I want us to get our own place but my husband refuses; what should I do?
Question

                Im married to my husband for 9 years and we have 3 girls. I'm having a big problem in my marriage; since I'm married I'm living in my in-laws' house. My in-laws aren't really happy about it and give me a very hard time, but my husband refuses to move out (even though he is more than capable). I've tried nicely to ask my husband to move out for the last 6 years. My husband also has issues with respecting women due to his childhood experience. Now I'm losing my patience. I don't think I can go on any more. I've spoken to my parents and they want me to go back to my country. Now I have 3 girls who I love and care for; the oldest is 7 and the youngest is 2. I was wondering if I try to get khul', who is entitled to get the custody and can I leave for my country before getting the khul' as I don't think mentally I am capable of staying in this house far away from all my relatives any more. Please let me know what I can do according to Quran and Sunnah.
Praise be to Allah.
      Firstly: 

    One of the rights that the wife has over her husband is that he should 
    accommodate her in separate accommodation that is appropriate for her, 
    whilst paying attention to the husband’s financial situation. The husband 
    does not have the right to force his wife to live with his family, whether 
    that is his mother or his sisters; rather what he is obliged to do is to 
    give her separate accommodation of her own. 

    Secondly: 

    Our advice to you is not to rush to go back to your family, and to have a 
    calm discussion with your husband, explaining to him your need and your 
    daughters’ need for separate accommodation, and speak nicely to him, so that 
    this problem can be solved in an atmosphere of mutual understanding and 
    bearing in mind that which is in the family’s best interests, far removed 
    from tension and disputes. 
Be 
    certain that your good attitude will never be lost with Allah, and you will 
    find good results from it in this world and the Hereafter, by Allah’s 
    leave. 

    Thirdly: 

    With regard to seeking divorce or separation (by talaq or khul‘), this is 
    not an appropriate solution for you, especially as you have children 
    together. What wrong have they done, to deserve to live far away from their 
    father or from their mother? 

    Moreover, what will their situation be, if custody is given to you or to 
    him? 

    Think long and hard about that, and give it a great deal of thought, and be 
    rational and wise, avoiding emotions such as anger and frustration. 

    What we advise you to do and urge you to do is to stay with your husband and 
    be patient with the way he is with you, until Allah grants you relief and a 
    way out. Perhaps Allah will open your husband’s heart to that which is good 
    for him and for his household. Try not to involve your parents in your 
    problem with your husband, especially since they live far away. Give them 
    the impression that your situation will soon be resolved, by Allah’s leave, 
    and that your circumstances will improve, so that they will not be anxious 
    about you and your situation. 

    Our advice is to be forbearing and patient, and to continue trying to 
    convince your husband of the importance of having your own place. Remember 
    that a person may hate something, but it is good for him, as it will bring 
    him a great deal of reward, expiate his bad deeds, and serve other interests 
    which he may be unaware of at that time. 

    Allah the Almighty indeed spoke the truth when He said (interpretation of the meanings): “…it 
    may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a 
    thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know” 
    [al-Baqarah 2:216]. 

    According to the famous hadith of Ibn ‘Abbas, he said: I was riding behind 
    the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and he 
    said: “O young boy, shall I 
    not tell you of some words by which Allah may benefit you?” I said: Of 
    course. He said: “Be mindful of Allah and He will protect you. Be mindful of 
    Allah and you will find Him in front of you. Acknowledge Him at times of 
    ease and He will acknowledge you (and help you) at times of hardship. If you 
    ask, ask of Allah; if you seek help, seek help from Allah. The Pen has been 
    lifted with regard to what will be, so if all of mankind wanted to benefit 
    you with something that Allah has not decreed for you, they will not be able 
    to do it, and if they wanted to harm you with something that Allah has not 
    decreed for you, they will not be able to do it. Know that there is a 
    great deal of good in patiently bearing what is disliked, victory comes with 
    patience and relief comes with distress and with hardship comes ease.” 

    Narrated by Ahmad (2803) and others; classed as saheeh by al-Albani 

    Finally: 

    Supplication (Du‘a) is the weapon of the believer, so offer a great deal 
    of supplication, asking Allah to guide your husband and reconcile between 
    you. 
We 
    ask Allah, may He be exalted, to enable you to do all that is good and to 
    make things easy for you. 

    And Allah knows best.