>

Yes i agree, my wife and i got married once we realized everything between was done with ease especially in comparison to our previous relationships….i never fight or argue or have much difference of opinion from her…it works :)
I made this point to my ex roommate, who's already getting into fights with her bf. They've only been together for 3 months, moved in after 2 weeks, and started late night fights by the first month. I get consistent text throughout the week about another fight, another mental breakdown, 4 xanx just to calm down, ect. I'm like, it's been 3 months?? Should still be in the honeymoon phase imo. The other day, she came over just so she could shower in peace. Showed up all red eyes. After about 10 mins of venting, she admitted that she hated him yet said she can't leave? People are confusing. >

That doesn't seem like work. It seems like a waste of time.
Relationships are work, but the point is to work together. It can be usually fun and easy, but occasionally it can require you to do something that wouldn't be your first choice. >

Relationships take effort but they should not be difficult. You shouldn’t be fighting all the time, and you certainly certainly should never compromise on big issues. And they should show you respect. Not the “you must obey me” bs people try to pull but just respect your autonomy and respect you as a person. >

You should never compromise on big issues? That is the most important time to compromise. >

If you want children or not, if you want to get married or not, etc are all things you should not be compromising on rather finding someone who wants the same thing as you. The right partner will want the same things in life on that kind of big scale. I see so many people compromise on kids specifically for their partner and it doesn’t end well in my opinion. >

Until this comment, I had thought we were talking about already married couples who'd already figured those kinds of things out. I'm now realizing I was wrong. >

If you’re already married then yeah these things should be settled. Or at least I’d hope so but you’d be surprised how many people are absolutely unwilling to have hard conversations and rather choose to believe their partner would agree with them without actually asking them. 
Maybe this is my own life experience talking- but in marriage there really shouldn’t be much compromise either (true compromise not what do you want for dinner small stuff). The right person will agree it’s you on most things that actually matter. My husband and I hardly disagree on anything, especially not anything major. >

I e had to have a lot of hard talks in both of my marriages. "Hey, I got a job offer that will improve our family, but it's on the other side of the country" someone is probably going to need to compromise. Among other things >

Really the only compromise I can see happening is stuff like that. Where it’s unexpected and you both kinda have to roll with the punches as you figure our life. Job promotions are hard to predict. But that’s part of the fun of being married >

My wife and I have been married for almost 30 years. One son. Life can be a pain, but our relationship? Effortless and complimentary. >

26 years here and I completely agree, though I found a hack somewhere around year 4 which may shed the light on why some may say that relationships are work. I discovered that when the little things about my husband started to annoy me it meant we needed to spend more time together, not less (e.g. disgusted angry voice “I think we need a date night this week.”) It was counterintuitive, but ultimately delightful. Some may label that work.
Edit to add: Now we just date regularly and do an annual weekend getaway. Is it work? No, not really. >

I've been married twice, my first one fell apart after 6 years, it was hard work every day, no matter what I did she was never happy. I could never do enough for her and was never allowed time for myself.
The second time around has been the total opposite, we've been together nearly 12 years and married for 9 years. It's always been easy, we enjoy each others company and genuinely enjoy being together. >

Building a life together is work, and building a life together is long.
Which means there are inevitably going to be disagreements and frustrations.  You work through them if you want to build a life together.  Thus, relationships are work. >

Agreed. There’s no such thing as an effortless relationship. People have their limits, but if there’s zero effort to work through differences, then what’s even the point other than random convenience? >

Hi, a person in an effortless relationship here. We just don't really have any non-trivial differences >


effortless relationship

that doesn't exist >

I think it is "work", it's just if you love them, it (most of the time) does not feel like it and when it does, you know you can get through it because it's what you want more than anything. Finding someone who makes you want to try and makes trying fun and easy is truly the most rewarding thing >

