Mass Effect 1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note - All characters belong to Bioware. I just like taking them out to play every now and then._  
_This story is dedicated to Kendrene, my beta, my soulmate. Her presence in my life inspires every story._

* * *

Zero Plus One

A child's screams from behind a door, metal tearing , orders cut short by explosions, blasts going off all around her. Confusion, mayhem. Shepard's eyes flew open, breath coming in short gasps. But the semi silence surrounded her, the steady hum of the Normandy a calming mantra soothing away the nightmare. Clarity returned as the soft glow of the tank illuminated her quarters.

The commander slid out of bed, bare feet silent as she padded over to watch the graceful motion of the fish. Seeing their simple patterns of movement always reassured her. Somewhere in this universe there was peace.

The mission on Pragia had bothered her more than she realized. Liberating a convict had seemed an easy task, getting to know that convict had proved the much greater challenge. Seeing the lengths that Cerberus would go to gain a potential advantage had sickened her, made her question her association with them. But stopping the Collectors… A purpose such as that made for strange allies.

Knowing that sleep wouldn't come again, the spectre dressed quietly and checked her personal terminal. Sometimes it seemed like an endless path of following leads, mission after mission, traversing the galaxy, righting wrongs that others had perpetrated. But then a smile touched her face. It was what she lived for.

Leaving her quarters, she entered the elevator. As the doors slid shut, she admired the lines of the ship, the 3D design spinning in her mind. While she had loved the original Normandy, she had to admit that Cerberus had outdone themselves in building this one. Engineering deck reached, the doors slid open before she even had finished her thoughts. It was amazing, elevator rides had always seemed so long….

Through another door and down the stairs to the deepest part of the deck. Shepard hadn't intended on coming here, but here she was.

"Hey," a voice echoed, "What's happening?"

"Hey Jack," the commander replied, almost a bit too fast. "Just checking on how you're doing."

"Better now that hellhole is just particles in space."

"Not sleeping?" Shepard asked, noticing the dark circles under the biotic's eyes.

"I could ask you the same," came the sharp retort.

"Thinking about that place, I can't imagine a child growing up there."

"Well if you came to offer your sympathies, fuck off Commander, I made it just fine."

Shepard noticed that Jack wouldn't meet her eyes.

"Are you done, Shepard? Maybe some of us want to try to get some sleep before you throw us into the next fire."

The spectre reluctantly turned to leave. There seemed to be so much to say, but the words would not come. She may have gained the biotic's loyalty, but trust and respect were another matter. That's OK, she thought to herself. She always lived for the challenge.

"Later, Jack," the commander said as she made her way to the stair.

"Yeah, whatever," Jack growled but her eyes followed the spectre up and out of the area, wondering.

Seeing Pragia reminded her of so many things, none of them good. Childhood memories shouldn't be this painful, right? She asked herself for the hundredth time. Well, she'd showed them. Now as soon as she was done with this, she'd finally be free. Was that what she wanted? Jack stared at the pipes overhead. The questions were always there, the answers were another story. Sleep would not return this night.

"Anomaly detected," EDI intoned as the probe hit the surface of the planet.

An unexpected hit, as they were only scanning for the raw minerals needed to further upgrade the Normandy. Probably mercenaries or worse yet, more Geth, always more questions than answers.

"Lots of static down there, Commander," Joker warned, "no good cross chatter there."

"Monitoring of channels is not part of your defined responsibility, Mr. Moreau," the AI chided the pilot who rolled his eyes at the interruption.

"Somebody's gotta keep 'em honest," he muttered under his breath. Who's idea was this AI anyway? He thought to himself again, sighing. The things a pilot had to put up with!

"Jack, Miranda," Shepard announced as she strode off to the shuttle buckling her armor into place on the way. It still seemed so different to her, this crew she was pulling together. Her first crew had come to her out of loyalty, this one out of obligation. But loyalty was there to be had, she just had to work harder at it with this bunch.

Sometimes she wondered why she chose this pair. The animosity barely stayed below the surface. Well, at least this way she could keep an eye on them both. The two of them were so talented, but refused to give an inch. Mentally shaking her head, she began to anticipate what they would find when they touched down. The pair were already at the shuttle when she arrived.

"Just love what you've done with your hair," Miranda taunted.

"Yeah, well, didn't have my Daddy around to design it special," Jack responded with an acid tone.

Shepard shook her head, trying to remember a better reason she picked this pair.

"Enough already," the commander snapped, ignoring the glares, " take it out on the hostiles."

Damn, she thought, imaging them both PMSing? She'd have holes in the ship breaking that one up.

The shuttle touched down on a mountainous planet. Sharp angles, long climbing paths and edges that dropped off into deadfalls. Great to defend at the top, not so good if you needed to get there.

Aside from their bickering, this team knew how to do their job, relentless in pursuit, lethal in execution. The pilot dropped them off on a small, flat outcrop. The best site the shuttle pilot could find barely had room to jump clear.

