Grey's Anatomy 1. Chapter 1

Meredith's POV:

This is bad, really, really bad. They both are looking at me. Expecting me to choose. I don't know what to do. I stupidly look back and forth between them, as they take turns calling out my name. Finally, I take action; I turn on my heel and run.

I ran until I reached my car. I panicked. I couldn't do it. I couldn't pick between the two of them. I shouldn't have to. For God's sake Derek is married. It shouldn't be so hard for me to pick a man as wonderful as Finn, but something always stops me. Damn him. Why can't he just ever leave me alone?

As I pulled in my drive way the full weight of everything I had just done hit me. With the two of them staring at me like that it was hard to think, to remember, to relive. I felt sick. Derek made me his dirty mistress. Before I could claim some sort of innocence because I didn't know about Addison, but now…

He started it, he always starts it. He shouldn't look at me like that. He shouldn't do this to me, he knows I love him. Is everything just a game to him? He shouldn't use my love for him as a way to get off. Is that why he just had sex with me? Maybe he does love me. But then why won't he leave Addison? I HATE HIM! Ughh, I need to throw up.

Finally, I drag myself out of the bathroom and into my bedroom. I force myself out of my dress and into some random t-shirt and sweatpants. I lay down on my bed. I just want to suffocate myself with my pillows. Why do I always self-destruct? Every time my life seems to be turning around; I hit that self-destruct button and everything blows up in my face. Maybe I'm just not meant to be happy. I quietly set my alarm and fall into what I know is going to be a restless sleep.

Derek's POV

I hear that damn vet of mine call her name. He wants to take her home. He wants to take my Meredith home. I can't let that happen. I need to see her, I need to talk to her, hell I just need to be around. And after what we did tonight…all I want to do it hold her.

"Meredith", I say.

She turns and looks at me. I can see the tears in her eyes. I can tell she would rather be anywhere but here. But I can't back down. Not after what just happened. She has to understand my feelings for her. She has to know how much I really want to be with her. How I can't stop thinking about her, how I…

Shit, she just took off. I don't bother looking at Finn as I take off after her calling her name. "Meredith…Meredith…Meredith", she doesn't even bother to turn around. I'm not even sure that she heard me. By the time I make it to the parking lot she is taking off in her jeep. I turn to my right and I see Finn standing next to me. I just look at him. He has to know that this isn't over. I will not just give up on the girl I love. Just as I'm about to walk away, I hear

"Aren't you married?"

Startled I turn around and see Finn looking at me with a twist of disgust and expectancy on his face. I start to say "Yes", but I am cut off.

"Before you try to talk to her again, why don't you think about your wife in all this? What would she say if she knew her husband was chasing after Meredith Grey again? Why don't you leave her alone? You have hurt her enough." With that Finn left.

How dare he say those things to me. He doesn't know anything about me. I love Meredith. What else does he want from me? "Divorce papers" a little voice in my head answered.

Finn's POV

Meredith looked exhausted. I call out to her and offer to give her a ride home. I love this girl. I am so excited that she is with me. She makes me happy; she even has me making plans again. And the best part is she didn't even freak out when I told her about them. Meredith starts to walk towards me, but then stops dead in her tracks, when Derek Sheppard calls her name.

What the hell? I could tell there was something going on between those two, but I never wanted to believe it until now. I look at her, looking at Derek and my voice catches in my throat. She is in love with him. I can tell by the look in her eyes. She loves him. I don't know what else to do so I call out to her again. She looks at me. She looks like a deer caught in headlights. She's going to run.

I watched Meredith take off and then Derek after her. I started running too. I couldn't let her possibly leave with him.

When Derek and I reached the parking lot Meredith was pulling out. I had to say something to him. I couldn't let Derek get away without knowing how much he hurt her. So I said the first thing that came to my mind, "Aren't you married?"

He turned around and looked shocked, like he couldn't believe that I had the balls to confront him. Just as he was about to answer I cut him off. "Before you try to talk to her again, why don't you think about your wife in all this? What would she say if she knew her husband was chasing after Meredith Grey again? Why don't you leave her alone? You have hurt her enough." After that I turned around and left. I didn't even look back. I could only think of Meredith. She loved him. She loved Derek. Derek, who was married. She loved him and not me. I just couldn't digest this information. I will not give her up without a fight. I will fight for you Meredith Grey.


