Caring for the Newborn
Question

                Could you please tell me if there are any books in English that cover the topic of how to look after a baby. Currently we have to rely on the advice given by doctors in the West which may not be correct. It would be so nice to be able to follow the way of the Sahabiat (female companions of the Prophet). For example, did they share their beds with their babies?, When did they give solid foods and how did they discipline the young children etc?
Praise be to Allah.
    Firstly: 

    Many issues of childrearing in fact are based on sound 
    customs and human experience, with the possibility of fine-tuning it in 
    accordance with the general teachings of the Qur’aan and Sunnah. As for 
    specific, binding guidelines, they have to do with specific commands and 
    prohibitions. Apart from that, the experience of specialists in childrearing 
    are the reference point from which people should learn and strive to 
    benefit, because childrearing nowadays has become a science on which studies 
    are carried out and to which much effort, money and time are devoted. This 
    is by the bounty that Allaah has bestowed upon people. The Muslim should not 
    neglect to learn methods of raising and dealing with children, whilst also 
    paying attention to the guidelines of the Qur’aan and Sunnah. 

    With regard to newborn infants there are some rulings which 
    have to do with acts of worship, such as it being mustahabb (liked/preferred) to do the ‘aqeeqah (offer a sacrifice),  circumcise boys, rub the inside of the baby’s mouth with some chewed-up date (tahneek), shave the infant’s head and give the weight of the 
    hair in silver as charity, and so on. This has been discussed previously on 
    our site in the answers to questions no. 7889 and
    20646. 

    With regard to how to take care of the ordinary physical 
    needs of the infant, one should follow the advice of doctors and educators, 
    and some general concepts that are mentioned in sharee’ah  (Islamic law), which will be 
    discussed below. 

    Secondly: 

    Among the early well known Muslim doctors is Imam Ibn Qayyim 
    al-Jawziyyah (d. 751 AH), the author of a famous book called Tuhfat 
    al-Mawdood bi Ahkaam al-Mawlood. One of the most important chapters of 
    his book is the sixteenth chapter, which is entitled Fi fusool naafi’ah 
    fi Tarbiyat al-Atfaal tuhmad ‘awaaqibuha ‘ind al-Kabr (Useful advice on 
    raising children which will have good consequences when the child grows up). 
    You can benefit from its contents, whilst paying attention to the fact that 
    what he mentions are matters that are subject to ijtihaad (independent thinking), based on his 
    level of knowledge and medical experience at that time. You can benefit from 
    it in general terms and by studying similar books of modern medicine.  

    I will quote here a summary of what he said, because it 
    includes useful medical information about dealing with newborn infants. 

    1.

    The child should be breastfed by someone other than his 
    mother, two or three days after birth. That is better because her milk after 
    that time will be thick and contain different ingredients, unlike the milk 
    of one who has been breastfeeding for a while. All the Arabs pay attention 
    to that, and they give their children to desert women to breastfeed, as the 
    Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was given to Banu 
    Sa’d to be breastfed among them. 

    2.

    They should not be picked up and carried around until they 
    are three months old or more, because they have only recently emerged from 
    their mother’s wombs and their bodies are still weak. 

    3.

    They should be given only milk until their teeth appear, 
    because their stomachs are weak and unable to digest food. When the baby’s 
    teeth appear, his stomach has grown strong and is able to be nourished by 
    food. Food should be introduced gradually. 

    4.

    When they approach the age where they will begin to speak and 
    one wants to make it easy for them to speak, a little honey and salt should 
    be placed on the infant’s tongue, because they contain substances that will 
    reduce the excessive moisture that prevents speech. When the child begins to 
    speak, one should prompt him to say Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah Muhammad Rasool 
    Allaah. 

    5.

    When the time for the teeth to appear comes, the gums should 
    be rubbed every day with butter and ghee.  

    6.

    Parents should not get upset when the child cries and yells, 
    because he benefits greatly from that crying. It exercises his limbs, opens 
    his intestines and chest, keeps his brain warm, warms his moods, provokes 
    his energy, creates suitable conditions for expelling waste matter, and 
    helps rid the brain of mucus and other waste. 

    7.

    The child should be protected against everything that may 
    scare him of harsh and terrifying noises, frightening scenes and disturbing 
    movements. 

    8.

    Complete breastfeeding lasts for two years. This is the right 
    of the child if he needs it and cannot do without it. The Qur’aan confirmed 
    that by adding the word kaamilayn (meaning complete or whole, in the 
    verse “The mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years” 
    [al-Baqarah 2:233]). If the one who is breastfeeding the child wants to 
    wean him, she should wean him gradually, and not wean him suddenly in one 
    go; rather she should get him used to it slowly because of the harm that may 
    be done by changing the child’s food and habit in one go. 

    9.

    It is mistreatment of children to allow them to eat their 
    fill of food, and to eat and drink a lot. One of the most beneficial ways of 
    training them is to give them less than their fill, so that they may digest 
    well and be in good health, there will be less waste in their bodies and 
    their bodies will be healthy, and they will have less sickness because of 
    having less food waste in their bodies. 

    10.

    One thing that the child needs most urgently is close 
    attention to his moral well being. He grows up with whatever the one who is 
    raising him gets him used to when he is small. [If it is] resentment, anger, 
    arguments, haste, being easily led by whims and desires, foolishness, 
    hot-temperedness and greed, then it will be difficult for him to change that 
    when he grows up. Hence you will find that most people are deviant in their 
    character, because of the way they were brought up. 

