>

Selfish would be putting the responsibility onto the older siblings. It’s their life and if that’s how they want to live it so be it!
Who in their late teens is in the process of starting or having their own family? >

Teens who don’t think condoms are important >

Lol, I could be wrong, but I think you both misread the post. If not and you're just having fun, then please carry on. >

Nah I got OP I’m just making a joke with what the og commenter said. >

Username checks out >

As long as the older sibling isn’t expected to play parent, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. Also I doubt most of those pregnancies are intentional >

One of the two isn’t intentional.  Could be having a kid in their late teens vs mid 30s >

Completely ridiculous.  Take your upvote. >

Yea fucking hell this is stupid. He/she has my upvote for sure. >

I mean OPs not wrong, I've known such cases and indeed they didn't have a normal sibling relationship. >

I mean... Is every child entitled to an appropriately aged sibling? 
What about only children?
My sister and I did nothing but fight until I was a preteen, then very shortly there after I found sex and drugs and ruined whatever brief close friendship/sister bond we had, and we were 3 years apart.
Not every child has a sibling. Not every set of siblings has a good sibling bond.
As long as the parents lovingly parent, provide for, nurture, and supervise (and all the other millions of things good parents do) each kid, they aren't being selfish. >

Sister and I are 6.5 years apart. We still don't get along in our 30s. I don't think "appropriately aged" is ever a guarantee, despite what my sister seems to think.
In the Nature vs Nurture- it's Nurture here. It's on the parents to foster healthy relationships between children, no matter how close or far apart they are (and then on the individual as they grow and guide their own actions). >

My eldest sibling is 20 years older than the last.  In the middle, I am 8 years older than the last and 12 years younger than the eldest. I happen to be the bridge between both “generations” (or more accurately age groups). Neither feels understood by the other but I perfectly understand each of them and their respective ways of reasoning to a large extent… >

People shouldn’t have children with the intent of bonding them with their other children. There’s also no guarantee any responsibility will be put on the teenager. And lastly, who determines the “stages of life”? >

Agreed.  1.) You would have to be an unbelievably negligent and downright lazy parent to expect your older kids to do any of the raising of their younger sibling.  That isn't the older kids' responsibility. 2.) No matter what age you have your kids at, there is no guarantee they will get along.  3.) A teenage kid should be preparing to leave the nest for college, getting a job to save up to move out or going to the military as the next stage in life not jumping in to get married and having kids of their own. If that's where a teenager wants to go immediately after high school, then that kid needs to be in a position to support themselves and the child/spouse anyway.  An accidental baby with someone shouldn't be throwing the original parents' life plans into chaos.
"Sorry mom, sorry dad, you guys can't have that second kid you always wanted because I knocked up the neighbor girl at a party. I know you planned on me moving out and being responsible, but i changed my mind. I guess I'm an only child forever now, and i win Christmas." - not saying that this is the mindset of someone who gets pregnant as a later teen or in their early twenties but if your parents were planning to have a baby when you turned 14 you can't expect them to hold off because you might end up getting yourself or getting someone else pregnant when you're 17. >

Hmm, I guess this is probably unpopular, because I don't think most people would consider it from this angle. I understand what you're trying to say, but it wasn't enough to convince me of your position. >

There is definitely a certain type of parents because of which someone would have this opinion. I understand what OP is saying because my youngest sibling was born when I was 15. I’m 20 now and still have to cancel plans, come straight home from university etc because I’m the designated babysitter. This past week I managed to grab a cup of coffee with a friend after months, and still had to make it home within 2 hours. >

Yikes, my older brother was only the emergency babysitter, and that was rarely (luckily my mom was a stay at home mom) he was 14 when our youngest brother was born (youngest bro was a surprise) and like their initial plan was a few years age difference between me and older brother. My older brother is 10 years older than me 😅 >

Sounds like a salty first child with a younger sibling >

Definitely. There are wins and losses to both being oldest and youngest. Yeah, my sister had to babysit me as a teen because she was 7 years older. Trade-off is my parents could afford to take her and my brother on way better childhood vacations. Once I hit the scene it was too expensive. She complains about having watched me but I remind her "well you got two trips to Germany and the UK full of memories but the only memory I have from the one UK trip I went on is our cousin biting my nose."
Also I was unplanned so it could be these parents thought they were set and then have an accidental kid. >

I'm confused where's the win? Her having to take care of you and not being able to go on nice holidays are just losses. Or are you saying you're the win? >

The win is that as the youngest sibling you get to fuck with the older siblings and run to mom as soon as things go south. /j
But seriously I can't think of an actual win. >

