Severus had known Lily for so long he could see something in her gaze that told him. This time his lie wouldn't stand. This time he wasn't going to be allowed to detour the conversation away. To hide behind his thick shields. The truth was he wasn't sure he should be allowed to hid. Hiding had led him to court the darkness that took so many Slytherin's as it's own. He'd know for the last two years that many of his so called friends were going to be taking vows to the Dark Lord. He himself couldn't help but feel drawn to the sugared promises that dripped from he charismatic leader’s lips like honey from a beehive. Something Severus somehow doubted, but at the same time yearned for. He’d managed to stay away. Managed to hold off making up his mind. Knowing that the moment he turned fully to embrace that inner darkness he held inside he’d loose Lily forever. He’d known it since the argument they’d had when he’d tried to apologize at first. Though now standing there watching her reaching out to him. Insisting he wasn’t fine. He knew in his heart. She’d truly forgiven him.<br/><br/>He knew in that moment as he looked into those green eyes meeting his obsidian gaze that he stood right on the edge of that decision. He felt as though his whole world hung on this one single moment. On how he would step next. In his heart he knew if he walked away from her now, he’d give into Lucius’s words, and although he truly loved Lucius as his brother, he didn’t believe that muggleborns didn’t belong in their world. In a way he didn’t think Lucius did either. He honestly thought the younger man was being led astray due to both his father, a known and proud Death Eater, and the Dark Lord’s charisma. If he allowed her to lead him wherever it was she wanted he might just find himself on an entirely different path then the one he was currently walking down.<br/><br/>Severus felt torn and lost. He knew his resolve for staying with his father. Staying in that house. Letting it continue even though both Lucius and Lily had talked to him about talking to someone who could do something about it, that reason was gone. His mother was gone. He no longer had to fear that his father’s wrath would fall on her. Still a part of him was scared, even though he’d never admit it. He was terrified.<br/><br/>All these things swam in his mind in less then a minute of hesitation. He had stiffened at the light touch of his friend. His body’s natural reaction to any physical contact. He didn’t flinch away, he didn’t make a sound. He only grew still as stone. When her hand closed over his. He was lost. He knew he couldn’t draw away. Couldn’t push her away, because her next words were his undoing.<br/><br/><span style="font-style: italic">Do you trust me?</span><br/><br/>Echoed through his mind pushing all other thoughts away. Shattering his occlumency shields and leaving him bereft of his own defences. He swallowed hard. He couldn’t deny the truth.<br/><br/>“I do trust you Lily. As I trust no other,” Severus whispered the words so softly they barely were audible, but he knew Lily would have heard. He knew she was listening. Of course she was. She knew he wouldn’t say those words loud. He wasn’t used to extending his trust. Not fully. Not in a way that left him vulnerable to another. Even as much as he trusted Lucius and Narcissa, his other two close friends, he wouldn’t allow them his full trust. A part of him always expected betrayal. He lived on guard for that. Knowing it was only a matter of time. Yet with Lily, somehow he didn’t expect betrayal. Somehow he could trust her, fully.<br/><br/>He hesitated a long moment before he slowly closed his hand around hers. Making the grip on her hand one that was tight, showing her that he welcomed the contact. Even if it went against everything he’d ever shown. He returned the strong hold with his own. Allowing her to lead him wherever she intended. In that moment he’d sworn without words to be completely honest with her. If she asked he would answer. A rarity. Even for his friendship with her. He would give her full and truthful answers. No subterfuge or deceit. Open Honesty. Something he never had offered anyone before. That terrified him to the very core of his soul. He felt exposed and vulnerable.