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And I'm not talking about important life decisions like financials and having children. Building a life together is work, sure.
I'm specifically pointing out the "work" that people refer to when using this phrase.
Those who have said this in my life use it in a context when discussing disagreements or frustrations with their partner

i don't get this. generally disagreements and frustrations with long-term couples are about finances or having children; so why is this discounted? i mean what takes work is not about whether someone has left the toilet seat up.
I made this point to my ex roommate, who's already getting into fights with her bf. They've only been together for 3 months, moved in after 2 weeks, and started late night fights by the first month. I get consistent text throughout the week about another fight, another mental breakdown, 4 xanx just to calm down, ect. I'm like, it's been 3 months?? Should still be in the honeymoon phase imo. The other day, she came over just so she could shower in peace. Showed up all red eyes. After about 10 mins of venting, she admitted that she hated him yet said she can't leave? People are confusing. >

That doesn't seem like work. It seems like a waste of time.
Relationships are work, but the point is to work together. It can be usually fun and easy, but occasionally it can require you to do something that wouldn't be your first choice. >

Relationships take effort but they should not be difficult. You shouldn’t be fighting all the time, and you certainly certainly should never compromise on big issues. And they should show you respect. Not the “you must obey me” bs people try to pull but just respect your autonomy and respect you as a person. >

You should never compromise on big issues? That is the most important time to compromise. >

If you want children or not, if you want to get married or not, etc are all things you should not be compromising on rather finding someone who wants the same thing as you. The right partner will want the same things in life on that kind of big scale. I see so many people compromise on kids specifically for their partner and it doesn’t end well in my opinion. >

Until this comment, I had thought we were talking about already married couples who'd already figured those kinds of things out. I'm now realizing I was wrong. >

If you’re already married then yeah these things should be settled. Or at least I’d hope so but you’d be surprised how many people are absolutely unwilling to have hard conversations and rather choose to believe their partner would agree with them without actually asking them. 
Maybe this is my own life experience talking- but in marriage there really shouldn’t be much compromise either (true compromise not what do you want for dinner small stuff). The right person will agree it’s you on most things that actually matter. My husband and I hardly disagree on anything, especially not anything major. >

I e had to have a lot of hard talks in both of my marriages. "Hey, I got a job offer that will improve our family, but it's on the other side of the country" someone is probably going to need to compromise. Among other things >

Really the only compromise I can see happening is stuff like that. Where it’s unexpected and you both kinda have to roll with the punches as you figure our life. Job promotions are hard to predict. But that’s part of the fun of being married >

My wife and I have been married for almost 30 years. One son. Life can be a pain, but our relationship? Effortless and complimentary. >

26 years here and I completely agree, though I found a hack somewhere around year 4 which may shed the light on why some may say that relationships are work. I discovered that when the little things about my husband started to annoy me it meant we needed to spend more time together, not less (e.g. disgusted angry voice “I think we need a date night this week.”) It was counterintuitive, but ultimately delightful. Some may label that work.
Edit to add: Now we just date regularly and do an annual weekend getaway. Is it work? No, not really. >

I've been married twice, my first one fell apart after 6 years, it was hard work every day, no matter what I did she was never happy. I could never do enough for her and was never allowed time for myself.
The second time around has been the total opposite, we've been together nearly 12 years and married for 9 years. It's always been easy, we enjoy each others company and genuinely enjoy being together. >

Building a life together is work, and building a life together is long.
Which means there are inevitably going to be disagreements and frustrations.  You work through them if you want to build a life together.  Thus, relationships are work. >

Agreed. There’s no such thing as an effortless relationship. People have their limits, but if there’s zero effort to work through differences, then what’s even the point other than random convenience? >

Hi, a person in an effortless relationship here. We just don't really have any non-trivial differences >


effortless relationship

that doesn't exist >

I think it is "work", it's just if you love them, it (most of the time) does not feel like it and when it does, you know you can get through it because it's what you want more than anything. Finding someone who makes you want to try and makes trying fun and easy is truly the most rewarding thing >

