Legend of Zelda, Pokémon The Legend of Zeldawn: An Ashlink Between Worlds

I wrote this story a couple years ago as a gift for a friend. Felt like putting it up now, especially since the next chapter of BNW is still nowhere near completion. So...enjoy, I guess. Might continue it some day. Might not. Depends on how I feel and what I'm doing.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.

"'The Master Sword is a sacred blade which evil ones may never touch…Only one worthy of the title of "Hero of Legend" can pull it from the Pedestal of Time,'" Cilan read, squinting as he examined the writing inscribed on the base of the pedestal standing in the middle of the forest clearing, a shaft of sunlight passing through a gap in the dense trees overhead to shine upon the magnificent double-edged longsword with a purple hilt, a crossguard large and elaborate in relation to its pommel with a yellow gemstone embedded in it, and an engraving of three triangles linked together to form a larger triangle engraved on the base of the blade that was driven point-down into the stone pedestal they were gathered around. A similar triangle was engraved just above the mysterious writing on the pedestal's front. The green-haired connoisseur frowned in thought and stood back up, rubbing his chin. "Hmm…how very peculiar…"

"You don't say?" Iris huffed, folding her arms in annoyance. "This whole place is peculiar!"

"Ew Axew!" her faithful companion Axew chirped, popping out of Iris's voluminous purple mane to state his agreement with his mistress's opinion.

They were both right. They were in a very peculiar place indeed. They had been walking through a forest on the way to the next town for Ash's Gym Battle when they'd somehow taken a wrong turn and gotten hopelessly lost. Iris blamed Ash, who had run off the path because he claimed he'd seen a weird kid dressed like a scarecrow standing on a distant branch taunting him, for their current state of affairs, and seemed to think Ash's excuse was a pathetic attempt to avoid taking responsibility for their getting lost, more proof to her that he was 'just a kid.'

Pikachu, who had also seen the strange scarecrow boy (Although he wasn't sure the creature had been human. Something had seemed…_off_ about him…), would have been happy to defend his trainer's honor, but since nobody could understand him—except Ash, aside from the times when he couldn't for some reason—his words fell on deaf ears, much to his frustration, and so his Pikapi had no credible defense against his detractor's harsh comments. This was yet another reason Pikachu found himself disliking Iris when compared to some of their past traveling companions. Only May had complained half as much as this, and while Misty had frequently berated Ash there was always an undercurrent of concern and care beneath her barbs betraying her secret affection for Ash. Iris had none of that. As far as Pikachu could tell, she was just complaining to be bitchy, something which failed to endear her to him in the slightest. Oh, she had her good points, he wouldn't deny that, but did she always have to be such a _brat_? And what was she doing calling Ash a kid? It wasn't like she was any older or more mature!

In any event, the hot-blooded Ash had pursued the laughing scarecrow into the forest until the trail was left far behind them and the canopy of the trees was so thick even Tranquill had difficulty breaking through to see where they were, and once out of the woods the bird Pokémon had an alarmingly hard time finding its trainer again. At some point the scarecrow boy had vanished, and they'd been forced to wander aimlessly through the woods until they came to their present location; a strange clearing with a sword in a pedestal at its center surrounded by the ruins of some kind of ancient temple. Pikachu immediately distrusted the place, considering that nearly all of the other ruins they'd been to in the past had harbored some incredibly dangerous ancient Pokémon or even the evil spirit of an ancient king, and he didn't want his trainer to be possessed and turned into a Lu-Gi-Oh character. _Again._

Of course, rather than be sensible Ash and the others had demonstrated their trademark lack of common sense or pattern recognition and instantly wandered into the ruins without worrying about what kind of malevolent forces they might possibly unleash. (Although to be fair, Pikachu wasn't certain that whatever power rested here was malevolent. The whole place felt too…nice and peaceful to be the resting place of an ancient evil. It still felt like there was _something_ here, though, and so he was still on edge.) He frowned, narrowing his eyes at the sword. Considering its central positioning in the ruins and the inscription, it was clear that whatever was going on here revolved around the blade…

He was unsurprised when Ash stepped forward and reached for the sword. "What are you doing?" Iris asked in puzzlement.

"Trying to take the sword out," Ash said.

"…Why?" Iris asked in confusion.

Ash shrugged. "Well, it's here, isn't it? And there's a prophecy or something…so…"

Iris raised an eyebrow before bursting into laughter. "Wait, are you seriously telling me you think you're the 'hero of legend' it's talking about?"

Ash frowned. "Well, how do you know I'm not? I've saved the world like over a dozen times now, and have been in maybe half as many prophecies!"

Iris rolled her eyes. "Yeah, so you keep trying to tell me."

"I'm not making it up! I really did all those things!" Ash insisted angrily.

"Uh-huh. Then why haven't I heard about it?" Iris asked skeptically.

"…I dunno. A lot of it wasn't really publicized, I guess…" Ash muttered.

"I'm _sure_ that's the reason," Iris said, voice dripping with sarcasm. Pikachu had to resist an urge to electrify her. "You _are_ such a kid."

"Oh yeah? Well, I'll show you!" Ash snapped, ire rising. He wrapped his hands around the hilt of the sword and pulled…

And pulled…

And pulled…

And kept pulling until he was red in the face and sweat was rolling down his forehead and finally he had to stop and slump to the ground, panting in exhaustion, because the stupid sword would not budge an inch. "This stupid sword won't budge an inch!" he complained.

"Well, duh. It's only been sitting out here in the open for Arceus knows how long, exposed to the elements. It probably got rusted in place or something," Iris sniffed.

Cilan shook his head. "No, I don't think so. There isn't any sign of rust or wear or any kind of damage whatsoever on either the sword or the pedestal. The ravages of time have claimed the ruins around us…but this sword is so pristine it looks like it was just planted here a few minutes ago."

"Then why couldn't I pull it out?" Ash asked.

Cilan shrugged. "I guess you're not the hero of legend."

Ash blinked. "…Huh. That's new."

Iris rolled her eyes. "Please. The chance of _you_ being a hero of legend is even lower than me being one!"

"Then why don't you try to pull it out and see what happens?!" Ash snapped.

"All right, I will," Iris huffed, rolling up her sleeves and shoving Ash out of the way as she wrapped her hands around the hilt and tugged with all her might. The sword didn't move. She shrugged. "See? It's just a stupid sword."

"Or maybe you're not the hero of legend," Cilan suggested.

She snorted. "There is no hero of legend! It's just some stupid sword that's stuck in a stone!"

"Funny, you're usually the first one to believe in supernatural stuff," Ash commented.

"I don't see anything supernatural here. Just a stupid sword stuck in a stupid stone in the middle of a stupid forest because someone stupid got us lost," Iris said flatly.

"Hey, that weird kid was making faces and wiggling his butt at me! I couldn't let him get away with that!" Ash insisted.

"Riiiight, the scarecrow kid," Iris said sarcastically. "And where is this so-called 'scarecrow kid' that supposedly led you all this way?"

Ash grimaced. "Well…I dunno…"

"Which means he either doesn't exist, or he's an evil spirit who lured us all the way out to the middle of nowhere so we'd never find our way out of here and starve to death. Either way, it's all your fault," Iris said.

"Iris, there are no such things as evil spirits," Cilan said as he examined the sword from every angle.

"Then what do you call all the Ghost Pokémon we've run into that caused trouble and stuff?" Iris asked.

"Those are Ghost Pokémon, not spirits," Cilan said.

Iris raised an eyebrow. "I fail to see the distinction."

"Yeah, same here," Ash said.

Cilan fidgeted uncertainly. "Well…um…let's see if I can't pull this thing out," he said, quickly changing the subject as he grabbed the sword's hilt and pulled on it with all his strength. Just like before, it wouldn't budge. "Well, guess I'm not the hero of legend…or a sword connoisseur."

"Big surprise," Iris grumbled. "Well, guess that's that. We came all this way for nothing. Ash, if we run out of food before we find our way out of here, you'll be the first to get fed to Axew."

Ash's eyes bulged out of their sockets and he stumbled back in alarm. "Bwaahhh?!"

"Ew Axew!" Axew chirped, licking his lips and looking at Ash hungrily. As Ash swallowed nervously, Pikachu growled and tensed up, cheeks sparking with electricity.

"Nobody's going to be fed to Axew, because we're going to get out of here in one piece!" Cilan said firmly as he got between Iris and Ash, serving as intermediary, as usual. "Now let's just calm down and try to find the way out of here, okay?"

"Okay," his younger companions said, chastened.

Cilan nodded, pleased with this resolution. "Good. Now, let's see…judging by the sunlight, the Sun is over there, meaning West is _that_ way…and the next town is to the southeast of the forest…so we need to go that way…"

As Cilan spun around, using environmental cues to try and figure out which way to go, Ash crossed his arms and sulked, shooting an annoyed glance at the recalcitrant Master Sword. "Stupid sword…says I'm not the hero of legend? It's probably not even real…bet that dumb scarecrow kid put it there as a prank. If I ever see him again, I'm gonna-"

"Gonna what?" the skull-faced thing dressed up as a tattered red scarecrow asked as it dangled upside-down from a nearby branch right in Ash's face.

