comment: >
  
  Yes you're right. 
  We can call a spade a spade.
  It's not necessary to dig into people or kick them while they're down. because no one really knows, it's best not to be self righteous about it, because your own time may come.
context: There's always the chance a cheater might not cheat in a future relationship. 
  But I think the odds of a cheater cheating on the same partner are very high if they got away with it the first time. 
  Some people cheat for thrills. Other people cheat to escape the relationship and don't see any other way out. 
  Not all cheating is the same, but most of the time, it's dirtbag trashy entitled behavior. >
  
  the taboo is exciting to them, they know its wrong and thats what makes it fun, they care nothing for the pain they might cause. >
  
  26 male, and I think you both just cured my heartbreak froma past relationship. Just hearing someone else say what I always thought. Or atleast acknowledge what I'm sure alot of people have been through 
  😓 Thank you >
  
  24, got out of a 6 year relationship back in March. She cheated… it was really hard the first few months. My family and friends were super supportive and did what they could to cheer me up but I still felt very alone. 
  I hate to say it but I’m glad it happened. I’m glad she cheated because I needed to grow and I needed to experience being alone. I needed to learn how to deal with that type of pain and how to love myself. 
  Since then I’ve picked up a few new hobbies, lost about 20 lbs, and met someone new who I get along better with then I ever did with my ex. 
  You’ll be fine my friend. Pain is temporary, it might not make sense now but one day you’ll look back and understand. Life can only be lived going forward but understood looking backwards. >
  
  Eh. I believe you can go on and never cheat on someone else. But to the person you’ve already cheated on, you’ll never not be “the one who cheated” or whatever >
  
  This. The person who cheated may go on to change and better themselves, but they will do that on their own and it sure af won't be with me. And no apology would ever be enough to make it up to me. >
  
  I think cheating can be circumstantial, but it can also reflect a person's character; narcissists who don't feel bad about cheating will most likely continue to cheat. This saying applies to them. >
  
  There is no circumstance in which cheating can be explained, period. Cheating on someone once makes you a cheater. If you're unhappy, leave. Feeling bad about it means nothing. >
  
  If you think every bad behaviour can ONLY be explained by personality/character of a person then you’re being biased. This is what’s called the fundamental attribution error.
  I’m not saying cheating is okay by any means, but to ignore any other factors/explanations is foolish imo.
  Feeling bad about it can be helpful towards change. Recognizing your wrongdoings is the first step. Combine that with a lot of therapy and self-reflection, someone can make a relationship work if they other party is wiling to. >
  
  Sorry, no, I don't care what factors you try to put into play. Nothing but excuses. You know there are people who can go through it all and still be able to not betray their partner. Leave the relationship before you decide to cheat. Yes, decide because cheating isn't an accident or mistake it's a choice you made. >
  
  It’s a choice sure, and you’re still responsible for the choices you make. But choices aren’t made in a vacuum. You’re ignoring the context.
  Explanations ≠ justification/excuses. >
  
  I'm saying the context does not matter. There is no explanation. Don't care why you did it. All I need to know is you're capable of doing it. Like I said, leave before you cheat. I'm sure every cheater has an "explanation" for why they did what they did. Who cares? A scumbag is still a scumbag regardless of how they want to  explain their actions. >
  
  I agree. There's always a moment when you "Decide" to go with it. Yes people can be unhappy in a relation , fall out of love, fall in love with someone else but still there's always a "Choice" if you want to cross the boundary of the relationship or not. If you want you be with someone else just end the one you're in right now. That shouln't be too hard Imho. >
  
  Exactly. If you're unhappy or you've fallen out of love, discuss it, and move on. Cheating is never never ever ok period. >
  
  Hey, if they change and become better, that’s wonderful. Hopefully their next partner is happy with them, because I’ve got enough self-respect to not stay with someone that would cheat on me. >
  
  Most people who break your trust do not deserve a second chance and won't get one because trust is finite. Once its gone it does not usually come back. >
  
  What is the evidence for “most people that cheat do it in one situation, and then never again”?  In my experience, it’s the opposite.  (1) It’s a red line that, crossed once, is easy to cross again. (2) If #1 is overcoming a negative, the opposite is the incentive that cheating “worked” once, it will work again to get what the person thinks he/she wants. (3) there’s a basic dishonesty in cheating, both to oneself and to the one being cheated on.  So, that level of dishonesty doesn’t just go away.  I think it takes some catastrophically bad outcome to break the cheating habit. >
  
  I was in an abusive relationship. I was denied sex all the time. I cheated on him once because I felt so safe with someone my family knew. I broke it off right away and realized I was trying to escape and was too weak. I’m still in therapy. We aren’t all terrible people. Although I don’t think this applies to “most people” so I agree >
  
  Cheating is typically a warning sign of other issues. I guess people change but form the  heaters I’ve seen, they don’t usually >
  
  Reminds me of this one quote from When Harry Met Sally “Marriages don’t end on account of infidelity - it’s just a symptom that something else is wrong”
  I believe it completely unless someone is just a serial cheater >
  
  To me when my relationships went south, I started having eyes for other people more. When I was happy it was like I had blinders on almost.  It's a strange feeling, where you know change needs to happen or you'll have to break it off, because your mind keeps telling you that it's over this way. >
  
  Have you ever heard the African proverb: One lie spoils 1,000 truths? 
  Well, one bad act spoils 10,000 good ones. The time you spend whining about judgmental (which is funny in itself because you're most likely as judgmental, if not more, than those you complain about) people could be spend keeping your mental wellbeing at a level that helps you refrain from doing bad things that screw up relationships (family, romantic or platonic) with people.
  It should also be noted that people deserve second chances but are not entitled to them. >
  
  Cheating even one time is too much. If you're unhappy just break up / get a divorce. There's no excuse for betraying and hurting someone like that. >
  
