There was no doubt about it; the reason why Erik had felt a connection to Samantha was that Samantha was really Kiara.  And he was really Clive, that really ugly name he didn't like that much.<br/><br/>"I'm so sorry, Kiara.  Don't think I ever stopped loving you.  The day I left, I didn't know what to do.  I had state workers telling me everything was going to be okay, I had adoption center workers telling me everything was okay, and they said I could come and visit whenever I wanted.<br/><br/>"Then when I got to my new home, my Mom and Dad didn't really take me to see you.  I ran away a couple of times trying to find you again in the adoption center.  I still drew little pictures of you; one time I wrote you a note and put it in the mailbox.  Of course, I didn't know anything about stamps back then, I just so wished you would write back.<br/><br/>"Then one day my parents finally did take me to see you; but you weren't there because someone had adopted you and it was a closed adoption.  Ever since then, I have tried to forget about it because it was too hurtful to think about me leaving you.  I know I promised you never to leave you; but I failed."<br/><br/>Erik knew, it was becoming real to him that he couldn't make up for the past hurts and pains, but he would have to start with the present.  "My Mom didn't want me to get hurt like she was; but she also wanted me all to herself because she was hurting.  I learned to accept it, but your Mom is your Mom, not your sister.  She really misses her own brother.  There's so much hurt everywhere, and there's nothing I can do to stop it" Erik began mumbling to himself.  When he was really young and he got really frustrated, he would start hitting himself.  He sort of grew out of it as he got older, however if it was intense emotional pain - he sometimes did hit himself anyway.  He took his fists and rolled them into tight balls and started hitting his already sore head.  He didn't want to cause anymore pain, but he didn't know how to make the world right.  He thought he would be happy with Kiara and himself united; instead, he beat himself up for all his past failures, literally.