comment: >
  
  
  However she is iffy on having kids and ive wanted to be a dad. In my mind, im more than willing to give up desire to be a father to stay with her. Below is my reasoning.
  
  That's it. That's the end of it really. It's something that you are willing to compromise on. But many are not, and that's okay. It really is one of the things that is a relationship ender. 
  
  Theres NO guarantee youd find someone you truly love again.
  
  Fine, so you have a choice to make. 
  
  Those people consistently have worse lives and less happiness than childless couples who are genuinely in love.
  
  Are these childless couples childless by choice? Are they two people who have both decided they want to be child free? Or do you know that one of them compromised on their want to have children? 
  
  I hate the idea of tearing apart a loving relationship in order to have a chance of achieving a hypothetical objective (having kids) while also banking on finding someome who comes close to replicating the love with a current partner.
  
  Again, this is all very specific to you, and that's fine! But it's not something to base your view of an entire complex situation on. (A situation that very heavily relies on personal wants and preferences of the individuals involved.)
  
  Your partners life purpose is not to be your means and method for procreating. 
  
  This is so wrong. No one (no one worthwhile anyway) thinks their partner is purely for children. What people want is to find someone compatible with them and their life goals. No one should force their partner into having or not having kids.
  
  If youd break up with your partner due to wanting a kid, it means you see more value in them helping you achieve parenthood as opposed to seeing value in their companinship and the relationship between husband and wife.
  
  Some people want a family and that's okay. It doesn't mean that you don't value your partner. It just means you're both adult enough to accept that you have a non-negotiable difference.
  
  In a situation where two people really love each other, but have very hard stances i think the partner who wants the kid should make the sacrifice as i have.
  
  No, you should make that sacrifice, because it suits you. You shouldn't judge other people for their choices.
context: i personally would rather not be a father and stay with my current girlfriend (soon to be wife) then start all over and hope everything works out.
  
  I'm not sure what view you want changed here. You, personally, are willing to forego children to stay in a relationship. Many people are not. They want children and feel their lives will be incomplete without them.
  Those people should probably break up.
  That's not your priority. Ok? >
  
  The view I want to debate on and be challenged on is that it isn't wise to break up with someone solely due having differences in the kids vs no kids debate.   
  My question to your response is what are the reasons one might feel "incomplete" without having a kid? The main ones I can think of are societal pressure (everyone else is having babies and my parents want grand children) and values from how you were raised (was always taught that having kids was a must do in life and its shameful not to have them).  
  I understand that parenthood can be very fulfilling. Afterall, my parents and I have a great relationship. I'm just of the opinion that if you love your partner very strongly and they don't want kids, you're taking a massive gamble by breaking it off and could very well not find another ideal partner. Basically, I'd rather live in a very good, but not perfect house rather than blow up the foundation and hope i find the perfect home one day. >
  
  Except you are viewing the relationship as independent of children.
  For some people, what they want is to raise children with the specific person they are dating.  The two are inseparable goals.  Rephrased, some people view having a family as the ultimate manifestation of their love for their spouse (or significant other).  It would be hard for that person to say, “I’m okay with love, but not with the deepest form of love for me.” >
  
  yes i am and I think that is important. Relationships serve an important purpose beyond procreation.   
  However I fully understand this perspective about a family being a very pure form of love. I also think if it's truly a deal breaker, you should not string along the other partner >
  
  So your telling me only religious people want kids lol is it that hard to understand some people want kids and aren't willing to take no for an answer >
  
  That was a mistake comment meant for another poster. See my edits >
  
  You absolutely should  if it is really important to you.
  A marriage, at its core, it two people partnering to help achieve the things that they want in life.  The two together can achieve things that they can't achieve (or would have greater difficulty achieving) alone.  Being aligned on the things that you want to achieve is paramount to that partnership being successful.
  Now, of course, you will disagree on some things - compromise it a part of any partnership and you wont' always get 100% of the things that you want - but you have to be aligned on the big, really important stuff.  If you are not, it just leads to one partner feeling they have sacrificed more than the other, which breeds resentment and will ultimately cause the marriage to fail.  
  You only get one ride on this rollercoaster, so you shouldn't sacrifice the big things you want to achieve in life for anyone else.  You should instead find someone who is aligned with you on those things so that you can both push towards them together.
  Now, maybe having kids isn't one of your big life goals - in that case, by all means, compromise with your partner.  If it is one of your big life goals, don't sacrifice it.  You'll just end up unhappy and unfulfilled. >
  
