>

Someone who is miserable and down on themselves because of they way the percieve other people to see them is unattractive. 
Someone who is secure in themselves and feels confident inspires that feeling in others and that's what makes them attractive as a person.
Someone who is self-obsessed or arrogant makes other people feel lesser or makes them recoil. 
We're a social species, we want to be around other humans that make us feel good.
Don’t confuse being a jackass with confidence. Confidence is being able to order your own meal from McDonald’s. Asshole is being entitled with a lack of humbleness >

"Confidence is being able to order your own meal from McDonald’s" - no, almost everyone can do this, and as a rule of thumb if something applies to or explains all people/situations, then it means nothing. I'd say the term "assertive" is better ("having or showing a confident and forceful personality"). Here I can see how OP thinks people considered assertive are not attractive - because they are often full of BS. It also applies to a smaller % of people >

That’s not confidence. That’s being assertive. >


having or showing a confident and forceful personality

Yeah but the definition of assertive literally includes "confident" and amplifies this with "forceful". To elaborate, to have a person regarded as confident by others, their confidence needs to be more pronounced than the average. >

But you don’t need actual confidence to be assertive. >

Confidence is attractive because I don’t want to have to reassure you every 15 seconds. It also gets pretty tiring how they think you’re out of their league. Just leaves a bad taste in your mouth. >


It also gets pretty tiring how they think you’re out of their league.

To be fair they're just being honest with you. >

Honesty doesn’t make it any better. I can be honest about a lot of things but that doesn’t mean it’s better than not saying it in the first place.
Obviously if I’m dating you I find you attractive and in my “league” so why does it even need to be said. >

If you don't like you, most people are inclined to agree. Nobody wants to be friends with someone or date someone who it's a chore or an argument to like; it's miserable. Also, this extends quite a bit beyond looks, but that's a separate point. >

Even if you do like you, appearance is like 90% of what actually matters. Otherwise people wouldn't date Attractive jerks by the boatload.
Not an incel, I think women are great, but it's clear there's some delusions amongst the public about what matters in dating standards. >

I dunno man, I'm gay. I'm not my type, he's not his type, but we're each other's types. I guess my point is that having an attractive appearance is pretty variable in my experience; it's obviously important in romantic relationships, but what "it" is changes from person to person. >

I mean yeah that makes sense, but you can't deny the vicious cold competitiveness of today's dating culture.
Honestly I wish I was gay. That'd probably make things way easier, and obviously I get along better with guys than girls because well I'm a guy. >

You need a certain amount of it, honestly. Yes, over-doing it is a problem. That comes off as arrogance and being a douche.
I know very little about women... but in my limited experience "dating my wife these past 13 years", I can tell you, I've learned most women appreciate a man with a plan and don't find timidness or being a feeble pushover attractive, broadly speaking. This even extends to the bedroom -- she appreciates when I take the lead. She's more submissive than dominant, and I don't think it's unusual for heterosexual women to play that role in intimacy and dating scenarios - it's fairly biological. >

But that's a fine line. There's a fine line between wanting to be confident and coming off creepy. Most guys would rather not risk it at all because so many girls think it's creepy.
You can't have your cake and eat it too. You can't want a guy to be confident but "just the right amount", it doesn't work that way for us. A girl that desires that seems like a diva. We can't read their minds. Either it's too much or too little, and the 1% of guys that get it "Just right" have all the opportunity. >

I’d argue the 68 million married guys in the US got it “just right” for the women they’re married to… at least, enough of the time. >

Not sure where you got that statistic from, but assuming you are correct, that still leaves a LOT of lonely single guys in the continental US compared to women.
Not to mention the vast majority of lonely men in other countries like South America, East Europe, Asia. Dude, guys in India will swarm women in the streets because they have nobody (nothing against the people or culture, they're smarter and more lively than anyone else). >

It’s about 68 million married men and 70 million married women (assuming widows in there too).
That means plenty of lonely people (or under-age/post-marriage/never want to be married) of both genders.
Those statistics tell me men and women who want to get married inevitably find a partner. >

Ah well not everybody is as lucky as that select few, are they. >

Is it a select few? Seems like well more than half the adult US population that’s of age to be married to me. More if we exclude those still in college, or too old to be married, or those who already divorced and/or lost a partner. >

Ok mate tell me what are you doing to land a girl that's different than what millions of other guys are trying to do? What's so special that every other lonely guy seems to be missing it? >

Very simple. I dated a girl who I took an interest in. She was not a Maxim model, nor was I on the cover of GQ. 
Nothing fancy. I returned her calls and texts. I didn’t try to date 3 women at once. I played less video games so I could spend more time with her. I listened to her silly stories, remembered her family member’s names, laughed at her jokes, made her laugh, paid for her meals, bought her little knick-knacks, let her pick the candy for the movies we’d watch, didn’t pressure her for sex… in short, I was a gentleman. 
It’s not rocket science. Which is why 68 million average men are married. >

I can't be mad or disagree with your points because you're not saying anything ridiculous, but you gotta know how lucky and uncommon that is dude. Millions of average looking guys who probably look better than both of us combined are throwing their heart out right now for someone, and it's just being left in the wind. They will die alone
Not saying you aren't a gentleman, because you probably are, but you are 110% lucky and I'm not sure there's much else to it than that. >

