Smallville 1. Teaser Pre Credits

**A/N: **So... after all the angst and drama of my last fic, Tell me A Beautiful Lie, I decided I need some comedy in my life. And the sure-fire place to find comedy in the Smallville universe, is the Justice League. Anything with Bart in, really... So I got going on this. It's in - sort of - script format. the a-scripts I work on won't really translate here, so I have to format by hand, so to speak.

It's just a fun little adventure with our band of heroes, searching for Lois and Clark, who've gone missing.

Set somewhere after about... Hex, I guess, but because it's so silly, it'll go completely AU. Oh, but Jimmy's still working at the Planet. Forget the whole drug addict thing.

This is JL, Red-K, Stupid jokes, Innuendo, and Action... so, without further ado....

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SMALLVILLE

'...JLA TO THE RESCUE... SORT OF...'

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**SCRIPTWRITER: The Gryfter**

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**ESTABLISHING SHOTS METROPOLIS DAY EXT**

sweeping eagle-eye shot of the city, overlaid with sfx: sirens, traffic, voices, the sounds of the city at night.

Punch-zoom in on the clock tower, lit up like the moon.

cut to:

**TEASER **

**CLOCK TOWER DAY INT**

Chloe Sullivan slips into her plush leather chair, swinging to face the bank of large lcd screens (off, for now) forming an alcove in front of the console where she rests her hands. Chloe settles her earpiece in, activates it with the flick of a finger.

**CHLOE**

**Watchtower… logging in. **

Consoles and screens flicker to life. Automated voice (Jeannie) sounds (off):

**JEANNIE**

**Initialising voice-print identification. **

Chloe called her computer "Jeannie". If pressed, she would say it was because she'd always dreamed of one just like it. It was a weak joke, but she was a hacker, not a comedienne.

**CHLOE**

**Watchtower, requesting sat-link, full-spec, all-comms. **

**JEANNIE**

**Password.**

**CHLOE**

**Formal / 00 / Tornado. **

**JEANNIE**

**Voice-print identification complete. **

Chloe's hands start blurring across the keys.

**CHLOE**

**Alright, Jeannie… let's plug in. Operatives 1 through 6, call in!**

Large headshots snap up on screen as Jeannie runs down the codenames.

**JEANNIE**

**Aquaman – online!**

(beat, a picture of AC)

**Canary – online!**

(beat, a picture of Dinah)

**Arrow – online!**

(beat, a picture of Oliver)

**Cyborg – online!**

(beat, a picture of Victor)

**Zatanna – online!**

(beat, a picture of Zatanna)

**Impulse – on –**

sfx: a rush of air. Papers whirl off the desk, and Chloe's hair flutters, startling her.

**BART(O/S)**

**Si, my sexy senorita!**

**JEANNIE**

**-line!**

A picture of Bart appears as Chloe angrily swings the chair around to face the red-clad, grinning speedster.

**CHLOE**

**Bart! What did I tell you the last time you did that?**

**BART**

(sheepish)

**Uh… not to do it again?**

**CHLOE**

**Exactly! And what did I say would happen if you pulled another Houdini and scared the crap out of me? **

**BART**

**Actually, Houdini was more of an escape artist, so…**

(shrinking back from the anger in her eyes)

…**that's looking more and more like an option right now…**

Fuming Chloe points:

**CHLOE**

**Corner! Now!**

**BART**

**Aw, come on, Chlo…**

**CHLOE**

**Now!**

Grumbling Bart moves to stand, facing the corner, taking a 'time out'. Chloe turns back to screen, in time to hear chuckling coming from the strategically placed speakers. She checks, realises the comm-link is open.

**CHLOE**

**You guys got something to say? **

**AC (V/O)**

**Has wittle Bart gotta take a bweak from bein' naughty? **

**CHLOE**

(sighs)

**Aquaman…**

**VICTOR (V/O)**

**Curb the impulse to run little man… Watchtower's gonna get ya!**

**CHLOE**

**Victor!**

**BART**

**Shut up!**

**OLIVER (V/O)**

**Ah! You know the rules, Impulse! No talking in the 'time out' corner!**

**CHLOE**

**Okay, all of you… quiet! Now!**

The team complies, though Chloe can still hear snickering.

**CHLOE**

**This is probably the most important mission we've ever taken on. I want you focused. I want you ready. I want you to _turn around and face the corner, Bart!_**

Angle on: Bart's frightened face, as he jerks back to the corner. Chloe hadn't even been looking!

**CHLOE**

**It's been three days, guys, and Jimmy and I haven't been able to dig up anything significant. That's why I called you in. **

**DINAH (V/O)**

**Just tell us what to do, Watchtower. We're ready to roll on your mark. **

**CHLOE**

**Thank you…**

(beat)

**This is the situation as it stands… Lois and Clark are missing. No one's heard a thing from them in over 72 hours…**

(beat)

**This is serious, guys. As serious as it gets. **

Pulsing music lifts throughout the above, building to an excruciating crescendo, when:

**BART**

(lifts his hand)

**Uh… can I go the bathroom?**

Chloe hangs her head. Slam cut to:

**OPENING TITLES AND CREDITS**

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So, what do you think? This isn't finished yet, although I've done a lot more than you see here... up to the 2nd Commercial Break, actually. I'll try to post as fast as I can, but remember... reviews speed up the process. Hope you enjoy...


	2. Scene 1

Okay, so I just realised, the terminology might have thrown a few people off in the previous chapter. A quick run down: (V/O) = Voice Over. (O/S) = Off Screen. INT = Interior. EXT = Exterior. (OFF) = Off camera - generally just audio, like when you hear some body behind you. The (beat)s are beats, or pauses an actor would take. Hope that clears it up. Any other questions, throw me a line. And, on with the first scene...

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**ESTABLISHING SHOT METROPOLIS - DAILY PLANET NIGHT EXT**

Legend (displayed over revolving globe of Daily Planet building):

_24 Hours Earlier._

cut to:

**SCENE ONE DAILY PLANET BASEMENT NIGHT INT**

Open on: lift doors opening. Increasingly concerned Chloe and anxious Jimmy Olsen step off, make for stairs.

**JIMMY**

**I'm tellin' you, Chloe, Tess was already on the rampage yesterday, but we all chalked it up to one of those days, you know? Figured they were taking a break, or something. **

**CHLOE**

**They just finished up the Terence Cage expose', didn't they?**

**JIMMY**

**Yeah. And that was all grunt work for three weeks. They were basically sleeping down here. Nobody begrudged them a day off. **

**CHLOE**

(stops on the stairs)

**But now you're thinking it was more than just a day off. **

**JIMMY**

**I don't know about Clark, but Lois would never miss work two days running. No way! Not unless something really big came up. **

**CHLOE**

(bites her lip)

**Same goes for Clark. **

**JIMMY**

**So… you don't think I'm paranoid? **

**CHLOE**

**They're not answering their phones… they haven't checked in with anyone…**

(beat)

**No. I don't think you're being paranoid. **

Jimmy looks relieved, follows Chloe to Lois' desk. Chloe takes seat, clicks on mouse, canceling Daily Planet screensaver.

**CHLOE**

**I guess we could check their files … find out if they were working on another story.**

**JIMMY**

**You thinking maybe they went undercover?**

**CHLOE**

**It's a possibility. **

**JIMMY**

**But then why wouldn't Tess know about it? **

**CHLOE**

**You really think Lois goes out of her way to let Tess know what she's doing?**

**JIMMY**

**Good point. **

Chloe turns attention to the screen. Dialogue box opens.

**CHLOE**

**Do you know what Lois' password is? **

**JIMMY**

**Why would I? **

**CHLOE**

**You've never been curious to take a peek?**

**JIMMY**

**Curious… yes. Suicidal…? No. **

(beat)

**I don't want to be hog-tied with my own camera strap and left on the conference table in nothing but my boxers again. **

**CHLOE**

**Again?**

**JIMMY**

(sheepish)

**I don't wanna talk about it.**

Chloe can't help but smile, but focuses quickly on task at hand.

**CHLOE**

**Okay, let's see… **

(types)

**Lucy…? No. Fort Wayne…? No. Sharks… No. Rocky Road… No. **

**JIMMY**

**Aren't you supposed to be like… good at this? **

Chloe shoots him a dirty look. Jimmy gulps, looks away. Chloe types, still looking at Jimmy. Dialogue box disappears and Lois' desktop appears on screen.

**JIMMY**

**You did it! What was the password? **

**CHLOE**

**Smallville…**

Jimmy grins.

**JIMMY**

**I'm gonna try Clark's. **

He hustles around desk, takes seat at Clark's pc, as Chloe scans through Lois' files.

**CHLOE**

**There's a file marked "Current…"**

(scans through docs)

**The city hall revamp… the dock workers' strike… a puff piece on the destruction of some old theatre… **

(beat, looks at Jimmy)

**None of these look like a reason to disappear, Jimmy. **

**JIMMY**

**I'm in!**

**CHLOE**

**What was Clark's password? **

**JIMMY**

**Harley!**

**CHLOE**

**How'd you guess that? **

**JIMMY**

**Clark sends me out to buy lunch sometimes, when we're working through a break. He has a picture of one in his wallet. **

**CHLOE**

**Nice sleuthing, Sherlock. **

Jimmy beams, pleased at the compliment.

**JIMMY**

**Clark's current files are the same as Lois'…**

(beat)

**What about…?**

(eyes wide)

**Whoah!**

**CHLOE**

**What?**

**JIMMY**

**Have you checked their email?**

**CHLOE**

**No. Why?**

She quickly opens Lois' email, scans it.

**CHLOE**

**Whoah!**

**JIMMY**

**I know. **

**CHLOE**

**Why all the back and forth between Lois and Clark? They sit across from each other. Surely raising your voice is the easier method. **

**JIMMY**

**Maybe it's all work-related, and… they wanted to keep a record. **

**CHLOE**

**This doesn't look work-related Jimmy. **

(reads)

"**Lunch today? I'm thinking that deli we found on Jackson Avenue."**

Jimmy finds appropriate email conversation, reads Clark's end.

**JIMMY**

(stifling a giggle)

"**Their turkey-on-rye gave you food poisoning."**

**CHLOE**

"**So I won't order the turkey. And the atmosphere's homey."**

**JIMMY**

"**What about pizza?"**

**CHLOE**

"**I hate pizza."**

**JIMMY**

"**You have pizza every week."**

**CHLOE**

"**I hate pizza on Tuesdays…"**

(breaks off)

**Are these two for real?**

**JIMMY**

**I don't see anything else here, Chloe. **

**CHLOE**

**What about Clark's mom?**

**JIMMY**

**Hasn't heard from either of them. **

**CHLOE**

**I think we'd have better luck searching door-to-door than learning anything from the General. **

**JIMMY**

**Okay, now I'm starting to get worried. **

**CHLOE**

**Me too...**

(beat, thinking hard)

**I'll drive out and check the farm tonight. I have Lois' spare key. You can check there…**

**JIMMY**

**I don't think we should split up. **

**CHLOE**

**Jimmy, you're being paranoid. **

**JIMMY**

**No, I'm not! This wouldn't be the first time someone… or something… has come after one of us. **

The implication's all too clear – the wedding. Chloe looks wistful for a moment.

**CHLOE**

(concedes)

**Okay. We go together. If we can't find them by tomorrow, I'm calling in the big guns. **

**JIMMY**

**The who?**

**CHLOE**

**I'm hoping you never have to find out. **

Out on c/u of Chloe, worried.

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And... scene! So...? Review, please!


	3. Scene 2

**SCENE TWO - WATCHTOWER - DAY INT**

Chloe's wrapping up her story. Bart's still in the corner.

