Twilight 1. Chapter 1

_**Now**_

With each pulse of the music I stagger-stumble down the hall. My fingers drag along the wall, the peeling wallpaper―yellowed and faded―catches under my nails. It flakes and falls to the floor. I pause when the room spins and blackness creeps around the edges of my vision. Closing my eyes, I try to focus on the lub-dub thud of my sluggish heartbeat. Its dull pulse rattles in my ears and my eyes sting for no reason at all.

That's not true. I know the reason.

He's right down the hall.

He's the gasoline that slithers across the floor. He's the flint that will ignite the flame. He's the breath on my skin, spreading his hypnotic scent until the hallucinations turn his lies into truth. He's destruction and death.

My death.

Yet I stand in the pyre, arms open wide, letting him douse me in poison and burn me alive.

Tongue thick, I swallow back bile. My grip tightens around the bottle in my hand and I pull in a shallow breath. Pills swim through my blood, chasing oblivion and seeking refuge where none can be found. I have to leave. I have to mean it this time.

Stagger-stumble-step. Leaded feet rise and fall, unsteady and hesitant. It's his laugh I hear first. Low and melodic, dark and possessive, yet somehow hollow. Empty. Lost and alone. Just like me.

"Baby."

I tremble when he speaks. His voice rolls across the room like a fog, swallowing me in haze of lust and longing. For a split second, I hesitate. I revel in the warmth that surrounds me. Blurry and clouded, my gaze sweeps across the room to where he sits. He's drunk and high. Disconnected and disjointed.

"C'mere."

I look into his eyes, and I see it. The emptiness. The desire for a connection lost somewhere between cocaine binges and broken hearts. The impulse to hang on to what's familiar. What's left of a life that's become nothing more than a lie. A countdown until the lights flicker and fade and the world goes dark. Before we rot in wooden boxes or float away on the wind and scatter the ashes of our bodies into the open air.

"I wanna go home." My voice sounds off. I'm underwater, sinking to the bottom of nothingness as each gasping breath floods my lungs with water. I don't have the energy to fight it. I don't know that I'd bother if I did.

"You are home." There's an edge to his tone. He's agitated. But he's wrong. This isn't home. Not for me. Not for him. We don't have a real home, not in the way that matters. Not anymore.

"Baby, please. I'm tired." Pleading will do me no good. I know this.

"Then sleep. Here. I really shouldn't be driving anyway. We might get into an accident."

My eyes prick with tears. Heartache and loneliness swell and crest over me. I see the hatred he tries so hard to hide. The complete disdain he has for me. It's the only emotion that shows anymore. The only one strong enough to break through the haze of drugs he buries himself in. The same one I bury myself in. The one that will eventually kill us both. Maybe that's our fate. Our punishment for what we did to them.

No. Not we. Me. What I did. And even though he's here, warm and breathing, I did it to him as well. Would an accident really be so bad? An end to all the pain and misery.

His thumb sweeps across my cheek and I pull in a weak, shuddering breath. He sways and his eyes drop to the teardrop slipping down his thumb. I'm surprised he was able to walk. I'm even more surprised that he bothered. "I'm sorry, baby. Please don't cry. Let me make you feel better."

Using his fingertips, he coaxes my lips apart. Bitterness coats my tongue for only a second before he lifts his drink and pours the oak-flavored liquor into my mouth. I swallow and sway. I've had too much, but he doesn't care and in a short while, neither will I. As the walls around me melt into blackness and the voices dull my only wish is that I could go back, that we could go back. Back to the time before it all fell apart.

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**Hi. Long time no angst. This won't be crazy long, but I can't promise when I'll update. As many of you know I'm working on my second book and gahhhh LIFE! But, it will complete just like all my stories do. Also, you're more than welcome to blame Nerdy for me posting this. She's a pushing pusher who pushes. She also has a new story called Push. Coincidence? I THINK NOT! See ya on the next one.**

**~Li**v


	2. Chapter 2

_**Then**_

I sit on Alice's bed with my legs crossed and a smile that could blind the sun stretched across my face. Her expression mirrors mine as we clutch identical envelopes. My hands tremble-shake and my cheeks ache from the excitement burning hot under my skin.

"Open it," she demands, her words broken by nervous anticipation.

