As he left the room, Mac opened her eyes. She hadn't really been sleeping, but knew that Harm needed to get home before he was too tired to drive. She leaned over to open the bedside table and removed a white gift box. Harriet had brought the gift the day before. It was the softest pink velour baby sleeper she had ever seen. It had small rosebuds embroidered into the fabric with delicate lace around the collar and sleeves. Harriet had noted that most parents bring their baby girls home in 'stiff, over-sized lacy' dresses, but she thought baby Sophie should come home in something soft.' Mac knew it was Harriet's way of giving her a 'goal' to shoot for to keep her hopes up. Mac tenderly caressed the soft sleeper to her face and cried for the daughter who might never wear it.

Across town, Harm pulled his SUV into the garage of their two-story home. He slowly climbed the stairs to their bedroom, pausing at the door to the nursery on the way. He entered the room bypassing the switch for the overhead light in favor of the small delicate china lamp on the dresser. He had wanted to start on the nursery as soon as they found out they were expecting. Mac had talked him into waiting since they didn't know the baby's gender. He knew she was afraid to tempt fate so early in the pregnancy. She had finally acquiesced to start renovating once the ultrasound confirmed they were having a little girl. Harm immediately began the carpentry work installing a window seat to overlook the backyard. There was a large cherry tree just outside the window and beds of flowers encircled the walks. He could just picture Sophie sitting in the window seat watching the flowers and planning her future. He'd carefully installed crown moldings, wainscot and chair rails to complete the room. Mac had chosen a soft pink paint for the lower wainscot and a rich cream for the upper walls and trim. The ceiling had been painted a soft blue with white fluffy clouds to mimic the sky. Mac had been in the process of painting a mural on 2 of the walls with wispy trees and flowers and fairy sprites tucked in between to watch over Sophie as she slept. The crib was still in the center of the unfinished room. They had found the crib at a specialty baby boutique and Harm knew his 'princess' had to have it. It was a wrought iron cream color with delicate rosebuds and finials, and there was a large canopy top. He had also picked out the bedding, which was a combination of pink, light green and cream florals and stripes. Mac had laughed at his extravagant choice, but he had insisted it was what Sophie needed. He had completed the bed with a soft cream chenille stuffed bunny with a large pink bow. They had had to stop working on the room when Mac went on bedrest. As he looked at the unfinished nursery, he had to wonder if Mac had been right. Maybe they had tempted fate. He picked up the soft bunny and rubbed it against his cheek. The tears began to fall as he collapsed to the floor. Harm wondered in agony if he would ever be able to bring his baby girl home to her enjoy the room they had lovingly created.

End of Flashback


	2. Chapter 2

_AN: This chapter contains a fairly lengthy medical consultation with the neonatologist. I did this on purpose, to get the medical info into the story without having to break up the flow later on. This prenatal consultation is exactly what I would tell a family, about what to expect with a sick infant. I generally do these consultations prior to the birth, so the family knows what to expect. I hope I don't bore you with the facts, but it's important for the next few chapters of the story…and I promise the drama of the story will pick-up quickly, thereafter. Thanks for reading._

_For disclaimers see chapter 1._

Part 2 

19:30

Friday, May 19th, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Cafeteria

Harm was jostled out of his daydreams by the sound of children squealing. He looked up from his coffee to see a young petty officer with 4 small children. The petty officer approached Harm's table, "Excuse me, Sir…would you mind if I borrowed one of the chairs from your table?"

"No, go right ahead…you look like you have your hands full," smiled Harm.

"Yeah, my wife just gave birth to number five. That leaves me in charge of the tribe for a few days…I just hope I survive," he grimaced as one of the kids threw a cup at her sibling. "You know we never planned on having this many kids, but somehow God thought otherwise."

"Yeah, I guess you're just lucky that way," Harm replied with a fading smile.

"I don't know if I'd call it lucky, but it's never boring," the petty officer smirked. "Look, I'm sorry sir…I better run interference before they destroy the cafeteria," the petty officer quickly took off to stop the food fight that was about to ensue.

Harm continued to watch the young family, muttering to himself, "You have no idea how lucky you are." He took a sip of his now cold coffee and grimaced. A glance at his watch told him he'd already been gone a half an hour. He thought he should really get back to Mac, but mused that he might have to watch more of that movie. He couldn't comprehend what Mac and Harriet saw in that actor, what was his name, David…Elliott…James, something like that. He shook his head, 'women.' Now if the movie had had Catherine Bell in it that would have been a different story. Something about that actress reminded him of Mac.

Falling back into his daydreams, he continued to ponder his marine's pregnancy course. The medications had stopped the preterm labor and the leaking of fluid had sealed within 48 hours. Dr. Abrahms had been able to stop the IV magnesium after a week; instead changing Mac to meds by mouth. Mac, to her credit, had remained on strict bedrest just as ordered. In fact, Harm had even had some fun helping her with a sponge bath or two. He had even snuck in some contraband food, including hamburgers and steak, when no one was looking. When Mac questioned his offering of meat, he replied with a shrug, "I figure if you put on weight then Sophie will put on weight. What's more fattening then meat!" Mac laughed at his logic, but enjoyed the treats nonetheless. An ultrasound 1 week later showed reaccumulation of some of the amniotic fluid and Sophie had gained a half of a pound, the burgers were paying off. A follow-up ultrasound, on May 10th showed that the fluid level was almost back to normal and Sophie had almost cracked the 10th percentile on the growth curve. Dr Abrahms was happy with Mac's progress and even contemplated giving her back bathroom privileges. All seemed to be progressing according to plan until one week ago.

xxxxxxxxxx Flashback xxx Friday, May 12th, 2006 xxxxxxxxxx

Harm walked into Mac's room during lunchtime. He'd taken an hour lunch break to come eat with her. When he got close to the bed, he noticed that Mac was rubbing her leg and grimacing. "What's up Marine, muscles getting soft from lounging around in bed," he smirked.

"No, thank you very much. My legs just ache…they're kind of swollen too," she grumped as she pulled back the blankets.

Harm's eyes widened in shock when he saw the size of Mac's feet and ankles, "How long have they been like that?"

"I don't know, since yesterday I guess," she whined rubbing at her uncomfortable feet. "You wouldn't think they would swell like this when I've had them elevated in bed."

Harm's internal alarm started to jiggle, "What does the doctor say about the swelling?"

"I haven't had a chance to tell him yet. He breezed through here so quickly this morning, I'm not sure he was even here…Harm could you rub some lotion on my legs and feet; they're really uncomfortable."

Harm nodded and grabbed the lotion from the bedside table, "Is everything else OK…Your blood pressure isn't up again is it? He seemed to remember something about high blood pressure and swelling from one of the pregnancy books.

"I don't think so, the nurse didn't say anything…but then she isn't one of my usual nurses. Sally doesn't work again until tomorrow."

Harm slowly massaged the lotion into Mac's legs resulting in a groan from Mac. "Did I hurt you?" he gentled his touch.

"No, it feels great…don't stop…ever!" she said with a grin. He smiled back, but continued to be concerned. He'd have to check with the nurse before he left.

Harm gave Mac a full 30-minute leg massage before kissing her goodbye and promising to return that evening. He stopped at the nurse's station on the way down the hall. "Could you please tell me who my wife's nurse is today?" Harm questioned the unit clerk.

The clerk checked the patient assignment board, "Yes Sir…that would Phyllis…I think she just ran to lunch, can I give her a message, Sir?"

"Yes, tell her my wife's legs are really swollen and I wondered if her blood pressure was OK?" Harm replied with concern.

"I'm sure it's nothing to be concerned about but I'll pass along the message…Sorry Sir, I need to grab the phone."

Harm nodded and gestured that he'd be back that evening. He was determined to talk to Dr. Abrahms. His internal alarm was blaring now, he wanted to get back to the office and check the internet. Something just didn't seem right.

xxxxx

As Harm breezed into JAG ops, he ran straight into Harriet Sims. Grabbing her arms to stabilize the petite blonde, he muttered his apology while quickly attempting to get to his office computer.

"Captain, what's the hurry are you late for court?" Harriet inquired.

Harm stopped in his tracks and turned towards the bubbly mother of four. His eyes brightened, as he realized he had found the 'fountain of truth' for the knowledge of all things pregnant. If anyone would know about swollen legs it would be Harriet mused Harm as he recalled an earlier incident involving one pregnant lieutenant, a desk chair and a lunch date. "Harriet, when you were pregnant with Jimmy your legs were sore and swollen right?"

"Well yeah, as I recall you were the only one to show me any sympathy."

"Did your doctor say if this was normal?"

"Harm, most women exhibit swelling in their feet and legs at some point in their pregnancy. Why do you ask?"

"Mac's legs were really swollen today, but you don't think that's unusual?" queried Harm. Please say no he begged with his eyes.

"Well, I guess not, although with Mac on bedrest it might be a little more unusual. My legs tended to swell more through the course of the day."

"Were they ever swollen after you'd spent the day with your feet up?" questioned Harm.

Harriet chuckled and shook her head, "Boy do you have a lot to learn. I had a preschooler hanging on to said legs, and Bud was still getting back into stride after his injury…Captain, my feet were never up!"

Harm laughed back, "I get the picture Harriet, thanks for the info."

As he was about to head to his office, he was intercepted by Petty Officer Coates. "Captain, the Office of Homeland Security is on line one and the General would like to see you in his office in 10 minutes."

Harm sighed, "Thank you, Jen…I'll be with the General shortly." So much for his internet search he thought. He'd just have to secure early to make it back to Bethesda before Dr. Abrahms made rounds.

xxxxx

The remainder of the afternoon had been harried, leaving no time to call Mac and check-in. It was now 17:30 and he hoped he hadn't missed the doctor's evening rounds as he ran into the hospital. He met up with Dr. Abrahms just as they both approached Mac's room. "Doctor, I'm so glad I caught you. I'm really concerned about the swelling in Mac's legs, should we expect that at this point?"

The doctor looked puzzled, "What swelling…I was just going to check on Sarah, but the nurse didn't mention any swelling? Let me run grab the bedside chart and I'll be right in."

Harm nodded and proceeded into the room to check on Mac, "Hey Marine, why are the lights out…it's kind of dark in here. I just ran into Dr. Abrahms, he should be right…" Harm paused as he noticed Mac's pained expression, "Mac what's wrong? Are your legs still bothering you? You know I can rub them again once the doctor's done."

Mac looked up through squinted eyes and with a soft voice replied, "Yes they still ache, but I have a wicked headache...that's why the lights are out."

Harm started to pace just as Dr. Abrahms arrived, "Doctor, Mac also has a headache…" he started at the same time as the doctor began to speak.

"Sarah, I understand your legs…" Dr. Abrahms stopped mid sentence. "What did you say, Harm…Sarah has a headache?"

"A real doozy…" Mac answered quietly so as not to increase the throbbing.

The doctor anxiously began flipping through the bedside chart to the vital signs. He sighed, "Guys, we have a problem here."

Harm's eye opened wide, "What's wrong, now?"

"Sarah's blood pressure is markedly elevated again and I suspect the headache and swelling are associated with a condition called preeclampsia…I'll need to run a urine protein sample and some blood chemistries to be sure…I'm sorry I wasn't aware of this sooner, but the nurse taking care of Sarah today isn't one of our regulars…I don't think she noticed the changes in Sarah's condition."

"What do you mean she didn't notice," Harm exploded. "We've been on a tenuous course for weeks, how incompetent can she be," he fumed.

"Harm, calm down…my head is killing me," Mac grimaced. Harm threw a sheepish look her way in apology. "I didn't tell the nurse about the swelling because I didn't think it was important…and the headache just started an hour ago."

Dr. Abrahms approached the bed and began to examine his patient. He tested reflexes, pushed on her abdomen and checked her eyes. "Alright Sarah, let me get something ordered for your headache and we'll get those labs sent…I'll be back to talk to you both in about an hour once I have the results." The doctor breezed out of the room to find the nurse.

Harm circled back to the bed and sank restlessly into the bedside chair. Mac peered up and grabbed his hand to still his movements. "Harm, you need to calm down…your nervousness isn't helping you or me," she whispered.

"Sorry, I just can't believe after things were starting to look up…" his voice cracked. "Sarah, I'm just so scared…what if…"

"I know Sailor, but I really need you to keep it together for both Sophie and me right now…I don't feel well enough to be the strong one," she grimaced with tears collecting in her eyes.

"Hey, hey don't worry…we'll get through this too. We've survived the last 11 weeks of ups and downs, I'm not gonna quit now," he settled onto the bed beside her and pulled her close. "Dr. Abrahms just needs to give us the next battle plan," he placed a gentle kiss on her temple. "Just lie back and rest until the nurse comes back with your pain meds."

A few minutes later, the nurse arrived with supplies in hand. "I'm sorry Captain but you'll have to move while I collect the Colonel's blood and urine samples. Sarah, I'm going to need to start an IV again and catheterize you to collect a 24-hour urine sample. Dr. Abrahms wants me to restart the magnesium drip."

Harm began to pace the small room. "Why are you starting magnesium again, she's not in labor?" His fingers now running through his hair at a feverish pace. "And why didn't you note all these changes earlier, you should have been paying closer attention…"

"Harm, STOP!" Mac cried. "You need to calm down, this isn't helping…why don't you go down to the cafeteria while the nurse does these procedures."

"I'm not leaving you."

"Sir, you're upsetting your wife and that will only exacerbate her high blood pressure…she needs to stay calm. Why don't you do as she suggested and get something to eat…Dr. Abrahms won't be back for at least an hour…I promise to page you if he comes sooner."

Harm's eyes pleaded with Mac to stay, but she slowly shook her head 'no.' He could see the pain in her eyes and finally acquiesced. Grabbing his jacket, he headed for the door, "I'll be back in 30 minutes. Hang in there…I love you."

When Harm returned 30 minutes later Mac was sleeping quietly. He settled into the chair to wait for the doctor's return. Dr. Abrahms entered the room shortly thereafter with a solemn look on his face. Harm gently aroused Mac from her sleep, "Honey, the doctor's here…you need to wake up so we can talk." Mac slowly stirred and then quickly came to attention as she noticed Dr. Abrahms' expression.

"Sarah…Harm, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that the lab work confirms the diagnosis of preeclampsia. As you know, Sarah, you developed hypertension early in pregnancy. This had previously been well controlled with medication. However, your blood pressure is again elevated despite the meds, and you are now spilling protein in your urine, the 24-hour urine sample with tell us to what extent. This setback will most likely alter our management plans for delivery."

"What do you mean by alter, I thought you wanted to get to at least 32 weeks and hopefully longer before Sophie is born…Mac's only 29 weeks now…you aren't planning on delivering her now are you?" Harm nervously questioned.

"No I don't plan to deliver the baby tonight…but I don't know that we'll make it to 32 weeks either. The good news is that Sarah's liver functions and platelets are normal…if they had been affected I would have been forced to intervene sooner. For the time being, I've restarted Sarah on a magnesium drip, this should help her blood pressure come down and stabilize her neurological status." At that phrase both Harm and Mac's eyes widened. "Don't worry, I just want you to remain on bedrest…try to stay calm and relaxed," at that suggestion he raised an eyebrow toward Harm. "Dad, I need you to work on being a little more laid back; I don't want Sarah to be upset." Harm glanced down to his feet with a chastised expression.

"I also want to perform an amniocentesis on you tomorrow, Sarah. At her questioning look he continued, "I need to collect some amniotic fluid from around the baby to check the status of her lung maturation. We gave you steroids about 3 weeks ago when you were in preterm labor to help Sophie's lungs mature. I need to know if they worked, in case, I need to make a decision about delivery. If the lung studies are immature, I will want to put off delivery as long as possible. The amniocentesis involves placing a needle into the sac around Sophie to collect the fluid. We would do this under ultrasound guidance so that the needle stays far away from Sophie and the placenta."

"Is the procedure dangerous for Sophie or Mac?" Harm questioned.

"I will give Sarah a local anesthetic so that she should feel very little pain. The skin is cleaned with an antiseptic solution to decrease the risk of infection, and by using the ultrasound to guide the needle insertion we can usually prevent any bleeding from the umbilical cord or placenta. There is a slight risk of preterm labor after the procedure, but in this case that risk is low and the need for the lung information out weighs that risk."

"Will this tell you if Sophie's lungs are undergrown," asked Mac.

"No, I'm afraid we won't know the answer to that question until after Sophie is born…I wish I could be more helpful. I am going to have a neonatology colleague of mine come talk to you about what to expect with preterm infants…I think at this point, it's a sure bet that Sophie is going to come early. Do you have any other questions?" At Harm and Mac's negative reply Dr. Abrahms got up to leave the room. "Hang in there guys, Sophie needs you to stay strong and optimistic," with a smile and a wave he was gone.

Harm climbed back onto the bed and pulled Mac close, "I'm gonna have to call the General to get tomorrow off."

Mac shook her head, "Harm, I'm a big girl and it's a simple procedure…you don't need to be here."

"Not an option, Marine…you couldn't keep me away tomorrow, but I do promise to try and behave," he said with a grin. "You know patience was never one of my virtues. Besides, Dr. Abrahms said that the neonatologist would come by to talk to us…I have tons of questions to ask, but I'll try and tone it down," he said with 'flyboy' grin firmly in place. "Why don't you settle down here and try to get some sleep."

"Harm, you need to head home before you're to tired to drive…I worry about you staying so late."

"I promise to leave soon…I just miss having you in my arms…so humor me and snuggle in for awhile," he sighed as she did just as instructed.

Just as she started to nod off, she looked up, "I love you, you know…I'm glad you're the one going through this with me…I never imagined having a baby with anyone else," she smiled.

"I love you too, always have…I never imagined the mother of my children being anyone but you…Now close those eyes and go to sleep," he mused while leaning over to place a kiss on her lips.

Twenty minutes later, he was awakened by the nurse, "Captain, you need to go home…Sarah will be fine tonight, and you have a busy day tomorrow."

"I know, but neither of us sleep well when we're apart…I don't suppose I can spend the night?" he said with a grin.

"Go home, Captain!"

"Yes, Ma'am," he laughed as he rose from the bed. He leaned over to give Mac one last kiss. "Sleep well, Marine…I love you," was whispered as he walked out the door.

xxxxx

The following morning, Harm arrived by 08:00 with two bagels, a cup of coffee for him and herbal tea for Mac. As he handed Mac her breakfast, he greeted her with a kiss and settled into the chair. "How was your night…is your blood pressure down…how's the swelling…did Dr. Abrahms come by yet…is Sally working today, because I didn't care for the nurse from yesterday…what time is your procedure…did they say when…"

"Good morning, I love you, too," Mac interrupted with a smile.

"What?" Harm stopped in his tracks.

"Remember calm, in control, relaxed, patience, toning it down…any of these ring a bell?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot…I'll try, I promise," he slyly replied. "You can answer any of the above questions at your leisure…by the way, I have a list of questions for the neonatologist…I was on the internet until 0200…"

"Harm!"

"Stopping now…Eat your breakfast, Marine."

xxxxx

Mac was taken to a procedure room, to have the amniocentesis performed, at 10:00. As Dr. Abrahms finished the procedure, he smiled, "Well that wasn't so bad was it?"

Mac responded, "Not really, the needle stung a bit, but overall it was nothing compared to everything else I've had to go through."

The doctor turned towards Harm who was sitting in a chair in the corner, still looking somewhat pale, "Captain, how are you doing? I know that needle is really long, but Sarah did great. Based on your response, I'd say it's a good thing Sarah is having this baby instead of you."

"You can say that again," laughed Mac.

"Hey, no ganging up on the Dad here…I just didn't like seeing my girls put through that," grumped Harm. "Beside I think I'll do just fine with the delivery."

"We'll see," said Mac. "I promise not to share the fact that you nearly fainted with everyone in JAG ops, if you bring me something good for lunch…and it better not be a salad or Bud and Sturgis will hear the whole story of how the big brave naval fighter pilot almost hit the floor at the sight of a little needle."

"I didn't almost hit the floor…I just needed to sit down really fast…and that little needle was at least 6 inches long…and you are not to even hint to Bud and Sturgis about that fact, or else…"

"Or else what…are you going to ground me…limit my privileges or food choices…Harm, I'm already held captive on bedrest and the food in this joint just stinks. Besides how am I going to talk to Bud or Sturgis…unless…I think Harriet was going to visit this evening…."

"Mac, I'm warning you," menaced Harm

"All right you two, I'm beginning to understand the admiral's comment about 'patience of a saint.' I'll see you two after lunch; I should have the lung maturity results by then," Dr. Abrahms noted as he left the room.

xxxxx

Dr. Abrahms found the couple playing cards when he returned that afternoon. "Who's winning?"

Mac smirked, "Me has usual, poker is his forte. Did you get the lab results?"

"Yes I did, unfortunately they showed that Sophie's lungs haven't matured yet…although, that's not uncommon at this stage in pregnancy. I had just hoped that if we had to deliver we could take that one concern out of the equation."

"Is there anything else you can do to speed up the maturation?" questioned Harm. "Maybe you could give another dose of the steroids?"

"I really don't want to expose Sophie to any more steroids at this point. The literature doesn't support giving repetitive doses. In fact, it can do more harm than good by causing growth failure of both weight and head size. Taking into account that Sophie already has significant growth failure, I really don't want to exacerbate the situation."

"So what do we do?" asked Harm.

"We'll just sit and wait. As long as we can keep Sarah's blood pressure down with the magnesium and bedrest, we have the luxury of giving Sophie time to get stronger. I've asked one of my neonatal colleagues to speak with you this afternoon. Her name is Dr. Catherine Williams. She should be able to explain some of the problems that Sophie might have after delivery. Relax you two, I'll touch base again this evening before I leave."

xxxxx

Two hours later a tall female naval commander entered the room, "Hello Sir, Ma'am, I'm Dr. Catherine Williams, the neonatologist or newborn intensive doctor. Dr. Abrahms asked that I speak with you about preterm infants. Colonel, I see from your medical record that you've had quite a difficult pregnancy. May I ask if you know if the baby will be a boy or a girl?"

"A girl," responded Mac, "and her name will be Sophia Elizabeth Rabb, but we plan to call her Sophie."

"What a beautiful name. Before I begin, please feel free to interrupt me at anytime to ask questions. I'll describe for you what might happen if Sophie were to be delivered today…but that doesn't mean that I know anything," the doctor replied with a smile, "it just allows me to explain what might happen should that occur. Do you mind if I sit down?"

"Not at all," smiled Harm. "In fact, it might be a good idea…I have lots of questions!"

The doctor smiled back, "that's great I love having a family who is involved in their child's care. Shall we begin?" At the couple's affirmative nod, she continued, "I usually start at the top of the head and work my way down, that way we don't forget to discuss anything. You are now 29 weeks into your pregnancy, is that correct?"

"Yes that's correct," confirmed Mac. "I'm sure that you've read that despite the gestational age of 29 weeks, that Sophie is very small for her age. Dr. Abrahms said that that could cause additional problems especially with her lungs."

"Yes, I did note that Sophie does have intrauterine growth restriction." At Harm's questioning look, she continued, "That just means that she's small for her age. At 29 weeks the usual chance for survival is well over 95, but in Sophie's case that survival chance is likely lower due to possible pulmonary hypoplasia."

"You mean the chance for undergrown lungs?" questioned Harm. "Dr. Abrahms said that could affect her chances to survive. Taking that into account, what are her chances?"

"Well, that's hard to predict until after she's born." At the couple's frustrated gaze, she explained further, "We can't really tell whether Sophie's lungs are too small yet. If we had other stigmata of restriction from low fluid, such as, contractures of her arms and legs, or a flat face or ears, I could confirm that her lungs would probably also be affected. However, Sophie doesn't have those findings as best we can tell by ultrasound. The fact that she doesn't have those physical findings is encouraging because it tells us there was enough fluid to allow movement and growth of those body parts. We're getting ahead of ourselves though, maybe we better go back to our original plan and start at the top. I know that you've been most focused on the lungs, but a lot things can affect survival and long term outcomes."

Harm and Mac both shifted to get more comfortable and nodded for the doctor to continue.

"Starting at the head, when babies are born early they are at risk for bleeding into the fluid spaces of the brain or the brain tissue itself." At the couples panicked look, she quickly noted, "Now the risk for an intraventricular hemorrhage, or IVH, is actually relatively low at this stage. You'll have to excuse my medical terminology, in the NICU we live in 'alphabet soup land,' so if you don't understand our abbreviations just ask. You'll get use to them after awhile. As I was saying, the risk for a brain bleed at 29 weeks is approximately 20-30, but the risk for a severe bleed is only about 10. The risk decreases markedly between 30 to 32 weeks gestation, and is close to zero after 32 weeks.

"Dr. Abrahms said that he wanted to get Mac past 32 weeks if at all possible…is 32 weeks a critical stage for most problems," asked Harm.

"In many ways 32 weeks is a critical stage for a lot of the complications that can develop. Ideally we would like to get to at least 35 to 36 weeks, because than there is a chance that the baby wouldn't even need the NICU."

"Dr. Abrahms did say that that was his original goal, but he now thinks that is unlikely to occur," noted Mac.

"Yes, with all that is going on with your pregnancy, I seriously doubt that you'll get to 36 weeks. Getting back to our discussion…we look for an IVH by doing an ultrasound through the baby's soft spot. The ultrasound won't hurt Sophie, but it does allow us to evaluate for bleeding. We usually do the first ultrasound at a week of age."

"So if the ultrasound is normal then Sophie won't have any neurological problems," stated Harm with a pleading voice.

"Well, I can't actually say that. Premature infants are at risk for learning problems; although, that risk also decreases the further along in pregnancy you get. The additional factor for Sophie is again her small size. Her poor growth may have also affected her brain growth, so she's going to need close follow-up of her development throughout her first few years." Harm heaved a heavy sigh and nodded understanding. "The next problem related to the brain is having periods where babies forget to breathe." Harm and Mac's eyes again widened. "The portion of the brain that controls breathing is again not fully developed in prematures. Hence, Sophie may have periods where she forgets to breath, we call that apnea, and when that happens her heart rate may slow down, we call that bradycardia…or in alphabet soup land, those are 'A's and B's.' Most preemies have these events and I just wanted to warn you before Sophie scares you to death. She will outgrow the events before she goes home. If she is having frequent events then we can start a medication to help remind her to breathe…we actually use caffeine as a stimulant."

Harm started to laugh, "I knew she was your daughter, only a marine would want coffee after birth." Mac rolled her eyes and smacked him on the arm.

"The next topic to discuss is the lungs. Now I know that Sophie's lung studies were still immature when checked this morning. Let me explain what that means…when babies are born early they don't make enough of a chemical called surfactant…to explain what surfactant does…You know how when you blow up a balloon, it's hard to get it started, but once you do it's easy to blow up?" Harm and Mac both nodded 'yes.' "Well, surfactant helps hold Sophie's airways open so she can breathe easily…without it her airways want to collapse making it harder for Sophie to take a breath. If her lungs are immature then we will need to place a breathing tube through her vocal cords and into her windpipe in order to put her on a ventilator. Once we place the breathing tube we can actually put the surfactant chemical down the breathing tube to help her breath. Hopefully she would only need to stay on the ventilator a few days, but might still need oxygen much longer.

With tears in her eyes, Mac asked, "Does it hurt her to be on the ventilator?"

"We'd give her pain meds to keep her comfortable so she can remain relaxed and allow her lungs to heal."

"What about if her lungs are undergrown," queried Harm, while grabbing for Mac's hand to soothe her.

"In that case, Sophie may need to remain on the ventilator for a much longer period of time or we may need to try a more aggressive ventilator, called an oscillator to assist her with her breathing. Worse case scenario, neither ventilator would work and Sophie would not survive." At that remark, Mac began to quietly cry and Harm pulled her closer into a hug.

Dr. Williams gave them a few minutes to compose themselves then continued. "The other problems that we may encounter can include blood infections, anemia, jaundice, eye problems, feeding and intestinal complications. Would you like me to explain these now or come back another time?"

"No…," Harm's voice cracked. "No, please continue, we need to know what Sophie is up against."

"Of course, I know this is all a bit overwhelming…and while all of these problems are a potential risk, the odds of many of them happening are quite low. The potential for a blood infection is about 20. Babies don't fight infections as well as you or I…and all of the IV lines and ventilator tubes that we place, put the babies at risk for even normal skin bacteria to cause an infection. Initially most sick preemies are placed on antibiotics until we confirm that the blood work shows no sign of infection. The antibiotics are stopped after a couple of days if everything is negative. We will then watch Sophie very closely for signs of infection. The signs are similar to things that preemies do anyways, such as an increase in the 'forget to breathe' spells or not tolerating feedings or worsening breathing status. If any of these were to occur then we would draw blood to evaluate for an infection and start antibiotics again."

"Wouldn't it be better to just keep her on antibiotics to protect her," came Mac's tearful reply.

"No, actually that would put her at risk for infections from resistant bacteria. Our goal is to get her off antibiotics and make sure we're careful about not exposing her to extra bacteria. That means careful handwashing, getting all the IV lines and breathing tubes out as soon as possible, and utilizing breast milk to help her fight infection."

"You mentioned anemia, should I donate blood now for Sophie to use?" asked Harm.

"It's a bit too early for that just yet. We try to be careful about how much blood we draw from the babies. However when you only weigh a pound or two, it doesn't take much to drop your blood count. We often start a medication when the blood count starts to get low to help the babies increase their own blood production. And if we need blood, I feel very safe utilizing the blood from the blood bank, it's carefully screened and comes from reliable long term blood donors."

"Ok, just let me know if I can donate. I'd like to do something to help," sighed Harm.

"I understand, it's very frustrating to stand by and watch, but just being there for Sophie day-in and day-out is often therapy enough," smiled the doctor. "Colonel, do plan to breastfeed?"

"I really wanted to breastfeed, but is that even possible given how sick Sophie is likely to be?"

"Absolutely…initially Sophie will be fed through her IV with a solution that contains sugars, fats and proteins… but once she is ready to begin feedings into her gut, we prefer to use breast milk."

"How is that possible, won't she be too little?"

"To start with, we'll feed Sophie through a tube inserted into her nose and down into her stomach…once she is a little older then we'll begin allowing her to try feeding by mouth. Babies don't really know how to feed by mouth until at least 32 weeks, and don't do it well until 34 to 36 weeks. Feeding is usually what keeps them in the hospital the longest and is the most frustrating for parents."

"But if she can't feed by mouth, then how do I breastfeed her?"

"We'll have you start pumping your breasts after delivery. It takes 3-4 days for your milk to come in so don't get discouraged. We will feed Sophie what you provide. Breast milk is the one medication that only you can give your baby and it is one of the most important since preemies tolerate it best. It also helps to prevent blood and intestinal infections. One of the ways to help with your milk supply is do something called 'kangaroo care.' Once Sophie's breathing has stabilized, we'll let you hold her skin-to-skin. We'll place the baby on your chest under your clothes. Your body temperature helps to keep her warm and the bonding helps Sophie to get better and grow quicker. If she happens to find your breast while she's there…you and she can have a 'good time.'"

"I know I would," laughed Harm. Mac turned into Harm and blushed feverishly.

The doctor chuckled, "You don't get out of this Dad…we allow fathers to 'kangaroo' too. You just don't have to breastfeed." Harm blushed in return, while it was Mac's turn to laugh.

"Most of the rest of the problems are pretty routine baby issues, such as jaundice. If you've ever been around a newborn, you've noticed that their skin gets yellow…that's jaundice. All babies get jaundiced, preemies are just a little slower at clearing it…so Sophie will get to sunbathe under some special lights…that should take care of the problem. Because she will be small and not have a lot of fat to keep her warm, she'll be placed in an incubator to keep her temperature up and help her grow. I would expect her to be in the hospital at least 7 to 8 weeks, maybe longer depending on how she does. Do you have any other questions?"

"Will she be OK long term after she comes home or can we expect her to have significant problems?" asked Harm.

"When a baby is born this early they are at risk for long term problems. These might include asthma, learning disabilities, cerebral palsy, or vision and hearing problems. In most instances, we don't know if these are gonna occur when a baby leaves the hospital. Certain things can increase the risk of these complications; such as asthma after being on a ventilator, or cerebral palsy and learning disabilities with a brain bleed. But even if these problems occur in the NICU, Sophie may still do well long term. She will just need to be followed closely by her pediatrician for developmental milestones. In addition, we run a follow-up clinic here at Bethesda. We like to follow all the small preemies born at less than 3 pounds-5 ounces, to ensure that their development is progressing appropriately. If we see delays, then we refer the babies for therapies as indicated. Therapy won't make the problems go away, but it will help both you and Sophie learn how best to deal with them."

"Any other questions?" At the couple's negative reply, the doctor rose from the chair. "At this point I like to give the parents a tour of the NICU. It's kind of nice to see all the equipment before it's actually on your baby…less scary that way. Colonel, since you're on bedrest I'm afraid you won't be able to come. Captain, are you interested in a tour?"

"Sure," sighed Harm with a nervous voice. "Mac, do you care if I go?"

"Not at all, you can come back and give me a report," she smiled.

Harm started for the door, but then turned back to give Mac a quick kiss. "I love you…I'll be right back…sure you're OK?"

"Go ahead Dad, I'll be waiting…Love you, too."

xxxxx

Harm came back 20 minutes later, pensive and quiet. "Hey, how was the tour?" asked Mac.

"Scary," was his overwhelmed reply as he slid onto the bed and pulled her into a hug. "The babies are so small, and they're hooked up to all kinds of monitors and equipment. There are alarms going off constantly. Mac, do you think Sophie can survive all this…because I don't know if I can. I was terrified in there…the doctors and nurses just go about their business as if everything's normal…but I…"

"I know Harm…but we'll get through this together. We have to for Sophie's sake. We're not giving up on our 'princess,' remember."

"Yeah, I do…thanks, sweetheart," he murmured into her hair as he kissed the top of her head. Mac cuddled in close as they both contemplated the events of their stressful day.

xxxxxxxxxx End of Flashback xxxxxxxxxx

Harm was again jostled from his reminiscing by the same petty officer. "Sir, thank you for the use of the chair," he nodded as he placed it back under Harm's table.

"Heading home, Petty Officer," smiled Harm.

"Yes Sir, the tribe is getting restless. I need to get them home to bed…thankfully the cafeteria is still standing. Thank you again, Sir…have a nice evening."

Harm nodded back, "Same to you, Petty Officer."

Harm glanced at his watch and noted that he'd now been gone for an hour. Mac was gonna kill him. He got up quickly to get the requested ice cream and headed upstairs. He passed Sally at the nurse's station on the way to Mac's room, "You're here late tonight."

"Yes Sir, we were short staffed and the paperwork never seems to end. Have a nice evening, Captain."

Harm breezed into the room exclaiming, "Mac, I got chocolate ice cream with chocolate fudge sauce and chocolate sprinkles. That should be enough chocolate to send even you into sugar overload…" the comment died on his lips as he noticed that Mac appeared to be sleeping. As he quietly approached the bed, he whispered, "Mac, are you asleep?"

"Haaarm," came Mac slurred response. "I don't…feel…very…good."

"What's wrong, sweetheart? Should I get the nurse?" The words were barely out of his mouth, when Mac's monitor began to alarm for a low breathing rate. To his horror, Mac's arms and legs began to jerk rhythmically as her body thrashed around in the bed. As he ran closer to the bed, the fetal monitor that assessed Sophie's heart rate began to blare as the audible signal for the heart rate began to slow. He momentarily froze at the scene before him, 'how could this be happening now…what else could possibly go wrong.' As he reached for the call button to summon the nurse, Sally came running into the room.

"Captain, what's going on…" Sally began but instantly stopped when she noted the look of panic on his face. She quickly ran to the bed and maneuvered it flat as she pulled the oxygen mask from the wall.

Sally yelled into the call remote, "Call a code and get anesthesia and Dr. Abrahms in here stat…the colonel's seizing, I need Ativan and the code cart in here now…Call the OR and set-up for an emergency C-section!"

Harm backed away from the bed in shock as medical personnel rushed into the room. Words began to blur, "Seizure…fetal distress…oxygen…intubate…need to move now…crash section…." One of the staff ushered him quickly from the room to wait in the hall, "I'm sorry Sir, but you'll need to stay out of the way. Someone will be with you shortly."

"Wha…What's…happening…are they going to be OK?" he whispered aghast.

"Sir, I really can't answer your questions. You'll have to wait for Dr. Abrahms."

At that moment, Dr. Abrahms hurried to Harm's side. "Harm we're gonna have to perform an emergency C-section. Someone will be out in a minute with a consent to sign."

"But…what's going on…I…I don't understand…I…I…didn't think you wanted…to deliver Sophie yet."

"Harm, listen I don't have a lot of time to explain. Sarah is having a seizure due to the preeclampsia. I need to deliver the baby to get the preeclampsia under control…and Sophie's heart rate is dangerously low…if we don't get her out we might lose both of them…I'm sorry, but I have to go!"

Harm nodded his assent and gaped as he watched Mac being rushed from the room to the surgical suites. She had a breathing tube in place in her mouth and medical staff surrounding the bed as orders were barked at a furious pace.

Sally appeared moments later with a surgical consent for him to sign. He scribbled his barely legible name to the form at the indicated line and then slowly backed up into the hallway and slid down the nearest wall. With tears in his eyes he looked down into the ice cream cup that he still clutched in his hand and with shaking breaths began to sob.

Sally had grabbed Mac's hospital chart and started down the hall when she looked up to see Harm collapse. She quickly opened the chart to locate the contact number and dialed. "Admiral Sir, you need to come to the hospital immediately…the Captain is going to need you."


	3. Chapter 3

_AN: Thank you for the wonderful reviews & the interest in the story. I love what I do & it's great to have an opportunity to share it with others. Your reviews have really helped me. Several of my nursing staff knew I wrote this story & I had promised them a CD with the completed story to read at their leisure. Your reviews have shown me that this story is best read in little snippets as I'm posting. You see…you're becoming involved in this story and the healthcare of the Rabb family, much the same way as the parents of my patients. They don't get to turn to the 'last page' and find out the ending. They have to live it moment-by-moment and day-by-day. In that way, you get a greater understanding of what my 'brave little fighters' and their parents experience. So, I'm now sending my nursing staff to a web site to read the story in daily allotments. I think it will be enjoyed and understood better that way. Thank you, again._

_For disclaimers see chapter 1._

Part 3 

Sally Martin approached the naval captain with concern. She reached down and gently touched his shoulder to get his attention, "Captain, Sir…Captain…Harm."

At the sounded of his name, Harm looked up through glazed eyes. "Wha…What?"

"Captain, are you going to be alright. Sir, there is a family waiting area around the corner if you'd like to sit down." Sally regarded the grief-stricken man with concern, "I've called the admiral to come wait with you. He's on his way."

Harm looked back down into the cup of melting ice cream. "I got her chocolate…with chocolate sauce…and sprinkles," came the soft broken reply.

"I'm sorry, Sir. I don't understand?"

"Chocolate…she wanted chocolate ice cream…I…I was gone to long," his voice again broke.

"Sir, the colonel was fine when you left. This came on suddenly, Dr. Abrahms had just checked on her 20 minutes before. The only sign of trouble was that her blood pressure was higher. This wasn't your fault."

"But you said to keep her quiet…I was arguing about the TV program…I shouldn't have…" came a guilty whisper.

"Sir, I was teasing you and the colonel. I didn't mean to imply that you had done anything wrong. Look, I'm sorry to leave you, but I need to get to the OR. We're understaffed tonight, and I don't want to leave the colonel until she's more stable. The admiral should be here soon, can I call anyone else for you?"

"No…Please take care of Mac and Sophie…I'll be fine…Go."

As the nurse hurried down the hall, Harm once again stared into the cup of melting ice cream. With a sigh, he wondered if things would ever be easy for the two of them. He quietly contemplated the last year of their life and the events that had gotten them to this miraculous point.

xxxxxxxxxx Flashback xxx December 2004 xxxxxxxxxx

After Mac's car accident, he'd spent the night in the hospital at her bedside. They'd talked for a long while before Mac fell asleep. She acknowledged that she'd been pushing him away and vowed to stop that behavior. They'd both fallen asleep holding hands.

Mac awoke the following morning confused at his presence in her room, but slowly remembered the events of the previous evening. She was initially somewhat reserved and reluctant to accept his help, but Harm refused to accept any backward steps. He had driven her home and spent the next couple of days taking care of his marine. Mac, for her part, enjoyed his close presence but still found it hard to emotionally 'let go' after the turmoil of the previous year. Harm had understood he would need to take things slowly, but giving up on Mac was not an option that he would allow. She was as essential to his life as the air that he breathed. He'd tried to survive without her in the months following Paraguay, but that was all that it was—SURVIVING. Mac had been the joy in his life for the 2 years prior to that CIA debacle. They had grown closer after her failed engagement, or the 'Bugme Years,' as he preferred to call that particular fiasco in their lives. The events surrounding his arrest and Paraguay had tilted the axis that stabilized both their lives, sending them spinning in opposite directions and into their own personal 'hells.' They were both miserable despite the outward appearances they tried to portray to the outside world. Neither was complete without the other, and both they and their friends suffered the consequences of that charade.

Hence began the slow progression of their relationship once again from partners, back to best friends and eventually to husband and wife. They started with lunches away from the office and working dinners at each other's apartment, this progressed to casual meals out, trips to the movies, and walks in the park. There were casual touches, a hand laced through an arm, a kiss on the cheek goodnight, or a hand to the small of the back. Before either was consciously aware, they found themselves dating while never actually referring to their outings by that term. Their friends were thrilled; however, none of them were confidant enough to use such words as 'couple, date or relationship' for fear of disrupting the delicate balance that had again taken hold in their small circle.

One evening in early March, Harm and Mac found themselves working on a case at his apartment. They'd been sent to Norfolk to investigate the death of a naval commander recently on leave from his duties on the USS Patrick Henry. The carrier had docked the week before and the commander had been found dead in his apartment 24-hours later. They'd spent the last several days interviewing witnesses, taking statements and reviewing evidence from the crime scene. It seemed only natural to have dinner together to discuss the case after they had arrived back in town that afternoon. Harm had agreed to cook and Mac brought dessert. They found themselves seated on the floor of the living room with witness statements, evidence files and depositions spread across the coffee table and floor. They'd been working in perfect concert passing files back and forth to one another even before requested, when Harm looked up to study Mac. He pondered the fact that she seemed different, relaxed, easy going, and happy. While those adjectives were all correct, that wasn't the word he was looking for; as he weighed the emotions further, his eyes widened with wonder—'contentment.' That was the word he was searching for, Mac was content. He smiled, maybe now was the perfect time to broach the subject of 'us.'

"Mac, could you pass me the Davidson deposition?" Passing the requested file, she never looked up from her notes. "Mac?"

"Yes, Harm."

"Remember in the hospital, when you said you'd been pushing me away? You said you'd stop doing that." Mac nodded with a puzzled expression. Both continued reviewing the paperwork looking up once for a quick glimpse of the other.

"Mac?"

"Yes, Harm."

"Remember on the beach at Manderlee when I told you to let me know when you're ready?" He continued to flip through papers.

"Yes, Harm." Mac reached for another file.

Harm casually asked, "Well, do you know when that might be?" He took a sip of his coffee.

"I'll let you know, OK," another page flipped.

Harm sighed, "Sure, Mac," and set the coffee cup down and went back to his paperwork.

"Harm could you pass me the evidence file."

"Sure, Mac," he passed the file without his eyes ever leaving the paperwork on his lap.

"Harm?" she casually asked, continuing to peruse the file.

"Yeah, Mac."

"Would now be OK?" she casually replied with a subtle smile on her lips.

"You mean NOW, now, Mac."

Her eyes continued to review the documents, "Yes, Harm now."

Harm shifted and smiled but never looked away from his work. "Sure Mac, now would be fine."

"Good," she took a bite of her dessert.

Five minutes later, "Mac?"

"Yes, Harm."

"Could you hand me another pen, mine's out of ink," Mac nodded and reached for a pen still reading her file. Harm grabbed the pen never glancing her way, "You know I love you, right?"

"Yes, Harm," came the casual response. Several minutes later, she rose from the floor to head into the kitchen. "Harm, do you want any water, that dessert made me thirsty."

"Sure Mac, that'd be great," he continued to scribble on his notepad.

She opened the refrigerator door and casually threw over her shoulder, "Love you too, Harm."

Harm smiled into his paperwork. As Mac came close and extended the bottle of water in his direction, Harm grabbed her wrist and pulled her into his lap. The bottle slid to the floor as he cradled her close and placed his hand behind her neck. "I mean it, Mac. I love you…I have for a long time," he murmured as his lips touched hers.

As they broke the kiss, her fingers played with the hair at the back of his neck. "I know…I've loved you forever, too," she whispered back just before pulling him down for another kiss.

"Mac…are all our monumental…discussions…going to be this…casual and easy…from now on?" he mumbled as he nibbled on her neck.

"I wouldn't count on it…we love to argue and banter too much…easy acquiescence would be to much to ask for from two such passionate people," she sighed has he found 'that place' behind her ear.

"Whatever you say…Maaac," he groaned as she nibbled on his crooked ear.

Their case files were soon forgotten for the evening….

xxxxx

One month later, in mid April they decided to spend a long weekend on the coast of South Carolina. A.J. had vacationed on Kiawah Island the summer before and had raved about the private island. The beaches were pristine and never crowded. The dunes and marshes were beautifully preserved. And with 6 golf courses available for use how could they go wrong. Besides, being in close proximity to Charleston offered them great dining and historical tourist attractions. Although, neither of them were actually under any fallacies that they would ever leave the island.

They had spent four days walking the beaches, playing golf and biking along the trails enjoying the beautiful island vegetation. The time spent alone away from the hustle and bustle of D.C. was just what they needed. On their last night, they'd dined by candlelight at one of the island restaurants before enjoying one final moonlit walk along the beach. They meandered hand-in-hand through the cool surf before settling onto one of the walkways to watch the stars. Harm sat back with Mac relaxing into his embrace.

She toyed with his fingers and sighed, "Harm, I don't want to go back yet."

"I know, it's been wonderful, but unless you want to be brought up on charges we're expected back on duty day after tomorrow."

"The stars are really beautiful tonight," she fidgeted in his embrace.

"Yeah they are," he pushed her hair aside to kiss her neck. He knew she was up to something; she was rarely this restless.

"Harm?"

"Yes, Mac," they were back into their casual discussion mode. He tensed slightly then pulled her closer. Something big must be bothering her.

"Harm, would…didn't you think the seafood was great at the restaurant tonight?"

He smiled, "Yes, Mac."

She sighed again, "Harm?"

He chuckled, "Yes, Mac."

She screwed up her courage and plunged ahead. He had taken the brave step to declare his love first. This time it was her turn to 'state her intentions.' She straightened her back and stared ahead, firmly gripping his hand. "Harm?"

"Yes, Mac," he shook his head with a sigh.

"Will you marry me?" she softly asked.

"Let me see the ring?" he casually replied.

"What?" she turned quickly in his arms.

"Let me see the ring?" he shrugged. "It's common place to give someone an engagement ring when you ask for their hand in marriage. Right?" he smiled back.

"Fine," she huffed and proceeded to remove her Marine Corp ring and place it on his left hand. The ring slid only as far as the first knuckle of his ring finger. "Well?"

"I'm thinking?" he smirked.

She turned back around perturbed; she had been serious and he was treating the moment like a joke.

"Mac?"

"Yes, Harm," she huffed.

"I appreciate the proposal, but the ring's a little small." She began to pull away from his grasp. He held firm, "Mac?"

"What Harm?" She replied clearly upset.

"I was wondering, would you marry me?" he smiled.

"What?" she gasped as she spun around towards him.

"Would you marry me?" he casually asked again.

Mac shook her head, "Let me see the ring."

"Fine," he settled her back facing forward between his legs. She glanced toward the ocean expecting to feel his familiar naval academy ring being placed on her finger in exchange. She gasped when instead a beautiful one-carat diamond solitaire was presented in its place. He asked once again with gentle voice, "Sarah MacKenzie will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

Eyes now shiny with tears, she nodded her head yes just before launching herself into his arms. "How…" she stuttered.

His eyes twinkled, "I had planned to ask you this evening, but you beat me to the punch. I guess for once we truly are on the same page…at the same time…in the same place," he whispered between kisses before pulling her into a tight embrace and deepening the kiss.

xxxxx

They arrived back in D.C. and were immediately inundated with tidings of congratulations and joy. Their friends were thrilled to discover that the star-crossed couple had finally come to their senses and had seen what everyone else had acknowledged from the beginning—that this pair were 'soulmates' meant to be together since their meeting in the Rose Garden. After all, how could any couple who met in 'THE ROSE GARDEN' not be destined to be paired for eternity? That, however, didn't stop their friends, family and colleagues from uttering the exasperating statement, 'It's about damn time!'

Plans were made for a small intimate wedding. Mac's biggest chore was reining in Harriet who attempted to run wild with wedding plans. And Harm was given the task of controlling his Mother from making the ceremony the most extravagant affair in recent D.C. history.

Harm and Mac instead planned a small ceremony to be officiated by Chaplin Turner at the same church that the JAG staff celebrated Christmas Eve services. The reception was to be held at the National Botanical Gardens in D.C. A.J., as his wedding gift, had called in some favors to secure the site for the evening.

With the eminent arrival of the wedding date, Harm and Mac were forced to make some difficult professional decisions. It seemed the fates were finally smiling on both of the twosome. Mac to her delight was offered a seat on the bench by Rear Admiral Morris. This allowed her to stay in the D.C. area with only brief TADs to preside over outside cases when a local military judge was unavailable. A short time after they had celebrated Mac's move to the judiciary, Harm was offered a post in the Department of Homeland Security. He would be split between the Pentagon and JAG Headquarters on paper, but would continue to spend the majority of his time at JAG ops. With the War on Terror still in full swing, neither the government nor the military wanted to lose a lawyer with Harm's talents and experience in the courtroom. He would be required to prosecute Iraqi officials and terrorists for war crimes; as well as, smoothing over political feathers at home related to monitoring and pursuing terrorists as they pertained to military interests. And to add icing to the already sweet cake, Harm's new position came with a promotion to the rank of Captain. He was more then pleased to be able to tease Mac about the fact that he now outranked her. The power of rank had its privileges even if they were only exercised at home. While Mac was thrilled for Harm, she was ecstatic, when the promotion board announced a few weeks later, her promotion to 'full-bird' colonel. The planets had again aligned and all was right again in the MacKenzie-Rabb world.

xxxxx

The week before the wedding, the couple spent a lovely evening out, first attending the symphony followed by dinner at a secluded restaurant. Over coffee and dessert, Harm presented Mac with a wedding gift. It was a beautiful white and yellow gold-filigreed locket, embedded with numerous small diamonds. The unique design sparkled even in the dimly lit restaurant. Mac smiled at the exquisite gift and slowly opened the catch. Inside she found that the locket opened to reveal several frames for photographs. In the first frame was a recent picture of she and Harm taken at Kiawah Island. The back of the locket was engraved, 'Sarah… To my best friend and one true love… Harm.' She fingered the empty frames inside the locket as she looked up with awe into Harm's eyes. "It's beautiful."

"The face of a beautiful lady deserves to be framed by an exquisite jewel on her wedding day. I wanted you to know how much you're treasured."

"Thank you," came her tearful reply. "I don't know what to say, you do make me feel treasured and special."

"You are…never forget that."

She again looked down at the locket, "What are all the frames for?"

"They're for us to fill with pictures of our children and grandchildren."

She closed her eyes as tears began to fall, "Harm you know the chances of me being able to have children are infinitesimally small. Why do you want me, when you know I can't give you the one thing you want most."

"Mac…Sarah…what I want most is you. I'm not marrying you so that you can give me children. I want you for you, if we have children that'll be the icing on the cake. If we can't have them naturally then we'll adopt…and if that doesn't work, then that's OK too, because I'll have you. I meant what I said at the Admiral's dining out, it's only important that it happens between the two of us." He raised her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss into her palm then slid it against his cheek.

"I love you, and I don't know what I did to deserve you," she whispered as tears continued to pool in her eyes.

"The feeling is mutual and I never intend to let you go," he smiled back.

xxxxx

The couple was wed the Friday evening of May 20th, 2005 in an intimate candlelight service. Chaplin Turner officiated, Bud and Harriet returned the honor of serving as Best Woman and Man, and the Admiral had the privilege of giving Mac away to the man who would love her for the rest of her life. Mac wore a simple cream silk wedding gown and Harm was resplendent in formal mess dress. For you see, Mac only recently shared with Harm her long held secret: dress whites truly were overrated, but Harm in mess dress was a long held fantasy.

After a honeymoon spent at a private beach house on St Lucia, the couple returned to settle into their new home in Maclean, Virginia. They had found the traditional brick 2-story house just 2 blocks from the Admiral's home. They had fallen in love with the house immediately. It was located on a large wooded property. The house had a center entry hall will formal living and dining rooms on either side. The kitchen, much to Harm's delight, had recently been updated with commercial grade appliances. He and Mac had recently been taking gourmet cooking classes together and had found that preparing, cooking and dining on meals as a couple could be quite a romantic endeavor. There was a study on the first floor overlooking the backyard that would work perfectly for Harm and an extra bedroom on the second floor had been converted into a work area with a more feminine flare for Mac. The master suite was also on the second floor, spreading from front to back on one side of the home. There were 2 large walk-in closets, leaving plenty of room for Mac's shoes—lots and lots of them. The master bath had both a large walk-in shower and a huge whirlpool tub. The tub alone had sold Mac on her first viewing of the house. There were 2 additional bedrooms, which the couple hoped to fill in the near future. Harm's parents, as a wedding gift, had furnished several rooms in the home, including a beautiful mahogany rice four-poster bedroom suit for the master bedroom. Trish Burnett wanted grandchildren and was more than happy to help in any way possible in the pursuit of that endeavor, even if that meant providing a romantic hideaway within the couples new home.

xxxxxxxxxx End of Flashback xxxxxxxxxx

The Admiral quickly advanced down the hospital corridor, but was stopped at the sight of the slumped man 10 feet down the way. Harm remained seated on the floor, back against the wall and head bowed. Just as he was about to proceed further, a team of medical personnel appeared rapidly pushing an incubator in his direction. Harm abruptly startled and stood as the team neared. The Admiral noted Harm's defeated demeanor and prayed for the strength and wisdom to help guide this man, nay this son, through the most difficult situation of his life.

Dr. Williams and the NICU team slowed and stopped briefly before Harm. "Captain, would you like to take a quick peek at your daughter?"

Harm gaped at the sight before him. Sophie was so small and her skin had a bluish hue. She struggled to breath around the breathing tube, which had been secured to her face. There were 2 IV lines snaking out from her belly button. "She's so small…I never imagined anything so small."

Dr. Williams nodded, "She weighs 820 grams, that is small for a baby born at 30 weeks." At Harm questioning look she continued, "That's one pound-13 ounces."

The neonatal nurse positioned at the top of the incubator nervously shifted. "Doctor we need to go to the NICU," she insisted. "Her oxygen levels are falling."

Harm's eyes widened further as he stepped away from the incubator. Dr. Williams gently stopped his retreat with a hand on his arm. "It's OK…the Captain needs to see his daughter…and Sophie needs to feel her Daddy's touch. We'll just take a moment." She opened the incubator door and guided Harm's hand inside. She nodded encouragement to the distraught father.

Harm gently touched Sophie's cheek and then ran his finger down her arm to her hand. Sophie opened her eyes and looked at her father then wrapped her small hand around his large finger. Harm marveled that her hand was barely larger than his thumbnail. At that moment Sophie closed her eyes as her monitor began to alarm.

The nurse cleared her voice to summon the doctor's attention, "We need to get moving!"

Dr. Williams nodded and began to close the incubator door. "I'm sorry Captain, but we really do need to get Sophie to the NICU," she apologized with a sympathetic look.

Harm stepped back to allow them to quickly pass. Just as he was about to collapse back to the floor, he felt a set of firm arms encircling him and offering strength. He looked up with grateful eyes surprised to be staring into the face of Admiral Chegwidden. "Sir, what are you doing here? How did you know?"

"Sally called me and told me to come. What's going on Harm?"

Harm shook his head, "I…I…don't know, Sir. One minute everything was fine and the next Mac was having a seizure…and being rushed for a C-section." His voice cracked, "Admiral, I…I…don't know if…they're going to make it…and…I…I…won't survive…if they don't."

The Admiral watched the distraught man before him as tears began to fall once again. Harm was one of the bravest men he knew, but no one could withstand the emotionally turmoil that this man had had to endure for the last few weeks. A.J. pulled the crumbling man into his arms and whispered words of support as he offered a lifeline to hang on to.


	4. Chapter 4

_For disclaimer see chapter 1. Thanks for reading._ Part 4 

Harm continued to hold onto A.J. for several more minutes, as he received the strength and support he desperately craved. He then felt the Admiral leading him toward the family waiting area. Just as they were about to round the corner, Harm looked up to see Dr. Abrahms walking their way. Harm stopped in place and waited for the doctor to join them. As the doctor came closer, Harm could see his pensive expression. "Doctor, how's Mac? Can I see her?"

"They're just moving her to the ICU," Dr. Abrahms sighed.

"The ICU? Why is she going to the ICU?"

"It's a precaution Harm. She's still asleep and on a ventilator…I want to…be able…to watch her more closely," the doctor replied, his gaze not fully meeting Harm's eyes.

"What aren't you telling me?" Harm demanded.

"Look, Sarah had a really rough time. We had difficulty controlling the seizures until we got her under anesthesia. Her blood pressure is still very high despite increasing amounts of magnesium and other blood pressure meds. We're going to need time before we can assess the full extent of her neuro…ah… her condition," the physician ran his fingers through his hair.

Harm continued to stare at the doctor, glare undeterred by the physician nervous stance, "Look Sir, you've always been straight with us, I don't need you to protect me now. I need to know what's going on with my wife."

"Harm I can't fully predict what might happen. Why don't we take it one step at a time and discuss the issues as they arise. There's no sense in discussing complications that might not occur."

"Again Sir, I respectfully disagree. I need to know what I'm up against. The two people that I love most in this world are in trouble and I need to know what to expect."

"Alright," Dr. Abrahms sighed and gestured toward a grouping of chairs in the waiting area. "Let's take a seat. My biggest concern regarding Sarah, at this time, is that she hasn't awakened from anesthesia. Now as I said before, that isn't necessarily concerning. She's received multiple medications that can sedate her. Her magnesium dosage has been markedly increased; she was put under general anesthesia and given anticonvulsants." At Harm's confused look, he explained, "Medications to control the seizures. Her blood pressure remains dangerously high despite the magnesium and additional anti-hypertensive meds. Normally, I would expect her to begin to wake up and respond once we reverse the anesthesia, but Sarah hasn't shown any response or attempted to breath on her own." Harm became increasingly restless as the doctor continued. "Harm, like I said I think we need to give her time before we can make any predictions. Her body's been put through a lot in the last hour. If her condition doesn't improve in the next 8-10 hours then we'll consider doing a CT scan of her head."

Harm's eyes widened as he swallowed hard, "Why would you need to perform a CT of her head?"

"Harm," the doctor sighed and shook his head.

"Please I need to know," he begged.

"Harm, with the degree of Sarah's high blood pressure…it can affect blood flow to the brain. If she doesn't wake-up soon, we need to assess for the possibility of an infarct," the doctor quietly replied.

"You mean a stroke!" Harm gaped.

"It's a possibility…a small possibility. Look, like I said; let's not borrow trouble before we know it exists. All of this is probably just a response to Sarah's illness and the medications she's received. We need to give her time to recover. Hang in there and don't give up on either of your girls, OK." The doctor smiled with encouragement and placed his hand on Harm's shoulder as he stood to leave.

Silently, the Admiral remained seated at Harm's side watching the younger man stoically stare after Dr. Abrahms' retreating form. He then leaned over and placed his arm around Harm's shoulders, "How are you doing son?"

"I don't know, Sir. I can't lose either of them; they're my life. I waited so long to get to this point. It's just not fair. Neither Mac or Sophie deserve any of this," he sighed never looking up from the floor.

"Harm, I think I need to make some phone calls. You know…let everyone know what's going on."

"Sir, I don't think I can deal with everyone tonight. I just need to concentrate on Mac and Sophie. I don't want to answer a lot of questions."

"I understand, son. Is there anyone you want me to contact?"

Harm thought a moment then nodded, "Yeah, Chaplain Turner. I think we could all use a few prayers right now."

"Alright, how about your Mom and Frank?"

"Not right now, Sir. I'll call in the morning when I have more information. I don't want to worry them, unless I have to…besides, it's too late for them to come tonight."

"OK, but if you want me to make the call just let me know. I know as a father, if Francesca was in trouble, I would want to know."

"I understand, Sir…but I just need a little time to regroup. I want to spend some time with Mac and Sophie by myself before everyone else shows up."

"Alright son, look it's 21:30 now, how about I call Bud, Harriett and Sturgis in about an hour." At Harm's panicked look, he continued, "Just to let them know what's happened. I'll tell them not to come until morning. They won't be able to see either of 'your girls'," this elicited a small smile in response from Harm, "until morning…but they can offer their prayers and support in the mean time. They'll want to know what's been going on, and you've always been there for them. They'd feel terrible if I didn't let them know."

"Sure Admiral, that'll be fine. I think I'm gonna swing by the ICU to check on Mac," Harm softly answered in response as he slowly rose from the chair and started down the hall.

As he passed the nurse's station he ran in Sally, "Captain I'm really sorry; I hope all goes well for the colonel and Sophie. Hopefully she'll be transferred from the ICU back down here in a day or two."

Harm peered back puzzled, "I thought you only took care of prenatal patients on this wing?"

"When a baby is admitted to the NICU or dies, they like to put the mother on this floor rather than postpartum." She noticed Harm's reaction to the word 'dies' and quickly continued, "That way the mother and father don't have to be exposed to families as they…celebrate…or babies crying…" she stumbled over the words. "Anyway, I hope I get to take care of the colonel again. Take care, Sir." Harm nodded his appreciation and turned to start back down the hall.

"Sir," Harm turned back toward the nurse. "Would you like me to take that?" Sally pointed toward the ice cream cup that he still held in his left hand.

Harm stared at the melted concoction and held it out to Sally. "I didn't realize I still had it…I guess it won't do Mac much good now," he sighed.

"You can get her some more in a few days when she's back down here complaining about the food again," Sally grinned.

"We'll see," he whispered skeptically and continued on down the hall.

xxxxx

22:00

Friday, May 19th, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Surgical ICU

As Harm approached the nurse's station, in the surgical ICU, he was greeted by a harried unit clerk, "May I help you, Sir."

"Yes, I'm Captain Rabb. My wife, Colonel Sarah MacKenzie-Rabb, was brought up here after her C-section. I was wondering if I could see her."

"I'm sorry, Sir…but postpartum is on the 2nd floor. If you'll excuse me; it's been a busy evening."

"Look Petty Officer, Dr. Abrahms said that my wife would be admitted to the ICU. I would really appreciate it if you could point me to her room," Harm insisted.

"Sir, we don't…."

"That's OK, Alice," an understanding nurse cut the clerk off before she further incensed the situation. "I can assist the Captain." Turning toward Harm, "Can I help you, Sir?"

"Yes thank you. As I was explaining, my wife Colonel Sarah MacKenzie-Rabb was brought up here after her C-section this evening. I haven't gotten to see her since they rushed her to the operating room…I was wondering if I could visit just for a few minutes," Harm replied. "I promise not to stay long."

"Sir, I'm Lt. Colonel Lucy Watson. I'm the charge nurse on the night shift. I believe we're just settling the colonel in and it's not visiting time just now."

"Please, I haven't gotten to see her…last time she was seizing…they pushed me out of the room," came his pleading request.

"Alright, just a minute, Sir. Let me see what I can find out," Lucy smiled reassuringly.

The nurse returned five minutes later, "This is against protocol, but if you follow me I'll let you see the colonel for a few moments." She directed the way into one of the ICU rooms.

Harm was taken aback at the sight before him. Mac was lying still in an ICU bed attached to multiple monitors. She was breathing with the assistance of a ventilator. He quietly approached and collapsed into the bedside chair overwhelmed at all the activity in the room. He carefully took her hand rubbing his thumb over the surface. "Hey Marine, how are you doing? We have a beautiful little girl…she's so small. She only weighs one pound-13 ounces, but she's a real fighter just like her mom. I got to touch her and she opened her eyes and looked at me. I can't wait for you to see her," his voice cracked as tears threatened to fall.

Lucy gently touched his arm so as not to startle, "I'm sorry, Sir…but we need to finish settling the colonel in. You can come back in 45 minutes…it'll be visitation time then," she smiled sympathetically.

Harm nodded rising from the chair. He leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Mac's forehead and over each eye, before whispering, "I love you, Sarah. You need to wake up, now. Sophie and I need you…I can't do this alone. I'll be back soon, sweetheart. I'd like to see those beautiful brown eyes by then…please," he pleaded and failed to blink back the tear that escaped and fell on Mac's cheek. He gently whipped away the tear and slowly walked out of the room.

As he dejectedly walked past the nurse, he asked, "Is the chapel somewhere around here?"

"No Sir, it's on the first floor. If you take the elevator down, someone at the information desk can point you in the right direction."

Harm nodded and shuffled out of the ICU toward the bank of elevators. He decided that he needed the kind of help that could only come from above, and it was about time he started asking.

xxxxx

22:20

Friday, May 20th, 2006

Chapel

Harm entered the dimly lit quiet space and settled into the far end of one of the back pews. He bowed his head in quiet repose and began to pray. "Dear God, I need your assistance right now. My wife and daughter are critically ill and I'm not sure if either will survive the night. I'm use to pursuing the impossible and finding answers, but I don't have an answer for this. Please help them, I don't think I can make it without them and I need the patience and strength to allow the doctors and nurses to do their work. I'll love them and care for them no matter what. Please, just don't take them away."

As he continued to pray, a peaceful calm overtook him as fleeting pictures entered his mind. He saw glimpses of Sophie in the NICU, Mac smiling and holding their daughter. Milestones met: removal of the breathing tube…the head ultrasound is normal the doctor reported happily…feedings started by tube…weight over 2 pounds…first feeding from a bottle…going home. Harm shook his head as the thoughts disappeared, but the feeling of peace remained.

Harm was startled out of his musings by an elderly navy chaplain, "I'm sorry son; I didn't mean to startle you. Are you alright…can I be of any assistance?" The chaplain regarded Harm with concern, "You seem to have been deep in thought. Can I perhaps offer some support, guidance…a prayer?" The elderly gentleman looked on with concern.

"Yes Chaplain, a prayer would be most welcome. My wife and daughter are in the ICU. I was just praying myself."

"Yes I noticed when you came in awhile ago. You initially seemed distraught, but now seem… almost at peace?" the Chaplain questioned somewhat amazed. "Perhaps you found what you were looking for?" he reasoned with raised brow.

"Not yet, Sir…but somehow," Harm mused. "I think I saw glimpses of the future. Well, I don't know if it's the future, but a vision of what I'd like the future to be. I'm sorry, Sir…I'm not making any sense…it's been a really long night already," he ducked his head, face blushing feverishly.

"You never know, son…sometimes God allows us to see those glimpses of joy to get us through the nights of sorrow. Don't discount those visions yet…you just might be lucky enough to see them come true. I'll be praying for your family."

"I can only hope, Sir," Harm smiled back. He glanced down at his watch to see that he'd already been gone for 30 minutes. He needed to get back to the ICU to see Mac and then to the NICU to visit his daughter. "I appreciate your prayers, Sir. I need to get back to my family." He quickly headed for the door shaking his head. He was beginning to sound like Mac, visions indeed.


	5. Chapter 5

_AN: For disclaimers see chapter 1._ Part 5 

23:00

Friday, May 19th, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Surgical ICU

Harm hurried back to the ICU to spend time with Mac. He was disappointed when 20 minutes after his arrival, he was asked to leave since visiting hours were up. He'd tried to argue with the nurse but to no avail. He was told to return at midnight. Visiting hours were for 20 minutes every hour on the hour. He passed Dr. Abrahms on the way out and was once again informed that there was no change in Mac's condition. Harm left the ICU grumbling and headed for the NICU to see Sophie.

As Harm left the unit, Dr. Abrahms turned back to chat with the charge nurse, Lucy Watson. "Come on Lucy, can't your just relax the rules in this case. Sarah's systolic blood pressure dropped over 20 points when her husband was in the room. Now that he's gone, her blood pressure's back up. None of my medications work that effectively."

"Look Doctor, you know the rules, if I break them for one family then I have to break them for everyone."

"Now Lucy, you know that we on occasion allow families to stay for longer periods of time. I'm just asking for a favor this once," he begged. "In Labor and Delivery we relaxed the visiting guidelines a long time ago, because the families do better when they're all together."

"That might be true, but this is an ICU. We have critically ill patients and the nursing staff need to be able to get to those patients to perform care and procedures," Lucy threw back.

"Alright, how about this. The Captain can stay at the colonel's bedside as long as he's unobtrusive. If he gets in the way or you need to do a procedure he has to step out?" Dr. Abrahms countered.

Lucy shook her head, "What's so different about this couple?"

"I can't explain it, but they are different…connected in some way. At first I didn't believe it but the more I heard about their stories and adventures…I don't know…the more I believed."

"Tsk tsk, " Lucy chuckled. "Don't tell me you're listening to gossip now."

"It's not gossip when the couple themselves are the source of the information. I admit, other tidbits have come from the Rabb's colleagues and friends, and yes, even the antepartum nursing staff has gotten involved in the tales. But still, how else do you explain the improvement in her condition when he's around?"

"Doctor, I do believe you've become something of a romantic," teased Lucy.

"Lucy we've known each other a long time. We've seen unusual and miraculous things occur that we can't explain. The Captain claims to 'always know where the Colonel is.' I didn't believe it at first, but then one afternoon he came to visit Sarah. I had scheduled an ultrasound for her down in radiology. When Harm, the Captain, came to inquire at the desk where she'd gone…I told him she was in x-ray. He shook his head and stated no, she was somewhere close on the floor. I tried to explain further, when the nurse appeared from around the corner with Sarah in a wheelchair. Harm just smiled at me and shrugged, stating 'he always knows where she is.' Sarah confirmed the fact, something about being on 2 different submarines, one Russian one U.S., and them being thousands of miles below sea level--he still knew she was there."

