>

Do you understand that to us, our kids are very handsome or beautiful? I mean, I suppose a disfigurement would be obvious to us, but our kids have our features and the features of the people we love. Of course we're going to see them as good-looking. I guess what I'm saying is, the parents of ugly kids don't always know their kids are ugly.
Never base childs confidence on his/hers looks which they did nothing to earn them, that's not a strong base, base on character. On the other hand, no matter how your child looks, he/she should be comfortable in their looks, certainly don't feel ugly, even if they don't meet "the criteria" which is subjective. >

Pssst... you're going to get old and wrinkly one day. 
Life doesn't care what you want. With your current outlook, you'd better hope that you stay lucky enough to avoid accidents/tragedies that impact your face. Car accidents, tumors, building collapses, a new autoimmune problem, a stray transport tire, a fire, a falling object, etc can all happen to you unexpectedly. You won't magically be safe from them just because you dislike ugly people.
I hope they don't happen to you, but you'd currently be screwed if it does happen, based on your response. Would you lose all of your self-worth, or would you try to find other things to be proud of? Your attitude implies the former, which is not good. I hope that you have other things that you are proud of. If you don't, you should try to find some, even if it's a hobby. No one is good at everything, but everyone is good at something.
ETA: A bad personality/attitude can easily make a "10" into a "2". Life's way too short to deal with people who prefer judging over self-improvement. You can't guarantee that you'll see tomorrow. >

If you are the parent of a 500 lb minor, you deserve to be in prison for child endangerment (unless there’s some medical reason for the extreme obesity). >

There is only one extremely rare disease that makes hunger continuous that would count as an excuse. Other than that, no other disease makes you eat in a caloric surplus. >

Antipsychotic medications can make people insatiable.  Some kids need them.  
But yeah, Prader-Willi syndrome is as real as it is rare. >

That's what parents are for. No kid will starve to death and die from an increased appetite that's regulated by the parents. But they will die from obesity. >

I believe that parents should not emphasize/place a lot of importance on/ mention frequently their child's physical appearance in any context, whether the child is above average, average, or below average in looks.  So I agree that parents should not tell an unattractive child that he or she is physically beautiful, but they should also not tell an attractive child he or she is beautiful, either. >

I'd extend this to say you shouldn't overvalue any trait that is outside of the kids control. 
My generation is full of former "smart" kids who burnt out and failed as soon as they hit a roadblock at least in part because we were constantly told how smart we were when our school work wasn't challenging. As soon as we did get challenged for the first time, suddenly we must not be "smart" anymore, we had no idea how to overcome an obstacle, and the whole foundation fell out beneath us. 
Kids who are rewarded for being hard working, or creative, or good problem solvers, have much better short term and long term outcomes than kids who are just told they're smart. I'd say the same goes for any other inherent trait vs one the kid can actually control >

There’s a difference between teaching your child how much appearance matters (which is necessary), and being harmful by degrading them. Attractiveness is a factor in everything.
The vast majority of people who think they’re ugly are very capable of elevating themselves to at least a 5/10. Yes, some people simply lost the lottery, and some people simply won the lottery when it comes to genetics. But most people were born somewhere in the middle, and their choices have led to their appearance.
So what I’m saying is, the importance of keeping yourself up should be taught, regardless of how naturally attractive you are. Far too many people fall into the trap of thinking they always have been and always will be ugly no matter what. >

Exactly this. I see so many ugly people who you can tell have just given up, they don't even do the basics like combing their hair or wearing clothes that don't look like they got them from a bin. 
It's not hard for someone to take a little bit of time to tidy up their appearance but instead, we have this new 'movement' which is seeking to remove all notions of standards which essentially says, everyone is beautiful no matter what. This leads to people not doing a damn thing with their appearance and thinking they are attractive.
Anyone see footage from the 50s when people used to dress nicely when they were in public? This idea should be the standard expectation of people in public. But now for some reason, shame and dignity have been removed from the equation and we see people in their damn pyjamas at the supermarket. >

The supermarket? You should see how people dress in the office. You'd think half of them just came in from weeding the garden. But most people don't subscribe to the idea that apparances are important any longer. >

