<i>God Dammit. </i>It really had been too long. Long enough that although the memories were there, the instincts had faded. Of course Mau was going to react poorly to his words, considering the egotistical, selfish, barely mentally balanced girl that she was. No doubt she had expected that the instant his life as a soldier ended he would rush back to Southie into her waiting arms, eager to resume the exact moment that they had left off. She was just the right kind of naive and possessive to actually harbor that kind of hope.<br/><br/>And Mau? She wasn't the kind of person who liked to have her hopes denied. She dreamed big and crashed bigger, living as the queen of her own deranged gravitational pull. So how could he have expected any other response when he said that he wasn't coming back? The cognitive dissonance must have yanked Mau straight out of her dreamland and into reality.<br/><br/>But that was only the beginning. If there was one thing that Mau hated even more than her plans not coming to fruition, it was being made to feel unimportant. And that was exactly what he had done when he had mentioned Jackson, an old friend of his. Never mind that Jackson had left Southie years ago, one of the few to escape this little universe. Never mind the fact that Jackson had contacted Ryan unexpectedly and out of the blue, finding him through a mutual friend. No, the only thing that Mau probably heard was just his name, and her mind proceeded to kick into overdrive. And it didn't matter that it was Jackson specifically, per say. It could have been anybody else as well, as long as it wasn't Mau. The only name that she wanted him to say was hers, and he had failed to meet that narcissistic obligation.<br/><br/>It was too late to take the words back, of course. He had tripped one of Mau's moods, her emotions shifting as wildly as a raging whirlwind. One moment she was settling in against him, the next she was gone, her weight removed from his body and her words filled with a vicious bitterness. This wasn't the first time Ryan had experienced one of Mau's devastating mood swings, but years had passed since the last one. Unbidden, a memory bubbled to the forefront of his consciousness.<br/><br/><i>	Ryan touched his hand to his cheek, the fingers feeling the slightest hint of wetness there. Aileen beamed at him with an expression of gratitude. She was new on the block, but she had been having trouble with another street rat that Ryan had helped her out with. No biggie at all, just a couple fists thrown followed by a few words of warning. But unfortunately for Aileen, she had just inadvertently created an even bigger problem for herself. Her kiss had been chaste and meant as nothing more than a thank-you, but none of that mattered. Mau had seen it. And she didn't care what the intent was.</i><br/><br/>The ensuing outburst hadn't been pretty. Ryan's eyes refocused on the pouting girl in front of him, still running through Mau's past explosions. He sighed. It didn't matter. That last memory was more than five years ago, and even then he hadn't taken any of Mau's shit. If she thought that she could change his mind by throwing another one of her emotional tantrums, she had another thing coming. The years of dealing with her firebrand personality had inured him to these vengeful moods, and so his heart barely shifted a single inch. Ryan hadn't come by Sully's to get in a fight with Mau; he kept his face even as Mau turned away, getting ready to down his Guinness and head out.<br/><br/>He was just about to stand up when Mau turned around. The venomous look she had in her eyes was so deeply associated with Mau that he had never forgotten it, and Ryan immediately knew some shit was gonna go down. Despite that, it still took him a few seconds to register her words, delivered with all the poison of a cobra and the contempt of a demon.<br/><br/><i>	Getcha unit killed.<br/>
</i><br/>The mocking voice. The disgusted tone.<br/><i><br/>
	Collateral damage.</i><br/><br/>Despite his best efforts to keep his face neutral, Ryan's eyebrows pinched together into a sharp scowl, his lips pulling tightly into a thin line. Memories. All the memories. Unbidden, knocking on the door to his mind, threatening to get in and take over.<br/><br/>She was just trying to get to him. He couldn't let her words work. A desperate thought that Ryan told himself to calm down. It only worked partially.<br/><br/>"I know what you're trying to do, Mau." Forceful. Underpinned by barely restrained anger. He could have told her to back off, and that would have been that. But he couldn't. "You're so desperate for attention, to be the center of the world, that you'd do anything for me to act like I care about you." A sneer. "And since you can't get me to love you, you have to settle for anger, to make yourself feel important." A deep breath. "It's not going to work."<br/><br/>Ryan stood up and walked behind the counter, grabbing a bottle of whiskey and pouring himself a glass. His fingers clenched around the bottleneck until his knuckles turned white, focusing on the hypnotic way the amber fluid tumbled out of the container. Another deep breath. The worst of the emotional backlash was over, the initial rage slowly fading. But he just couldn't resist another jab. "You want to know how much I value you? Every - single - one of the marines that died in combat - even the ones that I didn't know - was worth a thousand of you."<br/><br/>Ryan downed the whiskey.