<span class="fixed-color" style="color:#87ceeb">Doctor Sonakshi Khan</span><br/>St. Anne<br/>Midwatch<br/>Tagged: Donovan.<br/><hr class="bbc-hr bbc-hr--3"/><br/><br/>Sonakshi dragged her feet into her quarters, leaving the loot on the ground for a moment, she sat on her bed and stared at the wall for a while. She hadn't been able to come with a decent answer to Donovan's appreciation of the situation, nor has she been able to argue with him once on the ship. He was probably right, after all he had the experience, so it was likely that the clinic was in fact a den of black hearted people that deserved Donovan in their cut short lives. It wasn't that she thought low of him, nor did she hate him, but she had not found the strength, the will to correct that wrong. After all, if she did thing bad of him, if she did hate him, that should keep her busy, free of guilt.<br/><br/>Only that it wasn't working.<br/><br/>Donovan was only the top dog in that nasty situation they had ended in, his violence, his ruthlessness just the ingredients that allowed the both of them to exit that place alive. He could be a monster, but only because he had to be, they needed him to be. In fact, it was her who allowed it, the one that indulged the idea of getting into that mess with him. Iona had told her to separate want from need, so... if they didn't, if Sonakshi herself didn't need to get into that trouble with Donovan, did that meant that she wanted it? After all, if what Donovan said was true and there was no reason to doubt him, he lashed out of need, to survive, to save both her and himself. Sure, he said so with a face that was asking to get some knuckles bashed it, but even if he could be unhinged, or take advantage of looking like he was, Sonakshi believed him. That meant that Donovan had acted to save them. And also meant that she had asked him to murder the kid and the doctor in cold blood without knowing it.<br/><br/>Fuck.<br/><br/>She leaned down, stashing the cash under her bed for a time of need, retrieving at the same time the clear bottle that was down there. Opening it, the aroma of spices and herbs of the gin flew in her nostrils, lifting her up as some smelling salts would. She sometimes joked about her drink of choice citing its versatility as both booze and perfume, but now wasn't the time for jest, as she downed a chug of it like nothing. The alcohol burned through, making Sonakshi wish that it also reduced to ash what she was feeling at the moment, but even if it didn't do the trick, it certainly numbed her enough. She had work to do, so she took the supplies to the nearby clinic, finding distraction and comfort in storing them, getting everything into order, making inventory of it all.<br/><br/>Grabbing a set of clothes, Sonakshi headed to the locker room and took a shower, alone and calm. Most of the crew had already cleaned and changed to enjoy the two day permit, so there wasn't no one else to bother her. It didn't do much, but at least she was no longer feeling gross nor had that charged smell of the hellhole they had been in. Getting herself into one of her unflattering fatigues, navy blue this time, she felt a bit better when she donned back her white coat. Yes, she was the doctor of the St. Anne, there was good people there, good people she could help, she had to help. That didn't excuse doing anything to help them, or did it?<br/><br/>Wanting to set her mind into a more practical matter that didn't include torturing herself, she went to Donovan's quarters and knocked on the metal door. "Come to the clinic so I can get that shit out of you" she barked through the door, and this time she wasn't going to allow Donovan to delay it anymore. It wasn't that the only thing that brought her there, although it certainly was the most important. "My silence may have given you the wrong idea, but I don't hate you. And I do think highly of you, and what you do for us" she commented on the way to the clinic, the closest thing to an apology she could muster at the time. "Being in your position, being forced to see and share what you do... I guess it's not that it felt like too much, although it did" confessed, Donovan sure could smell a strange mix of shampoo and gin on her. "It was how easily I fell into your pace, how eager I was to do what was needed to protect the St. Anne and its crew, even if it meant murdering people and torching that place. Doing it through you only made it easier" Sonakshi opened the clinic, stepping in with Donovan.<br/><br/>"I'm sorry for using you like that" she apologized this time, putting some gloves on and taking her instruments. "Get those clothes off, lets patch you up" she pointed with a gloved finger, her hands as steady as always. Feeling a tad relieved after talking, feeling safe in a controlled environment, Sonakshi proceeded to take care of Donovan's injuries, treating him as gently as possible, not wanting to be the source of more pain that day, not wanting to do harm.