comment: >
  
  The second date sounds about right to me.  The first date is for deciding if I like them.  If listening to them talk makes me want to fall asleep, or if they treat the server like crap, then I don't need to know whether they want kids or not.
context: I don't think this should be unpopular, but I don't think it's completely necessary to cram ALL of them into the first date. Ask them about a few of the non-negotiables between casual conversation, covering them all in the span of a couple dates. Unless you want to spend the whole date vetting them and not having any time to enjoy it that is. >
  
  The only aim on a first date is to ascertain (i) if there is chemistry, and (ii) if so, if that chemistry is or could be romantic. Everything else can come later. >
  
  And must come later. Shitty people will tell you what you want to hear. Otherwise simply asking 'are you a narcissistic user of people' would save a lot of headaches. Unless you require documentation as well >
  
  No farting or I'm dumping you Barbara >
  
  We're coming to get you, Barbara! >
  
  You've got red on you >
  
  I mean, if you want it to feel more like an interview than a first date, sure that's an approach. Might turn off a lot of potential partners that way.
  I certainly believe the big stuff and the deal breakers should be discussed early (and I don't think that's unpopular) but cramming it all into the first date is kind of unnecessary. >
  
  Do you want kids? Are you religious? Same bank account or separate? Caregiver of our elderly parents? 
  Why are leaving? I still haven't asked what your family health history is!! >
  
  I think the first two are okay, but after that yeah it gets weird. >
  
  Yeah I feel like briefly talking about religion if it comes up naturally is awesome. 
  It has really endeared me to some partners because we started having a pretty deep conversation really early on, especially after a little wine or whatever. It's really nice to actually learn about the person you're going on a date with, especially if you're like me and get kinda bored with small (or small-er) talk sometimes if you're dating around.
  And it's REALLY easy to smell red flags once religion comes up. >
  
  
  And it's REALLY easy to smell red flags once religion comes up
  
  What do red flags smell like? >
  
  Rather like tomatoes one might imagine >
  
  That's what dating sites like OKCupid are for. You put your non-negotiables in, and then don't hit on or accept dates from people who don't meet those. >
  
  For anyone wondering why conservatives are having to fake being liberals to get dates via apps. >
  
  I want to know what stage of life they're at and their core values. If they don't align then I'm not going to spend my time explaining my non-negotiables and potentially offend them or make myself feel vulnerable and obligated to justify my views.
  I struggle with communication at times, so can understand why being this direct has appeal though. >
  
  I think core values and stage of life fall under non-negotiables. >
  
  Good point, and agreed 100%, imo those parts are often percieved in general conversation without adding the pressure of considering someone as a potential partner though, so haven't felt the need to ask directly yet.
  If things have gone well, I'm content to give them a couple dates to be comfortable enough to have those deep conversations. I value being direct from the start, but I'd also rather a genuine answer than a defensive/awkward one. Waiting for one date or a couple doesn't seem that long in the big scheme of things tbh. I defo get it done early though, it's not my responsibility if someone doesn't know how to communicate their needs and I've given them every opportunity to. >
  
  I would probably say second date, but I agree that it should be discussed very early on. I think this is easier as we age and don’t want to waste time.