I look to the door, waiting for bronze hair, green eyes, and a smile that claimed my heart years ago to walk into the room and wrap me in the confidence necessary to see my future spelled out in black and white. "Shouldn't we wait for Edward and Jasper? They'll want to be here for this."

Alice rolls her eyes and grabs my hand. Her expression becomes oddly serious and it causes a lump to form in my throat. "My grades are terrible. I can roll a joint faster than I can tell you what x plus y equals. And no matter how much money daddy donates to the college, it doesn't guarantee I'll be accepted. That being said, Jessica 'I set my eyelashes on fire with a curling iron' got accepted. We're a shoe in. Now open your damn letter so we can get to celebrating with our guys when they get here."

I laugh and nod. "If your brother kills us, you have no one to blame but yourself."

"As his girlfriend, you have nothing to worry about. Now quit stalling."

With a shaky exhale, I rip the barrier to my future and let paper dust fly as I snatch the page from within. My vision blurs and a choked laugh bubbles and swells in my chest before breaking free and shattering the silence. Alice soon follows and we're nothing more than tangled limbs of giggles, sobs, and tummy-twisting euphoria. Moments later our guys burst into the room and rip us apart, kissing our tear-stained cheeks and twirling us in the air until the room spins and our sides hurt.

"I knew you could do it," Edward whispers in a breathy laugh as he squeezes me so so tight. I hide my face in the warmth of his neck and smile against his skin.

"That makes one of us."

He sets me on my feet and tips my chin until I'm lost in his soul-trapping green eyes. "You can doubt yourself all you want. I'll believe in you enough for the both of us."

I giggle and slap his arm. His crooked smile is sardonic and his disproving head shake further shows his displeasure in my obvious lack of confidence. "Sorry," I whisper, trying to appear contrite.

"Liar," he says in a scolding tone, but he's smiling so I know I'm forgiven. "We need to celebrate. Jasper?" We look to Alice, who is pulling on her sneakers and grabbing her stash.

"My thoughts exactly. Let's go to First Beach. I hear there's a party tonight. Jared is driving down from Seattle, too. He's got some stuff that will really get the party started." Jasper and Edward do that fist bump thing that all guys do while pulling Alice and I out the door.

I call my parents and share the good news while Alice does the same. My mom's excitement is genuine, even though I can hear the hesitence in her voice. I know she worries about Edward and I having unrestricted time together in a different city, but I won't let her worries bring me down.

For two years I've settled for weekends, holidays, and the few weeks during the summer when our friends and families weren't dragging us in opposite directions. We've broken up and made up more times than I can count, but that's what happens when your boyfriend starts his freshman year of college and you're only a junior in high school. Alice thought we were crazy, until she and Jasper went through the same thing last year.

None of that matters now. We're going to spend the next few months smoking weed on the beach under the stars and planning our futures. Come fall we'll all be together like we used to. Everything will be perfect. There's nothing left to stand in our way.

Warm arms wrap me from behind and I smile as I tell my mother goodbye. "Was she mad you didn't open your letter at home?"

I laugh and turn to face him, clasping my fingers behind his neck. "No way. The potential for the level of teenage angst a rejection letter would have created was beyond her tolerance level."

"You? Dramatic? Never."

I pull his hair and step on his foot just to prove I'm every bit as dramatic as he's mocking me for being. "You're supposed to be celebrating with me, not making fun of me."

"Can't I do both?" His eyes dart over my shoulder to make sure his parents are out of sight as he slides his hands down to cup my ass. I start to protest, but when his lips brush my neck and his breath fans my skin, I shut up and let him have his way.

"You _have_ always been great at multi-tasking."

I shut up and kiss him, because he's right. He's an excellent multi tasker.

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**OMG I see you angst hoors! Holy crap I've missed you. Thanks for all the love! This is not beta'd so...forgive me! The next two will be later this week. Be patient. ILY guys.**

**xoxo,**

**~Liv**


	3. Chapter 3

**I forgot my "not mine" disclaimer. So here it is. For the entire story. LOL**

* * *

_**Now**_

Heavy heat lays across my chest. The weight is suffocating. I try to move, to free myself, but clammy skin molds to my own. Defeated for the moment, I drop my head to the pillow and lick my cracked lips. I wince when the remnants of stale cigarettes and alcohol invade my senses. My eyes burn when they open, and no matter how many times I blink, the haze remains.