"GWAH!" Ash screamed in alarm, stumbling backwards.

"AAAAHHH! MONSTER!" Iris shrieked.

"N-now, just calm down, it's probably just a kid in a mask!" Cilan stammered, trying to regain his composure.

"You're right, I am!" the creature said cheerfully as it reached up and took off the skull-shaped mask it was wearing…

And revealing that beneath it was a pitch-black face with glowing orange eyes and yellow lips that was utterly inhuman and looked more like a Jynx, except male. Probably. "Is this better?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" everyone screamed.

"Pikachu, Thunderbolt, now!" Ash cried.

Nodding, Pikachu leaped off of Ash's shoulder, cheeks crackling as he gathered up power. "Piiikaaaaa-"

"Ooh, pretty! But no," the creature said, grinning as it whipped out a large trumpet and blew into it, a blast of air bursting out of the end and slamming into Pikachu with a startling amount of force, disrupting his charge and flinging him back into Ash's chest, knocking the boy over…

And causing them to fall backwards towards the sword, Ash yelping as the crossguard bit into his back and dropping Pikachu, who landed on top of the pedestal, his tail touching the sword's blade. He blinked in surprise when the sword began to glow. "P-Pika?"

Everyone's jaws dropped in astonishment, except for the scarecrow kid, who was grinning triumphantly. "Wh-what the…" Cilan stammered.

"No way…_both_ of you are the hero of legend?!" Iris cried incredulously.

"…Huh. I did not see that coming," a dumbfounded Ash said.

"Axew Axew!" Axew squealed in terror as he let loose his bowels in Iris's hair, as he often did. She never seemed to notice.

"P-pika? Pichupi pika! Pika Pikachu!" Pikachu squeaked in alarm as a pillar of blue light rose from the pedestal, enveloping him, Ash, and the sword.

"Uh-oh…what's happening now?" Ash moaned.

"What's going on?!" Cilan demanded in alarm.

"Oh, nothing much, just the complete rewriting of reality as your world is transformed into mine!" the scarecrow creature said cheerfully, much to their horror. "Don't worry; you'll love the new world! Why, soon enough, you won't even remember the old one…literally. Because it'll never have existed, so there'll be nothing to remember! Kehehehehe! Hyrule, here we come!"

He played a celebratory tune on his trumpet as the blue light increased in intensity and rushed out from the pedestal, enveloping all of them…

And then everything went black.

…

"Hey. Hey! HEY! Get up! It's time to wake up, you lazy rat! We've got adventuring to do, and not all day to do it in! So get up already!" a sharp-tongued voice shouted in his ear, rudely waking him from his restful slumber.

"Gah! I'm up, I'm up!" Ashlink said as he sat up from his sleeping bag, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with his yellow paws. "Sheesh…do you always have to do that, Midstyna?"

The somewhat humanoid shadow with one blue eye and a shock of red on top vaguely resembling hair levitating next to him huffed and crossed her arms in annoyance. "I wouldn't have to do that if you'd get up at a more reasonable hour! The Sun rose ages ago, we have to get going if we're going to make it to the next town before nightfall. And while I prefer the darkness myself, I know how squeamish your kind gets about venturing into monster-infested dungeons after the sun goes down, though I'm not really sure the time of day makes any difference. Well, unless it's full of monsters and contraptions that change forms depending on time or the Sun or Moon. Which I don't think the next Gym is. Though I could be wrong, considering the way some of the last ones were set up. I swear, if the weirdoes who'd built those places hadn't all died hundreds of years ago I'd curse them for setting up all those lethal deathtraps. Exactly what purpose do they have other than to make our lives more difficult? I mean, it's not like they seem to stop the monsters from getting in, which is weird, since I was pretty sure most of these places are supposed to be 'sacred,' so monsters shouldn't even _be_ there…this stupid Light Realm makes no sense!"

"I'm sure I'd say the same thing about your world," Ashlink said as he rose to his feet, stretching his limbs and zigzagging lightning bolt-shaped tail, his red cheeks crackling as he vented some excess static generated by his sleep.

She glared at him. "You'd better not! Not within earshot of me, in any event!"

Ashlink chuckled as he started to slip on his green tunic and white stockings. "I wouldn't dream of it. Let's get something to eat, take down the camp, and head out. Despite what you might think, I have no problem going to the next temple after dark, but I'd rather be safe and sound in town by then as opposed to spending another night here in the monster-infested wilderness."

Midstyna smirked. "Please, you can take any of the things that wander around after dark! And it's not like any of them can break through the wards I set up, anyway."

"Maybe not, but the roars of frustration they make when trying to penetrate them make it hard for a hero to get some sleep, hence why I have such a bad habit of sleeping in late these days," Ashlink said as he put his long green cap on his head, right between his long, fuzzy ears.

"…Hmm. Point," Midstyna admitted, watching as the Hero of Lightning reached into his shadow and started sifting through the magical pocket she'd planted there that held all of his weapons and gear—of which he had quite a lot—to make sure that everything was there. "You don't need to do that, you know, I'd tell you if something got lost. Which would never happen. I'm the goddessesdamned Princess of the Twilight Region, not some rookie who's just cast her first spell."

"Oh, I know, it just gives me some peace of mind to know it's all there,"AshLink said as he withdrew his paws from his shadow and turned to his sleeping bag, rolling it up to store with the rest of his gear. "We Light Realmers (is that a word?) aren't used to having magical pockets where we can stuff everything important to retrieve at a moment's notice. Before I met you, I had to carry all my stuff the old-fashioned way: on my body, and in my items pouch."

"Then it's a good thing you met me, because I can't imagine how you could possibly have lasted this long lugging around half the stuff you've picked up on this adventure all by yourself," Midstyna commented as Link shoved his sleeping bag into his shadow. "Or without me to watch your back."

Ashlink smirked as he strapped on his trusty unbreakable Hylian Shield and the legendary Master Sword, which he refused to store in his shadow and always kept within arm's reach no matter where he went. "What would I do without you, Midstyna?"

"You'd be dead in a ditch or in a monster's belly," she said.

"I'm pretty sure both of those have already happened to me at least once. And was always undone thanks to this," he said, turning over his left paw to show the triangular marking made of three smaller triangles on the back.

"Then you'd be dead in a ditch or in a monster's belly more often than usual," Midstyna said with a grimace, not liking to ponder the ramifications of how the sacred artifact her partner possessed somehow rewound time a few seconds every time he got killed to allow him another chance to get it right, and he was the only one who seemed to remember it happening. She'd asked him once how he hadn't been driven insane by this cycle, to which he'd shrugged and said it had been more than a little freaky at first, but he'd gotten used to it. "So let's get a move on, shall we? Time's a wasting."

"All right, but you know as well as I do there isn't really that much of a rush. Since Ganovanni hasn't taken over the world yet despite having Princess Zeldawn in his clutches, I'm pretty sure he's not going to get around to it anytime soon, especially since he needs this to do it," Ashlink said, tapping the triangular emblem again.

"That's true, but the longer we take, the longer Princess Zeldawn has to spend in his company," Midstyna pointed out. "And the more time his minions have to ravage the countryside, _and_ for my idiot sisters to run the Twilight Region into the ground with their idiotic rule. Ugh, they've probably turned the place from a proud warrior-mage society to a freaking beauty pageant by now…"

"Point taken," Ashlink admitted as he slipped out through the entrance of his tent and into the forest clearing where he'd set up camp the night before. The sun was shining brightly, and birds were singing beautifully in the tree branches towering over him. He inhaled, taking a deep breath of the calm, cool forest air and the spell of life and growing things. Another beautiful morning in the Hyrule Region. "The sooner we collect all eight Badges from the Gym Sages, the sooner I can purify the Elite Four, defeat Ganovanni, rescue the Princess, break the curse he cast on you, and get you home."

"Right," Midstyna said, although she looked slightly hesitant at the mention of the last part. "Home…"

This did not go unnoticed by Ashlink, who had started to disassemble the tent. "You know, just because you have to go back to your own Region doesn't mean you can't still visit and keep in touch. I mean, unless you're going to do something stupid like destroy the portal from your end to keep our realms separate." He paused and shot his companion a worried look. "You're…_not_ going to do something like that, right?"

"N-no, of course not!" she stammered. Somehow, despite the fact that she was just a shadow, Ashlink could swear he saw her cheeks blush as red as her hair. "I mean…well…"

A pang of worry shot through Ashlink. "Well? Well what?"

"The thought…_did_ occur to me at one point," she said quietly, not looking at him as she drifted across the clearing. Ashlink stifled the response that leapt to his lips and set his jaw, waiting for her to finish. She glanced upwards, at the Sun which her own land lacked, as birdsong serenaded her pointy ears. "But…I'm not sure I could stand never being able to see Hyrule again. The first time I came here, I found it disgusting, way too bright and filled with such eye-searing colors. And people and Pokémon who were so smelly and stupid and _ugly._ And the fact that it's sort of lethal to my kind doesn't help. And-"

"Are you going somewhere with this?" Ashlink asked deadpan.

