There were no words that could explain how Ausan felt. Relieved, ashamed, pissed, disgusted to name a few. The fact that she missed the punch did not help either, it would have felt nice to pop him one in the face. Sore all over now and with unspent energy, though she felt exhausted at the same time she was just unsure of what to do with herself. The speech was given, and the Maiden felt her throat tighten with the mentioned fault. It had been wrong. To slay the man in such a way, but even now she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, she would have done it again.<br/><br/>Once it was over, she slipped away to her tent. The armor felt heavy, heavier than it had ever felt before she removed it and allowed it to just fall to the floor. Tired. So exhausted, was how Ausan felt and she was just not sure what to do. This is what she meant when she spoke to her father those years ago, that she was not what any man would want or desire. A killer. A monster. A murderer is what she was and what she had become. Forged under his cruel hand and then tempered in the heat of battle, cooled in the blood of her enemies. All she knew how to do was to kill and maim.<br/><br/>When the war ended, she really did not know what she would do. A soldier without a war was useless.<br/><br/><span style="font-weight: bold">Barth's footsteps carried him of their own accord as he ventured deeper into the Lindenian camp; he finally stopped once he arrived at Ausan's tent, which he entered without hesitation. She'd been both furious and relieved when he returned to the camp, but he didn't think he was still in danger of being attacked. She was well within her rights to try, though - he had no intention of stopping her. Perhaps he felt some measure of guilt, about, well, everything, but the reasoning wasn't entirely clear. <br/><br/><span style="color: #FFFF00">"Ausan."</span> <br/><br/>He didn't know what to start with, or what to say. Did he speak of the weight that was lifted with the ending of House Garth? Did he try to lend the proper weight to his absence, by speaking on the importance of the Lebi king's plan? Or did he simply dwell on the obvious. The loss they'd both suffered, the entire reason a knight had been burned to death in front of a sea of onlookers. Bur could he speak of it? Verana's death was still there, still present as it loomed over them, but talking about it out loud seemed like too painful an endeavor. It would happen, it needed to, but if he could delay the initiation of that conversation he would do it time and time again. <br/><br/><span style="color: #FFFF00">"How are you feeling?"</span></span><br/><br/><span style="font-style: italic">How was she feeling? HOW…WAS…SHE…FEELING?!</span><br/><br/>It was such an innocent question, and yet it suited only in pissing her off further. Back still to him, she stood at the table in her tent. Back slightly bent as leaned on the table, the wood old from time of use it had creaked initially from the weight, but had proven itself strong and reliable as ever. As she once thought herself to be. Tears welled in her eyes as she thought about how to answer that question, thought about whether or not it even mattered.<br/><br/>“I can’t…” she whispered down to her worn hands. Battered, broken and swollen one hand had already been in need of aid and now after this fight with Haman, it looked even worst. “I can’t…” she said louder this time and turned to face him. “I thought I had lost you!” Anger mixed with pain in her voice. “Without you what was there left for me?” Though she asked him this question, Ausan honestly did not want an answer from him, if only because she feared what that answer might be. “She’s gone and then you were…”<br/><br/>Even though he stood there before her and she knew him to be safe, the panic of lost was still there. It was still fresh in her mind and too great for her to ignore. “I just can’t anymore. What am I supposed to do is you die? I would be alone then. Completely and utterly alone and there would be nothing left for me. Even after all of this what am I to do? All I do is kill. All I do is hurt. When there is no war then what?” The tears fell from her eyes, and she raised her hand to wipe them away, only to stop when the pain in her hand flared up. “I just can’t….”<br/><br/><span style="font-weight: bold">Her anger and pain washed over him, and Barth found himself struggling to find the words for a response. A few seconds passed in silence, and then Barth moved forward and pulled her forcefully onto his body. He encircled her back with his arms, and while he held her he spoke softly, having finally found a reply on the heels of the embrace. <br/><br/><span style="color: #FFFF00">"I lost my sister… but I still have my best friend. And I have no intention of leaving her behind, Ausan. I know words are wind, but heed mine when I say I'm not going anywhere."</span> He let go of her, and took a step back, smiling. <span style="color: #FFFF00">"You claim all you do is kill, or hurt, but you are being unfair to yourself. The soldiers, the Sisters who follow you, they do not do so because you are a fierce soldier who can hurt and maim. They do so because they know you <span style="font-style: italic">care</span>. You love them, you love your people, and you love the home we've left behind."