JAG 1. the first step

_Disclaimer: Not mine, Bellisario's  
_

**Baby steps forwards  
**_Set shortly after 'JAG-athon'  
_

_**Part 1: The first step  
**_

_Friday September 6__th__  
_It was just after noon and she was waiting outside for him to come. The investigation had been wrapped up, the culprit in custody and the weekend lay ahead of them. Harm was inside on the phone, briefing their CO.  
Caught in her thoughts Mac rolled her shoulders to relax her stiff muscles. What was next? It was now two weeks ago they ran the JAG-athon. Two weeks after their fight, two weeks after their resolution they would start all over again. Being friends again. But how?  
From the corner of her eye she saw Harm approaching the car. He smiled "The Admiral is satisfied; we don't have to report at the office anymore today. After all, it will be al almost 5 o'clock when we are back in DC." He hopped into the car, leaving it to Mac to drive.  
After a few miles the silence threatened to become awkward again and Harm decided to tackle that immediately. With a slight cough he drew Mac's attention.  
"Since we have the afternoon to ourselves, why don't we make a little d-tour? Maybe do something?"  
"Like what?" Mac wanted to know.  
"I don't know. Just leave the highway, stop where it looks nice. We can change into civvies in the next restroom."  
Mac nodded "Sounds like a plan." To be honest, she was very relieved by his suggestion to spend time together. Maybe it was the first step towards resuming their friendship. A few miles later she spotted a sign and turned the car away from the highway. A small brick building was waiting for them. Harm took the first turn to change and Mac watched his back when he disappeared. This was the first step and a long way lay ahead of them. Despite their resolutions, would they be able to restore their friendship? She pushed the thoughts away, knowing if she went that way it would bring her nowhere. She needed to have some faith and give the doubts no change. Watching Harm come out, wearing a pair of jeans and a black polo, she headed for the ladies restrooms to change.  
They drove on, Harm reading the map and plotting a route. Since they had no specific place to go, they decided to take the smaller roads, leading from village to village. Suddenly Mac let out a cry. "Look, a dinosaur exhibition. Can we go and look? Please?" Harm nodded "Why not?" It wasn't something he would have chosen himself, but he knew it was one of Mac's hobbies and he was happy to humour her.  
The exhibition turned out to be more extended than they had expected. There were timelines, fossils and dioramas both dinosaurs in their own habitat as from excavation sites. They watched a movie about a large excavation and ended with a cup of tea and a piece of pie in the cafeteria. Mac started to share stories about how she and Uncle Matthew had gone searching for dinosaur footprints in the desert during the time he brought her there to sober up. Harm listened in rapt attention, very pleased she was ready to tell him some about her past.  
While Mac visited the bathroom he wandered the little museum shop. Suddenly he saw a small pendant with a dinosaur footprint etched in it. He smiled. It was a perfect gift, connected to her stories but at the same time small enough not to embarrass. Luckily there were not many people and he managed to pay and hide it in his pocket before Mac returned. 

It was almost 6 pm and it was still little over a 100 miles drive to Washington. Harm was driving now and suddenly he turned the wheel, steering the car into a side-road. Mac looked puzzled.  
Harm laughed. "It's 6 pm and Washington is well over an hour and a half away. I saw the sign pointing to a mall and I'm sure we can find a restaurant there. I don't know how you feel about it, but I sure would like a bite." He winked teasingly, knowing her famous appetite.  
Mac laughed and wagged her finger at him.  
"You know me, stickboy. I like a bite every hour of the day!"  
Harm just smiled but inwardly he was delighted she used his old nickname again.  
The mall proved to house several small restaurants and they enjoyed a nice Greek dinner. Afterwards Mac suggested a bit of window-shopping "Not too long," she assured him with a pleading smile. Harm agreed and pointed towards a map of the mall. "Let's see what route to take," he suggested. He studied the map. If we walk that way we will end at a supermarket next to the parking lot," he pointed out. "We can finish with buying some groceries." Mac nodded, happy he didn't object.  
Strolling through the mall, Mac suddenly stopped, looking at a small shop displaying a couple of evening dresses.  
"O Harm, look. Can we go in, please? I will need a new gown for this winter's social events. Harm was happy to accommodate her. Inside Mac acted like a kid in a candy shop, not knowing where to look first and last. She rummaged through the racks, finally coming up with a dark red, well, not a gown but a dress. It had wide flowing sleeves and skirt embroidered with gold thread.  
"Can I try this one, please?"  
The sales lady nodded and showed her the fitting cubicle. When she emerged Harm had trouble keeping his jaw from dropping. She looked gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous.  
Mac twirled. "What do you think?"  
"I think you will be the queen of the ball," was his honest reply. Happily Mac walked back to change again and then handed the dress to the sales lady to be bagged. After paying they left the shop and headed towards the supermarket. Suddenly Mac spotted a pharmacy and realised she needed some feminine hygiene products. Since she wasn't at ease with Harm watching her buy them she asked "I have to purchase some items here. Can you wait for a second?"  
Harm nodded and walked over to the next shop. It turned out to be a jeweller's and while he wasn't really looking suddenly one item caught his eye. It was a set of filigree earrings, almost matching the embroidery on Mac's new dress to a T. Throwing a look at the pharmacy to make sure Mac hadn't reappeared yet, he entered the shop and quickly made his wishes known to the man at the desk. The earrings would be perfect as a Christmas present and he sincerely hoped they would be close enough again by that time that he would be able to give them. Wrapping and paying took only a moment and then he stood at the door, peeping out. Mac was standing a few feet away clearly looking for him. Now she walked in the opposite direction, facing the other side and Harm took his change to slip out. Pretending he had just been out of sight he called Mac "You're ready? Let's hit the supermarket!" 

When they reached Mac's place Harm courteously carried her bags to the door. It gave him the opportunity to slip the little bag with the pendant into her briefcase. 'The first step' he thought, hiding a smile. 'Too bad I'm not there to see her open it.'  
Mac was a little nervous. What did he expect? Was she to ask him inside? She stifled a wry chuckle. There had been a time it hadn't been a question. While she unlocked the door, she couldn't decide whether it was relief or disappointment when he dropped the bags, declaring "You're home," and with a smile turned to walk to the elevator again. Looking at his disappearing back she realised it was definitely disappointment, but he was gone before she could act on her feelings.  
She flopped down on the couch. Their little d-tour had been fun. She now admitted to herself how much she had missed a buddy to do stuff with. Not to date but just to hang out with. Someone to go to a movie or exhibition, play a game, go for a run … all those things she and Harm used to do together.  
She straightened her shoulders, not prepared or allowing herself to talk herself into a depressed mood. There were things to be done, bags to unpacks, to begin with the groceries. She rose and carried the bag of food to the kitchen. Next she headed for the bathroom to take a shower and put on one of her flannel pjs. She pushed away the thoughts of Harm, who loved to see her in them. Then she brought her overnight-bag to her bedroom and unpacked, putting the dirty clothes in the hamper and repacking with fresh ones so she could put the bag back into her trunk again the next morning. Finally she went through her briefcase to see what could be removed and that was when she discovered a small unfamiliar package. Curious she squeezed it, trying to make out the contents. Since it was in _her _briefcase she opened it to find a small card and something wrapped in tissue. The card read 'a first step, H.' Mac smiled, curious what she would find next. She folded back the tissue and was speechless for a moment, feeling the tears sting.  
After a moment she realised a 'thank you' call was in order and without thinking her fingers pressed the right numbers. It took Harm only a few seconds to answer. "Rabb speaking."  
"Mac here. That necklace! Thank you so much. It's really beautiful."  
"You're welcome." His voice sounded warm with a hint of relief. He must have been nervous about how she would take his present.  
Mac felt it was up to her now to take the next step. She took a deep breath. "I'm sure you have to do chores tomorrow, like I have, but why don't we go for a run Sunday morning?"  
"Already looking for a fight, Marine?" he teased  
Mac laughed, too. "No, but if you want to make it a competition, I'm your woman!"  
"Right, we'll see to that. Usual place, six o'clock?"  
"That's fine with me. And now, sleep well, Flyboy."  
"Sweet dreams, Jarhead." 

_Sunday September 8th_

That Sunday morning found Harm and Mac in the park, both panting after their 5 miles run. As they had said before, it had been a bit of a competition, although a friendly one. Mac won, but only by a few feet. Now, having both bought a bottle of water at a stall, they were walking side by side. Mac was pondering about asking him whether he had plans for the rest of the day but he beat her in opening his mouth.  
"I'm sorry I won't be around the rest of the day. I have a, well, the word chore doesn't quite cover it." Mac frowned, both from not understanding as from disappointment. Harm saw and hastened to explain. "A buddy of mine, Jack Overs, called yesterday evening. I know him from my baseball team. Jack has a cousin, Gerwin. He is military too, recently reassigned to Washington. He and his wife Lia have a son, a toddler named Harry, and Lia is pregnant with their second baby. Last Wednesday she was rushed to Bethesda hospital. Pre-eclampsia, he said. It has something to do with a way too high blood pressure and it can kill both mother and child. She has to rest, is not allowed to do anything and might be in for a long stay in hospital. Since they moved only weeks ago there is still a lot work to do on the house. But now, with Lia's condition, Gerwin won't have any time to do something and Jack stepped in, asking some friends to help him. Including me, for he knows I did some woodwork in my own house."  
Mac nodded thoughtfully. "So you will be renovating today?"  
"Yes," Harm agreed. He looked pleadingly "You understand? I couldn't say no to him."  
Mac smiled, even though she was a bit down. "I understand. Don't worry, Harm. I always admired your willingness to help out if someone needed help."  
It was almost comical to see his relief in the big grin now covering his face. "Thanks Mac. I will make up for it, I promise."


