Rei shifted often in her sleep. Away from Nahoya and then settling into his reaching embrace. It was like a dance, sometimes, and it was often clear what the man was dreaming when his lover’s slumbering intents were obscured. She was equally unsettled now, testing the comforts of Kit’s body as he swaddled her in his long limbs. She seemed uncertain, which meant she was not wholly given over to the ruse. Feverish and half-hoping, like a sinner scratching for something like a confessional, but not blind to the self-delusion.<br/><br/>It wasn’t really confession if it was self-serving. Then it was… something as miserable as gloating, maybe, to entertain herself. “I’m confused.” She said, back still against his chest. “I thought I was happy before.” Maybe it was worse for their relation. “In one way or another, I’ve cared about you both for so long. I thought it was different, I guess.”<br/><br/>Even now, she thought it was Kit’s scent that lingered on her lip, not Nahoya. She was imagining the things she wanted. If she had been well enough to realize which of the brothers held her, she’d have been forced to be guilty over it. This bed and her sickness left a peculiar sort of safe space. She was tired, or willful, enough to indulge. “I think I want things now. As in, things I didn’t know I wanted… or never thought I’d care about…” she was sighing as he drew her head back against him. She felt a little like he wasn’t listening, which was fine. It left her more space for reckless honesty.<br/><br/>The sound of the blankets rustling when they moved was frustratingly loud. “It’s not that I don’t love you. I know I’ve been unfair.” She said. It didn’t really matter for whom her sincerity was meant. “I feel like I can’t stop myself, though. I tell myself I won’t and then… there’s just too much gravity. I didn’t know how much I wanted…” Rei huffed and lay still when his hold grew gentler.<br/><br/>Every inch of her felt remarkably sensitive, burning up with chills. Even the damp sweat on her skin wasn’t enough to mask the prickling sensation of her wayward turning thoughts. How much she had wanted… what, exactly? Passion? She’d have hesitated to call it that. She’d been hungry, famished, even. Rei couldn’t articulate why she hadn’t noticed. Maybe it was desperation, then, and she had needed that urgency for too many years. That sounded better than passion, because Kitato hadn’t ever looked at her like he loved her. Rei wasn’t about to entertain that delusion.<br/><br/>She twisted then, so that her palms were flat against his chest. Her face could have nestled in the crook of his neck quite nicely, but she was tipping her flushed cheeks up toward him instead. “Will you still kiss me?” she asked. Kit, who had said he wanted nothing more of her. Or Naho, who should understand the ways she’d sinned. “Like you want me?” disrespectfully. She wanted weight. To feel him move against her. Like there was some sense or reciprocal action. Like she hadn’t been loved like a porcelain doll for years. “I’m a terrible person. I won’t break.”<br/><br/>She didn’t wait, pushing herself higher in the bed so that she could push her warm mouth against his. Her lips were dry from her fever. It was polite at first, like she was still asking questions, and then more insistent. To prove a point. She had not kissed either brother with such presence before. This was different. This was Rei being honest. She licked her lips once before kissing him again, this time prodding with her tongue like she required reassurance. “It’s not really fair for me to want either of you, but I do.”