Harry Potter 1. Hypothetically Speaking

Deflating 

Summary: "She started going out with him in seventh year. Once James had deflated his head a bit." The process of 'deflating' one's head isn't an easy one…but James is desperate (really). But can he really modify everything he is…for a girl?

A/N: Yeah, even though the Pensieve chapter completely shattered every glorified notion of the Marauders I ever had, I enjoyed it immensely (I've only read it nine times), and decided that there's still a way for James to redeem himself…unfortunately, I have to write it or I'll go insane…so it might not turn out the way I (or you) pictured it….

***

Chapter One: Hypothetically Speaking…

***

James Potter sat in his room at home, wondering just how the next year was going to go. He was entering his seventh and final year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and was approaching this year with mixed feelings. 

On one hand, he was extremely excited to finally be considered a full-fledged wizard, as he would be when he left. The last year, his older friends had always insisted, is always the best, apart from the N.E.W.T.s, which were a set of rather draining examinations. James and his friends fancied themselves pranksters, and they were already planning a prank extravaganza for their adieu. 

On the other hand, there was one thing--one person, rather--who stopped James's fantasies of glory in his seventh year: a girl by the name of Lily Evans. 

James had been chasing after Lily for years, ever since their fourth year, when he decided that Lily was the prettiest girl he had ever set eyes on. Coincidentally, that same year Lily decided that James was a massive git. 

It was a rather compromising situation. 

When James had asked her out again on the last day of sixth year, she had certainly given him something to think about:

__

"Potter, do you realize that this is the sixty-seventh time you've asked me out?" Lily snapped, turning around to face him on the beaten path to the scarlet steam engine waiting to take them home with an eyebrow raised and an annoyed expression set on her face. 

"Why, Evans," he said in turn, smiling. "I had no idea you'd been keeping count." 

"Actually, it's more times even than that," she responded, starting to walk again. "I only started keeping count about three months after the first time. It must be really sad to be turned down sixty-six times, Potter." 

He was not dissuaded by this speech. "Well, what's the answer this time?"

She scoffed. "Potter, if you ever expect me to say yes to anything you ask me, I suggest you stop being such a prick." 

"I could do that," James said, while privately wondering what exactly she meant.

"You wouldn't know where to start," Lily hissed in a low voice, wearing a knowledgeable smirk on her face that James found wildly attractive. 

"All right, Evans," James said. "If I stop being such a prick, you have to go out with me." 

Lily gave a sharp, derisive laugh. "If you stop being a prick, I will bring you breakfast in bed for the rest of your life." 

"I'll take you up on that offer," he warned her. 

And he would, too. If he ever figured out what Lily meant by "stop being a prick". 

Sirius Black wandered into James's room, holding two envelopes in his hand. "Hogwarts letters," he explained, tossing James his. 

Sirius, who was James's best friend, was living with James and his family now. He had been since early July of the previous year, when he'd appeared on James's doorstep, carrying his broomstick and what looked like everything he owned. 

Sirius and his family had always butted heads on everything, but especially where their beliefs about status were concerned. The elder Blacks hated anyone who wasn't pureblooded, and had convinced Sirius's younger brother to believe the same things. Sirius, on the other hand, was friends with everyone, and had rallied against his family ever since he was old enough to understand what he was taught was not necessarily right. 

"Padfoot," James said slowly, referring to his best friend by the nickname they'd thought up in fifth year, "do you think I'm a prick?" 

Sirius glanced up from his letter. "'Course not, mate," he muttered gruffly, returning back to his letter. "You're my best friend, why would I think that?" 

"Well, Evans says that--" 

Sirius laughed derisively. "Ah, Evans," he said, laughing still. He threw his letter on his desk and perched himself on the edge of his bed. "Should've known she was behind this. You're not still harping on what she said, are you?" 

James didn't bother to refute this statement. "Hypothetically," he said, "how would one go about…being a person Evans would willingly date and bring breakfast in bed to every single solitary morning, weekends and major holidays included?" 

Sirius smirked. "Hypothetically, how far is one willing to go?" 

"Hypothetically, one is willing to go as far as far extends." 

"Hypothetically, what if we stopped saying hypothetically?" 

James grinned. "Hypothetically, that'd be a good idea." 

"Good." Sirius sighed, and asked wearily, "You really want the truth, James?" 

"Well," James said, a quivering note of anxiety detectable in his voice, "I did before you took that tone." 

Sirius smirked. "Well, we are talking about the revamping of your outer personality." 

"What?!" 

"Well, Evans doesn't seem to like your current personality much, does she?" Sirius said hurriedly.

James scowled. "There's nothing wrong with my personality," he said defensively.

"_I_ know that," Sirius assured him, "but Evans doesn't. You need to show her that you can be a nice person." 

"I _am _a nice person!" James protested, his voice elevating. 

"Again," Sirius said, "I realize this. However, you tend to…hold it back from Evans. Your more pleasant side, that is." 

"I'm always nice to her," James said lamely, knowing deep down (not even that deep down, actually) that this was not true. 

"Only when you ask her out." 

James's eyebrows flickered in admittance, and he sighed. "All right," he said. "What do I have to do?" 

***

Two months later, standing just outside the brick divider that served as the entrance to platform 9 ¾, James waited for Lily to arrive. It was 10:47, he noted, glancing up at the large clock hanging near the divider. She'd be here any moment. 

And suddenly, almost too quickly for James's liking, she appeared, clutching her mother's arm. Her mother appeared a little frightened, but relieved once she saw that she had made it safely through the barrier. 

Lily looked almost exactly the same. Her hair was a little longer than it had been, James noticed, and she had pinned half of it up and left the other half hanging loosely around her shoulders. She saw him standing there and eyed him with an expression of extreme distaste, but before she could say anything, James said cheerfully, "All right, Lily?"

Her expression changed from dislike to overt surprise. Her eyebrows lifted and her eyes widened. She was shocked that he had called her by her first name. He'd never done that before. 

"Oh, Lily, is this a friend of yours?" Mrs. Evans asked delightedly. 

"No," Lily snapped just as James replied, "Yes." 

"_No," _Lily repeated fiercely, meeting James's eyes. James ignored her and shook her mother's hand, smiling merrily. 

"I'm James Potter," he introduced himself. "I'm in Lily's house at school. I can certainly see where she gets her looks from, you two could be sisters!" 

Sirius had taught him this line, he said that it made mothers go "fluffy", as he had described it. "You'll know what I mean when you see it," he'd said crossly when James inquired, through what could only be described as giggles, what exactly someone going "fluffy" looked like so that he'd know it when he saw it. 

James knew now: Lily's mother looked as though she'd never been more flattered in her life. She emitted a small, chirping laugh and Lily rolled her eyes, looking very annoyed. 

She attempted to salvage the situation by pulling her mother into a hug. "I'll see you at Christmas, Mum," she said, through gritted teeth. "I really have to go." 

"All right," Mrs. Evans responded, looking a little reluctant to let her daughter embark on the journey to school. She then turned to James and said, "It was lovely meeting you, dear. Watch out for her, will you?" 

James wanted to laugh, but didn't, wishing vaguely that Sirius could be here to see this. Lily was in an uproar. 

_"MUM!" _she practically shrieked. "You only just _met _him, you don't know what he's really like--" 

But James picked up her trunk for her and began to drag it towards the train. Lily was soon following him, stomping her feet as she did so. 

"What is _wrong_ with you?" she demanded shrilly. "My mother will _never_ be the same! Did you put a spell on her? I'll have you arrested, Potter, I swear I will--" 

"Lily," James said calmly as he pushed her trunk into the compartment, trying to make it look as though it were nothing, when in reality he was wondering just what her trunk was made of, "don't you think it's time we abandoned this juvenile practice of addressing each other by our surnames?" 

Lily was apparently speechless. She just gaped at him. 

"Aren't you going to thank me for putting your trunk away?" 

She narrowed her eyes. "No," she replied, coming to her senses. "I didn't ask you to."

James merely smirked and began to walk toward the door of the train. Lily had no choice but to follow him, as she had to board the train as well, and there were only three more minutes before it departed. 

"Potter," she said slowly, "what is wrong with you?" 

"There's nothing wrong with me. I'm absolutely chipper." 

Lily mouthed the word 'chipper' soundlessly. She appeared to be thinking deeply as she followed him down the hall of the train, glancing into compartments to look for her friends. Suddenly, she gasped, then started to laugh. 

"Something funny, Lily?" James asked, turning around to face her as she leaned against the train wall for support. 

"I know what this is about!" she exclaimed through giggles. "And…oh, Potter, you're absolutely hilarious!" 

"Pray tell, Lily," James said pleasantly, heart hammering at the prospect of Lily discovering what he'd been practicing endlessly over the summer and telling him it was rubbish, "what is this about?" 

"This is about me telling you to stop being a prick. Oh, Potter," she gasped, attempting to stop laughing but failing quite brilliantly. She sucked in a breath and finally contained herself. "You have turned from a massive git into a charmer." He was about to thank her for her compliment when she continued, "The type of charmer who is only interested in getting a girl into bed. Thank you, Potter, but I am certainly not interested in going anywhere near your bed." 

Then, appearing to have found one of her friends, she went off to join them, leaving James standing alone in the hallway, feeling very frustrated.

***


	2. A Change of Tack

Deflating

Chapter Two: A Change of Tack

***

"It'd be awfully cute," commented Emily Castner, Lily's roommate, "if, you know, he were…someone else." 

"Anyone else," Lily corrected scathingly. "If he were _anyone_ else, it'd be cute. Now, it's just annoying. Really annoying." She scowled. 

"You're going to have to get used to it," smiled Charlotte, Emily's twin sister and roommate as well. "He doesn't appear to be in any hurry to back down." 

Lily grunted derisively and shoved a Chocolate Frog whole into her mouth and threw the wrapper on top of the growing pile next to Charlotte. 

"Maybe you should eat in front of him," Emily smirked as Lily chewed on her Frog, still looking murderous. "That might make him lay off." 

Charlotte snorted. "That is doubtful. He eats just like her, he'd probably count it as something else they have in common." 

"A fair point," Emily admitted, almost sympathetically. "Lily, dear, maybe you should refine your eating habits." 

Lily swallowed. "I will not change a single thing about myself for James Potter," she declared stubbornly. "To get rid of him or otherwise. He'd take it as a compliment either way." She settled herself back against her seat and tore a Pumpkin Pasty in half, shoving one of the sections into her mouth and emitting a very muffled sigh. "Pretentious git." She swallowed again and launched into one of her more famous I-Hate-Potter rants: "Thinking that just because I told him I'd say yes to him if he changed! So he did change…changed into _even more_ of a declamatory idiot…I knew he'd take it the wrong way, he always does…" 

Emily and Charlotte eventually managed to tune her out.

***

"So what do I do _now?" _ James asked, whining a little. He had just recapped the afternoon's events to his friends, and now he was hungry. He grabbed for whatever food he could reach and began to shovel it into his mouth as he anxiously awaited his friends' responses. 

Sirius sighed. "I don't know why that approach didn't work," he said, and he truly looked and sounded disconcerted. "It always works for me." He bit into a Cauldron Cake, brows furrowed. 

Remus Lupin smiled slightly, thinking that perhaps Lily was right in her assumption that James's tactic to land her as a girlfriend was merely a device to get her into bed, even if that wasn't James's intention. "Well," Remus said thoughtfully, "maybe you should go in a different direction." 

James glared at his friend. "Why didn't I think of that _before?" _he said in an extremely exaggerated sarcastic voice, clapping himself in the forehead dramatically. "Oh, all I have to do is go in a different _direction! _I see it now…everything has become so much _clearer…_"

"Shut up," Remus muttered as Sirius and Peter Pettigrew snickered appreciatively. "Do you want me to help you or would you rather sit around making snarky comments?"

"I can't have both?"

"Not if you actually want a girl like Lily to be your girlfriend."

"He doesn't want a girl _like_ Lily," Sirius interrupted. "He wants _Lily. _That's fifty times harder to get."

James sighed. "What direction do you suggest I go in?"

***

_Be nice to her, _James reminded himself, sucking in a breath determinedly as he strode purposefully up to Lily and her friends, who were walking towards the carriages that were waiting to traffic them up to the castle. _Yeah, sure. It's easy for Remus to be nice to Evans--Lily, must remember to call her Lily--because she's actually nice _back _to him_._ But whatever, I can be--_

"Potter, do you _want_ something?" Lily was demanding, her eyes imploring, eyebrows raised in pure annoyance. 

__

You. No--can't say that. That's pricky, that is. Oh, bugger; I'm not saying anything, am I? Perfect. I wonder how long I've been standing here? 

"I would very much like to accompany you up to the castle," James intoned, reciting exactly what Remus had told him to say to Lily once he reached her. 

"I'm sure you would," Lily replied icily. "But I'm afraid we're full." She hoisted herself up into the carriage and her friends followed, giggling a little.   
James stepped up into the carriage with them, thoroughly wishing he'd brought Remus with him to hiss instructions in his ear. Before Lily could protest, he'd plopped himself down next to her and shut the carriage door behind him. 

"What are you talking about, Lily?" he asked lightly, flashing her a smile. "There's plenty of room in here." 

Her friends, those twins, seemed to think this all highly entertaining. Lily did not seem to agree with them; rather, she scowled at him. 

_Keep smiling, _James told himself, _eventually, she'll have to smile back or she'll feel uncomfortable…_

She didn't smile, but glowered at him and snapped, "Leave me alone, Potter."

"Ah, but if I leave you alone, you'll never get to know the…the…" He struggled for words that didn't come and settled for running his hands through the back of his hair to make it stick up more. This made Lily narrow her eyes. Ooh, bad move on his part; he'd forgotten how much she hated that. 

"The what, Potter?" Lily inquired coldly. "The massive jerk that you really, really are?"

"No," he replied, matching her tone. "You've already been acquainted with that side of me, haven't you?" 

They stared at each other for about five seconds before Lily turned away, choosing to stare at the wall of the carriage instead of at him. "Take your hand out of your stupid hair," she muttered quietly. 

He'd forgotten it was there, but removed it anyway, smiling wearily at Lily's friends. 

They stared stonily back at him. The one on the left, Emily or whatever her name was, arched a careful eyebrow at him and shook her head slightly. 

***

A/N: Oh my God! Oh my God! I have 20 reviews for _one chapter_ of this story!! That has never happened to me before, and I am so excited I can hardly type correctly. Wow. Thank you so, so much. I am totally floored.…hope you like this one as much as you liked the first; and keep reviewing! It makes me impossibly giddy. ;)

Disclaimer: There is a necessity for one in this chapter, I'm afraid, as I didn't put one in last time and I borrowed a line this time. All characters you recognize belong to JKR, etc. etc. I borrowed James's sarcastic monologue to Remus from _Friends,_ though not in the same words. 


	3. Just Like Quidditch

Deflating

Chapter Three: Just Like Quidditch

__

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(Reviews, while also undoubtedly good for your own personal karma, make my fingers fly impossibly fast…thus, this chapter arrives. So keep them coming and I will too ;) 

***

"She still won't…?" Remus said, trailing off in surprise. "She's still acting…?" 

"Like a wench?" James snapped, mussing up his hair in the back again. "Yeah, you could say that." He sighed in a very exasperated fashion, and shoveled large amounts of roast beef into his mouth. The start-of-term feast had begun now, and the Marauders were consoling James on his second consecutive loss. 

Remus frowned. "I thought that you couldn't go wrong with being nice to her…"

"And that's why you're single," Sirius interrupted.

Remus ignored him. "But I suppose Lily's more complex than that…"

"Only thing more complex than her is a labyrinth," James muttered derisively. 

James was noticeably distraught over the fact that Lily was still acting rather cool towards him. He could not understand how she could get so angry because he was trying to mold himself to fit her expectations. It was terribly unreasonable on her part, as far as he was concerned. 

"I'll talk to her," Remus declared. "Ask her exactly what she wants from you." 

"I could answer that," James replied sullenly, pulling more platters of food to him and eating mashed potatoes and corn (together, no less) right out of the serving dishes. "She wants me to leave her alone." 

"So leave her alone," piped up Peter from the opposite side of the table. "James, are you planning on finishing those potatoes yourself, or can I have some?"

James, Sirius, and Remus all stared at their friend. James, whose spoon was halfway to his mouth, merely gawked at him, and some color was rising to his face. "Leave her _alone_?" James sputtered, as though Peter had just suggested he just stab Lily in the heart with his wand to rid himself of this problem entirely. "Leave her _alone?_ How will I get anywhere if I _leave her alone_?"

"You'll get nowhere," Peter responded plaintively. "Can I have the potatoes, James?"

James ignored this request. "Exactly! I'll get nowhere! And I'll be no more better off than I am now!" 

"Right," Peter said, as though this was the point--as it was. "You'll be no _better, _but you'll be no worse, will you? Maybe if you lay off, she'll…stop acting so hostile." He didn't meet his friends' stares, but started to whine, "Seriously, James, the pota--" 

"Bloody hell, Prongs, give him the damn potatoes before he wets himself!" Sirius exclaimed exasperatedly, pushing the bowl of the fluffy white food across the table to Peter, who blushed a little but eagerly spooned a serving onto his plate and began to eat. 

James looked a little injured, but whether it was from Peter's advice or from the abrupt removal of the potatoes from his custody remained to be seen. "Do you really think I should leave her alone?"

"I think you should," Remus said bracingly as the desserts popped onto the table. He eyed a plate of treacle tarts but sighed once he noticed James watching it as well. Remus knew better than to enter a fight he knew he couldn't win. Sure enough, James snatched up the entire plate of pastries and began eating them at an amazing rate. Remus wondered briefly if his friend even bothered to chew. 

"See, I disagree, Moony," Sirius said, tilting his head slightly as he chewed thoughtfully on a piece of chocolate cake. "I think James should go full speed ahead."

"Yes," Remus replied coolly, "we should go with your opinion because the success of your tactic can't possibly be rivaled." 

"Only by yours," Sirius reminded him lightly, licking the remaining chocolate frosting from his fork in a careful, calculated manner before cutting himself another piece. 

"James, you're being awfully quiet," Remus said loudly, not really wanting to trade retorts with Sirius while steadily forgetting what they were debating. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking Lily isn't quite worth all this trouble, then realizing I'm lying to myself and just making myself out to be more of a lazy git, because I should be up to the challenge, shouldn't I? That's all she is…a challenge…just like Quidditch." He seemed not to be talking to his friends so much as vocalizing his present musings to himself. 

_"Intervention!" _shouted Sirius so loudly that James jumped, having apparently forgotten his friends were there, but moreover, forgotten that Sirius was in such close proximity to him. Sirius banged his fist onto the table for emphasis and several people turned to look at him, most of them giggling, some rolling their eyes superiorly. Sirius ignored them all, but lowered his voice. "I can guarantee you, Prongs, if you keep thinking of her as nothing more than an opponent in a Quidditch game, you _will_ get nowhere. Maybe that's your problem: you don't really see her as a person. And maybe she knows that." 

***

Lily glanced down the table to where the Marauders were seated, undoubtedly putting their heads together for some other destructively juvenile prank. She sighed and turned to Charlotte and Emily, who were having a sisterly squabble over something trivial--from what Lily gathered, Charlotte was upset that Emily had been using her curling iron over the summer and had brought it with her intending to use it during the school year. 

"What do you think they're planning?" Lily asked them, drawing herself up impressively as she watched the group of boys superiorly. 

"Who cares?" Emily snapped, mind still on her sister. "Charlotte, you're being stupid. It's just a curling iron."

"Yes, but it's _my_ curling iron, Emily. It's the _principal _of the matter. What if it wasn't a curling iron? What if it was money?" 

"It's _not _money. Why would I want your money? I always have more than you do, anyway." 

"Maybe I should go over there," Lily said thoughtfully, still watching Potter and his pretty little friends with an eyebrow raised, careful to look foreboding and impressive should they glance over at her for one reason or another. 

"Lily, if you keep looking over there, James is going to notice you and think you're staring, and then he'll come over, and you'll have a war of the wisecracks with him, and then he'll leave, and you'll start ranting about how you hate when he starts things up with you, when really, you started it yourself," Emily intoned through gritted teeth. "And I'm really starting to tire of him, so try to keep the gawking to a bare minimal, okay?" 

"I'm not gawking. I'm supervising. I'm Head Girl, I'm supposed to utilize my authority," Lily reminded them imperiously, tapping her badge. 

"Yeah, well, it's annoying," chimed in Charlotte. "Just leave them alone. They haven't done anything yet." 

"If I let my guard down, they will." 

"Lily, I can almost promise you that you are the least of their worries. They've got better things to do than to hack off the Head Girl."

Sulking slightly, Lily turned back to her coconut cream pie and jabbed at it unenthusiastically with her spoon.

***

"I see her as a person," James insisted, surprised that Sirius would even think to make this remark. "I do, I see her as a person." 

"So treat her like one." 

James let out a hollow laugh. "I'm _trying, _but her acting like a bloody vampire doesn't exactly make me want to invite her over to tea." 

"I'm siding with Peter and Remus now," Sirius announced, apparently ignoring his best friend's comment. "I say James should leave Lily dear alone. All in favor say aye!" 

"Aye," said Peter, his voice muffled due to the piece of treacle tart he'd managed to steal away from James. He'd shoved it into his mouth very hurriedly, as James was not in the most happy of moods. 

James turned to Remus, who was picking half-heartedly at some cake. Remus sighed and dropped his fork with a clatter onto his plate. "Aye, James," he said softly. "You need a break. _She _needs a break. Just give it a rest and work on being a nicer person." 

James scowled. "I _am_ a nice person." 

"Lily's description of 'nice', then," Remus replied. "Study her. Watch her. _Learn_ about her. At what time does she usually like to go to bed? What hacks her off? What makes her happy? What does she eat for breakfast? Does she eat breakfast at all?"

"What color are her knickers?" Sirius offered. 

Remus made a face. "No. Stay away from observations like that." 

James smiled. "Okay. Okay, so I just have to basically stalk her?" 

"No, not _stalk_ her. Just…pay more attention to what kind of person she is." 