    11.

    The child’s guardian should keep him from taking from others 
    because if he gets used to taking, that will become natural for him, and he 
    will grow up as one who takes and not one who gives. If the guardian wants 
    to give something, he should give it by his hand [i.e., give it to the child 
    to give away] so that that he will taste the sweetness of giving. 

    12.

    He should keep him away from lying and treachery more than he 
    would keep him away from lethal poison. Once he lets him get the habit of 
    lying and betrayal, he will have corrupted his happiness in this world and 
    in the Hereafter, and deprived him of all goodness. 

    13.

    He should keep him away from laziness, idleness, a life of 
    ease and too much rest, and he should force him to do the opposite. He 
    should not let him rest more than is sufficient to restore his energy so 
    that he can do more work, for laziness and idleness bring bad consequences 
    and lead to regret. Yahya ibn Abi Katheer said: Knowledge cannot be attained 
    by letting the body rest. 

    14.

    He should get him used to waking up at the end of the night, 
    for that is the time when reward is allocated and prizes are awarded; some 
    will take less and some will take more and some will be deprived. If he gets 
    used to that when he is little, it will be easy for him when he grows up. 

    End quote. Tuhfat al-Mawdood (194-203). 

    Thirdly: 

    With regard to what you asked about, namely the child 
    sleeping in his parents’ bed, there is nothing wrong with allowing that 
    occasionally. Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him), when he was 
    small, slept in the bed of his maternal aunt Maymoonah; he lay across the 
    bed and the Messenger of Allaah  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon 
    him) and Maymoonah slept lengthways on it. Narrated by al-Bukhaari (138) and 
    Muslim (763). 

    It says in ‘Umdat al-Qaari (3/66): 

    This hadeeth shows that it is permissible to sleep in the 
    same bed as a mahram even if her husband is there. End quote. 

    But this is not what is usual; what is usual is for each 
    person to sleep in his own bed most of the time. 

    With regard to the Prophet’s methods of disciplining and 
    punishing children, he taught that smacking (lightly) in order to discipline a child 
    should only be after the age of ten. 

    That is because the Prophet  (peace and blessings of 
    Allaah be upon him) said: “Teach your children to pray when they are seven 
    years old and smack them (lightly) if they do not pray when they are ten years old.” 
    Narrated by Abu Dawood (495) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in 
    Saheeh Abi Dawood. 

    As the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon 
    him) did not give permission to smack a child for falling short with regard 
    to the greatest pillar of religion, which is prayer, before the age of ten, 
    it is more apt to say that this also applies to all other issues of life, 
    behaviour and upbringing. 

    Al-Athram said: Abu ‘Abd-Allaah was asked about teachers 
    smacking children and he said: It should be commensurate with their 
    misdemeanours but he should refrain from smacking as much as he can. If the 
    child is little and does not understand, he should not smack him. 

    Al-Adaab al-Shar’iyyah by Ibn 
    Muflih (1/506). 

    The maximum number of smacks is ten: 

    It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with 
    him) that the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: 
    “No one should be given more than ten lashes except in the case of one of 
    the hadd (set) punishments prescribed by Allaah.”

    Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6850) and Muslim (1708). 

    Al-Qaadi Shurayh said that a child should be smacked no more 
    than three times for neglect in learning Qur’aan, and ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd 
    al-‘Azeez used to send letters to the regions saying “The teacher should not 
    (smack the child) more than three times, because it scares the child.” 
    Narrated by Ibn Abi’l-Dunya in al-‘Iyaal (1/531). 

    Hitting the face must be avoided in all cases. The Prophet 
     (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade saying “May Allaah 
    make your face ugly” and he enjoined us to avoid hitting the face. This was 
    narrated by Abu Dawood (4493) and classed as saheeh (authentic) by al-Albaani in 
    Saheeh Abi Dawood. 

    You can use threats of smacking, which may be more effective 
    than actually smacking the child. There is a report which speaks of hanging 
    up a whip or stick in the house so that the child will understand that there 
    will be a punishment in the case of a misdemeanour that is deserving of 
    punishment, and that is because it is overstepping the mark of etiquette and 
    good attitude.  

    It was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with 
    him) that the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) 
    said: 

    “Hang up the whip where the people of the household can see 
    it, for it will discipline them.”  

    Narrated by ‘Abd al-Razzaaq in al-Musannaf (11/133) 
    and by al-Tabaraani in al-Mu’jam al-Kabeer (10/284); classed as hasan (sound) by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ (4022). 

    In the advice of the Prophet  (peace and blessings of 
    Allaah be upon him) to Mu’aadh ibn Jabal (may Allaah be pleased with him) he 
    said: “Spend on your family from what you can afford and do not lift your 
    stick from them so as to discipline them.” Narrated by Ahmad (5/238). 
    Al-Albaani said in Saheeh al-Targheeb (1/138): It is hasan li ghayrihi(good with support from other narrations). 
 

    What we have mentioned – as you can see – is just a little, 
    which indicates that in principle, discipline means teaching, directing and 
    guiding with a good word, good example, encouragements and threats. As for 
    resorting to punishment, that should be the last resort, and should only be 
    done in a way that achieves the aim and does not go beyond that to causing 
    physical or psychological harm to the child. 

    And Allaah knows best.