<span style="color: #0040FF"><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 150%; line-height: 116%;">Samuel Richard Johnson</span></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;">Sergeant Johnson; Sammy</div></span><br/><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><a class="postlink" href="http://covermenmag.com/niklasnilsson/pixInt/h.jpg">[ img ]</a></div><br/><br/><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #0040FF">"You misunderstand completely. Your attitude does not inspire honesty. I don't want to lie to you, I don't want to bullshit you, I don't want to hide things from you. I told you about myself, I told you my past because that's what you asked and I was honest enough to do it. It isn't about being a soldier or making mistakes, it's about understanding that not every detail I tell you deserves to be picked at. If you inspire nothing but worry and fear in me about having to tell you the truth, about being honest--wondering how you will react each time--do you think that is healthy? Do you think it would be healthy for me to have anxiety in speaking to you openly? I should be able to come to you, and you come to be without fear. Something that happened eight years ago does not warrant your anger, your threats, your warnings. None of it. I don't care to bullshit, and I'm not bullshitting now. I want to tell you the truth in all things, but in return I expect that you will not bite at me every time I say something. I wasn't a good man then for a variety of reasons, but who I was isn't who I am now and if you think that I am going to fall back to those times---times when you didn't even know me, then perhaps it's you who should walk away. I'm asking for something simple--for you to let me tell you the truth without me having to constantly be afraid of your reaction. I should be comfortable enough to tell you the truth, even if what I tell you is not exactly positive. I don't expect you to be jumping for joy every time I tell you something. I don't expect you to be happy or telling me good job, but the last person that I need pointing fingers at me is the woman I want to be with," </span>Sam's words were firm and it was obvious that he believed every single thing that came out of his mouth. And why shouldn't he? He wanted nothing other than to be honest with her, but if she could not see how harmful her harsh reactions were--then what was the point? He couldn't live in fear about opening his mouth to her. He couldn't live in a constant state of worry about being open with her. It was insane to him. It was unreasonable to demand someone speak the truth then become angry about that truth. Oh sure, he didn't expect her to be happy with it--even knew that she would be a bit upset. However, she had said words that need not be said. Had given threats that were not warranted. <br/><br/>Being on a new planet was not going to change his will to stay away from drugs, though he understood where she was coming from. It was not going to make him go back to those dark parts of himself. They were gone and he planned to stay very far away from them, no matter what. Did she not see that if she reacted poorly every time he told her something, that he would be unwilling to ever speak what was on his mind? Tell her anything unless directly asked? <span style="color: #0040FF">"You either trust me not to go back to those days, or you don't. That's really all there is to it on that front. Don't ever assume that what I did in the past doesn't haunt me--because it does. My memories are constant reminders of what I have done right and wrong in my life, and those memories keep me in a straight line. You can be hard all you want, but eventually it will wear down on those around you. I like you, I really do. I think you're beautiful, smart, caring---but what you view as tough love is really just an icy blast."</span></div>