This whole war was just…wrong. On so many levels it was wrong and she wanted nothing more than to just give up and run from it. Take Jared and leave this all behind them, to live in a place where it could be them and their baby. It was a dream that she knew could never be, which is why she supposed it was a dream.<br/><br/>The overhead lights were harsh in the moment of it all, they brought about her own headache that she knew was nothing in comparison to what Jared suffered with. Part of it had to do with what he had just gone through and the other part had to do with what he was now. Not quite human, but human enough to regret actions caused by the more animal side. When he stopped she was right at his side, hand on his back which she rubbed in gentle circles. There were no words for this moment; at least none that she felt was appropriate there in the hall. Words of love, devotion and promise; no those words were better left to be said when they were alone.  When there was less chance of someone to happen upon them. Where she could profess her love for him and then cry about the fact that she could not be completely honest with him.<br/><br/>Cry for the lies she was forced to tell him; forced to tell them all.<br/><br/>At his question she frowned, “Let’s get to our room and talk there. Ok?”<br/><br/><span style="color: #FF4000"><span style="font-weight: bold">Though she might have not meant to, her tone and words were enough for Jared know something was indeed wrong with him... or perhaps he was over thinking it. His head reeled again and he stifled a groan of discomfort before heaving himself away from the wall like he weighed as much as a lead statue. He did not say anything, just giving a small nod before shuffling heavily down the hall with his thoughts slowly unraveling.<br/><br/>… Jared was not sure when or how it happened but next thing he was remembering was snarling at a poor engineer that he had pinned against the wall. He vaguely recalled the man bumping into them... or was it just giving them a greeting as they went by? It did not matter to the beast as it wanted that trembling man's blood but Veronica was able to wake Jared up and he let the engineer go. The inner beast clawed painfully at his chest as the phantom taste of blood filled his mouth, tempting him even as Jared wrestled it back under control.<br/><br/>He was quietly for a long time, his breathing heavy and pained, before starting off to the room again with uneasy slowness. As they drew closer, he looked at Veronica with tears straining at his eyes as labored words quietly left his mouth, “Are you two really safe?”.</span></span><br/><br/>Perhaps she underestimated the state of his mind as he lashed out at one of their friends, a man they had shared meals with on numerous occasions. She would never lie and say she as not afraid of this side and felt more than ever that something had to be done. Something had to be done before he lost it completely. If he went too far, if the beast took too strong a hold, she was not sure if he would ever come back.<br/><br/>Their journey continued, but he paused just shy of their door. “Of course we are. We are as safe as any other place in the universe. You’re here to protect us, right?” the words meant to assure and encourage as she urged him the last few steps to their door. One inside she had the auto lights dimmed before she helped him to the couch then went to fetch him a glass of cold water along with some meds to try and help his pain.<br/><br/>“Here,” she said as she offered the glass and the meds. “These should help.”<br/><br/><span style="color: #FF4000"><span style="font-weight: bold"> Jared gratefully took the meds and water, downing them as soon as they were in hand before collapsing back into the couch. It probably was not healthy taking so many meds and painkillers one after another but the pain was so great. He steadied his breathing and pretended that the pain had lessened, in an attempt to convince Veronica as well as himself that he was getting better. The beast within seemed to settle down now that it was in its territory.<br/><br/>He looked to his fiance' and held out his hand to her, just wanting to hold her close at that moment to try and comfort her... try and convince both of them he was still the man that loved her and not the beast that scared her. “I'm sorry,” He said softly, “I... haven't been feeling like myself lately. Maybe it's just stress... I never thought I would be a father and with the recent attacks...” It was his flimsy way of trying to comfort her now. It was partially true as there had been more attacks than usual and the likelihood of parenthood in that day and age (especially for modified pilot and unmodified mate) was extremely low... He also tried to bring himself to believe this truth fully as the alternative was not as pleasant.</span></span><br/><br/>As beckoned, she went to him, it was easy enough to slide into the spot beside him and rest her body against his own.  