Instant Star 1. Behind Blue Eyes

Because of You

Summary:

Tommy walked with Kwest into the restaurant they had both agreed to, only half-listening to what his friend was saying to him, which didn't go unnoticed. Kwest just pegged it as jetlag though, since he had only been back in Canada for an hour and a half.

The two sat in a secluded booth in the back of the dim-lit restaurant. They had chosen this place because it was a bit of a drive from the main hang-outs of Toronto, so it was not very popular, which assured Tommy his privacy.

"So, tell me… Was it everything you expected?" Kwest asked excitedly from across the booth.

Tommy shrugged, staring down at the lighter he was rolling through his fingers, "It was… It was nice…"

"Nice?" Kwest asked in confusion, "Just nice?"

Tommy shrugged again, still not taking his eyes off of the lighter.

"What happened to you, T..?" his friend asked him slowly.

Tommy's eyes rose to meet with Kwest's for the first time that night since he had greeted him at the airport, but as he opened his mouth to speak, they were interrupted by a petite, middle-aged waitress. She had a grey and brown bun and wore a white apron around her waist.

The woman took their drink orders and bustled off into the kitchen, and Kwest's eyes immediately returned to Tommy who was looking down again at the lighter with far-off eyes that told Kwest that something wasn't the same about his friend.

"Tom..?"

"Hmm?" he replied flatly.

"What happened, man?" Kwest repeated, "You look like hell, and you're acting like a corpse…"

Again, Tommy went to speak, but stopped short when the words he wanted to say wouldn't come.

"Kwest…" Tommy said after a minute of silence, "If we go to the studio, will you do something for me?"

"Sure, but I thought you said you were hungry..?" Kwest replied, raising his eyebrow questioningly.

"No, you assumed…" Tommy said flatly but without sounding mean.

"Of course, man… I'll cancel our drink orders, and we can leave right now…"

Tommy nodded and went out of the doors toward the car as Kwest did as he had said.

The drive to G major was a silent one as Tommy stared out of the window.

They arrived at the oh-so-familiar building and walked straight for studio C. The place was completely empty with the exception of a lone cleaning lady which caused Tommy to look at his watch that read "12:04 am".

"So… What're we doing here, T?" Kwest asked into the mic from his seat behind the soundboard, looking through the glass at his friend sitting on the stool.

"I've sorta got a song… It's about…" Tommy began, but trailed off, not wanting to think about what the song's strong, deep, and painful meaning, "Can you help me record it?"

"Of course…" Kwest replied, genuinely shocked by this.

Tommy hadn't recorded in years, which is why Kwest was now very concerned.

Tommy nodded, staring at his hands that were clasped between his knees where his bent elbows were resting.

"Okay, well, let's get started…" Kwest said after a moment as he looked down at the controls.

"I asked her to go with me…" Tommy spoke up, pulling Kwest's eyes back to him.

"You asked Jude?" Kwest replied in shock.

Tommy nodded, still avoiding Kwest's eyes, "I told her I loved her… And that I wanted all of her forever…"

"Wow…" Kwest responded at a loss for words after his jaw dropped and eyes widened, "What happened?"

"She never showed…" Tommy answered with a voice that sounded almost hollow, and his lifeless eyes rose to meet Kwest's.

Kwest's gaze dropped, and he was suddenly filled with the enormous amount of pain that Tommy had gone through over the past six months he had been away.

He was suddenly hit by realization as he pieced together the sudden change in his personality, smoking habit he had gained, and his disheveled appearance.

Tommy, not wanting to say anymore, picked up the guitar next to him to signal to Kwest that he was ready to record.

"What's the name of the song?"

"Still Crazy…" Tommy replied softly.

"Still Crazy, take 1… And 3, 2, 1…" Kwest said into the mic, and pointed at Tommy to start.