Beside me, Edward lets out a soft snore. I turn my cheek to the pillow and frown as I study him. I remember a time he looked like an angel when he slept. Before the dark circles, pallid skin, and sunken cheekbones.

Now he looks like a corpse.

The alarm by the bed goes off and I struggle to reach the button. Edward grunts in annoyance and rolls away, freeing me to move. I don't linger once it's silenced. If I wait, he'll trap me again and I'll never make it to work on time.

"Where are you going?" he asks. He doesn't even sound the same. The smooth soft texture of his voice has disappeared. Just like everything else.

"I have to get ready for work." _I__ need a break. _

"I thought you were fired." _No, that's just what you'd hoped._

"No. I convinced them I was sick. I'm sure it wasn't hard with the way I look."

He gives me a crooked smile that used to bring me to my knees. "You look beautiful. Come back to bed and I'll show you."

I shake my head. I can't let him pull me back. I have to stop being so weak. "You need to get up, too. You have class."

"Fuck class." His face twists into a sneer and I have to look away before he sees the tears pricking my eyes.

"You're going to flunk out, Edward."

"Yeah well, at least I bothered to enroll."

I swallow around the lump in my throat. "You know why I didn't."

"I know the excuse you used. I told you I would take care of it." He sits up on the bed and lights a cigarette. His elbows rest on his thighs and his head hangs low. Smoke billows around him like a halo and his hair covers his face.

He's guilting me. I know it and still I take one step then another until I stand between his knees. He grips the back of my thighs and I run my hands through his hair so I can see his face. When he looks up, my stomach twists.

"I don't want you paying for my school."

He pulls away and laughs dark and mean. "It's always about money. I find it hysterical that money is your hard limit considering the other things I've taken care of for you."

I suddenly can't breathe. "Please don't do this."

"Do what? Remind you? Why should you get to escape?"

My chest burns when a broken sob rips free. "I don't get to escape," I whisper.

He closes his eyes and takes another drag from his cigarette. "Don't leave."

"Come with me," I plead. "Let's go home." I look around the shithole we've woken in. The one he hasn't left in over a week. I don't even know who the house belongs to. The sheets reek of smoke and sweat. The floors are sticky and covered in filth. It's disgusting. It's a reflection of what we've become.

He shakes his head. I want to cry. I should walk away, set him free, but my nasty selfish side craves him. I'm as addicted to him as he is to cocaine and booze, binges and blackouts.

"Just for a while. A few days. We can spend some time together. Maybe cook your favorite meal." I look at his face and wonder the last time he's eaten. A day? A week? I can't remember. Neither can he. We can't continue this way or we'll both end up dead. As much as that seems like a viable option when I'm lost in a haze of pills and alcohol, I don't want to die. Not really. If for no other reason than to make sure he lives.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not home or class. And neither are you." His words are much sharper than they were just moments before. I know the cycle, what comes next.

"Edward, please."

He pulls me to his lap and wraps me in warmth. He breathes the softest of kisses against skin that burns and yearns for his touch. "I love you."

Down, down, down the rabbit hole we fall again.

"I love you, too," I whisper as his lips move across my skin. He pauses at the tattoo on my neck and lets out a shuddering breath. We sit frozen in silence and sadness as he runs his tongue over ink that covers a scar that serves as a reminder of all we had, all we lost.

I suddenly don't want to go to work. I don't want him to go to class. I want to wrap around him and anchor us together until we sink back to the bottom of oblivion. I know he feels the fight drain from my body by the way his shoulders sag. Tears prick my eyes as he peels the clothes from my body and drops them to the floor. I've let us both down again. Tomorrow. Tomorrow things will be different. Tomorrow I will be strong enough for us both.

Tomorrow.

