Harry Potter 1. OneTwoThree Enoby Annoys Me!

**You know that fan fiction 'My Immortal'? Yes you do. You wouldn't be here if you didn't. I've decided to do my own commentary. Like everyone else. Sad isn't it.**

**Disclaimer: Let's be awesome again! It's just a jump to the left! Then owning Harry Potter! Put your hands on your hips! And become Tara Gilesbie! But all I own is this laptop! That really drives me INSANE! I don't even own anything again! (Sing to the tune of Time Warp)**

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)_** No **_2 my gf (ew not in that way_**) You might not be so sure if you think we think that**_ raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. _**She HELPED. That's unbelievable **_U rok! Justin _**Bieber? Timberlake? **_ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX! _**I used to think so too...  
><strong>_  
><p>

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way _**What a retarded name. And what is with the random apostrophe? **_and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)_**Your parents are Seers...**_ with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears _**WTF?**_ and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!) _**I don't know who she is...**_ I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. _**Nothing like incest to make you happy...**_ I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white._**As opposed to purple and crooked.**_ I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England** I live in England... No Hogwarts... Look North... To SCOTLAND!** where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic _**The UK does NOT have a Hot Topic...**_ and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. _**Pointless clothes description No. 1 **_I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining _**What odd weather**_ so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **You win the award for the nicest person ever... I win the award for the most sarcastic person ever  
><strong>  
>"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy<em><strong>! What did he do to you?<br>**_  
>"What's up Draco?" I asked.<p>

"Nothing." he said shyly. _**If he was real and reading this, he would AK himself...**_

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. _**Making that conversation pointless...**_

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! _**You want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! It was appalling, terrible, stupid and every other adjective to say it SUCKED BALLS! **_

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! _**This person clearly failed.. .**_BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! _**POWER TO THE PREPS!**_

The next day I woke up in my bedroom_**. I wake up in my bathtub...**_ It was snowing and raining again. _**It's sunny outside... Where do you live? **_I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle _**Remember students of Hogwarts, a bottle of blood a day keeps Madam Pomphrey AWAY!**_ I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. _**Pointless clothing description No. 2**_

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) _**BRILLIANT! Nothing like obvious insertion of real people to brighten up my day! **_ woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) _**Pointless clothing description No. 3  
><strong>_  
>"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.<p>

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. _**Such a lovely, sweet tempered girl...**_

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily_**. I thought you **_**didn't**_** fancy him...  
><strong>_  
>"Guess what." he said.<p>

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. _**Muggle band, wizarding area, something does not make sense...**_

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. _**Beautiful way to end a chapter.**_

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! _**Preps are some of the best people in the world though**_ odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reviews_**! Only "Goffik" people give good reviews**_ FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. _**I would be worried if you do...**_

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. _**Pointless clothing description No. 4**_ I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists_**. It's like 'I felt hungry, so I ate some food' **_I read a depressing book _**You can read?**_ while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner _**Pointless clothing description No. 5 **_(AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok! _**CoughdDragQueensCough**_).

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. _**Doesn't**_ _**seem like it...**_

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) _**Authur Weasley faced an inquiry because of this... ABIDE BY THE DAMNED LAW!**_ and flew to the place with the concert. _**Look back... It says Hogsmeade. **_ On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs_**. What good role models for little children **_When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
>They're all so happy you've arrived<br>The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
>She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). <em><strong>They are disturbing lyrics...<br>**_  
>"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. <em><strong>Aren't you going out with someone?<br>**_  
>Suddenly Draco looked sad.<p>

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. _**You have the emotional range of a teaspoon...**_

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. _**What...?**_

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch."_**You do not personally know Hilary Duff**_ I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. _**So she has a face like Chewbacca. But it's blonde.**_

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz_** You crawled because you were so pissed**_, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into…_**The tension is killing me WOMAN!**_ the Forbidden Forest! _**This is on Hogwarts grounds...**_

**So far... this is retarded... Yet is better than the offensive epic fail called 'Imma Wiserd' by an idiot calling themselves 'Ravenretalliashun'**


	2. FourFiveSix Torture Her With Sticks

**Note: This is rushed because I have to do Science and Geography Homework. Damnit. Then I have to go for rehearsals for a play I'm in. Oh My Gaga, I'm bored... Hope this doesn't suck...**

