Butterflies and Chaos
<h1 id="title">Elliquiy Role Playing Forums</h1>
		<h2 id="linktree">Play-By-Post: Bondage, D/s, S&amp;M =&gt; Bondage: Human Solos =&gt; Topic started by: Livonii on 03-07-2008, 04:19:09</h2>
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			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Butterflies and Chaos</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Livonii</strong> on <strong>03-07-2008, 04:19:09</strong>
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				The train was late. Again. For the hundredth time I looked at my watch, as if that might make the train come sooner. {If I don't get to the meeting on time that deal is going to evaporate} I think, not for the first time. And my consulting practice might evaporate, too, as I needed the new project desperately.<br><br>I notice a hot chick sneaking a look at me, and I smile reflexively. I'm about five nine, and I work out regularly, so my abs are tight and I have a nice waist. But I don't really understand why women find me so attractive. {Maybe it's my beard,} I muse. But I'm not really that interested in another romance, as the pain of my recent breakup is too near, too intense. <br><br>As my anxious eyes scan the track, I notice a strange shimmering in the air, very near the end of the platform. Little points of light, like fireflies, dance in the shimmer. I can't help moving closer to check it out. {That is really weird,} I think as I stretch my hand out to try to catch one of the dancing motes.<br><br>My hand connects, and I feel as if I have dissolved into tiny pieces about the size of the mote. A billion tiny pieces. A billion tiny pieces. A billion tiny pieces. A billion tiny pieces. <br><br>My mind clears, and I look down at my body. I'm naked! {Where's the damn train station,} I think, for it's gone, along with the ugly telephone poles and station building and <em>everything</em> else. In its place... a lagoon, sandy beach, palm trees and a gentle breeze ruffling my prematurely silver hair. I look at my watch to see what time it is... but my watch is gone, too.<br><br>{I must be hallucinating,} I think. It will pass in a moment, I reassure myself. But it does not. The sun moves close to the horizon, and the mirage or whatever it is does not go away. {Damn! I've missed the meeting,} I think for the tenth time, but somehow that does not seem so important. Lying on the sand, I drift off to sleep.
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			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Butterflies and Chaos (Livonii and Ephemera)</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Ephemera</strong> on <strong>04-07-2008, 00:45:40</strong>
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			<dd class="postbody">
				I stand in the pouring rain, outside my hotel in Boston, desperately trying to wave down a taxi.&nbsp; The meeting with Dawson was scheduled for ten minutes ago, and if my damned shoe hadn’t broken on the way down the stairs, I’d have made it in plenty of time.&nbsp; Wouldn’t you know, the battery is dead on my blackberry, and not a taxi in sight.<br><br>Impatient adrenaline pushes me to start walking in the direction of the coffee bar, just four blocks from where I now stand.&nbsp; He’s surely waiting there…fingers drumming impatiently on the café table.&nbsp; Maybe, just maybe, a taxi will fall from the sky.&nbsp; Cursing myself for not packing an umbrella, I make my way to the curb, pause at the traffic light, and then cross the street.<br><br>{What I wouldn’t give to be sitting by the lake on my grandfather’s farm, sipping home-made wine and watching the fireflies dance along the tree-line.} I think to myself.&nbsp; Of course, I know better.&nbsp; Even if I were there, I’d be stuck in the guest bedroom, trying to get a decent internet connection with my wireless card, cursing about my dead Blackberry, and wishing I had more coffee options than “fresh-drip-mister”.<br><br>The rain seems to be letting up at least.&nbsp; I round the corner, and head south on B-street. Hoping&nbsp; the sun will come out and dry this linen suit a bit.&nbsp; {Fat chance.}&nbsp; <br><br>Ducking into a doorway to dry off my eye-glasses, I notice something strange shimmering in the air a few steps away.&nbsp; {Fireflies---in downtown Boston---in the rain?}&nbsp; The stress must be getting to me.&nbsp; Still, I can’t help reaching out to touch whatever it is.<br><br>My fingers connect, and I feel as if I have transformed into a billion tiny fireflies. A billion flashing, flickering lights. Flashing. Flickering. Firefly lights.<br><br>In an instant, I am standing there with the warmth of the sun heating my shoulders.&nbsp; I open my eyes to find I’m gazing out into an ocean so clear, I can see the coral not twenty feet in front of me.&nbsp; I turn slowly, taking in my surroundings---palm trees, white sand, and further inland, a dense jungle.&nbsp; <br><br>I am dizzy and confused and sit down hard, realizing suddenly that there’s nothing between me and the sand---no wet linen suit, no glasses, no blackberry---nothing.&nbsp; I’m naked, and alone on the most beautiful beach I have ever imagined.&nbsp; {Yeah, imagination…that’s it.&nbsp; This has got to be a dream.}&nbsp; I pinch myself, hard, sure that I’ll wake up passed out on the sidewalk on the way to meet Dawson.&nbsp; But nothing happens…and as I realize something is very, very wrong, the world goes suddenly black…<br>
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			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Butterflies and Chaos</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Livonii</strong> on <strong>04-07-2008, 01:41:28</strong>
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			<dd class="postbody">
				&nbsp;{ Man, that was some dream,&nbsp; } I think as I come awake. &nbsp;{ I haven't slept that well or peacefully in, shit, I don't know how long. } I think about the clear blue sky and the turquoise lagoon of my dream... and realize I am lying naked on some sand.<br><br>Huh? It slowly dawns on me that either I am still dreaming (dreaming about dreaming is a bad sign), or against all odds this is my current reality. I stand up, and look vainly around me for some sign of my clothes, my cell, my watch, my PDA... but all I can see is a lush paradise of an island. <br><br>To help keep my sanity, I decide to do my normal "away" exercise regimen, and begin running on the sandy beach, my cock bouncing a lot more than I like. That's why they make jock straps. But after a while, the euphoria of running, plus the constant up-and-down motion, turns floppy joe into hard harry. It's a lot more fun running with a rampant cock, and I let out a little surprised laugh at my thoughts.<br><br>After a long run I knock out about 200 situps and 100 pushups, then I take another short run, and plunge into the lagoon to cool off. So far I've seen nary a soul, but I'm sure that situation will change soon. &nbsp;{ I'm just on the undeveloped side of some resort island, } I reason to myself, not bothering to remember how I got here. Somehow that was très scary.<br><br>The day wears on, and I bask in the sun. When I get hungry, I eat some mangos and breadfruit, the juices running down my torso. &nbsp;{ I've never tasted mangos this good, } &nbsp;I think. This is heaven. Too bad it has to end. The day ends, I sink into the warm sand, and think &nbsp;{ Tomorrow I will go exploring and find civilization. } &nbsp;With this comforting thought I drift off to sleep.
