Instant Star 1. Author's Note & Summary

Hey guys…I know I know. Shoot me. Drown me in fake cheese. Lol… Gotta love Degrassi. And Instant Star even more. So…. WHO'S EXCITED FOR SEASON FOUR!?!?!?! I know I am…lol. So I know my last story was total crap…which I why I deleted it. I liked the idea and such, but there was no way I could do that. So if any one wants to base one off of August Rush, be my guest. You'll probably do better than I would have. Anywho.

I have two new story ideas. I am going to try (hence the TRY) to work on them at the same time…if not it'll take longer to update them. Anyways…both these ideas have been bubbling around for a while…or as Jude has said…bouncing around…lol

Umm. Anyway. I hope nobody gets offended and thinks I am stealing any ideas, for any reason. I have a strange imagination and just thought these up so apparently…if we shared the same idea…great minds think alike.

Moving on…this is one of them…If you all would like…go check out my other one. This is in Jude's P.O.V. As in, "I" am Jude. Lol…not sure that it just the way I always write. And it takes place after All I Want Is You…so yeah. Another "not sure why" I love those. I like picking up where things left off.

First I have to explain my reasoning for when Jude's birthday is. I am going to place it November 4th for two reasons. One, because that is also Alexz Johnson's birthday. Two, there are clues in The Long and Winding Road. Tommy tells Darius that her birthday is in "less than a week"…the next day, Jamie tells Paegan, "But it's October". See? It could have been the end of October, making November 4th less than a week away. So, that's out of the way.

So, Jude and Tommy did more the night before her birthday…yati yati ya da… I am also going to assume that the distance between the finale and her birthday was between and a month or two. Nowhere to run was the next day…Celebrity Skin couldn't have been too much later, Sympathy For The Devil was a week after that, and All I Want Is You wasn't much later either. So…everything else has happened…Jude did not chose Tommy…but we all know they'll be together later. I am a complete and total Jommy fan. You don't like it…then please leave now. Lol. So, it's been seven weeks since her birthday…and Tommy's been gone for one week. What happens when she learns she's pregnant? Dan Dan Dan…

So, this is the story of that. She got pregnant (assuming---my guesses) November 3rd, and it is now mid-December. So…moving on. If you have any concerns, questions, suggestions, etc. PLEASE let me know. Hopefully I will have the first chappie up soon. Love you guys, and thanks for your support!!!

Much love,

XoXo

LeeCee


	2. Prologue

_A/N: OMG! I know, I suck…huge! Guys, I am so soory. (Haha. Canadian) I have been so stressed, and just ugh. I have been experiencing horrible writer's block. I wanted to write tons on my Spring Break, and I hate myself for not. So, it's Sunday, which means I can't promise an update soon. But I swear I'll try. But reviews really do help. So…moving on. I present to you…CHAPTER UNO!! And a mini-prologue._

**Mini-Prologue**

Have you ever had one of those life-changing moments? Most people have. Most people have had more than one. A moment so dramatic, that it changes your life entirely, and completely flips your world inside out, upside-down, and any other way. You become so totally different, and you don't have any clue as to how you should act. You don't quite know if it's good, or bad, or just different. It's tough, though.

My first life-changing moment was winning Instant Star, but that was three-years ago. A lot has happened since. I've loved and lost, learned from mistakes, and made family relationships, and friendships stronger than I could have ever hoped. And my life is pretty extraordinary. So how is that, throughout my whole journey, learning so many things about life, friends, family, music, and most importantly…love, can all come crashing down with the small plastic stick in my hand? How can something so small…make something so huge, cause so much change? It's simple, but not. I never thought this could happen to me.

This crazy journey of life, the wheel of the world, it's all so… See I can't even find the words to describe it. Life can change so much, so fast, and not even warn you or slow down for you to catch up easier.

Picture the tiniest thing, and imagine just how much that small thing can change you. It can help you start a life. A new life, one you never thought you'd live. Not only at this exact moment, but ever! It's a lot to take in. Not to mention the fact that, I have no idea what to do. It's the biggest change I've ever experienced. That's saying one hell of a lot. I think about the typical questions that flow through ones mind when they discover something like this. What about my career? Simple enough, I don't have one. What about my family? Will they support me through this? How will my dad react? Not to mention my friends: Spied, Karma, Kyle, Wally, Mason, Paegan…and I can't even imagine what Jamie will do? It'll break his heart.

Three years ago, if someone walked up to me and spoke these words to me, "Jude, in three years you're going to be hopelessly lost. You'll be so confused; mostly because you'll be passionately in love with, and carrying the first child that will be borne to…(yep, you're right…I know what you're thinking) Tommy Quincy." And if that really did happen, you know I would have punched them, and walked away laughing. That would've been the most outrageous thing I'd ever have heard someone say. Me? No way! That so would never happen to me.

Guess what? It did! And he has no idea. I had no idea. We've both been hurled violently into something neither of us expected, nor were remotely ready for. But, I have to be ready. Remembering what Jamie told me a year ago…it's time to grow up. I have to, not for my friends or my family or even myself, but for the small embryo slowly growing inside me.

Yep, grow up. It's a scary thought, and one hell of a challenging thing to do, but I have to. I have no choice. I can only hope that my family, and in turn my friends, will back me up. At least until he comes home, and then I have more problems to worry about. But I will worry about those crossing those bridges when I get to them. For now, I just have to adjust and deal with the most terrifying, and amazing changes I'll ever be faced with. I just hope I can do this.


	3. Chapter One: Two Positives

_A/N: Okay, so there's the prologue. Here's Chapter One. Again, Jude POV, set after season three. She did not choose Tommy, neither did she choose Jamie, but her and Jamie are close friends. Okay, Chapter One…Enjoy!_

**Two Positives Don't Make A Negative**

Is that ever a fact? I'm standing against my bathroom sink, trying not to hyperventilate. With two positive signs staring up at me, I curse my freshman algebra teacher under my breath. Whoever said that two positives make a negative obviously never got pregnant. I took two tests, hoping maybe I was wrong. But I wasn't. What am I gonna do? Sadie's in Mexico, Tommy's in Thailand, and I can't imagine talking to Jamie about this. It'll kill him. We're not officially together-though; he thinks that-and I don't wanna crush him. Not now. Not when I really need him. I mean what would I say anyways.

"Hi Jamie, I just found out that I'm pregnant with Tommy's kid." That would swing real well. Note my sarcasm. Ugh. This is insane. I don't even know how I could possibly do this. Now? I have no job, still being stalked by the paparazzi, and the father of my growing child/love of my life thinks I hate him seeing as he's across the planet and I should be with him if it wasn't for my stupid, giant chicken-ness. And when, which might very well be months, he does come home…he won't talk to me. Again, he thinks I hate him, which in turn means I broke his heart. Good times, right. Sorry, I really have to stop with the sarcasm.

Not to mention, if he comes home in months, he'll return to see a very fat Jude. That won't go too well either. Oh, yeah. "Tommy, I have to tell you something. I've been pregnant with your child and yeah…welcome home!" Right. That's great. If he does what I did to him, he'll probably jump to conclusions and think it's Jamie's. Note my shudder.

God! This is a complete disaster. I don't want to call this a mistake, I mean, it's not. It's one hell of a surprise, but not a…mistake?

Options…. options. What am I going to do? I don't think dad will kick me out; he rarely puts his foot down. Not to mention, I'm making him a grandfather. It just seems to me that, maybe it's time I get a place of my own. Something for the baby and myself, and…daddy? If he ever forgives me. I rarely regret things. I learn from my mistakes and they made me who I am today, so I usually do not regret. This, however, I regret. If I hadn't been so chicken-shit, I would be happy (for an understatement) with Tommy. I was just terrified. You know, you're supposed to 'go for what you want' which is exactly what he did. He put his heart on the line and professed his love for me, and I shot him down. Well, not exactly, but I might as well have. I was scared. I don't think I can handle getting yet another broken heart from him. I've used up more lives on him than ten cats.

And yet, I still find myself loving him. How can I not? He's the one for me. And yes, that is cheesy, but you find another way of saying it. I love him, because he's it for me. If only he could quit shutting me out and just love me with everything he has. Maybe that's exactly what he was trying to do, and maybe I would have a picture-perfect (or close to it) life. I'll never know.

Sadie gets home tomorrow, and until then, I'm hopelessly lost. Not that she can completely understand how I feel, she has played mom to me for a while now. And she's the only person I can think of to talk to about this sort of thing. Sadie's very wise. And I know I can trust her. I need to tell my dad, and my friends in the meantime.

I take a deep breath, and slowly exhale as I toss the tests in the trash and walk out of the bathroom. I start towards the staircase, but my dad's voice stops me. I need to tell him.

"Honey, is everything okay? You seem upset." His eyes fill up with love and concern. I have to do this. I motion for us sit on the couch. He's still wearing that look and I take a deep breath, before choking on it. My entire body betrays me as I finally let go and break down. I can feel warm tears slide down my cheeks and sobs ripple through my body. My dad pulls me into a warm hug and whispers comforting words to me. When I finally calm down, I pull away.

