Tales of the Tea Shop: Azula and the Director

**Tales of the Tea Shop**

**Azula and the Director**

"Who would give their kid the first name _M._ and the middle name _Night?_" Karo picked up the newspaper from the front porch and turned to the page that listed the local selection of Nickelodeon shows, plays and concerts.

"Karo Roku Zhao?" Azula replied as she picked up the mail. She felt the need to point out middle names seldom made sense, never got used and served mainly as initials on formal documents. "Azula Botan Kai? Who is this _Night M._ guy anyhow?"

"The new director of the Ember Island Players." Karo felt the cold autumn wind through his red night robe and pushed through the front door of the house. "The Ember Island Players wish to announce their new production of_ The Last Airbender_ directed by _M. Night_ - some long name I could make no credible attempt to pronounce."

"_The Last Airbender_?" Azula looked at the paper. "I had hoped the Ember Island Players would have gone away when their island blew up but I do not have that kind of luck."

"Not a fan?" Karo folded the paper under his arm and shivered as the cold autumn air blew past his night robe.

"No." Azula pushed Karo through the door when he didn't move quickly enough for her. "Have you ever seen one of their plays?"

"No. Have I been spared something awful?" Karo sat on the couch with the paper.

"They push awful past the borderlines of _God_ and toward _I wish I could break my own neck_. They stage the kind of plays your mother takes you to in order to make you into a cultured person." Azula sifted through the mail and dropped it on the coffee table. "They have culture in the same sort of way a mad poet has culture because he has syphilis."

"They don't mention mad poets in the copy." Karo stared at the newspaper. "The heroic story of the voyages of _Avatar Aang_. Witness the dramatic tale of the adventures of our beloved _Avatar _when he returned to save the world."

"They used the Albertus font." Azula sat next to Karo and read the ad in the paper. "They only use Albertus when they want to fake quality."

"Or in _The Prisoner_ series of graphic novels." Karo handed Azula the paper.

"Give _M. Night_ some time to work his magic on those in dramatic form." Azula picked up a pencil and began to work the puzzle page.

"Our alderman wants our vote." Karo read off a printed brochure that highlighted the alderman's accomplishments. Karo wondered how much the professionally done brochure had cost the taxpayers the alderman had dutifully sent it to in the mail. "Fall in the air and the politicians have started to kiss up to the voters."

"Is this the one you call the incompetent boob or the communist knob?" Azula asked. "Or incompetent knob or communist stooge – I forget your system of classifying politicians."

"He's a communist stooge." Karo opened a letter addressed to him and handed Azula a postcard that had come in the mail.

"Kai, Azula B." Azula read off the card. "An elector of the _Corporation of the City of Ba Sing Se_. Your polling station is 167 – _North Canal Field High School_. Present this card to the polling clerk on voting day. Sounds ominous."

"You get to vote at my high school." Karo held out the same card he had received. "My mother got one as well. You will enjoy the aura of teenage angst and despair and possibly sweaty socks."

"Zhao, Lady?" Azula looked over the post card intended for Lady Zhao. "I don't think you have ever told me your mother's first name."

"Oh?" Karo said somewhat apologetically. "Shame on me."

Fat Boy Restaurants had _The Last Airbender_ free toy merchandising tie in and promoted the play by giving away cast metal figurines that looked nothing like the actors or the people depicted in the play. Karo had noticed the Katara figurine bore a striking resemblance to a fat middle aged lady. Aang looked like a small woman. Appa had four not six legs. Azula sat across the table from Karo and stacked the metal figurines in rude positions.

"I keep wondering." Azula dropped the Aang figure into her cup of red fizzy drink. "What will happen first? Will we collect all of the action figures for _The Last Airbender_ or die of a massive grease induced heart attack?"

"That toy probably has lead in the paint." Karo cautioned Azula as he read off the paper place mat. "The red fizzy soda most certainly contains mercury."

Katara had already seen the insult of an action figure and yet decided against litigation. She smelled the Fat boy odor of grease down the block and she knew she stood a good chance of finding Azula or Karo in their favorite greasy spoon. She hated the food and the eating environment but for some reason Azula and Karo found it quite pleasant. She entered the restaurant and strode up to Azula.

"You look angry." Azula stated the obvious as Katara stood and tapped her fingers.