Lucy shook her head and cackled in disbelieve. Dr. Abrahms continued, "Wait…the Colonel's connection is even spookier. She supposedly found him when he was missing at sea."

"What ARE you talking about," laughed Lucy.

"One of the Colonel's best friends related the event to Sally Martin, the Colonel's primary nurse on antepartum. Seems our lovely Colonel was engaged to marry someone else, much to the chagrin of both the Captain and the friend. Well, the Captain was flying back for Sarah's wedding when his plane went down into the ocean during a severe thunderstorm. Search and Rescue was unable to locate the Captain due to rough seas. Seems he'd become separated from his tracking beacon. Sarah had a vision and was able to pinpoint his exact location on the map…Search and Rescue found him at the coordinates she'd provided. Needless to say the fiancé couldn't compete with that kind of 'connection' and the wedding was called off. Harm and Sarah refer to it as 'this thing between us.' I don't know…it's like they're the same soul but in two different bodies," mused the doctor. "Not to many of us find that kind of connection with another person. Shoot, I've been married to wife for 40 years and I love her dearly, but even we don't have that 'fated soul mate kind of thing' going on like these two do."

Lucy laughed and waved a hand, "Doctor, I think it's late and you need some sleep. When you start talking about fate and such nonsense, I start worrying about you."

Dr. Abrahms just smiled back, "I guess your right. Just let me ask you one last question. When you delivered your first child, didn't you want to have your husband at your side?"

"Doctor, after 28 hours of labor and 4 hours of pushing when my son finally came out with his father's big head…I didn't even want my husband in the same room, much less touching me. Sorry, you need to come up with another ploy to pull at my heartstrings," she heartily laughed.

"Alright," the doctor laughed back. "Do it for the Corp. You see that lovely Colonel in there, she's a successful marine lawyer. I've seen her put a few navy men in their place. The Corp. can't afford to lose a good female officer like her. Do it for the marines," Dr. Abrahms pulled out his biggest grin.

Lucy sighed back, "Are you trying to appeal to my feminist side here, Doctor."

"Yes ma'am, whatever it takes," he grin grew even bigger.

"Alright, the Captain can stay…as long as he behaves," she acquiesced.

"Thanks Lucy. I better head to the call room to get some sleep…I'm dead on my feet and I think the colonel's case is going to keep me busy for the next few days."

As Dr. Abrahms left the unit, he didn't hear Lucy mutter to herself, "Darn Doc-boy smiles, I swear they teach them how to use it in medical school and refine it in residency. To bad 90 of them forget how to use that smile once they're in practice. Course, most of us experienced nurses are immune to its charm," she chuckled to herself.

xxxxx

23:30

Friday, May 19th, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

NICU

Harm slipped into the NICU with apprehension. Last time he was here it was just to look around, and the sight of all the sick babies nearly did him in. Now his little girl was one of those sick babies, too. He took a deep breath as he neared the front desk, "Excuse me, I'm Captain Rabb and I'm here to visit my daughter, Sophia Rabb."

"Of course, Sir," the friendly unit clerk replied. "If you'll just step over this way, we'll get you scrubbed up and in to visit your baby." Harm nervously followed and scrubbed as instructed by the clerk. "Sir, each time you come to visit…Sophia was it?" Harm nodded back in agreement. "Alright, each time you come to visit Sophia, you'll need to scrub. We have to be very careful about exposing the babies to excessive germs. We wouldn't want Sophia to get an infection. If you'll just follow me, I'll take you to her bed space."

Harm followed mesmerized by all the incubators and cribs that he passed along the way. The babies came in all variety of sizes large and small, but each was covered in a tangle of tubes and wires. In one bed tiny arms and legs flailed while the child struggled against the breathing tube in his mouth, his ventilator swishing and beeping with each breath and muted cry. The cacophony of noises from all the equipment blended with the omnipresent alarms creating a disturbing symphony of sorts. Harm felt overwhelmed and light-headed, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply; he tried to swallow down the taste of bile that rose in the back of his throat. Steadying himself in place, he concentrated on blocking out the crushing weight of the oppressive stimuli. The unit clerk turned back just in time to place a steadying hand on the flushed and swaying father. She gave him a moment to collect himself then suggested in a soft empathic voice, "Sir, there's a private family waiting room around the corner, perhaps you'd like to sit down for a moment." Harm shook his head then with one last deep breath he opened his eyes and gestured to continue. They weaved their way through the nursery stopping at the door to a room with a single bed inside. "Sophia is in here in one of the isolation rooms," the clerk pointed.

Harm's eyes widened, "Why is Sophie in isolation?"

"I'm not sure, Sir. Why don't you ask her nurse; she's right over there by Sophie's bed," gestured the clerk.

Harm slowly entered the private room glancing at all the equipment in the space. He paused by Sophie's bed and tears briefly glazed his eyes before he blinked them back. "Hello Captain, you must be Baby Girl Rabb's father? My name is Lt. Valerie Snow, but you can call me Val. I hear you've had a busy evening. How's you wife doing, Sir?"

"Ah, she's…ah…," Harm paused to clear his throat. "She's in the ICU. She still hasn't awakened from her C-section…her blood pressure is still high. The doctor isn't sure why she hasn't woken up…ye…yet," his voiced cracked. "I haven't really gotten to spend much time with her tonight…the visiting hours are so limited in the ICU," he sighed with frustration.

"Well, you'll be glad to know that our visitation guidelines are much more relaxed. You can visit your daughter at any time, except for the change of nursing shifts. You know those government HIPAA privacy guidelines," Val grinned trying to engage the nervous father in conversation.

"I understand; my wife and I are lawyers." Harm shook his head clearing the cobwebs and beginning to relax. "Every time the government adds policy to make things 'better,' it just seems to quadruple the 'red tape' and inconvenience those to whom it applies. Of, course it keeps me employed," he grinned back to soften the statement. "How's Sophie doing?" he sobered, taking in his little girl's condition.

"Sophie, is that her name?" questioned Val as she returned to her bedside duties.

"Yes, Sophia Elizabeth Rabb, but we plan to call her Sophie."

"Alright, Miss Sophie here has kept us busy tonight. I'll see if I can get someone to find Dr. Williams so she can talk to you." The nurse reached forward to the intercom, "Lois can you see if Dr. Williams can come to Isolation Room #4 to talk with Captain Rabb?"

"What do you mean by busy?" queried Harm once again worried.

"Why don't we wait for the doctor to get here, OK?"

Harm nodded back looking around the room again at all the equipment. He glanced back toward Sophie, "May I?" he gestured before touching Sophie.

"Of course," smiled Val.

"I won't hurt her will I?" he quietly asked.

"Not at all, just keep your touch gentle. Think of how you like to be touched when you don't feel well. Generally light caresses are better than patting or just place your hand on her skin so she knows you're near."

Harm reached out and tenderly stroked his daughter's silky dark hair. He tilted his head to study her more closely. Her arms and legs were no bigger around then his finger. He touched her small foot and ran a finger over her toes; the nails were barely visible. He mused that she would need to grow some before her and Mommy could have a 'Girl's Only' party and spend the night painting their toenails a bright color of pink. His gaze traveled back up her body and he reached out to take her tiny hand and rubbed it between his index finger and thumb. Despite all the touches and strokes, Sophie never moved. He stared closer willing her to open her eyes and assure him she was going to be OK. "Why's she so quiet. She hasn't even opened her eyes?" he whispered.

"We had to give her some medication to help her rest quietly. We don't want her fighting against the ventilator or in pain, so she's been given morphine…but you should have seen her earlier," mused the nurse. "She can 'pitch a fit' with the best of them. Her little arms and legs were flying and she was crying to let us know she wasn't happy!" Val encouraged the apprehensive father.

Harm's looked up astonished, "How can she cry with the breathing tube in place?"

"Well, you can't hear her cry because the tube goes between her vocal cords, but the facial expressions and behavior were certainly there. That little girl of yours has some attitude!"

Harm grinned, "She gets that from my wife."

"I suspect your wife would argue she gets that from you."

"Yeah, she probably would…and our former commanding officer would tell you Sophie's a combination of both of us, much to the world's dread!" Harm chortled back. Just then Dr. Williams entered the room and Harm sobered again.

"How are you, Captain? Is the colonel doing any better?" Dr. Williams asked as she came closer to the bedside.

"Um, not really…she hasn't woken up yet. Dr. Abrahms wants to wait 'til morning before he does anymore tests."

"I see…well, Sophie here has given us some trouble tonight," the doctor gently stroked the baby's head. Harm began to fidget, shifting from side-to-side and unable to meet the doctor's gaze. "We've given her the surfactant medication for her immature lungs. Do you remember our discussion about how the surfactant works?" Harm nodded his assent. "We're still having trouble getting her lungs to function well, despite the ventilator and the medication. She's requiring a lot of breathing support and her blood oxygen and carbon dioxide numbers still aren't all that great." The doctor attempted to meet Harm's wondering gaze to see if he was understanding the severity of Sophie's condition. "I think we're going to have to change her to a different breathing machine, one that can work at a faster rate…but I don't want to change ventilators yet until they finish the echocardiogram to evaluate her heart."

At the mention of the word 'heart,' Harm's attention was immediately refocused on the physician, "What's wrong with her heart?"

"I don't think anything is wrong with the structure of Sophie's heart. Sometimes when the lungs are really sick, the blood flow through the heart reverts back to the _in utero_ form of circulation." At Harm's confused expression, Dr. Williams explained, "When babies are inside mom their lungs don't need to work. The mother provides all their oxygen needs through the placenta, so blood flow is diverted away from the lungs to more important parts of the body such as the brain. At birth when the baby takes her first breath, the blood flow needs to change back to the lungs in order to pick up oxygen. In Sophie's case the blood pressure in the lungs hasn't relaxed, so the blood can't flow normally to pick up oxygen."

"Is that because Mac had high blood pressure?" gaped Harm.

"No, anytime a baby has sick lungs they can have trouble with PPHN."

"PPHN?"

Dr. Williams nodded in response to Harm's question. "PPHN stands for Persistent Pulmonary Hypertension of the Newborn, that just means high blood pressure of the blood vessels in the lungs. Remember I told you we tend to speak in 'alphabet soup' well the soup starts now," smiled the doctor. "I need the echocardiogram or heart ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis of PPHN then we can try some different therapies to lower the blood pressure in the lungs."

"What will you use to treat Sophie?" asked Harm as his gaze settled back on his daughter.

"Well, there are several things we can try. First, we need to get her lungs to work more effectively. I do think Sophie does have some degree of pulmonary hypoplasia, or undergrown lungs, as we discussed previously." Harm's shoulders slumped at that statement. "However, she's still alive, so don't count her out yet, OK?" The doctor smiled and raised her brows in encouragement. Harm straightened his posture and nodded. "Once the heart ultrasound is done then we'll place her on the other ventilator; it's called an oscillator."

"Why do you have to wait to change the ventilator? If it's going to help her why not use it now?"

"Because the oscillator breathes so fast that it jiggles her chest and makes it impossible to evaluate her heart with the ultrasound machine." Harm frowned but nodded understanding. "Once we've changed ventilators, if Sophie's still having trouble then we can give her a medicine that she breathes through the ventilator to help relax the lung blood pressure. You've probably also noticed that we have Sophie sedated. Keeping her quiet helps to prevent swings in the lung pressures which occur when she's upset."

Harm glanced back at Sophie noticing the IV's taped to her abdomen. "What are these for?" he asked pointing to her belly button.

"Those are IV lines, one is in her umbilical cord vein. We can give her IV fluid and medications through it. The other is in the artery, that way we can draw blood from Sophie without having to stick her," explained the doctor.

"Do they hurt her?"

"No, actually the umbilical cord has no feeling and the blood vessels are nice and big so the IV lines can last a long time. It's the perfect place to put an IV and it doesn't hurt Sophie at all. Do you have any other questions right now?"

Harm shook his head 'no', just as a technician wheeled in an ultrasound machine. "Well it looks like they're ready to do Sophie's heart ultrasound," informed the nurse. "You can stay and watch if you'd like."

Just at that moment the unit clerk stuck her head around the doorframe, "Captain, you have a visitor… a Chaplain Turner?"

Dr. Williams gently placed her hand on Harm's shoulder, "Why don't you go see your visitor…I'm sure you could use a break. There's a small private family conference room down the hall. You could have a little privacy…and I'll come get you once Sophie's studies are completed," the doctor encouraged.

Harm leaned over and placed a kiss on Sophie's forehead and then followed the unit clerk down the hall. They entered a small dimly lit room with four comfortable chairs. Harm noted that the source of light came from a table lamp rather than overhead lighting. The lamp cast a soft rosy glow giving the ambiance of the room an inviting sense of peace. He settled into one of the chairs and sighed as he bowed his head overwhelmed by all of the events of the evening. He glanced at his watch…it was almost midnight, had it really only been 4 hours since this nightmare began. He was roused from his thoughts by a strong arm being placed around his shoulders. He looked up into the comforting eyes of Chaplain Turner and relaxed into his embrace.

The rich baritone voice soothed, "How you holding up, son?"

"I don't know Sir…and I'm tired of answering that question."

Chaplain Turner nodded with understanding, "That's OK, son…I know it's been a long night. The Admiral already filled me in on most of the details, just tell me how your girls are doing?"

"You know everyone keeps referring to Mac as one of my girls…when she wakes she's going kick someone's six for that comment," Harm smirked before a sheen of tears again appeared in his eyes at the thought of Mac not waking up. He closed his eyes and diverted his face trying to regain some sense of control. He'd cried more in the last 2 months than in his entire adult life. Was this what being a father was going to be like? He didn't mind looking weak if his 'girls' would just be OK. He'd give up anything to make it OK. He shook his head, he was already in trouble…he was going to be push over as a Dad…Sophie already had him wrapped around her 'little finger,' and she wasn't even four hours old.

The Chaplain squeezed Harm's shoulders, "Why don't you just relax for a bit. The clerk said they were performing some procedures on Sophie, and that the doctor would be back to talk to you when they were through. I'll be here praying for God to place his healing hand on both Mac and Sophie, and for some comfort and guidance for you too."

Harm nodded his appreciation and relaxing his head back against the wall allowed his eyes to drift shut.

He was awakened 20 minutes later by Chaplain Turner, "The doctor's here, son. You need to wake up." At the gentle nudging, Harm rubbed his hand over his eyes and tried to clear the thick fog. He'd been having a wonderful dream; Mac was rocking Sophie in the nursery at home. As she held the baby close to her chest, she was smiling in absolute contentment. He could hear her singing a soft lullaby in Farsi, one her Grandmother had taught her years before. Harm sighed with a feeling of utter peace, if only the dream could come true.

"Are you with me, Captain?" the doctor mused. "You seem to be someplace far away, but from the look on your face, it must have been someplace good," the doctor teased the dazed father.

"Yeah, I'm fine. How was Sophie's ultrasound?" Harm quizzed while trying to clear his head. He eased the comforting image back into a corner of his mind to be revisited at a later date and stood to follow the doctor back to Sophie's room. He paused a moment, "Would it be alright if the Chaplain joins us?"

"Of course, Captain," Dr. Williams smiled and then lead the way down the corridor. "Sophie's ultrasound confirmed the diagnosis of PPHN. We've gotten her settled on the new ventilator and have just started the nitric oxide." Harm frowned at the new term. "Nitric oxide is the medication I told you about. We give it through the ventilator to help relax the blood pressure in Sophie's lungs."

Harm nodded and then stopped just inside the door to Sophie's room. He turned his head toward the bed questioning, "What's that noise?"

"That's just Sophie's new ventilator. The breathing rate moves rapidly in and out, kind of like a stereo speaker. Sounds like an airplane about to take off doesn't it," guffawed the doctor.

"Any child of mine should feel right at home with that noise," Harm beamed back.

"Why's that?"

"Because I'm a fighter pilot, Sophie was born with jet fuel in her blood."

The doctor shook her head amused, "I thought you were an attorney at JAG?"

"I am, but I was a pilot first. I had to change careers midstream, but I still fly jets every chance I get…which isn't to often anymore, mostly just for my quals. Sophie should feel right at home…I've been telling her tales of my theatrics as bedtime stories for months," he wiggled his brows, "…much to my wife's chagrin."

Chaplain Turner rolled his eyes and slapped Harm on the back, "How's Sophie doing now, Doctor."

"Well, the blood gas numbers and oxygen saturations are starting to improve," she pointed to the number at the bottom of the monitor. "The number here at the bottom in blue shows her oxygen saturations; we would like them to be between 85 and 92. We've been able to wean Sophie's oxygen concentration on the ventilator from 100 to 90 since we started the nitric oxide."

Harm shook his head, "OK, where should the oxygen on the ventilator be?"

"You and I breath room air; that's 21. The most you can give is 100, so Sophie still has a long ways to go."

Harm sobered, "What do the other numbers on the monitor mean?"

"The top number in pink measures her heart rate; the second number in blue is her breathing rate; the third in green is the blood pressure; and of course the bottom is oxygen saturation levels as I already stated."

Harm stepped closer to the bed and noticed that Sophie was shaking. He looked up alarmed, "She's not having a seizure is she?"

"No," smiled the doctor with a calming voice. "The ventilator gently shakes her chest because of the fast breathing rate. It tends to jiggle the whole body. It must be a weird sensation, sort of like 'pins and needles' or sitting on the clothes dryer. The babies don't seem to mind though; it just sort of lulls them to sleep. I can't promise that she won't want to be vibrated to sleep once she's home…you might find a new use for the clothes dryer," the physician laughed.

Harm smiled at the doctor's use of the term 'home.' "Sophie can have whatever she wants once she gets home," he agreed. He glanced down at his watch, "Oh no, it's 00:15. I've almost missed visiting hours in the ICU. I need to get back up there…I just hope I can 'sweet-talk' my way in."

The nurse, Val, mused to herself, 'just flash that smile and I'm sure you get whatever you want.' "It's alright, Captain. Sophie's stable for the time being. Why don't you go upstairs and visit mom, I'll call if there's any change." Val said instead, bowing her head to hide the slight blush on her cheeks.

With a quick kiss to Sophie's jiggling head, Harm was out the door with Chaplain Turner in-tow.

xxxxx

00:21

Saturday, May 20th, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Surgical ICU

Harm rushed into the Surgical ICU, with Chaplain Turner lagging 20 paces behind, only to be stopped abruptly by the immovable presence of one Colonel Lucy Watson. "Captain," the charge nurse nodded. Harm shook his head exhaling through pursed lips; he bet even the SecNav wouldn't stand a chance against this woman's glare.

He flashed an apologetic grin her direction, "I'm sorry ma'am; I know it's past visiting…"

"Yes Sir, visiting hours ended 1 minute ago. You'll have to come back…"

Chaplain Turner interrupted attempting to intercede on Harm's behalf. "I'm sorry ma'am, but the Captain's been with his daughter…there were complications…surely you can find it in your heart to ease the rules…just this once," his rich baritone voice cajoled.

"Chaplain, I'm sure the Captain has been otherwise engaged, but we have rules here in the ICU for the benefit of both patients and staff. Now you wouldn't want me to place other patients in jeopardy by breaking those rules just for the Captain's benefit would you?" arms crossed Lucy glared back daring him to argue, tucking in her lips to hide the smile that was about break loose.

"No ma'am, of course not. We don't wish to risk the health of any of the patients on this unit, but I don't see how allowing the Captain to see his wife just this once is going to influence the care of the other patients in the ICU," reasoned the Chaplain.

"Chaplain, we already made an exception for the Captain during his last visit. Surely you don't want me to continue to bend the rules just to benefit the Captain. That wouldn't seem prudent or fair to the other patients and their families," Lucy briefly wondered what Dr. Abrahms had gotten her into this time. She hoped she hadn't made a mistake by agreeing to bend the rules tonight for this couple; she didn't plan on making a habit of indulging this family's wishes to the exclusion of the others. As she glanced back at Harm, she visibly deflated in concession at the sight of the distressed man before her.

Harm for his part started to rock to and fro in an aggravated manner while mumbling, "I don't know how you expect me to choose between my wife…"

"I'm sorry Captain, what were you saying," asked Lucy in a bemused voice.

"…and daughter. They're both critically ill…I'm not Solomon…"

"Captain, if you'd just listen for a moment," Lucy tried to interrupt.

"…you expect me to try and decide who is more ill…I never…what's…"

"Captain…" Lucy tried to interrupt again.

"… a man's supposed to do…I can't clone myself to be two…"

"CAPtain…"

"…places at once…You'd think you could at least have some consideration…"

"CAPTAIN!" Lucy bellowed. Harm's head snapped up at the command. "If you'd just listen for one minute; I'm trying to explain. Dr. Abrahms and I decided to allow you to stay at Sarah's bedside tonight if you can remain quiet and unobtrusive…however, in light of you behavior just now…I'm not sure of the wisdom of that decision."

"I'm sorry ma'am…with all the events of tonight…I mean the stress…I'm trying…"

"Captain you're rambling, again."

"Sorry ma'am," Harm sheepishly replied. "Shutting up now."

"As I was saying, if you can remain QUIETLY at the colonel's side. I will let you spend the remainder of the night in the bedside chair. Am I making myself clear?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"This only applies to tonight…if other families notice that I'm allowing you special privileges then they'll expect the same. So, don't under any circumstance expect that this is a permanent arrangement. The charge nurse on each shift will have to assess the situation for that shift depending on patient acuity and nursing assignment. Do you understand?"

"Yes ma'am," Harm contritely agreed.

"Good, now Sarah's nurse is just finishing up some procedures with the colonel, so if you'll come back in…" Lucy glanced at her watch, "…30 minutes at 01:00 you can settle in for the night. I hope I won't hear anymore outbursts…" Harm shook his head, "…and if the nurse asks you to step out of the room to perform a procedure you'll comply?"

"Yes ma'am. If you want I'll even swear on a stack of Bibles," Harm slyly grinned to disarm the glaring nurse.

"That won't be necessary, Captain," Lucy bit her bottom lip to hide a smile.

"'Cuz, I'll do it…I'm a lawyer, I know the oath of the court…and the Chaplain here…" Harm motioned back over his shoulder, "…he has the Bible…" Harm pulled out his flyboy grin.

"Captain, don't make me change my mind," threatened Lucy.

"Wouldn't think of it, ma'am"

"I bet you really try the patience of…"

"…a saint, ma'am?"

"What?" Lucy shook her head in exasperation.

"A saint…my former commanding officer will tell you I try the patience of a saint," Harm bantered back, flyboy smile still firmly in place. "I'll be back in…25 minutes…on the nose," he glanced up from his watch and turned to leave the befuddled nurse shaking her head.

"Just what have I gotten myself into…Abrahms you owe me big," Lucy reversed direction and headed into the colonel's room to inform the bedside nurse of the interesting situation that she was about to find herself in.


	6. Chapter 6

_AN: This chapter begins the dream sequences. I clearly marked the flashbacks, because Harm is awake during those and they would have confused the storyline. I had a hard time trying to decide how to demarcate the dreams. I thought about putting them in italics, but they are such a large part of the story that you would be reading in italics all the time. I didn't want to mark them like the flashbacks; it seemed to interrupt the flow somehow. So here's the drill, when Harm falls asleep, he dreams! Hopefully I've made it clear in the story that he's asleep. If it's confusing, I might need to come up with another idea. Thanks for reading…I hope you enjoy._

_For disclaimer see chapter 1._

Part 6 

01:00

Saturday, May 20th, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Surgical ICU

Harm breezed into the SICU at 01:00 on the dot as promised. He and the Chaplain had spent the last 20 minutes in the cafeteria. He'd managed to pick at and eat a small amount of food at the Chaplain's insistence; then with one final note of encouragement, the Chaplain had left for the night promising to return later that day.

Harm quietly approached Mac's room and stood just inside the door. He realized that even though he begged to be here he was almost afraid to get to close. He'd never seen her so quiet, so unmoving…so frail…he'd give anything to hear her 'I'm a marine' speech at that moment. He steeled his resolve and walked over to the bed, politely introducing himself to the nurse and promising to stay out of the way. He settled himself into the uncomfortable bedside chair just as the nurse was finishing up with Mac's vital signs.

"Has she moved at all?" Harm asked reaching for Mac's hand.

"No Sir, she hasn't regained consciousness nor is she breathing over the ventilator yet," the nurse gently replied while moving Mac's gown aside at her left shoulder to check the venous line.

Harm watched the nurse's movements, "What's the bandage on her shoulder for?"

"The anesthesiologist placed a central venous IV line during the surgical procedure. They wanted to make sure that they had good IV access in case the colonel…" the nurse looked away leaving the statement unfinished.

Harm swallowed hard understanding the completion of the sentence…'in case the colonel coded.' Harm glanced back over to his wife. He took in all the tubes and lines that he'd missed in his first harried visit. He slowly reached out a hand and smoothed her hair, brushing a strand away from her eyes. He'd always preferred Mac's hair short and out of her face, that way it didn't hide her beautiful features. He realized he'd never told her that, but then mused that he thought she was beautiful no matter the style of her hair, the state of her makeup or the clothes that she wore. Mac was one of those women who looked equally stunning in evening gown or military fatigues. He liked her best, dressed soft and casual, relaxed and at ease. He ran his hand down her face tenderly cupping her cheek and traced her lower lip with his thumb careful not to disturb the breathing tube. He looked up to find the nurse watching his movements. She glanced away embarrassed to have been caught but mesmerized by the picture of devotion and love.

Harm returned his gaze to Mac, continuing his exploration. Her gown had been returned covering the central IV catheter. He ran his hand down her neck and over her shoulder bringing it to rest over her heart. The beat was strong and steady matching the audible beeps of the monitor. He glanced over to her left wrist and noticed another IV catheter taped in place on the inside of her wrist. He closed his eyes and imagined her leaning backwards against him; her arm drawn back caressing his neck as he lowered his lips to place a kiss on the delicate skin of her wrist—that skin was made for his lips not the cold sterile invasiveness of an IV. He gingerly fingered the dressing and softly asked, "Why did they place an IV here on the inside of her wrist?"

The nurse almost didn't acknowledge the question, feeling that she was intruding on a private moment. Harm then peered up to the nurse raising his eyebrows in question. The nurse cleared her throat answering equally soft, "The catheter was placed into her artery so that we can measure her blood pressure." Harm nodded and continued his progression in a downward descent. His eyes stopped at Mac's abdomen. Even covered with a sheet, it was obvious that the protruding mound that had been Sophie was now gone. He laid his hand gently in place caressing the spot where his daughter had grown. He hesitated briefly but then leaned over hovering just before placing a soft kiss on the visible bulge from the surgical dressing. Mac had tried so hard to keep Sophie inside, to protect her, nourish her…to love her. He once again felt tears well in his eyes and spill onto his cheeks. He pulled back shaking his head and willing the tears to stop. He needed to stop crying; he needed to be strong for Mac…for Sophie. As he turned his head away, he saw the nurse quickly swipe at a tear clearing it from her own cheek. He fidgeted as he tried once again to get comfortable in the small bedside chair then reached onto the bed to grab Mac's right hand engulfing it with his larger one.

The nurse looked up to the monitor, checking the colonel's vital signs once more before leaving the room. She marveled as she discovered that Sarah's systolic blood pressure had dropped 30 points in the short time that the Captain had been in the room. She smiled to herself, maybe Dr. Abrahms was right in his assumptions about this couple. She left the room with a bounce to her step chancing to hope that the beautiful colonel just might wake up on her shift. She needed to go find Colonel Watson; she wouldn't have believed the events of the last 20 minutes if she hadn't seen them for herself. She was determined to find a more comfortable lounge chair for the Captain. If he was the therapy that Sarah needed, then the nurse was determined to keep him comfortably at his wife's bedside.

Thirty minutes later Lucy Watson peeked her head into the room. She noticed that Harm was still fidgeting failing to find a comfortable position in the rigid visitor's chair. Those chairs certainly weren't designed with comfort in mind, especially if the visitor was over 6 feet tall. She smiled as Harm attempted to slump down in the chair, resting his head against the back. All he accomplished was to almost slide off the front and onto the floor. He huffed and sat back up straight, never losing hold of Mac's hand. Lucy stood tall and with arms crossed over her chest entered the room clearing her throat. Harm straightened immediately not wanting to give the charge nurse any reason to remove him from the room. Lucy covered a sly grin, "Good evening Captain or should I say morning? I trust you find our accommodations to your liking?"

"Yes ma'am. No complaints here."

"Really? Sarah's nurse thought that you might need another chair?" Lucy asked while staring intently at the flustered man.

"Not at all. I wouldn't want to be any trouble. You said I should be…" Harm pondered for a moment rubbing his chin, "…quiet and unobtrusive." He'd caught Lucy trying to hide a smile.

Lucy grinned, "I see you've caught me."

"It would seem your bite is not as bad as your bark," Harm grinned back. He was beginning to like this nurse. She protected her patients and staff, but did what was best for the families as well.

"Liz, the colonel's nurse tonight, noted that the colonel's condition seems to be improved since you've arrived." Harm quickly glanced toward Mac hoping to find her awake. He was disheartened to instead find her still lying quietly in bed in exactly the same position as before. His shoulders slumped in response. "I'm sorry Captain. I didn't mean to get your hopes up. What I meant was that Sarah's blood pressure has markedly declined. While it's not yet normal, it's certainly a good sign. Liz thinks the change is due to your presence. I prefer to hold judgment at this time," Lucy glared left eyebrow raised before once again breaking into a smile. "I was instructed by Liz to go find you more comfortable accommodations, since she doesn't intend to allow you out of this room tonight. Liz has decided that you are the colonel's best therapy."

Harm beamed back, "Ma'am I think that's the nicest thing that anyone has ever called me. It certainly beats 'Harmful Rabb'…the SecNav favorite nickname." Lucy howled at that characterization.

"Alright Captain, since you're going to be with us for the night how about we get to know each other on a first name basis. I'm Lucy and I think I've found the solution to your comfort nightmare." Lucy pulled a large overstuffed chair into the room and next to the bed.

"I'm Harm and I think you're my new friend," Harm grinned wide as he settled into the chair.

"Oh but it gets better, Harm," Lucy flicked the side lever and the chair reclined backwards into a comfortable sleeping position.

Harm's eyes grew wide. "Alright Lucy…I stand corrected; you're my new BEST friend," Harm flashed his best flyboy grin with tongue peeking between his teeth.

Lucy stood back and shook her head laughing, "Oh good grief yours is worse than his!"

Harm's smile dimmed a bit, "I'm sorry?"

"That smile, I thought Doc Abrahms' was bad, but yours is positively lethal. I bet your wife fell at your feet the first time you flashed that baby at her," exclaimed Lucy. Harm sobered immediately glancing dejectedly at Mac. "I'm sorry, Harm. I didn't mean to imply anything…look, I'm sure that Sarah's going to be fine; she just needs some time to heal."

Harm nodded with a far away look, "She didn't you know."

"She didn't what?"

"Fall at my feet," he whispered. "When we first met, our first assignment out, I tried to win her over with my 'flyboy smile' as she calls it. She told me that it was 'a very nice smile and that she was sure that it got me whatever I wanted, but she didn't know me.' It took me awhile to figure out that she did like my smile; she hid it well."

Lucy cocked her head sideways, "I'm sure she'll be really glad to see it again when she wakes up." Harm nodded his thanks. "Why does she call it your 'flyboy smile'?"

"Because I'm a fighter pilot, you know a 'flyboy,'" Harm blushed. At Lucy's look of confusion, he continued. "I was a fighter pilot first, but I had a ramp strike. After I spent months rehabbing I needed a new profession. I decided I liked the law, end of story. I still fly just not very often. And don't get me started on what Mac thinks about dress whites and gold wings." Lucy stared back with jovial encouragement. Harm shook his head, "She says they're overrated!"

"Ouch, it seems you wife as your number."

"You have no idea!" Harm laughed back, but then grew serious. "She's also my biggest supporter, defender, cheerleader, best friend and any other adjective you might think to add; I don't think I'd survive without her. In fact, I know I wouldn't. The few times we've been separated I've been miserable. She just has to be fine; Sophie and I need her."

"I'm sure she will be, Harm. Why don't you get some rest. You've had a long night thus far and Sarah's gonna need you to be strong," Lucy added and grabbed a blanket from the corner linen cabinet.

Harm took the blanket and covered up. "Thanks Lucy," he noted as he rolled onto his left side toward Mac, once again reaching for her hand.

Lucy dimmed the lights as she headed for the door. She stopped just before exiting, "Harm, would you like me to turn off the sound for the heart monitor? We don't need it on and it'll probably just keep you awake."

Harm mumbled almost asleep, "No, that's OK Lucy…I like hearing it…it let's me know she's still here." Lucy sighed deeply and left the room, maybe Doc Abrahms wasn't the only romantic on duty tonight.

Lucy checked in periodically over the next few hours. Each time she came back Harm had gravitated in his sleep more and more toward Mac's side. When she checked in at 04:00, Harm had his upper body on the arm of the chair and his head on the bed firmly wedged against Mac's arm, her hand gripped tightly in his. Lucy watched as he unconsciously raised the joined hands to his mouth. He placed a gentle kiss on Mac's palm before moving her hand to his cheek and holding it in place with his own. At that moment as she listened to the noises in the dark room, Lucy could of sworn she heard a sigh come from him as the hand touched his cheek. 'Good grief, I'm as bad as Doc Abrahms and Liz,' she thought to herself. Glancing at the colonel's bedside monitor, she was astonished to find that the colonel's blood pressure was almost back to normal. Maybe there was something to this 'fated soul mate thing,' as Dr. Abrahms had so poetically described it. I guess some things just can't be explained she mused as she went back to her duties.

Harm shifted slightly rubbing his face against Mac's shoulder. He mumbled in his sleep as he slipped deeper into his dream.

He entered Sophie's room in the NICU to find Mac holding her for the first time. He was astonished to find Sophie off the oscillator and back on a regular ventilator. Due to the rigid circuit of the oscillator, it had been impossible to hold her. He'd only been able to touch her…never hold her, but now Mac was gently cradling their little girl with tears running down her cheeks. He felt a momentary flash of panic that perhaps something was wrong, but as he watched his wife and daughter from his position at the door, Mac looked up toward him with an expression of absolute joy. The last time he'd seen that look of happiness, no pure ecstasy, was as she threw herself into his arms to accept his marriage proposal. He slowly inched closer and reverently kneeled before the chair. As he peered into his daughter's face, he was amazed to find her eye's open and staring back at him. In their depths, he thought he could see the secrets of the world. As he gazed further into her mesmerizing blue-green eyes, he saw glimpses of their future and in that one moment he knew that everything was going to be OK.

As he closed his eyes, he could visualize fleeting scenes from Sophie's hospital stay. He saw an image of himself holding Sophie on her one-month birthday with her breathing tube finally removed, her beautiful face visible without the encumbrances of tubes for the first time since her birth. He could feel the touch of her soft cheek on his lips and smell the fresh scent of baby lotion in her hair.

He saw a celebration of sorts as the nursing staff affixed a banner and balloons to the incubator to mark Sophie's passage through the historic milestone of the 'one kilogram weight club.'

He flashed forward 6 weeks as Mac fed her an entire bottle for the first time. He imagined other firsts: weaning from the incubator to a crib, giving her a bath, wearing real clothes, and finally going home.

He basked in the happiness of the picture of Mac rocking Sophie for the first time in her own nursery at home. The moonlight streaming through the windows illuminating the serene countenance on Mac's face as she cuddled their 3-month old daughter against her neck, humming a lullaby in a soft soothing cadence.

In his dream state, he drifted closer trying to make out portions of lyrics and musical notes as they carried him into a place of peaceful tranquility. External sensations began to interfere and gain entrance into his dream. He sensed a steady rhythmic beat which competed with the soothing music. He felt wisps of light touch comb through his hair and grow stronger as the rhythmic beat accelerated. He swatted at the annoyance in a vain attempt at preventing it from arousing him from his world of peace. He was further alarmed when he felt something grab hold of his hand and tug him forcefully toward a wakeful state. He slowly blinked his eyes still try to hold tight to the wonderful dream that danced at the edge of his consciousness. As he gained his bearings the dream slipped away leaving only a sense of peace in its wake. Try as he may he was unable to retrieve the comforting images from his dream. He began to stretch and turn as he took in his unfamiliar surroundings trying to determine the source of his irritation. It was at that moment as he sat up that he came face-to-face with a pair of terrified brown eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

_For disclaimers see chapter 1._ Part 7 

05:30

Saturday, May 20th, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Surgical ICU

Mac's eyes darted around rapidly, in confusion, before settling into Harm's relieved depths. He didn't think he'd ever been so happy to see those big beautiful brown eyes in his life. He quickly stood and reached up to caress her face in comfort, "Mac, it's OK just relax and I'll go get the nurse." As he turned to go Mac grabbed his hand, eyes wide in panic and struggling against the breathing tube. Harm sat down on the bed took her hand and began rubbing circles on her palm with his thumb until she relaxed back into the bed. As she calmed she began looking around the room. She tried to lift her left hand but found it restrained by the arterial line and glanced back toward him in questioning gaze.

"Mac, sweetheart they had to do surgery last night…" before he could finish his explanation Mac pulled her right hand away and placed it over her abdominal incision. Her eyes again darted back to him then fell shut as tears began to leak from the sides. He froze in place for a moment thinking that she was in pain, but then surmised that she must have thought that she'd lost the baby. He quickly gathered her in as close as the equipment would allow and began to soothe, "No sweetheart, Sophie's OK…she in the NICU on a ventilator…she's alive and beautiful." He decided it was prudent to stop with that explanation for the time being; instead taking the opportunity to place a kiss on her temple.

Just at that moment, Lucy entered the room to check on the commotion. "Captain, I thought we had a deal…quiet and unobtrus…" she stopped mid thought as she noticed Harm on the bed holding onto his wife. "Harm what's going on…is something wrong with Sarah?" Lucy quickly stepped to the left side of the bed and was pleased to see Mac's eyes open at her touch. "Colonel, it's so nice to have you back awake. If you'll just relax a moment I'll go get the anesthesiologist to remove that breathing tube." Mac blinked her eyes in thankful understanding as Lucy turned to leave.

Harm kept his lips against her temple as he caressed her arm. "You scared me, Marine…please don't to do that again," his voice cracked as his eyes filled with tears. Mac pulled back to look into his face concerned at his reaction. "It's OK…I'm just relieved that you're awake." At her questioning gaze he continued, "Your blood pressure was very elevated…you had a seizure…they did an emergency C-section…." He had to stop, turning his face away as the tears began to fall. She cupped his cheek pulling him back to her and tenderly wiped away the tears.

Five minutes later, Lucy returned with the anesthesiologist and respiratory therapist to pull the endotracheal tube. Harm stepped away from the bed and into the hall to collect himself again. He paced an additional 5 minutes before deciding they'd had enough time and he needed to get back to his marine. As he entered the room, Lucy and Liz were settling Mac back into the bed. She looked pale and exhausted, but never more beautiful to him. Lucy stopped him as he approached the bed, "Harm, we're going to give Sarah some pain meds and then she needs to rest. Dr. Abrahms should be by shortly and hopefully we can start weaning her magnesium at that time. If all goes well maybe she can move out of the ICU in the next 24-hours. Now why don't you go visit your daughter for awhile, maybe they can take a picture of Sophie for you to bring to Sarah."

Harm was about to object to leaving when he saw Mac's eyes light up at the mention of Sophie. He acquiesced giving Mac a quick kiss before leaving the room and headed on a mission to the NICU. He scrubbed at the sink with extra care, threw a cheerful 'good morning' to Lois, the NICU unit clerk, and poked his head around the door to Sophie's room. He was met by the now familiar sound of 'plane engines' from the oscillator, "Hey Val, is it OK if I visit Sophie for a while?"

"Of course, Sir. I was wondering where you'd gotten to," smiled Lt. Valerie Snow. Harm frowned at the comment, would they think he was a bad parent if he didn't spend all his time at Sophie's bedside. Sensing the comment had been misinterpreted, Val continued, "I didn't mean that you had to camp out at Sophie's bedside. I was just exchanging pleasantries."

Harm frowned concerned, "Do most of the parents stay at their baby's bedside all the time?"

"No, of course not…you need to leave, to eat, to sleep…to give us poor bedside nurses a break," Val snickered to lighten the mood. Harm's gaze widened before he broke out in a grin.

"I get the picture. How's Sophie doing?" he reached out to brush his fingers through her wooly dark hair. He mused that it was bunched in little short tufts.

"It'll get longer and smoother as she grows." Harm glanced toward the nurse confused. "Her hair, the preemies tend to have shorter tufts more like lamb's wool. It'll straighten and become silky as it grows, unless she destined to have curly hair…is mom's hair straight?" asked Val.

Harm pulled out a picture of he and Mac from his wallet. It was taken as an engagement picture at the insistence of his mother. She'd wanted a picture to post in the La Jolla Village News. She'd insisted that 'she'd waited forever for him to get married and she planned on bragging about her son and future daughter-in-law on the society page.' The photographer had taken several poses, but this had been his favorite. They'd been dressed casually in jeans and white cotton oxfords with bare feet. He'd been teasing Mac between shots when she'd caressed his cheek and told him she loved him. They'd stopped talking and gazed into each other's eyes with soft smiles when the photographer caught them unawares. His mother had chosen several more 'posed' photographs, but this one was his favorite. He stared at the photo longingly lost in thought as he rubbed his thumb over Mac's face. He was roused from his memories by Val, "Is that your wife?"

"What…oh yeah, it's a picture of both of us," he smiled and handed the photograph to the nurse.

"Wow, she's beautiful. With the two of you for parents, Sophie's going to break some hearts."

Harm smirked, "She's not even going to look at boys until she's 25 and not dating until she's at least 40!" At Val's amused expression, his eyes twinkled, "I've been checking on private girl's schools and colleges."

"I see, does Sophie get a choice in the matter?" the nurse laughed.

"Only to pick from my list!" Harm laughed back. He realized it felt good to laugh. There hadn't been much to laugh about over the last few hours, but at least his marine was awake and that was certainly something to smile about. "My wife woke up a little while ago. They think she's gonna be fine," he glanced back toward Sophie in contemplation.

The nurse noticed the change in affect. "That's great…Sophie's hanging in there, too. How about we hang this picture of you and your wife on her bed so she knows that you're thinking about her even if you're not here," the nurse rose from her chair and taped the picture to the bed in Sophie's line of sight.

Harm picked up Sophie's foot and began caressing her leg with his thumb. "So how's she doing?" He watched for any movement from Sophie in response. Seeing none, he settled back into a bedside chair deflated but still continued his gentle caresses.

"Well, her oxygen is down from 90 to 75 and we've been able to wean some of the other ventilator settings as well. Harm's eyebrows flicked up in understanding. "We did need to start some IV medications to increase her blood pressure though?"

Harm jerked his head toward the nurse, "But I thought her blood pressure was high…that's why she needed the new ventilator and breathing medicine."

"That's true…her lung blood pressures were high…but…."

Harm interrupted, "Then why on earth would you start a new medicine to increase her blood pressure further." He was starting to get upset; it made no sense, why couldn't these people make sense.

"Sir, we're talking about two different…."

Harm stood and began to pace, "I don't understand…first you tell me one thing then another…it's like you're speaking a foreign language…."

"Sir, if you'll just calm down, I'll get Dr. Will…."

"…my wife is the language expert here not me…if you could just speak in English it might make sense," he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Just when things start to get better, something else happens…."

At that moment Dr. Williams passed by the room, but doubled back and entered at the sound of the commotion. "Is there a problem, Captain?"

Harm turned toward the doctor. "The nurse was just telling me you started a new medicine to increase Sophie's blood pressure, but you told me that her blood pressure was already high. I don't understand what you people are doing to my daughter," he stated in a loud irritated voice.

"Captain, perhaps we can talk in the parent conference room…."

"No, I want…" at that moment Sophie's monitor began to alarm for low oxygen levels. Harm jerked back toward Sophie's bed with a look of horror. "What's going on?"

"Sir, remember I explained that we needed to keep Sophie quiet and relaxed…she's just responding to the noise. It'll be OK, we just need to keep it quiet in here," the doctor whispered. Harm relaxed as Sophie's oxygen saturations began to rise and the monitor stopped alarming. "Now Captain, maybe we can go discuss Sophie's condition in the other room?" Harm nodded contritely, attitude now subdued by the scare of the alarm.

They settled into the chairs in the dimly lit family conference room. "Alright Sir, I understand that you're frustrated that Sophie's so sick, but her clinical course so far is exactly what I expected. As I explained earlier, Sophie has PPHN or high blood pressure of the lungs. Do you understand what I explained earlier?" Harm nodded and shifted uncomfortably in the chair. "What Val was trying to explain just now is that Sophie has low systemic blood pressure. That means the blood pressure in the rest of her body. You know how you get your blood pressure taken in your arm? Well that pressure is what is low in Sophie right now. The lungs and body work in two different circuits and the blood pressures can go in two different directions."

Harm frowned, "So Sophie's low body blood pressure is similar to what Mac's high blood pressure was?"

"Exactly, the doctors used medication to lower the colonel's 'systemic' blood pressure and we're now using different medications to raise Sophie's 'systemic' blood pressure. It's very common for a sick baby to have low body blood pressure. We treat it with IV fluids and medications. In Sophie's case; she's on Dopamine to directly increase the pressure of the blood vessels and a steroid to help her body deal with the stress it's current under."

"But Dr. Abrahms didn't want Sophie exposed to anymore steroids…he said it could affect her growth."

"Well, we're talking about different steroids and dosages. Our bodies normally make steroids all the time and in times of stress release even higher quantities. Sometimes when babies are sick, especially preemies, they don't make enough of the internal steroids to respond to the stress. If that occurs the baby will have trouble maintaining a normal blood pressure. When that happens, we give small amounts of steroids IV to help the baby respond normally to the stress. Does that make sense?" the doctor explained.

Harm inhaled deeply and nodded his head in affirmation. "I'm sorry for my outburst earlier. It's been a really long and stressful night. My wife's finally awake, but every time I think things are finally getting better something else goes wrong."

"I understand, Sir…but in Sophie's case nothing has gotten worse in the last few hours. She seems to be slowly responding to our therapies…and as I stated the low blood pressure is to be expected in a baby as critically ill as Sophie. You just need to take it one step at a time, otherwise you're going to wear yourself…and us," the doctor smiled to take the sting out of the words, "…out. Now why don't you go visit your daughter for a little while longer. The NICU closes to visitors from 0630 to 0800 so the nurses can change shift."

"Thanks Dr. Williams and again I apologize for my behavior," Harm returned a disarming smile.

"Captain, just so you know…none of us take any of that personally. We expect parents to have occasional…'meltdowns'," the doctor grinned, "…but you're Sophie's best advocate here. She can't stand up for herself and complain when something goes wrong. So, if you're concerned or don't understand her care just ask and we'll be glad to explain. You and Mom will be the two most constant caregivers on Sophie's team. Since you're here everyday, you may notice subtle changes in her condition that we don't see, so don't be afraid to point them out or to complain if you think something is wrong…OK?"

"I get it…thanks again. Oh, by the way Mac's awake but can't come down to visit yet…is there anyway I can get a picture of Sophie to take back to the ICU for her?" he questioned on his way out the door.

Sure, I'll let Val know to take a Polaroid."

Harm sauntered back down toward Sophie's room, but paused outside the door as he heard two nurses talking.

"How's this little one doing?"

"She's had a rough night," stated Val. "She was in bad shape when she came in, but she's starting to respond to therapy now. The family's had a rough time too. The Mom's in ICU and Dad's been running between the two places."

"Was that the commotion I heard earlier?" Harm grimaced at the statement, had he been that loud he wondered.

"Yeah, Dad was a little frustrated, but it's to be expected…he's had a long night…me, too. What I wouldn't give for a café mocha right about now," Val mused longingly. "Scratch that, I work again tonight. Maybe I better settle for a cup of chamomile tea and a warm bath…I need to get some sleep."

Harm checked his watch and smiled. If he hurried he just might have enough time, he thought as he rushed out of the NICU.

He arrived back in Sophie's room 20 minutes later, hands behind his back and smile in place. "Hey Val, do I still have time to say goodbye to Sophie."

"Sure," Val responded never looking up from her paperwork.

"I want to apologize about earlier."

"That's OK, don't worry about it," Val looked up from the chart just as Harm pushed a cup in front of her. "What's this?"

"Chamomile!"

"Sir, you didn't have to…."

"Yes I did. And if I act like that again, you have my permission to call me on the carpet. Rank doesn't matter when it comes to my little girl's care," he smiled. "Oh, and this is for tonight's shift," Harm withdrew a certificate from behind his back, "…it's good for one café mocha at the gourmet coffee shop downstairs." The flyboy smile was firmly back in place. "Thanks for taking care of Sophie."

Harm settled back in at Sophie's bedside for a brief visit as Val continued charting. She looked up a few minutes later at the sound of music and glanced toward Sophie's bed. "What's that your humming, Captain?"

Harm looked up startled, "I'm sorry what was that?"

"I asked what you're humming?"

He blushed, "I didn't even realize I was?"

"It was a beautiful melody. I just wondered what the song was?"

"I don't know, I don't remember hearing it before," puzzled Harm.

"Oh by the way, here's the picture for your wife," Val handed him a photo across Sophie's bed

Harm took the Polaroid and smiled. On the picture the nurse had written 'To Mommy, I love you, Sophie'. "Thanks," he glanced at his watch, "I better get this back to the ICU before visiting hours are up."

He managed to get back to the SICU just at change of shift, but when he flashed Lucy another 'flyboy' grin he was allowed a few minutes to visit with Mac. He presented the picture of Sophie as though it were a 'prized masterpiece.' Then with an exchange of kisses and few whispered endearments, he left the hospital to head home for a much-needed shower and breakfast.


	8. Chapter 8

_For disclaimers see chapter. Author's notes at the end of this chapter. Thanks for the wonderful reviews._

Part 8

07:30

Saturday, May 20th, 2006

Rabb House

Maclean, Virginia

Harm dragged into the house. He'd made it home with little fanfare; traffic had been light at that early hour on a Saturday morning. He'd left his cell phone number in both ICUs in case there were problems with either Mac or Sophie and promised to return before noon. He trudged into the kitchen, prepared the coffeemaker and hit start. He took 2 steps away and then pivoted back, adding 2 more scoops of ground coffee to the basket. He figured if he was going to make it through the day ahead, he would need Mac's version of 'marine strength' sludge. He climbed the stairs heading to the master bedroom; stripping along the way, he relaxed under the hot spray of water beating down from the showerhead. Throwing on a comfortable t-shirt and jeans he began to prepare a new bag of toiletries and pajamas for Mac. He figured she would want to get out of the hospital-issued gown and into something soft and personal as soon as possible. As he was zipping the bag he paused, Sophie deserved something soft and personal too. He unzipped the tote and walked into the nursery to the crib looking for the chenille bunny. He was puzzled when he was unable to locate the stuffed animal, until he'd remembered the last time he'd been in the room. It had been the month before when Mac went into preterm labor. He'd been afraid to enter the room since, fearing that fate in her cruel way might dictate that Sophie never come home, never sleep in her crib, never dream of the future, never…survive. He shook his head to clear the morbid thought and began to search in earnest for the bunny. He found it several minutes later on the floor next to the rocking chair. Something about the rocker drew him in; he settled into its smooth wooden surface and leaned his head against the backrest closing his eyes. He felt a sense of peace wash over him and in a moment's time he was sound asleep.

He was dreaming again, scenes from Sophie's first year flitted in and out of his grasp. They were finally bringing her home from the hospital after a 3-month stay. The discharge had been delayed due to her ongoing lung problems. She'd come home with oxygen, a monitor, and special feedings, but they didn't care, Sophie was finally home. He and Mac had argued over Sophie's discharge attire. He'd wanted to dress her in an elaborate smocked gown, compliments of Grandma Trish in honor of the momentous occasion, but Mac had insisted on a simple pink sleeper with embroidered rosebuds. He hadn't understood the intensity of Mac's argument but knew that there was something significant to her about the soft pink sleeper and thus finally gave in to her demands. Sophie was a fussy and demanding baby, but the pediatrician had explained that this was common in babies that had spent so much time in the NICU. Mac had been disappointed that Sophie had refused to breastfeed after weeks of tube feedings, but resigned herself to pumping, still wanting to provide Sophie with the benefits of breast milk during her first year. They had settled into a routine of sorts. Mac would pump and he would bottle feed. Sophie seemed to settle to her Daddy's touch but delighted in testing Mommy's patience. He thought it was because Mac and Sophie had similar personalities, after all Sophie had 'Daddy's looks but Mommy's brains.' Mac argued instead that Sophie had Daddy wrapped around her little finger. Grandpa A.J. reasoned they were both right after having spent years dealing with the 'dynamic duos' antics.

On Sophie's 6-month birthday Harm arrived home with a gift sack in hand. He breezed into the kitchen brushed a quick kiss past Mac's cheek nearly missing his target and began sorting through the mail. "How was Sophie's 6-month check-up with Dr. Matthewson?" The pediatrician had been recommend by Dr. Williams and they'd understood why on Sophie's first visit. Dr. Matthewson was a big jolly teddy bear of a man, who always wore a white coat, funny tie and brightly colored tennis shoes. He had a gentle manner and a wicked sense of humor that delighted his small patients and disarmed their nervous parents. "Mac? Mac, I wondered how…" he turned around to find Mac glaring with arms akimbo. He immediately began to back pedal trying to figure out what he'd done or more likely forgotten to do. Searching his faculties and coming up empty, he decided the husband-defense of 'apologize first determine offense later' was his best defense. "Mac, I don't know what I did…but whatever it was I'm sorry." As Mac continued to glare he grew more nervous, "Look sweetheart, you knew I couldn't make Sophie's appointment, I had a meeting with the SecNav…and…and I took out the garbage this morning." Mac started to advance on his location with an increasingly menacing look, "Ah, did I miss a lunch date?" Mac shook her head and raised a brow. He cocked his head, squinted his eyes and squeaked, "Ah…ah…I give up…did I forget to put down the toilet seat?"

"Harm!" He gulped as Mac moved into his personal space, and in true marine drill sergeant voice demanded, "What do you call that…that…" the effect was lost when the side of her mouth quirked up in a half grin.

Harm smiled and pulled her in close, "Call what Mac?"

"…that kiss!…a hit and run…I know you can do better that!" she smirked.

"Yes ma'am," he agreed and then proceeded to demonstrate. Ending the kiss, but keeping her close he tried again. "So, how WAS Sophie's check-up? Any word on when we can get rid of the oxygen?"

"Dr. Matthewson thinks she looks great. She's gained 4 pounds since her last visit and is now up to the 50th percentile on the growth curve. Of course, her length is over the 75th percentile. He wanted to know where she gets her height, but I told him with a father who's 6-4 and a mother that's 5-9, she doesn't have a prayer of a chance of being short."

"No, I guess not," chuckled Harm. "How about the oxygen…can we get rid of it soon? It's not that I mind…I mean if she needs it…but it's such a pain in the neck to lug around…and once she starts crawling…."

Mac laughed, "Harm relax…Dr. Matthewson is scheduling Sophie for a sleep study next week. He thinks we should be able to get rid of the oxygen then, but he does want to keep her on the monitor for another month or two."

"That's great…" he cocked his head to study Mac more closely. "Hey, you cut your hair…that's new, right?" he puzzled. "I mean you did it today…I didn't miss anything?" he started to panic.

"You can relax, Sailor…yes, I cut it today. With Sophie taking so much extra time, I just figured things would be quicker…easier with short hair," she reasoned. "Why? You don't like it?"

Harm grinned, "I love it, Mac. I always liked you best with short hair."

"Really? I thought guys liked long hair best," she mused running her fingers through her locks.

"Mac, you look great no matter how you wear it, but given a choice I like it short. Isn't this how you wore it a few years back…you know when we were in Afghanistan…getting thrown from jeeps…cuddling under the stairs," he waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Mac laughed, "Yes, this is how I wore it back then…but I didn't think you ever noticed…and you're the only one who got thrown from a jeep." She poked at his chest with her index finger.

"Sweetheart, I noticed EVERYTHING about you back then…and one of the best things about your new hair style…" he began nuzzling her neck, "…it exposes one of my favorite spots."

"Oh yeah, and what would that be?"

"Allow me demonstrate," he grinned wickedly and began kissing and nibbling up her neck. "How about right here," he whispered into her ear and felt her shiver in response. At that moment Sophie began to cry. "I swear that daughter of yours has the worst timing," he grumped resting his forehead against hers.

"How come she's your daughter when she good, but my daughter when she ornery," Mac smirked.

"Because that's just the way it is," he grinned and gave her a quick peck on the lips. "I'll go get her," he turned to head to the nursery. "Besides, I got her a 6-month birthday present," he held up the gift bag.

"Harm, most people don't celebrate 6-month birthdays. You're spoiling her," Mac threw back.

He paused at the door, "I saw it in a store window when I was out for lunch and knew she needed it." He pulled out a large green frog dressed in medieval attire with a cape and a crown affixed to his head. At Mac's questioning gaze, he explained, "Every princess needs a prince!"

He hurried into the nursery and picked up his crying daughter, "Hey princess what's all this noise about?" Sophie quieted immediately at her daddy's touch. "Daddy got you a surprise today for your good check-up." Her eyes grew wide at the sight of the frog. "Daddy's princess needs a frog prince, no matter what Mommy thinks." She smiled at her daddy's sing-songy voice.

"You know between you and me, your timing stinks young lady," he sneered back in an authoritative voice. Sophie giggled at her Daddy's attempts to be strict. "Alright," he laughed, " but don't tell Mommy that Daddy's a push-over…and if you ever want any brothers or sisters you're going to have to share me with Mommy." At that remark, she began to screw up her face to cry.

"Hey Hey none of that now…I see how this works, you just don't like to share," he cooed back. "How about we dance to our favorite song instead." He hit track #3 on the CD player and began to sing along while twirling Sophie around the room.

_Baby, I am here_

_Baby, I am here_

_Never thought that in a million years,_

_Never thought that you would come to me._

_You're the answer to a million prayers;_

_You're the apple of my eye;_

_I can hear you breathing next to me;_

_Just how lucky can one person be?_

_I am looking at a mystery;_

_Everything I dreamed; more than I could wish for_

He hummed through the chorus, softening his voice, as Sophie snuggled in close and rubbed her face against his neck.

_Baby, you're my little ray of light_

_I could find you in the darkest night_

_If you cry I will hold you tight_

_Never letting go_

_I would do that for you_

As he closed his eyes and continued to sing swaying gently to the music, Mac slipped into the door unawares. Leaning against the doorframe, she took in the scene before her. She watched as the two people she loved most in the world danced to lullabies, their joined bodies casting shadows in the soft evening light. She marveled that she could be this happy, that after a lifetime of doubt in her self-worth, she deserved to be this happy. She closed her eyes and in her mind joined in the dance as Harm continued to serenade.

_Starlight, Starbright all day, all night_

_I will be right next to you, here forever_

_I will never leave you_

_I will never leave you_

_Baby I am here_

_Baby I am here_

She looked up from her trance as Harm spoke. "Hey sweetheart, are you OK? Where were you…you looked a million miles away?"

She sighed contently, "Yeah, just enjoying the picture that you paint with our daughter." She walked over to the pair leaning her head against his shoulder and kissed Sophie's soft baby head while rubbing her back. "Is she out?"

"Yeah, she conked out mid way through the second verse." He tenderly kissed Mac on the forehead then started toward the crib. "Let me put her down and then we can get started on dinner." He gently laid Sophie into her crib and placed a kiss on her cheek, then stepped back to pull Mac in close. They stood bathed in the moonlight watching their daughter sleep. He looked around the room then squeezed Mac to get her attention. "Mac, this room really turned out magical. The murals are amazing." It had taken them 2 months to finish the room after Sophie came home. They'd both decided they didn't want to tempt fate again, so they agreed to wait until they knew for sure that Sophie was going to be OK. Not wishing to risk disappointment, that meant waiting until her discharge. Once they began the project in earnest again, Mac decided that all four walls of Sophie's nursery should have a mural, that way their daughter would have a fanciful view from anywhere in the room.

"We both created the room, Harm. We wanted Sophie to have a place to dream…her very own fairytale land," she whispered.

"I know we both worked on the room, but Mac the paintings are unbelievable. How come I didn't know you could paint?"

"I can do a lot of things you don't know about," she playfully bumped his nose with hers. "You know when I was little I never thought fairytales could come true. I had to wait until I found you to believe in gallant knights and kind princes," she caressed his cheek. "I want Sophie to always believe that her life can be wonderful and magical, that she can be anything she wants, that she deserve happiness and love."

"You did too Mac, no matter what your parents may have said to the contrary," he kissed her once, twice and a third time before taking her hand and leading her down the stairs.

Once they neared the kitchen he noticed an enticing aroma, "Something smells great. What's for dinner anyways?"

"Well, what did you want for dinner?" she smiled back.

He backed her into the counter and leered, "I thought I had started on what I wanted for dinner before Miss Sophie interrupted." He once again began nibbling on her neck. Mac for her part began to wiggle in his embrace pulling at his shirt. "Mac what are you doing?" he asked amused.

"Skin, I need skin," she finally worked her hands under his shirt and onto his back. She then snuggled close and contentedly sighed. He was just about to return the favor when the phone rang. "Don't answer and maybe they'll go away," she mumbled into his chest.

Neither moved from their warm cocoon until the answering machine kicked on, "Sir, this is Bud. If you're there I need the witness statements for the upcoming Husanni trial…the SecNav's breathing down my throat…and ah…I think you took the statements home with you after our meeting this afternoon. Sir, if you're there could you pick up…it's really important…OK look…" Bud continued to ramble on.

"You better get that Flyboy before Bud erupts and losses it," Mac laughed smacking at his chest. "I need to get dinner out of the oven anyway."

Harm sighed and began to pull away. "Sure…you know he's the only one with worse timing than Sophie," he huffed in frustration as he grabbed for the phone. "Bud hang on…I'm here…."

xxxxx

The dream jumped forward 2 months, Harm was settled back in bed reading legal briefs when Mac entered the room and collapsed onto the bed with an exhausted sigh. "That daughter of yours wears me out, Sailor.

"Oh, she's my daughter now, huh?" Harm chuckled as he tossed the briefs on the bedside table and pulled her close. "What'd she do now?"

"Ran amuck in the restaurant when Harriet and I were out to lunch!" she laid her head on his chest.

"Mac, she's only 8 months old…how amuck can she get?" he laughed as he began running his fingers through her hair.

"Try screaming at the top of her lungs, she even got the twins and Hailey going…can you believe Bud and Harriet had a fifth kid…I mean I'm ready to loose my mind with one!"

Harm chuckled agreement, "Yeah, I thought they were done after the twins…what was it the Admiral said, 'don't you two ever sleep?' At least Hailey and Sophie are close to the same age, they can grow up together."

"Harm, even if we didn't just sleep, I'm too tired to even contemplate more kids right now," she replied in a drowsy voice.

He stared at her with concern, "Even if Sophie was a terror today, you're not usually this exhausted what else happened today? I thought you had a day off?"

"Yeah from work, but sometimes the chores at home are worse. I think I would have had an easier day in court keeping lawyers like you under control," she whined.

"Mac, what else happened? I know Sophie had a doctor's appointment. Did everything go OK?"

"Mmmm, everything was fine. He wants to keep her on the breathing treatments since she wheezed with the last cold. He thinks she's probably going to have asthma from her chronic lung problems."

"Yeah, Dr. Williams warned us about that. Everything else was OK though, right?"

She sat back up in bed and frowned, "Yeah, but with having to do breathing treatment 3-4 times a day, plus pumping then feeding her, it just takes a lot of time. It doesn't leave much time to get anything else done," she tensed, starting to get upset.

"You know Mac, Dr. Matthewson said Sophie would do fine on formula," he pulled her back and began massaging her neck and shoulders. "Especially since we don't have to add all the extra stuff to boost the calories. You could stop pumping and it wouldn't stress you out so much."

"I know, but I promised I would do it for the first year just like breastfeeding. It's better for her and besides…"

"Besides what Mac…it's not better for Sophie if you're exhausted," he said as he concentrated on working on a particularly tight knot behind her right shoulder.

"Harm, it's just that…" she sighed, "…I don't know how to explain it to you. Nothing about Sophie's pregnancy, delivery or first year was anything like I planned. Don't get me wrong, I love her and wouldn't give her away for anything in the world, even if I had to go through it all again…but that doesn't mean that I don't wish I could have enjoyed my pregnancy more, had a normal delivery and all those other things that mothers like Harriet get to enjoy. Do you understand what I mean?" she turned away as her eyes filled with tears.

"Hey, it's OK…I do understand," he pulled her back down into his arms. "I would have liked all those things too. Remember, Dr. Williams said it was normal to feel this way. It's like you grieve the loss of what your dreams had been…it doesn't mean we love Sophie any less. I understand if you want to continue pumping because in some small way that was part of that lost dream, and I love that you want to do that for Sophie…but if you're tired and want to stop I'll support that decision too."

"Thanks…" she sniffed "…but that was part of the problem today."

He shook his head, "I don't understand…did I miss something?"

"Yeah, your daughter pitching a fit," she laughed. "I had forgotten her bottle. You know, if she'd eat any other kinds of baby foods it would be a lot easier. Anyway, she was raising the roof tops exercising her lungs…and the doctor thinks her lungs ARE a problem," she chuckled. "I tried everything to calm her down, pacifier, toys, singing, even some of the baby food and formula that Harriet had with her and NOTHING worked. I even resorted to trying to breastfeed her directly; she screamed louder and then BIT me with those cute little RAZOR SHARP teeth she cut last week. I was ready to walk out of the restaurant when she grabbed the spoon out of my soup. Next thing I know she's enthralled with the funny shaped chinese spoon and sucking down egg drop soup. I tell you, she's your daughter how else do you explain her weird eating habits, Sailor…I don't know too many 8-month olds that eat egg drop soup!"

Harm was howling by the end of the story, "I still don't understand what that has to do with you continuing to pump?"

"She won't take anything but breast milk…trust me, I tried the formula, boy did I try…I was wearing it!" Mac started to settle into the bed and nod off when an ear piercing alarm ripped through the air. "What the heck…" she started to jump from the bed, "…her monitor hasn't gone off in weeks."

Harm was already halfway out the door. "Stay there, I'll get it!" he screamed back, flying into Sophie's room. He hit the light switch inside the door and stopped short as he found his daughter giggling with the monitor leads unplugged and in her hand. He ran his hand over his face to catch his breath, "You little monster…you did that on purpose just to give Daddy a heart attack didn't you," he gasped out of breath.

"Dada," Sophie giggled back.

"Yeah, I'm Dada and it's night-nighttime young lady." He plugged the leads back into the monitor and laid Sophie back down patting her bottom to soothe her back to sleep. The minute he turned to leave the nursery, the monitor blared loudly again. He turned back to find Sophie giggling with the end of the leads in her hands. "Alright, princess clearly this is one of your new tricks, but Mommy's already exhausted from your antics earlier today. What's say we take this downstairs so Mommy can get some sleep." He turned off the monitor and lifted Sophie out of the crib and into his arms. Heading past the master bedroom, he peeked his head inside. "Hey Mac, everything's fine, our daughter just learned a new trick…an irritating new trick," he rolled his eyes. "We're gonna go downstairs and listen to some music. Why don't you get some sleep." Mac waved back and snuggled into the pillows already half asleep.

Entering the kitchen, he grabbed a bottle from the fridge and popped it into the bottle warmer. He then turned on the CD player and started Sophie's favorite lullaby CD. Grabbing the bottle, he settled them into a chair. He presented the bottle to her like an expensive bottle of wine and raising his brows commented with a stuffy exaggerated accent, "Madam, I present for your enjoyment, our best vintage stock. I understand this is your favorite maternal variety and the ONLY ONE that meets with your approval. I hope you enjoy." Sophie giggled in response but quickly got down to the business of draining the bottle with gusto.

Once the midnight feeding was completed, Sophie and Daddy began their nightly after-dinner dance. She giggled and jabbered as Daddy sang the lyrics.

_The moment I saw you I wanted to hold you_

_And keep you warm on a cold grey morn._

_The moment I held you I wanted to kiss you_

_And welcome you here on the day you were born._

He hummed through the refrain, and by the time he started the second time through Sophie was yawning and nuzzling her face into his neck.

_The moment I saw you I wanted to hold you_

_And keep you warm on a cold grey morn._

_The moment I held you I wanted to kiss you_

_And welcome you here on the day you were born._

He continued singing until she was asleep, then dimmed the lights and headed back upstairs. He placed her into her crib, reconnected the monitor and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek before heading back to the master suite and falling into bed exhausted. Sophie for her part demonstrated her new trick 3 more times that night. The following day a quick call was placed to the pediatrician who wholeheartedly agreed that Miss Sophie no longer needed her monitor.

xxxxx

Harm's dream morphed into birthday cake, candles and balloons…Sophie dressed up eating cake and enjoying the brightly colored wrapping paper instead of the gifts. She was happy and healthy and as normal as a one-year could be. The following morning, Mac awoke to an empty and very quiet house. She was surprised to learn that her husband had arranged for Grandma Trish and Grandpa Frank to take Sophie for the weekend. Since their first anniversary had been spent in the hospital, Harm had much more romantic ideas for ways to spend the second.

Harm began to smile in his sleep, savoring their romantic exploits when a ringing phone jostled him from his enjoyable dream. He jumped from the rocking chair dropping the stuffed bunny rabbit on the way. He hurried to the phone thinking that the hospital might be calling with news. He grabbed the portable headset still shaking his head out of a sleepy fog, "Rabb residence."

"Harm, it's Harriet. I tried your cell phone, but you didn't answer." He rapidly searched the bedroom for the lost object and then remembered leaving it in the kitchen.

"I'm sorry Harriet I left the cell phone downstairs," he trudged into kitchen locating the phone. He paged through the missed phone calls and was relieved to find none from the hospital.

"Harm…Harm…are you still there?" Harriet questioned.

"Ah sorry, I was just checking the missed messages. What can I do for you?"

"I was just calling to check on Mac and Sophie…are you sure you're OK…you sound kinda strange."

