Fire Emblem 1. Chapter 1

The fellow folks from Fire Emblem seven and eight curiously walked around a stage and they each took a seat in front of it.

And elder boy with long black hair stood up on the stage once everyone had seated. This boy was RICK, The Amazing Tactician with The Amazing Capitalized name, or so he liked to call himself. The others just referred to him as RICK. He cleared his throat rather rudely,

"Ehem, EHEM! ACHEM! Ehem, Erm… AHEM!"

The others silenced.

"Now, if you all will turn your short attention span to this chart, I will explain why I called you over here." He pulled out a pointing stick and flipped to the right page on his easel, revealing a line graph.

"Ever since we used the warp staves to teleport between your world and mine, my money has 'somehow' disappeared." He pointed to where the line on the graph fell to the bottom, "Completely!"

A few people in the crowd twiddled their thumbs and pretended that they weren't paying attention.

"And every, single, one of you, is going to help pay me back. My bank account is a negative number!" he sighed, "With a… lot of zeroes…."

The audience sympathized, "Aww…"

RICK, who didn't believe that they pitied him inserted a video tape and said, "Well, just so you all know, this doesn't _just_ affect me."

The first scene showed Joshua up in a tree and a dog barking from down below. Except that dog wasn't just a dog, it had Marissa's face.

Gerik nudged Marissa in the ribs, "Well, I always knew you'd be a bitch."

Marissa glared at him and raised her sword, but the next scene stopped her. It showed Joshua in the hospital.

"Well that was obvious."

Right next to Joshua's bed was Gerik grinning at him. Marissa chased Gerik out of the tent yelling, "That was obvious too!"

The next scene showed L'Archel being run over by a train. Then, it showed Rennac in an elevator with a surgeon and an unconscious L'archel in a hospital bed.

"Oh no, this is taking too long." said the hospital surgeon.

A light of hope was in Rennac's eyes, "What do you mean?"

"If we don't get to level five in five minutes, we'll loose the patient!"

Rennac cocked his head, "Is that so?" he walked over to the elevator buttons and stabbed his dagger straight into it. He then calmly walked back over to where he was originally standing.

The next scene showed L'Archel talking to the surgeon after surgery. Rennac looked slightly displeased.

"I'm afraid I have some dreadful news." The surgeon stated.

Rennac smiled again.

L'Archel asked, "The surgery was successful?"

The surgeon laughed, "I said dreadful, you fool. Anyway, we had to replace your clogged heart with a baked potato; you have two minutes left to live."

Twenty minutes later

L'Archel asked for the umpteenth time, "Now? How 'bout now?"

Rennac was biting his teeth nervously. The surgeon said, "Wow this is amazing, you **should** be dead!"

L'Archel laughed, "I'm a main character stupid, no matter if I die or how many times I die, the epilogue just says that I'm injured, I can't die!"

RICK stopped the tape and Rennac yelled out, "Oh, the unspeakable horror!"

RICK pulled out the tape, "Now there's every single one of your futures on this tape, so if you all aren't motivated, you can come see what your future will be like if you don't help me!"

He put a flash light under his chin and began laughing manically.

Everyone was silent.

"Then be off!" he yelled fiercely.

The others groaned and slowly walked through the portal to the real world.

-----

Sain walked with Kent along the side walk of New York. "Soo… What do we do now?"

Kent picked up a blown away newspaper. "Tactician RICK said that we could find these, 'money making jobs' in theses 'newspapers'."

He pointed at an article and said, "Waiter."

Sain shook his head, "You only get paid 150 er… 'dollars' a day, I'm pretty sure that's bad."

Sain pointed to one and said, "Male Strippers."

Kent's eyes went wild, "You can't be serious!"

Sain smirked, "Look at the pay, 300 dollars an hour. I' pretty sure that's _good._"

Kent shook him, "Think about Sain, your life, think about it!"

Sain grinned and looked up at the sky, "Takin' off my shirt as pretty girls shove dollars in my pants," he smiled, "I loooove this world…"

------

AT A RANDOM CARNIVAL

Erk grinned broadly. "Now ladies and gentlemen, and—argh, gosh-what IS THAT! ARUGH, i-it's **HIDEOUS**!"

The audience that had gathered around Erk paused and looked around. Eliwood scowled,

"What, Erk!"

Erk looked as though he was relived, "It's nothing, just saw your face."

Three syringes flew into Erk's butt. He flinched and yelled, "What da? Urgh…"

Eliwood smirked, "That was just enough tranquilizer to knock out fifty elephants. Sweet dreams."

Erk fell over and Eliwood soon dragged him away and threw him into "The Pit of Obsessed Fan Girls", so naturally Ephraim decided to take over.

"Oookay, anyway today we have two very exciting exhibits for you, Lucius the she-man."

The audience seemed uninterested; they were Americans, after all.

Ephraim looked annoyed, "Did I mention that there was no plastic surgery involved?"

Several gasps of shock were heard throughout the audience. Several kids pointed and stared at the oblivious smiling Lucius.

"And something so diabolical, so evil, so disturbingly cruel and unjust that people with weak stomachs should leave the carnival right NOW."

Ephraim laughed evily and finally announced,

"Marcus in a thong!"

------

Louise smiled at all the young children. Nils and all the other kindergarteners looked up at her anxiously.

"Umm… I am your substitute teacher today and I hope we make a large amount of progress with the bow, so you all can learn how to defend yourselves from bandits and other things that may want to kill you when you're older." She said rather bluntly.

All the kids stared with slack jaws. One kid fell over.

One kid with three teeth said, "But, weee're supposed to learn our A B C's. And you're also supposed to read to us today."

Louise cocked her head, "Read? I don't know how to read."

The kids gasped.

Louise headed towards the door, "Umm… I have to go to the bathroom, I might be a while."

She walked down the hall so quickly she didn't notice Heath walking the opposite way with Hyperion.

Heath stopped at the classroom door. "Hmm… this looks like a good place to drop you off for a meaningless amount of time while I go get my hair re-colored."

Hyperion screeched, "What will I eat?"

Heath pushed Hyperion through the door and said, "I'm sure you'll find something small, petite, and helpless to devour."

Hyperion looked at all the little children and licked his lips, "Ho, ho, ho."

The kids hopefully looked at Hyperion, "Umm… Santa Claus?"

He shook his head, "No, no, no."

Louise picked up a book from the public bathroom basket and walked around the bathroom reading it. It was titled: Learn How to Read in 20 minutes as your Kindergartner students are devoured by a Rabid Wyvern.

Louise walked slowly into the bloody classroom. Hyperion was being taken away by police with giant monster handcuffs and the only survivor was Nils.

Louise asked Nils, "What the heck happened?"

Nils sobbed, "It was horrible, limbs flying everywhere and- I am so scarred for life."

Louise was apparently ignoring him, "Will I still get paid?"

END OF "THE BEGINNING"

RICK cleared his throat again. "Man, I must have some nasty fever… Ah, Anyhoo, that was the start to a great new story! I'm not too good with intros, but I'm trying to make it humorous and enjoyable."

