Gundam Wing/AC 1. Are We There Yet?

Hey Heero, are we there yet?

Gijinka Destroyer

Heero sat up in the driver's seat of the Chevy minivan while keeping his eye on the freeway. Him and Duo were going to meet Relena and Hilde a whole mess of miles away. Just so you know, you should be feeling awfully sorry for Heero, being stuck in the same car as Duo.

"Hey Heero, " Duo said.

"What?"

"How much longer to we have to ride in this car? I'm so entirely bored…" Duo sighed. He was sitting in the very back with the entire luggage.

"Wow, you actually know what 'entirely' means." Heero said tonelessly like he always did.

Everyone was silent…for a moment.

"Hey Heero."

"What now, Duo?"

"Are we there yet?"  
"Don't you start that, now."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"_No! _Now shut up before I punch in your flat face!"

Once again, everyone was silent for about ten seconds.

"Hey Heero,"

"Leave me alone."

"Did you know that there are five-hundred thousand, two hundred and eighty-seven bricks that make up my house?"

"I don't care, Duo."

"And did you know that Disneyland actually makes all of their rides from scrap metal and that they're only lucky they're still in business?"

"I _really _don't care, Duo."

"And did you know that Sally Po is actually bald?"

"I sure hope you were just making that up."

"Nope. Saw her taking of her hair yesterday."

"Do me a favor and shut up before I crash this minivan into the bridge…on purpose."

"Isn't that suicide?"

"Exactly."

An hour later, Heero and Duo finally arrived at the town Relena and Hilde had to stay at. The two girls were called away for an interview with Channel 10 and they wanted the two guys to meet them there.

The girls welcomed their guests in.

"Uh, excuse me but…" Duo said.

"But what, Duo?" Hilde replied.

"I really, really, _really _gotta go to the bathroom!"

"Second door on the left."

As Duo went up the stairs, Heero laughed to his heart's content. "I'm surprised he didn't go on the luggage!"

After a few minutes, Hilde went upstairs to see why Duo wasn't out yet.

"Relena, Heero, I think I may need some help up here," she cried.

"What's the problem?" Relena asked.

Hilde sighed. "Duo got his head stuck in the towel closet."

Relena and Heero jumped. "How on earth did he manage to do that?"

So, how'd you like it? My very first, super-short humor story. I'll make a longer, funnier one next time. Please write a review for me; I need some support here!


	2. The Questioning

1.1.1 THE QUESTIONING  
  
Duo Maxwell has gotten himself into many a dilemma, and today is no different. Sure, he was pretty embarrassed about that last little incident, but no matter; he keeps on doing things like that. And this morning he found yet another way to bug Heero and all the others.and now, on to the Questioning:  
  
  
  
At the Winner Mansion (the morning after the car and the towel closet incident), Trowa and Quatre sat on the floor in front of the big screen TV watching the Saturday morning line-up of Lizzie McGuire and Even Stevens, while Wufei toiled alone behind the couch, struggling to follow the instructions on a DragonBall Z character model kit. Heero was in the kitchen in front of the stove(it was his turn to make breakfast), and Duo was also in the kitchen. He didn't know why; he just was. He sat at the table twiddling his thumbs, looking to his right at the glass sliding doors and the bright, calm light shining through them.  
  
"Hey Heero," he called.  
  
"What, Duo." Heero mumbled back.  
  
"The sunlight outside made me think of something."  
  
"And?"  
  
"It made me think of pencils."  
  
Heero stopped flipping pancakes (which he secretly enjoyed) and glared at Duo. "What do pencils have to do with the sun?"  
  
"I don't know. But I have a question."  
  
He continued to flip the pancakes. "Shoot."  
  
"Well, if #2 pencils are so popular then.why are they still #2?"  
  
Once again Heero paused to glare back at his funny friend, choking back a smile with a scowl, then remembered he had a pancake flying in mid- air and just barely caught it. Then he started putting the pancakes on plates and cooking the sausages.  
  
"Well then, can you answer this one?"  
  
"If it's not stupid like the last one," Heero tonelessly replied.  
  