**Disclaimer: Stop calling, stop calling! Don't wanna get sued anymore! Don't own Harry Potter or My Immortal! (Sang to the tune of Telephone (BRILLIANT SONG!))**

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY _**She legally changed her first name to something even more stupid than before **_nut mary su _**You forgot the 'E'**_ OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV _**With who? Oh! Your pathetic "Goffik" Twilight Vampire wannabe... **_ wif her dat he is acting defrent_**! Merely said he was acting DIFFERENTLY**_ dey nu eechodder b4 ok _**Let's think (something this retard and her idiot characters cannot do) She is supposed to be in Draco's Year and House... No, I don't know that person I see every day in lessons**_!

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" _**Torturing you slowly and painfully, and then pouring salt on your wound, after that, he's poisoning you... MWAHAHAHA!**_

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously. _**But you were so pissed you couldn't walk straight... **_

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow _**Depressing and Sorrow are the same thing**_ and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. _**Yeah, Voldemort has the same types of eyes... I look into them, makes me feel like flipping SpongeBob SquarePants**_

And then…_**More damn suspense! **_ suddenly just as I _**FAIL **_Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. _**Whats's making ou- Oh, SNOGGING! How the hell to you do that when he's standing on you?**_ He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. _**I remember sex education at school... WE had the guts to say the names, or even nicknames!**_

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then…. _**Tension! Suspense! WHAT THE HELL WILL HAPPEN ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF EASTENDERS?**_

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" _**This is one of the things that makes the EPIC FAIL an EPIC WIN**_

It was…. _**We want answers and we want them NOW!**_

Dumbledore! _**OMG! Dumbledore! Why're you being such a lousy person?- Umbridge (AVPS)**_

_

Chapter 5.

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! _**I am now sticking sign that says 'Poser Prep and PROUD OF IT!' to my shirt**_ Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache _**Calm down Dumbledore! Ooh Sahh! **_ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! _**Let's get PHYSICAL in the FORBIDDEN Forest!**_ PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! _**You lie sucker! YOU LIE!**_

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris _**Oh, she likes rap.**_ fools!" he shouted. _**Nice one Dumby...**_

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face _**What the hell?**_. Draco comforted me _**I hate him now**_. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry. _**As they should. EXPEL THEM... No, wait, just "Enoby".**_

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. _**PUNISH THEM!**_

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. _**Ahh, so she's in character... TWO POINTS FOR THE HOUSE OF RETARDS!**_

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape. _**Only time he is in character... Save yourself while you can Severus.**_

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" _**ALVIN! Where are Simon and Theodore, hmmm?**_

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." _**Aww! COME ON! No expulsion, detention? NO PUNISHMENT!**_

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently. _**No! I want to go back to Mary Sue-ville!**_

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. _**Pointless clothing description No. 6 **_ When I came out…. _Damned __**'Dot, dot, dot'**_

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. _**You are wrapped around her Mary Sue pinky, Draco!**_ I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. _**If I were him, I would skip the pointless corny singing and be on my way to a far, well secluded place as fast as I can. Just to get away from her. Stalker...**_

_

Chapter 6.

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! _**You flithly little mudbl- I mean liar. Sorry Hermione...**_

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. _**Pointless clothing description No. 7**_ I spray-painted my hair with purple. _**Let's walk into a beauty shop. We have lipstick, mascara, perfume, mirrors, nail varnish and then the magical invention of... wait for it... HAIR DYE! OH MY GAGA!**_

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal _**Never heard of it... No, not sold in the UK **_with blood instead of milk _**eww**_, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top. _**STICK IT TO THE COW!**_

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. **You **_**are so nice, aren't you?**_ I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy _**So he is a goth, so you forgive him. He should of been a prep. **_ with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. _**He seems like a gothic clown... **_ He didn't have glasses anymore _**Is this going where I think this is going? **_and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore _**Oh Great Gaga, tell me I'm wrong**_! He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. _**OK, welcome to Accent Emporium. In our Hogwarts branch, we have English, Scottich, Welsh and Irish accents. Take your puck and pay at the till. **_ He looked exactly like Joel Madden. _**I highly doubt that...**_ He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. _**You made me think that, you sicko.**_

