Then, I would bury myself in self-pity and suffer gladly.  Putting aside pride (actually trashing my pride), I knocked every possible door (including relatives and old family acquaintances I vowed not to see any longer), asking for a little aid on the financial side in vain.  For some reason, "At least, I tried" has been a thought that doesn't make anything easier lately.  Anyway, casting this aside, I've happened to marvel at the thought that there is so much in the world to see and ruminate that we have so little time. 