comment: >
  
  As an Asian with demanding parents, I know how he might have felt. My mum was the demanding one, insisted on high grades, compared my siblings and I to our cousins. I know she meant well but it was depressing, too. My dad, on the other hand, just wanted us to be happy and do well in whatever field we chose. At the end of my first year in university, I failed to make the grade. After a long call where I told them I wouldn't proceed to the next year, my mum was very quiet. But my dad immediately said, it's ok, son. You did your best and we love you. I broke down on the spot. Lesson for me when it comes to my kids in the future...
context: Tanner's family said on social media that they were in town to watch him graduate. After he went missing, however, they learned he had fallen short of the requirements to graduate. Texas A&M confirmed he was not part of the ceremonies. 
  
  This is terribly sad. >
  
  Make sure your kids know your love is unconditional and that they can talk to you about anything.  This didn’t have to mean the end.  Just heart breaking. >
  
  For some parents it is conditional though. Grades, prestige, your career, who you marry or love all of this shit shouldn't matter in a sane world. 
  Alas we've created an actual hellscape that puts status above all else and a lot of parents fall for that precarious trap. It's fucking disgusting. 
  For example after moving back home (burnt out in job during the pandemic, became an alcoholic and struggled to find work in my feild) my father reminds me often how little I matter, and only talks to me when I'm doing well (got a new job)  and not when I truly need it. My childhood showed me people only care about you when you're doing well and thriving and that you should fuck off and die if you aren't. 
  All in all I understand why he did it. It wasn't a good decision in my opinion and it's a horrible tragedy... but I get it. >
  
  Yeah. Nothing made me feel more worthless than when I lost my job selling cars during the recession. It took over a year to get a minimum wage job. That whole time people kept asking "so what do you do for a living?" Which was soul crushing. 
  If I could change anything about society it would be don't ask what people do for a living or ask them how school is going. They are already stressed, ask them about something safe like the NFL and if they are a Steelers fan the good news is you'll never have to talk to them again. >
  
  My go to has been "what have you been enjoying spending time on recently? >
  
  My real go to is "where are you from?" Because it's not broad and can lead to more questions. Most times it leads to "I moved here to," or "born and raised here". Then you can just ask "how is that thing you moved here to do?' or "Oh you're from here, where did you go to school'. 
  I have over a decade of sales experience (including car sales) so most of my interactions were people being scared I was jerk and thinking I was trying to take their money. I'm not like that and this was the fastest way to loosen them up >
  
  I hate that question though honestly. It’s so overused, I get sick of telling people the same thing all the time. >
  
  Yeah, this question doesn’t work if you’re any kind of brown person. It usually goes, “oh you’re from here? But where are you really from?” 🤮 >
  
  Actually if they do say that you'll know not to talk to them. "Oh you're from here, that's cool, me too" as soon as you start leaning in to the "but really" you're an ignorant asshole. After taking ancestry DNA I found out where I'm from and strangely I was one of the first people here. I'm also white, anyone not Native American was from somewhere else, asking but really where are you from? Is just literally so fuckin stupid I can't even justify it. 
  Sorry thats happened. That's how people like trump won. Half the country really is that stupid. >
  
  Seriously. I'm white/blonde and was illegal in California for 12 years. The INS used to come to the Polo club that I worked at and terrorize all the brown people looking for visas or proof of citizenship. I was the only illegal who could sit in front of my tack room and pretend no one was hiding in it while these idiots slowly drove by. "She's white, she's obviously American." >
  
  Aw man, and around Christmas too. Someone else already said it but yeah, this is a majorly sad case. >
  
  Just to give some perspective for A&M students graduating, you find out 10 hours (edit:technically you should know a day ahead) before your graduating ceremony whether you graduate or not. This may be due to borderline grades for passing.
  You invite all your friends and family to celebrate and find out you didn’t pass at the last second. It sucks. 
  *(edit) I should make a correction that you can still walk while not graduating. It’s a horrible feeling to attend while not graduating but it’s less embarrassing in front of your family/friends. Also, “last second,” is an exaggeration. You find out a day ahead but informing your friends or relatives to cancel their travel plans is definitely last second.***
  The late timing on finding out if you are graduating would be due to two things. One, you are borderline about to pass/fail the class and it all depends on a final. Two, your professor is submitting the grades last minute. The submission deadline for grades is a day(ish) before your ceremony so you know (grade wise) whether you are passing or failing the class, but this doesn't mean a professor can't send them in earlier.
  (edit2) Sometimes it may be a system error saying you haven’t graduated when you actually do meet the requirements. You can meet with an advisor to fix this (advisors are usually swamped, too few, and overworked). This error is very rare and probably could be resolved early. >
  