I've got a newborn half bother right now. And I can't think of any wins yet.  The house is louder, I get forced to take care of him when everyone's busy and he's very fussy in that he doesn't want you to stand in 1 place when carrying him.
I love the little guy but I can't think of any wins so far. Maybe it'll change in the future but so far there's not much. However my mum and step dad are overjoyed and I'm moving out in a few years anyway so I'm not too bothered by the change in my life. >

My sister is 8 years younger. The biggest win was more motivation to move out because she was so bratty and lazy I couldn't stand living with her (she also turned several of my friends from having children) >

I'm sitting here composing a reply chastising you for the fact that none of your post is at all objective and basically just amounts to your.... opinion. Then I remembered what sub I'm on. Take the damn upvote.
Sidenote: who do you know in their late teens in the process of starting their own family, excluding unwanted pregnancy? >

I mean I wouldn't say so. I had my daughter young and I don't think it's selfish to wait to have more. Ensures her quality of life and I will not force her to watch them. >

My grandma can do you one better.
She got pregnant with my mom when her eldest daughter was 22. And also pregnant. >

My aunt had a baby a few years after her eldest daughter had a baby. So my cousin’s kid had a baby auntie. >

OP it's definitely the older child who is used to being the only child and is now upset that they are not the only child. >

Id rather have my parents fking than fighting just saying >

OP’s got an axe to grind. >

I was the older in this situation, you're fucking nuts mate haha >

I'm 13 years older than my youngest brother. My middle brother who is 3 years younger than me is an absolute menace. And I hate him. My youngest brother is glued to my hip. I love that kid and would die for him. My middle brother can kick rocks. 
Fuck your opinion >

did you have to parent him though? i think thats where OPs problem comes in,, the older kid being basically a nanny so mom and dad can check out on their responsibilities >

100% >

Selfish?  How is it selfish?  A selfish person would rather gleefully accept that their 18 years is almost over, so they can drop kick their asses out and have an empty nest.  not start back at square one >

I have a friend who, throughout her college years, was changing her siblings' diapers.
Not surprisingly, she's never had the desire to have children of her own. >

Not unpopular. I’m 12 years older than my sister (28M-16F) and it blows my mind when my parents question why we aren’t closer. I have nothing against my sister, we were dealt very different hands due to my parents having me at 20 and her at 32. I was graduating high school when she started school.  I finished college, started my career, got married, and bought a house before she reached high school. Now I’m a parent and she just got her license, there’s almost a similar age gap between my son and her. 
We’re in two VERY different stages of life, I had no idea how to be friends with 16 year old girls when I was 16 and still have no idea. Our home life was drastically different as well. My dad didn’t start making money until I was 16-17 years old so we grew up very different. I never got gifts, went on 2 vacations my entire childhood, and had to work and pay my way through high school and college. My sister goes on 3-4 vacations a year, got a 2018 Audi as a 16th birthday present, doesn’t have to work anymore since my dad felt bad that she wasn’t hanging out with friends as much. We just don’t have much in common yet I’m constantly made to feel bad that we don’t hang out. If we were closer in age it would have been so much different as she has some great qualities (very extroverted) that would have helped me out as a kid as I was extremely introverted. >

or they are just pregnant >

Kids happen. Get over it. >

Yeah. I agree. 
I got pregnant again unexpectedly when my first born was 16. I didn't plan it, it really just happened. I wasn't being selfish, I just went with it as I try to do when other things happen in life.
Edit: I misquoted myself so much so that I confused everyone. 😄
My bad. >


Got pregnant for the first time...when my first born was 16

How does this work? >


Got pregnant for the first time OUT OF NOWHERE

You were missing some of the quote >

You're right. I definitely messed that up. I reread that with a hearty laugh. >

Like literally me (m29) and my situation… at first. I was 15 when my little brother was born. My sister was 17, the sister before her was 22, and sister before her was batting 30. He’s 13 now and I’m 29, and little dude is the coolest little brother I could ever ask for. Bit annoying and want to constantly hang but I really really love him and couldn’t imagine just not having him. It would definitely be easier financially, after my dad died it was really hard being the one to bring him to school and encourage him to study, my mom has issues when she needs to do things and has to bring him because reasons. But he was a strong kid when my dad died and cheered a lot of us up. Really proud to have him as a brother.
He isn’t that close to my eldest two sisters because they already moved out when he was born so it’s more like a niece nephew situation for them I’m sure. 
I will admit, it is selfish and very out of the way for my mom to be a mother at 60+. But he’s here and we wouldn’t trade him for the world. Sometimes it happens and you just stick with it. You could hate your sibling for just being born but they can be a really big part of your life. Also great at seeing which chicks you bring home are actually cool because of how they treat your younger siblings. Off topic but I dated a girl who would just ignore him when he was around, and if I went to hang with him she’d wanna leave cus I wasn’t paying attention to her, red flag, ended things after that, cus I knew she’d be a shit partner. >