Friend visited me after the pandemic started to wind down. She didn't change or shower the entire time. Pijamas the entiretime. It was soooo disgusting. She was lazy and selfish and on her phone the entire time. She never used to be like this. Ive seen a lot of these slides for a lot of people, I think the pandemic fucked things up in lasting ways. It's so dramatic to see evidence of this everywhere, especially with how people dress and their hygiene. >

Obviously off topic to the thread, but I do think you're correct in that Covid has really changed attitudes and behavoirs accross the board. Half of it doesn't even make sense. But we didn't come out on the other side any better off for it, that's for certain. People are messed up. >

This is silly, because confidence is fantastic and ugly confident people succeed all the time. The problem in your scenario is if a child weighs 500 lbs, their parents have already failed them anyway and they aren’t listening to this type of advice. >

If a child weighs 500 lbs, they are not ugly, they are just fat af and they need to lose weight immediately. >

Don’t be fat and ugly, just be ugly! >

It’s called pick your struggle. Like don’t be broke and ugly >

Parents think their kids are the closest thing to perfection. Guess it’s a biological mechanism, to ensure unconditional love.
A friend of mine wanted to sign up her daughter at a modeling agency when she was 3 because she thought she was so beautiful. No one else I knew seemed to agree, we just nodded and remained silent. >

Old enough to remember “it’s the inside is what counts,” a way healthier and honest message than “everyone is beautiful.” >

It’s so frustrating seeing how a movement that was meant to be about how “everybody/every body is worthy of basic respect and dignity even if you don’t find them attractive” became “everybody/every body is beautiful” because why address the problem at hand that beauty is equated to self worth when you can launch thousands of ad campaigns to capitalize on people’s insecurities. >

Dude creates an alt just to make this post >

This is such an uninformed opinion. Nobody thinks they look good because their mom said so. If anything, most people have extremely low self-esteem and constantly blow up their flaws. >

I have read that actually, most people rate themselves as more attractive than they are. >

Attractiveness is 100% subjective. They are exactly as attractive as they feel they are. Maybe not to everyone, but your opinion of their looks does not discredit their assessment. >

Do you really believe it’s 100% subjective? It definitely is quite subjective, but there’s a reason there’s a general consensus that some actors are really attractive and that traits like obesity are unattractive. Because they have some amount of objective attractiveness >

I would attribute that more to group think than anything else. Theres a general consensus, but you generally only get the opinions of people who care. How many people make up this general consensus...1000? 1 million? 300 million? Its subjective in that its how the person looking perceived it. If you find it attractive, it is. If I find the exact same thing unattractive, the same is also true. 
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Things like beauty exist only as YOU perceive them >

Do you not believe the fact that we are a biological system with motivations given to us by this system? It's easy to abstract things out and imagine yourself as always at the helm of your motivations and decisions but we already know this isn't true. We don't prefer wide hips because of group think nor are we the only species with permanent breasts outside periods of lactation in all mammals on Earth because of group think and those are just 2 examples. >

If you look at history, you see how beauty standards changed A LOT during the different periods and in the different cultures. This is a big proof that it has a lot to do with "group think" >

Actually historical beauty standards don't say much about the real beauty standards people had before, because most of history is from point of view of a quite distinct slice of society. We may never know for real what average European found attractive in 1300s. >

Got turned down by a fat girl huh? >

💀 >

I don’t want to meet the parent that does not think their children are absolutely beautiful. My kids may not be lookers in other peoples eyes, but they are absolutely beautiful to me - hands down the best looking kids on the planet and I would not change a thing. >

I feel this.
I don't feel like either her dad or I are objectively mainstream attractive. 
But daaammmnnnn, my baby got the best of both of us. >

I'm worried about this with my daughters. They will be gorgeous women, and I'm slightly concerned that people's first reaction is that I'm their step father🤣 because there's no way they got their looks from me, lol >

I don’t think society should place inherent worth of someone based on looks so yeah, cool. But I would say the same to my child no matter how they look. >

In an ideal world, yes. This is and will never be that - Everyone values individuals how most people do 1. Looks  2. Supreme Talent  3. Intelligence/Resources (Wealth or Power) >