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**Thank you guys so much for the amazing response! I don't know how express how damn much I've missed this. I'm going to try to post the next chapter this weekend!**

**On another note that I have avoided like the plague on this site, I'm going to address some questions I was asked in reviews. I'm only doing it here because they were asked by anon's and this is the only way I can respond. For the people who inquired about my books, here goes. After this I won't mention it again. I'll explain why.**

**My first book is called Hollywood &amp; Vine under the name Olivia Evans. You guys know it as Glycerine. So for those of you who have asked where it is, I pulled it. Not because I had to, but because there are mean people out there who want fanfiction writers to fail. They want to hurt us so they go to our Goodreads and Amazon pages and tell people to not buy our shitty p2p fanfiction when they can read it for free. Then they post a link to our profile page. **

**I get that people are against pull to publish, I DO. ****What I don't get is people who go out of their way to be hurtful or nasty. I reworked Glycerine for eight months. I cut 60k and edited a lot of scenes. Cut some, added some, and changed some. I spent almost 2 years from start to finish molding those characters, their personalities, and their story. It's mine. I am entitled to do with those words what I please. None of those characters were anything like the Twilight characters other than their names, but again that is beside the point. **

**I didn't push that I had published that story here because I love you guys and I never want you to feel like I'm trying to exploit you. It's just not my style. And I love writing fanfiction. It would break my heart to feel shunned by the very people who embraced me, so I never brought it up. Not here. For those of you who asked, you can find all the information about my books at oliviaevansauthor dot com. The link is also on my profile now. **

**Okay, that's all I'm going to say about it. If you have questions, please PM me. I swear I don't bite...hard. Unless you're into that kind of thing, then well...ya know. LOL Until next time..**

**xoxo**

**~Liv**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Then**_

I shiver and smile as we drive to First Beach with the windows down. The late winter temperatures have finally given way to spring, but the wind whipping my hair is still too cool for summer time behaviors. I gather my hair and turn to face Alice in the back seat. I laugh when I see her. Jasper's hat sits sideways on her head, nearly falling into her eyes as she sings at the top of her lungs. Edward slides his hand over my thigh and when I look at him he's watching her in the rear view mirror with a smile on his face.

"I'm so glad that our spring breaks are the same time this year."

"You say that now." Edward smirks. The way he looks at me is dirty and devilish. My heart gallops and my skin heats.

I cock my head to the side and give him a sweet smile. The one that makes him picture me in silly things like school uniforms and patent leather Mary Janes. "Are you saying I might feel different later?"

"It's been almost a month since we've been together. I have a lot of unresolved needs."

"Well," I exhale. "As your girlfriend, I feel it's my responsibility to see those needs are thoroughly met."

"It might take repeated attempts. It could affect your ability to walk." He inches his hand higher up my thigh and my body tightens in anticipation. I lean across the seat and press my lips to his cheek.

I move my mouth to his ear and whisper. "If I can't walk, I'll have no choice but to stay in bed and let you take care of me. Again and again."

"Fuck, baby."

I grin and sit back. I love the way we flirt. I love that I can see the lust simmer and ignite in his eyes with a few words. I love that he wants me as much as I want him.

"This is what we have to look forward to in the fall, babe," Alice says to Jasper.

I stick out my tongue and grab the joint stuck behind her ear. "We're no different than we've always been."

"True," Alice concedes. "Except we'll have a lot more unsupervised time together when Edward buys that house."

"I can't wait until my birthday. Mom and Dad are still pissed that Grandpa left me all that money. But once I turn twenty-one there's not a fucking thing they can do about it." Edward has a smug smile on his face. His parents tried to change his age of access to twenty-five when they realized the amount of money in the trust, but in the end there was nothing they could do.

"Too bad Alice and I have to live in the dorms."

"That's just for show and everyone knows it." Jasper laughs and pulls Alice against his side.

"Damn straight it is." Edward threads our fingers and tugs my hand. "I'm not letting you out of my sight once you get to Seattle. Me and you, baby."

My stomach flips and my muscles tighten. "I can't wait to be held captive by you."

"That's my girl." He winks.

I share a knowing smile with Alice. As much as our guys like to pretend they can't wait to be glued to our sides, we know better. And that's okay. We'd kill each other in a matter of weeks if that actually happened.

We pass around the joint as we pull into the parking area at First Beach. There's a big fire already burning and the usual suspects are here. I snuggle close to Edward's side and let out a satisfied sigh. He's the high and low, the good and the bad. He's what life and love are all about. He's not perfect, but neither am I. I'd rather be imperfect with him for a million years then spend one perfect moment without him.

"Jared just texted. He's ten minutes out." Edward and Jasper do that boy fist bump thing before Edward drags me away from the group.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"I just want a little time alone with my girl before everyone gets here." He looks over his shoulder and smiles. It's not the "I'm going to fuck you behind the rocks" kind of smile, but the genuine one. The one that says he misses me and wants to hold me close and breath me in. The one that makes my eyes sting and my chest ache with love.

