comment: >
  
  How would having a best friend of the opposite sex be disrespecting. Are you not able to control your own behavior or thoughts? 
  Stupidest line ever. 
  
  that isn’t because we don’t trust each other, but rather because we respect each other.
  
  Respecting someone is not doing something that will break their trust. 
  So don't do anything? Seems simple enough, if you are unable to be in a friendship without behaving in a way that is disrespectful than you are the problem, but if you can than that isn't disrespectful.
context: wow. an unpopular opinion finally graced this sub >
  
  An unpopular opinion that doesn't sound made up >
  
  It's definitely her real opinion, and it's definitely unpopular. 
  Maybe at a certain point, your life partner should be your best friend, ya know? 
  But the idea that a platonic friend can't be opposite gender is beyond stupid. Are bi people and nonbinary people just not supposed to have friends at all? Seems to me the real issue is whether you want to keep true to any promises of monogamy, or not. >
  
  Obviously this woman doesn’t believe bisexual and nonbinary people exist.  She’s 56 and obviously very conservative. >
  
  And she obviously doesn't trust her husband - or he doesn't trust her - despite her claim that they have trust and it's just about "respect." >
  
  I just don't get it. I get feeling some level of wariness, maybe insecurity, at times, but there's a point where it's all just beyond irrational and it doesn't even make sense to be in the relationship. It seems like a miserable way to interact with people.
  Lol @ "respect." For those of us that trust our partners and don't think we own our partners, we aren't disrespected by them interacting with other people. She's really telling on herself, there. >
  
  Jokes on her, I cheat with my male friends. >
  
  I'll be home in a few hours honey, just watching the ballgame. >
  
  Just building an art room for my bros... >
  
  OP. 
  I’ve gone back and forth on this a lot over my life. The best advice I can give you is that it’s entirely case dependent and you can’t generalize. 
  There’s a lot of guys who are friends with a girl to get with them. There are a lot of girls who keep a guy around as another option. There are a lot of guys and girls (and non binary folks) who do neither and just have friends that they considered genuine siblings. 
  The only rule that one should follow is - you know your partner so don’t put them in a position where they have to be uncomfortable with you. Maintain a decent enough boundary with people who you yourself and your partner are/aren’t ok with and live your lives.
  If you or your partner cheats because of their friend of the opposite gender; they’re a shitty partner. If they make you feel uncomfortable for asking for boundaries; they’re a shitty partner.
  I conclude with the reality that boundaries are a two way street. I know a lot of religious guys that say their SO can’t have male friends, but still hang out with women who’ve expressed the desire to get together. I’ve seen women get angry at a guy for talking to a girl, and have 3 backups. Neither is ok. 
  Just live your life and dw >
  
  Personally as a straight dude I like to keep a bunch of girls as friends because they are very caring and rational. Whenever I go to a girl with my problems they always have much more fulfilling advice than my guy friends. I'm not even attracted to most of them they just get me more than guy friends >
  
  Also, having platonic  girl friends is a great way to screen out bad apples when dating. 
  As a guy I miss a lot of red flags that girls pick up right way. I also miss a lot of positive signals that girls put out, so having some "translators" was really helpful. >
  
  my male friends did this for me with men, they saw all the red flags. >
  
  One time, it was just a bracelet. 
  My girl friend: "She's got a sugar daddy"
  Me: "What makes you say that?"
  Friend: "No girl buys jewelry like that for herself."
  Me: "Maybe a gift from family?"
  Friend: "When's the last time you bought your sister a $400 silver Tiffany bracelet with a heart and arrow on it?"
  Me: "Maybe it was from a previous relationship?"
  Friend: "That bracelet came out this season, dude. That's a romantic gift, and she didn't say no. What's her name?" (Searches Instagram and shows me the pictures of her with a guy posted two days ago). "Best case scenario, you're a just a re-bound and you deserve better than that." >
  
  wtf is this sherlock level shit 😭 >
  
  Hey man, I've seen reddit guys locate the model of a gritty old walkytalkie wrapped in weird fibres down to the model, production company and circulation through the years.
  Don't underestimate weird nerds all over the world. >
  
  r/gunners figured out a possible new signing was in London based on a very average cloud formation through a small section of the car window in the background of the player's selfie. >
  
