Harry Potter 1. The Beginning is Half the Journey

**Road Trip**   
_(a dialouge in several parts)_

**Summary: James, Sirius, Remus, Lily, Mrs. P, Mr. P, James's sister Maddy, her husband Alstair, his neighbor Nicole, and his nephew Canaan all pile into a road trip, headed for France. What madness ensues? Sequel to Sirius Black and the Muggle Radio; written in totally dialogue. **

Disclaimer: I own Nicole, Madeline Potter, Alstair, and Canaan, though I don't know why anyone would want to own that brat besides his mother and father. I also own any OCs you meet along the way. Inspired by 'The Weasley's Road Trip' by Thaila Poet. 

Notebook: The first chapter is entirely dialogue, which is partly taken from Trinity Day and is an exercise in voices for me. It may be very confusing at times, because there is no indication to who says what. Good luck! Chapter 2 is entirely dialogue also, with no speaker distinctions. As with _Girl Scouts,_ I will not post chapter 2 until there are ten reviews, which is about fair. I have made references to various other fics, such as _Girl Scouts_, _Muggle Radio_, and _The Gryffindor Oracle._ Enjoy! 

* * *

_Scene: James, Lily, Remus, Sirius, and Mrs. Potter are outside, gathered around a teal van in the driveway, surrounded by luggage. Maddy, Mr. Potter, Alstair, and Nicole are inside on a two-leveled set, with a downstairs and a loft, stairway to the left of the open front door. Canaan is nowhere to be seen on either set._

"MUM!" 

"What is it, James?" 

"You didn't pack my broom!"

"You're not allowed to take your broom!"

"We aren't?" 

"MUM! Sirius got to take _his_ broom!"

"Sirius, put it back!"

"Thanks James! But it's at the bottom of my trunk!"

"Then you better start unpacking!" 

"Has anyone seen my diary?"

"Why, what's in it Lils?" 

"Sirius, just shut up now!"

"What's it look like?"

"It's blue with gold--there it is!"

"Sirius, what did you do with my lunar watch?"

"What do you mean, Moony?" 

"PADFOOT!" 

"What's Prongs so upset about?" 

"Padfoot, hide my broom!"

"I heard that, James Potter!"

"Mum!"

"Sirius, give me my watch!"

"JAMES! Where's Maddy?" 

"Probably snogging with Alstair." 

"I dunno, Dad." 

_(Nicole comes outside, holding luggage.)_"Hey Mrs. P? Why is Nicole here?"

"She's coming with us, Sirius." 

_"What?_ but she's a Muggle! And a Goth!"

"Sirius..."

"But Mrs. P---!"

"She's our guest. Be nice."

"Mum, why did you pack colouring books? We're almost seventeen!"

"It's for Canaan!"

"Oh god."

"Thank you Moony, but I'm Sirius."

"Anything but. Who's Canaan?"

"Maddy's five-year-old temper tantrum. The child is a devil."

"JAMES!"

"Sorry Maddy!...just telling the truth, Lily should know before she signs her death warrant..."

"Lily dear, are you packed?" 

"Almost, where's the snack bag?"

"Hey Mrs. P, don't do that! That's my broom!"

"No magic, Sirius. We're traveling with a Muggle."

"A Goth Muggle!"

"What's a Goth?"

"You're happier not knowing, Moony." 

"Ignore Sirius. See the girl over there with the violet streaks in her hair? That's Nicole."

"James, why is she coming?" 

"Mum wanted to be nice."

_(Mrs. Potter holds up a radio, pulling it out of the car and making for the house. Sirius starts yelling Indian war cries and dives at her feet, almost knocking her over.)_ "YOU CAN'T TAKE MY RADIO!"

"Sirius, you are not taking that thing!"

"If the radio doesn't go, I don't go!"

"Hey, let's leave the radio!"

"Shut up, Lily! The radio comes with us!"

"**Fine!**"

"The car is teal!"

"What's wrong with teal?"

"I hate teal!" 

"You're weird, Remus." 

"James, where is Madeline?"

"I dunno."

"Oh, she ans Alstair are still inside, I think."

"Thank you, Lily. LAST CALL FOR THE W.C.!"

"Mum! You're being old! Nobody calls it the W.C. anymore!"

_(All run inside; Mrs. Potter weaves in and out between the two scenes, retreiving goods and packing things.)_"I get in first!"

"Hurry up, Padfoot!"

"Did he take a magazine?"

"Oh god."

"I'm not God, Moony." 

"You don't have to tell me, Prongs."

"I'm taking _ten_ people on a trip--five of them only sixteen. where did I go wrong?"

"We're almost seventeen, Mum!'

"Even worse!"

"Hey Remus, is Aladdin coming?"

"She'll meet us in London."

