Differences of opinion between husband and wife concerning matters where the scholars differed
Question

                How should we deal with a situation where one of the spouses wants to do something concerning which there is a difference of opinion among the fuqaha’, and each of them is supported by a different fatwa?.
Praise be to Allah.
    What the wife must do is obey her husband, unless that 
    involves sin or will harm her or deprive her of her rights, in which case 
    she should not obey him. 

    With regard to matters concerning which the scholars differ, 
    and the wife holds a view other than that of her husband, and he tells her 
    to do something contrary to that which she believes is more correct, the 
    answer varies according to the issue in question. 

    1 – If it has to do with a particular ruling or manner with 
    regard to her worship – whether it is obligatory or naafil – and that does 
    not affect the rights of the husband, and her doing it does not result in 
    any mistreatment towards him, then she does not have to do that which she is 
    not convinced of, if her husband tells her to do it. An example of that is 
    the zakaah on gold. If she believes that it is obligatory to pay zakaah on 
    gold even if it is kept for adornment – as is the more correct view – then 
    she is not obliged to obey the husband if he tells her not to pay zakaah on 
    her gold, from her own wealth, if he thinks that zakaah does not have to be 
    paid on gold that is kept for adornment. 

    Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have 
    mercy on him) said:  

    Some husbands prevent their wives from paying zakaah on their 
    jewellery, based on the second, weak view – to which we have referred above. 
    This is haraam; it is not permissible for a husband, father or brother to 
    prevent anyone who wants to pay zakaah on his wealth, and the wife has to 
    disobey her husband in this case and pay zakaah despite what he says, 
    because obedience to Allaah takes precedence over obedience to the husband, 
    and her husband will not be able to save her from the punishment of Allaah 
    on the Day of Resurrection. So for example, if her husband says, ‘This is a 
    matter concerning which the fuqaha’ differed and I do not believe it is 
    obligatory,’ she should say to him: ‘You have your view and I have mine; I 
    cannot omit paying zakaah, and in my view it is obligatory.’ In this case 
    she has to disobey him and obey Allaah. If she says, ‘I am afraid that he 
    will be angry,’ we say that there are two answers to that: 

    1 – We say: Let him be angry, for his anger is nothing in 
    comparison to the pleasure of Allaah. 

    2 – We say: be diplomatic towards him, i.e., pay the zakaah 
    in such a way that he does not know. Thus you will have paid the zakaah that 
    is required of you and you will be safe from your husband’s anger. 

    But with regard to this matter we say to the husband: Fear 
    Allaah! So long as the wife thinks that it is obligatory, it is not 
    permissible for you to prevent them from paying zakaah. The same applies to 
    fathers, if they say to their daughters: ‘Do not pay zakaah because I do not 
    think that it is obligatory.’  She (the daughter) has the right to say: ‘I 
    will not hear and obey, because hearing and obeying are for Allaah and His 
    Messenger.’ But if she is afraid that he will be angry – because some people 
    are weak in mind and religious commitment – then she may be diplomatic and 
    pay it without him knowing. 

    Jalasaat Ramadaaniyyah 1412 AH, 
    question no. 5. 

    Another example has to do with the manner of praying, such as 
    going down (for prostration) on the hands or knees first, or holding the 
    hands together after rukoo’. In such issues the wife is not obliged to 
    follow her husband’s opinion if it differs from hers, unless she thinks that 
    both views are of equal merit or she becomes convinced of his opinion.  

    2 – If the issue has to do with naafil acts of worship and 
    obedience that affect his rights, then it is not permissible for her to do 
    them, rather she is forbidden to do them, as is the case with observing 
    naafil fasts without his permission, or going out of the house to uphold 
    ties of kinship or make permissible visits without his permission, because 
    by doing that she is denying him his rights, and she is not sinning by not 
    doing (the naafil action), rather she will be rewarded for obeying her Lord 
    by giving her husband his rights and refraining from doing it for his sake. 

    Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

    He has the right to prevent her from going out for a 
    voluntary Hajj and entering ihraam for it, and there is no difference of 
    scholarly opinion concerning that. Ibn al-Mundhir said: All of the scholars 
    from whom we learned are unanimously agreed that the man has the right to 
    prevent his wife from going out for a voluntary Hajj, because it is a 
    voluntary act that affects the husband’s rights, so her husband has the 
    right to prevent her from doing it, like i’tikaaf. If he gives her 
    permission to do it, he has the right to change his mind so long as she has 
    not entered ihraam for it. If she has entered ihraam for it, he does not 
    have the right to change his mind or to make her exit ihraam, because 
    starting the Hajj makes it binding to complete it, so it becomes like that 
    which was originally obligatory.  

