River felt so guilty as she went on as though it was her fault. If only he had been able to tell her what really happened. He knew he had to, but he couldn't do it, not here, not now. When she finished her dinner, and asked if they were ready to go, he sighed. There wasn't much he could do to change how she felt about him, he wouldn't have blamed her if she'd never spoken to him again. He felt guilty about always ignoring the calls from her, but he couldn't hear her voice. He just knew it would have sent him insane.<br/><br/>River stood up and moved out of the seat, he grabbed her hand, and helped her up. "Let's go" was all he said.Then he went silent and remained that way. They made their way through the town and back to the car park. Why did she always have this way of making him feel like he was the worst person alive. He had his reasons for leaving... he hadn't known how to tell her, and he couldn't say goodbye.<br/><br/>When they got in the car, he put his belt on, and started the engine. He hadn't muttered another word since they had left the pizzeria. He put the car into go, and that was when he answered everything she had asked back at the pizzeria. "Nothing went wrong, well not with you at least...I left because I had, to, my mom's nephew killed himself. My aunt was out of her mind, her husband started beating her, before finally leaving her for dead. We had to go up and stay with her, help her pull her life back together... I didn't want to leave you behind... but I had to. I'm sorry I'm an awful person, and I should have told you this sooner, but I couldn't... It hasn't been easy for me either" River said, holding back tears he carried on "You didn't do anything, it was never your fault... it was no ones fault but mine. I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye, it would have felt like forever, and I never thought I'd see you again once I heard your voicemail about how you'd moved on, and Jed and everything... I never brought myself to listen to another after that. I couldn't answer the phone, it was too painful to hear your voice. It was selfish of me I know. I wrote you so many letters, but I'd loose my nerve and could never bring myself to send you them. " He added, tears making tracks down his face by this point. "I loved you, you were everything to me... and you know that, and I'm sorry for everything I've put you through. It was selfish. And, I hate myself more than I ever thought I would right now. I'm sorry for everything... I really am" River continued, his vision blurring from the tears. He furiously scratched at his eyes and face, and stared at the road ahead. At times going over the speed limit of the road. He just wanted to get out of the car. He felt so awful. When they finally reached Wyngs house he killed the engine, but didn't move. Not an inch.