"Uncle Iroh rented the cottage to me." Katara said coldly.

"Yes." Azula spoke as if she accepted the previous statement as a fact.

"So?" Katara pushed on Azula's left shoulder. "I understand you deal with raccoons?"

"Maybe." Azula stared at the bubbles forming around the action figure she had dropped into her red soft drink.

"I woke up this morning." Katara said in an icy voice.

"Beats not waking up." Azula swished her drink and watched the metal toy clank around inside the cup.

"I woke up and had a pleasant visit with _Mr. Night_ the director of the Ember Island Players." Katara scowled. "We had tea at the tea shop and he asked me about my travels with the Avatar and he spent some time with Uncle Iroh talking with him about his experiences of the War and _The Order of the White Lotus_."

"Okay?" Azula raised her eyebrow.

"I went to my cottage to find some items I thought _Mr. Night_ might find interesting and I found a raccoon sleeping on my bed." Katara scowled. "He had fallen through my ceiling along with a whole pile of that gray fluffy stuff."

"Asbestos." Azula told Katara. "The name of the gray fluff. Our attic fluff is yellow and I have no idea what that could be."

"I have a raccoon sleeping on my bed!" Katara lifted her hand. "When he sees me he hisses and howls at me and then he shreds my bedding with his claws!"

"Why not do some fancy water bending and cut it in two?" Azula advised quietly. "Freeze it in a block of ice."

"I tried freezing it in a block of ice to subdue it and tried to knock it out with several water bending attacks?" Katara sat down on a chair and threw her arms up with utter frustration. "I have the raccoon from the fifth ring of hell tearing my room apart. It can dodge my attacks and still manage to shred my room."

"You need me to kill it." Azula had a smirk on her face that disturbed Karo.

"Maybe we can get rid of it?" Katara found herself out of ideas. "Maybe some scary lightning action to distract it?"

"I can't use fire bending on it: it's coated with fireproof asbestos." Azula stood up. "Can Karo come along or would a raccoon scare him too much?"

"How do you like your raccoon? Fried, baked or electrocuted?" Karo picked up the Appa action figure that came with his food. Azula picked up her drink and they left the Fat Boy restaurant.

_Hiss!_

Azula related to the deep inner rage the raccoons of Ba Sing Se. They lived contained within the walls of the city and had come to resent their confinement. The Fire Nation had tried all sorts of inventive ways to cull the raccoons but instead they succeeded in selecting for psychotic tendencies. The Fire nation soldiers conducted raccoon patrols but only the timid, slow, sociable ones proved dumb enough to remain out in the open with humans around. This left a population of cunning, human loathing, hate filled, deeply angry raccoons to carry on their genome.

This raccoon had made a hole in the ceiling, scattered the itchy gray fluff all over the room and shredded Katara's delicate light blue bed linens. It foamed at the mouth and bared its teeth constantly at the sight of any motion including a fair amount that only it saw.

"You know the city has animal control officers for this?" Azula shut the door with a slam. The raccoon could be heard through the door as it continued on with a hissing rage. "Uncle Iroh owns the cottage – can't he deal with it?"

"He has to work the noon lunch rush and if I wait for him to have some time it will destroy all my things." Katara backed out as the hissing grew in intensity.

"What happened to that famous Water Tribe bravery?" Azula backed away and gently pulled Karo back.

"Alive and well." Katara snapped at Azula. What happened to Fire Nation courage?"

"Wow! That little furry bastard can move!" Azula stood back and watched it as it ran back and forth across the room as if on fire. She ignored Katara's slight for the moment.

"Kill it: no one will miss it." Karo began to think this had all become too ponderous an affair for his liking.

"I _tried_ to get rid of it! I know many water bending forms and trained at the hands of Master Pakku. I couldn't even manage to land a blow on it!" Katara stated bluntly as she stood at a distance she considered safe. "I brought Azula for her raccoon killing prowess. I seem to remember a story about how a raccoon fell to Princess Azula."

"Who knew raccoons could explode." Azula scratched her forehead.

"It wants to kill you." Karo reminded Katara uncomfortably as he stood on the other side of the doorway waiting for the two girls to decide to do something not exceptionally moronic. "We have an epidemic of rabies in the raccoons of the city. They go mad and then die."

Karo walked off.