"Shut up and don't interrupt me!" she snapped, flushing again. "Like I said, originally I didn't care what happened to your region, so long as I could save mine. But…after all the time I've spent traveling with you…and seeing the kindness and courage people like you and Zeldawn and some of the other amazing friends we've made have…this place, and its people, have started to grow on me. I guess I wouldn't mind coming back every now and then…"

"Well, I'd be more than happy to have you here," Ashlink said. "Although, will you still feel like sticking around a guy like me once you're back to being the all-powerful ruler of an entire Region again?"

"Hey! Don't even joke about that!" she said sharply, surprising him. "I'll…I'll _always_ have time for you."

Ashlink stared at her in surprise as she glanced away, another flushed look on her face. After a while, he broke into a warm smile. "Thank you, Midstyna. That's…that's good to know."

"And…and just so you know, you can come visit me in the Twilight Region whenever you want, too," Midstyna stammered, trying to regain her composure. "You'll be given a hero's welcome for putting me back on the throne and all. Heck, you may like it so much you might never want to come back to Hyrule!" _Or…leave me…_ she thought quietly to herself.

He smirked. "I'll keep that in mind." With that said he completed his task and shoved the components of his tent into his shadow. He reached into one of the pouch on the belt wrapped around his waist and took out a horseshoe-shaped charm. "Now, it's time to get a move on." He raised the charm to his lips and blew into it, the item's hollow tubes carrying his breath and channeling it into a sharp, piercing whistle that caused both their ears to flinch.

"Ugh…does that always have to be so high-pitched?" Midstyna complained, rubbing her ears.

"Well, it does have to carry a long way…" Ashlink commented, massaging his own ears.

They heard a neigh off in the distance, followed by the sound of hooves crunching grass and dead leaves underfoot as the form of a magnificent red Ponyta with brown flames for a mane and tail galloped towards them, the ornate beads inlaid in the saddle and stirrups slung over her back flashing in the sunlight as she passed through the shafts of light streaming through the forest canopy. She slowed to a canter as she burst into the clearing and trotted over to the Pikachu, bending her head down to nuzzle him affectionately, the green-clad hero laughing as she licked at his face. "Maypona cut it out!"

_Dumb horse,_ Midstyna thought to herself, hiding the pang of envy she always seemed to get whenever Ashlink's steed—or any female for that matter, whether they be human or Pokémon or monster or other creature—showed a little _too_ much interest in her companion. _The dogs we have back in the Twilight Region are much cooler. And faster. And smarter. And better in every way. _Out loud, she asked, "Where the heck is she when she's not with us, anyway? And how does she always get to wherever we are only a few seconds after you blow that horse call?"

Ashlink shrugged as he stroked Maypona's face. "Well, either it's some kind of magic that's been instilled in her breed by the Laramie clan over their centuries of ranching and animal husbandry, or she's secretly been stalking us so she's always _just_ in time to come whenever I call for her."

Midstyna's eyes widened in alarm, and then narrowed suspiciously at the Ponyta, wondering if the equine was smarter than she let on. _I'm watching you_, she thought, pointing from her eyes to Maypona with a serious look on her face. Maypona did not respond, though whether it was because she was too stupid to, because she was that good an actor, or because she couldn't see Midstyna due to the fact that she was only a shadow that a very small number of people seemed to be able to perceive was up in the air.

Ashlink slung himself into the saddle on Maypona's back and took the reins. "Okay, let's get a move on. Hya, Maypona! Let's ride!" He tugged on the reins, causing Maypona to whinny as she reared back in the air and flailed her front hooves before setting off at a swift gallop into the forest.

"Hey, wait for me!" Midstyna cried in alarm, quickly flowing into her partner's shadow before she could be left behind.

Mounted on his trusty steed, Ashlink made good progress as he and his companions traveled towards their next destination. Along the way they were occasionally waylaid by Skullvantulas, Carnibabas, and Deku Oddish, but from Maypona's back Ashlink was able to make quick work of these foes, his Bonemerang and sword and shield and Maypona's iron-shod hooves trampling all the monsters that stood in his way. Nothing capable of posing a real challenge to the hero hindered his path.

At least, not until the ground opened up without warning beneath Maypona's hooves and the three of them began to plummet into a deep pit with wooden stakes waiting at the bottom. "Clawshots! Now!" Ashlink shouted to Midstyna, who quickly used her dark magic to make a pair of gauntlets that ended in three-fingered metal claws to appear on his paws. He quickly pointed one arm upward and gripped the trigger inside the gauntlet, causing the claw to launch off the end, a lengthy chain unwinding behind it as it shot into the air and grabbed onto a tree branch overhead. The chain immediately started retracting, yanking Ashlink off his saddle and out of the pit.

However, he did not intend to let Maypona fall to her death in his stead; as he rose out of the pit he pointed his second gauntlet down and fired the claw at his Ponyta's saddle. The claw shot into the pit and dug its fingers into the leather of the horse's saddle, the chain stopping her descent just before she could impale herself on the stakes and pulling her upwards along with her master, who ground his teeth as hard as he could and tried to ignore the extremely painful feeling like his body was about to be torn in two from Maypona's weight. (Had this not been such a serious and shocking moment, Midstyna might have thought to make a crack about the horse's diet and how her gut was getting a weeee bit large from all the extra stuff Ashlink was feeding her.) Ashlink immediately released the triggers in both gauntlets as soon as Maypona had cleared the edge of the pit, causing the claws to release their grip on the saddle and branch and drop both Pokémon safely to the ground.

"Yikes! That was a close one," Midstyna commented as Ashlink and Maypona landed on their feet, though the longer-legged Ponyta stumbled and nearly fell over from the impact. Ashlink, who had much better balance, immediately shoved his Clawshots back into shadow and drew his sword, the magnificent blade ringing beautifully as it cut through the air. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. The ones behind this won't be, though! Show yourselves!" Ashlink shouted angrily, cheeks crackling with barely-controlled electric fury.

Three obnoxious and all-too familiar voices laughed in amusement at the hero's ire. "What a question, twerpish indeed!" a voice that might charitably be called female screeched.

"We'll answer these questions when we feel the need!" a voice that might charitably be called male cackled.

There was a small explosion, and foul-smelling purple mist billowed out across the ground, causing Ashlink to cough and swipe his sword at the smog to clear it away as a trio of figures, one very short, one medium-sized and skinny, and one tall and VERY large appeared in the fog. "Bringing the all-encompassing shadow of evil into the future!" the possibly female one said.

"Thrusting the hammer of tyranny on the white justice of the universe!" the possibly male one said.

"Carving our name in da Rock of Eternity!" a nasal, also possibly male voice chattered.

An incredibly obese female Moblin carrying a spear twirled out of the fog, causing her great flabs of red fatty flesh to wobble all over the place and her immense saggy breasts, which weren't even remotely concealed by the string bikini she was wearing, to flop about repulsively. She was wearing pink pantaloons, pointy red shoes that didn't look like they were large enough for her feet, lots of gaudy jewelry, a half-veil over her face that did nothing to hide how ugly she was, and very long red hair in a ponytail that was probably a wig, since most Moblins didn't have hair in the first place. "The fiery destroyer, Jessie!" the Moblin bellowed as she struck what she apparently thought to be a very sexy pose that made Ashlink want to throw up as flames exploded behind her.

A very skinny and effeminate green-eyed Bokoblin pranced out of the smoke next, wearing a white vest, hoop earrings, pierced nipples, classy undergarments far more…'exotic' than the ones most Bokoblins wore, and not much else. He also had a big blunt stick, having evidently proven so incapable at weaponry—even for a _Bokoblin_—that he hadn't been trusted with anything sharper or more dangerous to those around him. "With thunderous emotion, it's James!" he declared as he struck what he apparently thought to be a very sexy pose that made Ashlink want to throw up as electricity sparked behind him.

The finale member of the trio, a Meowth made completely out of bones to indicate that he was part of the Stalfos family of monsters, bounced out next, yellow eyes glowing evilly in the hollow sockets of his big, grinning skull. "Wisest of the wise, Meowth!" he declared as he struck what he apparently thought to be a very stylish pose that Ashlink thought made him look stupid as darkness billowed around him.

"And now gather, under the name of Team Gerocketudo!" the trio shouted as a big G made of purple flames blazed up behind them with an enormous shadowy figure looming in the background.

Midstyna groaned in annoyance. "Oh great, it's these morons again…wonderful. Didn't we just beat them up yesterday?"

"Team Gerocketudo! Didn't I just beat you guys up yesterday?" Ashlink asked angrily.

The trio of monsters who had been hassling Ashlink since the very beginning of his adventure made faces. "You did," James admitted unhappily. "It really hurt, too!"

"But that was then, and this is now, and today we'll destroy you and bring the Triforce of Courage back to the Master!" Jessie declared.

"And once we do dat, he'll have da whole Triforce, and can wish for da whole world to be his! He'll turn da planet into a playground of evil for monsters like us!" Meowth said gleefully.

