Lord of the Rings Gems Have Feelings You Know And so do Dark Lords

**...Don't ask how I got this idea. Warning: It's random. Very random. **

**Sauron: But it's amazing, because it has me in it.**

**Melkor: And me! That's even better! But I noticed I was criticized again...**

**Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant: But not by me! It was the Arekenstone! So, you can't get mad at me again!**

**Melkor: ...I could.**

**Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant: No, you can't. Anyways, Saruon, you get the disclaimer! Make me proud!**

**Sauron: Melkor'sOnlyLietenant does not own Lord of the Rings, the Silmarillion, the Hobbit, or any of its characters. Give thanks for that.**

**Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant: Read and review, please! **

**Gems Have Feelings You Know… And so do Dark Lords**

**An empty room. In the middle is the Arkenstone, illuminated by a random spotlight.**

**Arkenstone: **You know what? I'm amazing, that's what I am. How could I not be? I'm a freaking giant, white, shiny gem! I have wispy, kind of odd, magic floating about me. I, the awesome Arkenstone, am coveted by so many people! (Well, also Dwarves, Elves, a Dragon, and even a Hobbit, but whatever). For goodness sake, I'm better than those Silmarils!

**A Silmaril suddenly pops out of nowhere and takes the stage.**

**Random Silmaril *indignant*: **What was that?! You, better than us Silmarils?! Ha, don't make me laugh! Did you get a war waged over you by the Dark Lord Melkor and the elves?! Were _you_ displayed on the crown of Melkor?! I think not! We are obviously better than you! We are - !

**The Arekenstone buts in and takes back the stage.**

**Arekenstone *growling… yes, it can growl*: **Be quiet, random Silmaril! This is _my_ story, not yours! Besides, being on Melkor's crown is nothing to brag about. You were the Silmaril that got taken by Beren and Luthien, because Melkor was stupid enough to display you and the other two in plain sight! Honestly, you Silmarils and Melkor should be embarrassed!

**Melkor and Random Silmaril: **T_T

**Arekenstone: **How in Middle-earth did Melkor get here? He's in the Void! Well, whatever. Where was I? Oh, yes. I'm amazing! And I'm here to tell you all how unfair my life is. First, I'm mined by some gold-obsessed Dwarves. They freaking stuck me in their King's throne! Do you have any idea how boring it is, to be stuck in a throne! I couldn't take a walk, or –

**Sauron suddenly pops up.**

**Sauron: **How can you walk? You're a gem!

**Arekenstone: **If I say I can walk, I can walk! And you're supposed to be a giant Eye, right now! Why are you here, and in a physical form too?!

**Sauron *smugly*: **I just got my Ring back, duh. Prepare to suffer, all you poor saps who are stuck on Middle-earth! Mwah ha ha!

**Melkor *misty eyed*: **That's my little Maia! He's a Dark Lord now, I'm so proud! Now, get me out of the Void!

**Sauron *slightly irritated*: **I'm working on it! ***to Arekenstone* **And I still say you can't walk.

**Arekenstone *steaming mad… if gems can steam*: **Would you two stop interrupting me?! Honestly! Anyways, so I was stuck in the throne for a while, when that dragon attacked! And what happens to me?! I'm dislodged, and I fall into all that pile of treasure! Smaug takes over, and I'm stuck there, surrounded by all those inferior gold coins! Inferior gems! Inferior goblets, jewelry, amour! Inferior - !

**Sauron: **We get it, all the treasure was inferior to you. Get on with it!

**Arekenstone *huffy*: **Why are Dark Lords so rude?! Anyways, I'm stuck there for years. And just as I think nothing can get worse, I'm kidnapped by a Hobbit! A Hobbit, of all creatures! And then he has the _nerve_ to use me as a bargaining tool with that Human bowman and that Elvenking! What do I look like, a common gem?!

**Random Silmaril: **That's exactly what you are.

**Melkor: **My Silmaril…

**Sauron: **Leave it alone. You can't take anything into the Void, remember? And how did you get here, anyway?

**Melkor: **I got a free pass to leave the Void. But only for a few hours, so hurry up with a more permanent way to get me out!

**Sauron: **I said I'm trying! You're so impatient!

**Melkor *angrier than a hornet's nest… which is quite angry*: **_What_ was that?

**Arekenstone *hastily*: **So, _as I was saying_, that stupid Hobbit tried to bargain with me! But even after all that nonsense, I found out he was planning to leave me to Thorin Oakenshield, of all people!

**Sauron: **He's a Dwarf, not a person.

**Arekenstone *annoyed*: **Same difference.

**Melkor: **But didn't you want him to reclaim you?

**Random Silmaril: **Yeah, a scruffy Dwarf is a perfect master for you.

**Arekenstone *counting to 10*: **This is the point I've been trying to lead up to, and would have gotten to sooner, if all of you didn't keep interrupting!

**Sauron, Melkor, and Random Silmaril clearly do not care.**

**Arekenstone *sighing*: **Anyways, the point is, I did not want Thorin as a master! I wanted to pick my own master! I wanted freedom to control my own life! I wanted free will! Is that a crime?

**Random Silmaril: **For you… yes.

**Sauron: **You're a gem. How can you pick your own master?

**Melkor: **Free will? Since when do inferior creatures have free will?

**Arekenstone *twitching*: **I'm going to ignore you three… And then, my worst moment yet! Oh, luck was against me that day! After the Battle of the Five Armies, when Thorin dies, do I get to pick a master? Do I get a place of honor? Oh, heavens no. No, I'm buried with that Dwarf! Buried! Can you believe it? I'm stuck in the ground! What a degrading ending!

**Random Silmaril: **I think it was perfect for you! A happy ending!

**Sauron: **I think it's kind of funny.

**Melkor: **It's better than the Void, so stop whining!

**Arekenstone *at its last straw*: **No one cares for me! No one cares that I, out of everyone, got the short end of the deal! I suffered, suffered I tell you! And no one caaaaarrrreeeees! Whyyyyyyy meeeeeee?!

**The Arekenstone disappears, sobbing uncontrollably. The spot light narrows on the remaining guests.**

**Sauron: **…How was it here, if it's is buried?

**Random Silmaril: **Who knows? Heck, how am I here? I'm not even in the same book as the Arekenstone.

**The Random Silmaril returns to its own book.**

**Sauron: **….

**Melkor *jolting, as if he has been shocked*: **Great! My free pass has expired; I have to go back to the Void! Sauron, hurry uuuuuupppp! Get a move on, lieutenant! GOT IT?!

**Sauron: **I've got it, already! Can't a guy get a well-deserved break after winning the War of the Ring?! I'm run ragged from trying to get my Ring back; being an Eye wasn't easy you know! Have some patience!

**Melkor: **Patience? What is this patience you speak of?

**Melkor is sucked into the Void. Sauron just face palms.**

The end!


End file.

Lord of the Rings, Humor, Parody