Fire Emblem 1. Prologue

Jack of All Traits

Prologue

We have heard of the dragons right? Naga and Grima, they are gods right? Well what if I told you there was one more god, lemme tell ya he is a fuqin godamn trickster, he will mess up destiny for fun. He does it in strange ways too, like making bananas sentient and take over the world, that alternate world was screwed as soon as the first banana stood up...

Anyway, we now go over to this god, you would expect some sorta majestic trickster name right? No, his name is Bill. One day Bill was bored, so he decided to mess up the timeline, for good or bad? Nah he wanted to induce chaos. He created a being, gave this being a mind so conflicted that it will literally change its gender sometimes, it all depends on who it touched. Then he gave this being weapons from worlds unknown to mere mortals, a tome that created a deadly water wheel strong enough to tear apart flesh from fish, I am talking like the king fish though, a really strong fish, he gave it a sword made out of orange crystal, if he were to hit an opponent with the blade it would call and ancient spirit's head, that was on fire, this head would take the shape of a pumpkin, it would then seek out the closest opponent and BURN THEM. The final item was a small piece of amber with an insect inside, this item would summon an ancient creature to aid him in battle, not to mention it IS ADORABLE... He then gave this being an insane bloodlust for evil (as in he would really want to kill evil, not he was evil... maybe just a lil' bit though.) and the ability bend time and space, this being could literally snap his finger and bring something from another world straight to him, as long as Bill accepted it. Just before he placed his new piece on the chessboard of the gods, he gave it a name and threw more otherworldly weapons for his new being to find.

What is the name of this new being?

Jack, Jack Trait.


	2. Chapter 1: Really Feeling Alive

Jack of All Traits

Chapter One: Really Feeling Life

Jack was alive.

He didn't know what was going on for one thing, one moment he was not there then he was, he knew things but didn't at the same time, could he talk?

"DUCKS!"

Congratulations Jack your first word was Ducks. I guess that proves you can talk and you can hear too, now open your eyes.

Well for one thing you're looking at the floor, why? Because you spawned laying on your front, kinda weird. But congratulations anyway, you can see, and the smell of fire and dead corpses proves that you can smell too.

Wait.

Fire and dead?

There's fighting happening around here, get up, you are missing out right now. Good you're up and since you shouted ducks the enemy is coming, how do you know this is the enemy? Because he is in red. Why is he red? What is red? I don't know I am your inner godamn thought process kinda like kreig from Borderlands 2 but more in control because I am still y- WHO EVEN IS KREIG?

*Swing*

Well great dodge there, we have some training! Now get the book off your belt.

*Woosh*

Great you got the book and dodged the axe at the same time, now open the book.

"What you got there? Am I not good enough for you?"

"Terrible taunt bad friend, leave here."

*splat*

He just exploded from that spell, Haha! I love it! Now there's more coming, wait the spell got those guys too. And it also put out the fires too. Great job Jack now find someone with blue hair and a person with a black and purple cloak and a mark on their hand, Why? I dunno it's written inside your head here. I think they were meant to be here to save this town, why do we even know that, ahh time and space control you say? That is fancy... Oh sorry I was just looking through our ability file; go over to that bridge over there. They should be here at the bridge eventually.

**Pov Change, Chrom.**

It was an eventful day, finding a young woman in a field, going to save a village that was getting attacked by some bandits, we found out by someone running away from it so with our temporary follower Robin (who apparently knew how to fight) we ran in expecting a medium sized group of bandits, we did but not in a way we were expecting.

We found them soaking wet and/or in little tiny bloody pieces. On the bridge was a man with purple hair holding a book he was flipping through, a large sword on his back and a large gem around his neck, he also wore a void black cloak (by void black I mean this black is WOAH MY FUQIN EYES I CAN'T SEE kinda black). By the calm look he had it seemed that he killed all of the bandits and put out the fires.

Today was an eventful day.

**Pov Change, Jack**

Ah here is blue hair coming now, along with a woman in a purple and black cloak. Yep these are who we were looking for, close the book you can't even read, yet.

"Did you do this?" asked Mr 'I got ducking blue hair isn't it dandy.'

"Yes now I request to join shepherds."

Look at how cute he is with his confused look and his accepting of my request OH GOD WHO IS THAT HANSOME GENTLEMEN RIGHT THERE RIDING THE HORSE TOUCH HIM TOUCH HIM TOUCH HI- oh wait hes talking

"Milord do you think this a good idea?"

"Well the town is safe thanks to him, who would I be to deny someone like him?"

I am starting to like you "Blue".

*Somewhere else*

Gaius sneezed, spraying sherbet everywhere and making such a racket he was caught stealing from the candy store.

