>

Listen, if you were a stranger out in public I wouldn't say anything as it isn't my business. However, if you were someone that I consider a friend or even just an acquaintance, it is my duty as a human to inform you that you are, in fact, a monster.
Finishes rant and proceeds to unwrap entire Chipotle burrito and bite it in the middle. >

You’re a monster! >

*pours cereal and milk into mouth simultaneously >

My ""guilty pleasure"" breakfast is cheerios with orange juice, microwaved until splendidly warm. I usually drink it straight out of the bowl. >

A true agent of chaos, the hero we deserve >

I agree with this opinion. 
Continues drinking morning coffee from bowl >

Even better if you mix cereal into that coffee