>

I saw a couple comments in here about self-defense, and I want to make a quick comment about it because a lot of people are surprised that women get convicted of a crime when they kill or hurt their abusers. Self-defense often isn't a usable defense for abused women. In most states, someone has to be actively attacking you when you kill them for it to be legally viable. So you have to be IN a fight. A lot of abused women won't fight back while they're being hurt because: 1) they can't or are not strong enough 2) they're too scared, and can't overcome the mental hurdles of killing someone AND furthermore killing someone they are afraid of.
So what do you do if you are in that scenario? You wait until he stops and is distracted, his back is turned, or when he's asleep, etc. When you know you can win. And that usually gets women convicted. We really need better laws to accommodate victims of abuse.
EDITING: because someone below compared it to "premeditated murder" as though abused women sit down with their little listical, a checklist of items they need to murder their mean husband like a weapon and plastic and bleach or something like that. I forgot people on this website lack brain cells. It's more like this: he's hitting you, and finally he stops, maybe turns around to punch a wall instead, so you reach for the nearest blunt object and hit him in the head. He r*apes you and finally passes out drunk, and once that happens you reach for the gun and shoot him. The point where he STOPS is the point where self defense is LOST in some places and that's the problem. It's not like these women are planning a gone girl scenario, they're scared for their lives. And in many cases, getting away from him may have even been the original goal (in fact in a lot of cases I would imagine it's this, it's not like we're talking trained about assassins who aim for the head.) Sure she could pick that moment to run, but most women who leave abusive relationships are murdered, literally, it's the most likely time she will die. "Just leave" isn't an option for most women in this situation, it's never as simple as that. Imagine saying that to someone covered in bruises too. "Well why don't you just break up with him" you say while she's sitting there with a black eye. And sometimes the situation IS that extreme that she feels like she has no choice. Instead of coming at her for being in a miserable situation, maybe YOU should figure out how to make sure she has safe choices. Maybe you should call your politicians and ask what laws they are working on to help stop domestic violence. Maybe you should volunteer or donate to a shelter.
I worked in Psych for a number of years and we once had a patient who shot and killed her husband. She had all charges dropped because her husband had been beating her for 20+ years. Interestingly enough, she was one of the nicest individuals that I've ever met. >

Probably super nice bc she knew what a total ass can do. So decided to be the opposite. >

Might be a defence mechanism. 
If you’re nice and accommodating you might feel like it’s less likely someone will hurt you. >

It's a classic trauma response.  We all know about "fight or flight", but there's also the "freeze" and "fawn" responses.  The "fawn" response is a common one with abuse victims, especially child abuse - they just do whatever they can to placate the abuser.  They say whatever they can to make it stop.  They try to be as pliable and submissive as possible to not be a target of the abuser's rage. >

I've worked in mental health for over a decade and never heard of this. It makes SO MUCH SENSE and wish this was talked about more. Thanks for sharing. >

highly recommend the books   
"The Body Keeps the Score"
but also "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving"  
Because complex trauma is absolutely a thing that is recognized from the mental health community, but isn't yet in the DSM. It's trauma that is from sustained abuse as opposed to trauma from a single incident such as a car accident or a suicide. >

C-PTSD I believe is in the ICD, but not the DSM. >

Hi, you’re right. ICD-11