He strummed the guitar gently, closing his eyes as he lost himself in the music, and moments later, began to sing out the pain that had been haunting him for the past six months,

"Shut me out completely,  
That would not be such a sin…  
Lock up every entry,  
Make sure that there's no way for me to get in…  
Won't try to pry them open,  
Nevermind the knock upon your doors.  
Truth is that there's no reason for me

To even see your face anymore.

But I need you ears and I need them now

I've got something to say.  
I'm not here today to win you back

Just to remind you that

As sure as the rain starts to fall,  
Yes, I'll always remember you dear,  
And though we don't talk anymore.  
I was crazy for you; yes, I was crazy for you.

That's for sure. 

Nothing's ever easy,

I think we both know that it's true.  
I was convinced you loved me,

And I was pretty sure that I loved you too.  
When was our final moment?

What's your favorite might-have-been?  
When was my fatal error that changed

The way you thought of me ever since?

'Cause I made you smile, and I made you laugh.

I made nice gestures and surprised you enough,  
And I made you strong, but I made you cry,  
Wish it wasn't true, but I'm not gonna lie.

And as sure as the rain starts to fall,  
Yes, I'll always remember you chose.  
And though we don't touch anymore,  
I was crazy for you; I'm still crazy for you…

That's for sure.   
Still crazy for you…

Still crazy for you…

I'm still crazy for you…

That's for sure."

"Wow… T, that was-" Kwest began, while Tommy stared over his head with an unreadable expression, but stopped as he heard a soft sniffle behind him.

He turned quickly to see Jude whose eyes were locked on the man behind the soundproof glass. Her eyes were lined with a light pink color and her cheeks were soaked in tears.

"I just… came for my…" Jude said, barely loud enough to be heard, as Tommy crossed to the now open doorway that separated the two parts of the room, but her voice caught in her throat, and she couldn't handle it anymore.

Grabbing her bag that was lying at Kwest's feet, she quickly ran from the room.


	2. Author's Note

Author's Note:

Because you all asked so nicely, I've decided to post more… I'm not exactly sure how much more, and it might be a little slow to come at times because of my other fanfics, but I have been working on a second chapter that should be up soon! Thanks to all who have read and reviewed, you guys keep me motivated! Hah

And also, Bubblebuttsbabe, the song is called 'Still Crazy' and it's by Paolo Nutini.. Sorry, I meant to include that info in the 1st chapter, but I'm kinda forgetful! hah


	3. The Things We Fear the Most

Summary: (It was somehow missing in the first chapter, so I'm including it here.) Tommy went to Asia alone, and when he returns six months later, he is completely broken. This is a one shot (for now) about a favor he asks of Kwest, and a single, heart-wrenching song that sums up everything that's been haunting him since the day that Jude Harrison crushed the unbreakable Tommy Quincy.

Chapter 2

The Things We Fear the Most

"I didn't mean for her to hear that… I just…" Tommy began, pushing his hand through his hair, and let out a frustrated growl.

"T, what are you doing, man??" Kwest asked, looking at him incredulously, "Go after her!"

Tommy looked up at Kwest as if he had gone insane.

"Kwest, I'm way past the point of doing that…" he replied bitterly, "She made her choice… She doesn't want to be with me so why put either of us through more than I already have?"

"Because you _love_ her… This is way beyond anything you've ever had before, T, this is the real thing," Kwest said firmly, trying to shake Tommy from his own delusion, "If you're not willing to let go of your pride, to put yourself out there again and again, to actually put your heart on a line even if it's hanging by a thin thread… If you're willing to _let her go_… Then maybe you don't feel as damn much for her as you think you do…"

Tommy looked up at him, now with a spark of realization and slight panic.

He opened his mouth as if to speak but closed it again a moment later when the words wouldn't come out.

"Kwest, I…" he trailed off again feeling completely lost and overwhelmed.

