Miranda knew it was going to be a matter of time until this was going to take off.  She knew that Brettly would be mad and upset and she knew he had a right to be.  Once again she had recovered a memory and this was not a good memory.  She cannot believe even after listening to her he still was here, but he would not have to worry she would take care of herself she always had.<br/><br/>Brettly was right when he said she lived for the danger of the job and she could not explain it.  Maybe it was because it was the one thing in her life she had control over, the one thing she did without having permission.  Her parents always dictated everything she did:  schooling, friends, marrying Brettly, this one the one thing that her parents and Brettly could not stop.  By the time Brettly and her were getting along and her first pregnancy she was too addicted to the job to stop, and it was this last time after all her hard work trying to get pregnant she swore to herself that she was quitting and she was going to stay home and take care of the baby.<br/><br/>“Come on Bre, don’t back down now.  Let me have it all.”  Miranda snapped at him.  “Let me know how you feel.”  She continued as she sat on the bed playing with the comforter on the bed.  “You are right; I did live for job because I didn’t have anything else.  When this all started it was all I had, I couldn’t stand my parents and you could have cared less about me and you didn’t even want anything to do with me unless it was important.” Miranda continued to spat out.<br/><br/>“But you know what man who knows everything.  I didn’t want to go that night, I didn’t want to risk the baby, but when they told me it was the man we had been trying to lockdown for 5 years I didn’t have a choice.  He was a dangerous man and I was the only one who had made contact with him.  I was the only one he trusted, so yes it wasn’t that routine.  But they couldn’t keep my back, something went wrong.”  Miranda said slowly, “I don’t know what you want me to do, I can’t change what I did, I can’t bring my memories back all at once.  I only seem to get them when I get upset or pissed off.”<br/><br/>Miranda stood up carefully against the bed and moved slowly against the wall towards the bathroom.  “I am sorry, I am sorry once again I ruined your life.  I am sorry that once again I killed one of your children.  It was my fault I couldn’t carry any of them.  I just wanted you to have a kid of your own.”  Miranda started to have a few tears run down her face.  “That’s my problem, I just never got help, and I am sorry I brought this all on to you.”<br/><br/>She continued to watch him sitting in the chair waiting to see if he was going to try and stop her or help her.  She made it to bathroom and shut the door, but she didn’t lock it not wanting Brettly to think she was keeping him out.  She walked over to the wall and slid down and pulling her legs up to her chest.  It was a little uncomfortable, but she could deal with it, and just cried a little.<br/><br/>She had heard him talking on her way it was not like she wasn’t listening to him and she was trying to remember the name, but she couldn’t think about it.  Right now she was fine was she was sitting and whether or no she could remember her she would go out with her and make her move from there.