Naruto 1. Raikiri: Act I

(-Author's Notes & Summary-)

NOTES: Well, Here I am with a little something new! This will be a series of non-sensical and retarded ways of killing off one of the most detestable villains in anime and manga history... Orochimaru or Oreo! (Though I've seen many worse). Anyway, This was partially inspired by Gaijin's 'Mamoru Must Die!' series and is done in cooperation with Hanako-chan and her 'Itachi Must Die!' series. I alsohave a less 'plain' format now, tell me what you all think.

SUMMARY: A series of nonsensical, and oftentimes short, ways of killing off the snake sannin, Oreo!

(-Disclaimer, etc.-)

DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own the anime or manga of Naruto, nor do I own the characters contained therein. They are owned by Kishimoto Masashi.

PAIRINGS (that show up occasionally and just for my own sake): Sasuke/Sakura, Neji/Tenten, and Naruto/Hinata

RATING: T - M (for multiple deaths of Oreo)

GENRE: Humor

LENGTH: Until I can't think of anymore ways to kill off Orochimaru

WARNINGS: OROCHIMARU WILL DIE IN EVERY FIC/CHAPTER OF THIS SERIES/STORY!

**(-ACT I: RAIKIRI!-)**

Orochimaru turns and starts walking away from Kakashi. "Oh, Weren't you going to kill me?" The snake sannin says, stopping walking for a moment, "You can try." He starts walking again, "If you think you can." he adds.

Kakashi thinks for a moment before shrugging slightly and running at the snake sannin to impale him with Raikiri, causing Orochimaru's snake-like eyes to widen. ("He... actually did it...") The snake sannin says in his mind.

Within moments, Oreo falls to the floor... dead as a doorknob. Kakashi sighs before stuffing his hands in his pockets and glancing back to where Sasuke is coming to. Sasuke sits up and, as the Seal and Curse marks begin evaporating, Kakashi looks up to the ceiling and adds in his mind, ("Well, I guess that sealing it was pointless.") He pulls out Icha Icha Tactics and turns to the page he was reading, "I'll be back, Sasuke." he says to the Uchiha, "I have to report this to Sandaime Hokage-sama." With that, the silver haired jounin vanishes from the room.

"Hn." Sasuke responds after Kakashi's gone. The raven haired Uchiha then gets up and stuffs his hands in his pockets as he decides to go watch the rest of the matches. However, On the way back to the arena, Sasuke is confronted by Kabuto who's now wearing an Oto-nin hitai-ate.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke-kun." Kabuto says, holding up a kunai toward the young Uchiha as he adjusts his glasses, "I have orders from Orochimaru-sama."

Sasuke raises his obsidian gaze toward the silver haired Oto-nin, "Orochimaru?" he repeats, "Kakashi already killed him." With that, He points back toward Orochimaru's dead carcas.

Upon seeing where Sasuke pointed, Kabuto's eyes widen and he drops his kunai to the floor. "O-Orochimaru-sama?" he says, seeming nearly on the verge of tears as he approaches the snake sannin's body. Suddenly, Sasuke appears behind the silver haired Oto-nin and brings a kunai up to his throat.

"I never did trust you." The Uchiha says before jerking the kunai across Kabuto's throat, killing him. Kabuto's dead body then falls to the floor and Sasuke drops the kunai before turning and starting off back toward the arena.

"Hn." Sasuke says, once again stuffing his hands into his pockets as he walks, "I wonder how those two are doing?"

**(-To Be Continued-)**

Ramblings: First Omake done. I know it's short but, is it funny? Tune in for the next one. Ja.


	2. Kusanagi

(-Author's Notes-)

Here we are with the second 'Oreo Must Die!' Omake. Read on!

**(-KUSANAGI!-)**

At Oreo's 'hidden' base...

Naruto, Kakashi, Sakura and Sai are facing off against the snake sannin in yet a second post time-skip attempt to retrieve Sasuke from Orochimaru's vile clutches. However, even with the assistance of Kakashi, it seems that the mission to reclaim Sasuke from Orochimaru will simply remain a fleeting dream of the group.