"Yeah…" he ran a hand over his face and grabbed a mug for coffee, "…I sat down for a minute and fell asleep."

"Oh Harm, I'm sorry I woke you. You probably had a long night…do you want me to call back later?"

"No, that's OK Harriet, I need to get back to the hospital. It's a good thing you woke me…I didn't mean to fall asleep…and I was having the weirdest dream."

"Oh yeah," Harriet laughed. "What about?"

"I can't remember…that's been happening a lot lately." He took a big gulp of the bitter coffee and grimaced. "Look I really need to go. Mac is doing better, she woke up this morning and they're hoping to move her out of ICU later today. Sophie's still critical but has shown some improvement; it's still to early to tell…" his voice cracked. "I gotta go."

"Ok Harm, Bud and I will be up later. Give Sophie and Mac our love. You're in our prayers. I guess this isn't the best way to spend your first anniversary, huh."

"Wait a minute, what did you say?"

"About being in our prayers?" asked Harriet.

"No, after that…our anniversary? Good grief, I completely forgot," he moaned.

"Harm, it OK…you guys have been through a lot in the last few weeks. Mac's not going to fault you for forgetting."

"You don't understand…it's our first…you don't forget your first!" he exclaimed. "Look I really gotta run…I'll see you guys later." He disconnected the phone and ran back upstairs to the bedroom to grab Mac's tote. He was halfway down the stairs before he remembered the stuffed bunny for Sophie. He ran back to the nursery retrieved the stuffed toy and then paused staring at the rocking chair. He just wished he could remember the dream…something about it seemed important. He shook himself from his musing and ran back downstairs. Grabbing the travel mug full of coffee sludge, he headed for the car. He was a man on a mission.

_AN: Both songs included in this chapter come from the CD, Sleep, Baby, Sleep by Nicolette Larson. The first song, "Starlight, Starbright" was written and recorded by Nicolette Larson. The second song, "The Moment I Saw You" was written by Graham Nash, and performed by Nicolette Larson and Graham Nash. Nicolette Larson wrote and recorded this CD after her daughter was hospitalized in a NICU; she noted that she couldn't find any music that was "quiet and peaceful." I love this CD and have made sure that each of my NICUs have a copy of it, to utilize as a drug-free way to soothe babies. If you ever want to give a 'unique' baby gift, I highly recommend this as a choice._

_**WARNING: DO NOT FEED BABIES THIS AGE EGGS!** Eggs given at a young age can cause an allergy due to early sensitization to the egg proteins. I included this story because my niece did this. She was a 27-week preemie, who went home on oxygen, a monitor, G-tube feedings and multiple meds. She had such severe oral aversion; she wouldn't allow anything near her mouth. The first thing she ate by mouth was Egg Drop Soup. We were at a Chinese restaurant and she was so enamored with the funny spoon that she ate the soup—that was just the beginning of her funny eating habits and food preferences._


	9. Chapter 9a

_AN: This is the one chapter that might create some controversy. I'm not one of those people who think you can just brush everything under the rug and forget it. Something or someone will bring it all back at the most inopportune time, better to just deal with it head on--with a little humor, if possible. I'm sure you'll see what I mean when you hit that section. This chapter is extra long & therefore had to be broken into two part (Parts 9a and 9b), please see chapter 9 and 10 within the posted story._

_For disclaimers see chapter 1. Thanks for reading._

Part 9a 

**Part 9a**

Between the Rabb house and the hospital, Harm stopped at an exclusive strip mall shopping area. The stores in that particular shopping center tended to be high end retail, and one of Mac's favorite clothing stores was among them. He entered the store and headed toward the back to the lingerie department. On one of the displays toward the back he saw exactly what he was looking for. With little else on his mind but getting back to Mac and Sophie, he failed to see the clerk refolding clothing on a lower shelf. He was already tripping over her and falling head long into a display of ladies underwear and bras before he could halt his momentum.

"Oh, I'm sorry sir…can I help you with something," the petite clerk apologized.

He managed to stand up and scoop most of the delicate underthings off his body before blushing profusely at the clerk. "No, no my fault…I should've been watching where I was going. I'm just in a hurry."

"Is there anything in particular I can assist you with?" asked the clerk in a polite tone.

"I'm just looking for an anniversary gift for my wife?" Harm stuttered back.

"Oh I see. Well we have some beautiful lingerie over this way," the clerk gestured toward the lacy and flimsy gowns in the corner.

"No…" Harm squeaked, clearing his throat, "…no I was thinking more along the lines of the pajamas over there." He pointed out a modest silk 2-piece set towards the back.

"Yes, of course," the clerk smiled politely. "You've been married awhile I take it?"

"No, actually it's our first wedding anniversary," he beamed back.

"And you want to buy her THOSE!" the clerk gaped back.

"What…oh you don't understand…"

"I'm sure your wife will love those pajamas, they're so…a…cozy…just what every women wants on her…first…anniversary," the clerk threw back with a tight smile. "Now then, what size might she need…perhaps an X-large?"

"No, you've got it all wrong. You see my wife just had a baby last night…and…she's in the ICU…my wife that is…well Sophie too…she's the baby…but…well it been a rough 24-hours…well 8 weeks really…."

"Ah…ah, Sir. If I could just interrupt one second, let me see if I've got this right. You wife is in the hospital…" Harm nodded, "…and she just had a baby…" He nodded again, "…and your wife and the baby are both in the ICU?" He nodded twice more. "Heavens sir, why are you here?"

"Well," he exhaled and looked around as though he were lost. "It's our first anniversary and it's been a really tough year. My wife's been on bedrest for over 2 months, and even though she's been through a lot in the last 24 hours…I still want her to know that I didn't forget and that I love her and I'm glad that's she finally my wife," he finished in a whisper with a look of awe.

The clerk smiled back, "I think that's one of the most romantic speeches I've ever heard…much better than the stogy prepared verses usually thrown out. Now, I take it you're looking for something that she can be comfortable wearing in the hospital?"

"Yes ma'am. I thought that those silk pajamas would work nicely."

"Yes, they're lovely pajamas, but they're kind of cold and stiff. You know, not particularly flexible or comfortable. I think I have just what you're looking for right over here." The clerk led him to a corner display of pajamas made of a soft-brushed stretch cotton. The fabric had a cream background with a lavender floral design and delicate cream lace around the v-neck and sleeves. "By the way my name is Evelyn. What size would your wife need?"

"I'm not sure, small or medium I guess," he fingered the soft fabric. "Sarah my wife is tall, 5-9, but is thin, lithe even."

"I suggest a medium with her height. They often shrink when you wash them. Now, how about a matching robe and I have some soft lavender chenille slippers that would work perfectly? That way she's all covered up when she goes to visit the baby." Harm nodded again. "Alright, if you'll just follow me we'll get you checked out."

As he followed to the register, he paused at a display of bath products and inhaled their delightful scent. "Oh, I see you've find our new line of fragrances and bath products. I love this one over here, it has a soft scent and wouldn't be overpowering if Sarah still isn't feeling well…here smell," she extended the lotion to Harm. "It's a mixture of jasmine and orange, what do you think."

"I think it perfect," he marveled.

"Why don't we get the bath gel and lotion, that way she can use them in the hospital. I also have a shampoo and conditioner if you're interested," smiled the helpful clerk.

Harm paid for all his purchases while Evelyn wrapped them with extra-special attention. She handed back the beautifully wrapped gift and his credit card. "It's been a pleasure, Harm. Tell your wife she's got something special and if I can help you with anything else, please come back again."

"Thanks Evelyn, I will," he nodded back as he hurried out the door.

Evelyn smiled to her associate, "I wonder if he has a brother, my daughter could use someone like him…Nah, probably one of kind."

As Harm hurried toward the car, he passed a bookstore and noticed a photograph album in the window. He smiled and opened the door to head inside. He located the correct section and picked out a leather bound embossed album with an area for engraving. He could have Sophie's name added at a later date. As he looked up, he saw two leather bound journals…perfect he thought, that way both he and Mac could record details about Sophie's hospital stay. Sophie would have a written and a pictorial remembrance of her already momentous beginnings.

As he wondered a bit further into the store, he was drawn to the children's department. Once there he paused to listen to a selection of music that was playing overhead. The music and lyrics sounded strangely familiar, but he couldn't place from where. As he continued to listen, a young woman approached, "Hello sir, may I help you with something?"

Harm turned to find a woman dressed in a fanciful tall pointed hat. "Excuse me," he chuckled.

The clerk followed his gaze, "I'm sorry. I just finished story hour and forgot to remove my prop," she smiled back while removing the hat. "Now, are you looking for something in particular?"

"Not exactly, I was just noticing the music that was playing…it's a lullaby isn't it."

"Yes, a beautiful piece isn't it. The songwriter was a mother who recorded the album for her daughter. Seems the baby was in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit and the mother couldn't find any soothing lullabies for her daughter to listen to in the ICU. So she wrote and recorded that album. I especially like the tract that's playing…it's so hopeful." Harm listened to the melody playing.

_Never thought that in a million years,_

_Never thought that you would come to me_

_You're the answer to a million prayers_

"It's beautiful," he replied. "I feel like I know that song, but I'm sure I've never heard it before. Do you have the album in stock."

"Let me check…CD or tape?" the clerk rushed off to check for the selection.

"Ah, CD I guess. I think my little girl will love the song. It describes what she means to my wife and me, perfectly," he mused, why did that song sound so familiar.

"Here we go…I have the CD in stock. How old is your little girl, anyway?"

"Ah…less than 24-hours actually. She was born last night, but she's premature and in the NICU."

"Oh, I'm so sorry sir. I guess this CD was meant for you then…I hope your daughter gets better. You'll have to bring her back for story hour when she's a little older."

"Yeah, thanks," he headed away from the children's department and toward the front registers. He stopped at the entrance to the children's section to gape at a large stuffed frog dressed in fancy attire with a crown. He shook his head and mused 'a frog prince, who would buy such a silly gift,' and continued on to pay for his purchases.

Walking back toward the car, he passed the window display of a well-known jewelry store. 'I guess jewelry would be more in keeping with a proper anniversary gift,' he thought while glancing in the window. Nothing seemed quite appropriate, but just as he was about to continue on, he spied a selection of charms in the corner of the window. As he looked closer, he saw a small 14k gold charm in the shape of a delicate little girl's buckle shoe. The charm had small diamonds and pink crystals adorning the top. He chuckled as he remembered Mac's statement of wanting 'comfortable shoes, lots and lots of them.' The charm, he thought, would be a good reminder of Sophie their best anniversary gift of all. He entered the store and purchased the charm along with a 14k gold bracelet to display it on, that way he could add more charms as mementos of other significant events in their life.

With gifts in hand, he returned to the car and headed back to the hospital. It was just past noon, but he had a good excuse for being late. He intended to pamper his marine a little on this special day.

xxxxx

13:15

Saturday, May 20th, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Surgical ICU

Harm arrived in the SICU to find an uncomfortable marine. As he was trying to help her find a more comfortable position, Dr. Abrahms entered the room. "Good afternoon Harm," he nodded. "Sarah, how are feeling." The doctor watched as she gingerly reclined back into the bed. "Are you taking your pain meds?"

Mac looked down and gave a barely discernible shake of her head in negative reply. "I don't…really…want to use them," she softly responded.

"Why not, if you're in pain you need to use them?" questioned the doctor.

Mac shrugged her shoulders in response. "I have a history of alcohol abuse as a teenager, I don't like to take drugs. I'll be OK," she sighed softly.

Harm looked on with concern, "Mac, if you need the meds…."

"Harm, no…plus I don't want to expose Sophie. The nurse said I needed to start pumping today."

"Sarah, in the first place, the pain medication I ordered is safe for Sophie in the small amounts that she'll receive in the breast milk. Initially you'll just get small amounts of colostrum, so the drug levels are small. Once you're more comfortable in a few days then we can switch to something like Tylenol that won't be a problem at all. Second, in the short time that you're gonna be on the IV pain meds, there is very little chance that they'll be addictive. I really want you to remain comfortable and pain-free to keep your blood pressure down. If you keep improving, we should be able to move you back to the antepartum unit by late afternoon. I'll have them remove the arterial catheter from you wrist now and that should make it much easier to move around in bed. Do either of you have any other questions?"

"Yes Sir, how long will Mac have to be in the hospital?"

"Well Harm, normally with a C-section I keep a woman in the hospital for about 3 days. However, with all of Sarah's other complications I anticipate her being hospitalized for 5-7 days."

"Will I have problems with high blood pressure from now on? I don't want that to affect my military service," Mac asked somewhat distressed.

"Not at all. The high blood pressure is a response that your body had to the pregnancy. Once you're delivered the blood pressure usually normalizes within a few days. Occasionally a mother may need to be discharged on oral meds for a short period of time, but this shouldn't be a life long problem," the doctor answered. He quickly added in response to the question that he saw on Harm's face, "And before you ask Harm, the fact that Sarah had high blood pressure with this pregnancy doesn't mean that it will happen with the next." Harm released a breath in relief and smiled at Mac.

"Well, I'll let you get some rest. Don't keep her up too much Harm; I really want her to relax so that she can get out of the ICU," the doctor waved as he started for the door. "Sarah, I'll have the nurse come in with the pain meds and remove that arterial line," he winked back at Mac.

Mac leaned back and sighed. Harm sat on the bed and gently shifted her over before taking her in his arms. "What's wrong honey? What the doctor said was good news."

"I know I just didn't want to take the pain meds," she whispered back turning her face away.

He reached up and placed a finger under chin turning her face back to him. Placing his lips on her forehead, he replied gently, "Mac, the doctor said it was safe and I don't want you hurting. Besides the quicker you get out of the ICU the sooner you can go visit Sophie." Her eyes lit up and she smiled at the obvious bribe.

At that moment the nurse came into the room with a syringe in hand. "Dr. Abrahms wants you to have this Demerol, Colonel. I'll also be removing that catheter in your wrist." She looked up and eyed Harm with one eyebrow raised.

"I'm sorry, I'll just move," Harm mumbled and began to rise from the bed.

Mac held him tightly in place. "I'll make you a deal…I'll take the med, if you stay right here with me until I fall asleep."

Harm looked back at the nurse pleading with questioning eyes. "Alright Sir, you can stay where you are. I'll just give you this Demerol and then…"

"No…take out the catheter first then the med. I don't want to fall asleep too quickly." She glance back toward Harm, "I want to hear about Sophie."

The nurse smiled her understanding and made short order out of removing the arterial catheter. "I'll be right back," the nurse smiled and winked at Harm who nodded back in understanding that they were being given a few minutes reprieve to talk.

Harm positioned Mac back into his arms. He gently fingered her left wrist and grimaced. She relaxed against him and sighed in contentment at the contact. "Tell me about Sophie," she asked with anticipation while taking his hand.

"Well…she absolutely beautiful. She has short dark hair that's sort of in wooly tufts; the nurse said that was normal for a preemie. She has blue-green eyes and she's so tiny…her hand is barely bigger than my thumbnail," he said in awe while holding out his thumb.

"How's she doing…from a medical standpoint I mean?" she asked unsurely.

"Dr. Williams said she's doing as expected. She's on the ventilator and some blood pressure medicines," he was afraid to give to much detail for fear of upsetting Mac and causing her blood pressure to skyrocket again. "Look, why don't you close your eyes and try to get some sleep. I'll stay here and hold you for awhile before I go visit Sophie." He kissed the top of her head while gesturing with his eyes for the nurse to come in and give the med. Mac was just dozing off when he again spoke, "Happy Anniversary by the way." Mac looked up with sleep-glazed eyes and a questioning look. He grinned and kissed her forehead whispering, "Go to sleep, we'll celebrate later," then kissed her closed eyelids as she snuggled in close.

xxxxx

**Continued in Part 9b**


	10. Chapter 9b

**Part 9b – Continuation of Part 9a**

14:00

Saturday, May 20th, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

NICU

Twenty minutes later, Harm was scrubbing in the NICU and proceeding to Sophie's room. He was met by a bubbly marine as he approached the bed. "Hello Sir, I'm Maj. Roberta Moore, but you can call me Bobbie. I'll be Sophie's primary nurse. We like to have a team of nurses assigned to a small group of patients that way you only have to get to know and trust a few of us, and we really get to know our patients and their families. Since, I'm Sophie's primary nurse, I'll try to take care of her whenever I'm on duty," the nurse said with a friendly smile. "Do you have any questions?"

Harm moved over to Sophie's bedside and sat down. He noticed the large brightly colored nametag over her bed. 'Sophie' was written in big letters with flowers and ladybugs drawn all around the outside edge of the card. Harm raised a brow and gestured, "Wow that's pretty impressive," he chuckled.

"Yes Sir, we have a grade school class that decorates the cards as a school project. It gives our little patients their own identity and the school kids get to feel like they're helping."

He reached out and stroked down Sophie's arm before taking her hand. "How's she doing today?" he quietly asked.

"She's had a good day so far. Her oxygen is down to 50 and we've been able to wean her other ventilator settings as well. We've cut the nitric oxide, the medication for the high lung blood pressure, in half since I came on shift," she cheerily noted.

Harm nodded in response, "What about her other blood pressure?"

"That's stabilized on her current medications. I don't expect we'll be able to really wean those until her lungs are more improved and she's started to wake up more."

Just then Sophie opened one drowsy eye and looked at her Daddy. "Hey princess, you're awake," he marveled. She stretched her body in response to his voice, causing the ventilator to alarm. He looked toward the nurse in panic.

"It's OK, Sir. She's fine; the ventilator was just noticing the change in pressure when she moved. The alarms on the oscillator are very sensitive; you'll get used to them," soothed the nurse.

He relaxed back into his chair and began to stroke Sophie's head. "Trying to scare your Daddy are you little one." Sophie blinked back once more before falling back to sleep. He leaned over to place a kiss on her head and whispered, "Your mommy's awake…hopefully, she'll get to come visit you tomorrow. She can hardly wait to see you. We love you princess."

"Did I hear you say that your wife's doing better," quizzed Bobbie as she adjusted Sophie's position and flushed her IV line.

Harm beamed, "Yeah, Mac's awake and they think she can probably move out of the ICU later today."

"Mac?" the nurse looked up amused.

"Yeah," he chuckled. "Colonel Sarah Rabb, that's my wife."

"Ah, why do you call her Mac?" grinned the nurse.

"It's short for her maiden name, MacKenzie. I think she used that name early on in the marines to fit in, you know, show that she could hold her own with all the jarheads," he laughed. "Anyways, when we met she introduced herself as Mac. That's how I've always known her. Sometimes she's Sarah, but mostly she's just my Mac,' he tilted his head and shrugged in explanation.

"I understand, my name's Roberta but my husband calls me Bobbie. You should see the looks he gets when he tells someone he's taking Bobbie out for dinner and dancing," she laughed. "Is Sophie your first?"

"Yeah, we didn't think we'd be able to have children. Mac worked really hard to get her here…she just has to be fine," he sobered and resumed stroking the baby's hair.

Bobbie tilted her head in inspection, "You know Sophie looks like you."

"That was the deal," he whispered thinking back to the promise made 7 years prior.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"The deal…" he cleared his voice, "…she would have my looks and Mac's brains. If she'd been a boy it was supposed to be reversed. She's just 2 years late in making her appearance."

The nurse smiled back in amusement, "You had a deal about how she was supposed to look?"

"Not about her looks…ah, never mind," he blushed.

The nurse laughed, "So how long have you and your wife been married?"

"A year today," Harm beamed. "Sophie is my best anniversary present."

"But I thought you said she was 2 years late?" Bobbie frowned.

"Ah yeah," he fidgeted. "We've had her promised for awhile."

"I see," Bobbie grinned, it was fun to see a senior officer squirm for a change. "So you and your wife have known each other for a few years then?"

"Ten years," he nodded. "We met in the rose garden. I was being awarded a DFC by the President and we were being partnered at JAG for the first time."

"You met in 'THE ROSE GARDEN'? Wow, that's a story to tell Sophie. So, you've worked together for 10 years, but have only been married for 1 year…took you a while to fall in love I guess?"

"No…" he sighed, "…we pretty much fell in love from the beginning." At the nurses confused expression, he continued, "Well, there was JAG…ah…and we really didn't admit to ourselves much less each other…ah…military protocol, it's kind of like a 500-pound gorilla in the room preventing…ah…suffice it to say I guess I was kinda…slow," he laughed while looking away.

"Yes, Sir," Bobbie snickered back. "I'm gonna run out to get Sophie's next med…I'll be right back.

"We'll be right here, won't we Sophie." He grinned at his daughter, "Sophie sometimes your Dad is a real dolt…I'm just lucky your Mommy stuck around and we finally worked things out." He shook his head and thought back to a day in early May before their wedding. He'd almost blown it again.

xxxxxxxxxx Flashback xxxxx May 6th, 2005 xxxxxxxxxx

They'd been discussing wedding arrangements over dinner when they'd gotten into an argument over the food for the reception. Things had gotten pretty heated when he threw out the statement, "Mac, why don't we just table this until some other time."

Her eyes immediately reflected pain as if he'd physically struck her, "Sure we can table it; we can table everything if you want." Tears filled her eyes, as she quickly rose to leave, grabbing her purse off the table.

He'd barely had time to register her response before she was halfway out the door. "Don't run…" he begged as he grabbed for her arm, "…please, don't run." She turned back with a look of utter despair. "Look Mac, I know we agreed to just leave the past in the past…but no matter how much we want to ignore it…one of us is eventually gonna say something that brings it back to the present. I don't want either of us to 'get slapped in the face' by some meaningless phrase thrown out in passing that is instead interpreted by our past conversations and behaviors." Taking her hand, he pulled her back inside and closed the door. "Why don't we finish dinner then I think we need to have a serious discussion about what we each thought we said versus what we each thought we heard." He hugged her tightly, "I love you."

"I love you, too," was her tearful reply.

He smiled back, "Let's eat." Just to be safe, he never released her hand during the rest of the meal.

As they were clearing the table and finishing up dishes, he walked towards his bedroom. "I'll be right back," he noted over his shoulder. Mac could hear him rummaging through his bedroom closet. When he returned several minutes later, he took her hand and lead her back up the steps to the bedroom. He gestured for her to be seated on the bed, "Make yourself comfortable."

"What are we doing in here, Harm?" she asked with a puzzled expression.

"We're gonna talk and I want you to be comfortable." He started back down the stairs, "Oh yeah, if you need to do anything or get anything I'd do it now…I'll be right back. He grinned and headed for the kitchen.

"Harm," she yelled after him, "what are you doing?"

He returned moments later with a tray of goodies. "Sustenance, Marine…Bottled water, a carafe of coffee and chocolate for you…" he held up a bowl of blue M&Ms, "…and water, nuts and fruit for me."

"Harm, exactly how long are you planning on us staying here? And, where did you get a bowl of blue M&Ms?" she smirked.

"As long as it takes…and Mattie ordered them from some internet site, something about therapy," he shrugged. He threw a couple of extra pillows toward her before asking, "Do you need anything else?" At her negative reply, he waggled his eyebrows and smiled, "OK, batten down the hatches because no one is escaping until we're done." She frowned as he disappeared under the bed, but then looked positively horrified when he reappeared with a rope.

"Harm, what's that for?"

"Reinforcements, Mac," he grinned and proceeded to tie the end to her right ankle. He stretched the other end under the bed and then tied it to his left ankle before reclining back on the bed.

"Harm, you're acting crazy!" she exclaimed with eyebrows now buried in her hairline.

"Mac, I told you we're gonna finish this discussion. Now both of us have a history of running away when things get rough…this way no one can run or hide," he reasoned.

"So, you're just going to hold me hostage until I spill!"

"That's the general idea," he smirked back. "Come on Mac, I want us to settle this…I don't want to spend the rest of my life walking on eggshells worrying about what I said or that you might leave. We settle it now…we can each ask every question that we ever wanted to ask…and we answer truthfully, no holds barred." He tentatively glanced her way. "You want to go first?" She crossed her arms and shook her head. He reached for her hand rubbing his thumb across the back, "Alright sweetheart…first, I just want to say that I love you and nothing can change that no matter what. Along those lines…" he sighed nervously, "…when did you first realize you loved me?" She glanced at him from the corner of her eye then started biting her lower lip. He squeezed her hand, "I promise to answer the same question when you're through."

She inhaled to gather her strength and then nodded, "When did I think I knew or acknowledged I knew?"

He smiled back, "It's not a legal discussion, Mac…answer whichever you want." He kissed the back of her trembling hand in a gesture meant to calm.

"Ok…well I can't say I fell in love at first sight, although you did kind of make me wonder when you stared at me like that…and there was a spark of…" she shrugged, "…electricity when you took my hand. I think in retrospect I was at least in 'serious like' with you…" she smiled, "…when we were in the desert at Red Rock Mesa. When you helped Uncle Matt and then jumped on the skid of the helicopter to rescue me, I knew then you were something special…someone I really wanted to get to know." She sighed again, "Although I didn't acknowledge it at the time, I think I fell in love with you when we went flying that first time. You looked after me when I was shot…you never left my side even though you could have gotten to safety easier without me…and you've been by my side for the most part ever since." He nodded to acknowledge the truth of her statement. She continued, "I knew for sure I loved you somewhere between the time you saved me from Coster…the first kiss we shared on docks…and the trip to Russia." By now she was firmly ensconced in the embrace of his arms.

He caressed her cheek and kissed her, before nodding with a heavy sigh, "Ok my turn…you certainly stunned me in the Rose Garden…I momentarily thought you were Diane come back to life, but as soon as you spoke and touched my hand I knew you were a very different person. She was soft-spoken, chummy…flirty…I don't know…girlish. I cared about her, but in retrospect my feelings for her never even came close to how I feel about you…I'll never feel about anyone else the way that I feel about you."

She reached up to cup his cheek and pulled him down for a kiss, "Thank you," she whispered.

He hugged her back and continued, "At first, you were so…reserved…held back…Mac, I could always win a woman over with my charm…my smile, but you didn't fall for any of it. That intrigued me…I wanted to know more about you. Then when we went flying and you got shot, I felt so guilty for getting you in that situation…I wanted to protect you and I knew I had feelings for you but I wasn't sure how to classify them." He gazed down and saw understanding in her face. "When you showed up on the dock and stopped me from taking revenge on Diane's killer…look, I know you thought I was kissing her, and in the beginning I did see her…I kissed her goodbye, but honestly a few seconds into the kiss I knew it was you…I wanted you, I was just to scared to admit it. I was afraid of those feelings…unable to deal with them at that moment, so I let you believe that I was kissing her." He turned her toward him, "Looking back now I knew I was in love with you when you followed me to Russia…no one had ever gone that far with me before…you helped me deal with my father's death. If I had just been honest with myself then we could have skipped so many of the misadventures and miscommunications that we had to go through to get to here…to get to now. But I had too many issues still unresolved…so I talked myself into believing we were only friends…best friends. My subconscious must have been working overtime though, because when I proposed the baby deal on the steps at JAG I knew I wanted the whole 'deal'…marriage, kids, house…dog," he smirked. "I just wanted to resolve the one last issue of flying before I could commit to you fully…I knew I was right once I got on the carrier, I've never missed anyone so badly in my life. The main reason I came back to JAG wasn't because my career was at JAG; it was because you were there." He fell back tiredly against the pillows at the last admission, "OK Marine, your turn to ask the next question."

She nodded, "Harm, if you came back to JAG to be with me then why didn't you say or do anything? I was excited to have you back, but you were so reserved…held back."

"I knew I had to find my footing again. The Admiral wanted me to prove myself…and you were so chummy with Brumby…I didn't know where I fit in."

"Mic and I were just colleagues back then; you know, like you and I were colleagues. There was nothing else going on."

"Mac, you and I have never been JUST colleagues…that's a bad example."

"Harm, I even came by your office to see if you wanted to do something together…but you were calling Jordan. I thought you came back for her," her voice grew softer.

"Mac, I only called Jordan because I thought you were trying to work things out with Brumby. Boy we're a pair."

"Yeah well, I made one last attempt in Sydney…but you didn't want me then either…."

"Mac, that wasn't what I said…I said I couldn't let go yet. I just wanted more time, but when I couldn't move forward on your timetable you went to Brumby."

"I didn't plan to get engaged to him. He asked me to dinner and forced the ring on me. I tried to stop him and tell him no, but he wouldn't listen. I didn't move the ring over to my left hand for months. Besides Harm, he was offering everything I wanted…a home, family, kids…everything you didn't want with me," she said dejected "If I couldn't have the person I loved most, I figured I might as well move on to someone who at least loved me."

"Mac, I did offer you all those things…what did you call the baby deal?"

"I thought you were just trying to offer me some kind of consolation prize, an olive branch of sorts, since you were leaving me to go back to flying. I wasn't sure you ever wanted to follow through on the promise…with me. When you rejected me in Sydney, I knew I was right."

"I didn't reject you, Mac…it's just that we were there on business and we weren't as close as we were before I left to fly. I told you I was only that way with you."

"Harm, you looked terrified at the very idea of being with me. You were backed up so far against that ship rail and holding on for dear life, I'm surprised you didn't jump over the side to get away from both that conversation and me. As for only being that way with me, that just confirmed by best friend/sister status…because it didn't stop you from being with Renee. You expected me to believe that you were waiting for the right time to be with me while you were involved with her…that's some leap of faith."

"Mac, I told you before that I never thought of you as my sister. I don't have a sister, but if I did the kind of thoughts that I had for you would have been illegal in all 50 states. Look, I had only gone out with Renee a couple of times and I only continued to date her because you'd moved on with Bugme," he sighed. "Can we move on from those two relationships, because that was a truly dark period of our lives that I wish neither of us had had to endure?"

"Sure Harm…" she sighed, "what else do you want to ask me?"

"Well, why did you run after Mic left? I mean I know you were upset that Renee was at my apartment that night…but I thought we were gonna work it out after I got back from the funeral?"

"Everything in my life was a mess at that point. Intellectually I knew you needed to be there for Renee, but emotionally it hurt…it was like Sydney all over again…you were turning me away. Then there were all the questions about when I was going to reschedule the wedding, why it was cancelled…about us," she looked away.

"What about us?"

"Harm, everyone could see how upset I was after you went down, they knew I located you…and then when Mic cancelled the wedding and left…well, let's just say that things were uncomfortable," she flailed her arms. "I felt like I needed to get away to find myself again."

"I can understand that, but why wouldn't you talk to me when I came to the Guadalcanal?"

"Everything was still too fresh. You came to me, but you hadn't even ended things with Renee yet…it was like she was your back-up plan if I didn't come through…that alone was wrong on so many levels. And then, when I asked you if you would give her up to have me you didn't even answer!"

"Yes I did, Mac…I said I would…you just ran out of the room before I could answer and then you wouldn't even allow us any time alone to discuss it after that."

"Harm, you had to think about it…I left because you had to think about it, like you were weighing your options…Renee vs. me. It still took you weeks to break up with Renee once you got back, which only confirmed my belief."

"I don't know what it is about 'us' that makes me an idiot, but when it comes to you, I never seem to be able to think fast enough, react fast enough…and when I do react quickly I always say the wrong thing. Mac, sometimes you need to give me time to think before I speak," he said in frustration.

She nodded, "OK, my turn…why did you make that statement to Sturgis about every man I've ever been involved with is either dead or wishes they were?" she looked away and began to twist her ring.

"Maaac, Sturgis had been riding me about our relationship…he didn't believe me when I said there wasn't one. I just threw it out there to get him off my six…I didn't really mean it."

She continued to avoid his gaze, "You know, often times the things that people throw out on a whim or when they're angry, bares some resemblance to the truth about what they really feel. I have to wonder if on some level you didn't mean it, after all you said something similar in Paraguay."

He could hear the tears in her voice. "I'm sorry Mac, like I said sometimes my mouth engages before my brain thinks. I don't think that, if I did why would I want to be with you so badly." He pulled her back into his lap and whispered into her hair, "I'm sorry I hurt you…I can't promise I won't say something stupid again, but I'm really trying to be more careful."

Mac nodded and relaxed into his embrace, "What was with Sturgis anyways? He wouldn't give it a rest…he even questioned…" she tucked her lips and dropped her head.

"Questioned what Mac?"

"He hounded me about the two of us until…" she whispered softly "…until I admitted that I was…in love with…you."

"He made you admit what?" he asked as he lifted her chin.

She cleared her throat, "That I was in love with you."

His eyes grew wide, "When did this happen?"

"When he first came to JAG. He and I were working that case involving Cmdr. Aiken, the one that I had the visions about her death, and you were investigating a mishap on the Patrick Henry." Harm nodded for her to continue. "Anyway, he kept goading me…I told him we hadn't slept together…he asked if that was the problem and insinuated if we just got it over with we could move on…" she nervously sighed, "…I told him it wouldn't work because I was in love with you."

"And he didn't tell me…Mac that was what, 3 years before we finally admitted how we felt. We could have saved…" he shook his head, "…why didn't he tell me?"

"Maybe because I threatened to inflict bodily injury to him if he let my secret slip," she chuckled. "Look Harm, I let it slip in a moment of weakness. I didn't think that you felt the same way, and I didn't want to be embarrassed again…maybe you don't understand."

"Actually I do…Mattie got me to admit the same thing last year," he grimaced back.

She shook her head, "I swear Harm…."

"I know, Mac. My turn now…Paraguay," he sighed.

"Harm, I think we should forget that time period just like we agreed to do with the Mic and Renee years."

"I don't think so, Marine…that topic is rich in misunderstanding that we need to deal with…your reaction to my comment about tabling the discussion is proof of that," he gave her an earnest gaze. "Do you need to take a little break before we start?"

"Sure, can I get you to untie me?" she asked with a chuckle.

"Not a chance sweetheart…we're in this for the long haul. Your tether…" he smirked, "…is long enough to reach the bathroom and I brought you all the chocolate you could need."

Several minutes later they had both settled back unto the bed. "Harm, what did you say was the purpose of the blue M&Ms?"

"I don't know, Mattie said they were for therapy…are they working?" he grinned grabbing a handful of her treats.

"Hey, get your own…" she frowned, "…I'm gonna need these if I'm going to make it through a discussion about the fall-out from that particular fiasco." She scooted to the other side of the bed and quietly stated, "I think it was your turn."

He nodded, "OK…Mac what happened before you left for that mission…I mean I knew it was going to be a FUBAR, Webb's missions always are…I didn't want you to go, but you just disregarded my feelings."

She played with the lid of her water bottle so she wouldn't have to meet his gaze. "We'd gotten so close in the previous year…it started slowly after the JAGATHON but I thought we were going somewhere…after Bud's accident I thought we'd finally be able to figure this thing out between us…" she peeked a glance toward him from the corner of her eye, "… but then we both reacted so badly to our chance on the bench. No, that's not true. It started even before that…when you were defending that female Commander who was accused of sexual harassment. Something about that case didn't add up…anyway when you made that comment to the effect that I'd slept my way into law school," she sighed. "Harm, if any other acquaintance had made a comment like that I would have been angry…if a close friend had said it I would have been hurt, but for you, the person I loved, to believe that about me…I was devastated. I thought you respected me more than that…then you reacted with such sarcasm to my rulings on the bench…you went behind my back to investigate the Singer situation…and I had to find that out from a NCIS officer."

He tried to take hold of her hand, but she pulled it away. "No Harm! You don't know how I felt…all of that just confirmed my fears that you thought I wasn't good enough…and then when you said that you didn't want me to go on the mission without you," she closed her eyes and nibbled on her bottom lip. "I'm a marine. I'm supposed to be trained to handle myself, but you didn't think that I could." She looked up toward the ceiling, "Of course…turns out I couldn't. You had to ride in and rescue me again."

"Mac, I never meant to suggest that you didn't earn your position in law school. You're a brilliant lawyer…I should know, I have to compete against you…and I've hired you to defend me," he joked to lighten the mood. At her response, he sobered and continued, "I'm sorry Mac. I can see how you might have taken the comment in that way, but that wasn't what I was inferring…it was a tough case and I couldn't use my client's best defense…the comment was just one of those stupid remarks made in frustration…foot in mouth again. As for my sarcasm when you were a judge…you gave back as good as you got…and I admitted later that you were good. The whole mess with Singer…I just plain screwed that one up. I should have leveled with you about Sergei, but I was embarrassed and acting in big brother mode. If I had it to do over I would've told you what was going on and asked for your help…by the time I was released from prison I just wanted to reconnect with you. The idea that you were going on a dangerous mission with Webb scared the hell out of me…not because you couldn't protect yourself, but because Webb's missions are never well planned and there's never back-up. I couldn't lose you."

"If that was the case then why were you so…so…" she sighed and swiped at a tear, "…I don't know…like I said before, you acted like you weren't even happy to see me."

"I was a military man on a mission. I knew I needed to get you and Webb out of there…and we needed to take care of the Stinger missiles," he looked at her and his bravado evaporated. "That's not true Mac. Once you left, I couldn't sleep. I kept having nightmares that you were killed, and I couldn't get anyone to give me information about where you'd gone, what you were doing. I finally convinced Catherine to put me in contact with Kershaw. I knew something was wrong but I couldn't get any more specifics except that you and Webb were in Ciudad Del Este and the CIA contact was Edward Hardy. I tried to talk the Admiral into letting me go find you, but he refused, so finally I had to resign my commission. As I left his office, the Admiral threw out some question to the fact of 'what was I going to do to keep you?' By the time I finally got to Paraguay, Hardy refused to help. If it hadn't been for Gunny I never would have found you."

He scrubbed his hand over his face, "Mac, I was so scared…I saw them shoot that couple and then lead you to that shed. I had to kill a man with my bare hands just to get to you…and when I realized that you were OK, all I wanted to do was take you in my arms. But we needed to get away, and then…" he closed his eyes and shook his head looking away, "…then I realized I was already to late. I gave up everything to find you…and you were already with Webb. Joke was on me once again…I was too slow…too late, once again. I saved you for someone else."

"Harm, I tried to tell you I wasn't with Webb, but you wouldn't listen. You just kept making those snide remarks and innuendos," she pleaded.

"Well, if you weren't with him then why were you kissing him? You two seemed pretty cozy to me," he threw back.

"Look I don't expect you to understand, but I felt guilty…we'd been captured because of me…because of my marine motto of 'leave no man behind.' Sadik had captured Gunny and I wanted to go back and rescue him. Hardy wouldn't give me any backup, so I was gonna go in alone. Clay volunteered to go along; he wouldn't have even been captured if it wasn't for me…and then he protected me by being tortured in my place…he wouldn't let them touch me. I felt so guilty listening to his screams…and then you magically appeared to save me once again," she reached for his hand this time. "I thought he was dying. I was comforting him...like I did with Dalton. I wasn't with him, Harm."

Harm pulled his hand away and stood, "Look Mac, Clay just played to your weakness. He used you…he put you in danger, and then made you think that he was protecting you. It wasn't his choice to be tortured; Sadik made that choice not Webb." He was getting angry at the situation all over again. "I gave up everything for you and you didn't care."

"In the first place, I didn't even know that you had resigned your commission until you told Clay; I thought the Admiral had authorized your absence to come to Paraguay. And then when I did find out, I asked…" she paused and bit her lip. "Why did you do it Harm? You wouldn't tell me…even when I asked you point blank. Do you remember a question…'you resign your commission and travel 5000 miles to find me and damn near get killed. Well riddle me this Flyboy, why?' Your only response was 'I think you know why.' Well, clearly I didn't know Harm…nor did I want to misinterpret another one of your cryptic statements…I did that before in Sydney and look where that got us."

He began to pace, "How could you not know? Even if I didn't say the words, how could you not know that I loved you? The actions should've been more important than the words."

"Maybe because you threatened to do it before for your father, for Sergei…heck, you even disobeyed orders to stay with Bud when he was injured. I knew that you cared about me…just like them…but I didn't even begin to fathom that you were in love me…hoped, wished, yes…but never knew." She turned away from him, drew her knees to her chest and wrapped both arms around her legs. She then softly spoke, "Harm, you say that actions speak louder than words, I agree. I deeply appreciate that you gave up the Navy for me, but the actions that I saw at that time were from a man who was argumentative and snide…you spent more time throwing a mythical wife in my face and demonstrating your displeasure with me…" she wiped at the tears streaking down her face, "…all I wanted was for you to take me in your arms and tell me you loved me…those actions I would have understood."

He paced back toward the bed and glared in her direction, "Well Mac, I wasn't the one who said NEVER."

She stood and glared right back, "No you were just the one that sucked the joy out of every situation!"

He paced away and then threw over his shoulder, "That's it I'm out of here. I don't know why I thought that this was a good idea."

"Yeah walk out of my life just like after Paraguay," she yelled. "I never said that I wanted you to stop being my friend, but you disappeared from my life without a word…a phone call. You joined the CIA…I didn't even know if you were alive…but you couldn't be bothered to pick up a phone and return one of my 17 calls just to let me know you were OK."

"You didn't understand…" he waved his hand in dismissal and rapidly walked toward the bedroom stairs. Unfortunately in his haste to get away, he'd forgot about his tether. He'd reached the 'end of his rope' both literally and figuratively and fell dead weight forward hitting the floor with a loud thud. He laid there, face down, quiet and unmoving.

"Harm!" Mac shrieked. The momentum from his fall had pulled her backward onto the bed but with the line taut she couldn't move further. "Harm are you OK…answer me…please be OK," she cried. She tried to untie the rope but couldn't loosen the knot. "Darn squids…teach them to tie knots," she mumbled between sobs. She grabbed the phone, "Hold on Sailor, I'm calling 911."

"Mac don't," came his whispered reply.

"Harm are you OK?" she begged as she dropped the handset back onto the cradle.

He remained motionless on the floor, but let out a quiet embarrassed laugh. "Yeah, I'm fine…the only thing bruised is my ego. I guess it's just desserts that I get caught in my own trap." He slowly sat up and crawled back toward the end of the bed.

Mac for her part pulled up the slack in the rope and moved to the floor at the end of the bed to meet him. They sat together dazed for several minutes before Harm started to chuckle. Mac looked at him in confusion, "What's so funny, Sailor?"

"Can you imagine the look on their faces if you'd actually called 911. How would you have explained our 'predicament'?" he gestured his eyes toward the rope.

She laughed in return, "I don't know…it would have been interesting that's for sure. The EMTs would have had a great story to tell about 2 navy lawyers tied up." She laughed harder, "Can you imagine explaining it to Cresswell?"

He pulled her into his embrace and laughed, "Luckily we won't have to."

Mac looked up into his face and her eyes widened, "I wouldn't be so sure about that, Sailor." She gently fingered the growing goose-egg on his forehead, "You're gonna have one nasty bruise and probably a black eye to match." She drew his face down and gently kissed his forehead. With lips still on his forehead, she whispered with cracking voice, "I'm so sorry, Harm. I don't ever want you to walk out of my life again."

"I don't intend to, Mac," he whispered back. He paused for a moment before continuing, "I didn't call because Beth said when I talked to you that I would know."

Mac pulled back and asked with a puzzled look, "Beth who and you would know what?"

"Beth O'Neill, she was my partner at the CIA," he explained. "And she said, once I talked to you that I would know that it was over. Mac I couldn't call…I'm sorry but I couldn't call."

She nodded in understanding. "Any more questions?" she asked as she ran her fingers through his hair.

He pulled her into his lap and nodded, "I promise not to run… why did you say NEVER."

She tried to pull away, but he held tight. "Harm, do we really want to go there again?"

"Yes, I think it's important. Please, I need to understand…you said I didn't fight you. Why would you expect me to fight when you stated your intentions?"

"She hung her head forward, playing with her ring again, "Because I fought for you."

He pulled her face back toward him, "When did you fight for me?"

"After the JAGATHON, when you said we were at the end. I suggested that we start back at the beginning. I couldn't let you go."

He nodded his head, "One more question…why did you help me get Mattie?"

She snuggled in close, "Because it was important to you, and you were important to me. When I told the judge that you were the kind of man that I would want to be the father of my children…I didn't mean the kind…I meant you were the man. But after Paraguay, I thought I lost that right…that chance."

"Never Mac," she jerked her gaze back toward him. "And that NEVER, I mean, you were always and will always be the one for me." He leaned forward and kissed her then sighed, "OK are we done now?" She nodded back with a look of complete exhaustion. He glanced quickly at his watch, "Wow, it's after midnight…what say we settle in and get some much deserved sleep."

She smiled back amused and held up her right foot. "Can you cut me loose now?"

He laughed back as he undid the knot, "I don't know Mac; I kinda like being tied to you."

xxxxxxxxxx End of Flashback xxxxxxxxxx

"Sir…Excuse me, Sir?" Harm jerked up to look at the nurse. "I'm sorry, Sir. I didn't mean to startle you, but you've been in another world for at least 20 minutes. I just wanted to make sure you're OK," asked the amused nurse.

Harm scrubbed his hand roughly over his face and then blushed, "Yeah I'm fine. I guess I zoned out there. What time is it?"

Bobbie looked down at her watch, "About 15:30, Sir."

Harm started to stand, "I guess I better get back to the SICU to check on my wife." He leaned over and gave Sophie a kiss on the forehead, "I'll be back later, princess." He whispered quieter, "That comment about your Dad being a dolt…could you forget about that? I won't tell if you won't," he grinned into her forehead.

He stood up straight, "It was a pleasure to meet you Bobbie. I look forward to you taking good care of my little girl. I'll be back later this evening…I'm headed to the SICU to celebrate an anniversary," he waggled his eyebrows.

Bobbie looked up amazed, "Sir?"

"Later Major," he left the room chuckling, leaving a stunned Major in his wake.

Bobbie leaned over to the baby, "Ah Sophie, about your folks…"


	11. Chapter 10

_**AN:** I know Harm was never given a middle name on the show; at least, not one we were privy too, so I'm giving him a middle name._

_I hope everyone found BOTH part of the last chapter (9a and 9b). For disclaimers see chapter 1. Thanks for reading._

**Part 10**

16:00

Saturday, May 20th, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Surgical ICU

Harm stood outside Mac's room watching her sleep. He'd been able to make a few additional plans for their anniversary evening. After leaving the NICU, he had talked with Mac's nurse and learned that Mac was to be moved back to the antepartum unit as soon as a bed was available. The nurse expected that to occur before change of shift at 19:00. He had then hurried downstairs, and as luck would have it, found Sally Martin working the dayshift. He had discussed his plans with her and both agreed that the antepartum unit was more appropriate since they would have more privacy. Finally he had talked with Harriet to find out when she and Bud would be visiting. He had informed Harriet of his final necessity and she had agreed to secure the item and deliver it when they came to visit. He entered Mac's room with a grin firmly in place; he would make their first anniversary memorable even if they did spend it in a hospital.

Mac stirred as he approached the bed, "Hey, how's Sophie?" came her sleepy greeting.

"She making progress," he noted as he moved to sit in the bedside chair.

"Na-huh," she shook her head and patted the bed. "Up here Sailor."

"Mac, I don't think they like that as much up here in the ICU, as they did downstairs," he peeked his head around the corner looking for the nurse.

"Harm, I miss you and I don't sleep as well when you're not close," she whined. "Besides I hear they didn't mind you being here last night."

"Mac, I slept in a chair last night."

"According to the nurse, only the bottom half of you was in the chair…the top half was snuggled on the bed," she grinned.

"Well, I guess someone is feeling better," he grabbed her hand and she tugged him onto the bed. He pulled her into his arms, "OK but if I get in trouble and thrown out, it's you fault."

She snuggled in close, "Tell me more about Sophie."

"Hey now, that wasn't the agreement. You said if I came up here then you would go back to sleep. It wasn't that long ago that they gave you that Demerol shot."

She looked up at him, "But Harm…"

He placed a finger to her lips and then replaced it with his, "Close your eyes and I'll tell you about Sophie." She was already drifting off one minute into his story. He laid his head against the top of hers and closed his eyes. The minimal amount of sleep that he'd gotten in the last 36 hours was finally starting to catch-up with him as well. He thought if he just rested his eyes; he could recharge for the rest of the day's events. He was asleep and dreaming before he could even finish the thought.

xxxxx

It was Christmas time 2007 and Sophie was now 19 months old. The holiday season had been hectic. Harm and Mac's professional lives were flourishing and their personal lives were equally busy. After Sophie's first birthday, Harm had begun to suggest they try in earnest for another baby. They never stopped trying actually, but natural means had proven to be elusive. They had met again with Dr. Chen to discuss their options. Harm hadn't understood the need to return to Dr. Chen since they had been so happy with Dr. Abrahms care. Mac explained that Dr. Abrahms dealt with the management of high-risk pregnancies and deliveries, while Dr. Chen dealt most often with the endocrine issues and infertility. Dr. Chen suggested trying Clomid again before progressing to the Pergonal injections. Harm had been skeptical, but Mac wasn't ready to start such an intensive treatment course while Sophie was still so small. They had both agreed to continue with Clomid until after the holidays.

With Sophie being a year older, the holidays took on a whole new level of joy and excitement. She loved the Christmas tree and on several occasions only escaped toppling it onto its side due to her Daddy's quick reflexes. They had finally resorted to placing the tree into the playpen for safekeeping. Turned out this was a good solution for Sophie since she'd always hated the contraption. She had screamed through pictures with Santa and ate handfuls of snow on her first excursion into the white stuff.

Christmas Eve proved to be a late night as Harm was busy putting together toys including a tricycle, dollhouse and Little Tykes Preschool Jungle Gym. Mac had argued to no avail that Sophie was too young for these purchases, while Harm insisted his little girl was a genius and needed the stimulation. Mac for her part settled for purchasing a Raggedy Ann doll, books and blocks. Harm had collapsed into bed at 02:00 exhausted but anxious to see Sophie's reaction. Of course he hadn't counted on her reaction starting at 05:00. Mac reasoned that she'd picked up on her Daddy's excitement. An hour later, the room was littered with boxes and gift wrap. The 'put together' toys were delegated to the outskirts of the room, while Sophie climbed through the boxes and tore up the paper. They had just retired to the kitchen to start breakfast with one very cranky toddler in tow.

"Sophie…no, no, no," Mac quickly grabbed Harm's coffee cup from her reach.

Sophie shrieked in response, "No Mama…Sowie's offee!" She again reached for the cup.

Mac blew her bangs out of her eyes and firmly planted the little one's backside back in her high chair, which of course only resulted in Sophie's intensified screams. "Harm, can you hurry with her pancakes. She's a real crank since she got up so early," she yelled over the noise. "And I'm a crab since I can't have coffee…I need caffeine to deal with this much anarchy…this early in the morning," was muttered under her breath.

"What did you say Mac? I couldn't hear you over Sophie's screaming," was yelled back. "And since when did she develop a taste for coffee?"

"I said I need my tea…and I think the coffee fetish started in the NICU when they put her on caffeine for the apnea," she started to yell again but then stopped when Sophie suddenly became quiet. She turned anxiously toward Sophie, "What did you do now, BooBoo?"

Sophie grinned back, "Goggy!"

Harm wondered back toward the table with a plate of pancakes laden with maple syrup and placed them on Sophie's tray. He then turned toward Mac, "Ah Mac, why are you suddenly drinking herbal tea instead of coffee?"

The words were barely out of his mouth before Sophie again shrieked, "Goggy!" at the top of her lungs. This was followed in quick order by several "yips" heard from the general vicinity of the hall bathroom.

Harm's eyes widened, "Oh my gosh, I forgot Sophie's other present."

As he started toward the front hall he was stopped in his tracks by a marine drill sergeant voice, "Harmon David Rabb, Jr. tell me you did not buy her a dog…because I distinctly remember a conversation in which I stated that I wanted her to be a couple of years older before we took on the responsibility of a dog!"

He turned back, "But Mac, it's not a dog…it's a puppy. And I think Sophie should grow up with one." He flashed his best flyboy grin with tongue peeking out.

Mac stood up with arms akimbo, "Don't even go there…we talked about this…and you can wipe that smile right off your face, Mister; it's not gonna work!"

The sound of several more "yips" could be heard from the bathroom. Sophie squealed and dumped the high chair tray along with the pancakes and syrup onto the floor, climbed down and took off at top speed for the bathroom. "Goggy, Goggy, Goggy!"

"HARM…"

"On it Mac," he took off after Sophie. The pair returned several minutes later with Harm helping Sophie carry the puppy into the kitchen. "Look Mac…she loves it."

Mac collapsed back into chair exhausted. Head in hands, "I can't believe you bought her a dog after I expressly said no. How big, Harm?"

Sophie approached Mac, dragging the puppy behind. "Mama…Sowie habe goggy." She giggled and pointed, "Goggy…Maijjy."

Mac turned back to find Harm slinking away, "How BIG, Harm?"

"Well Mac, I read up on the best dogs for kids and…"

Mac stood and pointed toward the 15 pound ball of fur, "HOW BIG HARM!"

"Ah well, she's a golden retriever, Mac. She should get to be about…" he slinked back further, "…ah, 80-90 pounds," he mumbled into his hand.

"Did you just say 80-90 pounds?"

At that moment the puppy escaped Sophie's grasp and made a beeline straight for the pancake mess on the floor. With Sophie in quick pursuit the duo slid right into and through the syrupy mess with squeals and yips, "Goggy…Maijjy!"

Harm watched in horror with mouth agape as Mac sat down hard onto the floor and began to cry. He approached cautiously, "Mac, don't cry…I'll clean it up…I'll take care of the dog, you won't have to…Mac, please don't cry."

Sophie toddled over and placed maple syrup sticky hands in Mac's hair, "Mama sad…Mama cwyin…" and turned to her Daddy with index finger extended, "…bad Daddee…make mama cwy."

Mac continued to mumble incoherently between sobs, "I…can't…handle…two ba…bies…and…a…pup…py."

"What…Mac, I can't understand you…please stop crying." Sophie joined her Mommy in tears at the same time that the puppy deciding to join the fruckus by biting and tugging at Harm's pant leg. Harm picked up Sophie, "It's OK princess, Mama's fine." He knelt down on the floor next to Mac and pulled her into an embrace, "Look sweetheart, you're gonna have to help me out here…you're scaring Sophie. Look if you want I'll take the dog back…"

Sophie wiggled out of his arms, "NO, NO Daddee…Maijjy mine!" She shook her finger at her father.

Harm ignored his daughter and pulled Mac into his lap gently rocking her, "Sarah, you're scaring me. I've never seen you get this upset before. You need to help me understand…what's going on, Marine?"

Mac mumbled between tears and then withdrew a white stick from the pocket of her robe and thrust it into Harm's face. "Pre..gn…ant," was uttered through shuttering breaths.

Harm took the piece of plastic, "Mac, what is…" his eyes grew wide, "…is this what I think it is?" Mac nodded her head. "Are you…are we…pregnant." Mac nodded again with hiccupping sighs. "We're going to have another baby?" he exclaimed.

Sophie jumped up and down clapping her hands, "Babeee…Babeee…Goggy…Maijjy!" She and the puppy then threw themselves at the huddled mass of her parents, sending the gaggle of four backwards onto the floor.

Harm peered nervously toward his now giggling wife, "It's OK Harm, I guess everyone can stay…but Mister…the dog is your responsibility!"

Sophie giggled back and pointed at her new furry friend, "Maijjy stay!"

"Mac, is she calling the dog 'Maggie'?"

Mac rolled over on top of her husband and peered down with one eyebrow raised, "I don't know, Harm…sounds good to me." She leaned over, gave him a quick peck on the lips and patted his chest, "By the way Flyboy, the mess is all yours…I'm going back to bed." And with a chuckle thrown over her shoulder she sauntered away to the 'peace and quiet' of the master suite.

Harm looked wide-eyed at the syrupy mess on the floor, baby and puppy and gaped, "OH MY GOSH…WHAT HAVE I DONE?"

Sophie giggled in return, "Funneee Daddee!" Which was echoed in the barks of the newest Rabb family member, Maggie the wonder pooch.

Harm spent the next 2 hours cleaning up the mess. The first hour was spent bathing both the baby and the puppy. Throughout the second hour, colorful curses were heard interspersed with "Damn maple syrup…who knew this stuff could stick to so many surfaces…should just call it super glue…." After dumping the bucket for the fourth time to get clean soapy water, the floor and high chair were finally clean. He slowly slinked up the stairs and fell into bed exhausted.

As he pulled Mac into his arms, he heard her sleepy sigh, "Haarmm…where…Sophie?"

"Bathed and in bed…go back to sleep," he nuzzled into the back of her neck.

"Haarmm…"

"What Mac?" he sighed, while rubbing his thumb back and forth over her stomach.

"Where…pu…py?"

"Bathroom…naptime," came his tired reply.

"…kay," was the last uttered sound for the next 3 hours.

xxxxx

The Rabb clan was up and dressed by noon, heading to the Roberts' family home for a late Christmas lunch. With a total of 6 kids between the 2 families, they all thought that a dinner on Christmas afternoon would go over better than Christmas Eve. Bud opened the door only to be greeted by a frustrated Harm, who was trying to control a wiggly screaming toddler.

"NO Daddee…go home…Goggy…Maijjy…NOW!" she shrieked in top voice.

"Sophie stop…we'll see Maggie when we get home," he tried to grab hold of a kicking foot before it could do damage to some of his more valuable assets.

"No Daddee…NOOOW!" she pointed a little finger back toward the car.

"Princess, don't you want to play with Nicki and Hailey?" he reasoned to the out of control child.

"NO!…Pweeeze go home…I wan Mama!" she cried having now climbed halfway over his shoulder.

"Mac, could you help me here?" he begged, while desperately trying not to drop his bundle.

Mac walked past the tangling duo, "I don't think so, Harm. My hands are already full with the gifts and food…besides you created this little dilemma, Flyboy, remember," she poked a finger into his chest and smiled as she headed back towards the Roberts' kitchen.

Harriet appeared at that moment, "What's going on in here…it sounds like World War III?"

Harm sighed, "We had to leave the new d-o-g at home."

Harriet's eyes widened, "You got her a dog…but I thought Mac said 'no'?" She tried vainly to help subdue the fighting toddler.

"Goggy, Goggy, Goggy," Sophie again screamed at the mention of the word 'dog.'

"Don't rub it in," he grumped. "I'm never going to hear the end of that statement…or my new 'responsibilities'," he mocked. "Sophie…Please stop!" he held the kicking child away from his body to prevent further insult.

Harriet held up a finger, "Hang on a minute…I have an idea," she chuckled as she left the room. She returned a few seconds later with a heavily iced and decorated sugar cookie and dangled it in front of Sophie's face. "Sophie, look what Aunt Harriet has."

Sophie took one look at the cookie and went dead weight silent in her father's arms. With eyes mesmerized by the offering, she reached out her little hand toward the sweet treat while uttering only hiccupped gasps.

Harm interjected, "But Harriet, she hasn't even eaten lunch yet…and I don't like her to have all that sugar." Harriet's only response was to roll her eyes in a 'duh' exclamation and point to the now quiet child. "Never mind," Harm sighed back. "Here Sophie…go see your Aunt Harriet…" he handed the baby off and turned toward the living room. "Where are the MEN!" he pouted.

He wondered into the living room to find Bud and AJ watching football. As he surveyed the room, he found 6 little people playing on the floor. Little AJ, now age 8, was playing Navy with his brother Jimmy, now 4. There was another dark-haired little boy, who appeared to be about 3, joining in. Across the room, the twins Nicki and Tyler now 2-1/2 were busy building with blocks. Harm found baby Hailey, now 15 months, curled up asleep in Bud's lap. Harm walked over to the couch and dropped into its padded comfort with a heavy sigh. AJ looked over from the other end and smirked, "Busy day?"

"You have no idea," he rested his head back against the cushion and closed his eyes. "Bud, how do you survive with all these kids…I only have one and she's about to do me in," he laid an arm over his face. "Of course there won't be only one for very much longer," he muttered.

"Mac's pregnant?" asked AJ. At Harm's nod, AJ slapped his shoulder, "Congratulations, that's great…Sophie's going to have a little brother or sister."

"Heaven help me," Harm mumbled again.

"Well, it could be twins," Bud chimed, adding to his friend's distress.

Harm quickly glanced up in horror, "Don't even suggest such a thing!"

AJ laughed, "Harm, you're usually more pulled together than this…something happen this morning?"

Harm rested his head back against the cushion again, "You could say that…Sophie and the new puppy…"

"You got Sophie a dog after Mac said 'NO'…" Bud gaped, "…have you lost your mind!"

"Apparently," grumbled Harm. "And if one more person makes a comment about Mac saying 'NO'…" he huffed. AJ and Bud shared a look that said 'husband in the dog house.'

At that moment Mac entered the room with Sophie following close behind. She placed the now quiet toddler on the floor with the twins and walked over toward the guys. "Can someone make room?" she asked while eyeing her subdued husband. He cracked open one eye and grabbed her hand, tugging her into his lap. She settled back against him as he began to rub her stomach. She smiled as she intertwined their fingers and raised his hand to her lips; kissing his palm, she replaced their joined hands back over their growing baby.

Harriet carried in a tray of appetizers and was followed by a tall man carrying glasses of soft drinks. Bud cleared his throat, "Ah Harm, I don't think you've met Cmdr Bradley Michaelson and his son, Charlie. Bradley's gonna be working out of JAG HQ starting the first of the year.

Bradley walked toward Harm and extended a hand, "Don't get up, Sir. It's nice to meet you. I look forward to working with you and your wife."

Harm's face brightened, "Nice to meet you, Bradley…and it's Harm and Mac. So, are you a lawyer?"

"Ah yes…I've been at Pearl, but Charlie and I are settling into D.C. to be closer to my folks," Bradley replied back.

"What about your wife?" queried Harm.

Bradley looked down, "Ah…my wife Joan and our daughter were killed in an automobile accident about 3 months ago. That's why I requested transfer back to D.C. My parents live about 90 miles from here…they can help with Charlie if I get sent away on TADs."

Harm looked back shocked, "I'm so sorry. Look, Mac and I will be glad to help out if you get in a bind. Charlie looks to be close to Sophie's age."

"He just turned 3…and is having a hard time dealing with the loss. Having some playmates around would probably be a good thing. Harriet offered to provide daycare, since she's reserved her status. I understand she also watches Sophie?"

"Yeah, Sophie loves being around all the kids," Mac added. "Seriously, if you ever get sent away without notice, we'll be glad to keep Charlie…and if you need anything else don't hesitate to ask."

"Thanks, I appreciate the offer; I'll keep it in mind. Listen I better go grab the rest of the drinks," he said as he turned back toward the kitchen.

The remainder of the afternoon and evening were fairly uneventful. There was only an occasional skirmish between the kids over favorite toys and Harm and Mac managed to make it back home by 20:00. Harm gated Maggie into the kitchen and settled Sophie onto the floor with her new toys. He started a cozy fire in the fireplace and then approached Mac who was reclining on the couch. Tapping her shoulder he motioned, "Move forward a little." Once he'd settled behind and had her ensconced between his legs, he sighed in contentment, "Boy I'm exhausted…talk about a long day."

"Well Sailor, most of it you created yourself," she smiled back.

"I know…" he began to rub her stomach again, "…when do you think the baby will be due?" He placed his chin on her shoulder and kissed her neck.

She sighed and leaned back further into his embrace. When she didn't answer he gave her a gentle squeeze. She blinked her eyes, "Oh sorry, that feels good…I won't know exactly until I see Dr. Abrahms, but I'm guessing in July or August." She turned to kiss his cheek.

He pulled his hand away and then presented a small package, "I have one more Christmas gift for you." He smiled into her ear.

She took the gift and studied it, "Harm you already gave me enough this morning."

"I know…just open it," he encouraged.

She opened the delicate box and stared at the gold charm inside. He'd been giving her charms on birthdays or anniversaries to commemorate special events in their lives. He'd already given her the shoe for Sophie; a golden rose with a diamond in the center of the delicate bud for their first meeting; a golden replica of his stearman for their first flight together, and now this. She stroked over the surface of the gold charm with tears in her eyes.

"Sarah, I wanted to change your memories of that occasion to something good…something special. I had the charm made especially for you, so that it now represents the potential for our life together…our family's future." She carefully studied the miniature bridge which had 'ETERNITY' spelled out in small diamond chips across the front rail. He kissed her cheek, "I'm sorry I didn't answer that way then, but I'm not sure we would cherish our lives together as much now, if we hadn't gone through all that turmoil to get to now…and Sarah, I love the NOW."

She turned her face toward him and whispered, "Thank you, I love the now too…and I love you." She kissed him tenderly on the lips, before settling back against his chest with a contented sigh. She was just nodding off when she noticed how quiet the house was. "Sweetheart, where's Sophie?"

Harm looked around the family room and replied, "Ah…she was here a minute ago."

Mac sat up straight, "Where's the dog?"

"I gated her in the kitchen, why?" he continued to glance around the room looking for Sophie.

"You mean the gate that Sophie can climb," she questioned. Both of their eyes widened as just then they heard a crash followed by giggling. They both bolted for the kitchen where they found Sophie and Maggie sitting in the middle of a pile of doggy kibble with the empty 40-pound bag thrown to the side. Sophie was happily devouring Mac's box of Godiva Christmas Truffles and was smeared in chocolate from head to toe. Maggie in typical exuberant puppy fashion was licking Sophie's hands and face while she squealed in delight.

Mac grabbed the camera off the counter and clicked several pictures, before turning toward him with a smile, "Ah Harm…."

He looked back with resignation, "Oh no…but Mac."

"Harm, I believe the correct expression is 'clean up on aisle 5'." She leaned over and kissed his cheek, "I'm going to bed Flyboy…happy cleaning!" she laughed all the way upstairs.

Harm turned back toward the filthy duo who were giggling and yipping, "SOPHIE!"

"Daddee…" she laughed and pointed a chocolate covered finger, "Sowie hungee…Maijjy hungee."

Harm spent the next hour bathing, both the baby and the dog, while muttering, "What was I thinking…should have listened to my wife…" Once the kitchen was restored to order he settled into the rocking chair in the nursery with Sophie to read a bedtime story. He picked up Sophie's favorite book, '_The Velveteen Rabbit_.' She pushed the book away.

"NO, NO…Mama weed book…" and then pointed to herself, "…Sowie Mama's BooBoo Bunny."

Harm smiled at his daughter, "Yes, you're Mama's BooBoo Bunny, but Mama's sleeping. So we need to pick a book for Daddy to read."

Sophie scurried off his lap and returned with a different book. Climbing back up on her daddy, she exclaimed, "Weed Maijjy Mouse!"

Harm nodded in understanding, "You've been calling the doggy 'Maisy'."

Sophie rapidly nodded and grinned, 'Yez, Goggy iz Maijjy."

"Well…" Harm laughed as he kissed the top of her curly dark head, "…she's Maggie now." Sophie was asleep before they finished the book. He laid her in her crib and slipped out the door. He crossed to the master suite and climbed into bed with a sigh.

Mac turned over and smiled, "Is she out yet?"

"Yeah," was his exhausted reply.

She frowned, "Where's the dog?"

"Downstairs bathroom," he yawned.

"Harm, why didn't you get her a cage?" she pulled him down and settled his head on her chest."

"Because I…" yawn, "…thought that was cruel."

"But they're den animals, they feel safe in close quarters."

"…kay," came the final response as he rubbed his cheek into her neck.

She smiled and caressed his other cheek, "My poor Flyboy…you've had quite a day." She kissed his forehead and turned out the light.

The following morning, Harm found Maggie lying in the pile of toilet paper that she'd masterfully unwound from the entire roll. He sighed and yelled toward the kitchen, "You're right Mac, I'll pickup a cage on the way home…" then muttered to himself, "…when am I going to learn to listen to my wife?"

xxxxx

_**AN:** Sophie's books mentioned in this chapter are The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams and William Nicholson and Where Is Maisy? by Lucy Cousins._


	12. Chapter 11a

_AN: Posted in two parts. This is another long section, so it will be posted in three parts (Parts 11a and 11b). Thanks for reading._

**Part 11a of three parts**

16:30

Saturday, May 20th, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Surgical ICU

Lucy Watson greeted the dayshift nurses with a smile. They'd been short staffed due to a recent influx of new patients after a carrier collided with a Norfolk dock while coming into port. The highest acuity patients had been transported to Bethesda after initial stabilization, and she'd come in early to help. It had been a nice change of pace last night to have Dr. Abrahms' patient, Colonel MacKenzie-Rabb, in the unit. She loved the constant activity of the ICU, but sometimes it was nice to take a break from post op complications and accident victims, to enjoy a family who was celebrating the beginning of a new life. She walked down the hall past patient rooms taking stock of each patient inside. She paused by Colonel Rabb's room and smiled. They really were a sweet couple. She had laughed at Dr. Abrahms' romantic musings yesterday, but as she took in the sight of the sleeping couple huddled together, she had to agree there was something different…special, about this pair. Nursing report had noted that the colonel was due to be moved back to the antepartum unit at anytime. She was going to miss having the colonel and her husband around; they'd been a nice distraction of sorts. She softly chuckled to herself as she moved on down the hall; she'd never admit to Doc Abrahms that he was right.

Harm shifted slightly in his sleep and pulled Mac closer. He continued to dream, while softly muttering, "Need to listen to my wife."

The next few months had been relatively uneventful. Maggie was settling into her new role as Sophie's protector, confidante and friend. The pair did seem to find trouble with a capital 'T' but both Harm and Mac found themselves crying from laughter more often than fear. Sophie had also gleefully accepted Charlie into her inner circle of favorite people. Charlie seemed to be the calm that balanced Sophie's brash. Neither was quite happy when the other was gone. Likewise Harm had quickly found a new friend in Charlie's dad, Cmdr. Bradley Michaelson. The new lawyer had proven to be a brilliant addition to JAG HQ, someone who could balance the right and the wrong of the law against that which was for the good of the whole. Bradley's input in legal affairs was on par with Bud's, always valuable and insightful. Harm had also discovered that Bradley had a passion for planes, and while he'd never flown for the Navy, flying in private life was a hobby that he enjoyed with abandon. He quickly became a member of the JAG inner circle of friends, as they offered him both the emotional and physical support that he needed to cope with his recent losses.

One morning in early April, the Rabb clan was scurrying around the house trying to get to Mac's ultrasound appointment on time. They'd rescheduled the ultrasound several times due to conflicts in either Harm or Mac's schedule. She was now 22 weeks into her pregnancy and all had been progressing according to plan. Dr. Abrahms had threatened to send out the guards if they missed yet another appointment. Their first scan at 9 weeks had confirmed a due date of August 6, 2008. This follow-up ultrasound was a Level II scan to assure that everything was normal.

