Once Upon a Time 1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own OUAT or _Hoarders_. Yes, I did spend an entire day marathoning _Hoarders_ and my house has never been cleaner. Will be multiple chapters. **

"You're really fine with me going camping with Ruby and the girls all weekend?" Emma asked tentatively as she shoved a couple clean shirts into her already over-stuffed bag. "'Cause I don't have to go. Or you could come. They said it was fine; no hard feelings about past heart theft or asylum sentences, really."

"Go, Emma," Regina ordered, palm held upwards in a silent offer to take the smaller of the two bags at the savior's feet. "I have no desire to sleep on the dirt and watch Miss Lucas attempt to light herself on fire for the sake of s'mores."

"You'd have fun," the blonde protested. One weekend away with the girls was all well and good, but an entire weekend alone with the girls and her girlfriend? Priceless. "My tent is big enough for two; Ruby won't mind bunking with Belle. We can go hiking, and fishing, and swimming in the pond-"

The mayor glared at the younger woman, quietly contemplating the extent of their six month relationship in relation to all of the things Emma had seemingly forgotten about her in the span of five minutes. "I don't hike, dear, and fishing is something best left to professionals if you'd rather eat sometime over the weekend. And swimming-" Regina shuddered at the very thought of willingly subjecting one toe, let alone her entire body, to the no-doubt leech infested waters of Storybrooke's one and only pond in the middle of the woods. "Well, there are certain luxuries I've grown accustomed to in this world, and filtered water is one of them."

"I'm going to miss you."

"It's two days. I'm sure you can survive the weekend without me. But if you're unsure, you could always call Archie and see if he has an available session before you leave to discuss your co-dependency issues."

"You're going to miss me," Emma tried. "All alone in this big empty house of yours with no one to talk to. C'mon, Regina! Even Henry managed to find something to do this weekend. You can't tell me you actually want to spend the time alone."

Regina shrugged. "_Hoarders_ is running a marathon this weekend. I could catch up on the episodes while you're off playing Tarzan in the woods."

Really? An entire weekend of a germophobic Regina watching a show about people with incredibly filthy and cluttered houses? Emma smirked. She wouldn't be the only one on Archie's couch come Monday morning bemoaning other people's troubles. "I wouldn't really be Tarzan without my Jane, would I? And _Hoarders_, Regina? You'd have an anxiety attack ten minutes into the episode at the sight of those houses, Miss-Remove-Your-Filthy-Socks-From-The-Sanctity-Of -My-Newly-Polished-Floors. You freaked out last week when I wore my boots upstairs and left them at the foot of the bed."

"There's a shoe rack for a reason, Emma. Besides, Archie said it might be good for me to expose myself to situations out of my control."

"That's me," Emma replied flatly. She was the situation out of the former Evil Queen's control, with her boots well away from the assigned shoe rack, propensity to sleep in well past noon on any given day, and general acceptance of everything guaranteed to grate on the brunette's nerves. "I'm your out of control thing, not some t.v show that's going to drive you crazy. Hell, you still reorganize Henry's comic books according to name, episode number, and- I'm pretty sure you color-coded some of them."

"There's nothing wrong with being well-organized, dear, which is something you might want to consider." She looked pointedly to the duffel bag complete with straining zipper that threatened to burst. "You might find that your bags close easier when you fold your clothes rather than shove them in without care."

The bag was fine; well, it would probably survive the trip into the woods without busting. "See? That's why I need you to come this weekend." Emma took a page from Henry's book and grinned in that special way of his that manipulated his mothers so easily. Big blue eyes widened, chin tucked down, eyelashes batted.

"Stop that. You look ridiculous."

"Adorable," the blonde countered.

"Like a giant, annoying Chihuahua."

"It's working, isn't it?" Emma blinked. She didn't know how the kid did it without straining his eyes. "You wanna go camping with me. Admit it. The thought of staying in this huge house is driving you crazy when you could spend the weekend with me-"

"Sleeping on the dirt and watching you try to catch dinner with your bare hands? Hardly."

"We have fishing poles! And hotdogs. Oh, and Granny promised to send some of her potato salad." In a move she would later regret, Emma scooted forward and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend, burrowing her head into the dark hair skirting the other woman's shoulder. "It's ten minutes from the house, 'Gina. All I'm asking for is one night, that's it. If you hate it, you can drive back home in the morning and spend the rest of the weekend watching whatever you want."

"I'm not sleeping on the dirt," Regina relented.

Emma grinned. "I have an air mattress, your Majesty, and sleeping bags. So, you'll go?"

"What do I get out of it?"

"Besides an entire weekend with me? Uninterrupted time." The kid was adorable and all but he really had the worst timing Emma had ever encountered in another person. Two weeks after the sheriff moved in, she had to have the awkward conversation with the eleven year old about how it was no longer appropriate to burst into his mother's room at all hours of the night. Instead, he stood outside her door in the middle of night after waking from a nightmare pounding on the door until he was granted admittance. It was a lesson they all were glad to have learned.

That, and parental controls on the computer were a parent's best friend.

"One night," Regina repeated warily.

"One night camping. If you hate it, I will personally drive you back to flushing toilets and microwaved food and weekend t.v. marathons."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Whoa! This should have been posted a while ago. I'm sorry for the delay. Long story short: I lost the file, couldn't remember the file name, and spent my time clicking through all of my files to find the right one. Next chapter should be up Thursday night at the latest. **

"Are we there yet?"

Emma squinted up at the sun. There was a reason she wanted to bring Regina camping- the allure of the Evil Queen lost in the woods, dependent on her more world-savvy girlfriend was irresistible, but the incessant questions as to their whereabouts was not contributing to the overall image she desired. True, Regina looked positively adorable in hiking boots, blue jeans- even the petulant scowl she wore when she realized there were creases in her borrowed tank top was cute- but whining incessantly like a five year old child about the half mile hike to the camping spot? Not cute at all. "It's the middle of the freaking woods, Regina. We'll get there when we get there!"

Even Aurora, the perpetual whiner, had the sense to keep her mouth shut as she clung to Mulan's shirt sleeve near the head of the pack. The Princess dared a sympathetic glance back to the sheriff, avoiding the former queen's eyes entirely, and shrugged her shoulders. As if by silent decree, she had agreed to not make a sound in the former Evil Queen's presence, and Emma had to wonder if Sleeping Beauty intended to keep her mouth shut the entire weekend.

"I didn't sign up for this, dear," Regina replied snootily, stepping over a rotting log that blocked her path. The new hiking boots Emma had insisted on purchasing before they left the main part of town chaffed against the heavy wool socks (also Emma-provided) she was mandated by the expert on all things camping to wear. She was not even willing to consider the odd smells that permeated the thin tank she had been forced to borrow under sheer duress and explanation that anything designer was out of place for the woods- sweat and Cheerios, a lovely combination. "You said we were going camping, not trailblazing through the backwoods of Maine."

"I definitely said hiking,'Gina," the sheriff retorted. "What did you expect? That we would drive your car up to the camping site and that would be it?" Emma chanced a glance to her side, confirming her suspicions. "You did! You actually thought we would park the car where you could sleep in it if you wanted or drive away in the middle of the night."

Narrowed eyes, thin frown- tell tale signs of impending doom.

Emma gulped and ran a reassuring hand down Regina's forearm. "I told you we would be hiking, babe. I didn't realize you didn't get that we were hiking to the camping site. It'll get better from here, I promise."

"Site's over the ridge," Ruby called from the head of the group, bouncing happily at the top of the hill. Belle stood wearily beside her, shoulders slumped under the weight of her pack. She, too, had been wary of the hike introduced by the more energetic members of their party but trudged through the mud and muck like a champ for the promise of Granny's potato salad.

"See? We're really close. It's just over that ridge."

"Ridge?" Regina appraised the so-called ridge. If she were Henry's age and full of seemingly endless energy or allowed to use magic to teleport herself up the hill- sure, then the ridge didn't look so bad. Even pack-less thanks to Emma's pity, her shoes chaffed, her newly purchased blue jeans were too tight, and she was hungry to top it all off. "How far over that next ridge, Emma?"

"Quarter of a mile, maybe," Emma revealed cautiously. She popped the bags slung over her shoulder, distributing the weight more evenly over her back. Wasn't like Regina had anything to complain about when Emma was the one shouldering both of their bags (reorganized to the mayor's high standards) to make it easier for the brunette to hike away from her precious car. "It's farther to go back."

"Not the way I'm planning."

The blonde scowled, straining under the weight of the bags and the possibility of a potential sprint should her girlfriend make a run for it back to the car. "No magic, Regina. You promised Henry you wouldn't use magic unless it was an emergency. And this is not an emergency. Look at Aurora. She's trekking it without complaining every five minutes, and we expected it out of her!"

"Excuse me!"

"Shut up, Princess!" Emma hollered, glaring daggers at the formerly, pleasantly silent Aurora. Really, the girl was more trouble than she was worth but the arguments from Mulan, long and largely drawn out of how she had to protect the perpetual whiner, weren't worth living through more than once. Lowering her voice, she faced Regina and attempted a weak smile. "I know this isn't your idea of a good weekend, but I'm really happy you're here and trying, even if you hate everything about this. I promise you the camp site is just over the ridge, and then you can sit on a log or something and watch the rest of us set up the tents and get the fire started. No complaints from me whatsoever. I just want you to try to have fun."