"Hurry up, Padfoot!"

"I am hurrying, Prongs!"

"Who are we waiting on?"

"Hi Maddy--Sirius decided to have a 'sit-down time.'" 

"Someone strangle that child."

"Gladly!"

"Lily, don't kill Sirius now, we've not evne got in the car yet!"

"But he's taking _for-bloody-ever!_"

"Why don't you guys go use Mum's?"

_(scramble as James, Lily, and Remus run upstairs, yelling:)_"Thanks Maddy!"

"Don't run over me!"

"Sorry Remus!"

"Hey, the door's locked! Who's in there?" 

"IT'S ME!"

"Who?"

"My nephew. Aargh."_(James bangs head against the bathroom door.)_

"Oh god."

"Moony, I already told you I'm not God."

"No need to, James."

"Hey! Lily, you're supposed to love me!"

"Not that much."

"MADDY, COME GET CANAAN OUT OF HERE!"

"Don't yell so, James!"

"Sorry, Mum!"

_(shout from below)_ "Bathroom's free!"

_(scramble as they all run downstairs; Remus gets there first.)_"Thank you, oh gracious Sirius one!"

"What would you do without me?"

"Sirius, you are just too dense to live."

"Well, I guess I can't swim then."

"Hurry up, Moony!"

"WE'RE LEAVING IN TEN MINUTES!"

_(a sudden noise comes out of nowhere, startling everyone:) "Comet! It makes your breath so clean! Comet! It tastes like Lister-ene! Comet! It makes you vomit! So try some Comet, and vomit, today!"_

"SIRIUS!"

"It's not me! Who turned on my radio?"

_"A long, long time ago, I can still remember how the music used to make me smile..."_

"HEY! It's my song! And I didnt' even turn on the radio!"

"TURN IT DOWN!"

"I don't have it, Mr. P! I swear!"

"Hey, who's radio?"

"Mine! Sirius's! Padfoot's! Who has it?" 

"Me, Nicole!"

"Turn it up!"

_(Mr. Potter, yelling:)_ "DON'T!"

"I can't hear you, Mr. P, the radio's too loud!"

"Where's Alstair?"

"Aw, Maddy misses her hubby-wubby?"

"Shut up, Sirius. I praise the girl that drags you to the altar."

"Sirius as a human sacrifice! Great idea, Maddy!"

"Don't you dare, Moony!"

"James! Hurry up or else!"

"What are you going to do, Lils?"

"Call me Lils again and you'll find out!"

"EVERYONE NOT IN THE BATHROOM IN THE CAR!"

_(James runs out of the bathroom as Lily runs in)_ "I'm here!"

"I want the back!"

"TURN DOWN THAT BLOODY RADIO!"

"Bye, bye Miss American Pie, drove my chevy to the levee but the levee was dry..."

"Sirius, leave it alone, you can't sing!"

"You're a fine one to talk, Moony!"

_"Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack Flash sat on a candlestick, cause fire is the devil's only friend..."_

_(Nicole sits up suddenly, alert at the mention of fire:)_ "Matches, who brought matches?"

_(all but Lily and Nicole:)_ "What are matches?"

"Matches, you know, you light them, they make things burn, matches!"

"Burning..."

"Nicole, don't set off Sirius's pyro side."

"This is one weird family."

_(whisper)_"Mrs. P, she's a Muggle! How can we possible live for three weeks and not give it away!?"

"We'll make do, Sirius. Now get in the back seat!"

_"Now the halftime air was sweet perfume as sargents played a marching tune, we all got up to dance, oh! but we never got the chance! Cause the players tried to take the field; the marching band refused to yield..."_

"Do you recall what was rev-ealed, the day the moo-sic di-ied!"

"Sirius---"

_(everyone:)_ "STOP SINGING!"

"Sheesh. Touchy, touchy."

_(Mrs. Potter stands up:)_"Is everyone in the car?"

"Who's driving?" 

"I want the back!"

"Alstair, now James, Sirius, be quiet for ten seconds! Roll call! James,"

"by Lily, as always,"

"Sirius," 

"Here for your convience, Mrs. P!"

"Remus," 

"Wishes to be elsehwere..."

"Don't we all. Lily?"

"wishes Sirius would shut up."

"Hey!"

"Nicole?"

"I can't here you Mrs. Potter, the music's too loud!"

"Then turn it down!"

"Hey, don't turn it down!"

"Sirius, be quiet! You three quit! Maddy, Alstair, your father, me...wait. Canaan?"

"UNCLE JAMES!"

"There he is."

"Hey, I'm Uncle James!"

"It's his new word for today."

"Oh great. Maddy, pleeeaaaasssseeee...."

"UNCLE JAMES!"

"Are we there yet?"

