Stella looked at the card from Anton as she huddled on Elena's  comfortable, slightly battered old sofa. Elena's decorating style was best described as Early American Yardsale, but somehow she had managed to put together a little bungalow which was as cozy and welcoming as it was eclectic.  She had called in sick at both jobs, packed up Tesla and rented a car to drive the three and a half hours to her friend.  Tesla, who was not fond of cars had let his feelings be known for most of those three and a half hours.  But she couldn't have left him there for the almost three days she'd be gone, and she didn't want to talk to Anton.  She felt confused, raw, fragile, and just wanted to get away from it all, needed to put some distance between herself and them in order to try and figure it all out.<br/><br/>Even though she had promised herself she would do no such thing, the stress of the previous days, plus the drive with an at first distressed and then plain angry Tesla had brought her to the edge and she had burst into tears as soon as Elena opened the door.  Several cups of tea and half a box of tissues had seen to Stella's now dry, albeit red eyes as she looked at the note. Elena sat quietly in the nearby,  overstuffed, DIY reupholstered with thrifted denim chair, watching her friend while embroidering  one of her usual, risque art pieces.<br/><br/>"So, let me see if I understand this correctly," said the petite blonde peering over her spectacles at the redhead on the sofa, her hands still in her lap on the embroidery hoop. "You had a crush on Anton, a widower and your neighbor,  and you two decided to spend some time together to get to know each other better, then he brings another woman to a concert of yours which you invited him to and then takes her home with him, do I have that right?"<br/><br/>"Yes," said Stella, her voice feeling scratchy and raw from all the crying.  She had let Tesla out of his carry bag, who after an initial dash under the sofa had come out and begun to investigate his new surroundings. Elena's young female cat probably had a lot to do with that as she fearlessly had investigated the intruder.  Good thing Tesla had a thing for the ladies. He now sat on a windowsill pretending to ignore the young female's attempts to get him to play with her. She guessed he was missing Lics, but not enough to not enjoy the attentions of the affectionate, sleek kitten.<br/><br/>"But you said you didn't get the 'they wanted to have a hot night of making out' vibe."<br/><br/>"No, not at all. But maybe that came later. Who knows." Stella refilled her cup again from the giant teapot. Like just about everything in the apartment Elena had found it at a fleamarket and bought the chartreuse green pot with the pink roses. The lid was cracked but still functioned well enough.<br/><br/>"And then you start getting gifts from an unknown admirer who turns out to be one of the richest bachelors in the country, but who surprisingly enough isn't a douche but an actually nice guy," continued her hostess and closest friend.<br/><br/>"Well, I only met him that once," said Stella, enjoying the warmth radiating from the tea through the cup which she had her hands wrapped around. "He was rather insistent." She smiled, it had been a nice night.<br/><br/>"Thing is, Ellie, I suspect I could come to like Peter a great deal. He's very nice, and solicitous, and he's made a real effort to connect with me. It's not the monetary value of the gifts, but rather that he had made that effort to do that."<br/><br/>"So why do you still pine for Anton?"<br/><br/>"I don't know. I wish he hadn't left me this card, all it did is this..." she gestured angrily at herself and her surroundings and her eyes began to fill up again. "Why can't he be straight? Why can't he make up his mind? And why the hell am I putting myself through this?"<br/><br/>Elena got up and stretched, "you go and enjoy a nice soaking bath, and settle in. I am going to go get some food for dinner, Thai OK?"<br/><br/>After a much needed bath, and some delicious Thai dinner, the two women sat outside on a little patio by a small fireplace with wine, some recreational herbs, and a few lit lanterns. Stella had told Elena more about Anton and her time together with him.<br/><br/>"Men can be such clueless bastards," said Elena gesturing grandiosely and slurring slightly. She had  realized after some trial and error that while she liked men and women in equal measure she wasn't really interested in a romantic relationship, and didn't like sex enough to make her sacrifice her independent lifestyle for it. She had friends with benefits, people who were open to the occasional sexual encounter, no strings attached, nothing read into it. But she saw Stella's misery and felt for her friend even as she once again felt justified in her own choices.<br/><br/>Stella had sent a text to Anton after her bath,<br/><br/><span style="font-family:Happy Monkey">Anton, I received your card and rose, thank you. I am currently out of town at a friend's for the next few days. Tesla is with me. I'll be in touch when I get back.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
S.</span><br/><br/>She wondered what he thought of the text. What had he expected?  That she would rush downstairs and be like, oh it's fine, really? But Elena was right, men could be clueless. She sat back enjoying the cool night air, the warmth from the flames, and the wine of which she had liberally partaken, her usual limit be damned. She was perfectly open to getting hammered and stoned tonight.<br/><br/>Peter had treated her like a beautiful, desirable woman, and truth be told, his kiss had actually been rather enjoyable.  She wondered if Anton was a good kisser.  She closed her eyes and imagined Anton bending over her, his eyes filled with warmth and desire, but before her phantom Anton could kiss her Elena's voice broke through her imagination.<br/><br/>"Do you love him?"<br/><br/>Love...?<br/><br/>Boy, that's the four thousand dollar question, isn't it? She'd been so busy wondering how Anton felt about her she hadn't been completely open to really examining how she felt about him. Was it a deeply felt crush or was it more?  If it was only a crush would she have packed up Tesla (who had by now accepted the sleek white kitten by name of Pearl) and driven three and a half miserable hours to her best friend's house?<br/><br/>"That's what I'm trying to figure out."<br/><br/>The moment she heard those words come out of her mouth she knew that she actually<i>knew</i>the answer already. But by now she was reluctant to admit to it, afraid of just getting hurt more.<br/><br/>To give someone your love is to bestow upon them a great deal of power.  The heart is such a fragile thing, and by now she wasn't sure Anton could be trusted with hers. She knew he had loved Evangeline and loved her still. Could he ever love another woman the way he had loved his departed wife?  Was it wise of her to put herself into that position?<br/><br/>Stella grunted with frustration and poured herself a third glass of wine. She had come here for answers, and instead all she got was more questions and doubts.