 You guys are probably wondering why Joanna Stern is standing next to me, the lovely and delightful Joanna Stern. Give her a round of applause. Please, I'm glad to be here. Uh, so, so, you know, Joanna's kind of our resident, um, Windows laptop expert. I am. And I recently expressed a, a kind of a dislike for Windows, which was just haunting me. I said, Windows feels like poison to me on a podcast. You didn't say that. And it really was affecting to a lot of people, a lot of Windows fans. And, uh, Joanna got this idea that, that she could provide a better Windows experience for me. That's what I'm hoping to do. And we were talking about this and she was telling me, okay, well, if you get a laptop, here's what you need to do. And I thought people are going to get these for the holidays. They're going to get a new Windows laptop and it's going to have stuff on it that they're not going to like. Well, they'll have some stuff that they do like, but some stuff they don't like. Yeah, sure, no, I understand that, but it's going to have like bloatware. Absolutely. And you have kind of like put together a little guide to how to make your Windows. Yeah, DePoison Windows for you. DePoison, the antidote. Yes, I'm hoping after this you are going to be using Windows. I'm going to be a full-time Windows user after this. Full-time Windows user. Anything's possible. Uh, so let's walk through. What would you do? Yeah, so we've got a few different steps here. So this is a Samsung right out of the box. Hopefully we're getting that there. And one of the big problems is crapware. You mentioned it before. Yeah, I hate it. Hate it. Litters the whole system. Would you, if you met anybody who's like, you know what I really like? Crapware. I like a computer to be really bloated when I get it. I bet actually this company that makes this software likes crapware because they wouldn't have a product. They wouldn't have a business. They wouldn't have a business. Coming at it from a different angle. Yeah. So Slim Cleaner is the first thing you probably want to put on your system. And you can actually select different programs here. By the way, we're not, this is not, Slim Cleaner is not paid for an advertisement. Yeah, no. Never. Joanna just thinks this is a good tool to. I just found this. And this basically will find bloatware on your computer. Exactly. And what's actually interesting about this is like me and you, we know what to delete, right? We know like, oh, we probably should get rid of this wild tangent games. What I do is I just erase hard drive. And put on something else. I put it, then I put it away. Okay. Well, some others in our audience know what to delete. So what you can actually do here is you can see reviews of things that people like said, oh yeah, you wouldn't want this. And you can come in here. Yeah, because this is, they're actually crowdsourcing. So on this piece of software, people will basically tell you this is, you want to keep this piece of bloatware. Right. And there's comments. People leave comments. But you know the thing is you have to be careful because like the Bing bar for instance, 91 people said we like this. Well, I bet at Microsoft a lot of people like this. No, no. I mean maybe it's great. I don't know. I'm just saying maybe you don't want the Bing bar. I personally don't want the Bing bar. Right. There you go. But, so that's one way to do it. You could obviously also come into the control panel here. And this is a little bit nerdy to actually just go find the applications. Exactly. And delete them by hand. So like, you know, and then there's the step, the major step. This is the sledgehammer. This is the sledgehammer. You buy Windows 7, you install it. Yeah. You get rid of everything. I think that's what I would do. That seems easier. But it's like how much is it? It's going to cost you. $120? Yeah, this is $120. So that's like the sledgehammer. This is going to cost you. The doing it on your own is the scalpel. Yeah. And then what would you call the slim cleaner is like something in between. It's like a rusty knife. Yeah. You call it a knife. Doing one of these moves. A gun. A gun. It's a gun. It's a gun. All right. So I've taken the bloatware off of my computer now. Yeah. Crack where it is. Crack where it is. Thank you, Trent. That's good. That's good. So this one here, you might want to get rid of sort of the generic Windows desktop. I think that might be what you don't like about Windows. I'm not crazy about... It doesn't strike me as particularly beautiful. Okay. Maybe you don't like the icons all on the left side. You like them on the right. Maybe you want to add sort of a widget type of thing. This actually looks really nice. Yeah. So this is really cool. I've used two different things here. One, I changed the desktop background, which is something you should always do. Great background. Yeah. First thing you should do, change the desktop background. Like this one has HP logo on it. So the other thing I did here was I installed Rain Meter. And Rain Meter actually lets you... It's sort of like a launcher pro, like Android launcher pro for Windows. You can put widgets up here. I've got battery. I've