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leg cramps make me feel like my life is over.
Even thinking of a leg cramp brought a tear to my eye. >

One of them could be a blood clot one day that travels to your heart, lungs or brain and does some real fucking damage. 
Something to keep in your hopper. My grandfather was a vascular surgeon. It’s amazing how many issues started with a sharp cramp. >

I like the feeling of sticking shampoo bottles up my butt