<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Lily Evans Potter</span></span></div><br/><br/>Night. The house was really quiet, but there was something wrong. Something felt like the calm before the storm. Nothing had really happened so far. The house in Godric's Hollow was safe - protected by spells and by a Secret-Keeper the Potters would trust with their lives. And still, something inside Lily just didn't feel safe.<br/><br/>Chalking it up to paranoia, Lily tried to sleep. She had been feeling extremely tired lately - going to see a Healer wasn't really a choice right now -, but she just couldn't rest tonight. James was out on a mission, and she knew she would need to hear his soft breathing by her side in order to fall asleep. While she waited, Lily felt that she should have gone with James. He had been pretty inflexible about not wanting her with him for this mission. That was not a good sign, as Lily knew he was afraid something bad could happen, and wanted to keep her safe.<br/><br/>With a sigh, Lily decided to sleep for just a while. He would be home soon...<br/><br/>...but he wasn't. After wrestling insomnia for a few hours, Lily ended up sleeping through the rest of the night. When she woke up, it was bright morning already, and no James. Feeling her heart tighten, Lily took only a cup of tea, got dressed and left the house. She needed to find someone to talk to, someone who could give her the news. The news she already knew she would hear.<br/><br/>It took her some wandering about, but she knew she had to find Sirius or Remus. It was Remus who gave her the news she had been dreading. Her world was completely destroyed with the small and few words "I'm sorry, Lily".<br/><br/>The next few moments, or hours, were a blur, and Lily couldn't tell how she found herself standing on the door of that house she knew so well. She couldn't even tell how long it had been since those terrible words. All she knew was that she needed company. The company of her best friend. As she knocked on the door, Lily waited for it to open. As soon as the dark and so knoww figure came before her eyes, Lily would grip him tightly, her legd threatening to give out. "It's over, he's gone", was all she could pull out of her throat.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Severus Tobias Snape</span></span></div><br/><br/>Severus left the meeting with Dumbledore troubled and tormented. There was nothing he could do. He knew the dark lord would seek out Lily. He knew it. He knew it in his heart. He knew it because the man had said it. No he wasn't a man, he was a MONSTER. Dumbledore swore she was safe, but he didn't believe it. He didn't believe it at all. The Dark Lord was too cunning. Too bright. There was no way they were safe. Lily was in danger and this filled his mind with fear and pain. A pain so deep it caused him to feel ill. He still loved her. He knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt. No matter how much he tried to move on he couldn't. He couldn't move on. He couldn't forget her. How it had all come to this he couldn't even figure out. Lily. His Lily was in danger. Tears prickled his eyes as he walked down the cobbled stone road towards his home. The rain poured down over him plastering his long hair along the side of his head and making his robes stick to his skin. He could have used a spell to repel the water, but he couldn't. The rain felt like a relief after the emotions inside.<br/><br/>Severus had almost reached his front door, his thoughts swirling through the haze of emotions inside. How had he let it go this far. How could he? How could he allow this evil to flourish to the point where it could take the one person he loved. How could he have been so wrong. He'd been so blind. Blinded by hatred and vengeance and now he would lose everything. He felt the anger rise and it took all his self-control to shove it back down. That is when he felt the presence behind him. He spun wand ready. Eyes burning with intent. A scowl on his face. Fierce and determined he had curses lined up to fire at his opponent. Until he saw who it was.<br/><br/>"Severus," the slithery voice, sounding like a velvet hiss filled the silence and lowered his want. The Dark Lord spoke again, "Come you will be a part of this tonight. I will bring only two of you, my most faithful Death Eaters."<br/><br/>Severus didn't respond. He merely put his wand away and nodded moving forwards so that he could travel with the Dark Lord and the masked Death Eater. He summoned his own mask to cover his face and dried his robes by magic. It wouldn't do to seem out of sort around this man. The trip to their destination wasn't long. Severus knew instantly what the Dark Lord had planned as they came to a small cabin in the woods. He recognized it instantly and felt cold dread creep into his veins. Was Lily here with her husband? For the first time in his life Severus prayed that she wasn't.<br/><br/>"Secure the surroundings. Leave the family to me," The Dark Lord said. Severus was desperate to find a way to stop this. There was no way. There wasn't any way for him to stop this. He couldn't do anything at all. So he did what he was told as he tried to find a way to ensure that Lily survived. There were three man outside the cottage perimeter, he took care of one while the other Death Eater secured the others. He didn't recognize any of them. He made his way towards the house as a series of bright flashes caused the cabin to shudder and rock on its wooden foundation. His breathing ragged he ran towards it. Her name on his lips. As he came through the door expecting the worst he found a man lying at the Dark Lords feet, no one else present in the small one room space. Sweat beaded on his skin as relief coursed through it.<br/><br/>The Dark Lord turned and smiled cruelly at Severus, "she not here," he said and left. Severus felt his heart beat too quickly and slid down the wall until he sat on the floor. Relief almost too strong to swallow coursed through him. He had no idea how long he sat there feeling the weight of that fear and loss still heavy in his mind. He had to remind himself many times that she wasn't dead. The first rays of sunlight danced through the windows of the cabin by the time he realized he was sitting on the ground floor of a cabin next to a dead body. Shaking himself he rose and left the cabin. He headed home.<br/><br/>He had barely just changed into a fresh set of clothing and made tea when there was a desperate knock on his door. He walked over to it and opened it his hand on his wand. Even more relief coursed through him as he felt her strong light weight collide against his chest and he held her tightly to him. Lily. Tears prickled in his eyes at the sheer force of fear and relief mingling together. She was safe. She was here. Her words barely registered as he held her to himself.<br/><br/>"I know," He whispered softly. Hesitantly. His voice empty and cold. His words simple, yet with the weight of the world settling into them. He was simply glad to hold her. Glad that she was safe, here with him. He could protect her. She was safe. It was all that mattered.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Lily Evans Potter</span></span></div><br/><br/>"I know". Those words made Lily feel a chill down her spine. How did he know? Had he...? No, she couldn't believe that. Lily knew exactly what Severus was and who were the people he spent his time with. Regardless, he was still her best friend since they were kids, and that wasn't about to change. And for this reason alone, Lily refused to believe Severus would kill James in person. He had to know how much this would hurt her, and know better than doing that.