Ned stared forlornly as the empty bottle of rum lay flaccid on his new bed. If he had his wish the poor glass container would never be empty but constantly full of life and rum. Was there anything sadder then a rum bottle with no rum? Ned thought not. Something the demoness was saying brought Ned out of his musings about rum and sad bottles that were empty of rum.<br/><br/>"-kills, take him surprise, and we may have a shot." Rina said this leaning back in her chair apparently done speaking. Ned hadn't been paying much attention to Rina the rum bottle seemed much more pressing than a rotting captain.<br/><br/>"Hmm interesting idea, demoness. Now get me many harpoon guns with ropes, long ropes. We shall drag this rotting whale from the sky if we have to and once we do we will never run out of lamp oil again!" A knock at the door interrupted Ned's thoughts about rotting whales. The chair creaked as Ned got up, what an ungrateful chair it groans when you sit on it and complains when you get off it. Ned decided to replace that chair with a more willing chair one that went to its job with more joy and less belly aching.<br/><br/>"I would like to point out rotter is not a whale , but a carnivore bird ship, that is if you wanna play that game." A wicked smile crossed Rina's face at the image of a spear going through Rotter's ship. Friendly competition always ended with friendly fire.<br/><br/>"Well either way I need harpoon guns and long rope and not just for tying you up demoness." Ned opened the door and looked down once again his eyes fell upon the man he had sent out for rum. This time the man proffered two bottles of rum bowing his head as if asking for mercy before a deity. Ned smiled at that good he should be the only deity on the ship, though his smile faded as he only saw two bottles of rum. Ned took them from the man and shook them in his hands listening as the magical liquid swished inside the confines of the bottle.<br/><br/>"Is this all the rum you brought me?" Ned scowled as the man smiled and shook his head.<br/><br/>"No cap'n I brought you a cask and a barrel of rum as well." The man stepped back and motioned down the hall to his side where three men stood one holding a cask and the other two manhandling a barrel that made a promising sloshing sound. Ned laughed and patted the man on the back though it wasn't so much a pat on the back as beating him with the bottle of rum he still held tightly in his hand, but Ned paid no mind to that.<br/><br/>"Good man, that is more like it. As a reward for your good work go drink to your hearts content then tomorrow we shall sail and plunder more rum so that we might drink it. As for you three hurry up and bring that rum in I am mighty thirsty." Ned step aside as the three men worked to deposit their loads in his room, the barrel scraped against the wood floor the rum sloshing pleasantly inside the sealed wood as the two men dragged it into his chamber. With that that taken care of Ned set his teeth to the cork stuffed in one of the bottles of rum. How dare this tiny inanimate object come between him and his rum, with a vicious tug Ned pulled the cork out of the bottle and disdainfully spat it onto the floor of the hall where it slowly rolled back and forth across the floor in time with the violent rocking of the storm assailed ship. Ned tipped his head back and started drinking from the now open bottle.<br/><br/>While he drank Ned wondered at how he had forgotten there was a storm raging outside. A storm sure seemed like an event one would continue to notice until it ended, especially when one was adrift in the middle of one and subject to the whims of the elements. Ned seemed to have not noticed the violent rocking of the ship as well and now that he thought about it the crack of thunder exploded in the sky high above the ship, not something one ignored easily. Whether it was because of the sudden realization of the violent rocking of the boat or the fact he had just polished off the bottle of rum Ned suddenly flew into the wall next to his cabins door, the empty rum bottle still hanging from his mouth. The nameless rum bearers dispersed as Ned re-entered his cabin closing the door behind him. Turning to Rina Ned held out the other bottle of rum still unopened in his hand.<br/><br/>"mhhmh hmhmh hmhm." Ned Paused to pull the empty bottle out of his mouth and toss it on his bed with the other one, after all depressing things should be kept together in one spot. "Sorry about that. Now here Rina you and boatswain share this bottle I'm gonna take that rum cask and stroll around my ship, nothing better then walking around a ship in the middle of a violent storm while drinking. Maybe I will go visit Francine she always hates thunder... Anyway get me spear guns and rope and we will catch us a floating rotting whale and dispose of its rotting captain." With that Ned scooped up the cask and tipsily stumbled out of his cabin not quite sure if the rocking under his feet was the storm or the rum. If either Rina or the boatswain had said anything Ned didn't hear it as he was focused on obtaining the delicious amber liquid from his newly acquired cask.