comment: >
context: What is not 'toxic' on Reddit? That's my question. >
  
  I’m more than leaning towards deleting Reddit along with all my social media. I know it has its benefits and all but social media has bought out the absolute worst in humans- myself included. >
  
  I'm not a fan of the toxic descriptor here.  People who are 'too nice,'  or as a psychologist would say 'too agreeable,' mostly hurts themselves.  Deferring too much to others is definitely an impediment to these in peolpes' relationships, growth, and fulfillment of goals. >
  
  I believe it's harmful to all parties involved. I think it's a mindset that should be actively discouraged and not just when someone who is looking to exploit this trait comes into frame >
  
  ITT: Someone trying to justify being an asshole and making nice people get all the blame because some "nice guy" probably cheated on them or went nuts. >
  
  Sure if you wanna see it that way. I don't have anything against people who are nice, in fact I think we need more people who are genuinely kind in the world. I just can't find it in me to respect people who claim to be "too nice" when in reality they're just doormats >
  
  I fully agree with this, because I know what you mean by "too nice". You mean people who *claim* to be too nice but are actually scared of confrontation, and slowly building resentment of everyone around them. The kind of people who would rather be friendly with someone they *know* is a bad person because they care more about that bad person's opinion of them than respecting their and the people around them's well being
  Although, these kind of people are usually "too nice" because of some kind of trauma, as are most toxic people, so the best way to deal with it is to express yourself gently and directly, giving them a chance to change, and leaving if they don't (or if you're already mentally exhausted and can't handle this toxicity to begin with, because it's not your responsibility to)
  I'm saying this this directly because I see a lot of people in the replies reply as if you're talking about people who are actually too nice haha :) >
  
  being "nice" is an action. you do nice things. being nice isn't a label.
  if you do not-nice things, then you are not being nice. >
  
  Being nice or not nice is a label given to you depending on your actions, if you get labelled as someone who is too nice, it means you’re going over the top with the nice actions, which in some cases could just be because you’re friendly and helpful, but in others means you’re exactly what OP is describing >
  
  You've been manipulated and hurt or simply caught with your pants down being terribly unaware of how a polite person close to you was unhappy but unable to communicate for some reason.
  I beg you to look a little closer: some very nice people give as a lifestyle choice with intent.
  OP - I know a guy. Successful golden boy of his little town - this is how he does it:
  *his Dad's personal reward system is to make sure the other guy gets the better deal. Generosity in business is integral to family culture.
  *He was an insanely popular athlete but never picked on the scrawny kids in school.
  *In his sales business they consider themselves "matchmakers" to find the best fit for the customer (repeat customers drive across the county).
  *will make his major purchases locally even at a higher cost to "give back" or something similar. 
  *He works two jobs: a growing business in the little town and his dad's heritage farm. Anything earned on the farm is turned right back into it, and he organized a co-op to help all the other little farms survive. He shares the expensive equipment he's been able to buy within the co-op and they all work around the clock to make sure everyone is taken care of - so he gives time as well as his talents as well as sharing his stuff. 
  *the guy also does his "homework", he doesn't expect anyone to carry or cater to him. Not even his wife. 
  Conclusion TLDR: He's untouchable. You'd have to go through an entire town to get to him. That's what he gains: the pleasure of strong community ties and a clear conscience.  
  "Too nice" can be a reflection of someone broken who can't speak up for themselves -or- of someone maliciously manipulating -or- of an observer who is jealous and projecting hatred in place of admitting and dealing with their own insecurities. >
  
  I have met people who actually fake being “too nice”, you know… they do something for someone and then they complain about people taking advantage of them… they do favors to people just to play the victim with others, in that way they get the attention they seek. That for me is being a bad person. 
  But then there’s the other side where people are “too nice” because it is a defense mechanism for them. That type of people usually think that everyone is above them, so they put others needs first… they don’t do it for attention, maybe validation… but at some point everyone is seeking for validation, that’s our nature. 
  And then there’s people who are healthy nice, they put boundaries when it’s needed and in an assertive manner.
  I’m not saying that the second one is good, its probably rooted in some trauma so it needs to be worked on. My point is that the second type of people pleasers are not bad people. >
  
  Ever heard of “killing them with kindness?” >
  
  Toxic is the wrong word, but I would agree that it's not good.   It's a red flag.  They probably have deep anxieties. >
  
  Some people in this comment section have never met the type of people OP is describing and don't understand what it's like.
  "Too nice" is a manipulative tactic for toxic people to sugarcoat their terrible actions, to brainwash others that it's out of good will so that they will stop being called out, and be able to continue their evil game. Often they will also seek pity, and even though this is most likely a result of low self-esteem, they will also use that to their advantage, claiming they "care too much about others" and "neglect themselves".
  The latter is the excuse I would hear from this "friend" who would gossip about me all the time, while also saying she was "asking others about my life because she was concerned". I had also discovered she had badmouthed me a number of times, including one time about the food I had cooked for her when I had invited her over.
  Real nice people won't say they are nice, ever. >
  
  Holy shit, this just happened to me. 
  My brother is this "trying to be nice" guy. But, it is all just a fucking lie. Just on my birthday this year, he has gone berserk and said I cannot demand my mom for a simple meal they just ate a month ago without special occasions. Like seriously, it is just a regular meal, I could have it on any day I want, he just had it on regular day. And I have to beg for it for my birthday and he acted like I abused my mom. Seriously Wtf. And prior to this, he acted like we are in good terms and we are planning to hangout the following weekend. Exactly like you said, there is so much hidden resentment and fucked up hatred against me. He just pretending and lying. And suddenly turned on me on my freaking birthday. 
  The feeling of betrayal is exactly like how you described. Because it was all just a pretend in the past, it was a fucking lie. I was so furious that day, not just because I felt so attacked and abused, but, because I never expected such hatred from him. It is all like you said, suddenly they just snap.
  And like you said, I don't think I can trust him. He made some half ass apology, but, you know he is just trying to save his own reputation and play the fake nice guy routine again.
  Edit: I notice a lot of people don't agree with you OP. But, I whole heartly agree because I lived through it. It is similar to poeple say how fake Californians are, it is exactly the same concept. The courtesy and nice, are fake, they weren't genuine. And they will snap eventually. It is a ticking time bomb. And you wouldn't know about it and sitting right next to it. That's what makes it so much worse than someone who is more transparent about their feelings.