>

Reddit when a 74 year old Russian dies: Must be a conspiracy!
I am starting to become suspicious.
I can accept 27 mysterious deaths as coincidence.
28 is just odd and concerning. >

At this point, Putin is the victim of reasonable paranoia.
It's hard to say whether any of the deceased were part of a potential coup, or a plot, and since any move against Putin would involve insane amounts of secrecy, we may never know.
Putin has never been this weak, or vulnerable, and the list of unhappy folks could fill a book. While it is more than likely that some group is planning something, these "unexplained deaths" are a warning of the consequences. >

You know, I'm just gonna go ahead and say it. I'm starting to think this Putin fella is a real jerk. >

If I were you, I would stay away from upper story windows from now on. >

and tea. >

And underwear… >

And doorknobs >

and copies of The Sims >

And Crimea >

And perfume bottles >

Putin gonna get Caesared eventually. >

May it happen soon. >

March seems so far away. >

Now it looks like Putin's here to stay. >

Why didn’t ATACMS come yesterday ~ >

Suddenly—Putin’s not half the man he used to be, he fell down the stairs and pooped and peed… >

Oh, ass cancer came suddenly. >

Oh my goooooood  🤣 💀 I am crying >

Me too lol. >

They keep having top people die, like they aren't losing enough people on the battle field... >

Oligarchs is one thing, they don't provide lotta value. But top engineers is kinda bitter. >

Oligarchs provide the most value when they get liquidated. The way you and I take cash out of the machine. >

Think of them more like a piggy bank, break it and you get all the money from inside >

Corrupted piñata >

Doesn't anyone just get "fired" over there?? >

They are being fired...out a canon..into the sun. >

Don’t you worry about being fired. Let me worry about blank. >

Nice one. I’d have also found “blank? BLANK!? You’re not looking at the big picture!” To be a suitable answer.
You an 80s man like myself? >

Wait, didn't I just read somewhere (NYT?) that Putin promised he'd never run out of missiles to bomb Ukraine with? 
So many coincidences! >

“Esteemed president, as your head of rocket department, I am obligated to inform you that we can, in fact, run out of rockets at this rate.”
P: “So you have chosen death.” >

More like: 
[Gets shot 6x in the back of the head]
P: 'Another suicide, what a shame' -Someone call the hatchet team for the wife and children. >

I had a Russian Advent Calender this Christmas. The trouble was, every time I opened a window, an Oligarch fell out. >

🌚 >

Are you the dark side of the moon? >

Waiting patiently for "Putin dies mysteriously" or "Putin falls out window" >

Or even funnier, "Putin gets defenestrated" >

Repeatedly >

It is clear that you better make an preemptive move to get Putin before he has you jump off thd 3rd floor mysteriously >

You come at the king, you best not miss. - Omar Little >

So what's the big story: are all these deaths an indication that there have been multiple coup plots that Putin has staved off? >

That would be a nice story. The alternative is that Pooty is becoming increasingly paranoid as things are not going well for him. >

Going Loco down in Moscow-cow! >

Who you tryin to get crazy with, ese? >

I’m insane in the Krem-lain! >

Insane in Ukraine! >

They're going to run out of people running Russia soon.   It's going to be Putin and Mendvedev in a room awkwardly making decrees to no one. >

How many oligarchs are there anyways? >

~80 >

There are going to be no oligarchs left at this point, aren't we at 25 dead by now? >

This ain't mysterious, this is just a long-form "Night of the Long Knives". >

month of long knives. >

Coming up on Year of Long Knives. There was a wave of dozens of oligarchs and their families who died at the start of the war, and then another wave a few months in, and then I couldn't even keep track - it's been constant the whole war. >

OSHA needs to check out these guys working conditions >

How long until ppl turn against this ahole… >

How long did it take them to turn against Stalin?  Oh yeah. Never. >

I think when Stalin was lying on the floor, a victim of a massive stroke but not yet dead, those guys around him (Malenkov, Beria, Khruschev and Bulganin) saw their chance by just doing nothing for at least 24 hours. And hoping like hell he didn't survive. So I think at the very end they turned on him by willfully letting him expire. Good riddance. >

I recommend the movie The Death of Stalin. 
“Well, should we call a doctor?”  
“We executed the good ones.” >

That movie is fantastic, also because all of the actors have their regional accents. >