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			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Butterflies and Chaos</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Ephemera</strong> on <strong>07-07-2008, 05:18:34</strong>
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				I wake slowly as the sound of lapping waves whispers in my ears, and the cool salty water brushes my skin.&nbsp; &nbsp;I sit up on the sand, the waves crawling between my toes as I try to clear the cobwebs.&nbsp; I don’t know how, but here I am sitting on a deserted beach.&nbsp; It’s a gorgeous place.&nbsp; I have no clothes, and in this sun, my fair skin is beginning to redden.&nbsp; {I’ve got to find some shade…and some food}&nbsp; My stomach growls out a demand.&nbsp; I stand, brush the sand from my naked body, and take a look around.<br><br>I head toward the tree-line, and find some mangos.&nbsp; They are ripe, and messy, but I don’t care.&nbsp; {I must have slept through the night, I’m starving so.} I eat as I wander looking for a shady spot.&nbsp; I don’t want to go too far into the jungle, as I have no idea where I am, or what kind of predators might be here on this island with me.&nbsp; I shudder, and refuse to follow that train of thought.<br><br>I spy a tiny cave that opens to the breeze, and looks out on the water.&nbsp; Crawling inside, I gather some bedding from the jungle floor, and set up a makeshift camp.&nbsp; I can feel the skin tingling, and beginning to redden, and decide it’s probably best if I rest here, out of the sun for a while.&nbsp; Maybe in the morning, I’ll explore a bit more, but I’m suddenly tired again.&nbsp; I lie down on the pile of palm fronds and shortly fall fast asleep.&nbsp; <br>
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			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Butterflies and Chaos</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Livonii</strong> on <strong>07-07-2008, 06:42:05</strong>
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			<dd class="postbody">
				I awake without any disorientation, the sun just beginning to light up the beach. {I must be on the northern end of the island} I reason, since I can see the sunrise off to the side, almost hidden by the treeline. It's still cool, so I decide to see if I can circumnavigate around the island. I flip a mental coin, and start out in a clockwise direction. The breeze feels wonderful against my skin, and as before the run soon gives me a pleasant erection. {I just need a flag,} I laugh to myself.<br><br>It's apparent that the island is not that large, assuming it's even roughly circular in shape, for I manage to run to what I judge to be the southern tip in about 4 or 5 hours. Even allowing for the slowing effect of the sand, I figure I've come at least 15 miles. So the island should be about 10 miles in diameter. So far I've seen a million mango, breadfruit and coconut trees, and not a single sign of human habitation. I'm beginning to suspect I am alone.<br><br>I continue my run around to the western side, and suddenly notice tracks in the sand. They appear to be human, but as I'm hardly an expert in such things I suspect my diagnosis is based at least fifty percent on hope. The tracks meander aimlessly, as if the person were lost. I try to follow them, but they disappear into the trees. I'm not inclined to follow them now, as it's starting to get dark and I have no idea whether the person, or thing, is friendly or not. So I retreat to the water's edge. I notice the tracks from my run, so I retrace my steps, as if I had turned around and headed back the way I came. Then I step into the surf, and begin wading counterclockwise around the island, back to my earlier lair.<br><br>I make it&nbsp; back home {Why do I think of this random patch of sand as 'home'} I wonder, having left no tracks other than those from my emergence from the ocean. I climb into a hollow between several boulders, and slip into an exhusted fitful sleep as the sun goes down. 
