Harry Potter 1. Escaping the Family

A/N: Lookie! It's a completely new fic! I know I should be updating some of my other fics, but I have a short attention span and I liked this better. : I hope you all like this; I've been planning and writing it for AGES! I've even written bits of other chapters THAT I HAVEN'T EVEN PLANNED YET! And I've PLANNED A SEQUEL! Am I an over-achiever or what? I kind of nicked the name from the big giggage that tours around Britain and some other parts of the world. I'm not sure whether the title holds any relevance yet. Anywho, shall we get on with the show?

Disclaimer: I do not own the Hogwarts' Express, Platform 9 and 3/4, Bill Weasley or the Hogwarts Houses.

Claimer: I do however own the OC's though; Alanis, Gladys (yes, I do mean to type Gladdy sometimes as well; it's a nickname), Jacquie, Lennie, Bennie, Isis, Louise, Keira, Cornelia, Michelle and Mindy. So suck on that. :P

Dedication: Basically, I'm dedicating this whole fic to all of my mates, who are my inspiration. I only hope they don't get too mad when their personal problems and embarrassing moments are broadcast throughout my fic. I would also like to remind them, if they kill me now, I won't be able to remedy everything that happens.

This particular chapter is for Happy Hippy, as it's her BIRTHDAY! Yippee! Happy Birthday, Small-Crazy-Hippy-Lady!

Give It A Name

Escaping the Family (Yippee!)

"'Lani! 'Lani! 'Lani! 'LANI!"

A tiny hand brutally brushed the hair from my eyes so I came face-to-face with Bennie, my two-year old sister.

"Go away or I'll eat you." She giggled, brown eyes dancing in delight. The wind was knocked out of me by a heavy lump on my back.

"Mummy said you have to get up NOW!" The lump shouted. I buried my head into my pillow groaning, whilst light footsteps made their way into my room.

"Lennie, why are you sitting on Alanis?" A saviour!

"Gladdy, remove the devil's spawn, please."

"But mummy said we have to get her up!" My darling little brother argued.

"Keep listening to mum and you won't make it to your sixth birthday!" I snarled. Gladdy sighed.

"They're probably doing you a favour, you know. I just passed mum in the kitchen," she leaned in to whisper in my ear, "She was wetting a _sponge._" I propelled myself out of my bed, sending my siblings flying to the floor. "Ow." Complained Bennie.

"Oh shush. That's laminates _soft_."

Twenty minutes later I traipsed down the stairs whilst scraping the top half of my blonde hair into a bun. "Mum, have you seen my chopsticks anywhere?" My mother looked up from the pot of tea she was pouring to survey my outfit; a red fitted shirt, blue denim jeans and red converse. When she decided it was suitable she answered; "On the telly."

Smiling, mum questioned; "So you finally woke up then?"

"Yes. Thank you ever so much for sending Satan's Little Helpers to give me a wake up call," I slipped the chopsticks through my bun, "It was _most_ appreciated."

Passing a mug of tea over, she sighed. "Your dad had to rush off and sort out a break-in at the shop, so he won't be able to see you off. Neither will nana, she has to pick up the jackpot from the bingo."

How lovely. My nan was abandoning me for approximately £10.40.

"That's alright." I drained my tea, immediately swearing as it burned my throat.

"Language." Mum scolded, making my mug fly out of my hand and wash itself at the sink. "Have you got everything?"

"Yes."

"Money?"

"Yes."

"Robes?"

"Yes."

"Books?"

"Yes."

"Wand?"

"Yes."

"Broom?"

"Yes mum. I have _everything._ It's ok."

"Good. Now go and collect Lennie and your sisters; it's time to leave." I took a few steps up the steps, then paused to stare at my mother. "What?"

"I was just wondering," I shuffled my feet apprehensively, "You wouldn't have seen my wand anywhere, would you?"

* * *

"Alanis darling, you must remember to write every week."

_She tells me that every year._

"You tell me that every year."

"Yes, but you do forget." _Ugh! No I don't! Honestly. Well, there was…_

"Once! I forgot once in second year! Will you ever let me live it down?" She stared at me like I'd grown several more heads.

"No." she said obviously. Ugh! My mum acted like such a teenager sometimes. I considered sending her to her room and shouting; "Don't you take that tone with me, young lady!" I considered it, but didn't have time to see it through. "If you remember, _I_ was the one who had to deal with your father. Do you even _know_ how many panic attacks he had? Five! _Five_ panic attacks in _one_ day! If Gladys hadn't been there I don't know…"

I blocked my mother's voice out of my mind as she ranted on how my little sister, who wasn't really that little at all as she was nearly fourteen, was an 'Angel from Above' when my dad had a panic attack. Though I shouldn't have been so nonchalant; I was always at Hogwarts and had only witnessed my father have a panic attack once. Whereas my sister was always at home; she was a squib.

The train whistle stopped my mother from ranting and woke my two youngest siblings from their bored stupor on a nearby bench.

My mother pulled me into tight hug, making it hard for my limbs to function. I realised I was allergic to the lavender spray she was wearing and came up with a plan of action; I'd ask her to release me, and if that didn't work, I'd pinch her.

"Mum, you can let go now." Aaaaaaaaaaah. I breathed in the fresh, unpollenated air.

Feeling a tug on my jeans, I looked down to see a watery-eyed Bennie. "'Lani saying bye bye?"

"Afraid so, honey." I said picking up my sister and rocking her to and fro. "C'mere chuck." I called to my brother. He smiled and roughly attached himself to my leg.

They might have been annoying brats sometimes but they were still my little brother and sister. And their cheeks were so _pokeable._

Setting them down I turned to Gladys. She grinned and pulled me into a sisterly hug. She was almost as tall me now and was catching the eye of several male passers-by. "Have a good year, don't forget us and remember you're coming home for Christmas."

"Isn't it mum's job to remind me of all that stuff?" Gladdy laughed.

"Yeah but she's so hopeless and forgetful I thought I'd do it myself."

"I heard that." Mum called. A second whistle went off and I went on board the train.

I hung my head out of a window as the train started to move. Mum waved as Gladdy, Lennie and Bennie moved along the platform with the train.

"Don't miss me too much," I shouted, "I'll be expecting packages of sweets fortnightly, plus pocket money." By this time the train was parting from the platform. "And Gladdy, KEEP OUT OF TROUBLE!"

"SHOULDN'T I BE SAYING THAT TO YOU?" she roared over the sounds of the engine.

I laughed and kept waving until my family were no longer visible, then went to sit down in my compartment.

* * *

My friends and I had always been in the same compartment every year, even in first year. It was where we had all met, and we intended to claim it as our own.

I sat down in our compartment, having dumped my trunk in it before, and began to read my favourite book; Pride and Prejudice. I didn't have much time to immerse myself in the story as three girls fell into compartment and collapsed face-down onto the floor. I couldn't tell who was who at first but I did know something; they were three of my four best friends. Their muffled voices sounded like a bunch of cats tied in a sack being whacked against a brick wall. Cruel, but true.

They lifted their heads simultaneously and released the sheer horror that was them cackling like witches! (Which they are, but shush!)

Isis, Louise and Cornelia were looking at me and laughing, or laughing at me, I didn't know which. I had to ask.

"What's so funny?" The responses I got were worrying; giggles.

"W-We're sorry 'Lanis," Cornelia said, pausing to give her time to laugh, "Something _amazing_ has happened." She continued to stare at me but didn't_ actually_ say anything else. I didn't think Cornelia grasped the concept of revealing a secret. Like telling it, for example.

She finally carried on telling me when I made an impatient hand gesture. "Well, we just saw Mindy Crawford with a beanie on her head." Cornelia's lip curled at the mention of Mindy's obviously_ tragic_ choice of hat wear.

Isis carried on the conversation since Cornelia spent too much time pondering what the hell could have possessed Mindy to put an object on that was _so_ last season. "Michelle, you know, the sixth year Ravenclaw? Anyway, she told us that Mindy used that new product, 'Lockhart's Luscious Lock-Dye'," (had Isis joined an advertising campaign?) "…two days ago, to be ready for the school year. _Unfortunately, _our dear precious Mindy used _a bit too much _of 'Blonde Bombshell'." Isis paused for a dramatic effect; you could tell this one incident had made her year, "Instead it went BRIGHT GREEN!"

Ok, so I had to join in with their shrieking laughter then didn't I? I despise the girl.

Being a Hufflepuff or not, laughing at your enemy's misfortune is a necessity.

Louise recovered first. "The only thing she can do now is to let it fade."

"How long will that take?"

I'm pretty sure her eyes glittered. "Three weeks!" After letting the laughter flow, we put all the luggage in the rack and settled down on either side of the compartment.

My best friend, Isis sat down next to me, hugging me lightly whilst juggling her cat, Jodie. "Hi!"

"Hiya." I looked over to Cornelia to check that she was occupied talking to Louise. I lowered my voice. "Any visions lately?"

Isis shook her head. "None. Squat. Nada. Kaput. Diddl-"

"Okay, I get the idea." I leaned back. "Did you tell Dumbledore about the last two?"

"Of course. I sent him a letter as soon as I'd sent Pipsqueak to reply to you." Ah, my little Pipsqueak, the most adorable owl in the world. He'd already flew ahead to Hogwarts. Isis whispered almost inaudibly; "He came to _visit me._"

My eyes widened. "Seriously? The _headmaster_ came to visit you? Those dreams must have been more relevant than we thought."

"Yeah, but I don't see how though. They were so similar. Just a campsite."

"A campsite you envisioned got completely _destroyed._" I replied.

If you hadn't already guessed, Isis was just a bit weird; a Seer, plus she thought Trelawney was a human prodigy. The summer before we started our fifth year, Isis started having dreams, random dreams that were somehow connected to each other, trying to warn her and everyone else of what was to come. We paid attention to them, but not enough.

Isis gripped her brown hair in frustration. "I can't even tell my parents about them. I mean, they're muggles. They'd freak and wouldn't let me go back to school." I knew exactly what she meant. Even though Isis' Egyptian archaeologist parents are further over the line 'odd' than most people, I don't think they'd fancy the idea of some kind of voodoo, future-seeing gift bestowed on their eldest daughter.

We were drawn out of our worry by Louise asking the one question we _never_ let her live down. "Where's Keira?" she asked, flipping her blonde locks over her shoulder.

"Prefect's meeting." Cornelia stated simply, prying my book from my fingers and inspecting the front cover.

Poor Louise looked like a dear caught in headlights – a look rarely used by herself. "Keira's a Prefect? WHY did no one tell me?" I can still see the looks of amazement fixed upon our faces. It was NOT like Louise to be a ditz.

"Keira told us all."

No reaction.

Isis attempted to revive Louise's memory. "On that day when Keira invited us all to her house because she had some really big news. Then it turned out she was a Prefect and we had a sleepover and talked about it _all weekend._"

Confuzzled Louise Bingley (I decided it was fate that she had the surname of my favourite character) tilted her head trying to recollect the day. It was a couple of seconds before she let out a soft "Oh."

Before we could take the mick out of her (Dammit!) the compartment door swung open to reveal the Quidditch legend that is; Keira Johnson.

We cheered and applauded as she made her way to sit between Louise and Cornelia. Surrounding we threw questions left, right and centre and all she could do was beam her heart out and mess with her zillions of braids.

"Who else is Prefect?"

"How big is the Prefects' compartment?"

"Were there any complimentary snacks?" What? I was curious.

Keira answered all our questions, still smiling (I had the urge to grab a pair of pliers and remove the hanger from her mouth). And then Cornelia burst, asking the question all of us were dying to know.

"Who's Head Boy?" We stared wide-eyed at Keira, waiting with bated breath. Her smile changed into a smirk.

"None of the people we thought."

"Really?" asked Isis unbelievably. Her face suddenly became clouded. "It's not a Slytherin is it?"

"HELL NO!"

"Then who is it?"

"Not telling." And would you believe it, the evil cow had the nerve to lean back and smirk in _triumph._

"Tell me who's Head Boy," I threatened, "Or I'll give you a hug."

Ha! That made the little cuddle-phobic shake in her boots.

"OKAY! I'LL TELL YOU!" She sighed. "Bill Weasley."

"B-B-B-Bill Weasley?" Cornelia squeaked.

"Hotness extraordinaire?" Louise asked.

"Oh Merlin!"

"Frikkin' hell!"

"I think-I'm having a heart attack!"

Cornelia slid down her seat gradually. "This is going to be the BEST YEAR EVER!"

* * *

The rest of the train ride was uneventful and apart from when I went to stroke the Threstrals, nothing really happened at the carriages. It was when the feast ended that we realised that Cornelia was going to be totally wrong.

Isis, Louise and I parted at the stairs, we going down the Hufflepuff dorms, and Keira and Cornelia up to the Gryffindor dorms.

"See you tomorrow!" We called to each other and made our way down the steps. Only we didn't make our _own_ way down, we made _Mindy's_ way down; by being shoved by her and her erm…I don't know whether they can be called friends or 'collection of retarded robots'.

We should have been somewhat scared of them, but as soon as we saw the beanie we collapsed laughing.

"Oh, so you think it's _funny_, do you?" The menacing seventh year asked.

"Hilarious."

"Bloody comical."

"Of course not, I was laughing in _sympathy _for you." Louise answered sarcastically.

"Don't you give me cheek!" she ordered, "You're just a bunch of smart arses."

"Oh _Mindy,_" Isis said, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I'm so glad you finally realise our superior intelligence."

"Get off me!" Mindy screeched, slapping Isis' arm away, "I don't want your filthy mudblood hand anywhere near me!" Mindy's, shall we say, companions snorted and grunted there approval. I found it hard to believe that they were all female.

"Wow, you've really outdone yourself this time, Mindy mate," I said "We would never have guessed you were going to use such an _original _quip. I'm guessing you were too busy in the holiday to come up with any new material."

Her nostrils flared. "This is not over." Walking towards the dungeons with her thugs, each of us let out a breath we didn't know we'd been holding in.

"D'you think she's serious?" Isis asked several minutes later in our dorm.

"It's her final year isn't it?" I slumped down onto my four-poster bed. "I think she's deadly serious."

* * *

A/N: What do you think of that then? Reviews are rewarded with virtual food of your choice! Plus, when reviews appear, so do chapters! (Yes, I've already written the next one!)

Happy Birthday, HappyHippy!

MavisClone x x


	2. Thunder Stealing Redhead

A/N: HI! OMGZ! I'm actually updating one of my stories! Yes, I can hear you all crying, "WHAT? She actually BOTHERED to do a second chapter?" Well yes, I diddly-did! I had an amazing imagination spurt! It was so much fun writing this chapter, and the first chapter.

Thank you to BecciBoo, Aeoris and Happy-Hippy for the reviews and thank you to SeaJay313 for putting me on his/her alerts! I love you all; have some virtual chocolate (diabetic chocolate for BecciBoo!).

Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to my parents as it was their wedding anniversary yesterday! (If you want a chapter dedication then bloody well review!)

Shall we get on with the chapter now? I'm sure I'll ramble on again at the end it!

Toodles!

MavisClone x x

Disclaimer: Harry Potter universe is not mine, it's JK's. The OC's are mine though. Comprendé?

Chapter Two

Thunder Stealing Redhead

As I stepped into the Great Hall I felt pride spread throughout my body from looking at the familiar scene of the crowded House table, the hanging banner and the other Hufflepuff students buzzing about in their bumblebee robes.

I soon realised, as did the rest of the school, that I was being called to the farthest end of the table.

"ALANIS! GET YOUR FAT ARSE OVER HERE!" I ducked my head in shame and made my way to my so-called friends, hearing people from around the Hall snigger.

"That's it," I muttered to myself, hiding my reddened face, "Isis is _so_ going to pay."

"What?" I growled as I sat down.

"What what?" Isis asked from beside me.

"What do you want that made you shout to me in front of _everyone_?" she smiled.

"Oh nothing, it was just funny." And then she and Louise laughed.

The bitches.

I helped myself to breakfast, savagely attacking my bacon whilst Professor Sprout passed us our timetables. Munching on a fried tomato, we watched the owls fly in for the morning post. Instinctively, my friends and I protected our heads so we didn't get hit with mail, or whatsmore – bird poo.

Isis received a letter from her parents describing the latest tomb they unveiled, and how her sister was doing with her newest tutor; she kept scaring them away with 'Egyptian curses'. Louise was delivered the Daily Prophet and I was left feeling unloved; I had no post.

Halfway through reading their mail Louise and Isis jumped and screamed as they were put into strangle holds from behind.

I love karma.

Keira and Cornelia fell into their seats next to their victims and helped themselves to food from the middle of the table.

Cornelia shoved her timetable under our noses.

"Have you seen it?" she asked excitedly, "Gryffindor and Hufflepuff have DADA, Astronomy and Divination together! We share three classes!" she squealed excitedly.

"Four classes," I said looking at my own timetable, "Care of Magical Creatures too."

"No we don't. I meant we as in WE," she said pointing her fork to each one of us in turn, "…share four classes. Not the whole of our houses. And as YOU," she pointed her (pitch) fork at me, "…are the only one to pick that subject, WE do not share four classes."

