A Muslim treatment of mother who is an unbeliever
Question

                My wife's mother has in effect cut herself off from her daughter in recent times. Whilst there 
was some form of communication it was often quite turbulent and heated. My wife has tried a 
number of times to re-establish contact yet her mother refuses, quite stubbornly, to reply. We 
are both reverts and have often felt that our acceptance of the religion has played some part in 
her mother's negative attitude. I would be grateful if you could advise us on what me might 
possibly do to rectify this situation.
Jazak Allahu Khairan
Praise be to Allah.,
The reactions of non-muslim mothers towards their children's embracement of Islam varies. Some mothers 
are peaceful and passive considering this as a personal matter which does not affect the relationship 
between the mother and her son or daughter. In such cases more piety by the child towards his or her 
mother will make the mother admire and respect Islam.
Other mothers adopts a more stubborn approach at the beginning but the mother finally gives in and 
accepts the new religion as a fact of life after she sees the child's determination and persistence which could 
lead the mother herself to embrace Islam.
In the third case we find that some mothers are constantly stubborn to the extent that she might hurt and 
oppress her son or daughter. Usually such mothers are blindly prejudice because they consider that her son 
or daughter had gone astray by leaving the faith of his fathers and ancestors and she must do something to 
help go back to the right path (according to the mother).
The following are three stories that took place at the time of the Prophet, Peace and Blessings be Upon 
Him, that involved three of the Sahaba (Companions of the Prophet, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him) 
which illustrates the reactions of their mothers after they embraced Islam:
Story #1
On the authority of Asmaa' Bint Abi Bakr she said "My mother came to visit me one day. At 
that time she was still a polytheist and there was a pledge between the Prophet, Peace and 
Blessings be Upon Him, and Quraish (one of the great tribes in Arabia that lived in Mecca in 
the pre Islamic Period of Ignorance who used to enjoy great spiritual and financial powers). I 
requested the Prophet's, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, religious verdict and said: Oh 
Prophet of Allah, my mother came to visit me, seeking my help; should I keep a good 
relationship with her? Yes, keep a good relation with her said the Prophet, Peace and 
Blessings be Upon Him:. Reported by Bukhari and Muslim, and this narration is listed in Sahih 
Muslim under # 1003.
In another version narrated by Ahmad, on the authority of Asmaa' Bint Abi Bakr she said " My 
mother came to visit me when she was still a polytheist and she was living amongst Quraish. 
She was desirous, meaning in need, so I asked the Prophet, Peace and Blessings be Upon 
Him, and said: Oh Prophet of Allah my mother came to me and she is a polytheist and she 
needs help. Should I keep a good relationship with her? He said yes maintain a good 
relationship with her.
Story #2
On the authority of Abu-Huraira, who said: I used to call my mother to Islam when she was 
still a polytheist. One day, while I was calling her she mentioned something about the Prophet
, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, that I detested. So I went to see the Prophet, Peace 
and Blessings be Upon Him, while crying and told him: I used to call my mother to Islam and 
she would refuse. I called her today and she mentioned something about you that I detested. 
Please invoke the blessings and guidance of Allah on her. Then the Prophet, Peace and 
Blessings be Upon Him, said: O Great Allah guide the mother of Abu-Huraira. So I left full of 
hope because of the Prophet's supplication for my mother. When I reached home I found that 
the door was partially closed. My mother heard my footsteps and said: Stay still Abu-Huraira, 
then I heard the water running; he added my mother performed body ablution, put on her 
cloths and hurriedly opened the door without her head-cover and said: "None has the right to 
be worshipped but Allah and Muhammad, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, is the 
Messenger of Allah". I went back to the Prophet, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, crying 
of joy and told him: I am bringing you good news; Allah answered your prayers and guided the 
mother of Abu-Huraira. The Prophet, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, praised and 
glorified Allah and said: this is good. I said: Oh Messenger of Allah, pray to Allah to make me 
and my mother beloved by Allah's believing slaves and make us love them. The Prophet, 
Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, said: Oh Allah, make this little slave of Yours and his 
mother (meaning Abu-Huraira and his mother) become beloved by your believing slaves and 
make the believers love them. Ever since, there was not a believer who heard of me, even 
without seeing me, that did not love me. Reported by Muslim in Sahih Muslim (Muslim 
Authentic volumes) under # 2491.
Story # 3
On the authority of Saa'd (Ibn Abi Waqas May Allah be pleased with him) who said that 
verses of the Qur'an revealed his story. He said Um Saa'd (his mother) swore not to talk to 
him ever nor eat or drink until he renounces Islam. She said: You claim that Allah commanded 
you to obey your parents. I am your mother and I order you to do this ( to renounce Islam). 
He said: She stayed with nothing to eat or drink for three days until she fainted because of 
strain. Then one of her other sons named Umarah gave her water to drink. And she started to 
imprecate against Saa'd, then Allah revealed this verse in the Qur'an, which translates to the 
meaning of And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents; but if they 
strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no 
knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return and I shall tell you what you used to 
do Verse 29:8 - Surah 29, Al Ankabut. This Hadith is narrated by Imam Ahmad in his 
Musnad and in Sahih Muslim in his Sahih under # 1748.
Also, Allah revealed another verse in the Qur'an, which translates to:
"But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that if which you have no 
knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him 
who turns to me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you 
what you used to do"( 31:15 - Surah Luqman).
Based on the above stories one can determine how to deal with a non believing mother and can draw the 
following significant conclusions:
The importance of good presentation of Islam to the non believing mother and to try to kindly 
persuade her and to strive to convince her as Abu Huraira did (story # 1)

Continue to do good to the non believing mother and to remember that her disbelief does not justify 
disobedience by the son or daughter and that doing her good does not contradict with your innocence 
of her as a non believer, on the contrary as it is stated in Verse 31:15 above, Allah has commanded us 
to treat the non believing parents kindly even if they strive to make their child a polytheist because of 
their rights as parents hoping that they will embrace Islam.

Continue to sincerely pray and supplicate for the non believing mother hoping that Allah may guide 
her, as evident in Abu Huraira's story (story #2).

The divine guidance of Allah may come after continuous strive by the child and strong objection of 
the mother as in Abu Huraira's story, therefore the son should never surrender or give up but should 
continue to pray and supplicate for the non believing mother.

Regardless of how hard does the non believing mother strive to make the son renounces Islam, and 
the pressure she will exercise against her son such as refusing to eat or invoking upon him , the son 
should never surrender or give in nor should he retrocede away from the righteous path as one of the 
Sahaba said to his non believing mother in a similar situation: :If you had one hundred (100) souls and 
it all left your body one after the other I will never give up my religion (Islam)".

It seems that the mother in question deliberately oppresses her daughter through estrangement which makes 
her emotional torn but that should never weaken the muslim or shake his faith and belief in his religion. 
There is no objection to make the non believing mother understand that you are not going to retrocede , 
however she (the mother) can kindly ask for anything and she will be immediately answered to it except for 
giving up this religion.
We ask Allah to quickly guide her to the righteous path and give you patience to call her to Islam and lead 
you to the righteous and correct way.