As Kabuto watches from the shadows, Oreo prepares to finish off the current Team 7 with his Kusanagi sword... ... Unfortunately, Something goes terribly awry and Orochimaru suddenly grips his throat with his left hand and start coughing, gasping for breath. "K... Kab... u... to!" He struggles, turning toward Kabuto and pointing to his throat with his right index finger.

Kabuto stands up from his hiding place and adjusts his glasses, "What is it, Orochimaru-sama?" he questions, curiously, "Is something wrong?" Wondering as to what calamity is befalling his master.

Oreo continues hacking, coughing, and gasping for air as he points to his throat again and again until he crumples to the ground, his eyes becoming comical 'X's. Kabuto suddenly gasps and dashes out to his master's side. The silver haired medical ninja adjusts his glasses again before checking Oreo to discover he is, indeed, dead. "Noooo! Orochimaru-sama!" He cries out before remembering that he is a 'medical' ninja.

However, Before the silver haired Oto-nin is able to do anything, Sasuke suddenly appears behind him and cuts him down with his Kusanagi sword. Kabuto dies instantly and his body then falls forward across Oreo's dead frame. The raven haired Uchiha pitches his Kusanagi sword onto the ground beside the two dead Oto-nins before raising his gaze to his former teammates (plus Sai) and notices Sakura standing with her hands clasped together in front of herself.

"S... Sasuke-kun?" The pink haired medical kunoichi says, managing a nervous smile.

Sasuke stuffs his hands in his pockets and closes his obsidian eyes, "Hn. Okay, already." he says, smirking slightly, "I get it. I'll come home, okay?"

Upon hearing those words leave the Uchiha's lips, Sakura's nervous smile grows much larger before she runs over and glomps her former teammate. Soon enough, Sasuke walks past the other three somewhat dumbfounded shinobi with a certain pink haired kunoichi hanging on his right arm wearing a big smile on her face. A short distance further along, Sasuke and Sakura stop. "Oi, Are you guys coming or not?" Sasuke questions, glancing back over his left shoulder before beginning to walk again.

Naruto snaps out of his shock first and runs after his two teammates, "Hey, Wait up!" he calls after them.

"We wouldn't have to wait if you weren't so slow, tonchiki." Responds Sasuke arrogantly... yeah, it's just like old times.

Kakashi is the next to recover and sighs as he pulls his hitai-ate down to cover his Sharingan-embued left eye. The silver haired jounin then pulls out Icha Icha Tactics, turns to a particular page, and begins reading as he walks off after the re-united Team 7. Sai is left standing there before he turns to the readers with a smile on his face, "I guess this Omake has a happy ending." he says.

From somewhere down the way, Sasuke's voice speaks calmly, "Fourth Wall."

**(-To Be Continued-)**

Ramblings: Second Omake done. Again it's pretty short, but what d'you think? Is it funny at all? Well, anyway, Tune in for the next one okay? Ja for now.


	3. Raikiri: Act II

(-Author's Notes-) 

Hey all! Bet you were thinking I'd given up on this little Omake series, eh? Nope, Just been having MAJOR Writer's Block! Anyway, Now I'm back with number 3... Oreo Must Die! again.

(-RAIKIRI: ACT II-)

)-Konoha Village-(

"What!" Tsunade questions, slamming her hands against her desk to abruptly stand up, "Are you saying you've found Orochimaru's base?"

Hatake Kakashi raises his gaze from the pages of Icha Icha Tactics toward the Godaime and nods once before his visible right eye curls into a smile, "That's right. It's located near the border of the Sound Country... not very well-hidden for a secret base."

"Alright," Tsunade says, slumping back into her seat behind her desk and clasping her hands together with her elbows against her desk. "I'll allow the infiltration mission you've suggested. Please locate three shinobi to form the infiltration team."

"That won't be neccessary."

This line causes Tsunade to jerk her head upward to see the silver haired jounin walking away toward the door as he waves his right hand side to side. "Huh?"

"I'll be going alone." Kakashi replies, calmly, "If all goes well, I should back within a week... with Uchiha Sasuke." And, with that, The jounin leaves through the office's door.

)-Outskirts of Grass Country-(

Later, At Oreo's 'Secret' Base...

Orochimaru observes Sasuke's -training-, which consists of the young Uchiha proving that his skills already far surpass the snake sannin's.

