Problem between a daughter and her
    mother
Question

                AssalmualaykumFor the past 23 years, i endured a lot of physical and mental abuse
      from my beloved mother. In all this time, 
      i have tried very hard to swallow my pain and tolerate it , purely because she is my
      mother, regardless. But, sadly, now, at the age of 23 I am finding it very difficult to
      Tolerate it anymore. Her constant physical and verbal abuse has made me so ill, that i
      have been hospitalised for stress and been recommended to seek professional help. But i
      don't want to see a psychologist who would feed me with information and advice that is
      hostile to the Islamic point of view.
      
      I ma a very pious women,and know how highly regarded mothers are in Islam, and they have
      to be respected regardless. But what about me? Why have i done to deserve all this? Just
      recently, i have learnt, from my father, that she is mentally disturbed, and is a product
      of her hostile upbringing. But that still doesn't help me? 
      As i write to you now, she sits outside in the lounge, and refuses to talk to me and works
      very hard to make my four sisters and brothers not talk to me either. Sadly, they comply,
      so not to make her upset. What really upsets me is that she curses me a lot and makes very
      bad du'oas for me, like wish that i die soon from a horrible disease or go to hell. 
      My real concern is, how much of that would God listen to?  What is God's opinion of
      me? What's His opinion of her?  And what do i do now? Please help and and let me know
      what my rights and obligations are as a Muslim daughter. Can mothers do that just because
      they are mothers and paradise lay under their feet? What about the children? Jazak allah khayra
Praise be to Allah.Allaah has commanded us to treat our parents well, and He has linked
    this to the command to worship Him and the prohibition of associating anything in worship
    with Him. The rights of the mother in this regard have been emphasized more than those of
    the father.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): Worship none but
    Allaah (Alone) and be dutiful and good to parents [al-Baqarah 2:83]. Ibn
    Abbaas said: This means treating them with respect and kindness, and lowering
    the wing of humility to them, not answering them harshly or glaring at them, not raising
    one's voice to them, but being as humble towards them as a slave towards his master.
    Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): And your Lord has decreed that you
    worship none but Him, and that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of
    them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, not shout at them,
    but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and
    humility through mercy, and say: My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did
    bring me up when I was small. [al-Isra 17:23-24]. Al-Baghawi (may
    Allaah have mercy on him) said: This means not saying anything that may contain the
    slightest hint of irritation. [The word uff in the aayah, translated
    here as a word of disrepect] comes from the word aff, which
    is similar to the word taff; both words refer to the dirt that collects
    under fingernails, and [in Arabic] when one is annoyed and fed up with something, one says
    uff! to it.
Abu Baddaah al-Tajeebi said: I said to Saeed ibn
    al-Musayyab: I understood everything in the Quraan about respecting ones
    parents, apart from the aayah (interpretation of the meaning) But address them in
    terms of honour [al-Isra 17:23]. What are these terms of honour [al-qawl
    al-kareem]? Ibn al-Musayyab said: It is the way in which a slave who has
    done wrong approaches a harsh and strict master.
The obligation of treating ones parents with kindness and respect
    is not confined only to Muslim parents; they should be honoured in this way even if they
    are kaafirs. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): And We have enjoined on
    man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship
    upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years  give thanks to Me and
    to your parents, - unto Me is the final destination. But if they (both) strive with you to
    make you join in worship with Me others of which you have no knowledge, then obey them
    not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to me
    in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what
    you used to do. [Luqmaan 31:14-15].
If Allaah has told us to treat even these parents with respect and
    kindness, in spite of the heinous sin which they are telling their child to commit, which
    is the crime of associating something in worship with Allaah, then what do you think is
    the case with Muslim parents, especially if they are righteous? By Allaah, their rights
    are among the most important and most certain rights, and fulfilling these rights in a
    proper manner is one of the most difficult and most important duties. The one who is
    guided to do this is truly guided, and the one who is not helped to do this is truly
    deprived. Innumerable ahaadeeth also confirm this. According to a hadeeth narrated by Abu
    Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him): A man came to the Prophet 
 (peace and
    blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: O Messenger of Allaah, who among the
    people is most deserving of my good companionship? He said, Your mother.
    He asked, Then whom? He said, Your mother. He asked, Then
    whom? He said, Your mother. He asked, Then whom? He said,
    Then your father. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4/13, and Muslim,
    2548).
    Makhool said: Respecting ones parents is an
    expiation for major sins.
You have to be patient with your mother and put up with the harsh
    treatment on her part, which is upsetting you. By treating her with respect and dealing
    with her kindly, you will earn her good pleasure and love. Try to avoid things that will
    provoke her and make her angry, even if they are in your interests, without causing harm
    to yourself. Your mother, for her part, has to treat you well and stop harming you with
    her blows and insults.
With regard to what you mention about her praying against you, if these
    duaas are said for no good reason, they will not be accepted. It is not
    permissible for her to pray against you for no good reason, because of the general
    applicability of the Prophets words: [The prayers] of any of you will be
    answered, so long as he does not pray for sin or the breaking of family ties. This
    hadeeth indicates that if a duaa includes sin, it will definitely not be
    answered. There is no doubt that praying against ones child for no good reason is a
    sin.
We ask Allaah to help you to treat her with respect and earn her
    pleasure, and to help us all to do that which He loves and will please Him. May Allaah
    bless our Prophet Muhammad.