***

_This really is just like Quidditch, _James thought as he lay in bed that night, unable to sleep. _I mean, Remus is suggesting I watch Lily's habits like a hawk--that's like studying an opposing player's style. _

And I'm making sacrifices…maybe this is more like chess…

I'm horrible at chess, he reminded himself, smiling slightly. 

_That would be more fitting, wouldn't it? _

***


	4. Progressing

Deflating

  
Chapter Four: Progression 

***

Three months had passed, and James had proved moderately successful in his attempts to leave Lily alone. There were a few slip ups--which Sirius so eloquently referred to as "relapses"--in which James would make a snarky comment and Lily would snap back, leading them straight into their old habits, but aside from that, he was doing considerably well. 

He was also watching her carefully, as Remus suggested. Most mornings Lily could be found at the Gryffindor table at the ungodly hour of 6:45 (so said a frightened looking first year when James asked him how long Lily had been seated), eating scones in mass numbers. She was partial to the chocolate chip ones, but every once in a while, she sampled a cranberry. The girl ate like it was going out of style. James found this endlessly endearing.

At night, Lily would diligently do her homework until 9:30, at which time she would usually go upstairs and come back down with a book. She had a penchant for trashy romance novels, which she apparently found extremely amusing. Sometimes she would start laughing in the middle of her reading, though James had never seen a girl find any humor in a romance novel. Lily's friend Charlotte, one of those twins, had explained to James when asked about Lily's unusual reaction to the books, "She thinks they're highly unrealistic, but likes to make fun of them. I think she secretly wishes things like that could happen to her." When pressed further ("Things like what, exactly?"), Charlotte merely placed a secretive smile on her face and said, "Maybe you should read them yourself and find out."

James made a memo to himself to get his hands on one of Lily's romance novels without anyone knowing. Maybe he'd share Lily's sense of humor. 

Lily would read these novels for about an hour (usually finishing them) before bidding her friends (if there were any left in the Common Room) good night and going upstairs. James had taken to going up to bed at the same times as she did, hoping to get the same amount of sleep as Lily and wake up at the same time as she did to observe her morning habits. 

James recorded these little factoids about Lily in a blank book his mother had given him years ago in the hopes that he would keep a journal.

His mother would be so proud if she knew what he was using it for. 

James only wrote everything down because his memory was positively abysmal, and from his experience (not to mention that of Sirius), girls went nuts--or should he say 'fluffy'?-- when their significant others (or potential significant others, in his case) remembered impossibly little details about their conversations. He hoped to use the book to get Lily to believe that he was really paying attention to every little thing she said…the book forced him to do that, he reasoned, while _also _helping out his memory. Really, it was win-win.

James smirked, thinking of that, as he closed the door to his dormitory quietly behind him. His friends were still asleep (it was six in the morning; James had gone to bed especially early last night, as Lily had) and he didn't really want to wake them and have them in bad spirits toward him the entire day. At the top of the stairs, he looked down to spot Lily curled up in an armchair with another romance novel, turning the pages rapidly as she bit her lip in anticipation. She had pulled her hair back into a loose ponytail today, and it was slightly sideways as though she hadn't had a mirror in front of her when she'd assembled the style. Several pieces of coppery hair were coming out of the white elastic, and Lily tucked them haphazardly behind her ears as she read. There was a small, green-and-yellow striped bag on the ottoman in front of her, and a few assorted cosmetics had spilled out of it. James noted them: a tube of what looked like mascara, a miniature bottle of perfume, and a tube of lipstick with another hair band wrapped around it. 

"Must be a good book," James commented before he could stop himself, striding into the Common Room. He took slow, leisurely steps down the stairs, stopping on the last one and leaning against the railing, smiling in what he hoped was a warm manner at her.

Lily jumped at the sound of his voice and hurriedly shoved the book and makeup bag into her school bag. "What are you doing up this early?" she asked, having the grace to look slightly flustered. 

"It's morning," he told her. "I woke up and felt like breakfast." He shrugged casually. 

Lily eyed him with some suspicion, then nodded slowly, as if taking what he'd told her to be the truth. "Yeah, me too." 

"So what're you still doing in the Common Room if you wanted breakfast?" he asked her, grinning.

Lily lifted her chin. "What I do is none of your business, Potter." 

He almost laughed at how mistaken she was, but that would require some explanation, and he really wasn't feeling very quick-witted this morning..

James sighed and stepped off the staircase and walked to the sofa next to her. She watched him, still weary of him, with one eyebrow raised. "Seriously, Lily," he said, making a point of drawing her name out. "I'm making an effort. Can't you?"

She laughed, and it was the same hollow, sarcastic chuckle he was used to--unfortunately. "Potter, you're only making an effort because you think there's something in it for you." 

While this was undoubtedly true, he couldn't _say _that. "The only thing I'd be getting out of this is the resolve of our conflict. Really, Lily, in the future, let's say your children get kidnapped." She opened her mouth to protest; her eyes were already widened and sparking; he held out a finger and, in a sudden motion of extreme daring, pressed it to her lips to quiet her. She seemed incredibly shocked, and swatted his hand away (as he fully expected her to do), but didn't say anything. "This is a worst case scenario, okay? Anyway, the first question the detective will ask you is, 'Do you have any enemies?', right?" 

"Potter, where is this going?" 

"Just listen, I'm getting there. You don't want to have to say yes, because that'll make you look like a bad mother. I mean, what kind of mother has enemies?" He made a distinct tutting sound, to further the point that this was just taboo.

"Any mother that's ever been acquainted with you." 

"That's cute, Lily."

The corners of her mouth were twitching, as if she were fighting back a smile. James held his breath, thinking that he was breaking her at last, but then she said, "Potter, are you trying to tell me that you're plotting to kidnap my future children?" 

"Let's try to grasp the bigger picture, Ev--Lily," James said, thinking privately that this was probably one of the strangest conversations he'd ever had in his entire life. "You don't want enemies. No one does. I'm not asking you to marry me, I'm just asking you to maybe…I don't know…go on first name terms with me?" 

Lily stared at him as he swayed from side to side, looking at her imploringly. Her mouth was twitching again, and after at least thirty seconds, something incredible happened: 

She smiled. 

It was a real, genuine smile, teeth and everything! He almost fell over in shock; Lily had _never_ smiled at him like that. He didn't know it was programmed in her hard drive to be _able_ to smile like that! 

"We'll see," she said. Lily picked up her bag and walked out of the Common Room, shaking her head. 

James swore he heard her laughing.

Was that bad?

He didn't care.

***

****

_Thursday, 23 November_

****

Approximately 6:05 a.m.: _Subject was seen reading "My Secret Love" in Common Room. I proceeded to exchange very odd (lengthy, pointless, blithering, etc., etc., all usual adjectives apply) conversation with Subject concerning pros and cons of keeping each other on enemy terms. Proceeded to launch into long-winded, seemingly pointless speech, thus making an arse of myself. However, I did manage to keep a number of what would be considered pricky comments to self (did exceedingly well on that front; should receive medal of some sort for my efforts). Suggested Subject call me by me by my first name. Subject found this amusing and has elected to think on it. Am very pleased with myself. I have decided that making an arse of myself more often might be a good idea, then I might actually get somewhere._

***

"So, what's the latest story on the Stalking Lily Evans front?" Sirius asked sleepily as he poured large amounts of ketchup over his scrambled eggs. 

"I've almost got her calling me 'James'," James reported proudly. 

"Almost?" Peter inquired, yawning. "What, is she calling you 'Jam'?" 

"Is it too early to be making good comebacks?" James asked airily. 

"Sure," Peter replied. "We'll go with that." 

James relayed the story to his friends, who became steadily more alert as the story progressed. They contributed quirky running commentary to James's reenactment, and snickered where appropriate, and sometimes where it wasn't appropriate. 

"Well," Remus said in a very businesslike tone, "it'll take a while at this rate, but you're getting there, James. What have you learned about her?"

"I found out today that she knows how to smile," James announced. 

Sirius, Peter, and Remus all snorted. 

"'Course she knows how to _smile,_" Sirius said gruffly. "She just never smiles at _you."_

"Whatever," James said, undaunted. "I learned today that she knows how to smile at _me._" 

***

Meanwhile, Lily was nearing the end of her own recounting of the morning's encounter.

"So," she finished, smiling, "I told him, 'We'll see', and left."

"That's darling," Emily muttered darkly. "Just darling. So, are you going to start calling him 'James'?"

Lily considered this. "I guess…I mean, that's reversible, that is. If I change my mind, I can always go back to calling him by his surname."

Emily snorted. "Oh, Lily, you're making a huge deal out of nothing, aren't you? Like he said, he didn't ask you to marry him. He just asked you to call him by his first name." 

"But this is a step," Lily insisted. "It's a step for both of us, really. He's taking an inch instead of a mile, and I think he's really thinking seriously about what I told him in sixth year. He's trying, really."

"And you?" Charlotte prompted. 

Lily gave a small smile. "I'm letting him."

***

_Now's my chance, _James thought as he peeked inside the Charms classroom, where Lily was already seated, one of her twin friends sitting next to her. They were chattering merrily, and James doubted they saw him hovering by the door. _Just walk past and greet her--use her first name--and she if she replies…nicely…_

James sucked in a breath and strode purposefully into the room, heading towards where Sirius was sitting, which just so happened to be behind Lily. James approached where Lily was sitting and said, "All right, Lily?" 

As he sat down, without turning to face him, she responded cordially, "James." 

He couldn't help but beam. 

This was certainly progressing nicely.

***

**_23 November_**

Approximately 8:45: _Subject just called me by birth-given name. Am exceedingly pleased with myself; figure to move on to small talk next week. Moony says not to rush things, so I will move impossibly slow._

Though I suppose this is lightning speed for Subject.

That was pricky. 

Ah, well. I guess it's best I get it out here instead of throwing it in Subject's face.

***

A/N: My lovely, lovely reviewers…schnoogles to all of you…especially BastsCleopatra because her remark about "charging into battle" when she pressed the review button made me laugh…and everblue3 because of the massive encouragement she always gives me. Thanks very, very much to everyone who takes the time to read and review…it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside ;) 

Oh, and the title of Lily's trashy romance novel was taken from Meg Cabot's _The Princess Diaries, _the first one, I think. 


	5. Circling Square One

Deflating

Chapter Five: Circling Square One

***

The newest part of the plan (was there a plan?) was to be put into action on the following Thursday, when they had Charms. James decided that Charms would be the best place to start up a polite conversation with Lily, as Charms was her favorite subject; plus, as an extra security measure for James himself, there were plenty of people around just in case something pricky escaped his newly acquired tact and Lily decided to hex him into oblivion. 

James, watching stealthily from just outside the classroom door, spotted Lily sitting in the third row from the front, nearest seat to the wall. Sirius was sitting on the opposite side of the room. Damn, it wasn't going to be easy to make sitting somewhere near Lily look like a coincidence. He tried to signal to Sirius to sit somewhere closer to her, but either Sirius didn't understand James's fervent motioning to Lily's chair or was anticipating watching his best friend squirm. 

Now there was a dilemma. Did he leave the small talk for Monday or take a gamble and sit with Lily? There was a seat available behind her, and a seat right next to Sirius. 

_What to do, what to do…_

James entered the room finally and strode purposefully to where Lily was sitting and slid in the seat behind her. He heard her let out an audible sigh, which made him wonder whether or not he had made the right decision.

Now, he only had to figure out how to get her attention. 

Once the lesson began, James purposely dropped his quill. He leaned down and picked it up, slowly drawing himself up. He stopped himself when he was level with Lily's shoulder--he was really close to her; closer than he'd ever been before, he could actually smell her perfume-- and said quietly, "All right, Lily?" 

She tensed, looked down at him for a moment--right in his eyes, searching them. Lily seemingly shook herself, because she turned away and snapped softly, "Potter, leave me alone." 

She'd called him Potter. 

James wanted to scream as he righted himself and sat up in his seat. She was so _difficult._ She was probably _enjoying_ this; taking satanic pleasure in his failed efforts. James scowled and whipped out his Stalking Lily Evans notebook:

**__**

Thursday, 30 November

9:07 a.m.: _First attempt at small talk: failed spectacularly. _

Subject seems content to be difficult. Have returned to previous conclusion that Subject is an insufferable wench. I am wondering again why I am doing this. 

***

"Well, no _wonder_ she snapped at you!" Remus exclaimed at lunch later that day as James attempted to drown himself in soup. James looked up sullenly from his bowl and slurped from his spoon as he waited for Remus to continue with his views on the subject. "You tried to do too much, too soon!" 

James dropped his spoon in his bowl. "I just said, 'All right?' How was that _too much, too soon? _Should I have just waved?" He put on a very meek expression, fluttered his eyelashes, and waved shyly, his hand poised right next to his ear.

Remus sighed exasperatedly and swatted at James's hand as James laughed. "Prongs, you're just not getting it. It's the _way_ you were doing it. You were flirting with her." 

James snorted. "You didn't see her, Moony. She _wanted_ it." 

Sirius whacked his friend on the back of the head, watching his turkey sandwich in the other hand and chewing it calmly. "That was pricky," he explained, taking another large bite. 

"You know what!" James exclaimed, massaging the back of his head, making sure to make his hair stick up in the process. "For someone who is supposed to be my best friend, you certainly take great joy in inflicting bodily harm upon me when I say something pricky, Sirius!" 

"'Course I do," Sirius responded. "Moony's been pinching me every time you or I or Wormtail says something pricky. He's been working on me since last year. Who am I to deny you that pleasure?" He grinned through his sandwich and announced proudly, "I'm difficult." 

James rounded on Remus. "Are you trying to make the whole damn _school_ valiant gentlemen?"

"No," Remus replied. "Just you two. You two have reasons." He shrugged and reached for another roll. 

James turned to Sirius again, who was munching on his fourth consecutive sandwich. "And what is _your_ reason?" he demanded.

Sirius, through bites of sandwich, responded deliberately, "I am not at liberty to say."

"I'll find out," James warned.

"Oh, I'd be disappointed if you didn't," Sirius assured him.

James sighed and stirred his soup unenthusiastically. "So what do I do _now_?" 

"Nothing different," Remus told him. "Just keep doing what you're doing and try again later." 

"Thank you, Mr. Magic 8-Ball," James muttered. 

*** 

"I must admit," Lily said, chewing on a sandwich thoughtfully, "I am a little disappointed in him." 

Emily and Charlotte both stared. "Because…?" Charlotte prodded when Lily didn't answer for several moments. 

"I just thought that he was actually getting better. You know…actually trying to be on speaking terms with me, as opposed to just trying to get me into bed." She sighed. "Apparently, my James-Potter-Skepticism meter is faulty. I must work on that." Lily frowned as she reached for another sandwich. 

Emily, who had not held in in a short, sharp laugh at Lily's mention of her "James-Potter-Skepticism-Meter", commented dryly, "So you want him to continue flirting with you?" 

Lily sighed exasperatedly. "That's what I'm _telling_ you," she said impatiently. "I _don't_ want him to flirt with me. I want him to treat me like an equal, someone he could share a _conversation_ with, not just a night of shagging. And if he can't even do _that,_ I don't want to talk to him at all." 

"That's a little extreme," Charlotte muttered. 

"Hardly," Lily responded sharply. "I really think that, under that pretentious swagger, he's really a nice person…" She wrinkled her eyes. "Somewhere in there."

***

"Apologize," James repeated flatly. "You think I should _apologize." _

Remus lowered _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them _to look at his friend_. _"Yes, James, I do believe that would be the best direction to go in," he responded icily. 

"I don't think that'll do anything," James said firmly, ignoring the fact that Remus had called him 'James' instead of 'Prongs'. When any member of the Marauders used another member's birth-given name instead of their nickname, it usually meant that said member was ticking them off. 

"Just do it," Remus said snappishly, not bothering to lower the book this time. "I don't see how she can get any more angry at you, so I just suggest you do it. She'll think you very chivalresque." 

"Is that even a word?" James inquired curiously. 

Remus sighed very loudly and deliberately as he placed the book down. "Does it even matter, James? Just go and apologize to Lily. Trust me, you'll regret it tomorrow if you don't." 

James glanced at the clock next to his bed. It was 10:45. "Can't," he said cheerfully, glad to postpone this apology. "She's asleep by now." 

Remus couldn't help but smile. "Now aren't you glad you've been paying more attention to her?"

"Sure."

***

_Lily was dreaming._

She was asleep, but the pictures she was watching weren't something she'd made up in her stupor; weren't some vague vision shrouded in symbolism towards something that was due to happen in the future.

This had actually happened. This was a memory.

It was a memory of a day in fifth year…it was almost the end of O.W.L.s, and Lily, Emily, Charlotte, and a group of girls they were pleasantly acquainted with were sitting around the lake, dangling their bare feet in the water, hoping to cool off but not succeeding very well; the water was heated by the blazing sun overhead. 

_Lily was discussing the next day's set of exams with another girl--what was her name? Jenny? Josie? She really couldn't remember-- when she heard uproarious cheering and laughter. Lily looked up --reflexively-- and spotted Severus Snape, a boy in their year, bobbing like an exceptionally small parade balloon in the air. Lily's eyes traveled down to see who was inflicting this torture upon poor Severus, and saw James Potter's wand in the air…and he was laughing. _

_Fuming, Lily stood up and pushed her way over to where James and his friends were standing and chortling. "Leave him ALONE!" she shrieked by way of greeting. _

_James turned to her, still smiling. Once he recognized the voice and who it belonged to, his left hand flew to the back of his head to rumple his hair. Lily hated this action; hated how every girl she knew seemed to love it. "All right, Evans?" he said evenly. _

"Leave him alone, Potter," she repeated. "What's he ever done to you?" 

James seemed to consider this. "It's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean," he replied, beaming, undoubtedly very proud of that remark. People surrounding them laughed, and Lily felt anger surge up in her stomach. How could he be so mean to another person--a person, with feelings and emotions and…and she just didn't understand it at all. At all. 

"Leave him alone," she repeated again. 

"I will if you go out with me," James responded immediately. "Go on…go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again…" 

Lily didn't really believe in hate; she didn't think anyone could ever really hold so enough resentment against someone that they hated them, but at that instant, she disliked James Potter very, very much. "I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid," she hissed, enjoying the flickering of disappointment flitting across James Potter's face, dimming the hazel eyes behind the thin glasses, taking pleasure in his pain…was that hate? No, she convinced herself, no, that was contempt, but not hate. Lily Evans was sure that she did not hate anyone. 

And just then, Lily woke up. 

She glanced over at the clock positioned on Emily's bedside table, noting that it was five minutes after five. A little early to be getting up, but clearly Lily wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep. 

She sat up in bed and rubbed her closed eyes, pausing for a moment to watch the little light show behind her eyelids that is always put on when you rub your eyes too hard. She blinked, smiled a little, and stepped quietly out of bed, so as not to wake Charlotte and Emily. Neither sister was much of a morning person, and Lily didn't want them to be irritable the entire day. 

__

(A Quick A/N: I'm not sure if I had the conversation between J&L in the above segment completely correct. My brother is insisting on reading OoP right now, and refuses to let me see it, so I did that completely off of memory, which means I am almost positive it's wrong. I haven't read it enough times for it to be right ;) So don't bother correcting me on it, I might fix it later…but even if I don't, you guys know what's right, and that's what's important, right?) 

***

When Lily came downstairs, James was already there, flipping through a book in an almost bored fashion, the quiet of the room occasionally punctured by his snickering or sighing. Remembering their conversation not two weeks before, Lily said quietly, "Must be a good book." 

James, not looking up, replied lazily, "It is." He smiled behind the book and said, "What are you doing up this early?" 

Deciding not to keep with the whole reenactment of their last real conversation, Lily sat on the sofa opposite him and told him, "I just woke up." 

He didn't say much of anything, just a slight, "Ah." Then he cleared his throat and said, "Listen, Lily, about the other day in Charms…" 

"You mean the day where you reminded me just how much of a prick you are?" she said coolly. 

"_You think you're funny, but you're just an arrogant little toerag…"_

Lily's own voice flashed through her head, and she wondered why she kept dwelling on the happenings of that afternoon today. It was two years ago, and it wasn't like anything extremely major had come out of it. 

She returned her attention to James, who had apparently just said something and was waiting for her reaction. "What?" she asked, her voice sounding dazed and a little stupid. Lily winced.

James looked thoroughly peeved that she wasn't paying attention to him. "I said, I'm sorry." 

If she hadn't been seated, Lily would've fallen over. She had never heard James Potter apologize for anything to anyone, except maybe Professor McGonagall, and even then it was in such a sweetly angelic voice that Lily (and often McGonagall herself) didn't believe for a moment. 

"Sorry for what?" Lily said softly, as though she was speaking in a church. She really was that surprised. 

James looked cross now. "For…for…" He made some wild hand motions that didn't mean anything, apparently trying to stall. "For…trying to come on to you." 

_"Go on…go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again." _

"Well," Lily said briskly, now trying to get James's taunting voice out of her head. "Well." She didn't seem to be able to say anything else. 

"Well, you forgive me, or well, I'm still a sodding bastard in your eyes?"

Lily smiled a little. "Both." 

***

** _Monday, 4 December _**

**Approximately 6:00 a.m.:** _Subject has just left Common Room, laughing obscenely at (are you ready for this shocking revelation?) my expense. _

You'd think she'd be a little more sympathetic towards me. I am **trying** to get her to fall in love with me--pricky, James, pricky-- but it's not working as well as I'd hoped, and she's loving it.   
Sometimes Subject makes me extremely angry.

Maybe that is why I like her so much. 

Whatever. 

Okay, so I have been up since four thirty this morning, waiting for Subject to come downstairs, partially because I wanted to apologize without the entire bloody school breathing down my neck, and partially because Moony will ask me as soon as he sees me whether or not I've apologized to Subject yet. Okay, just because I have put it off for three days does not mean I'm never going to do it. Case in point: I already apologized this morning. Subject's reaction was less than stellar, but why quibble? Point is, I got it over with. 

And the best part of the entire morning? When Subject came downstairs. Not because she looked exceptionally pretty this morning, but because of what she said: "Must be a good book." 

I told her it was. And it is: I wrote it, after all.

