Her family has a bad reputation and she wants to go far away from them
Question

                My life at home is unbearable. Because my family – my father and mother – do so many bad things, I hate myself, and I hate them. This has led to me disobeying them, and I cannot honour them under any circumstances. I hope that your answer will not be to try again. Their reputation is bad, it includes divorce but in a manner that I cannot mention. I have decided to go away from them and travel to a place where I can live and work far away from their reputation. 

I wear niqaab because of the problems, but the place should be somewhere where niqaab is not obligatory, only hijab. I have decided to travel and live far away from all of this, and wearing hijab will be better than wearing niqaab but having reached a state of kufr – Allaah forbid. 

I ask you by Allaah to advise me. I need to speak to someone. I ask you by Allaah to solve my problem. I have almost begun to despair of the mercy of our Lord. If I die I am worried that – Allaah forbid – I will be a kaafir, because you do not know what is in my heart.
Praise be to Allah.
    Firstly: 

    This world is not free of worries and distress, and the 
    Muslim knows that, indeed all people know that. All people suffer in this 
    world, good and bad. 

    The difference between the believer and the kaafir with 
    regard to that is that the believer has the hope of the reward of Allaah in 
    good times and bad, which the kaafir is deprived of because of his kufr. 
    Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

    “if you are suffering (hardships) then surely, they (too) 
    are suffering (hardships) as you are suffering, but you have a hope from 
    Allaah (for the reward, i.e. Paradise) that for which they hope not; and 
    Allaah is Ever All‑Knowing, All‑Wise”

    [al-Nisa’ 4:104]

    The believer knows that whatever good he sees in this world 
    is only partial, and that whatever evil he sees in this realm, no matter 
    what this evil is, is only partial. True good is in Paradise and true evil 
    is in Hell. 

    Shaddaad ibn Aws (may Allaah be pleased with him) used to 
    say: You do not see anything of good but its causes and you do not see 
    anything of evil but its causes. All goodness is in Paradise and all evil is 
    in Hell. This world is transient and passing, in which both the righteous 
    and the immoral eat. But the Hereafter is a true promise in which a stern 
    Sovereign will pass judgement. Each of them has its sons, so be among the 
    sons of the Hereafter and do not be among the sons of this world. 

    Sifat al-Safwah (1/709). 

    Because of this truth, the one who is destined for Hell will 
    forget all this goodness from the first time he is dipped in Hell, and the 
    one who is destined for Paradise will forget all this hardship the first 
    time he is dipped in Paradise. 

    This is the wisdom of Allaah, which the believer sees in that 
    which Allaah has decreed for him. He tests His slaves with good and bad 
    alike. 

    “Everyone is going to taste death, and We shall make a 
    trial of you with evil and with good. And to Us you will be returned”

    [al-Anbiya’ 21:35]

    It is easy for anyone to speak the words of faith and claim 
    to be sincere, but it is through tests and trials that those who are sincere 
    are distinguished from those who are lying, and believers are distinguished 
    from hypocrites. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

    “Do people think that they will be left alone because they 
    say: ‘We believe,’ and will not be tested.

    3. And We indeed tested those who were before them. And 
    Allaah will certainly make (it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and 
    will certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars, 
    (although Allaah knows all that before putting them to test)”

    [al-‘Ankaboot 29:2-3]

    So the believer is different from all other people when he is 
    tested with good and bad. He is grateful for good things and he is patient 
    when bad things happen, and there is no goodness in anything other than 
    that. 

    It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with 
    him) said: The Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) 
    said: “How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for all of it is good, 
    and that applies to no one except the believer. If something good happens to 
    him he gives thanks, and that is good for him, and if something bad befalls 
    him he bears it with patience, and that is good for him.” Narrated by Muslim 
    (2999).  