"Dad?" A few more tears fall, but I continue. This is important and he needs to know. I open my mouth to speak, however the front door bursts open before I can speak. My sister struts into the room, Kwest just behind her, lugging suitcases in. My dad's puzzled expression matches mine.

"Sadie? What are you"- She cuts me off.

"Dad? Jude? I have some news!" She widens her smile, and Kwest walks over to stand next to her. I had the complete initiative to tell my dad, at this moment, but the next words my sister utters out send that plan flying through the door. Now how do I tell him?

_A/N: Slight cliffhanger. Sorry, guys! And sorry, it's so short. Well, review. If I get lots of reviews, I may post more sooner than next weekend. Sorry, but school and other drama. I get completely away from inspiration when I have no free time. But, if you guys so choose, I may just get enough to crank out another chapter sooner. Anyway, review. Thanks to those who read…and especially those who review._

_Lots of love,_

_XoXo,_

_LeeCee_


	4. Chapter Two: Early Mornin

_A/N: Okay… So great news! I had more time to work today. Yay! Thanks to Tanya and chocolateelephantz who reviewed. Not to mention my first two reviewers; you guys rock! Ummm, any new-coming readers please enjoy! I love review; they immensely inspire me._

_Okay, so on with the new chappie. Hopefully it's longer than the last one. LoL! I was inspired, what can I say?_

**Early Mornin'**

Ever have one of those moments? Like, you have something you need to say, and you spend all this time working up the courage to say it when something else just jumps up and "steals the spotlight?" I can't tell me dad now, he'll freak. That's too much in one day. He's already "losing one of his babies". Yep! Sadie decided to drop the bomb. The simple, yet elegant white-gold and diamond ring stood out like a sore thumb (but more gorgeous) on my sister's left hand. It's strange, really. All that wishing my sister were here, and now that she is, I am almost disappointed. I was actually ready to tell me dad. Now? No way. Too many surprises.

After congratulating the lovebirds, I finally went upstairs. Sadie came up shortly after to unpack and let dad and Kwest get to "know each other more". Ugh! It's so…weird. Maybe I'm just acting insanely jealous. I have no idea what is wrong with me. Psychotic much? Possibly. I blame mood swings.

Yes, I think I have started showing other symptoms besides the more-recent morning sickness. Even still, the nausea isn't as bad as I thought it would be. But after looking at my calendar to see if pregnancy was even a possibility, I noticed something else. I would be somewhere around eight weeks. Now that I think about it, I think the baby is considered an actual fetus now, and not just an embryo. Either way, I'm still a few paces off the deep end. I have no idea how I can be so calm on the outside, while inside…I'm having a full-blown panic attack.

I spent some time, before I took the test, wondering what would happen if I was pregnant. I mean, before I knew I actually was. What would it be? What would it look like? Would it love music as much as mommy and daddy do? Would it be glad to have me as its mommy? Would I even make a good mother? Can I handle raising a child? Now? Ever? How would my family and friends react? How will my fans react? The paparazzi would go absolutely insane. Eighteen-year-old, single, Instant Star pregnant! That's just great!

I even started debating whether or not I should get my own place. If I did, I can almost picture my life. The baby, maybe a dog, a nice apartment…all to myself. It sounds nice…quaint. But it still seems off. What could possibly be missing? That's a rhetorical question, never mind. I know exactly what, or rather who, is missing from that picture. I just…I don't think he'll be as understanding as people would say. Especially after I broke his heart. And then if he comes back and the first thing he sees is me pregnant? Even if he learns it really is his, would he be upset because I never tried to tell him? Not that telling him by email/text/phone would be a very smart thing to do. That's one of the most, or rather three of the most, horrible ways to tell someone something like that.

It might make for a nice Christmas present though. Or not. Or not. Who honestly knows right now? I am too confused to really think. Oh! I'm just so…lost. Without him? It's awful. I feel so lost, so…lonely. I need him. I really do. I can't do this, any of it, without him. Maybe I should just, try to call him and calmly explain things. Maybe-

My thoughts are abruptly halted as my sister knocks softly before inviting herself in. I'm lying on my back, on the bed, day-dreaming. Or so it appears. My hands are gently resting on my stomach, on my child. Not that Sadie knows that yet. I let my eyes wander over to her. My features immediately switch from content, to confused. She is no longer smiling or holding that engagement glow. Something's up.

"Sadie, what"- She cuts me off.

"Jude, what is going on? Dad told me that you practically collapsed in his arms earlier. He said you wanted to tell him something right before we walked in. What"- She stops and looks at my stomach, my smooth hands resting on it. Noticing the fact that her eyes are widening, I quickly remove me hands from their comfortable position. "Jude?" She already figured it out, I can tell. Sadie may be blonde, but she is far from dumb. The tone of her voice isn't questioning what is wrong, but how this could happen.

"I just found out today…" I whisper. She lets herself fall onto the bed next to me, her hand covering her mouth in a gasp. She is surprised to say the least. Why wouldn't she be? Her baby sister is having a baby. "Sadie, I", I choke out, "I'm so sorry. I don't even know how I let this happen. I just, I…I feel so confused, so lost. What am I gonna do?" I sob and sit up, noting the tears falling from her eyes. She finally pulls her hand away, only to pull me into a hug. We stay like that for several minutes, hugging, crying together, and comforting each other. This is the way it should be. I really did miss my sister.

When she finally pulls away, she wipes away her tears, letting out the smallest of laughs. "Jude. It's okay. It'll be okay. Okay?" I nod at her, letting a final few tears escape. "I'm here for you. We'll…we'll do this together. Just…just know I'm here. You aren't alone, Jude. I promise."

I nod once more, truly believing her words. "Sadie, you have no idea how much that means to me. Now all I have to worry about? Telling Spied, Dad, Jamie, and everyone else." I let out a slight laugh. She smiles at me, and now, I don't feel as alone anymore. I know she's here for me. She always will be.

* * *

I wake up, the bright, cheery sunshine beating down on my face. I blink away the bright shock to my eyes. The headache I had last night from so much weeping is no more. I feel, somewhat relieved. I'm not the only that knows now, and I know I'm not on my own. It feels nice, waking up and being grateful for this beautiful day. Despite the snow, the sun is shining brightly, gleaming full of life. And hope!

After showering and picking out slightly looser clothing, I head downstairs. I think, whether he can handle it or not, it's time I tell dad. Might as well tell Kwest, too, since he's still here. I am assuming he stayed the night. But what do I know? I over-slept, he could have come back earlier.

Bounding into the kitchen, I see Sadie at the stove, my dad, Kwest, Paegan, and ohmygod! Jamie. Now what? Well, Sadie knows and I am guessing she told Kwest by the dirty look he's giving me right now? I look at Sadie questioningly and she confirms my thoughts. She told him. Yay! Note the sarcasm. He's pissed at me because he knows whose it is. He also knows I haven't told that certain person. As for my dad, Paegan, and Jamie, they have no clue. Problem: I wanted to tell dad. He needs to know. Paegan could even know, as long as he can keep a secret. Jamie? Wow. This may just be fun. I was hoping not to lose my best friend. Ever.

Remembering what I said to him the day Kat broke up with him. The same day we "unveiled" out tattoos. I made him promise that no matter what, we would stay best friends forever. We even pinky-swore it. Not that that can add up for much to most people, but for us it means the world. He's been my best friend for fifteen years and I'm not about to end it. He's helped me through so much, and maybe, just maybe, he can help me through this too.

I look to my sister once more, pleading with my eyes on what I should do. She just looks at me like 'you need to deal with this'. Goodie. My dad smiles at me, but his eyes are curious. Right, he's still worried about me because of yesterday. I smile brightly back at him, and then, as quickly as it came, I let it fade.

"Morning." I say, attempting to sound cheery. Again, attempting. Not really succeeding. Jamie moves over to me and gives me a hug. I think my dad may have told him what went down yesterday, because his tone sounds worried, too. I sigh. I have to suck it up and do this, whether Jamie hates me or not. I take a deep breath. "Okay, okay. I know. Dad, I was trying to tell you something yesterday." All eyes are on me, but to prevent myself getting general paralyzing freaked-out-ness, I avert mine to focus on my dad. I can do this. I can do this. I take another deep breath, and finally start.

"Dad. I have some news." I know it may seem like I am drawing it out. Kind of like how announcers of contests draw out the winner's name. Trust me I know how that one feels. But I am honestly not. It's not like that at all. This is hard for me. Especially with Jamie in the room. I guess I should be glad that Tommy isn't here. I couldn't do it if he was.

My dad coaxes me into confessing. "Honey, whatever it is you can tell me. You know that. Just…please. Tell me, you're scaring me." He is giving me the most heart-breaking look right now. I can't take it.

"Dad!" I cry, but shoo Jamie's comforting arm away. I need to get this out. Now. "Daddy, I'm so sorry." Sadie rushes to me side, and holds me up just as I feel my body give out.

"Jude, c'mon. You can do this." She nods reassuringly at me, her eyes filled with genuine certainty. I force back more tears, and frustratingly wipe away the ones left on my face. I look up at my dad's face once more, and my heart immediately breaks by the hurt I see there.

