Bleach 1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

Captain of the 1th Division, Captain Kyoraku was accompanying me into the Seireitei. This, of course, doubled my excitement caused by being here again after all this time. I'd been staying away from this place for a very, very long time. I'd denied staying here that time even though I was a Shinigami myself. But I had reasonable and probable causes for doing this kind of thing. I mean, at least they were reasonable for me.

Whatever, this was past now. And, I realized dryly, the 13 Divisions had changed so much when I was not around. According to what Captain Kyoraku told me, there were only 4 captains left I knew. But I remember seeing 3 captains going with my own eyes before leaving here. So, it was normal for others to change, too. Being in 13 Divisions meant you could face death any time.

"You're a lot quieter than before Yuki, what is in your mind?" I was startled by Captain Kyoraku's voice and broke away from my thoughts.

"Oh, do you think so, Captain? But I think you're right, I must have changed. I was away for a long time and time changes everyone," I replied smiling.

"You're more thougthful, more cautious, you laugh less, your hair's longer. But you're still beautiful," said Captain Kyoraku while laughing. This made me laugh too, Captain Kyoraku was the most cheerful and womanizer captain of all 13 Divisions, I guess this haven't changed.

"Thanks, Captain. And you're handsome as always." He burst into laughing and I smiled with satisfaction. After this, Captain Kyoraku got serious and I fell silent again.

"I wish you hadn't gone, Yuki. Maybe if you had stayed, you could have gone back to your old cheerful self. We would have helped. And, you were missed a lot here, you know." His smile was genuine and my heart sank a little in my chest. I tried to smile too, in return.

"I had to go, Captain Kyoraku. There were far too many memories and pain here for me to face with. If I had stayed, I may have turned out worse."

"Oh, well, there's nothing we can do about the past now. You've come back as a Lieutenant again, just like you used to be." We stopped at the 1st Divison Headquarters' Main Hall doors. I took a deep breath.

"But everything is not like it used to be, is it?" I murmured under my breath and Lieutenant of Captain Kyoraku, Nanao , opened the doors for us.

At first, I couldn't see what was inside as my eyes had to get used to the lighting. But after a while, I was able to see the Captains lined in their familiar places and Captain Commander Yamamoto. As usual, Captain Commander Yamamoto was at the end of the room and in the middle, and 7 captains was lined on his right, 6 captains was lined on his left. Well, the right side had 6 captains before Captain Kyoraku took his place with his Lieutenant Nanao . All of them were staring at me.

I gulped.

* * *

"Welcome back, Co-Lieutenant Suzuki. It's a pleasure to see you again." His voice boomed in the room. If my eyes hadn't met with Captain Commander Yamamoto, I could have run away without looking back. His voice had always terrified me.

"Th- Thank you, Captain Commander Yamamoto. I'm very grateful to you for accepting me into Seireitei again in my old position."

"Not exactly your old position Lieutenant Suzuki. Your division has changed." To show my acceptance and to hide my face, I jumped to the opportunity and bowed my head. "Very well, now meet the new 13 Divisions members." I bowed again before walking obediently in front of Captain Ukitake's Division, the 13th Division. He had a wide smile on his face.

I studied Captain Ukitake from head to toe. His face was paler than I remembered but this was all the change I could see. His gaze was cheerful as usual. Even his white hair was the same length as I remembered.

"Captain Ukitake. You look healthy." I smiled at him.

"I'm glad you're back Yuki."

Rukia was standing right behind him. She hadn't changed too. She was still a head shorter than me but she had her hair shortened. But I could read the warmth in her eyes.

"It's been a long time, Yuki." She smiled lightly. I stopped myself from laughing and sticking my tongue at her. She was even more formal than before.

"Well, I'm here now." I smiled at her in the same manner, then walked to the 12th Division Captain.

"Captain Kurotsuchi," I bowed my head after briefly looking in his direction. He always had this scary vibe around him.

"Lieutenant Suzuki." Captain Kurotsuchi's voice made it clear that he was not happy to be here either. I'm sure he had 'experiments' to make. Then I walked in front of his Lieutenant, Nemu.

"Nemu," I smiled at her and she smiled warmly in return.

"Yuki."

Now it was 11th Division's turn.

I had to literally bend my head backwards to look at this man's face. In addition to his abnormally long structure, he was very big too. He had bells in his spiky black hair that chimed with his every move. He had a black eye patch in one eye, and a scar that started on his forehead and came down to his chin on his open eye. But this wasn't the thing that surprised me the most. It was the pink haired pretty little girl hanging on his one of his shoulders. While one looked offensive and ready to fight it out anywhere, anytime, the other looked like she belonged to some doll house but their comfort around each other was an evidence of their friendship.

"You look confused," said the man, smiling a little.

"No, I…"

"My name's Zaraki Kenpachi. I'm the Captain of the 11th Division. And this is my Lieutenant, Yachiru Kusajishi." I could hear an offensive tone even in his casual tone. I tried to smile.

"I'm Yuki Suzuki. Nice to meet you, Captain Zaraki, Lieutenant Kusajishi."

"Nooo, you can call me Yachiru! I liked you. You're pretty! Right, Ken-chan?" said Yachiru in a high-pitched voice. Wait, did she say Ken-chan? I looked at Captain Zaraki's face to see him angry but he didn't look uncomfortable in the least.

"Yeah, she is," he agreed in an indifferent voice and Yachiru started talking again.

"If you want to fight Ken-chan, we'll be very happy!" I tried to hide my bewilderment at these two and shook my head to show my consent, then passed to the 10th Division.

The moment I raised my head to see the Captain's face, I forgot how to breath for a moment. In front of me was standing a boy taller than me (well, this wasn't surprising actually since I could be considered as a short girl which I curse so much). He had white, spiky hair and big eyes as green as an emerald. He was one of the godly handsome boys who you would hit your head on a pole while watching him walking on the street.

"My name is Toshiro Hitsugaya. Your new captain," said the boy in a rude tone without even looking my way. It was like he didn't even bother to bend his head to look. This definitely broke the spell and I glared at his nonchalant face with rage. Why was he being so rude to me and looking down on me without even looking down- alright, this sounded weird but he was doing just that! He didn't even know- what?

Did he say 'your new captain'?

Oh, dammit. I knew I shouldn't have come back. 13 Divisions had already changed and my new captain was a grumpy but handsome boy who looked as young as me on contrary to other captains. And if his personality was as bad as this, my days here would turn into hell. And I really should stop mentally cut myself off in the middle of a sentence.

"I'm Yuki Suzuki. I hope we get along, Captain Hitsugaya," I replied in a steady voice before bowing and passed to 9th Division without giving him a second glance.

"Kensei Muguruma. Glad to meet you," said the tall man with white hair (again?). But he was taller than Captain Hitsugaya and his eyes were smaller. He had one piercing on his one brow and three on his ear. But, then again, he wasn't nearly as hostile towards me as my 'Captain'.

"Yuki Suzuki. The pleasure is mine, Captain Muguruma." Standing right beside him was a short girl with green hair.

"My name is Mashiro. But I didn't like you. You're beautiful." I didn't know what to do or say for a minute. She was very honest, apperantly. I had to get used to all these different personalities. And why in the world everyone was saying I'm beautiful? I could accept pretty, it would be a nice compliment but beautiful? I really didn't think I was beautiful.

I didn't know how to respond to this girl and just said my name.

"Yuki Suzuki." She shook her shoulders and I walked to meet the 8th Division's Captain.

And I found Hisagi standing in front of me.

My mouth fell open. Literally.

His black hair was still short and spiky, his face was the same, even his tattoo was the same.

"Don't forget to shut that mouth close, Suzuki," he laughed.

"You… You've become a Captain?!"

"Apparently, yes. Though I didn't expect you to be surprised this much," he said and winked. Well, let's look on the bright side, this would make the number of captains I knew 5. I couldn't help but stick my tongue out to his boastful face briefly before I passed to his Lieutenant. Well, the sight in front of me stunned me to the degree that my mouth nearly dropped open for the second time around.

"Heeey! I'm Rangiku Matsumoto! It's sooo nice to meet you! Hope we'll be very good friends!" said Lieutenant Matsumoto while laughing. She had long, silky orangey red hair, big, gray eyes and full and seductive lips I had always coveted when I saw. She was so beautiful… "Please take care of my old Captain."

"I'm Yuki Suzuki," I said smiling to her warm and friendly tone. So she was in the 10th Division in the past. I wondered if she could get along with Captain Hitsugaya.

Then I started greetings on the other line. The 7th Division's Captain looked at me indifferently.

"Captain Komamura." Seems like he took his mask off. I knew there was a fox/dog under the mask that used to hide his face so I wasn't so surprised.

"Suzuki," he replied formally. We were never close anyway. Captain Komamura was always formal with everyone.

"Iba Tetsuzaemon," said a large man standing beside Captain Komamura. He wasn't as nearly big as his captain but he was almost twice the size of me. He had a thin mustache, small sun glasses and a serious looking face.

"Yuki Suzuki. Nice to meet you." Then I passed to the 6th Division.

I studied the indifferent but familiar face with a small smile in my lips. His always observing eyes were now on me.

"Captain Kuchiki," I bowed my head with respect. He indistinctly smiled.

"Yuki." Then I walked to stand in front of Abarai and grinned widely upon meeting his eyes. He did the same. His red hair was tied to its usual place, he still had his tribal tattoos on his face and he had the same white bandana wrapped around his head.

"I wouldn't think you could come back, Yuki."

"Life isn't the same without beating you, Abarai." We grinned even wider to each other and I moved on.

"It's Shinji Hirako, the 5th Division's Captain," said a man who had short yellow hair.

"Yuki Suzuki," I said merely because I didn't think I could use my title yet. Captain Hirako was standing alone with no Lieutenant so I just bowed my head to him and passed to the next division. I didn't want to disrespect a probably dead Lieutenant's memories.

"I'm the 4th Division's Captain Genshiro Okikiba," said an old man with a soft looking glance at my way. He looked as old as Captain Commander Yamamoto. I bowed my head in return.

"It's Yuki Suzuki." Then I walked toward Isane, who was standing beside him. She had a sad face. I grasped the situation right away. Captain Unohana was dead and Captain Okikiba was her new captain. I felt sorry for her, she had always loved her old captain.

"Isane."

"Yuki." I smiled gently and she smiled sadly in return. I gave her one last look of sympathy and kept going. Now I was standing in front of the 3rd Division's captain.

"My name is Rojuro Otoribashi. Nice to meet you," he smiled gently and I smiled too.

"Yuki Suzuki. That pleasure is mine, Captain." Then I moved on to his Lieutenant. I didn't know him, either.

"I'm Kira Izuru," he said smiling formally. I bowed my head in return while keeping the smile on my face.

"And I'm Yuki Suzuki." I moved on after that.

Now there was a girl in front of me, as short as me. Her hair was in two braids and she had wrapped them in white bandage, probably to prevent them from scattering. There were rings fitted at the end of both braids. Well, she was the 2nd Division's Captain after all, the Stealth Ops. You wouldn't expect a messy hair from an assassin, right?

"Sui Feng, the Captain of the 2nd Division," she said with a serious tone. I replied her with the same seriousness.

"Yuki Suzuki, Captain."

"Omeada Marechiyo. Nice to meet you," said her Lieutenant with the same seriousness right after I bowed. I lifted my head and looked at him. He was the exact contrast to his petite captain with his big and tall body. I remained serious.

"Yuki Suzuki. That pleasure is mine, Marechiyo Lieutenant. Then it was the 1st Division's turn. I relaxed a bit and smiled at Captain Kyoraku.

"Captain Kyoraku, Lieutenant Nanao." I bowed and they smiled at me warmly.

"Welcome home Yuki," said Captain Kyoraku. I took a deep breath and turned to face Captain Commander Yamamoto.

"I wish you a succesful duty, Co-Lieutenant Suzuki. You may be excused. This meeting is over."

All the 13 Divisions left the room silently. I did the same and I found Captain Hitsugaya waiting for me outside.

"Captain."

"Suzuki. Do you know where you're staying?" he asked in a cold voice. I was beginning to think this coldness was a part of his personality after all.

"I kno-" I stopped myself from continuing. What was it that I knew, really? I only knew the inside of the 5th Division's Barracks. When I remembered that place and my life there I shuddered and dropped my head like I was observing the floor. "I don't know," I murmured, not trusting my voice.

It was because of this place. Soul Society. All the memories I denied while I was away was attacking me with all their might now.

"Are you alright?" asked Captain Hitsugaya in a kinder manner. But still, I could feel the cold seeping from his words.

"Yes, yes." I said feeling more controlled. Even though Captain Hitsugaya noticed, he didn't make any comments. Actually, he didn't even say a word. He just started walking and I followed him silently. After a while, we got to the barracks and he stopped in front of a barrack flat. He glanced at me, opened the door and entered the flat. I kept following him.

It wasn't a big flat. There were a kitchen right next to the door and a living room on the opposite side of the kitchen. They looked completely in order and clean. On the farther parts of the flat were two doors located opposite to each other, just like kitchen and living room. Captain Hitsugaya stopped in front of the one which was on the side of the living room.

"This is your room." Then he walked to the other door and grabbed the handle. "And this is mine."

My eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. What did he say? My room?!

"Wait, what?! Are we staying in the same flat?"

"Yes." Captain Hitsugaya looked bored and he was still holding the door's handle. I think he wanted to end this conversation as soon as possible and get into his room. Well, luckily for the both of us, I didn't care what he wanted to do.

"But, but, but… it wasn't like this…"

"When you were here? But it is now. After all the losses we had in that Aizen incident, Captain Commander Yamamoto decided it was the best for us Captains and Lieutenants to stay together." He stopped and looked cautiously at my face. "I think you'd better lie down, you look like you're about to faint," he said in an indifferent voice and entered his room without giving me a second glance.

I stayed there for a while, trying to calm down. My blood was frozen in my veins with hatred and fear. I hadn't heard of 'him' for a long time. His effect on me was still the same even after all this time.

I took several deep breaths and tried to get rid of 'his' memories. After feeling a little more better, I proceeded to my room with shaking legs. When I got inside, I closed the door slowly and gazed into the room.

The room was spacious and bright. There was a double bed right in the middle, a nightstand on both sides, a door I believed to be the door of the bathroom (thank god for seperate bathrooms, or in this case, Captain Commander Yamamoto) and a big window on the wall opposite to the door. I neared to the bed to lie down but noticed a piece of paper on it. I reached out to take the note and started reading:

_Why are you putting so much distance between us? If you want to kill me, you have to get near first. Or are you afraid because your will to kill me would be defeated by your love when you see me? If this is the case, it's okay. Nor the distance neither the time wore my feelings out for you. When it is you and me, distance means nothing. Watch… when I do this, don't you feel like I'm by your side again?_

_Yours forever,_

_Aizen_

I screamed. My head was spinning and I felt like throwing up. My body was as cold as ice and my energy to stand was leaving my legs. I kneeled down and tried to stop the world that was spinning around me.

"Suzuki! what's wrong?" Captain Hitsugaya entered the room hastily. All I could do was to look his way. I was sobbing at the degree that I could not speak even if I wanted to. Captain Hitsugaya first looked around the room with alarmed eyes and when he made sure we were alone, he kneeled next to me. "Are you alright? Are you hurt? What happened?" he asked promptly but there was no way I could answer. I was struck dumb, it was like I wasn't even in my body, I couldn't move or speak. There was only my sobs and chilling fear invading my mind. There was nowhere to hide even in my mind.