Noticing someone's presence, Orochimaru says, "Sasuke-kun--"

"I know. I sensed him, too." Sasuke responds over his shoulder before casting his gaze forward, "... Hatake Kakashi."

Almost as if in sync with his name being mentioned, Kakashi is shown several feet behind where Orochimaru stands. The silver haired jounin sighs, rubbing the back of his head with his right hand, before saying, "I guess you noticed me, eh?"

Turning toward the Copy Ninja, Orochimaru just has to ask, "Have you come to take Sasuke-kun back?" It would seem the snake sannin's voice carries an amused tone as he says this. It'd also appear that he's aware of Kakashi's mission...

... or not.

"Weeeell, no." Kakashi responds, shocking the other two shinobi (and, probably, half the readers out there). "Actually," he continues, opening his eye toward the two and lowering his right arm, "I'm here because of some unfinished business with you, Orochimaru."

"Oh?" Responds Oreo, looking rather amused at this.

Kakashi reaches up with his left hand to pull his hitai-ate up to reveal his Sharingan-embued left eye. Then, The Konoha jounin holds his right arm down, with his hand open, and grips his wrist in his left hand. Quickly charging up Raikiri, Kakashi looks up toward Orochimaru again, "So, Should we finish where we left off during the Chuunin Exam?" He queries.

"Sure, Kakashi-kun. Why not?" Oreo replies with a smile and a shrug, holding his arms outward slightly. Meanwhile, now behind Oreo, Sasuke abruptly steps away from the snake sannin to be out of the vicinity of the Raikiri's target.

With that, Kakashi launches forward in a dash at Orochimaru with his right hand, now embued with the Raikiri, pulled back. When the silver haired jounin nears Orochimaru, he thrusts his hand toward the snake-like shinobi... only to have Oreo step to one side out of the attack's trajectory. Kakashi glances toward the snake sannin as his attack misses and Orochimaru smirks... just before stepping on a banana-peel and slipping on it, falling back to smack his head into a tree before stumbling forward, only to have an ACME anvil to fall from a branch to smash him atop the head... immediately killing him as he falls to the ground.

Seeing that his plan succeeded, Kakashi reaches up and pulls the left side of his hitai-ate down to cover his left eye. He then whips out his Icha Icha Tactics to continue reading where he'd left off. Turning to start back in the direction of Konoha, he says, "So, You think Orochimaru's a better bet to help you beat Itachi?"

Glancing at Oreo's dead body on the ground, Sasuke shrugs and stuffs his hands into his pockets, "Hn. I guess I'll come back." He replies.

"Good choice." Kakashi says. With that, The two begin the trek back to Konoha, as well as those awaiting the Uchiha's return.

A short distance away, a pair of four-eyes... er, Ole Specs... y'know, Kabuto... is watching as the two walk away. "I don't think you'll be getting away -that- easily." He says with a slight smirk as he adjusts his glasses.

Then, A finger taps the white haired medical ninja on the shoulder, gaining his attention and causing him to turn around...

"Hakke Kushou!"

Suddenly, The four-eyed ninja is sent flying into the same tree that Orochimaru stumbled into. Kabuto crumples to the ground, only to have a large rock fall from a branch to crash him in the head... instantly killing him.

Hyuuga Neji stuffs his hands into his pockets before starting off back toward Konoha, himself. The young Hyuuga prodigy is quickly joined by a smiling bun-haired girl who wraps her arms around his right one.

(-To Be Continued-)

Ramblings: Well, The Third Omake is done. Again it's pretty short, but do you think it's funny at all? Review and tell me. I bet you were expecting Kakashi to kill Oreo with the Raikiri, huh? Well, anyway, Tune in for the next one okay? Ja for now.


	4. Gone Fishin'

(-Author's Notes-) 

Okay, Time for the fourth Oreo Must Die! This one, btw, ties directly in with the fourth Omake in Hanako-chan's Itachi Must Die! series. So, In order to 'understand' this Omake, you'll need to read the fourth Itachi Must Die! Well, On with the death of Oreo!

(-GONE FISHIN'-)

At Orochimaru's 'hidden' base...

Orochimaru and Kabuto are sitting around, wondering what could be taking Sasuke so long to return. Finally, Orochimaru says, "To Hell with waiting! I'm going fishin'!"

"Orochimaru-sama?"

