Advice to a father whose son has stopped memorizing Qur’aan because of the intention, and advice to his son
Question

                I have a son who loves goodness a great deal and calls others to it, and who memorizes Qur'aan and has prayed regularly since he was small. But recently he has started to neglect memorization of Qur’aan and he does not want to go to halaqahs for memorizing Qur’aan. He says that he is only memorizing it for my sake, and he only leads the people in prayer for my sake, and he heard one of the Shaykhs mention a hadeeth which says that the one who memorizes Qur’aan or prays for the sake of his father or mother will be thrown in Hell, and a hadeeth which says that the one who memorizes Qur'aan so that it will be said that he is a reciter will be thrown in Hell. He says that since hearing this khutbah, he is always thinking about these words and about the punishment. But I told him that this was from the shaytaan and that the correct intention is to memorize the Qur'aan so that he could worship Allaah thereby, but he turned to me with tears flowing from his eyes and could barely speak. I do not know what to do with him. Please note that since that time I have not spoken to him or joked with him like his brothers, in an attempt to bring him to his senses, but he is insisting on not going to the halaqah for memorizing Qur’aan. He is in the third year of middle school.
Praise be to Allah.
    Firstly: 

    We ask Allaah to guide your children and to reward you with 
    the best of rewards for your concern and care and for advising them and 
    teaching and guiding those for whom Allaah has made you responsible. 

    It should be noted that raising children is difficult and 
    that it requires knowledge and wisdom, patience and forbearance. Children – 
    both male and female – go through different stages as they grow, and each 
    stage has its own problems. You have to understand this and pay attention to 
    it before starting to solve your son’s problem and his stopping memorizing 
    Qur’aan. 

    Secondly: 

    Parents should not give up their responsibility of guiding 
    their children just because of some incident that happens with one of them. 
    They should not stop guiding them and caring for them. The man is a shepherd 
    of his family and he will be responsible for them on the Day of 
    Resurrection. His flock – his wife and children – are a trust which Allaah 
    warns against neglecting and failing to take care of properly. 

    Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):  

    “O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families 
    against a Fire”

    [al-Tahreem 66:6]

    “Truly, We did offer Al‑Amaanah (the trust or moral 
    responsibility or honesty and all the duties which Allaah has ordained) to 
    the heavens and the earth, and the mountains, but they declined to bear it 
    and were afraid of it (i.e. afraid of Allaah’s Torment). But man bore it. 
    Verily, he was unjust (to himself) and ignorant (of its results)”

    [al-Ahzaab 33:72]
It was narrated that 
    ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah  (peace and 
    blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of 
    you is responsible for his flock. The ruler of the people is a shepherd and 
    is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his household and is 
    responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house 
    and children and is responsible for her flock. The slave is the shepherd of 
    his master’s wealth and is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and 
    each of you is responsible for his flock.” 

    Narrated by al-Bukhaari (853) and Muslim (1829). 

    Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:  

    The one who neglects to teach his son that which will benefit 
    him and leaves him to his own devices has wronged him severely. Most 
    children only become corrupt because of their parents and their neglect of 
    them, and their failure to teach them the obligatory duties and sunnahs of 
    Islam. They neglect them when they are young then they are not able to 
    benefit themselves or their parents when they grow up. 

    Tuhfat al-Mawdood (p. 229). 

    Thirdly: 

    What your son has done by ceasing to memorize Qur’aan and 
    lead the prayer may be understood in two ways:  

    1 – That he is sincere in what he is saying, which is what 
    seems to us to be the case. In that case you must advise him and guide him 
    in the way that is best, and make him understand that there is no 
    contradiction between what you are telling him to do and having a sincere 
    intention. He can correct his intention if it was not right, and correcting 
    it is better for him in this world and in the Hereafter than giving up the 
    action altogether. You should also make him understand that the methods that 
    the shaytaan uses to stop the Muslim doing acts of worship and continuing in 
    them include whispering to him that his intention is not sound, and that he 
    is not doing it for the sake of Allaah, so that this Muslim will give up his 
    act of worship if he has started it, or he will refrain from starting it and 
    doing it if he had not started it, and thus the shaytaan will have attained 
    what he wanted. 