	2. Progressing

_**2: Progressing  
**_

_Tuesday September 10__th  
__JAG Office  
_That Monday they both were very busy and hardly had time to wave to each other. On Tuesday morning though Harm knocked on Mac's door. When she looked up he flashed her a smile. "What about having lunch together?" he suggested.  
Mac nodded cheerfully. "Sounds like a plan. See you at 12.30?" Harm readily agreed and disappeared into his own office again.  
So at 12.40 they were sitting at one of the little tables in the JAG building's garden, both munching a sandwich and nursing an iced tea. But despite the tasty food, nice weather and familiar surroundings Mac was nervous and she could see Harm was ill at ease as well. Silence ruled for a while, both thinking about how to proceed.  
Food and drinks halfway gone Harm opened his mouth. "I really enjoyed out time together this weekend." Mac nodded. She had, too.  
"But?" she asked, sensing there was more to come.  
"Things have happened in the past."  
"True," Mac agreed.  
"We talk," Harm suggested nervously. The hesitation and insecurity sounding in his voice were so unusual for the confident and even a bit cocky aviator that Mac had to bite back a smile. But since he was right and she was very grateful he had bitten the bullet, she quickly refocused.  
"I've been thinking about that, too. I agree we have to talk. But not right away. I think we should take things slow. Start hanging out like we used to do. But if something happens …" she trailed for a moment, rearranging her thoughts. "I mean, there will be things that remind us of the past. Things associated with the events we have to talk about. Until now we just dodged and acted like nothing has happened. Maybe this time we shouldn't. Just talk about things when the occasion occurs."  
Harm slowly nodded. "Sounds like a plan. I really like the idea of being friends again. And…" He didn't finish that sentence.  
"And?" Mac asked after some moments.  
"Nothing," was the a bit too quick answer.  
Mac was disappointed but decided to let it slip.  
Harm looked at his watch and drained his tea. "I have to go to my office. I have a phone call coming in at13.15."  
"I'll clear away the dishes," Mac volunteered and started gathering. With a smile he was on his way.  
When Mac walked back to her office, she contemplated Harm's words and in particular the sentence he hadn't finish. It looked like despite his words about talking together he was already slipping into his old habits. Like not talking or just hinting and leaving it to her to fill the gaps. And she was no mind reader, nor had she the desire to become one. Taking her seat behind her desk once again, it suddenly dawned to her she was doing the same. Slipping into old habits, that is. Or better said, stepping into old traps. In her case jumping to conclusions. What if he had decided it wiser not to voice his thoughts yet? After all, there were several ways to finish that sentence. And it had been her who suggested taking things slow, hadn't it? Maybe he hadn't finished because he didn't want to push things. Baby steps would have to do the trick. Happy with the conclusion she reached, she decided to let it rest. One step at the time.  
A little 'ping' alerted her an e-mail had arrived. Opening it it turned out to be from Harm.  
_Hi Mac, we decided to take things slow but didn't discuss the next step. How about movie night on Friday? Renovation this weekend went well, but there is still a lot to do, so we decided to continue tomorrow evening and next weekend as well. Lia is doing much better but she is not out of the woods yet. She has to stay in hospital for at least one more week and probably the rest of her pregnancy. Between work, caring for little Harry and visiting Lia, Gerwin will have little to no time on his hands to do odd jobs and it would be a great relieve to them if the house would be finished. What do you say? Harm.  
_Mac smiled. It had been the right decision to set her worries aside. _Friday it is_ she typed and hit the send button. 

_Thursday September 12__th__  
Bethesda Hospital  
10.00am  
_Mac rapped her fingers on the doorpost of the hospital room. There was no answer. She poked her head around the door. The bed was empty. It seemed her witness was gone. With a frown Mac turned to the nurse's desk.  
"Can I ask where sergeant DeWitt is?" she asked. The nurse looked up. "They took him for a scan," she answered. Mac suppressed a sigh. So much for a change to speak with her man.  
"Do you know what time he will be back?" The nurse checked her computer. "In about an hour, ma'am," she told Mac.  
"Thanks," Mac nodded and walked away. So she had about an hour to kill; it wasn't worth driving back to the office. Too bad she didn't bring another file with her to keep her occupied. Maybe a cup of coffee in the cafeteria would do her good. On her way her eye fell on the sign 'Maternity Ward'. That brought her mind to the DIY job Harm and his buddies were working on. Wasn't Bethesda also the hospital Lia Overs was in?  
She changed directions and at the ward she approached a nurse. "Is Lia Overs in here?" The nurse nodded. "Room 2," she replied. A bit hesitant Mac headed for room 2. Lia didn't know her at all; maybe she didn't want an unfamiliar visitor. In the room there were only two beds occupied. According to the list Lia was in bed 6. She walked over and the women looked surprised at her.  
"Hello, I'm Lieutenant Colonel MacKenzie" Mac introduced herself. "My friend…" Jeeez, she hadn't thought about how to define her relationship with Harm. "My friend Harm is helping your husband with the renovations."  
The other woman relaxed and smiled. "I'm very happy with that."  
"I know you don't know me but maybe you like some company for a little while?"  
Lia nodded. "I would like that. I don't know many people around here. We only moved a couple of weeks ago. Most women I know are from Harry's day care."  
Mac took a seat. "It is hard to make new friends," she agreed. "Do you have any hobbies so you can meet new people?"  
The women chatted happily for almost fifty minutes till Mac's inner clock warned her her witness would be back in his room any moment. "I have to go," she said. Lia looked a bit glum. "I'll be back," Mac promised her, rising to her feet. "Can I bring you something, then?"  
The other woman laughed. "Maybe some trashy novels to read. That is, if you have some to lend. You don't need to buy me new ones. Gerwin is a darling but the books he brings me!" She shuddered demonstratively.  
Mac laughed as well. "I will do that." With a final wave she was out of the room and on her way to her witness. Later that evening she would put a few booklets in her briefcase, she promised herself. She had quite a stash, hidden in a box in her wardrobe. One of her little sins and not very marine-like but nevertheless she loved to read them.

_You might have noticed I posted in time with the timeline of the story so next post is planned for October 9__th__._


	3. A bump in the road

_**3 A bump in the road  
**_

_Thursday October 9__th__  
Mac's office_  
"Hi" Harm poked his head in.  
She looked up with a smile. "Hi yourself."  
"Just wanted to know whether you have plans for the weekend?"  
"Nope. Except for the groceries and a bit of cleaning. You?"  
In fact, Mac hoped he hadn't. The renovation of Gerwin and Lia's house was completed but the previous two weekends either Harm or she herself had been on an investigation. She really wanted to spend some time with him.  
And he hadn't. Plans, that is. Or he had, depending on your point of view.  
"I was thinking, doing our chores Saturday morning and in the afternoon we take a little trip. Enjoy the autumn leaves. Pick up some pumpkins. And on Sunday we have ourselves a little pumpkin carving party." He looked at her with puppy eyes. "Weather forecasts are good for the weekend."  
Mac wasted no time accepting. "Sounds good to me. You're picking me up?"  
"Sure. 1pm good?"  
She nodded gleefully.  
"Right. It's a date then." He gave her a smile and pulled his head back.  
It only hit her when he was out of sight. 'It's a date' he had said. A date! Did he consider this a date? Did he think about dating her? Forcefully she put her mind to ease. No jumping to conclusions.  
Little did she know Harm was walking back to his office hoping she had missed the slip. A date. He wished! 

_Saturday October11__th_  
At 13.00 sharp he knocked on her door. Mac had been ready for almost an hour; not that she was going to tell him. With a smile she opened the door.  
"Your carriage is waiting, my lady," he announced with a dashing bow. She laughed when she took the proffered arm and allowed him to lead her to his corvette.  
The ride north was filled with amiable chatting and singing along with the radio.  
"Where are we going?" she asked after half an hour.  
"To Butler's Orchard in Germantown," Harm told her. "Going to pick our pumpkins. They have a bakery and a farmers' market as well."  
"Going to pick our pumpkins?"  
"Yup. Butler's Orchard is a family business. They started growing and selling peaches on a small part of land but now they earn around 250 acres, growing several kinds of fruits. Depending on what time of the year you can pick strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, peas, cherries, red raspberries, apples or pumpkins and in December you can cut your own Christmas tree. In the autumn they make quite a show out of their pumpkins, creating Pumpkinland. According to their website it's a display of fairy tale characters built out of pumpkins. They have a farm market, too, as well as a bakery."  
Mac licked her lips. 

_12.45  
Sunday October12__th  
__Mac's apartment_  
Humming Mac cleared away her plate and mug and started to set the table. Carving pumpkins it would be that afternoon and she looked forward to it. She covered the tabletop with a plastic sheet, placed a bucked for the guts on the table and laid out some carving tools and a black marker to draw the scary faces. The four pumpkins were sitting on her balcony, awaiting their fate.  
At 13.00 Harm arrived. He carried a casserole he placed in her fridge and Mac drooled in advantage. A casserole, or any dish for that matter, prepared by Harm guaranteed a good meal and she loved home cooked meals, providing she wasn't the one to have to make them. Next to that he produced three containers. "Pumpkin soup," he announced at her asking look.  
Then they discussed the afternoon. First they would remove the seeds and the pumpkin flesh, next they would have tea and then the real carving would start.  
After an hour and a half of hard work they sat with their tea and talked about how to carve their pumpkins.  
"Do you know why they carve pumpkins?" Mac wanted to know.  
"It has something to do with an Irish legend about a guy called Jack, who fooled the devil and tricked him into promising he, Jack that is, would never go to hell. But when Jack finally died heaven refused him as well. In the end, he was given a lump of burning coal by the devil to light his way through purgatory. Jack carried the coal inside a hollowed out turnip. People in Ireland began to put carved out turnips in their windows to prevent Jack and other ghouls from entering their homes. Some had scary faces carved into them to frighten away any comers. Once the tradition hit the United States, Irish immigrants soon realized that the pumpkins are ideal for carving, so that's why."  
Mac smiled; leave it to Harm to dive into every subject. They both grabbed a marker and started to design. While working Mac's thoughts went on about fear and chasing away.  
"Funny how people always try to repel their fear by some kind of magical act or object."  
"Yes," Harm nodded. "But how many people still know why we carve pumpkins?"  
"Not many, I think," Mac agreed. "We use different methods like special food in order not get cancer and things like that." She carefully cut out a smirking mouth.  
"What is your biggest fear?"  
Harm stopped carving and thought. "I think it's losing control. In my world, when you lose control you die. But maybe the fear of getting too involved. I mean, the more you are involved, the more you love, the harder a loss hits you. Like my dad." He smiled wistfully. "But lately I realized keeping your distance can cause you to lose as well and that that doesn't hurt less. And you?" After all, she started the discussion, now he was entitled to ask her the same question, wasn't he?  
"I think it is being alone. Left over. Not belonging. Never having my own family. The way I felt most of my life," Mac said. She felt her throat tighten. "Mic told me once that was why I was with him. The fear of being alone." She sighed. "Maybe he was right."  
"It's no shame to want to belong to," Harm softly said. "Or longing for a partner." 