"Get the gear, Kabuto!"

"Hai, Orochimaru-sama!"

Roughly 30 minutes later, Orochimaru is standing near the doorway, wearing a fishing cap and life-jacket, and he's awaiting Kabuto to finish getting ready. Finally, Kabuto does indeed enter the room... wearing a yellow polkadot bikini with a tubie(inter-tube).

"My itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow polkadot bikini." The glasses-wearing medical ninja sings as he walks into the room.

"Kabuto! You idiot!" Orochimaru states, seeming appalled, "... I didn't say -swimming-, I said -fishing-!"

"Oh! Sumimasen, Orochimaru-sama." Ole Specs responds, apologetically, before whisking off to another room to change clothes.

After changing into a more appropriate outfit for fishing, Kabuto gingerly hangs his polkadot bikini up beside a hot-pink colored one(Orochimaru's). The ponytailed medical ninja heads back to where Oreo's waiting, rod-and-reel in-hand.

"That's better!" Orochimaru says, picking up his own rod-and-reel, "Grab the bait and let's go!" With that, the snake-sannin heads out the hideout's doorway, intent on having a relaxing fishing-trip.

Kabuto picks up a bucket of bait as he briskly follows behind Orochimaru.

(Warning: In order to find out what's happening with Sasuke and Itachi, you'll need to read Hanako-chan's Itachi Must Die! series; fourth Omake)

Later...

Having found a nice, quiet, fishing-spot at the base of a high cliff, Oreo and Ole Specs seat themselves comfortably on rock outcroppings, just above the river below. The two bait their hooks and cast their lines into the water, in hopes of catching something... oh and catch something, they will. Anyway, Back to the content Oto-nins: Orochimaru leans back against a rock behind him and crosses his legs, then reaches up and takes off his fishing-cap before placing it on his face.

As the time drags on, neither shinobi gets so much as a nibble at their bait. Suddenly, The two hear what almost sounds like Uchiha Itachi's voice screaming, "KIIISSSAAAMMMEEEEEE!"

This is followed by what sounds like Hoshigaki Kisame's voice screaming, "I'M COMING WITH YOU, ITACHI-CHAAAAAANNNNNN!"

Orochimaru and Kabuto look at each other before shrugging and returning their attention to the small bobbers in the water... which, by the way, haven't bobbed since they dropped their lines in the water. After a few more minutes, Oreo and Ole Specs hear what sounds like something falling through the air at a high velocity. The two casually look up and it's the last thing they ever saw: the sight of Itachi and Kisame falling rapidly through the air right toward the fishing duo... SPLAT!

And, That's why you should never go fishing at the base of a cliff! ... or something like that.

(-To Be Continued-)

Ramblings: Fourth Oreo Must Die! completed! I know these things are rather short, but I hope at least someone finds them a little humorous. Also, Yes, I know that recent chapters of the manga make it seem like Orochimaru is already dead. However, I'm going to continue typing these until it has been confirmed for a 100-percent fact. Well, Ja till the next Omake!


	5. Hunting Accident

(-Author's Notes-)

Okay, Yet another Oreo Must Die! Omake! This one's gonna be quite OOC'd and I want to thank the people who've reviewed thus far! Reviews inspire me to type more. Oh, btw, This Omake takes place just before, and leads in to, Omake 5 of Hanako-chan's Itachi Must Die! series(it also tells what happens after the end of that IMD Omake). So, Let's see the snake-sannin die again!

(-HUNTING ACCIDENT-)

In a forest, some distance from Oreo's "Super-Secret Absolutely Hidden-Base"™! Anyway...

("What the Hell am I doing here?") Uchiha Sasuke questions himself, naturally pondering what he's doing in this place, ("And how did I allow myself to be talked into coming on this stupid -hunting trip-?")

The Uchiha continues traversing the wooded area, along with Oreo and Ole Specs who are wearing orange vests and camouflage pants, the twosome seeming very much into this whole 'hunting' thing... though neither one knows what they're 'hunting' for. Nevertheless, They continue their trek through the woods, dragging along Sasuke(who, by the way, still can't deduce why he's even here in the first place).

