Blue eyes open reluctantly.  She can’t see anything.  She can feel her eyebrows furrow but everything in front of her is dark.  She lifts a hand to her face and something drops on her cheek, prompting a flinch away, except everything’s so heavy.  Her head barely moved.  She pokes around her face gingerly and fingers brush against something cool.  She lifts the item and peers at it.  Slowly, ever so slowly, her eyes focus and she can make out the vague shape of.. a Faith?  Why is her Faith in her hand?  She lets her hand, and the Faith it’s holding, rest on her forehead.  She’s tired, but it feels too much like this bed is trying to swallow her.<br/><br/><span style="font-style: italic">Burning arms wrap around her and whisper in her ear: It’s okay.</span><br/><br/>The memory is enough to have her shooting out of bed, pushing against the heavy covers that seem like the weight of countless stares.  Her arms are weak, her entire body is weak.  Nonetheless, she stumbles out of bed and then looks around her in confusion.  She already suspected but.. where is she?  This too large room is definitely not hers, nor Adair’s, nor Valiar’s.  Leia’s sleeping in a chaise lounge to the side and she feels herself frown.  Pregnant women should not be sleeping in chaise lounges.  Is she at Leia’s house?<br/><br/>She pads out of this way too large room into a dark hallway.  Left. Right.  She meanders down one side with no destination in mind.  She can make out the vague outlines of picture frames but luckily there are no accusing stares.  Nevertheless, she huddles in closer to herself and hurries past them.  She’s so focused on the walls around her she doesn’t watch the ground around her and suddenly there’s nothing under her foot and she’s falling—<br/><br/>She sees purple eyes and then she impacts into something hard.<br/><br/><div style="text-align: center;">~~~</div><br/>The dark of night had been unkind. Guilford tried and tried but repeatedly failed at catching the ever elusive sleep. His mind was restless, it was nearing--what day was it again? They’d all been a blur ever since the fight with Luciano, ever since Lethe fell unconscious and didn’t wake up.  He stared at the ceiling above him fruitlessly.  He was getting impatient, but mostly he was worried.  He knew enough about Divine Magic, he used it for his own Providence after all, to know how dangerous it was.  For Lethe to have channeled so much of it so freely.. Guilford sat up, running a hand uselessly through his hair.  There was no way he’d fall asleep with these thoughts in his mind.  Maybe he could just check on her, make sure she was okay.<br/><br/>He left his room and made his way towards the master bedroom.  This being his house, he was familiar enough with the layout to move about safely, even with minimal lighting. He found his way to the stairs and took the steps with little caution, making his way up to the third floor.  He looked around curiously, frowning when he saw a blur of white.  Who would—his eyes widened in recognition and he ran up the remaining stairs, getting there just in time to stop Lethe before she fell down who knew how many stairs.<br/><div style="text-align: center;">~~~</div><br/><br/>Lethe stared at the long, long drop she’d just avoided.  Something lifted her off whatever she’d been leaning on and then she was back on solid ground, staring at a white shirt.  She followed the shirt upwards and found worried eyes staring at her.  Guilford.  He opened his mouth:<span style="color: #0080FF">“Why did you kill Bryn?”</span><br/><br/><span style="color: #0080FF">“Welcome back.”</span>He smiled at the surprised looking woman in his arms and pulled her closer.  Thank the Light she had woken up.  Feeling how stiff she was, he reluctantly loosened his arms when hands suddenly shoved at him.  He stepped back in surprise.  What?  Lethe had fallen back to the ground and she was staring at him in horror.  He took a step forward, but paused when she tried to scramble away.<span style="color: #0080FF">“It’s me Lethe, Gil.”</span><br/><br/>Why wouldn’t her legs work properly?  She pushed against the ground uselessly but she couldn’t get away.  Something cut against her palm, caught between her hand and the too cold ground.  Why was it so cold?  Phantom hands were reaching at her, trying to pull her down and it was so cold and Guilford was leaning over her accusingly.  