She loves him but he cannot stand her because she is not beautiful. Should he divorce her?
Question

                I married a girl two years ago, and I agreed to it because she is religiously committed and she had memorized the Qur’aan in a short time. But when I saw her on the night of the engagement, I was put off because she is not beautiful. But I forced myself to accept her because of her religious commitment and other good qualities. We got married, but then I found out that she is bad-tempered and moody, which has affected our relationship and has made me keep away from her even more. It has reached a stage  where I think that I do not love her, and I have started to shun her in bed, and she has been harmed by that a great deal, but she loves me, and I am afraid that if I divorce her, she will be greatly affected by that. I deeply regret having married her, and I am very upset, but I cannot stand her and I do not want her to waste her life with someone who does not love her, and I feel confused. I am very worried that my Lord may punish me for having married her even though I did not like her. I heard a lecture from a Shaykh who said: Marry her for her religious commitment even if she is not beautiful. What is the solution? May Allaah bless you.
Praise be to Allah.
    We highlight 
    many points in our answer, and we hope that you will pay attention to what 
    we are going to say. 

    1 – Allaah has 
    commanded husbands to treat their wives kindly, and He tells them that they 
    may dislike their wives in some ways but they should not hasten to divorce 
    them, rather they should be patient and keep them for two reasons: 

    (i)

    Because if 
    they dislike one thing about them, there may be other good things about them 
    that they like. So if someone has a wife whose looks are not pleasing to 
    him, we say to him: Be content that she is a woman of good character, and 
    make this quality a reason for keeping her and being patient with her, for 
    that is what is best for your honour and your wealth and is best for your 
    children’s upbringing. 

    (ii)

    Allaah has 
    decreed that there is a lot of good in this world and in the Hereafter, in 
    his being patient and putting up with her. In this world he may have a 
    righteous child from her, and in the Hereafter he may be greatly rewarded 
    for his patience. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

    “and live 
    with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a 
    thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good”

    [al-Nisa’ 
    4:19]

    Imam al-Tabari 
    (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

    “and live 
    with them honourably. If you dislike them” perhaps you dislike them but 
    if you keep them, Allaah will grant you a great deal of good because of your 
    keeping them even though you dislike them, such as a child you are blessed 
    with through them, or your kindness towards them although you dislike them. 

    Tafseer 
    al-Tabari 
    (8/122) 

    Imam Ibn 
    Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:  

    The words of 
    Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): “If you dislike them, it may be 
    that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good”

    [al-Nisa’ 
    4:19]

     mean: perhaps 
    your patience in keeping them although you dislike them will bring you a 
    great deal of good in this world and in the Hereafter, as Ibn ‘Abbaas said 
    concerning this verse: it may be if he is kind to her that he may be blessed 
    with a child from her, and there will be a great deal of good in this child. 
    In the saheeh hadeeth it says: “No believing man should hate a believing 
    woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics he will be pleased with 
    another.” 

    Tafseer Ibn 
    Katheer 
    (2/243) 

    Shaykh 
    al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

    What both 
    spouses must do is to fulfil the duties enjoined by Allaah of kind 
    treatment, and the husband should not mistreat the wife because of his being 
    of a higher status than her and being in charge of her affairs. Similarly it 
    is not permissible for the wife to try to prove she is better than the 
    husband. Rather both of them must treat the other kindly. It is well known 
    that the husband may dislike the wife, either because she falls short in her 
    duties towards him or because of some lack of intelligence and wisdom, and 
    so on. How should he deal with this woman? We say: This is mentioned in the 
    Qur'aan and in the Sunnah. Allaah, may He be blessed and exalted, says 
    (interpretation of the meaning): 

    “If you 
    dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through 
    it a great deal of good”

    [al-Nisa’ 
    4:19]

    And this 
    happens in fact. A man may dislike his wife for some reason, but he shows 
    patience, and Allaah creates a lot of good in this, and the dislike turns to 
    love, the lack of interest to delight, and so on . 

