Ruling on websites that have sections for detailed discussion of the private marital relationship
Question

                What is the ruling on books, websites and courses that speak about sexual education? Please note that the websites I am talking about – which I have seen myself – are in Arabic and are used Muslim women, and they are only for women; no men are allowed to see them at all. They talk about various kinds of marital foreplay and positions for intercourse, but without any indecent images and the like. They also warn against perverted practices and anything that is forbidden in Islam. The courses I am talking about are also only for married women and are taught by a woman; they deal with various matters, such as: increasing love and affection between the spouses, ways of tempting the husband, and creating harmony between husband and wife. I admit that I feel energised and this improves my relationship with my husband after reading these topics. What is the ruling on these matters?
Praise be to Allah.
    
    Firstly: 

    Allah, 
    may He be exalted, has instructed each spouse to treat the other well, and 
    the sexual relationship between the spouses is included in this. There can 
    be no doubt that both spouses need “sexual education” that will make married 
    life easier and strengthen the ties between them. 

    But it 
    is unfortunate that we find both excess and neglect with regard to this 
    matter. As for excess, it is what has become extremely widespread of the 
    propagation of this “sexual education” with no kind of modesty or 
    discretion. It is dealt with in school curriculums in a theoretical sense, 
    and it is dealt with by those who promote immorality and promiscuity in a 
    practical sense, by making it very easy for the sexes to meet in all ways 
    that are haraam. This knowledge and practice is made available many years 
    before marriage; in fact it has caused many to stay away from marriage, 
    because they see it as pleasure without any responsibility and without ties 
    to only one partner. 

    As for 
    neglect, that is by banning teaching of the Islamic rulings having to do 
    with this matter, and not learning what one needs to know. A girl may get 
    married without knowing when it is permissible for her husband to have 
    intercourse with her and when it is haraam, and what it is permissible for 
    him to do with her and what is haraam, and so on. 

    It 
    should be noted that the Islamic teachings on such matters came in different 
    contexts and in different situations, according to what was needed and what 
    was in people’s best interests. This means that they should be spoken about 
    in the right context and as much as is reasonably required, without going to 
    excess or being negligent, and without turning such matters into the main 
    focus in people’s lives. Rather they are important and necessary matters, 
    but they have their time and place, and must be handled with the proper 
    etiquette. 

    Part 
    of the Islamic etiquette in teaching such matters and speaking of them is 
    that one should look for metaphors that are readily understood and do away 
    with any need to state bluntly that which one would feel shy to mention, and 
    may be embarrassed to speak of in detail, as in the following verses and 
    hadeeth: 

    Allah, 
    may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Permitted to you, on the night of 
    the fasts, is the approach to your wives. They are your garments and you are 
    their garments”

    
    [al-Baqarah 2:187]

    “Your wives are as a tilth unto 
    you; so approach your tilth when or how you will”

    
    [al-Baqarah 2:223]

    The 
    Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said to Jaabir ibn 
    ‘Abdullah, when he found out that he had married a previously-married woman: 
    “Why did you not marry a virgin so you could laugh with her and she could 
    laugh with you, and you could play with her and she could play with you?”

    
    Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5052), Muslim (715). 

    Part 
    of the important etiquette regarding this matter is to rely on the natural 
    inclination of every woman, which gives her much of that which she needs of 
    such information; in every environment there is a certain amount of 
    information and experience that may be passed on through the women of her 
    family, who have already gone through these experiences, within limits that 
    do not transgress proper etiquette or modesty. 

    
    Secondly: 

    with 
    regard to websites that teach women “sexual education”, there is nothing 
    wrong with reading what they contain of material on useful, scientific, 
    serious matters, on condition that the websites is trustworthy in terms of 
    the material they present and is serious in fulfilling its honest 
    educational mission, and avoids cheap provocation and useless advertising. 

    The 
    same applies to books and publications that deal with this type of 
    knowledge. 

    
    However, a girl should only start to pay attention to this kind of 
    information when she actually needs it, which is when she is going to get 
    married. 

    
    Thirdly: 

    Actual 
    participation in such discussion groups involves several matters that are 
    contrary to Islam; the most serious of these is the lurking of evildoers and 
    corrupt people who use fake names and give false information, giving the 
    impression that they are women, for the purpose of cheap entertainment and 
    messing with people’s hearts and minds, especially when the discussion group 
    deals with these sensitive matters. 

    In 
    fact, merely reading the topics in these discussion groups should be subject 
    to a number of important guidelines, such as the following: 

    1.Those websites and articles should be free of haraam images, such as 
    pictures of women in general or hand-drawn images, especially those that 
    show the genitals.

    2.Improper language should be avoided and Islamic manners should be 
    followed, by restricting it to that which will get the message across, 
    without using blunt or offensive language, except when there is a need to do 
    so.

    3.These topics should not be presented verbally – as some women do in 
    webinars! – and it is even more important to avoid presenting them verbally 
    with pictures, because by doing this, the speakers are exposing themselves 
    to evil, such as if the tapes of those lectures are passed around among 
    foolish people and the speakers themselves are exposed to mockery and silly 
    comments by evildoers.

    4.The teaching should not be limited only to matters of love, 
    affection, sex and how to bring the husband to bed. The marital relationship 
    is too sublime to be limited only to that aspect and not others. Rather a 
    woman should learn proper Islamic etiquette in interacting with her husband 
    and her husband’s family; she should also learn the basics having to do with 
    raising children, her relationships with her neighbours and husband’s 
    relatives, keeping her house clean and tidy, cooking, making good use of her 
    time to acquire more knowledge of Islam, reciting dhikr, teaching them about 
    Islamic matters pertaining to women such as menstruation, ghusl and so on. 
    By doing this, these websites will fulfil their mission in the best manner. 
    We think that it is disrespectful towards women to limit teaching of them to 
    sexual matters only. Even though these matters are very important, they are 
    only one part of married life, not the be all and end all. 

    If a 
    discussion group, book or website adheres to the guidelines mentioned above 
    and others having to do with basic etiquette, then there is nothing wrong 
    with reading them and learning from the beneficial topics included. 

    As for 
    a woman participating directly in such discussion groups, that involves 
    several matters that are contrary to Islam and must be avoided, especially 
    since it is possible to gain real benefits without participating directly. 

    And 
    Allah knows best.