I don’t think you understand what most people mean when they say relationships are “work.” 
When you spend your life with someone, it means that you will end up navigating all of life’s challenges together. Mental health struggles, family tragedies, loss of loved ones, loss of jobs, children (and all of the challenges they bring), medical issues, major financial issues, etc. These are all things that can really put a relationship to the test, especially considering that you are two individuals who handle things differently and may or may not have different views on things or coping mechanisms. These are things that can drive couples apart if they don’t navigate them properly and communicate. 
“Work” also includes the fact that you should continue to date each other. The beginning is exciting. You can’t keep your hands off of each other, you’re all about each other and it’s exhilarating. But as years go by, and you settle in and get used to each other, that starts to slow down if you become complacent, which many couples do. You have to continue to put effort into the relationship and making your partner feel loved and wanted. If you don’t, there’s a chance that you’ll grow distant and basically become roommates who sleep in the same bed. This is something that can be overcome if both people want to put in the… dare I say it, work. The roommate phase, plus the issues I mentioned in the paragraph above can be worked through if both are willing. Why do you think relationship counseling is a thing? 
“Work” doesn’t mean staying in a toxic relationship, or one where you clearly don’t belong. Cheating, gaslighting, disrespect, etc. are not considered “downs” in a relationship that are expected. They are red flags. >

Relationship is work. 
You need to think about the partner, you need to still put in effort every day, meaning you still have to cook for them as you did on the second date, you still have to give them attention, support and time, even if you don't always want to, you must be involved and offer what you also desire. 
That is work. It shouldn't be hard and draining since you love this person and get the same in return, but it's still work. >

But none of those things are "work" tho. Like, I can't compare it to actual work because I enjoy making my partner happy, and it doesn't feel like work, as it's mutual >

As I said, it is not supposed to be a chore you hate and always frustrates you, but it is still work, because let's be honest, we all have bad days and get lazy, and you're not always eager to do certain stuff. Sure, knowing it makes them happy fueled you, same here, but that doesn't mean it's not an effort, and effort is essential >

But again, to me, effort is not work, and when you love someone it shouldn't feel like work, the key point being on the feel, as to me it's quite subjective, as this comment section seems to be demontrating as well >

Look, today for example, I just woke up, it's late as I slept in a lot. She is playing. I will be making breakfast for the two of us because it's one of the best parts of the day, to enjoy it with her and a series or cartoon, but in reality, all I want in this moment is to do nothing, not even eat, just have a snack and go play. That is what I would do if she weren't here. 
Of course I will be happier by doing this with her, but it is still an effort. Might not be work, but it's an effort, that must be done daily, with very few exceptions. >

I don't agree it must be done daily at all. Both of you are two individual people, and I wouldn't fault my partner for feeling like doing nothing on a particular morning, and would appreciate him telling me if that's the case, so we can both do what we want until we feel like doing something together. 
In my case, both of us usually want to be with each other, but we also sometimes do what we feel like, as long as we communicate it with each other and it's not hurting the other person in any way. >

You don't get my point and it's my fault. I mean that little moments of effort happen daily, because if I wouldn't have the drive to do them, to make her happy, I would not do any of those things on any day, but for her it's worth it. >

But you shouldn't constantly do stuff that you don't have the drive to do usually just to make her happy. Sure, it's nice for a while, but this makes it seem like you wouldn't be doing any of it if it wasn't for her. If you genuinely enjoy those activities with her, sure, but you shouldn't do stuff just for her.
Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you're trying to say, not sure >

As I said, it brings me happiness and it is worth it, but sometimes I don't want to go to shop when I come home from work, but she asked me to get her something, so of course I will go, sometimes I don't want to clean the house in that very moment, but she asks me, so I will. It also goes both ways, when I ask something. 
She just asked me to put away the clothes from the drier, which is fair because this time she washed them, but if it would be by me, I would do it later, or in the evening, or tomorrow, not now when all I want is to eat and chill. So it is a slight effort, that I feel happy to do, but it's still an effort.
Again, it is not a huge effort, but it still is. >

