Does mentioning
    the deceased and grieving over him harm him in his grave?
Question

                It is said that when the living mention the dead, such as a son remembering his dead father all the time and in every place, and grieving and weeping for him, the deceased is affected and harmed by this. So they say that we should not mention the dead with sorrow and weeping, and that it is sufficient to make du’aa’ for them and pray for forgiveness and mercy for them, and no more. How true or otherwise is this? May Allaah reward you with good. And what should we do with regard to the dead? May Allaah reward you with good.
Praise be to Allah.It was reported that the Prophet 
 (peace and blessings
    of Allaah be upon him) said: “The deceased is punished by the weeping of his family
    for him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1286). This was explained
    as meaning, when a person had told his family to do that, as was done during the
    Jaahiliyyah. And it was said that it meant, if their custom was to weep and wail and he
    did not warn them. And it was said that it meant, he would feel hurt and saddened because
    they were doing something that would not help them at all; it does not refer to the
    punishment of the Fire. But simply mentioning the person, feeling grief and saying “Innaa
    Lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi raaji’oon (to Allaah we belong and unto Him is our
    return)” – these actions are not included in this prohibition, because these
    feelings are something that overwhelm a person, and he cannot help thinking of the
    deceased, mentioning him, grieving for him and feeling sorrow because of his loss. If he
    mentions him, says “Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi raaji’oon,” and
    prays to his Lord for patience and consolation and to be compensated with something
    better, then Allaah will reward him for bearing this loss.