<i>Had some great memories together huh? </i>Took that bottle back from him, tipping it enough that she got a mouthful, wished she had a lemon -<i>never a lime</i>- to sink her teeth into when it scalded her pallet. Those eyes fell away from his face though the second they caught the most minuscule sliver of softness on those hard edges, not knowing what to do with it. Fancy that right? Her probing for something then turning coward when she got it, or, almost did. They fixed on his sternum, unblinking during his promise those<i> great memories </i>would always be apart of him, then fluttered rapidly and she took one more swallow. Passed it back to him. Ran fingers with too many rings on them through her hair above each ear, gathering it all up at the back of her head and pulling just enough to feel a bite in her scalp cause she had to fee<b>something</b>. It wasn’t that which he mentioned she wasn’t able to understand! It was…<i> if he couldn’t, then why did he? Come back. </i><br/>Oh,<i>Jackson</i>, right---<i><b>no</b></i>. She didn’t buy that, and Mau shook her head to refute it too, though he might’ve mistaken that for her listening to him tell her what it was like over there; she wasn’t. Not really. It registered, sure, but the girl was getting hung up.<br/><br/><br/>Hung up on his reasons for being there - the ones he claimed anyways.<br/>So, what was this, like… closure? Ryan had to know better!<br/>Had to know the only closure she’d accept was him staying gone.<br/>Contrary to popular belief the girl had found a steady ground to stand on.<br/>She was<i>okay</i>. But the twenty feet of...<i>progress</i>… she’d made?<br/>Ryan, standing there in her home, knocked her back fifteen.<br/>Now she had one foot on her platform, and the other on a train.<br/>What, with his constant repetitions of the same fucking thing said in a hundred different ways?<i>Only for a night, paths diverged, not gettin dragged back, can’t go back to that, can’t go back to the same old thing, have to get out.</i>They played like a dusty vinyl record with a dull needle - going round and round and round in her crossfaded mind making her eyes wince and chest constrict. Maybe if she hadn’t chased the blow with tequila then Mau could be a soft place to land for him -<i>just for one night</i>. To let out his demons and be the proverbial ear and shoulder Ryan might have needed to alleviate whatever burdens he carried but as it were, he just made her feel like she wanted to crawl out of her own skin. Kinda wanted to play with those demons too. Hey it was her that asked him to come rightt? As the oldest adage goes, careful what you wish for. But... he's the one who agreed.<br/><br/>They both knew what the fuck they were doing no matter what trip-wires they trampled through.<br/><br/>So again, she raised those lids and wild green gems right back up to his, something like a smirk on her mouth and a snort from her nose, but she was just breathing too hard. Chest moving up and down, quick and shallow. She’d choose anger over desolation and brazen over timid no matter if it was all an act,  “You<i><b>don’t know</b></i>who ya are.” She corrected him with a provoking giggle weaved through those words, taking one step closer, “But I do.” Her voice lilted, and was very matter of fact, as her feet kept moving to close the already small gap between them. Had to crane her neck further and further the closer she got too, to be able to keep looking at him, “That’s<i>why</i>ya here.” Mau stopped moving when the tips of her bare toes bumped against his, “Cause you want reminded.” Was she delusional? Maybe. But his stoicism was making her unravel.<i><b>He</b></i>!<i>His</i>very fucking presence, was making her unhinged, because five years was devastating and her body was in severe withdrawal pining for relapse. Ryan was detrimental to her pscyhe, not the other way around, able to set her ablaze but oh how she loved to burn. It’s why she grabbed his face, not much different than she had back at the pub only this time was feverish, a little harsher, and Mau raised up on the balls of her feet to level with him as much as she was able, “So stop fucking saying that!”<i>I can’t go back, I can’t do this, I can’t be here.</i>Cause he was right there! So she begged and commanded at the same time. Let go of that precious fuckin face of his with a slight shove, tell tale sign of her animus, and reached for the button of his jeans, “And let me show you... “<i> Who. You. Are. </i><br/><br/>Yea she was pushing. Yes she was reaching. For him to show her a sign  of damned life inside him that she knew still existed and Mau would just assume slice her own throat before she remained standing there looking at a hollowed out shell of who he used to be.