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			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Butterflies and Chaos</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Ephemera</strong> on <strong>10-07-2008, 06:30:32</strong>
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			<dd class="postbody">
				&nbsp; The bright light of morning wakes me from my sleep, and I stretch, the palm fronds scratchy against my pink, sunburned skin.&nbsp; I decide I need a bath, and hopefully something to soothe the burn, and walk along the edge of the jungle, hoping to get lucky.&nbsp; I’m searching for an aloe vera plant, a succulent that my grandmother used to grow in great huge pots on her sun porch.&nbsp; I know the gel inside will soothe a burn and help it heal.&nbsp; After a few moments, I spy what looks just like one of my grandmother’s plants, and break off the largest piece, carrying it with me to the water’s edge.&nbsp; Leaving it there on the sand, I slip into the clear water.<br><br>I’m surprised that the saltwater doesn’t irritate my burn as badly as I expected.&nbsp; I swim for a while, giving my body time to wake up,&nbsp; and then using the palms of my hands, because there is nothing else, I lightly caress my own skin, washing off the sand and debris from the cave floor.&nbsp; When I finish, I step from the water, and retrieve the huge aloe leaf.&nbsp; I break it open and scoop out the gel, spreading it thickly over my tender skin.&nbsp; Some areas are hard to reach, but overall, I feel much better as the burn begins to subside, and I start to feel normal.&nbsp; {as normal as one can feel standing naked on the beach of an uninhabited island in the middle of God knows where.}&nbsp; I decide to eat some more mangoes, and find a shady spot in which to do so.&nbsp; As I head back towards the cave, I notice a set of footprints…as though someone came out of the water…and walked off down the beach.&nbsp; <br><br>I wonder, could there be someone else here, who woke, washed up on this shore and set off to explore.&nbsp; {Yeah, sure.&nbsp; Perfectly logical.&nbsp; Why not just follow the footsteps and find this mystery person for yourself.&nbsp; They are probably stark naked and sunburned as you, anyway.} I admit to myself that I am a chicken, and turn to go back to the cave.&nbsp; Upon reaching the entrance, I get an idea.&nbsp; Choosing the largest palm frond I can find from my makeshift bed, I walk the twenty or so paces back to the water’s edge, and sweep away my footprints, walking backwards to the cave, in an effort to erase my tracks.&nbsp; {If the owner of the footprints comes back, they’ll have to find me on their own.&nbsp; I’m not leaving an invitation.}<br><br>I plop down on the palm frond pile, and nibble on a mango, wondering what in the world I’m going to do.<br>
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			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Butterflies and Chaos</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Livonii</strong> on <strong>10-07-2008, 07:40:57</strong>
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			<dd class="postbody">
				Next day dawns bright and brilliant, an instant reply of yesterday's magnificent sunrise. But my mind is only partly on the glory of creation, as I am wrestling with myself. Part of me is daring, the quintessential adventurer. That person wants to run counter-clockwise to where I found the tracks and follow them into the jungle as far as possible. Already I am feeling lonely, and the idea of possible human contact is soothing and exciting at the same time.<br><br>But the other part of me urges caution. I've read of modern day pirates who kidnap people and hold them for ransom. Or the tracks might have been made by a large gorilla. The point is, I just don't know, and what you don't know can kill you.<br><br>Finally Ramar of the Jungle wins out over Wilber Milktoast, and I head out into the surf to begin my walk. I'm a lot more cautious than before, looking for tracks and staying deeper in the water to keep a lower profile. But there's a problem. When I see a distinctive half-uprooted palm tree, I know I've gone past -- way past -- the point where I saw the tracks yesterday. Where did they go?<br><br>Standing in the water, I puzzle it out. {Somebody must have erased the tracks. So that somebody probably is afraid of me. And the person is intelligent, not a chimp or some other beast.} I climb out of the water, and approach the mystery person's lair from the south. If someone follows my tracks they will be going in the wrong direction. But still I see no tracks. I wish I'd paid more attention in Boy Scouts, as I might have been able to read the broken palm fronds. But to me, a broken branch is no more than potential firewood.<br><br>When I get as close as I can to where I think I saw the tracks, just working off my memory, I still see nothing. I stand there perplexed, wondering what to do next.
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			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Butterflies and Chaos</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Ephemera</strong> on <strong>13-07-2008, 03:38:09</strong>
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			<dd class="postbody">
				I hear rather than see him at first, walking in the surf just beyond the beach.&nbsp; He looks to be about ten years my senior, and nearly my height.&nbsp; I note the way his muscular, athletic body moves as he makes his way past me, and wonder if he is the owner of those footsteps I found in the sand below the cave.&nbsp; I can see that he too is naked. I try not to focus on his obvious attributes, wondering instead whether his experience has been similar to mine.&nbsp; <br><br>As he turns and makes his way back toward me, I feel both afraid and relieved.&nbsp; If he is in the same boat I am, inexplicably appearing here, and not a clue how or why, then it might be smart for the two of us to team up.&nbsp; Who knows what dangers this island might hold, and I’d feel much safer with a man like this around.&nbsp; On the other hand, what if he’s dangerous.<br><br>I decide to get a closer look, and step out of the cave, into the shadows of a nearby palm tree.&nbsp; Using the lush foliage just outside the cave, I make my way along the edge of the sand so that I can get a better view.&nbsp; Watching him warily, I lose my footing, and stumble.&nbsp; <br><br>I could never fall gracefully, and today is no exception.&nbsp; If I thought I could stay hidden, my cover is blown now.&nbsp; After rustling through the underbrush like a wild animal, I am sure the man will come searching.&nbsp; So, to save him the trouble, I limp into view on a turned ankle, and offer a cautious “Hello.”&nbsp; <br>
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			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Butterflies and Chaos</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Livonii</strong> on <strong>13-07-2008, 05:50:02</strong>
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			<dd class="postbody">
				I barely hear it over the noise of the surf pounding in my ear. A noise in the undergrowth, as if something fairly massive has fallen through the trees, breaking the stems. Instinctively I swivel my head, searching, but I can't see anything... but then I hear a timid-sounding voice off to my left, definitely female, say "Hello."<br><br>Turning toward the sound, I am stunned to see a woman emerging from the underbrush. She's favoring her ankle, and I surmise that she made the falling sound I heard. I smile reflexively, and say "Hello." Then I just stand there like an idiot, for it hits me that we're both totally naked. {Well, wouldn't that make a great pickup line} I muse abstractedly. {'Hey, didn't I just see you naked on a deserted tropical beach?'} <br><br>I notice that she's a bit taller than I am, maybe five-ten, and really built. Her legs are long and lithe, and I suspect she might be able to out-run me, at least in a sprint. I try to avoid looking at her too directly, so I pretend she is wearing clothes. {Sheesh! That's a new one!}&nbsp; But that is a non-starter. Somehow I manage to drag my eyes back to her face.<br><br>"Uhm, well, been here long? I've been here for three days. I don't really know what happened, I touched these fireflies and then I woke up here." I realize I'm babbling like a teenager who's just discovered girls, and I start to blush. Then I realize that my penis is betraying my sang froid by offering his own non-verbal greeting to this Venus, and my blush deepens to cover my entire face, ears and torso.<br><br>{I hope she has a sense of humor.} I think as I stand there, putting an inane and hopefully friendly smile on my face, not quite knowing what to do, and also hoping that whatever it is that we do, we do it together. For she really is a Venus.
