To the mom I used to be: Two years ago, you were happy and whole. You had a plan for life -- start a new business, get involved in the Parent-teacher Association, teach your sons how to ride bicycles, spend as much time with your friends and parents as possible, watch your children mature and grow old with your husband. You were a " _ " person who often felt so much joy. You always looked forward, smiled and danced. Two years ago, on December 14, 2012, the world changed and you changed with it. Disturbed young men with access to high-powered guns went to your sons' school and killed six educators and twenty first-graders. Your eldest son Jake survived, but was changed by the day he discovered some monsters are real. He describes it as the day "when evils came to my school." Your youngest son, Dylan, whom you thought of as a pure love, with his charming eyes and infectious giggle ,was killed. Shot multiple times, he died instantly in the arms of his special-education assistant who also died while trying to protect him. The tragedy changed all your life, not only because of losing your child, but because of the hole inside you that can never be filled. Your eldest son has been forced to grow up too fast because of the loss of his brother. The pain has altered the lines on your husband's face. The way you look at the world has changed. Your interactions with friends and family seem foreign. ... ... But the things have moved on with hopefulness. You are now someone far more realistic. You control your feelings because you fear if you really let it out, you would never recover. It would destroy you. You know what you should do is try everything to protect more children. You're fighting a good fight, what the whole society really needs. With love, Nicole Hockley, Dylan's mom The author writes the letter mainly to   _  .
tell herself not to forget the bitterly painful past praise the educators' brave deeds in time of danger tell the readers how the shooting has changed her family describe the bad effects of school violence on students