Also the point of the Paul Rudd skit mentioned is being severely misunderstood.
Small, Medium, and Large aren't just labels, they are descriptive terms.
If you have an 8 ounce, 10 ounce, and 12 ounce size those ARE small, medium and large by definition regardless of what you want to call them.
Someone ordering a small drink means they want the smallest serving you sell.  Nothing in whatever you label the drink sizes can change that.
It's like if you go to a cupcake shop and the menu behind the counter just shows a blue cupcakes and red cupcakes and you order a red cupcake and they go "I'm sorry we only have magenta and aquamarine."  Motherfucker you know what they meant.