comment: >
  
  You deserved a delta.
context: /u/MoxiePep (OP) has awarded 2 delta(s) in this post.
  All comments that earned deltas (from OP or other users) are listed here, in /r/DeltaLog.
  Please note that a change of view doesn't necessarily mean a reversal, or that the conversation has ended.
  ^Delta System Explained ^| ^Deltaboards >
  
  I met my wife of 14 years (so far) on match.com. I was an extremely eligible bachelor, a USMC commissioned officer in uniform, 6'4", college educated with a stable job and career that couldn't find a date and resorted to online dating. Online dating was a Godsend for me as I had never successfully asked out a girl. Prom, the book store, the few bars I went to. Nothing. Now that I am older and wiser and have a few more years under my belt, I absolutely had no idea what I was doing. I missed so many dropped hints.
  As an adult, I see many people forming lasting relationships... and these people all have one thing in common. They put themselves out there and have made conscious efforts to expand their social circles. A couple at my pinball club just got engaged. They met... playing pinball. The people I know dating as adults that are not doing the online club are meeting people at bowling leagues, dart leagues, singles events at church, volunteer organizations. 
  The people who are not dating and not meeting people are mostly not taking care of themselves, going straight from work to home, and doing nothing in-between.
  When I was a young extremely eligible bachelor I was falling into the work to home trap with no social activities in-between. The real trick out there is to find something and figure out a way to expand your social circle. That bowling league may sound simple, but try it out. Join a coed softball league. Volunteer at the animal shelter. Do something. The key is, if it is not working for you now, why would whatever you are doing work for you in the future? 
  Now, with my outset in my early 20s I would not have been able to date on my own and would have been frustrated not because of who I was or how I acted but because of what I didn't do. If I were to do it over again I would have been able to date without online dating.
  With that said, today I've played Catan Junior, Uno, and Mario Kart 8 with my kids I have with my beautiful Star Trek book worm nerd of a wife and I couldn't be happier... and we met online. >
  
  I get there needs to something other than work and home but I'm not sure that thing exists for me. Fuck I'm accepted as eccentric at work and I have eccentric roommates who I tolerate as much as they tolerate me
  !Delta this is a me problem not a "the world" problem >
  
  Confirmed: 1 delta awarded to /u/shortadamlewis (15∆).
  ^Delta System Explained ^| ^Deltaboards >
  
  Well online dating is up and dating + casual sex in general is down. So clearly people made it work somehow before....
  Also for plenty of people online dating doesn't work whatsoever.... I almost exclusively match sex workers and robots lol >
  
  So in what way are you attempting to change my view? Yeah people used to make it work more often when online wasn't here. But now it is here and sucks ass like you said >
  
  You said cold approaching doesn't work and never did, but if online dating is the better option we should see more dating going on?
  And if you agree its not functional then I dont really know what your view is lol >
  
  You need to convince me there are other options than online dating for a working adult >
  
  For me I have dated (or attempted to) at work, church, and thru random friends and acquaintances.
  I am considering taking some class at my local community college to meet some ppl >
  
  Hobbies, classes, sports and exercise, travel, social events, house parties, etc. 
  Most people state that they can't easily determine who is open/available to date but that's the wrong approach in my opinion. >
  
  a lot of those activities are not things introverts would go to. And if you were trying to go to a class to meet someone, you are going for the wrong reason >
  
  Introverts are going to have trouble dating full stop. 
  
  that's the wrong approach in my opinion.
  
  I identified it here that you shouldnt be doing anything just to date. Just do thing's and you will end up meeting someone you like. >
  
  fair enough, ill just keep waiting and see what happens.. >
  
  Generally speaking you do have to be generally interesting to all so improve on that rather than improve on "women like me". 
  The biggest rule at the end of the day is you choose to date a person every day, you need to be someone wants everyday, not just a three dates. So work on making friends before everything else. >
  
  I already have more friends than I can consistently spend time with but I understand >
  
  In your own workplace? Meetups for hobbies? Pubs and bars? Parties? Friends of friends? >
  
  Fine I'm a loser, but I'm not the only one! >
  
  Well even if you are, as you say, a loser, these options are still available for you. Don't give up! >
  
  !Delta I was close to giving you one the first time around but you earned it by not giving up >
  
  Thanks buddy! Happy holidays! >
  
  so you're not taking this seriously? >
  
  bruh. he fetched you a link disproving you objectively. I think you don't get the rules at all >
  
