Patiently waiting for his son, Jakob, to materialize, Raymond totally understood the reason behind the delay. His son was growing up, and as he did so, he was paying more attention to his appearance while out in public. Which basically translated to a single word: girls. To quote the title of a favored Pat Benatar song,<i>Love Is A Battlefield. </i>Oh, indeed it is, my son. Indeed it is.<br/><br/>Which in turn, reminded him of the short speech The Man In Black said to an unconscious Fezzik from<i>The Princess Bride</i>, shortly after the friendly mountain of a man had been vanquished by puny Westley. Something about not envying the raging headache he’d have upon regaining consciousness. Chuckling at the fond memory, Raymond wondered if Fezzik did indeed dream of large women, just as Westley had instructed him to. As such, the father did not envy the son his imminent time spent on the battlefield of love.<br/><br/>Then again, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Or lost. As usual, any thoughts of the beloved movie inundated his mind’s eye with images and memories of Olivia. Seeing or being near Buttercup produced the same effect. As much as he dearly missed his wife, Raymond wasn’t about to change the horse’s name, not by a longshot. Besides, he knew he couldn’t come up with anything better than Buttercup.<br/><br/>Finally, Prince Charming decided now was as good a time as any to make an appearance. His dad gave him the once over (though<i>nothing </i>like Olivia would’ve been able to do), while at the same time, masking a smirk. “You do know your appointment was yesterday, right?” he innocently asked.<br/><br/>An easily flustered Jakob replied, “C’mon, Dad, quit messin’ around. We’ll be late.”<br/><br/>“Late?!” Raymond incredulously repeated. “Since when do you have any concept of time? I’m just surprised you were actually able to pry yourself away from the mirror.”<br/><br/>“How, uh, how do you know I was in front of a mirror?” his son asked.<br/><br/>“Aha! Busted.” Jakob snorted, then laughed. “Look, Jake, your birthday is right around the corner. A few fair maidens at school had to have caught your eye by now, yes?” A wink wasn’t exactly helpful, although it did cause Jakob to blush. Mission accomplished then, his dad cheekily thought.<br/><br/>“No. No one, Dad,” he answered. Raymond knew he was withholding vital intel, but he left it at that. All shall be revealed in due time, he surmised. Meanwhile, some shucking and jiving were still to be had, all at his son’s expense, of course.<br/><br/>Securely strapped in to their respective seats in the Ford F-150 Raptor, Raymond slyly inquired, “Now, Jake, you are aware of the fact that today’s appointment is with a medical doctor, and<i>not </i>with a dating service, right?”<br/><br/>Despite himself, Jakob laughed out loud, even managing to cuff his dad on the shoulder. “Geez, Dad, will you stop already?” he chastised. Laughter still resonating within the truck’s cab, he continued. “Were you always like this? With Mom, too?”<br/><br/>A raised left brow, which Mr. Spock would most assuredly be proud of, greeted his inquisitive offspring. “Always like what?” he responded, feigning hurtfulness.<br/><br/>“Y’know, always joking and goofing around,” he said. That’s right. Jakob’s accurate observation reminded him that when Olivia was taken from them, their son was too young to make heads or tails of his parents’ interactions, let alone their conversations. One of his most cherished sounds his wife ever made was her laugh. And he made damn sure to hear it as often as possible. So yeah, a definite affirmative on the “always joking and goofing around” bit.<br/><br/>“Oh, hell yeah, Jake,” he eventually said. “See, I was very clearly instructed, soon after we were married, from the highest level of the Jedi Knights to make your mother laugh as often as possible. Why? Well, they told me that every time she laughed, it resulted in the birth of another Unicorn. I know. Don’t ask.” The Ford Raptor rumbled along, shrugging off all the bullshit. “Thing is, about your mom?” Jakob sat quietly while looking at his father, intent on the story at hand. “She always gave as good as she got. And I’ve always loved her for that, Jake.” The boy’s eyes slightly watered, as he smiled warmly at his father. The remainder of their journey to the clinic in town was completed in silence, not counting a heady mix of Soundgarden songs pumping through the truck’s stereo.