  That is really lame. Especially if people are traveling from out of state. UH still lets you walk for graduation even if you failed a class and need to retake it the next semester. >
  
  You still walk at Texas A&M. You just receive an empty tube and make up the class next semester before they give you the diploma. No one in the audience needs to know any different unless you tell them or they see the little blue dot on the bottom of the tube. >
  
  Uh, all the tubes are empty. They do not give your diploma at graduation anymore. >
  
  Lol, I still haven’t picked mine up and it was 15 years ago. 😏 >
  
  There is a storage fee awaiting you. >
  
  Adhd tax strikes again! 😂 >
  
  “Tanner's family ….were in town to watch him graduate. After he went missing, however, they learned he had fallen short of the requirements to graduate. Texas A&M confirmed” 
  They haven’t stated a cause but it seems to have been suicide even the location would seem to imply that. >
  
  Used to live in Austin, Pennybacker Bridge absolutely implies it :(
  I don't know the circumstances of his family of course, but chances are that while they would have been upset, it wouldn't have been nearly as extreme as he thought it would have... >
  
  Why is that bridge notorious? Never heard of it. >
  
  I'm not from Austin, but from photos, it seems that it's high enough that an impact with the water will knock you out, like, it's 7 storeys, and there are no suicide prevention features. Just seems like a convenient place to do it if you were thinking of it. >
  
  God, at that age especially, so much time to try and try again :( >
  
  Yeah I get what you mean. I failed out of college too this semester. Part of me wishes I would’ve jumped off my science building too. 
  Anything would’ve been better than living with the knowledge that I am indeed a failure, you know?
  Edit: thanks for reporting me to RedditCare, guess there’s a first for everything, no? >
  
  Hi, professor here. You are not a failure. I failed several classes in college and had to take an extra semester to make up for it. I have an MFA and turned out fine. You're going to be fine if you keep going. College is hard. >
  
  Barely passing my first two semesters and then failing out halfway through this one is just so shameful. 
  I just don’t see how I could bounce back from this in any capacity, hence why I thought about the roof of the science building >
  
  I understand the feeling you are having. But you're clearly bright (from the way you write) and dedicated, as you kept going even after barely passing. Something needs to change and the challenge is to find out what. Is it time management? Are you pursuing a degree you're passionate about or one your family wants you to pursue/one you think will bring you money? Is it the professors? Are there resources such as tutoring or writing labs you could be utilizing? Is college even the right choice for you? Electricians make fucking bank. So  do HVAC people.
  Edit: I took a peek at your post history and you are going through a LOT. No wonder you're struggling to keep up with classes. You're feeling alienated from others and even maybe yourself! I'd look into clubs on campus as well. If you feel well supported by friends and folks who are into your interests, that will help you focus. I really wish you peace and success. You seem like a sweet person that's very self aware. That's a good quality and will help you pinpoint the changes that need to be made. 💙 >
  
  I’ll take this to the DMs as to not clog up the comments with my problems. >
  
  Yikes. I can say that my school (another Texas uni) the Dean will let you walk if you were behind on credits but had family coming from out of town. Depending on how far in advance in the semester you tell the Dean, they would usually make exceptions to the rule and let them come back the following semester to finish. Sad that he decided to take his own life as the way out. :( >
  
  The university I attended in Oklahoma offered the same thing >
  
  Yeah from most in the thread, less than 10 credits seems standard to still be allowed to walk. >
  
  This is so tragic. I’m so sorry he felt like there was no way out except this. 
  “I instantly realized that everything in my life that I’d thought was unfixable was totally fixable—except for having just jumped.”
  
  Ken Baldwin, Golden Gate Bridge Jump Survivor >
  
  This is one of the quotes I think about on my own worst days, and it helps. >
  
  Anytime I see somebody struggling on here I use that. Like most people, I’ve been through some incredibly difficult times, but we can move on and overcome them. My grandfather used to say “Sometimes in life you only have two choices. Lay down and quit or find a way to get up tomorrow and know things will get better.” 
  To anybody struggling: I promise you, 100%, without a doubt there are people out there that have been through what you’ve been through and understand you. All you have to do is trust that it will get better and reach out.