As soon as we're away from the group, he presses me against cold rock and cradles my jaw. He tips my head and kisses me softly before pushing his hands through my hair and holding me tight.

"I'm so fucking happy we won't have to be apart for months at a time anymore. I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too. I can't believe we only have a couple more months before we can start our lives in Seattle."

"Are you parents going to be pissed when you tell them you're moving up there as soon as school's over?"

I shrug. "Probably." _Yes. _

"Are you going to change your mind?"

I shake my head. "No way. I might make an effort to come back and stay a few weeks this summer if they really pitch a fit, but other than that I'm all yours."

He nods and sways like we're slow dancing. "It's okay if you want to wait a bit to go up there. I can always spend some time here too so they don't feel like I'm stealing you away."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Your dad scares me and your mom is the queen of guilt trips. Something she passed along to you." I giggle and tickle his sides, causing him to jump.

He looks at me with a serious expression I don't see often. "I like your parents. I don't want to be on their bad side. It would make the next fifty years or so pretty miserable."

I smile and roll onto the balls on my feet so my face can be as close to his as possible. I know where this is going, but I want to hear him say it. I love to hear him say it. "Oh yeah? Why's that?"

He rolls his eyes, but like always, he appeases me. "Because I'm going to marry you one day."

Before I can respond his phone vibrates. He looks at the screen and flashes a devious smile. "Jared's here."

"And what sorts of trouble has Jared brought for us to get into?"

He threads our fingers and leads me toward the fire. "The kind that will make it difficult for you to walk very soon."

My heart flutters and excitement races through my veins. "I should call my mom to let her know I'm staying with Alice tonight."

He winks over his shoulder and nods. "You do that, baby."

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**A/N**

**I'll have the next chapter in a few days hopefully. This story is dying to get out of my head, and I could probably write it in one sitting, but life has other plans for me. Thanks for reading! **

**~Liv**

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY STACE &amp; DOMIE!**


	5. Chapter 5

_**Now**_

I shift my weight in the pharmacy line and look over my shoulder toward the car. In the passenger seat, Edward sits with his eyes closed and his head propped against the headrest. Like he can feel my eyes on him, he lifts his head and looks directly at me. To an outside observer, he looks every bit the part of the concerned boyfriend, but they don't know him like I do. They can't see that underneath his concern is a flaming pit of annoyance and animosity. I give him a weak half smile. He doesn't return the gesture. He's angry that I made him leave that house. He's angry that he's not swimming in a haze for memory erasing drugs.

I feel a twinge of guilt for using the very reason we're such a mess to get him out of there. It's not enough to make me confess that my nightmare induced screams hours earlier weren't real though. I'd shaken my empty bottle of Xanax in his face and begged him come with me to the drug store. I know his concession has more to do with not letting me out of his sight than his concern for my well being, but I don't care. It worked and that's all that matters in the end.

The lady behind me clears her throat. I flinch when I meet her disapproving stare. I drop my eyes to the floor and shuffle forward in line. I know how I must look. My clothes are too big, my hair is dirty and unkempt. I look homeless. I look like a junkie. I look exactly as I am. My chest aches and my eyes sting as I think about how different things were this time last year. My moment of nostalgia causes me to pull my phone from my purse and power it up. As expected, it buzzes and buzzes with countless missed calls, texts, and voicemail alerts.

I don't bother listening to the voicemail from my boss. I know I've been fired. I also know there's not a chance in hell of getting a job anywhere else until I get my shit together. No one in their right might would hire me looking the way I do, but I can't leave Edward. I'm afraid if I do the next time I see him will be in a coffin. I'm about to toss my phone in my purse when I text catches my attention. Not what it says, but whom it's from.

**We miss you.**

I can barely breathe. If they knew the truth they wouldn't miss me. They wouldn't care if I dropped dead in the street. But they don't know truth and I promised Edward they never would, even if it kills us both. I shake my head and tighten my grip around the box of sleeping pills. I'm playing a dangerous game, but I don't know what else to do. I've got to get us clean, but as long as Edward has any control over his body, he's going to poison it until there's nothing left to save and I'm going to go down with him.