RICK paused to hear a smart remark from Erk. Nothing. "Erk?" he called out. RICK smacked his forehead, "I forgot! Erk is still trapped in the pit of obsessed fan girls, silly me!"

RICK looked around, "Awkward…"

Jaffar popped out of nowhere.

RICK smiled, "Ah, Jaffar, just the person I wanted to see! Why don't you tell them what happens next?"

Jaffar, "…"

RICK, "Hard of hearing?"

Silence.

"Not a man of many words?"

Silence.

"Forget you!" RICK storms off.

Nino skipped over to where Jaffar was standing, "Thanks giving me the spotlight Jaffar!"

Jaffar smiled and pulled out a book titled, The Great Big Book of How to Make anyone Disappear. 

He then began writing, "Annoy the crap out of him" under RICK's name.

Nino grabbed the microphone, "Anyway next chapter is the FED up chapter It's really weird…"


	2. The seriously FUCKED UP Chapter

It was a dark and stormy night when RICK, the tactician, announced that he had gotten himself a girlfriend. He stood a top the stage in the tent with many circling him. "Her name is Olivia. And she baked cookies for you all."

Everyone was happy, eating the cookies anxiously, except one person… Erk glared at Olivia suspiciously from afar. "I don't trust one thing about that girl…" he scoffed and threw a cookie down on the floor.

Eliwood actually smiled at him and asked, "Why aren't you in the pit of obsessed fan girls?"

Erk looked at Eliwood not really believing his eyes.

"Eliwood's right!" He muttered under his breath "For once. I should be in the pit of obsessed fan girls! But I'm not..."

His conversation with himself was cut short when Saleh fell over dead. Havoc turned into horror as they inspected the body.

Olivia approached the body and said, "He's only sleeping." The others smiled and went on with their normal lives. Erk poked the body suspiciously, "He's not sleeping! He's dead!"

Lyn laughed at Erk's 'outrageous statement' as Olivia walked over to her and ripped out Lyn's heart. Erk shrieked and pointed at Olivia. "She just killed Lyn! Do something ya' bloody bastards!"

The others silenced and looked at Erk.

Erk rejoiced, "Yes, you believe me!"

Jaffar shook his head, "No, we're just too amazed at your stupidity to say anything."

Erk held his head, the room seemed to be spinning. "This isn't right. It's like a Mary-sue gone wrong!"

Erk ran over to RICK and shook him by the shoulders, "You… you would never date a Mary-sue!" Erk blinked to see that he was just shaking a poorly made rag doll meant to look like RICK.

Erk turned around to find everyone around him on the ground dead, except for Eliwood, who just had his head burrowed in the ground like an ostrich. Olivia walked to him and smiled, while popping her neck. She held a large toilet plunger in her hand and said,

"I saved you for last Erk."

Erk woke up screaming in his tent. He put his hand to his forehead, "Ah, it was only a dream."

Suddenly a half naked Pent sat up beside him in bed, "Something frighten you Erky-poo?"

Erk threw his head back and screamed.

Suddenly Louise woke shaking. "Oh, thank heavens, it was only a dream." Lousie looked to see if Pent was still there in the same bed. Pent sat up, "Something frighten you?" at least it looked like Pent, with Melinusses' face.

Louise clutched her face, and screamed.

Jaffar rolled over in his cot. He sat up. "Man, that's the last time I sleep with my mouth open…" He heard a soft knocking at the door of his tent.

"Come in." he said.

It was a large cow. Jaffar cocked his head. Suddenly, it began to talk, "I've been meaning to tell you this for a long time."

Jaffar was still getting over the fact that a cow walked up and talked to him when she said, "I'm your mother."

Jaffar screamed.

Guy sat up in his cot and scratched his head, "Aww…" he groaned, and "That dream was getting interesting…"

Suddenly Mathew walked in his tent and held up a piece of parchment. "I release you from our deal." said Mathew.

Guy was overjoyed.

Mathew woke up screaming. He held his head, "How could I be that stupid! Ah, well… it was just a dream."

Suddenly, the 'tent maid' Lucius walked in with a smile on his face. He began tidying up Mathew's tent randomly, while whistling.

Mathew sat up and asked, "You do understand that it's in the middle of the night?"

Lucius ignored his statement and began dusting. Suddenly, he dropped his dust rag.

Mathew said, "Umm… you dropped something."

Lucius looked down. He paused with a horror-struck look on his face and screamed, "I'M A MAN!"

Raven woke up shocked. He groaned, "That's not cool."

Raven tried going to sleep but couldn't. He got up and took a stroll. After a few minutes, he found Rebecca and Lowen together in the moonlight.

Raven raised an eyebrow but watched them safely and hidden in some bushes.

Rebecca smiled, "Oh, Lowen, why don't you move your bangs so I can see your pretty eyes?"

Lowen smiled back, "Okay." He said. He lifted up his green hair to reveal that he only had one eye. He was, in fact, a Cyclops.

Rebecca screamed and fainted.

Raven covered his mouth to keep himself from shrieking in pure terror. He removed his hand to find vomit in his palm. Like Rebecca, he fainted. Lowen got up and pulled a twenty out of Rebecca's pocket before walking away.

Hector woke up with a grin on his face. He raised his arms up in joy, "I knew it! How did I know, how did I know! But it _was_ just a dream…"

Hector's sudden outburst caused his favorite axe to fall from its mount on the wall and slice him into tiny little chunks.

Nergal woke up happily. "Interesting… Although it was just a dream, I feel like that could be in future plans."

He snapped at Denning, "You, go get me some milk."

Denning flexed his muscles, because of this, his cloak ripped. He said in an Austrian accent, "Okay I go an' get de' milk." before walking through the stone wall.

Nergal but his hand to his mouth, "My goodness..."

Ephidel sat up in his bed, "That was such a weird dream. Denning… buff? That would be like the 00ber-Denning…"

Nergal burst in his room carrying many shopping bags. "Ohhhh, my moooorrrrppphhhsss!"

Ephidel, "What do you want so late Sire?"

Nergal lifted a skimpy skirt out of the bag, "You are no longer my morph slaves but my Hip and Peppy cheerleading squad! And here are the uniforms; cloaks are SO fifty years ago!"

Ephidel asked seriously, "Have you been sleeping with your mouth open again sire?"

Fargus ran in the room wearing Nergal's 'uniform'. "I'm all dressed Sire!"

Nergal said happily, "Oh and Fargus is joining the squad too! Uh… Ephidel?"

Ephidel screamed, covered his eyes, and fainted.

Eliwood woke up shaking. "I did not need to see that. Poor Ephidel…" Eliwood found that he couldn't sleep after that horrid nightmare and ran off to get a snack.

He searched through RICK's secret trunk for some chocolate.

Eliwood: -whistling-

-Jaws music in background-

Eliwood: Dum de da… la la…

-Olivia appears in shadows with plunger in hand Ooo, frighting-

Eliwood: Man! All he has is peanut butter!

