Aeris pouted playfully when he asked her to eat for him. “No fair. You know I can’t say no to that,” she said, continuing on with her pouting ruse for a little longer before she chuckled and leaned in closer to him. “You’re the only reason I’m here at all,” she whispered back to let him know that she had stayed to eat knowing that he’d say something like that. “I love you, too” she added with a smile before she began to eat her own food.<br/><br/>Since Jek took his time eating his own food, she didn’t bother to rush through hers, either, as much as she wanted to. She did finish it all in the end, though, and willingly allowed him to take her dishes when she had finished. “Absolutely,” she replied when he asked if she was ready, taking his offered hand and then his arm as he led her to the lift. She didn’t complain when he wrapped an arm around her shoulders once they were in the lift, instead she leaned into him a little, accepting the feelings he shared with her, using them to help her to relax.<br/><br/>When the lift stopped, she walked with him to their quarters and opened the door, going inside and immediately shedding the coat that felt too heavy on the ship, hanging it on the rack. She also slipped out of her boots, putting them neatly near the door, and then took her belt and hung it nearby. Once she was a little more comfortable, she turned to Jek and gave him a soft, loving kiss before she moved to sit down on the bed. She wanted to do so much more than that, but there was something else she had promised to do.<br/><br/>She tried to get comfortable, to find some position that made this easier, but there wasn’t one, so she ended up in the position that seemed natural for what she was going to share. She pulled her knees up and hugged them to her chest, resting her chin on her knees. She didn’t realize how closed off it might make her seem, like she was trying to hold these things inside instead of letting them out. Still, she allowed herself to be open to him in the Force, to allow him to see the memories as she spoke.<br/><br/>She didn’t speak immediately as she tried to decide where to begin. She ultimately decided to just start at the beginning. “You know that I wasn’t raised in the Jedi temple, that they didn’t find me until I was four years old,” she started, glancing up at him and hesitating only a moment before she continued. “My father had once been a Jedi youngling. He was expelled before he was taken as a padawan because he was too aggressive, violent, impulsive. He had no control, despite all of his training,” she explained. “For as long as I can remember, he was like that at home. He resented the Jedi, or maybe hated them. He never moved past that,” she paused again, pursing her lips.<br/><br/>“It seemed like he was always getting drunk, then coming home and taking out his anger on my mother and…” she paused, putting her face in her knees, hugging them a little tighter. “And on me,” she finished the thought, her voice soft, barely louder than a whisper, but the pain she felt was evident. She paused again for a moment and lifted her head back up a little, taking a slow breath. “My mother, she never did anything. She never ran, never took me away, never lifted a hand to stop him. She just watched with these empty eyes. I guess she was afraid, but try explaining that to a child who just wanted someone to love her, to care enough to not want her to suffer, someone to rely on,” she sighed and shook her head, trying not to allow herself to shed any tears, not yet.<br/><br/>“Anyways,” she sniffed a little, “One day when I was four, my father came home in a rage—I didn’t know why at the time—and he just started pounding at my mother. It was different than usual, like he was trying to kill her,” she explained, unable to hide the slight trembling of her hands. “I tried to stop him, but he threw me across the room and I… I just laid there. I thought he was going to kill her, but instead of finishing her, he came towards me. I was so scared, I…” she trailed off, mentally cursing herself for feeling so weak, unable to hold back a few tears that slid down her cheeks or stop her hands from shaking.<br/><br/>She wanted to throw herself into his arms, to let him hold her and wipe her fears away, but she couldn’t. Not yet. Not until he knew everything. What she had done. “When he came at me like that, with that look in his eyes, I just panicked. I reacted without even thinking,” she told him with an unsteady voice, moving her hands around her head, burying her face where he couldn’t see her eyes. “I killed him. I killed my own father,” she whispered, unable to hold back the tears anymore, or stop her body from shaking as she cried.<br/><br/>Her memories would show him what had happened, that the Force had burst out of her, throwing him against the wall. It hadn’t been a simple blast like a Force push, there was an energy in the blast, not like lightning, but something else. She didn’t know what it was, but she knew it was born of the Dark Side, of her fear. She may not have consciously wished for his death, but she couldn’t say with any certainty that there hadn’t been some part of her that had wished for it. Otherwise, why had she not just pushed him away instead of killing him?<br/><br/>“You see? I’ve been broken from the very beginning. Maybe this was always meant to be my fate. Maybe I was never meant to be good. I’ve been a killer all along,” she whispered into her knees. Part of her wanted to tell him that she had never been good enough for him, that she never would be, that he was better off without her. She wanted to tell him that she was no good for him, or even for herself, that he would only get hurt again if he stayed with her She couldn’t bring herself to do it, though, even if it was true. She didn’t want to lose him.<br/><br/>He was the person she’d needed all this time. He was the first person she’d ever truly believed she could rely on, that she could count on, that she could trust. He was the first person to accept her, to make her feel safe, to try to protect her, to care enough to want to prevent her suffering. He was the first person whose love she didn’t question. She loved him, more than anything. She needed him, to chase the darkness away, to help her find her way, to help her to be a better version of herself.