comment: >
  
  This seems like it happens globally once every 5 years? Pulling that out of my butt obviously, I’d say I’ve seen this same story w/other people in the news a couple of times in my life
context: "The hospice facility has been fined." Yeah that'll show 'em. >
  
  In my state, the fine would be waived if they submitted a corrective action plan. >
  
  "make sure dead people are actually dead" boom, fine averted. >
  
  "the facility has agreed to self-monitor the progress and submit an annual summary report" >
  
  "The facility has performed an internal investigation and found that the fault was on the client." >
  
  “How dare she not be dead.” >
  
  I want to be left in a room for at least a week after being declared dead before they start burning me. I also want one of those Victorian death bells, just in case. >
  
  I’d like to be left alone for a week in a room right now. Might finally get some stuff done. >
  
  My kids would still find me. They'll always find a way. >
  
  We lost something expensive in our house, recently, and we just joked we should bring our mutual friends toddlers over, and tell them that under no circumstances, were they allowed to touch the thing.  Maybe add in that it was dangerous (it wasn't).  
  We would've had it back in 5 minutes, tops. >
  
  A cat takes longer-like 1-2 days but same results. 
  Ant trap with poison? Found batting it.
  Wedding band that fell on the floor in the bathroom. Found batting it.
  Lose pill next to your night stand. Found batting it. >
  
  Yep, tell a cat they aren’t allowed to touch it. Guaranteed they will be batting it around the room within 2 mins. >
  
  Don't even have to tell them. I'm pretty sure they are telepathic. >
  
  Going by the intense, concentrated stare they focus on me when they want food, they sure seem to think they are. >
  
  I can't tell if I'm bad at understanding them or if they are bad at communicating. But after a decade with the same cat, I can tell maybe 30% of what he wants a given moment which he seems to appreciate. >
  
  One of my fears. The thought of it just sounds awful. >
  
  I shudder at the thought of the funeral home employees not catching this in time and throwing her in the cremator. >
  
  Pretty sure they drain the blood before cremation.  So at least you wouldn't die by burning alive. >
  
  They do not >
  
  Depends on the deceased.
  If they have certain kinds of implanted medical devices they have to be removed before cremation, so the cadaver is drained before they open the body cavity to remove them.
  Did you know that when a funeral home or morgue drains a body of all it's blood that it is simply washed down the drains?  That's right, sewerage treatment plants that clean out piss and shit, also clean out human blood on as large of a scale. >
  
  Nah, they’ll just cut out pacemakers.  No need to remove all the fluids unless they’re embalming. >
  
  Getting a pacemaker out of a drained body is cleaner than digging into a human sized blood bag.
  And there are more than just pacemakers that have to be removed. >
  
  "Big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive." >
  
  "With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do." >
  
  "Go through their pockets and look for loose change." >
  
  Was talking about this with my aunt and uncle last night.
  Apparently the reason my ancestors left Sicily was because my great-grandpa was buried alive and it freaked them all out so much that they left. They had left him out for 3 days after he "died", buried him, then shortly after heard thudding. Dug him up, and he was suffocated but had been punching and clawing at the coffin. This was in the late 1800s. They came to the US after that because it traumatized them.
  Also when covid first happened my grandma was in a nursing home and got it and was pronounced dead by the people working there, and when the funeral home came to get her they found she still had a pulse. She lived another 2 weeks!
  I feel like being mistakenly thought to be dead runs in my family. >
  
  This story gives me What Remains of Edith Finch vibes >
  
  Which one? >
  
  Both lol. It’s a game about a family of weird deaths >
  
  Also, once my mom told me my aunt had died of starvation (she had dementia) and had been eaten by her dog so we wouldnt have a funeral, and then a few months later and thanksgiving my aunt was there, alive of course, and it turned out my mom had lied to me because she had power of attorney over my aunt and stole her money and didnt want anyone to contact her. She got caught and went to trial and everything. >
  
  Jesus christ >
  
  I didn't think two mistaken death stories would be topped by OP but here we are. >
  
  
  Her "mouth was open, her eyes were fixed, and there were no breath sounds," the report says, adding that a nurse was unable to locate the woman's pulse using her stethoscope.
  The nurse put her hand on the woman's abdomen and "noted no movement,” the report says. The nurse presumed the resident had died and notified a family member and the on-call hospice nurse, according to the report.
  