Meanwhile, In Konohagakure... A mission has been ordered by Tsunade(who has discovered that Oreo, Ole Specs, and Sasuke are currently out in the open). Speaking of the Godaime, The mission she's ordered is one to find the three, deal with Orochimaru and Kabuto, and retrieve Uchiha Sasuke. For the mission, a team has been assigned: Team 7(minus Sai), of course. It's also been decided that Hyuuga Neji will accompany Team 7 on their mission... for some unknown reason (btw, it's because Neji is the one who kills Kisame in Hanako-chan's Itachi Must Die! series; Omake 5).

... Anyway, Back to our hunting trio(or hunting duo who are dragging Sasuke along).

Orochimaru and Kabuto have taken cover, and are awaiting an animal(regardless of what) to cross their path. Sasuke, however, refuses to be a part of this nonsense and is just standing in the open with his arms folded. Suddenly, however, Kabuto spies a large 6-point buck(male deer) past Sasuke and pops up from his hiding-spot.

"Sasuke-kun! Duck!" Kabuto calls out.

Sasuke isn't about to listen... until he spies the medical ninja as he whips out a double-barrel shotgun from seemingly nowhere and cocks it. Within an instant, The Uchiha prodigy ducks down outta sight just as Kabuto pulls the trigger.

BOOM!

However, Right as the gun fires, Orochimaru's head pops out of his hiding-spot(which just happens to be between Kabuto's position and that of the deer). "Duck? Where?" He queries as he glances about... but he never does see the duck, as his head is blown to bits by Kabuto's round of buck-shot.

"OH NO! OROCHIMARU-SAMA!!" Kabuto screams in disbelief.

... unfortunately for the Oto-nin, the loud scream alerts a nearby Rhinoceros which abruptly stampedes toward him.

Kabuto never knew what hit him, as he's trampled underneath the feet of the large angered animal.

Sasuke soon raises up from his crouch to find out the gory ends of the vile twosome. Suddenly, He hears Kakashi's voice behind him...

"So Sasuke, You ready to come back to Konoha yet?"

Sasuke turns to see his former teammates: Sakura, Kakashi, & Naruto. He also notices Hyuuga Neji accompanying them as well. The Uchiha then glances toward Oreo's headless corpse, then to Kabuto's dead broken self, then back to his former teammates(plus Neji), before stuffing his hands into his pockets, "Hn." He says as he walks toward the group.

With that, The group starts on their way back to Konohagakure... only to be interrupted, upon nearing the village, by none-other-than Uchiha Itachi who appears directly in their path.

(Note: In order to discover the fate of Itachi, and Kisame, please read Hanako-chan's Itachi Must Die! Omake 5... unless you have already read it, then go back and read it again)

After that was all outta the way, and the group is back inside Konoha... Sasuke stops walking, causing Sakura (who was walking behind him) to stop also. Sasuke had agreed to go on a date with the pink haired kunoichi near the end of Itachi Must Die! Omake 5: Kakashi's Secret Weapon... But, now, The Uchiha is thinking of something else(but what?).

Without warning, Sasuke suddenly spins toward Sakura and grabs the medical kunoichi's wrist.

Blushing, Sakura queries, "S- Sasuke-kun? What're you doing?"

"... something I should've done a long time ago." Sasuke replies, cryptically, before dipping the pink haired girl and planting a full kiss on her soft lips... shocking her into almost passing out, though she resists.

... Naruto, on the other hand, isn't so resilient as he faints dead away and thuds solidly, and soundly, against the ground.

Kakashi doesn't fare much better, as his visible right eye grows to the size of a baseball and he drops his precious Icha Icha Tactics which hits the ground in overdramatized slow-motion.

After casting a quick glance in Sasuke and Sakura's direction, Neji closes his pearl eyes and stuffs his hands in his pockets as he thinks to himself, ("Wow, So Uchiha actually did it.") With that thought, The Hyuuga continues into Konoha to find his bun-haired teammate Tenten.

(-To Be Continued-)

Ramblings: Well, Was it funny? Huh? Huh? Personally, I love the end of it. Anyway, Gotta go! Ja till the next Omake! 


	6. Orochimaru's Birthday Surprise

(-Author's Notes-) 

Okay, Time for the 6th death of Oreo! This one was inspired by, but not connected to, Hanako-chan's Itachi Must Die! Omakes where Itachi died on his birthday. That's right, it's Orochimaru's birthday and he gets a surprise he'll never forget. Well, Off we go to "off" Oreo again!