**CHLOE**

**There was nothing at the farm, or the apartment. **

**OLIVER (V/O)**

**Okay, you're right. This does sound serious. **

(beat)

**Aquaman, you're furthest out, right? **

**AC (V/O)**

**Sunny Australia! **

**OLIVER (V/O**)

**How long will it take for you to catch the Pacific current and get to Metropolis? **

**AC (V/O)**

**Four… five hours…**

**BART**

(mumbles)

**In your dreams, fish stick…**

**AC (V/O)**

**What did you say? **

**BART**

**Five hours? What? You gonna paddle a rubber duckie all the way here? **

**AC (V/O)**

**You think you can do better, squirt?**

**BART**

**With floaters on.**

**CHLOE**

**Guys…**

**VICTOR (V/O)**

**Sounds like a challenge to me. **

**DINAH (V/O)**

**I got a five on Bart. **

**OLIVER (V/O)**

**Five grand? **

**DINAH (V/O)**

**No! Five bucks! We're not all billionaire's!**

**ZATANNA (V/O)**

**Is that your wish, Dinah? To be a billionaire?**

**DINAH (V/O)**

**You wanna know what I wish…?**

Chloe groans, hangs her head in her hands as the bickering continues.


	4. Scene 3

**SCENE THREE - WATCHTOWER - LATE AFTERNOON INT**

Bart's at a table. veritable mound of empty junk food cartons around him. Jimmy sits across from Bart, watching him eat, wide-eyed. Chloe enters, carrying stack of pizza boxes.

**BART**

**Oh, sweet! Desssert!**

**CHLOE**

**You've had enough. This is for the others. **

**BART**

**You do realise where you're sending me, right? I need all the strength I can get. **

**CHLOE**

**Deal with it!**

Chloe goes to kitchen to deposit pizzas. Bart leans in to Jimmy.

**BART**

**Real whip-cracker that Mama'sita…**

**JIMMY**

**You have no idea.**

Bart grins, slugs a cola.

**JIMMY**

**So, you're like… the fastest guy alive? **

**BART**

**In the good-looking flesh!**

**JIMMY**

**Uh… yeah. Whatever. **

**BART**

**What do you do?**

**JIMMY**

**Me? Oh, I'm, uh… I'm a photographer. **

**BART**

**Yeah? Wow! That's so cool!**

**JIMMY**

**It is? **

**BART**

**Yeah, bro! You're the man of the moment coz you capture the moment. Know what I'm sayin'?**

(beat)

**Hey! Can you take a picture of me? **

**JIMMY**

**Sure… if you want…**

**BART**

**Excellente'…**

Jimmy unstraps camera, gets it ready. Bart poses.

**BART**

**Okay, nice and wide, yeah?**

Jimmy snaps a picture. Flash goes off. Bart moves (at considerably less than his superest speed). Jimmy stares at picture viewer.

**JIMMY**

**Whoah…**

Bart appears beside him, grinning at the picture.

**BART**

**I always wondered what it would be like to have brothers. **

c/u on picture. It appears as though there are 3 Barts, each in a different pose.

**CHLOE**

**When you two are done… they're here. **

She gestures at monitor, that shows the team moving along corridor outside.

**BART**

**Lets get this party started. **

The team enters. Oliver, followed by Victor, Zatanna, Dinah and AC.

**BART**

**Took you guys long enough. **

**AC**

**Can I drown him?**

**OLIVER**

**Not tonight. **

**AC**

**Come on! Just a little. **

The group settle themselves on sofas, gather round Chloe, who perches at her console.

**CHLOE**

**Alright, before we get started… guys, this is Jimmy. Jimmy, this is the team. **

**JIMMY**

(small wave)

**Hey…**

**OLIVER**

**So, what's the situation? **

Chloe swings round on chair, grabs a box underneath console. Opening it, she starts tossing cellphones to the group members.

**CHLOE**

**I've programmed all the intel we've gathered into these, along with your assignments. Oliver, you're teaming with Zatanna. **

(Dinah shoots Zatanna a dirty look)

**Victor, you're with Dinah. AC and Bart have solo missions. Jimmy and I will stay here and co-ordinate the search. **

**OLIVER**

**And we're sure they're not in Metropolis? **

**CHLOE**

**To be safe, I sent Bart out to look. **

**BART**

**They're not here, bro. **

**VICTOR**

**You're positive?**

**BART**

**Hey, I'm not the Boy Scout. I don't got x-ray vision, but I did the best I could. **

**JIMMY**

**Boy Scout?**

**CHLOE**

**Clark.**

******JIMMY**

**Clark has x-ray vision?**

**CHLOE**

**Not now, Jimmy.**

**OLIVER**

**Okay, look's like we're set. **

**CHLOE**

**There's pizza in the kicthen if you guys wanna grab something to eat first. **

**BART**

**Oh, swee-**

**CHLOE**

**Not you, Bart. **

Chuckling, AC pats Bart on the head as he beelines for kitchen. Zatanna approaches Chloe.

**ZATANNA**

**We'll find Clark. And your cousin. **

**CHLOE**

**I hope so. **

Suddenly, there's a scream from the kitchen. Chloe whirls round. furious AC appears in doorway.

**AC**

**Alright! Who's the bastard who ordered the anchovy pizza?**

Bart can't fight the giggles.

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**


	5. Scenes 4 & 5

**ESTABLISHING SHOTS - METROPOLIS - NIGHT EXT**

**SCENE FOUR - WATCHTOWER - NIGHT INT**

Jimmy's perched on a chair next to Chloe, who keeps a close eye on her monitors.

**JIMMY**

**Okay, so… Oliver's the Green Arrow, Clark's the Red-Blue Blur and you guys have been managing to keep this a secret for how long?**

**CHLOE**

**Just a few years. **

**JIMMY**

**Huh. **

**CHLOE**

**You're not mad?**

**JIMMY**

**No. I'm just thinking, it explains a lot. **

(beat)

**Why are you telling me all this?**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Because, more than likely… whatever happened to Lois and Clark has to do with Clark's abilities. And you're in this thing too. **

**JIMMY**

**Fair enough. **

**CHLOE**

**Hold on. Oliver and Zatanna are in position. **

They don their earpieces, listen in, as:

**ESTABLISHING SHOT - LUTHOR MANSION - NIGHT EXT**

**SCENE FIVE - LUTHOR MANSION - NIGHT INT**

Green Arrow, crossbow out and ready, and Zatanna steal along corridor.

**ZATANNA**

**That's surprising. **

**OLIVER**

**What?**

**ZATANNA**

**How easy it is to break into this place. **

**OLIVER**

**Yeah, you'd think the rich and paranoid would have better security, but they never seem to learn around here. **

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Arrow, Zatanna, I'm picking up a pretty big heat signature. Top floor, second door on your right. **

**OLIVER**

**We're on it. **

Oliver and Zatanna step onto top floor, slowly approach door. Oliver signals for her to wait, braces himself. We stay with Zatanna, as Oliver kicks in the door and launches himself through. Zatanna cringes back as we hear screaming, fabric ripping, a gong and finally Oliver bursts back out the door and collides with the wall.

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Arrow! Arrow, come in! What happened?**

Zatanna crouches by Oliver.

**ZATANNA**

**Are you okay?**

Oliver waves her away, manages to stand, though he's still a bit woozy. Seconds later, a furious, if slightly embarrassed, and dripping wet, Tess Mercer emerges, wrapping towel around her.

**OLIVER**

**Uh… Watchtower…?**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Yeah?**

**OLIVER**

**That heat signature you picked up? It's the shower. **

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Oh…**

**TESS**

**What the hell do you think you're doing here? **

Zatanna notices Oliver can't stand to look at her, he's shuffling from foot to foot.

**ZATANNA**

**Ms. Mercer…**

**TESS**

(ignores her, to Oliver)

**And for the record…**

(trying to muster whatever dignity she can in just a towel)

**I was… just… checking that shower massager. **

**OLIVER**

**Yeah, right. Absolutely. **

Oliver and Zatanna can hear Jimmy and Chloe snorting with laughter.

**ZATANNA**

**Ms. Mercer, two of your employees are missing. Are we're checking up on any leads as to their whereabouts. **

**TESS**

**Kent and Lane. You thought they were in the shower with me? **

Oliver coughs.

**ZATANNA**

**They were last seen in your office, before leaving the Daily Planet. **

**TESS**

**They were trying to extend their story. **

**OLIVER**

**The Terrence Cage story?**

**TESS**

**He's the biggest crime boss Metropolis has seen since Morgan Edge. Kent and Lane think there's a link to another mob syndicate in New York. They wanted me to fund a trip to the Big Apple. **

**ZATANNA**

**You said no?**

**TESS**

**We already got Cage. Let the New York Times deal with their own mob bosses. Now, if you'll excuse me…**

**OLIVER**

**Right. I'm sure that shower massager's not gonna fix itself. **

If looks could kill - Oliver would be dead. Tess disappears into bathroom as Zatanna and Oliver retreat along corridor.

**OLIVER**

**Looks like you were right, Watchtower. E.T.A on Cyborg and Canary.**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**They're five minutes out. **

cut to:


	6. Scene 6

**SCENE SIX - TIMES SQUARE - NIGHT EXT**

Victor and Dinah (in slightly eccentric civilian garb) hustle their way through crowd – tourists and locals – all gawking at the pretty, pretty lights. Victor has cellphone out, frowning at screen.

**VICTOR**

**Watchtower, are you sure this location is correct? **

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Roger, Cyborg. It's confirmed. **

A guy bumps into Dinah, throwing her off balance.

**MAN**

**Watch it, toots!**

**DINAH**

**Toots?**

Dinah moves to go after the guy, but Victor, still concentrating on screen, grabs her arm.

**VICTOR**

**No time. **

Dinah glares at the man, opens her mouth, and issues a tiny, pinpoint squeak. The guy clutches his ears, cries out, and bumps into a lamppost. Smiling a satisfied smile, Dinah follows Victor.

**CHLOE (V/O)**

(over the above)

**All the paper trails we chased down on Le Carre led to empty post boxes and abandoned locations, except one high-end tech dealer…**

**VICTOR**

**Installed a bunch of hardware?**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

'**A bunch' is putting it mildly. **

**VICTOR**

**You tapped the signal?**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Yup. And it's coming from… **

**DINAH**

(glancing at screen in victor's hand)

**One Times Square? There's no such thing as…**

Victor points. Dinah looks up at the impressive building, site of the famous New Year's Eve 'ball drop' – (*giggle* ball drop!).

**DINAH**

**Oh. **

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Exactly. **

**VICTOR**

**It's supposed to be empty. It's famous for being empty. **

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Empty buildings don't generally consume bandwidth like a Vista version of Hungry-Hungry Hippos. **

**VICTOR**

**Alright. But… how do we get in? This is the most visible building in the world. **

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**You'll have to figure it out. Someone's getting in and out of there. **

**VICTOR**

**Roger. We'll check in in a bit. **

Victor clicks earpiece off. They stand, staring at sparkling façade of the building.

**DINAH**

**This is impossible. **

**VICTOR**

**Just about… **

**DINAH**

**Chloe's convinced this Le Carre guy's linked to Terrence Cage?**

**VICTOR**

**The only thing lacking is proof. **

**DINAH**

**And he's in there? A building we can't get into without bringing the entire NYPD down on us? **

**VICTOR**

**Looks like…**

**DINAH**

(sighs)

**I hope the others are having more luck than us. **

cut to:


	7. Scene 7 & 8

A/N: And finally, we have Bart. Far as I'm concerned, Kyle Gallner should have a permanent place on the cast. But that's just my opinion.

I'm updating as fast as I can. I've written up to scene 19, and I'll try to get it up a bit faster, if possible.

Anyway, here we go...

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**SCENE SEVEN - WATCHTOWER - NIGHT INT**

Jimmy sets cup of coffee down in front of Chloe. She grabs it, grateful, takes a deep whiff of that java aroma, purrs.

**CHLOE**

**Hmm… I love you!**

Cue extremely awkward and embarrassing moment, with much fidgeting and clearing of throats.

**CHLOE**

**We, er… we should check in on Bart. He should have been first to the scene. **

**JIMMY (V/O)**

**Yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea. **

Jimmy takes his seat as Chloe hooks up link.

**CHLOE**

**Impulse, this is Watchtower. Impulse, come in. **

**BART (V/O)**

**Richard!**

**CHLOE**

**Huh?**

**BART (V/O)**

**I decided I'm tired of the name 'Roger'. Dumb ass name anyways! Richard's better. Or Dick, if you want. **

Jimmy snorts. Coffee comes out his nose. Chloe rolls her eyes.