  Exactly like I don’t understand how ppl can justify it >
  
  It’s not always that black and white. There are reasons behind the things people do—especially people who grew up in super dysfunctional families. I’m not excusing cheating or saying it is, in anyway, okay.People sometimes do awful things, even to people they love. And, despite what you see on Reddit, people can change and do better. 
  My husband and I were both SA as children. We both came from super messed up families. We fell in love and got married 18. We clung together because neither of us had ever felt like we had someone we could truly depend on. 
  But nobody talked about mental health back then. Nobody talked about depression or therapy or any of it. And we were kids who were, within a few years of getting married, raising kids of our own. We were poor and had no outside help and everything was always so hard. So he got sidetracked and made some awful choices. And then I fell apart and made my own horrible choices. 
  We separated for awhile but the love was still there, it had just gotten temporarily buried beneath the amount of trauma we both carried. We got back together and just decided no more— that neither of us would ever again treat the other with anything but love and respect and kindness. 
  It’s been 20 years since then and people who meet us now often mistake us for newlyweds. We fought our way back from a place of horrible pain and it made our relationship stronger than ever. We are extremely happy together. So people CAN change. Relationships can heal and evolve. In other words, not everything is black and white. >
  
  Sure. That does explain why people might cheat but still, it doesn’t excuse it, like you said. If my SO cheated on me I wouldn’t care about WHY their dysfunctional family led them to do that. The fact of the matter is that they would have betrayed my trust. They either didn’t think about how their actions would hurt me else or they simply don’t care. I don’t care which one it is but they’re not going to get a second chance. If they are truly sorry then they can try and work on themselves with someone else. >
  
  I totally understand that—and it’s a perfectly valid, healthy way to handle it. 
  I just don’t feel like that’s the only acceptable way to handle it. A lot of people talk about cheating like you’re an idiot if you give someone another chance—and that’s just not always the case. That’s all I’m saying. >
  
  I would also like to add that he was very aware that if it ever happened again I would be gone. This wasn’t a case of somebody doing this again and again and again and just being given countless chances, which I certainly don’t understand at all! >
  
  This is unpopular opinions. My opinion here is obviously unpopular so why am I being downvoted? >
  
  You’re not the OP. Only the post is meant to be upvoted if unpopular I’m pretty sure. >
  
  Oh! That makes sense. Thanks >
  
  lol who is this most people >
  
  Op is full of shit. >
  
  I have a friend that cheated on his wife 3 times in 5 years. All three were long term (1 month or more) flings. They got a divorce. 3 years later he met a new woman and has really worked to change his behavior. This is great, looking at him you can tell he has mostly learned from the horrible things he did with his wife. BUT, his new girlfriend does know about his past. They both love each other, you can tell there is trust there, however they also linked their phones so she can see where he is at all times (it will even tell you what room the phone is in). This was done because of his cheating past and they just established that standard early. He has a past, she forgives him, but we are going to eliminate the possibility again.
  I do not believe this is judging him, but rather considering his past. >
  
  Honestly it's so much easier to break up first and then do whatever you want.. there is no reason for going the other route >
  
  I once “cheated”— I say it like that because mans at the time [18] was leaving for basic training and we were arguing and not in a good spot in our relationship, so I told him we should break up before he left for 5 months.  He disagreed with me, but that’s not really how breakups work.
  I was 20 at the time, so I had a few more years of “experience.”  He slut shamed me because of my body count pretty much every day.  That caused most of the arguments and issues we had, not to mention his parents didn’t like me because I told them I disagreed with the strict rules they had set for him even though he was an adult.
  When he left, we were still in contact, and I was pretty much in this relationship against my will at this point, and kept thinking about how much his parents didn’t like me and how he thought I was a slut.  Eventually I couldn’t handle the toxicity and being alone with my thoughts and slept with someone else.  I told him immediately (kindof a bitch move since he was struggling to get through basic training).
  He made me feel really bad about what happened when he got back home, and I would cry on his shoulder 2-4 times/week.  Basically, both of us were on different pages before he left.  To him, I was in his pocket, and to me, he was across the US.  When we both realized that, we were fine.
  I’m now 22, he’s 19.  We’re friends, and will never be more than that.  I’ve been in a long distance relationship without any problems, and am currently in a steady relationship since that situation.
  You could say I tried to break up with him, but not hard enough and you’d be right. There are serial cheaters who cheat for the thrill, or to piss their s/o off.  However, if you’re sane, there’s usually a lot more to it. >
  
  He went into basic at 17? >
  
  Everyone is judgmental. I  think its odd that being judgmental is bad thing. Its not. That's why we were given instinct.  However past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.    Once a cheater always a cheater: leopards don't change their spots.  Now I think people can change  and become better, however   the question is are you willing to risk it?  The answer for me is NO. >
  
  Exactly. They "only" cheated once, maybe they'll do it again, maybe they won't, but their next partner can worry about that because I have enough self-respect to not stick around and find out. 
  I think sometimes it can also depend on how the cheating is discovered. Did the cheater feel guilty afterwards and confess to their partner? Or did their partner have to find out from someone else, or on their own? If someone admits to it on their own, I feel like they're maybe a little more likely to not do it again. But if they try to bury the secret and keep lying to their partner, then I feel like they're more likely to do it again. >
  
  I cheated once and realized it was one of the worst choices I ever made. Broke off my relationship, dealt with extreme guilt, and, because of how unlike myself it was; the inability to trust myself again for a long time. I learned a lot from it, good and bad, and I can honestly say I’ll never cheat on another person again. >
  
  Sounds like someone cheated and now is getting what they deserve >
  
  🎯 >
  
  Found the 🐀 >
  
  Yeah OP >
  
  That’s what I meant!  😛 >
  
  yea, but alot of people cant see themselves as the bad guy and do anything to justify their actions. its the other persons fault, i was lonely, i needed more, etc. Its a shit thing to do, and people who do it usually are lairs and manipulators who only view themselves as the victims and everybody else is attacking them when confronted about their actions. >
  
  Lol, where do you get that from? Do you know most cheaters? I’m gonna call bullshit. >
  
  Oh, we've got surveys and studies, like this one >
  
  That study does not in any way discuss repeat cheaters. I’m fact the conclusion of the study only discusses the unhappiness preceding infidelity and the recovery of the relationship/participant. Did you just Google the first cheating study you could find or are we reading different articles. >
  
