system
Having negative thoughts and in depressed. Is this a type of mood disorder?
human
In the past few months I have become increasingly uncomfortable in social situations. I am not depressed, and am perfectly content as long as my routine or daydreaming isn t disturbed. It seems like I m always daydreaming or deep in thought or having hypothetical conversations-brilliant, life-changing things that I believe would dumbfound people if I could communicate the same way in person. It s like I ve forgotten how to socialize. I ve always been shy, but still socially adept and somewhat extroverted after warming up to people. Now I feel resentment toward my own mother when she interrupts my solitude. I even suspect she may do things on purpose like that because she likes to see me uncomfortable. This is the only situation that makes me cry. Otherwise people say I look blank, and I don t feel very strong emotions other than satisfaction or paranoia . I find myself talking to my reflection, saying she s evil! (about my mother) after she sabotages my peace. Sudden noises and movement make me jump and get anxious also, even if I expect it. If there s even the slightest sound in the house when I m alone I check to see if anyone s there or trying to come in. I also call out Who s there? when I know my mom s at work. But I m nervous she snuck in somehow. I feel like I m anticipating abuse, but she doesn t abuse me. Somehow I get into the moments in which I don t trust her anyway. Same with friends. I think they re all coming together to gang up on me and make me feel like a fool because they secretly all get together to deceive me. This isn t all the time, but it s a lot of the time. It used to really bother me, but one day I just stopped caring about friendships. I am the happiest, most peaceful, most creative, least bored I ve ever been when I m 100% alone. Whenever I have to talk to someone it makes me feel like I m running out of time for something important. Everything feels rushed. I cut them off a lot. I can t really under stand them, so it s a waste. If my mom isn t extremely concise I just zone out and can t process any of what she s saying. Most of what she tells me, and some of my own thoughts, I forget. This happens a lot mid-sentence for me. She complains because it takes me so long to answer a question. I can t help it. I ve developed a slight stutter too. I don t know what s happening to me. I ve been paranoid since high school, but the fear of people, noise anxiety , aggression and absent-mindedness is very recent. I m unsure of what to do, but my mom is getting sick of my behavior. She thinks I can simply choose to be social and not freak out at everything. Why would I choose this? I can t be around people. I just can t. Most of this started happening after I had to withdraw from college and move in with my mom. I swear I m not depressed though. In fact, when every once in a while I have 30-minute fits of mild hypomania or childlike giggly-ness where I sometimes feel less intelligent and kind of in a trance, but very happy. I don t have long periods of true mania or hypomania though. My moods are generally quiet.
gpt
Hello Madraniandabird  Having suspiciousness, social withdrawal, magical thinking, fear, increased aggression and restlessness may be a sign of severe problem. As per my opinion it should not be overlooked because it may be a feature of Prodromal Schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is a psychotic disorder that is characterized by various clinical symptoms like delusions of prosecutory type, hallucinations like auditory, suspiciousness, social withdrawal, severe social and occupational dysfunction etc. So as you are having a lot of such clinical features please discuss with your mother regarding the problem and visit a psychiatrist for expert opinion ASAP. hope I cleared your doubt. Take Care