***

A/N: Yeah, we'll (you'll, actually, I already know) why Lily keeps remembering the little shred of canon I'm working off of eventually. Have not decided when. It's negotiable ;) 

I'm glad most people like James's journal entries; I really like writing them. There's also a reason why he keeps calling Lily 'Subject' (besides the obvious comedic answer; I just like the way it sounds with 'Subject' interjected where Lily's name is supposed to go), but whether or not that reason will come out in the story or if I'll just flat out tell you is also negotiable. 

I was asked (ooh, it's Q&A time! Gather 'round, everyone!) whether or not this'll just be explaining how James and Lily got together, or if I'll continue talking about how they escaped Voldemort 3 times. Probably the latter…just not in this story, because that mention in the book drove me insane wondering how they did it _three times_. Yes, I am planning to steal all of the possible Extend-the-Canon-into-Fanon ideas from the 5th book concerning the Marauders. And after that, I'll conquer the world. ;) 

__


	6. While You Were Sleeping

Deflating

Chapter Six: While You Were Sleeping 

***

__

**Wednesday, 13 December**

Approximately 11:30 a.m.: _Am wondering whether or not I should go home for Christmas. Mum and Dad have said that I am allowed to invite some friends over for the holidays if I like, but I am thinking that Christmas would be prime time to close the deal with Subject. _

Okay, Padfoot has just read over my shoulder and is laughing like an idiot. He is wondering why I do not write Subject's name down ("It's only four letters, Prongs, it's not that hard. Do you need me to spell it out for you?"), which I guess is an issue that I've never addressed. I don't write down her name because I don't want her to be able to tell it's her I've been writing about should I be careless and leave this lying around the Common Room and she reads it or something. 

Padfoot is laughing again and says that that is the stupidest thing he has ever heard. 

Padfoot wishes to add his comments:

****

Prongs, I am thinking that you should go home for Christmas. 

_What prompts this rare show of thought?_

****

I have my reasons, and I assure you, they are all brilliant and important.

__

Oh, I forgot: my mother promised you gingerbread scones every morning, didn't she?

****

Dammit, Prongs, they just don't make gingerbread scones here like your mother does! 

But I agree that you might have reasons to stay…we could do some real damage with some mistletoe…

__ ****

Moony also wishes to add his comments: I don't know what kind of fun you two are planning on having with mistletoe, but you'll be doing it alone.

__

What makes you say that, O Spoilsport? 

****

What makes you think I'd ever come near Prongs when he's wielding mistletoe at me?

**__**

Lily's going home for Christmas. 

***

James was very positive that Lily was doing this on purpose. 

"It makes sense!" he exclaimed much later that night, when he and his three friends were preparing to go to bed. "I mean, she knows what I'm doing--to some extent--and she's obviously not pleased about it, so she'll do anything to stop herself from falling in love with me. If she stayed here for Christmas, and I did too, well, she wouldn't be able to help herself, would she? So she's saving herself the pain and thrill of being in love with me." 

Sirius threw a shoe at his best friend, who deftly dodged it. 

"Yeah, that was pricky, wasn't it?" James said darkly. 

Sirius nodded, loosening his tie. "Careful not to say anything else, Prongs, or I just might throttle you with this," he added, waving the gallantly striped tie in the air before throwing it on the floor. 

"But doesn't my theory make sense?" James asked eagerly.

"Well, apart from all that stuff about Lily not liking what you're trying to do, no," Remus said. 

James, looking puzzled, said, "I don't follow you." 

Remus pitched himself onto his bed, sighing and rubbing his temples. "Prongs," he began tiredly, "how many times do I have to explain this to you?" 

"As many times as it takes for me to get it," James responded, seating himself on the foot of his own bed and watching Remus expectantly. 

"Lily is a _girl._ A living, breathing _girl._ She's not like you and me and Padfoot and Wormtail here. So, while Padfoot might be flattered by someone constantly following him around and flirting with him constantly--"

"Well, that depends. Is this someone attractive?" Sirius interjected, fixing his attention on Remus interestedly. 

"This someone doesn't exist," Remus snapped. "We're trying to focus on Prongs's predicament, aren't we?" 

"Sure," Sirius replied. "But I can get something out of this, too, can't I?"

"Shut up, Padfoot," Remus said wearily. "I'm trying to explain this to James." 

"Yeah, Padfoot," James said, shooting Sirius a stony look. "Stop throwing off his concentration." 

Muttering derisively about 'uncaring friends' and 'bloody unfocused gits', Sirius stepped into bed and pulled the covers over his head, still listening intently. 

"You were saying, Moony?" James said, once Sirius's half-hearted rants had subsided. 

"While Padfoot might be flattered by someone paying consistent attention to him, or you might like a girl a considerable amount more if she was attractive, Lily might not be interested in all those things. She might be interested in other things about a person, like what…what…" Remus struggled for words. 

James, who was listening to his friend in rapt attention, said eagerly, "Yes?" 

"Like…what kind of books you like to read," Remus offered finally. 

"Books….Hold on, let me get the book!" James exclaimed, leaning over the length of his bed to fumble in his bag for the book, which was rarely seen out of his hands lately.

Once James had retrieved it, had it balanced carefully on one of his pillows, and had a quill and ink at the ready, Remus continued, "Or…or…." His voice faltered, and he shrugged. "See, James, this is exactly what I'm talking about! Do you want to know why the advice that Sirius, Peter, and I gave you didn't work?" 

"Because he did it wrong?" Sirius suggested bitterly from under his blanket. 

"Because there is no set way to win Lily over," Remus told James, ignoring their other friend. "There is no surefire method to get anything you really want. You have to…" Remus struggled for words again. "You have to make it yourself." 

***

**_Thursday, 14 December_**

Approximately 7:30 a.m.: _"There is no set way to win [Subject] over. You have to make it yourself." Why, thanks, Moony, for that load of psychological drivel that MEANS NOTHING TO ME. _

What was I supposed to do with that remark, hmm? Was it supposed to become CRYSTAL CLEAR to me what I was supposed to do to get Subject to like me?? Because, surprise, surprise, it DIDN'T. 

Why can't she just allow me a snog and get it over with? I'd be happy with just a snog. Really, I would. The shagging? Completely negotiable now. I don't even care anymore. I'm tired of doing this and being shot down. 

But it'll drive me bloody insane if I don't at least get a SNOG! A snog off of Subject would cement my status as a god once and for all. Really, it would. 

Yeah, there are at least fifty pricky things in that paragraph, but again: I don't even care.

Actually, I think I care too much.

I need to stop thinking about this, or I will go insane.

Did I develop multiple personalities overnight?

***

Lily glanced over at James, hunched over and scribbling furiously in book she saw him carrying around all the time. Did he keep a journal? 

__

Lily smirked. She couldn't see James Potter writing down his deepest thoughts and dreams in a diary. Lily herself couldn't keep a journal to save her life (she always got extremely bored with her own life after a few days; she always felt that to deserve a journal, you had to be an interesting person to whom interesting things happened), so maybe James keeping one was admirable. 

They were in History of Magic, and, as usual, no one was paying attention. Lily had stopped trying to copy down every little word Binns said about three years ago, and Binns didn't seem to notice either way. 

She watched James with renewed interest. That book was really irking her now; she was itching to Summon it over to her and read it. But that would be wrong, she reminded herself. 

He was screwing up his face now, he seemed anxious or angry about something. James's hand tightened around the quill he was holding as he scribbled. 

Lily rested her head on one of her propped hands, watching him still. Her eyes were sliding in and out of focus…James had finished writing and was reading over what he'd written, quill in his mouth, body tense…she really had to finish "The Beauty and the Baby," Charlotte wanted to borrow it…James had just bitten the end off of his quill and was now spitting feathers onto his desk….

_ "Leave him alone!" she was shrieking, and that bubbling feeling of anger was back, alive and kicking. It was this anger, she believed, that drew out her wand and pointed it threateningly at James. Her hand was shaking, but he didn't seem to notice. _

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," James said, almost whining, like he really didn't want to hex her, but he would if she made him. Lily wondered briefly what she could do that would send him over the edge like that. Not today, though, she told herself fiercely. No, don't test him now…

"Take the curse off him, then!" she yelled, motioning to Severus Snape, who was lying on the ground in a pile of robes. James's eyes flickered over to Snape, as though just remembering that he was there. 

James met her eyes, and she stubbornly refused to break his gaze. James sighed, ran his hand through his hair quickly, and turned to Snape again. Lily was a little afraid that he was going to curse him again, but much to her surprise, he took the curse off. 

"There you go," he snapped icily as Snape stood up on shaky, wobbly legs, "you're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus--" 

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her," Snape spat. 

While Lily hadn't exactly been expecting a groveling thanks from the boy she had only seen in passing, she certainly hadn't anticipated his hostile reaction. James apparently hadn't either: his eyes widened and color rose to his face as he scrunched up his nose in hate--no, no, even James Potter couldn't hate--dislike. 

"Apologize to Evans!" James bellowed, extending his wand at Snape again, his hazel eyes blazing behind his glasses. 

This just made Lily even more upset. She didn't need James Potter to come to her rescue; she wasn't some simpering damsel in distress, and him trying to treat her like one did not make her appreciate him any more. 

"I don't want you to make him apologize!" she yelled angrily, turning to face him again and meeting his surprised eyes. He opened his mouth to say something back, but she beat him to it. "You're just as bad as he is!" 

"Lily?" 

Lily shot up in her seat, confused. James Potter was standing over her, looking--concerned? Surprised? What _was_ that expression?--at her. The room was empty. They were the only two left. 

At seeing James's face, she was reminded of the contempt she had felt for him that day, and the first thing that shot out of her mouth was, "You're just as bad as he is!" 

Now James looked confused. "What?" he asked, startled, as his eyebrows knitted together. 

Lily flushed, embarrassed. She didn't usually say things without thinking to _avoid_ situations like this. "No-nothing," she stammered. "Where is everyone?" 

James glanced down at his watch. "Potions, I expect," he said, smiling. 

Lily was horrified. "What?" she breathed. 

"You fell asleep," James said, and his tone was almost…fatherly? Ew, _no._ "It happens. Especially in this class. Want to go get some tea or something from the kitchens? I don't feel like going to Potions." 

"How long have I been asleep like this?" she asked in a hushed voice. 

"Well, I've been trying to wake you up for five minutes now." He flushed a little. "What were you dreaming about?" he asked curiously. 

Lily scowled. "I don't see where that's any of your business." 

James smirked. "See, I beg to differ." 

"Sleep is the only way I can escape you. I think I'm right in saying what I'm thinking about while I'm there is none of your business," Lily snapped, standing up. 

She strode to the door, prepared to leave and go to Potions, prepared to apologize for her lateness and accept the repercussions, when James said softly from where he was still standing, "Lily, you said my name." 

Lily froze as she felt the color drain rapidly from her face. "No, I didn't," she said, so quietly she wasn't sure if he'd heard her. 

He had. "Oh, I assure you, you did. You don't have to worry, though. I was the only one here." 

"I didn't say your name!" Lily repeated, her voice elevating. 

"You did," James corrected her. 

"No, James Potter!" she said, and she was so furious she couldn't see. She didn't know why she'd said his full name--maybe she couldn't decide which name she wanted to use. "No, I will not entertain your intransigent fantasies by saying your bloody name!" 

James looked alarmed. "Okay, Lily, calm down," he said quietly, going over to her and putting a hand on her shoulder. "I…I won't tell anyone. Just…don't start crying." 

"I'm not going to cry!" she yelled at him, but there were already tears welling in her eyes. _Why am I being so stupid? It must be all those romance novels. _"Get your hand _off_ me!" she added, shoving his hand away.

She stormed out of the room, in very romance-novel behavior.

***

A/N: Oh, I promise you: you will get a very victorious James-journal entry next chapter. He wouldn't disappoint you like that; I promise ;) 

Kudos to Fashion diva (sorry, my spellchecker automatically separates your name) who guessed the reason why James refuses to write Lily's name in his Stalker Journal. I just said it was a _reason._ I didn't say it was a _good_ reason. ;) 

And you guys are making suggestions!! That makes me so happy, because that means you _care._ I love suggestions; and I like to use them--you guys have much better ideas than I do--so don't feel hesitant to tell me what you think should happen.

For HoL: I already had something like that in mind; we think a lot alike. I'll drive up to Canada and take grief counseling with you!! 

Excalibur: I _loved_ that!! Will definitely use it. _Definitely. _

Dude, I'm on 97 favorites' lists, 12 of which came from this story. ::shakes head:: You guys are delusional, but I love you anyway. 

__


	7. Gingerbread

Deflating

Chapter Seven: Gingerbread 

***

**Possibly the Most Glorious Day of My Life to Date**

Thursday, 14 December

_11:35 a.m.: Subject said my name in her sleep. _

She said my name. 

She was dreaming about me! 

And you know it was good; this is me we're talking about. 

So I was waiting for her to wake up, thinking bitterly to myself that this was probably the only time I'd ever see her asleep, and wondering whether or not I should do "Ennervate" on her, just in case she had fallen into a coma. 

As I'm debating this, I'm looking at the chalkboard. Suddenly, I hear this fluttery little voice that I have never heard before mutter, "James." 

Instinctively, I say, "What?", thinking that Subject had woken up and was wondering what the hell I was doing lording over her. 

But when Subject didn't reply, I looked over at her and she was STILL ASLEEP, she hadn't even shifted. 

Okay, I couldn't really do a victory dance right then, in case Subject woke up and saw me (that would be horribly embarrassing). I can't dance, so when I try, I like to do it without the stigma of public mockery.

But I'll tell you, I felt very godlike just then. 

I kept watching her, begging her to say it again, but she didn't. She just kept sleeping, and sometimes she frowned so that little wrinkles appeared between her eyebrows. Admittedly, this would have been the perfect time to make those classic "She-Looks-Beautifully-Peaceful-While-She's-Sleeping" observations, but I wasn't even concentrating on what she looked like--though I'm sure she was very pretty. I guess. 

I decided that she wasn't going to say it again, so I kind of shook her again and said her name right in her ear.

She shot straight up, and looked very puzzled. Then she looked at me, frowned, and snapped, "You're just as bad as he is!" 

Now what the hell is this supposed to mean? I'm just as bad as who? And what am I supposedly bad at? Everyone knows I'm not bad at anything…well, except chess, but I don't really think Subject and I were playing chess in that dream, okay? 

"What?" I asked her. 

She looked embarrassed, so obviously, she wasn't supposed to say that. "Nothing," she said, then looked around and noticed that we were the only two left. Subject then asked me where everyone was. 

"Potions, I expect," I said, smiling charmingly. I offered to take her down to the kitchens for a little tea or something, but Subject ignored me and asked how long she had been asleep. I told her (embellishing a little; I said I'd only been trying to wake her for five minutes when really, it was more like fifteen--I didn't want her to think I was a psycho who has a fetish for watching pretty girls sleep), and she nearly fell over, she was so surprised. 

Then, I took a gamble and asked her what she was dreaming about. 

Subject actually looked kind of mad. Her voice got all cold when she replied, "I don't see where that's any of your business." 

I smirked, knowing just how wrong she was. "See, I beg to differ." 

Subject looked confused before replying, "Sleep is the only way I can escape you. I think I'm right in saying that what I think about while I'm there is none of your business." She got up to leave, but I certainly stopped her:

"You said my name." 

Oh, she stopped all right. She almost tripped over her own feet and kept saying, "No, I didn't, no, I didn't," over and over and over. 

Okay, Subject, I already know you were having fantasies about me. There's no use in denying it now, and there's certainly no need to be embarrassed about it. It's perfectly understandable. 

I assured her she had, indeed, called out my name, most likely in throes of passion (didn't say that, luckily, she would've boxed me), but she grew rather hysterical, shouting, "I did not entertain your intransigent fantasies by saying your bloody name!" 

This would have been a very interesting situation to try to explain to a teacher if they heard Subject screaming at me, but none came to see what the hell was going on. 

I crossed the room, thinking that maybe I could pull her into a hug (I didn't try right off, though; just put my hand on her shoulder), and said, "It's okay, I won't tell anyone…just don't start crying," because she really looked like she was going to cry. I cannot stand crying girls, because I never know what to do, and I always end up saying something really stupid and looking like even more of a prick. 

So while I'm praying silently for Subject to hold in tears, she was praying the same thing, because she yelled, "I am not crying!" then told me to take my hand off of her shoulder, and left the room. 

I did my victory dance then.

If Subject is dreaming about me, it is only a matter of time before the process is complete. 

So, to keep with my chess analogy: 

Check.

She won't know what hit her.

***

"So, did you and Lily have a little rendezvous in the History of Magic classroom?" Sirius asked when James came, smirking, into the Great Hall for lunch. 

"Well," James replied as he slid into a seat next to Peter, "I wasn't a part of it."

The remaining Marauders stared at him in confusion. "What?" Remus finally vocalized. 

James leaned forward to whisper confidentially, "She said my name in her sleep." He leaned back and grinned, "I told you staying back was worth it."

"Wh…wh--how did she say it?" Sirius inquired in a hushed voice. 

James recalled the story, embellishing a little on his part (according to his version of things, Lily had said his name no less than five times in the span of ten minutes). Just as he was about to tell the end of the story, Lily herself strode into the room, heading straight towards him. 

"Don't say anything," he muttered to his friends, who all had very condescending smiles on their faces. They ignored him. 

Lily didn't stop to chat, however. She grabbed James's robes and pulled him out of the hall. 

_Forceful, _James thought as she was dragging him up to the Gryffindor Common Room, _I hope she knows that that's really--_

James didn't get to finish his thought, as Lily had just thrown him down onto one of the couches. She stood in front of him, and her expression was unreadable. 

"James," she began, and he was pleased to note that she had called him by his first name again. "You were…you were with me when I was sleeping, right?" 

"Yeah," he said curiously, wondering where she was going with this. 

"Do you want to know what I was dreaming about?" 

Had he not been sitting down, James would have fallen over. This had to be a dream; there was _no way_ Lily Evans was confessing something that would make him very happy. 

Well…he was right in one. 

"Sure," he told her, trying to be casual about it. 

Lily gave a very heavy sigh and dropped onto the couch next to him. "Do you remember that day…outside, by the lake, when you hung Severus Snape upside down in the air?" 

James smirked. "Yes." 

"And I stopped all your _fun_?" she spat the word "fun" out in extreme distaste. 

Smirk disappeared. "Yes." 

"I was dreaming about that day," Lily said. 

James met her eyes in confusion. "What?" 

She nodded. "I was dreaming about that day. I've been having that dream for days now, and I don't know what it means." 

"It doesn't _mean_ anything," James said sullenly, thoroughly disappointed that that was all Lily had been dreaming about. 

"Of course it does," Lily said, straightening. "It has to mean _something_. Recurring dreams have to have some significance, and this one _actually happened._ It means something. I just don't know what it is." 

"Well, good luck with that, then," James told her. "I personally think you're reading into it too much and that you should just ignore it, but if you want to go all analytical, go on ahead." 

She sighed. "I plan to 'go all analytical.' I'll think about it over Christmas and get back to you." She smiled, stood up, and went up to her room.

_I'll think about it over Christmas and get back to you._

***

Indeed, Lily did think about it over Christmas. 

In fact, it was _all_ she thought about over Christmas. 

She had a drawer full of scribbled theories, all as unlikely as the next. It was very frustrating work, trying to determine why this memory was haunting her. Each time she would abandon the search, she would have the dream again. 

__

Finally, on the last day before she had to go back to school, Lily decided that she might as well ask her mother. While Mrs. Evans wasn't a witch, she was a very good listener. At the very least, Lily had to get this out into the open. She just had to. 

Mrs. Evans was going grocery shopping this particular morning, so Lily volunteered to go with her. Lily hadn't accompanied her mother on a shopping trip of any sort since last year, so it felt nice to do it again. 

Lily brought up the dream when her mother was selecting apples. "Mum, I've been having a dream lately," she said cautiously, wondering whether or not this was a smart idea. 

"Oh?" Mrs. Evans said politely as she twirled the plastic produce bag in her hands to close the mouth of it tightly. 

"Mmm-hmm," Lily muttered, "but it's not really a dream, per se. It actually happened." 

Mrs. Evans turned to her daughter, looking anxious. "Lily, dear, did you have a premonition?"

Lily laughed. "No, no, no, nothing of the sort. No, this event happened in fifth year, and for some reason, I've just been dreaming it lately. A lot."

Mrs. Evans looked relieved that her daughter was not suddenly psychic. "Oh," she said, laughing a bit. "What is this memory, then?"

Lily recounted the story as they traveled down aisles, picking up loaves of bread, cases of sodas, bags of flour and sugar, and bottles of water as she did. By the time they reached the freezers with meat in them, she was finishing up. 

"So…what do you make of it?" Lily asked anxiously. "James says that I'm reading to far into it. Am I?"

"I think the answer is right in front of you," Mrs. Evans said, smiling. "Is James that darling boy I met at the train station?"

Lily scowled. "Yes, but he's not darling and I don't see what that has to do with--"

"It has everything to do with it, Lily," Mrs. Evans told her daughter gently as she lifted a steak out of the freezer and placed it in her cart. "You're just refusing to see it." 

"See what?" Lily instantly demanded. "See _what, _Mum?"

"I won't say," Mrs. Evans said, smiling. She was clearly enjoying knowing something her daughter didn't. "It'll be more rewarding for you if you figure it out on your own. And you will." She pushed her cart further along the freezers. "But I liked him," she added thoughtfully. 

"What are you _on_ about?" Lily asked incredulously as she followed her mother diligently down the row of freezers. 

"I told you, I can't say," Mrs. Evans said, smiling still. 

"Well," Lily huffed, "I'm glad you're enjoying this, Mother, but it's extremely frustrating!"

***

**Sunday, 4 January**

21 Days Since I Last Saw Subject 

__

12:35 p.m.: I am going back to school tomorrow, where Subject will hopefully have some more intriguing information as to why she's been dreaming about that day when she exercised her power as a killjoy. I still believe Subject is reading into this far more than it is deserved. 