<br/><br/>While she walked to Severus' door, Lily remembered random moments of her life with James. When they had first met. The long arguments and fights. When they finally decided to become a couple. More fights after that, but those were different. Marriage talk. Everyone telling them to wait for the end of the war. Wedding day. Honeymoon night was at home, with cake and coffee - sacrifices had to be made in war times. All the plans they had for after the war. A baby or two, a house with a cute garden once everything became peaceful again. Now they wouldn't have any of that.<br/><br/>When Severus opened the door, Lily hid her face on his cloak. All she wanted right now was to forget her pain and heartache. It felt as though her heart was being ripped out. Her green eyes were already bloodshot from crying, and more tears came as she looked at Snape's eyes.<br/><br/>"I-I... I don't know what to do right now", she murmured, sobbing softly between words. "I can't... take care of all the... I can't". It was clear she was lost, confused and devastated. "Can you just... can you get me something to make me sleep?", she requested softly. "That's all I want to do right now".<br/><br/>Those words alone made clear how devastated Lily was. She had always been one to take care of things, and to face life as it came. But now, she just wanted to sleep and forget everything about the world for a few hours. The world as she knew it would never be the same again, and there would be enough time to suffer and cry later.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Severus Tobias Snape</span></span></div><br/><br/>Severus held Lily to him. He could feel her pain and devastation as he held her. Feel the agony she was in. He may have hated James, but he'd not have killed him, if only because of how much it would hurt Lily. They were not safe even now. The Dark Lord knew where he lived. Knew where she would go. The sudden realization of that made his blood run cold and his heart stopped. He pulled her through the door slamming it shut with such force that the door rattled in it's hinges. He whipped his want out towards the door and cast a spell. It wouldn't do much more then deter the Dark Lord, but it would both warn them and give them enough time. Hopefully.<br/><br/>He cursed himself for an idiot as he grabbed her shoulders roughly. He didn't mean to be rough with her, but it was clear she was falling to pieces and their lives depended on her holding it together. Just a little longer. He didn't have time to be nice, or to lay out the facts in a way that would be easy for her to take.<br/><br/>"You know he's dead Lily, but you're not safe. The Dark Lord didn't finish you both last night. He got James. He'll come for you. He knows where I am! Where I live. He knows about you, about how much I care for you. The logical next place for you to go after finding James is here. He will come. We can't be here when he does," Severus said the words deliberately. Even though he knew they would hurt her. He could see her tears. He could see her pain. He wished he could help her. Make it all better for her. He couldn't. There was nothing he could do. Pain constricted his throat and made it hard for him to continue looking into the beautiful eyes of the only woman he had ever loved.<br/><br/>"Lily, I can't. Not right now, once were safe. Once you're safe. Then I will help you sleep, we don't have time right now. It's live or die. If you don't pull it together and help me. You will die. I can't let that happen," He said the last words so softly they were barely audible. Having her here, safe before him. It was all he had ever wanted. Having her in his home. In his arms. It was more than a dream come reality. Yet it wasn't safe. They were not yet safe. He had to get her somewhere she would be safe. He knew only one place where that would be.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Lily Evans Potter</span></span></div><br/><br/>In other circumstances, Lily would have dealt with Severus roughness easily. She was used to his ways, after all. Right now, though, being hurt and lost, Lily felt shocked by Snape's words. As he gripped her shoulders and spoke, her eyes filled with tears. Lily was still fragilized by the recent news, confused, and still trying to find some order in her life.<br/><br/>Still, Snape's words worked as a bucket of ice water. Something inside Lily - a deep rooted sense of survival, maybe - awoke with those rough words. Lily had never been one to give up and let herself go. She literally couldn't simply give up. She had to survive, even if James was dead. Others were alive, and the war was not over yet. And simply letting herself be killed would be giving Voldemort victory.<br/><br/>Despite the fact that she was still white as chalk, Lily nodded. "I don't want to die". Her voice sounded hollow, but firm. She needed to keep going. Her green eyes had a haunted expression when she looked at Severus. Her hands gripped his firmly. "Tell me what to do", she murmured, tension filling her voice. "I can hold on for a little longer".<br/><br/>She was unsure of how long she could hold it together for, but hopefully enough to reach safety. And she trusted Severus enough that she didn't ask where he was taking her. Another reason was that it was probably risky to ask. In these hard times, they had to act as though walls had ears and eyes.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Severus Tobias Snape</span></span></div><br/><br/>Severus felt torn between guilt and failure to do what he had promised and relief for her safety. He could see in her eyes the depth of her loss and it burned through him like fire. He didn't like James. He hated him, but the pain in Lily's gaze made him feel bad that he had witnessed the death of her husband. It was clear the love she held for James and the pain the loss cost her. A pain he wished he could remove. Severus felt his anger biting deep inside himself. He didn't' know what to say or do to sooth her. No one had ever done that for him. Lily had been the only kind person in his life. And he'd lost her. Yet here she stood in his home. Before him. Clinging to him. His breathing ragged and his heart thundering in his chest he felt torn between emotions and it was simpler just to push them away. They were not safe. They were not safe. That one phrase ran through his mind like a litany that grounded him.<br/><br/>He watched the struggle play across her face and he felt for her. How hard it must be to pull herself together. She was cold like him. She wasn't used to keeping on going and not feeling her emotions. He knew how overwhelming emotions could be. It was one of the many reasons he chose to be cold and distant. Withdrawn. "I won't let you die," he whispered softly as he gave her a light hug. A quick embrace to show her that for all his cold withdrawn expressions he understood her pain. He wanted to hold her forever, but he couldn't. He let her go and withdrew from her taking her hand lightly in his. "For now we need to get to Hogwarts," he began. His eyes widened in shock as he sucked in his breath. He looked down at his arm and felt the burn of the mark. Their time was running out the Dark Lord was coming. He could sense that. They were being called.<br/><br/>He gently cupped her face, "we don't have much time, take the flow network to Hogwarts, I'll meet up with you there," he whispered softly before letting her go.