"Stop it!" Ari yelled, but put his face in his hands and gave a long sigh. Why did he always have to scream? It made things so hard and made it seem like he was angry..  He wasn't angry at all. Just so scared. Benny definitely pitied him now. Every time he looked at Ari he'd give him that look of pity and sadness. He'd no longer smile at him.. It would be awkward and awful.. And it would break his fucking heart. "Stop it.." He said more softly. "There is no past.. You drag anything up since I go there all the time.. Just sit there. Read that journal.. Relive it a little because I'm not sure if I miss that more than knowing I'm going to die alone in his house. Without ever experiencing anything.. Maybe if I was still being tortured by my mother then I'd at least have a chance to run away.."<br/><br/>Ari looked at Benny shaking a bit as he spoke now. This was awful and liberating at the same time. Talking about things did wonders, but also gave him such a deep fear of rejection. "I'm not mad.. And I definitely don't want to you leave I just.. I can't handle you looking at me with guilt and pity.. I don't want that. I hate it more than you going to that place.. I don't want you to think I'm disgusting and broken even if I am.." He ran a hand through his hair with a frustrated growl. It felt like he wasn't saying what he wanted to. Why was it so hard to convey his feelings? "Damn it!" He punched the bed.