Head on his chest, her ear pressed against his chest she could hear the rapid beating of his heart. The speed with which only furthered to worry her about his condition and what would happen to him in the long run. Still, she knew better than to voice these concerns, let alone let them show on her face. Today had been a rough day, for everyone. So many had died today, so much blood had been shed and for what?<br/><br/>Sometimes it did not seem like much of anything. Hell, if it were not for Jared she was not sure where she would have ended up. Jared and this child were the only things in this world that really mattered to her anymore. For them she would continue to pretend, for them she would fight the good fight. Though she was no longer sure just what the good fight was anymore.<br/><br/>“I know, baby,” she whispered to him. “I know. Today was not good for anyone.”<br/><br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: Darkblue;background:Darkblue;"/></div><br/><br/>The words stung deep and it took what little composer Angela had left to not break down right then and there.<br/><br/>Instead she took a slow deep breath, rolled her neck and leveled a gaze at him, “Can we talk about this somewhere else?” It was more of an insistence than a request and if he refused she was just about through with him. If he wanted to snap at her and not bother to hear her side of the story, then he might as well be dead again to her.<br/><br/><span style="color: #FF8000"><span style="font-weight: bold">Jon closed his eyes and took a slow breath himself at her request, when his eyes opened again the sharpness in them had all but disappeared. “That would probably be best,” he replied with a softer, possibly sorrowful tone. He gave a small gesture for her to lead on to where they would talk.<br/><br/>It was an uncomfortably quiet journey, their rough parting and meeting once again hovering over them like a sickening storm cloud. When they got to where they could talk in relative privacy, the cloud followed them in to strangle the air around them. Jon forced words from his mouth in hopes of taking steps towards easing the tension. “Perhaps it would be better if you went first.”</span></span><br/><br/>A currently unoccupied cargohold was the destination and Angela could not stop herself from pacing a bit when they first got there. Even with his suggestion that she go first, she had to pace a bit, to release a bit of tension before she actually spoke to him.<br/><br/>“I wrote you,” she finally said. “It took a bit, because I thought you were an ass for leaving me, but I did write you,” she sighed. “You never wrote me back!” she snapped, her voice rumbled in a growl as the lion DNA reared its head.<br/><br/><span style="color: #FF8000"><span style="font-weight: bold"> Jared didn't shrink back or flinch when she snapped and growled at him, he had to deal with the lioness as much as the woman... also the fact she was calling him an ass for leaving angered him a bit. He had had his orders and asked her to come with him but she refused. She was just as much at fault as he was for their separation or that is at least how he saw it. Her words bit into that sour note of their relationship... former relationship he reminded himself and his anger and bitterness welled up again.<br/><br/>“I left you?!” He snapped back, “I was transferred and asked you to come with me! You didn't even bother to see my depart.” Part of him realized they were right back to where they had left off but that was not the part that was being heard. He met her glare right back with his own knowing full well that showing any weakness now would undermine anything he said to her.</span></span><br/><br/>There it was again, that same fucking argument and Angela was not in the mood for it at all. “IT’S ALWAYS ABOUT YOU! YOU AND YOUR FUCKING ORDERS! WHAT ABOUT MY ORDERS? MY COMMITMENT TO THIS SHIP AND MY CREW? YOU NEVER FUCKING EVEN CONSIDERED THAT! YOU JUST WANTED ME GONE SO THAT I WOULD BE SAFE! BUT HOW FUCKING SAFE WERE YOU HUH? OUT THERE ON THAT OTHER FUCKING SHIP! DO YOU THINK THAT IF I HAD GONE WITH YOU I WOULD STILL BE ALIVE?”<br/><br/>Now she roared, her anger burned hot and primal. The lioness wanted to rip out his throat about just as much as the woman wanted to slap him, perhaps more so with how pissed she felt right now. The nerve of him to put this blame on her, to make it all seem like her fault and as if he had nothing to do with anything.<br/><br/><span style="color: #FF8000"><span style="font-weight: bold"> “YOU THINK I WANTED TO LEAVE?! THIS SHIP IS MY HOME! I WORKED MY ASS OFF TO KEEP HER FLYING! YOU THINK I FELT SAFE GOING TO ANOTHER SHIP? THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS FUCKING 'SAFE' OUT HERE! WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IN MY PLACE? IGNORED YOUR  ORDERS? CAUSE NO AMOUNT OF PAPER WORK I DID CERTAINLY CHANGED ANYTHING!”<br/><br/>Jon wanted to lash out now almost as much as she did. Both with just unloading layers of guilt and anger upon the other fanning the flames higher with neither caring if they reduced to ash. He held back though as he knew she outclassed him with her enhancements and the only way to get her was to catch her off guard. Instead he resolved to use her weight against her and throw her as far/hard as he could if she lunged for him... after that he really did not think much further. </span></span><br/><br/>No matter how much she wanted to hit him, she reframed, no matter how much she wanted to hurt him and see him bleed she held herself in check.  