I look down. I can't face him when I tell him. It'll break his heart. "Dad?" I whisper. "I'm…I'm pregnant." I utter out so softly. It didn't matter. They all heard it. They were so silent, we could hear a pin drop, so as not to miss a thing I would say. And it worked. They know. They all know. Now I just have to tell SME. And eventually, daddy.

I feel strong arms wrap around me as I let my head fall onto the shoulder. No more tears come. I'm too shocked to cry anymore. I still can't believe this is happening to me, now. As my breathing slows back down, I feel warm liquid on my shoulders. My dad's arms are the ones keeping me secure. I knew it would break his heart. How could this have happened? I mean, children are supposed to be blessings, but not now. Why me, why now?

After staying in my dad's arms for what felt like an eternity, he finally pulls away. He still is bearing that heart-breaking look. I can't handle this, knowing I've caused his pain. Is this what Tommy always saw on my own face? I hope not. It's not a great feeling: guilt. It leaves the bitterest taste in your mouth, and can leave your body feeling like it's been hit by something hard and metallic

"Dad, please say something." I exhale. I hadn't even realized I'd been holding my breath. He shakes his head gently.

"I, uhm. I have to…get to…get to work. I'll uh, see you…later." He grabs his briefcase and, after glancing at me, swiftly exits the room. When I hear the echo of the front door closing, I let myself collapse into the nearest chair. Sadie sits down next to me, whispering comforting words into my ear. I can't even bear to look up at Jamie, not after seeing how badly it wounded my dad.

"Sades…what. What did I do, to deserve this?" I know it sounds downright evil, for me to think a child could be a terrible thing, but I just can't handle this right now. It's too hard of a time.

"Jude Elizabeth Harrison! How dare you think this a burden! Most people would think of it as a blessing." Told you. I interrupt her before she can rant on more.

"Sadie. Calm down. I didn't mean it quite like that. I just mean, I don't know how I can do this. Right now? I mean this is hard." Her expression softens and a small smile graces her features. Oddly enough, I can feel myself smiling too. Maybe things will be okay. I think back to what she said yesterday and feel that small part inside of me that is holding onto hope, I can feel it expand.

"I can't believe you let him do that to you." A cold voice interrupts. My head snaps in the direction of the voice. Of course! The owner of that voice is Jamie. His face is cold, hard. It's that seething, non-Jamie thing again.

"Jamie"- I'm cut off by him walking out and slamming my door behind him. Paegan looks at me, and speaks gently, comfortingly, before following Jamie. "Jude, sweetheart. Don't worry about him. He'll come around; he's just shocked. Give it time. In the meantime, I'm here. If you need anything."

I smile grateful for him. He's a good guy, honestly. After he leaves, my eyes trail to my soon-to-be brother-in-law. "Kwest…please don't be mad at me. I only found out yest"- He cuts me off.

"Jude, I'm not mad at you. Honest. But there is something you need to do." He stands up, kisses Sadie on the cheek, and leaves the room. "I'll leave you two alone for now."

"Thanks, babe." Sadie says. Another smile grazes her face as she looks at her fiancé.

"Sadie?" She looks at me and refocuses on anything I might need. "I think I'm going to head to the space. I need some time to think. Not to mention, I should tell Spied. And I know he'll understand." She nods.

"Whatever will be good for you." I stand up and, after re-doing my makeup, head out the door. I sigh as I get into my car. This is going to be one long day. So much has happened and it's only early mornin'.

_A/N: Okay, so that's it for now. I'm already working on Ch. 3. And may have it done by tonight. I wrote more than I thought I would, but I'm actually happy I did. So review. Lol! Thanks guys…soooooo much._

_Much love,_

_LeeCee_


	5. Chapter Three: How Much Can I Take?

_A/N: Okay. I know, I was supposed to have an update last night. I am sorry. I was exhausted after the long week and just wasn't up for writing last night. But, I have the next chapter now. I want to thank everyone for commenting the story so far. You guys really helped me feel like I'm accepted. I was so worried about posting here. Um, I am not sure I mentioned this, but you all know I do not own anything about Instant Star. I only live and breathe for the show. And I love expanding my writing abilities and pouring my ideas into fanfics on my favorite drug. Also, not that she knows, but I want to thank my bestie…I borrowed her middle and last name as Jude's ob/gyn. Anyways, thanks again. Here's chapter three…_

**How Much Can I Take?**

The warm breeze wafted through the open window on the other side of the beige-shaded walls. I still feel like these walls are gradually closing in on me, every day. It isn't a pleasant feeling. But, lately it's all I've been feeling and I still feel that I'll never grow accustomed to it. The loneliness, the hollow, empty, worthless feelings consume me, gouging deep into my already bleeding wounds.

I close my eyes and let my mind do the walking; walking through memories. They're the most real things I've felt for months. Some people seem to think that cutting a person from your life entirely will help ease the pain of saying goodbye. It is all a lie. I want to keep happy memories. They hurt, sure, but they keep me sane.

In my mind, I can do anything. I can run my hands along the smooth porcelain skin of the girl who keeps my heart still. I can see her shining smile, hear her laugh like she's got no worries, like she's happy and completely oblivious to the horrors that haunt our world every minute of every day. I can see clearly into the crystal blue depths that I have gotten so far lost in too many times. And yet too many never seems to be enough. I can hear the soft melodies that she hums to when she's deep in thought. And I'm happy…because she's happy. That's all I ever wanted. That's the only thing I want more than her herself, I want her to be happy and her life to be fulfilled.

When I open my eyes, however, I am faced with the cold reality. Nothing matters anymore. I can only hope that she's happy. For that's my only comfort. She doesn't love me the way I love her. I gaze out the window at the beautiful scene that graces my eyes. I feel a burning at the back of my eyes as I think of how much more beautiful this scene could be. At how beautiful it should be. I blink, forcefully commanding the tears that threaten to stay buried where they are. I need to be happy. She knew what was right for her, and apparently I am not. I don't blame her. Not after the shit I've put her through. In fact, I deserved exactly what I got, more even. I got a slap on the wrist compared to how much hurt and pain I've put her through.

I only wish she could see that I'm different. I have to be. I want her; I'd do anything for her. I love her. And I never thought, after Angie, that I could love any woman again. I'd always thought Angie had been the one for me. And I sure as hell didn't believe that I'd love deeper, stronger than I had with Angie. But two years after her death, some fiery, stubborn, teenage girl sure proved me wrong. How is that possible? How is that she can do that, have that affect on me?

Because, she's Jude Harrison. That's the only explanation I have. I can't tell you exactly why. I mean, some of the things she does, the things that used to annoy me so much, are the things about her that I love even more. She is the only person who has the ability to piss me off like no other, and the only one who I feel I can open up to and be honest about everything with.

But I can't take back everything that I did wrong. It's too late for that. I can't go back. Some situations in life are like a one-way street. I can only keep moving forward. And I don't know how. I just can't believe something so amazing and wonderful just walked into my life, and I let her go.

Something is different though. It almost feels like…I can't explain it. Something just feels different. The winds carry a certain feeling and it's slowly making its way to me. I can't quite describe it, but it's almost reaching out solely to me. Calling for me, reaching out for me to-

_Whenever you crash, wherever you land, that's where I'll be. _Where does it hurt? C'mon, Jude. Could it be any more obvious? Wait, that's my cell. I should probably answer it.

Picking up my phone, I read "Sadie" on the caller ID. Now what would the sister, and my ex, of the woman who broke my heart be calling me for? She knows I wouldn't answer if her little sister called me. Maybe my thoughts of happy-Jude were completely idealistic. Nothing's wrong with her, right?

I press the button and, attempting a strong voice, I offer a small greeting to Sadie. It should be late their time, why would she call? Unless something's wrong. Nothing can be wrong. No, that can't be. Everything's fine. Maybe that would have been the case, but Sadie's next words came and shattered my any thread of hope that Jude was fine. Any hope that this phone call had nothing to do with my girl.

* * *

That sticky and cold goo does not comfort me one bit. I mean, honestly. I'm one of those people that can't stand when food gets on the corners of mouth; I am constantly wiping them with the napkin. And feeling sticky goo-that's exactly what it is-on my stomach? Not so pleasant.

Okay! Official facts about my baby: It is now considered a fetus. I am eight weeks and three days pregnant, which is equivalent to fifty-nine days pregnant. It doesn't seem like much, but I'm far enough to have a picture of my baby. Although, the black and white image on this card scarcely looks like a baby. The date today is December 19th and my ob/gyn is Dr. Marie Gonzales. Marie has actually set a due date for me already. It's tentatively set for July 27th, exactly forty weeks.

I have now been aware of my pregnancy for four, excruciatingly long days. The people who I've shared my 'blessing' with include my sister and father, my soon-to-be brother-in-law, Paegan, Jamie, and Spied. Considering Jamie won't talk to me, and I don't see Paegan too often anymore, I don't think I have to worry about anyone else finding out soon. Spied says that I don't have to worry. Surprisingly enough, Spied and I are so much closer now than we've ever been. He's very supportive and I know that he'll be there for me. 'Just call me Uncle Spied.' Were the words he spoke to me, resulting in a small smile from me.

