>

Now we know what the balloons were sent looking for
Man I never find anything cool. >

I found a bit of driftwood that looked like a duck once. Almost as good as a mountain of coke. >

How much are you selling the driftwood for? Do you have an Etsy store? >

$500,000,000 or best offer. >

How about a mountain of coke?
Edit: nvm I lost mine somewhere 😔 >

Best I can do is a falafel >

Somebody's whole family is getting skinned for this one. >

Yeah like generations of them… >

The drug lords were probably angry at the time, but once they calm down they will realise everyone makes mistakes and it will be a funny story they tell each other. 

Hey Jimmy, congrats on the new baby. How are you feeling about it?

I come home and see it and still can't believe it's real sometimes, scared shitless about being a father.

Just don't panic and toss it overboard when you see a flashing light! HAHAHA

Ohh fuck you man, I said I was sorry, It's been weeks! How long are you gonna keep bringing up that $550million cocaine story? I still feel bad about that.

Haha it's cool man. We can always get more cocaine. >

Followed immediately after by Jimmy and his entire family being skinned alive. >

he waited for him to have a family to skin. Cold. >

Fun fact I learned earlier today
Being skinned alive you can die from hypothermia because the skin supplies the warm >

Thank you for spreading the knowledge, it may save a life someday! >

…I don’t think that’s the right message to take away here… >

Tell that to the future heros of our generation, blessed with the knowledge of reddit to fight these motherfuckers (i don‘t really know what we‘re up against tbh) >

Wow its going to be a quiet week in Australia. >

Pfft! Cocaine is pissweak in Australia as it is so she'll be quiet regardless:
Coke light: drug tests show 40% of 'cocaine' had no cocaine >

Having lived in Australia. Weakest coke ever. Like shit, maybe 20% pure.. 
The Mandy on the other hand was always banging >

....... Mandy? Is that like another name for Molly or something? (MDMA) >

Yes ;) >

I look forward to the "Tiger Shark on Cocaine" film. >

Cocaine sharknado >

Moby Addick    
The great white nosed whale. >

Voiced by Andy dick >

Hopefully the shark eats him. Imagine the belly ache from his toxic flesh.. >

Shark would be fucked up for weeks. >

Shark eats him in California and wakes up in South Africa 3 weeks later with a pounding headache and a truck tire around his neck. >

Looks like the next Hang Over script is writing itself :D >

We're on it. My press agent is sleeping in his bed he had a cookie after he went pee, he's exhausted call him tomorrow. >

In other news, Jalisco New Generation are looking for a new shipping manager after the previous person to hold the position fell out of a ground floor window, breaking their neck. >

Seems more like a skinned alive sort of a thing. >

while funky town - 2023 remix is playing in the background >

The sheer cruelty of some humans. Never watched it, just read brief descriptions. >

I mean they are skinning a dude's face while hes still alive & they got him juiced up on adrenaline to keep him awake while hes being skinned. I vaguely remember maybe him having his arms and feet chopped off.
I would rather just shoot myself in the head then get caught by the cartel's torture boiz. >

Seriously, cartel torture boys are no fucking joke. >

Where? The Pacific Ocean is so big! Where would that be? >

The great Pacific coke patch >

That’s where crackheads dream of going when they die >

Somebody effed up bad, and their family is gone >

That or this was a drop meant for a submarine >

A Narco Submarine was my first thought, but then I saw where in the Pacific it was. Do the South-East Asian cartels also use Submarines? >

It was my impression that they only had low range subs >


"We believe there was enough cocaine to service the Australian market for about one year, and was enough cocaine to service the New Zealand market for 30 years."

