Bittersweet Memories

**Title: **Bittersweet Memories

**Author: **YamixYuugiLover

**Pairing: **A bit of Tallahassee/Columbus at the beginning, middle, and end.

**Rating: **T; PG-13

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Zombieland, or any of the characters that I play with as shown.

**Warnings: **Tallahassee being angsty, cursing, blood, death, Tally killing zombies, and some rather cute father/son moments. Oh, and it's VERY sad. /Hands out tissues/ Yeah, I'm evil like that. X3 Oh, and Buck is around 5 to 6 years old in this fic. Cause the Tallahassee spawn is so adorable. :3

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No one really knew or questioned the man known as Tallahassee when it came to asking how he survived the first few months of the start of the zombie apocalypse, but that was the way he wanted to keep it; not even Columbus knew what horrors he went through before they met each other. In fact, Tallahassee _preferred _to keep such a story to be kept hidden and never to be spoken of, for it only made him depressed as hell when he thought about it.

So when the girls decided to have a toast to celebrate surviving the apocalypse for a year during dinner one night, the older zombie hunter felt old, painful memories flash through his mind as he absentmindedly raised his own cup with the others, only to set it down afterwords. Tallahassee was lost in his own world that he didn't notice that Columbus was gently shaking him, frowning when Florida didn't respond to any of his comments.

"Tallahassee? Is everything okay?" Ohio replied with concern laced in his voice. He didn't like the lost glazed look the Southerner was sporting now. He grew even more worried when the cowboy stood from from the table and left without saying a word to the others, not even looking back when he slammed the door shut behind him.

Florida stomped towards the shiny black Cadillac that was parked in the driveway and decided that he needed to sort out his thoughts before he went back in to face the others, so he hopped into the Cadillac and made himself comfortable in the backseat. Tallahassee scrubbed his face with a hand as he reached into his back pocket and got out the wallet he and his son made over a year ago, and sighed when he opened it to look at the picture of a smiling Buck.

"I miss ya, Buck." Tallahassee muttered under his breath, feeling his vision blur a bit while more painful memories invaded his mind. The zombie hunter blinked back the tears as he pulled his hat a bit down, so that it covered his eyes with shadows. Tallahassee let his hand rub the tip of the cowboy hat for a bit longer than usual, smiling a bit when he remembered the day he got the hat, along with the promise that he and Buck made with said hat.

~_A year ago~_

"_Woah! Hold on Buck! The store isn't going anywhere, son..." Tallahassee chuckled as Buck beamed a smile at him, and continued to pull his father towards the huge colorful toy store that was now a few feet away from them. Tallahassee allowed himself to be dragged into the store, grinning when his son stopped for a moment and made a face at the girly section of the store._

"_Daddy, why do they have so many girly things? They aren't as fun like the toys I have at home..." Buck asked, blinking his blue eyes at his father. _

"_Well son, that's because there are lots of little girls that are around the same age as you that like to play with toys as well. Though granted they favor dolls more than anythin', which is why they probably aren't fun at all for ya." Florida ruffled Buck's blond hair a bit, smiling at the pout the little boy made at his father's playfulness._

_Buck made a grab for Tallahassee's hand and pulled him towards the section that he was determined to find the new toys he always wanted. But before he got there, he caught sight of a bin that had all kinds of different hats in it. With a grin creeping onto his face, Buck steered towards the bin, looking back at his father who had a confused look on his face._

"_Buck, I thought you wanted some toys, not a hat..." Tallahassee said, watching his son smile at him while looking at him thoughtfully, then turning to dig into the wide assortment of hats._

"_Aha! Found it!" The little boy cried out happily, looking at the big brown cowboy hat with glee. He faced his father again, and this time held out his arms in a gesture that meant he wanted his father to pick him up and hold him for awhile with the cowboy hat clenched in his hand. _

_Tallahassee reached out and lifted his son up in his arms with small grunt. "You are growing up to be a big boy, Buck. Might have to stop feeding you so many Twinkies." He said proudly, grinning at as his boy punched his shoulder playfully. _

"_I'm gonna be just like you when I grow up, daddy! So I have to keep eating Twinks to be big an' strong!" Buck exclaimed while using this chance to put the cowboy hat he found on his father's head. It fit him perfectly, and it reminded Buck of the cowboys he always see on T.V. every night._

"_Now daddy is a cowboy!" Tallahassee chuckled at his boy's imagination, and was a bit surprised when the little blond headed boy took his hand and wrapped his little pinky finger around his own finger._

"_Dad, promise me when you wear this hat, you'll make all the bad guys go away? And protect the good people?" Buck looked up at his father and smiled when his father answered yes to his question and shook their combined fingers as a promise between father and son._

"_Okay, Dad! Now we can go and get that new toy I wanted..." With a sigh, Tallahassee let his boy down and but didn't move to take the hat off. After all, if this made his son happy, then __so be it. He was willing to play the 'good' cowboy for his son. _

_~End of memory~_

Florida grunted in surprise when he felt someone crawled into his lap and hugged him, wiping away the tears that now stained his face. He made no move to acknowledge the person, for he knew in the back of head who would be so bold as to do something like this.

"Oh Tallahassee, I'm so sorry...I know it sucks when bad memories arise as well." Columbus continued to babble on while trying his best to soothe and comfort Florida the best he could. He followed Tallahassee quietly after he left them, because Ohio hated that lost look Tally had on his face, so he wanted to try and figure out what was bothering his Tally. At first he watched Florida silently get into the black Cadillac they got from Bill Murray's house awhile back, but then got anxious, and was itching to find out what was wrong with the Southerner.

When Columbus opened the door to the backseat, he expected Tallahassee to yell at him for not giving him his alone time, or even giving him any kind of greeting, but instead he got nothing, not even a usual growl from the older zombie hunter. Ohio quickly hopped into the car and locked the doors, not wanting the girls or zombies for that matter coming around to interrupt him while he tried to comfort Tallahassee.

As soon as he saw the tears on Tally's face along with the wallet that was now slowly slipping from Tallahassee's fingers, Ohio felt his heart drop into his stomach. He automatically crawled into Tally's lap and hugged him with all his might, wiping away tears that he never wanted to see on the Cowboy's face again.

Columbus leaned back just a bit to see that Tallahassee wasn't responding to anything he said or did at _all_, and he desperately wished for any kind of response from Tally now. He wanted Tallahassee's happy-go-lucky mood back, and would do anything to see smirk or a grin to beam at him.

"Tally..." Ohio whispered, frowning even more when the other shut his eyes and sighed a bit, but almost jumped when he felt a pair of strong arms wrap loosely around him. The ex-college student wrapped his arms around Tally mid section and buried his face in the crook of Florida's neck.

"I know you miss him, Tally. I bet he was a very sweet little boy. I would have loved to meet him." Columbus muttered, tightening his arms around the other. "I bet he was really happy to have such a wonderful father such as yourself. So don't go thinking for a minute that you failed him. Cause you didn't. You'll always will be a hero in his eyes, Tally, and it applies to me as well." Columbus continued on murmuring words of praise and encouragement for Tally, hoping to whatever god there was up there to take care of Buck and to bring make Tally smile again, cause he hated this feeling of hopelessness of not being able to bring Tally back to normal.

Tallahassee quietly listened to Columbus talk, silently grateful for the comfort the kid was trying to give him now. He closed his eyes and tried to bury the past once more and just forget about it, but another memory popped up, and this one was like a a killing blow to his heart and that haunted his dreams at night.

~_A year ago~_

_The news reported that there was a virus that was like the plague spreading around the world, and at first Tallahassee thought nothing of it while he was at work, but as soon as he saw his very first zombie lunging at him a few hours later, he took the crowbar he had at hand and swung it like a bat at the undead cannibal. It was then he realized that Buck could be in danger with the nanny he paid to watch him for that day. _

_Not wanting to waste time, he quickly left his work and drove straight back home, terror filling his mind and heart as he drove by other people who were either trying to run away from the cannibals or were screaming and struggling to get out of the embrace of said cannibals, which in turn got very bloody afterwords. He ran a few red lights, but he didn't care for the law right now. _

_All that mattered was getting to Buck and making sure he was safe and sound, away from all the cannibals that were steadily increasing in number. Tallahassee felt hope rise within him as he saw his house just up the street, with no signs of those crazy ass sick people around. He quickly parked his truck in the driveway, and left the keys in the ignition so he and his son could make a getaway to somewhere safe, more than likely to another state or so._

_Florida ran towards the door, busting it open as he yelled out for his son. He felt a knot twisting in the pit of his stomach when he got no response, and kept on calling out for his son as he raced upstairs towards the little boy's room. The older man felt like breaking down when he saw that the room was devoid of Buck, so he ran to each and every room to try to find him._

_After searching the inside of the house thoroughly, Tallahassee ran towards the glass doors that led outside to the backyard, and figured that Buck must be hiding in the shed or something. He stopped in front of the glass door and stopped mid-way in opening it. To his horror, there was Buck, laying in a pool of blood in the backyard, with the nanny hovering over him and was __**chewing **__on what must have been the little boy's intestine. _

_White hot rage took over Tallahassee as he opened the door and tackled the nanny turned zombie off of Buck's corpse and slammed the zombie up against the shed, then proceeded to throw it harshly on the ground and stomped on it's head repeatedly, until there was nothing but rotten flesh and blood splattered everywhere on the grass._

_Florida only stopped in his rage when he saw that the body wasn't moving anymore. He then took one look at his now dead son and lifted Buck into his arms, and broke down crying. "I'm sorry Buck. I'm so sorry!" He mumbled into his son's blood-matted hair, not caring about the blood that was surely staining his clothes now. He lost the one thing he loved the most and now he couldn't get him back, no matter what he did._