Then he saw the crumpled paper in my clutched hands and took it almost gently. After he read what was written inside, he lifted his head and looked at me with eyes that was widened with shock. "What the hell does this mean?"

* * *

"So he knows you're here," said Captain Commander Yamamoto. Captain Hitsugaya had carried me to his barracks earlier and showed him the note. After reading it for a couple times, Captain Commander Yamamoto had called for Captain Kyoraku, Captain Kuchiki and Captain Ukitake and now they were here, standing around me while I'm sitting. They've been holding my shoulders since they managed to stop my sobs.

"What is the meaning of this?" asked Captain Hitsugaya. Captain Ukitake and Captain Kyoraku exchanged glances. I hugged myself even tighter. After a few minutes, Captain Ukitake started telling my story to Captain Hitsugaya and Captain Kyoraku pulled my head into his arms, probably to prevent me from hearing but it didn't really matter whether I was hearing or not. My mind was the hell itself, adorned with memories everywhere.

"You know Aizen used to be the Captain of the 5th Division. Yuki was his Lieutenant. They worked together for a long time and at last, their alignment turned into love. They were suited for one another in every subject. They were both brave, good willed, hopeful of future. But then Yuki found his plans of destroying Soul Society. At first, she didn't want to believe and she went to confront Aizen instead of directly reporting to the Captian Commander Yamamoto because of this. Aizen didn't deny his plans like Yuki was hoping and he even tried to convince her to join him. Of course, Yuki couldn't, wouldn't do something like that, so she refused him and tried to talk him out of that idea. In order to do that, she threatened him with exposure. Aizen got angry. There was a fight between them and Aizen won both because Yuki couldn't bring herself to hurt him and he finally revealed his vicious and savage nature. Nobody knew him to be that powerful. He injured Yuki and locked her into one of the vacant houses near the exit of the Seireitei. He fooled all of us by saying she was sick, so she was resting at home. We didn't even suspect. Aizen held her back in that hut for a week and asked her if she wanted to join him everyday. Yuki refused him everytime. Aizen had two options left. He either had to kill her or convince her to join him. But he loved her far too much to kill her, well, if you could call that love, so he tortured her everyday to convince her to join him."

I quivered violently while remembering and Captain Kyoraku kneeled next to me, hugged me tighter while whispering in a light, relaxing voice: "Hush… It's over now. You're with us." I felt Captain Kuchiki's hand on my head. There was a silence in the room while Captain Ukitake waited for me to calm down. I glanced at Captain Commander Yamamoto. He was still studying the note.

"Then Yuki escaped there at the seventh day and came to us. She was in a very bad condition. After she explained everything, she passed out. We found Aizen's plans right in the place she told us. When Aizen understood he got found out, he notified his followers and Soul Society got engulfed in chaos that night."

"That night… is it 'that night'?" asked Captain Hitsugaya, shocked.

"Yes. Aizen understood what happened when he couldn't find Yuki in the house. He realized she was the one who betrayed him. But there was no time to find her, we were closing in on him, he had to flee. He hadn't even had the time to execute his plans. He woved that he would come and take Yuki one day and that day would be the end of us all."

"This is why Yuki was gone all this time," intervened Captain Kyoraku. "Although we would protect her, she couldn't stay. There were too much blood and pain for her here."

"Aizen knows Suzuki is here. This means he has a spy. Again," said Captain Kuchiki. His facial features was indifferent as usual but there were sparks of rage in his eyes.

"Aizen," murmured Captain Hitsugaya and balled his hands into fists with anger. "First Suzuki, and then Hinamori. That scumbag doesn't deserve to live." I could hear the momentary softness in his cold voice when he was mentioning the name 'Hinamori'. I faintly wondered who she was.

"I'm sorry, Yuki. I shouldn't have asked for you to come. You were away from all this mess but I…" Captain Kyoraku broke off. He was feeling guilty for what happened.

"It's okay, Captain. I'm the one who decided to come back after all. I could have stayed away, but I was tired of running. I thought he would forget about me after all this time. I was just being hopeful."

* * *

When we were going back to the 10th Division Barracks, we both were silent, lost in our own thoughts. Captain Hitsugaya hadn't met my eyes, even once. But he had insisted that I was far too weak and shaken up to use Shunpo, or even walk. Even though I hated to admit, I was. So he was carrying me. After all I the reality hit me, I was having a hard time even keeping my eyes open now.

Even after all the efforts I had made to keep myself from crying until I was alone in my room, I started to cry on the way. I knew I was crying to Captain Hitsugaya's Shihakusho and ruining it but it only made me want to cry even more. Captain Hitsugaya didn't say anything even when he realized I was crying. I thought he held me tighter to himself but I wasn't sure and it was not so possible after all. I wasn't aware of my surroundings enough to feel anything.

When we got home, I was so tired that I gave up trying to keep my eyes open. Yes, sleeping would be nice. You would forget everything when you slept. Sleeping was all I needed to get myself together and keep fighting. I placed my head on the cavity between Captain Hitsugaya's neck and shoulder without even noticing what I was doing and fell asleep wrapped in his warmth. I didn't even notice while he put me in my bed or when he left me.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

I woke up with a headache the next morning. At first, I thought what happened yesterday was just a nightmare and I had woken up in my old home in the Human World but then I looked around only to realize I was in Soul Society. Whimpering silently, I buried my head into my pillow and leaned to hug the other. But I froze the moment I put my hand on it. The pillow was warm. Then I raised my head from my pillow and touched the sheets this time. Warm, again. I looked around the room, getting confused but I was alone. I shook my shoulders, I must have changed places just before I woke up.

I glanced at the clock while pulling the covers again and it read 12.30 p.m.

I shot up from the bed, blinding myself for a while in the process because of the speed, and tried to ease my panic while running to the shower. My head was throbbing from all the movement and I cursed while the water was pouring down on me.

I did a damage check as soon as I felt like myself again. So, what happened yesterday was real. I came to Soul Society, I met the nearly new 13 Divisions, my new Captain was being rude to me, Aizen found me out the day I came back, there was a spy of his in Soul Society, again, according to Captain Kuchiki, I had a nervous breakdown, my Captain hated Aizen even more than others did because of what he did to a girl named Hinamori and probably what he learnt yesterday wasn't going to help improving our relationship . I was going to stay here, after all and I wanted us to be in a normal relationship but I was Aizen's girlfriend once. I didn't think he would be willing to even look at me after he learnt this. I shuddered under the hot water. It may be easier to think about that man now that I was here and confronted my memories of him yesterday but not entirely. So, I was not going to think about neither him, nor what happened yesterday.

After I got out of the shower, I got dressed and stood in front of the cheval glass. I combed my long, black hair and hoped the pouches under my storm gray and big eyes would disappear soon. Maybe I could put on some make up? No, I wasn't used to wearing any make up, I would probably forgot I had some on my face and smear it within hours. My eyelashes was already seemed like they had mascara on them, and my lips were pink naturally. This was why I never thought I needed any make up, and Aizen would always tell me he loved my natural face. Ugh. I touched my lips and wondered if I could love someone that passionately again. If your ex turned out to be psychopath, this could be counted as a valid worry.

I took a deep breath and walked to the door but stopped just before opening it. There was a delicious smell coming from the outside. I inched the door open and tried to see what Captain Hitsugaya was doing. I could only see Captain Hitsugaya's room's door. I didn't know what I expected, it was impossible for me to see the kitchen from here, after all. So, I decided to benefit from my stealth talents and proceeded silently to the kitchen where the delicious smell was coming from.

Of course, I got caught right away. Damn my non-existant stealth talents.

"You're finally awake, Suzuki." I froze in mid-step, totally looking like an idiot with one of my feet airborne. Should I say something? Maybe it was better to run away, pretend like I hadn't heard him? He wasn't facing my direction, he was busy with the pan he was holding in front of the stove. But if he realized I was there without even looking, then he would realize I was running too. Who wouldn't have realized a girl running like a cheetah was after her? And I didn't want to anger him more. So I did the only thing I could.

"Captain, I'm sor-"

"I forgive you, since this is your first day." He cut me off. "We both have the day off anyway." He was still facing the stove and not me. Actually, I was having thoughts on how charismatic he was looking when he was cooking but his propitious behaviour crumbled all of those thoughts to nothing.

But then again, I had no right to talk back since he was right. I was the one who was late.

"Sit," he commanded and divided the ham on the pan evenly to two plates. Then left the pan and set the plates on the table.

"Yes, Captain," I said obediently and sat. He sat right in front of me and started eating without looking at me.

We ate silently for a while and I thought that maybe Captain Hitsugaya wasn't so bad after all. He could have been interrogating me about yesterday or he could be roasting me instead of the hams. I could imagine him doing that and started stabbing my hams violently with the thought. I was getting angry over something that didn't even happen. I ate the ham I was torturing and tried to calm down, it was just a thought even though it was the most realistic thought I had in days. But! Instead of doing so, Captain Hitsugaya carried me yesterday, made breakfast for me today and he was now acting like nothing happened. I even fell asleep in his arms and-

Oh, nooo! Why hadn't I remembered this earlier?! I would have starved myself to death in my room rather than coming out here if I knew about this earlier! I decided to give one more try to my stealth talents and take a peek. Well, his face was as distant and cold looking as I first met him.

"It's been a long time since you left, right?" he asked all of a sudden while I was peeking. I almost choked on my ham. Goddammit, I really had no talent of stealth. Wait, was he interrogating me? So the breakfast was just a play to get me to talk? Does that mean, he would roast me in the end?

Then I realized he was waiting for a reply.

"Yes."

"Do you remember the 1st Division's insignia?" He raised his head and looked right into my eyes for the first time today, with a challenging look.

"I- what?" What? I certainly wasn't expecting this. "Sorry, I couldn't quite understand what you are asking."

Captain Hitsugaya sighed and repeated himself again, this time in a much louder voice and almost spelling the words as though I was mentally challenged. "Do. You. Remember. The. 1st. Division's. Insignia? Do you want me to write it down for you?"

Alright, I made a huge mistake. This boy was not thoughtful or whatsoever. He was definitely an egoist, selfish, arrogant-

"Chrysanthemums, " I said gritting my teeth.

"Signifies?"

"Truth and innocence."

"Division colour?"

"Deep purple." Captain Hitsugaya studied me for a while before getting back to his meal. I waited for him to say something but he just ate without even bothering to look at me.

"Was that all?" I asked at last.

"Did you want me to ask more?" he asked in a matter-of-factly tone while glancing indifferently at me.

"No, but-"

"Then it was all." He said in a tone that leaves no place for further arguing. I gripped my fork with more force, raged by being shut up. But I ate anyway, this wasn't the day I would argue with him. Today, I would put up with everything he would do as an apology for yesterday.

But Icouldn't shake the thought that I really shouldn't have come back.

…..

After the breakfast, Captain Hitsugaya challenged me.

"I want to see how you fight." I looked at him thoughtfully. Was he talking about a hand-to-hand fight or a zanpakuto fight? When I asked him, his mouth curled a bit on the edges. "First, we'll fight with our zanpakutos. Then if you have the strength, and I seriously doubt you will, we can do hand-to-hand combat. You're my Lieutenant after all, Suzuki. I want to see what you're capable of. Or what you aren't." After he added the last sentence, he grinned evilly and I was angry enough to forget about my decision of putting up with him.

"As you wish, Captain," I said clenching my teeth and he led me to the backyard. Captain Hitsugaya stopped and backed a little, leaving some space between us. He took his stance as I grabbed the handle of my zanpakuto and got ready to counterattack.

A second later, Captain Hitsugaya attacked. I took a step forward, strengthened my poise and defended myself with my zanpakuto. His attack was softer than I thought, I pushed him easily and this time, I attacked. He jumped and avoided my katana but I was quick enough to spin and attack again. He wasn't expecting this, I could read it from his defence and I enjoyed catching him pff the guard.

This worked me up and I kept my attack on full force after that. Minutes later, I knew Captain Hitsugaya got serious, he wasn't playing around with me anymore. I could feel the cold radiating from his zanpakuto. Mine, on the other hand, had already started shining brighter.

We were still equal after half an hour. I was trying to catch my breath and he was soaked in sweat. I realized Captain Hitsugaya was starting to lose himself in the fight. His attacks were forcing me to back down and he was using Shunpo at a speed so high that I started wondering if he was still testing me. But it wasn't like I was complaining, this way, I was able to fight with my rage.

Finally, he stopped and glared at me. Then spoke the words I expected the least: "Sit Upon The Frozen Heavens, Hyorinmaru!"

I just stared. A chain which had a crescent shaped blade attached to it extended from the hilt and he held it outrageously.

This couldn't be good.

"Flutter and Shine, Mangetsu no Hikari!" My zanpakuto shined blindingly and when its light waned a bit, a glowing lace was hanging down on its hilt, shining. This lace allowed me to take the energy of my opponent when it touched his bare skin and confuse them with the light. My zanpakuto was made of light, it could restrict my opponent's ability to see and if I could cover their eyes with the lace, I could make them see visual hallucinations.

"Mangetsu no Hikari? So, it means Moon Light?" sneered Captain Hitsugaya lifting one eyebrow. I imitated him with a more obvious sarcasm.

"And yours is Ice Ring?" He laughed but there was not even a bit of joy in his voice. All I could read was rage and aggressivness.

"Arrogant much?"

"Oh, please Captain, not as much as you." This was the last drop for him. He clenched the chain in his hands and literally flew towards me. I jumped to left in the hopes of avoiding him but he was quicker than I expected. I halved the blow's impact but he was already attacking me on my other side with his Hyorinmaru. I gripped his wrist and countered the zanpakuto at a dangerously close distance. We were face to face now, our zanpakutos between us. We were too close, I realized, Hyorinmaru was milimeters away from my cheek. I got ready to fall back but Captain Hitsugaya sensed the tensing of my muscles and predicted my movement. Before I could step back, he broke free from my hand which was holding his wrist and swung the chain at my feet. I jumped and landed where he least expected me to land, on his Hyorinmaru. He froze and supported the new weight on his zanpakuto as I aimed the tip of my Mangetsu to at his throat. He lifted his head and studied me.

"How?" he asked, a shocked tone in his voice. We both were standing very still.

"Are you giving up?" I ignored his question. He glared at me for a while, with rage and hatred in his eyes. He really, really hated me. The worst thing about this was, I could understand his reasons. My heart sank.

"Never." He felt that I was distracted for a second and pulled the Hyorinmaru from under my feet. I instantly lost my balance, it was too late to jump now. He wrapped his free arm around my waist, but not to save me from falling as I thought. He rammed my body against the ground with so much force that the air in my lungs plunged out. Captain Hitsugaya grabbed my hair and exposed my neck while I was trying to breathe. I whimpered with pain. Captain Hitsugaya was on me with his full weight, preventing me from moving an inch let alone breaking away. I searched the ground for my Mangetsu which I dropped while falling with my free hand but stopped when I felt the cold touch of Hyorinmaru on my exposed neck instead. I glared at him with even more hatred in my eyes.

"That's enough, Hitsugaya." We both froze with shock for a second as Captain Kuchiki's almost impassive voice infiltrated our frenzy. Then I looked at the source of the voice.

"Since when have you been watching us Byakuya?" asked Captain Hitsugaya without moving even the slightest bit.

