Mathias shook his head. "I don't want you to be mad at me for it. I just..." He shrugged. "I don't want to be forcing myself on you..." He glanced over at the lifeguard, and seeing that he wasn't looking over at them, turned his attention back to Victor. He pushed his hair back from his eyes and shrugged. "...Honestly, at first, I was messing with you. I thought, the first time, you'd hit me. But...you didn't. And...I did it again...and you still didn't get upset." He tunneled his fingers in his hair. "And that's so bizarre to me, I guess. I don't know. I'm used to putting forth minimal  effort and getting reactions. Not that I want a negative reaction out of you, I just...I wanted...a reaction. Something. I hate seeing you all...perfect and...put-together and..."<br/><br/>He looked up at Victor, before looking away, tracing his fingers across his scarred wrists. "I'm jealous."<br/><br/>"All I know how to do is be an arrogant idiotic prick with a knack for pissing off the wrong people. My father included. I just...I wish I could just...shove down everything, all my emotions, like you do. You hardly reveal what you're thinking about...except when you punched me. That time, I knew you were angry..."<br/><br/>He sighed softly. "I make no sense. I think I'm still drunk." He dunked his head under the water quickly and then resurfaced, gasping out and shaking his head slightly before opening his eyes and looking at the other.<br/><br/>"...Why would you get in trouble for...me kissing you? Who would know? Who would find out? It's my fault anyway, I initiated it, you shouldn't get in trouble for something you didn't do..."