comment: >
  
  Ah so no one can healthily deal with Trauma in your definition? That is a bleak view. But sorry, don't think that is true.
context: I agree there can be times in which little trauma can be a learning experience. But, heavy trauma such as sexual abuse, neglect etc no those leave such deep scares that people may struggle with day to day things. >
  
  Yeh but people act like getting a bad nickname anymore is considered trauma >
  
  In some cases yes, I feel in most cases when people talk about trauma it’s for real bad shit that happened to them. >
  
  Most people yes. But I’ve literally met a girl (her name was Heidi) that thought her depression stemmed from not getting a hogwarts acceptance letter… I wish I was making that up. >
  
  I get ya. But if one takes a more nuanced point of view, I could say the reason she felt it was traumatic was her possibly having an undiagnosed mental health condition. I’m not saying you are wrong, I’m just saying I’d think of it that way. >
  
  I like that! Well said! And yah probably true I didn’t know her that well she was my wife’s friend. >
  
  Thanks mate, appreciate the chat. >
  
  Trauma is necessary for development, I agree on this. But extreme trauma is bad overall - something like rape or constant abuse. It hampers your ability to function in that aspect of life regardless of how hard you try. >
  
  While I don't disagree with your overall sentiment, one problem with your labels is that lots of people cope with trauma, not by admitting or making excuses for their shortcomings, but simply by just bottling it up and taking it out on others. And honestly, most of these ARE caused by your so-called "subtle" traumatic events. I've seen normal people degrade into complete sociopathic jerkwads just because they got dumped, or their elderly parent died, or they lost a job or didn't get a promotion. They're not out there fishing for sympathy or making excuses, so you wouldn't single them out as "mentally unhealthy" based on your criteria, but these people are dealing with trauma in an infinitely worse way than those who at least recognize it as such, even if they can't "get over it".
  This is seems like psychology 101, but really you either deal with trauma, or you let it consume you. At least people who admit they have trauma have taken the first step toward dealing with it, and what you label as attention-seeking behavior is probably just a general move toward greater mental health awareness in society as a whole; people are way more willing to admit they have problems than they were 20 or 30 years ago, for a myriad of reasons. >
  
  To address one point here. I do not see it as attention seeking at all. I see it more as giving up in a sense or relinquishing inner control. Some people are more likely to retreat from life than show off their trauma. And when some do 'attenrkon seeking'ish behavior I have a lot of empathy because they are probably just looking for love and acceptance and community in a lonely world.
  And yeah I would actually still call all of those 'subtle traumas' trauma because of how I have seen those events usually affect some people in completely life altering ways usually for the worse. But, the times I have also seen people's life alter in good ways have truly made me think outside the realm of conventional wisdom. >
  
  Post-traumatic growth is a real thing. It sounds like your experiences helped you feel more connected to other people, now and in the past. It's something that should be talked about more widely. >
  
  You’re not responsible for the damage done to you, but you are responsible for the way you heal >
  
  
  However, traumatic event is just a stressful event that has affected us.
  
  No.
  It can genuinely be some mind altering shit. >
  
  Yes it can. It probably should. But it doesn't have to end up altering the mind in debilitating ways. >
  
  
  But it doesn't have to end up altering the mind in debilitating ways.
  
  This isn't something people largely have control over. >
  
  What I am suggesting is most people do not have control now. But that control can be learned and should be taught. >
  
  
  But that control can be learned and should be taught.
  
  The ability for control over trauma is not something that can largely be controlled. It's an ingraining in the mind. >
  
  Well that,to me, doesn't do the great capability of the mind due justice at all. Our minds are much more scientifically flexible than that. >
  
  Love the uneducated opinions on trauma here. 
  Trauma is a mind altering event. 
  Those who deal with trauma know the phrase “when stressed, regress”. You mentally go back to the age you experienced the trauma at. 
  I guess I should be thrilled that there are all these ignorant takes on trauma, it means we are getting better at preventing/treating it. >
  
  This is what happens when people with no discernable personality hijack mental health conditions to seek attention. Words like "trauma" and "depression" have lost all meaning because of overuse, leaving those who actually suffer to be ostracized. >
  
  I have mixed feelings. I made me get my shit together and holy fuck I’m deeply broken. >
  
