Instant Star 1. Chapter 1

Sometimes- The Prolouge-

Jena Rink as Brille015

I'm just messing around with this, but I like it. So tell me if you want more…

It's something…haha…different for me….seriously it is.

And soon, cuz I'm at work and my life is a constant schedule…

Ie-

Today- I have to tan, work, go to Melissa's barbecue, Jessie's dance performance, and Nate's Birthday party

Tomorrow- I have to clean the house, tan, do my laundry and pay my bills

Monday- I work at camp until four then am hanging out with Kira until 10.

Tuesday- I work at camp until 1 then my dad's office until 6 and am washing our families cars and mowing the lawn

Wednesday- I have work at camp till 1, my dad's office till six, and a sorority meeting until 10

Thursday- One of my best friends gets back in town, I work all day, and I have to pack

Friday- I leave for Oregon

So if you review today I'll punch out another part TODAY.

Sometimes, fairy tale endings get thrown in your face. _My gown is scratchy. It's uncomfortable, almost as uncomfortable as this situation._ Sometimes, events in your life can freeze you, tuning you out from any emotion. _My palms are sweaty. The bandages feel rough against my skin, and it almost hurts to move._ Sometimes, you never know how good of an actress you are until your life falls apart slipping through your fingers like sand and your desperately trying to catch it but you don't want anyone to know what's going on. _He moves the blankets up, tucking them around me, and I unconsciously shiver, looking anywhere but at his face._ Sometimes, the fact that most of your life is going wonderfully is overshadowed by the few things that are going wrong. _I'm memorizing the pattern in this stupid blue blanket, it's wool, and scratchy, and I think I might be going crazy._ Sometimes, the lack of a person to share your happiness with can make you go insane. _I'm sitting here in front of my own personal firing squad, where every word between us has proven to be a bullet into my already ruined heart._ Sometimes, your prince charming can be a devil in disguise. _It's cracked, almost completely, it's broken and I don't think I'll ever be able to fix it._ Sometimes, you lose who you are in the face of pain. _It can taint you, twist you into something you never thought you'd be._ Sometimes, things can turn so sour that you have no idea where to run. _Sure things were bad, my family wasn't family, my friends were preoccupied with their own lives, their own loves._ Sometimes, you're left completely alone_. I felt used. I felt stupid. I felt hurt_. Sometimes, you feel like you're so tainted you don't deserve to be on this earth.

"Talk to me…"he breathed, his voice almost desperate in the quiet of the room. _The hum of the heater, I'd been shaking from the cold for days, the drab light green walls, some sort of avocado that I'm sure Sadie would complain about if she was here._ The eerie silence punctuated by his voice, echoing against the walls, and me, staring down at my hands, refusing to look at his face. _I wouldn't feel bad for this. I couldn't feel bad for this. But I was bad. I was stupid. I was an idiot. I wasn't strong, I was weak._

_God I was an idiot. At what point had I decided there was no way out. That I had to do this. That I had to escape._ It wasn't hard to point out the exact day I had lost my inspiration. Music had always been my outlet, and without it I had too many feelings bottled up inside me, shaking me to the core. _I felt as if I would burst. _

"Girl, you have to say something…"he whispered gently, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. I fought the urge to slap his hand away. That might break the stitches, and God knew I was already in enough pain as it was, emotional or physical. I swallowed thickly, and clenched the scratchy blanket in between my fingers.

"Get out…"I whispered, and I saw his eyes fill with tears in my peripheral vision. He was breaking. He broke me first so I was dis-inclined to care. _To hell with him. He deserved it. _

"Jude…"he tried to grab my hand, and I flinched, biting back a cry.

"I'm sorry…the…" I cut him off, my voice shaking.

_He was a curse. A curse a curse a curse. You don't need him. You don't need anyone. Your rationalization has no meaning because it doesn't make any sense whatsoever. _

"Get out, and don't come back…I don't ever want to see you agin…"I said, my voice shaking slightly.

"Your trembling…"he realized.

"You need help…"he said softly.

"And all you do is hurt me…leave…"I breathed, watching him get up and move towards the door.

"Am I the reason you did this? Just answer me that…"

"Grow up, Quincy. Not everything is about you…"I said. _He always said he'd protect me. But he wasn't there. No one was there._ And I felt like I was in a dark room, the walls closing in around me with no way out, _stuck inside a perpetual darkness forever. _

The darkness of someone who had been hurt. Who was no longer innocent. Who had made mistakes. Who had lost her music. Who was all alone.

_Sometimes, your darkest secret is the reason you need help the most. _


	2. Chapter 2

Sometimes part two

jena rink

I want reviews! PLEASE tell me what you think!

"If you don't want to talk about why you did this I can just refer you to pysch…"the doctor said, and I shot him an annoyed look, picking at the Jello on my plate, bored.

_Why did I let him leave?_I really shouldn't be thinking about this. I think trying to end your life is high enough on my list of Jude's biggest mistakes. Telling Tommy I never wanted to see him again wasn't near as high as slitting my wrists and driving my car until I lost consciousness. That's why the doctor's here. This was no accident. They think I'm crazy_. But I think it's perfectly logical to want to die when you_….damnit..he wants to talk again. Hold on.