"Where do you think you're going?" Azula handed Katara's mail to her.

"I seem to remember Uncle Iroh had a cross bow." Karo entered the back of the tea shop. He came back a few moments later with an ornate antique Fire Nation cross bow that was taller than he was.

"Anyone know how to operate this thing?" Karo held out four two meter long bolts and propped the cross bow against the garden shed.

"Give it over." Azula motioned.

"You want to shoot the raccoon with that thing!" Katara protested.

"We tried negotiation." Azula began turning the crank on the cross bow as she held it to the ground. "Now we call in the Raccoon SWAT team."

"When I signal you, open the door." Azula placed a bolt in the cross bow and looked over to Karo.

_Thwack!_

A metal cross bow bolt stuck in the door next to Karo and he turned white. The heavy wooden door stood for a moment and then slowly fell off its hinges into the cottage.

"What the freaking hell!" Karo yelled out. "You didn't tell me to open the door!"

"I nodded!" Azula had fallen backwards from the kick of the cross bow. "I nod when I signal!"

"A nod! You scared the raccoon might overhear us talking and clue into our plans!" Karo yelled and moved to the side of the door. "You nearly nailed my head to the door!"

"Not one of our better moments." Azula said calmly as she cranked the cross bow.

_Hiss!_

The raccoon stood at the edge where the door once stood.

"I have lived a nice rabies free life." Karo looked down at the raccoon looking up at him. The raccoon growled, hacked up some gray fluff he had ingested in his trip through the attic and then hissed once more.

_Thwack!_

The raccoon took notice of the fact the amber eyed lady had taken a pot shot at him. He didn't rate his chances of fighting three humans as high so he decided to go after the shorter male with glasses standing by the door. He lunged at Karo who screamed like a girl as the raccoon tore into his left leg. Azula had not hit the raccoon but had impaled Katara's large blue backpack that hung off the bed. The raccoon hissed as it ran off to hide behind the garden shed.

"I have felt a new kind of hurt." Karo looked down at the gore that had once been his thigh. "And the bugger had ruined my pants."

"You will be fine." Katara said as she helped Karo into the cottage.

"I hope the raccoon doesn't come back." Azula picked up a wad of the gray fluff used as attic insulation and tossed it in the air.

"First things first." Katara propped up Karo in a chair. "We need to take Karo to a doctor."

"Can't you heal him with your witch water bending powers?" Azula had a fascination with asbestos and she kept tossing it in the air.

"He needs to have proper treatment so he doesn't get rabies or tetanus." Katara pressed her hands on Karo's leg and Karo winced as her hands glowed a bright blue. "I can heal his wounds but the raccoon could have some kind of disease. We don't want Karo dropping dead of foaming dog fever."

"Or asbestosis." Azula said.

"I need how many shots?" Karo stood in his Fire Nation red underwear and glared at the doctor. "Did I hear a 'teen after the eight?"

"I can forgo the shots." The doctor didn't look very much older than Karo but stood a full head taller and had shaved his head bald and wore an Earth Kingdom tattoo. He held up a chart to the light and then sat at the desk and made a few notes. "When you die a painful death and rabies dissolves your brain then you will have a nice cold slab in our morgue."

"You have a unique way of selling me on the idea." Karo sighed.

Karo screamed like a girl. Azula sat in the waiting room and had braced herself for his earsplitting cry of pain. Katara had not.

"What was that?" Katara stood up. "I didn't think the doctor would hurt him that much."

"A tetanus shot." Azula had a newspaper in her hands. "Sit down."

"He sounds in real pain." Katara heard a few words of complaint from the next room.

"The same guy says: _'Ew! Ew! Wasp! Get it away from my face!'_ and dances like a little girl when he sees a bee." Azula didn't look up from the newspaper. "Courage in the face of pain is not his thing. If you wondered what happened to Fire Nation courage; it died with him. On the other hand he has a genius for hiding in small, out of the way places."

"Did you read the article on _M. Night_ – name that can't be pronounced?" Katara pointed at the Entertainment section of the newspaper Azula had set aside. "They wrote a page long article on his life."

"What does the _M_ stand for?" Azula asked.

"_Merchant of Cabbage_." Katara picked up the Entertainment section and scanned it for that nugget of information. "He began his career by selling cabbage then he worked in craft services. He began writing horror plays after the War. His most successful play involved a young boy turned to a zombie by a demon possessed raccoon."

