>

very low max bet on the 100+ ones
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The fairest machine in the casino

Genuinely took me too long to realize this wasn't the "Who's the fairest maiden in the land?" kind of fair. >

"O change machine, thou art the fairest of them all!" Sayeth he who a dollar lost but rejoices as he collecteth his quarters four. >

Though he sayeth such to the Fairest in Casino, he who foundeth much comfort in the equivalent exchange rate - sought he yet to bartereth with splendor and glamour, his quarters four shown surely to maketh gain for the meager cost of a nickle! >

Gambleth he forth his last quarters four,
Lost are they now, his dollar is ancient lore,
He wonders, ponders, his wealth of yore,
Quoth the Casino, "Nevermore". >

1 of paper = 4 of coin, just make sure the mushrooms on top, and wait! JACKPROT! >

It's easy ya dingus. Win every time. Just watch out for crasino hunks. I hear they break bones if you talk with a sass mouth. >

An old joke I heard:
A worker at a casino sees an old man standing in front of a change machine putting in bills and getting change.  Every time he does, he shouts "Yaay, I win!".  The worker thinks it's both nice and a little sad and that the man may be demented.
The worker leaves for lunch and comes back to find the front of the machine open and a maintenance person working on it.  He asks what's up, and the maintenance person says the machine is broken and has been giving 5 quarters for each dollar. >

Lol, he got rich from quarters >

We 6 electronic pulltab machines at the bar I work at.  We’ll usually ask if they want a specific one, or if they want to play ‘box seven’ because it pays out better.  
‘Box seven’ is the ATM. >

On the way to the casino recently we stopped at a 7/11 to use the ATM and my buddy got short-changed by the machine. Not many worse feelings than entering the casino down 40 bucks because you were robbed by the bank. >

There are very rare occurrences of machines having higher than 100% return with perfect play. One of my grandpa's friends who professionally plays video poker (actually comes out ahead in the long run) found a video poker machine that the pay tables he computed to be 100.5%. He spent 3 days at that machine, maximum bet. The 3rd day there, a security person came by and asked for him to get up because they were changing the machine. He gave an innocent, "Aww, but I'm on a roll." The security guard leaned down and said, "We estimate you've made about $65,000 the past 3 days. I'm asking you to leave." He was like, "Ok, fair," and left, and they changed that machine out. He'd actually made about $70k.