"How much time do we have?" Harm yelled from the bathroom as he headed for the shower.

Mac turned to respond, when she was stopped in her tracks by a small voice, "One howr and tirty eigh minnes." She stared shocked at her 23-month old daughter as she consulted her own internal clock.

Harm peeked his head around the corner dazed. "Did she just do want I think she did?" he scoffed. Mac nodded in affirmation. "Was she right?" he asked stunned. Mac nodded again. "Darn, now I'm going to have two of you riding my six to be on time." He grumbled while ducking back into the bathroom.

Mac picked up Sophie and headed across the hall, "Come on my little Timex let's get you dressed." She began pulling out a shirt and pants from Sophie's dresser.

"NO NO NO!" yelled the toddler, "Dos don go togwer!"

"Sophie I don't have time for your theatrics this morning. These are just fine."

"Noooo," she screamed back and wiggled out of her mother's grasp running to the closet. Sophie had somehow become something of a clothes critic. Mac had learned early on not to buy clothes as 'an outfit' because then Sophie would refuse to mix and match insisting that shirt could only go with those pants. She also refused to wear anything that she deemed to be 'Boys Clothes,' which made accidents at Harriet's house an interesting endeavor.

"Alright Little Miss, we're running late what do you want to wear today?"

Sophie jumped up and down pointing in the closet, "Dwess!"

"Fine," Mac replied and grabbed Sophie's favorite pink dress and patent leather shoes. She turned back toward the bouncing toddler, "Did Daddy give you a bath this morning?"

"NO No," Sophie shook her head. "Sowie take souwer wiff Daddee!" and took off at top speed toward her parent's bathroom.

Mac sighed and followed the bundle of energy. As she walked into the bathroom, Sophie was already stripping off her jammies and diaper. "Harm…" she yelled through the glass door, "…Sophie wants to take a shower with you."

"Oh, come on Mac…I'm trying to hurry," he yelled back.

"Yeah well, she needs a shower, and I haven't finished drying my hair or gotten dressed yet. She's all yours, Flyboy," she handed the gleeful child to the grumbling hands that appeared through the door.

Harm quickly soaped up the wiggly wet body and scrubbed her dark curly hair. As he turned her toward him to rinse off her back, Sophie began to giggle.

"Daddee, you habe a tao," she smiled.

Harm looked at her puzzled, "What?"

"A tao!" Sophie exclaimed and laughed.

"A tao…Sophie, Daddy doesn't understand," he exhaled with a heavy sigh. He was already running late and didn't have time to deal with this.

"A tao…" she pointed down toward his groin, "Wike Maijjy!" Harm gulped and quickly turned her away from himself and back toward the shower spray. "Daddee…you gettin Sowie whett," she screamed with her hands held over her face.

He quickly turned and held Sophie at arm's length outside the shower door. "Maaac," he bellowed.

"Just a minute Harm…I'm just getting dressed," came the muffed reply from the bedroom.

"No Mac…" came the terse response, "…you need to get Sophie, NOW!"

Mac raced into the bathroom to find a wet wiggling child being dangled from 2 large arms. "Harm, what the…"

"Take her, Mac…and by the way communal showers have officially CEASED!" Mac noticed his reddened face just before the shower door was slammed shut.

Mac grabbed a towel and wrapping Sophie up placed her on the counter and began to dry her hair. Sophie giggled again, "Mama, Sowie saw Daddee's wittow tao."

"What are you talking about, Sophie?" Mac asked while trying to run a comb thru her hair. "Tao, Mama…" and she pointed toward the shower, "…wike Maijjy's."

"Harm, what's she talking about?"

"Tail Mac and she means…never mind…" he grumbled and cleared his throat, "…and it's not LITTLE!" he huffed. Mac howled as understanding finally clicked. "It's not funny…and she is so not taking a shower or bath with me again!"

"Sophie, your Daddy is such a prude," Mac snorted as she began to calm down. She tickled Sophie's tummy, "Let's go get my BooBoo Bunny dressed and give Daddy some privacy." She walked toward the door and smirked back over her shoulder, "Oh and Harm…I like your little tail."

"Maaaac!"

"Daddee funneee!" The loud laughter of mother and daughter could be heard all the way down the hall.

The trio managed to make it out of the house and on the road within 20 minutes. Sophie was belted into her car seat in the back with her 2 favorite possessions, the chenille bunny and the frog prince. Mac sat in the passenger seat looking out the window; hand firmly in place over her mouth attempting to control her giggles. In the driver's seat, Harm glared straight ahead and refused to partake in conversation.

Sophie looked back and forth between her parents and began to giggle again, "Daddee habe a…"

"Sophia Elizabeth Rabb, that's enough!" barked her father.

"Harm, she's just a baby…she doesn't understand."

"Mac, she's never embarrassed you like that," he grumped back.

"On the contrary, Harm…this isn't the first time nor will it be the last, that your little princess is going to embarrass her parents. In fact, with two, you'll probably find your face a beautiful shade of red more often than not." Harm emitted a low-pitched growl in response and continued to drive.

Sophie giggled again, "Daddee…"

Mac turned around in her seat and scolded, "Sophie, that's enough…you hurt Daddy's feelings."

Sophie began to sniffle, "Sowie sowy Daddee…I wuv you." Mac grabbed her little hand and began to rub small circle on the back.

Harm smiled, "It's OK Princess…Daddy loves you too. Now, shall we go see a picture of the new baby?"

Sophie nodded her head with curls flying, "Es pweeze…babee in Mama's tummy."

They arrived at the doctor's office without further fanfare and all sat amazed as the ultrasound pictures of the newest Rabb appeared on the screen. When the technician turned on the sound for the heartbeat, Sophie eyes grew big as she pointed at the screen, "What's dat?"

"That's your baby's heart beating," explained the smiling technician. "Would you like to know whether you're going to have a brother or a sister?" she asked the little girl who was now ensconced directly in front of the screen.

"It's a brover," Sophie answered back. Harm and Mac looked back to the technician who nodded her agreement. "What's dat?" Sophie placed her finger on the screen.

"Well, that your brother's…" she shrugged to the parent's, "…ah, little boy parts."

Sophie's eyes grew wide and she smiled knowingly. "He habe a wittow tao wike Daddee!" she exclaimed pointing back toward her father.

Harm blushed furiously picking Sophie up into his arms. The technician laughed in surprise, "Well, that's a new one. Ah, I think we're done here. You can get cleaned up and dressed, Colonel Rabb. Dr. Abrahms will be contacting you with the results." She turned toward the still embarrassed father, "It's nice to meet you, Captain. That's some little genius you have there, congratulations on the new little boy," she smiled as she left the room.

Mac stood up and caressed his blushing cheek. She leaned in to his ear and whispered, "Let it go, Sailor…if you keep responding, she'll keep saying it." She then kissed his cheek and leaned back slightly to look into his eyes.

"But Mac…" he croaked still embarrassed.

"Let it go, Harm," she kissed him firmly on the lips and with one final caress, turned to get dressed.

Sophie cocked her head and studied her father a moment. Then grabbing his face in both of her chubby hands, she placed a loud wet kiss on his lips, "Sowie wuv Daddee, too!"

xxxxx

On the way home from the doctor's office, Harm stopped at a shop that sold unfinished furniture. Turning off the car he announced, "Let's go look…I want to find a corner bookcase to go in Sophie's room." He grabbed his daughter from the back seat and headed into the store, "Hey Princess, should we go find a cabinet for all your books?" The little girl nodded yes and squirmed to get down and explore.

As they walked toward the back, Mac paused to examine an unfinished crib. She ran her hands over the smooth surface of the wood and smiled. The head and footboard had small half-moons and stars carved out of the wood near the top. The side rails were composed of ornately turned spindles with a carved moon or star at the top as each spindle where it joined the rail. The matching dresser, changing table and rocking chair were similarly adorned.

Harm walked back toward her, taking in her reflective countenance. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and leaned his chin against her head. "That's a really nice crib and bedroom suit. I could see that in a little boy's room. What do you think, Mac…should we get them for the baby. I could stain and finish them however you want."

Mac leaned back in his embrace and sighed, "I don't want to buy anything yet, Harm."

"Why not…the technician said the baby was a boy, and everything's gone fine with the pregnancy?" he asked softly. He leaned to the side and peered into her face. "Mac, is something wrong?"

She looked away and wiped at a tear, "I can't, Harm. I can't explain it, but I just can't." She turned in his arms and buried her face in his chest.

He kissed the top of her head and nodded, "OK sweetheart."

He looked around to locate Sophie and then pulled on Mac's hand, "Let's go pick out a bookcase for the princess."

Once they'd decided on their choice, Harm told Mac and Sophie to get settled in the car, while he paid for the purchase and helped load it in the SUV. Out of Mac's earshot, he inquired about the baby furniture and was told that it was a 'one of a kind' set. He purchased the baby furniture as well and arranged for its delivery to the house. He could surprise Mac later with the gift, he surmised.

xxxxx

Two nights later, Mac walked into the house holding Sophie on her hip. She looked around the kitchen, study and family room but couldn't find Harm. She knew he was home; his car was in the garage. She placed Sophie down on the floor to play with Maggie and called his name.

"Up here Mac," came the muted reply.

She wondered up the stairs, but didn't find him in the master bedroom or Sophie's nursery. She heard a noise from one of the spare bedrooms and slowly walked down the hall. She found him in the front bedroom studying paint and stain samples. Positioned around the room was the baby furniture that she had admired. She stopped short with tears in her eyes.

Harm grabbed her hand and led her to the rocker. She sat down, turned to stare out the window and began to shake. He knelt before the chair and noticed immediately that her shaking was in fact silent sobs. "Mac, sweetheart…what's wrong. I thought you would be happy. It was a surprise. I even picked out samples of stain and paint." When she wouldn't look at him, his concern began to grow. "Mac?" he touched her face drawing it back toward him. "Sweetheart, did the doctor call? Was there something wrong on the ultrasound?" She shook her head and slid out of the chair and into his lap. She continued to shake with gut wrenching sobs. Harm was at a loss to explain her reaction, so he wrapped her tightly in his arms and gently began to rock, speaking soft words of comfort and love.

Finally after a long period of time, she stopped crying and began to whisper, "Harm, I can't explain it but I know something's wrong. The doctor hasn't called yet about the ultrasound, but while we there watching the pictures on the screen…I knew it…I could feel it. I'm sorry…I'm so sorry," she cried.

"Sarah sweetheart, you need to stop this. The tech didn't say anything and I didn't notice anything. Why would you be worried…is this because of the problems with Sophie?" he gently kissed her forehead and hugged her tight.

"No, I don't know…I can't explain it. I just know in here," she pointed toward her heart. "That's why I don't want to start on the room."

"Ok…it's OK…we'll just close the door and leave everything as it is until we talk to Dr. Abrahms," he soothed. She nodded in agreement and they sat there in the moonlight each praying that their son was going to be fine.

The following morning she received the phone call that she had been dreading. "Sarah, this is Howard Abrahms. I need to schedule a time to meet with you and Harm."

She brushed at the tears that pooled in her eyes, "When?"

The doctor sighed, "As soon as possible. I have an opening at 14:00 tomorrow."

"We'll be there," came her tearful reply. She called Harm's office to assure that he would be free and then closed her office door and wept for the son that she knew wouldn't survive.

The following day, Dr. Abrahms confirmed that there were several abnormalities present on the ultrasound, including abnormally clenched hands, a cleft in the lip and palate, and a malformed heart. He suspected an abnormality in the chromosomes and wanted to proceed to an amniocentesis as soon as possible. Harm was scheduled to be out of the country for high-level meetings for the next 10 days, so the procedure was scheduled for the first of May. Harm arranged for his Mother and Frank to come stay with Mac and Sophie in his absence.

Mac was despondent and distraught, so the presence of Gummy and Papa as Sophie had christened her grandparents, was a welcome relief.

The amniocentesis this time was uneventful and silent. Neither one of them expected good results this time around; and unlike before, those results would not be available for 3 weeks. Complicating the matter, Mac went into preterm labor 2 days later as a result of the procedure. She'd been easily managed with IV medications and a 3-day hospital stay. She was discharged to limited duty with the promise to 'take it easy.' Harm and Mac began to withdraw. Harm's schedule was hectic with new heightened levels of security due to terrorist attacks overseas. Mac for her part worked half days and provided care for Sophie in Harm's absence.

In early June, they met with Dr. Abrahms and Dr. Horvath, a genetics specialist. The amniocentesis confirmed their worst fears; their son was diagnosed with a chromosomal abnormality called Edward's Syndrome or Trisomy 13. Dr. Horvath explained that infants born with this lesion commonly have the features that had been seen on the ultrasound, in addition to severe mental retardation and a shortened life expectancy of less than a year. In fact most survived for only a few days to weeks. It was also explained that Mac, now in her 31st week of pregnancy, was too far along to consider termination. The couple agreed relating that they would not have considered that option even earlier, but everyone concurred that they would not offer resuscitation post delivery and would not stop any preterm labor should it recur.

Harm arranged for Harriet to keep Sophie overnight. They returned home and held each other and cried throughout the night for the son that would never grow-up, never enjoy a childhood, never…survive. Harm sealed and locked the front bedroom, neither had the fortitude to deal with the baby furniture that would never be used. The fates had denied them once again.

Mac went into preterm labor again, 2 weeks later on June 18th, 2008. Their son was born at 33 weeks gestation and lived for only 12 hours. Mac had only one final request, that their son be named after his father. Harm had refused to have a baby named the III when they had discussed names before learning Sophie was to be a girl. For their son, Mac suggested reversing the name to David Harmon Rabb. When Harm questioned why, she explained that David meant 'Beloved' and their son should always know that he was loved. They had debated whether to allow Sophie to see her baby brother, but their pediatrician encouraged the visit, noting that she needed to know that her brother was real. He also told them that children tend to look past the deformities and just see the baby. True to form, Sophie had loved her brother "Dabid" showering him with kisses. She didn't understand why he couldn't come home, but knew that God needed him in heaven with him. As her gift, she insisted that David should have one of her 2 prized possessions, her frog prince. David Harmon Rabb was laid to rest on June 21st, 2008 with Sophie's gift in his arms.

Following the death neither parent coped well. Harm, for his part, buried himself in his work; 8 to 10 hour days morphed to 16 hours or more. Mac withdrew into herself, blaming herself for their son's death. She spent hours in David's nursery stroking the crib or rocking in the moonlight. Sophie became more obstinate and combative; while Mac was tending to her physical needs, her emotional needs were neglected by both of her grieving parents. The Rabb's friends noticed the change in the dynamics of the small family and were determined to intervene.

xxxxx

Harriet arrived just before lunch on a day in late August. She found Sophie and Maggie playing alone in the family room, but Mac was nowhere to be found. Assuring that Sophie was fine, Harriet wondered the house finally locating Mac in the upstairs front bedroom. She entered quietly so as not to startle and gently laid her hand on Mac's shoulder.

"It was to be David's room," Mac whispered without turning toward her friend.

"Mac honey, why don't we go downstairs for some tea?" Harriet gently encouraged. Mac looked up as if surprised to find Harriet there. "Come on," Harriet smiled and took her hand, leading her from the room.

Harriet settled Mac into a kitchen chair and busied herself with making the tea. Once the task was completed, Harriet settled into the chair across from her. "Honey, what would you like in your tea?"

Mac glanced up, "Cream and sugar," was spoken barely above a whisper.

Harriet nodded and adding the desired ingredients, slid the cup across to her friend. "Mac, we're a little worried about you…what's going on? How's Harm holding up?"

Tears immediately sprang up in Mac's eyes, "I'm coping…I miss him."

"Who…David?" Harriet gently asked.

"David…Harm…either," Mac looked away as tears began to fall.

"Oh Mac, honey…I know you miss David, but Harm and Sophie are still here and they need you."

Mac looked back, "Do they? Harm's never here…he's always at work. And Sophie, well she deserves so much more than me. She deserves a mother who can protect and nurture; I hurt my children even before they were born. I guess behavior is inherited…at least, my parents waited until after I came out to start abusing me," she rubbed a hand under her eyes. "I should have listened to Dr. Chen when she told me I couldn't have a baby then no one would have had to suffer."

"Mac, that's not true and you know it. None of what happened with Sophie and David was your fault. And your life would be miserable if you missed out on Sophie…on Harm. I know this is difficult…I know you think no one understands, but we're all here for you…we want to help," Harriet grabbed Mac's hand to calm the movement.

Mac pulled away, "What would you know…you don't understand…" Mac stopped immediately when she noticed the hurt look on Harriet's face. She placed a hand over in her mouth in shock, "I'm so sorry, Harriet. I forgot…Sarah." This time she grabbed Harriet's arm and rubbed to quell the tears that had begun to form in her friend's eyes.

At that moment Sophie came into the room, "Mama?" The little girl walked close and lifted her arms to be picked up. Once settled in her mother's lap, she stared at her face and then wiped a little finger under her eyes to dry the tears, "Mama, why you cwyin…are you sad?"

Mac held her daughter close and began to rock, "Yeah baby, Mama's a little sad right now."

Sophie reached her arms around her mother's neck and squeezed tight, "It OK, Mama…Sowie wuv you."

Mac held on tight and turning her lips to the soft cheek whispered, "Oh BooBoo, Mama loves you too…don't ever forget Mama loves you."

The trio sat in silence for several minutes, until Harriet cleared her throat, "What do you say we all go out for lunch. I think we need to get out of this house and get some fresh air. Maybe we can stop by my place then and Sophie can play with the kids."

Mac looked up surprised, "Harriet, where are the kids?"

Harriet chuckled, "AJ and Jimmy are at school, and Bud had a day off…he's babysitting the troops."

Sophie looked up excited, "Is Charwie dere?"

Harriet bent down before the toddler, "Yes Sophie, your buddy Charlie's there and he misses seeing you." She extended her arms, "So let's go eat and then we can visit Charlie."

Sophie turned back toward her mother, "No, Mama," she buried her face in Mac's neck.

Mac smiled and cuddled her in, "Mama's got you, Bunny." She ran her fingers through Sophie's soft dark curls, "Where do you want to eat lunch?"

Sophie looked up with a mischievous smile, "So Gwun!"

Harriet looked to Mac with a puzzled expression. Mac laughed and placed a kiss on her daughter's cheek, "Sho Gun, she's developed a fetish for Japanese teppan cooking."

Sophie's eye lit up as she nodded her head, "Mmmm Gingewa."

Harriet laughed, "Sophie, you are one odd little girl."

Mac giggled back, "Oh you haven't heard the caviar story." At Harriet's amused expression, she continued, "AJ had this reception at his house, some favor for the SecNav. Anyway, Harm needed to attend, but our sitter canceled at the last minute. Well, Papa AJ suggested bringing Sophie along and putting her down in the back bedroom to sleep. We were all busy mingling, when I looked down to find my Bunny, in her PJs, standing on tiptoes eating caviar out of the bowl by the spoonful." At Harriet's howls, she added, "Don't even get me started on the crab legs."

Sophie bounced in her mother's arms and clapped, "Mmmm cabiar…crab wegs!"

Mac smoothed back the curls from the toddler's face, "She's her father's daughter…he's the one with the weird food preferences." She then leaned forward and kissed Sophie's forehead, "But I love'em both anyways."

xxxxx

Continued in Part 11b


	13. Chapter 11b

**Part 11b of three parts--(PLEASE NOTE: Read Part 11a first).**

Across town a similar discussion was occurring between Harm and Bud. Under the guise of needing to discuss a case and the promise of Harriet's famous Vegetable Tabbouleh, Bud had lured his friend to the house for a serious talk between 'kindred spirits.'

Harm was greeted at the door by the kind gentle face of Bud Roberts. "Hey Harm, come on in. Ignore the noise, Harriet needed to run an errand and I'm left minding the troops—4 permanent and 1 on TAD," he smirked.

At that moment Charlie came to investigate who was at the door. At the sight of his best friend's father, he brightened, "Is Sophie here?"

Harm leaned down and peered into the big blue eyes, "No sport…I'm sorry, but Sophie's at home." The little boy deflated and slunk back to the living room.

Harm looked up, crest fallen to have disappointed the boy. Bud smiled and directed them toward the kitchen, "Don't worry about it, Sir…he'll get over it."

"Bud…"

"Sorry…Harm. Why don't we talk in the kitchen…I've got lunch ready to eat."

"Sure Bud…wow this looks great. What case do we need to discuss?" Harm dove into the Tabbouleh, with his current work schedule he'd not been eating much.

"Ah Harm…there isn't a case," Bud fidgeted with his fork.

"What?" Harm froze with a forkful of food halfway to his mouth. "What do you mean there's no case? What's this about?" He started to tense.

"Look Harm…Harriet and I are worried about you and Mac," Bud stated nervously.

Harm dropped his fork and pushed back from the table, "There's nothing to worry about…I need to get back to the office." He turned to walk out of the kitchen.

"Harm, I've been there…don't throw away the best part of your life."

Harm turned back with a menacing look, "You don't understand anything about my life…so stay out of it, Commander."

"Oh but I do, Sir," Bud stood to his full height to show he wasn't intimidated. "I've been where you are…and my actions hurt the one person that I love most in this world," he glared into Harm's eyes.

Harm looked away uncomfortably. Bud sat back down and pushed his fork through his food, "When Sarah died I was devastated. I didn't know how to deal with my pain…so I channeled it into making it someone else's fault. I pursued that anger and blame right into the courtroom and in doing so hurt Harriet more than I can ever imagine. Instead of going to her for comfort…I turned away to something I was comfortable with…the law." Bud looked up as his friend settled back into the kitchen chair. "Harm, you and Mac took so long to get to where you are…do you really want to throw away the last 13 years of your life? You need to be working together not apart. You need to be each other's strength. That career that you're throwing yourself into for the distraction, won't mean anything to you if you lose Mac and Sophie."

"I don't know how to help her," came Harm's broken response.

"So you pulled away so you wouldn't have to watch…so you wouldn't have to fail," was Bud's gentle reply.

Harm nodded, "It's not fair, Bud. Is this payback for us not working things out sooner…not understanding sooner. Mac and I are good people…good parents…don't we deserve to have more children. Why are the fates hell bent on taking that away?" he was distracted from his musing by the sound of children's laughter from the front room. He looked down, "Bud…I love you, Harriet and the kids like family…but it's so hard to come here. You and Harriet make having a family seem easy. You have everything that we ever wanted…but can't seem to achieve."

Bud placed a hand on the broken man's shoulder, "Harm, having a family is never easy…whether it's 1 or 6…having, caring and loving your children is hard work. You need to cherish what you have rather than grieve what you don't."

Harm looked into Bud's face and marveled, 'when did Bud get to be so wise. How did he transform from that bumbling lieutenant into the man that sat before him?' Harm nodded, "Thanks Bud…I…" Harm looked down unable to finish.

Bud smiled back, "I understand, Harm."

Further discussion was interrupted by the opening of the front door, Bud was just about to run interference when they heard the thunder of running feet followed by children's happy squeals.

"Sophie!"

"Charwie!"

Harm jumped up and hurried into the front hall at the sound of his little girl's voice. He knelt before her, "Hey Princess…how's my girl?" Sophie stood transfixed and backed toward her mother with a frown. Harm looked puzzled, "What's the matter, sweetheart…aren't you going to give Daddy a hug?" He looked up a Mac with an expression of pain.

"It's OK, Harm…you've been gone a lot. I think she's just a little…" she carefully considered her words, "…uncertain."

He looked back at his daughter and nodded, "That's OK princess you can stay with Mommy. I'm sorry Daddy's been so busy, but I love you," his voice cracked.

Sophie stared at her father a moment longer then threw herself into his arms, "Sowie wuv Daddee too." Harm hugged her tight to his body and closed his eyes to prevent the tears from forming.

While the children returned back to their play activities, the adults retired to the kitchen for polite small talk and coffee. Harm and Mac were tentative around each other, neither wanted to disrupt the sense of calm in the room. Finally Harriet noted the time and remarked that they needed to get the boys from school. Harm and Mac nodded in agreement that Sophie was due for a nap. They packed up their little bundle and headed out the door.

By the car, Mac paused and looked at the ground. "Ah, can we get a ride home…if it's not to much trouble…" she apologized, "…ah, Harriet brought us here."

"Sure…" he smiled taking Sophie, "…and why would it be any trouble?"

"I assume you have to get back to work," she looked away. Why couldn't she talk to him...look at him, anymore.

He took her hand to get her attention, "I'm done for the day…I thought we'd all go home."

"Really?" she shook her head at the sound of hope in her voice. "You never come home this early anymore." At the look of disappointment in his eyes, she continued unsure, "I'm sorry."

He cupped her cheek to draw her face up, "Me too…and I think we should fix that." He bent down to give her a gentle kiss. She leaned into him deepening the kiss reaching out like a parched man seeking a few sips of water. They lingered several moments before parting. With one more, quick peck, he smiled, "Let's go home."

The ride to the Rabb house was quiet. Sophie had immediately fallen asleep and they didn't quite know what to say to each other. Their former level of comfort and ease had somehow disappeared in the last 3 months. They were uncertain and nervous much as they'd been after Sydney and Paraguay. Harm shook his head and sighed, now there were some memories that he'd just as soon forget.

Once at home, Harm settled Sophie into bed. It was already 18:00 and they were all exhausted. He found Mac standing over David's crib and bristled, "I thought we locked this door?"

She didn't acknowledge the question for several minutes before softly answering, "I needed to be here…to feel close to him."

He took her into his arms and pulled her close, kissing the top of her head, "We should get some dinner…I think Sophie's out for the night." He took note of the fact that she seemed thinner, waif-like in his grasp.

She shook her head, "I'm not hungry…let's just go to bed." She pulled away and walked out the bedroom door. She closed her eyes and sighed heavy-hearted when she heard him click the lock once again.

They silently busied themselves with their nighttime routines. As he joined her in bed, he rolled close and propping his head on one hand, he used the other to stroke her face. She looked away and with a tearful voice said, "Harm, I'm really tired…can we just get some sleep?"

He continued to stare and then moving his hand behind her waist he pulled her into his arms and settled back into the bed. He pulled her onto his chest and allowing his hand to slip under the back of her top, he dragged his fingers along her side counting each rib. She was so thin, "It's OK sweetheart…I just want to hold you." His fingers continued the journey back and forth along her side, "Sarah, I'm worried about you…you've lost weight. Are you eating?" he questioned.

She moved her hand along his waist, the small 'love handles' had disappeared; he was lean again almost like when they'd first met. She wiggled her head under his chin, "I could ask you the same thing," she whispered.

He sighed ruffling her hair, "We need to take better care of each other." He kissed the top of her head, "Goodnight sweetheart…I love you."

"Goodnight…Love you too," came the sleepy reply. Both lay there staring into the dark; sleep was a long time in coming.

xxxxx

The following Saturday, Sophie and Mac left the house early to spend the day with Harriet and the kids. Harm paced the kitchen waiting for Bradley to arrive. They'd decided to take Sarah out for a flight; with fall rapidly approaching, flying season would soon be over. As he poured his second cup of coffee, he heard Bradley's knock.

He opened the door and smiled at the tall man on the other side. He had Harm's height and build. Several people had commented that the two could be brothers. They each had dark hair and good looks. The one subtle difference was the eye color, one blue-green the color of the sea the other dark brown. Harm mused that Charlie must have gotten his deep blue eyes from his mother.

"Hey Buddy," was Bradley's friendly greeting. "Ready to take that plane of yours up?"

Harm smiled back, "Yeah, do you want a cup of coffee before we go?"

"Nah, I'm good. Hey, where's Mac and Sophie?" he poked his head around toward the kitchen.

"They're spending the day with Harriet and the kids? Ah…would you mind helping me with something before we take off?" Harm headed up the stairs.

"Sure, no problem. Charlie will be thrilled by the way; Harriet is keeping him while we're out." He chuckled, "He and Sophie are something of a matched set."

Harm smiled back, "They do seem to be inseparable." He led Bradley down the hall and paused to unlock the bedroom door. As he walked inside, he motioned around the room, "I wanted to get this stuff moved out of here."

Bradley touched the crib and replied, "This is really nice; how come it's not finished."

Harm walked over to the dresser, "I never got around to it. Once we found out about Dav…the baby's problem we just closed up the room."

Bradley nodded, "What are you gonna do with all this furniture?"

"I thought I'd donate it to Goodwill. I'm sure there's a family that could make good use of it," Harm looked at his friend and then motioned for him to pick up the other end of the dresser. "Besides it's time we move on…Mac needs to get over it and she won't do that as long as the furniture's here."

Bradley dropped the dresser back to the floor, "Wait a minute…Mac doesn't know that you're giving David's things away." When Harm looked away, he continued, "Harm, you can't do this. You need to talk to Mac first. You can't make someone let go before they're ready…trust me, I know. I've been here, Buddy. You never move on, you just gradually accept and start living again."

Harm attempted to walk past, "Never mind, I'll get one of the neighbors to help," he huffed.

Bradley stood in the door barring his exit, "Hold up, Buddy…listen to me. You don't want to throw your marriage away. You've got a great family…you need to talk to them. If you want I'll help you move the furniture to the attic. That will give you and Mac some time to consider what you really want to do." He stared Harm in the eye until he got agreement. "Alright, let's get this moved…we have a plane to take up," he cheered and slapped his friend on the back.

xxxxx

When he arrived back home around 20:00, he found Mac sitting on their bed. As he approached her to give her a kiss, she moved her face away. "Okaaay, how was your day. Bradley and I had a great time flying Sarah." He moved about the bedroom changing into sleep shorts and a t-shirt.

As he pulled back the covers on his side of the bed, Mac stopped him, "No," she glared, "…where's David's things?"

He sat down on the bed, "Look Mac…you need to move on…get over all of this. You can't spend all your time staring at furniture that's never gonna be used. Sophie and I need you, too."

She stared ahead, "Where is it, Harm?"

He shifted nervously, "I gave it away." She looked at him with utter despair. "Sweetheart, you need to move on…you've got another child who needs your love and attention."

"She's had my love and attention all this time while you've been busy working," she wiped away tears in anger. "How could you just give away our son?"

"Mac, I didn't give him away. I gave away inanimate objects. Dav…the baby will always be here," he pointed to his heart.

"You can't even say his name. Harm, I'll never get over my son. The best I can hope for…no, the best I can give him…is to enjoy living my life while never forgetting the memory…the legacy of him. You better than any one should understand that concept." At his puzzled look she continued, "Your Father." He reached for her hand, "NO…" she pulled back, "…I think you should sleep in the other room tonight."

"But Mac…"

"Harm, I can't look at you right now. I love you, but…look I just need some space."

He nodded then grabbed his pillow and some blankets heading out of the room. He glanced back at her, "I'm sorry, Sarah. Bradley was right I should've listened…and my son's things are in the attic," he paused. "I can bring them back down if you want."

"No, that's OK," came her soft tearful reply.

"I love you, Sarah," his voice broke as he left the room.

He didn't hear the "I love you, too Harm," whispered back.

xxxxx

The remainder of the weekend was tense and both of them were relieved to return to their work responsibilities on Monday. Harm had been tied up in meetings at the Pentagon all morning; but in the drive back to his office, he'd come to the conclusion that it was his responsibility to make the first move to restore peace. He got off the elevator at JAG ops to drop off his briefcase before finding Mac to go to lunch. As he reached to open his door, he was pleasantly surprised to hear Mac's voice inside. The look of pleasure was replaced by anger at the sight that greeted him in his office; Mac was ensconced in Bradley Michaelson's arms.

Without waiting for an explanation, his mouth engaged before his brain caught-up. "Well Mac, I guess some people never outgrow their old habits." At the look of shock from the two people before him, he continued, "It wasn't bad enough that you ran into the arms of someone I loathed or someone I considered a casual friend…no, this time you ran to one of my best friends."

The look of pain on her face appeared only moments before the tears. "Harm, you don't understand…"

"No Mac, I don't, but I think you are familiar with the question, 'why did you run to him so quickly'? What didn't I answer correctly this time…what didn't I do fast enough," he sneered, "…you'd think I'd have learned by now. After all I've had 13 years of practice."

Bradley tried to stop the onslaught, "Harm, Buddy I think you need to stop…before you ruin everything that you hold dear." He grabbed Mac's hand pressing a slip of paper into her palm. "Sarah, I'm really sorry…I hope you'll take my suggestion…" he looked back toward Harm, "…especially now."

Harm glared back, "Some buddy you are…and don't call my wife Sarah." As Bradley slipped from the room, he noticed that the entire JAG ops staff was watching this melodrama unfold. He tried to close the office door for privacy but was stopped by Harm's imposing and immoveable figure.

Harm looked back to glare at his wife and immediately deflated when he saw the broken presence before him. "Sarah, I'm…" came his dejected reply.

"No Harm, once again you've underestimated me…Bradley was just offering a listening ear. He wanted to explain about Saturday," her voice cracked. "You know I think you were right in your assessment ages ago. Every man who I've ever been involved with is either dead or wishes they were. Even though David was just a little boy he couldn't escape the MacKenzie curse; but maybe if you…run fast enough…far enough, you'll just feel death rather than experience it." As she walked past him she turned back and whispered, "I thought we promised to leave the past in the past…to not hurt each other with it anymore."

He tried to hold onto her arm, "Mac…I…." She pulled out of his grasp and walked away.

As he stood dejected in his doorway, Bud approached and dragged him into his office closing the door. "Bud don't start…"

"Sir, permission to speak freely," Bud glared hard and long.

"Save it Bud, you can't make me feel worse than I already do. Now I need to go find my wife and beg her…"

"Sir, first you're going to sit down in that chair and then you're going to listen to me." Harm looked up dazed at Bud's obvious insubordination, but sat down as instructed. "Sir, I love you like a brother, but I am disappointed to call you my friend right now. I think you've figured out that you played this situation all wrong. So before you go chasing after Mac and making things worse, I'd give both of you some time to cool off." Bud left the room slamming the door on the way out.

xxxxx

Continued in Part 11c


	14. Chapter 11c

**Part 11c of three parts--(PLEASE NOTE: Read Part 11a and 11b first).**

Harm had little time to think of the consequences of his earlier actions due to news of another terrorist attack in London. As he was clearing his desk to leave at 19:00, his phone rang. He glanced at the offending object debating whether to answer, then thought it might be Mac and grabbed the handset. "Rabb."

"Harm, it's Harriet…are you gonna come get Sophie or are we keeping her for the night?"

"Harriet…Mac should have picked her up hours ago."

"Ah Harm, she said that you would pick her up." Harriet paused, "She seemed really upset when she called at 14:00…something about a discussion with you…and that was on top of the thing with Sophie and the doctor's phone call this morning."

"What thing with Sophie and which doctor called, Harriet?" He was beginning to get to more frightened as the discussion progressed.

"I don't know, she didn't elaborate about either…but Harm, I'm kind of worried. You don't think she'd…no of course not. Look I'll see you soon."

"Yeah," he disconnected the line and immediately dialed their home number. When no one answered, he left a short message on the machine about picking up Sophie and being home soon. He then dialed her cell but only got voice mail and left a similar message. He grabbed his briefcase and headed for the car. He tried her cell and the home phone at every red light on the way to Bud and Harriet's.

He quickly collected his daughter and drove home. He raced into the house but found no evidence of Mac's recent return. Checking the answering machine, he found only the messages he'd left for her. He wandered up to the master bedroom to change clothes. While hanging up his uniform he spotted the envelope on his pillow. He sat down on the bed and picked up the letter with a trembling hand. He stared at his name written in her familiar handwriting across the front. Try as he might, he couldn't make himself open the letter. He was roused from his inaction by Sophie's cries. He placed the letter in his shirt pocket over his heart and went down to tend to his daughter. He settled her into her high chair with dinner and then pulled out the letter laying it on the table.

Sophie looked up, "Where Mama?"

"I don't know, baby. You remember that conversation we had about your Dad being a dolt, well Daddy really screwed up today." Tears began to flow down his cheeks, "I think I might have driven Mommy away for good this time."

Sophie began to sniffle. She didn't understand what her Daddy was saying, but she'd never seen him cry before. She reached out her hand, "Daddee, pweeze."

He picked her up and hugged her close. She wiggled from his grasp and picked up the envelope, handing it back to him. He nodded and opened the seal, immediately recognizing the familiar scent of Mac's perfume. Sophie pulled out the letter and handed it back then sniffed the envelope, "Mama," she grinned.

He smiled back and settled her into his lap before he began to read.

_My Dearest Love,_

_I know that you are beating yourself up over the conversation in your office today. Harm, I know you didn't mean what you said. You're hurting as much as I am right now._

_So before we can destroy all that we treasure, I'm going to take Bradley's advice. After his wife and daughter were killed, he fell apart and could no longer care for his son. His family located a clinic on the East Coast that deals with grief and depression. He thought that they might help me as well._

_I haven't run away. I'm just taking a break to get some help, so that I can come back to you and Sophie a whole person again. I love you both with all that I am and I promise to return soon._

_Bradley knows how to reach me, but I've asked him not to give you the number unless it's an emergency. I think this is for the best for now. Please respect my wishes and needs._

_I'll be home soon my Love._

_Yours Always,_

_Sarah_

He set the letter back on the table and sighed. She hadn't left him. She still loved him despite his stupidity and cruelty. He reached for the phone to call Bradley.

"Hello, Michaelson residence."

"Hey Bradley, it's Harm…Listen…"

"Harm, I can't tell you where Mac is."

"I know…I don't want you to. I just wanted to thank you for being there for her when she needed someone…when I couldn't be who she needed."

"It was my pleasure, Harm…Mac's a special lady."

"I know…and I almost blew it. Ah, listen…I need to apologize for my behavior towards you as well."

"Don't worry about, I know that wasn't you. Like I said…I've been there…I understand. So if you need to talk, you know where to find me."

"Thanks Buddy…I think I'll take you up on that. Mac's not the only one having a hard time, I just tried to ignore it hoping it would all go away."

"I'm here…Good night, Harm"

"Night...Buddy."

Harm looked down at Sophie and ran his fingers through her soft curls. "Sophie my love, you're lucky you only got Daddy's looks. Cause your Mama's brains were the better bargain. Let's get you ready for bed."

As he was ready to put her in the tub, the phone rang. He rushed with one naked toddler in tow to grab it before the machine could pick up.

"Mac?"

"No Captain…this is Dr. Horvath, the genetics specialist…I'm sorry to be calling so late."

Harm looked down at Sophie who stood shivering in the night air. "Yes Sir, I know who you are. Look could you hold on a second, I was just about to put my daughter in the tub."

"I'm sorry…I can call back tomorrow if you like. I just wanted to make sure that your wife was OK."

Warning bells began to go off in Harm's head. Harriet had said that Mac was upset about a doctor's phone call. "No no, that's OK. Let me just put her in the tub…I can talk on the portable."

He carried Sophie into the bathroom and placed her in the tub. "OK princess, play nice while Daddy talks to the doctor…OK." Sophie nodded yes and began to swim around in the water. With a watchful eye, he returned to the phone conversation.

"I'm back, Sir. Now what was this about my wife."

"Well…you see…I have a new counselor in the office and she called Colonel Rabb to set up a follow-up appointment to go over both of your blood results."

"Why would my wife be upset about that?"

"The counselor gave out information over the phone, which I prefer to do in person."

"And that's a problem why? I'm not sure I'm following, Sir."

"Well, the counselor thought that Colonel Rabb misunderstood and was very upset. I was just checking back in to make sure that she was OK."

"Doctor, clearly I'm not understanding this cryptic conversation. Why don't you start from the beginning and tell me what the counselor told Mac."

"Captain, I'd really rather discuss this information, with you and your wife, in my office. I have an opening tomorrow."

"Sir, my wife left…to go…well, she's really not coping well. I think you better explain to me what's going on."

The doctor sighed, "Alright, you remember that we did blood work on you and the Colonel to further understand your son's chromosomal problem."

"Yes, you explained that David's Trisomy 13 was a bit unusual and could be inherited."

"That's right…well…"

"You mean to tell me that Mac thinks David's problems were her fault?"

"Well, I think that's what she thought but I'm afraid she misunderstood. Look I really would like to discuss this with you tomorrow. Oh, and it would be helpful if you could bring your daughter along so that we could get a blood sample from her as well."

"I don't understand; why would Sophie need to have blood drawn…she's fine."

"I know that she doesn't have Trisomy 13, but we want to make sure that she's not a carrier. Carrier status can be inherited as well."

"OK, I'll bring Sophie along, but I still don't understand. If Mac didn't cause…" he paused as the understanding became painfully aware. His voice cracked, "David's problems were my fault weren't they?"

"Captain…I think this would be better to talk about tomorrow."

"I don't understand…I'm fine…how…"

"Captain…"

"Please explain, now. I need to understand now."

"In your case the chromosomes are mixed up a little…a piece of one broke off and reattached itself to another. However, because all the right amounts are there, you're normal…well a carrier…but normal. In David's case he inherited your one normal chromosome 13 plus the extra material that had moved and reattached. He had too much chromosome 13 material. Am I making myself clear?"

"Yes, I think so…for tonight anyways. Sophie and I will be in tomorrow. Good night, Doctor."

Harm sat stunned, in all the problems with Mac's pregnancies, he'd never considered any of them were his fault. 'Oh my gosh, I can't even tell her,' he thought. 'She was blaming herself today and I had to add to the situation with my uncontrolled mouth. How will she ever forgive me, David was my fault.'

Sophie interrupted his thoughts, "Daddee, me done."

He smiled at her and collected her from the water. After drying her off and dressing her in jammies he settled in for a bedtime story. He grabbed a book off the floor and flipped through the pages. It must have been new; he didn't recognize the story. Sophie stopped his movements and pointed to the frog being kissed by a princess, "Dat Dabid, Daddee."

"What?" he stared at the picture and then remembered the frog prince that Sophie had given to her brother. His earlier conversation with Harriet flashed in his mind. "Sophie, did you talk to Mommy about David?" Her dark curls flew as she nodded yes. "Princess, what did you tell Mommy?"

"Dat Dabid tawk to me in my sweep."

"In your dreams?"

"Ees…Dabid is sad wifout Mama."

Harm sighed and scrubbed his fingers through his hair, "What else did you tell Mommy?"

"Dat she my Mama too…and she habe to stway wif me not Dabid." Sophie turned several pages in the book before continuing. "Bedides, Dabid habe two Frampas."

Harm gasped, "You mean Grampa?"

"Nooo," Sophie shook her head, "FR-ampas, two frampas." She held up 2 fingers, "Frampa Dabid and Frampa Hawmon…So Mama can stway wif me."

Harm felt the room closing in. How would Sophie know, he'd called his Grandpa Rabb, Frampa David and she'd never even heard about his father…she wouldn't know to call him Grandpa Harmon much less, Frampa Harmon. No wonder Mac was disturbed today, between the doctor's office and Sophie's dream conversation with David. 'Mac sweetheart I wish you'd call me,' he mused.

He finished reading the story not even paying attention to the words. He got Sophie to sleep in the crib and retired to his bedroom. There was only person who could help him understand at this point. He checked the clock; it was only 20:00 in California. He dialed the number and listened to the rings. He was just about to hang up when she finally answered.

"Hello."

"Mom, it's Harm…I need to ask you some questions."

"Darling are you OK…you sound funny?"

"Well," he chuckled, "…it's been kind of a rough day."

"Is something…I mean Mac and Sophie are fine."

"I'm not sure where to start…I found out today that David's problems were my fault."

"I don't understand Harmon…how could they be your fault?"

"The short version is that, I'm a carrier for the kind of chromosome problems that David had." Trish was silent for several moments. "Mom…Mom are you still there?"

"Yes Dear… well, that might explain a few things."

"What do mean?"

"Harm, did you ever wonder why you were an only child?"

"I just figured with Dad gone…well that was why."

"Harm, I had 2 miscarriages after you were born. One was very early in the pregnancy, but the second occurred when I was about 8 months along. The baby, a little girl, was born with a lot of problems. They said that there was no way she could have survived."

"How come I don't remember any of this, Mom?"

"The first one was really early like I said…the second one happened when you were about 2 years old. You father was overseas and I wasn't coping very well, so I sent you to stay with your Grandma Sarah for a few months. I think that was the beginning of the closeness between you two. Ah, I had one other pregnancy with Frank."

"When, I surely would have remembered that?"

"It was the summer you went to Vietnam. You were so angry…we were afraid to tell you…and then I lost the baby…and there was no point."

"Wow, so this may not have started with me? I'm so sorry Mom."

"That's OK Darling…I was happy with what I had."

"Mom, can I ask you one other question? Did you tell Sophie about Frampa?"

"No…I haven't heard that name since you were, what 3 or 4? Why?"

"Mac's having some trouble…you know with everything that's happened. Anyway Sophie told her about her dreams. She said David talks to her in her dreams…and she said he's with his 2 Frampas. Mom I don't know where she would have heard that term except you or me?"

"I don't know Harm? Maybe she's just mispronouncing 'Grandpa' that's how you came by the term 'Frampa'."

"I asked her that Mom…she's adamant, David told her Frampa David and Frampa Harmon. I don't know what to think Mom…I mean Mac gets these weird 'visions' sometimes." He sighed, "Maybe I'm just tired."

"How is Mac, Darling?"

"Ah, not so great…and a lot of that is my fault…I'll spare you the embarrassing details."

"Give her time, Harmon. I've been where she is…it's not easy, but she'll be OK."

"Thanks Mom…I think I'm figuring the time thing out. I better go…Love you."

"I love you, too. Give Sophie and Mac a kiss for me."

I wish I could he muttered as he hung up the phone. Sleep was going to be slow in coming again tonight. He hugged Mac's pillow to his chest and stared into the dark.

Sophie woke up crying for "Mama" several times during the night. Harm finally brought her into bed with him. She wiggled and rolled until she found a comfortable perch prone on Daddy's chest. She stared at him in the dim light for several minutes before asking, "Wen Mama comin home?"

"I don't know, princess," he said with tears in his eyes.

She studied him a few more moments then wiggled up to give him a kiss. "I wuv you Daddee," she sighed before tucking her head under his chin and falling fast asleep.

xxxxx

The first Saturday in October, Harm was puttering around the house making minor repairs. He'd yet to hear from Mac, but she'd checked in with Harriet and talked to Sophie several times. He was beginning to grow impatient. He missed her terribly and wanted to tell her about the genetics results. He hated that she blamed herself for something that was his fault.

Harriet had picked up Sophie early that morning to give him a break. His daughter had become clingy and demanding in Mac's absence, never wandering far from her Daddy's side. So Harriet had made big plans to spend the day with her 'Girls', as she called them. She promised Sophie a trip to the theatre to watch the latest Disney release, as a bribe to leave her father. Sophie had cried and refused to go until the offer of ice cream had been thrown in to sweeten the deal.

All alone and with an aching heart, Harm had decided to fix all of the things that had been on Mac's 'Honey-do' list for the last 6 months. It was just past noon when he finished replacing the master bath showerhead with an upgraded massaging design and decided to give it a try. With the noise of the running water, he failed to notice the sound of the garage door opening or footsteps in the back hall. He stepped from the shower and quickly dried, shaved and dressed, pondering what to make for lunch. As he descended the stairs and rounded the banister in the front hall, he came face to face with a pair of dazzling brown eyes. He paused in place, staring back, waiting for her to make the first move. When the silence lingered to the point of unbearable, he shrugged his shoulders and asked, "What?"

She just continued to stare at him, taking in every detail…feeding off of his presence. He looked rugged and handsome standing there in well-worn blue jeans with the top button carelessly left undone. His soft white cotton oxford was untucked and unbuttoned with the cuffs rolled back. She suppressed an inward smile has she saw his bare feet and mused that she loved his long toes. As her eyes traveled higher, she noticed the damp hair that was gently tousled and spiked by impatient fingers…and then, she looked at his face. He had perfect lips, bowed and slightly parted, and his eyes…those eyes that one-minute looked like the sea and the next like the sky. Those eyes were her undoing, they could see to her soul. She shook her head slightly to clear her thoughts and then with just the hint of a smile replied, "I forgot how beautiful you are."

He smiled back, "That's my line."

She grinned, "You used it last time, now it's my turn."

He extended an arm, "Are you home to stay?"

She nervously chewed on her lip, "If you want me."

He extended both arms, palms up, "Only for forever."

He had barely finished the words before she launched herself into his arms. He closed his eyes and held on tight. Whispered 'I Love You's', 'I'm Sorry's' and 'Don't Ever Leave Me Again' were exchanged before their lips met in a long soulful kiss that spoke of love and need and forgiveness. When they finally separated, he allowed her to slide down the front of his body but wouldn't release her…he couldn't stop touching her. They stood that way for minutes drawing and renewing their strength.

When she took a step back, he noticed that she looked happy and healthy again. He ran his fingers down her arms and lingered to grab her hands, running his thumbs across her palms. He cocked his head to one side and observed, "You've put some weight back on."

She frowned and bit her lip, "Is that a bad thing?"

He smiled, "No, you look perfect, absolutely magnificently beautifully perfect." He ran his hands back up her arms pulling her into his grasp and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

She ran her fingertips under his shirt and over the skin at his sides. "I think you could still use a few pounds, Sailor. You haven't been eating," she scolded.

"I didn't have much of an appetite…" he whispered, then raised a brow, "…but I think it's returned," his voice was muffed has he bent down to feast on her neck.

She pushed him away. "I meant real food…" she coyly replied then raised an eyebrow back before adding, "…for now."

He laughed and grabbed a hand pulling her into the kitchen. "What would you like to eat…" he skipped a beat, "…for now?"

They played and teased and talked while they cooked and consumed their meal. Once the kitchen was in order again, they retired to the family room to catch-up on the events of the last month. With a fire dancing in the fireplace, he pulled her into his arms and proceeded to tell her about the talk with his mother, Sophie's dream, Frampas and finally the results about David. They were both relieved to learn that Sophie's genetics studies were completely normal and marveled that despite her initial tumultuous start in life, their daughter was happy, health, beautiful and brilliant.

In light of Harm's risk to pass on David's chromosome disorder again and Mac's potential for another complicated pregnancy, together they decided that their family was complete with the four percent miracle that was their Sophie. With the major decisions of life now resolved they both tried unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn. Just as they were nodding off wrapped in each other's arms, Harm pulled a box from his pocket and presented it to her, "So we never forget?"

She carefully opened the small box, knowing it would contain yet another glimpse of their life in the form of a golden charm. Mac gasped as she took in the token of love; it was perfect in every intricate detail. "Where…did you find it?" She ran her fingers over the surface as tears pooled in her eyes.

"I discovered an artist who could craft a perfect miniature replica from a picture we had with Sophie. Do you like it…I wasn't sure," he nervously wiped the tears from her eyes. He took her face in his hands and whispered against her forehead, "I don't want you to be sad…but I know that you want keep him close…keep his memory alive."

She nodded, "It's perfect…and so are you…I love you, you know." She ran her fingers through his hair, taming the spikes. "Thank you for giving me time to figure things out…and for Sophie…and for David…and for loving me," was uttered between kisses.

"But Mac…" he bit back his own tears, "…I'm sorry for David."

She shushed him with her lips upon his and whispered, "I don't blame you for David, anymore than you blame me for Sophie…so how about we each forgive ourselves as well?" She pulled back slightly to look into his eyes. He gave her a barely discernable nod and then pulled her back into him as they drifted off to sleep. The small box fell, from her now limp hand, onto the floor to reveal a small golden frog prince. As christened by Sophie, David was their little heavenly prince that was the perfect match to their beautiful mortal princess.

Several hours later, Harriet quietly crept through the house with the beautiful princess asleep in her arms. She located the exhausted parents on the family room couch; Mac lay asleep prone on top of Harm with her head tucked under his chin and their legs intertwined. He held her tight in his arms, his fingers gently rubbing circles on the bare skin of her back…even in his sleep he couldn't stop touching her. Harriet smiled at the sight; her friends had found their way back home to each other…the planets were aligned once again. She crept back out the front door with the princess still in her arms. Left behind was a note stating that Mommy and Daddy deserved one night alone to reunite…she would return late the next day with Sophie…and they should enjoy their time alone…and enjoy they did.

xxxxx

17:30

Saturday, May 20th, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Surgical ICU

Mac awoke to the sound of a shuddering breath and the feeling of dampness on her shoulder. She looked around the room initially disoriented but quickly recognized her surroundings as the SICU. She glanced up to discover that her husband was the source of both the sound and the tears. She touched his arm, afraid that something had happened to Sophie. When she received no response she caressed his cheek, "Harm sweetheart, is something wrong?"

He's only response was to whisper, "Sorry David…love you too," as he continued to cry.

She puzzled over who David was and then realized he must have been dreaming. She gently shook his shoulders and soothed, "Hey Sailor, time to wake up…come on Harm."

He slowly began to open his eyes and then blinked in the dim light of the room. He stretched and stared at her, unable to make sense of his thoughts.

She reached up to dry his tears and caressed his cheek, "Hey, are you with me now?"

"Wha…What's going on? I mean of course I'm here…why would ask that?"

"Well…" she chuckled, "…you were pretty deep in dreamland there for a minute. Who's David by the way?"

"David…" he pondered with a scowl, "…I have no idea, why?"

She smiled, "You said you were sorry David, I love you…should I be worried. You're not batting for the other side now, are you?"

"Maaac!"

She giggled, "Ok, I guess I'll keep you. What were you dreaming about anyway? You seemed really upset?"

He sighed, "I don't know but it's getting to be a frustrating habit." At her questioning look he continued, "I've been having these intense dreams the last couple of days. They seem important, but I can't remember them when I wake up." He shrugged and wiped a hand over his face. "How about you? Are you feeling any better?"

She snuggled back against him, "I'm a little sore, but I think this is the best nap that I've had in weeks. I always sleep better with you."

"Yeah me too." He stretched and yawned one last time before spying the packages in the corner of the room. He got a mischievous look on his face, "I've got a surprise for you."

"Oh yeah, what might that be?" She was relieved to see his mood lighten.

"It's a secret…but have I got a night planned for you, Mrs. Rabb," he grinned and waggled his brows. At her look of concern, he leaned forward his lips touching hers with a butterfly touch, "Happy Anniversary, Sarah," was whispered as he deepened the kiss.


	15. Chapter 12

_**AN:** Thank you for your wonderful reviews…I'm so glad you're enjoying the story._

**Part 12**

17:30

Saturday, May 20th, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Surgical ICU

Mac pulled away shocked, "What…Oh Harm, I'm so sorry…I completely forgot about our anniversary."

"Don't worry about it, sweetheart," he pulled her back into his arms, "…you've had a lot going on in the last 24 hours…heck, the last 3 months."

"But Harm, it's our first anniversary and I forgot. What kind of wife forgets her anniversary; much less her first…it should be special. I don't even have a gift for you."

"Hey, you gave me my best gift ever," at her confused look, he continued, "…Sophie, you gave me a beautiful daughter. I'm not sure you'll ever top that." He wiped away the tears trailing down her cheeks, "Besides, I forgot too, in all the commotion of the last few days. Harriet reminded me, in passing, this morning."

"Yeah, still I should…"

He silenced her with a kiss and then smiled, "Would you like to open some of your presents?" At her excited nod, he jumped from the bed to retrieve the packages. Climbing back in behind her, he presented her with the first gift bag. She removed the tissue paper and pulled out the 3 leather bound books. He rubbed the top of each book as he explained, "The large book is a photo album. I thought we could put all the photographs from Sophie's hospital stay in here, that way she'll have a pictorial memory of her miraculous start in life." He rubbed the raised border, "We can have her name engraved here." Next he grabbed the 2 journals, "I thought we could each keep a written journal of Sophie's stay as well; that way she'll have both a mother's and father's perspective of what she endured."

She leaned back to kiss him, "Thank you…I think these are a great idea. I can't wait to see her so I can start filling these up with pictures and thoughts."

"OK, next," he almost bounced with excitement, "…this is for your special memories." She slowly pulled the tissue paper from the bag. He smiled and tucked a stranded of hair behind her ear; he wanted to see her face…her reaction to the gift. She withdrew the gold bracelet from the box and ran her fingers over its surface, pausing to stare at the small golden shoe charm. He leaned over her shoulder, "It's a charm bracelet. I thought I could add charms to commemorate all our special moments, favorite memories, anniversaries and such." He touched the shoe, "This is for Sophie…our best memory yet."

She reached up to caress his cheek, "Thank you, I love it…and I love you." She leaned up to kiss his lips and then buried her face in his neck.

He felt the tears almost immediately and gathered her in, "Sarah, sweetheart, what are the tears for?"

She sniffled, "I never thought this would ever happen…that I could be this happy. After Paraguay, I'd almost given up hope of getting to this place…this dream. I thought we blew it…I thought I ruined everything, but you stayed near, patiently waiting for me to return…to see your love. Now we have our 4 miracle…we're a family."

"Mac, we're both responsible for our misadventures and misunderstandings…and we both persevered to get to this point. As corny as it may sound, I truly think this was our destiny from the beginning in the rose garden…we just took the long scenic route to get here," he smiled and brushed her tears away, "…but when have we ever done anything the easy way? The scenic route may take a little longer but when you take the time to enjoy the sights, you treasure the trip…the destination, that much more in the end."

He kissed her and settled her back into his arms, "Now, you're gonna have to wait until this evening for the rest of your presents. I spoke with Sally, down in antepartum, and she agreed that we'd have more privacy once you're transferred back down there."

Mac wiggled uncomfortable, "Harm, why do we need privacy…I mean I just had a baby…and we're in a hospital…what exactly do you have planned, Sailor?"

He laughed and waggled his eyebrows again, "You'll just have to wait and see."

At that moment, someone clearing their throat interrupted them, "I see you two are doing better. I hope I don't have to run interference for you with the charge nurse again, Harm," chuckled Chaplain Turner. "Sarah, I'm glad to see you awake and talking again. You gave us quite a scare yesterday. How's Sophie doing? You've both been in my prayers." Harm started to stand up to greet the chaplain. "No, stay seated, Son…I think your wife needs your support more than me."

Harm nodded, "Thanks for coming, Sir. Sophie's doing better. She's still critical, but her ventilator support is steadily being weaned. The doctor's pleased with her progress."

"That terrific…listen, you have a few other visitors outside. I told them that I would stay with you, Sarah…that way Harm can take them to see Sophie." At their questioning looks, the Chaplain continued, "Bud, Harriet and Sturgis are anxious to meet the newest Rabb."

Harm turned toward her, "Sweetheart, is that OK with you? I'll be back in a bit, to help get you moved back downstairs."

She grinned back, "Sure, go ahead…I'll be fine here with the Chaplain. Go be the proud Daddy and show off your daughter." As he started to rise, she tugged on his arm, "Give her a kiss for me?"

He leaned over and kissed her, "Sure thing…get some rest."

xxxxx

18:05

Saturday, May 20th, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

NICU

Harm showed his friends how to scrub, then took Bud and Harriet back to visit Sophie. He had explained that only 2 visitors at a time could accompany him to Sophie's bedside. The NICU staff wanted to keep the noise and stimulation, at each bedside, to a minimum so the babies and other parents weren't disturbed.

As he approached Sophie's bedside, he smiled at Bobbie, "How's Sophie doing?"

"She's doing better, Sir. We've been able to wean her oxygen down to 45, and we stopped the nitric oxide…the lung blood pressure medicine," the nurse explained.

Harm smiled, "That's great…um, would it be OK for Sophie to have this stuffed animal?" He extended the chenille stuffed bunny, "I thought it would be nice for her to have something from home."

"Sure, we encourage you to bring in little things from home, that way Sophie's bed space becomes more personal…comfortable, rather than cold and sterile. She's going to be here for awhile…you may as well make it a welcome place for you and Sophie," she smiled back. "I see Sophie has some visitors?"

Harm looked back startled, in his exuberance to see his daughter, he'd forgotten about Bud and Harriet. "I'm sorry, these are Sophie's godparents, Bud and Harriet Roberts." He motioned for the couple to come closer. "This is Sophie," he stroked her soft head.

Harriet became teary, "Oh Harm, she's so small…I had no idea."

"She may be small, but she's a real fighter," explained Bobbie. "You can touch her; she likes gentle strokes and soft words."

Harriet reached out her fingers and took Sophie's little hand. "Harm, she's beautiful…she looks like you." She glanced toward the nurse, "My kids were all born on time; I've never seen a baby this small…how can you take care of them…doesn't it break your heart to see them suffer?"

The nurse smiled back, "Not at all…if I had my wish, all babies would be born healthy…but since they can't, I'm happy to be here to take care of them and their parents. It's very rewarding to see them go home healthy, and even better, when they come back for visits, running around like normal kids."

Harm glanced down at his watch, "We better let Sturgis come for a quick visit…the NICU closes to visitors at 18:30."

He led Bud and Harriet back to the visitors lounge and was surprised to find Chaplain Turner waiting with Sturgis.

"It's OK, Harm. The nurses were just getting Sarah moved back downstairs. I thought I could visit Sophie for a few minutes, while they get her settled in," the Chaplain explained.

Harm took Sturgis and his father for a quick visit to see Sophie; then with a quick kiss to his daughter's forehead, he promised to return later that evening.

xxxxx

18:35

Saturday, May 20th, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Antepartum Unit

Chaplain Turner and Sturgis stuck their heads into Mac's room for a quick 'hello' and promised to visit again the next day. Mac responded back with exhausted thanks, happy to have a break from too many visitors just yet. Bud and Harriet stayed a few minutes longer, before also taking their leave. Harm followed them back into the hall, to retrieve the 'treat' that Harriet had picked up at his request; and with hugs and well wishes, they all promised to visit again tomorrow when Mac and Sophie would be more rested.

Harm wandered back into Mac's room, and settling into the bedside chair, took her hand. "How are you holding up there, Marine? Are you up for an anniversary celebration or do you just want to sleep?"

She yawned and smiled back, "I'm a little sleepy, but I'm tired of sleeping…" she laughed, "…does that make sense? I'm up for a little celebrating if it doesn't get too…rambunctious," she smiled back with a warning glare.

He laughed, "I promise that it won't get too rambunctious," he waggled a brow, "…but I also promise that you will find my plans utterly enjoyable." He leaned forward to kiss her lips. "Let me just check with Sally for a minute," he held up a finger, "…I'll be right back."

She looked up with puzzled excitement, "OK, I'll wait right here."

He returned 10 minutes later with a dinner tray. "Sally said you needed to try and eat a little dinner first." He lifted the domed cover from the plate, "Oh yummy…beef broth and green Jell-O…your favorites."

She wrinkled her nose, "Yuck, you've got to be kidding…can't I get something more substantial for dinner?"

He shook his head, "Dr. Abrahms wants you to take it easy tonight…but they did agree, if you eat this first, you can have the treat that I brought." She picked at the Jell-O cubes. "Come on, Mac…just for tonight. I know this isn't exactly a great anniversary dinner, but I promise to do better next year." He brought a spoonful of Jell-O to her lips, which she begrudgingly accepted. "Good Girl," she glared and he chuckled "…sorry."

Once the dinner tray was empty, he walked to the small room refrigerator to retrieve the promised treat. Walking back, he explained. "I brought you your chocolate ice cream last night but you were too sick to eat it. I had to settle for something a little easier on the tummy tonight," he presented a container of Haagen Dazs Raspberry Sorbet. "I have Godiva Chocolate Raspberry Ice Cream for tomorrow night," he smiled.

Her eyes widened, "I think I'm falling in love with you even more, if that's possible." She patted the bed, "Come share with me, Sailor." They shared bites of sorbet between kisses. "Thanks," she kissed him once again, "…I think this will go down as one of our more memorable anniversaries."

"Oh, we're not finished yet," he grinned and pulled her close.

"Harm…"

Just at that moment, Sally Martin entered the room, "Well Captain, are you ready for the rest of the surprise?" she grinned playfully at the couple.

"Yes, Ma'am," greeted Harm.

"Let me just get rid of this IV drip," the nurse walked toward the bed. Dr. Abrahms wants to keep the IV in place, but we can lose the fluids. I'll just put a cap in the end of the catheter, that way you'll be free to move around a bit easier." After she completed her task, she looked back at her co-conspirator, "I'll be back with your supplies in 10 minute, Captain."

"What supplies…what exactly do you have planned here, Sailor?"

"You'll see," he smirked and got up to grab the remaining gift. Sitting back on the bed, he handed it to Mac, "Why don't you open this while we wait."

She gazed at the beautifully wrapped box and slowly removed the wrapping paper and bow. As she opened the tissue paper, she gasped and ran her fingers over the soft pajamas and robe. "Oh Harm, they're beautiful."

He leaned closer, "Next year I promise something a little more enticing, but this year I want you to be soft and comfortable." He pulled aside the robe to find the slippers and bath products. Pulling out the bottle of lotion, he opened it and extended it toward her. "I thought you'd smell incredible wearing this, but it's not too strong if you're not feeling well."

She sniffed the bottle and her eyes lit up, "That smells wonderful…where did you find all this?"

He smiled in appreciation at her obvious pleasure, "I went to your favorite clothing store. A really nice clerk named…Evelyn, I think…helped me shop. She knew just what I wanted for you…I'll have to keep that in mind next time I go shopping." He waggled an eyebrow, "But next time she won't let me get away with conservative sleepwear…she about lost it when I said I was purchasing pajamas for a first anniversary gift." They both shared a good laugh before being interrupted by Sally.

"I'm glad to see you two are enjoying yourselves…what a change from the drama of last night." She glanced toward Harm as she wheeled in a bedside table with a basin, towels and a blanket, "Do you need any help, Sir."

"No…I think I can take it from here. Thanks, Sally." The nurse nodded and left the room, closing the door behind her.

Mac looked at the table with a puzzled expression, "What are you up too?"

Harm walked over to the door and turned off the lights, only leaving on the light above the bed that shone toward the ceiling. "You, my dear, are about to be pampered." He strode back to the bed and turned the bedside radio to a light classical station. "Lie back sweetheart, I'm just gonna recline the bed flat." She did as requested. He leaned over to kiss her forehead and smiled, "I wanted to use candles, but they don't allow fire in the hospital."

He filled the basin with warm water from the sink and returned to the bed. "OK, first a long luxurious shampoo is in order." He placed towels all around the bed, and then sitting next to her, lifted her head and shoulders over the basin. He used a cup to pour warm water onto her hair and then gently lathered it with shampoo. He leaned over and whispered, "Close your eyes and enjoy," as he massaged her scalp in gentle circles from front to back. He heard a deep contented sigh and smiled, "You still with me, Beautiful?"

Her only response was a lazy, "Uh huh."

"Good," he kissed her closed eyelids. After rinsing, he repeated with conditioner. Ten minutes later, he had her head wrapped in a towel and was preparing to move on to the next step in his pampering regimen. He returned with clean warm water and covered her with a thick bath blanket. Leaning close, he whispered again, "We need to get rid of this hospital issued gown."

"What?" came the relaxed reply.

"No, keep your eyes closed and just feel." He gently washed her skin with the orange and jasmine fragranced bath gel and toweled her dry. He removed the damp towels and settled her into the clean sheets.

"Now, for a relaxing massage." She blinked open one eye in response and sighed in pleasure. He reached for the fragrant lotion and poured a good amount into his large hands, warming it before rubbing it on her sensitive skin. He rubbed down her arms and legs; pausing at her left wrist, he stared at the bruise left by the arterial catheter. He bent down and placed a butterfly-light kiss to the delicate skin.

At the pause in activity, she opened her eyes and stared into his soulful gray depths, "Harm, what's wrong?"

He shook his head, "Nothing, it's just…last night…I, um…the skin at your wrist is bruised." He fingered the bruise with a frown.

"Sweetheart, it's OK…it's just from the IV line." She couldn't understand why he was so troubled.

"I know…it's just that," he sighed, "…last night." He paused to blink back tears, "I was so scared…and I couldn't help but think," he rubbed her wrist again, "…your wrist wasn't made for an IV catheter…it didn't belong there."

"Harm, what do you mean…they needed to put it there to monitor my blood pressure."

He nodded, "I know…it's just that…all I could think about, was that this skin," he leaned over and kissed her inner wrist again, "…it was made for my lips, not an IV."

She tugged on his hand, drawing him down to her. "Sweetheart, I promise I'm OK…I'm not going to leave you," she dried his tears and cupping his cheek, leaned up to kiss him. "I love you."

He smiled back softly, "I know and…I love you, too. Now lay back and let me finish your massage." He continued to rub her sore joints and muscles; Dr. Abrahms had explained that her muscles would hurt from the muscle contractures of the seizure. He moved on to her neck and shoulders and finally paused at her abdomen. He fingered the edge of the surgical dressing. "Sally said that we should take this off…the night nurse needs to evaluate the site and replace the dressing." He paused again and stared into her eyes, "I…I don't want to hurt you."

She touched his hand, "You won't…just go slow."

He nodded and gently pulled back the dressing. He cleansed the skin and then delicately rubbed on some lotion, careful not to get too close to the incision. He laid his hand over the place where Sophia had been and bending over placed a kiss to her stomach, "Thank you," he whispered.

She ran her fingers through his hair soothing his emotions, "Your welcome," was whispered in return.

He carefully helped her dress in the soft new pajamas and then pushed the button for the nurse to come place a new dressing. Once she was settled back into the bed, he climbed in next to her and began to brush through her damp hair, until he heard a contented sigh followed by an exhausted yawn. He pulled her against his chest and placed his lips against her temple, "Happy Anniversary…I love you, Sarah."

"I love you, too. You need to go home, while you're still awake enough to drive," came her sleepy reply.

He smiled against her skin, "I'll leave soon…I just want to hold you for awhile." She nodded and was asleep immediately.

He leaned his head against hers and closed his eyes inhaling the light floral scent of her shampoo. He murmured to himself, "I'll just hold you for a few minutes and then visit Sophie before I go home." He yawned and fell instantly asleep.


	16. Chapter 13a

_**AN: **Ah, Chapter 13…at least it's not Friday. I'll let you decide if it's lucky or unlucky. Did you know that a lot of hospitals don't have a 13th floor and often skip room 13 as well? This is another long chapter and thus is broken into two parts (13a and 13b)…please be sure to read both. Also, I'm headed out of town for a few days and won't be able to post. I'll be back on Sunday and promise to deliver another chapter at that time. Thank you for reading._

**Part 13a of two parts.**

20:50

Saturday, May 20th, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Antepartum Unit

Sound asleep with Mac in his arms, Harm drifted into his magical dreamland once again. The future took shape in the fall of 2008. Mac had returned home from the clinic, Saturday, October 7th, and she and Harm had spent an enjoyable 24 hours reuniting on all levels. They were once again happy and at ease in each other's presence.