That evening Mac sat on the couch in front of the fire, pondering the day. It had felt o good to do something together. She had two, more or less scary, jack-o'-lanterns to prove how productive they had been and Harm had left her two containers soup in the freezer and the leftovers of the casserole in the fridge to eat tomorrow. She smiled at the thought.  
And what was more, they had talked. Really talked. True to their decision a few weeks earlier, they both had made an effort not to duck hard subjects any more. It turned out they had talked about some minor issues, but, as if by agreement, had left the bigger ones untouched. For the time being, that is.  
Today it was the first time they tackled something major.  
Maybe because they hadn't talked-talked. Not have decided to talk or sitting down and … Slowly it dawned to her. There was no use in wanting Harm to sit down and talk. That wasn't the kind of man Harm was. He had stated his intention not to avoid questions anymore and over the last weeks he had proven to be true to his word. Mac al but snorted at her own thoughts. Harm was an honest man. His promise was sacred to him. Of course he would honour their decision to talk.  
This brought another realisation. She herself had to decide how to continue now. The female approach 'let's sit and talk about it' did not work. That much was clear. Maybe she had to think about a different method. What had been different today?  
She rose to pour herself another drink.  
They had been busy and the question had been ... kind of casual. He hadn't looked at her when he answered, his focus still on carving his pumpkin. Nor had he as much as glanced at her when he returned the question.  
Yes, maybe that was the trick. Talk when they were busy doing something else. Talk like it was a casual thing. 

_Sunday October19__th__  
_The next weekend Mac put her theory to the test. The previous evening they had decided both of their cars could use a good scrub and she had come to his place, or better, his garage. While soaping his corvette she casually asked. "Do you ever wish you could expunge things? Like they never happened?"  
"Yes. Of course there are things."  
"Like Sidney, you mean?"  
"Yes, like Sidney." There was an undertone of tension in his voice but she ignored it.  
"Why? What were you thinking back then?"  
"I don't know." It sounded dissuading.  
"But certainly you must have an idea …"  
"I said I don't know," he snapped, turning his back on her. A second later he excused himself to get a bucket of clean water. 

Despite both's effort to act like nothing had happened the rest of that afternoon had been awkward and Mac left earlier than she normally would. When she closed the door of her apartment behind her she had to force herself to keep from crying. In stead she brought the cups and saucers still standing on the side table to the kitchen and placed then in the dishwasher. She fluffed up the pillows and put the book Harm had been reading at its rightful place at the shelf. A few small items reminding her at him went into a box in the closet.  
Suddenly she stopped with what she was doing. What was she doing? Erasing him out of her home? Out of her life?  
Mac nearly choked when she realized she was exactly doing that. She flopped down on a chair and hid her face in her hands. Now she couldn't stop the tears. What was she doing?  
But it didn't take long before she straightened herself and began to think. The previous Sunday had gone so well. Also in the talking department. Resting her chin into her hands she remembered her resolution not to force him and in stead create opportunities to talk casual. She willed back the tears. And what _had_ she done? She had raided him with her questions. After all, they had agreed to talk about issues when the occasion arose. No sitting and talking. No interrogations. But that had been precisely what she had done. She had pushed him to talk. Out of the blue she had brought up the subject, the subject she _knew_ was still a raw spot.. There was no way had would have been able to see it coming. Despite her decision to be patient and give him space, she had pushed him again. No wonder he felt ambushed.  
It was her who could not accept that he wasn't able to talk on command. That he once more, despite his promise, had walked away. That he was human. 

_Monday 20__th__ October  
JAG Office_  
The next day Mac was early. She really wanted to apologise. But despite her efforts she was too late. Walking towards his office she was stopped by Tiner, telling her Harm was at an investigation.  
Mac nodded shortly, thanking him for giving the message. She didn't want Tiner to see how disappointed she was. After all, she had no right to be disappointed, had she? It was not as if they had an appointment or so. Inside her office she dropped her briefcase and pegged her coat and cover. She sat herself and reached for the first file. It was only then that she realized a letter was waiting for her on her desk. For a moment she chilled. She recognized the handwriting. Harm's. What if he had decided it wasn't worth the effort after all? With trembling fingers she pulled the letter out of its envelope.  
_Dear Mac.  
I'm so sorry about yesterday. I know I promised you that I was done avoiding questions and that I would talk. And still I snapped at you when you asked a simple question. Something you have all the right to know. After all, Sidney is a major point in our relation. But is also still a very soar spot in my heart. As I can imagine in yours, too.  
The thing is: I really don't know. I still haven't figured out why I turned you down back then. Believe me, I have gone over that night more times I can, and wish to, remember. It certainly was not because I didn't want you. Maybe I wanted you too much and was afraid to jump to the occasion, I don't know.  
Anyway, I just wanted to apologize for yesterday.  
Harm._  
Mac felt the tears sting. When she had composed herself, she grabbed the phone. She needed to talk to him.  
But luck was not with her and she was directed straight to his answering machine.

_Same evening  
Outside Harm's apartment_  
So she had been sitting here for 35 minute now, according to her internal clock, gathering courage to get out the car and walk to his door. It was like the car had brought her there on its own accord.  
Finally she stepped out and with lead in her shoes climbed the stairs. There was no sound from inside his apartment. She knocked. And again. She heard footsteps coming closer and then the door opened. Mac swallowed.  
Harm hadn't expected a visitor and was flabbergasted to see his partner on the doormat.  
"Can I come in?"  
"Of course." He stepped aside.  
Inside Mac turned to him, nervously fidgeting her hands. "Harm, I'm sorry. We agreed to talking but not to interrogating. We said we would take it slow and not push each other and pushing was exactly what I did yesterday. I more or less ambushed you with my questions and I'm so sorry. It wasn't you who didn't keep your side of the bargain, it was me." She hung her head.  
In the meantime Harm had recovered and now took two steps to stand in front of her. With one finger under her chin he tipped her face so she had to look at him.  
"It's true I felt ambushed but I felt guilty as well. For not answering and snapping at you and mostly for what I did back then. Even though I still haven't figured out what kept me from saying yes, I should have been clearer in asking you for more time back then. Clearer in telling you it wasn't you but me. I am sorry. You had the right to ask."  
Mac bit her lip to stop it from trembling. Without thinking she pulled him in a hug which he gladly returned.  
When they finally slowly released each other he gave her a smile.  
"You want a cup of tea?"  
Mac nodded, grateful he made sure the situation wasn't turning awkward once more. When they both held a mug he returned to the point, though.  
"About Sidney…"  
She stopped him "Harm, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. You already told me, in your letter and now."  
He slowly nodded. "Okay. Maybe later. But there is one other thing I would give everything for to get it expunged."  
Mac didn't understand.  
"I mean my comment just before the JAG-athon. About anyone involved with you …"  
Mac's face dropped. That one had hit her hard. Despite her resolution not to ask she whispered "Why did you say it?"  
"I felt terrible. And I just wanted to lash out."  
"Make me feel the same pain?"  
He nodded mutely.  
"Did you really feel dead? I mean, I know we were not involved …" Her voice trailed. She didn't know whether that was completely true. After all, their friendship had been closer than many a relation and there was that 'thing' between them.  
"Yes, no… I don't know. I guess not since when I felt like being dead, our estrangement hadn't hurt that much."  
They looked at each other; neither knew what to say.  
"We hurt each other a lot," Mac stated eventually. "Do you think we can get past it?" It was the ten-million question and she awaited his answer with anxious anticipation. If he said no, what use was there in trying to regain their friendship? Wasn't the attempt doomed to fail then?  
Harm thought. Could they?  
"Yes," he finally answered. "It's won't be easy; yesterday showed us that. Sidney isn't the only gorilla in the room. I … this past six weeks we spent hanging out. Getting used to each other again, so to say. I think we are now are ready for the real test."  
"Talk-talk you mean?"  
"Yes. But I don't know how. I mean, I don't know …" he shook his head helplessly.  
"How to start the discussion without one of us being pushy or feeling ambushed or so uncomfortable he or she shuts down?"  
"Yes."  
"Maybe …" slowly Mac started to make Harm privy to the discovery she made a week ago. When she was finished he nodded pensively.  
"That might work. But there needs to be room for a time-out."  
"Like ... when one of us is not ready to answer or doesn't know how you can ask for a time-out but have to come back to the subject later on?"  
"That's what I meant."  
He turned towards her. "Mac, I'm prepared to do whatever it takes. I want our friendship back; I want 'us' back. You know I never make a promise without intention to keep it."  
Mac knew and she nodded silently. A memory to an earlier promise flashed through her mind but it was way too early in their renewed relation to bring that one up. In stead she took his hands and squeezed them.  
"Me too, me too." 


	4. Don't cry

_**Part 4: Don't cry**__  
_

_First week of November  
Evening  
_Mac and Harm were enjoying a movie when there was knock on the door. Harm frowned; he didn't expect anyone and he didn't want to give up his comfortable spot on the couch with Mac curled up next to him. But the knocking went on, so he grabbed the remote to freeze the movie before he walked to the door and opened it. At his doorstep stood a little girl, about eight years of age. A few steps behind her was her mother.  
"Sir, do you want to buy a lottery ticket?" the girl asked  
Harm looked surprised. "Hi, Miranda? It is Miranda, isn't it?" he greeted the girl whom he recognized as living in the building next door. "What lottery tickets?"  
"For the Brownies," Miranda said. "For new material. We all sell tickets and the one selling the most gets a prize." She was clearly eager to win.  
Harm chuckled. "And what can I win?" he wanted to know.  
"First prize is a dollhouse and there are books and all kinds of stuff," she informed him.  
"That's great. Guess I have to buy some tickets then," Harm played along. "What do they cost?"  
"Two dollar or three for five dollar. You have to write your name down here." the girl showed him. "And if you win I will tell you."  
"Well, you give me six tickets then," Harm said, walking over to his coat to retrieve his wallet, "And then you can write my name down."  
"And six for me, too," Mac chimed in, reaching for her purse.  
Miranda happily filled in the names and handed them the tickets, once more promising to let them know if they had won something.  
Door closed again Harm and Mac returned to their movie.