"Okay. If I were to dress like Superman with the cape and everything, would I be able to fly?"  
  
He sighed. "Hopeless." he mumbled. "Just hopeless."  
  
"It's hopeless? Dang. Well then.what would you do for a Klondike bar?"  
  
"Nothing. I hate Klondike bars."  
  
"Really? How about a Reeses? Do you like Reeses?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh. Can you answer something else?"  
  
"What now?"  
  
"Can Apple Jacks increase the risk of car crashes?"  
  
"What-? What do Apple Jacks have to do with anything?" Heero looked back at the sausages he was cooking-which were close to burning-and hurried to get them off of the stove.  
  
"Just asking." He turned his head back to the sunlit door for a minute or so until everyone else joined in at the table. Before Quatre could pass by Heero and sit down next to Duo, Heero stopped him.  
  
"Maybe you should sit a seat away from Duo; he was looking out the window again and now he's curious about every little thing," Heero whispered to him.  
  
Quatre, however, chose to sit next to his second-best friend, anyway.  
  
"Hey Quatre," Duo started.  
  
"Yeah Duo?" replied Quatre.  
  
"Why's the sky blue?"  
  
"I don't know, but I've always wanted to."  
  
"Oh. Well, if Barbies are so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?"  
  
"I don't know that, either."  
  
"Dang. Hey Trowa, if my name was Red, would my favorite color still be Red?"  
  
And Trowa's normal answer was "."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"."  
  
"My mama what?"  
  
"."  
  
"Oh, that's okay; I don't know my mama, anyway."  
  
Trowa nodded.  
  
Wufei leaned over towards Heero. "How can he understand what Trowa's saying? Is he making it up?" he whispered.  
  
Heero replied, "I.I don't know.but I'm going to have breakfast in the living room today."  
  
  
  
  
  
What do you think? I've been on a roll with writing this week so I'm trying my luck with all sorts of stuff! Please review! 


	3. I Think It's A Marshmallow

AUTHOR NOTE: Wow, I would never have guessed I would as many reviews as I have! It's a lot in my case. Well, I'll keep writing and hope my luck holds out; here it goes! P.S: I'm going to change the description soon; one review stated that everyone says they're bored when they write funny stuff, and I just found out…IT'S TRUE!  
  
After all that happened that day, Duo still wasn't quite normal, but then again, was he ever in the world of FanFiction? It is after lunchtime now, and Duo has claimed the television to play Super Smash Brothers Melee, then he plays the Homerun Contest, and manages to find a question in it concerning the Sandbag…  
  
I Think It's A Marshmallow… by Gijinka Destroyer  
  
Heero sat on the couch (which seems to play a major role in this fic, doesn't it?), watching Duo pick Dr. Mario on Super Smash Bros. Melee, who was sitting on the floor (as he usually did).  
  
"You should pick Link," he suggested. "Or Pikachu. Maybe even Yoshi. Don't choose Little Link; he sucks."  
  
"It's not Little Link, it's Young Link!" corrected Duo as he entered the Home Run Contest. He pushed the Sand Bag to the side of the platform, then picked up the home run bat, pulled back, and slammed a 450.8 out of it. "Dang…maybe I will choose Link." He exited the stage, chose Link, and re-entered.  
  
"Told ya."  
  
After ignoring Heero and re-entering the arena he slammed the Sand Bag again and hit a 520.4. "Whoa! Link rocks!"  
  
"What'd I say?"  
  
Suddenly Duo was silent. A curious look—the familiar curious look—dawned on his face. The Questioning would happen all over again! "Hey Heero."  
  
Oh no, he thought. "What Duo?"  
  
"That thing in the Home Run contest; what is it?"  
  
"You don't know? For cryin' out loud, Duo, it's a San—" he froze. What a perfect opportunity! Let's see if he's smart enough to figure it out on his own! "Why, it's a pillow. Can't you tell?"  
  
"A pillow?" He looked at it a while. "Oh, I see! A pillow! I saw one just like that at Target!"  
  