    One of the names by which Allaah has called Himself is 
    al-Hakeem (the Wise), and one of His deeds is wisdom which the human mind 
    cannot fully comprehend. That part of His wisdom which is known to us can 
    help the believer to be steadfast and patient. In the answer to question no. 
    35914 we have stated some of the wisdom and benefits that result from 
    calamities. Please refer to this question, as it is important. 

    There are some things which, if the one who is stricken with 
    calamity thinks about them, his problem will seem less severe. Ibn al-Qayyim 
    mentioned in his book Zaad al-Ma’aad (4/189-195) a number of these 
    things, which we have mentioned in the answer to question no. 
    71236. Please 
    refer to this question, as it is important. 

    Secondly: 

    Honouring your parents is an Islamic duty, and it is haraam 
    to disobey them even if their attitude or their treatment of you is bad, and 
    no matter what has happened between them. Allaah has enjoined treating them 
    kindly even if they try to force you to disbelieve. Allaah says 
    (interpretation of the meaning): 

    “But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in 
    worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them 
    not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him 
    who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your 
    return, and I shall tell you what you used to do”

    [Luqmaan 31:15]

    The Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) 
    enjoined maintaining ties with them and treating them kindly even if they 
    are kaafirs, as he said to Asma’ (may Allaah be pleased with her) when her 
    mother, who was a kaafir, came to visit her because she needed something: 
    “Uphold ties of kinship with your mother.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2477) 
    and Muslim (1003). 

    Thirdly: 

    Moving far away from your family and travelling by yourself 
    is not permissible because of the problem, rather it the wrong way to deal 
    with it. It is like jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire.  

    It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: I heard the Prophet 
     (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “No man should be 
    alone with a woman unless there is a mahram present with her, and no woman 
    should travel except with a mahram.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1763) and 
    Muslim (1341). 

    This hadeeth indicates that for a woman to travel alone, 
    without a husband or mahram, is haraam. The word “travel” in the hadeeth is 
    general in meaning, and includes travelling for Hajj and ‘Umrah or to seek 
    knowledge. What you are intending to do comes under the heading of travel 
    that is forbidden in this hadeeth, and if the travel is to a kaafir country, 
    then it is even more haraam. 

    Fourthly: 

    It is not permissible for a woman to take off her hijab, the 
    symbol of her chastity, religious commitment and modesty. Obedience to 
    Allaah takes precedence over desires, pleasures and worldly matters. 

    Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) 
    said: 

    It is obligatory for a woman to observe hijab in front of 
    non-mahram men, both at home and abroad, because Allaah says (interpretation 
    of the meaning): 

    “And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask 
    them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their 
    hearts”

    [al-Ahzaab 33:53]

    This verse includes the face as well as other parts, because 
    the face is the greatest part of a woman’s beauty. 

    “O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the 
    women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies 
    (i.e. screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the 
    way). That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable 
    women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allaah is Ever Oft‑Forgiving, Most 
    Merciful”
    [al-Ahzaab 33:59] 

    “…and not to reveal their adornment except to their 
    husbands, or their fathers, or their husband’s fathers, or their sons, or 
    their husband’s sons …”

    [al-Noor 24:31]

    These verses indicate that it is obligatory to observe hijab 
    at home and abroad, in front of Muslims and kaafirs. 

    It is not permissible for any woman who believes in Allaah 
    and the Last Day to take these matter slightly because that is disobedience 
    towards Allaah and His Messenger, and because that will cause fitnah at home 
    and abroad. 

    Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah 
    (1/446, 447). 

    Fifthly: 

    You should not despair of the mercy of Allaah. What you say 
    in your question indicates that you have lost self confidence and have lost 
    hope in your Lord. The Shaytaan would like this to continue. Beware of 
    falling into the trap of the Shaytaan. 

    We can see from your letter that you are upset and grieved by 
    the state of your family, and how their reputation is affecting you, which 
    has made you think of moving away from them. But we want you to think long 
    and hard lest you fall pray to evil people, especially if they know about 
    your family’s situation and you are alone among them. So you have to plan to 
    solve this problem without doing anything that is haraam. 

