Love @ First: Dating in the Modern World (closed)
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							<h1 class="p-title-value">Love @ First: Dating in the Modern World (closed)
	
	

	

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<span style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms'"><span style="font-size: 36px"><span style="color: #00b3b3">Love</span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms'"><span style="font-size: 36px"> @ First</span></span><br>
<br>
Real People. Real Connections. <br>
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<span style="font-size: 12px">Sign up today!</span><br>​</div></div>
				
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<div style="text-align: center"><br>
<b><span style="font-size: 18px">L'artiste</span></b><br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 12px">Grace Whitaker</span><br>​</div><br>
<br>
<br>
</div></div><br>
<br>
<br>
"You're not seriously going out with this guy, are you?”<br>
<br>
<br>
Mia was at my kitchen counter reading over the most recent profile Love @ First had sent to my inbox – a slightly older guy who was in advertising or marketing or something – and in classic Mia fashion she was scrutinizing every word of it.<br>
<br>
<br>
“Why? What’s wrong with him?” I asked reflexively. Huge mistake.<br>
<br>
<br>
Mia scoffed. “For starters, he lives with his parents.”<br>
<br>
<br>
“What?” I jumped off my stool, nearly knocking over my canvas, paintbrushes dripping with acrylic, and rushed over to read the profile again. “It doesn’t say that, Mia.”<br>
<br>
<br>
“Sure it does,” she insisted, and ran a hand through the long bangs of her new edgy haircut. “He spends all his free time on the internet masturbating.”<br>
<br>
<br>
“It doesn’t say that! You make it sound like he watches porn all day.”<br>
<br>
<br>
“Probably does, the chauvinistic creep. I mean, <i>fantastic tits</i>? Really? And what the hell is a quote-unquote treasure box?”<br>
<br>
<br>
She had me there. Granted, some of this guy’s information was questionable. But really, when you think about it, does anyone represent themselves honestly on the internet all the time?<br>
<br>
<br>
“I think he sounds funny, in a perverse kind of way,” I said, then quickly added, “And I don’t know how things are done in Australia, but here in America watching YouTube and getting yourself off every once in a while doesn’t mean you live with your parents.” So I hoped.<br>
<br>
<br>
“Whatever,” she said in that slow way that made her accent particularly noticeable. “You know, I have friends I could set you up with.”<br>
<br>
<br>
“No, thank you. I prefer total strangers to do the matchmaking for me. Or, in this case, a computer.”<br>
<br>
<br>
“That makes no sense.” Mia rolled her too-blue eyes, made bluer by the liquid black eyeliner she wore.<br>
<br>
<br>
I crossed back to the studio portion of my loft and set my brushes down on the nearest easel.<br>
<br>
<br>
“This way, if the date tanks, I get a clean break,” I said while wiping my paint-stained hands on a rag. “No awkward chance encounters at our mutual friend’s house party, no random photos of him popping up on my Instagram feed. It’s easier this way.”<br>
<br>
<br>
Mia chuckled. When I turned around she was shaking her head, grinning at the counter. “Fine, it’s your life, Gracie. My offer’s still on the table, though.”<br>
<br>
<br>
I gave her a lazy smile. “If this one doesn’t work out, I’ll take you up on that.”<br>
<br>
<div style="text-align: center">--- --- ---<br>
<br>​</div><br>
<br>
<br>
I stood in front of the full length mirror by my bed, clad only in some full coverage panties and an unexciting but supportive nude bra, which was doing its best to push up what little chest I had. Fantastic tits, indeed.<br>
<br>
<br>
On my bed were the only two outfits I deemed suitable for a date – a summery dress with diamond cutouts just below the bust (which I’d never worn) or a blouse-denim combo, my old standby. With the dress I’d have to go braless. With the jeans I’d need to wear arch-killing heels at the risk of looking too dressed down. Decisions, decisions.<br>
<br>
<div style="text-align: center">--- --- ---<br>
<br>​</div><br>
<br>
<br>
At six o’clock sharp I pulled my silver Prius into the parking lot. After one final look at myself in the rearview mirror (hair could have been tamer, but with humidity comes the frizz, no matter how much hairspray I use), I stepped out of my car, smoothed the skirt of my dress, and went inside.</div>
				
