You have a good idea of where you're going most of the time, but you tend to internalize your goals, therefore cutting yourself off from valuable support. Consider making a home cooked meal and letting the people you live with in on your secret life! This will feel scary at first, but you will touch them with your openness, and the days and weeks to come will feel a bit warmer for the contact. While you're at it, cook something that "expresses who you are."