**CHLOE**

**Impulse…**

**BART (V/O)**

**Fine! Fine! Roger! What?**

**CHLOE**

**You're still a mile off your location. What's the problem?**

**BART (V/O)**

**My shoes!**

**CHLOE**

**Excuse me?**

**BART (V/O)**

**These damn shoes!**

cut to:

**SCENE EIGHT - THE ARCTIC - NIGHT/DAY EXT**

Extremely miserable Bart, wearing what looks like several large coats, with his tell-tale red sneakers peeking out from the bottom, trudges through the snow.

**BART**

**I can't get enough purchase to speed. I keep slidin'! After the third time I smacked into a damn glacier, I decided the hell with it!**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Impulse, you're gonna freeze! **

**BART**

**Tell me something I don't know!**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**You're almost there! Just… one last burst. **

**BART**

**You said this Fortress is made of crystals, right?**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Yeah. **

**BART**

**Crystals… like those big, pointy rocks, right?**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Yeah…**

**BART**

**And you want me to superspeed into the thing? I don't have any desire to end up as a new popsicle called Bart-on-a-stick!**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Well, er…**

**JIMMY (V/O)**

**What about this? Superspeed for like… a couple yards, and then skid the rest of the way. That'll give you traction, and you'll be able to stop in time. **

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Jimmy, I don't think…**

**BART**

**Hey now! That actually sounds like fun!**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Impulse, I don't think…**

**BART**

**Hold onto your hat, Santa! Here comes… Bart!**

In a red blur on a field of white, Bart warps into speed for a split second, before stopping dead. His momentum carries him on his sneakers, ski'ing at furious speed across the tundra. c/u on Bart's face – he's grinning like a maniac.

**BART**

**This is outrageous! I wonder if I can find a penguin to race!**

cut to:


	8. Scene 9 & 10

**SCENE NINE - WATCHTOWER - NIGHT INT**

Umimpressed Chloe glares at Jimmy.

**CHLOE**

**You just had to get him started didn't you? **

Jimmy has decency to look apologetic. Chloe faces monitors.

**CHLOE**

**Impulse, can you see it yet? **

**BART (V/O)**

**Not yet, I… Whoah! Is that it? **

**CHLOE**

**Big thing… looks like some giant dropped his shiny pick-up-sticks?**

**BART (V/O)**

**That about sums it. **

**CHLOE**

**That's it. **

**BART (V/O)**

**Alright! I'm goin'in!**

**CHLOE**

(mutters, under her breath)

**Here we go…**

cut to:

**SCENE TEN - FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE - NIGHT INT**

Bart takes off his shades, gaping as he steps into the inner-sanctum of the fortress.

**BART**

**Dude! this place is sick! **

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Exactly. That's the problem. **

**BART**

**Huh?**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**The Fortress… it's not powered up anymore. **

**BART**

**What are you talking about? **

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**You said it was sick. **

**BART**

**Yeah. Like in… cool!**

(beat)

**Okay, not the best choice of words either. **

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Clark managed to restore the Fortress after it collapsed on him and Lex, but it's not… online anymore. **

**BART**

**What do I do?**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**I have no idea. Clark just used to call out to his father.**

**BART**

**Okay…**

(deep breath)

**Yo! Clark's dad!**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Uh… his name is Jor-El. **

**BART**

**Donnell! Dude! can you hear me? **

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**It's not working…**

**BART**

**It's not nice to ignore a guest! **

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Don't annoy him. **

**BART**

**Intergalactic dude! You here?!**

Suddenly, the crystals seem to glow with brilliant light and:

**JOR-EL (V/O)**

**Who speaks? **

**BART**

**Whoah…**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Is that him?**

**BART**

**Freaky voice guy?**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Yes! That's him! Ask him where Clark is. **

**BART**

**Hey, John-tell… my name is Bart… I, er…**

**JOR-EL (V/O)**

**Why have you sought me out, human? **

**BART**

**I, uh… I just kinda got a question… about your son…**

**JOR-EL (V/O)**

**What do you know of Kal-El?**

**BART**

**Who?**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**That's Clark!**

**BART**

**Oh!**

(beat)

**Well, er… the dude kinda pulled a Houdinni…**

(flicks earpiece)

**See, Chlo… that's the right time for a Houdinni reference…**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Impulse!**

**BART**

**Yeah, so… we're looking for him, but he's kinda swung off any reservation we know, amigo! And we were kinda wondering if maybe you could help?**

Long, almost unbearable silence.

**BART**

**Er… Montell?**

**JOR-EL (V/O)**

**I do not understand. What is an houdinni?**

**BART**

**Oh, geez… oh, okay… Where's a human-alien translator when you need one, huh?**

(beat)

**Clark, I mean… Kal-El is gone. We wanna find him. You know where he is? **

**JOR-EL (V/O)**

**Kal-El is dead. **

Stunned silence. Bart gapes even more.

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**


	9. Scene 11 & 12

A/N: Got quite a bit done on this story today - despite being distracted by KeymaJade's stories, which I just discovered. You should check them out, they're hilarious! - Anyway, so I can post some more. I had a blast writing Bart and Jor-El. The combination was too much to resist. Sorry about the cliffhanger... "Kal-El is dead!" But I figure, the show does it to us, and since this is a pseudo-epsiode, it's gotta have mini-cliffhangers. Let me know what you think, particularly about Bart and Jor-El. Thanks!

* * *

**SCENE ELEVEN - WATCHTOWER - NIGHT INT**

Chloe and Jimmy are equally shocked. a pop tart falls from Jimmy's lips.

Cut back to:

**SCENE TWELVE - FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE - DAY/NIGHT INT**

**BART**

**No way!**

**JOR-EL (V/O)**

**I am afraid so. **

**BART**

**The Boy Scout can't be dead! He's… he's… Clark!**

**JOR-EL (V/O)**

**He chose to disobey me! He allowed his destiny to fall into the hands of another… his greatest enemy!**

(beat)

**So I stripped him of his powers as they battled, and the earth was rent asunder…**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Um…**

**BART**

**Er… No. **

**JOR-EL (V/O)**

**I am afraid so. I had no choice. **

**BART**

**Dude! That was like… almost a year ago. **

**JOR-EL (V/O)**

**I beg your pardon?**

**BART**

**Yeah, Clark survived that. **

**JOR-EL (V/O)**

**Impossible. I smashed the foundations of the Fortress, collapsing it upon them both! **

**BART**

**You mean… the Fortress I'm standin' in right now? **

**JOR-EL (V/O)**

**Um…**

**BART**

**Clark's alive, and you have no idea where he is, do you?**

**JOR-EL (V/O)**

**Well, I have been in slumber, and my crystal systems have yet to…**

**BART**

**Yeah, whatever! Thanks a lot, dude! You've been no help whatsoever!**

(beat, salutes)

**Later Show & tell!**

Bart superspeeds away. we stay in the empty fortress for a couple of beats before:

**JOR-EL (V/O)**

**What just happened? **


	10. Scene 13 & 14

A/N: More coming soon. this is just too much fun to write... AC's little adventure is up next. Thanks for the reviews. This one's for Maiqu, Lady Lemons, JKArcanus and TheRandomHero...!

Well, that's a lie, actually... it's all for you!

* * *

**SCENE THIRTEEN - WATCHTOWER - NIGHT INT**

Chloe and Jimmy are slumped in their chairs.

**CHLOE**

**Well, that was a waste of time. **

**JIMMY**

**Yeah.**

**CHLOE**

**Impulse, I'm going to check in with Aquaman. **

**BART (V/O)**

**Dolphin call?**

**CHLOE**

**Smart-ass!**

(beat)

**Maybe you should check the farm again. Jimmy and I might have missed something. **

**BART (V/O)**

**I'm on it. **

**CHLOE**

**Watchtower out. **

She closes link.

******JIMMY**

**Looks like we're running out of options. **

**CHLOE**

**We'll see what AC's got, and then go back to Victor and Dinah. Maybe we'll catch a break. **

Opens another link.

**CHLOE**

**Watchtower to Aquaman. Aquaman, do you read me? **

**AC (V/O)**

**Grrrble… dklits… rrrblestsss…**

**CHLOE**

**Aquaman, I seem to be picking up some interference. Do you read? **

Cut to:

**SCENE FOURTEEN - METROPOLIS WATERFRONT - NIGHT EXT**

Long, sweeping shot of Metropolis harbour (Yes! Metropolis has a harbour. It's where Dr. Swann's daughter got shot. Pay attention!). A large warehouse, bracketed by a chain-link fence has been surrounded by angry dockworkers, jumping and chanting.

**DOCKWORKERS**

(en masse)

**No! No! We won't go! Blah, blah, blah, blah… Rodeo!**

(again)

**No! No! We won't go! Blah, blah, blah, blah… Rodeo!**

We'll get to who came up with that chant later.

Camera zooms in on patch of water that seems to bubble, and, suddenly, Aquaman burts forth in a cresting wave, landing smoothly on the other side of the fence. Dockworkers spot him and cheer.

**AC**

**I'm in!**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**In? In where? **

AC's caught off guard, taps at earpiece.

**AC**

**Chloe? That you?**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Watchtower! **

**AC**

**Right. Watchtower. What's up?**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**What are you doing?**

**AC**

**Sorry, can't chat!**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Aquaman! Aquaman!**

AC ignores her, makes a mad dash to get away from the overly-friendly security guards, who have spotted him and settled on a mad charge.

**GUARD 1**

**Get him!**

**GUARD 2**

**Mandis! Redtree! That side!**

**GUARD 3**

**Flanking manoeuvre! Flanking manoeuvre!**

**AC**

**You'll never take me alive!**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Aquaman! What the hell is going on?**

A couple of mini-super leaps takes AC to the top of a stack of shipping containers. He raises his hands over his head in victory salute. Dockworkers cheer.

Cut back to:


	11. Scene 15 & 16

**SCENE FIFTEEN - WATCHTOWER - NIGHT INT**

Chloe is furiously working the keyboard. Screen's flicker, and a live newscast comes up on screen. Jimmy's made popcorn. He leans back in his chair, watching the screen. Footage is from a news helicopter, and shows AC straining to push over a shipping container.

**JIMMY**

**This is better than a movie!**

**CHLOE**

**I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him dead!**

Camera zooms in. AC shouts something. The newscast doesn't pick it up, but Chloe and Jimmy (through earpieces) hear it loud and clear.

**AC (V/O)**

**Death to the tuna heathens!!!**

Cut back to:

**SCENE SIXTEEN - METROPOLIS HARBOUR - NIGHT EXT**

C/U on AC straining against the side of the container, which shifts with loud, scraping noise.

Cut to: guard's POV – looking up, at the huge container now tipping over.

**GUARD 3**

**Forget the flanking manoeuvre! Forget the flanking manoeuvre!**

**GUARD 2**

**Run!**

The container tips over, smashes to the ground, barely missing the guards. AC does a jig, calls out to dockworkers.

**AC **

**Power to the people!**

(beat)

**Just like I taught you, boys!**

(chants)

**No! No! We won't go! Blah, blah, blah, blah… Rodeo!**

(again)

**No! No! We won't go! Blah, blah, blah, blah… Rodeo!**

Cut back to:


	12. Scene 17 & 18

**SCENE SEVENTEEN - WATCHTOWER - NIGHT INT**

Chloe's given up. She's banging her head against the desk. Jimmy's watching the screen, giggling to himself.

Cut back to:

**SCENE EIGHTEEN - METROPOLIS HARBOUR - NIGHT EXT**

AC taps his earpiece.

**AC**

**Watchtower, come in. You there?**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

(grumbles)

**Yes…**

**AC**

**Yeah, Lois and Clark aren't here. **

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**I got that much, but what the hell are you doing leading the fish-workers revolution?**

**AC**

**They're dockworkers. Technically, fish-workers would be things like plankton, that build the reefs, and…**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**AC! Wafer-thin ice!**

**AC**

**Yeah, sorry. I'll come back to base. Aquaman out!**

He disconnects, and with one more wave to his 'fans', takes a graceful dive right off the top of a container. He doesn't judge the distance and lands with a splat on the end of the dock.

