Smallville 1. My Choice

Notes: So this story is based on a dream I had a couple of nights ago. It's a future fic and while they are no longer together there are references to a past slash relationship between Lex Luthor and Clark Kent, but it's not graphic, and there won't be any sex scenes (at least I don't think there will). Be prepared for a lot of angst and some adventure, and I guess this is a hurt fic, at least partially. It's complicated, but you'll see where we're going.

"Tell everyone waiting for Superman  
That they should hold on as best they can  
He hasn't dropped them, forgot them, or anything  
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift," The Flaming Lips

There have been a lot of major turning points in my life, probably starting all the way back when I was with my biological parents, the day my mom and dad found me, but I don't remember any of that. The first event I do remember, I was playing with Dad in the yard and I started running faster than I could have ever thought possible. Then all of the sudden I was in the middle of the woods, and my dad had to get Sheriff Ethan to help him find me.

I think that was the first time I realized how different I was. Not that my parents would have admitted to it back then. I was just special, that's what Mom always used to say. Still, I still felt that even if there wasn't anything wrong with me, I was different. I learned just how different shortly after that day on the bridge. That was also the first time I met Lex.

I think you could measure the majority of my life with instances that involve Lex. You've got the day of the meteor shower…sometimes I wonder if any of this ever would have happened if it hadn't of been for that day. I wonder how Lex would have turned out otherwise, although I find it hard to believe that too much would be different…We have the day on the bridge, the day he gave me the truck, the day I gave it back, the day we first became friends.

We were friends for a long while before I realized that I was in love with him, and shortly after that, I realized he was in love with me too. We've got our first kiss, the first time we made love, the first time we fucked, the first time I tried to change him, and the first time he didn't listen. There was the day I learned he was still investigating me, even after three years, and the day I forgave him for that.

I've got the day I figured out that no matter how much I loved him, no matter how much I cared, no matter what I did, Lex was never going to be the person I wanted him to be. I didn't end it right there and then, even though I could have. I stayed, because I loved him and I thought that maybe, if I could just give him enough love, and show him that he was worthwhile, eh might just make it after all. I thought I could keep him from going over to the dark side. Maybe I could make everything be all right.

I loved him. Part of me still does, and I was willing to do anything to try and help. Then one day, I just knew it was pointless. Even I couldn't rescue Lex, he was beyond saving, he didn't even wanna be saved. He didn't even care. All he wanted was power, unlimited power. I don't blame Lex for what he's become. It's Lionel's fault, mostly. Lionel Luthor didn't want a child, he wanted a clone, but a clone that didn't have any of his faults. He pushed Lex, tested him, hurt him, scared him.

Lex wasn't born a monster, he was made one, through years of—god knows what, but the point is, Lex can't have ended up like this on accident. If Lionel had simply been a bad father, then Lex would have let me save him, he would have been alright. Not that it matters how he got to be how he is, the point is it happened. Lex is a monster. There's no one to save him now. All I can do is try and protect the world from Lex Luthor.

There were more turning points in my life after Lex, but I don't feel like listing them all, or thinking about them all. It's been years now. I doubt he remembers me anyway, and even if he did, he probably still hates me for leaving him, hurting him, especially since I promised I'd never do that. I traveled for a while, saw the world, and let everybody forget me, so I could start over.

I moved to Metropolis, went to work at the Daily Planet. Now I put the costume on under my clothes, and I spend my nights flying around—yeah that's right, me flying—patrolling the city, the world, whoever needs me the most. I help them. I save them. Sometimes I have to stop them, but that's my job. I'm strong and there re so many things I can do. It would be wrong, selfish, for me not to help. Plus every person I rescue, save, or convert from a life of crime, makes me feel a little less guilt for not being able to help Lex.

Funny how everything comes back to him. That's what all of this is about of course. All my angst-ridden nostalgia. Lex has another one of his famous plans. None of us—the rest of the league and I—is completely sure what he's going to do. Technically we're not even sure of anything, except that he's up to no good. We had a meeting, to discuss the issue, and we decided, as a team, that somebody (i.e. me) needed to investigate further.

So now I'm going to talk to him. The only question in my mind is whether I should go as Clark Kent, or Superman. He hates us both, and he probably wouldn't tell either one anything, but I think if I go in there in the uniform, he might try and, well hurt me. Whereas if I go in as Clark, I can pretend to be there interview him for whatever reason and I can try and work my own angle into this, ask my questions.

Who knows, maybe I'll actually get somewhere. So after all that, here I am, sitting in my apartment, trying to formulate a plan. I don't know if I can do this. I mean, I know I have to do it, but… I haven't seen him in years. I haven't the faintest idea how he's going to respond to me, or what's going to happen when we're together again but I know it won't be good. Oh Lex.


	2. Old and New Friends

AN: I only use Bart/the Flash, Ollie/Green Arrow, and Bruce/Batman at the JL headquarters because otherwise it would be 1. too much work and 2. confusing. Plus I'm only going to need them for this chapter and maybe I'll have a couple of them show up in the last chapter.

"When I was a young boy,

My father took me into the city

To see a marching band.

He said, "Son when you grow up, will you be the saviour of the broken,

The beaten and the damned?"

He said, "Will you defeat them, your demons, and all the non believers, the plans that they have made?" My Chemical Romance

"Clark Kent," Lex says, slowly, like he's eating the words, savoring them. "Now there's a name I haven't heard in years. You sort of disappeared for a while, didn't you? After you left Smallville, I mean."

"And you—uh—I mean…how did you figure that out? Er—what I was asking is—uh…" Lex motions for me to take a seat in the chair in front of his desk. His new office doesn't look much like the one I was used to. There's a big window behind him, and we can see most of Metropolis out of it, but the glass is dark and no sunlight comes. Not only that, but all of that wood paneling, stained glass, and velvet curtains from the mansion have been replaced by a cold metal desk, dark paint, blacked out windows, and tiled floors. It's sterile, and cold, like a hospital—an admittedly disturbing hospital, but one nonetheless.

He looks older too. He looks a lot older, tired, angry, bad. I mean bad in a literal sense, like some sort of evil villain out of a comic book. "After we—after everything, I just sort of felt like I needed to get away for a while and I just sort of—I'm glad you agreed to this. It's good to see you again."

"Don't be offended, but I'm not buying it. Let's skip the formalities, okay? Just get down to business. Luthorcorp's newest project shows bright promise towards a better future. It has the potential to help millions, while connecting them to each other. So, we finished?"

"That sounds remarkably similar to the press release that every newspaper in the country ran this morning."

"Well that is probably because I just repeated it word for word. I'll have someone show you out. You have a tendency to try and snoop around when it comes to Luthorcorp projects."

"Lex, I came here because I was hoping you would at least—," but he won't let me finish. Lex cuts me off.

"I don't owe you anything, Clark. You broke up with me; remember? But this has nothing to do with that. I'd have told the same thing to anybody. The project is still in a very experimental stage."

"Lex, you and I were friends for a long time and…"

"We were a lot more than friends," he snaps, "but that was the then. This is now. Please, leave. This is the last time I'm going to ask you. Get out of here, before I have to call security," he says, reaching for his phone.

"I know you well enough to know when you're hiding something from me. You're up to something. I just came here, to tell you to be careful." Lex gives me this look, like he isn't sure whether to throw me across the room or scream. He takes a couple of deep breaths, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Clark, even if there was a problem, if I was hiding something, it's none of your business. Now get the he—get out of here." So I do the only thing I can do, I leave.

//XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX//

"You have to go back," Bruce says as soon as I finish telling him about what happened.

"Yeah, I figured that one out on my own," I tell him with a sigh, as the two of us sit down at a table.

"I know it's hard. I went to school with the guy for two years. We were friends in those days. It's not easy; you think that you should have been able to save him. You think you could have stopped all of this."

"Lex wasn't always like this. We both knew him when he still had a chance to be a good guy." Bruce nods, but it's the end of our private conversation, because a couple of the other guys come in and naturally they assume the only reason I'm back is because I've discovered exactly what Lex was up to.

"So what's the damage, Boy scout?" Ollie asks, sitting down across from me and next to Bruce.

"Yeah," Bart rushes in and out of the room, the smile never leaving his face. "The big bad wolf gonna blow the house down or what " he asks, between zipping into the kitchen for cookies and milk and coming back.