"Enough to see that you lost control." Captain Hitsugaya clenched his teeth and tightened his grip on my hair without realizing, pulling out some hair on the process. I couldn't help but making a face. My expression must have captured Captain Hitsugaya's attention because he stopped to look at me, then his hand, then me again before loosening his hold. He then pulled away all of a sudden. While he was getting up, his palm briefly touched my cheek and I tensed but luckily, he didn't seem to notice. He went into the house hastily without looking back.

I stopped holding my coughs back. I rose on my cams, leaned sideways and coughed for a while until my throat felt better. When they stopped, I leaned back on the ground, exhausted. Captain Kuchiki was still standing at the same spot as I first saw him, not a difference on his facial expression. Still as emotionless as ever.

"You lost your control too, Suzuki," he accused me when he saw me looking at him.

"I know," I said, annoyed.

"Both of you was minutes away from Bankai. Were you literally planning to kill each other?" I just stared at him and made no comment. He was right, and I hated the fact that I got so worked up for a trivial fight.

….

It's been a long time since Captain Kuchiki talked to Captain Hitsugaya about something and left but I was still at the same spot, lying on the grass. I had realized I missed the sensation of the sun on my skin. I knew I had to go back inside sooner or later but not now. I would cherish this feeling now.

I didn't understand why would Captain Commander Yamamato appointed me to th 10th Division. I was sure he knew what happened between this Hinamori girl and Captain Hitsugaya. And of course, between Hinamori and Aizen. And, inevitably, between me and Aizen. I really didn't understand why he did something like this.

And what was it that happened between Hinamori and Aizen? Maybe Aizen killed her. Knowing him, he would have killed her in front of Captain Hitsugaya for his own enjoyment. Ugh. With this in mind, the only thing Captain Hitsugaya would feel when he saw me must have been hatred. I closed my eyes with my arm. Should I just hope that everything would be alright? Did it matter if I hoped, anyway?

I sighed and got up slowly. Maybe I should have apologized to Captain Hitsugaya. Yeah, I would apologize and hope to get better with him. But the house was empty when I entered. I wasn't sure if I was more worried or relaxed about his not being home. After a while, I just shrugged and tossed the thought aside. There was nothing I could do right now, was there?

Captain Kuchiki had said Captain Ukitake was sick again. I could go and see him right now. It was better than waiting for tomorrow morning.

So, I decided to go to the Clinic rather than waiting for Captain Hitsugaya. It would be nice to see Isane again, too. Right now, I preferred seeing a mournful Isane than seeing a Captain Hitsugaya with a frying pan, ready to roast me.

I couldn't dare to look around at first when walking the familiar road to the Clinic. But then I realized I remembered some of my joyful memories, too. I smiled faintly. Maybe I shouldn't really lose hope, after all. Maybe I was getting better now that I faced with that man's memories. Maybe everything would work itself out in the end. Maybe I could be as happy as I used to be.

I looked for Isane as soon as I entered the Clinic but she wasn't around. Actually, even the Captain of the 4th Division wasn't around. I shrugged and strolled around the Clinic, searching for Captain Ukitake's name on one of the doors. Minutes later, I found a name that piqued my curiosity: Momo Hinamori.

I slowly came to a stop as I read the name. Could this Hinamori be the Hinamori Captain Hitsugaya was talking about? I wondered about what to do next with a curiosity growing second by second inside my mind. The door was already left ajar. I looked at my right, then my left and saw no one. I silently approached the door and peeked inside. My eyes nearly popped out of their sockets because of the scene in front of me.

Firstly, this was definitely the Hinamori Captain Hitsugaya was talking about. She was short, had a pale skin, and short black hair. She was lying limply, so vulnerable, with a sad expression on her face, eyes closed. She wasn't moving, just breathing faintly. Oh God. She was in a coma.

But this wasn't what surprised me the most. It was Captain Hitsugaya's expression… it was so compassionate, loving and hurtful at the same time that even my heart ached. He had one of Hinamori's hands in his, murmuring to himself. No, I realized sorrowfuly, he was talking to Hinamori. The sight in front of me was so desperate that I wanted to be the one in front of him, wanted to embrace him and never let go.

What?

What, again?

Embrace and never let go?

Ooh, great, I now liked a boy who loved a girl in a coma? And after he treated me the way he did today? I really was mentally challenged. I backed away and leaned against a wall. It wasn't like I liked him, right? It was just because I was effected by the scene I saw. I couldn't possibly be liking a guy like him. Yeah, it was decided. I didn't like him, end of the sentence.

Then I remembered what Captain Hitsugaya said last night: "First Suzuki, then Hinamori." It was Aizen himself that put Hinamori in coma. In Captain Hitsugaya's eyes, I was too late to escape from Aizen and save her right in time. Of course he would hate me. It was the hatred this big that made him lose control while fighting me. Maybe I should have let him take all his anger out on me. Damn. I massaged my face with my hands and decided to do something about that. But now I should just go and find Captain Ukitake.

I moved away from Hinamori's room's door with stable and quick steps and found Captain Ukitake's room at the end of the corridor. I gently tapped on the door to hear Captain Ukitake's voice, letting me in.

"Captain Ukitake?" I opened the door.

"Ah, Yuki. Come inside." I went in and closed the door behind me, then sat on the chair beside his bed.

"Captain, how are you feeling?" He looked exhausted and weak sitting on the broad hospital bed.

"Don't worry, I just have to rest a bit. I'll be fine tomorrow." He smiled sincerely. I relaxed and smiled in return.

We conversed on everything except what happened yesterday and his sickness for a while. Captain Ukitake was an easy person to talk to. I really liked conversing with him.

"Captain Ukitake?" I asked at last in a murmur but of course he heard.

"Yes, Yuki? Is there something wrong?"

"No, no. I was just wondering…" I broke off. I had no idea how to ask. I wasn't even sure how he would react.

"What is it Yuki? You can ask me."

"Last night, I heard Captain Hitsugaya talking about a girl named Hinamori. I was wondering if…"

"If he did the same thing he did to you, to her?" I dropped my gaze to my hands I entwined on my lap. "Eh, I think you should know. I will tell you, Yuki." I nodded and he continued.

"Hinamori had idolized Aizen. She was in the 5th Division too, but not in a high position enough for you to know her personally. She was in love with Aizen then, just like you used to be. After Aizen fled the Soul Society, she had became the 5th Division's Lieutenant but she still wouldn't believe Aizen was the bad guy. Aizen knew that. He contacted her somehow and used her to spy on Soul Society. He would make plans according to the information he had from her. Hitsugaya was the first one to realize something was wrong with her as he was the most close person to her. But he noticed it too late, Aizen had already come back here. He infiltrated the Soul Society without anyone noticing and found Captain Commander Yamamoto. He said he wanted you and asked where you were. Of course, Hinamori wasn't expecting that kind of thing, Aizen completely manipulated her by fooling her. She started an argument with him but Aizen simply accepted he used her love for his own interests. She tried attacking him but Aizen stabbed her with his zanpakuto without a second thought, not leaving any room for us to interfere. He did that so quick that even Hinamori hadn't seen it coming. Hitsugaya had feelings for Hinamori, I'm sure you've noticed. He still hates Aizen for that. He comes here to speak to Hinamori and convince her to wake up every time he's free. But she never wakes up. Hitsugaya blames himself for that, I think."

"Oh God." I didn't know what else to say. It was heart-broking to think what he went through. I didn't have the right to hope for Captain Hitsugaya to not hate me.

After that, I said goodbye to Captain Ukitake and went back home. It was dark outside by the time I left the Clinic. I hadn't even realized it was so late.

The flat's light were on. Captain Hitsugaya must have came back before me. I opened the door and went inside hesitantly but stepped on something slippery. I gave a small shriek then fell on my butt. What the- I looked around to see what caused me to fall. There were chrysanthemums everywhere, on everything, which, of course, made no sense. I glared at a chrysanthemum right under my feet until I grasped what they meant. It was then I burst out laughing. It was one of Captain Kyoraku's pranks. I tried to stop myself when I saw Captain Hitsugaya was watching me from the kitchen all that time. He rolled his eyes.

"I'll make some dinner," was all he said. Then he opened the fridge and froze. I got up to see what made him look so horrified. He reached inside, taking a pot out. It had a purple thing inside… Oh. I couldn't stop myself from laughing this time. There was chrysanthemums inside the pot too.

"Do you think this is funny, Suzuki?" he scolded me but I could see the effort he was making to hold himself from laughing.

"Apparently," I said through my laughs. He almost lost himself and laughed with me but instead, he regained his composure and put the pot on the table to walked out of the kitchen to go into his room but couldn't. He stepped on another chrysanthemum right before exiting the kitchen and fell to the ground with a loud thud. This time he started laughing first and I joined him after shaking off my shock at seeing him laugh. He looked so handsome and happy. I felt something warm spreading inside my chest. But I was not going to think about what it meant now.

…..

Later that night, we had gotten rid of all the flowers, cleaned the house and ordered some take-away food. We were sitting in the kitchen, silently eating our meals. After we laughed together when Captain Hitsugaya fell, I felt like the tension between us was finally diminishing. This was why I decided to tell what was on my mind.

"Captain Hitsugaya?" He didn't look at me and kept eating. This was a bit discouraging but I didn't give up. "Captain Hitsugaya?"

"Lieutenant Suzuki? Are we learning our names or something?" I rolled my eyes.

"No, Captain. I was just going to ask something of you." This captured his attention and he looked at me with narrowed eyes.

"Ask something of me?"

"Yes." I nodded. "I wanted you to teach me how to fight."

"No. You already know how. We saw you were more than qualified to fight someone at a Captain's level." He turned back to his meal again but I could see his tension building up.

"Not with our zanpakutos, Captain. A hand-to-hand c-"

"No." He cut me off.

"Captain Hitsugaya, please." He balled his hands into fists and looked directly into my eyes. I could feel his gaze piercing my soul but I was determined not to give up.

"No, Suzuki. A no means no."

"But I need to get better at hand-to-hand combat! I'll need to fight someone without my zanpakuto at some point. He could kill me if that happens. And easily, no less." This was starting to work. He looked more uncertain with my every word. "If I die at a hand-to-hand combat, won't you feel somewhat responsible?" I was hitting below the belt but I had to. It was necessary. If we were this tense around each other every time, we would put one another in danger in a real battle. Okay, there were special reasons for making a request like this such as my wanting to get used to his movements and physical contacts so that I wouldn't feel this warmth in my chest towards him next time.

Captain Hitsugaya studied me for a while and then sighed deeply.

"I can't, Suzuki. Ask someone else."

"But you are my Captain! who could I possibly ask this of someone else? I don't even know the majority of 13 Division's right now."

"Suzuki…" This time, I cut him off. I plastered a fake smile on my lips.

"I know, Captain Hitsugaya. You could lose control while fighting with a powerful opponent and you don't want to hurt any one who is on your side but it's alright with me. I'm not expecting my real opponent to be gentle with me anyway. Moreover, if you keep avoiding me, how could we be a team? Look, Captain, I'm ready for all the consequences. I'm aware of everything and making this request knowing. Just, please." Captain Hitsugaya looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time. Our gazes met and we just looked at each other for a while. He was trying to see how determined I was and I was trying to show how determined I am with my eyes. "And, we could turn this into some sort of bet." I added. "The one who lose that day makes the dinner that evening." Captain Hitsugaya laughed.

"Oh, so you can cook, Suzuki?" I laughed too, genuinely this time. He was starting to accept.

"Want to try, Captain?"

"Alright. We start tomorrow at 8 a.m. And, be outside at 8 a.m., don't wake up at 8 a.m." Then he left the kitchen without saying anything else.

I knew we both needed it. Just as I thought before, maybe I would get better if I got used to his presence. And, I was really hoping that my newly developed (or still developing) feelings for him would fade away if he treated me harsh enough. Actually, I wanted him to take all of his anger and hatred on me, too. I was feeling partially guilty even if I wasn't there at the time Hinamori got wounded. Maybe he could feel more normal around me then. It must have been hard for him to even stay in the same house as me. I didn't want him to feel like that. I wanted to feel like I belonged to Soul Society too, again, after all the time that I spent running away from here and I couldn't accomplish this knowing my Captain hated me in every breath he took.

I washed the plates before taking a cold shower and going to bed afterwards. I realized I didn't want to be alone after I got under the covers in the dark room but it wasn't like I had a choice. Aizen couldn't appear magically in the room anyway… right?

Alright, I was letting my imagination run wild again but the thought scared me more than it should have. I pulled my knees to my stomach and hugged them tightly. Maybe I didn't have the time to think about how did that note Aizen left got into my room but it was a different story at night.

I was startled by a knocking sound on my window and looked around the room, terrified. It took me a while to realize it was a Hell Butterfly that was knocking on my window instead of an Aizen with demonic horns on his forehead and a tail sticking out from his butt. Well, it was a scary thought in its own way too.

The moment I got up and let the Hell Butterfly in, I heard the formal voice of Captain Commander Yamamoto: "It's Captain Commander Genryusai Shigekuni Yamamoto speaking. This evening, after a meeting with the Captains of 1st, Shunsui Kyoraku, 6th, Byakuya Kuchiki and the 13th, Jushiro Ukitake, it was decided that Aizen has another spy on Seireitei." The door to my room opened at that moment and I saw a confused looking Captain Hitsugaya. He was holding a Hell Butterfly too and when Captain Commander Yamamoto started speaking again, the two voices from the two Butterflies synchronized. "With this reason, it was decided that Toshiro Hitsugaya is to stay with Yuki Suzuki at all times and Yuki Suzuki, to obey this decision. That's all."

I stared at Captain Hitsugaya in horror as the Butterflies flew away and he still had that same confused expression on his face.

I guess this was the best thing to wipe all the friendly vibe out that was built between us earlier. Thanks, Captain Commander Yamamoto, for always choosing the right time to step in.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for reading my story :) I was very excited since it was my first time writing. I wanted things to pace up a bit even though this is only the 3rd Chapter so, I hope you have fun reading :D**

* * *

CHAPTER 3

"Well, we can start this tomorrow," I said avoiding his gaze. Captain Hitsugaya said nothing, he didn't even move. He was silently watching me. I looked up at him again after a while. "Hey, it's not like I'm afraid. Wouldn't it be childish if I couldn't sleep at night by myself?" I laughed nervously. Captain Hitsugaya kept studying me for another minute but left without uttering a single word in the end. Again. Dammit. The moment he closed the door and left me in the empty room, I sat down on the ground.

God, it was high time I got over my fears. I was acting like a spoiled child. After minutes of sitting on the floor and convincing myself that I was not afraid anymore, I got up and went to bed but didn't sleep. I couldn't slow the beating of my heart and there was no way I could sleep when it was drumming in my chest with adrenaline. Maybe it would help if I drank some water.

I waited for an hour lying on the bed for Captain Hitsugaya to sleep. I didn't want to bump into him in the middle of the night, which would only make him more angry in this situation. After I decided enough time had passed, I got up and opened the door silently. The flat was engulfed in darkness, I couldn't see anything but the blurry shadows of kitchen at the end of the corridor. Just as I stepped out, my foot got stuck on something and I closed my mouth with my hands to choke the scream I let out instinctly but because I couldn't use my hands, I lost my balance. Shutting my eyes tightly, I readied myself for the fall but the impact came from another direction and flipped me backwards. I heard a voice cursing silently and felt two arms around me. Then I fell on something softer than the floor.