I stabbed my dippy egg making the yolk splatter across my plate.

"What's first on the agenda?" Isis said butting in. I love that girl; she stops me from going to Azkaban for ripping people's heads off. Even though her quick intervention was good, it didn't last long and only succeeded in making me more pissed off.

"Double Potions," I groaned. It was turning out to be a crap day and lessons hadn't even started – joy. "What have you got?" I asked Keira, completely blanking Cornelia.

Keira, the darling that she is, smiled at me sympathetically. "Transfiguration."

Louise glanced at her watch (polka dots, 'cos she's groovy). "We'd better get moving. We don't want detention on the first day, especially from Slimeball."

* * *

"McKenzie! WHY is your potion pink?"

To be honest, I had no idea.

The pain in my arse smirked through his curtain of hair. "That will be a 'T' for your pathetic attempt. Please consider raising your standards before you enter my classroom again."

Ooh, how I loathed that human-sized bat. Go drown in your bucket of grease.

He moved on to Isis' cauldron, choking on the lilac-grey smoke. "Why, it's another disgraceful concoction. Though better than I expected from a Hufflepuff."

Isis stared through him as if he wasn't there, but when his back was turned she used a few choice signs that had me coughing on my own laughter, or maybe it was the smoke.

Slimeball slithered along to Louise's gently bubbling cauldron, masked by several whisps of silver steam; the perfect Draft of Peace.

Having no opportunity to be a pessimistic little bat he snorted haughtily and swept his robes elsewhere.

"Mwuahaha!" Louise muttered, sending us into fits of suppressed laughter.

The bell rang and the class rushed to its escape, but not before Snape had anything to say.

"I want three feet on how to brew the Draft of Peace, the function of each ingredient and…" he looked at me slyly, "the effects of the potion if it is brewed incorrectly."

Upon exiting Potions, Louise began to express her happiness.

"HA! Did I get the better of him or what? I wish I'd taken a picture. I'd probably been given detention for having a camera in class though-"

"What have we got now? Charms. Ok." Isis shook her head at me.

"Why do you bother to ask questions and then answer them yourself? There's. No. Point."

I waved my hands spookily in front of her face. "There's always a point, Dearest."

We laughed until we were silenced.

By a dead guy.

"S-Sorry Nicholas," Isis sputtered, "We'll be more careful next time."

"How many times have we walked through him since first year?" I asked Isis.

"276 times." She recited.

"And are we ever careful next time?"

She eyed me weirdly. "What the hell do you think?" We turned and nearly knocked down Louise. Her left eye was twitching aggressively and one of her legs was doing some sort of over eccentric tap dance. She raised her arm in a 'help me' gesture.

"I-I'm sooo _cold_."

* * *

People dived out of my way as I snarled and made tracks to my last lesson. The day had not gone well; I'd been given heaps of homework, singed some of my hair from putting too much power in a spell in Charms, and was angry at Cornelia's ever-growing bitchiness. We'd only been eight hours into the day and she had already managed to piss me off.

At least now I could chill out in Care of Magical Creatures. It was one of my favourite subjects. I was now extra pleased as Ravenclaw, Gryffindor and Hufflepuff were put in the same class since all the fifth year Slytherins had dropped it.

I headed towards the edge of the forest where Professor Kettelburn was fussing over three crates covered with blankets. Hearing the approach he told me to stay where I was. "I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise!" he said merrily.

It wasn't long until I was joined by two Ravenclaw girls.

"Betty Lou! Dougie!" I cried, hugging both of them. They smiled, towering over me, (they were so tall!).

"This is a pleasant change in attitude." Betty Lou commented.

"Change in attitude?" I asked innocently, "Since when have I been anything but cheerful?"

"We just saw you in the corridor," Dougie stated bluntly, "You made a boy cry."

I shrugged the comment off. "It'll be good for him. If he's going to survive in this school he's got to know what some people are like!"

"Alanis, he was a seventh year."

All right class, settle down now." I whizzed round to find everyone there (when did that happen?). "I have a very enjoyable lesson for you today, but first I would like to introduce you to my assistant, Rubeus Hagrid." The friendly giant waved and smiled at a few people he knew in the crowd. "Hagrid will be assisting me in most lessons, since you're such a big class, and is capable of asking any questions you have if I am not available."

I squealed as I felt someone poke me in the side. The whole class stared at me, making me shift my weight uncomfortably.

"Is there something you would like to say, Miss McKenzie?"

"Err…I was just, err-happy. You see I was, ah, _worried_ about there not being enough teacher to go round. But now I know you have an assistant," I punched the air lamely, "Yay."

Professor Kettelburn eyed me warily before making the class put their attention on him.

I smiled until no one was looking then turned on the poking culprit. "Barty!"

"How'd you know it was me?" the brown haired Hufflepuff boy asked innocently.

"It's _always_ you!" I hissed, "Last year it was in Potions and you made me blow up my cauldron!"

Barty shrugged. "I was going to do the same this year but I was too far away. You cocked up your potion anyway so it wouldn't have even mattered."

I slapped him upside the head with my copy of 'Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them'. "Ouch."

"You deserve it."

"-If everyone could come a little closer to these crates," Professor Kettleburn's voice drifted over to us, "That's it, not too close. Now," he said clapping his hands together, "Hagrid, if you would do the honours."

Hagrid picked up the blankets as if they were tissues, revealing the mounds of baby Crups. Most of the class awed including Barty and I. One little puppy put it's snout over the edge of the crate and barked.

"Who can tell me the difference between a Crup and a Jack Russell?" My hand shot up hitting Barty's nose.

"Sir, a Crup has a forked tail whereas a Jack Russell only has a standard tail." Barty and I looked over at the person who snatched away my moment of glory. _I_ was the swot in this subject, _everyone_ knew that.

It was a boy (trust the male species to ruin my life). He was quite tall, pale and had freckles that contrasted with his flaming red hair.

Oh dear Merlin, it was a Weasley.

"There is also that the Crup lives three times longer than a Jack Russell and also has mild magical abilities." His voice was loud but shy, like he wanted everyone to hear him but felt scrutinised with every eye on him.

"Very good Charlie, ten points."

Professor Kettleburn used his _first_ name? Charlie. Charlie Weasley. Ah yes, the Gryffindor seeker. Keira had talked of him once or twice seeing as she was a Gryffindor chaser.

"Hey 'Lanis, looks like you have some competition." Barty pointed out.

"It looks like I have."

"Your reign of supreme swattiness is over, your throne of teacher's pet vanished, your cr-"

"Yes, I think I get it Bartholomew."

Professor Kettleburn's voice once again drifted over to us. "Everyone get in pairs then one of the pair come and collect a Crup."

I ran to the crates before Barty could think twice, mwuahing when I got there.

"Mwuahaha!"

Dougie came rushing over to me, blonde hair and black robes seeming a little more than dishevelled. "What the hell happened to you?" I asked.

"I had _gasp_ to wrestle Betty." She panted.

"Miss McKenzie, would you like to pick your Crup now?" Kettleburn asked.

I said nothing to him since I was angry that he had abandoned me for another swot. Peering into the crates, I picked out the smallest Crup. It was white with a big black splat on his left hind leg, and another splat on its right front leg. His head was all black except for a brown snout and a long white stripe through the middle of it.

"Take it back to your partner and give it a name."

I held him close to me, talking to him while walking back to Barty.

"Hello baby, I'm Alanis and I'm your mummy. And here's Uncle Barty!" I said, sitting down in the grass and putting the Crup in my lap.

"Why do I have to be Uncle Barty? Why not daddy?" he asked enraged.

"Because we being a mummy and daddy together sounds weird."

"Ew, yeah it does. Uncle Barty it is."

"Ew?" I asked, my face red with anger, "Why 'ew'?"

Before Barty could get an arse whipping Kettleburn asked; "Has everyone named their Crups?"

"I think we should name him Badger because of the line down his head." I whispered. Barty nodded his consent.

"Right, now one of you get your wand out and do this; put the name in your mind's eye and say 'Tag mordim'."

"Here take him," I said passing Badger to Barty, "I'll do this, I'm better at Charms."

"Yeah, you proved that this morning when you burned your hair off."

I glared at him then did as Professor Kettleburn said. "Tag mordim." A small red collar dropped into my palm. "Cool," I said, nodding at my handiwork, "D'you want to put it on him?"

"Go on then." I gave the collar to Barty and watched him put it on Badger.

"Aw, doesn't my baby look so pretty! You're so boot-i-ful! Yes you are, yes you are!"

Barty shielded Badger away from me. "Stop talking like that or I'll gag you."

When the lesson had ended and the class had put the Crups back into he crates Betty Lou, Dougie, Barty and I walked back to the castle together.

"Where are you going now?" I questioned them.

"Straight to the Common Room." Betty Lou said.

"Yeah, she's got to avoid her stalker!" Dougie giggled.

"Stalker?"

"Who is it?" Barty pleaded.

Betty Lou hung her head. "Percy Weasley." She mumbled. Barty let out an ear-splitting laugh.

"There are more of them?" I asked surprised.

"It feels like there are five of this kid," she complained, "He's _everywhere_; in the library, outside my classes, in the Entrance Hall…"

"Bloody hell! It's only the first day."

"I know!"

"So," Barty chuckled, "Why is he following you around?"

"Because he aspires to be her!" Dougie exclaimed.

"A girl?"

"No! Apparently I'm his idol; second most achieving student in the year, prefect and most likely to become Head Girl."

I giggled. "Poor you! I'll see you later then."

"See you." The two Ravenclaws departed, leaving me and Barty standing in the corridor.

"What should we do now?" he asked.

"Louise said she was going to the library straight after class. We could meet her there and get Snape's essay out of the way." I suggested.

"Sounds marvellous."

* * *

We weaved our way through the maze of book shelves to find Louise at the back with her boyfriend, Jason.

"Hi!" I said, flopping into a comfy chair across from them.

"Hi 'Lanis!"

"Alanis." Jason said, nodding to me.

"How was your day?" asked Louise, snuggling into Jason.

"Terrible!" I moaned, "Some redhead stole my thunder!"

"Err…" she cocked an eyebrow at Barty.

"Charlie Weasley is more of a swot than she is in Kettleburn's class." He supplied.

"Aw, you poor thing!" she exclaimed, then leaned in and whispered; "Just slip him some of your Draft of Peace. He'll never wake up again."

"Why is everyone picking on me and my potions skills today?"

Barty snorted. "What potions skills?"

"Well, here's a good thing," Jason said, "Because you're so bad at Potions you'll never have to take it for NEWTs."

"Yeah, great." I said unenthusiastically.

"So anyway," Louise interrupted cheerily, "When's the first Quidditch practice?"

"I've booked the pitch for Friday after lessons, so if you see the girls, tell them," Barty said, and then turned to Jason, "Ravenclaw's not going to know what hit them, Strooke. So you'd better warn the team."

"Oh please, you're a bunch of girls," Jason faltered under mine and Louise's glares, "I mean, err, do you really think so?"

"Smooth Strooke, smooth."

* * *

"Did you know that we have Defence Against the Dark Arts nearly every day?" Isis asked as we walked from the east wing.

"Wonderful. Many more chances to annoy Cornelia." Louise sighed from the other side of Isis.

"Couldn't you two get along for just one day?"

"We could," Cornelia said coming up behind us and making us jump, "But the scientists you are following us would take us away to see if we were malfunctioning."

Isis looked down the corridor. "Did you abandon Keira?"

"No, she had to go back; she forgot her books."

We queued up outside DADA where half the class was already standing, including 'Thunder Stealing redhead' (we had given him the title after ranting the night before).

We didn't have to wait long for Keira or for the yet-another-Defence Professor.

I was actually surprised by our new defence teacher, just because she was so _young._ I had expected some old fart who told war stories, had been there done that and constantly said; "Those were the days." in a voice that sounded like a bullfrog.

But not this girl; there were no wrinkles on her face, her voice was energetic and loud, and she had _blue_ hair. I was so going to love this class.

"Come in and sit wherever you want, I'm not fussed as long as you do your work." She said, sliding back through the door.

We charged in, finding the tables had been put into groups rather than lines and grabbed a four table forcing Cornelia to take a chair from a Gryffindor girl that was about to sit in it.

"Hey, that's my chair!"

"Really? Because I don't see your name on it. Now shoo!" Cornelia growled, sitting down at our table with an unnaturally happy smile.

From the start of the lesson to end of it, the class was in uproar, but controlled uproar, of course. First we played snowballs, then had to act like dangerous creatures running around the classroom, role play for what we would do in a particular situation, and play noughts and crosses. Plus, it was all the teacher's idea!

We found out her name was Antonia Payne, she was a Hufflepuff (score!), and she was 26. And we could call her by her first name in private, because she hated being called Professor.

Nobody actually wanted to leave, but the next class of first years were getting rowdy, so we had to go, (they might have been tiny but they were scary!).

"She was so cool! Do you reckon it'll be like that most lessons?" Louise asked.

"I dunno. But I think we might actually learn something this year."

All five of us paused in the middle of the corridor and looked at one another.

"Nah."

* * *

A/N: Bit of a crap ending but it was all I could think of! REVIEW PEOPLE! REVIEW LIKE YOU'VE NEVER REVIEWED BEFORE! Go on, I'll be your best friend.

Next chapter: The first Hufflepuff Quidditch practice and an actual confrontation with Charlie Weasley! (Audience: Wooooo!)

MavisClone x x


	3. Changing Impressions

A/N: HAHA! I bet you all thought there wasn't going to be a chapter three, but there is!

:P Okay, I actually have nothing of interest to say, so let's get on with the usual, eh?Thank you to all that reviewed and put me on their favourites/alerts: Aeoris, Bishiman Sephiroth, Happy-Hippy, Jodie, Kim and Allimba.

And thank you to my beta reader; Ma' Crumpet, who is from da ghetto and is down and kickin'. Yeah…anyway.

Dedication: This is dedicated to anyone who has just gone through SATs, is going through GCSEs, A Levels or any other test. Tests are horrible and stinky, but compulsory, (damn!), I hope you are all going to be ok.

Toodles,

MavisClone101 x x

Disclaimer: Anything that is owned by J. is (gasp!) NOT MINE!

Chapter Three

Changing Impressions

We watched Badger attack a blade of grass.

"Anything?" I asked Barty, who was holding the monitor to detect sources of magic from the crup.

"Nope." Badger rolled onto his back and lolled out his tongue.

We paused.

"Okay, how about now?"

"No!" I grabbed the monitor and shook it viciously. It didn't change.

"Great, we got the dud dog." I moaned.

"It's your fault." Barty accused, poking me.

"How is it?" I asked poking him harder.

"Because you picked him!" He said as he jabbed me.

"Well you were holding the monitor!" _Jab._

"Oh, is that so?" _Jabbety-jab._

"YEAH!" I shoved him forcefully making him fall to the ground with a THUD! Barty knelt up looking scandalised. It's funny how everyday situations go from bad to CATASTROPHIC…

"Oh no you didn't!" Before I could blink he slapped my cheek, eyes spinning inside my skull.

"You can't hit a girl!" I shrieked, "You woman-beater!"

Barty just inspected his nails. "I'm sorry; I couldn't see your gender as your VAGINA FACE was in the way!"

My jaw hit the floor. "That's it, let's go bitch!" I dived for his head (the biggest part of him), attempting to separate it from the rest of his body.

"ARGH! I need that, dimwit!" He screamed.

"Really? Because I thought it was HOLLOW!"

I really shouldn't have said that, I thought as Barty's hoof collided with my face. I clung to the searing pain, gasping when I saw blood dripping from it. "My NOSE! It's BROKEN!" I felt along the newly formed bump in my pride and joy.

The WOMAN-BEATER snorted.

"It's an improvement." He physically recoiled as I warrior-screamed and tackled him.

"No! Mercy, please! You're squashing me!"

Our hands were now flailing in front of us, scoring points as we hit the target.

"STOP!" We heard somewhere above us, "Stop this at once!" I was roughly pulled off Barty and came face to face with Professor Kettelburn.

Seeing Barty smirk wickedly at me, I attempted to make another dive for him but was held back by the bigger and stronger Betty-Lou and Dougie.

"I will not have beatch fighting in my lesson!" The professor fumed.

I eyed Ketteburn weirdly. "Did he just say 'beatch'?"

"Yeah." Barty confirmed, sounding disgusted.

"Ew."

"I will let you go with a warning if you promise never to do that again."

We nodded guiltily and were released from where we were held back. In an instant, we had started battling again, hitting each other in the campest way possible. Seeing my chance, I grabbed a tuft of dark brown hair.

"AKKKK! My hair! My adorable tuft of hair!"

"That's right girly-boy, pray for mercy!"

* * *

Madam Pomfrey tapped my nose lightly.

"_Episky."_

I glared at Barty who was sitting on the bed next to mine, yet mentally praised my handiwork; his arms were badly bruised, one of his fingers turned at a grotesque angle and hundreds of deep scratches gouged into his face and amazingly near his eyes.