"I'm not letting you out of here unless you have someone come and get you…"he pointed out, and I frowned, watching the snow fall from the windows. You know in The Family Stone, at the end, where they zoom in on the house and you have no idea whether the mom has died or lived but you can tell that something's happened? Well that's what this is like. The calm before the storm. I'm eighteen. They can't call my parents. It's doctor patient privilege. Plus the fact that I'm in freakin Montana and not Toronto. That's also a plus. They didn't even know my name until Tommy. Of course it always comes back to him.

Taking off with no destination was a bad idea. I told Jamie I'd wouldn't, but _then I left myself._ And how long ago was that? A year ? Give or take a few days, probably. I should have called Jamie, or at least Mason, at least Sadie, Kwest, Darius…a long time ago. After a while, when he sent the note. When I ran because I knew it was over. When he found me? I can't pinpoint a moment where this all went to hell.

"The way you tried to end your life was morbid at most, Miss Harrison…"the doctor pressed, and I shrugged, staring down at the sheets again_. My own personal savior._

"You call someone or you're not getting out of here anytime soon.."he said bluntly.

Damnit. Now looking back at this, I may have made the wrong choice sending Tommy away yesterday. _He wasn't the one that ruined me._ I shouldn't of…God he was a part of it! I had to keep telling myself that. He left, and then I made the mistakes. I made those mistakes because he left and _now I'm not clean. _

He handed me the phone, and I stared at it in trepidation. This was going to be interesting.

"Hello?" Tommy said casually, and I sighed.

"Quincy…"I said simply, and I heard him catch his breath.

"Jude…"he said back, only slightly shocked to hear my voice,"Wha-"

"Can you not say anything?" I said softly, and he sighed. I could hear his stress through the phone.

"What do you need?" he asked, and I bit my lip.

"Can you come get me?" I asked him, and he didn't even wait a minute before responding.

"I'll be there in 30 minutes…"he said, and hung up before I could respond.

Maybe he actually still cared about me. I thought about that dimly as I signed myself out of the clinic, seeing his car in the parking lot.

"Give him this…"I nodded, grasping the envelope and stuffing it in my purse.

"Okay…."I met him at the front steps, and handed him the envelope, walking towards his car.

"Jude…"he opened the door for me, grabbing my bag and, I glanced up at him, our eyes locking. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ears, and I closed my eyes, refusing to look at him.

"You look better…"he said quietly, and I opened my eyes, staring at his shirt. He really cared. I was damaged goods. Why would he care?

"Thanks…they gave me a transfusion…"I said softly, sliding into the seat and staring over at him hesitantly.

"I'm so glad I found you, girl.."he said softly, turning into a lodge like mansion, my breath catching in my throat.

"This…"

"It's my families…you've gotta excuse my mother she's a little…" a short blonde haired woman rushed out the front door, her eyes exactly like Tommy's, and drew me up into a hug.

"Oh…Thomas has told me so very much about you…"she said, her French accent evident, and I shot him a helpless look as she pulled me into the house, gabbing loudly.

"Mom, you wanna let go of her for a moment?" Tommy asked softly, grabbing my hand in his. I smiled generously at his mother, Amy, and let him take me upstairs and into a spare room.

"I'm not supposed to let you out of my sight…"he said, motioning to the envelope.

"Well…as suicidal tendencies go I think that was my only attempt…"I said lamely, wringing my hands nervously.

"Girl, why did you do this?" he asked me, and I shrugged, looking out at the country side.

"No one knows I'm here, right Tommy?" I asked him hesitantly, tensing unconsciously when he slid his arms around my waist, his head resting on my shoulder.

"No one…"he whispered into my ear, and I turned around, our eyes locking.

"That girl you were visiting when you saw me…the one in the cancer ward…"I said softly, and he looked down.

"My sister…."he explained lightly, and I nodded, looping my arms around his neck and leaning my head against his shoulder. I should be uncomfortable, so why wasn't I? I didn't even understand why Tommy could even be around me anymore.

"I'm sorry…"I offered, and he shook his head.

"It's okay, Jude…I…I had about a year to deal with it…"he said, as his phone started to ring.

"Oh God someone knows…" I blurted out, and he glanced over at me, amused.

"Is that the hint of a smile I see on your face….Mr. Quincy?" I asked, forgetting the agony in my life for one aching moment.

"It's Mason, Jude, not Darius or Liam…You'll be okay…."he said, picking up the phone as I leant against him on the couch, shivering unconsciously.

"Mr. Quincy can I spare a moment of your time?" Mason asked tiredly, running a hand through his hair.

"You want a blanket, girl?" he asked me, and I nodded, watching him getting up and walking towards what looked like a closet.

"Fox, calm yourself a little…"Tommy chastised, throwing a blanket over the both of us as he sat back down, pulling me against his chest and making special care not to go anywhere near my wrists. I looked up at him in gratitude, and he kissed the top of my head. Why the fuck was I letting him do this? He was gonna find out about me and leave me.

"Get some sleep girl…I'm not going to leave you. No matter how much you want me to…"he said gently.

