Ichabod only nodded when Ruin called him an idiot.  Right then, the demon could have accused him of nearly any crime without eliciting a denial.  How could he have been so stupid?  How could he have imagined that Sebastian still gave a damn what happened to him?  In his hour desperation, he’d turned to the memory of his old lover for help.  But it was a demon who saved his life.  Sucking in ragged gasps of air, Ichabod gripped Ruin’s shirt with trembling hands and pressed his face against the warmth which seeped through its fabric.  Even though they were back inside the magical barrier, he couldn’t shake the fear that something would still try to drag him away.<span style="font-style: italic">Don’t let me go</span>, he begged silently.<span style="font-style: italic">Please, just hold me for a little while longer..</span>.<br/><br/>Then, to his complete surprise, Ichabod felt Ruin ruffle his hair.  Although uncharacteristic, there was something genuinely tender and reassuring about the gesture.  A fleeting smile skittered across Ichabod’s lips in the darkness.  Gradually, his breathing grew less labored and his heartbeat slowed from a racing stampede to a brisk trot.  By the time Ruin sat up, Ichabod was ready to accept the separation of their bodies.<br/><br/>Overwhelmed by a flood of emotional pain, Ichabod had nearly forgotten about the bite he’d received.  Then Ruin’s words brought his mind back to its dull ache.  Despite a feeble attempt at bravery, Ichabod flinched when Ruin gripped his injured arm, expecting the demon apply fire or alcohol -- although where he might get either, Ichabod couldn’t imagine.  However, Ruin apparently possessed another way of disinfecting wounds.  A soft gasp escaped Ichabod as the demon’s tongue swept across his torn flesh.  It hurt a little, but also ignited a familiar fire beneath his skin.  As Ichabod’s initial surprise gave way to enjoyment, his gasp turned to a low whine of arousal.<br/><br/>Immediately after the sound left his lips, Ichabod regretted it, fearing a reprisal from Ruin.  But apparently the demon hadn’t heard.  Instead of raking his claws across Ichabod’s face, he simply announced that he wouldn’t be healing the bite.  Normally, Ichabod would have protested such treatment -- he wasn’t a naughty child, and it wasn’t Ruin’s place to send him to bed without dinner.  However, this time, he meekly accepted the demon’s judgement.  He really had been a fool.  And maybe if the wound remained open, Ruin would need to disinfect it again?<br/><br/>Accepting Ruin’s help, Ichabod got to his feet and staggered over to his bedroll.  With an exhausted sigh, he dropped down onto it.  Then he began rooting through his pack, searching for something he could use to wrap his arm.  He was still busy with that when Ruin sat down behind him.  Ichabod welcomed the extra support of Ruin’s back pressing against his own.  However, the demon’s question stirred much more mixed emotions.  For a few minutes, Ichabod remained silent, as he retrieved a decently clean scrap of cloth and tied it over the wound.  He’d never spoken about Sebastian to anyone.  If he’d been able to see Ruin’s face, he probably still wouldn’t have managed.  But here in the darkness, it was almost like talking to himself.  Drawing a deep breath, Ichabod attempted to explain the longing that had nearly gotten them both killed.<br/><br/>“When I was fifteen, I ran away from home.”  Despite the residual fear and sadness that still clung to his heart, Ichabod managed a soft chuckle.  “If you think I’m a headstrong fool now, you should have seen me at fifteen.  But I just couldn’t stand the thought of it -- spending my whole life in one small village, barely eking out a living.  I wanted to see the world.”<br/><br/>“For a year, I bumbled around.  Sometimes I did odd jobs in exchange for food or shelter.  Most of the time, I went without.  Then, a little after I turned sixteen, I met Sebastian.”  For a moment, Ichabod hesitated, knowing that what he was about to say would sound like wishful thinking or improbable bragging.  He even considered changing the story to make Sebastian human.  But Sebastian’s race had played a strong part in their relationship, as well as foreshadowing its cruel end.  “He was one of the Sidhe, amusing himself by slumming around the human world.  I still don’t know why I caught his attention.  But for whatever reason, we started travelling together.  He taught me how to gamble, how to cheat...and how to please him in bed.”<br/><br/>Even in the darkness, Ichabod closed his eyes.  He wasn’t sure if he wanted to trap the rush of fond memories or block them out.   “He was my first, my whole world.  I thought we were in love.  I thought we were forever.”  Again, Ichabod paused, as if that could make the story last forever.  But its ending had to come eventually.   “Then, nearly a year after we first met, he gave me a little kiss on the cheek and told me it was over.  No hard feelings, he was still fond of me.  But he’d gotten bored.”<br/><br/>That was the moment when the recklessness had really begun.  Ichabod kept going without Sebastian, because that was all he knew how to do, and he eventually managed to rediscover pleasure in his travels.  But some part of him had stopped caring if he lived or died.<br/><br/>“I kept thinking he’d come back.  I thought it must be a joke or a test.  I didn’t understand how someone could just stop being in love.”  Had it been love?  Sometimes, in his darker moments, Ichabod wondered what he’d really been to Sebastian.  A passing amusement?  A well trained pet?   But he couldn’t allow himself to dwell on those doubts right now, not with tears already pooling in his eyes.  “So when I thought I saw him standing outside the barrier, I...well, like you said, I was a fool.”<br/><br/>As the last words faded into silence, Ichabod became acutely aware that he’d just told his life story to someone who’d asked a relatively simple question.  Anxiously, he listened for the sound of snoring, or any other evidence that Ruin had fallen asleep.  But the demon seemed to still be awake.  “Sorry,” Ichabod apologized.  “That was probably a lot more than you wanted to know.  As you might imagine, I don’t usually have anyone to talk to.”