I would be inclined to agree if that selfishness translates to making the eldest help raise the youngest. If they are really starting over then okay, but if they're "starting over" i.e. let's have another one but make our elder kids do the parenting too, then you might be onto something. >

Hey it's called unpopular opinions for a reason so I can't be mad >

There is a  20 year difference between my 29 yearold brother and 8 yearold sister. She wont even call him her brother because of how unfamiliar he is to her >

Yeah no. I was 12 when my little brother was born. He is now 18 and he is the best thing to ever happen in my life. Did I occasionally babysit, sure. Have I been a role model his whole life, yes. But I have a sidekick for life, who will be alive long after the rest of our family is gone. It would have been selfish for him not to exist simply because I came along much earlier. >

Yes, and it's not any of your business what those two adults wish to do. >

Well, when you're about to become the built-in babysitter to a new sibling, it's definitely your business. >

Maybe the problem is considering older children built in babysitters, not waiting until your child can take care of themselves to have another 🤔🤔🤔 >

Beyond unreasonable. I know it's unpopular, but this is too silly to upvote. >

Unreasonable is absolutely the word.
My brother was 19 when I was born and I’m sure yes he babysat me a few times but I don’t think he cared, but if he did the conversation with my parents would go like “I wish you had not asked me to babysit” and not “I wish you had not had the child you fell pregnant with”.
Hilariously silly post and for that reason I can’t NOT upvote >

I think the opposite if parents don’t treat the teenager as a free babysitter.
I think it is kind of nice if a parent has one child and is able to dedicate all attention one child during their formative years. Plus, making sure they can afford second child. 
With that said, shit parents are shit parents regardless how many or when they decide to have their children.  
Personally, I want more children, and I honestly wanted my kids more close in age. However, between the time I got pregnant with my child. Life (or more accurately shit) happened. It would be selfish to have children that I could not afford or dedicate my time, finances or mental capacity, too. If I can afford it and find in my heart to have another child next year or ten years for now, how is that selfish? 
With that said, I suppose I shall give my upvote. >

There's plenty of parents who do this so they can get a free babysitter. Many parents kinda suck >

That is the issue here, bad parenting, not age difference. The OP has an opinion based on something that you only believe is partly true and others even less so.  It only shows that the OP's opinion is flawed by its own circumstance. >

Ahh... Mother of a toddler here. I don't care if you think it's selfish or not because kids are fuckin hard. I would absolutely wait until my son is old enough to be doing his own thing before I have another kid. I dont want to have to split my already strained attention span on another child because then both of them would suffer.
If I've done my job well enough he will be safe and smart while he explores life as a teen >

Each family is different I guess but I see your point. My mother had a child when I was 21, I had my own child at 23. So I technically have a sister who is two years older than my son. However I'm not close to my mother so I'm not close to that sibling. I often forget about her, as mean as that sounds, because my mother is toxic and I've had to cut off contact with her for my own well being. I grew up with two half sisters from my dad who I had during my childhood so I have a relationship with them as my sisters. So I see your point op in some aspects, it's hard to form a sibling relationship with a sibling you didn't grow up with and who you're 21yrs older than,  yall have nothing in common. >

Luckily for me there will be no kids in my life >

As someone whose only older brother is 10.5 years older than them. And with an uncle whose 15 years younger than his oldest sister (my oldest aunt). We typically aren't planned buddy, we kinda just happen. >

It's also at the worst possible time, the teen child needs to focus on school and relationships, not be a third parent. >

My half brother is 13 years older than me, and we are the closest in my family. My best friend’s little sisters were born when she was 14, and she loves them. 
If your parents fucked up and expect you to be third parent, that is the messed up thing, not having your siblings themselves. Sorry but this is a piss take you’ve posted. >

My twin sisters were born when I was 16 and I had my first kid when I was 21. They pretty much grew up together and I love the bond they have with my kids. Idk doesn't bother me? Not sure if it affects anyone else negatively? >

My sister was born when I was 14 and then I become a teenage mom without having sex. Even today I think my parents were so selfish for gave me so much responsibility at young age >