Regina visibly deflated. She knew she had become unbearable, even recognized the piteous looks from her former constituents to her dear sheriff, but Regina Mills had never been designed for hiking or camping or any of the other things Emma deemed fun and exciting when it came to outdoor activities. She had been a Queen, the daughter of the Miller's daughter who had schemed for a place amongst the nobility- as such, she had never hiked in her life or gone camping, for that matter. "Just over the ridge it is then, dear, but remember, I'm not assisting you in setting up your little tent."

"Duly noted, babe. Can we finish the hike now or should we stand here attracting spiders and bugs all day?" Emma asked sweetly as she anxiously awaited the squealed response from her companions.

Aurora didn't disappoint, but Regina merely scowled in response to the threat of creepy crawlies and replied, "You should be so lucky that I promised Henry I wouldn't use magic, otherwise you might find yourself squished under the heel of my-"

Emma grinned and offered, "Hiking boot?"

"No magic," came a hard response from the top of the hill where Ruby bounced from foot to foot in anticipation of continuing on down the hill. The werewolf cocked her head to the side, shifting her heavy bag to sit more fully on her shoulders. "What's the holdup? Aurora realize her Prince isn't coming to rescue her from a snake or something?"

"I-I don't always do that, do I?" Aurora asked, eyes wide. "I-I, it wasn't me this time."

Emma trudged ahead with Regina in tow as Mulan attempted to explain the happenings around them to the confused Princess. One might think walking around the Enchanted Forest would have done Sleeping Beauty some good, but it turned out there was nothing yet found to toughen her up. Though, Emma concluded, she really couldn't say anything when her own girlfriend scowled at every rock, log, and bush they encountered as if it had personally slighted her in some heinous fashion.

Oh yeah, it had been a great plan to beg Regina to go camping.


	3. Chapter 3

"More to the left," Regina offered, pointing to the flat patch of grass between two trees. She sat on her log, as promised by Emma, and had taken to directing the flow of traffic and tents and camp fires around her. It was with some amusement that she watched the princesses vie for premium dirt space in which to set up their respective tents.

"Can't set up there, Regina," Emma replied tiredly, shaking her head in frustration with the overpriced scrap of fabric the store had deigned worthy of the name tent. "There's not enough room and it's too far away from the fire pit."

The mayor frowned. "It would fit if you would stop complaining and actually tried it. The tent isn't as big as you'd like to think, Emma."

Emma grunted but waved Ruby over to help, tearing the brunette from her guard over the potato salad. "Her royal highness thinks the tent will fit in between those two trees."

Ruby cocked her head to the side to appraise the area, biting back a fit of laughter at the tiny space between the two pines. "Sure, it would fit if you didn't have to try and cram two people in there with an air mattress. Otherwise, it's not going to happen." A dark brow quirked. "Why are you taking camping advice from Queen of the Designer Everything, anyway? She's already said she's never done this before."

"I'd like to get laid eventually," Emma retorted flatly, not caring how she sounded. "If she wants to hold court on her royal log and boss me around like she actually knows what's going on, fine. I just need you to explain to her that the tend will not fit in between those two trees."

"Won't fit, Regina! Tent's too big for that tiny space with the air mattress!"

A sigh.

"Just stick it next to Mulan's, dear. It will be closer to the fire that way."

The blonde turned to observe Ruby's self-satisfied grin. With a slack jaw and wide eyes, she asked, "How did you do that? I thought I was actually going to have to try and set up the tent there to show her it wouldn't fit. What's your secret?"

Ruby grinned. "I'm not scared of the Queen's wrath; also, I'm not completely whipped. Stop worrying about whether or not she has fun this weekend, that's not on you. If she hates it, it's because she doesn't like hanging out in the middle of the woods without indoor plumbing; it's not because she doesn't like hanging out with you."

"When did you become a shrink?"

"About two days after I realized you had a thing for our Madam Mayor but weren't likely to do anything about it because when you get involved, you get involved, and Regina's nothing short of cold to those outside her little circle. It wasn't until after you told me about the family that sent you back to foster care that I put two and two together."

The sheriff smirked and pushed farther through the rudimentary assessment,"And somehow you came out with an over eagerness to please and sheer terror about the possibility that she's going to up and leave me if I don't do something her way?" Emma leaned against the metal tubing intended to hold the tent up in the event of high wind or rain and pondered Ruby's unsaid conclusion, as well as her own assessment. "You could give Archie a run for his money if you wanted."

The waitress chuckled softly and knocked her friend out of her leaning position, freeing up the tent kit. "You said it, not me, and not likely. Listening to all of you bitch about your problems all day? No thanks. I think Regina must have secretly hated Archie to subject him to that for twenty-eight years." Ruby knocked over the canvas bag with the rest of the tent hidden away inside. "Anyway, if you really want to catch her eye this weekend and make her want to stay, push her to her limits. Make her take part in camping instead of letting her coast through until tomorrow morning when she'll inevitably want to go home. You already got her to hike here, now make her realize it's okay to want to be here with you. Get her to knock that stick out of her ass long enough to realize she doesn't have to be perfect twenty-four/seven."

"Did we just bond?" Emma inquired, eyebrows arched to her forehead as she pondered the placement of another piece of metal in relation to the overly complicated instructions that came with the overpriced tent Regina had insisted on purchasing.

"Nope. You just got free relationship advice from the person not currently in a relationship," Ruby replied. "And you're putting the tent together wrong. That piece goes with the other long piece along the top; the curvy piece."

"That piece isn't curvy, though."

Ruby stepped back and crossed her arms over her chest. "And who here has already managed to set up their tent already? Oh, yeah, that's me. That piece goes along the top, babe. You should really be doing this with Regina, not me. Take a chance and ask her, she might surprise you." With that, the werewolf sauntered back to where Belle had already managed to unpack the majority of the food to reorganize into smaller packs more suitable for hanging in the trees away from woodland critters.

Emma stood alone, metal pieces in hand and instructions left in the dirt, while she contemplated how far she was willing to push Regina. Screw it. She needed to push through their relationship and regain an equal hand instead of letting her anxieties pray on her. After all, it was one camping trip; one night in the woods. "Regina! Get your butt over here and help with the tent!"

"I thought you could handle this by yourself, dear. Isn't that why you said I could sit around on a log and watch without any complaints from you?"

"Yeah, but I thought about it and what I said was crap," Emma retorted gamely. "I listened to you bitch and moan for a quarter mile about how you hated everything from your new boots to my tank top. It ends now. You agreed to go camping for one night, but all you've managed to do was hike, which I am so proud of you for doing, and sit on a damn log like you're back in the Enchanted Forest holding court over your lowly minions. That's not camping, babe. Setting up the tent, laughing when you don't catch a fish, eating hotdogs and potato salad, and making s'mores over a shitty little fire- that's camping."

Regina had remained quiet during her lover's spiel about her ineffective camping technique, but felt compelled to chuckle darkly when it was clear Emma had finished listing her offenses to the sacred art of sleeping in the woods. "Welcome back, dear. I was wondering when you would decide to make a reappearance."

"Huh?"

Dark eyes rolled in mirth. "You've let me walk all over you so far in the hopes I wouldn't turn tail and run when things got rough. From the second you started begging me to come on this little expedition, you've done nothing but cater to my whims. I'm glad to see my Emma has returned."

"You actually want to do this? Help with the tent and whatnot?" Emma asked, eyes wide in realization. Of course, she would. When had anyone ever asked if Regina wanted to help with something outside of magical use for someone else's benefit?

"I did agree to go camping for one night," Regina offered, eyes cast to the other tents already set up around them. "It's true that my feet already hurt from the death trap you call hiking boots and your shirt smells like something I would find at the bottom of Henry's laundry, but I made a promise to you that I would go camping for one night." She paused. "Stop looking at me like that, Emma. I haven't been abducted by pod people or whatever is rolling around through that brain or yours; I'm changing, or at least I'm trying to change for the better. If that includes sleeping on an air mattress mere inches from the dirt and being eaten alive by mosquitos, so be it."

The sheriff continued to stare, oblivious to her surroundings. "But-"

"For the love of god, Emma! I used to spend my time in the stables at my parent's estate, do you really think I don't remember what it was like to get a little dirty? I may not enjoy hiking, am skeptical about the fun to be had sleeping in a tent, but I'm trying."

"But-" Emma tried again, not fully comprehending why pieces to the tent were being pulled from her hands by the one person most ill-suited for camping. "You were a queen!" she finally blurted.

The mayor blinked at her younger lover from her place kneeling in the dirt. "And you are a princess, dear. I fail to see what point you're so ineffectively trying to make."

"Since I came to this town you've been this uptight, clean freak, professional- whatever- and now you're expecting me to believe you actually want to do this? That you, Regina Mills, want to get in the dirt, make s'mores, and sleep in a tent, and- why are you looking at me funny?"