<br/><br/>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br/><br/>It was such a wonderful dream Ned was sailing his ship on an ocean of rum.The sound of men shouting pierced through Ned's dream waking him up. When Ned opened his eyes he was no longer sailing on the sea of amber alcohol but was laying passed out on Francine's back as she floated in the normal, salty water. Letting out a sigh Ned opened his eyes instantly regretting it as the already bright sun was amplified ten fold by his hangover. Closing his eyes again Ned laid there listening to the calm ocean waves lapping against Francine and the contrasting noise of an active pirate crew.<br/><br/>After a few suspiciously long moments Ned's headache faded away. This time Ned rolled over onto his stomach before he opened his eyes the illuminated white-blue of Francine's back was much kinder to him then the piercing white of the sun. After his eyes adjusted Ned stood up and looked around the storm seemed to have passed them by earlier that morning, though Ned could still see the menacing clouds off in the distance probably a two hour sail away at most. Ned looked down at the female spermwhals back and stamped his foot down a few times.<br/><br/>"At least you are more pleasant to look at then the sun when I am hungover, stupid fish." Ned spoke quietly enough so his head would not explode in pain. Francine shook slightly then started sinking under the ocean shaking her horn in a way that reminded one of a pissed off women getting revenge on an ungrateful boyfriend. Soon Ned found the water over his feet and steadily rising farther. Ned quickly ran up Francine's horn, just as he got to the tip and started jumping to the ship Francine dipped her horn down turning Ned's elegant jump onto the ships deck into a flailing crash against the side of the ship. Suddenly Ned found himself treading in the water and cursing the bloated fish. When Ned looked up at the ships railing he saw one of the pirates looking down at him with a slight grin.<br/><br/>"Hey, shit grin why don't you throw me a rope before I climb up there and turn<span style="font-style: italic">you</span>into a rope." Ned was pissed off that the man still had the grin on his face as he disappeared from view. A few seconds later a rope dropped down beside him swinging just over the water. Grabbing the dangling rope Ned pulled himself out of the water and quickly climbed onto the ships railing. Crouching on the rail of the ship dripping water Ned scowled at the impetuousness of the grinning pirate that dare stand right in front of him and grin.<br/><br/>"Having a lovers quarrel, Cap'n?" The pirate said sounding sincere though his grin screamed sarcasm. Ned narrowed his eyes at the villainous grinning pirate and stepped off the railing stretching his arms over his head.<br/><br/>"A lovers quarrel would imply that I love that bloated fish. Say what job have I given you?" Ned felt his back pop as he flexed his muscles, the stretching and made him feel much better. The pirate still grinning at Ned gestured to the deck.<br/><br/>"I mostly swab the deck though occasionally I help with the rigging." Ned almost forgot to listen to the bastard his attention was almost completely focused on that loathsome grin.<br/><br/>"Well as a reward for throwing me a rope I shall promote you to the crows nest after all you were able to see me in the ocean you should be good enough to spot a ship, they are much bigger then I am. Yes, you will make a very fine crow, even though you don't have any of the characteristics of the bird I'm sure you will develop them in time." Ned congratulated himself silently for killing two birds with one stone. Not only would the pirate make a decent crow it would also keep him and that mocking grin out of sight for the most part. The pirates face seemed exactly the same to Ned though the grin seemed happier than it was earlier.<br/><br/>"Thank you cap'n this is a great honor I will do my best." With that the nameless pirate scurried up the mast and seated himself on the edge of the crows nest, he and his grin looking out over the ocean for anything interesting. With that business done Ned started heading towards his cabin and that barrel of rum. Ned had barely walked three steps before he felt something hit him in the head. Quickly looking around for what had hit him Ned just saw pirates staring past him towards the sky.<br/><br/>"Cap'n there's a flying ship in the sky and a bird on your head... and I think the bird came from the ship." The new crow yelled out from the crows nest. Ned scowled as he lifted the bird off his head and set it on the railing. That grinning bastard, surely he was full of himself for spotting a flying ship and a bird at the same time, Ned didn't like him but surely a crow that could spot two things at once was worth keeping around. Turning his attention and fury away from the bird in the nest to the bird on the railing.<br/><br/>"You stupid bird who do you think you are landing on the head of captain Ned the Dread." As if on cue the bird opened its mouth releasing the sounds of heavy coughing and throat clearing going on for extended periods of time. When  Rotter tries to speak it's a croaking voice and he immediately proceeds to cough some more, starting to swear, taking on his anger-induced accent.