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Lily Evans Potter</span></span></div><br/><br/>Lily was still shaken, confused and crushed. Yet, her will to live managed to wake up, stirring somewhere deep inside the numbing pain she was feeling. She knew James wouldn't have liked her to let herself simply die without a fight. Maybe the reason why he had asked her not to follow him last night had been exactly that. I want to live, her mind stated firmly. Taking a long and deep breath, Lily looked up at Severus. She felt strangely calm now, as thought something had kicked in and taken over. It was as though her mind had decided it could hold on until they were safe.<br/><br/>Nodding when Severus said he wouldn't let her die, Lily made the decision to do exactly what she was told to. She had to trust him now. Letting Snape hold her hand, Lily listened to him, trying not to think about anything other than the present situation. The redhead nodded when Severus said they had to get to Hogwarts. It did feel like the only safe place at the moment. She looked at the fireplace. It was the best way to get there now. It wasn't safe to use any other.<br/><br/>When Snape told her to go without him, Lily held his wrists for a moment. She looked tense and scared. "I... Promise you will", Lily muttered. She walked to the fireplace and got some Floo in her hand, preparing to go. "I will wait for you there", she still reinforced her previous words, before taking the floo network to a free fireplace in the castle she had known so well.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Severus Tobias Snape</span></span></div><br/><br/>Severus could feel the burning that marked his anger radiating to them all. Somehow he knew. Fear darkened his eyes for a barest moment. He couldn't fail her. He couldn't. He couldn't let her down. He had to protect her. At all cost. The was simply no other way. She was everything. She was all that had ever mattered to him and when he'd failed her by telling the dark lord what he had overheard he had lived every day attempting to atone for it. He finally had a chance.He could save her. He could be there for her. Gently he nodded, "I promise," he said softly. Gently. Lovingly. Two simple words. Yet the hardest ones to keep. They would test his every skill. Drawing in a ragged breath he forced all his mental shields into place and watched as she left him feeling his heart tightened and the tangible fear darken his thoughts. He couldn't give into that fear or the Dark Lord would seek out his mind and be able to learn the truth. It was Oclumency that would save him now. Nothing else could do the job. Steeling himself for the pain to come he turned away from the fireplace and walked to the door for the second time tonight knowing that someone stood on his doorstep. He pulled open the door to find the dark lord on his step just about to push the door open and enter.<br/><br/>"Master," he said softly, reverently. He locked all thoguhts of Lily from his mind as he faced those cold dark eyes.<br/><br/>"Severus," the voice said sending chills down his spine. "You disapointment," he continues and Severus feels the beat of his heart increase faster. His boday beginning to bead with sweat as he struggled not to show a single emotion. Succeeding in appearing cold and collected even though he was anything but. He stepped back as the dark lord stepped forwards into his home and shut the door. Severus took three more steps back as the man glided forwards and drew his wand. He knew what was comming, "I expected you to have found her already," the man hissed as pain errupted in every single cell that Severus possesed. He fell to the floor a soft gasp of pain escaped his lips. The only thing he could think of as the torment began was that the dark lord didn't know he had been with Lily. He had to keep silent. Had to keep her safe. His heart thundered in his chest as he struggled to breath. Struggled not to scream. Struggled to keep his secrets.<br/><br/>"You disapoint me Severus, I'd advice against doing so in the future," the Dark Lord said as he released the spell that had all but rendered Severus unconscious from the pain that wracked his body. The soft scream escaped his lips as he forced himself to sit up. He gazed at the towering man who glowered down in displeasure at him and felt himself shaking. "Don't disapoint me again, or I shall not be so leniant next time," he cautioned and Severus had no intention to ever incur the man's wrath. "See to it that you find the woman and bring her to me," The dark lord said before he left.<br/><br/>Severus watched the door for a long moment before he pushed himself up off the floor and headed towards the fireplace. He was still shaking. He had only one intention, to never allow the Dark Lord to have a hold on Lily. It was the man's one mistake. His greatest mistake. If the Dark Lord had any shred of understanding for human behaviour he'd have known better. Severus could never betray Lily. With those thoughts firmly in mind he grabbed a handfull of floo powder and stepped into the flames following the one person whom he loved above all things. Lily.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Lily Evans Potter</span></span></div><br/><br/>While Severus was still at home, Lily stepped out of a fireplace in Hogwarts. Hogwarts. It felt like home. The place where she had met James. No, she couldn't think about that now. She had to keep moving, and thinking about keeping herself and Severus safe. She had to find help. Dumbledore, she had to find Dumbledore. It took her a moment to move, to actually act, though. It was so confusing and scary... Feeling slightly weak on the legs, Lily sat down for a moment.The place she had stepped out on was empty, and that gave her time to recover.<br/><br/><br/>After a moment, Lily stood back up again. She felt weak and shaken, but that feeling that she had to move had returned and pushed her foward. She needed to keep moving. She needed to find Dumbledore and talk to him. She needed to be strong, for Severus. And hope that he was strong for her as well.<br/><br/><br/>When Severus finally reached Hogwarts, he would see, not an empty and silent place, but movement. It seemed like Lily had already alerted Dumbledore and he had started setting things in motion to keep the school safe. And apparently, he was already being expected, as Minerva McGonagall grabbed his arm as soon as he stepped out of the fireplace.<br/><br/><br/>"Come with me", she directed, not really waiting for an answer. The woman would lead Snape to the room where Lily, still white as chalk, waited on a chair. Dumbledore was leaning over to her and holding her hand in an almost paternal manner. He looked up at Severus and sighed in relief. "I feared you might not reach this place safely, Severus", he spoke quietly. "I am taking all the precautions to make sure you are safe. For now, the two of you need to rest".<br/><br/><br/>Slipping her hand away from Dumbledore's, Lily stood up and ran to Severus, holding him tightly. "Have you been hurt?", she asked, her body shaking like a leaf. Her control was held by a hair trigger, but she still kept some of it.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Severus Tobias Snape</span></span></div><br/><br/>Severus staggered as the full weight of his fears settled over him and exactly what he had done by his actions. By coming here. Soon the dark lord would know. Soon he would hunt them both. He felt the strong grip on his arm. Having no more strength to fight and knowing here of all places he didn't have to he let Minerva lead him to Dumbledore's office and to Lily. As he saw her he broke free of Minerva's hold and went straight to her. Gently gathering her in his arms as she held him so tight. "It matters not, your safe. That's all that matters," he whispered softly before finally responding to Dumbledore.