</span><br/><br/>She was ever the picture of strength and resilience, but there was much more to the Maiden than that. As much as Barth had come to depend on her, she needed a hand every once in a while as well, just like anyone else. And she'd clearly been pushed to the limit, with everything that happened. His disappearance wasn't his fault, but he had no intention of telling Ausan who'd really been behind it. Punching Sahir was unlikely to uncover any fruitful results. <br/><br/><span style="color: #FFFF00">"You killed Garth, yes, but would you have gone to such lengths if the man had not shattered a bond of love? You are so much more than a shield and sword, my dear Ausan, and it is time you recognized that."</span> <br/><br/>He glanced down and seized her wrist, bringing the hand up to his eyes. <span style="color: #FFFF00">"It is also time we took care of this,"</span> he said, holding the battered hand carefully.<span style="color: #FFFF00">"No more punching for a while, I think, and it's high time you let that God take a look at your injuries. Stubborn woman,"</span> he added, still smiling.</span><br/><br/>The hug was a mixture of pleasure and pain. Pleasure in the relief and the feeling of having him close once more. Pain for the very same reason mixed with the physical pain of his touch on her sore and broken body. How she longed for this to just be how it was between them and not just the friendship they had. It would never be, however, because he would never see her as anything more. Even as he smiled and held up her hand, and spoke of her stubbornness, Barth saw only his friend.<br/><br/>Not anyone to be desired.<br/><br/>“It is nothing but a flesh wound,” an attempt at a joke, Ausan took her hand back carefully. “Honestly, I will only go to see the God so that I can punch Haman. The bastard is likely to think that I’m soft or something.” Finally, she smiled back at him, a weak one but it was there, her eyes allowed to linger on his own for a moment before they darted to the state of her tent. The armor strewed about, bloody bandages and the like. “Ugh. Where did this mess come from?” question posed mostly to herself than to Barth as she bent to pick up the chest piece she had discarded.<br/><br/><span style="font-weight: bold">It was a relief to see her smile, along with a threat regarding an unsuspecting Haman and a punch that was undoubtedly in his future. When Ausan bent over to pick up the nearest piece of discarded armor, Barth put an arm around her waist and pulled her back, guiding her into a chair. <br/><br/><span style="color: #FFFF00">"There is such a thing as rest for the weary, Ben. You're no good to anyone if you kill yourself. Now be still,"</span> he added with rare sternness as he went about picking up the assortment of items littering the ground within the tent. <span style="color: #FFFF00">"My own tent doesn't look much better,"</span> he quipped as he gathered up some old bandages. <span style="color: #FFFF00">"It's about half torn to pieces, but that should be good for letting in some breeze."</span> <br/><br/>He straightened up as he heard movement at the tent's entry; turning, he spotted Cameron, who he greeted with a grin. "Cam, good to see you. Can you do me a favor? I need to get ahold of the God in the dark blue robes. He's got brown hair he keeps in a ponytail, answers to-"<br/><br/>"Prince Barth. Your timing is apt." <br/><br/>He stared, disbelieving, as a man in midnight blue robes donned over gleaming plate armor entered the tent. The silent, bronze-clad man following in his wake stared at Cameron, who backed away from the flaps so quickly he nearly lost his footing. <br/><br/><span style="color: #FFFF00">"Lord Yorinth, what bring you here?"</span><br/><br/>"Idle hands," the God replied, looking calmly from Barth to Ausan. "I have spent much of the last day aiding those who could be helped; the battle left many wounded in its wake, but all of those I treated should make full recoveries. Some lost limbs, however, and I cannot speak for their future lives as soldiers. But they live." <br/><br/>Barth bowed, both in response to the man's kindness as well as to the knowledge that even some survivors endured heavy losses. "You have done us a great service. We are deeply indebted to you." <br/><br/>"What I have done falls within the bounds of my power. It is no trouble at all. And now that the others have been tended to, I would like to look over this one," he said, indicating Ausan. "My interests are in doing what I can for this army's chances, and that involves ensuring an important soldier is able to fight to her fullest ability, should the need arise sooner than expected." <br/><br/><span style="color: #FFFF00">"Sooner than… do you know something?"</span> Barth asked, alarmed by the ominous statement, but the God shook his head, still watching Ausan calmly. <br/><br/>"Even the wisest do not know all. But it is better to be prepared."</span><br/><br/>The look she threw at Cam made the already shocked boy glad to slip out of the tent and go find something else to do for a while. A tired look was leveled at the God who approached her, “I am only allowing this because I owe people punches. Otherwise, you would not have been allowed a single step into my tent.”<br/><br/>Defensive, hurt, tired and emotionally drained. Ausan felt more like a cornered animal than a woman in need of help. God or man, she would have been just as hostile no matter who came in to patch her up.