_Tuesday November 25  
Admiral's office  
_"Well done, folks," the Admiral expressed his satisfaction. "You nailed the bastard. I have every faith in him having to serve a long time."  
Both Harm and Mac nodded. Ensign Rodgers had assaulted at least four women and they all were happy he was off the streets now.  
"That's all," Chegwidden ended the conversation. Harm and Mac came to attention and then were about to exit the room.  
"Commander, a moment please." The Admiral's voice kept Harm from leaving the room.  
"Yes Sir"  
Chegwidden waited till the door was closed behind Mac's back.  
"I noticed the Colonel and you are on much closer foot again, lately."  
Harm nodded "Yes Sir."  
"I won't say I'm unhappy about the developments, as long as it stays out of the office, but I have one thing to say to you: don't make her cry again or you have to answer me! Am I clear?"  
Harm swallowed. "Crystal, Sir." With a crisp turn around he made his way out as well.

_Thursday November 27  
Thanksgiving evening  
_Coming back from an investigation Mac and Harm rushed into his loft. They had only a small amount of time to get ready and be on their way to the annual Thanksgiving dinner at the Robert's. While Harm collected his clothes, Mac hopped in and out the shower and quickly changed into the dress she had selected. Then it was Harm's turn to shower, run a razor over his face and dress. Within 15 minutes they were en route again. Suddenly Mac made an annoyed sound. Harm raised his brows. "What?"  
"I forgot my stuff at your place and I will need to go over some things later this evening. I have an interview early tomorrow morning and won't be in the office till noon."  
Harm shrugged. "Guess we will have to drive by my place before I bring you home."

As always Harriet had outdone herself and the food was delicious. After the first two courses, the Admiral rose and clunked his spoon against his glass. "People, I like to say something. We all know it's our custom and a tradition to each name a thing we are grateful for. Behind us lies an eventful year and we have many things to be grateful for, to begin with that Commander Rabb is still amongst us." He nodded at Harm. "But I would suggest we all choose a small thing, an every day thing, one of those little blessings we so lightly forget."  
One by one each shared a particular thing he or she was grateful for.  
Then it was Harm's turn to reveal what he was thankful of. He had given it some thought, wanting it not to obvious and at the same time clear enough for Mac what he meant. "I'm grateful for pendants," he shared, receiving puzzled looks. He didn't elaborate though and only gave Mac a warm smile. He was shocked; there were tears glistening in the corners of her eyes.  
Mac was shocked as well. It was true she was wearing the little pendant he gave her that day in September. Actually she was wearing it a lot. The first weeks to remind herself of his promise to restore their friendship, but also to remind herself of her decision not to jump to conclusions. Small steps were steps as well, as long as they went into the right direction. Later wearing his necklace felt like wearing his ring, maybe a friendship ring for now but still … She knew he would never buy her a friendship's ring, not after she had worn Mic's ring on her right hand for so long. But she never had thought he had noticed her wearing the pendant; he had never commented on it.  
Mac was the last to tell where she was grateful for. "It might not be a small thing after all," she said "But since a few weeks Harm and I know a couple, Gerwin and Lia. Lia is pregnant and in hospital due to preeclampsia. This afternoon I had a message on my answering machine that they had healthy baby girl this morning. Harm and I are invited to go and visit her this weekend."  
Hearing this Harm grinned from ear to ear. Then he frowned "She wasn't due yet, was she?"  
Mac shook her head "No, they decided to do a caesarean section. They feared the baby was in distress again. But all went well."  
Dinner over Mac wandered through the rooms, ending in the study. Suddenly she found herself standing at the window, looking into the dark, feeling incredibly sad. It was like the weight of the whole year, the good and the bad piled upon her. The stress of her wedding, the tension between Harm and her. Harm's plunge into the ocean and the fear of not seeing him back. The way she was able to locate him and his rescue. The cancellation of the wedding, Mic leaving. Indonesia and Lylyana. Their fight on the Guadalcanal. The JAGathon and now their coming back to friendship.  
Harm was finished carrying plates and bowls to the kitchen and saw her standing. She looked so lonely that he didn't think and walked straight over, stood behind her and slowly wrapped her in his arms. She didn't hug him back, just closed her eyes and leaned against him. They stood until Mac heaved a sigh and looked up to him with her big brown eyes. "Thanks, I needed that."  
"What happened?"  
"Nothing, just ... so much happened this year." His arms tightened momentarily but he didn't ask further. Their eyes locked and it was like she was sucked into the blue depths.  
Then Harriet called the coffee was ready and the moment was gone.  
Soon afterwards the Admiral called it a day, pointing out g they had to work the following day and everyone left for home.  
In the car a relaxed silence ruled. Neither felt the need to talk but after a while Mac said "I mentioned Gerwin and Lia's daughter but I want you to know I'm so grateful you took that step to take a d-tour back then in September. I'm very happy with our friendship. I …" she couldn't say she hoped for more, one day. She didn't have to. He just squeezed her hand. "Me too, Sarah, me too."

When they arrived at Harm's building and Mac went up with him to pick up her things, there was a large box sitting next to his door. Curiously Harm turned it so he could see the picture on the front.  
It was a dollhouse kit and attached to it was a small note in a little girl's handwriting telling him he had won first prize in the Brownies' lottery that afternoon. Harm chuckled. He had no intention whatsoever to play with dolls or dollhouses.  
"Guess I better give this to Miranda," he said over his shoulder to Mac. There was no answer and Harm turned around. He was surprised to see the wistful look in her eyes. Slowly Mac stroked the box with her fingers. 'On second thought, guess not' Harm thought.  
"Or we can keep it; if you like it …?" he offered. Mac looked up, hopefully.  
"Do you mean …?"  
Harm nodded. "It will take some time and work but assembling can be our winter project." He raised his eyebrows.  
To his shock he saw tears in Mac's eyes before she nodded and gave him a quick fierce hug.  
"I would love that." She sniffled and rubbed her eyes. "Damp squib, you make me cry again."  
He was very silent when he drove her home.

_Friday morning  
JAG Office  
_Harm was late and disappeared right into his office, which didn't go unnoticed by Mac. She frowned. Something was troubling him and she hadn't the faintest idea what it was. An hour later he still hadn't shown up for a cup of coffee and she decided to pay him a visit.  
Without knocking she entered his office and was surprised when she caught him doing nothing.  
"You alright, Harm?" She was not able to keep the concern out of her voice.  
"I'm fine," he reacted, a tad to quickly.  
He seemed to avoid her eyes but before she could ask further Tiner knocked on the doorpost to warn them staff meeting would start in a minute.  
After the usual load of new cases the Admiral had a last announcement to make. "And now", he announced, "There is a TAD in California, three months. Any volunteers?" Harm, sitting next to Mac, looked up. For a moment Mac had the sinking feeling he was going to volunteer and she did the only thing she could think of. She kicked him against the ankle, hard. Harm couldn't help flinching and immediately the Admiral's eyes were focused on him. "You, Commander?" he asked raising an eyebrow.  
Harm shook his head. "No Sir."

They both had a lot to do that day and it wasn't before half past five Mac had the opportunity to talk to him again. Unannounced she entered his office, carrying two cups of coffee, and seated herself in the visitor's chair. He kept his attention focused on the file in front of him and for a moment there was an awkward silence. Mac finally took the plunge.  
"Did you think of taking that TAD to California this morning?"  
Harm took a deep breath. "Yes, for moment I thought about it."  
Mac inhaled sharply. "Why?" she whispered. "Do you want to leave …?" She let her sentence unfinished, not able to utter the words 'leave me'.  
He turned abruptly towards her. "No!" He swallowed. "But I thought it was for the best. That you are better off without me. When I keep on making you cry …"  
Mac choked on her coffee, all but spluttering it over his desk. "Keep on making me cry?" What the h*** are you talking about?"  
Harm hung his head. "You remember Tuesday the Admiral wanted to speak me alone after we briefed him on the Rodgers-case? After her nod he continued "He warned me not to hurt you. If I ever made you cry again I had him to answer to. But I did." He sounded disgusted with himself. "I made you cry again, twice, only two days later."  
Mac almost forcefully placed her cup on the table. She couldn't sit still so she started pacing in front of him. "Damn! You're an idiot, Harmon Rabb, a downright fool! How can you be so stupid! I was _not_ crying. If you really want to make me cry, go and take that TAD, you … you moron!" She took a deep breath, now calmed down enough to sit down once more. "Harm, I wasn't crying, not in hurt, that is. I was crying because I was touched. Both by your words at the dinner table and by your suggestion to make that dollhouse for me. Since I was a little girl I wanted a dollhouse." She took another breath. "I used to walk by a toy shop on my way to school and linger to look at the dollhouse in the window. I imagined the doll family living in there, just a happy little family." She bit her lip, trying not to let herself be sucked into the memories of her wrecked childhood. "When I grew up, that dream of my own dollhouse was stuck away deep at the back of my mind; I told myself I was an adult, too old for dollhouses. And then you offered me to make that dream come true after all …" now she couldn't help the tears from welling up once more.  
Harm wanted to pull her into his arms but remembered they both were in uniform and in the office and not allowed such displays of affection. In stead he took her hands and squeezed them. "I'm sorry, Mac. I wasn't thinking straight. I hardly slept last night; I just kept hearing the Admiral's words and seeing the tears in your eyes. I'm so sorry." His eyes pleaded her to forgive him.  
She gave him a watery smile. "So you're not leaving?"  
"No. I will go if it were my orders but I won't volunteer. Leaving you is the last thing I want to do," he vowed.

Later that evening there was a knock on her apartment's door. When Mac went to answer, she found a delivery boy standing there, carrying a huge bouquet of flowers. Attached was a small note saying "I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking. H."  
Mac smiled. She headed for the kitchen to retrieve a vase and placed the flowers on the coffee table, softly caressing the petals of a rose.


