Gundam Wing/AC 1. The Begining

Gundam Wing: Survivor Island  
Chapter One: The Beginning...  
By: Shinigami 2.0  
  
  
  
This is a combined spoof of "Survivor" and "Temptation Island." I apologize in advance for the attitude of Dorothy, and the treatment of Quatre. Disclaimer: I don't own either Gundam Wing or Survivor, or Temptation Island, and I never will. This fic is dedicated to a 'friend' known only as Shinigami.  
  
  
"Welcome to the first edition of Celebrity Survivor. With us today are: Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Trowa Barton, Quatre Rebera Winner, Wufei Chang, Relena Dorlan, Hilde Sheinken, Cathrine Bloom, Dorothy Catalonia, and Sally Po. They will be competing for a 3 million dollar prize. Once in a while, they will vote on a person to leave the island. The last person here wins. Every once in a while, gifts will be flown in. Good luck.", the Announcer briefed as the pilots on what to do.  
  
"I don't like this." Quatre said as he looked around the Island.  
"This sucks!" Duo muttered, "Whatta bunch 'a B.S.! T bet this is some practical joke. It's gotta be."  
"Maybe it's a training exercise," said Heero, "on survival."  
Wufei, however, was extremely cocky, "I'll beat all of you weaklings!"  
He took out his kitana and started hacking away at the underbrush. Almost instantly, Wufei came across a clearing.  
"Attention castaways!" a loud speaker blared, "If you walk ahead, we will vote on who leaves first."  
As the small group shuffled forward off, Quatre noticed that Dorothy was missing. Turning, Quatre saw a slender hand beckoning him over to a thicket of bushes.  
"Dorothy?" Quatre squeaked as he followed the hand into the bushes.  
The hand snagged his shoulder and yanked him in. Quatre screeched. He heard giggling ahead of him, very girlish. Quatre was dragged for several yards, stumbling behind the mysterious woman. Finally, he stopped. Quatre flinched as a purple jacket was thrown in his face. He removed it, only to find Dorothy in front of him, naked. She stood there, smiling mysteriously.  
"I want you," she muttered, "and to bear your children..."  
Quatre's eyes bugged wider than dinner plates. He swallowed, hard. The smell of roses on her skin, the scent of mangoes in her hair seemed to intoxicate him. Dorothy closed in- ready to kiss him. Quatre, not surprisingly, freaked out. Screaming, Quatre ran out of the bushes, and slammed right into Duo. He had gone looking for Quatre when the blondes hadn't shown up.  
"Hide me Duo!" Quatre screeched, "Dorothy's gone crazy!!"  
"Whatta you mean?" Duo wondered.  
"Dorothy wants to make love to me, and have my kids!" he explained, out of breath.  
"Err..." the God of Death stuttered.  
  
When the small group finally got together, they were instructed to go the "Tribal Council Chamber"- or, a grass field with a few buildings in it. The group was instructed to vote for who would leave first. When they were ready, they walked up to a camera, said the name, and a reason why. Everyone clustered around the camera.  
Quatre ran up, freeing himself from Dorothy's grasp, and waffled, "Me! I gotta go! Dorothy's a sex maniac, she's finding a spot where there are no cameras to do it with me! Help!"  
Duo walked up and placed his hand on Quatre's shoulder (the blonde pilot was now in Dorothy's grasp again), "Quatre. I pity him..."  
Wufei began to rant about how weak Duo was, but was stopped by a long kiss from Sally. Before he could continue, Hilde, Relena, and Sally all agreed with Duo. It was Heero's turn now. He walked up.  
"I'm voting for Relena. She's annoying." Heero took his ever-present gun out and pointed it at the other castaways, "Vote for her, or omae o korosu."  
Left with no choice, Trowa, Dorothy, Wufei, and Cathrine all agreed. The announcer appeared on the loudspeaker, sounding furious.  
"What?" he shouted, "It's a tie? Ok... Both Relena and Quatre go!"  
Quatre squirmed free from Dorothy's hold, screaming, "THANK GOD!"  
"Where do we go?" Relena asked, curious.  
A bomb shelter lit up nearby.  
"In there..." the announcer ominously whispered.  
Relena was grabbed roughly from the left side, and was dragged to the shelter. It was Quatre dragging her at 50-odd mph. They slipped inside the door of the shelter, and it slammed loudly behind them.  
"Quatre!" Dorothy shouted, almost as if in pain, reaching out for him.  
Heero touched a spot on her neck, and Dorothy slumped over, unconscious.  
"Thank you." Trowa mumbled, bowing slightly.  
"Hnn..." muttered Heero, still glad that Relena was gone.  
  