"You…you did?"  
  
Tapping Duo on the shoulder was Quatre, who had just come downstairs from the bathroom. "Oh Duo, it's not a pillow!" he laughed, ready to get in on Heero's joke. "It's a jellybean!"  
  
"With eyes?" Duo asked. "Huh. Must be a new flavor of jellybean…well, I think it's a marshmallow—"  
  
"No, it's a jellybean…" Quatre leaned over to Heero and whispered, "wait 'til he gets the trophy and finds out for himself!"  
  
"Nah, I really think it's a marshmallow, guys…but then again, why would you want to beat on a marshmallow, anyway--?"  
  
"It's not a freakin' marshmallow, you dipstick!" Wufei yelled, stomping down the stairs.  
  
"Well then, Mr. I-know-everything-about-a-game-I-never-play, what is it?"  
  
"It's pigeon crap! A pigeon couldn't hold it so it went right on the Home Run Contest platform!"  
  
Heero almost fell of the couch at this idea, and Quatre had already face planted on the ground, pounding a fist into it in laughter. Duo didn't get the joke…yet.  
  
Nope, didn't get it at all. He just kept looking back as the Sandbag, then at every laughing face around him…back and forth, back and forth.  
  
And where does Trowa come in? Here, emerging from the kitchen, a small microwave pizza in his right hand, a can of red cream soda in the other, smiling as if all was right with the world.  
  
Suddenly he paused and looked around: first at Wufei, who was sitting on the back of the couch, then at Heero, who managed to get back onto the couch, then Quatre, who, apparently, hadn't stopped laughing yet, and finally, poor, puzzled Duo, who sat looking at the pillowish, jellybean- like, terd of a marshmallow, pondering its existence.  
  
"…!"  
  
"What's that, Trowa?" Duo looked back at Trowa. The others just looked at Duo (now they were puzzled).  
  
"…"  
  
"Huh? It's not? Get outta town!"  
  
"…" Trowa smiled.  
  
"Heero what?"  
  
In the middle for this "conversation," Wufei leaned over to Quatre. "Someone probably asked this before, but how come Duo can hear Trowa and Trowa can actually look like he's responding…when we can't even see his lips move?"  
  
A shrug silenced their talk.  
  
"…"  
  
Duo's eyes widened. "Really? Dang! Thanks, Trowa!" He turned to the rest of the former Gundam pilots. "So, that thingamajig wasn't a pillow, or a jellybean, or a marshmallow, or pigeon poop?"  
  
With ear to ear smiles (except from Heero), they nodded.  
  
"Well now that I know what it really is, you guys' little joke is through!"  
  
"Oh, I guess you know that is was a Sandbag now, huh?" Quatre put his hand behind his back.  
  
"What? Sandbag? No!"  
  
"But Duo…that's what it is."  
  
"No, no, no…it's not a Sandbag or whatever you said…Trowa told me so! It's really a…"  
  
Everyone leaned in, beginning to believe him somehow, and said in unison (excluding Trowa, who was cleaning up his spilt red cream soda), "Yeah?"  
  
"…a Loofa sponge!"  
  
BOOM! Everyone collapsed, confused, sickened and dismayed.  
  
"I'm right, aren't I?"  
  
  
  
****Weird ending, huh? Duo still doesn't know what it is. Well, please review and tell me what you liked, didn't like, what you thought was better or worse in Chapter 2…anything! I want to make a PERFECT Gundam Wing humor next time!**** 


	4. All I Wanted Was Pie

Are We There Yet? All I Wanted Was Pie. By Gijinka Destroyer.  
  
Duo Maxwell, that boy's still at it. Same day, too. This time he's bothering (ta da) Quatre. In the kitchen. Oh no. PS: It's not really as funny as the others in my opinion. I got the idea from my brother.  
  
Once again, Duo sat at the kitchen table, staring out the window. Quatre stood at the stove cooking shrimp pasta. As a matter of fact, that was one of the only reasons he was in there; for the pasta. But then again, as it always is with Duo, there was something else the matter…  
  
"Duo, you're still here?" Quatre said to Duo in shock (he'd been sitting there for forty-five minutes). He batted his hand like a girl would. "Shoo…shoo, Duo, shoo!"  
  