-Eliwood shrugs and keeps looking but Olivia pulls him forward.-

Eliwood, screaming: Who are you? AH!

-Olivia takes the plunger and puts it to Eliwood's face using a secret technique to keep using pressure until Eliwood suffocates and suffers a horrible---Ack! I'll just tell you the truth. Olivia basically is putting a plunger to Eliwood's face and is somehow killing him in a rather retarded way… And can we please go back to the NORMAL NON-LAZY WAY!-

Eliwood fell to the ground, dead, his face red and twisted from the plunger-ness.

-THANK YOU!-

RICK woke up with a large grin on his face, "What a woman!" he said out of dislike of Eliwood.

"That reminds me… I wanted to introduce my girlfriend to everyone today!"

RICK got out of bed to begin the new day.

"Good morning everyone. This is my girlfriend Olivia and she made brownies for you all."

Everyone took a brownie with fake smiles on their faces. Many had rings around their eyes and Eliwood didn't even show up. Jaffar was starring forward and the brownie fell out of his hand. He just stared, as in shock. Lucius poked himself in odd places while looking depressed, while Raven watched him. Mathew seemed sad, while Guy, the opposite and Louis wouldn't let Pent leave her side and every second Erk would move a foot farther from Pent.

When the brownies were passed out, Erk tossed his brownie to the ground, "Déjà vu… And where's Eliwood anyway?"

RICK raised an eyebrow. "Where is Eliwood?"

Olivia smiled innocently, "I wonder… Well, I need to use the ladies room."

Olivia walked off smiling. When no one was near, Olivia pressed on switch on the wall in her tent. Her tent was originally completely filled with pink everyone, but it changed dark and ghastly. On the wall in front of her was a large list of blood, a list, of everyone in Fire Emblem. Olivia bit her thumb so she could cross Eliwood's name off the list and laugh maniacally.

END OF THE FED UP CHAPTER

RICK, the amazing tactician smiled, "Well that was that. I believe that every good story needs to have a fucked up chapter! Basically that whole thing was a bit of nightmares for everyone to get a little fearful."

Jaffar held up a cardboard sign that read, "I am so scarred for life."

RICK smiled again, all smiley-smiley, "Well you know its true cow-boy."

Jaffar walked off looking most displeased.

RICK took this as his queue to continue on and did so, "Oh, and this story isn't just for those who read A trip to the Real World but just random people who want to read random junk. Adios amigos. Oh and las fiestas in mi pantaloones y tu invitado."


	3. The Morphy chapter

In the evil bad guy base, or wherever the hell Nergal and his morphs hang out; they discussed a plan. Nergal laughed manically, "So… that old bat RICK has his army doing jobs because he's in debt. How pathetic!"

Ephidel looked inside their vault of gold and treasures and only seeing cobwebs before saying, "Sire, we aren't doing so well ourselves."

Nergal put a hand to his face, "Yes… I guess we're not…"

Ephidel looked over to Nergal, "Sire?"

Nergal suddenly snapped, "Well you know the saying! Love your enemy as your friend! Come my morphs!"

Nergal pulled Denning, Ephidel, Sonia, and Limstella forward. They were all forced to hold hands as Nergal ran around, pulling them and cheering, "Love love loooovveee!"

When Denning looked as though he would throw up, Nergal stopped, "Ehem… well you've heard the saying: keep your friends close but your enemies closer right?"

Ephidel nearly had it, "Sire, before you make us prance around again, may I ask… What the HELL are you smoking!"

Nergal smiled, "Nothing but the usual my servant… Now, take your To-do list and do as it says. We have no more time for prancing."

Before either of them could protest, Nergal pushed Ephidel and Limstella out the door with the To-Do list in Ephidel's hand.

-----

Erk yelled as ferocious hands tugged at his cloak and pinned him down. He screamed a few times and felt as reality itself was being tugged the same way. In the Pit of Obsessed Fan Girls and any sane person would feel that way. Well… maybe not Jaffar… Anyway, suddenly, it all stopped. Erk looked up to see Ephidel cast one fan girl's hair on fire and Limstella dragging two girls by their ankles and throwing them across the pit.

The fighting got so gruesome that Erk had to hide his head in his hands to avoid being splattered by guts. Also he closed his eyes at times so that his mind wouldn't be scarred for life. Erk we finally looked up, he saw Limstella doing wrestling moves on the last few fan girls. After it was over Erk didn't know whether to be happy or sad.

"What are you Nerg-lings doing here?" Erk finally asked after a few moments of silence.

Limstella put her hands on her hips, "We _Nerg-lings_ are saving your pathetic ass!"

Ephidel shrugged and said, "It says 'Save Erk' on the To-do list, we do what the To-do orders. The To-Do list is life, the To-Do list is the almighty one…"

Erk's expressionless face told the morphs that it was time to go.

Limstella and Ephidel teleported Erk out of the pit and vanished.

-----

Ephidel checked and read over the list. "It says that he already got us jobs… It says here that I have to work in a restaurant and you're working in something called a 'Dry Cleaners' Also Sonia, you are to go work in a bakery."

Sonia cheered, "Oh, goodie!"

Limstella rolled her eyes but headed in the direction of the nearest dry cleaner. Ephidel sighed and walked into a French-looking restaurant. Sonia giggled to herself and headed to the bakery.

------

Ephidel leaned against the counter in the waiters' uniform. He held a clipboard in hand with a list of reservations.

Suddenly a family entered the restaurant. "Good day sir." said an old looking fellow of the family.

Ephidel looked at the clipboard and asked, "Do you have a reservation?"

The man nodded and answered, "Callahan family."

Ephidel put the clipboard down and looked at his nails, bored out of his mind, "Your tables aren't ready yet. Please wait here."

The man looked at all the empty tables. "The tables aren't even being used."

The annoyed glare from Ephidel gave him a smart idea to not question him. Instead the man began to converse with him as the rest of his family walked around. Baaaddd move. Look, I'm a lamb.

"So… how long have you been doing this?" the man asked.

Ephidel looked up at him, "Actually, it's my first day."

"Do you enjoy the restaurant feeling?"

Ephidel stood up, "What the hell are you mumbling about? Restaurant feeling?"

The man smiled, "I live by the feeling of doing paperwork."

Ephidel raised an eyebrow, "No, you live by breathing."

The man, being as nice as he was, ignored Ephidel's bold and crude statement. "When's our table going to be ready?"

Ephidel noticed some other people coming in, "Hold it, old man." The man watched as Ephidel seated the people and left him and his family standing and watching with anger.

The man finally was getting agitated, "Do you have the slightest idea of what you're doing?"

Ephidel looked at the man with a stubborn look in his eyes, "I've been doing this for years."

-----

Sonia stood wearing a large chef hat and an apron that read, "Kiss the chef" She held a bowl and wooden spoon in her hand. Children of all ages stood around her.

She giggled to herself, "Now children, it's time to bake some cookies… If you know what I mean…"

The children watched Sonia discombobulated. A few parents took their kids and told Sonia that she was 'Sick!' or 'that's just plain wrong!' However, most of the kids just stayed.