Shepard shook her head as the biotic went charging up the path as soon as her feet hit solid ground. So much for a strategic approach. She jogged after Jack, somewhat more cautious as she followed.

"Damn! " Miranda muttered as her companions disappeared around a corner.

She wasn't far behind on their trail as the quiet shattered with the blasts of explosions. As the Cerberus officer reached the clearing, she saw Jack and Shepard squatting over an inert form. The break in the trail was littered with bodies, one glance at them sent chills up her spine. Not the squeamish type at all, but something about husks revolted her. Human bodies remade into horrors.

"But this one is different, look at the head." Shepard motioned Miranda over to join them.

"Nice of you to show up," Jack snickered.

"Well, who ran off?" Miranda countered.

"Enough again," Shepard barked. "Next time, I call for replacements. Concentrate, you two."

Meek would never describe these women, but chided, they lowered their eyes to the corpse at their feet.

"Color is different, eyes not as burned out," Miranda listed her observances.

"Dies just the same, let's get on with it already." Jack was already up, eyes scanning the path, looking for the next threat.

"Did they behave differently, commander?" Miranda asked, puzzled as well by this variation. Could the geth be upgrading their fodder? That didn't bode well.

"They didn't rush as directly and it was almost like they had shields." The spectre looked thoughtful. "Could they have been biotics before, well, getting spiked?" Miranda asked.

Shepard just shrugged her shoulders, standing up as her omni tool completed the scan.

"Well at least this will give Mordin something else to play with, he…" The commander's sentence was cut short as the sounds of gunfire echoed from above.

Shepard was in motion, rifle drawn, in the blink of an eye with Miranda in step.

As they reached the next plateau, the spectre motioned Miranda to the right, where jagged boulders provided a modicum of cover. She took the outer route, glancing at the sheer drop to her left that allowed no room for error.

Geth troopers had the upper path, raining fire on Jack, their attention completely on the biotic.

They were not prepared for the barrage of overload tearing into them from the right. That distraction gave Jack the opportunity to dash out, gun blasting in time with her biotic outburst. Shepard picked off the remaining geth and paused to catch her breath moving away from the cliff face.

"How about waiting for us, next time?" The commander growled at Jack. "Trying to get us killed?"

"Nah," came the snide retort , "not both of you."

It took them longer to survey the area, machinery, roughly cabled together crowding the clearing.

All three were scanning for data as a slight stirring caught the commander's attention. Time seemed to slow in her mind as she processed the ripple in the air ahead of her. Before she could call out, the telltale flicker of a geth hunter's shields materialized just feet away from Jack. The biotic's head came up, eyes widening just as the concussion blast knocked her over the edge. Within that instant, the spectre's reflexes came to life, headshot downing the hunter as she grabbed at a cable and dove over the side.

Jack fought the momentary panic as the ground fell away. A second later, she felt her harness snatched and a barrier snapped into place around her. Just in time as the freefall brought her into contact with the cliff face. Then suddenly, the headlong rush ended with a jolt and she felt her body suspended in space. Glancing up, Jack saw the commander hanging over the side, biotics straining as she held on to the ex-convict's minimal clothing . Realization at what Shepard was doing flooded her senses and she added her biotic power to the spectre's. Jack began to pull at the cable, drawing them upward and maintaining the barrier. They continued to rise, faster as the biotic poured more power into the pull and were propelled up and over the side. They landed in a crumpled pile a safe distance away from the edge. She glanced in wonder at Shepard, amazed at how she had used her biotics. Her look turned to concern as she noticed that the commander wasn't getting up.

Miranda's eyes mirrored her own as she rushed over, already calling Joker. For once, she had no remark for the Cerberus officer.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Garrus looked at the anxious faces sitting around the table awaiting the appearance of Dr. Chakwas. He leaned against the wall, a casual observer. It reminded him of a similar scene, only a different time, different crew. He noticed that he and Tali were calmer than the others. Guess that came with seeing the commander come through much worse than this.

"Stupid, just plain stupid," Miranda muttered again, to no one in particular.

She had told them all what she had witnessed. The geth attack, Jack's plunge, the commander's response. The shock at losing them, the relief at their miraculous appearance, the concern for Shepard. If Miranda thought the team would sympathize with her view, she was mistaken. Those that knew Shepard well just nodded, those new to the commander had that look of reverence.

"Cerberus didn't spend all that money to have her throw it away, " she added. "Especially for a convict."

Tali surprised the turian by speaking up.

"Enough, Miranda, Jack's a member of this crew, like any of us," her words echoed through her mask. "And Shepard would have done that for any of us. If Cerberus wanted a pawn, they picked the wrong commander to revive."

"That criminal doesn't deserve…." Miranda's words were cut short as the door to the med bay opened and the doctor walked thought the door. All eyes turned to her and didn't notice the shadow that slid through the door before it snapped shut.