"You're fighting with me over the fact that I've agreed to try to have fun on this camping adventure of yours. Wasn't that your plan all along? To make me want to stay the entire weekend?"

Emma's shoulders slumped in defeat. "Just hold up that piece while I screw it into that one," she muttered, already lowering herself into the dirt next to her girlfriend. Shouldn't she be happy that, for once, Regina wasn't complaining about everything in sight or threatening to destroy its happiness?

"Ruby was correct, dear. That's not the right piece."

"How would you know, your majesty? You've never camped before," Emma countered, continuing on with pounding the poor sliver of metal into the plastic tube.

Regina shook her head and held up the sheet of paper left forgotten in the dirt. "No, but I have read instructions before and that is most definitely the wrong piece. Perhaps when you've finished mutilating the poor tent, you could show me the way to the restrooms."

"Uh-"

"Where are they?"

"Uh-"

"Any time now, dear."

"All around you," Emma muttered. "It's the freaking forest, Regina. The bathroom is pretty much whichever tree or bush you come across."

Regina froze for a good long minute before she rose to her feet with an elegant grace. She nodded once in acknowledgement of the blonde kneeling on the dirt and then spun on her heel. "I'm going back to my log. Call me when the tent is ready."

"And she's back."


	4. Chapter 4

"You aren't going to sit there all evening, are you?" Emma inquired, fit for a break after rigging the tent into a suitable fashion. It might not be perfect, but it was mostly functional, and that meant it was break time for the weary camper. It niggled at the back of her neck that Regina could look so imposing sitting on her rotting log, as regal as the day she sat upon a golden throne, especially when she herself had done all the hard work the brunette was going to benefit from. "I thought you had to pee or whatever."

Regina scowled in response, crossing her legs. "As there isn't a restroom around, dear, I suppose I'll just have to wait until you release me from this ill-advised excursion to medieval times."

Medieval times? Yeah, that explained the twenty-first century camping equipment and containers of potato salad.

"Lay off, babe. It's not like I cursed you back to the Enchanted Forest." One trip to the forest was enough to rationalize the Evil Queen's decision to curse the lot of fairy tale characters to Maine. It might not have been the most thought-out plan (or reasonable, for that matter) ever executed, but the sheriff couldn't say she wouldn't have considered it if she had to eat one more bite of chimera or hide out from an ogre with nothing more than a bow-and-arrow wielding superhero version of her roommate/mother.

"We had an approximation of indoor plumbing," the mayor sniffled, batting away a stray bug that dared to wander near her perch. With as much bug spray as Emma had drenched her in, it was a wonder the foul little beasts managed to survive the fog that surrounded the campsite. "At the very least, I never had to use a tree or bush as you so kindly suggested."

Sure, blame the sheriff for the lack of plumbing in the middle of the woods. Emma chanced a glance to the other campers in their ragtag group, noting with some satisfaction the identical pouts on Belle and Aurora's faces as their counterparts fussed over the fire pit. It was like a math equation she had never been able to figure out in school, the blonde noted with a smirk; if Belle frowned at Ruby, and Aurora scowled at Mulan, then where did Emma hide when the former Evil Queen threw a temper tantrum over the quality of the tent?

The answer: anywhere in the woods that was not Regina's precious log-throne-thingy or within its vicinity.

"I could dig you a hole if you'd like," Emma offered, realization dawning that no one in their group would appreciate her attempt at a joke. "Something off the beaten path and deep enough for you to hide in while you do your business. That's what you did in Fairy Tale Land, right?"

Regina grimaced. "There were chamber pots available, and please stop calling it Fairy Tale Land. It makes me think of those insipid Disney movies you insisted I watch."

The sheriff shrugged. She was dating a fairy tale character, no other explanation available or needed. If she didn't want the old world called Fairy Tale Land, then she should have come up with a better name for it or not cursed the fairy tale characters to the middle of Maine in the first place. "Whatever, Regina. Look, do you want the hole or are you going to hold it for the next," she glanced at her watch, "eighteen hours?"

The former queen cringed at the crass vernacular of her lover. She should have known better than to ask Emma for directions to the restroom; truly, she could have inquired with Belle, or rather intimidated the poor fool into releasing the information she desired with the threat of detainment in the asylum once more. "I don't believe it will be necessary, Emma. I've considered the possibilities and I suppose I could, one time, attempt to respond to the situation at hand according to the direction you've set forth."

"Huh?" Was any of that even in English?

The brunette huffed, leaving the safety of her chosen log. "It means I'll go on a bush or wherever," she mumbled, already pushing past the smirking blonde. "That is the appeal of this so-called fun activity?"

Emma rolled her eyes, but motioned for the mayor to follow her to a secluded area of high brush. She had already staked out the area for potentially poisonous plants and woodland critters; the last thing she needed was a certain sorceress reverting back to form and cursing a defenseless raccoon to the farthest reaches of Antarctica because it dared to happen upon her while she did her thing. "If you stick along these bushes," she muttered, "you should be fine. Just stay away from anything with three leaves or beady little eyes."

The sheriff turned to leave her royal crankiness to her business, but felt the harsh restraint of fingers along her wrist, effectively holding her in place. "Did you need a chaperone or something?"

"Don't leave."

"Um, okay. I could just-"

"Don't leave me out here, Emma."

The pleading tone so evident in her girlfriend's voice kept her feet from walking out of the trees and into the clearing. "I can stick around. Look, I'll just turn around here so you have your privacy and whatnot; keep track of which critters need to be lectured for daring to-"

"Stop joking around," Regina requested bitterly. "I didn't ask you to stay so you could make fun of me." A deep breath. Release. Inhale. "Just don't leave me alone out here."

"Are you scared of the woods, Regina? Honesty here." Emma paused, considering the possibilities. It did seem to fit. "I won't make fun of you if you are, promise. Lots of people have a fear of-"

"Please stop insinuating I have a phobia or the like," the mayor interrupted from behind her chosen bush. "I have nothing of the sort. I simply desire not to be left alone somewhere I'm not entirely comfortable."

"Takes a big person to admit they need someone else," the blonde noted, simultaneously pleased with herself for being the one chosen to stick around and Regina for asking for companionship. "I could sing if you want, something really upbeat and peppy while you do...what you need to do." There was a reason she avoided chit-chat in the ladies room- it was uncomfortable at the best of times- but she had promised to stick around if only for the brunette's sake.

From behind the clump of bushes, Regina frowned at the very thought of being serenaded or the sheriff's approximation of such. It seemed entirely like something Prince Charming would suggest, and that was... disconcerting to say the very least. "Please don't sing. I've heard you wailing at the top of your lungs in the shower and I don't need a repeat performance out here. Besides, I'm ready to head back now, perhaps even to help with whatever activities you have planned next."

"Seriously, you're done already?" Emma perked and peered through the mess of trees that separated them, pleasantly surprised the hell of waiting around was over. "And you actually want to try to participate this time? Not run off as soon as you figure out things are not going your way?"

"Not go my way? I think finding out the facilities are actually the bushes and trees is more than 'things not going my way,' dear. Anyway, you sounded positively defeated when you spoke to Ruby earlier, and I'm willing to try-"

"You heard that? All of it?" Emma fidgeted from foot to foot. That conversation had not been meant for ears other than hers and Ruby's, and most certainly not for Regina to overhear.

Regina nodded slowly. "All of it," she confirmed in a low tone. "Relax, dear. I knew about most of what you said. The only surprise was how much you wanted me to participate on this trip but were so unsure how to ask. You know you don't have to hide things from me anymore or skirt around the truth because it might offend me."

"Fine, but you know you just gave me permission to make you the official baiter, right? All of those wiggly, squirmy little worms need someone to hook them on the fishing lines."

"I said you didn't need to skirt around the truth, not lose your mind entirely. I will, however, agree to offer cooking tips and tell ghost stories when the time is right."

Emma twitched. "Ghost stories? I don't really think I want you telling any ghost stories, Regina- not when you've probably lived through half of them and were the reason the other half were created."

"Did you or did you not say you wanted me to be more involved in this outing? I should think you would be ecstatic that I'm volunteering for something."

"Not ghost stories!"


	5. Chapter 5

"Once upon a time-"

"Stop that."

"...in a land far, far away-"

"I told you to knock it off," Emma spat as she thundered through the last of the brush and trees that separated them from the rest of the group. The trick when dealing with a mostly reformed Evil Queen was to not let her see your weaknesses; a piece of advice she had definitely ignored in favor of protecting the good of the group from horror (ghost) stories. "No ghost stories, Regina, not from you. You're going to scare the hell out of everyone, and then no one is going to want to sleep, and-"

"That wasn't even a ghost story. How many scary stories do you know that start out, 'Once upon a time'?"

"None, right now. After tonight, probably every single one you're planning on telling. I'd actually like to get to sleep tonight and not have nightmares of heads rolling or whatever."

Regina rolled her eyes at the juvenile display. "Isn't that the point of these things? To scare everyone until they're forced to stay up and comfort each other from the Big Bad Wolf. Oh, wait, it's not wolf's time for another eighteen days. I suppose there's nothing to worry about now."

"Yeah, real funny. Tell that one to Ruby and see if she laughs."