Though he had traded me a broken nose, sprained ankle and a bitch slap to sting for eternity, most of the Care of Magical Creatures class agreed that I had totally whooped Bartholomew's arse.

"You can both leave," Madam Pomfrey ordered after fixing our injuries, "Do _not _come back to me like that again!"

"Don't worry," I muttered, exiting the Hospital Wing, "Next time you'll only have to pack up his corpse."

We headed to DADA in silence. That is, until Barty complained…

"I can't believe you pulled my hair! It took me years to perfect that tuft!" I stopped in front of our destination.

"How are you not gay?"

Opening the door, we immediately apologised for our lateness.

"I was already informed by Professor Kettleburn." Antonia explained, and then screwed up her nose, "He said beatch."

"I know, he said it to us too."

"Ew."

* * *

I shoved my way to the Slytherin table, searching out the only tolerant one of the lot. Spotting my victim I surged forward.

"Kawasaki, you bum, give me a hug!" The half Japanese girl grinned and squeezed me suffocatingly.

"Alanis, you fleepin' llama!" Even though I wanted to question her about her latest choice of pet name, something far more serious was adrift.

"Adelle, don't panic but something small and blonde is attacking the left side of your hair!"

"Hahaha," the sixth year drawled, dragging me out of the Great Hall to walk outside on the grounds, "you are the master of hilarity."

I gave her my as-if-I-didn't-know look, which she chose to ignore.

"If you must know, I got bored over the summer. My parents went to Japan to visit my grandparents, _without me_, so I dyed my hair." She said as she sat down on the stone steps outside. Joining her, I discovered (to the horror of my arse) they were freezing cold.

"Let me get this straight; you were bored, so you dyed your hair _blonde_?"

"Only a bit of it," Adelle replied, clinging to the clump of said hair, "besides, I think it looks funky with the black."

I rolled my eyes, though I must admit that her hair did look pretty damn groovy.

"I need to ask for your advice," She stared inquisitively. "Seeing as you've probably already done the unit, do you have any good tips on testing a crup's magical ability?"

Adelle smiled. "None that come to mind at the moment, BUT," she rummaged through her her bag, ripping a page from one of her many sketch books and grabbing a quill, "I did read this great book all about crups. It should be in the library close to the painting of Reginelia the Random."

She passed the paper, upon which she had scrawled the title, as the bell rang.

"I'll have to pick it up after Quidditch practice."

"Of course." Adelle remarked with a smirk. "Quidditch waits for no one."

* * *

"I don't know what I've been told!"

"**I don't know what I've been told!**"

"But I know that Slytherin eat mould!"

"**But I know that Slytherin eat mould!**"

"The Gryffindor team are so poo!"

"**The Gryffindor team are so poo!**"

"And the Ravenclaw's have no clue!"

"**And the Ravenclaw's have no clue!**"

"I'm great!"

"**1, 2!**"

"I'm cool!"

"**Shut up!**"

"You know," Louise said effortlessly while the rest of us collapsed down on the pitch, "I feel quite horrible doing that. I mean, running around in circles does nothing for my self-esteem…"

Isis snorted. Louise glared at her.

"…But insulting other houses when we have friends there is just plain mean."

"Uh huh," I agreed, "Maybe you should change the lyrics, Barty."

He challenged Louise by glaring at me as ruthlessly. "Shut up, Blondie."

How very dare him!

"Nuh uh, Brunettey."

"I'm Greeny-Bluey!" Louise shouted happily, holding out her hands for high-fives. No one moved. She cowered away.

Barty set us up running laps, Louise doing them with ease, Isis puffing along steadily a little behind her, while I fell to the back plodding along with the beaters, Sophie and Chloe.

"What the hell do we have to do these for?" Chloe panted, "It's not as if I'm suddenly going to lose the pull of gravity and just tramp gracefully along to hit the bludger, is it?"

"Oy, Barf," I halted infront of our crazed seeker, "Can we do some proper Quidditch now?"

"Fudge hole." He whispered, but blew his whistle to start the real work.

Grabbing my Shooting Star, I sped to the three rings at the edge of the pitch, greeting them as old friends.

"Gretel, Phyllis, Matthew, how d'you do?"

I spent the rest of the practice blocking the quaffle sent by Isis, Sarah and Natalie, dodging bludgers while watching Louise and Hayley enviously as they sat their little reserve-butts down and had a whale of a time doing nothing.

By the end of the session we all smelt like we'd bathed in a vat of sweat, died, been brought back to life and smothered ourselves in cheese.

It's at times like that, you thank Merlin for showers.

* * *

I knew I was looking in the right section but whether I was on the right shelf was another thing.

Why were there so many books starting with the title 'A Guide To…'?

I looked at the scribble that Adelle had given me. It hadn't changed. Clicking my tongue in annoyance I went around the other side.

Then I saw it. It's lurid green cover burned into my eyes like an evil splotch of chlorine. I felt like it's hard-back cover was thumping my head over and over again. I had been standing on the other side of the shelf for _half an hour_ and it was right there all along, cackling silently at me as my blondeness contaminated my brain.

I reached for my prize, hearing Madam Pince rustle through the maze of shelves. Slowly, the book started to slide out of sight. In my panic, I pounced on it, missing it by an inch and banging my hand instead.

Cursing, I swept over to discover the mystery of the moving book.

No way.

NO WAY.

Grasping MY book, reading MY pages was that conniving, sly, evil, bastard redhead.

"Weasley…" I growled, stomping up to him. "How DARE YOU?"

He raised his gaze and was startled that someone was talking to him, let alone shouting at him.

"FIRST, you steal my thunder, and now my book!" I could feel my cheeks rapidly heating up but I was too infuriated to care. "PLUS you made me hurt my hand. I hope you're _happy_."

I flounced out, holding my head high.

Stupidity struck again.

I had my head shoved so far up my arse that I didn't look where I was going and toppled over someone.

Who happened to be Louise.

Who was muttering to herself.

Inaudibly.

It was quite frightening actually.

Heaving ourselves to our feet, the small blonde continued to freak me out.

"…Snob…doesn't even know…perm…steal his rollers…" she mumbled manically.

"Louise?" I asked as I waved my hand in her face, "Louise? Lou? OY, FART BAG!"

She stared at me just realising I was there.

"Oh hiya."

"My name is Alanis," I held up my hand separating my fingers, "I come in peace."

Louise pulled her tongue.

"I was preoccupied. Jason is being an arse."

I bit back a retort of; _you've only just noticed?_

"Awww, hun. You know you'll kiss and make up by tomorrow."

She shrugged. "I guess."

"You'll never guess what happened just now!"

All the way to the Common Room I complained about the carrot top that was thieving everything I had.

* * *

It was Saturday, and after a thirteen hour long lie-in I was feeling particularly refreshed from a hectic first week of school.

Sinking into a golden cushioned chair in the Common Room, I let my eyes wander.

Isis and Louise were having a heated debate on whether palm reading was accurate or not. Over in the corner Barty was trying to devise new plays for the team whilst being pelted with paper balls by second years, and various fifth and seventh years were struggling to study as a group of third year girls loudly sang the newest Weird Sister's song.

A rattling came from the window. Isis opened it slightly and Pipsqueak fluttered in through the minute gap.

"How's my gorgeous Pippy?" I cooed. He tweeted sweetly in response, dropping a letter into my lap as he did so.

My friends peered at the purple seal on the back.

"Ooh, it's a federation letter." Isis squealed, plucking it open. I snatched it back.

"It's _my_ federation letter, thank you very much." Isis sulked and pouted. "Don't even think of doing the puppy dog face on me. It won't work; I'm a heartless cow."

I ripped open the letter, unfolding the parchment. It was indeed, a federation letter. It was a letter from the federation I was a part of; F.U.G.I.; Federation of Unique and Gifted Individuals. My best friends were also members of federations; Isis to S.O.S. – w.b.e.y. (Society Of Seers – We've Been Expecting You) and Louise to A.C.I.D. (Amazingly Clever Individuals Division), the wizarding world's equivalent to MENSA.

_Dear Miss McKenzie,_

_I am writing to inform you of a Christmas gathering that will take place on 23rd December this year. This is for federation members only but you may bring one guest to accompany you. _

_The gathering will be informal and will take place in a hired room at The Leaky Cauldron._

_Please return the slip below as soon as possible to tell us if you and your guest (optional) will be attending the gathering, so we can enlarge the room to the required size._

_All my best wishes,_

_Benita Grengaul_

_Deputy President,_

_Federation of Unique and Gifted Individuals._

_**Revel in being unique!**_

I closed the letter, quickly making up my mind. I rushed up to my dormitory grabbing parchment and ink, and shot back downstairs to lean on the desk.

_Heya Pancakes,_

_How is everyone? Lennie and Bennie? Mum and dad? You?_

_I've been invited to the F.U.G.I. Christmas party again. Do you want to come? I need to know as soon as possible._

_School has been good, even though we had lectures in every lesson about our OWLs. And this guy called Charlie Weasley is an absolute PRAT! He is ruining my life! He took my status as teacher's pet __and__ took the book I was about to get!_

_Send my love to mum, dad, and the littlies. And Gladdy - enjoy year nine sucker!_

_Alanis x x_

I shoved the letter into an envelope I grabbed from a protesting first year, but he wasn't even using it! And sent Pipsqueak on his merry way to Chester.

Now you may be thinking; "Why is SHE getting a federation letter for unique and gifted individuals?"

That would be because I have an _extremely _rare magical condition called '_magicae ēluviō'_, and a person with my condition is called '_magicae horreum' _which translates quite unflatteringly into 'magic storage'.

What happens is the magic levels of parents, usually making a half-blood child, fault. Take for example, my mother is a witch and my dad is a muggle, their magical levels faulted when they had me, my mother's magic becoming dominant in little-embryo-me, when they are usually neutral. This gave me a larger amount of magic than most witches and wizards, and I have to be more careful with delicate spells (hence the burned hair incident on the first day back).

There are grades of us. I'm a grade four at the moment which is normal for '_horreum'_ my age, though the magical community doesn't know much about the condition as it's so rare. There are only three in Britain, me, a forty-something watch maker in Bristol and a very kind, plump lady who lives in Wales. I've seen her at various F.U.G.I. meetings and she even invited me to her house for tea. She's has two dogs and a parakeet and makes the most amazing fairy cakes in- ANYWAY, that's why I'm in F.U.G.I.

Dumbledore explained to me in first year that if I practice regularly I can use my gift to the best of my ability.

Personally, I think it's a pain in the backside, it makes medical forms twice as long and I have to have blood tests and exams to find out my grade every year. It's a tedious experience.

"'Lanissssssssss," Louise moaned, "I'm hungryyyyyyyy."

Isis shuffled along on her knees and leaned her head on my lap. "Me too."

My stomach rumbled in agreement. "I may be slightly peckish."

They grinned, catapulting towards the exit; a statue of Helga Hufflepuff.

Cornelia and Keira were leaning against the wall outside, sensing food was on the horizon. We always go to lunch together on the weekend, it's an unwritten rule.

* * *

We clambered down the main staircase and squeezed onto the Gryffindor table, helping ourselves to a plentiful middle-meal.

It was when I was halfway through munching a chicken leg when I noticed him. The glowing embers making his mussed hair, patched jeans, and orange jumper with a big red 'C' on it made it easy to spot him in the middle of a crowd.

And then suddenly, he started walking towards me. And kept walking towards me. Closer, closer until he stopped directly behind me.

I turned, curious to see why he had become stationary.

He was looking right at me.

"Um…" he held a book who's green cover I instantly recognised, "I finished it this morning, and seeing as you were so keen to have it, I thought I'd better give it straight to you instead of risking it being taken out by another person."

He passed it over, the tips of his ears tinged pink. "T-Thank you." I stuttered.

"It's okay," he beamed, obviously gaining some confidence, "I put bookmarks in the pages I thought you'd find most useful, and there are some really interesting facts as well."

I turned the book over to inspect it's spine. This book was thick, very thick, in fact. At least two inches. He read this overnight? Impressive, very impressive.

"Thanks, that's really nice of you." I smiled, even though it pained me to smile at my secret enemy at first, when he smiled back I found it easy.

"Anytime." He trotted back to his small troupe of friends further along the table, who laughed and teased him as he hid his face.

Damn, I thought, I can't get this pigging smile off my face now.

The girls smirked at me.

"What?" I asked. There was a flurry of movement as they all looked down at their plates, though still looking sickeningly smug.

I sighed, knowing what was running through their minds.

At least I knew they were wrong. I didn't. I totally didn't, so don't even bother suggesting it.

* * *

Later that night I wrote another note to Gladys;

_Gladdy,_

_At lunch, Charlie Weasley, (the guy who was ruining my life) came up and gave me the book! And he even put book marks at all the important bits to make it easier for me!_

_And this book is about two inches thick and he read it overnight!_

_So yeah, he seemed nice._

_Alanis x x_

Don't bother suggesting again.

Because I didn't.

I totally didn't.

* * *

A/N: How was that? REVIEW PEOPLE! That chapter isn't quite as long as the last, but I think it turned out quite well anyway.

Next chapter: A war begins between the Hufflepuff girls and Mindy & Co. Plus, Isis is in for a bumpy ride!

MavisClone x x


	4. October Should Be Avoided

A/N: I have just realised a pattern in my uploading of this story! I upload every month! This is going to take about a year to do! NOOOOOOO! BUT, this week is the end of our exams, so hopefully I'll have the odd two updates in one month.

Thank you to my reviewers: Happy Hippy, Aeoris, Kitty Mew Mew, BecciBoo and The Rubber Duckys Will Save Us! I love you all! Have a virtual pudding of your choice!

Also, thank you to my beta reader, Ma Crumpet! She did a fantastic job on the last chapter!

Dedication: Because The Rubber Duckys Will Save Us grovelled and sent me an AMAZING review, she gets this chapter dedication. I am going to MARRY THIS PERSON! Also, Happy Father's Day everybody!

Ta ta,

MavisClone x x

Disclaimer: I do not own the world of Harry Potter, but I do own all the OCs!

Chapter Four

October Should Be Avoided

It was one of those days; when everything is regular and kind of dull, yet you feel like you've missed something incredibly exciting. It was also a Wednesday and Wednesday's always seem weird. Maybe because they're in the middle of the school week.

So yeah, it was one of _those_ days.

When I woke up, everything was dull and regular.

When Pipsqueak found his way into Cornelia's vanity case, everything was dull and regular.

And later on when I was still wiping the blood red lipstick from Pipsqueak's beak to make him look less like a cannibal and more like an owl, everything was dull and regular.

It seems that all the excitement and irregularity had been sucked out of Wednesday to be parachuted into Thursday…

* * *

"Louise, stop fidgeting!"

"But my cloak is creased!"

"Then fix it. Quickly. You're distracting me!"

"It's only Binns! He won't notice anyway."

"I don't care. I NEED to pass this class!"

"Swat."

"SHUT UP!"

Louise sulked, then shot up as if a light bulb pinged on a top of her head. She rummaged through her bag and produced something yellow and smelly.

"N-Now Louise," I stuttered, "You know I was only joking…please Lou, please no-KEEP THAT CHEESE SANDWICH AWAY FROM ME!"

I knocked the foul food from her hand and into a dozing Ravenclaw's mouth.

"Why do you have a cheese sandwich in your bag?" I asked her.

"I've been waiting for the opportune moment..." Louise muttered darkly.

"Would you two just _shut it_?" Isis lifted her head from the desk, her tousled hair completely covering her eyes. "I'm trying to get some sleep."

Louise and I looked at each other.

"Ooer!" we said together, "What's got her knickers in a twist?"

Isis glowered at us. "Bite me."

The bell rang overhead, yet Binn's kept droning on. The semi-awake class tiptoed out, cackling evilly. Okay, maybe it was just me and Louise cackling, but the time was ripe!

Isis trotted along trying to keep up with us whilst looking more tired than before her nap.

And then it happened.

The REALLY annoying thing about Hogwarts is the moving staircases. For a game of tick at the weekend they're awesome, but when you're actually making your way to class it's infuriating.

You have to learn about fifty different ways to get to one class in case the staircases move. That's what happened on this occasion. We were about three paces from the landing when our staircase changed.

Knowing it would take us another fifteen minutes to get to Herbology, we sighed deeply.

"We could've jumped." Louise suggested miserably.

"Oh yeah," Isis added sarcastically, "And we could've ended up like William Murphy!"

William Murphy, if you're wondering, was in fourth year when we were in our first.

He jumped from the staircase when it started moving, missed the platform and was plunged eight floors down. He's still in St Mungo's claiming he's Kermit the Frog.

What happened next convinced me that it is possible for fright to feel like a cobra squeezing itself around your gut.

The staircase was about five feet from coming into a landing. I turned to ask Isis when the Transfiguration homework was due, but I never got round to asking her.

"Isis?" I asked shakily.

Her body was rigid and cold and her eyes were glassy and lifeless. On closer inspection, I gasped to see that her pupils were violet.

"Isis!" I shook her body desperately. She suddenly flopped out of my arms, past Louise and over the edge of the staircase.

