Harry Potter 1. Prologue - Place for Portrayals

**AN: A story about the Marauders, their friendship, their love and their mistakes. The Map of the life they had (literally, a map:) ), beginning with the summer after their sixth year, ending with... You'll see where it ends. :) There are thirteen chapters in it, plus a prologue, and an epilogue (those two are slightly different from the actual chapters.)The rating is there for a reason, but I don't think anything is too detailed or vulgar. (It might not be the most cheerful thing you have ever read though...)  
I tried to be as canonic as possible.  
The entire thing is "unbetaed", so if you find any mistakes, please feel free to warn me! Actually, any sort of feedback would be great!**

**And last, but definitely not least: Enjoy! :)**

* * *

**Place for Portrayals**

James Potter was an endless, inexhaustible source of love. He grew up in a sheltered, protected world and he received all the love his parents had originally meant to give to three other children (who, they eventually learned, they could not have).  
And James Potter, though sometimes he was annoyingly oblivious to just how lucky he got, James Potter seemed intent on sharing all that love and devotion he had grown up with.  
It poured out of him, unconsciously warming everything and everyone in its reach. There was a reason teachers loved him, his team-mates loved him, his friends would have killed for him, and girls adored him (and for that last one, the reason was not really his looks; James was an average kid and nothing more). But he radiated love and mirth, and people fed off of him without noticing. And most people would feed of off him without giving anything back, and James Potter just would not mind, because, really, he had all the love in the world to give.  
And so it was, that James Potter would risk his very life for someone he just really could not tolerate. And so it was, that James Potter had it in him, to forgive his emotional wreck of a friend. Because he was mature enough to admit that he could never fully understand Sirius, but at least, being James and having all that easy warmth inside him, he could afford to just simply be there for him.

Sirius Black was a distorted mess of haughtiness and rebellion, pride and shame; Sirius Black sometimes doubted if he even knew who Sirius Black was, as there were just too many words and ways to describe him:  
The son of the mighty Blacks, a pureblood with a legacy.  
The renegade Gryffindor son of a family that had been in Slytherin for centuries.  
The guy who was so good at everything, he could even tolerate being best friends with James Potter, because, really, Sirius Black was cool enough, not to care about James's status, cool enough not to compete with him.  
The guy who loved hot chicks almost as much as motorbikes (and had equally non-existent relationships with either actual bikes or blood-flesh girls).  
The boy who would have given his life for Remus and James, but who merely tolerated Peter because of James.  
The guy who spent every bloody summer being insulted and beaten up by his family, because he just did not live up to their expectations.  
And the guy who studied almost in secret, because, really, Sirius freaking Black was just too cool to care about school, but deep down inside, he still fooled himself with the hope that if he had the best grades, and if he had proven himself an excellent wizard, his mother would say, just once in a lifetime, that she did not completely regret giving birth to him, that he was not altogether worthless. Because even though Sirius wished to hate his mother, he did not enjoy causing her pain with his existence.  
The guy who made a terrible mistake, out of bitterness that speedily escalated into anger and hate. The guy who was not much past sixteen when he almost killed someone, or rather almost caused someone to die, while almost turning his best friend into a murderer in the process.  
The boy who screamed and cursed alone through nights after that sixth year, and the guy who left his family on that very summer, because he finally understood where his aggression came from and what he needed to do to get rid of it. Because on that very night, when he would swallow his pride and show up at James's doorstep to seek help (even though his best mate was bitterly angry with him and they did not speak for months before that), he would finally give up his foolish hope of ever belonging to a family.

Remus Lupin was a monster. An innocent monster, a victim, really. But Remus Lupin was a good kid and he never accused his father of anything, though if it weren't for him, he would not have had to go trough hell during every single cursed full moon. And if it weren't for him, he possibly would have had some friends and could have belonged somewhere.  
But Remus was a great kid, a sensitive kid, who understood that his father headed towards and early grave because of the constant guilt that gnawed his insides, and his mother grew weaker every day because the air at home was so thick with pain, resentment and regret, that it was just simply suffocating and sickening to her. And Remus did not want them to feel bad, he just wanted a happy family, with smiles, and laughter, and friends around. But Remus Lupin lived in a desolated, wild part of the country, amongst tall hills, hidden behind dark forests, because Remus Lupin just could not afford to accidentally kill somebody. And since he really was a bright and sensible kid, he understood this, understood the need for isolation and suppressed his inner yearning for company, but still desperately wished that something, somehow, if even for a short while, could finally take his mind off of his foulness, his despicable mutation, that chained and caged him.  
And so Remus Lupin was incredibly grateful for receiving a letter from Hogwarts, because it meant the end of loneliness, and he was beyond happy for finally having friends, who did not even come close to fully comprehending his horrific situation, but who, instead of despising, or worse, pitying him, chose to ignore the dangers he brought. And that is why Remus, though he really was a good and sensible kid, never really gathered the courage to stop his friends, or give them up and confess to Dumbledore. Because with them, he forgot just how disgusting he really was, and Remus really only wished for that.  
And that is why he had it in him to forgive to bloody Sirius, because Sirius did exactly just what he wanted: he forgot about what a dangerous monster Remus could be. And he forgave him also because he desperately needed Sirius, because James was a great friend, was a loyal friend, but he was so far from understanding his position that no matter how hard James tried, he still did not get it at all. And Sirius, though he was not a werewolf, Sirius had his own package, and just maybe because of that, he almost understood.  
And he forgave, because he knew that Snape had just used Regulus against Sirius the night before that accident, and though he had a loving family and could not possibly imagine how that made Sirius feel, Remus did have his own package, and just maybe because of that, he almost understood Sirius's rage. And he forgave Black because James, who had iron-strong morals about certain things, had sided with him immediately, but Remus was a sensitive boy, and he knew, missing Sirius would eventually kill James, but James would never forgive Sirius, until he did.

Peter Pettigrew was not a uncommonly sensible, nor an unusually smart boy. He was an only child in pureblood family that was respected and loved by wizards. He was a last heir to an ancient house with ancient legacy, and yet he knew – even before he came to Hogwarts – that he could not live up to his name. And he accepted the fact.  
And so Peter quickly understood that family legacies did no good to an average boy with no special talents, and he learned soon enough that he needed to survive. And he also intuitively knew that in order to stay alive, he needed protection. He just wasn't sure, who would be ready to give it to him.  
And that is why Peter endured James's utter and occasionally annoying perfection, and Sirius's funny, but sometimes mean comments. Because if it meant staying alive and having friends, Peter did not mind flattering the guys a bit now and then.  
After all, friendship was a bargain, a deal: you gave and you took from it. And Peter, the "not so special", "we had expected more" Peter was after all an Animagus in his early teens, and that in the end, was truly, bloody special!  
And Peter enjoyed the fact that his friends did not care about his family-history, nor their legacy. Peter loved that they accepted him as Wormtail, that they did not criticize him for choosing the shape of a rat. What was more; they needed him just like he was; they needed him to be a rat, to be Wormtail.  
And Peter loved them for it, if not as absolutely as James could love, nor as purely as Remus could, and definitely not as desperately as Sirius did, he still loved them. Because that much he could give back in return for being kept alive in a world, where being alive became less of a triviality with each passing day.

* * *

**The cover picture is the work of the amazingly talented Laerthel! Thank you so-so much! :)**


	2. Chapter 1 - Room of Redemption

**Room of Redemption**

It was a dusty, lazy summer evening, the air cooled to a bearable temperature, and England finally started to breathe after another suffocatingly warm day of early July.  
Somewhere in the outskirts of London, the door of an old, worn-down pub opened with a loud creak, and a tall, teenager boy stumbled into the otherwise empty place. He wore a leather jacket, and a purple bruise around his left eye, that was so swollen, he could not even open it. The right eye, however, was keen and brightly alive, almost sparkling in the dim light of the pub.  
_'Beer'_ he demanded loudly, and as he leaned against the bar, his gaze (well, half of it) lazily lingered on the pretty waitress girl and her deep cleavage.  
_'Ya old enough, boy?'_ the bartender crept out and eyed him suspiciously. He turned with an incredulous expression and gazed at the man menacingly.  
_'Do my fist look old enough to you?'_ he growled like an angry hound.  
_'A__l__right, kid. __I'll pretend that I got scared. __Here!_' chuckled the man as he passed the bottle to him, before returning to his nap.  
_'Thanks_' the boy nodded with an apologetic, grateful sort of grin. He took a good long sip and turned his attention back to the girl. She had nice curves,long limbs, and shiny-blond hair (that did not seem natural). There was a metal ring in her nose, and that was just simply bloody weird, but aside from that, she was really, quite pretty. Not the innocent, fresh kind of pretty like the school-girls of Hogwarts, but right now he did not quite feel fresh or innocent either.  
_'Hi' _the girl finally broke the staring-contest, and smiled tentatively at the boy. Even with the ridiculously purple eye (or especially with the eye) he looked strikingly handsome, with his soft, raven-coloured hair, and his roguish attitude. He looked a bit younger than she was, but it made him all the more exciting, and she ogled his muscular chest and tall frame as she unconsciously moved closer.  
_'Hello'_ he answered, more politely than his looks would have suggested. But his voice was hoarse enough to fit the bad-boy image, and the waitress gave him a huge, more self-assured smile this time, deliberately erecting her spine slightly, directing his gaze back to her cleavage.  
_'I'm Abby.'_ she said, smiling still. He stared at her transfixed, but after a minute of shock, a huge, infectious smile spread over his lips.  
_'Hi, Abby. I'm Sirius.'  
__'Huhh?'  
__'I mean you are seriously hot!'_ he smiled even wider, and mentally cursed his parents (for the millionth time) for giving him such an absurd name. _'I'm... I'm James by the way.'  
_It was – naturally – the first thing that came into his mind. He frowned slightly, because he and James weren't on speaking terms and it was just weird to use his name. But it was easy too, "James" was common enough, and the pretty girl, Abby, seemed satisfied with his answer.  
_'Sorry for asking, James, but... what the hell happened to you?'  
_Sirius winced uncomfortably.  
_'Got in a fight.'_ he shrugged, and stared confusedly as the girl moved closer still. He gulped and felt a pleasant sort of excitement rush through him, as her fingers brushed his cheeks. She smelt faintly of cigarettes and he felt like he needed to continue._ 'Three big guys, and just me against them'_ he grinned at her as his left arm sneaked around her waist instinctively, and for once he chuckled at the mental image of his mother and father, as they got replaced by three, tall and muscled, faceless, angry wrestlers (or how the hell they called those muggle-duellers.)  
_'Was it bad?'_ she was so close now, he could feel her breasts pressing against his chest and he suddenly seemed to have forgotten how to breathe.  
_'Very...' _he choked out, and the next thing he knew, he was moving his tongue inside her mouth. The bottle of beer fell to the floor, but nobody seemed to have noticed the noise, as they were both terribly busy discovering every inch of the other. Sirius run his hands along her back and he dug into her fake-blond hair, and for the first time since the end of last year, he felt something inside, something warm, something other than regret and pain. And that was good, and that was enough, and he found himself lost in this euphoria of senselessness and sensations.

The next morning he woke up in a bed, completely naked, utterly confused, with a terribly aching body, and a blond girl next to him. It took him five minutes to figure out where he was, and how exactly he got there. Frantically he started searching for his wand and relaxed a bit as he found it in his backpack, though he had absolutely no memory of how the backpack ended up in the room with him. He searched for his pants, and as he threw his clothes on, the memories of the night flooded him. He felt his cheeks redden with shame. So he was that kind of guy now!  
_'You're leaving...'_ it was more of a statement than a question, and Sirius did not quite know what to answer. He didn't want to be that kind of guy! But as he looked at her, he felt nothing; no sort of warm emotions, no interest whatsoever. Only mild embarrassment.  
_'Yeah... I've got to __go__... Sorry, Abby.'_ He eyed the floor in shame.  
_'What for?_' she stared at him with a hint of a smile on her lips. '_You were quite great you know...' s_he added with a wink.  
_'Really?_' he blurted out, then blushed deeply... _'I mean... sorry, for... you know.'  
__'Nevermind, James_.' she chuckled. _'It's not as if I thought you would ask me to marry you...'  
__'Oh..., Well... Erm...'  
__'Take care!'  
__'Thanks!'  
__'Oh, and James!'_ Sirius turned back from the door. _'About your wounds... Just sort it out with her, okay?_' And she laughed mercilessly at his shocked expression._  
'You did not seriously think that I bought your story about the "three big guys", did you?'_ she laughed on. _'Just go home to your love and sort it out with her. __Sure you must have done something terribly wrong to get her this pissed, but __I'm sure she'll forgive__! Trust me, it'll be better!'  
_Sirius finally grinned back. The girl was indeed more perceptive than she looked, but less perceptive than she though she was. But there was no way in hell he would set her straight.  
_'I guess... By, Abby!'_

He could have tried to use some magical transport, but he felt better as Padfoot, even though he had to carry his backpack between his teeth, and he had to avoid villages most of the time, because a dog with a backpack was a slightly suspicious sight, and Sirius was in danger of being discovered both by muggles and by wizards.  
But as he thought about what Abby said, he admitted to himself that there was a certain truth to her words though not exactly the way she'd meant them. And at the next muggle post, he used his remaining few muggle coins, and sat down, and (as soon as he figured out how to do it the non-magical way), he wrote a letter, apologising to Remus, asking his forgiveness hundred times over. And after that, the black dog did not wander aimlessly any more, but headed confidently in one direction, a direction he knew all too well from previous summers.

The journey was a long and exhausting one. He did not have any money, he could not wash or eat properly. (He stole food from markets now and then, but he had few chances to do so, and he just hated to feed on rats. Partly because they were disgusting, and partly because they reminded him of Peter and that was just gross. As for cleaning himself; swimming in rivers had to do the job...)  
That was how he received Remus' letter about forgiving him and looking forward to his visit.

