Smallville It's Not Easy

It's Not Easy   
By Misha 

Disclaimer: I own nothing Smallville-related, or related in any other way to Clark Kent, Superman or any of the various creations of the wonderful folks at DC Comics. Nor do I own the song "Superman" which belongs to the band Five by Fighting and probably a whole lot of other people. I'm not making money off this story, so please do not sue me. 

Author's Notes- This is my first "Smallville" song-fic. It's set to the song "Superman" by Five For Fighting and is a piece of Clark reflection as he thinks about who he is and the destiny he has. It's kind of angsty, but that's not exactly uncommon for me. I like angst. Well, that's all for now, enjoy! 

Spoilers- Up to Hourglass, I guess. I'm not really sure. 

Rating- PG   
--- 

Clark stared out at the sky. 

Where was he from? Who was he? 

Suddenly nothing made sense anymore. 

If it ever had. He had always been a little bit different, standing on the outskirts, never really belonging. 

But before it had been okay. So what, he was an outsider, so were Pete and Chloe, really. It was okay. 

But now, now, it was different. He was more than just a social outcast. 

He didn't belong anywhere. 

_I can't stand to fly   
I'm not that naive   
I'm just out to find   
The better part of me_

He would give anything to be normal. 

Not to have special abilities. But he did. 

He was more than human. He could do things that most people never even dreamed of. 

Clark had the feeling that he was just beginning to tap into his powers and that frightened him more than anything else. 

He already knew that he was invulnerable, that he could see through things, that he could run like the wind, and that he could float. 

What _else_ could he do? And why? Why was he able to do these things? 

Why was he different than everyone else? 

_I'm more than a birdÉI'm more than a plane   
More than some pretty face beside a train   
It's not easy to be me_

Ever since the accident, when he had saved Lex, things had been different. 

He had kept on wondering who he really was. 

He wasn't Clark Kent, sweet, bumbling farm boy. Not really. 

But who was he? Who were his real parents? Where was he from? Why had he been sent here, to Earth? 

For as long as he could remember, the first two questions hadn't mattered and the last, hadn't even occurred to him. 

He had always known he was adopted, but it hadn't mattered. He knew who he was. 

He was the son of Jonathan and Martha. That was all that mattered. 

But now, now things were different. 

Now he had to face the fact that as much as he loved them, he **wasn't** their biological son, that he had gifts that they could never possess. Gifts that had to have come from somewhere. 

He wondered if he would ever get answers. If he would ever learn the truth about his birth parents and about his origins. 

He wondered if he even really wanted to. 

_Wish that I could cry   
Fall upon my knees   
Find a way to lie   
About a home I'll never see_

The worst part was that Clark knew that he'd never be able to speak of where he was from. He'd never be able to tell the truth, if he ever discovered it, that was. 

No, for the rest of his life, he'd have to continue with the lies. Keep telling people that he was from Smallville, Kansas, and leave out the rest. 

That before he had come to Smallville, he had lived on another planet. A planet that he would never see, might not even ever know the name of. 

No, people wouldn't think he was crazy if he told them. That's why he never would. 

He'd keep it to himself. He'd keep it all to himself. 

But he wish he didn't have to. 

He wished he could be free. 

_It may sound absurdÉbut don't be naive   
Even Heroes have the right to bleed   
I may be disturbedÉbut won't you concede   
Even Heroes have the right to dream   
It's not easy to be me_

More than anything in the world, Clark wished that just for one moment he could be like anyone else. 

That he could bleed like a normal man. That he could break. 

But he knew that he couldn't. No matter how hard he tried, Clark couldn't bleed. 

And now that he thought about it, he never had before. 

When he was a kid people had marvelled over how resilient he was, but they never realized how true that really was. That nothing Clark had done had ever hurt him physically. 

And he wished it had. 

He wanted to be normal. He wanted to be able to have a normal life, but already he knew that wasn't going to happen. 

He knew that his future did not lie in Smallville and that scared him as well. Smallville was all he had ever known, what was it going to like to go out into the big world and to a destiny he had yet to even really imagine? 

_Up, up and awayÉaway from me   
It's all rightÉYou can all sleep sound tonight   
I'm not crazyÉor anythingÉ_

Clark wondered if his future included the people he loved. 

His parents. Lana. Chloe. Pete. Lex. Did they have any place in his future, his destiny? 

He hoped so, but... He wasn't sure. He didn't even know what it destiny was yet. 

But whatever it was... It wasn't normal, so how could normal people be involved? 

He didn't know. 

But he did know that he prayed to God that he didn't get any of them hurt. He was afraid that he would. That knowing him would cause the people he loved pain. 

It already had. The meteor shower had already hurt both Lana and Lex. He had already been responsible for their suffering and that hurt. 

But he wanted to make sure that it never happened again. That they never again hurt because of him, but he didn't know how. 

How could he protect the people he loved from a destiny he didn't even understand? 

_I can't stand to fly   
I'm not that naive   
Men weren't meant to ride   
With clouds between their knees_

Clark knew that normal men weren't meant to be able to the things that he could do. 

That he was different. Special. 

But was he really? Was it a good thing? 

Or was it a horrible thing? Was he doomed to spend the rest of life separate from the rest of the world? 

Would he be stuck on the outside looking in on world to which he could never really belong? 

Or would it be different? Would somehow he find a way to belong? Find a way to separate the two halves of himself? 

He hoped so. But he didn't really know. 

He didn't really know anything yet. 

_I'm only a man in a silly red sheet   
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street   
Only a man in a funny red sheet   
Looking for special things inside of me_

Yet, he did know that at least he had one weakness. 

The meteor fragments. For some reason they hurt him. 

And, weird enough, that felt good. 

To know that he **could** hurt, that there was something out there that was able to cause him physical pain. That he wasn't invincible. That he had one major weakness. 

That he had one something that made him a little more human, a little bit more normal. 

_I'm only a man in a funny red sheet,   
I'm only a man looking for a dream,   
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet,   
And it's not easy...   
It's not easy to be me_

Clark could hear his mother calling him, so he gazed out at the sky one last time, then turned and left his Fortress of Solitude. 

He headed down to meet his parents, to rejoin the normal world and to pretend once more that he wasn't what he was. 

That he was as normal as everyone else, as normal as he wished to be. 

He placed as happy-go-lucky smile on his face as he approached his mother. 

No one would ever understand how hard it was to be him. 

The End 


End file.

Smallville, Angst