Sonia smiled. She looked at the large bowl full of cookie dough, "Look at all this cookie dough! We'll need a large oven for this one… if you know what I mean…"

She pretended to sigh, "Aww… but first we need to cut the cookies into some cute designs! You wouldn't want to spoil the fun of baking cookies, would you, children! If you know what I mean…"

------

Limstella stood with her hands on her hips. A large man looked at a clipboard for her job registration.

"So… your name is… er… Li--…Spagetta. And you want a job here because…?"

Limstella rolled her eyes, "I don't want a job here, but my lord is making me get one."

The man looked at her, "Would that be your recommendation?"

Limstella looked shocked, "Me! With Lord Nergal? I never thought about our relationship like that…"

The man cocked his head, "Erm… I said recommendation."

Limstella sighed, "Oh… What's that?"

END OF CHAPTER 3

Jaffar held up a sign that read, 'Well that concludes the All about Morphs Chapter.'

RICK smiled, "I er… couldn't have…wrote it better myself!"

Jaffar's sign now read, 'You're the one who did this to me you bastard.'

RICK ignored Jaffar's crude statement. "Well Adios and I'm sorry if this was a little short, I had writers block. Oh and Tu baln de pen and forma de rosca."

Sonia held up a wooden spoon and said, "Make sure to tune in for next chapter, if you know what I mean!"

Jaffar's sign read, 'EWWww'


	4. Slushies have SO much sugar

RICK sighed and as he put his bright red vest on. It had the target symbol on the corner and on the back in bold letters it read, "How can I help you?" He hated it. He despised his job so much but working at Target was pretty good for a teenager in still in high school. Karel stood next to him wearing the same uniform. Today Karel would help RICK at his job.

Karel looked the same but deep down, RICK knew that he hated it too. When the entered the double doors of Target Karel asked, "Any guidelines that you want to give me for this assignment?"

RICK scoffed, "Yeah, don't get killed." They separated to go to their different check out lanes as cashiers.

On their break, RICK found Karel starring at the slushy machine, okay, more like, he was all but completely smashing his face against it. RICK at first ignored him and brought out a cup and poured himself a cherry slushy.

Karel looked at the slushy, "What are you doing?"

"Employee discount and I can get addicted to these things in like two seconds flat."

Karel cocked his head, "Fascinating, a mystery… "

RICK looked annoyed, "If you wanted one, you should have just asked. Hold on, I'll get it for you."

RICK handed another cherry slushy to Karel.

"Are you sure you want to give me this?"

RICK said, "If that's your strange psychopathic way of saying thank you, you're welcome, and yes, I'm sure. What's the worse that could happen if I gave you a simple slushy?"

Two and a half seconds later.

RICK was helping an old lady carry her groceries when he heard a loud rolling sound. It kept on sounding closer until…

"Something's coming… SOMETHING BAD!" RICK yelled.

RICK turned his attention to Karel with a horror-struck look on his face as he sat in a shopping cart going at the speeds of what seemed hundreds of miles an hour. Karel screamed like a little girl on steroids. RICK ran out of the way, but noticed that the old lady was still directly in the path of Karel and the super shopping cart.

RICK did a slow-mo "NOOOO!" and jumped right in front of the shopping cart.

The sudden stop of the shopping cart caused Karel to instantly fly out of the cart and land face-first in a pile of stuffed animals. RICK groaned and got up and looked to his own side where cartoon-like dents were where the cart hit him.

RICK walked over and turned Karel over with his foot. "What the hell were you doing?"

Karel laughed a few times and said, "I don't feel well," before running to the bathroom.

Karel waited until there were people in the stalls next to him. He took a two gallon bucket of lemonade and dumped it on the floor. Lemonade spilled everywhere, nearly flooding the room. The other men in the bathroom were too stunned to say anything.

"I had an accident." Karel said to break the silence. Before he could say, 'I spilled lemonade all over the floor' the men were out of the bathroom.

Karel returned and put a wet floor sign on the outside on the men's bathroom. The intercom echoed across target, "Clean up in aisle…err… the men's restroom."

Karel pointed up towards the ceiling. "How dare you! I offer you a plentiful gift and you defy me! Oh, vengeful spirits in my head!" Karel leapt onto one of the checkout signs before screeching. "CAW-CAAAAWWW!"

None of the customers at Target happened to notice Karel's sudden outburst. RICK just stopped what he was doing and stared.

"Uh, sir, you didn't ring up the bananas." said a patient customer.

RICK said with a deep and serious look on his face, "I'm sorry, but I'm choking." and began slamming his head into the cash register.

Karel began sprinting around the Target with a triumphant grin on his face. He noticed the girls' clothes aisle and looked at a swirly pink dress that was just his size. He slipped on a few other accessories from the jewelry department and stood in the toy aisle. He placed a 'Try Me' sign right next to him and waited.

A little girl pulled her mother along and cheered, "Look mommy! I want it! I want it!" she pointed at Karel with an ecstatic look on her face.

The mother smiled, "Alright, but first you always need to make sure this doll still has some juice in it." She looked around Karel for the 'try me' button. When she found none, she just randomly pressed Karel's nose.

Karel giggled exactly like a girl, "Testacles."

The mother looked at Karel with horror. "Oh, my…"

Karel giggled, "I love playing _tennis_ with my friends. But you need tennis balls."

The mother shook her head, "I must've just imagined it." She poked Karel's nose again and waited.

"Pedophilia." said Karel in an incredibly peppy voice.

The mother stared with a horror-stuck look on her face.

"Philadelphia is a great state. It has the best shopping malls!"

The mother blinked, "This is a strange doll. Okay, one more time." The mother poked his nose again but heard no response.

She poked him again.

Karel looked angry and held up a hand, "Hold on lady, I'm still thinking of something to say!"

The mother took her child by the hand and ran off.

------

RICK stood at the cash register. Karel yelled suddenly, "This is a hold up!"

RICK turned around to see Karel facing the opposite direction. "Err… Karel, I'm over here."

Karel turned around and faced RICK. RICK could see that black pantyhose were wrapped around his eyes but the rest of his face was still completely visible. Karel held up a banana and pointed it a RICK.

"Put the banana down, Karel."

Karel shrieked, "How do you know my name! How do you see through my incredibly cool disguise! I mean… who is this Karel that you speak of?"

RICK rolled his eyes, "Any idiot or asshole could see through your disguise. Now put down the banana before I have to hurt you."

Karel laughed, "Oh, such brave words! But I can see right through you! You shrivel up in fear of my awesome might!"

RICK scoffed, "I doubt you can see anything through those pantyhose."

Suddenly, Erk dashed out from a corner and tackled Karel to the ground, while smacking him really hard with a plastic salad spork.

RICK was dumbfounded, "I was about to do that… and hey! What are you doing here?"

Erk looked at him like the answer was obvious, "You're the author, dumb ass! You should know!"

RICK looked through all his papers. "You're the idiot! You shouldn't even be in this chapter!"