	2. Chapter 2

Meredith's POV:

"Bzzzzzzzzzz…"

I rolled over at looked at the alarm clock. 7AM it read. For me that was sleeping in, but after the night I just had, waking up before noon was torture. Of course I had to work today. Of course Derek would have to work today. And of course he would probably request me.

I needed to get in the shower. At least in the shower I can think. It's the one place where I can think. Maybe be able to make sense of this mess I'm in. Maybe.

I slowly got out of bed. Today was going to be hell. There was no doubt about that. I started scanning the floor for some scrubs. I grabbed the closest pair I could find; I didn't even check to see if they smelled. Honestly I didn't care. Maybe if I smelled I would repel Derek. And maybe he would leave me alone. Yeah right.

I made my way over to the door and peeked out. I was hoping the Izzie and George weren't up yet. I didn't want to deal with them. They just needed to be avoided. Poor Izzie, with the night she had, she could use all the friends she could get. So not only I am I dirty whore, I am also a bad friend. I quickly creped towards the shower, trying not the make any noise. I shut the door and turned the water on. The hot water felt so good. It immediately helped me relax. I closed my eyes and just thought.

Derek's POV:

I got back at my trailer last night late. Really late. Addison waited up for me. Too bad I didn't want to talk. Too bad I still don't want to talk. She just gave me that look like she always does when I'm an ass to her. She doesn't deserve to be treated the way I treat her.

Sleeping was a chore. After my confrontation with Addi, sleep would just not come. Not that I expected it too. Every time I closed my I could see her. And every time the guilt I was feeling multiplied. I cannot believe I slept with Meredith. I am married. I can't believe I followed her out to her car. Calling her name. It was crazy, right?

Not really. I loved her. I always have. How was I able to keep these intense feelings for her buried for so long?

I really didn't. Now when I look back on it, it was always pretty obvious. The looks I always was giving her, trying to corner her in elevators. Hell, after the bomb scare I even went over to her house just to make sure she was OK. Everybody must have realized how much I loved her. Except me. Well, maybe I did know, maybe I just didn't want to admit it to myself. I really thought Addi and I could save our marriage. I really thought I would be able to get past these feelings. She really does deserve better.

I have been so wrong about everything. I have been so blind to everything.

Suddenly my alarm goes off. I don't even remember setting it. Quickly I shut it off, get up, and head towards the shower.

There is only one thought going through my head…how could I have been so blind to everything?

Finn's POV:

Wow, that was all I could think of as I crawled into bed. Did that really just happen? Did my Meredith Grey really just have to choose between me, her boyfriend, and her boss Derek Shepard? And did she really hesitate?

What should I do? I love her. I don't know how that happened. We've only known each other for such a short period of time. But she I just so perfect. I love her smile, her laugh, how her eyes light up. She is so different from every woman I have ever met and I can't put my finger on why. But I know I want to find out. I know that I want to be with her, and find out even more things to love.

I set my alarm, hoping to find sleep quickly.

Of course that doesn't happen. I spend the entire night replaying what just happened in my mind. I keep thinking of things I should have said to Shepard. Of how I should never have let Mere start running. There had to be something different that I could have done to help the situation, or at least to have her laying beside me now.

Finally my alarm goes off. I am completely exhausted. My mind is still glued on Meredith. I need to let her know that I care, and that I'm thinking about her. I reach for my cell phone. I dial the number to nearest flower store. Strangely I know the number by heart.

"Hello? Yes, I would like to order a dozen roses."

"For Dr. Meredith Grey, please have them delivered to Seattle Grace Hospital."

"I would like the message to say, 'Mere, I will always be there for you. Love, Finn'"

I hung up the phone, satisfied. I definitely did not think that flowers would win Meredith over, but I thought it might slightly put me in the lead. With that I grabbed some clothes and headed towards the bathroom, I was in need of a shower.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Meredith's POV:

Shit, I'm late. Why am I always late? I hear Bailey calling for me.