I believe they probably underestimated  cocaine demand and  use. >

Cocaine isn’t that big in NZ. We are mainly weed, MDMA and P (meth) users. >

It would pick up massively if it wasnt 350+ for a gram and the quality was better >

How do you know this? >

It’s an educated assumption based on experience. People are going a bit off mdma, people get a bit over the brutal come downs and the jaw swinging. The most popular drugs in the 27+ crowd is slowly shifting towards coke, ketamine and your hallucinogens like acid and mushrooms. P is too hard a drug for most party goers. Coke would explode here if it was closer to the 100 dollar mark. If green guccis were still around well that is a different story those pills were incredible >

What’s a Green Gucci? >

The best ecstasy pill to hit nz shores for decades, a green rectangular pill with a Gucci insignia printed on it. Rumour has it they came straight from Amsterdam haha >

I get wanting to party and let loose from time to time but the Netherlands has severe issues with drug trade. Recently an attorney got murdered, bystanders getting killed in drugs related violence and the countryside is getting poisoned from waste products of ecstacy production. I've stopped doing drugs due to the havoc it causes. Luckily the trade seems to be switching to Antwerp somewhat. >

If they legalized, regulated, taxed, and labled ALL drugs, this wouldn't happen anymore. 
Prohibition makes matters much worse for everyone. (except the cartels and drug gangs)
With proper precursor chemicals and a professional lab, there would be no need to illegally dump chemicals. Regulation of the industry is of paramount importance. 
Legalize human freedom, already. >

Why couldn't I get this lucky when sailing around. >

Tf you gonna do with 3.2 tones of cocaine? Lmao >

Lots of coke lol.
Honestly, I'd just use it. Sure, you'd die fairly quickly, but that'd be one hell of a final year. >

Well at 3.2 tons you’d need to consume about 8.7 kilos a day. Which is about 2000 times the lethal dose for most people >

I'd leave a will. >

"To my brother, I leave my comically large pile of cocaine, I mean, laundry detergent I keep in the garage" >

Huge financial blow to the distributors? I think they're vastly overestimating the costs for them to produce this stuff. >

This whole article is full of bullshit. They are doing street value math the same way they do in America where they price it the most expensive smallest quantity sold then multiply it by what they seized. There's no total listed but it doesn't look like half a billion 100 keys maybe. Then they say it's enough coke to service the market for 30 years clearly lying about the market size. No one is shipping cocaine to get an roi in 30 years like it's some kind of cocaine mortgage lmao. >

I think they try to put the volume in terms people can understand, obviously they have no actual market price chart to reference lol it looks like a fuck ton of coke in the photos. >

In America they come up with the price because they know what low level dealers they nab off the streets daily are selling dime bags for. >

Somewhere, a grizzly bear is crying. >

Jokes on you, there’s a chance that some salmon could have gotten in on the cocaine and transported it inland for the bears >

I would love to catch a coked up steelhead. Sounds like a blast. >

So if it were to be found say in international waters, do salvage rights apply?
Maritime legal experts? >

Depends who knows and where you're going with the cocaine. US Coast Guard has been interdicting, arresting, and shooting smugglers in international waters before they can get to USA for at least the past 40 years. >

The ones they catch anyways. Obviously a lot more get through. >

For those like me who are wondering: The smugglers apparently used various stickers, including one of the Batman logo, to identify the different packages. >

Still ironic af considering they put a Batman sticker on the fucking cocaine bags. >

Wayne Industries is involved with everything >

That’s how Bruce be getting that big bucks ig >

How high are the dolphins jumping? >

Free Willy from his cocaine trafficking charges. >

Now we know why that kid invented the "ocean cleanup machine". >

Who does blow in a pineapple under the seaaaa……. >

spongenose nopants! >

More like “no-nose sponge-pants” >

Bruce Wayne's party has been cancelled. >

How else does Batman work every night and stay up all day to play Bruce Wayne? >

Honestly meth would probably be better for Batman so he doesn’t have to stop every 20 mins for a line “I’ve got you Joker! One sec.. (ssssnnnn) fuck yea, alright you’re goin back to Arkham!” >

I find weird always valuing those seizings at street level selling value, as if there is not a lot of work and costs till it gets to costumer. If a truck of peanuts falls of a cliff do we say 200.000$ in peanuts lost? Distribution, packing and selling involves costs, and people in this risky market demand high distribution fees. >

