Should he marry a woman who got divorced for his sake?
Question

                I am a man who has been married for 13 years and I have three children. About two years ago I left my wife’s bed because my wife had gotten very fat and does not take care of herself. 

One and a half years ago I got to know a married woman, and this woman fell deeply in love with me, to such an extent that she left her husband and two daughters and got divorced. Since her divorce she has been very attached to me. So much so that she came from her city to marry me here and visit me and stay with me for a few days (my family are in another city). She calls me every day and gets in touch via e-mail. We agreed several times to get married, but I changed my mind every time out of fear for my children and the breakup of my family. But at the same time I feel very sorry for her, because she sacrificed her life and her daughters for the sake of our happiness together (even though I did not ask her to get divorced). I want to marry this woman, but at the same time I cannot forget that she was the wife of another man before me and she had sex with him. Now I have become religiously committed since Ramadaan, and I do not miss any opportunity to pray in the mosque, and I read Qur’aan and I give charity; my attitude has become excellent compared to what it was before. She has also become much better. But I am afraid before Allaah that I may have been the cause of her first family breaking up, and I want to live with her as a second wife. I am also afraid for my own children if my family breaks up, and I am afraid that I will not be able to forget her first marriage.  

I hope that you can advise me because the sense of guilt is killing me and it is affecting my worship. Please note that I can afford to get married.
Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
It is very strange to see 
    people who insist on following the path that leads to doom and destruction.                       
    
It is very strange to see 
    people who will sink to any depths for the sake of a fleeting moment of 
    physical pleasure or illusionary happiness. 
A person whom Allaah has 
    blessed with a family and children, then he or she is not content with that, 
    and rather tries to break up other people’s families and destroy their 
    happiness. 
That makes me wonder, what 
    type of happiness is that person seeking, and what sort of whims and desires 
    is he or she following? 
And here you are …you can 
    no longer see anything in your wife and the mother of your children, except 
    that she has gotten very fat and dos not look after herself! 
How strange it is that the 
    shaytaan can make attractive to people that which Allaah has forbidden, and 
    divert them by all means from that which Allaah has permitted to them.  
For whom should your wife 
    look after herself, when you have forsaken her bed for such a long time and 
    you did not stop there, rather you decided to go and live in one city when 
    your wife and children are living in another. 
Is this how families should 
    be? Is this how you take care of your family whom Allaah has entrusted to 
    your care? 
If it so happens that a man 
    is not satisfied with one wife, or she falls short in her duties towards 
    him, then Allaah has made it easier for us Muslims and has permitted us to 
    take four wives, one of whom may make up for the shortcomings of another, in 
    return for the husband looking after them and their children, and treating 
    them all fairly. 
Meeting one’s needs is not 
    done by looking at that with which Allaah has blessed other people, or in 
    which He has favoured them over us, whether that is in terms of a wife, 
    children or wealth. 
“And wish not for the 
    things in which Allaah has made some of you to excel others. For men there 
    is reward for what they have earned, (and likewise) for women there is 
    reward for what they have earned, and ask Allaah of His Bounty. Surely, 
    Allaah is Ever All‑Knower of everything”
[al-Nisa’ 4:32]
As Allaah has blessed us 
    with enough of that which is permissible, then what need do we have of 
    immoral ways for the purpose of gratification, unless all a man cares about 
    is pursuing his rrational desires? 
It was narrated from Abu 
    Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah  
    (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “He is not one of us who 
    turns a woman against her husband or a slave against his master.” Narrated 
    by Abu Dawood (2175); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi 
    Dawood. 
Abu Dawood (5170) also 
    narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah  (peace and 
    blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever corrupts a man’s wife or 
    slave is not one of us.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi 
    Dawood. 
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeem 
    Abaadi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
“turns a woman against her 
    husband” means by mentioning the husband’s bad qualities in to his wife, or 
    mentioning the good qualities of a stranger (non-mahram man) to her. 
‘Awn al-Ma’bood 
    (6/159). 
And he said: “The one who 
    corrupts a man’s wife” means he turns her (against her husband) or makes the 
    idea of divorce attractive to her so that he can marry her or arrange her 
    marriage to someone else, and so on. 
‘Awn al-Ma’bood 
    (14/52). 
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn 
    Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about an imam (leading 
    people in prayer) who turns a woman against her husband so that she will 
    leave him and he can be alone with her – can people pray behind him? What is 
    the ruling on him? 
He replied: 
In al-Musnad it is 
    narrated that the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) 
    said:  “He is not one of us who turns a woman against her husband or a slave 
    against his master”. So the man’s attempt to separate a woman from her 
    husband is one of the gravest of sins; this is what the practitioners of 
    witchcraft try to do all the time, which is one of the worst deeds of the 
    devils, especially if he turns her against her husband in order to marry 
    her, as well as persisting in being alone with her, and especially if 
    circumstantial evidence shows that. Such a man should not be appointed as 
    imam of a mosque unless he repents, and if he repents, Allaah will accept 
    his repentance. If it is possible to pray someone else who is of good 
    character then people should pray behind him and not pray behind the one who 
    commits immoral actions openly for no need. And Allaah knows best. 