"She's bound to have a better sense of humor than you, dear. Frankly, I'm starting to wonder why you brought me along at all if you're going to pick and choose which aspects I can participate in." Regina sniffed at the air once they broke through the brush, and headed straight for the other campers sorting through their meager fishing supplies. Perhaps she could oversee the happenings, like any good mayor would of her underlings. She waited until Belle acknowledged her presence with a nod and shy smile. "I've heard scary stories are a big part of camping."

Ruby grinned broadly and rose to meet the brunette, fishing rod in hand. "Hell yeah they are. You planning on telling a few tonight? I'd be willing to bet that you would have a few good ones, being the Evil Queen and all."

Regina quirked a brow in response, refraining from correcting the waitress on the precise status of the 'Evil' part of her moniker; the Queen part could stay, she decided. "A few," she agreed with a smirk as Emma approached almost cautiously, like an abandoned doe lost in the clutches of a ravenous bear.

"Did you just give her permission to tell ghost stories tonight?" Emma inquired, brow scrunched low with eyes darting between the two brunettes. "'Cause I already told Regina that her stories might not be appropriate for-"

"It's camping, Ems, and we're all adults," Ruby interrupted hastily, ending whatever protests fumbled at the blonde's mouth. "There's no one here who is going to object to a bit of good fun, especially if Regina knows some good stories. Aurora, you good if Madam Mayor tells a ghost story or two tonight?"

The Princess blinked a few times, silently conferring with Mulan. "O-of course. W-why wouldn't it be?"

Plunking herself down in the dirt amongst the fishing poles, lures, and bait, Emma set herself to work on preparing for an afternoon of fishing. It was all she could do to ignore the twin smirks on the Ruby's and Regina's faces when Aurora all but gave them full permission to conspire to find the most horrific ghost story imaginable. Whatever it was, she wasn't playing teddy bear to a scared former queen in the middle of the night. "Congratulations," she mumbled when Regina set herself down gracefully on a nearby chair, a silent observer to the sorting and baiting. "You managed to lure the Big Bad Wolf to your side and terrify Sleeping Beauty; whatever will you do with the rest of your day, your majesty?"

"That's your plan, dear? To pout and whine that you didn't get your way? How very mature," Regina retorted easily, crossing her legs. "I thought you would be happy I've started to interact with your friends. Besides, Aurora has been conditioned to be afraid of me. My mother did control her heart for some time."

"Is that ghost story number one? Legend of the Queen of Hearts?"

"Hardly. That's number two," the brunette pointed out flatly. "Why don't you want me involved in this particular activity, Emma? Are you concerned I might try to intimidate one of your friends?"

Intimidate. Terrify. Mortify. Send into therapy.

"I'm not concerned," Emma retorted hastily, dropping the ball on the argument she had been working on since Regina had uttered the words- ghost, and, story- in preference to remaining the least objectionable part of the whole camping experience. "I'm...apprehensive."

"Is that so? What exactly do you think is going to happen, dear, to warrant this apprehensive state of yours, which, coincidentally, looks much like the night I made you an apple turnover for dessert and thought I would have to rush you to the cricket for immediate, intensive therapy."

"The turnover thing was warranted," Emma protested, frowning in memory of the fateful night when Regina had gone all out on date night, with the unfortunate inclusion of her signature dish. "Last time you made one Henry nearly died!"

Regina scoffed. "If you had only eaten the thing instead of pawning it off on our son-"

"You were trying to curse me! How is me eating it better-okay, that's not the point I was trying to make." She breathed in deeply, releasing a moment later. The turnover thing was in the past, better left behind them (though, there was a sneaking suspicion it might arise during their next therapy session, again.) "I'm...concerned that you might try and turn friendly ghost stories into tales of horror that are going to have Aurora and Belle running and screaming through the trees to get away. They're still kind of sensitive about the whole-"

"That was Maleficent," the brunette corrected quickly, clucking at the very thought that she would willingly curse some pouting princess to sleep because she wasn't invited to some party. "I would never-"

Emma quirked an eyebrow, staring down the former queen. "If you would stop interrupting me, I would have said that Aurora is still twitchy about the heart-stealing thing since your mother stole hers, not the sleeping curse thing. And Belle-"

"I think it's lovely that Regina wants to participate," a softly accented voice interrupted. Belle waved shyly to the couple, standing by Ruby's side as unobtrusively as possible, then motioned to the missing members of their group to join them. "Isn't that why we're out here, to better get to know each other?"

Regina smirked in silent victory.

"P-perhaps you could tell one now," Belle continued, ignorant to the sheriff's wide eyed horror. "Would that be acceptable, Emma? For Regina to show that she won't tell anything too scary tonight."

"Ghost stories in the middle of the afternoon?" Emma nodded slowly, accepting the partial victory for what it was- a true concession. With quick movements, she rose to her feet, only to drop down in front of Regina's chair seconds later, wrapping her arms tight around the brunette's legs. "One story. Something appropriate. And stop squirming."

"I would stop squirming if you would stop manhandling me." To prove a point, she squirmed again, ignoring the indignity of being surrounded by the savior's arms in front of those who had once bowed before her. "There is no reason I couldn't tell the story while you sat over there."

"Public displays of affection; it's part of the experience, babe." Emma grinned in counterpoint to the glare directed her way and laid her head to rest on Regina's thigh. "Besides, I have a feeling your ghost stories don't actually include ghosts or vengeful fishermen with hooks, and I might need to snuggle, you know, for comfort and reassurance."

"That's pathetic, Em," Ruby interjected as she plunked herself into the dirt with a broad grin. "So, your Majesty, are you going to scare us or what?"

Regina rolled her eyes and braced her hands against Emma's shoulders. "Once upon a time in a far, far away land-"

"That's sad. Really, Regina? A fairy tale? How is that scary to the Big Bad Wolf, Sleeping Beauty, Beauty sans her Beast, and the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming? Oh, and Mulan."

Emma smirked.

Regina nodded briefly, huffing a sigh at being interrupted from her tale. "As I was saying, once upon a time in a far, far away land there was a peasant- a dreadful old man deemed crazy by the town- who had the grave misfortune of wandering into the castle of a hideous beast. When the beast found the decrepit villager in his home, he ordered him locked in the tallest tower of the castle to pay for his crimes, never to be seen again-"

"I've heard this one before," Emma complained. "Also, you're telling it wrong."

"Emma, quiet."

"I think she might be right, Regina. That sounds an awful lot like-"

"Quiet! There was a villager and he trespassed on the beast's land, prompting his incarceration until he died from starvation or the Beast took pity and released him. Now, back in the village, the old man's daughter bounded about, bothering the other villagers with her incessant questions, until she discovered her father failed to return. Like an imbecile, she fled from the village on horseback, riding into the forest without a plan or weapon, and upon reaching the deepest part of the woods, she found herself surrounded by wolves who snarled and snapped at her heels, driving her further towards the forbidden castle and the rumored beast who resided within-"

"Seriously, this is just your retelling of _The Beauty and the Beast_ with your own commentary, Regina. I thought you were going to tell a ghost story," Emma whined, feeling more than a little let down.

Regina smirked. "You only think you know the story, dear, but there are only two of us here who actually do. Isn't that right, Belle?"

"I-I don't think I want you to continue, Regina, a-and that's not really how it happened." As Belle twitched nervously, eyes cast low over the ground, Emma shook her head in frustration. She should have known better than to believe Regina would tell a normal ghost story, or even one that didn't include members of their party.

"Fine," the former queen drawled in a bored tone. "Deep in the heart of the Enchanted Forest, the fairest queen of the land made her way through the trees, scouring village after village for the notorious villain, Snow White, when she found herself face to face with a cottage the traitor had been rumored to be living in. She ripped through the cottage with a vengeance, searching every nook and cranny for any sign of the girl but found nothing-"

Emma turned her head back to face her girlfriend, slightly perturbed by the new story and the clearly biased angle it was being told from. "Really? You're going to bullshit some sad tale about how you hunted down my mother and then wreaked havoc when she survived your attempts to kill her?"

"Yeah," Ruby chimed in, "It's not really scary when we already know how it ends. Plus, you kinda had coffee with Mary Margaret last week at the diner and there was definitely no hunting down or assassination attempts there. Maybe we should just go fishing and try this again later, you know, with actual ghost stories?"


	6. Chapter 6

"What the hell was that?" Emma asked as soon as the others had gone off to find their own fishing spots, leaving her with a bored-looking Regina. She watched for several minutes as the former Queen poked endlessly at the squirming worms about to be used as bait for, hopefully, dinner without care as to the state of her manicure.

Regina shrugged. "It was a scary story, Emma. Nothing more, nothing less; certainly I didn't mean for it to offend anyone."

"Bullshit. You knew it was going to offend at least one person back there- Belle. Do you really think she wants to be reminded about what happened to her? The tower? It's not even scary to the rest of us, but you did it all the same to get one last punch in."

Dark eyes rolled as the mayor crossed her legs primly and focused on the bare hook at the end of the line from her borrowed fishing pole. Silver and glistening. Hook's hook. Just as deadly if used under the right circumstances. Finally, she muttered, "Stockholm Syndrome is scary and you should be terrified, dear. Haven't you also fallen in love with a beast?"