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				Last edited by a moderator: <time class="u-dt" dir="auto" datetime="2015-07-18T18:34:26-0400" data-time="1437258866" data-date-string="Jul 18, 2015" data-time-string="6:34 PM" title="Jul 18, 2015 at 6:34 PM" itemprop="dateModified">Jul 18, 2015</time>
			
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<span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066">KarmaKalmelion</span></span><br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066"><br>
</span></span><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066">Kal Cavanaugh</span></span><br>
<br>​</div><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 14px">"Bill.Bill, Bill, Bill. Listen to me. Lis-ten. To. Me. I signed up for that shitty little dating site you told me about, alright? Yeah. Yeah. Love in the first or whatever the fuck. Yeah. Yes. Yes, Bill, I know. that's where you met Louise. Yes, Bill, I know you're happy. Yes, </span></span><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 14px"><i>William</i></span></span><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 14px">, I know you couldn't be any fucking happier, but lis. ten. to. me."</span></span><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 14px">I sighed, pulling the phone away from my ear as he rabbited on for a while, no doubt extolling the virtues of this </span></span><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 14px"><i>wundersite</i></span></span><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 14px">, Why, I had no idea, because he'd already persuaded me, right? It wasn't like I'd been chronically single or anything, but sure, I'd been on my lonesome a little longer than I'd've liked, and so I'd maybe possibly been kind of persuaded to join up by </span></span><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 14px"><i>Bill.  </i></span></span><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 14px">Bill was alright enough, I suppose, if you liked that sort of guy- the kind who doesn't quite know when to drop things, and finds entirely too much pleasure in explicitly detailing the minutiae of his life</span></span><span style="color: #000000"> in everyday conversation.</span><br>
<br>
<span style="color: #000000"><br>
He was also kind of my boss, but I wasn't going to hold that against him, now was I?</span><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="color: #000000">I was suddenly aware of a silence on the end of the phone, and realised I was in the midst of a pause so pregnant it was going to pop any second.</span><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="color: #000000">"Sorry, Bill, can you repeat that? .....Uh huh. Right, okay, so it says her name is,,,,well, alright, Bill, her </span><span style="color: #000000"><i>username</i></span><span style="color: #000000"> is L'Artiste. Yes, Bill, she </span><span style="color: #000000"><b>does</b></span><span style="color: #000000"> sound very artsy. Yes, I know that's not my usual type, but look....look, Bill- she likes to travel, she seems like she likes to laugh- well doesn't everyone- and she's got great taste in things. I mean, sure, she sounds like she's probably a little too pretentious for my tastes, but you know me, Bill. I'm a man of the people. If I can make twenty million people fall in love with an anthropomorphic singing toilet cleaner, I'm </span><span style="color: #000000"><i>pretty</i></span><span style="color: #000000"> sure I can make a pretentious, artsy, classy woman </span><span style="color: #000000"><i>like</i></span><span style="color: #000000"> me, for just one evening. Yeah. Yeah. Uh huh. Alright. Fine, BIll, fine. See you Monday".</span><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="color: #000000">I sighed as I hung up the phone, glancing down at my watch before looking back up, my eyes meeting those of my reflection.</span><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="color: #000000">I had, as I usually did before a date, decided to dress at the very last minute, leaving my suit hanging on its hanger on the front of my wardrobe, so as to keep the lines as crisp and sleek as possible. Sure, a suit might have been a little too flashy and fancy for the place we were going- mini golf, if you could believe it- but I always liked to wow on the first date.</span><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="color: #000000">After all, you never get a second chance to make a first impression, right?</span><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="color: #000000">Besides, this one was a lightish navy- dark enough to be smart, light enough to still be casual. Carefully I slid it on, making sure that the shirt I wore underneath- pale blue, long-sleeved- was straight and clean and buttoned-up completely. Satisfied, I looped on the tie- some stripy thing with blue-and-darker-blue, and a picture of Gonzo The Great from The Muppets- and headed out.</span><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="color: #000000">I was early, of course; but then, I was always early. The time on my watch said five forty-five, but by the time I'd down a quick pint and a whisky chaser, it was bang on six o-clock.</span><br>
<br>
<span style="color: #000000"><br>
I'd picked out the spot by the bar especially- it was near enough to the door that I had a clear line of sight, but not so near that it'd be completely obvious I was waiting for someone to walk in the door. Despite myself, though, every time the door opened I glanced at it intently, hoping against hope that the next person to walk through it would be her.</span><br>
<br>
<span style="color: #000000"><br>
Old man. Another old man. An old woman. A woman who might have been old but was aging disgracefully. A middle-aged couple. And then, finally,  </span><span style="color: #000000"><i>finally</i></span><span style="color: #000000">, </span><span style="color: #000000"><b>finally</b></span><span style="color: #000000">, someone walked through the door who I was sure was her.</span><br>
<br>
<span style="color: #000000"><br>
And wow, was she a knockout.</span><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="color: #000000">I straightened my tie, huffed in a deep breath- straightening up a little as I did so- and started to walk towards her, hand already out as I spoke to her.</span><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="color: #000000">"L'Artiste, I presume?"</span></div>
				