"Yeow." Karo muttered something but the door to the examination room muffled his painful utterance. Katara wore a look of concern on her face.

"You aren't kidding!" Azula read from the paper where Katara pointed. "I'll have to check Karo's pulse and keep the cross bow handy."

"Ow!" A fully clothed Karo came out escorted by the good doctor who seemed surprised that a college student could have screamed at such a high pitch. Karo clutched an informative brochure that describe the rabies vaccine in his hand. "I have to have eighteen shots over three weeks! Eighteen! Or I get foaming dog fever."

"I want to see you tomorrow for your next shot." The doctor patted Karo on the back. "Go home and rest and avoid racoons."

"You might want to read this." Azula grabbed the paper and handed it to Karo and carefully pointed to the part of the _M. Night_ biography mentioning the zombie boy."

"According to this." Azula stood next to Karo and decided to torment him some more and held his wrist to check his pulse. "You have no pulse."

"Azula?" Karo asked quietly as he stood in her doorway.

"It is one in the morning." Azula rolled over in her bed. "I remind you to make your explanation exceedingly good."

"I hear something in the basement." Karo added.

"Mitsumi eating bugs?" Azula yawned.

"He has fallen asleep on my bed." Karo answered.

"Zombie Communists?" Azula turned her head away from the door. "You have to take care – they are everywhere you know."

"Must you make me paranoid?" Karo complained. "Ever since I read that article in the paper I can't stop checking my pulse."

"If I get up I had better have someone to kill." Azula growled and sat up on her bed.

Karo led Azula down the stairs to the top of the basement stairs. They could both hear rattling noises coming from the basement.

"Someone left the basement light on." Karo pulled back from the top of the stairs and whispered to Azula. "What if our friend the rabid raccoon came back for revenge?"

"And he can operate a light switch?" Azula whispered as she pushed Azula ever so gently ahead of her. "They do have opposable thumbs but you don't need that to flip a switch."

"Hello?" Karo called out. "We have a phone and can call the police!"

"Oh! For crying out loud." Azula pushed past Karo and stood at the bottom of our stairs.

"A man in fancy Earth Kingdom robes is rooting through the cardboard boxes in the basement." Azula shouted back up.

"What on Earth for?" Karo walked down the steps. The man looked about forty with a dark complexion and dark short hair and had several boxes of papers open and had sorted through the contents.

"My research remains incomplete!" The man held up a handful of old gas bills.

Azula hated waking up in the middle of the night and to save the usual in depth questioning decided to hit the man over the head with a brick from a pile stacked in the corner in case the house needed repairs. It made a dull thump and the man dropped to his knees and fell over.

"He came in through the basement window by kicking it in." Azula dragged the man by his feet. "What could he possibly want from this place?"

"I should pick up his head." Karo held his arms as they struggled up the stairs. "You hit him with a brick. He could sue us if he develops some kind of weird brain injury and thinks he's a hat."

"Look at his fancy clothes." Azula pulled the man up the stairs. "He has some importance."

"You probably killed him." Karo struggled to seat him on a dining room chair.

"He hasn't stopped breathing." Azula began searching the man.

"What are you two doing?" Lady Zhao had woken up from the noise in the basement and stood at the dining room entrance. "Who is this man?"

"He broke into the basement and Azula hit him on the head with a brick." Karo answered with some level of confusion.

"_M Night_ – whoever." Azula held out the wallet as she removed the money from it and tucked it in her night robe. "Look. Director of the Ember Island Players."

"And we killed him." Karo looked to his mom.

Azula slapped the man.

"Huh?" The man felt his forehead. "Ow!"

"Old gas bills, letters and a dozen years of my report cards?" Karo looked at the man. "Why?"

"I came to research the character Princess Azula for the next play I plan to produce." The man replied as he rubbed his head. "I found out the Princess of the Fire Nation lived here with the wife of the late Admiral Zhao and her son."

"Can I get another brick?" Azula asked somewhat seriously. "What do you wish to know?"

"You held the highest position as the favored daughter of Fire Lord Ozai." The man cleared his throat. "Can I have some ice?"

"We have a package of sea cumquats in the freezer." Lady Zhao opened the icebox. "Put this on your bruise."