"You were saying?"he said non chalantly, and Mason glanced around him.

"You found her…I got your message yesterday…" I of course heard none of this. If you're wondering why I'm even saying it now it's because it became apparent to me later. It's the uh-oh, the what the hell was Tommy thinking telling my gay best friend that he'd found me after I'd been missing a year…moment. Yeah. That's what it is.

"Possibly…"Tommy said softly, his eyes on mine, running his fingers up and down my arms lightly. I leant further into him, and closed my eyes tightly, my lips parting slightly as he started to massage my scalp. See, completely oblivious. He's not even using words that would make me suspicious! That ass. He's going to regret this later. I'm not joking. He's doing that thing where I think I can trust him, see there I am, trusting him! You're watching this aren't you? And he's just going to screw me over. Which I should expect him to do by now.

A ok. That's it for now.


	3. Chapter 3

Sometimes  
Remember Remember  
Jena Rink/Brille015  
What do you think?  
This is a flashback. It takes place right before the beginning of the story.

I remembered waking up, my joints feeling as if I hadn't moved them in days. For some reason, I was untied, the and next to him in his bed. I winced, the memories getting the worst of me, and saw a gun resting by the side of his bed, next to his cell phone. It was hard to find where my clothes were, they'd been abandoned days ago. I sucked in a harsh breath as I pulled the grey long sleeved shirt over my head, grabbing my jeans and buttoning them, wincing because of the bruises that littered my body. Now was the gun, the cell phone, and the keys. When I reached for them, my breath caught in my throat as his eyes popped open, his hand reaching out and grasping my wrist so tightly that I thought I'd see stars.

"You don't want to be doing that…"he breathed, his eyes boring into mine, and I forced back a shudder, cocking the gun and pointing it at his head, my hands shaking. Could I murder someone? Was I capable of that? I'd learned a lot about him in the months he'd held me. His favorite game was to call GMajor and make me listen to my sister's voice, a gag over my mouth so I couldn't yell out or even tell her that despite the fact that I had run away in the first place, I was now just a captive.

Bryce never wanted the money. He just wanted me. And that was the problem. I'd almost gotten away once, and since then the only alone time I had was when I was tied up and he was sleeping. I couldn't let him see me cry. I couldn't let him break me. But last night, he'd done it. I felt like dying. And my hatred for him was so intense that his next words sent me over the edge.

"You can do it, goldilocks…"he said, and I slowly pulled the trigger, watching in shock as the bullet hit him in the shoulder.

"Oh my God…"I breathed, and he took a step towards me. I put the gun out again, my hands still unsteady.

"You bitch, you're going to pay for that…"he said angrily, and I shot the gun again, wincing at his scream of pain as it cut into his collarbone.

He fell backwards, and it took every ounce of willpower I had not to shoot him in the head. I grabbed his keys and cell phone, still pointing the gun at him, and spied the knives on the way out, grabbing one of those as well. I didn't even know where we were, let alone where his car was. I was sobbing, and when I finally got in the car, I stared at the phone in reverie. I was probably going to jail. Despite the fact that I'd been missing for over a year now (he'd make me watch the news), I had just shot someone, twice.

A dialing of the familiar seven digits I knew by heart told me our home phone had been disconnected. Even worse was the same message on Tommy's phone, a number I hadn't called in over a year.

I had no one. So what exactly was my reason for living?

I never imagined myself a cutter either. But it seemed so simple. And I felt as if I deserved it somehow. By being an idiot and pushing everyone I cared about away. I sat there, in the parking lot, crying, and not realizing how much blood I had lost. It hurt to drive, my hands were trembling, and once I got the van out onto the highway I remembered the address in my head. The reason I'd come out here in the first place.

I never made it there. I lost consciousness somewhere between the city and the freeway, and dimly recalled the van flipping over a few times, my head slamming into the windshield, effectively shattering it. I tasted blood on my lips, and groaned, the coppery sweet tang filling my mouth and making me sick. 

I was disgusting. I remembered waking up, people bustling around me.

"Ms. Harrison, are you alrigth?" I opened my mouth to speak, and coughed, feeling blood on my lips, my eyes wide.

"Your lips are pretty cut up….just try not to speak…"I nodded, as pain shot through my body. And then I realized I wasn't dead.

"Shit.."I whispered hoarsely, and glanced over at the window, fighting back tears.

"Miss Harrison, when we examined you we found traces…" oh, I knew exactly what he was going to say.

"Miss Harrison?" I glanced up at him, my eyes filled with tears, and back at my hands.

"Is there anyone you want us to call?" I shook my head wildly, and groaned at the pain that shot through my body. 

"Try not to move, sweetie, you're hurt…"the nurse said softly, and I shot her a look that clearly said No Shit Sherlock.

This went on for about three days. I had about had it with them, trying to help me walk to the bathroom like I was going to slit my wrists again. I wasn't going to try that again, it didn't work the last time so why should it now?And that's when I saw him. Sitting by a bed in the cancer ward, his hand loosely in a girl's hand that was about 5 years older than me, and looked almost exactly like him.