    Al-Mughni (3/572) 

    And he (may Allaah have mercy on him) said concerning the 
    husband forbidding his wife to visit her parents when they are sick: 

    The husband has the right to prevent her from going out of 
    his house for something that she has to do, whether she wants to go and see 
    her parents, or visit them when they are sick, or attend the funeral of one 
    of them. Ahmad said concerning a woman who has a husband and a sick mother: 
    Obedience to her husband is more obligatory upon her than obedience to her 
    mother, unless he gives her permission. 

    Because obedience to the husband is obligatory, whereas 
    visiting the sick is not obligatory, so it is not permissible to forsake 
    that which is obligatory for that which is not obligatory and it is not 
    permissible for her to go out without his permission. But the husband should 
    not prevent her from visiting her parents if they are sick or going to see 
    them, because that is cutting of ties of kinship with them and may make his 
    wife disobey him. Allaah has enjoined us to live with them honourably, and 
    this is not living with them honourably. 

    Al-Mughni (8/130). 

    3 – With regard to everything that is permissible for her, he 
    has the right to prevent her from doing it or make her follow his opinion if 
    he thinks it is haraam, and she must accept that if her doing it will cause 
    harm to her husband and expose him to humiliation or disrespect. For 
    example, covering the face is an issue concerning which the scholars 
    differed, but there is no one who says that it is haraam to cover the face. 
    If she thinks that it is acceptable to uncover the face, he has the right to 
    prevent her from showing it before non-mahrams, and he has the right to make 
    her follow his opinion, which is that it is obligatory to cover the face – 
    which is the more correct view – and she does not have the right to go 
    against him. She will be rewarded for doing that if she seeks reward for 
    obeying her Lord by obeying her husband and does that which is more 
    concealing. 

    4 – Whatever the wife thinks is obligatory, haraam or bid’ah 
    (innovation), she does not have to obey the husband by refraining from what 
    is obligatory or by doing that which is haraam or bid’ah. 

    We have mentioned above an example of something that is 
    obligatory, namely zakaah on gold. An example of something that the wife 
    thinks is haraam and that the husband thinks is permissible is covering the 
    face – the opposite of the scenario mentioned above. If she thinks that it 
    is haraam to uncover her face in front of non-mahram men, her husband does 
    not have the right to tell her to uncover it on the basis that he thinks it 
    is permissible for her to uncover her face. 

    The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked:   

    Can I disobey my husband if he asks me to uncover my face in 
    front of non-mahrams? Do the words “There is no obedience to any created 
    being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator” apply in this case? 
    Please note that there is a difference of opinion among the scholars 
    concerning the ruling on covering the face. Is it permissible for me to 
    uncover my face when I am in my house if my husband’s male relatives are 
    present, or when I open the door for the electrician or gas technician, or 
    when I go out on the balcony to hang out laundry, if I wear full hijab 
    without covering the face? 

    They replied: 

     It is haraam for the wife to obey her husband with regard to 
    something that Allaah has forbidden, because there is no obedience to any 
    created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator. That includes 
    uncovering the face in front of non-mahram men, whether they are his 
    relatives or her relatives or anyone else, inside the house, outside the 
    house, and on the balcony, or when opening the door to the electrician or 
    guests. Hijaab is not complete unless one adheres to what has been 
    mentioned. 

    Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz, Shaykh ‘Abd al-Razzaaq 
    ‘Afeefi, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Ghadyaan. 

    Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah 
    (17/257, 258) 

    Here we should point out a few things: 

    (a)

    Kind treatment of spouses is obligatory upon both parties. 

    (b)

    It is not permissible for the spouses to mock one another for 
    their views. 

    (c)

    Both spouses must follow the most knowledgeable and 
    religiously committed of those whom they refer to for fatwas, and they must 
    avoid following whims and desires when looking for concessions. 

    (d)

    In issues that are broad in scope it is not permissible for 
    the husband to put pressure on his wife, but in issues that are broad in 
    scope it is better and preferable for the wife to follow the husband’s 
    opinion. 

    (e)

    We advise both spouses to seek knowledge, and look for the 
    truth, and stop arguing on the basis of falsehood. Each party should seek 
    the truth.                            

    (f)

    The happy family is the one in which there is love, 
    compassion and understanding between all family members. You are not in a 
    university or college and do not have to base things on debates. Be a good 
    example to your children in following the truth and do not differences lead 
    to arguments. 

    And Allaah knows best.