Oh I'm ugly and my mom definitely made me know it haha >

Damn >

I bet OP is one of the ugliest people they've seen. >

At least they’re likely self aware lmao >

The fact that someone feels good with themselves and confortable in their own skin doesn't mean they aren't concious of their flaws. You can control your Instagram feed btw you just have to follow those profiles that show people with the physical features you like, parents can and should tell their kids they're precious no matter how they are because there's a lot of bitter people like you who will tell them the "cruel truths" they don't need that kind of energy at their own homes. >

It’s not even that, the only reason to say those things, is to be mean, it’s to hurt someone. The person hurting usually needs a reason, and that reason is usually massive insecurities. We hurt with what we know will hurt ourselves. Raising your child to realize they have value is important, and to not take seriously the judgement of others when their own feelings and beliefs are important and valid too. >

I actually think that this post reeks of insecurity, and yes is allways insecure people who gives too much value to looks over everything, and that insecurities usually start at home when parents give too much criticism, althoug they should teach their kids they have value in other aspects too, but to teach them they're ugly it will make them more insecure not less. >

I'm sorry my confidence and ability to love myself is offensive to you. >

So who is going to tell the stupid ones the sad truth? 🤔 >

🤫 one thing at a time >

Beauty is subjective. Just because you think someone is ugly doesn't make them ugly to everyone. >

I have evolutionary biology and evolutionary psychology on the line. They want a word with you. >

I promise you that someone you think is 100% beautiful and perfect will be the ugliest fuck I’ve ever seen in my life >

We find the same traits attractive because they signal genetic fitness and optimal health, which everyone values. >

So how should ugly people carry themselves? They deserve a fair shot at love and success just like anybody else. >

Of course, but let’s not beat around the bush and tell them they’re good looking when they have a face like a dropped pie. >

Oh boy… So if they’re not that bright, should we tell them they’re stupid too? 
I doubt you have children, but if you do, prepare to scar them for life. 
And where is this 500 lb daughter scenario coming from? Do you have a real life example of this? 
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, my dude. >

You get an upvote bc this is definitely unpopular and going to trigger someone lol >

It isn't at all... Some "ugly" people are gaining confidence because they've realized beauty is subjective but just because that mindset has grown doesn't mean the idea that they're ugly isn't still popular. I mean look at everyone in this thread agreeing. Look at majority of the movie/tv stars, porn actors/actresses, celebrities, models and etc, majority of them still fit the "convenient" attractive model.
This opinion isn't unpopular at all. >

Do people actually do this? My parents are the exact opposite lmao. My mum even told me to stop eating lunch to keep fit when I was in secondary school. >

My mum would tell me how handsome I was when I was younger. Yesterday she told me I was ‘podging up in the middle and should do something about it’. >

She says the same to me >

Focus on healthy bodies not “pretty” ones. I’ll never forget how heartbroken my 9year old daughter was when she came home from school where another girl called her ugly. She wasn’t crying, she just wouldn’t speak much. She was quiet for days. 
Kids being made to feel like they are gods beautiful gift seem to turn around and make others feel worthless on purpose. Let’s make beautiful personalities a thing! There are so many ugly ones out there to battle with each day. >

Ugly is subjective. Everyone is as beautiful as they believe, screw societal standards. >

It's not society. It's evolution. It's biology. It's genetics. >

Fun fact: beauty standards change based on culture and even time period.
But now you’ll say that you use the word beauty differently from everyone. >

You need to familiarise yourself with the work of David Buss, Robert Sapolsky, Geoffrey Miller, Satoshi Kanazawa, Steven Pinker, Nancy Etcoff, John Tooby, Leda Cosmides, Edward Dutton, Diana Fleischman, Jonathan Haidt and Gad Saad. The sheer tonnage of data they have arrayed against the stagnant tabula rasa doctrine will keep you busy for years. >

Your first ever post on Reddit and this is what you pick? >

My son is at that age where he stinks, he's kind of chubby, and his teeth are sticking out everywhere. It's still beautiful because it's a natural part of becoming an adult and wondrous how we go from one cell to a whole ass grown human. Kids are often self conscious going through these awkward phases and they need to hear that they're beautiful. They're growing in body, mind, and hopefully character and these are rights of passage. Nobody is supposed to find kids attractive so if you aren't calling them beautiful as a person, what are you complementing them on? >

