Married to a Christian woman – what should he do next?
Question

                I'm muslem by birth. Except fasting during Ramadan, I haven't been practicing much else of Islam til about 3 years ago. I married a christian (non practicing) american women about 5 years ago but I've known her for 5 more years before that. I've been hoping that she'll see the light and convert to islam but it didn't happen. We talked about it and she said that converting to islam is out of the question. She's a very nice person from a very nice family and she helped me a lot since I moved to the USA. She wants to have kids soon (so do I), but it will kill me to see my kids grow up other then muslems. Even though she agrees that the children will grow up as muslems. She said she will teach them Islam and would not confuse them by teaching them any other religion. She doesn't know much about islam and she said she'll start learning as soon as she gets pregnant. I'm very scared and depressed about this. I tried ending up the marriage 3 times but every time she cried til my heart softened and agreed to give it one more try. I'm running out of time and I don't think I can go on with having children with her. She'll resent it if we never have children and we'll probably end up separated sooner ar later.

Please advise me as to what to do. What are my responsibilities towards her if we should divorce?.
Praise be to Allah.
    Firstly: 

    We advise you to adhere to Islam and adhere to its obligatory 
    duties such as prayer, zakaah and fasting, and to be an example to your wife 
    so that perhaps Allaah will guide her at your hands and you will achieve 
    much good thereby. 

    Secondly: 

    Your anxieties and fears about your children growing up as 
    non-Muslims – if they are born from this woman – reflects a commendable 
    concern on your part for your religion and the religion of your children. 
    Undoubtedly this good attitude is a good thing. In order to find peace of 
    mind you need to make a great deal of du’aa’ and ask Allaah to protect your 
    religious commitment and that of your children. You have to pray istikhaarah 
    as prescribed in Islam, and ask Allaah to guide you and help you to make the 
    right decision as far as your religious commitment is concerned,  and choose 
    whether to stay with her and have children with her, or to leave her and 
    marry a committed Muslim woman with whom you will feel confident – by 
    Allaah’s leave – about your children. Be certain that whoever gives up 
    something for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will compensate him with something 
    better than it, as is proven in the hadeeth of the Prophet  (peace and 
    blessings of Allaah be upon him). You can make the most of your wife’s being 
    so attached to you to explain to her that if there is a conflict between 
    your love for her and the soundness of your religious commitment, then the 
    soundness of your religious commitment has to take priority. Perhaps this 
    will motivate her to enter the true religion of Allaah – Islam. 

    You should note that you cannot force her to enter Islam 
    without conviction, because entering the religion of Islam by force will not 
    benefit her, as Ibn Katheer mentioned (1/211). 

    See also The effects of marriage to kitaabi women (i.e., 
    Jewish and Christian women), question no. 
    20227. 

    Thirdly: 

    If your circumstances are conducive to your raising your 
    children as Muslims and protecting them from religious and moral deviation, 
    and your wife and her family will not be able to influence them in those 
    areas, then there is nothing wrong with trying to have children with your 
    wife, even if she remains a Christian, because having children is also the 
    wife’s right, and that may help her to learn about Islam and look into it as 
    she has promised to do. 

    Fourthly: 

    You should try to move to a Muslim country where you will be 
    able to give your children a sound upbringing, whether you stay with this 
    wife or marry someone else, because staying in the kaafir lands is not 
    permissible except in cases of necessity or where it serves the interests of 
    the Muslims – such as staying there to call people to Allaah, or to study 
    and acquire knowledge that the Muslims need but is not available in their 
    countries – so long as one is able to practise Islam openly and call others 
    to Islam, because the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon 
    him) said: “I disavow any Muslim who stays among the mushrikeen.” Narrated 
    by Abu Dawood, 2645; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood. 

    For more information on this issue please see question no. 
    13363. 

    Fifthly: 

    In the event of a divorce, then the wife is entitled to the 
    delayed mahr (dowry), if applicable. With regard to accommodation and 
    maintenance, that depends on the type of divorce: 

    If a man has given his wife one revocable talaaq (divorce), 
    then she is entitled to accommodation and maintenance during the ‘iddah; she 
    may also inherit from him and he from her (if either of them dies) during 
    this period, because they are still married. The evidence that a woman 
    divorced by a revocable talaaq is entitled to accommodation is the verse in 
    which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

    “O Prophet! When you divorce women, divorce them at their 
    ‘Iddah (prescribed periods) and count (accurately) their ‘Iddah (periods). 
    And fear Allaah your Lord (O Muslims). And turn them not out of their 
    (husband’s) homes nor shall they (themselves) leave, except in case they are 
    guilty of some open illegal sexual intercourse. And those are the set limits 
    of Allaah. And whosoever transgresses the set limits of Allaah, then indeed 
    he has wronged himself. You (the one who divorces his wife) know not it may 
    be that Allaah will afterward bring some new thing to pass (i.e. to return 
    her back to you if that was the first or second divorce)”

    [al-Talaaq 65:1]

    If she does not go back to him until after the ‘iddah has 
    ended, then she can only go back to him with a new marriage contract. 

    If a man divorces his wife with an irrevocable talaaq, then 
    she is not entitled to accommodation and maintenance during the ‘iddah, 
    unless she is pregnant. 

    Irrevocable divorce is of two types: 

    (i)The “lesser” type, which is 
    divorce before the marriage has been consummated, and the divorce in return 
    for some compensation or payment.

    (ii)The “greater” type, which is 
    the third of three talaaqs.

    The evidence that a woman who has been divorced by an 
    irrevocable talaaq is not entitled to maintenance or accommodation is the 
    report narrated by Muslim (1480) from al-Sha’bi who said: I entered upon 
    Faatimah bint Qays and asked her about the ruling of the Messenger of Allaah 
     (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). She said that her husband 
    divorced her irrevocably and she referred the matter to the Messenger of 
    Allaah  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to judge with regard 
    to accommodation and maintenance. She said: He did not grant me 
    accommodation or maintenance, and he told me to observe my ‘iddah in the 
    house of Ibn Umm Maktoom. 

    According to another report also narrated by Muslim she said: 
    I mentioned that to the Messenger of Allaah  (peace and blessings of 
    Allaah be upon him) and he said: “You are not entitled to any maintenance or 
    accommodation.” According to a version narrated by Abu Dawood: “You are not 
    entitled to any maintenance unless you are pregnant.” 

    And Allaah knows best.