"So sad, isn't it?" the nurse said softly, and I turned to stare at her, my eyes boring holes into the back of Quincy's head. More than a year after setting out to find him I'd actually found him. He looked horrible, his face drawn, tears in his eyes, holding the girl's hand limply.

"He was famous, you know…"the nurse said softly, and I turned to stare at her.

"And?"I asked softly.  
"His sister, Sam…that's her…the second she became an inpatient he flew out here to be with her…"I nodded softly. That's why he'd left. If he only knew what he had caused. I turned to go back to the room, and she put a hand on my shoulder when his eyes locked with mine.

"Jude?" he whispered, and abandoned Sam's hand, letting it fall onto the pillow.

I glanced at the nurse for support.

"I don't want to talk to him…"I told her quickly, and she stared at me, amazed I had spoken at all.

"Miss Harrison…"

"Sarah, that's your name, isn't it?" I asked her, as he started to follow us,"Sedate me…as soon as we get in that room…"

"What do you have agains-"

"I could write a novel about what I have against Tom Quincy…just…"we were in the elevator, and I glanced up at him when the doors opened, stepping past him and ignoring him, wincing when he grabbed my wrist, a cry escaping my lips.

"Wha-"he pulled up my sleeve, his eyes wide. 

"Jude, what did you do?" he breathed, and I took off, ignoring the pain in my limbs and going into my room, closing the door behind me and leaning against it, breathing heavily, a hand over my mouth.

"Miss Harrison…"

"I don't want to see him…" I said from behind the glass.

"Jude, can I please…"

"Leave, it's what you're good at…" I opened the door, staring him down, his eyes raking over my figure.

"Does anyone know you're here?" he asked me, and I glanced at Sarah.

"I'll go talk to the therapist…like you wanted…okay?" I told her, and she nodded, watching me walk off down the hallway and into the office, taking a seat on the stool..

"Jude!" he called after me, and my hands started shaking as I sunk into the large chair, staring at the therapist.

"Jude…this is a surprise…"he said, and I shrugged, leaning back in the chair, content with the fact that I was at least rid of Quincy for the time being. That is, until he came back.

So? Good?


	4. Chapter 4

Sometimes-

Two chapters in one-

Jena rink

Just cuz I love you all!

Read and review!

I don't own instant star!

Jena 

"Are you alive in there" I jumped, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I hadn't really looked at myself since I'd left Toronto.

"I...yeah..."I breathed, trailing my fingers over the mirror, amazed at how old i looked. My skin was pasty white, my face thin and gaunt looking.

"Are you going to come out anytime soon?" Tommy asked again, and I sensed the concern in his voice, opening the door to stare at him, leaning against hte doorfram, handing him the towells he'd let me use to take a shower, our hands brushing lightly.

I had no idea what to say to him, let alone tell him what had initally happened to cause me to want to die. How do you explain that to someone?

It had been a week full of awkward glances and silences, I'd gotten used to the eating again, but he still had no idea what had happened to me.

I sat next to him at the table uneasily, staring at the snow frosting the ground as it fell, my thoughts running rampart. 

"Jude?" he said softly, and I turned to face him, taking his hand when he offered it, trying not to focus on his eyes.

"Why can't you look me in the eyes anymore?" he asked me, and I shrugged,"I want to help you..."

"I'm so sick of people telling me that Tommy..."I found myself saying,"You can't..."

"Why?" he asked harshly, and I flinched.

"You think all of this was about running?" I finally said, my voice breaking, and he frowned.

"You tried to kill yourself!!"he yanked my sleeve up, and I winced, salty tears making there way down my cheeks. 

"Ask yourself how I got to that point!"I yelled back, wiping the tears with the back of my hand.

"Just from me?" he asked, and I shook my head.

"When are you going to learn that everything isn't about you Quincy?" I asked him finally, running upstairs to my room and slamming the door,locking it and facing the window, my vision blurry.

"The Jude I used to know told me to break down the door if it was every locked..." he remarked, and I stared at his reflection in the window.

"Where'd you go, girl?" he whispered, touching my shoulder lightly, and I turned to face him, letting him hug me.

"I don't know.."I breathed, my face pressed against his chest.

He kissed the top of my head, and I sat next to him on my bed, leaning into him.

"We had to stop looking for you when you turned 18..."he said finally, and I turned to stare at him.

"You looked for me?" he nodded, brushing a stray hair off my face.

"You got classified as a runaway..."he said quickly,"Why'd you..."

"Darius had an address on his desk..."I said, hardly believing the day I'd left had been just over a year ago,"I was falling apart Tommy...I couldn't perform...I couldn't sing...I couldn't write..."

"Then what?" he prompted, and I shook my head.

"I got...some mail..."I murmered,"And Liam found it..said Darius would fire me in the morning...and I...there's was nothing there...sadie and Kwest were dating, Jame had Pastsy, and SME was recording their album...and you weren't there..."I trailed off, wringing my hands.

"What kind of pic-"

"Pictures...that required an asking price to keep them out of the press...I didn't have the money...I didn't have anyone..so I left..."I breathed.