I actually liked that they didn't bother making everyone do Russian accents. >

It's fucking glorious, especially Issacs as Zhukov. >

Putin has got to cop one sooner or later , surely >

First, it was Abe Froman.  Now, this guy.  I'm beginning to think this might be a little suspicious... >

The Sausage King of Chicago? >

Call me sir, goddammit!! >

First time I saw that I nearly died laughing. Was probably 10 or so >

I wasn't much older when i saw it for the first time.  I've waited my whole life to use that line, but, alas, it seems that using it on Reddit is my lot in life. >

You been replaced dude. Next time book your hotel on the bottom floor 👍 >

Russia sure is having a run of bad luck lately >

The "Kremlin Flu" strikes faster than COVID.... >

Never trust Russian window makers >

I’m really curious to see if this was Russia doing in house clean up, or foreign agents taking out key people? 
Only problem is it will be years before we know, if ever? >

I think once putin dies, the truth will come out. >

Morbid humour, but I'm kind of hoping he journals and we find it after he's gone.
"Dear Diary, my officials were so mean to me today. They said we have finite munitions or something. It made me sad. Mr Window was busy this week >:(!!!
Anyway Diary, got to go. Lavrov just said something silly again. Ugh! xx" >

I am sure these deaths are all just odd coincidences >

Stalinist purge. >

Not the first and certainly not the last to die mysteriously in the last like 15 years under Vlads rule. >

So Ukraine can't kill Russians fast enough so Putin: "Fine I will do it myself" - Probably >

I'm waiting for him to kill Yevgeny Prigozhin, that's when we will know that he has come to the conclusion that he can't win the war. >

Seems like a lot of Russians have developed a serious allergy to tea and high windows >

All those tripping hazards conveniently located by open windows. >

Tea and stairs get no respect. >

Honorable mentions . >

I’m guessing this runs deeper than just criticizing the war.  I’d bet all of these guys participated in some form of corruption with Putin and he is eliminating anyone who can testify against him. >

Testify against him in what court? >

No court, but any group who would attempt to remove Putin would need a reason, and proof of corruption would be a good reason if enough members of leadership were willing to go along. >

I'd think they would kill Putin first and worry about making evidence afterwards. The legal system in Russia is a joke at this point. You're guilty if Putin wants you to be guilty, truth is irrelevant. >

"It seems like we're running out of missiles. I know, lets kill the guy who makes them, so this never happens again." >

The walls are closing in >

No other profession has job security like being a Russian assassin, apparently. There's always another job. >

Unfortunately your first mission is always to kill another assassin. >

Are they draining the swamp? >

I really hope some day when this is all said and done we get some clarity as to what the reasoning was behind some of these. It's all jokes about watching out for windows and polonium tea and links to the wiki article for the term "defenestration" these days, but I think this stuff will be fascinating to read about 20 years down the road when we know more. >

Prediction time:  Putin will be dead in 3-6 months.  The writing is on the wall.  There is no plausible pathway for Russia to win in Ukraine without the national suicide that is nuclear weapons.  His upper echelon is growing increasingly discontent, enough that Putin is obviously trying to instill fear through a purge on anyone even whispering opposition. His only grip on power now is through fear and intimidation and he is weak.  I will be incredibly surprised if he is not assassinated soon. >

Gravity......is working against meeeee >

And gravity... wants to bring me down >

“Rocket man, burning out his fuse up here alone…” >

I guess he told Putin that they will probably not be able to go to the moon again... >

Everyone always immediately blames Putin responsible but I think the idea of clandestine warfare doesn't get enough attention. Picking off people one by one until there's no one left. >

Sudden Russian Death Syndrome >

So is his security apparatchiks eliminating potential threats and underperformers? >

The Kremlin, keeping the word 'defenestration' relevant in the 21st century >

A few dozen more, I will start to become skeptical. >

Terrible >

At this rate, someone should take him out soon enough. >

We will not run out of rockets... just the men who make them! >

It may also be the rage of a man who needs to blame others for Russia having been fleeced of the things it needed and now it - and Putin - are suffering a massive loss of face and a decaying presence on the international stage.  So he's getting rid of them... but the people he replaces them with aren't going to be any less dishonest or corrupt.  The beast will continue to devour its own tail. >

Someone’s got a death note >

“Fourth official die mysteriously”… it’s call Putinitis >

he failed to distinguish what fruit putin has been eating most lately >

Man's either cleaning house so he can fill the spots with sycophantic yes-men...
Or he's a doing a Emperor Chin and is doing  pre-accidents on people who could stop him when he decides to order his people to build a wall. >

