comment: >
  
  It's Gen Z stoicism
context: You dont understand the correct usage of the phrase, and neither does your husband.
  Say you're driving to work and there's a crash ahead, causing a huge tailback which makes you late for work.
  Some would be angry and some would complain, some would say "it is what it is" because it's out of your control and there's no point being upset. >
  
  Similar sayings: That's the way it goes. That's the way the cookie crumbles. So it goes. >
  
  Shit happens >
  
  Sometimes it be like that >
  
  But it do >
  
  Thats not how youre supposed to use that saying. Its meant to be a response to things you have no control over >
  
  Such as? I think we have way more power to fix things or chose our own actions than people give us credit for.
  I remember an old friend used that saying about his explosive temper with his wife, where he'd punch holes in the wall. Take ownership or your body and change! >
  
  
  Such as?
  
  The weather >
  
  Bundle up more with the cold, or sprinkle salts on the sidewalks in advance. Pre-emptively fix it. Don't just sit around and mope about it.
  Or maybe flesh out your example more. Like complaining about the frost on the windshield due to weather? Complaining about chickens dying from the heat, etc ? >
  
  Not being able to leave your house due to a snowstorm, a concert being rained out, being too cold to go swimming >
  
  Thanks for taking me down this path. So basically, you're using the saying to describe a situation, but then do you use it as an excuse to not complete something? That second part is the key that would upset me. Like, find another way to complete the task at hand.
  No use crying over spilt milk, but tremendous use in properly cleaning it up and moving on to do something else productive that day. >
  
  What you are missing is that if you are using the statement in the correct way it is not about having an excuse for not doing anything about something. Instead, it's more that the thing happened, but you aren't going to let it bother you too much and are instead going to move forward instead of dwelling. So if it's rainy and that means you can't do your plans, you can say "it is what it is" but then still put on your coat. You just aren't going to be upset about it. >
  
  Yeah, ultimately OP is refusing to accept the parase can mean anything than "I don't want to try". >
  
  It's not so much "not my problem, don't give a shit," it's more "not much I can do about it, so I'm not gonna waste emotional energy on it."
  Loving mac & cheese is incredibly normal for kids. They love calorie dense things, as they're growing. And now that your kids have a preference, it's extremely difficult to change that. My guess is your husband is thinking somewhere along these lines. It's not impossible to change, but he'd rather not waste the emotional energy trying to force them to be into other foods.
  Mac & cheese isn't even unhealthy for kids if you're making it from scratch, not using those neon powder packets from Kraft or whatever. It's calorie dense, which is great for kids. It's also easy as hell to make, and is just an all-around hearty meal on the cheap. If you're already doing this, you don't need to worry so much about it, and if you're not, do it! If you can give your kids what they want but make it healthy, everyone wins. You might even be able to sneak mushrooms or other food they don't like in, and get them to change their tune in it.
  But I dunno, parent your kids however you want lol >
  
  My mom used to be real sneaky about it, because she always made mac and cheese from scratch.  
  Spinach doesn't taste like much. 
  She'd puree it and mix it in with the bechamel.
  If your kids are young enough and aren't too picky, we used to lose our fucking shit over GREEN mac and cheese, because it's not supposed to be that color. 
  We thought it was so damn funny and weren't any the wiser. 
  Her kids could definitely be stuck on worse foods than mac and cheese. >
  
  It do be like that sometimes >
  
  After reading this thread, it’s clear OP doesn’t know what “it is what it is,” means.  Oh well, it is what it is. >
  
  What do you think it means? >
  
  It means shit just happens, that’s life. It is what it is. >
  
  I know what it means. I'm asking that person in particular what it means. >
  
  They clearly know as they used it at the end. 
  Their comment says
  “Op doesn’t know the phrase. Oh well it is what it is” >
  
  Let me try this again... I wasn't talking to you. I have no interest in talking to you about what you think they think. Kind if bizarre TBH. >
  
  It’s obvious what they think you’re just dense >
  
  Coming from you hahaha ok pal >
  
  Used in the context of 'oh well, I don't care enough to do anything' then yeah it's annoying. I don't mind it used when something will inevitably happen and there's nothing you can do about it. >
  