"This sucks!" complained Duo, wandering aimlessly around the group, "Man, this is so un-cool."  
Cathrine began rummaging around in her backpack that she had brought with her. She pulled out some throwing knives.  
"Ah! Practice time!" Cathrine cheered, advancing on Trowa.  
Trowa began to whimper and hind behind Duo.  
"I'm starving!!!" whined Duo for what seemed the hundredth time, "What's for dinner, Heero?"  
Heero straightened up and tossed a brown, furry, object at Duo. He prodded at the smelly carcass for a few minutes before he realized what it was. It was a rat.  
"Eat up." Smirked Heero.  
Hilde's nose wrinkled up in disgust as she screeched, "A RAT!?! YOU want us to eat a RAT!?!"  
"Trowa~," Cathy smiled evilly, advancing on Trowa, "You don't want to practice?"  
"NOOO!!" Trowa almost screeched as he turned and ran right into a tree.  
With Cathrine distracted, Hilde made a grab for the throwing knives. With little resistance, she quickly surrendered the knives.  
"I'm sorry..." Cathy apologized.  
Duo and Heero were arguing fiercely over the rat.  
"I'm NOT gonna eat a fucking RAT!" Duo protested.  
"Yes," Heero whispered as he removed his ever-present pistol and pointed it at Duo, "you will, or omae o korosu."  
Duo gulped before he whined, "I don't wanna! Besides, we don't have a barbeque to cook it over..."  
He immediately shut his mouth as a barbeque floated down, strapped to a parachute. Heero smiled, as Duo looked in the barbeque, only to find a box of matches, charcoal, and lighter fluid.  
Turning up to the sky, Duo shouted, "Damn you! You're doing this for the ratings, aintcha?"  
  
"You know," Duo groaned, disgusted, "rat doesn't taste that bad... not half good, either, though."  
Heero grinned again as he extinguished the flames on the barbeque.  
"Attention Castaways!" the announcer announced, "Commune to vote on the next person to go."  
The vote was almost unanimous.  
"Heero," groaned Duo, "he made me eat a fucking rat..."  
He then proceeded to throw up the remaining food in his stomach.  
Hilde walked up and put her hand on Duo's shoulder, "Heero, because he made my poor Duo sick..." she said as she helped Duo hobble away.  
Trowa shuffled up-after prodding from Cathy-and fingered a lump growing on top of his head as he mumbled, "Heero, because he's mean..."  
Cathy stalked up, depressed, and screeched, "Heero. Poor Duo..."  
Dorothy was still unconscious. Wufei and Sally were off in the bushes together, and-judging from the noises coming from there-wouldn't be disturbed.  
"In a 5 to 0 to 3 vote," the announcer sighed, "Heero goes..."  
  
Heero trudged into the shelter. He could see a few beds and such scattered about as he walked down some nearby stairs. However, what really caught Heero's attention was Quatre, being bear-hugged by Relena. Heero stumbled down some more stairs as he tried to make sense of what was going on.  
"What the hell?" he shouted.  
"Heero," squeaked Quatre, "help me-aaackk!"  
"Get away, Heero," Relena intoned forcefully, hugging Quatre like a teddy bear, "I love him. Besides, you hate me... Don't you?"  
Heero only stared in bemusement as Relena tried to have her way with Quatre.  
"HeY!" protested Quatre, "I don'T Want tO have SEX with yOu! Could yoU STOp?"  
  
Owari!  
  
Will Quatre go all the way with Relena? Will Heero confess his feelings for Relena? What are Sally and Wufei doing? Will you have to wait for another chapter to find out? Well, I can answer that one; yes. Cue diabolical laughter.  
  
Shinigami 2.0 


	2. The End

Gundam Island Survivor  
By Shinigami 2.0  
  
Hi there! This is the next half of this story I hope you enjoy it... For the disclaimer, look at chapter one. Here begins chapter 2: the finale.  
  