They arrived at the Roberts' home, late Sunday afternoon, to retrieve their bundle of energy. Sophie had been sullen and moody the entire weekend until she spied her Mama at the door. Shrieking with joy, she threw herself into Mac's arms and refused to vacate that position until forced into her car seat for the drive home. Even then, she insisted on holding her Mama's hand throughout the ride. She regaled her parents with stories about her weekend adventures.

"Mama, Aun Hawiet taked me to da movie-futer…me see Diznee and eat poop-corn."

Mac giggled, "Poopcorn, uh? What else did my BooBoo Bunny do?"

"Unca Buz dot pumpeekins to darve for Twick-Tweet! Sowie get canny and drezz-up, Mama?"

Mac smiled, "Yeah sweetie, you can dress-up. What do you want to be?"

Sophie rolled her eyes, "Um…me be doggy wike Majjy?"

Harm laughed, "You don't want to be a princess or a bunny?"

"Nooo, Daddeee…me awayz a pincezz an bunny! I wanna be a doggy!"

"Alright sweetie, you can be a doggy," Mac soothed. "Do you want to stop and eat dinner on the way home?"

"Nooo," Sophie scowled, "…me wanna go home wif Mama, nooow!"

"Ok Bunny, we'll go home," Mac stroked her hand. "You sound tired…do you just want to cuddle with Mama?"

"Yeez," she yawned.

Once home, Mac carried a sleepy Sophie into the house and straight to her room. As she began to undress the toddler, she took note of the sticky grimy hands, arms and legs. "Hey Bunny, what did you do to get so dirty today?"

"Pway ouside wif Nicki and Hawey," yawned the little girl. "Me habe owange poopsicle."

"I think you need a bath before you go to bed little one. Would you like to take a bath with Mama?" At Sophie's tired nod, Mac headed to the master bathroom with the toddler in tow. They settled into the warm soapy water, with Sophie lying prone on her mother's chest, to relax and cuddle.

Twenty minutes later, Harm came into the bathroom and smiled at the sight of his wife and daughter. "Hey, did you two drowned in here?" he chuckled. Mac shushed him with a finger to her lips as she pointed to the sleeping child. "Sorry," was whispered back.

"Would you mind taking her and getting her dried off and dressed?" She handed off Sophie to her father.

Sophie immediately began to whimper, "Me wan Mama."

"It's OK Bunny…Daddy's just going to dry you off. Mama will take you back in a minute." Before long everyone was clean and in PJ's, Mac rocked Sophie for a long while before placing her into her crib.

Sophie awoke almost immediately, "No Sowie sweep in Daddee bed," she pointed toward the door.

Mac patted her back trying to calm the crying child, "No Bunny, you have to sleep in your bed."

"NOOoo! Me sweep wif you and Daddee!" Harm stuck his head into the nursery to find out what was going on. The presence of her father only incensed Sophie more. "Daddee, me sweep wif you!"

He looked up sheepishly at Mac, "I kinda let her sleep with me while you were gone. She missed you…I missed you…we kept each other company," he shrugged and picked his daughter up out of the crib. "I didn't think it would be a problem once you got home."

"Harm, now we're gonna have to break her of the habit of sleeping with us."

He smiled back, "How hard could it be? We'll just let her fall asleep with us and then move her back to her crib."

She looked back skeptically, "We'll see…Harriet said it took AJ forever to learn to sleep in his own bed once Bud came home after his accident."

The couple quickly found out how hard it was to break a toddler with the tenacity of a Rabb. Despite multiple attempts to get Sophie back to her own room, she 'pitched a fit', as she told them, with each return to her crib. They finally sought out the assistance of their pediatrician, who recommended 'baby steps' to get Sophie back to her room. They first placed her on the floor in a sleeping bag next to their bed. Each day they moved her closer to the door then to the hall. The final step was successful only after they bought her a new 'Big Girl' bed to sleep in. They celebrated, as only adults can, in early December when they finally had the privacy of their bedroom back to themselves. Both vowed from then on that children and adults belonged in their own beds.

xxxxx

As the Rabb family headed into the 2008 holiday season, they all passed around a 'flu bug' at Thanksgiving time. While Harm and Sophie recovered nicely, Mac continued to have problems with nausea and fatigue well into the beginning of December. At Harm's insistence, she visited her internist when her symptoms failed to resolve.

She arrived home late one December evening, to find Sophie playing in the family room with Maggie. She quietly crept into the kitchen, where Harm was busy cooking dinner, and paused to watch her husband's activity. It took several minutes before he sensed he was being watched and shot her a flyboy grin, "Hey Marine, how was your day? You're kinda late tonight…court must have gone over." When he failed to get a response, he observed her a little closer. She seemed withdrawn, scared even, and he approached her tentatively so as not to startle her. "Mac…sweetheart, are you OK?"

As he took her in his arms, she buried herself into his chest and whispered, "Tighter."

"What…I don't understand. Mac is something wrong."

She ducked her head and again whispered, "Tighter…hold me tighter." He felt the dampness of tears on his shirt and began to pull away to look into her face. She wrapped her arms around him and cried, "No…don't let go…please, don't ever let go."

He hugged her tighter and rubbed his hand up and down her back in a soothing pattern, "Sweetheart, you're scaring me…did something happen today?" She nodded but didn't move out of his embrace. He remembered then that she'd had a doctor's appointment that afternoon, "Mac…did you see the doctor today?" At her nod he continued, "Is something wrong?" She cried harder, "Oh sweetheart, whatever it is we can get through it together." He lifted her face and kissed her forehead, "Now, tell me what's wrong?"

She dipped her head again and mumbled between shuddering breaths, "Preg-na-ant."

"What, I didn't hear you?"

"I said…I'm…pregnant."

"I don't understand…I thought we decided not to have anymore kids. How did this happen?" he asked shocked. She cocked her head to the side with a 'duh' expression. He shook his head, "I mean…I know how it happened…but when…I don't understand?"

She burrowed into his arms further, "It must have happened that first weekend I came home. We've been dealing with Sophie's bed issue ever since."

He shook his head again, "But I thought we decided no more…I mean we didn't discuss you going back on fertility meds…did you just decide…"

"No," she looked up at him with a firm gaze, "…I would never do something like that without your input. It's just that…we weren't trying, but we weren't not trying, either."

He looked puzzled, "What?"

"Harm we weren't using any protection," she pulled away from his embrace and began to pace, "…of course, who knew we needed to…I mean, we never got pregnant before without meds…I didn't even think…"

He grabbed her arm and pulled her back in close, "Hey it's OK…calm down. I'm not blaming you…I didn't think about it either." He kissed the top of her head, "What do we do now?"

"I don't know," she whispered back. They stood and held each other for a long while, until Sophie interrupted them by tugging on Mac's skirt.

"Mama, up," Sophie reached up her arms. As Mac picked her up, she regarded her mother's face, "Mama, why you cwyin? What wong?"

"Nothing's wrong, Bunny," Mac hugged her tight. "Mama just missed you."

Harm pulled the pair into his embrace and whispered into Mac's ear, "We'll talk later." He placed a kiss on her cheek, before pulling back to look at Sophie, "Well Princess, are you hungry? Daddy made pasta."

Sophie bounced in her mama's arms, "Yeah…Ba-sghetti…I hungee." She rubbed her tummy, "Me have ice keem for beessert?"

"Sure Princess," he took his daughter from Mac, "…but first we need to let Mommy change her clothes." He smiled at Mac and motioned with his head for her to go collect herself and get changed into something more comfortable.

The family enjoyed a quiet dinner of spaghetti, topped off with ice cream for dessert. Mac chuckled at the sight of her daughter. Sophie had tomato sauce smeared all over her face, from side-to-side and top-to-bottom, and one lone noodle hung over the top of her nose. "Alright, Miss BooBoo…I think someone needs a bath," was pronounced to Sophie's squeals of delight.

While Mac bathed and settled the princess into bed, Harm cleaned up the dishes from dinner. Once the kitchen was spotless and the teapot put on to boil, he started a roaring fire in the fireplace. He filled two mugs with tea, and returning to the family room, dimmed the lights and waited for Mac to return.

As she approached the couch, he pulled her into his embrace and settled her between his legs. They sat in silence for 20 minutes, just giving and receiving strength from one another. Finally he spoke, "What do we do now, sweetheart?"

She sighed, "I guess I'll call Dr. Abrahms in the morning…I just hope we can get an appointment quickly." She began to tear up again, "I don't know if I can do this again."

"What do mean?" he rubbed his hand over her stomach.

"It's just that," she intertwined their fingers, "…if it were like Sophie again, I think I could handle that. It was tough, with the waiting, worrying, bedrest…then months in the hospital until we knew she was alright…but at least, we got to take a baby home." She paused and wiped away tears, "I just don't know if I can go through a David, again…going through an entire pregnancy, knowing the baby can't survive…won't survive."

He took her hand and placed it against his cheek; kissing her palm, he whispered, "So are you saying, you don't want to keep this baby?"

"No," she turned to look him in the eyes, "…no, I could never do that. I just wish…why can't it be OK…why can't it be easy for us, just this once. Don't we deserve a healthy baby, too?"

He pulled her back against his chest, "I don't know why it can't be easy, but we have another chance here…maybe this time everything will be OK." He placed his hand over her stomach again, "I want this baby too, but this time we have to promise to be there for each other…like we were with Sophie. I don't want us to pull away from each other, like we did with David's pregnancy."

She nodded, "No withdrawing into ourselves…"

"…or into our work," he finished the sentence for her.

She turned her face into his neck, "I don't think we should tell anyone about the baby for a while. I want to find out if things are going to be OK, first."

"I agree…let's see what Dr. Abrahms has to say, but I think we shouldn't say anything until we have to…especially not to Sophie," he kissed her forehead. "I'm not sure how she'll handle things, if she loses another baby brother or sister." He shifted them down onto the couch lying side by side. "Wouldn't it be amazing if everything was perfect." He closed his eyes and sighed, "I would love to have a healthy baby…"

"…boy," she quietly finished.

Harm was awakened a few hours later, by the cool temperature of the room. He noticed that the fire had died out and that Mac was shivering in his arms. "Mac," he gently shook her, "…sweetheart, what time is it?"

She burrowed further into his chest, seeking his warmth, "What…"

"What time is it?"

She squinted her eyes and cleared her throat, "Ah…02:00."

He kissed her forehead, "I think we better go up to bed…come on." He rose from the couch and began to lift her into his arms.

"Harm, I'm too heavy…you'll hurt your back." She looped her arms around him and buried her face his into his neck, even as she said the words.

He chuckled and placed his lips against her cheek, "I can get you to the front hall, but then you'll have to walk. I don't want both of us breaking our necks by falling down the stairs."

They managed to make it to the master bedroom, change into sleepwear and climb into bed with very little effort. They fell asleep in each other's arms, both wistfully dreaming of their new baby.

xxxxx

They sat in Dr. Abrahms office 2 days later. The kindly gray-haired physician smiled at the couple, "Well kids, here we are again." At their amused expressions he grinned, "Sorry, anyone younger than me is a kid these days."

Mac smiled back, "I guess we should be flattered, not to many people consider us kids, anymore."

Harm smiled, "Yes Sir…ah, we would like to discuss our options with this pregnancy. We had decided not to have anymore children after David, but…I guess nature decided otherwise."

The physician nodded, "OK…it looks like your due date is July 3rd…that would put you at about 11 weeks right now. There are several options to consider. First, we'll perform an ultrasound today, to confirm that this is a singleton pregnancy. We can proceed to a CVS, chorionic villous sampling, that will give us the quickest genetic results.

"What does a…chorio…ah, CVS entail," asked Harm.

The doctor explained, "It's a procedure in which we take a sample of the chorion, the outer membrane that surrounds the fetus, to send for chromosome results. That would tell us whether this baby has Trisomy 13."

"What are the risks to the baby?" queried Harm.

"There's a small risk for miscarriage and limb reduction abnormalities." At Harm's questioning look, he continued, "That means the arms and legs can be affected. The risks with CVS are slightly higher than with an amniocentesis."

"NO!" Mac declared.

Harm looked at her, "Sweetheart, what do you mean, no?"

She shook her head, "No CVS and no amniocentesis. I went into preterm labor last time. I'm not taking that chance again."

Dr. Abrahms countered, "Sarah, if we don't do one of those procedures, we won't know for sure whether the baby has a genetic abnormality, until after it's born."

"There must be some other way, because I'm not having the procedure."

"Mac," Harm grabbed her hand, "I can understand why you might not want the CVS, but the amnio with Sophie went fine."

"You can't say that…I had the amnio with Sophie because I was already in preterm labor…I was already on magnesium to control my contractions. I'm not taking the chance, Harm."

"OK," he soothed, kissing her hand, and turned back to the doctor. "What other options do we have?"

Dr. Abrahms sighed, "You're gonna need early genetic results if you want to terminate the pregnancy. There really isn't any other reliable way, without the CVS or amniocentesis, to get those results."

"We don't want to terminate," Mac tightened her hold on Harm's hand. "If we think that this baby is affected then we agree to limit resuscitation, like last time…but we plan to proceed with this pregnancy."

"Are you sure you want to go through that again," asked the doctor.

Harm nodded, "Yes…we've already discussed it, and we want to continue. This is our last chance for a baby and as difficult as the last two pregnancies were…we're willing to take the risk."

The doctor nodded, "OK, since we're not dealing with termination, we have a little more time to figure things out. I still won't be able to tell you 100 that things are fine until the baby's born, but there are some tests that can help discern problems earlier."

Harm and Mac agreed, "Tell us your plan."

"First, we'll check your blood work, for abnormalities, at your next visit. The blood test is called a triple screen, and sometimes it's abnormal with aneuploidy…ah, trisomy, an extra chromosome like David's condition. Of course, with David's pregnancy, your triple screen was normal, so a normal blood test may not be helpful. Next, we'll perform your first ultrasound today…we want to make sure we're dealing with only one baby."

Harm released a terse breath, "Amen to that."

The doctor smiled, "That first ultrasound won't really tell us anything other than if this is a singleton pregnancy. We'll do the next ultrasound at 18 weeks…that should be more helpful in identifying any abnormalities. We found the problems with your last pregnancy during that second ultrasound. We may decide to do follow-up ultrasounds depending on what we see with the second. As I said before, we won't know for sure if the baby is normal until it's born. I recommend a neonatologist be present for the delivery to perform a complete physical exam, and blood work will be drawn at delivery to assess for Trisomy 13 or carrier status. Do either of you have other questions or concerns?"

"No I think you covered everything…do you have any other questions, Mac?" He squeezed their joined hands and looked at his wife.

"No, I think I'm good," she sighed, "…it's just going to be a long waiting game. Ah…Dr. Abrahms, we don't really want anyone to know about the pregnancy for the time being."

The doctor smiled back, "I understand…now, how about we get that ultrasound done."

The couple moved into the procedure room and Mac reclined back onto the table. The technician prepared the machine, "I think you've been through this before?" At their nod, she continued, "OK, Dr. Abrahms wants both an abdominal and vaginal ultrasound today…he wants as accurate dating as possible." As the tech squeezed the warm gel onto her abdomen, Mac grabbed for Harm's hand. They saw the screen come to life with a blizzard of snowy images. The tech pointed to a white comma-shaped image on the screen, "There we go…only one fetus in there." She flicked on the sound switch and the room was filled with a strong audible heartbeat. Mac closed her eyes and Harm leaned over to kiss her forehead. He continued to run his fingers through her hair throughout the rest of the exam.

Once they were finished, Mac dressed and they headed back to the car in silence. Seated in the car, Harm turned to her, "How do you feel?"

"Good," she looked back with a radiant smile.

With a puzzled expression, he asked, "Do you know something I don't?"

"No, not really…but we have one baby…with a strong heart beat. That's a good place to start," she smiled bigger. "I have a good feeling about this baby, and I intend to be optimistic."

He grabbed her hand and gave it squeeze, "That's good enough for me. You want to go to lunch and celebrate?" At her nod, he leaned over and kissed her, "I love you, Sarah."

"I love you, too," was whispered as she deepened the kiss.

xxxxx

As her pregnancy progressed, Mac settled into her condition with silent joy. The nausea and fatigue, that plagued her early on, resolved by Christmas time. Her follow-up visit in mid-January revealed a normal triple screen blood test. She and Harm celebrated in private, each knowing that the result didn't rule out an abnormality, but praying that the normal test was a sign of good things to come.

The couple arrived at Dr. Abrahms' office, in early February, for their second ultrasound. The doctor agreed to be present for the scan, so they would know the results without delay. In the procedure room, Mac shivered in the cool climate, more from nerves than temperature. Harm paced the room, covering its small length in a few long strides before turning for the return trip. After several round trips, Mac encouraged him to sit, "Navy, you're making me more nervous than I already am."

He took the seat beside the exam table and grabbed her hand, "Sorry sweetheart, I just can't seem to sit still. With our first two pregnancies, I looked forward to this day, but this time I can't wait for this to be over." He blew on her hand and briskly rubbed it, "I know this room is a little cool, but your hands are like ice."

She gave him a slight smile, "Nerves more than anything."

He nodded and kissed her forehead, "So have you thought about any names yet?"

She shook her head, "No, I didn't want to think that far ahead…you know, tempt fate?"

He cupped her cheek in his hand and leaned in whispering, "I know…me, too."

At that moment, Dr. Abrahms and the technician entered the room. "Good afternoon, Sarah…Harm," he greeted. "This ultrasound is going to take a little longer to perform; I want to make sure we have a good look at all parts of this little one."

Mac pulled Harm's hand tightly onto her chest, as the tech smeared on the gel. He leaned in close and whispered, "Good luck, Marine…it works for my quals, maybe it'll work here, too."

She looked up at him and smiled, "Good luck, Sailor," and leaned up to give him a quick kiss.

Dr. Abrahms concealed a grin. He really liked this couple and hoped all was normal for their sake. "OK, ready? Let's dim the lights and get started." Harm and Mac studied the screen as images came into view. The doctor described each part as it was visualized, "The fluid around the baby is normal and the weight is perfect. The brain and spine appear normal. The chest looks good…heart and lungs are normal."

Harm grinned at her and whispered, "That's one." She understood he meant the heart, since it was one of the most common abnormalities in Trisomy 13.

Dr. Abrahms continued, "The liver, spleen, kidneys and intestine look good." He moved on to the extremities, "Arms and legs are normal…ten fingers and toes…perfect, no rocker bottom feet or clenched overlapping fingers. Look at that," he pointed to the position of the hands, "…the baby looks like it's praying."

Mac turned toward Harm, as a tear escaped her eye and slid down her temple. Harm placed his lips against her skin to dry the teardrop, "Are you OK?" He ran a finger over her opposite cheek. She nodded, and made a mental note to herself, to tell him about her conversation with Dr. McCool.

Dr. Abrahms looked on, "Is everything all right…still with me?"

Harm nodded, "Yes Sir…just a little emotional is all."

"Alright…now, let's look at the face…normal eyes and nose…mouth looks good, no clefts in the lip or palate."

As the baby turned in profile, Mac gasped…he was perfect and beautiful…the phrase, a gift from God flashed through her mind. She looked at Harm, "He's beautiful."

He raised a brow, "He…did I miss something?"

Dr. Abrahms laughed, "Not unless I missed it too…that's where we're headed next." He moved the wand around and got a perfect wide leg shot, pointing at the screen, "Well, he's definitely a boy…showing off for the camera, girls are usually more shy."

Mac looked up wide-eyed, "He's got a little tail," she grinned.

"Maaac," Harm blushed, turning toward the amused doctor and technician, "…private joke, compliments of Sophie."

Dr. Abrahms laughed, "That's a new one. Well kids, everything looks normal. Like I said before, we can't be absolutely sure…but I don't see any features of Trisomy 13 in this little guy."

"Thank you," Harm replied with a crack to his voice.

The doctor nodded, "Congratulations, so far…I'll see you both in a month."

The technician moved away the equipment, "You can get cleaned up and dressed now Colonel Rabb."

Once they were alone in the room, Mac began to cry. Harm pulled her into his arms, confused at her tears, "Sweetheart, Dr. Abrahms said everything was OK…why are you crying?"

It took her several minutes to regain control again. Still wiping away tears, she replied, "I'm just relieved…happy…in awe." She took a deep breath, "Do you remember my car accident, in December, just before we got together." At his nod, she continued, "Well I was having flashbacks…remembrances of an appointment I had with Dr. McCool. We talked about a lot of things." She smiled, "A lot about you actually…she made me finally see…no admit, that you were who I wanted all along." She leaned forward to place on kiss on his lips, "Thank you again, for waiting for me."

"Your welcome…and we both played a role in our delays," he grinned, "…and stupidity."

"Anyway," she laughed back, "…during that visit, we discussed my infertility. I told her about an ultrasound picture of Harriet's twins…the babies were positioned in a way that looked like they were praying. I told her, it wasn't enough to be a mother…I needed to create a life…carry a child." She drew a deep breath and released it, as tears again began to fall. "Today, when I saw his hands…clasped in prayer. That conversation flashed back…it's like it was a sign…he's an incredible gift from God." She bit her bottom lip, "Do you understand…or do you think I've lost my mind?"

He pulled her closer and dried her tears, "I understand perfectly and couldn't agree more." He placed a hand over her growing abdomen, "This baby came when we gave up…he is a gift from God." He kissed her again, "Now get dressed, so we can get out of here and go pick up our other miracle. It's about time she found out about her new baby brother."

xxxxx

Continued in Part 13b


	17. Chapter 13b

**Part 13b of two parts—(PLEASE NOTE: Read Part 13a first)**

By early March, encouraged by the normal ultrasound and her burgeoning waistline, Harm and Mac decided it was finally time to share their news. Their friends were overjoyed and supportive. However, Harriet drew the line at joining in on the pregnancy bandwagon…five was enough for her. The Roberts reasoned that it was someone else's responsibility to produce a playmate for the newest Rabb addition.

Two weeks later, Harm was summoned into General Cresswell's office. He stood at attention, "Captain Rabb reporting as ordered, Sir."

"At ease, Captain," the General gestured, "…have a seat." As Harm settled into one of the chairs in front of the General's desk, he continued, "Captain…Harm, I have some news. I've just received new orders for you."

"Sir?" Harm looked on with a questioning gaze.

"Seems those above have plans for you," the General handed over the paperwork. "You've been chosen to fill the Command position of Force Judge Advocate, Naval Forces Europe. You're to be transferred within the week."

Harm was stunned, "I'm sorry, Sir…did you say within the week?"

"Yes, Harm…this is a great step for you…it puts you in line to become the JAG one day."

Harm sighed, "I understand that, Sir…but…why so quickly?"

The General peered over his glasses, "Well, Captain…the current CO needs to leave command immediately for family reasons. The Navy wants someone to fill the billet, and the SecNav has recommended you. Is there a problem?"

Harm tried to keep from fidgeting, "Perhaps, Sir. If I could delay the move for 5 months, I would love to take the position."

The General looked on with a stern expression, "Captain, do I need to remind you that you're in the military and not the private sector…you don't get to chose the timetable when you're reassigned."

"I understand, Sir…however, if I'm required to move immediately," Harm sighed, "…I'm afraid, I'll have to turn down the Command in London."

The General barked back, "Turn down…you do know this is potential career suicide? There is no guarantee; you'll be offered this kind of position, again. You may well be closing the door on your chances to be the JAG, one day."

"I understand, Sir…but I'm afraid that my answer remains the same."

The General relaxed back into his chair, "Let's speak off the record for a moment. What's this all about, Harm?"

Harm looked at his hands, "My family, Sir. Colonel Rabb…Mac, is going through a high-risk pregnancy. We didn't expect to get the chance to have another child, but here we are…so far things look promising, but there is a very real possibility that things can go wrong. We trust Mac's doctor, and we know the medical facilities and care are the best here, in D.C. I can't risk Mac's or the baby's life for a chance at career advancement." Harm looked back at the General, "Sir, I waited too long to get the chance to have a family…I almost blew it. They are the most important things in the world to me, and I won't risk them for my career. I'm sorry, Sir."

The General nodded, "Off the record, I understand…but as JAG, I can't delay filling the billet. I guess that means, Captain Mattoni will be moving to London."

Harm stood, "I understand, General. Thank you again for considering me for the position."

Harm left the General's office disappointed, but knew that he made the correct decision for his family. That evening, he shared the news with Mac, after they'd gotten Sophie into bed. "I had an interesting conversation with General Cresswell today."

She walked over to sit next to him on the couch, "Oh yeah, what about?"

He slid down, pulled his legs up on the couch and laid his head in her lap. "He offered me a new command position."

Her eyes lit up, "Really…that's great, Sailor." She leaned over to give him a congratulatory kiss.

He picked up her hand and began to twist her wedding ring, "I, ah…turned him down."

"What?" she looked stunned, "Harm, why would you do that?"

He smiled and touched her cheek, "For you…and Sophie…and this one." He turned his head to kiss her rounded stomach.

"But Harm, we wouldn't want you to give up the chance at command…this could mean a lot for your career."

"I know that, but the orders were to Naval Forces Europe…we'd be stationed in London. I didn't think this was the right time for that kind of move."

She turned her face away, "But if…"

He placed a hand on her cheek and turned her back, "Mac, can you honestly tell me that you would want to move to London, right now? You would be willing to move away from Dr. Abrahms and Bethesda at this point in your pregnancy?"

Her eyes teared up, "It wouldn't be ideal…I mean we really trust the medical care here, and I wouldn't want to jeopardize this pregnancy…but if it was something you really wanted to do, I'd make the sacrifice for you."

He smiled, "And that's exactly why I told Cresswell, no. Mac, my family is much more important to me than my career. It took too long to get here…they could take my career away tomorrow; I wouldn't care, as long as I had you and the kids." She ran her fingers through his hair and just stared into his eyes. After several minutes, he shrugged self-consciously, "What?"

She smiled, "Just thinking about how lucky I am. I remember a time about 10 years ago, when your career…flying to be exact…was the most important thing in your life. You've changed…matured…we both have. Thank you for putting us first, for making sacrifices for us." She cocked her head to the side, "You know," she grinned mischievously, "…you're kinda handsome for an old sailor."

He placed a hand over his chest in mock insult, "OLD? Who are you calling old, Marine?"

She laughed, "That's the adjective you picked up on?" She winked, "OK, how about sexy?"

He grinned, "That I can handle…tell me how?"

She leaned in close, "I'd rather show you."

He placed a hand behind her head and pulled her down to him. Placing his lips against hers, he whispered into her mouth, "Yes. Ma'am."

xxxxx

By early April, Mac's pregnancy had progressed without difficulty. She and Harm were at Dr. Abrahms' office for her monthly check-up. The doctor had just finished with his exam, "Sarah, I'd like to repeat an ultrasound today."

She looked up surprised, "Why, is something wrong?"

"Nothing to be really concerned about, but I'd like to make sure the baby is growing normally. The nurse will be in momentarily to take you to the procedure room. I'll meet with you again, once the technician is finished with the scan."

As the doctor left the room, Mac stared at her husband with concern. "I haven't noticed any problems; I wonder what he's worried about?"

Harm took her hand, "Look, Dr. Abrahms said there was nothing of concern…maybe this is just a follow up ultrasound."

They both nervously waited through the scan, through the clean-up and dressing procedure and eventually in the physician's office, to discuss the ultrasound findings.

Dr. Abrahms entered the office with a smile, "Relax you two, the ultrasound looks perfect. The baby's growth and fluid levels are normal. I just wanted to make sure…your blood pressure was a little higher this visit." At the couples alarmed expression, he continued, "It's OK, really. Sarah, your blood pressure is usually low; today it was in the normal range…which is a little elevated for you. Now, it was probably just the excitement of the doctor's appointment, but I'd like to start seeing you every 2 weeks just to be cautious."

Mac nodded, "OK, but you don't think we need to be worried. I mean; this isn't going to be like Sophie again, is it?"

Dr. Abrahms smiled, "I don't think so, but I just want to follow you a little more closely. I suggest you take it easy…put your feet up…relax, when you get a chance."

Mac remained apprehensive, "Are you suggesting I go on limited duty again?"

The doctor shook his head, "I don't think that's necessary. Just continue with normal work hours and when you get home take it easy."

Mac laughed, "Sir, I have an almost 3 year old toddler…taking it easy, is rarely in the equation."

Harm interrupted, "Mac, it's not a problem…I'll take care of Sophie and the house. Your feet go up once you get home, Marine…that's an order."

"Harm…"

The doctor laughed, "Alright, you two…I'll let you work out the logistics. I'll see you in 2 weeks."

xxxxx

One week later, Mac and Sophie arrived home first. As Mac was starting dinner, she heard a knock at the front door. She opened it to find AJ on the other side. "Admiral…I mean, AJ…what a nice surprise. Would you like to stay for dinner?"

AJ smiled, "Actually, I'm here to make dinner. You've been ordered to put your feet up."

Mac looked back with puzzled amusement, "What's this about?"

AJ turned her around and pointed toward the family room, "To the couch, Colonel…feet up, that's an order." He chuckled, "Harm called…he's tied up in Norfolk and doesn't expect to be home for a few hours. I've been instructed to fix dinner and entertain my granddaughter. Where is Sophie, anyways?"

Mac shook her head, "Harm and I are gonna have a discussion. This really isn't necessary, AJ. If you want to visit with Sophie, while I finish dinner…you're welcome to join us."

AJ gave her his best Admiral JAG stare, "Couch, Colonel…and that's an order."

Mac acquiesced while AJ disappeared upstairs to find Sophie. He found the little girl and Maggie, in her bedroom, playing quietly. He stuck his head around the corner, "Hey munchkin…how's my girl."

Sophie squealed with delight and threw herself into his arms, "Papa AJ!" She grabbed his face and gave him a big wet kiss.

"Wow, that's some greeting. Do you want to help me make dinner?" At her vigorous nod, he laughed and hoisted her onto his shoulders. "Alright, Petty Officer Rabb…Attention! You are assigned to KP duty tonight…do I make myself clear?"

Sophie sat tall on his shoulders and saluted before releasing a giggle, "Yes Sir, Amiral Sir."

AJ laughed, "Sophie, we just might make a sailor out of you yet."

Sophie shook her head, "No Papa AJ, I A MAWINE!"

AJ sighed and shook his head, "Heaven help us, not another one."

Dinner was uneventful and Harm arrived home at 20:30 to hear squeals coming from the family room. "Stop…Papa…AJ" was uttered between fits of laughter. Harm paused at the doorway to the room and laughed at the sight. AJ was on the floor with Sophie and Maggie. He was blowing raspberries on her belly to her squeals of delight, while Maggie pulled at his pant leg trying to rescue her little master.

"What's going on in here?"

"Daddee, hewp…me!" was uttered between laughter.

Harm chuckled, "Sorry Princess…the Admiral outranks me."

"Nooo! You da Daddee…you in chawge," was squealed.

Harm swept in and lifted his daughter high in the air then covered her in kisses. "Sorry Sir, this may be the only time I outrank you. Sophie's the boss, after all." Sophie snuggled into her father's embrace and yawned. "I think someone's about ready for bed." He kissed her cheek, "Let's get you into PJs, Princess…tell AJ, goodnight."

Sophie looked up with droopy eyes, "Nigh nigh, Papa AJ. I wuv you."

AJ leaned over to give her a kiss, "Goodnight, Sweetie…sleep tight."

Thirty minutes later, Harm reappeared downstairs, "Where's AJ?"

Mac motioned him over to the couch and leaned forward, "He left a few minutes ago. We need to talk, Sailor."

Harm slid in behind her, "What'd I do now?" He nuzzled her neck, "Mmm, you smell good."

She swatted at him, "Stop it…that's not going to get you out of the dog house." He groaned and leaned back. "Alright, Sailor…what's with you calling AJ tonight?"

"Mac, Dr. Abrahms said you needed to take it easy. I knew I would be late, so I called in back-up."

"Harm, I can handle one night with Sophie, by myself."

"I know you can handle it…but I don't wanna take any chances. You still have 10 weeks to go with this pregnancy. I don't want to have to worry about high blood pressure, growth restriction or preterm labor. Letting others help is a small price to pay for a healthy baby." He ran his hands over her stomach. "Humor me on this, OK?"

"I guess," she sighed and leaned back into his embrace.

"Besides," he whispered into her ear and smiled when she shivered, "…my parents are coming to stay with you next month."

"What?" she started to pull forward again.

He held on tightly, "I have to go to London for a week. Mom and Frank volunteered to come help out. They were coming for Sophie's birthday anyways…this way, they'll just come a week early." He smiled, "You know, given the chance, Gummy and Papa Frank wouldn't miss an opportunity to spoil the princess."

"Haaarm…." He slipped a hand under her top and massaged her abdomen, while he began to kiss her neck. She moaned, "You're…not…playing…fair."

"All's fair…in love…and war," was whispered as he moved his lips to hers.

xxxxx

The end of May 2009, everyone celebrated Sophie's 3rd birthday in grand style. Since this was to be Sophie's last birthday as an only child, Harm and Mac decided to make a 'big deal' of her special day.

No one had yet dared to buy anything for the new baby. There was no decorating of the nursery, no little boy clothes purchased and no baby names discussed. Everyone was afraid to tempt fate this time.

At Mac's 34-week prenatal visit, Dr. Abrahms pronounced everyone to be in good health. A follow up ultrasound was normal and Mac's blood pressure had returned to 'her' normal range. Dr. Abrahms removed all the previous activity restrictions and told her to use common sense. Harm scoffed at the idea of 'common sense', but agreed to let her off the couch, as long as she didn't 'over do it.'

The morning following her doctor's appointment, Mac awoke and declared 'it was time to get ready for the new baby.' Harm looked at her with shock, "Mac, I thought we didn't want to tempt fate?"

She smiled reassuringly, "Everything's gonna be fine, Harm. We only have 6 weeks to get prepared!"

"Ah Mac, do you know something I don't know?"

She smiled radiantly and patted his chest, "Yep…trust me on this."

He gave her a weary look, "Did you have a vision or something?"

She grinned, "Or something…let's go shopping."

Harm shrugged, "OK, that's good enough for me.

They spent the day shopping for 'boy things.' Harm refused to use any of the frilly things from Sophie, for his son. So they purchased blue sleepers, clothes, diapers, stroller, car seat and boy toys. Harm insisted on buying a ship, cars and a fighter jet. Mac tried to reason that the baby would be too small for all those things for quite some time. Harm didn't care; he was having fun. They collected Sophie from the Roberts' house, grabbed dinner on the way home and collapsed into bed exhausted.

As they cuddled in bed, Mac asked, "Harm, can we start on the nursery tomorrow?"

He shrugged, "Sure…I don't see why not. Do you have an idea of what you'd like to do?"

She nodded, "I have it all planned."

He rubbed a hand along the bare skin of her back, "Care to clue me in? Am I involved in this project?"

She looked up with a smile, "Of course, you're the muscle."

He rolled his eyes, "OK, where do we start?"

She bit her lip, "Ah…by bringing David's furniture down from the attic."

He looked shocked, "What? You want to use David's furniture for the new baby?" She nodded back with pleading eyes. "Are you sure…I don't want any sad memories transferred to the new baby."

She looked away and whispered, "David said it would be all right."

He pulled her face back to him, "What did you say?"

She cleared her voice, "My dream last night…it was David. He told me everything would be fine with the new baby…and he wants us to remember him in a good way. Harm, I want to use the furniture. I'm not sad when I think about David anymore. I want to remember him as a good part of our family…I don't want to just forget him."

He stroked her cheek, "OK, if that's what you want, that's what we'll do." He grew quiet for several minutes, before asking, "Mac, what does he look like…David, I mean?"

She smiled, "I'm not sure I remember details clearly. He's happy and normal…perfect, absolutely perfect."

Harm sighed in contentment, "Good."

xxxxx

They spent the next several weeks decorating the nursery. They decided to use the front bedroom, again. Harm put down a warm colored hardwood floor. He reasoned, they could use area rugs as needed, but toy cars ran better on a hard surface than carpeting. He painted the walls a warm cream color in preparation for the murals that Mac had planned. They argued over the theme for the little boy's nursery. Harm had wanted planes and ships, but Mac argued for a fairytale retreat. She reasoned, they could always change the theme, as he grew older; but when he was little, she just wanted him to have a place of magic to escape and dream. Harm finally relented, with the understanding, that the room could be changed to a theme of their son's choosing at a later date.

Harm stained the furniture a rich deep blue as per Mac's request. The stars and moons, on the spindles, were painted a yellow to contrast with the rich color. Mac closed herself into the room to paint the murals on all four walls. She refused to let Harm see the paintings until they were completed. He spent the next 4 weeks anxiously questioning, "Are they done yet…when can I see?"

Finally in late June, Mac pronounced the project complete and planned a special dinner date for the unveiling. Harriet had volunteered to keep Sophie for the night, so Harm and Mac could enjoy one last night alone before they became a family of four. Bradley Michaelson and Bud had moved the furniture into the room and helped with any last minute heavy work details.

Mac met Harm at the door and led him by the hand to their son's nursery. As she opened the door, he gasped in awed astonishment. The room was a perfect little boy's fairytale. On one wall was painted a large scroll with a poem delicately lettered onto its parchment-shaded surface. He looked at her amazed, "Where did you find the poem…I've never seen it before…it's perfect."

She beamed, "I wrote it for the baby."

His eyes grew wide, "Really?" He softly recited the words aloud.

_Nestled in my Mother's arms in the time 'tween eve and dawn. I sail with the sandman off to sleep upon the ship of Nod._

_As we enter the kingdom of nursery rhymes, my best friend Teddy and me. We dream of adventures on the sea in this land of make believe._

_As we dance among the stars at night, I dream of all I can be. I captain a ship. I slay a beast. I save a princess, all before tea._

_As we sail thru the throngs of make believe land, Mother Goose doth implore us to lend her a hand. We twirl in the moonlight a trio of three, while making up lyrics 'bout piggies and me._

_As we kick up the stardust with our fanciful tunes, I look to the heavens where cows jump over moons. I then sit to porridge with Little Boy Blue, just as the bowls run away with our spoons._

_And then as we're about to fly with blackbirds from a sixpence pie, my Daddy comes to bid me 'hi', as wee folks paint the morning sky. And as we emerge from across the sea, we bid farewell to our dreamship, my Teddy and me._

He looked around the room at the painted images. There was a little boy guiding a large wooden ship with sails, before a brightly smiling moon. As he turned the corner, he found a little boy asleep in a bed clutching a softly worn teddy bear; above him, his dreams of the cows jumping the moon and spoons and bowls on the run. On yet another corner of the wall, she'd painted an intricate grandfather style clock with mice running up its face. He smiled when he saw the painting of the little boy and princess enjoying tea at a properly set table; while at their feet, a small mouse swam through the pool of a teacup. There was a picture of the same little boy and his teddy flying on the back of Mother Goose, with a smile of pure joy reflected at the activity of flight. He turned to the last wall, to find a magical elf with a large paintbrush, painting a beautiful sunrise over the smiling face of a father waking his son from his dreams. He sighed when he recognized the face of the father, as his own.

As he looked at the remainder of the décor, he found a short window topper in a light blue and yellow stripe. The bed was adorned in a similar stripe along with a nursery rhyme fabric. In the corner of the bed was a teddy bear with soft curly fur. Hanging out from the wall, over the dresser, was a large half moon with another teddy bear suspended from its tip.

He turned back toward Mac, with tears in his eyes, "Sarah, this is absolutely incredible…I never imagined." He wiped at his tears and took a deep breath, "It's perfect…you included sailing and flying…all the things I wanted, but in a magical little boy wonderland."

She reached up to stroke his cheek, "I'm glad you like it…I enjoyed every minute of creating this room. I'd hoped you wouldn't be disappointed without the Navy theme, but I just wanted him to be a little boy for awhile."

He shook his head, "No, no…this is so much better. I couldn't imagine it any more perfect." He pulled her into his embrace and kissed her deeply. He pulled back with a smile, "Now how about I feed my pregnant wife."

They enjoyed a slow intimate candle lit dinner. Harm then led her into a family room illuminated only by candles and the soft glow of the fireplace. They danced around the room to the sound of soft jazz, before retiring to their bedroom to fall asleep in each other's arms. As they were just about to drift of, he gently ran his fingers through her hair, "Sarah, have you thought about names for the baby?"

She stretched in his embrace then nuzzled her face into his neck. "Uh huh,' she sleepily replied.

He chuckled, "Are you still with me, Marine?"

She kissed the skin at the base of his neck, "Yeah, just barely."

"I asked, if you had any thoughts about a name for the baby?"

"Yeah, but I want to see him before I say."

He grinned, "You don't plan on sharing with me?"

"Not yet," she whispered, "…I want to decide after he's born. We can both have a list of our favorites and decide then." She paused, "I just don't want to say yet." She looked into his eyes, "Is that OK?"

He kissed her forehead, "Yeah, I can live with that…go to sleep, sweetheart."

xxxxx

By her due date on July 3rd, Mac had enough of being pregnant. The July heat was uncomfortable and she felt like a beached whale. Dr. Abrahms had promised to induce her delivery, if she didn't go into labor in the next few days. She was grumpy and short at breakfast that morning. She sipped from a large glass of cold orange juice and glared at her husband. "This is all your fault, you know."

"Excuse me?" he grinned. He knew not to argue with her when she was in this kind of mood.

"I said, this is all your fault," she huffed back.

"What THIS, are we taking about?" he pushed an omelet onto her plate. "Are we talking the weather…the day…your pregnancy," he grinned again, "…because I will take credit for that particular malady."

"Harm…" she scowled back.

He laughed, "I'm sorry the baby won't come, but I can't see where that's my fault."

"Yes it is!"

He stepped back, "You'll have to explain; because last I looked, the baby and I weren't conspiring against you."

She looked up with eyebrows raised, "My looks…your brains. He clearly has your sense of timing…or should I say tardiness."

He laughed, "Mac, in the first place, he's not late…he's due today. In the second place, I hardly think my timing, or lack there of, is hereditary."

"Oh yeah, then how do explain Sophie?"

"Excuse me…I'm not following this line of reasoning?"

She sighed again, "Your looks…my brains. She came early and has had my sense of timing ever since…right down to telling time without a watch."

He shook his head and pointed at her plate, "Eat your breakfast before it gets cold." He walked around the table and kneeled before her. She regarded him with question, as he placed a hand on her large belly. He bent in close and began to talk, "Look son, we need to talk. Your mother's going to kill me, if you don't come soon. So if you don't want to be an orphan, I suggest you make an appearance today or I won't be responsible for what happens."

Mac giggled and ran her fingers through his hair, "I'm sorry, I'm being so unreasonable. I just never thought with my history of preterm labor that we'd still be here now."

He looked up from his position on the floor and smiled, "That's OK, just tell me what to do to keep you comfortable and happy." He stood up and kissed her soundly. She was dazed as he pulled away. He mumbled softly, "Maybe that will keep you distracted for a few minutes."

They all managed to survive the day without killing one another. They'd retired to bed early, but Mac had difficulty getting comfortable in any position. She tossed and turned, bumping into him with each position change. He finally rolled over and sighed in exasperation, "Should I go sleep in the other room?"

"No," she sighed, "…I'm sorry, but I just can't get comfortable."

"Are you all right…you're not having contractions are you?"

"No…it's just…I can't breath on my back and I'm uncomfortable on my side," she shifted again. He got up and walked around the bed. "Harm," she exclaimed, "…I said I didn't want you to leave."

He raised an index finger, "Just a minute, I have an idea." He headed into the bathroom and returned with a bottle of her favorite lotion. She still loved the subtle jasmine and orange fragrance, and it usually relaxed her. He held up the bottle, "How about a massage…it usually helps you relax."

She rolled onto her side and smiled, "That's a great idea." She looked into his eyes, "Thanks for putting up with me today…I know I've been less than pleasant."

He motioned for her to scoot over and sat on the side of the bed. He poured a generous amount of lotion into his hand and began to massage her legs. Squeezing her foot, he replied, "It's OK, I know you're miserable…I love you, anyways." Before he could finish the massage, she was sound asleep. He climbed back into bed and placed a kiss gentle kiss on her cheek, "Goodnight, sweetheart."

The next time he was awakened was at 02:00. Mac was standing bedside the bed, fully dressed. "Harm, wake up…we need to go to the hospital."

"What?"

"Get up…I've already called Harriet; we can drop Sophie off on the way to Bethesda. You need to call Dr. Abrahms." She walked out of the room to get Sophie.

He sat up and shook his head, "Mac…where'd you go?"

"Sophie's room…come on, we need to go."

xxxxx

Once they arrived at Bethesda, Mac had a rapid progression of labor. Their son was delivered at 07:35 and christened absolutely, perfectly normal by Dr. Williams, the neonatologist. They'd been pleasantly surprised to find Sophie's NICU doctor on call again. Once the baby was examined, cleaned and dried, he was handed to his parents for closer inspection. They counted ten fingers and ten toes. They examined his arms and legs, and stroked his beautiful face.

Mac looked up with tears in her eyes, "He's perfect." She kissed his forehead and stroked his soft brown hair.

Harm sat on the bed and pulled them both close, "I kept my promise…your looks…my brains. He looks like you, Marine." He kissed first the baby then Mac. "So, what are we gonna name him?"

She stoked the baby's soft cheek and smiled when he turned his face and opened his mouth. "His name is Samuel Matthew Rabb."

Harm considered her choice for a moment, "I like it…he looks like a Samuel. I take it the Matthew is for your Uncle Matt, but how did you pick Samuel?"

She picked up Sammy's little hand, "I didn't pick Matthew for my Uncle…that was just an added bonus. I picked his name because Samuel means 'God has heard' and Matthew means 'Gift from God.' I think that describes him perfectly. God heard us even though we'd given up…and blessed us with the gift of our son."

He looked back at her with tears running down his cheeks, "Oh Sarah…I can't think of a more appropriate name. He is the best gift, we never thought we'd get."

At that moment, Samuel Matthew Rabb made his presence known with loud vocalizations. Harm stroked his cheek and the baby opened his mouth and grabbed on to his father's large finger, sucking vigorously. Harm laughed, "I think he's hungry, Marine…this is your department." He withdrew his finger, much to his son's protests, and helped Mac untie and lower her gown.

She guided the baby to her breast and he latched on without difficulty, feeding contentedly. She looked up at Harm with eyes wide in amazement and shock. "He's nursing…Harm, he's nursing," she said excitedly. She grimaced back, "Wow…he has a strong suck."

Harm placed his lips against her temple and grinned, "I think this one's gonna prefer the breast to the bottle…but then he is my son." He pulled back and stroked the small head, "Mac, you…we finally got our dream…a normal pregnancy…a normal delivery…a normal baby." He leaned in to place a kiss on her lips, "Thank you…I love you."

She kissed him back, "Thank you and I love you, too."

Samuel Matthew Rabb for his part went to breast and camped there happily for the next 24 hours…he was a Rabb man, after all. Who, but the son of Harmon Rabb, Jr., would hold out to be born on the Fourth of July.

xxxxx

21:30

Saturday, May 20th, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Antepartum Unit

Harm pulled Mac closer into his embrace and kissed her head. He muttered in his sleep, "That's my son."

Mac stirred and blinked in the dim light of the hospital room. She burrowed closer into his arms and mumbled, "Harm you need to go home…it's late; you won't be able to drive."

He muttered back, "Will go soon…go back to sleep…Samuel will be up soon."

_**AN:** As an aside, the poem and the description of the paintings in Sammy's nursery are an almost perfect description of the waiting room in one of the NICUs that I cover. I wrote the poem and then painted the scenes depicted in the poem on the waiting room walls; minus Harm's face of course, LOL. The waiting room of an ICU can be a scary and unsettling place. I wanted our families to have a feeling of 'home', comfort and hope, while they tensely wait and pray for their little ones to survive and come home for real._


	18. Chapter 14a

_**AN:** I'm finally back in town and should be able to post nightly to the conclusion. After tonight's chapter, there are 6 more parts to this tale. This is another long chapter and thus is broken into two parts (14a and 14b)…please be sure to read both. As always, thank you for reading._

**Part 14a of two parts**

21:30

Saturday, May 20th, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Antepartum Unit

Mac looked up puzzled, "Harm, who's Samuel?"

Harm sighed in a state of semi-wakefulness, "Our son, Mac…go back to sleep."

Mac chuckled, "You're dreaming again, Flyboy…aren't you?"

"Mmmm," was his only reply.

She snuggled back into his embrace, "Sweet dreams, Sailor."

He grunted in response and succumbed to his dreams once again.

xxxxx

The following day, Harm brought Sophie to the hospital to meet her new baby brother. She examined him from head to toe, counting his fingers, touching his face. She even giggled when she discovered his 'tail.' As it was getting closer to her naptime, Sophie climbed into her mama's lap and snuggled in close. Harm volunteered to take her back to Harriet's, but Sophie pitched a fit at the idea of leaving her mama. Mac suggested they let her nap there, just as Sam woke up to be fed.

Harm picked up his son and walked to the bed to switch kids with his wife. As he handed off the baby and reached for Sophie, she protested her displacement from Mac's lap. "No…I wan Mama."

Harm lifted her into his arms, "Come on, princess…Mommy needs to feed the baby."

Sophie perked up at that statement, "I feed da baby."

Harm chuckled, "Sorry, sweetie…that's something only Mommy can do."

Sophie watched with big eyes as Sam began to nurse, "What he do'in?"

Mac smiled at her daughter, "He's eating."

Sophie pondered that idea with a scowl, "But where da bottle?"

Harm sat down on the bed with Sophie still in his arms, so she could see. "Well Princess…some babies eat from a bottle…and some babies eat from their Mommy."

Sophie leaned closer to watch, "Did I eat wike dat?"

Mac reached up and brushed the curls off Sophie's face, "Kind of but not really." When Sophie looked up in question, she continued, "Remember when Daddy and I told you about the hospital…we showed you the pictures from when you were sick. At first you could only eat from a tube in your tummy. When you got bigger and stronger, you didn't want to eat from Mommy…so I gave you my milk in a bottle."

Sophie touched the baby's foot, "How come he don'n eat from da bottle?"

"Because this is better," explained Mac.

Sophie pinched the baby's foot in response. When the baby pulled back and began to cry, Sophie pronounced, "He awe done…Daddee take da baby now!"

Harm pulled her back into his arms and stood up from the bed, "Sophie, no no…that wasn't nice."

Mac placed Sam up on her shoulder and rubbed his back to soothe him. "There, there, Bunny…Mama has you…it's OK." Once Sam had calmed down, she settled him back to nurse on the other side.

Sophie crossed her arms and pouted, "He not your Bunny…Sowie's your Bunny."

Mac looked up as understanding dawned, "You're right, sweetie…you're my only BooBoo Bunny…Mama made a mistake." She reached for Sophie's hand, "What do you think we should call the baby?"

Sophie wiggled out of her father's grasp and climbed back on the bed. She picked up the teddy bear, that she and daddy had brought from home, and placed it by the baby. "Dere," she smiled, "…the baby is Sammy Bear."

Mac pulled Sophie close to her side and kissed her hair, "I think that's a great name, Bunny. The baby will be Sammy Bear." At the comfort of her mama's side, Sophie placed her thumb in her mouth and nodded off to sleep.

Harm looked on with smile, "Good work, Marine…first bout of sibling rivalry averted."

xxxxx

Mac and Sammy stayed in the hospital for a couple of extra days, so he could sunbathe under bilirubin lights for jaundice. By the time of discharge, the preliminary genetics results were back and normal. The pediatrician pronounced Sam healthy and ready for discharge with the caveat that he be seen in the office in 2 weeks.

The Rabbs settled into a routine once everyone was home. Harm tried to entertain Sophie, as much as possible, to head off further jealous reactions. Despite her daddy's attention, Sophie was still not thrilled with the new little interloper. She insisted on her mama's attention during feeding times and reverted back to more infantile behaviors.

One week after Sammy's delivery, Harriet had arranged a small baby shower to celebrate the newest addition. Mac left both kids in Harm's care, while she escaped for a brief respite to the Roberts' home. The shower was interrupted an hour later, when Harm arrived with two screaming misfits in tow, announcing that the baby needed to be fed. At Mac's incensed expression, he explained that Sophie had discovered the bottle of breast milk that Mac had left, and drank it before he could stop her. While Mac nursed the baby, Sophie thrived on all the attention bestowed upon her by the party attendees.

xxxxx

Two days later, Sophie insisted that she needed to be fed like the baby. At Mac's insistence that she was a 'big girl', Sophie ran to her father in tears.

While Harm changed the baby in the nursery, Sophie came in to watch. She wrinkled her nose and announced, "I don'n wike him…he smells bad."

Harm chuckled, "Yeah he does, but that's why Daddy's changing him."

Sophie glared back, "I don'n wan him…take him back to da hostibital."

Harm picked up the baby and kissed his cheek, "Sophie that's not nice. He's your baby brother and you need to take care him, like a big sister." He extended his hand, "Now let's take Sammy to Mommy so she can feed him…then you and Daddy can run to the store."

Ten minutes later, Sophie slunk into the family room, where Mac was feeding the baby. "Mama, I need ta go potty."

Mac looked up from the baby, "Sophie, you know how to go all by yourself…go on into bathroom."

"No!" Sophie exclaimed, "…I wan you to take me."

Mac exhaled, "Sophie, Mama's feeding the baby…now, go into the bathroom."

Sophie glared back, "No!"

"Harm?" Mac hollered. "Sophie, get Daddy to help you."

Sophie placed her hands on her hips, "He went to da stwore.

Mac shook her head and muttered, "I thought he was going to take you with him."

Sophie yelled back, "I dinit wanna go…I need to go potty!"

Mac tried to rise from the couch without interrupting Sammy's feeding. She grabbed Sophie's hand and walked her into the bathroom. Pushing the little girl though the door, she commanded, "Alright Mama's here with you…now go potty." Sophie crossed her arms over her chest and glared back at her mother. "Sophie, Mama's losing patience…now, go." With one final glare and a mischievous grin, Sophie did as her mother requested and went potty…in her pants. Mac looked at her daughter in shock, "Sophia Elizabeth Rabb! What's gotten into you?"

Harm walked in from the garage to hear the tirade coming from the bathroom. He walked with trepidation in the direction of the loud voices. "What's going on in here?"

Mac turned with a screaming baby in one arm and a yelling toddler in the other. "Harm, I thought you were going to take Sophie with you."

He shrugged, "She didn't want to go."

Mac fumed, "Well now, you can clean up the mess…I need to finish feeding Sammy."

Harm looked down at Sophie, "Princess, what did you do?"

Sophie flashed him an innocent smile, and batting her eyes, responded, "Nofing Daddee." Mac motioned her eyes toward the floor.

Harm's eyes grew wide when he took in the puddle on the floor and his daughter wet shorts. He sighed, "Sophie did you have an accident?"

Sophie shook her head, "No Daddee."

Harm pointed to the puddle, "Then what do you call that?"

Sophie shrugged, "It was'in an akident…I do'ed it on purwpose."

Mac lifted her free hand in exasperation, "She's all yours, Flyboy…I'm going back to the family room with Sam."

Harm looked back at his daughter, "Sophie, why did you do that?"

"Betuz, I wanna wear diapers wike the baby."

"Sophie, you're a 'big girl', not a baby…you can go on the potty."

"No!"

Harm got her cleaned up and into dry clothes; but after several more 'on-purpose' accidents, they relented to putting her back in diapers. Having won the first battle, Sophie moved on to bigger and better conquests. She demanded a bottle; they refused but acquiesced to a sippy cup. She refused to drink milk unless it was mama's; they gave her juice.

By the time the Rabb family appeared in Dr. Matthewson's office, the couple was at wit's end. The pediatrician regarded the exhausted parents with a knowing look. "How's everything going folks? Is the baby doing OK?"

Mac smiled, "Sammy's great…he's not the problem."

Dr. Matthewson nodded, "I see…perhaps, Daddy would like to take Sophie for a walk, while I examine the baby."

Harm nodded with an exhausted smile and picked up Sophie, "Hey Princess, why don't you and Daddy go play in the waiting room." With that, he and Sophie headed out the door.

Dr. Matthewson turned back to Mac, "Trouble in paradise?"

Mac sighed, "You could say that…is it possible for a 3 year old to go through the terrible two's…late?"

Dr. Matthewson smiled, "Absolutely…why don't we start with Samuel here and then we'll discuss Sophie." The pediatrician examined the infant and pronounced him in good health. "He's almost a pound above birth weight…that great. He must be feeding well."

Mac stroked the baby's head, "He's perfect…he wakes up to eat, feeds like a champ, and goes back to sleep. He rarely cries; Sophie was never this easy."

The physician smiled, "Every baby's a little different…Sophie went through a lot to get to this point."

Mac looked up worried, "Oh, I'm not complaining…I wouldn't have changed anything about my daughter."

Dr. Matthewson place a hand on her arm, "Relax, I wasn't suggesting anything. I'm pleased with Samuel's progress, by the way the genetic results were normal…he's not a carrier."

Mac sighed in relief, "Thank goodness."

The doctor stepped away from the exam table, "Why don't you get Samuel dressed…then have a seat and tell me what's going on with Sophie."

Mac proceeded to fill the pediatrician in on Sophie's antics, from the accidents to the feedings.

Dr Matthewson patiently listened then offered some gentle advice. "First, everything that Miss Sophie is doing is normal. She's been displaced as the baby and doesn't quite know how to deal with the situation. Starting with the accidents, was she completely potty trained before?"

Mac nodded, "During the day, yes…at night we still had her in a diaper."

"Ok, here's what I recommend. The diapers go…all the time. Put her in training pants with rubber pants over them. She needs to feel uncomfortable when she has an accident. The diapers today are so absorbent that the kids don't care that they're wet. At night, put her in a pull-up…tell her they're 'big girl' underwear. You need to encourage and reward age appropriate behavior, while ignoring the baby behavior."

"What about the feeding issues," Mac asked, "…she keeps asking to breastfeed."

The doctor chuckled, "Believe it or not, that's a common request by an older sibling. They're fascinated by what you're doing. If she's persistent…let her try." At Mac's wary expression, he continued, "Right now it's a challenge…something she can't do. If you let her try, she'll most likely lose interest."

Mac nodded, "That's what my friend Harriet recommended; she went through the same thing with her son."

Dr. Matthewson concluded, "You need to find special activities for Sophie to do, independent of the baby. Encourage older responsibilities and privileges, so she sees an advantage to being the big sister not the baby. Hang in there Mac, you're doing fine." The doctor walked to the door, "I want to see Samuel back in 6 weeks. He'll be due for his first set of shots then."

xxxxx

Over the next few days, Harm and Mac instituted the pediatrician's advice. Sophie was placed in training pants as directed. With the first accident, Sophie waddled into her father, "Daddee, dese are wet."

Harm hide a smile, "OK, let's go get you changed."

By the second accident, Sophie again wanted dry clothes immediately. "Daddee, dese are wet…change dem, pweezze."

Harm looked up from his activities in the kitchen, "Princess, Daddy's making lunch…you'll have to wait."

Sophie scowled, "But Daddee…I don wike dem."

Harm continued to work on the sandwiches, "Sorry Princess, but Daddy's busy."

Sophie rocked from foot-to-foot with a wide stance, "But Daddee…dere yucky. Pweeze change dem."

"In a minute," Harm responded. "You know Sophie…if you went on the potty, you wouldn't have to wear wet pants." With the first appearance of a teardrop, Harm relented, "Come on sweetie…let's get you cleaned up."

After lunch, phase two was entered. Harm lifted Sophie from her booster seat, "Hey Sophie, Daddy's going to make a cake for Mommy…do you want to help."

She bounced up and down, "Yeez, pweeze."

"OK, but only big girls can help in the kitchen. Do you think you can help like a big girl?" Sophie's curls flew at her vigorous nod. He lifted her up onto a chair next to the counter. "OK, first we need to measure the ingredients." Harm helped her scoop and pour flour, sugar, milk and the remainder of the ingredients into the mixing bowl. He leaned in with a smile as she helped him move that mixer around the bowl. "OK, sweetie…now we need to pour the batter into a pan then you can lick the beaters."

Her eyes lit up as she licked her lips. Just as they got ready to pour the batter, Sophie stiffened, "Jus a minue Daddee…wait." She looked down toward the floor, "Daddee hewp me down, now." Harm placed her on the floor and watched her run down the hall. A few seconds later, he heard, "Daddee! Hewp pweeze…hurwee."

Harm raced down the hall to the bathroom to find his daughter struggling with her rubber pants, legs crossed and dancing a jig. "Daddee, hewp…I can'n get dem down." He helped her with the training pants and chuckled when she sat down on the potty chair with a relieved sigh. As she stood back up, she pushed at the rubber pants, "Daddee, I wan des off…I no wike dem."

Harm stooped down to her levels, "Princess, you have to wear them, if you're going to have accidents."

Sophie shook her head and whined, "I use da potty…I pwomise…I wan my big girwl pannies."

Harm stared her in the eyes, "Are you sure…no more accidents…and no more diapers."

Sophie looked back with a serious expression, "I pwomise Daddee…Sowie go on da potty, wike a big girwl."

Harm leaned forward and gave her kiss. "Alright Princess, let's get you changed. What panties do you want to wear?"

She bounced in his arms, "Diznee!"

Once the clothes were taken care of, the pair finished the cake. Over dinner Mac made a big production out of Sophie's delicious cake. The little girl beamed at the praise, "I bakded it for you, Mama…wike a big girwl."

"Yes you did, Bunny. Mama's very proud of you." Harm and Mac exchanged a pleased look, mission #1 accomplished.

Later that evening, Mac finished feeding Sammy and handed him off to Harm for a bath. Sophie climbed into her mama's lap and snuggled in close. She looked into her mother's eyes and touched her face, "Mama do you wuv me wike Sammy."

Mac kissed her palm, "Of course I love you, Sophie…you're Mama's special Bunny."

Sophie pondered that for a moment, "Mama can I nurwse wike Sammy does?"

Mac stroked her face, "Bunny, you're a big girl…Sammy's just a baby. Why do you want to eat like Sammy?"

"Betuz, I din'in get to when I wuz a babee. I wanna trwy wike Sammy."

Mac sighed; she hoped Dr. Matthewson and Harriet knew what they were talking about. Sophie could be tenacious as proven by the bed fiasco; she didn't want this to become a long-term problem. Mac shifted the little girl down and unbuttoned her blouse, "OK, you can try, Bunny." Sophie latched on and began to nurse, her little hand still stroking her mother's cheek. Mac smiled as a warm sense of contentment flowed through her body. This was an experience that she and Sophie had missed out on. Mac ran her fingers through the little girl's hair and kissed her hand. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. She was so caught up in the moment that she failed to notice Harm's entrance into the room.

He looked down with eyes wide and mouth agape, "Ah Mac, what's going on?"

Mac shrugged and whispered, "Dr. Matthewson suggested I let her try…he thought she'd quickly lose interest."

Harm nodded toward Sophie, "How long has she been at it?"

Mac blushed sheepishly, "About 30 minutes."

Harm ran a hand over his face, "Mac, we don't want to encourage another problem."

With tear glazed eyes, she whispered, "I know…it's just that…Sophie and I never got to enjoy this experience." She ran a finger over Sophie's soft cheek.

Harm sat down next to her and placed an arm around her shoulders. He leaned in to place a kiss on her temple and whispered, "Mac, she not a baby anymore."

"I know," Mac wiped away a tear, "…she's growing up so fast. I promise I won't let this get out of hand, but I don't want her to think I'm rejecting her either."

He kissed her again, "OK…I'll trust your judgment."

After an hour of nursing, Sophie fell asleep at her mother's breast. Mac removed her and shifted the little girl up onto her shoulder. She rubbed her back, kissed her cheek and whispered into her hair, "Thank you, Bunny…I think Mama needed that as much as you did…I love you." Mac sat rocking her daughter in the dim evening light enjoying the peace and closeness.

Harm came into the family room, an hour later, and lifted his daughter into his arms. He stroked Mac's cheek, "Are you OK, Mama?"

She nodded, "Yeah, very OK."

He smiled back, "I'll get her ready for bed. We made some progress today; at least she's out of diapers, again. Are you coming up?"

Mac nodded, "I'll be up in a little bit."

xxxxx

**Continued in Part 14b**


	19. Chapter 14b

**Part 14b of two parts—(PLEASE NOTE: Read Part 14a first)**

The atmosphere, in the Rabb house, settled down over the next few days. Sophie delighted in each new 'big girl' activity that her parents devised. There were no further accidents and she relinquished the sippy cup in favor of a 'big girl' glass, although she still refused milk, preferring juice instead. However each night as Harm bathed Sammy, Sophie climbed into her mama's lap and requested to cuddle and nurse. Harm wandered through the family room shaking his head, while Mac ducked from his gaze, enjoying the newfound bond with her daughter.

After a week of nightly nursings, Harm decided it was time to broach the subject with his wife. As he pulled her into his arms in bed, he ran his fingers through her hair. "Sweetheart, you're going to have to break Sophie of her new habit."

"I know," she whispered.

He pulled her face to his gaze, "Mac?"

"I know, Harm," she sighed. "It's just that…never mind, you don't understand."

He cupped her cheek, "I do understand, sweetheart…there's a closeness that you and Sophie missed out on before…but she's not a baby, anymore. You were supposed to squelch a curiosity, not start a new habit. You know how hard it was to break her of the habit of sleeping in our bed; she can't breastfeed until she goes to kindergarten."

A tear escaped her eye, "I'll work on it."

"Alright," he leaned down to place a kiss on her lips. "Goodnight, sweetheart."

Mac stared into the dark unable to sleep. She was still awake a few hours later when Sammy woke up to be feed.

xxxxx

The following evening, before dinner, Sophie found her mother in the nursery feeding Sammy. Mac was gently rocking the baby as she softly sang a Farsi lullaby. Sophie stared at the pair for several minutes before sullenly returning to her room. Harm found her there, 20 minutes later, curled up with Maggie on the floor. He sat down next to her and rubbed her back. "Hey Princess, it's almost time for dinner…are you hungry." Sophie shook her head and buried her face in Maggie's fur. Harm laid down next to her, still rubbing her back, "Sweetie, what's wrong?"

Sophie whispered, "Nofing."

"Are you sick?" Sophie again shook her head. He pulled her into his arms, and she nuzzled her face into his neck. "Come on Princess…let's go downstairs. Maybe you just need to go to bed early."

Dinner turned out to be a quiet affair without Sophie's animated narrations. Harm and Mac shrugged their shoulders not sure what the problem was or how to fix it. As Harm gave Sammy his bath, Sophie once again curled into her mother's lap and began to feed. After about 5 minutes, she pulled away and looked into her mother's face, "Mama will you sing me my swong?"

Mac looked puzzled, "Which song, Bunny?"

"MY swong…da Fasi swong."

Mac smiled, "You mean the lullaby?"

Sophie nodded and went back to nursing as Mac sang. When the song was finished, Sophie again pulled back, "Sing it again." Mac smiled and nodded. "Mama, you onwy sing it for me…it MY swong, not Sammy's."

Mac sighed with understanding, "Did you hear me singing to Sammy?" Sophie nodded and stroked her hand down Mac's face. "Should we find Sammy a new song?"

"Yeez and a new book…da bunny book is mine."

Mac puzzled about the book, "You mean 'The Velveteen Rabbit'?" Sophie again nodded, moving her fingers to her mama's mouth for a kiss. Mac picked up her hand and placed a kiss on her palm. "Sophie is that why you wanted to cuddle and nurse, because Mama was singing your song to Sammy while he ate?"

Sophie ducked her face back to Mac's breast and whispered, "Yeez," before she began to suckle again.

Mac pondered that thought for a moment, "Sophie can you stop and look at Mama?" When the little girl didn't look up, Mac removed her from the breast and stroked her cheek. "Sweetie, Mama will still sing you the lullaby if you don't nurse. We can just cuddle and sing. Would you like that?" Sophie nodded and Mac began to close her blouse.

Sophie stopped her by placing her little hand on the top of Mac's breast over her heart. "Mama…maybe tomowrow, not tonight."

Mac looked into Sophie's sullen eyes, and pulling back her blouse, allowed Sophie to resume nursing. "It's OK Bunny…we'll work on it tomorrow." Mac began to softly sing the Farsi lullaby, all the while pondering their discussion. She'd discovered the secret to the little girl's desire to breastfeed, but wasn't sure that she really wanted their nightly ritual to end. Over the next 40 minutes, with painful resolve, she devised a plan to help Sophie deal with this last hurdle. As she shifted a sleeping Sophie onto her shoulder, she rocked her a few more minutes before taking her up to bed.

xxxxx

Mac walked into the master bedroom to find Harm sitting in bed reading a novel. She went about her nightly routine then climbed in next to him. "Ah, I think I figured out a way to get Sophie to stop nursing."

Harm set the book aside, "How's that?"

Mac rubbed lotion into her hands, "Apparently she heard me singing the Farsi lullaby and reading 'The Velveteen Rabbit' to Sammy. She thinks those are hers and Sammy should have his own song and book."

"OK, what does that have to do with her breastfeeding?"

Mac pulled the covers over her legs, "I was singing and reciting the book while I nursed Sammy. Sophie thought if she breastfed then I would sing the song to her instead."

"Ah," Harm nodded, "…so what's your plan?"

"I thought Sophie and I could have a 'Girl's Day' out tomorrow. You know, leave you and Sammy at home. I thought I'd take her to lunch, see a Disney movie and then go to the bookstore." At his puzzled expression, she continued, "I thought if she picked out a new book and CD for Sammy then she wouldn't be worried about him taking hers."

Harm nodded, "Smart move, Marine. I guess the little guy and I can bond tomorrow, while my girls are out. Do you really think this will work?"

"I don't know for sure, but I did tell Sophie that we could cuddle and sing, even if she didn't nurse." Mac looked down and got quieter as she finished the last few words.

Harm pulled her down into bed and leaned over her, "Hey, I know this is hard for you, but it will be better for Sophie in the end. You're not losing your first baby; she's just growing into a beautiful, independent little girl."

