Web Shows 1. Part one - Dan

**I know this is about Connor, but I wanted to write this0. The Skype names are obviously random, sorry if it's a coincidence. Enjoy! :)**

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After watching Connor's coming out video, I'm in tears. I'm sobbing. I'm in the living room, so I'm a bit afraid that Phil might see me, but thank God, he's editing a new video.

I'm really proud of Connor. He did what I was, what I _am _afraid to do. He said those words not only me, but a lot of other people needed to hear. Every word, every single thing he said was true. I know that there a lot of coming out videos, but in a way, Connor is the first person I've known for a while before he came out.

I know I need to talk to him as corny as it sounds. But I really do. So I log into my personal Facebook profile and quickly search his name among my friends. I know he'll get a lot of messages and everything, and I'm not expecting him to reply immediately.

_Uhm, hi Connor, it's Dan. __Dan Howell. __So I uh... Watched your video and... Yeah, what you did… I don't really have the words to describe your bravery. Anyway, I know we haven't really talked before, but uhm… yeah, there are a few things I'd like to say to you. Good things. Anyway, uhm, my Skype name is _pinetree666_, so if you're free, give me a call. Or don't. Okay, I'll stop talking. I'm proud of you, Connor Franta. :) _

I hit enter before I can chicken out. I know this isn't about me, I know that. This is about him. But in times like these, one can wonder. Connor is a role model for many of young people out there. With his coming out video he might've given the much needed help for them. So yeah, what he did was not only brave, but also a fantastic thing to do.

I'm surprised to see that half an hour later there's a new request on Skype. I laugh a bit when I see his name: InstaBoi92. I add him then, before I can press "Video call", he's already calling me.

'Dan?' he says, looking confused. Yeah, I can understand why. We only talked a few times at VidCons and Playlists, so this is surprising.

'Hi, yes, hi, I'm sorry.'

'Don't worry, it's just a bit odd. So, what's up?' He smiles.

'Uhm, I just… I know Twitter or Facebook can be a bit impersonal sometimes and I… I just wanted to tell you the uhm… I just wanted to give you my reaction to your video.' _Jesus Christ, Dan why are you so awkward?_

'Oh…' he says and I can see fear in his eyes.

'Don't worry! As I said it's a huge thing. I'm really happy for you.'

'Thank you. It means a lot. I keep hearing it, but it's still weird. I mean everyone says that they're proud of me, but in reality I'm just sitting on my couch thinking "Oh God, I really did it." And… I know that I'm out now, but it's still scary.' He sighs and fixes his quiff. 'But I'm really glad that you didn't call me to… You know.'

'No, never.' I shake my head. Do people still do that? It's 2014. 'Sexuality shouldn't matter. I don't know if you saw my tweet, but I did really cry. To be honest, I… when you cried, it was more touching than The Fault in Our Stars.'

It makes him laugh. Being a YouTuber means that you can see the other YouTubers as they really are. Just ordinary people, no fancy stuff. I know a lot of us, including me, say that we're not that different off camera. But in reality, we all are. Because we has to be. Because we only share like 5% of our lives with the internet, but we're so much more than that. So yeah, seeing Connor laugh like that, after such a huge video, it's something… I don't know, it's extraordinary.

'Yeah, it does say something. I'm sorry I made you cry. I wanted to cut that part out, but I realised it had such a huge meaning that it had to be in it.'

'I'm glad it's in the video. Okay, so anyway, I just wanted to say that I'm really proud of you, I'm really happy for you, and don't care about the haters. They don't matter; you do.'

'Thanks.' He smiles, fixing his hair again. 'So how are you guys over there?'

'Yeah, we're good, but… Okay, I don't want to be rude, but I'll end the call now, because this is not about me or Phil, this is about you.'

'I know we're barely friends, but you're a great one, Dan.'

'You too, Connor.'

We both smile as I end the call. I'm really happy for him, he deserves so much more. And this is really about him, but… as I said he said what I'm afraid to say.

