Is he obliged to attend the waleemah when there is someone there who will offend him with his words and actions?
Question

                It is permissible for a Muslim to refuse an invitation to the waleemah (feast) of one of his relatives – who he usually sees all the time – because there will be some other people there who offend him with their words and actions? Is it permissible for a sister to reduce her contact with her older brothers because of what she sees of their negligence towards her and their lack of interest in her company? Please note that she never offends them with her words or actions, and they do not get in touch with her or know anything about how she is except through her husband or their wives. Does she have to uphold ties with them when they treat her like this?.
Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
If the 
    waleemah is for a wedding, then it is obligatory to attend it, for the one 
    who is invited personally, according to the majority of fuqaha’. 
But if the 
    invitation is general, and he is not invited by name, then he does not have 
    to attend. 
Ibn Qudaamah 
    (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr said: There is no 
    difference of opinion among the scholars concerning the fact that it is 
    obligatory to attend a waleemah for the one who is invited to it, so long as 
    there is no idle entertainment in it. This is the view of Maalik, 
    al-Shaafa’i and Abu Haneefah. 
It was 
    narrated from Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger 
    of Allaah  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If one of 
    you is invited to a waleemah, let him attend.” According to another version: 
    The Messenger of Allaah  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) 
    said: “Accept this invitation when you are invited.” Abu Hurayrah said: “The 
    worst of food is the food of a waleemah to which the rich are invited and 
    the poor are ignored. Whoever does not attend has disobeyed Allaah and His 
    Messenger.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari. 
What is 
    meant – and Allaah knows best – by the words “the worst of food is the food 
    of a waleemah” is the food of a feast to which the rich are invited and the 
    poor are ignored. It dos not mean that the food of any waleemah is the worst 
    of food. 
But it is 
    only obligatory to attend for one who is invited specifically, when a man or 
    a group is invited by name. But if someone issues an invitation and says, “O 
    people, come to the waleemah,” it is not obligatory to respond, and it is 
    not mustahabb to do so. Rather it is permissible to accept because one is 
    included in the general invitation. End quote from al-Mughni 
    (7/213). 
Secondly: 
If there are 
    people at the waleemah who will cause offence, it is not obligatory to 
    attend. This is an excuse not to attend. 
This was 
    stated by some of the fuqaha’. In that case he has to apologize to the one 
    who gave the invitation, or attend for a short while and leave quickly. 
It says in
    Tuhfat al-Muhtaaj (7/430), where the conditions of it being 
    obligatory to accept an invitation are mentioned: There should not be in the 
    place where he is to attend anyone who will offend the invited one by means 
    of outward hostility or destructive envy (hasad), or anyone with whom it is 
    not appropriate to sit, such as vile and despicable people. End quote. 
Thirdly: 
If the 
    waleemah is not for a wedding, it is not obligatory to attend, even if one 
    is especially invited to it. 
Ibn Qudaamah 
    (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Mughni (7/218): The ruling 
    on accepting invitations to circumcision waleemahs and all other invitations 
    except to weddings, is that it is mustahabb, because it involves offering 
    food to people. But accepting the invitation is mustahabb, not waajib 
    (obligatory). This is the view of Maalik, al-Shaafa’i, and Abu Haneefah and 
    his companions. End quote. 
Based on 
    this, there is no sin on you if you do not attend these waleemahs, if they 
    are not for weddings. 
Fourthly: 
For a woman 
    to uphold ties of kinship with her brothers and sisters is something that is 
    confirmed in sharee’ah, because of the commands to uphold the ties of 
    kinship that are mentioned in the Qur’aan and Sunnah, and the prohibition on 
    severing those ties. This upholding of family ties may be achieved through 
    visits, phone calls and asking after family members, depending on what one 
    is able to do. 
You should 
    not fall short in this great act of worship, and not let your brothers’ 
    coldness and lack of kindness push you to do that. You will be rewarded for 
    upholding ties with them, even if they fall short towards you, because the 
    Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The one who 
    upholds the ties of kinship is not the one who reciprocates, rather the one 
    who upholds the ties of kinship is the one who upholds those ties even if 
    his relatives cut him off.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5645). 
The one who 
    reciprocates his relatives, and returns favours and treats them well if they 
    treat him well, is not the one who is upholding ties of kinship as required 
    by sharee’ah. Rather the upholding of kinship ties that is required in 
    sharee’ah is that which involves treating relatives well even when they 
    treat you badly.  
But if 
    meeting often will cause annoyance, there is no sin in reducing the 
    frequency, whilst remaining in touch at infrequent intervals or by phone, 
    etc. 
But it is 
    better to hasten to remove the misunderstanding between you and your 
    brothers, and try hard to improve your relationship with them. That is 
    better for all of you in this world and in the Hereafter. 
And Allaah 
    knows best.