(-OREO'S BIRTHDAY SURPRISE-)

At the hidden location of Orochimaru's current top-secret hideout...

Yakushi Kabuto is prancing about the hideout, merrily, getting things ready for something. He's already cleaned the hideout, coerced some -prisoners- into decorating a rarely used room in the place, and has hidden some different sized packages in that room. And, now, the four-eyed fool is dancing around almost giddy with excitement about something.

From his dark corner, Uchiha Sasuke watches the retardedness of the ordeal and arcs an eyebrow, unable to prevent himself from wondering just what Kabuto is doing. If he didn't know better, he'd swear that the ponytailed medical ninja is preparing to celebrate someone's birthday... but who's?

("Oooh, I'm so excited!") Kabuto exclaims, mentally, as he continues his preparations, ("Orochimaru-sama's birthday is tommorrow!")

After finishing what he's been doing, the four-eyed Oto-nin glances around at the overly perky, not to mention bright, decorations that are adorned around the room: Pinks, Yellows, and other Pastels literally strewn about the walls and corners. But, He can't help thinking something is still missing... but, what is it? Decorations are strewn about, gifts piled in the corner, everything seems to be ready... that's it! There're no guests! You can't very well have a surprise party without guests to surprise the birthday boy. With that thought, Kabuto races off to make some phone-calls... to the only people who he can think of to invite: The Akatsuki.

On the way, Ole Specs notices Sasuke looking gloomy like always and stops to speak to him. "Come now, Sasuke-kun. That's no face to have, you should cheer up!" He says to the Uchiha.

"... why?" Queries Sasuke, coldly.

"'Why?'" Kabuto responds, his mood unaffected by the Uchiha's coldness, "Because tommorrow is Orochimaru-sama's birthday! That's why!"

Sasuke arcs an eyebrow... birthday? So, Oreo has a birthday? Huh, That's surprising. Nevertheless, The Uchiha gains the faintest ghost of a smirk as he already knows the perfect -gift- for the snake-sannin.

"Well, That's a start!" Kabuto says before remembering where he was off to, "That's right, I have to call the Akatsuki to invite them to the surprise party!"

"The... Akatsuki?"

"That's right, including Itachi-san!" Ole Specs responds, smiling chipperly, "But, No vengeance until after the party, okay?"

"... fine." Sasuke begrudgingly agrees, before he turns and walks off to practice that new jutsu.

A short time later, after the Akatsuki calls, Kabuto begins to wonder if that's really enough guests and then it hits him... ("Of course! Jiraiya-sama and Tsunade-sama!") He states to himself, ("I guess I'll invite -them-, too.") With that, He picks up the phone's receiver and begins dialing.

)-Konohagakure/Tsunade's Office-(

A few hours later...

Haruno Sakura, Hatake Kakashi, Uzumaki Naruto, Hyuuga Neji, Tenten, Maito Gai, Rock Lee, Jiraiya, and of course Shizune are gathered in Tsunade's office to find out the reason they've been called here.

Finally, Tsunade addresses the assembled group of shinobi. "I assume you're all wondering why I called you here, huh?" The Godaime asks, receiving several nods. "Well, You're all here because..." She continues, overdramatically drawing it out, "Everyone in this room, including myself, have been... invited to a surprise birthday party, tommorrow."

THUD!

Everyone single person standing in the room facefaults right into the floor. As they're all picking themselves up, Tsunade continues, "This isn't just anyone's birthday party, either..." "It's... Orochimaru's." Without paying any attention to the various dumbfounded looks, Tsunade adds, "And... we're to bring the cake."

)-Akatsuki Secret Cave-(

"So, Leader-sama?" The only other as-yet-unnamed Akatsuki member asks, "Will we attend the party?"

The pair of eyes in the shadowed silhouette that constitutes the unnamed person who is the Akatsuki Leader close momentarily before opening again, "... yes." Comes the surprising response from a pair of unseen lips, "We shall use this -party- as a means to rid ourselves of Oreo once-and-for-all."

"Hm..." Uchiha Itachi voices, looking to be in-thought.

"What is it, Itachi?" Questions Tobi.