  Is strange, because I only heard it being used for past events which can no longer be changed. Kind of as an adult version of "Don't cry over spilled milk". It is what it is. The things has happened and you can no longer turn back the time. Better move on with your life. >
  
  Yeah, I've only heard it in that context, too >
  
  It is what it is, it was what it was, it will be what it will be. 
  Honestly, it's not meant to be an excuse for things, it's meant to be an acceptance of things you truly cannot change or predict. 
  I know plenty of people say it how your husband did and ruin it, but one guy I knew LIVED by this. He was truly not going to let anything affect him that he could not change and he still doesn't 10 years later and he's one of the most successful people I know. >
  
  Are your children sims or something? I had no idea mac n cheese addiction was a real thing, now I'm laughing just thinking about how that would even look like. Do they get withdrawal symptoms? Do they became violent when they can't get their next fix? To me your story just sounds like your kids have a favourite food. Addiction is kind of dramatic. >
  
  I hate the phrase "biggest load of bologna", but it is what it is.. 🤷🏽‍♂️ >
  
  B o l o g n a >
  
  it's supposed to be used when there's something happening you wish was different but have no power to change (at least by yourself). >
  
  He's just trying to calm down his clearly overdramatic wife. "Adicted to Mac and cheese" ok sure. >
  
  Well, it is what it is... >
  
  ideezwadedeez >
  
  I have responded to that statement a few times with a slight twist on a line from a Phish song: It isn't what it would be if it wasn't what it is. >
  
  It… of course, in context is the wolfman’s brother >
  
  Op is on a rip complaining about a phrase without any understanding of the meaning or proper usage. Well …. it is what it is. >
  
  I am a fanatic with taking absolute responsibility for my own actions. I prefer to exist in the world where I have agency over my own actions, as apposed to the world where a higher plane of existence is conspiring to ruin my Wheaties. With that said I actually like the saying" it is what is is". One thing I try to avoid more than anything, is getting stuck in the "sunken cost fallacy" . You have to be able to accept loss or a defeat from time to time, as it is not only healthy, but often the correct financial course of action. In the moment, forgive yourself for the error, "it is what is is". Later when you have some distance, review the situation and find what you could have done to avoid the situation. >
  
  I really like this. Thank you for sharing. >
  
  Well, would you rather I say “not my problem and I don’t give a shit” ?? >
  
  Res Ipsa Loquitur >
  
  Bruh it's Mac n Cheese.
  It's fucking delicious.
  They're children.
  You did not make them that way.
  Have you forgotten what happiness is?
  Perhaps try throwing some Chilli or sausage in there too. >
  
  I always respond with "can't be what it ain't" >
  
  I say “well It ain’t what it’s not” >
  
  Que sera sera >
  
  Whatever will be, will be. >
  
  The future’s not ours to see >
  
  I prefer "everyday is a winding road, you get a little bit closer" because people always nod, stop, and then ask: "is that Cheryl Crow" and then I get to laugh. >
  
  I feel like everyone hates this phrase but I find it comforting for a lot of things. The mac and cheese thing would not be a time to use this phrase coz you're right, it waves away having to do anything. But when something in life doesn't go my way, or when there's a situation I just can't change and have to accept? Well my friend, it is what it is. >
  
  I use this phrase constantly - but in a different context.
  "It is what it is" it's accepting the things that cannot be changed and moving past them, getting on with life. If you're using it because you're being lazy then that is clearly the incorrect use of the phrase. >
  
  It is what it is >
  
  It’s what it’s >
  
  It’s what it’s >
  
  Not my problem, I don't give a shit? Really? That's your interpretation? It's simple accepting something that is happening. Your kids love Mac and Cheese. Your post certainly reinforces the idea as fact. Therefore, it is, in fact, what it is. I will tell you what it ain't, an addiction. They liked it. Most kids do but please stop with the dramatics and hyperbole. >
  
  Well, a fellow Mac and cheese enthusiast here…whats wrong with an almost daily diet of mac and cheese? Lol >
  
  Tako je kako je 🤷‍♂️ (same phrase translated to bosnian) >
  
  Your husband is using it incorrectly. 'It is what it is' applies to situations out of your control. Like 10 thousands spoons when all you need is a knife. >
  
