Eivind finally chanced looking over to Blue when he spoke, but it was as he expected. He was rejecting the notion.<br/><br/>“It's less casual than that, in most cases,” Eivind tried to explain, unsure if he understood what it was like to try to deal with the feelings. With wolves, they got more of the nonsense out of the way, fucked because they couldn't keep their hands off one another, and then got to know each other. For wolves, it was okay that way. Maybe it would have been for Blue if Eivind had found him at a different time. Eivind lifted his head a little higher when Blue mentioned that what happened with Lofgren should have happened, at least according to Eivind.<br/><br/>“No,<i>no</i>. That is absolutely not what I'm saying. What happened with you and Lofgren, and anyone else should have never happened. I would have been happier never knowing, if it meant that you would have never had to meet them. I was okay before. Not unhappy. I.. didn't know what I missing. I could have lived with it. That trigger was never flipped until I met you.” He'd found a sense of purpose, even if by unfortunate circumstances.<br/><br/>“If I'd been a better man, a better choice in mate, I would have known something wasn't right. Or I would have come and found you. I should have been drawn to you, somehow. I should have come across you before anything happened. Things would have been different then, and it would have been easier. I'm older than most that find their mates. I'm convinced it was something I did that screwed up my path. That you fell into Lofgren's hands was by chance, and had nothing to do with this. I can't accept that fate put you on that path to get to me. I can accept that I've failed you on some deeper level.” And maybe that was what this had gone down to. Maybe the connection was broken on Blue's part, or maybe it had never been there to start with. Eivind's expression was blank, even as he expressed thoughts that had been circling his own head. Guilt had been eating away at him since he'd found Blue.<br/><br/>“I don't know anything about this, Blue. I don't know how to make you understand what I'm feeling. It's just knowing that I'm supposed to be around you. I don't know if it's love. That's more a human social concept. We just are. We don't usually second guess our emotions. I do know that it's more than just wanting to fuck you.” His brows had knitted together, clearly a little insulted. “I had just wanted to be closer to you. I wanted to try and convey to you that I was there. I wasn't trying to stick my dick into you.” He'd remembered his scathing remark from earlier, and now that Blue was pegging him in the rapist category, he did feel the need to come to his own defense somewhat. It didn't make things acceptable, but he needed Blue to know where he was coming from.<br/><br/>“As a human, your gender doesn't matter. We can't reproduce even with females of your kind. I don't know what the point of it is, Blue, but I'm trying to understand it. Do you think that I wanted to have these feelings for a male human myself? Do you think you were my idea of a picture perfect mate?” Eivind was hurting, and he was saying things now because he was starting to think there was no hope for them. Eivind laughed when Blue asked if he'd felt like that about anyone else.<br/><br/>“If I had, do you honestly think I'd still be living alone?” he snapped. “Yes, Blue. You're the only person that has driven me to such madness I disemboweled them.” His feelings were starting to frustrate him now, especially if they were not going to lead him anywhere useful. Blue didn't seem to feel inclined towards him in any way. Rather, he seemed appalled by the idea that they were supposed to be a mated pair.<br/><br/>“Why do you think I didn't want to tell you in the first god damned place?” He worried that he'd learn that it didn't work the same way for humans. Eivind had thought by some of Blue's behavior that he might have been drawn to him, but it seemed more likely that was just his response after his ordeal.<br/><br/>“We both have our shortcomings, Blue, but there is nothing I can do if the connection is broken for you.”