"I—uh—he…Lex kind of completely blew me off. Then he kicked me out of the building."

"I told you those glasses made you look like a geek. You should do like the B-man and the rest of us. Get yourself a mask."

"Maybe we should send somebody else. I could go and talk to him. Lex and my relationship may only be a business one, but he might be more willing to open up to me."

"Yeah and while we're at it, why don't we all go over there, in costume and unmask in front of the guy," Ollie interjects. "Come on, Bruce. If anybody besides the Boy Scout goes back there, Luthor's gonna figure out exactly what's going on."

"You call me that one more time and I'm going to take your head off with one of those stupid arrows of yours." Oliver ignores the comment, but Bart laughs so hard milk comes out of his nose. That's sort of the way things are here, at least when the girls aren't around anyway. It's almost like being back in high school, except that I don't have to hide my abilities anymore.

"I'm right though. If I weren't, you'd be using logic instead of threatening me. Now we've just gotta come up with an actual plan, so he doesn't kick you out again."

"What if he recognizes me? I mean, I was just in there…" Part of me actually believes this. I can't even count the number of times I've seen Lois get that look in her eyes if she's got an image of Superman nearby and I'm in the same room. But that's only a tiny little bit of it. Mostly, I don't wanna have to face Lex again. We sit around, talking for hours and eventually, we do come up with a couple of ideas.

Our first thought was the "blanket accusation," angle. Which is just what it sounds like, I go over there and say something like, "I know what you're up to," and pray that he'll take the bait.

"This whole plan thing is bogus. You shout just race through that place, grab and grab whatever you need to prove what he's doing," Bart tells me.

"Yeah, 'cuz Lex Luthor has everything we need to stop him typed up on his laptop and saved in a file called 'my evil plans,'" Bruce snaps. If he's angry, then you know it's bad.

"Look, I don't need a plan. I'm just gonna go over there and talk to him. Something is bound to happen. Even if he doesn't tell me exactly what he's got planned, Lex has this bad habit of bragging to me about this kind of stuff, especially when he thinks I won't be able to stop him." I stand up and head for the door, but just as I get there, Bruce grabs my arm.

"Be careful, alright? He's got a history of going after you, just as soon as he spills his guts. Keep an eye on him at all times."

"I can handle Lex Luthor," I tell him and then, I walk out the door, but as I'm about to leave, I can hear them talking about me.

"Yeah, like I haven't heard that one before," Bart says. "Come to think of it, I was the one that said it."

"One of us should go with him," Bruce continues to try and convince them, but nobody will listen.

"He'll be fine," Oliver says, and that is the end of it. Then I go back to talk to Lex.


	3. Confrontation part 1

AN: So I know the plan is kind of stupid but it's the best I could come up with.

"I know that you've been damaged  
Your soul has suffered such abuse  
But I am not your savior  
I am just as fucked as you  
I can not save you  
I can't even save myself  
So just save yourself," Stabbing Westward

When I was in his office this afternoon, I had a feeling that one of the reasons Lex had his windows so dark was so that people can't see in from the outside. When I fly over there, I ca see just how true that is. He's had the entire building redone so that nobody can see into it. There's only one reason for somebody to do that. Lex is hiding something or thinks he has something he needs to hide.

I hover just outside his office window, by the balcony waiting for him to notice me. It's after midnight, and he's still there. I want to think he's waiting for me, but I know he's not. He doesn't care anymore.

"You're trespassing on private property, Alien. It would be completely within my right to kill you now. Fair warning."

"Last time I checked you still don't own the sky, at least not yet. Isn't that right, Lex?"

"You don't know me well enough to call me that. It's Mr. Luthor to you, terrorist. Now tell me, what is you want?"

"I want to talk to you, but not through a pane of glass. I've got some concerns, I'd like to discuss with you." Lex presses a button his wall and one of the panels slides off to the side, and Lex steps out onto the balcony.

"What are you planning?" he asks, attempting to stare me down. "You're up to something. You and those friends of yours are always up to something."

"I think they call that projecting. Which probably means that you are up to something. As for me, all I do is try and help people."

"You're to powerful to be helpful, he tells me, and then steps back into his office without inviting me in. Lex stands beside his desk and pours a glass of scotch.

"So there's no such thing as pure motives?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. He watches me for a minute or two, as if he thinks I might e making a joke. Then he chuckles. "So what are your motives, _Mr. Luthor_?"

"You're going to need a bigger lure than that. Not that I have anything to admit to, but if I did I wouldn't give it up as easy as that." Then Lex turns his back to me, opens a desk drawer, looks inside and shuts it again. "Why don't you come inside," he offers, just a little too kindly.

I know he's got to be planning something. Lex has nothing but disdain for Superman. It's overwhelming, and then all of the sudden he invites me into his office for a drink. Something is not right here. No, I'm just being paranoid. Still, I should have a look around just in case. "If anything of mine is damaged by whatever it is that allows you to see through objects like that, I'll need an address to send the bill to you at."

As I step inside, there doesn't appear to be anything out of the ordinary. Lex's office looks the same as it did this afternoon.

"I'm always around, whenever people need me," I explain, but he doesn't seem sure. Lex sits behind the desk, leaving one hand on that drawer. Then he sorts of nods at me, like he's saying I should sit down. "If it's all the same to you, I'd rather stand."

"You claim you've got nothing to hide and yet you refuse to accept my offers for a drink and a seat. You came to see me, but you're behaving as though you don't wish to be here." I don't tell him that he's right. I'd rather be anyplace other than here right now. I'd rather be doing just about anything, except this.

"I never drink when I fly." I explain and he looks at me with a smile sort of smile.

"There's a bottle of water over there, " he tells me, gesturing. He laughs, when I check it. "It's water. Plain, ordinary bottled water." So I pick up the bottle and take a sip. "Besides, that's from my newest project. That's what you're here about isn't it?" he asks.

"You're manufacturing bottled water? Why on Earth would you—even. I mean, is there some sort of—I mean, are you sure this is just water?" I ask, feeling slightly off. There's a voice in the back of my head that's telling me to get out of here. "You're hiding something from me."

"I wouldn't do that," Lex says with a smile that is far to big. The voice is screaming now, _he's going to try and hurt you_. Part of me wants to reach across the desk and take his hand, maybe move it away from whatever is in the drawer, maybe do something else. All I know is that I don't. What happens next happens fast but it seems excruciatingly slow. I am so thirsty, and even though the water tastes strange, I gulp down the rest of the bottle.

My chest starts to tighten, and every once of strengh drains from my body. I feel sick to my stomach and my whole body aches. Lex stands, advancing towards me. I back away from him and he forces me back onto the balcony.

"What. Was. In the. Water? What. Are. You. Doing?" I ask, and Lex smiles, now standing only inches away from me.

"The water. You were right, alien scum. There was something in that water. Refined Kryptonite enhances people's bodies in ways a brain like yours could never fully comprehend, and it has these nasty little side effects on you. I call that a bonus," he says, as I slide to the ground, all but melting into a puddle.

"…Can't. Do that. People. Have a. Right. To know. What. Putting. Their bodies," I gasp. Lex lifts me up, from under my arms, pushing me back against the railing.

"I can do anything I want," he informs me and then he pushes my body over the edge and I start to fall. I can see the ground coming at me, incredibly fast. The Kryptonite in my system seems to be tearing me up inside. Then I hit the ground and the world goes black.


	4. The Plan

"It may sound absurd  
But don't be naive  
Even heroes have the right to bleed  
I may be disturbed  
But won't you concede  
Even heroes have the right to dream  
It's not easy to be me," Five For Fighting

The next thing I remember is waking up on the ground with people standing over me. I still feel like I'm dying, like the life is being sucked out of me by a vacuum cleaner. I only hear bits and pieces of what people around me are saying.

"…Where'd he…from." "Thought…couldn't get…" "…Drunk?" Then I see J'onn's face and I blank out again. When I come to this time, I'm in a bed back at HQ, in the "hospital" area. It doesn't hurt anymore, which means he managed to get most, if not all, of the Kryptonite out of my system, but I'm still exhausted.

There are a couple of people in the room. I can tell this without even opening my eyes. I just sort of sense them. Then they start talking and I can hear their voices and figure out who it is.

