comment: >
  
  
  Is that not exhausting? 
  
  Not really. You don't have to let yourself be strung along. If someone constantly finds excuses why they can't meet up, just meet up with someone else. Just like you would if an aquaintance treated you that way.
  You write to 50 people, get 10 replies, maybe text for a couple days with them and then meet up with 3 of them where the texting didn't fizzle out. Then either get into a relationship that way or have fun and repeat.
  In real life you waste even more time with problem people, on dating apps you can hedge your bets against them.
context: I'm old.  Much of my dating was before cell-phones and before texting was common in the USA.  There have always been and always will be people who overanalyze what is going on in the unknowable head of the would-be partner.  I see no difference from then and now other than the medium over which the anxiety is induced.  
  If you don't know how to make someone feel special over text then don't do it over text.  The same question would have been posed by using the telephone back in the day, or by telling a friend to tell them.  
  If you value setting aside time then do it!  Just don't think that people were good at this in the past!  They weren't.  This is the stuff of shakespeare, let alone sms. >
  
  Likewise, guns pose no special threat because we could always kill people — it’s just a new tool — and cars are overhyped because land travel was always possible — they are just a new mode. 
  This is a silly line of reasoning. The advent of digital media and the rollout of increasing rapid/omnipresent forms of communication (email, texting, Facebook, tik-gram and so forth) have tracked with increased individual anxiety, increased rates of population level anxiety (in the clinical sense), and have basically created a new form of addiction.
  Likewise, no, they did not create our ability to over-analyze or to more broadly be neurotic from scratch, but it’s entirely plausible that they have made a big impact on this behavior — possibly to the point that some relationships aren’t viable because of it. >
  
  Millions of people are dating and enjoying it presently. 
  Dating has not been ruined. It still functions fine and results in sex, relationships, marriage, family, etc...
  You personally can choose to not interact through text and seek a partner that shares your desire to use voice or  face to face communication instead. Just because dating has changed a little in a way that you don't prefer doesn't mean it is ruined for everyone. >
  
  I’m not convinced by your argument because yes, some people like it. But is it beneficial for the majority? I’m not convinced >
  
  Where is your evidence / data / information to your claim that it hasn't been beneficial to the majority (aka ruined dating)?  
  We can't change your opinion based on just your conclusion.
  It's like somebody walks into my room and says, "modern movies have ruined dating for people".  
  Ok, thanks for your opinion.  What led you to conclude that?  I can't argue against your conclusion if we don't know how you got there. 
  If you said "I feel like divorce is so common and ruining our lives". I could point to data showing that divorce rates have dropped over 4 decades, and thus potentially changing your view. 
  Give us something to chew on perhaps? >
  
  I can ask you the same. Where’s the evidence that constant access to potential partners has helped dating? As far as “evidence” goes, look at how much later ppl are getting married for having kids. That’s def based on a variety of factors (namely money), but social media and weird toxic ideas about dating could also be contributing. My opinion is more of a comment on cultural observations >
  
  You're making a claim, the burden of bringing something to discuss regarding the claim is on you first 
  I can't form an opinion on whether texting has improved or degraded the dating lives of people, because I know nothing except my personal experience.  I'd have to go do some reading and find sources that discuss the matter. 
  My experience has been nothing but positive, but that's completely irrelevant to a discussion about the majority of people. >
  
  I don’t mind anecdotal experience with a discussion like this so throw it at me. What are the benefits of texting when it comes to dating, and do those benefits still exist if two people have completely different attitudes about messaging each other? >
  
  I like your open approach to this.  
  So I think that the ability to text is just a tool. Like a car.  Some people see it as a way to obsessively attempt to stay connected to their partner, others see less frequent usage as ideal. 
  -When two people have different expectations of communication via text,  friction results. Negative impact to relationship. 
  -When two people align on texting habits, it's an added benefit and positive impact on the relationship. 
  I have experience in both situations.  
  But I wouldn't want to exist in a world where texting doesn't exist.  It gives me and a partner the ability to find our happy medium to use the tool together for our benefit.  
  If two people can't agree on texting protocol between themselves and argue about it, that's not the fault of phones that can text.   It's a couples problem, not a technology problem. 
  Back to the car.  If I couple constantly argues over who gets to use the car, the problem isn't the car, it's the couple. 
  So I don't think introduction of another tool changes the nature of human relationships for the better or worse.   It's just another thing in the infinite line of things that two people have to work through and compromise on.   (Or get lucky in naturally aligning on) >
  
