comment: >
  
  I’m so not sure of that. My kids are so good and we were pretty fucked up parents for a while. My ex was an addict and it was a mess. We are doing a lot better and so are our kids but I really think they are just good people on their own. I’m so thankful.
context: This is a friendly reminder to read our rules.
  Remember, /r/Showerthoughts is for showerthoughts, not "thoughts had in the shower!"
  (For an explanation of what a "showerthought" is, please read this page.)
  Rule-breaking posts may result in bans. >
  
  Not really. Children go through developmental stages and sometimes those come with behavioral challenges and big emotions that they don’t have the maturity to have a handle on. Also, it’s probably not good to assume that the behavior of neurotypical children and neurodiverse children are going to 1) be the same AND 2) be reflective of the parents. Also, what about foster children and adopted children? The transition to a new home is hard on a kid, so you would blame their behavior on their brand new parents?
  The list of ways this is a bad take goes on, but TL;DR “A person’s assumptions about a child’s behavior reflecting on that child’s parents, despite knowing nothing about them, is a pretty accurate measurement of how judgmental they are.” is probably a better way to rephrase this. >
  
  Children imitate their parents' mannerisms and emotional responses- this is behavior. The degree to which the child carries these personality traits through adolescence and into adulthood of course varies drastically. This shower thought goes too far to say "a pretty accurate measurement" when there are plenty of exceptions, as you point out. But your response seems to lack any acknowledgement of the influence parents have on their children.
  Edit: if anyone reading this infers that children throwing a tantrum means they are copying their parents, that is a huge leap of logic. The fact remains that they are highly impressionable, and their parents are the main source of information on how to behave as a human being before they become socially adjusted to the world. >
  
  That’s because the post specifically says “parent’s personality” and not “parenting style” or something else more accurate. Personality is such a huge umbrella term as to be next to useless here, but one can reasonably assume this post was meant to be shorthand for: if a kid is having a tantrum in public or misbehaving at school, the parents have defective personalities. That’s so hilariously wrong that it didn’t really even seem necessary to carve out a “but behaviors can be learned from parents in some cases, but not in a way that they’re not interacting in myriad ways with a million other environmental factors, genetics, and mental health issues.” >
  
  I never disagreed with you and still don't. You're narrowing this to a conversation about negative behavior and acting out when the post isn't limited to that at all. My first comment stands.
  Edit: Even the most responsible parents will likely experience their child acting out. This isn't inconsistent with the facts I explained. >
  
  🤣🤣🤣
  Tell me you DON’T have kids without telling me you don’t have kids!!!! >
  
  Fr, my parents are great but my brother's going through a really obnoxious phase rn that doesn't reflect them at all. Kids do stuff for no reason sometimes. >
  
  I think that it is false to assume it is for no reason, but parents and children are different for a reason. >
  
  No it’s not. I was a quiet, polite, calm kid by all appearances that rarely acted out. By your conclusion you would think my parents were fine, upstanding people who were doing a great job. In reality, my mom was a tyrant that mentally and emotionally abused me. My dad, while a good guy, battled depression and later became an alcoholic, both of which made him emotionally unavailable. I was an anxious, hypervigilant mess that developed stomach issues from the age of 8 from the stress. I didn’t act out because of fear. 
  Basically, you’re wrong. >
  
  You say that and it reminds me of a girl I knew in church. She was very calm and quiet. But her family was the ultra-religious type, and come to find out their was emotional abuse (at least) at home. 
  Sorry, and I hope you are able to get help now! >
  
  It’s been a couple of decades since I left home, so I’m good. Lots of therapy has helped. >
  
  Nah, kids have undercooked brains and they're new to being alive. They're gonna behave badly sometimes. >
  
  Tell me you don't have kids without telling me you don't have kids.
  Proof this is a bad take: Parents with multiple kids that have all different kinds of behaviors.  Kids that behave differently at different periods in their development.  Kids with mental / learning disabilities.
  This is actually kind of dickish too, because all parents have had their kids be brats at some point.  So you're sort of implying when a kid is misbehaving its due to a defect in the parent, which just isn't true. >
  
  Right?? I came to read the comments of him getting roasted by all the pissed off parents, not disappointed. >
  
  You obviously don’t have kids. I wish your statement was true, but it just isn’t. >
  
  Yeah, that's why siblings  always behave the same. Oh wait, they don't. >
  
  what if the parents have 2 children who behave completly diferently? >
  
  As a general rule of thumb kids end up close to what their parents are, but during development they can be wildly different. It's hard not to judge the parents based on their kids though. 
  ​
  Kids tend to go through different things than their parents had to go through. This is pretty much true for all previous generations too. >
  
  this isn't 100% accurate I know a few kids who have decent parent(s) and they still are spawns of satan >
  
  Yeah your parents are into Hentai also OP?
  That's pretty interesting >
  
  *of their parenting style. And yes, yes it is.
  I don't care how fucked that kid is, the parent(s) could have found ways to correct it, and that is their literal job.
  None of this "phases" or "they're just like that" bullshit, that's just what they tell themselves to sustain the denial of being mentally out classed by a literal child. Teaching is a known/solved skillset, parenting is a known/solved skillset, both can easily be learned and a failure to do so is the at the cost of a human's life potential, step the fuck up. >
  