"Where's Grey? Blah, blah, blah"

I don't feel like dealing with her, with this, with anyone. Not that I have a choice. I quickly round the corner, "Sorry, I'm late Dr. Bailey." She just glares at me, big surprise.

"Now because Steven's isn't here, you four will have to pick up the slack. Assignment time: Karev, you are with Addison Shepard, Yang and O'Malley you two are in the pit, and Grey, Dr. Shepard has made a special request for you. Now get moving."

God damn him. I knew this was coming. I knew that ass would request me. He always tries to corner me. Force me to talk to him. Too bad my shower didn't clear my head at all. I am just as confused as ever and now I am being forced to work with Derek.

I really don't think I can stand hearing him ask me, 'What does this mean?' over and over again. Damn it Derek, I'm not the _married_ one, why does it matter what it mean to me?

"Dr. Grey?"

I turn around to find who called my name.

"Dr. Grey", a nurse says again. "These flowers were just delivered for you."

What the hell. I was staring at twelve gorgeous roses. I quickly snatched the card:

"Mere, I will always be there for you."

Derek's POV:

I am so early. That's all I could think about when I walked into Seattle Grace Hospital. As soon as I finished my shower I practically ran out of the trailer. I had to get out of the poisonous atmosphere. I couldn't deal with Addison, until I talked to Mere. I had to know how she felt.

I walked into my office, put my stuff down, and sat in a chair. I closed my eyes and immediately saw Meredith. I saw us kissing…pulling off her black panties…I needed to find Bailey.

"Dr. Bailey, I want to request Dr. Grey today."

She turned and looked at me. I could tell she was suspicious and annoyed at the same time. "Well, even though I hate requests, I suppose you could have Dr. Grey for today." With that Bailey walked off.

I smiled, well smirked. That was one minor victory for me. Meredith would be working with me all day; she would have to talk to me.

Wow, that is a really beautiful bouquet of flowers. I wonder who they are for…

Finn's POV:

I really don't feel like working today. I really don't feel like doing anything. Unfortunately, that is not an option. I was booked all day. Maybe staying busy would be better, less time for my mind to wander.

I looked at the clock. Meredith would just be arriving at work. Unless she was late, which was always a possibility.

I was anxious. I wanted to know if she had seen the flowers. I wanted to know her reaction. I'm sure she loved them. I'm sure she thought that they were a sweet gesture. I hope.

Where is my cell phone? Maybe she called and left a message about the flowers. Ah ha, I flipped open the phone. Nope, no messages. Maybe she wasn't at work yet.

I looked at the clock for the second time in the last five minutes, 9:05. Thank God, there was an appointment at 9:15. I needed something to distract me. Even I couldn't take the raving lunatic I was becoming. Who knew I would get so paranoid over someone's reaction to something as simple as flowers.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Meredith's POV:

'Mere, I will always be there for you. Love, Finn.' He sent me flowers. No one has ever sent me flowers. How sweet of him. A dozen roses, all for me. I felt a smile coming on, an actual, real smile. 'Mere, I will always be there for you. Love, Finn.' What a sweet message. Wait, he said love. LOVE, Finn, as in he loves me. Finn doesn't love me does he? We've only been dating for a few weeks right? He couldn't possibly be in love.

Derek and I had only been dating for two months though, and it's pretty obvious I fell head over heels for him. Damn it, why does everything always come back to Derek? How come I relate everything I ever do, to some moment I spent with Derek? Even when I don't want to. Why can't I just move on?

Ok, Mere, focus. Focus on the good. Finn, who is nice, loving, caring, NOT married guy sent me flowers. Beautiful roses, in fact. How where should I put these flowers?

I started to head towards the interns' locker room. I figured somewhere in there would be better then leaving the flowers lying around the hospital. Although, I didn't mind if people saw me with my beautiful roses.

"Nice flowers, Dr. Grey."

