>

But none of those things are "work" tho. Like, I can't compare it to actual work because I enjoy making my partner happy, and it doesn't feel like work, as it's mutual
I made this point to my ex roommate, who's already getting into fights with her bf. They've only been together for 3 months, moved in after 2 weeks, and started late night fights by the first month. I get consistent text throughout the week about another fight, another mental breakdown, 4 xanx just to calm down, ect. I'm like, it's been 3 months?? Should still be in the honeymoon phase imo. The other day, she came over just so she could shower in peace. Showed up all red eyes. After about 10 mins of venting, she admitted that she hated him yet said she can't leave? People are confusing. >

That doesn't seem like work. It seems like a waste of time.
Relationships are work, but the point is to work together. It can be usually fun and easy, but occasionally it can require you to do something that wouldn't be your first choice. >

Relationships take effort but they should not be difficult. You shouldn’t be fighting all the time, and you certainly certainly should never compromise on big issues. And they should show you respect. Not the “you must obey me” bs people try to pull but just respect your autonomy and respect you as a person. >

You should never compromise on big issues? That is the most important time to compromise. >

If you want children or not, if you want to get married or not, etc are all things you should not be compromising on rather finding someone who wants the same thing as you. The right partner will want the same things in life on that kind of big scale. I see so many people compromise on kids specifically for their partner and it doesn’t end well in my opinion. >

Until this comment, I had thought we were talking about already married couples who'd already figured those kinds of things out. I'm now realizing I was wrong. >

If you’re already married then yeah these things should be settled. Or at least I’d hope so but you’d be surprised how many people are absolutely unwilling to have hard conversations and rather choose to believe their partner would agree with them without actually asking them. 
Maybe this is my own life experience talking- but in marriage there really shouldn’t be much compromise either (true compromise not what do you want for dinner small stuff). The right person will agree it’s you on most things that actually matter. My husband and I hardly disagree on anything, especially not anything major. >

I e had to have a lot of hard talks in both of my marriages. "Hey, I got a job offer that will improve our family, but it's on the other side of the country" someone is probably going to need to compromise. Among other things >

Really the only compromise I can see happening is stuff like that. Where it’s unexpected and you both kinda have to roll with the punches as you figure our life. Job promotions are hard to predict. But that’s part of the fun of being married >

My wife and I have been married for almost 30 years. One son. Life can be a pain, but our relationship? Effortless and complimentary. >

26 years here and I completely agree, though I found a hack somewhere around year 4 which may shed the light on why some may say that relationships are work. I discovered that when the little things about my husband started to annoy me it meant we needed to spend more time together, not less (e.g. disgusted angry voice “I think we need a date night this week.”) It was counterintuitive, but ultimately delightful. Some may label that work.
Edit to add: Now we just date regularly and do an annual weekend getaway. Is it work? No, not really. >

I've been married twice, my first one fell apart after 6 years, it was hard work every day, no matter what I did she was never happy. I could never do enough for her and was never allowed time for myself.
The second time around has been the total opposite, we've been together nearly 12 years and married for 9 years. It's always been easy, we enjoy each others company and genuinely enjoy being together. >

Building a life together is work, and building a life together is long.
Which means there are inevitably going to be disagreements and frustrations.  You work through them if you want to build a life together.  Thus, relationships are work. >

Agreed. There’s no such thing as an effortless relationship. People have their limits, but if there’s zero effort to work through differences, then what’s even the point other than random convenience? >

Hi, a person in an effortless relationship here. We just don't really have any non-trivial differences >


effortless relationship

that doesn't exist >

I think it is "work", it's just if you love them, it (most of the time) does not feel like it and when it does, you know you can get through it because it's what you want more than anything. Finding someone who makes you want to try and makes trying fun and easy is truly the most rewarding thing >

I don’t think you understand what most people mean when they say relationships are “work.” 
When you spend your life with someone, it means that you will end up navigating all of life’s challenges together. Mental health struggles, family tragedies, loss of loved ones, loss of jobs, children (and all of the challenges they bring), medical issues, major financial issues, etc. These are all things that can really put a relationship to the test, especially considering that you are two individuals who handle things differently and may or may not have different views on things or coping mechanisms. These are things that can drive couples apart if they don’t navigate them properly and communicate. 
“Work” also includes the fact that you should continue to date each other. The beginning is exciting. You can’t keep your hands off of each other, you’re all about each other and it’s exhilarating. But as years go by, and you settle in and get used to each other, that starts to slow down if you become complacent, which many couples do. You have to continue to put effort into the relationship and making your partner feel loved and wanted. If you don’t, there’s a chance that you’ll grow distant and basically become roommates who sleep in the same bed. This is something that can be overcome if both people want to put in the… dare I say it, work. The roommate phase, plus the issues I mentioned in the paragraph above can be worked through if both are willing. Why do you think relationship counseling is a thing? 
“Work” doesn’t mean staying in a toxic relationship, or one where you clearly don’t belong. Cheating, gaslighting, disrespect, etc. are not considered “downs” in a relationship that are expected. They are red flags. >

Relationship is work. 
You need to think about the partner, you need to still put in effort every day, meaning you still have to cook for them as you did on the second date, you still have to give them attention, support and time, even if you don't always want to, you must be involved and offer what you also desire. 
That is work. It shouldn't be hard and draining since you love this person and get the same in return, but it's still work.