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<br>
<span style="font-size: 18px"><b>The sun was high</b></span> above the African Savannah, yet the mood was dark. Three days had passed, yet the Safari, ambitious as it was, still faltered in its goal. The troubled safari guide, a man who showed his experience through the age of his face, rimmed his hat to cloak his skin from the red hot sun. “This is taking too long. By now the rainy season will begin and we’ll be flooded out.” His eyes, first skimming the horizon, turned to his troubled team. “I think we need to turn back.”<br>
<br>
<br>
  His decision was met with silence. The crew, five in total, seemed too exhausted to object their seasoned leader’s wishes. Instead his words were met with soft nods, and quiet mumbles of agreement. It seemed the heat of the savannah dried up the hopes of the entire team, and the truck driver turned his steering wheel sharply to the right. All were in silent unanimous agreement but one. Without hesitation the black cloaked figured rose off of his seat, grunting in disappointment.<br>
<br>
<br>
“Hold on now! Sit back down!” The guide motioned. “We have to turned back.”<br>
<br>
<br>
“No.” The figure demanded.<br>
<br>
<br>
“What? We can’t go on, the river is bound to flood and we’ll be doomed!”<br>
<br>
<br>
The hood dropped, and Mike Tyson revealed his warrior-decorated face. “I came to fight the hippopotomusth’! We ain’t turning around!”<br>
<br>
<br>
The guide tried to interrupt, but Tyson smashed his red hot boxing gloves together. “Hippo ith’ the mosth dangerousth in Africa. I’m the mothst dangerouth man in the world, and I’m going to eat this hippo’sth children.”<br>
<br>
<br>
“Tyson, you do realize that there’s more than one hippo ri-“<br>
<br>
<br>
“<i>THILENCTHE!</i>” Tyson screeched, charging the guide and violently bashing him off of the truck with a well timed uppercut. The old guide plummeted to the ground below the truck, bashing his feeble weak old man head against the ground and loosing his consciousness upon impact. Now the greatest of all time Mike Tyson was in control of the caravan...<br>
<br>
<br>
“We move on!”<br>
<br>
<br>
<table class="bbcode-block bbcode-block-important"><tbody><tr><td class="bbcode-block-icon"></td><td class="bbcode-block-content"><br>
<br>
<br>
Everyone is allowed to participate and vote!<br>
<br>
<br>
Iron Mike Tyson, the most <i>dangerous</i> man in the world, has taken control of the safari caravan. There is only one goal: Find the mighty Congo River and fight the mighty hippopotamus, the most <i>dangerous</i> animal in Africa! There is no map, no compass, and no GPS. The Safari is currently 5 people strong including our hero Mike Tyson! The day has reached its midpoint, and the savannah is vast. What is our next course of action?<br>
<br>
<br>
<b>&gt;Gun it! Crank up whatever kick-ass music this truck has, push the gas pedal as far in as it will go and zoom across the Savannah! Real men make their own path!</b><br>
<br>
<br>
<b>&gt;Ask the crew members which direction to go, like a weakling.</b><br>
<br>
<br>
<b>&gt;Find the nearest, most badass road and follow it! We can go super fast on roads and won't have to ask for directions!</b><br>
<br>
<br>
<b>&gt;Tyson throws one of his macho pet pigeons into the air and follows it! It obviously knows where the Congo lies!</b><br>
<br>
<br>
<b>&gt;Climb a giant, Lion King like rock and look for the Congo! Some epic Disney music will play while looking at the view!</b><br>
<br>
<br>
<b>&gt;Write in! (These will be here, though some situations may not have them)</b><br>
<br>
<br>
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				Last edited: <time class="u-dt" dir="auto" datetime="2018-10-31T15:48:55-0400" data-time="1541015335" data-date-string="Oct 31, 2018" data-time-string="3:48 PM" title="Oct 31, 2018 at 3:48 PM" itemprop="dateModified">Oct 31, 2018</time>
			
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					<div class="bbWrapper">&gt;Gun it! Crank up whatever kick-ass music this truck has, push the gas pedal as far in as it will go and zoom across the Savannah! Real men make their own path!<br>
<br>
<br>
This is clearly a time for kick-ass music.  Onward!  It's a big river, we're bound to see it if we go far enough.</div>
				
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					<div class="bbWrapper">&gt;Gun it! Crank up whatever kick-ass music this truck has, push the gas pedal as far in as it will go and zoom across the Savannah! Real men make their own path!<br>
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			&gt;Gun it! Crank up whatever kick-ass music this truck has, push the gas pedal as far in as it will go and zoom across the Savannah! Real men make their own path!
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Put the pedal to the metal and <i>do it to it!</i>  <b><i>GUN IT!!   </i></b><br>
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<b><i>That hippopotamus is gonna pay!  (For what, I have no idea) but he's gonna PAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!  8D</i></b></div>
				