At first, I couldn't make out what was happening. All I knew was somebody took the impact of the fall for me and holding me firmly in his arms. I knew it was a 'he' because I could feel the muscles flexing under my body which were too hard to belong to a woman. I tried to see his face but the darkness was making it impossible. I panicked. I could think of only one man who held me like this before and I desperately tried to break free by punching, kicking and trashing. It was not normal for me to panic this much and knowing this made it harder to calm down.

I got flipped again, but this time it was for pinning me to the ground. I was completely immobilized with the body weighing me down. I started pushing him but he caught my wrists and pinned them on the floor above my head. My legs were already immobilized by his. Our bodies were so close that I could feel every part of his body. I let out a frustrated cry.

"Suzuki! Suzuki, it's me, Toshiro! Calm down!" he hissed with anger. After my brain processed his words, I could finally breathe again.

"Captain Hitsugaya! What in the World are you doing here? Are you aware of how you scared-" I broke off and tried to free my hands again but he pressed on me tighter when he felt my struggle. I was raged, breathing unevenly but somehow relaxed because it was him.

"Suzuki, calm down! I'm not going to hurt you!"

"Then get off of me!" It was me who hissed this time.

"You have to calm down first! How will I know you won't attack me if I let you go now? We would wake all the Seireitei!" I could hear the anger in his voice. I tried to still myself and even my breathing. My eyes were getting used to the darkness and I could finally see him. This helped me more than his angry voice.

He was looking at me with angry eyes, his face was just inches away from mine. He held my gaze. I could feel his warm breath on my cheek. We were so close that I was having a hard time knowing where my body ended and where his started. My heart was pounding in my chest and I was sure he was aware of that, because I could feel his own accelerated heartbeat. I suddenly wondered what would happen if he kissed me right then and there. I couldn't help glancing at his lips.

I gulped. The thought was too tempting. I could touch his lips with mine if I raised my head a bit. Oh no! Don't think about things like that! I mentally kicked myself and returned my gaze to his eyes but he was staring at my lips too.

I noticed how warm and muscular his body was which surprisingly couldn't be realized in broad day light. This was getting out of my control. I looked at his lips again. They looked so inviting, so silky…

He leaned forward a little. His eyes were still on my lips.

I forgot how to breathe.

He gulped.

I seperated my lips slowly.

His breathing became more erratic. He was hesitating.

I couldn't help but lean forward a bit too.

His hesitation ended. He dropped his head and his lips met mine gently. It was a little kiss, innocent and tender. His lips were as silky as I thought.

I froze. We just kissed. I literally mean 'kiss'. Sensing my pause, Captain Hitsugaya cursed under his breath and moved away quickly. I sat up, trying to cast my daziness away.

What have I done?

Ah, I was a complete idiot.

Then, Captain Hitsugaya switched the lights on. I couldn't look into his eyes so I kept my gaze on the ground but there was no way I could hide my blushed face. Hey, wait a minute... what my foot got stuck earlier was a blanket. What was a blanket doing here? Was that possible that…

"Captain? Were you sleeping here by any chance?" I asked warily and looked at him, pushing him to answer but my eyes wandered immediately to his outfit. He was wearing a black top and loose fitting shorts. I had already passed the point of blushing, my face must have been flashing red lights now. I hastily looked at his face again kept my gaze there this time. He glanced at the blanket and then looked into my eyes. He blushed faintly too. Clearing his throat, he answered.

"Yes."

"Are you crazy?" He studied me for a second to see if I really meant that question or not. Oh, I so meant it.

"Sorry, what?"

"What is the difference between sleeping in your own room and sleeping here? I'm sure you would have heard from your room if I had screamed, right? Are you crazy, or just a pervert?"

"P-p-pervert?! Of-of course I'm not! I was just trying to protect you! I thought if Aizen could leave a note in your room with me in my own room right next to yours while I was oblivious to his presence, he would be more than able to enter your room again when you were sleeping. I thought the more close I was to you, the more safe you could be. Excuse me for wanting to help!" I stood, trying to control my tumultuous feelings. He was right, I was just being grumpy because of what happened. I lost my cool and I had always hated losing control.

"So why didn't you tell me about it? Shouldn't I have known you were sleeping right outside my door or something? I was so scared when I felt you..." I broke off. How could I continue? I blushed again.

"Would you let me? You said 'it would be childish if you couldn't sleep alone'. I didn't want you to feel weird." He shifted his weight, troubled.

"Of course I wouldn't want to feel we-" He didn't want me to feel weird?! It was the first thing he said to me kind enough to make my heart hop in my chest. "I… I'll…" Quick, think of something! "I'll drink some water."

I almost ran to the kitchen, pouring cold water to a glass. I should calm down and process the situation I was in rationally. Ever since I came back to Soul Society, my life has been a mess. I couldn't believe the strong attraction I felt towards Captain Hitsugaya. And we just kissed! My heart hopped in my chest again as I felt the faint sensation of his lips on mine again.

After taking several deep breaths, I switched the lights of the kitchen off and walked to the corridor to my room. I stopped upon seeing Captain Hitsugaya sitting in front of my door, blanket covering his legs and a book in his hands.

"So… you'll read a book?" I stammered. "Here?" He glanced at me indifferently.

"I won't be able to sleep for a while, thanks to you." He shrugged and directed his attention to the book.

"Oh, really?" I said, annoyed, and snatched the book away from his hands, picking the blanket with my other free hand.

"Hey!" he protested but I ignored him. I opened my door and waited for him to enter. He just looked at me passively, so I entered the room first, leaving the door open and putting his book on the desk. When I looked at him again, he was hesitating, one of his feet on the doorstep. He studied the room for a second and then looked at me uncertainly. While raising his eyebrows, he pointed to himself and then to the room. I rolled my eyes.

"Will you just enter already?" I said with annoyance and stuffed the blanket in my closet. Captain Hitsugaya turned the lights of the corridor off before coming in and closing the door after him. It was dark again. I bought some time to let my eyes get used to the darkness while taking out several pillows from the open closet. Captain Hitsugaya was still standing next to the door nervously, ready to flee. I didn't blame him.

After I lined the pillows in the middle of the bed, making a vertical border, I faced him, blushing furiously because of what I was about to say. I could still feel his lips on mine.

"Just sleep here tonight. The bed is more than big enough, you know. I already made a border with pillows as you can see. You can't sleep on the floor, you'll get sick. We'll consider our other options tomorrow. This is a temporary arrangment just for tonight, alright?" I said nervously. Captain Hitsugaya kept standing there.

"You sure?" he asked at long last. I had started regretting the offer I made in the dead silence that passed.

"Yeah," I said, trying to smooth my voice like it wasn't a big deal. Well, it was. My hands were shaking with anticipation. Then I just walked to the side of the bed which was looking to the window and lied down, pulling the covers to my chin. After a minute, I felt the sheets shift as Captain Hitsugaya lied on the bed. I was on the verge of falling to the ground, I was lying too close to the edge of the bed at first but after the first 10 minutes or so, I started relaxing. Captain Hisugaya's quite but strong breathing was giving me a sense of security somehow. It was almost hypnotic. Soon, I was fast asleep.

* * *

It was 7.30 a.m. when I woke up. I tossed the covers aside and went into the shower half sleeping. I was never a morning person. I quickly took a shower and tore myself from sleepiness that was hanging over me when I remembered I had a training session with Captain Hitsugaya at 8 a.m. If I was late, I would never hear the end of it. Thinking about Captain Hitsugaya, there was something nudging me on the back of my mind…

I froze under the water and tried to remember wildly whether I was alone in the room when I woke up. We slept in my bed last night… How had I forgotten something like that?! I remembered how peaceful I slept. It was the first time in a long time that I slept this peacefully.

I got out of the shower, wrapped a towel around my body and inched the door open to see if Captain Hitsugaya was in the room. He wasn't. I sighed, feeling gracious and went into the room to get my dress.

"Hey, Suzuki! Are you still sleep-" Captain Hitsugaya opened the door and looked inside, cutting himself off upon seeing me. I let out a shriek and hugged the towel around my body tightly before throwing him a pillow. The pillow landed right on his red face and he came to his senses. He tore his gaze away, blushing more and shut the door closed after mumbling a hasty apologize.

"You… You pervert!" I yelled, frustrated.

"What did you say?!" He yelled too, opening the door again, fuming with anger. "Ah, Goddammit, sorry!" he cried closing the door again after seeing me reaching out another pillow. "I'm really sorry!" I heard his voice from behind the closed door. I could kill him. I put my hands on my red cheeks.

Feeling a sense of security, my ass.

* * *

I went outside with rage after I got dressed. As soon as I got out of the house, I saw him, standing in the middle of the backyard with his red face. But his face couldn't compete with mine. It was all his fault. First, the kiss, and now…

"You pervert! Haven't you ever heard of knocking?!" I was becoming more raged thinking about what he may have seen. I kicked him without a second thought but he blocked the blow with his hands, grabbing my ankle.

"Suzuki, I'm so sorry, I-" I didn't wait for him to finish his sentence. I did a hand stand and spinned, freeing my ankle. As soon as I was standing on my feet again, I tried a punch. He caught my hand in his and wrapped his fingers around my fist.

"You'd better be, you jerk!" I threw another punch with my free hand and he caught it too.

"Of course I am! I didn't know-" I kicked. Right between his legs. Unfortunately, he let go of my hands and jumped back, avoiding the blow just in time. What a shame. "Hey! This is the second time! You tried this last night too. Be careful, will you!" I attacked again but he avoided my kick, bending down.

"Yeah, I should be careful. I failed two times in a row!" I hissed while he was backing away.

"You little-" I cut him off by punching him repeatedly but it seemed like the only thing my punches could do. He was stopping my every blow with his arms or hands. I kept growing frustrated and started kicking too. I was attacking so fast that Captain Hitsugaya couldn't even back away now, he was concentrated on canceling my blows. "Woah. You're fast."

"You. Jerk. Good-for-nothing. Arrogant. Selfish. Stupid-" I could glady continue but Captain Hitsugaya finally found a break to attack.

"Oh, so you think about me that way? Arrogant, selfish, stupid and all? I didn't notice that last night, I wonder why!" Now I was backing away. I was trying to assess his style and speed. After I got accustomed, I started countering. We both could stand our grounds now.

This lasted a few minutes. I got bored at last and kicked him with all my might after letting out a war cry. It landed on his stomach but he didn't even flinch. Instead, he saw this as an opportunity to finally grab my ankle again. I threw a punch on his face to distract him but he bent down, pushed the back of my knee, breaking my balance. I couldn't free my ankle this time, which resulted in my inevitable fall. He punched his palm on my stomach, knocking me to the ground with a force that blacked my view for a second.

I drew a deep breath and trashed with frustration. He was on me again, pinning me to the ground. I was becoming sick of this. "Yeah, I think about you just like that!" I kept trying to get out from his grip. I wanted him to know I wouldn't give up.

"Will you calm down?" asked Captain Hitsugaya, not the least impressed with my efforts.

"What if I don't? Will you kiss me again?" I taunted him. His eyes widened a little but he didn't lose his cool. Dammit, it would have worked on me.

"Maybe." At that moment, I knew I lost. I trashed again but I was tired. There was no way I could break free from his crushing strength. I looked into his eyes, challenging him to let go of me. "You're quick and your blows are powerful. You got used to my style surprisingly quick and countered easily after that. You even landed a blow on me, congratulations. But if you move with rage as a motivation alone, you have no chance of winning. You should be calm and collected. You should focus on your enemy instead of your anger and then, plan a strategy," explained Captain Hitsugaya in a matter-of-factly voice.

"Sorry but you were the reason why I was angry! Are you usually so heedless or are you like this solely around me?!" He didn't comment but he seemed to be lost in his thoughts. I could see on his face that he was thinking of a bad memory. I was still angry but I felt the need to get him out of his thoughts. "Alright, you were right. I knew moving with rage won't get me to win." Captain Hitsugaya's eyes focused on me again. "But…" I tried to find the right words while avoiding his gaze. "After what happened that time I… lose myself to my rage in hand-to-hand combat without even realizing. I keep remembering…" I broke off. When I looked into Captain Hitsugaya's eyes again, I saw he had the same weird expression when we got Captain Commander Yamamoto's message. Dammit. I shouldn't have reminded him of Aizen and me. "So, can you get off of me now?" I asked to distract him again. It was the first thing that came to my mind. Actually, I was afraid that it would turn out just as yesterday night but my body seemed like it was enjoying the situation. I wanted to hit my head to the ground.

Captain Hitsugaya stood up but didn't let go of my hand. He helped me sit up but I couldn't stand. I started coughing violently as soon as I was straightened. I guess the blow I took had more effect than I first thought.

Captain Hitsugaya kneeled down beside me, cursing silently. He wrapped one arm around my waist, holding his hand on my stomach to support me and put his other hand on my forehead. I grabbed his t-shirt with one hand, the other on the ground. I kept coughing, tears streaming down my face because of the pain I felt on my throat. Captain Hitsugaya held me tighter, pressing my shaking body to his.

At last, I stopped coughing and took a deep breath. I eased my hold on his t-shirt and wiped my face with my other hand. There was a metallic taste in my mouth and I realized it was blood. I must have lacerated my throat while coughing. I wiped my lips and just as I was fearing, there were blood on my hand. Captain Hitsugaya saw my hand and froze for a second. I knew what was going to happen next and swore silently.

As Captain Hitsugaya removed his hands from my body as if I was burning him, I squeezed his t-shirt in my firm grip and prevented him from going. I turned my body towards him and yelled him, trying to put some sense into his thick head.

"No. You can't distance yourself like that. I'm not a freakin' porcelain! If you distance yourself everytime with the every small injury –which I can assure you, this wasn't even an injury, it was just my throat- I get, I can never get better. Do you think my real enemy in a real fight will try not to hit me too hard? He will freakin' try to kill me!" He knew I was right, I could see it in his eyes. But he turned his head away, clenching his teeth. I shook him. "Look at me! I'm just fine. I want to continue. And Captain, don't you dare go soft on me or I will not forgive you even if I'm on the brink of death."

I knew my last words would work. As much as I knew it would ruin all the efforts I made for us to be friends, I had to tell those words or he would never fight me again. He could get rid of the hatred that had been eating him from the inside if he fought, just as I could. It would be better if we broke the wall that was building up between us using our hatred than letting it estrange us day by day . If we could fight without losing control, we would be an effective team. At least, I was hoping we would be.

I knew I was right when Captain Hitsugaya looked at me again. He was wearing the mask I saw when I first came here, now. I was shocked at how I didn't even notice it was cracking slowly second by second. But now that I saw it anew, I knew it was gone once. I felt my heart sink but I didn't give anything away. I let go of his shirt and he got up, stepping away and putting some distance between us. Then he took his stance as I knew he would. I got up and we continued.

At first, he was only on the defence, waiting for me to attack rashly but I had already planned a strategy in my head which pushed him to be serious and counter my attacks eventually. My lungs were threatening me with coughs when I pushed myself too hard but I would always avoid having another fit. I knew if I coughed even once, Captain Hitsugaya would never fight me again.