    And the 
    Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No believing 
    man should hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics 
    he will be pleased with another.” Look at this balanced view.  Allaah gave 
    great wisdom to the Messenger  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon 
    him): “If he dislikes one of her characteristics he will be pleased with 
    another.” Does anyone get everything he wants in this world? No, not at all. 
    You will never get everything you want in this world, and even if one thing 
    is perfect, something else will be lacking, even days. Allaah says 
    (interpretation of the meaning): 

    “And so are 
    the days (good and not so good), that We give to men by turns”

    [Aal 
    ‘Imraan 3:140]

    Concerning 
    that the Jaahili poet said: 

    A day against 
    us and a day for us, a day when we are sad and a day when we are happy. 

    Try this and 
    you will find that it is true. The world does not stay the same. A well 
    known saying is: It is impossible for things to stay the same. So if you 
    dislike something about your wife, think instead of what you are pleased 
    with, until you are convinced. 

    Liqaa’aat 
    al-Baab il-Maftooh 
    (introduction to part 159) 

    2 – You should 
    note that the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told 
    us that beauty is one of the things for which a woman may be married, but he 
     (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told us of that which is 
    better, which is a wife who is religiously-committed. 

    It was 
    narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the 
    Messenger of Allaah  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: 
    “Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their 
    beauty and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is 
    religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you 
    prosper).” 

    Narrated by 
    al-Bukhaari (4802) and Muslim (1466). 

    Badr al-Deen 
    al-‘Ayni (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

    He mentioned 
    “their religious commitment” because through that one may attain goodness in 
    this world and in the Hereafter. What is befitting for those who are 
    religiously committed and of noble character is that religion should be 
    their focus in all things, especially in long-term matters. Hence the 
    Messenger chose that which is best in the long-term and emphasized its 
    importance, so he said choose the one who is religiously-committed, because 
    through her you will attain the benefits of both realms (this world and the 
    Hereafter) and your hands will be rubbed with dust if you do not do what you 
    have been enjoined to do. Al-Karmaani said:  Choose (the one who is 
    religiously-committed), if you understand, O you who are seeking guidance. 

    They differed 
    concerning the meaning of the words “may your hands be rubbed with dust.” It 
    was said that it is basically a du’aa’ but the Arabs use it to express 
    objection, wonder, veneration and encouragement, and this is what is meant 
    here. It is encouragement to seek the company of religiously-committed 
    people in all things, because the one who keeps company with them will 
    benefit from their attitudes and will be safe from evil on their part. 

    ‘Umdat 
    al-Qaari’ Sharh Saheeh al-Bukhaari 
    (20/86) 

    3 – You should 
    note that true beauty is inward, and the worldly beauty in outward form is 
    bound to fade, either through sickness or burns, or with age. So the wise 
    man looks for beauty that will not fade, but will increase and not decrease. 
    The effect of this beauty is seen in a woman’s attitude and good treatment 
    of her husband, and the good way in which she raises her children. 

    4 – You should 
    note that Allaah calls that which exists between husband and wife 
    “affection” and “mercy”; He does not call it “love”. He says (interpretation 
    of the meaning): 

    “And among 
    His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that 
    you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. 
    Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect”

    [al-Room 
    30:21]

    This is 
    usually how it is among wise and noble people. The one who wants to get 
    married hears of a woman who is fit for marriage and he comes to propose to 
    her and is impressed by her beauty or religious commitment or modesty, so he 
    marries her. We do not say in this case that he has married for love, and 
    Allaah does not call that which He creates between them love. This is not to 
    reject the word or deny that love exists, rather it is to point out 
    something of the greatest importance, which is that marriage is prescribed 
    for many purposes, such as keeping oneself chaste, building a Muslim family 
    and having children. Hence it was narrated from ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may 
    Allaah be pleased with him) that a man came to him wanting to divorce his 
    wife, and when ‘Umar asked him about the reason for that, he said that he 
    did not love her. ‘Umar replied: Are families not built on anything but 
    love. 