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<br>
<div style="text-align: center"><br>
<b><span style="font-size: 18px">L'artiste</span></b><br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 12px">Grace Whitaker</span><br>​</div><br>
</div></div><br>
<br>
<br>
There are a lot of things that can go wrong on a first date. Being mistaken for someone else – or, in this case, watching my date mistaken someone else for me – was one of them.<br>
<br>
<br>
“You talkin’ to me, buddy?” said the woman who had entered the lobby ahead of me. Her voice was nasally and held a trace of New Jersey in it. Her stilettos – <i>Stilettos!</i> – were a mile tall, or maybe her legs were just that long. She turned to this buff body builder-type guy next to her, whose shirt was stretched so taut over his bulging muscles I thought it would rip to shreds right then and there. “Babe,” she whined, “this guy’s tryin’ to talk to me.” She pointed one long, manicured nail at the sharply dressed man standing in front of her.<br>
<br>
<br>
Babe could not look less interested in what Brunette Barbie was saying. He breezed past her to the bar without a word and promptly ordered a couple of shots, both of which he drank himself. His girlfriend (though I use that word loosely) pranced after him like a wounded puppy.<br>
<br>
<br>
I slowly focused my gaze on the man in the suit, and felt both disappointed that his beautiful eyes lit up so brightly when he thought I was Barbie, and elated that he was, in fact, kind of a dish. I couldn’t think of a time when I was not attracted to a man in a well-tailored suit, and this time was no exception. Muppet portraiture and all.<br>
<br>
<br>
I took a few steps forward, feeling suddenly short and dumpy in my flat leather sandals. “KarmaKalmelion, right? I think you’ve been waiting for me. I’m L’artiste,” I said and extended my hand to him.</div>
				
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<span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066">KarmaKalmelion</span></span><br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066"><br>
</span></span><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066">Kal Cavanaugh</span></span><br>
<br>​</div><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066">Oh. Shit. Oh shit. Shit. Oh. Fuck. Right. Well. That was a thing that had happened, and a thing I needed to rectify with as much dignity as possible.</span></span><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066">Panicking, I rapidly thought of something to say, came up with the perfect comeback, realised she was already walking past me, and muttered "yeah, lady, you wish" at her back, nodding smugly to myself.</span></span><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066">And then there was movement in front of me, and I turned my head back to see a woman approaching me, talking to me. Well. This was more like it. Kind of. I mean, she wasn't some terrible troll of a woman- which, I'll admit, I had been worried about when her pictures avoided showing her face- and she certainly seemed to have the same kind of body she'd had in the photos (again, you could never be too careful about these things), and she </span></span><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066"><i>seemed</i></span></span><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066"> pretty normal, didn't she?</span></span><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066">Of course, appearances could be deceiving.</span></span><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066">I reached out and took her hand, shaking it firmly, flashing her what I hoped was one of my most charming smiles, and not some terrifying grimace of some kind.</span></span><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066">"Well, bonjour mademoiselle L'artiste." French. I'd gone for a French accent. What the fuck, me? Alright, I could still pull this back.</span></span><br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066"><br>
</span></span><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066">"It's nice to finally meet you", I smiled again, though the last one had barely left my lips. "I wasn't quite sure what to expect, you know? I've not really done this before, and you hear all kinds of horror stories about murderers and weirdos and crazies and people who don't look like their pictures at all, and the whole '</span></span><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066"><i>don't use whole pictures of yourself</i></span></span><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066">' thing didn't really help, and so I wasn't really sure what to expect and that was just a mistake an innocent mistake and I wasn't really talking to her anyway I mean what the hell where does she get off just fucking </span></span><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066"><i>assuming</i></span></span><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066"> I was talking to her and oh fuck did I just say fucking and fuck oh great I've literally just met you and already you think I swear like a fucking sailor".</span></span><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066">Babbling. I was babbling. Why the fuck was I babbling?</span></span><br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066"><br>
I stopped, took a breath, straightened myself, and spoke again.</span></span><br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066"><br>
"I mean...I'm Kal. Nice to meet you."</span></span></div>
				