We continued like that till afternoon. We never uttered any words while fighting. Captain Hitsugaya never let his expression change which prevented me from guessing what he was thinking. Mostly, I was the one taking the blows, I could rarely hit Captain Hitsugaya. I could feel he was restraining himself but didn't complain. He would always study my face after he landed a blow to see if I got hurt but he wasn't the only one who can control his facial features. I knew he was looking for an opportunity to back out from fighting and I was not going to give him one.

I realized he was avoiding physical contacts as much as possible. Sometimes, he would pin me to the ground again but he was careful about wrapping his arms around me and press my body to his everytime I lost my balance to soften the impact. My heart would leap in my chest everytime he did that but he would let go of me immediately as soon as I was securely on the ground. He would back away, take his stance again like nothing happened. Even though it took me a while to ignore the sparks his embrace had sent my body, I would regain my composure to fight him.

It was strange, feeling this effected because of an embrace coming from someone you met recently. I had always kept people at an arm's length after I left Soul Society, never letting anyone in my walls but I could feel Captain Hitsugaya breaking them without even making effort. I'm sure it was partially because of the conditions but I couldn't deny that I was attracted to him anymore. I wouldn't think I could feel like this again but here I was, anticipating his touch again everytime he drew away.

The worst part was that I could not direct these feelings as I wanted. I thought that if I fought Captain Hitsugaya, I would get used to his presence. I mean, which girl would like a boy beating her? I could see clearly that it was just a wishful thinking now. He wasn't exactly helping when he was studying my face everytime I took a blow, or when he let me hit him too if he lost himself and struck too hard, or when he noticed I was getting tired and stopped to get me a glass of water, or when he tried to soften my falls with his embrace.

And when we finished the practice that afternoon, I knew I was in a deep trouble.


	4. Chapter 4

**I had a really hard time writing about the fight scene so I'm not sure how it turned out.**

* * *

CHAPTER 4

Days passed by. Captain Hitsugaya and I were trying to talk as rarely as possible. We would eat without making any eye contact and then start the figthing practice. The one who was making the breakfast was Captain Hitsugaya. He would always wake up before me, go to his room to take a shower without waking me up and then start making the breakfast. We were still staying in the same room, in the same bed. After the incident in which he accidentally saw me in a bath towel, he didn't come to the room to wake me again. I woke up by myself every morning after that.

While practicing, we were silent. His masked expression never changed but he would still help while falling and all. I hoped I could get used to his embrace in time but it never ceased to make me lightheaded. Everytime we touched, my breathing would become ragged and my heart would start beating wildly. I couldn't help but feel disappointment when he broke away. But I made a promise to myself, too. I would never let my face give my feelings away.

After the practice, we would eat together again. Then Captain Hitsugaya would visit Hinamori in the Clinic. I knew that, because I had to follow him everywhere. Even though it broke my heart everytime, I would just smile and act like I didn't know who he was visiting. At the Clinic, I would converse with Isane, she would tell me what happened while I was away. Unfortunately, I had learnt thatI was right, Captain Unohana was dead. It made me sad to hear this too, because she was one of the wisest people I had ever met. She had that look which made you think she truly knew the suffering of living.

After an hour or so, Captain Hitsugaya would come back with a sad face and we would leave the Clinic. I would want to hug him everytime to erase that face he was making but instead, I would follow him to home silently. When we were home after those visits, he would lock himself in his room which was working just fine for me because when I didn't see him, I didn't need to control that hard to act like nothing was wrong.

I had visitors, too. First ones to come were Captain Kyoraku and Lieutenant Nanao. They had offered to take me for a walk. I had accepted without hesitating, thinking as long as I was with them, Captain Hitsugaya wouldn't have to follow me. It would be good for us to stay away even for half an hour but I was wrong. Captain Hitsugaya had followed me anyway without hesitating. While walking, he would answer when Captain Kyoraku talked to him but except that, he was silent as usual. We had walked in the opposite direction of where Aizen kept me as a prisoner that day. Captain Kyoraku had been at my left, Captain Hitsugaya had been at my right and Nanao had been behind us with her thick book in her arms. It had felt good to converse with Captain Kyoraku and see Nanao again.

The next day, Renji had come and we visited Captain Kuchiki. Captain Hitsugaya had followed us silently again. Actually, he hadn't talked at all that day. He just listened to what I and Renji was talking about.

The day after that, Hisagi and Lieutenant Matsumoto had come. They had offered going somewhere but I had to refuse them even though I wanted to go. I knew Captain Hitsugaya had to be dragged along wherever I went after that two times. So, instead, I had invited them to home and we talked for hours that day. I liked Matsumoto, she was cheerful and comfortable to be around. She had kept teasing Captain Hitsugaya and he had looked as if he was annoyed but I could sense he wasn't really minding it. Matsumoto knew that too. She was his Lieutenant for a long time, after all.

One day, Rukia had come too and asked if I wanted to see Captain Ukitake. I had wanted, really. But I hesitated. Maybe Captain Hitsugaya was tired and he wanted stay at home. So, after Rukia's question, I had looked at him, trying to make out what he was thinking. Our eyes had met for the first time in days. I was actually surprised that he was even looking at me. This was why, I presumed, I forgot about controlling my face. He must have seen that I wanted to go and had went out before me to stand with Rukia with that impassive face of his. This meant we could go. I couldn't stop the big smile that found its way to my lips. I had been really happy.

When we got to the 13th Division Barracks, I realized Captain Hitsugaya was getting along better with Captain Ukitake than other captains so I felt like I could finally relax.

We would report at evenings without exception to Captain Commander Yamamoto. After that, I would make dinner. This was the only time we would come close the most to conversing.

"What do you want to eat?" I would ask. Because I would lose every morning, I had to keep my promise.

Captain Hitsugaya would answer directly sometimes. There were times he would think before replying too. But mostly, he would say "Whatever you want," and leave the choice to me. This answer was the worst but I didn't complain even for once. I would start cooking and he would just sit there, watch me cook. Then we would eat.

It was hard sleeping in the same room as him. Sometimes, he couldn't realize he had lost control in practice and I would get all scratched up. I had to bandage some of my bruises as they would bleed and I had to do that discreetly. I couldn't let Captain Hitsugaya see them when I was finally getting better in fighting. I could hide them easily during he day because of the Shihakusho we were wearing but it was harder at night. I had to wear long sleeved t-shirts and shorts had already been out of the question. I had to pull the cover up to my chin before sleeping but sometimes I would wake up with one arm out of the covers, my sleeve up. I would pray that Captain Hitsugaya hadn't seen it everytime this happened. If he had seen, he didn't comment anyway.

We would say 'Goodnight' before sleeping and that was all but sometimes I would ask him some questions.

"Captain, you don't have to come if you don't want when I'm with Captain Kyoraku or the others," I had said one night to let him know I was okay if he chose to stay. "I mean, you can stay at home. They never leave me alone anyway."

"I know," he had replied simply. Nonetheless, he didn't leave me alone even after that.

Two weeks had passed since I came here. I could feel Captain Hitsugaya's hatred getting more and more lighter after every fight we fought but the cliff that was seperating us was never getting smaller.

* * *

Then one morning, in the middle of the practice, I realized a black butterfly flying around us.

"Captain Hitsugaya." I pointed to the Hell Butterfly. He stopped and extended his index finger to the butterfly. We heard Captain Commander Yamamoto's voice as soon as the butterfly settled on his finger.

"11th Division Captain Toshiro Hitsugaya and Lieutenant Yuki Suzuki. I summon you to my Office at once."

After that, butterfly flew away and I curiously looked at Captain Hitsugaya. He shrugged.

"Get ready," he said simply and started walking towards the house. I sighed. I still didn't want him to avoid me. But it was for the better. I knew it was. So I should just stop thinking these kinds of things.

When I walked into my room, I went directly for the shower. After I got out, I got dressed and took Mangetsu with me. Captain Hitsugaya was waiting me at the outside.

In his Office, Captain Commander Yamamoto was alone. Both Captain and I bowed and waited for him to talk. He studied us for a while.

"I hope you got used to Soul Society, Lieutenant Suzuki, because I'm sending you to hunt down a Hollow." I was surprised but nodded my head in agreement. Captain Hitsugaya, on the other hand, reacted more fiercely.

"What? Already? But it's only been two weeks!"He almost shouted. I looked at him, surprised. Captain Commander Yamamoto was displeased with his response.

"Did you forget who you are talking to, Captain Hitsugaya?"

"Sorry, Captain Commander," he apologized, more composed, bowing his head again.

"The Gate is ready. You are expected to leave in five minutes." We bowed again, accepting the mission and got out of the Office. While we were walking to the Gate, Captain Hitsugaya were more nervous than ever, I realized but didn't comment on it. He must have been thinking I would get myself killed. Damn him. I wasn't a weak girl. I was a Shinigami like him. He didn't need to worry that much.

2nd Division Captain Sui Feng and her Lieutenant Marechiyo Omaeda was waiting for us at the Gate. We greeted them and went into the Gate. I finally understood why Captain Commander chose us for this mission upon seeing them. He was testing us. I felt determination building up inside me. I was not going to fail.

I heard something like a shriek right after we stepped out of the Gate and a loud noise followed the shriek. The Hollow was on his four legs, it had a greenish colour and it had a mane spurting out behind his gigantic mask. It looked as gross as ever.

Both Captain and I drew our zanpakutos. The Hollow saw us a second later and came at us, still shrieking. Before I could even move, Captain Hitsugaya launched forward.

"Sit Upon the Frozen Heavens, Hyorinmaru!" Hollow tried to hit Captain Hitsugaya with one of its legs but he froze the leg after slashing it with his katana. Angry with being immobilized, the Hollow opened his mouth and shrieked again but some weird looking green things gushed out too this time. I ran toward Captain Hitsugaya.

"Flutter and Shine, Mangetsu no Hikari!" I helped him cut those things the Hollow were throwing at us.

"Stay back, Suzuki!" yelled Captain Hitsugaya seconds later. What? I looked at him briefly, shocked at what he said.

"What are you saying? I was sent here for this!"

"So was I! And I want you to stay back as your Captain!"

"You can't be serious! I'm not a rookie, you know! I used to this too."

"Maybe, but not now. You haven't done this in a long time, you just got here! Now, stay back! This is an order, you hear me?!" I didn't say anything, I just stepped back and started cutting the remains of those things that scattered around. I was angry with him for not giving me a chance but this was a fight, so I just shut up.

After a minute, the Hollow changed its attack. He started throwing up more violently and the things he threw up started throwing up, too. Just as I thought the things couldn't get any nastier. Captain Hitsugaya was trying to make his way to the Hollow and I was protecting him from behind by cutting those weird, frog-looking things. They were sticky too. Gross.

All of a sudden, the Hollow stopped throwing up and shrieked again. The moment he stopped shrieking, all of the frogs that could get themselves stick on me exploded.

I cried out in pain and fell on my knees, holding my left arm. Three of the frogs that exploded were on my legs and one was on my left arm. Captain Hitsugaya ran to me instead of using the opportunity to get closer to the Hollow.

"Are you alright, Suzuki?"

"Captain! Are you insane? Go and finish off that Hollow! I'm fine!" I yelled at him in panic but it was already too late. The Hollow _laughed_, literally laughed and started throwing up again. Some were able to fall on Captain Hitsugaya and pinned him to the ground, hard. He gasped. He was completely immobilized. I looked at him in panic.

I had to get us out of this. Quickly.


	5. Chapter 5

**New chapter! :D hope you like it :)**

* * *

CHAPTER 5

I had a plan. I just prayed it would work.

The Hollow threw up that sticky things on me too, but it wasn't as much as before. I looked weak, which was just an act, and it didn't care about me that much now. It was focused on Captain Hitsugaya. I raised my katana tiredly, only cutting the ones that was coming towards my upper body. I let the remaining ones stick to my legs. The Hollow closed its mouth to look at us. Everything was going according to my plan until that moment. But then, sticky things threw up frogs too.

Oh no. I needed to act quickly. The moment the Hollow opened its mouth again to shriek and blow the frogs up, I took a deep breath and then shouted.

"Stop, please!" The Hollow hesitated for a second and that hesitation meant it was my win. Every hollow out there liked torturing. I just had to play along. It laughed again and closed its mouth.

"You want me to stop? It's too late for you, you little Shinigami!"

"Please stop! I don't want to die like this," I begged in the most desperate voice I could think of. Even Captain Hitsugaya stopped trying to break free after hearing my voice. Well, apparently, I could be convincing when I wanted to. The Hollow laughed in enjoyment.

"Then, die like this instead!" It lifted one of its legs and came towards us. It was planning to kill us by crushing. And that was all it took. I couldn't help but laugh out loud when I raised my Mangetsu and held it firmly with my both hands.

"Yuki!" yelled Captain Hitsugaya in panic but I didn't even blink an eye. I knew my zanpakuto seemed to be far too small to cut the whole leg from his point of view but then again, it was _my _zanpakuto. He didn't know.

The moment the Hollow's leg met my Mangetsu, my zanpakuto shone so brightly that it blinded us for a second. When the light grew faint, the Hollow's leg were lying on the floor, scorched. I immediately cut the frogs that were on me and Captain Hitsugaya and freed him.

The Hollow shrieked with anger and started throwing up again but I stood and held Mangetsu in front of us again. It took too much energy but I managed to create a shield of light to protect us. Leaving Captain Hitsugaya behind me, I started advancing while deflecting all the frogs that was coming towards me. When I was close enough, the Hollow was panicked and it was throwing up more violently. I jumped and swung my katana, cutting its mask. It disappeared with a final shriek.

This would teach a lesson to Captain Hitsugaya.

Just as my feet touched the ground again, I heard explosions. I turned towards the exploding frogs and saw Captain Hitsugaya among them. I ran to him, scared. I kneeled before him and held his shoulders.

"Captain! Captain are you alright?" I slid my hands to his neck to see his face and then to his cheeks without thinking. His forehead was bleeding. "Oh, God…" I wiped the blood with my hand.

"Yuki. I underestimated you, you were right but I was worried about you. I didn't want you to get hurt. Sshhh. I'm alright." He apologized, smiling. I looked at his eyes with tears blurring my sight. I was scared, too. So scared…

"Captain…" I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face to his chest. I could feel him pausing in surprise at first but then he dropped his Hyorinmaru and held me to him, tightly.

"It's alright now. I'm fine." I drew back a bit, just to see his face. He was still smiling but his forehead was smeared in blood again. I sheathed my katana and helped him stand with his one arm around my shoulders. I tried to support him as much as possible while we were walking towards the Gate.

* * *

When we stepped out of the Gate, all 13 Divisions was waiting for us. Now I was sure it had been a test. They were all watching.

Isane came running and took Captain Hitsugaya from me, carrying him to the Clinic with her assistants. I started going after them but Captain Kyoraku was suddenly hugging me and smiling at me. I hugged him back softly in return and smiled at Nanao who looked like she was trying to apologize.

"You're back in game!" he said in an excited tone. Well, it was a way to put it. It would be a lie if I said I didn't miss this adrenaline coursing through my veins.

After Captain Kyoraku released me, I saw 2nd Division Captain Sui Feng and her Lieutenant Marechiyo bowing as an indication of acknowledgement of my powers.

"Your technique was pretty effective, Lieutenant Suzuki. We will be honoured to have you on our side."

"Thank you, Captain Sui Feng," I said with respect.

Then I realized Captain Kuchiki was already walking away. He looked at me as if he sensed me looking and nodded his head slightly. I could clearly see the proud expression on his face. I nodded too, smiling softly. Then Renji filled my vision and hugged me tightly enough to lift me from the ground.