"But Quatre!" begged Duo. "I'm hungry!"  
  
"Wait in your room, Duo! Dinner's almost done!"  
  
"But I don't want pasta, dufus; I want pie. I know you're fixing a pie, Quatre."  
  
Quatre sweatdropped, and was lost in thought. Duo could smell a good apple pie like anyone could smell his feet! Darn. And he thought Duo wouldn't notice. "Why, no, I'm not making a pie today."  
  
"You are." Duo glared back at him. "Give me the pie, Quatre."  
  
"No! Not this time!" He shoved open the stove door and yanked out the hot apple pie. "This one's for the others!"  
  
Duo got up from his comfortable spot at the table. "Give…me…the…PIE!"  
  
"Nooooooooo!!" Quatre yelped and ran out the glass door to the yard.  
  
"You can run but you can't hide!"  
  
Running like a little sissy with his frilly apron on and the apple pie in both hands, Quatre made a run for the front of the yard (which was a long way away; after all, it is the Winner Mansion!). "You're…not…getting…my…pie…" he gasped back, panting every second, and leapt inside his car through the window. Then he slammed on the gas. "Gotta…get…to…Heero's house…"  
  
Of all the darn luck, Heero and the other guys were at the house of Heero himself, hoping Duo would be lured away from the pie and come over. It didn't work.  
  
Looking in the rear view mirror he was almost relieved…until Duo's shiny black car pulled out of the driveway, in hot pursuit. Suddenly, Quatre's car phone rang, and he automatically picked it up.  
  
"Hello? Quatre speaking," he said as if he wasn't in the middle of a car chase.  
  
"…" Trowa…umm…said (I guess).  
  
"Umm…no, I haven't lost him. I'll call you back, kay?" After "hearing" Trowa's OK, he hung up, but the phone rang again. He picked it up. "I told you I was gonna call you—"  
  
"Give me the pie, Quatre; you know you want to…" Duo's intimidating voice came through.  
  
"NO!!!" he hung up and threw the phone out the window. It ran into Duo's windshield and he screeched his favorite car to a stop, leaving Quatre to move ahead. "Free…" Quatre sighed.  
  
One minute of happiness passed before Quatre saw the horrifying sight; he was being cut off from the road ahead…by Duo, with his arm outstretched. Quatre screeched to a halt.  
  
"Give me the pie, Quatre…" Duo smiled a devilish smile, just to scare him.  
  
"You'll never take me alive, copper—I mean, Duo!" He leapt out of the car and made a run for Heero's house, which was only a matter of large steps away.  
  
"Give me the pie, Quatre…"  
  
"Never!" He turned on the doorknob and pushed the door open to reveal Heero, Trowa, and Wufei, playing Super Smash Brothers again (actually, Heero was sitting and sulking because Wufei kicked him off for cheating). "I'm here!" he called to them, but it was nearly too late; Duo had tripped him by grabbing his ankle. The prized pie flew in the air for seconds, until Heero jumped up to claim it.  
  
"Gotcha…" he announced.  
  
"NOOOOO!!! IT CAN'T BE!!!" Duo shot forth and snatched it from Heero, then whacked him in the head and jumped up onto a nearby bookshelf. "I've got it now!" he said and smirked, then took a chunk out of the pie and swallowed it.  
  
It was over…or was it?  
  
Duo almost spit it back out. "Ick! What the…oh no! It's COLD!" He threw the pie down in front of Quatre, remained in his little corner on the bookshelf, and sat, close to tears.  
  
"Ooops…I guess all that running and riding aired it out too much!" Quatre laughed, watching Duo drag his feet out the door and slam it.  
  
"Heh-heh…good trick, Quatre." Wufei hopped off of Heero's couch. "Now that we're done luring Duo away, let's bring the GameCube back to your place and we can feast on the real pie!"  
  
"Sure!" Quatre smiled. "I think that whole 'fake pie' thing turned out quite nicely!"  
  