I don't want to worry Kyle or Wally yet, so they're still in the dark, along with daddy.

I pull up to my family home, the one that holds most of my most treasured moments. My dad's car is in the drive, meaning he got let out early. This should be a good time to try and talk to him. He's been so…distant, ever since I told him. I know this is hard for him, and if I thought he hated Tommy before…I just wish he would talk to me. I miss the bond we used to share.

Sadie is out with Kwest, as usual. She's supporting me, sure. But they do spend a lot of time together. She always tells me she's 'just a phone call away' if I need her. I can take care of myself. But I do appreciate her. I honestly have no idea what I would do without her.

I stop the car, get out, and lock the doors, while humming to the latest radio hit. As soon as I enter the house, I feel a sudden chilling feel, and my stomach drops to the floor. Something is not right.

I tentatively take a few steps into the house. Sadie, Kwest, and my dad are sitting in the living room. The expression on my dad's face is not one that I was expecting. He looks angry, and flustered all at once. Sadie is looking at me with the most concerned mother look I've ever seen grace her features. Great. Something's not right.

"What's going on?" I ask, completely aware of the faulty-ness in my voice.

"Jude, we have…a visitor." My sister whispers. Kwest looks to her, concerned. My dad looks to me and opens his mouth, hopefully to elaborate, when a voice interrupts him.

"Jude. Honey, it's been too long." I turn on my heel, and standing inside MY house, is the woman that caused the pain over a year ago. The one who abandoned my sister and I. The one who, for her own selfish reasons, never thought twice about the effects her actions would have on her daughters. The woman who was planning on selling our childhood home. I had spent time thinking, if dad hadn't been able to buy it from her, and someone else had…my sister and I would have been on the streets, and the worst part was…she wouldn't have even known. Or cared.

Using my eyes, I shoot daggers at her. How dare she think she can waltz back into my life? She may be my mother, but the last year and a half; she may as well have been dead. I haven't heard from her at all; not one single letter or phone call. Nothing.

"What right…do you think that you have…showing your face here?" I angrily question, making extra sure to keep my voice lowered. I refuse to stress myself out screaming at her. I need to be strong. I can't be stressed right now. I have to be a good mother, unlike what she's been the last eighteen months.

She lowers her head, probably dropping it in shame. Good, she needs to know how wrong she was. "Jude…look? I know you hate me right now, but I need you to see my point of view. Don, he…didn't want to make a fuss with things. He knew you couldn't stand him. He knew how upset you'd be. And I"-

I cut her off. "So you ABANDON your DAUGHTERS for a guy you'd known less than a year?" No more miss nice girl. "What kind of a mother does that?" She looks away again. She is so weak; I never even saw that. After dad broke her heart, she couldn't stand feeling so helpless. Not that I blame her for that. I've felt that myself. But I would never desert my own children, whom I raised for, one of them, almost twenty years for some guy I'd not even known for a year. Sadie and I both knew it was her attempt of getting over how badly dad destroyed her. After her family was broken apart, she felt no choice but to rebound. I couldn't exactly blame her for that. But I could blame her for leaving me, without so much as a goodbye.

I lower my voice and at my soft tone, she looks up again. There are tears glistening in her eyes. "Look, I don't blame you for wanting to feel…complete. But you did all the wrong things for that. Don't you get it?" I shake my head, at a complete loss for any explanation as to why she did what she did the way she did it. If that made any sense, it does to me.

"Honey, I never meant to hurt you." I scoff, and look away. If I had a dollar for everytime someone told me that…"Either of you." She looks past me, at my sister. My sister; I never really thought about how this situation affected her. She really had to step up, and take mom's place around here. I look away from my mother, and back at my sister. She's looking down, completely torn between us.

"I can't do this right now. We can deal with this later, but I need to think. Just…leave." I say turning back to her, in the calmest voice I can. She looks so close to tears, but I honestly do not care at this point. I have so much to worry about right now. She nods, and I think I here her whisper "I'm sorry" before the door closes behind me. I walk the rest of the way to the couch and let my body collapse onto it. Not even realizing the tears spilling from my eyes, I feel Sadie's arms wrap around me.

"What was she thinking, coming back here and expecting everything to be alright?" I sob to my sister. She shakes her head at me, tears welling in her own eyes as she shrugs.

"Jude, I'm so sorry. I should've said something before"-

I raise my eyebrow and the tears abruptly stop. How could she? "You KNEW?" I pull myself away from her grip. The tears she'd been fighting back were finally falling freely. She betrayed me, and she knew it. "You knew she was coming home?"

"I'm so sorry. I…I panicked. I knew you wouldn't accept her homecoming, and I didn't even expect her to come around. Jude, please. Don't be upset"-

"You still could have told me."

"I knew you would freak out. I made my own plans. Jude, you need help. Someone beyond me, or dad. Maybe mom can help you through this. Jude, you're going to be a mother in less than a year. Do you not get that?" She raises her voice and I see Kwest's gaze shift uneasily to my dad.

"Of course I get that, Sadie. Oh, my, god! Did you think bringing our mother home would HELP? Did you honestly think that?" I shake my head.

She sighs. "I didn't bring her home. Jude, I wasn't necessarily talking about mom. I knew her coming home would upset you. And right now, you need someone. Between Jamie abandoning you, mom coming home, and you becoming a mom? You can't do this all alone." Her voice is calmer now, and she speaks gently, hoping to let me see her understanding of my situation. I am fully aware of that fact, though.

"What exactly are you saying?" I am already getting uneasy. I don't feel very good; I'm actually feeling a bit dizzy.

"Jude…mom is not the only one you need home." And with that, everything goes black.

* * *

_A young girl with bright blue eyes, much like my own, and golden blonde curls, also like my own, is running towards me. At least, I think she is. She's laughing and got the smile of an angel. Running as fast as her small legs will carry her, she's running away from something-or someone. But, in a playful way. Someone's chasing her. She runs to me, and leaps in my lap._

_Much to my surprise, I laugh and she lets out a giggle._

_"Mommy, tell daddy he can't get me now." She demands. I smile at her, and kiss her cheek. Looking up, my breath catches in my throat. He walks over to us with an enormous smile on his face. The small girl, my daughter, squirms in my lap, obviously displeased that I ignored her demand._

_He picks her up and places her on his hip. He kisses her cheeks, making her giggle even more. She places her small hand on his face and kisses his cheek. I smile at the sight. This really is the best view. He looks at her with a semi-serious look on his face. You know the one, where he is being playful, but tries to look serious. He whispers something in her ear, making her nod._

_She turns in his arms to look back at me. I swear she's the most beautiful thing I could ever lay eyes on. But, I guess every mother feels that way. "Mommy, daddy wants me to tell you something."_

_I look questioningly at him, but he merely sets her down and she bounds up into my lap once more. I place a hand on my stomach, which is surprisingly large._

_"Careful, honey." I say gently. She nods._

_"Daddy wants me to tell you something. He says it's impertont." I laugh at the adorable attempt._

_"What is that?" I say, the smile never fading. She leans into me, and cups her hand around her mouth, so as to whisper in my ear._

_"Daddy says he loves you very much." She states matter-of-factly. And with that, my eyes are filled with tears._

_He leans down and, wraps us both into a loving hug. Pulling back, he wipes my tears and kisses me._

* * *

I wake up, an annoyingly bright light blaring down on my sensitive eyes. I blink and let them adjust to the rude awakening. I look to my right and see a few machines. Oh no. I passed out, right? I know exactly where I'm at. Tell me nothing's wrong.

A woman walks in, looking bright-eyed and cheerful. She must be the nurse.

"Ah, you're awake. Good morning, Jude." My face must read confusion. "I'm Katherine, and you gave your family quite a scare. How are you feeling?" Her eyes read concern.

"I'm fine." I say. "Why am I here, what happened? Is the baby"- She cuts me off gently.

"You're okay. The baby is fine. Your sister said you passed out cold in your home, and she got worried. They brought you down here just to make sure everything was okay. We're going to have you just take it easy today and rest, but you'll be able to go home later on." She nods, reassuring me.

"Thank you." She smiles and turns to leave. "Wait, we?" I question her. She smiles again.

"You have quite the pack of visitors downstairs. They'll be extremely relieved to know you're awake. Would you like one of them to come up? Just one, though. We still want to keep you at ease." Wow, I never would have thought that nurses would be so warm. I mean, the way she's talking to me, reminds me of how mom used to talk to me when I was sick in bed when I was really little.

I nod. "Yeah, that would be amazing. Thank you." Whoever would be the 'one' visitor, I had no clue. Probably Sadie, seeing as she was the one who was overprotecting me.

I sighed as Katherine left the room, leaving me to my thoughts once more. I placed my hand on my stomach and ran through the events of my (dream?) again. It had been more futurific, and my daughter was around five. I was happy, though. And pregnant, again. I smiled at the thought of a family.

Before I can delve too deep of those thoughts, however, the door opens. And the in walks the last person I ever expected to see.