"Renji!" I yelled, laughing.

"I missed you!" he said smirking and let go of me after a minute. Then Hisagi came with his hand raised.

"Congratulations!" I high-fived him and smirked. Matsumoto followed him, hugging me gently. After she pulled back, a shadow fell on me. I turned to see what it was.

"You are strong. We should fight," said Captain Zaraki and left without waiting for my reply. Well, I wasn't sure I could reply anyway.

"Ken-chan liked you so much! Please come fight him, alright? We'll be very happy!" yelled Lieutenant Yachiru from his back, startling me. I nodded in agreement after a second just to make her happy. I was not crazy enough to fight her captain. Lastly, Captain Ukitake was standing beside me.

"I'm proud of you, Yuki," he said and I hugged him gratefully. He hugged me back gently.

"Thanks, Captain Ukitake."

"As sharp as ever," said Rukia behind his back. I pulled back and shook the hand Rukia was holding out to me.

"Thanks, Rukia." Then I looked around to see if there were more people to come. There weren't, which made me happy. I wanted to go the Clinic as soon as possible and started running without wasting any more time.

I was at the Clinic minutes later, panting. I realized how much energy Mangetsu took for the first time after the fight. I would have to sleep soon, but now, I had to see Captain Hitsugaya. My eyes met Isane's as soon as I stepped into the Clinic. She noded her head to the direction of Captain Hitsugaya's room. I didn't stop to talk to her. I entered the corridor which she pointed and saw his room right opposite of Hinamori's. I entered the room and froze.

One of his legs and arms and his chest were covered in bandages and now they were bandaging his head.

"Yuki?" he said upon seeing me standing. The girl who was bandaging his head finished her job and got out of the room. I heard her closing the door behind me.

"You said it again," I said, trying to tore my eyes from his bandages.

"What did I say?" he asked, confused.

"You called me Yuki. You had never called me Yuki before," I stated in a matter of factly voice. I slapped myself conscious mentally. What was I saying in a situation like this?

"Did you prefer Suzuki?" he asked with a crooked smirk on his face. God, he was handsome, I realized again. And that smirk of his was for me, which made my heart run wild.

"I… no. Yuki is better," I stuttered before sitting on the chair that was beside his bed. "Captain…"

"I'm fine, I told you. Stop worrying."

"But…"

"Aren't you supposed to be angry with me rather than worry? Because I underestimated you? You know, I was sure you would get yourself killed. Especially when you started acting like a desperate girl who 'didn't want to die like this!'. By the way, your acting skills are really good. Even I was fooled for a second there." He winked and I rolled my eyes, relaxing more and more with every word he spoke. I raised my left arm to hit him softly but he grabbed my wrist before I could drop it. I let out a small scream in pain. "Yuki, you're hurt," he said, suddenly serious. I tried to free my arm but he wouldn't let go. It already hurt enough without me forcing it, so I gave up. He looked at my arm.

"Yeah," I said, disgruntled. "I know."

"And you didn't tell Isane." It wasn't a question, so I didn't answer.

"Do you have another wounds?"

"Captain-" I started but he cut me off.

"Yuki. Do you have another wounds?" he repeated in a more grievous manner. I dropped my gaze.

"No, Captain. I'm alright." All of a sudden, Captain Hitsugaya leaned and grabbed my leg. I screamed again, partly because of the pain, party because of the shock. "A-Are you a pervert for real?!" I yelled at him to hide the fact that my leg really hurt. "And, how did you even lean? I thought you were too hurt to do that!" I added and looked at him accusingly. Nope. He didn't buy it.

"I knew it," he said and called out for Isane. I explained I got hurt too. She led me to another room. I waited silently while she bandaged my legs and left arm.

"Thank you," I said after she was finished.

"It's alright. Your wounds weren't that bad," she smiled.

"I know, right! He just won't listen to me no matter what." I paused. "Umm… what about Captain Hitsugaya's..?"

"His wounds aren't serious, too. Only, the injury on his head will give him a hard time for a while, so we'll keep him here for several days. I don't want him to stand or walk much. He should rest." She paused after seeing my face. "But just as I said, they aren't serious! Don't worry, he'll be just fine if he rests." I forced a smile on my face and thanked her again before going to Captain Hitsugaya's room again.

"Were they serious?" he asked as soon as he saw me. I rolled my eyes again.

"Yeah, I'm dying here, you know." He smirked again.

"The, let's go," he said, sitting up. I immediately ran to him and stopped him from getting up by pushing him back to the bed.

"Captain, stop!"

"What now?"

"Seems like you have to stay here for several day-"

"No." He said with finality.

"Captain Hitsugaya, you should listen and stay-"

"No way. I'm getting out of here today." He stopped trying to get up and I stopped pushing him to the bed in return. He started looking at me with one brow lifted. "Are you trying to feel my muscles?" At first, I got confused as to what he was talking about but then realized that my palms were still resting on his chest. Goddammit, I completely forgot about them! I pulled my hands like they were burning while blushing furiously.

"Captain Hitsugaya!" He then did something I least expected him to do. He laughed for real. My chest grew warm with his cheerful voice. It felt like the ice standing between us melted. It wasn't cold now. I didn't know what caused it to melt but I was grateful it did.

"What! You're smirking, too!" he said, defending himself. He was right, I was really smirking but not because of the reason he was thinking. I was smirking because he was happy.

"Actually, I imagined you drowning on you own arrogance Captain, so I couldn't stop myself from smirking," I lied, an evil grin on my face.

"But I'm serious. I'm not going to stay here."

"But why? They will take good care of you here. You can heal more quickly that way. Moreover, you could visit her-" I shut my mouth. I shouldn't have said that. I turned about and walked towards the door. "I should go now, Captain Hitsugaya, so that you could rest."

Damn. I had forgotten all about Hinamori. I should have been more careful, I had almost let myself fall for him.

"Yuki, if you go out of that door, I swear to you I will follow you even if I have to sneak out of here by myself. I will follow you all alone and you'll be the one at fault if I get worse." I could hear the seriousness in his voice and I knew he would do that if he wanted. I stopped because of this but I couldn't look at him. My eyes were glued to the name written on the door right in front of me: Momo Hinamori. I tried to get rid of the melancholy that was creeping into my head. "Now, look at me." Did he know what I was staring at? Was that why he wanted me to look at him? I didn't know.

I didn't look at him.

"I'll talk to Isane," I said before getting out.

* * *

After I finally convinced Isane to discharge Captain Hitsugaya, I returned to his room. Getting some fresh air helped me feel more calm. Now there were just amazement. I was amazed at how deep the effect on me was when I thought Hinamori and Captain Hitsugaya together.

"Captain?" I said opening the door. "We can go now." Right at that moment, I felt like someone was watching me and I turned to the corridor to see who it was. Oddly, there was nobody. I shrugged and entered the room to help Captain Hitsugaya stand. He was taller than me, which made it easier.

"What's wrong?" he asked as we were exiting the room. He noticed my hesitation.

"Nothing. It's just that I had a feeling somebody was watching me. But there's nobody here." I smiled at him. I didn't want him to worry now but the truth was, my insides were frozen with unease.

Captain Hitsugaya who obviously wasn't fooled by my nonchalant smile tensed beside me and checked the both sides of the corridor. If I didn't remember wrong, he had said my acting skills were fine. Hmph. I waited for him to shrug and keep walking too but he just stood and stared at the other side of the corridor with narrowed eyes and furrowed brows.

"Captain?"

"Ah. It's okay, Yuki. I just imagined I felt something," he said in a soft voice and we got out of the Clinic. While we were walking home, I started a conversation with Captain Hitsugaya to break the heavy atmosphere, which I wouldn't even think about doing yesterday. But it felt different now somehow and it happened naturally. Everything seemed brighter and more beautiful.

"Captain Zaraki liked my style, unlike you," I said, teasing him. He let out a laugh.

"Really? And what are you planning to do about this?"

"Yachiru wanted me to fight him. Captain Zaraki wanted me to fight him. Maybe I should try, huh?" He knew I wasn't serious. Nobody would be serious talking about fighting Captain Zaraki.

"Eh, I wouldn't advise you to. Because I would have to kill him after you die, which would be pretty difficult for me." We laughed together but his words made my heart flutter. There was a silence after that.

"I wouldn't get killed that easily," I said finally.

"I know. I now know you are strong so I decided not to interfere. Next time, we both will fight and come back in one piece. I promise," he said in a voice that reminded me of velvet. I almost fell, tripping on my own foot because of the surprise. I had wondered how would it be like if Captain Hitsugaya talked to me like that. Now I knew. And it felt so right that my heart lost a beat. Captain Hitsugaya pressed me to his body, holding me. Well, it was awkward because I was supposed to support him. "Are you alright, Yuki?"

"Ye-yeah. It's great, then," I said, trying to breathe normally. Captain Hitsugaya whistled.

"Are you surrendering this easily to my charm, Yuki?"

"Shut up. It was just a rock that made me trip. It was only normal to trip because the rock was as big as your ego. You can't blame me." I laughed and he pouted.

He was really cute, pouting like that.


	6. Chapter 6

**I caught a cold. Just how unlucky can I get? Because of my mood, this chapter turned out to be more serious than I thought but I hope you enjoy :)**

* * *

CHAPTER 6

I was planning to make Captain Hitsugaya sleep when we got home but we couldn't go any farther than the living room.

"Hellooo, you guys!" We both stopped in our tracks immediately and Captain Hitsugaya drew his Hyorinmaru the same time I drew Mangetsu. We were ready to fight a second later.

It was then we met the two eyes that were staring at us from the top of the couch in amazement.

"Renji?" I asked, surprised.

"Well, yeah. It's just me. Now, can you please drop your zanpakutos? It scares me when you two draw them together since I know just how strong you both can be." He pretended like he was shivering in terror. We kept staring at him, wondering how the hell he got in the house.

"Oh, yeah, sorry," I said sheathing my katana. "What are you doing here?" Renji jumped off the couch.

"Captain Kuchiki and Captain Commander Yamamoto decided I should stay with you until Captain Hitsugaya is fully healed. You know, just in case." He smiled.

"I'm fine," said Captain Hitsugaya, tightening his arm around my shoulders. I looked at him. Renji didn't say anything. He just stared at his hand grasping my shoulder firmly.

"Come on, Captain. You should rest," I said, nodding my head to Renji. He followed us to my room. Captain Hitsugaya paused when I opened the door.

"What are you doing?" I stopped too, not understanding what he asked exactly.

"What do you mean? I'm going to put you in bed."

"Shouldn't you put me in _my_ bed in _my_ room? Won't you stay with Abarai in your room?" The harshness in his voice surprised both me and Renji. We exchanged glances. Then I looked at Captain Hitsugaya again.

"Do you think I could leave you all by yourself when you're in this state and sleep with Abarai? How hard did you hit your head?" I asked, getting angry. How could he think something like that? Was I that apathetic and bad of a person in his eyes?

He didn't answer and I didn't wait for him to answer anyway. We went to bed and I put him down on the covers, supporting his back with some pillows I used for making the line. After that, I turned to Renji.

"You will sleep here, too. I should change my clothes now," I said and walked to the closet.

"WHAT?!" They both exclaimed at the same time. I took my time choosing which clothes to wear and then turned to face them after rolling my eyes.

"Don't worry, I won't do it here guys." They blushed and dropped their gazes.

"No, no, I didn't oppose that," said Renji. "I would never oppose that actually but…" Renji broke off when Captain Hitsugaya straightened and pointed the tip of his Hyorinmaru at him. His reaction was unbelievebly quick. I didn't even have time to move.

"I couldn't quite hear that last sentence of yours, Abarai." Renji's widened eyes were on Hyorinmaru. Both of their faces were reddened. Who knew what they were thinking of… which ticked me off.

I grabbed the pillow I sleep with and hit Captain Hitsugaya's undamaged arm first, then throw it right into Renji's face.

"Captain Hitsugaya, put your zanpakuto away, please. And Renji, stop dreaming."

"But Yuki, he started it!" said Captain Hitsugaya, holding his arm and Renji was looking at the ground with a guilty expression on his face. I couldn't hold my laughter back. They were both looking like naughty little children who got scolded by their mothers. When he saw me laughing, Captain Hitsugaya smiled and Renji was already grinning but he was looking at me and Captain like trying to see something at the same time.

"Umm, if we turn to our main topic here," said Captain Hitsugaya after I qiuetened down, "there is no way I'm sleeping in the same bed as Abarai."

"Same here," agreed Renji.

"So, where do you plan on sleeping?" I asked Renji.

"Where were you planning on sleeping after you put us in the same bed?" he asked me.

"On the floor?" I shrugged and Renji looked at me like I had just grown horns on my head. "What?" I asked Captain Hitsugaya but he had the same expression, too. "Did I say something wrong?"

"So, you were planning on sleeping on the floor in your wounded state just to make us sleep in your bed?" Captain asked at last. I nodded.

"Alright, I think we should let Yuki sleep now," commented Renji.

"Yeah. She must be too tired to think," agreed Captain Hitsugaya.

"Hey, wait a min-" I started but I was being ignored.

"Do you have a blanket I could use?" asked Renji, looking at Captain Hitsugaya. He gestured to the door.

"My room is right in front of hers. There should be blankets and pillows in the closet.

"But he'll get sick-" I tried again but I was ignored. Again.

"Alright," Renji said and went out.

"Captain Hitsugaya-"

"Sleep, Yuki. You can't think straight. First, you tried to put Renji and me in the same bed, then you thought you could sleep on the floor." He smiled again.

"But-"

"Shhttt," he whispered and closed his eyes after leaning against the pillows. I made a face and went to the bathroom to change my clothes. When I got out, I saw Renji lying on the floor next to the door.

"Renji, do you need anything?" I asked when I approached the door to switch the lights off.

"Nope. Yuki, you know how happy I am because you're here again," he said with a warm smile on his face. I smiled at him too.

"I think it was a mistake coming back. But, I couldn't escape anymore even though I knew that." I didn't mean to say what was on my mind, the words just slipped. I was too tired to set it right, so I just smiled sorrowfully.

"Yuki…" Renji started but didn't continue. I flipped the lights off and lay down on the bed moving as less as possible. I didn't want to disturb Captain Hitsugaya who was probably fast asleep.

Even though I was really worn out, I couldn't sleep as easily as I thought I could. I stared at the ceiling, trying to empty my mind but it was like the more I tried, the more I remembered. Killing a Hollow reminded me of my past and my past was so full of Aizen…

I sighed uncomfortably. I was at the point of aching physically because of the torture in my own mind. If only I could have known I would end up like this. If only I had been more careful. If only I hadn't attach myself to him that much. If only I had thought of the possibilities. Those thoughts were casting their shadows on my scarred memories.

The person I loved the most had wanted to destroy the place I was living with my friends. He had tortured me with his own hands because I refused to join him. Every single day that damned week. With a smile on his face.

I shuddered and pulled the covers to my chin, curling up. I turned to my right and watched Captain Hitsugaya sleep. His eyes were closed. I realized how peaceful he looked when he was sleeping. My hand reached out to touch his face but I stopped it mid-way. I couldn't do it. It would be reckless. The one Captain Hitsugaya loved was Hinamori. I couldn't ruin everything when he was finally being good to me.