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice. _**Aww, BREAK FREE FROM THE SOCIAL SHELL!**_

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled. _**They call me Harry! They call me Potter! They call me the Boy-Who-Lived! They call me the Chosen One! That's not my name! That's not my name! That's not my name! That's not my naaaaaaaame! **_

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. _**You are, like, such a preppy gurl, man!**_

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered. _**He's called Vampire, so he must be a vampire. Why so scared, Potter?**_

"Yeah." I roared. _**I AM WOMAN! HEAR ME ROAAAAAAAR!**_

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. _**The surprise is... MURDER BY MODERNMASQUERADEMAGIC!**_

**Ahh, My Immortal. The wonderful (retarded) (Auto) biography of "Enoby Way" (Tara Gilesbie's twisted IMAGINATION)**


	3. SevenEightNine Kick Her Behind!

**Note: OK, for the love of GAGA! I must have so much willpower to comment on this crap.**

**Disclaimer: ****JK Rowling came out and Enoby smiled at me. Said it's gonna be a good one just wait and see! Jumped out of bed and I ran outside feeling so extra goth-statified! It's the Best day ever (Best day ever)! It's the Best day ever (Best day ever)!**

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life **Oh, it has a title. Well done.**

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. **Who was that stupid? Raise your glass! ** n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! **Tin God Vons? A tin, God (I thought you were a Satanist) and "Vons". What are Vons?** STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue **That's right. Marie is Mary Sue's cousin. ** ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! **Ahh, the nits of Satan. Brilliant.** n she has problemz _**No doubt about that**_ shes depressed _**Are you sure, gurfriend?**_ 4 godz _**Not a Satanist. I repeat, not a Satanist. **_ sake!

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish _**Coughstupidcough**_. as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish _**So she has the magical colour changing nail varnish**_ (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u? _**Yes.**_). I waved to Vampire. _**And he ran to the airport to get the next one-way-plane ticket to Timbuktu.**_ Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. _**Misery and depression are the same thing. **_ I guess he was jealous of me _**Because EVERYONE is jealous of you. Bloody mierda la cabeza.**_ that I was going out with Draco. _**Draco wants to flee. **_ Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then… _**SUSPENSE!**_

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. _**Eh? **_ He felt me up before I took of my top. _**Probably deciding the best place to stick the knife...**_ Then I took off my black leather bra _**That must be uncomfortable. **_and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine _**He put his penis in your penis?**_ and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) _**Sadly, yes.**_

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. _**Ahh, the Dark Mark. Finally a little plot...**_It was a black heart with an arrow through it_**. Damnit**_ On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… _**I hate Enoby and want to go back to proper Harry Potter world?**_

Vampire! _**Must of been a stupid tattoo artist. 'I want the words I hate Enoby and want her to die' Said Draco. Later... 'WHAT THE FRICK? WHY DO I HAVE THE FECKIN' WORD 'VAMPIRE' ON MY ARM?'**_

I was so angry. _**No shit, Sherlock.**_

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed. _**Lucius and Narcissa are married though...**_

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. '_**Harry and I have been trying to violently murder you ever since we met you!'**_ But I knew too much. _**Put your VAST knowledge to good use then...**_

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" _**Homophobe. AIDS has a capital 'S'.**_

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. _**Like an angry four-year old.**_ Draco ran out even though he was naked. _**Coughretardcough. **_ He had a really big you-know-what _**Pimple. JUST SAY PENIS!**_ but I was too mad to care_**. You care. You so do.**_ I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom _**That must of hurt. Have you been stalking Harry? **_ where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people. _**I have a drama lesson with Thanusha, Ms Kemal and some other people.**_

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. _**He did NOTHING to your mother!**_

**-**

Chapter 8.

