She'll Never Tell

Disclaimer: This is my first attempt at this sort of story. It is a new type of story for me in three ways. 1) It's written in 2nd person, something I have never tried before. 2) It's a 'ship! Daniel/Janet to be more precise. And 3) it has no names in it at all, so it may be a bit hard to work out who 'she' (Janet) is talking about.  
  
So I'm begging you to remember that if you leave a review. Please, please read this then review.   
  
This is set early on in season 7, after Daniel returns but before 'lifeboat'. Some small spoilers for various episodes, slightly bigger one for 'Meridian'.  
  
I don't know much about Janet's Ex-Husband, only that she had one. So if there is an episode that deals with who he was, if he was dead etc., ignore it.   
  
*Phew!* That was a long set of notes! Now on with the fic!  
  
~She'll never tell.~  
  
She'll never tell. She watches him from a distance, admiring his looks, his courage, hanging near him in the hope of hearing him laugh.   
  
She loves him, though it will never come out and be told in words. He knows and he understands. Like her, he will never tell.  
  
She has had her heart broken too many times and had any chance of love and happiness ripped from her grasp, leaving a hole in her heart that makes her fear loves embrace. She can't allow herself to admit how she feels, scared, fearful of rejection.  
  
He is shy, nervous, brilliant blue eyes holding a hint of uncertainty.  
  
She watches him whenever he is brought into the infirmary, heals him then watches as he leaves, his team waiting for him. She lurks near him, hoping for a smile in her direction. She wishes she was stronger, wishes she could just tell him how she felt, wishes she could help him to forget his dead wife.  
  
Ice-Queen. Stone heart. Too scared to open, wants him to make the first step, even though she knows he will never. And for a few times she feared that it was too late, that he was dead and that she had lost her only chance at love. And every time he came back to her and every time she shied away from making a move.  
  
He is clever, naive, seemly oblivious to the looks he gets from half of the female population on the base. He has eyes only for her.   
  
Rules separate them, keeping two lonely hearts at arms length. Yet sometimes she wonders if that is only a excuse, something to hide behind. In the dead of night when she lies awake in her empty double bed she thinks of her ex-husband and she thinks of him. She's glad to be rid of her ex-husband, but she admits that he caused a scar in her heart that was still healing, years after the divorce. Then her thoughts swing back to the rules and back to him. If the rules didn't exist would she tell him?   
  
No.  
  
She knows he holds back, partly because of his dead wife. As if by allowing himself to care for another would somehow sully her memory. She thinks that his wife would be happy for him, happy that he was not alone, happy that he would have someone to share the rest of his life with. So why can't she tell him?  
  
Because she would never do anything that would hurt him, and telling him to get over his wife would hurt him. Tough love it was called. She was too much of a coward to do that to him. So she loves him in silence.  
  
She sometimes wakes up in a cold sweat, her hands grasping for something that isn't there. She remembers the night he came to her, months after he had left, after he had moved to a higher plane of existence to escape the radiation that was killing him. She was upset, she thought he left her, so she cried, as she cried every night. She had been crying as she always did, when he appeared in front of her, his eyes as warm and caring as always. The compassion in him was amazing. For that one night they were together, two people hiding behind masks, just enjoying being with each other.  
  
Now he doesn't remember. He may never remember. She is so angry at the unfairness of it all. She is angry at the ones who helped him ascend, at the woman who took him away from her and then gave him back with the memory of there night gone.  
  
She could tell him. But she won't, because half of her believes it was pity or a misguided belief that she could replace his wife. So she returns to her quiet, noticing with some surprise that he watches her and gives her secretive smiles as if he never left as if somehow he remembers.  
  
Sometimes telling the truth is easier said then done. That was another excuse she tells herself, that it's all very well to just say 'tell him' but telling him was a very different matter.  
  
She cares for him. Yet the unspoken truth rests in the air, rests behind ever word spoken to the other, rests in every glance they send each other.  
  
She'll never tell.  
  
~Fin~  
  
Someday, I'm going to write something that isn't Angst.   
  
Someday...   
  
Anyhow, please now that you've taken the time to read this, please leave a review. I live for them! ;)  
  
~Sethoz 


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