Advice to a believing girl whose family do not let her pray or wear hijab
Question

I am a 16 year old muslim girl, from a “non-practising muslim family”. I am the only one in the family who prays and try to follow Islam as good as I can. My family is against me praying and being a practising muslim. My mother dosnt want me to pray Isha and fajr prayer because it is too late/early. But I do it anyways, and I try to hide it as good as I can. And when she asks me if I pray those prayers I always lie about it and say I don’t, is it okay to lie in such a situation? Also I have quitted my job, I used to work at a pizza place and I sold pork pizza to the customers, my mother dosn’t know about this yet, and I have considered to lie, and say I got fired. Is it permissible for me to lie in such a situation?
And I have another issue: We are going to another country in next month, and I’ll miss zuhr and asr prayer, I am not allowed to pray at all in the train while we’re travelling. And when we arrive to our destination I am afraid that I’ll not be allowed to pray Isha and fajr prayer there… I don’t know what to do, and I have read that you can pray two prayers together, but I don’t know how? Should zuhr and asr prayer be prayed together like, you pray zuhr at the time of zuhr and right after that you pray asr? Or in some other way?
And if I miss more than one prayer, in what orders should they be made up? And I am also not allowed to wear the hijab, but I try my best to dress modestly.. Now that it’s summer my mother wants me to wear t-shirts & shorts. But I refuse totally to wear shorts, but sometimes I do wear t-shirts outside, she complains alot about my skin, because I’m pale, and she thinks the sun is healthy for me. But I hate to disobey Allah, and wear t-shirts, but I just get very upset when she yells at me and says she worries about me etc. I get really sad because I want to see her happy too.. But I don’t want to sin either.
Praise be to Allah.Firstly:
We were very happy to receive this message and we praise Allah, may He be exalted, for having enabled you to be keen to follow your religion, adhere to the commands of your Lord and be patient in putting up with the harm you encounter because of that. Allah, may He be exalted, commanded His slaves to be patient and persevere, and to be steadfast in obeying Him, no matter what harm they face. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Endure and be more patient (than your enemy), and guard your territory by stationing army units permanently at the places from where the enemy can attack you, and fear Allah, so that you may be successful”
[Aal ‘Imraan 3:200]
“As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our Paths (i.e. Allahs Religion – Islamic Monotheism). And verily, Allah is with the Muhsinoon (good doers)”
[al-‘Ankaboot 29:69].
You should understand that whatever you face of difficulty and harm for the sake of doing what Allah has enjoined upon you of acts of worship, obligatory duties and wearing hijab, all of that is for the sake of Allah, and your putting up with that harm and these problems is the best kind of patience that Allah has enjoined upon His slaves: patience in obeying Allah and patience in putting up with the harm that one may encounter for the sake of his religion and his adherence to it. Allah, may He be exalted, has told us that His Messengers announced to their people that they would remain steadfast on the path of their Lord to which He had guided them, no matter what befell them of harm from their people:
“And why should we not put our trust in Allah while He indeed has guided us our ways. And we shall certainly bear with patience all the hurt you may cause us, and in Allah (Alone) let those who trust, put their trust”
[Ibraaheem 14:12].
In the hadeeth, it is narrated that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Ahead of you there are days of patience when patience will be like grasping live coals, and the one who does good deeds will have the reward of fifty men who do deeds like his.” Someone else added: He said: O Messenger of Allaah, the reward of fifty of them? He said: “The reward of fifty of you.”
Narrated by Abu Dawood, 4343; classed as qawiy by al-Albaani.
Think about this living example of one of those who came before, their keenness to obey the Lord of the Worlds and how they put up with hardships and horror in order to achieve that.
It was narrated that Khabbaab ibn al-Aratt said: “We complained to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he was reclining on his cloak in the shade of the Ka’bah. And we said: Why don’t you ask Allah to make us prevail? Why don’t you make du‘aa’ for us? He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Among the people who came before you, a man would be taken and put into a hole dug for him in the earth, then a saw would be brought and put on his head and he would be cut into two pieces, and that did still not turn him away from his religion. And an iron comb would be used to tear the flesh from his bones or sinews, but this still did not turn him away from his religion.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3612
With regard to your mother, hers is a very strange case that is very sad. Instead of the mother adhering to her religion and being an example for her daughter and teaching her, she has become as you describe. Verily to Allah we belong and verily to Him we shall return. We ask Allah to guide her to His religion, open her heart to it and protect you against her evil.
And beware of letting your mother and her stubbornness prevent you from following the religion of Allah, may He be exalted, or divert you from His path. Her anger with you for obeying your Lord does not matter, because obedience to Allah takes precedence over obedience to anyone else. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to anyone if it involves sin; rather obedience is only in that which is right and proper.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 7257; Muslim, 1840. And he (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards Allah, may He be glorified and exalted.” Narrated by Ahmad, 1098
Thirdly:
If you are not able to offer the prayers or follow any other commands of your Lord or keep away from anything that Allah has forbidden except by telling lies to your mother, there is no blame on you, in sha Allah, for telling her lies, although it is better for you to employ double entendres in your speech, i.e., tell her things that will make her feel comfortable and spare you from her harm, whilst you intend a correct meaning without drawing her attention to it. For example, if she asks you, “Did you pray?” you can say, “No,” but what you intend in your heart is that you did not pray Taraweeh, for example, or qiyaam al-layl, or you did not pray anything except the fard (obligatory) prayer, and so on.
With regard to wearing hijab, try to convince her that this is the command of your Lord and that it is also your choice, and strive hard to avoid her evil and harm as much as you can. Seek the help of your Lord and ask Him to guide her and keep you safe from her evil.
Thirdly:
The traveller may avail himself of the concessions of travelling, which include offering the four-rak‘ah prayers (Zuhr, ‘Asr and ‘Isha’) with two rak‘ahs only. This will make it easier for you to pray when you are with your mother, because the time needed to pray two rak‘ahs is shorter than the time needed to pray four.
Another concession granted to the traveller is that he may put two prayers together, so he may pray Zuhr and ‘Asr together at the same time, praying Zuhr with two rak‘ahs, then praying ‘Asr with two rak‘ahs. That may be done at the time of the earlier prayer, i.e., offering the two prayers at the time of Zuhr, before the usual time for ‘Asr begins, or it may be done at the time of the later prayer, so if the time for Zuhr has begun and he did not pray, he may wait until the time for ‘Asr begins, then offer the two prayers together.
Similarly, Maghrib and ‘Isha’ prayers may be offered at the time of the earlier or later prayer, but it should be noted that Maghrib cannot be shortened when travelling; rather it should be offered with three rak‘ahs as usual.
With regard to Fajr, it should be offered with two rak‘ahs at the proper time, when dawn has broken, until the sun rises.
This putting together of prayers will be helpful for you, because you can choose the time when your mother is not paying any attention to you, or she is busy with something, or you can give her the impression that you have gone to the bathroom, and the like, or you can pray when you stop for a break, far away from her, or after you reach your destination, if you are going to arrive before the time for the second prayer ends, and so on.
See also the answers to questions no. 82658, 105109, 38079
Finally, we advise you to remain steadfast in your obedience to your Lord, and be keen to please Him; always remember your Lord and read His Book, so that your mind and heart will be at rest and you will increase in guidance. Strive hard to learn the rulings of your religion and adhere to them as much as you can, until Allah grants you relief and a way out from the situation you are in.
And Allah knows best.