"Thank me later…" Kwest replied with a half-smile, "…And this would be the part where you go after her…"

Tommy looked at him again gratefully before running from the studio toward the parking area. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw Jude fumbling desperately with her keys as the rain that had just started to fall began to slowly soak the emotional blonde.

"Fritter!" she exclaimed in exasperation, bringing a smile to Tommy's face, and she suddenly saw a hand reach around to take the keys from her.

Her eyes slowly followed up the arm attached to the not-so-mystery hand until she finally gathered the courage to look him in the eye.

"Tommy…"

"Jude, what you heard back there-"

"Tommy, you really don't have to explain," Jude cut in, averting her eyes away from his piercing gaze.

"Jude, there's something I need to say, and I really need you to just listen, okay?" he said, firmly, but with a pleading look mixed with the determination in his eyes.

Jude just nodded in response, a little taken aback by his sudden demanding tone.

"Jude, what you heard in there… That song…" he began as Jude silently prepared herself for him to say it was just something he wrote to be a good song and nothing more, or worse, that it wasn't even about her, but her thoughts were interrupted as he continued, "It's completely and honestly what I felt when I left for Asia… And it's what I _still_ feel just as strongly…"

Jude's eyes shot up to meet his as her breath caught in her throat when he said this.

"Girl, I _love_ you… I am completely and painfully in love with you… And I know that at some point you loved me too…" he said with as much sincerity, honesty, and conviction as a person could have, "So I guess the question I have to ask you is, could you… _do _you_…_ still love me?"

"I…" Jude began but stopped as a bright light was suddenly shined in Tommy's face.

He through a hand up to shield his eyes and could just barely make out the figure of a man holding a flashlight.

"Everything okay here?" he asked more to Jude than to Tommy, stopping as he reached the two drenched musicians.

"Everything's fine…" she replied, looking down at the ground crossing her arms over her chest.

"Are you sure, Miss?" the man who they now recognized as a cop asked slowly, "Cause if not, please tell me…"

"I'm sure…" she replied, forcing a smile.

The man nodded and walked back to his patrol car that was sitting on the street corner.

"Jude…" Tommy spoke up after a moment of watching her stare at the car in silence.

"Not here… okay?" she replied, as she turned back to him quickly.

He nodded slowly, "Yeah… Yeah, okay…"

"Okay…" she said under her breath, looking very lost.

"Where do you want to go?" he asked softly, touching her shoulder.

"Can we go to your place to talk?" she asked in what was barely over a whisper, "I don't want to have to worry about explaining anything to other people…"

"Yeah, sure…" he said gently but there was an air of optimism that hadn't been there for a long time.

"I'll drive…" he said, resting a hand on her back and leading her to the passenger's side of her car.

He opened the door and let her in before jogging to the driver's side and pulling out of the G major parking lot onto the street, wondering exactly what he was going to do. Either answer was going to change his life completely. He couldn't bear another no, and was terrified that if she said yes, he would just end up screwing up and lose her forever. But if it meant that there was a chance that they could be happy and together for even just a short time, he was willing to do anything.

Tommy was broken away from his thoughts by the song that sudden spilled out through the speakers. He looked over just in time to see Jude quickly turn the CD player off. She had decided that the quiet was too much for her a moment before and, in an effort to take her mind off of Tommy's abrupt return to her life, absent mindedly turned on her CD player. 'White Lines,' the song she had listened to countless times in her car, room, and even at the studio through her ipod, rang out into the silence, and Jude nearly gave herself whiplash as her finger shot towards the 'off' button.

She froze, feeling extremely embarrassed, and stared at her finger that was still resting on the button. After a moment passed and her face changed back to its natural shade, she managed to force her eyes toward Tommy. She noticed that they were now in a driveway… _his _driveway. And she was also receiving a strange look from Tommy that she couldn't read.