Not this again. Emma caught the deflection of the topic and eyed it, and its owner, warily. "If you mean a reformed Evil Queen who tells crappy ghost stories that have nothing to do with ghosts and likes to cuddle at night, hell yeah I have." Worm, hook, line- another pole set in the lazy water. With any luck, her fairy tale companions would know what to do with a fish should they actually manage to catch one. At least one, she decided with a firm nod. Then she could avoid the impending doom that surrounded each and every parade, festival, and function in town that decided to serve hotdogs to those of royal, and incredibly finicky, lineage. "Still, that was pretty low what you did to Belle back there."

"Please, do me a favor and give her some credit," Regina retorted, anger simmering just below the surface. "If you keep treating her with kid gloves, she will never stop acting like a simpering child. If she has nightmares tonight, it will be because she fell in love with that loathsome imp of a man; not because I modified her own story into a more pleasing version for the masses."

"Yeah, and you didn't have to. You could have told any number of made up stories to scare the hell out of us, but you chose the one most likely to get you called out, and then you followed it up with one that was guaranteed to call attention to what you were doing. Why?"

"Your line is moving," Regina noted, pointing to the second fishing pole, the one dedicated to her use. She watched passively as Emma scurried to grab the pole and reel in whatever unlucky creature had made an unfortunate mistake of grabbing onto the rigged worm. Without sport, she thought briefly as she gazed over the murky water along the bank of the pond and the wriggling brown-something at the end of the line. It seemed too easy; bait the line, drop the line, wait for some unfortunate soul to grab on. "Throw it back," she ordered once Emma had cleared the hook from the small fish's gaping mouth.

"It's perfectly fine," the blonde protested, weighing the thing in her hands. While it wouldn't feed all of them for dinner, it would certainly be enough for one or two to pick off of.

Regina shook her head and pointed back to the pond. "Throw it back," she repeated.

Glancing back and forth between her catch and her girlfriend, Emma weighed her two options; one, she could keep her precious fish and eat it instead of whatever cheap brand of hot dogs Ruby had managed to score from the diner's refrigerator, or, two, she could avoid risking whatever vengeance Regina might feel like enacting on the behalf of the pathetically small squirmer by letting it go back to where it came from.

She threw it back into the water reluctantly, watching it flip-flop over and over until it finally righted itself and swam off to find its fish buddies. Likely to tell them of the big bad sheriff who wanted to cook it and the sweet queen who ordered its release from certain death, Emma thought wryly. "I hope you know your eating a hot dog for dinner now since you just ordered a reprieve for our sushi."

The brunette shrugged and leaned back in her chair, content with her decision. "I believe it is a reasonable price to pay for that creature's continued existence."

Emma snorted, falling back into her spot between Regina's knees. She had a feeling all of her hard work and preparation to set the lines was all for nought if Regina was going to keep ordering reprieves for their catch. It was fairly ironic, though, that the Evil Queen could rip out the hearts of innocents but felt compelled to release fish back into the wild. "You never answered my question, by the way. Why did you tell that story if you knew what it was going to do to Belle?"

"Perhaps I, hmm, perhaps I wanted her to think about something more personal tonight instead of falling asleep to dreams of ghostly fishermen seeking revenge."

"More personal? Gee, I can't imagine it getting more personal than having everyone know how you met your boyfriend and fell in love with him and then have it turned into something-."

"That was not the point of the lesson, my love," Regina continued, fingers trailing through the blonde locks before her with considerable grace. "Despite my initial meeting with the girl and believing she was nothing but an imbecilic child, I can't help but believe she's not truly content with her choice of bedfellows."

Emma quirked a brow upwards, leaning her head back to look incredulously at the mayor. "Or you have a bias against Mr. Gold."

"I didn't do it as payback to Rumplestiltskin if that is what you're inferring, though the entire town knows he deserves it for all he's done with his precious deals. No, taking Belle away from him again would be cruel, but if it were her own choice-"

"You're doing the Evil Queen plotting thing again, babe."

Regina rolled her eyes, feeling the muscle strain that accompanied performing the same action repeatedly. She was perfectly capable of concocting a plan of action without it being deemed 'evil,' probably not this time, but she was capable of it. "I merely offered her outsider insight into her relationship. If she chooses to continue to see that manipulative little imp, so be it, but if she chooses to spend the rest of the weekend in the arms of a certain werewolf, then-"

"You're not that altruistic," Emma pointed out. "And, even if you were, that was a really screwed up way of going about it."

"Fine," the brunette huffed. "If I admit I had an ulterior motive, will you let me go home early?"

And there it was. "Absolutely not. Look how far you've come, Regina. You've hiked in the woods, set up a tent, peed in the bushes, traumatized Belle, released a poor fishy into the wild-"

"That should be satisfactory to the terms of our agreement."

"The agreement was one night, not acting like our son during one of his temper tantrums so I agree to let you go home early. Anyway, you're rocking this, babe, and I couldn't be more proud of you, but stop acting like this is the worst punishment around and start enjoying yourself or I'm going to make you stay tomorrow night too."

Regina slumped in her chair, fingers hanging limply in tufts of blonde hair. "I suppose I still have to eat a hot dog for dinner, am I correct?"

Emma nodded slowly. "You made me throw our dinner back into the pond, so yeah, unless you want to starve, you have to eat a hot dog. Also, you so have to make up for that pathetic story time with something actually scary- what normal people consider scary, not Evil Queen scary."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Two chapter update today. The reason- it just felt like one of those days. You know, the ones where you curl up on the couch with a bowl of popcorn, watch random shows about random stuff you probably didn't want to even know existed, and write multiple chapters of darn well everything until you realize it's dinner time and all you've eaten all day was popcorn and carrots with a side of hours old coffee to wash it down. Yeah, it's one of those days.**

**Anyway, I read somewhere, someone named the side-pairing I've got going on here (and it is a pairing! It has to be.), so all credit goes to that person (and I apologize I can't remember who it was).**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! Nada, zip, zilch. Oh, I have a roof over my head, and a puppy, and a car that runs (mostly), and a- I own absolutely nothing of value to ABC, OUAT, or others affiliated with the show. I'm not making a profit off this, whatsoever, or I wouldn't have to go back to the place that holds my paycheck for ransom until I produce something that looks mostly credible and contains less than fifteen hand-drawn crayon squiggles in the margins.**

"Did you want a spoon or fork for the potato salad, Regina?" Belle asked politely and with a kind smile. Instead of bearing away from the dark-haired woman as she had considered before the former queen unexpectedly issued an apology for her choice of story , she leaned in further, clutching a bag of plastic utensils.

Emma's head popped up and she dropped the mound of tin foil she had been holding for Ruby by the fire pit, nearly losing the entire stash of hot dogs in the process. "No! No spoon! Or fork. Forks and spoons are bad, very bad. Just use your hands, honey. That should be fine. Maybe. We have napkins if you need them, f-for your hands. But no spoons; definitely no spoons!"

Ruby poked the sheriff in the shoulder blade, forcing her to turn around, wild eyed and frantic. "What the hell is wrong with you? You nearly dropped the hot dogs in the dirt, and even the fire won't get rid of whatever creepy crawly germs are down there. Let the poor woman choose between a fork or spoon." She snorted. "Damn, girl, it's not like Belle asked her to make a decision on whether to go to war or something."

"That would be easier," the blonde muttered under breath, but not low enough as her friend whistled her acknowledgment of the remark. Carefully, she deposited the tin foil to the chair beside her, weighing the thought of leaping between Belle and Regina and tearing the spoons away for the sake of her own sanity. She could run and bury them somewhere deep in the heart of the forest before anyone, Ruby excluded, could catch her. "And you've never seen her with a spoon, have you? Or course not, 'cause you'd be right with me telling her no if you had."

Ruby stared at her, incredulous. "She's come into the diner for twenty-nine years, ordered a salad, and used a fork to eat it without any problems, so what's the deal with the spoon?"

"Unless you want us to disappear for the rest of the night, and probably next week, too, you will tell Belle to get the hell away from Regina with spoons, got it?"

"It's a spoon. What harm could it do? She's not going to try to kill us with it, is she?"

Emma eyeballed her good friend, debating how much she trusted her to the rather valuable piece of information she possessed. In a whisper, as to not be overheard, she revealed, "If you give her a spoon, everyone here will be itching to get into her tight ass designer jeans by the end of the night. You won't even care who you're with or that she's supposed to be with me. All you'll care about is getting down and dirty." Emma waited a beat, scowled and added, "I'm serious here. That woman does things with a spoon that should be, and probably are, illegal in all fifty states, Canada, and every single country in the United Nations."

"Oh, come on, its can't be all that. She was probably just trying to get you to jump her. She won't do it with all of us sitting here. Well, she probably would, just to get back at us for something, but that might be pushing it too far."

