comment: >
  
  
  But you aren't going to get any less autistic by trying to keep it a secret, you are just going to have all the fallout from the condition without any explanation.
  
  The primary focus of this post was not my autism but rather my issues with boundaries, but that still makes sense. My issues with boundaries aren't going to go away if I keep them a secret. If anything, it would just increase the chances of a fallout if I'm unable to keep up the illusion any longer. It would probably be better to communicate that issue and have a healthier relationship in the long run, than try to keep it a secret and possibly have a much worse fallout later on.
  
  You don't get to decide what is trivial or not for people, if being short is enough reason for them not to pursue a relationship then it isn't trivial to them.
  
  That makes sense. Not everyone is going to like me, and there will be characteristics of me that some people will be turned off by, and that's fine. Those who have been turned off have most likely faded out of my life by now, and those who weren't have largely stuck around in my life and become close friends. Those who were turned off are probably not worth my time and energy trying to build a connection with anyway.
  
  Nobody owes you anything so they don't need to help you better yourself. But if telling you how to modify your behavior will improve their experience with you then they aren't really doing it for you, they are doing it for themselves. 
  
  This is a REALLY good point. Nobody owes me anything to help me better myself. But asking them to help me modify my behavior in the relationship would benefit the relationship and benefit them as well, since they would be more aware of an issue, and there would be better and more honest communication in the relationship. 
  I now think there's a difference between my past blockages and being honest about an issue. Asking immediately after they blocked me would be asking for an answer to benefit me. But being upfront and honest in an existing relationship would benefit the relationship as a whole, and both people within it. Correct me if I'm wrong. !delta
context: /u/CEO_Of_Rejection_99 (OP) has awarded 4 delta(s) in this post.
  All comments that earned deltas (from OP or other users) are listed here, in /r/DeltaLog.
  Please note that a change of view doesn't necessarily mean a reversal, or that the conversation has ended.
  ^Delta System Explained ^| ^Deltaboards >
  
  1) Someone who is turned off by someone asking for some leeway since they are bad at boundaries is likely to be even more turned off by someone who is bad at boundaries.  You're not going to offend anybody you weren't likely to offend anyway.
  2) No one owes you anything, no, That is on them, though, not you.  It feels weird to say that you shouldn't ask for things because no one has to give you those things. >
  
  
  Someone who is turned off by someone asking for some leeway since they are bad at boundaries is likely to be even more turned off by someone who is bad at boundaries.
  
  This is a really interesting point. If someone's going to be turned off by me asking for leeway with boundaries, then I probably wouldn't have become close to them in the first place. Similarly, if I become close with someone then they likely wouldn't be offended if I ask for leeway, and it may even benefit the relationship. The people who were probably turned off by me have likely faded out of my life by now, and those who want me in their lives and thus the people and relationships that would benefit from this information have stuck around. Perhaps it might even be better to be honest about myself upfront and have a healthier relationship in the long run, rather than try to keep up an appearance of a completely flawless human being and then have it and the relationship come crashing down if I'm unable to hold up the illusion any longer.
  
  It feels weird to say that you shouldn't ask for things because no one has to give you those things.
  
  While I agree that this applies to most things, then why is it usually not okay to ask someone why they blocked me on social media? When that happened to me, a lot of people I asked said I shouldn't do that, at least not right after the blockage, since "they don't owe me anything." >
  
  I assume this is contextual, and you probably did something that would be obviously block-worthy in most people's minds. Also, people block you because they don't want to hear from you. So if, immediately after being blocked, you contact them and ask why they blocked you, most people are going to read that as you being rude (because you're contacting them after they sent what they thought was a clear message of "don't try to contact me"). >
  
  
  Since no one owes me anything, this means it would be useless to tell people "Hey, tell me if I'm doing something that is making you uncomfortable" because, again, no one owes me anything,
  
  This doesn't make any sense.  Just because somebody doesn't owe you something doesn't mean they won't give it to you anyway if you ask, it just means it's ok for them to say no.  Nobody owes you an explanation for why they blocked you, but that doesn't mean it's not ok to ask for an explanation.  It just means they don't have to give you one if they don't want to.  
  Likewise, nobody owes you leniency if you struggle to respect their boundaries, but some people might give you leniency anyway if you let them know that's something you struggle with. >
  
