She does not get on with her husband; should she leave him and make her father angry?
Question

                I have been married for four years now, but dont get on with my husband at all. I have told him and my father many times that i find it hard to get on with him. Our marriage happened in Pakistan when i was going through a very bad time. My mother had been accused of adultery and was locked up in her Father-in-laws house. Me and my brother who were in Pakistan at the time were not allowed to talk to her or even see her.  It was in those days that my father suggested that i get married. I had my Nikaah done then came to England. When my husband came over i tried to get on with him but found it very hard. I dont want to stay with him because i know that i wont be able to love and respect him like a wife should. I also dont want to hurt my father by getting a divorce. If i do get a divorce will i be punished for hurting my father so much? Do you think it is right for me to get a divorce or carry on like this ''trying'' to work it out but not getting anywhere?
Praise be to Allah.
    What we advise our sister to do is to try to avoid hurting 
    her father’s feelings and also give her husband his right to love and 
    obedience. 

    If she is unable to give her husband his rights, and she does 
    not feel any fondness for him, which makes her feel put off by him and makes 
    her not want to obey him,  then what she should do in this case is to free 
    herself from him by means of khula’ and not ask him for a divorce (talaaq). 

    There is a great difference between talaaq and khula’. Talaaq 
    is done by the husband because he does not like his wife – for example – and 
    not because of any reason on her part. Then the wife must observe the ‘iddah 
    (waiting period) according to her situation. If she is pregnant, the ‘iddah 
    lasts until she gives birth; if she is very young or is past the age of 
    menopause, then she should wait for three months; if she is of child-bearing 
    age then she should wait for three menstrual cycles. The husband has to give 
    his wife the entire mahr and all her rights. 

    Khula’ is initiated by the wife, and she gives him money to 
    leave her. It is preferable for the husband not to ask for more than the 
    mahr which he had given to her. Her ‘iddah lasts for one menstrual cycle, to 
    establish that she is not pregnant. 

    A similar case happened to some of the women of the Sahaabah 
    as that which the sister is asking about. 

    It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: The wife of Thaabit 
    ibn Qays came to the Messenger of Allaah  (peace and blessings of Allaah 
    be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I do not find any fault in 
    Thaabit’s religious commitment or character, but I cannot bear to live with 
    him.” The Messenger of Allaah  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon 
    him) said: “Will you give him back his garden [that he had given as the 
    mahr]?” She said, “Yes.” 

    (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4972) 

    According to another report (4971): “I do not find any fault 
    in Thaabit’s religious commitment or character, but I would hate to fall 
    into sin by rejecting the commands of Islam when I am a Muslim.”  

    i.e., I am afraid that I may do something which would go 
    against the rulings of Islam such as hating my husband, disobeying him, not 
    giving him his rights, etc. See Fath al-Baari, 9/400 

    To sum up: you have to try to get along with your husband and 
    give him his rights, and if you cannot then you have to free yourself from 
    the marriage by means of khula’. You can ask for your father’s approval and 
    explain to him that staying with your husband will adversely affect your 
    religious commitment and your worldly interests. If he agrees, all well and 
    good, but you do not have to stay with your husband when you do not like him 
    and you cannot give him his rights. We ask Allaah to relieve you of your 
    distress and to help you and give you a good life.