I don’t think you understand what most people mean when they say relationships are “work.” 
When you spend your life with someone, it means that you will end up navigating all of life’s challenges together. Mental health struggles, family tragedies, loss of loved ones, loss of jobs, children (and all of the challenges they bring), medical issues, major financial issues, etc. These are all things that can really put a relationship to the test, especially considering that you are two individuals who handle things differently and may or may not have different views on things or coping mechanisms. These are things that can drive couples apart if they don’t navigate them properly and communicate. 
“Work” also includes the fact that you should continue to date each other. The beginning is exciting. You can’t keep your hands off of each other, you’re all about each other and it’s exhilarating. But as years go by, and you settle in and get used to each other, that starts to slow down if you become complacent, which many couples do. You have to continue to put effort into the relationship and making your partner feel loved and wanted. If you don’t, there’s a chance that you’ll grow distant and basically become roommates who sleep in the same bed. This is something that can be overcome if both people want to put in the… dare I say it, work. The roommate phase, plus the issues I mentioned in the paragraph above can be worked through if both are willing. Why do you think relationship counseling is a thing? 
“Work” doesn’t mean staying in a toxic relationship, or one where you clearly don’t belong. Cheating, gaslighting, disrespect, etc. are not considered “downs” in a relationship that are expected. They are red flags. >

Relationship is work. 
You need to think about the partner, you need to still put in effort every day, meaning you still have to cook for them as you did on the second date, you still have to give them attention, support and time, even if you don't always want to, you must be involved and offer what you also desire. 
That is work. It shouldn't be hard and draining since you love this person and get the same in return, but it's still work. >

But none of those things are "work" tho. Like, I can't compare it to actual work because I enjoy making my partner happy, and it doesn't feel like work, as it's mutual >

As I said, it is not supposed to be a chore you hate and always frustrates you, but it is still work, because let's be honest, we all have bad days and get lazy, and you're not always eager to do certain stuff. Sure, knowing it makes them happy fueled you, same here, but that doesn't mean it's not an effort, and effort is essential >

But again, to me, effort is not work, and when you love someone it shouldn't feel like work, the key point being on the feel, as to me it's quite subjective, as this comment section seems to be demontrating as well >

Look, today for example, I just woke up, it's late as I slept in a lot. She is playing. I will be making breakfast for the two of us because it's one of the best parts of the day, to enjoy it with her and a series or cartoon, but in reality, all I want in this moment is to do nothing, not even eat, just have a snack and go play. That is what I would do if she weren't here. 
Of course I will be happier by doing this with her, but it is still an effort. Might not be work, but it's an effort, that must be done daily, with very few exceptions. >

I don't agree it must be done daily at all. Both of you are two individual people, and I wouldn't fault my partner for feeling like doing nothing on a particular morning, and would appreciate him telling me if that's the case, so we can both do what we want until we feel like doing something together. 
In my case, both of us usually want to be with each other, but we also sometimes do what we feel like, as long as we communicate it with each other and it's not hurting the other person in any way. >

You don't get my point and it's my fault. I mean that little moments of effort happen daily, because if I wouldn't have the drive to do them, to make her happy, I would not do any of those things on any day, but for her it's worth it. >

But you shouldn't constantly do stuff that you don't have the drive to do usually just to make her happy. Sure, it's nice for a while, but this makes it seem like you wouldn't be doing any of it if it wasn't for her. If you genuinely enjoy those activities with her, sure, but you shouldn't do stuff just for her.
Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you're trying to say, not sure >

As I said, it brings me happiness and it is worth it, but sometimes I don't want to go to shop when I come home from work, but she asked me to get her something, so of course I will go, sometimes I don't want to clean the house in that very moment, but she asks me, so I will. It also goes both ways, when I ask something. 
She just asked me to put away the clothes from the drier, which is fair because this time she washed them, but if it would be by me, I would do it later, or in the evening, or tomorrow, not now when all I want is to eat and chill. So it is a slight effort, that I feel happy to do, but it's still an effort.
Again, it is not a huge effort, but it still is. >

Sorry, but that sounds like too much work to me tbh. Why would you do activities you don't enjoy just for her? On occasion, maybe, but not regularly. You should each have individual activities and hobbies as well imo.
As for chores, my partner and I always just say "I honestly don't feel like doing it right now, but I will do it at such and such time", or we'd say "is it important that I do it right now, or can I do it later?", and we're all good. I honestly don't understand why you'd have to immediately do what she asks you to do, and vice versa. >

The "work" people refer to is to not stop dating your spouse and to not stop working on yourself. You've misconstrued it entirely. >

Word. >

I've been in a relationship over 3 years. Few arguments, but none of it is 'work' and has never felt like it. Ones in the past certainly had but that's just a cue to move on if it's chronic.