  
Duo was sick. Not JUST sick, 'Exorcist' sick.  
"Uuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!"  
"Uuuuurrrrrggghhhh!"  
"Uuuaaarrrggghhh..."  
"Urgh..."  
"I feel better now..." Duo groaned.  
Duo stood up from his crouch, and stumbled over to the small campfire that the crew had made earlier. Duo may have felt better, but he was obviously woogy. He had a strange desire to wear a grass skirt and throw spears at things. Grinning like there was no tomorrow, Cathy was telling a glorified version of how she stopped Trowa from self-detonating. Trowa sat grumpily beside her.  
"Ooh," groaned Dorothy, rubbing her neck, "What hit me?"  
"Heero did..." explained Hilde, sighing.  
Duo, giggling like a schoolgirl, snuck off into the woods. When he came back, Duo was wearing a grass skirt and wearing war paint.  
"Aiah!" he shouted as he charged at the group, throwing rocks and brandishing a spear.  
"Is that you, Duo?" asked Trowa, confused.  
"He's gone native!" Dorothy shouted, "Not that bad a body, though..."  
"Shut up, whore." scolded Hilde, "Musta been the rat..."  
"Aiah!" he repeated, "Asukah mookah Shinigami!"  
"What the hell?" Dorothy shouted as she was hit by one of the thrown rocks.  
Duo ran up to Hilde and hit her over the head, "My mate. Ugh..."  
"Hilde's gonna love this..." mentioned Trowa, grimacing.  
Duo took some homemade rope and quickly tied up the group of three. He then dragged the unconscious Hilde over to the small campfire.  
"Attention castaways!" the announcer announced, "We will now vote on the next person to leave."  
The three present, conscious - English speaking - members conversed the subject over. After a few minutes of deliberation, the three decided. All three of them looked to the camera and shouted:  
"Dorothy!" Trowa and Cathy both shouted.  
"ME!" Dorothy cheered, "Quatre-kun! I'm coming!"  
With that decided, Dorothy squirmed free of the ropes - allowing the others to get free. Trowa and Cathy tied up Duo with the said rope. Carrying Duo over to a grassy field, Trowa accidentally dropped the struggling Duo on his head. Trowa blushed slightly as he picked up the screaming Duo.  
"Hey!" screeched Duo, now normal again, "Put me down!  
"You, ah," stuttered Trowa, "you back to normal?"  
Dou's anger was evident as he screeched, "YES I'M BACK TO F***ING NORMAL!"  
Trowa's answer was simple, "Oh."  
  
(*_*)  
  
Wufei slipped out of some bushes. His hair was a complete mess. Lipstick covered his face. Wufei's clothing was torn in several places and was torn in several places.  
"Where is everybody?" the Chinese man asked, looking around.  
A small slender arm snaked out of those bushes. It wrapped around Wufei's neck.  
"Sally," whispered Wufei, his voice tender and caring.  
"Mm, Wufei," Sally whispered in Wufei's ear, the rustling of clothing in the background, "you were wonderful last night..."  
Sally Poe stepped out of the bushes, her clothing now in place. The clothing was worse off than Wufei's. Sally, however, was blushing.  
"Come on," she smirked, tugging at Wufei's arm, "let's go find the others."  
  
(*_*)  
  
"What's for lunch?" Duo asked innocently.  
"Shut up you leech." Snapped Cathy.  
Just then, Wufei and Sally came into view. Wufei had been able to was off his lipstick and gel his hair down again, but he and Sally still held hands. Duo noticed that instantly.  
"So..." Duo slyly remarked, "Wufei, you dog, did you and Sally do anything last night?"  
Both of the people in question blushed considerably.  
Hilde smiled, "...and what about those noises last night?"  
"We... err... I... uh..." Wufei stammered.  
"That is... we... erm... ah..." Sally tried to continue.  
"That's OK." Trowa waved, "We can imagine instead."  
"Attention money-making pawns - err, I mean, castaways!" shouted the announcer, "Time to vote!"  
  
(*_*)  
  
Trowa walked up to the camera and whispered, "Me. I have to go to the bathroom - in a SANITARY bathroom."  
Cathy walked up, her eye twitching as she screeched, "ME! I GOTTA GO!!!"  
Duo snuck over to the camera and muttered, "Wufei. I'm the only womanizer around here."  
Hilde ran up, angry, and muttered, "Sally. Me and Duo have done it hundreds of times, but we never have received any publicity..."  
Wufei and Sally were making out by the fire, and too busy to care.  
"Err... Wufei, Trowa, Cathy, and Sally leave." The announcer sighed.  
  
(*_*)  
  
Inside the bunker, every woman was chasing after Quatre, except Sally. She was, again, making out with her Chinese lover.  
"This is very scary..." observed Trowa.  
"Please help me!" Quatre screeched, then shouted, "I'm not gonna take this! I'm gay, for god's sake!"  
This new bit of information didn't faze them one bit. They continued to chase after the gay blonde. Heero continued to observe the entire fiasco with a small, almost invisible, smirk on his face.  
  
(*_*)  
  
It was just Hilde and Duo now. Neither wanted to lose, but they'd promised each other they'd split the money 50-50.   
"Hilde," sighed Duo, removing a small ring from his back pocket, "will you marry me?"  
Hilde was silent for several minutes, then shrieked, "YES!"  
"Ok then," said Duo, standing up, "Hey! You! I give up! Hilde wins!"  
"Duo..." Hilde sighed, tears welling up in her eyes.  
As if on cue, the other 8 contestants walked up. Quatre had Heero's ever-present gun trained on all of the girls, trembling slightly.  
"Who won?" Trowa asked the two lovebirds.  
"Both of us." They cryptically replied, smiling.  
"Hey!" Quatre shouted, looking around, "How do we get off this island?"  
  
  
OWARI!  
  
Did you like it? I hope so, maybe I'll make another spoof of a much-loved TV game show. Next fic is gonna be a little more serious...  
  
Shinigami 2.0  



End file.

Gundam Wing/AC, Humor