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			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Butterflies and Chaos</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Ephemera</strong> on <strong>16-07-2008, 07:14:41</strong>
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			<dd class="postbody">
				As I step from behind the tree, I note that this man is actually quite attractive.&nbsp; His gray hair is close cut, and his beard looks to be neat and trim, in spite of three days worth of unattended growth.&nbsp; His smile is dazzling in the sunlight, and his square jaw begs to be traced with a finger. I refrain.&nbsp; There’s something too, around his eyes. They shimmer green and remind me of someone I can’t recall.&nbsp; {A bit of déjà vu can’t be too unusual after what I’ve…er, we’ve been through.}<br><br>I listen as he rattles off a string of phrases, nervous energy adding a slight pitch to his voice.&nbsp;&nbsp; His words trail off, and he colors slightly. I remember I too have reason to be shy.&nbsp; I’m standing here, totally bare, in front of a complete stranger.&nbsp; {Well, can I really call him a stranger, after having seen all his bits?}&nbsp; I lose the battle to keep my gaze above the vicinity of his chin, and note the broad expanse of his chest, the network of scars, obviously old and fully healed.&nbsp; I wonder.&nbsp; My gaze travels slowly across his shoulders, down his muscular waist, and suddenly, I feel as flush as he looks, and it’s not the sunburn talking.&nbsp; <br><br>{It’s like watching a train wreck…although that’s no reflection on his….} I think, and blush a deeper shade of red.&nbsp; My eyes refuse to tear themselves away, and so I force them closed, for a moment and take a deep breath.&nbsp; When I open them, I’m looking into those impossibly familiar eyes, and suddenly can’t remember how to speak.&nbsp; {Damn, Essa, get a grip.&nbsp; What’s wrong with you?}<br><br>I clear my throat with a nervous laugh, and nod my head.&nbsp; “Um, yeah.&nbsp; Fireflies, downtown Boston…been here a couple-three days, wherever here is…”&nbsp; My voice falters, and I try again.&nbsp; “I’m Essa.”&nbsp; I extend my hand.&nbsp; “You think you could, um, you know…I gave my ankle a pretty good turn back there.”<br>
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			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Butterflies and Chaos</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Livonii</strong> on <strong>16-07-2008, 09:51:25</strong>
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			<dd class="postbody">
				Venus seems to be just as embarrassed as I am, which in its own way is a real relief. Wait, she said her name. {Focus, man, focus!} "Ah, hi there, Essa. Pleased to meet you. I'm Stanley Renfrose, but my friends call me Stan... I mean Ren... I hate being called Stan since I was young I don't know why.... Ren. Call me Ren." He stutters to a stop. {Damn, man, get a grip! This isn't the first naked broad you've encountered.} <br><br>The more rational part of my brain realizes that I'm not really thinking of her as a broad, but rather as a Venus, a goddess. {Marooned with a goddess. Zowie!} My eyes refuse to stay glued to her face the way they should, and instead keep wandering down the luscious curves of her body. I'm entranced by her pussy, which is shaved very, very close -- just enough hair left to maximize the erotic effect. <br><br>It finally penetrates my overworked brain that she's turned her ankle and is asking for help. I offer her my arm, and as her skin touches mine some kind of electric shock passes through me. It's different from static electricity. I try to classify the feeling, even as I realize that the shock is continuing, like someone is tickling me with a feather, except that it doesn't tickle. {Slippery,}&nbsp; I think. {It feels slippery, but not wet.} I give up. Whatever it is, I like the feeling.<br><br>I hear a disembodied woman's voice off in the distance! <em> He's kind of cute when he blushes. </em> I turn to look, but can't see anyone. "Did you hear that?" I ask Essa. "Someone said, 'He's kind of cute when he blushes.'" Then the meaning of the words hit me, and my blush just gets deeper -- although a minute ago I would have said <em>that</em> was impossible. 
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			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Butterflies and Chaos</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Ephemera</strong> on <strong>19-07-2008, 00:48:38</strong>
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			<dd class="postbody">
				I’m still staring into his eyes, and smile when I notice they are definitely not being still.&nbsp; They wander over my form appreciatively, and when they flicker back to my face, he blushes like a kid caught with his hand in the candy jar.&nbsp; {He’s kind of cute when he blushes.}&nbsp; <br><br>I accept his arm, thankful for the assistance.&nbsp; His hand is warm in mine.&nbsp; My thumb slides along the top of his, and I feel an odd,&nbsp; tingling sensation.&nbsp; I must be getting dizzy from the sunburn---and the excitement---and the pain in my now throbbing ankle.&nbsp; His mouth is moving.&nbsp; I try to focus through this foggy feeling. {What’s he saying to me?}&nbsp; &nbsp;<br><br>I stutter, “Stan…um…sorry…Ren…I’m really glad you happened along.” <br><br>That strange feeling is growing stronger, and I wonder briefly if I’ll stumble right into him.&nbsp; Then I hear his voice clearly. <br><br>“Someone said, ‘He’s kind of cute when he blushes.” <br><br>{What the hell?&nbsp; The heat must be getting to you Essa.&nbsp; That’s utterly impossible.}&nbsp; ...impossible.<br><br>{Woah.} &nbsp;My gaze still locked on his incredible eyes, I see them narrow, and feel as though they can see right into me. {Can you…can you hear me…or have I lost my mind?}<br>
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			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Butterflies and Chaos</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Livonii</strong> on <strong>20-07-2008, 08:50:30</strong>
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			<dd class="postbody">
				My hand on her arm, I try to stabilize her. The not wet but slippery feeling stays with me, weird but quite nice. If anything it seems to intensify slightly when our hands touch. <br><br>Then the same disembodied voice says, <em> What the hell?&nbsp; The heat must be getting to you Essa.&nbsp; That’s utterly impossible. </em> I look around quickly, but there's nobody within 100 yards of us. I look back at Essa, and see something in her eyes. Fear? Hope? I look deeply, trying to discern her mood, her feelings.<br><br><em> Can you hear me…or have I lost my mind? </em> The words are crystal clear, as if I were using earbuds on my iPod. I sense the words echoed in her eyes and in the tightening of her hand in mine. I'm totally flummoxed. {Am I reading her mind? That's not possible!} <br><br>All the while a different part of my mind is exploring her body, simply devouring the sight of this Venus before me. {How I want to kiss her and hold her tightly against me!} The thought runs as a counterpoint as my brain tries to unravel the mystery of the voices in my head. Her voices. <br><br>She seems transfixed, as if turned to stone. {How I want to hold her!} I think again, putting the ridiculous idea of telepathy aside, and somehow I find my arms reaching out to encircle her, to pull her into my embrace.