I spun around and came face to face with Dr. Shepard. MY Dr. Shepard. Crap, I have to stop thinking like that. He's obviously not mine, I thought, as I looked at his wedding band. "Thank you, Dr. Shepard." With that I turned around and opened the door to the locker room. Quickly I set the flowers down and slumped down on the bench. My heart was racing. I really hope I looked more composed them I feel.

Derek's POV:

I wonder who those flowers are for. Whoever it is, they sure are lucky. I finally made it back to my office. I had to go over some paper work for the operation I had scheduled for this afternoon. Damn, I left the patients charts at the nurses' station.

I walked out of my office and see Meredith Grey carrying the flowers that had been sitting at the nurses' station. She looked happy. They must have been from Finn. How dare he make her happy. That was my job. I should be the one making her smile. I should be the one making her laugh…no, you are the one who makes her cry, my conscious responded.

"Nice flowers, Dr. Grey." She looked up in shock. She didn't know that I was standing there. She looked at me, then at the flowers, and then back at me.

"Thank you, Dr. Shepard." She then took off into the interns' locker room.

Dr. Shepard. I hated it when she called me that. I swear sometimes her calling me Dr. Shepard hurt more then the pain I felt when Addison cheated. Speaking of Addison, the red head was currently sauntering down the hallway. I thought about ducking into a room but…

"Derek."

Damn it, I was too late. "Addison", I replied curtly. I felt bad, she looked hurt.

"Are you OK?"

"Yes." No I'm not, my mind screamed. I had sex with Meredith, who I'm still in love with. Plus the vet that she's dating is trying to take her from me. But the biggest problem is that I care at all about Meredith or the vet, because I'm still married to you. I gave Addison a quick smile and walked away.

Finn's POV:

It was now after 10AM. I know that Meredith had to have seen the flowers. Maybe no news was good news. Maybe she has had a really busy morning. That was possible. Or maybe she is making out with Derek Shepard in an on call room.

Ok, I'm being ridiculous. I know that Meredith likes me. I just have to remind her why she started dating me in the first place. I know that the flowers were a good idea. What woman wouldn't want to be surprised at work with a bouquet of flowers? I know that I had to scare a couple of point there, so I should stop worrying about it.

I wonder how Meredith ended up with Derek. Derek is married. I can't see her ever intentionally dating a married man. But there is obviously history between those tow. It is so evident in the pain and longing in both their eyes.

Stop, I have to stop. I can't think about the look Meredith was giving Derek, or how she's never looked at me like that. She feels something for me right? She would keep seeing me if she didn't.

"Beep, Beep, Beep."

My cell is beeping. I flip open the phone. I have a new voice mail. I guess I forgot to take the phone off silent. I quickly punch toe buttons to get to the voice mail center.

"You have one new message from: Meredith Grey."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Meredith's POV:

I needed to calm down. Breathe in. Breathe out. I can't believe that seeing Derek is causing such a reaction. Breathe in. Breathe out. I am being ridiculous. We barely even had a conversation. Maybe it's just because he surprised me. I wasn't expecting him to see me. I was prepared. Right, I wasn't prepared. Breathe in. Breathe out.

I was finally feeling calmer about five minutes later. I should really call Finn, and thank him. He deserves to know how much the flowers meant to me. And he should know how beautiful they are. I wonder if Derek thought they were beautiful. I wonder if he was jealous. He didn't look that jealous. Maybe he really doesn't love me; maybe it was really just all about the sex. Maybe…

Damn it. This isn't about Derek. Finn, focus on Finn.

I picked up my cell phone and quickly dialed his number. One ring…two rings…three rings…four rings. Crap I was going to get his voicemail.

"Hi this is Finn. Leave a message."

Crap, too fast, what do I say? "Ummm, hi Finn, this is Meredith. I just, ahhh, just wanted to thank you for the flowers. They are, ummm, beautiful. I appreciate it more then you know. Umm, call me, wait no, I'll call you later. Ahhhh, thanks again."

Wow, great message Mere. 'Hi, umm, this is Meredith…' Could I stumble through the message any worse? He's going to be able to tell how forced that was. He's going to know that something is up. Like he already doesn't.

