Eivind seemed to be full of surprises tonight, and the typically prickly wolf opened up to him without argument, although Blue could tell that he wasn't exactly comfortable with doing so. Blue listened quietly, his feet lightly stepping along the ground beside his companion's as they gradually began to make their way back to Eivind's house. The wolf's story about his father and his failure to live up to what must have been lifelong expectations was succinct, but it still inspired a handful of questions that tumbled around in Blue's mind, begging for an answer.<i>Who killed your father?</i>he wanted to ask, his fingers twitching impatiently at his sides as Eivind made it clear that even now, he still wanted nothing to do with his predestined role as alpha.<i>Why did you run away? What were you afraid of? Why did you come back?</i>He wondered how long ago all this happened; Eivind had briefly mentioned that Sieger had been alpha for a long time<i>, </i>but it apparently hadn't been long enough for others to forget and forgive him for his actions. He thought to himself how it would have made sense if Eivind had been around his age when his father's death had occurred, maybe even a year or two younger. Had Blue been shoved into a situation where he was required to take responsibility for dozens of families and ensure their happiness and livelihood, he certainly wouldn't know what to do and would shirk the responsibility as well. But Blue had never been trained for such an eventuality. Eivind had. Even if it had all occurred years ago, it still made Blue slightly uneasy to consider the prospect that if Eivind had abandoned his duties once he might do so again. With seemingly half of the pack against them, if not more, Eivind's abandonment would result in nothing other than Blue's death. Sieger had already made it perfectly clear that no one intended on letting Blue leave with his life.<br/><br/><i>"I do still go off sometimes, but I wouldn't leave you. I don't want you to believe that." </i>Eivind's words stuck out in Blue's mind, as if he had sensed the boy's wary thoughts and wanted to combat them immediately so as not to let them marinate. Blue nodded in response, offering Eivind nothing more than a light "mhm" when the wolf huffed and decided to continue on with the conversation. So far, the wolf had given Blue no reason to believe that he would ever walk out on him and leave him at his pack's mercy. He had protected him at every opportunity and seen to his every need, even during that depressing stretch when they hadn't been speaking to one another. Even if Eivind had rejected his obligations in the past, he was older now and presumably wiser. But Blue wasn't sure what it was about him that would inspire such loyalty in Eivind, or if it was really him at all. Maybe it was just the connection, the gut feeling Eivind got whenever he looked at him. A horrid thought returned to him in that moment, one that he had entertained days before when Eivind had initially told him about the concept of predetermined mates. What if Eivind was doing all this simply because his instinct told him to, not because he truly wanted it? How much of Blue did Eivind actually like other than his mangled body? The wolf had admitted that he hadn't planned on ever finding a mate, and that Blue was, in the simplest terms, not ideal. At what point would Eivind decided that he was more trouble than he was worth and run from him, just as he had the rest of his pack? Despite the wolf's assurances, the boy was now wracked with uncertainty, which was most likely precisely what Freyr had wanted.<br/><br/>Blue only half-listened to Eivind's explanation about how consummation of their relationship would look favorable to the pack, especially as Blue had been taken seemingly against his will. Although Blue had agreed to come with Eivind, it was either run with a stranger or stay and face Lofgren's wrath, so the choice hadn't truly been much of one at all. Viewing their situation through that lens, he could understand why some of the wolves would believe Blue to be a threat. He had no connection to anything there, no reason remain loyal to the pack, save maybe for Eivind, but now he wasn't so sure. "They're not completely wrong," Blue said gently, slowly lifting up his head to look up at the star-peppered night sky. "I would slit Lofgren's throat myself if I could. Or set him on fire. All of them on fire. I could watch Lofgren's pack burn alive and not feel one single ounce of guilt for their suffering." Blue's voice was flat as he spoke, as if he had considered the act a million times and it had lost all aspects of gruesomeness to it. "But I would never hurt you," he added, pulling his gaze away from the sky and letting his eyes wander over Eivind. He picked his words carefully, intentionally using "you" instead of "your pack" for reasons he didn't think Eivind would bother looking into. Truthfully, Blue had no desire to hurt anyone in Eivind's pack, except maybe for Freyr, but the red-headed twat deserved nothing more than a good right-hand hook to the jaw. Certainly not death. But he couldn't pretend to care about a group of people who casually debated about ending his life, as if he were a sickly stray cat that someone had scooped up and brought home without permission. He would never wish harm on Eivind, nor Synnove or Alaric, the only other two wolves who had shown him kindness. Everyone else was a stranger, and dangerous strangers at that, and Blue's good will could only extend so far.<br/><br/>As soon as they entered the house, Eivind began fussing over him, and Blue couldn't stop himself from sighing in response. "The house is fine," he said simply, lazily following the wolf into the kitchen and watching with sullen eyes as he began rummaging through the fridge. "No, I didn't eat anything. Or sleep. I got a little preoccupied with a project in the bedroom." He brought up a hand to his face and rubbed at his temples, trying to push back a headache that was forming at the edges of his skull. "I had a couple pills," he said dismissively, not wanting to reveal to Eivind how he had had to pop a few extra painkillers just to move the dresser.<br/><br/>He tried to focus on Eivind's questions but his own mind was racing, and he knew that if he didn't get some kind of answer to soothe his worried mind that there was no way he was going to get any kind of rest, no matter how much Eivind pushed for it. "Eivind, what do you like about me?" he asked suddenly, dropping his hand away from his head and looking to Eivind with a dark, intense look in his silvery eyes. "I get that I'm your mate, and you feel this obligation toward me, but other than that, is there anything that you, you know, enjoy? If you didn't feel this instinctual pull to me, would you still be interested? Would you still want to stay?"<br/><br/>Freyr's words had gotten deeper underneath Blue's skin than he had expected, and now feelings of doubt gripped unpleasantly at Blue with long, cold fingers. He was suddenly unsure of whether Eivind would be able to commit to him, to claim him so fully, to stay with him and support him when needed, if just the knowledge that Blue was supposed to be his mate was truly enough to bind the two males together. Blue hated feeling so dependent on someone else, but he had no one. He had nothing. Only Eivind.