  Guess I can’t have friends being bisexual. Epic. >
  
  I'm sorry, it's illegal for you to have friends. Hand them over, now. >
  
  Can we at least get a refund? Maybe some monetary compensation? >
  
  I have some leftover Rangoon. Sorry, it’s the best I can do. >
  
  I'll take what I can get, I guess. >
  
  That’s the spirit! >
  
  I don’t think it’s a red flag at all but I think your completely within reason to let him know it makes you uncomfortable and for you two to take steps or compromise so your comfortable with their friendship. He shouldn’t have to stop being friends though. I know you said it’s not a trust thing but if this is something you guys can’t talk through then it really does seem like a trust issue. >
  
  She's 56, it's more of a generational culture thing >
  
  I’m 54 and I think this opinion is total bullshit. I’d be fine if the man I decided to marry had a woman best friend, because I wouldn’t have decided to marry him if I didn’t trust him. Also presumably I’d meet this best friend, and chances are great that if the man I loved thought she was best-friend material, I’d like her, too. 
  If you don’t trust your fiancé/fiancée, don’t get married. Full stop. >
  
  I just came here to say im free if u want to get married again😆 >
  
  First I must meet the Best Friend. ;) >
  
  Ha deciding if you can stand the best friend is a different issue to whether or not they exist and have a different gender. >
  
  Yeah, but also I want to know what the best friend thinks of him.  Ha! >
  
  I have women who I’ve known for the last 15 years of my life. I’m not gonna stop considering them some of my closest friends just cause I start dating someone. Sure. Maybe at one point when I was god damn teenager I thought of them in a slightly sexual way. But it’s been a long time since I was a teen. They’re just the homies at this point. And anyone who has a problem with that is someone I don’t want a relationship with in the first place. >
  
  This exactly. I made sure from day 0 that my partner knew that my best friend was part of the package and if he had a problem with that, then we didn't have anything left to discuss. He was and remains cool with it. Why wouldn't he be? My best friend is no threat to him. >
  
  Yup exactly. I’d honestly find it way more of red flag when someone thinks men and women can’t just be friends. Says a lot about how they view the opposite sex. >
  
  God forbid your bisexual and you're not allowed to have any friends then >
  
  Don't blame it on your age, I'm 54 and I don't see any problem with it in a healthy, trustful relationship. >
  
  I think it depends. If the friend is respectful of the relationship, doesn’t cross any reasonable boundaries, and there isn’t any romantic or sexual history between the two then I don’t think that there’s any problems. >
  
  Cant have friends? Easy bullet dodged. >
  
  Just sleep with all your friends then it's equal >
  
  I love my best friend, they are the opposite sex. I would never consider dating them, but I love them in the most platonic sense. >
  
  "that isn’t because we don’t trust each other, but rather because we respect each other."
  If you trust your partner, it is disrespectful to them for you to expect them to cut ties with their best friend simply because of that best friend's gender.  The fact that you see it as a "red flag" points to a lack of trust. >
  
  So much this. That last line upset me so much. Especially since I'm bi, this kind of thinking would really be problematic for me. Probably my two best friends in the world are a gay man and a straight woman, both of which would be very off limits in such a ridiculous relationship paradigm. >
  
  It's such an asinine take - and clearly points to OP being in denial of their lack of trust in their partner.  And their various arguments in the comments here are moronic as well - they say things like "shouldn’t your partner be your BEST friend?" which basically implies that if two straight guys are best friends then they should get married to each other.  But they can't even understand the fact that people generally use the term "friend" to distinguish a person from their partner / spouse in applicable contexts, so I guess we really can't expect much of anything reasonable from them. >
  
  
  shouldn’t your partner be your BEST friend
  
  Which is a bullshit argument from them because it clearly wasn't what they were saying. I think that's them trying damage control. They were saying it's wrong if your best friend is the opposite sex, implying it's fine if it's the same sex. Which isn't saying your best friend should be your partner. >
  
  I would have no issues whatever the gender of my husbands best friend. And he wouldn't have with me either. I'm bi so would have a severely limited choice of best friends if that was the case! 
  So yeah, unpopular opinion, take my upvote. >
  
  Right?! I'm a lesbian, so I can't be friends with any girls I went to my single-gender school with? My partner is bi, so is she not supposed to have any friends? Bit archaic to not consider non hetero people and relationships. >
  
  OP is super Christian, she doesn't even put LGBT groups into her calculations. >
  
  Finally a true, somewhat reasonable unpopular opinion. It's not very often I get to say it, but I completely disagree.
  With that said, have an upvote! >
  