"What stopped you from gettting here a year ago, then?" he asked me, confused, and I shook my head, my thoughts immedietly going to my earlier mentality. He couldn't know. I made myself sick thinking about it. And his opinion meant everything to me. Absolutely everything.

"Jude.."He pushed, and I scooted away from him, wrapping my arms around myself.

"You need to open up to me, girl.."he said,"I can help...I know you don't believe that I can..."

"I can't trust you...I'm at the point where I can't trust anyone.."he nodded, watching me out of the corner of his eyes.

"I won't run..."I promised simply, and he nodded.

"And everyone else?" he questioned,"Don't you think you should-"

"They wouldn't understand..."I breathed.

"Okay..."he responded, and we glanced up when the door opened again.

"Thomas, Jude?" we glanced at eachtoerh, and I immedietly noticed the look in Tommy's mother's eyes. She knew. I panicked, taking the paper she handed me numbly, scanning the contents and feeling like I was going to throw up. I put it down on the bed, and Tommy picked it up immedietly. 

"Suspect arrested in missing Canadian Rock Star case..."he read slowly, and I got up.

"I..."Before I could finish my sentence, I ran to the bathroom, emptying the contents of my stomach.

_Mr. Banks admitted to having custody of Ms. Harrison for several months, starting about a month after her initial dissappeareance. He was found in his apartment three weeks ago, unconcious, with evidence, including forensics, pointing to his testimony. Mrs. Harrison was checked into a private hosptial, but checked out a week ago, which leads us to wonder if her savior is her old producer Tommy Quincy, who resides in the nearby area..._

"Fuck..."I heard him say, and I wiped my mouth off, bending my head around the door.

"Tommy?" I asked him, and he pointed to the bottom of the article, my eyes landing on it.

"Trust me I didn't tell anyone I was here..."I told him softly, and he handed me a glass of water, which I drank quickly.

We both turned towards the phone when it started to ring.

"Shouldn't you get that?" I asked him numbly, and winced when he put his hands on my shoulders.

"What did this guy do to you?" he questioned, and I wrapped my arms around my waist, avoiding his eyes. 

"Nothing..."I whispered, and he lifted my chin, staring at me, tears in both our eyes.

"Jude...you can tell..." I cut him off.

"Everything..."I said on a broken whisper, and stepped away from him, staring at the telephone, which was still going off.

"Tommy...the phone..." I dimly heard him leave the room, the door slamming behind him, and I winced, hearing his footsteps diminish.

I curled up on the bed, closing my eyes and fighting back tears. I don't even know how long I laid there, because when I woke up, someone was sitting next to me, concerned.

"What are you doing here?" I finally said, and he pulled me into his lap, letting me cry. He was always good for that.

"Hey..."he breathed, handing me a tissue, and letting me blow my nose, stroking my hair.

"Jamie...you look so different..."I said honestly, taking in his appearance as my sobs subsided (those two words are a bit of a tounge twister, as i was typing them I was like...who'd wanna say sobs subsided?-btw this is an authors note...lol). He looked so much older.

"So do you..."he remarked lightly, grabbing my hands.

"Is Tommy..."he motioned downstairs.

"He's so angry, Jude...when Mason told me you were down here we got on the first flight, and then the news broke so we had to dodge reporters all the way down here..."I stopped him midway.

"Wait...Tommy told you I was here?" he nodded, confused.

"Jude..."he started, and I shook my head.

"I have to get out of here..."I told him, getting up on shaky legs, and making my way to the door. 

"There's press everywhere...I don't think that's such a good idea..."Jamie pointed out, and I turned to face him.

"He promised me...you don't understand, Jamie..."I told him, and he touched my shoulder gently

"Well make me understand, Jude! You're my best friend..."he pleaded, and I bit back a laugh. Friends were a touchy subject with me these days.

"Yeah, well people change!" I snarled back, and his eyes narrowed.

"I wasn't aware that people because heartless bitches all of the sudden!" he responded.

"Well I have reason to! Just leave it alone!" I said back to him, tears blurring my vision. I shouldn't be up like this. I was still on so many pills for the loss of blood, among other things.

"What the hell happenned to to you?" he questioned, and I lost it. We were on the top landing of the second floor, and i didn't realise how many people were actually here.

"He raped me!" I finally screamed, my voice quivering, and Jamie's eyes widened. It seemed that everyone froze, staring up at us, but i didn't notice. 

"Jude..."he started, and I shook my head.

"I don't need your sympathy! I need for people to stop walking away from me!" I confessed on a broken whisper, and dimly felt his arms around me.

"I'm not going to leave you, Jude...I'm right here..."he said softly, my head buried in his chest, and for some reason all I could hope for was for Tommy not to leave me. Not again. I'd already handled enough in the past year.


	5. Chapter 5

Sometimes-

A very short update-

But an update None-the less

Enjoy!

Thanks for all the great reviews!

Somewhere along the line, Jamie had carried me back to bed, and I'd fallen asleep. And I was awoken to hear them talking about me. How typical.

"I can't believe this..." I was half asleep, and strained to hear what they were saying without alerting them to my presence.

"Don't you think we should call her parents?" someone asked, and I identified the voice as Kwest. Sadie responded.

