<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span class="fixed-color" style="color:#99ff99">Clarke smiled sadly at Bellamy, and then she shook her head at his words. "It's a nice thought, but it wouldn't have worked. I wouldn't have stayed. After what happened at Mount Weather and all the people that I killed, I wasn't in the right frame of mind. Especially since I ended up killing Jasper's girlfriend, Maya. She was one of the few innocents, and she's dead because of me and what I did. I want to protect our people and I've always put them first since we landed on Earth. But it's always come at a high personal cost."<br/>
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"I lost my best friend, Wells, the guy I had liked, Finn, and I was separated from my mother once again. I don't know if I can keep doing this, Bellamy. The cost is way too high. Each and every time we do what we have to do to protect our people, we lose a little more of ourselves each time." </span></span><span class="fixed-color" style="color:rgb(153, 255, 153)"><span style="font-size: 15px">The blonde looked down at her hands as she spoke. "I don't know who I am anymore. I've said and done things that I never thought I would, in my wildest dreams. I barely even recognize myself anymore. I killed Adam to put him out of his misery."<br/>
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"I killed Finn to keep from letting the others torture him for days on end. And though it might have been the right thing at the time, I still killed them. I nearly killed Wallace, and to this day, I sure as hell wish that I had, when I'd had him trapped in that control room. All it would've taken was one well placed shot and he'd have been dead and one less thing to worry about." She laughed, but it wasn't funny. "You see? I just admitted that I wished I had killed Wallace earlier, but then as soon as I said it, the guilt came rushing at me in full force and.."<br/>
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"I'm just a fucking mess. I don't even understand why you're even happy that I'm back. I treated you like crap for a long time and you didn't deserve it. You've always been focused on taking care of Octavia, and then the rest of us, when we got here. And all I've done is give you crap. So, I'm sorry for that. I'll try to be better about it from now on."</span></span></span>