_After what seemed like forever, Florida got up with his dead son in his arms, and decided to at least give him a proper resting place, and it didn't matter how long it took him to do it. He went back inside and settled his son gently on the couch, taking the blanket from a nearby chair and tucking him in, as if he was still alive. "Don't worry, Buck. Daddy is gonna make sure you get to rest in peace. I love you son." Tallahassee choked out, determined not to break down again as he kissed Buck's cold forehead one last time before pulling the blanket over his head.._

_He had work to do, and his son still needed him. He went back outside into the shed and got out nails, hammer, and some hardwood boards, and went about making Buck a coffin. A few hours later, the older man smiled sadly as he gently placed his son in the crudely made coffin, making sure to but Buck's favorite toys and blanket with him. "You have fun with the other boys and girls in heaven, alright Buck? Save a spot for daddy up there if you can." _

_As Tallahassee said a few prayers and hugged his son one last time, he finally put the cover on the coffin, ignoring the tears that were steadily coming down at a fast rate as he picked up the coffin with gentle care and placed it on the ground, then got the shovel from the shed and started to dig a hole that was big enough for his son's body._

_When he was done, Florida gently put the coffin inside the hole, and placed one last kiss on top of the coffin before getting out and putting the dirt back where it belonged. All the while the older man couldn't believe he was burying his own son. It was like some horrible nightmare he couldn't seem to escape. _

_After the little burial was done, Tallahassee went back inside and decided that a nice bath and some sleep would do for now. He felt like shit, and the pain inside him was slowly tearing him apart. Upon going upstairs to his room, Florida grabbed a bottle of whiskey that he hid for a few years right after Buck was born (he didn't want to be an alcoholic father that beats his own son. He loved Buck too much to even think about about harming him), and opened it up with a flick of his wrist. The whiskey burned all the way down his throat, but he couldn't care less. _

_The Southerner went past Buck's room and straight into his room, where he almost plopped down on his bed, but decided that a shower was needed first before he passes out in hopes of waking from this nightmare he is in. He goes to take a quick shower, and then goes back into his bedroom to find some clothes to wear for the night. _

_As he gets to his dresser, he notices the cowboy hat Buck picked out for him last week at the toy shop they were in. He picks up the brown leather hat, and is reminded of the promise he made to his boy back in the shop. "Take out all the bad guys...Protect the good ones..."_

_He puts the hat on, and decides to wear blue jeans and a purple shirt to bed, for he plans to set out and kill all those z-fucks and protect other people, if there were any left for him protect that is. If not, then he'll just keep killing and searching, all the while going back to Tallahassee, Florida to see if anyone else he knew survived this horrific apocalypse._

_After two months worth of searching and killing, he was finally making his way through Texas, he finally found one of the 'good guys' buck was talking about. He instantly lets the kid get into his Caddy, but won't let them get too familiar with each other. Buck's death was still fresh on his mind, and he didn't dare let another person get close to him._

_But of course, some things just don't go according to plan..._

_~End of memory~_

"Fuck." Tallahassee growled out, blinking the sleep out of eyes as he noticed he was laying on something warm, and was being held down by limbs that were wrapped around him. He looked up, and saw that Columbus had managed to put them horizontal in the back seats last night, and was holding him down with his arms still wrapped around his mid section, while his legs were loosely wrapped around his waist. '_Damn, must have fallen asleep unexpectedly...'_

"Spit-fuck. Wake up. Rise and shine, Ohio." Florida said before yawning, and was about to attempt to sit up with Columbus still attached to him but was stopped when the ex-college student let out a yawn as well, smiling when he saw Tallahassee looking at him.

"Morning Tally. You feeling better today?" Ohio murmured sleepily, letting the older zombie hunter sit up so he could curl onto his lap.

"Yeah. Sorry about last night, Columbus. I-" Tallahassee was cut off by the quick, but chaste kiss on his lips, and nuzzled his face into Florida's shoulder.

"Don't say you are sorry. I know you well enough to know that you have bottled up most of those horrible memories, and last night let them out, so you did what any other person would do, Tally; you relieved them and let out your emotions for once. Though I was scared to death when you didn't respond to me at all last night, I knew you'd come through, you always do." Ohio finished happily, loving the way Tally's finger's carded through his hair slowly.

"Thanks, Collie. I appreciate you helping me out last night." Florida mumbled as he gave the younger man a hug.

"Anytime, Tally. Now let's go back inside and get some breakfast! I think Little Rock wanted to try to make us some pancakes from scratch." Columbus smiled as he unlocked the doors and jumped out, happy when Tallahassee got out soon after with a smirk on his face.

"You think if we stay out here long enough, Wichita will burn the house down making scrambled eggs?" Tallahassee joked around, walking alongside Columbus as they made their way back into the house, knowing that as long as they were together, they would always be there for one another, no matter what happens in the future.

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Rabbit: Om nom nom. =w= /is shot/ I uh, wrote this cause...We need more Tallahassee/Buck stories out there. :3 I think Tally is a very loving father, thus this was born! The hat idea was adorable in my mind, so I just had to write it out. So whatcha think? Good? Bad? Should I make another one? Please review! And Happy New Years Everyone! :D

End file.

Bittersweet Memories by YamixYuugiLover


Trust No One, Just You and Me

**Wichita's P.O.V**

I quietly walk up and down the aisles of the grocery store, making sure to look for Twinkies. A few minutes later I meet up in the middle with Columbus. My sister had decided to go with Tallahassee. Not a few seconds after meeting up with Columbus, Tallahassee comes around the corner alone. He walks up to us.

"Where's my sister?" I ask immediately. After what happened at Pacific Playland, she had always stayed next to me. The first time she wants to head off with someone else, she gets lost.

"Shit," is Tallahassee's reply, "I could have sworn she was right behind me the whole time." It is unlike my sister to just walk off like this. I will admit that I am starting to freak out. Big sister overprotective mode has kicked in full gear, and I am ready to strangle Tallahassee for not looking out for her.

"Are we positive there are no zombies in the store?" Columbus asks. I glance over and see he is as scared as me.

"Not up front," I say with a quiver in my voice. I clear my throat and say more confidently, "Did anyone check the back?" Columbus and Tallahassee both look at each other. Obviously neither one of them had bothered to look.

"Well, we know she is in this half of the store," Columbus says while pointing to where Tallahassee had just come from. "Should we split up and look?" Tallahassee and I nod our heads in agreement. Before I know it, we have all met by the supply room door. Now my freaking out has gone into overdrive. I realize that my little sister is in the back, by herself, with possible zombies hiding in wait.

"You don't think she went in there by herself?" Columbus asks. I look at Tallahassee.

"Did you tell her that you guys were going to look in the back?"

"Shit," is his only reply.

"She must of last track of you and thought that you had gone to the back." It's the only scenario that makes sense. My sister would never willingly go anywhere alone. She understands the buddy system. Before anything else can be said between us, we hear a scream from behind the door followed quickly by two gun shots. My heart starts to race as my head catches up with my ears. That was my sister.

**Little Rock's P.O.V**

After what happened at Pacific Playland, I had been sticking pretty close to my sister. In the beginning, I was mad at her for lying to me about it being zombie free. Eventually, I got over it. Columbus had reminded me that my sister was trying to help me feel like a kid again. Tonight, I decided to go with Tallahassee as we searched for more Twinkies.

"After we do a sweep of the aisles, we will go to the back," he tells me before we start. I nod my head in understanding. While walking down one of the aisles, I spot a cereal box of my favorite cereal. I stop and look at it remembering the last time I had a bowl. My sister and I had stopped at a motel on our way to California before Zombieland. She had bought them as a surprise for me. It was only a few days later that the outbreak had started. After not paying attention to Tallahassee, I look up to see that he has walked off without me.

I head off looking for him. After looking down a couple aisles, I head to the back. He did say that we would look there. I cautiously open the door and look around. I haven't gone too far in when I hear movement.

"Tallahassee, is that you?" I ask. I don't get a reply so I walk farther in. I hear movement again and call out, "Tallahassee, please, is that you?" Getting no reply, I start freaking out. Why didn't I just follow my sister in the first place? At least she wouldn't have walked off without me. I hear the movement again, this time closer. I turn around and come face-to-face with three zombies. I scream, take a couple shots, and then start running.

**Wichita's P.O.V**

Without a second of hesitation, I burst through the door. My reflexes have gone on automatic pilot. All that matters is getting to my sister. A quick look tells me she has moved away from the door. I spot a zombie lying on the floor. Columbus goes up and shoots it again. I hear another scream and then more gun shots. We all take off in that direction.

"Little Rock, hang on, we're coming," Columbus yells.

"Please hurry," she yells back as another shot is heard. I can hear the fear in her voice. We all step it up a notch. I hear two more gun shots, before we finally round a final corner and see her. She has been backed into a corner with two zombies advancing quickly.

"Get as low to the floor as you can!" Tallahassee yells. She drops her gun, lays flat on the floor, and covers her head. We all start firing at the two remaining zombies. After the last one falls, my sister sits up and rests her back against the wall. I can tell she is freaking out. Then realization hits me like a ton of bricks. She is having a panic attack. I immediately run up to her.

**Little Rock's P.O.V**

I risk a glance behind me. I notice that only two are following me now. I stumble and drop my gun. I quickly pick it up. I scream as I notice how close they are, as I pick up my gun and fire more shots. That's when I hear Columbus.

"Little Rock, hang on, we're coming!" I reach a dead end and turn around.

"Please hurry," I yell back as I take a few more shots. These zombies are bigger and are not falling easily. I fire again with no affect. Finally I see them round the corner. I immediately look at my sister. I can see she is freaking out as much as me.

"Get as low to the floor as you can!" Tallahassee yells at me. I drop my gun and fall to the floor covering my head. I hear tons of shots ring out before everything gets quiet. I look to see both zombies on the ground. I sit up and rest my back against the wall. I start hyperventilating. Before I realize it, I am having a panic attack. I look up to see my sister running towards me.