Erk began to panic, "What the hell! My script says 'Tackle Karel in scene twenty-four'!"

RICK put a hand to his face, "Some one must have given you the wrong script! Just get down, hide!"

"What do we do now?"

"You messed up big time Erk."

"Are they still watching?"

"No, but they're still _reading_ if that's what you mean! We're just going to have to wait until Karel wakes up and try to do the scene over!"

"He's out cold."

"Damn it Erk!"

Erk ran around the cashier desk, completely spazzing out, "They know! They see my weakness! They still reading and they know that I ruined everything! Nooo..."

RICK got up angrily, "Damn! I told you to stay down!"

Erk continued to run around, "The readers will never take me seriously again! Noo—"

**BANG!**

Erk fell to the ground. RICK blew the top of his pistol and stuck it back in his pocket.

Two hours later the police arrested RICK and Karel for murder.

Erk's dead body had a chalk outline around it and his body was officially called top evidence.

The police officer pushed the handcuffed RICK into the police car parked right in the middle of Target. Karel looked a little sick but serious once again.

The other officer asked before pushing Karel in the car too, "Are you alright? Need something?"

Karel grinned evilly, "Yeah, a slushy."

END OF CHAPTER 4

Erk paced around, looking very much alive. "That was such bull! Like I would mepp, err.. mevv, err… MESS up anything!"

RICK laughed evilly, "Ha ha ha!"

Erk glared, "And I doubt you would kill anyone. Stop hanging around Karel, his 00ber-ebil-ness could rub off on you."

RICK asked, "Do you want me to keep you dead in the story? Or would you like me to just revive you in the next chapter as though it never happened."

Erk scoffed, "Hmmm… I suppose being killed by you is rather embarrassing. But be a little dramatic when you revive me. I want to see tears!"

RICK laughed, "Alright! I got it, perfect! Serra will be crying he poor heart out for her dearest Erky and then you are revived saying how, "Even a pistol couldn't keep me from coming back to you, my love!" And then ya'll kiss as true lovers! I mustn't wait another moment!"

RICK ran out skipping leaving Erk speechless for words, "If you post that… I'LL BEAT YOUR ASS LIKE AN EGG!"


	5. The Day off, with a gun

It was Saturday, the day where everyone has the day off to do whatnot.

RICK held a large cheesy-looking laser gun in his hand. On the side of the gun was a small keyboard and screen, it looked rather technical, and strange. "Look at this sweet gun! It let's you make anyone do anything!"

Most of the army just walked away, uninterested, except for Canas and Kent.

Kent took a look at RICK, "How'd you get out of jail, RICK?"

RICK laughed, "Ah ha ha! I had a few friends who were willing to lend a hand, same cool peeps who gave me this laser gun!"

Kent raised an eyebrow, "Where's Karel?"

RICK looked depressed, "Oh, well, he wasn't as lucky. They sent him to a metal institution, I'd rescue him, but I think it's for the best. I mean, he kept on muttering all this crap about how Jaffar was some sinister alien cow, planning taking over the world by making everyone lactose intolerant, so that he can save his cow brothers and sisters."

Jaffar walked by, but abruptly stopped. He turned a corner and listened to RICK and Kent's conversation eagerly.

RICK chuckled, "That's lame because, people still eat hamburgers, and the cows will still be eaten."

Jaffar narrowed his eyes, "Damn…" he muttered.

Kent laughed, "Is that so? What other nonsense did he say?"

RICK continued, "Oh, he said that somehow he switched brains with Jaffar for a day, and saw all of his 'evil plans' He said that Jaffar had a whole other life with his other alien cow friends, and the reason why he doesn't speak much is, the whole time he's talking he's resisting the temptation to eat your hair."

Canas put hands on his hair protectively and laughed along with RICK and Kent.

Kent asked, "Does Jaffar have an alien cow name? Is Jaffar just a fake name?"

RICK said, "Oh, yeah, he said Jaffar's real name was Melody Moo-Moo! What a stupid name!"

Kent cackled, "Yeah, that's SO RETARDED!"

Canas giggled, "That's SO LAME! WHAT A STUPID NAME!"

Jaffar suddenly exploded, he turned the corner so that he was completely visibly in front of them, and "It's a beautiful name! My mother gave me that name—I mean, I wish my mother gave me that—it's a great name—and I will stop the hamburgers from being—**SHUT UP**!"

RICK, Canas, and Kent stood perfectly still, eyes so wide, pupils shrunken in shock.

Jaffar stormed off, leaving them completely speechless.

Canas changed the subject, "So what can your gun do RICK?"

RICK laughed, "Ah ha ha! It can make anyone do anything, watch in amazement and utter shock! Eliwood!"

Eliwood stopped walking and scoffed, "What do _you_ want?"

RICK typed something strange on the keyboard of the gun and fired it at Eliwood, "EAT DIRT ELIWOOD! EAT IT!"

Eliwood suddenly began eating large amounts of dirt, scooping and scooping, all into his mouth.

RICK laughed maniacally, "EAT IT ALL!"

Eliwood screamed, "OWaCK! GWACK," in reply.

Kent patted RICK on the back, "Very interesting gun RICK, we can play some serious truth or dare with this thing."

Canas smirked, "Yes, let us go out and ninja in the night!"

Kent said, "You must start our quest…"

RICK grinned, "It's baad-aaass."

-----

Pent looked at Erk, "Okay, Erk, truth or dare?"

Erk scowled, "Dare, do your worst. I still don't understand how I'm still living anyway…"

Pent giggled, "I dare you to… EAT YOURSELF!"

Erk stood up in protest, "I refuse!" Pent typed the code in the keyboard and shot it at Erk, who instantly turned into a banana.

Colm stared, "How the hell?"

Pent cocked his head, "I typed 'eat yourself'. How did that—"

RICK scratched his head, "Oh, I forgot, you can't kill anybody, it automatically turns them into a fruit, I'm in the mood for a banana—"

Hector put a hand over RICK's mouth, "Have a heart, feed it to Eliwood, he's still been eating dirt this whole time."

RICK chuckled, "If I had a heart, I wouldn't be your tactician! Bwa ha ha!"

Lyn stood up as if felt insulted by RICK's comment. Lyn snatched the gun from Pent, shot it at Hector, who the KO'd RICK with a giant steel hammer.

Colm screeched, "What the heck!"

Hector shrugged, "What the heck," he took the gun from Lyn and fired it a Colm. At first nothing happened until Hector started making odd moaning and howling noises. At first his moaning sounded like a dying moose, but then came out in a more, "AAUUUOOO!"

Colm screamed and ran off screen, chased by a group of Manatees.

Karla grabbed the gun from Hector and shot Bartre. Nothing seemed to happen, until Bartre stood up straight and said intelligently, "E equals Mc squared."

Karla smiled for what seemed to everyone else as the first time in this young sword-weilders life, and she jumped into Baryre's arms exclaiming, "Take me away baby!"