<br/><br/>"My home, there are some things that will need to be retrieved before he learns of my departure. You know what I speak of and where it is hidden. Within that room there is a trunk of items that cannot fall into his possession. Have you someone who can retrieve them?" Severus asked him. Not wanting to leave Lily even for a moment. Even for what he had in his home. Even for these items. Her life meant more to him then even the war did. Even his vow to Dumbledore didn't matter to him next to Lily.<br/><br/>He held her never wanting to let her go. Even as his heartbeat slowed and his own shaking made him feel weak and tired. His mind exhausted. He didn't care. He had her in his arms and she was all that mattered to him. His eyes closed as he spoke again, "He will know soon enough that I don't intent to turn Lily over to him. Soon he will hunt us bother. And this time he won't let me live through the encounter," Severus said the words into the silence.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Lily Evans Potter</span></span></div><br/><br/>Lily looked slowly up at Snape. He had been hurt, she knew. Had he not been, he would have simply said no. But it really didn't matter now. They were both safe now. As long as they both remained in Hogwarts, they would be protected. Not even Voldemort would get in there for them. "We are", she whispered back to Snape.<br/><br/><br/>While he talked to Dumbledore, Lily remained in Severus' arms, one of her hand rubbing his arm as though she had the need to make sure he was indeed there. Dumbledore nodded when Snape talked about the trunk. He knew what items he was speaking of and nodded. "Yes. I will see to it right now. You two need to stay here where you can be kept safe".<br/><br/><br/>Dumbledore had already left the room to see that the trunk was retrieved and brought to the school. Minerva was the one to reply. "You must stay too, Severus. At the very least until all of this ends. Now, I shall see you both to a room. You should rest, and be together for now, as we need to know you are both safe and it is easier if you are in one place".<br/><br/><br/>After these words, the woman waved for them to follow. "Come on, now".<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Severus Tobias Snape</span></span></div><br/><br/>Severus nodded. His mind was far too tired by everything to care where he stayed. He wouldn't have let Lily go even if they had demanded it. His eyes focused on hers as he gently took her hand in his and slowly began leading her after Minerva wanting to be close to her and assure himself she was safe. Her safety was all that mattered to him. As Minerva led them downwards towards the dungeons Severus smiled they were being led towards the room Dumbledore had told him would be his this year as he taught at school.<br/><br/>Pain lacerated his arm and he cursed softly under his breath. The only outwards sign he showed of what he felt. "I hope whoever is retrieving the items is fast, We are out of time," Severus said softly. Knowing what this meant. Knowing that now they were about to be discovered. He could feel the Dark Lords anger and fury burning through his mind and body. He shivered and drew Lily closer to him.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Lily Evans Potter</span></span></div><br/><br/>Lily was also exhausted. She felt like sleep would be the best thing in the world right now. She had never felt so tired in her entire life. It was as though the recent events had drained her of every last drop of energy. All she needed now was a break from the world, and time to regroup and recover. She wasn't sure if she would ever recover from losing James, but she had to try. And she had to do her best to keep Severus safe and alive. She felt like she would die if anything happened to him.<br/><br/><br/>Lily noticed when Severus cursed under his breath and touched his arm. She knew what was there, and it pained her to know that he had been marked. "I hope so too. We have had too much death already", Lily murmured. She closed her eyes for a moment, letting Snape draw her closer. The air was cooler as they got to the dungeons, and Lily took a deep breath. It seemed to make breathing easier.<br/><br/><br/>When they reached a room, it was already ready. It had a spacious bed and dark furniture. The room didn't have windows, but it seemed cool anyway. Minerva turned to Snape and Lily and sighed. "I will leave you now. Rest assured you are safe here".<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Severus Tobias Snape</span></span></div><br/><br/>Severus would feel irritated at the constant reassure of his safety when he knew better than anyone that nowhere was truly safe. He looked to Minerva and finally caved in saying what was closest on his mind, "we will never be safe so long as I bear his mark and he lives!" Severus said through clenched teeth. He was growling mostly due to the pain and it being his default response to any form of emotion he felt. He looked at the room and wondered how long he would get a chance to spend with Lily before the next attack.<br/><br/>He let the door shut and only then did he release Lily. He walked to the bed and sat down slowly. He looked at her and finally spoke softly, "I'm sorry I didn't save James for you," Severus said, "I'm sorry I never listened to you when we were children. I'm sorry I failed you Lily," he said softly. He could feel the tears prickling his eyes that bit deep. He hated the weakness and forced his emotions into the dark corner they always lived letting the cold and calm of Oclumency clear his mind.<br/><br/>There was so much pain and so much darkness. With a soft sigh he closed his eyes and let the full force of everything that had happened rain over him for a single moment. He wondered if she would ever forgive him. He opened his eyes and faced her. Owing her that much.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Lily Evans Potter</span></span></div><br/><br/>Lily shivered a little when Severus responded to Minerva in that way. She was scared and still suffering from the fresh wounds in her heart. Now that she had finally stopped at a safe place for a moment, all of the memories, all the pain, all the guilt threatened to swallow her in their overwhelming darkness. She wondered, just like Severus, how long they would have to regroup. Because it was clear that as long as Voldemort lived, nobody would be safe.<br/><br/><br/>When Severus released her, Lily felt as though she was going to fall on her knees, but made an effort to stand up. Severus' words made her nod softly, tears finally flowing freely from her eyes. She simply nodded, unable to speak. The pain was just too intense for her to even manage a word. It felt like a hand constricting he throat.<br/><br/><br/>She sighed tiredly and walked to the bed, her steps lacking firmness. It was as though she was drunk or exhausted. Probably the latter. She stared at Severus for a moment, before waking to the free side of the bed and drop on it. "I... I forgive you", she murmured, before closing her eyes. She really needed to rest, though she doubted her ability to fall asleep.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Severus Tobias Snape</span></span></div><br/><br/>Severus watched her feeling his heart being torn from his chest. Like a part of him was dying as well. He reached out to her as she sat on the bed, but the words she spoke made his heart shatter. How could she forgive him? How could she be this amazing? He felt completely lost and he could see the pain and loss and exhaustion in her. Gently he drew her into his arms as he lay down next to her and held her gently to his chest. He said the one thing he'd felt all along in a soft whisper against her ear, "I've always loved you Lily," it felt like a dream saying it softly. His heart pounded for fear of her response. He had no idea why he dared to admit that now of all time when he never could as a child.