The words echoed in her ears.<span style="color: #0080FF">Why did you kill Bryn? Why did you kill Bryn?</span><br/><br/>Guilford slowly raised his hands in surrender, eyes flickering over the terrified woman in front of him.<span style="color: #0080FF">“I’m not going to hurt you Lethe, calm down.”</span>His words didn’t seem to help.  If anything, they seemed to make it worse with the way she was cowering away from him.  Her lips moved but he couldn’t hear what she was saying from here.<br/><br/><span style="color: silver">“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I should have died instead. I’m sorry.”</span>Lethe whispered frantically, trying to get away from the accusations.  She was so cold and everyone was screaming at her.  Why didn’t you save me!<br/><br/>Realizing his attempts were futile, Guilford quickly ran through his options.  There was clearly no way she was going to calm down with words.  What was it that always calmed her down?  Guilford wracked his mind for the one thing Lethe really found comfort in.  That’s it! The Light!  He slowly walked towards her and wrapped his arms around her, ignoring the way she froze immediately.<span style="color: #0080FF">“Shh, it’s going to be okay. You’re safe.  I won’t hurt you; I won’t let anyone hurt you.”</span>Guilford gently forced Lethe to look him in the eyes.  When he was certain she was looking at him, he said firmly,<span style="color: #0080FF">“There’s nothing to be sorry for Lethe.  You haven’t done anything wrong.”</span><br/><br/>Arms locked around her and all she could remember was<span style="font-style: italic">Invidia will always..</span>, but then it was warm.  Not the burning heat that had tried to devour her when Younger her wrapped her arms around her, but a peaceful warmth.  The hands that had grabbed at her stopped trying to grab at her and the cold that seeped in was slowly pushed back by the warm light that suddenly surrounded her.  Her taunt body relaxed as her nightmares were forced away.  Then something was turning her head and all she could see were familiar purple eyes.  When Gil opened his mouth, for once it wasn’t an accusation that fell from his lips:<span style="color: #0080FF">“There’s nothing to be sorry for Lethe.  You haven’t done anything wrong.”</span><br/><br/>Guilford lifted his hand and softly wiped away the tear that had tracked its way down her cheek.<span style="color: silver"> “I’m sorry.”</span>She repeated and they were seventeen again, the newbies on Captain Abel’s squad, and this was the first time she was crying in front of him, and he still had no idea what to do when a woman cried, at least not this one.<span style="color: #0080FF">“It’s okay.”</span>He smiled helplessly,<span style="color: #0080FF">“You had me really worried there.”</span><br/><br/>Lethe sniffed but didn’t dare look away from the suddenly not-accusing eyes, because Gil didn’t hate her, at least right now, and that was good enough.<span style="color: silver"> “I’m sorry.”</span>She let Gil lead her back to her feet even as he asked,<span style="color: #0080FF">“Can you stand? The floor is pretty cold.”</span>She nodded her head but refused to let go of him, of the warm Light that he was shrouded in.<br/><br/>Now standing, Guilford ruffled her still lavender hair (and had he ever gotten the story for that?) and repeated,<span style="color: #0080FF">“I told you, it’s okay.”</span>Seeing she seemed to be physically okay, he started down towards the kitchen.  He paused at the stairs, remembering what had happened the last time she’d tried to go down them.  With a huff of amusement, he lifted Lethe into his arms and carried her down the stairs.  Uncharacteristically, she didn’t make a comment in response; it was a small but sobering reminder she wasn’t entirely okay.  They made it to the kitchen without any interruptions, to his surprise.  With how much holy magic he was putting off, he was surprised no one had noticed.  Although, he also wouldn’t be surprised if someone had seen them and left them to their privacy.  When he got her on one of the kitchen chairs, he found a small snag in his plan.  She wasn’t letting go.<br/><br/>Blue eyes gazed around the familiar room.  She recognized this place.  She had snuck in here once only for an exasperated Corwin to shoo her back out.  