"I'm enough, okay? We're her real family anyways..."

"Would you stop talking about me as if I wasn't here?"I finally said, opening my eyes, everyone staring at me as if they were four and had gotten caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

"You're not! You've been off in space the past two days!" Mason said, and I shrugged

"Leave her out of this!" Tommy interjected, and I stared at him, an eyebrow raised. the wall was definetly back up.

"I don't think you have room to say anything about me, Tommy..." I said, and he rolled his eyes.

"I'm not the one that decided it'd be a good idea to trek cross country to find me!" he countered.

"And I'm not the one who kissed me, asked me out, and then left me all in 48 hours! Do they give you lessons on how to break hearts, Qunicy? Because you do a pretty good job!" I said, sitting up in bed, staring at him coldly.

"I never said I didn't love you!" he said heatedly, and the room seemed to freeze. Wait a minute. Did Tommy just say he loved-oh fuck this. He can't admit it now!

"Yeah, well, you never said you did, did you? It was always...tell me this never happened! Or...you're fifteen...or...I'm too busy fucking your sister to give a shit!" I said back, and Sadie made a noise of outrage. We both turned to stare at her.

"Hey..." she said, offended, and I shrugged.

"It's nothing against you, Sadie..." I said, and she nodded.

"Why are we talking about this?" Tommy asked, and I turned back to him, sick of holding everything in. I was going to give it to him straight, whether he liked it or not. 

"Because I had nothing else to think about while I was camped up in that goddamn appartment with him then you! Are you happy? I didn't think about anyone in this room, but you!" I said, and got up, my legs shaky.

"Jude...maybe you shouldn't..." I shot Mason a look, and he closed his mouth instantly.

"Jude..." Tommy started, and I ignored him, making my way down the hallway and into the labirynth that was his house. If he wanted to talk to me, he'd have to come and find me. "Jude!" I could hear him yelling as he followed me through the house, and I found myself in an older bedroom, looking like it hadn't been used in years. I shut the door behind me quickly, leaning against it and glancing around the room.

It was dusty, and I walked over to the bookshelf, scanning the photographs, running over the frames with the tips of my fingers, leaving clean spots amidst the clutter. A little boy fishing with his father. A ten year old sitting with a guitar...and Boyz Attack. This was Tommy's room. Or it had been. I sat on the edge of his bed, and leant back, staring at the ceiling, absorbed in my own thoughts.

At some point he opened the door, and I didn't awknowledge his presence. I closed my eyes tightly, and felt his weight sink onto the bed.

"You wanna tell me what that was all about back there?" he asked tenitively, clearly out of breath from having chased after me through the house.

"You can't admit your feelings just because I need them, Tommy. You can't do that. It's not fair..."I told him quietly, wincing slightly when he grabbed my hand, rubbing his thumb over my palm gently.

"I'm sorry I shut you out..."he finally said, and I glanced over at him when he laid next to me, also staring at the ceiling,"That was the worst thing I could have done and I'm sorry..."he apologized again, and I nodded silently, thinking.

"Tommy I need to know..."I pressed softly,"I need to know that despite everything that's happened to me in the last year...that it was worth it...that coming out here was worth it because you loved me..."I said quietly, and he laid on his side to face me.

"I love you..."he said simply, and my eyes widened.

To have him say it, finally, so simply. It was almost too hard to believe. I blinked back tears, and he frowned.

"Dont cry...I didn't mean..."I cut him off, leaning fowards to press a small kiss on his forehead.

"I'm happy..."I whispered, and he nodded, hugging me tightly as I cried, rubbing my back.

He'd finally broken the wall. He didn't hate me. He loved me. Tom Quincy loved me.

"We'll get through this...together...okay?" he asked me, and I nodded silently, cocking my head to the side, trying to read his emotions through his eyes.

"Okay..."I breathed, leaning into him,"Okay..."I repeated, more to myself than him.

"You don't have to face it just yet...we can just stay here..." he reminded me, and I nodded.

"I know..."I said, our eyes locking.

When he leant in, I felt the farmilliar butterflies associated with kissing him, and closed my eyes, leaning into the kiss, my arms winding around his neck.

When we pulled away, I rested my forehead against his, meeting his eyes.

"Tommy?" I asked softly, and he raised an eyebrow in question, rubbing my back gently.

"Hmmm?" he responded, and I sighed.

"Thanks for breaking down the door..."I remarked, and he smiled tenderly.

"We're gonna be okay..."he assured me again, dropping a kiss on my temple.

"Don't you think we should at least tell them where we are?" I asked him, and he shrugged.

"It's a big house..."he reminded me,"And I'd much rather stay here with you..."he added.

"So would I..."I realised, and turned around, sighing as his arms wrapped around my middle, lacing our fingers together.

"I'm tired..."I yawned, and he laughed softly, I could feel the rumble of it through his chest, and sighed.

"We'll go back in a few hours.."he said, getting up and grabbing a blanket off of a nearby chair, laying it over us as he got back on the bed, pulling me close.

"This is it...girl..."he said, dropping a small kiss on my shoulder, and I nodded, falling into a deep sleep, thinking that maybe, just maybe things could get better now.