I wonder if he had him taken care of because the rocket was not pointy… The Dictator 🎦 reference >

How many more lives have to be lost before this insanity ends, Putin must have gotten 200,000 people (mostly young men) killed and for what? He already controls more land than any world leader >

Putin is absolutely willing to sacrifice every last russian. >

Is Putin removing opposition inside his military circles? Or is Ukrainian Intelligence better at clandestine operations than anyone thought? 🤔 >

What’s the odds on the cause of death being that he fell down an elevator shaft and landed on 27 bullets? >

the more of this that happens, the more concerned the people closest to him will become, and they'll start to discuss amongst each other their fear of when it might be their turn.  that's the snowball that will end his reign methinks >

Putin pension plan in full effect >

Why hasn’t Vladimir Putin died mysteriously yet >

Maybe the rockets were not pointy enough >

Why is it always The Daily Mail?
Is it his inner circle or his critics? Make up your mind… >

Putin : [in the lower lighthouse]  Listen, I think we got started off on the wrong foot. Uh - Let's talk music. Do you like the Elton John song, "Rocket Man"?
Vladimir Nesterov : I don't like soft-ass shit.
Vladimir Putin : Oh, you - Oh, oh. Oh. Well, I only bring it up because, uh, it's you. You're the Rocket Man.
[Putin fires a rocket at him] >

Ahh some good news; >

These stories I just search for the word "Window" if it shows, you know they displeased putin. >

Are all those models of Russian tanks and armor? I would be embarrassed to have those up, given what we now know! >

Whatever the illness Putin has it seems to be contagious. And if you don't have his medication you just die. >

I am beginning to suspect that some of the deaths on this big list of a lot of deaths that are totally unconnected and completely accidental might actually be connected. >

In a mutiny situation there are only two options . The Captain gets rid of the crew . Or the crew gets rid of the Captain . >

Slow motion Night oh Long Knives. >

"Russia will never run out of rockets!"
"Actually sir, at the rate we are using them we'll be out before Spring"
"Throw him out the window!" >

Very mysterious, yes, yes. >

Four hundredth maybe… >

It’s obviously suspicious, but I have no idea how often old (likely unhealthy) Russian men die. >

Eventually all these rich people are going to decide they’d rather not die to save this man’s pride. >

There's a reason he sits at the end of a quarter mile long table with nobody around him. >

Jason Bourne is just racking up kills this year. >

well it seemed that Putin is still in control of the FSB.  It helps to be an ex-KGB agent when you want a lot of people die in a short amount of time by "accident". >

No one can question you when no one is alive >

Are we not even bothering to release a cause of death at this point? >

Gravity >

Russians should really stay away from high windows. >

maybe a purge is necessary to stay in power? maybe he got hint that a soft coup was coming? >

I swear being rich in Russia has to be the world's most dangerous profession at this point. Just by percentage >

There are some hungry leopards in Russia lately. >

When the oligarchs die, they all leave their entire wealth to Putin, strangely.  Putin is so selfless he donates it all to the SMO effort, and for propping up the Russian economy. >

See, it's not just the conscripts, they should stop complaining about being treated unfairly /s >

Purge after attempted coup? >

A Song of Smirnoff Ice and Fireball Whiskey. >

Putin is walking in Stalin's paths. >

He is probably killing off any potential people that would have a following or are brand names in Russia, just incase some intel service backs them and encourages a coup. and these are just the ones were aware of. >

Stalin level of paranoia incoming >

I’m starting to think that it’s not safe to work for Putin >

Russia ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids. 
In fact, it’s cold as hell. >

And there'll soon be no one there to raise them if you did. >

The most dangerous job in the world right now is being a Russian official. I hope they're getting paid a differential for the risk they're taking on. >

What's so mysterious about a bullet to the head? >

Man did Putin not learn from the USSR? There is only so long before you can hold a gun to the head of the people before the go idc, then shoot me. >

Putin's cleaning house, anyone he doesn't completely own who could threaten him is at risk >

Sanctions work. Everything is falling apart for Putin's regime as the Ruble is not doing so hot. 
But hey as my Russian friend pointed out, even if the Russian economy tanks the Russian ppl will persevere because they are a tough and hardy ppl who do not need much and can survive on next to nothing. So they have that to either fall back on or just keep on doing. >