"All right, everyone, time to go back to your work. The commander will be fine. Just a crack on the head, few more bruises, nothing new for her. Bit of a headache and she be back chewing you out tomorrow." Chakwas' words brought a sigh of relief to the group. She answered a few more of their questions and was pleased with their concern for the commander. She had some concerns about this group at first, but they seemed to have settled in as a team.

"Now leave her to rest and get on with you," the doctor dismissed them to their duties.

In the darkened med bay, the biotic finally relaxed. She had learned a long time ago to use her biotic not only as a shield, but also as a camouflage. Jack leaned down over the prone commander, checking the spectre's vital signs displayed on the far monitor. Shepard appeared to be resting gently, a thin blanket covering her still form. As Jack studied the commander's face, her thoughts again spun around in her head. What was this women after? Why did she risk her life to save her? Why did she bother for a loose cannon like Subject Zero. Lost in her thoughts, she was startled when eyelids fluttered and the commander opened her eyes.

"Looking for something?" Shepard asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Jack's guilty visage and lack of acidic retort brought a smile to the spectre's face.

"Just checking," the biotic said defensively. "Wanted to make sure you didn't do something stupid like getting yourself killed or anything."

"Why Jack," the spectre teased, "I didn't know you cared."

The blush creeping over the shaved head said more than the biotic could ever have voiced.

"How you feeling, Shepard?" Jack quickly slid by the awkwardness, embarrassed by her response to this woman.

"Like I got run over by a mad krogan," the commander winced as she sat up. "I'm surprised the doc let you in here."

Another guilty look told the spectre the story.

"You probably shouldn't get up just yet, commander." Jack protested as Shepard swung her feet over the side and tried to stand.

Seeing the wobble in her step, the biotic took her arm, guiding her back to the bed.

Fighting the dizziness and fatigue overwhelming her, the commander didn't have the strength to resist the gentle urging. She allowed the ex-convict to help her back under the covers and slumped back into unconsciousness.

Jack studied the commander's face for a time, noticing the fine cheekbones, the scars and the laugh lines at the corners of her mouth. The shallow breathing deepened and the spectre looked to be sleeping peacefully. As she heard the doctor's voice get closer, she slipped back into her almost invisible barrier and slid past Chakwas as the door swished open. The group was breaking up, some had already headed back to their stations. Most of those who had gathered around the mess noticed neither her entrance nor her exit. Just as she wanted. Only one pair of eyes witnessed the shimmer of light, the change in the air. But the turian held his tongue, filing that away for the future.

Jack returned to her quiet, dark spot deep within the ship. Confusion, anger, other emotions threatened to overtake her. But bothering her most were the questions that burned in her to which she had no answers.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Hey Commander," the pilot chirped. "Good to have you back among the living." After a moment's pause, he added "Um, not like that's been done before or anything."

"Good to see you too Mr. Moreau," Shepard replied with a smile.

"So, what's on the agenda today, ma'am, planet scans, smoking some mercenaries, rescuing some outpost?"

"Nothing that interesting, I'm afraid, Joker," she answered with a shrug. "I was thinking more along the lines of Illium."

"Ahh, Samara just not enough asari for you?" he asked with a smirk.

Shepard just smiled and shook her head. Problem was, he was closer to the truth than she cared to admit. There was another asari that she had to see.

"Hey Commander, think you can pick us up some new star maps there? You know, scanning these same old systems is no fun."

"I'll see what I can do Joker, " she replied as she turned to walk away.

"Later commander," he said spinning back to his console. He was always happy when she came up to talk to him. Almost took his mind off that damn AI for a minute.

Greeting crew members along the way, Shepard stopped to speak to Kelly .

"Glad to see you're feeling better, commander, " the redhead greeted her cheerfully.

"It was just a little knock on the head and everyone's treating me like a wounded hero."

"I guess we all have a lot invested in this mission, ma'am, we'd rather not lose our commander just yet."

"Well, I guess, " Shepard conceded, then changed the subject. "So, what's the talk on the ship?"

Kelly shifted a little, hesitating just a tad too long. "Well, Miranda's furious, Jack's, well, just Jack, Garrus seems amused by it all and everyone else is just happy you're OK. I think a bit of time will settle them all down."

"Thanks, I think," the commander answered, "I should get going now."

"I'm here if you need me, commander," came the redhead's stock response.

Shepard opened the galaxy map slowly as she thought through the last couple of day's events. She would have done the same for any crew member. Why was everyone making such a fuss just because it was Jack? Or was it just because they thought she was being reckless? She selected Illium and waited for the pilot's comments.

"Miranda and Jack with you, commander?" Joker asked.

"Not today, Joker," she said quickly. "Have Garrus and Tali meet me at the airlock."

"Yes, ma'am," he answered, a bit puzzled. The commander had almost exclusively taken the two women with her on most of their missions. Something going down on this one he wondered? Or maybe Shepard just got tired of them bitching at each other all the time. Her head must be bothering her.