"I'm getting another brick!" Azula began to stomp off with the serious intent of removing the man's ability to speak without drooling.

"I wanted to know more about you but you never kept a diary and you remain a mystery to many outside the royal family. My plays try to market themselves as true depictions of historical events and so I did much research when I decided to produce the trilogy of plays." The man sat at the table and held the frozen vegetables to his throbbing head. "I have to compete with the local Nickelodeons and movies have more of a sense of immediacy."

"You broke into our basement." Lady Zhao complained in her own quiet way. "I may have to call the police on you and have you explain yourself to them."

"I had hoped to find something from those days." The man said with surprising calm considering he probably had full knowledge of the things Azula could have done with a brick. "I want my play to have authenticity."

"Lack of authenticity never bothered the Ember Island Players before." Azula stood across the table from the man with her hands crossed. "You wrote a play about a boy who became a zombie after a raccoon bite."

"I based that on my experience as a child when I got bitten by a raccoon." The man said proudly.

"So you're a zombie?" Karo felt Azula nudge him in the side as soon as he asked.

"Uh no." The man said cautiously.

"Can we get back to the damage you did to my house?" Lady Zhao spoke with growing impatience.

"I will pay for repairs and throw in free theater tickets for you and a few of your friends?" The man bowed politely.

"I'm getting another brick." Azula hissed.

"I want a waffle iron." Karo put up his hand. "Throw in a waffle iron."

"I have a sore stomach." Karo complained as he returned to the university cafeteria after his trip to the doctor for another rabies shot. Azula sat at a table and sipped tea while she reviewed her notes from her morning classes.

"First step in becoming a writer of plays." Azula reminded Karo. "Or the slobbering undead."

"I still have a pulse." Karo took a seat at the table.

"Your mom let that weirdo off the hook." Azula had a look of vague disgust on her face. "I still wish I had a second brick."

"Did I say I have a stomach full of dead rabies germs and I don't think this is a natural state for my stomach." Karo placed his black backpack next to his chair and put his head in his hands. "I swear the doctor has picked the largest needle available to medical science and filled it with dead germs."

"I have another happy thought." Azula said as she wrote in her notebook. "Do you know they kill rabbits and rip out their nervous system to make the vaccine for rabies?"

"Tell me?" Karo did not look up from the table or open his eyes. "If you saw me at the edge of a large building preparing to jump would you talk me down? Or would you take your time to explain how the street cleaner would have problems cleaning up the grease spot left behind?"

"Will you go if we have free tickets?" Azula asked Karo.

"Free seldom means cheap." Karo turned his head slightly but did not open his eyes. "Remember that if we go we won't get those three hours of our lives back. Why do you think I asked for a waffle iron?"

Katara pushed past the line of students fetching what the University of Ba Sing Se cafeteria called food and headed for the table. She banged her blue knapsack on the table and startled Karo.

"I found the raccoon this morning." Katara announced with some sadness in her voice.

"Alive and frisky?" Karo asked with a hopeful tone in his voice. "Full of vim and vigor."

"He crawled behind the tomato plants in Iroh's garden and tried to eat his front paws." Katara said seriously. "We found him dead with his severed left paw in his mouth."

"Stay on that end of the table." Azula waved at Karo.

"How could anything eat its own paws?" Karo looked pale and astonished.

"Have you attended a performance of the Ember Island Players?" Azula did not look concerned. "The Ember Island Players – you'll envy the dead. The Ember Island Players – even your dog won't like them. The Ember Island Players – we can't act and it shows."

Lady Zhao had a subtle means of seeking revenge on _M. Night_ for his intrusion into her home. He had promised to replace the window and Lady Zhao figured the dark basement could use more natural light and included an order for three more windows in the basement with the window contractor. Since she didn't have to foot the bill; it made perfect sense to remodel a bit. Karo and Azula came home to find workers from the Midori Window Company digging holes and removing bricks from the double brick foundations of the house. A workman squatted in the driveway cutting a steel beam into two meter lengths with an air powered circular saw. A loud air compressor with a blue air tank roared as it sat on the street and worked away.

"A parcel addressed to the Zhao household." Azula always made it to the mail first and she delicately made her way past the workmen as Karo blundered across hoses, bricks and lumber and finally entered the front door where Azula stood. "The communist stooge wants our vote according to this advert and Sokka sent you a letter."