"That will not happen on my watch!" Link said, swiping his sword through the air. "I was chosen by destiny to receive the Triforce of Courage…and it is my duty to protect it from all evildoers, whether they be incompetent lackeys like you or the King of Evil himself!"

"Hey! Who are you calling a lackey?!" James asked angrily.

"Um, James, we sort of are," Jessie said.

"Oh," James said. There was a pause. "What's a lackey?" Everyone facefaulted.

"Ugh, these _idiots…_you know, I'm starting to think the reason Ganovanni keeps sending these guys against us is either because he's hoping we'll kill ourselves out of frustration from having to deal with these morons all the time or because he's hoping it'll keep them from bothering him all the time," Midstyna groaned, wishing her offensive magic hadn't been weakened so much by the curse that left her trapped in her current imp-like state rather than her gorgeous royal Twili true form.

"Today, you nearly killed my horse," Ashlink said with cold fury as Maypona whinnied behind him. "Before, the three of you have been little more than an annoying nuisance…but if you keep this up, I'm going to kill you rather than just sending you blasting off as usual."

"Hey, why do you do that, anyway? I mean, you don't seem to have a problem killing every other monster we run into," Midstyna commented.

"It's not for lack of trying. It's just that, for some reason, killing blows only seem to send them flying rather than, you know, killing them," Ashlink replied. "It's kind of frustrating."

"It's frustrating for us, too," James whined.

"And painful!" Meowth agreed.

"But that won't happen anymore! Instead of you beating us soundly and sending us blasting off in a horribly painful explosion, we'll beat YOU soundly and send you blasting off in a horribly painful explosion!" Jessie said gleefully.

Ashlink blinked. "…I thought you were going to kill me and take my Triforce of Courage."

There was an awkward pause. "Um. Yes! That too!" Jessie said quickly.

Midstyna rolled her eyes. "Oh brother. I guess Ganovanni never bothered telling them about your virtual immortality, did he?"

"Probably not. Assuming he knows. He might not," Ashlink said.

"Whatever," Midstyna said, not really caring.

"You've been singing that same tune every time we encounter each other," Ashlink said to the Gerocketudo. "Why should this time be any different? Or have you actually managed to round up a monster for me to fight that's of the same quality as the ones I usually battle at the end of the Gyms I've been clearing of your master's forces?"

The trio's faces fell, clearly disappointed Ashlink had figured out their surprise. "Well…sort of," James said.

Ashlink raised an eyebrow. "Sort of?"

"We don't have a monster that strong _yet_," Jessie said.

Midstyna snorted. "Figures."

"But we're about to, because da Master gave us DIS!" Meowth declared, raising a pair of metal tongs with ornate glowing runes engraved in them. Held between the tongs was a small fragment of stone with strange carvings on it that was radiating an eerie black light and didn't quite look like a regular rock, but more like…darkness that had somehow been made solid.

Ashlink and Midstyna's eyes widened, immediately recognizing the incredibly dangerous artifact being clutched by the Stalcat. "That's a Fused Shadow!" Ashlink cried.

"Or a small piece of it, anyway!" said the alarmed Midstyna. When her evil and moronic sisters had overpowered her with the help of Ganovanni and banished her from the Twilight Region, her people's ultimate weapon, the Fused Shadow, had been shattered, its fragments scattered across Hyrule. As ancient artifacts of doom tend to, any creature, good or evil, that stumbled across one was warped by its dark power and twisted into incredibly dangerous monsters. Naturally, Ganovanni was trying to collect as many as he could to bolster his army, while Midstyna required them to break her curse and regain the power she needed to retake her throne. She had initially teamed up with Ashlink solely for this reason, to regain the fragments Ganovanni had taken, but was now in the quest for the long haul, not just to save her own realm but Ashlink's as well. "I can't believe Ganovanni trusted _these_ three with something so dangerous!"

"Well, that's probably why he gave them such a small piece," Ashlink reasoned. "That or he figured that if they didn't succeed in killing me, its power would overwhelm and destroy them so he wouldn't have to deal with them anymore. A win-win either way."

"No, it's going to be a lose-lose for you!" Jessie sneered.

"All we need is an indigenous monster or Pokémon to use dis baby on, and we've got a boss-level beast for you ta fight, radder dan da mini-boss grade stuff we've been forced to rely on so far!" Meowth said eagerly, raising the Fused Shadow into the air.

"And I think I see an ideal specimen right over there!" James said, pointing to a Carnibaba lolling about nearby, the big-mouthed plant monster snapping at passing flies and leaves.

Jessie nodded, her many chins waggling unattractively. "Just add a little Dark Power, and you'll find yourself facing a weed even you might have trouble whacking, hero!"

"What, another plant boss? Didn't we already beat one of those?" Midstyna complained.

"Team Gerocketudo, don't do this! You have no idea what kind of power you're dealing with! It could destroy you, too!" Ashlink warned the trio.

"Oh really? We'll just see about that! Give me those!" James said, snatching the tongs from Meowth's bony paws.

"Hey, I was holding dat! I wanted to be da one to turn it into a boss monster!" Meowth whined.

"Too bad, I'm closer!" James said, sticking out his tongue. He turned towards the Carnibaba and raised the tongs dramatically into the air. "All right, you low-level sprout, prepare for a dose of Miracle-Gro! EVIL Miracle-Gro! MuhahahahahAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!" he screamed as the Carnibaba lunged forwards and enveloped his head in its enormous mouth.

Ashlink shook his head as Midstyna burst into laughter, clutching her sides as she rolled through the air. "Don't you just hate when that happens? I certainly do."

"GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" James screamed, flailing his arms frantically about as he banged them against the Carnibaba's head while the Mareepish Jessie and Meowth tried to extricate their teammate. As he did so, however, his thrashing caused the tongs to lose their grip on their precious cargo and send the incredibly volatile artifact of ancient power flying high into the air. All eyes shot upwards to lock on the stone shard as it rose above them, reached the azimuth of its ascent…

And then began to fall back towards them. "Oh, crap," Midstyna said.

"I've got it! I've got it!" Jessie and James screamed as they frantically scrambled about, trying to catch the Fused Shadow as it fell back towards them.

"You fools! If you touch it with your bare hands, it'll transform you!" Ashlink shouted at them.

Their eyes widened in horror. "I DON'T GOT IT! I DON'T GOT IT!" they screamed, frantically scrambling out of the way.

"SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF HERE!" James screamed as he panicked, kicking his legs wildly and catching Jessie in the back as she tried to get away from the plummeting shard, knocking her over and causing her to fall on her face, the ground shaking slightly from the impact of her massive weight.

Eyes wide in terror, she struggled to pull herself up, only to find herself unable to get off the ground. "I-I can't get up! All my jewelry is weighing me down!"

Meowth's eyes glanced about shiftily. "…Jewelry. Yeah. Dat's why."

The Fused Shadow fell from the sky…

And landed right on Jessie's forehead. The forest went silent as everyone stared at her, the Moblin's eyes crossing as they tried to focus on the unimaginably dangerous object perched on her brow. "Oh no," she whispered.

"Welp. This isn't gonna end well," Midstyna snarked.

This seemed to indeed be the case. The anti-light radiating from the Fused Shadow increased as it sunk into Jessie's forehead, passing through flesh and bone like it was water, causing the Moblin to gasp, her face twisted in agony. Her body started trembling, her many layers of fat wobbling even more than usual and causing her to ripple all over like a rather disgusting giant blob of gelatin as bolts of black and orange energy started crackling outwards from the spot on her forehead, Jessie screaming in agony as the dark power ravaged her form. Meowth backed away in horror while Ashlink gritted his teeth and raised his sword and shield as Jessie began to…_change._ Her body expanded outwards, growing bigger and bigger, her fat vanishing as muscles bulked up on her limbs and torso, her flesh turning blacker than the darkest night. Most of her jewelry and clothes disappeared, disintegrated by the dark power pumping through her body, but her many bangles and anklets transmuted into thick metal shackles, long chains sprouting from their sides and dangling to the ground. Her teeth turned into fangs and tusks and a helm vaguely reminiscent of an Emboar's head materialized over her face. A large gemstone that looked sort of like a reptilian eye extruded from the jaws of a sculpted monster face on her forehead, beginning to glow a sinister orange light as her eyes glowed red and her screams turned into deep, hoarse breaths. As the light from the gem intensified, she slowly she rose to her feet, her chains clanking and clattering against the ground and each other as she lifted her arms off the ground and towered above them, the top of her head just breaking through the lowest reaches of the leafy canopy overhead. The thing that had been Jessie threw back its head and roared as, without warning, it burst into flames, the blast scorching the bark on several of the nearby trees, blowing branches and leaves back, and causing Meowth to scream and scurry back from the monster as fast as he could, while the Carnibaba decided staying around would probably be hazardous to its health, spat out James, and pulled its stem and head into the ground to safety. The Bokoblin blinked stupidly up at what had once been his partner, then squealed in terror, wet his stylish undergarments, and turned to run, smashing right into a tree. He fell to the ground, tweeting Pidoves circling his head.

Blazing brilliantly, its shackles glowing red-hot from the heat their wearer was generating, the monster roared at Ashlink, who set his jaw in determination and raised his sword in readiness for battle.