And that was how he arrived at Godric's Hollow, and James really did not have a chance to say no to those sad puppy eyes, that stared at him from Sirius's sunken, underfed face. Especially since Mrs. Potter happened to be at the door when Sirius knocked on it.  
_'Merlin, dear! Come on inside!'  
_And she ushered him into the kitchen, and prepared breakfast for him, and ignored the tension that was palpably building up between the two boys. And since she was an incredibly tactful woman, she did not ask any questions, but she brushed Sirius' unusually unkempt hair, and kissed his cheek lightly:  
_'Welcome home, darling!' _she said pointedly, before leaving to work, and allowing the guys to sort it out amongst themselves.

When she left, the uncomfortable silence stretched in the room.  
_'You know, Padfoot, I would punch you in the face, but it looks like somebody already took care of it!_' James grunted, but there already was an undercurrent of humour in his voice.  
_'I apologized to Remus.'_ Sirius blurted out quickly. _'And after this' _he pointed at his bruised eye_' I left home'_ he added with a desperate grin, or much rather with a pathetic excuse of a grin, that was really just a grimace.  
_'Oh...'_ James decided to ignore the last part of his sentence for the moment as it was just too much to process at once. _'Did he forgive you?'  
__'Yeah, the idiot' _Sirius grunted, shaking his head slightly.  
_'About bloody time!'_ James grinned at him finally. _'I was afraid you would never ask him...'  
__'I didn't... I didn't think...'  
__'Yeah, mate,'_ James cut in. _'Obviously thinking is not one of your strengths these days... Did you honestly believe Remus could stay angry with you?'  
__'He should have.'  
__'Yeah. But he is Remus. And more importantly, he is a Marauder, and so are you. Now come on and wash up! You honestly stink like a wet dog!'  
_Sirius grinned somewhat shakily, and stood up to leave for the bathroom, but he suddenly turned back.  
_'James, do you forgive me? I was an idiot, and I...'  
__'Its alright. I don't ever want to hear about it again, okay?'  
__'Right. Thanks.'_


	3. Chapter 2 - Grounds of Game

**Grounds of Game**

_'Are you sure you don't want to get to court? We would support you, you know that Sirius dear, don't you?'  
_Mrs. Potter rested her soft hands on his head, and even though Sirius bloody Black was almost seventeen years old, and so practically a grown up, he did not shake off her hands and not only out of courtesy. The gesture was completely unfamiliar to him, and yet it felt so good, so warm, he suddenly – and quite unexpectedly – felt his eyes sting.  
_'Thank you, Mrs. Potter! For everything...'_ he glanced up from his mug of hot chocolate. _'But they...__' _he could not bring himself to say their names._'__They are highly influential, as I am sure, you know. I don't think a court meeting would __end__ in my favour, and at any rate, I don't want to cause even more trouble to you.'  
_The truth was, Sirius could not stand being pitied by anyone. Just the thought of standing in front of the entire bloody Wizengamot, while recounting the tale of his mother's usual methods of "educating" him, as she liked to call it, made him shudder with disgust. He even hated James' worried look as his mate took in his swollen eye, or the half-healed cuts on his body, and James was his best friend... he could not stand to be pitied and then judged by nameless, faceless strangers who had absolutely no idea what they were talking about.  
_'Don't be ridiculous, __de__ar! You are no trouble to us!'_ Mrs. Potter smiled, and hugged him briefly, before she left. And it was a good thing she left, because Sirius really needed time to fight that odd, tingling feeling in his eyes.

As usual, Mr. and Mrs. Potter already left to work when James finally woke up and stumbled into the kitchen, and so he was thoroughly surprised to find warm eggs and freshly buttered toast on the kitchen-table, as well as a pot of steaming, hot tea. It was not as if Mum would not make him breakfast; Mrs. Potter found great pleasure in giving his son every single comfort she could think of, but it would have been highly uncharacteristic of her to charm the food into staying warm. True, she went at great lengths to please him, and did spoil him a bit in the process, but she was a sensible woman who tried to raise James to be a great man. Encouraging his ridiculous sleeping-habits was not included in that program.  
_'Good morning sleepyhead! Do dig in!'  
__'What __the__...'_ James almost spilled his tea in fright. He was supposed to be alone...then he remembered he was no longer alone during holidays, because Padfoot now lived with them... Pads, who happened to wear a flower-patterned apron and a very frightening grin at the moment.  
_'Sirius, what exactly are you doing?'  
__'I made you breakfast.' _James was beginning to find Sirius' wide grin more and more alarming by the minute.  
_'Did you poison my food or something?'_ he grunted, poking the eggs cautiously with his index-finger while regretting (not for the first, neither for the last time) not bringing his wand with him. Nothing happened.  
_'No, you idiot. I just thought I'd make myself useful. You know, in exchange for being such a burden and all...'_ Sirius answered as nonchalantly as he could manage, but his careless shrug wasn't enough to conceal his discomfort. James knew Sirius hated to rely on other people, and he felt quite horrible to live on his good graces, especially after his colossal mishap last year. But James had already forgiven, and now it was up to him, as his best mate, to ease Sirius' discomfort.  
_'Don't be stupid, Padfoot, dear!__' _he replied in a sing-song voice. _'__Mum always longed to have a girl in the family!'_ he grinned at him viciously before ducking under the table to avoid collision with a boiled egg that Sirius sent flying his way with a surprisingly quick flick of his wrist.  
_'One another note... '_ he continued from under the table, surveying the wall, where the egg splashed _'I knew you would make a great __c__haser, Pads. Why don't you just give in finally, and join the team?'  
__'Its stupid.'  
__'Say that again!'_ warned James in a dangerously low voice. He was a tolerant guy – or so he liked to think – but insulting his sacred sport was stepping way over the line.  
_'Look, I am not saying it isn't fun.'_ Sirius raised his hands in placating way. _'But I am so not about to train my ass off and sacrifice my Sunday mornings just so you could get your hands on that bloody cup. Get it out of your head already!'  
_It was a long-running fight between the two. James, who was a fantastic chaser and loved Quidditch even more than fighting Snivellus, had tried in vain every single year to convince his best mate to at least try out for the Gryffindor team. Whenever the two of them met during summer, playing on the Potter's private pitch of sorts was always one of their favourite activities. James had more than enough time to see that Sirius was incredibly talented and enjoyed flying immensely. Why on earth he refused to play in the school team, was absolutely beyond James.  
_'Bollocks.'_ he summed it up._ '__Besides, a__ll the girls love athletes...' _he grinned pointedly at his mate, not quite ready to give in just yet. _'...and we both know how much you love girls.'  
__'Right. As if __Q__uidditch__ ha__d__ gotten __you __anywhere near Evans... '_ barked Sirius while he worked on removing the remnants of the egg from the wall. Not being able to do magic during summers was beginning to be really tiresome. _'Don't you think six years should have been enough for your irresistible athlete-self, to... sweep her off her feet, so to speak?'  
__'Shut it Pads!'_ grunted James. He was persistent enough, but he knew a lost match when he saw one.  
_'Alright, alright. Eat the damned food!'  
__'And what do we do after?'_ asked James as he stuffed his head with toast.  
_'Play, I assume...'_ Sirius answered dryly, trying hard to look bored, and conceal the gleam of anticipation in his gaze. James narrowed his eyes in response.  
_'How about a bet, my Dearest Marauder?'  
__'What bet?'_ inquired Padfoot cautiously.  
_'If I beat you today, you promise to try out for the team.'  
__'As if..._' snorted Sirius._ 'What if I win? What's in it for me, Prongsie?'  
__'The glory of beating me in my most-beloved sport?'_ tried James with a grin. This had to work, Sirius was almost as competitive as he was.  
_'Tempting, but no.'  
__'__Its okay, I guess. __I thought you would __feel __intimidated.'_shrugged James, careful not to look up from his eggs. Manipulating Sirius used to be a lot easier.  
_'In your dreams, poster-boy! Its on.' _That was more like it, but James needed to make sure...  
_'No, no. Don't feel obliged!'  
_He rose to put the dishes away, and somehow – accidentally of course – managed to spill the rest of his tea on Padfoot's head.  
_'Its __so __bloody __on!__' _glared Sirius.

Half of Godric's Hollow's magical population (naturally the younger half) happened to join in as audience, and watch the "Duel of the Decade" as they later referred to James Potter's and Sirius Black's mind-blowing display of sharp reflexes, dazzling grins, skills with Quaffle, not to mention their equally inventive use of tricks and swearwords.  
Despite James' more practised and superior technique, the match was rather even, since Black made up for his lack of training with nasty, unpredictable manoeuvres that bordered on the line of cheating (and even crossed it once or twice).  
In the end James won of course, but his smug smirk was quickly chased away, when Sirius lengthily explained how promising to go on a try-out did not mean he would actually _try_ to get on the team, and even if by some misfortune he would get on, he could still quit it any day...  
But he was too high on adrenalin to stay mad at his friend, and too tired to argue with him anyway, so instead he invited a couple of kids from the audience (whom he mostly knew from Hogwarts) to join them in a friendly game. This time he had Pads on his team – which was rather unfair of course – but at the end of the day, they came back smiling, laughing and thoroughly exhausted.

* * *

**I really appreciate any kind of reviews or (preferably constructive) criticism! ;)**


	4. Chapter 3 - Tunnel of Truth

**Tunnel of Truths**

_'You tell me that bastard boy is your friend again?!'  
_Lyall could not contain his anger, his voice made the windows tremble in the frames.  
_'His name is Sirius Black, Dad. And yes I have forgiven him.'_ Remus stared at his father with calm determination. He would not yield. Not this time. Not when he knew, he was right.  
_'As if his name is any better! A Black... I was worried the first time you mentioned who he was, but you have always been a smart kid and I trusted you. I hoped you knew how to choose your friends. I guess I was wrong.'  
__'I do know how to choose my friends.'  
__'You are still a child, Remus. You can't always know what is good for you, its not your fault!' _Mother cut in, trying to ease the tension, but obviously failing with it.  
_'He is the best friend I ever had.' _Remus answered quietly. Because once he had forgiven, he had forgiven entirely, and he would not let his father take it all out on Sirius.  
_'Are you mad? He manipulated you into murdering another kid! He would have turned your life into hell without a second thought. He is a Black!'  
_And right there, Remus J. Lupin lost it. Because he just could not stand this obsession with blood, and names, and being born like this or that... He could not stand his family's hypocrisy. If it was not right to look down on someone because he was a muggleborn, how was it right to look down on someone who was a Black? And if it was right to look down on someone because he was a Black, what should people think of werewolves, really?!  
_'You would know about that, wouldn't you Dad? Turning my life to hell... So bloody rich coming from you!'_ he shouted at him, and he stormed out of the house, and happened to bring the door with himself in his leave. He really was a lot stronger than a sixteen year old was ought to be.

_Dear Sirius,  
_He stopped and tried to gather his thoughts.  
_Padfoot, I... I don't think you can visit me this time... Things have gotten a little bit tense, mate... The furry little problem somehow got out of control. Or rather I got out of control... I don't know, Pads...At any rate, I just can't have you guys here right now...  
_He mused at his sudden disability to produce coherent sentences. He used to be so eloquent, his teachers praised his essays all the time...  
_It would only add fuel to the fire. Me and my Dad... We are a bit at odds right now, and Mum's not quite well either...  
_"Bit at odds..." they hadn't spoken for a week! Not since his outburst. And "not quite well" actually meant that his mother was in bed for the last two days.  
_I'll see you guys in school... Or hopefully earlier, but things just got to cool down a bit...  
__Don't get James into too big of a trouble in the meantime!  
__Moony_

He watched as the owl spread its wings and flew out into the night. The moon was shining brightly against the cloudless sky, spreading a haunting, silvery light over the forest. It would be full in just two days...  
And it would be the first full moon he spent alone since his friends first turned into their animal form. That kind of made his throat tighten a bit.

The two of them sat on a huge cliff and watched as the sun descended on the horizon. The air cooled to a tolerable temperature, the night came with promises of adventure, and they felt amazing. Though Remus had to admit, it was possibly due to the large number of of beers they consumed. He introduced the beverage to his pureblood mates last year, and his mates actually loved it even more than they did firewhiskey or butterbeer (which was saying a lot). Besides it was strongly linked with their absolutely wonderful, carefree summer, since they could not have it in Hogwarts.  
_'I still can't believe you came!'  
__'Are you kidding? I would not miss this much fun for the world!' _Sirius chuckled, but there was a considerable amount of awkwardness in his voice. Remus answered him with a wolfy-grin. Yes, this night would be fun... Though James and Pete couldn't come, and he had to sneak out in secret, because his parents would not see him with Sirius...  
_'But...Where are you staying now that you are here? And what did your parents say? '_He did not even dare to ask about the half-healed purple bruise around his left eye.  
Sirius looked away. It was not something he liked to talk about. In fact, he never talked about it to anyone. Not even to James. Or especially not to James, since he was the less likely to understand.  
_'I wouldn't know, I left them. And I am staying nowhere, mate. I'm a wild dog, remember?'  
__'Pads... ' _Remus was at a loss of words, and his friend seemed so bloody miserable. But before he could gather his thoughts, Sirius grinned at him.  
_'Shut it, Moony. Don't destroy this moment with some smartass Remus-wisdom. Just enjoy this beauty of a sunset and drink your bloody beer, for Merlin's sake!'  
_He tried to do just that. He really did. But one glance at Sirius' suspiciously injured left hand was enough to set him off.  
_'Pads, what exactly happened?' _he looked pointedly at the cut.  
Sirius winced and hid his hand behind the sleeve of his leather-jacket. It was so very Sirius-like, both the gesture and jacket itself that Remus just had to smile. How his pureblood mate even owned a so obviously non-wizard piece of clothing, was entirely beyond him, but that just made the whole thing even more "trademark Padfoot."  
_'They... They tried to get me out of Hogwarts and send me away to Durmstrang... Anything is better than Gryffindor, you see... And I guess...I guess I did not agree to that...' _Sirius somehow managed a smile. He had that incredible talent to laugh and smile in every situation. The more twisted and sad the situation was, the more he laughed. How he did that, Remus could never truly understand. But it was his way of doing things. Remus had seen James break down, he had seen Pete crying and he himself had cried a few times. But Sirius... Sirius never cried... He just laughed louder.  
_'Are you sure you guys can't... I don't know... talk it out?'  
_He had never seen Sirius' parents, he could not know what they were like, but not talking to your family was an unthinkable, unimaginable thing for him... until now, really.  
_'Nope... Shit, Moonie, I said, I don't want to talk about it! I just want to do something fun!'  
__'Fine. Drink up, then!'_

And so it was that Remus J. Lupin was possibly the first werewolf ever, who happened to turn into his monster form so pissed, he could not even remember his own name (curiously enough, it calmed his blood-thirst a little). And so it happened that Sirius Black experienced what a dog feels when its throwing up (pretty much what a human does, really). Around dawn they found a tunnel that lead to an amazingly awesome cave on the high cliffs, and in it, they slept it off. Mostly. It turned out, being a werewolf did nothing to ease the headache in the next morning, and dogs were capable of being hungover too.