I start walking towards the office, but I meet Phil in the corridor. I look at him, I mean I really look at him. I see the boy I fell in love in 2009 and I see the man I'm still in love with in 2014. I see the man I love and I'm afraid to admit that I love him after five years. Especially after five years.

He smiles, then out of the blue, he hugs me. I'm in 2009 again, we're standing at the train station in Manchester. That was the first time I realised I loved him. And I know that this is the time. This is the time I have to tell him.

'I'm in love with you.' I put all my life in that one single sentence, hoping that it'd be okay.


	2. Part two - Phil

Dan is in the living room while I'm in the office, editing. Or at least that's what he thinks. But in reality, I just keep rewatching Connor's coming out video. I'm… I don't know. I'm shaking. It's all too real. I want to write Connor, but also I don't want to disturb him.

After watching the video for the 10th time, I decide to write him on Facebook. I don't want to do it on Twitter, because as I said it's all too real. He said the things I'm feeling, he said the thing I'm way too afraid to admit, even to myself.

_Hey, Connor, this is going to be awkward and I'm sorry in advance. So I just want to say that I watched your video, and it was wonderful. I watched it like 10 times and I'm not even joking. I'm proud of you, Connor Franta. You are an amazing person who and I know it was scary but this was the right thing to do. I think you have a huge amount of bravery. So yeah, I'm proud of you._

Within 5 minutes, there's a reply. _Hi, I can't always follow who it is I'm talking to, so please can you clarify this one for me?_

_Oh, sorry. I'm Phil Lester._

_Hey, sorry man. Thank you. Yeah, I still can't believe I did it._

_Are you okay though? I mean you probably get a lot of negativity and I know you're trying your best to ignore them but eventually you start focusing on those._

_Yes, I'm great actually. I got a lot of great messages on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr. I can't believe all the support I got. My phone keeps ringing and ringing, and, while I'm grateful, I'm getting a bit annoyed with the ringtonec, so I put it on silence. I know this is a bit rude, but I had to. I read every message I get, but can't deal with the phone calls right now._

_I understand. So I just wanted to say that I'm proud of you._

_Thank you. It really means a lot. How's everything in London?_

_It's… Yeah, it's great. _I stop writing for a second. I want to stop lying. To myself, to Connor. Especially to Connor. _I know I shouldn't be doing this, I'm really sorry, but… I have to stop lying. Please stop me now, because this is totally about you and I know this, but… I'm so sorry._

_Are you alright?_

_I don't know. What you said… I've been going through those things as well. Except I can't admit it. I'm scared and I know that you know this. That's why I've been rewatching your video. Because you said it so that I didn't have to. You said it and everything is true. I just want you to know that your video changed not only your life, but mine as well. Thank you._

_I'm not really following you, but… Wait. Are you saying that…?_

_Yes. I was as scared to admit as you were. But you did it. In a way for me as well. I won't be coming out soon, because this is about you now, but… as I said I just want to let you know that you're a true inspiration for all of us._

_Wow, thanks. I'd have never guessed my video was going to have this much of an impact on other's life as well._

_Well, it did, and you don't have to be scared anymore. It was really brave._

_Thanks. I'm going to London next year, maybe wanna film a video together? If you want to and if you're ready maybe it can involve that thing as well._

_Yes, that sounds lovely. Okay, sorry, I don't want to be rude, but I have to do something now._

_Believe it or not, I've heard the rude part before… :P Yeah, do your thing. And thanks again for the support. I'm really grateful._

_Of course. See you, Connor._

_Bye!_

Closing the tab, I stand up, stretching a bit. I really need to do it. Almost running, I walk towards the living room, meeting Dan in the corridor. He looks at me, I look at him and I just know. I just know that I've been in love with the wonderful person since 2009. He's my everything.

I just want to hug him, not caring about the consequences. He doesn't push me away, quite the opposite, he hugs me tighter. Then he says something, with his face pressed against my shoulder. 'I'm in love with you.'

'And I'm in love with you.' I smile, relieved. I can feel Dan smiling too.

Thank you, Connor. Thank you.


End file.

Web Shows, Friendship, Romance