  I don't think you get the concept. Changing a person's view takes more than pasting a link. I gave Deltas to people who engaged me on an emotional level. Y'know, what it actually takes to change a view >
  
  My bad, when has an objective fact ever changed an american's mind after all. We here change our views based on emotions! >
  
  I think it's the best option but not the only option. Especially as a dude. I feel very uncomfortable randomly approaching women, and have only ever dated two girls that I didn't meet through school or online dating. One I met at a co-ed softball tournament. She had decent follow through on her swing so I made my move. The other I met while blackout drunk. Both of them ended up being terrible girlfriends who I despised after a couple of months. Currently engaged to an absolute menace that I met online and am super happy with. Only option? absolutely not. Best option? Probably, but it's a grueling process due to the sheer volume of people everyone has access to and the fact that making an appealing profile is easy, being an appealing person is not. Also I've had people try to set me up with others, but that's basically online dating with a facilitator. >
  
  
  Cold approaching in public doesn't work and probably never did.
  
  It does work and always has. Countless people meet this way and have. >
  
  No they have not and they never have. >
  
  I met my partner 14 years ago…at a coffee shop. It’s so cliche - I was new to the city, broke, was 1 week into my new job in this new city, and was eating breakfast at the neighborhood cafe when I saw this beautiful specimen of a man walk in. He was staring at me and I became extremely self conscious because I didn’t have any money for my standard beauty routine, and thought he could see all of it. After a few minutes, he came by and asked if he could sit down with me. My response, which was yes, was so unlike me because I’d NEVER given male strangers the time of day (stranger danger kind of thing). Fast forward, we have been together since and have an amazing daughter together. 
  It hasn’t been a fairytale life since that day but it has been a life well spent thus far. I’d tried a few online dating sites prior to then (Match, eHarmony, Shaadi.com, etc) but I had no luck. Plus, I found the people I spoke with or met to not be honest folks which turned me off from the online route - I get that people feel they need to play themselves up a bit, even IRL, but what I was seeing was egregious. 
  Looking back over these past few years, I have learned why I’m here now:
  - I did something completely outside of my comfort zone when I said “yes” to him
  - I didn’t judge the book by the cover or even the prologue; visually and on paper, he wasn’t someone I could have brought home to mom
  - Since day 1, this has been a practice in being and remaining open minded and open hearted 
  I think online dating can be a great way to get things started, but what keeps people interested in staying together are the things that we humans do with each other in real life. So even if you want to stick with online dating, I would encourage you to “practice” making real life connections with acquaintances and even strangers. I really think this will help even your online connections become more meaningful. >
  
  Go to events, find hobbies, stuff like that. I’m a working adult too, I know what it was like. My partner is a working adult too and we met at a quizz night organized by some random pub in my town. >
  
  Even then walking up to a girl in the gym is also weird they might think your a creep who has been creeping on her and only wants sex. >
  
  I live in South Africa. I am 52. No, i am not the ugliest or biggest peanut in the packet. I take excellent care of myself to the point i have been told i look 35 and people do not believe me when i twll them my true age. That being said...it is, inmy country extremely dangerous to for a woman to go out at night alone, especially to a bar. I go to work and i go home. Honestly, i am afraid of people. My family lives a 4 hour drive from me so they cannot come running if i get into trouble. My colleagues are all 15 to 20 years my junior so the social circles are vastly different. I am emglish speaking in an afrikaans, family town.so options are limited to find a simgle man  (Yes, i speak better afrikaans than most afrikaans people, but i get uncomfortable in one on one situations and fall back on my home language). I am a relatively good looking woman...would you invite me to lunch with your husband if you were not taking care of yourself?. My best friends don't, why would you?. So i gave up dating and friends completely. there is no replacement for that perdonal touch. Smile. Spark in the eye. Butterflies in the stomach. Skin on skin, Etc. So no...oine dating is not something i have thought to entertain. >
  
  you find when you stop looking... >
  
  That only really works for some people. I stopped looking for 8 years. I was single for 8 years. I started looking and 1.5 years I was married. 
  What a lot of people don't realize is that "stop looking" means enjoy solitude for many people. For example I was really into video games. I wouldn't bother leaving the house if I didn't want to find someone to date/marry. I'm perfectly happy at home clicking away. >
  
  There are loads of other options. The most straightforward one: Just date one of your friends. Or get one of your friends to set you up with one of their single friends. Or go make more friends, then do the preceding. >
  
  Goddamn I didn't realize there were so many chads on /r/changemyview. With so many friends to date >
  