At least when it came to his face, instead she paced away and punched the side of a crate. The sturdy metal dented though her knuckles were bloody from the impact. A fresh wave of pain was the final straw of her rage and it just dwindled from there. “I wanted a life with you. Marriage, children (if I could even have any), you know the whole thing. You left and it just…” she sighed and punched the side of the crate again though it held no fury to it. Instead it was as defeated as she felt at that moment.  “All I wanted was you and then it was over…” she whispered into the silence that followed.<br/><br/><span style="color: #FF8000"><span style="font-weight: bold">Jon's rage held for a second or two longer before events finally caught up to him and he relaxed. He was surprised she had not gone for him to vent her anger... and he had to admit part of him wanted her to hurt him in retribution for what had happened. Instead a poor crate took his place in the line of fire and felt her wrath as he stood there in silence, listening to her words.<br/><br/>When she went silent, Jon stood there in a sort of neutral expression before casting a glance slightly downward and walking away... only to get a first aid kit off the wall and go over to Angela. He worked without a sound, opening the kit, getting a small bandage, gently taking her injured hand, and beginning to wrap it. <br/><br/>“All I wanted was you too.” He said quietly as he worked, keeping his focus on her hand, “I did not want to leave you behind... Marriage always seemed so far away but  I knew I did not want to be away from you. Maybe I was thinking too much with my head and not enough with my heart trying to fix things...” He finished bandaging her hand but kept it in his as he looked up at her face again. He searched for words for a second or two before giving up and simply asking her, “Does that feel better?”</span></span><br/><br/>Numbness set in as he bandaged her hand, the pain already gone and in its place was the hurtful silence of the moment. “Why?” she asked instead of answering his question. “Why did you go? The Captain could have done something to get you to stay, but you didn’t try you just took your orders and left. Did you really want to get so far away from me?” she asked softly.<br/><br/>Prior to his orders their relationship had already been rocky. One could blame the stress of their world, mixed with the combatting genetics of her DNA. Either way, they had fought more and more the past couple of weeks before he finally left. Both too proud and stubborn to back down so it just never got resolved.<br/><br/><span style="color: #FF8000"><span style="font-weight: bold">“If there is a problem, I've got to fix it myself... and what could the Captain have done? We were not engaged or married and someone had pulled a lot of strings to get me off the Elyandra,” He responded though again showing his stubbornness and ability to over think situations. <br/><br/>“As for wanting to get away from you: I never got very far,” He said with a small smile forming as reached into the breast pocket of his destroyed jumpsuit... only to have his face suddenly drop to dread as he almost frantically checked the rest of his pockets (not realizing the item he was looking for was back on Rega's ship). Turning up nothing, he sighed heavily and facing at Angela with an apologetic look. “I guess I lost it in the fires... damn it... I had the picture from our date after your last birthday... had it on me everyday I was on that cursed ship. Took it out whenever I needed to see your smile to give me some sense of sanity back... the rest of the time I just buried myself in work...”</span></span><br/><br/>She smiled, it was a small one but it was still a smile. “I remember that…” she whispered, as tears glistened in her eyes though they had yet to fall. “I have that picture in my room still…on the table by my bed…”<br/><br/>Another breath shuddered through her body before she finally took up the courage to look him in the eyes. “Where do we go from here?”<br/><br/><div><hr style="height:2px; width:100%; border:0; color: Darkblue;background:Darkblue;"/></div><br/><span style="color: #FF4040"><span style="font-weight: bold">"At least this place looks fine.." he mumbled to himself after noticing that the bridge deck was significantly less hectic than the lower decks.<br/><br/>Canaan seldom frequented this area of the ship; it was either too formal or too rich for his blood depending on his mood. The bridge deck contained mostly officer cabins and some less important facilities like viewing bays and mostly pleasure related ones. Although this was an ideal place to relax, most hours Canaan would rather waste away in the hangar while off duty. When on standby, he would be seen loitering around the mess hall or in the hangars helping the pit crews with maintenance duty. During downtime, he was mostly inside Anubis, or confined in his one-man cabin tinkering with his robotic parts.