    ‘Umar also 
    asked a woman whether she felt hatred towards her husband? She said: Yes. 
    ‘Umar said to her: One of you should lie (about their feelings) and be 
    patient. Not every family is built on love, but on good treatment on the 
    basis of lineage and 
    Islam.                                                                   
    

    So think about 
    this, and look at the problems experienced by those who marry beautiful 
    women who are not religiously-committed, and see how their lives are, full 
    of despair, misery, doubts and suspicion. Look at the happiness and harmony 
    experienced by those who marry religiously-committed women and how their 
    lives are and how their children grow up. 

    5 – You could 
    take a second wife, and keep this wife too. You have two choices: 

    (i)

    Give her her 
    rights in full, and give her the same share as the second wife, which is 
    treating her kindly as is enjoined upon you, and as we have mentioned at the 
    beginning of the answer, and as it is well known that it is haraam to 
    mistreat others in general, and especially in the case of co-wives. 

    (ii)

    You could come 
    to some agreement whereby your wife gives up some of her rights to a share 
    of your time, but you keep her as a wife and look after her and see her; you 
    can enter upon her and stay with her, and she will raise your child for you, 
    and preserve your honour and your wealth. After some time your feelings 
    towards her may change, and you may give her a share of your time as you 
    give to your second wife. This solution is mentioned in the Book of Allaah, 
    in the Sunnah of the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon 
    him) and in the words of the scholars. 

    It was 
    narrated from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) (concerning the 
    verse) “And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on her husband’s part, 
    there is no sin on them both if they make terms of peace between themselves; 
    and making peace is better. And human inner-selves are swayed by greed. But 
    if you do good and keep away from evil, verily, Allaah is Ever 
    Well‑Acquainted with what you do” [al-Nisa’ 4:128] that she said: This 
    refers to a man who see something that he does not like in his wife, because 
    of old age or something else, and he wants to divorce her, and she says: 
    Keep me and give me whatever share you want. She said: There is nothing 
    wrong with that if they both agree. Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2548) and 
    Muslim (3021). 

    According to a 
    version narrated by Muslim she said: This was revealed concerning a woman 
    who is married to a man, and he no longer wants to be intimate her, but she 
    has been with him for so long and she has children with him, and she does 
    not want him to leave her, so she says to him: you have no obligation 
    towards me. 

    End quote. 

    Ibn al-Qayyim 
    (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

    If a man 
    spends some time with his wife then he starts to dislike  her, or he is 
    unable to fulfil her rights, then he may divorce her or he may give her the 
    choice: if she wants she may stay with him with no right to a share of his 
    time and intimacy and maintenance, or some of that, according to whatever 
    they agree upon, and if she agrees to that then it becomes binding and she 
    has no right to demand anything after it has been agreed. This is in 
    accordance with the Sunnah and it is the correct way and there is no 
    justification for anything else. 

    Zaad 
    al-Ma’aad 
    (5/152). 

    5 – If you 
    cannot be patient in keeping her and treating her kindly, and you cannot 
    take a second wife, or she refuses to reconcile, then you have nothing but 
    the final option, which is to divorce her and part from her in a kind 
    manner, and give her her rights in full, and perhaps Allaah will choose 
    someone better for you than her, and will choose someone better than you for 
    her. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

    “But 
    if they separate (by divorce), Allaah will provide abundance for everyone of 
    them from His Bounty. And Allaah is Ever All‑Sufficient for His creatures’ 
    needs, All‑Wise”

    [al-Nisa’ 
    4:130]

    Divorce is 
    permissible in this case, and it is not haraam or makrooh, but it is the 
    last resort as it says in al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (29/9): 

    It is 
    permissible in cases of necessity in order to ward off the woman’s bad 
    attitude or behaviour, or because he does not love her. 

    End quote. 

    We ask Allaah 
    to choose that which is best for you and for her, and to help you both to do 
    that which pleases Him, and to set your affairs straight.

    And Allaah is 
    the Source of strength.