TWILIT IGNITER

FYRUS

"Well, it's a real boss all right," Midstyna said after a moment, eyes wide. "It got subtitles and everything!"

Ashlink sighed. "Didn't we already beat a fire boss?"

"Yeah, but I guess there's no reason you can't fight two on the same adventure," Midstyna commented. "Even if it does reek of lazy quest design."

"Well, she calls herself the 'fiery destroyer,' so I guess it makes sense that she'd become a fire monster. Well, no, it doesn't, really, but we can't expect much of anything to make sense where these clowns are concerned. Let's see what we're up against," Ashlink said as he pointed his sword at the flaming monster. "I can't imagine it'll put up much of a fight even if it _is_ powered by a Fused Shadow—I mean, come on, it _is_ a member of Team Gerocketudo—but let's see if there are any surprises we should worry about."

"I think you should probably just aim for the big glowing thing on its forehead. Big glowing things are usually the way to go. _Especially_ if they look like eyes," Midstyna intuited.

"You're probably right, but let's see what Dee says. Dee, analysis!" Ashlink commanded.

The jewel on the Master Sword's crossguard lit up as a monotone feminine voice began to speak from it. "Fyrus: the Twilit Igniter. This monster is the possessed form of the Moblin Jessie after a piece of the Fused Shadow took over her body. The body temperature of this creature is tremendous, so close contact would not be suggested unless the flames its body is generating can be dispelled. The fire is too strong to be blown out by your Whirlwind, so an alternative method will need to be used to extinguish its flames. Due to its fiery nature, it can emit flaming waves from its body, but does not possess fire breath, unlike most other flame-themed monsters. However, it makes up for the lack of a long-range breath attack with its chains, which have a lengthy reach and should be avoided at all costs, since they can be swung through the air with enough strength to shatter stone. The glowing jewel on its forehead is the source of its power and the manifestation of the Fused Shadow's dark influence. Destroying it should be your top priority."

"Toldja so," Midstyna said. Ashlink ignored her.

"A projectile strike to the jewel should stun the monster, but only the sacred power of the Master Sword can destroy it and break the Fused Shadow's hold on Jessie," Dee, the artificial spirit of the sword, continued. "If you can stun Fyrus then bring the jewel within range of your sword, you should be able to defeat it with ease."

"Okay, but how's he supposed to do that without getting burned up? The flames that thing is covered in are so hot that even I'm starting to swelter, and I'm just a shadow!" Midstyna complained.

"The monster's chains are made of a conductive metal. A strong enough electrical shock should disrupt the creature's protective fiery aura and grant you a chance to strike with your sword," Dee replied.

"Oh. That works," Midstyna said.

"A projectile, huh?" Ashlink mused, looking up at the jewel on Fyrus' forehead. "Somehow I don't think my Bonemerang's gonna cut it. Hmm…too bad I don't have a bow…yet, anyway."

"Not like you need one, anyway," Midstyna commented.

"True. A good Thundershock should do the trick-" He yelped and ducked as Fyrus swung a chain at him, the metal links flashing over his head and smashing into the trunk of a nearby tree, ripping it in half and causing the tree's upper part to crash to the ground. "As soon as I get out of range of those chains!" he finished as he scurried backwards, Fyrus bellowing and advancing towards him, swinging its chains about and setting the grass on fire with its flaming feet.

He ducked again as a chain nearly took his head off, flying past him and smashing into another tree, slicing through its trunk with alarming ease and causing the tree to start toppling right in the direction of Ashlink. "Look out!" Midstyna cried in alarm as the tree's shadow fell over the hero, soon to be followed by the rest of it. Looking up in surprise, Ashlink only hesitated for a moment before bringing his sword to bear, his sword flashing a half-dozen times through the air. There was a pause, and suddenly the falling tree exploded into several much smaller chunks of wood which fell around the Pikachu, throwing up grass and wood dust as they hit the ground. "Wow! Nice one!"

"Yeah, but it was a little too close," Ashlink said as he hopped backwards, barely evading another chain swing. The monster snarled in frustration and bellowed at him. Ashlink replied with a battle cry of his own as his cheeks crackled with electricity. "Piii…kaaaa…CHUUUU!" His body lit up with yellow light as a lightning bolt shot from him and struck the jewel on Fyrus' forehead, causing the beast to roar in pain and rear back its head, clutching its face in pain and stumbling about blindly, knocking over trees and starting more small fires in its unthinking rampage.

"That did it! But if it's anything like the other bosses we've fought, that won't keep it stunned for long!" Midstyna pointed out.

"Then let's try for something a little more permanent," Ashlink said as he ran behind the monster, dashing on all fours so that he could move with greater speed as well as more easily duck the chains and embers falling from Fyrus' body as it shambled about. When he reached the end of the chain trailing from the monster's leg shackle, he skidded to a halt, drew his sword again, and thrust it into the hole in the metal link, pinning it to the ground and causing the monster to stumble as it felt the chain pull taut, preventing it from taking another step forward. Before the creature could recover and pull itself free, Ashlink clenched his teeth and drew upon his natural power once again, crying out as a yellow nimbus blazed up around him and he channeled electricity through his sword and into the chain, causing bolts of static to crackle along its length as the powerful charge ran up the chain and into the shackle, causing Fyrus to scream in agony as hundreds of volts coursed through its body. Static crackling around its body, it collapsed to the ground, its flames extinguishing as it lay there in a daze, the glow from its eyes and jewel dimming.

"You've got it!" Midstyna cheered excitedly.

Ashlink nodded as he wrenched his sword from the ground. "And now to finish it off!" He pointed his sword heavenward, calling upon the blade's sacred power. A blue-white lightning bolt shot down from the ether, striking the sword's tip and causing the blade to light up with holy power. Holding the glowing blade out at his side, Ashlink ran around Fyrus' collapsed form and approached its head, knowing he only had moments to strike before the beast could recover and he would be forced to try again. Crying out with righteous fury, he thrust his sword into the jewel with all his might, unleashing the full power of his Skyward Strike on the cursed crystal. There was a blinding flash of blue-white energy as the sword discharged its holy power into the gem in a blast of heavenly light.

Immediately, Fyrus surged to his feet, rearing back and howling in agony as the glow from its jewel increased tremendously, although it looked almost like it was bleeding its energy out in incredible torrents rather than just emanating light. Fyrus thrashed about, lolling its head around and flailing its chains feebly through the air over Ashlink's head, completely missing the Pikachu. Finally, with a reluctant moan of defeat, the monster bent over, clutching its claws to its face, then reared back once more, arms thrust to its sides as it bellowed in anguish and the light from the jewel faded away completely right before it exploded in a cloud of black smoke, a large red heart-shaped crystal in an ornate frame flying from the resulting recess in the beast's head, bouncing a couple of times on the ground before coming to a stop next to Ashlink, slowly spinning in place on the point on its bottom.

"Oh, look, a Heart Container!" Ashlink said in delight, marveling at the heart-shaped jewel. "I was worried I might not get one since this was a boss fight out in the open, rather than one at the end of a dungeon!"

"Guess you were lucky this time." Midstyna frowned. "A little too lucky. Is it just me, or did that thing go down way too easily?"

"It's Jessie of Team Gerocketudo. What did you expect?" Ashlink countered.

"Ah. Point," Midstyna conceded.

Fyrus arced backwards, its arms hanging at its sides, and abruptly the darkness coating its skin exploded outwards in a flurry of black squares which spun lazily through the air as the monster shrunk back down to its original size and shape and collapsed to the ground. The squares hung in the air for a few seconds before converging into a single point over Ashlink's head and coalescing to form the fragment of Fused Shadow that had started this whole mess to begin with. As it slowly descended towards Ashlink, radiating anti-light, the Pikachu reflexively reached out to catch it, but thought better of it at the last second and drew back his paws, recalling what it had done to Jessie just from touching it.

Midstyna appeared before him and took care of the dangerous relic instead, her red hair morphing into a red hand which grabbed the Fused Shadow out of the air and pulled it into her body, the artifact vanishing into the mass of shadow making up her form. The darkness making up her form rippled and seemed to become just a little bit more solid. She sighed in relief. "Ahhhh…that's better. Another Fused Shadow back in my possession, rather than those morons. It wasn't a very large piece, but it's still brought me one step closer to regaining my throne. Thank you for getting it for me, Ashlink."

"No problem," the hero said. "We've seen enough of what those things can do in Ganovanni's hands. They're much better off in your care than his. I can trust you to use them properly, instead of abusing it for evil like he is."

She smiled gratefully. "Thank you, Ashlink. You have no idea how good it feels to hear that from you."

"About as good as I felt when you told me you were actually growing fond of Hyrule…and me, I suppose," Ashlink said with a smirk.

She blushed at this. "Y-yeah…something like that."

Chuckling, Ashlink turned and picked up the Heart Container sitting next to him, raising it triumphantly into the air over his head.

You got a Heart Container! Your life energy has been increased by one and fully replenished!

"Why do you always do that every time you get something?" Midstyna asked in puzzlement as the Heart Container was absorbed into Ashlink's body and he lowered his paws.

