Calvin Coolidge Memorial Teaching Hospital - Player's Guide to 1970s Medicine
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		<h2 id="linktree">Play-By-Post: Extreme =&gt; Extreme Small Groups =&gt; Topic started by: Ramster on 19-01-2011, 19:00:59</h2>
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				Title: <strong>Calvin Coolidge Memorial Teaching Hospital - Player's Guide to 1970s Medicine</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Ramster</strong> on <strong>19-01-2011, 19:00:59</strong>
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				This guide will comprise a basic guide to medicine as practiced at CCMTH. The idea here is to provide a glossary of medical terms and slang, as well as a catalogue of diseases, their symptoms and treatments. It'll be updated at least semi-regularly as we get more patients who need their condition explained.<br><br>First of all, the<br><br>LAWS OF MEDICAL PRACTICE:<br><br><strong>1. GOMERS DON’T DIE.<br>2. GOMERS GO TO GROUND.<br>3. AT A CARDIAC ARREST, THE FIRST PROCEDURE IS TO TAKE YOUR OWN PULSE.<br>4. THE PATIENT IS THE ONE WITH THE DISEASE.<br>5. PLACEMENT COMES FIRST.<br>6. THERE IS NO BODY CAVITY THAT CANNOT BE REACHED WITH A #14G NEEDLE AND A GOOD STRONG ARM.<br>7. AGE + BUN (Blood Urea Nitrogen) = LASIX DOSE.<br>8. THEY CAN ALWAYS HURT YOU MORE.<br>9. THE ONLY GOOD ADMISSION IS A DEAD ADMISSION.<br>10. IF YOU DON’T TAKE A TEMPERATURE, YOU CAN’T FIND A FEVER.<br>11. SHOW ME A MED STUDENT WHO ONLY TRIPLES MY WORK AND I WILL KISS HIS FEET.<br>12. IF THE RADIOLOGY RESIDENT AND THE MEDICAL STUDENT BOTH SEE A LESION ON THE CHEST X-RAY, THERE CAN BE NO LESION THERE.<br>13. THE DELIVERY OF GOOD MEDICAL CARE IS TO DO AS MUCH NOTHING AS POSSIBLE.</strong>
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			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Calvin Coolidge Memorial Teaching Hospital - Player's Guide to 1970s Medicine</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Ramster</strong> on <strong>19-01-2011, 19:10:47</strong>
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				<span style="font-size: 14pt;" class="bbc_size"><strong>GLOSSARY</strong></span><br><br>Here's a glossary, to start with. It will expand as the game starts and medical terms start flying.<br><br><strong>arrhythmia</strong> = irregular heart rate<br><strong>bounce</strong> = An unsuccessful <strong>TURF</strong> attempt whereby a patient is <strong>TURF</strong>ed straight back by the receiving department. Reason enough to <strong>BUFF</strong> charts properly. See below.<br><strong>BUFF</strong> = To make a patient's chart look extra suitable to <strong>TURF</strong> them elsewhere, for instance by highlighting symptoms that will attract the interest of a different department, e.g. surgery. See <strong>TURF</strong> and <strong>bounce</strong>.<br><strong>CJD</strong> = <strong>Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease</strong> = a human variant of Mad Cow disease, an <strong>encephalopathy</strong>. Very bad, causes incurable madness and death. Rare.<br><strong>encephalopathy</strong> = a brain disorder. Serious (duh!) Comes in many, many varieties and degrees of severity and commonness. <br><strong>gomer</strong> = GOMER = Get Out Of My Emergency Room. Chronically and seriously ill senile patient, severely demented, who keeps seeming to be in mortal danger but who doesn't die, as per LAW #1. <br><strong>gomere</strong> = Female <strong>gomer</strong>. See above.<br><strong>gomertose</strong> = The condition of being a <strong>gomer</strong>.<br><strong>LOL in NAD</strong> = Little Old Lady in No Apparent Distress. More common than male variant. A LOL in NAD is an old lady who checks into either the clinic or the emergency room, worried about an extremely minor or nonexistent condition. If said LOL is unnecessarily hospitalised and subjected to aggressive treatment of her minor or nonexistent condition, she may develop into a <strong>gomer</strong> with time. However, if nothing else, the difference is that a LOL in NAD can go home after seeing the doctor.<br><strong>LOM in NAD</strong> = Little Old Man in No Apparent Distress. See above.<br><strong>pleural effusion</strong> = fluid in the chest cavity (where it shouldn't be)<br><strong>stat</strong> = immediately, right now. From Latin <em>statim</em>.<br><strong>tachycardia</strong> = an unhealthily fast heart rate<br><strong>TURF</strong> = To transfer a patient to another department so s/he is no longer ones problem. Essential task for successful treatment, as it allows one to do as much nothing as possible.<br>
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			<dt class="postheader">
				Title: <strong>Re: Calvin Coolidge Memorial Teaching Hospital - Player's Guide to 1970s Medicine</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Ramster</strong> on <strong>19-01-2011, 19:13:12</strong>
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				<strong><span style="font-size: 14pt;" class="bbc_size">1970S SOCIETY AND TECHNOLOGY </span></strong><br><br>Will be explained and updated here.
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				Title: <strong>Re: Calvin Coolidge Memorial Teaching Hospital - Player's Guide to 1970s Medicine</strong><br>
				Post by: <strong>Ramster</strong> on <strong>20-01-2011, 16:07:22</strong>
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				<strong><span style="font-size: 14pt;" class="bbc_size">Diseases &amp; Procedures</span></strong><br><br>Will be listed and&nbsp; explained here.
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