<br/><br/>"Goddammit, I blame all o' ye bastards for this. Ahrm, yes. This is Captain Rotter of the Flying Rotsman, or as you know it, The  Wood Dread Scourge of Lissabon, sailed by me, Captain Rotter. Captain Tom Leumas and whatever parts of his Mysterious Armada happens to be coincidentally overhearing this message. Actually, since it is going to involve threats and bargaining I suggest sending your crew away, so you can surrender to my demands without losing face to your crew. Right, ready? Now hand over everything in your cabin, and I do mean everything. And if you have a spare Portugeuse pirate with you send him up to me. I need him or her for a reason. Oh, right, and if Rina is there, point and laugh at her as you comply with my demands."<br/><br/>"You dare come on my ship and demand my surrender!? Who do you think you are... me?" In revenge for the insolent bird landing on his head Ned lifted his fingers and thumped it on the head. The bird opened its beak again but this time said nothing though Ned hadn't noticed at all.<br/><br/>"This is Captain Ned the Dread, Captain of the Whopping Molly. The upstart mutineer 'Captain' Tom Leumas has failed in his mutiny. The pretend captain formerly known as 'Captain' Tom Leumas has sadly found his way off my ship and here I thought he would have made a nice figurehead for my ship. Say who the hell are you anyway?"<br/><br/>"He's Cap'n Rotter, Cap'n." At some point during his conversation with the bird captain the boatswain had managed to appear at his side.<br/><br/>"Never heard of him!"<br/><br/>"He's the Cap'n of the flying ship there."<br/><br/>"Never heard of it! Listen here, you rotting captain, it took me only five minutes to take over one actually legendary ex-captain's ship how long do you think it'll take me to take over yours? I, Captain Ned the Dread the only pirate so famous that no one has heard of me, took this ship with no resources. You had a whale, Cap'n. Just think how long it'll take me to take over your non-legendary boat with the added resources of my new ship and my seemingly loyal crew. My day of captaining has left a loyalty in their hearts that will give them the strength of ten men each and the courage of a bottle of rum! Now where is my rum!?" For good measure Ned thumped it on the head again no need to let it think it was safe just because his ship was so close. Closing its beak the bird turned around and flew back towards the the flying ship. Ned laughed and turned towards his crew.<br/><br/>"Legendary captain my ass. What kind of pirate crew follows a bird, a bird can't be a proper captain I mean I doubt a bird could drink very much rum at all." Ned scowled when a familiar voice rang out again.<br/><br/>"Cap'n the bird is coming back." Ned scowled as he turned towards the bird and watched as it flew in and landed on the rail again opening its beak.<br/><br/>"What a damn moron, he can't even operate the starling" The Andalusian starling said to Ned in Rotter's voice. "Alright, men. Let's show him how it's done." The bird closed its beak and stared blankly at Ned, its message apparently over. Ned scowled at the bird, so it wasn't the pirate captain Rotter it was just an odd messenger. Well that made sense after all after all everyone knows birds can't hold their rum. Ned tapped the bird on the head assuming that was what allowed him to record he message in the first place and opened his mouth to speak.<br/><br/>"You're a goddamn moron, Rotter, you forgot to send a message." The boatswain spoke up beating Ned to the punch. Growling a bit Ned turned to the boatswain.<br/><br/>"I wanted to say that!"<br/><br/>"As boatswain I am probably in charge of diplomatic negotiations." The boatswain retorted in a matter of fact way.<br/><br/>"But I'm the captain!"<br/><br/>"You're both morons." Rina chimed in seeming to have just melted through the crowd of pirates that were forming around Ned and the bird.<br/><br/>"Damn that Ned, he has a boatswain, who is also their communications officer. He sounds multi-talented, even if he got demoted to boatswain somewhere in the fight. I had better play this carefully. Maybe this Ned the Dread is not the threat. Let me think..." The starling relayed a few minutes of pause, and mimicked the sounds of feet dragging about the wooden deck and Rotter occasionally mumbling to himself, making up and rehearsing a speech. Then finally, for the first time, Rotter's voice was repeated clearly by the starling, as he finally spoke to it intentionally.<br/>"Captain Ned the Dread, I tire of you. I am 269 years old, and I hear these upstart captain speeches so wearily often. I have tried to make them stop being overly confident by crushing them, but it never seems to prevent new ones from cropping up. I suppose the power vacuum I leave on the seas whenever I destroy another pirate ship makes it lucrative for others to move in. Regardless, it is time to try a new tactic, and not engage in an orgy of murder, cannonballs and all the other stuff that usually follow in the Rotsman's wake."