And though they did not remember much of that actual night, they swore later that is was one of their best experience, ever. (They did this partly to annoy James and Peter... But still.)


	5. Chapter 4 - Forest of Freedom

**Forest of Freedom**

_'Eggs'_ grunted Remus.  
_'You forgot to say "please", Moony dear'_ sang Sirius. Amongst the four of them, Sirius Black was the only one who tolerated getting up early and did it with the same careless ease with which he did everything else, really. Than again, Sirius did not seem to have any need for sleeping at all, so it was understandable in a way. Remus, however, was not in an understanding mood on this particular morning. He released a deep growl and instead of asking again, he simply yanked the bowl of eggs towards himself with his wand. At least that was what he had planned to do. Apparently bad mood strangely enforced the effect of the spell; Moony's face ended up being neatly covered in eggs.  
James - always the helper - waved his wand in attempt to clean Moony's face, but instead of disappearing, the food only caught on fire.  
_'James fucking Potter!'_ bellowed Remus.  
_'Aquamenti!__'_ cried James and Sirius in unison, while Peter sniggered in the background. Their combined spells were effective at least... A bit too effective, to be honest. Remus was soaking wet, with pieces of boiled eggs still in his hair when they finished.  
_'I am sorry, Moony, really, I am!'  
__'Stop it for Merlin's sake. The two of you just let me be!'_ he shouted at them in rage. Thanks to this small incident, Remus finally lost his appetite altogether and was preparing to leave the breakfast table without so much as a bite.  
_'Moony, you know what day it is. You need to eat!'_ James tried to convince his friend. Long ago they discovered that Remus' blood lust was considerably duller when he turned into his werewolf form with a full belly. It was a lot easier to tame him at those times. (Unfortunately it wasn't that simple; Remus tended to lose his appetite before full-moons, and the transformation itself was so painful, he often threw up during the process).  
_'James Potter Prongs, if you don't shut up this instant, I am going to eat you to satiate my wolfish hunger!_' growled Remus menacingly, before storming away. In his case, the threat was oddly real and Sirius could not help, but chuckle.  
_'Sirius!_' James shook his head disapprovingly._'You shouldn't tease him before... his problematic nights! You know how he is always on edge before them.'  
__'Yeah, mate. And you shouldn't have set his face on fire, but what's done is done, I guess.'_ he shrugged._ 'Moony is like a girl actually. They tend to get irritable as well, at a certain time every month'_ he chuckled to himself with a satisfied smirk on his face.  
_'You would know that, wouldn't you!' _James grinned at him.  
_'Yeah, mate. I know women._' Sirius leaned back on his chair arrogantly.  
_'I actually meant that you would know, since you are such a big girl yourself, Pads...'_ James had enough common sense to leave while Sirius was still occupied with stuffing ham in his mouth. Peter – unsure what to do – offered an apologetic grin to Sirius and scurried after James.

The Potions class was a bloody torture. Neither James nor Sirius had any ambitions regarding the subject as it seemed utterly dull, and – just like most of the classes – not much of a challenge to them. Moony was already in the hospital wing preparing with Madam Pomfrey, Wormtail stirred his cauldron with a sweaty brow and a rather desperate expression. Sirius – after he finished his own potion and helped James to finish his as well – in lack of better entertainment, promptly fell asleep. James settled for staring at Lily's wild red locks absently.

Minutes seemed to crawl backwards, really. When the bell finally rang, it was as if the weight of the world was suddenly lifted off their shoulders. Sirius managed to wake up, Peter stopped to care about his potion, and James – though momentarily – forgot about Lily Evans and her beautiful hair.  
They stuffed themselves with food as if they needed to eat for a week, and then hurried up to the boy's dormitory, to get some sleep. At the beginning they did not do such a thing, they often spent forty-eight hours or more awake, but they admittedly had grown older. Beauty-sleep was much-needed in preparation for tonight's amazing adventures.

_'Prongs?'_ Peter asked cautiously.  
_'Humpf?'  
__'What are we going to do tonight?'  
__'I've heard there is a Welsh Green living in the forest somewhere far north.'_ muttered Sirius absently while pulling the cover over his head. _'I say we should pay a visit!'  
_Anyone with any shreds of common sense would have made sure to get Sirius checked out by some healer at Mungo's. Unfortunately James utterly lacked common sense, and Peter did not dare to say a word.  
_'Count me in, mate!'_ mumbled James, already half asleep.  
_'For Merlin's sake!'_ was what Peter wanted to say, but he found that he couldn't. As he listened to James' snore wide-awake and in horror, he tried to calm himself with the thought that a rat would hardly be noticeable by a dragon.

Apparently dragons were huge. Really huge. Peter squealed in terror as Sirius and James stood above the sleeping monster in silent admiration. (It took them a good while and quite a few injuries to get so far north. Remus was unusually vicious at the beginning, especially towards Sirius...For some reason). But in Sirius' and James' opinion, it was absolutely worth it. (Peter would have begged to differ, and Remus did not have coherent enough thoughts to form an opinion).

The stag shifted his weight from foot to foot, shaking his antlered head a bit, but whether it was a display of annoyance over the squealing, or sheer anticipation, it was hard to tell. When they became their animal self, some of their traits faded, why others became stronger. Prongs affected James, Padfoot rubbed off on Sirius, and Peter...well, he was kind of a Wormtail in all his life. So Sirius, naturally snarled quietly at Peter to shut it and crawled closer to sniff the dragon, whilethe werewolf growled quietly from behind the trees. He did not want to get closer to the beast, that much was clear, if nothing else.  
As Pads sneaked closer and closer, Peter's nervousness increased, he squealed (though more quietly now, in fear of Sirius) and rattled frantically in the undergrowth, annoying James to hell with his nervousness.  
The stag shook its head more violently, and stomped its foot with more force, to warn Wormtail to stay quiet, but the sudden noise scared the rat, so it jumped high in fright and landed on the very nose of the sleeping Welsh Green. Peter froze with shock, and as the dragon started to blink, obviously in the verge of waking up, he did not move; ha was utterly paralysed by fear.. It was Prong's turn to get Moony to run as swiftly as possible, while Sirius dealt with Wormtail. But Moony seemed absolutely transfixed and stood rooted to his place as the dragon – tickled by a rat on his nose – sneezed out a large amount of ash, and woke up with a roar.  
Padfoot – in his reckless stupidity – jumped over its head, to knock the shocked Peter off the nose with his paws. He distracted the grumpy dragon (who seemed to be on the same page with Moony about getting up early). As Sirius jumped away from a particularly long flame (the dragon started to warm up), he swore he would kill Wormtail himself, once they got safely out of here.  
Thankfully Prongs managed to get Peter on his back and the flames were enough to shake Moony out of his stupor, so - as if on cue - the three of the begun to run for it.

James loved his running almost as much as he loved flying. He definitely had some kind of addiction to speed and adrenaline. But the sensation of it, of shifting in and out of shadows, of storming through a forest that was a strictly forbidden territory, while doing magic that was also strictly forbidden (and might have earned him a cell in Azkaban), and feeling Peter on his back, hearing Moony's thundering run, and Padfoot's light and rhythmical wheeze beside him... that was the best possible feeling on earth!  
He could not ever describe it, he could not ever explain how something that was so exhilarating precisely because it was wrong and it wasn't supposed to be done, could still feel so absolutely right.  
And as he caught the eyes of Sirius, he knew they were feeling exactly the same; bloody scared and ridiculously happy, but most of all empowered and boundlessly free.

* * *

_I really, really hate to beg for reviews (Yes, yes, I am proud and stubborn, ya happy?), but the total and complete lack of them is kind of disheartening. (Thank you, dear Cassanda Lane, for being the only exception! It means a lot to me.)_

_I know, I am not the best, nor the most original writer out there (this chapter kind of proves it, its one of my worst ones, actually). But I really, really need to know, if what I write is anything close to enjoyable or interesting. And to know that, I need reviews. 'Cause right now, I am freaking out a bit. (This is my very fist HP fic and my style is usually very different... so, you know...)_

_I will keep posting this, even if I won't get any, and I will keep writing anyways, since I can't really stop it. (Honestly, I can't. Believe me, I tried). But... I would feel so much better, if I knew that I wasn't the only person alive who enjoys this weird attempt at an actual story._

_That'd be all! :)_


	6. Chapter 5 - Corridors of Courage

**Corridors of Courage**

Lily Evans was quite possibly not the only person, who couldn't stand James' arrogant, self-assured behaviour, mused Remus. But Lily was definitely the only girl brave enough to go against fashion, and voice her distaste towards the popular Quidditch player, earning herself quite a few – mostly female – enemies during the process. And it was a long process, really, because Lily repeatedly had to remind "Potter" of her hate. As smart as Prongs could be, in the subject of Lily Evans, he really was a slow learner.

Not that he didn't try, he did. The best he could. The chief problem with James was that exactly, mused Lily, as she applied butter and jam on her toast. See, it would have been easy to hate James simply because he was an immature, arrogant dickhead. (Which, incidentally, he was.) But he just had to be a whole lot of other things as well, and amongst those other qualities, there were some redeeming ones. Like how he constantly tried to be better. He was probably the most hopeful person she had ever met. And he really tried so hard to understand her. And that in the end, was a bit of an annoyance, because it made it that much harder to hate him in good conscience.

_o.o_

_'Morning, Lily!'  
__'Remus!' _she smiled. There was a definite tiredness in her voice and she was slower than a snail as she dragged herself up the stairs towards their DADA class.  
_'Something on your mind?'  
_He had seen the way she looked at James, who walked in front of them. The way she would smile when James ruffled his own hair...then she would recover, and wipe off the smile, and replace it with a stern scowl, because Lily Evans just could not like James Potter, at all. Her general distaste towards him was a bizarre status quo. Hating James defined Lily Evans' whole existence. It was funny, really, from Remus' point of view, how she tried so hard to despise him.  
_'Your stupid friend, Remus!'_ sighed Lily morosely, not feeling the need to clarify, which particular stupid friend she meant.  
_'What exactly about him?' _he inquired cautiously.  
_'Behind that arrogance and idiotic need to show-off, he really is a decent bloke, isn't he?'  
__'He is. Quite an apt way to sum him all up, actually!' _grinned Remus.  
_'I was afraid you would say that.' _she wrinkled her nose_. 'Crap.'  
__'Why, pray tell, is that a problem to you?'  
__'Don't pretend you don't get it!' _snapped Lily in annoyance._ 'It is so much easier hating people from afar. Once you get to know them... It is a challenge to hate anyone, really.' _she finished the sentence a lot more quietly than she'd started it, and Remus had a good guess she was not talking about James any more_. 'The more you understand, the harder it is to despise...'_ she whispered in the end, and Remus felt quite sorry for not knowing Lily enough to understand what she meant.  
_'I think there is something else on your mind, other than James.'  
__'Maybe'_ she shrugged._ 'I guess I'll just have to live with the fact that Lord Voldemort is probably the only one I can really, truly hate. Or maybe Bella Black too. That bitch used to give me the creeps.'_ she grinned wildly, and turned to disappear in the girl's loo. _'See you in class, wolf-head!_' she threw a last, devilish smile over her shoulders and closed the door with a loud bang, while he paled in fear. She knew his secret, but the sneaky and unpredictable way with which she displayed that knowledge in public was a constant source of fright for Remus. Merlin, the girl was more dangerous than a Hungarian Horntail!

But as he caught up with Sirius and James, he found that he couldn't help admiring Lily Evans. He knew she would be courageous, after all she was a Gryffindor... But the way Lily admitted her feelings, the way she seemed totally unashamed of them, was rather inspiring. Remus, who had quite a big thing to conceal all his life, couldn't even imagine what it was like to live so openly. He learned the art of secrecy in his early years, and perfected it to a level where he was able to hide some things even from himself, keeping close control on his thoughts and emotions at all times. The idea of "letting go", of embracing himself completely, haunted him in his sleep. But Lily Evans was every bit herself, she was Lily Evans absolutely and fearlessly.

o.o

Later that day Lily found herself sitting on the window-sill in a deserted part of the third level corridors, staring outside, watching a singularly awkward figure battling his way back from the greenhouses. The strong wind blew his cloak up so that it billowed behind him, the thick fog transformed his shape into a grotesque, bat-like shadow.

She drew her legs closer to herself, and hugged them tightly, resting her chin on her knees, trying to fight her tiredness and bad mood. Where was she to go, after she finished with Hogwarts, she wondered. The school pretty much became her home, and she wasn't quite as anxious to get out into the real world, as she thought she would be. In the last two years her prospect darkened considerably, as she learned that more and more of the wizarding world regarded her as "filthy mudblood" and "unwanted parasite". No matter how hard Lily tried to convince herself that Bellatrix and her lot were not really worth listening to, the words she used to say to her, stuck in her mind, haunted her still, even almost three years after the psychotic-beautiful Bella Black had left the castle-walls for good.  
Her fingers moved on their own accord, drawing unconscious images on the foggy window.