	5. A new baby and a new house

**A new baby and a new house**

_Saturday  
November 29th  
_Today was the day they would meet little Miss Overs for the first time. As agreed Harm picked up Mac at 10.00 and at 10.30 they were in a baby shop debating the merits of little clothes versus toys. While Harm was in favour of a stuffed animal Mac opted for a couple of cute little dresses. "They probably have stuff and toys from Harry," she argued "but this one is a little girl."  
'She had a point there,' Harm thought. "I'll buy a train then, for Harry," he stated. "He should not be forgotten."  
Mac laughed out loud. "You only say that because you want to buy a train," she teased. Harm opted for the fifth, knowing she was right.  
After paying for their purchases they headed to a café to have some lunch. However, at 13.15 Harm wanted to leave and ushered her to the car.  
"It's a bit too early to go to hospital," Mac thought. "Lia and the baby are probably taking a nap now."  
Harm nodded. "Yes. But I want to take you somewhere else first," he said, steering the car in a different direction. It didn't take long before he stopped at a mall. Mac was very curious and tried to find out where they were going but he only smiled secretively. Inside the mall he led her to a special shop and Mac gasped. _My Little World_ it was called and inside … Mac didn't know where to look first or last. She was like a kid in a toy store, except this was a dollhouse shop! Harm sported a grin from ear to ear. 'A bit of surfing on the internet did pay off,' he thought, 'she loves it!'  
A sales woman approached them. "Can I help you? Are you looking for something specific?"  
Harm turned around. "We were just looking for information," he answered. "I won a doll house kit just two days ago."  
The woman smiled brightly. "You will find a whole new world here," she promised. She led Harm to a counter with booklets. "What dollhouse did you win?" Harm let his eyes wander through the shop. "That one," he said pointing at a Georgetown Dollhouse Kit. "It's still in the box though."  
"Well, it comes with a good description how to assemble it," the woman told him. "But then you have to choose what you want. Not only how to decorate the outside. But, do you want illumination? And if so, what kind of illumination? Illumination goes in before decorating. Then you will have to choose a style of furniture. Do you already have some stuff? Some people do, you know, having things from their childhood and looking for a matching dollhouse now. Do you want to make furniture yourself, either from a kit of from scrap, or do you want to buy all things new? I have to warn you; that can be pretty expensive."  
By now Mac was standing next to them. "I want a cosy house," she declared. "With some antiques and some new stuff, like there's been a family living there for generations." She looked a bit shyly to Harm. "That is, if it's ok with you."  
"Of course it is. It's your dollhouse."  
The woman rummaged through the booklets. "Let me give you some information. This is a booklet about how to make illumination. And this is a catalogue about furniture kits. We have catalogues with wallpapers and readymade furniture as well. If you want to make things yourself, we have a stack of books over there," she pointed out.  
Harm flipped through the books and thought they could be useful. I think I take this," he said holding up the one about illumination. "And the catalogues about furniture and furniture kits. We are not there yet, but it can give us some ideas."  
Mac beamed. "Can we have a look over there, too?" she begged, looking with longing eyes to the displays of all kinds of miniatures.  
"We do have a small exhibition upstairs," the saleswoman added. "A small town of dollhouses." Mac's eyes lit up.  
Harm laughed. "I'm sure this isn't the last time we'll be here," he said. "You can go and look either at the exhibition or at the furniture. Then we have a new-born to visit."  
With a last longing glance at the stairs Mac decided to choose the furniture. Slowly she walked by the display cases with little beds, chairs, tables and everything you would need in a house. "Too bad you can't touch them," she sighed. She pointed to a cute rocking chair. "I want that one," she told the saleswoman, who hastened to pick the item from the shelves behind the counter. Harm coughed. "We have to go now," he warned. He handed his booklets over to the lady as well and pulled out his wallet to pay. 

It was 15.15 when they entered the hospital. Mac led the way to the maternity ward and checked with the nurse whether Lia was still in the same room.  
Lia was sitting propped against the pillows, glowing with happiness. Gerwin was sitting next to her, looking very proud.  
Mac hugged Lia. "I'm so happy for the two of you. In the meantime Harm shook Gerwin's hand.  
The baby was asleep in a little room next door, by a window. "Isn't she beautiful?" Lia beamed. "I'm sorry you can't hold her yet. Due to the preeclampsia they brought the delivery forward, so she is a bit small and needs some extra care."  
Mac and Harm took a chair. "She is lovely," Mac agreed and Harm nodded. "What did you name her?"  
"Her name is Marilyn. Well actually ...," Lia seemed a bit nervous and Mac gave her a reassuring smile. Lia took a deep breath. "When I was admitted to the hospital I was very worried. Not only because of the baby but because of the house as well. With Harry to take care of and …"  
Gerwin stepped in grinning. "What Lia tries to say without hurting my feelings is that I'm not a very good handyman. At best renovating would have taken half a year."  
Lia nodded "Yes, I was worried about the renovation as well. When all you guys stepped in and helped us out we decided to honour you with naming our son after you. Well not all of you, just picking the name we liked best."  
"But you have a little daughter," Mac said a bit flabbergasted.  
"Yeah, and that was a big surprise for us, too. All echoes pointed towards a boy. But she turned out to be a girl so we had to rethink about the name. And since you gave so much of your time visiting me we decided to give her Sarah for a middle name in honour of all people helping us. I hope you don't mind."  
Now Mac was really speechless. When she found her voice back she whispered "I'm very honoured." She walked over to the window again and watched the sleeping little girl once more. She kept looking a bit longer to hide her emotions. Luckily Harm diverted the attention by presenting the gifts they bought. Gerwin and Lia were very pleased with the little clothes and Gerwin assured them Harry would be thrilled by his new train. The little boy was currently with his grandparents who had come over to meet their new granddaughter. After 15 more minutes Harm and Mac said their goodbyes and left, leaving Lia to rest.  
Leaving the hospital Mac couldn't help thinking about the baby deal she and Harm had made a few years earlier. A deal which had seemed null and void but now might be back in full force. She smiled wistfully. Little did she know Harm was thinking the same.  
They walked the park that surrounded the hospital.  
Despite her resolution not to talk about it Mac suddenly heard herself say "Do you ever think of our baby-deal anymore?"  
To her surprise he nodded "Yes, regularly."  
"But I thought … I thought we declared it null and void. I mean, after Mic and I …"  
Harm looked thoughtfully. "By then it was null and void," he agreed. "Remember what we agreed on. Five years from this moment if neither us are in a relationship, we go have ourselves a kid. And you were in a relationship."  
"You were, too," Mac reminded him.  
Harm pulled a face. "You're right. I _was _with Renée. But I knew it wasn't going to last. I couldn't see myself being married with her. She didn't want to have children and there were lots of other things we didn't agree on."  
"And now?"  
He looked at her.  
"I still want to honour it."  
"Even though it was on the spur of the moment?"  
"Yes."  
"Why?"  
"Because it still feels right."  
This silenced her. She had expected him to say 'because I promised'. But this was so much more. Harm in the meantime grew more and more nervous. After a while he couldn't bear the silence anymore.  
"And you?"  
Slowly Mac nodded. "We still have two years to go, but yes, me too."  
A couple of skateboarders raced by and Harm quickly wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her out of harm's way. The moment was gone and they walked on, Harm's arm still casually around her shoulder. A few steps later hers slipped equally casual around his waist.  
They reached the car and he let go of her.  
"Do you want to have diner somewhere?"  
"No," and seeing the disappointment on his face Mac quickly added "I made wraps early this morning, half meat, half veggie. I was thinking we could eat at my place and then go through the catalogues you bought."  
"Sounds like a plan," Harm laughed. 

After dinner Mac put the dishes and cutlery into the dishwasher and started making tea. Harm had offered to help her but she had brushed him off. She needed a moment private time. Her thoughts went a thousand miles per second. Images of the events of that afternoon tumbled over each other. The new baby, their talk about the baby deal, Harm pulling her away from the skateboarders, his arm around her shoulder, his disappointment when she didn't want to have dinner with him and his relief when she invited him for the evening. Could this be the moment to move their relation to the next level? She knew she was ready but was he? Over the past months they had discussed all their issues, the baby deal being the last one this afternoon. Well, maybe not discussed but she knew what she had wanted to know. That he was still in. Pouring the tea it occurred to her that once more the next step was up to her. To let him know she was willing to move on. The way he had been reacting that afternoon let her to believe he was, but that he was not sure about her. She nodded to herself; action it would be.  
Carrying the mugs to the living, she found Harm on the couch flipping through the catalogues. He looked up, smiled and tapped the couch beside him. She happily took her place and they spent the evening paging through the catalogues, Mac getting more and more exited, and plotting their next steps in making the dollhouse. Neither said it but somehow it felt like furnishing their own house.  
At 22.30 he announced it was time to go. Mac walked him to the door. Remembering her promise to herself she pulled him in a hug and gave him a peck on the cheek. He looked surprised but very pleased and was quick in returning the hug and the kiss. 