<br/><br/>The white-haired pilot walked the halls, noting the significant lessening of people moving about frantically. There were still quite a few huddled together, and then some passing by every now and then. Turning left at a hall intersection, Canaan traced his steps to the Captain's quarters. He knocked twice on the door, "Captain Troy, Canaan Frost to see you ma'am."</span></span><br/><br/>Captain Troy retreated to her quarters. There it was still silent and most knew better than to intrude on her without a good reason. The cup of hot chocolate that she had made had long since cooled and remained untouched. Everything had a bitter taste lately and the original idea had been to sit back, go over a couple of reports and then take some time to herself to relax; that had been the plan. Then the first report was opened and it contained nothing but the names of the dead. What had started initially as a crew of a thousand strong had slowly been whittled away to a scant four hundred. Each and every single one of them she knew.<br/><br/>They had families, friends and loved ones that expected them to return. Now, they were dead and for what? To fight against a group of psychos who thought they were right; a group that would sooner murder every single man woman and child than to go against some false prophet’s religious babble. At one point she just could not take it anymore. Could not take the countless reports from people that she cared about being dead and so she simply stopped. Now, she sat there at her desk face buried in her hands and she just tried to put herself somewhere else.<br/><br/>When the notification came there was someone at her door, along with whom it was she sighed and stood. “Enter,” she called out, her mug retrieved to heat up even if she did not expect to drink it. “What do I owe the pleasure of this visit, Mr. Frost?” she asked while she waited for her beverage to warm.<br/><br/><span style="color: #FF4040"><span style="font-weight: bold"> Canaan entered the Captain's Cabin, his posture and demeanor all that he could consider military. How hard could it be? All he has to do was to simply stand stiff, put on a straight face, and add sir or ma'am at the end of anything he says. Then again, Captain Troy was one of those Captains who exuded authority in a respectable yet almost uncomfortable way. Talking to her while pretending to be one of them military types would prove to be a mountain of a task. Easing into his natural posture, Canaan continued in.<br/><br/>A polite distance. He stopped in his tracks several paces away from Captain Troy, maintaining a respectful gap between him and her desk. She seemed to be in the process of fixing herself a warm drink. "It's about..." he hesitated, memory of how he got hold of the DA sanctioned against him resurfacing. Annie hacked into the ship's systems covertly and was monitoring its activities, thus relaying any information that she comes across with that she would deem beneficial to him. Surely Captain Troy would not appreciate the fact. "...a rumored Disciplinary Action against me." he picked the word 'rumored' wisely. "I've been hearing talk from the rumor mill that I got myself into trouble."</span></span><br/><br/>To say she did not like Frost would have been a lie; truth was she just did not care for the man who had this attitude about him. Almost like he had done them a favor when he joined their ranks, an attitude that Troy could hardly stomach let alone tolerate most of the time.<br/><br/>When he entered she stayed put, her posture casual and relaxed even if her gazed was hard. The hesitation before he spoke amused her and caused her brow to arch slightly as she listened to him explains the reason for his visit.<br/><br/>“The rumor mill?” she asked. “Or, more the report that I began to file on my desk but have not gotten around to sending off just yet?” the mug was retrieved, steam rose from the obviously hot contents as she strode back over to her desk where the mug was then set. “Which one do you think it is?”<br/><br/><span style="color: #FF4040"><span style="font-weight: bold">Should he come clean about how he got the info? Obviously she did not make it to Captain without good reason. Canaan sighed a heavy one, realizing that if he continued on with this charade, he would probably get himself into more trouble. The brig maybe? Nah. They can't afford to have a pilot missing out a sortie when and if those Children bastards decide to attack again. Now that the were down one more skilled pilot, they needed him and his mech functional for him to be sent to the brig, that much he knows. Perhaps an extended sanction? Canaan did not really care. All he knows is that it won't do them any good...all of them.<br/><br/>"Look Captain," he started slow, following the female with his eyes as she moved to her desk. "I'll give it to you straight. On what grounds was that DA based from? What good will it serve you and this ship that's already falling apart?" he met her hard gaze with his own. "I may not be knowledgeable when it comes to military stuff and how you do things but I do get that this is to maintain order." he continued, folding his arms above his chest. "Will that save us from the Children?" he asked her a tough question to answer. "Would having me go through the works guarantee victory in the battles that has yet to come?"