I got her something. For Christmas, I mean. I didn't send it to her because I don't know how open-minded her parents are as far as owls, them being Muggles and all. I got her romance novels. Five of them. I'll give them to her once I see her tomorrow.

I have read them, too, and see nothing funny about them. Oh, well. Maybe I just didn't get the right kind. 

Padfoot looked at me very strangely when he saw me reading them. I told him that Subject reads them, and I wanted to see what the big deal was all about, but I don't think he believed me. He grew even more suspicious when I didn't send them to her at Christmas. I think he really believes that I'm keeping them for my own personal enjoyment. 

As for a course of action where Subject is concerned once we get back…well, she's already dreaming about me (so what if she's harping on the prick I was in fifth year? She's got to see that I'm really getting better about that). I really see no more that I can do. I just have to…let it flow naturally. And if that doesn't work, I might just pin her in the Common Room and kiss her. I'm really getting that frustrated…

***

James boarded the Hogwarts Express the next day, Sirius at his side, clutching Lily's gift in his left hand. He hadn't seen her outside, and Sirius was getting whiny and impatient, so he decided to wait for her on the train. 

He was careful to look into compartments for her as they went along, searching for Remus and Peter, but he didn't see her before Sirius found their friends. 

"Have a good holiday?" Peter asked politely. 

"It was fine," James replied restlessly. "Seen Lily?" 

Remus smirked. "My, you have a one track mind, don't you?" 

__

"Sure," James responded. "Have you seen her?"

Peter shook his head. "We came straight here." 

James sighed. "I'll look for her when the train starts moving," he promised himself under his breath. 

As if on cue, the train shook for a moment, then started chugging along the tracks. James grinned at his friends. "I'll be back," he said, practically leaping from his seat. 

He walked quickly down the hall, glancing in compartments, looking for Lily. He finally found her in the third to last compartment, sitting with four other girls, who stopped talking immediately when he opened the door. 

"Hi, Lily," he said, smiling at her. 

"James," she replied coolly. 

_Good, she used my first name…we're off to a good start…_

"Um," James began brilliantly, "um, can I talk to you?" 

"You are talking," Lily pointed out. 

_There she goes again._

"Yeah, well, can I talk to you without four other people watching me?" 

Lily smiled. "Close your eyes, girls." 

They giggled.

_Damn her._

"Lily," James said exasperatedly. 

"All right," she smiled, standing up. "Don't get your knickers in a twist, there, James." 

He stood aside so she could exit fully, and closed the door behind her. "I got you something," he said abruptly, thrusting the wrapped package towards her. "For Christmas…I didn't send it to you at Christmas, because I didn't know how your family would react to owls…" 

Lily was unwrapping the present, but glanced up at him, humor flashing in her eyes. "They have seen an owl before," she told him. "I don't think they would have minded." She went back to tearing the remaining paper off of the books, and stared at them once she was done. 

For a moment, James was terrified that he had made a huge mistake, but to his surprise, she grinned. "Romance novels," she said, meeting his eyes. 

"Y-yeah, I've seen you reading them, so I--I figured…" he trailed off. 

"That's thoughtful," she told him. "Thanks. If you'd've told me you were planning on giving me a present, I'd've gotten you one." 

"I'd settle for a kiss," James blurted before he could stop himself. 

Lily snorted. "If you think I'd kiss you just because you gave me some books, you don't know me at all." 

_Potter, you are an asshole._

He blushed, and mumbled, "Yeah, I didn't think you actually would." Then he remembered something. "Hey, how have your dreams been going?"

She looked surprised for a moment, then confused, then recognition dawned upon her face. "Oh!" she said, laughing a little. "Oh, that. Well, thanks for being concerned, James, but I think I've got it under control." 

"So you know--?" 

"No," Lily responded quickly. "No, I--I haven't quite figured that out yet. But I will." She flashed a quick smile and added, "Anything else?"

James shook his head, wondering if she was telling the truth. "No," he said. "Nothing."

__ __


	8. A Question of Interest

Deflating

  
Chapter Eight: A Question of Interest 

*** 

_She was having the sodding dream again. _

But it kept switching, kept going back and forth from That Day to more current events, like a preview of an upcoming movie; garbled, choppy scenes that didn't make any sense out of context. 

It started out with Lily screaming at James to leave Severus Snape alone, and asking what Snape had done to him to make him act like this: "It's more the fact that he exists,_ if you know what I mean."_

Quickly, a different scene flashed in front of her: James shuffling shyly on the train to give her a belated Christmas present. 

Back to That Day: "Ah, Evans don't make me hex you."

"You don't want enemies. No one does." 

"You said my name." 

"I'd settle for a kiss instead." 

"Go on…go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again." 

"I'm making an effort. Can't you?" 

"Just…please, don't cry." 

Lily shot awake feeling very confused and a little angry, James's face stuck on her mind, that perpetually obnoxious smirk firmly in place on his face. _Why do I keep having this dream?_

Someone needed to explain it to her in plain English. Her mother was talking in riddles, James wasn't having any part of it, and she herself was most definitely experiencing a bit of a block on the subject. 

Sighing, Lily stepped out of bed, vowing to herself not to think on it anymore today--and to stay wide awake in History of Magic.

***

James flipped through his Stalking-Lily-Evans journal lazily without looking at it, glancing around the History of Magic classroom with his eyes half-shut. His gaze, predictably, landed on Little Miss Subject herself. She seemed determined to keep awake, he noted with a smirk, and was sitting up board-straight, hands clasped on the desk in front of her.

Lily was one row over, two seats in front of him--easy throwing distance for passing a note. 

Quickly, James tore a piece of paper form the Stalking-Lily-Evans journal, careful not to distract his surrounding friends, who were all asleep. Now he only had to think of something clever and witty to write down…

Nothing of the sort came to mind, so James wrote, 'Enjoying your books?', folded up the paper, and tossed it to her. 

James wasn't a Quidditch player just because he looked nice on a broom (well, that may have been _part_ of the reason…but James certainly hoped it wasn't the _only_ reason); his aim was impeccable and the paper landed cleanly on her desk. He watched her as she unfolded the parchment and read it. Lily shook her head and scribbled a reply, then levitated the paper back to him with her wand: 

__ ****

Why, were you hoping to borrow them when I finished? Tsk, tsk, James, they're mine now--your rare show of thoughtfulness can't be taken back. 

James smiled in spite of himself and wrote back:

_Nah, I've already read them all. Which part are you on?_

He flicked it back to her, and when she read, her surprise was apparent even from behind her. Lily, still shaking her head, replied: 

**__**

And what did you hope to get out of reading them? How to really court a girl? 

_From what I read, there was no courting whatsoever. The characters met and immediately started shagging. You're right, maybe I am doing this thing the wrong way…_

You are a pretentious git. 

You know, you keep telling me that. 

****

Because it's true. 

Aren't I getting better, though?

You've stopped hexing people in the hallways for no reason. That's a vast improvement. 

Lily, dear, you have no idea how much I miss that. But what about where you're concerned?

****

What about where I'm concerned?

Stop stalling. Admit you love me. 

****

James, darling, I cannot stand you.

***

"What the hell are you _doing?" _Remus demanded incredulously at lunch as he read the notes James and Lily were passing in the previous class. "Are you _trying_ to delete everything you've done?"

"No, that wasn't my main intention," James said, looking completely unconcerned with Remus's frustration. Actually, he looked like he was rather enjoying it. 

"So what was your main intention? To make a total ass of yourself?"

"That's just one of those fringe benefits. No, I was just trying to have a little fun with her. In case you haven't noticed, I haven't been doing much of that lately. Get a sense of humor, Moony, it'll do you some good."

Remus stared at his friend. "James," he said seriously, "are you losing interest?"

"No!" James responded defensively. "Of course not. I haven't gotten her yet."

"Well," Sirius began, interjecting his two cents for the first time since this conversation started, "I hope you're not losing interest, because it appears as though Lily's finally gaining some." 

James's attention immediately snapped to Sirius. _"What?"_

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Pay attention to her, Prongs. She's flirting with you…subtly, yeah, but she's flirting with you all the same."

***

Lily was seriously getting tired of dreaming about every single solitary encounter she'd ever had with James. Seriously. The next morning when she'd see him, he would grate on her nerves before he even came within a ten mile radius of her. She stayed up as late as she could every night, hoping that if she got tired enough, she wouldn't dream anything.

__

Obviously, Lily thought as she sat in bed, reading one of James's romance novels (God, _everything_ reminded her of him now), _I'm supposed to be drawing something from these stupid dreams…but the only thing I've gathered is that James Potter is taking away my sanity…_

Lily tried to keep reading, but theories kept popping into her mind, none of them making any sense whatsoever: Maybe if I write down everything he says in the dream, then rearrange the letters, it'll spell out some huge secret….Maybe James was trying to infiltrate her mind….

Eventually, much to her chagrin, she drifted into sleep…

__

"I'm not asking you to marry me, I'm just asking you to go on first name terms with me." 

"Hey, how have your dreams been going?"

"What are you talking about, Lily? There's plenty of room in here."

"I'd NEVER call you a--a you-know-what!" 

"From what I read, there was no courting whatsoever. The characters met and immediately started shagging. You're right, maybe I am doing this thing the wrong way…"

"Stop stalling. Admit you love me." 

And it was then that Lily shot awake. 

"Oh, my God," she muttered quietly. "Oh, my God." 

She'd figured out what the stupid dreams were about all right. 

And she was so upset she wanted to kill him. 

It was all his fault. Yes, that made more sense. Everything was James Potter's fault. 

***

A/N: Ah…so she knows…yeah, I know it's not exactly clear right now--that was intentional, I promise, because Lily is not thinking clearly…oh, look, there I go, talking about characters as if they actually are acting out what I'm typing. It's 1:15 in the morning; I got four hours of sleep last night, so this author's note doesn't really make sense to anyone at all, least of all to me. Ignore me and review, because I love them so much ;) 

See you in 9!


	9. About Time

Deflating

Chapter Nine: About Time 

***

~For Mirrutsma, my 100th favorites' lister and fellow "I Love the '80s" fan…guess you and I will be watching the same thing today!~

***

Yes, that was a logical solution, Lily thought as she splashed cold water on her face. This was another thing that she could pin on him. Because she certainly hadn't…oh, she didn't even want to think it…_fallen_ for him on her own accord. No, _he'd _done it. It was _his _fault that he'd come back from Christmas break all charming and nice and…_stop it, Lily…_. That made sense, that made perfect sense. She was fine, perfectly fine as long as she could blame it on him…

Oh, God, she was falling apart. 

Lily groped for a towel and patted her face dry with it and squinted at her reflection in the mirror. Her skin was blotchy from the water and from the stupidly shocked crying she'd done earlier. Her nose was very red, and she caught sight of a blemish coming near her right temple. 

And _this_ was the girl James Potter claimed to like. 

What was _wrong _with him?

"Lily?" there was a small knock at the door and Charlotte's voice was calling to her softly. "Lily, are you all right?"

"Chipper," Lily replied darkly.

She opened the door and walked dazedly out into the dormitory. 

"We heard you crying," Emily volunteered cautiously from her bed where she was rummaging through her bag for something. 

Lily stiffened. "Oh," she said. "That--that was nothing. I'm fine, really." She emitted a small, false chuckle and fumbled around in her trunk, looking for…anything. 

"Oh, no," Emily said, laughing. "Don't think we'll let you get away with that. What's wrong? Seriously, Lily," she added, eyes softening. 

"Nothing's wrong," Lily insisted, giving a small smile. "I just…found something out today that--that I have to deal with." 

Yes, Lily thought to herself as she reached numbly for a tie. That's all. I just have to deal with it. 

And terminate it as soon as humanly possible.

***

James munched contentedly on piece of toast at the breakfast table, watching Lily out of the corner of his eye and chatting with Sirius. 

"D'you really think she's interested?" James asked, inclining his head a little--after much debate on the subject, James had recently decided that his left side was the most appealing to look at and he wanted to make sure that Lily got the full blast of it in case she _was _interested. "Is she watching me?" he added out of the corner of his mouth so that Lily wouldn't hear him. 

"As a matter of fact," Sirius said, turning his head to face Lily and flashing her a smile, "she is." 

James grinned. "Good," he said satisfactorily, reaching for another piece of toast. "Think it's safe to acknowledge her?" 

"Reckon so," Sirius replied, turning back to his friend. "What are you going to do today? Wave? Smile? Blow kisses? Mouth sweet nothings across the hall?" 

"Go over and say hello," James decided, cramming the last of his toast in his mouth and standing up and striding along the length of the table until he reached where Lily was sitting alone, sipping some orange juice and reading one of the romance novels. 

"Good morning," he greeted her pleasantly, taking the seat next to her. 

She didn't look up at him, but buried her face further in the book. "Go away," she said. 

James was surprised. He thought things had been going well as of late, and if Lily _was_ interested (that was a big 'if' lately; he thought about it constantly) she sure had a funny way of showing it. "No," he replied firmly. "I don't have to go anywhere." He reached for still another piece of toast as if to finalize the matter. 

"Fine," Lily said pointedly, rising. "_I'll_ go." 

James stood up as well. "I'll go with you." 

She glared at him. "James, I'm very serious: you are the last person I want to see right now." 

"Why?" James wanted to know, trailing her as she made to leave the Great Hall. 

Lily stopped walking, turned to him and began, "Because--" 

She cut herself off, shook her head, and started walking again at a quicker pace. James followed.  
"Because what, Lily?" James asked, careful to stay two steps behind her lest she lash out at him. "What is so repulsive about me that you can't stand to be in my company for more than ten minutes?" 

"Why do you care?" Lily fired back, her voice rising. "Tell me, _why do you care?"_

"I asked first." 

"Don't be childish." 

"Okay, Lily," James said, grabbing her arm and thus stopping her. "Okay. I'll play along and answer your question. Why do I care? I care because I lo--" 

"If you _dare_ say you love me, you will regret it," Lily hissed. "I promise you James." 

"I care because I _love _you," James finished, ignoring her. He stared down at her, challenging her with his eyes. "Go on, Lily," he said, his voice deadly quiet, "go on. Take your best shot. I'll let you." 

She made no move to hit him, draw out her wand, or stalk off. She stood rigid in front of him, his hand still firmly on her arm. "You don't love me," Lily declared. "You wouldn't know _how_ to love me--" 

"You would be surprised at how much I do, Lily. When I'm not with you, I'm thinking about you, and when I am with you, I'm thinking about how much I think about you, and I'm beginning to think that it's a little unhealthy," James said, his voice still low. "Now, since we're having this happy little sharing time, I suggest you answer my question before I kiss you." 

"I don't have to answer anything," Lily said, her own voice shaking. 

"Then I guess I'll have to kiss you." 

"You kiss me, I'll hex you." 

"It's against the rules to use magic in the hallways," James pointed out, smiling for the first time since they'd begun this heated exchange. "Come off it, Lily, you're Head Girl, you should know that by now. Answer my question; it's not even a hard one: what do you hate about me?" 

"I don't hate you," Lily said. 

"Really? Are you sure?" 

"James, I can honestly and truly tell you that I do not hate you under any circumstances," she said, meeting his eyes again. 

"So why can't you stand me?" 

"I only said I'd answer that one question, and I did, so leave me alone." Lily pulled on her arm in an attempt to walk away, but James, being a Quidditch player and about fifty pounds heavier than she was, resisted. 

"What is wrong with you?" James asked, his voice marveling and soft. "You're acting…strange." 

"No, I'm not," Lily replied, and she was growing slightly hysterical. _"Please, _James, let me go--" 

"No," James said, and in a swift, single instant, leaned down and kissed her.

Her whole body went slack as soon as his mouth touched hers, he felt her. There was a split second when he thought that she just might kiss him back, but then she pulled away, tears streaming down her face. 

"James," Lily said, slowly and evenly. "You are a prick." 

"I know," he replied, watching her as she stalked off. 

***

"You _what?"_ Remus asked incredulously as the Marauders walked toward the Transfiguration classroom. 

"Kissed her," James replied flatly. "I don't know what I was thinking…I just _did _it." 

"And she _cried_?" Peter said, sniggering. "Did you bite her?" 

Sirius and Peter snickered at that, but James scowled as Remus shot his comrades a disapproving glare. 

"No," he snapped. "It was a closed mouth kiss, and it only lasted for about three seconds." 

"Was she mad?" Remus inquired as the four ducked into the classroom, seating themselves in the back row. 

"Oh, I don't think she'll ever speak to me again," James replied sullenly. "I'm lucky she didn't slap me."

"Well, to be fair," Sirius began, "you _did _tell her you loved her when she told you not to, held onto her when she told you not to, and kissed her when she told you not to. You really weren't listening very well." 

***

Lily scurried into Transfiguration just as the bell rang, slipping in the door as Professor McGonagall went to shut it and apologizing under her breath. Lily surveyed the room, noting that the only available seat was--next to James. Fabulous. He had probably threatened to hex anyone who tried to sit there. 

_I wonder if Professor McGonagall would let me sit on the floor, _Lily thought before the aforementioned professor cleared her throat and said gently, "Miss Evans, there is a seat open next to Mr. Potter." 

Sighing, Lily made her way towards the seat next to James, threw her bag onto the desk, crossed her arms over her chest, and as Professor McGonagall began the lesson, snapped, "I am not talking to you, so don't even--" 

"You don't have to talk back," James interrupted, without taking his eyes off of their professor. "I just need to talk." 

Lily, true to her word, didn't reply to this.

Still not facing her, James leaned into Lily so that their shoulders were touching and muttered, "I am sorry I kissed you, okay? I'm sorry I said all those things, and I'm sorry I made you cry. I would have gone after you--you know I would've, I'm persistent--but you were crying, and I can't handle crying girls. Want to throw me in with a boggart? Yeah, it's a crying girl. It'll probably be you crying now, actually, and--" 

"Mr. Potter, is there something you would like to share with the class?" Professor McGonagall asked from the front of the room, raising her eyebrows. 

Under her breath, so that even McGonagall couldn't tell, Lily murmured, "If you say anything stupid, I really won't ever talk to you again." 

James smiled. "I was just telling Lily that my boggart is--" 

"A Puffskein," Lily interrupted, fully realizing where he was going and shooting a glare at him. 

There were snickers at this, but James didn't even look fazed. "They're nasty little blighters, aren't they?" he commented cheerfully. "Lily was just telling me how much she hates them, too." 

"I detest them," Lily agreed. She had her eyes locked on James's, staring at him angrily, while James was holding her gaze with a smile on his face. 

"Well, while I am _thrilled_ to see that Mr. Potter and Miss Evans are _connecting_," Professor McGonagall began icily, and at these words, Lily's glare became even angrier and James's smile grew even wider, "this classroom is not a social arena and should not be treated that way. As I was saying, human transformations are…"

With the Professor's attention averted, James continued quietly, "Lily, I never meant to make you cry, I really didn't, but I just want you to know that I do mean all those things I said--" 

"I don't believe you," Lily interrupted as she wrote down main points about what Professor McGonagall was saying. 

James was surprised. "I--you don't _believe_ me?" 

"No," she replied simply. "I do not believe you." 

"Well," James said, flabbergasted. "Well, it's not really a question of whether or not you _believe_ me; I just want you to--" 

"To what, James?" Lily asked exasperatedly. "What do you want from me?"

"What _I _want," said Professor McGonagall's voice, "is for the two of you to _stop talking _and pay attention! If I have to warn you again, it will be five points!" 

"Sorry, Professor," James said, the jovial tone his voice had held earlier completely gone, "we'll try to keep it down." 

***

A/N: Yeah, I totally realize that this was entirely too fluffy and soap-opera-ish and that there hasn't been a Stalking-Lily-Evans journal entry in two chapters. Well, there will be one next chapter: Sirius, Remus, and Peter providing commentary for the above events.

Oh, look--it's midnight. Happy fourth of July to all of my fellow Americans. ::salute:: 


	10. Out of Order

Deflating

Chapter Ten: Out of Order

***

****

Thursday, 25 January 

Mr. Padfoot is of the opinion that Mr. Prongs is royally screwed.

_Mr. Moony seconds this opinion and would like to add that, had Mr. Prongs listened to what Mr. Moony said, Mr. Prongs would not be in this situation. _

Mr. Wormtail also agrees with Mr. Padfoot, and wishes for Mr. Moony to get off his high horse before it throws him off. 

**Say, Mr. Moony, would you attempt to give us a detailed transcript of what Mr. Prongs is saying to his Subject, so that we can make fun of him accordingly?**

**_Mr. Moony would be honored to: _**

**_As of right now, Mr. Prongs is telling his Subject that he apologizes for doing the following, not necessarily in this order: snogging Subject, professing his love for Subject, and making Subject cry. _**

Mr. Wormtail is still of the opinion that Mr. Prongs is a horrible kisser, thus causing his Subject to sob because he cannot fulfill her dreams. 

**Mr. Padfoot wholeheartedly agrees. Carry on, Mr. Moony.**

_Mr. Prongs is adding that he cannot deal with crying girls, and that his boggart is most likely a crying Subject. _

Mr. Padfoot is of the opinion that Mr. Prongs is a full-fledged liar. Mr. Prongs's boggart is a chicken. 

_Seriously?_

****

Yeah, bad childhood experience; I'll tell you later.

__

Anyway, as we just saw, Mr. Prongs and Miss Subject were just berated by the imperial Professor McGonagall, and Mr. Prongs is explaining to Miss Subject that he indeed meant everything he said. 

Wonder if he really does, though?

_Who knows? Li--Subject apparently doesn't believe him, which I guess we will be hearing about later. _

Yeah…Mr. Wormtail wishes to announce that he will be out of the dormitory at the time Mr. Prongs decides to take out all of his frustrations out, lest he start to take them out on Mr. Wormtail again. 

**Oh, come off it, Wormtail, you stopped singing eventually. And the boils are clearing up nicely. **

_ Think Mr. Prongs'll be upset that we're writing in his precious Stalking-Subject-Journal? _

Mr. Padfoot is of the opinion that Mr. Prongs will be thrilled.

***

"Okay, what the hell was that?" Charlotte demanded, following Lily closely as they headed towards Herbology. 

"What was what?" Lily mumbled, watching the floor very closely. 