She turned her face away as a tear tracked down her cheek, "I know…it's just that…" she sighed, "…never mind, I know this way is better." He turned her face back and wiped away the tear. She gave a slight smile, "We'll work on it…" she bit her lower lip, "…but would you mind if Sophie still occasionally…I mean if she's having a bad day or something…I wouldn't do it very often."

He smiled, "Not at all, you're her mother and have her best interests at heart…I'm sure you'll know what to do when the time arises." He leaned over and bumped her nose with his then kissed her lips. She ran her fingers through the hair at the back of his neck, as he deepened the kiss. As he nibbled a track down her neck, she tapped him on the shoulder, "Ah Sailor, what are you doing?"

He huffed but didn't leave his spot at the base of her neck, "What does it look like I'm doing…I'm loving my wife."

She chuckled, "I don't think so…the doctor said not until after my 6 week postpartum check-up."

He sighed and laid his forehead against her shoulder, "And when would that be?"

She rubbed the back of his head, "In a couple of weeks." He rolled back over onto his back and placed his arm across his face. She grinned back, "Sorry Flyboy." He rolled his eyes and climbed out and rounded the end of the bed. She looked up amused, "Where are you going?"

He grunted back, "To take a cold shower."

xxxxx

The following morning at breakfast, Mac broke the news to Sophie. "Hey Bunny, would you like to have a special day with Mama today?" At Sophie excited nod, Mac explained, "Mama thought we could go to lunch then see a Disney movie and maybe go shopping. Does that sound like fun?"

Sophie's eyes twinkled, "Yeez, jus Mama and Sowie? What abouw Sammy?"

Mac stooped down next to her daughter, "No boys today…just Mama and Sophie. Sammy and Daddy can stay home? Do you want to go?" Sophie nodded again, "OK, you'll need to take a nap this morning so you're not tired this afternoon."

Sophie scowled, "I don'n wanna twake a nap."

Mac brushed back her curls and tweaked her nose, "Mama doesn't want a crabby girl at the movie…so you need to lie down for a little bit."

Sophie considered her options, "Otay, but will you way don wif me?"

Mac smiled, "Sure, Mama will lay with you until you fall asleep."

By 10:00, Mac was cuddling with Sophie in her bed, "Now close your eyes Bunny and go to sleep."

Sophie pulled at her mama's blouse, undoing the buttons and slipping her hand inside. Mac rolled away from the toddler's grasp and grabbed a book from the floor. As she rolled back, Sophie again tried to open her mother's blouse. Mac pulled her little hand away and settled her close, "Why doesn't Mama read 'The Velveteen Rabbit' while you fall asleep?"

Sophie whined, "Mama wead the book while Sowie nurwse."

Mac shook her head, "No Bunny, we only do that at night before you go to bed. Big girls don't need to nurse during the day."

Sophie began to cry, "But Mama, I can'n fwall a sweep now…Pweeze."

Mac battled with herself but stuck to guns, "No Bunny, Mama will read the book until you fall asleep. Now, close those eyes."

Sophie cried louder and grabbed for the shirt again, "Pweeze Mama…Don'nit you wuv Sowie wike Sammy."

The little girl was quickly losing control as she gasped for a breath. Mac's heart broke at the sight. She couldn't take the risk of her daughter feeling rejected and finally gave in. Pulling the little girl close, she rolled them on their sides, "Oh Bunny, of course Mama loves you as much as Sammy. Now calm down and Mama will let you nurse while I read the story."

Sophie gasped and yawned. "Sing da swong instead," was whispered as the little girl began to nurse.

Mac laid back and sighed, "This may take longer than I thought…baby steps…baby steps." She softly sang the Farsi lullaby as she stroked Sophie's soft hair.

Fifteen minutes later, Mac thought Sophie had fallen asleep. She tried to move away, just as Sophie stirred. "No go Mama…I not sweepen yet."

Mac smiled and stroked her cheek, "OK Bunny, Mama will stay here." Sophie continued to contentedly nurse for another 30 minutes until she finally fell asleep.

Mac wandered back into the kitchen to find Harm making a pot of tea. He gestured, "Do you want some?" She nodded in affirmation. He motioned his head toward the stairs, "What was that all about…I heard a lot of crying."

Mac shook her head, "Don't ask, but this may take longer than we thought." Harm rolled his eyes. Mac glared back, "I'm working on it."

xxxxx

Mac and Sophie enjoyed lunch at the restaurant of Sophie's choosing, Sho Gun. They took in a matinee performance of the latest Disney film and then loaded into the car to head to Barnes & Noble. As Mac drove, she periodically glanced at Sophie through the rearview mirror. "Hey Bunny, would you like to go to the bookstore? Mama thought you might want to pick out a new book and music CD for Sammy." Sophie nodded back in the affirmative. Mac smiled at her daughter's only slightly warm response, "Would you like to pick out a new book and movie for you too?"

Sophie bounced in her car seat, "Yipee."

"I thought if you picked out a new book and song for Sammy then he wouldn't have to use yours." She glanced back to see Sophie's reaction and continued, "Did you have fun today with Mama doing big girl things?" Sophie nodded her head. "Would you like to have more Mama and Sophie special days?"

"Yeez."

Mac crossed her fingers and ploughed on, "If you want to do more big girl things then you need to act like a big girl all the time. Do you think if just Mama and Sophie went out to do more fun things together, that you could stop nursing like a big girl?" Sophie turned her head away and looked out the window. Mac sighed, "Sophie did you hear Mama?"

"I don'n wanna tawk about it."

"Sophie, Mama wants to talk about it. If you want to do big girl things like eat-out and go to the movies then you need to eat like a big girl too. Sammy nurses because he's a baby; he can't eat big boy food yet." Sophie didn't answer. "Sweetie, do Nicki and Hailey nurse?"

"No," came the soft reply from the back seat.

"No they don't, because they're big girls. They eat from the table and drink from a glass when they're thirsty. Do you think you can do that?"

Sophie started to cry, "But I don'n do it betuz I firsty."

Mac glanced back again, "Why do you do it then, Bunny?"

"Betuz…" she chewed on her lip, "…betuz, I wike just Mama and Sowie time."

Mac pulled into the parking lot of the bookstore and turned off the car. She walked around to the backseat and climbed in next to Sophie. She cupped the little girl's chin and stroked Sophie's cheek with her thumb. "Bunny, you and Mama can have our girl time whenever you want. You don't need to nurse to spend time with Mama. We can cuddle and read books, or watch TV, or play games."

Sophie's lower lip began to quiver, "But it make me feew good when I sad."

Mac pulled her daughter out of the car seat and into her lap, "Oh Bunny, why do you feel sad?"

Sophie cuddled in close, "Betuz Sammy get mowe time."

Mac deflated at that response. She shifted Sophie up to her shoulder and held her close. Placing a kiss on her cheek, she whispered, "Bunny you'll always be Mama's first and special baby. Mama will try to spend more special time with you. If we do that, do you think you can stop nursing?"

Sophie shook her head, "But what if I sad?"

Mac pulled Sophie back to sit in her lap. "OK sweetie, Mama will make you a deal. Most of the time you just drink from a cup…no nursing…" she paused to look in Sophie's eyes, "…but if you have a really bad day and are really sad then Mama will let you nurse…OK?" When Sophie didn't answer, Mac stroked her cheek, "Sophie do you hear me? Mama promises if it's a really sad day."

Sophie threw herself into her mother's arms, "Otay I trwy."

Mac placed a kiss on her soft cheek and whispered, "That's my big girl…Mama is very proud of you."

xxxxx

Sophie managed to find several books for her and Sammy, in addition to 2 new CDs and a movie. She fell asleep, on the car ride home, from all the excitement of the day. Harm met his girls at the car and carried Sophie up to her room for a short nap before dinner.

As he and Mac puttered around the kitchen, he inquired about their day. "So how did it go…did my girls have fun?"

Mac looked back exhausted, "I think she had fun, but we had a pretty emotional discussion on the way to the bookstore."

"Any progress on the breastfeeding front?" Mac turned away and began to pull items for dinner from the refrigerator. "Sweetheart, what happened?"

She turned back with tears in her eyes, "Harm, I'm a failure as a mother."

He walked toward her, "Mac, you know that not true…where's this coming from?"

Mac blinked back the tears before they could escape, "Sophie wanted to nurse so she could have special alone time with me."

Harm nodded, "I can understand that, with the new baby she gotten her nose bumped a little. She's not the only child anymore."

Mac released a breath through pursed lips, "But that's not the only reason…the really big reason. She said she was doing it because she was sad and it made her feel good. Harm, how could I not know she was that unhappy…I'm her mother, I should notice these things."

Harm pulled his now crying wife into his arms, "Oh sweetheart, you're a great mother. Neither of us noticed that Sophie felt that sad or left out. We'll just have to make a special effort to do more individual things with our daughter. I'm sure more special Mommy-Sophie or Daddy-Sophie times will help."

Mac nodded her head, "I told her that we would do that…I also told her that she didn't need to breastfeed all the time anymore."

Harm smiled, "That's progress."

Mac bit her lip, "I also told her if she had a really sad day that she could still nurse, if it made her feel better."

"Maaaac."

"No Harm, you didn't see her face this morning or this afternoon. I can't say no if she's that upset…I tried, it broke my heart this morning."

"What happened this morning?"

Mac wiped away her still falling tears, "When I took her up for a nap, she tried to nurse and I told her no. I even tried to divert her attention with a book…but she was so upset and crying then she asked why I loved Sammy more than her. I couldn't refuse her after that. So we came to an understanding this afternoon…I told her she could only ask on really sad days; I promised her."

He smiled and stroked her cheek, "That's reasonable…you really are a great mom, sweetheart." He gave her a gentle kiss, "Do you think I can help by running interference and diversionary tactics?"

She grinned back and nodded, "That'd be great, Daddy. She's all yours when she wants to breastfeed."

His eyes grew wide, "Ah, I didn't say that."

She shook her head and tapped him in the chest, "See you're all talk…you're not any better at this tough love stuff than I am. All she has to do is bat those big Rabb eyes at you and you fold like a Sissy."

He grabbed her hand and swung her back into his arms, "Hey, who are you calling a Sissy…I'll show you, Marine."

She bantered back, "Show me what, Sailor?"

He leaned down and planted a dazzling kiss on her lips, "That'll have to do for now." He waggled his eyebrows and pointed his index finger, "But just you wait…in 2 weeks, you're all mine, Marine."

She grinned back, "12 days, 21 hours and 33 minutes." And with that, she sauntered out of the kitchen.

xxxxx

After dinner, Sophie regaled her father with all the events of the day. She rummaged through the sacks to show him each of the new finds. "Daddee, we got Sammy 2 new books…one is abow a doggy name Carwel and one is abow a bear name Winnie Pooh. See Daddee."

Harm took the books and flipped through the pages, "I see Princess…'Good Dog Carl' and 'My First Winnie-the-Pooh'."

Sophie took the books back and pulled out the CD, "And dis is abow Pooh too." She pointed to the CD title, "What dis firs word, Daddee."

Harm looked over her shoulder, "That says Return."

Sophie nodded, "Dats wight…Return to Pooh Cornerer. I pickeded it out betuz Pooh is a bear wike Sammy Bear."

Harm tousled her hair, "Those are great choices, Sophie…You did a really good job. Why don't you show Daddy what you got."

Sophie ran back to the sack, "Otay Daddee…me got 2 books too. I got a mouse book and a pig book." She handed them to her father.

"'If You Give A Mouse A Cookie' and 'If You Give A Pig A Pancake.'" Harm frowned, "Sophie, I didn't know that mice ate cookies or pigs ate pancakes…those are funny books, sweetie."

Sophie laughed, "I got a Ewoise movie too."

Harm eyes lit up, "How about Daddy starts the movie for you to watch while I give Sammy his bath?"

Sophie jumped up and down, "Otay Daddee."

Once Sophie was ensconced in front of the TV, he sidled up to Mac and whispered, "Diversion tactic number 1. I'm going to give Sammy a quick bath and I'll be back."

Mac waggled her eyebrows, "Pretty impressive, Navy…" she smacked his six as he passed by, "…on all counts."

"Maaac, " was thrown back over his shoulder.

Harm reappeared 20 minutes later and joined Mac on the couch. He pointed toward Sophie, "She's still watching the movie…any problems?"

Mac smiled, "Not yet."

At that moment Sophie looked back at her parents, "I tirirwed of dis movie." She grabbed her book and walked over to the couch with a yawn. "Mama can I cuddle wif you?"

Mac extended her arms, "Sure sweetie, come on up with Daddy and me."

Sophie climbed into her mother's lap and reclined back in her arms. She pulled at her mother's blouse and loosened the buttons. "Mama, pweeze can I?"

Mac stroked her cheek and asked, "Remember our deal…only if you really need too…if you're really sad. Do you really need too?" Sophie thought for a minute then nodded her head. Mac looked at Harm and sighed; he rolled his eyes back. "OK Bunny, for tonight only," Mac said with disappointment. Mac pulled back her blouse and settled Sophie back to nurse.

Just as Sophie latched on, Harm nudged her leg, "Hey Princess." Sophie pulled away to look at her father. "This is a really cool big girl book…how about you and Daddy read this book, instead?"

Sophie glanced from her mother to her father and back again. She then cocked her head and held up 5 fingers, "5 minues wif Mama den Daddy wead da book."

Harm shook his head, "Sophie my love, you are a lawyer in the making." He nodded his head, "Alright, 5 minutes with Mommy…" he raised a finger, "…for tonight only…then you read the book with Daddy. Deal?"

Sophie sat up and grinned, extending her hand to shake, "Deaw!" True to her word, she nursed for 5 minutes and then climbed into her Daddy's lap. "Otay Daddy, wead da book." Mac smiled and began to button her blouse. Sophie looked over and pointed a finger, "Mama weave it wike dat jus in case."

Harm scolded back, "Sophia Elizabeth Rabb."

Sophie looked up at her father and grinned, "Never min…I jus pwaying…I a big girwl!"

Mac started to laugh, "I don't know where we got you, Sophie."

Sophie shrugged her shoulders and raised her hands, "From da hostibital."

Harm swung a giggling Sophie up over his head and blew raspberries on her tummy. He then lowered her to kiss her cheek, "I love you, Princess…and Daddy is very proud of what a big girl you are. Now how about we read this story."

Over the next 6 months, Sophie tried very hard to be a big girl and a good big sister. She helped take care of her baby brother and only had an occasional backward slide. True to her word, she only asked to cuddle with Mama once or twice a week after a really bad day or if she didn't feel good. By 2 months time, the request became infrequent...and by 6 months, she announced 'she was a big girl and didn't need to cuddle anymore, except for hugs and kisses'.

xxxxx

22:00

Saturday, May 20th, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Antepartum Unit

Harm was awakened from his dream by a gentle shake to his arm. "Captain Rabb, you need to go home."

Harm muttered in his sleep, "That's my big girl…Daddy's very proud of you," and rolled back toward Mac.

The next sound he heard was a gruff voice, "Captain Rabb, do I need to make it an order?"

Harm turned toward the voice and squinted, "Admiral?"

"Yes Harm, it's AJ. They called me to come get you…the nurses thought you were too exhausted to drive home."

Harm scrubbed a hand over his face, "I'm fine…I just keep having these weird dreams." He shook his head, "I can't really remember them…and I don't feel very rested when I wake up. I feel like I just went 10 rounds with…" he shrugged, "…I don't know who."

AJ laughed, "Maybe you daughter?"

Harm looked puzzled, "What?"

AJ shook his head, "First you said something about her being a lawyer in the making…then you called her a big girl and said you were proud."

Harm glared back, "What are you talking about?"

AJ laughed, "You tell me…it was your dream. But if it comes true, I'd say you have your hands full." He raised his brow, "I'd say Miss Sophie is your just desserts for all the stunts you pulled on me."

Fully awake now, Harm looked on in shock, "What?"

AJ grinned, "Come on, Harm. Let's get you home."

Harm climbed out of the bed to follow AJ, "Sir, can we swing by the NICU first so I can say goodbye to Sophie?"

"Sure, I haven't seen my granddaughter today."

Harm turned back, "Just a minute." He leaned over to give Mac a kiss and whispered, "Sweet dreams, Marine…I hope yours are more restful than mine."

xxxxx

_**AN:** Books and CD in this chapter_

_Good Dog Carl by Alexandra Day. Fabulous series of books about the adventures of a baby and her best friend Carl, who happens to be a rottweiler. The only words in each book are on the first and last page. The artwork is phenomenal._

_My First Winnie-the Pooh by A. A. Miline_

_If You Give A Mouse A Cookie by Laura Numeroff. Also a great series of books. The main character animal (mouse, pig, moose) of each book always asks for something, which results in a series of other requests. By the end of the book, you're right back where you started._

_If You Give A Pig A Pancake by Laura Numeroff_

_Return to Pooh Corner by Kenny Loggins_


	20. Chapter 15

**Part 15**

22:10

Saturday, May 20th, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

NICU

Harm and AJ entered the NICU and scrubbed before proceeding to Sophie's beside. Harm introduced AJ to Val, Sophie's nurse that night. "Hi, Val…this is Admiral Chegwidden; he's Sophie's grandfather.

Val smiled in greeting, "Of course, he's the other grandparent listed on Sophie's visiting log. It's a pleasure to meet you, Sir. I assume by the last name that you're Colonel Rabb's father?"

AJ smiled back, "No, I'm an adopted grandpa and proud to serve."

Harm explained, "Mac's parents aren't around, the Admiral's a good friend and like a father to both of us. We asked him to be Sophie's other grandfather along with my step-dad Frank Burnett." Harm walked closer to the bed, "How's Sophie doing tonight?"

Val adjusted the IV rate, "She hanging in there. She's down to 40 oxygen and we've weaned several other ventilator settings…if she keeps making progress, we'll probably be able to switch her back to a regular ventilator tomorrow."

Harm beamed, "That's great…will we be able to hold her then?" He gently stroked the baby's arm before lifting up her hand to place a kiss on the palm.

Val smiled back, "Maybe…it just depends on how she tolerates the handling."

Harm stepped back from the bed disappointed, "Oh, I see…I don't want to hurt her."

Val hurried to explain, "Oh no, Sir…what you were doing is fine. What I meant was that picking her up and moving her may be hard…especially with all the lines and tubes."

AJ moved forward and placed his hand on Harm's shoulder, "Well, son…are you gonna give me a formal introduction to my granddaughter."

Harm beamed with pride, "Grandpa AJ, I'd like to introduce your granddaughter, Sophia Elizabeth Rabb…and Princess, this is your grandfather, Grandpa AJ."

AJ chuckled and extending a finger, asked, "Is it OK if I touch her?"

Val grinned, "Of course, Sir."

AJ stroked Sophie's head, "Hey little one, we're gonna have some fun together…you and I are going to drive your parents crazy." He glanced back toward Harm and continued to talk to Sophie, "It's payback time."

Harm's eyes widened, "Oh Sir, I don't think she's gonna need any encouragement. I have a feeling she's going to be a force to be reckoned with," he grinned mischievously, "…after all she takes after her mother."

AJ shook his head, "Her mother, huh? I was thinking her father was the one more likely to find trouble."

Harm shook his head, "Nah uh, I delivered as promised…my looks…her brains. She's her mother's daughter."

AJ chuckled, "What's this promise?"

Harm blushed, "Ah…never mind, Sir."

AJ sighed, "Harm, it's AJ…I'm not your CO anymore." He turned back to touch Sophie, "I'm just her grandpa, now."

Harm smiled with contentment, "Yes, Sir…I mean Grandpa AJ."

At that moment, Sophie's monitor began to alarm. Harm looked up frightened, "What's going on?"

Val moved closer to the bed to tend to Sophie, "Ah, her oxygen saturations are drifting down." Val turned up the oxygen on the ventilator.

Harm paced closer, "Shouldn't you do something?"

Val turned the oxygen up to 100 and called through the intercom, "Could you send Dr. Williams into Baby Girl Rabb's bedside, please."

The intercom squawked to life, "I'm sorry Val, but Dr. Williams is down the hall."

Val yelled back as she grabbed the ambu to begin bagging Sophie, "Page her…I need her right away!"

Harm panicked, "What's going on…is Sophie gonna be OK?"

The charge nurse ran into the room to help. She pushed past Harm, "Sir, maybe it would be better if you waited in the family conference room."

Harm bit back, "I'm not leaving until I know my daughter's OK. What's taking the doctor so long?"

At that moment, Dr. Williams entered the room, "What's the problem, Val?"

Val shook her head, "I'm not sure…she just dropped her sats. I turned her up to 100, but her sats won't come up, so I started bagging her." As the nurse spoke, Sophie's monitor began to alarm for a falling heart rate.

Harm backed up and slid down the wall, dropping his head into his hands, "Oh no, not again…this is just like last night. I thought she was doing better, " his voice cracked as tears streamed down his face.

AJ bent down and placed an arm around his shoulders, "Harm, why don't we wait outside." Harm shook his head. AJ pulled him up from the floor, "Come on, son. We need to give them room to work on Sophie. We don't want to get in the way."

Dr. Williams nodded toward the door, "Captain, why don't you wait in the family conference room…I'll come talk to you as soon as I can."

As he was pulled from the room, Harm heard Val say, "Doctor, her heart rate is 50; I'm starting compressions…Stacy get a code cart in here; we're going to need epinephrine."

Harm only moved under the strength of AJ, into the family conference room. He looked around the dimly lit room, a sense of deja vu overtaking him once again. He collapsed into the closest chair and dropped his head into his hands. "She can't die now. She was doing so well." He looked up in shock, "Mac hasn't even gotten to see her yet. We've never gotten to hold her."

AJ sat down next to the broken man and pulled him into an embrace. "Hey, now don't you give up on my granddaughter…she's a fighter. We don't even know what's wrong yet. The doctor said she'd be in soon."

Harm scrubbed his hand over his face, "I don't know if I can take months of this. It's only been 24 hours and it already feels like a never ending roller coaster ride." He looked up at AJ, "She just has to be OK."

AJ rubbed a hand over his back, "She will be, Harm…she's got that Rabb-MacKenzie spirit and tenacity…she's going to be just fine."

Ten minutes later, Dr. Williams appeared with a smile on her face. "Captain, Sophie's fine…she just plugged off her breathing tube. Once we replaced it, she pinked right up."

Harm looked up stunned, "But her heart rate was low and you were coding her."

Dr. Williams shook her head, "We didn't have too. I pulled out the plugged tube and replaced it. Her heart rate came right back up. Her oxygen level on the ventilator is already back down to 40."

Harm continued to stare wide-eyed, "So she's going to be OK?"

Dr. Williams nodded, "Yeah, she doing fine. When the babies' lungs start to improve, they mobilize secretions…sometimes the secretions can plug off the tube." She looked into the teary and exhausted eyes of the distraught father and knelt down in front him. Touching his arm, she comforted, "Sir, Sophie's OK, trust me. Why don't you go give her a goodnight kiss and go home and get some sleep. You've been through as much as she has in the last 24 hours. You're not going to do her or your wife any good if you collapse from exhaustion."

Harm nodded with tears in eyes, "I will…thank you."

The doctor gave him one final pat and a wink, "It's my pleasure…that's what I'm here for. Now, I hope this gentleman next to you is going to give you a ride home…I don't want Sophie's daddy to get in an accident."

Harm nodded, "This is Sophie's grandfather…Admiral Chegwidden."

The doctor immediately stood up straight, "I'm sorry, Sir…I didn't realize."

AJ chuckled, "I'm retired…Now, I'm just Sophie's grandpa."

The doctor tipped her head, "Pleased to meet you, Sir. I trust you'll both have a safe trip home, Sirs."

Harm and AJ briefly stopped by Sophie's bedside to make sure she was indeed OK. They both gave her kisses and uttered whispers of 'I love you…goodnight…see you in the morning.'

As they left the NICU, Harm turned to AJ, "Would you mind if I stopped by the chapel for a moment?"

AJ grabbed his shoulder, "I think that would be a good idea. Come on, we can both say a prayer."

xxxxx

22:55

Saturday, May 20th, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Chapel

Harm settled into a back pew, while AJ hung by the door to offer silent support. As Harm began to pray, the elderly Chaplain from the previous evening once again approached. Harm looked up and smiled, "It's good to see you, Sir."

"Same here, son. How is your family doing?"

"My wife's much better. She's awake and back on the regular floor…she should be able to go home in about a week." He paused and responded with a bit more introspection, "My daughter's still critical." He paused again to blink back tears, "She has good moments and bad…she gave me quite a scare tonight." He wiped his hand over his face, "I'm afraid we're in for a long haul with her."

The elderly gentleman laid a hand on his shoulder, "But that means she's still alive, son. I'll continue to pray for both of them." He looked toward the door, "Now, it looks like someone is here to give you a ride home. Why don't you get some rest and I'll pray for strength for you as well."

Harm stood and nodded back, "Thank you, Sir. We'll take all the help and prayers we can get." He shook the Chaplain's hand and turned to leave.

xxxxx

Throughout the car ride home, Harm sat quietly with his eyes closed. As AJ pulled into the drive, he reached out to shake his arm, "We're home, Harm. Time to wake up."

Harm opened his eyes and quietly responded back, "I wasn't asleep. Thanks for the ride, AJ." He started to get of the car, but then turned back, "My car…it's still at Bethesda. I'm going to need it to get back to the hospital in the morning."

AJ shook his head, "Don't worry about it…I'll come get you at 10:00. Get some sleep, if something happens tonight…just call me, I'll come pick you up sooner."

"But Sir, I wanted to be at the hospital early in the morning."

AJ frowned, "Harm, it's almost 01:00… you need to get a goodnight's sleep just like the doctor said. I'll pick you up at 10:00 and take you for breakfast…Mac would kill me if something happened to you." AJ grinned, "And believe it or not…I fear the Marines more than Navy. Now, go to bed, son."

Harm smiled back, "I have to agree with you there, Sir…even at 120 pounds, I think she's tougher than me." He sobered, "At least she handles most things better than me," he sighed, "…she's the one with the dispassionate plan…the head of reason." He shook his head, "I don't know what I'd do without her, AJ."

"Luckily, you won't have to find out. Goodnight, Harm."

"Thanks, AJ…goodnight."

Harm dragged his exhausted body into the house and up the stairs. He dropped his clothes in a trail leading to the bed and collapsed on top the covers. He glanced over to Mac's pillow, and pulling it to his chest, inhaled her irresistible unique scent. Muttering, "Mmmm, MY Marine," he succumbed to his fanciful dreams once again.


	21. Chapter 16a

_For disclaimers see chapter 1._

**Part 16a of two parts**

01:10

Sunday, May 21st, 2006

Rabb House

Harm tossed and turned in his sleep, reaching out for Mac. "Mac, where are you," was muttered in his sleep.

He entered dreamland in the spring of 2011. He and Sophie were coming home from soccer practice. With her 5th birthday just around the corner, the summer league had agreed to allow her to register early. She should have been 5 by April 30 to actually play this year, but when the local coach took one look at the tall slender almost 5-year old, he couldn't say no. Sophie had inherited both her parents' height advantage, and at almost 5, she was the size of a 7 year old. Harm had to laugh when he remembered the neonatologist suggesting she might be small for her age due to her early arrival. If they could see his daughter now, they would be absolutely amazed. She was a tall dark haired beauty with her mother's grace and personality. Even at this young age, she transferred her graceful movements and height into incredible athletic ability. Of course, it didn't hurt that she loved to dance; ballet had become another passion. Her dance abilities took the form of amazing footwork on the soccer field.

Harm chuckled at the thought; his Princess was truly an enigma. She had a bubbly engaging personality. She could charm her way out of any situation with the verbal abilities of a future lawyer. She was a 'girly girl' in her fashion sense, a trait she'd adopted from early on. She loved pink, frills, bows and nail polish. She preferred dresses to pants and buckle shoes to sneakers. Put her on the soccer field, and she amended her uniform to include lace on her socks, pink on her shoes, ribbons in her hair and to complete the look, earrings, a necklace and pink nail polish. Despite her girly appearance, woe be to any boy who didn't take her seriously, she could go toe-to-toe and leave them in her dust.

If Sophie was about personality, pizzazz and panache then Sammy was her opposite in every way. Samuel Matthew Rabb was a quiet, unassuming introspective toddler. At 22 months of age he was also a tall beautiful child with huge soulful brown eyes that mesmerized anyone in his path. Initially they'd been concerned about his development due to his quiet personality, but they'd quickly learned that Sammy was just judicious in his use of words. When tested by his pediatrician, he performed well beyond his age in language and reasoning abilities. He loved books and puzzles and playing on the computer with Daddy. Neither Harm nor Mac could figure out their son's serene personality. His quiet disposition seemed a far cry from both his parent's more out-going ones. On further questioning, Gummy Burnett finally filled in the missing blanks. Seemed Harm had a similar personality as a young boy, but had been forced to grow-up when he became the man of the house at his father's disappearance. This was further intensified when Frank came into the picture; Harm became more verbose and competitive once the maligned interloper took his position as the head-of-the-household. Harm gave himself a mental shake; he hoped his kids never treated him with the same disregard. Thankful he and Frank made amends as adults…Harm had to admit that Frank had been good for both he and his mother.

Harm walked into the kitchen looking for his wife, "Mac, where are you?" He inhaled the delicious aroma emanating from the oven. Mac had become a fabulous cook in her own right. They'd initially taken cooking classes as a couple, enjoying the romantic overtures of preparing, feeding and tasting the delicacies they prepared between gentle caresses and passionate kisses. At times it would take hours to complete a meal as food preparation was abandoned for more enticing activities. However as the children appeared, those amorous culinary activities had been reserved to rare treasured occasions, in favor of family responsibilities. His mouth watered as he opened the oven door and took in the sight of the Herb Encrusted Roast Chicken and Baby Vegetables. He turned toward his daughter, "Sophie, it looks like your Mama's been busy today." He pointed toward the oven, "Roasted Chicken."

Sophie's eyes widened as she looked at the back counter, "And Apple Pie." She stuck her finger into the middle and licked it clean, "Mmmm my favorite."

Harm looked on with a shocked glare, "Sophia Elizabeth Rabb, you know better than that…now get upstairs and get cleaned up, now." He couldn't suppress the laugh that escaped his lips at his daughter's theatrical antics.

Sophie giggled and batted her eyes at her father, "Yes, Daddy Sir."

Mac appeared a few minutes later, "Hey Sailor, I didn't hear you come in. How was soccer practice?"

He grabbed her hand and reeled her in close, "That kid of ours is amazing. She can run circles around the rest of the team." He leaned down to nibble on her lips. "Dinner smells great," was mumbled as he nuzzled his way down her neck. "But not as good as you," was uttered as he sucked on the skin at the base of her neck.

She pulled his face back to hers and whispered, "I'm not on the menu," as she took his lips in a deep passionate kiss.

"How about later," was breathlessly moaned between kisses.

Sammy walked in just then and tugged at his father's jeans, "Daddee, you home…Sammy up, Pweeze."

Harm sighed and rested his head against Mac's shoulder, "Our kids have the worst timing, Mac."

She giggled as she ran her fingers under the back of his shirt, "Just remember…my looks…your brains." She pulled back and poked a finger into his chest, "His sense of timing is all yours, Sailor."

He leaned in for one final kiss, "Later, Marine." He then swooped down grabbing his son and hefted him up over his head to blow raspberries on his tummy.

The toddler howled with laughter, while trying to wiggle away from his father's lips. "Nooo Daddee…dat tickows. Fwy airplawne instead." Harm pulled his son down close and planted a loud smacking kiss on his cheek, "What kind of airplane, Peanut?"

Sammy shook his head, "I not a peanut…I a Sammy Bear."

Harm nuzzled his son's cheek, "You smell like a peanut…so you must be a peanut."

Sammy grabbed Harm's cheek in his little hands and stared into his eyes, "No Daddee, I not a peanut…I jus wike peanut budder and jewwy."

"Peanut butter, huh?" Harm tickled the boy's tummy.

Sammy giggled, "Yeah…peanut budder is yummy. Now fwy me wike Sawah."

Harm looked back with a serious expression, "You want me to fly you like your Mommy?"

"NO!" Sammy giggled, "Not Mama…wike yowr pwane Sawah." Harm held the toddler out prone and flew him through the kitchen to Sammy's delighted giggles and 'VROOMS'. They barely missed running into Sophie when skidding to a landing near the kitchen door.

Mac intervened, "All right you two, it's time to get dinner on the table. Harm, can you grab the chicken out of the oven and I'll get something in the glasses." They carried out their tasks like a well-orchestrated dance with years of experience. As Mac reached for the pie, her eyes widened in shock. "Harm, you stuck your finger in the middle of my pie!"

He looked back with a grin of mock indignation, "Why are you assuming it was me?"

She sighed, "Harm, you and I are the only ones in this kitchen that are tall enough to reach it. Now I know it wasn't me…that only leaves you."

Harm shook his finger and grinned, "I don't think so, sweetheart." He tossed a quick look back toward his retreating daughter and winked. Walking menacingly toward his wife, he flashed a smug grin, "I think that's called 'A Rush To Judgment'…Assumes facts not in evidence, Counselor."

Mac sighed in exasperation, "Are you gonna tell me Sammy did it!"

Harm drew closer, "I'm not saying anyone did it…I'm merely pointing out your case is based on circumstantial evidence, Counselor."

Mac backed away as Harm continued to advance, "Harm! Who else do you suggest is the guilty party?"

Sammy brought his hands to his mouth and giggled. Mac leaned her head to the side, "Sammy, can you tell Mama who stuck their finger in the pie?"

Harm advanced, Mac retreated, "I don't recall you asking to call witnesses, Counselor." Sophie poked her head around the kitchen door to watch the fun unfold.

"Harm!" Retreat…Advance.

Sammy giggled again and subtly pointed his index finger toward his big sister. Mac's eyes widened in understanding, "Sophia Elizabeth Rabb!"

Sophie squealed and ran around the kitchen counter toward her brother. Harm advanced one final step just as Mac realized the error in her strategic retreat. She'd been backed into a corner, literally and figuratively.

"Run Princess…Daddy will make the sacrifice and throw himself on the mercy of the court," was yelled as Harm pounced on his wife and pulled her into his embrace. As he mischievously glared into her eyes, he demanded judgment, "Hey kids, what do you think my punishment should be."

"KISS HEWR!!!"

"KISS HER!!!"

Harm grinned, "Well Marine, seems the judge and jury has spoken," was uttered as he ducked in for a knee-buckling kiss…then another…and another.

Mac pulled back still holding on for support and gasped, "Harm, what will the kids think?"

He grinned and affirmed between kisses, "That their Daddy is…head over heels…100…hopelessly, endlessly…in love…with their Mommy."

At the kids continued giggles and cheers, Harm pulled back and looked at his dazed wife. "Hey sweetheart, I thought we were gonna eat dinner…that pie looks great by the way."

Mac blinked several times, "Pie? What pie?"

Harm chuckled and flashed a smug grin at his kids, "My secret weapon…Works every time!" He grabbed the chicken from the counter and motioned toward the table, "Come on kids…let's eat. Mac, are you coming?"

"What?"

The Rabb family enjoyed dinner amidst lively conversation. As Mac and Sophie cleared the table, Sophie asked, "Mama, what does that 'fat…evi…' thing Daddy said, mean?"

Mac tousled her daughter's hair, "You mean Facts Not In Evidence?"

Sophie nodded, "Yeah that…what does it mean?"

Mac pondered how to explain legalese to a preschooler, "Well, you know yesterday when your new book got torn up? Who did you blame?

"Sammy."

Mac nodded, "That's right, but did Sammy tear up your book?"

"No, Maggie did," Sophie answered.

"So why did you blame Sammy?"

"'Cuz he's always in my room, messing with my stuff."

Mac nodded again, "And how did you find out it was Maggie's fault.

Sophie sighed, "'Cuz Sammy was at the park with Daddy and I found part of my book in Maggie's bed."

Mac smiled, "Exactly my little lawyer, you blamed Sammy even though you didn't know he did it. You ASSUMED, that means thought, that Sammy was guilty because he likes to go in your room…but you didn't have any evidence, that means proof, that he did it. You assumed facts that you didn't have evidence for."

Sophie looked puzzled, "I think I get it. You mean you blamed Daddy for the pie because he was in the kitchen?"

Mac smiled, "Kinda…Not only was Daddy in the kitchen with the pie, but he was tall enough to reach it. I knew Sammy was too short." She grabbed her daughter and tickled her sides, "And I didn't know that my Bunny had already been there."

Sophie giggled and danced away. "Sorry Mama…it's just that apple is my favorite."

Mac pulled her close and tweaked her nose, "It's OK this time, just don't do it again." She picked her daughter up and kissed her cheek as Sophie cuddled in close. Mac patted her back, "You're getting to big for Mama to pick up like this. I can't believe my BooBoo Bunny is going to be 5 already. Do you know what you want to do for your birthday?"

Sophie yawned and put her arms around her mother's neck, "Can I have a sleep over with Nicki and Hailey?" She yawned again, "We can play beauty shop…and paint our nails…and make ice cream sundaes."

Mac smiled and pressed a kiss to her cheek, "I think we can do that. How come your so tired tonight?"

"Soc…cer," was yawned.

"Alright Bunny, let's get you ready for bed. I love you, BooBoo."

"I love you too…Mama," was whispered between yawns.

xxxxx

The following Saturday, Mac and Harriet left the kids with the guys and headed out for a day of shopping. Harm, AJ, Bud and Bradley sat out on the Roberts' back deck watching the kids play in the yard. Sammy stumbled up the steps with tears in his eyes, "Daddee da big kids puwsh Sammy Bear."

Harm picked up his son and placed him in his lap, "You're kinda small to play with the big kids, Peanut. Do you wanna help us make lunch?" Sammy nodded his head; his big brown eyes still tear glazed. Harm smiled and reached up to wipe the tears. He leaned forward to place a kiss on his son's forehead and whispered, "Let me tell you a secret, Sammy Bear. Your Mama thinks I'm partial to your sister's blue-green Rabb eyes, but between you and me, those big brown one's of yours win hands down…they're a perfect replica of your Mommy's and I could get lost in hers forever."

"Daddee, can me habe peanut budder and jewwy?"

Harm smiled, "Sammy, you're gonna turn into a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Uncle Bud is making hot dogs…how about that instead."

"Otay," was yawned as a thumb went into his mouth.

Harm shifted him up to his shoulder, "Try not fall asleep yet, Peanut. You need to eat lunch before your nap." Sammy gave a half nod before falling fast asleep. Harm kissed his cheek, "That's alright Sammy Bear…you can have peanut butter when you wake up."

After lunch, Harm had Sammy tucked away for a nap and wandered back outside with 2 glasses of iced tea. He nodded at AJ and extended a glass, "I thought you might be thirsty." He glanced out to the yard, "How are the troops holding up?"

AJ motioned his eyes toward a group of boys and girls, "I think the female of the species is about to teach us males a lesson, again."

Harm looked on puzzled as Sophie approached an older boy. "Who's that with Sophie?"

AJ grinned, "Some neighborhood boys came over to play soccer with Jimmy. I'd guess by the looks of it, they must be 7…8 years old. Sophie asked if she and the girls could play too. The ring leader over there," AJ pointed at a tall, thin blonde-haired kid, "…doesn't think that girls can play soccer. I'm just waiting for Sophie to wipe her boots with him."

Harm laughed, "It's easy to underestimate my Princess, when she's all dressed up like that." He watched Sophie circle closer to the boy, sizing him up. Despite the age difference, she was just about the same height. Harm shook his head, "He'd better watch it; she's got her mother's fiery personality and attitude. She's a force to be reckoned with when you challenge her just like Mac. Unless you've got the goods, it's best to back away. Trust me, I speak from experience."

Sophie looked every bit the part of a feminine girl; she'd insisted on wearing a pink ruffled skirt with a white eyelet blouse. Her hair was pulled back in a ribbon with long dark curls cascading down her back. The outfit was topped off with white closed-toed sandals and her ever-present pink glittery nail polish and sparkling rosebud earrings. The earrings had been a present from her Daddy, a subtle reminder of where the Rabb family story had begun.

Harm shook his head, "Uh oh, wrong move buddy."

"He's done it now…here it comes," laughed AJ, as he heard the voices rise in volume.

"Girls can too play soccer," Sophie scowled back.

"No they can't…they don't know how to handle the ball," sneered the kid.

Jimmy Roberts tried to intervene, "Come on, Max…let'em play…Sophie's pretty good."

"No way…I'm not playing soccer with a bunch of girls," threw back the kid.

Sophie crossed her arms over her chest and glared, "Girls can do anything boys can do!"

Max laughed, "No way, there's lots of things girls can't do!"

Sophie huffed, "Name one thing a girl can't do!"

Max rolled his eyes thinking and pointed, "My Dad's in the Navy…girl's can't be in the Navy."

Sophie took a step closer, "Can too…I'm gonna be a Marine!"

Max laughed, "No way…you can't be a Marine."

Sophie stepped closer and poked a finger into his chest, "I can too!"

"I never saw no girl marines, so you can't be a Marine."

Sophie snorted, "ASSUME FATS NOT EVENT!"

"What?"

Sophie sneered with arms akimbo, "I said Assume Fats Not Event. That's what a lawyer says when you say something stupid…something that's not true."

The kid countered, "Girls can't be lawyers, either!"

"Can too!"

"Prove it!"

Sophie threw her head to the side and pointed to her chest, "That's easy…my Mama's a Lawyer and a Marine…and I'm gonna be just like her!"

Max shook his head with a grin, "No way, besides my Dad's a Lieutenant."

Sophie smirked, "Well, my Mama's a Colonel and she can order your Dad around."

Max scoffed, "No way."

Sophie nodded, "Yes way…a Colonel outranks a Lieutenant. So my Mama can tell him what to do. She even tells my Daddy what to do…and he's a Captain."

AJ looked at Harm and grinned, "Out of the mouth of babes."

Harm huffed, "Mac doesn't tell me what to do."

AJ chuckled, "Huh uh…where does Sophie get this stuff anyways?"

Harm shook his head with a grin, "I think it was from me. Mac and I were messing around in the kitchen the other night." AJ raised a knowing brow. Harm blushed and quickly amended, "Not that kind of messing around. We were bantering over who stuck their finger in an apple pie. It was Sophie!" he threw in. "Anyway, I was throwing out legal jargon to divert attention away from Sophie…before I THREW myself on the mercy of the court…and that WAS literal," Harm smirked. "Sophie overheard the statement, 'assumes facts not in evidence.' Mac had to explain what it meant, later."

AJ looked back at the kids, "Ah Harm, maybe we should intervene before this gets out of hand."

Harm walked over to the fighting pair, "Hey kids, I think that's enough. How about you shoot it out instead. Both Max and Sophie get a chance to kick a goal against the other."

Max smirked, "Good idea…I'm the goalie for my team. You don't have a chance, Girl!"

Sophie tilted her head and chimed, "We'll see."

Harm rolled his eyes at the two, "Who's first?"

"She can go first," Max threw out as he backed toward the soccer goal.

Sophie smiled, pointed at the goal and shot. "Score!!! Girl's Rule!!!"

Max shook his head, "No way…my turn." He backed up and ran at the ball, kicking it right into Sophie's waiting hands. He sighed and whined, "Ah, that didn't count."

Sophie yelled, "Yes it did!"

Harm intervened again, "Let's try something a little different. I'll drop the ball in a face off; 2 out of 3 goals wins." He threw the ball up in the air. Sophie intercepted it as soon as it hit the ground, and using fancy footwork, was around Max and in the goal in seconds. The second face off resulted in Max claiming the ball; but he was quickly out-maneuvered by Sophie, who once again quickly scored.

Max hung his head dejectedly, "Alright, I guess the girls can play too." He glanced toward Jimmy, "I get Sophie on my team; you can have Nicki and Hailey on yours."

Sophie threw her head back and grinned mischievously, "I don't wonna play anymore…come on Nicki and Hailey, let's go play Barbies." She then sauntered away from a shocked Max, swinging her hips from side-to-side. Once on the porch, she yelled back over her shoulder, "See you later, boys."

Nicki leaned over, "Do you really wanna play Barbies?"

Sophie smirked, "Heck no…I'm just showing them who's in charge. Girl's Rule!"

Charlie followed the girls a short distance behind. Jimmy called out to him, "Hey Charlie, I thought you wanted to play soccer?"

"Nah, I'm going with Sophie," was said with a look of awe-struck appreciation in his eyes.

Max yelled, "You want to play with the girls?"

Charlie grinned back, "She's my best friend…and…she beat you!"

Max kicked the ground and muttered, "Stupid girls."

Harm walked back toward AJ, "Yep, she's her mother's daughter…my looks…her brains."

xxxxx

Later that evening, Harm, Mac and AJ sat talking in the family room. Sammy quietly flipped through his picture book of 'Good Dog Carl', contentedly ensconced in his father's lap. They had enjoyed a peaceful dinner after the mayhem at the Roberts' home.

Sophie skipped into the room, with Maggie in tow, not to be left out of the goings on. "What are you doing?"

Mac looked up, "Sophie did you clean up your room?"

Sophie pouted, "No, Daddy didn't make me."

Mac quickly looked toward Harm, but he intercepted, "Don't blame it on me. You knew you were supposed to clean it up when you got home."

Mac sighed, "Sophie, we had a deal…you could watch cartoons this morning with Sammy, if you cleaned up her room when you got home from Hailey's house."

Sophie whined, "But Mama…I can't do it by myself."

Mac responded, "That's enough young lady. You made the mess; you clean it up. Now get up to your room, now."

"But Mama…"

Mac commanded back, "Sophie, I don't wanna hear another word. You wanted to wait until this evening to finish your chores. Now, what's the rule?"

Sophie sighed and rolled her eyes, "I have to live with my decisions."

Mac tried to hide a smile, "Exactly! Now what's the second rule?"

Sophie sighed again, "When Mama says something, she means it…Mama never changes her mind." Sophie cocked her head and grinned mischievously, "But Daddy does."

Harm barked back, "Sophia Elizabeth Rabb!"

She giggled, "I'm going…I'm going…but Daddy does change his mind." With one last glance to her father, she laughed and ran out of the room.

Harm glanced toward Mac, "Don't start…I'm not a pushover with her."

Mac smiled back, "Yeah, yeah…tell it someone who believes it. All she has to do is bat those eyes at you and you fold. Harm you have to follow through…I can't be the only enforcer."

Harm sighed, "I know that…and most of the time I do follow through, but Mac, sometimes our kids scare the heck out me. You should have seen Sophie this afternoon. She went head on with a boy 2 years older than her and won."

Mac looked concerned, "What do you mean, she went head on?"

Harm shook his head, "Not like that. The boy wouldn't let her play soccer, because she's a girl. Let's just say, she wiped the floor with him in wits and talent. I was proud of her; she used words and skill, not violence. I swear she's going to make a great attorney one day."

AJ grinned, "She was pretty impressive, Mac. The kid didn't know what hit him."

Harm proceeded to fill Mac in on the events of the afternoon. By the time the story was finished, Mac was wiping tears of laughter from her eyes. "That's my Bunny."

Harm smirked, "Yeah, I just have one final comment. After Sophie won the challenge, the boy wanted her to play on his team. She turned to him and told him she didn't want to play anymore then proceeded to sashay her little six into the house. She even yelled back over her shoulder that 'Girl's Rule.' He stood there looking completely dejected, and later came to me, wanting to know if Sophie could come back out and play. He had this look of total wonder and amazement on his face…you know the way Charlie looks at her, all the time. She had those boys wrapped around her little finger. I just wanna know, do they teach you females, this from birth or is it an inherited genetic thing…because us males of the species don't have a chance!"

Mac winked, "Yeah Harm, they start lessons in the newborn nursery and give advanced classes in preschool." She shook her head, "Now, why don't you go up stairs and make sure your daughter is cleaning her room."

He shook his head, "No way…not me."

"Harm!"

He sighed, "Fine! Sammy, you wanna go with Daddy to check on your sister?" Sammy looked up wide-eyed and shook his head, no. Harm smirked, "Chicken…you're just as afraid of her as I am. How about us boys sticking together?"

Sammy's eyes widened further as he pointed at this mother. "Mama."

"Fine, go see your Mama while I take care of your sister." Harm passed off Sammy before heading upstairs.

Thirty minutes later, Harm came back downstairs exhausted. "Did AJ go home?"

"Yeah, he left a few minutes ago. Did Sophie get everything done?"

He nodded, "Yeah, mission accomplished…I helped her finish."

Mac smiled, "Thanks…you really are a good Dad. I didn't mean to imply otherwise…it's just sometimes, she knows how to push your buttons."

He rolled his eyes, "I know…I can't say no to either of the females in my life." He looked around, "Where's Sammy?" Mac glanced down with her eyes. He sighed, "Mac, don't you think he's getting kinda old for that?"

Mac picked up Sammy's hand and placed a kiss on his palm. "Harm, he only nurses before bedtime, now. I told you…I want him to decide when he's ready to quit. He won't be 2 for a couple more months…most kids stop by then."

"Mac, if you let him decide, he may never quit." He smirked, "He's my son after all."

She frowned, "Harm, why are you so hung up on this?"

"Because Mac, he needs to grow-up some…toughen up a little."

Mac scooted down the sofa, "Come here, Sailor." He sighed and sat down behind her. "Harm, I'm proud that our daughter is strong and independent. That attitude is what got her through the months in the NICU. Sammy's not the same…he has a quieter, gentler spirit. He's kind…and loving…and intelligent…and strong, in his own way. I don't want to toughen him up…I want him to be who he is. He out-maneuvers his big sister on a regular basis, but he does it with intelligence and quiet strength. He's more like you than then you think. I know you can be outgoing," she grinned, "…and cocky. But in here," she touched his chest, "…where it really counts…you're kind and loving…a gentle, tender soul just like Sammy. I couldn't think of anything better than for my son to grow up to be like his father."

Harm leaned over and stroked his son's cheek then kissed his wife. "Thanks, Mac. I guess I'm just waiting for the day when I get my wife back."

Mac looked puzzled, "What do you mean back? I've not gone anywhere."

Harm continued to run his finger over Sammy cheek, "It's just that our entire married life as been about getting pregnant…staying pregnant…worrying about sick babies…or taking care of babies. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change a thing…I love my kids, but I'm looking forward to the day when you and I can get away for a night without worrying about feedings and diapers. You know, spend time just concentrating on the two of us for a day or two."

Mac reached back to caress his cheek, "I understand…we danced around each other for so long, that by the time we finally got it right…we didn't have the luxury of time to spend just being an us. We jumped from dating to engaged to impending parenthood in a manner of months. I want time for us too," she looked down at her son and smiled, "…but I don't want to rush any of these moments, either."

He lifted his hand, and placed it over hers, intertwining their fingers. "I know, sweetheart…I don't wanna miss out on these memories anymore than you." He turned his head to place a kiss on the inside of her wrist then grinned, he really did love that place on her wrist. It was soft and smooth and smelled of her unique fragrance.

At that moment, Sammy lifted his fingers to his father's lips. Harm placed a gentle kiss to the tips and smiled, "I understand, Mac…this really is a magical time when you get to bond with our children." The trio sat in the quiet peace of the fading evening light. When Sammy had fallen asleep, Harm lifted him into his arms, "I'll put him to bed, Mac." As he carried him up the stairs, the child nuzzled into the warmth of his neck, "Daddy's got you…I love you, Sammy Bear."

xxxxx

Continued in Part 16b.


	22. Chapter 16b

**Part 16b of two parts—(PLEASE NOTE: Read Part 16a first)**

Two months later, on the Fourth of July, the Roberts, Michaelsons and AJ gathered at the Rabb's house to celebrate Sammy's 2nd birthday. Everyone enjoyed a summer barbeque and fireworks, before the exhausted kids were ferried back to their respective residences.

After getting the kids to bed, Mac wandered into the master bedroom to find Harm flipping through legal files. She busied herself with preparing for bed, never uttering a word of conversation.

Noticing her quiet demeanor, Harm set aside the files to observe his wife. When she climbed into bed, he saw the tears slowly gliding down her cheeks. He pulled her into his embrace, "Hey, what's wrong? Are the kids OK?" She nodded but didn't embellish further. "Mac, did something happen?"

She picked at her nail and whispered, "Sammy doesn't need me anymore."

He turned her face toward him, "Sweetheart, what are you talking about…of course, Sammy needs you." When her eyes fell, he nodded in understanding, "Ah…he doesn't NEED you anymore. I'm sorry, sweetheart…but you expected him to come to that conclusion around now."

She sniffed, "I know…it's just that I didn't expect it to be, exactly today. When I sat down with him in the rocker, he told me he was a 'big boy' today…and he just wanted me to sing his Pooh song." As she continued to softly cry, he held her and ran his fingers through her hair. After several minutes, she began to confide, "My last baby's not a baby anymore…he's a little man. I'm gonna miss our special time together. I waited so long to have children, and they're growing up so fast."

"You can still have a special time…you just need a new nighttime activity, Mac."

She wiped her eyes, "I know…I just can't believe that Sophie's 5 and Sammy's already 2. It's seems like just yesterday, we were worrying in the NICU."

He kissed her forehead and then shifted her further into his arm, "Hey, I've got something for you…a present…two, actually. This seems like the perfect time to give them to you."

He extended his hand, in front of both of them, and opened his fingers to revel a small wrapped box. She gave a small pained smile, "Harm, it's not my birthday…it's Sammy's."

He wrapped his free arm around her tighter and squeezed, "This is in celebration of Sammy. I'm just a little late."

She swallowed and took the gift box from his hand. Gingerly, she removed the wrappings and opened the box. Immediately, tears filled her eyes again, "Oh, Harm…how did you find it?"

He smiled against her shoulder, "The same artist that made the one for David…pick it up and look closer."

She removed the gold charm from the box and studied its intricate detail. It was a miniature gold gift box, complete with an elaborate gilded bow. In the center knot of the ribbon was a small diamond. She gently fingered the delicate charm and turned it over. On the bottom, she noticed some unusual lettering. "Harm, what does this mean?"

He kissed her ear and whispered, "It's Hebrew for 'God'." He touched a small clasp on the front of the box, "Open it." As she released the small clasp, she gasped. Inside the box, was a pair of silver hands, cupped together, holding a delicate golden teddy bear. He touched the bear, "Samuel Matthew, was because 'God had heard' our secret prayers and granted our utmost desire, in the 'Gift' of our son."

She released a shuddered breath and turned in his embrace, "Thank you…it's beautiful."

He kissed her forehead, eyes, cheeks and finally her lips. "Your welcome…I love you."

"I love you, too."

He gently rocked her for several minutes until she visibly calmed. Reaching behind him, once again, he retrieved one more larger gift box. "I have one more present for you…for us, actually."

She released a shuddering chuckle, "I don't know if I can handle anymore surprises tonight."

He kissed her cheek, "It's OK…this one's something to look forward too."

She removed the gift-wrap and lid, gently lifting the tissue paper and peered into the box. "Harm, what's this about." She puzzled as she lifted the envelopes from the box.

He took each envelope in turn, "Airline tickets and reservations for Kiawah Island…the end of September. I thought we could go away for a long weekend and reconnect."

She looked back at him, "All of us?"

He shook his head, "Nope, just you and me. Sammy just made the decision easier to accept." At her look of uncertainty, he continued, "My Mom and Frank are gonna come stay with the kids…and I already put in for leave for the two of us…say yes, Mac."

"But we've never both been away from the kids at the same time…I'm not sure…"

"Sarah, the kids love Gummy and Papa…and it's only for a long weekend…4 days to be exact. We need this…like we talked about…Please?"

She smiled at his pleading 'little boy' look. "Yes…Yes Sailor, we can slip away together, for a quiet…romantic…private…weekend…just the two of us," was uttered between kisses. The earlier tears were forgotten, in the pursuit of more enjoyable activities.

xxxxx

The Friday night, 2 weeks later, Harm came home to the soulful romantic sounds of soft jazz, emanating from the stereo. He could smell the faint fragrance of citrus wafting from the kitchen. He stepped into the hallway and dropped his briefcase and cover. "Mac…kids…anyone home?"

"In here," came the seductive drawl from the kitchen.

He walked toward the inviting sounds and fragrances that threatened to overwhelm his now heightened senses. He paused in the doorway as he watched Mac sway around the kitchen, in time to the rich sensuous music. She was dressed in a light floral skirt that swirled around her calves as she moved. Her sleeveless top was made of a rich coral colored silk that highlighted the rosy glow of her cheeks. He smiled when he looked down and saw her bare feet complete with coral painted nails and a toe ring.

He glanced further around the room and noticed the table was set with crisp linens, china and crystal intermixed with candles and tropical flowers. He was roused from his daydreams by a soft whispering voice, "Hey Sailor…do intend to come in and stay for awhile?" A slight grin played at his lips, as she moved into his space. She placed a hand under his chin and tipped a spoon to his mouth, "Taste…tell me what think?" The tangy citrus sauce exploded with flavor on his tongue. As she withdrew the spoon, she leaned forward to kiss him and flicked her tongue across his lips, "Mmmm…tastes good, doesn't it." She danced away from his grasp before he could pull her in, her eyes twinkling with amusement.

He swallowed hard, "Ah Mac…where are the kids?"

She laughed, waving a hand, "Gone."

His eyes widened, "Ah, gone where?"

She grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the counter. "Bradley took them for the night. Charlie wanted a sleep-over." She handed him a glass with a cool fruit drink concoction.

His mouth hung open, "Both of them…even Sammy?"

She winked and laughed, "Yes, Harm…even Sammy. Charlie wanted to play big brother tonight. I thought this would be a perfect test run for a night without the kids." She kissed him quickly on the lips.

His eyes grew wider, "So, it's just you and me?"

She moved past him, dragging a hand over his chest, "You're a little slow on the uptake tonight, Sailor. I thought we could enjoy a romantic evening of cooking, eating…and other things." She grinned again, "It's been a while."

His mind was starting to kick into gear with images of the evening's potential activities. He waggled his brow, "What's on the menu."

"Think tropical," she smiled back, "…but first you need to get out of that uniform. I set your evening's attire on the bed."

He smirked, "You're picking out my clothes, now?"

She moved past again, whispering in his ear, "I planned the evening…I get to pick the attire. Now get moving."

He kissed her cheek and then pulled back, "Yes, ma'am…be back in a minute. Don't start without me…better yet, you could come with me."

She pulled away from his grasp, "Nuh uh, dessert is for later."

He disappeared up the stairs, shaking his head. On the way home, he'd been hoping for a relaxing weekend, but in his wildest imagination, he'd never dreamed up this scenario. He stripped and jumped into the shower. Toweling dry, he started into the bedroom to get dressed, but quickly reversed direction back to the master bath. Mac had gone out of her way to plan a romantic evening; the least he could do was play up his part as well. He quickly shaved and applied cologne and aftershave. He smiled, it was Mac's favorite scent; he could play the role of tempter just as well as his wife. He looked at the clothes laid out on the bed. Tonight was definitely casual, island attire.

He descended the stairs and sauntered back into the kitchen, Mac's eyes widened in appreciation. He was dressed in natural linen knee-length shorts and a steel blue loose-woven silk sweater. His hair was still damp and tousled from the shower and he also sported bare feet. She circled him slowly, nodding approval, "Looking good, Navy."

He smiled, "I don't seem to remember these particular garments being a part of my wardrobe, Marine."

She stroked her hand down his back, his muscles rippling under her touch, "Ummm, soft. I had an early day today…I went shopping for some clothes for our weekend getaway. I knew you would look good in this sweater…the color brings out the blue in your eyes." She caressed his face and leaned up to place a kiss on his cheek."

He pulled her into his embrace and nibbled back on her lips, "You look pretty amazing yourself."

She grabbed his hand and spun away, "Come with me…we have food to prepare."

He grinned, "Yes, ma'am…what's on the menu?" She tipped a glass to his lips before taking a drink herself. His eyes widened at the taste, "Mmmm, that's good…what is it?"

"The menu tonight is tropical island cuisine…fish…citrus. The drink is a combination of sweet oranges, lemons, simple syrup and a pina colada coconut mix." She pulled him to the counter, "We'll start with a salad of baby greens, toasted coconut, fresh pineapple, and almonds, tossed in a citrus vinaigrette and topped with lemon herbed marinated shrimp and goat cheese." She offered him a marinated shrimp. He grasped her hand taking the shrimp from her with his mouth and sucking the citrus marinated from her fingers.

She smiled and pulled him toward the cook top, "Moving on…we're have grilled sea bass with a citrus sauce…toasted orzo with coconut and almonds…and for dessert…" she opened the refrigerator door and withdrew a covered glass dish. She lifted the cover to expose a rich decadent treat, "Coconut Macadamia Nut Torte with a White Chocolate Mousse Filling." He inhaled the tantalizing mixture of smells, from nuts to chocolate to toasted coconut, and reached down to drag his finger through the luscious creamy topping. She pulled the dish back from his reach, "I don't think so, Mister. I seem to remember a similar event a month or two ago…no fingerprints in my dessert."

He grinned, and pulling her into his embrace, leaned down to kiss her passionately. While he had her attention diverted to more enjoyable endeavors, he reached out to the dessert plate and snagged a large dollop of the creamy mousse topping. As he pulled back, he licked the cream from the tip of his finger, "Mmmm…delicious."

Mac stood with mouth agape, "Harm…I can't believe you just did that!"

He smirked and grabbed another finger-full of topping. "Mac, as I recall…last time I was found guilty of a crime I didn't commit. I figure you owe me one indiscretion." He extended his cream covered finger to her mouth, "Here…live dangerously."

Her eyes twinkled as she engulfed his finger in her mouth and swirled her tongue over the surface. His eyes dilated as a blush rose to his cheeks. "You're right, Harm…I should live dangerously."

He gulped, "Maybe we should put the dessert away for now…concentrate on dinner," he breathed in and out deeply, "…otherwise we may never get around to the food."

She giggled, "You are so busted, Flyboy. Come on…why don't you start on the orzo while I cut up the ingredients for the salad."

They moved gracefully around the kitchen; slicing, sautéing and grilling was intermixed with tastes, caresses and kisses. Final flourishes of grated lemon peel, toasted nuts and coconut were added before they sat down to enjoy a slow casually-elegant dinner. He chuckled at the apropos oxymoron; here they sat in linen, silk and bare feet enjoying a tropical feast over china, crystal, candles and flowers. The conversation was decidedly adult, the topics of work and children, banished for the night. Dessert was shared by the spoonful, before they retired for the night, leaving the less pleasurable task of clean up for the morning after.

In the early morning hours, Mac reached out to find Harm's side of the bed cold and empty. She wrapped herself in the silk robe, at the foot of the bed, and went in search of her missing husband. Passes through the bathroom, kitchen and family room failed to reveal her lost mate. Just as she was about to return to the master bedroom, she heard a faint sound coming from Sammy's room. She quietly entered the room and found Harm rocking in the chair, illuminated only by the moonlight dancing through the windows. He was gently stroking Sammy's teddy bear. She approached cautiously so as not to startle him and reached out to run her fingers lightly through his hair. "Harm, sweetheart…are you OK? What are you doing in here?"

He said nothing for several minutes, before responding in a whisper, "I miss them…I never imagined I could miss them this much in just one night."

She walked around to the front of him to caress his cheek, and he pulled her into his lap. He buried his face in her neck and she felt the faint wetness of a tear. She kissed his cheek as her fingers continued to play in the hair at the back of his neck. "Hey, it's OK…I miss them too. How are we ever going to survive a weekend away from them?"

He sighed, "I don't know. I wasn't prepared to be away from them tonight. Maybe it will be better, if we plan ahead."

They sat in silence for several minutes more, before she rose from his lap and gave a tug to his hand. "Come on Daddy…it's time to go back to bed. They'll be home soon."

xxxxx

Over the next month, the Rabbs moved on to achieve bigger and better milestones. Sammy decided he was a big boy and no longer wanted baby things, including diapers. The problem arose when he refused to use the training potty. He reasoned, 'that the powtty chaiwr was for girwls' and he wanted to 'stwand up at da big powtty wike Daddee.' After several misses, messes and disasters, Harm came up with a battle plan to assist his miniature sailor in the success of his mission. Placing a step in front of the toilet was solution #1, solution #2 involved tossing a few Cheerios into the toilet water and telling Sammy to 'aim and shoot to sink' the target. Sammy had great fun with the new game and after several days became an expert marksman. Sophie had never been that easy to train.

The next milestone, that came to pass, was Sophie's first day of kindergarten. The Rabb kids had always enjoyed daycare at the Roberts' home. The need to leave the pack and attend school solo was a scary endeavor, for the parents. Sophie, on the other hand, reveled in her chance at independence. She'd thrived in her summer soccer league, enlarging her circle of acquaintances and making new friends. Her only compliant, with school, was that Charlie couldn't attend with her. She thrilled to the idea of new clothes, shoes, backpack, school supplies and any other fashion or education related accoutrement, she could con her Mama into…Daddy was an even easier sale. The first day of school resulted in smiles and tears…the first from Sophie, the later from Mama and Daddy…their baby was growing up.

xxxxx

The last weekend in September, Harm and Mac left for their private weekend retreat on Kiawah Island. Sammy and Sophie were thrilled with the idea of spending a few days being indulged and spoiled by Gummy Trish and Papa Frank. Harm and Mac, on the other hand, both tried to hide tears all the way to the airport. Once they arrived on the island, frequent phone calls home were intermixed with island activities. The weather in late September was perfect, temperatures only reached the low 70's to 80's, and the fall humidity was pleasantly tolerable. As per their prior visit, they once again enjoyed golf, cycling, dining out and walks on the beach.

On their final night, they packed a picnic basket full of gourmet treats and headed out to enjoy dinner on the beach. At dusk, they walked hand in hand, through the surf, as the setting sun put on a dazzling display of artwork in warm hues of purples and pinks. There was a pleasant ocean breeze that kept the waves rolling onto the shore. As the wind picked up, Mac dropped his hand to reign in her wayward skirt.

He stood, a few feet away, watching her dance through the surf in the fading evening light. She was wearing a lightweight flowing sundress that swirled around her legs in the breeze. She had sandals in one hand and alternated the second between grasping her dress and brushing the hair from her face. He smiled as she retrieved yet another conch shell for the kids. She was breathtaking in the dim light of the setting sun; a vision as best described by Byron. He stood transfixed and began to quietly recite the poetic words to the wind, as if it alone were his only audience.

_She walks in beauty, like the night_

_Of cloudless climes and starry skies;_

_And of all that's best of dark and bright_

_Meet in her aspect and her eyes._

Mac paused to look back at her husband and smiled, "Is that poetry I hear you quoting…because in all my dreams, I never imagined Harmon Rabb quoting poetry."

He blushed at being caught and grabbed her hand to pull her back to the blanket. Once he had her settled back against his chest, he smiled into her ear, "It's Lord Byron…I haven't thought about that passage in years. After my ramp strike, Gram spent weeks, at my bedside in the hospital, reading poetry to help me relax. Once I retreated to the farm to recuperate, there wasn't a lot I could do. I was still recovering from my injuries and couldn't help out with the farm. Gram was never much for television, so we spent a lot of time reading and talking. Poetry turned out to be a way to escape, along with refurbishing Sarah. I pretty much forgot about it after I'd recovered and faced the review board. A couple of years later, a law school professor got me started again."

She turned back to look at him with a puzzled expression, "Law school…what does law school have to do with poetry. I know it wasn't a required course at Duke."

He shifted back to recline on his side so he could look into her face. Reaching up, he brushed a lock of hair behind her ear, "He thought it would help with my confidence and presentation before the jury. I was always outgoing and cocky as a pilot, but engineering and aeronautical courses hardly prepare you to present a closing argument. I had to switch gears in order to present a passionate oratory to sway a jury. The professor swore that quoting poetry helped in the presentation. Which passage, I chose to recite would depend upon the case. If it was based on facts alone and I wanted to sway the jury to convict, I would use dramatic or military passages, such as Shakespeare's '_Julius Cesar_' or '_Macbeth_' or Dante's '_Inferno_'. If I wanted to sway them with an emotional appeal then I would use poetry," he slyly grinned, "…love poems mostly."

She squinted back, "Love poems, huh? I never took you for a love poem kinda guy; although, you were the master at passionate appeals in the courtroom. Your closing arguments sometimes swayed me…even when I was the opposing counsel." She shook her head, "Poetry…I'll have to remember that one." She paused to study him further, "So did you ever recite poetry to any of your past loves?"

He grew serious, "Only one…and it was a long time ago."

He watched her visibly deflate as she whispered, "Diane?"

He took her hand, "No Mac, not Diane…our relationship never came close to that level of intimacy."

"Then who?"

He kissed her wrist, "You…only with you, Sarah."

She looked back stunned, "Me? Harm, I know there were times when I appeared to be deaf, dumb or blind when it came to you…or times when it seemed, we spoke different languages. But for the life of me, I don't remember any poetry flowing from those beautiful lips."

He continued in quiet voice as if sharing a secret with the wind, "I did it for years in my most private thoughts and secret dreams. At first, it was when I went up against you in court…you know, to get an edge. But eventually, it happened in my best dreams and quiet reflections…just between you and me. I couldn't admit it to you, anymore than I could admit my love. I came close a few times, but I always reigned myself in and found control at the last minute. I finally stopped indulging in that particular illusion, all together, about 7 or 8 years ago," he continued on in a barely audible whisper, "…when I gave up hope…after…"

She looked down into his sad face and finished his thought, "Paraguay."

He nodded, "Yeah…I never recited poetry again after experiencing that soul-killing debacle. I thought I'd lost you for good that time, I didn't see the point of the indulgence anymore." He looked back into her face and startled, as if noticing her for the first time, "I'm sorry, Mac. I don't know where all that came from…I thought I'd buried it and moved on."

She tilted her head and studied him carefully. "Harm, do you think you might ever be persuaded to recite poetry again…to me…seeing as I was never privy to the gifts of your talent the first time around?"

He looked away, "I don't know, Mac. It's been years…I don't know if I remember anymore. Besides, it's one thing to share in your dreams…it's quite another to…I just don't know."

She stroked his cheek, "I understand being unsure…afraid. I suppose it's kind of like bearing your soul…but we share everything else with each other? While I know it's not exactly the same, I think it's similar to my painting…when I painted the kid's rooms, especially Sammy's…I was trying to express my hopes and dreams for them. Does that make sense?"