"ISIS!"

Louise and I watched in terror as our friend's limp form shot down. Everywhere, people were screaming and shouting.

Where were the teachers when you needed them?

Before she could hit he ground, a pair of arms dove out from the third floor, roughly catching the unconscious Isis.

We sprinted down to her, worry clenching our hearts.

The saviour, a seventh year boy, was bent over Isis attempting to revive her.

I knelt down beside Isis, Louise crashing down next to me.

"Miss Bingley, Miss McKenzie, Mr Blotsham," Professor Dumbledore stood in front of us with Madam Pomfrey and Professor Sprout.

Pomfrey rushed forward and levitated Isis away.

"Collect Miss Johnson and Miss Lansdown, and then meet us outside the Hospital Wing." Dumbledore said solemnly.

Louise stood up and dragged me with her.

"The sooner we go, the sooner we get back."

* * *

What could possibly take SO LONG?

Isis, Professor Sprout told us, had woken up two hours before, and Dumbledore was STILL TALKING TO HER!

Keira, Louise, Cornelia, and I had shoved ourselves against the glass doors of the Infirmary to see inside, whilst Isis' saviour, who we found out was called Simon, watched us in silent terror.

The poor boy didn't know what he'd gotten himself into.

"This is a pigging joke." Cornelia moaned.

"I'll say." I agreed.

Professor Sprout waddled out of the Hospital Wing.

"You may see Miss Locke now."

"I should go then, now she's-" Simon protested.

"Are you kidding? You're coming with us!" Louise appeared behind him forcing him forward and Keira took his wrist and yanked him along.

Isis was lying in the farthest bed, looking just as crisp white as the sheets, but nonetheless, making an effort to smile weakly at us.

"How do you feel, hun?" Cornelia asked, gingerly sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I'd be lying if I said I'd never felt better, but I'm fine."

"You must have some injuries though," I said, lifting various limbs of Isis' checking for bruises, "That was one heck of a fall!"

"Indeed. What an excellent observation, Miss McKenzie." A voice called, hovering a few paces behind me.

I flicked my gaze over to find the Headmaster smiling at me with twinkling eyes. If anyone else had made that comment I would have plonked them one, but as it was him I knew it was part of his bizarre humour.

Dumbledore stepped forward, his star-infested robes swishing as he did.

"Miss Locke has suffered from a faint. It is not abnormal for someone to faint, but from where this faint occurred, we were all quite worried," The Headmaster placed his hand on Isis' shoulder. "But no fear, she is fine as you can see, though Madam Pomfrey would like to keep her in overnight. Just to be on the safe side."

I squeezed Isis' hand, glad to know she was okay. We heard an awkward cough behind Keira.

"Ah yes," Dumbledore clapped his hands together and smiled, "Miss Locke, I do believe you would like to know of the young man who saved you, this is Simon Blotsham."

Simon stepped forward, his long black bangs tumbling in his eyes.

It was just like a sickly lovey-dovey no-point romance movie; boy's eyes meet girl's, they share a moment staring at each other, girl smiles shyly and the boy grins goofily.

Merlin, it was repulsive to watch.

Whilst Isis and Simon had their, er…moment, Dumbledore turned to me.

"Miss McKenzie, I was wondering whether you would step outside and tell me how your mother is doing."

Call it sixth sense or intuition, but I knew Dumbledore wanted to tell me what really happened to Isis.

We strode outside as everyone else fussed over Isis. Dumbledore firmly shut the Infirmary doors.

"I expect that you know Miss Locke did not faint?"

Well duh.

"Could you tell me your exact account of what happened, please?"

I told him of missing the landing, seeing Isis in her transfixed state, watching her fall, and finally ended with Simon catching her. I had become a little distressed mid-way through my tale, leaving the Headmaster to conjure a box of tissues for me.

"She's obviously had another vision," I sniffled, "What did Isis see?"

"That is between me and Miss Locke. Whether she chooses to tell you is her decision." The Professor sat down next to me on the bench and I was mesmerised by how his sparkling robes crinkled. "What I find strange is that Miss Locke has completely skipped the basics of normal Seers."

I looked into his half-moon spectacles questioningly.

"Normally," he explained, "When first discovering they are a Seer, a witch or wizard's visions are verbal. They speak in riddles, if you will. It seems that Miss Locke has side-stepped this stage and gone straight to having ocular visions."

"So can she not have verbal visions?" I asked.

"Oh, I have no doubts that she is able to. She just hasn't had the chance," Dumbledore stared at me, looking serious, "I trust you and Miss Bingley are the only other people that know of Miss Locke's gift?"

"Yes."

"And Miss Johnson and Miss Lansdown?"

"They have no idea."

"Good. Miss Locke's skills as a Seer are highly progressive. I think the more secret this is kept, the safer she will be."

Dumbledore let me back into the Infirmary, but excited as I was to check on Isis, as I watched Madam Pomfrey shove foul-smelling potions down her throat, I wondered; _Who are we keeping Isis safe from?_

* * *

It was two weeks after Isis had been released from the Hospital Wing, when almost every year was crowded round the Hufflepuff notice board.

"Hogsmeade trip!" Louise shouted excitedly as she crowd-surfed nearer to the board to read it. "The day before Halloween!"

She put her thumbs up, then squealed as the people who were holding her up moved in different directions and dropped her. The crowd dispersed and Barty and I moved to where Louise was lying on her back clutching her bum.

"I think I've broken my arse bone."

"You're fine!" Barty said, pulling her up.

"So, gang outing?" He asked us both.

"Don't you think Louise will want to go with her _boyfriend_?" I teased.

The pint-sized genius stuck her tongue out at me.

"Actually, I'd rather go with you two. Jason's been really catty with me lately."

"Trouble in Paradise?" Barty asked mockingly. I swatted him on the arm.

"Leave her be!" I knelt down before Louise and tilted my head forwards, "We would be honoured with your presence."

Louise huffed.

"I'm not sure that I would want to be seen with peasants such as yourselves."

"OY!"

"Come on, let's go and see if Isis wants to come too."

She dragged a sulking Barty and me out the Common Room, up the stairs and into the Great Hall where most of Hogwarts were having breakfast.

We spotted Isis deep in conversation with Simon, who'd been talking to her a lot since her 'accident', and caught the last remnants of what they were saying.

"So you'll come?" Simon asked.

"Yeah." Isis said, smiling.

"Cool! I'll see you then."

"Sure."

Simon walked past us blushing profusely. We sat down peering at our friend's pink cheeks and large smile.

"Hogsmeade weekend is in a fortnight." I stated.

"I know." She confirmed, her smile growing wider.

"Do you want to come with us?"

"I can't," Isis said, laughter bubbling in her voice. She leaned forwards and whispered; "Simon just asked me!"

We all squealed girlishly (including Barty), bobbing up and down in our seats. I think the action was well justified; their crushes on each other were so obvious!

"Woah! Did Snape die or something?" Cornelia said quirking an eyebrow.

"Simon just asked Isis out to Hogsmeade!" Barty blurted.

"Congratulations! He is one nice hunk of meat if I say so myself!"

Isis giggled. "Who are you going with?"

Cornelia inspected her nails. "Oh, just one of my _many_ admirers."

I rolled my eyes. Trust her.

"And you?" I asked Keira beside Corny.

"Mario, obviously!" She joked.

Mario was Keira's newly acquired boyfriend. Italian, very cute, nice bum.

"Just us three then." I said to Louise and Barty.

"Yup."

"So much more entertaining that way."

* * *

I was in DADA, stressing over an offence spell that was _impossible to do_!

"Aaaaaaaaaaaargh!" I screamed, making most of the class cower away.

"Calm down dear!" Louise said playfully. "Remember, it's Hogsmeade tomorrow!"

"Yes," I muttered, "Tomorrow my Precious…"

I looked up to see my Professor, Antonia, stare at me like I was a wild Hinkypunk.

"Damn it!"

* * *

"**We're off to see the Wizard! The wonderful Wizard of Oz!**" we sang, arm in arm, skipping merrily down the path to Hogsmeade.

"I don't know the rest of the words!" Louise exclaimed as we started running along, still linked together.

"It doesn't matter! Just keep singing the same line!" Barty shouted.

"Race you to Zonko's!" I screamed sprinting away.

"As if, sister!" Louise said, pulling a face and speeding past me.

Nevermind, I would still beat Barty.

Wouldn't I?

* * *

As I stumbled into Zonko's I heard Louise and Barty snicker at me.

"I hate you both." I gasped.

"You're just a sore loser."

My friends were rummaging around when my gaze was drawn outside. I looked past the stacks of Exploding Snap and out of the window. Trees were littering their leaves onto the ground. Waves of gold, red and orange flowing through the air like a sheet of silk.

_The rustling leaves spiralled upwards making us scream in delight. _

_Mum watched the three of us from the patio doors, laughing as we kicked the leaves in our wellies. _

_Gladdy and I jumped in the puddle that had formed at the bottom of our garden as a boy of ten, watched us smiling._

"_Edward! Join in, join in!"_

_He rushed over, starting a splashing competion between us. We screamed and laughed, not caring if we stained our coats._

_Everything was fine until Edward and I heard a whimper. Gladys had dropped her teddy bear into a puddle. _

_Edward's arms surrounded her as tears threatened to spill over Gladdy's cheeks._

"_Don't cry, Gladdy. Mummy can make him clean and dry again!" _

_Birds were calling to each other in the distance. I looked up and saw a crowd of magpies fly over our house._

"_Look!" I alerted Gladys and Edward, tugging on their coats._

"_One for sorrow, two for joy..."_

"Three for a girl, four for a boy…" I whispered.

"_Five for silver, six for gold…" we chanted excitedly._

"Seven for a secret never to be told…"

"'Lanis, are you ok?" Louise asked worriedly, irked by my unusual behaviour.

"Can we go outside?" I asked urgently. "Just to sit?"

"Um, sure."

Without waiting another second, I opened the shop door and lost myself in the autumn mirage.

* * *

"So how'd it go?" We asked a sleepy Isis the next day.

We had barely given her time to wake up before we jumped onto her four-poster still wearing our pyjamas.

"It was…" she leant back into her pillows, "_Amazing!_"

"Details dear, we need details."

Isis looked happy about this prospect of giving a blow-by-blow account of her date with Simon.

"He is the sweetest, kindest, funniest, cutest boy I have ever met," she sighed. "He's so perfect! We have about everything in common. Except for that thing where I have to flick the page I'm reading twice…"

Isis carried on her telling of her date for an hour. Good job it was a Sunday!

"And he's asked me out again next weekend!"

"Where is he going to take you?" Louise asked, "You can't go out the grounds as it's against-"

"Hold up! You're missing the point!" I smiled at Isis, "He asked you out again _which means_, he's now your official boyfriend?"

She nodded and squealed into her pillow. Louise glanced at her watch.

"Well, if we get changed uber-speed we could catch your boyfriend at lunch."

Isis dove into the bathroom against my angry protests.

"Girlfriends get priority." Louise explained.

"Bugger!" I slumped down the wall, my legs straight out in front of me, "I'm the only one who's single!"

I was startled. I had never been the only one in the group who was single before.

Sure, Corny had probably dumped the guy she went to Hogsmeade with already, but she changed boyfriends like she changed socks.

Isis came out of the bathroom leaving me and Louise to battle for the bathroom.

Within ten minutes we were trolling along to the Great Hall eagerly, because;

One; we were going to see Simon,

Two; we'd missed breakfast and were _starving_,

Walking in we saw few people scattered about, Simon not being one of them.

"Oh well, we'll eat and then go look for him."

Doing just that, we scoffed our faces with toast, cereal, bacon, eggs, anything we could get a hold of. During my feast I felt something knock my back. Seeing as I was so hungry, I paid no attention to it until something large and grey rolled out in front of me and onto my breakfast.

I also felt two big objects flap around my shoulders. I traced the grey thing from the bottom upwards. It drew closer and closer to my face- it was on my face!

I clutched the flapping things and tugged them into my line of vision. They were ears!

I checked the rest of my body finding it to be normal. I knew exactly what had happened.

Who in the name of baboons half-transfigures someone into an elephant?

I looked either side of me. Louise's neck was covered in splats and had expanded several feet.

"I'm twafl!"

I think what the half-Louise, half-giraffe was trying to say was; 'I'm tall!', but had some difficulty due to the massive blue tongue that was lolling out of her mouth.

Isis had two floppy ears coming out on top of her head. She inspected her bum to discover a fluffy white ball of fluff.

"How am I meant to sit down now?" she asked.

My eyes darted to the door. There, running out and laughing were Mindy and her Merry Men.

"Follow them." Isis ordered.

We caught up with them outside the library.

"CRAWFORD!" Isis screamed.

Mindy and her group turned around, guffawing when they saw how ridiculous we looked. A few stragglers in the hallway halted, hoping to see an entertaining fight.

"What is it now, Mudblood?"

"We'd just like to thank you for your amusing gift." I said annoyed.

Louise nodded, scared to open her mouth incase her elongated tongue fell out.

"And we'd also like to say," Isis glided forward, "That even though you may not have fully transfigured us, you truly made _yourself_ into a fully-fledged cow."

The crowd that had formed 'oohed'.

"You little-" Mindy had her wand out, pointed at Isis.

I did the first thing that came to my head. Taking a deep breath, I blew out of my trunk.

Almost everyone present fell over in shock. Seizing my chance, I grabbed Louise and Isis and dragged them to the Hospital Wing.

* * *

"I'm afraid you'll have to wait for it to wear off."

Madam Pomfrey, the woman who could heal anything, COULDN'T HELP US!

"Fine!" I stalked off, opening the door and carelessly bumping into something big and blinding red. "Oof!"

"Oh, hi Alanis! Sorry about th- What happened to you?"

I looked up to find Charlie Weasley (in his Quidditch robes) fighting off a laugh.

Oh no. Why me?

"Er, hi Charlie!" I answered embarrassed.

We had spoken to each other in passing since the book incident. Our normal conversations went something like this;

"_Hi, Alanis!"_

"_Hi, Charlie!"_

"_How are you?"_

"_Ok. You?"_

"_Fine."_

"_That's good."_

"_Well…bye then!"_

"_Bye!"_

Quite the conversationalists, weren't we?

This was probably the longest talk we had ever had.

"Me and my friends had a run in with some Slytherins." I explained.

"Bummer." He said. I looked at his face.

"OH, JUST LAUGH!"

He burst out in repetitive manic giggles, which made me laugh too.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"Oliver." He stated bluntly sliding across to reveal a small boy, probably a second year, who cowered away with his bleeding nose.

"Hi!" I said warmly. Oliver shrieked and hid behind Charlie.

"It must be the trunk." I reasoned.

"Sure it is."

* * *

The Halloween Feast was, entertaining, to say the least. We got a load of weird looks, Louise mostly as her head was several feet higher than everyone else's. It did make it hard for her to go through doorways. I started to wonder where she would fit to sleep, if this didn't wear off before we went to bed.

Isis got a lot of wolf whistles because of the rabbit ears, so she sent me deathly glares all day. Just because she complained she looked like a Playboy Bunny and I promised her she didn't!

Any of the attention I got was thrown at me in Dumbo jokes. But he was adorable so I didn't really care.

To be honest, I think we three should have teased them.

At least _we_ fitted in with the occasion.

* * *

A/N: OMG! That took FAR too long to type up! Is it just me or do my characters spend a lot of their time in the Hospital Wing?

This chapter was a little more serious than my previous ones, but I hope the humour was still there!

Review people! Because if you don't, I'll make Alanis in half-elephant form come and eat you!

MavisClone x x


	5. Bloody Boggarts and PermYielding Morons

A/N: Ok, here's the thing that's bugging me; 1093 hits, 17 reviews, and only 8 people reviewing. GET OFF YOUR LAZY BUMS AND REVIEW! Or may God be with you if I manage to get my hands on a spade and some marshmallows.

I'm going on holiday for two weeks after this, and being the unsociable person I am, I'll just end up writing all the time, so hopefully I'll have the sixth chapter done and dusted.

Thank you to the fourth chapter reviewers; Happy Hippy, Aeoris and mntrlcndns, and to those who put me on their alerts; LaLa-036, ToastLove, mntrlcndns and morance.

Thanks to my beta reader, Ma Crumpet.

Dedication: Dedicated to SUMMER HOLIDAYS, because they are great, yet they don't last long enough.

Love you all, and love you even more if you reviewed/alerted me,

MavisClone x x

Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, I wouldn't have cut Charlie's hair uberly short in Deathly Hallows. I'll keep my OC's hair long enough though. Songs sung are not mine; they belong to Queen and Tiffany. Oh yes!

Chapter Five

Bloody Boggarts and Perm-Yielding Morons

"We have three days, fifteen hours and twenty-seven minutes until our match with Ravenclaw and we're nowhere near ready!" Barty barked.

He had dragged us to Quidditch practice every night for the past week and we were all feeling the strain; Natalie had fallen asleep in her breakfast that morning, Sophie had been sent to the Hospital Wing for severe muscle ache and I had become even more clumsy in Potions as I was so exhausted, to name a few.