<br/><br/>She moved without thinking, releasing her knees and turning towards him before she sprung into his arms. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest. “I’m sorry. Even if I’m not good enough, I don’t want to let go,” she said the words softly. “Maybe it’s selfish, but please…” she trailed off, unable to finish her plea. She just continued to cry softly into his chest, unable to say anything else. It was a burden she’d carried with her for so long, she couldn’t help the emotions that poured out of her now, including that deep seated fear that this darkness was in her blood, that one day she would be just like her father, or much worse, and worst of all, that she was no good for someone like him.<br/><br/>-----<br/><br/>“Hey!” Jax sounded genuinely offended by An-Lok’s quip. “I see how it is. So, I’m just your faithful Jedi follower, huh? Well, maybe I should find a new partner who sees me as an equal, then?” he quipped back, turning his head as if to snub her. He looked like some mix of a man with bruised pride and a petulant child. He was mostly joking, but he did nothing to give this away with any real degree of certainty.<br/><br/>She wasn’t entirely wrong, anyways. He was new and he had been following her around, although it was not entirely true, either, as he had also been working to train the Force Sensitives they had picked up, which she likely knew despite his attempts to be discrete. But, as a Jedi, pride wasn’t something that he really held in high regard, so it wasn’t like he had much pride to actually bruise, whether the statement was true or not. That said, he would be lying if he said that it didn’t sting to hear her tell them that he wasn’t much of anything. It had nothing to do with pride, though, only that the woman he loved, who meant everything to him, had essentially called him nothing, even if she had been joking or hadn’t meant it that way. Knowing that took the edge off, but it didn’t take away the sting.<br/><br/>He raised his bowl almost half-heartedly when An did and then began to eat, staring at the fire somewhat absent-mindedly. His mind was wandering with various thoughts when she spoke into his mind and mentioned that he might not fit in the tent either. He glanced at her and quirked a brow,<span style="font-style: italic">“If you can’t fit, there’s no way I fit,”</span>he pointed out the obvious. He took up a good amount more space than she did. It would make a lot more sense for him to be the one sleeping in the speeder instead of her, and he would prefer that she was the one in the warm tent instead of him, anyways. He would have pointed that out before but hadn’t since he thought she didn’t want to talk about it, and that she might still be mad at him.<br/><br/>She suggested that they both might fit in the back of the speeder, if he wanted to grab the blankets when they were distracted. He glanced towards the speeder and then back at her.<span style="font-style: italic">“You are really underestimating me tonight, aren’t you?”</span>he was mostly joking, referring both to her underestimation of his size, and her earlier comment. Of course, it was also true. They wouldn’t both fit back there, at least not traditionally. He would barely fit back there on his own in any position comfortable enough to allow him to get any sleep. The only way they both fit was if she slept on top of him—not that he was necessarily opposed to that.<br/><br/><span style="font-style: italic">“Alright,”</span>he finally said, standing as their recruits focused on trying to lift a boulder with the Force. He disappeared into the tent and collected his bedding, moving it to the back of the speeder. He then smirked and headed over to the recruits, who were all struggling to lift the boulder more than a few centimeters off the ground.<br/><br/>“Do you want your first lesson?” he asked, waiting for them all to nod in agreement. He closed his eyes, feeling the Force around them, then he extended his right arm, slowly turning his hand so that his palm faced upwards, his fingers all fanning out. As he did, the boulder they had all been struggling to lift, as well as many smaller boulders and rocks scattered around it all began to easily levitate. For good measure, he lifted the boulder above their heads and had all the other boulders and stones circle around the large boulder. As he went through the steps, he explained each one to the recruits.<br/><br/>It wasn’t anything that was really all that challenging once you got the hang of it, or at least he didn’t think so, but it was enough to impress new recruits. When they all seemed sufficiently impressed, he allowed the boulders and stones to gently float back to the ground. He then gave them each a chance to try going through the steps he had given them and gave them each a couple of pointers before leaving them to work on it on their own.<br/><br/>If he’d been training Jedi, he might have told them that they needed to focus on meditating and clearing their mind so that they could fully open themselves up to the Force. They weren’t Jedi, though, they were Sith, and An might not approve of that, so he held back, at least for now. He left them to their practice and returned to An’s side. They practiced for a little while longer, finding the exercise to be much more exhausting than he had made it seem, and then they all retired to the tent, seeming quite exhausted.<br/><br/>Jax stayed next to her until the fire had begun to die, then he stood and offered her a hand, “Ready for bed, Princess?” he asked with a small smirk. When she took his hand, he pulled her to him and kissed her. The kiss was hard, filled with passion and love, but also something else. He didn’t release her until they were both breathless. “I will make you take it back—your doubts, and your words,” he whispered into her ear, kissing it lightly before he scooped her up and carried her to the speeder. He closed the speeder cover as he laid her down, kissing her deeply, passionately, intent on making sure she had no room to doubt his love again.