    You can ask your son this: What will he do with his children 
    when Allaah blesses him with children and he is responsible for them on the 
    Day of Resurrection? Undoubtedly – in sha Allaah – he will answer by saying 
    that he will tell them to do that which is to their benefit, and encourage 
    them to obey and worship Allaah, which includes memorizing Qur'aan and 
    prayer. If he is honest with you and gives you this answer, then he will 
    have committed himself, and given evidence against himself, and this is what 
    you yourself have done with him. 

    We advise you not to criticize him too much, and to discuss 
    with him. You can go to a scholar or seeker of knowledge whom he trusts to 
    discuss the matter with him, and hear something from someone other than you 
    who has knowledge that will put his mind at rest. You do not have to be the 
    one who advises him, changes his mind and convinces him, rather you should 
    delegate that to someone else, so that he will do that on the basis of being 
    pleased with what he has heard. 

    We also advise you to stop your shunning of him straight 
    away, and stop refusing to treat him kindly. Right now he is in the greatest 
    need of you and your compassion. He is suffering 
    from something that the imams and scholars also suffered from, which is the 
    issue of intention (niyyah). Imam Sufyaan al-Thawri (may Allaah have mercy 
    on him) said: I have never dealt with anything more difficult than my 
    intention. So beware of forsaking him, and beware of being too harsh with 
    him, lest you lose him forever. We ask Allaah not to let that happen. 

    2 – The second possibility is that he is lying, in which case 
    you have to find out whether your son has been affected by the sickness of 
    loss of interest and ambition. There are many causes for these sicknesses, 
    including the following:  

    (i)Influence of bad friends

    (ii)Too many duties in school and 
    at home, so that he feels overwhelmed and gives up on some of them.

    (iii)Finding the Qur’aan 
    memorization program too heavy, which has led to him becoming tired and 
    bored.

    (iv)Not having the chance to relax 
    in permissible ways, such as going on trips, playing games, and watching 
    beneficial shows. Some fathers are too keen for their children not to pay 
    any attention to these things that allow for relaxation and bring more 
    energy for worship and obedience.

    (v)Reaching the stage of puberty 
    and adolescence, which is a dangerous stage in a young man’s life. Parents 
    must pay attention to their sons when they reach this age, and treat their 
    sons as men, not children, and lightening up on the things they tell them to 
    do. The stage of persuasion and understanding should begin, which is totally 
    different from when they were small.

    What we have mentioned are some of the possible causes. You 
    know what is really going on, whether he is telling the truth or lying. 
    Hence we said that raising children is difficult, and needs knowledge and 
    wisdom, patience and forbearance. It is not a simple matter, especially with 
    all the corrupt influences, distractions and the war against virtue, 
    chastity and righteousness that is being waged inside and outside.  

    Look for the reason why he has stopped memorizing Qur'aan and 
    given up his commitment. If he is telling the truth, then we have mentioned 
    above is the way to deal with it. If he is lying, then check on the 
    possibilities that we have mentioned, and seek the help of Allaah, asking 
    Him to guide you and help you. And do not forget to pray for your son, for 
    he is more in need of that than you. 

    This is the experience of a famous Qur’aan reader – Shaykh 
    Muhammad Siddeeq al-Manshaawi (d. 1388 AH). Read what his son Muhammad 
    al-Shaafa’i wrote about him and the way he took care of his children and 
    taught them to memorize Qur’aan. 

    Professor Muhammad Husayn Ibraaheem al-Rantaawi said: 

    Al-Shaafa’i Muhammad Siddeeq – the name of the shaykh’s son – 
    spoke of the methods of guiding and directing the children that his father 
    followed and said: My father was very keen that we should do the obligatory 
    duties, and he would often take us with him to the mosques where he read 
    Qur’aan. That was an opportunity for me to visit and get to know most of the 
    mosques of Egypt. He would also keep an eye on us when we chose our friends, 
    and he would insist that they come from religiously-committed families of 
    good character, and join his children in studying, and he would help them to 
    do their homework and attend parents’ meetings in the schools that his 
    children went to. During the summer holidays, he had us take part in sports 
    such as swimming and archery during the day, and at night he would read to 
    us the religious books that were suited to our age. Then when one of us had 
    acquired the habit of reading, he would supply him with books and encourage 
    him to read more. Before all of that came memorization of Qur’aan, so that 
    even the one who had been left out because he was too small was encouraged 
    by his father Shaykh Siddeeq to memorize Qur’aan, and he did that. End 
    quote.  