_A/N: Cliffhanger!! Heehee, I am evil. Very evil. Anyway, I am so glad I finally completed this chapter. I was getting to mad at myself for not working on it. I was going to finish it last night, but I had a splitting headache. I'm sorry. I am so happy for all the reviews, though. And they really keep me motivated to keep going. I am really happy with how this turned out. It's longer than I thought it would be, and I really love the "dream" scene. I hope you guys love it, too. Anyway, there should be more within a week. I'm going to try to work on it a lot more often. Thank you for being so patient with me. The next month is going to be hectic. I have two performances next week, and two dances to work with. I also have orientation this week, and plenty of career drama. But, I am hoping to have plenty of time to work on this. I am really happy with the direction this story is heading. Once it's complete I am going to try to update other stories. I am sorry for fans of my other stories; I want to work on those too. I just can't seem to work on more than one at a time, or else they won't be as good because I can't focus all my attention on one thing at a time. So, review. You guys rock._

_Much love,_

_XoXo,_

_LeeCee_


	6. Teasers for Ch 4

Okay...I suck huge.  
Sooo, no new chapter. YET!  
But I do have some "teasers". Look, they may not be spoilers, per say. And they may not be great, but I do have half the chapter typed up. So, I will put a couple "teaser-types".  
I hope this doesn't make things worse. And hopefully they can tie you all over 'til the next chappie.  
Thanks for the support guys.  
You're all amazing!

_"What the hell do you think you are doing here?" His concerned look changes by the vocal knives I pierced into him._

Just admit it, nobody means anything to you. Quit lying and saying that some people do…they can't handle it. I can't handle it. You've done this too many times" – I trail off, and end the sentence in the calmest whisper.

"I couldn't lose you." Tears had threatened his own eyes, but he fought them back.

I was doing fine until she fucked things up.

Whether I wanted to, or was even ready to admit it or not, it felt nice having him here.

I just felt - knew deep down really - that something was not right. 

Again, I am trying. Thanks for the patience.

Much love,

XoXo,

LeeCee


	7. Chapter Four: A Feeling Like This

_A/N: Yep! Finally, I know. I'm sorry. Like I said, busy weeks. It really was! Anyway, I finally found inspiration and time, so here's chappie four. I also wanted to thank everyone; I've had many wonderful reviews. Sorry to keep you all waiting. Thanks for the patience. I also wanted to clear things up in case you were confused in the last chapter. I did the "scenes" out of order. The first one was actually between the middle and end. So that Sadie-calling-Tommy-scene comes after Jude's blackout. Sorry if that confused you. Also, I will be writing a hell of a lot more now that school's out and season four is almost over. LoL! I am going to add Zep, and maybe Milo into the story. Just because we now know them. Since Blu wasn't in the show long, I won't even mention her. But I do want Jamie to have someone. In this chapter I'll refer to her, but Jude has yet to meet her. I'm going to try really hard not to mix up my story with the new events from the new season. LoL! If I do, please play along…lol. Thank you guys, you're awesome…as always! Okay, on with the story…_

**A Feeling Like This**

_(Previously)_

_Before I can delve too deep of those thoughts, however, the door opens. And in walks the last person I ever expected to see._

* * *

I shake my head and command that those puppy dog eyes not get to me, before using the anger-technique and lashing out at him.

"What the hell do you think you are doing here?" His concerned look changes by the vocal knives I pierced into him.

"What am…" He trails off and laughs like he can't believe me. "Why are you the one who's upset? You're the one who…"

I laugh coldly. "Who what, Tommy? Who broke your heart? Please! Just admit it, nobody means anything to you. Quit lying and saying that some people do…they can't handle it. I can't handle it. You've done this too many times" – I trail off, and end the sentence in the calmest whisper. "to me."

"Jude. Why would I lie to you? I never have…" – I cut him off, again.

"That's a lie, right there." I'm yelling now, which is probably straining the baby. The baby! Shit…

He uses my pause to start in. He considers yelling, I can see it, but I know he doesn't want to fight. I know him. He lowers his voice down to a serious whisper. "No it isn't, Jude. When have I ever lied to you? And I'll ask again, why are you the one who's upset?"

His eyes read genuine confusion. I hate keeping secrets. That sounds bad after my birthday, but I really do hate secrets, especially ones I can't bear to tell him. I shake my head and force tears from escaping. I can't handle this. I can't. Why did he have to come back? Why? Things would have been so much easier if he'd just stayed gone. He's still waiting for a reply, so I speak as truthfully as I can, without telling him.

"Because…every time you tell me you'll stay, you leave. And before you argue with me, let me just say that yes, I did want to come with you. I was just…scared, terrified that I'd only end up in pieces – again! And I couldn't handle that! I couldn't! So, I chickened out. But you still left. YOU were the one who chose to still leave me behind while I" – I couldn't finish. The tears fell freely now and there wasn't a thing I could do to keep from sobbing out.

I buried my face into my hands and let the shaking dominate my body, until I felt strong arms envelope me. I wanted to resist him so bad, but…I couldn't. I honestly, truthfully could not. My body refused to push him away. It wanted him, needed him, even still. So, I leaned into his embrace, accepting it. It was no question; I did still love him. I just…couldn't, not under these circumstances.

After the tears subsided, he pulled back and pulled my face up to look at him. His eyes were lost deep in mine, full of love and concern. He gently wiped my tears and kissed my forehead, before resting my head against his chest. I couldn't help but wonder why he had come home…now?

"Tommy" – He cut me off, shushing me. "No. This is important." He looked down at my face, which I pulled away from his grasp and pushed his hands away. His expression changed once more…to hurt. "Why…what made you come home? I mean, why now?"

He started, his voice heavy with…grief? "Sadie called me, Jude." He stated is matter-of-factly and I had a sinking feeling she told him for me. However, his next words confirmed why she called. "Jude, she told me you were in the hospital, and I was worried. I…I thought it was really serious. I got here as soon as I could, but I still felt like things were worse than they really were. I just…. I couldn't…. I couldn't lose you." Tears had threatened his own eyes, but he fought them back. I sighed, from both exhaustion and relief. So, she hadn't interfered after all.

"Oh." Was all I could muster, just a breathless oh. I just woke up and I've already had a long, hard day. I needed him to leave. I needed to just go home and rest, without drama and chaos. I also needed to talk to my sister. I demand to know why she was messing up my life. First, my mother and she knew. Now Tommy? Ugh! I was doing fine until she fucked things up.

"I need you to leave, Tommy. I can't… I can't handle this right now. I have some things I need to take care of, and I can't do it right now." He looks at me, a mixture of confusion and anger. He wants me, I can tell. It's not "me being egotistic," it's just the truth.

"Jude, talk to me. What the hell is wrong with you? What?" The look on his face is one of pure perplexity.

I turn my eyes away from his pleading ones, full of shame. "Please. Tommy, just go." I whisper, begging him to comply.

"You will call me." Those are the last words he speaks before leaving the room, and leaving me to my thoughts. All alone. Whether I wanted to, or was even ready to admit it or not, it felt nice having him here. If only for a split-second; I felt I wasn't in this on my own. Until the brutal reality reared it's ugly head and showed me the true loneliness. Yes, I had my friends. But could they really help me the same way Tommy could? Could they really replace him? In the baby's life? In mine?

It's so frustrating, not knowing any answers and always being left in the dark. Maybe I'm being hypocritical, leaving Tommy in the dark about being a father, while I know equally how horrible it feels to be wandering around with no light. Well, until he walked in. It was then that I was tossed a small flashlight and I had a moment's worth of light. It felt…like I truly belonged somewhere…with someone.

What hurt the most was that I was the one to extinguish that light; that hope. What is wrong with me? I crushed the only source of comfort I had.

I throw my body back, letting my head hit the soft, white pillows. I sigh and suppress a groan as I realize what I've done. Why? How could I have been so stupid, so…ignorant?

As if there couldn't have been a more perfect moment, Nurse Chatty waltzes into the room. She notices my distress and, despite the cheeriness, her eyes cloud over with concern. "Honey, are you alright? Do you need anything?" She speaks with a soft, motherly tone. Maybe I should take some notes. I force a smile, and shake my head.

"When do I get to leave?" Those are the only words I allow to this stranger. She smiles softly and tells me that I can start to pack up.

The rest of the day goes by in a blur: packing, signing out, reuniting with family and friends, driving home, Sadie playing mom, and finally I resume my roles around the house. However, I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't quite place it; what else could possibly go wrong? I didn't like it; AT ALL! It left the most awful churning of my tummy, and a bitter, yet sweet taste in my mouth. It was a feeling of…I'm not sure. I just felt - knew deep down really - that something was not right.

* * *

Ugh! Have you ever felt the after-taste of both regret and denial at the same time. That was the acidic taste I awoke to. Something's not right. I feel my stomach lurch. Morning sickness, but not. I feel nauseous, but like nothing will come. It's entirely physiological. Or maybe it's not. I can't even tell anymore. Maybe I'm losing my mind. What's wrong with me? Is this normal?

