>

I went in to get a note for a cold once and got told I was in massive heart failure.
I guess it was a pretty good Christmas gift to find out you don’t have cancer after that scare >

You’re cured! It’s a Christmas miracle!
Except for you, William Smith. You’re still fucked. >

Damn, slapping Chris Rock did that? >

You can't expect to fuck with the Thirteenth Apostle without some divine retribution. >

British humor is too dry for me >

message from Doctor's office
You have aggressive lung cancer
new message
We apologize for our mistake and are deeply regretful. We meant to say have a very merry Christmas 
new message
We apologize again Mr. Smith but upon reviewing your medical imaging it appears you actually do have aggressive lung cancer >

... And happy new last year of your life >

Look at the bright side. You will never fail ur new year resolution again :) >

Jesus Lord and Mary. You went there. >

Correction, you are going there soon >

A text to telling you that you have a terminal illness?
Hey Bob just letting you know you have lung cancer and are going to die lol >

I know right? That is NOT how receiving news like that typically goes. >

I want to receive my end of life notice in emoji format. >

tombstone.bmp >

In the UK they say Happy Christmas, or in some parts, Happy Aggressive Lung Cancer >

You're not supposed to add the "with aggressive metastases" until New Year >

It also says you are a terrible person. We weren't even testing for that! >

I'm afraid you’re about to become the Immediate Past President of the Being Alive Club. >

Ha Ha >

Those damned Hungarian phrase books again. >

You have beautiful thighs. >

“You have tested positive for herpes simplex A&B”
“Our apologies we meant to ask if you would like to schedule your next check up” >

... for your herpes simplex A&B >

Doctor: Here is the message for the people on the cancer list. And, here is the message for the people on our Christmas message list. Don't. Mix. Them. Up!
Secretary: What am I, an idiot? >

This whole episode screams of someone on the admin side being poorly treated by her higher ups and deciding to go out in a blaze of glory. >

Asshole if true >

🎶 We wish you aggressive cancer, we wish you aggressive cancer, we wish you aggressive cancer and a deadly new year“ 🎶