  Participant Section: 
  
  For most participants, the infidelity event happened only once (i.e., in one wave) during the study (81% of perpetrators and 91% of victims; the maximum number of infidelity waves per participant was four for victims, or 0.3% of participants, and six for perpetrators, or 0.3% of participants). >
  
  During the study >
  
  Cheating is a special kind of scummy move. It requires a person to willingly and knowingly betray the one person who is supposed to either be the most important person in their life, or at least be the person they have pledged (legally and/or morally) to be faithful to. If a person is able to betray their own significant other how is anyone ever supposed to trust them again?
  It is also very easy to just not cheat. If you're unhappy in your relationship the adult thing and the right thing to do is to just end it. After that, you can go sleep with or be in a relationship with whoever you want.
  Back to your point: Can people change? Sure - but it would be incredibly difficult for a known cheater to convince me that they had changed, even if they actually did. >
  
  I think that's something OP isn't taking into account. Cheating doesn't happen on a whim, most often. It's not like you're walking down the sidewalk, trip, and suddenly you're cheating in the bushes with a stranger. 
  Cheating takes effort. Whether you've reconnected with an old high school boy or girlfriend, you've been spending a lot of time with a coworker or BFF or someone who your partner has said makes them uncomfortable, or messaging randos on the internet, it's a choice you're making to cheat. This is even more true if you're having a full blown affair. If you have time to go run around with or spend time and money on someone else, you're most likely neglecting other things in your life, especially if you're married with children at home. 
  This isn't a one time mistake or a momentary lapse of reason. This is who you decided to be. >
  
  Sounds like you cheated on someone and are now upset they broke up with you. >
  
  No, there’s no good excuse for cheating. You committed to someone, earned their love and trust, then consciously decide to hurt them. That makes you a bad person. And If you honestly don’t realize what a shit thing it is to do before, during, and after then you’re a narcissist on top of being an asshole. If you want to sleep around fine, don’t commit to anyone then. >
  
  I pretty much feel this way about cheaters and every time I describe my feelings in this way people come out of the woodworks to suggest hypotheticals where it's not bad. 
  It's a little tiring to have to explain to these people that during these conversations about cheaters that we are assuming the two people are adults, committed to one another, professing their love for each other, and are in an otherwise a normal relationship.
  Like, sigh yeah of course if the person is abusing and threatening you and you're afraid to leave the relationship, we aren't concerned about you cheating on them, and we want you to get out of that situation in any way possible and away from that criminal. >
  
  I agree, I've known quite a few people who have cheated before. A small chunk of them would 100% do it again, the narc types, but most of them wouldn't/haven't since then because it was circumstancial and broke up with their partners pretty much right away. 
  Also I cheated on my boyfriend of a few months when I was 17, that's almost 10 years ago (I'm 26) and I still feel bad. He even forgave me but I broke it off shortly after, I obviously wasn't happy in the relationship and dealt with it in the worst way possible. Haven't cheated since and in my current relationship the thought makes me sick. 
  I am mostly talking about just kissing and light cheating though. I think if a person is in a relationship and full on has ongoing sex with another, it's likely they will do it again and again. I never understood this... Why not break up? >
  
  Disagree. There is NO excuse to cheat on someone. You're already in a wrong but will still complain just because people don't trust you after. I think it's a very bold way to think. >
  
  I personally wouldn’t get together with a person if they recently cheated. But if some years have passed and they know it was wrong i would be able to see past it >
  
  Exactly. It took to long to find someone with a mature attitude. How if someone cheated when they were 17 years old because they didn't know better, but now 10 years after are aware of how wrong it was? >
  
  Studies show people who cheat do it because they can. It's not situational they just use situations to justify to themselves.
  I agree in redemption just wanted to point out it wasn't the situation. >
  
  Expanding on this: 
  The reason "why" a person cheats is often colorful. Ranging from psychological/personal problems (making the unable to mentally committ) to problems of nurture (religion telling "men will be men" etc.).
  Most cheaters aren't sociopaths, out to destroy healthy people. "Once a cheater" doesn't mean someone is naturally a cheater for life. It means that most cheaters don't actually see their problem and work on it. They will monkey branch forever, going from one kick to the next.
  There are ex-cheaters who do overcome their shit. Who can later commit. But it's very rare. As humans, we always see ourselves as "good" and actions "justified". This shit can be a hell of a drug >
  
  I agree with this. Cheaters can stop cheating but generally even after the relationship has been over for years they feel justified "I was driven to it because of X" or "What other choice did I have given the situation x". >
  
  >But most people that cheat do it in one situation
  Did you cheat in the past?
  Stereotypes exist for a reason >
  
  If you are a black man, as your avatar would imply, you need to take that saying out of your vernacular. Jesus Christ man. >
  
  i'm not from the racist hellhole that is the US
  i am obviously a meme 
  ... or maybe it is no longer obvious and i am old and ragged >
  
  You do you and keep pushing it then. >
  
  Don't cheat and it won't be a concern >
  
  Meh idc if someone is a cheater just not something I would personally tolerate >
  
  I think this might be where the meat of this conversation lies. 
  How close does one have to be to either person of the relationship to inform people they are being cheated on/are dating a serial cheater?
  At what stage are we contributing to the hurt someone else is experiencing? 
  How should people feel if they sleep with someone in a relationship? 
  I personally wouldn't let anyone I even remotely care about be cheated on. Hell, if one of my friends was cheating on someone and didn't feel bad, I would tell the other person. 
  If someone wanted to sleep with me and they had a partner/were in a relationship, I would be pissed they asked me to participate in that, and tell them to tell their partner. 
  It's 100% easier to not cheat, than it is to cheat. Stop hurting people >
  
  First of all what’s with all these highly specific opinions on completely random phrases or circumstances?
  Anyway, to make this more general, a lot of the cheaters I know seem to have some kind of serial cheating problem. They always 
  a: end up in relationships like immediately after one ends (why??) and 
  b: end up cheating again in that relationship. 
  Maybe they’re into that idk, but obviously not all cheaters are like this and every occasion/person is different. >
  
