She doesn't dare expect that they'll take care of her in her twilight years. "I've even bought my own gravesite." Half laughing, half crying, Cheng says that she was "very unwilling" to spend so much of her life taking care of people, but she didn't dare voice such unfilial, irresponsible thoughts.
又哭又笑地訴說著自己的「照顧生涯」，鄭素惠說這一輩子「很不甘願」，但又不敢大聲說出這樣大逆不孝的真心話，逢人只敢笑臉迎人，苦水往自己的肚裡吞。