**Wichita's P.O.V**

I toss my gun aside and fall to my knees. I take my sister's face in my hands and make her look at me.

"Okay, just calm down," I try to say in a calm voice. "Deep breaths," I say as I too take them. She mirrors me. "Good girl. Just take deep breaths. You're okay." After a few more deep breaths, she starts to relax.

"I got distracted. He left me, said we would look in the back." She says this with one breath. Her voice is small and weak.

"I know. It's okay. You're okay." I reassure her again. I wrap her into a hug and can feel her shaking with each breath. It takes a moment for me to realize that she is crying and I feel her arms tighten around me. I also tighten my hold. "You're okay. I got you. I'm not going to leave you. I'm never going to leave you." I whisper in her ear. The same words I said to her at the young age of seven when our parents walked out and left her in my care.

I look up to Tallahassee and Columbus. They both look relieved to see that she is okay. I feel my sister relax against me and know that she has fallen asleep. Tallahassee must have realized this because he steps up and picks her up. We walk back to the car in silence. I get in the back first and then Tallahassee sets my sister next to me. I pull her close and rest her head under my chin.

I silently curse myself for breaking a promise. I had promised her when this whole Zombieland thing started that I would never leave her alone. I was beginning to doubt my decision to go back on our rule. Trust no one, just you and me. From now on, that would still be our rule. Tallahassee and Columbus were just two people helping me to keep my sister safe. That was all it was ever going to be. That was all it could be.

End file.

Trust No One, Just You and Me by sototallysingle


His

Hi! Well I saw Zombie Land and Tallahassee and Columbus were to cute not to make a yaoi! I hope you enjoy!

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Tallahassee looked further up the road and ignored his Spit-Fuck's constant twiddling with the damn sweater strings. The redneck wasn't sure if his bitch did it just to annoy him or not. The curly haired ex-college student let out a huff as he began searching inside the side compartment for something to read. Tallahassee rolled his eyes at Columbus's typical passive aggressive attitude.

"Are you going to bitch and moan all day?" Ohio looked up and attempted a weak glare which had absolutely no affect.

"No, I'm not but did you have to do that?! Wichita and I were already having problems and now I'll be lucky if she ever has sex with me again!"

"It's not my fault you can't satisfy her, maybe you just weren't meant to be with a woman."

"I was satisfying her just fine before you pulled me off! You couldn't even wait until I was finished before you pulled me off in mid-ugh!" The phobia obsessed teenager couldn't even finish that sentence. Tallahassee watched in amusement as the younger's cheeks began taking on a cherry red hue. A chuckle escaped the zombie hunter as he remembered the scene.

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It had been earlier that week when he and Little Rock had been assigned to watch for zombies. In reality it was just him because the twelve year old soon fell asleep after the patrol had begun. The redneck had to admit that he was becoming slightly upset at the recent changes in the buddy system. Before the girls had shown up it had been just him and Ohio, on the road and watching each other's backs. He had enjoyed teasing the younger and having some company despite his "no attachments" attitude. It wasn't to say that he didn't like patrolling with Little Rock but she was just a kid and she certainly didn't try to diffuse a situation like his boy did.

Maybe it was that they were resting on some futons at the back of an old furniture company that had been cleaned out earlier that had him thinking back to when Ohio and him first met. He had just been searching for a fuckin twinkie when the little Spit-Fuck had come on the scene. Columbus might not have known it but the second he set foot into Tallahassee's car he became Florida's property. It was hard to even think of a time before the mad human disease broke out, it seemed like a different lifetime.

The redneck certainly didn't mean for his reminiscing to remind him of how lonely he was but it did. Leave it up to that fucking bitch with trust issues to steal HIS bitch! He had liked being the center of the college student's world! It had brought him back to a time when Buck was still alive and used to rely on him for everything. It had brought him back to when someone cared about him and when he felt needed. Tallahassee just knew that whatever trick Wichita was playing, his boy was eating it up. He had spent the next three months in insanity, doing nothing but killing those fuckers who took his meaning of life away for him. Every time he killed a zombie he was avenging his son's death. He could feel his rage increasing every time he had to room with the twelve year old. It was only recently that Tallahassee had come to see how much he relied on the younger man to take his anger away. It wasn't like the sisters were going to be with them much longer.

He had heard Wichita's secret talks with her sister when she had thought the men were asleep. The older girl would talk about staying with them a few more months before leaving them high and dry. Tallahassee had also gotten an ear full of details about her sex life. He had been rather curious to hear about how the resident shut in was progressing. In Wichita's opinion he sucked. That was fine by Florida! She could happily give his bitch back and go on her merry way. He would teach his little Spit-Fuck how to please someone the old fashioned way. It was always Little Rock that stopped her from going through with leaving.

Tallahassee had no idea what had happened to the older female or what type of baggage she was running from but damned if she was bringing his bitch into the middle of it. Little Rock had some spunk and was alright in Tallahassee's book. It was her older sister that the redneck couldn't stand. She was a grade A bitch who would take everything that he had worked hard for and leave. It had been around his angry musings on his thoughts when he heard whispered groans. The redneck quickly pulled out his rifle while he leaned closer to the wall. Was there a zombie he missed? He had been positive that the group had gotten them all before they put the building on lock down.

Another groan was heard as he let an insane grin slide to his face. He could take some of his frustrations out on some zombies! "Time to play you fuckers!" Florida yelled as he kicked open the door. He heard Witchita and Columbus scream in surprise while Tallahassee stood there dumbstruck. The redneck looked down to see his bitch balls deep in Witchita. Many thoughts ran through the zombie killer's head but the most prominant being.

"HE ISN'T WEARING A CONDOM!"

Now, Tallahassee's a man who relies on instinct. When he saw this his body simply reacted. It wasn't like his eyes always went to a man's dick but he had to save his Columbus from getting that horrible bitch pregnant. The redneck ran over to Columbus and forcefully pulled him out of Wichita. Poor Ohio began to freeze up in confusion, while Wichita gave him a "what the fuck?" expression.

"What are you doing!" Columbus shrieked as he began to spaz in Florida's hold. This wasn't the smartest thing to do because it made the redneck lose his balance. The two fell onto one of the mattresses and accidentally mashed their faces together. All of the flood gates of arousal that Tallahassee had been holding back in order not to spook the younger opened, not caring in the least the Wichita was still watching them.

Columbus felt a calloused hand grab the back of his curly locks and he was pulled closer to the alpha male. Tallahassee's hot lips met his cool ones as the older's teeth began to nip at him. Columbus made a sound of resistance before he felt himself responding. The only female in the group looked at them in disbelief. Was her boyfriend enjoying that? Rage couldn't even begin to describe how the teenager was feeling.

"Tallahassee get off of him!" She shrieked as she threw a pillow at Florida.

"Huh?" The redneck asked as he confusedly looked down at the panting male under him. Columbus met his eyes which held fear and a small bit of arousal. Damn was that a good look. Ohio snapped out of whatever trance he was in and looked down. His whole body flushed red as he realized he was still naked. The cowboy let out a chuckle. Wichita let out a frustrated noise in the back of her throat as she began to hurriedly put her clothes back on.

"You're a fucking prick Tallahassee and Columbus we are through!" The older female seethed as she walked out of the room. This seemed to get Ohio back to thinking properly.

"Wait! I didn't mean to!" The phobia ridden teen yelled back as he squirmed from under the older. Tallahassee seemed to get the message and let the other up. Ohio just looked at him nervously as he slowly began to pick up his clothes. Florida could sense the questioning in his bitch's gaze, which was something he didn't want to deal with now. With a huff the redneck walked out of the room, only to be met with a hard glare from Wichita which Tallahassee could only happily return.

* * *

The next few days after that were awkward to say the least. Little Rock mainly stayed to herself after she heard her sister's side of the tale. The twelve year old didn't want to be in the middle of this drama, she was happy on the sidelines thank you very much. Wichita had stayed away from Columbus, giving him the cold shoulder. Tallahassee mainly spent his time cleaning his guns while exuding his angry energy. Ohio was probably the most lost out the the group because Wichita wouldn't look at him, much less speak to him and he was to afraid to talk to Tallahassee.

No one would believe it but Tallahassee Florida spent most of his time worrying over the depressed Columbus. He wanted to explain what happened but damn it all he just didn't have the words! He didn't like how his little group had become broken up by what he had done. The redneck let out a sigh. It was time to nut up or shut up. The cowboy jumped off from the hood of the hummer and walked into the abandoned mattress factory.

"Ohio! It's time for some fuckin man talk!" Tallahassee yelled. It wasn't a minute later that the nervous ex college student came walking out of the furniture showroom chewing on his sweater strings. The redneck casually leaned against the door.

"Where are you going?" Little Rock asked.

"We're going to hunt for some fuckin Twinkies, ya want me to try to find something for you?" Florida was antsy. He wanted to have some alone time with his boy. The youngest female shrugged. "Nah".

* * *

Tallahassee smirked as he remembered what had caused this whole ordeal. Columbus was still trying to get his face back to a normal color, it looked adorable. The redneck instantly wanted to punch himself. He did NOT think words like "adorable".

"Yeah well, I hope you're happy! Wichita won't even speak to me anymore. What possessed you do that anyway!?" Columbus shrieked. Florida gave him a look that quickly took away the younger's bold attitude. "Um...I mean...sorry..." Ohio amended. The alpha male rolled this question around in his head. How would he answer this?

"Alright Spit-Fuck, the reality is that I'm not to keen on that chick. You see when a man claims another man it's rude for some bitch to think that she owns said man." Columbus had the most confused look of his face that Tallahassee had ever seen, apparently his wise way of explaining the situation was lost on Ohio.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm fuckin talking about the fact that you're mine!" Columbus recoiled as though he had been hit.