got time. And you can customize all these things. You can put your... I've got the Verge logo or the Verge feeds coming through here. That's good. Good choice. And then over here you can... I'm using something called Fences where you can organize all your desktop icons. So these are just aliases to apps. Do these windows snap? These don't snap in place. So you can move these around. Well, how do you get things perfect? You line them up. With a ruler. By hand. With a ruler. Oh, you put a piece of tape on the screen. Yeah. With a ruler. That's great. I feel like snapping would be a really good feature here. It would be. Yeah. Maybe that's just one man's opinion though. That actually seems to sort of lock in place. So it is snapping. I don't know if it's... It's snapping, but it's not like- And what is that called? This is called Fences. Okay. So Fences and Rain Meter. So again, not paid endorsements. Just things we like. Just software that we like. And so, and then on this one, on this computer, which by the way is obscenely ripping off a MacBook. I mean, no, no. Does your MacBook have this? No, no. We saw it. Look at this little Beats volume. Yeah. God, I wish it had a Beats volume control on the side. This is the new HP Envy for this center. Can I... Groover showed it to his kid backstage and goes, look, Jonas, a rip off. Which is amazing. This is freaking shameless. They should be ashamed of themselves. Look at this. Do you have this Beats audio thing? This is disgusting. Okay. I mean, how come Apple isn't suing HP? That could happen. I mean, to talk about IP rip off. Neelay, can we- I'm on the case. Yeah. You're on? You're going to handle this? Yeah, no. Okay, great. So back to Windows. Anyhow, but let's talk about what's happening on the screen. Yes. So- So right here, I think Windows has gotten sort of a bad rep for not having very good looking apps. I think people sort of figure Office, you're going to have Outlook, all that sort of stuff. And so here's some nice- Ribbons everywhere. Ribbons everywhere. So this is a few apps I like. This is Metro Twit. It's really nice looking, sort of looks like Windows 8 or Windows Phone 7. Are you following Tom Cruise? Yes, I am. I didn't even know he had a Twitter account. He doesn't... I really shouldn't follow him. No. No, he doesn't really tweet much. I don't follow him, so just keep following him because I need to follow him. He doesn't tweet much. I need to find out what's going to happen with Ghost Protocol. Is he going to be cool or not? Okay, so this is basically like a Twitter client, Metro style Twitter client. Exactly. Looks very nice. What else? Maybe you want to use it. Maybe. What is this? Maybe. What? This is an email client. I wanted to find you an email client that you'd really like. What is wrong with you? Ross emailed me this. Ross emailed this to you? Like this time Ross. So I wanted to show you the GIF support, the animated GIF support here. That's great. But no, this is an app called Postbox. Right. So you can use it with your OSX as well. Yeah. But it's a nice, it's not the perfect Gmail implementation. I wanted to find that for you. But it's a good one. You can get labels in there. Yeah, you have also these little applets. What is this? Yeah, these little applets in here. So these are a little app called Pokey. And so you can install these down here to the taskbar. And you can actually just sort of reply from in here. Are you replying right now? I'm going to reply to Thomas Huston right here. This is great. So you don't actually have to go out to the browser. So these are little applets, little wrappers. Yeah, and all are free. I have to admit, I mean, I feel like this combination is somewhat compelling. Yeah, look at this desktop. Look how nice it is. Oh, I see it. You have the third one too. Yeah. All right, so. So you're going to use Windows now. No, no, no. I mean, so if I was, I think there's a laptop of mine that you, what would you recommend for me? This one, you seem to really like how it looks. This is great. This is great. I won't have to get used to a new look. I actually haven't touched this one yet. Yeah. And look, and remember. Yeah, you have beads. That's great. Yeah, yeah. I would suggest, and I think I've got it over here. This is the Lenovo IdeaPad U300S. We were talking about this before, and I have to say, as far as, and this should be, you know, HP should take a look at what Lenovo's doing. Because there are some similarities, chicklet keyboard or whatever, to a Mac, but I mean, every computer has this now. But this is actually, the industrial design of this is really nice. I really like the design. I don't, you will miss the backlit keyboard. No backlit keyboard, but. Let's, that's an outrage. Maybe the next one. I know. And this is a Core i3? Yeah, you can get a Core i7, Core i5. All right. I mean, maybe I'll do it. I mean, maybe you've shown me the light. I doubt it, but I mean, it's possible. I will say that this is a much better. This desktop looks good. Yes, it looks very good. I know. I'm trying to. All right, here you go. Thank you very much. Joanna Stern, everyone. Be poison. Be poison. Try it. Do you want me to? Yeah.