Anyways, last night's dream was a bit…scary. Not the typical killer with screaming victims running from multiple tools used to cause torturous pain (and I need to stop) kind of scary. Something that really scares me…as a mother. A mother? Wow, I'm finally accepting it.

It started like a normal – sorta – dream would. It felt so real, and natural...

_I was standing with Sadie and Kwest, and I was wearing this printed sundress. As I placed my hand on my stomach, I was noting the large bump I'd acquired. I turned to Sadie and found out that I must have been around seven months along, maybe more. She didn't keep up exactly. But that wasn't the scary part._

_We were having some sort of party, or some kind of event. As I scanned the room, hoping to find some sort of clue as to what this event was, I saw a bright pink banner bearing a curly "Congratulations!" across it, and a large table sporting a white and flower cloth with tons of gifts on it. They were all sizes, all bright cheery colors, most pink, and bows on many. The pink should have given it away. When I saw the guests, I recognized most. SME and Karma, Mason, Jamie, Paegan, a girl I had yet to meet who stood with Jamie and Paegan, Sadie, Kwest, my dad, Darius, and other GMajor-ettes. I saw some other acquaintances that I'd met before, but there was only one person who really stood out._

_The really weird part was…he was trying to stand out. Now normally, Tommy's the kind of guy who hates these major GMajor events, and if he must come, he hides out. Not today. I found that odd. He was all smiles, and the guests were…what looked like, congratulating him. Suddenly he looked over at me, and our eyes met. His smile widened, and I couldn't help but beam back. He politely excused himself from the small group around him and started to walk…towards me?_

_My legs started to wobble slightly. Why? Why does he have that effect on me? Suddenly I felt an excruciating pain erupt from my stomach. The baby! That was the only thing on my mind. I doubled over and Tommy ran until he reached me. Sadie, Kwest, and Tommy were the only ones who I really could see; pure panic on each face. I couldn't tell what was happening, but I was not feeling well at all. Was this labor? Or worse?_

_I vaguely remember blacking out a little, and I thought that I was dreaming. Which was really odd when I really woke up, but like I said before this felt like reality. Anyways, I distinctly remember sitting in the E.R. My dad, Sadie, Kwest, and Tommy were with me. Apparently there were others in the waiting room. I was so confused, and yet, I felt like I was missing something, like I was on autopilot or something. What was going on?_

_My first thoughts were the baby…my main worry. I quickly moved my hand to my flat stomach, searching for signs that the baby was – wait, flat? Everything else went blurry after that; I was thrashing around screaming, desperately searching for answers. Where was my baby? With tear-filled eyes, Sadie tried to calmly explain, once I'd settled down._

_"Jude…there's something that…" She was cut short however by the overwhelming tears. I knew, deep down I really did. I could not, would not, allow myself to accept that though. The barriers I'd set up in my mind forbade any thoughts anywhere close to that. I refused to let them be torn down, so I continued blankly staring at everyone. I couldn't believe it, but Tommy was the one to stand up when Sadie fell into my father's arms, tears on his own face._

_He opened his mouth to speak, but I could barely hear him. His voice was hoarse with a deep sorrow, one I'd never thought I'd hear come from him. I had to strain to hear him, but I heard it. And it slowly ripped my heart apart, piece by piece by piece. "Our…baby…is…gone."_

_I looked into his sorrow-filled eyes, now a dangerously dark blue, and felt myself shake my head. Having those barriers, I refused to believe any of it. It was all a lie, some sick joke everyone had concocted. A sick, sick joke._

_"What's wrong with you? All of you? How can you be so cruel, so heartless to…" My voice faded however, when I felt my chest compress, the barriers in my mind crashing down, and those cruel words finally seeped into my mind, revealing the truth. Shaking my head, (or was it my entire body itself?) I felt Tommy's arms wrap around me. Keeping me still and trying without much success to console me. He must have held me for a few hours, the two of us crying into each other's necks. We'd lost our baby. And I was not even close to being ready to accept it._

* * *

I woke up, more tired and exhausted than when I fell asleep. After crying and telling myself repeatedly that it was only a bad dream, I finally got up. I walked into the bathroom, lifted up my shirt, and looked at my reflection in the mirror. Placing my hand, I gently caressed my unborn child. My stomach was getting quite the little bump to it, seeing as I'm now twelve and a half weeks pregnant; over a quarter of the way there. I feel like it's all moving too quickly, yet too slowly. It's weird.

I let my shirt fall and cover my bump once more, before heading downstairs. Sadie's been beyond health-freak ever since I told her I was pregnant. So lately, she's been preparing special meals for me. I reach the bottom of the staircase and I hear urgent whispering. I definitely hear my sister's hushed voice, and Kwest's. But they don't seem to be the only ones. Hiding behind the stair's handrail, I lower myself to the floor, and yes, eavesdrop.

They're whispering about me, but to who? And what about?

"I'm worried about her…you need to help her." Sadie's whispers sound almost pleading.

"Sadie, just relax. She's done fine this far..." Kwest is cut off by…oh no. God! I swear I'll kill him. I know that voice anywhere; at any level, loud or soft.

"Look, something did seem different with Jude back at the hospital, but she's insistent on keeping me out of it."

Sadie starts up again, "Tommy, no matter what, you belong in this. But it's not my place to…"

"Sadie, please? If I need to know so bad, then just tell me. I don't have to react in a way that Jude'll know…" He shot at her, pleading with her. At least he's worried. That must show that he still cares somewhat. Right?

I can't take this. The shirt I'm wearing does allow one to see the small bulge. I straighten it out, making it somewhat more obvious. Sadie's right. He does deserve to at least know. It's his baby, too. I stand up and muster as much courage as I can, before finishing the last few steps and walking into the living room. The small group in front of me avert their eyes to me. Sadie and Kwest offer a 'good morning', which I return not so cheerfully. I want her to know that she was wrong in inviting Quincy over, without any warning.

I turn to look at the man I've loved for three years. His face is drained of color and his eyes are glued to the bump. Sadie and Kwest look from him to my bump, before focusing on my eyes, theirs filled with questions. They're thinking 'why are you doing this?' but I have to. It's the only way for me at this time. I can't say the words to him, I just can't.

"Hi Tommy." I finally speak, my voice sounding stronger than I expected it to, which I was thankful for. I swear I saw a tear or two before he forced a smile and said his own good mornings to me. Sadie and Kwest quietly excused themselves from the room, knowing we needed to talk. I sat down on the couch opposite from him, taking deep breaths and readying myself for the most painful talk I'll ever experience in my life.

He finally looked back up at me, looking into my eyes, tears in his own, and opened his mouth to speak. I felt one single tear slide down my own cheek. I'd hurt him, in more ways than one now. Why? I loved him, still do, and yet I hurt him. Maybe he really did – does? – love me too. He hurt me so much. Maybe that's what love really is.

"Why did you…." He was choking on his own tears. "How could you not tell me?" He finally spoke the words. I shook my head, and let more tears fall. My body ached for him to hold me, to rock me in his arms, to hold me close and whisper that he loved me, he was here for me, and he wouldn't leave me alone, something. I needed him. I really did. I couldn't even look at him. I let the sobs shake my entire body, breaking down. At one point I could no longer feel his eyes on me. And my longings became reality. He took me in his arms, held me so close as I curled up against his chest. He rocked us gently, whispering sweet nothings.

"I'm so sorry." I uttered in between the sobs. He only held me closer – if possible.

"Me too, Jude. Me too." I let myself cry until there were no tears left.

"Don't leave me. Stay…please. I…." I wasn't sure if I should say it and the fear of rejection gnawed at me immensely. But I took a deep breath and dove into those treacherous waters. "I love you." I sobbed.

I felt him stop and pull away from me. I knew it was coming. I knew he wouldn't still love me; not after all the pain I'd caused him. I felt my chest tighten and my throat constrict. More tears burned at the back of my eyes. He pulled my chin up, forcing me to look him in the eyes. In his, I saw something I didn't expect. He was searching my own eyes for…sincerity. He didn't believe me?

He probed my eyes with his own for a moment longer and just before I pulled out of his grasp, his lips descended onto mine. And I didn't stop him. I deepened the kiss, pouring in as much passion as I could. When he finally pulled away for air, he rested his forehead against mine and, with a breaking voice from tears, whispered, "I thought I'd never hear you say that again. I love you, too."

And suddenly, everything seemed to be right in the world. He did still love me. I had him with me. And he knew about the baby; my baby; our baby. My heart flittered with the bliss I was feeling. I'd waited all my life to feel this happy; this high-on-life. And it only comes a few precious moments. I can't even begin to express the love I feel for Tommy and for our child.

Everything was going to be just fine…I could feel it.

* * *

_A/N: Thanks again everyone. Sorry for the freaking long-ass delay. I still am working on it. Since it's summer and I'm away from home, visiting, I'll have lots of more time to write - err, type. So, reviews people. LoL! Thanks again so much for the patience and I'm sooooo sorry for the delay. _

_You guys rock!_

_Much love, _

_XoXo,_

_LeeCee_


	8. Teasers for Ch 5

Okay, I know I'm terrible. Hope you guys will still hang with me.