"Chill out, Barty!" Louise said calmly, "It's only Quidditch!"

"Louise!" we groaned, knowing she had triggered Barty's 'Only Quidditch?' speech.

"Only Quidditch?" he asked scandalised, "ONLY QUIDDITCH? This is not _only Quidditch; _this is a sport of champions that has passed down for centuries."

We had all started to make ourselves comfortable on the grass seeing as this was going to take a long time. I leaned on Isis, Isis drooped onto Louise and Louise had produced a magazine from nowhere.

"…These are not only Quidditch balls; these are planets in the hands of Gods. To win is not just victory, to win is _everything._"

Sarah put her hand up. "I thought you said winning wasn't important?"

"Silence!" Barty scathed. "We are not here to have fun! We are here to win or lose, to live or die, for that Quidditch ground is not for playing, that is a playing field's job." Isis muttered a sarcastic 'Really?' loud enough so I could appreciate.

Barty was still being charismatic. "That is not a playing field. _That_, is a battlefield." He finished dramatically.

"Laaaaaaaaame." I droned. My Captain glared at me.

"Bravo, bravo!" Spoke a thick Scottish accent. The owner was a girl whose face looked like it had taken severe beating from the Whomping Willow. I couldn't tell where her nose ended and her chin began. "That was inspiring."

Barty looked torn between pride and fright. "Er, thanks…"

"Alice."

"So, Alice, what can I do for you?"

"Actually, it's what I can do for you." She said through her chunky and chipped teeth.

If I was Barty I would have peed my pants. I'd also be male…

He gulped. "A-And what can- what's that then?"

"I am your answer to the falling standards of the Hufflepuff Quidditch team." She puffed out her chest proudly. We gaped at her, our lower jaws resting on the ground beneath us.

"And how do you propose to do that?" Barty asked, suddenly impolite and crossed his arms defensively.

"I will be Keeper."

"WHAT?" I shouted rudely, standing to face this Scottish invader, "Keeper is _my_ position."

"Not anymore, lassie."

"You cheeky bi-" Barty grabbed fistfuls of my t-shirt to stop me from attacking Alice. The others didn't move, not caring whether I ripped her apart or not.

"The Keeper position is taken, thanks," Barty informed her angrily, "Now, if you'd kindly leave-"

"I could play Chaser." Alice interrupted.

"No, we've already got three completely able Chasers."

"Beater then."

"No."

"Seeker?"

"No!"

"Reserve?"

"NO!" Barty was steadily glowing purple as his rage built up. "We have a full and fantastic Quidditch team already."

Isis looked at Alice curiously. "Are you even _in _Hufflepuff?"

"Judging from the Slytherin crest on her robes I'd say, possibly. But I _could_ be wrong." Louise deduced. Alice was definitely NOT making a positive impression.

Barty smiled triumphantly.

"Now that you've insulted me and my team mates for no particular reason seeing as you're not even in the same House, you can leave."

Alice did not take the news well. Flicking her blindingly orange hair over her shoulder and baring her dodgy gnashers, she sucked in the surrounding oxygen. Glaring at Barty, she said in the most Scottish accent she could muster, "You're gayeeeeeeee!"

She then stomped away and proceeded back into the castle.

Now, I'm not really one for laughing at other people's misfortune but Alice had voiced what the majority of Hogwarts student body were wondering (he _did_ hang around with a bunch of girls all the time) and also in the most hilarious voice ever conjured.

Needless to say Barty got very pissed off when he couldn't halt the uncontainable laughter of his Quidditch team.

He narrowed his eyes at us all, planning to teach us a lesson.

* * *

"Ow ow owwww!" I groaned as I got up the next day. Every muscle in my body made me feel as if I had been sat on by a rhino. "Damn that Barty!"

As punishment, the satanic Seeker set us the task of running fifty laps, smiling smugly when we begged for death. I still felt out of breath.

Isis, Louise and I hobbled around our dorm whilst our other room mate, an olive skinned girl named Kelly, stifled her giggles.

We three ache-ees limped away from our dorm, a chorus of groans echoing in the small tunnel.

By Divination I was too afraid to move for fear of causing myself pain. But that's when Cornelia came in handy. She gave me her clump of pillows, made sure I was comfortable and talked to me soothingly.

I bet you never thought there was a nice side to Corny, did you? I guess you could say Cornelia is the big sister I never had. Sweet, kind, and protective when she feels like it, but an unwarranted bitch that corrects everything I say and do the rest of the time.

"Remember; broaden your minds!" quavered Professor Trelawney. Isis was the only one who looked at our deranged teacher with fascination. "Take your partner's hand and read their palm using _Unfogging the Future_ to aid you."

I observed Cornelia's palm and adopted a voice not unlike Trelawney's. "Ah, of course! I should have foreseen this!"

Cornelia, deciding to play along, gasped.

"What is it?"

"This," I said tracing along a groove, "is your Fe-line. You shall have twenty-seven cats!"

"Oh my!"

I peered closer, tutting, "This does not bode well for you. You shall marry thrice, all husbands disappearing mysteriously, all named Clyde."

Cornelia shook with silent laughter as I carried on. "On the eve of your thirty-ninth birthday you shall walk into your attic to find all your cats wearing hard hats, making Whiskers cat food from your deceased husbands. The moggies will surround you, absently licking their lips. Suddenly, a bright white light blares from the entrance revealing…" I paused.

"Revealing?"

"I'm sorry, all our phones are currently busy. Please stay on the line, you're call is very important to us." I preceded the comment with some tuneless humming to represent lounge music.

Cornelia was laughing so hard she fell off her pouffē. Louise and Isis seemed to be taking this lesson seriously as they were both staring intently at Lou's hand.

Trelawney also noticed and started to stride over to the pair.

"Let's make this a little more interesting." Cornelia whispered to me. Taking out her wand, she pointed it towards Louise's hand and murmured, "Moneus."

We watched as a new line expanded upon the unsuspecting Louise's hand, just as Trelawney arrived at their table.

"Let me see, Dear." She said. Our victim passed her hand for Trelawney to examine, unaware of the addition we had made. Cornelia and I giggled as our teacher's magnified eyes widened, thinking that she had found the extra line.

"Oh my Dear, my poor Dear," Trelawney grasped Louise's hand in her own, "Your life line is…it's so peculiar."

Hold up. Life line? We didn't put the new line anywhere near there.

"Look, it starts off as a normal life line should," she traced along the groove as the whole class anxiously watched, "And then it…separates into two lines, then returns as one line. And very early on in your life span I would say."

Sure enough, the line split into two then rejoined, forming a small almond shape. Lou was startled.

"My Dear, it seems that in the not too distant future you will meet Death himself and…" Trelawney paused and gulped for effect, "…and _evade him._"

Louise's body tilted backwards off her pouffē. She remained unmoving on the floor.

I came to stand next to Trelawney.

"I think she's fainted, Professor."

* * *

"I have a feeling I spend too much time in here." I announced as we all congregated in the Hospital Wing once again.

Keira sighed. "I wish you lot would stop getting injured or fainting. I would like to make it through a whole lesson without getting pulled out to visit you here."

"Sorry to be such an inconvenience!" huffed Isis.

I stared at Louise on the bed. She was still out cold and was being fed potions through a tube and funnel. It was rather hilarious. Madam Pomfrey had told us Louise should wake up soon, so we were allowed to wait until she did.

"You lot don't have Quidditch practice tonight," Keira told me and Isis, switching the subject, "Professor Sprout noticed your team is shuffling about like pensioners and has banned Barty from making you practise tonight. So Gryffindor got your slot."

"Hoorah!" Isis tried to jump up and do a victory dance but shrieked as her aching muscles tweaked as a reminder.

"Yeah, our Captain told me and Charlie this morning," Keira smirked, "he was quite worried about you, Alanis."

"Who?" I asked, playing dumb.

"Why Charlie, of course. He's kept asking me how you were all day," there was a glint in her eye that unnerved me, "Why do you think that is?"

I frowned, "Well obviously because we're friends now. I mean, I'd do the same if any of you were in my position."

"As if," came a weak voice from the bed. Louise sat up slowly, "You'd make us suffer more and then laugh."

"How long have you been awake?" I asked annoyed.

"Long enough to hear you make a fool out of yourself."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "I know what we can do now to entertain ourselves…_palm reading._"

I smiled as Louise, once again, fainted, her head thudding against her pillows.

Madam Pomfrey tottered over to us and inspected Louise.

"Has she still not woken up?" she asked disbelieving.

Hardly able to mask a smile, I answered, "No, Miss. She's still lifeless."

Pomfrey tutted and walked away to busy herself with other sick students.

Isis put her hands on her hips.

"You're evil."

"I know."

* * *

That night I was in the Common Room listening to Louise curse me with words I didn't know existed when my family owl, Sweep, flew down from my dorm. I _told_ Isis to shut the window. Otherwise all sorts of creepy crawlies can get in.

Sweep dropped two fairly large rolls of paper on my lap and an envelope marked 'Read me first!'

I ripped open the letter glad to find Gladys familiar scrawl;

_Hi!_

_I went shopping yesterday, saw these and immediately thought of you. How good a sister am I?_

_Lennie and Bennie wanted to put their own 'contribution' on them seeing as they were hand-painting today, but I made them do it on this letter instead._

_I would have sent Pipsqueak with them, (the rolls, not the kids) but as they are several times bigger than him, I thought he might collapse._

_Anyway, I hope you enjoy them!_

_Gladdy x x_

Her name was followed by two very small and _very_ messy purple hand-prints. I noticed there was another scribble at the bottom of the letter;

_P.S. Stop calling me 'Pancakes'. I don't need to be reminded of my boobs (or lack of). If you continue to do so, I shall be forced to address you as 'Phyllis' in public._

I shrieked and toppled off my chair.

She wouldn't!

Okay, I confess. Alanis isn't_ actually_ my first name, it's my second. My full name is Phyllis Alanis McKenzie. Yes, my initials do spell PAM.

Urgh.

I detest my real name so I go by Alanis. I used to be referred to as Phyllis in Primary School. Needless to say, I wasn't very popular.

My mother is an extremely evil woman. She reckoned that her name, Jacqueline, was bad, so she decided to make her children suffer too.

_Phyllis, Gladys, Bernadette. _Leonard isn't such a bad name though. It seems the men in our family get off lightly. Whereas my mother must have loathed me from birth.

Deciding to find out what the hell Gladys was talking about, I unfurled the two rolls simultaneously.

Her threat of calling me by my real name zoomed out my head as I stared at the posters.

_I have the greatest sister in the world!_

One poster was of my Quidditch team, the Appleby Arrows, all seven players clad in pale blue and whizzing around. On the other was my favourite wizarding band, Paramawk.

"Ooer! I like!" Isis said, slowly sliding the posters towards her. I slapped her hands.

"No touchy!"

There was a rumble from the Common Room entrance revealing an energetic Barty. We soon realised he was singing.

"_Don't stop me now! I'm having such a good time, I'm having a ball. Don't stop me now! If you want to have a good time, just…_" he landed on his knees and skidded over to our sofa, "_…give me a call!_"

We stared disbelievingly at him. Louise had a cream cake hovering at her gaping mouth.

"Are you ready for your five hour training tomorrow?"

Isis and I groaned while Lou scoffed her cake.

"Actually-" she said, gulping it down, "I won't be able to make it. I've got a date with Jason."

"WHAT?" screeched Barty.

"And you can't forbid me to go because I've got written consent from Professor Sprout. She also said you're not to have a training session that runs more than two hours because you work us too hard."

"That biznatch." He muttered.

Suddenly, Professor Sprout careered through the entrance.

"D-Did someone…call…my name?" she puffed, clutching her chest.

"No, Professor."

"Oh." Our head of house waddled back out.

"That was scary." Isis commented.

"How did she know?" I asked.

"It's the walls. They send her messages," Louise whispered, "They have ears."

My eyes darted to the walls surrounding us. They thought they had us fooled! But I knew better.

I didn't trust these 'walls' at all…

* * *

"Today we are going to be defending ourselves against a boggart," Antonia announced. "Who can tell me any facts about boggarts?"

"Theytransformintowhatyou'remostfrightenedof." Louise blurted eagerly.

Antonia smiled. "Ten points to Hufflepuff."

A Gryffindor I had seen hanging around with Charlie put his hand up.

"Yes, Gary?"

He cleared his throat. "They reside in small, enclosed spaces."

"Good. Ten points."

Charlie nudged Gary and high-fived him with vigour. I snorted, amused by their antics.

"Alanis, what is a boggart's true form?"

I gulped. Had she put me on the spot because I laughed?

"It has no true form," I answered, "Well, that is, no one has ever seen a boggart's true form. Whoever faces it only sees what they fear the most."

Antonia's eyes pierced through me. "Another ten points I think. Well done."

Phew.

"So," she clapped her hands together, "Now we know a couple of facts, we need to know how to defeat a boggart." Taking her wand out she gestured for us to do the same.

"Picture what you are most afraid of, then make it _funny_. Try your best; boggarts can only be defeated by laughter. Got that image in your mind?" she asked looking round the class, "What you do – not now though, we don't want any accidents - is point your wand at the boggart, picture the funny thing and say 'Riddikulus'. Say it."

"**Ridiculous.**"

"_Riddikulus._"

"**Ridiculus.**"

Antonia tapped her chin. "Try saying it like a Transylvanian vampire."

"**Riddikulus.**"

"Perfect!" she rejoiced. "Form a somewhat orderly queue behind _this_ point," our Professor flicked her wand and an orange cross scorched the wooden floor, "and let the fun begin!"

Our class scrambled to line up, exciting at the prospect of proving their own hilarity. I found myself squished between Keira and Charlie.

"Hi!" I sang cheerily to the redhead behind me.

"Why hello there!" he answered back just as enthusiastically.

I leaned my head back to see his face instead of turning round. Hey, I was lazy and he looked amusing upside-down.

"So, what are you most afraid of?" I asked him.

"You'll see when it's my turn." He teased. I pouted childishly. "What's _your_ worst fear?"

I smirked. "_You'll see when it's my turn._" I mimicked.

I cackled as he frowned at me, but had to stop and put my head upright since it started to put a crick in my neck. Keira swivelled round and raised her eyebrows.

"_What?_" I mouthed.

She merely shrugged, but I still caught the smugly triumphant look she wore before she faced forwards once more.

Everyone was having good fun and as Louise adorned her giant troll with a fluffy pink tutu, excitement bubbled in my stomach. The line moved onward and my heart leapt into my throat when my hand accidentally brushed Charlie's own.

Keira gripped her wand tightly as the boggart transformed into a jaguar. It prowled up to her, baring it's teeth. Just when it was to strike, Keira lifted her wand and roared, "_Riddikulus!_"

The jaguar stopped in mid-attack and started to choke on a fur ball. I cried with laughter as the jaguar's strangled noises reminded me of when I, by mistake, made Barty's tonsils swell to the size of quaffles.

Antonia congratulated Keira on her efforts and waved her to the back of the line. Suddenly I found myself face to face with the boggart, which was contorting itself into previous frights to find my own.

The transforming halted and it seemed I was looking at thin air. Whispers rippled down the queue as to why.

"That can't be right!"

"What the…?"

"There's nothing there!"

Knowing what was happening, I swatted the space in front of my face. Again. And again.

Flapping my hands around my head I heard Barty ask Cornelia why my arms were spazzing.

"Perhaps she's doing a rain dance?" she said weakly.

My eyes drifted to the tip of my nose. There it was. The bane of my existence. The thing that nagged at my head and tugged at my insides. My worst fear.

It hovered unsteadily, it's many legs circling around it's body as if they were fuzz. It's miniscule wings made their pitiful attempts to keep the monster upright, it's body swaying back and forth with the effort.

The thing I feared most was an evil, grotesque, spine tingling deformity.

A daddy long-legs.

The class, when they realised, started tittering. That was soon punctured by Louise's ear-splitting laughter.

While trying to keep the damned insect away from me I saw that the whole class was laughing at my expense. Even Keira, the nicest, kindest and most sympathetic of my friends had tears rolling down her face.

I pointed my wand dangerously at my target. "_Riddikulus!_" I hissed.

A yellow mallet, twice the size of a normal person, was suspended in midair. Another flick of my wand sent the mallet thundering along the floor trying to flatten the insect.

Oh the mirth!

A minute into this Tom and Jerry re-enactment, the weapon finally came in contact with the daddy long-legs.

I smiled to myself and made my way to the back of the line as my peers watched stunned.

As soon as the class stopped gawping, my mallet popped out of sight. The remains of my victim began spiralling and gathering together. They span faster in a whirlwind until morphing into a blur of mouldy green.

The spinning stopped and the green thing was plummeted downwards on it's bum. It shook it's head then peered around the room, showing off his imp-like body.

The imp thing stood up, unfurling it's gnarled fingers and toes. It's bile coloured eyes narrowed when he spotted Charlie. It surged forward revealing razor sharp teeth and aimed it's claws at his neck.

Charlie seemed to expect this and already had his wand trained on the imp.

"Riddikulus!"