"I'm not yours..."

"The hell you're not. You belong to me! You are my bitch! Do you want to know something? Wichita fakes it every time you have sex! All she does is keep you near her and I'm sick of it!" The college student stared as the redneck ranted. He couldn't believe that this was what the cowboy wanted to talk to him about. It was a pretty big blow to his ego but he had suspected that Wichita had been faking for a while now, yet whenever he asked her about it she would deny it.

"Are you jealous!?" Columbus blurted out without thinking. Tallahassee let out a growl at that word. He didn't get jealous he was just...emotionally frustrated. The hummer screeched to a stop. Instead of being yelled at and hit Ohio was surprised when he was pulled into the older's lap and passionately kissed. He nervously began to try and get away before he felt something poking into his thigh. He supposed that he should try and enjoy it despite feeling horribly conflicted. Did Wichita even want him anymore? She sure didn't act like it and here was the kick ass cowboy, who was every girls fantasy kissing him. What the hell.

Tallahassee couldn't help the smirk that came to his face as he felt Columbus opening up for him. The redneck thrust up, making his clothed shaft hit the younger's steadily hardening one. A gasp was heard between the kissing lips. Tallahassee steadily began to move his hand under his bitch's shirt, which made Columbus thrust back down. The phobia ridden teen shivered as he felt the alpha male's hot lips move from his face to behind his ear. He would have never guessed the he would like to be bit but oh did he ever. A blush formed on the ex college student when he realized that he was making sounds that he thought only a loud whore could make. A squeak exited him as he was suddenly pushed into the backseat, where he was lying down.

"Tell me you're mine." A lust filled voice demanded. Ohio shivered at the command. He was already missing the other's presecence. His body was tight with arousal. He wasn't really thinking when he answered automatically.

"I'm yours." With that response Columbus found himself stripped of his shirt. He couldn't take his eyes off of Tallahassee's pure muscle. He vaguely wondered if the older would be mad if he felt him. The redneck met his eyes with a smirk, which made the shut in instantly blush. Columbus felt his hand being guided to touch the alpha male's manhood. The other hand was busy pulling off the redneck's shirt and unbuttoning his pants. Columbus moaned as he felt lips nipping down his torso. The younger continued to rub up and down Tallahassee's length. He looked down from his lust induced state as he felt the alpha male's breath over his clothed crotch. The ex-college student's voice caught in his throat as the older began to seductively pull down the zipper with his teeth.

The younger felt the rough material of his jeans slide down his hips before he let out a scream of pleasure. There was Tallahassee bent over him licking his hole. Columbus wanted to protest, this couldn't be sanitary, but his voice left him as the pleasure overwhelmed his body.

"I'll get you good'n ready." The older purred as he began alternating between licking and fingering the ring of muscle.

"N..no...not....clean...." A growl was heard before Ohio's protests were cut short with a hard kiss. The ex-college student wanted to cringe as he remembered where that tongue just was, but before he could complain he let out a scream at being unprepared for the penetration.

"Sorry Spit-Fuck." Tallahassee softly whispered as he began licking at his bitch's neck to distract him. Columbus took quick breaths to ease the pain, after about five minutes Ohio was beginning to get used to the intrusion. The redneck seemed to sense this as he asked.

"Ready?" Ohio nodded and the cowboy began to slowly ride the younger. Now, this wasn't Tallahassee's first rodeo, he knew where to hit and how fast to go and he was using all of that information to drive Columbus wild. The phobia ridden teen couldn't help but compare how hot and passionate Tallahassee was to Wichita. When he and Wichita had sex it was same ol' same ol'. The cowboy let out a lustful growl as he felt Ohio's nails did into his back. He just loved the sounds of pleasure that his bitch was making. The younger survivalist was still inexperienced so it wasn't long before he came. Tallahassee didn't hold it against him though, he knew that from listening to Wichita. This knowledge didn't stop from pounding the younger's ass until he got his release. Columbus tensed up as he felt the cum gushing into him and let out a noise of disgust as he felt it escaping.

Tallahassee chuckled after he caught his breath and he felt around for some of those wet naps that Columbus was so insistant that he keep in the hummer. The out of breath teen felt himself blush at the situation he was in. He had never intended to have sex with the redneck and he didn't know what would come of this but it was nice that Tallahassee was cleaning him up. He wondered if the redneck had ever taken the time to clean any of his other partners up. If he wasn't so tired he would have been mortified at the action.

"Now listen, you're mine, got it? You're not going to leave me and I'm not going to allow you to leave me. I'm not going to do anything that makes you want to leave me. After Buck I don't think I could handle another person I care about going away. The day I die is the day you are no longer mine." Tallahassee said this with such a serious firm tone that it made Columbus want to instantly agree. Yes, he felt some fear at the statement because let's face it, it was possessive and stalkerish but Ohio liked to think that that was the only way the older knew how to communicate.

"Yeah, I got it." The younger sleepily replied.

"Good, now go to sleep. I'll wake you when we get back." The cowboy said as he threw a blanket over his submissive. Tallahassee quickly put on his clothes. He allowed himself a moment to be sentimental when he heard snoring from the back seat. There was his reason for living and he would survive as long as he has Ohio to protect.

He wasn't all the surprised when he went back to the mattress outlet to see that Little Rock and Wichita had taken the second car and were gone.

* * *

Lol, yup this is what I was doing when I should have been writing a music report! Oh, I can't deny the call of yaoidom! Hoped you enjoyed it!

End file.

His by demonlifehealer


The Art of Lying

**Title: **The Art of Lying.

**Fandom: **Zombieland.

**Author: **Awesomesauce123.

**Summary: **Tallahassee realizes Columbus's tale about the girl in the back of the FedEx truck is B.S. He decides to teach the ex-college student a little about telling lies.

**Author's Note: **I have officially become obsessed with _Zombieland. _Tallahassee, Columbus, and Little Rock were the shit. I could do without Wichita and her bitchiness, but whatever. The movie was still one of the best I've ever seen.

_"Where's the fuckin' Twinkies?!" "This Twinkie thing is not over." "Shitfuck!" _

-snortgiggle-

* * *

"Bullshit."

Tallahassee's southern twang sliced through the silence that had fallen over the Cadillac like a knife sliding through butter. His voice was loud and impatient, edged with a disbelieving growl.

Columbus lifted his head. He had been studying the denim of his pant leg for almost five minutes, and the sudden sound of the older man's frigid voice raised the hairs on the back of his neck. His brown eyes were wide with surprise as he gazed up at Tallahassee, whose own pale blue eyes were narrowed with suspicion beneath the brim of his cowboy hat.

"What?" the lanky teenager asked, not quite sure what to make of the abrupt insult.

Tallahassee sighed and glared over at Columbus from the corner of one slanted eye. "I said it's bullshit. The FedEx thing. You gotta think I'm some kind o' spit-fuck if you expect me to believe that a scrawny little weasel like you can bed a woman in the back of a goddamned FedEx truck." The Cadillac slowed as Tallahassee swiveled his head around to peer suspiciously at the ex-college student.

Ohio shrugged. He winced when he felt his shoulders tremble with supressed fear under the probing stare of the ragtag zombie hunter. Eyes wide with what he hoped looked like innocent confusion, Columbus said in a shaky voice, "I-I have no idea what you're talking about. Of course I was telling the truth."

The sound of Tallahassee's sudden, vicious laughter caused Columbus to jump in his seat. The seatbelt cut into his chest. Tallahassee continued to laugh, until the malicious and grotesque sound raised goose flesh along Ohio's thin arms. Tallahassee's laughter was loud and long and startling, and it continued until the older man ran out of breath and was able to turn his wild eyes back to the deserted, scarlet-splattered road ahead.

"You serious, you lil' spit-fuck? I must seem like a fuckin' dumbshit, if you still think I believe that bull." He sounded wild and serious, an odd combination that caused the fine hairs along Columbus's arms to stand erect with nervous tension.

Columbus sank his teeth into his lower lip and twirled the string suspended from his jacket lapel between his thumb and index finger - both nervous habits he had acquired as a child.

He realized that Tallahassee had sounded surprisingly sure of himself. Columbus wondered if his little white lie had really been that shallow and transparent.

As though Florida could read his thoughts, he glanced back at Ohio and said seriously, "You are fuckin' horrible at lyin', ya know."

Columbus blanched and turned to stare at him. "How do you even know it's a lie?" he asked. There was only a brief moment of time in which Columbus was able to mull over where the sudden spurt of confidence had come from, before Tallahassee burst into another round of wild and unsteady laughter.

"What's that s'posed to mean? Did you really think you were tellin' me somethin' believable? Trust me, ya weren't."

Columbus sighed. He could already tell that the time he and Tallahassee would spend together in the future was going to be tense and angry and odd.

When Tallahassee calmed down enough to reply, he glanced back at Ohio and said, "Ya know, I think ya need a lil' lesson in the wonderful art o' lyin'."

Columbus stared over at the ragtag zombie slayer with awe written plainly across his face. It was replaced not a second later by the expression of suspicion that rolled like ominous stormclouds over his thin face.

"What do you mean? Why would I need to be taught how to lie?"

Tallahassee rolled his eyes, but continued to focus on the long and empty stretch of road spread out before them. "Listen here, kid, I didn't ask to play Twenty Questions with ya. I just think ya need to learn how to tell a believable lie." He sounded so serious, so grave and sure, that Columbus wasn't able to conjure up a suitable comeback after a minute of scrambling around for one.

He settled for short and simple, instead. "All right." Then, out of paranoia more than true fear, he added, "But no funny business. I don't need to get my butt killed just because you think I have to learn how to lie."

Tallahassee only laughed.

***

Almost two minutes later, Columbus turned a heated glare on a grinning Tallahassee.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked. He nearly blushed when he heard the faint tremor of embarrassment in his own voice.