  ~~Yeah in most states this would not be allowed. Most states do not allow nurses to declare someone is deceased, usually requires a doctor or medical examiner to make that declaration.~~
  EDIT I’ve received numerous comments about how it’s different in hospice care and how 2 RNs are allowed to pronounce death. I also was getting confused between pronouncing death vs who can sign off on a death certificate. My apologies. >
  
  maybe she was one of the 7,600 nurses with fake credentials. >
  
  That article confused me. Were they selling what essentially amounts to diplomas, but then the buyers still had to take National Nursing exams to be nurses? Or were they selling the full package of a diploma plus a passing grade for exam? Seems wild that the buyers could take the exams and pass after no schooling, maybe that exam needs to be investigated. I guess maybe they were just studying for the test but I believe most of them have a practical element right? >
  
  They were purchasing a diploma and history of the required clinical hours. IIRC about 37% passed the licensing exam which does not have a practical element. >
  
  Ok I see, in that case they could have just studied for the exam. Are they going after these fraudulent nurses? >
  
  That's up to the individual states. So maybe some of them, but probably not all. >
  
  Jeez, you think if they had a list of names it would be a done deal. The licensing exam is only one of the qualifications. Plus, if you are okay with the ethical choice of cheating the system like that, where else will your ethics slip? 
  You’d think the states would want to avoid lawsuits in the future. If I or a loved one was hurt by one of these fraud nurses, I’d sure as hell go after the state board that allowed them to be licensed without the proper training. >
  
  
  Plus, if you are okay with the ethical choice of cheating the system like that, where else will your ethics slip? 
  
  Man, if you think ethics play into it, you're gonna have a rude awakening. >
  
  Moroccan joke:
  A doctor pronounces a man dead, as the undertaker begins to bury him, the man claws out of his coffin and yells "I'm still alive!"
  "Do you know better than the doctor?!" The undertaker hits him with the shovel >
  
  "No girl wants to marry a doctor who can't tell if a man's dead or not." >
  
  She was brought to a local hospital and pronounced dead.  She was then brought to a better hospital where she was upgraded to alive. >
  
  Pretty good upgrade if you ask me. >
  
  Should've sprung for the turbo. >
  
  “Gasping” is a stretch. She was alive and obviously had labored breathing in the body bag upon delivery and opening, but she wasn’t responsive and died 2 days later back in hospice. She was checked out already, but everyone involved in pronouncing her dead was in the wrong. The funeral home is in the clear, however the only reason they’d have her sent all the way across town would be because it’s a crematorium, so she was not far from point of no return. Source: I live here and my grandpa was cremated at that funeral home. He was definitely dead already though. >
  
  I don't know how much expertise goes into being a professional Dead Declarer but I feel like if it was my only job I would have a 100% success rate. >
  
  Honestly not that much.  The process of verification itself is easy as long as you do it properly.
  1- check the patient’s ID
  2- check for a carotid pulse
  3-  auscultate for heart sounds for 3 minutes
  4- auscultate for breath sounds for 3 minutes
  5- check that pupils are both fixed and dilated
  6- check for response to centralised stimulus
  7- check for withdrawal response (or grimace) in response to painful stimulus
  8- include other evidence (asystole on ECG etc)
  The only time this doesn’t happen is when there are injuries incompatible with life like… their head is missing or something.
  Where people get complacent is with the 3+3 minutes of heart and breath sounds. If the patient is hypothermic you may barely hear/feel signs of life. As they say: “they’re not dead until they’re warm and dead”. >
  
  This is a living hell. She wakes up presumably dead but is alive, and dies two days later. >
  
  She was unresponsive and the hospice specialises in Alzheimer's and dementia. I don't think she was aware. >
  
  Quick clarification: the facility and hospice company are separate. The facility she was living at specializes in Alzheimer’s and a separate hospice company was providing their cares for her while she lived there. >
  
  Elaborate attempt to escape Iowa. >
  
  End up in Ohio 💀 >
  
  Staff on scene all shat themselves >
  
  I’ve worked in death care for 20 years. My joke is “If you ever see me running down the street screaming. You should probably head in the direction I’m going.” >
  
  Hell no - I've seen these films. You got bit first and are keeping it a secret until we find somewhere defensible to fort up.
  I'm heading at 90 degrees to your path and finding an old, strongly built pub. >
  