It's weird sure, but it does make a bit of sense when you consider that they're not planning to sell it. Instead, that amount of money was not extracted from the people of Australia to pay for those specific drugs. Sure, supply and demand means it'll likely come from somewhere else, but modelling that sort of interaction is a bit too difficult for a headline. >

Are you suggesting the people who process, distribute and sell drugs in Australia are somehow not Australian? Furthermore, it's incredibly naïve to assume all users pay the estimated street price. The metric exists only to inflate the apparent impact of these sort of reappropriations. >

It's like when they seize a couple pounds and list gram prices. Like most of that's getting sold at ounces for roughly half that amount. >

Wow, I'm a good person so I'm going to return the entire quarter million >

What are they going to do with that eigth of a million they found? >

How do redditors never get tired of this exact same joke comment chain repeating on every post about drug seizures? >

Listen, man. There are certain Reddit traditions, ok?  This joke chain in drug threads, when somebody makes a pun you start a pun chain, when somebody mentions their wife you say “I choose this guy’s wife”. They’re the laws of Reddit and they cannot be overcome by any mortal man. >

Bonus points if you can squeeze in a poop knife reference. >

Yeah I also choose this guy’s poop knife >

Oh THAT’S where I put that. >

The reason whales washed ashore dead in Oregon. >

Open and shut case, Johnson. Somebody sprinkled  some crack on those Orcas and got out of there >

Now to really hurt the cocaine industry, the authories should tank the retail price by selling all of this significantly below the market price. (taps head) >

I like the way you think >

That's the kind of island that I want to be stranded on if I am lost at sea >

One more thing. Price of the brick goin up >

Give Cthulhu back his stash we don't want him coming on land for more >

That's like 2 billion crack dollars... >

Fly pass Go and collect two billion crack dollars. >

Now if they could only find a bunch of hookers adrift. Then it’s a party. >

‘The drugs have now been destroyed.’.   
-Police spokesperson making overly obvious ‘wink-wink’ gesture. >

That's DISGUSTING!! Where exactly..... >

I hate it!! Was it the Atlantic or pacific? Think of the fish!! What size boat would you even use? Where would you get such a boat? So terrible! Would you need a crew for the boat? Do you have a crew? Damn criminals! How hard is it to drive a boat tho, asking for a friend >

Anyone call dibs yet? >

Chinese fishing super-armada calls dibs >

I want to see Cocaine Whale 🐋 >

Cocaine Shark? >

Cocaine Sharknado! >

Lazy floating drugs. Get to work! >

I never find anything cool. >

Did we say a billion dollars, err-mm, we only found half of a billion dollars… >

Doesn’t matter what they “found” it’s already “destroyed” >

Believe  it  or  not... straight to jail. >

"At a media conference this afternoon, Coster added: "We believe there was enough cocaine to service the Australian market for about one year, and was enough cocaine to service the New Zealand market for 30 years.""
Damn you Aussies fuckin' party >

Can you imagine the party on the sea bed underneath it? Be like fucking SpongeBob SquarePants down there >

Cocaine Shark movie incoming. >

I have a new idea for a movie “Cocaine Shark”!!!! >

Cocaine shark gonna be a great sequel to cocaine bear ! >

Be great if they’d scoop up some plastic waste while they’re out there searching for coke >

So that’s where all the crabs went. >

"500,000,000 of cocaine you say? Weird that someone would lose 200,000,000 worth of cocaine. Better collect this 10,000,000 worth of cocaine. Then once we are done we can impound ALL of this 2,000,000 worth of cocaine, and let the public know we found 1,000,000 worth of cocaine. Then we will dispose of all of this 500,000 worth of cocaine." >

You liked cocaine bear, get ready for cocaine shark! >

Cocaine Sharknado >

Don't let the US government get a hold of it. They'll get it sold to the public. Then catch them and put them in jail >

Not before cutting it with fentanyl and then having people die to reinforce the war on drugs. It's the long-con. >

That belongs to the CIA, hands off people. >

Lol some CIA goonie fucked up and missed the drop zone. 
Dammit Larry how are we gonna get more free prison labor now?? >

FBI Releases reddit post on schedule 1 substance to locate all the druggies.
We got em boys. >

