He was confused. His heart was heavy and empty at the same time, while his blood should be cold but it was moving fast and gaining heat from friction. He sighed and didn't even look when Keida left. He'd felt superior to the boy who'd left their trio of friends, but now there was very little question as to who had gotten what he wanted. He hated Keida and hated himself for being weak. He wanted to have killed his childhood friend, but part of him knew it was good to have been stopped. His eyes closed when she came to him.<br/><br/>He held on, and then his eyes opened to spill tears down his chin and on her shoulder. It was cathartic to be rid of the suspicion he'd felt, but it was also painful to have the though of inadequacy in his stomach and the weight of their divide between them. He squeezed her to him. It should be hard, this kind of love, because it was so grand, but he'd never known it would feel like this. He hadn't just lost her, he'd lost his feeling of confidence that he'd carried all his life. He didn't know it then, but this incident would echo into all his future relationships.<br/><br/>"Didn't I satisfy you?" he asked when she sat him up by his hands. "I... can I be better?" He suddenly heard her breaths again, and saw the vivid enjoyment of her face when he'd opened the door. It made him shameful because it made him hard, and reminded him of what he was lacking. How humiliating. He'd never really fought or challenged his own worth as a partner before. He felt weak in his body and like he'd shrunken. "I'll... I'll be like Keida." he said but there was no power in his usually bright voice, and his lips were hollow, hanging. Desperation, because he wanted to erase all that had happened, somehow. "If that's what you want."<br/><br/>He reached out and pulled her in to kiss her. If he was able to snare her he'd put his lips to hers, hard. It was a desperate attempt, as bitter in feeling as it was salt to the taste. He ended up with his forehead to hers, squeezing her shoulders and crying. "I... I'll learn to be like him." he muttered by all the radiance had gone out of him. This was not his area of confidence. He'd not be confident in a long time, after today. Eventually he wiped his face on his sleeve. He turned his head away. "I thought I'd marry you, Haley." he mumbled. Not think about you with sadness and arousal for the rest of my life.