AN: stop flassing ok! _**Always "flass" after every meal! **_ if u do den u r a prep! _**Tara, we have been over this. POWER TO MY PREPS!**_****

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back. _**This is all part of him and Harry's master plan ... Everyone is in on it... Even Crabbe and Goyle... Even Dumbledore**_

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly. _**'I don't like you! I HATE YOU!'**_

My friend B'loody _**Random apostrophe. **_Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. _**Say what now?**_ She flipped her long waste _**That needs to go in the litter bin...**_-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione _**is a wonderful muggle-born Gryffindor who shall use her intelligence to save us all from Enoby (it was SO her plan) **_was kidnapped when she was born. _**I highly doubt that...**_ Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. _**Guy should have stayed alive to take care of his kid...**_ She still has nightmares about it _**How do you remember things from when you were just born? **_and she is very haunted _**'It's not your house that is haunted, it's your child...'**_and depressed. _**Like everyone else in this shitfest.**_ It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. _**This plan involves everyone changing names and appearences so Ebony feels welcome. Then performing a murder. A gruesome murder. CSI will ignore it... After all, they have met Ebooby. **_ (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor.) _**Everyone is Satanic and Slytherin. Whatever happened to the Christian GRYFFINDORS?**_

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him. _**YOU IGNORED SNAPE? You Little Mierda!**_

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him. **You never went out with Harry. The plan was for Draco to seduce her.**

Everyone gasped. _**Right on cue, my accomplices.**_

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. _**Random POV change...**_ I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. _**This is the story they agreed on. **_ He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. _**He's still the popular boy Harry Potter.**_ (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.) _**You're rich, privileged and wear fine clothes and participate in a sport. YOU ARE A PREP, DRACO MALFOY!**_

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire. _**For the sake of the plan... Pretendthe story is real!**_

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" _**Harry was a legitimate child.**_ I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility _**Your masculinity?**_ to Draco and then I started to bust into tears. _**Cry, you bitch!**_

**-**

Chapter 9.

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! _**Beacuse you can't read. At all**_. dis is frum da movie _**What movie? Vampires Suck? **_ ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! _**But you wrote it!**_ besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! _**I'm mean when I have a headache! I AM DUMBLEDORE!**_ and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. _**That brings back bad memories of reading the pathetic secks scene.**_

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) _**He never had a nose... Well he did when he was younger...**_ and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. _**Voldemort is more gothic than you... **_ It was…

Voldemort! _**I knew it...**_

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice _**Wuss...**_

but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" _**It's "Imperio" . Say it with me Tara... Imperio**_ and I couldn't run away.

"Crookshanks!" _**Hermy- own-ninny's cat?**_ I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. _**I'm a sadist. I enjoy every minute of your pain.**__  
><em>  
>"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" <em><strong>Thou shall honour thy ModernMasqueradeMagic too!<br>**_  
>I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes <em><strong>Which are green, like his mother's. <strong>_ and his gothic black hair _**How the feck is hair "gothic"?**_ and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, _**Because you probably don't. Idiots never do...**_ so I thought _**Did that hurt? **_'what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?'

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back. _**Yes, Voldemort!**_

Voldemort gave me a gun. _**Come again... A GUN!**_ "No! Please!" I begged. _**Please don't kill me!  
><strong>_  
>"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou do not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" <em><strong>This is some great acting! BAFTAS TO YOU ALL!<strong>_

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way. _**Because the plan said he had to seduce you, DUH!**_

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. _**I would so pay to see this look. £1000 for Voldemort! **_ "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. _**The power to move things with your mind?**_ "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" _**Nothing, absolutely nothing **_ he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. _**GRR! I'M SO MAD!**_

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods. _**Right on cue!**_

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" _**Whatever happened to hating him?**_

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. _**Facial expressions. **_ He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner _**Why the feck is he wearing make-up? What happened to THE REAL DRACO MALFOY! **_ kind of like a pentagram (geddit) _**No... **_ between Joel Madden and Gerard Way. _**He doesn't.**_

"Are you okay?" I asked. _**Now you are considerate of people's feelings...**_

"No." he answered. _**This is a wonderful script.**_

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. _**He did... WITH LILY POTTER! IN OCTOBER/NOVEMBER OF 1979! Imagine that... Harry, I am your father! I went back in time and did the deed with your mum!**_

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. _**You were depressed, walked and snogged at the same time? Great multi-tasking!**_

**Well, that was an even bigger shitfest than before. I feel like vomiting. Maybe it's because I'm sick... Bad thoughts... Anyway... THE ROYAL WEDDING IS TOMORROW! ENGLAND SHOWS THEIR LOVE TO WILLS AND KATE! Rule Britannia! Britannia rules the waves! Britain will never, never, never be slaves!**


End file.

Harry Potter, Drama, Parody