  As a “once-a-cheater”, in my defense, I didn’t actually know I was cheating at that moment, I assumed the relationship was over, because they were ghosting me. As it turned out, we were still “on”, like three weeks later. 
  Not as an always-a-cheater, I ended my “three-week affair” and continued my relationship with the first person for another year, with many failed attempts by me to communicate, and intermittent ghosting by them which pretty much caused me to end it altogether.
  I am monogamous. >
  
  No one wants to believe that infidelity can happen to anyone. They need the security of knowing that their partner is a “good person” and therefore could never hurt them in this way. Thus the only people who would cheat must be evil. >
  
  I’m more inclined to believe that once a partner cheats, they will cheat on the same person again. I do believe the cheater can go on to live a cheat free life with a new partner. >
  
  Most people don’t want to believe this, but there are many very different varieties of cheating, and, of course, many different reasons. 
  Often a cheater is ending one relationship and starting a new one.  Not the best way to move on, but it is common.   Contrary to what people want to believe, that new relationship is NOT doomed.  It often becomes a life-time good relationship. >
  
  The real crime is the normalisation, nay, indoctrination of monogamy. Far, far more people are unequipped for monogamy than we care to realise, especially in a world where sex is so available. You'll downvote me or say 'found the cheater' but the data suggests that gen z are taking a completely different approach to open relationships. It's us millennials stuck in these boomer ideals about what love is or should be. Music, movies, TV repeats the message that couples are validated by their undying and obsessive love for each other. Our generation isn't open-minded enough to fight the status quo en masse and so people live in constant denial. Almost everyone I know in a marriage around my age is miserable and frustrated. I wouldn't be surprised if over half are cheating. Stuck in dead relationships, no where to go, financially bound. Who are we to judge escapism? >
  
  People just refuse to accept that they could love someone who has cheated on them. There are in fact happy, loyal relationships that had periods of cheating involved. There are humans (believe it or not) that can see error on their ways and correct that behavior. >
  
  Not all cheaters are unable to grow as people and repeat the same stupid mistakes, some actually do  become better >
  
  Yeah but doing it once already puts you on the blacklist so no one cares if you become better (according to this comment section) >
  
  WE WERE ON A BREAK! >
  
  I support this opinion 1000000% no person is something they did one time. 
  It is an easy way to belittle someone . 
  I think cheaters are cheaters someone that cheated is not. >
  
  I think if u cheated in high school before your brain is fully developed u can change. If you’re out of high school u should know better and respect yourself and others enough not to be with someone you don’t value enough to be faithful to. >
  
  Then brain is still developing until around the mid-20s. And that final part to mature is impulse control, planning, etc. So I agree with your assessment but would bump up the age.
  Not to say a 20-something year old shouldn’t be dumped on the spot for cheating. In fact, it’s a great way to learn a lesson. But I wouldn’t necessarily hold responsible someone in their mid 30s for something they did in a relationship at 23, for example (if they demonstrate improved character at the present time). >
  
  Stating the truth, doesn’t make you judgemental.
  
  “Most people are not evil when they do bad things like cheating”
  
  If they weren’t bad people, they’d have the balls to break up with you, like a good person would do. >
  
  This sounds like something a cheater would say. >
  
  Have you ever cheated on your SO? >
  
  pretty sure this is someone actively being cheated on >
  
  Cheating is evil, but people can change and be redeemed, so I agree. >
  
  Evil.  Laughable at best. >
  
  Ok cheater >
  
  People deserve second chances, prob also a third. But everthing has its limit. >
  
  I can’t un-cheat but that doesn’t mean I’m guaranteed to do it again. >
  
  It is due to the fact that once you cross certain lines it is easier to cross later. Recidivism is what people are talking about, not the ability for personal growth. Would you say the same if we replace cheaters with rapists? Probably not,  but rapists do. It is about crossing lines of social norms and  participating in social taboos. Actions have consequences and cultures have norms. You break the norm,  you deal with the consequences. >
  
  That came from "Once and addict, always an addict" I think, wich is true >
  
  Stupid opinion, not just unpopular. It takes a certain mentality to cheat and if you did it, kudos to you but the current partner has every right to dump your sorry ass and never look back. Also, any future partner should know about it beforehand and decide whether to mingle with you or not. >
  
  The issue with that is every time I’ve seen that phrase used…the cheater cheated again 💀 >
  
  One a cheater always a cheater is only applicable when same people are involved >
  
  I know a guy who doesn’t end relationships, he just starts new ones and let’s the girls fight it out. Idk man but he’s not changing lol >
  
  Yeah I’m pretty judgy >
  
  The problem is beyond cheating. This person does not respect you anymore and once that respect is lost, there is nothing to be done. >
  
  Cheating can certainly be circumstantial, like all things. But it can also be pathological. >
  
  To me, cheating is like getting tattoos. The first one is scary because it's unknown and expected to be painful. Subsequent tattoos are easier because the tattooee knows (s)he can take it.
  Cheating, the first time, can be uncomfortable with having to confront guilt, betrayal of someone the cheater presumably cares about, and finding creative ways to justify it. After that wall has been breached,  it's not unlikely that (s)he will cheat again because (s)he knows how to work it.
  Is it guaranteed a cheaper will cheat again? No, just like it's not guaranteed that a person with one tattoos will continue to get more but we all know ho that usually goes >
  
  Okay here's something my wife and I do every morning while having coffee. We get the paper and we read dear abby. After having read the letter to dear Abby we try to think what our responses would be and then we read dear Abby's reply. I mention this because many relationships seem to talk about not being faithful. And generally the not being faithful ends up being plural. The unfortunate spouse has stuck it out through numerous short or longer term affairs from their spouse. Each time begging and pleading that this is it they will have reformed. Dear Abby is not a scientific study. And maybe there's a default to printing letters from serial cheaters I don't know >
  
  Call me judgmental, then. If you cheat on your partner but still say you love them I’m just going to assume not trustworthy 🤷🏻‍♀️ >
  
