Why did it seem the only time Miranda remembered anything about the last 10 years was when she was very emotional?  She had released some of the feelings she was having about everything and she didn’t want to tell him about the baby because she knew he would be upset with her.  She could just hear it now, he would be yelling at her like he always did when she did something stupid.<br/><br/>Brettly was being so gentle with her right now and sometimes she wished he would stop keeping things from her and just tell her like it was.  So when he kissed her she kissed him back.  She knew that he didn’t want a divorce, but it was something she had been thinking about.  She didn’t want a divorce and never had but she needed time to think about things.  She had just learned to love two men, but sometime in the last 10 years she had fallen out of love with Thomas and given her life completely to Brettly she just couldn’t remember when.<br/><br/>Miranda moved a little out of Brettly’s arms and moved back a little and when she was over by the bed she reached up and grabbed a piece of paper.  “I found this in my side table drawer.”  She said as she handed him the letter she received from the doctor’s office. “This arrived two days before I was supposed to leave; I had been keeping it secret for months.”  Miranda sighed and continued,   “I felt so bad because I couldn’t give you a baby I wanted to try again one last time, but I knew you would tell me that it wasn’t the risk because the last miscarriage about killed me.”<br/><br/>Miranda was finally being honest with Brettly about the baby, “I was so happy when I received the letter and I wanted to wait until I was farther along than 3 months to tell you because I didn’t want to get your hopes up.  When I got my orders to leave I tried really hard to fight them and tell them I couldn’t take the job, but they wouldn’t let me because I was the only one qualified to take this mission.”  Miranda was trying really hard not to cry as she explained, “It was suppose to be a routine mission, but the one thing I had to do was make you believe that I left you.  You have to believe me that I never wanted to leave you, I dealt with you treating me like shit for many years, and I was finally happy so it was the last thing I wanted to do.”  Miranda knew she should stop with the story, but she wanted to be totally honest with him.  “It was supposed to be a easy mark, but I ended up having to get in deeper and deeper until the worse happened and that’s where we are today.”<br/><br/>Miranda sat there waiting for the shit to hit the fan and have him yell at her and that was fine with her she deserved it.  “I need help Brettly, I know I do.  But you need to realize that just because I am an emotional wreck, physically hurt, does not mean I am not a fragile porcelain doll.”  Miranda moved herself so she could pull herself up on the bed.  Brettly attempted to help her up on the bed, but she stopped him, “Stop, I am not helpless and you need to realize I have to learn to do things on my own.”<br/><br/>Miranda knew that she had to be able to do things so she would get stronger and she was not going to be able to do that if she was babied.  “I have already decided I am not going to go back to work, but I am not going to live as one of those well kept wives that go to all the charity functions.”  Miranda said with a smile, “I am thinking I need to go out with someone just for some ladies time.”  Miranda said with a smile, “Who is my friend right now?”