"Um, shall we act it out for you?" Emily chimed in. 

"That might help," Lily replied coolly, "as I have no idea what you're talking about." 

Charlotte sighed exasperatedly. "Something is going on between you and James Potter, Lily," she said gently, softening her tone, "and we would just like to be aware of what it is."

"There's nothing going on," Lily insisted. "And I thought you were going to act it out?"

Emily flushed. "Well, we would, 'cept we have no clue what you two were saying until he said, 'Well, it's not really a question of whether or not you believe me, I just want--'" 

"And then _you _said, 'What, James? What do you want from me?'" added Charlotte dramatically. 

"Right," Emily nodded. "And then McGonagall yelled at you, which also gives us reason to worry for your sanity. So what were you talking about?" 

Lily surveyed her friends for a moment, debating whether or not she wanted to tell them. Sighing, she said, "I--I'll tell you eventually, but before I tell anyone, I just want to figure out what this all means, all right?"

Emily and Charlotte exchanged glances, then sighed at exactly the same time. This was what Emily liked to call "Twin Synchronization", something they didn't intend to happen. Even if they didn't do it on purpose, it often irritated Lily to no end. Right now was no different. "All right," Charlotte said softly, the expression of disappointment clear on her face. 

***

_Dear Mum, _

Well, I hope you're happy. I have just figured out what you meant when I told you about my dreams, and let me tell you, it is NOT rewarding. It is horrible. 

James Potter is arrogant, pompous, spiteful, cheeky, and…

I hope you know that this is all your fault. YOU made me realize what those stupid dreams really meant…well, that and something James said the other day…

What am I supposed to do? I need to know how to get rid of this. Really. Don't get cryptic on me this time; I don't need any more added stress to my life. Plain English, mother, please.

~Lily

***

James threw his bag onto the floor next to his dresser, stalked over to his bed, and pitched himself forward onto it.

Sirius came in quietly, not really wanting to disturb his friend. James had a good arm, and Sirius really didn't feel like having things thrown at him. "Er, Prongs?" he said carefully. 

"What?" came James's muffled voice. 

"Erm, Quidditch practice?"

James sat up. "All right."

If there was one way to get out his aggressions, it was by playing Quidditch. James reached for his broom as he stood up and hoisted it over his shoulder, grabbing the bag that held his guards and things as he went out the door. Sirius followed him, and they traipsed out to the pitch, the rest of the team catching them up as they went. 

Once on the pitch, James mounted his broom and kicked off, leaving the team behind. James zoomed around the length of the field a total of seven times before slowing down enough for Sirius to catch up to him. 

"Are we supposed to be racing?" Sirius called after him. 

James tossed a smile over his shoulder at his best friend. "I'd like to see you try to beat me," he yelled back, putting on an extra spurt of speed to prove his point. 

"Yeah?"

"Nah," James shouted. "Don't want you to overexert yourself."

Sirius grinned back at his friend, then flew back down to where the rest of the team was waiting impatiently for practice to start. "Yeah," said Sirius, running his hand through his dark hair and smiling, "he won't be down for awhile. You might as well go back up to the castle and do your homework." 

***

A/N: Yeah, I hate this chapter. I'm experiencing a bit of a block (oh, the horror!), but hopefully it'll be gone by next chapter. 

Massive kudos to Professor Bumblebore for noting that I named the twins after the Brontë sisters. I was surprised no one noticed it, because usually people are only too quick to correct me or point something out to me. 

And thanks to everyone who keeps reviewing…they're really great, and the only reason I keep updating so quickly (speaking of which, is there really any need for the death threats if I don't update fast? You know I will anyway, there's no need to resort to violence ;)


	11. Admittance is the First Step to Recovery

Deflating

Chapter Eleven: Admittance is the First Step to Recovery 

***

Lily received her mother's reply three days later, and was most displeased with it's contents:

_My Darling Lily, _

I am going to tell you something that you aren't going to like, but you have to hear it:

You don't need to "get rid" of anything. You need to embrace it. 

James clearly likes you, and now that you've realized that the feeling is mutual, things can only get better, if you'll just let them. You are being stubborn, Lily, just like your father. If James is "pompous, spiteful" and whatever else you wrote, then why do you like him? He must have some redeeming qualities--focus on those, not on the bad things. No one is perfect, sweetheart, and James is no exception. You cannot expect him to be anything more than he is. Accept him as he is--he has for you. 

Love always, 

Mum 

***

Lily stared at the letter in her hands disbelievingly for few moments before tearing it into halves, then quarters, then eighths and scattering the lot of it on her floor. 

"My mother is impossible," Lily muttered. 

"Why?" asked Charlotte from her bed, where she was flipping through _Standard Book of Spells: Grade 7 _lazily. 

Lily was startled; she had quite forgotten Charlotte was even there. "Oh…nothing," she said, ducking her head so that her friend couldn't see her flushing. 

"You've been doing a whole lot of nothing lately," Charlotte commented dryly. "D'you mind if I take a guess at what all this nothing concerns?" 

"Go ahead," Lily said glumly, knowing that Charlotte would guess right off the bat. 

"James Potter," she said matter-of-factly, echoing Lily's thoughts. 

Slowly, Lily nodded. 

Charlotte grinned and pushed her book off of her bed, replacing it with a pillow. "Spill," she ordered.   
Sighing, Lily complied. 

***

"Seriously?" Charlotte said, her voice hollow and soft when Lily had finished. 

"Unfortunately," Lily replied. 

Charlotte whistled. "So what are you going to do?"

"Nothing." 

Charlotte chuckled disbelievingly. "Nothing?" she demanded. _"Nothing?"_

"That's right," Lily responded coolly. 

"You don't do _nothing_ in a situation like this!" Charlotte exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air exasperatedly. "_This _is what most teenage girls dream about!" 

"What is that? A horrible prick claiming to be in love with them?"

"He is _not_ a horrible prick--not anymore, anyway. He must really like you, by the way, to completely make himself over just to get your approval. But you _like_ him, Lily, you do, even if you don't want to admit it." 

"I did admit it," Lily reminded her sullenly. "I just wish I didn't like him, is all." 

"Why?" 

"Why?" Lily repeated. When Charlotte didn't reply, choosing instead to merely stare at her friend questioningly, Lily sighed and said, "Because James is…he's not the kind of boy I usually set my sights on." 

"So? Variety is the spice of life, Lily!" Charlotte proclaimed, grinning. 

"You're not getting it. I'm just…I just don't want him to turn me into one of his girls. I don't want to give in, allow myself to completely fall in love with him, and then have him break it off with me three months later because he got what he wanted." 

Charlotte studied her friend. "He wouldn't do that," she said softly. 

Lily laughed hollowly. "He would," she corrected. "He has before. James is one of those boys who likes the thrill of the chase. But then, once the chase is over, he gets bored." 

"I told you, Lily," Charlotte began patiently, "he really likes you. I don't think he'd do that." 

"But still," Lily said. "I can't let him have the chance." 

"Even if it makes your life miserable?" 

"I'll get over it before that," she declared.

Charlotte smiled. "Lily, I would really love to see you try." 

***

**Monday, 29 January**

_7:35 a.m.: After last Thursday's fiasco with Subject, I am worried about what she's going to do to me once she sees me. I have no idea why she's so upset: I kissed her, I didn't even try to use tongue, I told her I love her, I admitted to her that I knew I am a prick, and then apologized for kissing her. _

I am doing everything right, and it's just backfiring in my face. 

Have come to the logical conclusion that Subject is the most difficult girl on the planet. 

Speaking of Thursday's fiasco, must remember never to leave this in the hands of Padfoot, lest he get antsy to fill his smartass quota in class again. 

Maybe I should go back and read those romance novels…didn't one of her friends say that Subject really wishes some of that sappy stuff can happen to her?

I'll try that. I'll try the sappiest thing I can find. 

Okay, new mission: Get Subject's Romance Novels Away From Her, or Project GSRNAFH, for short. 

Note to self: create more witty, clever, and pronounceable name for Project GSRNAFH. 

Also: be careful not to mention Project GSRNAFH in front of Padfoot-- he's forgotten about me reading those books over Christmas, but if he got wind of this, every person who ever attended this school will know. 

***

__

Lily attempted to avoid James at all costs that day, but as most of the day was spent in his company in classes, most of these attempts were fruitless. Still, James seemed to be walking on eggshells around her as well, so both made it through the day without speaking to the other. 

James spent most of the History of Magic class trying out new names for the Project (including Another Excuse to Rummage Through Lily's Things, My Last-Ditch Attempt at Becoming a Romantic, and Stalking Lily Evans: Part Two), none of which seemed very likely, as none of them were less than five words long, and none of them spelled anything coherent when abbreviated.

Lily spent that class writing a very lengthy and impatient note to her mother, inquiring about her general mental health and telling her that she meant every single adjective she had used to describe James Potter. She also included, without wanting to go into too much detail (she had not told her mother about The Kiss), that James himself agreed that he was a prick. _"If that doesn't prove it to you,_" Lily wrote, _"I really don't know what could." _

The bell rang, and James leapt up from his chair, speeding out of the room after Sirius. Lily smiled as she remained in her desk, signing her letter. If she'd have known that all it took for James to avoid her like the plague was to tell him she didn't believe him, she would have done it a very long time ago. 

Lily stood from her desk, took a few moments to hoist her bag securely, and just as she had it situated nicely on her shoulder, she dropped it. 

That book--that curious, curious book--that James was always writing in…it was lying there on his desk, looking quite lonely. 

_As if a book could look lonely, _Lily thought scornfully at herself. _You're really losing it, Lily. Books are inanimate objects; they do not have expressions…_

While this is certainly not true (there are certain books in the Hogwarts Library that can perform a Shakespearean sonnet for you, if you wish), Lily either didn't know or had forgotten. She inched closer to the book, her curious nature taking over. 

_Just…take it. Take it, and…and give it back to him next class! Yes, that's what I'll do…give it back to him. It's a nice gesture…he'll appreciate it…_

And before she could stop herself, Lily took the book and slipped it into her bag before hurrying off to Potions.

***

James drummed his fingers on the desk in front of him, anxious for class to be over. He'd had an idea for a name for his Project (Romancing the Subject--it wasn't great, it wasn't clever, it wasn't _nearly _up to his usual standards, but it was something he could build off of), and he was desperate to scribble it in his Stalking-Lily-Evans-Journal. The Potions professor preferred practical lessons to written ones, so James couldn't whip out his book and pretend to be copying something down. 

"You're rattling the eyes!" Sirius hissed accusingly, grabbing James's wrist to stop him from tapping the table. 

"What?" James asked distractedly, genuinely confused. 

Sirius pointed to the tiny tray of rattlesnake eyes that lay quite still on the table. James looked up at his best friend quizzically. 

"They were quaking," Sirius said dismissively, releasing James's wrist. "Tremors…looked like they'd spill--" 

"Right," James interrupted. "Right." 

Sirius shot him a look, but turned back to the potion and added the rattlesnake eyes before James could threaten their existence any further. 

***

"It's gone," James whispered hoarsely at dinner. 

"What?" Remus asked, immediately alarmed. "The map?"

James shook his head. "Sirius has the map. My…my…"

"Manhood?" suggested Sirius, who had gone ashen face at James's insistence that he had the map and was now scavenging his own bag for the map. 

Remus made a face; Peter sniggered, James didn't even look affected. "My _book," _he said quietly. 

The faces of the remaining three Marauders fell. 

***

A/N: ::grin:: Cliffhangers are fun. 

I certainly have a thing for writing at all hours of the night…it's 1:00 a.m. again, and here I am, writing, because I know I won't be able to sleep until I finish this. I'm a sad, pathetic little thing, aren't I? 

I have coined a term for my updating habits: compulsive updating syndrome. Yep, that's right: not only am I a compulsive drinker (I'll drink anything in front of me without realizing I'm doing it; 'cept alcohol, I'm not quite legal, thanks ;), I'm also a compulsive writer. ::sigh:: 


	12. A Subject Called Lily

Deflating

Chapter Twelve: A Subject Called Lily 

***

Lily stared at the book in her hands, furious at herself. She hadn't given it back to James in Potions, as she had vowed she would when she found it. Her own curiosity had taken over, and the book had remained in her bag until now. 

It was twilight, and Lily was in her dormitory, debating the pros and cons of reading the book. On one hand, she reasoned, James had left it unattended in the classroom. It was his fault if he was thick enough to just leave it behind. 

On the other hand, it was a very, very personal object. Had she actually been able to keep one, Lily would have been extremely upset if someone had taken her diary and read it without her permission. 

_I should take it back, _Lily thought regretfully, actually standing to go to the boys' dormitory and give it to him. 

Suddenly, a thought came to her… 

_'He wouldn't do that to you. He really likes you._'

__

Surely reading this would prove everyone wrong: Charlotte, her mother, her stupidly romantic self … surely the nefarious finer points of James Potter's courting of her would be in this book, in his handwriting, plain as day. That would probably be enough to completely cancel out her feelings for him.

Lily bit her lip, took a step back, fell onto her bed, and opened up the book.

***

James was going a little bit crazy.

He was frantic, turning his room inside out, looking for that book. He was sick with worry that someone--namely, Lily--might find the book and discover _very important details _in there.

"Where did I put it?" he hissed to himself as he emptied the contents of his bag onto the floor by his bed. He riffled through various pieces of Quidditch paraphernalia, old homework papers, schoolbooks, a chess piece (he had no idea how that had gotten in there and didn't much care at the moment), the Marauder's Map (he'd have to give that to Sirius as he was very scared that he had lost the thing), and some broken quills--but no book. 

James groaned and threw himself onto his bed, a sinking feeling in his stomach. 

***

Lily read through James's book in a state of disbelief. 

He was _stalking_ her. She had a _stalker. _

That was incredibly weird…and unsettling…what if he was watching her _now_? And the way he didn't write out her name, choosing to write _Subject_ instead was very off-putting --she was a _person, _not a cluster of _fungi_ in a petri dish. He had to be really, really thick if he thought that she wasn't going to figure out that he was writing about her; every one of their encounters were meticulously recorded in this book. Even if she, for whatever reason, hadn't realized it from just her memory, Remus had slipped up and written her name once.

However offending this journal was, it was also endlessly fascinating, in the same way that a car accident is interesting: you know you aren't supposed to be entertained by it, but you can't stop watching it anyway. James's thoughts, however scattered and unsettling, were intriguing in themselves, if just from a scholarly point of view. As Lily was most noticeably female, she didn't know how a boy's brain worked, just like James obviously hadn't the foggiest clue how a girl's functioned. But it was interesting to see his horribly misguided guesses.

Lily glanced at the clock on Emily's nightstand (she really needed to get one of her own) and noted that it was only 9:30. There was a very good chance that James was still down in the common room with his pretty little friends. 

She smirked. Confrontation time was always fun. Especially now that she had some really good blackmail _(there _was an oxymoron) against James.

Lily hid the book behind her back as she descended the girls' staircase, trying to hold back a smile. She spotted Sirius Black and Remus Lupin playing chess in front of the fireplace and Peter Pettigrew frowning over a book, but no James. Lily moved the book further behind her back and approached Sirius and Remus, wanting to leave Peter alone while he did his homework. 

"Hello," she said pleasantly to them, offering a smile. 

Remus captured one of Sirius's pawns; his bishop threw it violently from the board and cackled with mirth. "Can I help you with something?" Remus asked, now looking up from the board. 

"Actually," Lily replied, fighting the smile again, "you can. Mind telling me where James is?" 

"You found the book," Sirius said immediately. 

Lily frowned. "What book?" she inquired innocently, suddenly wishing she had her wand so she could Vanish said book. 

Remus smiled. "The one behind your back." 

"Really, Lily," Sirius added. "Get more creative next time, please. You're seriously insulting our intelligence. And ask someone else where our dear friend Prongs is." 

"What did you think of it?" Remus asked. 

"Think of the book?" Lily said rhetorically. "I'm not going to tell _you._ Tell me where James is." 

"He's right here," came James's voice from behind her. Lily pivoted to face him, and almost laughed at his appearance: he had smears of ink all over his face and hands, his hair was positively everywhere, and his glasses were askew. James took his spectacles off now and cleaned them with the bottom of his sweater. "I see you have my book. I assume you read it?" He replaced the frames on the bridge of his nose.

"That's a fair assumption," Lily replied calmly. 

"Do you understand why I said I loved you, then?" 

Lily was taken aback; having read this journal, she expected James to act differently than he was. "No," she said abruptly, without really thinking on the matter. "I don't think I'll ever understand that," she added carefully, mentally reprimanding herself for the harshness with which the rushed reply was said. 

James nodded and took a step closer to her; on impulse, she took a step back. James smirked. "Relax," he said. "I'm not going to kiss you." 

Lily felt her face growing red. "I--I'm not--" she stammered, wondering furiously why she suddenly was tripping all over herself. James arched an eyebrow at this as well, and Lily was reminded in that instant of the cocky, impossibly egocentric prick that James used to be--_still is, _Lily fiercely pointed out to herself as he brushed past her.

"So," James said coolly, settling himself on the sofa where Peter was sitting, "did you enjoy laughing at my expense?" 

Lily was confused. "What?" 

"Well, obviously, you would find it entertaining that I would spend all that time watching you, recording silly little details about you, trying to learn everything about you? You would think it funny, wouldn't you, that I held onto a silly schoolboy crush on a girl that feels nothing but contempt for me for three years?" James genuinely seemed to be questioning her, like he really wanted to know. His thick eyebrows were raised, so high that they disappeared beneath his black fringe. 

"No!" Lily insisted, horrified that he thought that of her. "No, I don't think that at all." 

James smirked again, something Lily was surprised to see. "Oh, so you fell in love with my rakish wit?"

All pity for him immediately subsided. "No," she said, then added, smiling, "That was pricky."

"Bad luck, Prongs," Sirius spoke up from the fireplace, where he was losing his game steadily.

Lily ignored him. "No," she repeated. "I was angry. I was mad that you could refer to me like I was some form of bacteria under a microscope and not as a person."

"Point taken," James said. "But it was only a security precaution. I see you as a person." 

"A security precaution?" Lily repeated again. "Remus here gave you away. And it was only too obvious; anyone who knows us would've figured out it was me." 

"Told you," Sirius interjected satisfactorily. 

James shot him a dark look, then turned his attention back to Lily. He sighed and said, "Look, Lily, I'm really sorry. I'm sorry, first of all, that you even got a hold of that. But now I'm more sorry that you are denying everything you feel just because of your pride." 

Lily, who had been looking at the floor, jerked her head up to face him. Her face was losing color. "What?" 

James smiled. "If I were to ask you out, right here, right now, what would you say?" 

"I would tell you to shove it up your arse," Lily said, blood pounding in her ears. 

James continued to smile, infuriatingly so. "Yes, I suppose you would," he replied calmly. "Mind giving me back my book?" 

"Promise never to write in it again?" 

"Can't promise that," James said. "But I can promise that I'll never refer to you as Subject again." 

Lily stared at him. "Okay," she agreed reluctantly, passing him the book. 

***

James was sitting on his bed in his room, grinning, when Sirius came bursting in. 

"What was _that?" _Sirius demanded. 

"What was what?" James asked innocently. 

"Your cute little heart-to-heart with Lily. 'You're denying what you're feeling', or something like that." 

James smiled. "That," he said, "was the greatest bluff I've ever come up with."

***

A/N: I am shocked. Really. Saturday night, when I posted chapter 11, I had 299 reviews. Tonight (1:23 a.m., I really can't kick this habit), as I'm posting chapter 12, I have 389. 

You. Guys. Are. Delusional. 

THANK YOU SO, SO MUCH!!! I am thrilled and completely surprised, and please keep reviewing!! 

And now, in reply to those reviews:

Of course cliffhangers are fun! I'm glad you liked my Compulsive Updating Syndrome. Unfortunately, I am apparently the only one in all of fandom who is afflicted with it. ::sigh:: I personally think it's sad, but there you are.


	13. Formation of a Plan

Deflating

Chapter Thirteen: Formation of a Plan

***

Lily sat on her bed, desperately trying to assure herself that James was only being his stupid, pompous, pricky self, and that he actually didn't have a clue what she was currently fighting. He _couldn't _know. 

_"What would you say if I asked you out, right here, right now?"_

Well, it was a good thing that he hadn't asked her, because she really didn't know what she would say. Lily was terrified that she might've, stupidly, without thinking, said yes, had he actually asked her. 

Lily was making a list of the horrible things that would happen if she agreed to go out with James when Charlotte came into the room, frowning. 

"Do you have 'Muggles: A Society of Non-Magic Beings'?" she asked. 

"I don't take Muggle Studies," Lily replied. "Don't they have it in the library?" 

"Someone checked it out. Anyway, what's wrong with you? You look like you just lost your best friend," Charlotte said, going to her bed and flopping down on it. 

Lily sighed. "Am I being over-dramatic?" she asked. 

"I don't know," Charlotte responded. "I don't even know what you could be over-dramatic about, so why don't you tell me?" 

Lily recounted the story of that night's events, and Charlotte listened attentively. "But I'm worried about what might have happened if…if he _did_ ask me, and I was stupid enough to say yes. Because it'll happen again," Lily said, to finish the story. "He'll ask me again. And I just don't know what to do when it does." 

Charlotte smiled. "Okay, you _are_ being over-dramatic," she said. "Lily, James _likes_ you. I've told you this before, and so has he. You _like _him, no matter how much you hate it, it's true. What is the worst could happen?" 

"I _told_ you," Lily said, gritting her teeth, "he could ditch me for some stupid bint." 

"But who's to say he will? Just give him a chance, Lily."

***

"A bluff, huh?" asked Remus interestedly. "That was a big gamble, James." 

James smiled. "It was, wasn't it? But it worked." 

"How so?" said Peter, leaning over the edge of his bed to open his trunk. 

"Well, you saw her face when I said that she was denying her feelings, didn't you?"

Sirius snickered. "Went white as a ghost." 

"Exactly. She loves me," James declared firmly. "And plus, she was so surprised I even avoided a lecture. Admit it, my friends: I am amazing."