  Everyone is "judgmental". >
  
  WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!! >
  
  I guess it depends on why someone cheats.  Some people cheat because of immaturity and peer pressure - if you’re friends with a group of people who think cheating is not immoral and they encourage you to have fun, you might cheat, but you stop cheating once you realize cheating is wrong.  But when people cheat to get validation, or they simply want to have sex with multiple people regardless of their relationship/marital statuses, they are likely to cheat repeatedly. >
  
  It's so easy not to cheat on someone, I really don't get how people make out it can happen by accident.
  I think they're just using the idea of "circumstanc" as an excuse for their own lack of self control.
  Ive had offers and opportunities across multiple relationships but I've turned them down everytime. Not even just out of respect for my partners but also out of respect for myself. I would be ashamed of myself if I let it happen. 
  Even when I was in a relationship with a girl I hated and knew I wanted to leave (who, it turned out, actually kind of cheated on me), I turned it down on principle and for self respect >
  
  OP i agree. My husband cheated one time with one person years and years ago. He was so rackedbwith guilt he came to me right away and we worked on our marriage and guess what?? He has never done it again. It strengthened our marriage and we are stronger than ever.
  I agree that most people do not continue to be unfaithful. There are plenty of people who are serial cheaters but the majority of people are inherently good.
  Thank you for making this post >
  
  So who did you cheat on and how is this making it any better. And yes people make mistakes but people who cheat and only stop because they get caught are scum. >
  
  At the end of the day there are people who have cheated and those who haven’t >
  
  You defo cheated >
  
  I have a feeling that OP is trying to defend a significant other, a close friend or themselves.  Been cheated on before, not going to put up with any of that shit again.  In most my experience it's just because the other person is just too indifferent to have a conversation and hides behind the old "I didnt want to hurt you" line.
  But I will give you this top tier unpopular opinion hat is off to you op for actually posting one and not some trash like "I like animals more then people" >
  
  Spoken like a cheater. >
  
  All the cheaters I know do, in fact cheat again. >
  
  This is actually an unpopular opinion OP!
  Anyway, I don't think so... in all my direct and indirect cheating experiences I found out this sentence to be true 100% of the times (I was cheated once, and 4 of my friends have been cheated, in ALL the cases the Wayward partner cheated a second time)
  People can change tho, so I would keep it as a rule of the tumb rather than an absolute truth >
  
  I’ve cheated in the past, but only when a relationship was already over.  I’ve never cheated in a healthy relationship and I can’t imagine myself ever doing so. >
  
  If the relationship was already over then you didn’t cheat so why are you saying you cheated? >
  
  Old habits die hard so once a cheater is always a cheater >
  
  Well, you’re wrong. >
  
  I don't know about this, fam. >
  
  You go date a cheater and then report back, OP. >
  
  I agree. I think if a partner cheats it should end the relationship, but shouldn’t ruin future relationships with different partners. >
  
  
  But most people that cheat do it in one situation, and then never again. 
  
  Source? >
  
  lmao...this entire post is a saying from cheaters >
  
  Would you think a murderer is a normal person once they are out of prison. It's the act of doing something forbidden not the likelihood of them doing it again. >
  
  That’s not what the research says, but ok. >
  
  
  But most people that cheat do it in one situation, and then never again. 
  
  proof, the disrespect needed to cheat on a partner isnt something that goes away just admit that you cheated >
  
  Tell me you’re a cheater without telling me >
  
  Found the cheater >
  
  Cheater are selfish cowards. You can have sex with whoever you want but if you do it behind your SOs back it just means you were too cowardly to break up with them >
  
  The reason why cheaters don't change is because it takes a person with no consideration of others. Even if they have good intentions they are the type to put.themselves first so they are inherently self focused. Maybe they aren't bad people, but you should never trust or take a cheater serious. They're just extras. And obviously never show love.to one. Treat them all with the grey rock method. >
  
  Says the cheater >
  
  Ok cheater >
  
  I may have a very unique take (or maybe it isn't unique at all haha). I do my best not to "judge" anyone for anything, and I also believe everyone is capable of any sin given the wrong (or right) situation. 
  That being said, I am a scientist so I like the data of it all and things such as cheating and violence in a relationship are abnormal and do stim from some sort of personality trait. True personality and behavior is very difficult and is very slow to change, sometimes taken 5-10 years to truly adjust a behavior where we believe it is unlikely to happen again, which is where the idea of "once a cheater always a cheater" comes from to me. It does not mean I believe we should judge them continuously for the bad deed, what it means is we should consider the fact that they are much more likely to cheat again because they have proven they are capable of it and it is part of them. This is just fact, if someone has cheated in the past they are significantly more likely to cheat again than someone who has not cheated before.
  It is like an alcoholic. We should not judge this person for drinking in the past if they fixed it now, but it is entirely acceptable to believe that for 5-10 years they shouldn't put themselves in situations where they could be overly tempted, potentially even beyond that time frame if they know it is a struggle.
  Similarly, if you date and love someone that tells you they cheated on their past partner, it is in my opinion okay to not judge them for it but also establish boundaries you would not normal establish with a partner. Things such as, "will you please tell me what work friends you are going out with tonight", even though this is something I would never ask my partner who has no history of even remotely cheating. 
  Again, we may actually agree on this in that I do not believe they are evil or the scum of the earth, but I do believe there is a difference between judging someone and considering their past in your decisions with them. >
  
  
  But most people that cheat do it in one situation, and then never again.
  