_(silence.)_

(everyone:) "SIRIUS, SHUT UP!"

* * *

**End Notes:** Queen of Tie-Dye, you had said that Sirius hated Goths, but you were a Goth. Well, Sirius starts to change his opinion in this story towards Nicole, though she won't end up as a fling-of-the-week. All right. All is un-beta-ed, so review review review (times ten). I won't post chapter 2 until I get ten reviews. Love ya all, Abi


	2. Sirius Problems

**Road Trip: A Comedy In Several Dialogues**   
_(a dialouge in several comedies)_

**Chapter Two: Sirius Problems  
(subtitled: why taking Sirius on a trip with nine other people, four of them teenagers and one of them six years old, is a really, really bad idea)**

**Summary: James, Sirius, Remus, Lily, Mrs. P, Mr. P, James's sister Maddy, her husband Alstair, his neighbor Nicole, and his nephew Canaan all pile into a road trip, headed for France. What madness ensues? Sequel to Sirius Black and the Muggle Radio; written in totally dialogue. **

Disclaimer: I own Nicole, Madeline Potter, Alstair, and Canaan, though I don't know why anyone would want to own that brat besides his mother and father. I also own any OCs you meet along the way. Inspired by 'The Weasley's Road Trip' by Thaila Poet, which is great. Go read it. As usual, JK owns all else. 

Notebook: As with _Girl Scouts,_ I will not post chapter 3 until there are ten reviews, which is about fair. I have made references to various other fics, such as _Girl Scouts_, _Muggle Radio_, and _The Gryffindor Oracle._ Enjoy! 

* * *

_(Scene: Everyone is loaded into the van: Sirius, James, Lily in the back seat, Remus, the radio, and Nicole in the next seat, then Mr. and Mrs. Potter and Canaan, Alstair and Maddy in the front.) _

"I'm bored."

"Sirius, I haven't even started the car yet."

"Are you going to be like this the whole way?"

"Don't complain Moony, at least you're not sitting by him." 

"UNCLE JAMES!"

"Yes, Canaan?"

"Play with me!"

"Get Uncle Sirius to play with you!"

"Hey, I'm not his uncle!"

"Sure you are, Padfoot."

"PLAY WITH ME!"

"Maddy, how do you turn this thing off?"

"Leave your uncles alone, Canaan!"

"Yeah, go bug Uncle Remus!"

"Hey!"

"I want them to PLAY WITH ME!"

""Aww. Come sit by me, Canaan, I'll play with you." 

"Oh sure, Lily, make us look bad." 

"I come by it naturally."

"It's so easy to do."

"Oh, shut up, Maddy. You're supposed to love us."

"Um, no. I have to love James, the rest of you I could care less about."

"MOMMY!" 

"Yes, Canaan?"

"I havea go pee!"

"Alstair, back the car up, quick!"

"Calm down, Mrs. Potter!"

"You're the grandmother, Mum. You spoil him. What were you doing in Grandmum's bathroom, Canaan?"

"I HAVEA GO PEE!"

"Somebody shut it off!"

"Lily, we are never having one of these things."

"What makes you think I want to reproduce with you anyway?"

"Ooh, harsh there Lily."

"My good looks, of course. You know you want me."

"Don't make me laugh."

"What?!"

"Er, James, that's one battle you can never win."

"Shut up, Moony, your girlfriend isn't even here."

"What about me?"

"Sirius, you never keep a girlfriend more than a week. You don't count."

"Hey, I went out with Sarah for a week and three days."

"That's not a girlfriend. That's a fling-of-the-week."

"Oh."

"What are you boys talking about back there?"

"I HAVEA GO PEE!"

"Nothing, Mrs. P!"

"Come on, Canaan!"

_(Maddy takes Canaan back in the house, offset)_"Take him, Maddy!"

"Turn the radio up!"

"Don't!" 

"Sorry Mr. P, I can't hear you because the radio is too loud!"

"I'm beginning to see some frightening similarities between Nicole and Sirius."

"Uh, no. I'm not Goth."

"And you're not a girl!"

"And you're not best friends with James!"

"And I'm not annoying."

"And I don't have a gossipy mum!"

"And I don't live with my best friend!"

"And I...I'm not wearing a black shirt!"

"Yes you are, Padfoot."

"Oh. Well, I don't have black hair!"

"Um, yes you do, Padfoot--"

"--with purple streaks!"

"I don't have a dumb nickname!"

"Hey! Well, at least I don't have black fingernails!"

"And I don't--"

"You two shut up!"

"Wow, they really do have a lot in common!"

_(both)_"Aaargh!"

"We can't take Sirius anywhere."

"Even on vacation, he finds a fling of the week."

"I resent that! I would never go out with this annoying loser."