  If it was unpopular in isolation then sure, it fits well here. But it’s her rationale for why she has that opinion that is the problem. 
  “It isn’t because we don’t trust each other, but because we respect each other” is just a fancy way of saying you don’t trust each other at all. >
  
  "I respect you, hence you cannot have female friends, cut contract wirh them and never be alone with another woman" op, probably >
  
  More like 'I say I respect you, so what that means is that you owe me your respect. And what that means is that you do whatever the hell I say or want'. >
  
  I'm 55 and have been married to my wife for over 14 years, together for longer. I also have a best friend who is a woman and who I've known since I was 15. My wife really likes her as well and is also friends with her. I know another half dozen women very well who I've been friends with for over 35 years. You have trust issues. >
  
  People who think trust can control people have the real trust issues lmao >
  
  Damn I'm bi so I guess no friends for me. >
  
  OP really forgot not everyone is straight which is exactly why her logic is flawed. >
  
  You say this is a sign of your age but I’d expect a jealous 20 year old to have this opinion >
  
  Oh they do, I would know as I had to stop being friends with a guy over a year ago because his girlfriend was insecure and felt the need to keep tabs on every woman in his life and made him unfollow my socials because I blocked her as she was making me uncomfortable. >
  
  I felt this so hard. Doesn’t help that it’s a climbing trend now on the internet to push this narrative so women get more vicious if they hear their boyfriend has a female friend. >
  
  Definitely a sign of your age. I have a female friend and I have zero sexual attraction to her. I mean none. Never have either. >
  
  So because my fiancé and I have friends of the opposite sex we don’t respect one another? Post reeks of Self esteem issues. >
  
  Beyond just aging themselves, the language being used basically ignores homosexual couples or non-binary genders or Asexual but romantic partners. 
  It's not just self esteem issues, the post reeks of a fully heteronormative upbringing that's probably sheltered within a religious community.
  Like if her husband was a closeted bisexual, and he and his best male friend went away on fishing trips that were actually the two of them having sexual relations, I doubt OP would be totally cool and comfortable with that but she's completely blind to it because she's so hyper-focused on being the only woman in his life. >
  
  
  homosexual
  
  It's just a phase
  
  non-binary
  
  "Science!"
  
  Asexual
  
  Just haven't met the right one
  /s >
  
  >Bisexual
  Just have threesomes!  
  Can't forget that one >
  
  It does look like this is in fact an unpopular opinion >
  
  I dunno its pretty popular amongst the average insecure person. >
  
  Yep! Only insecure people make this a hill to die on >
  
  & people who gaslight about cheating. 
  "Omg babe he's just a frienddd. Ughhh, guys r so insecure/controlling. I'm hanging out with my friends and I'm not answering my phone" 
  "Okay yeah I was cheating. But it's your fault"
  Some people are just full of shit. Like, you can't tell me those lies when I've been the person that's "just" a friend. >
  
  My best friend fucked my wife. I don't have best friends or that wife anymore. >
  
  New post tomorrow.
  Married guys shouldn't have male best friends. >
  
  Seems prudent. You never know when you're going to get bi-curious... >
  
  "that isn’t because we don’t trust each other"
  Riiiiiight. >
  
  It’s really a case by case basis but if you don’t trust your partner there’s just no relationship. If you truly believe your husband can’t be alone with another woman then why be with him? >
  
  That's an interesting way of saying you don't trust your husband...
  I feel pretty sorry for him, actually >
  
  Yeah if there was trust, she wouldn’t care if he had a woman as a friend. Also sounds like she has some internalized misogyny if she thinks women should be competing for a man’s attention. >
  
  It would be a red flag if my partner said that to me. It isn't disrespectful at all >
  
  Ya.. say what you want, but that's not respect.
  That's definitely a lack of trust in either yourselves or each other.
  It's an old way of thinking and doing things, it's also idiotic. >
  
  Facts >
  
  it's not a red flag. can we please stop making the pettiest of things red flags >
  
  This is a RED FLAG as one partner is controlling who the other partner can have as friends. this is very much a domestic abuse situation. >
  
  Reason number 6 why people don't take these phrases such as domestic abuse as seriously as we should. Most of us agree this opinion is insecure, but don't downplay domestic violence like this. Having a preference isn't domestic violence. >
  
  It’s ultimately your partner trying to cut you off from your emotional support due to their own insecurities. I don’t think that this scenario alone would be domestic abuse, but it certainly sounds like it could easily head into that territory. >
  