The imp was thrown back and frozen like a mannequin. A little green suit and top hat adorned with clovers flapped onto it's bony body.

"He's stolen me lucky charms!" It squeaked in an Irish accent.

I blinked.

"Bwuahahaha!" Barty roared. The rest of the class followed.

Charlie smiled from ear to ear and headed to where Keira and I were holding onto each other for fear of crashing to the floor in fits of giggles.

"Th-That was…BWUAH!-_amazing!_" I acclaimed. He beamed.

"Thanks. You were…pretty impressive."

I straightened up and put my hands on my hips.

"Oh, don't lie." I said in a tone not to be messed with.

He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Why are you scared of an insect?" he asked to the point.

"One," I marked off with my finger, "They are absolutely pointless. What is their function anyway?" Charlie was about to answer but I cut him off, "Two; it's impossible for them to fly in a straight line. Three-"

"As lovely as your explanation is, it doesn't tell me why you're scared of them." He interrupted.

I sighed deeply. This was going to sound so stupid.

"Daddy long-legs are very common, right? It'd be weird if you didn't see one floating around somewhere?" I said.

Charlie nodded.

"A lot of people don't know that daddy long-legs, or whatever you call them, are among the most poisonous creatures on the planet. Only they have no way to deposit it."

"So why are you so scared? They're not exactly going to grow fangs and bite you." He reasoned.

"You ever heard of evolution, boy?" I asked dangerously.

Charlie shrugged as if he admitted I had a point but was unwilling to back down.

"Evolution takes millions of years. There's no way-"

"_The point is,_" I growled, "There's still a threat."

The bell finalised our debate and Antonia's voice rang out congratulating us on a successful lesson. I grabbed my bag, shot out the door and fell into step with Cornelia and Louise.

"Hey loser," the former greeted me, "Coming to sit with us at lunch?"

"Are we eating at the Gryffindor table?" I asked.

"Yes. Why?" she linked my arm, smirking.

Louise muttered something like, "As if you have to ask."

"Just curious."

I knew that my friends thought I fancied Charlie. I guess there was some part of me that tingled whenever I saw him, some part that smiled when he said 'Hi!', but I refused to become a mushy fangirl like the ones attached to his brother. Anyway, he was more friend material.

For the moment.

When we were outside the Great Hall I saw Adelle putting up a brightly coloured poster on the notice board. Louise and I ran over to her, Cornelia followed slowly behind, and enveloped her in a bone-crushing hug.

Adele greeted us energetically and even Cornelia, who was cold to people who weren't close friends, smiled.

Adele and Corny looked very similar. They did once say they were related. Adelle's mother's cousin's half-brother's grandfather's son's daughter or something like that. Pure-blooded families, know what I mean?

"What's that?" I pointed to the pile of posters in Adelle's hand.

"A notice." She answered simply.

"What does it say?"

"Why don't you read it, eh?" She passed me and Louise one each and patted my head.

_Hogwarts now has it's own radio station!_

_WIZNATCH!_

_Music, talking and reading your letters out, not to mention the greatest host in the world, ADELLE KAWASAKI!_

_Launches this Saturday_

_11am – 4pm_

_Tune your Wizarding Wireless to_

_624.42 WZ_

"Cool."

"Wiznatch?" Louise remarked, "Is that a spin of biznatch?"

Adele smirked guiltily. "You'd better win the Quidditch match tomorrow so I have something to boast about."

"Don't worry; we've got it in the bag." I replied smoothly.

"You have practice tonight, don't you?" asked Cornelia.

"_I_ have," I confirmed, "Miss Smallperson over there is skiving to go on a date."

Cornelia's eyes were as wide as Mindy Crawford's bum.

"You're missing Quidditch to go on a _date?_"

Louise nodded.

Cornelia embraced the small blonde tightly with tears in her eyes.

"Oh Louise, we _are_ friends."

* * *

A group of sweaty and exhausted, yet happy people made their way to the Hufflepuff Common Room.

"That was a brilliant practice!" our Captain proclaimed. "If we play like that tomorrow we'll slaughter Ravenclaw!"

We all murmured our agreement, and then complimented each other on our plays.

"This is excellent! It's fantastic!" Barty gushed. "Girls, that Quidditch Cup is as good as ours."

"It'll be nice to show the rest of the school that Hufflepuff is nothing to be ashamed of." Natalie said in a quiet voice.

"Exactly!" Sophie enthused. "There's no more Miss Nice-Beater from me! Ooh, I'd love to give Geoffrey a dint in the head with a bludger."

Confused, I asked, "Aren't you dating him?"

She looked at me blankly. "Your point being…?"

"We're going to be so amazing! We'll be a hit!" Barty chattered away, ignoring the rest of us, "I'll be so successful, I'll be asked to Captain the Tornadoes! Or the Bats!"

As we were all preoccupied talking enthusiastically, it took us ages to register that Barty had crashed down on the ground and face-first into a portrait. A small, dark lump from the floor moved toward him mumbling, "I'm so sorry, Barty- I didn't think- Oh crap…"

The lump helped our Seeker to his feet and as it straightened out I recognised it as, not a lump, but as a quiet and dishevelled Louise.

"Lou? Why the hell are you sitting outside?" Isis asked.

Louise shuffled around and said, "I forgot the password. Things on my mind…"

"Louise?" Natalie asked softly. She glided closer towards her and put her fingers on Louise's elbow.

Lou's face snapped up to Natalie's, and a look of relief flashed across her face.

"He dumped me." She said, her voice low and toneless, "Jason."

Immediately we surged forwards to embrace her while Isis barked orders.

"Hayley, fetch Keira and Cornelia, tell them it's an _emergency_. Sophie, Chloe, go down to the kitchens and get anything deep-fried and smothered in chocolate!"

As the girls rushed to their jobs, Barty, Natalie, Sarah, Isis and I shimmied Louise into the Common Room and through the tunnel to our dorm.

Within seconds of planting the distressed blonde's bum on her bed, Cornelia and Keira barged their way into the room flanked by Sophie and Chloe pushing two wheelbarrows full of comfort food.

Cornelia's face was already red with anger, her long black hair swishing madly.

"How dare he! That obnoxious, lousy, evil, disgusting, perm-yielding moron!" She plonked herself down dramatically, whipped a Chocolate Frog from a wheelbarrow and viciously bit it's head off.

"Hun, do you want to talk about it?" Keira asked softly.

Louise shook her head.

"So he asks me to this fancy dinner in the Room of Requirement," she started, the rest of us unsurprised she was telling us anyway, "And he was acting all nice and charming, better than he has in a while. Anyway, we finish dinner and were chatting when he said he needed to tell me something."

At this point Louise took a large swig of the Butterbeer Hayley tossed to her. "Then Jason's going on about how I'm top of my year and however hard he works he's still in second place behind Bill Weasley in his year," Louise picked at her bed covers and her tone became more dangerous.

"It was nothing I haven't heard before because he's forever complaining about Bill and Bill's marks and how Bill 'shouldn't have been made Head Boy because he's much too incompetent."

All the girls present gasped. The redheaded God was perfect. Why would anyone want to slate him?

"And then Jason says, 'It's too much of an embarrassment having a girlfriend that's smarter than me. Unless you dumb yourself down our relationship is over.'"

There was a roar of outrage that rippled over the room like a Mexican wave.

"So what did you say?" I asked, hoping Louise would have replied with a witty retort.

She snorted.

"I told him to stick his grades where the sun doesn't shine, because that's where they'll ALWAYS remain compared to my scores."

I beamed. I knew she wouldn't disappoint me.

"Then I left about an hour ago and have been sitting outside since."

Barty patted Louise's head.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Comforting you."

"If you want to make me feel better; stop."

Barty dropped his hand to his side, looking like a lost puppy. I mentally scratched him behind the ear and called him a 'Good doggy!'

"What the…?" he screeched.

Oops. I actually _did_ scratch him.

"Well, you know what the best cure for being dumped by a bastard for stupid reasons is, don't you?" Chloe asked.

"Chocolate, cream cakes and feel-good movies?" I suggested.

Natalie shook her head and in a cruel, manipulating voice, stated, "_Revenge._"

Louise looked grim. "As tempting as your suggestion is, avenging myself would only show I'm as self-centered as him."

There was silence.

"But can we still pummel him to death tomorrow?"

Louise let her Chocolate Frog hover in front of her waiting mouth.

"Definitely." She said.

* * *

And with that she crammed the struggling Frog into her mouth and chewed it into stillness.

The Great Hall was bustling with excitement for the upcoming match.

Personally I was too busy trying to keep my breakfast inside my stomach and keeping my eyes open to join in.

The first would be due to the uncontrollable nerves I had been experiencing since I woke up. The second was due to the fact I had stayed up until three o'clock the previous night talking to Barty and Lou.

"_You're better off without him," Barty reassured, whispering so we didn't wake Kelly or Isis._

_I nodded vigorously._

"_I know things have been rocky recently," Louise hugged her knees to her chest, "but if it was all down to that one petty reason…" She broke off, though the clenching of her fists did not go unnoticed._

_I decided to contribute to the conversation, "You're better off without him, Lou. His afro is so beneath you."_

_She wrinkled her nose._

"_Yeah, he probably puts rollers in his hair for that 'just-out-of-the-salon perm'." We all sniggered._

_My eyes drifted over the floor to where a box of tissues lay unopened and discarded. Louise hadn't cried. She never did. But Keira had brought them anyway. 'Just in case,' she said. _

_Just in case Louise suddenly combusts and cries a river of tears over her snobby, up-his-own-arse, now ex-boyfriend?_

Fat chance.

_She was still upset though. Louise isn't heartless. And she was angry, definitely. But mostly disappointed. Her brooding and silent state was much worse than watching a never-ending flow of tears leak from her eyes._

"_I know what," Barty said as energetically as one can in the early hours of the morning, "There's another Hogsmeade trip soon. We'll go together and buy you a mountain of Honeydukes' best."_

"_Yeah," I agreed, "And a knife."_

_My comment was ignored as Barty pressed on, "And we'll go to the Hog's Head and get you some Firewhiskey." _

"_And a knife." I added darkly. The pair looked at me questioningly._

"_Why would I need a knife?" Louise asked._

"_To chop Jason's nethers off with." I answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world._

_Barty raised a quizzical eyebrow and continued, "Then we'll take you to that new robes place and get you decked out. Even though I hate girl shops but I'll go inside because I love you so much."_

"_And we'll buy you a kn- NO!" I had sudden epiphany and shot up. Isis rolled over in her sleep mumbling something about cockroach ice cream. "I'll buy you a SPOON!"_

_Louise closed her eyes and breathed out heavily as if she was about to speak to a young child._

"_A spoon?"_

"_Yes." I nodded. "A plastic one. They're blunt, so you have to dig harder. Therefore it will be more painful."_

_Barty shielded his nethers protectively._

"_More painful for _Jason_."_

"_You could name them BallDigger3000s." Louise remarked sarcastically. The effect went the opposite way to how she hoped._

"_YEAH!"_

_She tutted and looked at her watch._

"_Bloody hell! It's half two!"_

_Barty went into Captain Mode._

"_Bingley, McKenzie, get to bed immediately! I will not have my Quidditch players falling asleep on the pitch. This is-"_

"_Barty?" Louise asked in a bored tone._

"_Yes?" _

"_Say 'ah'."_

"_Ah?"_

_Louise flung a Cauldron Cake in Barty's gaping mouth._

_I appraised her handiwork. "Very well done, Miss Bingley. A beautiful technique."_

_Lou smiled._

"_It's all in the wrist."_

I pushed my breakfast plate away from me and poured myself a cup of tea instead.

A pale Barty sat down across from me, his eyes wide and unfocused.

"You alright, Captain?" I asked, hoping to sound somewhat confident.

He shook his head. "I've been sick five times today. Once I missed staining my shoes but I got my roommates cat instead. It clawed at me," He showed me the scratches on his wrist. "It CLAWED me!" he said manically.

"Eat some toast." I shoved a plate under his nose and scanned the Hall for the rest of the team.

Isis and Louise appeared at the doorway and made their way over. Louise couldn't go three paces without someone from Hufflepuff standing up, holding her hand and talking to her, rather like she had been made a widow instead of an ex-girlfriend. News travelled fast in Hogwarts.

The rest of the team came and sat with us. The silence of our group contrasted wildly with the buzzing of our House table.

But the buzzing stopped and tension masked the air. Every eye was staring at the entrance of the Great Hall.

Jason had just walked in.

As he walked past our table to get to Ravenclaw's, every member glared at him, silently condemning him to a thousand deaths.

At Hogwarts, you soon realise that a House is not just a House, but it's a family, like they told us in first year. So, when you mess with someone in that family, you've got one quarter of the school against you. And Hufflepuffs are extra loyal, so when you mess with someone in _our_ family, you'd better pray to the Heavens that you're able to run fast.

Whilst glaring at the bumhead of a sixth year Ravenclaw, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I think you can guess who it was by now.

"I just came to say good luck." Charlie said. He put out his hand awkwardly.

"Thanks," I said, taking his hand and shaking it weakly.

"I hope you crush them." He said, quite violently. "But don't do too well."

"What?" I asked.

"I don't want you beating Gryffindor." He said with smile.

"We'll see about that when we come to it."

"Ready to go?" Barty interrupted. The poor dear looked like he was going to throw up again.

With a smile, I brushed past Charlie and walked to the Hufflepuff changing room.

Strapping on my arm guards, I forced myself to keep breathing. It looked like Sarah was doing the same.

Barty strode out of the Captain's office and faced us all.

"Right, this is our first match of the season. The nerves you're feeling now are because of that, and not because you're worried about losing to Ravenclaw," It sounded to me like he was trying to convince himself instead of us, "We've practised, we've worked, we know the plays like the back of our hands, now all we can do is do our best. Hayley, Louise, you can go to the Reserve stands now."

He picked up his broomstick and made towards the exit.

"Oh, one more thing," he said stopping, his back to us, "_Give Jason hell._"

We parted the changing room with a cheer and waited in the tunnel to the pitch for our names to be called by Betty-Lou and Dougie.

"Welcome everyone to the second match of the season, Ravenclaw Vs Hufflepuff!" Dougie's voice boomed.

"Now to introduce the teams!" Betty-Lou shouted, "For Ravenclaw; Davis, Genghis, Geoffrey, Smith, Ferguson, Slant and their Captain, Strooke!"

A deafening scream came from the west of the pitch; the Ravenclaw stands.

"And the Hufflepuff team," Our hatch opened for us to be blinded by the sun. Mounting our brooms, we readied ourselves to fly out. "Locke, Townson, Hanson, Rotheram, Penston, McKenzie and their Captain, Ranson!"

Zooming out I rushed towards my rings to protect them, even though the game hadn't started. Madam Hooch flew herself to the centre of the makeshift circle the remaining players had made.

"Alright everyone," her eyes passed over every member, "I want a nice, clean match, from both teams." She released the bludgers, threw the scarlet Quaffle and blew on her whistle in quick succession.

And so it began.

* * *

"Hanson in possession of the Quaffle, heading towards the hoops. She passes to Locke. Locke expertly dodges a bludger sent by Ferguson! Locke passes to Townson. She aims for the hoops, and…" I held my breath praying to Merlin we would score. A large groan emitted from the yellow clad supporters, "Oh! And the Quaffle is intercepted by Slant. Too bad, Hufflepuff."

I gritted my teeth at Betty-Lou's jovial tone. We really should have had someone who _wasn't_ a Ravenclaw commentate this match.

"And now Strooke heads towards the Hufflepuff rings," Dougie continued, "And he drops the Quaffle due to a bludger sent by Penston. That's got to hurt. But Davis catches the Quaffle. She passes to Genghis. Genghis dodges a bludger, passes to Davis. Davis receives, passes to Strooke, Strooke goes for the kill…"

I watched as Jason came speeding toward me. I hunched on my broom, watching him manoeuvre ever closer. Just as I lunged to protect the left hoop, Jason back-passed to Genghis. He took his chance and pelted the Quaffle through the right hoop.

"Ravenclaw scores!" Dougie and Betty-Lou chimed together, "Ten to nil."

Barty rocketed over to me as Isis took possession of the Quaffle.

"You were a little rusty there." He remarked.

"It's been a while since I've played properly." I snapped.

"Just get your confidence up and try harder, 'kay?"

"Go and do your own job, Barty."

He looked affronted. "Excuse me, but who's the Captain here?"

I snarled. Barty screamed and flew away. Hey, I was feeling more confident already!

"It's now thirty-five minutes into the match. Hufflepuff are in the lead with seventy points to ten." Dougie stated to the crowd, sounding bored. "Davis takes possession and- WAIT! Is that the Snitch? I think it is-Oh. No, it isn't. Sorry, false alarm. It seems SOMEONE decided to wear gold today. Tsk."

I peered into the crowd and watched as Cornelia stuck her finger up at Dougie. The dear girl really didn't know how to dress practically.

Betty-Lou carried on the commentary. "Davis flies to the rings, he shoots..."

I dived to block the soaring Quaffle and rejoiced as I clasped it firmly in my hands.