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					<div class="bbWrapper"><b>&gt;Gun it! Crank up whatever kick-ass music this truck has, push the gas pedal as far in as it will go and zoom across the Savannah! Real men make their own path!</b></div>
				
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					<div class="bbWrapper"><b>No roads, no problem! </b>Real men make their own path! That's why Tyson didn't hesitate to floor it and zoom across the Savannah to the tune of <i>Africa</i> by Toto. The jeep rocked back and fourth, side to side, and up and down as it barreled across the hot Savannah, like a bat out of hell! Metal bashed, and there were sounds of metal warping as Tyson continued to hit almost every bump, rock, and small critter in his path.<br>
<br>
After enduring a 20 minute pounding, where they could actually feel their brains bashing against the inside of their skull, they spoke up.<br>
<br>
"Slow down!" They all shouted in protest as their heads bashed against the sides of their seat.<br>
<br>
"WHAT?!" Tyson responded, unable to hear them over the roar of the engine. He turned his head behind him to try and figure out what these weaklings were bickering about.<br>
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"Slow down!" They all shouted in unison.<br>
<br>
Mike Tyson shook his head in disgust, and the former champion turned his head back to the steering wheel. Immediately he let out a gasp.<br>
<br>
"HOLY THIT!!!!!"<br>
<br>
Directly in front of them sat a large boulder, much too large and steep to ramp off of and not afraid of big cars like the previous ones. Tyson tried to utilize his cat-like reflexes and god-like strength to try and turn away, but he couldn't get a firm enough grip with his boxing gloves on to turn the wheel. Not wanting to stick around and find out what would happen next, Tyson ignored the screams of his passengers and leaped out of the car. Just in time too, as the jeep slammed into the rock, destroying the front end and hurling the jeep over on its back.<br>
<br>
<a href="https://www.rpnation.com/attachments/screen-shot-2018-11-01-at-6-04-42-pm-png.499076/" target="_blank"><img src="https://www.rpnation.com/data/attachments/436/436038-355fc2b95a890417fbbcb5ecf9ba7b98.jpg" class="bbImage " style="" alt="Screen Shot 2018-11-01 at 6.04.42 PM.png" title="Screen Shot 2018-11-01 at 6.04.42 PM.png" width="100" height="66" loading="lazy"></a><br>
<br>
Now the Safari car is in a wreck, and the song Africa by Toto has stopped playing. His four feeble passengers now have hurt feelings and won't stop complaining about their backs, arms, and legs hurting.<br>
<br>
"Thorry...."<br>
<br>
<table class="bbcode-block bbcode-block-important"><tbody><tr><td class="bbcode-block-icon"></td><td class="bbcode-block-content"><br>
<br>
The former champion of the world is now closer to his goal, but his means of transportation is now gone. Our hero is still very far away from any known river, and the Savannah is a dangerous place. Tyson has walked away from the motor accident with just a few cuts and bruises, but the rest of the caravan is in rough shape and may not be able to walk the entire trip. Hippopotamus is still out there and could be terrorizing people at this very moment, so time cannot be wasted! What should our next course of action be?<br>
<br>
<b>&gt;Suck it up and walk. Who cares if not everyone makes it?</b><br>
<br>
<b>&gt;Call Jake from State Farm, he always knows what to do!</b><br>
<br>
<b>&gt;Construct a sled from the wreckage, and have the passengers pull it like those snow dogs in that one movie in the place that's really big and cold!</b><br>
<br>
<b>&gt;Punch the nearest passenger. That'll help their feelings real quick!</b><br>
<br>
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					<div class="bbWrapper">As much as I am tempted to just unleash our frustrations on the nearest passenger, the only logical course of action would be to<br>
<b>&gt;Call Jake from State Farm</b><br>
<br>
(Good to see quest logs getting more traffic, hopefully this will encourage more people to participate)</div>
				
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					<div class="bbWrapper">&gt;Call Jake from State Farm, he always knows what to do!</div>
				