"Don't get cocky," Remus warned. "You could be wrong."

"_Wrong?"_ James echoed incredulously. "Moony, I could tell by the way she looked when I promised I wasn't going to kiss her!"

Peter smirked. "Well, you know, Prongs, if I can just refresh your memory, the last time you kissed her, it didn't go so well." 

The other three Marauders burst into snickers as Peter passed around Licorice Wands and Pumpkin Pasties from his trunk as James frowned. 

***

Lily forced herself to go to bed. She pulled the blankets over her head, immersed herself in their smothering warmth, and tried to sleep. Her eyes were squinted shut, her breathing slow and even, but the sleep didn't come. 

This was so _unsettling. _All she wanted to do was forget that she had ever laid eyes on that stupid boy, and he was making it so hard for her to do so. 

_He's not even that good looking, _Lily told herself. _He's skinny, and he wears glasses, and has he combed his hair anytime this century? And his personality…he's a bullying, arrogant, pompous--oh, wait, 'pompous' and 'arrogant' mean the same thing--smirking, scathing, cheeky--does that mean the same thing as 'pompous' and 'arrogant'?--prat. Really, Lily. You can get over him. I don't even know how I came to like him in the first place. _

Really, I can get over him. He just has to…let me. 

Stricken, Lily sat up, allowing the blankets to slide from her head and fall neatly on her lap. "That's it," she whispered to herself. 

This was so _simple, _why hadn't she realized it before? If James would leave her alone, she would be able to distance herself from him, and completely remove all mentions of him from her memory. So she had to tell him to leave her alone--and really mean it. Really.

***

"So," Sirius said, reaching for a pile of Chocolate Frogs and pulling the whole lot of it towards him, "what are you going to do with this newfound knowledge? Blackmail?"

James considered this for a moment. Then, a smile broke across his face, alighting his eyes with that same mischief that was always apparent when he had a new idea for a prank. "Better than blackmail," he said. 

Sirius chortled. "What's better than blackmail, Prongs?"

"Nothing's better than blackmail," Peter assured him, stealing a Frog. 

"I'm going to continue on with my previous plan." 

"What's that?" Sirius asked. "Making a complete arse of yourself?"

James didn't even seem to take offense at this quip; in fact, it did not seem that he had even heard it. "I'm going to make it impossible for her to turn me down." 

"By making a complete arse of yourself?" Remus volunteered, picking up a discarded Frog card and examining it closely, squinting his eyes and holding it up to the light to see it better.

"Not quite," James said, scratching his head. "I am going to become irresistible." 

Sirius choked on a Licorice Wand. "Oh, James," he said through hacking coughs as Remus pounded him on the back unenthusiastically, still reading the back of the Frog card, "don't say things like that when I have food in my mouth."

James stared at his friend crossly. "What are you implying?"

"I'm not _implying _anything," Sirius said. "I'm _telling _you that you aren't the irresistible type." He shrugged and smiled. "Sorry, Prongs. It just can't be taught."

"And what type am _I_?" 

"You are the…the…_romantic. _You're the…God, I don't know!" Sirius exclaimed exasperatedly, as Peter and Remus had just dissolved into sniggering fits. "I'm not good at this kind of thing!"

"So do not bother to add your opinion," James said primly. Ignoring Sirius mimicking him, James then turned to Remus and said, "Moony, what route do you suggest I go? Flowers? Candy? Compliments? Naughty lingerie?"

"Compliments would be a start," Remus replied, reaching for another Frog card. "Ugh, Agrippa, I already have twelve of her." He tossed the card in Sirius's general direction. 

"What kind of compliments?" 

"Prongs, do I have to hold your hand through all of this?" Remus asked irritably. 

"Just until I get her going out with me. After that, I will never need your help again. What kind of compliments?" 

"Nothing vulgar," Remus said, eyeing Sirius warily. "Something nice, like, 'Lily, your hair looks nice this morning,' or, 'Lily, good job answering those questions in Charms.'" 

James nodded slowly, apparently taking these things in. "Okay, but what if I don't like the way her hair looks?" 

"If you love her like you say you do, you should _always_ like the way her hair looks."

"Can I say, 'Lily, your arse looks smashing in that skirt'?" 

Remus shot him a withering glare. 

"So that's a _firm_ no," James noted, nodding. 

***

A/N: I promise, the next chapter will be longer. _Much_ longer. I'm afraid I was hit with a major case of The Block this morning, but with the aid of my rediscovered Destiny's Child CD, that spell was broken. 

Sometimes you just need the right music. ;) 

Thanks again for the reviews; they make me feel so special. Keep them coming, please! 

So, due to my Compulsive Updating Syndrome, I will see you tomorrow! 


	14. Confrontation

Deflating

Chapter Fourteen: Confrontation 

***

James strode determinedly into the Great Hall and scanned it's contents for Lily. He spotted her, sitting alone at the end of the Gryffindor table, eating porridge and reading a book she had propped up against a bottle of ketchup. He took a good look at her hair. She had it in two neat little plaits, and had taken strands out to frame her face. Okay. That was good. He could tell Lily that her hair looked nice and not have to cross his fingers behind his back.

When someone is watching you, you tend to notice. Lily looked up from her book and met James's eyes across the hall. The tiniest traces of a smile lit up her face, and James took that as an invitation to join her. He crossed the room to where she was sitting as she closed her book. 

"Good morning," he said pleasantly, taking the seat next to her. James reached for the platter of eggs in front of Lily and, remembering what he had come here for, added, "You look lovely today." 

He sneaked a look at her expression, which was surprised. "Er--thank you," Lily replied, the shock quite evident in her voice. "Can--can I talk to you?"

Smirking, James said, "You are talking."

Lily sighed irritably. "Much as I love reminiscing about all of our past meetings, I did enough of it last night to last me a lifetime." 

To be quite honest, James had completely forgotten about Lily reading the book. He flushed a little and shoveled eggs onto his plate. "Oh," he mumbled, replacing the platter to it's place on the table. "That." 

"That's not what I--I wanted to talk about, actually," Lily said. 

James looked up from his plate, where he was adding liberal amounts of salt and pepper to his eggs, and repeated lamely, "Oh?" 

"Yes." Lily bit her lip. "I wanted to ask you--" 

"D'you mind if I use some of that ketchup?" James interrupted. 

Lily stared at him, startled. "What?" 

"The ketchup," James repeated, pointing to the bottle in front of her. "Are you using it?" 

"Well, no." James reached over and took it from her as she looked on helplessly. "James, I would kind of like for you to focus on…on what I'm trying to--" 

"Thanks," James interjected, handing her the ketchup again. 

"What are you giving me this for?"

"Oh. Sorry." James reached over and took the bottle from her hand again and replaced it in front of her. "There. Now, you were saying…?" He looked up at her inquiringly as he shoveled a forkful of eggs, doused in ketchup, into his mouth. 

Lily stared at him in amazement, then appeared to come to her senses, shaking her head. "I--I was trying to say that…that…" 

James now was topping a piece of buttered toast with his ketchup-covered eggs. "Go on," he prodded to Lily, folding the toast over itself and taking a bite.

"That is disgusting," Lily proclaimed, watching him eat with her nose wrinkled. 

"It's an egg sandwich." 

"Yes, I know, and it's disgusting. You don't put ketchup on bread." 

"I'm not putting ketchup on bread," James corrected with his mouth full. "I'm putting ketchup on toast." 

"Toast is bread that has been zapped," Lily snapped. 

"Well, you said that you don't put ketchup on bread. You said nothing about bread that has been zapped. And zapped really isn't a very accurate description of how you make toast, is it?"

Lily was amazed how easily she could be pulled off-topic. "How do _you_ make toast, then?" 

"Well, I put it in a toaster. I don't just point at a piece of bread and say, 'Zap'!" James glanced curiously at her. "_Can_ you just point at a piece of bread and say, 'Zap!' to get toast?" 

"I don't think so," Lily replied, sighing. This was not going nearly the way she wanted it to. 

James smiled and took another bite of his sandwich. "Want some?" he asked her abruptly, as she was still watching him eat with a look of plain distaste. 

"What?" Lily demanded, completely surprised. 

James waved his half-eaten sandwich at her. "Just a sampling? It's delicious…." 

"Get that away from me." 

James grinned and wafted it under her nose. "It's calling you. Do you hear it? It's saying…Lilllliee.…_Liiiilllllliieeee.…"_

"You are so immature, you know that?" Lily said, but a smile was threatening to turn up at the corners of her mouth. "And I am _trying_ to tell you something…"

"Eat the sandwich."

"What?"

"Eat the sandwich and I will listen to anything and everything you have to say. Go on," he nudged the sandwich towards her. 

Sighing irritably again, Lily leaned over and bit into the sandwich. "There," she said while chewing. "I ate some. Now you have to listen…" She chewed thoughtfully. "Wow," she muttered, wiping the corners of her mouth with her finger, "that is…that's kind of wonderful."

"See, see?" James said triumphantly, popping the last of it into his mouth. "Now, what is it you wanted to tell me?" 

Lily looked up at him, and met his gaze, holding it for at least fifteen seconds before looking away and muttering, "Nothing. Nothing at all." She flashed him a weak smile and stirred her porridge.

He did not catch the expression of self-loathing on her face.

***

****

Wednesday, 31 January 

**_Approximately 8:30 a.m.: _**Lily (that is so strange to write) is holding something back from me, and I don't know what it could possibly be. 

She made this big song and dance about how I was not listening to her this morning at breakfast, then when I said that I was finally feeling attentive, she wouldn't tell me whatever it was. 

I think she was going to admit that she is desperately in love with me and wants to have my baby, but then backed out at the very last minute. 

Well, I have decided that I am going to make it easy for her. 

I'm going to ask her out. 

Padfoot is laughing. 

Yes, again, you stupid cretin. 

***

Lily cursed herself as she walked to Transfiguration that morning. She had been _so close, _and then she had chickened out at the last minute. Well, James had been so…_nice._ That was just typical: she wanted to tell him to bugger off and he seemed determined to flatter her and make her laugh

And the most horribly unfair part of it was, he had succeeded. And also, he had turned her on to egg-and-ketchup sandwiches. 

"I'll do it at lunch," she told herself under her breath, sliding into a seat exactly three rows and seven seats away from James. "At lunch." 

Right. At lunch. 

***

At the aforementioned lunch, Lily found herself sandwiched between Emily, Charlotte, and Sirius, with James, Remus and Peter, across from her. How this had happened, she had no idea. As she ate her ham sandwich, she watched James, wondering how she was going to introduce the topic--if she could actually get James alone. 

It was almost like James knew what she was trying to will herself to do and was blocking her every opportunity to do it. Lily scowled at this thought, realizing that this was probably very likely. Charlotte knew about her plans--for the most part; she didn't know about the latest course of action, but could figure it out if she wanted to--and was very adamant about Lily giving James a chance, so she could've tipped him off. Lily made a mental note to ask Charlotte about this later. 

Everyone else was talking merrily about Quidditch or some other obscure topic, when James suddenly interrupted, "Lily, can I talk to you outside for a minute?" 

Surprised, but also glad that James had (unwittingly, no doubt) given her a chance to put her plan into action, Lily threw her napkin onto her plate and stood. "Sure." 

He led her by the elbow out of the Hall, coming to a stop by the large marble staircase. He leaned against the railing, and she took a seat facing him on the bottom step. 

"What did you want to tell me this morning?" James asked. 

"Oh," Lily said. "Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?" 

"Partially. It has something to do with that." 

Lily nodded slowly, trying to decide where to begin. "Remember, at the end of sixth year, when I told you I would only go out with you if you changed? If you stopped being a prick?" 

"Yeah," James replied. "How--?" 

Lily interrupted softly, "I'd really appreciate it if you just let me talk, because this is…well, I just want you to listen." 

"Okay," James said, shrugging, and taking a seat next to her. She stiffened visibly, but sucked in a breath. 

"You have gotten better," Lily said, concentrating very hard on her shoes. "You've gotten a lot better. I'm almost proud of you, in a very strange way. But I still felt contempt towards you; you annoyed me, and I felt like I couldn't stand to be in the same room with you and your giant head for too long." 

"Gee, Lily, you sure know how to make a guy feel special, don't you?" James muttered derisively. 

"James," Lily said, almost pleadingly. "Number one, you knew my feelings for you, and number two, you promised you wouldn't interrupt." 

James nodded, and Lily returned her gaze to the floor, while James concentrated exclusively on the expressions on her face as she spoke, "But then I started having those dreams. And I couldn't understand what they meant, and as much as I tried to convince myself that they meant nothing--and you did too-- I knew that they meant...something. I just didn't know what it was." She inhaled very shakily, but continued, "I talked to my mother about them, and all she would tell me was that I knew what they meant, but I was refusing to see it, and that she liked you." 

James furrowed his brow at this, not really understanding how that pertained to the story. 

"I wasn't very happy about that, because it infuriated me that she was holding something back from me that I was trying so hard to understand. But then I got it." Lily met James's eyes. "Do you? Do you…get where I'm going with this?" 

"No," James replied honestly. "No, I don't."

"Yes, you do," Lily said, chuckling a little. "You're just trying to make me say it." 

James shrugged. "Believe what you want, but you're going to have to say it anyway." 

Lily lowered her eyes, so that she was staring intently at his shoulder and blushing furiously. "I had…_have_ fallen for you."

While James had fantasized about this moment, he had never quite expected it to be like this. He had always assumed that she would never really admit it; that he would just ask her out, she'd say yes, and that would be the end of it. But her _admitting_ to her feelings…that was major. That was incredible. "Lily--" he began, but she cut him off. 

"I'm not finished," she said. "Of course, I cannot stand for those kinds of feelings." 

The birds stopped singing, the violinists stopped playing, the fireworks fizzled. _"What?"_

Lily lifted her chin. "Well, you see, that's what I wanted to tell you this morning. I don't want to…to feel this way. So, to get rid of it, you have to leave me alone. Stop talking to me. Pretend I don't exist." 

"And I should do this because…?" 

"Because, James," she said impatiently. "I don't _want_ to feel romantically inclined towards you. That is just disaster waiting to happen." 

"Why is that?" 

"Because, I…I just don't want to. That should be good enough for you." 

"Unfortunately, it isn't, so would you mind giving me the entire reason?" 

Lily bit her lip. "Do you promise not to get all defensive?" 

"No," James responded flatly. 

"I'm just afraid…if I _do_ go with you, you'll get bored with me because you got what you wanted, cheat on me with some stupid blonde bint, and then ditch me." 

James sniggered. Lily stared at him, feeling quite unappreciative of this response. "May I ask what's funny?" Lily asked coldly. 

"Okay, Lily, let me ask you something: how many girls have I dated this year?"

Lily scrunched up her nose. "I'm sorry, James, I guess I forgot to renew my subscription to your newsletter, because I am completely clueless as to your current dating habits." 

"That's quite all right," James replied, undaunted. "I'll answer it for you: I have had no dates this year." 

"Should I feel sorry for you?" 

"No. Do you know _why_ I haven't had any dates this year?" 

"You ran out of girls?" Lily guessed irritably. 

"I was waiting for _you._ Do you really and honestly think that, after all that work in trying to get you to like me, I would just throw it away?"

Lily was quiet; while Charlotte had pointed this out to her, it was different hearing it come from James. It sounded much more like he was telling the truth. When Charlotte told it, Lily only heard her best friend trying to comfort her. 

He continued, "I won't leave you alone, no matter how much you want me to. I will keep chasing after you until the day I die." He stood up and tugged on one of her braids. "Sorry, dear, but you're stuck with me." 

***

A/N: Nooooooo!!!!! So, so, so sorry for the people who read 14 late last night; I posted the wrong one! That one had the angst-y, soap-opera-ish ending!!! This one is much better. 


	15. Opposite Magnets

Deflating 

Chapter Fifteen: Opposite Magnets

***

Lily had no choice but to go back into the Great Hall, as lunch wasn't going to be over for another twenty five minutes. She remained about six feet behind James while they walked. They separated at the head of the table and went back to their respective seats.

Charlotte and Emily looked at Lily quizzically, and the Marauders mumbled questions, but neither James nor Lily responded to them. James whipped out his Stalking-Lily-Evans journal and started scribbling while Lily glared at him. 

"I told you not to write in that," she said. 

James didn't look up, but kept writing. "I'm sorry, Lily, but I am my own person, and can do what I like, with or without your _permission._ And all we agreed on was that I was not going to refer to you as Subject. If you'll look at this page, it does not say Subject anywhere on it." 

Lily sulked for the remainder of lunch.

***

****

More Wednesday, January 31

__

12:15 p.m.: Sub--LILY is a sadistic bitch. 

I'm quite serious. 

Okay, so I was right: she is head-over-heels in love with me, this is true. But just when she gets all my hopes up, and I start picturing her in a wedding dress (no comments from the peanut gallery, I already know how stupid and mid-life crisis this is, thanks), she informs me that, while I have convinced her that I am a worthy candidate for her future husband (the only candidate, as far as I know) she'd rather have someone else. 

What. The. Hell?

So now I have to completely sweep her off her feet. 

Oh, wait…

Valentine's Day. I completely forgot.   
Well, I have two weeks to plan this. 

Any ideas, gentlemen?

***

**Still Wednesday, January 31**

_Approximately 1:25 p.m._

Mr. Padfoot would like to offer a suggestion for Mr. Prongs's Valentine's Day date with Miss Lily. 

__

Do I want to hear this or should I just tell you to shove it in advance?

****

It would most benefit you to listen. 

__

Does this plan involve chocolate covered strawberries, whipped cream, and Lily in a black lace teddy? 

It might. 

__

I don't want to hear it. Or should I say read it? 

****

See what you did, Moony?! And you were wrong: the teddy was red, and there were no chocolate covered strawberries--there _was, _however, a heart-shaped hot tub... You know, to go with the whole Valentine's Day theme? 

__

It's something Lily would most certainly never agree to. I suggest that Mr. Prongs go the route of leading her into the Room of Requirement and having a dinner set up there or something. 

Well, that's just stupid. 

__

I think it's nice. 

****

Fine, side with him. Take the stereotypical Valentine's Day, sap-filled dinner. 

__

I intend to. 

****

But mine is more fun. Admit it, Prongs, you'd find something to do with whipped cream and a teddy. 

__

I'm burning this paper. 

***

"Well, you know where you went wrong, don't you?" Charlotte said once back up in their room, after Lily had recounted the whole story to Charlotte and a very surprised Emily, who had no idea of what Lily had been internally combating, as Lily and her sister had neglected to tell her. 

"By meeting the stupid prick in the first place?" 

"No," Charlotte contended, "no, by telling him how you felt. Now he most definitely won't leave you alone. Now, he'll double his efforts, I expect." 

Emily chimed in, "Yeah, next thing you know, he'll be proposing to you by the lake." 

Lily's eyes widened in horror. "He wouldn't be that stupid, do you think?" 

Charlotte shot daggers at her sister. "No. Lily, would it be terribly redundant of me to tell you that you just need to give him a chance?" 

"Yes," Lily spat. "Yes, it would, so _stop it._" 

"So what are you going to do if you won't give in?" Emily asked, chewing on a strand of her hair. 

Lily shrugged. "I don't know, just keep doing what I'm doing. Don't do that, Emily, that's gross."

Scowling, Emily dutifully removed the strand of hair from her mouth. "So, explain it to me, Lily," she said, "what exactly _are_ you doing?" 

"What do you mean?" Lily asked slowly. 

"Well, you're giving him very mixed signals. This morning at breakfast? Yeah, you _shared _breakfast with him. That was a very flirtatious thing to do." 

"I didn't _share_ breakfast with him! You're making it sound like we were feeding each other strawberries on a balcony while we watched the sodding sun come up! I took a bite of his sandwich because he wouldn't let me talk until I did!"

"And your speech when he _did_ let you talk," Emily said solemnly, "was just phenomenal. How _do _you prepare for such scintillating discussion? Stand silent in front of the mirror?"

Lily glared. "Telling James Potter that you like him--no, telling James Potter _anything_ is a very difficult thing to do, because you're always worried that you might have to hit him in front of the teachers. So I'm sorry if I waited a little too long for your preference, Emily."

***

****

Tuesday, February 6

Eight Days Until V-Day

__

Does anyone else notice how much "V-Day" sounds like "D-Day?"

_Am very nervous about said day…I mean, the Room of Requirement is custom made for things like this, but what if someone else had the same idea? What if we walk in on…I don't know…someone shagging, for the love of God? Then Lily will think I led her straight into a sodding orgy. And then she will slap me and run off sobbing, and it'll be al over school that James Potter likes to watch other people in the middle of a shag session._

Oh my God, this is going to blow up in my face.

Moony, help me, I think I'm having premature heart flutters.

***

Lily was in History of Magic, trying to make herself pay attention when a piece of parchment sailed over her head and landed cleanly on her desk. 

Glancing at James, as she knew it was he who had sent it, Lily unfolded the parchment and read:

__

Meet me in the Common Room tomorrow night at 9. 

Lily sighed. What _now?_

***

A/N: You guys are funny…I make you wait one day, and you act like I've pulled a JKR on you. I can almost promise you that it won't happen again, as I have nothing better to do. There was just good TV on yesterday ;) Further proof that I have no life. Feel sorry for me. 


	16. Redeeming Qualities

Deflating

Chapter Sixteen: Redeeming Qualities

***

Lily stood in the Common Room, which was full to the bursting, feeling very stupid. It was twenty minutes after nine, and James Potter was nowhere to be seen. She had already asked Remus, Sirius, and Peter where their comrade was--individually, in case one of them let it slip without the other two jabbing him in the ribs. Unfortunately for Lily, the three had only told her to be patient, not to worry her 'pretty little head' about where her 'knight in shining armor' was, and that James had sworn them to secrecy where his whereabouts were concerned. 

Thus, Lily stood expectantly beside the announcement board, monitoring her watch, her anger mounting. This was very offensive; she had half a mind to turn right around and go upstairs. She was not _about_ to be stood up by James Potter, if anything, she was going to do the standing up…

Lily glanced down at her watch again. 9:25. This was so stupid, why was she still hanging around? That would give off the impression that she was so desperate for a date with him she'd wait around all night…she was _not _desperate, and she was not going to stand around all night for him…and she didn't even think of this as a date. Why was she referring to it as a date? It wasn't a date.