  I have a theory about this phrase as it relates to Judge Judy. It seems that the person one would tend to believe is "in the wrong" is often the party that uses this phrase at the end of their case. It doesn't matter if the Judge found in their favor or not. The person using this phrase is justifying any negative results of their own actions. They are accepting because they know they were in the wrong. While the party perceived as "in the right" rarely says "it is what it is" because they are seeking justice, so the results matter to them. >
  
  In my line of work, what you wrote is the context for which “it is what it is” is often applied and it’s frustrating as hell. instead of tackling the issue, the majority at my workplace will nonchalantly dismiss them and use “it is what it is” because it’s easier. >
  
  It's not shifting blame or being ignorant. 
  "It is what it is"
  The profundity of the statement is in the understanding that our lived life and interactions in space-time will continue to be and to have been, and within it, we have a diminishing level of control over occurrences and others' journeys. This then leads to an acceptance that nothing is ever guaranteed, no two days are the same, we'll all die relatively soon and sometimes shit happens. >
  
  I use it when people overcomplicate things.  It is what it is.  Break it down in to simple terms. >
  
  Plus this simple statement helps with stress so much, especially if you have a habit of internalising problems that you’ve no control over >
  
  
  "not my problem and i don't give a shit!"
  
  As someone who uses the phrase quite a bit, I can assure you that most times I use it, I say it when it IS my problem; and I don't give a shit >
  
  It's meant to be used in situations you have no control over, or in a joking way in non-serious situations I guess. Like if I made icing for a cake for myself and the colour came out green instead of blue, I might just go 'oh hell, it is what it is' and continue. Note, non-serious.
  Your husband used it stupidly, no offense. And you're basing your hatred of that beautiful phrase off that daft, mistimed usage. >
  
  It's an easy way to avoid actual thought and logical explanation. >
  
  Stuck on the mac n cheese part, kids LOVE Mac and cheese it literally is what it is >
  
  
  Life’s what you make of it. It’s your responsibility 
  
  Please explain how I was supposed to responsible my way out of my sister dropping dead at 19. 
  I’ve only heard “it is what it is” applied to difficult situations that need to be dealt with.
  Also YOU admit you helped contribute to the Mac and cheese “addiction” so I don’t know why you’d be so ticked off by your husband saying this about a problem YOU actively created. >
  
  Que sera sera. >
  
  But see, that’s so hopeful! There’s still some wiggle room in the future! >
  
  It does apply though, it is what it is can be used simply to accept that certain things are out of a persons control and there is no way to change it as opposed to using it as a “eh not my problem” kind of phrase >
  
  But accepting reality is the first step to changing it. It is what it is, until it isn’t. And in some cases there isn’t anything you can do. Denial of reality is a far worse state to be in. >
  
  If I can’t control the outcome…it is what it is. >
  
  In my experience most people use it as a way to say, “It’s happened, we can’t stop it now.” When used in your described context, yes, it’s very annoying. >
  
  If it is what it is, it’s not what it should’ve been >
  
  I use it to show assholes i wont take their shit. >
  
  Eh, I get where you're coming from, but that phrase makes more sense when you're using it in response to a situation that CANNOT be changed and is completely out of your control. It literally... is what it is. Idk, I personally love the phrase. It's simple but effective. I use it all the time so you probably wouldn't wanna be around me for too long lol >
  
  I adore it. This and "you can only do what you can do" are superb weapons against shitty middle manager types when they're trying to micromanage your shit. >
  
  Hear fucking hear!!!!!!!! >
  
  In your comments, you keep talking about how you should take action, and how there’s always something you can do, and this phrase is a way to get out of responsibility. I don’t see it that way. Tonight, we wanted to get pizza. We’d looked up in advance if a grocery store or pizza delivery place would be open on Christmas. It said they would be. However, today they turned out to be closed anyway. It is what it is. That doesn’t mean we just didn’t eat, we had McDonald’s instead. But, no pizza being available still just is what it is. Nothing we can do about that specifically. On another note, so is my dad being dead. I wish he wasn’t, I’m not going to be sad about it all day every day, especially 9 years on, and that’s exactly why it is just what it is. I can’t change that he’s dead, no use wallowing in it. Instead accept that I can’t change it and move on. >
  
  I think for these things it makes sense.