Harry Potter The Incident

**Here is another story for the Diagon Alley II Battle Challenge. For this round I have picked the following prompts:**

**We could always dump the body in the lake and tell them the Giant Squid ate it. (4)**

**James, Sirius, Severus (8) Ted/Andromeda (5) Merperson (2) Resuscitate, Vomit, autumn, Australia, Knickers, Treacle Tart, Fixate (7) Rennervate, Piertotum Locomotor (8) **

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><p>It was late <span>autumn<span> as two boys walked merrily down the halls of Hogwarts. They walked with a mischievous sense of purpose at all times; but this time in particular had them practically beaming with a dubious sort of glee, not unlike that of Peeves. James and Sirius had to admit to themselves that this plan, that had them in such high spirits, was their most devious thus far.

As they searched the castle for their target, they passed by Sirius' cousin, Andromeda and her boyfriend Ted. Andromeda was one of only two members of Sirius' family he still talked to. She, too, had been wiped from the family tree for her involvement with Ted, a Muggleborn. Andromeda eyed the two boys suspiciously, but she seemed to think better of getting involved in whatever roguish activities her cousin and his friend were probably already knee deep in, so instead she just rolled her eyes and laughed as Sirius passed by, offering her nothing more than a telling wink.

James and Sirius found the greasy haired boy they were looking for, out on the grounds a little ways away from everyone, as usual, next to a tree he loved to sit under. It was one he usually sat under with Lily Evans, but she had been spotted by Peter in the library studying, which is how Sirius and James knew the coast was clear and they could try out their latest prank.

"Hey, Severus. How are you doing?" James smiled, startling the pale boy out of his book.

"Leave me alone, Potter. I don't want any trouble." Severus stood up quickly, preparing himself for whatever James and Sirius had planned.

"We aren't here to hurt you." Sirius held his hands up in an offer of peace.

"Why should I believe you?" Severus snapped.

"Look," James pulled something wrapped in a napkin out of his cloak pocket and held it out for Severus to see. "We even brought you a peace offering. It's a Treacle Tart; we heard they were your favorite." James unwrapped the dessert so Severus could see.

"Why would I ever trust you enough to eat that? You knocked all my stuff out of my hands. My parchment went everywhere and my quill broke!" Severus glared at the two boys.

"Aw, Sev, why do you have to fixate on the past?" Sirius groaned.

"That was this morning."

"It still counts as the past." Sirius mumbled back.

"Look, after we did that, we got an earful from Evans about it." James tried to smooth the situation over.

"So? She yells at you every time you do something to me. It's never stopped you from doing it again." Severus shrugged. "Why is this time any different?"

"Because I actually listened to what she was yelling about this time. We both did, and we realized that she had some very good points."

Severus dropped his guard slightly. "Really?"

"Yeah, all that stuff she's always saying about us not really knowing you and being bullies…we never really paid attention before, but maybe she's right." Sirius sighed.

"We figured we got off on the wrong foot with you. Maybe we didn't give you a fair chance in the beginning, I mean not all Slytherin's are bad, just look at Sirius' cousin, Andromeda."

"Yeah, Andy is awesome. And, maybe you could be awesome too if we got to know you."

James held out the pastry to Severus once more, and this time he took it. Hesitating for just a moment, Snape took a bite from the tart. Almost instantly, he blacked out. James and Sirius were smiling and laughing right up until they realized the he was collapsing towards the tree he had just been sitting under. With a loud clunk, Severus' head hit the trunk of the tree and James and Sirius froze.

"That didn't sound good." James said before rushing over to check the unconscious boy. Placing his hand on the back of Snape's head where it made contact with the tree, James could feel something wet. He knew what it was before he pulled his hand away, but seeing the blood with his own eyes made everything that much more real.

"Bloody hell!" Sirius gasped. James quickly began wiping the blood off on Snape's robes. "Is he dead? Did we kill him?" Sirius seemed to be panicking a little.

"How am I supposed to know?" James answered back, freaking out a bit as well. "Maybe we should take him to Madam Pomfrey."

"And say what Prongs? Sorry we killed a kid, it was just a prank! I can't go to Azkaban, man, I'm too pretty." Sirius fussed.

"This isn't funny, Padfoot. He could really be hurt; we can't just leave him here."

"Maybe we could dump the body in the lake and say the Giant Squid ate it."

"First, the Giant Squid doesn't eat people. Second, I doubt we would be lucky enough to find even a merperson willing to eat Snape. Lastly, he might not be dead."

"Then maybe we should just leave him here, because I don't want to spend the rest of my life hiding out in Australia because we accidentally killed a guy."

"Stop being melodramatic Padfoot, it doesn't suit you." James teased. "I think I hear him breathing. I don't want another detention though, so we can't take him to Madam Pomfrey. But I have another idea."

"Good, what is it?"

"You stay here; I'm going up to the common rooms to get the Invisibility Cloak. Then we'll hide him under it, and move him somewhere with more people and let someone happen upon him."

"Good plan, why do I have to stay here though?"