"I told you not to send him," Bruce says, not as mad as much as he seems concerned. "We knew he couldn't do this. You knew what Lex would—."

"Oh come on. Nobody could have seen this coming. Kryptonite in bottled water. It's…" Oliver's voice trails off.

"Crazy?" Bart asks, but it sounds like he's just gotten into the room. "Wack? Bogus? The water hits shelves in two weeks, by the way. I just saw a TV commercial for it."

"Who would have thought your incessant TV watching could actually be useful," I say, opening my eyes. "How long was I out for?" Everybody crowds around the bed as soon as I say this. They ask me all sorts of questions. _Am I okay? Does anything hurt? What happened?_

"Did he say anything to indicate that he might...that he has some idea, that well, that would make it sound like he knows, about you?" Ollie asks, leaning over the bed, all but accusing me of blowing our covers. I know that this is just how he acts, and he isn't actually pissed off.

"Dude—that is not cool. Little Boy Blue over here almost died. Give him a break," Bart says, pulling him back.

"He almost died, because he trusted Lex Luthor! I wanna know just how much, and, I wanna know what he said."

"If he knows, he didn't say anything about it to me. He was just trying to get rid of me. And, if you ever call me that again—I'll tell everybody about that time in Metropolis with that girl…" Bart's face turns bright pink.

"So what exactly made you think it was safe to eat or drink something that Lex Luthor gave you?" Oliver starts grilling me again.

"I don't know. Just chalk it up to nerves I guess." I say and then I start to think about this whole thing. "If Lex is that close to releasing the product, it means he's got the stuff all ready to go. We have to stop it," I say as I try to stand, but Bruce pushes me back down.

"Relax. We already found the warehouses. Yeah—there's two of them, and we're going to take care of it."

"And we want you to sit out on this one," Ollie says, sitting back into his chair. The look in Bart and Bruce's eyes tell me that he hasn't discussed this part of the plan with them.

"I think he's right," I tell them, even though I don't. "I should stay as far away from that stuff as possible, but I think you're gonna need a decoy.

"What are you talking about, man?" Bart asks, his mouth full of food. Everyone stares at him. "What? I was hungry."

"Somebody needs to keep Lex occupied. So the rest of you can take care of business. Who's in this time?"

"Us, Victor, and A.C., just like the old days. Pretty cool huh?" Bart says, wiping his mouth this time.

"I don't think you should go back there," Bruce and Oliver say almost in unison.

"Neither do I, but somebody has to talk to him. I was thinking I should go as Clark, pretend that it's personal." The guys watch me for a few minutes before realizing I'm not going to back down on this one. I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to say to him, but I do know I have to do this.

They sit around talking for a while, going over the plan. I'm still pretty out of it, so I don't hear everything, but I do know that they're going to destroy the water and try to find any more Kryptonite Lex might have saved up. If they find anything they will, of course, destroy it as well.

After the other guys leave, Bruce stays behind, to talk to me. He moves his chair closer to the bed and waits until I come to again.

"I know you think you can help him, but Lex is dangerous. You've gotta be careful with him."

"It's just that—Lex used to be a good guy. Well he tried to be good. And I'm not even sure how he got to be like this."

"Yeah, I know. Look, you go back there enough times, he's gonna figure you out. I just think this should be the last time you come into contact with him as—you know…as Clark."

"He tried to kill me. It's not like I'm looking forward to seeing him again, but I have to try one last thing."

"I know, I've already said it a hundred times, but Lex Luthor is dangerous. Please, be careful, okay?" I don't say anything for a while, I just sit there, staring into space and concentrating on not losing it and then I turn back to him.

"Okay," I tell him and then as he's right at the door, I open my mouth again. "And Bruce, this isn't your fault either. Neither one of us could save him. I don't think anyone could have."


	5. The Lovers That Never Were

WARNING: WARNING: WARNING: okay I think that's enough. From here on out the slash is no longer just implied. I tried to keep it out but it crept in near the end of the chapter. Clark's going down a dangerous road and he knows he can never come back, but sometimes love makes you do things you know are stupid and dangerous.

"I Hang Patiently On Every Word You Send.  
Will We Ever Be Much More Than Just Friends?  
As For You, You Sit There Playing This Game;  
You Keep Me Waiting  
When All Of The Clocks Have Run Down,  
All Over The World.  
We'll Be The Lovers That Never Were," Paul McCartney

"You know, I thought I was being clear the last time we spoke. This isn't Smallville, Clark. You can't just stop by to chat whenever you feel like it," Lex says standing up and leading me into his office just the same. "Can I offer you a drink?" he asks, holding up a bottle of water, but not the Luthorcorp is producing.

"You're infusing meteor rocks into the water your company is going to sell to unsuspecting and innocent people. Do you have any idea how bad that stuff is? You saw what it did in Smallville." Lex laughs at my comments and then gives me this look. "Off the record."

"Massive exposure can have some negative side effects, but for the most part the stuff's perfectly safe. And just how exactly did you find out about this Clark? It's not what I would call public knowledge."

"A little bird told me," I explain, cracking a small smile. Lex's smile fades and he stares at me for a minute.

"An annoying little blue-bird I presume? Funny, I thought I had taken care of that particular problem."

"Yeah, well that guys quite a bit stronger than you think. And he's pissed off, in case you were wondering."

"He's a terrorist Clark, filth, a bug—I'm surprised you would associate with someone like that, what with all of your supposed morals. Or are you slipping?" Lex gets up, and walks right up to me. He stands just inches away, and then reaches out to touch my face. I let him get close, let him think he has a chance, and then reach up, weakly pushing his hand away.

"The guy stands for truth and justice. He puts criminals behind bars and gets cats out trees. He's—the guy is—he…I," I let my voice trail off. Damn this act is hard sometimes. I'm going to have to pretend to trip on my way out, maybe I can knock something over. He's gonna be watching me for a while after that outburst.

"I can't believe I ever thought you were special," Lex spits the words out, like something foul. Then he goes back to his desk.

"I told you—I mean, uh...I tried, tried to tell you. I'm just some farm kid. I'm sorry. I never—I didn't mean to disappoint you." I stand up to leave, but he's across the room in half a second, and he grabs my arm. Of course I have to let him. Lex pushes me up against the wall, pining my arm behind my back, and I let out a pained yelp.

"Do you have any idea what I could do to you right now? Think about that for a minute. Then you can have your arm back." Lex's voice hisses in my ear, but all I hear is, _I want you back, I want you back, goddamn it I want you back and I'll do whatever I have to in order to get that._ When he lets me go, I rub my arm for a minute or two.

"What the Hell happened to you Lex? You used to be a decent man. You were one of the good guys. You used to care about people."

"Not hardly," Lex says, pretending to laugh. "At best, I was a wolf in sheep's clothing. You saw goodness because that was what you wanted to see and when the blinders came off, you left."

"Well, at least you've shown your true colors now. If I thought for a minute that you wouldn't retaliate in some completely insane way, I'd tell the world everything I know."

"What you know is nothing, Clark. The best you've got is rumors and speculation, and whatever lie that alien filth told you. Truth is extremely subjective. What's true to me is nothing to me."

"You don't like him because you're afraid of him. You know he's the only open who could ever take you down. He's everything you're not, Lex, and you can't stand that."

"And justice…that's what the mob calls taking out a man who rats them out. That's what I call what I did to that terrorist who broke in here and tried to kill me. Justice," he repeats the word, scoffing.

"The way he tells it, you invited him in for a drink laced with meteor rocks, knowing full well that it could kill him!" That was a mistake. I shouldn't have done that. There's no way the other guys are finished at the warehouse, and now he's going to kick me out and go directly down there.

The phone starts to ring and Lex reaches for it. "Wait!" I call out, rushing to his side and 'accidentally' hanging up the phone in the process.

"What? You've got a couple more choice names you'd like to call me? Or maybe you would like to accuse me of some horrific crime? Wait for what? Wait for you to destroy me? Wait for your little friend to fly in here and finish the job?"

"No, I'm sorry. I should have come to you first. I should have gotten both sides of the story before making up my mind. I'm sorry."

"How sorry?" Lex asks, looking up at me and away from the phone, which has started to ring once again. I watch him lick his lips and then smile. "Well? What are you willing to do, to earn my forgiveness?" Then he stands and walks right up to me. He leans right into my face his lips all but touching mine. "Well?" he asks again. I can feel his breath on my face. It's warm and it smells slightly sweet. Then I kiss him, just once, mind you, one kiss.