This is really a popular opinion on reddit that parents shouldn’t parentify older kids. I mean I know someone who had a vasectomy and still got their wife pregnant. With Roe V wade situation, it might be illegal for them to get rid of the child. Also if the option is to put the kid in foster care or up for adoption when some parents have the means to care for them is just adding more kids to a shitty system. >

That's not what the title says though >

Imagine gatekeeping parenthood🤷🏿‍♂️ >

The problem here is selfish single children who want to remain selfish single children. 
 Stop being so selfish. It makes everyone want to avoid you. 
No wonder your parents wanted a do over a child. The first one came out spoiled. >

Children who try to tell their parents how to live their lives are spoiled assholes. 
I don’t even have kids but I know if I did and one told me and my wife how to make a life decision I’d laugh in their face and tell them to go pound salt. 
A late teenager should be planning on trying to leave home eventually anyways. I get that rents are fucked up and college loans bankrupt people, but the opposite is living at home with your parents and living under their rules. 
Nobody is going to tell me or my wife what goes in our house, least of all person we’ve committed our own lives to raising. 
Young people don’t understand the sacrifices most people make to have children. If they’re willing to make that same commitment even later in life, then more power to them. 
In my mind it’s none of that kids business what most adults do. And while I think a parent should love and always try to help their kids, at a certain age what that kid does is none of theirs, unless of course they’re living in their parents house; then I think it’s at least some of their business. >

Well if parents don't treat their teens as live in free babysitters there wouldn't be a problem. They didn't choose to be here and they shouldn't have to pay for your actions. You are extremely selfish. >

As long as the parents like and ware of their child where is the probleme ? >

I've seen this happen in India because the first child was a girl and the parents kept trying for a son despite multiple miscarriages, so they had a boy when the girl was a teenager. >

I can relate to the OP but in a different way. 
My husbands father decided to have a second family in his 50s. His new wife is my age (31). My husband and my FIL has zero relationship because the FIL is taking care of his young kids and doesn’t have time to spend with us or our young family (we also have two small children). The FIL has no time to spend with any of his grandchildren because he is raising his two small children. 
On the other hand, my MIL comes to every one of the grandkids games, helps with school projects, and is generally always around to do rando stuff like bake cookies on a Tuesday night. She is able to fill her role as grandmother in every sense because she didn’t start over. >

Sounds like more going on here. Doesn't make sense for him to be "too busy with his own kids" to see yours as well, especially if they're the same age. Most people meet other families with similar aged kids to have them socialize and play together. Playdates, programs etc. There's no reason he couldn't do that as well if you wanted to (unless they lived far away etc). >

Did you miss the part of husband and FIL having no relationship? Probably in part by his father marrying a woman the same age as his own wife (and all of the events that lead to that point) and then starting a second family? They aren’t playgroup friends, this is a messed up family dynamic ffs. >

Yeah, you’re pretty much right. But they do live far away and the FIL always asks “why don’t y’all come see us?” But honestly, my husband has taken the stand the last few years that the FIL should make the effort to come see us and not the other way around. We are career professionals and only get 2 weeks off a year while the FIL is retired with two young girls in school (it’s difficult for families to travel). My husband thinks he was selfish to start a new family when he should have focused and been there for his first two kids.
Anyway, it was SUPER awkward when we were all able to get together last family reunion* and the great grandma was like “look at the cousins playing together!” And my husband was like “Grandma, those are their aunts and my sisters”. Great Grandma was very confused. Anyway, the new wife and I got along great since we are the same age with kids the same age hahah >

I hear ya.. I share the same "if you want to be in our lives you have to make the effort" mentality regarding grandparents.. but it definitely sounded like husband has a chip on his shoulder regarding FIL having more kids. Of course there could be way more to it, I get that, but maybe I'm weird or something, I just don't see that as a good standalone reason to not have a relationship. The fact that you got along well with MIL I thought was a positive. Travelling with young kids is a huge pain though for sure, not to mention the cost. >

I was just refused a post that was about another topic but briefly mentioned having kids and automod deleted it for eugenics. Not fair >

Most, if not all parents nowadays have kids for selfish reasons, so this is nothing new really. >

Why do you say that? How was it different before? >

The world wasn’t nearly as overpopulated before lol >

Ah, that's what you mean. Well, if everyone stops making kids then humanity will disappear quite soon :) >

And if you actually care about literally anything else other than humans, you'd welcome that lol >

What does it matter?
The universe is nihilistic. The Earth will eventually be incinerated by the sun. What difference does it make? Was it morally wrong when an asteroid killed the dinosaurs? >

💯 they should also do away with foster care and adoption for people that have teens. >