“Major financial blow” lol >

Dolphins and whales reported rave dancing. One dolphin stated, "what do you think my blow hole is for?" >

Somewhere deep in a South American jungle a man is saying to El Supremo.
The head of one of the world's largest drug cartels;
"Boss you're going to laugh when I tell you this." >

The PaSniffic Ocean >

Its mine! Give it back, i lost it weeks ago >

Oh, you found my cocaine, cool 😎 >

Here we go...cocaine shark. >

BRB…going to rent a boat >

I wonder if it came out of a sunken boat or a sub. >

Miami during the 70’s be like heck yeah, been there >

Somebodies going to die. >

Fishy getting hiiiiiiiigggggghhhhhhh >

Damn.  I was hoping for videos of coked-up drop bears. >

Dibs!!!! >

Are we sure? Maybe I should test some? >

Well, hot damn, let's have a party! 
Unless... oh god, are the sharks setting traps for us now?! >

Burn it >

Fuck me >

This should be freely dumped on the open market. Fight inflation?! >

"We believe we have delivered a significant blow to an international..c..criminal synd-i-cates operation um..."  said the NZ gov't spokes-humanoid with absolutely no sign of irony or self-awareness whatsoever.  
Also...
They said 3.2 Tonnes (3200 Kilograms) is worth 500,000,000 that works out to about 156,000 for a kilogram, or $156/g.
Somebody's cocaine math is off. and itsniffaint me. >

Cartel gonna have a bad fiscal quarter. >

I thought I was just imaging that my Sea Salt had a little extra kick to it. >

I heard from an ex-coast guard dude, that whenever they found drugs after a boat-search, they just take photos, log records, then dumped the drugs in the ocean. Apparently common practice? >

That is one hell of a party. >

Jabba is gonna be so mad at Han. >

Fuck I need a boat!! >

I can’t believe cocaine is still a thing >


this entire comment thread

OMG WHERE
HUURRRRR A QUARTER BILLION
Guhhh I knew I left it somewhere >

Forgetting:
Sir we found half a billion of coke, what was someone trying to do with $100 million of coke, here you go boss the $1,000 of coke we found. >

These numbers are so dumb, drugs are only valuable AFTER they’ve crossed the border into a rich country, before that their value is probably close to the cost of manufacturing. The cost of coke to users is the result of a limited supply due to it being hard to get across the border (among many other factors) >

Cocaine Shark??? Do we get Cocaine Shark now? >

What a shame >

Next thing you know you have a bunch of sharks swimming around Colombia looking for more cocaine. >

The oceans were gifting cocaine to the people and the government stole it from them. This will anger the oceans just you wait and sea. >

Why does this never happen to me?! >

JUST 81? Not 85, 90, or 100? Hmmm >

Not as exciting as the rubber ducks that are adrift. >

Cocain Shark the sequel to the hit movie Cocaine Bare. >

Good thing the sharks didn’t find it. 
I wanna make a movie like that some day, cartel cargo plane flying over the pacific, accidentally drops a load of coke and ecstasy into the ocean. Some great whites find it, get high af, and go on a drug fueled rampage. >

I think the bear version of that is coming out or is out. >

Cocaine Shark coming.... >

Cocaine Bear…eh, cocaine whale?! >

Should really just legalise and regulate the market >

"You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” -Harvey Dent >

First Cocaine Bear, now Cocaine Shark, I think we finally found a franchise to rival Marvel >

Talk about the high seas. >

Good thing they sniffed it out >

Well now I know why my delivery is so late >

Where abouts exactly? Asking for a friend, my friend on the Oregon who owns a boat. >

They wouldn't tell how they know where to find it!! and yes it was 81 bales in total, and we have to trust this number because the authorities said so.. >

“Hey, everyone.  I found a quarter million dollars worth of cocaine adrift in Pacific Ocean.” >