Tallahassee only chuckled. "Please. Don't act like a lil' spit-fuck just 'cause I think you need to keep lyin' about yer sex life."

Columbus bristled.

"I do not need to lie about my sex life!"

"Uh, yeah, ya do."

Ohio threw himself back in the passenger seat and glared up at the padded ceiling of the Cadillac. He realized it was a childish move, but he could think of nothing better to do. The only other option available was to get into a screaming match with the man in the driver's seat. But Columbus could only visualize how that would end: not prettily.

"Aw, come on, kid. Don't sit over there an' pout. That just makes ya seem like an even bigger pussy," Tallahassee quipped in a manically cheerful voice.

Columbus continued to glare up at the padded car ceiling.

From the driver's seat, Florida snorted and shook his head. Columbus found himself wondering selfconsciously if the ragtag zombie slayer was thinking of how stupid and childish he was. The irrational thought caused an odd sort of embarrassed flutter to begin in the pit of Columbus's stomach. He straightened slightly in the passenger seat, bringing selfconscious brown eyes back to the blood-stained pavement stretched like an endless, yellow-and-black ribbon ahead of the Cadillac.

Tallahassee glanced at the scrawny ex-college student from the corner of one pale, averted eye. The edges of those critical, wild blue irises were edged with red veins. Sleep deprivation, Columbus's mind murmured as he looked over the stubble-lined face of his "partner."

"Damnit, kid, would ya just let me tell ya somethin' useful? Fuck, I don't think I ever saw someone as bitchy as you," Tallahassee growled.

Columbus, startled, looked up at the older man with wide brown eyes and a slack jaw. Then he caught sight of the wild spark in Florida's eyes, along with the sharp grin, and he felt a sigh of relief escape his lungs. He may have looked scary and rugged and wild, but at least Tallahassee didn't look angry.

Ohio, with a grave smile and a roll of his eyes, slumped back in his seat and replied, "Why the hell not."

A spark of emotion that could almost be called respect flickered through Tallahassee's averted eyes. But then he was grinning and shifting the Cadillac into reverse, howling with triumph and laughter as he drove back over the face of a motionless zombie and its mutilated brains painted the pavement a wretched shade of red.

***

"So... you're telling me that I need to lie often?" Columbus's voice was timid and unsure after listening to a ten minute lecture on the proper form of lying.

Tallahassee sighed and scrubbed a big hand over his face. "No, kid. I'm tellin' ya that it makes life a hell of a lot easier if ya know when and how to lie."

Columbus nodded slowly. "So, basically, I just need to learn how to spin a believable tale without hesitation," he quoted from Tallahassee's serious speech.

"And who to base it off of," Tallahassee added, although he seemed relieved that the lanky teenager had at least gotten half of it right.

Again, Ohio nodded. His eyes were distant and glassy, but he took in every word Florida said with intense obedience. That was just the way the ex-college student learned. He traveled to a far and undiscovered land on the outside, but inside he was attuned to every syllable the speaker uttered. That had been how he listened in college, and that was how it was going to stay.

"So," Tallahassee said, and cracked his knuckles. "What would ya say if I asked ya who ya've laid in the past month?"

Columbus mulled over this for a few seconds. Then he put on a fake grin and replied, "Everyone from Andrea to Zoe."

Tallahassee laughed, the loud and wild chuckles that Columbus had quickly grown used to. "That was a good start, ya lil' spit-fuck."

Ohio smiled back. He had realized five minutes into Tallahassee's little lecture that he and the man were never really going to get along, but at least it seemed that they were able to establish mutual agreements of some sort.

"Thanks."

"Okay..." Tallahassee seemed to mull over what to say next, which piqued Columbus's interest a little. He had labeled Tallahassee as the sort of person to jump head-first into a conversation. No preperations, no caution, no care. Just a great and valiant leap into the convo. But now he gripped the steering wheel of the Cadillac in one hand, stroked his chin with the other, and seemed to prepare what he was going to say to the patiently waiting teenager.

Finally, a familiar and wicked grin rolled across Florida's tanned face. Columbus flinched as Tallahassee turned the cunning expression on him.

"Well, since ya seem so proud o' yourself over there, how 'bout a tricky one?"

Columbus paused. Then, bracing himself, he nodded confidently up at the older zombie hunter.

Tallahassee's smile grew. "All right. So, what would ya say if I was to ask what yer last fuck looked like?"

Ohio winced. Tallahassee had warned him about questions like this. If you were too vague with the answer, the listener wouldn't believe you. If you were too vivid with detail, the listener still wouldn't believe you.

_Put detail into the important stuff, not the lil' shit like eyes and hair. We don't want 'em thinkin' yer a damn pussy. Tell 'em 'bout tits and legs and asses. Ya might actually convince 'em, spit-fuck. _

That was how the ever-wise Tallahassee had so cleverly worded it. But now Columbus realized he was probably right. If Columbus could judge most guys on the ones he had known at college, all they would need to know was the bra size, the length of legs, and the shape of backsides.

So he put on his brave face, twisted to face the grinning driver, and said in his most calm and even voice, "Double D, the most real I'd ever seen. Legs all long and golden and flexible. And her ass was so round and so full, I'd bet money she could've poll danced with a tequila shot balanced on the sucker." Fresh color threatened to spill across Columbus's face, but he held his composure and plastered on a plastic grin as Tallahassee glanced over at him.

Florida looked the most serious Columbus had seen him all day. His eyes were narrowed and critical, the pale blue surrounded by red-stitched white. His mouth was a tight and grim line. His brows were furrowed in the shadow cast by the brim of his cowboy hat.

Then, in less time than it would have taken to snap his fingers, Tallahassee's calculating expression melted away and was replaced by one of the most genuine grins Columbus had ever seen on his face.

Columbus let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding as Tallahassee burst into another round of southern-tinged laughter. He slapped his palm down on the leather steering wheel and tossed his head back, not bothering to pay attention to the desolate stretch of road ahead. No cars to worry about in Zombieland. Well, except for the sleek black Cadillac that swerved dangerously along the red-splotched pavement and into overgrown fields with every fresh bout of laughter that issued from Tallahassee's lips.

"Ya know, kid, now ya can actually say ya learned somethin' useful."

Columbus smiled and tilted his head back wordlessly against the passenger seat headrest. In the distance, he could see the tarnished edge of a late evening sun, nearly hidden by the line of tall and emerald-topped trees set along the horizon. A coppery orange cresent gleamed from over the tops of the leafy giants.

Tallahassee, in an abrupt burst of affection, reached over and clapped his big palm on Columbus's shoulder.

Columbus could only close his eyes and smile. The feeling of Tallahassee's warm palm through his jacket made Columbus think of a father he had never had. It made him think of missed baseball games and sun-filled days that could have been spent playing the park. It made him think of sunshine and warmth and love, something he had never before given much thought to.

Columbus grinned and turned to glance over at a smiling Tallahassee.

The art of lying truly proved useful.

_Fin. _

* * *

**_So. As you can tell, this argument took them well past the grocery store they stopped at in the movie. Little Rock and Wichita are nonexistent in this fic. So no bitching. The only reason that is so is because, as much as I love Little Rock, I didn't want the complication of writing the girls into this. They'll just have to wait for the text Twinkie-loving, manical cowboy to come looking for a Hostess treat. _**

**_Hope you enjoyed! _**

**_~AS123_**

End file.

The Art of Lying by Awesomesauce123


Sigh No More

**Title:** Sigh No More**
Author:** Nanashi Angel**
Date:** 11 December, 2010
**Catagory:** Zombieland**
Genre:** Angst/Hurt-Comfort/General**
Rating:** 'T'**
Warnings:** Slash, OOC-ness**
Summary:** It's only at night, when he's plagued by the insomnia that's followed him for his entire life, that he wonders. . .**
Disclaimer:** I do not own Zombieland, nor do I own the ideas or characters associated with Zombieland. This is not for profit, merely pleasure.

* * *

It's always nighttime when he wonders. During the day they are busy; running, scavenging. . . surviving. It's only when it's dark out, when he's lying wrapped in Tallahassee's arms listening to the night that he wonders. It's only when he's plagued by the same insomnia that has dogged his steps his entire life that he has time to wonder.

He wonders. . . if the time comes that he's the only one left, he'll be able to do what Tallahassee did. ('_When'_, his subconscious mind prods. When, because he's not near as optimistic as everyone, including himself, would like to believe.)

Will he be able to drive down the road in an old, beaten down truck (older than he is), with a bottle of bourbon in the seat next to him? Will he stop, and pick up that young boy, or girl, and drag them along?

Maybe he'll say, _'Call me Columbus. Columbus, Ohio. No names. Just where you're going or where you're from.'_

He decides that if (when) asked, he'll say, _'They killed him.' _

_'Killed who?'_

_'My dog. My Tallahassee. He was the most loyal and protective dog a man could have. He saved my live, and in return? They ripped him to shreds, and his pup, Buck, too.'_

And maybe he'll mention something like, _'My cats. Wichita, and Little Rock. Well, Rockie was more of a kitten really.'_ Because, all truth be told, Little Rock was too sneaky to be a pup, and Wichita was more vicious than any wildcat he'd ever heard tale of.

He then wonders where he'd end up taking them. Would they just travel the country randomly, or would they have a destination in mind? He somehow knows that he would never stop searching for Twinkies, because even if he dislikes (hates) them now, they were Buck's favorites, then Tallahassee's. _'And it's okay'_, he decides, '_because Tallahassee disliked (hated) Twinkies once, too.'_

He wonders how long he'll last, traveling with the neurotic boy, or the spitfire girls. How long until he just can't go on anymore. Becuase he knows it won't be forever, or even as long as it would have been before the apocalypse. He doesn't know if it'll be zombies, but he thinks it's more likely that he'll just give up. Because he knows, that unlike Tallahassee, there won't be a Columbus to save him from himself.