Bzzzzz. Ahhh, what the hell? My pager was going off. I looked down at it. Derek was paging me. Great. Now I officially had to start my day of working with him. I quickly put my cell away and got up. I left the intern's locker room and headed for the room Derek was waiting for me in.

"Thank's for joining us Dr. Grey."

Ouch. There was definitely some venom in that statement. I guess someone wasn't too happy that they had to page me. "Sorry."

Derek just glared at me.

"I'm really, really sorry."

The iciness in his eyes slowly melted away, and he smiled. "It's OK, Dr. Grey. Now will you please present."

I rambled on through the face of this case. I knew them all by heart and Derek didn't ask me any questions. When I was done, he simply gave me one of his McDreamy smiles and began to talk to patient about treatment options.

He was being so weird. Mad at me one second and then being all McDreamy the next.

Derek's POV:

I made it to my patient's room without any further interruptions. I walked in and looked around. Where's Meredith? She should already be here. She is supposed to be there before I get there. She should be checking the patient's vitals. Make sure she knows all pertinent information. But she's not here yet.

I looked at my watch. 10:27. I began to ask my patient all the normal questions about their health that the intern would normally ask. Where was Mere? I thought about seeing her with the flowers and the dreamy look in her eyes. And how she looked happy. I bet she was still in the locker room. Thinking about those flowers, and how gorgeous they were. And how Finn, was just SO sweet for sending them to her. She was probably thinking about how I never sent her flowers. How the only thing I ever gave her was heart ache.

Or even worse, maybe she was talking to Finn. Maybe she called him, and they were having a conversation about how they should be together. And how much better of a match he was for her. I could feel my anger growing. I was mad at Meredith, Finn, and myself, for being such a paranoid idiot.

Olivia walked in. I looked at her and snarled, "Page Meredith Grey." Olivia just looked at me and nodded. I think I scared her. It's always a good idea to frighten the nurses, especially since when one hates you they all attack.

10:39. Where the hell the Meredith? Finally, Dr. Grey slides into the room. "Thank's for joining us Dr. Grey."

I see her flinch and mumble sorry. I say nothing.

"I'm really, really sorry."

She looks at me. Her eyes are all big and full of tears. I immediately feel bad. I shouldn't take my crazy anger out on her. It's not her fault she with Finn and not me. It's mine. I have to let her know I'm not angry. I have to show her how much I still care for her.

"It's OK, Dr. Grey. Now will you please present."

She goes through her little speech flawlessly. I can tell she's not listening to herself, but it doesn't matter. I was enthralled. Watching her lips move, listening to the way she pronounced the words. She was really quite perfect. When she finished I didn't know what else to do, so I smiled at her. Then I began to discuss treatment with the patient. I kept looking at her while talking to the patient. She kept giving me this weird look.

Finn's POV:

Meredith called! Finally! I went to punch in the button to send me to the message and hit completely the wrong number, which kicked me out of my voicemail. Damn it, now I have to start all over. I'm already dying with anticipation. This time is pushed in the numbers slowly and deliberately.

"You have one new message from: Meredith Grey."

"Ummm, hi Finn, this is Meredith. I just, ahhh, just wanted to thank you for the flowers. They are, ummm, beautiful. I appreciate it more then you know. Umm, call me, wait no, I'll call you later. Ahhhh, thanks again."

She liked the flowers. I knew she would. Everyone loves flowers. Especially roses. I definitely scored a point there. Mere liked my flowers. I should call her back.

Wait, she said she would call me later. I guess I can wait till later then. I wonder why she doesn't want me to call. She was clearly going to tell me to call her and then changed her mind. I wonder why? I think I am reading way too much into this situation.

I decided to listen to Meredith's message again.

Wow, she sounds really uncomfortable. It seems like she really doesn't know what to say. She also sounds really formal. She's like, 'this is Meredith', instead of 'it's Mere.' She sounds like she's thanking her grandparents for something, not her boyfriend.

Why would she be uncomfortable? She should know she can say anything around me. Well almost anything. I don't really want to hear her say; "I'm in love with Derek and leaving you". Yeah, I really don't want to ever hear her say that. I just have to wonder why her message was so weird.


End file.

Grey's Anatomy