Can I ask for a divorce because of my resentment towards my husband?
Question

                I am suffering a lot of problems with my husband, which is because we are not getting along, especially since he is too busy at work, which requires him to spend a lot of time outside the home. I feel resentment towards him when he tries to get close to me, and sometimes I hate him, especially when he wants to have sex repeatedly and without any consideration for my feeling exhausted because of housework or because of severe sickness, even if I have a fever or am menstruating. Is this sufficient grounds for me to get a divorce, especially as I cannot carry on in this marriage to him?
Praise be to Allah.
    Firstly: 

    It may be important here to remind the 
    questioner that for every problem there is a remedy and a solution, and 
    divorce may in fact be a solution to complex problems in marriage, and it is 
    for that reason that Allah has prescribed it. However, there is no doubt 
    that every smart person should regard it as being like painful cauterisation 
    which a sick person may have no choice but to undergo. As the Arabic proverb 
    says: The remedy of last resort is cauterisation. 

    But before thinking of this 
    “cauterisation” it is essential to exhaust all other possible means of 
    reaching a deal that both spouses can agree to, whereby the problems will be 
    reduced and harmony will increase. Only then will one’s conscience be at 
    peace and one will be certain of the right decision that one may have to 
    take in order to find a solution.

    It is most likely that the sister who 
    asked this question has heard or read a great deal of advice concerning this 
    matter, but that should not prevent us from offering her advice that may 
    provide her with another angle from which to examine the issue. Our advice 
    is that she should weigh up the pros and cons, and evaluate the possible bad 
    consequences that may convince a person of the right decision, rationally 
    and emotionally, with regard to breaking the ties of marriage. 

    One calm and quiet discussion – in many 
    cases – may be sufficient to bring about reconciliation between two gravely 
    dissenting parties. It is also guaranteed to pave the way towards complete 
    harmony and understanding. But unfortunately most people do not realise that 
    and they do not try to achieve it; rather they soon feel despair and give up 
    hope, because of the failure of one or two or more attempts. However the 
    wise person is the one who regards establishing a successful and happy 
    marriage as a challenge that he should try hard to meet, and he should not 
    be too hasty in announcing its failure, especially as human relations are 
    always subject to turmoil and ups and downs. In this way one may acquire 
    experience and attain the qualities of deliberation and calmness that will 
    help to ensure that any subsequent relationship may be successful. 

    Shar‘i reasons cannot occur in isolation; 
    rather each spouse should check himself or herself and watch out for 
    shortcomings with regard to his or her duties towards Allah. Perhaps a sin 
    that was committed may result in consequences that affect the individual 
    with regard to his or her family and household. Sin is the root of all 
    problems, and repentance and praying for forgiveness are at the root of all 
    remedies. Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, has commanded us to fear 
    Him in dozens of places in his Holy Book, and he has made success and 
    prosperity in this world and the Hereafter dependent upon achieving this 
    important goal. 

    Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, 
    says (interpretation of the meaning): 

    “O you who believe! Keep your duty to 
    Allah and fear Him, and speak (always) the truth.

    H e will direct you to do righteous 
    good deeds and will forgive you your sins. And whosoever obeys Allah and His 
    Messenger (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) he has indeed achieved 
    a great achievement (i.e. he will be saved from the Hell-fire and made to 
    enter Paradise)”

    [al-Ahzaab 33:70-71] 

    “O you who believe (in Moosa (Moses) 
    (i.e. Jews) and ‘Eesa (Jesus) (i.e. Christians))! Fear Allah, and believe 
    too in His Messenger (Muhammad SAW), He will give you a double portion of 
    His Mercy, and He will give you a light by which you shall walk (straight), 
    and He will forgive you. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful”

    [al-Hadeed 57:28] 

    “And if the people of the towns had 
    believed and had the Taqwa (piety), certainly, We should have opened for 
    them blessings from the heaven and the earth, but they belied (the 
    Messengers). So We took them (with punishment) for what they used to earn 
    (polytheism and crimes, etc.)”

    [al-A ‘raaf 7:96]. 

    Secondly: 

    If living with one’s spouse is becoming 
    impossible and there is no more room for mutual understanding or treating 
    one another on the basis of kindness and honouring mutual rights, then there 
    is no blame on the wife if she seeks divorce. 

    Al-Haafiz Ibn Katheer (may Allah have 
    mercy on him) said: 

    If problems have begun to appear between 
    the couple and the woman can no longer give the man his rights and she 
    resents him, or she cannot live with him any more, then she has the right to 
    release herself from him by giving back what he gave her, and there is 
    nothing wrong with her giving that to him or him accepting it from her. 
    Hence Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): 
    “And it is not lawful for you (men) to take back (from your wives) any of 
    your Mahr (bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of 
    marriage) which you have given them, except when both parties fear that they 
    would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah (e.g. to deal with each 
    other on a fair basis). Then if you fear that they would not be able to keep 
    the limits ordained by Allah, then there is no sin on either of them if she 
    gives back (the Mahr or a part of it) for her Al-Khul (divorce)” [al-Baqarah 
    2:229].

    End quote from Tafseer al-Qur’an al-‘Azeem 
    (1/613) 

    And it is proven in the Sunnah that the 
    wife of Thaabit ibn Qays came to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah 
    be upon him) and said: O Messenger of Allah, I do not find any fault with 
    Thaabit regarding his religious commitment or his attitude, but I hate to go 
    back to kufr after coming to Islam. The Messenger of Allah (blessings and 
    peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Will you give his garden back to him?” 
    She said: Yes. The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon 
    him) said (to Thaabit): “Accept your garden, and divorce her (one talaaq).” 

    Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5273) 

    Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) 
    said: 

    That is, I do not want to leave him 
    because of any bad attitude on his part or shortcoming in his religious 
    commitment. The report of Ayyoob mentioned above adds: But I cannot stand 
    him. … In fact another reason was stated clearly, which is that he was 
    physically ugly.  In the hadith of ‘Amr ibn Shu‘ayb, from his father, from 
    his grandfather – which was narrated by Ibn Maajah – it says: Habeebah bint 
    Sahl was married to Thaabit ibn Qays, who was an ugly man. She said, O 
    Messenger of Allaah, by Allaah, were it not for fear of Allaah, when he 
    enters upon me I would spit in his face. 

    The words “but I hate to go back to kufr 
    after coming to Islam” mean: If I stay with him, I would hate to do anything 
    that could lead to kufr. … It is as if she was hinting that her intense 
    dislike for him could lead her to make a show of kufr so that her marriage 
    to him would be annulled. She knew that this was haraam, but she was afraid 
    that her intense dislike would make her do that. Or it may be that what she 
    meant by kufr here was ingratitude to her husband, when falling short with 
    regard to her husband’s rights. 

    End quote from Fath al-Baari 
    (9/399-400) 

    However, we should point out to the 
    questioner here that with regard to her husband’s desire for intercourse 
    during her menses it is not permissible for her to obey him in that regard; 
    rather she has to refuse and tell him that this is haraam. If he does not 
    pay attention to that and transgresses the limit set by Allah with regard to 
    this matter, then this alone is sufficient grounds for separation. In fact 
    Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: If the 
    husband repeatedly has intercourse with his wife during her menses, and he 
    does not pay heed, then they should be separated, as we said with regard to 
    a husband who has anal intercourse with his wife and does not pay heed.

    End quote from al-Ikhtiyaaraat al-Fiqhiyyah 
    by al-Ba‘li (27) 

    See also the answers to questions no.
    99870 
    and 
    117185

    And Allah knows best.