I  learned a  long  time ago  that hair has meanings--plenty of meanings. Growing up  in  the 1960s, my friends and I struggled without parents' control over the length and style of our hair. At  the  time,  hair  represented  our  need  to  break  free  from  adults  in  our  lives.  Long  hair represented our freed inner selves. My clients are often surprised when I asked them questions about their hairstyle--why they choose it, how else they've worn their hair, how they feel about it, and so on. However, while it may  seem  to  be  a  simple  topic,  even  today  our  hairstyles  still  have many  psychological  and emotional meanings. Understanding some of those meanings can lead to understanding of many different aspects of a person's mind. How we view our hair,  for example, can show something about how we view ourselves. Our  hair  can  show  physical  and  emotional wellbeing,  desirability,  and  even  social  and financial  status. When  it  becomes  dull  or  fragile,  it  can  communicate  emotional  and  physical diseases. But hair can also show unrecognized and often unspoken daydreams about oneself and one's world. One woman--a successful professional--wore her long hair in a thick bun . But  one  day  she  showed me  that  tangled  hair was kept  in  the bun. She  said  that  she never brushed out the tangles because the hair showed her secret image of herself as a helpless, disturbed woman, like Ophelia in the play Hamlet. Another woman came to therapy in a huge shirt and huge pants that she believed they could hide the weight she had put on since the birth of her child. She talked about how much she hated her  body  and  how  helpless  she  felt  about  doing  anything  about  it.  But  her  hair  was  always beautifully  coloured  and  decorated. When  I  pointed  out  that  she  seemed  to  have  a  different relationship with her hair  from she did with her body, she said  that her hair had been  thinning and  that she was  trying  to make  it  look as good as she  could.  I pointed out  that what she was doing  with  her  hair  and  her  body  was  kind  of  contradictory,  and  wondered  if  she  had  any thoughts about that. She was surprised. But as we talked about her contradictory attitudes towards different parts of her physical self, we began to open up all sorts of other thoughts and ideas about her inner self. And interestingly, as we continued opening those internal doors, changes started to happen. She started eating differently and exercising  regularly. One day some months  later, she appeared  in my  office  in  skinny  jeans  and  a  tight  sweater,  and  her  hair was  pulled  back  in  a  ponytail.  "I decided to see what would happen if I stopped trying to hide myself, " she said with a big smile. "And...?  "  I  asked.  "People  keep  smiling  at  me  in  the  street. My  husband  hugged  me  this morning for the first time in ages. And I feel good! " Besides, selfrespect in both men and women can be damaged by thinning hair;they may feel  alone  even  though  they  are  really  not. Given  our  cultural  focus  on  physical  appearance, youth, and health, hair loss can be unpleasant for both men and women. The market is filled with hairenhancing  treatments, but  there  are  those who  have decided  to be  against  the  system  and change to the "bald is beautiful" position. But it is much harder for women to take the "bald is beautiful" approach to hair loss. We tend to try to hide it in one way or another. But no matter what approach you use, it is important to remember that the thickness of your hair  has  nothing  to  do with  your  value  in  the world. Remember  that  you  have  nothing  to  be ashamed of if you have thinning hair. Thinning hair may not be something you can change, but it doesn't have to control how you represent the person who lives underneath it. Why does the author ask clients questions about their hairstyle?
Because this topic can reduce clients' pain. Because the hairstyle can reflect one's inner self. Because it's a simple topic to start a conversation. Because this is a topic most people are interested in.