"So where is she?" Sadie asked Kwest, annoyed, as they turned another corner, walking around the house. They'd been looking for hours.

When she opened the door at the end of the hallway, she froze, a small smile on her lips, leaning against the doorframe.

"Kwest commmere..."she said, and he stood next to her, his arm around her shoulders.

"Should we wake them?" she asked, as he grabbed another blanket,draping it over them.

"No...we'll come back for them in the morning...they look happy..."he said, and grabbed Sadie's hand, closing the door quietly behind them. 

(awwww)


	6. Chapter 6

**Sometimes  
next part-  
Jena Rink  
Sorry it's been so long. I apologize This is dedicated to all your fantastic reviews  
Gotta gotta gotta thank Tanya and Undiscovered and Melliebaby, my number one fans  
They review like EVERYTHING I write. So yeah guys...this is for you...  
I really don't have time to be writing it.**

**It's come to an end as well. I already have a little of the sequel written, I'll get it up soon!  
Thanks again to everyone who reviewed!  
Jena  
And I don't own instant star. yeah. That too.  
**

Day had to break eventually, as much as I didn't want it to. You know the moments where you think this is it? This is all I want? And I wouldn't want anything to change? Well things have to change. The veil of perfection is initially lifted to reveal reality. Admitting this has never been my strong point. And unfortunately, it was about to slap me in the face.

"Mmmmph..."I moaned softly, rolling further into Tommy, whose arms were wrapped around my middle , holding me close. It seemed like we'd been like this for days. I realized another blanket was on top of us, and snuggled into Tommy even more, my head against his chest.This was heaven. Something I wasn't sure I could ever get used to. Feeling loved again. His arms tightened, and I sighed, feeling him shift as he woke up.

I didn't want to wake up. I wanted to stay asleep for days in the arms of someone that finally wanted me. Someone that had taken ages to finally admit they wanted me back. That they loved me back. I sighed again in contentment, and he squeezed me gently.

"Girl?" he asked softly, and I groaned in response, rolling over to face him.

"Hi..."I breathed, and he smiled.

"Hi..."he whispered lovingly, brushing a strand of hair out of my eyes.

"You sleep okay?"I asked, and he smiled.

"Amazing.."he muttered, and kissed me forehead gently, pulling me close to him. This was like a dream.

"Don't you think everyone's looking for us?"I asked him quizzically, and he thought for a moment.

"I don't care.."he breathed, his face an inch from mine, and leant in, kissing me softly, pulling me closer, running his arms up and down my back.

I leant my neck sideways, giving him access to it, and moaned when he kissed down the column of my throat, coming back up to kiss my lips softly. I tried hard not to flinch, seeing as the last time I had made out with someone other than him I wasn't a willing participant.  
He sighed, and pulled away.

"I won't hurt you...you know I wont..."he said genuinely, and I nodded, leaning up to kiss him again and swallowing my doubt.

When we broke apart, it was to knocking on the door.

"You okay with facing the world again?"he asked me, grabbing my hands tightly, and I nodded.

"As long as you're here with me..."I said quietly, our eyes locking.

"Are you still in here?" Kwest asked, and Tommy cleared his throat, looking away from me for a moment.

"Um...come in..."he finally said, and I smiled when Kwest opened the door.  
"Hey..."I said uncomfortably, giving him a small wave, and Tommy got up, pulling me up with him.

"You want some breakfast?" he asked, and I nodded, holding his hand lightly in mine as we made our way into the kitchen, stopping at the sight of everyone.

"Hi..."I said simply, and sunk onto the booth near the windows, Tommy's mother handing me a plate of pancakes.

"Here..."I smiled at her, and took a small bite, closing my eyes at the feel of warm food. I was still getting used to it. There would be a lot to get used to in the coming days. Being around people again, having freedom. Let alone having Tommy there beside me for all of it.

I just wasn't prepared for what was about to happen.

"God the press can be hell..."a familiar voice said, and my eyes widened.

"I'm amazed sweating in the bloody snow, aren't you?"Liam commented, and I froze.

"It's colder than Toronto..."another voice pointed out, and I frowned.

"No...no no no..."I said softly, putting my plate on the table, and Tommy frowned, getting up after me.

"I can't deal with this right now..there are too many people around me..."I told him in a hushed whisper, once I'd locked us in the pantry, pacing.

"Jesus Quincy do you feed a whole army?" I asked him, aggravated, and he grabbed my shoulders.

"You're going to be okay...everything will be okay.."he assured me, and we jumped at the knock on the pantry door.

"You could live in there for a while...but it probably won't be comfortable.."Jamie pointed out, and I grabbed Tommy, kissing him softly, before opening the door.

"Hi..."I said simply, eyeing Darius and Liam,"Did you come to fire me in person?" I added softly, pushing my way past them, dropping Tommy's hand and making my way towards the stairs.

"We wouldn't have fired you...Liam was just...upset..."Darius started, taking a step towards me, and I took a step backwards, my legs hitting the banister.

I stifled a laugh,"Upset?" I said softly, with an edge to my voice, my hands shaking.

"Jude..."Tommy started, and I shook my head.