	6. Part 6: Client problems

_**Client problems  
**_

_6 December  
Sunday evening  
_Standing up Harm stretched his muscles. Almost 18:30; it was time to head to the airport to pick up Mac. She was due to arrive at 19:30 back from her weekend trip. God, he missed her, first her being away for a case, followed by attending a friend's wedding. To top that, he had been feeling unwell for some days and being confined to home, he had had plenty of time to think. But now that was all over and he whistled while he grabbed his keys, wallet and jacket and walked out the door.  
And there she was, accompanied by two other women wheeling their trolleys behind them. Even from this distance he could see the tension in her bearing. He saw her survey the crowd and made a step forwards to get into her line of sight. Her face lit up when she saw him and she almost made one of the other women trip over her trolley when she made a b-line for him and threw herself into his arms. Harm was most happy to comply, holding her tight and whispering "Missed me, huh" in her ear. She nodded and to his surprise and shock he felt the wetness of a tear.  
After some moments she had composed herself enough to turn in his arms and wave a goodbye to the other women who had been standing and watching them for a moment, their eyes bulging, and now were on their way to their connecting flights, throwing looks over their shoulders.  
Harm took Mac's trolley and wrapped an arm around her shoulder while they made their way to the exit.  
"You must be hungry, how about grabbing a bite?"  
Mac nodded.  
A visit to Beltway Burgers and a short ride later Harm carried Mac's trolley to her bedroom. Suddenly nervous she suggested "Why don't you make us a cup of tea while I change?" Dutifully Harm did as he was asked and minutes later they were on the couch, both nursing a mug of hot Lapsang souchong.  
"Want to share?" Harm finally asked.  
Mac shrugged, nodded hesitantly. She knew what he was referring to but feeling vulnerable she was not sure about how much she wanted to reveal.  
"It was all so … confusing. It … I … it makes me think back. Six months ago it was me who was supposed to walk that aisle. And then …" She didn't need to finish; Harm was well aware of the events back then. His face dropped. Mac knew instantly what he was thinking.  
"Stop thinking that. Although you contributed to what have happened, you are _not_ responsible for it. You wanted to keep your promise, you wanted to make it to my wedding, and you nearly died trying. The failure of that plane was not your fault. And neither was …" she paused to take a breath and collect her thoughts.  
"Harm, that night when we were waiting for news about the search for you, praying they would find you in time, I should have turned to Mic for comfort. But I didn't, I couldn't. I stood for the window, crying over you and I didn't allow Mic to comfort me, not even touch me. Harriet, Bud, the Admiral, Chloe, even Tiner, they were the people I felt connected with, not Mic. And after you were rescued and we knew you were most likely to recover completely, I couldn't make myself set another date for the wedding." She took another deep breath.  
"I had one or two sessions with a shrink after Indonesia. Admiral's orders. She told me that making no choice is a choice in itself. By not setting a new date, by even refusing to talk about it, _I_ made the choice not to marry Mic. However much I believed, wanted to believe he left me back then, it was in fact _me_ making the choice.  
This weekend there were all those questions. About what had happened, why I didn't marry after all? Ann told her friends the whole story. I didn't want to talk 'bout it and told them so but still they asked and I could feel their looks." Mac's voice sounded angry now. "You saw those two women I travelled with. The whole trip they kept nagging me. About what had happened and why and was I seeing someone now? Finally I told them I spend a lot of time with a handsome co-worker of mine." She glanced at his face, a bit shyly, but Harm's look was steady and completely focused. "I said you probably were not able to pick me up, being a bit under the weather. And there you were after all and I was so happy and relieved." The tears, already threatening to fall for some moments, were now cascading down her face. Harm pulled her towards him and started to say something but Mac stopped him with a small gesture of her hand. "Don't talk; just hold me for a moment, please."  
Which he did. 

_Saturday 12 December  
_It was the evening of the Justice and Navy Ball. But Harm wasn't there. He had to go to Norfolk to interrogate some witnesses. A young ensign Johnston was accused of gambling and it was on Harm to defend him.  
Mac sighed when she stood in front of her dresser to pick a gown for the evening. Her hand went to the red dress Harm and she had bought that September evening. But then she decided against it. First it was not really a gown, only reaching just over her knees. Secondly she didn't want to wear it now, not when she didn't know whether Harm would make it to the evening. She wanted to wear it for the first time when he could see her. With a shrug she made up her mind. A rich green it would be. Checking her internal clock she realized she had to hurry. The car the Admiral was sending for her would arrive in 20 minutes.  
In the mean time Harm was approaching Washington. The investigation hadn't taken as much time as he had feared and what was more, had yielded more information than expected. With a bit of luck he could get his client out with not more than a slap on the wrist. He checked his watch. Getting home, showering and changing in dress white, grabbing a few sandwiches ... he should be able to get to the ball only half an hour late.  
True to his calculations he arrived only 35 minutes late and showed his invitation to the guards. The valet took his car and inside an usher showed him where his table was. The Admiral, Sturgis and Bud and Harriet greeted him warmly. The Admiral requested a short briefing about his activities of the day but even while Harm told him, his eyes wandered the large room to find the one person he wanted to see most. After a few minutes his CO got pity on him and tilted his head, indicating the place Mac was standing wearing her dark green dress and wistfully gazing at the dancers. Harm never gave her a hint but secretly he was happy she wasn't wearing the red dress they bough together. He wanted her to wear that one when he could give her the earrings. He smiled and walked across the room.  
Mac jumped when hands slit over her bare arms, from her shoulders to her hands. She swiftly turned around to see who was taking liberties but her face lit up when she say Harm.  
"You made it!"  
Harm nodded happily. "Yes, the investigation went smoother than expected." At the sight of her beaming eyes he couldn't stop himself and gave her a soft quick kiss on the lips. "Want to dance?" Mac nodded wordlessly.  
Even though they both danced with one of their friends occasionally, most of the times they were in each other's arms. Their friends looked and smiled, happy they finally seemed to have it right. 

_Friday 18 December  
Harms apartment  
_Mac pushed her key in the lock of Harm's apartment, a bit unsure what she would find there. She knew that although it wasn't a major case he was working on, it was a tough one. Not because of the evidence or lack thereof. In fact Harm saw good chances to win or get his client out with just some minor punishment. But it was difficult because of said client. The young ensign was not cooperative, to say the least. In fact, he was not volunteering anything, no information, no nothing. Like he couldn't care less. He just sat there, hanging his head and being depressed. More or less like a zombie. It was not only making the case very hard for Harm; it was worrying him, too. More than he had expressed. That is, until the previous night. He had gotten into a ramble about it, pouring his thoughts and fears out. His main concern was that his client was going to take his own live. He had tried, in vain, to have him see a psychiatrist or at least the chaplain but his words had only been met with yet more silence.  
As soon as she was inside, Mac knew her premonitions had been right; there was no music, no whistling, shoulders slumped and head down Harm looked every inch as depressed as his client. He stood in front of the counter and was cutting a carrot, while the fragrance of a rich tomato sauce indicated one of his famous pasta dishes.  
For a second she was at loss as to what to do. Then she walked over and wrapped her arms around him, resting her head between his shoulder blades. She felt the tension in his muscles but he didn't turn around. Neither did he push her away so she stayed plastered to his back. When he finished cutting the carrot he slowly turned in her embrace and wrapped his arms loosely around her, resting his chin on her head. Slowly she could feel the tension seep away. Finally he gave her a faint smile and freed himself to put the pasta in the now boiling water.  
"Why don't you sit down and I'm there with tea in a minute?" he suggested. Mac nodded and sat herself on the couch, legs curled beneath her. She gratefully took the steaming mug from him and motioned him to sit next to her. He did but was not more talkative than he had been in the kitchen. She didn't push him.  
When the pasta was done he went to finish the cooking and they ate in relative silence, only making a small comment once in a while. It was not before they were sitting on the couch again, this time with a coffee that he started. "Mac, I know I promised you the weekend but would you mind if we …"  
"No," Mac interrupted him. "I don't mind if we visit your client once or twice."  
"How did you know I was going to ask that?" Harm asked surprised.  
She placed her hand on his cheek. "I know you," she simply said.  
Harm heaved a sigh. "You know, it's not as much the case as that boy. The case is pretty straightforward. A slap on the wrist at most. But Jonah is still so down. Too down I'm afraid. I'm really worried he might commit suicide." Mac nodded. He had told her all about it the previous evening. She snuggled in and he was most happy to draw her close, glad for her comfort.  
After a while he saw a soft smile playing around her lips. "What are you thinking about?" he wanted to know.  
Mac thought for a moment about how to put her thoughts into words. "I was thinking about how long a way we came," she finally started. "You know, in things like talking and trusting after we started to rebuild our friendship. It's only a few weeks ago that when I had asked you what was wrong you probably would have said 'nothing'. And I probably would have backed up and be unsatisfied because I knew you were lying or I would have kept pushing, causing you to go all defensive. But now I know in your own time you will talk and don't feel the need to push and you feel comfortable enough to talk. I'm happy with that. Us being that close again."  
Harm nodded. "You're right. I hadn't really noticed but it's true. And I like it, too. Very much." He pulled her in his embrace again, needing her by his side. 

Over the weekend Harm and Mac paid two visits to the jail where Harm's client was imprisoned. Both times Harm wasn't happy with what he saw. On Saturday he warned the officer on duty his client needed to be on suicide watch and needed to see a chaplain or a shrink or both, urgently. The officer refrained from talking back but it was clear he was not eager to obey. And indeed, when they dropped by at noon on Sunday nothing had been done. The officer defended himself by saying he had an ensign checking on Johnston every hour but the boy wasn't relocated into a cell with video surveillance. Neither had a chaplain or psychiatrist visited him. Harm was furious but didn't show it. In stead in an icy voice he again ordered to relocate Ensign Johnston and stood next to the officer when he made the calls to both a chaplain and a psychiatrist. Unfortunately neither could be reached and the officer all but smirked when he told Harm. He clearly thought Harm was exaggerating. Herm left telling him to make sure his orders would be executed that afternoon or he had him to answer to. Still he had his doubts …