  It certainly could, but as I saw from the original post, she said she wouldn't have even dated her husband if he had a woman best friend. If that is known from the get go wouldn't that be a preference, not domestic abuse?
  I agree it's insecure. But I think saying you wouldn't date someone with an opposite gendered best friend is domestic abuse, but a preference. 
  On the flip side, if you're already in a relationship and start doing that afterwards, that is controlling. >
  
  my best friend is a woman... Her husband is also one of my best friends... I can call either to go out for a drink or to talk at any time... Me and her have been friends since highschool.   I was in their wedding as a groomsman. They're like family >
  
  You say it's not about insecurity but it has to be. EIther you're able to handle yourself alone with your friends or the concept of betraying your partner wouldn't even cross your mind as a possibility, and likewise either you trust your partner or you wouldn't consider the likelihood that they'd betray you. 
  This isn't all that unpopular (unfortunately) but it is a juvenile/archaic belief that seems to be diminishing. >
  
  I think you have to put yourself into an old-timey "keeping up appearances" mindset to see the respect aspect that OP refers to.
  It's about not putting yourself in positions where people around you could conceivably think you're cheating on your spouse. 
  You do NOT want those old bitties at church thinking you're cuckolding your husband with farmer Joe, and you definitely don't want them telling their own husbands about their suspicions, because they work with your husband in the coal mine and he would lose clout if everyone thought his woman was out of control.
  So from that point of view, it's really not about distrusting your spouse - it's about expecting your spouse to present themselves to the community in a way that casts no doubt on the sanctity of your marriage.
  Is it old-fashioned to think this way? Yes, but it's understandable depending on what sort of place you grew up in. >
  
  I'd say it's a red flag if your partner is incapable of accepting that you have another friend of your preferred gender, trying to separate you from your external support network is a textbook sign of abuse after all >
  
  By your logic I couldn't have any friends if I'm in a relationship since I'm attracted to both genders. Your views of friendship and relationships are pretty outdated and toxic. >
  
  What’s the bet that OP wouldn’t make an exception for Aro best friends either? >
  
  Having the capacity to maintain a plutonic relationship is akin to those who have faith and/or believe in god. You’re either capable of doing so or not - just because you can’t, doesn’t mean others can.
  Let people be who they want to be with whom they want too. >
  
  For real if someone I was dating took issue with my relationship with my best friend I know which one I would be ditching. Spoiler: It's not the friend. >
  
  Biz Markie (R.I.P.) told us this back in the day. >
  
  It's certainly understandable but to me it's a bigger red flag when someone needs their partner to close off a larger part of a wide world out of insecurity.
  Disliking socializing alone with the opposite sex - without prior notice or approval from your SO - is perfectly respectable. 
  However, if my SO hasn't the trust in me to be loyal and isn't willing to build that trust under any circumstance then the relationship isn't for me.  Being perpetually frightened by the exploits of a fiction in one's head is so unattractive, I'd even call it repellant.
  I've had a few offers in my younger years to be a rebound/comfort hookup, and even a cheat for people I've met through friends.  I'm no longer friends with the person who wanted to cheat with me.
  It's absolutely not in me to get between people when I know at least one of the two considers themselves a pair, nor intentionally betray the expectations of my loved ones. >
  
  Everything according to Reddit is a red flag. >
  
  I have a ton of female friends. If a women said this to me, it shows they are insecure. Bye.
  Never gotten with any of my female friends, never tried to. They're attractive but we've just been friends for a long time, usually I met them when they were in relationships and then just being friends with them for so long and being there for them through their break-ups, especially when I'm also super close with their boyfriends/exes... just fucking weird. They're like sisters to me. 
  I also do fairly well with women so it's like, why would I get with them when I can get with anyone else lol. It's the women I'm not friends with you'd have to worry about. Plus my girlfriends have always helped me get laid, they make you look good to other women too so like why would I fuck that up. And on top of that, they're just awesome people that I value having friendships with and have been incredibly supportive of me through some crazy shit. >
  
  I would see this as disrespect and would bring this up, it’s so hard too when jealously and insecurity is thrown around so loosely and seen as such a vice >
  
  Being bisexual this is why society has locked me in a tower because I can't help but attempt to have sex with any person above the age of 18 at any time. They let me out one hour a day, but I can work remote and the running the stairs on the tower is great cardio.