There were two things that Rex was certain of. Well, four, if you counted death and taxes. Come to think of it, he couldn’t recall the last time he’d paid his taxes, so that dropped it to three. And death? He was A.I., or more commonly known as Almost Intelligent. So who knew if he had an expiration date? Now then, back to his original two things of certainty. For one, 10,000 space credits was a goodly amount of change. And two, no one else in the bar seemed to give a rat’s ass for the raven-haired beauty in the wedding dress. A wedding dress that had obviously seen better days, but still.<br/><br/>R2S nervously glanced around, wondering if he’d have any competition in chaperoning the Princess to Flibbertigibbet. Again, no one was even bothering to look their way. Well, Yabba Con Carne was the only one, but he knew exactly why.<br/><br/>She gave him the once over (twice!) with her eyes like only royalty seemed to know how to do. Satisfied (he could only assume), she asked, “You have a vessel?” To Rex, it sounded more like a skeptical accusation than an actual question. And for the first time, he wondered if this was a big mistake. Perhaps he should unload in Yabba’s mouth after all. Less of a headache, not to mention her Tee-Tee 4 Tee-Tee was probably still on offer.<br/><br/>And then the not-to-be-bride spoke again, identifying herself. “I am Princess Tiara. You may address me as ‘Your Highness.’ Very well. Come.” Rex smirked, already knowing that there was no fuckin’ way he’d<i>ever </i>call her that. ‘Your Highness Pain in the Ass’ maybe, but never just ‘Your Highness.’ She of little words, the Princess turned and, uh, hmm, headed toward the bar’s front doors. He didn’t know what to call it, but it sure as hell wasn’t<i>walking.</i><br/><br/>Following her, Rex anxiously gulped when he saw what she was moving toward. Oh, fuck me, he thought. Was she fuckin’ serious?! An entire matching set of<i>Boobie Volton </i>luggage?! And for the second time, he wondered if this was a big mistake. Make that a “fucking” big mistake. Whatever. His thoughts were ill and possibly detrimental to their cause. For instance: I mean, why doesn’t she just get a big-ass, blinking neon sign above her head saying,<i>I’m fucking rich! So y’all can eat cake! </i>Thoughts like this, although extremely accurate, were of no help. But it sure was fun thinking them nonetheless.<br/><br/>“It’s the two of us and my luggage and no questions asked,” she informed him, referencing the ‘droid standing idle by all of that obnoxious luggage. “I need to avoid any . . . Oh! OH! They’ve found me!” They? Who the fuck are they?! Rex wondered. No doubt about it now. This was indeed a fucking big mistake. Who knew if “they” were actually after the Princess? There were enough potential targets in the<i>Comatose Binary </i>to garner such attention, but he wasn’t about to stick around to find out.<br/><br/>It was times like this when he wished he hadn’t left Mia back on the bus, if only to help carry her bags. Loading her ‘droid with about half of the cursed<i>Boobie Voltons</i>, R2S grabbed the rest and whatever else was nearby. While she implored him to hide or save her or just do something, he stated sarcastically to Tiara, “Now would be a good time to blow this Popsicle stand, sweetheart.” He hustled them out the door and instructed them to follow him to a nearby hangar.<br/><br/>As soon as his space-travelling vehicle came into view, Tiara looked at him derisively and said, “I’m paying you 10,000 space credits for that?! And just what in the name of King Roland is a Def . . .”<br/><br/>“Never mind that,” Rex snapped, cutting her off. “I got that bus from another galaxy. I forget which one. Really great deal on it, too. Apparently, it was the official tour bus of some musical troupe, and I’m<i>still </i>finding women’s fucking underwear all over the place! It’s got all the comforts of home, and then some,” he eagerly pointed out.<br/><br/>Much closer to the vehicle now, the Princess observed, “Both words aren’t even spelled right.”<br/><br/>“I fuckin’ know that!” Rex snapped again.<br/><br/>“And what’s the story about all that red, white, and blue?” she innocently asked.<br/><br/>“No idea, Princess, about its significance, though it<i>does </i>look like some kinda flag. Who knows? I know I don’t have a fuckin’ clue,” R2S stated with a shrug.<br/><br/>“Why don’t you just paint over it?”<br/><br/>“I tried that,” he answered, “amongst all kinds of other things as well. It’s got some kinda protective coating, so no matter what I do, I can’t fucking get rid of it.”<br/><br/><div style="text-align: center"><script class="js-extraPhrases" type="application/json">
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</div></div><br/>Once inside the bus, Rex immediately and unceremoniously dropped his haul of her precious luggage, and then kicked a nearby cushioned bench. “Mia, wake your napping ass up,” he commanded. “We gotta get the fuck outta Dodge, like, five minutes ago!” The recipient of his ire rolled over while yawning and stretching at the same time. She winked at Tiara and moseyed toward the driver’s seat without a word.<br/><br/>The Princess blinked twice and said in a concerned (not to mention disbelieving) tone of voice, “She’s a cat. And she stands up like us.” Mia had the symmetrical markings of a shades-of-gray tabby.<br/><br/>“Oh, you noticed that, huh?” Rex replied, while stashing her annoying, though matching, luggage out of the way. Her ‘droid stayed near Tiara. “Yep, that would be Mia,” he continued. “Mia Yoww, our intrepid pilot for this lovely journey. Says she’s a Khajiit from Elsewhere.”<br/><br/>“Elsweyr,” corrected Mia over her right shoulder. The bus was now moving toward a launch pad, priming for lift off.<br/><br/>“And what did I just say?” Rex asked.<br/><br/>“You always say it wrong,” the female Khajiit informed everyone.<br/><br/>“What-fucking-ever,” he shot back, an A.I. of few words.<br/><br/>Tiara seemed bewildered by the sudden turn of events. “She talks, too?!”<br/><br/>“Yeah, it’s getting her to shut the fuck up that’s the trick,” he said with a grin.<br/><br/>“Ha!” Mia snapped. “Keep it up and I won’t let you pet me anymore.” Rex smirked at her backtalk, knowing full well that he would indeed miss petting her.<br/><br/>All<i>Boobie Volton </i>luggage now securely stored, Mia announced, “Hold onto your asses, boys and girls. We’re about to go vertical.” Rex quickly grabbed the Princess and plunked her into a chair, which faced the same way as Mia’s, before sitting next to her.<br/><br/>The Khajiit pilot released a disconcerting howl as the bus rocketed into space.