    Article entitled Muqri’ al-Sahwah al-Islamiyyah 
    al-Mu’aasirah al-Qaari’ al-Shaykh Muhammad Siddeeq al-Manshaawi 
    (1920-1969 CE).

    Al-Firqaan magazine, published 
    by Jama’iyyah al-Muhaafizah ‘ala al-‘Qur’aan, Jordan, issue no. 41, Jumaada 
    al-Oola 1426 AH, 2005 CE. 

    Fourthly: 

    To this son of yours, whom we ask Allaah to help and guide to 
    that which He loves and which pleases Him, we say: 

    You should understand first of all that this devilish trick 
    to block people from following the way of Allaah has been known since 
    ancient times. The accursed one wants to prevent people from doing good 
    whenever he finds a way to do that, and he comes to each person in the way 
    that is appropriate. 

    Hence al-Fudayl ibn ‘Iyaad (may Allaah be pleased with him) 
    said: 

    Refraining from doing an action because of the people is 
    showing off, and doing it because of the people is shirk. Sincerity is when 
    Allaah protects you against both. 

    Al-Adhkaar by al-Nawawi (18). 

    It was narrated that al-Haarith ibn Qays al-Ja’fi said: If 
    you are doing something that has to do with the Hereafter then continue and 
    if you are doing something that has to do with this world then be careful. 
    If you intend to something good then do not delay it, and if the shaytaan 
    comes to you when you are praying and says ‘You are showing off,’ then make 
    it longer. Narrated by Imam Ahmad in al-Zuhd (430), with a saheeh 
    isnaad. 

    Undoubtedly you know the status of Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih 
    al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him), and we think that you know 
    that he is one of the trustworthy scholars. We believe that you respect and 
    admire him, and we would never misquote the Shaykh. We will let you read 
    what he said about a problem similar to yours and we hope that you will pay 
    attention to his answer and act upon it, because that will bring you 
    happiness and goodness in this world and in the Hereafter. 

    Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have 
    mercy on him) was asked: 

    What is your advice to a seeker of knowledge who has worked 
    hard to correct his intention and to be sincere, but he could not manage to 
    do that? He is afraid that the ahaadeeth which carry a stern warning 
    addressed to the one whose intention is not sincerely for the sake of Allaah 
    alone will apply to him, and he will soon stop seeking knowledge. Please 
    advise us, may you be rewarded. 

    He replied: 

    This is an importance question for the seeker of knowledge, 
    for knowledge is one of the best and greatest acts of worship, which Allaah 
    has made equivalent to jihad for His sake, as He says, may He be blessed and 
    exalted (interpretation of the meaning): 

    “And it is not (proper) for the believers to go out to 
    fight (Jihad) all together. Of every troop of them, a party only should go 
    forth, that they (who are left behind) may get instructions in (Islamic) 
    religion, and that they may warn their people when they return to them, so 
    that they may beware (of evil)”

    [al-Tawbah 9:122]

    Allaah tells us that the believers cannot all go out to fight 
    in jihad for the sake of Allaah; rather a few from every group should learn 
    the principles of the religion of Allaah, so that they may warn their people 
    when they return in order that they may beware (of evil), and the others 
    should fight for the sake of Allaah.  

    And the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon 
    him) said: “When Allaah wills good for a person, He causes him to understand 
    the religion.” If a person thinks that Allaah has caused him to understand 
    his religion, then he should accept the glad tidings that Allaah has willed 
    good for him, and he must be sincere in his intention towards Allaah when 
    seeking knowledge, by having the following intentions in his pursuit 
    thereof: 

    Firstly: Obeying the command of Allaah, may He be blessed and 
    exalted, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “So know (O 
    Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم) that Laa 
    ilaaha illAllaah (none has the right to be worshipped but Allaah” [Muhammad 
    47:19]. Al-Bukhaari (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: He started with 
    knowledge, before words or deeds. 

    Secondly:  He should intend by his learning to preserve the 
    laws of Allaah, for sharee’ah is preserved in people’s hearts and in books. 

    Thirdly: he should intend by his learning to protect the 
    sharee’ah of Allaah against its enemies, because its enemies have been 
    trying to undermine it since the Messenger  (peace and blessings of 
    Allaah be upon him) was sent and they will carry on trying to do so until 
    the Hour begins. So by seeking knowledge let him intend to protect the great 
    sharee’ah. 

