What is the main testing ground of fears about incomplete or inadequate child reariry? The college admission process. If you are afraid you don't discipline your children enough,the evidence of parental failure is right there in front of everyone. The child is not filling out her college applications ! lf you are afraid that you have allowed your children to watch too much television and settle for low grades,you will have to answer for the consequences. The over-involvement of many parents in the process is,from my perspective,a cover for  this deep parental anxiety: Did I do a good job with this child? Did I do everything I needed to do for this child? Is this child going to have a good life? I have seen manv parents,dive back into their children's lives at college admission time, trying to fill all of their wisdom and discipline into their children at the last moment. Parents may need to be sure as their children leave the nest that they reall} have taught them how to fly. Since it is impossible to assess the quality of what parents have done for their children at this point,the next best thing is the status of the colege to which the child is admitted. From the point of an anxious parent,an "Ivy l,eague college" child is proof of better child rearing than a "small college" child. I once sat with a talented,weak senior girl and her brilliant parents. She,they,and the school had to decide whether she should remam m school or go into a hospital. In light of her anorexia(   ) ,the school recommended strongly that she not file her early application to Princeton. Upon hearing this,the girl looked at the adults in the room and said,"If I can't apply early to Princeton,l'll die. " Her parents were also eager to have her get into Princeton. Why did they all need this so desperately? Because,in this case,something was wrong in the family. Due to some weakness in her upbringing,this child was not happy or self-confident. Yet she was eighteen,the culture required her to leave home. The psychological solution for them all was the comforting vision of a great college. Somehow going there would make her life fine and defend her parents' child rearing. Such fears about letting go of an unfmished child exist in all families. How can we let go of a child who is still so young in so many ways? It is painful and has no cure except time and hope. For parents looking for a painkiller,the college admission process is where they can work out their anxieties. According lothe passage,what can defend the parents' child rearing?
A great college. Time and hope. Confidence of children. Independence of children.