* * *

"So, commander, what's it to be this time?" the turian asked. "Need someone to carry your shopping bags?"

"Just going to see an old friend, Garrus," the spectre answered. "We need some information."

"Ahh, information," he teased, "wouldn't have any other reasons to visit a certain asari, would we?"

Luckily for Shepard, Tali joined them and it was not long before they docked at Illium.

The trio arrived at the administrative offices and Shepard was ushered in to see Liara without a delay. Tali and Garrus had discreetly declined the spectre's offer to join her.

"Hello Liara, " Shepard's voice was not as steady as she would have liked it to be.

"Commander, good to see you again. Is there some way I can be of assistance?" Surprise at seeing the spectre evident in her eyes.

"Li," she stumbled, "do we have to be so formal?"

"Shepard," the asari hesitated, dropping her eyes, "it's been 2 years, 2 very long years."

"Not for me, Liara," the spectre snapped, a bit more strongly than she had intended. "I'm sorry, really, but everything's changed, everyone's changed. I just woke up to this."

The asari looked at the woman to whom she had given her heart, many years ago. She saw the pain there, the questions.

"Perhaps you just need to give it time, Shepard, give everyone time to adjust to your um, resurrection," she added quietly.

"Do you need time, Li?" the spectre pleaded.

Liara turned to look out the window, unable to meet Shepard's eyes. "I have something I must finish. I cannot …. not now." The asari's voice faded. "Maybe, when that is done, if you still wish, maybe we can…"

"Can do what, Li?"

"I guess whatever we choose to do. I am sorry, too, Shepard, but I cannot right now." Her voice lowered to a whisper, "I just cannot."

"Promise me one thing, Li," Shepard pleaded.

The asari only nodded, not confident in her voice at the moment.

"When I'm done with the Collectors, I'll be back for you," she continued "and you'll tell me the whole truth. And then we'll decide what comes next. Together."

Dr. T'Soni lowered her eyes as she nodded. Never able to say no to her soulmate, it was breaking her heart to push her away now. But she must.

"Goodbye Liara, " the spectre rose gracefully and turned toward the door, "Take care."

"Farewell Shepard," she replied as the commander left the office. "Be safe and return to me," but the asari's last words were spoken to the empty room.

The look on Shepard's face silenced any questions from Garrus and Tali. They traded glances as she stormed out of the office, not even looking to see if they were following her. Soon they arrived at Baria Frontiers and the commander purchased the maps that her pilot had requested.

"At least someone will be happy about this trip," Garrus commented. "How come we never get any presents?"

Finally bringing a ghost of a smile to the spectre's face, she turned to the turian, "OK, Garrus, I have a shop in mind for you too."

As they reached Gateway Personal Defense, both her squadmates' eyes lit up. Leaving them to go over the stock, Shepard wandered over to Memories of Illium. The fate of her last fish were not pretty, she really should get someone to help when she was away. On a whim, she bought enough to restock the tank in her quarters. She was about to turn away from the shop when another item caught her eye. A small puzzle, supposedly a child's toy but maddeningly difficult. She added it to her purchases and rejoined her team who were excitedly chatting about gear.

"Thank you for taking us along Shepard," Tali beamed. "Look at what I've found."

The walk back to the Normandy went by quickly as the quarian and turian debated the pros and cons of the shop's inventory and showed off their new gear. They teased her about her purchase, laying odds on the survival rate of the fish. The light hearted conversation and the company of old friends did her spirit good, but the shadow of another old companion still lingered in her mind.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Over the next few days, Kelly's prediction came true and everyone seemed to settle back into their usual routines. Shepard was studying the new star maps in her cabin when Joker's call interrupted her.

"Um, Commander, you better get down to Engineering," the pilot suggested, a bit strongly.

"What's going on Joker?" she asked.

"Well, Engineer Donnelly is upset with the new arrangement down below and the um, discussions, are not going well."

"Who exactly is he having discussions with?" she demanded, growing tired of partial stories.

"Garrus and Jack. Commander, I think you need to get down there."

"OK," she muttered, growing tired of having to break up disagreements, "I'm on my way."

She punched the elevator button, again appreciating its efficiency and heard the raised voices as soon as the door swished open to the Engineering deck.

Donnelly's Scottish brogue was even heavier when he was upset. She could only barely make out what he was saying. As she entered the room, all eyes turned toward her and the din ceased. One engineer was red faced, Daniels was trying to blend into the background, Garrus and Jack looked guilty and Tali just amused. The commander's unease rose when she noticed the sniper rifle that Garrus was carrying.

"OK, who's going to explain this to me?" Shepard asked, then regretted as everyone started speaking at once. "Enough!" her command voice instantly brought silence.

"Daniels, what's going on here?"

The engineer stood a little straighter as the commander addressed her directly. " Well Commander, Engineer Donnelly and I were concerned that the range would lead to damage of the ship. The turian here does not seem to agree."