Sorry, but that sounds like too much work to me tbh. Why would you do activities you don't enjoy just for her? On occasion, maybe, but not regularly. You should each have individual activities and hobbies as well imo.
As for chores, my partner and I always just say "I honestly don't feel like doing it right now, but I will do it at such and such time", or we'd say "is it important that I do it right now, or can I do it later?", and we're all good. I honestly don't understand why you'd have to immediately do what she asks you to do, and vice versa. >

The "work" people refer to is to not stop dating your spouse and to not stop working on yourself. You've misconstrued it entirely. >

Word. >

I've been in a relationship over 3 years. Few arguments, but none of it is 'work' and has never felt like it. Ones in the past certainly had but that's just a cue to move on if it's chronic. >


And I'm not talking about important life decisions like financials and having children. Building a life together is work, sure.
I'm specifically pointing out the "work" that people refer to when using this phrase.
Those who have said this in my life use it in a context when discussing disagreements or frustrations with their partner

i don't get this. generally disagreements and frustrations with long-term couples are about finances or having children; so why is this discounted? i mean what takes work is not about whether someone has left the toilet seat up. >

This is what I was thinking.
'Relationships should be easy'
'No I am not talking about all the discussions and things that go into making a relationship.  Those are supposed to be hard.' >

I'm talking about people who constantly use "well, relationships are work" to defend the fact that they are constantly butting heads with their loved one.
Y'all should be best friends, not teenage siblings. >

I'm sorry, but I constantly butt heads with my best friends too. >

Usually, when people say a relationship is work, they are talking about life building and not continuing to tolerate your partner. There are some people who think it is quirky to fight all the time, but this is something you see more online. No matter how much you love your partner, starting a life together is hard; finding a home, planning a wedding, raising children, maintaining fun activities (hobbies, vacations, outings), and managing finances are all stressful things that become more stressful when you have to coordinate it with someone else. >

That assumes you wanna marry and have children tho >

Most people do, so that’s usually the experience they’re referring to. Even if you don’t, buying/renting a home, managing finances, planning vacations, balancing between two families, etc. can all be hard things. >

My husband and I talk about this often. Marriage takes effort (just like anything else) but it isn’t a hardship like people make it out to be. Hell my marriage is the easiest part of my life! >

How many relationships have you had OP? >

I am happily engaged to someone I've known for 7 years, dated 3 years, and have been engaged to for 1. Never fought once, and am so excited to spend the rest of my days with them. 
I've had many relationships prior, and none of them were great but I'm also very young and I feel like that's to be expected. >

You've never fought once?
Okay. Well hey if thats real then I hope life keeps being like that, but that is simply not an expectation I would ever put it anyone's head. >

I've been in a LTR for 5 years now and we haven't had any fights yet >

Life (including relationships) ain’t always easy. It ebbs and flows >

I can’t think of anything of value that doesn’t require at least a little bit of work.  Either building or maintaining, there is always some amount of effort to be made.  This includes relationships. >

The first person that comes to mind who I heard say relationships are hard work is Jada Pinket Smith so it makes sense. Dealing with her toxicity is a full time job. >

We just celebrated 8 years, it's so easy and effortless, it's almost ridiculous.
Most people don't distinguish between a Love Story with someone and someone to build a life with. You can't take someone from a Love Story and build a life with them - but many do. And that's the problem. >

You've seen too many rom-coms.
No. Relationships are about agreeing to live your life alongside someone. The only way a relationship is easy is if both of your lives are easy. 
When my fiancee's dad died, it was hard. It was hard for me to swallow the fact that I had been rejected from my dream job, that I had just been given a shitty new assignment at my current job etc... Because I made a choice that helping her get through her grief was more important than my mundane problems. 
This is just a basic example. Relationships require building a life together. It isn't easy to build a life - and if you think that it is then usually that means that someone else is doing the work for you. 
Now if you separate the idea of work from the idea of unhappiness (which is quite hard in our modern world) you can see that something being hard doesn't mean that it isn't worth the hardship...
and that is what really matters: is this relationship that I have cultivated for the past 10 years worth the work that I have put into it? It's been hard at times but is it worth the hardship that I have endured? For me the answer is yes. Absolutely. For others the answer is also clear - if you're working hard at it and getting nothing from it then clearly the two (or more, not my place to judge) of you just don't work together. >