  Yeah  I agree...it helped me do some positive things   but a part of me ( the part I liked the most) feels dead still. >
  
  Exactly. I feel dead inside. It’s like I died. I’m still happy and nice but ya, part of me is dead. >
  
  The difference is how trauma is processed. With PTSD it's not processed and dealt with. The memory becomes stuck and replayed.
  So yeah, trauma is normal, but PTSD is not. >
  
  
  traumatic event is just a stressful event that has affected us
  
  "Trauma
  A deeply distressing or disturbing experience.
  Emotional shock following a stressful event or a physical injury, which may be associated with physical shock and sometimes leads to long-term neurosis."
  Trauma is not "just a stressful event"
  Stress and trauma are two different things. Stress is normal. Trauma is not. Both are common.
  Secondly, not everyone deals with events in the same way. This hyper-individualized point of view you have shows no empathy for other people.
  Lastly, implying that trauma-causing events are "normal" takes the blame away from those who abuse others and puts it on their victims instead >
  
  Saying trauma is normal isn't putting the blame on anyone. It is just saying it is a common occurrence or something that many people will have to go through. It can actually make you more empathetic when you have gone through it. Not everyone experiences trauma the same way which is why in some cases it can be healthy. >
  
  Common and Normal are two different things.
  Something doesn't have to be normal to be common and vice versa.
  Take really bad menstrual pains for example. Very common. But not normal - it's an indication that you should see a doctor.
  Another example is bullying. Very common. But not normal - all parties actively involved need some form of help.
  Lastly, I want to point out that in the cases of trauma "making you stronger", it's not the trauma that does that. It's how you deal with and move on from it. >
  
  I would say that yes traumatic life events are indeed normal and common. As in it is something that comes with the territory of being a sentient being on this planet and is expected to occur. It is also common in that it occurs in numbers as well. 
  And yes how you deal with it and move on is a key and essential ingredient! But the trauma itself is also a catalyst for this reaction, change or strengthening. >
  
  You are aware that there are people who don't have trauma, right?
  So then, it's both uncommon and abnormal to not have experienced trauma? >
  
  It’s phrased edgy but all your examples of okay trauma events aren’t trauma events with the exception of parents dying depending on cause and child’s age. >
  
  Depends on the individual, which is what makes it risky. Some people come out of trauma having it triggered severe mental illness. Some eventually process it into perspective and growth. >
  
  I almost was drowned by my brother while giving him a ride on my back. It was funny and we shared cookies after >
  
  It's awesome that you're so strong and can handle all the shit you've been through!
  But as you say, not all people can handle it, I'd say most people would handle it worse than you.
  Also, losing a parent is part of life, losing a child is not. >
  
  This. It’s natural for your parents and grandparents to die before you. As a parent whose infant child has died it’s appalling to see someone categorize it as “subtle trauma”. No, just no. >
  
  I went through a traumatic event ten years ago. A 6 hour period of hell that had me in constant fear of death. It screwed me both physically and mentally. Didn't fully understand the long-term impact until I checked myself into rehab 2 years later for alcohol addiction and came to realise just how detached I had become to friends, family and society in general. It took a year to correct the damage done and I had minor relapses over the following 2-3 years. 
  During my recovery though, I had time to reflect and make life changes in both moral and political beliefs, change careers, meet my future wife, and reconnect with friends and family. I am a different person now in so many ways and I agree it is a positive adjustment. In saying that though, I was lucky to have the right support from friends, family and even my employer at the time.
  Not everyone has this and I don't believe everyone can make the same positive changes without this. 
  So I agree with your opinion only partially. There are many variables that will affect each individual differently in these situations. >
  
  If distressing event didn't affect you it's not a trauma >
  
  A distressing event can at first affect you negatively and then be transformed into affecting you positively if you wish it. Most would still label the inciting event, 'trauma'. >
  
  The trauma response itself is totally normal and necessary in order for us to understand, grasp, process, interpret, and prepare ourselves for life after a traumatic event. But, inflicting trauma on others is not normal and a lot of trauma comes from the actions of others. 
  Normalize trauma responses, but not traumatic events. People can learn things through trauma and traumatic events, but trauma doesn't exist to help teach people lessons or help them understand, it exists as a response to physical/emotional/mental overload. 
  There are so many ways for people to learn life lessons and trauma doesn't need to be a part of that. 
  Also, I'm not fond of this idea of "gross" and "subtle" trauma. Trauma is trauma. Trauma responses are individual-based and are not inherent. So, to rank trauma on a scale is to diminish each person's individual experience with processing pain, suffering, grief, etc. >
  