She was not comfortable with forcing her presence on anyone, she was used to being generally liked for who she was. She always thought of herself as a rather likeable creature; after all she'd found it easy to like people, so why wouldn't they like her back?  
But some people definitely did not, and there was nothing she could do about it. True enough, she felt she could convince most of them that she was nice... if they would've cared enough to listen to her, to get to know her. But most of them did not exactly want that. She was a muggleborn, a "mudblood" as they said, and they were comfortable hating her as such, from afar. She was loathsome for them, just because she was not raised up the way they were. And though she thoroughly hated to admit that, it was understandable to an extent. After all, she noted to herself with a snort, she used to hate James Potter because James Potter was not raised to be modest and humble. But as she learned more about him, beyond those irritating layers of (partly justified) arrogance, he was quite a nice person. Not to mention he had grown out most of his stupidity. Most. Definitely not all, she grinned.

_'Lily?'  
_She almost fell off the sill in fright, and she fought hard to regain her composure, for she knew she would need it desperately.  
_'What do you want?'_ she stared at Severus coolly. After a few vain attempts to gain her forgiveness, Sev had given up talking to her for more than a year now.  
_'Nothing.'_ Severus answered, awkwardly hugging his books, shifting his weight from one foot to another. He looked like he was about to leave when he suddenly darted forward and blurted out: _'Are you upset, Lily? Did that __git__ Potter do something...'_ his voice trailed off when he saw her eyes narrowing.  
_'Honestly, Severus. Grow up already!' _she hissed angrily. _'Its a bit too late to play my knight in shiny armour... You should have auditioned for that role before calling me a mudblood!'  
__'I said I was sorry.' _he took a step back, and his eyes darkened as small red patches appeared on his pale cheeks. _'But that's not enough for you, is it? You would have me beg on my knees and swoon over you like him, wouldn't you? Who do you think you are, some important...'_ but he did not get to finish, because Lily jumped off of the sill, wand in hand, shaking in rage.  
_'Who do I think I am? A filthy mudblood, Severus Snape. That is who I am. You kindly informed me earlier, if you care to remember...'  
_Then all of a sudden her rage was gone, her fury dispersed. She lowered her wand and stared at the boy as if she saw him for the first time. Just then, she understood so many things. Why Severus felt the need to always bring Potter up in any sort of conversation. Why he just could not leave her alone, even after obviously committing himself to the Slytherins and their beliefs. And in that moment she could have hit herself, because after understanding all that, she just could not charm Sev's head off in good conscience.

_'Lily...'  
__'Don't, Sev.'_ she shook visibly._ 'You hurt me, I hurt you, and I am sorry too, but I don't think we have anything left to say to each other. I sincerely hope you will be happy where you chose to stand...'  
_It took all her bravery to say that, to show just how much his betrayal wounded her back then. It took all her self-control to turn her back on him and walk away, and ignore that half-moaned, half-whispered, desperate _'Lily'_ that would echo in her heart for months, if not years after.

It took all her willpower to convince herself that forgiving Severus would only make things harder for both of them, in the end. There was no way they could be friends, living in such different worlds. No matter how much it hurt, she had to let that friendship go, because Sev would always want more, would always seek to control her, to own her. She knew how hard it was for him, with his horrible family and prejudiced house-mates, to stay decent. And in her heart, she had forgiven him already. But she could not have him around, not any more. It was an illusion that they had, nothing more.A child's dream.

o.o

Lily Evans did not enjoy causing pain, so she waited a week before acting, even though she made her decision that night, right after her last talk with Snape. (She referred to him as "Snape" even in her head now, because that seemed like a safer solution.)

And after what she judged to be an adequate amount of time for Snape to get on with his life, on one clear morning Lily Evans walked into the Great Hall with strong, purposeful steps. She held her head high and tried not to show how scared she really was, mostly of her own self, as she deliberately sat down next to James Potter. The world seemed to stop for a while and the entire Hall went quiet.  
_'Hi,_' she offered him a kind smile._ 'Mind if I sit?'  
_Lily Evans was a truly remarkable creature, mused Remus as he smiled good-naturedly at her (and tried his best not to laugh out loud at James' astonished expression.)  
Just how brave can a girl be, he wondered as he buttered his toast, and watched as James pushed the jam towards Lily. James noticed Lily liked the jam, and Remus noticed the grateful smile James received for his silent gesture.  
Apparently nobody noticed the knowing smile that spread across Remus' lips.


	7. Chapter 6 - Basement of Brotherhood

**Basement of Brotherhood**

_'James! James, what's wrong?'  
_He was vaguely aware of people calling his name, he almost felt people touching him, but the reality he lived now was silent and hollow; an infinitely lonely place.  
_'James, its party-time. Common Room, now!'  
__'Sure, go ahead... be there in a minute!'_ he mumbled distractedly. He stared at his Quidditch robes in confusion, stared at the black letter in his lap with confusion, but when his eyes finally settled on the tiny, golden owl, pure disgust shone in them. _'You just had to choose the right time, hadn't you filthy beast?_'  
Snitch snapped his bleak in annoyance, but before taking off, he flew above James, and drew his wings across the boy's face in a light caress. Oddly enough, that was what seemed to draw the tears. James Potter did not quite knew then, what he was mourning. If someone would have told him in plain words that his father was dead, he would have stared in confusion, even though he just read it in the letter. No, the truth of it had not yet registered in his mind, but his soul – for once – seemed to work faster. And he sat there alone for a while, until Sirius came to look for him. (His absence was actually rather obvious. After all, always-loud, centre-of-attention "Captain Potter" missing a party after winning a match against Rawenclaw... that screamed trouble.)

And Sirius would come for him, he would take the letter from his hands, and read it. And Sirius would curse, and he would hover over him for a while in silence, and then he would turn into Padfoot, and nudge James' hand with his wet nose.  
And James would look up from his lap, and stare at Padfoot, and he would nod numbly, and he would change too.

And together they would flee.  
Running was what they did best. Running was the best thing, better than words, better than anything else. Just to run.  
And when they would come back from it, Sirius would grab the letter which explained the details of the funeral, and together they would go up to their dormitories, and James would feel a little less frightened of facing the others.  
And Sirius would explain Remus and Peter in quick, quiet words while James took a shower. And Remus would go immediately to Dumbledore, to ask permission for James (and for the rest of them) to attend the funeral.

_'We'll be there for you, Prongs, you know!'_ said Peter quietly, when James reappeared from the bathroom. _'We won't let you do this alone!'  
__'Thanks, Wormtail!'_

_o.o_

Sirius read the second letter before James did. It was written for both of them by the Potter's elf. It did not come as much of a surprise; Mrs. Potter was already frail when they saw her at the funeral a month ago. Some people were just not meant to live without each other, and the Potters seemed to be one of those. Sirius did not cry. She was his mother, more than his own mother ever was. But he would not cry. He just hadn't the faintest idea how to break the news to James.

_'What is that?' _James asked as he entered the Common Room, and Sirius shook his head and stared at the letter in his hands.  
_'Umm...'  
__'Mum?'_ he asked in a hollow voice. Sirius had no idea how he guessed. He had no idea what to answer either. He managed a nod and stretched out a shaky hand, to give the letter to James. James read it and stared into the fire. Then he kicked a pillow into the fire.  
_'James!'_ Lily shouted furiously._ 'James what did you just..?'_ she stormed towards them.  
'_Just leave me alone, Evans!' _he snapped. She stared, then turned on her heels and left.  
_'Damn!' _James slammed his fists against the wall and cursed, and cursed again, and looked around for something else to hurl at the wall. Why did he just do that? Lily and him were about the have their first date that weekend, and there he goes, messing it up again! Merlin, why did he just do that?

_'Come on, Marauders!_' Remus and Peter appeared behind them. '_Come on! Its full-moon!'  
_Never before had Moony actually encouraged them to go with him. But he had heard the news earlier from Sirius, and he knew; today was different, so he brought the Cloak.  
Sirius stood up and joined them. _'Come on Prongs! We'll take your mind off of it. That's what we Marauders do best!'_

And they would indeed forget about pain, and they would have fun.

The animal instincts dulled the human emotions, but only emphasized the thrill of adventure, and they were more reckless than ever before, did crazier and stupider things than ever before. They roamed the streets of Hogsmeade, Padfoot and Wormtail sneaked into the basement of Honeydukes and stole chocolate (for Padfoot), blood-flavoured suckers (for Moony, as a weird sort of experiment; turned out werewolves rather liked licking it), and other, various kind of sweets (for Wormtail. James did not really have sweet tooth).  
And after Remus changed back to his human form, they just sat in the dark and wet passage that led to the Shack, leaning against the wall; just being there with each other, for each other.

Eventually they got up, and they helped Remus back to the Hospital Wing without a word. And then they went to sleep, feeling exhausted beyond words, but somehow not as empty as before.  
And all was well. And all was in place. And grief would come as a hangover in the morning, but James and Sirius would live through it.

James would tell Lily what happened, and they would sort it out. (Mainly due to the box of chocolate James stole from Sirius, and gave to Lily, smiling mysteriously when she asked, where he had gotten it from. Lily did have sweet tooth.)

Once Lily understood what happened, she of course knew instinctively what needed to be done. And she - with the help of the rest of the Marauders - orchestrated the prank of the month, which ended in an entire floor being covered in colourful soap-bubbles that only multiplied if one tried to burst them (the result of her supreme talents in both Potions and Charms.) And James played with the bubbles like a child, and he laughed as Lily pushed Mulicber off the stairs with a handy spell (that transfigured the steps into a slide). And he laughed even harder when said Slytherin would re-emerge with a new, colourful crown of soap-bubble hair, that Sirius carefully applied on his originally bold head.

And the grief would fade in time.

* * *

_I know, this is a really odd chapter. And yes, James has a small, golden owl, called Snitch. He isn't an overly imaginative fellow! :D_

_Oh, I still am absolutely grateful for any kind of reviews! Even if it's to tell me, how boring it was, or how many mistakes I made! _

_And thank you, Cassandra Lane, Laerthel and Chamelaucium for taking the time!_


	8. Chapter 7 - Palace of Pranks

**A bit of author's rambling here, but I promise to be short:**

_This chapter is pretty much a turning point in the story, from here on, the tone of things will change slightly. (The last part of this chapter implies that a bit.) That is one of the many reasons, why I decided that I'd wait at least a week before I start uploading the rest. Palace of Pranks was my favorite chapter to write (excluding the prologue and epilogue), and for a small part of it, I have Chamelaucium to thank, (for giving me a wonderful prank idea). Can you guess what part that is, dear? :D_

_That's about all, I hope you'll enjoy reading!_

_(And I hope you'll find it in you to review... but most importantly, for those of you, who've kept reading until this point: Thank you! :) )_

_I'll be back._

* * *

**Palace of Pranks**

Sirius yawned as he sat up in his bed. Everything was still grey outside, but somehow it was a warm shade of grey; the dawn of the coming, bright and hot summer day. (Sirius did not exactly know this, but his eyes were of the very same colour; grey with the promise of warmth in their depths.)

He walked to the window and stared out at the foggy fields of the castle grounds, fully aware that this was very probably the last time he did this. He could not help feeling a little downcast, after all Hogwarts was much more his home than any other place.  
He sat on the window-sill and sighed contentedly. It was a good seven years. Some mistakes were made, and some downright idiotic shit was done, but that could not be helped. Lessons were learned and all... And that was exactly how long seventeen years old Sirius could contemplate anything in silence. It was an eerily lonely feeling; being in the same room with sleeping people, but being wholly awake. Sirius did not quite like it. He was okay with solitude as long as he was alone, but friends were there for a purpose. So he walked over to Prongs' bed, and poked him between his ribs.

_'Wake up!'  
_James groaned and curled up into the position of a sleeping animal. Sirius grinned.  
_'Prongs, wake up! Snivelly is here!'  
__'Go away, Sirius!'_ James whimpered into his pillow.  
_'Alright I lied. It's not Snivellus, its Lily!'  
_James lifted his head and glanced around the room. When he made sure that his amazing girlfriend was not there, he threw the pillow at Sirius' head (but he missed terribly due to the lack of spectacles.)  
_'Padfoot, on one of these days, I am going to murder you!'  
__'That's just the thing, Prongs dear. There will be no more of "these days"!'_ Sirius announced proudly.  
_'Right!'_ James sat up and searched for his glasses. As he put them on, and the world became visible once more, he grinned wildly. This was the last day here, for all of them. They were finished with Hogwarts for good! (Save perhaps Moony, because he was the sort who would come back later to torture kids under the disguise of "teaching". And he would be jolly good at it, the beastly dork!) James chuckled, then repositioned himself on his bed, so that he would look somewhat more dignified.  
_'Let me remind you, Sirius: This has to be the most memorable day of our existence. The Marauders might leave Hogwarts, but our memory has to remain within these walls for eternity!'  
__'Wisely said, my friend.'_ Sirius grinned back._ 'You always had a thing for the theatrics! Remember how you asked Lily out once? You were...'  
__'Shut it and wake the others.' _James interrupted with a snort._ 'Time to have some fun!'  
__'Now that's more like it!'_

o.o

In order to ensure that fun would indeed happen, there was a lot to prepare, and each Marauder had separate and urgent tasks to do. James however, who had business in the Astronomy Tower, made sure not to hurry. (Said business was charming the telescopes into revealing a certain picture instead of stars, whenever someone would try to use them. Incidentally it was the picture of the four Marauders with their names on; Sirius worked a good three days on how to make the charm permanent.)

He took everything in, for the last time. Like - for example - here was the bust of good old Paracelsus! It took McGonagall three weeks in fifth year to figure out how to transform him back. For three long weeks, Paracelsus displayed the face of Harry Speedy, the best seeker England ever had. And James never even got any detention for it! Firstly, because the teachers could not prove that he did it. And secondly, because the Professor (after a stern lecture on how Hogwarts' sculptures were not to be maimed, and how she expected James to see to it that other pupils abided by these rules), informed him that the spell was indeed quite impressive. James had always loved Transfiguration, he excelled at it, and for that, he was McGonagall's favourite. (Well for that, and for the fact that he made sure for three years as team captain that the Quidditch Cup would grace her office only.)