<br/><br/><div style="text-align: center">&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;&lt; &lt; &lt; &lt; &lt; &lt;​</div><br/>Clean. Way too clean. Jakob and Raymond were more used to the scents of the outdoors, on a daily basis, always had on offer. Although reassuringly hygienic and glaringly white (mostly), the pair relaxed in the waiting room, already missing the smells from the countryside. Or at least, one of the two was relaxed.<br/><br/>“So, uh, Dad. What do you know about, um, this Dr. McCallington?”<br/><br/>It was an odd question, to say the least. Visually marking his place and page number, Raymond closed his latest copy of<i>The Hockey News. </i>First, a glance at his son, soon followed by a question. “What about the doctor? Me, I know nothing. First time you, first time me.”<br/><br/>“Well, y’know,” Jakob shakenly began. “Is it, like, a girl doctor or a boy doctor?”<br/><br/>"What?! A girl or boy doctor? What are you on about, Jake?” he asked with a quizzical expression.<br/><br/>And still, the boy stumbled over his answers. “It’s just that, uh, y’know, she’ll probably, um. . .”<br/><br/>“Oh, for cryin’ out loud,” Raymond stated, finally getting it. “Is this about how she might see your willy?”<br/><br/>“Well, duh, Dad.”<br/><br/>“Relax, Jake,” he said, hoping to sound reassuring, but clearly not pulling it off. Raymond struggled to hide his amusement. “Do you really think yours is the first one she’s seeing? C’mon, Jake, take it easy, buddy. She’s a doctor; I’m sure she’s seen legions of ‘em.”<br/><br/>“She’ll pinch a nut,” Jakob argued, remaining ill at ease.<br/><br/>“No, she won’t. She might squeeze it a bit, but definitely not pinching. Not the same thing,” the father explained.<br/><br/>“Okay, she’ll tell me to turn to the right and cough.”<br/><br/>“You’re probably right about that, but maybe she’ll tell you to turn to the left and sneeze.” Although Jakob ceased arguing, he still seemed nervous. “Y’know, if McCallington turns out to be a boy doctor, this ridiculous conversation will have been for nothing.” Raymond smiled, though his son stayed silent.<br/><br/>Just then, an aide approached the pair, informing them that Dr. McCallington was waiting for them in Room 2. Before she could disappear into the ether, Raymond stopped her with a simple, yet odd question. “Could you tell me if Dr. McCallington is a man or a woman, please?”<br/><br/>Yep, one very odd question. The aide glanced at father, then to son, and back again. A smirk curved her lips. “Oh, she’s a woman alright,” she said, turning on her heels and leaving them to ponder the current situation. Jakob looked as if he’d pass out at any second.<br/><br/>Placing both hands on his son’s shoulders, Raymond quietly said, “Look, champ, I tell you what. If you really don’t wanna do this, I’ll go to Room 2 and tell her you’re not feeling well. We leave and reschedule, making sure we get a boy doctor next time.” Jakob appeared to perk up at the suggestion. Little did he know, his father wasn’t quite done yet. “But know this. If we leave without that physical, and approval from her, you won’t be allowed to practice. And if I remember correctly, practice starts this week, right?” His son nodded, and Raymond could feel his shoulders slump a little. “Totally your call, Jake.”<br/><br/>Now outside of Room 2, Raymond offered one last piece of advice. “Okay, if she turns out to be good looking, ignore that fact. Just pretend she’s the most ugly-ass Orc you’ve ever seen. And the only way to take her smelly, ugly-ass down? I barrage her with a double-enchanted Warhammer, while you dual-wield a Dagger and a Mace, both also double-enchanted, naturally. She don’t stand a chance against The Sanheim Slayers of Skank!”<br/><br/>Jakob’s laughter warmed his heart, and Raymond reminded him that it produced yet another Unicorn. They entered Room 2 as a team, and as a team were equally gobsmacked when the doctor stood to introduce herself and inquire as to the reason for the visit. "Now then, I'm Doctor McCallington. How can I help you today?"<br/><br/>Raymond nudged his son into action, be that as it may, and while Jakob steadfastly explained his need for a physical examination in order to play sports, his dad eyed the doctor, though he made it a point not to stare. Tendrils of familiarity gnawed at his psyche, which he quickly brushed aside. Her name rang no bells for him. He eventually shrugged it all off, figuring it was another case of mistaken identity.<br/><br/>Dr. McCallington excused herself, with a hand on Jakob’s shoulder, as she guided him behind a movable curtain. After a thumbs-up to his son, he settled into a chair, place and page number from his copy of<i>The Hockey News </i>were once again located. Didn’t matter. Not one word was read.