<br/>"Boatswain! I speak to you and the rest of the crew now. Since you just disposed of Tom Leumas I assume you don't really like him. And since it just happened two hours ago, I assume you have no real bonds to the new captain either. I, Captain Rotter of the Flying Rotsman, 269 years without suffering a mutiny, simply desire the former Captain Tom Leumas. He's an old friend, you see, and my friendly rival. Appoint a new captain, who is less prone to challenging my ability to murder you all, and do with ex-captain Ned as you please. I just want him put in his place, a little. Then let me take Tom Leumas from you, so you don't have to worry about him causing you any more trouble and spreading sedition, and give me his diaries and other books and such so I get all his juicy personal secrets to taunt him with. Do that and I will pay you the weight of it all in gold. I am a very successful pirate and I have a lot of treasure up here, which, if you try to fight me, you will not get, because either I murder you, or my ship falls down, smashes and the treasure aboard sinks to the bottom of the sea. So, yes, where was I? Right, hand over Tom Leumas, his stuff, slap Rina and say "I'm winning" for me, and replace Ned the Dead as captain and you may do so in whichever order you find fitting. Then you'll get rich and we are all happy. Do we have a deal? You have half an hour to make all this mutiny stuff happen. Meanwhile my ship and I will be flying in circles over there." The Andalusian starling sat still for a moment and you could hear Rotter shout to his men "It's my gold, screw you." before someone tapped the bird on the beak to end its mimicry.<br/><br/>Ned growled at the bird and tapped on its head ready to deliver a scathing retort when a familiar voice once more rang out across the ship.<br/><br/>"Cap'n the crew is mutineering I am joining them on the condition that I get to remain in the crows nest... Unless you win then I have been on your side the entire time." Ned growled and flipped off the crows nest while glancing around at the now mutinous crew. Ned pulled out his daggers as the crew started to edge forward muttering their dissent. The daggers hissed as Ned pulled them out of their sheathes the white hot metal boiling the salt water hanging in the air. Raising his daggers in the air Ned touched the tips of the blades together pointed towards the sky. As soon as the daggers touched each other an explosion with the sound and force of a fifty caliber bullet, whatever that was, rang out in the sky causing the whole crew to wince and pull back.<br/><br/>"Listen to me you mutinous crew you now have before you two choices. First choice, you can do what that rotting whale asks you and I kill all of you dump your bodies in the ocean and spread nasty rumors about you at every pirate port that I come across. Second choice, You continue following me as your captain and we take down this legendary pirate and we take all his gold and rum I will even let you have most of the gold, but the rum is mine. Third choice, if you have no faith in me abandon this ship, you will get no life boats, no supplies, and when I beat rotter you get none of the spoils." Ned wasn't sure whether it was faith in him or the fear of a present threat being greater then a possible threat from the future, or maybe they were just waiting til later to mutiny again. Ned preferred to believe they were just in such awe of him they decided to stand down, though probably not. The crew seemed willing to put aside their mutiny with the promise of not dying, although not very enthusiastically. That settled for the moment Ned turned back to the bird sheathing his daggers with a scowl on his face.<br/><br/>"Cap'n I always new you would win that's why I have always been on your side. Also there seems to be a non flying ship coming towards us." Ned cursed under his breath. That damn grinning crow was showing off again.<br/><br/>"Fine you can have an extra cup of rum as a reward now keep looking at stuff and telling me about that stuff. And now for you Rotter." As Ned spun around he accidentally smacked the bird on the head. Cursing Ned watched as the bird closed its mouth and flew off towards the flying ship.<br/><br/>"Damn and I was gonna offer his crew a chance to give me all their rum. Oh well, prepare for battle and someone get me a spear gun or failing that a metal pipe, a spear, and a lot of rope, and if you can't get that bring me some rum. Also bring me some rum. Also start heading for the storm we just got out of if we have to fight a flying ship we may as well fight it in a storm that takes away the advantage of being in the air." Ned yelled his orders at a random pirate walking past seemingly busy at something. Turning towards Rina and the boatswain Ned leaned against the rail.<br/><br/>"Now I think I can get up to the ship and maybe start a fire if it comes down to it, either of you have any ideas. Also Rina if you would be so kind as to let me know how you came to know this rotting captain that is trying to steal my hard earned ship and crew." Although there was a smile on his face Ned's gaze was hard as he looked at his demoness.