"What could Sokka want?" Karo broke the wax seal and read off the paper inside.

"_Mr. Night_ sent us a package by express post." Azula shook the small tan cardboard box covered with stickers as she took a seat on the couch in the living room. She had a measure of sarcasm in her voice. "I wonder what it could be?"

"That is far too small to be a waffle iron." Karo spoke wistfully as he read the letter from Sokka. He knew the tickets had arrived and if the Ember Island Players proved as awful as Azula claimed then rabies would be the least of his torments.

"What does Water Tribe boy have to say?" Azula pulled on the tape that sealed the box.

"He plans to move here with Suki and they wish to attend Ba Sing Se University. The War has ended and the Kyoshi Warriors now have to find other ways of making a living." Karo folded the letter and placed it on the coffee table.

"I buy the calendars." Azula mentioned casually. "I guess that isn't lucrative enough."

"They want help finding a place to live in Ba Sing Se. Nothing too extraordinary or interesting." Karo waited as Azula slowly opened the box

Lady Zhao leaned over Azula and moved the heavy red curtain to one side and peered out to check on the progress of the workmen. Azula could hear workmen downstairs moving things.

"We have four tickets to _The Last Airbender_." Azula placed them on the coffee table as she bent her body around Lady Zhao. "And here is one gift certificate good for one waffle iron at the Appliance Hut."

"At least he's picking up the tab for new windows." Lady Zhao pulled away from the window.

"We don't have to go to the theater." Karo suggested helpfully. "Can't we just pick up our shiny new waffle maker and make waffles?"

"Did I get any mail?" Lady Zhao picked up the letter from Sokka that Karo left on the coffee table.

"Our alderman wants our vote." Karo answered. "Not that there is a chance he will get it."

"Sokka and Suki need a place to live?" Lady Zhao picked up the letter Karo had dropped onto the coffee table. "I have always wanted an excuse to finish the basement."

"I do not like the look on your face." Karo gave his mother a sideways glare. "Azula has that look when she does something rash."

"When do I do anything rash?" Azula looked at Karo. "Nearly killing you with that crossbow to rid the cottage of the raccoon fit into my intricate and well conceived plans."

"And the rabies shots?" Karo grumbled.

"They make the serum from the dried out brains of bunnies." Azula sneered. "I hate bunnies."

"I could finish the basement at _M. Night's_ expense." Lady Zhao began. "I could have a nice one bedroom suite built down there for Sokka and his wife and collect a nice rent."

"No! By all that we regard as good in the world no!" Karo shook her mother but Lady Zhao had already made up her mind to proceed.

"Karo?" Lady Zhao began quietly. "Write Sokka and Suki and tell them we have an apartment for them to rent and I will let the place to them."

Karo pounded his head against the wall next to the door.

"I will negotiate with the workmen about completing the basement." Lady Zhao smiled.

"Unethical and fraudulent." Azula sat on the couch and smiled broadly. "All things I like."

"Karo?" Azula knocked on the basement that Saturday morning at half past seven in the morning. Since she normally slept until ten this made for an extraordinary event.

"I will be done in a few minutes." Karo yelled back through the door as he stood in his red boxers and brushed his teeth.

"I hear loud banging." Azula shouted through the door. "Where is your demented lemur?"

"Asleep in the laundry basket." Karo put down his toothbrush. "Why?"

"I hear something." Azula yelled back. Karo could hear the loud noises but he had seen the workmen begin work at seven that morning. "I didn't even know the sun came up this early and I hear banging!"

"Carpenters." Karo yelled out as a loud saw began to rip wood apart. "They started work at seven."

Azula stomped down the stairs in her fancy red night robe. She gave an evil look full of poison to two men hauling two by four lumber into the house.

"Can I speak with the foreman?" Azula asked one of the workmen.

"He's downstairs checking the plans. He's the man with the blond mustache." The man inside the house answered blandly.

Lady Zhao knew Azula well enough to sense things may not go well for the foreman and she watched Azula carefully as the Princess walked calmly down the stairs.

Azula approached the foreman – a fat short middle aged man with a bushy blond mustache but a bald head. She saw the workers putting up two by four walls around the perimeter of the basement.