<br/><br/>Yet, as he did he knew it was the truth and he wanted her to know in case anything happened. He felt as if it was the last time he would have to tell her. The only chance to be completely alone with her until this was settled. He wouldn't waist another moment with her as he had in his past.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Lily Evans Potter</span></span></div><br/><br/>Lily was feeling so hurt, frail and confused that she didn't protest or move when Severus drew her into his arms. She usually didn't allow him to. But then again, the reason she didn't was that she was married. And now... now she wasn't, not anymore. Her husband was dead, and a part of her felt like she should have died along with him. Trying to shake this feeling, Lily closed her eyes. She knew Severus loved her. She knew he would do anything for her. But this feeling did very little to soothe her current pain.<br/><br/>Yet, she nodded. She wanted to tell him she knew. And that she could see it in every gesture he had ever done around her. But she couldn't. Her nerves had finally loosened up, and Lily finally managed to cry. It was a heartbreaking wail, sad little words beint intermingled with the sobbing while her hands gripped his arms tightly.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Severus Tobias Snape</span></span></div><br/><br/>Severus held her tightly feeling his chest burn from the pain she felt and the cruelty of this day. It had taken everything from her and he wished he could go back and sacrifice himself for the one man he hated above all others. That conflicting emotion was enough to drive him insane. "Sleep Lily, Tomorrow is another day," he said softly gently. As he fell silent letting his mind piece together everything. Allowing her cuddle as close to him as she wanted or as far away as she wanted. He simply remained there for her.<br/><br/>Severus wondered what the next days would bring. What would happen when the next attack arrived. Or when school started. Would he still teach Potions as had been the plan? Would Lily stay at Hogwarts with him? What would happen to them. He didn't have answers and he hated that more then anything.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Lily Evans Potter</span></span></div><br/><br/>Lily kept her eyes closed. She wanted to be able to speak, to have a conversation, to express how she felt. But it was too hard. She could do nothing but sob at the moment. Her pain was pouring out of her heart, and the young red head couldn't think straight. It was just too horrible and difficult. And yet, she knew she needed to regain some control. Severus' words made her feelings clash. A part of her wanted to agree with him. Another part wanted to yell at him, tell him to shut up and that there would be no other day.<br/><br/>The better part of her nature won, though. Lily nodded and finally managed to speak, her voice still trembling. "I-I know. I am trying to sleep", she murmured tiredly. Tossing and turned in bed. Her head was pounding, and she was starting to feel nauseated. After some turning, though, she finally closed her eyes. Her hand slipping across the bed and holding Snape's. That's how she finally managed to fall asleep.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Severus Tobias Snape</span></span></div><br/><br/>Severus wanted to talk to her. To comfort her. To offer what he could in the way of comfort and love, but he knew that there was nothing he could do. He couldn't even garantee her freedom at this point. Feeling helpless and hating himself for it he simply lay still and listened to her soft murmuring. Felt her turn and toss next to him and wished he could hold her and make her feel safe and loved. There was nothing he could do more then lay still next to her and let her settle. When she took his hand he felt his heart beat quicken and gently stroked the skin of her hand. He listened as her breathing evened out into sleep and smiled slightly as he slowly relaxed next to her. Still holding her hand he too fell alseep.<br/><br/>He woke up some time later uncertain about what had woken him. Was it the faint sturring of the wind through the chamber? Or the distant call of the Dark Lord that he could hear and feel even here in Hogwart? Was it the burning on his arm? Or was it the sense of unease he felt? He had no idea. Slowly trying not to wake Lily he slipped out of bed and headed towards his desk. Slidding down into the chair he pulled out a book and slowly opened it to the page he had been reading so many nights ago.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Lily Evans Potter</span></span></div><br/><br/>Lily felt an immense comfort in the simple act of falling asleep. She had been needing it since she had heard of James' death. It had felt like she had entered a haze and couldn't escape it. It had been really hard to hold herself together until they reached safety. As she laid on a bed and had the chance to rest, Lilly felt grateful. It still hurt terribly, but she could at least sleep and try to forget for a while. And so she did. After some tossing and turning, Lily's tiredness got her to enter dreamland.<br/><br/><br/>She slept like a log for hours, only her breathing indicating she was alive. Her hand held Snape's, and she seemed to derive some sense of security out of it. When he slipped out of bed, she didn't notice on a conscious plan, but that sense of being safe was removed too. Coincidence or not, she started tossing in bed again, in the thrall of a nightmare.<br/><br/><br/>She could see herself lying on that very bed, as hooded and cloaked forms slipped in the room. Oddly enough, instead of attacking with wands, one of the forms started strangling her. It felt so vivid the redhead sat up on the bed gasping for air and trying to remove something from her neck. Still confused, she stumbled out of bed and leaned against the desk, her hands on it for support. "S-Severus", she murmured, confused and light-headed. "W-what... are we still safe?".<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Severus Tobias Snape</span></span></div><br/><br/>Severus rose quickly out of his chair snapping the book closed as he saw Lily stumble from the bed. She looked odd. He worried for her as her voice trembled and slow drew her into his arms, worry intensified at the odd quality of her voice. Fear snaked deep inside him, "were at Hogwarts," he answered softly as he held her. "What's wrong Lily?" he asked. Needing to know. Needing an answer. Feeling as though the world was shattering around him. He felt the presence in his mind that had become all too familiar over ht years and blocked it with all the strength he knew how. He would need to find a way to break the spell or it would drive him insane. Occlumency was the only way to prevent the Dark Lord from looking into his memories and driving him nuts. Yet even he had his limits in that skill set.<br/><br/>"Do you need to go to the Hospital Wing?" he asked, "Are you injured?" he continued with the questions. Feeling lost and confused. Uncertain. He wanted to help her but didn't know how.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Lily Evans Potter</span></span></div><br/><br/>Lily allowed Severus to draw her into his arms. It provided her with a sense of security. His presence near her was strangely comforting. It wasn't as though she felt perfectly safe - that would take time. But she knew that if anyone would do whatever it took to protect her, this person was Snape. She knew how he felt about her. She had known since... ever, maybe?