Because if Tallahassee goes, there won't be anything left to save.

* * *

"Ohio? Why're ya still 'wake?" Tallahassee's sleep rough voice pulls him back from his thoughts. "Wichita 'n Rock've got tha watch."

"I was just thinking. I'm sorry if I woke you." He cuddles deeper into the warm arms of his lover.

Tallahassee just snorts. "There'll be time for thinkin' in tha car t'morrow. Sleep now, dammit. I ain't goin' nowhere." Columbus just smiles as his eyes slide shut, sleep finally sneaking in as a thought comes to him.

"Love you, Tallah."

"Love ya too, Collie."

_'It doesn't matter what I think'_, he tells himself as he slips into his first real sleep in days. _'Because it was decided the moment I got into that truck. Where Tallahassee goes, so do I. So I'll just have to make sure he stays right here, where he belongs. . .' _

* * *

**The End**

**A/N: **I know it's not much, but it came to mind and wouldn't leave me alone. So here it is. Drop a line and let me know what you think!

**Nanashi**

End file.

Sigh No More by Nanashi-Angel


ZOMBIE HUNTER part 3

ZOMBIE HUNTER part 3

A squad of 20 troops and 7 scientists with 1 tank tried again but meanwhile Max snuck through the back and set charge. They found notes but they were incorrect and the place was useless so they blew it up. Zombies killed everyone but Max and Zack who got out were stuck in zombieland where they found a way out and got a new mission to set a gate inside the world of zombies so they can get more room for research.

End file.

ZOMBIE HUNTER part 3 by LoganNOVELZ101


Killing Columbus

Killing Columbus by patricia51

(Wichita is going to kill Columbus. If she can just lure him into reach. Fourth in my Columbus/Wichita Z-Land series following "Perfect". Wichita's POV.)

"Come back here you little scrawny son-of-a bi... awwwwwwwwwwwwwww." Damn that HURT! I glare at Columbus. Glare? I thought for sure he would drop dead on the spot. I know I don't have a laser stare of death but the way I feel right now it should be fatal. I try to increase the intensity, hoping at least the look will get strong enough to sear off his pecker. I deserve that much at least.

My concentration is broken by another wave and he escapes while I cry out again.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhwwwwwwwwwwwwwww."

I pant for a bit and regain my equilibrium. Okay, the glare isn't working. I need to try something else. I take a second to rake my sweat-soaked hair out of my eyes and smile the sweetest, most loving smile I can muster at him. The one that started as grateful thanks that I developed for gas station attendants when they promise to send my engagement ring back to me, further honed to disarm suspicious cops and hotel clerks and yes, genuinely and sincerely perfected for Columbus.

That staggers him. I knew it would. It's staggered him in the past, most notably last fall when finally he stopped fainting and we both stopped falling asleep. We both declared it would be a night that we would remember forever. Well, that'll teach me to have unforgettable nights.

He comes closer. Yes, I'm reeling him in. Encouraged by Tallahassee and Memphis he reaches for the trembling hand I beseechingly stretch out to him. Closer I urge him, just a little closer. I visualize just exactly how I will twine my fingers with his, how I will squeeze his hand, then draw him to me and then just exactly how I will RIP his arm off at the shoulder and beat him to death with it I feel it hits me again. And this one makes all the previous ones together feel like nothing at all.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

When I come back to the world around me Columbus has jumped back. Way back. I have to admire someone who can cover ten feet in one backwards move. It's not leaping tall buildings but it really is quite an impressive single bound.

Wait a minute; wait just one minute. He's coming back. Part of it might be Tallahassee telling him to "Nut up or shut up you little spitfuck; you got her into this you need to help her now". Part of it might be Memphis telling him to "get over here NOW! It's time." Yes it's time, time for me to finish him off once and for all. But something about his deliberate, calm approach makes me hesitate even as he comes into range. Then he's taking my hand and sitting down on the stool next to the bed. He leans over and kisses my forehead.

Oh that's no fair! He can't do it. He can't make me forget my plan. He can't make me not tell him how much I hate him; how he never, ever, EVER going to touch me again. I lose myself in those deep brown eyes and they never flinch even though I bet that I'm squeezing his hand so hard that I'm afraid he might permanently lose feeling in it. But it helps as the worst one of all crashes in on me and Memphis yells for me to push. I do and it feels like strength is coming through our hands from him to me and I push harder than I have in my entire life.

And then...

"Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Oh my god, oh my GOD it's done. And Memphis wraps the little pink bundle in a blanket and gives it to me.

"Congratulations you two. You have a healthy baby girl."

Memphis and Tallahassee are both smiling although their smiles are tinged with the memory of happiness lost. Of course judging from how big she is now it won t be long before they are parents again. Little Rock is jumping up with Dallas and down screaming "I'm an aunt, I'm an aunt!" Taos is just watching everyone with his brow furrowed as he tries to make sense of what is going on. But he's old enough to climb up on a chair on my other side and look at our new arrival.

"Baby," he says confidently.

I look at our daughter. I look at Columbus. And my body feels as spent as it ever has and I've never been happier in my entire life. When Columbus leans over again I kiss him.

"I love you," I whisper. I paused for a moment and thought. "But you STILL may never get to touch me again."

(The End)

(A quickie to be sure I know. The idea came to me looking through old pictures and coming across one taken right after my first child (also a girl) was born. I'm sitting up in bed with her in my arms and my husband next to me looking as pooped as though he did all the work himself. Men. God bless them. But I nearly DID break his hand and promised him that his sex life was done forever. Since we had three more I obviously didn't keep THAT promise.)

End file.

Killing Columbus by patricia51


I Prefer Bones Over Kirk

Title: I Prefer Bones Over Kirk

Summary: Eight drabbles of the Tallahassee/Columbus sort. SLASH. Includes talks of Buck and Star Trek (Columbus will be, and always has been, a nerd).

Pairings: Tallahassee/Columbus.

Disclaimer: I do not own Zombieland.

I should make it clear that THESE DO NOT HAPPEN IN ORDER. They jump all over the place because it would take effort for me to have them happen in a timeline, and I'm not feeling particularly eager today.

IIIII

._o1_.

"All I'm saying is that Star Trek is a classic," mutters Columbus. "Just because you can't appreciate the subtle nuances of Shatner's performance doesn't mean everyone around you is as ignorant."

"Ignorance has nothin' to do with it. I just find it cheesey, is all," says Tallahassee, looking out the window for any sign of the undead. The two were currently waiting for Wichita and Little Rock to get out of the bathroom of the store. They stood a couple feet away from the ladies bathroom in waiting. "You had a crush on Shatner, didn't you?"

Columbus suddenly refuses to make eye contact.

"I'm right aren't I?" Tallahassee chuckles to himself. "My God, you have horrible taste in men."

"You just insulted yourself, you know," says Ohio flatly. "And I liked Bones better." When he recieves a blank stare in response, he sighs out in addition, "He was the doctor who was pissed off all the time."

"Ah. Remind me why we're havin' this conversation again? I don't give two shits about Star Wars."

"Star _Trek_."

"Whatever."

._o2_.

Wichita glances over at Tallahassee, whom is driving in the midnight hour, and then back at the two sleeping figures in the backseat. Little Rock has her head on Columbus's shoulder, while Columbus's head is lolled back, his mouth slightly open and a serene look on his face. She sighs and turns back, looking at Tallahassee as though she has something to reveal, but opts to face the road instead.

"If you have somethin' to say, say it," Tallahassee grunts.

"Be careful with Columbus," she says, shooting him a glare. "I know you're just fucking with him and I don't like it."

Tallahassee gives her a look that could kill. He then smiles and lets out a soft laugh as though her statement is the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard.

"What are you laughing at?" snaps Wichita. "I don't think this is particularly funny. I care about Columbus and I'm not going to sit by and let you mess around with him. He really likes you, Tallahassee."

"I know the kid adores me," agrees Tallahassee. "And you're just a sore loser."

"Sore los--You have to be kidding me." Wichita shakes her head in disbelief. "He's not some . . . some sort of _prize_ you win at the arcade. He's a human being with a heart."

"I know you're concerned but you're flippin' yer shit over nothing. He's in good hands."

Wichita still looks unconvinced and says as much. "I don't believe you. You probably don't even care about him, do you?"

"Look," says Tallahassee, leaning back in his seat and giving her a sideways glance. "I don't have to explain nothin' to ya. This is between me and him and if ya want to butt yer pretty little head into it, fine. But do not ever, and I mean _ever_, insinuate that I do not care about that kid. You do not want to cross that line, Wichita. It won't be pretty is all I'm sayin'."

Wichita crosses her arms content with the rise she has gotten out of Tallahassee. "That's all I wanted to hear," she mutters. "Just do me a favor and . . . do your best with him. I don't want to see him hurt."

"It doesn't take a lot to hurt him. I can look at him the wrong way and he thinks I hate him," Tallahassee says. "Anyway this is the end of this discussion. Back the fuck off, Wichita, and we'll be fine."

Meanwhile, in the backseat, Columbus smiles.

._o3_.

"This second car idea was brilliant," murmurs Tallahassee into Columbus's skin. His hands play with Columbus's hair while his mouth nibbles on his neck.

Columbus is too far in ecstacy to even agree. He arches his back as Tallahassee reaches the one spot just below his chin that makes him all the more happy that he's with an experienced, older man.

Tallahassee's mouth begins to explore further down to his collarbone. His shirt had been taken off long before so there was no reason for him to momentarily stop what he is doing. He really doesn't want to either; he loves the gasps and soft moans coming out of the bruised mouth of his partner. The fact that its him causing such reactions turns him on beyond belief. He grinds their hips together to cause friction and there's a sharp inhale of breath on Columbus's part.

"O-oh fuck--Tallahassee--fuck, fuck, fuck," breathes Columbus as the older man's mouth reaches his sensitive stomach.