I move to the front of the line and slide the box of sleeping pills across the counter. "I'm here to pick up a prescription for Isabella Swan."

The pharmacist gives me a once over before turning to retrieve my order. When she returns her mouth twists into a frown. "I'm going to need to see your identification."

I nod and pull it from my purse. The questions she asks are routine, but it doesn't escape my notice that I'm the first one she checks out so thoroughly. Once she's convinced that I am who I say I am she rings up my purchase and I swear she's almost smug when she gives me the total. Without insurance, my prescription is outrageous. What she doesn't realize is that I have what feels like an unlimited of supply of money at my disposal. Not that I enjoy taking Edward's money, but since I'm once again unemployed I don't have much of a choice. I pull a wad of cash from my purse and slide the money across the countertop. Her momentary air of superiority slips to suspicion once more, but she says nothing. I take my change and walk as quickly as I can away from judgmental stares and straight toward an entirely different kind of scrutiny. Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

"What's wrong?" Edward asks as soon as I'm inside the car. I start to tell him nothing, that everything is fine, but I don't. He seems upset, genuinely concerned. I wonder if he noticed the way people stared at me while I was inside the pharmacy.

"I feel sick." I hunch my shoulders and wrap my arms around my middle.

"Is it your stomach? Are you on the rag?"

The hostility in his voice makes my eyes prick."I'm not on my period, but my stomach really hurts. I'm nauseous and dizzy. I feel like I might pass out."

I flinch when I feel him gently push my hair over my shoulder. His touch is soothing as he caresses my cheek with the back of his hand before placing it against my forehead. "You don't feel warm," he whispers. He sounds so soft and sweet, like the man I love. It breaks my heart to know that my Edward is trapped somewhere inside of this drugged out, mean-spirited monster.

He vanishes just as quickly as he appeared.

"You just need a little something to level you back out. Let's go back to the house. You'll be back to normal in no time."

Normal. This is what he considers normal now. For a moment I hesitate. My hands shake and I know he's right. One pill, one line, or one puff and I could be right as rain. I look at the bag between us and remember why I came here in the first place. I can't let him go back to that house.

"Okay. Can we run by our place first? I want to grab a change of clothes."

"Fuck a change of clothes, Bella. Just wear what you have on."

I look at the clothes I'm wearing and nearly cringe. Never in a million years would I have thought I'd go into public looking like I do. I'm disgusting. I'm also not giving up. I look at him and smile. "I have a little something at the house that I've been saving. We can grab it and then head to the house."

He smirks. "Holding out on me, baby?"

"Just saving it for a rainy day."

He slides his hand over my thigh and nods. "We have time to run by the house."

Relief sags my shoulders as I pull out of the parking lot and head in the direction of our house. I walk through the front door and don't allow myself to look around. I can't bear the heartbreak it will bring. Edward falls onto the sofa and closes his eyes. He can't stand the reminders either.

"Hurry up and grab your shit so we can leave."

"Okay. Do you want a beer while you wait?"

"Fuck, yes."

I nearly run into the kitchen and grab two beers from the fridge. Without giving myself a chance to change my mind, I crush up a Xanax and two sleeping pills. Pulling in a deep breath, I down as much of a beer as I can then dump the powder inside. I open the second beer and pour it into the laced beer until it's full again. Nerves cause my hands to shake, but I can't back down. He'll never go to rehab and he'll never agree to clean up on his own. If I have to knock him out until I can make him lucid, then that's what I'm going to do.

I walk into the living room and hand him the beer. "Here you go. I'll be right back." He grabs the beer and takes a long pull before nodding. I don't waste any time scurrying down the hall to the bedroom and shutting myself inside. I pull a Xanax from my pocket and pop it in my mouth. I might want us clean, but I'm not strong enough to go cold turkey. I pace the bedroom until the edges begin to dull and the weight of numbness settles on my shoulders. When my eyes begin to droop, I walk as quietly as possible down the hall into the living room.

Edward has fallen over on his side and the beer can is on the floor. I stagger to his side and fall to my knees in front of the couch. I grab his wrist and press my lips to where his pulse beats low and slow against my skin. He's asleep. And he'll stay that way for as long as I can help it. Suddenly I can barely stay awake. I crawl onto the couch in front of him and pull a blanket around us.