He shrugged. "I dunno. Just something I do."

"Like how you compulsively break pots in people's houses, rummage through their closets, and fall asleep in their beds?" Midstyna asked skeptically.

"Yep, pretty much," he said without the slightest hint of shame.

She snorted. "Some hero."

He raised an eyebrow. "Have you met any others before me?"

"Well, no," she admitted.

"Then you have nobody to compare me to," he said smugly. She sighed in exasperation.

"Jessie! Jessie!" James cried as he and Meowth rushed to the fallen Moblin and tried to help her off the ground. When they failed due to being too weak and her body being too heavy, they used their weapons as levers instead. It worked in rolling Jessie over, but also caused their weapons to break in the process.

As they stared at their ruined weapons in dismay, Jessie groaned and sat up, shaking her head and holding it with her right hand as she staggered to her feet, a pained look on her face. "Unngh…Urrgh…Hmm? What am I doing here? Unngh…my head…it aches…" she moaned.

"Well, having an artifact of dark power imbedded in your skull will do dat to ya," Meowth said. "I should know, I get stuff imbedded in my skull al da time!"

Jessie blinked. "Huh? That's right, I turned into a monster, and…and even with the power of the Fused Shadow, I lost?!"

"That's right," Ashlink said as he approached, sword drawn and crackling with electricity. "Even with one of the most dangerous artifacts ever to blight the land of Hyrule bolstering your strength, you _still_ weren't powerful enough to defeat me. If I were you, I would realize what that meant and call it quits before you go too far and get yourselves killed…but since I'm _not_ you, and the three of you seem to have a lousy time with pattern recognition, what do you say I just cut to the chase and finish you off now, once and for all?"

"Eeek! I think he really means it this time!" James squealed in terror.

"Let's get outta here!" Meowth said, pulling out a sphere that had been hidden in his rib cage and hurling it to the ground, where it exploded and caused them to vanish in a cloud of smoke.

"Whirlwind?" Midstyna guessed.

"Whirlwind," Ashlink said, holding out a paw. Midstyna materialized what looked like a handheld fan with three green blades and a hole on the back of the wooden mounting. Ashlink raised this hole to his lips and blew into it, causing the fan blades to spin and generate a surprisingly powerful gust of wind that blew the smoke away, revealing Team Gerocketudo, who had been trying to tip-toe away. They froze in place, looking like Deerling caught in headlights. Ashlink grinned viciously. "Where do you think you're going? The three of you aren't getting away that easily."

The trio laughed nervously. "Um, I don't suppose we could talk this over?" James asked anxiously, sweat rolling down his face in droves.

Still grinning, Ashlink raised his sword into the air. A lightning bolt shot down and struck it, causing the blade to light up with a blue-white light as it was filled with holy power. "Nope."

"OH NOOOOOOOO!" the trio screamed, Jessie and James leaping into Meowth's arms and nearly crushing him as Ashlink swung his sword horizontally through the air, sending a crescent-shaped blue shockwave sailing towards them. "NOT AGAAAAAAAIIIIIIIN!"

The shockwave struck them. There was a tremendous explosion, and the three Gerocketudo were sent flying into the air. "LOOKS LIKE TEAM GEROCKETUDO'S BLASTING OFF AGAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIN!" They vanished with a twinkle into the distance.

"Darn! You didn't kill them!" Midstyna complained.

"Oh well. There's always next time," Ashlink said resignedly as he sheathed his sword, knowing full well there was absolutely going to _be_ a next time. "How long did that little distraction take? Do you think we can still make it to the next town before nightfall?"

"Yeah, I think so," Midstyna said. "It's not like they took up that much time. It was just Team Gerocketudo, after all!"

"Heh, true," Ashlink said. "All right then, let's get going. Maypona, can you keep going?" The Ponyta, who had been resting on the sidelines all this time, whinnied and rose to her hooves, nodding enthusiastically. "Excellent," Ashlink said, swinging up into her saddle and grabbing her reins. "Then let's go! Giddy-up, girl!"

Maypona neighed and flailed her hooves before setting off at a speedy gallop, Midstyna quickly hopping into her shadow so as not to be left behind. They vanished amidst the trees, setting off for the next stage of their grand adventure.

From the tree branch where he had been watching everything, the scarecrow-like Skull Kid giggled in amusement at the events he had just witnessed. Pleased with how successful his attempt to shake things up had gone, he backflipped off the branch and vanished in a swirl of leaves.

…

Hyrule Castle had once been the pinnacle of Hylian innovation, architecture, and craftsmanship, a magnificent castle of shining white stone rising above all other buildings in the realm, its thirteen awe-inspiring towers—eight for the Gym Sages who governed the balance of the elemental forces of magic, four for the Elite Four chosen by the gods to defend the realm, and one for the Royal Family chosen by the gods to reign over the realm—stretching up into the very heavens themselves, with clouds actually getting trapped among some of the tallest spires. The castle, named one of the Wonders of the World, was placed at the center of the region and visible from almost every corner of it, the imposing Mt. Coronet one of the few landmarks in the realm that was actually taller than it, and even then it wasn't by much. For centuries, the rulers of Hyrule had wisely reigned over the land from their seat of power in this gargantuan castle, so immense and densely populated that it was in fact considered a city of its own, maintaining order and peace and safeguarding the region's greatest treasures from those who would use them for their own nefarious purposes.

The dark citadel currently sitting in the center of the country, a grievous blot on the beautiful green plains surrounding it, bore little resemblance to the bright castle that had been there since time immemorial, thanks in no small part to the efforts of its current lord and master. Where the castle once stood was now a gaping pit of lava surrounded by blackened and broken ruins. A new castle floated above the lava pit, perched atop a chunk of levitating rock that didn't seem to have got the memo about how the laws of gravity applied to it. This castle wasn't quite as tall as the previous one, but was a close second, and far more foreboding in nature. Pitch-black towers jutted upwards like claws reaching for the sky, obsidian walls with spiked parapets forming numerous layered barriers around the spires and buildings and rendering the castle impenetrable to attack. Where once flags and pennants and banners depicting the Royal Family's Crest, a stylized Flying Pokémon with the Triforce framed between its wings and beak, had waved freely in the breeze now hung emblems of a large red G resembling a crescent moon with a star-shaped R framed in the gap in the circle as well as a vaguely diamond-shaped icon with a formation like a sideways wrench dividing it horizontally with a pair of circles like 'eyes' held in the grip on each end of the ranch. A perpetual storm cloud hung over the castle, rumbling ominously and casting a pall of darkness over the land. Armies of fearsome monsters and beautiful female human warriors marched across the various walkways and bridges connecting the many walls and towers and buildings of the massive structure together, while winged beasts circled the air around it and other monsters patrolled the ruins and increasingly barren wastes surrounding the pit beneath the castle, while in the pit itself Fire-type Pokémon and other molten monsters swam about in the liquid rock.

At the peak of the tallest tower of the castle was the private office of the citadel's ruler. It had once been the throne room of the Royal Family of Hyrule, but since taking over and repurposing the castle for his own use it was his now, and he had converted it into an office where he could take care of the myriad important matters and minutiae that came from running an evil empire. Much like the rest of the castle, the office was dark and imposing to reflect its master. Gothic chandeliers illuminating the massive, high-walled chamber hung from the ceiling yet somehow failed to bring light into the room's darkest corners…and there were many places where shadows remained even though the light was shining right at them. Stained glass windows depicting scenes of struggle and survival in a harsh desert, followed by images of violence and warfare as the dwellers of the desert managed to invade the green lands just outside their borders and claim them for their own with the aid of monsters led by a black-clad figure holding a golden triangle over its head, lined the walls, interspersed between statues of monstrous creatures and banners of the same icons on display outside. A red carpet ran from the massive double doors at the office's entrance across the tiled floor and between the towering pillars engraved with runes and sinister demons holding up the ceiling to the desk at the back of the room, an immense slab of black rock that looked like it could double as a sacrificial altar. (Actually, according to the blood-red runes engraved on its sides and the iconography of people being executed on top of it, it probably was.) The desk was covered with paperwork, spare pens and inkwells, a coffee mug with '#1 Evil King' written on it, and the sorts of desk toys you would find in any office on any world, including those cool little suspended metal balls that clack against each other if you pull one back and let it knock into the rest. The wall just behind the desk was taken up by a massive demonic-looking pipe organ. Sticking out of the wall above the pipe organ were the head and arms of a horrific monster looking sort of like a Persian, with a giant solid gold Triforce clutched between its claws. Floating in the triangular hole in the center of that Triforce was a large amber crystal, and suspended within that crystal was a very beautiful blonde-furred and blue-eared Lopunny wearing a white and pink dress with golden epaulets, white gloves going up to her elbows, and an ornate necklace and tiara. She was unconscious, but her face was twisted in anguish, indicating she was not having a pleasant slumber.