  That’s a fair analogy I could follow and I agree, tools by themselves aren’t responsible for certain behaviors… but can’t they enable bad behaviors or scenarios? What about the cultural attitudes we have about them? Hasn’t text made the more borderline obsessive check ins and updates more acceptable, and are they really a healthy expectation for anyone to have? 
  There are definitely some downsides to everyone having a car too. Now everyone has to drive to get basic necessities, and people who are disabled or don’t have the means to learn how to drive are at a disadvantage. I don’t know anyone who has a job they can walk to unless they live on campus as a university. That’s a whole other topic though. 
  I appreciate texting as a tool, but I’m not sure how much good it adds to the dating world. Especially since text has opened up the possibility of dating apps which is my main issue (would change the title of I could) and I find that social media has negatively impacted younger generation’s social habits which, of course, impacts dating too >
  
  Yeah I think you're right, texting is more than just a tool for couples. It has changed the landscape of expectations of communication. I agree. 
  And good point, some shitty behavior or unreasonable expectations are normalized now that didn't exist before.
  But good behaviors have flourished as well.  I can't tell you how awesome texting is in so many situations for me.  Simple ones like, "hey I'm eta 10 minutes but stopping by the grocery, please text your list". Or situations when traveling, etc.  It's amazing having this little thing in my pocket to message and feel secure knowing my partner got to the hotel safe or whatever.  
  That's not at all mentioning how texting can be used to keep a connection going through a day.  Sweet messages, photos, etc.  These can be enriching in the day to day existence of a relationship.  So that working people aren't disconnected completely all day.  Texting is private, discreet, and most people can find time to use it through the day.  (Some can't due to the nature of their jobs of course).
  For me, if I can work through the initial friction of different text etiquette with somebody, from that point on it's nothing but added value. >
  
  
  And further more, how much can you really learn about a person when most of your communication is just through text?  
  
  How much can you really learn about a person when most of your communication is just through letters. Did mail ruin dating? >
  
  I’ve seen an increase of people complaining of genuine loneliness because people don’t make as much of an effort to meet anyone in person anymore. Text gives the false sense of convenience and people don’t really call each other as much either. It’s just depressing >
  
  Well, if a person doesn't want to take the time to actually see or communicate with you, I don't think the relationship would work out.  
  So I don't know if texting as ruined dating. >
  
  But that’s kind of my point. Texting isn’t the only way to communicate, and if someone doesn’t want to text all the time I wouldn’t automatically assume they’re not interested. It just seems like too many people have VERY different attitudes about texting, but that can’t possibly mean automatic incompatibility… or does it…? >
  
  How has it ruined dating though? Considering that there are people who text a lot and are in a happy relationship? >
  
  I would say that it’s severely altered cultural expectations with dating and people with different needs or have different boundaries are at an immediate disadvantage. Does that even make sense? Im trying to respond to people who are replying and even that is exhausting. I can’t imagine doing this on a dating app or something lmao >
  
  
  Does that even make sense? Im trying to respond to people who are replying and even that is exhausting. I can’t imagine doing this on a dating app or something lmao  
  
  Can you clarify - are you saying that texting has ruined the prospect of finding a date, or actually dating someone?  
  Because I would say that it has massively improved it, considering you can contact many more people now than you could before.  
  
  I would say that it’s severely altered cultural expectations with dating and people with different needs or have different boundaries are at an immediate disadvantage.   
  
  Is being at a disadvantage for something that goes against cultural norms a bad thing? >
  
  1) Both
  2) In the dating world where you want to find a partner in the world you live in, going against the norm is gonna be a disadvantage. Our current culture isn’t exactly adhering to people who are more private, but that doesn’t mean a person who is more private wouldn’t be compatible with someone more outgoing >
  
  
  how much can you really learn about a person when most of your communication is just through text?
  
  What are you talking about?
  It's not dating if you only text... You get to know each other by meeting up. And if you are not interested, then sure wait a couple days, but "setting aside time" for someone already means that you either have a super full schedule and literally have no time for them, or you need a reminder to care about them
  Also, an immediate response, is not the only other option besides waiting a day, unless we are talking about falling asleep. You could also reply an hour or a few hours later when you read it, like a normal person. If you are not playing mind games, you don't need a day or even a scheduled timeframe to think before writing a reply >
  
  My assumptions are based on the main complaints I hear about dating apps. It seems like a lot of people feel that too many people just want to chat a lot without ever moving things out of the virtual world. I don’t think that was ever a problem before lol >
  
  That's a very different complaint from the OP. And has nothing to do with texting. The same could be said about letters, calling, videoconferencing, talking in person outside of the context of a date.
  
  I don’t think that was ever a problem before
  
  You mean people being strung along with love letters or teasing without intention of ever going on a date? That has happened for centuries.
  And why have this position about main complaints you have heard if you haven't even tried it? >
  
  Because it’s fun to see people’s views. Based on what I’ve seen and heard, I certainly don’t want to try it lol. I’m open to changing my mind but if the problem is really just people, and dating on an app gives you more access to more problem people then… uh… is the method of constant access to a bunch of potential partners even worth it? Is that not exhausting? 
  I’m new to this sub and probably could’ve fine tuned the title before posting but it certainly got attention