system
How to treat self destructive behavior in a person?
human
Hi, I ve never talked to anyone about this. Since I can remember I have had secret self destructive tendencies that were not considered as real because they were never part of my shared reality - only I knew about them - like ghosts that I can only see. These patterns have slowly transformed into an untameable beast of destruction that is destroying my life and the lives of who I love. I have a high profile job and appearances that are becoming harder and harder to maintain. - When I was 19, I developed a fetish for being infected with STIs. I used to cry as I couldn t understand why such risk and thought could be sexy. When I was 21 I became HIV positive. When I was 23, I offered various online encounters large sums of money if they would kill me. One of them was close. When I was 24 I developed an attraction for being used like a junkie as a fantasy. I got drunk one night and I met someone online who injected me with crystal meth. When I was 26, my worthless became something that during sex would become sexy. I hated this as much as I hated fantasised about being infected, yet when I was 28 I started to hook up with people who would use me for money. Last year, I would just want people to destroy me and invited people who robbed me and I knew they would. Today, I am 29. I am HIV positive, I take crystal meth by myself and have been robbed by many people. I can assure you that all I have written sounds as disgusting to you that to me. I feel like there are two people living in my body. There is a darker me that overtakes and only knows destruction. All these tendencies have been a secret for many many years. That is why they have been allowed to grow bigger. It hasn t been treated like reality. But I do need help. One can t escape oneself. I am a danger to myself. Please help.
gpt
Hello and Welcome to ‘Ask A Doctor’ service. I have reviewed your query and here is my advice. Self destructive behavior and the symptoms you mention here could be due to psychoses or schizophrenia which needs proper diagnosis and treatment. I suggest you to consult a psychiatrist in person. If you require more of my help in this aspect, please use this URL.  Make sure that you include every minute details possible. Hope this answers your query. Available for further clarifications. Good luck.