<br/><br/>“But if you must give me a hand so that I can be in top shape to hurt people. A spear fragment pierced my armor about here,” she sat a bit straighter raised her shirt. “Hurts to breathe too deep and the blood has not stopped completely,” the shirt lowered she held up her hands. “This one hurts because I punched a tutar and this one hurts because I punched a Haman. I am honestly not sure which one hurts the most right now, but I do know that gripping a sword hurt like a bitch.”<br/><br/><span style="font-style: italic">That’s it Ausan. Focus on the pain and humor. Ignore everything else.</span>the maiden coached herself as she waited for the God to do his thing and fix her.<br/><br/><span style="font-weight: bold">Yorinth smiled in response to Ausan's hostility, although the silent man behind him bristled slightly. Barth looked at him for a moment, waiting for a reaction, but the Demigod simply stood back and watched as his master looked over the Maiden's injuries. "Are all the women of Linden so resilient?" he asked with some amazement as he examined her knuckles, and the prince smiled.  <br/><br/><span style="color: #FFFF00">"Yeah, although none compare to Ausan. I would've died a hundred deaths if not for her presence at my side."</span> <br/><br/>There was a grunt, and then a bright light was emerging from Yorinth's palm. It threaded around Ausan's hands like a coiled, blinding rope, and Barth thought he could smell something like old ruins and caves for a moment. "The hands are easier, I would deal with them first. I do not know what a 'Haman' is, but it clearly has a hide made of stone, or perhaps iron. I would presume you mean a rock troll of some kind, but such creatures are very rare in this age." <br/><br/>Ausan's hands were completely encased in light, and then as a wave of coldness washed over the inside of the tent it vanished, leaving behind a pair of fists with no marks or blemishes. The swelling was gone completely. "The bleeding here has not stopped, because there is a sliver of something caught within," Yorinth said calmly as his nimble fingers searched the wound. "The wound cannot heal until it has been removed. This should only take a moment." <br/><br/>He cupped both hands over the spot, and after another flash of light he was holding a small fragment of something metallic between his thumb and forefinger. "This would have caused you much pain, and could have permanently weakened your sword attacks, particularly the downward slash. Sometimes it is best to cast aside one's pride," the God added sternly as the injured area was obscured by a blinding patch of light. "But if I must track you down after every battle, I shall." <br/><br/>Barth grinned, moving forward as the light once again vanished, leaving a miraculously healed injury in its wake. <span style="color: #FFFF00">"Thank you, Lord Yorinth."</span> <br/><br/>"Be well, Prince Barth," replied the God, who nodded at Ausan before exiting the tent, his silent bodyguard slipping out behind him like a shadow.</span><br/><br/>“He is likely to have to,” Ausan remarked once the God and Demi-God had left the tent. “There are those who need him more than I, so if he wants to heal me he will have to track me down,” she smirked at Barth and stood was the chair to cross over to where her cot stood. The torn and bloody shirt was removed, allowed to fall to the floor while she looked down at the scar where the wound once stood. “Not as prominent as my other scars, but I suppose it will do,” it honestly was barely there, though she could just feel it when she ran her fingers along the place where she remembered it to be.<br/><br/>“I owe Haman a punch, and I still owe you a kick in the ass,” the remark thrown over her shoulder while she found another shirt and pulled it on. The silence was allowed to fill the area between them before she finally started to speak, “Barth…I….” the words fell off, more along the lines of choked off as she could not get herself to say more. There was that fear that she just knew he did not feel the same as her and to say anything of it would just ruin what they already had.<br/><br/>“I’m sorry. I should not have lost my composure,” an apology being only one thing that she wanted to say to him but an apology she felt he was due regardless.<br/><br/><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="font-style: italic">Stubborn to the very end,</span> he thought with some amusement as she changed, voicing her refusal to seek out help from the God. It wasn't much of a surprise, though - Ausan was always far too willing to ignore her own pains for the sake of those around her. It was a source of both pride and aggravation for him, as the prince respected her for it while still wishing she'd do more to take care of herself. <br/><br/><span style="color: #FFFF00">"We have no lack of scars, and by the time this is over I'm sure we'll have many more,"</span> he answered, after she examined the mark left behind after Yorinth's healing touch. He'd escaped the previous battle without any noteworthy additions to his own collection, which was quite a surprise in itself, but he knew better than to assume that would be continuing. War was as much about luck as it was about skill, and he'd seen many a seasoned soldier fall in battle simply because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. <br/><br/>Ausan's apology hit him hard, distracting him from his musings. <br/><br/><span style="color: #FFFF00">"You know, she never spoke of it, but Verana had an incredible singing voice,"</span> he said quietly, his words directed to her back. <span style="color: #FFFF00">"I once heard her, when she thought she was alone, filling a pail in the river. The sound brought tears to my eyes, and when she saw me she stopped singing, and we never spoke of it. But I always remember the song, and the way her eyes were staring out at something I couldn't see. There was… such hope, in them."