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<br>
<div style="text-align: center"><br>
<b><span style="font-size: 18px">L'artiste</span></b><br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 12px">Grace Whitaker</span><br>​</div><br>
</div></div><br>
<br>
<br>
A sharp suit and good hair cover all manner of sins.<br>
<br>
<br>
Oh dear, I thought, trying not to let my eyebrows rise too high. For someone who claimed to be good with words, Don Draper over here wasn’t exactly an oratory expert. <i>C’mon, Grace. Cut the guy some slack.</i> I must have been spending too much time with Mia. Criticism was her expertise, and I had unwittingly absorbed some of her skill.<br>
<br>
<br>
At least Kal was making an effort. He was trying to save face which was sweet of him. I chalked up his chattering to nerves (and a little embarrassment). It was an awkward introduction, sure, but it was normal and real. People weren’t always on top of their game. Seeing this side of my date right off the bat was weirdly refreshing. I suppose his silly tie said a lot already, but it was a relief that I could maybe slouch a little, throw in a few colorful words myself and not worry so much about being so effing proper around this guy.<br>
<br>
<br>
I was pleased to find his handshake both firm and dry. He had a great smile, too, the kind that reached his eyes and made you want to smile back. So I did.<br>
<br>
<br>
“Call me Grace,” I said. “It’s nice to meet you, too.”<br>
<br>
<br>
Now what? Do I wait for him to lead or would it be acceptable for me to take the reins? Some guys, I’ve found, didn’t like that.<br>
<br>
<br>
For a few uncomfortable moments I stood there, silent and itching to fidget. I flicked my gaze up to meet Kal’s once, twice, never lingering for more than a nanosecond. It was as if his eyes were too bright to look into, like the sun. That and staring at a near-stranger without speaking was just plain creepy.<br>
<br>
<br>
So instead I looked at the bartender over Kal’s shoulder, who was already getting backed up with drink orders. Babe and Barbie seemed to have made up. Their faces were practically glued together.<br>
<br>
<br>
The delicious smells of appetizers wafted through the lobby as a server breezed by with a large tray piled high with sliders and fries. Beyond the bar the lounge’s booths and tables were packed. Their occupants were happily drinking up and digging in to their grub.<br>
<br>
<br>
Off to the left a line was beginning to form at the rental desk. There were old couples, young couples, groups of giggling college girls and the stray cliques of guys who were eyeing them. Bursts of laughter rang out from the outside patio and upbeat ‘70s hits played over the speakers.<br>
<br>
<br>
Everyone else’s evening was in full swing, it seemed. But mine? It had already stalled before it had even started.<br>
<br>
<br>
I eyed the club rental desk again. A few more couples had gotten into line, which meant the course was going to be crowded. The bar, however, was clearing. A drink now certainly couldn’t hurt.<br>
<br>
<br>
Screw it.<br>
<br>
<br>
“C'mon, <i>Don.</i> Let's have a drink,” I said with a coy smile, and gestured toward the bar. “You can tell me the story behind this <i>unique</i> tie of yours.”</div>
				
