Code Geass Geass'd Tales

**A/N**: Anyways, with the Code Geass series being over for a long time, I didn't really see a point in continuing my other story. That's why I started a new project. I'll be taking some classic fairytales and replace the characters and see how that warps the story. My first victim will be Jack and the Beanstalk, now named Rolo and the Sword of Akasha.

**Cast:**

_Rolo Lamperouge_ – Rolo Lamperouge

_Lelouch Lamperouge_ – Lelouch Lamperouge/Lelouch vi Britannia

_Big Emperor_ – Charles di Britannia

_Big Empress_ – Marianne

_Pawn Shop Owner_ – Jeremiah

_Suspicious Bean Dealer_ – V.V.

_Magical Harp_ – C.C.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Code Geass or any of its chracters, nor do I own the original fairytales that I have attempted to parody. That is all.

* * *

Once upon a time, there lived a boy name Rolo. His parents died when he was young and he was left in the care of his older brother, Lelouch. However, Lelouch was always short on cash. Lately, they were on the brink of starvation and Lelouch told Rolo to sell their kitchen knife for money. Rolo tried to protest against the idea, feeling some strange connection with the knife. A few days later eating uncooked instant noodles finally made Rolo give in.

"What do you mean my knife is only worth five dollars? I can't even afford to boil water for my instant noodles, what food can five dollars possibly get me?" Rolo demanded as he slammed the knife onto the table, tip first. However, the knife failed to dent the table.

"This is exactly why I can't pay you much for the knife."

"Listen here you, I have a knife and I don't know how to cook. The last time I tried to toss a salad, I ended up burning it. Now, if I can't cook, why do you think I carry a knife on me?" Rolo pointed the blade at the shop owner and attempted to look threatening. However, the shop owner was not intimidated by a starving teenager with a dull knife.

As this happened, a long haired short person completely covered in robes came into the shop. Rolo stared as the blond-haired wonder walked, his hair dragging behind him on the floor.

"I can't help but overhear your problem. It just so happens I've been seeking a knife much like your own in a personal quest. I shall pay you $500 for it." The newcomer looked at Rolo. He managed to conveniently miss out on all the parts in the prior conversations about the dullness of the blade.

"Really? That will be great!" Rolo smiled brightly as the long-haired dealer began searching through his robes

"Are you sure about that? The knife's blade is pretty-"

"So, what business is so urgent that you're willing to part with so much money to get the knife?" Rolo quickly tried to cut off the shop owner with small-talk as he saw a possible huge feast disappear before him.

"Oh, I don't need it for anything too important. I just need a knife that isn't identifiable for an experiment. By the way, if the 'fairest of them all' happens to have an accident involving this knife, don't tell anyone about this." The suspicious stranger began frantically turning his pockets. "Well, it seems I didn't bring any money with me. However, I do have some magical beans that may aid you with your problems."

"Magical beans?"

"That's right. If you plant them in the soil, they will grow and make a path to Akasha, Land of the Gods. There are many riches to be found there, or so the legends say." The suspicious Bean Dealer quickly dropped the five beans in Rolo's hand and took the knife. With a twirl of his robes and a toss of his long blond hair, he headed for the door before anyone could react.

"What… just… happened?"

* * *

Rolo sighed as he walked home. All he managed to get were five worthless beans. That suspicious dealer probably never had any money on him in the first place.

"Oh, Rolo! How have you and your brother been?" Rolo turned to find their orange-haired neighbour tending the fields. Their neighbour was a farmgirl. Rolo strained as he tried to remember her name, what was her name again? Sheri… Shelly Fanatic? Wait, that didn't sound right. Oh well, Rolo will just think of her as farmgirl for now.

Rolo didn't like the farmgirl. She'd deliver milk to him and Lelouch once a week. It was the only drink they'd have. Rolo hated the way she'd put her hand on top of Lelouch's for a brief moment, as if making sure that he got a steady grip on the carton of milk. She hated the way her eyes stared straight into Lelouch's. He hated the way that she was within one meters from his brother. Milk? Who needs milk? You can't make instant noodles with milk.