Seated in an ornate and incredibly comfortable throne with red upholstery just behind the desk was the lord of the castle itself, a massively built olive-skinned man with bright red hair and yellow eyes wearing a black suit with gold trim that looked like a mix between the outfit of a successful businessman and the general of a nation-conquering army with a long red cape hanging down his back. He wore an ornate necklace of turquoise metal with several large yellow gems set in it around his neck, and an ornament of similar design set on his forehead. Boots, gauntlets, and a mantle of black armor with more yellow jewels were worn over his suit, though considering how strong he looked and the unmistakable aura of power surrounding him it was questionable if he really needed it to protect himself. He was currently occupied with signing off on several requisition forms, budget statements, and letters from fans when he paused in the middle of writing his signature. He calmly set down his pen and sat back in his throne, clasping his hands in front of him. "I know you're there. There's no point in hiding from me."

There was a pause, and then a dark-skinned girl with a voluminous mane of knee-length white hair with a long black cloak, a tattoo of a weeping dragon's eye with three triangular eyelashes on her forehead, a sleeveless black shirt with the same symbol covering her scrawny and not yet fully matured chest, a red cloth belt with several feathers and a large red bow hanging from the side, and toeless boots shuffled out from behind the pillar where she'd been hiding, a surprised look on her face. "How did you know I was here?"

Ganovanni, Prince of Thieves of the Gerocketudo, King of Evil, and legendary Dark Lord smirked. "I could hear your breathing, dear girl. I'm disappointed. Are you really all that the Dragah have left to send against me? I had expected better of the legendary Dragah, guardians of the Royal Family. I must have words with my guards about tightening security around here if a girl as young as you were able to sneak in somehow."

"I'm only the first of many! We've got dozens of agents all over the place, ready to strike without warning! Your reign of terror is over, Ganovanni!" the girl boasted, pointing a finger at the evil overlord.

Ganovanni nodded, a bemused look on his face. "Ah, then that means the army I sent to wipe out your tribe was successful and you're the only one left. How disappointing that a whelp like you would be the last of the Dragon Folk. Such a pity."

"Wh-what? What are you talking about?!" the girl stammered in alarm. "I-I didn't come here alone! We've got plenty of-"

"My dear, don't bother lying. It's unbecoming of you, especially since you're clearly so bad at it," Ganovanni interrupted her, looking amused at the look of shock on her face. "I'm the Prince of Thieves, little one. You don't think I can't tell a lie when I hear one?"

The girl ground her teeth and struggled to hide her growing terror. "W-well…it doesn't matter! Your goons missed one when they went to exterminate my people, and too bad for you I'm the best there is! So get ready to face the wrath of Impris, last of the Dragah, because I'm here to avenge my tribe, rescue Princess Zeldawn, and free Hyrule from your evil clutches!"

"Ew Axew!" an Axew squeaked, poking its head out of her hair.

Ganovanni stared at the Dragon-type blankly. "…Young lady, are you aware that there's an Axew in your hair?"

"Of course I am! He's my partner!" Impris bragged.

"Axew Axew!" the Axew said proudly.

"Ah. Quite," Ganovanni said. "That doesn't seem particularly sanitary, but to each their own, I suppose. Very well. If you insist on perpetuating this farce, then I suppose I shall oblige you."

He rose from his seat. Even though he was several meters away, he still seemed to loom over Impris, who was suddenly starting to think that this had been a very, very bad idea. "Um…w-wow…you're a lot bigger than I thought you would be…" she said weakly.

"Yes, I get that a lot," Ganovanni said indifferently, walking around his desk to face her. "I suppose there is something poetic and fitting about this. Our people have been at war for generations, so it is only right that I, King of the Gerocketudo, should be the one to finish off the last of the meddlesome Dragah. I'm a little disappointed that you're a child, though. While I have no qualms in killing children if necessary, it seems like a waste of effort, and there's little honor to be gained from it. Still, since you came all this way to fight me, I suppose it would be cruel of me not to grant you the opportunity to avenge your people. As such, I will treat you as I would a serious opponent, and not hold back in the slightest. It would disrespect your loss and your motivations for me to do any less, wouldn't you agree?"

Impris swallowed nervously, face very pale. "Um…yeah…but, uh, I wouldn't mind personally if you held back a _little_, you know. It's okay with me. Really."

"A-A-Axew-ew-ew," her Axew agreed weakly, shivering and relieving himself in his mistress's hair out of fear.

A very evil grin formed on Ganovanni's face. "Oh no, I insist! You managed to make it all the way to my office without being caught or spotted, which means you must have _some_ skill! For me to underestimate that skill would be nothing short of foolish…and I am many things, but a fool is not one of them."

"Um…right…I-I guess that makes sense," Impris whimpered.

Ganovanni swished his cape and reached for the hilt of the sword sheathed at his side. "So, draw your weapon, and we shall begin."

Impris took a deep breath, mustering her courage. "O-okay…I can do this. I can do this. _We_ can do this! Come on Axew, let's go!"

"Axew Ax!" Axew chirped.

Whipping out a lengthy chain in one hand and a handful of needles in the other, Impris charged towards Ganovanni, shouting at the top of her lungs, Axew doing the same as he started charging up a Dragon Rage. Ganovanni narrowed his eyes as he readied himself, beginning to draw his sword…

When suddenly and completely without warning, one of the stained glass windows shattered as the screaming Jessie, James, and Meowth crashed through it and smashed into Impris and Axew, knocking them to the floor and crushing the would-be assassins under Jessie's grotesque bulk. Ganovanni blinked in surprise and let go of his sword. "Well, that was unexpected."

"Ohhhh…why does hitting the ground never get any easier?" James moaned. "You'd think after getting blasted off so many times, we'd be used to it by now…"

"Well, at least we landed on top of Jessie radder dan underneath her," Meowth said as he tried to regain his balance on the jiggling blubber of Jessie's back. "So we had something to cushion our fall."

"I think I landed on something," Jessie complained as she struggled to pull herself up, causing James and Meowth to slip off her back in the process. "It hurts my belly. And is it just me, or did we hit the ground faster than usual this time?"

"Hey yeah, we did, didn't we?" James realized.

Meowth nodded as he looked around. "Yeah, and dis place looks kinda familiar for some reason…and dat guy over dere bears an unsettling resemblance to Master Ganovanni."

"That's because I _am_ Ganovanni," Ganovanni said deadpan.

The three monsters squawked in horror and quickly stood at attention, saluting their supreme leader. "Master Ganovanni, sir!" they chorused.

"Ohhhhh…" Impris, who was embedded in Jessie's gut, moaned in agony, ruining the moment.

James blinked. "Hey Jess, I think you've got something stuck to your chest."

Jessie glanced down. "Hmm? What do you—ACK! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!" she screamed, shaking her belly and causing the rest of her fat to wiggle in response, forcing all of them—yes, even Ganovanni!—to look away in disgust.

Impris and Axew unpeeled off of Jessie's belly and fell to the ground, where they lay twitching and motionless. "That…could have gone better…" Impris gasped.

"Ax…ewewew…" Axew groaned, eyes swirly.

"Uh, Master, who is that?" James asked, pointing at Impris and Axew.

"Nobody important, just the last of the Dragah here to assassinate me," Ganovanni said.

"Oh, okay," James said.

"I take it from your rather…unexpected and undignified entrance that you failed to defeat the Hero?" Ganovanni asked pointedly.

The trio shuffled their feet and didn't meet his eyes. "Um…well…you _could_ say that…" Jessie said meekly.

"And I suppose I could also say that you lost the Fused Shadow you were entrusted with?" Ganovanni continued.

"…Maybe…" Meowth mumbled, looking at the floor.

Ganovanni sighed in exasperation. "Why am I not surprised? And you couldn't even do yourselves a favor and get killed by him, either! Still, I suppose that means you must be doing _something_ right, since you're practically the only monsters I send against him that come back alive, though how you manage that is a mystery."

"It's one to us too, sir," Jessie said. Ganovanni glared at her, and she yelped and averted her gaze.

Ganovanni stroked his chin. "I probably _should_ kill you for failing yet again and losing an incredibly important artifact…on the other hand, you saved me the trouble of having to exert myself and take care of this assassin. Not that she ever posed any sort of threat to me to begin with since I'm immortal thanks to the Triforce of Power, but she would still have been a nuisance to deal with and I'd rather save my strength for an opponent truly deserving of it, such as the Hero. So, I suppose I'll let you live. _This_ time."

"Yay! We don't die! We don't die! We don't die!" the three idiots cheered ecstatically, doing a moronic little dance of victory.

"However, you still lost a Fused Shadow, and I only have so many of those, so you will report to the dungeons immediately where you will be tortured for the next several hours as punishment. And no, it won't be the kinky kind of torture, either," he said, wiping the hope form James' face.

"Awwww, man," they moaned.

Ganovanni snapped his fingers, and the big double doors slid open silently as half a dozen heavily armored cape-wearing Golurk, Bisharp, and Gerocketudo warriors carrying massive axes, maces, swords and shields entered the room. "You called, Majesty?" one of the Gerocketudo asked, stepping forward.