I should have known better than to come back here. It's a good kiss, an amazing one. I've said that my only weakness is the Kryptonite, but really I have two. I've got the rocks and Lex. I can't get within five feet of that man.

It's just like I said. I never stopped loving him. Damn this is going to be hard. I'm already living a double life, now I have to add another secret. How the hell am I going to explain this to the rest of the guys? Damn, I missed him.

"Can we go someplace more private?" I ask, hardly able to believe that the words are coming out of my mouth, and Lex nods.


	6. Unbreakable

"I am unbreakable   
but it looks like I could  
sometime soon.  
You are unreachable  
about as possible as me touching the moon," Spill Canvas

Lex and I take a limo back to his place, his new place. It's an apartment, right by his office at Luthorcorp. The whole way over, in the car, he keeps trying to decide whether he should attack me with kisses and maul me with his hands or if he should just wait, leave me alone. He's acting confused, but I don't think he is. I think he's waiting to see what I'm going to do.

I know I've missed him, and anytime we are close, it hurts deep inside, but I would have thought that Lex had gotten over me by now. I think mostly he was mad because he wasn't the one to end it. Lex feels like he needs to have control over everything. We'll probably have tonight and then he'll jerk me around for a while and eventually dump me, which will hurt even more than last time, but it will at least be over, for good.

Lex's apartment is huge, and dark. He's got more of those tinted windows, black carpet, dark gray paint on the walls, black furniture, leather and suede. The sheets on his bed a sort of plum color, silk, I think, but by this point I'm hardly paying attention anymore. It's a good thing I chose to come here without the suit under my clothes, because Lex's hands all but rip them off so fast, that I could have sworn he was the one with super speed abilities.

"My god, you look good," Lex, gasps, running his hands over my chest. "Why do you dress like that," he asks. "You're still…" Then he moans, loudly, and kisses me.

"Wait," I whimper. I want him. Oh man, how I want this, but I'm worried. I wanna make sure he doesn't know—about me.

"You're the one who wanted to come here, Clark. What's going on? It's almost like you're distracted."

"I guess I just—look even if he did attack you first, you almost killed that guy and you don't even feel guilty, do you?"

Lex sighs, stepping away. Then he gives me that look. The one he uses when we fight, because I'm trying to push him into a change and he doesn't know how to tell me that he just can't do it. It's his, _what do you expect, this is me_, look.

"How many times are we going to have this conversation? I am who I am. That's not gonna change." He stands there, fiddling with his tie.

"I'm worried about you, is all. He might not be human but you are, and maybe I don't—I mean. I dunno." Lex is right; we've had this conversation more times than even I can count. We both hate it, and it's excruciating.

I just wish I could help him. They guys are probably done now. I could walk out the door; end it once and for all. If I was lucky, I'd never see him again, not as Clark anyway. But I don't do that. I don't do any of it. My feet and my body betray me and I end up standing right next to Lex.

Then I kiss him again. He pushes me back a little, knocking me onto the bed. Lex takes s his own clothes off much more slowly, folding them and placing everything in a neat pile on a chair in the corner.

"Are you sure about this?" he asks, walking back to the bed. Then he leans over my body, kissing me, hard. "Something doesn't seem right," he tells me after a minute.

"Has this got something to do with Sup—with you know who?" Lex shakes his head. "I'm not using you to get a story, but that's not it either, is it?" He sits on the bed, beside me, looking at his feet.

"I'm doing the best I can, Clark. I'm not a bad guy, really. I'm just—I," he stops, sighing. "I don't know."

"Do you want my help?" I ask, sitting back up and draping my arm over Lex's shoulder. He shrugs.

"No. I'm doing all right. Being with you, sometimes…you make me feel guilty even when I haven't done anything wrong. If this is gonna work, you can't do that." I pull Lex's body close to mine, kissing the top of his head. I love him.

I wanna fix him. No matter what Lex says, he is broken but I want to be with him more. I wanna be with him and I would give anything to have him, well almost anything.

"Okay. I'm sorry. I was just, doing what I thought was best, but I was wrong." Lex and I fall back onto the bed and we make love. It's slow and beautiful and I feel like the two of us just might be all right after all. Of course I feel like I'm going crazy.

I love him, and all I have ever wanted was to be with him, but now that I have him, I just don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna have one Hell of a time explaining this to the guys. I could try not telling them, but…they'd figure it out eventually, and if I lie they're going to think they can't trust me about anything.

"You look like you've got something on your mind. You okay?" Lex asks, and I can tell he means it. I shake my head, knowing full well that I can't lie to him. "Clark?"

"I guess I'm just trying to decide if I should say, 'I love you,' or not," I admit, which while partially true, is not really what I've been thinking. I don't know what I'm going to do now.

"Well, if you really feel that way you can say it and I won't hold it against you. But if you're just trying to—if you only wanna say it because you think you should…"

"No. I feel it. I do. I don't think I ever stopped, but I think it's not always that simple, you know?"

"Yeah, I do. And Clark, what you said, me too."


	7. The Mistake

"That if the bomb drops baby  
I wanna be the last to know  
But now you're living up behind the hill  
And though we share the same city and feel the same sun  
When your winter comes  
Ill be the last to know, Del Ametri

"You were out late last night," Bart Chuckles as he enters the kitchen, as usual his mouth is full of food. "You visit Lois after you finished tying up the bald eagle?"

"What?" I ask, all but chocking on my coffee, not about the bald joke, but in response to the other part. I haven't had a chance to talk to anyone yet. How could Bart, of all people, know? It is, of course, only after I over react to the question that I realize he didn't mean that the way I thought he did.

"Dude, you alright?" he asks and sits down at the table. Neither of us says anything for a while. "Oh man," he exclaims after a marathon staring contest.

"Look, can you not say anything about this to the others, okay? I'm not trying to hide it, but I—I think it would be better if I told them." Bart stands up and walks away with out saying another word. He just shakes his head, and like that, he's gone

Bruce and Ollie come down about an hour later. They're both still dressed in tennis outfits; obviously they've been playing all morning. No pun intended. They're close but they aren't together.

"…Yeah but the thing about the grappling hook is that, ok hey Clark. You okay?" Bruce asks. Oliver sort of ignores me, but I'm not sure if that's because he knows what I've done or if he's just pissed that he lost the match.

"I um—listen guys…we need—I think we should talk. I uh—what I'm trying to say—how did everything go last night?" I ask finally, changing the subject. Oliver shrugs and Bruce just looks at me for a minute, like he's trying to stare me down.

"Well we didn't run into any problems and we managed to get rid of all the tainted water. But you know Lex; he's always got something up his sleeve. It's only a matter of time before he does something else," he says, and is about to go on but Oliver cuts him off.

"You know, you've been awful quiet since you got back. Did you say something to Lex? You did, didn't you? What did you say to him?"

"To Lex? We didn't do all that much talking actually. Most of the time he, he just sort of stared at me."

"Do you think he knows that you're Superman? I mean f he looks hard enough anybody would be able to see it."

"Oh shut up would you. Do you actually think that Clark would screw up that badly? He's the most careful of any of us. He's been doing this longer too."

"Lex Luthor is a dangerous man and if he figures out Clark's secret Lex knows just how to hurt him, how to torture him and make him talk."

"I wouldn't do that," I tell him probably getting too defensive but I have a good reason for feeling guilty. "I mean—uh. I haven't done anything wrong."

"Of course you haven't," Bruce tells me. "He's just a—you know what? How about we all just take a couple of deep breaths and try to relax.

"Look. We've all underestimated Luthor before. That's not a mistake I'm going to make again. I want to be sure that the Boy Scout doesn't either.

I'm starting to feel like I've done something unforgivable. I mean sure, Lex is not a great guy, but I've got everything under control. I can handle being with him, and doing my job at the planet and being Superman. Maybe I shouldn't tell them. At the very least I shouldn't tell Oliver anyway.

"Bruce, do you think we can talk in private for a minute?" I ask, ignoring the eye roll from Ollie. I think he senses that I've done something wrong. He doesn't know what I did though. In fact, I doubt he has any idea whatsoever.