**AC**

**Ow…**

Cut back to:


	13. Scene 19

**SCENE NINETEEN - WATCHTOWER - NIGHT INT**

Chloe's banging her head against the desk again.

**JIMMY**

**Are they always like this?**

**CHLOE**

**Always. **

**JIMMY**

**Cool. **

**CHLOE**

**Maybe we'll have better luck with Dinah and Victor. **

**JIMMY**

**Judging by your crack-team's performance so far, I'm not gonna bet on it. **

**CHLOE**

**They're the most mature pair in the group. It can't be that bad. **

**JIMMY**

**Do I have time to get more popcorn?**

(off Chloe's glare)

**I'm guessing that's a 'No'.**

Chloe opens the comm-link to Victor and Dinah. She opens her mouth to speak, but before she can, we hear:

**DINAH (V/O)**

**Ow! That's my foot! **

**VICTOR (V/O)**

**Move up!**

******DINAH (V/O)**

**I can't!**

**VICTOR (V/O)**

**Turn left… left!**

**DINAH (V/O)**

**I can't! I'm stuck!**

**VICTOR (V/O)**

**Okay, just… twist like… No! That way… Right… squeeze forward…**

**CHLOE**

**What the heck are you two doing?**

SFX: BANG!

**DINAH (V/O)**

**Ouch!**

**VICTOR (V/O)**

**Watchtower! Don't do that!**

**DINAH (V/O)**

**My head…**

**CHLOE**

**Where are you?**

**VICTOR (V/O)**

**In a vent. We managed to get into the building, and now we're trying to…**

**DINAH (V/O)**

**What was that?**

**JIMMY**

**What was what?**

**DINAH (V/O)**

**I heard something. It sounded like… scraping, or…**

SFX: squeak… squeak, squeak…

**DINAH (V/O)**

**Oh, my God! Oh, my God, ****oh, my God!**

**VICTOR (V/O)**

**Dinah, chill! It's just a rat.**

**DINAH (V/O)**

**Just a rat? This is New York! Have you seen the rats here? **

(beat, panicked)

**It's coming closer! It's… it's…**

**VICTOR (V/O)**

**Uh oh…**

Dinah lets out a scream so loud that Chloe and Jimmy jump, ripping out their ear-pieces.

Cut to:


	14. Scene 20 & 21

**SCENE TWENTY - TIMES SQUARE - NIGHT EXT**

People gathered all over the square suddenly grab their ears, falling to the ground as the famous neon signs and billboard all explode in a shower of glass and flashing sparks.

Cut to:

**SCENE TWENTY ONE - TIMES BUILDING - NIGHT INT**

An unremarkable young man, sitting in an office, facing an impressive bank of computers. He looks normal, kinda geeky, just going about his business. Then the computer explodes, and the roof caves in, bringing with it two tangled up superheroes. The man is thrown backwards, landing in a heap. After a couple of moments, he spits out some dust, and peers cautiously over the edge of his overturned chair. Dinah and Victor get to their feet, dusting themselves off.

**VICTOR**

**Well, that was impressive. **

**DINAH**

**What else was I supposed to do?**

**VICTOR**

**Oh, I don't know… how about not bring the building down on us?**

**DINAH**

**It was a slip, okay? I didn't mean it. **

The man's eyes are wide, terrified. Who are these crazy people?

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Cyborg. Canary. Are you there? What happened? **

**VICTOR**

**Yeah, Watchtower, we're fine. Little birdie over here just decided to go ultra-sonic on us. **

**DINAH**

**That rat was the size of a golden retriever!**

**VICTOR**

**Tone down the volume, Tweetie!**

**DINAH**

**I'll give you, Tweetie!**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Guys! Focus! Where are you? **

**VICTOR**

**In some kind of office, and there's…**

(beat, spots the crouching man)

**Well, what have we here? **

**DINAH**

**Could you have possibly come up with a more cliché line than that? **

Victor ignores her. He goes over, pulls the frightened man to his feet.

**VICTOR**

**Who are you?**

**MAN**

**Er… my name is Tony. **

**DINAH**

**Do you work for Le Carre?**

**TONY**

**Er…**

**DINAH**

**Answer faster, little man. It's not been a good night. Where's Le Carre?**

**TONY**

**He's not here. He's at his casino! Please! I'm just a tech!**

**VICTOR**

**His casino? Atlantic City?**

For a moment, Tony stares at him like he's crazy. Then Tony laughs.

**TONY**

**Atlantic City? Are you kidding? Mr. Le Carre don't like the smell of rotting whale in the mornin'. **

**DINAH**

**Then where?**

**TONY**

**Las Vegas. **

**VICTOR**

**Watchtower. You get that? **

**TONY**

**Who're you talking to?**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Yeah, I got it.**

(SFX: typing)

**Turns out Le Carre has a controlling share in the Bellagio. **

**DINAH**

**Is that our next stop? **

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Return to the Watchtower first. We might be chasing our tails on this Le Carre thing. We need to regroup. **

**VICTOR**

**Arrow and the others had no luck either? **

**TONY**

**Seriously! Who're you talking to? **

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Negative. Return to base. **

**DINAH**

**Roger!**

**TONY**

**Look, I'm warnin' you guys! Don't go after Le Carre! He's a new breed o' mobster! He'll take you down so fast you'll–**

Tony shuts up very quickly when Dinah knocks him out.

**VICTOR**

**Nice punch.**

**DINAH**

**I'm not all mouth. **

**VICTOR**

**Coulda fooled me. **

Cut to:


	15. Scene 22

**SCENE TWENTY TWO - WATCHTOWER - NIGHT INT**

Chloe's at the huge window, staring out over the lights of the city. Jimmy steps up behind her, very close, but not touching.

**JIMMY**

**This is the whole reason I bought this place…**

**CHLOE**

**You can see everything. **

**JIMMY**

**Not everything. **

**CHLOE**

**Jimmy…**

C/U on Jimmy's face. He looks pained, takes a step back.

**CHLOE**

(turns around, equally pained)

**I'm sorry. **

**JIMMY**

**For what?**

**CHLOE**

**Do I need to go through the list?**

**JIMMY**

**Please don't. **

(beat)

**Do you know why I haven't asked any questions? I mean… in one night I fall right into every reporter's dream… Superheroes – well, they have abilities, but their skills are kinda questionable at this point, and I don't… **

**CHLOE**

(cuts in)

**You were saying…? The lack of questions?**

**JIMMY**

**Yeah. **

(beat)

**Know why I haven't launched into Lois-Mode trying to interrogate you? **

**CHLOE**

**No… but I've been wondering. **

**JIMMY**

**Because being with you today… on this crazy hunt, and just… being us again….**

(beat)

**It makes heroes and quests and revelations all kind of… a moo point. **

**CHLOE**

**A moo point?**

**JIMMY**

**Yeah. It's like a cow's opinion. It doesn't matter. **

(with authority)

**It's moo!**

Chloe stares at him, dumbstruck, for a couple of beats before bursting into laughter. Jimmy grins.

**JIMMY**

**You remember that?**

Chloe nods.

**CHLOE**

**Joey… from _Friends_. **

**JIMMY**

**We used to sit up and watch the show together. **

Mood suddenly grows a lot more serious. They take a step towards each other. The moment, the tension… builds. Then:

**OLIVER**

**Please tell me one of those loons found something!**

Jimmy and Chloe break apart. Distressed-looking Oliver and Zatanna enter, flop onto a couch.

**CHLOE**

**Nothing really significant so far. A slight lead from Victor and Dinah… maybe. Bart's taking one more look around the farm and then we're meeting back here. **

**OLIVER**

**Dammit!**

**JIMMY**

**What's up with you?**

**ZATANNA**

**Honestly, Ollie, it's not like you haven't seen Tess naked before. Why's it bugging you so much? **

**OLIVER**

(unconvincing)

**It's not…**

**ZATANNA**

**Right. I wish you'd tell me what's going on. **

**OLIVER**

**You know you're not supposed to use that word around us!**

**JIMMY**

**What word?**

**CHLOE**

**Zatanna can… grant wishes. **

**JIMMY**

**Really?**

**CHLOE**

**Don't even think about it.**

**JIMMY**

(too quick)

**I wasn't thinking anything!**

Chloe smirks, returns to her seat.

**JIMMY**

(mutters, so no one can hear)

**And it certainly didn't include you, a bowl of chocolate mousse, some oven gloves and a mini-stepladder…**

Chloe plugs in her earpiece, fingers dancing on the keyboard.

**CHLOE**

**Impulse, come in! Have you found anything at Clark's place? **

**BART (V/O)**

**Uh… mostly questions, really…**

**CHLOE**

**What do you mean? **

Cut to:


	16. Scene 23 & 24 & 25

A/N: Hey... okay, so it's my birthday weekend, and my friends are taking me far, far away to get very, very wasted. I won't be able to post again until next week sometime. Thought I'd leave you guys with some more Bart - just to remember me by. Hope you enjoy.

Thanks... G

* * *

**SCENE TWENTY THREE - KENT FARM - CLARK'S ROOM - NIGHT INT**

Bart's digging through Clark's closet.

**BART**

**Lois has her own apartment, right?**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Yeah…**

**BART**

**Then why do her clothes take up more than half his closet? **

(beat)

**At least… I'm hoping they're her**** clothes…**

(holding up lacy bra)

**I just don't wanna think about the alternative…**

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**She stayed there for a while…**

Bart grins, examines the bra closer.

**BART**

**Huh… Double-D… Who knew? **

Cut to:

**SCENE TWENTY FOUR - WATCHTOWER - NIGHT INT**

Chloe narrows her eyes as others gather around her.

**CHLOE**

**Impulse… what are you doing?**

**BART (V/O)**

**Investigating.**

**CHLOE**

**Impulse… put Lois' bra down. Now!**

**BART (V/O)**

**I wasn't…**

**CHLOE**

**Now!**

**BART (V/O)**

(grumbles)

**Shoot a guy for being curious…**

Suddenly, they all hear the very distinctive sound of a pump-action shotgun being cocked.

**BART (V/O)**

**Oh… crap!**

Cut to:

**SCENE TWENTY FIVE - KENT FARM - CLARK'S ROOM - NIGHT INT**

Bart turns – for once, very slowly, to find his nose about two inches away from the barrel of said shotgun. He raises his eyes, and meets the grim expression of a wizened old man wearing a cowboy hat and dungarees.

**BART**

**Hey…**

**MAN**

**Hell are you doin' boy? Breakin' in here goin' through folks' unmentionables to get ya kicks? **

**CHLOE (V/O)**

(hisses)

**I knew it…**

**BART**

**No… I wasn't…**

**MAN**

**You young whipper-snappers these days… Don't you know the meanin' o' the word decency? **

**BART**

**Whipper-snappers? Who says whipper-snappers? **

(beat, off the old man's glare)

**Listen, amigo… I'm just looking for Clark, and…**

**MAN**

**He ain't in that little piece o' Victoria's Secret cloth, boy!**

**BART**

**You know Victoria's Secret? Do you subscribe to the catalogue, or do you you just…?**

**OLIVER (V/O)**

**Of topic, Impulse. Off topic. **

**BART**

**Right. I'm a buddy of his, see? And I was just…**

**MAN**

**How do I know you a genuine friend o' Clark's? **

**BART**

(in white-boy rapper voice)

**Say what? Me an' ol' Clark go way back! Ever since I stole his dad's wa–**

Cut to:


	17. Scene 26 & 27

**SCENE TWENTY SIX - WATCHTOWER - NIGHT INT**

Chloe, Jimmy, Oliver and Zatanna – as one – all groan and hang their heads as we again hear the sound of the shotgun cocking.

Cut back to:

**SCENE TWENTY SEVEN - KENT FARM - CLARK'S ROOM - NIGHT INT**

Bart's eyes are wide, and there's an edge of panic about him now.

