One Piece One shot: Humming hypocrite

'Oi, Luffy!' Sanji squinted his eyes together as he let them adjust to the low afternoon sun when he had entered the deck of the Sunny-go. 'How's the fishing going?'

Luffy turned around and as soon as he faced his cook, a wide smile appeared on his face.

'Sorry,' he said, clearly not sorry at all. 'I caught a fish a little while ago, but Usopp ate it.'

'You liar!' Usopp screamed. 'You are the one who ate the few fish we caught!'

He turned towards Sanji.

'We've been out here since this morning. Can we please stop; I can't take this any longer!'

Luffy's smile disappeared and he too started to complain.

'Yeah, can't you just cook with leftovers? I'm really hungry!'

Sanji's fist first landed on Usopp and shortly after that, Luffy got a taste of the cook's annoyance too.

'There aren't any leftovers,' he said while grinding his teeth. 'You ate absolutely everything!'

Upon those words, Luffy received a second punt to the face and as Sanji turned around to go back inside, he lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply, trying to calm himself down.

'Just make sure you catch some for later. Ask Franky, Brook and Chopper to help you out.'

'I'm sowwy,' Luffy said as his lip started to swell up.

'Yeah, yeah,' Sanji replied while waving his hand. 'Whatever you say Captain, I'm going to freshen up.'

* * *

With his hands in his pockets Sanji strolled towards the Sunny-go's bathroom. Though he loved and respected his Captain greatly, moments like these made him want to choke Luffy.

As the cook got closer to the bathroom door, his annoyance built up even further, for he could hear the water running. Agitated, he took another drag of his cigarette and slowly approached the door.

'Damn that Marimo-head,' he hissed. 'How long does he plan to occupy that room? Just when I'm in the mood for a nice shower.'

He was ready to slam on the door to tell Zoro he only had one minute to get dressed and leave the bathroom, so that he could make himself useful and help the others fishing, but then he heard something from the other side of the door he wouldn't have dared dream of.

**~One week earlier~**

'It was fantastic!' Zoro laughed as he emptied his seventh bottle of sake. 'His singing sounds ridiculous!'

Everyone at least giggled at the thought of the blonde singing while preparing dinner, but none of the Straw Hats laughed as hard as their swordsman.

'Really, you should have been there,' Zoro continued. 'He was all like: _"Hmm… Vanilla girl, give me your recommendation. Cooking is marriage."_ It was awful! Come on, a real man doesn't sing, especially corny love songs like that one. He probably made up the lyrics himself!'

As the entire crew continued to laugh at their cook's expense, said cook had rushed inside, swearing to get his crew-mate back for this mockery.

**~Back to the present~**

'This is unbelievable,' Sanji hissed quietly. 'That shitty Marimo-head is such a hypocrite.'

What the cook could hear on the other side of the door was not only the running water, but also a low voice –that could only belong to one- singing.

_'Flowers in the moonlight_

_Drops of dew_

_For whose sake does sadness devastates us.'_

As he pressed his ear against the door, still a bit unsure whether what he heard was real, he put his hand in front of his mouth to prevent himself from making any noise. It was hard not to laugh, though, for the idea of the swordsman singing while under the shower was more than he could bear.

'Flowers in the moonlight,' he chuckled. 'And he dares to laugh at my romantic lyrics?'

Suddenly, a grin appeared on his face.

'This will not go unpunished.'

* * *

The first emotion Sanji felt, when he was back on the deck, was surprise. Before his eyes, all of the male Straw Hats –except for Zoro of course- were neatly sitting in a row, loudly complaining about the small amount of fish they had caught so far. It wasn't something the cook had expected. Maybe his captain was more reliable than he sometimes thought.

'Are you seriously fishing?' He asked a bit skeptical.

Franky turned around with a sad face and sighed deeply. 'We've only caught a few small ones,' he said. 'The super big ones just won't bite.'

'He's right,' Chopper added. 'Sanji, this is boring, I want to quit. Where is all the fish Usopp caught this morning?'

'You can thank your captain for that.' Sanji sighed and turned towards Usopp. 'By the way, Usopp, can I borrow your tone-dial for a little while?'

The sniper looked at him with suspicion, but eventually reached in his pocket and handed Sanji the shell-like object.

'What are you going to do with it?' he asked.

'Oh, nothing,' Sanji replied calmly. 'Just something I have to record.'

'Don't cause any trouble, Sanji-kun!' Nami ordered as she lifted her sunglasses from her seat on the other side of the deck. Delighted that his dear spoke to him, Sanji answered with a smitten voice.

'Of course not, Nami-swan!'

* * *

'Now, Marimo head, let's see how you like to be the laughingstock of the crew.'

Sanji quickly walked towards the bathroom for the second time today and prayed that Zoro would still be singing that dreadful song. As soon as he put his ear against the door again, the cunning cook pressed the 'record-button' of the tone-dial.

'Wait a second,' he whispered. 'What happened to the sound of the water?'

Before the blonde had a chance to stand straight and remove his weight from the door, it opened and he fell against something warm and a bit damp.

'You shitty bastard!' Sanji yelled, trying to make up an excuse for standing so close by the door. 'Y-you took way too long!'

'Hm?' Zoro lifted an eyebrow as he pushed the cook away from his chest. 'Do you have a problem, Love Cook?'

'I sure do, Marimo-head, I just heard you sing! You're an incredible hypocrite! I thought you said "real men don't sing".'

'I don't know what you're talking about, you idiot,' Zoro hissed as he walked past his crew-mate.

Sanji planted his foot harshly in the wall and created a barricade across the whole hall with his leg, preventing the swordsman from advancing any further.

'You're not leaving,' he said. 'Not until you admit what a hypocritical bastard you are!'

When he looked in Zoro's eyes, there was a slight moment in which fear was flowing through his body, but it was soon retaken by the anger he had felt a week ago. Zoro on the other hand didn't flinch when he took out one of his katana.

'Well then, let me cut this off for you, it's in the way.'

As Sanji quickly retreated from his current position, the katana just missed his leg and clashed with the floor.

'Shitty swordsman.' The cook lit another cigarette and put one hand in his pocket. 'Remember that I will get you next time.'

As soon as Zoro had heard those words, a wide smirk appeared on his face. He called out to the crew-mate who was wandering around and pointed towards the cook.

'Oi, Nami! The Love Cook was trying to take a peek at you in the shower, but saw me instead! Isn't that hilarious?'

Sanji tried to utter all the reasons why he couldn't have planned that. After all, he had just spoken to Nami when she was sunbathing on deck. Even so, the poor cook had already received a serious beating before he could finish his sentences.

'You pervert!' Nami yelled. 'How many times do I have to tell you that you have to pay 100.000 beli before you can take a look?'

'But Nami-san, I-'

'But nothing! And what are you doing with that tone-dial? Give it here, that thing is not for playing around with, I'll take it back to Usopp.'

She snatched the dial out of his hands and stormed off.

'Geez, these guys are nothing but trouble.'

When she was out of sight, Zoro's grin grew to the size of a legit smile. Sanji bowed his head in shame and refused to look at the crewmate whom had just humiliated him again.

'I swear to God,' he hissed, still staring at the ground. 'I'll-'

'Yeah, yeah, swear all you want. I don't believe in God anyway.'

The swordsman turned around and started to stroll away, waving his hand.

'Later, Love Cook, I'm going to take a nap.'

Sanji listened to Zoro's humming and found that his left eye started to twitch with annoyance. Just before the swordsman was out of sight, his crew-mate could hear him utter one more line with that terrible singing voice of his.

_'Flowers in the moonlight.'_

~The End


End file.

One Piece, Humor