"It's kinda cold out here…" she said nervously as she unbuckled her seatbelt and opening her door, "Let's get inside…"


	4. Tears That Break You, a Smile That Saves

**Chapter 3**

Tears That Break Your Heart, And the Smile That Saves It

* * *

They entered the apartment building and made their way toward Tommy's large penthouse in silence. Neither knew what to say, and Jude knew that if something this important and personal was going to be discussed, it needed to be in the privacy and comfort of Tom's living room, not the elevator where they were currently waiting.

"Jude…"

"_Great…" she thought to herself._

"Tommy, can't we wai-"

"I was just going to say thanks…" he cut her off, looking down at his feet as he leaned his back against the elevator wall, "for this… for _everything_ before, but just thanks for coming here, talking to me…"

"Oh…" Jude replied under her breath, "Tommy, to be honest… I didn't think _you'd_ want to see _me_… After I…"

Her eyes fell as tears of guilt and pain filled her eyes, but Tommy couldn't tell if it was the pain of regretting her decision or regretting that she hurt someone she cared about.

"You know I could never stay away from you, girl…" he replied softly, keeping his eyes on the ground.

Jude's eyes softened, "Tommy…"

She was cut off by the sound of the doors opening, and she turned to look at the empty hallway.

"We can talk better in there…" he said motioning out of the elevator's entrance.

She nodded and walked out into the hallway, Tommy following with his hand rested gently on her back as he led her into his luxurious yet simple penthouse.

About twenty minutes passed and still nothing had been discussed. Jude was sitting indian style on the soft black sofa with her shoes kicked off as Tommy emerged from the kitchen with two steaming hot cups of hot chocolate. He handed one to Jude before taking a seat beside her, and Jude just stared into the mug, lost in thought.

"Jude… That question I asked you…" Tommy finally spoke up, looking away from her, "It wasn't fair for me to put you on the spot like that… And I don't want you to answer that question unless you're sure of the answer… And I never meant for you to hear that song, I just needed to get it out so that it wasn't constantly on my mind… And I-"

"Forty-three…" Jude's soft whispered, causing him to stop in mid-sentence.

"Forty-three…?"

"Forty-three is the number of songs I've written for you since you left, "Well, completed songs, that is…" Jude added shyly, as she tucked her hair behind her ear, suddenly feeling very self-conscious.

His eyes softened as his head tilted slightly to the side.

"Jude… These past few months have been the hardest of my life…" Tommy spoke up, surprising himself with his honesty, but when Jude looked up at him, staring with the same softness as he had.

"I haven't been able to sleep, and I spent most of my time there in my room or finding quiet places to listen to music… Your music…" he continued, "And I kept us with you as much as I possibly could... Jude, no one has ever had this much control over me, and if you know your answer is that you don't still love me then please tell me now, because I _can't_ get my hopes up… I can't, Jude… And that probably makes me the biggest hypocrite I've ever met, but it's the truth…Girl, you… You have changed me _so _much…"

Jude looked down, and Tommy quickly explained his meaning, lifting her chin gently so that she would look his in the eyes.

"You make me feel like I can actually be a good man… Like I'm not 'Tom Quincy, infamous playboy' or 'Tommy Q, disaster waiting to happen'" he added, quoting some of the most common titles that the tabloids used refer to him, "You know me better than anyone ever has… You get me completely… And you still feel something…felt something… for me…"

"I never stopped," she sobbed out as tears flooded her eyes, "Tommy, I-"

Her voice cracked, and her words wouldn't come out, but what she had said made Tommy's eyes lit up, filled with hope, but also the most fear she'd ever seen in him. His hands both moved to her cheek, so that they cradled her face, shaking as he was filled with different emotions, some even conflicting the others and causing him to feel light headed.

"Jude…"

"I love you… Tommy… god, I… I love you more than I'd ever want to, and I've tried" she began to sob, "Tommy, I've tried to forget… I've tried to deny it… And I've tried to push you as far away as I could… But I can't lie anymore…"

"Jude, you don't ever have to," Tommy replied in a shaky voice as he engulfed her in his embrace, "I will _never_ ask you to lie about us again… I was stupid… god, I was _so _stupid!"