I have siblings much older and much younger and am bonded with all. there's no resentment or parentification because our parents did not thrust those roles on us (or ever try to control our relationships at all). The age gap between oldest and youngest is like 16 years and they are actually some of the closest siblings of all. 
I think your beef is with crappy parents not unconventional age gaps. >

First one I have seen that has uncovered the real issue. Wish I had an award to give. >

The fuck? I have 14 and 16 years of difference between me and brother/sister. They never took care of me and we're still close. >

You have only considered a scenario where a parent would expect their child to raise their other one for them. And this in turn will make the older one feel more like a distant relative (unless you are assuming everyone's extended family lives close by). Anyway, you seem to have really specified the conditions of your opinion. I suppose under the circumstances that you have specifically laid out, it could be a good opinion. I hope you didn't have to suffer through all that. The story seems to have less to do with the matter of having a newborn and a 13 year old, more so what the individual in the story you are telling must have endured at the hands of reckless parents. Nothing you said shows any evidence other than bad parenting in general and I hope you have not placed the blame of all that came afterward on the premise that your love for your uncle or aunt must have been as strong as your own parents or at least your little or big bro.  Anyway, I digress. I have children 13 years apart and in between and they are all as brothers. I never expected any of them to raise my kids. As for a father transitioning into something else in life other than to enjoy the company of the children that love him and to share many adventures  across this great wilderness with would be silly at best. I would have to be offered something greater than the moon. >

How is that selfish tho? Who’s the person that came up with the perfect time to have #2? As long as both kids get attention, the parents don’t parentify child #1, and the parents can afford the added expense them who gives a damn. >

I’m so confused by so much of this. You’ve got a lot of wacky assumptions going on here. >

Can i ask why? >

Parents should only have a second child when they feel they really want to and are ready, and they have the emotional capacity to raise another child. If that doesn't happen for 15 years (or ever) then it's better for everybody for them to wait.
What people should never do (but unfortunately, often do) is have subsequent children when they're not ready because of societal pressures.
Also, having a second child should never be seen as "giving my first born a sibling" instead of "bringing a new unique life into this world". Parents need to have the energy and emotional capacity to successfully provide for and raise each child they bring into the world. Given that parenthood is lifelong, and is especially taxing for about 20 years, it's not something you should be doing if you're not sure, or if you don't think you have it in you. 
All parents go through periods of exhaustion and frustrations, that's normal.. but some parents are running on empty, and have spent all their energy within the first few years. You don't want to get to that point - that's often when you see people give up, and often leads to negligence and/or abuse that can go both ways. In the worst case scenario, some of these parents take it out on their children, and in other scenarios they take it out on themselves (not caring for themselves, getting into deep depressions, feeling trapped, eating away their mental health). All of these scenarios have negative impacts on the child.
First and foremost, all parents should make decisions they know will be best for them. If they know they only have so much in the tank, don't feel pressured to sign up for more than that.
We have an only daughter. We're firmly in the one and done camp no matter how much flack we get for it. I have enough in the tank for another child, but my wife does not, and it is a two person job. She has enough in her now to keep on course along with me for the long haul with our daughter, to give her the best life we can give, but adding another child and starting over again would tip us over that balance threshold. No amount of societal pressure would make me consciously decide to do that and start that domino effect. Yet, if 10 years from now that dynamic changed and we found ourselves in a new stage of life where we were full of energy and excitement for it, I could see us starting that journey again. >

"I also feel it is a good time for the parents to transition into the next stage of their lives rather than starting over alongside possibly their first child and their partner"
I feel like you have no clue what is right for other couples to run their lives. >

I gave you an upvote because your take is thankfully very unpopular. Its also wrong you need to mind your own business. >

Eh there's pros and cons. Both the children get their parents' undivided attention when they need it the most if there's a huge age gap (unless there's multiple older ones). 
You're right that there will never be a true sibling relationship but being born close together doesn't necessarily mean you'll be close as adults either. Just that the probabilities are different. And yeah the older one will have to babysit, I've got nothing for that one. 
I've got a 20 year age gap with my youngest brother. I wasn't keen on it and I'll never have the relationship I have with him that I have with my brother that's 3 years younger. But eh fuck it ¯\(ツ)/¯ idc much about it >


inevitably, they would be expected to do some of the parenting

Why would you assume that? The parents took care of a kid by themselves for 16+ years (is 16 what you consider late teen?) but suddenly need/want a 16+ year old to care for their other child? That’s ridiculous >

At least you recognize that yours is an unpopular opinion. Hope you come to understand why. >

I think the maximum age difference is like... 12 years, for a solid sibling relationship.