Hey, OP, you sound pretty ugly on the inside. I think, for your own sake, maybe you should just keep quiet and let the inner beautiful people speak. In the long run, you'll be happier because we'd hate how ugly you'll show us you are.
OP, if you change your mind, you will have improved your inner self to not hideous. >

Being attractive often comes from confidence. Unless you have some huge disfigurement, confidence and the way you carry yourself will factor into how attractive people think you are. >

are people attractive because of their confidence or are attractive people more confident because they are attractive hmm >

There are definitely people I know that are not attractive if you just saw a neutral photo of them, but their confidence and charisma make you feel drawn to them and make them more attractive. 
I’ve also know attractive people that are withdrawn and shy, that you don’t realise how attractive they are because they have such a closed off personality. >

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you like it, great. If not, ignore it. Its actually pretty simple. The idea of cover models and what not is actually pretty subjective, the people who argue about it the most kind of concern me. Does it REALLY affect your day that much if someone considers themselves attractive? Or if a fat girl is on sports illustrated? I've never cared who was on the cover, skinny, fat, black, white, man, woman, it's a magazine, just don't buy it and surf the porn, I mean internet. >

Stop enjoying Insta everyone, it's annoying Stunning McBraveface over here. >


We have people that are just frankly ugly who think they are gods gift to everyone on earth, and it needs to stop

"I don't like that you're happy with the way you look because you don't conform to my standards of beauty. You shouldn't feel confident about the way you look."
Get lost. >

What people need to learn is that it's okay to be ugly. Being good looking is a privilege. Not everyone is beautiful, and not everyone should be beautiful. Some people are just ugly, and it's fine. It's totally fine. No one wants to be ugly and no one wants to believe they are, but you just can't avoid it. It's fine, really. You aren't worth less. You're not less interesting. You're not less human. You just don't look as pleasing as a model for example, and that's perfectly fine. That's what sociey needs to change. >

This is important to drill into kids heads BUT unfortunately ugly people are treated like subhuman. Ugly people aren’t perceived as equal as an attractive person. I’d say that people go out of their way to let ugly people know this. Ugly people should be treated equally, but they’re not. Even if their accomplishments and achievements are far better than an attractive persons. An attractive person always gets parades for nothing. It’s disgusting how people are treated based on looks. >

attractiveness is not purely physical - i'll give you the best anecdote i can - i used to date a 'cam-girl' (chaturbate model) - she's a good person no problems with her- but all of her friends were cam models too so i was spending time around lots of beautiful women. sometimes 3 somes and what not (lucky me right?) well... as i started spending time around these beautiful women... you start to notice... a lot of them have absolutely ZERO personality i mean NONE - they literally just get by because they know that they're hot and they prey on insecure men for money and gifts. if they weren't attractive...or they were men...they'd be homeless.
it really helped my identify that...just because someone is pretty doesn't mean they're someone you want to spend your time with. 
BUT - when talking about someone who's 500 pounds...they could totally be a beautiful person on the inside...but to ignore that being 500 pounds isn't healthy is just as damaging as being called fat and ugly every day. >

This is like those parents on American Idol who's kids really cant sing but they all were delusional and talking like it was some conspiracy to not let their kid get on lol >

This makes no sense, confidence is key, ugliness is subjective and you make an example with weight that is something that could be changed, it seems that you are a bit confused. >

No OP isn't 'confused'. Good word salad though, however he's right. Confidence that comes from beauty is an external factor. >

Your lucky to be ugly.. becuase then you know people love you for who you are.. Pretty people never know who to trust. \~Drax >

Reading through OP and a lot of the comments here, I'm curious as to whom you people think are attractive?  
It's a very subjective topic.
For example:  I'm pretty sure I have a "better" face/body than Richard Branson, Jeff Bezos, and (infinitely better than) Elon Musk.  Yet, ^(SOMETHING) tells me, they could pull more 'tang than I'll ever see in my lifetime, even if I outlived them all. >

I think this is a sad way to think. Beauty is subjective, someone you find ugly does not mean that every single person shares the same opinion. Society puts an emphasis on beauty and looks but that doesn't mean ppl are ugly. And no one is telling their 500 lb daughter she is a model. Everyone should have confidence and people should not care what others think considering someone having confidence in their looks should not impact you or your life. >