"I guess…I still don't think I can," he shook his head, "…I mean, I'm not sure I remember most of them anymore."

She stared out at the ocean and replied in a melancholy tone, "You remembered Byron just fine…maybe I'm not the inspiration I used to be."

He sat up quickly and pulled her into his arms, "No sweetheart…that's not it at all. I'm not sure I could make you understand the depths…I don't know how to explain it." He paused a moment, "It's one thing to perform before a jury…it quite another to make a fool of yourself before the woman you love."

She looked back puzzled, "Why would you say that? I could never think of you as foolish. Who better to let go with…to bare your soul to…than the one person who loves you most?"

He kissed her ear before whispering, "Your right…you've always been my strongest supporter and fiercest guardian," he grinned, "…but that still doesn't mean I remember any poetry."

She raised her brow in challenge, "You were doing a pretty good job with Byron a moment ago; maybe you could start there."

He shook his head, "No, if I'm gonna recite a passage of poetry to you, it shouldn't be one that's over used and misquoted…it should be special. I don't want Shakespeare's sonnets or the '_Sonnets From the Portuguese_', not that they aren't beautiful words…I want it to be something with a special meaning."

She frowned, "Are you saying that Elizabeth Barrett Browning's, _'Sonnet From the Portuguese'_, doesn't have a special meaning?"

"No…it's just that, I'm not sure I can do justice to the words," he shook his head and sighed, "…or rather, I'm not sure that I can make the words do justice to the depth of my feelings for you."

She blinked at the tears in her eyes, "I understand what you're trying to say, and I love you too."

They sat in silence enjoying the stars, the wind, the sounds, the fragrances and each other. Finally he pointed toward the sky, "Pick a star and make a wish."

She shook her head, "No."

He leaned forward to look into her eyes, "What do you mean, no? You don't want to pick a star…or you don't want to make a wish?"

She whispered, "No, I don't NEED to pick a star or make wish…I already have everything I could ever want."

He kissed her cheek and repeated in kind, "I understand what you're saying, and I love you too." He extended his hand and revealed a small delicate box. Opening the now familiar gift, she gazed at the unique design of the gold charm. Its body was composed of two interlinking golden hearts, open at their centers, but joined intimately at their sides. Suspended between the hearts, at their joining, were three small diamonds.

"What does it mean?"

He wiped her tears and explained, "It's an expression of our love…one soul joined in two hearts. The three jewels represent the most exquisite outward testament of our love…Sophie…David…and Sammy."

She buried her face in his neck and began to cry. He gently rocked her in his arms until the tears lessened, then placing his lips against her forehead in a gossamer touch as light as butterfly wings, he began to recite.

_I loved you first: but afterwards your love,_

_Outsoaring mine, sang such a loftier song_

_As drowned the friendly cooings of my dove._

_Which owes the other most? My love was long,_

_And yours one moment seemed to wax more strong;_

_I loved and guessed at you, you construed me_

_And loved me for what might or might not be—_

_Nay, weights and measures do us both a wrong._

_For verily love knows not 'mine' or 'thine';_

_With separate 'I' and 'thou' free love has done,_

_For one is both and both are one in love:_

_Rich love knows nought of 'thine that is not mine';_

_Both have the strength and both the length thereof,_

_Both of us, of the love which makes us one._

xxxxx

_**AN:** Poetry_

_George Gordon Byron (Lord Byron, 1788-1824); (She walks in Beauty)._

_Christina Rossetti (1830-1894); Monna Innominata, Sonnet #4 (I loved you first.)_


	23. Chapter 17a

_**AN:** Please read to the end before you throw stones!!! Thanks for the wonderful reviews. We're drawing to the end of this tale, only 3 more parts left._

**Part 17a of two parts**

02:00

Sunday, May 21st, 2006

Rabb House

Harm turned on his side, kicking the blankets to the foot of the bed. He pounded a fist into his pillow trying to find a more comfortable position, as he muttered in his sleep, "I'm sorry Mac, but I already promised Bradley."

xxxxx

Harm's dreams moved forward to the fall of 2013. The Rabb family was happily thriving. Sophie, at age 7, had just started the 2nd grade and loved everything about school. She was bright, engaging and well behaved, well at school anyways. At home she was equally energetic and verbose; although at times, she tested both of her parent's patience. Sammy, for his part, remained ever the quiet and patient child. At the age of 4, he was often overshadowed by his big sister, although if necessary, he could hold his own in a battle of wits. They continued to be exact opposites, an ever-present contrast in the MacKenzie-Rabb personality traits.

The first Saturday in October, Harm hurried through the house collecting his gear. He'd planned to pick-up Bradley for a day of flying in Blacksburg. Problem was, he'd forgotten to tell Mac about his plans. Of course, he refused to admit to that little omission, when Mac presented a list of chores and activities the family was to have accomplished that weekend. When the topic of Saturday's activities had come up the day before, he'd simply thrown out that Mac must have forgotten about the plans with Bradley. They'd argued about details throughout the evening and had both gone to bed angry.

As he grabbed his leather flight jacket, he leaned in to give Mac a quick kiss goodbye. She diverted her head, causing him to miss his intended target. "Mac, are you gonna stay mad me all weekend? Look I'll be home by early evening…we can do whatever you want tomorrow, but I'm not canceling on Bradley today. We don't have that many nice days left this year to take Sarah up."

"Harm, you promised the kids we could all go to the country today. We were supposed to pick apples…take a hayride…is any of this sounding familiar?"

"We'll take them tomorrow. I don't see what the big deal is…they're perfectly happy to wait…I already talked to them."

She shook her head and sighed, "Fine, do whatever you want…you're going to anyways."

As she started to walk away, he reached for her arm, "Hey, aren't you gonna wish me good luck and give me a kiss? I don't want us to spend the whole day being angry with one another."

She pulled away, "Harm, you made your choice. Go…have fun…I'll see you when you get home."

He stared at her for several seconds before responding back in a perturbed tone, "Fine, I will…but do you remember the last time you refused to wish me luck? Things didn't go so well then."

She rolled her eyes, "That's a low blow, Harm. Now, I need to go check on the kids…I guess we'll have to find something else to do today. Let me know when you can work us into your schedule."

He opened the garage door and yelled back over his shoulder, "Yeah, I'll do that…and love you, too!"

Over the next hour, Mac went from fuming and talking to herself, to slowly gaining perspective. It was just one day, what was the big deal. They could always go out with the kids tomorrow. She looked out the window and noticed a few more clouds in the sky. The weather forecast was for a perfect cool clear fall day; surely the presence of a few clouds didn't mean anything bad. She glanced at the clock; Harm and Bradley should be stopping for breakfast just about now. She waged a war with herself and finally gave in. Grabbing the phone, she dialed his cell and was immediately forwarded to voice mail. She sighed and hung up, reasoning he must have been out of range. She waited another 20 minutes and tried again, but was immediately forwarded a second time. This time she left a message, "Hey Flyboy, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I hope you and Bradley have a great time flying today. I love you and good luck. I'll see you when you get home."

She and the kids spent the next couple of hours cleaning the house and watching cartoons. By 11:00, she could no longer ignore the worsening weather conditions. The television ran a continuous banner, warning of a rapidly approaching storm front. The sky was now dark gray with angry looking black clouds, and the first of the raindrops were already pounding against the windows. She paced the living room; surely he wouldn't try to fly in this weather. She'd tried his cell phone multiple times, but was never able to get beyond the recorded message. She didn't know if that meant continued poor reception or if he'd turned the thing off to avoid her calls. She'd even tried the airfield in Blacksburg, but no one had seen the pair of Navy boys yet that day.

She clutched at her chest, no longer able quell the sense of unease that had arisen in the last hour. At first she reasoned with herself, 'I'm sure he'd call if something was wrong,' then she argued with his imagined form, 'Come on Harm…call back…I need to know you're OK. Please, pick up the phone, Flyboy. I'm gonna kick your six into the next world, right after I kiss you senseless.' Finally, she bargained with God, 'Please let him be OK. I promise I'll never let him leave the house again without wishing him luck and telling him I love him.'

By 14:00, when she heard the knock at the door, she closed her eyes to blink back the tears at the impending sense of doom. She slowly opened the front door to find the Admiral on the other side. She flashed a pained smile, "AJ, what a nice surprise. I wasn't expecting you…I know the kids will be thrilled." AJ stared into her eyes with a solemn expression, and in that moment, she knew their lives would never be the same. She cried out, "No…tell me he's OK. Please, tell me he's OK."

AJ stepped across the threshold and pulled her crumbling form into his arms. "Mac, the police called from Blacksburg. They contacted Bud and Harriet when they found the next-of-kin contact card in Bradley's wallet."

She cried into his chest, "No, they're OK. They have to be…they just went flying. He promised to be home for dinner. It's all my fault…I didn't wish him good luck."

AJ rubbed a hand up and down her back, "Sssh…you don't want the kids to hear you. Calm down and listen for a minute…they never made it to the airfield. They didn't take the plane up."

She pulled back stunned, "They weren't flying? They didn't crash?"

He didn't know how to tell her, "Mac, honey…no, they weren't in the plane." At her flash of relief, he paused hating to continue, "Maybe we should sit down."

She quickly sobered again when his words of encouragement ceased, "AJ, what aren't you telling me. If they weren't flying then what happened?"

He directed her to the sofa and sat down beside her. Picking up her hand, he continued, "Apparently they had a flat tire just outside Blacksburg. Harm got out to change to the spare…it had already started to rain, so Bradley stayed in the car." He paused a moment to consider how to phrase the next few thoughts, "Ah, a car came along behind them…in the bad weather, the driver didn't notice Harm's SUV off to the side of the road." He watched her eyes widen in horror, "The ah…the car veered off the road and hit the SUV. Bradley's in the hospital with a broken arm, cuts and abrasions…he's unconscious, but they don't think there's a serious brain injury."

She stared him at him with tears trailing down her cheeks, "What about Harm?"

AJ pulled her back into his arms, "He didn't make it, Mac…the car hit him dead on…he didn't have a chance."

She began to sob uncontrollably, "No…no…no…he can't be dead. I didn't wish him good luck. I didn't tell him I loved him. Our last words to each other were in anger…he can't be gone."

Finally noticing the loud sounds coming from the living room, Sophie and Sammy came running in to check out the commotion. AJ was able to stop them at the door before they could see their mother's face. "Hey kids…why don't you wait right there. I'm just talking to your Mommy for a minute and then I'll come play with you."

Sophie noticed her mothers violent shaking despite the suppression of the audible cries. "But Papa AJ, what's wrong with…"

AJ shook his head and motioned with eyes, "Hey Sophie, why don't you get Sammy something to drink…I'll be right behind you. Go on now." Sophie grabbed Sammy's hand and headed back toward the kitchen.

AJ glanced back at the emotional woman in his arms. 'Why did fate have to be so cruel…hadn't this couple been through enough for three lifetimes?' He cupped her cheek with his hand, "Mac honey, Harriet will be over to pick up the kids in a little while. I don't think we should say anything to them just yet…we can tell them Harm had car trouble and we need to go pick him up. Once the kids are gone, you and I can drive up to Blacksburg…you need to identify the bod…ah, Harm." She broke down again at the mention of Harm's body. He pulled her back against him and rocked her in his arms, "I'm so sorry, Mac…I can't begin to imagine how you feel."

She whispered, "It's my fault…if only I'd wished him good luck."

"No," he soothed, "…it's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault…and he knew you loved him, he wouldn't have doubted that for a moment. Now, why don't you go upstairs and pull yourself together before we talk to the kids. I don't wanna scare them."

She nodded and slowly rose from the couch. Just before she got to the front hall, she turned back, "Thanks for coming, AJ." She released a shuddering breath, "I'll be back down in a few minutes."

She climbed the stairs and walked into the master bedroom. She paused immediately at the sight of the unmade bed…their bed. Instead of fighting last night, they should have been making love. She took a deep breath only to rapidly exhale when she was inundated by the smell of him. He was everywhere…how would she ever survive without him.

She walked quickly toward the master bathroom to get away from the overwhelming memories and emotions evoked by their bed. Passing into the bathroom, she stumbled into the door, knocking down a robe…his robe. She slowly picked it up and ran a hand across the soft woven surface…he'd been wearing it only a few hours ago. She placed it back on the hook, so he'd know where to find it when he got home…then closed her eyes against the tears; he wasn't coming home…ever.

She leaned over the sink and splashed cold water on her face to calm her emotions. She rubbed a hand against her temple trying unsuccessfully to quell the beginnings of a headache. Reaching into the medicine cabinet to retrieve some aspirin, she instead picked up his razor and stared at the implement. He'd had this particular razor for years. It had been a gift from his mother when he'd entered the Academy. Despite her best efforts to get him to use a new one, he'd insisted on using the old single blade instrument, almost as if it had been a right of passage into the navy…a link to his past. She hadn't understood his devotion to the old relic, but now as she stared at its silver surface…she closed her eyes and imagined him running the blade over his cheeks. This old razor had spent more time caressing his skin than her fingers or her hands…or her lips.

She looked up into the mirror shocked at her appearance then threw the razor onto the counter. 'How dare he leave her and the kids, didn't he know they needed him. He'd promised to always be there…and he'd never broken a promise until NOW!' She glared at bottles of his toiletry products and shaving accessories; with one angry swipe of her arm, they hit the floor and scattered in all directions. His bottle of cologne shattered against the marble tile. She was once again thrown into an avalanche of flashing memories at the spicy smell of the fragrance. She fell to her knees and began cleaning up the mess. She needed to restore the bottles to their rightful place on the counter, as if by doing so, she could restore him to his rightful place in her bed, in her arms…in her life. She muttered as she cleaned up the glass, "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it. Please come back…I need you. I promise I'll never get angry again, just please come home."

Harriet found her sitting on the floor, her clothes reeking of his cologne. She gently brushed the hair away from Mac's face and her heart broke at the devastated and empty countenance of her best friend. She kneeled down next to Mac and took the shattered remains of the cologne bottle from her hands. She tugged at her hand, "Come on, sweetheart…we need to get you into some clean clothes. AJ's waiting for you downstairs and the kids want to say goodbye."

Mac stared straight ahead unseeing and whispered, "I need to clean up the mess. I didn't mean to break the bottle. Everything needs to be in its proper place when he comes home." She reached forward and picked up his razor; it had broken in two on impact. "Oh no…he'll never forgive me. What am I going to do…it's irreplaceable."

Harriet took the razor from her fingers, "It's OK, Mac…it doesn't matter."

Mac glared at her friend, "Yes, it does! It's his favorite…he won't use anything else. What have I done?"

Harriet wrapped an arm around her and pulled her to her feet. Slowing propelling her to the closet, Harriet grabbed a small suitcase from the floor. "Sweetie, why don't you change clothes and I'll pack an overnight bag for you. AJ can bring you to our house after…well later, you and the kids can spend the night with us. I don't think you should be alone." She scurried between the closet, dresser and bathroom packing the necessary items. When she returned to the closet, she found Mac sitting on the floor dressed in jeans and one of Harm's old Navy sweatshirts. She was clutching her chest and gasping. Harriet knelt down in panic, "Mac, are you alright?"

Mac continued to rub her chest over her heart, "He's not gone. I can still feel him, here. He's calling to me."

Harriet released a worried sigh, "Oh boy…maybe I better go get the Admiral." She patted Mac's shoulder, "Stay right there, sweetie. We'll be right back."

When AJ came in a moment later, he found her rocking to and fro, chanting, "I'm right here, Harm. I'm coming…hold on Sailor, I'll be there soon."

AJ gently touched her face, "Mac, honey…are you OK?" When she failed to respond, he continued on with apprehension, "We need to get going. I already sent Harriet on home with the kids. I hope that's OK; I didn't think they needed to see you like this."

She stared into his face and blinked rapidly, "What did you say?"

"We need to get going…Blacksburg's a long drive."

She nodded and began to rise from the floor at the offer of his hand. "AJ, he's still alive. I know it; I can still feel him."

AJ placed an arm around her waist to guide her through the bedroom, "Listen honey…I know you wanna believe that, but the police checked his identification."

"NO! You have to believe me. I can still feel him, here," she pointed to her heart. "If he were gone, I would feel empty…dead, but I don't. I can feel him calling to me, like when he went down at sea. I need to get to him."

"Sarah…"

"NO! I won't believe it until I see for myself!"

xxxxx

The ride to Blacksburg was a quiet one. The weather had only marginally improved, making the roads still slick and treacherous. Mac shivered in the cool fall air despite the heavy sweatshirt. She watched unseeing out the window as the landscape flew by and periodically whispered, "I'm coming, sweetheart…just hold on."

By the time they pulled into the hospital parking lot, AJ was really concerned about Mac's state of mind. He helped her from the car and ushered her into the Emergency Department. They were directed to the morgue area of the hospital. AJ did most of the talking while Mac barely noticed her surroundings. She continued to massage her chest over her heart; it was as if she felt an actual physical pain.

They were directed to a family waiting room outside the viewing area. He helped Mac settle into one of the stiff chairs before handing her a bag of personal effects. She slowly untied the cinched string at the top of the bag and withdrew the contents. She gasped at the sight of the leather flight jacket and buried her face in the fur at the collar. Tears once again flowed down her cheeks as she repeated, "No, it can't be him…I still feel him…he has to be alive."

AJ knelt beside her chair and ran his hand in a circular pattern over her back. He blinked back his own tears as he spoke, "Honey, you knew this is what you'd find. They'd already ID'ed him from his driver's license. I know this is hard to accept, but when two people love each other like you and Harm did, I'm not sure that connection ever goes away…even in death. He'll always be with you in your heart and soul."

She looked up panicked, "Where's his phone?"

AJ shook his head in question, "I don't know, Mac. Why do you need his phone?"

She began a furious hunt through the bag, his coat pocket, anywhere to find the phone. His wallet fell from the breast pocket of the flight jacket and landed open on the table. She picked it up and stroked the picture of she and Harm. It had been taken for their engagement announcement. Actually, it wasn't the official picture, but the one they had loved the most. They were dressed casually in jeans and white cotton oxfords. The photographer had caught them unawares, staring at each other with a look of total devotion. Her breath caught at the thought of him never looking at her in that way again. As she flipped to the next photograph she closed her eyes against the pain. Sophie and Sammy…their children would grow up without their father. Why was it destined that the Rabb children should grow up without their Daddy's love and support, throughout their lives?

She pushed away the wallet and again searched for the phone. She had to know. Finally locating it in a side pocket, she flipped it open and noticed the low signal. He'd left it on; he wasn't avoiding her calls. She paged through the voice mail and found her message had never been retrieved. She chewed on her bottom lip and wiped away the tears. "He didn't know," she whispered.

AJ frowned, "He didn't know what, honey?"

She held up the phone, "He didn't get my message. He didn't know I apologized and wished him luck…and told him I loved him."

AJ took her into his arms, "He knew, sweetheart…he knew. I promise you, he knew."

They were interrupted by a grief counselor knocking at the waiting room door. "We have the body ready for your viewing." She gestured toward the door, "If you'll just follow me, I'll take you next door."

AJ helped Mac up from the table and supported her movements into the next room. As they entered the room, he and the counselor held back while Mac approached the body. Her eyes widened as she gasped, "This isn't my husband."

The counselor moved to her side, "I understand this is very difficult, but your husband suffered quite a bit of trauma. I'm sure that makes it difficult…"

Mac cut her off and pointed toward the body, "No, that is not my husband. I don't know how you made the identification; but that man isn't Harmon Rabb…he's Bradley Michaelson. I know my husband."

AJ slowly approached, "Mac, I know Harm and Bradley look similar enough to be brothers, maybe…"

"AJ, aside from me recognizing my husband's face…that man has brown eyes."

AJ walked closer, observing the man in more detail, "You're right, Mac…that is Bradley Michaelson."

The counselor interjected once more, "Are you sure…I don't want to make a second mistake?"

Mac closed her eyes, as the spectrum of emotions she'd experienced that day, threatened to overwhelm her. "Yes, I can tell you with 100 certainty that is not my husband." She wiped away tears as they fell in every emotional hue imaginable, sadness, joy, relief, laughter…Harm was alive! She turned back to the counselor, "My husband has the most extraordinary beautiful eyes. They change colors with his moods and emotions. When he's upset they're the same color of gray as a storm tossed sea. When he's overjoyed, they're a beautiful blue-green the color of the sky as it meets the ocean just before dusk. When he's passionate, they go from green to charcoal black…but never, ever are they plain ordinary brown." She brushed a finger lightly across Bradley's cheek and winced when she thought of Charlie…poor Charlie, he'd now lost his entire family. She needed to get out this room. Walking toward the door, she begged, "Please help me find my husband?"

The counselor followed, "Of course, right this way. I'm so sorry for the mix-up. I can't imagine what you and your family have been through today."

Mac smiled back, "Don't worry about it. I knew he wasn't gone," she glanced toward AJ. "I just really need to see him with my own eyes, and touch him, and tell him I love him. Please, can we hurry?"

xxxxx

The pair was directed to the ICU, where Harm had been admitted. It had taken some time, to sort through all the logistics and paperwork, to raise Harmon Rabb back to the land of the living. Mac paced nervously outside the ICU; the doctor had wanted to speak with them, before they were allowed to visit. She couldn't wait to set eyes on her sailor once again.

They were approached by a middle-aged gentleman, "Hello, I'm Dr. Rodriguez. I've been taking care of your husband since his admission. We're just correcting all the paperwork…I'm not sure I've ever had a patient rise from the dead before, but I'm thrilled to give that kind of news."

Mac returned a slight smile, "I'm Sarah Rabb and this AJ Chegwidden. How's my husband…I really would like to see him?"

"His vital signs are stable. He fractured both bones in the lower arm, so his left arm is in a cast. He also fractured 2 ribs on the same side. He has multiple bruises and lacerations; we had to suture two places on his face." Mac's eyes widened at that comment. "Don't worry," the doctor pointed to the areas, "…one on his left forehead near the hairline and one just to the side of the left eye. They are both in places that should heal nicely without noticeable scars. He's breathing on his own and his cardiac status is normal."

Mac frowned pensively, "What aren't you telling me?"

The doctor nodded and sighed, "He hasn't regained consciousness yet. He was unresponsive when the paramedics arrived on the scene. In the ER we performed a skull series and a head CT…the good news is both look normal. The only explanation I have for the lack of his conscious state is a concussion. There's no obvious head trauma, though. We'll just have to give him some time…if he doesn't rouse in the next 24 hours, we'll perform another scan."

Mac nodded, as tears appeared in her eyes, "I understand…can we see him, now?"

The doctor smiled and extended his hand toward the door to the ICU, "Of course, if you'll both follow me…I'll take you to see him."

AJ extended his arm and Mac hooked her hand through. With a gentle pat, he winked at her, "Let's go see that husband of yours. I've got a bone to pick with him, for worrying us all like this."

Mac grinned, "Thanks, AJ."

They entered the quiet room and Mac walked over to the bed. She leaned over Harm and ran her fingers through his hair. When she began cry at the sight of his bruised face, AJ placed an arm around her shoulders and squeezed in support. She bit her lip and whispered, "It's him…it's really him. I told you he was still alive. I knew he hadn't left us."

AJ place a kiss on the top of her head, "Yes, you did…I should've known not to doubt this thing…connection…whatever it is, between the two of you. I'm so happy and relieved for you and the kids."

Mac looked up with concern, "The kids, Bud, Harriet…we have to let them know."

AJ nodded, "I'll take care of it. You just stay here with Harm."

As AJ left the room, Mac sat down in the bedside chair and took Harm's hand in hers. "Hey Sailor, you gave us all quite a scare today. You need to wake up and give us some answers. Like, why was Bradley wearing your coat, and why didn't you answer my calls, and…." She stoked his arm, as she began to cry again in earnest, "Never mind all that now, you just need to wake up and talk to me. I'm so glad that you're alive," she wiped away the tears and inhaled a deep shuddering breath, "…and I'm so sorry about this morning, sweetheart. I promise to tell you that I love you, everyday for the rest of our lives. Just please wake up."

AJ found them that way, 20 minutes later, when he returned. He squatted next to the chair, "Mac, I talked to Harriet. Everyone's relieved that Harm's going to be alright, but Bradley's parents are headed to their house this evening. They don't know about Bradley's death yet, neither does Charlie. I think they're going to need some help dealing with the situation. I'm going to head back home tonight and offer my assistance with the kids, Bradley's folks, whatever. I brought up your overnight bag…thank goodness Harriet had the foresight to pack it. I'll be back tomorrow with Bud. If you give me your keys, Bud can drive your car here, that way you'll have a vehicle to get you both home."

Mac reached into her purse to retrieve the requested object, "Thanks for everything, AJ. I don't know what I…we would do without you. I'll check-in with Harriet after while…I need to say goodnight to the kids and let them know everything's OK."

AJ leaned in to place a kiss on her cheek, "Stay strong, Marine."

She smiled, "I will…give the kids a kiss for me. Love you, AJ."

He beamed as he squeezed her shoulder, "Love you guys, too."

xxxxx

Continued in Part 17b


	24. Chapter 17b

**Part 17b of two parts—(PLEASE NOTE: Read Part 17a first)**

Two hours later, the nurse found Mac quietly sitting in the chair. As she scurried around the room attending to her patient, adjusting the IV, taking his vital signs, she paused to look at the exhausted woman at his bedside. Although her patient's wife was clearly a beautiful woman, she could see the lines of concern and the tear streaks on her cheeks. Her hair was mussed from nervous fingers and the sweatshirt she wore was obviously several sizes to large, engulfing her small frame. Finishing up with her duties, the nurse stood next to Mac, "Good evening, Mrs. Rabb. I'm Helen…I'll be your husband's nurse this evening. Can I get you anything?"

Mac shook her head and responded in a monotone voice, "No, thank you. I'm fine."

She kneeled down to eye level, "Are you sure? Mr. Rabb won't like it, if you're sick when he wakes up."

Mac stared straight ahead, "It's Captain…he's in the Navy, but he'd prefer it if you called him, Harm."

Helen smiled, "Harm it is. Now how about something to eat or drink…coffee…juice, maybe?"

Mac looked at the persistent nurse and smiled, "Juice would be nice, thank you."

Helen winked, "Coming right up. I'll be back in a minute."

When she returned, Helen had a tray with juice, crackers, cookies and fruit. "I thought you might like something to munch on later." She opened up a blanket and placed it over Mac's lap, "I noticed you shivering earlier, maybe this will help. Can I get you anything else?"

"No, thank you for these." Mac reached over to take Harm's hand, "When do think he might wake up?"

The nurse shrugged, "It's hard to say. He doesn't have a head injury that we can tell. It might help if you talked to him…he can hear you, you know."

Mac rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand and blinked back the tears that threatened to fall again, "I have been…it's just that it's been a really long, emotional day."

Helen moved back to the other side of the bed and began to check the fingers on the casted arm, "I heard what happened. I can't imagine what it must be like to be told your husband had died then find out he's still alive. I'm sure, you've been through an emotional roller coaster today."

Mac whispered, "You have no idea. It started even before the accident." At the nurse's puzzled expression, she waved her hand, "Never mind…husband-wife thing."

Helen nodded in camaraderie, "Oh yeah, they can drive you nuts sometimes."

Mac smiled, "You have no idea the kind of stunts he's pulled, but I couldn't imagine my life without him." She wiped away her tears.

Helen smiled back, "I just need to check a few things then I'll leave you two alone for a while." The nurse looked at the suture sites on his face then pulled back the covers to palpate his abdomen.

Mac's eyes widened at the sight of the large bruises on his chest and abdomen. "Oh my gosh…I had no idea." She reached out to run her fingers over his left chest.

"Those are probably from the broken ribs." Mac pulled her hand back as if she'd been stung. The nurse stopped her, "It's OK; you won't hurt him, if you're gentle. Touches and caresses let him know you're here."

Mac chewed on her lip and slowly extended her hand. She lightly traced the bruises over his left chest and laid her hand flat over his upper stomach. Helen smiled once again, "I'm just gonna make sure his Foley catheter is draining OK then I'll be out of your hair.

Mac grimaced at the sight of the large catheter snaking out, "Ouch! He's not going to be happy about that."

Helen grinned, "We'll take it out as soon as he wakes up." She lifted her brow, "It's good incentive to get the patients out of bed."

Mac smirked, "I'm sure it is." She quickly sobered, "How come there's blood all over his face and chest?"

"They tried to clean off some of it in the ER, but with a trauma patient, bathing is the last thing on everyone's mind." At Mac's worried expression, she suggested, "I can clean him up better, a little later in the shift…or I could get you some warm soapy water and linens. You could wash of the blood and dirt…if you want to, you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with."

Mac nodded, "I'd like that; it'll give me something to do."

Helen winked, "I'll be right back."

The nurse returned a few minutes later with a basin of warm water, soap and linens. "Here you go. Don't worry about getting the back of him. I can help with that later. It'll take 2 people to turn him, and with his ribs, it'll be a little uncomfortable." She held up a bottle of lotion, "He might like this rubbed into his skin when you're done."

Mac smiled, "Thanks, Helen. I'll let you know if I need anything else." The nurse pulled the curtain around the bed as she left.

Mac pulled the bedside table close and began to wet and soap the washcloth. As she leaned over him, she began to talk, "Don't get to use to this, Flyboy. I expect you to be out of this bed by morning." She gently ran the cloth over his forehead and wiped away the blood. She paused to touch his left eyelid; it was already swollen and purple. "You're gonna have a real shiner here. Everyone will think you went 20 rounds with me. Remember the last one…when we were hashing out the misunderstandings of our past. You tied both of us up with that silly rope, and then forgot and tried walk away. You hit the floor with a thud…you scared me then too. You need to stop doing that, Sailor."

She sniffed back tears and continued to wipe the blood off his face. She scrubbed at some dried blood caked in his hair, sighing in frustration when it wouldn't come loose. "I think that part will have to wait until you can get in a shower or maybe I can shampoo your hair once you're awake." She leaned over to kiss his forehead, "You know any time now would be OK."

When she received no response, she pulled back to continue. Running the warm cloth gently down his neck and over his chest, she removed all the grime from the accident. Covering each wet surface as she finished, she moved onto the right arm and then worked her way around the cast on his left. She noticed the bruising on the fingers of that hand and paused to place a light kiss on each one. She continued down his abdomen and each leg, taking noted of each and every bruise and cut.

The sponge bath complete, she began to apply lotion to every inch of skin she'd just bathed. She finished back at his face. Running her hand over the stubble of his beard, she grimaced at the reminder of the broken razor. "I have a confession to make, Sailor. I kinda got a little angry with you this afternoon," she caressed the lotion into the skin of his cheeks, "…I broke your razor. I didn't mean to, but you're finally going to have to break down and buy a new one. That is, unless you want to grow a beard, but for my sake and the Navy's, I hope you don't." She ran the back of her fingers over the stubble, "I don't want you covering up this beautiful face."

She paused again to look at his face and ran a finger over his forehead. She took in the lines furrowed into his brow, "How many of these are from me?" She leaned over to kiss them then touching his temple, dragged her fingers into the adjacent hair. "You've got a few more gray hairs here…I'll blame those on the kids. It's OK, they just make you look more distinguished," she grinned, "…isn't that the way. Women look older and men look distinguished. I guess I better keep mine covered for a while longer…but that's just our secret." She ran her thumb over his lips then leaned forward to gently kiss them. She pulled back and reached for her purse. "Your lips are a little dry…this will help," she gently rubbed lip balm into them and leaned in to kiss him again. "Much better, Sailor."

Pulling the blanket back over his body, she moved the table away from the bed and opened the curtain. He still wasn't awake; but at least, he'd feel better when he did wake up. She stretched her tired back then grimaced in pain. Her endometriosis was acting up again. This was the kind of night when she craved a long hot bath and a back rub from her husband. She shook her head; tonight it was his turn. Settling back in the chair to nibble on crackers and juice, she didn't hear Helen return. She startled at the hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Rabb. I didn't mean to scare you. I was just checking to see if you needed anything else?"

"It's Mac, and I'm fine thank you."

Helen raised a brow, "Mac? That's an unusual name for a woman."

"It's Sarah, actually…Sarah MacKenzie-Rabb. I'm a marine and Sarah wasn't quite tough enough, back in my early days. So MacKenzie got shortened to Mac. It just stuck after that."

"Your husband name's is a little unusual as well, Harmon."

Mac smiled, "Oh yeah. It's a family name, but he hates being called Harmon. Only his mother and grandmother are allowed to call him that. Of course, going by the name Harm, sets him up for some interesting nicknames." She smirked, "The best one being the SecNav's…Harmful Rabb!"

Helen joined in the laughter, "Your husband sounds like an interesting guy. What does he do in the Navy?"

"He's an attorney with JAG; we both are. That's how we met…in the White House Rose Garden."

The nurse's eyes widened, "You met in THE Rose Garden?"

"Yep, he was being awarded the Distinguished Flying Cross by the President."

Helen looked on impressed, "Wow…but I thought you said he was a lawyer?"

Mac grinned, "He is, but he was a fighter pilot first. He still flies sometimes, but mostly CAP flight over the east coast."

"Your husband has a pretty impressive resume."

Mac picked his hand up and caressed the palm, "Yeah he does, but he'll be the first one to tell you that's not the most important part. He's a great father, a caring husband, loyal to a fault and has risked his life on more than one occasion to rescue someone he loves."

"He sounds more like a 'knight-in-shining armor' than a Navy Captain," Helen smiled at the well-used phrase.

Mac leaned over to kiss his hand, "Something like that…he's definitely a one of a kind."

Helen patted her shoulder, "Listen, why don't you get some rest…it'll probably be a long night. I'm right outside if you need anything."

Mac nodded, "Thanks Helen."

Mac fidgeted and turned in the chair, repositioning herself continuously for the next hour. No matter what she tried, she couldn't get comfortable. She never did sleep well out of his arms.

She sighed and got up to use the restroom and walk the hall for a few minutes. When she returned, she sat on the edge of his bed, and careful not to hurt him, leaned in to run her finger through his hair. "Come on, Sailor…you need to wake up, if not for me then for Sophie and Sammy. The kids are gonna want to talk to you in the morning; I can't hold them off much longer. Sophie already senses that something's not right." She gently cupped his cheek and ran her thumb over his lower lip. "I love you, and I'm really sorry about this morning. I don't know how I would have lived with myself, if our last words had been those in anger. I promise to tell you that I love you, every time you leave the house, no matter what else is going on. And no more going to bed angry…we settle everything before sleep…our bed shouldn't be a place to fight. I only want good memories from there."

Receiving no response, she stared at him for several minutes and then grinned, "I wonder if I could kiss you awake? It worked for Snow White and her handsome prince." She looked back toward the door, seeing no one in the hall, she leaned in with a twinkle in her eye. "I'm willing to try if you are," and with that pronouncement, she placed a passionate kiss on his lips. When she pulled back, she was disappointed to see his eyes still closed. As she turned away and sighed, she didn't notice the eye that squinted open in the light. "I guess it was too much to hope for…those kind of things only happen in fairy tales."

She laid down at his side and gently snuggled her head onto his right shoulder. "Since you won't wake up, I guess I can share a secret with you. I bet you didn't know I was studying poetry for you. I think I found a new favorite author, Sir Phillip Sidney. I love it when you quote poetry to me, but I'm not sure I have the same sense of presence or feel for the words. What better time to try it out then when you can't laugh at my feeble attempts." She ran her hand over his chest and sighed, "Here goes, I really do love this passage. I think it's true, how else do explain our connection." She closed her eyes and whispered in recitation to the silent dark room.

_My true love hath my heart and I have his. _

_By just exchange one for the other given. _

_I hold his dear, and mine he cannot miss, _

_There never was a better bargain driven. _

_My true love hath my heart and I have his. _

_His heart in me keeps me and him in one, _

_My heart in him his thoughts and senses guides: _

_He loves my heart, for once it was his own, _

_I cherish his because in me it bides. _

_My true love hath my heart and I have his._

"That's beautiful," came the hoarse whispered reply.

She sat up quickly, "Harm, you're awake!"

He groaned in pain and then licked his dry lips, "What…"

"Just a minute." She reached over to the table to grab the cup of water and placed the straw between his lips. "Here try this."

He sipped the liquid then cleared his throat, "What do…you expect…when you jump…my bones?" He grinned then grimaced in pain at the movement, "That was…some kiss."

Her eyes widened, "It worked?!"

He opened his right eye, "Kiss me…like that…I'll respond every time."

She grinned and leaned over to place a more chaste kiss on his lips, "The pleasures all mine, believe me. You need to stop doing this, Sailor. You scared the hell out of me."

He lifted his right hand to his face and gingerly ran it over the cuts and scraps. "What happened…to me…feel like we went…20 rounds…or something?"

She chuckled, "Are you reading my mind now?"

"What?"

She shook her head, "Never mind…you were in a car accident this morning." She paused, unsure whether to fill in the gaps just yet, "What do you remember?"

He groaned, "I remember…us…fighting."

She instantly deflated and responded with a teary voice, "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I tried to call you, but you didn't pick up. I even left a voice mail message to apologize and wish you luck and love…but you didn't get it."

"It's OK…my fault too…I'm sorry…love you too."

She began to cry, "You don't understand. I thought I'd lost you; I didn't want those to be our last words."

He grimaced, "Don't understand…lost me how…what happened?"

She wiped the tears and took a deep breath, "You don't need to worry about that right now. I'll go get the nurse; you should just rest and save your strength."

"Mac…what aren't you…telling me?"

"Please Harm, just let it go for now. I promise we'll talk in the morning, but now you need to rest. I'm so glad you're awake and that you're gonna be fine. There's nothing to worry about, just a few bumps, bruises and broken bones." She walked out of the room to find Helen.

When they returned, Helen approached with a smile, "Hello Captain Rabb. It's nice to see you awake. How's the pain."

"Hurts a lot."

She pulled a syringe from her pocket, "I can help you with that. I just need to ask you a few questions first. Obviously you know who you and your wife are. Do you know what day it is?"

"Saturday."

"Good…how about where you are?"

He grimaced, "Hospital…not sure…probably Blacksburg."

She smiled, "That's right, you're in Blacksburg…that good enough for now. You probably noticed you have a few abrasions and stitches. You also have a fractured left arm and 2 fractured ribs on the left side. I need to do a quick examination then I'll give you some Morphine to help with the pain." She listened to his heart and lungs then palpated his abdomen. He groaned in pain as she pushed on his upper abdomen. "Does that hurt?"

"Just a little…hurts to breath. Need to use the head." Helen glanced at Mac in question.

Mac smiled, "Navy term…he means he needs to use the restroom."

Helen nodded, "Ah, well that won't be necessary, Captain. You have a Foley catheter in place; you're probably just feeling bladder spasms from the balloon."

Harm groaned, "Hate those things."

Helen patted his shoulder, "We should be able to take it out in the morning. I'll give you the Morphine injection, that should help with the spasms too." She injected the medication as she was talking. Harm was out before she finished. She turned to Mac, "Is there anything else you need?"

Mac smiled back, "No, not at all. I have everything I could ever want, and I'll never take it for granted again. Thanks for all your help, Helen."

The nurse winked as she let the room, "It's my pleasure, Mac. I'm glad he's finally awake…now get some rest yourself. That's an order, in the ICU I have rank."

Mac laughed, "I will…thanks again."

xxxxx

Harm was transferred out of the ICU on Sunday and discharged to home by Monday. He was sullen and quiet over the death of one of his best friends. They drove to the Roberts' home late Monday afternoon to retrieve their kids. Sammy was ecstatic to see his Mama and Daddy after a two-day absence. Sophie was withdrawn and moody. She wasn't sure what all had transpired, but she knew her best friend, Charlie, had left with his grandparents and everyone seemed to be sad. Harm and Mac had discussed Charlie's future and both agreed to take him in, if his grandparents weren't able to provide care. The offer turned out to be unnecessary; with the loss of their only son, Mr. and Mrs. Michaelson were only too happy to still have their grandson. Charlie would be moving to Richmond, Virginia.

That evening, Harm and Mac sat down with their children to explain the events of the weekend. Sammy was tearful at the news of the loss of his Uncle Bradley, but like a typical 4 year old, he didn't quite comprehend the permanence of death. He settled into bed and was fast asleep at an early hour; happy just to know his family was back home. Sophie was another story all together. She was sad and clingy; she didn't understand how her father could be OK, but Charlie's dad had gone to heaven. She couldn't comprehend a world in which she wouldn't see her best friend every day. It took several hours to calm her down and get her to sleep; she sobbed as her world crumbled around her.

By 22:00, Harm and Mac were both exhausted and in pain. Harm scrubbed his fingers through his matted hair. "Ah…I just want a shower. I want to wash all this junk out of my hair and relax my sore muscles."

She came up behind him, "Harm, there's no way you can get in the shower by yourself. You can barely move with your ribs, and you can't get that cast wet."

He grumped, "I just want to get clean and relax…is that too much to ask?"

"No…come on I have an idea," she tugged on his hand to get him moving then supported his weight up the stairs. He failed to notice the look of pain in her eyes as she rubbed a hand over her back. She maneuvered him into the master bathroom, "Here, sit down on the side of the tub a minute." Pouring eucalyptus bath salts into the tub, she adjusted the water to a comfortable hot. "Come on, let's get you out of these clothes," she tugged on his shirt and pants.

He sighed, "I thought I couldn't get my cast wet."

She looked at him exasperated, "You won't get it wet; I'll help you. Now stand up a minute so I can get these off." He grumbled all the way to his feet and 'humphed' as she removed the clothes. She shook her head and moved into his personal space, "Do you think you could lose the attitude," she raised a brow then smiled, "…I'm just trying to help."

He looked back sheepishly, "Sorry."

She leaned in to place a kiss on his lips. "That's OK…I know you hurt…here," she ran her hand lightly over the extensive bruise on his left side and then leaned over to place a kiss on his chest over his heart, "…and here."

He pulled her into his embrace and kissed her back, "Thanks for putting up with me."

"No problem," she looked toward the ceiling try to prevent tears from falling, "…when I think of the alternative."

He wiped away the tears and whispered back, "I know."

She pulled back and placed an arm around his waist, "Let's get you in the tub." As he stepped into the water, his foot slipped forward. They braced against each other and each let out a howl of pain. She steadied him in place and reached for a hand towel. "Hang on a second." She placed the towel flat on the floor of the tub then reached back to him. "That should give you a more solid surface. Let's try this again." The second attempt proved successful and he settled into the hot water with a sigh of relief.

He reached for a washcloth then sighed in frustration as he looked at his cast. "Ah Mac, I think I'm going to need some help."

She knelt next to tub, once again closing her eyes against the pain in her back. She tapped on his back, "Lean forward a little so I can scrub your back."

He tried, unsuccessfully, to move, "I can't…it hurts too much and I can't get leverage without getting my cast wet." He huffed, "This was a stupid idea. How am I gonna get back out this tub or do you expect me to sleep in here?" She turned away as the tears began to fall. She'd been trying to hold them in for the last 2 days, but the emotions, pain and frustration were finally taking their toll. Harm heard her sniff and turned his head in her direction, "Mac? Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she whispered.

He felt about 2 feet tall; she'd been trying to help and he was taking his pain and frustration out on her. "I'm sorry…I'll try and do this by myself…"

She cut him off, "No, I'll help…I just…Owww." She leaned over the tub and couldn't hide her cry of pain at the movement.

"Mac, what's wrong!"

She sat back on her haunches and rubbed her back, "My back's been bothering me for the last few days."

His eyes widened, "And you've been trying to help lift and move me? Sweetheart, why didn't you say something?"

She winced once more, "There was nothing you could do. It's just my endometriosis flaring up again." She gingerly stood and began to remove her clothes, "I have an idea."

His eyes widened further, "What are you doing, Mac. Not that I would mind, but I'm hardly in the condition to…"

She smirked and shook her head, "Red light…get your mind out of the gutter, Sailor. If I get in the tub behind you, I can help without bending over…and it'll be easier to help get you out." She tapped his shoulder, "Try and move forward just a little." He slowly maneuvered and she climbed in behind, pulling him back against her chest. Once comfortable, she sighed in relief, "Aaah, I've been wanting a hot bath for days. You mind if we just relax like this for a minute?"

"Not at all…it's the most comfortable I've been in a while, too." He picked up her hand and placed a kiss on the palm, "I'm sorry I've been such a pain in the neck the last few days."

She cupped her hand and began to pour water over his hair, "Don't worry about it, you've been through a lot."

He smirked, "I notice you're not denying my 'pain in the neck' status."

She grinned as she rubbed shampoo into his hair and massaged his scalp. "Why should I deny the truth?" then sobered, "Like I said, I'll take you this way over the alternative."

He was quiet for several minutes while she finished shampooing and rinsing his hair. As she picked up the washcloth and began to wash his skin, he spoke softly, "It should have been me, you know. Bradley shouldn't have died."

She stopped her movements and responded harshly, "Don't say that…don't even think it. I feel horrible for Bradley and Charlie, but I won't feel sorry that you're alive."

His voice cracked, "But if I'd just listened to you…you were right. I knew I hadn't told you about my plans and I knew I'd promised to take the kids to the country that day. If I hadn't been hell bent on flying…Bradley would still be alive."

She pulled his head back to her shoulder and looked in his eyes, "You listen to me…Bradley knew what he was doing that day. He made his own decision to go with you. The weather conditions and the flat tire were not your fault." She ran her finger over his cheek, "What do you think would have happened if we took the kids that day? The weather would have still been bad, and we could've still had a flat tire. The only difference would have been that the kids and I would have been hurt, and you would have been the one changing the tire…the one to be…" she closed her eyes as the tears began to fall.

He turned his head to kiss her hand, "I'm sorry, Sarah. I…"

She continued in a soft, tearful voice, "You don't understand. I was so scared. I knew the weather was getting worse and I tried to call you…to apologize, to wish you good luck…to tell you I loved you. Your phone went to voice mail, repeatedly. I knew something was wrong…I could sense it. When AJ showed up at the door, I collapsed…I believed him for a moment…I thought you were gone and all I could think was that I didn't tell you I loved you. My whole world ended in that moment." She looked back at him, "But then I put on your sweatshirt and it was like I could feel you again. I had a physical pain in my chest, like you were calling to me. No one would believe me that you were alive. I almost gave up hope when they handed me your flight jacket…and I cried when I discovered that you hadn't gotten my phone message…that our last words and thoughts were in anger. I promised myself and God that I would never again let you leave my side without knowing how much I love you."

His eyes widened in shock and pain at each declaration, "Oh Sarah…I had no idea. I tried to call you too…the reception was bad because of the weather…I couldn't get a signal. And I would never for one second believe that you didn't love me…most of the events of that day were my fault. I'm the one who needs to apologize not you, and I promise to never throw out the words 'I love you' in anger again…love is too precious of an emotion to waste."

She took a deep breath and nodded, "Can I ask you a question?" He nodded in return. "Why was Bradley wearing your flight jacket?"

"He insisted on changing the tire, despite my protests. My jacket was warmer and waterproof…I insisted he wear it, if he was gonna be out in the rain. It never occurred to me that someone would use my jacket and ID to make an erroneous identification. I can't imagine what those hours of grief were like for you."

She smiled, "Like I said…I knew after a few minutes that you weren't gone. I'm afraid AJ and Harriet thought I'd lost my mind, though."

They sat quietly for several minutes, allowing their raw emotions to calm. Finally he spoke again, "Sarah, what do you think about me giving up flying?"

She looked back puzzled, "You mean your wings?"

He shook his head, "My license…wings, my plane, everything. If I hadn't been flying this wouldn't have happened."

"Harm, sweetheart…that's a decision only you can make, but don't make a rash decision based on a single event…or because you think it's what the kids or I would want. I could understand you giving up your wings; you've got a very limited time span to keep flying for the Navy anyway, but there's no reason to give up Sarah. You love to fly. It's part of what makes you…you. I don't want you to lose that; besides, your kids can't wait to be old enough to go up flying with you."

He replied sadly, "I'll think about it, but you're wrong…flying isn't that important, not anymore. You and the kids make me who I am…flying is just…flying. If I quit tomorrow it would be OK, but I never want to lose you or our life…and I'm not sure I want to take that risk anymore."

She kissed his temple, "Thank you for the offer, but please think about it, first. I can't imagine you not teaching Sammy to fly…I always thought you would teach our son to fly."

He settled more comfortable against her chest and leaned his head into her neck, "Mac?"

She smiled at his movements, "Yeah?"

"You know that poetry passage you were quoting when I woke up?"

She frowned, "Sir Phillip Sidney? Yeah, what about it?"

He picked up her hand, "Would you tell me again? I'm not sure I was lucid enough to understand most of it."

She wrinkled her nose, "I don't know, sweetheart. I'm not the orator that you are. I didn't think you could hear me when I recited it."

"What I remember was beautiful…something about sharing our hearts. You didn't mean it?"

She placed her lips softly against his temple, "Of course I meant it…how else do explain this connection that we have?"

He placed a kiss on her palm and laid their joined hands over his heart, "Then tell me again…Please?"

She kissed his temple and began to recite, "_'My true love hath my heart and I have his…'_"

xxxxx

_**AN:** Sir Philip Sidney (1554-1586); The Countess of Pembroke's Arcadia, Book III, (My true love hath my heart)._


	25. Chapter 18a

_**AN:** Two more parts after tonight. I want to thank all of you who have reviewed. This is my first story to post at this site and I just realized that I had inadvertently blocked anonymous reviewers. I have enabled all reviews once again. I apologize if a non-registered reviewer attempted to reply and was blocked. Thanks everyone for reading…I hope you enjoy._

**Part 18a of two parts**

03:30

Sunday, May 21st, 2006

Rabb House

Harm awoke with a start and stretched. His whole body ached like he'd been in a fight. He scrubbed a hand over his face and muttered, "Why does it feel like I haven't slept in days." He yawned, "I don't know how long I can go on like this; my mind just feels foggy." He smirked, "And now I'm talking to myself…is this what being a father is going to be like?" His eyes grew wide, "Sophie…I need to check on Sophie."

He walked into the bathroom and threw cold water on his face to wash the fog from his mind then headed down to the kitchen. Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, he sat down at the table and dialed the NICU.

"Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, may I help you?"

"This is Captain Rabb…I'm calling to check on my daughter."

"Yes Sir…Val has her tonight. I'll put you right through."

Harm stood and paced the kitchen waiting for the connection to go through.

"Captain Rabb? How may I help you?"

"Hi, Val…I'm just calling to check on Sophie. How's she doing?"

"She's having a good night, Sir. She hasn't had any more alarms or problems. We've been able to wean her ventilator some more, and her blood pressure meds are also down. Overall she's been really stable."

He smiled, "That's great, Val. I should be in mid-morning. Tell my little girl, I love her. Good night, Val."

"Good night, Sir."

He searched through the kitchen for something to eat. With Mac in the hospital for so long, he hadn't really been grocery shopping. He found some cheese and crackers and sat down to eat and let his mind wander. He couldn't wait to have Mac back home again. It was kind of lonely being here by himself. He shook his head, how had he ever survived all those years of bachelorhood and living alone. He'd been married all of one year and already he hated being alone. He thought about calling Mac then thought better of it. She'd only been out of the SICU for 12 hours; she needed her sleep. Sleep, that was another thing he didn't like doing alone any more. He yawned again and looked at the clock…only 03:45. He got up and put his dishes in the sink. Scrubbing a hand over his face, he headed back to bed. He needed to try and catch a few more hours of shuteye.

He climbed into bed and pulled Mac's pillow into his arms. He inhaled deeply and smiled; it smelled like her. He closed his eyes and fell into a deep sleep. His dreams started almost immediately.

xxxxx

The fall and holiday activities of 2013 were subdued for the Rabb family. Harm couldn't shake his feeling of responsibility for Bradley's death. He accomplished all of his duties professionally without waver; but at home, he'd lost some of his enthusiasm and zeal. Outside activities seemed to be too much of a chore; he preferred to have his family home and safe.

Sophie was withdrawn and afraid. She didn't want either of her parents out of her sight. She checked on them constantly when they left a room to make sure they were safe. Her schoolwork had remained in good order, but she didn't want to partake in outside activities or play with her friends. She cried for Charlie almost every night. Mac had tried to contact his grandparents to set up play dates, but Mr. and Mr. Michaelson weren't ready to allow Charlie out of their presence just yet. They'd even refused phone calls between the children, for fear the calls would remind Charlie of his missing father. Sophie was devastated at the loss.

Sammy was harder to peg. He remained his quiet inquisitive self, observing all the activities in his surroundings. He knew things were different but wasn't sure how to fix them. He spent extra time reading with his Daddy and cuddling with his Mama. He tried without success to get Sophie to play, but usually gave up once rebuffed.

Mac remained the stable force, chauffeuring kids to school, daycare and required activities. She cuddled, hugged and dried the tears of each family member, large and small. AJ was the one bright spot and welcome relief. When no one else could drag Sophie from her shell, Papa AJ could elicit smiles and giggles. He made it his personal mission to achieve that task several times per week.

By Christmas time, Mac decided her family needed a diversionary break from the reminders of death and loss. With the help of Frank, she'd secured a cabin in the mountains of Colorado for the entire Rabb-Burnett family to spend the holidays. Initially, Harm hadn't been keen on the idea, but he came around with a little persuasion from his persistent wife. Gummy Trish and Papa Frank had arrived early to decorate the cabin for Christmas, top to bottom. Harm, Mac and the kids arrived a few days before Christmas, and at the sight of snow, Christmas trees and presents, spirits improved for the first time in weeks.

Gummy and Papa took it upon themselves to entertain the grandchildren, in order to give Harm and Mac some alone time. Mac, for her part, hung mistletoe on every available doorway and archway. She became an expert at special ops, catching her husband under the sprigs at every opportunity. Harm finally caught on, and flashing his 'flyboy smile' once again, managed his own stealth maneuvers to trap his wife under the holly. They spent a few days skiing the slopes at the nearby ski lodge. By Christmas Eve, their relationship was back on track; they were happy, healthy and wrapped…around…above…below… and in…each other, every available moment.

Sammy was happy and bubbly; he couldn't wait for Santa Claus to make an appearance. His Christmas list was long, detailed and growing everyday. Sophie was a little harder to engage. Interestingly enough, it was Papa Frank who did the trick. He and Sophie spent hours reading, playing games, building snowmen and sledding. By Christmas day, Sophie was almost back to her old self. The final hurdle came Christmas morning when Sophie received a phone call from Richmond, Virginia. Papa Frank had had a heart-to-heart with Grandpa Michaelson about his little granddaughter's broken heart. The Michaelsons finally gave in and let Charlie call on Christmas morning. Sophie was swinging from the rafter by the end of the call with the promise for a play date before the kids returned to school at the end of winter break.

By Christmas afternoon, the gifts were opened, and everyone was stuffed with turkey and engaged in various activities around the great room. Harm, Mac and Sammy were cuddled in front of the fireplace. Sammy had thought it his responsibility to wake the house at 05:00 to open presents. By 14:00, he was sprawled across his parents fast asleep. Gummy Trish was enjoying a little quiet time with a novel. Papa Frank had snuck up on Sophie with one final gift…a chess set. The two spent the next several hours trying to master the feat. By dinnertime, Sophie was slowly catching on. Sammy became intrigued with the new game, watching from a far, all the intricate moves.

The following morning, Harm found Sammy playing with the chess pieces and put them up for safe keeping. That afternoon, Harm tried his hand at teaching Sophie how to play the game. Sammy continued to watch from his perch across the room. Following a break for cookies and eggnog, Sammy wandered a little closer to watch the action. During a particularly difficult game, Sophie became frustrated prompting Sammy to move closer to her side. As Harm waited for Sophie to decide on a move, Sammy reached up, moved a Bishop and announced, "Check." Harm looked at his son and then back to the board. Pondering his move for several seconds, Harm moved his Queen. Sammy grinned, moved his King and announced, "Check Mate." The activities in the room ceased as the adults stared opened mouthed at the preschooler. Sammy shrugged with a smile, "What did I do?"

Harm shook his head, "Hey Sammy Bear, do you wanna play with your sister."

Sammy vigorously nodded his head, "Yes Please."

Harm moved over to the couch with Mac, as the kids played several more games of chess. Sammy won each and every game, announcing in a shy unassuming voice, "Check" and "Check Mate." Clearly, Sammy had found a new passion.

Harm pulled Mac closer into his embrace and whispered into her ear, "Mac, our kids scare the heck out of me. I couldn't play chess until I was at least 13, and I was never very good at it. If Sammy can play a game like chess at age 4, he's going to be out maneuvering us before he hits high school…between him and Sophie, we are in so much trouble."

Mac grinned back, "It's OK, Daddy. The Navy can stay off shore; the Marines will keep them from storming the beach." She watched the emotions play across his face from shock to irritation to humor then leaned in to place a kiss on his lips. She grinned and poked a finger into his chest, "You're job is to keep the boys away."

He smirked, "I can handle that…I've already got my rifle loaded…one step too close, the Navy will take'em out!"

xxxxx

By May of 2014, the Rabb household was back to normal. Sophie still missed seeing Charlie everyday, but her parents had managed to arrange a weekend visit for the two kids each month. She was anxiously awaiting her 8th birthday and the start of summer vacation. Sammy, on the other hand, was anxiously awaiting his 5th birthday and the chance to start school come fall.

The first week of May, Harm was summoned into General Cresswell's office and given new orders. He arrived home that evening to find his family scurrying around the kitchen preparing dinner. Throughout the meal, he remained quiet and pensive. The kids chattered on, oblivious to their father's unusually sober disposition. Mac was more observant, but refrained from question until Sammy and Sophie were out of earshot.

As they cleared the table and loaded the dishwasher, Mac embraced him from behind and whispered into his ear, "You're kind of quiet tonight, Sailor. Did something happen today?" He tugged on her arm and pulled her around front in the circle of his arms. As he stared into her eyes, she became even more worried, "Harm?"

He leaned down to kiss her then whispered into her ear, "We'll talk after the kids go to bed." At her pensive expression, he continued, "It's OK…don't worry. I just got some news today, and we need to make some decisions." He raised his brow, asking acceptance, and then leaned in for another kiss.

The next hour was somewhat tense as they worked in concert to get the nighttime routine for the kids completed. With homework done, the kids were bathed, read to, kissed and tucked in for the night. He took her hand and led her back to the kitchen, "Mac, would you like some tea?"

"Harm, what's going on? I can't remember the last time I saw you this…unsettled…in a long time."

He busied himself with preparing the tea then led her into the family room to have a discussion. Placing the mugs on the coffee table, he sat down on the couch and pulled her to sit between his legs. Exhaling nervously, he began to explain, "Sweetheart, I got new orders today. They want me to head up the Naval Legal Service Office in Naples. I'm to be transferred by July…if that's what we decide."

She looked back at him with an incredulous expression, "What do you mean, IF? Of course, we're going; this is an excellent opportunity for you. You still have a chance at being the JAG."

He sighed, "It's not that simple, Mac. What about you and the kids?"

"Harm, the kids will be fine. Sure, it's a change in culture, but they'll adapt. They'll get to met new people, travel, make new friends…I don't see the problem."

He picked up her hand and played with her ring, "But Mac, what about your career?"

She turned in his embrace to look in his eyes, "Sweetheart, I can probably get a position on the bench there, as well as here." She shrugged, "If not…I'll reserve my commission. This is too important for you to pass up."

"But Mac, that's not fair to you. You've worked too hard to just throw your career away," he replied with a pained expression on his face.

She reached up to caress his cheek, "Sailor, the last time you were offered an opportunity like this; you passed it up for your family…you did what was best for us. This time, it's our turn to do what's best for you."

He looked away and whispered, "Mac, I don't want you to make sacrifices for me."

She took his face in both her hands and smiled, "Sweetheart, this isn't a sacrifice…it's a pleasure. I am so proud of you. You deserve this chance." At that moment the phone rang, she caressed his cheek and kissed him. "Stay here…I'll get it."

He waited and pondered and worried for the next 10 minutes, until she returned. When she came back, his eyes widened as he noticed her tear glazed eyes. "Mac, what's wrong? Who was that on the phone?"

She bit her lip and then broke out into a huge smile, "That was Admiral Morris. Apparently, he'd been trying to catch up with me all day." She sat back on the couch, "I've been offered a new billet, too." At his worried look, she ran her fingers over his brow, easing the furrows. "Harm, they want me to head up the Trial Judiciary Services in Naples…we're both being given a Command position." With that she launched herself into his embrace, "We're going to Naples, Sailor!"

The following night, the pair went out to dinner to celebrate their commander promotions. Sammy had been thrilled at the chance to try something new. Sophie was a bit more reticent. She loved her school, soccer, ballet, her friends; she was even more concerned about not seeing Charlie for 3-4 years. Her parents promised she could visit on trips back to the states, but Sophie wasn't sure they would remain friends so far away.

As Harm and Mac enjoyed an intimate candlelight dinner, they discussed the decisions to be made prior to the move. "Mac, what do you think we should do with the house?"

"Harm, I love our house. It's our home, a part of our hearts and souls. It's where we brought our children home to…where we made life-changing decisions…significant events occurred there. I'd like to keep it, maybe rent it out while we're out of the country. If you make JAG, we'll be back in D.C., I'd really like the kids to be able to come back to their home."

"But Mac, there's no guarantee I'll make JAG or come back to D.C. What do we do with the house then?"

"Please, Harm…I don't want to sell the house just yet. With both of us in Command positions, we'll have housing provided in Naples. We can use the house here for rental income for the time being. I want the kids to still have a place in the U.S. to consider home."

He picked up her hand and placed a kiss on it, "Alright sweetheart, we can do that."

They ate in silence, listening to the music from the dance floor. The waitress appeared at the table to clear the dinner dishes and take orders for coffee and dessert. Harm ordered coffee but declined dessert. Mac ordered both and two spoons, knowing he would eat part of hers. He smiled at her impishly, "Tiramisu, Mac?"

She grinned in reply, "It's your favorite…I knew if I ordered it, you'd share." Her eyes gleamed wickedly in the soft light as she ran her foot under his trouser leg and up his shin.

He startled at her covert maneuvers shifting uncomfortably at his immediate response. "But I said I didn't want dessert," he bantered back and grabbed her foot to still the stimulating movement. Flashing her a 'you should behave in public' glare.

She pegged him with a 'who me' innocent look and laughed. "Harm, you never actually order dessert…you just wait and eat mine." Her eyes flared when he ran his thumb up the back of her knee as he dropped her foot back to the floor.

He looked away trying to hide the smug expression when his own maneuvers had the desired response. He quickly grabbed her hand to halt any retaliation, "Maybe we should behave ourselves before we get thrown out of this elegant establishment." He pointed an index finger at her and grinned mischievously, "But when we get home…I make no promises. Now, where were we in our discussions about Naples?"

She smiled at his attempts to be serious but relented, "What do we do with the vehicles and your plane?"

He shrugged, "I guess we can sell the cars…I don't know about Sarah."

"I agree about the cars, except your corvette…it can stay in storage. Sarah should stay in storage, as well…I don't want you to sell her; she's too important to you. Now that you've given up your wings, I want you to still have a link to your father and grandfather. I want you to teach Sophie and Sammy how to fly when they're old enough to learn."

"I guess," he intertwined their fingers, "…thank you for understanding about my passion for flying…I really do want to teach the kids someday." She nodded back in acceptance and handed him a spoon for dessert. They whispered quietly about nothings and everythings as they enjoyed the rich dessert and coffee.

Finally finished with the meal, she pulled a gift from her purse. "In the mean time, I thought you could teach them to sail, first. We'll be surrounded by water in Naples…you'll have the perfect opportunity." She handed him the gift, "This is for you…I found it a couple of months ago and was just waiting for the perfect time. I can't think of a more appropriate one…I'm really am proud of you, sweetheart." He took the box and slowly opened it, pausing to study the gift inside. "I found it at an antique store and thought you could use it. It may be old, but it still works perfectly…kind of like us, a little worn and battered at times, but wholly treasured and still going strong," her eyes twinkled with love in the candlelight.

He picked up the antique brass compass. It had an intricate ornate nautical relief carved into the brass surround. He turned the compass over to find words engraved on the back, 'To My Beloved Sailor, You are my one true North and keeper of my heart…I trust you to guide me, in life, safely to shore. All My Love Forever, Your Marine.' He rubbed his fingers over the engraving and smiled with glistening eyes, "It beautiful, both the gift and the words. I feel the same way, you know…I just chose a slightly different form of the same sentiment." He reached into his pocket to withdraw a small wrapped box and reached across the table. He grinned, "Would you believe, great minds think alike?"

She raised her brow in question before taking the box and carefully unwrapping the golden charm treasure. Inside she found an ornate gold star, the rays elongated at top and bottom with a brilliant sparkling diamond at its center. He took her hand, "You're the North Star by which I navigate my life. I love you, Sarah."

She brought his hand to her cheek then kissed his palm, "I love you too, Sailor."

He reached up to wipe away her tears then stood and tugged on her hand, "Dance with me?" She nodded as he pulled her into his embrace and gently kissed her before guiding her to the dance floor.

xxxxx

The Rabbs spent the next 4 years in Naples. Both Harm and Mac performed brilliantly in their commands. The kids grew and thrived, both loving the chance to travel in Europe and to learn new customs and traditions. Despite enjoying their time in Italy, by the summer of 2018, Sammy and Sophie were glad to be home. The Rabbs returned to the old house and spent the next few months remodeling and updating rooms. The kids each picked a new theme for their bedrooms, more in keeping with their advancing ages. Sophie's only disappointment, from their time in Europe, was the loss of her friend, Charlie. The two exchanged letters and e-mails during the first year and even managed a brief visit on one of the Rabb's junkets to the States; but after that first year, Sophie's letters were returned unopened. Once they were back stateside, Harm attempted to locate the Michaelsons but to no avail. Charlie had disappeared from sight.

As expected, Harm returned to Washington, D.C., a 2-star Admiral, to fill the position of Judge Advocate General. Mac, for her part, returned a Brigadier General pegged to replace the retiring Admiral Morris, as Chief Trial Judge of the Judiciary. Life for the Rabbs was busy and hectic.

One evening shortly after Sammy's 9th birthday, Harm was tucking his son into bed. Sammy grew quiet before asking his father, "Dad, can I ask you something?"

Sure, Peanut…what's going on?" Harm sat down on Sammy's bed and gathered him into his arms.

Sammy muttered and stumbled over his words a few times, before finally asking, "Dad, would it be OK if I don't fly jets like you?"

Harm frowned, "Sammy Bear, I want you to do whatever makes you happy. You don't have to fly if you don't want to," he replied with a slight edge of disappointment to his voice.

His son looked up into his face, "Are you sure you won't be disappointed in me?"

Harm pulled him closer, "Oh Sammy, I could never be disappointed in you. I don't want you to do anything that you don't wanna do…you need to decide what makes you happy. Just because I fly, doesn't mean that you have to." He leaned down to kiss his son's forehead, "Sammy, why are you asking these questions now? Did something happen?"

Sammy picked at the stitching on his comforter a moment, before quietly answering, "Yes…David told me I didn't need to fly. He said that Frampa David and Frampa Harmon crashed and made Gummy Sarah and Gummy Trish sad. I don't want to make Mama or you sad."

Harm placed his hand on his son's cheek and pulled his face to him, "Sammy, you won't make Mommy or me sad no matter what you do. We're both very proud of you. You shouldn't make your decisions about flying based on how Mommy and I will feel."

Sammy nodded his head, "OK…then I don't want to fly jets, Daddy. I want to be a doctor, so I can take care of babies like when Sophie was born…would that be OK?"

Harm smiled, "That would be more than OK, Sammy. What made you decide you want to be a doctor?"

Sammy shrugged, "I don't know…I like taking care of and helping people. I think it would be fun."

Harm nodded, "Then that's what you should do…I'd be very proud of you, if you took care of sick children." The room grew quiet a moment before he continued, "Sammy, how did David tell you?"

Sammy blushed, "He talks to me in my dreams sometimes." Harm nodded in understanding. "Dad, even if I don't fly jets, can you still teach me to fly Sarah?"

Harm ran his fingers through his son's hair and stared into those beautiful brown MacKenzie eyes, "You don't have to fly at all if you don't want to, Sammy. I won't be upset if you don't learn to fly."

The child shook his head, "No Daddy, I wanna fly with you…I just don't wanna fly jets! Is that OK?"

Harm tweaked his nose, "Sammy, I would love to teach you to fly Sarah." He stood up from the bed and pulled the covers up over his son. Leaning over to place a kiss on his forehead, he whispered, "Goodnight, Peanut…I love you."

Sammy mumbled back sleepily, "Love you too, Daddy." As Harm was about to walk out the door, Sammy said, "Dad, can you call me Sam instead of Sammy or Sammy Bear…I'm not a baby anymore."

Harm smiled at his son, "No you're not…Goodnight, Sam."

xxxxx

Continued in Part 18b


	26. Chapter 18b

**Part 18b of two parts—(PLEASE NOTE: Read Part 18a first)**

By early spring of 2024, Sophie was busy applying to colleges before high school graduation. Her first choice had been the Naval Academy; she planned to ultimately study law and follow in her parent's footsteps at JAG. At the age of 17, she was a tall dark-haired beauty with her father's eyes and engaging smile, but her mother's lithe frame and physique. She continued to be graceful and athletic, while excelling in academics. With her parent's position at JAG, her Papa AJ's letter of recommendation and Harm's graduation from the naval university, she was considered a shoe-in at the Academy.

The only problem with her desired plan, was her current boyfriend and 'love of her young life', Jordan. While Sophie thrilled at the idea of following in her family's military legacy, Jordan wanted nothing to do with the military. He didn't want his girlfriend attending the Academy and definitely didn't want her joining the Marines.

Sophie came home on a Friday night, in early April, and dropped onto the couch beside her mother. Sighing, she asked, "Where's Dad?"

Mac pulled her daughter up onto the couch and into her embrace. "I'm not sure…last I saw, he was in the study. How was your date?"

Sophie shrugged, "OK, I guess."

Mac looked on puzzled, "Something happen with Jordan tonight?" She ran her fingers through her daughter's hair, before twirling a curly lock around her finger.

Sophie scrunched her nose, "We kinda had a fight."

