Bleach 1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"Alright, everyone! Let's get this meeting STARTED!"

Vice-captain Matsumoto Rangiku smacked the table at the front of the members of the Shinigami Woman's Association, her eyes gleaming with excitement. Once everyone, excepting Yachiru, was paying attention, Matsumoto turned to Nanao.

"Funds are down as usual, correct?" The bespectacled woman nodded curtly. Matsumoto grinned.

"Well," she said, sweeping her arms outward in what was meant to be a grand motion, "I have a brilliant—no, ingenious plan, that will reward us with much funds AND entertainment!" The busty red-head struck a "V for Victory" pose. "Seriously, I'm a genius."

"So, what is it?" Soi Fon asked tartly from her position next to the door, arms folded tightly and leaning against the wall.

"We," Matsumoto started, "are gonna have the shipping war to end all shipping wars." Yachiru waved her left hand in the air, as her right was occupied by the stick of a rather large purple lollipop that was currently residing in the small girl's mouth.

"Mwuuths ahh Thihipeng?" she asked, not bothering to remove the lollipop from her mouth before speaking.

"She asked what a 'shipping' is," Unohana chirped in helpfully, her mother-like skills apparently extending to understanding incoherent children incapable of proper manners.

Matsumoto nodded her thanks to the dark-haired captain before answering.

"Shipping is the belief that certain people should be together romantically," she stated. "When you place the two together, they form a 'pairing.'"

"Now, what we'll do first is make a 'Pairing Wheel,'" Matsumoto drew a rough estimation of a carnival wheel on the boar at the front of the room.

"Ooh!" Yachiru yelled, pointing at the well on the board, "I got a comb from one of those! Andthenigota—" Soi Fon shoved a cookie into the pink-haired girl's mouth, effectively silencing her.

"Continue," Soi Fon stated, keeping a steady stream of treats going into Yachiru's mouth. Matsumoto sweatdropped slightly before turning back to the board.

"Each segment will have a different, well known shinigami's name. We'll spin the wheel twice," she drew little swirly marks to simulate spinning, "and the two whose names were chosen will be written here." Matsumoto drew a little board next to the spinning wheel before adding another wheel.

"Then, we'll spin another wheel to determine the challenge that pairing must face."

Nanao raised her hand.

"So," she stated frankly, "we're essentially playing matchmaker to the famous people of Soul Society?"

"And Ichigo's crew," the busty red-head added, "there's no way I'm letting them out of the fun." Matsumoto paused. "And, yes, we are definitely playing matchmaker."

"where do the funds come from all of this?" Soi Fon asked, still shoveling treats into Yachiru's mouth.

"The betting, sake, and blackmail material of course!" Matsumoto smiled, "this is a competition as well. Whatever pair performs best in the challenges wins "Best Pairing," gets a week off from paperwork, and the couple gets promised to have a perfect relationship!"

Everyone started, amazement on their faces. "Promised a perfect relationship? How on earth will you make _that_ happen?"

Matsumoto shrugged, "I bribed the author."

"The what?" The women all looked at the red-head in confusion.

She shifted a bit before answering, not wanting to unstabilize reality by explaining, "Uhh, I have...connections..."

"..."

Matsumoto coughed awkwardly, "Aaaanyways, what do you say? Shipping war?!"

"HAI, SHIPPING WAR!" they agreed, though with varying degrees of enthusiasm.

Matsumoto grinned evilly, "then, Soul Society's first official shipping war shall now—BEGIN!"

"HAI!"

.0.0.0.

Meanwhile, in Urahara's Shop...

Urahara dashed into the room, practically skipping with happiness. "Tessai, we need another batch of those new cameras, STAT!"

"May I ask what for?" Tessai asked as he got to work.

"Ooh, something juicy came up, and I don't want to miss _any_ of it."

.0.0.0.

Meanwhile, in Hitsugaya's Office...

Hitsugaya Toshiro felt a shiver up his spine—odd, considering he used an ice-type zanpaktou and had never felt cold in his life. There was only one cause of this phenomenon, and he knew from experience that it was never good.

"Whatever Matusmoto's planning better not involve me, booze, or getting out of paperwork..." he mumbled.

Of course, it _would_ be all three.

.0.0.0.

Meanwhile, in the Kurosaki household...

Ichigo bounced a rubber ball against his ceiling, waiting for someone to get kidnapped. Well, not _specifically_ kidnapped, but he was waiting for _something_ to happen. No hollows, no mysterious attacks, no recurring villains...

He was _really_ bored.

And so he waited for something to happen...

**A/N: Be careful what you wish for Ichigo!**

**Yay, a new fic! *dances* I hope this will be insane fun (for you and me), but first I would like some help from YOU GUYS! *points at you* **

**What pairings are they going to test? Which characters like what pairings? What will the challenges be? How long will the war go?**

**The very fate of the characters depends on it! Your reviews and PMs will greatly influence the story, so please feel free to write!**

**Thank you for reading, and I hope to see you again next time—when the _real _fun begins!**

***bows***

**-drawnoflife**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Wow! This got a lot bigger response than I had imagined! Thank you to all who reviewed, followed, and favorited! I love all the pairings and suggestions you've given. You guys are amazing! :D**

**And, oops, I lied. The war officially starts with the next chapter. And, unfortunately, this one is pretty uneventful... : / Hope you all enjoy anyway!**

**Chapter 2**

The next day, at the planning meeting...

"This SWA meeting is called to order! Glasses, my treats." Yachiru held a hand out to Nanao, who then placed a stick of dango in the small girl's hand. With the president now busy, Matsumoto took charge of the meeting.