"But I'll make it up to you," he added, pulling away, just enough to look her dead in the eyes, his hands once again holding her face, "I'm going to do it right this time… And you have to know that I'm going to make mistakes… Probably a lot of them… But I love you, Jude… And I'll do whatever it takes to keep you in my life, because I meant what I said that night in the restaurant… I want all of you, girl… And I don't plan on letting you go…"

Jude, whose eyes were starting to get red and whose tear-stained cheeks were soaked, wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling herself close to him, and buried her face in his shoulder. She looked up after a second just enough to whisper softly into his ear.

"I'm so sorry… _so_ sorry for the way I treated you…hurting you like that, Tommy, I didn't want that… I just didn't know how I could trust you again… But it was a mistake…"

She laid her head against his chest, and closed her eyes praying desperately that this wasn't just a very realistic dream.

"Guess we've both made some pretty big ones, huh?" he asked softly, tightening his hold on her.

"I'll forgive you, if you forgive me…" she replied, her voice small and vulnerable.

"I never could stay mad at you, Harrison…" he said with a half smile, and Jude laughed, her first genuine laugh in a long time.

Her smile was intoxicating enough, but when she laughed, he couldn't help but do the same.

* * *


	5. Letting Go?

**Chapter 4**

Letting Go?

* * *

Tommy was awoken by movement from the girl who had previously been lying by his side. He blinked his tired eyes a few times to clear his blurred vision, and when he did, his eyes fell upon the young blonde at the door.

"Jude..?" he asked in a scratchy voice.

When she said nothing, Tommy pushed himself onto his arm to that he was facing her directly.

"Jude, what's wrong?" he asked in concern, now fully awake.

"Nothing…" she replied finally with as much of a smile as she could muster, while he stood and crossed the room.

He stopped behind her and slipped his arms around her waist, nuzzling his nose against her neck. Jude instinctively closed her eyes at the sensation and gasped softly.

"Jude…" he whispered quietly against her neck.

"Huh..?" she responded breathlessly, her eyes remaining closed as she enjoyed the warmth of his gentle touch.

"I want to be with you…"

"You are with me…" she replied, and he turned her around to face him.

"That's not what I mean-"

"I know…" she cut in, "I know…"

"I don't want to push you, but I need you to know that…" he said, his sincerity burning into her like hot pins.

"I love you, Jude…" he added so softly that she could barely hear it, as he leaned his forehead against hers.

Jude closed her eyes tightly against his words, the anxiety that had woken her now rising even higher. She couldn't shake it. It was the same panic that had engulfed her when Tommy asked her to go away with him. And in that moment, all Jude wanted to do was get out of that room… his room… and get away from the cause of her overwhelming panic.

"I can't…" she winced, pulling away from him and rushing toward the front of the apartment.

Once she reached the living room, she grabbed her purse and yanked open the door.

"Jude," she heard Tommy's confused and scared voice call from behind her as she rushed out and down the hallway, stopping at the door leading to the emergency stairs, "Jude, wait!"

His voice only pushed her to go faster as she wrenched open the door and fled down the countless sets of winding steps.

"Hello..?" a voice said groggily, "…Hello?""Sadie…" Jude finally spoke into the phone, her voice shaky and weak, "I need your help…"

"Jude..?" Sadie replied, her voice changing in concern, "Jude, what's wrong? Why aren't you here?"

"Could you pick me up..?" she asked quietly, "I know it's late, and I'm really sorry I woke you up like this, but I just- I didn't know who else to call, and I-"

"Jude, where are you?" Sadie asked, interrupting her sister's rambling, but Jude just went silent, "…Jude??"