"Wait, what range, what are we talking about?" Shepard cut in, trying to get to the bottom of it.

"If I may, commander?" Tali requested. The quarian continued at a nod from the spectre.

"Garrus was teaching Jack the finer points of using a sniper rifle and decided they needed somewhere unused and long to practice. The lower engineering deck met their requirements so they set up a range down there. The engineers here, found out about it and were not happy about potential damage to the ship. We were just discussing alternatives."

As she looked around, all heads were nodding. "Thank you, Tali."

"Garrus, I appreciate your sharing your skills, but on the ship?" She chided.

"We did set up an area and targets that absorb the shots, it's the only place on the ship that has the distance and no traffic. We need to keep sharp and only practice is going to help there. I really don't see the problem," the turian responded calmly.

"But commander, the new couplings are right in back of that, if they miss, they'll be ruined," Donnelly pleaded.

Shepard's glance returned to the turian.

"I never miss," was his curt reply.

"Donnelly, is there any way you can shield the area to make it more safe?" Shepard asked the engineer.

"Well, I guess, commander, if I had the right materials," he replied thoughtfully.

"OK, then Garrus, as soon as you get Mr. Donnelly here the materials he needs and help him build the retainer, then you can continue your lessons. Understood?" Sometimes she felt like an arbitrator rather than a commander, guess that was all in a day's work.

"Very well, Shepard," the turian replied.

Both seemed appeased so she considered it a done deal. Looking around the room she noticed that Jack had slipped out during the discussion. There was another conversation she had to have. Shepard left the main engineering desk and headed down the metal staircase. The biotic was sitting on her cot, head in her hands.

"Hello Jack," Shepard began

"Hey."

"Nice of you to disappear before," the spectre sat on the small table against the far wall.

"I get blamed for enough shit," she said defiantly, "didn't see any reason to add to that. So, what do you want anyway?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe I miss your friendly nature when you're not around," the commander said, trying to keep a straight face.

"Well, I'm not a girl's club kind of person," Jack refused to be baited.

"OK, so I just thought I'd check to see if you got banged up the other day. I know you refused to see the doctor."

"So, what's this now – you show me your scars and I'll show mine?" the biotic's eyes blazed.

"Guess that means you're OK, well good," Shepard smiled as she turned toward the stairway. "And besides, maybe you'd like that. I do have a lot of scars."

The speechless biotic didn't have time to respond before the spectre was out of site. She wasn't sure what she would have said anyway. Damn cocky commander, who did she think she was anyway? And what was she really after? Jack's thoughts were spinning when she noticed something on the table where Shepard had been sitting. She picked it up. A kid's game or something. She clicked the button and the holo puzzle appeared. What the fuck was this? A challenge? Damn spectre. But the puzzle intrigued her and she began to unravel it. A hour later she put it down with a thud. Damn spectre. After pacing the room, she picked it up again and worked on it deep into the night.

Floors above, the commander stood at the tank, gazing at its new denizens. She followed their graceful patterns, soothing in their symmetry. Thoughts swirled in her mind, restless emotions threatening. Her body had been resurrected, but somehow, the peace of mind, the oneness of spirit had not returned. Was two years really that long a time? Or was it the permanence of the thought that she had been dead. Too many questions, too few answers. And as always, there were more important matters at hand that had to be dealt with first. The nights were not that restful any longer.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Shepard awoke to her sixth sense nagging at her. She slowly opened her eyes and let them adjust to the dark. Sensing now the presence in the room, she sat up slowly and calmly, letting her visitor know she was aware of their presence.

"You could have knocked," she spoke to the darkness, only half expecting an answer.

"There, it's finished," Jack's voice echoed from across the room. The biotic flipped the puzzle on to the bed with a smug air.

Shepard smiled and looked at the cron as she brought the lights up a bit. Almost 2:00am and the woman in front of her looked tired and defiant.

"You left this for me. What was it, some kind of challenge? Think a dumb convict couldn't figure out your puzzle?" Jack confronted her, hands on hips.

The spectre just laughed, drawing an incredulous look from the biotic. "First of all, as long as you think of yourself as a dumb convict, that's how everyone else will view you."

"Second, it's just a toy, Jack, a little game, " the commander's voice softened. "Thinking about how you were raised, I thought you might not have had anything like this."

Jack, who's attention had been caught by the tank, swung around. "Oh, so it's a pity present, well fuck you, Shepard!"

The commander wrapped the biotic in a barrier and lifted her off the ground. Immobilized, the woman was furious and had a murderous glint in her eyes.

"Enough of this already, Jack, I don't pity you. Is it so hard to imagine that someone just wants to be your friend? Does everything have to be a threat?" The spectre was eye to eye with the ex-convict now, forcing the contact, seeing the doubt creep into the biotic's gaze. "You work so hard at not being close," Shepard continued.

"Yeah, who needs close, Shepard? " Jack breathed hard but she had ceased struggling against her bond. "You let people in, they just need a shorter knife."