Sighing exasperatedly, Lily turned around and stormed up the steps leading up to the girls' dormitories. 

"Going somewhere?" Sirius Black's voice immediately called after her. 

"I'm going to bed," Lily told him without turning around. "I am not about to wait around for your stupid friend all night." 

"Now, now," came a different voice, clicking his tongue, "that's not a very nice way to refer to someone who has come to sweep you off of your feet." 

Lily turned around now, prepared to yell at James for being pricky, but stopped once she saw him. 

He was holding a small cluster of white daisies, and smiling sheepishly. She had never seen him looking so nervous, as James was usually a very self-assured person. The condescending tone of voice he'd used just two seconds earlier didn't match his expression. Right now, he looked like a very small boy who had just picked a bunch of flowers from his next door neighbor's garden and was offering them to his mother in the hopes of escaping punishment.

"Did you get those for me?" Lily asked, pointing to the flowers. 

James looked down at the daisies. "Ah, no," he said. "Actually, these are for Moony, it's been so long since he's had a date, and I figured I should probably get him something so he wouldn't feel left out." He grinned, and extended the flowers to her. 

Lily descended the steps again, fully aware that most everyone was watching her, and feeling very self conscious suddenly. "That is absolutely charming," she said when she reached him, closing her hand over the flowers and taking them from him, examining each petal. 

"The flowers?" James asked hopefully.

"Well, yes, actually." Lily lifted her eyes to him and allowed the smallest of smiles. "But don't get too happy; I'm not altogether pleased with you being so late." 

James reddened a little. "Ah, well, I had to make sure…you'll see when we get there. Shall we go, then?" He said all of this very quickly. 

"All right," Lily said, realizing that the conversation was very stiff and probably not at all entertaining to the group of people watching. This made her laugh for some reason, and as James led her out of the portrait hole, he shot her a quizzical glance. 

"Can I ask what's funny?" he inquired. 

Lily shook her head and regained herself. "Nothing. Nothing's funny."

James shot her an odd look, but kept walking, and she followed. They kept walking up three flights of stairs, silently, until Lily paused and asked cautiously, "James?" 

"Yeah?" James replied, beginning to ascend still another flight of stairs. 

"Do you even know where you're going?"

James turned to look at her, smiling widely. "'Course I do," he said. "I don't know about you, but walking around the castle--within curfew, mind you-- is not my idea of a good time. Now, _after_ curfew is a different story. We'll try that next time." 

"Next time? What makes you so sure there'll _be _a next time?" 

James shrugged, but that smile remained evident on his face. 

"What floor are we on? I've lost count." 

"Seventh," James replied shortly. "We're almost there." 

"Almost _where?"_ Lily persisted, and James suddenly stopped walking. 

He turned and smiled. "Here." He motioned to the tapestry of an unfortunate fellow named Barnabas the Barmy being clubbed by a rather raucous group of trolls, whom he had been trying to train to be prima ballerinas. 

Lily wheeled around to face James, the expression of confusion evident on her face. Her eyebrows knitted together, and she was frowning. "Well, James, romantic as this is--" 

James sighed exasperatedly, gripped her shoulders, and spun her roughly so that she was facing the blank wall opposite the tapestry. "Now," he said, and she was all too aware of how close he was to her. The last time he'd been this close, he'd kissed her. Thinking about this, Lily immediately tensed. "We're going to walk three times past that wall--" 

"What?" Lily interrupted harshly, but James shushed her. 

__

"Listen. Walk past it three times and think that you need a place to eat dinner." 

Lily inclined her head to meet his eyes, her eyebrows raised quizzically. 

"Trust me," James said softly. "I promise, I'm not leading you into…an orgy or anything." He blushed at this, and Lily figured that this was some sort of private joke between him and his friends that she would never understand even if she asked, so she didn't. 

After shooting him one last skeptical look, Lily crossed the hallway and walked the length of the wall three times, thinking, as James had instructed, _I need a place to eat dinner. _

And after the third time, large door appeared in the middle of the wall, glossy with polish. Lily gasped in surprise, and James grinned. 

"Where did that come from?" Lily demanded, pointing to the door. 

"From you," James replied, joining her next to it. "Shall we go in?"

"I--" Lily began, but she was cut off when James opened the door, and her mouth dropped open, shocked for the second time in less than three minutes. 

Behind the door was a large, round room. The walls and carpet were colored the same shade of red, reminiscent of wine. There was a table in the middle of the room, with two chairs on either side, clothed in a white lace tablecloth. A vase of long stemmed red roses sat in the middle, dotted with lilies, which Lily found only slightly nauseating. In front of either chair was a plate of some sort of dessert; from the looks of it, something chocolate with a red sauce drizzled over it. Two flutes of champagne were sitting next to these desserts, and a bottle of the stuff sat in a bucket of ice, corked and ready to refill the glasses. 

Lily took a cautious step in, finding this a little hard to believe. How had _James Potter_ come up with this? This was incredible… 

"Do you like it?" James asked in a small voice, closing the door behind her. 

"It's wonderful," she breathed. "How did you do all of this?" 

_"I _didn't do anything," James admitted. "This is the Room of Requirement. I just thought about what I wanted, and…" He waved a hand, flushing. "It appeared." 

"So what took you so long?" 

"Oh, I had to make sure it wasn't _occupied," _he replied, putting extra emphasis on the word 'occupied', until a light went off in Lily's head and she laughed. 

"All right then. You are forgiven." 

"Dessert, then?" James asked, motioning to the table. "I figured, you already ate dinner, so…" 

Lily nodded, and seated herself. "Oh," she said, flushing a little as she pointed to the champagne, "don't think you're going to be able to get me drunk."

James smirked. "Oh, am I that transparent? Just think about what you'd like instead, and it'll come." 

Butterbeer appeared in Lily's glass, and she smiled. "What is this?" she asked, taking a sip of her drink and pointing to the plate of chocolate. 

"Not sure," James replied. "I just said--or, thought, I guess--that I wanted something chocolate, and this is what I got." 

Lily cut into it with her fork and took a bite. Abruptly, she spat it out into a napkin and took an especially large gulp of butterbeer. 

"What?" James immediately said, alarmed. 

"The red stuff is raspberry sauce," Lily responded, as though this meant everything. 

"And?" 

"Really, James," Lily said, grinning, "I thought you knew _everything _about me. I'm allergic to raspberries." 

"Oh," James said lamely, feeling about three centimeters tall at the moment. "Sorry." 

Lily waved a hand, and seemed to be concentrating. After a moment or so, a Chocolate Frog appeared on front of her. Grinning, she tore the wrapper from the Frog and bit off it's head. 

Marveling that Lily would rather have a Chocolate Frog than a chocolate souffle, James concentrated on her Frog and made one appear in front of him.

"Cheers," he said, raising his Frog. 

"Cheers," Lily agreed, and they tapped the Frogs together.

***

An hour later, when the beautifully set table was littered with their candy wrappers, a wicked grin lit up Lily's face. "So," she said, leaning across the table to snatch a bag of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans from him, "when I was reading your book, I came across a certain entry made by a few of your friends--" 

"Oh, God," James muttered. 

Lily continued on, a smirk too smug to be allowed still tugging on her mouth, "--that claimed that your boggart is a _chicken, _due to a--and I quote--_bad childhood experience._ Care to share that with me?" 

James rubbed his forehead. "All right," he said. "I was seven, and my next door neighbor worked for the Committee of Experimental Charms, and he was trying to enchant his pet chicken to…to…_run races _so he could make a spot of extra money. Well, Sirius bet me a Pumpkin Pasty that I wouldn't go up and touch the chicken. So I went up to the chicken, and tried to pet it."

Lily couldn't help it, she burst into a snickering fit, which she tried to smother with the sleeve of her robes.

James continued on with his story, blushing furiously, "Well, the chicken was a little _deranged_ from being prodded with a wand, and it launched itself at me. Chased me all around my front yard, clucking like a sodding maniac. I'm yelling and carrying on like I'm on fire and Sirius is rolling around on the porch, screaming like a banshee, he's laughing so hard. Nearly wet himself. I didn't come out of my house for a week." 

Lily emitted a shrill burst of laughter. "You did that for a _Pumpkin Pasty?" _she exclaimed in an unnaturally high voice.

__

"When you're seven, you'll do anything for another kid's candy," James said sourly. "What about you, Little Miss Giggles? Any embarrassing childhood memories you'd like to share?"

Lily, still sniggering every once in a while, thought about this. "Well," she said thoughtfully, "there _was_ our first flying lesson, if you care to think back that far…"

James, keeping a straight face, said solemnly, "Why, Lily, I don't remember at all. Why don't you refresh my memory?"

Lily made a face. "I got scared of being on the broom and screamed for Madam Hooch to let me down," she mumbled. 

"You cried for three hours," James pointed out, snickering. 

Lily blushed. "I'm terrified of heights!" she said hotly. 

"Yes, well I'm afraid of chickens, and you seemed to think that was rather funny!"

"Well, James, it's just a _chicken--_"

"And a broom is just a broom! You were all of five feet above the ground."

"It was _not_ five feet; it was at least thirty."

James looked at her incredulously, then burst out laughing. 

Lily stared back at him, then, imagining a seven-year-old James being chased by an enchanted chicken, joined him.

***

"So, um," James said nervously, shuffling his feet, "did--did you, er, have a good, er, time?"

They were standing next to the girls' staircases, as Lily had already warned him about what happened if he tried to go up them. 

Lily smiled. "I did, actually. You surprised me."

"Um, thanks. I guess. I'm glad you had a good time though."

Lily suddenly started to laugh. 

"What?" James asked indignantly. 

"You look funny when you're nervous." 

"Oh. Well, I'm glad I can provide you with some entertainment," he said sourly. 

Lily smiled again, and leaned forward, planting a kiss lightly on his cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow," she said. 

She started to go upstairs, when James caught her by the arm and pulled her to him. 

"What are you doing?" 

"Oh, er," James muttered, "I--I wanted to kiss you too." He leaned down and kissed her cheek, and they both laughed. 

"Good night," she called down softly as she reached her room. 

"'Night," James returned dimly. He sighed and watched her close the door behind her. "All right, you can come out now," he declared to the seemingly empty room. 

Sirius threw the Invisibility Cloak off of Remus, Peter, and himself. "Very chivalrous, James," Sirius smirked. "Are you going for Nice-Guy-of-the-Year or have you lost what little testosterone you previously possessed?"

"You know what other title comes with Nice-Guy-of-the-Year?" Remus offered, yawning a little. 

"What's that, Moony, friend?"

"Least-Shagged-Guy-of-the-Year," Remus said knowledgably. 

Peter stifled a snicker and Sirius turned to Remus in surprise. "What are you _doing?"_

"Whatever do you mean?" Remus asked, dropping into a chair and stretching. 

_"I'm_ the one who does sexual innuendos!" Sirius exclaimed. 

None of them noticed James quietly go upstairs, so as to avoid their questions.

He wanted to be alone with the memories of that night for as long as humanly possible.

***

A/N: Yeah, I could've gone the 'everything goes wrong' route, but I decided to go fluffy instead. ;) 

I hope the chicken story was all right…I'd been wanting to write it, and this just seemed to be the way to segue into it. 

See you tomorrow! 


	17. A Question Without a Definite Answer

Deflating  
  
Chapter Seventeen: A Question Without a Definite Answer  
  
*** A/N: ::cowers:: I'm so, so sorry...I'll explain at the end of the chapter. Read on, in the meantime.  
  
***  
  
There was a pillow on his face.  
  
That fact dimly registered in James's mind, as he was half-asleep, and as a result, pretty incoherent.  
  
Why was there a pillow on his face?  
  
He didn't much like having the pillow on his face.  
  
"Geroff," James mumbled, attempting to roll over, but an arm was in the way.  
  
Whose arm was on his bed?  
  
He was steadily becoming more and more alert as he slowly woke up, and it dawned on him that it was probably Sirius, wanting answers so that he could make stupid comments about them.  
  
"Go 'way," James mumbled, swatting absently at where he thought his best friend's head might be.  
  
"Your reflexes are horrible at six in the morning," Sirius informed him, and James could hear him grinning. It thoroughly annoyed him. He had been having a lovely dream...  
  
"Get up, you great prat," Sirius said, shoving James roughly. "You still need to tell us what happened with your Lily..."  
  
"She's not my Lily," James snapped grumpily. "Not yet, anyway."  
  
"Pricky, James," Remus called from somewhere in the room.  
  
"Shove off, Moony," James mumbled back. He sat up, blinked, and yawned. "Okay," he said. "Okay. What do you want to know?"  
  
"The food," Peter said immdiately. This struck James as slightly odd, but he answered it anyway.  
  
"Candy."  
  
Sirius, Peter, and Remus exchanged looks. "Please tell me you ate it out of her belly-button," Sirius said in a low voice.  
  
James made a face and Remus sighed exasperatedly. "No. We had chocolate souffle with raspberry sauce and she's allergic to raspberries, so we had candy instead. Anything else?"  
  
"Did you kiss her?"  
  
"You saw me kiss her," James reminded Sirius, running a hand through his hair as he swung his legs over the side of the bed to get ready for school.  
  
Sirius groaned. "That was the only kiss?"  
  
"That was the only kiss," James repeated.  
  
Sirius shook his head. "I always knew you were lacking in the charisma department, Prongs, but that is just pathetic."  
  
***  
  
Lily felt very disconcerted as she walked down to breakfast. She had been doing a very good job, in her opinion, of making the first steps of getting over this silly infatuation, and it seemed that it had only intensified overnight. On one hand, she was quite furious about this. This was the rational hand. Lily liked this hand, and hoped it took over, or slapped her in the face to make her see things its way. The other hand, the very stupid, sappy, romantic hand, was very excited. Lily hated this hand, and wished she could amputate it.  
  
She spotted James sitting with his friends, eating a muffin lazily as he smiled at something Remus had just said. James glanced up, spotted her, and waved her over.  
  
Lily sighed inwardly, but put on a bright smile and sat down next to Sirius across from James. Sirius eyed her, grinning, and Lily put her elbow on the table and covered her face with her hand because he was really starting to creep her out.  
  
The five of them were all quiet for a few moments, before Sirius cleared his throat, and in a high, falsetto voice, said, "Well, James, I had a really lovely time last night."  
  
Lily and James both turned to face Sirius, who fluttered his eyelashes at them.  
  
"Um, yeah, I, um, me too," Remus coughed, in a very deep voice that was clearly supposed to be James. "Do you, um, want to, um, go out with me?"  
  
Sirius emitted a shrill, happy shriek that made Lily wince and Peter jump. "I would simply love to!"  
  
"I don't talk like that," Lily informed him coolly, eyes narrowed. She stood up and walked over to Charlotte and Emily, who were watching her intently from the other end of the table.  
  
James watched her walk off, scowling, before turning back to Remus, who was cringing, and Sirius, who was holding in sniggers. "What'd you do that for?" he demanded.  
  
"Well, you weren't doing it," Sirius said sourly.  
  
"Yeah, well, that doesn't give you an opportunity to do it for me," James snapped.  
  
He reached for another muffin and tore into it savagely with his teeth.  
  
"Aren't you going to go after her?" Remus asked tentatively.  
  
James looked up at him blankly. "Oh," he said dimly. "Yeah." He stood up and started to walk away, then doubled back, grabbed his muffin with a sheepish smile, and trotted down the length of table to where Lily was sitting. "Hi," he said, very close to her ear as he slid into the seat next to her.  
  
She met his eyes, then looked down at her plate, where she was pouring ketchup over her eggs. "So," she said briskly, "have your friends stopped acting eleven years old?" Lily reached for a piece of toast and glanced inquiringly at him as she scooped her eggs onto her toast.  
  
James looked down at her plate and grinned. "You're making a ketchup-and- egg sandwich, aren't you?"  
  
"Take your attention away from my eating habits for a minute," Lily replied calmly. "Are you going to ask me out or not?"  
  
James very quickly jerked his head up from her plate to look at him, his eyes wide in alarm. "W-what?"  
  
Lily raised her eyebrows, put a smirk on her face, and bit into her sandwich.  
  
"Would you say yes?" James asked tentatively.  
  
"You haven't even asked me yet," Lily pointed out.  
  
James gaped soundlessly at the girl in front of him. Lily smiled, tore off a piece of her sandwich, and inserted into his mouth.  
  
"Chew and swallow," she said pleasantly.  
  
James did as told and gulped. "You want me to ask you out?"  
  
Lily did not reply, but smiled cheekily up at him.  
  
James gulped again. His mouth felt rather dry all of a sudden. "Um," he said brilliantly, "Lily, will you...will you go out with me?"  
  
Lily took a bite out of her sandwich, chewed very slowly, and said, "I'll think about it."  
  
***  
  
Thursday, February 15  
  
Approximately...oh, I can't even care what time it is!  
  
SHE SAID SHE'D THINK ABOUT IT!  
  
She's just being coy; she's going to say yes.  
  
"Hi, I'm James, and this is my girlfriend, Lily."  
  
That sounds nice.  
  
Really nice.  
  
I'll ask her again after class.  
  
Right after class.  
  
Right.  
  
***  
  
A/N: Right. ::deep breath:: My computer crashed on me. I don't even have the internet anymore (feel sorry for me, I need the sympathy!) I'm over at a friend's house, writing this. I might be able to manage updates maybe once a week, once every two weeks? It's negotiable. But I'm so, so sorry to keep you waiting like this. Thanks for all the reviews, it was lovely to come onto a computer for the first time in four days and see 140-odd reviews waiting for me (and, whoa! 140 is a big number, you guys were busy).  
  
(Oh, look at this: . Kinda remind you of something?)  
  
I'll see you guys as soon as possible! 


	18. Double or Nothing

Deflating  
  
Chapter Eighteen: Double or Nothing  
  
***  
  
Was there really anything to think about?  
  
No, Lily told herself furiously. No, there wasn't a single thing to consider. She would tell him 'no'. There had never been a problem in turning him down before, why should now be any different?  
  
Well, for one, she had come very close to saying 'yes' when he asked. But she had caught herself, reminded herself that nothing good could come out of saying 'yes' to anything that boy suggested. Nothing good.  
  
For another, she had practically asked him. It had been quite entertaining, almost empowering, to watch him stutter and trip all over himself merely because she punctuated a sentence with a smile or a careful, calculated lifting of her eyebrows. That almost made up for how incredibly stupid and awkward she felt doing it.  
  
Lily's attention flicked from the pearly figure of Binns at the front of the room, where he was droning monotonously about the formation of the Wizengamot, to her left, where James and his friends were sitting. James appeared to be playing Tic-Tac-Toe with Peter, and, judging by the frown on his face, he was losing. Peter drew a line on the paper with a flourish and raised his quill to Sirius and Remus. Yes, James had most definitely lost this game. He shrugged, smiled, and reclined in his chair so that it was balancing on two legs. He glanced over at her, realized she was looking back, and grinned wider at her.  
  
Lily's gaze darted back to her desk and she could feel a blush rising to her cheeks.  
  
She had just realized what it was about James's smile that so many girls liked, and she hated herself for it.  
  
***  
  
The bell rang for break, and James was just about to open the door to leave when he looked over his shoulder to see Lily, making rather a meal out of putting her things away.  
  
"You guys go ahead," James told his friends distractedly, his left hand going to the back of his head to dishevel it. "I'll catch you up."  
  
The remaining memebers of the Marauders glanced over James's shoulder, saw Lily, and exchanged looks of understanding.  
  
"Don't press her," Remus began. "And--"  
  
"Stop preaching for once, will you, Moony?" Sirius interjected. "Prongs'll do fine without you, I promise. Now, come on, I want some treacle fudge before Potions." He pulled Remus out of the room by his tie, shooting James an encouraging smile over his shoulder before closing the door neatly behind him.  
  
Binns went through the chalkboard, leaving his two students alone in the classroom, something a professor is generally not supposed to do, but Binns hardly noticed he had students. James was suddenly reminded of the day Lily had fallen asleep in class and muttered his name in her slumber. That brought a smile to his face and encouraged him slightly as he took a step to where Lily was adjusting the straps on her bag.  
  
"Hi," he said awkwardly.  
  
She didn't look up. "Hi."  
  
James suddenly felt very self-conscious, and couldn't for the life of him explain why. "Er, how are you?"  
  
Her eyebrows knitted together in confusion, but she still didn't look away from her bag. "I'm fine."  
  
He waited, but she didn't ask him how he was. Now he had to think of a new direction for this conversation to go in without sounding pushy..."Looks...looks like it's going to rain," he said lamely, motioning listlessly out the window.  
  
"Kinda does, doesn't it?" Lily replied, still not looking up.  
  
James sighed exasperatedly. "Lily," he said imploringly.  
  
She bit her lip.  
  
He took a seat on the desk beside her, so that he was sitting directly in front of her. Their shoes were two centimeters away from each other. Lily blinked at this, and concentrated intently on his shoelaces.  
  
"Lily," he repeated, practically pleading with her.  
  
"One of your shoelaces is broken," she pointed out quietly, pointing to it.  
  
He shrugged unconcernedly. "How come you won't look at me?"  
  
She stiffened, but didn't reply.  
  
"Okay, if you won't answer that one, will you answer my other question?"  
  
"What question?" Lily asked, clearly stalling for time.  
  
"Will you go out with me?"  
  
She sighed softly, then shook her head. "No."  
  
James had almost been expecting this, but it was still not a welcome response. But...hang on. She still wasn't looking at him. He had a feeling that Lily wasn't a very good liar--girls like her never were--and bad liars generally never looked you in the eye....  
  
Bluffing had worked once. Double or nothing.  
  
Summoning up all of his courage and hoping against hope that she wouldn't hit him, James stood up slowly. He reached out, put his right thumb under her chin, his index finger right beneath her bottom lip, and gently lifted her head to face him. "Tell me 'no' now," he said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You can turn me down," James told her, "but I want you to look me in the eye when you do it."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"So I know you mean it."  
  