	7. Not the Yuletid spirit

_**Not the yuletide spirit  
**_

_Monday 21 December  
19.00  
_It had been a day straight from hell. That morning Harm had been waiting for his client to be transported from the brig to the courtroom. Inside his family, parents as well as siblings and grandparents, had gathered to await the ruling. Time went by and there was neither word nor sight from the prisoner. Until the phone call came. Ensign Johnston had been found hanging in his cell. He had committed suicide.  
That had been the start of a hectic day. The family was brought into a separate room to hear the devastating news. His mother fainted; one of his grandmothers had to be brought to hospital because of what looked like a heart attack. In the meantime his dad had gone into a rage, yelling and cursing and acting out his anger on everyone close enough. It took three MP's to calm him down. Being his son's attorney Harm got the full force of his fury. The man accused him of murdering his son, demanding an investigation and his suspension, if not his immediate dishonourable demission.  
That investigation had started the same morning. Within hours it became clear that not only had ensign Johnston been found dead in his own cell, therefore he had not been relocated to a cell on suicide watch or with video monitoring, he hadn't had contact with a chaplain or psychiatrist either. Harm's orders had been ignored completely!  
The first interview with Harm completed, the Admiral had sent him home. There was nothing he could do anymore and Chegwidden had considered it wise to keep him out of the grieving family's sight.  
When Mac arrived at her place she found Harm there. The heating was off and lights were out even though it was after sundown and he sat on the couch, looking utterly defeated. The first thing she did was turn on the heat and as well as some lamps. Then she sat next to him, taking his hands and waiting for him to talk. But he only pulled her close and she was happy to give him whatever comfort she had to offer.  
It was not before they had eaten, Harm more pushing his food around on his plate than taking a bite, and were sitting on the couch once more that he was ready to talk and share what had happened that day. Mac already knew most of it but didn't interrupt. Then she had some information to add. Luckily the grandmother hadn't had a heart attack; it had been a bad case of hyperventilation. The officer who had ignored Harm's orders was confined to barracks pending the investigation. And Sturgis Turner was assigned to the case, with one of the younger lawyers on second chair.  
"I wished he had assigned you," Harm muttered, not happy with the Admiral's ruling.  
"I wanted that too, I even wanted to suggest that," Mac assured him, "but if I am the prosecutor I won't be allowed to discuss the matter with you and you need someone to talk to. Johnston's family is after you as well. As I accompanied you last weekend on your visits to the jail, I can testify you gave orders to have him under suicide watch and to get him a visit from the chaplain and a shrink, ASAP. I can't prosecute and take the stand at the same time."  
Harm nodded; he knew the Admiral was right. He rubbed his temples. "I must be really tired," he said "Not to realize that."  
Mac squeezed his hand. He fell silent again. After a while she stood up to bring the mugs to the kitchen. "Do you want more tea?" Harm shook his head. "No thanks."  
When she returned she didn't sit on the couch again; instead she walked behind him and placed her hands on his shoulders. He winced and she winced with him, feeling the numerous knots in his muscles. Slowly she started to work on them but soon realised this warranted stronger methods.  
She circled the couch and pulled Harm up. He let her, not bothering to ask what she had in mind. She steered him to her bedroom. "Strip your shirt and lay on the bed on your stomach," she ordered. In the meantime she searched in her drawer to find the goody bag she received at the wedding some weeks earlier. In it she knew a bottle of massage oil. Harm now lying face down on the bed, naked from the waist up, she straddled his hips and poured a bit of the oil in her hands, warming it before applying it to his back. Then she started to knead his muscles, addressing one knot at the time. Suddenly she felt his shoulders shake, once, twice. He was crying. Her hands hesitated for a moment, then continued their ministrations. When she was finished she rested them on his shoulders, pouring all of her strength and, yes, love, into him.  
A few minutes later Harm moved and tried to sit up. She removed herself from him and let him. He rolled over and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He looked a bit embarrassed but she gave him a soft smile. His answer was to pull her into his arms. "Thank you," he whispered in her hair. Then he released her and sighed. "I'd better go," he announced.  
Mac was disappointed. "Why don't you stay? You shouldn't be alone tonight," she stated.  
He gave her a rueful smile. "I wish I could but I have to go. I have to be at the airport at 06.30 tomorrow and I still have to pack."  
Mac nodded. He was right but at the same time her mind was made up. As he walked to the bathroom she jumped into action, grabbing a bag and a uniform, underwear and pyjamas. When he appeared again she brushed by him to get a toiletry bag from the bathroom cabinet. Harm looked surprised. "If you can't stay here, I'll go with you," Mac declared. "As I said, you shouldn't be alone tonight." She dared him to protest but nothing was further from his mind. He smiled relieved. He hadn't realised how much he detested going back to his dark and empty loft, alone. 

When they arrived at Harm's place Mac brought her bag to the bedroom, indicating she wasn't going to sleep on the couch. When she looked over her shoulder Harm stood still rooted to the ground. She walked over and gave him a little nudge towards the bedroom. "You go and pack; I'll make us a hot cocoa, ok?" He nodded and mutely did as she said.  
A little while later his bag was packed and waiting for him next to the door and they were sipping their hot drinks. "Why don't we make it an early night?" Mac suggested. Harm nodded. He felt exhausted and looked forward to sleep, preferably with Mac in his arms even though he thought that was asked too much.  
He dragged himself to the bathroom, took a quick shower and crawled under the blankets waiting for Mac to accompany him. When she came he was a little unsure how to continue. But Mac wasn't. As soon she was in bed she scooted over and rested her head on his shoulder. But he was still too restless to fall asleep. Mac sensed it and pushed herself up, leaning on his chest.  
"You should sleep," she gently told him.  
Harm nodded; he knew she was right.  
"I keep asking myself if I could have done more, used a different approach," he confessed.  
"I know," Mac consoled. "But we went over it several times. We couldn't come up with an approach you didn't try. Jonah was not cooperating, you know that. You can lead a horse to water, you can't make it drink."  
"And you …," he went on.  
Mac knew she had to stop him from turning in circles and upsetting himself even more. She leaned in and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. That shut him up, even though it was only because she'd surprised him.  
"If it had been me, having a client committed suicide, where would you want to be?" she asked.  
"Close to you, wherever you needed me," was his honest reply.  
Mac nodded. "And where do you need me now?" was her next question.  
Harm managed a smile. "Close by, in my arms," he answered.  
"Then that's where I'll be, where I want to be," Mac stated. She felt him heave a sigh and finally relax. He pulled her close and kissed the crown of her head. "Thank you," he whispered before his breath evened out and he succumbed to the sleep. 

_Tuesday 22 December  
_The next morning the alarm clock woke Harm up at 4.30am. Immediately he reached out to silence it, wanting Mac to sleep on. He slit out of bed and went to shower, as silently as he could. But his attempts were in vain; Mac was already wide awake. She too rose, grabbed his robe and tiptoed to the kitchen. There she turned on the coffee machine, pressed some oranges, made scrambled eggs and toasted two bagels. When Harm emerged from the bathroom he found his breakfast ready.  
He frowned. "I didn't want to wake you up. You should sleep a little longer, you didn't have to make me breakfast."  
Mac walked over to him and caressed his freshly shaven cheek. "But I wanted to. And I'll go back to sleep for another hour after you leave. Now sit and eat." Dutifully Harm did as told and it was not before long the bagels, eggs and beverages were gone. Harm rose and retrieved his duffel bag.  
"I have to go," he announced.  
Mac walked him to the door and lifted her face to him for a kiss. Harm pulled her in his arms. "I'll do everything to be home for Christmas," he promised her.  
To his surprise she pulled back. "No, you don't!" she said, a bit more forceful than necessary. He could only look at her, mouth agape. Seeing his confusion Mac quickly clarified "I would love to have you here in time for Christmas but I _need_ you come home safely." She bit her lip to stop the treacherous trembling.  
Harm remembered what happened last time he promised her to be back in time. It had almost cost him his live and if it hadn't been for her psychic gift, he would have died in the icy waves. He nodded understanding her fear and gave her a soft squeeze, promising "I will do my best to be home for Christmas but I won't take risks for it. No daring flights!"  
Mac relaxed. That was all she needed to hear. She knew he never made a promise without the intention to keep it.  
"Go," she said pushing him towards the door. "You have a plane to catch."  
Harm nodded and gave her one last quick kiss. "I'll call you tonight."


	8. Christmas

_**Part 6: Christmas**_

_Thursday 24 December  
14.55_

Whistling a Christmas song Harm made his way out of the airport. The investigation had gone even smoother than expected, it was only four o'clock at Christmas Eve. More than enough time to run a few errands, go home, change and then pick up Mac for the Christmas dinner at the Robert's. He weaved his way through the busy traffic, first stop at a flower shop to pick up the bouquet of red roses and the white euphorbia he phone-ordered that morning.  
Business being slow on this last day before Christmas Mac left the office at 16.30. She hadn't heard from Harm since Tuesday evening and then it had been only a short call. She so hoped he could make it this evening. Trotting into her apartment her first look was to the answering machine. The red light blinked and as soon she hit the play button Harm's voice sounded through the room "Hey Mac, it's 15.30 and I just landed at Dulles. Pick you up at 18.00." His voice wavered a moment. "Can I ask you something? Can you wear that dress we bought back in September, the red one?" A sudden click indicated the end of the message.  
Mac felt her knees buckle with relief. He made it, safely. Then she jumped into action and rushed to her bedroom to retrieve the dress Harm asked her to wear.  
At 17.50 Mac was showered, dressed and sitting at her dressing table to apply her makeup when she heard the key in the lock. Harm! A moment later he appeared in the bedroom door, carrying huge bouquet of roses in a vase. Mac flung herself in his arms, burying her head in the crook of his neck. Harm wrapped his arm tightly around her, balancing the vase with his other hand.  
"Someone missed me, huh," Harm managed to get out, fighting his own emotions. Mac nodded, still plastered to his chest.  
After a few moments she pulled back, a bit embarrassed. Harm smiled and gave her a kiss. "I missed you, too." He placed the vase on the dresser and sat on the bed when she restored and finished her make-up. When she wanted to stand up he stopped her.  
"I want to give you your Christmas present."  
Mac turned around, surprised. "I thought we were going to exchange gifts after dinner?"  
Harm nodded but presented her with a small rectangular package anyway. "We are, but I thought you might like to get this a little earlier."  
Curiously Mac started to unwrap, revealing a small jeweller's box. When opening it, she gasped. In it was a pair of splendid dangling golden earrings, made of delicate filigree work. They matched the embroidery on her dress almost to a T.  
"Oh Harm, they are magnificent. When … where…?"  
"I bought them back in September, the same day as you bought the dress," he explained. "Saw them in the window. Remember you couldn't find me in the mall for a moment? I was at the jewellers' waiting to slip out unnoticed. I hoped we could mend fences well enough that I could give them to you one day."  
"You're a fool to buy me such an expensive gift but I love them." She kissed him. Harm smiled; it was reward enough for him.  
"Let's go, the Roberts await us." 