**BART**

(talking almost at super speed)

**That didn't come out right. Listen! I am a friend of Clark's! He's missing! I'm looking for him! That's all! I swear! Who are you anyways?!**

**MAN**

**I'm Ben Hubbard. Clark's neighbour. He asked me to keep an eye on his place while he was away. **

**BART**

**Wait… so he didn't just disappear? **

**BEN**

**Naw… came over late a few nights ago with that girl who stays here sometimes… the loud one!**

**BART**

**Lois.**

**BEN**

**That's her. Looked awful worried they did. **

**BART**

**Did they say where they were going?**

**BEN**

**No, they didn't. I didn't ask, coz…**

(beat)

**Hey! Why'm I tellin' you all this when I should just be shootin' ya?**

**BART**

**I really don't have a good answer to that question. **

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Impulse? You do remember that you have super speed, right?**

**BART**

(giggles, in relief)

**Oh… Yeah! Right!**

In a flash – get it? In a F_lash_! Come on! They can't all be gems! – Bart is gone. Ben looks around, bewildered.

**BEN**

**Damn whipper-snappers!**

* * *

**COMMERCIAL BREAK.**


	18. Scene 28

**ESTABLISHING SHOT - METROPOLIS - NIGHT EXT**

**SCENE TWENTY EIGHT - WATCHTOWER - NIGHT INT**

Tired looking group – Chloe, Jimmy, Oliver, Dinah, Victor, Zatanna and Bart are lounging around – drinking excessive amounts of coffee.

**BART**

(looking at his Disney watch)

**Where the hell is he? **

**ZATANNA**

**Give him a break. Not everybody's as fast as you. **

**BART**

**Nobody's as fast as me. **

**DINAH**

**Wrong thing to say to a girl, Bart. **

**BART**

**Hey!**

Before argument can escalate, AC enters, looking battered and bruised.

**OLIVER**

**The hell happened to you?**

**CHLOE**

**The dripping crusader over here took a swan dive off the dock. **

**VICTOR**

**And hit what? A barge?**

**AC**

**No! The ground!**

**BART**

**Uh… you know you're supposed to aim for the water, right? **

**AC**

(not in the mood)

**I will end you, runt!**

Bart just laughs.

**CHLOE**

(intervenes)

**Okay, now that we're all here… this is what we know. **

**JIMMY**

**Not much. **

**CHLOE**

**Jimmy!**

**JIMMY**

**Sorry.**

**CHLOE**

**Apparently, Lois and Clark took off on their own. But they were worried. I still think something's happened to them. **

**OLIVER**

**Must be. They would've checked in with one of us if they were just taking some R&R. **

**CHLOE**

**We know that they were chasing down John Le Carre…**

She hits remote, and picture of sinister-looking man – not unlike Sam Witwer – appears on screen. Jimmy growls, but he doesn't know why.

**CHLOE**

**Le Carre is every cliché of the New York mobster rolled into one… tight**** package. **

**JIMMY**

**What?**

**BART**

**Yeah. Run that by us again? **

**DINAH**

**I can see what you mean. He's so… dangerous. **

**OLIVER**

**Now why'd you have to go and say it like that? **

**DINAH**

**Like what?**

**OLIVER**

**You don't think I'm dangerous? I'll show you dangerous. **

**DINAH**

**Oliver, put it back in your quiver. **

**BART**

**Dude! She totally gave you the shaft!**

(giggles)

**Get it? Shaft? Coz an arrow has a…**

**CHLOE**

**Anyway… Le Carre's holed up in his suite at the Bellagio in Vegas. **

**JIMMY**

**The dude's into everything. Prostitution, drug smuggling, illegal gambling…**

**VICTOR**

**He owns the Bellagio, and he still feels the need to run scam bets on the side? **

**JIMMY**

**The guy's a creep. **

**AC**

**How do we know Lois and Clark are even in Vegas? Did we get that off their cellphone records, credit card statements…?**

**CHLOE**

(embarrassed)

**Um…**

Jimmy takes a sudden, intense interest in the pattern on the floor. The others pick up on their edgy demeanour.

**BART**

**What?**

**OLIVER**

**You guys did check their cellphone and bank records, didn't you? **

**CHLOE**

**Well…**

**OLIVER**

**Jeez, Chlo! That's Tracking 101! We all just assumed you did it. **

**BART**

**Assume makes an Ass out of U and–**

**OLIVER**

**Bart!**

**CHLOE**

**I can ring that up in like two minutes!**

Chloe turns to Jeannie – her sanctuary, starts typing. The group grumbles behind her.

**VICTOR**

**Fell through a roof for nothin'…**

**AC**

**Hit the dock for nothin'…**

**BART**

**Ran into a glacier for nothin'…**

**OLIVER**

**Saw Tess naked for nothin'…**

Dinah smacks Oliver upside the head.

**JIMMY**

**Come on, guys! It wasn't for nothing. I was entertained. **

They all glare at him. Jimmy clears his throat.

**JIMMY**

**Note-to-self… don't piss off superheroes…**

**CHLOE**

**Got it!**

(reads)

**They checked into Room 219 at the Bellagio two nights ago! They haven't checked out. **

**OLIVER**

**And that's all it woulda took… a few keystrokes and two minutes could have saved us…**

**ZATANNA**

**Let it go, Ollie… let it go. **

Oliver keeps grumbling.

**BART**

**So, now we know where they are – let's mount up!**

**JIMMY**

**Yeah!**

**OLIVER**

**Hold up! You and Chloe are staying here. **

**CHLOE**

**What? No, we're not!**

**JIMMY**

**Chloe and I started this!**

**OLIVER**

**Yeah, and you've done a bang-up job so far!**

**JIMMY**

**Hey, don't get mad at me just coz your ex has more fun with a shower massager than she ever had with you…**

Dinah emits a low, menacing growl. Oliver's suddenly too nervous to speak.

**BART**

**Come on, Green! We're all in this together, right? Right?**

**AC**

**Dude, seriously… how many times have you seen High School Musical?**

**BART**

**Gabriella's hot!**

**OLIVER**

**Okay, we're wasting time! You can come!**

**JIMMY**

(jumps up)

**Excellent!**

(beat)

**But I'm gonna need a codename!**

**VICTOR**

**What? **

**JIMMY**

(as group starts filing out)

**How about… Lens, or… or, Snaps! Or… the Jimmyrizer! Or… or… Shutterbug!**

**OLIVER**

**How about shut up?!**

**JIMMY**

**Right. Got it. **

Chloe givs him an encouraging smile, leads him out the door.


	19. Scene 29 & 30 & 31

**ESTABLISHING SHOTS - LAS VEGAS - DAY EXT**

A massive, flashy Hummer limousine cruises down the Vegas strip. Bart and Jimmy are standing out the sunroof, big goofy smiles on their faces.

**BART**

**Yeah, Vegas! Show me the money! Show me the money, baby!**

Jimmy laughs. Suddenly, a pair of hands come out of nowhere, yanking them back inside. The hummer turns off the main strip, pulling into the circular entrance of the:

**SCENE TWENTY NINE - BELLAGIO (DIR CONT) - DAY EXT**

Some valets step smartly forward, opening the doors. Chloe, Dinah, and Zatanna emerge first.

**ZATANNA**

**One thing about Ollie… he sure knows how to do it in style.**

**DINAH**

**What's that supposed to mean? Do what in style, exactly? **

Zatanna just laughs, causing Dinah to glower at her. Chloe shakes her head, steps away from the car as the rest of the group disembarks from the monster vehicle. Jimmy and Bart come out last.

**BART**

**Didn't have to grab us like that…**

**OLIVER**

**Do you want to announce our presence here to the whole world? **

******BART**

**Oh, sure…**

(gestures at limo)

**Coz we're really travelling incognito. **

Oliver just shakes his head, leads the group up the stairs and into:

**SCENE THIRTY - BELLAGIO - LOBBY (DIR CONT) - DAY INT**

Once through the doors, Bart approaches the large fountain in the centre of the plush lobby. He immediately starts fishing for pennies in the fountain. AC joins him, falls to his knees, starts splashing water on his face, rubbing some in his hair.

**BART**

**What's up with you?**

**AC**

(grunts)

**I hate the desert. **

Bart grins. Chloe and Jimmy lead Oliver off to the side.

**CHLOE**

**We'll go up and check out Lois and Clark's room while you book us in. **

**OLIVER**

**Okay, but keep your earpieces in. Call for help if there's any trouble. **

**JIMMY**

**No problem. **

Chloe and Jimmy head for the elevators as Oliver crosses to the front desk. As they wait for the elevator, Jimmy nudges Chloe in the side.

**CHLOE**

**What?**

Jimmy nods his head, indicating Bart and AC, who have started splashing each other with water from the fountain.

**CHLOE**

**We'd better find them quickly. I give it two hours before they kick us out of here. **

Elevator doors open, and they step inside.

**SCENE THIRTY ONE - BELLAGIO - ELEVATOR (DIR CONT) - DAY INT**

Chloe hits a button. The doors close. SFX: stupid music as the elevator rises.

**JIMMY**

**Ever notice how every elevator in the entire world plays the same stupid song?**

Chloe throws him a bewildered look. Jimmy shrugs.

**JIMMY**

**Just making conversation…**

**CHLOE**

**No wonder you and Lois get along so well. **

Jimmy grins as the elevator pulls to a stop. They step off into:


	20. Scene 32 & 33

**SCENE THIRTY TWO - BELLAGIO - HALLWAY (DIR CONT) - DAY INT**

Chloe and Jimmy march along the lushly carpeted hallway, scanning the room numbers.

**JIMMY**

**What room are they in again? **

**CHLOE**

**219. I hope they're not out somewhere. I just really, really wanna get this over with now. **

**JIMMY**

**I'm sure they're fine, Chlo. I mean… Clark's the Blur. Nothing can hurt him, right? **

**CHLOE**

**Well…**

**JIMMY**

**What? You mean he has a weakness?**

**CHLOE**

**Can we table this for now? We're here. **

She indicates a door. Jimmy nods, steps forward and knocks. Couple of beats. He knocks again.

**VOICE (OFF)**

**Just a minute!**

**ANOTHER VOICE (OFF)**

**A minute? How you gonna get it done in a minute? **

Chloe and Jimmy stare at each other when they hear the unmistakable sound of a woman giggling.

**JIMMY**

**Well, it doesn't sound like anyone's in danger. **

Door opens, and Chloe and Jimmy's eyes – if possible – grow even wider. Clark's standing in the doorway, wearing just a towel.

**CLARK**

(grins)

**Chloe! Jimmy!**

**CHLOE**

**Um…**

**JIMMY**

**Er…**

**CLARK**

**Great to see you guys. Can't catch up now. See ya!**

Before they can react, Clark slams the door. They just stand there, staring at the wood for a couple of moments, before Chloe knocks again. And again. And again. She's about to knock a fourth time when the door opens. This time, revealing Lois, wearing nothing but a skimpy hotel robe.

**LOIS**

**Chloe! Clark told you, we don't have time to talk!**

Lois tries to slam the door too, but Chloe's prepared this time. She sticks her foot out, stopping the door and brushing past Lois and into the room.

**LOIS**

**Hey!**

Jimmy follows Chloe, and Lois reluctantly shuts the door.

**SCENE THIRTY THREE - BELLAGIO - LOIS & CLARK'S SUITE (DIR CONT) - DAY INT**

Chloe and Jimmy stop dead in their tracks. They take in the empty bottles of champagne on the room service tray, the discarded platters of chocolate truffles and Clark, still in the towel, reclining on the very-slept-in bed.

**CHLOE**

**Oh, God… It's Bizarro world all over again. **

**LOIS**

**Mind telling us what you two are doing here?**

**JIMMY**

**Uh… I think you stole our question. **

**CHLOE**

**Sorry to interrupt the lost weekend, but… how do I put this gently…?**

(beat, thinks)

**Oh, yeah… What the hell is going on?**

**CLARK**

(to Lois)

**I told you she wouldn't approve of our love!**

**CHLOE**

**Excuse me?!**

**LOIS**

**There's always someone who has to destroy the fantasy coz they just can't take it. **

**CHLOE**

**Excuse me?!**

**JIMMY**

**Er… Chlo, you're hitting Dinah decibels right about now?**

**CHLOE**

**Can you believe any of this? **

**LOIS**

**Wait a minute!**

She flops down onto bed, in between Clark's legs. He puts his arms around her. Chloe looks like she's about to choke. Jimmy looks like he's about to grin.