*Back with Jack on the road to victor... the main city*

Seriously? Bear? Could they not find anything yknow, normal? Or is this a sign. LIKE UNDEAD RISING OH GODS WHY IS THIS FILE EVEN IN OUR HEAD BUT THANK GODS IT IS, WE GOT A PROBLEM THAT WILL HAPPEN SOON! I KNOW I AM JUST INNER THOUGHT BUT LET ME TAKE CONTROL RIGHT NO- okay mind friend you control now and warn friends about undead time creatures!

***Class change***

**Name: Inner Helper Jack.**

**Look difference: half moon spectacles. A FUQIN WOMAN (Surprise! Unexpected but I mean come on, that random outburst when seeing Fredrick...)**

**Bonus Skill: High Intelligence, attracted to Fredrick, can go through the file cabinets of the mind.**

**Extra notes: Only comes out when needed to give info, has a desk job in Jack's head, when swapped most recent Jack mind will take the desk job until Inner Mind Jack is done giving GREAT INFO LIKE RIGHT NOW. Note inside the note: IH Jack isn't really meant for the outside world, will probably get knocked out due to being out.**

***Class change end thingamagig***

"DON'T GO OUT UNPREPARED, STICK TOGETHER IF YOU WANT TO SURVIVE THIS NIGHT, THE MASKED SAVIOUR IS AN ALLY, FREDRICK YOU SO DAMN ATTRACTIVE." screamed mind friend who was outside, are we really that loud?

*collapse*

Oh dear friend you don't like the outside do you? Why is there a desk here? OH A CHAIR!

_For the love of gods... I am stuck with an idiot until he wakes up. I can at least teach him proper speech, he sounds like a small child._

**ITS ALL OVER NOW, did you enjoy this first chapter? If you don't like it good for you, your opinion is yours and I approve that you spoke out what you thought, GRAB LIFE BY THE SHULK AND REALLY FEEL IT!**


	3. Chapter 2: When the Insanity Falls

Jack of All Traits

Chhaaaappptter Two: When the Insanity Falls... Asleep

**Pov Change, NARRATOR**

**Jack was asleep.**

**Why is he asleep? Well that's what happens when IHJ (Inner Helper Jack) comes out, it is the only mind not really allowed out, why?**

**Because Bill is a B****.**

**Pov Change, Chrom**

*Thump*

Jack just fainted! Is he ok? Fredrick just checked... nope he is ok (I'm just going to sit here typing words my brother doesn't notice are unrelated to this story at all, perfect plan... EHHHH)

"Uhh Milord? Jack seems to be a woman."(Super Important Note! Jack's Default might retain certain effects like gender, looks and objects until next change! Jack is now female until my ducked up mind decides for Jack to touch someone, and by touch I mean on skin, clothes don't count.)

Oh that's fine it wasn't like that before but I am glad he's alright wait, "WHAT!"

"You heard me correctly, if he was a man before he is a woman now."

"Anything else I should know?"

"She looks rather nice." What?

"Thanks for the info Fredrick."

"Just doing my job, Milord."

**Special location change, Bill's domain**

"_All part of the hilarious not plan, great job jack"_

**Special location return, Jack's rank with Fredrick is now C, even if Jack doesn't know about that.**

So Jack is a woman now huh? Intresting, when... uhhh she wakes up I will have to ask... her about that, for now I am going to go for a walk. Who knows maybe I will find whoever Jack was talking about before she fainted.

**Club can't even handle the amount of random location changes right now.**

Luc... I mean Marth sneezed, causing one of the attacking risen to cut off a large portion of her hair.

**You know what screw this I am leaving you can take your location and point of view changes to someone else I quit. *door slam* **_**Hmmm well I guess we were using that guy too much... Don't worry he will be coming back, Jack is waking up which means his/her point of view again, also since the IHJ incident he has been taught enough to speak normally, not to mention can reply to IHJ in ITALICS, SO NOW YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS "WRITER" FROM ALL THE OTHER FAB STORIES THATAREACTUALLYTERRIBLE, OUT!**_

And that is how you stop talking like a five year old, oh yeah and you're a woman now.

_Thanks for the help IH, now that I think about it I sounded really stupid earlier, also I would have expected that side effect because I might have read through your files._

YOU READ MY FILES? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT THEY ARE MINE but its fine because it's our head.

_Might I add the way your moods changed mid sentence is kinda scary?_

It will probably get worse the more people we touch, now get up, undead creatures are coming soon.

_Oh that's nice._

Why?

*Shiiing*

Oh. Ok. Now what are you doing.