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			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Butterflies and Chaos</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Ephemera</strong> on <strong>22-07-2008, 21:34:33</strong>
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			<dd class="postbody">
				{Oh god, is it possible?&nbsp; His thoughts? Like water seeping into my brain, into me, I can feel, hear, him. This is absolutely the weirdest…most vulnerable… connected feeling I’ve ever had.&nbsp;&nbsp; NononoNO.&nbsp; Not possible.&nbsp; I have walls for a reason.&nbsp; I’m guarded, I keep my distance….I know better.&nbsp; <em>Don’t let them in, they can’t hurt you.&nbsp; Can’t uncover you.&nbsp; Can’t….</em> damn it! DAMN IT! This is NOT possible.&nbsp; Can you, see, hear, feel me?}<br><br>My eyes narrow, …I want to hold…, and his arms {your arms} are wrapped around me.&nbsp; I feel both frightened and safe, strangely at home. {Who the hell are you?} My logical mind disconnects, and I lean in, sighing. {I am so lonely, so confused...so frightened.} My tears wet my face, and I tremble, overwhelmed with….{just everything.}&nbsp; I close my eyes and breathe.&nbsp; As long as here, now, this feeling lasts.&nbsp; I don’t care. {I’m falling…will you catch me?}<br>
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			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Butterflies and Chaos</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Livonii</strong> on <strong>23-07-2008, 14:00:28</strong>
			</dt>
			<dd class="postbody">
				The chaos of her thoughts crashes over me. <em> seeping water... vulnerable... distance... connected... DAMN IT! This is NOT... uncover... absolutely...</em>[/i] I reel in shock. I hear the echo of my thought in her... thought? {I am hearing her thoughts!} <br><br>My logical brain revs up into the red zone, threatening to burn out completely from the conceptual, mental and sensory overload. I realize that some of what I'm feeling, like the burning on my skin, is actually what <strong>she</strong> is feeling! I almost let go, am on the brink of pulling away, when her plaintive thought/cry reaches my mind/ear... <em> I'm falling... will you catch me? </em><br><br>You catch me as I fall into an abyss of fearful darkness, my tears wetting <br>her face, but I sense them clearly, and realize that my arms have locked<br>protectively around me, crushing my breasts to his chest, his breath hot<br>on her neck as I instinctively bury my face beneath her chin. What is happening to<br>us? I continue to tremble, and my fear grows. Gods, i need to be held<br>she needs to be held, i understand and i need to hold her, a last vestige of the<br>stable reality i once had. <em>Are you safe?</em> i think desperately <br>i feel her/my/our desperation. <em> are you safe?</em> we echo.<br><br>I'm starting to be able to sort her thought from mine, her feelings from my sensations. But it's still a major jumble. And where do we go next? {How can we... Shit! Oh, fuck, she hears every... damn. shut up mind!} But it's too late by far.<br><br>i hear his cussing and smile <em> you should hear my father </em><br>{ah you are not offended? i'm sorry... i will try}<br><em>hush it's all right. let me help you. shit fuck cunt damn, uh, pussy <em></em></em><br>I laugh out loud his laughter tickles my ribs as she tries to swear<br>{thank you, Essa. you are nice. I want to hold you forever.} <br><em>thank the gods. do not let me go i will drown</em>
			</dd>
			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Butterflies and Chaos</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Ephemera</strong> on <strong>23-07-2008, 22:48:36</strong>
			</dt>
			<dd class="postbody">
				i reach for you…deeper, farther, closer, trembling<br>feel you fill my mind slowly, cautiously<br>it’s like exploring the rooms of a <br>house---i already know what’s behind each door&nbsp; <br>i hear you breathe, think, reaching for me <br>reaching for you…my <br>our heart is pounding in the noisy silence <br>and i can almost separate you from me, <br>thoughts from thoughts—but not quite&nbsp; <br>You are everywhere, and somehow, it’s <br>okay<br>familiar<br>safe<br><br>"Rem?" I whisper softly, my voice sounds strange…alien to my own ears.<br><br>don’t---<br><br>just breathe…listen...i’ve got you&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<br>ankle…sunburn…i feel faint---think i need to lie down in the <br>shade, yes, the cave, let’s see if we can<br>yeah…easy does it…ouch<br><br>We limp to the cave together, testing the sensation of each other, listening, feeling our way. <br>Our breathing is ragged in the humid tropical air.&nbsp; The shade inside is cool and soothing and you sit, <br>pulling me gently into your lap and cradle me there.<br><br>don’t let go, I’ve <br>got you <br>stay <br>yes<br><br>I curl against you and close my eyes, hiding, somewhere inside, in a corner that feels safe and normal and right.<br>
			</dd>
			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Butterflies and Chaos</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Livonii</strong> on <strong>25-07-2008, 08:58:36</strong>
			</dt>
			<dd class="postbody">
				I pull some rushes and palm leaves into a makeshift futon, and sit down in the delicious shade. I pull you gently into my lap and cradle you there. I stroke your hair. A tear forms in my eye but I quickly blink it away.<br><br>don't let go, I've<br>"got you" I murmur {I can not tell if I think or speak the words} <br>stay {with me always} <br><em> yes, yes, yes </em>we echo together.<br><br>As you curl against me, half of my sight disappears. At first I panic, but then realize you've closed your eyes. "Don't hide. You are safe" I say think feel. <br><br>I feel you feeling me filling you. <em>how can we</em><br><em>separate ourselves?</em> Feeling apart I shudder, enough of apartness<br><em>apart is not good.</em> I feel you together. I shudder, feeling you inside me<br><em>but we are not making love</em><br><em>yes we are.</em> our minds intimate loving safe. <br>i need to be... intimate... in you... of you...<em>love me...</em><br><br>My hand moves from your hair to your breast, cupping it. The<br>feel of your hand on my breast is intoxicating, <em>i trust you</em><br><br>The tingling I've been feeling since I touched Essa has continued, even intensified. I briefly wonder if it's really some kind of aphrodisiac, then give up the analysis in favor of experiencing the present reality of Essa relaxing in my arms. <br><br><em>Essa, would you mind, i mean, well</em><br>i know his mind, and i can feel his desire in the flush of his chest<br><em>i trust you. you fill me already. fill me now. i am ready.</em><br>my core has expressed its need for you, and i am wet and ready.<br>i feel your wetness with my skin before i ever touch you<br><em>Essa! </em>i almost moan, <em>are we sure yes yes i you we are sure.</em><br>our phallus leaks his own fluids, wetting our thighs with his tears<br>i laugh, <em>they are joyful tears come inside me now i want you</em><br><em>now not later</em> we echo, reverberating in our very souls.