**LOIS**

**You two came here together!**

**CHLOE**

**Yeah! To look for you!**

**LOIS**

**Yes, but… together!**

She suddenly plants a big kiss on Clark's lips.

**LOIS**

**Sugar-muffin, I think it's spreading!**

**CLARK**

**Looks that way, sponge-cup!**

**CHLOE**

**Looks like what's spreading? The insanity?**

**JIMMY**

**And what's a sponge-cup?**

**CLARK**

**There's hope for them yet, doodle-bug. **

**CHLOE**

(to Jimmy)

**Okay, I feel like our plane lost cabin pressure, we passed out, and I'm dreaming all this. **

**LOIS**

**We're talking about the love, sillies! The love that makes you wanna dance in the rain naked…! **

**JIMMY**

**Gulp!**

**LOIS**

**The kind of love that makes you wanna soar through the air naked…!**

**JIMMY**

**Again… Gulp!**

**LOIS**

**The kind of love that makes you wanna sing a song…!**

**JIMMY**

**Let me guess… naked?**

**LOIS**

**Exactly!**

**CHLOE**

**Okay, that's it. You two better get dressed. **

**LOIS**

(like a kid who's toy got taken away)

**No!**

**CLARK**

(pouts)

**Chloe!**

**CHLOE**

**Oliver and the others are upstairs! We've been running all over the country looking for you! **

**LOIS**

**That's coz you never looked in the love shack!**

**CHLOE**

**You've been missing for four days! Now get dressed! You're coming with us!**

**CLARK**

**One quickie before we go?**

**CHLOE**

**Clark!**

Cut to:


	21. Scene 34 & 35

**SCENE THIRTY FOUR - BELLAGIO - OLIVER'S SUITE - DAY INT**

Oliver paces the much, much larger, much more elegant suite. Victor and Zatanna are slumped on a couch. Bart's bouncing on the bed in the other room. A worried-looking Dinah sits next to AC, who has an ice bucket between his legs, and keeps rubbing blocks on his neck.

**AC**

**This place… is going… to kill me…**

**OLIVER**

**Chloe and Jimmy will be here any minute. Then we'll know where we stand. **

**BART**

**Dude! This bed is ridonkulous!**

**VICTOR**

**Can't you sit still for one second? **

Bart flops onto bed, sits still.

**BART**

**One!**

He starts jumping again. Victor shakes his head in defeat.

**DINAH**

**You think they're here? **

**OLIVER**

**Somewhere.**

**ZATANNA**

**I wonder what they've been doing all this time? **

Cut to:

**SCENE THIRTY FIVE - BELLAGIO - ELEVATOR - DAY INTt**

Same stupid music. Cut into: close-up of extremely uncomfortable Chloe and Jimmy. We hear sounds of people making out as we slowly pull back, revealing Chloe and Jimmy near the front of the elevator. Behind them, Lois and Clark are in a furious liplock, bouncing off the walls.

**CHLOE**

(harsh whisper)

**Something is seriously, seriously wrong here…**

**JIMMY**

**You're telling me. If those two don't come up for air, we'll be shipping 'em back to Metropolis in matching caskets.**

He steals a quick glance behind him at the amarous pair.

**JIMMY**

**Or the same casket… whatever. **

**CHLOE**

**No, Jimmy, I mean… seriously wrong. Remember Valentine's Day, a couple years ago? **

**JIMMY**

**You think they got dosed with that love potion stuff again?**

**CHLOE**

**Only it's a lot more potent this time!**

**JIMMY**

**This could get tricky…**

Lois and Clark suddenly stumble, lips still glued together. They bump into Jimmy, who falls into Chloe, and the whole group go down in a heap.


	22. Scene 36

**SCENE THIRTY SIX - BELLAGIO - OLIVER'S SUITE - DAY INT**

C/U of a dark iris. Camera zooms in, and a flash of binary light revolves inside the iris, like a key turning. We zoom back out, and we see Victor shoot a triumphant smile at the laptop screen in front of him.

**VICTOR**

**I'm in!**

Oliver, Dinah and Zatanna join Victor at the desk in the corner of the suite. Bart's with AC at the couch. Bart now has a water pistol in his hand, and seems quite happy as he squirts liberal amounts of water on his friend, making frequent super speed reloads. Oliver squints at the screen.

**OLIVER**

**What have we got? **

**VICTOR**

**Looks like delivery manifests for several… parts suppliers. **

**ZATANNA**

**What kinds of parts? **

Victor taps away.

**VICTOR**

**Most of these are diversified companies… they do business with just about all the major casinos on the strip. They do have one common factor, though…**

**DINAH**

**What's that?**

**VICTOR**

**They supply coolant for air conditioners. **

**AC**

**Well they're not doing their job!**

**BART**

**Easy there… fried fish isn't healthy…**

**AC**

**If you weren't holding that water pistol, squirt…**

Bart laughs. AC glares at him.

**AC**

**What's so funny?**

**BART**

**Water pistol… squirt…**

**VICTOR**

**They don't do any business with the Bellagio, though. **

**OLIVER**

**Well, what does Le Carre want with them, then?**

**VICTOR**

**I'm not sure. He seems to be buying them up, piece by piece… this goes back over six months. **

**ZATANNA**

**Weirder and weirder…**

**DINAH**

**Well, that's our territory!**

They all jump when they hear a loud bang – like someone just fell against the door.

**JIMMY (OFF)**

**Chloe, are you okay? **

**CHLOE (OFF)**

**I swear to God, I'm going to kill you both!**

**CLARK (OFF)**

**I'm sorry, Chlo!**

**CHLOE (OFF)**

**Sorry? You're sorry? You just knocked me into a door! Can't you keep your hands off each other for two seconds, just to watch where you're going?**

The League all exchange confused looks. Oliver nods at Bart, who superspeeds to the door. Bart opens it. Chloe marches in, rubbing the back of her head.

**CHLOE**

(grumbles)

**Like babysitting a pair of rabbits on viagra…**

Jimmy enters behind Chloe, followed by a flustered-looking Lois and Clark.

**OLIVER**

**Oh, thank God!**

**BART**

**You guys are okay!**

Hugs and handshakes are exchanged. Lois and Clark seem bothered by the attention, though.

**OLIVER**

**What have you been up to? **

**JIMMY**

(mutters)

**I think 'up' in the appropriate word…**

**CHLOE**

**They got dosed with love potion. **

**ZATANNA**

**What?**

**DINAH**

**Are you sure?**

**JIMMY**

**Pretty sure. It's um… it's happened before. **

Oliver's about to interject with another question, but he's distracted by Clark and Lois. First, they're holding hands. Second, Clark's leading Lois around the suite, as though unaware of the rest of them.

**CLARK**

**Wow… nicer than our room, huh? **

**LOIS**

**Yeah, look at this furniture…**

(prodding a couch)

**So nice, and… firm…**

**CLARK**

**Did you see the bed?**

**CHLOE**

**No going in the bedroom!**

Everyone's in a kind of trance as they watch the couple make a circuit of the room.

**LOIS**

**Clark! There's a jacuzzi!**

**CLARK**

**Lemme see…!**

Lois and Clark bound into the bathroom.

**LOIS**

**These light fixtures really are beautiful…**

**CLARK**

**I know! And the tiles…**

Chloe, despite the pain in her head, suddenly comes to a realisation. She jumps up, dashes for the bathroom.

**CHLOE**

**Oh, no! Don't even think of…!**

Too late. Lois and Clark slam the door in her face, locking it. Chloe collides with the door, carries on banging her fists against the wood.

**CHLOE**

**Come out of there right now! I'm warning you…!**

Oliver steps in, bodily dragging Chloe away.

**AC**

**Okay, what the hell is going on?**

**JIMMY**

**I think they wanna be alone. **

**DINAH**

**Because they're in love?**

**JIMMY**

**Lust, more like. **

**DINAH**

**Oh.**

(beat, realises, eyes wide)

**Ooooh….!**

**BART**

**I'm lost. **

They all look at him. In the sudden silence, we hear the distinctive sound of happy moans coming from the bathroom.

**BART**

**And now I'm found. **

Chloe sinks into a chair, groaning.

**JIMMY**

**I don't get it. How did they get dosed? The last time it was a lipstick. **

**ZATANNA**

**A lipstick?**

**JIMMY**

**Yeah, Valentine's Day, a couple years ago… Lois put on this lipstick that was doused with some kind of love potion. She fell in love with Clark, and when she kissed him…**

(to Chloe)

**Am I getting this right? **

Chloe sighs and nods.

**CHLOE**

**It was spiked with red meteor-rock. The stuff has a… stange effect on Clark. All his inhibitions take a holiday to Tahiti. **

**OLIVER**

**Wait a minute… Valentine's Day? A couple years ago?**

**CHLOE**

**Yeah…**

**OLIVER**

**Well, that explains the soft-core movie I found on the security tapes from the loft.**

**JIMMY**

**They were in your loft that night?**

**OLIVER**

**Getting hot and heavy. **

**BART**

**I'll give you ten thousand dollars for that tape!**

**OLIVER**

**You don't have ten thousand dollars. **

**BART**

**I'll give you ten dollars for that tape!**

**VICTOR**

**I don't get it, though… Who drugged them? And why? They were investigating Le Carre. Do you think he did it? **

**CHLOE**

**Maybe. I don't know. **

(nods at laptop)

**What have you found? **

**OLIVER**

**Nothing we can make sense of. **

Chloe approaches, takes seat.

**CHLOE**

**Can someone put the stereo on, or something? I really don't want to be listening to that. **

The sounds from the bathroom grow steadily louder. Bart puts on the stereo. The song that comes on is: 'Somebody Save Me', by a band nobody's ever heard of.

**CHLOE**

(reading)

**The front for Le Carre's mob dealings is Tonal International. Supposedly a family business started by his father. They still maintain it's a family enterprise. There's even a pictuire of…**

Chloe trails off, gaping at the screen.

**OLIVER**

**What? What is it? **

**CHLOE**

**Jimmy… take a look at this for a second. **

Jimmy approaches, looks at screen.

**JIMMY**

**What am I looking at? **

**CHLOE**

**This family portrait. There…**

Shot of screen. We see a picture of Le Carre, and a number of men. Beside Le Carre, is a familiar-looking woman.

**JIMMY**

**No way!**

**VICTOR**

**Who is she?**

**CHLOE**

**His sister. Layla Le Carre…**

**ZATANNA**

**Wow… that name's a mouthful. **

**DINAH**

**You're one to talk. **

**BART**

**Again… who is she?**

**JIMMY**

**She's the woman who sold Lois the lipstick. She's drugged them again. **

**OLIVER**

**Okay, so this Layla woman drugs Lois and Clark to get them off the case, just so Le Carre can carry on buying stocks in companies that supply air conditioning coolant? **

**CHLOE**

**What?**

**VICTOR**

**That's the only thing we could find. That's all he's doing in Vegas. Buying into these companies that supply the other big hotels. **

Chloe appears pensive. They watch her intently.

**CHLOE**

**Well… what if…? What if…? What if he's planning on using those companies to leak the same stuff into the other casinos?**

**BART**

**Lipstick through an air conditioner?**

**CHLOE**

**I don't think it has to be lipstick. It's just a chemical. **

**OLIVER**

**If everybody starts reacting like Lois and Clark…**

**ZATANNA**

**The casino floors themselves will empty out faster than you can unzip a jeans. **

**VICTOR**

**It'll be chaos!**

**OLIVER**

**In every casino except this one. **

**BART**

**Pretty good plan, when you think about it. **

**JIMMY**

(beams at Chloe)

**That's my girl. Able to leap tall theories in a single exposition scene. **

Chloe grins.

**AC**

**So the question is… what do we do about it?**

**OLIVER**

**Our job. We find Le Carre, and we bring him to justice!**

Heroic music plays as we flash in on the determined faces of the team. Then: SFX: a loud crash! Splinters fly as Clark blasts straight through the bathroom door, landing in a heap in only his jeans.