If I can keep from killing us both this might work.

I might actually save us.

* * *

**A/N**

**I hope to have the next chapter in a couple of days. This is my crazy busy time of the the month, so be patient with me. You're going to get some answers the next chapter. See y'all soon!**

**~Liv**


	6. Chapter 6

_**Then**_

I squint against the harsh sunlight and use the program in my hand to fan my heated skin. The cap on my head makes me itch. I sigh as the principal drones on about the future and the opportunities that lie ahead. I scan the crowd and smile when I see Edward and Jasper sitting between our parents. When Alice's name is called, we clap and cheer while she makes her away across the football field. The noise causes the lingering hangover I'm nursing to make my head throb, but it doesn't affect my mood. This is the moment we've waited for. Alice and I are finally done with highschool and one step closer to starting the next phase of our lives.

When my name is called, Edward lets out a whistle so loud it echos off the bleachers on the other side of the field. We throw our caps in the air when it's over. Alice and I cry and hug and laugh as our families surround us. My mom cries and my dad's eyes are glistening. They tell me how proud they are and how much they love me. I hug them and try not to let my anxiousness show. I want Edward. I want to hug him and kiss him and feel his arms around me. Even though we've talked almost every day, I've only seen him a handful of times since spring break. It's been too long and I've missed him so much.

"You did it, baby," he whispers against my ear as he hugs me from behind. I sink into his embrace and let my head fall against his chest.

"One step closer to forever."

"I have something special planned tonight."

I turn in his arms and smile. "Oh, yeah?"

He nods and looks around to make sure no one is listening. "Do you remember the stuff Jared gave us over spring break?"

My stomach flips and my heartbeat starts to race as my mind flashes to that night. The night that I felt higher than the highest cloud. When every touch from Edward set my body on fire. I was weightless and free. I was an instrument only he could play, and he did so with expert precision.

"I remember."

His smile is salacious. The desire I feel is reflected in his eyes. "This is better."

"Can we leave now?" I ask. I don't want to wait. I want his hands on me. I want his naked skin pressed against mine. I want to be consumed by him.

He laughs and strokes my cheek. "Soon. Let's play nice with our families first. Your dad wants to talk to me after dinner. I'm sure it's the 'you better take care of Bella' speech where he threatens my life a couple of times, but I'm going to let him get it out of his system because it's the right thing to do."

I pop up on my toes and kiss his cheek. "You're so good to me," I whisper.

He pulls back and looks down at me. His expression is serious and soft. His green eyes tender and true. "Because you're my girl. I'd do anything for you."

My eyes prick. The excitement of the day and my emotional overload gets the best of me. "I know you would. I love you so much."

"I love you too, baby. Now let's get this dinner over with so we can get high as a kite and fuck each other's brains out."

I giggle and thread our fingers as we make our way to the parking lot. "I couldn't agree more."

**~UWB~**

Dinner passes as expected. Alice sits on one side of me with Edward on the other. We smile and laugh and share secret smile with our eyes. When our parents finally kiss us good night and make us promise to be careful, we are beyond ready to let loose. This is it. We've made it. We're out of school. We're legal adults. We're free to do as we please and there is nothing anyone can do or say to stop us. It's a high all on its own.

We get to the beach around 10:00. A crowd of rowdy teenagers surround a huge fire on the sand. We join the party, passing around beer and liquor lifted from our parents' stash. We reminisce about the fun we had over the years.

It's bittersweet.

When Edward inches his hand up my leg and looks at me in the way that makes my thighs clench, I don't try to downplay my reaction. I've missed him. I want him. And I want the high that I know is waiting for us in his front pocket.

"Take a walk with me?" he asks, pulling me to my feet.

I nod and look over at Alice, who is watching us with a huge smile. She gives me a wink and a thumbs up. I realize she's already on her way to where I want to be. I return her smile and let Edward lead me off into the dark. When we're away from the crowd and the only light we have is the dim glow of the fire, he stops and pulls me behind a large rock to hide us from view.

"I need you," he breathes against my lips as his hands slip under the hem of my shirt.

I moan and raise my hands so he can pull the material over my head. He wastes no time removing my bra and sucking my nipple into his mouth. My pants are around my ankles before I can blink. Fueled by lust, I rip open the buttons of his jeans and wrap my hand around his dick. Frantic and needy, he fucks me against the rocks. My back aches from the bite of the sharp edges of the rock, but nothing in the world could make me ask him to stop.