"What is going on?" Azula asked the foreman.

"We are building walls." The foreman held the plans for the basement in his hands as he inspected the work.

"We _have_ walls!" Azula answered back sarcastically. "Do you see those things with the stacked bricks? What do you think they are? Square ostrich horse eggs? A mysterious pattern left by aliens that once visited Earth?"

"We need to build interior walls to insulate the space." The man held onto his polite nature.

"We like to sleep in on Saturdays!" Azula protested as Lady Zhao caught up to her. "You do know this?"

"Now please." Lady Zhao held onto Azula's hands. "Don't kill anyone."

"It is seven in the morning on a weekend." Azula huffed but found she had run out of energy. "Who does anything at this time?"

Lady Zhao shoved Azula into Karo's room. Karo sat at his desk and leafed through the morning paper.

"What did she do?" Karo asked as Mitsumi perched on his shoulder and preened his well groomed hair.

"Tried to kill a carpenter." Lady Zhao let go of Azula.

"Tried." Azula felt the need to repeat. "Didn't succeed."

"Did you tell her we have a matinee performance of _M. Night's_ latest play." Karo asked cautiously as Mitsumi pulled at his hair.

"I leave that to you." Lady Zhao walked away as if marching to the tempo of hammers and saws.

"What!" Azula cursed.

"We have front row tickets to the one o'clock showing of _The Last Airbender_." Karo said meekly. "Please don't hit me."

"Have I told you I find you both charming and sexy?" Azula hissed.

"No." Karo stroked Mitsumi's back. "I don't recall."

"Think about that." Azula sat on Karo's bed. "Fork over the puzzle section of the newspaper."

Mitsumi jumped onto Azula's shoulders hoping to find ticks or fleas in her hair. Mitsumi found both of his humans annoyingly neat but they both had long dark brown almost black hair which provided some small amusement.

"You will enjoy hearing me whine like a little girl." Karo handed over the puzzle section of the paper. "I have to go in and get another shot before we go to that play."

"I found the theater reviews." Azula cleared her throat. "_The Last Airbender_ earned one star out of five."  
"Tell my mom we are sick. I have smallpox and you have leukemia." Karo said sadly.

"This play made me envy the dead." Azula read out loud. "The actors appeared wooden and fake and the dialogue proved cliché."

"Mom?" Karo yelled out. "I have leukemia."

"I can't fake smallpox." Azula mentioned in passing.

"Did you know _M. Night _spent four years researching this play?" Katara stood with Azula, Lady Zhao and Karo in the theater lobby.

"The critics have panned it." Azula reminded Katara.

"I had a needle the size of a broom handle shoved into my stomach." Karo felt the need to remind everyone.

"That which does not kill you." Azula began.

"Succeeds on the second attempt?" Karo completed the sentence. "Wasn't one of the Fire Lords killed while attending the theater?"

"That was an Earth King way back when." Azula walked slowly through the theater lobby hoping to see more people. The local theater usually played host to symphony concerts and operas. _M Night_ had paid a packet to rent it. It had an ornate lobby made to look ornate by fancy plaster work, carved wood and plenty of warm brown earth tones designed to look posh. Unlike the newer Nickelodeons which catered to the lower middle class love of all things black and white, this theater catered to the upscale customer and had sticky green carpet in the lobby rather than the usual sticky black linoleum. "The assassin used earth bending to drive a stone spike through his head."

"My doctor must have studied under him." Karo shrugged.

"The play begins in five minutes!" A well dressed usher in Earth Kingdom robes called out through a bullhorn. He put the bullhorn down and looked at the small number of people milling about in the lobby.

"How do you rate the play?" Lady Zhao asked the usher tactfully.

"_M Night_ had taken either a post modern approach to writing plays or it is truly crappy." The usher said as he handed everyone a playbill.

"I wrote a classic play and the audience sits in their seats like stuffed pigs!" The man who had broken into the Zhao basement came out of the theater and into the lobby and threw up his arms.

"Oink!" Azula muttered.

"He does this every performance now." The usher whispered. "He yells at actors, rants and then finally settles down once the performance begins."