  I see what you're saying, but I believe marriage and all relationships should be love based, not practicality based. At least if your goal is to maximize happiness.If your goal is to achieve specific life objectives (children, certain financial status, etc.) above all else, then I agree with you fully.
  My issue is that in my mind, breaking up with someone due to wanting kids is basically devaluing the relationship between husband and wife. I want kids, but I also want a very loving, loyal, and adventuresome wife who I"ll wake up next to happy all day. I was single all throughout my early and mid 20s, dated around a good bit, and never found anyone remotely close to what I want in a long term partner as my current wife.
  I'm not convinced giving that up just to be a father is the right decision for me (or anyone really). Hence my earlier point about personally knowing a lot of unhappy married couples that are only together due to kids. >
  
  
  I believe marriage and all relationships should be love based, not practicality based.
  
  It needs to be both.  Love is an important part of any relationship, but love alone isn't enough.  You need to be aligned on what you want to achieve in life.  The old "opposites attract" mantra doesn't lead to happy relationships - the sharing of core beliefs and values does.  The only way the partnership works for decades is if the two of you are aligned on where you want to go together.
  
  My issue is that this is basically devaluing the relationship between husband and wife.
  
  Not at all.  Its just saying that a relationship needs to have a foundation of mutual goals that you are working towards.  If you are misaligned on what you are trying to achieve together, the partnership won't work long-term.  The value of the relationship is both of you working to help achieve the things that you both want.
  
  I'm not convinced giving that up just to be a father is the right decision for me (or anyone really). 
  
  You need to figure that out first.  If you are worried that you'll seriously regret not having kids one day, then you are committing to having an unhappy life by staying with your partner.  Neither you nor your partner should want that for you.
  
  Hence my earlier point about personally knowing a lot of unhappy married couples that are only together due to kids.
  
  That's a different issue.  Unhappy people shouldn't stay together just for the kids. >
  
  I really appreciate these points. You've come the closest to truly changing my mindset on this and I thank you for providing thoughtful answers.
  Your point about foundation of mutual goals is especially true. I guess what it comes down to is you have to literally weigh all pros and cons. My girlfriend and I are aligned on 90% plus of long term goals. (e.g. what we want to do with finances, how we want to live our every day lives, shared hobbies, vacations, views on how to handle adversity, etc.).  
  Maybe my case is a classic example of wanting kids being only a small fraction of the total life objective, but for others, it's a massive portion and the other stuff (finances, shared hobbies, etc.) isn't as crucial. In those case it'd defintiely be a harder decision >
  
  
  My girlfriend and I are aligned on 90% plus of long term goals.
  
  Which is good - compromise is a cornerstone of good relationships.
  That said, the absolute percentage doesn't matter.  Everyone has "deal breakers" - things that they can't compromise on else they end up living an unhappy life.  It doesn't matter if you are 99% aligned - if that 1% is one of your deal breakers, then the relationship isn't going to work.
  You have to decide if having kids is one of your deal breakers.  No one here can answer that for you.  All we can say is if it is one of your deal breakers, then don't pretend that you'll be happy giving it up.  You won't be, and you'll just end up resenting your partner for making you. >
  
  On point 3, it’s not that simple. You can really value your partner while also realizing that you will regret not having kids later, but also respect the fact you can’t change who your partner is. 
  Kids are a big damn deal. If you are ok giving up the idea of fatherhood, then that is your choice. But if a guy really wants kids and he meets a women who doesn’t want them, and he can’t give up the idea of fatherhood because that is the life he wants, then it doesn’t say anything bad about him for leaving her. 
  There are many instances of men staying with a partner who says they don’t want kids, but they stay with the hope she will change her mind. Then resentment builds. The advice “leave because there’s no compromise with kids” is really for people who think they can change their partner’s mind