			</dd>
			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Butterflies and Chaos</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Ephemera</strong> on <strong>30-07-2008, 21:55:33</strong>
			</dt>
			<dd class="postbody">
				I’ve never felt so…&nbsp; never felt <em>this</em>.&nbsp; <br>Although my mind reels with the improbability of this reality<br>---this present experience, there is no logic.&nbsp; <br>I open my eyes and look up at Rem.&nbsp; <br>The wonder I feel is etching it’s way across his face.&nbsp; <br>If i’m dreaming, i don’t care.&nbsp; <br>i don’t ever want to wake to empty, alone reality, again.<br><br>Here, in your arms, in your mind, <br>I feel as though I’m falling.&nbsp; <br>You are my safety net--a place familiar, <br>and yet, new, amazing.&nbsp; &nbsp;<br>I am drawn---filled with the need <br>to surrender completely and know all of you, <br>receive everything in you---of you.&nbsp; <br>Are we sure? <br>Yes, yes…we are sure….now<br>…tears<br><br>i reach for you and find you <br>reaching for me brushing tears from my face, <br>inside you, inside <br>us – where do i end and you begin? <br>I don’t know, don’t care anymore. <br>There’s something here, something right <br>about being in your<br>my arms wrapping around you, <br>clinging, fingers pulling at the nape <br>of your neck your <br>lips brushing against <br>yours, soft, warm, insistent.&nbsp; <br>i press my tongue to your mouth, <br>requesting admission, entrance into <br>you, a mouth i<br>know….you know me already, <br>mouth, arms, legs, body, soul, <br>more naked before you <br>than I’ve ever been. <br>i tremble with fear, hope, <br>anticipation, need, <br>and my trembling is echoed <br>in your body so very close to mine. <br>i open my mouth and drink you in.<br><br><br>Somewhere in the background the surf rhythmically pushes, <br>pulls the beach into itself.&nbsp; The sound is soothing.&nbsp; <br>A noise I can’t identify, but suppose is a bird, <br>echoes from the direction of the trees---a haunting, clarion call.&nbsp; <br><br>I don’t know where I am…this island, this strange, new mystery around me.&nbsp; <br>But I don’t care.&nbsp; Right now, all I want is to explore this man, <br>this whatever-it-is-connection that is happening now.&nbsp; <br><br>Who.<br><br>Are.<br><br>You?
			</dd>
			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Butterflies and Chaos</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Livonii</strong> on <strong>31-07-2008, 10:56:02</strong>
			</dt>
			<dd class="postbody">
				The words reverberate in my... our... minds.<br><br>Who.&nbsp; &nbsp;Who.&nbsp; Am.&nbsp; &nbsp; We.<br><br>Are.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;Am.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; I.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Are.<br><br>You?&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;I?&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; You?&nbsp; &nbsp;Us!<br><br>Your tongue enters my mouth and I share the erotic, electric sense of your touch on my teeth and finding my own tongue as I touch you myself, dueling tongues desperate to know each other we know we feel I feel you!<br><br>I feel your phallus growing, strong and insistent yet controlled and I want you inside me, fierce and tender, filling me to overflowing with our uncontrolled spasms.<br>Are we sure? There is no going back, there is no exit for I will be inside you and can never exit<br>I know. How can we not be sure this has never happened to me us you before but I have been waiting all my life to feel you inside me like this.<br>I am sure. I feel my penis about to explode, but I hold back. Slowly, so slowly<br>he enters me. I feel his phallus filling me inch by inch, sliding majestically into<br>her vagina, already so lubricated with fluids that there is almost no<br>resistance to his motions. His shaft rubs my clit in a delicious glissando,<br>her muscles tightening around my phallus as it slides to the back of<br>my womb. I sigh with contentment, with being filled.<br><br><em>"Essa. Rem. I am here with us. Yes, we are here together."</em><br><br>I feel an itch just between her shoulder blades, where she can not reach, so<br>he moves his hand divinely touching the exact spot, for he feels my<br>body the same way I feel my own. I realize my pleasure would increase if...<br>so I just slow down a little, and press up, allowing the curved tip of<br>his phallus to massage <em>that</em> place. (Like this!) (Yes, like this!)<br>Her nipples poke into my chest, little hard pebbles of desire that<br>send electric spikes through my body every time my chest pushes<br>against them, for he feels my body respond to his motions, just as <br>she feels my body respond to her motions.<br><br>I am confused. I am lost in a mishmash of overlapping sensations, a sensory load designed for only one brain to handle. Yet I feel our minds moving together, melding in some inexplicable way, fusing into a gestalt of pleasure, sensations, thoughts, memories, desires, lusts, fears, hope, and physical reactions.<br><br>Even in my confusion, I realize that there is more. I decide to try an experiment, deliberately thinking of the time my father and I went fishing off the little beaver dam on Cat Creek. Pleasant memories begin to wash back over my mind from Essa, and I realize she can see my memories as clearly as I do once I think of them.<br><br>In the blink of an eye, my mind shifts gears, and I recall a different event, darker, I am ashamed...<br><br>-- stop, don't remember that! -- the time that -- she will loathe you! stop! -- i am in a brothel in the -- no! no!&nbsp; o gods, think of, of, of -- Philippines, and I go inside with the guys. I want to but am afraid -- fishing on Cat Cr -- the girl is barely 16 I'm Alicia, hi there, she says and she says she likes me&nbsp; -- the creek is full with spring rain -- her nipples are long and taut. She's naked except for panties.