  It's a way to do things when interacting with strangers. But your friends and romantic partners are important people in your life. The ones worth having around will not be turned off that you're clearly communicating something you struggle with. Especially if you have suggestions on ways they can help
  "I struggle with boundaries/ social cues, so if you could clearly state if you have a boundary that would be great." 
  Like that's something a ton of people want in a partner and friend is clear and open communication >
  
  Some of these things are cordial ways society has acted in the past, and some are stupid and some make sense.
  A lot of times it's not what you say but how you say it. So you CAN ask about being blocked, but it's how you approach it. Telling people you struggle with something actually does help you, because it lets others know not to get offended when you say things a certain way.
  I would suggest mixing it up though. Go in as if they doesn't exist and if you read that someone got offended or see there is unease in the room then tell them. And other times, if in a bit group, warn them early because you won't be able to read everyone in those situations. >
  
  Rather than proving you wrong, I think there's an additional piece of context that matters here. Both [1] and [2] can be true or false depending on how well you know someone.
  Let us consider 2 people. Let's say that X is a complete stranger that you don't know. Let's say that Y is already a friend who you interact with often.
  
  I'm worried that it would be a turn-off for many people. I see this a lot on dating sites and elsewhere where people get turned off by trivial things such as height. [...] So I feel the need to try to hide these issues out of fear that my closest friends and other people would feel like they're becoming too close to a bad person.
  
  So, first, how would someone think if you told them that?
  If this person were X: Well, all that tells you is that you have to go through extra work to make friends with that person, right? People don't like work. This is not a good thing to know about a person.
  If this person were Y: You're already interacting with this person. Maybe you've noticed how interactions don't quite function as you intended. Now Y tells you this. Now you know better how to interact with Y. That's a good thing, right?
  
  Because of the advice that no one owes you anything. [...] I'm left to fend for myself.
  
  If this person were X: Yes, it's completely true that I don't owe this random stranger anything. It might be helpful information, but only if I choose to interact with this person, and I have to act a certain way to make it useful. If I like acting that way, great, but if I don't for whatever reason then it's a bad thing.
  If this person were Y: I don't really owe this friend anything either. But I interact with Y a lot, so knowing how to interact with them will also benefit me a lot. So it's good to have this information. It's something that will be a benefit to myself. >
  
  This is an interesting way to frame the issue. The advice "no one owes you anything" and the worry of turning people off may be applicable to talking to strangers, or people whom I'm not close with. But perhaps it might be more nuanced when interacting with close friends/romantic partners.
  For a complete stranger, or someone whom I'm not close with/don't interact with regularly, it might be better not to communicate my issues since they wouldn't have interacted with me regularly enough for me to bring up these issues. But for someone whom I already have an established relationship with, since we would already interact with each other regularly, then the extra information might actually be beneficial to the relationship and both people within it. I would have a better understanding of the boundaries within the relationship, and the other person may also feel safer stating their boundaries and also get to know me better. And if the other person wasn't compatible with me as a friend/romantic partner, then I probably wouldn't be interacting with them much in the first place. !delta >
  
  Confirmed: 1 delta awarded to /u/PNKRTN (1∆).
  ^Delta System Explained ^| ^Deltaboards >
  
  
  I'm worried that it would be a turn-off for many people.
  
  It could be. Being autistic is a problem that many people might not want to deal with. But you aren't going to get any less autistic by trying to keep it a secret, you are just going to have all the fallout from the condition without any explanation. If they are unwilling to deal with an autistic person it is better for the both of you to find that out earlier rather than later; you aren't doing anyone a favor by trying to trick them into thinking you don't have that problem.
  
  I see this a lot on dating sites and elsewhere where people get turned off by trivial things such as height.
  
  Something that is a deal-breaker is not "trivial". You don't get to decide what is trivial or not for people, if being short is enough reason for them not to pursue a relationship then it isn't trivial to them.
  
  Since no one owes me anything, this means it would be useless to tell people "Hey, tell me if I'm doing something that is making you uncomfortable" because, again, no one owes me anything, 
  
  Your reasoning here is flawed. Nobody owes you anything so they don't need to help you better yourself. But if telling you how to modify your behavior will improve their experience with you then they aren't really doing it for you, they are doing it for themselves. That means that advice is inapplicable, even if they don't owe you anything it would make sense for them to offer advice if you are making them uncomfortable.