When Gil suddenly spoke, she turned her attention back to the other Seraph:<span style="color: #0080FF">“I’m way better with the sword than utensils, but I know how to make an awesome sandwich.”</span>Okay..?<br/><br/>Guilford smiled helplessly at the large blue eyes staring up at him.<span style="color: #0080FF">“Shall we make your sandwich together?”</span>She was gnawing on her lips again, trying to decide what answer would be appropriate.  If she was even thinking about it, she probably didn’t want to let go.  He lifted her back up to her feet and the two hobbled over to the pantry.  Even with his other arm serving as a clinging post, Guilford skillfully used the other to bring out a loaf of bread, the finest Corwin always picked up. He knew what<span style="font-style: italic">his</span>sandwich would be but he didn't want to force that on Lethe. He opened a cupboard that contained an assortment of spreads and looked at Lethe.<span style="color: #0080FF">"Are you feeling creative? Or do you trust me enough with your sandwich?"</span><br/><br/><span style="color: silver">“Orange marmalade please.  And tea?”</span><br/><br/><span style="color: #0080FF">"You got it."</span>Guilford then picked up a sharper knife than the usual bread knife. He didn't have the luxury of using his other arm so he would swing this one like a sword to cut the loaf. Good thing he was an expert with blades! He made a clean slice and plucked the orange marmalade spread but fidgeted, no way he's going to get that open with one hand, unless he planned to break it. Picking it up, he moved it closer to Lethe.<span style="color: #0080FF">"Help please?"</span>he smiled.<br/><br/>One hand let go of Gil’s arm and reached out to twist the cap off.  Placing it on the counter, she opened one of the drawers to find a butter knife.  She picked it up and spread the marmalade on the slice of bread, trying not to let it run away from her.  When she’d finally gotten the spread on the entire piece of bread, and half on the counter, she placed the knife down.  A snicker had her glancing up once more.<span style="color: silver"> “You try this one handed!”</span>She protested sulkily, nibbling on her bread petulantly.<br/><br/><span style="color: #0080FF">"Then it will be an absolute mess and Corwin will have my hide."</span>Guilford chuckled. The sandwich out of the way, it was time for tea. Moving over to a different part of the pantry, Guilford opened another cupboard, this time with an assortment of the finest tea leaves that Corwin, again, dutifully picked up.<span style="color: #0080FF">"Is Chamomile tea to your liking milady?"</span><br/><br/>The look on Lethe's face answered that quickly.  Again, she let go of his arm to peer at the cupboard, one hand still securely holding onto Gil.  Where was..  She lifted one box and brought it back to read it in the glow surrounding Gil.  Nope.  The reject went back in its previous spot and her next one was good enough.  At Gil's questioning look, she flushed in embarrassment.<span style="color: silver">"YunQiao introduced me to other teas..."</span><br/><br/>Guilford looked at the box of tea she picked up and then back to Lethe.<span style="color: #0080FF">"Chrysanthemum? YunQiao has refined taste in tea. Very well."</span>He smiled again and took the box from Lethe. He filled a tea pot with water and instead of heating it the conventional way, used non-holy magic to bring the water to a good temperature. Gil then prepared a cup for Lethe and cooled it first before making the tea. He could see her shooting him a glance every now and then, probably thinking she’d never seen this side of him until now. Moments later and her tea was ready. He took the cup with him and headed over to the long table, finding themselves a comfortable seat. She still showed no signs of letting go, so he let her sit in his lap.<br/><br/>Lethe peered around her curiously.  She’d seen more of this room today than in the ten years prior.  To accommodate her bread and her tea, she’d had to let go of Gil’s arm now that she was sitting in his lap.  They were silent as she finished her toast.  When her hands were only occupied with her still warm tea, Gil finally spoke up.<span style="color: #0080FF">“Feeling any better?”</span>She froze and looked over apprehensively.  He was smiling lightly at her, seemingly amused.  