**CLARK**

**Oops…**

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**


	23. Scene 37 & 38 & 39 & 40

A/N: Hey guys... sorry for the delay on these chapters. I was so busy this week it was actually, as Bart would say, a bit ridonkulous! Anyway, these are, hopefully, action-packed and funny enough to keep you going until next week. The conclusion's coming soon. Thanks for your great support so far.

Also, check out the poster I made for the fic: http:// thegryfter. blogspot. com (just remove the spaces and paste into your browser).

While you're at it, check out my new trailer for Tell Me A Beatiful Lie: http:// www. youtube. com /watch?v=C1uFsuRqGjk

Then check out the fic itself. LOL! Anyways... On with it, brave soldiers of the Justice League *note the sarcasm*...

* * *

**ESTABLISHING SHOTS - LAS VEGAS - NIGHT EXT**

**SCENE THIRTY SEVEN - BELLAGIO - CASINO - NIGHT INT**

A suave looking John Le Carre strides across the main floor, surrounded by five bodyguards, looking like he owns the place – which he does. They pass a blackjack table, where a dark haired woman turns to watch them pass. It's Zatanna.

**ZATANNA**

(taps earpiece)

**The shark is on the move. **

**CHLOE (V/O)**

**Copy. Impulse, Canary, Aquaman, Cyborg, Arrow, are you in postiion?**

Cut to:

**SCENE THIRTY EIGHT - BELLAGIO - GROUNDS - FOUNTAINS - NIGHT EXT**

Oliver's in his Green Arrow suit, skulking behind a pillar near the famous fountains.

**OLIVER**

**Roger.**

**DINAH (V/O)**

**Roger.**

**VICTOR (V/O)**

**Roger. **

**AC (V/O)**

**Roger. **

**BART (V/O)**

**Rodney. **

Oliver shakes his head.

**OLIVER**

**What's the status on Boy Scout and Wild Cherry? **

Cut to:

**SCENE THIRTY NINE - BELLAGIO - OLIVER'S SUITE - NIGHT INT**

SFX: corny music – like in old three stooges films. C/U on Jimmy's face. He's whistling the tune. Slowly pull back. Jimmy's sitting smack in-between Lois and Clark, who look extremely grumpy, on the couch. We pull back, and see Chloe watching them from her station at the desk. Chloe turns back to the laptop.

**CHLOE**

**The bottle is corked for now. **

Cut to:

**SCENE FORTY - BELLAGIO - LOBBY - NIGHT INT**

Zatanna's following Le Carre and his goons across the lobby.

**ZATANNA**

**ETA five seconds…**

Cut to:


	24. Scene 41 & 42

**SCENE FORTY ONE - BELLAGIO - GROUNDS - FOUNTAINS - NIGHT EXT**

Oliver turns to AC, who's standing beside him.

**OLIVER**

**Get ready. **

AC looks hungrily at the water in the fountain.

**AC**

**Finally…**

Camera swings to hotel doors. Le Carre and goons steps out, descend the steps to a waiting limo. Pull back, and AC dives into the fountain. We see an orange blur under the water for a second, before the jets of the fountain explode into the air, followed closely by a grinning AC.

**AC**

**_Yee-haaaaaah!_**

Angle on, Le Carre and goons. They're startled. The goons act on instinct, whipping out their guns, as everybody looks up at the screaming man arcing through the sky. Suddenly, a flash of red, and their guns '_disappear_' out of their hands.

**LE CARRE**

**What the hell?**

A piercing, painful noise shatters the air. We follow the sound ripples back across the quad, to Canary, screeching for all she's worth. Angle back on: Le Carre and his guards, who stumble, hands over their ears, screaming in pain. An arrow flashes through the air, embedding itself in a pillar. Two jets of smoke hiss out of the end of the arrow. In seconds, Le Carre and his men, as well as everyone else on the stairs, crumple in a heap, unconscious.

**OLIVER**

(steps into shot)

**The shark is down. **

Bart, Dinah, Zatanna, AC and Victor join him. Victor bends down, scoops Le Carre into his arms and roughly shoves him in the back of the limo. Bart speeds round to the driver's door.

**BART**

**I'm driving! **

Everybody clambers in.

Cut to:

**SCENE FORTY TWO - BELLAGIO - OLIVER'S SUITE - NIGHT EXT**

Chloe spins in her chair again, facing a very uncomfortable Jimmy. Lois and Clark are turned away from him, seemingly in a sulk.

**CHLOE**

**They've got him. Soon, we'll be able to get you two back to normal. **

**CLARK**

(mumbles)

**Fine…**

**LOIS**

(mumbles)

**Whatever…**

**CHLOE**

**Sheesh… you'd think they want to stay like this. **

Cut to:


	25. Scene 43 & 44 & 45

**SCENE FORTY THREE - LIMOUSINE - NIGHT INT**

Everyone's spread out over the slumbering form of Le Carre. The car suddenly swings violently, throwing everyone to one side.

**DINAH**

**Aargh!**

**AC**

**What the hell?**

**OLIVER**

**Impulse!**

**BART**

**Sorry. **

**OLIVER**

**Have you even driven a car before?**

**BART**

**Of course not. Why would I?**

**AC**

**We're all gonna die…**

**DINAH**

**Let's get what we came for first. **

She leans over Le Carre, gives him two quick, rough slaps.

**DINAH**

**Hey!**

AC nudges Oliver.

**AC**

**That turn you on?**

**OLIVER**

**Shut up. **

Le Carre stirs, still groggy, blinks up at the faces gathered around him.

**LE CARRE**

**What the…?**

**OLIVER**

**Can you hear me? **

**LE CARRE**

**Er… yes. Who the hell are you people? **

**OLIVER**

**We just wanna ask you a coupla questions. **

**DINAH**

(stern)

**We'll only ask nicely once!**

AC nudges Oliver again.

**AC**

**Come on, don't tell me that doesn't turn you on. **

Oliver glares at AC, before turning his attention back to Le Carre.

**OLIVER**

**You caught the trail of two reporters. They were staying in your hotel, and you drugged them. We want the antidote. **

Le Carre's starting to come round, pulls himself up, looking defiant.

**LE CARRE**

**I don't know what the hell you're talking about. **

Before he can blink, Victor's hand shoots out, pinning Le Carre's face to the window, where the lights of Vegas flash by.

**DINAH**

**Told you… only once. **

**OLIVER**

**Where's the antidote? **

Le Carre squirms, trying to break free, but Victor has him.

**LE CARRE**

**Lemme go! I don't have it!**

Victor releases him. Le Carre rubs the side of his face.

**ZATANNA**

**But there is an antidote?**

**LE CARRE**

**My sister has the last of it, and she took off. The bitch!**

**BART**

(swings round, arm over the back of the seat)

**Dude! That's no way to talk about your sister!**

**AC**

**Impulse! Eyes on the road!**

**BART**

**Sorry!**

Bart turns around again.

**OLIVER**

**You don't know where she is? **

**LE CARRE**

**If I did, I'd be able to go through with it. **

**OLIVER**

**Through with what?**

Le Carre suddenly realises he's said too much, clams up.

**OLIVER**

**Go through with what?**

Le Carre shakes his head, refuses to say more. Dinah smirks, lets out a pinpoint sqeak. Le Carre screams, clutching his ears.

**AC**

**She can get even louder. **

**LE CARRE**

**Alright, alright…! I was gonna release the stuff into the other casinos. Just chuck the pieces round the board a little bit. **

(beat)

**My sister got wind of the plan, took off with the antidote. I can't get no guarantee the stuff won't spread to my casinos, so I had to pull the plug. **

**VICTOR**

**That's one less thing to worry about. **

**DINAH**

**Where's your stash of the potion?**

**LE CARRE**

**In my safe. **

Dinah glances at Oliver, silently asking the question: 'Can you break in?'

**OLIVER**

**No sweat. **

**DINAH**

**We about done with this one? **

**AC**

**Looks like…**

**DINAH**

**Good. I always wanted to try something. **

Cut to:

**SCENE FORTY FOUR - LAS VEGAS - STREET CORNER - NIGHT EXT**

Couple of late night characters around. The usual: tourists, locals, pimps and cops. They watch as a sleek limo zooms by. Suddenly, the back door opens and a man in a smart suit tumbles out onto the tarmac.

Cut back to:

**SCENE FORTY FIVE - LIMOUSINE - NIGHT EXT**

Dinah slams the door, and sits back in her seat, smiling sweetly.

**DINAH**

**That was fun. **

**OLIVER**

(taps earpiece)

**Watchtower… we're returning to base. **

Cut to:


	26. Scene 46

A/N: Okay, so this is the last batch. It's finally finished. I want to say thank you to Maiqu, Vita4Amore, LadyLemons, Chlollie, JKArnus and TheRandomHero... your reviews got this done! After this, I'm going back a bit and writing the sequel to 'We Have A Lot To Talk About'... look out for that later this week. Until then... enjoy... I hope. And review! I'm not above begging :-)

* * *

**ESTABLISHING SHOTS - MGM GRAND - NIGHT EXT**

**SCENE FORTY SIX - MGM GRAND - JIMMY'S SUITE - NIGHT INT**

A completely morose, throughly depressed Clark is sitting on the couch in a completely new room, in a new hotel. He's got his brooding face on, staring at the wall like he's about to set it on fire. A concerned Jimmy, Oliver, Bart, AC and Victor are gathered around him.

**BART**

**Wanna watch some tube, big guy?**

Clark shakes his head.

**JIMMY**

**We could go play some blackjack. **

Clark shakes his head.

**AC**

**You could cheat using your x-ray vision. It'll be fun. **

**CLARK**

**No!**

The other guys sigh, and move away, leaving Clark alone.

**VICTOR**

**He looks terrible. **

**AC**

**Are we sure it's a good idea keeping him away from Lois? **

**OLIVER**

**Until this stuff wears off… absolutely. They'd regret it afterwards. **

**BART**

**Well, it's not like they haven't already…**

**OLIVER**

(cuts in)

**That was different. We're here now. We can't just let them carry on and pretend like nothing's wrong. **

**CLARK (O/S)**

**What's so wrong about it? **

They all turn to face an indignant Clark.

**OLIVER**

**What?**

**CLARK**

**What's so wrong about Lois and I being together? Why are you keeping me from the woman I love? **

**OLIVER**

**Because you don't love her, Clark!**

Shocked silence. Everyone steps away from Oliver, ready for the explosion from Clark. But it doesn't come. Instead, Clark suddenly has tears in his eyes and he sinks onto the couch, curling up into a ball.

**BART**

**Way to go, Jolly Green Giant! Now you made him cry!**

**OLIVER**

**I… but… I didn't…**

**VICTOR**

**Yeah, way to go, Ollie. **

**OLIVER**

**But…**

**AC**

**Real smooth, bro…**

**OLIVER**

**No, I…**

**JIMMY**

**I think you should leave. **

Oliver shakes his head in disbelief.

**OLIVER**

(grumbles)

**This isn't a superhero society… it's a junior high field trip…**

Oliver marches out the door, followed by Victor, AC and Bart.

**BART**

**Think anyone'll take bets on whether I can run faster than that little roulette ball? **

They close the door behind them. Jimmy turns to Clark, very uncertain.

**JIMMY**

**CK… you alright? **

Clark doesn't answer. Jimmy goes to sit next to him.

**JIMMY**

**Ollie's right, you know? If you and Lois… I mean… when this stuff wears off, you'll regret doing anything. **

**CLARK**

(very soft)

**I don't want it to wear off, Jimmy…**

Jimmy is stunned, doesn't know what to say. The silence grows more and more uncomfortable, until Jimmy can't take it anymore.

**JIMMY**

**It's been a long coupla days. I'm gonna turn in. **

**CLARK**

**You're just going to leave me here without a babysitter? **

**JIMMY**

**I trust you… CK. **

Clark actually manages a smile. Jimmy gets up, goes into the bedroom. Clark lies there for a few seconds, just staring at nothing. There's a knock at the door. Clark waits for Jimmy to re-emerge, but he doesn't. Instead, Clark hears the shower start up. Shrugging, Clark crosses to the door, and opens it. We stay tight on Clark's face, not revealing the visitor.