  Source: OPs ass >
  
  Source: Studies like this >
  
  Not really the point. Once you cheat your partner forever will worry about it hypothetically happening again and quite honestly that’s as bad as getting cheated on. It’s not fair and it’s not what that person signed on for. Just don’t cheat or risk losing the person you love. >
  
  I can live with being judgemental, I'll still never trust someone who's cheated. The fact that they have that capability in them, even if they're remorseful, is enough that I just will not risk a relationship with them. Cheaters, and anyone who defend them, are scum. >
  
  Nope cross me once i dont do second chances. Dont be a peice of shit >
  
  You sound like a cheater. >
  
  Tell me you are a cheater without telling me you are a cheater. >
  
  Question: have you cheated before? Because it’s pretty obvious most people who cheat lack the moral standing and the emotional intelligence or empathy to not be despicable to another human being like that, and usually those people aren’t just gonna wake up one day and do a 180. The juice ain’t worth the squeeze with somebody who was willing to cheat and do something that wrong to another human before >
  
  Once fat always fat. 
  Once poor always poor. 
  Once wrong always wrong. 
  OP has a good point. >
  
  Being fat, being poor or being wrong aren't personality traits. >
  
  Nor is the fact a person strayed on one occasion. A personality trait is pervasive not a one time event. Also, my spouse considers looking at porn “cheating.”  My brothers wife didn’t have sex with him for 4 years and said . And before years he did. That’s not a personality trait.
  I think the point is, situational events don’t make permanent or support the phrase “once [insert here] then always …”. >
  
  I had a fwb once, he wanted to be more but I didn’t. Luckily for me who didn’t catch feelings, I found out he started seeing me before breaking up with his last girl and there was slight overlap. Fast forward to two years later where everyone’s moved on and we’re 100% platonic friends only. He tells me about his problems like any friend does. The current problem he has? He can’t stop thinking about other women even though he has a completely clueless girlfriend who is head over heels for him. Has he cheated on any women since that first girl? No. Has he clearly moved on from his way and is now a loyal loving man? Absolutely not. Once a cheater, always. It shows your mindset. He knew it was wrong to cheat, he knows it is wrong to cheat, hasn’t done it again (yet), but would he jump at the chance to cheat if it were presented to him? I’m sure. >
  
  It’s simply being realistic. If you did it once, there’s really nothing morally stopping you from doing it again. Forgiving a cheater is simply coping behavior and/or having a lack of self respect. >
  
  People who cheat are scumbags >
  
  Nah, it's true and especially so if you stay with the cheating person. They see that there are no consequences. Not sure what world you're living in. >
  
  Still something only scum would do tbh. >
  
  People do not change over the long term, with some rare exceptions.  I have never known a cheater that didn't cheat again.  Ever.
  It's not a choice, it's a character flaw. >
  
  My fiancé cheated on a ton of partners before me (with two relationships in between where he didn’t cheat) and he learned his lesson back then and hasn’t cheated. People can change and learn >
  
  Date cuenta, amiga… >
  
  Boludo, te equivocaste de idioma >
  
  Says the cheater >
  
  If you cheat you’re scum. End of story. >
  
  People judging people for their past actions are judgemental. Wow, what an amazing take. >
  
  Actually it’s pretty well known that statistically, most cheaters will remain cheaters. It’s the exception not the rule that if someone cheats once they never ever do it again. Some people can cheat really easily and they will probably keep doing it in other relationships or their partner. Especially if they got away with it. Some people just never cheat. And some do slip up once and only once, after feeling extreme remorse and regret and prob even acted out of character.
  So yeah while I hate sayings like that, it’s pretty true. 
  Call me small minded on this, but I’d never date someone who tells me on the first date they cheated on their wife or long time girlfriend. That says so much about them. Especially if it was with someone long term. I guess I could risk it and try see the best in them. But nah. Why risk dating someone who was capable of doing that? Especially when there are lots of people who just don’t cheat, period.
  And I’d never get into a relationship with someone who was cheating with me. Because if that’s how they enter a relationship it says a lot about them and they’d surely do it to me. Not to mention I wouldn’t want to be a part of that mess. >
  
  Completely agree! Cheating sucks and is a terrible thing to do. But it doesn't make you a terrible person right away. >
  
  "raping sucks but it doesn't make you a terrible person"
  See how bad it sounds?
  If you CHOOSE to cheat, that's your fault and you are a horrible person. Cheating is one of the worst things you can do to a partner other that physical violence >
  
  I immediately look at potential partners very differently if I find out they have cheated. It perhaps sounds fucked up, but so far every girlfriend I've had that has cheated on someone in their past has also cheated on me 🤷‍♂️ >
  
  Can be judgemental and correct at same time >
  
  I have always interpreted that one not as "if someone cheats once they will cheat again", but more like "Once someone cheats they can't undo the cheating", hence the "always a cheater". >
  
  Yes, I agree I am judgemental on this. 
  I mean sure, if you cheated you are not necessarily evil. Yet, unless you are the god of perfection on everything else, I will take my chances with someone who has never cheated before. Call it an old habit.
  You go and be happy though, I wish you the best. >
  
  Sure, anyone can change I don't think cheaters are exempt from it. Just don't expect me or anyone with a decent amount of common sense to take your word seriously ever again. If you fuck around with someone's trust, don't be surprised when they don't give it to you again on a silver platter because you said you're sorry. You want to patch things up, you got to put in the effort, sorry is just a word. >
  
  I believe the saying is used a lot but is often true. It’s like a person who consistently lies, they’re likely not to be trusted with telling the truth. >
  
  
  it might take them some time to come to terms with what they've done having been a bad thing. 
  
  Are you saying that they didn't know it was bad before they decided to cheat? 
  A certain amount of judgment of people is wise, people don't behave in a new and isolated manner from their historical behaviour each time they do something. >
  
  If you murder a person you’re likely seen as a murderer forever. If you rape someone, you’re a rapist. If you bullied someone growing up, you’re a bully. That person you bullied is still probably a little fucked up decades later & you’re recovering. All these things can be contextual & change over time but they were done. If for good reason than you can likely live with that & that’s good. But single incidences still carry a lifetime of weight.
  Cheating is a fucked up thing to do. If you do it once, you’re a cheater. If you never do it again that’s cool & all but you still damaged someone’s mental well being possibly beyond repair. There’s rarely a good or understandable time to do it. >
  
  Judgemental ism exists because some people need to be judged harshly.
  Not everything is relative and forgivable. 
  That "never again" part may be due to negative judgement. >
  
  I wouldn’t think the stats actually point to people only cheating in one situation. I’d have to Google that one. If I was a side piece, I could never really trust the woman to be faithful to me. >
  
  People can make mistakes without being bad or evil. It doesn’t mean you need to tolerate it in a relationship. >
  
