Mass Effect The Great Mako Coup

**The Great Mako Coup**

**Shepard**

"Kaiden, Garrus, gear up. We will be at Mavigon in about an hour. Meet me at the Mako." I walked off to my room not seeing the look that my teammates gave each other. I hurried out of my room a short time later and slid to a halt as I fiddled with my glove. Looking up I saw all of them sitting around the table looking guilty.

"Commander…we need to talk." Kaiden said standing up glancing around at the others.

I snorted. "This looks like an intervention." When they glanced at each other again and looked down I knew something was up. Ash should have laughed at that. "What's going on?"

Kaiden pulled out a chair and beckoned me forward. I sat down in it and leaned my elbows on the table, lacing my fingers together and rested my chin on them. This should be good, I thought.

"Well, the thing is…Shepard…we…" Garrus started, but trailed off as I turned my commander mask to him.

"Friends don't let friends try to kill other friends in the Mako." Ash finally blurted out. I looked around at each of them. They were serious.

I started laughing. "Oh, come on, guys! I'm not that bad!"

"Shepard, sometimes a mountain can't be climbed." Wrex stated.

"Sometimes it is better to go the long way rather than over something…challenging." Garrus added.

"So…this is a Mako intervention?" I asked staring at them dumbfounded. Well at least they were all working together.

"Maybe we are overreacting. Perhaps Shepard doesn't need us questioning her abilities?" Liara said softly.

"You haven't been with her in it yet, so you don't get to comment." Ash snapped.

"I am not that bad!" I insisted.

"Not that bad?" Squeaked Ash. "Commander, no offense, but seriously, just because it eventually lands back on it's tires, doesn't mean you should try flipping it!"

"Shepard, we only have the one Mako. I don't know how much more I can patch her. At the rate we're going, we'll need a new one after this mission." Garrus said shaking his head.

I looked down and frowned. "So what are you all trying to say?"

"Damn it, Shepard! You can't drive the Mako anymore." Kaiden snapped. He looked shocked by his own outburst.

"My stomachs can't take another ride like the last one. And I'm a damn krogan!" Wrex said drawing my attention off Kaiden.

"Please, Shepard. Understand that we love you and we just want what's best." Tali said reaching out to squeeze my hand. It was too much. I laid my head down on the table. I could feel the others uneasiness as my shoulders began shaking and strange strangled noises escaped past my clinched lips. I felt Liara get up and move to my side.

"Now look what you all have done! You have made her cry." Liara scolded them. And that was the finally straw. I couldn't even attempt to hold it in anymore. I threw my head back and roared with laughter. Tears poured down my face. They were all so worried about offending me that my laughing caught them all off guard.

"You guys…" I panted trying to catch my breath. "Are all such big weenies." I finished holding my sides as they had started to ache.

"What is a weenie?" Liara asked puzzled.

"I believe it is a meat by product that humans seem to enjoy." Garrus explained.

"Why would she call us a meat by product? And what is a meat by product?" Liara asked even more puzzled.

"You don't want to know what it is, trust me. And she means we're pansies." Ash tried to explain. When all the aliens looked at her confused she tried again. "Um…it's an insult to our…manliness? Help me out here, LT." She said giving up.

"But we aren't men." Tali said.

"She means we're cowards." Kaiden said stopping the pointless conversation and trying to keep a serious face as I dissolved to the floor laughing at all the strange conversation around me. "We had a point, Shepard." He said sternly. I peeked up at them from the floor as they all looked down at me. I tried to contain my mirth as twelve pairs of eyes bore down on me. Some confused, others exasperated.

"And that would be what? Is this a Mako mutiny?"

"What is…" Liara started to ask, but Ash held up her hand.

"We'll explain later."

"Yes, in a way it is. You can't drive the Mako any more, Shepard." Garrus said frowning down at me.

"Come on, Garrus." I said pleading.

"No, we mean it. For all our safety. No more, Shepard." Kaiden replied.

"Is that an order, Lieutenant?" I asked arching my eyebrow at him. I was sure the coolness of my tone and my look were somewhat foiled by the fact that I was laying on the floor looking up at them upside down.

