Severus flinched as the boy sitting next to him at the Slytherin table accidentally brushed up against him. His whole body froze until he seemed to be nothing more then a statue. Severus had to school his features into his trademark blank mask in order to not show a single emotion or reaction. It took so long to push away the wall of memories and expectations that the contact brought. Severus wanted nothing more then to leave the table and retreat to his dorm to read and forget the summer ever happened. Severus sighed. Only one more summer did he have to return to that hell. He let that thought sooth his fearful mind. The only thing that made him cringe internally was the thought that he had to return to Spinner's End for the holidays this year. So they could burry his mother. It was the one thing he hated most of all. Feeling the pain of her loss all too deeply again Severus looked down at his plate. Unaware for the moment that he was being watched.<br/><br/>The flow of conversation around him at the table was like a soothing balm for the constant screaming or endless silence. This noise level was almost normal. Made him feel like he was almost normal. He let his eyes close and forced his body to relax the rigid posture he was now holding. It eased the pain that filled his body. This year was worse. Without his mother to mitigate some of his father's far worse binges had left Severus at the man's mercy in a way he'd never imagined possible. He had thought it had been bad before. Now. Now it was so much worse. He could barely move from the pain on his body.<br/><br/>Taking his fork again he took one bite and slowly chewed his food meticulously. Forcing himself to eat slowly. Forcing every instinct inside him that screamed to devour the food as quickly as he could. How many years had he had to be careful how he ate when he returned to Hogwarts. The long patches of starvation and hunger had left him with a firm understanding that eating too fast or too much when food was readily available after long absences of regular meals was a sure way to make himself ill. Focused as he was on his meal and keeping every piece of skin covered so no one would see the bruises, contusions, lacerations and scars that marred his flesh, he didn't notice that Lucius Malfoy was watching him with dark silver eyes. Lucius was one year ahead of Severus and had been his friend since Severus's first year.<br/><br/>"You are withdrawn and skittish Severus," Lucius commented from next to Severus. Far too close for comfort. Severus jumped at the sound of the voice so close to his ear that he flinched away causing pain to flair through his side until he felt his breath hitch and his heart pound furiously.<br/><br/>"Your point Lucius?" Severus demanded with one raised eyebrow. A flush of colour surfaced his cheeks from embarrassment at being caught reacting to him.<br/><br/>"I have not seen you all summer," Lucius continued. Severus frowned deeply at his friend. He knew this fact himself, seeing as his father had refused to allow Severus to leave the house at all this summer.<br/><br/>"I am well aware of this fact," Severus responded darkly. Glaring intently at the older boy.<br/><br/>"What happened? My father sent two owls requesting your presence at the Manor. He did not take being ignored well Severus. He is not a man who enjoys being insulted," Lucius went on. Severus sighed.<span style="font-style: italic">Yes because it's all about what Lord Malfoy likes,</span>Severus thought darkly.<br/><br/>"What do you think!" Severus growled out. Not in the mood to go over this with Lucius of all people. Angry and frustrated Severus felt his heart pound even harder in his chest. The walls seemed to be constricting around him as the memories from the summer rose to claim him. He tried to fight them. Tried to push them behind the shields he'd been working on forming. He shivered as he saw that day float through his mind like an anvil. Slamming straight into his gut.<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #FFBF00;background:#FFBF00;"/></div><br/><div style="text-align: center;">MEMORY FLASHBACK</div><br/><br/><span style="font-style: italic">Severus was sitting on the edge of the bed his hand holding a skeletally thin female hand clutched tightly between the two of his. Tears stained his cheeks as he watched the rise and fall of the tiny chest beneath the heavy blanket. Growing weaker and weaker with each second that passed. Torn and lost. Severus watched as the one person in his life that had always been there. Always loved him and attempted to shelter him. His mother. Slowly left him alone in this world. He wanted to scream and rail and curse at everyone and everything. If only they had the finances to get her the medical care she had needed months ago. <br/><br/>One more breath was drawn in. Severus felt his own breath catch as he slowly watched her chest fall. A long moment passed. Another. Nothing happened. No. His mind screamed and fresh tears fell. No. It had come. The time he'd dreaded since he'd come home to find her bedridden and ailing. Dying. She was so still. He knew she was gone and as he held her hand he wept harder. His soft voice broke as he murmured so softly he didn't think anyone could hear him, "please mom don't leave me."<br/><br/>"So the bitch is finally dead?" The cold uncaring and slightly slurred voice of Tobias Snape filled the room. Like the boom of thunder startling Severus and causing him to spin around and glare with such open anger and hatred at the man.<br/><br/>"Don't. You. Dare. Call. Her. That!" Severus growled out each word through clenched teeth. Each word hissed out. He could see the anger and hatred growing in his drunk father's gaze. The last word had barely left his mouth and Severus was on his feet facing his father. He didn't even realized he'd stood up. His fists clenched and his teeth bared. Until the first hit fell across his face. Splitting his lip and sending him flying until he hit the wall.</span><br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: #FFBF00;background:#FFBF00;"/></div><br/><br/>Severus had to push the memory bodily away. Rising quickly from the table as panic and grief set in. He needed to get out of here. He needed to get somewhere quiet. He needed to be alone. He needed space. Distance. His breathing ragged he barely caught Lucius's next words.<br/><br/>"Severus what is going on?" Lucius asked concern evident in his tone. He reached out and grabbed Severus's wrist halting his steps. Preventing him from rising completely from the table. Everything happened so quickly that neither of the boys, sixteen and seventeen respectively, would fully remember what had happened in days to come.<br/><br/>"Don't TOUCH me!" Severus hissed in a deadly low and cold voice. His face turning to stone. His eyes narrowing darkly.<br/><br/>"Severus?" Lucius began slowly letting him go, as soon as Lucius released Severus's hand the other hissed out.<br/><br/>"Leave me alone Lucius, just leave me alone!" Severus growled and took off. His walk quick and gliding as it took him out of the Great Hall quickly. Not daring to breath fully until he stood in the entrance hall. Slowing his steps until he was walking casually. Severus focused on his breathing slowly and steadily until he felt a modicum of calm again.