Hikari could tell that he was hurting inside, just as she was. So why? Why was he doing this, to himself, and to her? Why was he torturing both of them? What was it that was so important that he had to do this to them? She didn't have an answer, nor could she bring herself to ask. She didn't think he'd tell her even if she did, so what was the point? What point was there to asking something when she knew that you wouldn't get an answer? There wasn't one. Not so far as she could see.<br/><br/>She hesitated for a moment when he seemingly hesitantly told her that he wasn't leaving. She squeezed just a little harder and fought back the tears that threatened, shaking her head just a little, but not yet managing to get the words out. She held him for a little while longer, fighting back the tears once again, finally letting her arms drop to her side, even though it took every ounce of self control she had to let him go. Her eyes met his as he turned to the side a bit and looked her way. She could see the flicker of guilt in his eyes, telling her that he wasn't as cold and emotionless as he was trying to seem. When he asked if it was about last night, she shook her head, indicating that it wasn't about last night. At least, not entirely.<br/><br/>"I don't... I don't believe you." She whispered sadly, somewhat hoarsely, as if she were forcing the words out past some obstacle. "I want to believe you. I want more than anything to believe that's true... But I can't." she spoke in a soft voice that was clearly torn and full of pain. "You don't have to lie to me." She added in the same pained tone, her eyes pleading with him. "I won't ask you to stay. Just... Don't run away from me right now. Please. Don't push me away." she once again forced out the words, barely holding back the tears.<br/><br/>"I can't stand it. Knowing that even though you're so close, you're so far away." she couldn't contain the emotions she felt, the things that were ripping her apart from the inside out, so she didn't bother to try to hide them. For once, she didn't want to. Not from him. "I don't know if you think you are protecting me, that this will make things easier, but you aren't, and it won't. Nothing will make it easier, and if it hurts more, I don't care. It's worth it." she tried her best to make him understand, her words almost pleading as she spoke. "So please... Don't leave me while you're still here." she whispered, a few tears finally sliding her her cheeks. For the first time in a long time, she couldn't keep herself from crying. She didn't care if she sounded like a fool. She had to try. For him, she couldn't be afraid. She didn't have the luxury of hiding things.<br/><br/>She looked away as the tears slid down her cheeks. She hated crying. She hated crying in front of people even more. Especially him. But she couldn't hide it from him, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't contain it any longer. She felt like she was breaking inside. Like her heart was shattering into a million little pieces, crushed beneath the weight of everything she felt. Yet somehow, despite it all, every one of those pieces still wanted him. Was this what love was? Was that what this feeling was? It hurt. She wanted to scream and cry, but most of all she just wanted to make him see that she cared for him. She wanted to make him understand. To make him see that he didn't need to push her away. That this only hurt her more.<br/><br/>She was quiet for a short time as she forced the tears back, before she finally spoke up, wiping the tears away with her sleeve. "I won't give up. You have to know that. It doesn't matter what you do. I'm not just going to give up on you and walk away. That's not who I am." she reminded him of this, her voice, although still soft and sad, held the same determination she had shown before. She forced her eyes away to try to hide the tears that threatened once again. "Just... Please... Stop punishing both of us." she whispered, her voice pained as she pleaded with him, finally looking back at him. "You don't have to be alone. Not now."<br/><br/>For some reason she felt weak. As though all of her strength had left her and her legs would give out at any moment, yet she forced herself to stay, to stand there and face him. To fight for him, even if he didn't want her to. He needed to know that he wasn't alone, that she would be there whether he wanted her to be or not. He needed to know that she wasn't going to give up and let him go. Not now. Not ever. If he still chose to push her away, that was his choice. She couldn't make that choice for him. But she would be damned if she let him believe that he was protecting either of them by doing so, or that she was just going to sit back and let him give up without a fight.<br/><br/>For him, for whatever reason, she felt like there wasn't anything she wouldn't do, or anywhere she wouldn't go. If it was into the depths of hell, she would follow him. And she would fight all of hell to see him smile, to protect him, to spare him some pain. That was how she truly felt. Why he felt so strongly for him, she wasn't sure. Or maybe she was. If she really thought about it... she knew. Somewhere in her heart, she knew. It should be obvious to her, really. Why else would she be willing to go to such extremes? Why else would she so desperately want him to stay with her for as long as possible, even if it did hurt more in the end? Why did she not run from the pain, but instead embrace it, if it meant she could have him for a little longer? Indeed. It was obvious, if she thought about it.