"Hey! Like I would go out with a purple-haired freak?"

"Um, Maddy, wasn't this how James and Lily started out?"

_(both)_"Aargh!"

"You know Moony, you and Snape would make an awesome couple."

"Okay Sirius, you are going down!"

"Aah!"

"Boys, Boys! Not now!"

"PLAY WITH ME!"

"Oh god, he's back!"

"Not again!"

"Are we even out of the driveway yet?"

"We're almost to the end of the street!"

"How do you know, Lily, you're in the back!"

"I can see Nicole's house."

"Ugh. Hide me from Mum. Please."

"What, you don't like your own mum?"

"She doesn't like me."

"I can't imagine why."

"Sirius, be nice."

"Aww, Lily!"

"No, I don't care. I don't dress like this so people will like me."

"Quite the opposite, in fact."

"Sirius. Don't make me bring up Fiona Landon."

"Lily, you wouldn't!"

"Who's Fiona Landon?"

"A girl from school. Sirius got caught--"

"LILY DON'T YOU DARE!"

"Are you threatening my girlfriend?"

"QUIET DOWN BACK THERE!"

"Sorry Mr. P! Geez James, tell her to quit bringing up Fiona Landon!"

"You think she listens to me?"

"Hmm. Good point."

"Padfoot, you know nothing about women."

"Hey! Remember the girl scouting method in fifth year?"

"My point exactly."

"Shut up, Moony."

_(Lily and Nicole:)_ "Girl scouting method?"

"You don't want to know. You really don't want to know."

"No, James Potter, I think I do. Did this have anything to do with me?"

"Um...no?"

"We are finally out of the subdivision!"

"Yay! Woot Alstair!"

" 'Woot'?"

"It's a word. Like 'yay' or something."

"Woot?"

"Woot."

"Woot!"

"Like that!"

"I love this song!"

"Hey Padfoot, you don't have to climb over me to get to it!"

"Do you boys have your seatbelts buckled?"

"What are seatbelts?"

"Aargh!"

"Blarg."

"Blarg?"

"It's my word. What is this song?"

_"Somebody fine me somebody to love.."_

"Hey, it's Queen! I have this album!"

"Who?"

"The band is called Queen."

_"I worked hard (he works hard!) every day of my life, I work and I ate my bones!"_

"At the end! At the end of the day I take home--"

"Sirius, SHUT UP!"

"Geez! You people don't appreciate real music!"

"You mean real noise?"

"coughPadfootcan'tsingcough,"

"Hey Moony, you need a coughdrop?"

"SOMEBODY PLAY WITH ME!"

"Not this again!" 

"Maddy, turn it off!"

"Remember this when you have kids, James and Lily!"

"Maddy, where did you go wrong?"

"SOMEBODY PLAY WITH ME!"

"That's assuming a lot, Maddy."

"That's assuming James lives that long!"

"Is that a threat, Mum?"

"I brought you into this world, I can take you out!"

_"Somebody find me somebody to love, somebody, somebody! somebody, somebody! somebody find somebody find me somebody to love! Can anybody find me..."_

"Some-body to-oo loo-oo-ove!"

"Sirius! The bad diva in disguise!"

"Agh, that was just bad!"

"SOMEBODY PLAY WITH ME!"

"Hey kiddo, I'll play with you if you find me _(singing)_ somebody to-oo lo-oo-ove!"

"MUMMY! Uncle Seris is scaring me!"

"_What?_"

"That is the story of your life, Padfoot."

"What?"

"Exactly."

"I don't understand."

"Which is exactly why it makes so much sense."

"James, are Remus and Lily making fun of me?"

"Nobody could make fun of you, Sirius. You're too...Sirius."

"James! Baaad!"

"Ow! I didn't deserve to be hit in the head for it!"

"Say who?"

"Me!"

"When did you count?"

"Are we there yet?"

"SOMEBODY PLAY WITH ME!"

"Oh god..."

"Yes?"

"Just--shut up."

* * *

**Notebook:** Next chapter is called: **Chapter Three: We'll Leave the Light on For You...Adventures at Motel Eight. ** _Subtitled: that madness that ensues when you just dumped everyone into hotel rooms and throw a Goth girl into a swimming pool._ Point on this chapter:  
•I don't know if they had Goths in the seventies, but it's too late to change it now. Just...pretend. Call it slightly AU.  
•For Jade: I revised this for you. I didn't have MS word on the computer where I typed this, sorry about the typos. Canaan calls Sirius 'Seris' for future notes, though.  
•I might re-write this in script format; it'd be really easy to do. Vote on it, see what you think.   
•Moony & Nicole say more than you think they say: a lot of the unidentified lines are actually there's. Have fun and review! Love, Abigail 


End file.

Harry Potter, Humor