Bro pulled a rare bullet in brain disease >

Maybe Putin will do us all a favour and die "mysteriously". >

So tragic to see bullet in the brain disease take yet another life >

The guy wasn't exactly a spring chicken. >

If they weren't considering a coo before this has to give them some idea. >

Didn't he have some an illness that was killing him? >

I don't even know any from these lists and I watch news regularly. They're just spare parts of Putin's system >

In the US, knowing the president opens doors. In Russia, it opens windows. >

Something is going down in Russia >

As fucked as it may sound I genuinely want him to get the Gaddafi treatment, including being sodomized with a bayonet. I also hope that since technology has evolved we'd get that recording in 4k reaolution >

Putin will need a longer table soon >

I am not an expert in international affairs but I daresay something is going on. >

Hardly a mystery. You fall out of love with Putin…he cancels you >

Jack Ryan Season 4? >

another one bites the dust >

If they are dead, Putin can take all of their illegal money, and maybe some of their legal money, too. >

I think the only safest way to live in Russia right now is to live on the ground floor,lol...anyways keep thinning out your officials pootin your turn will come. >

Well.. if I had to guess.. some oligarchs want the war to end so they can go back to peaks of their wealth and privilege...
So putin kills them? >

This thread is full of reddit's top comedians. >

The more that these oligarchs and officials die the more normalised it becomes for whoever is doing it, probably putin. 
Ergo
The number of deaths in this purge will accelerate, and either result in a backlash against the killers, or subside when enough are deemed to have been eliminated.
Sucks to be Russian huh? >

Alright but when is Putin going to die mysteriously? >

No rockets? >

What is it about Russia that it ends up with crazy leaders? >

I wonder when his supporters will realize that they could be next at any moment. >

Right when they get conscripted >

Nostradamus predicted his fears . >

Mysteriously? He was 74 and Russian.  That is very old. >

OSHA in russian оша means hearth. You get burned >

They really need to do something about the windows in Russia >

They do, they push ogliarchs and government figures through them. >

Yep, watch yourself Roger Waters, he ain't kidding! 🙂👍 >

Someone needs to close the windows in Russia, dudes falling out of them, catching weird illnesses, stray bullets, etc. >

Eye witness account: He just like pushed himself out of a window then like fell on some bullets. >

I wonder how Lavrov will go.
that ego surely needs something extra special...
imagine if he met a voice deeper than his.. but with truth in it instead.
​
It would kinda suck if they go poosy hitlerian suicide on each other. >

Let me apply a little bit of kremlinology here. I think Putin has sense a coup and is now successful in nipping it. 
This is bad for the war because now he can intensify further. I doubt Ukraine can hold it off for one more year. >

Putin is killing these off because they disagree with him..this is who trump wants to be. >

Another "fallitis windowtitis" attack? Man, those viruses are nasty. >

Falling is contagious in Russia >

The group loyal to Putin who are carrying out these executions. Who are they?
What is the organisational structure? I would not be surprised if the structure is equally brutal. Once you are tasked with killing an oligarch, you yourself get killed upon mission completion.
These are the true believer, kool aid drinking types. Similar mindset to those islamic terrorists who blow themselves up. 
Russian conquest is their religion and they will kill and sacrificed themselves for that cause.
Very strange culture. >

🎶🎵🎶Another One Bites The Dust!🎶🎵🎶Another One Bites The Dust! >

Did he trip and fall in front of a car? >

I am pretty sure these guys are getting purged for egregious embezzlement. My question is why the executions instead of show trials? Is it Putin doesn’t want to have to admit how badly the “Russian Elite” have bled the country white through corruption. Is it that Putin has just hit a point where holding trials never even occurred to him? >

whats so suspicious about murder?? They were murdered. They didnt die!! I know this, you know this!! We are literally all waiting for the news that vlad is dead! >

I heard a rumor that his underwear caught on fire and he jumped out a window in a high rise to try and put the fire out.  He was successful when he hit the ground, unfortunately he died on impact. >

such slippery floors, and so high above the staircase. Oh, my vertigo. I must be suffering from "russian accident". please don't take me to a hospital as I'm likely to find my way out the window, so clumsy >

Did he fall out of a window onto some bullets?
Defenestration is a fucking magnificent word. >

Is it true comrade Nesterov committed suicide?

Da, da. Very true. Ate poisonous mushrooms.

But tovarich Nesterov had two bullet holes in the back of the head?

Durak. Refused to eat the mushrooms.