Captain Hitsugaya turned to me, severing me from my thoughts and put his hand on mine which was still resting between us. I panicked, thinking he woke up but just as I was about to pull my hand and apologize, I realized his eyes were still closed. So, I did the one thing I shouldn't have. I wrapped my fingers around his. I knew we weren't going to hold hands till morning, one of us would move and break the contact eventually. Why wouldn't I hold his hand which was making me feel safe when I need it the most?

I knew it would help me fall asleep. Our hands were entwined and I thought they fit like puzzle pieces. I could feel the warmth it was sending through my hand and arm to my body.

Before long, I really fell asleep while still holding his hand and watching his serene sleeping face.

* * *

I woke up from my shattered dreams of that hut Aizen kept me, feeling like I was lying on a glacier. My body was so rigid that I thought I wouldn't be able to move without breaking a bone or two for a second. I took a deep breath to calm my airless lungs.

I sat up in bed while trying not to move too much and hugged my legs. I rested my forehead on my knees, trying to control myself. It was all in the past. It was over now. I wasn't living in my past anymore. They were all just memories.

I was trying to smooth my breathing when I felt like I was being watched again. I raised my head from my knees and looked at the window whose curtains weren't drawn.

I met two eyes staring back at me.

Screaming with horror, I reached for my zanpakuto which I had put on the drawer before going to bed. Both Captain Hitsugaya and Renji was wide awake a second after my scream. I shot out of the bed.

"Flutter and Shine, Mangetsu no Hikari!" I aimed my Mangetsu towards the window and brightened its light to see who was there. Captain Hitsugaya and Renji took their places on both sides of me with their zanpakutos. I searched for the eyes I saw earlier but there was nothing. Not a thing. I fell on my knees, feeling dizzy.

"Yuki!" Captain Hitsugaya kneeled beside me. "Go and check outside," he orderedn to Renji. Renji left the room right away. "Yuki?"

I didn't answer. I couldn't even think properly. I was just staring at Mangetsu whose light was flickering weakly.

"Yuki, look at me!" yelled Captain Hitsugaya with panic and held my shoulders, then shook me. I finally snapped out of it and looked at him.

"He's torturing me. He's still torturing me," I whispered, closing my eyes. I felt too tired and weary to cry. Mangetsu fell from my hands and its light faded completely, leaving us alone in the dark.

"Yuki…" Captain Hitsugaya started but trailed off and hugged me tightly instead. His body was hot against my cold-as-ice skin but his warmth wasn't enough to warm me now. I rested my head on his shoulders without opening my eyes. My body was as motionless as a rag doll. Captain Hitsugaya's one hand was on my hair, caressing calmly while the other was on my back, still pressing me to his body. After a minute, I heard Renji came. "Don't turn on the lights," said Captain Hitsugaya the moment he entered the room.

"I don't know who it was but he managed to escape. I saw him for a second before he ran to the darkness." I quivered.

"Alright, Abarai," said Captain Hitsugaya, hugging me tighter as if he wanted to stop my shivering.

"I'll be outside, patrolling, Captain."

"Okay." Renji closed the door after him and left us alone again. Captain Hitsugaya kept hugging me. "You're stone cold," he whispered in a velvety voice. I could easily get lost in his deep but soft voice.

"I'm feeling cold," I whispered back in a weak voice. After that, Captain Hitsugaya picked me up in his arms. My head shifted from his shoulder to that space between his neck and shoulder. _Like the pieces of a puzzle…_

He put me down on the bed. As soon as his hands were removed from my body, I curled up again but Captain Hitsugaya lay down next to me, pulled my hair from my face while touching my cheek on the process.

"No, Yuki. Don't close yourself to me. You're not alone now, I'm here." His words pierced my heart in a way which I wouldn't think as possible. I lifted my head and looked at him as he pulled the covers on us. I could barely see him smiling warmly to comfort me in the dark. Then he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me to himself. I instinctly straightened my legs to remove them from between us. He put his other arm on the back of my head while pulling me closer to himself with the arm on my waist. He pulled us closer until our bodies was joined. He then kept caressing my hair.

I put my head to that space again and pressed my face to his warm chest. Just as I was falling asleep, I thought I felt a kiss on my forehead.


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry for the short chapter :( I had a hard time focusing and I gave up after 3 hours of staring blankly at the wall from my bed. I really hate being ill.**

* * *

CHAPTER 7

"How's Yuki now?" I woke up to Renjis's low voice but my eyes refused to open.

"I don't know. She slept without even moving last night. I mean, the rest of the night." Captain Hitsugaya's voice was strangely near, as though he was talking right next to my ear.

"I informed Captain Commander Yamamoto. He's holding a meeting now. He'll let you know about the results."

"I understand, Abarai. Thanks." Then a hand started playing with my hair. I felt at ease right away.

"Sooo, what do you want for breakfast?" Renji's voice lost its seriousness.

"You'll make the breakfast?" Captain asked disbelievingly. "You want to finish what that Hollow started?"

"Captain! you shouldn't judge people by their appearances! I can cook just fine!"

"Abarai. Your voice is suspiciously high," said Captain Hitsugaya in a thoughtful tone.

"Damn. But can't I try, at least?" asked Renji, admitting defeat.

"Oh, you can," laughed Captain Hitsugaya. Then I heard a door closing.

I still couldn't open my eyes. I couldn't move, too. But I felt warm and comfortable. I felt safe here, so I stopped trying to wake up.

A gentle touched removed a lock of hair from my face and caressed my cheek with a barely perceptible touch. I knew this should have alarmed me of something, something I shouldn't do, something important but it was so far away, I couldn't reach it. Yet, I felt a tear escaping my closed eyelid and finding its way to my cheek. The hand that was caressing my cheek wiped it.

I could easily feel the affection and warmth in that one touch. It was so enchanting, uninvited but pleasing that my tears stopped.

"Yuki," said a silky voice. I likened it to Captain Hitsugaya's but I wasn't sure. It was as if my mind was covered in cotton. I couldn't think straight. "I'm here. You're not alone." Those words were familiar, too.

I let myself to the calming touch and fell asleep again.

* * *

I opened my eyes slowly, stretching my body. Then I leaned my forehead against my warm pillow. I was trying to remember every little thing that happened yesterday, one at a time, so that I didn't lose control again.

But the air stuck in my lungs when I remembered the part Captain Hitsugaya hugged me and the part we slept like that. I became aware of my surroundings after that. First of all, my 'warm' pillow was breathing and I could hear its heart beating.

My heart started pounding in my chest. I noticed the delightful sensation his arms which were wrapped around me were giving. I was so comfortable with them that I hadn't even noticed when I first woke up.

I lifted my head and opened one eye to prove my suspects. I was lying on Captain Hitsugaya's chest and he was embracing me firmly.

"Yuki? Is there something wrong?" I didn't know what to do in embarassment. Then I stopped racking my brain to come up with an answer and did the stupidest thing.

I screamed and backed away in bed. Then fell face first to the ground. My legs hung in mid-air for a second. Of course, this was enough for me to shut up. It as like a divine intervention.

"Yuki! What's happening, are you guys okay?!" I heard Renji suddenly entering the room with panic and sat up. When I looked at him with a blushed face, my mouth fell open.

Renji was wearing an apron and holding a dipper. This was not an image I thought I could possibly see.

Renji's eyes flew between my red face and confused looking Captain Hitsugaya. When we both didn't answer, he pointed the dipper which had sauce all over it to Captain. Just as Captain Hitsugaya opened his mouth to scold Renji because of the splattered sauce on his face, Renji exclaimed.

"I knew it! Captain tried to do something to you, didn't he?! What did he do? Did he try to give you candies?" he asked, dead serious. Captain Hitsugaya threw a pillow to him with a blushed face.

"You idiot! Do I look a pervert who always carries candies to you? And, seriously, candies?!"

"Then… Is it possible that Yuki… You l did something to him?! NOOOOOO!" yelled Renji dramatically, leaning against the door as if someone punched him in the guts.

"You really are an idiot, aren't you?! Nothing happened!"

I couldn't stop my laughter which was building throughout the conversation. I laughed like nothing was wrong. I felt like I was falling apart but I kept laughing anyway.

* * *

I tried to eat my breakfast with my head buried in my plate. I was trying not to meet their eyes. I mean, I spent the last night in Captain Hitsugaya's arms! I could die because of the embarassment I was feeling. Not to mention I was pushing last night's encounter into the depths of my mind.

"Abarai!" shouted Captain Hitsugaya suddenly and I jumped on my chair. I realized he looked as if he was about to murder. "Why is there so much salt in everything!" Actually, he was right. Everything was too salty.

"Captain, I'm sorry… I just wanted everything to be perfect and…"He gestured to the empty saltcellar. My eyes widened while Captain Hitsugaya choked on the bite he was chewing. I patted his back. "Is it too much?" asked Renji innocently after Captain started breathing again. Renji himself wasn't eating anything, he had said he snacked while preparing.

"Renji…" I started, trying to think of a way to make him understand it was beyond salty without hurting his feelings. He looked at me with the empty saltcellar in his hand, smirking.

"Too much?! It is more than too much!" yelled Captain Hitsugaya snatching the cellar from his hand.

"I'm sure you are exeggarating, Captain! I always cook well-"

"Captain!" I stood immediately when I saw Captain Hitsugaya stuffing a spoonful of omlette into Renji's mouth in the middle of his sentence. Renji's eyes widened while he tried to swallow.

"Alright, you weren't exeggarating," he said in a depressing voice and dropped his head after swallowing forcibly.

"Finally!" yelled Captain Hitsugaya while bringing all of us water. "I presume you wouldn't try to cook aga-"

"But I'll make it perfect next time!" stood Renji all of a sudden, his eyes shining with hope.

"Just kill me," murmured Captain Hitsugaya, sitting again in defeat. I was already seated, shaking with silent laughters.

"Huh? Captain, Yuki's laughing again. What did I miss?" Renji asked in a genuine confusion. At this point, Captain Hitsugaya started hitting his own head repeatedly on the table.

* * *

"But if I don't continue with him my practice will be delayed! It's only until you are healed fully!" I was yelling the same thing who knew how many times. I was trying to convince Captain Hitsugaya to let me fight Renji. We were already in the backyard but he wasn't permitting us.

"Then fight me!"

"You're injured!"

"Do you think some small injury can stop me?"

"I won't fight you with a bandage on your freaking head even if you kill me!" I yelled in anger. When I saw his hands on his bandage, trying to take it off, I waved my index finger threatheningly to his nose. "And don't you dare take it off!"

"Are you trying to stick your finger in my nose?!" he took a step back. I realized in anger that I really was holding my finger dangerously close to his nose.

"No!"

"Umm… Guys?" We turned to face Renji at the same time.

"WHAT!" He raised his hands in surrender and backed away.

"I was just going to say that you were getting sidetracked," he said in a low voice.

"SHUT UP!" we shouted at him synchronized. Then continued where we left off.

"You're using my injuries as an excuse yet you are injured yourself!"

"But they aren't even serious and I wasn't get hit on my head!"

"Umm… Guys?" Renji cut in again. We didn't even bother to look at him this time.

"You will not get in to a hand-to-hand combat with Abarai!"

"I'm not asking for a permission from you!"

"You are _my_ Lieutenant!"

"This doesn't mean I'm your slave!"

"You are getting along well, I see," said a voice behind us suddenly, cutting our arguing. I turned and saw Captain Ukitake with Rukia beside him.

Their being here meant one thing: the meeting was over.


	8. Chapter 8

**Soo, I was gone for a really long time. I was in hospital and had exams etc. and just couldn't find the time or will to write but I'm back now. I'll upload another chapter tonight when I come home from school. Enjoy!**

* * *

CHAPTER 8

"Captain Ukitake!" I bowed right away.

"Ukitake," greeted Captain Hitsugaya.

"See? You should have listened to me! I was trying to make you see him!" Renji said, exasperated. He quietened when he saw us looking at him.

"It's nice to see you getting along so well. It's good to see your wounds aren't as serious as they looked, too, isn't it Rukia?" Rukia was trying to suppress her grin.

"Yes, Captain Ukitake."

"Anyway, I came here to inform you of the outcome of our meeting," said Captain Ukitake, getting serious. Captain Hitsugaya, Renji and I straightened our backs. "We still don't know who this spy of Aizen's could be. I'm sorry, Yuki." I tried to smile reassuringly, this wasn't Captain Ukitake's fault after all.

"Yuki." Renji walked towards me. The worry in his voice was obvious but I just smiled at him, too.

"Are you ready to fight?" I asked simply.

Captain Hitsugaya didn't object this time. After the bad news, it was natural but this didn't stop him from getting angry. His hands were balled into fists on his sides.

"Yeah, I guess," Renki hesitated before answering.

"Hitsugaya?" asked Captain Ukitake.

"What is it, Ukitake?"

"Can I talk to you about something?" Captain Hitsugaya accepted with a nod and they went inside. Rukia stayed with us.

"Yuki! All Seireitei's talking about you." She smirked.

"Really?" I asked, blushing.

"Of course!" said Renji in excitement while putting his one arm around my shoulders and pulling me to him. "You were actually very bad-ass!" He started messing my hair.

"Renji!" I yelled in a shrill voice and tried to stop him while laughing at the same time but of course, he was stronger than me physically so instead, I attempted to escape from his grip.

"You are not going anywhere!" He stopped messing my hair and put his hand on my waist to lift me up. I was shaking with laughters just like Rukia and Renji.

It was the first time I felt like I belonged there, like it wasn't a mistake coming here. After a devastating encounter with Aizen's spy, I was laughing here like nothing happened. This was what I had been yearning to feel.

After Renji put me on my feet, we sat down on the grass.

"It's been a very long time since the three of us sat together like this," commented Rukia while smiling sincerely. I nodded in agreement and we fell silent, relaxing. After a while, Captain Ukitake and Captain Hitsugaya came out and we stood up. I wondered what they talked about. Captain Ukitake's expression was as gentle as always but Captain Hitsugaya seemed thoughtful.

"Time to go, Rukia," said Captain Ukitake and they started walking away. Rukia waved once before disappearing in the distance.

"Alright then. We should start, too. Get ready Renji!"

"I'm always ready!" Renji grinned evilly and took his stance. Captain Hitsugaya looked at us with a displeased expression but didn't comment. He sat on the grass and crossed his arms. He was going to watch us.

I attacked.

Renji was good at fighting even though he wasn't as quick as Captain Hitsugaya. I realized I had shown some progress while fighting him. It would have been harder to take him down before.

We continued like this for a second. My arm and leg were aching a little but I quickly forgot about them in the thrill of the fight. Renji was already trying to hold back as much as he could.

But because of I forgot about my wounds, I made a mistake after that one hour. I used my wounded arm instinctively to counter Renji's kick. The pain was sudden, so I didn't have time to stop my reaction. Just when I thought I couldn't get any more stupid.

I gasped and held my arm before backing a little. Renji took a step towards me but Captain Hitsugaya appeared in front of me before him.

"Yuki," he whispered. I kneeled to wait for the pain to fade and he fell to the ground with me. He was holding my arms.

"I'm fine," I smiled at him. Renji kneeled beside Captain and I looked at him this time. "It was my fault, I got too absorbed in the fight." But it didn't erase the regret in Renji's face. "Oh, come on! It'll be as good as new in a minute. Don't look at me like that."

