For many years there's been a debate about rewarding our children. Does it work? Is it effective? Some people think we should establish a standard with our kids and give them something for meeting this standard as a reward. Punishment is given out in much the same way, but it's used when certain standards of performance, behavior, etc. have not been met. Kids will often become more dutiful when threatened with punishment, and work harder when promised a valuable reward. The problem is what happens when you aren't around. To develop responsible, self-disciplined   kids, parents need to promote certain ideas. One of these ideas is that everyone pitches in   and helps in your family, even if someone is not crazy about helping. Another idea is that there can be enjoyment in doing any task if we choose to make it so. When a task is for a worthy cause (our family can enjoy the house more because I have helped clean it), and when parents are cheerful about their chores, this message can have a big impact. This is how we help our kids develop a sense of responsibility. When our children develop this responsibility, they'll be more disciplined, and they'll control their emotions better. When we give rewards to our kids, we reduce the sense of responsibility. We also create children who may temporarily perform to a certain standard, but who aren't likely to continue the performance without the carrot hanging in front of them. "Rewards and punishment can change behavior for a while, but they cannot change the person who engages in the behavior, at least in the way we want," said Alfie Kohn, author of Punished by Rewards. "Good values have to be grown from the inside out." Parents can help give their children a sense of shared responsibility and discipline which can last a lifetime. The real rewards that your children receive will be their readiness for the complex and demanding world that waits for them-- a world that rewards those who have learned the secrets of discipline and responsibility. So keep those shiny rewarding to yourself, and  _ . According to the passage, Alfie Kohn would agree that parents should_.
pay no attention to the way their children do things never punish their children show their children how to behave by example help their children establish good values