<br><br><em>I try desperately to block the memory, but it's not possible.</em> -- She takes my glasses -- Cat Creek, we caught many fish and -- she stuffs them right up into her cunt, I gasp, then she smiles, a wicked I've got you now smile. -- Shift. Another. Anything. I am ahead in the backstroke race for once. I am going to win! Yes, I -- Shit! She takes my glasses from her cunt and puts them on my face. I smell -- I am going to win -- her juices as they drip down onto my nose. She's naked now and she pulls my -- gods, no, stop! -- pants down my cock is like a rock. She sucks me -- Cat Creek blue ribbon -- <br><br><em>The memory of Alicia sears through my brains I know Essa must react with the same loathing for me that I have and...</em> peace, it's all right... What? Huh? -- I would be a good wife for you. Marry me. -- Calm. Peace. I know you. This is a bad episode but I accept you. -- I erupt in her mouth and she swallows it all. -- Hold me! -- How long has it been since you were with a woman she asks. -- Somewhere. Anywhere. My new bicycle... Alicia looks ancient now. Fuck me she says, I will cum for you. -- Backstroke I am winning -- I pick up my trousers and flee the whorehouse.<br><br>I slump over, exhausted by the trial of this memory, sure that Essa will despise me, feeling her acceptance in spite of the tale, wanting Essa to feel me inside and desperately needing her.
			</dd>
			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Butterflies and Chaos</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Ephemera</strong> on <strong>04-08-2008, 23:49:29</strong>
			</dt>
			<dd class="postbody">
				I am here.&nbsp; I am.<br>I hold Rem close, and whisper inside my head, his head<br>It’s okay.&nbsp; I’ve got you. <br>We will never be alone again.<br>But, I’m afraid, there are dark rooms<br>inside us both, my love<br>I know.&nbsp; <br>I know you.<br>I have my own darkness<br>memories of pain and humiliation<br>Here, I have the keys, in my hand.<br>Take them.&nbsp; They are yours.<br>What will I, you find, behind those doors<br>Doesn’t matter any more, <br>now that you’re here<br>Do you trust me?<br><br>I move with him, gently, steadily, reaching further and wrapping myself around him…literally, figuratively.&nbsp; I feel his need, overwhelming at first, and then right.&nbsp; Breathing him in, I know…you fit my soul.<br><br>I sort through the injuries of the past, the hidden memories, and purposely, deliberately recall for him, for us… <br><br>He was a friend of a friend of a family member.&nbsp; Older, cute.&nbsp; I was fourteen, awkward. You don’t wanna go here...&nbsp; It was an indoor ice skating rink.&nbsp; He chose to skate with me, and the girls he knew didn’t like it one bit. Maybe you should try something simpler, like when you flubbed your oral report. Later, he kissed me, and we ended up in a quiet place, making out.&nbsp; Nonono… first time you sang in front of the church... &nbsp;He touched me where nobody had before.&nbsp; But when he started to enter me, I stopped him.&nbsp; I couldn’t go any farther.&nbsp; He’ll blame you.&nbsp; Think you were a tease.&nbsp; NO.&nbsp; I accept you.&nbsp; I’ve got you.&nbsp; I know.&nbsp; Breathe, and spill it quickly.&nbsp; He got ugly, said horrible things…about me, about my mother.&nbsp; He forced me to jack him off.&nbsp; I was mortified.<br><br>I feel your arms around me, wide eyed, wide open I find<br>myself in you and you in me…acceptance<br>I feel you breathe, and settle into me<br>I trust you<br>I know you<br>
			</dd>
			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Butterflies and Chaos</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Livonii</strong> on <strong>06-08-2008, 14:59:27</strong>
			</dt>
			<dd class="postbody">
				&nbsp;Hush, love. I know you, I trust you. I love you. <br>&nbsp;But I am so ashamed of <br>&nbsp;<strong>Hush</strong> That was before and we all have dark corners and places we hide from everyone. But you have the keys to my heart, Essa <br>&nbsp;I know. But I still wonder. {I see a darkness over <em>there</em> and point.} What is that? <br>&nbsp;I feel a blush creep up my face, turning my skin bright red for <br>&nbsp;he does not want to tell me, Oh i wish i had not asked please forgive <br>&nbsp;you? No it is all right. I will tell you. I <em>must</em> tell you. &nbsp;<br><br>I feel the door to that particular room creak open, to a time I had deliberately forgotten. I had arrived home early, thinking we might have a nice dinner and then make love. It had been so long, and i was desperately horny. {OK. Great story. Now just gloss over your anger, say it was bad.} {No,} I argue with myself, {I must tell the whole truth} {Tell me, I will still know you and accept you.} <br><br>I went to her, tried to nuzzle her, but she pushed me away. <br>I'm so sorry <br>I kept on trying, ignoring the signs that something was wrong. She went ballistic, I got angry. <br>You were not yourself... Tell me. I accept you. <br>"You fucking bitch. You never want to fuck me any more. Your cunt must be more dried out than a prune! I wish I'd never married a cunt-faced prude like you!" <br>I begin to weep with remorse for the words spoken in anger, my tears flowing down our cheeks without bidding, without shame.