Breakfast was quiet and dreary, and although Blue tried to get<i>something </i>into his stomach, everything he ate tasted like ashes in his mouth. The eggs were too fluffy and bland; they had been whipped with too much milk. The sausages lacked any kind of spice and didn't seem to be as juicy as they were day before. Blue even tried to eat another waffle--he had enjoyed it immensely last time--but it tasted like cardboard, and after only a few small bites of the various foods he had skeptically put onto his plate, Blue gave up, shoving everything aside and settling on just sipping some coffee and letting that fill his mostly empty stomach instead. Even the coffee tasted like dirt, but Blue found he needed to focus on doing something while Eivind shoved food into his mouth, and having a mug hiding half of his face was a good a mask as anything else.<br/><br/>Blue's fingers tapped impatiently against the table while he waited for Eivind to finish his food, but thankfully the wolf didn't stall them for long. He always had a voracious appetite, and although Blue could see by the look on his face that he wasn't particularly enjoying anything he put into his mouth, he still ate it. Which was good, Blue thought. Wolves needed their strength, they needed the extra calories. Were this a morning not filled with anger and tension, he was sure Eivind would try to influence him into eating more, but Eivind didn't dare pressure him now. Also good, Blue thought.<br/><br/>When the last crumb had been devoured, Blue stood, the feet of his chair scraping against the dining hall floor with an unpleasant screech. "Come," he commanded, stomping off from the table and heading back upstairs to their room, expecting Eivind to follow silently and without protest. The wolf complied, and this pleased Blue, though one wouldn't have been able to tell just by looking at the young man's hard glare. Blue had decided he needed to get some semblance of control back, to reset the balance of their relationship. Although it had been unintentional, Eivind had brought up feelings of terror and helplessness Blue thought he had moved past. Apparently not. Apparently there were still fears writhing inside of him and he needed to squash them down in his own way.<br/><br/>When they moved back into the hotel room, Blue took a deep breath, waving Eivind to the middle of an open space on the carpet. He had decided he liked Eivind's appeasement behavior, though he barely understood it or why it called to him. Perhaps it had something to do with being mated, perhaps they were more in tune with one another's languages than they realized, or maybe Blue was just learning. But it couldn't be done the wolf way, not completely. Blue had to know Eivind was his, that he wouldn't frighten him again or act rashly, thoughtlessly. His nerves couldn't take that. Maybe, after a few years together, this instinctual terror Blue felt at facing the unfamiliar would ease and Eivind wouldn't have to be so careful, but that wasn't something Blue could predict with any amount of accuracy. Although his body was healing and scarring over, the mental wounds were still too fresh. His soul still ached for what he had suffered through.<br/><br/>"Take off your clothes. All of them." Blue waited, and watched. He didn't remove any of his own clothes. Although Blue never felt uncomfortable being nude around Eivind, there was always the quiet reminder that when they were naked Eivind was his dominant, and Blue was Eivind's submissive lover. He didn't mind this as long as he was choosing it. He instructed Eivind to strip because it made Blue feel stronger; the clothing was a small comfort, a tiny bit of metaphorical armor to keep him safe while Eivind exposed himself to him, made himself vulnerable, just how Blue had felt.<br/><br/>"Get down on your knees. I'm going to come to you. Don't touch." The wolf did as he was told, and Blue stepped forward, coming close. Due to their small height difference, Blue was always looking down to Eivind to some degree, but now the difference between them was vast with Eivind kneeling and Blue standing tall. The young human looked down at the older male, studied his remorseful eyes, the subtle sad curve of his lips. He was beautiful. He had always been beautiful. Blue slowly reached forward and ran his fingers down Eivind's smooth cheek, exhaling a slow, shaky breath as he took in the new feel of Eivind's face. He had to reacquaint himself with Eivind's skin, so he could know what it felt like, know it even when he couldn't see it.<br/><br/>"You're my wolf," Blue said slowly, reminding himself more than Eivind. This wolf was his. His mate, his companion, his lover. Eivind would never hurt him. He would never betray him. Not like all the other ones had. He looked slightly different, but it was still him.<br/><br/>Blue pulled his hand away and fiddled with his pants, undoing them quickly and sliding them and his briefs down just enough to expose his cock, half-hard and twitching. He couldn't find the words to explain what he needed from Eivind, but where human language and wolf language diverged, sex was there to fill in the gaps. Blue didn't want to be fucked. He didn't want to give up this momentary feeling of control, and he didn't want Eivind thinking he was completely off the hook. But he needed to be reminded that Eivind would always go at the pace Blue set, no matter what. Wolves were terrifying, but Eivind wasn't like the rest of them. They were connected, fully mated, and although Blue may have happily chosen to submit to the wolf's whims when it suited both of them, Blue never wanted to be at the mercy of another wolf ever again. Not even the wolf he was falling in love with, although he refused to admit it to himself.<br/><br/>"Be good," Blue said, nothing more, though he did entangle the fingers of both hands into the wolf's gorgeous hair. Eivind could take it to mean whatever he wanted, though Blue hoped he had been learning, as Blue had, and he would understand Blue's need in a deep, dark way that Blue himself could only just grasp.