"Yeah, sure. Follow me. I've gotta make a phone call, but as soon as I'm done, I'm all yours," he says with a smile. The whole time Bruce is talking to whomever, I'm going back and forth in my head, trying to figure out what I ought to saw to him and how much I should tell him.

"I uh—I need to tell you something. It's not a big deal, at least I don't think it is, but I thought maybe you and I could talk about something. Yesterday, Lex and I…We started talking and a lot of emotions sort of came up and," then I don't know how to finish. I'm never sure what to say when it comes to Lex, especially when it comes to this stuff.

"And you slept with him, again, didn't you? Look, I hate to sound like Ollie, here but Lex _is_ dangerous. You need to be careful if you're going to continue to see him."

"But you're not gonna try and talk me out of it," I ask and Bruce shakes his had. "Do you at least have some advice?"

"I can't tell you what to do, but I can promise that I won't say a word of this to the other guys. Just—just keep your eyes peeled."

"Yeah. Thanks. I gotta go. I was supposed to be at the planet twenty minutes ago, I tell him. All day long, I'm distracted. Usually, even the bustling newsroom can't take me away from whichever story I'm working on, but not today. My mind is on Lex. I can't stop thinking about him. I don't know what I'm going to do. I want to be with him. It feels amazing, incredible, wonderful. I love it. I love him.

Everything with Lex isn't great, but the good stuff and the fantastic sex pretty much makes up for everything else. But sex isn't everything and with Lex there are a lot of other problems. Sometimes I'm not sure whether or not the good stuff can make up for the bad. I'm not in Smallville anymore.

Lex almost killed me. I can't just throw myself into a relationship with him…but I do love him. These are the thoughts that Race through my head all day long and on the way back to my apartment. Later, I help take care of a small apartment fire (as Superman) and I even save a kid who got scared and locked himself in his room.

Then I go back home and pass out from exhaustion. I can't remember the last time I was this tired. I don't even bother to change clothes. Then, sometime around midnight the doorbell rings. I throw a robe on, to cover the uniform, and go to answer it. Of course Lex is standing outside. I guess he made up my mind for me. Oh well, he did come all the way over here; I might as well let him in.


	8. Dangerous

AN: Clark is in deep shit here, and even if the rest of the Justice League members find a way to save him, he'll never be the same. Oh and I totally ripped that Kyrpto-bracelet thing off of somebody, but I don't remember who. So if it your idea, it was a good one, so thanks, and if you let me know I will give you credit in the next chapter.

"We lost a lifetime when I disappeared, now I am coming back to you.  
I wish I could fly, I know I can save us somehow.  
You thought you were safe and sound but you need a hero now.  
You gotta believe even with broken wings,  
I've come to your rescue and you can't rescue me," American Hi-Fi (I think)

As soon as I see Lex through the peephole, I feel my heart beating just a little bit faster and this general feeling of warmth washes over me. I'm not even tired anymore, not really. I practically rip the door off of its hinges getting it open for him. Lex, who had been knocking enthusiastically, stops cold and stares at me.

"I was expecting, 'hello,' or 'hey, Clark. It's good to see you again,' but that'll work too. Lex? Are you okay? Have I got something hanging from my nose?" I ask, but he doesn't even crack a smile.

"Clark?" he asks, looking up at me and then rubbing his eyes. "Is. That. You?"

"Of course it is. Who else would I be?" I ask, trying to be nonchalant, but something in Lex's eyes has me worried. I can't tell exactly what he's thinking, but he's got that look on his face. Lex watches me, staring in silence for another minute or so then lowers his eyes and somehow everything about him seems to darken.

"I should have known," he says, barely audible. "I was right about you all along." That was louder. _Oh boy_. This is not good. This is probably the worse situation I have ever found myself in.

"Lex, I can explain. Just come inside and talk to me, okay? I—please?" I reach out to touch his arm, but Lex pulls away in disgust.

"Don't touch me, Alien Slime. You—you've been lying to me since the day we met, haven't you? I was right—but you…" In spite of everything, Lex enters my apartment, cautiously. As much as I want to hold him and talk to him and tell him everything, I know that I can't.

I know that I should be formulating a plan right now. I should try and figure out a way to convince Lex that I'm not Superman. It would be even better, if I could make him just forget all of this. Only, I'm not doing any of those things. I'm not even thinking about them, except for the back of my mind, The only thing I can think of right now, is trying to get Lex to forgive me so that things can go back to the way they were.

"Lex, I'm sorry. I didn't want—I never meant to hurt you. I love you," I try to explain. I would say more, but nothing else comes to my mind. Not that it would make any difference. Based on the look he's giving me, I'm never going to get another shot with Lex, no matter what I do.

"What could you possibly know about love?" he demands. "You're not even human!" It's all of my worst nightmares rolled into one. The only thing that could possibly make this worse would be if Lex pulled a chunk of kryptonite out of his pocket.

"Lex, listen. I know you're mad at me right. I know you think that all of this is unforgivable. I that you—I know you're—I know."

"You know nothing" he says, cutting me off again. "And you—you're," Lex stops and takes a minute to compose himself. I guess this whole thing was a bigger shock to him than I thought it would be. I watch helplessly, as Lex's hand slips into the breast pocket of his jacket, and he opens a led lined box. He slips a ring with a green stone onto his finger.

My chest tightens and my heart starts to beat so fast I feel like it's going to explode. My head hurts, everything hurts, and I can feel the strength melting from my body. Lex is up and at my side, within an instant and when his hand slams into my jaw; it feels like I've been hit by a train. I try to talk, but the words and the air won't come. The last thing I see is Lex Luthor standing over me, smiling.

//XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX//

I don't know how long I was out for, but I wake up in a dark room. I'm on some sort of a table with cuffs around my wrists, ankles and neck. I still feel weak and woozy, which means that there is still some Kryptonite, somewhere, but I can't really see anything. Then I hear Lex's voice.

"Time to wake up," he orders and suddenly the room is flooded with bright fluorescent light. "Open your eyes!" he screams and I have no choice but to comply.

"Lex," my voice comes out in a pathetic croak, but I force myself to keep going, despite the pain. "I'm sorry. Please. Just let me explain. I can explain everything.

When he laughs, it hurts and not because it feels like my skull is trapped in a vice. It hurts in my chest, a deep, cold, piercing sense of loss and longing. Then he gets quiet again, as if he were waiting for something. "Lex?" I ask, trying a different approach. "Just tell me what you want," I offer. I don't need to turn my head, in Lex's direction to know he is smiling.

"What, do I want?" he repeats, with a dark and angry voice. "So many things, I want so many things. And you are going to help me get them all. Then, maybe, I'll let you go," he says in a voice that tells me he never plans fulfilling the second half of that promise. For a while neither one of us says anything and then he walks to my side and leans over me. "Well?" he demands.

I watch as he lifts a large chunk of Kryptonite from his side and places it on my chest. Then he walks across the room, opens and closes a drawer and comes back, carrying a gun. He places the pistol against my head, his finger curled around the trigger. "Well?" he asks again.

All I can do, I swallow hard and say, "okay, Lex, whatever you want." His smile grows wider as he lowers the gun. Then he takes the rock away, and undoes the straps on the table. Lex wraps a metallic bracelet around my wrist, and without asking, I know that there must be some kryptonite in there.

"That won't activate unless you attempt to take it off," he tells me. "Come along then. We have a lot of work do."


	9. The Worst Thing

"You say you don't know  
You tell me don't lie  
You work at a smile and you go for a ride  
You had a bad day  
The camera don't lie," Daniel Powter

Lex leads me through a maze of hallways, making me terribly confused and remarkably dizzy. He walks no less than ten steps ahead of me the entire time, not saying a word other than the occasional, "hurry up," or "don't touch me." I try to talk to him, of course, but with each failed attempt I grow more and more doubtful of my chances.

By the time we get to the place he's taking me, I've all but given up on ever having any sort of a positive relationship with Lex. It looks like Oliver was right all along, which is bad enough by it self, but it doubly sucks now. Either I'll never get out of here and my lasts thoughts we be of how Ollie was right and I was wrong, or the other guys will rescues me and he'll never let me live this down.

This would all be so much easier if I was under the influence of Red-K. At lest then it wouldn't all be my fault. I trusted Lex Luthor. I didn't just let him back into my life, I trusted him, completely. That has to be the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life.

