She is suffering because of problems in the relationship between her and her husband, and she wants advice
Question

                I have been married for 5 years. I have not been nearly a good wife to my husband, but I have sacrificed a lot for our marriage. I worked along side of him and have always supported him but wasnt a good housewife and had always been behind with my chores. Unfortunately now our relationship is in a big crisis and I seek your support. My husband has always been critical towards me but now things are becoming worse, he criticises me about everything and says that i never listen to him. We recently had a baby and thats mainly when things became more serious. I feel bad because we are always arguing around her and i know this is not good for her future. My husband always asks his brother who is a doctor for advice and leaves out my opinion as second hand. He hates it when I ask my mother for advice because they are not in good relationship.

Please give me guidance on the above. I also have a few additional questions below:

If my mother disrespected my husband in his house, how was he supposed to respond, conaidering he was disrespected before.

What is the islamic view on mothers instinct and according to islam is there such a thing as father's instinct?

What can I do if my husband always sees faults in me?
Praise be to Allah.
	Undoubtedly a great deal of criticism and arguing in front of 
	the children is something negative that undermines harmony and love. 
	Our advice to you and your husband is to reduce that as 
	much as possible, and to show restraint; each of you should force himself to 
	be patient with the other and to delay issues of arguments and discussion 
	until you are by yourselves.

	Our advice to the husband is not to think that any human 
	being could be free of faults or shortcomings, because that is part of human 
	nature, so how about the woman, whose basic nature the Prophet (blessings 
	and peace of Allah be upon him) has told us about, and said that there is no 
	hope of changing her nature completely.

	It was narrated from Samurah ibn Jundub that the Messenger of 
	Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:

	“Woman was created from a rib; if you try to straighten her 
	you will break her. So be kind to her and you will live with ease with her.”

	Narrated by Ahmad (20093) and Ibn Hibbaan (4178); classed as 
	saheeh by al-Albaani.

	Moreover, our advice to you is not to respond to criticism 
	with more arguments and stubbornness, because this will put more strain on 
	the connection between you, which is about to break because of that. Being 
	more easy-going and diplomatic is something that is required from both 
	parties. It is required from the husband, in the form of kindness, 
	overlooking mistakes and showing compassion, and it is required from the 
	religiously committed, smart and wise wife to put up with the annoyance 
	of her husband, and not to be so harsh with him if he is harsh with her; 
	rather she should be easy-going, as much as she can, avoid provoking his 
	anger and not be confrontational. She should be as gentle as she can, and be 
	soft with him.

	It was narrated that ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Abbaas said: The 
	Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Shall I 
	not tell you about your wives among the people of Paradise: the one who is 
	loving, fertile, and beneficial to her husband, who if she is upset or 
	annoyed, she comes and takes her husband’s hand, then she says: ‘By Allah, I 
	shall not sleep until you are pleased with me.”

	Narrated by an-Nasaa’i in as-Sunan al-Kubra (9094); 
	classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in as-Saheehah (287)

	What is well-established in psychology, and what is known 
	from experience, is that stubbornness and arguing with a husband who is not 
	patient with lengthy discussions and arguments will only result in bad 
	consequences for the marriage and will increase resentment between the 
	spouses.

	Our advice to our sister is to discuss less and go along with 
	him, and to show a great deal of admiration for his thoughts and opinions in 
	general, even if you differ concerning some of the details. With this 
	attitude you can reduce arguments, dispel resentment and make him more open 
	to listening to your discussion and point of view. It would be a good idea 
	for you to go to a psychologist who specialises in couples counselling, 
	because that can help to uncover the subtle causes of the problem between 
	you and deal with the matter in an effective manner.

	You should realise that it is not a must for the husband to 
	consult his wife; rather he may consult someone whose opinion and experience 
	he trusts among his family and friends, or experts other than people whom he 
	knows.

	The most that can be said regarding the issue of a man 
	consulting his wife is that it is something that is encouraged and is good, 
	and it comes under the heading of kind treatment and noble character. 
	Moreover, people vary in their nature, attitude, way of thinking and 
	behaviour. So be wise, and do not take risks with regard to your family life 
	and marriage. Forgive him some of his harshness and put up with some of his 
	obstinacy, so long as it does not involve sin and no obvious harm will 
	result to you or your family. Put up with what you dislike, for in patiently 
	bearing what one dislikes there is a great deal of good, as the most 
	truthful one (the Prophet – blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said.

	·
	
	With regard to 
	the mother’s instinct, from a linguistic point of view the Arabic word for 
	instinct means nature. In terms of psychology, it refers to human behaviour 
	that is based on nature and heredity. Every person has instincts and 
	inclinations that differ according to his inherent nature and hereditary 
	factors. Based on that, the mother’s instinct is no more than maternal 
	behaviour that is based on her nature and genetic makeup. One of the most 
	well-known manifestations of these natural instincts is the mother’s 
	instinct to protect her child and ward off anything that may harm him.

	But this instinct may become contaminated and malfunction 
	because of unsound social influences and customs because of which the mother 
	sees what is beneficial as harmful, so that facts are turned upside down in 
	her mind and she becomes confused.

	Therefore the mother should not be regarded as reliable 
	unless it is proven that she is mature and well balanced, and that she is 
	not influenced by unsound standards that are alien to sound human nature.

	The same may be said concerning the father’s instinct and 
	what may result from it.

	·
	
	Finally:

	Your husband should be kind to your mother and treat her 
	well, even if she has a different point of view than him. That is because 
	she is like his own mother, and responding in a better way to bad treatment 
	has a magical effect on people. Allah, may He be exalted, says 
	(interpretation of the meaning):

	“Repel (the evil deed) with one 
	which is better (i.e. Allah ordered the faithful believers to be patient at 
	the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly), then verily! 
	he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a 
	close friend”

	[Fussilat 41:35].

	In addition to that, you should pay attention to the fact 
	that your husband does not like you to consult your mother, because your 
	insistance on consulting her and seeking her opinion, despite what you 
	say about the relationship between them not being good, makes matters 
	worse. A man does not like even someone who agrees with him to interfere in 
	his decisions and leadership, so what you think about one who differs with 
	him?!

	So do not do what he resents and do not refrain from doing 
	what he likes. We give you the glad tidings that the Messenger of Allah 
	(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) gave: “If a woman offers her five 
	daily prayers, fasts her month (of Ramadan), guards her chastity and obeys 
	her husband, she will enter through whichever of the gates of Paradise she 
	wants.”

	Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan (4163); classed as hasan by al-Albaani

	And Allah knows best.