<br/><br/>His nervousness unsettled her a little, though. Lily felt like he needed to be calm for her to feel safe. Trying to shake this feeling off, the red head took a deep breath and made an effort to calm down. She could feel her heart racing as though she had just run a marathon.<br/><br/>"I... I don't know. I had a horrible nightmare", she explained, resting her head on his chest. "A dark, hooded figure... it was... strangling me. Right here, in this room". Lily closed her eyes and shivered in Snape's arms. "I just feel so scared, Severus, I don't know. I think I just need to rest and eat something later. I haven't really eaten anything since... you know, that happened. But I can't even think about food right now. I feel like nothing would go down my throat".<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Severus Tobias Snape</span></span></div><br/><br/>Severus held her tightly in the circle of his arms, feeling the steady beat of his heart and the rapid rhythm of hers against his chest. it was an odd combination. He wasn't sure what to do or say. He felt off, trapped, helpless and that was something he'd never known how to deal with. Severus had only learned what love was from his own feelings towards hers. Certainly not from his upbringing. He therefore didn't really know how to respond. Or show the compassion a normal individual would show. Silently he held her for a long moment.<br/><br/>"Food is something we can take care of," Severus said pulling out his wand and making a plater of sandwiches appear on the desk. "you need to eat," h encouraged softly as he thought more about the nightmares and what she described.<br/><br/>It made sense that her fears could manifest as nightmares, but somehow he didn't think this was the case. Something wasn't adding up here for him. The way she described the nightmares were off. They didn't make a lot of sense. He would need to read up on a few things, but he almost wondered if it wasn't The Dark Lord's doing. An attempt to draw her out. To force her to act. He knew just how badly Voldemort wanted Lily from the shooting pain and anger he felt constantly.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Lily Evans Potter</span></span></div><br/><br/>Lily tried to calm down, but it was difficult. Her mind was still too shaken. The dream seemed way too real for her to forget about it. It was so close she could almost still feel the cold fingers around her neck. It was surprising for her that she didn't have marks, so real had the feeling been. She tried to convince she was just tired and distressed, and that the dreams would go away.<br/><br/>Looking at the plate of sandwiches made Lily's stomach tighten. She was definitely hungry, and decided she would try to eat at least a little. With a soft sigh, Lily picked one of the sandwiches up and sat down, nibbling on it. She forced herself to eat it to the end and laid on her back, looking up at the ceiling.<br/><br/>"You should eat something too", she murmured faintly. "I will try and eat a little more later. I don't feel so good right now". After this statement, she closed her eyes, trying to think about the dream and wonder if there was something about them, or if they were just her mind playing tricks on her.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Severus Tobias Snape</span></span></div><br/><br/>Severus sat down on the edge of the bed as she laid back. He gently ran his fingers through her hair and down her cheek. "Rest," he said softly. Feeling like there was nothing else he could do. He gently kept running his hand through her hair and over her face. A gentle tender touch that let her know he was there. With her. "I will keep watch," he said softly. Not feeling much like eating either. It wasn't that he was feeling ill, but that he simply was not hungry. He was far too worried at what these dreams would mean for them. He half felt like asking Dumbledore about them. The older man knew so much more then Severus did. Though he did not often admit such things he respected and valued the old man's opinions. Even if he did not trust Dumbledore.<br/><br/>Severus looked over to his desk and the book he had been reading. it was dark dark magic, the book that Dumbledore had asked him to research. The things he was thinking. It made his skin crawl and Severus had spent his whole life studying dark magic, but this. This was beyond evil. Beyond anything even he would dare to read. The fact that now he was studying it, meant only one thing. He needed every advantage to keep Lily safe and win. Even now he felt the pull of the Dark Lord on him. The mark burning like fire on his skin mad him uncomfortable, but it was nothing compared to the fear he felt at the very thought of losing Lily again.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Lily Evans Potter</span></span></div><br/><br/>Lily closed her eyes, feeling Severus' caress on her hair. It was a comforting touch, and it helped her relax. Lily was also worried about her nightmares. Still, she was tired from all the stress, and decided sleeping would do her good. In no time, the woman was asleep again, this time without any nightmares to disturb her rest.<br/><br/>As the days passed by, Lily rested and tried to recover from the shock of James' death. Unlike Snape, she trusted Dumbledore, and believed he was the one person she could count on to be safe. Not even Dumbledore had been able to help with the nightmares, though. They came every other night, sometimes every night, and were terribly vivid. They seemed to indicate a terrible death awayted her. They always featured the same hooded figure and herself. The imagery was very clear, there was always the threat of death in some way.<br/><br/>Recently, the dreams had been coming every night. They showed sessions of prolonged torture, by various different figures, up until the point where she was begging to be killed. Once the morning came, the dreams stopped and she managed to sleep. And all the while, she was kept inside the castle, unable to go anywhere in fears that she might be found and killed. At the moment, a morning after one of those restless nights, Lily was sitting on the bed she had used since getting to Hogwarts. As she had done since then, she was talking to Snape. After telling him the dream in vivid details, she made a request. "Take me somewhere, Sev", she pleaded. "I don't know... I want to... breathe some fresh air, have an ice cream cone, a cup of coffee... something simple, doesn't matter if just for an hour, and then back here. Please?".<br/><br/>The woman stopped talking, her green eyes staring into Snape's dark ones. It was clear she was hoping for an affirmative answer.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Severus Tobias Snape</span></span></div><br/><br/>Severus felt as if the world had only laid more weight on his shoulders. When he'd first gone to Dumbledore to keep Lily safe, he'd never imagined it would be in his arms. Never mind after the death of James. A part of him. The part that hated James that was still a boy felt glad and triumphant at this, but the bigger part of him. The part that loved Lily eternally felt her grief as his own. Severus was torn, hating that he felt both grief and triumph at the death. It was such a strange combination it annoyed him.