"…And McKenzie makes a perfect save! You know, if I wasn't in Ravenclaw I would be standing on my seat and dancing. Much like Professor Sprout is right now."

Another thirty minutes had passed and I had only let in two more goals. Unfortunately, the same could be said for Slant.

Davis dropped the Quaffle into the waiting arms of my best friend.

As Isis sped off to the opposite end of the pitch I heard the faint sound of someone singing.

"_Running just as fast as we can, holding on to one another's hands. Trying to get away into the night and then you put your arms around me and we tumble to the ground. And then you say-_"

"BARTY!" I screamed, "What in the name of Snape's Shampoo are you doing?"

"I was just entertaining myself." He answered.

"Why don't you look for the Snitch instead?" I suggested. "Like you're supposed too."

But Barty wasn't listening. Instead he was staring intently at the Reserve stands some twenty feet below. A glisten of gold hovered next to Louise's foot.

"Is that what I think it is?"

Barty grinned and shot downwards.

"It looks like Ranson has seen the Snitch!" Betty-Lou said excitedly.

As Barty dived further towards Louise, people were leaping out of their seats and bobbing up enthusiastically.

Louise shrieked and cowered behind Hayley. The Snitch sped from it's hiding place and looked for shelter on the ground. Both Seekers headed for the gold ball and were viciously trying to stop each other from catching it.

Distracted by this display, I jumped out of my skin when I heard Isis scream, "ALANIS! PAY SOME BLOODY ATTENTION!"

Jason was soaring towards me with the Quaffle, obviously pleased with himself that no one noticed him until it was too late.

He was going to throw the Quaffle to the right hoop. I knew it. I could see it in his stance. But I also knew that I wouldn't be able to block it in time. I really should have paid more attention earlier.

As I made a pathetic attempt to defend my rings, a whizzing sound met my ears. Jason seemed to have noticed too. His eyes widened and half a second later, he was thrown forwards on his broom and dropped the Quaffle.

Behind him Sophie was holding her bat in mid air and was looking overly smug.

"About time I did that, eh?" she said cheekily.

I laughed and searched the pitch for Barty. I found him seeking out for something in the air.

Ah, so the Snitch had got away.

Resuming the game, Chloe and Sophie had managed to hit Jason with five bludgers.

"It seems that the new aim of the Hufflepuff beaters is to thump the crap out of Ravenclaw Captain, Strooke. I'd feel sorry for the guy if he wasn't so stuck up and forever giving everyone detention." Dougie mentioned.

But their efforts were making my job a whole lot easier. Davis and Genghis wouldn't go anywhere near their fellow Chaser for fear of being crushed by a bludger.

"Okay, it's been two hours long now," Betty-Lou moaned, "Can someone PLEASE catch the Snitch? I REALLY need the loo."

As if in answer, the Ravenclaw Seeker, Smith, zipped to the Ravenclaw stands plunging his right arm out in front of him.

Crap.

"Fly Barty!" Louise screamed from the Reserve stand, "FLY MY PRETTY, FLY!"

Doing as he was told the Hufflepuff Seeker was soon pulling up to Smith's level and mimicked the arm position.

Barty was steadily moving away from Smith. The blue Seeker attempted to claw at Barty's robes to hold him back, but it was pointless.

With his free arm our Captain flung out his arm and pulled his broom to a halt. Grasped firmly in his palm was the Snitch, struggling against it's temporary prison.

"Ranson has caught the Snitch! HUFFLEPUFF WINS!"

Landing softly on the ground, the whole team chucked their brooms and forced Barty into a group hug.

"That was FANTASTIC!"

Barty bowed. "Thank you, thank you, I'm here all week!"

Louise and Hayley approached us. Lou flung out her arms.

"You were brilliant!"

Barty opened out his own arms expecting a hug, but Louise ignored him and enfolded Sophie and Chloe in her arms instead.

"Look at the extent of your damage." She said pointing to where Jason fell of his broom and sang, 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star'. She turned to Barty. "You did alright too."

"So…" Barty put his arms around mine and Isis' shoulders, "I propose a celebration."

"Ooh! How about a party?" Isis elected.

Barty shook his head. "I was thinking something a little more special. Like a nice, three hour Quidditch practice."

Flicking him in the head, I asked, "Do you want to be the first victim of my BallDigger3000s?"

Backing away, he sighed.

"It was worth a try."

* * *

A/N: Argh! I'm sorry this took forever to do! But I've already written the start to chapter six! That's a bit of a consolation! Hopefully. This is the first time I've written a Quidditch match, so please, be gentle! I don't like the ending, but I had no idea how else to do it.

Anyways, REVIEW PEOPLE! I have a fair few rogue BallDigger3000s lurking about, so you'd BETTER review.

MavisClone x x


	6. Conspiracies, Crazy Crap and Christmas

A/N: OMG! I am so ridiculously sorry it took so long to update! Hopefully you'll all be satisfied with this extra long, extra dramatic chapter, with extra sprinkles of hilarity thrown in for your enjoyment! And as my dearest friend Sarah has said to me, I am 'CHURNING THIS OUT, ALREADY!'

Dedication: To Sarah (dramatic reader extraordinaire!) and Matty; for the constant pushy-ness of "Writing yet? *poke emote*", and for having such boss msn conversations that I have saved, read two years later and been inspired to continue to write my story. Thanks guys, you're both absolute legends :)

Chapter Six

Conspiracies, Crazy Crap and Christmas

"This is Adele 'Crazy Cow'-azaki and you are listening to Wiznatch, Hogwarts' first ever radio station…"

"Hey _Phyllis_, turn the Wireless up." Cornelia called to me, being careful to use my most hated first name.

I cringed and replied, "Sure thing, _Corny_."

We – meaning Keira, Isis, Louise, Cornelia and I – were lounging in the Room of Requirement, attempting to banish the pile of homework that had creeped up during the school week.

The room had been found by Keira in our third year at Hogwarts when she had been missing her family and became homesick. Today it had adorned itself with purple bean bags (which were exceptionally hard to remove your arse from), numerous shelves of text books, snugly patchwork quilts, parchment, ink, quills, and a small kitchenette for us to make pots of tea in. Unfortunately, the only thing the room didn't provide with were tasty snacks to scoff our faces – it seemed even magic had its limits.

The Wireless, which resided between Louise and me on the plush red carpet, was still blasting out Adele's voice.

"…So if anyone has found Niamh's teddy bear, would you please notify her or a member of staff as soon as possible. However, Niamh has warned the person who does find it _not_ to cuddle it as it _will_ attempt to bite your goolies off. Why she enchanted it in the first place is beyond me. Now," Adele's pride was evident in her tone, "How about that fantastic Quidditch match last night, eh? It gives me the utmost satisfaction to say that Jason Strooke is still recovering in the Hospital Wing, snobby sod."

We all laughed triumphantly. Isis and Louise high-fived each other and Cornelia peered over her mug of tea smugly.

"So now I figure I'll give you something to relax to…this is for the Hufflepuff Quidditch team and their excellent plays!"

A gentle guitar riff waved out of the radio and the soothing voice of Celestina Warbeck accompanied it, making us all unwind and sigh in contentment.

The rattle of parchments alerted me to Louise.

"Done!" She boasted.

"You've finished your Muggle Studies essay already?" Cornelia asked in disbelief. Louise nodded. "How do you complete those so quickly?"

"Well, she is a half-blood," I said slowly, as if I was talking to a five-year old instead of a very tall, very mean, soon-to-be very angry sixteen-year old, "You learn about all that stuff in Primary School."

Cornelia just glared at me in her sardonic way.

"It was a rhetorical question, genius," she snapped.

"If it was a rhetorical question, it wouldn't have had an answer. I thought that would have been obvious, Cornelia."

"Don't correct me, you little-"

"_Guys_," Keira pronounced dangerously. We retreated into our bean bags, pissed off but not willing to proceed with our disagreement in the present company.

If there was one unsaid rule to mine and Cornelia's arguments – not that there were any said rules, which always guaranteed bedlam – it was to never, ever, get Keira angry. When got angry, she was _livid_, and had no problem kicking you up the arse to show just how much.

Deciding to let the argument with Cornelia go, I shifted my concentration back to the complicated star chart in front of me. After staring at the mass of numbers, absurdly-named constellations and fiddly diagrams, I let out a groan of despair.

"Lou, do you know how to do this?"

"Of course." Was her rapid answer, her body moving into a position like she was bracing herself for a negotiation.

I cringed, but still soldiered on, saying, "Name your price."

Louise reclined into her bean bag (which actually made her look a bit ridiculous, but I was so apprehensive to hear her condition that I daren't laugh) and brought her hands together in a menacing pose, "If I do your Astronomy, you will piggyback me to all my lessons, meals and lavatory visits for two whole weeks. Other conditions shall be confirmed after you agree."

I studied my close friend and wondered how in the hay she wasn't the leader of some massive mafia organisation. Though it was only a matter of time before she rounded up the first and second years and set them to seize control over Hogwarts, all under her able command.

"There's no way I'm doing two weeks of lugging around your fat derriere. One week." I bargained.

"One and a half, that's my final offer."

Knowing I couldn't outsmart Louise on this matter, I shook her hand in acceptance.

Time flew by as we completed questions, scribbled essays, accidentally-on-purpose spilled ink on other people ("Alanis, you absolute TOOL!" Cornelia screeched at me as I found shelter behind Isis) and made drinks, we finally diminished the intimidating pile of homework of the week.

Isis stretched out – much akin to her pet cat Jodie, who had accompanied us in our homework session - and inquired about the time.

"A quarter to four," Keira said as she yawned, "We've been here almost five hours."

Now aware of the time, my stomach grumbled in angry protest. It screamed, "How? How could you be so cruel as to not feed me for five hours? Don't you love me? WHY ALANIS, WHY?". Or at least it would have if it had vocal chords.

Hearing one of my organs mumble to me, Cornelia smirked, "Trust you to think of food."

On the radio, a muggle song called _Papa Don't Preach_ dimmed out and Adele's voice faded in as she continued chatting about nonsense.

Just as she was going to tell us the punch line to a hat joke (believe me, it was even more incredibly funny than any hat joke ever invented. Even the one about a homburg) we heard a crash in her studio and the distinct sound of gasping. There was a grapple for the microphone accompanied with a stream of profanities from Adele, and we were confronted with the annoyed tones of Filch, the caretaker.

"Right, you ruffians," he wheezed, "Those students who have just defaced the ninth floor will be in _serious_ trouble when I catch them. I will have you expelled! I will hang you by your thumbs from the Quidditch hoops! I will-"

There were grunts of a struggle and it seemed Filch had given up trying to seize the microphone from Adele and instead stormed out of the studio and after the offenders.

"Awfully sorry," our radio host apologised, sounding somewhat ruffled, "What a rude interruption! Though, to the people Filch is after – _run for your freaking lives_! He was threatening disembowelment of the nether regions."

A song by the Hobgoblins came on and Louise and I looked at each other in expectation.

"Want to check out the ninth floor?" she suggested, already knowing the answer.

"Totally."

We raced to the door and flung it open when Cornelia shouted to us, "You'd better not be seen or Filch will think it was you!"

We were already stepping out, but before either of us could speak, Louise and I were cannon-balled by three very large, very fast figures. As they rudely bashed into us, we were grabbed roughly and chucked back into the Room of Requirement, slamming the door behind them.

There was a stunned silence, followed by a yelp.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?"

My head snapped over to where a furious-looking Louise was scowling at who I remembered to be Gary from Gryffindor. He was nursing his left hand in his right and his body was covered in an array of coloured splats.

"BECAUSE YOU CLAMPED YOUR SWEATY, GOD-FORSAKEN HAND OVER MY MOUTH AND YOU WERE SUFFOCATING ME!" Lou screamed, trying to meet him at eye level, which was proving to be difficult as Lou was very small and Gary was ludicrously huge, "IT WAS ONLY A LITTLE BITE, YOU PATHETIC WHINGER!"

He towered over her threateningly and bellowed, "YOU NEARLY RIPPED MY HAND OFF!" Gary shook it under her nose quite comically and pointed to where the skin had broken, "You…You…"

"Vampire?" I supplied, "Cannibal? Lethifold? Miniature, weird, flesh-eating monster?"

The arguing pair turned to me, their expressions of outrage and confusion.

"Did I ask you to help me?" Gary spat.

"Did I ask you to help him?" Louise said with just as much venom.

"You two aren't half scary when you're angry." Said the voice of the person who had shoved me back in the room.

What do you know? Charlie Weasley, drowned in gooey colours much like his _charming_ friend. There was one purple splat on his cheek that spread from the tip of his nose to the top of his red tinted ears._ Fancy that?_

The third guy that was with Charlie and Gary smirked and rolled his eyes, equally as messy as his companions.

"Looks like you owe me five sickles, Charlie. I told you Gary wouldn't be able to go a whole day without an argument." He said, sounding amused.

I recognised him as Ben Junns from my Arithmancy class. I worked in a pair with him last year, but he never really said much. Though perhaps I did scare him a little in fourth year, since there was the little mishap where Isis _accidentally_ charmed me to act like a parakeet. I guess Ben didn't appreciate me squawking down his ear and trying to sit on his shoulder.

Meanwhile, we were all startled by a cough.

"Could someone please tell us what is going on?" Isis questioned.

Louise jumped straight in. "This eejit attacked me!"

"You were in my way!" Gary fought back.

"Children!" Cornelia's voice vibrated throughout the room, "Play nice or there'll be no ice cream for you!"

"We were running." Ben answered calmly.

"From?"

"Oh, no one in particular."

Corny folded her arms and bore her eyes into the three boys' skulls.

"Would the no one be Filch and a particular ninth floor?"

The mucky boys gaped in shock and horror.

Gary attempted to speak. "How…how did you know?"

"The Wireless knows everything," I said ominously. Louise guffawed and Charlie failed in biting back a smirk.

"Get out." Cornelia ordered.

"Say what?"

"GET OUT! We'll get in trouble if you're seen with us!"

"She's right," Keira agreed, "I don't quite like the idea of life-long toilet cleaning duty for harbouring fugitives."

"What about helping out a friend in a terrible situation?" Gary pleaded, "What about not grassing? What about aiding fellow Gryffindors in their hour of need, Cornelia? Keira?"

"I really couldn't care less about that right now, especially since this had teenage criminal disaster written all over it." Cornelia answered coldly and Keira waved a cheery goodbye.

"Fine! Leave us to fend for ourselves!" Charlie huffed.

"Show us the disaster and we'll grant you safe passage to yonder tower, damsels." I offered before my brain caught up with me.

The trio looked at me in confusion, but still took up my offer.

"Okay, sure."

Leading the boys round the back of a row of classrooms and slinking along the seventh floor, Louise whispered to me, "I hope you know I'm only coming to see the disaster and to keep you out of trouble. That Gary person is vulgar."

* * *

My first reaction was to run. Then it was to scream. I didn't want to look, but I couldn't tear my eyes away. I wanted to be as far away from here as possible.

Destroyed wasn't the word. They had completely _mutilated _the entire ninth floor. It looked like an episode of 'Houses from Hell: When the Decorator Doesn't Get Paid'. The corridor was drenched in the same gunk that covered Charlie and the others.

"This is _inhumane_. What the hell happened?" Louise gasped.

"The apocalypse, apparently."

"Gary tried to give himself highlights via magic." Ben explained.

Lou gave Gary an incredulous look. "In the middle of a corridor? What possessed you, you lunatic?"

I put my hand on his shoulder, avoiding the gooey splodges. "Do civilisation a favour and don't become a hair dresser, or an interior designer."

Many insults were thrown - mostly between Louise and Gary - as we chivalrously walked them back to Gryffindor tower.

"It seems we have reached our location!" I exclaimed ecstatically, halting in front of the Fat Lady.

"Indeed," Charlie smiled, "Thanks for that. So, I'll see you tomorrow?"

Just as he said that, a huge dollop of green gunk stretched from his hair and plopped onto the floor.

He looked mortified.

"I guess so," I said, trying not to grimace, "Have fun cleaning that out. You'd better get in the shower before Ben or Gary gets there."

His eyes widened in realisation and as he sped off through the portal he called, "See you later!"

Louise and I departed. My companion ranted and raved about 'that Gary-idiot', while I tried to block Charlie's unfortunate dripping-of-hair-that-looked-like-a-huge-bogey incident from my mind.

* * *

It was History of Magic almost a week later and Louise was asleep and drooling on her notepad – which was covered in a lesson's worth of hangman games between me and her. However, I was staring intently at Isis. Don't get me wrong, I hadn't gone gaga-lesbian over my best friend – I was just trying to figure her out. It had been two months since the day Isis had fallen from the moving staircase, yet every time I had brought it up with her, she would quickly change the subject, or suddenly have an important task that she had to do.

I had only asked her about her vision once, because she had freaked out on me. She was on the verge of tears, pleading with me not to ask her, to just leave her be.

I'd had two long moths to mull over why my own best friend – whom I shared everything with and vice versa – wouldn't tell something, and that I had been unable to predict her actions on the matter. The only thing I could think of that would be the answer to why she was so affected would be that she saw – that her vision was of – death.