However, It's Kisame rather than Itachi that replies, "Itachi-san is thinking about the fact that Uchiha Sasuke is there with Orochimaru."

)-Orochimaru's Base-(

The next day, Orochimaru is walking through his seemingly abandoned hideout, ("Where the Devil is Kabuto!?") He mentally questions himself.

Then, for absolutely no apparent reason whatsoever, Oreo opts to head to the one-and-only completely unused area of his current hideout. (The only reason is to get Orochimaru to the party-room).

"Everybody." Kabuto whispers to the rest of the room, "Remember to stay quiet until Orochimaru-sama gets here... and no killing until the party is over." There's a few nods and a couple disgruntled sounds, then the four-eyed Oto-nin hears distant footsteps and says, "Shhh! Orochimaru-sama's coming, so get ready!"

A few minutes later, the door to the darkened room opens to reveal Oreo himself. The lights immediately flash on and everyone(well, at least some people) shout, "SURPRISE!!"

Upon noticing all of the guests(who're wearing shiny cone party-hats), most all of which have good reason to want the snake-sannin dead, Orochimaru smiles and clasps his hands together, "Ahh, You all remembered my birthday! How sweet!" He says, batting his eye-lashes.

"Actually, Only Kabuto remembered. He called the rest of us." A voice says from somewhere amongst the party-guests.

"Details, details. Nevermind that, you're all here!" Orochimaru says, still delighted that so many people visited for his birthday and Kabuto had even arranged him a surprise party.

"Well, Let's start partying, shall we?" Kabuto says, happy as a bear-in-a-honey-tree as he straps on Oreo's party-hat.

Within an hour or so, the party is in full-swing. Kisame and Naruto are on the floor, demonstrating some new dance-moves they've invented as they move to the music, Kisame is showing off his new 'Shark-Step' and Naruto's unveiling his Ultimate-Dance-Move: the 'Froggy-Hop'. Meanwhile, Gai and Lee have presented Oreo with their -gift-, a green leotard like their own and are currently teaching the snake-sannin Nice Guy Poses(btw, Oreo is actually wearing the leotard during this scene). Akatsuki Leader-sama and the other as-yet-unnamed Akatsuki member are off in a dark, shadowed corner to keep their identitues a secret until they're revealed in the actual manga. Kakashi is near the Akatsuki-corner, having a veritably senseless conversation with Leader-sama.

Off at another part of the room, Sasuke and Itachi are glaring daggers at each other and planning out how they're going to kill each other. The view changes slightly to show Sakura, who's sitting behind Sasuke, also glaring daggers at Itachi. Meanwhile, Neji is shown sitting at a table across the room, glaring at Shark-Buddy on the dance-floor. Tenten approaches the young Hyuuga and notices his expression, so she asks, "What're you thinking about, Neji?"

"How to kill that blue guy."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"Oh, Okay. But, while you're thinking, do you wanna dance first?"

"Sure." Neji replies with a shrug before he and the bun-haired girl head onto to floor to begin dancing.

Over at one side of the room, Tobi is admiring some of Oreo's collection of very rare and valuable vases, "Wow, Pretty..." The idiot says, just as he pokes one of the various pieces of pottery, knocking it from its perch and casting it to the floor to shatter on impact.

"Oh no! That vase was 500 years old! What were you doing, playing around with it!" Kabuto shouts at the masked Akatsuki member.

"Tobi's sorry! Tobi didn't know!"

After a moment, Kabuto calms down, "That's okay. I can't stay mad today, it's Orochimaru-sama's birthday!"

Deidara walks up and kneels down next to the broken pieces of the vase and picks up one, "There wouldn't be any need for you to stay mad anyway, Kabuto-san, hmmm." He says, "I can't have this fixed in a few moments, hmmm."

Off at one of the many tables set up in the room, Shizune is smiling as she refills Tsunade's glass and Jiraiya is intently watching the two women in an attempt to find proof that there's more to their relationship. However, Each time Pervy-sennin thinks he'll succeed, Tonton messes him up by either: getting in his line of sight, stealing his camera, or something equally distracting. Meanwhile, Zetsu enters the dance-floor and begins to 'shake-a-leaf'.

