Usually it is the heads of the families who decide the number of gifts. In Rukai society, however, the prospective partners use teenaged girls as go-betweens, telling the woman of the man's gift offer, and informing him of their acceptance or refusal.
一般議定聘禮多寡，由雙方家長或輩份高的親戚出面對談；但台東大南村魯凱族卻不這麼做，而由男女雙方各派二位十三歲以上的潔身童女組成「傳話隊」，先從男方跑到女家，告訴女方第一個聘禮是水缸，女方答應後，傳話隊再跑著回報男家。