*WOOSH*

HOW ARE WE GOING THIS FAST.

_I DON'T KNOW!_

HEY I HAVE AN AWESOME IDEA!

_WHAT IS IT?_

YKNOW I TALKED ABOUT THEM APPEARING THROUGH A PORTAL AND THAT OTHER GOD IS THE CAUSE?

_YES?_

WANNA JUMP THROUGH THAT PORTAL, TOUCH THE GOD AND GET AWESOME POWERS?

_YOU MEAN LIKE BECOMING A DRAGON OR SOMETHING?_

YES LIKE THAT!

_WELL LETS DUCKING GO THEN, IS THE PORTAL STILL THERE?_

YES THE PORTAL IS THERE WHY ARE WE STILL SHOUTING ITS NOT LIKE THE WIND IS STOPPING OUR VOICES WE ARE TALKING INSIDE OUR HEAD!

_I DON'T KNOW BUT IS THAT THING IN THE SKY THE PORTAL._

Yes.

_Good._

**And as Jack, wielding the orange crystal sword jumped, she performed a magnificent frontflip while shouting**

"DRAGOOONNNSSSSS"

**There was also one risen who still magically had complete sentience, sadly it went through a really high portal, and fell but since it was risen it was ok. But strangely it also said,**

"Not again."

**Strangely this caused a falling pot of petunias that was next to a whale to sneeze while falling to its demise. Why did you get me to say that? I want a raise. And a birthday cake, WITH BUTTER ICING! Alright fine...**

**...In a destroyed world... Jack's Pov**

Well isn't this place dreary there's fire everywhere but I see Grima lets go touch him.

_Yes. Lets._

_**In another world entirely, in between reality and fiction**_

**WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HIRED ME FULL TIME? I AM STUCK HERE? YOU WANT ME TO NARRATE ALL JACK IS DOING SO THEY KNOW WHAT HE ACTUALLY IS DOING? WHOS DOING THE POV SWITCHES THEN?**

_**Me.**_

**That's cute. Wait why are you on fire! Don't COME NEAR ME FINE I'LL DO IT!**

_**Good.**_

**Crazy little embodiment of victory wearing a hat...**

'_**Scuse me? You wanna go? I can grant you power if you wanna fight...**_

**No! No! I said nothing let's just get on with this story!**

_**Back with Jack**_

"HELLO HUGE DRAGON FELLA!" **Jack Screamed.**

"WHO ARE YOU CREATURE? YOU SHOULD NOT EXCIST, YOU SMELL OF LONG FORGOTTEN GOD." **Said Grima.**

"ENOUGH TALK LEMME BOOP YOU" **Said Jack as she touched Grima, which I don't understand how it would work because Grima is like a dragon the size of a ci-**

_***Class Change***_

_**Name: Grim Jack.**_

_**Look difference: Manakete ears, still a woman, why? Meh Robin is a woman in this world, and thus if she is the embodiment of Grima wouldn't that mean Grima is a woman? Surprise...**_

_**Bonus Skill: Has dragon form that she can activate at will, ability to bring risen back on her side, dragon form can change size**_

_**Note: Grim Jack isn't evil, it just sounds badass.**_

_***Class change end thing whyisthisstillgoingsto-***_

Congrats we unlocked semi-ultimate power I am proud of us

_All in a day's work, even if we just went through time so doesn't that count at like sixteen years?_

"CREATURE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!"

"SHUT UP AND GIVE ME A SHARD OF YOUR SPIKES"

*crack* **And so Grima lost a piece of its spikes, which Jack pocketed for later transformations which Grima didn't even feel.**

*finger snap*

"BYE GRIMA THANKS FOR THE DRAGON POWERS I'LL SEE YOU IN A COUPLE YEARS!"

*a sound going through a portal would make I have no idea what this would sound like (if you are reading this out loud imagine what it would be like if this was the sound you made)*

**So Jack went through the portal with her new Grima powers just in time for the end of the fight between the first risen seen by the shepherds.**

Great so we got dragon skills now and a shard of grima, I thought of something else to do with that other than changing forms but that's for later.

_Alright but where did we appear?_

It seems to be... RIGHT ABOVE BLUE DAUGHTER AFTER SHE LEFT

"WELL DAMNIT I REALLY DIDN'T WANNA HIT THE FLOOR PAINFULLY AGAIN TOD-"

**Its all over now, I challenge my fate as having nice feelings by telling you to review, did I mess up? WAS THIS COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED? It was for me I just planned for Jack to run past all the risen and chop them in half. But no touching Grima was a better idea. XD**


End file.

Fire Emblem, Adventure, Humor