“Hullo Teo, this is Christine Petrov, I’ll be acting as your new transcriptionist, how can I help you today Teo?” When the female voice reached Teo, his mind immediately raced, in rapid succession in the span of only a few seconds, three flashbacks.<br/><br/>A flashback to when he was a kid; his Mom would take care of him, though grudgingly.  "Why can't you take care of yourself?"  The car accident wasn't his fault; he had been lucky, he could still walk a little, but long distances were hard.  Sometimes, on bad days, he would ask his Mom for help.  For a long time, he adored his Mom, wanted to be like her, wanted to spend all his time with her.  But after the accident, she was different.  Nervous; even distant.  When she asked "Why can't you take care of yourself", something snapped inside of Teo.  He decided he would do everything he could to take care of himself and not rely on someone else.<br/><br/>Flashback to the girl he asked to marry him; he absolutely thought she was the one.  They seemed to get along so well; they hung out with each other, told each other secrets, made out with each other.  It was a surprise to him when she said no; but the truth came out why.  "I … I don't know what people will think, me being married to a paraplegic."  Teo snapped back, "Incomplete!  The injuries are not complete, I have some days are better than others; I'm not a cripple."  But she didn't want to face what others thought, face what her parents might think, or face what society might say.  My God, he was FULLY functional in the right departments, he'd just need a little help.<br/><br/>Flashback to the bar and the high class escort girl; she came onto him though he didn't realize it now, she needed the money.  He was interested, but not in the sex.  She was pretty, gorgeous.  He had a fantasy of her being his best friend; he blew his money all on her.  But she was nothing like what he thought she would be; she talked a good talk for sales pitch, but the delivery was less than to be desired.  She wanted to do things to him he had never dreamed of; all he wanted was a friend to talk to, someone to maybe tickle and hug, a friendship, a relationship.  The two desires did not mix; she just wanted to work for her money.  He just wanted time with an understanding soul.  The night ended early.  "Hmphh; I've never had a client like you!" she huffed out of the hotel room, not returning even one dollar for the overall failed experience.<br/><br/>From that point on, Teo determined he would pour all of his thoughts into his journal.  It wasn't like he couldn't type on the computer by himself; he typed a decent 60 words per minute when he was creating computer programs and databases for large corporations!  (He had figured out how to get a job for himself even staying at home for companies that wanted his database skills.)  However, it was the act of typing his thoughts that distracted the flow of all he wanted to say; Mark understood that and listened very carefully to everything he said.  There was no emotional investment with Mark; no possible rejection and no need to 'accept' anything.  No need to put on 'an air' for each other or figure out each other's feelings so as to be sensitive to one another's personal needs.  It was the perfect match … except now he was gone … and a female voice was welcoming him on the other end.<br/><br/>"Hi Christine" he said; he sounded alarmed in his voice.  What was he to say next?  He didn't want to put her off, but he hadn't considered that the next transcriptionist would be female.  And why not, he thought?  Isn't that stereo type that society had ingrained into women anyways?  Weren't women normally transcriptionists, secretaries, executive assistants?  Mark was the exception, but Teo hadn't realized it until now.  It was a bad stereo type; Teo definitely wasn't sexist in any way. No, his problem wasn't that transcriptionists shouldn't be female.  His problem was that his transcriptionist shouldn't be female, not with the shit that was in his life.<br/><br/>Still, in his situation, his heart had a "thing" for women of which he had been avoiding for some time.  He felt safe with Mark that he could be anything, do anything.  He didn't have to worry, he could live in his little own bubble.  But now, if he allowed Christine to be his new transcriptionist, this would be outside of his comfort zone.  It could be dangerous; she would know things about him, secret things.  She might make fun of him, reject him in his mind all the while playing "Ms. Nice gal".  He couldn't abide by that.<br/><br/>"I … I am surprised that you’re a fe …." he stopped.  "I mean, I know you'll do a great job; I was just so used to Mark."  This wasn't going well.  "Well, my name is Teo … I mean, let me introduce myself.  I'm Teo.  I just like talking about my thoughts and …"  Uggh!  This was awkward; this was like introducing oneself to the father of a girl you wanted to date; except, this wasn't the father, this was the girl.  Why was he having such difficulties?<br/><br/>"Look; I've got tons of emotional baggage that Mark didn't care about.  I … you know, don't want to put all that on you, but it's how I write my journal.  I just let all my feelings out, it helps me.  And well, I'm just afraid … I guess I don't know what I'm afraid of.  Uh … you think you can get Mark back on the phone?"