  “Don’t stop me now, I’m having such a good time. I’m having a ball” >
  
  
  been fined $10,000 after it mistakenly presumed a woman dead hours before she was discovered gasping for air inside a body bag at a funeral home
  
  Thats it? >
  
  Max under Iowa law
  Family can also sue, but not sure how effective that'd be if they couldn't prove that she was aware of what was happening (also maybe some sort of negligent tort that doesn't require awareness of the person could be argued, not sure what Iowa laws are on that) >
  
  And given that the woman was in hospice and had advanced dementia, that would be difficult to prove. 
  Sick a fucked up story though. >
  
  “We Schrutes don't need some Harvard doctor to tell us who's alive and who's dead. 
  But, there was an unlucky streak of burying some heavy sleepers. And, when grave robbers discovered some scratch marks on the inside of some of the coffins, we decided to make sure that our dead were completely dead. 
  Out of kindness.” >
  
  Back in the day they had what is called a wake. They would put you on the table and throw a party to see if you wake up >
  
  It used to take place in the parlor of your house. But everyone wanted to stop hosting wakes in their own house, so they changed the name of parlor to living room. >
  
  I don't see how those are related:
  etymology: parlor
  
  "the ordinary sitting room of a family."
  
  etymology: living room
  
  "room set up for ordinary family or social use, sitting-room,"
  
  Whether or not wakes were held there seems to make little difference. >
  
  So if you live in old enough house, some one had their wake in it... >
  
  I remember transporting a dying woman to hospice and her breathing and pulse were all over the place. Sometimes the space between breathes was so long, I thought she was dead, but then a gasp would come. I could hardly feel her pulse and the pulse ox was showing a huge range of readings. It was a stressful ride but we got her there. May she rest in peace >
  
  "Is she dead?"
  "No, she's just an Iowan.  That's how they look." >
  
  if it makes anyone feel better, the patient was probably sufficiently in a coma to not be aware of anything going on around her during all the craziness. I’ve seen people with agonal breathing sometimes go a looooooong time between breaths and cardiac activity so soft you really can’t hear a heart beat, even with a good stethoscope (not all stethoscopes are good, some are just stethoscope-shaped pieces of garbage). >
  
  That's what I was thinking. It sounded like they were describing agonal breathing. >
  
  I am not convinced the nurse was wrong to declare the patient dead.
  It sounds like she was on the brink, and may have shut down for a while.
  Even if her heart and lungs started up again a few minutes later, it's entirely possible she was indeed clinically dead at the moment the nurse checked on her.
  Multiple people handled her. Any of them could have noticed signs of life, but none did until almost two hours later. Maybe there weren't any signs of life.
  Maybe she was really out for a bit, but the medical definition of "dead" doesn't account for some potential to spontaneously revive for some amount of time. >
  
  Oof. New fear unlocked. >
  
  For profit hospice and health care at work >
  
  Hospice is paid on a per diem base. It does not benefit them to call time of death early. Add to that, it was the facility nurse, not the hospice nurse, that declared death prematurely.
  The article mislabeled Glen Oaks as a "hospice facility", but it's a nursing home that hospice just visits. Ultimately care falls on the facility staff with hospice support, so it doesn't seem like it's even the hospice's fault.  I've had patients on my hospice that died in nursing homes and they don't even call us. We find out they've died when we get there to do a visit. >
  
  Why are nurses declaring death anyway? >
  
  Because in some situations and states, they're allowed to.
  When I worked in nursing facilities (as a CNA and LPN, I'm an RN in a hospital now), we didn't always have a doctor on-site; they were often just on-call (and good luck getting them to respond in a timely manner). If a patient/client was suspected to have died, RN would assess and then a second RN would assess. If they both agreed there were no objective signs of life (pulse checked in multiple locations, apical pulse, no visible respiration, no sounds on auscultation, etc), they'd call the on-call doctor with their findings and he'd declare the TOD and make the order to release the client. >
  
  We checked pupils too and i'd throw on a pulse ox for good measure. but yeah , two nurses. 
  however, the convo with the ED doc went like this "What? I'm slammed, you do it. click" >
  
  Atleast her family got to be with her two days later as she passed >
  
  This is literally my mom's worst nightmare. I hope she does not see this. 
  Or maybe she should. And then she will just keep living out of not only spite as I say now (she was given 6 months to live years ago) but also fear. Fear is a great motivator >
  