"So nobody happens upon him with the treacle tart. Also, get rid of the treacle tart." After receiving a nod from Sirius, James rushed off towards the Gryffindor common rooms.

On the way, he almost crashed straight into Lily Evans, who was headed in the opposite direction as he. "Evans!" James shouted in warning as he stopped himself just shy of a full on collision. He grabbed hold of her shoulders to help him steady himself, as she stood stock still, probably shocked by the turn of events.

After gaining his balance again, Lily shrugged herself free of his hands. "What is wrong with you, Potter? You could've killed me!"

James chuckled uncomfortably. "So sorry, Evans, wasn't looking where I was going. Speaking of which, where are you headed?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but outside. I'm meeting Severus, and we are going to hang out." She squared herself, daring James to say something rude about her friend.

"Oh, well that's funny because I could've sworn I saw Snape heading towards the Great Hall." James pointed Lily away from the direction she was currently headed.

"But, we said we were going to meet up under the tree…" Lily furrowed her eyebrows, not sure if she should believe James.

"I don't know anything about that, but would I lie to you Evans?" James put on his best earnest face. Lily paused for a moment before sighing.

"Well, thank you." She turned and started heading down another hallway, instead of continuing on her previous path.

Sighing in relief, James took up his mad dash once more. He reached the common rooms with no other real trouble, and on his way back he was only stopped once by Professor Slughorn who told him to stop running through the halls. James listened only until Slughorn was out of sight, and then raced back to Sirius and the still unconscious Snape.

"What took you so long?" Sirius growled.

"I ran into Evans, she was on her way over here to meet him. I had to redirect her, you're welcome."

"Alright, alright. Let's just get him somewhere we can leave him." Sirius grabbed his wand from his cloak pocket. "Piertotum Locomotor." He said with his wand pointed at Snape. The body rose from the ground and James placed the Invisibility Cloak over it. Then the two boys tried to walk around the grounds as inconspicuously as possible, as they searched for a place to leave Severus.

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><p>Andromeda and Ted had just finished enjoying a quiet date down by the lake, when they noticed James and Sirius walking around and looking suspicious. Grabbing Ted's hand, Andromeda quickened her pace, sneaking up behind her cousin.<p>

"Hey!" She called.

Both boys jumped, letting out equally funny yelps of surprise. Sirius lost focus on the spell and Severus' body dropped onto the grass with a dull, yet still audible, thud.

"What was that?" Andromeda asked, trying to look around Sirius for the source of the noise.

"Nothing!" Sirius and James said at the same time. A thin layer of sweat could be seen building on each of their brows.

"Oh it was definitely something. You two couldn't be less sneaky if you tried. You've never been this obviously up to something before. What have you done?" Andromeda questioned, placing both of her hands on her hips and tilting her head.

"Listen Andy –" James stepped forward to try to shoo her off. Unfortunately, he tripped over Snape's still hidden body and fell to the ground, causing the Invisibility Cloak to bunch up around his ankles and reveal the unconscious boy's body.

"What did you do?" Andromeda said more seriously this time. "Is he…dead?" She whispered the last part of her question.

"I think I'm going to vomit." Ted began hyperventilating next to Andromeda.

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, Ted. He's just been knocked out." Sirius grumbled.

"Then why are you idiots carrying him around under an Invisibility Cloak?" Andromeda raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, why don't you just take him to the Hospital Wing?" Ted added, calming fairly quickly once he knew he wasn't staring at a dead body.

"We've got way too many detentions already. If I get in any more trouble my mum will kill me." James explained.

"Well, did either of you think to try to resuscitate him instead of sneaking him around?" Ted offered.

James and Sirius shared a look which told the couple that the answer was no.

"How are we related?" Andromeda stared at Sirius. Then she whipped out her wand and, after rolling her eyes at Sirius and James, she pointed it expertly at Severus. "Rennervate."

For a second nothing happened. Then a small groan was heard from Snape's mouth. James hopped up, gathering his cloak and giving a look to Sirius. Then both boys smiled at Andromeda and Ted, and took off towards the castle.

"Thanks Andy!" Sirius called over his shoulder.

"You'll take care of this right?" James added, never stopping in his full sprint to get as far away from the scene of the crime as possible.

With matching sighs of exasperation, Andromeda and Ted knelt down over Severus to help him up and take him to the Hospital Wing.

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><p>Inside the castle, James looked at Sirius as they finally slowed to a walk. After catching his breath he made a decision.<p>

"I think, maybe, we should stop messing with Snape after this."

"I think you're right Prongs."

When they got back to Gryffindor common rooms, Remus and Peter were waiting for them.

"Where have you two been?" Remus asked, taking in their sweaty, red-faced appearances.

"Nowhere."

"What were you doing there?"

"Nothing."

"Riight, well, the full moon is tonight. You want to catch a nap so you aren't tired later?"

"Yep, wake us in an hour."

With that, the two boys went up to their dorms to get some sleep before they had to go. Both of them silently swearing to never speak of that afternoon's incident again.


End file.

Harry Potter, Humor