Lily made a strangled noise. "W-why wouldn't I mean it?"  
  
"If you mean it, you'll say it."  
  
A smile twitched at the corner of her mouth. "It."  
  
James had a short temper, and Lily seemed to enjoy provoking it at every possible turn. "Lily," he repeated, trying to keep his voice even and cool.  
  
Lily didn't say anything for quite a long time, before she finally said softly, "Your hand is all sweaty."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Your hand," she said, reaching up and putting her own hand on top of his, where it was still holding her chin, though his grip on it had slackened a while ago. Surprising even himself, James turned his hand over under hers and intertwined his fingers with hers. "It's...it's all sweaty," Lily repeated faintly.  
  
"Yours is too," James pointed out.  
  
She almost smiled. "How can you tell if yours is sweaty too?"  
  
"I--I don't know. I just felt like I needed to say...say something."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Her bangs were in her face, and James, without even really realizing he was doing it, reached up and pushed them behind her ears with the hand that wasn't holding hers. His hand brushed against her face, and he kept it there.  
  
He was coming closer, and Lily didn't even realize it until he was a few centimeters away from her. She didn't take her eyes off of his, but now his eyelashes were becoming more and more defined...she could've counted them...they were unusually long for a boy's; thin and numerous, they reminded her of spiders for some reason and...were those freckles? Yes, a few tiny, light brown freckles dotted the skin right beneath his eyes...she could hear him breathing...when had it gotten so quiet? His eyes were closed now...move away, Lily, just move away and avoid the trouble!  
  
Too late, he was kissing her now. She released her hold on his hand in surprise, and he moved that hand into her hair now. Lily grabbed his forearm to keep from falling over, as she had suddenly lost all feeling in her legs. Her other hand held fast to the desk behind her, gripped it so tightly she was a little afraid that she would break a piece off and have to explain to Dumbledore why...what are you thinking; you're a witch, you would fix that with magic...  
  
James pulled away first, his hands still in her hair, looking down at her as though he'd never seen her before. "I..." he began, but found he didn't know the end to that sentence. "I..." he tried again, feeling that he really should say something, say anything.  
  
Lily looked like she was going to cry. Oh, please don't cry, I can't stand it when you cry. She opened her mouth to say something, but the bell rang, shattering the tense silence that filled the room.  
  
James swallowed. His mouth felt really dry all of a sudden. "Potions," he said lamely.  
  
She nodded, reached for her bag, and started to walk out of the room. He followed, making sure to stay a few steps behind her, lest she lash out at him or start crying.  
  
They entered the room more or less at the same time, Lily heading straight for those twin friends of hers and James making a beeline for Sirius, Peter, and Remus. He sat down next to Remus, threw his bag onto his desk, and scowled.  
  
"Oh, no," Remus said in a low, strangled voice. "You kissed her, didn't you?"  
  
James turned accusingly to his friend. "How d'you know that?"  
  
Remus groaned and put his head in his hands. "I was hoping you just found some on the ground and got curious."  
  
"What are you on about?"  
  
"You've got her lipstick all over you," Peter told him finally, grinning.  
  
James hastily swiped at his mouth with his robes, flushing.  
  
"Why'd you do that?" Sirius asked. "Pink really brings out the color of your eyes, mate."  
  
"Sod off," James muttered.  
  
Sirius smiled sympathetically. "Didn't go so well?"  
  
"Does it ever?"  
  
"Well, not when you kiss her," Remus pointed out. "So maybe you just shouldn't do that anymore."  
  
***  
  
A/N: I broke 1,000! I broke 1,000!!!! I'm just so thrilled, I can't even begin to tell you. Thanks so, so much to everyone who reviews, it's so awesome to finally get to go onto the internet (it's two weeks today, you guys ::sob::) and see, like, a hundred more reviews than when I last got on.  
  
And so, I will respond to those reviews (not all of them, of course, just ones that asked questions or what have you):  
  
First off, wow, I didn't know people actually read my bio, but I did put in there that this is coming to a close. I think I can extend it to a round 20, maybe 25 chapters, but don't quote me on that. I don't really keep to things like that, and I don't even know how this is definitely going to end (nope, do not have a plotline for this, I just write as I go along....that made no sense, but you know what I mean, right?). So your guess is as good as mine as to how many more chapters, but it is almost over.  
  
To people who are concerned about my sanity without my internet: thank you. Yes, I am incredibly bored--all the time. But I have gotten awesome at Solitaire. And I write, so all is not lost. :)  
  
Katy: Do not waste time with me! Explore Scotland for all of us who cannot be there!  
  
lena-jade: Actually, I have never tried ketchup-and-eggs sandwiches (I am not a big egg person). That was just a something that popped into my mind...by the way, it's much easier to be funny late, late at night, because at that time, everything is funny.  
  
The Spatula Chick: I'm glad you think I'm good at writing boys :) I do try.  
  
I'm sorry the last one was so short, I was pressed for time (that last chapter was written in an hour, so it wasn't nearly as good as I wanted it to be. I wrote this one at home before bringing it here, so hopefully, it's better. ::crosses fingers::).  
  
And Cassie? Are you going to call me all the time now and tell me to update? I might need you to. :)  
  
And, since that was entirely too long, I will leave you with my new catchphrase, which I stole from someone 'cept I don't remember who it was...  
  
Sirius rocks my socks.  
  
Thank you, and review. :) 


	19. What I Like About You

Deflating  
  
Chapter Nineteen: What I Like About You  
  
***  
  
~For Cassie, who beta-read and yelled at me when I stopped writing. You have her to thank for this.~  
  
***  
  
Still Friday, 15 February  
  
Approximately 1:00 p.m.: Mr. Moony wishes to inquire as to what happened when Mr. Prongs's fellow Marauders made the mistake of leaving him alone with Miss Lily.  
  
Yes, because Mr. Moony hissing instructions into Mr. Prongs's ear is enough to make any girl throw off her clothes and say, "Take me, I'm yours!"  
  
That was really long winded and kinda pointless.  
  
Kinda was, wasn't it?  
  
Anyway, Prongs?  
  
Mr. Prongs declines to comment.  
  
On?  
  
Anything.  
  
Oh, come off it, Prongs! We've been helping you with this girl for, like, six months. She's like our little project as well. We're entitled to hear what happened.  
  
You're not entitled to anything. And she's not a project. She's a person. A very beautiful, intelligent--  
  
She's not here, Prongs.  
  
Yeah, but every time I say or write something pricky, it comes back to bite me in the arse, so I'm not taking any chances.  
  
Yes, James, stop karma before it starts. Spiffing plan.  
  
Whatever. And why'd you call me by my birth-given name?  
  
I am annoyed that you won't JUST TELL US WHAT HAPPENED.  
  
Just tell us. We'll find out anyway.  
  
Are you living vicariously through me?  
  
Wormtail and Moony, maybe, but Padfoot has his own social life. A much more successful one, at that. Padfoot knows how to handle his girls.  
  
See, this is why I can't get anywhere with Lily-- I spend too much time with you.  
  
Don't say anything you'll regret on your wedding day, Prongs. Best man, remember?  
  
Padfoot, at the rate you're going, you'll be lucky to be invited to my wedding. You know, on the off chance I'll ever have a wedding.  
  
Oh, shut up, Prongs, you'll have a wedding.  
  
I'm still not telling you.  
  
In that case, you will die a lonely, lonely man with 67 cats.  
  
***  
  
James didn't see Lily at all after class or at dinner. When he looked for her after dinner (without the aid of the Marauder's Map, which had gone mysteriously missing), he didn't find her in the library, the Common Room, the Quidditch pitch, Hagrid's hut, or the Astronomy Tower (as a teenage boy, he was disappointed and a little saddened when she didn't turn up there). He was traipsing up to the Common Room in defeat, when he spotted one of Lily's twin friends outside the Great Hall, sitting cross-legged on the floor and reading a book.  
  
He jogged up to her. "Hi," he said, sitting down next to her.  
  
Twin looked up from her book. "If you want me to tell you where Lily is, I'm afraid I'm under strict orders not to tell anyone."  
  
James sighed. "Oh, well, I'll talk to her tomorrow."  
  
"However," Twin continued, as though she hadn't heard him, "I hardly ever listen to Lily when she gives me orders. And I'm sorry to say that I've taken a liking to seeing the two of you together, so..." She sucked in a breath and drew herself up importantly. "She's in the dormitory."  
  
James's heart dropped in disappointment, even though he'd been expecting this. "Oh, well, I can't get to her in the girls' dormitory. So, I guess I'll just talk to her tomorrow."  
  
Twin flashed him a smile. "I never said she was in her dormitory."  
  
James could've sworn he stopped breathing. "W-what?" he stammered, his voice cracking like it hadn't since he was thirteen.  
  
Twin smirked. "Don't get your overactive hormones all excited there. She's fully clothed."  
  
I can fix that, James thought to himself, glad for the first time in his life that Remus wasn't there. "W-what's she doing in there?"  
  
"Waiting for you," Twin said, as though this was the most obvious thing in the world. Which it probably was, but James was not thinking very clearly right now.  
  
"Oh, God," James muttered, running a hand through his hair. "Um, okay. Okay, I'm gonna go...gonna go talk to her." He stumbled to his feet and started running. He tripped the first few steps before regaining himself and speeding down the hall.  
  
He reached the Fat Lady after about three minutes, spat out the password so fast she had to ask him to repeat it twice before she finally understood what he was saying, and burst into the Common Room.  
  
Sirius, Remus, and Peter were all sitting on a sofa, the Marauder's Map between them. They looked up when he came in, all grinning.  
  
"I suppose you've heard that Lily's in our room," Peter said.  
  
James only nodded; he was quite winded from his impromptu exercise that he couldn't really talk.  
  
"We didn't have time to straighten up before she kicked us out," Remus said apologetically.  
  
"So she might see your underwear before you see hers," Sirius added.  
  
"Don't care," James managed to sputter.  
  
"You will," Remus said dismissively.  
  
"James, much as we love chatting with you," Sirius began, "we can do it anytime. There is a girl up in your room. Lily Evans is up in your room. Waiting for you. Possibly naked. With whipped cream."  
  
"Sirius," Remus interrupted disapprovingly. Then, looking to James, who was standing, frozen, in front of them, "Aren't you going to go?"  
  
"I'm just trying to fully realize the gravity of this situation, give me a second," James muttered, eyes closed.  
  
"Well, do it faster," Peter told him impatiently.  
  
"You cannot rush these things, Wormtail," James began, but Sirius got up and started pushing him towards the staircase.  
  
"Go up there!" he commanded, and James obeyed, albeit very slowly.  
  
He knocked on the door when he reached it, swallowing. His mouth was very dry again.  
  
"Just come in," he heard Lily's voice say. Oh, my God, she's really in my room. "It's your room."  
  
James sucked in a breath and pushed open the door.  
  
Lily was standing by the window, fully clothed, whipped cream nowhere in sight. She bit her lip when he entered.  
  
"Close the door," she said.  
  
Oh, dear God. He did as told, then turned back to face her.  
  
Lily sighed, then asked, "Which one's yours?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Which bed, James?" she said patiently. "I've been standing up for twenty- five minutes because I didn't want to risk sitting on Sirius Black's boxers."  
  
"Oh," he managed, then pointed to the one nearest the window on the left side. "That--that's mine."  
  
"Can I sit down, then?"  
  
"Y-yeah. Go ahead."  
  
It was unbelievably hot in the room all of a sudden. James tugged at his tie as Lily lowered herself onto the edge of his bed.  
  
"Um, can I ask why you're in my room and not in the Common Room?" James asked, trying to mantain composure.  
  
"I didn't want your friends and mine breathing down my neck," she replied.  
  
"Oh," he muttered, taking a seat on Peter's bed, which was directly across from his. "Um, what did you want to talk about?"  
  
"The kiss."  
  
He'd been expecting this. James's hand flew to his hair. "Yeah, I..."  
  
"Don't talk."  
  
He glanced up at her, but didn't say anything else.  
  
"That was very unfair of you," Lily said in a matter-of-fact voice, "to pin me in the middle of a classroom--"  
  
"I didn't pin you anywhere!" James interjected angrily.  
  
"I recall telling you not to talk."  
  
"And I recall you kissing me back in the classroom!"  
  
Lily closed her eyes. "You caught me off-guard."  
  
"Lily," James said, trying not to laugh, "my friends catch me off-guard all the time, but I never stick my tongue down their throats when they do."  
  
"It would render me completely unnecessary, so maybe you should."  
  
"When you're quite finished," James said, "maybe you could finish your lecture."  
  
"I don't lecture," Lily hissed.  
  
"Yes, you do. You lecture me all the time! But, by all means, continue. I personally never get tired of it."  
  
"James, what do you like about me?"  
  
This question took him completely aback. It wasn't really like Lily to be so forward, or to drop an argument so abruptly. "What?"  
  
She actually blushed. "If you tell me what you like about me, I'll try to tell you what I like about you."  
  
Eager to hear her end of things, James just started talking. "I like the way you smile. I like your eyes. I like that you look pretty, even when you cry. I like that you can make me laugh, even if I'll never admit it. I like that you can take things lightly, and that you sometimes can't, because that reminds me that not everything is a joke. I like the way I can't even blink when you look me in the eye. I like that I can see myself with you, a year from now, five years from now, ten years from now, fifty years from now...." He trailed off. "And I like that there are so many things I like about you that I'd be talking for hours if I wanted to list them all."  
  
Lily stayed silent for quite awhile, before inhaling deeply and looking up at him. "Yes," she said softly.  
  
"Yes what?" James asked, thoroughly confused.  
  
"Yes, I'll go out with you."  
  
***  
  
A/N: ::grin:: Like I said, cliffhangers are fun.  
  
So, yeah, with this chapter in place, that means that 20 is the very last one. ::sigh:: Yep, had to end sometime, friends.  
  
I also apologize for the fluff in this and the past three chapters, because I fully realize that it's kinda suffocating :)  
  
Is it wrong of me to say that I like James a whole lot now? I mean, I always liked him (hello, all I write is L/J, practically), but I like him more now.... 


	20. An Entry, An Ending, and A Lot of Whippe...

Deflating  
  
Chapter Twenty: An Entry, An Ending, and a Lot of Whipped Cream  
  
***  
  
There were a few moments of silence following this proclamation, in which James tried to remember how to breathe and form intelligent speech. Knowing what we know about his character, it is pretty needless to say that he wasn't having much success with either.  
  
After about a minute of James gaping soundlessly at her, Lily stood up very quickly and said, "Well, I should go, then."  
  
Once she reached the door, she stopped, turned around with her hand still on the doorknob and said, "Are--are you going to say anything?"  
  
"Give me a second," James breathed, holding up his index finger. "I'm trying to process that."  
  
Lily switched her weight from one foot to the other, tugged on a lock on her hair that she apparently found endlessly interesting by the way she was examining it, then mumbled, "Do you need me to help you?"  
  
He scoffed. "What is that supposed to mean?"  
  
"We-ell," she said, color rising to her face in embarrassment as she let go of the doorknob and started walking slowly toward him.  
  
James, who was looking down at his lap, didn't notice her. "Well, what?"  
  
"Do you want me to kiss you or not?"  
  
James looked up from his lap so fast Lily was sure he'd broken his neck. "Are you being sarcastic?" he demanded.  
  
"No," she said curiously, pausing directly in front of him; their knees were touching. He squirmed.  
  
"Because," he said, running a hand through his hair, "because if you are...if you are, this is really not the time."  
  
"I know it's not the time," Lily told him, a tinge of exasperation present in her voice. She put her hands on his shoulders. "Which is why I'm being quite serious."  
  
James made a very strange, strangled noise in the back of his throat. "You'll--you'll really go out with me?"  
  
"That's what I said," Lily replied, switching her weight again, drumming her fingers impatiently on his shoulders. "And, as we've already clarified that I wasn't being sarcastic, I meant it."  
  
"Oh." James swallowed, and started to rumple his hair again, but Lily grabbed his hand halfway there.  
  
"I really hate it when you do that," she said softly.  
  
"I know," he responded.  
  
"Don't you even want to know why?" Lily asked, turning her hand over in his to look at his. "You have really small fingernails," she commented, showing him.  
  
"Why you hate it when I do that?"  
  
"Why I finally said I'd go out with you."  
  
"You know," James said, feeling suddenly emboldened and taking the hand that wasn't holding hers, put it right behind her ear, "I don't much care right now."  
  
And, with that, he covered her mouth with his.  
  
***  
  
Peter looked up towards the boys' staircase, squinting in the dim firelight of the Common Room. "Wonder what they're doing up there?"  
  
Sirius smirked and opened his mouth.  
  
"Sirius, if what you're about to say involves Lily and whipped cream, I'll hex you," Remus warned, not looking up from his almost-finished History of Magic essay.  
  
Sirius sniffed. "What makes you think everything I say has to have some sort of sexual connotation?"  
  
"Because it does?" Peter suggested.  
  
"I'll have you know," Sirius began in a very dignified voice, "that I am not just a veritable sex god. I am respectful and deep."  
  
Remus held up his completed essay to the light and waved it around to dry the ink. "With that in mind, what were you just going to say?"  
  
Sirius smirked again. "I wonder if James thought to get cherries."  
  
Remus nodded to him, still waving his parchment. "Respectful and deep, indeed."  
  
There was the sound of a door closing, and all three boys looked up in time to see Lily, attempting to flatten her mussed hair, coming down the stairs. She glanced at them, ducked her head to hide a grin, and bounded up her own set of stairs, deliberately ignoring their shouted questions.  
  
"She's so difficult," Sirius said contemptuously as he watched her enter her room and close the door neatly behind her. "Where's Jamesie?"  
  
He got his answer when James himself came down the stairs, looking so dazed that his friends weren't entirely sure if he realized where he was. He, too, ignored their questions, but dropped into a chair by the fire, hand in his hair, still looking lost.  
  
"Well?" Sirius asked impatiently. "Was there whipped cream?"  
  
James didn't seem to have heard him. He just kept staring blankly into the fire.  
  
"James?" Remus said cautiously. "Are you all right?"  
  
"What?" James responded blankly, looking puzzledly from the fire to his friend as though just realizing he was there.  
  
"Are you all right?" Remus repeated, enunciating.  
  
"Oh," he said, looking back to the fire as he tugged at his tie. "Fine."  
  
"Well?" Sirius prodded impatiently. "Was there?"  
  
"Was there what?"  
  
"Whipped cream, you dolt."  
  
James threw him a very exasperated look. "No," he said. "And there will never be whipped cream, so stop asking."  
  
Sirius leaned back in his chair, arms folded over his chest. "Well," he said crossly, "if you would play your cards right, there would be whipped cream, but I'm fully cognizant of the fact that that's impossible for you, so you're probably right."  
  
A smile twitched at the corners of his friend's mouth. "Oh, I played my cards just fine."  
  
All three Marauders's heads jerked up.  
  
"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Remus demanded.  
  
"I am."  
  
Sirius grinned and clapped James on the shoulder. "I see whipped cream in your future, friend."  
  
***  
  
James and Lily's relationship at school was, like most, full of ups and downs, though it was arguable as to whether it had more ups or downs. Make your own conclusions:  
  
Tuesday, 23 April  
  
9:39 p.m.:Mr. Padfoot is of the opinion that if Mr. Prongs and his girlfriend want to fight within a sixty-mile radius of human life, they should provide earplugs.  
  
Mr. Moony suggests a Soundproofing Charm.  
  
Mr. Padfoot counters with earplugs enchanted with a Soundproofing Charm. Therefore, Mr. Padfoot wins.  
  
Mr. Wormtail wishes to ask how long it's been since the royal couple got together.  
  
Mr. Padfoot says two months. Mr. Prongs is marking it off on Mr. Padfoot's Veelas on the Beach calendar. Did Miss Lily take Mr. Prongs's boxers again? Because if he doesn't want her to have his, she's welcome to some of Mr. Padfoot's.  
  
Mr. Moony thinks Mr. Padfoot should keep his boxers away from Miss Lily.  
  
Keep them away from Mr. Wormtail as well, if we're going to discuss this now.  
  
Oh, Wormtail.  
  
What?  
  
Nothing. That just sounded like it deserved an "Oh, Wormtail".  
  
Hold on, what's she saying?  
  
Mr. Padfoot thinks Miss Lily is breaking up with our friend Prongs again.  
  
How come?  
  
Mr. Wormtail's money says that Miss Lily found the bottle of whipped cream Mr. Padfoot hid under Mr. Prongs's bed two weeks ago.  
  
Hey, Mr. Padfoot put a Preservation Charm on it. It should still be okay.  
  
Does Prongs know you put whipped cream under his bed?  
  
Mr. Padfoot is just trying to help out a friend; Mr. Prongs does not have to thank Mr. Padfoot. Mr. Padfoot would offer whipped cream to his other fellow Marauders, but as they haven't had dates since fifth year, he feels this offer would be a waste of his generosity.  
  
Oh, here they come--they're snogging. Mr. Wormtail is going to bed, as he has a weak stomach.  
  
Mr. Moony agrees.  
  
Mr. Padfoot wonders if there is any whipped cream left.  
  
~*~  
  
A/N: ::bows:: Yep, that's the end.  
  
Now, to address the question you're all wondering: Sequel???  
  
Of course. :)  
  
Here's the summary for it, as a matter of fact. You are more than welcome to speculate about it in reviews:  
  
James and Lily have decided to make it official. But between the Order, Gideon Prewett, and the fact that they can't agree on anything; that aisle looks pretty far away...with Jealous!James, Frazzled!Lily, Flirty!Sirius, Traitor!Peter, and that inevitable Marauder-orchestrated bachelor party. There's no need to bring champagne--they've got plenty.  
  
It's not much, but make of it what you wish. The tentative title is, 'Tripping Down the Aisle', but I really hate that title, so if you'd offer your suggestions, that would just be lovely. :)  
  
Massive schnoogles to anyone who ever reviewed this, and who made me feel more funny than I am, and who added me to their favorites' lists (202!!!!!!!!!!!)  
  
::sniffles:: I want a livejournal....does someone have a code they could give me? Please? I'll love you forever... 


End file.

Harry Potter, Humor, Romance