However, now could be Rolo's chance. "Actually… the truth is Lelouch and I've been running into some problems. The last tax collector understood our situation and helped us out, but we just got a new one and he's threatened to evict us if we don't come up with some money by next week. He also took all our things away from us and we're starving now." Rolo pretended to wipe away a tear to increase the drama.

The truth is, they didn't change tax collectors. It was still the same old red-haired shameless girl that would always ogle Lelouch before talking about payment. Whenever Lelouch began to talk about their financial difficulties, she would 'comfort' him with a hug. Rolo was pretty sure that she copped a feel on numerous occasions. Anyways, back to the farmgirl.

"Well, the cow just had some calves, so I sold that for some money. Here's $100, tell Lelouch to not give up and give him my best regards." Rolo quickly thanked the farmgirl and headed home.

* * *

"Not bad, with this, we can buy enough decent ingredients for me to actually cook for about two weeks if you use it sparingly. Good job, Rolo. I didn't think that knife would sell for so much." Lelouch complimented as he stored the money in a jar.

"I had to search a long time before I found someone that would buy it at a good price, big brother." Rolo replied. "What are we going to do after that?"

"Shirley gave us some seeds for vegetables. We'll use that time to start a garden. It won't be much in one week, but perhaps one day, we'll have a farm and won't always be starving. Anyways, I'll be heading to the market now to use this money." Rolo made a mental note to himself that the farmgirl's name was Shirley. "Is there anything wrong, Rolo?"

"No, I just remembered that I had to do something quickly." Rolo quickly went to his room and threw the beans outside his window. After that, he promptly decided to sleep through the rest of the day to forget about his hunger while Lelouch went grocery shopping.

* * *

The next day, Rolo awoke and opened his curtains. What he found made him rub his eyes and then go back to bed, assuming that it was all just a dream. When he awoke again, the same sight greeted him. Rolo smashed his window to make sure what he was seeing was real.

There, from the spot where he threw the beans, a flipping-huge sword surrounded by large vines protruded from the ground! Rolo recalled the Bean Dealer saying something about path… and treasure! Thinking that Lelouch is asleep and not wanting to disturb him, Rolo quickly left a note and ventured out to see what the path to riches had to offer.

Rolo went right below the giant sword growing from the ground and stared up. Squinting real hard, he saw a silhouette of what's probably a hilt. If there really is treasure up there, then Rolo and Lelouch could feast like gods everyday! With that thought alone in mind, Rolo performed a feat that any normal teenager deprived of food should not be able to do, he climbed onto the vines and headed for the top of the sword.

After a long, arduous and thought changing journey, Rolo finally arrived at the hilt. All he found was a door. Slightly disappointed, but still not completely devoid of hope, Rolo opened the door, hoping to see the treasure. Instead, some greater force sucked Rolo into the gate.

* * *

When Rolo came to again, he found himself be outside of some kind of doorless entrance. He looked around and was completely taken aback by what he saw. Everything was massive. Not mansion-massive. No, that did not do enough justice to describe it. Rolo was naught but a budding leaf on a giant tree. Everything around him was supersized. The foot of the chairs were as wide as his whole body. The table was as high as his whole house. Come to think of it, that entrance he came from must have been a mouse hole.

Wait a minute. If there was furniture here, then there must be people living here. If there were people living here, there must be treasure! With his goal seeming to finally be in reach, Rolo tried to see what was on top of the giant table, but it was just too tall for him to see anything. Taking a deep breath, Rolo ignored his hunger as he ran towards the chair and tried to climb it.

After several attempts, an exhausted Rolo finally reached the top of the table. The site he greeted him was like something out of his sweetest dreams. What he saw on that table was a stash of gargantuan-

"SAUSAGE BUUUUNS!" Rolo dived into the giant pastry and started devouring anything in his path. He took such huge bites that he managed to rip off both parts of the sausage and the bread despite the fact that each sausage bun was more than twice his size. He ripped out the kernels of corn on top of it, which were as big as a regular pizza, and ate them individually. By the time Rolo managed to eat one whole one, he was completely covered in sauce and he began to lick his fingers and his clothes.

