Victor stared at Mathias completely taken aback by that question. He could feel his face turn a light shade of red and a lump formed in his throat, much to his relief both had been brief, suddenly the entire room seemed to close in on him and he felt claustrophobic. Wondering what brought it up his brow furrowed as he was deep in thought, trying to come up with an answer to that, his mouth opened slowly and closed again. Everything he had said made sense and he couldnâ€™t help but wonder why he hadnâ€™t pushed him away when he had been kissed. He shouldnâ€™t tolerate a client coming onto him his father would murder him but why had he done so? To be honest he really was not sure how to answer and merely stared blankly at the young man once he came to that realization.<br/><br/>He suddenly felt compelled to submerge himself in the warmth of hot tub water and disappear rather than answer that question.<br/><br/>â€œWellâ€¦ Iâ€¦ I really donâ€™t know.â€ His voice came out in a quiet, muttered breath and he was unable to meet Mathiasâ€™s eye any longer. â€œWould you rather I did get mad at you for doing something like that?â€ No matter what he did he couldnâ€™t find anything more to say. Honestly he didnâ€™t want to think about it too much otherwise he really would get mad at it. Knowing what his father would do to him once he found out, assuming he would, both terrified him and made him a little frustrated. He pictured his father glowering at him while he shouted. Then there would be pain, the hand that has struck him across the face numerous times would come, followed by the screams of his mother begging him to stop. It was a mental image he couldnâ€™t help but shudder at, feeling himself actually sink into the water slightly.<br/><br/>This was really taking some thinking. Victor looked at the door, to the lifeguard, then to the water, feeling his heart hammering in his chest to the point where he heard it pounding in his ears. He was still unable to look at Mathias and merely looked around to try to avoid his gaze any way he could. Then he gazed at the water again. A small part of him wanted to just run away rather than find an answer to his question. Suddenly the hot tub really didnâ€™t seem appealing anymore. He was a little embarrassed about this, needless to say. The shade of red on his face seemed to darken a little though he was trying to hide it, to think of something to make it go away. It seemed more futile with every effort he made to clear his mind and try to change the subject somehow.<br/><br/>Finally mustering the courage to look at Mathias, â€œWhy do you ask?â€ He inquired softly; his voice was barely there when he spoke. â€œI Meanâ€¦ is.. is it really important? Erâ€¦ well, I can see why it would be important. Maybe I shouldnâ€™t have allowed you to kiss me, it was strange.â€ Pausing he buried his face in his hands for a moment and took a deep sigh trying to keep himself together or else lose what courage to speak he had. â€œI really couldnâ€™t stop myself from letting you as much as I knew that it would only get me into trouble."