"Would I be correct to presume that while I'm wearing this thing, you'll be able to track my location at all times?" I ask, even though it's a really stupid question. I just wanna hear his voice. I just want him to talk to me again.

Even after all of this, after everything he's done to me, I still love Lex. Part of me still believes that he is capable of real change, that he just might (one day) be able to forgive me. Lex doesn't say a word. He just stares at me angrily, as if he can't believe I would ever ask. "Lex, talk to me. I just—I wanna. Is there anything I can do?"

"Go back to your apartment. Tomorrow morning you are going to take care of this," he says, tossing me a folder. I don't even look at what's inside. I know it's going to bad, might as well try to delay the inevitable.

"Come on, man. Just talk to me. We used to be best friend. I care about you. And I know that you have got feelings for me too."

"1. we used to be friends, 'used to be' being the key words there.

If you had ever cared for me at all, you would have told me the truth, and

I have nothing but disdain for you. I hate you," he says, but won't even look at me.

"If that were true, if you really didn't feel anything then you wouldn't mind that I lied to you. The only reason you're so upset, is because you cared."

"Shut up," he says, backhanding me, hard, across the cheek. Then he turns away. "Get out of here, or you are going to really regret all of this."

"I know you well enough to know that you would never really hurt me. Lex, you're not a bad guy. I know that. This isn't you."

"Leave. Now. If you don't, I will be forced to hurt you, and for the last time you don't know anything about me."

"Lex, please. I love you. I'm sorry. I never meant for you to get hurt. I'm sorry I lied to you but we don't to," I'm unable to finish my sentence.

There is a sudden, terrible explosion of pain in my hand. It runs all the way up to my shoulder. It's almost as if every bone in my arm has been replaced by Kryptonite. The pain starts getting, worse as it spreads throughout every bit of my body. Lex slugs me, again, and I fall to the floor in complete and total agony.

"Keep talking and I'll do that again. Maybe I'll turn the juice up a bit next time," Lex says, showing me the remote control that is, obviously, connected to my bracelet. "You dropped this," he tells me, throwing the folder back in my face.

"What the hell was that," I'm barely manage to squeak out, after several minutes go by. The pain in my arm is gone; at least it is for now.

"That was only fifteen percent of what that little thing on your arm can do. Been working on it for almost a year now. If I turn the juice up past 50 the pain alone would probably kill you." When Lex tells me the last part, I can see just how much he has come to hate me and that he's not only thought about what he just said, but that he's probably planning it already.

"You put a microphone in this thing too? I wanna make sure you have completely invaded my privacy. That way you won't have to bug my phone in order to find out whether or not I'm betraying you when I call to order a pizza. How about we set up cameras in my apartment too? What the hell happened to you?

Lex's hand reaches for the remote, and I can't do anything except flinch. Luckily he doesn't push the button. "I don't know why I ever thought that anybody could save you. I don't know why I even tried."

"Please," Lex rolls his eyes. "You never tried to do anything for me. You liked having me around so you could have someone to blame when everything went wrong. I'm a Luthor and therefore a perfect scapegoat."

"There were very few things that went wrong in Smallville to which you couldn't be connected in someway, but you don't have to be that guy. When we first met, you told me the last thing you wanted was to turn out like your dad, and I thought I could help you so you wouldn't have to."

"You didn't honestly expect that to work did you, Clark? I am not like my father, not in any way. I'm not!"

"No Lex, you're worse," I say, and super-speed off before he can get a chance to zap me with that thing again. I know I should check in with the other guys, tell them what I've gotten myself into, so they can help me get out of it, but I don't do that. I don't even call them.

I just go home. Then I set my alarm and climb into bed. I lay there, praying that maybe, just maybe, Lex will change his mind. I don't expect a full conversion over night. In fact, I doubt he'll ever play on the side of the angels, but there is a chance, however small, that part of him can still be saved.

If I have any luck at all, I reached this part of him today, and I hurt it. When I finally do fall asleep, I have no idea what's going to happen with this Lex thing. But when I hear the phone ringing at 5:00 AM, I know it's him.


	10. Back to Good

Sorry for the cliffhanger and tense shift but I got tired of writing in present tense.

"Well I don't wanna be president  
Superman or Clark Kent  
I don't wanna walk round in their shoes  
cause I don't know who's side I'm on  
I don't know my right from wrong  
I don't know where I'm going to  
I don't know about you," Fastball

I decided to answer the phone politely because I knew the call was from Lex, and to be perfectly honest I was more afraid of him now—especially because of the bracelet—and the last thing I needed was to piss him off. Still it was 4:00 am and even I need some sleep. Despite my best efforts, my response was less than nice.

"…have any idea what time it is?" The words were cut short s the device took a bite out of my arm—at least that's what it felt like—and Lex cleared his throat. "Sorry," I said, but my voice didn't sound like my own. It seemed pathetic, and weak, and small.

"Wow, didn't think it would work this well over that sort of a distance." Lex sounded sort of happy, but also a tad bit off. His words were slurred. _He's drunk, and angry, and beating up on me, to make himself feel better,_ I thought. I wondered briefly if he was going to kill me, whether or not I should call the guys, and how the Hell things got to be this way.

"Lex, how did this happen?" I asked, ignoring the red flags and alarms going off in my brain. "We were in love; we were happy. What changed?" I braced myself for another jolt, but it never came...not yet.

"Why don't you tell me? I wasn't the one who ended our relationship," Lex snapped. Coming from anyone else those words would have sounded silly, or wussy, but not from him. Maybe that's because it was true.

"We were fighting all the time, lying, and hiding things from each other. We both knew what was coming; but honestly, I figured that if I told you I was leaving, it might motivate you to change."

"And I was so mad I—Clark, Jesus Christ, it's 4:00 in the morning. Why didn't you say something?" he asked, and I could picture him sitting behind that cold, sterile desk, staring out the window, watching the city below him, listening to Vogner, and the cars hustling by. Not that there would be a lot of traffic at that time of day. I was scared of reminding him, but at the same time didn't want to lie to Lex any more than I had to.

"I did, when you first called. That was when you shocked me with the thing," I told him, tentatively. I heard a sound over the phone like a curse word. "It's okay, Lex. I don't really need that much sleep." I was used to these sort or phone calls from him. Back when we were together, whenever we had a fight, Lex would get mad because, he said, I was trying to make him somebody else. Lex said it meant I must not love him very much, if I was trying to change him all the time. I used to tell him we'd both be happier, and that I didn't expect him to change in any major or significant ways.

The truth was that I didn't want him to change. I wanted Lex to be the same person he had been when we met, but he wasn't. We'd scream at each other for a while, tell me "I never want to see you again," and I'd storm off. Later he would call me up, early in the morning, drunk, and tell me how sorry he was. He really was trying to change. Everything was gonna be alright, he always promised, but it never was.

"I probably shouldn't have called," Lex said, now, the way he used to. I didn't know why he was doing it again; I was angry with him, but worried too. "Shouldn't do a lot of things, but I seem to do them anyway."

"I don't mind, Lex, really," I told him, again, but it couldn't possibly sound convincing. "Look—I'm sorry I snapped at you before. I wasn't—I mean—I uh—" Lex interrupted me, mid-sentence.

"It wasn't your fault Clark. It's way too early for me to be calling you. I didn't even need anything. Guess I just—how badly does that thing hurt you?" he asked, and I knew I could lie and tell him it wasn't bad, but found myself unable to do that.

"Remember when you got shot?" I asked, and there was this strange sound, tiny, like maybe his head was moving on his neck, nodding. "About a hundred times worse. Feels like electric bullets or knives or something, shooting up my—Ahh! What did you do that for?" I shouted. This time it was even worse than the last.

"I'm drunk. I think my judgment might be compromised. Probably shouldn't trust somebody, especially somebody who does nothing except lie to me," he explained in that sort of logic you get only when you're drunk.

"How," I gasped, doubled over, pain all through the inside of my stomach, arms, legs, and head. I was fairly sure I was about to throw up, or pass out. "How do you get it to hurt in all these different places?"

"The shocks send signals through your veins and arteries, and my remote has a couple different buttons so that you'll get hit where ever I pick. I've been testing each of them, one by one. Next one sends signals all over, but mainly to the crotch." Lex chuckled.