OP is clearly single >

And ready to mingle.
Nah, they just seem pretty lonely tbh. Feel for em >

I think the issue is we are crossing a lot of different concepts.
It's okay to be ugly know your ugly and still manage confidence from that.
Confidence isn't purely self image. Confidence in the kitchen. Confidence in plans.
Confidence in it's best form, are about how you carry out your actions. How do you pick yourself up? How comfortable are you?
In addressing what you are saying: being comfortable with your looks is the difference. You don't have to like how you look. So the negative would be dwelling on the way you look(good or bad it's something out of your control). >

You can have confidence and humility at the same time >

Are you really asking why is it unattractive if someone dislikes themselves? Humility and straight up not having confidence are completely different. But to answer the question being around someone who thinks they are lesser than others doesn’t sound like a person I’d want to be around with. Confident people are generally happier people it’s that simple. >


But to answer the question being around someone who thinks they are lesser than others

But why is that so bad? Wouldn't you rather be around someone who thinks of themselves as lesser than you, than be around someone who thinks they are above you (and they show it)? 

generally happier people it’s that simple.

Why should all guys have to be happy well-rounded individuals with no inner-demons. Most guys are perfectly happy to accept a woman with flaws. >

I’m not saying people should be perfect. But let’s not act like feeling that you are lesser than others is normal. And your point about being around people who are lesser than above isn’t very good. It honestly isn’t that black or white. You do realize people are capable of having a normal self esteem right? >


I’m not saying people should be perfect.

But that's what women expect bro! Why do you think the "I want a 6-foot guy with a 6 pack and 6 figure salary" Is such a meme on reddit? Because thats what every girl wants. That's like 1% of guys.
You can't expect the majority of men to have healthy self-esteems when they're essentially doomed if they can't meet those three requirements.
Oh, and the ones who don't look like George Clooney and still end up with someone, are about as funny and charismatic as Literally ten comedians combined. Basically charisma personified. So guys who don't have that lightning quality are disqualified too
We can't win >

Would you be into someone who is completely shaking in their boots scared to talk to you? Not just once, but the whole relationship? At least some confidence plays a role in building a relationship for both people.  Confidence versus being a bragging dope is a different story. >

Confidence has nothing to do with daring to talk to your partner. >

Lol yes it does. And I’m not talking about daring. That word pulls this out of context. When you speak to anyone, are you confident it is the message you want to convey? Hopefully. >

Why would someone with low self esteem be scared to talk to their partner? I don't see that. >

There's millions of men who are alone because they're afraid to ask a woman out for a cup of coffee, or hell, just her phone number to plan a date later. They don't want to risk the rejection. That's a lack of confidence. And it's not a recipe for building a typical relationship. >


because they're afraid to ask a woman out for a cup of coffee,

No mate. No. They do ask, and they get left on read. Everytime. Simple as that. 

They don't want to risk the rejection. 

Because it's coming! They know it's coming! A Tuna fish isn't going to try walking on land because it knows it would perish. Guys get rejected all the time, there comes a point where they don't want to do that anymore. >


it’s not a bad thing to be ashamed of an ugly appearance

You can still dislike an imperfection on your body and remain confident. Confidence is more than just how you feel about your looks, it’s more of a general belief in yourself.
How do people expect to meet partners with no confidence anyways? You first need the confidence to approach someone in the first place or interact with someone. >

Trust me if it was as easy as being confident tons of alone guys would be dating by now. Can't just flip a switch and become another person, a lot of lonely guys will die alone >

Of course not, confidence alone doesn’t guarantee you a partner. It’s just that you aren’t taking chances it isn’t likely you are going to fall into one spontaneously especially if you are a guy. 
To me it doesn’t matter if you are making 6 figures with a good head on your shoulders VS. a guy who is unfit, plays too much video games. It may be easier for the former to be confident in himself, but the latter needs to be confident enough to also interact with women if he cares about having a partner, in addition to confidence on working on himself if he dislikes an imperfection that can be fixed. Being a blackpilled doomer doesn’t seem to come out with any winners, so might as well just try and have a chance at winning. >

You’ve never been with someone with zero confidence before huh? >

Confidence is the surety of what you are, I believe. Knowing what you're capable of and what you're not capable of.
Reality, and perception of it, is multifaceted. If I walk up to a girl and give her my number, she might think that's confident behavior. I might think nothing of it, and some other dude watching it unfold might think I'm cocky. When people say confidence is attractive, they're referring to the tunnel vision on one's own perception of the self; What matters is what I think and what I think only. This is inherently biased, because it draws from only one data pool when there are three of them (in this example) to consider.
Most of the world doesn't think like this, though. And I'm not entirely sure why. >


so it’s only logical to start disliking yourself if you lack a good appearance.

It’s one thing to admit to yourself your not pretty, but to dislike yourself because of your physical appearance is a logical decision to you? >

In a society where looks are everything, having an ugly appearance will lead to a lower perceived value. If society was all about catching fish and you have caught zero fish, that will lead to you thinking you're not enough. Society is insanely harsh to ugly people. If there was an accident or murder of someone on the news, my mom would always say: "That's so terrible, and he's such a handsome man!" For example. That's what I mean with that looks are everything nowadays, it even defines if you deserve something bad happening to you. >

Confidence is attractive to females, that's why girls get used by narcissistic men so often, they make the girl believe "he's the best" then she gets used and thrown away...
Women want zero commitment before sex now so it's happening very ofter, all the girls I know from 14 to like 25 have so many stories that exactly the same, just got fooled by a narcissistic groomer. >

Not sure why you're being downvoted you are definitely right