Lmao at all the people saying they haven't had a fight in 5, 10, 20 years. That's either because:
you have a passive partner
or you only consider fights to be extreme screaming matches
or you're extremely privileged to never have encountered a difficult life event
or you're a liar. >

You cry because a kid was noisy for a few minutes and you’re really gonna lecture this guy about having an easy life? Lol >

Doesn't sound like you've had much first hand experience in serious relationships.
Even two people who love each other deeply have a lot to overcome if they're going to stay together. That's where the work comes in. >

I haven't been in any relationships, and I know that they take work to maintain.
You are bringing two people with their own individual views, and tastes, and ideas, and trying to create one life together.  Of course there is going to be frictions and disagreements, and so on. >

Two people trying to plan a family, financiers, schedules, careers, families, day to day life. Relationships are easy circumstances are not. >

I think this is all just based around how you define "work. Sure some people say "relationships are work" when what they mean is they're barely hanging on and fighting every day, but to pretend a relationship that is going to span a lifetime won't experience moments that you need to work through it with each other is just not reality. >

Depends on context of the word "work".
To me, it's not so much disagreements or frustration, but rather compromise. If your wife wants to go to the beach and you don't then you compromise.  She wants you to go to a cooking class with her? Or wants to make something you may not particularly enjoy eating? More major issues such as one side wanting kids and the other not are what I consider disagreements and these will lead to arguments and divorce.
This happens in all relationships to some degree. Not once is there a couple who always wanted the EXACT same things every day. >

Those dont count as work for me >

Same >

which is why i said "context is key". what does "work" mean for both of you? >

To me, work is my career and house chores lol. Everything with my partner is just love & understanding >

They SHOULD be easy, but they end up becoming difficult for some people for various reasons, you're supposed to be happy with your partner, not constantly stressed >

I think that the problem is that some people don't do some of the most basic work in relationships, like listening to their partner and taking an interest in their happiness. There are so many people these days who think that being in a relationship means being catered to without having to put anything back into the relationship themselves. For those people, yes, their relationships require work, i.e. basic effort. For the rest of us no, it's not work because being considerate and caring about other people's needs isn't a chore. >

Something needing work doesn't mean it's hard or need efforts.
Relationships, be it romantic like your post suggest or otherwise absolutely do need work, you need to know the other person and work your way through interactions with someone else, most of the time it's effortless but it's still work as long as we lack telepathy or a hive mind. >

WOW finally found a legitimately unpopular opinion on this thread. >

I think part of maturing is coming to a point of wanting to be part of the solution, rather than part of the problem, and no longer settling for anything less in a partner. 
Some people are raised with this modeled for them in healthy relationships and reach it early. Some people die still surrounded by drama, while never understanding their part in it. >

Relationships do take work but it’s good work and not difficult. You have to make an effort to solve arguments that you might have. You need to learn to forgive each other in these circumstances and learn to say sorry when you’re wrong. For some people that’s hard. You have to have boundaries and that can be difficult to navigate in the beginning. >

I've been in a relationship for 9 years now. I would say that it is usually easy, unless it isn't. I think that people are different and there can and will be some arguments where it is hard for both parties to compromise. That's where the work comes in. >

If your relationship isn't work one of you is a doormat.
Relationships are about mutual respect and both putting the other before yourself sometimes.
This requires communication, understanding, negotiation, planning, and consideration of the other person's feelings.
If you don't consider that work, either you are looking for a person who will just roll over and do whatever you want, or you are the one rolling over to do everything to please the narcissist who is taking advantage of you. >


This requires communication, understanding, negotiation, planning, and consideration of the other person's feelings.