"I just vomited, in case it helps with your research." I told him and all the sudden the line went dead. Every sound I heard over the next thirty-nine minutes caused me to flinch. Then there was a knock on the door. My legs felt like they were made of Jell-O, but I got up and answered it, naturally, it was Lex. I could feel his hands all over me as I was being led towards the couch.

The next thing I knew, it was bright, and light outside, daytime, but I got a bad feeling, like I might have been out for a whole day. Lex wasn't there anymore, but my answering machines had about a hundred messages, work, Bruce, Ollie, Lois, the Daily planet…not a word from Lex. I had thrown up all over myself, before Lex got there last night, but now I was clean, my hair all spiky, like I had been in the shower and then laid down in sweat pants and a t-shirt—no underpants, but I knew he hadn't raped me. Probably just couldn't find them.

I tried to stand up, my legs still wobbly, but better, and made my way to the kitchen where I heated up some chicken soup, ate it, and waited for Lex to call back. I sat on the couch, half sleeping through two fire alarms, a burglary, and the phone ringing from what sounded like really far away. Woke up again, and this time Lex was standing over me, it was daylight outside again, which meant I'd been out for a really long time.

"Are you okay?" he asked, leaning over to touch my face and arm. "It's been about two and a half days," he tells me, almost managing to sound human. "I wanna take the bracelet off." If I didn't know better, I would have sworn he was crying. "I'm sorry. Back when we were in Smallville, all those times you magically showed up, or disappeared, when you saved me. You could do this stuff back then? Guess you haven't changed much have you?" Lex looked at me, and when I lifted my head to meet his eyes, I could see the man he used to be, the man I fell in love with.

"No, I guess I haven't." The look on Lex's face changed and I could tell he was fighting between feeling disgusted and trying to convince himself I wasn't the disgusting and horrible creature he thought I was. "We don't have to talk about that right now," I said starting to sit up.

"But you are—from a different planet?"

"Actually—I just started working at the daily—and you're not in the mood for jokes right now. Yes, I am. I know you think it's gross, but I haven't changed. I'm just like you; only bullets bounce off my chest. At least they used to. With this thing around my wrist might not happen anymore."

"You're _funny_," Les said, but doesn't smile or laugh. I saw him reaching into his pocket for the remote, fingering it carefully. 'There were messages on your phone from someone named B, a guy calling himself Wiz Kid, and Mr. Green, all wanting to know if you're okay. Clark, or Superman, or whoever must get around."

"Those are nicknames for, The Green Arrow, Batman, and The Flash. They work with me, at my second job. You know the one where I save people's lives?"

"Pulling cats out of trees, too—if I'm not mistaken," he taunted. "Batman…it's the funniest thing, I could of sworn that sounded like Bruce Wayne's voice. Must have been my imagination."

"Bruce Wayne? Like that dope could even spell Batman, let alone, act like him, and those gadgets…I interviewed him once. Guy's a loser." He smiled. "See, even you know it…not that you're foolish or anything."

"Must have been an idiot not to see what you are," he snapped, as if I there was an actual response to that. "I can't believe I slept with you—God I'm sorry. This is difficult. I wish I could trust you, but I—there were just so many lies. You never once trusted me with any of this. If you had just told me when we met, it wouldn't have even been a problem. I gave you everything and you lied to me!"

And with that a sharp, extraordinarily painful electric charge exploded in my chest. I screamed and the world went pitch black. The last thing I saw was Lex, the same look of utter terror, shame, and helplessness on his face from that day on the bridge.

XX

I woke up two days later, Lex said two days, to a slue of phone messages, both worried as well as angry, and an extraordinary concerned Lex, holding the dismantled bracelet in his hands. For the longest time he just stood there, unable to make eye contact or speak. I knew I was safe now. _It would be so easy to hurt him_, I thought, but knew I'd never be able to do _that. _I guess what it came down to was whether or not I was willing to stoop to his level, which I wasn't.

"What made you—why did you take that thing off of me?" I croaked. He just sort of stared at me, instead of trying to answer. "Damnit, Lex, what happened to you?" I screamed, weakly.

"I—just. I'm sorry, but this whole thing sort of hit me in a really weird way. I mean, you were lying to me for—what was it ten years? Fifteen? Maybe more? I'm sorry for the bracelet, but—I just wanted you to know what I felt like."

"I never tried to kill you."

"Technically it was your body that tried to choke the life out of me when Lionel did the transference thing."

"So Lionel stole your body, poisoned me with meteor rock laced water, kidnapped me, ad put a Kryptonite band around my wrist?" I snipped, as h e sat down beside me, gently stroking my cheek with his hand.

"No, that was all me," he admitted, and dropped an arm around my shoulder. "Clark, I'm sorry. Are you okay?" he asked, watching my shoulder and chest in amazement. "You were really banged up, but once I put this thing away it just—everything went back to looking perfect."

"I uh—that's how it always is. I um—the Kryptonite is basically radioactive. It can deform, destroy, and even kill people, and because of the ways in which my body differs from yours, from all people, it's the only thing that can hurt me. I'll be fine…and I'm here for you, but we don't need to talk about me, unless that's what you want. I can answer any questions—or we can just," Lex cut me off, again.

"No, I mean, I wanna talk about me, about my problem, and I would really like it if you would help me, if you think that's still possible. Do you?" Lex asked, almost sounding desperate, although desperate is the one thing I'd never heard from Lex Luthor.

"The one thing you taught me—well I learned a lot of stuff—but the most important thing I learned from you, is that anything is possible. If you're willing to work for it, I think, I know, we can make things work between us." This time I wrapped my arms around him, sitting on my sofa, our bodies so close I could smell his cologne and sweat.

"Why are you willing to go through all of this for me?" he asked, looking up, wide-eyed, and in shock. "Why haven't you…why don't you just give up on me? Everybody else does. No one expects anything from me. You're different. What makes you think I can change?"


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: I found two more chapters I never posted for this story while organizing my computer files. So here they are. I haven't looked at these in years so...don't know how good they are.

"No one else can fix me although sometimes my heart tricks me  
into thinking someone else will do  
But you're the only one you are the only one," Rhett Miller

"It's strange," Lex says quietly after some time goes by and I still haven't answered him. "I saw myself changing. It was gradual; I didn't get this way over night. You must have seen it too and you were trying to help with that, but I was angry because I thought I was hiding it so well. As much as I hated my father and didn't want to be anything like him, I wanted him to love me even more. For years, I worked so hard trying to impress him, trying to prove that I deserved it, but," his voice trails off. "He died a couple of years ago and he still never said the words, 'I love you.' I don't know. I feel like I'm using him as an excuse for my behavior.

"Part of me knew, knows that the things I'm doing—the things I've already done—I knew it wasn't right, that I shouldn't do it, but I went ahead anyway. I don't want to be that person any more though."

"Okay. Look, I'll be here for you, no matter what, and I am going to help you. If you need anything, just call me." Lex takes me down a dimly lit hallway, with velvety purple carpet and into a room that looks remarkably similar to that office we used to hang out in Smallville. "I like this room," I tell him.

"Yeah, me too. You up for a game of pool?" he asks, then stands up and starts getting the table set up before I can get a chance to answer him. He already knows what I'm going to say.

"Sure." I grab a cue and stand at his side. A couple of minutes pass, and the game starts to progress. Lex doesn't say anything, neither do I. "You

Re still freaked out by the whole alien thin, aren't you?"

Lex shrugs and then tells me, "I'm not sure what to think. Technically nothing's changed. I shouldn't feel—it's just going to take me a little while to get used to things."

"I wanted to tell you. I even tried once or twice, but it never seemed like the right time. Something always went wrong. For that, I am sorry. Maybe if I had been honest things would have worked out better." I know we're both to blame for everything that's happened but I feel like I am for responsible for some reason.

When it comes to Lex, I've always thought that I have more responsibility towards him than anybody else. I should be the one to save him, every time. It's all me. If it has to do with Lex then it should be me.

"come on Clark. You weren't the only one being less than honest. We both screwed up. I don't think…I'm not sure whether any of this was avoidable. I probably would have turned out this way even if you had done everything right."

"If I had told you the truth, you would have trusted me and so when things started to go wrong, you would have come to me for my help. You would have let me help you, and I might have been able to fix everything."