And here... Here was the cupboard in which he hid from Peeves with Sirius and Peter, when they forgot to bring the Invisibility Cloak back from the Shack after one nightly adventure in sixth year. They had to wait for one long hour for Peeves to finally give up and leave the place. It was rather crowded inside.

And here, by this very painting... he kissed Lily here. Not for the first time, neither for the last, but still! He remembered how Lily leaned against the painting, how her dark red hair contrasted the turquoise ocean in it. (And how loudly the fishermen expressed their indignation over their activity. Lily's answering blush looked terribly funny, and insanely lovely at the same time.)  
The fishermen were still asleep now, but a ray of sunlight lit the frames of the picture, and James became aware of time once more. He had some permanent damage to do after all, and he did not have all that much time till breakfast!

o.o

Lily Evans woke up early, and headed for the Astronomy Tower to look over the castle grounds once more. From the best possible place, for one last time. Merlin, how much happened during these seven years! From an eleven year old, who did not belong, she became the Head Girl of the school. It was quite an achievement, really! Not that muggleborns were treated any differently in Hogwarts, but they were rarely named prefects, let alone head students. Simply because they started from a little bit of disadvantage, and they did not have the help of their families to study, or do research with them. And so Lily Evans was immensely grateful for this opportunity. With the rise of the Dark Lord Voldemort, and the resurfacing of anti-muggle conceptions in the magical world, she understood how important her position was. It was the last chance to have any influence over a new generation; to convince them that muggleborns had a place in their world. She knew how crucial it was for her to be a great role model, and she tried really hard to be one. Unfortunately, she did not always succeed. (And for some reason, she blushed at the image of three grumpy fishermen and a turquoise ocean...)

_'Well, good morning, love!'_ she said loudly and amusedly.  
_'Shit.. Lily! You scared the stag out of me!' _complained James, unconsciously using one of his "Marauder-phrases", as Sirius liked to call them.  
_'Oh my! We wouldn't want that now, would we?'_ she smiled, kissing him briefly.  
_'No, we wouldn't!'_ he answered after a while. It was a good thing she knew about Prongs._ 'And what, may I ask, are you doing here on this fine morning?'  
__'Just watching, you know. It is the best possible place to look over the grounds.'  
__'I know.'_ he smiled.  
_'Hpmf. I suppose you would. By the way, what are you doing here?'  
__'Erm...'  
__'Let me guess; I don't want to know.'  
__'Nope, you don't.'  
__'Fine. I didn't see anyone up here.'_ she sighed.  
_'I love you!'_ he kissed her again. _'I just have to go and...'  
__'Alright, alright. Just... behave, will you?'  
__'Don't I always?' _but his chuckle was nervous, and he ruffled his hair as he left. Lily narrowed her eyes in suspicion as she gazed after him... She had a really bad feeling about this day.

o.o

Remus did not particularly like badgers. They were not really good for anything. But hell, there was a reason he was placed in Gryffindor and not in Hufflepuff!  
For someone however, who had no fondness for mentioned animals, Remus Lupin looked quite odd at the moment: he had a box full of the cute, furry things. Furry little problems, his ass... He grunted as he remembered James' grin when Prongs introduced him to the badgers.

For all the other houses, the Marauders had come up with some fantastic farewell-pranks, but Hufflepuff proved to be a challenge. Not because they were bad, nothing of the sort. It was just that they weren't characteristic enough (according to Sirius). In Remus' opinion, they were just far too nice in general, to be pranked.

However, something had to be done. And that was why they decided that the badgers would be placed in the barrel the Hufflepuffs had to enter to get into their Common Room. Also fifty pots of some weird green things would be placed on their table in the Great Hall. Remus did not remember the name of the plants, but he did remember how long it took to charm them into whispering comforting, encouraging words, and giving free, warm hugs. Merlin, that was exhausting. If he was honest with himself, he could not wait 'till this all was finally over for good.  
He sneezed loudly. Damn he had to be allergic to fur! The irony of it made him laugh out loud.

o.o

Sirius Black just left the Owlery after transfiguring a dozen owls into ravens and convincing them to drop Howlers at the Ravenclaw table during the evening feast. The Howlers were made to explode immediately, bellowing adages like "don't count your chickens before they hatch" and "change the name, but not the letter, change for worse and not for better" at the – hopefully shocked – students of said house. Truth be told, this particular prank was Remus' idea, but they worked on it together, and if Sirius was honest with himself (something he always aimed to be, but often failed at), they had done some splendid magic. He was satisfied over a job well-done.  
But before joining the others, he took out an old, withered, empty piece of parchment, and slipped it under a sculpture. He stood over it for a minute, than he whispered quietly: _'Mischief managed!'_ and he left.

After all, there were still some things to be taken care of. Someone had to produce the giant, flying lion that would roar over the Gryffindor table, spitting galleons from its mouth (it was chocolate-made money, but still). And someone would have to perform some really astonishing incantation that would convince the stars of the charmed ceiling to spell the text "Mischiefs Managed and Marauderingly Yours Forever" for the students of this fine establishment.  
Merlin, this would be a night to remember!

o.o

Peter hurried back from the basements quietly; he was anxious to leave after he had done his part of the Marauder's Final Act of Magical Mischief (as James liked refer to it, during the long days of preparation. Peter chuckled to himself: Prongs really had a thing for the drama.) Though this time, the exaggeration was really not that much of an exaggeration in the end... Today would be remembered! And, as much as he would have enjoyed to be there, when the Slytherin girls would wake up to find snakes in their beds, he hurried away with a satisfied smirk. For the first time, the idea was actually his, and even though Remus and James did not approve at first, he managed to convince them. He left five, full-grown animals in each bed. (Save the kids under third year. And only because James had grown soft these days.) It took Sirius a week to figure out how to produce that many snakes (they used a charm to copy the one he bought from a weird fellow in Hogsmead. Eventually the fake ones would disappear, only Peter did not remember, which was the real one.) It took five days for Peter to figure out how to get the snakes into the girls dormitories, but hell, it was worth it in the end.

And he grinned widely at the distant, muffled sounds of screams.


	9. Chapter 8 - Labyrinth of Loyalty

_Here we go! Warning: Huge forward jump in time :)..._

_PS: I still really, really appreciate any kind of review... :)_

* * *

**Labyrinth of Loyalty**

Peter hurried along the dark village with a triumphant smile on his face, until a door snapped close somewhere and he jumped in fright... He was scared, oh yes. Meeting Him always scared Peter in a way. But it was worth a little fright now and then, because for once he would have the upper hand; he would be the best of the Marauders, the best of The Best. This would be the greatest prank ever, and for once the joke was not on him.  
The glorious smile that spread over his face did not really flatter his features, nor did the nervous glances he still cast around himself. He stopped suddenly and looked around with a suspicious, uncertain expression. He heard something. He knew he heard something. He should look back. Only he did not dare to look back.

He was on his way again, practically running away. He needed to hide. He considered turning into his rat form, it was so much easier to disappear as a rat after all, but he knew it was too dangerous. He did not dare to risk being exposed. The great, black hood and the raging thunderstorm would have to do. And he turned abruptly right, then suddenly left, without any real destination, simply to confuse his pursuers.  
What if they found him? What if they found out about his Big Secret that made him so happy as of late? What would he do then? Who would he go to, to beg for forgiveness?  
But he already knew the answer, he already had the plan. James... He would have to go to James. Peter made a distraught frown, because somewhere deep inside, he sensed it was not right. He betrayed them, James most of all. It was not right to ask him for mercy. But he would. He learned to stay alive, and he learned that craft well. Prongs would forgive. He was loyal enough. Foolish enough. He turned left again, keeping close to the walls of the dark houses, staying always in the shadows.  
Yes, James was foolish, and Sirius too. They thought they knew everything better. They were perhaps more talented, yes. But they did not learn the art of survival as he did. He knew Voldemort could not be defeated, he knew it before they did.

Peter sensed power, he was drawn to it. He hurried into a huge, dark building, and leaned to its wall. The greater house always cast the larger shadow. Easier to hide in it. Better. Safer.  
Why can't they see that there is no bravery in denying the inevitable? The Dark Lord's triumph was as sure as anything can ever be! Why did they have to be so stubborn? Why did they have to insist on fighting back, on knowing better? He panted, his frantic escape had worn him out, but he tried to focus on the task at hand, making sure that he was not followed, he was not seen where he stood. Why did they force him to be as they were? How could they expect him to die for them, for their ideals? Why would he?

It was not as if he liked things this way. He did not like the Dark Lord, he did not like his idea's about muggleborns, no, not muggleborns, they were mudbloods now, better to get used to the thought. He did not like all the killing and cruelty, though he admitted, there was a sort of fascinating, empowering feelingaboutwatching them torture someone... All of the witches and wizards who the Death Eaters defeated with the help of Peter, all of them thought they were so much better... Peter was annoyed at them. Why couldn't they admit defeat when it was so obvious? The Lord was the strongest sheep of the herd. He knew it. He knew something they did not. He tricked them, he was powerful enough to trick them, smart enough not to be noticed. Brave enough to spy. And nobody gave him any respect, only the Dark Lord did! He was not fond of him, but he was pleased with what he had done. He knew Peter was valuable to his cause, something James and the rest of them failed to notice. It was their fault, not his, if they would pay for their negligence.

Besides, he did not really have to kill them. True, Lily's and James' son would not survive. But in time, maybe, when the Order would be crashed and all the resistance scattered, maybe then he could make James, Sirius and Remus see where they had gotten wrong. He would plead their case in front of his Master and the Dark Lord would grant him this small favour in exchange for all the valuable information he had given out earlier. They were precious purebloods after all, James and Sirius at least... He would be merciful towards them, because of him. They would stay alive because of him. They would thank him in the end!  
That thought calmed him a little, he carefully moved out of the shadows, into the street again, only to realize that he got lost during his frantic escape-move.  
He cursed quietly to himself. It would have been easier to just simply apparate, but he did not like doing it. It was not his strong side, and he did not find the idea of leaving his head behind entertaining at all. He would need his head tonight... Actually, his Master would need his head. And if he doesn't get there soon, The Dark Lord would take his head later.

As Peter, there was no way out of this predicament. As Wormtail, however, he still had a chance. He pulled his lips into a rueful grin, and concentrated on the magic. Becoming Wormtail used to be such a hard and unpleasant transformation back in Hogwarts. Nowadays it became easier and easier as if the powers of his new master had rubbed off on him somehow.  
He sniffed twice into the air and hurried on his short legs where his nose took him. His sense of direction was far more superior as a rat than it was as a human.

His thoughts jumbled simultaneously with the sharpening of his senses. Being and Animagus was not the way he had imagined before. Before he did it for the first time, he always thought he would be exactly like himself, thoughts, emotions and all, only looking like a rat, kind of like the effect of Polyjuice Potion. But it was different. As a rat, his perception changed, and he learned long ago, that perception defined reality. Not that he was able to put that particular wisdom into words, he just sensed that his sight was that of a rat's; keen, fast, but narrow and always close to the ground.  
He thought it was great. Looking at things that were out of his perspective only confused his thoughts. He needed to concentrate on what he could understand, what surrounded him. He focused on his path, to run swiftly and remain always in the shadows. Whether they were cast by tall trees, trash cans or houses, it did not matter. They were just shadows in the end, serving one purpose only: to hide him.

He was late. He felt it. And he could not help, but ponder how much faster he would be, if Prongs were to carry him on his back, or Padfoot in his mouth. (He actually preferred the latter, though he would have never dared to mention that to Sirius. But even though he was wet with Padfoot's saliva which should have disgusted him to his bones, he still felt safer there. Sirius never dropped him, while on Prongs' back he was the one who needed to hold on, and he occasionally failed to do that. He did not like falling off.)  
It was stupid to wish they were here. It was nonsensical. Where he went, they were not invited. He tried to banish them from his mind, but that was harder to do as Wormtail, because Peter had control over his thoughts, but Wormtail only had confused impressions and needs. The need, for example, to find the Dark Lord. Hunger. (He almost stopped at a half-eaten apple.) And the need to feel safe on Prongs' back or between Padfoot's sharp set of teeth. To be carried again, much-much faster than he could go.

He could go to Prong's house, he sensed they were not far. Lily would be there, caring, nice Lily. She would give him food. And Prongs would listen to his tale, and they would understand, and together they would make Remus and Sirius understand, and he would be helped. And he would be safe again, and Prongs would carry him on his back once more. And all would be as it was, before the Dark Lord, before the secrets. Before things got so confused.  
But he would not feel safe. Prongs was not fast enough, Padfoot was not strong enough. Neither of them was cunning enough, not like his master, not like a snake. Wormtail stopped. Rats did not feel any need to get close to snakes... Damn!

And he had to change back into his human form, and he had to try to apparate after all, because no matter how lost Peter was on the dark streets of this haunting, unknown village, Wormtail was twice as lost in the jungle of confused perception and needs.  
And Peter disappeared with a quiet noise, and he did not splinch. He might have left his heart on the pavements then and there, but as of late, Peter did not think he had that particular organ any more.


	10. Chapter 9 - Dungeons of Distrust

_I know, its a rather short one, but I hope you'll enjoy it(if thats the right word)! Reviews still mean the world to me! :) Thanks for all of you, who favorited, followed or reviewed so far! You are incredible people! :)_

* * *

**Dungeons of Distrust**

First there was laughter and kindness, and warm pride in the Order of the Phoenix. There was bravery and hope, and occasionally some pranks, because when you got four ex-marauders on your team, you can't really expect a meeting to go quietly, without any mischief.

And Dumbledore's eyes, no matter how grave and serious things got, would always twinkle in merriment when chaos erupted. He understood the need for laughter, he understood how it healed. He knew it was important to let go of the stress for once. The members needed to put down their burdens for a while, and if they did it while laughing at his very own beard (that mysteriously turned to bright turquoise), then so be it. Besides he was sure he could pull that colour off, though he made sure to tell James Potter that he preferred violet. Just in case. He explained to a rather embarrassed, red-faced James that violet simply brought out his eyes more.