Ganovanni nodded to the three imbeciles and the prone Impris and Axew. "Escort these five to the dungeons, please. Give our three lesser compatriots here to Bongo for punishment. Begin testing the Axew to see if it's receptive to dark magic and can be transformed into a powerful monster to serve in our army, and if not, kill it. As for the girl, lock the All-Night Mask onto her and make her watch whatever is done to the Axew. She's the one who brought such a young and helpless creature into my castle, so should bear the responsibility for what happens to it because of her thoughtlessness. Do whatever else you like with her, she is the last of the Dragah, so feel free to take out any lingering hatred you might have for her people that wasn't fully vented when we wiped out her tribe. Just make sure not to kill her. I may be able to find a use for her in time."

The armored female nodded. "As you command, my liege." She gestured, and her subordinates stepped forward to surround the trio and pick up Impris and Axew.

"Hey, you don't need to push! We're coming, we're coming!" James whined as one of the Golurks prodded him forward.

"Come on guys, we're on da same side here, dere's no need to be so rough with us!" Meowth complained as a Bisharp shoved him.

"This is no way to treat a lady!" Jessie huffed as the other Gerocketudo woman forced her along with the others, poking her repeatedly with her axe.

"Trust me when I say that you're no lady, hag," the warrior snorted.

"What did you just call me?!" Jessie shrieked, whirling on the armored woman.

"You're right, that was uncalled for," the woman apologized.

"Thank you," Jessie said, looking mollified.

"Calling you a hag is an insult to great Ganovanni's mother, Madame Twinrova!" the woman said, causing Jessie's eye to twitch.

"Hmmph. I don't know why you allow that Moblin to delude herself into thinking she is one of us, Majesty," the leader of the guards sniffed as her cohorts dragged the trio and the assassins away. "As if any true Gerocketudo warrior would allow her figure to go like that! Or lose so many times to a man!"

"Yes, she is far from being one of our people," Ganovanni agreed. "But if she wants to continue pretending she is one, I see no problem with it so long as it doesn't interfere with her duties."

"If you say so," the Gerocketudo said doubtfully. "Will there be anything else, my lord?"

"Not right now, Domino. I'll let you know if I need you," Ganovanni assured her. The warrior nodded and left the room, the doors closing behind her.

A frown forming on his face, Ganovanni turned and started back for his desk, deep in thought. As a chilly draft blew in through the window the trio had smashed through, he waved a hand absent-mindedly at it, causing the broken fragments of glass littering the floor to fly backwards through the air and reassemble themselves over the hole the three had made upon entry, making it exactly as it was before their arrival. "That boy is beginning to be a real problem…" Ganovanni murmured, clenching his fist as he sat down in his throne and leaned back. "While I'm not surprised that he managed to beat those three again, he's collected far too many Badges and pieces of Fused Shadow for my liking. He's even managed to liberate two of the Elite Four from their corruption! He is becoming too powerful. I must do something to stop him before he gets too much stronger. I would go myself…" He scowled and glanced upwards, at the imprisoned Lopunny. "But I would rather wait to challenge him until I have found a way to retrieve the Triforce of Wisdom from that accursed princess. The boy possesses the one weapon capable of killing me, and I would be a fool to challenge him without an advantage of my own." His eyes lit up, getting an idea. "Hmm…weapon…now _there's_ an idea. GARYAHIM!"

A very pale-skinned humanoid appeared before Ganovanni's desk in a flurry of red and white diamonds. He had green eyes, spiky brown hair, pointy ears with large diamond-shaped earrings dangling from them, a long red cape and mantle cut into several ragged spikes with diamond patterns running down the insides, skin-tight white clothing with several large diamond-shaped holes cut into the fabric revealing his skin, long white gloves, a bracelet on his right arm near the shoulder, and a gold sash belt with a large red diamond affixed over one hip. The being kneeled before Ganovanni's desk, bowing his head. "You summoned me, Master?"

"Garyahim. You are aware that the hero Ashlink has been causing significant problems for our forces, are you not?" Ganovanni said, steepling his fingers on his desk.

Garyahim's eyes flashed and his face twisted into a mask of barely-contained hatred. "I am, Master. Would…would you like me to do something about it? Because if that is your wish, there is _nothing_ that would make me happier than dragging him into everlasting torment…and deafening him with the sounds of his own screams as I soak the thread of fate binding us in _blood!_"

Ganovanni smirked coldly. "You sound rather eager for a chance against the boy."

"Oh, you have _no_ idea how long I have waited for a chance at him, Master…" Garyahim whispered, a psychotic grin forming on his face.

"I think I do, but I have probably not had to wait nearly as long as you, I think," Ganovanni said thoughtfully. "Very well. Go forth and fight him. He is currently on his way to the next Gym under our control. You should be able to intercept him in the village before the Gym, or in the Gym itself. Hold nothing back. While I would prefer to kill him myself, if an opportunity arises to snuff him out before he becomes a greater threat than he already is, I'm certainly not going to ignore it."

Garyahim nodded eagerly. "I will rip him to pieces and bring you the Triforce of Courage and his severed head as proof of my victory, Master!"

Ganovanni chuckled. "Excellent. Oh, and here, you might need this. Just in case." He drew his sword and tossed it towards Garyahim.

The pale brunette caught the weapon by the hilt and stared at it in awe, pure lust and longing shining in his eyes. The sword looked eerily like the Master Sword, except that the 'wings' of its handguard looked more like the wings of a Golbat, the jewel was red, the Triforce engraving was inverted, the blade was larger with a flamberge-esque edge, and overall it was a darker color. "Oh…_ohhhhh, Master!_ Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!" he moaned, hugging the sword to his body and rubbing his cheek against the flat of the blade. He extended a long purple tongue and licked the sword's edge, shivering in delight as he cut his tongue and left a trail of blood on the evil weapon's edge.

Ganovanni hid a grimace of disgust. Garyahim was far from his…sanest minions, what with his bloodlust and sadomasochistic tendencies. Still, at least he was much more loyal and manageable than Paaulti, who had to be kept on constant watch to make sure he didn't do anything…inappropriate with the Gerocketudo women. "You are most welcome, Garyahim. Be sure to take good care of that, though. We both know how important it is."

"Oh, I will, Master, I will! I will inflict such exquisite suffering on that boy to make him pay for what he has done to us! I shall not disappoint you!" Garyahim promised fervently.

"See that you don't," Ganovanni said. "Be sure not to lose _too_ much control and get yourself killed, though. I still need you. And while I would prefer Ashlink dead, if you beat him to within an inch of his life and brought him back to me so I can extract his Triforce in person, I certainly wouldn't object."

"Your will shall be done, my Master!" Garyahim laughed ghoulishly. "Oh, Ashy-boy, you and I are going to have _so_ much fun!" Cackling insanely, he vanished in a flurry of white and red diamonds.

Ganovanni chuckled and leaned back in his throne. "Well, that's that taken care of. Let's see how Ashlink fares against a being of Garyahim's caliber. While I'm not overconfident enough to believe he has no chance…the resulting bloodbath should at least be a little entertaining. Geh-heh-heh-heh!"

As he returned to his paperwork, his mood running high from the events of the last few minutes in spite of the latest defeat Ashlink had handed him, in the crystal far above him, Princess Zeldawn stirred, a tear running down her cheek. "Ashlink…" she whispered.

…

Elsewhere…

"Hoo! Ha! Hiya! Take that!" Palkia cried as he wildly flailed his Wii remote about, the figure on the giant TV screen in front of him mimicking his movements and carving into the massive monster before him with his sword. The beast howled in agony and reared back before exploding in a cloud of purple smoke shaped like a horned skull. "YES! And another one bites the dust!"

"PALKIA!"

Palkia froze, eyes going wide as he recognized the very angry voice booming through his dimension. "Oh crap." He quickly paused his game, hoping he wasn't about to lose it forever.

Arceus appeared in a flash of light, brimming with rage, the realm trembling from the sheer amount of energy he was putting out. "PALKIA! Would you care to explain why Din, Nayru, and Farore have moved into my Hall and are saying that we're roommates now and our world has spontaneously been transformed into a Pokémon version of Hyrule?"

Palkia flinched. "Um…it seemed like a good idea at the time?"

Arceus' eyes narrowed in fury. "And why on Earth would you _possibly_ think it would be a good idea?!"

"B-because the Legend of Zelda is awesome?" Palkia squeaked, cringing in fear of the divine wrath he was no doubt about to suffer.

Arceus paused, considering this. Much to Palkia's surprise, the reality around them stopped shaking and the Original One's rage died down. "Hmm. Fair enough. All right, let's give this a shot and see how it works out. But if I don't like what I see, you're changing it back to the way it was before and you're banned from video games for the next millennium. Are we clear?"

"C-crystal, sir," Palkia stammered, astonished that he was actually being let off the hook.

"Excellent. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to the Hall and stop Mew before she convinces the Golden Goddesses to have an orgy. I swear, that womon…" Arceus murmured as he vanished in another flash of light, leaving Palkia alone again.

Shaking his head in amazement, unable to believe how lucky he'd just been, Palkia resumed playing his game. Ashlink wasn't the only hero on a quest to defeat evil and save the princess, after all!


End file.

Legend of Zelda, Pokémon, Adventure, Humor