These are some spoilers; I've having trouble making all my ideas flow together, so this is taking longer than usual. Not to mention starting school, moving, and now Christmas, and finals. I'm really sorry... I am trying. I'll have a full week next week before my nieces come up, so I plan on actually working on all three of my stories. I'm discontinuing Just A Dream (but will leave it up for now. I will not be updating it for a long time - probably; so sorry. I just can't focus on it. It's too far behind the times. I'm sorry. It's going to be difficult enough as it is to work on this fic. But I love this one - it's my most popular one - and I want to continue All That Glistens and start a new one (even though I shouldn't; can't help it). So... Break is all I need.

These aren't good spoilers and probably not too much exciting, but I really wanted to update something and let you guys know I am still alive and plan on continuing this.

Thanks for stickin' with me y'all. :D:D

_(Previously)_

_He opened his mouth to speak, but I could barely hear him. His voice was hoarse with a deep sorrow, one I'd never thought I'd hear come from him. I had to strain to hear him, but I heard it. And it slowly ripped my heart apart, piece-by-piece by piece. "Our…baby…is…gone."_

_I woke up, more tired and exhausted than when I fell asleep. After crying and telling myself repeatedly that it was only a bad dream, I finally got up._

_"Why did you…." He was choking on his own tears. "How could you not tell me?" He finally spoke the words. I shook my head, and let more tears fall. My body ached for him to hold me, to rock me in his arms, to hold me close and whisper that he loved me, he was here for me, and he wouldn't leave me alone, something. I needed him. I really did. I couldn't even look at him. I let the sobs shake my entire body, breaking down. At one point I could no longer feel his eyes on me. And my longings became reality. He took me in his arms, held me so close as I curled up against his chest. He rocked us gently, whispering sweet nothings._

_"I'm so sorry." I uttered in between the sobs. He only held me closer – if possible._

_"Me too, Jude. Me too." I let myself cry until there were no tears left._

_When he finally pulled away for air, he rested his forehead against mine and, with a breaking voice from tears, whispered, "I thought I'd never hear you say that again. I love you, too."_

_Everything was going to be just fine…I could feel it._

* * *

_I rubbed my stomach as I reminisced, standing in the doorway to what had been my bedroom for over nineteen years. _

_But either way, it was a huge comfort to have two strong arms wrap around me and hold me close. _

_I grabbed the last bag – one of light items: toiletries. I was not allowed to even move my own life, so as not to put too much strain on the baby. _

_This was really happening. Life was moving on. I was taking big steps forward into my future. _

_I looked at my fiancé._

_I couldn't fathom it'd happen so… fast._

_I'm not entirely sure if it's mother's intuition, or the repetitive dreams that are telling me this. _

_It's been brutal, waking up more exhausted than I was when I fell asleep. _

_...I can't seem to shake this fear that's residing in my stomach; a totally separate feeling from being pregnant._

* * *

Anyways...Thanks guys...and I promise to update soon. No later than a week. Hopefully. Luv ya'll. :D:D

--Nicole--


	9. Chapter Five: Worry Makes Me

_A/N: Well, I know I suck huge…I moved, and started school, among other things. I'm so thankful for reviews, they always keep me going. I still cannot believe the popularity in this story; it almost makes me cry. It's in "The Best IS Has To Offer" community, has 36 reviews/alerts, 13 favorites, and thousands of hits on . DLS is very supportive as well… You guys are amazing…thanks soooooo much. Here's chapter five…_

**Worry Makes Me Stay Awake At Night**

(Previously)

_He opened his mouth to speak, but I could barely hear him. His voice was hoarse with a deep sorrow; one I'd never thought I'd hear come from him. I had to strain to hear him, but I heard it. And it slowly ripped my heart apart, piece-by-piece by piece. "Our…baby…is…gone."_

_I woke up, more tired and exhausted than when I fell asleep. After crying and telling myself repeatedly that it was only a bad dream, I finally got up._

"_Why did you…." He was choking on his own tears. "How could you not tell me?" He finally spoke the words. I shook my head, and let more tears fall. My body ached for him to hold me, to rock me in his arms, to hold me close and whisper that he loved me, he was here for me, and he wouldn't leave me alone, something. I needed him. I really did. I couldn't even look at him. I let the sobs shake my entire body, breaking down. At one point I could no longer feel his eyes on me. And my longings became reality. He took me in his arms, held me so close as I curled up against his chest. He rocked us gently, whispering sweet nothings._

"_I'm so sorry." I uttered in between the sobs. He only held me closer – if possible._

"_Me too, Jude. Me too." I let myself cry until there were no tears left._

_When he finally pulled away for air, he rested his forehead against mine and, with a breaking voice from tears, whispered, "I thought I'd never hear you say that again. I love you, too."_

_Everything was going to be just fine…I could feel it._

* * *

_(Nineteen weeks)_

I stared out at the bare, pale-blue walls around me. The room wasn't totally bare: there was a desk, two empty bookshelves, a bed laid out with bedding that didn't belong to me, and the oak dresser that held nothing in it.

I rubbed my stomach as I reminisced, standing in the doorway to what had been my bedroom for over nineteen years. It brought a few tears to my eyes, and I wasn't sure if it was parting with my childhood, or my hormones. But either way, it was a huge comfort to have two strong arms wrap around me and hold me close.

It still felt off for me; I was supposed to be the strong one now, the mom. Yet, I couldn't help but feel immense relief when I was being curled up – almost like the child.

He released me after a few minutes, and I smiled. I wasn't sad, not in the way one typically thinks. I was starting my new life. It was both a scary and amazing experience. I grabbed the last bag – one of light items: toiletries. I was not allowed to even move my own life, so as not to put too much strain on the baby.

I carefully made my way down the stairs, and was welcomed – or rather greeted-to-say-goodbye – by my sister and Kwest. We made some small talk, before the horn blared outside. I hugged them, and after reminding my sister – who was in tears – that I was only ten minutes away, I walked out of the door, secretly saying goodbye to my youth. I lay awake last night, and thought about how everything unfolded. This was really happening. Life was moving on. And I…? I was taking big steps forward into my future.

After settling in the new apartment, I looked at my (newly-decided) fiancé. Things took such a dramatic turn. From losing him, to finding out I was pregnant, to getting him back, and now this: marriage? I mean, I figured it would happen sooner or later, now that we decided to raise the baby together, but still. I couldn't fathom it'd happen so… fast.

I think I can get used to this, though. It definitely has its rewards.

I have my next ultrasound in a week, and we're going to find out – though my mother's intuition tells me it's a girl – what the sex of the baby is. I'm not entirely sure if it's mother's intuition, or the repetitive dreams that are telling me this.

I've had several dreams similar to the one I had the night before I told Tommy about the baby. It's been brutal, waking up more exhausted than I was when I fell asleep. It's also not healthy; my doctor says I need to relax as much as possible for the baby's and my own health. I can't seem to shake this fear that's residing in my stomach; a totally separate feeling from being pregnant.

My doctor has told me that I'm "out of the woods" of miscarrying at this point, but there are so many other things that could happen.

I feel very excited everytime the baby (we really need to think up some names) kicks. I remember the first time I felt her (?) move.

* * *

(Flashback)

_I woke up and glanced around my surroundings, trying to clear my mind. I had fallen asleep downstairs, and I clearly remember Tommy had been there when I was last conscious. However, now I was alone now. I looked around the walls, admiring the soft honey and pinkish glow that was cast onto them from the setting sun outside. I felt such peace around me; it was quiet, and beautiful. I honestly had the strangest feeling, and I wanted to share it with someone. I reached down and placed my hand gently onto my stomach. That's when it happened. The slightest bit of pressure, the smallest kick, and I melted. I smiled and told myself over and over again not to cry. It was silly to get so emotional from something so small, but I still can't quite describe how I felt. I'm not even sure how I felt at that exact moment. All I knew was that my baby was responding to me, and sharing a beautiful moment with me._

* * *

The movements since then have been exciting and are definitely welcomed, but nothing compares to the first kick. I just wish Tommy had been there, that's the only thing that could have made it more perfect. I lean back, snuggling into the cushions, close my eyes, rest my hands on my stomach, and inhale the sweet scents of whatever it is he's decided to make for dinner tonight. I think about all the things that have happened, all the emotions I've felt, in only nineteen weeks. I still can't wrap my mind around it. It feels too right, like something bad is going to happen. Is it possible to be this happy? How long will this perfection last?

My thoughts are interrupted by warmth on my cheek. I open my eyes and tilt my head slightly to look at him. Oh yeah. I could definitely die happy right now. I LOVE the look he's giving me right now. He smiles back at me, and whispers that dinner is ready. He helps me up – can you believe that I'm already having trouble moving on my own? I keep dreading the fact that it'll only get harder – and wraps my hand in his.

Three a.m. This cannot be happening. I slip out from under his arm, and pad silently down the hall. All I can do is pace and try to not think about the repetitive nightmare that awoke me at this ungodly hour. I'm honestly terrified now, and yet I feel like I can't tell him. I hold onto my stomach, as if holding the baby will protect it. Why is this happening? Do all pregnant women have these? Are my dreams trying to tell me something? I can't let this happen. I have grown to love my baby, and I refuse to lose my perfection.