After dinner they exchanged gifts. For Mac there were several doll house items and since they were exactly the ones she picked from the catalogues, she gave Harm a suspicious look. His innocent smile didn't fool her; she knew he had provided their friends with the information. Her present for Harm was a set of miniature tools. Like she had done before, he protested that she didn't need to buy him such an expensive gift. Now it was Mac's turn to smirk.  
"Every time we were in the shop you fiddled with them, putting them back in the shelf with a longing look. Don't tell me you don't like them."  
Harm laughed. She was right; he had loved the set from the first time he had laid eyes on it.  
The evening traditionally ended with visiting the Christmas service and all time long Mac and Harm sat next to each other, holding hands. Afterwards they said their goodbyes and drove home.  
After a few minuets Mac asked "Did you visit the Wall already?" Harm shook his head "No, not going. I have you to bring home. My dad will understand."  
This didn't satisfy Mac. "Harm, visiting the Wall on Christmas Eve is important to you! You can go now. I don't mind; I'll wait in the car." He turned his face to her. "You're sure?" and when she nodded he changed directions and headed towards the memorial.  
At arrival Harm stepped out of the car but to Mac's surprise he hesitated. Then, as if he had made up his mind, he reached out to her, asking a bit shyly "Do you want to come, too?" Mac left the car as well and together they walked to the Wall. Facing it Harm pulled Mac closer, but when she prepared to wrap her arms around him, to her surprise he turned her around, so she was with her back against his chest, and wrapped his coat around her. He didn't say a word and Mac didn't want to interfere with his thoughts. She had the strange feeling she was somehow 'introduced' to his dad.  
They stood there for almost fifteen minutes until Mac shivered in the cold night wind. This pulled Harm out of his 'conversation' with his dad. "You're getting cold. We're going home." Mac made a small protesting sound. She didn't want to leave his arms.  
"Come on, Marine, you can be in my arms all night long." At this comment Mac fell silent.  
They drove back in a somewhat awkward silence, Harm fearing he overstepped a line, pushed too hard, Mac contemplating whether he had meant it.  
When they neared the point they had to decide what way to take, Mac decided that something had to be said.  
"Did you mean it?"  
For a sec Harm thought about feigning ignorance but then he nodded.  
"Yes. I don't want to push you to something you're not ready for but yes, I meant every word."  
Mac swallowed. The next step was up to her. "Why," she had to clear her throat "Why don't we drive by your house first so you can pick up the things you need?" With a smile Harm took the next exit and headed for his apartment.  
Inside his loft another awkward silence threatened till Harm grabbed a few bags and suggested "Why don't you start collecting the presents from under the tree and the stuff I need to cook dinner tomorrow and I change and pack a few clothes. Relieved Mac did as he suggested but while the presents caused little difficulty, she was confused about the amount of food occupying his fridge. "Harm, what do you need from your fridge?" He emerged from the bed-area and came to her aid. While he packed a bag with a container soup out of the freezer and milk, potatoes, turkey legs and several kinds of vegetables out of the fridge, Mac wandered to his bedroom. A duffel bag with toiletries, boxers and a t-shirt was already on the bed. Next to it lay jeans, a polo and a sweater. Mac took a deep breath. Another decision making moment. She quickly added two more boxers, extra T-shirts and socks, then straightened her back and took a clean uniform out of the closet, including the shirt and shoes he would need on Monday. She all packed it in the duffel and went back to the living.  
"Ready?" Harm asked her, seeing the bag she was carrying. Mac nodded, no way back now. 

At Mac's Harm stuffed the fridge while Mac added the presents to the pile already under the tree and brought his bag to her room. There she kicked out her high-heeled shoes, undressed and put on a cosy pyjama and fluffy slippers. Harm laughed out loud when she returned. "Newest fashion trend?" he teased. He pointed to the coffee table. "I made chocolate." Mac was most happy to curl up next to him on the couch. She sipped her hot drink and put the mug back down. No having slept well for the three previous nights it didn't take her long to doze off, her head resting on Harm's shoulder.  
When Harm heard her soft snore, he had to stifle a chuckle. 'So much for any amorous encounter' he thought. Slowly he repositioned himself so he could scoop her up and carry her to her bedroom. He lowered her onto the bed, removed her slippers and tucked her in before grabbing his bag and heading to the bathroom. There he was in for another shock, seeing the clothes Mac had packed. Any question about how long he was supposed to stay was answered. Moments later he retuned to the bedroom and slipped under the blankets. Mac immediately turned towards him and snuggled into his arms. With a yawn Harm hit the light and rested his head on the pillow, close to Mac's. 

_Christmas morning  
Mac's place  
_Slowly Harm woke up. It took him a few moments to realize where he was but then the memories of the previous evening came back. He smiled. There were two more nights to go. Mac was still sound asleep. That gave him the opportunity to make her breakfast. Carefully he slipped out of bed and headed for the kitchen.  
Ten minutes later Mac's nose started to twitch. She smelled coffee. How would it be possible to smell coffee? There was no one besides herself in the apartment … wait, Harm was here. At least, yesterday evening he had been. She blushed at the thought of what had happened. Inviting him to stay the night and then falling asleep on him. It was really one for the books. She should call herself lucky he hadn't walked out on her. Her thoughts were interrupted by the subject of her musings. Harm stood next to the bed, carrying a tray with what seemed a complete breakfast. He smiled and she couldn't help but smile back, both because of the breakfast as and out of relief.  
After breakfast and showers Harm declared it time to unwrap presents. Both had put a lot of effort into finding the perfect gifts. 

The rest of the day was spent with working on Mac's dollhouse. Harm was eager to try his new tools. In the afternoon he prepared a nice little Christmas dinner for the two of them, with turkey legs in a rich mushroom sauce, mashed potatoes, roasted parsnips and carrots, a salad and applesauce. For dessert he made a trifle and there were mince meat pies to go with their coffee.  
However, at the end of the day Mac developed a massive headache. Being locked in in the warm apartment and the tension about what was to come proved too much for her. She tried to hide it from Harm but in vain. First he threw several suspicious looks at her, which Mac chose to ignore. Then he hinted but she didn't react. Finally he downright asked her and now Mac had to admit she felt terrible. His mind was made up immediately. "You take some aspirins and go to bed." Mac protested. She didn't want to waste a minute of their time together. Harm countered "Alright then, you go to bed and sleep it off; I'll be next to you and read."  
Reluctantly Mac obeyed, knowing he was right. Her headache was piercing and she really had to sleep. Harm waited till she disappeared into the bathroom. He made sure the fire was out, brought the dirty cups and plates to the kitchen and went to hit the lights. When he came to the bedroom Mac was already dozing. He too made quick work of washing and brushing his teeth. Moments later he was in bed, too. Mac turned towards him and laid her head on his chest. He gave her a kiss on her head and picked up his book. 

_Boxing Day  
Park_  
Saturday morning emerged clear and bright. Which was just as well as they had arranged a stroll in the park with Harriet, Bud and little AJ that afternoon. AJ was all over the place, experiencing snow for the first time. The previous years he had been too young to enjoy playing in the white fluffy stuff, now he made up for lost time, tumbling around and making a little yeti out of himself. The adults walked, chatted and even had a bit of a snow ball fight. Finally, getting a bit chilled, they headed back to the cars.  
Mac had been quiet, which didn't go unnoticed by Harriet.  
Finally she asked, "Ma'am…. uh … Mac, is there something wrong?" It jolted Mac out of her thoughts. "Sorry, what did you ask?"  
"You are so quiet. Is something wrong?"  
Mac shook her head slowly. "No… but…" she fell silent.  
Harriet waited, then prodded "Mac?"  
Mac shrugged "I feel a bit … guilty, I guess." Harriet's brows raised almost into her hair.  
Mac blushed. "Harm is spending the weekend at my place," she explained. "We were supposed ... you know … for the first time …" Harriet did a good job hiding her surprise. She had expected for them to sleep together a long time ago!  
In the meantime Mac went on "But at Christmas Eve I fell asleep on him and last night I developed a massive headache. So …"  
Harriet couldn't surprise a chuckle. "Not having slept together and already you have a headache," she couldn't keep herself from teasing but stopped immediately when she saw Mac's face. Mac bit her lip. "I wouldn't know how to cope when this doesn't work out," she whispered.  
Harriet placed her hand on her Mac's sleeve. "It will work out. I promise. You love him and if you see the way he looks at you, especially when you aren't paying attention, you would know he loves you, too. Very much. We all knew for a long time. Even the Admiral."  
Mac blushed. "You're sure?"  
The other woman nodded. "Yes. Trust me."  
"But the Admiral?"  
"Believe me; he is very pleased the two of you are on the same page now. And I happen to know, don't ask me how, he is already looking into a way to keep you both under his command when you become officially an item." She gave her friend a little nudge. "Now go to him."  
Still a bit unsure and hesitant Mac walked over to Harm. He greeted her with his warm smile. She looped her arm through his.  
"You feeling better?" he asked softly.  
She nodded. "I'm sorry I fell asleep on you. Both nights. I know we were supposed to …"  
Harm stopped walking and pulled her into his arms. She went willingly.  
"Don't go there. You needed your sleep. You know," he started "I realized something. You told me once you sleep poorly, even with another person around. In my arms you slept like a baby, both nights. And it made me feel … proud and protective and honoured and humble, all at the same time. I won't deny I want to …" He let the sentence unfinished. "But what we have is so much more than physical attraction I didn't care. There will be other nights. A lot."  
Mac was so touched she couldn't utter a word. In stead she pulled his head down for a kiss. 

That evening they were sitting on the couch, Harm with his back against the armrest and his legs stretched out on the seat, Mac leaning against his chest, his arms around her.  
"What are you thinking about?"  
"How happy you make me. How much I love you." He kissed the back of her head. Mac snuggled in closer, if possible. "I love you, too."  
"And I was thinking about next steps."  
"What will those steps be?" Mac wanted to know, turning around so she could look at him. She knew what she wanted but she needed confirmation they were still on the same page.  
Harm took a deep breath. Even though he was pretty sure she felt the same as he, he was nervous. "For starters I thought about dating. There are a lot of things I want to do with you. Then I would like to take you to a romantic environment to propose … then being engaged to marry, a wedding, children …" he trailed.  
Mac closed her eyes. She felt like she was dreaming, all her wishes coming true. She smiled dreamily. Without thinking she sighed "This is not romantic enough?"  
Harm sat straight up and let his eyes wander through the room. He took in the illuminated tree, the fire and the candles, the fragrance of spruce and Christmas potpourri and the soft music piping from the speakers.  
Slowly he entangled himself from her. Mac froze but he pressed a soft kiss on her lips and she relaxed again.  
"Don't move," he ordered her tenderly.  
As in a dream Mac saw him walk over to the door. He reached for his jacket and she held her breath. When he turned back to her he had something small hidden in his hand. In front of the couch he lowered himself on one knee. He showed her a sparkling ring.  
"Sarah, you are the love of my life. Will you marry me?"  
"YES!" 

The end

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU!


End file.

JAG