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					<div class="bbWrapper">Being the rational, intelligent man that he was, Mike Tyson decided that the best course of action is to call Jake from State Farm. However, Mike quickly came to the realization that he had no cell phone.<br>
<br>
"How am I thuppothed' to call thstate farm is I don't have a phone!"<br>
<br>
"Do the jingle!" One of the caravan members shouts. "Yeah, yeah! Do the jingle!"<br>
<br>
Tyson sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "<i>Like a good neighbor....thstate farm ith there!"</i><br>
<br>
"Oh hey, what's up bro?" Jake from State Farm asked as he teleported in from out of the blue.<br>
<br>
<a href="https://www.rpnation.com/attachments/screen-shot-2018-11-02-at-9-50-41-am-png.499171/" target="_blank"><img src="https://www.rpnation.com/data/attachments/436/436133-f484676f23665fb659ba031e1bef41f2.jpg" class="bbImage " style="" alt="Screen Shot 2018-11-02 at 9.50.41 AM.png" title="Screen Shot 2018-11-02 at 9.50.41 AM.png" width="100" height="100" loading="lazy"></a><br>
<br>
"Woah!" Jake muttered as he looked around at his surroundings. "I've never been to Africa before...."<br>
<br>
"Jake!" Tyson cheered joyfully, running up to jake and putting his hands on his shoulders. "I need your help! My vehicleth crathed!"<br>
<br>
"Is that so...?" Jake peered over his shoulder. "Yeah.....uh......I'm pretty sure that's not your car. You drive a priu-"<br>
<br>
"STHHHHHH. Don't let everyone know!"<br>
<br>
"Okay.....uh...pretty sure you stole that. Might have to call the cops....WAIT, GOOD GOD WHAT IS THAT THING! THE ROCK IS MOVING!"<br>
<br>
Jake from State Farm shrieked like a banshee, and backed up his swivel chair. Tyson raised his eyebrow curiously, wondering what kind of stuff this man was on and if he may perhaps acquire some in the near future.<br>
<br>
Jake from State Farm pointed at the rock. "KILL THAT THING, IT'S UGLY. DO THAT AND I'LL GIVE YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT!"<br>
<br>
Tyson shrugged again. "OK!"<br>
<br>
He then turned, raised his hands and mortal combat with this rock.<br>
<br>
<div style="text-align: center"><a href="https://www.rpnation.com/attachments/screen-shot-2018-11-02-at-9-31-27-am-png.499174/" target="_blank"><img src="https://www.rpnation.com/data/attachments/436/436136-4e188343764c5264acf3cd70a45a2678.jpg" class="bbImage " style="" alt="Screen Shot 2018-11-02 at 9.31.27 AM.png" title="Screen Shot 2018-11-02 at 9.31.27 AM.png" width="86" height="100" loading="lazy"></a><br>​</div><table class="bbcode-block bbcode-block-important"><tbody><tr><td class="bbcode-block-icon"></td><td class="bbcode-block-content"><br>
<br>
Our hero has found himself in a battle to the death with a moving, talking rock that refers to itself as Geodude! This thing is ugly and destroyed the jeep, and Jake from State Farm has demanded its blood sacrifice in return for good insurance benefits. Therefore it must be destroyed! What will out next course of action be?<br>
<br>
<b>&gt;FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT! DESOLATE THIS VOLATILE CREATURE FROM THE SANDS OF THIS EARTH!</b><br>
<br>
<b>&gt;USE AN ITEM!</b><br>
<br>
<b>&gt;SELECT ANOTHER POKEMON (Note: All other members of the caravan are weakened at this point)</b><br>
<br>
<b>&gt;RUN</b><br>
<br>
<br>
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					<div class="bbWrapper"><b>&gt;FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT! DESOLATE THIS VOLATILE CREATURE FROM THE SANDS OF THIS EARTH!</b></div>
				
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					<div class="bbWrapper"><b>&gt;FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT! DESOLATE THIS VOLATILE CREATURE FROM THE SANDS OF THIS EARTH!</b></div>
				
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					<div class="bbWrapper"><b>&gt;SELECT ANOTHER POKEMON</b><br>
Of course! Someone else can die for this cause! Mike Tyson clearly doesn't care about the lives of others, since he crashed into a fucking rock and badly wounded the passengers, so why not murder them all like a psychopath?<br>
<br>
Also, did he kill the guide? I feel like uppercutting him with the force of Superman and then hitting his head on a rock killed him, which means that Mike Tyson committed first-degree murder. Is anyone gonna bring this up? Hello?</div>
				
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<b>&gt;SELECT ANOTHER POKEMON</b></div>
				