* * *

The halls were adorned with garlands and holly, round every corner there hung mistletoe (extremely hazardous territory) and in the Great Hall stood the most humungous tree I've ever seen, decorated with sparkling tinsel and flickering candles.

It was Christmas time and that day I was going home to spend the holiday with my family, whom I had not seen for three whole months.

I wondered how much Lennie and Bennie would have grown, how over-worked and tired my mum and dad would be, and if Gladys had sprouted any boobs yet – the girl was so beyond late-blooming it was ridiculous.

The train ride was eventful and light-hearted, seeing as everyone was in high spirits and wonderfully festive moods and had made me even more eager to see my family and get the party season started.

Shortly after a Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Bean fight (in which Isis shoved one up Louise's nose so far that she swallowed it) the Hogwart's Express pulled into Platform Nine and Three Quarters and my stomach decided to use my insides as a trampoline.

Leaping off and bidding farewell to my friends with promises that I would see them within the next couple of days, I scanned the crowd for my family.

Not that I needed to.

A screech of "LANI!" was followed by a whooshing sound of a very fast object. Suddenly the wind rushed out of me as my little brother, Leonard, pummelled himself into my belly. Not long after my sister, Bernadette, joined him – she was only delayed because her legs were teenier than my brother's and she couldn't run fast enough to keep up with him.

"My spleen! Oh, dear Merlin, my spleen has ruptured!" I choked.

"Lennie! Bennie! Get off your sister THIS INSTANT!" My mum said sternly, even though the huge smile on her face dissolved some of the venom from her order. "How are you, darling? Look how long your hair has grown! Here, let me carry your trunk."

As my mother lead the way through the hustle and bustle of King's Cross Station, she chatted non-stop about the family, the neighbours (especially about how Mr Ninety-three had put his Christmas lights up in November – "November, the fool!") and kept telling me how nice it was to have me back again. I listened, nodding and laughing in all the right places, just generally glad to be home for Christmas, and not even minding that my two youngest siblings hung off both my arms like chimpanzees, sometimes attempting to crawl up my back when they thought mum wasn't looking.

That night was spent laughing, hugging my sisters and brother, explaining to my dad – who was a muggle and _extremely_ safety conscious – the ethics behind magic shields, and catching up on near _everything_ with Gladys into the early hours of the next day. That is, until our very angry mother came crashing into the living room at two o'clock in the morning to tell us to get our "scrawny arses into bed before I slap them so hard you'll look like baboons!"

Charming, is my mother.

* * *

I walked along the snow-covered road, shivering despite the fact I wore a home-made knitted scarf tucked into my huge duffle coat, three layers of tops, a pair of woolly leg warmers _and_ two sets of knickers.

It was three days before Christmas and it was on this day that I was starting to _really_ hate my dad for - deliberately - forgetting his lunch. I surged forward as I saw the familiar sign labelled, '_Andrew's Attic_' and sighed happily as I stepped into the warmth of the store. Quickly shedding my silver and blue bobble hat and matching mittens (the colours were the same as my favourite Quidditch team, the Appleby Arrows) I asked Jen, my dad's shop assistant, where he was.

"He's just out back, Alanis. Oh, it's lovely to see you again! How's school going?"

I replied with a smile and she asked something about O Levels. Quickly mumbling, "Yeah, I heard they taste nice" I rushed into the back of the shop.

Talking about school with muggles was a bit of hazardous ground with me. No matter how many times Gladys' explained the British muggle education system to me, I was still left confounded. Apparently, they had to make things out of wood and cook for some of their exams – _without magic!_

To avoid curious questions about my disappearances from home for the most part of the year, my parents had told muggle friends and family that I had a scholarship in a prestigious boarding school up north. However, Gladys took pleasure in telling her friends that I attended a correctional institution that was intent on keeping its inmates in line with corporal punishment and padded rooms. No surprise that her friends always seemed a tad nervous whenever I was present.

I saw my dad fawning over a table. To me it just looked like a really ancient, extremely ugly lump of wood, but to my dad it was treasure. His passion seemed to be collecting old stuff. Probably why he liked my mum.

"Hi, dad!" I greeted him cheerily and watched him straighten up, smile and push his glasses further up his nose.

It didn't surprise me how tired he looked, nor how weary. Dad spent most of his time in the antique shop he owned, and the rest of his time shut up in his study at home. I remembered when dad was my hero – he was fun and courageous and never afraid of anything. That was a very long time ago – before he became boring and cautious.

"Hullo, darling!" He peered at the plastic in my hands. "That wouldn't be the tuna sandwich that I left at home would it?"

"The very same."

His face crumpled instantly. "But I hate tuna!"

I sighed and put the box down in front of him.

"If you don't eat it, mum'll give me an earful and quite frankly, I don't quite fancy that – so act like a grown man and eat the damn thing!"

He grimaced, bringing the sandwich towards his face. "Do you really have to watch me eat?"

I cocked my eyebrow at him in my oh-so-menacing way (that only worked with my dad).

"If I don't you'll try to bury it in a plant pot. I won't make the same mistake twice!"

His shoulders drooping in defeat, he took a pitifully small bite and gulped, his face scrunched up the whole time.

I chuckled as I watched my dad struggle with his own personal hell, thinking that I could have finished the sandwich off in one bite.

After my dad had finished (and washed his mouth out several times with water), he turned to me and said, "So, are you going to that Foogey party with Gladys tonight?"

"It's F.U.G.I, dad," I corrected him. "But yeah, we are. We should be back about midnight."

"I hope you don't expect me to pick you up at that hour!" He said in his there-is-no-way-on-earth-I'm-staying-up-that-late voice.

"Of course not, dad. We're going to use the _floo_." I answered, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, as to me, it was.

Dad's shoulders drooped once again and his glasses slid a little further down his nose. "Oh, right. Yes, you'll just be using that…fire…_thingamabob_."

He shifted his weight awkwardly and his eyes swept over the entirety of the back of the shop, except for the bit I was sitting at, as he spoke to me. "Yes…well. I'll probably be late tonight so I won't be able to see you off. Have a…nice time. I must get back to work now," he kissed my cheek gingerly and trampled further into the storage part of the store.

"Bye, love." He said, waving at me without looking and disappeared amidst the stock.

I sighed in exasperation and blew my bangs out of my eyes. Magic was a touchy subject with my father. At one point, before I attended Hogwarts, he was forever annoying my mother and grandmother, asking how this worked or whether you could do that. He was _fascinated_ with the wizarding world – he acted like Augustus Gloop would in a pie shop. But now, my dad was uncomfortable with magic and also viewed it with badly concealed fear.

Making my way back to the entrance of the store, I called goodbye to Jen before flinging my scarf about my neck and braving the freezing temperatures outside to head for cosy heat of my home.

* * *

"Oh dear lord, what on _earth_ are you wearing?" My mother inquired, staring at me as I descended the stairs.

"Oh thanks, mum. That's not going to make me feel self conscious at all!" I stated, fumbling with my clothes. Perhaps the off-the-shoulder band shirt, black leggings and luminous heels weren't the best things to wear to a Christmas party? Or maybe the bold make-up matching my turquoise rara-skirt was a step too far?

"Don't listen to her, Lani'. We all know mum's an old fart with her style jammed in the sixties. I think you look gorgeous!" Gladys stated, also wearing leggings (leopard print) and a long pink pullover.

I laughed and mum morphed her face as if she had been offended. "I should ground you for that, madam!"

"Oh, as if you would! You'd never punish the prodigal child!" I scoffed, shoving items into my mother's handbag (which I was borrowing temporarily without asking). "Ready to party, darling sister of mine?"

Gladdy nodded enthusiastically and we bounded toward to living room fireplace, arm in arm.

"Keep together!" my mother called to us, "If one of you goes to the toilet, the other goes with them! Don't leave your drinks unattended!"

I clutched the ash tray we kept the floo powder in as my mother grabbed my arm and bore her eyes into mine menacingly. "If I hear tales about you stealing other people's fire whiskey and coming back as drunk as a sailor like you did last time, you will be under house arrest until you're _forty_. Understand me?"

I gulped, nodding. Taking a handful of powder and stepping into our fireplace, the last thing I saw was the smug face of my sister as I bellowed, "The Leaky Cauldron!"

Many witches and wizards will tell you that using the floo network is much more pleasant than apparition or flying. It doesn't have the danger of splinching and separating yourself in two different locations such as apparating can do, nor does it give you the bottom sores or increased chances of infidelity (wizards only) that comes with broomsticks. However, no one warned me of the horrible, sickening sensation of floo travel that neither side-along apparition or flying had on me.

I had spent my whole life in wizarding company, where floating furniture and talking inanimate objects were all common practice. But nothing had prepared me for the experience I had every time I flooed.

Speeding past numerous grates and different locations, the dread and horror built up in my chest, working its way up to my throat, ready to formulate a terrific scream. Though nothing had ever gone particularly _wrong_ while I travelled by floo, I could never shake the fear of tumbling out of the wrong fire place, or just splatting myself against a grate – plugging up the floo network for other wizarding folk, not expecting the gory, smattered remains of a teenage girl. For this reason, I could never keep my eyes closed whilst travelling.

Suddenly my journey halted, pelting me out of the fireplace and leaving me sprawled on the oak floor of the Leaky Cauldron. A moment later, my sister made her entrance and she and Tom, the innkeeper, managed to peel me from the ground.

"Nice to see you again, Alanis, Gladys," Tom greeted us with a cheery smile, "'Spect you know where to go by now. I'll be seeing you later! Perhaps you could work on your landing ready for next year's do!"

I forced on a smile – a tricky feat seeing as I had heard that last sentence for the past four years.

Dragging a chuckling Gladdy with me, I climbed the creaky wooden stairs and shoved open the door reading, "Private Function Room – F.U.G.I. Annual Gathering". The chatter that rotated throughout the room invaded our eardrums instantly and the festive mood was easily infectious.

Recognising a few faces, I waved and gave holiday greetings before I was pulled into a warm hug by the one person I had hoped to see most at the celebration.

"Oh, Alanis! It's been too long!" Jean called jovially, the scent of mulled wine already a little on her breath. "Oh, and Gladys too! You both look so old! A beautiful pair! Come, sit with me!"

We were lead through the throng of tables, Jean struggling to squeeze through one of the gaps (she was quite a big lady) and collapsed at a table with two people already sat at it – one, an aging man who looked ready to fall asleep and another so small who hid shyly behind the table that I wouldn't have noticed she was there if Jean had not put her arm around her comfortingly.

"This is Edwin," Gladys and I nodded politely to the wizard. "He's been in F.U.G.I. for almost six decades, he says!" Jean announced merrily.

The man smiled, showing a mouth void of most of his teeth. "'Aye! We used to do things a lot different in my day though! The federation used to be a monthly game of gobstones! Had to stop it though, since so many of the members used their different gifts to cheat. Was a wizard that pushed the others over the edge – used his farts to make other players pass out – there was a nasty brawl that day, I can tell you! I got this scar," he pointed to nasty cut above his left eye, "from a witch who could take off toes and juggle them. Gashed me with her big toe, she did! Chucked out soon after…"

I smiled politely and nodded with my eyes wide, hoping the somewhat loony wizard wouldn't notice how far I'd slid away from him whilst telling his story.

Jean chuckled and brought the attention to the child next to her. "And this is little Nymphadora Tonks! She's _new_."

The brown haired girl lifted her head and squeaked as soon as she realised we'd made eye contact.

"This is Alanis and her sister Gladys. Alanis has the same powers as me," Jean beamed at me, "Youngest of our kind in the world, aren't you, my dear?"

"Youngest _recorded_, Jean." I corrected her, embarrassed.

She flapped her hand dismissively. "Oh, pish posh! We would've known if there was another one anywhere, especially a young 'un. Can't keep control of our power when we're younger, can we, Alanis?" She nudged Nymphadora and leaned in as if to tell a secret, "Why, when Alanis was just six she managed to blow up a sweet shop! Didn't mean to, of course."

The girl giggled and lifted her head. I nodded in conformation.

"Bonbons _everywhere_. Even managed to get strawberry laces in my knickers, for some odd reason…"

Everyone laughed, except Edwin, who'd fallen asleep headfirst onto the table and was now drooling.

"I think I've seen you at Hogwarts; you're on the Quidditch team, aren't you? For Hufflepuff?" Nymphadora asked, straightening up a little, some of the shyness dispersed.

"Yeah, yeah, I am." I smiled. Of course this little girl knew me; my athletic prowess was certainly legend among the younger pupils of Hogwarts…

"I thought so; I've seen you at practise. You're funny; you and the Captain always get into fights, don't you. Me and my friends go down specially to watch you two argue," her face lit up. "You should do that in the matches too; they need a little comedy."

My face fell. So much for athletic prowess…

"So," I said with a slightly wry voice, "What House do you happen to be in?"

"Hufflepuff! Second year!" She announced proudly.

I was confused. "How come I don't recognise you then?"

She giggled and looked at Jean, who smiled in return and nodded. "Go on, show them!"

A comical look of concentration passed over Nymphadora's face. As I was about to ask what the floo was going on, the roots of her hair started turning a vibrant green, which then spread downwards throughout her hair. She smiled triumphantly.

"I can change everything else too, but it's easier to do my hair at the moment."

Mine and Gladys' mouths were agape.

"Metamorphagis?" Gladys asked, shocked. "I thought they were just a myth…"

"Apparently, there's quite a few in existence," Jean said and looked at me, "Lots more than _elῡvios _anyway."

I looked about the room at the somewhat drunk witches and wizards in it. I smiled, plans already formulating in my mind.

I turned to the three other females at the table. "How about we have a little fun?" I questioned.

Comprehension dawned on each of their faces, and we huddled together, ready to prank our fellow members, in full Christmas spirit.

* * *

Apparently, when drunks are confronted with a vision who they believe to be Father Christmas, they tend to react violently out of alarm. This being such, we had to rescue little Tonks from a middle aged wizard brandishing a hot poker from the fire, urge her to change back to her normal form and discard the makeshift Santa suit Jean had magicked earlier in the evening.

Whilst still cackling madly, partly from the hilarity of the evening, partly from being close to being responsible for a small girl being impaled due to a practical joke, I pushed through hoards of jolly people towards the lavatory.

I nearly got there too, before a hushed conversation caught my well trained eavesdropping ears.

"He actually went to see him? The head of SOS?" one plump witch whispered to her companions.

Another nodded. "My sister, whose one of the board of SOS said he had to speak to them about this matter urgently!"

Hearing the familiar abbreviated name for the Society of Seers, I stood at a table across from them, picking up an abandoned pumpkin juice and pretending to be interested in a portrait. It winked at me and I demonstrated a very rude gesture telling it where to go. I then peered over my shoulder back at the conversation which had caught my attention.

The lone wizard of the group looked confused. "Are you sure? Dumbledore doesn't usually interfere with the federations, why is he getting involved with the seers?"

The second witch leaned in closer. From the way she was practically bouncing in her chair, you could tell this was going to earn her big gossip points.

"It's one of his students; she's a member, you see. Gifted, she's meant to be. Apparently the visions she's been having are disturbing. He's warned the SOS to keep a close eye on her."

The two others at the table gave little 'ohhs' of interest.

"That's not all. Though my sister obviously can't release all the details to me – her job is very important - she hinted that Dumbledore had told him some of the girl's visions. Deaths, countless ones!" the witch beckoned her friends closer to her with a finger, "She keeps dreaming of an uprising. A huge war against wizards, witches and muggles alike."

Whilst the other witch gasped and clutched at her Firewhiskey – ready to down in case of needing to drown out the details of the night – the wizard snorted.

"Sounds like that girl needs a strait jacket, not attention from the federation!" He laughed cruelly, "What's the girl's name? I'll tell St Mungo's to drop in shall I?"

The witch telling the tale glared at him. "It's all fact, Gregory! And you'll only need her name, so in twenty years time when you open the paper and see it in there, I can say I told you so! It's a Miss Isis Locke, you old prune!"

I dropped my borrowed glass in shock and the people on the table jumped a mile in the air.

"Oh God, I'm sorry!" I panicked. "I need…erm…get someone….clean the mess, I, err – oh bollocks."

I waded through the people; there warm smiles no longer effecting me to the brink of festive joy. I remember only wanting to get outside, breath the air and clear my head. But when I found myself outside, along with a lot of other guests at the party, air wasn't enough.

I was moving _away_ from the Leaky Cauldron, not caring that I had left all my possessions inside and not considering the consequences that my mother would bare down upon me for leaving. I wanted to go, away from those horrid gossips, and their conversation and their uncaring remarks about _my _best friend.

It wasn't until I was far far down Diagon Alley, when I heard the confused shout of my sister, Gladys, behind me that I even realised I was running.

* * *

A/N: Ahhhh, the glorious confusion of teenagerdom, with magic thrown in! :P

You know the drill, read & review! Thanks very much for reading, you gorgeous morsels of meat :3


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Harry Potter, Humor, Romance