<br/><br/>The days went pretty much the same for Severus, preparing for classes that would begin in September. Studying that awful book and more besides to learn all he could about Horcruxes from Dumbledore having no understanding why the man wanted him to research this. Did Dumbledore think him capable of this evil? Was he missing something? The man never shared his plans. Even if Severus was a member of the Order now he was not trusted. He knew that. Used as he was he doubted he'd ever get back into Voldermort's good books even if he were to head back. The double agent role wouldn't happen now. So what did Dumbledore want?<br/><br/>The nightmares Lily had made him even more determined to find a cure for them. He worked tirelessly to find a solution. Had tried various potions with her, but nothing worked and it was frustrating him. He wanted to help her so much he felt trapped and a failure for not being able to. It made him edgy and irritable. Lily was the only one who saw any of his emotions. Everyone else saw only the cold hard man. Lily saw everything. He had no doubt she knew of his frustrations and sleepless nights watching her, holding her, protecting her as he could not do anything to help the nightmare he was always awake by her side when she had them. Gently holding her hoping to comfort her. Sleeping in the morning or catching naps during the day to make up for the lack of sleep and never saying a word about it.<br/><br/>At first when Lily looked at him with those big green eyes and all but begged him to take her outside he wanted to refuse. Wanted to tell her he couldn't, but he couldn't do it. As he opened his mouth to tell her no he replied instead, "where do you want to go?" and wanted to curse himself for a fool. He knew the dangers of this. He could get her killed. And he felt like screaming. Yet the sleepless nights and the fact she was locked up in the castle all the time while he wasn't under such restrictions even if he didn't choose to leave ever meant that he fully understood her need to be outside and that amongst other reasons was why he spoke the words he wondered if he'd regret.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Lily Evans Potter</span></span></div><br/><br/>Lily was also torn. A part of her really wanted to appreciate all that Severus did for her. Another part of her was too wounded and confused, and just wanted to be alone. She felt like grieving privately, but there was no private time. She was always around someone. If Severus, her more constant companion, wasn't around, Dumbledore or McGonagall would be. It felt like a prison. It was a prison, since she couldn't move an inch away from the school grounds, be it alone, be it with someone.<br/><br/>For a person like Lily, who valued freedom, that life was bound to kill her. She felt suffocated, unhappy, to the point where her health was starting to suffer. The once cheerful and healthy young woman was now a pale figure, much more interested in sleeping than anything else. And of course, the nightmares made sleeping an ordeal, instead of a resting moment. When she was allowed to, Lily walked around the cold corridors, just to move, but it was difficult to live that way.<br/><br/>When she finally begged Severus to take her somewhere, Lily was fearing she would go insane if she didn't leave the school for just a few minutes. She needed the feeling of freedom, even if just for a while before she returned to the castle and stayed there. Her mind screamed for some fresh air, something different for a while. When Severus asked where she wanted to go, Lily let out a huge sigh of relief. "Anywhere", she blurted out. "Take me to... Hogsmeade, or anywhere. I just really need to sit somewhere, have a mug of hot chocolate, and then we can come back. Please, Sev".<br/><br/>The woman was nearly in tears, an evidence of how shaken she was with that trapped life. "I promise I won't ask for anything else. Just a mug of chocolate and some fresh air, I promise".<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Severus Tobias Snape</span></span></div><br/><br/>For days Severus had worried about Voldemort and what the Dark Lord was doing. He knew the plots must be spinning in the sorcerer's head and that revenge was not far away. He knew the man wanted Lily dead and it was the last thing Severus could stand. He couldn't even think it without wanting to destroy everything around him. He couldn't loose her. She was his whole world and he couldn't even tell her as much. He was weak where she was concerned. He would do anything for her. It was why when she begged him to leave the safety of the castle he agreed even though it went against everything he knew to be smart. To leave was to endanger her. He knew that, but he couldn't deny her. This was no way to live.<br/><br/>----<br/><br/>Voldemort paced the dark halls with restless energy. His plan set into motion the night he'd missed catching the woman. He needed to end her. It was something that made him anxious and irritable. he'd already killed two of his death eaters for failing to capture her and return her to him. His servants were jumping at every shadow he cast their way and even their fear was no longer enough to make him happy. He was desperate for the woman. His anger growing with each step he relished only the nightmares he sent her. Turning her happy moments into monstrosities that ate at her was something he relished doing. it punished her for escaping him. Would eventually drive her to make a mistake. To leave the shelter of Dumbledore and his henchmen. He needed her out of way. Needed to get her alone and away from her protection. Then and only then once she was dead and dealt with and him free would he turn his attention to the worm who'd deserted him.<br/><br/>---<br/><br/>Severus regarded her with such sadness in his eyes. He hated the risk, but could not have said no even if she'd not been so desperate. He couldn't deny her the simplest of request. "Alright. Hogmeades isn't that far from the castle we should be fairly safe there," he said gently. Gathering his cloak. He held out his hand to her, "You could ask me for the world Lily and I'd find a way to give it to you," he whispered softly not even sure she'd heard him. These last few days had been almost torture to him. Being so close to her. Holding her, but unable to tell her how he truly felt. He wanted nothing more then to see her smile at him. To love him like he loved her. She never had. He knew that. He couldn't let himself believe she'd come to love him. She'd made her choice. Chosen James. He had to remember that.<br/><br/>Severus shoved the thoughts aside and waited for her before he headed out of the dungeon and out into the cold autumn air. The bite of icy wind against his skin brought instant color to his cheeks.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Lily Evans Potter</span></span></div><br/><br/>Lily, unaware that the nightmares were a lure to trick her out of the safety she could only find inside Hogwarts, had begged Severus to allow her to leave just for a moment. Of course, she would not be alone. She would be with Severus, and he would keep her safe.<br/><br/>While Lily had her misgivings about his choosing to side with Voldemort, one thing she had never doubted was his loyalty to her. No, Lily knew Severus would die to keep her safe it the need happened to arise. So, there was no doubt that she was completely safe by his side. She knew that, even if it came to choosing between loyalties, she still held and advantage. She had been around for longer, after all. And even if she couldn't offer everything he wanted, Lily was sure that what limited affection she could provide was still more than Snape had ever had from anyone else. She really wished to be able to give more, but Lily knew that she couldn't. She would feel like she was cheating on James, and that she could not do.