"Yer gonna to have to beg me for more." He runs a hand over the crotch of his jeans lightly tickling the fabric.

"Y-you fucking ba-bastard," says Columbus between gritted teeth. His fingers dig into Tallahasse's forearms almost painfully. "Touch me."

"Where's yer manners?"

"Touch me _please_," he pleads pathetically.

Oh how Tallahassee loves to make him beg.

._o4_.

"Columbus!" cries out Little Rock.

"Shit!" Tallahassee turns around and shoots at the massive hoard following them. A couple of them fall to the ground which gives Columbus enough time to get back up and stumble towards them.

"Get in the Hummer!" shouts Columbus.

"Not without you!" Tallahassee retorts angrily. He begins shooting more zombies as he makes his way towards Columbus, who is hobbling but managing to do it rather quickly.

Meanwhile the girls are shooting at the zombies, hoping to aid the pair in some way.

Tallahassee wraps an arm around Columbus and starts to drag him beside him.

"This isn't going to work," says Ohio, gritting his teeth at the pain in his knee. He can feel the blood dripping down his leg as he puts pressure on it to try and run. The Hummer is atleast thirty feet away and that's when Tallahassee realizes that he's right, this is never going to work.

Tallahassee stops for a moment when he's sure that stopping won't get them overrun with the undead. He puts his gun in its holder on his thigh then he scoops up Columbus in his arms, one arm underneath his knees and the other holding his back and starts to sprint towards the car. If this were a laughing matter he would have burst out in laughter at the startled looks on Wichita and Little Rock's faces, but since he had more urgent things to worry about he got to the Hummer with the two girls in tow.

He shoves Columbus into the passenger seat and says, "Ya really are a pain in my ass."

._o5_.

"The zombie apocalypse happens and ya grab yer _mp3 player_?" questions Tallahassee.

Columbus shrugs. "I need music don't I?"

"Whatever happened to that stupid list of yers? Travel light, wasn't it?"

"It doesn't take up much room at all," counters Columbus. He lifts up a small device no bigger than his pointer finger and pops in a ear phone into his left ear. Then he holds out the other end to Tallahassee. "Up for some music?"

Tallahassee looks as though he's going to refuse, but only for a second, because he grabs the ear bud and puts it into his ear. "We better be listenin' to some good stuff. Put on Willie Nelson."

"Uh . . . I don't _have _Willie Nelson," says Columbus slowly.

"Ya don't have--Boy, you are depraved."

"I have . . . lets see here . . . " He starts clicking through his songs and puts it on 'Beer' by 'Psychostick'. "Here's something you can relate to."

"Hell yeah I love beer. Doesn't stand up to liquor, though, but its still pretty good," says Tallahassee. "Ya need to get drunk some time. I wanna see ya wasted."

"I'm not sure that would be a good idea," chuckles Columbus.

"Oh I just want to see ya plastered and take advantage of the situation."

"As though you don't take advantage of me enough."

Tallahassee smirks at this. "Look at you, tryin' to sound like a victim."

Columbus smirks back. "I suppose it's true. You can't rape the willing."

._o6_.

Tallahassee and Columbus are in the Hummer whilst the girls drive in the Honda behind them. Tallahassee doesn't have to say much of anything, he's content with silence, but Columbus comes out with random crap at the best of times ("Do you think that World of Warcraft would still work?" "Do you really mean it when you call me a bitch? Because I think the many zombies I've slayed would say otherwise.")

Tallahassee doesn't have the heart to tell him to shut the hell up. The kid does ramble on, but it's kind of endearing, in an annoying way. Not that he would ever, ever admit it aloud.

._o7_.

Tallahassee sits on the roof of the Hummer, his makeshift wallet made out of duct tape in his hands, over looking the pictures of his deceased son.

Today would have been his sixth birthday.

But those damned zombies took him away.

Only five years of life. Tallahassee wonders if he loved him enough, showed him how much he cared. Did he die knowing that his daddy loved him as much as anyone could love a person? Did Buck ever realize how much he meant to his father? Tallahassee wasn't usually an emotional person but he likes to think he was a good father. Maybe not the father of the year--if he could take back every time he got angry with Buck, every time he yelled at him, and replace it with a hug or a kiss on the forehead . . .

"Tallahassee?"

Tallahassee's head jerks up and he sees Columbus behind him.

"If you want I can do guard duty now," offers Columbus.

"Nah. You go back and lay down."

Columbus can tell there's something wrong by the tone of his voice. And the moonlight allows him to see something on his face, trails of tears that once were. "Tallahassee are you . . . you're not crying, are you?"

At this point the older man can't contain a sniffle but he does manage to growl, "Now why would I be cryin'? You're the bitch, not me."

"You don't have to be a bitch to cry." Ohio sits down next to his partner and sets a head on his shoulder, inhaling the masculine cologne Tallahassee had picked up at their last stop. "It's okay to cry, sometimes."

Tallahassee hands him the wallet.

Columbus needs no further explanation.

"What's today?"

"It would have been his sixth birthday."

"There's really nothing I could say to take away your pain," whispers Columbus. "But I am sorry. And for what it's worth, I think you made a really good father."

"And how would ya know anythin' about that?" sneers Tallahassee.

"Because I see the look in your eyes everytime you look at his photograph," he replies, handing the wallet back. "And nothing says a good father like the look of love in his eyes."

Tallahassee swings and arm around Columbus and brings him in close and doesn't say a word. He communicates his thanks through a kiss on the lips, and that it all he needs to convey "thank you."

._o8_.

"I think you're both really cute together," says Little Rock one evening to Columbus as they turn on the gas stove. They're currently residing in a two story home where there's some good food, for once.

"Well, thank you," says Columbus softly. "We don't make you uncomfortable?"

"No. Of course not. As long as you're happy." The twelve year old puts the eggs in the boiling water. "I haven't had boiled eggs in a long time. They're one of my favorites."

"Is . . . is Wichita really angry?" reluctantly asks Columbus. He's been dreading asking this ever since he and Tallahassee were accidentaly found out.

"Angry about what?"

"About Tallahassee and I."

"Oh. Well . . . um, she's jealous. She doesn't know what you see in him. What _do _you see in him by the way? I mean, he's nice and he does a good job of protecting us but he's so . . . "

"Mean? Spiteful?"

"Yeah, those," she says with a laugh.

"I guess you haven't seen the side that I have. I can't explain it. It's--it's something great, is all I can say."

Little Rock rolls her eyes. "You sound like a teenage girl."

Columbus smiles widely. "You're going to feel the same way someday, Little Rock."

"Yeah right. I'm never going to find a decent guy in this godforsaken world," she scoffs.

"That's my little cynical sister alright," says Wichita as she enters the kitchen, holding up a _Wizard _magazine dated two years ago. She hands it to Columbus with a delicate smile. "I figured you'd want to read it, you big nerd."

"Thanks." Columbus stands there for a moment, trying to figure out if theres something he wants to say or needs to get out, but he ultimately leaves the kitchen to join Tallahassee in the front room, leaving Wichita as lonely as she was before.

IIIII

IF ONLY I WERE A SLINKY SAYS:

I am not dead, see? SEE? I LIIIIIVE!

Well. Anyway.

I find that Columbus would be a big nerd, therefore the Star Trek reference. I swear its not because I'm obsessed with Star Trek right now. It's not because I love nu!Bones. Or that I have a strange infatuation with nu!Chekov. No. No way.

Reviews would be fantastic. I can see you, sitting there with your Cheeto-stained fingers, wiping them on your new white shirt even though your mother always tells you not to, but you're a rebel so you do it anyway. Yeah, you. You review because you love me. Or tell me you hated it I don't really care right now I'm going to go watch Star Trek.

End file.

I Prefer Bones Over Kirk by If Only I Were A Slinky


Breaking Glass

_**Breaking Glass**_**
By Tyloric**

_Story Lottery Prompt #17: A Mayfly_

It didn't register at first.

It was like when you drop something made of glass on the ground. You _see _it falling, as if it was in slow motion. You know long before it hits the ground that it's going to shatter into pieces, even though in that brief span of time you're trying to react and make sure that _doesn't _happen.

That's what was going through Tallahassee's mind. He saw the undead mother fucker coming at him; a teenager, face bloodied beyond recognition, wearing a grocery store apron. A fucking _apron. _

But he was to close, just too fucking _close. _He didn't have time to react. He saw it coming, the glass breaking in front of him as he raised his arm instinctually.

And sunk his teeth nicely into his forearm. He gritted his teeth, pulled his hand gun from his side, and blew the bastards brains out at the temple.

But it was too late.

It was done.

Over.

Tick, tock, goes the clock.

End file.

Breaking Glass by Tyloric


The Perfect Place

So for the meantime they had decided to settle in a little theatre in Wyoming. The owner, whose bones were once rotting in the basement but were now buried outside, had once been one of those nut jobs who had known the end of the world was coming and had planned for every eventuality. The end though had come and instead of using all his perfectly planned methods of surviving the apocalypse, he had instead committed suicide with a box of sleeping pills.

The theatre also had a huge supply of, to Tallahassee's glee, Twinkies all nice and packed in a freezer. Between those and the numerous locks on all the doors the place was perfect. Tallahassee had been about to start shooting at the sky again and when Columbus had tried to stop him, Tallahassee had picked him up and kissed him. The older man hadn't thought much of it but Columbus had blushed for ages.

On another completely different note, old habits seem to die hard when Wichita and Little Rock had once again stolen their car, weapons and escalating to their clothes so they wouldn't be followed. Tallahassee had not been amused and even he had to write in his tiny little book of rules, don't trust pretty female con artists.