"So you just live your life alone, Jack?" the spectre challenged, her eyes blazing in the dim light.

"Lonely and alive works just fine," the biotic's words no longer held the fire of conviction.

Shepard slowly lowered the biotic, alert for any retaliation. She didn't anticipate the beaten, hopeless look in Jack's eyes. She reached out to touch her arm, half expecting the woman to pull away. But Jack surprised the commander by falling into her arms, sending them both reeling back onto the bed. For a moment, neither moved. Then the spectre burst into laughter.

Shepard felt Jack stiffen and grabbed her hand to prevent her from turning away. The commander couldn't help but notice the hurt look in the young woman's eyes.

"I wasn't laughing at you, Jack, well, not exactly, just look…"

The commander held the biotic's right hand with her own, covering Jack's pinkie and thumb.

"See," she said, pointing, "EAT. I just thought that was the funniest tattoo."

Jack pulled her hand away and opened it, remembering when she had DEATH tattooed across the digits of her right hand. She pulled down her pinkie and thumb and grinned at the spectre.

"Well, I'll be damned, I just never saw it that way." The biotic looked at her hand as if she were seeing it for the first time. The tension gone, both women broken into uncontrollable laughter. Any time it seemed to be stopping, Jack would hold up her three fingers and it would all begin again.

"So?" Shepard was the first to regain her breath.

"So what? Have comments on any of my other tats?" the biotic asked.

"I don't know, haven't had a good enough look at them."

"I can fix that," Jack answered quietly, slipping out of her leather harness.

Shepard admired the lithe body, intrigued by the artwork that rippled with every movement. The commander moved closer, tracing each of the dark vertebrae that crept up her right arm. She meant to stop, but found herself tracing the red circles, touching the band that was so deep it had raised a scar, following the tribal skull to the top of her shoulder until she reached the cross. Shepard glanced at Jack's face, but the biotic's eyes were closed, her breathing shallow.

She moved closer again, laying her hands upon the skeletal fingers. Her fingers brushed the biotic's throat, feeling her pulse. Jack's hands came up, encircled her wrists and drew her hands lower. Shepard's breathing quickened as she felt nipples hardening under her palms, soft skin begging to be caressed. Jack's eyes opened and Shepard saw her own longing mirrored in the biotic's eyes. Their lips met and both lost all track of time.

The commander woke to the beeping of her personal terminal. She gently untangled herself from the sleeping form beside her and padded silently over to the terminal. Messages that could be read later, the Illusive Man could wait. She turned off the volume, made sure her door was secured and went back to bed.

"Regrets, Shepard?" the biotic asked sleepily.

"Yes," she said with a smile, "I really didn't get a good enough look at this side." Shepard playfully flipped the biotic over and straddled her, pinning her down. Jack didn't struggle much, enjoying the feel of the spectre's strong hands as they played across her back. After a while, Shepard slid to a side and pulled the biotic close, the length of their bodies touching.

"Jack," Shepard whispered, "I never meant it to be this way. I was just trying to be a friend."

"So, you do regret it?" came the weak response.

"No, it's just that, well, I thought you needed a friend first."

"Be honest with me, Shepard."

"I am, I'm also confused."

Jack rolled to face the spectre and was amazed at the depth of emotion clouding the commander's eyes.

"It's really not that complicated," the biotic began, her pulse quickening as she slid on top of the spectre. This time it was Jack's turn to explore and the blissful sensations chased away the turmoil in the commander's mind.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"So, what have you done to Jack, anyway?" the pilot asked as the commander approached him.

Shepard almost choked, not expecting that question. She wondered if he had control of all the vids again.

"What do you mean? She acting up again?" the spectre answered innocently.

"No way, commander, like just the opposite. She's actually helping Tali. And Sumara hasn't threatened to wash her mouth out at all today. Did you find some extra chemicals on the last scan or something?"

"Maybe she's just adjusting to be a valued part of a team, with no one out to kill her, " the commander suggested.

"I don't know, seems pretty sudden to me, " Joker seemed unconvinced.

"You know, getting knocked off a cliff can sometimes change your view a bit," she countered.

"I guess so commander, but still, keep an eye on her will you? We can only hold so much crazy you know."

Shepard just shook her head, amused with the pilot's seriousness. "Point taken, Mr. Moreau, now get us to that relay, will you? I know we need the platinum, but these are just not my idea of fun missions."

"You mean you don't get to blow holes in anyone or come back with more scars to brag about?" Joker teased.

"You know me all too well, Joker, people are going to talk," she smiled at the blush that crept up the pilot's neck. "To Taitus, then?"

"Yes, ma'am, right on it, " Joker snapped to attention and his hands played across his keyboard. "Who should get suited up, commander?"

"Garrus and Tali for this one, I might need their tech," she replied as she turned away. "I'll meet them at the airlock as soon as we're in position."