Muligatani is nice with lemon >

Thank you! I’m so glad I was smart enough to realize I’m too ugly to be a bitch. Hot chicks get to be bitches but we have so many 4s acting like their 10s. >

I’m literally dying of laughter reading this😂
Please don’t become a parent use protection >

This just reminds me of when I was a young teen and I asked my mum what I was going to do if I didn't find my passion in life. She just looked at me and said "don't worry honey. I made you pretty." >

I thought us ugly people were supposed to have confidence? >

The beauty standard is a social construct which isn’t gonna matter in the long run given that beauty fades. Parents should encourage their children to be confident in their abilities as a person rather than how they look. I think you’re too hyper focused on something that should be seen as a trivial factor. >

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What you think is ugly is attractive to another.  Terrible post. >

How objective is beauty, anyway? It's our fault we're so shallow.  
Also, I think most people have at least the *potential* to be beautiful, though it's certainly easier for some. >

Whenever I ask momma if I'm handsome she says "you have a good heart and that's what counts" >

Looks should be irrelevant in all cases . It’s one of the harmful narratives that peoples value is based on their appearance . >

The type of post I'd expect one of the douchey Paul brothers to make. Ive seen ugly people with good looking people just because they have confidence. It isn't your place to shit on anybody if they're confident then so tf what why's it bother you. And just because you're attractive doesn't make you a great person this logic is so flawed it's baffling how you have so many upvotes. >

Pick it up with your bare hand and put in your own pockets then. >

Well you can tell them whatever you want but the world won’t lie to them >

Why not? >

I think this is as redundant as telling my kids Santa Claus is not real or telling my kids that babies weren't delivered by birds. If they are so easily brainwashed, there is fundamentally wrong with how I raised them. Me trying to brainwash them back, wouldn't change the fact that they are too stupid to resist brainwashing.
With that been said, I never said anyone is beautiful. It is also unnecessary to say they are beautiful. >

If they are beautiful don’t do this either!!! I thought my life was going to be easy street which is a massive joke especially since I’m not even that pretty! >

I get what you are saying, they could get bullied for the way they look. >

Ugly based on what? >

I think “ugly” is too subjective of a term. 
However, it is important for children to grow up with confidence in more than just their looks. 
My grandma always told me “you won’t always be beautiful, you’ll get old and wrinkled if you’re lucky to live that long, but you can always be smart” >

Who inspired this post, OP? >

Your mom. >

My mom is way older than 25. Your story doesn’t add up. Confess the real target of your passive aggressive reddit post. Or else. >

You go first. Explain your insinuation first! >

Beauty is not necessarily physical attractiveness.
True beauty comes from within. >

Over-confidence sounds like something only a person who’s ugly as hell (on the inside) would speak on. Somebody didn’t love you & that’s not okay. I hope you find the help you deserve. >

All I want to say is something a wise person once told me - "never put your children down, even if you are worried about them becoming over confident, because there are millions in the world to put them in their place." >

Actually for men they’re at their physical peak at around 24-26 >

Well well well my time to shine is only a year or three from now >

This goes deeper than the surface level you’re talking about. Modern day has been infected with people padding their self esteem in fake ways and living in false perspective bubbles for comfort. It has become a kind of drug for the masses, and it borders on the concept of “narcissistic supply”. This is actually part of a mental health issue that is plaguing society at large that people don’t think is a mental health issue.
If you are dosing yourself with “good vibes only” and delusional perspectives to force high self esteem… you are not mentally healthy >

I’m going to assume OP isn’t a parent because if they were, they would realise how fucking terrible their opinion is. 
Now my step daughter is by no means ugly and is extremely pretty but if she weren’t, do you honestly think I wouldn’t call her beautiful because she is my child? >

I disagree. Being ugly isn’t really something you can change and confidence is very important for EVERY human. Why are you mad at confident people? It sounds like you’re insecure and are jealous of those people 
Also being fat is not being ugly lol it’s a health risk >