<br>I went out to the garage, and picked up a 10-pound sledge hammer. I wanted to kill her. I was going to kill her. <br>I tremble with anxiety... I can tell you did not kill her. Tell me all. <br>I hit a four by eight sheet of one-inch plywood, cracking it. Somehow the plywood became her, and I pounded her into a pulp. Not a bone left unbroken. Blood smeared all over the floor. I left the body and the murder weapon on the floor, went down to my basement office and got drunk. <br>But you did not kill her, Rem. You didn't." <br>But I <em>wanted</em> to so badly. And I came so close. She never knew. I cleaned up the kindling from the garage floor, and she never knew. <br><br>I slump in exhaustion, again drained by the recounting, the cathartic release telling this story has brought. <br><br>You are still here! <br>And still I accept you. I must, i can do nothing else. <br>i need you now, Essa, i need} <br>to come inside me. i know. he needs the acceptance now that <br>i did not have then, have never really had. i need you to accept <br>you inside of me now. i know. love me now, Rem, fill me now. <br><br>All this time, our bodies have been communicating on a lower, more physical plane. Locked in each other's arms, my phallus deep inside her vagina, i realize we are wetter than anything we/i have ever experienced. my/our rocking motions intensify, starting to build. we seek our mouths, our tongues invading, touching and twining together.<br><br>All I can feel is Essa's arms and mind around me, holding me from inside and out. <em>Acceptance</em>. I feel a sense of amazement building inside me. I realize that somehow this, this <em>connection</em> is much more than mere telephathy. With it comes a capacity for grace, understanding and acceptance that must be from God himself. Surely as a mere mortal I've never welcomed another person as unflinchingly and completely, nor have I received such, either. The swirl of my thoughts slowly congeals and surfaces...<br><br>&nbsp;It is a gift of God, to be accepted by you like this. <br>&nbsp;
			</dd>
			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Butterflies and Chaos</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Ephemera</strong> on <strong>11-08-2008, 23:30:55</strong>
			</dt>
			<dd class="postbody">
				I am trembling&nbsp; <br>Overwhelmed with emotion <br>sensation, such raw otherness <br>like nothing I’ve ever imagined<br>couldn’t imagine until now&nbsp; <br><br>Acceptance.<br><br>I feel my body responding <br>wet heat building<br>it’s as though every cell is <br>reaching out, <br>pulling Rem into my body.&nbsp; <br>To be seen, and accepted <br>even my darkness<br>it’s overwhelming<br>my conscious mind sifts <br>through the sensations <br>my thoughts, Rem’s thoughts <br>did he just?<br><br>Suddenly, I can’t breathe.&nbsp; <br><br>I heard him.&nbsp; He said, “I love<br>you.” Essa.&nbsp; I do.<br>but how can you know?&nbsp; <br>The thought sounds silly <br>even as it spills from me into <br>this us-consciousness.&nbsp; <br>Of course <br>he knows.&nbsp; <br>You know <br>Essa, don’t you?&nbsp; <br>Is there really <br>any question?<br><br>I falter, hesitate, <br>and even as my mind <br>stumbles on the words, <br>my heart cries out, <br>desperate to be heard<br><br>Yes! Yes i know.&nbsp; <br>i know you.&nbsp; i know.&nbsp; <br>Rem, i love you, i do, i<br>know, Essa, i know, <br>i love you too.<br>&nbsp;<br>Our bodies meld, <br>fuse together, <br>and I am swimming <br>in him, he in me.&nbsp; <br>Every other sensation is <br>swallowed up by the pure, <br>delicious tension of our union.&nbsp; <br>He is everywhere, <br>and our every nerve ending <br>flames with desire, <br>passion raging, hungry to be met <br>and engulfed in white hot flame. &nbsp;<br><br>I can feel his erection <br>throbbing, tightening<br>as though it were mine, <br>the urge to thrust deeper into <br>you/me/us so overwhelming <br>so natural I know I will <br>explode, erupt into us<br>receiving all of you <br>--– tumbling, falling into us<br>reeling from the impact of orgasm<br>mine, yours, ours <br>simultaneous, indistinguishable<br>inseparable, exquisite!<br>
			</dd>
			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Butterflies and Chaos</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Livonii</strong> on <strong>26-09-2008, 23:12:35</strong>
			</dt>
			<dd class="postbody">
				My orgasm begins long before I explode, a rolling crescendo of feelings unlike anything I've ever experienced. More than twice as intense. It hits like a sledgehammer. I can not stop. My hips slam against her body like a pile driver pushing a pole deeper and deeper into the ground of her body, a cock in an elemental earthen female recieving the essence of male, motions one, a thought barely formed in one mind before completed in the other, knowing this, that, what will please and doing it instinctively because it's me not her and<br><br>my muscles clamp his cock and ripple deliciously along its engorgement as he<br>slips inside her so slowly, our cock enormous. i wonder how i can control my motions but somehow<br>he does and my cunt grows wetter {how can it be any wetter i don't know but} oh, gods!<br>she's gushing! what a flowing river i must taste her <em>now</em> i lower my lips<br>to my vagina and he presses against me, sucking on my clitoris how did his lips get there a moment ago they were<br>{i know} sucking her lips, but i could not help myself, my body is not my body it is<br>my body {i know you i know your my our body} and now it is my<br>turn i am so close so close i want to {hush i know you} yes to fuck us you merging melding <br>i know he is going to explode soon and it must not be into the air. i start rotating my hips<br>under my body {yes take me in your mouth} i place my cock at<br>my lips, so sweet, his fluids dripping, tasting a little salty and yet slippery non-sweet.<br>i feel her lips on my glans, thrust into ecstasy and pull hard at her clitoris, sucking<br>{harder my lover harder o gods} he pulls my clit out and out and slides his tongue {put your fingers inside i am going to gush again}
			</dd>
		</dl>
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