Shortly, though, The time has come for Orochimaru to cut his birthday cake that Kakashi oh-so-thoughfully brought from a Konoha bakery. Atop the cake, there's roughly fifty-three candles and they're all alit. Everyone gathers around to watch Orochimaru make his wish and blow out the many candles. Oreo closes his eyes in-thought and thinks for several moments before his eyes re-open, signalling that he's decided on a wish. Taking a deep breath, The snake-sannin blows out the candles atop his cake... and most of the guests scatter as an exposive-tag ignites and the cake explodes, launching hundreds of kunai about the room, killing Zetsu and the as-yet-unnamed Akatsuki member(not Leader-sama).

Sasuke catches one of the launched kunai and uses it to slit the thumb of his opposite hand. After discarding the kunai, The Uchiha goes through a group of hand-seals before placing his palm against the floor, "Kuchiyose no Jutsu!" He states as a giant snake appears in an exposion of smoke, destroying much of Oreo's hideout as the collection of shinobi find themselves outside. As the smoke clears, it's revealed that the giant purple snake is none-other-than... Manda!

Manda immediately lunges toward Orochimaru and snaps him up in his jaws, then tosses him up into the air to catch him in his mouth and then swallows the 'snake'-sannin.

"NO! OROCHIMARU-SA--" Kabuto screams, but is cut-off as he's flicked into the air by the tip of Manda's tail. The giant purple snake catches and swallows him as well.

(In case you're wondering, This happened because Manda told Oreo and Ole Specs that he'd eat them if he were ever summoned again)

Contented with having done away with the bothersome duo, Manda leaves in another explosion of smoke. Deciding that the party has 'officially' ended, Sasuke opts to avenge the Uchiha-clan by killing Itachi... who's currently attempting to sneak away under the cover of the lingering smoke. Noticing the weasel attempting to escape, Sasuke uses a Jutsu that creates a chakra-sword extending from his left hand to impale his older brother. Sasuke holds the traitorous weasel with the chakra-sword and draws his Kusanagi sword from behind him, followed by dashing in and stabbing Itachi through the heart with it.

Noticing the fate of his beloved teammate, Kisame starts toward Sasuke only to be jerked around to come face-to-face with Neji.

"Hakke Rokujuyonshou!"

Within moments, Shark-Buddy falls to the ground dead. And, so, with the deaths of Oreo, Ole Specs, Weasel-Boy, and Shark-Buddy(as well as the rest of the Akatsuki), Sasuke finally agrees to return to Konoha with Sakura(who couldn't be happier), Kakashi(who simply resumes reading Icha Icha Tactics), Naruto(who somehow managed to fall outta the way to avoid all the kunai), and the others.

Gathering her courage, Sakura approaches Sasuke to ask him something, "Um, Sasuke-kun?" She says, trying to tread lightly, "Would you--"

"Alright, already." Sasuke replies, cutting off the pink haired kunoichi before she can finish, "I'll go out with you and then, the final loose-end will be tied up."

"Really?" Sakura responds happily, before gaining a slightly confused look. "Uh, What 'loose-end'?" She queries, tilting her head to one side.

Everyone stops walking in order to hear the answer. "... the loose-end I'm referring to would, of course, be 'What is the pairing in Naruto?'." Sasuke explains.

Walking by with Tenten latched onto one arm, Neji somewhat absently says, "Fourth Wall."

Meanwhile, Akatsuki Leader-sama is revealed to have survived the whole ordeal and is currently sitting atop the roof of Oreo's mostly destroyed hideout with a slice of cake on a small plate(how he got it before the cake exploded may never be known). Leader-sama proceeds to devour the slice of rather tasty birthday cake while managing to remain a shadowed silhouette... only to suddenly start hacking and coughing before falling over with his eyes 'X'd out. That's right, the cake not only contained many kunai that were launched via an explosive-tag, but it was also poisoned in case the tag failed to explode.

And, The moral of this Omake is: When you're planning a birthday party for someone you care about, never invite their mortal enemies! Especially not if they're going to bring the cake!

(-To Be Continued-)

Ramblings: This one was rather long, hope it was a little humorous! Drop me a review and tell me what you think. Oh, I'm also accepting suggestions, so if you have any funny ideas of ways to kill off Oreo and Ole Specs, send them to me in an e-mail or mention them in a review! Well, Ja till the next Omake!


End file.

Naruto, Humor