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa 
    (23/363). 
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah 
    have mercy on him) said:  
The Messenger of Allaah 
     (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed the one who does 
    that, and disavowed him, and it is a major sin. If the Prophet  (peace 
    and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade a man to propose marriage to a 
    woman to whom his brother has already proposed, or to outbid him, then how 
    about one who tries to separate a man and his wife or slave woman in order 
    to get be with them. Lovers of physical outward beauty and the pimps who 
    help them do not see that as a sin, because the lover’s seeking to be with 
    the one whom he loves and to share her with her husband or master is a kind 
    of sin and transgression against the rights of others, and that is no less 
    serious than committing the immoral action itself, if not worse. But the 
    rights of others are not waived by repenting from immoral actions; although 
    the rights of Allaah are waived when one repents, the rights of other people 
    remain in effect and they will have the right to demand them on the Day of 
    Resurrection. If the husband has been wronged by the corruption of his 
    beloved (wife) and she has been led to betray him, that is a greater wrong 
    than taking all of his wealth. Hence this is more upsetting for him than if 
    his wealth was taken and there is no pain greater than that except shedding 
    his blood. What a grave sin that is greater than committing the immoral 
    action itself. If this transgression is done to someone who is out on 
    campaign (for the sake of Allaah), then the sinner will be made to stand on 
    the Day of Resurrection, and it will be said to him (the victom): Take from 
    his hasanaat whatever you wish, as the Prophet  (peace and blessings of 
    Allaah be upon him) told us, then he said: What do you think? i.e., what do 
    you think will be left of his hasanaat? If in addition to that the one who 
    was wronged was a neighbour, or a blood relative, then the wrongdoing is 
    compounded, and the wrongdoing includes severing ties of kinship and harming 
    a neighbour, and no one who severs ties of kinship will enter Paradise, and 
    neither will one from whose harm his neighbour was not safe. 
Al-Jawaab al-Kaafi 
    (p. 14). 
Turning a wife against her 
    husband does not only mean pushing her to demand a divorce; rather trying to 
    play with her emotions and causing her to fall in love with you is one of 
    the worst kinds of corruption and wrongdoing.  
Yes, you did something 
    serious when you got to know this woman and kept in touch with her until you 
    destroyed her family, and she also did something serious when she fell in 
    love with someone other than her husband, and asked him for a divorce, so 
    she destroyed her family herself, and asked for something that was not 
    permissible for her. 
It was narrated from 
    Thawbaan (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet  (peace and 
    blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a 
    divorce for no reason, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.” 
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi 
    (1187), Abu Dawood (2226) and Ibn Majaah (2055); classed as saheeh by 
    al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood. 
We hope that by means of 
    this stern rebuke Allaah will stir the conscience of everyone who reads this 
    answer and so that they will think about the evil consequences of 
    transgressing the set limits and taking lightly the matter of contacting the 
    opposite sex and speaking to them. We have quoted several times the view of 
    the scholars that this is haraam. 
See: 
    26890, 
    52768, 
    66266 
    and 59907. 
We also hope that this will 
    prompt both of you to repent sincerely to Allaah and ask Him for forgiveness 
    for what has happened, and finally to restore people’s rights.  
You should note that Allaah 
    accepts repentance from His slaves if it is sincere, and that the door of 
    His mercy is open and will not be shut until the sun rises from the west. In 
    many cases a person is better after sinning and repenting from it than he 
    was before. 
Allaah says (interpretation 
    of the meaning):  
“Say: “O ‘Ibaadi (My 
    slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds 
    and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all 
    sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful.
54. “And turn in 
    repentance and in obedience with true Faith (Islamic Monotheism) to your 
    Lord and submit to Him (in Islam) before the torment comes upon you, (and) 
    then you will not be helped”
[al-Zumar 39:53-54] 
“Truly, Allaah loves 
    those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves”
[al-Baqarah 2:222]
Secondly: 
The conditions of sincere 
    repentance include restoring people’s rights to them, for the accountability 
    is not waived until the rights are restored and the person who was wronged 
    takes what is rightfully his in this world, before the Hereafter. 
What this woman must do is 
    go back, and try to apologize to her former husband through some of the 
    people who are close to him. If the matter has to be referred to a qaadi 
    (judge) he would not allow any marriage contract with this woman, until she 
    repents and goes back to her husband.  