"Tommy's," Jude blurted out, "I'm at Tommy's…"

"I'm on my way," Sadie replied simply, the anger ringing clearly in her voice, and Jude suddenly felt guilty as she could only imagine what her sister must be thinking,

"And, Jude..?"

"Hm?" she replied as she was startled from her thoughts by her sisters voice.

She'd almost forgotten that Sadie was still on the line.

"I love you."

A tear fell down her cheek, and Jude quickly pushed it away with her sleeve, "I love you too, Sades…"

Jude sat on the side of a large, beautiful fountain that stood outside of the beautiful apartment building, welcoming the visitors that came in. And after what seemed like only moments, a familiar car pulled up in front of her, and Jude rose.

Just as she reached the passenger's side of the car, a voice from behind caused her to stop mid-step. She was frozen, unable to even turn to look at him.

"Jude…" Tommy repeated as he came to a stop beside her, "What happened up there? …Where are you going?"Jude opened her mouth to say something as their eyes finally met, but stopped when she heard her sister's voice, noticing that Sadie was now outside of the car, glaring over the hood at the man standing beside h

"Get in the car, Jude… Let's go…" her sister repeated more firmly, never taking her eyes off of Tommy.

Tommy's eyes moved to Sadie but only for a moment before quickly back to the other Harrison.

"Jude, please..." he spoke in a soft but desperate plea, pressing his forehead against hers, "Talk to me, girl"

"I can't..." Jude replied, her eyes tightly shut to hold back the tears filling them.

"I don't understand," he added, his confusion clear in his voice, "You've always been able to talk to me"

"I will, I promise, I just..." she trailed off before taking his face in her hands and looking deeply into his eyes, "Tomorrow... I'll come back tomorrow.. I just need some time"

She turned and took the few remaining steps to the car where Sadie was still glaring warningly at Tommy, but with a slight unsureness in her eyes after watching the exchange between the two.

"I'm sorry, Tommy... I'll call you tomorrow..." Jude added weakly, stopping to look back at him before sinking into her seat and closing the door.

Tommy watched as they drove away before walking over to the fountain where Jude had been sitting only minutes before and dropping down onto the edge. He burried his face in his hands, unable to shake the feeling that he was losing her all over again.

"Jude..." Sadie finally spoke up, never taking her eyes off of the road ahead, "Are you going to tell me what exactly happened back there or are we going to just sit here in silence the rest of the night"

"Sadie, please.. not now"

"Then when, Jude? When you're ready?" Sadie added, pulling the car to a stop on the side of the road and turning to her younger sister, "I don't know what happened between you two before I got there, but I do know that he before he left, he told you he loved you, and you broke his heart- and I'm not saying it was wrong or that he didn't deserve it, okay?- and just now, it looked like his world was crashing in around him"

"I panicked, Sadie..." Jude's answered, her voice breaking emmotionally.

"...What?" Sadie asked, her voice suddenly softening.

"I panicked then, and I panicked tonight..." Jude added, her eyes locked on the dashboard infront of her as she tried to keep her voice steady, "I was laying in his arms just... watching him sleep-"

"Wait... Did you sleep with him?" Sadie asked cautiously.

"No... He just... held me... and I couldn't do it, Sadie... I couldn't be that close to him, believing him"

"Trusting him, you mean"

Jude's eyes met her sister's, knowing she was completely right, and after a moment, she gave a weak nod and let her eyes slowly fall back to the dashboard.

"Jude..." Sadie cooed, pulling her sister into a comforting hug, "You can't keep him at arms length..."

"I know..."

"You have to either let him in... or let him go..." she added, tightening her hold around the younger blonde.

"Let him go..." Jude repeated almost inaudibly.

* * *

Author's Note: Okay so I know I haven't written in quite a while, and I apologize, but due to certain complications in my life it's just been hard to find the time. And I'm so sorry for 1) writing such a short chapter and 2) leaving you off at that, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless and thank you for all of your patience!

-SF


End file.

Instant Star, Drama, Romance