Later it was a shocked, exhausted kind of love, and there were fewer people by the minute. Some fled, some went missing, some quitted, and some quitted life altogether. Empty chairs stood in silent memento, empty eyes stared at each other in disbelief. After the death of the Prewetts, even James Potter seemed to have forgotten how to laugh, and Albus Dumbledore did not quite remember the last time he had rainbow-coloured facial hair.  
It had been weeks since the last person had abruptly turned into a Death Eater- ghost with pink sunglasses on, after carelessly taking a sip of drink from her goblet. (Said person was Alice Longbottom, giving a near heart-attack to her new husband, Frank. Frank then got quite mad, and he was determined to teach a very innocent-looking Sirius Black some manners. But after the charm had worn off, Alice laughed the hardest, and eventually Frank had to give in, and admit that it was funny.)  
As of late, nobody had turned the door-knob into shrieking rats any more, and nobody sat on his chair only to jump up in fright because said chair would suddenly spray water (or wine, or something worse) on the robes of its victim.  
Laughs were fewer, and hearts got heavier with each passing day. They barely had the strength to hold onto each other. Every meeting was alike to a funeral now, they supported each other, whispered comforting words to each other, and hugged each other desperately, as if they were holding onto each other for dear life.  
Bravery was not a loud and glorious thing any more. But it was still there, and they would raise their heads and grind their teeth, and they would go on, leaning on each other, holding each other.

Later still, there were no smiles and no laughs. There were confused, worried glances and quick, hurried exchanges. The Order of the Phoenix moved now, never meeting at the same place, never staying long. They had given up planning and attacking, and they would have given up fighting altogether had Dumbledore not been there to encourage them. They were only defending now, defending themselves and those they could, but those they were still able to protect were painfully few. You Know Who seemed to always be one step ahead. And there were whispers, rumours of a traitor amidst their own ranks. Not those in the Ministry, no, they had known about them for long. But late events, the murder of the McKinnons seemed to prove that there was a spy, someone from the Order. The Death Eaters knew too much. There was no one to trust. Sirius Black was the first to be distrusted by none other than Alastor Moody. After all, he was a Black. Remus Lupin's loyalty was the second to be questioned by both Vance and Podmore, and eventually Moody as well. Because he was a werewolf.  
It would have been so much more tolerable really, had Padfoot and Moony been able to trust each other.

And then there was no Order. There was only chaos and fear. Lily and James Potter stopped attending meetings, running from one place to another, trying to find a solution to hide permanently with Harry (a concept that infuriated and annoyed James to such an extent, he thought he would go mad any minute). Sirius Black stopped attending meetings, because he was not particularly welcomed at them. He still met with Dumbledore and helped where he could, but he worked alone now. He was annoyed by their prejudice, but he understood them, and he would still go and see James, Lily and Harry, and that was good.  
Remus attended meetings and endured the distrustful glances, but he found Sirius' absence very queer and suspicious. In truth he just needed someone to talk to. He would have wanted Sirius to take his side and stand up for him. Unfortunately Sirius wanted Remus to do just the same, and Remus did not quite realize that.  
Without the Marauders the fun was permanently gone. Peter never really did anything. He just sat in a corner and watched silently, with dull yet nervous eyes. Everyone knew he wasn't the bravest kid, everyone felt sorry for him. He really was not cut out to face these dangers and deaths on his own, without Sirius or James. Remus tried to help him. But Peter did not seem to trust Remus the way he used to.

o.o

It was a deadly fight that convinced Sirius to choose Peter. He was attacked on duty, and Peter appeared by his side and stupefied a Death Eater. He did it from behind his back though, but they were long past gallantry and chivalry now, and it was undoubtedly the braves thing he had ever done. When Sirius asked how Wormtail knew where he was, Peter just shrugged casually.  
_'Remus and I went to see Dumbledore, and he told me. I think he just wanted to give me a chance to... you know... do something. Prove myself and all.'  
_And Sirius grinned because it was really something Dumbledore would have done.  
_'You just did, mate!'_ and he slapped him on the back gratefully. He did not realize he had forgotten to say "thank you" out loud. It was absolutely unintentional, and it wasn't as if he weren't thankful, he was just Sirius Black. But the lack of verbalized gratitude registered in Peter's mind permanently. Back in school, he wouldn't have noticed. But Pettigrew was a different person now, he was a cunning, great, important person now, he deserved to hear a bloody "thank you". Unfortunately for both of them, Sirius failed to see how utterly Peter had changed.  
He asked something else instead with furrowed brows:  
_'How come Moony is not here? I thought you two met the professor together?'  
__'Oh. He already left by the time Albus told it to me!'  
_Peter called him Albus now. He could do that.

And Sirius would only nod. And Sirius would not trust Remus any more from that point, not until that dreadful October night, on which he finally understood just how bad he was at reading people, and just how horrible he was at being a friend.


	11. Chapter 10 - Fields of Faith

_I tried a different formatting here, but I'm not sure if it works for me...  
Anyways, I don't know how things got this cheesy, sorry about that... I hope it's still believable to an extent! And in case it isn't clear: Sirius and Lily are close friends here. FRIENDS. I am not implying anything else! (I base this opinion of mine on the scene where Harry finds the letter Lily wrote to Sirius...That, by the way, happens to be one of my absolute favorite scenes of all the 7 books...)_

_Thank you all once more, for reading, reviewing, favoriting or following! :) I would love to hear your opinions of this chapter, because I'm not as happy about it as I should be... Please tell me what you thought!_

_Most importantly though (as always), please enjoy! :)_

* * *

**Fields of Faith**

_'Merlin...there is no air here.'_ James grumbled and run a hand through his hair in frustration; a gesture that would have annoyed Lily to death back in Hogwarts. She glanced up from the parchment she was working on, and eyed her husband with sudden caution. She knew how active he was, how reckless he was. She knew how his frustration had nothing to do with oxygen. As he continued to stride back and forth in the room, he stepped on a stuffed stag and almost fell over.

_'For fu..' _he kicked the animal into the wall.

_'James!'_ Lily warned, with a hint of authority in her voice. Little Harry who played on the carpet noiselessly, stared up at his father's tall figure in awe, and in a bit of fright.

_'Honey, why don't you take Harry outside and play a little?'_ she asked, carefully masking her concern.

_'Isn't it too late for that? He looks tired. Besides, summer is over, Lils. Evenings are cold!'_ but he swooped Harry up in his arms nonetheless. _'I am sorry, little guy. I did not mean to scare you!'_ he murmured as he held the drowsy kid.

_'Just put a sweater on him. He'll sleep better after!'_

James nodded and took Harry outside, but when a half an hour later Lily finished her work, prepared dinner, and went to join them, she found her husband sitting on the porch, hugging a sleeping Harry to his chest, murmuring something softly. She froze in the entrance – reluctant to destroy this illusion, this image of peace –, and she listened.

_'And there will be a huge castle filled with candles, ghost and armors, and gigantic fireplaces and what not... But you will find its grounds to be even more amazing, you will fly above the grass and feel the wind in your hair. And you will wander into the forest even though it is strictly forbidden...'_ (Lily couldn't decide whether she should glare or laugh at this.) '_And you will come home and tell me all about it. You will be free, we will be free. There'll be no Dark Lord and such nonsense, just us. A family. Maybe some sisters, if your mother would finally agree to...'_

_'James!'_ Lily shook her head, blushing slightly, but sitting beside him nonetheless, placing an arm around his waist and brushing the hair out of Harry's peaceful, sleeping face. _'I thought you came out to play... '_ she murmured.

James shrugged, a little. _'He likes to fall asleep to my endless nonsense. And it makes me calmer, you know.'_

_'I know.'_ she smiled, turning her face up, kissing him lightly. _'It made me calm too.'_

_o.o_

_'No!'_ James practically shouted as he paced around their kitchen._ 'Absolutely, bloody no!'_

_'It will be the perfect diversion. Nobody would suspect him... No offence, mate!_

Peter giggled nervously and shook his head.

_'Are you okay with this, Peter?'_ Lily turned to him with a worried look in her eyes. '_You don't actually have to do this. We would understand if you...'_

_'No!'_ he jumped to his feet hastily, frantically searching for words. He had to convince them, or he would be in so much trouble... _'No, I want to do this. You guys have done so much for me over the years, it's the least I can do to...'_

_'Its not "the least" Wormtail!'_ James shook his head with a frown_. 'You put your own life in danger for us.'_

_'As if you haven't done that for me, ever...'_ Peter answered with forced, nervous irony. He knew what he needed to say to James, James was so easy to manipulate.

_'What did Moony think?_' James turned to Sirius. There was an embarrassed sort of silence after this.

_'You didn't tell Remus!'_ Lily accused, wide-eyed. _'Why?'_

_'Sirius did not trust him.'_ Peter blurted out, glancing nervously around the room.

_'Padfoot!_' There were so many emotions in James' voice and look; disappointment, hurt, confusion... He really was easy to play. And so was Sirius. Peter knew how James would react, Peter counted on it... Attacking Sirius, blaming him, always resulted in his counter-attack. He was a fighter on every level.

_'Prongs, be sensible about this! Someone is spying on you. I don't know if it is Remus or not, I certainly don't want him to be... If he is loyal, no harm will be done. But I won't take risks. Not with your lives... Not with Harry's.'_

Peter had to admit to himself that Sirius did this much-much better than he would...

_'Moony is our friend, Pads! How could you even think...?'_

_'Because someone has to do some thinking, you__ conceited idiot!__'_ bellowed Sirius. _'I won't have you dying on me because you are too proud or naïve to accept that not everyone is as pure-hearted as you are!'_

_'Sirius...'_ Lily placed a hand in his shoulder.

_'I'm sorry, Lily. I just...'_

_'I know.'_ she answered simply, tightening her grip on him._ 'I know.'_

_'You have to agree with me!'_ Sirius said in a much smaller, almost pleading voice._ 'Peter will be hidden, and I will do everything in my powers to protect him. They know I am your best friend, they will come after me, and Peter will be safe! Just like Harry.'_

_'I am willing to do this. __Like Si__rius said; they won't suspect me.'_ Peter added in a tone he hoped would seem confident. James shook his head.

_'I don't know... If they figure out the trick, you will be hunted and you might be captured.'_

_'But the secret would be hidden in my heart, Prongs, not in my mind.'_ Peter answered soberly._ 'I would never willingly betray you and Lily.' _The lie suddenly did not feel so good any more.

_'I just don't know...'_ James protested, running his hand trough his hair. _'What do you think, Lils?'_

_'Can't we have some time to think about this?' _she asked thoughtfully._ 'I'd hate if any harm came to you because of us.'_

_'I am sorry, Lily, but you don't have much time.' _Sirius shook his head.

_'You really don't trust me, do you?'_ Peter asked quietly._ 'I mean I know, I'm not the best wizard or anything...'_

_'Pete, that's bullshit!' _James cut in, but Peter did not seem convinced and Lily could not stand that expression on his face. He looked so downcast, so vulnerable.

_'I accept it, James.'_ she spoke quietly. _'If he is really, truly willing, then I'll accept it. For Harry!'_

o.o

Later, when Peter already left, Sirius said good night to Harry, and was about to leave as well, Lily run after him and stopped him in the garden.

_'Sirius!'_

He turned and looked at her expectantly.

_'Protect Peter. Please!'_

Sirius always liked Lily, he always approved of James' choice. After all, who did not love Lily Evans? She was gorgeous, brave and funny, the sister he wished for and never had. But right now, she radiated so much passion, fire, and warmth that Sirius – for the first time – really did understand why James was so powerless against her.

_'I promise. I would give my life for your family!'_ Because no matter how compassionate Lily was, how much she liked Peter, ultimately she was a mother and a wife. And they both knew it wasn't about Wormtail in the end, it was about Harry and James.

_'Thank you!'_ she said simply and hugged him tightly. Sirius was confused by the gesture, but he returned the hug, and when they let go of each other awkwardly, and he left, he could not help thinking that he would readily give his life for Lily and her son, even if it weren't for James.

And for a passing moment he was oddly sure that he actually would, in the end.


	12. Chapter 11 - Lair of Love

_Okay, so fair warning: I know this is a bit cheesy again, but this chapter is very personal for me... It was hard to write, and it did not end up the way I would have wanted it to, but it's still very close to my heart! _

_And as usual; please review!_

* * *

**Lair of Love**

After much preparing with Dumbledore, and convincing him (along with everyone else) that Sirius would be the secret keeper, they had finally performed the Fidelius Charm today. Peter was secretly, and – momentarily safely – hidden somewhere. Sirius left a couple minutes ago to protect him, Lily prepared dinner, and James was outside with Harry, even though the evenings were really chilly now.

Lily felt miserable and cold, she felt like that for weeks now. She missed Remus, and her own friends, she missed the Order, she missed Alice and Frank especially, she missed her job, and she wanted to tell Dumbledore the truth, she trusted the old wizard with all her heart...Than again, she trusted everyone of their close friends, even though she had to admit that one of them was indeed a spy. Perhaps, secrets were better kept hidden, after all.. She sighed as she placed the chicken into the oven.  
But how did that all happen? When did she stop believing in honesty? It was unlike Lily Potter (or Lily Evans for that matter) to be so mistrustful.