I sit on the big, cushy chair and take deep breaths. I need to calm myself down before I go back in the room. He'll only worry, and I'm probably over-dramatizing everything. Part of me wants to say, "it's just a dream," but the other part really believes it. Could I be doing something wrong?

I ponder my unanswered questions a little longer, wipe my tears, and head to the kitchen. I grab a pickle, eating it before I head back to sleep. Strange food cravings this baby has.

I need to head back to sleep, or my doctor won't be too happy tomorrow. She's been telling me that I need to get plenty of sleep, exercise, healthy foods, blah, blah, blah. I know all of that. Sometimes it's not that easy. Like tonight, for instance, with the nightmares that wake me up.

I finish my pickle, and make my way back to bed. I snuggle under the covers, and instinctively, his arm makes its way to wrap around me again. And the bad feelings go away. The fear, the pain, the unsure thoughts… all goes away. I smile, snuggle closer, and close my eyes once more.

* * *

_A.N. 2: Hey, guys! Thanks so much for just being beyond patient. I really don't deserve it. Also, I'm sorry this isn't very long, and maybe even boring, but I promise it's just a filler. More will be coming; hopefully way sooner than this one was next to last post. Thanks again…_

_XoXo,_

_Nicole/LeeCee_


	10. Chapter Six: Mommy Shopping

_A/N: Hey guys! Well, I'm on my Spring Break now. Yay! The first few days were spent in Vegas with my sister and her kids. But they're off to their dad's and during the days while she works, I've got the place to myself. So I figured I could work on my stories; both of them. So now my only excuse would be writer's block. I'm trying though. I've got my iPod, so something should give me inspiration. Okay, so I only had like two or three people review on DLS, and I can't remember how many on FF. Guys, I'm really sorry this took so long, but seriously? Abandonment? LoL! Anyways, I am sorry. There should be updates – for both stories – like I said because I'm off. I don't have a lot of homework, so more time to write. Okay, so this is kind of just a filler chapter. I think you guys will be glad with some of the things that happen, and there is a fluffy phone call. I should have Chapter Seven up soonish. Anyways, here's Chappie Six._

* * *

**Mommy-Shopping**

I pull into the closest parking place I can, beating out someone else for it. I'm supposed to be meeting a friend here to go shopping – yes – baby shopping. I'm somewhat excited, but kind of nervous, as well. I'm not quite sure how it all works. This friend is also pregnant; I met her on the way to my new classes. Her name is Carrie. She is twenty-eight weeks along, has long blonde hair, and is so kind it even gets to me. She's extremely excited about becoming a mother, and she's also a single mom. I give her a lot of credit for that. She's twenty-one, but I still wouldn't be able to do any of this without Tommy, or my friends and family.

As I'm walking through the parking garage to the elevators on the other side, I pull out my cell phone. Although he didn't take it well at first, my dad's been surprisingly supportive. I quickly press the numbers to his work phone and put the phone to my ear. After a couple rings, I get his secretary, who tells me she'll have him call me when he can. I thank her, and pause. I really have an urge to talk to someone. Sadie and Kwest are spending the day with Mallory – their wedding planner, going over details. SME, along with Karma, are at some amusement park all day. They invited me, but the combo of shopping with Carrie, and being pregnant was not really going to help me tag along. Darius has my fiancé working all day with their new Instant Star, Milo, whom I'm not too fond of. Jamie.

I take a breath and mentally debate. Should I call him? It's been a long time. He hasn't said a word to me since I told him I was pregnant. Not to mention, I'm sure he knows I'm living with and engaged to Tommy. News sort of gets around; like for example, I know he's working with Paegan's long-lost daughter. Last I heard they were more than friends. But what do I know. I stop hesitating and call the number I've known my whole life. It rings a couple times before I cheery voice answers. Speaking of Zeppelin.

"NBR." She answers.

I try to sound as peppy back. "Hi, Zep. Is Jamie in?" She really is a nice girl. I sort of met her a few times, but I can't really say we are true friends.

"Umm… he is. Just a sec, Jude." I bite my bottom lip as I reach the elevators. I push the button, while – I assume – she hands the phone to Jamie. I hear the phone switch people, and I take a breath to begin.

I'm stopped, however, by Jamie himself. "Jude, I'm really sorry."

I stop stunned, and because I have to wait for the elevator. "Why?" I manage, weakly.

I hear him sigh on the other end and start into one of his speeches. "Jude, I completely freaked out on you when you needed me. We're supposed to be best friends. I'm supposed to help you through tough situations, not make them harder. And I wanted to call and apologize all this time; I just… couldn't make myself do it. I know about you and Tommy, and I… I don't know."

"Jamie, stop," I interrupt him; "It's not your fault. I mean, I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I also knew I had to be honest with you, Jam. And I wasn't very -"

He stops me. "Jude, are we cool again? I really wanna be there for you, and the baby. I want to help and… how far along are you now?"

I laugh, mostly from relief. After all of this, it could all be resolved in such a simple telephone call. I can't believe we let this go on for weeks. "I'm twenty one weeks."

"Hey, what are you doing right now?" He queries.

I respond, "I'm going baby shopping with my fellow pregnant friend. I met her at my new class; her name's Carrie. Why?"

He pauses a minute, and whispers something to Zeppelin. I wait, before he continues. "Sorry, umm… I was going to see if you wanted to come by, but I guess you've got plans. Maybe we can meet up later?"

I listen to him, as I step into the elevator and push the button for the main floor. "Yeah, that would be nice." I realize he sounded sincere, so I was all for it. We say our goodbyes and promise to catch up soon. His label seems to be doing pretty well. I reach the main floor and walk to a little café. I really miss coffee. I order something light and a water, though and decide to wait until Carrie calls me, wondering where I am.

Like clockwork, my phone goes off. I flip it open without even checking it and fake an annoyed tone. "I've been sitting here for three hours, thank you very much." I am terrible at pranking, so I'm sure she knows I'm kidding around.

However, the voice that answers me surprises me. "I'm sorry, should I have met you somewhere?" Oh, sorry. He's supposed to be in a meeting this morning, and in the studio the rest of the day. What the hell?

"Babe, what are you doing?" I really thought his day would be too full. He even left before I was awake. Well, sort of. He woke me up to kiss me goodbye, and I fully expressed how pissed off I was. He just chuckled and kissed me again. How can I be angry with him if he's always making me melt?

Like now, for example, he chuckles and tells me, "What do you mean? I'm driving to go pick up some lunch. I called to see if my fiancée cared to join me."

I smile. God I love him. He's so considerate. "I would love to, but I'm out today with Carrie. She wants to go mommy-shopping." I tease him a little. I know he would want to tag along, strangely enough. He's totally into being a daddy.

"Are daddy's allowed?" His tone is teasing back. He knows he can't. I smile, wider if possible.

"Nope."

"Alright, well then I'll get something quick. You sure you don't want lunch?" His tone changes more serious.

"I'm fine, babe. Really, I got something small at this café, and I'm waiting for Carrie to call me." I assure him.

"Okay. Well, I should concentrate on driving." I smirk. Whatever; he drives fine. "I love you."

I love our farewells. They're just so… ugh! I'm so sappy when I'm preggo. "I love you, too. See you tonight."

"Yeah, I shouldn't be late tonight." Woo! Relief floods through me. Call me crazy, but I HATE being alone at night. Especially with these dreams; I've just had trouble falling asleep at night alone. I feel so much more at peace when he holds me.

"Okay. I'll -" My phone clicks and I look at it. "I'll talk to you later. Carrie's on the other line. Love you."

He chuckles again. "Love you, too. Enjoy yourself, ladies."

I switch to the other line. "Where are you, Jude?"

I laugh again. She sounds so frantic. "I'm at the café. I wanted to pick up a bite to eat. Where should I meet you at?"

She sighs. "I'm at the Boutique already."

"Alright! Alright! I'm coming. Sheesh, Carr!"

She teases. "Don't you Carr me!"

I stand up and grab my bag before heading over to the Baby Boutique. I smile, honestly, truly smile. Everything seems so… picture-perfect right now. It really does. I just can't imagine something going wrong. I have debated asking Carrie if she's had any odd dreams, but I still don't know if I can. What if she doesn't? What if it's not normal and she starts freaking out? My doctors have said – up until now – that everything is going normal. My baby is as healthy as can be. But then why do I keep worrying? I know it's typical to worry, but to have these nightmares?

I'm still really scared, and despite Tommy being there, I still can't shake this inner worry. Something, ANYTHING could go wrong. Would I be able to handle it? I honestly can't imagine not having my precious baby. After all this time, I've completely fallen in love with it. God damnit! I keep telling him we need to discuss names. I chuckle to myself. My mind is ALWAYS restless nowadays.

I reach the doors to the Boutique and see Carrie's blonde mob of hair bubbling through the crowd of parents and little ones. Plenty of pregnant bellies are around, so I'll blend in. I put I smile on my face, take a deep breath, and open the doors, ready for the long day ahead of me.


End file.

Instant Star, Drama, Romance