Everyone was sucked into a violet-colored vortex, and was floating around helplessly.Chairs andother furniture began swiliring around at fast speeds. Hectorwas on a table, clinging to it for life.

Florina screamed, "Bartre was never supposed to be smart! That's not possible!"

Everyone screamed as various amounts began changing and mutating. Serra tranformed into a fish and everyone was completely disturbed, except for the Erk banana who smiled.

Florina grabbed the gun and blasted Bartre back to stupidity, everything went back to normal and they landed back inside their tent.

Karla scowled, "Ruin my dream why don't you?"

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, then went on as if everything was dandy, and that thety didn't just almost destroy the whole fabric of reality.

Farina grabbed the gun from her sister she shot it at Hector, who was teleported into another dimension. "That's for judging how much I was worth!" she yelled after him.

Everyone stole the gun from somebody and the madness only calmed for a moment when everyone lost their opposable thumbs or the ability to pick up a gun.

The Erk banana screamed as a shrunken Guy monkey tried to pick him up. Erk hopped away quickly though, and an octopus Oswin turned Guy into a lemon kieshe.

Around Erk, the whole Fire Emblem army had been turned into something strange. Sain, Rath, and Mathew had been turned into babies.

Rath screamed and started crying, "No! Must I go through puberty again?"

Erika had Wallace's foot permanently stuck in her mouth. "Wampo, wah wah wah!" She said angrily.

Her brother Ephraim, who was now half of a biscuit translated, "She said, 'This tastes horrible!' and if you wish understand how horrible it tastes takea large piece ofpaper and write 'horrible' in big letters, then bold it, make it in all capitalize letters, and underline it, then circle it… Argh! I can't take it! She thinks it's so horrible that she's only got a fat old guys foot in her mouth—I'm half a biscuit! Half, Erika you bitch! That fat monkey ate my legs! Somebody shoot me! The pain, the anxiety! Don't you talk to me about pain!"

When he said, fat monkey, he pointed to a large gorilla holding a small girl. The gorilla was Jaffar, the girl, Nino. The Gorrila Jaffar climbed the now skyscraper Mryhh.

Three jet planes flewfilled with Lute, Lowen, and Kyle. The flew around Jaffar and shot missiles at him, while he protected Nino in his hand.

Jaffar lept up and smashed the second jet plane out of the air. Lowen screamed as the plane fell out of the ari, spinning out of control before he crashed.

The plane shot Jaffar one last time, hard in the back and Jaffar set Nino down before falling into a puddle of saliva, which used to be Wil.

The now slug-Renault slithered over and muttered, "So it was Beauty that killed the beast…" his eyes glittered and he said it as intelligent-sounding as he could.

A raven-Raven cawed, "No, you dumbass, I think it was the freakin' airplanes!"

The slug Renault smiled, "Yes, now my friend, let us fly."

Raven raised an eyebrow, "What, friend, I barely know you."

Renault leapt onto Raven. Raven cawed in protest, "Get off! I'm not taking you anywhere!"

Renault pointed ahead, "There's your sister off, with some guy!"

Raven flew off with Renault on his back, "Hold on tight old man!"

Nils walked around crying, his underwear had been pulled up to his armpits and refused to go down, "What could be worst that this!" he cried.

A lot of annoyed yells came from the rest of the army. Ephraim especially, "I'm half of a fuckin' biscuit!"

Lucius screamed, "I'm Rath's diaper!"

The whole army silenced, and then nodded. "That's pretty bad." They all muttered.

Lucius smiled, "Well I guess it's not the worst, since it would be great if I were master Raven's diaper."

Everyone silenced again, but then concerned muttering began.

Lucius turned red, "Oh my, did I day that out loud?"

------

Eliwood stopped eating dirt when all he found was air. He looked around him and found that he was indeed, in China.

Eliwood also noticed that he was about four times his regular size. Eliwood groaned, the relief of not eating dirt was there, and the taste of eating dirt remained. His stomach ached. He blubbered over to a Chinese lady and asked, "Do you have any.. ugh… Pepto Bismal?"

The old lady poked his beer belly and remarked, "人，不是您小猪! 并且我认为他们说美国人是公正超重，我的善良!"

(Ephraim translated, "This lady says, 'Man, aren't you a porker! And I thought they said that people from America were just overweight! My goodness!"

And then Eliwood stared as she walked off, feeling sorry for himself. "Well, Eliwood, you just got turned fat; I mean you were already ugly! I hate you! I'm half of a biscuit!" Ephraim shook his fist at Eliwood angrily.

Suddenly, Ephraim narrowed his little biscuit eyes and felt him being lifted up. His biscuit body then began orbiting around fat-ass Eliwood.

"Aww… fuck you. I HATE YOU!" Ephraim hissed and screamed as he continued orbiting.)

-----

Olivia walked into the tent with her hands on her hips. She turned around, then back again and saw puddles of crap, spit, and gross liquids. She saw strange animals of all kinds and some things she could not describe. Some of the army had been turned into children, babies, and old men. However, she couldn't really see anyoneshe instantly recongnizedfrom the Fire Emblem army.

She called, "RICK? What happened?" she picked up every strange creature, looked at every strange object/animal/puddle of something-ness, until she found a small, cross-eyed bulldog with a name tag that said 'RICK' in all capital letters.

Olivia picked the puppy up, "RICK? Is that you?"

The RICK puppy didn't answer but tried to lick the peanut butter off the tip of his nose. However, the peanut butter was screaming, and was really Kent.

Olivia sighed, "RICK, I _told_ you to use the gun carefully. I'm very disappointed in you."

Olivia paused, "RICK? Can you hear me?"

The puppy nodded and said, "Yes, but I'm too busy resisting the temptation to lick my balls to answer."

Olivia grimaced, "Ah, well, I'm taking the gun from you, since neither you nor your army could be responsible."

As Olivia walked out with the gun slung across her shoulder she laughed manically. All the other inanimate objects, didn't notice, nor the animals, nor RICK, who was too busy fulfilling _that _urge.

END OF CHAPTER 5

Jaffar hastily stirred a concoction labeled 'Lactose prototype one'. He turned behind him, "Oh, you're still here, aye?" He hid the potion quickly, spilling some and knocking over a lot of stuff in the process.

-Massive sound of glass breaking-

Jaffar laughed uneasily, "Eh, heh, heh… Umm… Anyways, the next chapter will be about some of the characters turning into kids and going to school."

Jaffar paused, looking as though he was thinking about something. Whatever he was thinking about, right then, he decided apparently, it was a good idea.

"YOU WILL STOP EATING MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS!" he screamed and ran off.

Jaffar returned laughing uneasily again, as he grabbed the 'Lactose prototype one' and ran off again, knocking over even more glass jars and such.


	6. Preschool Traumas

RICK stood facing the screen with a sign that read, "I'm Sorry," painted in large red letters.

"Well you see dear people." He began, "It's not that I don't enjoy writing my story, or that I'm irresponsible, it's just that I have been too busy in the past few months to continue. But since it is summer… that may or may not change!" RICK coughed for a brief moment before pulling out a large book.

