"I have no doubt he's a good guy, it's just his zeal that concerns and intimidates me. Your concerns are noted, though, commander. I can handle whatever you throw at me." He winked slyly, the goading meant to encourage a certain sort of idea. Instead, she called Faust over to enlighten him on the nuances of turian hierarchy and government. He gave her a rueful glare as the turian closed and the commander slipped away. If it hadn't been such a brilliantly tactical mislead he would have resented it. As it was he just wanted her more.<br/><br/>Cole soon learned over the next sixteen hours that the crew of the Anzio didn't really allow for pre-op downtime. He could understand that--appreciate it, even, in a situation like this. Diving headlong into the unknown wasn't something even these people did on any level of frequency. The less time they had to consider everything that could go wrong, the more prepared they'd be. And besides which, cleaning guns, organizing supplies, even preparing meal packs to take into the field--it helped. The regiments were mindless, designed to be just busy enough to keep you engaged without draining your energy or focus to the point of exhaustion.<br/><br/>After a long shift spent organizing crates of medical supplies with Faustus, cleaning guns with Calypso, a real talk with Talyet that still somehow led to the drell asking after his penis, and an attempt to help Pol with any engineering tasks that resulted in the krogan silently glaring at him with one eye until he left the engineering deck completely, Cole was prepared to just take a few minutes for himself. He checked out the lounges, one set up for a more quiet observation of the stars outside, the other with the bar, and decided on his favorite immediately. He mixed himself a glass of something fruity and sweet, more juice than booze, then stood gazing at the stars as he sipped it.<br/><br/>He thought about his sister. Jennica. A scientist posted at Grissom Academy, just as brilliant as he was, and twice as charming. He had sent her a message when he'd been discharged. Something brief, something to acknowledge that he would survive, even if he felt lost. Betrayed. Cast out. His younger brother, Marcus, a student at Grissom himself. A savant, in truth. Cole had envied Mark's ability to learn, to take any sort of material and digest it and comprehend it. He struggled socially, but Cole had helped him through that when he was younger. The Vanes family would not want for anything--not if Cole could help it. Not since their parents--<br/><br/>He sat down abruptly, drink splashing over his hand as emotion overwhelmed him. He set it down and covered his face with both hands as tears stung his eyes and burned down his cheeks. He had raised them, both of them practically, and his military career had been in large part<i>for</i>them. They would be taken care of, he knew, but for all intents and purposes he was dead to them. He would never share another training anecdote with Jen or help Mark navigate a new social briar patch. He would never hold them again or see them smile. Why had he agreed to this so readily? Why had he given up everything to go rushing off into who knew what? He choked back a small sob and looked again at the stars, forcing himself to breathe.<br/><br/>It would<i>not</i>end like that. He would not disappear from the lives of his siblings forever. Not without some kind of explanation. They deserved as much. "AIDEN, where is Commander Amari?"<br/><br/><i>The Commander is in the Combat Information Center.<br/>
</i><br/>"Thanks." He stood, but paused when the AI spoke up again.<br/><br/><i>Sir, your drink remains on the table.<br/>
</i><br/>"Yeah, guess so. Help yourself."<br/><br/><i>I cannot do so, sir. Sir? Lieutenant? Oh.<br/>
</i><br/>Cole took the lift up to the CIC and found Amari quickly, approaching her directly but carefully. He didn't want to seem too eager or desperate. After one more swipe across his eyes he cleared his throat. "Commander? If you don't mind, I'd like to speak with you privately about something. Something personal." He kept his tone controlled, allowing no playfulness to slip into his tone. He didn't want her thinking he'd come looking for a booty call.<br/><br/>Not yet, anyway.