"Alright, ma'am, I'll relay the message."

Following around a YMIR tech, switching batteries was worse than she imagined. Not even the target practice with the varren eased her mood. Garrus and Tali both kept their distance as she stomped back to the shuttle. The ride back was thankfully quick for the pair. They watched quietly as the commander stewed in the corner. Garrus' one attempt at conversation was killed with a look.

Back on the Normandy, Shepard strode right to her quarters. She couldn't pin down what was bothering her. Playing miner while the Collectors were out there? The seemingly endless numbers of mercenaries to be exterminated? The door swooshed closed behind her and she threw her armor at the locker.

"Figured you'd be more of the neat freak type," a voice commented from the other side of her cabin.

Shepard spun around in annoyance, then relaxed a bit at the sight of the illustrated woman.

"You know you need an invitation to come in here, don't you?" the spectre asked, anger draining away.

"Seems like you've been making me come in here quite a bit lately," the biotic smirked. "Hey," she added, "what goes with not taking me on the last couple of missions? Am I getting to be a liability or something?"

Shepard wrapped the biotic in a shield, lifting her from the floor. "Think you need to be taught a lesson, bad girl."

"So, who you gonna get to help you, bitch?" Jack challenged with a grin.

"I think you might enjoy that all too much," the spectre snickered. "Guess I'll just have to take care of you all by myself."

Jack's eyes bulged, then she started squirming as the shield around her pulsed in all the right places.

"What the fuck?!!" she exclaimed as the waves of pleasure overwhelmed her.

The biotic was breathing hard, her body quivering as the spectre gently dropped her on the bed. Shepard's hands took over then, soft stroking bringing her back to the edge. Gentle kisses on sensitive skin, teasing her until she begged for release. Granting her wish, then holding her as she collapsed in blissful exhaustion. For the longest while, the spectre lay over the still form, tracing the patterns that played across the tight body.

As her breathing returned to normal, Jack lay back relaxed, her senses enjoying the sweet caresses. She studied the troubled spectre, wanting to speak, but not knowing what to say.

"Where did you learn to do that?" she finally asked softly, unwilling to break the mood, but curious.

"There are uses for biotics other than violence, Jack," Shepard responded after a slight hesitation. "You just have to practice to get the right touch."

"You must have had plenty of sparring partners volunteering for that one," Jack grinned, then frowned at the far away look that had come over the spectre's face. "I mean, well, I would have signed up for extra rounds, um, just to help, you know." Jack's eyes were beginning to droop, sleep overtaking the drained biotic.

Shepard smiled weakly, her voice barely a whisper. "Biotics are an amazing thing really, but so new to us. Other races have perfected what we think science into an art. You should see what an asari can do." She glanced down at the sleeping form beside her and lay her head back on the pillow. Sleep wouldn't come for her, her mind too occupied by memories.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Shepard's steps were heavy as she wandered the ship. Without thinking, she found herself on the third deck. She entered the main battery and saw a familiar profile working a terminal.

"Shepard, what brings you around at this hour?" the turian's eyes twinkled with amusement. He sobered when he saw the tortured look on her face.

"So, come to share some stories with a fellow anguished soul?" Garrus asked softly.

The commander leaned on the rail, her eyes gazing out at the machinery. She didn't even know where to begin.

"Garrus, ever been so confused over someone, you don't even know what you feel anymore?" she asked.

"Sure, I had the reach but she had the flexibility. It ended in a tie."

"Garrus.." she pleaded, but laughed in spite of the way she was feeling.

"Confused, Shepard, or guilty?" he asked.

Her eyes dropped at his words. "Both," she whispered.

"Well there's always a simple answer," the turian suggested.

"Shooting her won't solve anything," came the snide answer, followed by a weak smile.

"Jack can take care of herself, commander."

"Who said anything about Jack?" Shepard responded a little too defensively. "OK, so maybe I've dragged her into this."

"She didn't look like she was being dragged anywhere when she snuck into the med bay. And it might just be me, but I didn't see you breaking into her quarters," he answered matter of factly.

"Once C-Sec, always C-Sec, is that it?" Shepard couldn't help but smile at her friend.

"So what's really bothering you, Shepard? It's not the biotic, but she does seem to be distracting you."

"I'm still in love with Liara, Garrus," she whispered, almost afraid to say it out loud. "Only I died on her and I guess she can't forgive me for that."

"Hearing you were alive was a bit shocking for all of us, Shepard. Not knowing where your loyalties were. Maybe you just need to give her a chance to see that it's really you, not some Cerberus robot in your skin. Then again, maybe it was the having to live without you that was the problem and whatever else she has been through to get where she is. Maybe you should try to understand the whole picture before you jump to any conclusions." The lecture over, Garrus let the conversation lag, a comfortable silence between friends.

"I think you're right, Garrus," the spectre conceded. "She asked for time, but I didn't understand. I thought she was just pushing me away gracefully."