    We suggest that you should tell one of your relatives who is 
    wise and is a mahram about your problem, such as a paternal uncle or 
    maternal uncle, so that he may help you to solve the problem that results 
    from your remaining with your family. Moving to the house of one of your 
    mahrams is the best way to solve your problem, if living with them is as you 
    describe and there is no hope of them mending their ways. Maybe after that 
    Allaah will bless you with a righteous husband with whom you will have a 
    happy life and Allaah may bless you with good children from him. 

    There is no reason why your relatives should not help you to 
    get married to a righteous man. If they do that, they will be deserving of 
    praise. There is no reason why you should not try to get someone whose 
    intelligence and religious commitment you trust to look for a suitable 
    husband for you, or mention you to a person who you think is righteous and 
    good. 

    But whatever the case, we do not advise you to travel alone 
    or to move to a house on your own, rather we advise you to live with one of 
    your relatives who is a mahram, if that is possible, so long as you choose a 
    righteous household that is suitable for you to live in. If that is not 
    possible then we advise you to look for righteous sisters, such as students, 
    and live with them. If that is not possible, then look for a righteous 
    sister who is living with her sisters or mother, who you could live with. 
    What matters is that you should avoid living alone and avoid travelling, 
    especially to a kaafir country, and you should look for a good and suitable 
    environment where you can protect your religious commitment. 

    It is not permissible for you to give in to the tricks of the 
    shaytaan for you are one of those who are despairing and are close to kufr. 
    All of that plays a role in worry and distress. 

    Think about the words of Allaah (interpretation of the 
    meaning): 

    “Or think you that you will enter Paradise without such 
    (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted 
    with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger 
    and those who believed along with him said, “When (will come) the Help of 
    Allaah?” Yes! Certainly, the Help of Allaah is near!”

    [al-Baqarah 2:214]

    You will realize that when calamity grows worse and reaches 
    the point that it feels like an earthquake, then relief is close at hand by 
    the mercy of the Most Merciful of those who show mercy. 

    Think about the words of Allaah (interpretation of the 
    meaning): 

    “And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He 
    will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).

    3. And He will provide him from (sources) he never could 
    imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him. 
    Verily, Allaah will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allaah has set a measure 
    for all things”

    [al-Talaaq 65:2-3] 

    “and whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He 
    will make his matter easy for him”

    [al-Talaaq 65:4] 

    “Verily, along with every hardship is relief,

    6. Verily, along with every hardship is relief”

    [al-Sharh 94:5-6]

    And the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon 
    him) said: “O young man, shall I not teach you some words by means of which 
    Allaah may benefit you?” I said: Yes. He said: “Be mindful of Allaah, He 
    will take care of you. Be mindful of Allaah and you will find Him before 
    you. Remember Him at times of ease and He will remember you at times of 
    hardship. If you ask, then ask of Allaah, if you seek help then seek help 
    from Allaah. The Pen has dried and things are happening (as they have been 
    decreed). If all of mankind were to gather together to benefit you in some 
    way that Allaah has not decreed for you, they would never be able to do it, 
    and if they wanted to harm you with something that Allaah has not decreed 
    for you, they would never be able to do it. Remember that there is much good 
    in bearing with patience that which you dislike, and that victory comes with 
    patience, and that with hardship comes a way out and with difficulty comes 
    ease.” Narrated by Ahmad, 2800 and classed as saheeh by Al-Albaani. 

    Finally: we advise you to make du’aa’ and seek out the best 
    times such as the last third of the night, saying a lot of du’aa’ whilst 
    prostrating, being sincere in your du’aa’ and humbly beseeching your Lord to 
    guide your parents and set their affairs straight, and to help you to do 
    that which He loves and which pleases Him. 

    See also the book “Alhomoom – Dealing with Worries and 
    Stress” in the Books section of this site. 

    And Allaah knows best.