I gave my daughter (now 4) a daily mantra every morning. “I am smart! I am beautiful! And I am important!” That’s what’s all she needs but consistent. She has began on her own to add another one: “And I am funny!” Than we both laugh every time… >

Good parents would always tell their child that he is beautiful, because even if he is ugly, parents will always be able to see the beauty in him as a being. And that's exactly the point... parents are there to protect you and make you understand that you are worth a lot. 
Of course they shouldn't tell their child that he is objectively beautiful, because there is no objectivity in these things, and anyway it wouldn't be a smart move to make him believe that everybody will notice his qualities. But still, they should make him (or her, of course) understand that he does have qualities, and that even when the world won't see those qualities, the people who really care about him will notice something great about him. 
I think that beauty, the real beauty, is related to many qualities, and not just to physical appearance. That's why i think that somehow you are right when you write that parents shouldn't make you think that you are the most beautiful person on earth, because if you grow thinking that, you'll not understand the real value of yourself, and you'll be really disappointed when someone will wake you up, showing you that not everyone likes you just because you have a pretty face. 
On the other hand, i think that a mother should never tell her child something different than "you are beautiful". Because even where you see ugliness, she can see beauty. Good parents go beyond physical appearance with their eyes. That's why they see beauty in their children. And maybe the point is that they should teach those children to look for people who can see that same beauty in them... and especially, they should teach those children to see that same beauty in themselves (and maybe in other people too), going beyond the physical appearance standards. >

Meh, I would rather be ugly but believe I'm extremely beautiful, than be beautiful and believe I'm ugly. Nothing wrong with a bit of confidence; it doesn't hurt anyone, and it's one of the main sources of happiness in life, I think. If you don't like looking at people that you perceive to be ugly, then don't look at them. >

My instagram feed shows me things I normally like watching. It’s customized to me in a way. 
So maybe get off instagram or learn how to filter your content better. It’s definitely easier than to police “ugly” people. >

A favorite saying in our house : "Someone's Mama told them they were special a few too many times" >

Tell me you’re incel… we don’t body shame in 2023x >

Most parents believes their offspring are the most beautiful ever. It’s beer goggles amplified because if they cop to an ugly child it’s also recognition that their combined DNA did some unfortunate things. Most people aren’t willing to be that honest. >

Welp, I can tell who the ugly people are after reading these comments. >

Well it's hard.
Confidence will help your kids succeed. But they also need to be aware of reality to succeed in life.
Luckily we have makeup, Photoshop and selfie filters in 2023. My 400 lbs daughter doesn't need my help lying to herself. >

Based >

Yep yep yep yep I like this message. Tell your kid they can cure cancer or develop other skills. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but you can only be held by so many eyes. I get it parents love their children and to us all of our children are perfect and beautiful but I'll be damned if they actually want the world to agree with their delusion. Teaching children's humility should be on every parent's to do list. >

I get what you’re saying, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. For example, I saw a bird that I thought was gorgeous, and my friend said aloud, “Look at that ugly ass thing.” I agree that we shouldn’t raise children to believe that their physical appearance is the most valuable attribute. Are you kind? Are you brave? Are you smart? Are you resourceful? Sure, society places a weird focus on its idea of physical beauty, and everyone wants to feel like someone thinks they’re beautiful, so it is important to a lot of people to have an outsider say so… but we all die in the end and we all decompose if we’re not turned to ash. I wouldn’t want to leave this world and all anyone could say was that I was beautiful (I’m really not btw). I’d much rather have people tell stories about how I was compassionate to them or a story about how I maybe made them laugh.. or how I was relatively smart, but always eager to learn. >

Lots of 5s walking around claiming to be 10s >

Just don't talk about appearance with your children, no matter who it is about. It sets bad example to the kids. 
As for the OPs opinion, yes, overcomplimenting their kid's looks can have the adverse effects of making them lose all self-esteem if criticized in the real world. This does not only apply to so-called "ugly" kids but also the pretty ones.  Do you ever wonder why the pretty ones go under self-harming plastic surgeries and have insecurities about aging? 20 something years of being coded with an obsession to beauty and perfection do that to people. Did anyone watch Encanto?  The pretty one explains it well. >

I call my son handsome pie, but I also tell him hes smart and funny and sweet(when he wants to be lol) and creative