I guess you can consider these things work but they're just kind of a normal part of everyday life and normally not all that hard to do.

If you don't consider that work, either you are looking for a person who will just roll over and do whatever you want, or you are the one rolling over to do everything to please the narcissist who is taking advantage of you.

When you're on the same page about all the big things no one really has to roll over. I can't think of anything more serious than disagreements about home decor that we've had. Kids, finances, work, lifestyle, are all things we already agree on.

Relationships are about mutual respect and both putting the other before yourself sometimes.

I completely agree with this but it's also pretty easy to do and makes any little challenges super easy to overcome. >


If your relationship is "work," maybe you should rethink it.

Its a bit of both, yes its work but the relationship itself should make it easy work.
​
Thinking it wont ever cost you effort is simply wrong as thats unrealistic , same goes for thinking its only effort. >

I think people say it’s “work” because, even in a healthy relationship, your own traumas and triggers will come up and it’s work to ensure you’re communicating what you need respectfully and effectively. You have to actively show up in your relationship - contribute to its health and well-being by being an effective communicator, being patient and compassionate, and showing your partner you love and appreciate them. I would never call a relationship “easy”, but if you truly like and love your partner, you’ll WANT to show up, which is the “easy” part. >

You've very obviously never been in a healthy long term relationship >

I don't know, I can't think of anything more than minor disagreement about home decor that I've had with my wife. So far both the day to day and planning for the long term has been pretty easy. Knock on wood because you never know what might happen in the future but so far everything has been pretty easy. >

Sounds lovely. But as you said yourself, you never knows what happens in the future. I feel like one doesn't truly know the strength and depth of their relationship, until they've been through something very life-altering together. Anything from death of a loved one, long term illness, children, financial strain or something along those lines. That's when you'll have to navigate the maze that is your relationship, while being challenged on the ability to stay completely levelheaded. How can you truly love someone, if you haven't consoled them at their lowest point, and have a fundamental understanding of how they'd approach such a situation?
It's like a part of the one you think you love is just completely gone from your view, and once you see it, you may not know if you can handle it. >

But you could continually say that, for example my wife was there for me when my dad passed and we grew closer but who's to say that if/ when my mom passes that it won't be worse to the point where it drives us apart? 
There can always be something worse in the future and you never know exactly how it will end or how the other person will handle it, even if you've been through something similar before. Sure you can make an educated guess based on past experiences but you still don't truly know.
Thus far our relationship has been easy even when other things in our life have been hard. If I was a gambling man I would bet that it will continue to be that way but I can't say that our relationship will always be easy, only that it has been so far. >

Yeah, I hope it didn't come off as if I was attacking your relationship. It sounds very good that your relationship is easy, my only point is that easy isn't necessarily the definition for good and/or healthy, but that's not to say it can't be. In your specific case, it definitely sounds just lovely! >

I'm sure there are many different versions of a healthy relationship and I'm not trying to say that ones that aren't like mine are bad, just that they can occasionally be a walk in the park, for which I'm very appreciative of >

Agreed. I've been married for 7 years and people ask me if I'm tired of him yet. Why would I be? He's my best friend, lover, and confidant. It's so easy being with him. We very rarely argue and we love spending so much time together. When COVID happened honestly it was amazing for us. We have several friends who broke up during that time and I feel bad for them but my relationship is easy and I love him more than anything. If your relationship is hard it's half your fault and you just need to find someone who is easy to love and spend time with as long as you have the same life goals and same morals. >

Exactly how we feel!!! We talk about this all the time. >

This is so obvious that I was legitimately flummoxed to learn that some people think it isn’t. If you’ve ever been in a really good relationship, you know that your whole life gets easier, pretty much all the time. Even the hard moments seem comparatively easy when they pop up. Loving each other doesn’t mean your relationship is good or even that you should be together. Honestly most people who claim to be in love probably still make a bad couple. >