"No Tom it's okay.."I said softly, shooting him a reassuring look.

"The court sent us this the other day..." Darius said, holding up an envelope, once things had settled down and we were sitting at the long kitchen table.

"What is it, Darius?" I asked without thinking, and he sighed.

"It's a summons...for you...Liam, Mason, Tom, and myself..."I felt bile rise in my throat, and fought it down.

"He confessed...I don't see why-"Tommy interjected, and Liam sighed.

"His lawyer managed to make his confession inadmissable..."Tommy reached for my hand, and I flinched, pulling it away from him. He stared at me, concerned, and I shook my head.

"In fact...the lawyer seems more interested in why you took off to find Tom..."Darius added, and I turned my head to Quincy's quickly, staring at him, panicked. 

"Jude..."Tommy started softly, and I shook my head.

"So we're back to this then?" I asked him, staring at him hatefully, and he sighed.

"What exactly do you mean?" Liam started, and I shook my head.

"If you don't tell them I'm going to, Tommy..."I warned him, and he sighed.

"I'm all ears..."he muttered, and I lost it.

"What I mean is that after Darius went off to call you about White Lines...we kissed...again..."I said quickly, just trying to get it all out of my system, meanwhile Tommy made a noise in the back of his throat,"Then he asked me out to dinner...showed up late...and announced he was leaving and didn't know if he would be coming back, ever..." I took a deep breath, glancing around at the reactions of the table.

Jamie looked like he'd been punched in the gut. Sadie looked jealous, Mason and Kwest looked amazed that he'd actually gone for it, and Darius and Liam looked angry. Very, very angry.

There were going to find out sooner or later. 

"You gonna date mom too Quincy? She's married..but I don't think that's ever stopped you before..."Sadie said cattily, and got up, walking from the room. Kwest shrugged, and followed her, leaving the rest of us in a complete silence.

"I can't deal with this..."I breathed, and Tommy grabbed my hand before I could escape.

"Sit down...okay? We'll figure this out..."he said softly, and I nodded finally, sinking down next to him, our hands still clasped.

"Tom, what the hell were you thinking?" Darius finally asked, and I flinched, which no one noticed but Tommy.

He squeezed my hand tightly, and I leant against him.

"I was thinking..that I love her. I'm in love with her..."he said in response, and the room, if possible, got even more quiet.

"By constantly hurting her? Is that how you love her, T?" Darius questioned, and I sighed.

"If Tommy hadn't of found me I'd still be..."I started, and Jamie cut me off.

"How exactly did he find you?"he pressed,"So far you've managed to avoid that minor detail..."

"Leave it, Andrews..you don't know what the hell you're talking about..."Tommy warned, his thumb running across my knuckles gently.

"God You're blind Do you really think she'd love you back after all the shit you've done to her ?All the pain you've caused?" Jamie said,"All the times she ran to mine, or Mason's, or Speid's arms because you wouldn't love her?"Jamie burst out, and I sighed.

"I...I love him...okay?" I told Jamie softly, and his eyes widened.

"I love you..."I told Tommy softly, and he smiled, our eyes locking.

"I feel nauseous..." Jamie announced, and I rolled my eyes, a faint blush creeping onto my cheeks.

"So that's why you followed him?" Liam asked, and I nodded.

"But it's not the reason why I left...and you know that..."he nodded again.

"And Mr. Walters..."Darius started, and I sighed.

"Bryce.."I supplied softly.

"Bryce...caught up to you in..."I cut him off before he could go any further, my eyes downcast.

"Chicago..."I muttered, not wanting to remember. I'd never told anyone this. I squeezed Tommy's hand tightly, and he glanced up at Darius and Liam.

"I think that's enough questions for today..." Tommy said finally, and I thanked him inwardly as he got up, motioning for me to follow him.

When we got into my room and he shut the door, he finally turned to me.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, and I nodded.

"I'm sorry about Liam and Darius.."he apologized,"They have my address..."

"Are you sorry about calling everyone else?" I finally asked him, and he sighed.

"Yeah...girl..."he kissed the top of my head, and I hugged him tightly.

"I'm sorry I jumped all over you..."I apologized, as we sunk onto the bed, me ontop of him, my head resting on his chest.

"It's okay...you can jump on me.."Tommy said in a slightly teasing tone, and I bent back, a false look of outrage on my face.

"Are you trying to seduce me Monsieur Quincy?"I questioned, my eyebrow furrowed, and he smiled softly.

"Je ne comprend pas, Maidmoiselle Harrison.."he said in french, and I laughed softly.

"Voulez vous coucher avec moi?" he asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Tom " I admonished, and he squeezed my waist softly, our eyes locking. 

"I love you..."I murmured, and he kissed my nose softly, enfolding me in his arms. I felt so safe.

"I love you too...and I'm going to protect you from whatever happens...I promise..."he said lightly, tracing circles on my arm, causing me to shiver slightly.

It was so easy to believe him, especially when it was just the two of us. I couldn't help but wonder when things would come crashing down around us again.

Eh? Good? Bad? The ugly? Just let me know  
Jena


End file.

Instant Star, Angst, Drama