"I don't care if it'll be good in a minute or not," said Captain Hitsugaya harshly and lifted me. After a second, I was placed on his shoulder.

"What the-" Before I could finish my sentence, Captain Hitsugaya started walking towards the house. I could see Renji watching us with his mouth dropped open. "Ca-Captain!" I protested but he kept walking and didn't put me down until we were in the living room. There, he put me on a couch. I was trying to stop my face from blushing any more when he held my arm in his hands gently.

"How much does it hurt?" I could only whisper while my heart was drumming in my chest.

"It's almost passed." When he looked at me, I saw a spark I had never seen in his eyes before. I wasn't sure what it was but it made me feel light-headed.

"Please listen to me when I say something next time. Please." He closed his eyes with a mixture of relaxation and exhaustion. I didn't say a word, we both knew I couldn't promise since I was never listening to him anyway. He left after that.

* * *

Captain Hitsugaya didn't come home that afternoon. However much Renji tried to cheer me up or distract me from my thoughts, he was aware my smile was just for him to feel better and nothing more.

Eventually, he admitted defeat and sat beside me on the couch.

"Yuki…"

"It's alright, Renji. I just need some rest." Actually, that wasn't the case. Everytime I closed my eyes, I would see Captain Hitsugaya when he was in Hinamori's room at the Clinic. He was there right now, too, probably. And he was staying much longer than ever before. Thinking just that made me extremely tired. Renji wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me out of my whirlpool of thoughts. I leaned my head against his shoulder.

"You can sleep if you want."

"Thanks, Renji." I pulled my legs to my stomach as he started playing with my hair.

I didn't understand. Captain Hitsugaya was confusing me. But then again, it was probably because of my feelings that I was this much confused. I closed my eyes slowly. It was the first time he was gone for so long. I was feeling lonely, I realized.

"Yuki, I don't know what to say. I have no idea what is going through your head," said Renji. I smiled.

"I know that feeling."

"I could almost hear the sad song that keeps playing in your head, though."

"Are you serious?" I asked jokingly.

"Dead serious. I even know that in the background, there is rain and grey clouds everywhere. Just as you like."

"Oh. I thought you said you didn't have any idea what was on my mind?"

"I didn't. I just guessed."

"You should be a psychic or something."

"Naah. I'm beter at physical things. Like fighting and all."

"Hmm… But if you become a psychic, you could join a festival where there are clowns everywhere," I laughed. Renji jumped in his seat.

"Do you have any idea how scary that clowns look?" I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Ah, come on! Still? They're not going to eat you!"

"How do you know? What if they do?"

"Then you could beat them up if they tried."

"What if they fight better than me and I get captured?"

"How can you stil live in the same place as Captain Kurotsuchi?"

"Right?! He's scaring the sense out of me." He shuddered exaggeratedly.

"Why do you think he is that creepy?"

"Don't you think all the scientists are insane? I think the problem is the science itself."

"You think so?"

"Absolutely." After that, it was silent. The song started playing in my head again and I talked first this time.

"Renji, I'm glad we are close friends."

"So am I, Yuki," said Renji in a thoughtful voice. I leaned my curled legs against his chest and he put his free hand on my knee. His other hand was still playing with my hair. I didn't open my eyes once. After a while, I heard the door open.

"Is she sleeping?" asked Captain Hitsugaya.

"Yeah," replied Renji knowing I wasn't asleep. He must have sensed my lack of reaction at Captain's coming and sticked with me. Then I felt Captain sitting on the couch.

"Should we put her in bed?" he asked.

"Okay," said Renji and took me in his arms. After a short walk, we were in the bedroom and he put me on the bed. "I'm going to patrol now, Captain Hitsugaya," he said.

"Alright." Then he was gone. But I could still feel the presence of Captain Hitsugaya in the room.

"It looks like it's going to rain, Yuki," he whispered in a completely different tone from before. It was full of emotion and my heart started beating wildly with anticipation.


	9. Chapter 9

**Yuki's as clueless as me when it comes to love.**

* * *

CHAPTER 9

"It looks like it's going to rain, Yuki," he whispered. I didn't open my eyes or showed any reaction. I wanted him to go on. "I like the rain and the snow. I like the innocence and serenity the snow brings and the feeling of the pureness the rain offers as if it can sanctify everything on the earth. At least, I like the thought. I like the full moon, too. Its light is so peaceful that it makes you feel like it can shine right into your soul." He sighed. "I think this is why your zanpakuto chose you. Mangetsu no Hikari, the light of the full moon. Do you know, sometimes I feel like your light is going to disappear and it makes me really scared. Whatever you do, please don't let it fade, Yuki.

"You see, I've been freezing my soul for so long. When Hinamori… started sleeping… and not waking up… I could feel my soul freezing up more everyday. And I let it freeze. Because this was easier than facing the pain. I ended up like this, in the end. She never woke up and I thought that I would stay this way forever. But then you started shining in front of my eyes. Your light touched my soul, I felt your warmth. I'm not going to say that you melt the ice surrounding my soul and heart because you did the opposite of it, without even realizing. You echoed deep into my soul, passing right through my frozen walls. You didn't even need to break it. This was a feeling so weird that I hated you for being able to do that at first. You shone on the feelings that I willingly accepted as dead." He hesitated. "Look, I don't know what's happened to me. I just know I shouldn't have done a lot of things that I've done. I shouldn't have been that cold to you. I shouldn't have kissed you that night. I just want you to stay here and be happy."

After that, he came to the bed and made sure the blanket was on me before going to sleep. After saying good night, he distanced himself physically from me again and ten minutes later, his breathing slowed down.

Here, now I could understand him. He just wanted me to stay. He was already regretting the kiss and he just wanted a normal relationship. He wanted us to become friends, that was all. I faced the other way. I could do that. Didn't I already know that my feelings would be one-sided at the beginning?

Then I heard the rain tapping the window. How ironic, the rain. I silently got up and went outside. I knew Renji would be there.

"Yuki?" he asked but I didn't answer. I looked up and let the rain wash my face. I was all soaked after only a few minutes. Then I plastered a smile on my lips and looked at Renji. "I won't ask," he said, coming close to me. I bit my lips to hide their trembling. But then Renji wrapped his arms tightly around me and pulled me to his chest. I balled my hands into fists on his shirt and let it go. I cried and cried and cried until I used up all the clouds in my sky.

Then I felt better. I pulled my head from his chest and looked at Renji. Our eyes met.

"Thank you," I said. He smiled at me sadly and kissed my forehead gently. I leaned on his chest again and hugged him back.

"Don't you think it would be nice to have a violin or piano around right now?" he asked.

"I'm sure Captain Kurotsuchi has both," I smirked.

"We can always try. But you will be the one to ask."

"No way! I'd prefer confessing my 'undying' love to Captain Kuchiki," I said laughing.

"Ugh. Please tell me you won't. Lie, if you should, but tell me you won't." He laughed too.

"I won't." I looked at him pretending to be suspicious. His eyes widened. "Alright, I'm telling the truth. I'm not in love with him or anything." He was still looking at me in disbelief. "Come on! He's like my big brother!"

"I know!" he laughed again. "I was just kidding with you. Let's sit," he said and sat on the wet ground. It was still raining heavily. I shrugged and sat beside him. "You look tired."

"So do you," I said after nodding. Now that I was relaxed a little, I started feeling the exhaustion. I pushed him to the ground and put my head on his chest, laying down. My right temple was touching his chin. He put a hand on my stomach and I put mine on his. He was still holding Zabimaru with his other hand, just in case. "When will the sun rise?"

"In a few hours. But I don't think it will stop raining. We won't be able to see the sun through these thick clouds."

"Good. The sun has always been too radiant and hot for me."

"Yeah, I guess."

* * *

A week passed just like that. I closed myself to Captain Hitsugaya and distanced myself from him however bad it felt. Of course, we would argue occasionaly like before but I decided to let my feelings for him disappear slowly. This was why I was avoiding even the slightest of touches.

I would still fight with Renji in the mornings even though Captain Hitsugaya always tried to persuade me otherwise. But I would still fight no matter what he said and he would end up watching us with furrowed brows. Then he would go out in the afternoon and only came home in the evenings. Renji and I would meet up with others and wander around the Seireitei while Captain was gone. Renji was to stay with me that week because of Captain's injuries.

But then, one evening when Captain Hitsugaya came home, his bandages were gone. I had them taken off two days before his, so I was kind of expecting it. That meant he was now good enough to let Renji go.

"Then, everyone, I'm going now. Miss me a lot!"

"For God's sake, Abarai, go and join a Drama Club," said Captain Hitsugaya while crossing his arms.

"Do you think they would accept me?"

"You can even get a lead," said Captain, rolling his eyes. Then he leaned on the open door and it was my turn to say goodbye. I buried my face in my hands.

"Yuki, don't be so upset please, I will try to visit whenever I have free time." I raised my head.

"I'm not covering my face because I'm crying, you idiot. Whenever you have these conversations, I want to throw myself to the ground from the top of a skyscraper, that's all." Renji hugged me, smirking.

"Calm down, calm down." I smiled.

"Alright, I'm calm." Then he let go.

"See you around, then?" I nodded.

"See you around."

After that, he was gone. Captain Hitsugaya and I went back to the living room and sat back to our seperate couches. It was silent for a while. I continued avoiding his eyes as usual.

"That's enough," said Captain Hitsugaya in a sharp tone and stood up abruptly. I looked at him, my eyes wide with shock.

"Captain?"

"Yuki, you weren't sleeping that night, right?"

"Wh-which night?" I asked while standing up. I took a step back instinctively.

"You heard everything. I wanted you to hear how you affected me, how I wanted you to stay." It was too late for me to avert my eyes. Our gazes were locked.

"Yes," I said. I couldn't bring myself to lie. His expression changed from nervous to painful. I was getting confused again.

"Then why are you doing this?" he asked, almost begging. His tone was resigned.

"What am I doing exactly?" I asked, trying to hold back my tears.

"This. Distancing yourself from me." I was backing away throughout our conversation and now my back was against the wall but Captain Hitsugaya didn't stop.

"Stop, please."

"No. I stopped for the whole of this week. I stopped myself while you were spending time with Renji and pushed me away. I was stupid to do so." We were face to face now. He put both his hands on the wall either side of my head. I had nowhere to run.

"I did that because I needed it!"

"Why did you need it?! We were just fine before!"

"Because you said it was a mistake!" He froze. "You said you regretted kissing me! You implied we would be better as friends!"

"I said it was a mistake because you made it clear that you didn't like it the next day! I wanted you to feel comfortable! I would do everything to make you stay by me, so I brushed my real feelings aside that night and said what I thought you wanted to hear! You have no idea how hard it was for me. This last week was a complete torture to me." We were both trying to catch our breaths in anger and looking at each other challengingly.

Then I grasped the meaning of what he just said. My mouth fell open and I forgot to breathe.

"You…"

"Wait. I never said or implied that we were better as friends."

"Really?" We just stared at each other blankly for a while. "Are you… serious?"

"My heart was beating so fast when I first saw you that I hated it, thus hated you. I felt like I was betraying Hinamori everytime my heart started leaping in my chest when I saw you." A tear escaped and fell to my cheek. What was he trying to say now, after his earlier conversation? He wiped it away gently with his thumb. "Shhttt. I'm not finished yet," he whispered. I was almost afraid to breathe. "But then I understood. I thought the feeling Hinamori woke inside of me was love because I had never fallen in love before." He held my chin with his thumb and index finger and raised my head. "But now I know what love is because I fell in love with you, Yuki. This is a whole different emotion. When I realized this, I thought it was too late because I had already pushed you away. I had wasted too much time denying what was in front of me. That was why I made that speech. But watching you with Renji, not being able to be in his place or hold you in my arms while you sleep like that night or protect you myself… these thoughts torture me every minute and I can't endure the thought of losing you which they spin around." When he finished his sentence, there were only inches between us.

"I… I was feeling the same, Captain-" he hushed me, putting his index finger on my lips.

"My name's Toshiro. Please call my name now, Yuki."

"I felt the same and tried to suppress and even kill my feelings but it didn't work at all. I was in pain and supposed to hate you for that but on the contrary, my feelings never changed. I'm in love with you from the day we met Ca- Toshiro." It felt weird to call him by his name but it was right at the same time, somehow.

"Yuki, don't cry please," he pleaded and wiped my tears by putting his both hands on my cheeks. Then he came even closer and put his lips on mine, kissing me slowly. I kissed him back while wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling his body even closer to mine. I wanted to feel his body against mine. He did even better, he pushed my back against the wall, trapping my body between the wall and his.

"Yuki," he murmured after we stopped to breathe. He pulled away a little and looked at me with serious eyes. "Please don't put anymore distance between us from now on. I had almost lost you because I couldn't accept my feelings for you. Let me make it up to you. I can't lose you, not anymore."

"I'm not the least angry." I shifted my hands from his hair to his shirt and pulled him back to me to kiss him again. At first, the kiss was as soft as a feather but then it started getting deeper. He was leaving me breathless, burning my whole body.

The next thing I knew, I was on Toshiro's arms and getting carried to the bedroom. We never stopped kissing even for a second. He put me on the bed and laid down right next to me. While he was pulling me to him with his one hand that was on my waist, his other hand was still carressing my cheek. I had put one hand on his hair again while the other was on his back.

The moment I slid my hand under his shirt to touch his burning skin, Toshiro shivered and pulled me even closer to him.

"I never thought you would impress me this much," he whispered to my ear and continued kissing me again after trailing my cheek with little kisses. His hand went inside my t-shirt and I gasped.

"Toshiro…" I whispered while he was kissing my neck. Then he slowed down and placed a little kiss on my lips again before pulling away.

"Yuki. You're beautiful," he said while putting his elbow on bed to support his head with his hand. He was playing with my hair with the other. My hands was on his chest. I flushed under his gaze but didn't look away. I felt like I could look at him forever.

"The first night you came. I thought the same thing when you were sleeping beside me."

"That night? You were sleeping here that night?" I asked, surprised. Then I remembered the warmth I felt when I had woken up.

"Yeah. I just couldn't leave you alone." I smiled. He leaned and kissed my forehead. "And I will never leave you from now on. Nobody can take you away from me anymore." He kissed my lips again, still smiling and my lips curved into another smile under his.

His kiss was full of love. I felt happy, kissing him back lightly. He was gentle as if I could break under his touch any moment.

When we stopped, he got up and turned the lights off. He hugged me tightly after laying on the bed again.

"Let's sleep now. I can see how tired you are." I put my head on his chest and our legs entwined. He pressed our bodies together tightly and placed his chin on top of my head. I sighed happily. "I can get addicted to this," he said. I laughed.

"It's okay for me." He kissed my hair.

"If it wasn't okay, we would need to do a brainwash on you as soon as possible," he laughed.

"A brainwash? Wow. Then my prince on a white horse will come and turn me back to my normal self, right?"

"Nope. I'm planning on freezing him while he's still on his way here. I'll be you 'Shinigami with a Frozen Zanpakuto'." I laughed even harder.

"I see you are as creative as ever."

"Naah, I'm even more creative tonight."

"What are we going to do with this ego?" I said laughing again.

"Fall in love with it, too. We would destroy one another because we could never share you. You would be happy either way." I found his lips in the moonlight that was washing the room and kissed him shortly.

Neither me, nor Toshiro was aware of the person watching us from the outside of the window.


End file.

Bleach, Romance, Suspense