I've just got to talk about this problem I'm having with my postman. It all began a year ago, after the birth of his first child. Not wanting to appear rude, I asked him about the baby. The next week, not wanting him to think I had asked out of mere politeness the week before, I asked all about the baby again. Now I can't break the habit. I freeze whenever I see him coming. The words "How's the baby?" come out on their own. It holds me up. It holds him up. So why can't I stop it? The answer is that I want him to like me. Come to think of it, I want everyone to like me. My sister had the same problem with the caretaker of her block of flats: "All he ever does is complain; he talks at me rather than to me, never listens to a word I say, and yet for some reason I'm always really nice to him. I'm worried in case I have a difficulty one day, and he won't lift a finger to help." What about at work? Richard Lawton, a management trainer, warns: "Those managers who are actually liked by most of their staff are always those to whom being liked is not the primary goal. The qualities that make managers popular are being honest with staff, treating them as human beings and observing common politeness like saying hello in the morning." To explain the point, Richard mentions the story of the company chairman who desperately wanted to be liked and who, after making one of his managers fired, said with moist   eyes that he was so, so sorry the man was leaving. The employee replied: "If you were that sorry, I wouldn't be leaving." The lesson being, therefore, that if you try too hard to be liked, people won't like you. The experts say it all starts in childhood. "If children feel they can only get love from their parents by being good," says Zelda West-Meads, a marriage guidance consultant, "they develop low self-confidence and become _ ." But is there anything wrong in being a giver, the world not being exactly short of takers? Anne Cousins believes there is. "There is a point at which giving becomes unhealthy," she says. "It comes when you do things for others but feel bad about it." I am now trying hard to say to people "I feel uncomfortable about saying this, but..." and tell myself "Refusal of a request does not mean rejection of a person" and I find I can say almost anything to almost anyone. Managers are more likely to be popular if they   _  .
help the staff with their problems make sure the staff do not lose their jobs encourage the staff to be polite to each other do not make too much effort to be liked