She motioned with her wand towards the knife and it started to slice the onions, but it did not work neatly enough, the slices were too big. She cursed under he breath and flicked with her wand irritatedly, which caused the knife to chop the onions lightning-fast, but even less accurately.  
_'For Godric's sake!'_ she muttered and stopped the spell. She sat down and saved the rest of the onions, slicing them without magic. Household spells were a challenge to her. After all it was something a girl was supposed to learn from her mother... Lily did learn a couple of things from her own Mum; she learned how to cook with electricity, she learned how to clean with a vacuum-cleaner, how to wash dishes, or how to bake in an oven. But learning how to do all these things with magic was entirely up to her to figure out. And she tried, she tried really hard, buying all sorts of books and asking all of her friends. But every family had these little tricks, altered spells, secret recipes and charmed tools that they just wouldn't share with an outsider, and frankly, Lily battled endlessly with the role of a magical housewife. In times like these, she oddly sympathized with the anti-muggleborn conceptions. After all, these things a girl was supposed to learn from her mother, and she just did not have a way of learning it, since her mother wasn't gifted with magic, and her mother-in-law passed away by the time they started dating with James.  
She was sure James too would be absolutely clueless regarding the subject. He did not look like he'd ever even seen how meat looks like before its cooked. Besides, she was too proud to ask for help. Sure, she was a muggleborn, she was at a disadvantage, but Lily Evans (or Lily Potter for that matter) did not shy away from difficulties. She thrived on them!  
_'Crap.'  
_The smell of burning chicken brought her attention back to reality and she turned off the magical oven just in time... She sat back to the onions, but the knife slipped somehow and she cut her thumb with it...  
_'Merlin's fuc...'  
__'Lily!'_ James' voice was thick with warning (he had Harry in his arms) and barely hidden amusement, but his sudden appearance scared Lily, and she sent the knife flying towards him in the air. It was a good thing James had trained reflexes, and ducked away swiftly enough; Lily was surprisingly good at aiming.  
_'Shit... I'm so sorry!'_ she jumped to her feet, rushing towards her husband and son, but her elbow pushed the bowl of onions to the floor, and the clean, neatly sliced pieces spilled all over the kitchen floor.  
_'Oh for the love of...'_ She froze in place... This had to be a joke! Or a dream, a nightmare... And then she heard James' chuckle. He dared to fucking chuckle!  
_'Something funny, Potter?!' _she glared at him, narrowing her eyes, pressing her mouth into a thin line.  
_'Yeah, Potter... '_ he grinned, unaffected by her wrath. _'You are hilarious, love!'  
_She stared at him motionlessly, contemplating her choices. She could either start a fight, and yell, and unleash all her frustration on him, or she could laugh along, (because deep down inside, she knew that he was right, and that she looked absolutely ridiculous). And no matter how tempting the first option seemed (after all, they were insanely good at fighting, they practised that for years), she chose the latter and started to laugh, if a little bit hysterically.

She did not even know how and when the crying started, she was surprised when she touched her cheeks and felt the wetness with her fingers, she was shocked when she tasted the salty tears in her mouth.  
James stopped laughing then, and looked at her, brown eyes wide with concern. He turned and quickly put Harry down in his bed (he fell asleep sometime during their giggles), and by the time he came back Lily would cry loudly like a child, scared of herself, scared of the look in James' eyes, scared of their entire life that was in the hands of somebody else now. How did that all happen, really?!  
And she was terrified of not being able to protect her family, of not being good enough, of failing them, and she felt utterly, thoroughly miserable like a stupid teenager. And she was too tired to realize that her emotions were perfectly normal, the result of living under so much stress, so much pain... She was beyond exhausted as she tried to keep up with everything and be strong for James and Harry.

But James, somehow knew. And he came back and picked her up from the chair where she collapsed earlier, and he pulled her into an embrace. He did not try to hush her, neither did he persuade her to "let it out", but after a while he started to murmur something softly to her, and when another couple of violent sobs passed, and she was finally capable of listening, she heard him whisper:  
_'And we will watch as Harry waves from the train, and we will know that he shall be in good hands. And Sirius'll be there too, giving last minute advice to his godson about ways to get around unnoticed after curfew, and we'll watch together as the train departs... And there'll be a sweet little red-head clutching your arms, already missing her brother...And we will be a proper family, without all of this nonsense...'  
_She hugged him, clinging to him with all she had, because James was such a solid rock, he provided such warmth; he made her feel strong.  
_'What if that isn't true? What if that really is a fairy-tale?'  
__'No darkness lasts forever!' _James said simply._ 'Here, let me help you with that!'  
_He took out his wand and cleaned Lily's hands and healed the cut on her thumb in a second. (He was quite an expert at that... After all, one who had decided to tame werewolves in his spare time had to be skilled at healing.)

And Lily just stared at him in wonder, before kissing him passionately, wrapping her arms around him, pulling him closer and closer … And neither of them would remember how they ended up in the bedroom, and neither of them would care much for burned chicken or spilled onions that night.

o.o

The next morning would indeed be brighter, but the sun would not quite shine, not yet. And it would not do so for a long time...after all, it was only October.  
_'Lily... What if... What if we die and leave him alone?' _James whispered as he held his wife in his arms. Because, curiously enough, James Potter was also human, and he had fears and doubts too, though he never voiced them to anyone but Lily.  
_'Then he'll know that we died, so he could live in a better world, where all those things we only dreamed with him, would become reality! For Harry, and for others like him...'_ Lily said grimly, and as James looked at her with the pale Autumn sun seemed to set her hair on fire; she glowed in the light, strongly, purely.

This morning was brighter indeed... They did not feel happy, not yet. But they were warmer and stronger. They rested enough to prepare for another day, another fight, to hold out a little longer...Just a little longer; it would all end soon. It had to!


	13. Chapter 12 - Passages of Purpose

_The shortest, most... confusing? chapter yet. I hope you enjoy it though! And please, tell me what you think! Believe me, whatever it is that you may think, I would love to hear it!_

* * *

**Passages of Purpose**

He went where his feet took him, he did not look, he did not see. James and Lily. No more. Nothing. No more. He was supposed to be the godfather, but he couldn't, he couldn't even save that loveable kid, because everyone thought he was the traitor, and he knew he had to run.

Yes, he had to run.. his right hand tightened on his wand. Yes, he had to run, he had to find him. And he was Padfoot once more, because being Padfoot took some of the pain away and cleared his sight. Padfoot was on the hunt, driven by one purpose, and one purpose only; to kill!

Revenge drove him through unknown cities and dark forests. Padfoot would know where to find a stinking, disgusting rat; Padfoot was a hunter and he never failed. They used to have that in common with Sirius, but Sirius failed terribly-terribly as of late, Sirius was not a good companion any more, and Padfoot tried with all he had, to get rid of him. Black dog, that is what he was, that is what he would be, until he did what he had set out to do. And what then? Nothing then. Nothing.

But Sirius was not that easy to be separated from, and Sirius would bring indescribable pain, a gnawing guilt with himself, that would make Padfoot howl into the unforgiving night. Bloody, cursed trust, bloody cursed friendship. One task to do, to kill, to fill the emptiness, fill it up with blood!

He run through crowded streets, passed trough innocent men, snarling and barking whenever someone got too close to him. Muggles jumped out of his way, frightened of the mad, raging dog. For occasional, passing moments, he was frightened of himself too. He had never killed before, and the one time he almost caused death, resulted in more pain than he would have thought possible, over that slimy little git! And he was about to kill Peter now, Peter with whom he had been on many adventures, shared laughs, pulled pranks on people. Peter who he taught how to be an Animagus. Peter who he had grown to trust instead of Remus. Oh, curse this bloody remorse, away with it!

He would find the Rat, as he called him now. He would find the Rat, he would pick him up between his teeth as he used to, and he would hear as he squeals, feel as he squirms of fright, and Padfoot would enjoy that moment, before his sharp teeth would snap, bones would break, and the Rat would be no more.

o.o

He was Sirius again, pulling his hood over his head, hurrying along dark streets. Even Padfoot failed. He did not find the Rat. He should go to Dumbledore. He should try to explain how many times he had failed, and he should try to look after Harry. He felt numb. He felt as if... He did not really feel anything at all. Harry should be his responsibility. When he agreed to be the godfather, they were not innocent, careless children any more. James was not stupid, he was not as deluded as Sirius. He knew something like this might happen to them, that is why he entrusted his best friend with the task of protecting Harry. And Lily, gorgeous, funny, warm Lily had agreed eagerly too. So why is he here, wandering aimlessly in the shadows instead of doing what he promised he would?  
He should go to Dumbledore! He pushed through a crowded area, filled with muggles and bright sunshine. He hated that sunshine now.

He should be giving up the search for Peter and he should go to Dumbledore. Tell him. Trust him with the truth. Seek his help. He turned on his heels, halfway into apparition.  
And then the Rat had found him.

The Rat was pale, and he was shaking. Sirius almost felt something at the sight of him then. But the emotion was so frail and passed so quickly, he did not have the time to analyse whether it was remorse, hate, pity or anger. He just raised his wand. In that moment, his perception was clear once more. He didn't want Peter dead now. He just wanted to capture him, so that he would be free to do what he was supposed to. To look after Harry, as he promised James and Lily.  
The idea that Peter would try something against him did not even cross his mind. Because he was a slow learner of people, because the Peter he knew would never have the guts to raise a wand against Sirius. Unfortunately, the Peter he knew was no more.

The Rat had a second plan. He was taught well, he tricked well, he faked well.

And amidst a sea of dead people and screams and blood, Sirius started to laugh, because Peter just pulled the best possible prank with the perfect alibi, and Sirius knew he was utterly, and absolutely defeated. And he laughed as they took him away, and did not even shed a tear over not being properly questioned. What for? The only thing that filled him with remorse then, was the thought of Harry. But he had Dumbledore and his muggle family. They would take care of little Harry, he told himself. What more could he do? He had lost utterly, completely.

And from that moment he regretted that the knowledge of his innocence kept him alive, he regretted being strong and unbreakable. He could not stop himself from turning into his dog form when the pain became unbearable, but he cursed Padfoot too now, because if it weren't for him, Sirius would not have lived, because Sirius always did something, he always had a purpose, and this pathetic excuse of a Sirius that lived now in prison and escaped into his dog form, he had not aim, no purpose, nothing.

He had absolutely nothing.


	14. Chapter 13 - Residence of Regret

_So, this is officially the last real chapter. Not a long one, and an exception in itself, because... Well, you shall see! :) Overall I can't help being a bit disappointed with this story, but I guess that can't be helped. I hope those of you who kept reading enjoyed it at least a little though. I'd love to hear from you all!_

_There will be an epilogue (which - by the way - was my absolute favorite to write). And then...that'd be it, I guess..._

_Thank you all for reading, and please, enjoy!_

* * *

**Residence of Regret**

Severus paced the corridors to placate himself and ease his fury. Damn, Potter's kid was every bit his father; arrogant, weak, with no sense of boundaries...  
How dare he get into his Pensieve? He should have obliviated his mind right there, but those dreadful green eyes, they just...

He stopped dead in his tracks, and stared at the foggy windows in front of him. It was so, so many years ago, but he still remembered. He remembered what she said, how her delicate fingers moved on the glass, drawing unconscious patterns. He stepped closer to the window, and his own fingers followed the shapes from back then, the shapes he could never forget.

That unbelievable shade of red, so unique, so lovely! That radiating smile. And damn, she was as bright as they come. Did that stupid, arrogant fool appreciate her mind, or was he just after her looks?  
It was no wonder Potter loved her though. In Severus' opinion it was impossible not to love her. But did she really have to choose him?

He did not curse out loudly, he had learned long ago to control himself, but he paled a little as he thought of Potter and his stupid son. Why did she have to choose him? She could have had anyone! Hell, she could have chosen him, Severus...  
Only she couldn't. Because of one mistake he made... At the age of fifteen. Damn...  
How many mistakes had James Potter made? How many times did he insult her? And yet, she could forgive Potter, but not him...

She had faith in the wrong person. He learned this from Dumbledore and he believed it, because she was just like that; warm and trusting. She used to trust him blindly too, when they were children... Foolish, stupid, sweet little doe!

How could that idiot boy be her child, Severus wondered. Would Harry Potter had turned out differently, if Lily could have raised him? He did not think so. His father would have been there too... And even though he knew Lily would have been a wonderful mother, James Potter's influence could not be underestimated. Harry Potter would have been even more of a conceited idiot... Perhaps things were better this way, the Dark Lord had done the kid a favour... He sneered darkly, only to pale even further as he realized the full meaning of what he had just thought.

Oh, for the sake of Salazar! This was all wrong!

Because the real question was not why she did this or that... It all ended with his choices. Why did he have to be a Slytherin? Why did he have to choose the Dark Lord? And finally why, why on Salazar's name did he have to be at that cursed place at that cursed time, and why couldn't he just keep his mouth shut?

And while Severus Snape was an intelligent man, he – sadly – did not understand people very well. And so he could not even understand himself; he couldn't know that all his bad choices were made because he constantly felt that he needed to prove himself. That he needed power to become someone, someone of importance. Someone great. And all that was because of his parents horrific marriage, the lack of a warm, loving family. Because of the lack of love in general. Sadly, he did not know this. Than again, the knowledge itself would not have been enough to ease his pain and remorse.

The wizards had ways of turning back time, but the use of these powers was restricted and carefully controlled... Time was no wizard's toy. Severus understood and resented this truth.  
When he learned the news, when he learned that she was no more, the first time in all his life, he questioned the worth of being magical. What was the point of being a wizard if he could not actually use the powers of magic to save her? But he was not the sort of person to question the magnificence of his special skills for long. After all, when they first met, magic connected them. Two different people so unlikely to meet otherwise, but through magic, they connected. And when she was gone, magic remained. It was the only thing that gave Severus some sort of pleasure. He would lose himself in his work, he would invent spells, and brew unnamed potions, (and he would imagine her working with him once more.)  
Through magic, he would find some sort of comfort and relief. And through protecting that stupid, idiot boy.

He brought down his fist on the window, and watched as it shattered, as the pieces of glass pierced his skin, as blood flowed from his wounds.  
He was not the kind of man to cause himself any sort of harm willingly. And he was definitely not the kind of man to display his emotions quite as... profanely as he just did now. He frowned in disgust at himself; punching windows was so uncivilized and barbaric... something the Potters would do. It was quite below him, really.