"While I continued my studies and work at school, I soon found that every B day in third period I would be watched by these old men, and had to turn in all of my writings to them. At first I thought I was going to get molested, but that was not the case. My English teacher told me that I had the skill to publish a story at my age and told all my folks that I was an '_Extremely Gifted and Talented Author_'…"

Erk walked by, laughing uneasily, "For some reason I find that really hard to believe," before disappearing into the next hallway.

RICK continued, "Now, over the summer, other than getting a summer job, I have to write a MEDIEVAL FANTASY ROMANCE NOVEL! Which is REALLY weird for me! I'm not aloud to write a simple humor-random-action-story!" RICK gasped and fell over from the level, in which he was yelling.

"Since my mother is an editor, if you see a large Medieval Fantasy Romance novel, with an author named, 'RICK, the amazing tactician with the Amazing capitalized name' or something like that. (Hmm… maybe I'll go by an odd name like, 'Donald' or 'Chuck') BUY IT! Cause, then I'll get more money so I can go to another Avenged Sevenfold concert and swim in the depths of the Mosh pits once again… Ehem, I mean, buy my mother a lovely birthday present.

Now, back to the action!"

----

Many strange objects, strange people, and other strange liquids, ect, gathered around a small bulldog.

The bulldog or RICK paced around on its paws, counting the people in the crowd, the objects, and strange liquids. "Hmm… we're missing a few." The dog said with a look of actual seriousness on his face. He then turned around to look at the Ninian fire hydrate with a look of severe temptation on his face.

A now, bearded, Neimi exclaimed, "Whoa, Tactician RICK can count!"

The bulldog slashed Neimi across the face, enraging the army of Colm fleas to launch themselves onto RICK's buttocks.

RICK howled, "That makes the… temptation… must resist… NINIAN!" the bulldog dashed towards the Ninian fire hydrate with Colm fleas nipping at him.

The poor Ninian screamed and tried her best to hop away. RICK had only a few seconds to say, "Until this weird gun wears off, just go on with your regular jobs—"before Ninian sprayed him with a large amount of water from her hydrate and knocked him out.

The rest of the army or at least the ones normal enough to perform basic life functions stared angrily.

However, the Erk banana was the first to protest, "Some of us can't even move, much less do those insanely difficult jobs." He stopped to look at the puddle of Oswin, which was screaming at the moment, and Erk continued, "Some of us are even evaporating by the second!"

Everyone turned their attention to the puddle of Oswin, who muttered, "Yep, Yup, yup, it's happening right now, there goes my leg, there I go…"

There was silent muttering around the rest of the army for a moment. Then there was complete silence, what could they do? What if the effects never wore off? The silence, however, was soon interrupted by the Oswin who screamed at Guy, "You just inhaled my leg you bastard!"

Guy stared at Oswin like he was confused, but without a second thought, he walked out of the room.

The Erk banana scowled, "C'mon people let's get a move on! Us fruits, and other inanimate objects will just stay here, the others, go on with your jobs."

Louise bent over to be face to face with the toddlers Mathew, Rath, The Lucius diaper, and Sain

"Okay little ones; it's time to go to preschool!"

Nothing could be said that would reflect the look of pure terror on each of their faces.

Mathew was the first to speak up, "How the hell did you get another job as a teacher anyway? Last time all your kids died!"

Louise frowned, "Bad Mathew! Little toddlers shouldn't cuss! I'm going to have to give you a good spanking. And besides, Nils survived, so all my kids in that class didn't die!" Louise began twitching uneasily.

Mathew backed away quickly before muttering, "Well you could call Nils an innocent child as easily as you could a hobgoblin. And don't you touch me!"

Louise's eyes darkened in maternal fury, "I've heard just about enough of you little boy." She picked up Mathew even through his crazed struggling and smacked his bottom a few times.

Complete madness spread through the other toddlers. Sain crawled under a table and Rath ran around in a circle over and over while screaming.

Mathew yelled, "I don't want to hurt you but," Mathew pulled out his dagger and stabbed her in her hand. To his dismay however, all his weapons had been replaced with harmless plastic ones. "Die die die!"

Louise held Mathew under one arm as he continued to stab her with the plastic. However, while Louise wasn't looking Mathew grabbed the now sleeping banana Erk and tried stabbing her with Erk's head as well. Sadly, nothing could release the grip of this crazy sniper.

As Mathew continued struggling, Louise tried but failed to pull Sain from under the table and even though Rath ran around in the same 2x2 foot circle, Louise found that she couldn't catch him either.

Louise grinned evilly, "Oh, Lady Lyndis!" she called out.

Sain and Rath gasped and exclaimed simultaneously, "My one and only weakness!"

Lyn walked to Louise she motioned for her to get Sain and Rath. Without putting up much of a fight, Sain and Rath let Lyn pick them up and begin walking to the preschool.

Louise laughed, "I'm sorry milady, it's their first day of preschool and they're a little nervous. Would you mind coming in with me as a student helper?"

Lyn smiled, "Not at all."

Erk mumbled, "What… where am I, and why does my head hurt so bad?"

Rath cried out, "I've never been to preschool…"

Mathew scoffed, "Well, of course! It wasn't even invented in our time! Now put me down you damn woman!" Mathew stopped as he spotted the beautiful wedding ring on Louise's ring finger "Wait… Kleptomaniac senses…are tingling!"

Rath squirmed and sighed, "Please, Lady Lyndis, let me go!"

Sain grinned, "I like this…" he coughed to make his voice more high pitched.  
"Lady Lyndis, I'm scared, hug me tighter!"

-------

Lyn and Louise set Mathew, Rath, Sain, The Lucius diaper, and the Erk banana down in a play pen next to a small black haired preschooler who was finger painting with a dark red color, and another black haired girl who was playing with play dough.

Sain though it would be bold to introduce himself to the lad. "Hii" he said cheerfully, "I'm Sain, the amazing knight. And these are my servants, Mathew, Rath, and Banana-Laddie. What's your name, good sir?"

The banana squirmed in Mathew's hands yelling, "My name is not Banana-Laddie!"

The black haired kid turned his head in a full 180 degree rotation to stare right at Sain. "My name is Damien." The kid answered simply.

Sain's eyes widened and he tried to hide the fact that the head rotation had almost made him wet his pants, "And what about you, my lovely lady?" he asked the girl next to Damien.

The girl turned to face Sain as well, and Sain found that he could hardly see her face, as her long black frizzy hair was covering the view of it. "My name… is Samara."

Sain focused his attention on her, "Why don't you move your hair, so I can see your pretty little face?" Sain asked pretending to pout.

Samara seemed to have snapped, "But I like killing people. I don't ever want to stop! I want to keep hurting people! Where's my mommy?"

Sain crawled back over to where Rath, The Lucius diaper, Mathew, and Erk now sat. "It's always the same answer."

Damien hugged Samara protectively, "You hurt my sister's feelings you meanie!" he yelled at Sain. "Now I'm going to have to kill you and all of your friends!"

