Her words always did get in her way, so his question about giving up? Girl just lolled her head back, as if it weighed too much to hold upright, a pitiable noise riding out on a breath she finally let go of. Why won’t she? Those fingers curled in on his face. Mau wanted so badly to feel them break his skin, cut through the scruff, but she done that to herself. He’d feel her knuckles instead so she could dig her pink chipped nails into her palm, leaving four stinging, red shaped, half moons beneath them. Needed to feel some form of self harm to stay grounded;<i><b>how can you? </b></i>Would have answered his question with one of her own, except she didn’t wanna know what he would say after it. She was trapped, and cornered, and ensnared by<i>all</i>of him. So much at one time - his size, his smell, his warmth and his bitter goddamned cold - her head was raining as much as her eyes were those black tears, that now ran off into her hair above her thrice pierced ears.<br/><br/>If Ryan wasn’t so locked up, he never would have said those things. He couldn’t really believe them, nah?<i>Her life.</i>Oh she would have laughed in his face! But Mau wasn’t having fun anymore. She did not like this game. Didn’t wanna dance to this song. What had she done to be so loathsome? Other than be herself, to have him right there in her face, all but begging for her to let him go. Is that what he’d come back for? To see if she’d given up, gotten on, and forgot all about him? Ryan knew her long enough to know better, something in his subconscious wanted to find her. Had to! He didn’t have to stop by Sully’s. Could’ve avoided the whole God forsaken neighborhood to not run the risk of her seeing him and Mau would have been<i>fine</i>.<i><b>Just fucking fine.</b></i>Would have came home and sat alone like she did when Nina or the rest of them weren’t around, smoke a blunt to tire her demons. Wake up in the afternoon, take her meds, and do it again. She wished she could hate him---she<b>should</b>hate him. Had every right to if she was just strong enough to hold onto it.<br/><br/>A guttural groan had her chest rising, “I did.” She breathed;<i>give up on you.</i>But that changed in an instant, and now she was right back to<i><b>that</b></i>morning when she woke up reaching out and grabbing air. Mau was still reaching, clawing, and Ryan was right there! Yet he wouldn’t let her take hold and she just didn’t understand it.<br/><i>No</i>, he said, and she began to lift her head to look at him again but his hand helped her do it. Wet lashes fluttered against her cheek, Mau kept blinking the blear away until he came in clear. Ryan didn’t have to squeeze, cause she leaned into that lethal hand all of her own will just enough that the warm wind he sneered out, was so welcomed into her mouth.<i>Steal my breath and give me yours. </i><br/><br/><i>Look at me </i><br/>She was. Right leg bending, knee leaning outward, and they molded perfectly for it.<br/><i>This is who I am. </i><br/><br/>Fingers splayed over the length of his jaw again, but then like he’d stung her they fell and folded over the wrist of the hand she bared her throat to. He was right, and that revelation struck her like lightning; Mau didn’t know him. Of all the times she’d made him so fucking mad all he could see was red? Tunnel vision of rage, forcing him to do things he’d hate himself for after? There was always a break in the storm clouds of those eyes of his, and she’d see herself in them. Not this time though, and it gutted her. He was torn?<i>She was crushed</i>. Forced to stand in a pool of her own arousal, and longing, and fear,<i><b>alone</b></i>because his resolve, however waning it might have been, was much greater than her own. Mau was going feeble, even as her body moved on muscle memory - knowing how to fit against his so preciously.<br/><br/><i>Is that what you want? </i><br/><br/>The flicker of his old self he felt? Had her breathless, hand sliding down his arm leaving the faintest twinge of a crimson streak on his skin, “If ya just walked away...” Finally, after several thundering beats passed between them, Mau found her voice after pulling off the groove of his hold a fraction of an inch. But her head tipped and chin tilted, sweeping liquor lips over his, rubbing them with every syllable and that’s what put<i>some</i>flare back into her, “What could I really say?” Was she giving him an open-out? Again, he should know better. Her words would be just whispers - their secrets, no matter that nobody else was around. And it wasn’t a question meant for him to answer, but rather convey what she felt. It was perilous, Mau knew that, but skirting hazard lines had always been her thing, “Would it matter anyways?” She angrily fisted his shirt, lips tremulous with an effort to shut herself up but she couldn’t, “Would it change how you feel?”<i>Please don’t say anything</i>she thought in abrupt panic, knowing he’d tell her<i><b>no</b></i>, so to ensure that Ryan didn't get the chance? She caught his unforgiving lips -- wasn’t nothing out there that could hurt like his fucking mouth -- with her own.<br/><br/>He could kiss her, or he could strangle her, or he could do both so long as he just didn’t<i>leave</i>her.