Cocaine shark? Or ev3n better, cocaine whale >

sorry guys.. I'm going to have to cancel my birthday party   : / >

R.I.P. >

I think it's interesting that they always give the retail (street) value of drugs when seized. The wholesale (production) cost is rough 1/1,000 of the retail price in the US.  So this lost shipment "only" cost $500K to produce.  
When you make 1,000:1 profit on something, it really doesn't matter how many shipments you "lose."  It's an acceptable loss. They could afford to lose 99% of shipments and still make insane money. >

New movie in 20 years “Cocaine Shark” >

Congrats on siezing 80 bales of cocain. Hopefully the evidence locker is big enough to hold all 79 bales. >

That's horrible!  Where would something so egregious like this happen?  Like, specifically.  Just so I could avoid that area. >

Johnny Depp is back in the Pirates franchise confirmed! >

The…high seas…huh? >

Was the yayo okay tho? >

If this is your cocaine please call xxxxxxx to claim it >

Theyre planning the sequel to cocaine bear it seems.
Cocaine barracuda. >


"There is no doubt this discovery lands a major financial blow right from the South American producers through to the distributors of this product," Coster said.
"This is the single biggest seizures of illegal drugs by authorities in this country by some margin. While this disrupts the syndicate’s operations, we remain vigilant given the lengths we know these groups will go to circumvent coming to law enforcement’s attention."

lol at cops trying to take credit for this like there was some sort of investigational work done and then a bust. Someone literally just spotted it in the ocean..... The Discovery does not in any way offer a financial blow to the cartel.
The losing it did. I'm wondering if the ship sank? >

I found the sequel to Cocaine bear. Cocaine whale. Coming to a theatre near you in 2024. >

Man that's terrible, where are the cops going to keep the rest of that quarter of a billion dollars of cocaine once they get it into evidence? >

You’ve heard of cocaine bear get ready for cocaine shark! >

Where's Hunter? >

Can’t wait for the cocaine shark movie >

I need a bigger boat! >

Co*ine Supplier 1 : 
Shall we go for underwater 🫧 ride might get something 🔍
Coc*ne Supplier 2 : Nah No need Bro, Buy a Boat we need to go for Fishing in same spot , Those fishes would sell for way higher. >

Refugees really being inventive with their boats these days >

Realistically speaking that's like a million dollars from Peru. >

we found crush's stash. >

🎶Dunuh nunuh nunuh nunuh nunuh nunuh nunuh nunuh 🎶 COCAINE!!! >

Clearly it’s Batman’s cocaine. >

Obvs. up all night bruh >

Working on a sequel - cocaine sharks! >

Cocaine Shark movie when? >

Oh Fuck, Ricardo’s gonna kill me. >

Gonna be a long chain of dead bodies turn up over this one. >

Signs you're in a  recession = no one buying your cocaine >

Holy nosebleeds Batman! >

With todays inflation I can’t even tell if this is a lot. >

It fell out of the chinese balloon that was shot down . >

Why don’t I ever find cool stuff like this? >

Delivery service: Sorry sir, but this shows it was delivered at 1:30 pm to your front door. >

3.2 tons of coke.  Obviously it's a lot, but are they calculating that number using wholesale prices or "street" prices?  I feel like they always inflate the numbers.  
Cops love to find a pound of weed and claim they took like $100,000 of drugs off the street. >

The decoys. And officials know it which is why they are parading around like “we got all these drugs off the street”… No idiots, every coast guard boat in the area was called to this site, opening up the water for the real transports.
Cartels are the groups that use the tactics of starting a fire on one side of town, to rob a bank on the other. >

How’s Batman involved? >

I will take this opportunity to mention the difference between price and value. Half a billion dollars is what this drug might fetch on the black market. Cocaine always has a negative value. Long ago, it was a useful drug, in my youth I was told that it was sometimes still used on young children during dentistry when no other -caine class drugs would do. I imagine there are no longer any genuine uses for the drug today. Street value: half a billion. Actual value: negative number. >

Instead of Cocaine Bear, it will be Cocaine Shark. >

Cocaine Shark? >

Cocaine Shark! >

Cocaine shark >

*sorry everyone.  This cocaine was intended for your Halloween candy bags but due to logistical snags, you're just getting candy.