The sheriff eyed the waitress once more before she shrugged. What was the harm in letting a bit of sexy-Regina out to play? It wasn't like the brunette would leave her anytime soon, though she might have trouble fending off one or two of their companions by the end of the night. Besides, it might be nice to make Ruby eat her words for a change instead of the other way around. "Go ahead and give her a spoon, then, but don't come crying to me when you can't help but blush every time she walks into the diner and uses a spoon for her coffee. In fact, you should probably tell Granny to switch to coffee stirrers and eliminate the spoons altogether."

Ruby nodded at Belle, giving the silent okay for a spoon as well as plate of potato salad. She then watched, stared really, at the mayor who took delicate, measured bites and flicked her tongue along the end of the spoon every other bite, swiping it clean. Pretty standard, nothing pants-dropping about it.

"Give it a minute," Emma warned as her lover scrapped the last little bit of yellow from the plate.

The delicate pink tongue that had been briefly flicking against the cupped edge of the spoon suddenly lunged forward, embracing it fully, sensuously, and a moan even Emma couldn't attest to having ever heard in the bedroom erupted from the brunette's throat. Regina drew back, claiming the sides of the utensil for her own, only to dive forward once more.

The spoon turned, clinging to the tip of Regina's tongue as she swept up the center, drawing out her pleasure at the final bit of plastic. As the spoon exited the lovely mouth for the final time, Emma spared a glance to Ruby, pleased at the slightly wide-eyed expression on the wolf's face.

If only she had thought ahead to place money on that reaction.

"God damn. Get that spoon away from her."

"Told you. There should be a law or something against that woman ever using utensils. You should see what she did to our ice cream scoop one night after double mint chip. Positively scandalous. I actually begged her to approve the both of us taking a week off after, just to stay home and take the edge off."

Ruby bobbed her head along in agreement, tearing her eyes away from the indecency of the brunette and her spoon. "Is it safe to give her a hot dog or should I just tell her we're on rations and the potato salad was it?"


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Warning: Contents are extremely fluffy and may lead to extensive dental work. I'm wrapping this up in the next chapter (which will be posted by this weekend). My plan is to introduce another story later this week with two updates to Black Banners by Saturday. Anyway, this has been a fun ride and I'd like to thank everyone who was a part of it. **

"Move your foot."

From her squished place against the canvas of the tent, Emma squirmed until she could face her partner, who scowled in response to the jostled movements of the air mattress beneath them. In all her years sharing a bed with someone, from other foster kids to her royal majesty, she had never experienced such discomfort. Her knees were up to her chin, feet tucked underneath her, and her arms were shoved into angles not suitable for the normal human body- but she did it; she contorted her limbs to the best of her ability so Regina could sleep comfortably on the other side of the mattress, wrapped up tight in a sleeping bag. "Where, exactly, am I supposed to move my foot? I move it anymore than I already have and it's going to lodge itself in my mouth."

"At least it'll be in familiar territory, dear," Regina retorted as she squirmed under the heavy flannel of her sleeping bag, straining against the scratchy material. "It's poking my thigh; move it."

"Did you fail to notice I'm contorted worse than a circus contortionist? I'm not getting paid to do this to my back, Regina, so deal with my foot poking your leg. There's nothing I can do about it."

"Move your foot or sleep outside."

Emma squinted through the dim light provided by a confiscated flashlight from Henry's room to stare at the scowling brunette. A sharp fingernail jabbed at the bottom of her foot, provoking a involuntary reflex to cast the limb upwards until it made full contact with her chin. "Stop poking my damn foot, you sadist! It's not going anywhere, and I'm not sleeping outside. It's your fault for insisting we buy this child-sized contraption instead of using my old tent."

"My fault? You think this is my fault?" The brunette slipped onto her side, putting much needed space between her overheated body and the wiggly little toes that invaded her personal space. "If you care to remember, I didn't want to come on this trip at all. I could have spent my weekend baking or watching television or- and I'm sure this will come as a shock to you as you insist on ignoring your own- finish paperwork."

"Hey! I finished all of my paperwork, well, most of it. It's not my fault there's a ton of paperwork to file every time Pongo gets loose in town." The blonde squirmed out of her own sleeping bag, tugging at the reluctant zipper that refused to release her. "Maybe we should lay out the sleeping bags again and try to sleep that way. I'm burning up over here."

"That's because you brought winter sleeping bags to a summer campout, dear."

Of course. Because that was the easiest explanation for why she had been relegated to the furthest reaches of the tent with the heavier of the two sleeping bags, which happened to be the overpriced one Regina had insisted on purchasing. The other explanation had much more to do with a sarcastic comment made during dinner, an unfortunate combination of hotdogs, potato salad, and a pathetic little fish caught and shared between Aurora and Mulan. "Just unzip this torture chamber and help me spread out the sleeping bags. I want to catch at least an hour of sleep before Ruby unveils her morning s'mores recipe."

"It's eggs," Regina revealed as she unzipped the tent and stumbled out into the breezy night air. The fire had long since been extinguished, leaving them in the bitter darkness that accompanied the middle of the thick forest. "A disgusting combination of marshmallows and scrambled eggs."

Emma shrugged. She had eaten worse before, and, at the risk of being left in a kitchen without supervision, would probably concoct something much worse. "Don't knock it 'till you try it, babe. Ruby's sort of culinary genius when Granny leaves her to man the diner for too long."

"Which is precisely the reason I know it's a terrible combination," the brunette said. "She insisted on trying to poison me during the first few years after the curse with her breakfast s'mores. I'm afraid to say it spurned a temporary crisis on my own part regarding whether the wolf remembered me from her past life or not before I realized she just has terrible taste in food items."

Emma straightened from where she had been smoothing down the second sleeping bag, and stared in disbelief. "You thought she was trying to poison you with marshmallows. How deprived were you as a kid that you thought marshmallows were evil?"

"I never said it was the marshmallows, Emma. I said it was the combination of marshmallows and eggs that convinced me she attempting an assassination," Regina corrected, crawling back into the tent. "Keep your feet away from me."

"Get your arms around me and I'll think about keeping my feet away from you." The sheriff said with a smile as she crawled in behind, quietly admiring the view before she turned her concentration towards balancing on the air mattress. "Seriously, you can't keep putting distance between us. Eventually you will run out of room in this tiny little space."

"You say that like it's my fault you're more effective than a personal space heater. Even those wiggly toes of yours give off enough heat to keep my home warm through winter."

Several minutes of silence later, Regina couldn't keep her concerns to herself any longer. "You aren't going to make me eat any of that dreadful concoction Ruby insists on calling food, are you?"

Emma shook her head from side to side, snorting down the laughter than threatened to bubble in her throat. "Nah, I think I'll keep it to myself that the big bad Evil Queen is terrified of marshmallows. I wouldn't want to ruin your reputation with that. People might think you're actually as fluffy as a puppy if I did that." She paused and wrestled her arms around the brunette's midsection.

"I will d-"

"Destroy my happiness, I know," the blonde finished with a roll of her eyes. "I also know that destroying my happiness means I have to sleep on the couch or the other side of the tent. But since I haven't said a word to anyone about how you wrap yourself around me at night like I'm a teddy bear, I think you owe me a goodnight kiss. After all, you did taunt me with that spoon earlier and then send me off to bed without any sort of relief." Emma pouted exaggeratedly, eyes wide. "That was very evil of you."

Regina turned until she could focus on the blue-green eyes of her savior, absorbing the affection she found there. "If I give you a goodnight kiss, will you please get your damn foot off my leg?"

"I told you to buy a bigger tent!"


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I still don't own OUAT (not for lack of trying) or any of its characters.**

**Out there question: For anyone who read For the Love of the Game, do you want a sequel to it? I've got a continuation written but I don't know if I should post or not. Anyway, feedback would be lovely. **

"Ow! Ow! Ow! You're on my hair!"

"Don't put your head there!"

In all of her years in dealing with the more rambunctious of Storybrooke's citizens, Ruby Lucas could honestly say that Regina Mills and Emma Swan managed to push the envelope past whatever any of the others could manage. She stifled a groan, shoving the frying pan over the pathetic fire with more force than necessary; all the while cursing her own voluntary input to place the vocal twosome's tent near the fire pit.

"Is that-" Belle inquired, trailing from her own question. The eggs she had been sent to retrieve were placed gently into the cooler by Ruby's chair before the young woman collapsed onto the dirt with a frown adorning her face. "Oh, I didn't really think they would...not out here. Why would-"

"Don't ask that question," the waitress advised with a scowl. Never before had the camping trip been less fun than waking to the sounds of squeals and moans, all the while not being a part of the potential noise complaint. But, she had been good; when she could have seduced Belle, she had pulled away and respected the relationship between her friend and the gimpy imp.

"Dammit, Regina! Stop that! We don't have time."

Ruby groaned and tucked her head into the collar of her t-shirt. The Evil Queen might not be strictly evil anymore, but she was sure making a run for the moniker to be restored. Combined with Emma's impetuous behavior, they were going to drive her insane. "Could you grab the marshmallows? And maybe yell at those two to come out for breakfast?" A long pause. "Hell, they can starve for all I care, but tell them to at least drop the volume if they don't want breakfast."