  Cheating is the ultimate betrayal of trust.  If you want to be with other people, then have the fucking decency to leave the relationship first.  Otherwise...not a fucking shred of sympathy for anything bad that happens to the cheater as a result. >
  
  Thas really an unpopular opinion. But also a wrong one :)
  There is no circumstantial in cheating.  I dont care how drunk i am or in what situation i am. I would never cheat. Juts the pain u r inflicting in ur partner and how you hurt ur partner with ur action should be enough. If there are problems in a relationship talk it out or  end it. 
  There is no excuse for cheating. >
  
  What if your partner everytime you try and raise an issue threatens suicide and you know they have a history of actually attempting?
  What if they keep going back on every promise the seek help and outright lie about advice given by a therapist to try and dissuade you from the issue?
  People always act like the only situation where somebody will cheat is when the person is drunk, bored or just unhappy but too cowardly to talk about it.
  They never consider that in a toxic relationship dumping your partner isn't a easy option and it can have REALLY bad consequences. Cheating in some cases can actually feel pretty liberating and give perspective for just how toxic the relationship is >
  
  I understand what you are saying here, but even in that situation at one point u gota realise that its toxic and that it is not working out. It might sound really bad, but u r not responsible for somebody elses life. 
  And what do u get for cheating on her? 
  read ur post again??? 
  cheating can feel pretty liberating? 
  U r not feeling guilt for lying to her and cheating on her? 
  dude sorry but u r at least as toxic as her. Just break it off and stop letting her manipulate you and stop giving her control over ur life >
  
  We broke up 7 years ago, the only reason she didn't harm herself is because she already had somebody else on backup at that stage. 
  "Not responsible for somebody else's life" and I'm toxic!? Dude she was threatening suicide! Your acting like "hey dude, your like... not responsible for her happiness" as though the only issue on the line is she'd be sad for a week and then move on.
  "At one point you got to realise it's toxic" no shit, a lot of people in toxic relationships understand that it's toxic but you can't just switch off emotions like that. 
  If you have somebody you care about threaten suicide and all you can come with us "I'm not responsible for their life" you don't care about them and you definitely shouldn't be standing on that moral high horse. >
  
  How old were you in that relationship?
  How is it toxic if u seperate yourself from somebody who will use every tool they have to make you stay with them. 
  And you say yeah so i cheated on her and it felt good as a excuse?
  ​
  Not like she didnt notice that something was off and that u were basicly done with that relationship and made her try everything to keep you.
  You really trying to tell me u had to stay with her and cheat on her. 
  Yikes bro really hope u were like 16-18 in that time >
  
  Lol, 'done with the relationship'
  I would stay up for hours every night practically cradling her so she could sleep.
  I organised everything in her life, while I was struggling with University she decided she'd go and would go into hysterics everytime an essay came up and wanted me to 'help her' (write them for her)
  Hell, if you want me to go really shallow we didn't even have sex for two years because of her mental health.
  She couldn't even clean up the cigarettes she kept throwing all over the place.
  "Every tool" she was mentally ill, she had attempted suicide in the past. I hate that you act like I should of treated it as a child chucking a tantrum.
  Did I have to stay with her? No but stop pretending like you have any comprehension of the situation because it's obvious you've never been in that situation.
  Did I have to cheat? No, but the experience did make me realise just how bad things were. Much as it wasn't a good thing, it helped put things into perspective.
  Was it most likely a bluff that she'd commit suicide? Probably but when it comes to somebody you care about you don't exactly rush to test that bluff. This isn't some TV Drama, the consequences are permanent if I was wrong and I honestly dont think even you would want somebodies death on your conscious. >
  
  Ah yes you tell me i should stop making assumptions because i dont have any comprehension. What do you know about me ? Why are u making assumptions now?
  So if u think back now, was it the right course of action u did? would u do it like this again?
  If u answer yes u r delusional to the max and are not learning in life. 
  There is no easy breakup and those breakups are even harder but in the end you know it and she know it as well it will not work out.
  At one point she is mental abusing you with threatening suicide cause she knows is basicly over and u said it urself she just replaced you . 
  You are sucha  good boyfriend caring for her and doing this and doing that wich has nothing to do with the reason we are chatting here under this post.
  Go seperate before u cheat.
  Well done to u cheating on her did a whole lot for her and you now that u r somehow seperated. So i guess u were right /S
  ​
  please tell me how old were u and her during that relationship? >
  
  Age doesn't meant anything and I'm not providing such arbitrary information.
  What I would of done differently now doesn't matter, red flags that I see in hindsight now is irrelevant except for when applied for future relationships.
  Lol, dude you get annoyed at me assuming things about you but all you've done is assume things about me. So get off that high horse please.
  "BUT you wouldn't of cheated if you knew X" but... I didn't know X. I didn't know that she wouldn't commit suicide, I didn't know she was stringing other guys along in case we broke up. All I could make decisions off is the reality that was presented in front of me.
  Would I have cheated? No but mainly because in hindsight I wouldn't of entered that relationship to begin with since now it's obvious the real reasons she was with me, not that she'd ever admit it. >
  
  Bro idk man
  Cheating is not ok nomatter what. As I said whatever makes u sleep at night. 
  And sying something like age does not matter and u will not give that info out is so cringe that i not only do not belive ur story anymore( or at least how it all happened and who did what)
  but also leaves me speechless. Have a good life and i pray for ur future gf/bfs.
  best of luck to you that you dont have to cheat again to feel liberated. >
  
  I never said it was OK, my point is it's not black&white and the reasons people cheat are varied and should be treated as such.
  I don't provide my age because I don't feel comfortable sharing that kind of information about myself. Simple as that, you believe what you want but don't pretend that somehow knowing my age would make you think differently. >
  
  Only Siths deal in absolutes. >
  
  IMO the true meaning of "once a cheater always a cheater" is that once you proven you can't be trusted it's almost impossible to prove that you can be trusted.
  It's like recovering addicts, nobody has to forgive them or give them another chance and that is one of the hardest things to accept and deal with for many addicts.
  For cheaters it is the same, they have to accept that this action has permanent consequences regardless of the circumstances. >
  