"We should find our seats." Lady Zhao did not wish to witness a rant and she found a man with an initial for a first name a bit odd. She spoke quietly and led the others into the posh interior of the theater. While the quality of the plays varied, the theater had green velvet reclining seats and a high vaulted ceiling with intricate plaster work and a chandelier which had several tons of sharp and pointed glass. Azula sat next to Karo with Lady Zhao on his left taking an aisle seat and Katara next to Azula. Azula had planned the seating since she sensed a nap coming on and needed Karo's arm to use as a pillow.

"Our production will begin in a few minutes." An elderly man walked out, made the public address system squeal and hiss as he stated the obvious.

"How far back can I get this seat to go?" Azula had woken up to hammering at seven that morning and decided to take a nap. She managed to make the seat recline at about a forty five degree angle.

A modest number of people filled the theater as the beginning of the performance began. The theater orchestra began to tune up with a decidedly sharp A above middle C coming off the oboe. Azula leaned on Karo's shoulder and fell asleep.

The play did have a decent soundtrack. The overture had a haunting string melody in a sad and dreary A Minor penned at the hand of a composer who had a keen sense of orchestration. If the play depicted the grand return of the Avatar the composer had a decidedly unconventional take on the story. He had a dark but lean sense of orchestration full of bitter melodic lines.

The overture led into an opening scene far too darkly lit for the audience to make out any detail. Katara saw the outline of something clear and egg shaped as the music subsided. The egg began to glow a dim blue and a smoke machine came on and filled the stage with mist as blue lights rose in intensity. The small lady playing the Avatar rose out of the egg with something quilted that looked like Appa hung off of ropes. The strings played as if to punctuate the action but had a dark coldness punctuated by the high solo cello. Karo began to listen less to the poorly written dialog and the rather abrupt scene changes which made the story dull and hard to follow and more to the soundtrack.

Three hours and an intermission later, Azula woke up when the house lights came up. Karo felt the blood returning to his hand and a deep need to use the facilities.

"Why do they always cast me as a fat middle aged woman who complains too much?" Katara complained bitterly. "Am I a fat preachy woman with too much makeup?"

"Do I have to say anything at this point?" Azula looked at Katara but decided she would rather let Karo get punched in the head. Azula did enjoy her petty torments but she knew Katara was a far cry from harmless.

"I badly need to find the bathroom." Karo began heading out of the theater in search of the facilities.

"I can't wait until you see how they cast your character." Katara told Azula. "The director ended the play at the _Siege of the North_ so we haven't met the woman who will play the beautiful Princess Azula."

"Why don't I go ask the director what he has planned?" Azula stood up.

"I feel relieved that _M. Night_ has decided against producing the sequel to _The Last Airbender_." Azula had found out that_ M. Night_ had chosen a thirty year old blond haired actor with a reputation as a rotten actor and a bit of a ditz to play her and this continued to bother her even a week after the play had left town.

"Mom?" Karo called out from the kitchen as he watched the light on the waffle maker. "How do I tell when the waffles are ready?"

"It dings I think or maybe the light comes on or goes out." Lady Zhao sat at the dining room table reading the paper and wishing it hadn't decided to rain on a Sunday morning. "I have no idea. You wanted that thing."

"What did I tell you?" Azula scolded Karo.

"What?" Karo looked at Azula then at the sleek metal body of the waffle maker. "I am intrigued by a machine that can make waffles – the traditional breakfast of the Earth Kingdom."

Bing!

"Who would you cast as me in a play about the War?" Azula stood over Karo as he opened the waffle maker and took out the cooked waffle. It steamed, smelled quite delicious and looked a nice golden brown. Karo had spent a large amount of his Sunday morning fine tuning the waffle mix and wished to concentrate on producing quality results. He did not want to answer Azula's question.

"I regret I can't answer that question." Karo poured more batter into the waffle maker and closed it. "I know how this will wind up. I will say something; you will slap me in the head and call me an idiot."

Katara came over frequently enough to walk right through the front door of the Zhao home. She found the cottage lonely and on Sundays Karo and Azula sometimes failed to show at the tea shop.

"Hello." Katara placed her blue water tribe jacket on the coat rack in the front foyer.

"If you had to cast me in a play what kind of actor would you pick?" Azula asked Katara as she entered the kitchen.

"A fat opera singer in plate armor." Katara answered without hesitation.

"Want some tasty waffles?" Karo said brightly as Azula began to glare deeply at Katara.


End file.
