It took a few moments, but Eivind's eyes focused, his body stopped pumping, and he was looking at Blue, concern drawn along the edges of his face.<i>He stopped</i>, Blue thought, releasing a gentle sigh of relief as his wolf,<i>his wolf</i>, leaned down and kissed him, not to claim, only to speak. Blue kissed him back, frustrated and angry, but not at Eivind. He was angry at his own body for not being able to handle the rough sensations, frustrated that after fighting the desire time and time again, now that they were finally together, it wasn't everything Blue had wanted it to be. It wasn't sweet, or romantic, or comfortable, and none of it was Eivind's fault. It was his. And he hated himself for it.<br/><br/>"I'm sorry," Blue said, choking back a frustrated sob as he brought his hands to his eyes and rubbed at them, trying to figure out what to do. "It's not you, it's not you at all. It's me. I can't . . . I can't get it to feel right." He knew what the problem was, but not how to say it. He let out a ragged breath and wiggled underneath Eivind, though he didn't want to go anywhere, and he didn't truly want the wolf to leave him. "It's . . . it's too rough," he said, looking up at Eivind with red eyes as his hands dropped limply to the ground. "The spit isn't enough. It dries too fast and I'm . . . I'm damaged, from everything that happened. I was torn down there so many times. I'm fucking broken."<br/><br/>Blue ripped his gaze away. He didn't want Eivind to see him with tears in his eyes. Not again. "It's not you," he repeated, hoping Eivind didn't blame himself. He was being so good to Blue. "I wanted this to be special, and passionate," he said softly, his voice a low murmur as he spoke to the darkness, unwilling to turn his head and look at his lover again. "I want to be with you so badly, and now that we have the chance I'm the one who can't deal with it. This is so fucking stupid." He couldn't stop the self-loathing from consuming him as he lay there, knowing that he was doing nothing to help their relationship. If anything, he was just damaging it more, he was sure. Why would Eivind even want to try having sex again after this disaster?<br/><br/>"Had I known a good lubricant would be needed for survival out here in the wild I might have thought about packing that stupid bag differently," Blue mumbled, biting his lower lip as he yearned for something, anything to help ease the friction between their bodies. He thought about the lubes he had hidden in his bedroom at home. Soft, silky gels that made even the most difficult of penetrations easy and magnificent, filled with pleasure and deep waves of satisfaction. Something smooth, gentle and--<br/><br/>"Holy shit," Blue spat out, jerking his head to where their belongings lay on the other side of the fire, clumped together in a pile along with the parcel Sig had left. "Sig! Fucking Sig! The dirty, filthy whore!" Blue was laughing now, his abdomen rolling joyously as he tossed his head back, arm flailing wildly toward the items. "Eivind, go! Sig's shit! There's aloe vera gel in there, the fucking slut left<i>aloe vera gel</i>." If Eivind was looking at him like he was a madman, Blue didn't notice, though he wouldn't have been surprised. His eyes were clenched closed and tears were rolling down his cheeks as he laughed, unable to stop himself.<br/><br/>"Eivind, aloe vera gel. It's a natural lubricant. Go get it. Now."<br/><br/><i>Sig<b> did</b> think of everything.</i>