<br/><br/>Canaan's expression began to soften, memories of a time long gone flooding his mind until he had the look of regret on his face. "Let's face it Captain, we're on the losing end." he stated the bitter fact. It did not take a military tactician to figure that one out. "I never had any intention of joining the military back in the day, and that still has not changed." he said softly. "Now I'm in one of their ships—your ship fighting for not just my own life but for the fate of mankind!" a scowl slightly formed on his features. "Don't you think that's crazy?" he asked her, not really expecting an answer. "I'm just a grease monkey turned test pilot for a mech corporation and now I'm..." he trailed off, gritting his teeth at the truth before him. "I'm not even sure anymore."</span></span><br/><br/>No emotion played across her face as she listened to his words, instead she allowed her hand to work steadily on the datapad that was ever present on her desk. Of course she knew he had a point, everyone felt that way more than once through this whole ordeal. It was crazy and maddening, not to mention frustrating on so many levels that one had to wonder what was the point? Why fight against something that felt so, inevitable?<br/><br/>By the time he was done, she had the data she wanted pulled up and with a flick of her wrist the information was projected out into the space between them. It was his file, complete with the information in regards to his military career.<br/><br/>“For one who claims to not be in the military your file says otherwise,” remark given while she continued to stir the beverage before her. “So, even if you had not intended on joining the military that does not mean anything now, because you did and graduated just like the rest of us. Went through the training, took the code and swore to protect those you charged with their safety. That includes everyone on this ship and everyone back home. You will do so and you will follow my orders while doing it and respect my authority on the ship, because that is what you signed up for. Whether you like it or see the point that is not for you to question. You are a soldier and a part of this crew. Right now, our order and regulations is the only thing that is getting most through this waking nightmare and I am not going to have one of my pilots going about as if they are above them,” the last bit held probably more emotion than anything she had said thus far.<br/><br/>“The thing about this whole situation is that it is bigger than any of us and we have a duty to protect those who are waiting for us back home,” she said after a moment, the emotion gone from her voice once more. “If you really don’t understand that and are not sure about why you are even here anymore, I can put in a request for an immediate transfer from the Elyandra and you will be free to return to the Moon. Once there you can seek to be discharged from the military and free to do with your life as you wish. All you need do is tell me, right here and now, and it shall be done.”<br/><br/>Once again she merely gazed at him, eyes unwavering as she waited to see what decided to do. Would his mech and skills be missed? Surely, but she would rather pilot one of the old mechs on her own, rather than deal with someone who was not sure why they were there anymore and did not understand why as a soldier they had to follow orders.<br/><br/><span style="color: #FF4040"><span style="font-weight: bold">Home. A bittersweet word encased in chaos and turmoil. Where was home now? What would a man like him, or any other person call home in these times? The Captain's words made all the sense in the galaxies that they could fit in them. Only, she was basing it off the assumption that he had made his choice to join the military willingly. Canaan looked at the projection of his file, reading through the first parts where it indicated the time he enlisted, each written word stabbing his heart as he read them, memories from his time on the moon before all hell broke loose played back inside his head...<br/><br/>____<br/><br/>"Cana-n! C-n you he-r me?!"<br/><br/>The broken voice coming in through the ETCF's transponder woke the test pilot from his sleep. They were on their way to the moon for a demonstration of their latest model to the military. It was a standard operation, one he had done more times than he could count his fingers. It was supposed to be a short trip; all they had to do was convince the military that their newest product would be the best machine to pour their military war funds into. In fact, Canaan had already made a short checklist of the things to do: One, go to the moon. Two, blow some test drones up and make the jaws of the military top brass drop. Three, get out, get paid and take a vacation with Sefira. <br/><br/>"Doc?" he pressed a few buttons to clear the static off the transmission. "What's up? Last minute changes?"