Sain looked unaffected. Mathew asked Sain, "Do you always get THAT reaction as well?"

Sain nodded, "If the lady has a brother, of course it's the same reaction! You should have seen it when I tried to hit on Lady Priscilla! Raven saw and ya' know what? I still can't pee."

The Erk banana looked the most disturbed, "That's just great to know."

-----

(Around Ten Horrid and Scary Minutes Later.)

Mathew, Sain, and The Erk banana were hiding behind Rath. Damien crawled closer.

"Get him away from me!" Mathew screamed trying to crawl through the play pen.

Damien cocked his head to the side, a few cracking noises were heard as he did so, and he stopped turning his head, only after making a ninety degree turn. Damien took his toy airplane and turned it on, then took out a Ken doll dressed exactly like Sain, and then began sawing the dolls head off using the propellers.

Sain bit his nails anxiously, "No amount of therapy will ever make this moment okay."

Erk, Rath, Mathew, and The diaper Lucius all said at the same time, "Aye, aye."

Damien crawled towards them, with every step the small group seemed to squeeze closer together.

"I'm going to kill all of your friends Sain. Then I'm going to save you for last and kill you especially hard."

The group shoved Sain out yelling at him to apologize. "Look, Damien, I'm sorry okay! I didn't think it would hurt Samara's feelings! I just said that I wanted to see her pretty face!"

Damien put the doll down. "Whatever, I'm just killing you for her. She's angry, I really don't care that much."

Sain asked nervously, "Why doesn't she just hurt me herself?' he dared to ask.

Damien narrowed his eyes, "She would, but in seven days."

Sain continued, "Why?"

Damien really looked annoyed, "I don't know! It's the whole stupid plot thing, yeah yeah, flee flee, you'd only last seven days in a well, oh please! I'll just kill people, what's the point of waiting seven days?"

Sain used this as his chance to check to see if his suspicions were true. Sain jumped at Damien, and looked threw his hair on the back on his head, until he saw what he was looking for. "My god! It's here! The three sixes are on the back of his head!"

The others were dumbfounded at the discovery. Damien quickly took Sain's wrist and pinned it behind his back, tackling him to the ground. Sain screamed, "Help me! He's EVVIILL!"

The Erk banana was the first to speak up. The Erk waddled over to the Lucius diaper, "Wait! Lucius, you're a monk! And suggestions?"

The Lucius diaper looked deep in thought, even though he was a diaper and was currently on Rath. "Well I think we may all be saved if we throw holy water at him!"

The Erk banana pointed at a bottle full of milk. "Well the only liquid we have is that bottle of milk."

Lucius looked as though he was seriously thinking about it, "Did it come from a holy cow?"

Erk replied with a confused look, "Umm… No?"

Lucius narrowed his eyes, "Then we can always just squeeze you into banana juice! What where you thinking!"

Erk raised an eyebrow but turned the other way and muttered to Mathew, "I wonder what the hell is shoved up his ass."

Suddenly Lady Lyndis and Louise approached and they all thought that they were going to be saved. Sain got up almost instantly and threw Damien off his back, then headed for the Erk banana.

"Yes, Lady Lyndis approaches! We're saved!" Sain grabbed Erk suddenly and abruptly.

"Sain.. What are you doing?" he asked.

"A genius idea has just struck my mind!" Sain cheered. "And I'm protecting little banana ladies like you, from Damien." He jammed the poor Erk into the front of his diaper.

Erk screamed, "Nuuuuu!" all dramatically, "Seriously! Put me down you idiot! Not there! Not there!"

Lyn approached about to pick up Sain. "Hey Sain, I thought it would be like, cool, if I read you a stor-." She stopped.

Sain gave a cheeky grin, "Why you'd stop talking?"

"Stor-"

"Why are you giving me that zombie-like stare?"

"Stor-"

"Do I have something on my shirt? Do I have broccoli on my shirt?"

"Stor-"

"I don't think I have broccoli on my shirt. I think you're starring at my package. Yep it's mine. Ignore the movement and muffled yells coming from it. _It's alive…_"

Sain grinned and raised his eyebrows, up and down, waiting for Lyn's reply.

Lyn fainted.

Meanwhile Louise was about to pick up Mathew, when Damien crawled over by her. "Aww… aren't you just a precious little boy." Louise said happily.

"Aww… aren't you just a precious little boy." Damien repeated with no sarcasm.

Louise dropped Mathew on his head and put her hands on her hips, "Stop mocking me!"

Damien looked completely innocent, "Who said I was mocking you? I'm serious. You're ugly enough to be a little weird boy. How old are you anyway?"

Louise was outraged, "I'm twenty three!"

Damien nodded, "Yep, that's what I thought. Only two years younger than my grandmother."

Louise ran away crying.

Lyn woke up feeling really out of it. "What happened? Hey, why is Louise crying?"

Louise yelled over, while hiding in a corner, "It was that black haired boy! He called me old!"

Damien instantly smashed his head on his finger-painting, so his hair was now a natural looking red. Well at least, decent enough to fool Lyn.

"Rath!" Lyn exclaimed sharply, "How could you! That's it! Spankings for you boy!"

Rath squirmed and yelled as Lyn picked him up, "But my hair isn't black! It's green!"

Lyn shook her head, "Well since this is a fan based story and the fans are still fighting over which it is your hair is black."

Sain cursed, "Wait! Lady Lyndis! My hair is black! I did it! Spank me!" Sain glared at Damien, "Curse you! Curse you!"

Damien smirked.

Lyn placed the now screaming Rath on her lap and spanked him a few times. Well basically, the worst possible thing to happen at that exact moment happened.

**POOF!**

Lucius popped off of Rath, no longer a diaper, and onto the floor. Lucius cheered and exclaimed, "Fresh air!" and began kissing the ground.

Lyn paused spanking at the feeling of much more weight, and bare skin. Lyn twitched to see a full grown, now diaper less, Rath in front of her.

Rath said his usual, "…" at a serious loss for words.

Lyn turned a bright red and looked away as Rath removed himself from her lap and ran off looking for some pants.

Sain shrugged at the return of his normal self. Erk poofed back to his self, though still trapped in Sain's diaper, screaming and making all kinds of scratching noises, then finally one of the sound of Erk suffocating.

End of Chapter 6

The still RICK dog chuckled happily, "You see Erk, and how the male instinct will do anything for the woman he loves! It's quite marvelous!"

Erk scoffed, "Since when have you been an expert at romance? I still have no idea how you'll write that medieval fantasy romance."

RICK sharpened his claws, "Since never, I have no idea, and hey, how come only you guys transformed back to normal?"

Erk smiled, "Your guess is as good as mine, wait, on second thought… Beats me. But some other people have transformed back as well. So what's going to happen in the next chapter?"

RICK grinned back, "Well, Erk, I can't talk about it since I think some people are trying to kill me. And at this exact moment I have the hiccups."

Erk looked away and put a hand to his forehead, "God you're stupid."


End file.

Fire Emblem, Humor, Parody