When she didn't continue, Mac carefully dug a little deeper, "What'd you fight about?"

Sophie shrugged again, "You know the usual…he doesn't want me to go to the Academy. He says if I really cared about him…I'd go to Georgetown with him."

Mac pulled Sophie further into her embrace and kissed the top of her head. "What'd you say?"

Sophie's voice grew quieter as she suppressed tears, "I don't know? I told him I wanna go to the Academy then law school, and that I want to be a Marine and a JAG like you." She quickly brushed away a tear, "He said if I really loved him; I'd do what he wanted."

Mac caressed her cheek as she watched Sophie's heart break. "Sweetie, love doesn't work like that. If someone loves you, they don't demand you do things their way…they want you to be happy and successful in your own choices. I haven't heard you tell Jordan, he needs to go to the Academy."

Sophie rolled her eyes and sniffed back the tears, "Mooom, he'd never go to the Academy."

Mac looked deeply into her eyes, "Exactly, so why does he think you should give up your dream for him, when he's not willing to do the same for you?"

Sophie ducked her head from her mother's gaze, "But Mom…if I go to the Academy then he'll break up with me."

Mac placed a finger under her daughter's chin and rotated her head back to her view. "Sophie, if he's gonna break up with you because you won't do everything his way, then he doesn't deserve to have you. You don't make demands like that on someone you love. Real love always wants the other person to be happy."

Sophie teared up again, "But Mom, I love him…what if he walks away."

"Oh Sophie," Mac cradled her daughter and gently rocked her. After several minutes, Sophie visibly calmed and Mac continued, "Sweetie, do you think your Dad would ever make demands like that of me?"

Sophie shook her head, "No, but that's different…you're married."

Mac grinned, "We haven't always been. In fact, it took us a long time to get to that point…mostly because, neither one of us wanted the other to sacrifice something that they loved."

Sophie looked up puzzled, "Like what, Mom?"

Mac smiled, "If I told you all the times we put the other first in those 9 years…we could be here all night."

Sophie smirked, "What did take you and Dad so long? When did you first fall in love?"

It was Mac's turn to shrug, "That's the 10 billion dollar question. I'm not sure either of us could answer it to a specific time. We both knew there was something there the very first time we met, but I think both of us were a little unsure. We'd both been hurt before…we needed time to trust one another." Mac grinned, "That took all of about 12 hours…your Dad bailed me and Uncle Matt out, without giving it a second thought. He flashed that 'flyboy' smile of his and turned on the charm…I acted like I wasn't affected…he tried harder. We became friends first," she pegged her daughter with a determined gaze, "…that's the best place to start."

Sophie looked at her mother with a 'puppy dog' expression, "I understand you might not know the exact time you fell in love, but when did you know for sure?"

"Mmmm," Mac laughed at her daughter's expression, a first love was an interesting time for a young girl, if she didn't get too carried away. "I knew I was in love with your Daddy the first time he took me flying." She shook her head, "It was also the first time we had plane trouble; by the way, don't ever tell your father he crashed." She grinned again and waggled her eyebrows, "They're just HARD LANDINGS."

Sophie laughed in return, "I'll remember that. So how did you know you loved him?"

Mac reached up and hooked an errant strand of hair behind Sophie ear, "Because he cared more about me than himself. I got shot by some crazy hillbillies and couldn't get away fast enough. Your Daddy stayed with me no matter what. He could've gotten hurt as well, but he wouldn't leave my side. He even carried me the last little way to the plane. I knew then that he was something really special. It might have taken a little longer before I admitted it, but looking back…I loved him even then. He put my wants, wishes and feelings above his own, even if it hurt him to do it. He wanted me to be happy above everything else. I did the same for him…that's what took us so long to finally get together. But all those sacrifices, in the end, got us to where we are today. I think we appreciate and love each other more because we had to wait and really work at it…we treasure it more because of what it took to get here. Does that make sense?"

Sophie nodded deep in thought, "I guess so. You're saying that if Jordan really cared about me; he wouldn't want me to sacrifice for him…he wouldn't put his wishes first…and vice versa."

Mac smiled and leaned forward to kiss her cheek, "I think she's got it. Sophie, you and Jordan are really young…and before you get upset at that comment, let me finish. If Jordan is really the one for you, then you both have plenty of time to figure that out. You both need to get your education and get settled in life a bit first. If Jordan can't wait for that or can't let you succeed…then he doesn't deserve you." She ran her finger down Sophie's cheek, "Sweetie, you need to hold out for someone like your Daddy. They're one in a million, but wholly worth the wait."

Sophie kissed her mother before snuggling into her embrace, "Thanks Mama, I'll think about it."

xxxxx

Listening to her parents' advice and her own heart, Sophie attended the Naval Academy in the fall of 2024. She and Jordan kept up a casual correspondence during the fall months. When Sophie came home for Christmas, they caught up with a group of friends for a night out. She returned home that evening in a melancholy mood. Jordan had moved on as promised.

Mac consoled her heart broken daughter over a cup of hot chocolate and a roaring fire. "Sweetie, do you remember our discussion last spring? If Jordan didn't care enough to want you to live your dream, then he isn't the one for you." She dried her daughter's tears, "I know it hurts right now…but I promise you, there's someone special just waiting for you to come into their life." She grinned, "You never know…maybe you've already met him."

Sophie sniffed, "I guess…it just hurts. I was so excited to see him again. I thought he'd wait for me, but he didn't even care. He didn't even act like I was his friend."

Mac picked up Sophie's hand and caressed it with her thumb, "Remember what I said…that's the best place to start…being friends, that is. It's not all that seeing stars, can't catch my breath…making you feel giddy stuff. It's the standing next to you, supporting you, wanting you to excel. It's waiting for you to catch up, if one of you falls behind or one of you walks ahead." She cupped her daughter's chin and looked into her eyes, "Bunny, that's what you gotta hold out for."

Sophie grinned, "Bunny…Mom? You haven't called me that in years; don't you think I'm a little old?"

Mac shook her head, "Nope…you'll always be my Bunny or your Daddy's Princess. Just like Sam will always be our Sammy Bear or Peanut." She tweaked her nose, "You may think you're all grown up, but you'll always be our little girl. So if we slip up and call you by an old endearment, just grin and indulge your old folks a little."

At that moment, Sam called from the other room, "Sophie, phone's for you!"

Sophie pursed her lips and exhaled, "I'll be right back, Mom. I hope it's not Jordan…I don't want to talk to him."

She returned 10 minutes later with a smile on her face. Mac grinned at her daughter, "Well, I take it, it wasn't Jordan or you wouldn't have that big grin on your face."

Sophie sat down and snuggled into her mother's arms, "Nah, it was Charlie calling to say 'hi' and wanting to know if we could go out tomorrow."

Mac looked up shocked, "Charlie? As in Charlie Michaelson?"

Sophie nodded, "Yeah, we caught back up at the Academy. He's a year ahead of me. He and his grandparents had moved out west. They didn't really want him to attend the Academy or go into the Navy, but he insisted…he wants to be like his Dad."

"So how is Charlie?"

Sophie blushed, "Tall, dark and handsome…he looks like his Dad, except for his beautiful sky blue eyes."

Mac nodded, "I see…."

Sophie shook her head, "Oh no, Mom…don't even go there. He's just a friend, and your best friend can't be your boyfriend…right?"

Mac pulled her closer in for a hug, "I'll tell you what I told her Aunt Chloe once, in answer to that question. If you're really lucky your best friend can be your boyfriend…and if you're really, REALLY lucky…you can even marry them."

"Mooom!"

Mac laughed, "You have to trust me on this one, sweetie. I'm one of the really, REALLY lucky ones…I married my best friend. Like I said, friendship is the best foundation for something more serious. There's even a saying I heard once…'Love is friendship caught on fire.' I'm not saying that Charlie is the one, but don't count him out just because you've known him since you were in diapers."

"MOOOM!"

xxxxx

Charlie came over for dinner with the Rabbs, two nights later. Harm and Mac watched from a distance as their daughter interacted with her childhood buddy. Sophie was having fun, and Charlie had that same look in his eyes that he did all those years ago.

Harm grabbed Mac's hand and led her into the family room. Once seated on the couch before the fire, he turned to her with a smirk, "You know, Charlie still looks at her with total awe and admiration…I think he's had that same expression since they were 2 and 3 years old."

Mac grinned, "I know what you mean…I think he's been in love with her that long, too. Just don't say that to Sophie…she gets defensive at the mere mention of her best friend being anything more."

Harm looked puzzled, "Why's that…you and I were best friends, and look at us." He leaned over to place a quick kiss on her lips.

"I understand that…and you understand that. I'm just not sure, Sophie's ready to hear it just yet. She and Charlie need time to get reacquainted; although if you watch them together, you'd never know they were separated for 9 years." She smiled, "I can certainly think of worse fates than having Charlie for a son-in-law. He's so much like Bradley, both in looks and demeanor, but if we encourage more…you know our daughter, she'll run in the opposite direction."

He nodded his head, "You can say that again; she sure does have a mind of her own. So we just…stay quiet and casually point out all of Charlie virtues," he waggled his eyebrows."

"Harm! No one ever said subtlety was one of you finer attributes, Flyboy"

He laughed, "I can be subtle!"

She shook her head, "Only when it came to me…thank goodness, you got over that trait." She looked him squarely in the eye then leaned in for a kiss.

"So we just acknowledge 'best friend' status for now and see where it goes."

She nodded, "That's what I told her…it's the best place to start. Besides, your best friend is the perfect person to encourage you, support you…just generally be there to make sure you succeed. I told her that's what 'real' love was all about…not all that hearing music, breathless, can't see straight, stuff."

He grinned and pulled her up to straddle his lap, facing him. "Oh yeah," he leaned in and nibbled on her neck below her ear, then blew on the skin. He smiled when she closed her eyes and shivered. "So the breathless, can't talk or see straight stuff doesn't matter?"

She opened her eyes a bit dazed for a moment then shook her head to clear the cobwebs. Clearing her throat, she continued, "I didn't say it didn't matter…I just said it wasn't the most important part." She smirked, "Besides, I don't think Sophie wanted to hear about, how my skin tingles when you touch the small of my back to lead me into a room…or how I lose all feeling in my legs and toes when you kiss me…or," she grew quieter as she spoke, "…how I fall in love with you all over again, when you look at me across a crowded room and act as if I'm the only one there." She leaned over to kiss his crooked ear. "Or how you get goosebumps and your legs buckle when I do this," she licked the tip and blew. He groaned and pulled her to him, kissing her deeply.

At that moment Sophie, Sam and Charlie walked into the family room. Sophie and Sam groaned with looks of disgust and replied simultaneously, "MOM…DAD…get a room! We have company!"

Harm held Mac close in his arms and grinned at his kids. "We have a room. In fact, we own the whole house!"

"Daaad, Charlie's here," Sophie whined.

Charlie laughed, "It's OK, Sir…really, I don't mind. I was really young when my Mom died, but," he looked at Sophie with amazement, "…when my Dad talked about her, I knew he really loved her. I just wish I could have seen more of them…like this, you know in love."

Harm and Mac shared a knowing glance. Then to lighten the mood, Harm leaned toward his wife to lay another kiss on her lips, "In that case…."

"DAD!!!"

"MOM!!!"

Sophie grabbed Charlie's hand to lead him from the room, "Charlie was just leaving then I'm going to my room!"

Sam shook his head and rolled his eyes, "Me too!"

Harm and Mac giggled at their red-faced kids. It was a parent's prerogative to embarrass their children on occasion, and besides it was so much fun.

An hour later, Harm checked on the kids before they turned in for the night. Looking into Sam's room, he found him already asleep with the bedside lamp still on. He crossed the room to turn out the light but paused at the bedside to study his son. Sam was the spitting image of his mother, with her darker complexion and brown hair, and those soulful big brown eyes. He was almost the same height and build as his father, but at the age of 15, he was still growing. He played soccer, like his sister, but also enjoyed basketball. He was at the top of his class academically; but despite his intelligence and athletic abilities, he was still a quiet, reserved and respectful kid. He had girls swooning in his wake, but he seemed oblivious to his charms. Harm shook his head at the irony. With his son having inherited his 'head buried in the sand' mentality for his effect on the opposite sex; Harm only hoped it wouldn't take his son as long to acknowledge the 'love of life' as it had taken him. He wanted grandchildren while he was still young enough to enjoy them, after all. He shook off a chill at that thought…where had that come from? Sam was only 15; he still needed to get through college and medical school. Sam had been unwavering in his resolve to pursue medicine as a profession. Harm leaned over to place a kiss on his son's forehead and whispered, "Goodnight, Sammy Bear." He stood up to turn out the light and smiled; he was only allowed to indulge in that endearment when his son was unaware.

As he started to close the door, Riley approached to be granted passage into her master's bedroom. Maggie, the Wonder Dog, had lived to the ripe old age of 15. While both kids had loved the old dog, she'd always been Sophie's 4-legged best friend and protector. When Maggie had died, the family decided to put off replacing her. However last spring, with Sophie's departure to the Academy looming, Sam had asked for a new pet. He'd picked out another golden retriever puppy and christened her Riley, The Magnificent. They'd become fast friends, almost immediately. Harm patted her head and ruffled her ears. Opening the door, he whispered, "Look after him in his dream, Riley."

He sighed as he closed the door and ventured across the hall. Knocking lightly on Sophie's door, he paused awaiting an invitation to come in. At her acknowledgement, he slowly opened the door and peeked his head inside. She scurried to hide the old cream-colored chenille bunny that had been her friend and confidante, since her time in the NICU. Harm smiled at the sight and pretended not to notice that his 18-year old daughter still had her favorite childhood toy. He wondered how many secrets had been passed between the two over the intervening years; even if she looked like an adult, she was still his little girl.

He smiled at his daughter, "Mind if I come in?"

She shook her head, "Not unless you and Mom want to embarrass me again. I can't believe you did that in front of Charlie. It's bad enough that Sam and I have to watch."

He grinned, "What…you don't want to know that your Mom and I are still in love?"

Sophie blushed, "No, it's not that. It's just that," she shrugged and mumbled, "…you're getting kinda old."

Harm laughed at his daughter's discomfort and waggled his eyes, "Not THAT old and certainly not DEAD!"

"DAD!!!"

He laughed, "Alright, I'll quit." He walked further into the room and patted the bed, "Mind if I sit down?"

She shook her head, "No…that's OK."

He sat on the side of her bed and looked around the room deep in thought. Despite recent updates, the room still had the same framework and warmth as the nursery that he and Mac had once lovingly designed. He studied the crown moldings, the chair rail…Sophie had even agreed to keep the mural on one wall, stating, 'Mama had painted it to remind her that dreams could come true.' He glanced at the window seat on the far wall. It had served its purpose; Sophie and Maggie had spent hours in that location, reading, thinking…dreaming. He was glad that Mac had talked him into keeping the house when they'd moved to Naples. This old house held a lot of good memories. He was roused from his daydreams by Sophie's voice.

"Dad, you still with me."

He scrubbed a hand over his face, "Yeah, just lost in some old memories. It was great to see Charlie again."

Sophie rolled her eyes, "Don't start, Dad. Charlie and I are just friends."

He patted her leg, "Did I say you weren't?"

She leaned her head back against the headboard, "I know what you and Mom are thinking, but I'm not ready for anything more than friendship. Besides, underclassmen can't date."

He grinned and gave her leg a squeeze, "I know…I attended the Academy, remember? BESIDES," he emphasized the word for her benefit, "…you need to concentrate on your studies. You don't need any distractions."

She rolled her head back toward him, "Dad, when did you fall in love with Mom?"

"What brought that on?" he shook his head puzzled.

She shrugged, "I asked Mom the same question last spring."

"What'd she say?"

She grinned impishly, "Avoiding the question, Admiral?"

"NO! Just trying to get our stories straight."

She wagged a finger at him, "No, no…you're not allowed to corroborate your stories. Mom already answered; it's your turn." She fixed him with a glare, "What took you so long, Dad?"

He looked away, "You know…you really are going to be a great lawyer one day, young lady."

"Stop stalling!"

He shook his head, "Alright, let me think about it. Well, I can't say it was love at first sight…although there was something there from the beginning."

She laughed, "That's what Mom said, are you sure you didn't rehearse your answers."

He pegged her with a glare, "I believe that constitutes badgering the witness. Now, do you want to hear this or not?"

"Go ahead," she extended her hand in mock acquiescence.

"I swear, you sound more like your mother everyday."

"I'll take that as a compliment, Dad."

He leaned forward, "You should…now as I was saying. At first, your mom threw me for a loop…she wasn't affected at all by my fighter jock cockiness or charm…not even my smile." He grinned, "She told me it was a nice smile, but she didn't know me…and it wasn't going to get me anywhere with her." He tweaked her nose, "I didn't find out until later that she'd lied…my smile makes her weak in the knees."

"DAD, PLEASE! I don't want to know about that!"

He laughed, "You, young lady are so easy to rile. Anyways, your mama was my best friend, almost from the minute we met. I knew I had feelings for her the first time I kissed her on a dock in Norfolk, but I didn't admit to myself, that I loved her, until she followed me to Russia. She put her life on the line to help me find out what happened to your Frampa Harmon. After that, I think both of us knew we cared deeply, but if we'd gotten involved…one of us would have had to give up JAG, and neither of us were willing to let the other make that sacrifice. Once, your Mom tried to," he paused trying to find words to explain the debacle on Sydney harbor, "…to get me to let go, but I couldn't. I almost lost her after that, because I wouldn't let myself lose control emotionally…professionally, or in any other way. Lucky for me, fate is more resilient…and your mother forgiving. It took us awhile, but we finally got it right."

He paused and picked up her hand, "I'm not sure either of us would have treasured what we have now, if we hadn't worked so hard to get here."

Sophie squeezed his hand and whispered, "That's what Mom said, too."

He reached up to dry his daughter's tears, "Your mom's a smart lady. Sophie, I don't want you to rush into anything. My wish for you and Sam is to find the love and happiness that I've had with your mother." With that he leaned over to place a kiss on her cheek, "I love you. Night, Princess."

"Love you, too. Goodnight, Daddy."

Harm walked to the door and paused just before exiting, "Sweet dreams…see you in the morning." He closed the door and walked down the hall to the master suite. As he opened the door, he noted the dark interior, 'Damn, Mac's already asleep.' He busied himself with preparing for bed and then slid into the cool sheets, spooning up behind his wife.

She turned in his embrace, "Hey, the kids asleep?"

He ran a hand down her arm, settling it at her hip, "Sam's out, but Sophie's still awake. We had a…discussion. She wanted to know when I fell in love with you."

Mac reached up to caress his cheek, "What'd you say?"

He turned his head to kiss her palm, "That I wasn't sure exactly, but probably somewhere between Norfolk and Russia."

She frowned, "You told her about Norfolk…about Diane?"

He ran a finger over her brow to relax the creases then dragged it down her cheek to her lips. "No…I just said that was the first place I kissed you; I didn't elaborate." He leaned over to run his lips over hers then whispered, "Mac, I don't know when I first fell in love…it feels like I've loved you forever."

"I know what you mean…I think I've loved you my entire life, even before a I knew you," was whispered as she pulled him down to deepen the kiss.

xxxxx

_**AN:** For those who have asked about Mac meeting Sophie…you'll have to tune in tomorrow._


	27. Chapter 19

**_AN:_** A shorter chapter before the home stretch, but it's what you've been asking for. Hope you enjoy and thanks for reading.

**Part 19**

07:15

Sunday, May 21st, 2006

Rabb House

Harm jerked awake muttering the phrase, "Loved you forever." He squinted against the morning sunlight streaming through the bedroom windows. He couldn't remember a time when he'd felt this exhausted. Glancing at the clock, he groaned and rolled out of bed. He padded into the bathroom and took care of his morning routine including showering and shaving. As he brushed his teeth, he took note of the bottles of toiletry products and what nots that adorned the counter. Picking up a bottle of Mac's favorite perfume, he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. He loved that scent, floral, exotic with just a hint of spice. Immediately an image of Mac, in a black evening gown, ensconced in his arms and dancing at a formal ball filtered into his mind. This was followed by the phrase, 'Mac, I don't think of you as my sister.' He shook his head to clear the memory and muttered, "I should hope not." Then frowned, "When I reach the point of getting maudlin over a fragrance, it's time for her to come home. I want the real thing not just a dream and a bottle." He smiled, "Although that scent and a dream kept me going for years, before I had the real thing." He capped the perfume and replaced it on the counter then turned and head down to the kitchen.

Flicking the on switch for the coffee maker, he smiled when the rich aroma hit his nose. Unable to wait for the entire pot to finish brewing, he quickly exchanged a mug in its place to capture the first cup of the morning. Taking a big gulp, he let the bitter liquid swish around his mouth a few times before closing his eyes and swallowing with a gratified 'ah'. Several more gulps later, he was almost feeling human again. He reached for the phone to check in with the NICU. Satisfied that Sophie had had a good night, he hung up and paced the floor. He was anxious to get back to the hospital but stranded without his car. Debating a few minutes longer, he phoned AJ and negotiated his way into a breakfast date and a ride an hour ahead of schedule.

He grabbed the morning paper and settled in with a second cup of coffee to wait out the next hour. AJ arrived at 09:00 on the dot to retrieve the impatient father and start the morning hospital routine.

They enjoyed a quiet breakfast, where AJ insisted that Harm eat more than toast and juice before he chauffeured him to the hospital. With a promise to visit Mac and Sophie at a more appropriate hour of the day, AJ left Harm at the front door of Bethesda.

xxxxx

09:45

Sunday, May 21st, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Antepartum Unit

Harm walked into Mac's room to find her grumbling over her breakfast and life in general. She was tired of being in that bed, the breakfast was not edible, and she wanted to see her daughter. Harm presented her with a peace offering of freshly squeezed orange juice and a yogurt parfait, consisting of fresh raspberries, granola and raspberry yogurt. Her eyes lit up as she whispered, "I love you, Sailor."

Once breakfast was finished and he'd helped her freshen up, they settled in to wait for Dr. Abrahms' arrival and permission to visit the NICU. As if summoned on cue, the doctor arrived 10 minutes later with a cheery smile. "Good morning you two. How's my patient feeling today?"

Mac smiled sweetly, "I'm fine…can I go visit Sophie?"

Dr. Abrahms raised a brow, "Fine, as in you won't tell me anything else, so you can get your way? Or fine, as in you really feel good?"

Mac opened her mouth to reply, but was cut off by her husband, "I think that would be the first choice." She glared back and growled at him.

The doctor smiled, "Alright, you two…it's too early in the morning for sparing. Sarah, your blood pressures have all been good overnight, even off the magnesium. I think if you take it easy," he fixed her with a serious glare, "…that you can go for a couple of brief visits to the NICU." He pointed a finger, "But if you overdo it and your blood pressure goes back up, then you're back on bedrest. Do I make myself clear?"

Both members of the couple nodded and answered, "Yes Sir."

"Alright, let me just take a quick look at your incision and then I'll get out of your hair." Dr. Abrahms lifted her pajama top and removed the dressing over the surgical site. Harm looked over and grimaced at the bruised skin. "This looks fine, Sarah. I'll have the nurse come replace the dressing. I'm also putting you on a milder pain med. I know you're worried about taking them, but I don't want your blood pressure elevated again because of pain. So…please, take the meds. Do either of you have any questions?"

Mac shook her head, but Harm piped up, "Why's her skin so bruised? It wasn't that color yesterday?"

Dr. Abrahms explained, "When we do the C-section, we don't wanna make a huge incision…so we stretch the skin and muscles a little to get the baby out. The darker color today, is just the normal progression before resolution of the bruise. Any other questions?"

Mac again shook her head, anxious to get to Sophie. Harm again spoke up, "How long should Mac be out of bed? I want to make sure she's OK?" Mac scowled her displeasure, but he looked the other way, ignoring her antics.

The doctor shook his head; these two must have been a C.O. nightmare. "I think she should limit herself to 20-30 minutes and not more than 2 visits today. If she does OK with that, then she can stay up longer tomorrow."

Mac loudly replied, "I'm here in the room you know…you can talk to me. And NO, we don't have anymore questions," she pegged her husband with a warning glare to stay quiet.

The doctor laughed, "I'll see you tomorrow, Sarah." With a wave goodbye, he left the room.

She glared at Harm, "Harm, did you have to ask so many questions? I really want to visit Sophie."

He came over and sat on the bed next to her, "I know you do, sweetheart…but I want to make sure you don't have a relapse. I couldn't go through that again; and besides, I want you to come home as soon as possible."

Mac studied him a little closer. He had dark circles under his eyes and looked worn and haggard. Reaching a hand up to his face, she traced the circles, "Harm, are you OK? You don't look so good yourself, Sailor."

He pushed his cheek further into her hand, relishing in the comfort of her touch. "I'm fine, just a little tired I guess."

She pulled him forward and kissed his forehead, making sure he didn't have a fever with the gesture. He maneuvered to lay his head against her shoulder and sighed in relief at the contact. She smiled, "Does that sigh mean you missed me?"

He sighed again, "More than you'll ever know. I figured something out last night."

She ran her hand up and down his thigh in a soothing gesture, "Oh yeah…what's that?"

He grabbed her hand and held on tight, "Despite all my years of bachelorhood and living alone…I don't like it very much. And I really don't like sleeping by myself."

She smiled at the somewhat befuddled compliment, "Does that mean you plan to keep me?"

He nodded against her cheek, "Trust me Mac…I'm never letting you go again. We're in this for life."

She turned her face to place a kiss on top of his head, "Good thing, Flyboy…'Cuz, I'm never letting you go, either." She grinned into his hair, "See how that worked out perfectly?" When she didn't get a response, she paused to listen to the quiet in the room and could just make out a soft snore coming from her sailor. She reached up to caress his cheek. They needed to wait for the nurse anyways; he might as well catch a few minutes of sleep in the mean time.

Sally Martin breezed into the room 20 minutes later, with bandage supplies in hand. "Good morning, Col…" she quieted as Mac placed a finger to her mouth to shush the noise. The nurse smiled at the image of the tall naval Captain, curled up asleep on his wife's shoulder. She whispered back, "Rough night?"

Mac nodded slightly, "Seems so…rough couple of nights, I'd say."

The nurse gestured toward the bandages and quietly walked to the bedside. She replaced the dressing with a minimum of movement and noise. Turning to leave the room, she glanced back and whispered, "I'll leave a wheelchair just outside the door, so you can visit Sophie once he wakes up."

Mac nodded in response and set her internal clock to wake up her sleeping sailor in 20 minutes. Tired or not, she wanted to see her daughter. Two minutes before the alarm, Harm startled awake and blinked at the unfamiliar scenery, trying to get his barring. Scrubbing a hand over his face, he sat up straight, "I'm sorry, Mac. I didn't mean to fall asleep."

She smiled acknowledgement, "That's OK, Sailor. I was gonna wake you up in 2 more minutes…you beat the MacKenzie alarm clock." She gave him a puzzled look, "I think you forgot to do something today."

He glanced down at himself, buttons all done, fly up, socks matched. He ran a hand over his face, shaved smooth…teeth brushed. "I don't think so, Mac. What did I miss?"

She raised a brow, "How about a good morning kiss?"

He grinned and leaned in close, whispering against her lips, "That I can do."

Once he'd kissed the daylights out of her, she leaned back and sighed, "Yep, better than coffee. Now let's go see Sophie."

He smiled, "Yes Ma'am."

xxxxx

10:40

Sunday, May 21st, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

NICU

Harm pushed the wheelchair close to the scrub sink and explained the procedure. As Mac attempted to lean forward, she winced in pain. "I don't think I can do this, Harm."

"You have to, sweetheart. They want us to scrub so we don't pass on any germs to Sophie…we don't want her to get an infection." He studied the sink and then Mac, trying to figure out how to get water on her hands without leaning over the sink.

They were rescued, a moment later, by the unit clerk, "Good morning, Captain Rabb. I take it, this is Sophie's mommy?"

Harm smiled back, "Yes, this is my wife, Colonel Sarah MacKenzie-Rabb. She's here for her first visit, but we're not quite sure how to have her scrub." He pointed to the sink and then back toward Mac.

The clerk grinned and extended a can toward the pair, "That's what this is for, Sir. It's a foam disinfectant that doesn't need water. If you'll just rub it into your hands, Ma'am." She squeezed a dollop of the foam onto Mac's hands.

Mac rubbed in the cream and then asked, "I don't need to wash it off? I don't want to expose my daughter to any dirt or bacteria."

The clerk shook her head, "No ma'am, you're fine. The doctors and nurses use it all the time. You're free to go visit Sophie, now."

Harm leaned over to Mac, "Ready to see our girl?" Mac's eyes lit up as she nodded in the affirmative. He turned the wheelchair and slowly moved through the NICU.

Mac watched in awe as they passed warmer beds and incubators. She jumped when an alarm started to blare and paled when a team of NICU personnel jumped up to begin working on the patient. As they passed further into the NICU, she heard an infant crying, while a physician and nurse tried to draw blood. She turned away as tears appeared in her eyes. With a shaky voice, she asked, "Harm, can we just get to Sophie's room…I can't stand to watch all this."

He placed a hand on her shoulder, "We're almost there, just hold on a second longer. I know this is overwhelming…I almost passed out, the first time, I walked through here." He pulled up to Sophie's room and maneuvered the wheelchair inside. "Here we go." He leaned down and wiped the tears from her terrified eyes, "Hey, it's OK, sweetheart. I know it's scary, but Sophie's doing better." Mac's eyes darted from the bedside, to the monitor, to the oscillating ventilator. He gently pulled her face back so that she looked into his eyes instead, "Sarah?" When he didn't get a response, he put his hands on either side of her face, "Sarah…sweetheart, are you OK? Do you want to go back to your room and lie down?"

She looked into his eyes and gave a barely discernable shake of her head. Taking a deep breath, she whispered, "No, I'm OK. I just…she's so…."

Tears again flooded her eyes, he leaned forward to touch his lips to her forehead and whispered over and over, "She's going to be OK…she's going to be OK…." When she finally calmed, he pulled back and smiled, "You still with me? If this is too much, we can go back to the room."

She took his hand in hers and squeezed, "No, I want to see my little girl." He squeezed back and then pushed the wheelchair up to Sophie's bedside. Her eyes widened at the sight of the small baby, "I had no idea, she was so small." She reached out to touch Sophie's hand, but pulled back, "Will I hurt her? I don't want to touch her, if I'll hurt her."

He reached his hand up to stroke Sophie's arm, "No, you won't hurt her…she likes to know you're here." He took Mac's hand in his own and placed them both on Sophie's head, "There, she likes our touch…see."

Mac gently rubbed her finger over the baby's soft hair then traced it down her face, stopping at the breathing tube. She studied the baby's response; Sophie began sucking on the breathing tube when Mac's finger stimulated her cheek and lips. Mac looked up at Harm in awe, "She's sucking on the tube." He smiled and nodded back. She ran her finger further down Sophie's neck and chest. Laying her fingertips on the infant's jiggling skin, "Why does her chest move like that?"

The bedside nurse moved a little closer to offer answers without intruding on the emotional moment of the first visit. "Hello Colonel, I'm Bobbie…Sophie's primary nurse. I'll be glad to answer any questions you might have."

Mac frowned, "Why does her chest jiggle…doesn't it bother her?"

Bobbie smiled, "That's because of the ventilator. She's on a special ventilator, called an oscillator. It breathes really fast, kind of like a stereo speaker oscillates in and out. The babies don't seem to mind the rapid movement at all…it seems to put them to sleep."

Mac looked up puzzled, "Why's she on a special ventilator?"

"Well, her lungs weren't working well enough on the regular ventilator. That's why we had to use the oscillator…and why we had her on the special medication for high lung blood pressures," the nurse explained.

Mac looked at Harm with shock, "You didn't tell me she was that sick. You said she was doing OK."

He kneeled down next to the wheelchair, "Sweetheart, most of the time that was going on, you were still unconscious. Once, you woke up…she was doing better. I didn't want to worry you; your blood pressure was already too high."

Mac rubbed a hand across her temple, "But…."

Bobbie interceded, "He's right, Colonel. Sophie's worst time was her first night. Since we got her stabilized on the oscillator and medications, she's been doing quite well. We've been able to wean the ventilator and she's off the lung blood pressure medicine. In fact, she's almost off all of her blood pressure medicines."

Mac bit her lip and nodded, trying valiantly to stem the tears that threatened to fall. Harm pulled her face to his and kissed her temple, "Are you ready to go back to your room?"

She shook her head and whispered, "Not yet…just a few more minutes, please."

He kissed her again then stood up, "OK, 5 more minutes then back to bed. Dr. Abrahms said you shouldn't stay up too long."

She exhaled a shaky breath then again studied her daughter. She ran her finger down the baby's arm and gently caressed the small hand. Leaning forward to place a kiss on the skin, she winced in pain, unable to complete the gesture. Instead, she kissed her fingertip and placed it against Sophie's palm. She moved her fingers lower down Sophie's abdomen and legs. Pausing, she asked, "What are these tubes in her belly button?"

Bobbie pointed at the lines, "Those are IV lines in her artery and vein. They let us give her fluids and medications…and we don't have to stick her to draw blood."

Mac gasped at the thought, "Doesn't it hurt her to have IV's in her belly button?"

The nurse shook her head and smiled, "No, actually there's no feeling in the umbilical cord. She didn't feel anything when we put them in. That's why we like to have them…they don't hurt…and they last longer than a regular IV."

Mac swiped at a tear and sniffled, before moving her hand down Sophie's leg. When she reached the tiny foot, she picked it up and looked back at Harm, "Her toenails are so small. I guess she'll have to wait a while before we can have a toenail painting party."

He grinned and touched the little toes, "I thought the same thing when I saw them. I can just see the two of you with bright pink nail polish. I have a feeling that she's going to be all girl."

She looked up at him in challenge, "Oh yeah, why's that."

He shrugged, "I don't know…it's just a feeling I have. Of course, that doesn't mean she can't take on the boys…she's going to be Navy, after all."

Mac pegged him with a glare, "You mean Marine…your looks, my brains…remember? The brain controls the personality, determination, decision making, not the looks. Our son can be Navy!"

He rolled his eyes, "We'll see…I don't know if I can take another female, in my life, giving me the 'I'm a Marine' speech."

Bobbie snickered at the pair, "I'm with you ma'am…there can never be too many of us, marines."

Mac looked back at her husband with an impish grin, "Hear that, Sophie. Us females have to stick together." The statement was followed by a deep yawn.

"Alright, it's back to bed with you, Marine…and no more ganging up on the only male in this family. To quote a version of one of your lines, 'One Marine in my life is enough'." He squeezed her shoulder playfully, before moving the wheelchair away from the bed and out the door. He walked quickly through the NICU, trying to avoid a repeat of the emotional breakdown that occurred at their arrival.

xxxxx

11:15

Sunday, May 21st, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Antepartum Unit

By the time he got her back to the room, Mac's eyes were drooping and she was fading fast. He parked the wheelchair next to the bed and set the brakes. He came around front and knelt before her, taking her hand, "Hey Marine, do you think you can stand up to get into bed or do I need to get reinforcements?"

She blinked sleep-laden eyes and yawned, "I think I can stand up if you help me."

He reached under her arms and assisted her in standing. Once she was on her feet, he pulled her close into a hug and sighed, "I've been wanting to do that for days." They stood there for several minutes, swaying to unheard music, with him supporting her weight. When her head fell forward and bounced off his chest, he laughed and maneuvered her into the bed. Pulling the blanket over her legs, he reached up to brush the hair from face, "Mac? Sweetheart, do you need any pain meds before you fall asleep?" When he received no reply, he leaned over to kiss her forehead and whispered, "I guess if you're already asleep…you don't need anyone to wake you, to give you meds…so you can fall asleep." He shook his head at the thought of typical hospital logic…wake the patient up, to see if they need anything to help them fall asleep.

As he began moving the wheelchair away from the bed, she looked up and mumbled, "Harm, are you coming to bed?"

He grinned at her sleep-induced confusion, "Ah Mac, we're not at home…you're in the hospital."

She glanced around the room with squinting eyes then replied, "Don't care…come to bed, anyways." He pushed the chair into the hall before he heard her call, again. "Harm?"

He walked back into the room, "I'm right here, Mac. Now, go to sleep before I get the nurse to give you those pain meds."

She wrinkled her nose and gave a sleepy plea, "Please, I can't sleep without you…just for a little while."

He sighed and toed off his shoes. He had to admit; he was exhausted as well, what could it hurt. Reaching out to give a gentle push, he whispered, "Scoot over." She complied and rolled into his arms, as soon as he was flat on the bed. Releasing simultaneous sighs, of contentment at the contact, they both fell into a deep exhausted sleep.

xxXXxx

_Last chapter will be posted tomorrow…but at least it's another long one and will post in 2 sections. See ya tomorrow._


	28. Chapter 20a

_**AN: **This is the end of the tale. I hope you have all enjoyed MY version of the rest of Harm and Mac's life. Despite what a few may say to the contrary, I think Harm and Mac will be blissfully happy and content. They took too long and worked too hard to get to the point of marriage for them take anything for granted. For all of you who have reviewed this story…thank you so much for the kind words, you make writing all the more enjoyable._

**Part 20a of two parts**

11:30

Sunday, May 21st, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Antepartum Unit

Harm inhaled deeply in his sleep, smiling as he detected the floral and orange scent of Mac's shampoo. He relaxed deeper into the bed, pulling Mac firmly into his embrace. The images of his dreams flitted through his mind before settling onto the image of a formal event.

It was May 18th of 2030, and the Rabb family was enjoying a double celebration. Harm watched with pride as his son led his mother to the front of church and kissed her gently on the cheek, before helping her into the designated pew. Sam made a striking image with his 6-5 height, dressed in formal Naval mess dress. He had just completed his 3rd year at the Academy and had been offered early acceptance to the University of Virginia School of Medicine in the fall of 2031. He had already decided to follow in his father's footsteps and serve in the Navy upon his graduation from the Academy.

Harm paced nervously in the church vestibule awaiting the beginning of the ceremony. He thought back over the events of the previous 2 years. He'd been asked by the new Republican President to leave his position as the JAG and join his cabinet. He received his 4th star along with his appointment to the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff after the 2028 election. Mac had been offered the position of JAG, but declined it to remain the Chief Trial Judge of the Judiciary. She'd received her 2nd star, 3 years earlier. They'd both decided, that at the end of Harm's 4-year term, they'd retire to civilian life. Both hoped to spend their time enjoying hobbies, travel and hopefully just being grandparents. In Mac's stead, the Navy still managed to appoint their first female JAG. To everyone's surprise, now Admiral Tali Mayfield had been early promoted to the post. She was fulfilling her duties with honor, integrity and fortitude. Much to the SecNav's consternation, she wasn't a pushover. Harm contemplated whether his daughter might one day have the opportunity to fill the same command post; but then thought, he wasn't sure he'd want his little girl to have to deal with the likes of a Secretary of the Navy. The world was an ever-changing place after all.

Sophie, his thoughts wandered to his firstborn. She had graduated from the Academy in 2028, and as promised, joined the Marine Corp. like her mother. She had just completed her 2nd year of law school at the University of Virginia, and was promised a position in the JAG Corp. upon her completion. Her soon to be husband had also graduated from the Academy, and was currently a fighter pilot in the Navy. Harm shook his head and smiled; there was still a member of the Rabb family flying jets. He just hoped, the fact that said family member wasn't a blood relative, meant the Rabb curse for crashing planes ended with him. Sophie and her fiancé had approached he and Mac, with a simple request. The promised pair had wanted to be married on Harm and Mac's 25th Wedding Anniversary; but since that day fell on a Monday, the wish was not to be. In compromise, it was decided that Sophie should be married in a formal evening wedding, on Saturday, May 18th with the understanding that her parents would join in the celebration. Harm and Mac had balked at the idea of impinging on their daughter's special day, but Sophie refused to be wed unless her parents also celebrated their anniversary. So this 18th day of May, in the year of 2030, was to see two Rabb celebrations: the first, the beginning of a new union with future and promise, and the second, a more mature union still blessed with love for eternity.

Harm glanced up at the noise of a rustling gown, before him stood a vision of beauty in the form of his daughter. Sophie had always been tall, elegant and beautiful; but tonight, she took his breath away. She was dressed in a gown of cream silk. The bodice was beaded with pearls and dipped in the front to set off the pearl choker around her neck; the back dipped further still and was lined in small satin buttons at the midline. The skirt was form-fitting at the waist but flared as it descended to the floor. The train attached to the back waistline in a series of tiny tucks and pleats. The hem of the skirt and train were edged in imported lace and beaded with pearls. She wore a pearl choker with a filigreed diamond locket suspended from the center; her ears were adorned with a similar pearl and diamond design. The jewelry had been an heirloom passed on to Sophie from her Gummy Trish at her death. Sophie's hair was pinned to the crown of her head in a series of curls that then cascaded to the nape of her neck. Her veil was attached to a ring of flowers that intermingled with the dark curls of her hair. In her hand, she clutched a cascade of cream-colored roses. Sophie had insisted on roses, for the wedding floral theme, in honor of her parents' first meeting and the beginnings of the Rabb Family story.

He approached his daughter, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. He leaned in to place a kiss on her cheek and whispered, "You look absolutely beautiful, princess." He extended his right arm and she placed her hand through the bend of his elbow. He winked once and smiled, "Are you ready for this?" She smiled back, fighting tears of her own, and nodded in affirmation. As the doors were opened, the music of Pachelbel's, _Kanon in D_, rang from the chimes of the organ, filling the sanctuary with its elegant refrain. He took a deep breath and stepped forward, guiding his daughter in the processional that would begin her new life. As he gazed forward to the front of the sanctuary, he looked into the deep blue eyes of the man who had loved his little girl almost as long as he had. Charlie still wore that same amazed look of awe, admiration and love that he had that very first Christmas Day so long ago. Harm couldn't have asked for a more perfect man to entrust with one of his greatest treasures.

The wedding and anniversary reception was held at the National Botanical Gardens just as Harm and Mac's had been 25 years prior. The bridal couple and her family waltzed through all the obligatory dances, toasted and cut the cake, and accepted congratulations from all the well wishers in attendance. Finally, as the night grew to a close, the orchestra played one last song. As the first notes filled the room, Harm approached his wife and extended his hand. "Dance with me?" A radiant smile graced her face, as she nodded to her eternal love. He pulled her into his arms and began to softly sing the words. He had picked the song because he thought the sentiment described their love. The words of each verse read like an academic discussion of the conventionally held views of love: flowers, candy and the like. But the refrains, those were the words and music of two lovers in conversation and dance: emotional, intimate and caring.

_The book of love is long and boring_

_No one can lift the damn thing_

_It's full of charts and facts and figures and instructions for dancing_

_xxxXXXXxxx_

_But I_

_I love it when you read to me_

_And you_

_You can read me anything_

_xxxXXXXxxx_

_The book of love has music in it_

_In fact that's where music comes from_

_Some of it is just transcendental_

_Some of it is just really dumb_

He pulled her closer into his embrace and settled their joined hands over his heart. He softened the tone of voice and sang the words into her ear with the conviction and emotions of a deeply held prayer.

_But I_

_I love it when you sing to me_

_And you_

_You can sing me anything_

_xxxXXXXxxx_

_The book of love is long and boring_

_And written very long ago_

_It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes_

_And things we're all too young to know_

As he guided her around the dance floor, the noise of the room stilled, except for the beautiful notes of the orchestra's refrain. He gentled his words further and with the slightest of movement signaled his daughter to approach.

_But I_

_I love it when you give me things_

_And you_

_You ought to give me wedding rings_

_And I_

_I love it when you give me things_

_And you_

_You ought to give me wedding rings_

As the final notes and words of the last refrain came to a close, he twirled her away from his embrace and paused briefly to accept a perfect red rose from his daughter. As he gathered his wife back into his arms, her back to his chest, he placed the rose into her fingers. When she had accepted the delicate flower, he reached into its center and withdrew a golden eternity ring, encrusted in diamonds from front to back, in an unending circle. Placing the ring on her finger, he sang the last words of the refrain, altering their text.

_And I_

_I love to give you things_

_And I_

_I ought to give you wedding rings_

_I ought to give you wedding rings_

The final notes dying into the quiet of the night, he pulled her to him and whispering, "I love you, Sarah," placed a kiss upon her lips. When the quietness of the room was interrupted by the applause of their friends, they ended the kiss but remained in a tight embrace. He leaned into her ear and whispered, "The inscription inside the band says 'Love For All Eternity' with the initials H and S intertwined. Thank you for giving me a second chance at eternity." He pulled back to wipe the tears from her eyes and led her out to the balcony away from prying eyes.

As they existed the door, Sophie handed her mother a beautifully wrapped gift. Walking onto the balcony, they breathed in the cool night air and smiled at the familiar scent of roses. They closed their eyes and reveled in the closeness of each other's embrace. After several moments of silence, she ran her hand up his chest and around his neck to get his attention. When he opened his eyes, she extended the gift, "I have something for you as well. I love you, Sailor." He removed the intricate wrappings and opened the box to reveal a gold Rolex watch, with diamonds inset at the four corners, marking the hours. She explained, "It's an automatic watch. It will run for eternity as long as you wear it." She smiled and turned the watch over to reveal its inscription. The engraved words encircled the watch in an unending circle, 'Harm, Thank You For Giving Me Eternity, Love Forever, Sarah'. The 'H' of Harm and the 'h' of Sarah were intertwined in an intimate embrace of sorts. Tears welled in his eyes as he pulled her close and whispered, "Thank you." She whispered back, "It's like our love, eternal. Once we leave this earth, our love will live on in our children. I thought you could pass the watch on to Sam, so that our eternity never has to end."

xxxxx

His dreams moved forward in rapid flashes with fleeting images, but little detail. He saw graduations, another wedding ceremony and births…giggling grandchildren and love, always a deep sense of love and happiness…and contentment.

The final scene came on a fall evening in October of 2046. Harm wandered in through the back door of their small cottage style home. With advancing age, the upkeep of their large 2-story house became increasingly difficult. As Mac's health problems became more severe, it was impossible for her to climb the stairs to their bedroom. Since sleeping apart was not an option either would entertain, they'd made the decision to sell the home that they'd owned for over 30 years. They had been lucky to happen upon the cottage that was now their peaceful abode. Although the house was small, it sat on a beautiful property overlooking a lake. There were gardens that encircled the structure and extended throughout the backyard. They'd spent many evenings together on the back deck just watching the beautiful sunsets over the sparking still water.

As he approached the bedroom, Margaret, the private duty nurse, who had been hired to assist with Mac's care, intercepted him before his final destination. "Sir, could I speak with you for a moment?" He nodded his assent with a smile. Margaret had been a godsend. She was patient and caring, never complaining about the odd extended hours or the meddling interference from family members. She motioned toward the front room, "Perhaps we could sit down and talk in the living room."

Harm felt a sense of dread arise, to form a tight restrictive band around his chest, breathing became almost impossible. He nodded once more, unable to speak. He slowly led the way into the room that was growing dark in the shadows of the evening light. He closed his eyes, overwhelmed by the sense of foreboding, evoked by the darkness. Mac had loved this room. It was bathed in early morning sunlight. She'd commented as such, when they'd first toured the house, the light at sunrise warmed her spirits and drove away the chill that seemed a constant companion to her old bones.

As they sat together on the couch, the nurse turned to him with sorrow in her eyes. She'd been down this road before; it was never easy to let go of someone you loved. This kindly old couple had touched her heart; they were still so connected, so young at heart at heart…so much in love. She gave a slight smile and began to speak, "Admiral Rabb, the General's having a much harder time breathing. She's in constant discomfort," she paused to strength her resolve then continued on in a sympathetic voice. "Sir, I think she holding on for you…she's waiting for you to give her permission to let go. She needs to know that you're going to be OK."

His eyes widened, immediately glazed with tears, "But I don't understand, she seemed so much more alert today. I mean, she visited with Sophie and Sam and all the grandchildren," he begged her understanding.

Margaret bowed her head slightly, avoiding his sad eyes, "I know, Sir. She wouldn't take her morphine, today. She wanted to be alert," she looked up again to make sure he grasped the significance, "…to say, goodbye." She watched as the first of the tears slid down his cheek. She reached out to take his hand, "She needs you to tell her, it's OK."

He closed his eyes, unable to stop the tears, "I don't think I can do that…I can't let her go."

Margaret squeezed his hand, "I know it's hard…but it's the most loving and caring thing, you can do for her. She wants you to be there…with her, just the two of you…she's already said her goodbyes to the children." She paused a moment, "I can stay through the night, if you'd like?"

He shook his head and whispered, "No…we'll be fine. Please, go home to your family."

She nodded back, "Yes, Sir. Can I get either of you anything before I leave?" He shook his head again, but was unable to vocalize the words. Margaret stood and leaned over to place a kiss on his cheek, "It's been a pleasure taking care of Sarah and all of your family. I'll be by in the morning, Sir. Please, call me if…if, you need anything. I'll be home all night." She placed one last kiss on his cheek, and gathering her coat and supplies, headed out the door.

He sat in the dark room, alone with his thoughts. All of Mac's requests, over the course of the day, made sense now. He'd thought it odd that she was so awake. She'd spent the morning visiting with their children and grandchildren. She hadn't had the strength to accomplish that feat in weeks. Then this afternoon, she'd asked him to tell her the story of 'US' from the rose garden, to their marriage, to the birth of their children, and through all of their lives right to the present. When she closed her eyes, he thought she'd fallen asleep, but each time he stopped telling the story…she would open her beautiful brown eyes, and beg him to continue. They'd finally both fallen asleep exhausted at the end of the tale.

He closed his eyes tightly, as the tears continued to fall, how could he let her go. She was as much a part of him, as his own soul. He sat quietly for a long period of time, trying to collect himself, then rose slowly from the couch and dragged his feet down the hall. Pausing again, to place a smile on his face, he slowly opened the door and was immediately met by the sound of her labored breathing. He quietly approached the bed and leaned over to place a kiss on her cheek. She opened her eyes and graced him with a beautiful smile. He returned the smile, "Hey sweetheart, can I get you anything?"

She gave a barely perceivable shake of her head, "No…come…sit with…me." She closed her eyes again, exhausted by the effort.

"I'm coming sweetheart, just let me turn off some of these lights." He turned off each light in the room, leaving only the dim bedside lamp for illumination. Crawling into bed beside her, he pulled her into his arms, with her head resting on his shoulder. They lay quietly for several minutes; both afraid to voice the words, each knew needed to be spoken. The only noise in the room came from the bubbling of the oxygen and her labored gasps.

Finally she opened her eyes, "Harm, I…"

He interrupted her with a soft whisper, "I know, sweetheart. I talked to Margaret, tonight. She told me you wouldn't take your pain meds today." He paused to withdraw a shaky breath, "It's been an amazing journey…thank you for giving me 50 wonderful years."

She looked up into his eyes, "Know I've…been…out…of it…but…only…married 41 years…Sailor."

He smiled then closed his eyes as the tears once again began to fall. "You're right about that, but we met 50 years ago in a rose garden…don't tell me you forgot."

She reached up to his face to wipe away a tear, "Could…never forget…best…day…of…my life. Love…you…forever."

He turned his face to kiss her palm, "Best day of my life, too. Who would have thought, that that first electrical spark of a handshake in a rose garden, would have a led to the most extraordinary journey of love. Thank you for each and every moment. I promise I love you more now than the day that we met and everyday in between." He looked away for a moment to catch his breath, then gazed into her eyes with absolute devotion, "Sweetheart, I know you've tried to keep going for me and the kids…but it's OK to let go…the kids will be fine. They'll miss you, but we raised them to be strong. You're such a huge part of who they are…you'll always be with them, by their side…in their thoughts and dreams…and love." He had to stop speaking to blink back tears, "It's OK to let go…I love you."

She closed her eyes to gain strength, "Promise me…you'll…be OK…too." He looked away lest he reveal his thoughts. "Harm?"

He looked back, "I can't…I can't make that promise. You're the other half of my soul…I can't promise to live without that half."

"Harm…the kids…need…"

He shook his head and looked deeply into her eyes, "I can't…I won't make a promise, I can't keep. Please, Sarah…don't make me."

She placed her finger against his lips to quiet his pleas, "Recite…poetry…for me…please."

He nodded his head and took a deep breath, "Yes…just give me a minute to collect myself." He leaned down to place a kiss on her forehead and then began recite.

_How do I love thee? Let me count the ways._

She looked up, "You…never…did…that one…before."

He kissed her again, "I never thought I could make the words express just how much I love you." He inhaled a deep breath, "But I think I can now…especially now."

She smiled with tears in her eyes, "Thank you…for my…eternity. I…love…you…Sailor."

He closed his eyes and whispered, "I love you too, Marine," and then he began to recite.

_How do I love thee? Let me count the ways._

_I love thee to the depth and breadth and height_

_My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight_

_For the ends of Being and ideal Grace._

_I love thee to the level of every day's_

_Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light._

_I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;_

_I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise._

_I love thee with the passion put to use_

_In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith._

_I love thee with a love I seem to lose_

_With my lost saints, --I love thee with the breath,_

_Smiles, tears, of all my life! --and if God choose,_

_I shall but love thee better after death._

As he spoke the last word, she exhaled her final breath. He placed one final kiss upon her lips then pulled her tightly into his embrace. He repeated over and over, "I love you, Sarah…I love you, Sarah…." As he continued to cry, he inhaled deeply at the crushing pain in his chest. His eyes grew wide, was this what losing the other half of your soul…your heart, felt like? He held onto her body and concentrated on breathing deeply. Finally, after several minutes, he rose from the bed and began to gather his supplies, the box, some stationery and an envelope.

xx

Early the following morning, Sophie let herself into her parent's home. She noticed that the house remained dark and quiet. Despite the early hour, her father was usually up and about, attending to her mother's needs. She softly called out, "Mom, Dad…where is everyone?" Receiving no reply, she went in search of her father. Perhaps, he was outside…she wandered through the kitchen and out onto the back deck, calling his name, "Dad…Dad…it's Sophie. Are you out here?" Again receiving no response, she reentered the house and walked toward the bedroom. The door remained closed with only the faintest of light visible under the threshold. As she reached for the handle, she felt a deep sense of sadness. Pushing open the door, the first thing to hit her senses, was the quiet…absolute quiet. She stilled her movement listening for her mother's raspy breathing or the bubbling of the oxygen…it was so quiet, peaceful even. She walked toward the bed and saw her parents intertwined in each other's arms, locked in an embrace. She approached tentatively, noticing the lack of movement…any movement. They were so still and quiet. She reached out to gently touch first one cheek and then the other. Closing her eyes to stem the tears, she moved away from the bed. Placing a hand over her mouth to stifle a soft cry, she turned to leave the room.

As she walked back through the living room, to gain some composure before calling Charlie and Sam, her eyes fell upon a letter addressed to her. The envelope rested a top a large gift wrapped box. Reaching out with trembling fingers, she retrieved the note and brought it to her face. Inhaling the scent, she closed her eyes, relishing in all of the fleeting memories evoked by the familiar fragrance of her father's cologne. She opened the letter in the dim morning light and began to read.

_My Darling Daughter,_

_If you are reading this letter, then you have discovered that your mother and I have passed on. We did so peacefully and in each other's arms. Margaret spoke with me last evening. Seems your mother knew her time was at hand, she had asked Margaret not to give her any medication yesterday. She wanted to be alert to visit with you and Sam and our beautiful grandchildren, one last time. The two of us spent yesterday afternoon reminiscing about our wonderful 50 years together. Last night, after saying our goodbyes, I kissed her one last time, before she peacefully passed away. She tried to make me promise to go on without her. I told her I couldn't promise to go on with only half a soul. You see, she is the other half of me._

_Before you worry that I did something to myself. I could never do that to you and Sam. However, at the moment of your mother's death, I experienced a deep weight of pain in my chest. I don't know how to explain it, except poetically…a broken heart, perhaps…or loss of half my soul. I once told your mother that we were one soul united in two hearts, and I am convinced you cannot survive with only half a soul. So my princess, I composed this letter with the thought; if I did not awaken from my sleep, you would know what happened. And also know, that your mother and I are together for all eternity…as we always planned._

_With this letter, you will find a box. Enclosed in the box are several things for you and Sam. First, my darling, you will find a series of 5 leather bound journals. Your mother and I started the tradition when you were born. We both went back and composed a journal for the first 10 years of our relationship, so that you could fully understand the depth of our devotion and love. I won't pretend that this first journal is entirely accurate, since it was written retrospectively and through eyes clouded with love. The remaining journals were written as our life unfolded and gives you an idea, both from your mother's and my perspective, of the love and happiness we enjoyed._

_Also included in the box, are two smaller gifts. The first is for you my daughter. Your mother wanted you to have her charm bracelet, so you could have a piece of all the momentous occasions in our life. You see…the bracelet was started at your birth. The very first charm was a small shoe in honor of our first greatest treasure. The second gift is for Sam. Your mother gave me a watch for our 25th Wedding Anniversary. It will run for all eternity, as long it is worn. Your Mother told me, it was like our love…eternal. As long as you or Sam or any one of our grandchildren and great grandchildren are alive, our love lives on for all eternity._

_My Dearest Sophie, I can only wish for you and Charlie all the love and happiness that your Mother and I had the honored pleasure of being granted. Hold on to those you love, they are your greatest treasure and crowing achievement._

_Love For All Eternity,_

_Dad_

She wiped the tears from her eyes and set the letter aside. Reaching for the large box, she carefully removed the wrappings. Taking a deep breath, she withdrew the first leather bound journal. The title across the front said, 'The Journey Through A Rose Garden: The Love Story of Sarah and Harmon Rabb' and below in smaller print was the subtitle, 'The Beginning'. As she flipped through the pages, it became obvious that the journal had been bound to include first her mother's then her father's writings. The subsequent journals were similarly titled, only the subtitles had been altered for the time period included. She smiled at the subtitle of the second book, 'The Birth of a Princess, a Prince and a Bear'.

She set the journal back into the box and withdrew one of the smaller gifts, bearing her name. She walked over to sofa and sat down, only to be bathed in the morning light. She pulled on the delicate bow, releasing the buried treasure. Withdrawing the golden bracelet, the gold and diamonds glittered brilliantly in the sunlight. As she studied the heirloom, she marveled that barely a link was left without a charm. She'd once asked her mother what each charm meant, but her mother had only smiled and replied, "That's a secret between two people hopelessly in love. One day my daughter, I will tell you what mystery each charm holds." Sophie wiped at her tears, now she would never know. As her body shook with deep gut wrenching sobs, the gift box fell from her lap. Even as it hit the floor, a small scrap of ivory paper fell from its hidden depths. Sophie retrieved the note and was surprised to find the words of her mother, _'My Dear Bunny, The mysteries to the charms are revealed in the Journey. Read the Journals my Darling Daughter, and you will understand. My Eternal Love, Mama.'_

xxxxx

Continued in Part 20b


	29. Chapter 20b

**Part 20b of two parts—(PLEASE NOTE: Read Part 20a first)**

12:30

Sunday, May 21st, 2006

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Antepartum Unit

Mac was awakened by the sound of deep gut wrenching sobs. As she blinked her eyes, trying to gain her bearings, she was met by the sight of her husband with tears flowing down his cheeks. She panicked at the sight, once again fearing that something had happened to Sophie. However as she reached up to comfort him, he didn't respond to her words. He simply muttered over and over, "I love you, Sarah…I love you, Sarah…."

She maneuvered over to the side of the bed and took him into her arms. "Harm, sweetheart…you need to wake up. You're dreaming, Sailor." She wiped his tears and repeatedly kissed his face.

It was several minutes before he responded with fluttering eyelids and deep gasps. Blinking rapidly, he whispered, "Mac, you're alive…you're alright. What happened…did Sophie find the box?"

She pulled his head back to her shoulder and quietly soothed, "It's OK, Sailor. I'm fine…Sophie's fine…you were just dreaming, again." He continued to inhale with shaking breaths, as tears soaked her pajamas. "Ssssh, it's OK…let it go. We're all here…everyone you love is just fine, sweetheart. Calm down."

He finally sat up and scrubbed a hand over his face, to dry the tears. Releasing a nervous laugh, he glanced away with a sheepish look, "I'm sorry, Mac. I keep having these dreams. I don't remember them, but I'm always exhausted and drained when I wake up."

She reached up to caress his cheek and turned his face back to her. She gently traced the dark circles under his eyes and wiped away the stray tears that still escaped, despite his best efforts to control them. Pulling his head down, she placed a kiss on his forehead. He snuggled down in her embrace and rested his head on her chest. She held him in her arms, running a hand up and down his back. After a good twenty minutes of silence, she squeezed his side to gain his attention. "What's going on, Sailor? I've never seen you this disturbed…you're gonna wear yourself out."

He remained hidden in her embrace and spoke hauntingly, "Only once before," he released a loud sigh, "…when you went to Paraguay. Luckily I got there in time…before my dreams could come true."

She responded in a gently voice, "Oh Harm, I'm not going anywhere and Sophie's improving. I understand that you've been through a lot in the last 48 hours, but you're never going to survive the ups and downs of Sophie's hospital stay, if you keep going like this. You need to talk to me and let me help." She kissed the top of his head, "Please let me in."

He shook his head, "That's just it, Mac. I can't remember any of it…it seems so important, but I can't remember."

At that moment, Mac's lunch tray was pushed into the room. "Here we are, Colonel Rabb. The doctor liberalized your diet." The tech pushed the tray closer to the bedside, "Can I get you anything else, Ma'am?"

Mac shook her head, "No, thank you…this should be fine." She sat up and lifted the dome from the plate and made a face at the barely recognizable food."

Harm grinned at her, "Come on, Marine. Dr. Abrahms said you need to eat. I want to get you out of here and back home with me." She pushed a fork through the mystery meat and potatoes. Harm stood up from the bed and stretched, "I'm gonna run down to the cafeteria and grab some lunch and coffee, can I get you anything?"

She wrinkled her nose, "No, I'm really not that hungry." Her eyes suddenly lit up, "Didn't you say something about Chocolate Raspberry Ice Cream last night?"

He pointed back at her tray and laughed, "Nice try…lunch first, then we'll talk about ice cream. You need to eat if you want to go visit Sophie, again this afternoon."

She sighed dramatically, "You don't play fair, Sailor…using my daughter and ice cream, as a bargaining chip to get me to eat this…whatever." She pointed at the lunch tray, "I might even be persuaded to eat a salad over this stuff."

He grinned, "I'll see what I can find." Leaning over to give her a kiss, he replied, "I'll be back in a while, sweetheart."

He walked down the familiar hall to the elevators. He was counting the days, until Mac came home, and he could stop living on this floor. Of course, they'd still be here everyday with Sophie, but at least his marine would be home. Stepping into the cafeteria, he checked out the food selections and came to the same conclusion as Mac. The food was inedible…even the salad bar, left something to be desired. He grabbed a cup of coffee and headed outside to enjoy some fresh air, maybe he'd go pick up something for both of them later.

Parking himself on a bench near the front of the hospital, he contemplated his unrelenting dreams. Why couldn't he remember them? He was so deep in thought that he missed the familiar figures, walking through the front entrance. Finishing his coffee, he tossed the cup away and headed back inside.

As he passed the chapel, he paused a moment then decided to step inside. Claiming a back pew, he relaxed into the seat and felt a sense of peace overtake him. After the morning of worried dreams, the silence and peace were a welcome relief. A Navy Chaplain approached and asked if he could help. At Harm's respectful decline, the Chaplain took his leave, with an invitation to return, if Harm felt the need for counsel. He remained in the back pew, enjoying the rare moment of relaxation and meditation. He studied the beautiful stained glass windows; they told a story. He shook his head astonished; in his previous visits over the last two days, he'd noticed very little of the decor of the little chapel. Deep in thought, he lost track of time, never realizing that an hour had passed.

As his thoughts came back to the present, he glanced at his watch and startled with concern. Mac was going to wonder where he'd gotten to; at that moment, Chaplain Turner entered the chapel with a relieved sigh. "There you are, Son. I've been looking for you everywhere. Mac sent me to find you. She needs you in the NICU…as soon as possible…."

Harm looked up in a panic at the words, 'NICU', 'needs you' and 'soon'. He didn't even pause to ask the Chaplain, what was going on. Sprinting through the door, he ran to the elevator, then thought better of it, and took the stairs…two at a time. The kindly old Chaplain had no chance of keeping up, and slowly limping back, chided himself for his choice of words.

Harm arrived in the NICU, out of breath, and raced passed the scrub sink, heading to Sophie's room. As he drew close to the isolation room, the first thing he noticed was the silence. The oscillating ventilator that Sophie was on, made a distinct loud vibrating noise, something a kin to a plane taking off in flight. He stopped dead in his tracks just outside the door…the sound was deafening in its silence. The fear descended on him like a weight. He took a small step then another, afraid to let the scene play out. Closing his eyes, he took the last step into the doorframe. All he could hear was the slight buzzing noise of whispers. As he opened his eyes, he saw the backs of several people congregated around Sophie's bedside. His eyes moved from one to the other of the recognizable forms: Dr. Williams, Sophie's nurse and AJ. He grabbed onto the doorframe, in an attempt to remain upright. Chewing on his bottom lip, he tried unsuccessfully to stifle a cry of pain. How could they lose her now? Not after the turmoil of the last two days…not after she was improving. Tears appeared in his eyes, but despite his best efforts, he couldn't move his feet forward from that spot on the floor.

Mac heard the cry and leaned backwards just in time to watch the crumbling facade of her strong sailor. She cried out, "Harm! AJ help him…someone grab him, before he falls."

The sea of people split in two, giving him the first glimpse of his wife and daughter. His eyes widened as he took in the sight. Mac, with tears in her eyes, held Sophie to her chest. The tears tracked down his cheeks with increasing rapidity at the thought of the loss of his princess.

AJ reached out a firm hand to grasp his arm before he collapsed to the floor. Pulling him along to the bedside, Harm stopped short of Mac's wheelchair. Looking down with a sense of utter despair, he was shocked to see an expression of absolute joy on her face. The last time he'd seen that look of happiness, no pure ecstasy, was as she threw herself into his arms to accept his marriage proposal. He slowly inched closer and reverently kneeled before the chair. As he peered into his daughter's face, he was amazed to find her eye's open and staring back at him. In their depths, he thought he could see the secrets of the world. As he gazed further into her mesmerizing blue-green eyes, he saw glimpses of their future and in that one moment he remembered each and every detail of his dreams.

Mac watched with amazement as the father and daughter studied each other, lost in the depth of the other's unwavering gaze. It was as if they were sharing sacred bits of wisdom and history. After an unknown period of time, Sophie closed her eyes and Harm exhaled a heavy held breath. Mac reached out a hand to caress his cheek, "Harm, are you alright? I didn't mean to scare you…I just thought you would want to hold our daughter." Receiving no response, she drew his face closer to hers, "Sweetheart, are you with me? Sophie's OK…they just changed her to a regular ventilator. She's doing well enough to be held now."

He blinked his eyes in recognition, as a wide beautiful smile appeared on his face. Mac wiped the tears from his cheeks and paused to study him closer. He leaned forward to place a kiss on Sophie's forehead then on Mac's. He smiled against her skin, "I'm more than OK, sweetheart. I'm wonderful and ecstatic and happy and fulfilled and…" he pulled back and stared at her with big eyes, "…I don't know anymore words to describe how I feel."

She laughed at his expression, "You scared me for a minute there, Sailor. I thought we were gonna have to pick you up off the floor." She then grew serious, "Harm, what did you see when you looked in Sophie's eyes…you both were so intent…like you were sharing a secret."

He looked into her eyes with awe, "We were, Mac…sharing secrets that is."

She tilted her head to the side and regarded him for a moment, then as if struck by an epiphany, exclaimed, "Your dreams…you were sharing your dreams.

He nodded with the subtlest of a smile, "Yes…my dreams."

She puzzled, "What did you see…in your dreams, that is?"

He shook his head in wonder, "Our future…Sarah, I saw our future."

Her eyes grew wide with interest and she whispered, "Tell me?"

He took her hand, "No, not this time. I don't want us to live our lives trying to fulfill a dream that might not even be real." He gave her the most amazing smile, "But sweetheart, I will tell you that it's going to be an incredible journey. It might not always be happy…and I promise there will be hard times, but the good times will out weigh those by huge measure."

She begged, "But Harm…"

He kissed her hand, "Trust me? You know that verse, 'Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning'. Sarah, I can't begin to describe the joy…the happiness…the fulfillment. It's going to be absolutely extraordinary." He leaned in to place a kiss on her lips and whispered, "Trust me?"

As he pulled back, she whispered, "Always." Grinning at his contented smile, she asked, "Do you want to hold your daughter?"

He nodded his head unable to speak. Bobbie, the nurse, stepped forward to assist, "Let me lift the baby for a minute, while you change positions."

As he sat down in the bedside chair, the nurse placed his daughter in his arms for the first time. He leaned down to place and kiss on Sophie's cheek then closed his eyes at the feeling of contentment the simple gesture evoked. He smiled at Mac, "She's going be a marine you know."

_The End…of this tale…but I have others to share…_

xxxxx

_**AN:** And thus the journey ends with the DREAMS meeting "REALITY". For those of you who have paid close attention, you will have noticed that the last scene at Sophie's bedside is a perfect replica of one of Harm's first dreams. Some have asked whether the dreams represent a foretelling of the future? The dreams represent my idea of what the Rabb family's future will be, with all the ups, downs and in-betweens, the joys, sorrows and tears. I hope you have found the traveling of this journey to be enjoyable and fulfilling. I would have so loved to have seen this glimpse of our favorite couple's future acted out on the screen, but alas it can only happen in MY DREAMS and imagination. Thank you for reading what turned out to be an epic-length labor of love._

_**AN: References**_

_The song that I present in this chapter is called the "Book of Love" by Peter Gabriel, from the movie "Shall We Dance." If you have never heard the song, I encourage you to listen to it. To thoroughly understand and enjoy the words to this song, you must hear the music. As I described in the story, the chorus/refrain is absolutely beautiful. The musical notes for each word are drawn out in a lilting melody that reminds me of a conversation between two lovers. Listen to the music as you picture Harm singing the words to Mac. _

_Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861); Sonnets From the Portuguese, "Sonnet XLIII" (How do I love thee?)._


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JAG, Drama, Romance