<span style="color: #FF80FF"> <span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="font-size: 150%; line-height: 116%;"><div style="text-align: center;">Lea Stevens</div></span></span> </span><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><a class="postlink" href="http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn24/SociallyToxicBeauty/036e0d3a-b28c-47ec-b858-0eaea6c67e4d.jpg">[ img ]</a></div><br/><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="font-size: 150%; line-height: 116%;"><span style="color: #FF80FF"><div style="text-align: center;">"Jazz"</div></span></span></span><br/><br/>Carlos' words offered her the comfort she needed. He was right, she hated being a user, hated that she turned to booze and drugs to cover up the hurt. It was a stupid way to handle it, but once it had started she had a difficult time stopping it no matter how much she wanted to. He placed his hand on her arm and she looked up,<span style="font-style: italic">"...Don't you think that our love should be strong enough to deal with your problems?" </span><br/><br/>She wasn't sure. She couldn't honestly answer that question either way. It hadn't been strong enough for her to give him a chance to begin with. It hadn't been strong enough for him to stay the first time. Then again, they both had been in their own worlds of denial. He had come back, he had found her--even if it was purely by accident. Without her desire, all her love for him had come rushing back full force, even as she tried to escape him. She had ended up calling him, hadn't she? She had managed for once in her life to put aside her pride and called him for his help, had admitted she couldn't do it alone. That had to mean something, right?<br/><br/>She decided to halt all of her thoughts because she couldn't catch a single one to stay on. Instead she leaned forward, a hand coming up to caress Carlos' cheek softly--her lips pressed against his, though it was not desperate or angry like all their kisses before. It was simply a kiss, delicate and small--but it spoke in volumes of her feelings. It expressed every ounce of love she had for Carlos. She loved him dearly, to the point that is scared her, to the point where she wondered if it would one day outweigh her love for John.<br/><br/>She realized though that it was a different type of love. John had been a clean love, a pure love. Their love had been soft and blooming, whereas her love for Carlos was more passionate, almost angry. There was a softness there, too, but it was still different. Lea hadn't needed John to protect her, she hadn't needed John to do anything for her. His quiet stability had always been enough, it was easy to fall in love with him--easy to admit to her love for him. Carlos, she had denied herself for years. She always told herself that he would just hurt her, that she was too broken of a woman to pursue any other relationships, that she didn't really love him--that she had only been afraid of being alone. But she knew what loneliness was, had been alone for a while. She hadn't been afraid of being alone again until Carlos walked back into her life.<br/><br/>It was then that she realized she wasn't afraid of being alone...she was just afraid of being without Carlos. Their love was angry and desperate, but she knew with time that it would clean itself up if given the chance. She knew it would never be as pure and innocent as the love she had for John, but how could anyone compete with a ghost? John still haunted her dreams, but sometimes his face would be replaced with Carlos'. She held a torch burning brightly in her mind for her family, but it was never going to bring them back. She needed to move on, she knew that. She had been moving on prior to killing that boy, so why shouldn't she be able to again? She had been so close to finally giving into Carlos before that day, giving into her desires and her heart...why shouldn't she try to heal again?<br/><br/>She pulled away from Carlos some, her lips still hovering near his,<span style="color: #FF80FF">"Yes..."</span>she finally answered. Yes, their love was strong enough to deal with her problems. It was strong enough to deal with Carlos', too. It was just a matter of letting it be strong enough.