Belle scurried off, hesitating only when she reached the tent. Her hand raised to knock, only to find there was nothing to knock on without causing the tent to sway and the last thing she needed was the tent to fall over. "Um, Regina? Emma? Ruby wanted to know if you wanted breakfast or, well, you're a bit loud and-"

A blonde head peeked through a small opening at the height of the zipper, blinking owlishly at the speckles of bright light prominent behind Belle. "Breakfast? Is it egg s'mores?"

"I believe so."

"Be there in five minutes. I just need to..." Emma's disembodied head disappeared back into the makeshift canvas home. "Where's my shoe, babe? I just need the left one." A long pause. "How the hell am I supposed to know where it landed? It just went...somewhere. Help me find it...I love you, that's why you have to find my shoe!"

Outside the tent, Belle nodded to herself, a quick congratulations for a job well done. She had delivered the news in a succinct fashion and escaped without being exposed to anything that might make the rest of the day (their lives) awkward. Quickly, she strode back to the fire, acknowledging Aurora and Mulan with a slight nod. "Emma's just looking for her shoe; the left one, apparently."

"Graham crackers," Ruby inquired, stiffly. "I don't really need to know why Emma's missing only her left shoe. I think we can all figure it out for ourselves." If she hadn't risked a glance over to Belle and the status of the graham crackers, she might have missed the look of confusion on Aurora's face when she leaned over to ask Mulan about the shoe. "They had sex, you idiot," she whispered harshly over the crackling of the fire, much to everyone's shock and dismay.

"Who had sex?" Emma peered over Ruby's shoulder to appraise the status on the egg s'mores. Definitely eggy enough, but lacking in chocolate. "Aurora and Mulan? Or, you and Belle? No offense, but it's really about time."

"Dear, did we or did we not already have the discussion regarding other people's love lives at breakfast?" Regina followed the blonde out of the tent, looking far more put together for someone who had spent the night amongst the trees and deer than anyone had a right to. Her dark hair was tucked up into a neat ponytail and even Emma, who had been in the tent, suspected there had been a makeup touch-up sometime in the middle of the night.

The sheriff shrugged. "Technically, you said not to do it, not that I couldn't do it at any particular meal time. Anyway, what's the ETA on those s'mores, Rubes?"

"Why? Did you work up that much of an appetite last night?" Ruby rolled her eyes. Tents weren't exactly known for being sound-proof, yet the sheriff seemed to ignore that key aspect of courtesy to those without the fortune of bringing their girlfriends when the clock struck seven a.m. "At least some of us can control ourselves out here."

"Someone wake up on the wrong side of the air mattress?" Emma quirked a brow in her friend's direction, unsure of what she had done to earn the other woman's ire. With a shrug, she brushed it off and shuffled around the fire to the empty seat next to Regina.

"I don't know, Emma. Maybe you should have thought about that before you and the queen started screwing around this morning."

"Miss Lucas, did this 'screwing around' happen to start about an hour ago?" Regina motioned first to the tent and then to the blonde at her side, who appeared to be mimicking a gluttonous chipmunk with a mouthful of marshmallow. "I believe you might have the wrong idea about what occurred this morning. You see-"

"Don't really care, Regina. We're all adults out here and-"

The former queen held up her hand to silence the younger woman. "And nothing. I imagine you heard Emma trying to find her other shoe, which somehow made its way under the air mattress sometime during the night. Before that, there was the unfortunate experience of trying to dress without the aid of light as our flashlight batteries died earlier this morning."

Emma bobbed her head in agreement, swallowing around the marshmallow she had requisitioned from the bag. "Yeah. Did you really think Regina would loosen up to do anything out here besides a little cuddling? Even that was like trying to bear hug a bear."

"Miss Swan!"

"For the love of everything caffeinated in this world, Regina! We already live together and you have coffee with my mother every Saturday. Do you really think anyone believes you act like the tight-assed mayor at home? Or that I would stick around if you did? We cuddle, it's not the end of the world, babe."

Regina huffed at the proclamation, glaring at the other members of their party as if to ward off inappropriate comments about their former queen cuddling in the middle of the night. She wasn't ashamed; she was private.

Emma pointed to the fire with an overly innocent expression, poking at the bag of marshmallows with her foot. "Any chance we can get breakfast soon or did you want us to talk more about what we didn't do last night?"

"Speaking of last night," Ruby continued, not entirely convinced, "I heard noises-"

"Our dear sheriff kicks like a mule," Regina offered.

"At least I don't sleep like a dead person," the sheriff in question retorted. "You lay as stiff as a board with your hands crossed over your chest. It freaked me out the first time I slept over; I thought I had killed you!"

"No. You just wrap yourself around whatever object happens to be around like it's your own personal teddy bear. If it's not your entire body, it's your damn foot on my thigh."

"It was a small space, Regina. Where else was my foot supposed to go? Around my head? I'm flexible but I'm not a damn contortionist."

"Um, excuse me," Belle mimicked a school aged child with her hand in the air. "Emma, um, breakfast is ready."

"S'mores?" Emma dropped the argument over sleeping positions for the promise of sugar-enhanced eggs. Her hands opened eagerly, outstretched from her body as she waited for the plate to be dropped in front of her. She frowned, turning back to her partner. "I'll try to keep my feet to myself."

"And I'll attempt to sleep in a more lively position," Regina offered as compensation. With wide eyes, she focused on the s'more on her own plate- all gooey, crunchy, and protein-filled as it was. "Are you certain I couldn't have plain eggs, perhaps without the chocolate and marshmallow?"

"Just eat it."

Ruby flipped another batch of her sacred concoction, observing the interaction between the sheriff and the mayor. They bickered and they compromised, and then they diverted the conversation to more pressing dilemmas- like the possible appearance of non-marshmallow infested scrambled eggs. "So, Regina, are you planning on heading home today or are you going to tough it out and stay?"

Emma stopped eating, a mouthful of eggs shoved to the hollow of her cheek. She wouldn't beg her partner to stay, not if she really wanted to leave. And everything that had happened since they set foot in the forest said Regina would be hiking back to the safety of her home, so there wasn't a point to making a fool of herself.

"I-"

"We can start hiking back after breakfast," Emma mumbled around her mouthful, already concentrating on the next bite. "Then you can spend the rest of the day doing paperwork or whatever it is you consider fun."

"I-"

"It's cool," the sheriff continued. "You made good on our deal; one night in the woods."

"If you would care to silence yourself for two seconds, Emma, you would know that you failed to uphold your end of the deal. I did not get uninterrupted time yesterday or today, so, technically, I would need to stay for the rest of today and tonight for you to make up for that." Regina faced Ruby to answer the original question posed. "Yes, Miss Lucas, I plan to stay for another day."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: After a couple reviews wondering why I stopped where I did, I went back and re-read what was posted and- short story: I goofed. I failed to note that I had used the same page breaks in this chapter that I use to indicate a new chapter in the original document, which led to a cut-off towards the end of this one. Sorry about the confusion. **

"I don't want to."

Emma shrugged her shoulders, slinging the bag of fishing paraphernalia over the crook of her elbow. "That's too bad, 'cause I don't recall giving you a choice. You said you were staying, so that means you get to go fishing. Actually fishing, not that sit around watching me fish crap you pulled yesterday."

Regina adjusted her stance in response to the accusation. It wasn't like she had forced Emma down to the pond while she stayed behind and caught up on some inane football game or some such. No, she had contributed, in her own way, to the fishing experience; catch and release, as it turned out to be. "Fine, but I fail to see why we have to go with the insipid princess and her sullen bodyguard. Surely, they would be better suited to finding firewood for tonight."

"Belle already volunteered to go with Ruby for the firewood, and Aurora isn't insipid. She's...quirky, for lack of a better word." The blonde directed her gaze away from the myriad of gear Ruby had dumped at her feet and focused on Mulan and the Princess, who stood near their tent. "Besides, out of the four of us, she's the only one who managed to catch and keep her fish yesterday, so unless you want to eat another hotdog for dinner, you'll ease up on her."

For a long, intense minute, the former Queen seemed to consider the possibilities of eating the dubious meat Ruby had dubbed a hotdog, and then she deflated. Surely, the fish from the pond, as small as they were, would be better than the myriad of mechanically separated by-products she had all but been forced to ingest (or remain hungry until morning and risk the marshmallow-laden egg treat). "Position us on the opposite side of the pond, Emma, and I'll keep hold of my tongue around the Princess."

The blonde eyed her girlfriend warily. Really, she hadn't known it was that much trouble for the mayor to act like something other than a bitch around the newest citizens of her precious town. "I'm not walking around the pond to keep you away from Aurora. It's not like you couldn't try to be nice to her. You managed with my mom, didn't you?"

"That's not being nice, dear. I've never managed much more than tolerating your mother."

"It's progress, at least," Emma offered as she shoved a tackle box into her empty backpack. Mentally, she gauged the odds of strapping a bag to Regina's back to lighten her own load. Wasn't worth it, she reminded herself. The headache, that is, which would accompany the bitchiness spewing from Regina's pretty mouth as they hiked down to the pond; wasn't worth it. She could always bribe her to carry the fishing poles, though, and maybe the cooler that contained their lunch. "It should be easier, then, with Aurora. She never did anything to you, did she?"