**CLARK**

**Hi. **

Cut to:


	27. Scene 47

**SCENE FORTY SEVEN - MGM GRAND - COCKTAIL BAR - NIGHT INT**

Zatanna and Dinah at the bar. They collect four overly-elaborate fruity drinks from the bartender, head over to a table, where Chloe is sitting with Lois, as morose and depressed as Clark.

**ZATANNA**

**Here you go, girls…**

They hand out the drinks, take a seat. Lois grabs her drink, immediately starts draining it.

**CHLOE**

**Whoah, Lois… slow down. **

Lois shoots her a death-glare.

**DINAH**

**I don't really get how this love potion stuff works. You like… can't think about anything else except being with Clark? **

**LOIS**

**No! I can think! Of course I can think! I just… I miss him. **

**CHLOE**

**He's right upstairs. And he'll still be there when this stuff wears off. Then, if you two still want to be together…**

**LOIS**

**Why are you saying it like that? **

**CHLOE**

**Like what? **

**LOIS**

**Like the only reason I'm with him is because of the potion. **

**CHLOE**

**I'm sorry. **

Beat. Lois suddenly tears up.

**LOIS**

**What if it's true, Chlo? What if we wake up tomorrow, and we hate each other?**

Lois starts sobbing into her drink.

**DINAH**

**Now look what you did!**

**ZATANNA**

**Real classy, Watchtower!**

**CHLOE**

**I… but… I didn't…**

Dinah starts rubbing Lois' back.

**DINAH**

**There, there, honey…**

**BART (O/S)**

**Man! This is like the most depressing Vegas weekend ever!**

The girls turn around. Bart, Oliver, Victor and AC sidle up to them.

**OLIVER**

**Thought you girls might like some company. **

**ZATANNA**

**I don't think Lois is up for it right now. **

**AC**

**Come on, Lo. We can hit the tables, have a few drinks… It'll take your mind off of it. **

**LOIS**

**No. I just wanna go to bed. **

Lois stands up, gulps the rest of her drink, makes to head off.

**CHLOE**

**I'll come with you. **

**LOIS**

**No. You've done enough. All of you. **

With that, Lois storms out.

**OLIVER**

**Yeah, we're real popular with those two right now. **

**CHLOE**

**They'll be fine in the morning. I hope. **

**BART**

**Well, I don't know about you guys, but I could use a round on the tables. All this moping ain't gonna slow me down. **

**OLIVER**

**For once, impulse… you've got the right idea. **

**BART**

**Er… what?**

**OLIVER**

**I said you're right. **

**BART**

(suspicious)

**Why? What are you planning? **

Oliver laughs, holds out his hand to Dinah. She just stares at it.

**OLIVER**

**You coming? **

Dinah hesitates only for a second, then smiles and takes his hand. They all head out.

**AC**

**So, Vic… think you can tap into the Million Dollar slots? Send some pennies our way?**

**VICTOR**

**That's cheating. **

**AC**

**Yeah, and your point? **

Cut to:


	28. Scene 48 & 49

**SCENE FORTY EIGHT - MGM GRAND - ELEVATOR - NIGHT INT**

Lois is riding up on the elevator. She's counting the numbers as they light up, looking more down than anyone in the history of the world ever. Finally, the doors open. She doesn't get off, though. Instead, she's startled as a figure steps in front of her.

**LOIS**

**You…**

Cut to:

**SCENE FORTY NINE - MGM GRAND - CASINO - NIGHT INT**

Dinah, Chloe and Victor watch as Zatanna, AC, Oliver and Bart try their hand at blackjack. Dealer taps Bart's cards.

**BART**

**Hit me!**

**VICTOR**

**Dude, you're on seventeen. **

**BART**

**I know. **

**VICTOR**

**You don't hit on seventeen!**

**BART**

**I do when he's showing a nine!**

**VICTOR**

**You gotta play the percentages. **

**BART**

**And you gotta upgrade your 'shut your mouth' programme. **

**CHLOE**

**Guys! We've been here for three hours. Can you just get it over with? **

**BART**

**Hit me!**

Dealer gives him a card. Queen of Hearts.

**BART**

**Oh…! Man! That hurt more than a two-dollar hooker with cold sores getting kicked in the stomach! **

Dead silence. then:

**AC**

**Dude… that was… colourful…**

Oliver stands.

**OLIVER**

**Alright. I guess we should all get some sleep. **

They gather their chips, are just about to leave when they spot a nervous Jimmy approaching.

**JIMMY**

**Hey guys…**

**CHLOE**

**Jimmy. We thought you were sleeping. **

**JIMMY**

**I was. I, uh… I just had a question. **

**OLIVER**

**About what?**

**JIMMY**

**Have you guys seen Clark? **

**OLIVER**

**What?**

**BART**

**Dude! You lost him?**

**JIMMY**

**I wanted to turn in. And I told him I trusted him. I thought we had a nice moment. **

**AC**

**Great! Square one! Hi! You look familiar!**

**OLIVER**

**Impulse – quick sweep! Cyborg, you check the perimeter! Aquaman! The grounds! Canary, Zatanna, upper floors! I'll check the employee areas. **

**CHLOE**

**I'd better get to our room and double-check that Lois pulled a runner too. **

**JIMMY**

**What do you want me to do?**

**OLIVER**

**Go to your room. **

**JIMMY**

**Right. Gotcha. **

Everyone huurries off to their assigned tasks. Jimmy trudges back in the direction of the elevators. He doesn't even notice where he's going and barrels straight into:

**CLARK**

**Jimmy! Good. I found you. **

**JIMMY**

**CK! Where did you go? **

**CLARK**

**I had to talk to Lois. I'll explain later. But you have to help me find the others. **

**JIMMY**

**Er… okay. Why? **

**CLARK**

**Lois and I are getting married!**

**JIMMY**

**Oh… God. Oh, God! Chloe's gonna kill me! In that… weird, creative way, and I'm so not looking forward to it. I thought I'd be around for a while, you know? Someone who fits into the bigger story, but no… You have to pull this, and bam! Killed off before the good part!**

**CLARK**

**Jimmy, relax! It's okay. I'll explain later. Just find the others, and meet me at The Chapel o' Love down the strip. **

**JIMMY**

**Oh, God…**

Grinning, Clark makes to head off. Then, something occurs to him, and he turns back.

**CLARK**

**Jimmy… one more thing. **

**JIMMY**

**You need my kidney too? **

**CLARK**

**No. **

(beat)

**Will you be my best man? **

Jimmy just gapes at him, completely speechless.

**CLARK**

**Jimmy, please. I'm marrying the woman of my dreams tonight. There's no one else I'd rather have up there with me. **

(Clark grins even wider)

**After all… you were the first to see that there was more to Lois and Clark than we wanted to admit. **

Jimmy can't think of anything else to say, except:

**JIMMY**

**Of course. I'd be honoured, CK. **

Clark beams, claps Jimmy on the shoulder, and rushes off. Jimmy stares after him, smiling stupidly. Then, the reality of the situation hits and he loses the smile.

**JIMMY**

**Now Chloe's really gonna kill me…**

**VOICE (O/S)**

**I think we can make her understand. **

Jimmy whirls round, and comes face to face with none other than Layla le Carre, the red kryptonite lipstick lady.

**JIMMY**

**You!**

**LAYLA**

**I've been getting that a lot tonight. **

**JIMMY**

**This is all your fault. You dosed Lois and Clark again, and now… now…**

(beat)

**You gotta help me. You gotta give them the antidote! It's not too late. **

**LAYLA**

**Actually, it is…**

**JIMMY**

**What? But they…**

**LAYLA**

**I already gave them the antidote. Three hours ago. **

**JIMMY**

**What? **

**LAYLA**

**I didn't drug your friends, Jimmy. My brother did. When I found out what he was up to, I left. I found Lois and Clark tonight, and reversed the effects. **

**JIMMY**

**But they're getting married. **

**LAYLA**

**I know. **

**JIMMY**

**So that means…?**

Realisation dawns on Jimmy's face.

**JIMMY**

**Oh…**

**LAYLA**

**I told you a long time ago that Lois and Clark's destinies are a lot more intertwined than they realise. **

Jimmy grins.

**LAYLA**

**I think your friends are waiting for you. **

**JIMMY**

**Thanks. **

He makes to head off.

**LAYLA**

**Jimmy!**

Jimmy turns.

**LAYLA**

**I like that girl Chloe… you look good together. **

If possible, Jimmy's smile gets even wider, and he dashes off. Layla beams, proud of what she's done.


	29. Scene 50

**SCENE FIFTY - CHAPEL O' LOVE - SIDEWALK - NIGHT EXT**

High angle shot from across the road. A neon sign saying: 'Chapel 'o Love' burns over the wide double doors, closed for now. A limousine is parked out front. Suddenly, the doors burst open and Lois, Clark, Chloe, Jimmy, Oliver, Dinah, Bart, Zatanna, AC and Victor (in smart tuxes and evening gowns) all tumble out, cheering loudly and pelting each other with confetti. We stay high up, as though watching them from the opposite rooftop as they congratulate the bride and groom.

**BART**

**Alright, now where's the party?**

**OLIVER**

**The Stratosphere Tower!**

**ZATANNA**

**No! The Whiskey Bar!**

**DINAH**

**No! Caramel! I love Caramel!**

**CLARK**

**Sorry, guys… I got a better idea. **

**AC**

**What?**

**CLARK**

**We're gonna climb into this limo, and we're heading out into the dessert. Then we're gonna stop at the first down and dirty blues bar we find. Where they serve old pretzels and long-nosed beers, and we're gonna dance the night away. **

**LOIS**

**That sounds… perfect. **

Clark grins as she winds her arms around his neck and kisses him.

**BART**

**Alright! I'm drivin'!**

**EVERYBODY**

**No****!**

**T**hey all start piling into the limo, and the camera pulls back, revealing two figures on the roof opposite. One, a short, almost dwarf-like character, and a tall, imposing man in boots and a cape. The man in the cape is smiling. The tiny one looks up at him.

**MXYZPTLK**

**Bring back memories…?**

**SUPERMAN**

**A few…**

**MXYZPTLK**

**So… now you know? You've seen the one who started all this. And why you have to…**

**SUPERMAN**

**Nobody's going to die. **

**MXYZPTLK**

**Always the Boy Scout. Haven't you learned anything from this little jaunt into the past? **

**SUPERMAN**

**Yes, I did. I learned more than you think.**

**MXYZPTLK**

**Fine. Never could change your mind, Blue. **

**SUPERMAN**

**They look happy, don't they? **

**MXYZPTLK**

**You**** look happy. **

We focus on the younger Clark, who's joined Bart in hanging out the sunroof.

**MXYZPTLK**

**Is that a smile on your face? Do Kryptonians forget how to do that when they grow up? **

**SUPERMAN**

**Maybe.**

**MXYZPTLK**

**Always so serious, Blue Steel! **

(beat)

**Is the party at least fun? **

**SUPERMAN**

**It was. It happened exactly like we said. We found a bar. They had a band. We drank beer and we danced all night. It was… perfect. **

**MXYZPTLK**

**We could join 'em. I could bippity-boppity-boo you and no one would know who you are. **

Close up on Superman's face. He looks terribly tempted for a second. But then the mask – of duty, and responsibility – slides into place again. When he speaks, it's with only a trace of regret.

******SUPERMAN**

**No, Mxy… Come. **

His eyes linger on his younger self for a few seconds, as the limo speeds away, taking the joyous bunch with it.

**SUPERMAN**

**Let's leave him to his life. **

The camera drifts up, up, and away… showing the limo cutting a swathe through the twinkling lights of the Vegas night. Then, two dots that get closer and closer, until we slam cut into a shot of Superman, taking off towards… what? Who knows?

* * *

**END CREDITS**

* * *

**A/N: Well, guys, that's it... it's been a heck of a ride. Thanks to everyone who stuck with this, and kept reading, even when the silliness sometimes got too much. I'm looking forward to coming back to this world, and this format when my other stories give me a chance... Please leave reviews... comments and musings, and let me know what you think will happen next. Until we meet again, roll on September 25th!**


End file.

Smallville, Adventure, Humor