"Hey, when you live for 1000 years, you can't be blamed for adjusting slowly," he grinned.

The spectre's smile was much more genuine now, a clear path starting to form in her mind.

"Thanks, Garrus…" she began.

The turian cut her off before she said any more.

"Just give me a little warning before you tell the crazy convict. I think I'll go hide behind Grunt for a while."

"Goodnight Garrus," she said turning to leave. "It is good to have you back."

The turian beamed as he turned back to his terminal. He had been thinking the same of his commander.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Shepard's steps were lighter as she returned to her quarters. She hadn't meant to spill her guts to her old friend, but so much for planning. The spectre felt much brighter in spirit, like maybe there was hope for a future with Liara. Time would tell.

She entered her darkened quarters and glanced at the bed, relieved at seeing it empty and made. Another mess she had caused. She sat at her desk and the photo of Liara smiled out at her.

"Oh, Li, I seem to have made a mess of everything without even trying to. I miss you so much. I wish you were here to talk to. To tell me how much I've screwed up, then to help me find a way to fix things. You were always so good with puzzling out the best solutions.

You see, there's this woman who touches my heart. Not in the places that were yours, but she makes me want to hold her and soothe her and take away the fear. Her edges are so sharp, she cuts anyone that comes close. Anyone except me. She's so bitter, she's been so abused, but I can see the person underneath, straining to get out. I want so much to help her get there.

She's the most amazing human biotic I've ever seen. But she hasn't learned the grace of her gift. She needs someone to show her the way. Like you did for me. Somehow we wound up lovers, but it's more of a mutual need, a longing, than the love you and I shared. Or maybe you just spoiled me, allowing me a glimpse of eternity. Oh Li, I so want to be her friend, to be there for her. I want to be worthy of her trust. And now I think I'm only going to be another one who hurts her.

I miss you, my soulmate. I can see you and talk to you, but I can't touch you or hold you and it's breaking my heart. I miss seeing the world through the wonder in your eyes.

I don't know how to fix what I've done. But I know now that I must be patient, be honest and maybe someday you'll come back to me. I love you Liara and I'll be here waiting, for however long it takes."

Shepard lay her head in her arms and sobbed silently.

Subject Zero uncurled her form from the chair in which she had been sleeping earlier. The opening door had awoken her, but she dared not moved once she heard the commander's strained voice. Tears rolled down her face as she silently approached the tormented spectre. A muted sniffle gave her away and Shepard slowly raised her tear streaked face to meet the biotic's eyes.

"Jack, I…." she stuttered.

"You know Shepard, " the biotic said quietly, "we're a couple of sorry assed pussies." Then she smiled through the tears and hugged the commander. "No one else has to know, right?"

"What, and ruin our tough reputations?" Shepard smiled weakly.

"She must be something to have that hold on you."

"I'm sorry, Jack, I really am. I don't want to hurt you." Jack could see the sincerity in the spectre's eyes.

"Hey, well, at least you didn't try to put a knife in my back," the biotic joked and then felt bad when she saw the hurt look in Shepard's eyes. "Hey, did you really mean all that?"

"All what? You know I really wasn't paying attention to my ramblings," the commander confessed.

"About wanting to be friends and showing me other ways to use my biotics?" she asked, almost shyly.

'Yeah, Jack, I did mean that. But I don't know if I'd be the best teacher. I was just learning myself," Shepard admitted.

"Well how about when we finish kicking some Collector ass, we go collect that asari of yours and make her teach both of us. She'll be begging for you once she gets a load of me." Jack was so serious that Shepard burst out laughing. Jack grinned and joined her. Tears still flowing, a friendship begun.

"We are still sorry asses," Jack muttered.

* * *

Returning from a mission, covered in a noxious slime, Garrus beamed as his prize student graciously accepted the congratulations of the team for a job well done. With one well placed shot , Jack had finished their assignment. Ok, so she cheated a bit and used her biotics to enhance her range. That was their little secret. Miranda fumed at Shepard for being excluded today, she was just another fiery one. Should be some interesting conversations later on.

No, this wasn't the old crew, but this one sure had a bit more spark to it.

* * *

As she approached the cockpit, Shepard smiled, shaking her head as EDI's image materialized, complete with a handlebar moustache.

"Joker?!"

The pilot looked guilty, but then smiled broadly.

"C'mon commander, it looks great on her." Then seeing the look on the spectre's face, he continued. "OK, it was just a little joke, I'll reprogram the visual."

"Hey, you know, commander, I think you've almost made a regular citizen out of our crazy," he said, nodding to the woman holding up a terminal with her biotics so Tali could get below to make a repair. She was smiling, chatting with the nearby crew as Tali bustled about the machinery. A cut off tee shirt had replaced the leather halter, lending her an almost respectable look.

"Amazing what a little time can do," Shepard commented.

"Just one thing though, ma'am, could you get her to do something with the hair?"


End file.

Mass Effect, Friendship, Romance