Lex looks at me like he's about to start with one of his 'you think you are supposed to be in charge of helping everyone and that you have to be the one to do everything,' speech but then he stops, and says, "look, I don't wanna fight about this. Let's just try and move on instead of arguing over who was right and who was wrong."

"Do you really think we can make this thing work again?" I ask. Lex doesn't answer me. In fact he doesn't say anything. He just looks at me for a couple of minutes and then takes a shot.

"I guess that depends," he says and then pauses. I can tell that something big is coming and so while I would usually push him I just wait. "Do you really think I can change?"

"If you want to, and you're willing to work towards it, then yeah. I think you can do anything." When I say this, he gives me that look again. "Did I say something I shouldn't have?"

"No I was just—I'm still wondering. You never answered my question. How come you never gave up on me? Everyone else in my life—in the world—acts like I'm completely worthless, beyond saving, but not you. Why?"

"I don't know. The truth is, I did give up on you, sort of. A couple of days ago, I thought that you had changed, you're heart—I thought it had frozen or died or something and I know how stupid that sounds. But I loved you; I mean I still love you."

He stands there for a minute, looking a little angry or maybe frustrated. Then he drops his cue and marches up to me like he's going to hit me, but he doesn't do that. Instead he hugs me tight. Then he leans over and whispers in my ear.

"I love you too, Clark, and I'm sorry for all of the times I've hurt you, especially the past couple of days. I really screwed up and I hope you can forgive me for that." We stand, holding each other for what seems like hours. I love feeling his body up against mine again, smelling him, feeling his breath on my face, hearing his heart beating.

I missed everything about Lex. I really hope this can last. I hope he is going to go back to the way he used to be, because I'm not sure if I could handle losing him again. I just love him so much.

"This is nice," I manage to tell him after a little while longer. "I wish we could just stay like this for ever." He sort of laughs, running a hand down my left thigh, and brining his lips up to my lips.

"Are you sure you want to stay here?" he asks, pressing himself even closer to me, so I can feel his hardness. "Like this? There isn't someplace you'd rather be? Or something you'd rather be doing?"

All I can do is nod, and follow him back to the bedroom. Lex lays me on top of the covers, slowly, undoing each of buttons on my shirt, and kissing down my chest, gently.

"You know," I tell him as he slides my pants off, softly, and placing them on the floor. He leans over me, and licks my cock, once, teasing it. "I could have gotten all of our clothes off in less than thirty seconds."

"There are only about five things my father ever taught me that are in any way useful. I think the most important one was this. There is a right way and a wrong way to do…everything."

"And the right way for us to have make-up sex is for you to torture me?" I ask after the second time he teases my prick. Then he looks up and smiles at me.

"Don't be such a baby," Lex warns, his smile widening even more. "My way might take longer but trust me, you'll never go back." He's right of course. He almost always is.

Lex makes love to me twice, and both times I cum so hard, I feel like I'm going to explode. Then he lays down beside me, exhausted. He lays his head between my shoulders, breathing heavily. "Told you some" he pants, his eyes blinking closed.

Then he says, "I love you," again, so I forgive him for acting like a brat a minute ago. When he closes his eyes, this time I realize that he's about to fall asleep.

"I love you too, Lex. Everything's gonna be okay. We'll figure it out, eventually. I promise, you and me are gonna be just fine." Then he opens his eyes one last time before drifting off.

He smiles at me and says, "Okay, Clark. I trust you."


	12. Chapter 12

AN: pretty sure I'm finished, and I do know which chess pieces are which, but I would imagine that Clark wouldn't.

"Now I don't worry about the future much  
Now I don't think about the past  
Now I'm learning how to laugh again  
This is where I want to be now," Everclear

Things with Lex haven't been easy, lately, but nothing worth having ever is. We've been spending a lot of time together, whenever I'm not at work or out being Superman, that is. Lex is trying his best, working to get Luthorcorp. Turned around and everything. Bruce thinks he's sincere; Oliver's less trusting. He thinks the whole thing is an act, but I think Lex could win the Nobel Prize for peace and Ollie would still think he was plotting world domination.

As for the others, they don't seem to care either way, as long as Lex keeps his nose clean. I think I like it better like this. It was exciting for us to be secret lovers, with me ever so carefully trying to persuade Lex that maybe being evil wasn't the best way to live, but this is so much better.

Now we don't have to hide and I don't need to lie to anyone or worry about him realizing that I'm Superman, or of that. He still has his moments, from time to time. About a week ago, Lex was telling me about this idea he had. It was really complicated but had something to do with creating a gigantic power plant, but instead supplying power it would store it up and he could sell it to the highest bidders.

Then I reminded him how it wasn't exactly fair and that a lot of innocent people would get cheated. I know he hadn't thought of that part, because when I told him, he got this look on his face like he had been hit in the stomach. Lex has been doing a lot of work with combining the company with a bunch of charities too.

I'm pretty sure that's my favorite part of all o this. I didn't just get the guy I fell in love with back, I got the guy I always knew he could be, if he just worked at it, a little. Right now, I'm watching him sleep, and thinking about the first time I ever figured out that not only did I like Lex, but he liked me too.

We were in his old office in Smallville. He was trying to teach me how to play chess, but I couldn't really concentrate. So I'd make a stupid move and Lex would sort of giggle, but not in a girly way. Then he'd put my piece back and smile at me.

"Trust me Clark," he kept on saying. "You don't want to do that." I reached for my knight, just as he was putting my castle thingies back. My hand brushed up against his, and I think I jerked it away quickly, because I was worried that if I left it there too long, he'd figure out I had the world's biggest crush on him. Then he would think I was sick or weird and he'd never talk to me again.

I looked up then, about to apologize, but when my eyes met his, I saw the longing in them. I saw the same look I saw in my own face, every time I looked in the mirror. At that point, I knew I had no choice. So, I did the bravest and most daring thing I ever had to do. I leaned forward, until our mouths were only centimeters apart and I could feel his breath on my lips. Then I kissed him, just once, a quick, shy kiss and he smiled, and I knew everything was gonna be okay.

"A million dollars for your thoughts," Lex says sleepily, rousing me from my daydream. He's still smiling even though it's years latter and we're not in Smallville anymore.

"I was just thinking about you," I tell him, "and the first time we ever kissed each other." I watch as he sits up, and wraps an arm around my waist, all the while still smiling at me.

"Technically you kissed me. Although, I'm to sure if what you did actually qualifies as a kiss, but you've bitten a tiny bit better over the years. So I think you can be forgiven for the first time."

"Oh, just a tiny bit, huh? So I guess you wouldn't mind then, if I were to—oh I don't know—practice? Like with somebody else? At least, until I can do more than just a tiny bit better."

"Oh, quit whining. You sound like a girl," he says, and then pulls me closer, like maybe part of him is still afraid I might walk out on him if he isn't perfect one hundred percent of the time.

"It's okay, Lex. I was just kidding, and I know you were too. I love you," I add quickly and then smile. "Even if you aren't the best kisser I've ever been with."

"Is that so?" he asks, as if I've just challenged his manhood. "I don't think you've given me a real chance. How about I show you just how good I can be, when I'm given a fair shake."

"I dunno. I was sort of hoping we could watch a movie, but maybe I could be convinced to make out for a…mmmmm," I stop as his mouth clasps itself over mine. Lex kisses me, softly aft first, and each succeeding kiss is only a hint rougher than the one before it. Soon my lips have parted and his tongue is doing things in my mouth that maybe forget everything except for Lex and these kisses.

When he finally does let me go, Lex looks up and smiles again. His lips part once more, but he doesn't kiss me this time.

"Now, are you actually going to try and tell me that I am not the best you have ever been with?" he asks. For about fifteen minutes, all I can do is sit there and sort of stare at him stupidly.

"Okay, so you are the best," I finally manage to spit out a handful of words in a semi-coherent sentence. "Were you expecting a trophy, or a cookie, or something?"

"Actually," he says, the corners of his mouth turning up. "I figured a night of long, passionate love making was in order, but you'd rather go to the trophy store, that's fine with me." Then he starts to stand up and I have to tackle him down onto the bed.

"Get back here and show me what you've got." I order, and he does, and as always, it's mind blowing. I love this man. I love him so much. Lex is the bets thing to ever happen to me, even when things aren't perfect.


End file.

Smallville, Adventure