She feels that she is not happy in her marriage
Question

                I’ve been married for about a year now and of that year I have only lived with my husband for the first three months, and the rest we have been partly estranged from one another. During this period, he and I have had poor communication and lived in two different countries due to mutual agreement , we speak two different languages although we are from the same country our communication is really poor. I married him thinking that he is a pious person due to his upbringing and family, but I couldn’t be more wrong. He always delays his prayers even if he can hear the calling, he gives me a hard time for waking him up for fair and makes up ridiculous excuses for not waking up, i.e I'm not waking him up sweet enough etc. Now I'm stuck in a marriage which I feel suffocated in; I tried my best to be a good wife but feel unwanted and not loved. He has made me feel insecure with everything I do as nothing is good enough. I don't feel like a women, let alone a human. Only Allah know how I have lived my whole life with the abused and emotional scars from a tender age which has caused trust and social issues due to my experiences. Mentally I can't take it anymore; I know it's Allah's test but it just hurts so much. I thought marriage will help me be closer to Allah but it hasn't. I have nothing; no job, friends or religious community I just live day by day in uncertainty. I don't want to go to hell and I feel this marriage has made me a worse person religiously than I was before.
Praise be to Allah.
	Firstly: 

	It is clear from your question 
	that the psychological effects of your former life are still dominating the 
	way you think and act. You mention something about the emotional scars that 
	you suffered for many years, and it is as if you were waiting for your 
	husband to compensate you for all the pain of the past. When you did not 
	find that with him, you felt frustrated and that exacerbated your sense of 
	not being cared for or loved, and this is the main cause of the problem. 

	One would expect that in the 
	past you would have learned the most important lesson of life, which is that 
	one should not rely on people in order to attain inner happiness, and one 
	should build social relationships on a foundation of values and morals, not 
	on the basis of emotions and feelings of lack and need. For example, if you 
	make friends with a woman, you should make friends with her and be kind to 
	her because Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, loves those who are kind 
	and because sincerity is one of the good values by means of which a person 
	is raised in status before Allah, and not because you need that woman or 
	because you expect her to show you a great deal of love, or because she 
	shows you love and kindness in return. This is not the basis on which the 
	Muslim should interact with people; rather he should interact with them on 
	the basis that Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, loves him to live and 
	mix with them on that basis, and not to expect mercy, love and care from 
	anyone except Allah, may He be glorified and exalted. 

	We understand that it is 
	something very natural for a person to expect love and kindness from others, 
	especially those to whom he has himself shown love and kindness. But this 
	expectation should be built on a basis of strength and confidence, not 
	weakness and lack of confidence, in the sense that one always expects the 
	course of compassion between people to falter and for the exchange of 
	sincere emotions with the closest of people to fail, so that he will make 
	himself get used to the values of kindness and sacrifice, and he should deal 
	with them on the basis of kindness for the sake of Allah and to remember 
	that He is always watching him in his dealings with people, as Allah 
	described the kindness of His slaves in the verse in which He says 
	(interpretation of the meaning):

	
	[Saying], "We feed you only for the countenance of Allah . We wish not from 
	you reward or gratitude.

	Indeed, We 
	fear from our Lord a Day austere and distressful." (al-Insan 76:9-10) 

	Secondly: 

	With regard to what you mention 
	of your husband’s falling short in regularly offering the prayers on time, 
	this is his sin and not yours; it is his disobedience and not yours. We 
	affirm this to you because we got the impression from your question that you 
	feel as if Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, will call you to account 
	for his shortcomings. But that is not correct at all. All you have to do is 
	offer advice with kind words, at the right time. Then if he improves, praise 
	be to Allah. Otherwise, we do not advise you to cut off ties with him 
	because of a sin or shortcoming. The way people are and the way life is 
	nowadays requires us to think more realistically and to constantly look for 
	the best, then the next best, and to choose the most appropriate, then the 
	next most appropriate of what life offers us (in other words, we should be 
	willing to compromise sometimes). 

	You should understand that the 
	weakness of communication between you and the long intervals between meeting 
	are the main cause for what you are feeling, especially since this 
	separation occurred very early on, after only three months of marriage. Such 
	a separation usually leads to a cooling off in the relationship and a 
	decrease in attraction between you, as well as misunderstandings, negative 
	thinking and a lot of insinuating whispers, let alone the physical changes 
	that occur at the beginning of marriage. All of that helps to increase the 
	feelings of distress and grief that you describe in your question. 

	The remedy to that begins with 
	appreciation of the blessings that Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, 
	has bestowed upon you, starting with marriage, and realising that marriage 
	inevitably involves some problems, and that perfect happiness can only come 
	in the Hereafter. Rather in this world we should look for relative happiness 
	within the framework of striving to please Allah, may He be glorified and 
	exalted, and within the framework of family and social relationships, 
	focusing on what we love to do and what we think is beneficial for 
	ourselves, our communities and our ummah. 

	This requires you to begin a new 
	communication with your husband, forgetting about the past and putting up 
	with any annoyance or trouble that you may go through because of him. You 
	should try to take the initiative in being kind and gentle, overlooking 
	mistakes and forgiving him. Try to work with him to find a solution to the 
	problem of being far apart, because lengthy separation is definitely a cause 
	for all of the psychological problems that may arise between spouses. You 
	have no choice but to look for a solution to this problem, either by him 
	coming back to stay with you in the country where you got married, or by you 
	moving to join him. You should both look together to see what is easier for 
	him and for you, and what is most appropriate for both parties, then do 
	that. The more you show initiative and express a desire for connection and 
	kindness, and keenness to be with your husband and to join him, the easier 
	you will find it, and the more effective you will be in mending the 
	relationship between you both, and helping your husband to get rid of his 
	ill-feelings and encouraging him to start over with you. And who knows? 
	Perhaps Allah will cause something to happen, and perhaps He will reconcile 
	you with your husband in the best way; perhaps Allah will guide him thereby 
	and make him more religiously-committed and a better person. So try hard and 
	do not spare any effort to achieve that. 

	At the same time, you should 
	train yourself to be patient and exercise patience, and you should fill your 
	time with beneficial deeds, of which there are so many, and develop yourself 
	and your skills, which we all need to do – especially if you are in a 
	country where there are a lot of opportunities for learning, training and 
	acquiring new skills, or getting involved in voluntary charitable 
	activities, in gatherings of righteous women and Islamic centres that are 
	run by trustworthy people. 

	So do not fall short in filling 
	every moment with something good, and after that, if Allah wills, you will 
	find a good outcome and a positive impact on all your social relationships, 
	and on your relationship with your husband which you should take care of and 
	overcome all the unjustifiable negative thinking that you mentioned in your 
	question. 

	We ask Allah to guide us and 
	you, and to suffice us all and protect us from all ills. 

	And Allah knows best.