  Welp my biggest fear in life is REAL >
  
  I both adore and hate when my fears are validated. >
  
  Glen Oaks....more like Shady Pines if you ask me >
  
  Well that is just horrifying. 
  That poor funeral director is literally never going to be the same. >
  
  That must have been scary as hell for the funeral home staff. Can you imagine working there and one of the body bags starts moving… >
  
  Fuck, she’s 66 and in a nursing home due to “senile degeneration of the brain”? While I know early-onset Alzheimer’s is a thing, that’s also terrifying. I wish we knew what else was going on with this lady that she was presumed dead. >
  
  Am I the only one surprised by the lack of Monty Python gifs (Bring out your dead)? >
  
  She's dead, Jim! Oh, wait. >
  
  I'm just a doctor, Jim. Oh wait. >
  
  Did anyone try tickling her? >
  
  Buck was off that day >
  
  This is one of my worst fears. >
  
  Don't these bags have glow-in-the-dark interior zippers , seems like an oversight lol
  If a cars trunks can have and escape handle, slap one in a body bag >
  
  I'm not dead! I'm happy! I think I'll go for a walk. >
  
  CLANG! Bring out your dead! >
  
  She didn't have an urge to bite people did she...? >
  
  Might I presume this woman is now pissed? >
  
  No she's dead. >
  
  "Saved by the bell" 
  Bells were used at one time, with a string attached to it, and tied to the person in the coffin, for similar situations. >
  
  Dead Ringers >
  
  Great now we gotta put the zipper handles on the inside too?!?! >
  
  I used to work at a funeral home. It was my first job. This guy that worked there told me about the time he started embalming a guy and blood started shooting out of the incision made on the neck. Meaning the heart was still pumping. The family called the funeral home asking if he was dead because they weren’t sure. And he said, “he is now” >
  
  And this, is how the Legend of Jesus was born. Fell into a coma for 3 days, and then came out of it. No medical professionals (or equipment) back then could tell the difference between death and coma, so their simple minds explained it however they could. >
  
  Well I'm sure the cremation furnace helped with that >
  
  
  Well I'm sure the cremation furnace helped with that
  
  Technically, it's called a "cremation retort". Just thought you might like to know. >
  
  That's a solid retort. >
  
  I’d rather be euthanized then put in hospice. >
  
  In that order? >
  
  Lol sorry than but I suppose in that order works fine too. >
  
  Well, no. No point in going to hospice after you’ve been euthanized. >
  
  Can’t see what I’d care happens to my body after I’m dead. And this place thought a living woman was dead they might think my corpse is alive, keep it “comfortable”. >
  
  I am so sick and tired of this anti-nap culture. >
  
  Sounds like something that could happen when you fade away very slowly without major bodily fault. She was officially dead within 48 hours regardless. >
  
  More reason to want to be decapitated when I die. I want to be cremated anyway so there's no reason someone can't chop my head off first to make sure I'm not in there burning alive. >
  
  Funeral homes are famously unregulated. Nobody wants to work. And then they have guys who are basically under no oversight. It’s pretty bad >
  
  Commas would have helped in the headline >
  
  Ahh yes.... new fear unlocked. Note to self make sure will includes clauses like "you damn well better make sure im dead" >
  
  "you were dead!  I saw you die!!"
  " I was faking.  I slowed my heart using Ninja Focus" >
  
  someone is gonna need therapy for the rest of their life
  and is never gonna want to sleep in a sleeping bag >
  
  Doctors don’t get paid for their assumption. See you on bye bye >
  
  Hope they double check that it was not intentional. Don't need another I'll make you better by killing you nurses hiding in society. >
  
  I’ve heard of the presumption of innocence, but I’ve never heard of the presumption of death… >
  
  thanks for a new fear. >
  
  Nah, obviously it is Obama fault >
  
  That’s two hours away from me. Poor lady that would be horrifying. >
  
  One of those nurses with a fake degree... >
  
  Taken from the Glen Oaks website:
  Memory Care
  Our community specializes in Memory Care for residents with Alzheimer’s Disease or Dementia-related illness...
  More like "Hey I remember you. Didn't you go out in a body bag? Nice to see you back! High five. >
  
  This is a medically known thing that can happen. It is called the Lazarus syndrome. >
  
  Boom, life-long claustrophobia