  That saying is far from reality. We cheaters can be very fateful if the person is right for us. And that’s basically what matters at the end, find a person who is compatibly fucked up. High correlation coefficient. >
  
  I think that humans don’t have libertarian free will and are instead subject to their predispositions and their circumstances. So I call BS. >
  
  I just would never forgive/trust them. And I would never do it myself under and circumstance. If it gets to that point, just leave. It’s something I’ve done before. I got interested in someone else, realized I was no longer in love with who I was with, and ended things with them before doing anything with anybody. It’s a shit situation, but I’m guilt-free. There’s no justification or excuse in the world to go through with cheating. But I guess there are levels to it that would make some cheating waaaaay worse than other instances. >
  
  Some people do it over and over again, blame others, don’t think that it’s really an issue, that it’s not their fault, etc. >
  
  They are scum >
  
  It just show people that have no character or principles. Never going to be in a relationship with some one that cheated. Hell no ! >
  
  Some say that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. I tend to agree. 
  Sure, there are always exceptions to the rule. >
  
  Sounds like something a cheater would say >
  
  No,  it's a saying from non-whoring people >
  
  Meh. Everyone casts judgement about many things all the time, even if they don’t say it out loud.  Calling someone judgemental isn’t an insult. >
  
  Personally it's on a situational basis. If the cheater is truly sorry, and seeks to better themselves, I'm not gonna judge anyone who forgives them. Also, traditionally, there's situations viewed as cheating that we now consider sexual assault (drunk, high etc). It's the serial cheaters, or liars that bug me. >
  
  if they want to work on themselves and change good for them. still nobody is obliged to stick around for it >
  
  Not saying that. Broken trust within a relationship sometimes can be fixed, sometimes can't, and no partner is obliged to stick around. >
  
  sounds like something a cheater would say lmao >
  
  Cheating is like hitting a partner in that they are things some people will never, ever do, and some people will.
  Someone who cheated in a past or current relationship is like someone who has abused a partner.
  Maybe they won’t do it again, but why not just find a trustworthy partner capable of not doing terrible things to people they are in a relationship with. >
  
  I get your logic and I can't argue with that. It's a line that can't be uncrossed. Once you are over that line then that is who you are. >
  
  "...most people that cheat do it in one situation, and then never again."
  How do you know ?
  Is there a source for that ? >
  
  Studies like this. 81% of people cheat in one situation, and don't afterwards. >
  
  If I read this right, it says that this 81% only cheated once in the same relationship. Although the cheating event doesn't always lead to the end of the relationship, and the sample are couples who are in quite a long relationship, it doesn't really mean that a majority of the cheaters only cheated once in their entire life.
  Plus, the sample of this study is like 10k German people.
  But English isn't my mother tongue and I may have read this wrong (and I definitely didn't read all of it)
  Another study from the Denver University (sorry I can't find it at the moment) says that someone who cheated once in a relationship, has 3 times more chances than someone who never cheated to cheat again in a next relationship.
  As for my personal experience around me, I never cheated but have been cheated, and I know a few people who have cheated, and my ex and all of the other cheaters I know have cheated in multiple relationship.
  So I may be judgemental, but I tend to agree with "Once a cheater, always a cheater" from what I have witnessed. >
  
  Sure, but its more likely than not that cheaters will cheat again, so will rapists, murderers, and addicts. You can become clean of your sins but it doesn’t matter, you’ve lost that trust and it probably won’t be repaired. >
  
  The girl that was cheating on her bf (which I didn’t know about) ended up cheating on me with someone else so I will always abide this rule.
  If I’m unhappy and really desire someone else that much I will always break up first. That guilty conscious would kill me too much. >
  
  I feel like this saying is thrown around a lot but isn't understood. Once you cheat on someone, trust is permanently damaged. Your partner, if they take you back, will always think in the back of their mind that if you were capable of it once then you're capable of it again >
  
  Cheating reflects on the person >
  
  It may be judgemental, but I have yet to hear someone who's said it be wrong. >
  
  OP medaled 🥇 in mental gymnastics >
  
  They are not necessarily bad people. However, they've demonstrated that they can and will violate the trust of their primary relationship. As such, I can no longer think that I could build/maintain a relationship of trust with them. That being said, I don't think that most people who cheat are bad people and I don't mind being cordial with them. I simply can't be in a trusting relationship with them anymore either as a partner or friend. >
  
  You're talking about a very small minority here 
  Plus a way to humble (for them to never do it again) is by leaving them 
  By doing that their regret might keep them from cheating again , if they have enough conscience that is. >
  
  You forgot to add "🤓" at the end >
  
  So you know most people? That’s a lot of people. >
  
  Cheating can be circumstantial and people who say sayings like that is moronic, because people can definitely change. They, themselves, have change plenty during their life time. I'm not the guy I was 10 years ago, I've drastically changed many things about myself since then, while still maintaining my core persona. I know many people who have changed greatly. Ex-criminals who are nowadays the sweetest teddy bears and whatnot. >
  
  Sure, and you only stop at one doughnut. >
  
  There’s no excuse for cheating blah blah blah Shut up. No one is excusing it. But people can change and people make mistakes. Grow the fuck up. If they cheat on me we are done but if they have cheated in the past it doesn’t necessarily mean shit. >
  
  Once you cheat, you become a cheater. If that's the only time, you're still a cheater because of the simple fact that you cheated.
  It's like murder. Once you commit murder, you're a murderer. If you never murder again, you're still a murderer because of the simple fact that you committed murder. It doesn't go away just because you decide not to do it again. >
  
  People say that because to cheat, you have to have something fundamentally flawed with your morals/values. Sure, there are the one-offs where alcohol or some specific set of circumstances may exist that make it more likely to be a one time thing with a chance at redemption, but in most cases cheating requires a series of choices to be made which at any step could be a chance to not go through with cheating- starting with working on whatever issue is causing you to explore that road. Or, more simply,  just break up instead of cheating. Basically, cheating generally means you are a bad person and people say "once a cheater always a cheater" because most bad people don't just magically become good people.