He divorced his wife because she was mentally ill, but he is still emotionally attached to her and wants advice
Question

                My ex-wife has bipolar disorder, and we have now separated, and I do not intend to take her back. I love her very much; my heart wants to take her back but my head says no. I would rather suffer the pain of separation than go back to her, because then I would also go insane. Such is this world; things will never be perfect. Praise be to Allah for what He has decreed.

I need to be comforted and I need to be completely convinced, once and for all, that I should keep away from her, because she still contacts me by phone and I sometimes answer her, then she starts to swear at me and insult me.
Praise be to Allah.
	It is part of Allah’s decree for 
	His universe that He has made this world the realm of troubles and problems, 
	sickness and separation, exhaustion and tiredness, as trials for His slaves, 
	to see whether they will be patient or impatient, and so that they will long 
	for the Hereafter, Paradise and that which is with Allah, where there will 
	be no toil, distress, exhaustion, hardship, grief, death, sickness or 
	separation. This is Allah’s decree for His universe, and the way of Allah 
	cannot be changed. 

	In your words, is the answer and 
	remedy for what you are faced with. Your relationship has come to an end 
	with separation and divorce, and you do not intend to take her back. She is 
	sick, suffering from a mental illness with which it is impossible to 
	establish a normal marital relationship. What appears to be the case is that 
	you tried but you did not succeed, so what comes next? Why hold onto a rope 
	that has already been cut off? Why live in the shadow of wishful thinking 
	and impossibilities? 

	You gave a clear answer to these 
	questions, and we appreciate your openness: “my heart wants to take her back 
	but my head says no.” This is the entire story and the entire solution. The 
	heart is inclined, but reason corrects you and prevents you from stepping 
	onto that slippery slope. 

	But you have to give precedence 
	to strengthening the resolve of your mind, so that you can forget about her 
	completely. That may take some time, but in the end it will come, according 
	to your strength, resolve and certain faith that Allah will compensate you 
	with something better than her and will compensate you for the calamity with 
	something better and will reward you for what you have suffered. 

	Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have 
	mercy on him) said: 

	If there is no way for the lover 
	to reach his beloved, either because it is not divinely decreed for him, or 
	because of some shar‘i impediment, or both, then this is an insurmountable 
	problem. Part of the remedy is to make himself lose hope and despair (of 
	ever reaching his beloved), because when one loses hope in something, he 
	will be relieved of worrying about it and will stop paying attention to it. 

	If the sickness of love 
	continues even though he has given up hope, then this is a sign that he has 
	developed some serious psychological problems. In that case he should move 
	on to another remedy, which is to address his mind and think rationally, 
	because it is known that being emotionally attached to that which one has no 
	hope of attaining is a kind of insanity; the one who is afflicted with that 
	is like one who falls in love with the sun and thinks constantly of climbing 
	up to it and running in its orbit with it. Such a person is regarded as 
	insane by all rational people.End quote from 
	Zad al-Ma‘ad, 4/251 

	You are still young, as you 
	stated in the details you gave (that you are thirty-four years old). It is 
	not fair, it makes no sense and it is not wise to spend your life regretting 
	what you missed or something that cannot possibly come back under any 
	circumstances. Look for another wife who is suitable for you, and start a 
	new page in your life. Life does not stop because of separation or failure, 
	and nothing could make you forget a woman except another woman who is more 
	suitable for you. 

	Ask Allah for guidance (istikharah) 
	and look for a wife who will bring you happiness, and cut off all ties with 
	your ex-wife, once and for all, because she is no longer permissible for you 
	now, as you are divorced, and there is no point in keeping in touch with one 
	another on the phone. If you can change your phone number, then do so, so as 
	to stop her calling you and causing you distress. 

	It should be noted that 
	forgetting may take some time; as we said, that depends on your strength and 
	determination. Ask the Controller of the hearts to remove from your heart 
	whatever is left of this relationship and ask Him, may He be glorified, to 
	reward you for your calamity and to compensate you with someone better than 
	her.

	We ask Allah to grant you peace 
	of mind, a bright future, and a righteous wife who will compensate you for 
	what you have missed, and that Allah will grant you the reward of those who 
	are patient.

	And Allah knows best.