Regina harrumphed in response, accepting the cooler and fishing poles with little protest, as she looked on with an air of indifference at the comical display Emma offered. The blonde squirmed and struggled under the weight of the many fishing supplies she had crammed into the oversized bag, but it was beyond the mayor to offer assistance that would be rejected. "You're positive you don't want to stay here?"

"And do what? Unless you just wanted to keep ignoring the question- what did Aurora do you?"

"You've always seemed keen on public displays of affection, unless I've managed to misinterpret your desire to sit well within my personal space at the diner."

Emma perked considerably, finding the weight of the pack reduced to nothing as she straightened her shoulders. The possibilities reeled through her mind- Regina, tent, alone- before she cast a wary eye over her lover. Little Miss Uptight, the same who informed their friends that the blonde kicked like a mule to avoid personal questions, wanted to delve into PDA's in the middle of the forest? Not likely. "Yeah? We could go back to the tent, leave Mulan and Aurora to catch dinner, and get down and-"

"Dirty? Quite," Regina finished flatly. "That tent does nothing to keep the dirt from our belongings. If I had known that it was useless at keeping the woods out of the sleeping area, I would have looked at other models."

And just like that, Emma deflated. With a huff, she started down the trail to the pond, heedless of her partner's intent to follow or remain at the campsite. If she wasn't going to get lucky on the trip, then so be it, but hell if she was going to spend the day sitting in a tent when she could be experiencing the great outdoors. "Mulan, you coming?"

The dark-haired woman nodded in response, collecting her fishing pole and falling into step with the sheriff. "Is Regina not coming then?"

"We had a minor disagreement about the nature of camping," the blonde replied hastily, uncaring that she sounded like a certain brunette mayor. "She thought it would be the equivalent of a weekend in a luxury hotel, and I thought it would be...well, camping."

"You left her behind?" Mulan inquired stiffly. What concern was it to her if the mayor chose to remain at the campsite?

"She'll follow if she really wants to, or, you know, I'll be back before lunch. I sort of forgot that she was holding the cooler when I walked off." Emma glanced back with a pitiful expression at the potato salad and sandwiches sacrificed for the greater good. She didn't bother looking for the displeased expression sure to be gracing Regina's features. "Anyway, weren't you bringing Aurora?"

"She stayed behind to prove that she does not need me. She believes that you find her to be quite taxing."

"We never said taxing," Emma offered. What little comfort that would be when the word choice used to describe the princess was whiny and annoying. Could she blame her? Not really. Being stuck in Cora's bubble of the Enchanted Forest when the curse was cast was bound to do funny things to people, even if said people happened to have taken a nap for twenty-eight years. "You do realize that we just left her with Regina, right? I love that woman to death, but even I'll admit that she has her moments when I just want to-"

_Use your words, Emma, not your actions._

Archie's voice had somehow become embedded into her mind, reminding her to choose her words carefully and respect others as she would want them to respect her. But, and damn it all, he didn't have to deal with Regina's fussiness on a daily basis. Although, he also didn't have the distinct pleasure of being with Regina on a daily basis. Six of one; half dozen of the other. "The point is- Regina's not exactly known for playing well with others, and Aurora was left there like a sacrificial lamb."

* * *

Regina stared at Emma's form, growing smaller and smaller as the other woman left her behind. What on earth had just happened? They had been having a spat, albeit a very pleasant one, and then suddenly Emma had just up and walked away. Leaving her holding the metaphorical baby, or cooler in this case.

"Were you going down to the pond?" A soft voice from over her right shoulder called, the airy quality giving away its owner.

"Eventually," the mayor replied. "Did your bodyguard leave you behind? I would think she would have learned to take her duties seriously."

"I asked to be left behind," Aurora replied as authoritatively as she could manage when standing mere inches from a very powerful sorceress. "I thought I could spend some time alone before going down to the pond. It's been a long while since I've been alone."

"You spent twenty-eight years sleeping, dear. Wasn't that enough for you?" The cruel barb splintered off her tongue without regard for the princess or her feelings. It was a bad habit the cricket had yet to be able to break during their therapy sessions.

Aurora shook her head. "I wanted to be alone, not be asleep. You've never been under the sleeping curse, have you? It's a terrible thing; to be confronted by your regrets when time seems to have stood still. It's also terribly jarring to suddenly find yourself surrounded by people once you awaken."

Regina made to move off and head down the subtle sloping hill down the pond when the princess's words pulled her back.

"It also gives you the time to analyze every moment of your life and the people in it," the brunette continued. "You've been hurt before, haven't you? That's why you're reluctant to give Emma what she desires."

"What she desires?"

"You've given her the exterior, everything that the world sees; the mayor, the mother, the Evil Queen, but you've withheld something every time she's approached you when you're around the rest of us."

Regina's eyes widened at the accusations spewed from the other woman. "What do you-"

"Know about it? Everything. When I lost Phillip shortly after finding him again, I wanted nothing more than to be cursed again, but then I found Mulan. She took me under her wing and made me believe in love again. She forced me to understand that I did nothing to lead to Phillip's demise and he would want me to find someone new." Aurora paused and cocked her head to the side. "Mulan taught me to accept the love that was there, otherwise I might lose it pining for something long gone."

"Were you going down the pond?" Regina repeated the Princess's original question, desiring nothing more than an escape from the uncomfortable revelations the previously shy woman had touched upon.

* * *

Emma cursed herself for leaving the cooler in Regina's hands when she stalked away from the impending argument. It would have ended two ways- one of which would have been pleasant, and the other would have involved screaming, probably from her. And she was trying, dammit, to make Regina want her to stay; to not reject her like every single one of her foster parents had, but there were some days when a screaming match was called for.

Earlier today had probably been one of those days. Except she had walked away, again, to avoid confrontation. Even worse, she had left the beers snuck out of Mary Margaret's fridge in the cooler, which was back at the campsite with Regina.

Yeah, she probably should have put up some fight against the cold, manipulative mayor her girlfriend turned into when they were around others, if only for the sake of her lunch.

"Were you planning on catching fish that way, dear?"

The fishing rod nearly dropped into the pond, saved only by quick reflexes. "Thought you were staying at the campsite today," Emma returned sullenly, driving her focus back to the fishing at hand. It was only when she started to reel the line back in that she realized she had tossed it out without a hook or bait- some kind of fisherwoman she was.

"And I thought we were going fishing together until you walked off and left me with Aurora."

The blonde shrugged mirthlessly and offered, just as flatly, "You annoyed me. You've gone from joking around to ordering me around like I'm your servant or something this weekend, so I chose to walk away."

Regina plunked herself down into the dirt next to her partner without concern for the amount of dirt that would be caking her jeans later. With a soft chuckle, she tucked her arm around the younger woman's waist and drew her in closer. "You ran away, Emma, just like I've been doing. When you said that Aurora was quirky, I failed to understand that you meant she was insightful. We had a pleasant chat on the way down here and she managed to clue me into a couple of my own faults, as well as yours, that I had been more than willing to ignore."

"You and Aurora...you actually managed to talk without killing her or insulting her?"

"You make it sound as though I'm incapable of being polite, dear."

"Not incapable of it," Emma corrected, "but you usually choose not to."

The mayor nodded slowly, bumping her shoulder against Emma's as she contemplated her own behavior. Emma might have walked away, but she had given her the reason to do so, and in the process she had allowed herself to withdraw into bad habits. "Isn't that what you're here for? To keep me on the right path. As my savior, I would think you would take a keen interest into my behavior towards others."

"Your savior, huh?"

"Provided you stop walking away or excusing my own poor behavior," Regina said as she dropped a kiss into the golden hair atop Emma's head. "I don't want you to feel that you have to walk away instead of confronting me about how you feel, sweetheart. Whatever you do, whatever you say, you will always be my other, better half, and I need you to keep me from falling apart and taking the entire town with me."

"Well, then, as your savior," Emma began cheekily and with an impish smile reminiscent of their son. "I have to say that you need to curb the bitchiness and learn to help out. For starters, you're going to help me catch tonight's dinner and then-"

"I had other plans for this afternoon," the brunette interjected. She rose from her seated position and hovered over the sheriff for a brief moment, then the mayor turned and did something quite unexpected-

Emma stared, confused by the turn of events and the presence of a familiar dark blue t-shirt atop her head. "Naked plans?"

"Have you never been skinny dipping before?" Regina inquired as she appraised the drop-off into the pond a couple feet away. It was far enough from the fishing area to avoid stray hooks but close enough to observe the happenings on shore should Emma fail to follow her in. "There was a pond, much like this one, on the estate where I grew up. Some of my best memories as a child were from there, and later as a teenager I explored its depths with Daniel on occasion."

Her jeans were shucked off in good time, mere seconds before Regina stepped into the water on delicate feet, shivering lightly as her body adjusted to the temperature of the water.

As she carelessly flung the fishing pole aside and stripped down as best she could given the sight of a wet, nearly naked Regina in the water, Emma's last coherent thought before she darted into the pond was, "Maybe it wasn't a screaming kind of day."


End file.

Once Upon a Time, Humor, Romance