<br/><br/>"Canaan! Canaan! Listen to me carefully!" the sound of dread in the good doctor's voice was unmistakable. "The Children, they're coming to the moon! Whatever you do, don't let them get their hands on the ETCF!"<br/><br/>"W-wait Doc! Slow down! Who's coming?" he asked, only to hear cries of agony in the background of the transmission before it faded into static.<br/><br/>____<br/><br/>It was at this junction where everything had gone to hell for Canaan. The next thing he knew, the moon base where he was going to came under attack, with him right in the middle of the crossfire. Shortly after that, he was up in space in Orbit Industries' latest model, cooperating with the military in fending off attackers while keeping those who were trying to evacuate safe. A few days later, he learned that everything he called home was taken away from him. He had nowhere else to go, and as painful as it was, nobody was waiting for him anymore, and there was nothing he could do about it— not a damn thing!<br/><br/>"Took an oath like the rest of you huh?" he scoffed at the Captain, his eyes meeting her cold, calculating stare. "Graduated?!" he took a short breath, remembering the asteroid belt and that old battle cruiser that served as their pseudo academy. "From what? A crashcourse to killing?!" his cybernetic hand balled into a fist but remained still. "Don't make me laugh Captain. You would never understand. This..." he looked around him briefly. "all this is your life, all of this is your home, you made the choice to be where you are now willingly. Someone like you would never be able to see the world through my eyes." now there was a hint of anger in his tone. <br/><br/>"My choices were made for me by fate! What makes you think I would give a damn about your battles if I could help it huh?!" his tone rising even more, in tune with the anger he was feeling. "You dare say you will send me home?! That I just need to say the word and it will be done?! Do you even have any idea about what you said? You don't even know me Captain! And obviously you don't care one bit!" by this time he wanted to hit something. "I have no home to come back to! You have my file, you should have at least read that part too! Everyone I care about is dead, died at the hands of those Children bastards!" he breathed deep and paused, taking the time to calm himself down. It was unfair for him to lash out at the Captain, but it was also unfair for her to treat him like some expendable pawn she could send home anytime she wanted.<br/><br/>As soon as Canaan got a hold of himself, he exhaled sharpy and looked at the Captain, his expression devoid of any emotion. "The only reason I'm here now is to make them pay, and that is all that I need." he stated and turned around, ready to put an end to their conversation. "You want me to follow your orders?" he asked, glancing back at the woman. "Then you better make sure it involves killing the Children bastards; it will be my genuine pleasure." he finished and stepped out of the Captain's quarters. <br/><br/>Whatever she choses to do next, he did not want any part of it.</span></span><br/><br/>His speech was pretty and not one that she had not heard before from so many others like him. The Moon was everyone's home, until they found a new planet. But, he was not going to pedal his pissed off angry bullshit and think he could storm out.<br/><br/>Not on her ship.<br/><br/>"Security, escort Lt. Frost to his quarters and have him gather his belongings then escort him to the hanger and to his mech he will be leaving this ship," she said without a second thought.<br/><br/>"Understood ma'am."<br/><br/>"Computer, full lock out for him and his Mech. Maximum security protocols. If they so much as plug in to charge their battery I want the hard drive fried and the mech put out of commission." There was an audible response from the computer to acknowledge her command.<br/><br/>That done she stood there in her quarters, pissed and frustrated, but thinking that she had perhaps made a mistake instead. At least to some degree.<br/><br/>A sigh and she contacted security once again, "Yes Captain."<br/><br/>"Belay that order. Instead, escort the Lt. to the brig. Confine him there until further notice, understood?"<br/><br/>"Yes, ma'am."<br/><br/>That done, she merely sat back at her desk. Gaze cast to the large window that overlooked the far expanse of space that held both their salvation and their demise. Such a conundrum it was, to have to venture out into something that only possibly held their chance at survival. He was not the only one who lost anyone and before this war was over, he would not be the last either. Instead of wallowing in his pity party he should instead shape up and do what he enlisted to do, willingly or not he was still part of the military and he damn sure better start acting like it.<br/><br/>"Computer, the Anubis requires direct clearance from me before it does anything at all."<br/><br/>Another audible response from the computer and she just sat there alone in her quarters. Contemplating the future for her and her crew.