Having not eaten for so long, Rolo felt a surge of energy rush through him from the meal. It was as if Rolo was reborn as a phoenix. Now with newfound energy, Rolo began ripping pieces off another sausage bun and stuffing into his pockets and anywhere else he could contain to take it back home. However, the floors began to quake and Rolo lost his balance as someone entered.

It was a giant woman! Compared to her proportions, those giant sausage buns were like miniature pizza pops. "Oh? What are you doing in Charle's food?" The giantess looked at Rolo curiously. "If you value your life, then you better leave. If Charles catches you here, you'll never be able to leave this place."

"ALLL HAIILLL BIG EMPERORRR!" A loud voice resonated throughout the whole room as the giantess quickly took Rolo and hid him on a shelf. The doors slammed open and a giant stepped in. He was even bigger than the giantess! Rolo never worried much about meteors, but if this Big Emperor (Rolo is assuming that's who he is) clipped his nails and those fell down, Rolo would find the closest bomb shelter.

"You're back, Charles. How was your meeting with the other giants of Akasha?" Marianne asked the gargantuan man.

"Everyone else talked while I tuned it out. When it looked like the meeting was almost over, I just said 'ALL HAIL AKAASSHAAA!' and then everybody clapped. You know, boring as usual. Nothing caught my attention." Big Emperor replied. "So, did you prepare my usual snacks?"

"Yup, here are your sausage buns." Big Empress led the Big Emperor to the table and the Big Emperor licked his lips. However, before he began to eat, he immediately sensed something was wrong.

"Why are there only four sausage buns? Where's the fifth one?" Meanwhile, Rolo let out a yelp when he saw a pair of golden eyes staring at him. Luckily, since he was so small, that didn't draw the attention of Big Emperor. Right in front of him where the Big Empress hid him was another normal-sized human woman. However, on a closer inspection, he noticed the figure was attached to a Golden Harp. The woman must be some sort of decoration.

Still… it looked so real. What was it made out of? Being curious, Rolo touched the unmoving figure.

"HELP! RAPE! THE INTRUDER THAT BROKE IN HERE AND ATE THE SAUSAGE BUN IS HIDING HERE AND WANTS TO TAKE ME BACK TO HIS HOME AND SELL ME TO PERVERTED MEN SO HE COULD EAT MORE!"

"You! You're the one that ate my sausage bun?" Big Emperor turned to Rolo and prepared for assault.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at home, Lelouch awoke to find a stranger in his room. The stranger was covered in robes that completely obstructed his face. The only notable features not obstructed were his ridiculously long hair… assuming that is a he.

"Who are you!? Could it be… a stalker?" Lelouch quickly jumped out of bed wearing only his boxers (saves money) and distanced himself from the intruder.

"The knife doesn't work as well as I thought it would. I came here for a refund, but seeing as you already used it…" The Bean Dealer was of course referring to the gigantic sword growing out of the ground, but Lelouch thought he was talking about the grocery bags. "I guess I'll just return it and hope for something in return. I am pretty hungry."

"Well, I do have this fresh apple I just bought." Lelouch went into his grocery bag and got out an apple, but as he was handing it to the Suspicious Bean Dealer, He tripped and the apple flew out of his room.

The two of them followed the apple to find that it has something that looked like… cat food? "You own a cat?"

"I did own one, but then something went wrong when my brother was mixing the cat food with some leftovers to save money. The cat died before it could even swallow. That food is so poisonous, we decided to just leave it be." Lelouch recalled the events of that fateful day that changed their lives. That cat was meant to be an emergency food source during desperate times.

"So that apple is poisoned now? It could kill anyone that eats it?" The Suspicious Bean Dealer looked at the toxic apple. It still looked normal.

