Had Ryan meant for his words to cut Mau so deeply? No, that hadn't been his intent when he had spoken. His quietly furious words had left him in a barely controlled fit of rage, the aftermath of the intense emotions that Mau had elicited. But there was also that part of him that had known exactly what he was doing, exactly what his words would do to her. As much as he thought that the war had changed him, dragged him out of Southie, there was still that lonely and angry boy that raged inside of him, the dregs of their fucked-up childhood. And it was that boy that knew Mau like the back of his hand, knew the exact places to dig into her heart and soul and tear it out. It was that boy, and it was Ryan, who knew and would always know Mau and how to inflict her with a gaping wound and leave her crumpled and begging at his feet. Either intentionally or unintentionally, Mau's words had drawn that part of him out again, his emotional turmoil throwing the emotional reins back to the part of him that knew her best.<br/><br/>So just as much as Ryan hadn't meant to attack Mau with a vicious and deliberate incisions, so too had he done so unwittingly.<br/><br/><i>	Yours!</i><br/><br/>Mau's screech filled the semi-crowded pub, but it echoed through Ryan's head even more loudly, reverberating and rattling the synaptic pathways that led to memories lost and found. He knew that she was telling the truth. No matter how much they had fought and screamed and attacked each other, she had only ever stayed true to him. She had never even entertained the thought of leaving him, or of him leaving her. She had been one of the only constants in his life, and he had been just about the only constant in hers. Almost everything she did, she did to please him in her own fucked up way, and he had only been too happy to reciprocate in turn. It had been a blessing and a curse and everything in between. He had manipulated her and twisted her obsessive attachment for his own gain, but he had developed his own reliance on her as well. He had been able to bring Mau to her knees, but she had inadvertently developed a deep understanding of him as well.<br/><br/>God. This kind of confrontation wasn't at all what he had expected when he had decided on a whim to come to Sully's. But he should have. With Mau, how could this have been anything but inevitable? He hadn't planned for any of this. But in his subconscious anger he had placed his verbal jabs like thrusts of a spear, carefully calibrated to strike at all of her weak points.<br/><br/>He had her trembling now, shivering with rage and disbelief and insecurity. He could see the composure in Mau's mind shattering and splintering, her nerves fraying to pieces. Tears glistened on her cheeks, slight silvereen trails of wetness. No matter how cold-hearted Ryan was, no matter how angry Mau had made him, his heart wasn't made of stone. He felt a slight twinge of sympathy, a small tug that threatened to pull him back to times long gone. Was he a liar? Did he still harbor any feelings for her? He had to, right? Mau was the one that had shared his bed for night after lonely night. He could remember their passion very vividly. He remembered it in the way their limbs intertwined under a thin sheet, the way their bare skin touched and sent electric shocks through his body.<br/><br/>The more Ryan wanted to leave, the more he was being dragged back in. Was this his punishment for everything he had done?<br/><br/><i>Leave</i>. The word echoed and drove its way under Ryan's skin, squirming into the depths of his psyche. The whiskey in his system had his thoughts abuzz, confused. He set the empty glass down on the bar with a soft clink, his hand darting out and grabbing Mau's outstretched wrist. What was he supposed to say? Ryan took a deep breath, roiling with anger and frustration and who knew what else. He stepped forward until he was looking down at Mau, their bodies separated by inches, his fingers tight around her wrist. "If you want me to leave, I'm going now, Mau." God, how had such a simple visit devolved into this shitshow? "I can't stand the sight of your pain right now."