Harry Potter Definition of Fear

**The Definition of Fear**

**By Dimgwrthien**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own anything pertaining to the Harry Potter series. If I did, I would so totally be in there and be kicking butt. But I'm not. Romilda Vane is chanelling me, though. Really. We're twins. Same description, same attitude. I swear.**_

_**Author's Notes: I promised a one-shot to the reviewers of chapter five. However, I have to say that I can't do too many. So, maybe the first five will get one-shots. Scribhneoir, as my first reviewers for that chapter, gets a nice, little one-shot. This takes place during Miasma, my longer fan fiction. Enjoy.**_

Harry inspected the wand before him. He had never really heard of magic before in his life. Uncle Vernon had always disapproved of books relating to magic, and now was his chance to actually live one of those books.

He glanced over at Remus - '_Is that what I should call him? Remus? Or Sir?'._ He had been growing used to Remus' kindness for the two days. The man was the opposite of Uncle Vernon. He approved of everything Harry did, actually said that he should start acting up a bit more, in a sense. He was not as prim and proper of Uncle Vernon, or so obsessed with how others viewed him. His face was pale, almost grey and sickly, and he was rather underweight, like Harry, compared to Uncle Vernon. His hair was a light brown, as opposed to Uncle Vernon's dark hair, and he looked sad most of the time. Harry tried his best not to notice how, at times, Remus seemed to space out from everything while staring at a book or wall.

"Can we start now?" Harry asked, glancing into Remus' blue eyes, waiting for the accepting nod. When Remus did nod, he pulled out his own wand and used a spell - Harry had started being able to guess what each spell would do as Remus said them - and a parchment flew towards him. Harry waited impatiently as Remus smoothed it down.

Other children waited for their birthdays and those day trips to the zoo. Harry waited to learn magic tricks from a man he barely even knew.

"First, it looks like, I should show you Apparation. Well, Side-Along, you're too young to actual Apparate. It's simple," Remus told Harry in that patient voice of his. "It makes you appear somewhere else. For this, all you have to do is grip my arm. Should we try it?" Harry nodded and took Remus' arm in one hand. "Tightly, please. I haven't done Side-Along Apparation in a long time," Remus said, and Harry doubled his grip, both hands wrapped around Remus' thin arm. Remus' eyes were closed, and Harry felt himself bing picked up into the air, the air tightening around him as though being shoved through tubes and flying. He felt rather sick and worried about being stuck there, until he hit the ground. Out of surprise at being able to breath again, Harry took an extra step and fell, but Remus grabbed him before he hit the ground.

Still in shock, Harry gasped out, "That - that was... That was almost as bad as Floo Powder, no offence." He added the last part so as not to make Remus feel bad, but he was starting to think the Dursleys won out in the competition of better ways to travel.

"Apparation is the fastest way of travel, though it's the hardest and takes the longest to get used to. Just between the two of us, I almost tried to fail my test, I hated it so much as first." Harry gave him a weak grin. "Should we try once more? Back to the front door? We won't be able to Apparate inside with the charm," Remus explained to Harry's confused look. Feeling sick even at the thought, Harry grabbed Remus' arm again.

This time did not seem as painful, but Harry's knees still threatened to buckle as his stomach tried to empty itself, but he swallowed hard.

"You've mastered that, I'd say," Remus told him, taking his arm out from Harry's clutch and opening the door with his wand. They entered as Harry answered.

"I didn't really do anything." He sat down on the chair, folding his arms around his boy, blinking. His eyes seemed to have dried out while Apparating.

"However, it's an important skill. And I believe I told you that for every spell you mastered, I'd tell you something about your parents." Remus perched himself on the table. Harry imagined Unce Vernon trying to do that while explaining magic to Harry, but the image of him on the table, breaking it under his weight amused him far more than the magic part.

"What were my parents like, personality-wise, I mean?" Harry asked. He had heard so much about his parents' wands, and how they were murdered, but what kind of people where they? He listened as Remus answered the question, a faint smile on his lips as alwas when he told about the past. Harry tried to imagine his parents talking together, each whipping smart replies to each other, amusing everyone who listened.

"Next spell time, I think," Remus said, sliding off the table and picking up is wand. Harry listened intently as Remus explained how the spell worked and what to do. When he finished talking, Harry raised his wand, ready to preform his first ever spell. It was one of those things, he imagined, wizarding children must remember their entire lives. He was tempted to ask Remus what the first spell he ever preformed was before he found that Remus was expecting him to try the spell.

"_Petricifus Totalus!_" he tried, making the same movements that Remus had been making. Remus blinked and moved as though to see if the spell worked, then smiled at Harry.

"It's _Petrificus_," he correctly. "Try again. And smoother motions hay help, too."

Harry nodded and imagined Uncle Vernon yelling at him to do something right for once. He moved the wand once to test the new movement, then said, "_Petrificus Totalus,"_ in a lower voice.

Remus froze, but was able to walk. He smiled to himself as he tried to move his arms, but failed. "Well done! It's not fully done, but it's better than most tries I've seen. Concentrate on freezing me, not just the motions. It takes a split mind to perform some spells. After a while it will be more natural."

Harry nodded and made the smooth jabbing motion again, this time saying the spell in a low voice, watching Remus carefully, imagining him frozen.

With a hint of a whisper, Remus fell backwards, partly on the chair. His head hit the top rather hard and he slid down, body stiff and upright.

"Are you alright?" Harry asked, panicking, his voice several pitches higher than usual. "Should I do anything?"

Remus did not answer and Harry started worrying more. What if he killed Remus? Was that why he was so stiff. Pacing around him, Harry wrung his hands, saying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," as many times and as fast as possible. He closed his eyes and dropped to his knees, feeling a burning in his throat and behind his eyes. Several tears slid down his face.

"I'm sorry!" he said again, voice breaking in his cry. "Is there anything to stop it?" When Remus still did not answer, Harry grabbed at his wrist, trying to feel for a pulse. When he felt one, he let himself breath again. The spell was supposed to do this, but for how long?

Still with the faint feeling that he had killed Remus, he waited by his side, wiping his tears off on his sleeve, trying to hide the fact that he was scared.

Had this been how his mother and father looked when they died? Harry wondered wha it would be like to die from a magical spell, and was almost about to make a vow to himself to never use magic ever again when Remus' fingers moved.

His movements were rather stiff and Remus was shaking his shoulders a bit, wincing as he did so. "Well done," he said, his voice hoarse, the reached up to rub his throat. "I say you managed that one rather well. I suggest you keep trying it more to make sure you can get it on the first try rather than the third." Shaking his legs, Remus added, "Try it again."

Remus raised himself back up onto his feet, preparing to fall again, when Harry asked, "First, is there a way to make it come off faster?"

"_Finite._ Same wand movements." Remus looked rather pleased that Harry asked.

And, feeling every bit of a killer he hoped Voldemort felt when he killed his parents, Harry raised is wand to preform the spell again. Remus fell, stiff again, and Harry remembered the strange feeling wash over him again as if he had just killed Remus. Remus had been the first man he met who actually watched over him, helped him, cared about him enough to do so.

He bent down and tried the spell Remus told him to wake him again, making frantic movements until he calmed down enough to concentrate.

He wished such a simple spell could have brought his parents back.


End file.

Harry Potter, Angst