His son got to know a girl through chat rooms, and he wants to marry her
Question

                My adult son who is twenty-one years old got to know a girl in another city through chat rooms. They kept in touch through the chat rooms, then he spoke to her on the phone and he liked her and she liked him. The relationship between them developed over a number of months until they agreed to marry, knowing that – according to what he tells me – they have not met. Then he asked me to arrange his marriage to this girl, but at first he did not make it clear to me that he had gotten to know her through chat rooms. At first he went to his paternal aunt who has a job and spoke to her confidentially, and he asked her to say that she knew this girl through one of her female colleagues at school and to get in touch with the girls’ mother and tell her that his family was keen to get to know them with a view to arranging a marriage with one of their womenfolk. His aunt indeed did that, but I absolutely refused to agree to his request to marry her for a number of reasons: 

1 – The way in which he got to know this girl was not Islamically acceptable.

2 – He does not know a lot about how she really is. All that he knows about her is through telephone calls only.

3 – He lied to me at first, and went to his aunt about a sensitive subject which should have been kept secret even from the closest of people until arrangements were complete, then it could be announced to others.

4 – We – praise be to Allaah – are a conservative family, and this way of getting in touch with a girl is not in accordance with our principles and values, let alone our traditions and customs. 

To sum up, I am very confused about this matter, because now it is affecting his university studies and he has become withdrawn. 

Please note that he was previously a high-achieving student. Every time we try to tell him to forget about this matter and to focus on his studies, he insists that if we agree to let him marry this girl it will make him happy again, and that we will accept this girl and like her.

What is your opinion on this confusing problem?.
Praise be to Allah.
    This problem – and many others – confirm the truth of what 
    many daa’iyahs and reformers are saying about the necessity of being careful 
    about how our sons and daughters are using the internet, and to beware of 
    entering conversations between men and women in chat rooms, because of the 
    very real fitnah (temptation] to which that may lead, with subsequent 
    contact and meetings. 

    Undoubtedly your son made a mistake by forming this 
    relationship with a non-mahram woman who is not permissible for him. He made 
    a mistake by lying to you and by discussing this matter with his aunt. But 
    we do not agree with the idea of refusing his marriage to this girl, 
    especially if you think that your son is deeply attached to her. That is for 
    the following reasons: 

    1 – Not every girl who acts in this manner can be judged to 
    be deviant, badly brought up or of bad manners and attitude. This may have 
    been a mistake on her part, as in the case of your son. 

    2 – What is happening to your son now, with his wanting to be 
    alone and his falling behind in his studies may be because of intense love 
    for this girl on his part. In such cases it may be that the only efficient 
    remedy is for him to marry the one whom he loves. According to a hadeeth 
    narrated by Ibn Maajah (1847), “There is nothing better for two who love one 
    another than marriage.” (This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
    Saheeh Sunan Ibn Maajah). 
3 – The fact that your 
    son does not know much about the attitude and character of this girl may be 
    dealt with by asking about her and finding out more about her background. 

    Hence we think that you should hasten to find out about this 
    girl and her family. If her character is not good, then this will convince 
    your son to stop thinking about her. 

    But if, after thoroughly investigating the matter, you like 
    what you find out about her and her family, then there is no reason why your 
    son should not marry her, rather this will be the best remedy for him and 
    for her. 

    This suggestion applies if you feel that he is strongly 
    attached to her and is keen to marry her, as referred to above. But if it is 
    simply the matter of an idea that has occurred to him, and it is not the 
    matter of love or deep attachment, and you hope that he will forget about 
    her, then be firm in your refusal and help him to look for a woman who has 
    good manners and is religiously committed and chaste. There are so many 
    righteous and chaste women who have never had anything to do with men and 
    have never faced temptation. 

    Turn to Allaah and ask Him to guide you, and seek His help by 
    praying Istikhaarah concerning all the matters in which you want to take a 
    decision. 
And Allaah knows best.