When it's over, he slips a pill past my lips and kisses me softly. I smile around the bitter taste and hug him close. He pulls up his pants and fixes my clothes. "We should get out of here soon before this kicks in."

"Okay. Let's get Alice and Jasper."

We make our way back to the crowd that had grown since we slipped away. Old friends that Edward hasn't seen in almost two years surround him. One drink turns into two and three to four. The world starts to wave and shimmer. I touch my skin and shiver. The stars are so so pretty and the sound of the ocean is the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. I spin and laugh, and I can't imagine there is any better feeling in the world.

Alice finds me in the sand and falls down beside me. "I love you," she says, reaching over and grabbing my hand.

"I love you too," I say, my smile so big my face hurts.

"This is the beginning of everything."

"Everything," I echo in a daze.

We sit quietly and listen to the sound of the ocean and the laugher of our friends. The cool breeze of the ocean soothes our heated skin. "I'm fucked up," Alice giggles.

"Me too."

"We should get the boys and go. Did you know they got us hotel rooms?"

My eyes widen and I sit up. The world spins spins spins but I'm too caught up in what Alice has said to pay it any mind. "Are you serious?"

"Yup. They've taken care of everything. This night is going to be amazing."

I scramble-stumble to my feet and hold out my hand to Alice. "Let's grab our guys and get out of here before we start making out."

She laughs and accepts my help. "You _were_ starting to look hotter than normal. We need to go have sex with before things get weird."

We find Edward and Jasper surrounded by a group of their friends. They are so fucked up I'm not sure they recognize us at first. I slip my hand into Edward's and try not to sway as I whisper in his ear.

"Are you ready to go?''

He blinks away the haze covering his eyes and smiles. "Fuck yes. Let's go." He takes two steps then falls on the sand, pulling me with him.

"Maybe I should drive," I laugh. I can't drive. I can barely see straight. But as I look at my friends, I can tell they are in worse shape than me. When Edward doesn't argue I know I'm right.

We climb into my dad's car, laughing and having the best time of our lives. This is what it's about. This is how it's supposed to be. We're young, reckless, and fucking invincible. I pull onto the road and Edward messes with the radio.

Alice and Jasper are laughing in the back seat. My heart feels so full and I've never felt so alive. Edward grasps my thigh and watches me as he leans against the headrest. He has the sweetest smile and I just want to forget the world and slip inside him. I want to get lost in the love that I feel for him. The love that he feels for me.

The front of the car jumps and I only see a flash of a deer before we're spinning spinning spinning. Screams fill the car. I can't breathe. Edward's face is frozen with horror and fear. The car bounces and then I can't feel my stomach. My hair is in my face. No, it's covering my face. I'm upside down. My body aches. The sound of shattering glass pierces my ears, a duet to the screeching metal on the asphalt and the screams of my best friends. Warmth rolls down my face and into my eyes as I'm jarred one final time before everything goes black.

I don't know how much time passes. I drift from the sound of moans and the smell of smoke to the blackness of nothing. I feel lighter. Like I'm floating. It's easier here. I want to stay. I don't want to go back to the smoke and sadness. Something pulls at me. I don't want to go, but it's crying, begging.

My eyes flutter. I'm surrounded by flashing red and blue lights. Rain stings my eyes. I want to go back to where I didn't hurt, but I can't. He won't let me. Voices echo. Panicked and angry, they shout and plead. Then I see him. It's only a flash. I'm not sure if it's real or a memory.

"Not her too," he whispers. "Bella, please. God, baby. I can't lose you too. Don't leave me. Don't go. Please. Please. Please."

The word echos over and over again as everything fades to black once more.

* * *

**A/N**

**You guys have some answers now, but you still have no idea what's going to transpire. There's a lot of story to tell, a lot of secrets to uncover. I hope you'll stick with me. I posted the link to the playlist in my FB group if anyone wants to check it out. I listened to Last Kiss by Pearl Jam on repeat writing this chapter. There are a lof of revelant songs on that playlist. You should check it out.**

**Thanks to Jill and Abney for giving this a read through. I love those hoors. I love you guys too. Until next time,**

**~Liv**


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Twilight, Angst, Romance