    Fourthly: He should intend thereby to defend sharee’ah if 
    anyone attacks it, and in that case he must learn the weapons with which he 
    will defend his knowledge. Rather we say that he should focus on the issues 
    concerning which the enemies of Allaah try to cause confusion, and tackle 
    each issue in the manner that befits it. People vary with regard to this 
    matter. Some people may try to cause confusion about ‘aqeedah, so one needs 
    to learn ‘aqeedah by means of which he can ward off false beliefs. Some 
    people may attack Islam by means of bad manners, so he has to learn good 
    manners and learn the consequences of bad manners, and so on.  

    Fifthly: The seeker of knowledge must also intend by his 
    pursuit of knowledge to worship Allaah in the manner that Allaah approves 
    of, because without learning a man cannot know how to worship Allaah whether 
    that is in his wudoo’, his prayer, his charity, his fasting or his hajj. He 
    should also call others to Allaah with his knowledge, explaining sharee’ah 
    to people and calling them to adhere to it. 

    In fact knowledge is one of the best acts of worship and one 
    of the greatest and most beneficial. Hence you will find the that Shaytaan 
    is keep to keep people from acquiring knowledge; he will come to a person 
    and tell him that he is seeking knowledge to show off, so that the people 
    will see him and think that he is a scholar, so he will lose interest and 
    will say: I should keep away from showing off? Or he will come to him and 
    tell him: Have the intention when seeking shar’i knowledge of making some 
    worldly gain, so that the warning “The one who seeks knowledge that should 
    be sought  for the sake of Allaah, but he does it only for some worldly 
    gain, will not smell the fragrance of Paradise” will apply to you. And he 
    comes to him with many things that will prevent him from seeking knowledge. 
    But one must seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed shaytaan, and go 
    ahead with his plans, and not pay any attention to these whispers that enter 
    his heart. Every time he feels that something is distracting him from 
    seeking knowledge – by whatever means – he should say, “A’oodhu Billaahi 
    min al-shaytaan il-rajeem (I seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed 
    satan)” and “ Allaahumma a’inni (O Allaah, help me) and so on. 

    And I say to this student:

    Go ahead and seek knowledge, and do not let the shaytaan 
    keep you from remembering Allaah or seeking knowledge. Carry on even though 
    you will encounter difficulty and hardship in making your intention correct, 
    but correcting one’s intention is something easy. Go ahead, O young man, and 
    seek the help of Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, and seek refuge 
    with Allaah from the accursed shaytaan.  

    Fataawa Noor ‘Ala al-Darb (al’Ilm), 
    quoting from the website of Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on 
    him). 

    We think that there is a great deal of good in you, in sha 
    Allaah, and that the words of the imams of knowledge and faith, and the 
    advice of Shaykh al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) will all have 
    an effect on your heart, mind and life. 

    You should remember that your father does not want anything 
    but good for you, and that every act of worship and obedience that you do is 
    for you and your father.  

    And remember that attaining victory by the blessing of the 
    Qur'aan in the Hereafter will be shared between you and your parents, and 
    the loss caused by neglecting it will also be shared between you and them. 

    It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be 
    pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah  (peace and blessings of 
    Allaah be upon him) said: “It will be said to the companion of the Qur'aan: 
    Recite and rise in status, and recite as you used to recite in the world, 
    and your status will be at the last verse you recite.” 

    Narrated by Abu Dawood (1464) and classed as saheeh by 
    al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood. 

    It was narrated that Buraydah (may Allaah be pleased with 
    him) said: The Messenger of Allaah  (peace and blessings of Allaah be 
    upon him) said: “Whoever reads the Qur’aan and learns it and acts upon it 
    will be given a crown of light to wear on the Day of Resurrection, the light 
    of which is like the light of the sun, and his parents will be clothed with 
    two suits the equivalent of which is not to be found in this world, and they 
    will say: Why have we been clothed with this? And it will be said: Because 
    your son learned the Qur’aan.” 

    Narrated by al-Haakim (1/756); he said it is saheeh according 
    to the conditions of Muslim. Al-Albaani said It is hasan because of 
    corroborating evidence, as it says in Saheeh al-Targheeb. 

    Goodness and happiness lie in obeying Allaah in this world, 
    and obeying your parents is obligatory for you. The acts of worship that you 
    do are not for any human being, rather they are for Allaah your Lord. We ask 
    Allaah to guide you and help you to do that which He loves and which pleases 
    Him.

    And Allaah is the Source of strength.