<br/><br/>Pushing all these thoughts aside, Lily tried to tidy herself up a little, not liking how pale she looked. She got a coat on and followed Snape outside. She would look around at every turn, feeling the taste of freedom. Grabbing Snape's hand when they saw themselves in Hogsmead, Lily smiled excitedly. "Thank you so much for this, Severus! I can even feel my appetite coming back. Can we find somewhere to eat?". That had been a drastic change, as back in the castle, Lily was always complaining of not having appetite, even though she would eat a little here and there. "I'm all yours for as long as we are here, so take good care of me, will you?", she requested, squeezing her friend's hand softly.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Severus Tobias Snape</span></span></div><br/><br/>Severus stood out in the crisp cold giving Lily time to get herself ready. He felt absolutely torn because of everything that had happened. His choices. Back when he'd been a child listening to Lucius Malfoy he'd believed as his old friend did that the dark lord could offer him power and respectability two things he'd treasured and wanted and his own arrogance had driven him towards them. Hating the muggles because of his father. He'd pushed away the only person he'd truly loved. He never saw Lily as Muggleborn. How he wished now he'd been able to accept her help. How he'd been able to listen to her. He hadn't been. he'd needed to feel strong and powerful. He'd made all kinds of mistake.<br/><br/>Now though he regretted only one things, not saving James for Lily. He should have died in his place. It would have made Lily smile. He felt the anger and hatred inside himself spiralling around as he'd once done as a child blaming himself for his mother staying with his father. He couldn't bare those emotions so he shoved them back until he felt cold acceptance and empty calm. All he could do now was try and be worthy of Lily. Even if he'd never succeed at being what she deserved.<br/><br/>He didn't have to wait long for her to follow him out and as she took his hand in hers he felt his heart speed up and race. The walk down to Hogshead was cold and windy but beautiful and lively. It was so peaceful to just walk in silence side by side that he didn't even think about anything just simply walked and enjoyed the simpleness of it all. He regarded her as she spoke and gave her a gentle smile, "No need to thank me," he said simply. There wasn't any. He'd done nothing at all to deserve thanks. He looked away quickly least he start saying anything else he regretted again. When her next words came he froze almost in place and was even more shocked when she continued. The fact that she wanted food was something that startled him, but that she would spend the day with him alone and asked him to take good care of her was like a date request. It made his heart thunder and his brain go blank with far too many emotions that nothing registered.<br/><br/>"I will take care of you Lily, I swear it. I won't fail you again," he replied so softly, then started leading her towards the Three Broomsticks, "Fancy anything at the Three Broomsticks?" he asked as he started off towards the pub.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Lily Evans Potter</span></span></div><br/><br/>Lily smiled brightly at Severus before he left the room. She started humming softly to herself as she got ready to get out. It was the first time, since she had gotten in the castle, that Lily felt a little less depressed and gloom. She knew she would probably fall back into her sadness once they returned, but she would at least have a few moments of joy and relief to look back to during her long hours inside.<br/><br/>Lily didn’t really think about what she was saying when she asked Severus to take good care of her. Her emotions were so confused and mixed up after all that had happened recently - and all that could still happen in near future -, and she really didn’t mean to hurt Snape’s feelings. It was just stronger than her, that need to be cared for.<br/><br/>When Severus said he would not fail her again, Lily looked down. She tried to choke back her emotions, as memories rushed in. Regaining control, Lily nodded at Snape’s question. “I can go for something hearty, like a stew, and maybe butterbeer”, she stated, pensive. “I really should eat something nice, I believe. Make it an occasion”. Because Lord knows when I’ll be able to be outside again, her mind completed. “You will join me for a meal, right?”, she completed as they entered the warm pub.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #ffff00;background:#ffff00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00">Severus Tobias Snape</span></span></div><br/><br/>Severus was at war with himself. A part of his mind kept flashing back to when they were third year students and would wonder into Hogsmeade together to see the sites. To go to the sweats shop even though Severus hated sweats and always broke out in a sweat when inside that place, from the overwhelming memories that rose up to bite him hard. For her he'd go in and watch her carefree ways. How he treasured her carefree nature. He was so desperate to see it again. To see her radiance and smile. To see her eyes light up with life and passion. How he missed that side of her. Locked in the castle it was the one thing he'd noticed most. She wasn't meant to be locked away.<br/><br/>Sighing at the forlorn thoughts in his head. That her simple words awoke. All those times he'd wished to be more then just her friend. All those times he'd wish himself strong enough to speak the truth of his feelings. The things was Severus didn't speak his feelings. He pretended he didn't have any. He walled them all away behind a blank expression that only expressed his condescension and anger. His hatred and resentment. It was simpler to push everyone away. Make them hate him first. Then he controlled the rejection. He didn't have to live up to their expectations only to have them laugh at him for his ineptitude. No. This was simpler. To be cold and distant and withdrawn. To hide behind the wall controlled how much hurt he received. It was all about control.<br/><br/>"Of course I will," Severus stated simply in response as he followed her inside, "why don't you go choose us a table while I place our order and meet you there. I see a few open tables near the windows." Severus stated. Pointing out the empty tables in the bright streaming sunlight from the large and slightly gritty windows. He watched her waiting to see what she would decide. Wondering if today would be the only time they had like this. Where they could pretend for a moment that nothing around them was changed. That the truth of their situation wasn't thus. That the danger didn't exist.<br/><br/>Severus wasn't a fool. He knew it existed. He knew that no matter how much he wished it otherwise. They could never be anything more then friends. He was a former death-eater. He would die in this war. That was a certainty. He would die or he would rot in Azkaban for his crimes. She was everything that was light. She wasn't tainted by the darkness. Not like he was. He was tainted irreparably so. It would do no good to dwell in a fantasy. Even for an hour. No he had to remember, and he had to keep up his walls. He had to be strong. Be the solid wall of strength she needed. He had to be her shield. He would care for her and protect her, and he would keep himself distant from her. He wouldn't allow his darkness to taint her. He couldn't.<br/><br/>With those thoughts in mind and one last look at Lily he turned towards the bar. Slowly walking up towards it to place their order.