Paul allowed Gabriel to touch his face, to brush back his hair as he'd done for Gabriel a thousand times before. He smiled, not the razor sharp smile that Gabriel knew and adored, but neither was it the plastic fascimile that unnerved him. It was something small, something honest and intimate and content. Paul looked pleased, he looked satisfied, which was a rare thing in this world full of disappointments and imperfections.<br/><br/>Paul was happy with Gabriel, so inordinately fond and infatuated and fulfilled that for once in his life, he felt like he was no longer starving. An unidentified ache had finally been sated, and he thought to himself '<i>this is all that I need'. <br/>
</i><br/>Paul kissed Gabriel again and murmured against his kiss swollen lips, "I am glad I could improve it for you."<br/><br/>The world would still be there tomorrow. They would still have to settle Joseph Isetti's estate, consolidate his debts and close all his accounts, and Paul would have to arrange for the place to be burned through the properly legal channels, but that would be done later. Tonight was for Gabriel, his angel, whose smile meant everything to Paul.<br/><br/><br/><br/>--------<br/><br/><br/><br/>Eddy and Luke had been dating for the past four months and Eddy was trying not to be weird about it, trying not to count the weeks like some love struck teenaged girl that did monthly anniversaries, but he still couldnt help but be surprised at how well it was going. They met at night in the beginning, but that wasnt feasible for Luke to do all the time with his day job, so Eddy had slowly been switching his sleeping habits so he could actually be awake in the day.<br/><br/>This meant the bar wasnt open as often, but no one ever really came so Eddy didnt feel too bad about it. He would rather be fucking his hot new boyfriend then sit in a dingy bar with a few sketchy men. And god did they fuck.<br/><br/>Eddy had thought his libido had all but died but apparently it had only been hibernating, just waiting to be awakened by a freckled man with a fantastic ass and an even better mouth. Eddy hasnt fucked like this since his twenties, and was surprised at himself for how much of a lecherous dirty old man he turned out to be around the boy. Luke brought out the worst in Eddy, but at least he didnt ask Luke to call him daddy. Yet.<br/><br/>But they did more than just fuck. Sometimes they watched movies or shows, or ate a meal together and talked, and sometimes Precious was there to give Eddy his meds and it was strangely okay and he didnt resent her very necessary presence as he usually did. He couldnt cook for himself or for Luke, but he could stand in the kitchen and watch Luke fussing about and not be wracked with guilt that he couldnt help. He could stand there and just be content watching another person work because they cared for him, and not make it into something complicated and frustrating and shameful.<br/><br/>And on the bad days where he couldnt stand to be around himself let alone others, Eddy would tell Luke not to come by for a few days, and Luke listened. He was okay with it, just okay being told to go away without a fuss, and respected that sometimes Eddy needed his space because he was a mean old bastard when he got into one of his black moods. And when Luke came back he acted like it wasnt weird or strange that Eddy couldnt be around him every now and then.<br/><br/>It was all okay.<br/><br/>Everything was so okay that Eddy was almost suspicious of it, but his therapist said that came from his inherent paranoia and deep trust issues. He wasnt used to things going well, he wasnt used to being allowed to have nice things, and it was easier to distrust it rather than risk the pain of being happy only to have it taken away or spoil in his hands.<br/><br/><i>Self sabotage is a defense mechanism</i>, his therapist had said,<i>its so much easier to push people away than to let them in.<br/>
</i><br/>Eddy worried about his behavior, unsure what the balance should be. Hes never been good at figuring that out as one divorce and many failed relationships could attest, he was either too needy or too neglectful and he wasnt sure which he was being with Luke.<br/><br/>When Luke visited he was always allowed to stay the night. He was allowed to leave his clothes or steal some of Eddy's. He was allowed to use the bathtub or kitchen whenever, could eat Eddy's food, could use Eddy's shampoo, he could stay forever if he wanted. But when Luke said he was going home Eddy never stopped him. Even though Eddy wanted him to stay, and missed him terribly when he was gone.<br/><br/>Eddy didnt text Luke, even though he had voice to text on his phone he didnt want to bother the boy. Eddy didnt call Luke other than to invite him over, even though he sometimes got so lonely in the night that he desperately wanted to hear Luke's voice. And Eddy was always so cautious about taking up Luke's time, always starting his invites with some variation of "if you're not busy..."<br/><br/>Too needy or too neglectful, he couldnt tell. It had him so worried he was awake thinking about it even though Luke was lying asleep next to him, exhausted by their earlier love making. Four months and it was all going so well and yet Eddy was convinced he was still doing something wrong. Any moment it was going to shatter and it would be his fault.