</span><br/><br/>The events following the discovery of Verana's death had swept them all up, but now that a relative calm had settled it was like the pain had been rekindled and restored to its original potency. He walked closer to her, reducing the distance between Ausan and himself, and let out a long, slow sigh. <span style="color: #FFFF00">"I am at fault as well. We had just lost a member of our family, and we acted rashly and without thought. Regardless of what happened, and whatever may happen in the future, I will stand by you, just as I know you will stand by me. And that is more important now than ever before, because things will be changing and I will need your support if any of it is going to work."</span></span><br/><br/>He would need her, and like the love-stricken puppy that she was Ausan would be there for him. It was such a funny thought that she laughed and shook her head. Tears brimming in her eyes as she looked down at her hands, “You know she once asked me what I wanted to do with my life…” One hand clenched into a fist and then the other, “You know once we were done fighting. I told her I did not know. All of my life, I have been taught to fight. Conditioned to fight. Eat, sleep and breathe combat. I never knew tenderness, save for the rare occasions that my mother was allowed, or she snuck a hug here and there when my father was not looking…”<br/><br/>All at once both hands were released and allowed to fall down to her sides, “I told her, I had no idea. Because without war, without conflict, I feel…lost. But she made me promise to think about what I want, and I know what I want now.”<br/><br/>A smile came over her face then as if whatever inner turmoil there had been was at rest with the pain that no longer plagued her body. “When this is over I will share with you what I want because I can already see that look in your eyes of your curiosity wanting to know. But, what I want won’t matter if we do not win. So, you have to promise me that you won’t leave me in the dark like that again. Even if it is just a simple and quick<span style="font-style: italic">trust me</span>you have to tell me, or I can not promise you that I will be here when you get back. Understand?”<br/><br/>If he left again and Haman tried to stop her, she would likely try to kill the Giant to be on her way after Barth. If she failed that, she would just leave. Take the sisters that would join her and go off on her own to find that future that Ausan promised Verana she would find. Ausan was tired of living in the shadows of others, and if the man she loved and trusted with all her heart, could not do the same for her then she would leave. Even as the words formed in her mind, her heart knew that if Barth called on her, she would be there. Without hesitation and at the expense of her own happiness.<br/><br/><span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="color: #FFFF00"> "I understand,"</span> Barth said quietly, feeling a pang of sadness at the thought of returning to find no Ausan there waiting for him. It was a loss he couldn't bear, in a live that had already seen too many of them. But he was hardly the only one who'd been subjected to such trials in the grim world they inhabited.<span style="color: #FFFF00">"And I will not subject you to that again, if I can help it." </span><br/><br/>Thoughts of what they would do after everything was over - if such a future existed - were still as foggy as ever for the prince. King Sahir had planted the thoughts in his mind, and now Ausan had awakened that same sentiment once more, but Barth didn't even know where to begin. The Lebi's offer echoed in his memory, but he wasn't going to bring it up. First, because he himself didn't know how he felt about it, but secondly because there were simply too many unknowns that needed to be dealt with first. There was no point making plans and decisions when not even tomorrow was a guarantee. <br/><br/><span style="color: #FFFF00">"I'm glad you know what you want, Ausan. Verana would be happy to know this. And I hope that whatever it is, you get it. You deserve as much,"</span> he concluded with a smile, and then he walked away, out of the tent and towards the place where he knew he'd find a group of Lebi knights. It was time to prepare for the next engagement, whenever that would happen. His guess was sooner, much sooner, than he would have preferred.</span><br/><br/>“What I want is you, Barth….it is what I have always wanted…” she whispered after him. Alone in her tent, she stood there and looked at the items that made up the whole of her life. Armor, weapons, and bandages. A killer, a soldier and a protector. These were her titles and this day more than others she felt how little they meant at the end of the day. When she came home to an empty tent, there was no reason or point to anything that she did. It felt as if it were for nothing at all, save to further stain her soul with the blood of those that she had slain.<br/><br/>If the Goddess would look upon her with kindness, one of these days she would come home to Barth. But in a world where there was no guarantee that the maiden would see the next day, she would have to hope and pray that such a time and chance would become possible.