"He never suspected a thing!" Heero sorta laughed, unplugging the GameCube as he did.  
  
"…!" (You know who said that)  
  
Quatre replied, "You're right, Trowa! He never suspected I hid the real pie in the fake bottom of the stove! Hehehe! Well, let's get outta here and eat!"  
  
  
  
  
  
Yes, I know…lame. But as I told you…the idea kinda came from my brother. Please R&R this moment's chapter! I wanna know what you think! 


	5. Where's Waldo?

**Are We There Yet**

**Chapter Five: Where's Waldo?**

So…here we are again, in the Winner Mansion. Even after the car incident, the Questioning, the Marshmallow and the Pie, Duo is still overly curious…and he's been digging under his bed again…

Everything was eerily quiet today. Trowa reading a book, Quatre playing Dragon Ball Z Budokai (on his new PS2, even), and Wufei grumbling over his model kits again. Heero was typing on that little laptop we all know and love, but Duo wasn't there! It was actually quiet!

"Where's Duo today?" Quatre asked while Radditz wailed on little Krillin (him). 

"Stuff," Heero replied, continuing his typing. "I called a while ago; he said he was cleaning his room."

"Oh no. Whatever it is he finds in there, he'd better not bring it here."

"…"

"What did Trowa say?"

Wufei shrugged. "We need Duo to translate him for us."

Suddenly the door flew open. Speak of the devil, there's Duo, with a big book in his hand, and he shouted with his head held high, "WHERE'S WALDO!!!"

"What?"

"What's he talking about?" Quatre asked. Heero shrugged. Trowa spilled his soda again.

"WHERE IS WALDO! It's been under my bed for years, but I found it!"

"That's a child's book," Heero responded.

"Yeah, but it's my favorite!" Duo shoved Trowa off the couch, threw Heero's laptop away like a Frisbee and replaced it with his old Where's Waldo book. "See, look! Here's a Waldo, and here's his cousin Waldo, and here's Waldo's cousin Waldo's brother Waldo, and—"

"Take your book and leave me alone."

"And here's Waldo's brother Waldo's manly-looking sister Waldo, and here's her cousin Waldo who is also the cousin of this Waldo here—"

"I don't care!"

"And here's that Waldo's grandpa Waldo who has a grandson named Waldo on the next page, right—um—here, and this grandson named Waldo is the best friend of this Waldo standing by the train station, and he's actually the son of the Waldo hiding behind the fat guy—"

"Shut _up_, you buttwipe!"

"What'd you call me, you triskit?"

"I called you a buttwipe, son!"

"Yeah, and I called you a triskit, you purple kangaroo with stripes!"

"And I called you son, you daughter of a raving rainbow monkey--!"

"That's _enough!_" came an unfamiliar voice. Everyone fell silent for a moment, until they noticed that it was the voice of the guy on the floor, Trowa Barton.

In silence he pushed Duo back off the couch, sat down, and opened his book. "I am trying to read."

And a moment of silence again.

And again.

And again.

Until Duo. "You're a triskit, Heero."

"Shut up, buttwipe."


	6. Fun With Prank Calls

**Are We There Yet?** Chapter 6: **Fun With Prank Calls**

Well, who knew it would come to this for Duo. After being booted from the living room by Trowa, Heero returned to his laptop, Quatre pouted in the kitchen, Wufei locked himself away with his model kits, and Duo, our favorite little bug, has hidden away in Quatre's room.

"Hello, this is Bath & Body Works," said the woman on the phone.

"Hello," said Duo. "My name is Apu. I love goats. Will you go out with me?"

"Um...no, I don't think so."

"Please? I'll give you a dollar."

"Really? Okay!"

"Great. We'll meet at the Winner Estate in...say, fifteen minutes." Duo hung up and dialed again.

"Peacecraft residence," said Milliardo.

Duo cleared his throat, then said, "Hey, you!"

"Who's this?"

"This is Inuyasha! You said you were gonna meet me at Quatre's!"