"Yes, anything that gets into the cat food either becomes absorbed as part of it or becomes poisonous." Lelouch explained.

"Very well, I'll buy it. I'll buy $1000 for the apple and $500 more for the cat food." The Suspicious Bean Dealer got out a miniature shovel and a jar that he had kept to put the beans in to scoop up the apple and some of the cat food before closing the lid and putting it in his robes.

He slapped some money onto Lelouch's hand. "The extra is for you to keep quiet. This deal never happened."

With that, the Suspicious Bean Dealer disappeared. Lelouch looked at his hand. He had been given over $5000.

* * *

Rolo managed to somehow dodge it and he decided to follow the Magical Harp's advice and kidnap her- it. With the power that he obtained from eating, he was able to carry a harp bigger than him and avoid Big Emperor at the same time. Rolo quickly thought of his escape. If he came in through the mouse hole, surely he can get out the same way.

"Are you going back to the human world?" The Magical Harp asked him. "It seems like you were the one destined to rescue me after all. Ever since I wondered in here because of a dealer that gave me suspicious beans, I tried to steal from the giants and was transformed into a harp. If you and I escape from Akasha together, I will be brought back to my human form and you have my eternal gratitude."

"If you wanted to escape, why did you yell?" Rolo questioned as Big Emperor's hand swatted at where they were a few seconds ago.

"That was just to test if you were truly a hero." The Magical Harp said. "Those with weak wills cannot escape from Akasha."

Rolo thought back for a moment. "Wait, if I try to bring you back, you'll no longer be a Harp and you'll be a normal human?"

"That's right. That's what all heroes want, right? Rescuing the beautiful women at the end?" Rolo contemplated what his life would be like with her around. It was hard enough feeding two people as it is, and with another mouth to feed, his dream of feasting like gods would disappear forever!

However, Rolo did have some morals. It's just that those morals paled in comparison to the thoughts of the Magical Harp perversely eyeing his brother everyday. It was bad enough with the farmgirl and tax collector, but to have a girl actually live with them? Unthinkable! Without a second thought after getting to the mouse hole, Rolo turned.

"See you." Rolo said as he pushed the Magical Harp onto the floor and jumped inside the mouse hole.

* * *

Lelouch went outside to look for Rolo when he finally noticed the huge sword stuck onto the ground. He stared at it in awe for a few minutes while his brain came up with possibilities of what it was. He finally decided to give up and label this as part of a messed up dream.

"I knew that $5000 was too good to be true." He looked at the money and sighed. "We've known each other for such a short time, but I'll miss you."

At that moment, Rolo fell from the sky. He landed face first, and Lelouch thought that he died for a moment, but then he came back up again. "Brother!,thegiantswordcameoutandthenImetgiantsandtherewasfood! Lots and lots of food!"

Speaking faster than Lelouch could understand, Rolo kept on talking about his adventure and then he noticed the money in Lelouch's hand.

Ever since then, the two brothers never had to worry about food again. The giant sword stuck to the ground drawn in many curious onlookers and the Lamperouge brothers charged them money to climb on top of it and charged even more for those that wanted to try and remove the sword from the ground. Of course, no one ever managed this feat.

The Magical Harp was stuck in Akasha, waiting for someone else to free her. That is the story of how two brothers overcame their life of despair to become the wealthiest in the world. This tale is known as Rolo and the Sword of Akasha.

* * *

**End Notes: **

Anyways, this was just a pilot chapter. I'll see how well it does first. From the clues in this chapter, you can probably guess which fairytale V.V. will star in. Despite that, there will be little to none connection between this and the other chapters, so that I may use characters more than once. However, I do plan on giving every character a chance in the spotlight, minor ones included.

If anyone has any fairytales that they'd like me to tackle or other ideas, feel free to leave that in a review. I can't guarantee that I'll put it in or the ideas will remain the same, but I'll definitely consider them! I haven't written for FF in a long time, so I may be a bit rusty.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! (hopefully the first of many)


End file.

Code Geass, Humor, Parody