  Not really advocating for people to have traumatic things done to them as I mentioned. Ideally people would have pleasant life circumstances at all times, I am just acknowledging that they happen and making it seem like it is exceptional I think makes it more dangerous and even more potentially traumatizing because then people feel isolated in their pain.
  And it is a tall tale  to say that all trauma and traumatic events are the same or their responses are the same. Some people can have a life devastating trauma response from slipping on ice one time that leave them paralyzed in fear from leaving home or going outside and others can literally go through war and live a happy normal life with almost no responses. I would not equate these experiences nor would I rank them. But I don't think it is sacrilege to mark their differences. >
  
  A great annoyance is the overuse of very strong words. 
  Racist, nazi, trauma, ptsd, depression, anxiety, etc. 
  Another one is people letting everyday “trauma” impact their life and struggle to get over it. 
  If you can’t get over low/medium level trauma and stuff yourself, you are a mentally weak individual >
  
  That is incredibly insulting to assume that you just because you are a strong willed person, people who have experienced trauma even if it is small are mentally weak. >
  
  Your title makes it seem like you want to enrage people, but your argument is pretty sound mate. Snowflakes who collect trauma events and mental disorders like Pokemon cards really just want attention and to be loved, which the lack of both is a problem of its own. I wouldn't advise telling the next sa victim you meet that their experience is "good for them" though... >
  
  bro you are literally smoking copium right now >
  
  this is very inaccurate, trauma acts almost like a physical blow to the brain. It permanently alters and creates pathways that redistribute behavioral patterns in oftentimes extreme ways. There's a big difference between hard lessons and uncomfortable scenarios, and trauma. While i agree that the term is grossly overused and people are not adequately educated on the topic, its still an important term, and can be applied to people's pasts to create a clear image of their current behavior. "there's a lot of abusive parents so you just need to cope because its normal" is the most bullshit thing I've ever heard. you've not healed quite as much as you think you have if you're approaching the topic with complete dismissal, this coming from someone who works in mental health >
  
  Complete dismissal for pointing out that post traumatic growth exists?
  I didn't say people 'just need to cope' but that it is normal, as in, to be expected of life in this world and because of that we should have more of a culture that teaches people how to get through potentially traumatic events instead of pretending they only happen to a select few unfortunate souls.  People don't need to 'cope', they need to not get stuck in the mentality that they are permanently damaged and helpless and learn from the billions that have gone through similar things because the wisdom is all around us in various cultures and forms. >
  
  no one is saying survivors are helpless, stuck that way, or ill fortuned "chosen ones". What people ARE saying is that these issues are too common, and educated and effective support is not keeping up with the demand. Teaching someone to expect abuse and just deal with it personally is the exact same mentality that ended up fueling rampant suicides and substance abuse in the 80s and 90s. You are simply wrong, and uninformed on the reality of conversations surrounding this topic >
  
  There is nuance here that you are not capturing in your responses to me. The general message I am getting from you and others in life is that trauma is something a person cannot work to heal and get to a better place at using support and resources and that is just not true based on my personal experience and observation. Building a culture oriented towards seeing trauma as something we collectively experience as living things that we can overcome together is going to create more of a healing environment than thinking it happens to a few people so it is okay if they rest forever in despair because they are in an extraordinary situation. >
  
  again, like i said before, this cultural attitude you keep mentioning does not exist. People speak on the common tragedies associated with trauma, and wether you believe it or not, therapeutic approaches are revolutionary in handling and healing. Your experiences and observations are at odds with just about every formal study or experiment in mental health literature, this does not make them less important for you personally, but in the light of an entire planet with trillions of people, they are ultimately wrong and irrelevant >
  
  Well then, agree to disagree. >
  
  disagreeing with facts will do little for you in the long run >
  
  I am doing great actually :) but I admire your concern and trying to write what you think is right and hope you are happy. >
  
  Trauma is by definition an event that you can’t healthily deal with. I get your point - but you just completely don’t understand the word