"W-What? Inuyasha? But we agreed on Saturday at Kagome's--"

"No, you said 'Friday at noon at Quatre's.' That's what'cha said. You're late!"

"Sorry, Yasha, I must've forgot! I'll be over right away!" Milliardo slammed down the phone, charging out the door.

_This is great! _thought the little prankster. _Just one more call to go..._

"Duo!" Heero hollered through the wall. "Get off the phone already! I'm bidding on a gas-powered skateboard in here!"

"Keep your ugly spandex pants on!" He picked the phone up once again.

"Huh? Hello?"

"Yasha, where are you?" he said (in Milliardo's voice). "Weren't we meeting at Quatre's today?"

"Wha? No way! I said _Saturday _at noon, you moron! At Kagome's!"

"Oh, no, I clearly recall Friday at noon at Quatre's. You're late, so hurry up."

Duo was beaming as he hung up the phone. It was all so perfect! Could nothing make a better day?

He dashed down the steps, launching Trowa and his soda back off the long staircase, and innocently sat down to watch a Trigun episode he recorded.

"..." Trowa mumbled.

"Don't worry; soda washes out the carpet."

And, to Duo's delight, the doorbell rang.

"I'LL GET IT!!!" screamed Quatre, making a mad dash for the door to find Milliardo fiddling with his hair.

"...Um...Afternoon, Quatre. Is Yasha here yet?"

"Yasha?"

"Yes. Yasha...Inu Yasha. Is he here yet? I thought he was here."

Quatre stared at him, probably wondering just who the heck Inuyasha is. Or why they were meeting at his house. Or why they were meeting at all! "Um, I don't remember being told you were coming, Zechs. Who is this Inuyasha?"

"What? Uhhh..." He fiddled with his hair even more, glancing all around the living room. "He's a friend of mine, is all. Are you sure you don't recall--"

"Hey, you!" called Inuyasha, swooping down from the roof. "What's with the change of plans so quick, huh?"

"Change of plans? But didn't _you _change them?"

By this time the five ex-pilots were lined up outside the door, watching everything but understand nothing. Nothing at all.

"Don't you go blaming this on me, you! I remember 'noon Saturday at _Kagome's_' 'cause Kagome's place is closer to downtown--"

"Details, details! I don't recall--"

"HELLLOOOOO APUUUUUU!!" came an annoying yet familiar voice from down the lane.

"Oh, no," said Heero.

"It isn't!" Wufei denied.

"WOW!" Duo exclaimed. "This just keeps getting better!"

I'm sure you know who it is, don't you? Yes, it's Relena Peacecraft, who degraded herself from Queen of the World to "Hello, this is Bath & Body Works." "APPPUUU! IT'S YOOOU!" she squealed, clamping herself to Inuyasha's arm. "Where's my dollar?"

"What? Dollar? I ain't got no money!"

Milliardo's face went beet red, his expression transformed into something you'd see in a very angry episode of Rurouni Kenshin. "INUYASHA!!!!"

"_What? _I don't even know this loon--!"

"Yes you do, Apu!" Relena said. "You called me up and asked to go out with me, remember?"

"The heck?!?"

"YASHA!!!"

So Milliardo commenced to beating Yasha (and Relena) upside the head with the roses he brought along with him, which is quite disturbing when you think about it. After all, it's Milliardo and Inuyasha. Duo was beside himself with joy; lucky for him he swiped Quatre's video camera, just for the occasion of Zechs, Relena, and special guest Inuyasha duke it out. Trowa had a horrified look on his face watching this act of extreme thorny carnage, while Quatre turned blue from lack of air. (He hadn't breathed since Yasha appeared.) Wufei and Heero, however, didn't know exactly what was going on, but they knew who was to blame.

He's _always _to blame.

The three victims outside paused to let Heero shove Duo into the circle. "Take him, too," Wufei and Heero said.

The three flower wrestlers stared at the scared little demon, shrugged, and beat him up, too.

* * *

_Sorry, folks; I just couldn't let Duo have a good day. ^_^_


End file.

Gundam Wing/AC, Humor