He didn't think he would find another pretty girl out here in Zombieland that would be even mildly interested in him but it was always worth a note when he'd almost gotten eaten going into a shop naked and with only a crowbar he'd picked off the street for protection. He had been looking for some clothes for him and Tallahassee who covered up with his cowboy hat the girls had let him keep for sentimental reasons.

Not that Columbus could blame them. Taking Tallahassee's cowboy hat would have been cruel even in Zombieland, along with if they had taken his wallet with the pictures of his son. However since they hadn't Tallahassee had decided not to follow them and had drove in the opposite direction in their new SUV, the 3 bold on the side.

"You're thinking too much again, spitfuck."Tallahassee complained. There was this cool second floor attic where they could pull up the ladders so they were triply safe. No zombie could climb. They were both trying to sleep and had dragged mattresses up here which was exhausting but worth the comfort. He still couldn't sleep though.

Tallahassee had kissed him and he was pretty sure he'd caught Tallahassee looking at him when they'd both been naked. He was trying to work out whether the older man was attracted to him and how he'd feel if he was. Tallahassee though punched him in the arm hard and he yelped in pain. "I told you to stop thinking."

Rubbing his arm and muttering curses Columbus finally got the courage to ask. "Tallahassee, do you like me?"

"Wow, you really are a little bitch aren't you?" Tallahassee joked.

"No, I mean..."

"I swear to god above if you say like, like I'm gonna throw you out that window without opening it." Tallahassee growled and Columbus swallowed hard. He'd gotten that totally wrong then. Not only was he not gay but he seemed to be a homophobe. He should really have expected it with Tallahassee being a red neck that had had a kid.

He suddenly realised that if Tallahassee hated him now he could be as good as dead, or even worse he might end up alone again. He didn't want that to happen, he didn't think he could handle that. Him panicking silently was apparently even louder than him thinking loudly as Tallahassee sighed and made his way across the room.

"Hey," Columbus heard him whisper more gently than he'd ever heard before. He moved Columbus to give him room to lay down next to him. Columbus was surprised when Tallahassee kissed him in one long chaste kiss. He looked at the older man surprised."Now stop being a little bitch and go to sleep. We have a long day watching movies and eating Twinkies tomorrow so you better not ruin it with your whiny talk okay?!"

Columbus grinned and nodded but despite Tallahassee's macho act he wasn't the one who was cuddling the other in the end.

End file.

The Perfect Place by Dreamsparkle


Back seat

** (not yet beta)**

The small standoff between the two of them lasted a minute if that, the smaller one of the two was shaking as he pointed his guns at the larger man before he stuck you his thumb, the man with the cowboy hat nodded towards his truck. Sitting in the truck driving down the longest and loneliest road that Columbus has seen in a while he was happy that the big man next to him gave him a lift, well he was happy for a short time.

Tallahassee drove them into a little area that was quiet "What have we stopped, this is the middle of nowhere?" Columbus said, the engine was turned off as the cowboy looked at him

"Listen Spit-fuck you are the first living thing in a while and I have needs that need to be met."

"W...What are you saying you want me to give you a happy ending, before you take me where I want to go?" he asked

"Yeah that's the gist." He said looking him up and down "But the happy ending you're on about it not the one I want, I want the full working." He grins at the 25 year old,

"No!"

"Then get out." He said looking at him

"Wh...What you can't? You can't make become a rent boy just for a lift?"

"I didn't say you become a rent boy. Look I just need an out let okay and I am sure you could do with one."

"I'm not gay!" he cried out as he banged his head against the dash bored

"Neither am... I wasn't before this but needs to be met." Columbus looked around at him and blinked

"Would you really kick me out of this truck?" he asked his a soft voice, the larger man looked back out to the road in front of them

"Narrrr, I won't do that if you said no." He said, now thinking he won't be getting anything to help him to let go

"Alright alright I will do it, b...but you have promises me that you will take me home?" he said

"If you got a home to go back to, then sure." Tallahassee tells him.

And that is how Columbus in the back seat of Tallahassee truck, his mouth around the older man's cock in his mouth and his oiled fingers buried in his arse; he let out a moan as he felt the fingers wiggle deep inside of him "Ahhh that's a good boy, you're doing just fine." He moaned as he leaned his head back and placed his free hand on his head pushing the curly hair boy's head down, (I know he is not a boy) making his cock slide deeper into Columbus throat making him gag as he felt the fingers brush across prostate making him cry out around older man's cock "AHHHAHHA god yeah!" he cried out as he came down his throat.

Pulling himself free Columbus looked at Tallahassee, his cock was still hard and standing tall but his face showed his was blessed out, opening his eyes he looked at the younger male, he had tears running down his face as he looked back at him "Too much?"

"I couldn't breathe." He said hoarsely,

"Oh come on I told you it's been a while."

"You could have killed me!" he said, the grin on Tallahassee face made Columbus shiver as the older man still had his finger's inside of him and pushed them in deeper "AAAH GOD!" 25 year old cried as he doubled over as he felt the fingers twist and turn inside of him making him cry out and moan as Tallahassee kept moving his fingers

"Virgins you are to tender for your own good." He smiled wider as he felt his cock twitch as he watched the younger man buck into his fingers "So what do you say are you going to sit and saddle?"

"Y...Yes!" he moaned as he looked up at him with lust blown eyes.

Licking his lips again he pulled the younger man into his lap "Wait wait!" Columbus said "I never did this before." He whispered

"It's fine, yes there will be a bit of pain but just slide down." He tells him as helped him slide down onto his cock

"Holy shit fuck!" Columbus gasped as he sat there his chest rising and falling his heart beating fast as held his eyes closed

"Shhhhh just relax." The older man said rubbing his hips

"It's hurts." He said thought gritted teeth

"First always does." He tells him, as he moves to lay in down on the back seat "There this is better." He smiled as he moved his hand lower and started to stroke his half hard cock.

Columbus gasp and moaned as he tried to stay still as the older guy pumps his cock trying to get him hard again. It worked a couple of moments later he was hard and weeping pre cum on his stomach, his hips started bucking against the large member making his cry out as he feels it shift into him. Columbus started rocking into the into him making him gasp "More" he moaned to Tallahassee as the man started pull his hips out and drive them back in,

"So tight!" Tallahassee said as he started fucking him faster and faster into the back seat, poor Columbus was holding onto the seat as much as he could, his mind was so far gone he couldn't remember his rule for surviving the new world. Moan's and grunts filled the car as the older man took the younger one "God damn it gonna cum Columbus!" he yelled as he pumped he younger man's cock more to get him to cum to, soon enough they both cried out as their climax, hitting them hard Columbus twitched as he felt his orgasm ripple though him, he arched his back and screamed as Tallahassee just talked "Take it! Milk me that milk me!" he said as he thrust his hips more until he stops and pulled out and sat back. The quiet in the truck drifted the only thing could be hard was their breathing trying to get back under control "Damn that was good."

"Y...Yeah." came the horsed reply, his hurt like help and he felt shaky evening laying there

"Going to do that again soon."

Hour later they are driving down the road, Columbus sleeping in the passenger side with Tallahassee jacket over him as the cowboy drove looking for his damn twinkies while thinking about the next time he can have the little spit-fuck again, a bump woke the kid up and he looked at the man driving "Can we stop?" he asked

"Sure where?"

"I need something to eat and a toilet." He said shifting he could still feel Tallahassee cum coming out of his arse

"Good idea I'm hungry myself."

End file.

Back seat by Kindred01


Straight and Arrow

Tallahasse sighed as he drove on in his hummer. The music blaring out loudly but he did not care; it was the only thing to keep him company from this fucking loneliness.

He carefully unscrewed a bottle of whiskey with one hand and poured it into a cup and slowly drank it whilst keeping an eye on the road. It was sunny and he rolled the window down, letting the fresh air in.

The world was cruel and he was a lonely man.

He wished everything was back to fucking normal and that he hadn't lost them, but he knew he had and he knew the world wouldn't be normal after this.

Nothing would ever be normal after this shit hole.

The road was deserted with broken damaged cars that have either been burnt or abandoned by their previous owners before they turned into goddamn crazy bastards.

But he was thankful they have left him enough room to drive through without having to get out and move the cars.

How could of the world gone into this shit hole? How one simple day ruin the world?

His eyes darkened and he looked into the car mirror as he saw the city that he has just left, burned.

Soon the whole towns and cities will be covered in seas of blood. Soon there will be noone left on this fucking planet.

Soon it will be hell.

End file.

Straight and Arrow by SeverusHermioneForever


Zombieland Rules 131

**I started this a while ago. I thought of and arranged these to provide a possible outline of Columbus's adventures, with homages to _Dawn of the Dead_. I have thought about writing out the narrative to go with them, but I think the list alone is more entertaining.**

**Rules of Zombieland 1-31**

Cardio

Beware of bathrooms

Double-tap.

Buckle your seatbelt.

**Run, don't hide.**

**Wear long shirt sleeves and pant legs.**

Travel light.

**Don't stock up on food while hungry.**

**Always check expiration dates.**

**If you must choose between food and bullets, take the bullets. They're harder to find.**

**Don't pass up a chance to stock up on paper towels.**

**Keep quiet and blend in.**

**Knock before entering.**

**If they talk, talk. If they don't talk, shoot.**

**Sleep outdoors.**

**One is safer than one of two.**

**Don't be a hero.**

** Limber up.**

**It's not worth sprinting if you don't have a place to sprint to.**

**Keep an eye out for quality footwear.**

**Know your sizes before you go into a clothing store..**

**Plan your escape.**

**Stay on the ground floor.**

**Beware of malls, department stores and especially department stores in malls.**

**Beware of elevators.**

**Zombies can be evaded by running up a down escalator.**

**Blood pressure machines are death traps.**

**Don't drive a car without checking the fuel gauge.**

**Also check the condition of the tires.**

**Always know where your car keys are.**

**Check the back seat**

End file.

Zombieland Rules 131 by David N. Brown