She grabbed a marker and smiled at the rest of the women, excepting Unohana Taichou, who had not arrived yet.

"Continuing on from where we left off yesterday, I suggest that we list the various merchandise that will be sold." She wrote 'Items for Sale' on the board.

"I want candy!" Yachiru yelled. The rest shouted out their ideas.

"Photos?"

"Videos."

"Plushies!"

"Fanfiction."

Matsumoto vigorously wrote down the suggestions underneath her previous writings. Spinning back around to face them, she asked, "where will we be getting these?"

Nanao grimaced before replying, "I suspect my captain will be quite...willing to provide some works of...fiction."

"I will assign part of the stealth forces to set up cameras," Soi Fon added.

"I'll—"

She was cut off as Unohana Taichou walked in, an unknown shinigami in tow. "Forgive me for being late, I was picking up my latest addition to the 4th squad, Miyamura Seiko." She gestured to the girl, a relatively young woman with pitch black hair in a bun and a corset cinched over her sleeveless kimono. Two daggers, both part of her zanpaktou, were strapped to her upper arms. She gave a halfhearted wave and a grimace to the group. (1)

"Wait," Matsumoto said, the name sounding familiar, "Miyamura, the one behind that huge disaster at the academy?"

"When the kidou instructor made-out with a potted plant during an examination, or the one where half the building got destroyed when the entire male population became obsessed with removing the plumbing?" Isane added. Seiko snickered and mumbled, "so worth it..."

Matsumoto grinned evilly. "So," she asked, leaning conspiratorially toward the new girl, raising her eyebrows suggestively, "you like pranks?" Seiko's grin matched the vice-captain's. "Oh, do I?"

While Unohana began regretting her decision to let the two pranksters meet, Soi Fon brought the attention back to the meeting.

"Why did you bring her here, anyway?" she asked bluntly. Unohana smiled. "I believe that her talents will be most beneficial to our...fundraiser." She turned to her subordinate.

"Will you give us a demonstration, please?" Seiko nodded and drew her zanpaktou—well zanpaktous. She grabbed the daggers strapped to her upper arms.

"Wait, how come she gets to keep her zanpaktou while we don't?" Matsumoto asked, slightly whiny. After one particularly...destructive meeting, Kuchiki Byakuya (whose house they met at) had banned the weapons from the premise and, consequently, their meetings.

"Well," the black-haired girl sighed, "my zanpaktou gets really cranky and prissy if left alone, and starts messing up everyone's emotions." She smirked, "Kuchiki Taichou didn't believe me and had to find out the hard way."

"So," Matsumoto said, leaning forward again, "if I were to ask you if Kuchiki Taichou were behaving in a blackmail-worthy manner, would that answer be yes?" Seiko's grin was confirmation enough.

Soi Fon smacked her fist on the table in irritation, splintering the wood and leaving a dent in the process. "Can we get back to the manner at hand now?" she growled.

Matsumoto pouted, "Fine." She turned to Seiko, "is there anyway you could make certain individuals fall in love with each other? For a limited time, of course."

"Yes," Seiko raised an eyebrow, "may I ask why?" The busty woman grinned and wrapped an arm around the girl.

"Well.." she whispered greedily as she explained the entire plan to her newest partner in crime.

-One Explanation Later-

"You...are a complete genius."

Matsumoto grinned at the compliment. "So, we gonna get that demonstration now?"

Seiko drew her zanpaktou(s) again. "Sure, what do you want?" She paused. "Sorry, Oritamaretayume (2) has decided for you."

Matsumoto raised an eyebrow. "Your zanpaktou?"

"Yeah," she replied before closing her eyes and reciting her release command.

"_Anata no kibou kazeni tsuihou shimasu, Oritamaretayume."_ (3)

Seiko's reitsu spiked and the women in the room felt a sudden wave of emotions, passing through too quickly for them to identify each one. The air around the shinigami shimmered slightly as Seiko's zanpaktous changed. The left formed an elaborate white handle embedded with several blue-black beads, while the right elongated, the handle becoming a gaudy red-orange and wrapped with a gray cloth.

Seiko ruined the effect with her mumbled comment, "no, Oritamare, you will _not _be making _any_ of them strip. Yes, I mean it. I'm not afraid to make Tayume tie you up again."

Unohana coughed, "Continue, please." Seiko blushed slightly in embarrassment.

"Yes, Taichou."

She took a deep breath.

Silence.

Then, Soi Fon scowled and charged out of the room.

"Where is she going?" Isane asked Seiko. The girl smiled. "She's off to murder Byakuya Taichou for cheating on her with Zaraki Taichou."

A stunned silence filled the room. Well, silent other than the sounds of combat and an angry Soi Fon coming from upstairs.

"I do believe," Matsumoto said calmly, "that this will be the best fundraiser _ever._"

Seiko grinned.

.0.0.0.

You can find a link to an image of Seiko on my profile.

"Collapsed Dream," according to the translator I used.

"Banish your hopes to the winds, Collapsed Dream," again, according to the translator.

**A/N: Yes, an OC. I tried to get around using one, but then I realized, "Hey! That one OC I made ages ago would make this fic even better!" Hopefully you guys like her...**

**Also, all characters are fair game for the pairings! Soul reapers, arrancar, visored, the kids at Ichigo's school—everyone! So feel free to keep cranking out those pairings—especially the crack ones. (I have a soft spot in my heart for crack pairings...) Many, if not all, will be used!**

**Hope to see you again next chapter!**

***bows***

**-drawnoflife **


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Bleach, Humor, Romance