  OP are you planning on engaging with anything here or do u want to continue commenting about how lonely and unsucessful you are? >
  
  I don’t get it. What’s wrong with online dating? >
  
  Oh I thought it was common knowledge on reddit. No matches, no replies, bots, spam, onlyfans promos, shallow arbitrary standards, ghosting etc. >
  
  I don’t doubt that some of the apps are full of bots or whatever, but there are genuine people online looking to meet people. 
  I don’t personally see a huge difference between online dating and regular dating. You just use the app to make an introduction before you meet for a traditional date. >
  
  Heard of going to a bar? Something us adults do to meet new people & hang out with friends. Maybe it's just because I am younger but I don't see how that's not the most prevalent option to meet other people. >
  
  
  Something us adults do to meet new people
  
  I have never met someone who went to a bar for that. Most people I know who go to bars do it in a large group and anyone who tries to infiltrate that group will be considered a weirdo. >
  
  Maybe I just spend too much time at bars then. I consider myself rather outgoing & most of the friends I've met since moving to a new city was thru my favorite sports bar and the billiards league that I joined that plays at a few local bars. >
  
  Yeah, no one dated before the internet. It was weird, there were somehow more and less glory holes all at once. 
  But seriously, if you need your phone to get a date, take some money, go get a motel for a week in a city you’ve never been to, and go talk to people. Try it out on people you never have to see again. 
  Ffs >
  
  How hard is it to say 'hi' at the supermarket or the laundry? Just ask her/his name. Take it from there. Most people are lonely and feel they're the only one feeling that way. Just ask their name, if they walk away, that's their problem. They probably at home or in the car saying 'I should of said 'hi'.. damn. >
  
  I never understood this. What are the chances of a rando in a supermarket being a good match for you? At least on dating apps you more or less get to pick someone based on their bio and interests. How is saying "hi" to strangers in shops any better? >
  
  I made the big fat fucking mistake of introducing my older brother to the world of online dating. He now sleeps with an average of 4 girls a week. That is not what I meant when I said it's a great way to meet people 🥲 >
  
  and that coomer will get what he deserves when he ends up getting someone pregnant or an STD. >
  
  Yup >
  
  Online dating is the dating worlds equivalent to going to the dollar tree. >
  
  
  Church used to be a place people meet but Church attendance isn't ubiquitous anymore
  
  I agree this is the case, but IMO given the often coarse and shallow nature of online dating, this is in fact an excellent reason more people should actively get involved with a religion. If you don't want to be a Christian or relate to the version Christianity dominant in your area, I totally get that.
  For example, if you live in the Deep South but you don't like the charismatic megachurch version of Christianity, you can instead go to a Catholic or Orthodox Church if it suits you better, or if you prefer the culture or values of Catholicism or, say, that of the Copts to that of the mainstream American South. Even if you don't believe in a deity or spirit, religions like Buddhism are do not in fact require it; there's even a school called Secular Buddhism. And if you're on campus and of, say, Catholic orientation, there are Newman Centres on many campuses where you can get involved.
  Just because traditional church attendance is no longer ubiquitous doesn't mean you can't practice it. >
  
  What happens if your church doesn't have enough single men or women (depending on what you are looking for)? Go to one that does? >
  
  It is for people who are unable to function normally in ordinary society. As long as you are participating in public, social environments, you will meet someone. The catch is that your odds of meeting someone who is actually available quickly drops the older you become. This is to be expected since you should be starting a family reasonably young. >
  
  Do you have meetup.com groups in your area? >
  
  I'm aware of the concept. Maybe I'll try it once I lose a shit ton of weight >
  
  If you are lonely and interested in a relationship, don’t put off socializing until you lose a shit ton of weight. Putting conditions on yourself will just create a negative headspace that will get in the way of recognizing opportunities if they do present themselves! 
  I have been single for 10 years, I am chubby and disabled. The dating scene is scary as hell and very overwhelming to lots of us! You are not alone. Personally, I have a hard time handling my own life, but am endeavoring to focus on finding my happiness in my reality first. If you can find peace and happiness within your life now, it will make it that much easier to meet someone wherever that might be. (I know that is easy enough to say.)
  I consider my time in public as opportunities to engage with others. It does not have to be meaningful. Just saying hello to someone, being friendly, being less introverted than I am naturally, is great practice and a way to show myself that I am a damn nice person and the people in the world are a hell of a lot nicer than it seems when I am isolated at home alone. 
  Anyway, give yourself a break. There are so many ways to meet others - give yourself time and patience to figure out what works for you. Sending you best wishes!