Wailing and visiting graves
Question

                Is it haraam for women to visit graves if the deceased was the dearest of people to them? With regard to the Prophet’s words “May Allah curse the woman who wails and the one who listens to her”, what does listening mean in this hadeeth? Does it refer to the curious woman who eavesdrops on people’s words, or the woman who listens to music or the television or radio? Please explain this, may Allah reward you with good.
Praise be to Allah.
      Visiting graves is not permissible for women. The Prophet 
      (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Visit the graves, for 
      they remind you of death and the Hereafter,” addressing men. And he used 
      to teach his Companions to say, when they visited graves, “Al-salaamu 
      ‘alaykum ahl al-diyaar min al-mu’mineen wa’l-Muslimeen, wa inna in sha 
      Allaah lalaahiqoon. As’al Allaah lana wa lakum al-‘aafiyah (Peace be 
      upon you, O inhabitants of the graves, believers and Muslims. Verily we 
      will, in sha Allaah, join you. I ask Allaah for well-being for us and for 
      you).”  But in the case of women, he forbade them to do that. 

    The curse on women who visit graves is mentioned in several 
    ahaadeeth, so it is not permissible for women to visit graves, but it is 
    prescribed for them to pray for forgiveness and mercy for their deceased 
    loved ones, and to pray that they be admitted to Paradise and saved from 
    Hell, without visiting the graves; they can pray for them at home. There is 
    also nothing to prevent them offering the funeral prayer for the deceased in 
    the mosque or prayer-place, as the women offered the funeral prayer at the 
    time of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and at the 
    time of his Companions. 

    With regard to wailing and listening, the Prophet (blessings 
    and peace of Allah be upon him) forbade wailing and said: “There are four 
    matters of jaahiliyyah that exist among my ummah and they will not give them 
    up: boasting about one’s forefathers, casting aspersions upon people’s 
    lineages, seeking rain by the stars and wailing for the dead.” And he said: 
    “If the woman who wails does not repent before she dies, she will be raised 
    on the Day of Resurrection wearing pants of tar and a chemise of scabs.” 
    Narrated by Muslim in his Saheeh. 

    So the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) 
    explained that wailing for the dead is a blameworthy act of jaahiliyyah and 
    it must not be done. Umm ‘Atiyyah said: The Messenger (blessings and peace 
    of Allah be upon him) took a pledge from us when we swore allegiance, that 
    we would not wail. And Abu Dawood (may Allah have mercy on him) narrated in 
    his Sunan from Abu Sa‘eed (may Allah be pleased with him) from the 
    Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) that he cursed the woman 
    who wails and the one who listen to her. There is some weakness in its 
    isnaad, but there is corroborating evidence for its meaning, so wailing is 
    haraam and reprehensible, and it is not permissible for a woman to be 
    involved in wailing, or for a man to do that either. 

    Wailing refers to raising the voice when weeping and saying, 
    “O my support, O one who clothed me, O how sad I am” and so on. The one who 
    listens is the woman who listens to the ones who are wailing and encourages 
    them, so she sits with them and encourages them to wail. This is included 
    because sitting with them is a kind of encouragement. So it is not 
    permissible to listen to them. If the one who is wailing will not be quiet, 
    it is obligatory to leave her and not sit with her, by way of shunning her 
    and denouncing her. If a woman sits with her and listens to her, this is a 
    kind of help and encouragement. 

    So it is not permissible to listen to one who is wailing; 
    rather she should denounce her and tell her not to do that. If she stops, 
    all well and good, otherwise you should leave her and not sit with her and 
    listen to her. End quote. 

    Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him)