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<span style="font-size: 24px"><span style="color: #000066">KarmaKalmelion</span></span><br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #000066">Kal Cavanaugh</span></span><br>
<br>​</div><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">"Grace. Right." I replied, immediately regretting how completely inane that had sounded. Not that I was expecting myself to come out with something utterly genius, of course, but shit, </span></span><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000"><i>anything</i></span></span><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000"> would have been better than just repeating her own fucking name back to her like a parrot that had only just learned how to speak. </span></span><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">Thankfully, she chose that moment to look round us, and I followed suit, frowning a little as I realised just how busy this place was.</span></span><br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000"><br>
The lounge was completely crammed full of people, every table occupied by people eating and drinking and practically rubbing their enjoyment of their food in my face. Here I was, with a crooked ratio of booze to food in my stomach, and they were noshing on stuff that looked- and smelled- delicious as hell. Fine. Food was out, then.</span></span><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">The club rental desk was backed up, too- the line was already ten couples deep, and there were more joining practically by the moment. I pricked my ears to try and hear anything relevant, but the only thing I managed to get was that there'd be a wait, and it wasn't exactly a short one. Well. That was that, then, wasn't it? </span></span><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">No food. No golf. What the fuck else was there to do at this place except...</span></span><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">....except she said the magic words, didn't she? 'Let's have a drink'. Yes. Yes, let's. OH. Wait. There were other words after that weren't there?</span></span><br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000"><br>
"So, funny story. Growing up, my dad wasn't really around...uh, at all, so I had to rely on stories about him and my ma's memories of what he'd been like, of stuff he'd like, of things he'd done, and, uh, she told me, once, kind of in passing that he'd loved The Muppets, almost to the point of, uh, of wanting to call me Kermit when I was born".</span></span><br>
<br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">I paused, flashing her a quick, nervous smile, then carried on through it. "As you can tell, that didn't happen, thank God. Anyway, she told me he loved them, so I decided to dive right in, and...I kind of discovered I loved them too. So I watched everything I could, bought everything I could, and got Muppet stuff every year for my birthday. This little beauty right here is one of a set I got for my twenty-first. There's also Kermit, Miss Piggy, Animal, Fozzy, Statdler and Waldorf, and Beaker. Not Dr Bunsen Honeydew, though. Just Beaker."</span></span><br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000"><br>
Again I paused, then shrugged. "So, uh, yeah....that's the story of it, I guess."</span></span></div>
				
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<b><span style="font-size: 18px">L'artiste</span></b><br>
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<span style="font-size: 12px">Grace Whitaker</span><br>​</div><br>
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<br>
Wow. When I saw Kal’s tie I thought, <i>Here’s a funny guy.</i> Now I wondered whether he’d rather this date be with Miss Piggy.<br>
<br>
<br>
Everyone has their quirks, though, right? <i>Right?</i><br>
<br>
<br>
“Oh,” I said. My mind was blank after that. I’d never met a grown man with a passion for children’s show puppets. It occurred to me that this might be some extravagant prank. Maybe Kal just had an odd sense of humor. But the way he spoke seemed uncomfortably sincere. The guy had a closet full of novelty ties because the father he never knew loved The Muppets. That was a lot of information to process for having met three minutes ago.<br>
<br>
<br>
It was time for a drink.<br>
<br>
<br>
Kal seemed so cocksure when he thought I was Barbie; now he looked awkward. Or maybe it was just me. Was I projecting my discomfort? Oh, god, did he think <i>I</i> was awkward? It was the dress. It had to be. I should have worn jeans and a blouse. I could have worn a bra and been comfortable, but instead I went commando in a dress that made me feel like I wasn’t feminine enough to wear it.<br>
<br>
<br>
My thoughts were getting out of control. So rather than wait for Kal’s cue, I abruptly focused my attention on the bar and made a beeline for the nearest empty stool. I ordered a whiskey sour, then turned toward my date.<br>
<br>
<br>
“Have a seat, Kal,” I said. “First drink’s on me.”</div>
				
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				<a href="/threads/the-world-of-valor-with-sugarbee-and-tryingtofindhope-abandoned.551170/" class="" data-tp-primary="on" data-xf-init="preview-tooltip" data-preview-url="/threads/the-world-of-valor-with-sugarbee-and-tryingtofindhope-abandoned.551170/preview">The World Of Valor - With SugarBee And TryingToFindHope (Abandoned)</a>
	

	

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