It says in al-Mawsoo’ah 
    al-Fiqhiyyah (5/251): 
The fuqaha’ stated clearly 
    that pressure should be put on him and he should be rebuked. The Maalikis 
    confirmed that the woman who was turned against her husband is permanently 
    haraam for the one who turned her against her husband, so as to give him the 
    opposite of what he was trying to achieve and to serve as a deterrent, lest 
    people take that as a means to corrupt wives. 
A marriage that begins with 
    disobedience towards Allaah will usually never be successful, and it will 
    become a punishment and a burden for the one who did that.  
If the husband forgives 
    her, then praise be to Allaah, but if he refuses and does not agree to take 
    his wife back, then there is nothing wrong with you two getting married in 
    that case, as long as you feel regret and ask Allaah for pardon and 
    forgiveness. 
The majority of scholars 
    say that the marriage of a man who turned a woman against her husband so 
    that he would divorce her and then marries her himself is valid, despite the 
    sin of turning a woman against her husband – which is the correct view, 
    although some Maaliki and Hanbali scholars disagreed and regarded such 
    marriages as invalid. 
In al-Iqnaa’ 
    (3/181), which is a Hanbali book, it says: 
He said concerning a man 
    who turns a wife against her husband: he should be punished severely, and 
    his marriage is invalid according to one of the two scholarly opinions in 
    the madhhabs of Maalik, Ahmad and others, and they must be separated. End 
    quote. 
It says in al-Mawsoo’ah 
    al-Fiqhiyyah (11/19, 20): 
The Maalikis are the only 
    ones who mentioned the ruling on this issue, which is when a man corrupts 
    the wife of another man in such a way that it leads to her being divorced 
    from him, then the one who corrupted her marries her. 
They stated that the 
    marriage should be nullified, whether consummation has taken place or not, 
    and there is no difference of opinion concerning that; the only thing 
    concerning which they differed is whether or not the woman is permanently 
    forbidden for marriage to the one who corrupted her. They mentioned two 
    opinions concerning that: 
1 – The well known view, 
    which is that the prohibition is not permanent. If she goes back to her 
    first husband and he divorces her or he dies, then it permissible for the 
    one who corrupted her to marry her. 
2 – That the prohibition is 
    permanent. This view was mentioned by Yoosuf ibn ‘Umar, as it says in 
    Sharh al-Zarqaani, and more than one of the later scholars in Fez issued 
    fatwas on this basis. 
However, fuqaha’ who are 
    non-Maaliki did not issue any clear ruling on this issue, but the ruling on 
    it, which is that it is forbidden, may be known from what has been stated 
    above. End quote. 
In Kutub A’immah 
    al-Da’wah al-Najdiyyah (7/89) it says: 
Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn 
    al-Shaykh Muhammad (may Allaah have mercy on them both) was asked about a 
    man who turned a woman against her husband and married her. 
He replied: 
The marriage of the second 
    man, who turned her against her husband, is invalid and he must leave her, 
    because he disobeyed Allaah by doing that. End quote. 
We hope that if you repent 
    properly and are sincere towards Allaah, then you will be able to marry this 
    woman, if she first tries to set right what was corrupted in her marriage 
    with her first husband. 
As for worrying about the 
    fact that she had another husband, and they did together what a man and wife 
    do, this is an idea that is worthless. What is off-putting for a man with 
    dignity is if a woman soiled herself by having haraam intimate relations. As 
    for that which Allaah has prescribed and permitted for His slaves, there is 
    no reason it should be regarded as off-putting! 
Allaah says (interpretation 
    of the meaning): 
“It may be if he 
    divorced you (all) that his Lord will give him instead of you, wives better 
    than you ___Muslims (who submit to Allaah), believers, obedient (to Allaah), turning to 
    Allaah in repentance, worshipping Allaah sincerely, given to fasting or 
    emigrants (for Allaah’s sake), previously married and virgins”
[al-Tahreem 66:5]
Allaah says that there is 
    blessing in marriage to a previously married woman as much as in marriage to 
    a virgin. 
With regard to what you 
    fear of your children suffering, it is something that may happen when you 
    marry another wife after your first marriage. What we hope is that if you 
    marry this woman or any other, that you will not build a new home on the 
    ruins of your first family, including your first wife and children. Rather 
    the one who wants to indulge in this experience must have wisdom and 
    smartness to organize his household affairs and deal with those under his 
    care; he must treat his wives fairly and give everyone their rights, so that 
    no one could hold him accountable for any wrongdoing before his Lord. 
An Arab man who had several 
    wives was asked how he was able to keep them together. He said: When we were 
    youthful, that helped by making them patient with me, then I accumulated 
    wealth that made them continue to be patient, then what is left is kindness 
    and good treatment. That is what is left and is keeping us together. 
‘Uyoon al-Akhbaar 
    (1/396) 
We ask Allaah to forgive 
    and guide us and you two. 
And Allaah knows best.