>

Do you get how young and naive you sound? Nothing is as easy as you seem to think it is. Relationships are work and they all suck sometimes. 
Come back here once you’ve been in the real world more than a year…
It's not that fighting (whether a screaming match or throwing punches) is unavoidable, it's that conflict is unavoidable. At some point you will have a difference of opinion with someone you're in a relationship with, and it will require compromise and patience from both sides of the relationship.
But that conflict doesn't have to turn into toxicity or violence as you're talking about, as long as you can talk about it together.
The conflict-resolution tool you have available is open and honest communication, and while a little white lie is fine now and then it won't help you solve relationship conflicts.
If one or both sides are unable or unwilling to have that kind of conversation, that's when the problems start. >

I agree with you. Screaming and yelling is not necessary for a healthy relationship. >

Conflict doesn’t mean screaming or yelling. >

I think occassional fights or disagreements are understandable. My wife and I generally don't argue for months on end, but there will be one little thing here or there that fires us up, but then it's over in like 5 minutes and we move on.  But multiple arguments a week, especially big ones? Seems insufferable.
My wife's sister fights so much with everyone that it's normal to her. She implied, a year or two after my wife and I started dating, that it was a HUGE red flag that we never fought over anything or had screaming matches, and that we were headed for a major disaster. We've been together for 12 years and no disaster yet.
Some people are just so belligerent and disagreeable that fighting has become their way of life. It's their answer to everything and it is omnipresent, so they convince themselves that, clearly, it must be necessary, and perhaps even a good thing.
Human beings are fucking broken, hardcore. >

Wow she sounds like a crappy person. It’s probably because she’s not happy in her relationship maybe she’s always been in one’s like it so she thinks that’s what it should be and thinks she’s happy but how disgusting of her to say it’s a red flag you don’t fight honestly sounds like she’a jealous and needs to bring you guys down to make herself feel better. Man I hate peoples like that they are obviously unhappy and hate people around them for their happiness.
Idk how you feel about her, sorry if I went to hard but damn dude I’m sorry you have to deal with that from someone in your extended family. >

Lmao, that's it's okay, friend; my own parents have been fighting daily for the past 20+ years, pretty much. Hell, my mom even fights with my dad when he isn't around; she'll just vent to me and tell me how her side of the argument would go, lol.
My sister-in-law is just a straight-up narc; bringing other people down so she can elevate herself is her whole MO. Her and her husband get into some kind of blow-out argument at pretty much every holiday gathering. She's a bitch, plain and simple.
I think maybe that's the reason my wife are so easygoing; we both grew up around people who wanted to fight for no reason, so we've learned to pick our battles, and when there is some kind of disagreement, we just discuss it and move on instead of turning it into a screaming match. >

Married for 14 years.  We don't fight often.  Very rarely in fact.  
Here is the Key(s):  
#1: Communication.  Be real.  When your upset you have to be able to communicate that clearly.  And talk about the issue, talk about your feelings, do not throw insults to make yourself feel better.  If you just too upset, then take a break and go for a walk, then try again.
#2: Never demand a solution to a problem that you wouldn't accept if it was pushed on you.  The golden rule really is critical here.
#3: Learn to pick your battles.  There will always be things that come up and annoy you.  Learn to pick which ones need to be dealt with and which ones should to be ignored.
#4: This is a 2-player game.  If both of you can't learn to live with these rules/suggestions, then perhaps you should think about moving on to someone who will. >

#4 only applies before you marry. Make sure the commitment of marriage is something you're sure of before you tie the knot. >

You can divorce >

You can, and sometimes it's the best option. But we shouldn't go into marriage essentially half-assed because "you can divorce". You should go into it expecting to be committed for life. A team attitude makes a huge difference in whether the trials of life drive you apart or bring you together. >

I think people are allowed to decide for themselves how much they value (or lack thereof) a silly religious tradition, that is based on a slightly unrealistic perception that people are meant to stay together until death, rather than until the relationship doesn't serve them both happiness and fulfillment. >


I am talking about yelling, screaming, and getting irrational

Uh yeah, those things are totally avoidable - if both people know how to handle their triggers and regulate themselves >

These are also pretty standard signs that communication has totally broken down. At this point if you cant manage to restore some form of healthy communication, you either need to see a relationship counselor, or consider moving on.
Been there, gets toxic real fast. >

and gets old real fast >

My partner and I argue, but I don't think it ever needs to be heated. I'm usually the person who gets more emotionally charged, so I'll take a step back and calm down. Thank God I'm with somebody who allows me to do that >

That’s only unpopular among dysfunctional people. >

Bingo. >

I'm with you. my parents still fight all the time. a few weeks ago I mildly snapped at my gf and she said "don't talk to me in that tone." I immediately felt bad and apologized, took it down a notch, continued to kindly address the issue at hand, and I haven't spoken to her like that again and I never want to. fighting is so unnecessary. I'm grateful she was able to call me out so simply. >

The therapist quote is absolute gold >

My therapist is a fucking godsend >

They sure are! Here’s my favorite similar quote:
When someone starts yelling, the conversation is over. >

Hold on to that belief strong, OP, and find yourself someone who shares it, because you're absolutely right, and people who agree with you are out there.
Everyone else is settling. You don't have to. >

You get triggered by a childhood trauma. My M.D. and I had a conversation about this and she told me this does affect your psyche to the extend of a psychological wound that may never heal into adulthood despite therapy. Mine resulted in depression and anxiety.
You develop coping mechanisms and watch for triggers. Parents don't realize the long lasting affects to children and it's abuse. >

How are you doing now? 😃 >

I'm doing well, thank you. >

I’ve been with my partner for almost three years and I can count on one hand the amount of arguments we have had. Not a single one of them turned into screaming matches. We sat down  and worked things out like adults. We started dating in highschool and we are both in college now, but age has nothing to do with respect. A lot of people don’t respect their partners or see them as equal and that trickles down to every aspect of their relationship. >

My wife and I have been together now for over 20 years. In that time we have argued twice and those barely registered as arguments. Constant arguing and bickering may be normal due to how common it is but it's not a good sign in any relationship. Both of us have been married before and there are good reasons why those relationships failed, including constant bickering. >

Me and my boyfriend give each other grief over stupid shit; he’ll tease me about my ADHD and I’ll mock him when he loses at a video game, but it never comes from a place of malice and if something is serious or if there’s a legit problem, we talk it out. It’s SO easy to not fight