But the pain seemed to soothe his rage in an odd way. He mused at this, before curing his hand with a flick of his wand. He cleaned up the blood before he left because he resented mess and disorder, but for some strange, unexplainable reason, he did not repair the broken window.

o.o

Professor Dumbledore was on his way back to his office after a cup of warm hot chocolate in the middle of the night. He could have asked it to be brought to his office, but he liked to wander the castle now and then. Besides, chatting with the house elves was always fun. In a way. They were just too easy to scandalize, really.

He stopped abruptly as he found something glinting on the floor in the light of the moon. He knelt and examined the pieces of shattered glass and he frowned as he waved his wand, and the window restored itself...  
He was just about to be on his way again, when something caught his eyes once more, this time on the repaired window.

By some strange conjunction of the laws of physics, magic and faith, the pieces preserved the wetness on them, and by doing so, they also preserved the figures that were drawn onto them.

And Dumbledore would frown at the image of a tiny doe, looking terribly lost amidst tall, dark trees. And tough he did not quite understand then and there just what it meant, he could feel the traces, the heat of the deepest kind of magic radiating from the image. And his blue eyes would glisten somewhat more brightly.


	15. Epilogue - Hall for the Hallowed

**Hall for the Hallowed**

Remus Lupin was a sensible, compassionate man. He had an infinite love for justice and humanity, (the Sorting Hat even considered putting him to Hufflepuff because of that feature.) He was smart and talented, barely behind James and Sirius, though he admittedly had to work more on his grades than his mates did. (That being said, Remus actually enjoyed learning; a fact that almost got him into Ravenclaw, and a fact that got him constantly teased by Prongs and Padfoot.)  
He was a courageous, talented wizard who lived with a constant guilt over being a werewolf, over failing James and Lily, over not living up to his mother's expectations, over betraying Dumbledore's trust...

Constant guilt did no good to Remus Lupin, but it made him a more tolerant man. He learned to accept that Severus Snape was not really the worst person in England, he learned not to judge others for judging him. The only thing Remus J. Lupin did not find easy to learn, was to forgive himself.  
And that was why he fought with all he had not to let Dora in, because being a werewolf was not much of a hindrance in causal, one-night stands, and he was careful to push everyone away after a couple of dates at the latest, never allowing himself to feel anything deeper than adoration. He did not seem to be aware of the injuries he inflicted upon others during the process, and even if he was, he convinced himself that is was for the best, that he saved them from the worst.

Remus was brave on many levels. He was not afraid to fight, he was not afraid to face unknown dangers, he was not afraid to protect those he loved. The only thing Remus J. Lupin ever feared, was himself, and the damage he could do.  
But he was also brave enough to admit when he had done something wrong. He could muster the courage to confess to Dumbledore, he was brave enough to accept that Harry had been right to be angry with him.  
True, he needed a little bit of nudging and pushing here and there, but Remus would always do the right thing (sooner or later. Sometimes it took time to realize what exactly was the "right thing".)

Remus Lupin was an infinitely patient man. Being constantly looked down upon, being distrusted all the time taught him to endure even the cruellest of circumstances with humility. He had learned at the early age of eleven, what it was like to live constantly on somebody's good graces, and even though he hated it infinitely, his gratitude overpowered his resentment. Because he also had to learn at a tender age that people were not always what they seemed, and the while the most tolerant-looking ones would run in disgust when he revealed himself to them, sometimes the less likely ones accepted him with ease. And he learned to appreciate it, especially after he married Dora and ceased to be alone. (After all, at some point in his life, he really did need to stop obsessing over himself.)

When Sirius came back, he admitted to himself that he should have trusted him. He admitted to himself that Sirius had flaws, but he should have trusted him nonetheless. (And he convinced himself that he should not expect to get back his childhood friend, because twelve horrid years of Azkaban did change a person for good, no matter how strong said person was.)

He had learned to be grateful for what he had been given. He had learn to accept everything and everyone. He was never as trustful as James or Sirius, and when he saw how blindly faithful Harry could be, he could not quite decide whether he should be proud or angry at him, or just freak the hell out, because he was sure he would not survive watching Harry die of the same fate his father did.

Remus Lupin was a wonderful teacher. He understood people in general and that gave him a natural advantage over other professors. He was patient enough, he was knowledgeable enough. And he was also wise, wiser than his friends, and a lot more careful.  
He inspired others to be tolerant and wise. He could not inflict much of his wisdom upon Harry, as James' son seemed to be just as decidedly reckless and impulsive as his father always was. But Harry respected him enough to at least think about what he said, and that, in the end, was good enough.

Remus Lupin did not hesitate to give his life to the right cause. After witnessing the reign of the Dark Lord not once, but twice, and having his own son, Teddy, he understood that some things in life were worth fighting for, and ultimately dying for. And he would make sure that it was understood. And he would inspire others to do the same, to fight relentlessly for humanity and justice, but be accepting and wise at the same time.

o.o

Sirius Black was haughty and overconfident all his life. He was born into a family that was respected (and feared) by the entire magical world. His name itself was enough to attract attention, not to mention his good looks. He was used to being always in the centre of everything, surrounded by admirers. He did not care much about people in general, he only loved those selected few he called his friends. But them, he loved completely, with a desperate sort of passion, because he had a never ending hunger for love, a hunger that should have been satiated when he was still a child.  
He believed in all the great things; in courage, loyalty and wisdom, but his temper often got the best of him. He was dangerously passionate and foolishly independent at the same time. He could not always live up to the image of a "great man" as he called it, but he was not aware of that incapability, he failed to see his own faults in general, while he was especially keen-sighted concerning the faults of others.

Once he had decided to do something, he did not think again, he jumped head-first into whatever chaos he had unleashed, and he did it with a constant laugh in his eyes.  
He took life easily, always taking it for granted, but never really feeling the particular need to stay alive. He took whatever life had thrown in his face, he laughed at it and lived through it, with the same graceful ease and appealing haughtiness with which he did everything else in the world.

He had sex before any of his friends, and he was an instinctively fantastic lover, and of course, he was barely aware of it. He never felt love, not in a way James did towards Lily, his devotion only lasted till the night, though it burned fiercely through it. He did not bother with love, he could not fully comprehend it, he was too busy being cool, and a rebel. He got bored quickly with everything he did. He did not have the time to really grow into a man, that time when he should have been exploring himself, he spent in a cell, staring at blank walls, devoid of emotions and memories.  
Unlike James, he was capable of feeling downcast for long periods, his emotions ranged from utter depression to complete, blissful happiness. After twelve years of misery, his genetically unstable mind was finally messed up for good, but he tried to hold the pieces together nonetheless.

Sirius Black was his best as Padfoot, he felt best as Padfoot, driven more by instinct than by logic, feeling utterly free, freer than any other way (perhaps because even after fourteen years, the guilt never really left him, and Padfoot was less capable of feeling that particular emotion than Sirius.)  
He was incredibly talented and surprisingly fast at both moving and thinking. He showed an unusual creativity in magic; while most of the time James was behind the ideas of their pranks, Sirius would find, or invent the actual charm that did the tricks.  
He worshipped James like nobody else, in his eyes, James was undoubtedly the better person.

Sirius Black was strong, stronger than any of his friends, thought none of them were aware of this fact, he himself the least.. But he had to be stronger than they were, after all he had to cope with emotional situations that none of them understood.  
That is how he survived Azkaban; he was stubborn enough to hold onto something when everything else fell apart. He was strong enough to believe in one purpose only, to believe he could do it, because he needed to do it, because he needed to get that one thing right, after getting everything else wrong, after destroying his whole world.  
And when he failed even to do that, he had miraculously found a new hope to hold on to, because Harry was every bit James, and for James he would have sat through another twelve years in hell; for him, he would relive his entire horror of a life once more.  
And he went through the guilty apologies with Remus, he rebuilt their maimed friendship from the utter ruins. For James' son. For Harry.

Sirius Black had many faults, but he was a good man; he was courageously smart, he was infinitely loyal, strong and unbreakable.  
And Sirius Black inspired loyalty and strength, he inspired courageous, instinctive thinking and adamant bravery. He was proud and stupid, and he planted the same insanity and pride onto Harry. He lived on in Harry. For better or worse.

o.o

James Potter was not the kindest of people nor the most open-minded. He had grown up receiving all the greatness of the magical world, and he had grown overly used to them. He sincerely loathed prejudices regarding blood-status or family names, but he believed that one's worth was highly determined by one's abilities. (He would have strongly denied that, if anyone would have accused him of such beliefs). Once his good opinion was lost, it was lost forever, he did not believe that people could change (which was incredibly ironic, if someone looked at how much he himself had matured while growing up). And since he did not believe in change, once he decided he liked someone, he would not alter his opinion, not even in the most dire circumstances. He was not a particularly observant person, after all he had no need to be one, as things always worked themselves out around him. Lily Potter was the first person who enlightened him of this particular insufficiency in his otherwise perfect self. (And Lily was the one, for whom he actually learned to listen. Turned out, he wasn't that bad of a listener after all.)

Regarding muggles and women James could be ridiculously ignorant to the point of annoying Lily to death, but for an only child, he was surprisingly great with kids.

He was a man of no faith, or rather he had only faith in himself, and in those he loved.  
He loved deeply and utterly, giving all he could to those he deemed worthy of such devotions. He was absolutely shitty at expressing his love with words, but he would always be there, whenever they needed him. He would go at great lengths to make people (especially Lily and Harry) laugh, because he sincerely believed in a better world where problems were solved with laughs and pranks.

He was generally incapable of feeling depressed and cast-down for long, and he was absolutely incapable of tolerating said emotions around him. His eyes would sparkle constantly with mirth and mischief, even as a grown man, a husband, and a father, he kept everyone around him constantly on their toes. With James there was no knowing what to expect and when to expect it. He had a blatant disregard for rules in general, but he had very strong sense of morale that he wouldn't overrule, ever.  
His genetic distaste for quiet did not stop him from admiring the most precious moments of life in silence. Despite being talented, and generally the centre of attention, he tried not to look down on others, who weren't. (He was not always successful in trying. But he did not give up.)  
His hope was everlasting, and so was his energy, and smile. He loved chaos and thrived on it, feeling brave enough not to need any kind of rules or stability. (But only feeling so, because he was born into an incredibly warm and stable family, and he had found his anchor in Lily once his parents were not there to stabilize him any more.)

James Potter inspired people to cause pandemonium and disturbance. He inspired people to be reckless, to enjoy life while it lasted, in a world where life – apparently – did not last for long. He lived life to the fullest and he lived on in his son. As a natural leader, he inspired courage, loyalty and admiration, and he continued to inspire through Harry, long after Lord Voldemort stepped over his pale, laugh-less, lifeless body.

o.o

Lily Potter loved easily and radiated warmth. She mesmerized everyone with it, and her additional wittiness only increased her likeability. It was no wonder she captured the eyes of James Potter, really. Lily Potter was an outstanding girl, and James was used to getting the best of everything.

Lily Potter was tolerant and honest, and trustful to the point of foolishness. She gave love carelessly, even in those dark times, when love and faith should have been guarded like a fragile candlelight in wind storms. She was compassionate to a ridiculous extent; she felt sorry for owls that they had to carry letters during snowfall, she once felt bad for hours after accidentally stepping on a snail. She would cry over books, and feel bad for Peter whenever one of James' or Sirius' "ironic" comments regarding him went a little over the line. She could not even be thoroughly angry with Petunia for calling her a freak, and refusing to meet James or to come to the wedding. Because Lily Potter simply understood people, and she found she rarely had it in her to hate people, once she understood them.  
She loved bicycles and missed them in Hogwarts (and could have kissed James to death when he had given her an electric blueone as a birthday present. Her eagerness lessened somewhat when she learned it was enchanted to fly. Turned out James Potter could not imagine how any means of transport could possibly be fun without flying..._ "Really, James?...Really?!"_)

Lily Potter was – despite her outer appearance – not much of a hothead. Her anger was slow in coming, but when it did, it had the power of a thunderstorm. She did not believe in fighting, but she did not shy away from it either. Direct confrontation was never her strong side though, but she – as her roommates often teased – could possibly charm the robes off of even the Bloody Baron if she tried.  
Understanding and generally liking most people did not stop Lily from loving her close friends with a special, fierce determination. She wore her love and utter devotion as an armour and a weapon as well; none fought with more fire than she did, whenever her loved ones were in danger. (Lily's skills as a dueller came as a surprise even to James. Not as if he did not know that his wife was the best possible woman on earth, but still... The way she stood her ground against even Voldemort himself, was astonishing.)

Lily Potter inspired love in others. Even after her trustfulness turned against her for once, and she left the boundaries of this world, Lily Potter continued to inspire love and loyalty.

She inspired Snape's lifelong sacrifice, she inspired Sirius not to give in to desperation, to stay alive for Harry, she inspired Dumbledore to keep fighting and keep believing in the most wonderful, deepest kind of magic. (It helped him a great deal, for the inspiration came shortly after finding one of the Hallows and facing the terrible temptation of power once more). Lily Potter lived on in her son, more so than what would have been expected after spending only such a short time with him. But Lily Potter continued to inspire through Harry, inspire others to fight for love, for courage and loyalty. For Harry. And for all the things that were worth fighting for.

_The End_

* * *

_**And so it ends. For me "The Hallowed" are the ones who returned for Harry in DH, the ones who earned that title...**_

_**I'd like to thank Cassandra Lane, Chamelaucium, Creampuff21, Laerthel, Natto'n'aliens, The Girl Who Loved '62442, qmione,Snowflake99D, for favoriting or following the story, I hope you enjoyed it all the way through!**_

_**Special thanks to Cassandra Lane, Chamelaucium, Laerthel, Natto'n'aliens and Creampuff21, KELLYNTOMM1120 for reviewing! You don't know how much each of those reviews mean! I can't thank you enough for taking the time!**_

_**Thank you lurking readers, I hope you enjoyed it too, and I'd love to hear from you as well! ;)**_

_**And last but not least: Thank you dear Laerthel for the amazing cover image!**_

_**I really, really hope you enjoyed this, and I'd still LOVE to hear what you thought (especially about the epilogue)!**_


End file.

Harry Potter