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					<div class="bbWrapper">Time to send this thing back to the depths of hell from which it came! Tyson charges in at the ugly, talking rock and rockets off a fierce combination of punches! A quick jab, followed by a straight left, but wait it was a fake and he comes back with a deviously timed right uppercut! <br>
<br>
"IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!" Jake from State Farm yells in the background.<br>
<br>
The rock crumbles before the might of Tyson, breaking into pieces like the weak piece of dirt that it was. Back in the 80's Tyson used to eat stones bigger than him!<br>
<br>
<a href="https://www.rpnation.com/attachments/screen-shot-2018-11-13-at-4-50-54-pm-png.503398/" target="_blank"><img src="https://www.rpnation.com/data/attachments/440/440360-f925999bc7a00f05381e0b16557587c0.jpg" class="bbImage " style="" alt="Screen Shot 2018-11-13 at 4.50.54 PM.png" title="Screen Shot 2018-11-13 at 4.50.54 PM.png" width="100" height="95" loading="lazy"></a><br>
<br>
Now that his foe had been slain, Tyson turned to Jake from State Farm. "Dealth' a deal, pimp my ride!"<br>
<br>
"You've done your part of the deal. Let me make a call!"<br>
<br>
With the click of a classic flip phone (Classic Jake from State Farm!) Jake from State Farm dialed in the number, and made a phone call. "Yes. Mhm. Give me that one!"<br>
<br>
In the flash of in instant, just in the blink of an eye, a jeep unlike any other appeared. It was big...it was shiny....it was fast....and it looked tough!<br>
<br>
<a href="https://www.rpnation.com/attachments/screen-shot-2018-11-13-at-4-57-55-pm-png.503400/" target="_blank"><img src="https://www.rpnation.com/data/attachments/440/440362-223ca6b242e940d70d232ceffdd5d3c1.jpg" class="bbImage " style="" alt="Screen Shot 2018-11-13 at 4.57.55 PM.png" title="Screen Shot 2018-11-13 at 4.57.55 PM.png" width="100" height="96" loading="lazy"></a><br>
<br>
Tyson sat in awe of the piece of fine machinery. His eyes widened, and his mouth dropped. Saliva began to pool at the base of his lip, and slowly leaked down his chin to the ground below. He hadn't seen a car like this since he declared bankruptcy!<br>
<br>
"I want the keyth"!<br>
<br>
Jake from State Farm gave Mike Tyson a puzzled look. "Who's Keith?"<br>
<br>
"No, no, NO!" Tyson shook his head violently. "Key! Give me the Keyth!"<br>
<br>
"Oh...yeah...right....uhhhh...." Jake from State Farm began to dig his hands down the pocket of his khakis. "Come on...." His face bent in frustration. "Where are they...."<br>
<br>
The sun blazed above their heads, its hot beams weighing down on the two men. Oh, and it also made the other people in the caravan hot, but who cares about them? Finally, after a hot minute Jake from State Farm's face lit up, and he smiled. "Here they are!"<br>
<br>
Jake from State Farm held the car keys up high.<br>
<br>
"Hey, quick question. Why are you guys out here anyway?"<br>
<br>
"Oh, that'th eathy!" Tyson exclaimed. "I'm here to destroy hippopotomath!" <br>
<br>
The happy expression on Jake from State Farm's face vanished. All that remained was a blank, cold stare, devoid of any emotion.<br>
<br>
"I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Tyson."<br>
<br>
"What, why?"<br>
<br>
"Think of all the insurance money State Farm gets from Hippo attacks every year....and how much money we would lose if you beat hippopotamus." <br>
<br>
"Whaaa?"<br>
<br>
"PUT EM UP, BOI!" Jake from State Farm then begins chanting some sort of retro 8-bit fight theme song, and swivels his chair to Mike Tyson! This man wants to fight!<br>
<br>
<a href="https://www.rpnation.com/attachments/screen-shot-2018-11-13-at-5-30-00-pm-png.503406/" target="_blank"><img src="https://www.rpnation.com/data/attachments/440/440368-166e60bf3845325317c46601b2b1006f.jpg" class="bbImage " style="" alt="Screen Shot 2018-11-13 at 5.30.00 PM.png" title="Screen Shot 2018-11-13 at 5.30.00 PM.png" width="87" height="100" loading="lazy"></a><br>
<br>
<table class="bbcode-block bbcode-block-important"><tbody><tr><td class="bbcode-block-icon"></td><td class="bbcode-block-content"><br>
<br>
Oh no, Jake from State Farm has betrayed us! Turns out he's actually on the villain known as hippopotamus's side! Now he wants to fight! Like all others who stand in Mike Tyson's way, now he must <b>get some</b>! Unlike the last fight, Tyson does not want to run, use items, or select another pokemon. Instead he wants to destroy Jake from State Farm and the tyrannical regime known as State Farm Home and Auto Insurance. He also needs those keys to that sweet jeep, so that's probably a more logical reason to beat up this 33 year old damsel. Currently Jake from State Farm is barrelling his swivel chair toward the former heavyweight champion of the world, while humming the Pokemon Gym Battle Theme loudly. What's our pound for pound hero's move of choice?<br>
<br>
<b>&gt;Punch</b><br>
<br>
<b>&gt;Bite</b><br>
<br>
<b>&gt;Counter </b><br>
<br>
<b>&gt;Intimidate</b><br>
<br>
</td></tr></tbody></table></div>
				
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