"Consider it a…request." He said backing down. I could tell he feared that he had crossed a line. I sighed and reached out my hand. He took it and helped me up.

I dusted myself off and said, "You take all my joy. But fine. If it means so much that you would all join up to have a Mako intervention. I won't drive anymore. I'll just sit glumly in the back, sighing."

"Whatever you need to do, so long as you aren't driving." Garrus said with a smirk, catching that I wasn't really angry.

I pouted a bit before laughing. "Mako mutiny! That's a new one! Well, if you are all done attacking me, we have a crime boss who is _dying _to be taken down."

"And the bad jokes keep coming. I didn't realize Joker had a sister." Kaiden teased as he and Garrus headed for the elevator.

"Yuck it up all you want, Alenko." I taunted back. "No, I'm not mad, Liara. Don't worry." I rolled my eyes and hurried off to join the others. I sincerely hoped they wrecked the Mako and proved that it wasn't just my driving.

**Joker**

I couldn't believe they had taken the Mako from Shepard. I had to admit they had some guts. Mainly I was surprised when she let them. She loved that thing. Granted, it did always come back a little banged up, and the crew were green who tumbled out of it, but still. Shepard seemed to be in good humor about it though. She referred to it as the Great Mako Coup.

I couldn't help but now pay avid attention to who was driving the Mako. The first time out, Kaiden had drove it and got them a little lost. Sure the whole frozen planet is a blinding snowstorm, but Shepard had never once gotten lost. And now they were back after hunting for a man's missing brother. They had found him, but not alive. Shepard strolled up to the cock pit in rare form. Normally she was tired and grumpy after a mission, especially one that had ended like this one.

"Why so chipper?" I asked as I plotted the course for the Citadel.

"Well, I wasn't driving the Mako this time."

"Uh, huh." I said still not getting it. Shepard hadn't driven it since the coup. She frowned suddenly.

"I know it is wrong to be this happy when we found Willem dead, but that isn't why I'm happy. I wish we could have found him sooner."

"Commander, from Alenko's reports he had been dead long before you knew about it. There was nothing you could have done."

"Still. I'd like to just once not have to deliver the bad news. Can't one mission go right?" She sighed.

"Sorry." I mumbled not knowing what to say. I wasn't good with this sort of thing. "So, why are you, or were you so happy?" I asked. She looked back up at me with a wicked grin.

"I wasn't driving the Mako."

"Uh, huh?" So we were back to this again.

"If you open a com right now to the cargo bay it will be filled with cursing. And not just the human variety." She grinned.

"What?"

"Well, they decided Garrus should drive this time since Kaiden got us lost last time. And…" She paused wiggling her eyebrows at me.

"And?" I asked looking at her.

"The Mako is barely hanging together right now. It's gonna take a week for Garrus to get it back to working order. Good thing I had already put in that request for a new one." She chuckled.

"He destroyed the Mako?" I all but squeaked. This was way too funny. He was Mister Tech Man himself, and he couldn't even handle the damn thing.

"Yep. Drove it the 'easy way' right into a nest of thresher maws." She laughed slapping her knee.

"Thresher maws? Is everyone alright?" I asked assuming they were as she was laughing and here instead of med bay.

"Yeah, yeah. Everyone's fine, but I bet no one is gonna complain about my short cuts anymore!" She laughed with glee. I laughed with her and opened up the com to the cargo bay. It was filled with human, turian, and quarian cursing. Wrex was laughing at them saying maybe Shepard wasn't such a bad driver after all.

"Shut up, Wrex!" shouted three different voices.

"Commander, I will pay you my whole paycheck if you go take pictures." I laughed. She smiled and waved her Omni tool at me.

"Here's where they realized what was happening…" She began and we laughed as we flipped through her pictures documenting the whole ordeal.

_Author's notes_

_This is part of a full story I have been working on. I haven't decided if I want to finish it or not. The Mako Coup was one of my favorite parts and I realized it would work as a stand alone. So I thought why not put it out there. Thanks for reading and reviewing. *wink wink*_


End file.

Mass Effect, Humor