comment: >
  
  Don't jump to conclusions based on one conversation. She might drink baby blood.
context: This is a friendly reminder to read our rules.
  Remember, /r/Showerthoughts is for showerthoughts, not "thoughts had in the shower!"
  (For an explanation of what a "showerthought" is, please read this page.)
  Rule-breaking posts may result in bans. >
  
  I have spent years, YEARS, learning to be social and normal, using correct body language,  not turning bright red and sweating when talking to people...speech classes,  non verbal communication,  acting classes,  psychology,  sociology,  social psychology....but F when I think it's going okay and someone tells me Log is just to much, is too friendly,  is trying to hard - it makes my heart hurt. 
  Yes, I am trying...every damn day- because I became tired of sitting in my house paralyzed with social phobia...ugh.  Those mean comments make me want to crawl back in my hole.
  Those few kind people - Those few patient empathic people I've met along my journey make all the work worth it. 
  Keep at it - even when it hurts.
  
  Thank you all for the upvotes,  thoughtful opinions,  empathy,  personal stories,  and sharing! >
  
  This is a good moment to engage your rational brain and think: "What would my reaction be if I noticed somebody who apparently struggled with socializing making an effort to be friendly and outgoing? If somebody shits on their efforts, what are their reasons for doing so?"
  As a socially anxious person you likely view yourself as being in an inherently inferior position and imagine that everyone else has it all figured out, the trick is in realizing that most people have their own psychological hangups and if they react badly to you it could very well be because of issues in their own development and nothing to do with you whatsoever. >
  
  I think many people are stuck in high school there without realizing it.
  If you're weird trying to make friends in high school, saying stupid stuff or being too friendly, kids will judge you and be mean to you, and it can make you feel you don't fit.
  In the adult world, most people won't really care. Maybe they won't return your friendliness, but failure does not matter. Nothing really bad will happen if you don't say the right thing, or if the person just doesn't really want your friendliness. That's why you can continue until someone reciprocates.
  In short, the fear of failure in social situations, often developed in teenage years, should not stop you as an adult. >
  
  A lot of work environments are worse than high schools on this front. Just because the people around you are older now doesn’t really mean you’re surrounded by adults.
  The difference is a limited power to change who you surround yourself with. But for a lot of people switching jobs is a huge investment when possible at all, so if you’re stuck at a job with hundreds of shitty coworkers, many of whom didn’t even finish high school—well, it’s like being stuck in high school but without the benefit of the few good adults supervising things. Now you have adult children supervising things.
  And even in higher paying workplaces… It’s more like a college prep school, but still a direct high school analogue in terms of privilege, cliques, and the petty bullshit they tell you will be over when you’re no longer school age. 
  You can develop a social circle outside of work, yes, but that is a privilege for people who have the time and disposable income.
  I guess what I’m saying is many people are stuck in high school and they DO realize it. >
  
  Well I'm sorry your experience with people has been bad. >
  
  If this is true then there aren't many good people that my weird ass meets >
  
  It's not, it's just idealistic thought that mostly works if you put yourself into main character-esque role. It's doesn't matter if they're good or not, you can't expect people to just adapt to your lack of skill and accept you into their circles unconditionally. In reality if you believe they are good people you can probably solve it way better by just communicating your lack of skill somehow. >
  
  Yeah this is very situation dependent. 
  If I'm at a bar with a couple friends and a stranger comes up and is acting weird I'm not going to acknowledge their attempt to socialise, I'm going to either move on or ask them to leave.
  I get 2 evenings off per week, and probably go out to have fun two evenings a month, I don't owe strangers my time on those nights if I find them weird or off-putting. >
  
  
  If I'm at a bar with a couple friends and a stranger comes up and is acting weird I'm not going to acknowledge their attempt to socialise, I'm going to either move on or ask them to leave.
  
  Yeah, most people are like this. Not having time is one thing, but they talk about it like they're somehow better than the "weird" people. It's like a badge of honor for them to turn their nose up at someone and say "you are so undeserving of my time that I'm not even going to acknowledge that you tried."
  I always have to be the one to welcome them into the conversation, and sure enough, after a few minutes everyone realizes they're not so weird after all, they were just having trouble expressing themselves. Occasionally we end up being friends.
  Anyway, I recognize your effort to communicate your honest opinion. And your lack of basic human respect is sickening. >
  
  Hahaha wtf are you on about. >
  
  You make me sick. Does that make sense, or do I need to dumb it down further? >
  
  The way you speak to people speaks to a horrible inhumanity in yourself.
  How you can sleep at night with such vitriol in your twisted heart that you'd say that to someone you barely know I'll never be able to comprehend.
  Hang your head in shame. >
  
  Lol idk why you thought I would care about the opinion of some weirdo. Go hang out with your friends at the bar. >
  
  Haha I'm only winding you up mate, I'm sure your a nice bloke. >
  
  I wish I could say the same for you. >
  
  It has less to do with being good and more with the social skills of the recipient of said efforts >
  
  I was about to say the same thing. People who have good social skills generally know how to adapt and interact with all sorts of people.
  People with lower level social skills tend to either have difficulty reading others and how to respond in turn or only know how to interact with only one type of person. Teenagers often go through a phase of being uncomfortable with anyone outside their social circle not because they're stuck up, but because they lack confidence due to underdeveloped social skills. >
  
  Fresh lesson from just the other day, don't try to adopt or appease strangers too much. There's a limit. Stranger on the plane was telling me about taxi drivers and how they rip him off, and I decided to play along. I was like "yeah man it happened to me the other day" then he proceeded to loudly explain how he carries fake dollar bills so he can defraud them when he goes to impoverished countries. Everyone was looking at both of us like assholes, like I was in cahoots with him. >
  
  I see what you mean and how you interpreted my words. To clarify, adapting doesn't mean agreeing with someone. It's more about adapting your level of communication. Perhaps you need to use simpler language, perhaps the person is very extraverted and you can mirror their energy, maybe the other person is a little shy and anxious, so you use a calmer tone with them. That sort of thing. >
  
  
  and you can mirror their energy 
  the person is very extroverted 
  
  My social battery went straight to 0 (╯°□°）╯ >
  
  As an introvert, maintaining the social battery drain while acting extroverted is a skill many can learn.
  I just view it as a game/task with rules and conditions and it helps me. >
  
  Good people can lack situational awareness. Doesnt stop them from being good people. >
  
  One of my best buds is a great guy, but he’s not very insightful, which sometimes causes him to hurt people without realizing it just because he didn’t think about how the person would take what he’s about to say. He’s still an awesome guy, but situational awareness is something that’s important to work on if you don’t have much of it. >
  
  “We’re all a little weird and life’s a little weird; so, when you finally find someone who’s weirdness is compatible with your’s, you fall into mutual wired mess and call it love.” -Dr. Seuss >
  
  Dr Seuss is about the last mf to be talking about love >
  
  Enlighten me, please >
  
  Cheated on his wife when she had terminal cancer >
  
  Aaaand then she killed herself >
  
  With the cancer, or did she find another way? >
  
  OD'ed on barbiturates >
  
  Just today we had a party for my son's 4th. There was a woman there I've never met, a mother of a Kinder friend. She seemed shy, a little awkward and unsure of how to be. But when I told her how much my kid talked about her kid and how good friends they were, she blossomed with joy. It seemed so important to her for her daughter to be liked. I spent some time with her chatting about our kids and she really opened up. 
  I really appreciated her coming to a new and unfamiliar place, outside of her comfort zone just so her kid could celebrate with my son. It was so nice for her to be present, even if she was socially awkward. She's a good person and a good mum