Her husband gave her permission to travel for a naafil Hajj then he retracted it; can she travel without his permission?
Question

                I have been married for almost 4 yrs but have never really been happy, i have made my mistakes and learnt from it but my husband is not forgiving, he is more of a dictator than a husband. a friend paid for hajj i did not accept it till after his approval because its not the obligatory one, but because we had a little disagreement now he says he has withdrawn the permission after all preparations have been made and if i dont go the friend wont be happy because its too late for her to pay for another person as issuance of visa is closed, pls does he have the right to do so isnt it an abuse of his position? please advice.
Praise be to Allah.
    Firstly: 

    What is required of the husband is to fear Allaah in his 
    dealings with his wife and to treat her kindly. If he dislikes one of her 
    characteristics, he should remember that she has other qualities for which 
    he should be pleased with her. He should remember that he too is not free 
    from mistakes and errors, so he should overlook her mistakes and forgive her 
    for her errors if she repents to her Lord. He should treat her kindly so 
    that Allaah may create love and compassion between him and his wife. 

    Secondly: 

    It is not permissible for a woman to travel for Hajj or for 
    any other purpose except with a mahram, and there is nothing in your 
    question to indicate whether or not there is a mahram with you. If you do 
    not have a mahram to travel with you, then it is not permissible for you to 
    travel, regardless of whether your husband has given you permission or not, 
    even if that is for the obligatory Hajj. 

    The scholars of the Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas 
    said: 

    It is established in sharee’ah that it is haraam for a woman 
    to travel without a mahram, because the Prophet  (peace and blessings of 
    Allaah be upon him) said, according to the hadeeth of Ibn ‘Abbaas: “No woman 
    should travel except with a mahram.” Narrated by Ahmad, al-Bukhaari and 
    Muslim. And it was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with 
    him) said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah  (peace and blessings of 
    Allaah be upon him) say when he was delivering a khutbah: “No man should be 
    alone with a woman unless she has a mahram present, and no woman should 
    travel except with a mahram.” A man stood up and said: My wife has gone out 
    for Hajj and I have enlisted for such and such a campaign. He said: “Go and 
    do Hajj with your wife.” Narrated by Ahmad, al-Bukhaari and Muslim. 
    

     A woman is forbidden to undertake any kind of travel, unless 
    she has a mahram with her to protect her and look after her. The mahram is 
    her husband, or one to whom marriage is permanently forbidden because of 
    blood ties, breastfeeding or ties through marriage, such as her father, son, 
    brother, brother’s son (nephew), paternal uncle, maternal uncle, father in 
    law, husband’s son, her son through breastfeeding, her brother through 
    breastfeeding, and so on. This applies whether the woman is young or old, 
    whether she is alone or with other women. A group of women is not sufficient 
    in place of a mahram, because of the general meaning of the ahaadeeth, and 
    because the reason (for her not to travel alone) is still there.   

    What women and their guardians have to do is fear Allaah and 
    obey the commands of Allaah and His Messenger, and refrain from that which 
    has been forbidden by Allaah and His Messenger, especially when it comes to 
    preserving modesty and chastity and avoiding everything that may lead to 
    evil and corruption. It is not permissible to allow desires for worldly gain 
    to make them negligent with regard to this matter. 

    Hence it is not permissible for a woman to travel to perform 
    the obligatory Hajj without a mahram, and those who are in charge of Hajj 
    trips should not allow that, so as to avoid the sin of falling into 
    something that the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) 
    forbade, and so as to close the door to evil and corruption. Allaah, may He 
    be glorified and exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): 

    “And Hajj (pilgrimage to Makkah) to the House (Ka‘bah) is 
    a duty that mankind owes to Allaah, those who can afford the expenses (for 
    one’s conveyance, provision and residence)”

    [Aal ‘Imraan 3:97]

    One of the conditions of a woman being able to do Hajj is 
    that she should have a mahram who agrees to make himself available to travel 
    with her, and Allaah does not burden any soul beyond its scope. 

    Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah 
    (17/334-336) 

    Thirdly: 

    Just as you should know that it is not permissible for a 
    woman to travel except with her husband’s permission, the scholars are 
    unanimously agreed that it is not permissible for a woman to go for a 
    voluntary (naafil) Hajj except with her husband’s permission.   

    Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

    As for the voluntary Hajj, he has the right to prevent her 
    from doing it. Ibn al-Mundhir said: All of the scholars from whom I learned 
    knowledge were agreed that he has the right to prevent her from going out 
    for a voluntary Hajj. 

    That is because the rights of the husband are obligatory, and 
    she has no right to give precedence to something that is not obligatory. 

    Al-Mughni (3/192) 

    It is not permissible for you to travel for Hajj –even if you 
    have a mahram – if you husband has retracted his permission. 

    But the husband should not prevent his wife from traveling to 
    do an act of worship if that is not for a legitimate shar’i reason; he will 
    have a share of the reward that he attains if he gives her permission, and 
    if he helps her his reward will be greater. 

    Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Mughni 
    (3/283): If a husband has given his wife permission to do a naafil Hajj, 
    then he has the right to retract his permission before she enters ihram, but 
    if she has entered ihram then it is not permissible for him to retract his 
    permission. 

    You have to apologize to your friend and explain to her the 
    reason why you cannot travel with her, and explain that this is obedience to 
    Allaah and seeking not to disobey Him. The Muslim cannot give precedence to 
    pleasing any person, no matter who he is, over pleasing Allaah, may He be 
    exalted. 

    We ask Allaah to make things easy for you and to set things 
    straight between you and your husband. 

    And Allaah knows best.