How old are you? Out of curiosity >

Everythin good in life is not easy. >

I totally agree.
Been married 26 years and not one day has been work.
We love and respect each other. More importantly, we like each other!
We have similar work ethics, common future goals and are compatible financially and sexually.
You need to be honest and upfront to find the right person for you.  It just takes communication. >

You’ve never had to compromise on anything? >

Yes, but we decide who is more vested and go with that decision if we cannot come up with something that works for both of us.  Calmly and agreeably.
I don't consider having a friendly discussion work. >

Nice. >

I am curious on if you've ever been in a 7+ year relationship and built a life with anyone. My gut tells me you haven't. >

16 year relationship and I agree with OP >

Do you agree with your spouse on everything at all times? >

Not agreeing on everything does not equal fights and work lol. Mature adults can talk things through without fighting. >

So you work to find a compromise, eh? >

No, I don't think I've ever had to compromise with him so far. >

Unpopular opinions are supposed to be intelligible >

This is not unpopular, it’s just plain wrong. >

Oh bless your heart. If you think they are easy then you've never been in a long term committed one or your partner is a saint and just lets you do whatever you want without protest or repercussion. >

Naive. >

When compromise comes into play it's never easy >

The thing is, you don't always like someone. Love is when you're willing to work through those times to get back to the good stuff >

Now love love, don't come easy >

my mom and dad have the most difficult marriage.  they love each other like crazy or they wouldn't work.  they act like siblings and take offense at each other like siblings.  i spent years analyzing their relationship and making suggestions, driving myself crazy.  they went to therapy for 10 years.  
then they stopped therapy and just realized that was how they worked.  its difficult, they love each other, and they don't want to change.  
it was 50 years last november.  they are happy and content, they just love to yell and be cross with each other.  they have good times too, don't get me wrong. >

Sorry, but that just sounds exhausting and psychologically damaging >

I think this phrase often has people trying to jam two clearly unmatched puzzle pieces together when the work they are referring to is more related to keeping the same pace in life and settling disagreements in a way that doesn't cause longterm damage to your relationship. A relationship becomes difficult when these things are pushed aside and begin building up. >

Marriage and family make a lot of other parts of life easier, but come with a price of commitment. When things aren't easy you don't just run away.  That's kind of the deal, you stay when things aren't great. I respect your ideals though; it's not right for everybody. >

Totally agree.
I was lucky enough to find a partner who respects me, whose ideas and goals in life align to mine, and who I love with all my heart. Even the small fights we had about minor issues ended up in constructive talking and growing together. Yes, relationships should be easy.
Everytime someone comes to me asking for advice because "my partner is too jealous" "I have this job offer but my partner doesn't want me to take it" "I love my partner but I can't stand this specific behavior he/she has" the only thing I can answer is: end the relationship. You're not suppose to suffer, you're not supposed to "be strong and just suck it up". Like, WTF. >

Good luck OP as you go floating from relationship to relationship looking for the easy one. Think about it. What else in life is good that didn’t require effort? >

I would agree if we are talking about individuals whiteout childhood traumas. If you are psycho work on it >

No cuz my parents say this all the time but here I am stressed over a boy anyways 🥲 >

I just can't believe how many people think relationships are work or require work.
I used to be in a 10-year relationship and married for 2 with my ex husband, and every single day with him was work. Back then, I would have agreed with half the commenters here saying it takes work. Then I divorced him, making the best decision of my life.
Soon after, I met my current husband, been together for nearly 2 years now, and it's so fucking easy. None of it is work, because we enjoy making each other happy! We just have open and honest communication to resolve any  disagreements we might have. We have literally fought maybe once or twice during this time, and even those I couldn't really call fights, more like strong disagreements and frustration with life in general lol.
So yeah, for all of you saying OP has never been in a long-term relationship just because they feel relationships should be easy, ya'll need to reevaluate your relationships a bit. >

