"A proxy, that's a bit cowardly. You should go as a show of good faith to your uncle. Dermot, the diplomatic thing is you want to be on his good side. Just make it clear in person, you wishes. Courage among men is always respected. He could surprise you and be relieved not to worry that you are not his rival and you desire  a quiet life. State you reasons that you told me. One you want to live where you want.  Two to have your own future and you wish not for the responsibility of a duke. Lastly you wish to marry someone who loves you for you and not your title."