<span style="color: #FF80FF"> <span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="font-size: 150%; line-height: 116%;"><div style="text-align: center;">Lea Stevens</div></span></span> </span><br/><div style="text-align: center;"><a class="postlink" href="http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn24/SociallyToxicBeauty/036e0d3a-b28c-47ec-b858-0eaea6c67e4d.jpg">[ img ]</a></div><br/><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="font-size: 150%; line-height: 116%;"><span style="color: #FF80FF"><div style="text-align: center;">"Jazz"</div></span></span></span><br/><br/><span style="font-style: italic">"...I had planned to get out for some time, but I never found the courage to do it. But now with the chance to work with you it will be an easy decision. I am really looking forward to it..."</span><br/><br/>Lea's heart stopped for a moment, she was sure. Carlos going through his laundry list of partners explained a lot about the changes she could see in him. It was almost as if someone were in upper management purposefully fucking with him, and she wondered if that really could have been the case. Then again, she was extremely paranoid.<span style="color: #FF80FF"> "Going from a drunk to a drug addict isn't much of an improvement," </span>she stated with a small snort, though she couldn't stop the small smile that graced her face. It had made her feel good to hear that someone wanted to work with her, even more so because it was Carlos.<br/><br/>She leaned her head against the cold glass of the window, her eyes staring up at the cloudy sky. It was quiet for a few minutes, but a thought came to her mind.<span style="color: #FF80FF">"What if I can't quit?" </span>she asked worriedly. Somehow she felt like she knew the answer already. If she couldn't manage to get clean, Carlos wouldn't be able to stick around. She wouldn't want him to, either. Lea hoped that she could do it and she hoped that Carlos would stay, but she was worried that she wouldn't be able to quit--or if she did, what would happen to them if she somehow relapsed? There was no way that Carlos or she could handle that sort of disappointment emotionally.<br/><br/>Just thinking about it made her feel like she couldn't breathe and she sat up to put her face in her hands.<span style="color: #FF80FF">"I'm just going to disappoint you, Carlos! I disappoint everyone!" </span>she cried. Within only a few moments she had gone from pleased to scared out of her mind that she would only fuck things up.<span style="color: #FF80FF">"I'm just a whore! A stupid, pathetic whore!"</span>she was crying, though it'd likely taper off soon enough as she got a hold of her sanity.<span style="color: #FF80FF">"Even now! Even now!" </span>Lea just wanted to find a nice quiet place to do a line. The only thing stopping her was Carlos and him distracting her from the cravings--and it wasn't so much distracting her as just not allowing her to have the time to look for them.<br/><br/>Going to Dino's and later painting her ceiling would probably keep her busy all day until she passed out from exhaustion, but the activities probably wouldn't help with her random weeping sessions or her mood swings. At the moment though, all she felt was despair at the idea that she wouldn't succeed in this endeavor, that she would disappoint Carlos in the end, that she would be exactly where she was when Carlos had found her again.<br/><br/>Lea tried to stifling her crying as they pulled into the Dino's parking lot, doing her best to stop her tears. It was difficult and she kept trying to tell herself that she was ruining her makeup, but it still took a few minutes to calm down.<span style="color: #FF80FF">"I'm sorry...I'm sorry..."</span>she repeated as she pulled down the visor to look in the mirror and fix her makeup.<span style="color: #FF80FF">"I can't control myself," </span>Lea mumbled as she closed the visor back and looked over to Carlos.<span style="color: #FF80FF"> "I just feel like I'm scattered everywhere,"</span>she said with a frown, her eyes still glistening.