Where's the fun in that?  /s >

Agree. A relationship shouldn't be a constant uphill battle. >

Ha lol. Take take my upvote. >

My marriage is generally very easy bc we work at communicating and supporting each other even when it’s hard. >

In my experience, i would say they can be difficult from time to time but that is because we, as people, are difficult . However, if communication is good it will resolve. >

Been with my wife for 13 years. We have two kids and very busy schedules. Balancing the relationship against other competing circumstances is where the "work" comes in. >

both people involved need to realize that, work together, learn to love each other when things are hard, and be a good person morally. that is lacking more and more these days. >

You will find out the truth, sooner or later. >

People are doing more effort repairing and working on the relationship instead of actually preparing for it. The most important time of a relationship is before it starts
It's not a relationship problem, it's a singleness problem >

I completely agree and have always thought the same >

My relationships are super easy (I'm non monogamous). My marriage is fantastic, we are both on thr same page about everything, and we pretty much never fight. We will have little, inconsequential arguments about petty things like not filling thr kettle up, or not leaving the bathroom light on at night (I have a vision problem and cannot see at all in the dark).
My relationship with my boyfriend is great. It's casual, we catch up once a fortnight on average, and we have so much fun together. We have never had an argument, although we don't spend a whole heap of time together.
And my relationship with my girlfriend is just wonderful. We see each other weekly, and we just love spending time together. >

Totally agree and these people also think relationship therapy is part of this work. Total scam I will run from any woman who pulls that nonsense on me again. >

Internet makes it complicated >

I agree. 
Life stuff isn't always easy, but my relationship is. 
My man, he's kind and generous and handsome. He's the best person I know, and I get to hang out with him all the time. I felt so lucky. Loving him is easy, it's fun, it's warm and it's awesome. 
This is definitely how it should be. 
Life stuff can he really hard, but we face it as a team. We've had heartbreak but that never made it hard to stay in love. >

Wut? >

I agree with this.  Not unpopular in my world.  You know, for as long as I can remember, I would hear the sentence, relationships are work, the romantic ones.   And I never really bought into it.  And after experiencing romantic relationships, I continue to not buy it.  As I continue to navigate this thing called life,  I've come to realize that many things that we parrot are things other humans have parroted to us.  And so when some of us enter relationships, we take  the idea of, relationships take work, much effort etc and it becomes just that.  
I am of the belief, and there isn't anything that's happened in my life that's altered this belief, when you are with the right people, relationships take very little effort or they feel effortless.   It's like walking or eating (for those of us who can walk and eat comfortably).  You just put one foot in front of the other and go.  You just open your mouth and chew. And none of these things feel like me making an effort. It just comes naturally. >

Nope, because I failed.
Them/Me used to be agree with you. But, when things goes sour, either one of us will just go, why should I have to work to keep this relationship? The work is not worth it. They are not worth it. They/I don't deserve Me/Them. We broke up.
The one I am happily married to now, I saw so many red flags and every part of my being wanted to just quit, and I have to tell myself it is not the end of the world and accept them. And they did the same for me. That is "work". I don't have to "work" every 24/7/365, but, there are often critical time that questions our relationships, and sometimes communication is only the first step, the actual "work" is much harder to do. And that's pretty much every couple has gone through. >

Me and my wife have been married for years. I wake up every day excited to see her face. We just love each other and are both calm gentle people and there isn’t any work involved it’s just good natural vibes. >

Agreed. The work should be done prior to engaging in a committed relationship. If it becomes clear that there's a lot of work to do during the relationship, it is a sign that both are better off separate and dealing with their own shit with the help of books, friends, family and health professionals. 
Relationships do shed a light on unresolved situations though. It is helpful to be mindful about those things and evaluate how we show up on relationships. Then, when working on our own stuff we can focus on the right things that will help us become better partners.