The day my husband fell to his death,it started to snow,just like any November day.His body,when I found it,was lightly covered with snow.It snowed almost every day for the next four months,while I sat on the couch and watched it pile up.One morning,I _ downstairs and was surprised to see a snow remover clearing my driveway and the bent back of a woman shoveling my walk.I dropped to my knees,crawled through the living room.And back up stairs so those good people would not see me.I was embarrassed.My first thought was,how would I ever repay them? I didn't have the strength to brush my hair let alone shovel someone's walk. Before John's death,I took pride in the fact that I rarely asked for help or favors,I defined myself by my competence and independence.So who was I if I was no longer capable and busy? How could I respect myself if all I did was sit on the couch every day and watch the snowfall? Learning how to receive the love and support that came my way wasn't easy.Friends cooked forme and l cried because I couldn't even help them set the table."I'm not usually this lazy,"I wept.Finally,my friend Kathy sat down with me and said,"Mary,cooking for you is not a burden. I love you and I want to do it.It makes me feel good to be able to do something for you." Over and over,I heard similar emotions from the people who supported me during those dark days.One very wise man told me,"You are not doing nothing.Being fully open to your sorrow may be the hardest work you will everdo." I am not the person I once was,but in many ways I have changed for the better.My heart is now filled with thanks for people around me.I have been surprised to learn that there is incredible freedom that comes from facing one's worst fear and walking away whole.I believe there is strength,for sure,in accepting a dark period of our life. We can describe the writer before her husband died as the following except   _  .
hard-working independent smart capable