Her attention wandered back to the flowers floating at the bottom of her cup.  She squirmed awkwardly before finally replying.  “I’m sorry.”  Before he said anything else, she barreled on.  “I didn’t mean to kill Bryn.  I would have stopped it if I could have.”  Her voice trailed to a whisper, her cup of tea a frail shield between her and the accusations that would undoubtedly come next.<br/><br/>Guilford was more surprised to know that Lethe was actually beating herself up over it. The death of Bryn, was nobody's fault. Things were out of hand and no amount of what if's could ever bring her back. But that doesn't mean someone has to take the blame, Bryn... died in her own terms.<span style="color: #0080FF">"Is that the reason you've been so distant? I only have one thing to say Lethe, it's nobody's fault."</span><br/><br/>She didn’t seem to hear him if the way she kept babbling was any indication.<span style="color: silver"> “I’m sorry. I took away your happiness.”</span>She remembered the picture of the two of them, hands intertwined, and she winced, huddling closer to her cup of tea.<span style="color: silver">“You and Bryn could be married by now.  If I hadn’t..”</span>Suddenly this room seemed too small.  The cup in her hands was dead weight and something was clenching over the back of her neck and.. no, she wouldn’t scream. This wasn’t about her.  This was about Gil and how she’d taken away his happy ending and ruined it. (just like she ruined everything..)  The words kept repeating, over and over again:<span style="color: silver">I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I ruined your happy ending.</span>And oh Lights, she should have just..<span style="color: silver"> “I should have just died instead.”</span>She realized, finally verbalizing the knowledge she’d been running away from since she was ten.<span style="font-style: italic">I should have died instead.</span>It all made sense now.  She’d just been too cowardly to realize it before.  Suddenly black wasn’t overtaking her vision and the world made sense.  She turned a relieved smile to Gil, glad that everything finally made sense.<br/><br/>There was nothing he could do but listen. Guilford finally understood her burden, her fears, her true heart. It saddened him, knowing what she carried in her conscience. It made him want to simply wrap her in his arms, but he knew that wouldn't do her any good. No words came, even when the need for them was quickly spiraling into desperation. Nothing he could say would change her mind, but there was something he could do. Guilford took a deep breath, letting go of his ties to duty. Now he understood the words said to him by the Mayor of Jenault. Lethe needed strength to keep her among the living; he would be her strength. Not tomorrow, not a second later, but right now. He slowly reached out for her, pulling her face gently to look her in the eyes and held her just strong enough so she couldn't look away. He leaned in ever so slowly, stopping just before his lips touched hers, cold feet? No, a moment's hesitation could mean the whole world to him. He pressed forward, sealing her lips with his own.<br/><br/>She stared at resolute purple eyes, unable to comprehend what was going on.  He.. what.. why?<span style="font-style: italic">I’m not Bryn…</span>The thought echoed in her head, but she couldn’t speak them.  Gil’s lips were still on hers.  He finally drew away and she opened her mouth to say—but he spoke first.<br/><br/><span style="color: #0080FF">" You got me all wrong. I care for Bryn, just about as much as any Captain or a friend would. My heart is yours Lethe, and so is my life. This is what I truly feel..."</span><br/><br/>And then she was crying and she didn’t care it was weird he’d just kissed her because.<span style="color: silver"> “No.. no..”</span>She denied, her hands coming up to cover her head because even though she promised she wouldn’t hide her eyes, she couldn’t help herself because,<span style="color: silver">“I don’t want you to die, Gil.”</span>Because she was an Invidia and Invidias only brought pain to this world and all those eyes were staring at her accusingly, all those people she had killed and no, she couldn’t bear it if Gil was up there too.<span style="color: silver"> “No, Gil.  I can’t stand it if I killed you too.”</span>