  I'm gonna go against most of the people responding and say in some scenarios 100% this is true. Even if you want to argue that it's irrelevant, which is a stupid ass argument, the likelihood of your child being a decent human is clearly increased if the parents are decent people. >
  
  Very true. My son was adopted by other people. He is now almost an adult and his personality is pretty well split between me and my ex, even though he wasn't raised with us. I used to believe in nurture over nature, but not anymore. >
  
  And most parents don’t realize it or are willing to admit it.  I’ve found a number of areas where I could work on my behavior by watching my kids do something and realizing I do the exact same thing. >
  
  This is probably the least accurate shower thoughts I’ve ever seen. >
  
  I’m so not sure of that. My kids are so good and we were pretty fucked up parents for a while. My ex was an addict and it was a mess. We are doing a lot better and so are our kids but I really think they are just good people on their own. I’m so thankful. >
  
  My sister had two kids, the first one was super sweet and well behaved the second was a wild maniac that was impossible to control >
  
  Swing and a miss.
  While they absolutely will pick up some traits, children are very much their own person.
  My mom always received compliments on how well behaved my sister and I were, however, we hit ages where we acted like absolute douche canoes (even pre puberty).
  I'd say the behavior is absolutely affected as much, or more than, by the friends the child hangs out with. >
  
  Certainly all I hear “my parents wouldn’t let me act like that.” >
  
  This is a friendly reminder to read our rules.
  Remember, /r/Showerthoughts is for showerthoughts, not "thoughts had in the shower!"
  (For an explanation of what a "showerthought" is, please read this page.)
  Rule-breaking posts may result in bans. >
  
  Not really. Children go through developmental stages and sometimes those come with behavioral challenges and big emotions that they don’t have the maturity to have a handle on. Also, it’s probably not good to assume that the behavior of neurotypical children and neurodiverse children are going to 1) be the same AND 2) be reflective of the parents. Also, what about foster children and adopted children? The transition to a new home is hard on a kid, so you would blame their behavior on their brand new parents?
  The list of ways this is a bad take goes on, but TL;DR “A person’s assumptions about a child’s behavior reflecting on that child’s parents, despite knowing nothing about them, is a pretty accurate measurement of how judgmental they are.” is probably a better way to rephrase this. >
  
  Children imitate their parents' mannerisms and emotional responses- this is behavior. The degree to which the child carries these personality traits through adolescence and into adulthood of course varies drastically. This shower thought goes too far to say "a pretty accurate measurement" when there are plenty of exceptions, as you point out. But your response seems to lack any acknowledgement of the influence parents have on their children.
  Edit: if anyone reading this infers that children throwing a tantrum means they are copying their parents, that is a huge leap of logic. The fact remains that they are highly impressionable, and their parents are the main source of information on how to behave as a human being before they become socially adjusted to the world. >
  
  That’s because the post specifically says “parent’s personality” and not “parenting style” or something else more accurate. Personality is such a huge umbrella term as to be next to useless here, but one can reasonably assume this post was meant to be shorthand for: if a kid is having a tantrum in public or misbehaving at school, the parents have defective personalities. That’s so hilariously wrong that it didn’t really even seem necessary to carve out a “but behaviors can be learned from parents in some cases, but not in a way that they’re not interacting in myriad ways with a million other environmental factors, genetics, and mental health issues.” >
  
  I never disagreed with you and still don't. You're narrowing this to a conversation about negative behavior and acting out when the post isn't limited to that at all. My first comment stands.
  Edit: Even the most responsible parents will likely experience their child acting out. This isn't inconsistent with the facts I explained. >
  
  🤣🤣🤣
  Tell me you DON’T have kids without telling me you don’t have kids!!!! >
  
  Fr, my parents are great but my brother's going through a really obnoxious phase rn that doesn't reflect them at all. Kids do stuff for no reason sometimes. >
  
  I think that it is false to assume it is for no reason, but parents and children are different for a reason. >
  
  No it’s not. I was a quiet, polite, calm kid by all appearances that rarely acted out. By your conclusion you would think my parents were fine, upstanding people who were doing a great job. In reality, my mom was a tyrant that mentally and emotionally abused me. My dad, while a good guy, battled depression and later became an alcoholic, both of which made him emotionally unavailable. I was an anxious, hypervigilant mess that developed stomach issues from the age of 8 from the stress. I didn’t act out because of fear. 
  Basically, you’re wrong. >
  
  You say that and it reminds me of a girl I knew in church. She was very calm and quiet. But her family was the ultra-religious type, and come to find out their was emotional abuse (at least) at home. 
  Sorry, and I hope you are able to get help now! >
  
  It’s been a couple of decades since I left home, so I’m good. Lots of therapy has helped. >
  
  Nah, kids have undercooked brains and they're new to being alive. They're gonna behave badly sometimes. >
  
  Tell me you don't have kids without telling me you don't have kids.
  Proof this is a bad take: Parents with multiple kids that have all different kinds of behaviors.  Kids that behave differently at different periods in their development.  Kids with mental / learning disabilities.
  This is actually kind of dickish too, because all parents have had their kids be brats at some point.  So you're sort of implying when a kid is misbehaving its due to a defect in the parent, which just isn't true. >
  
  Right?? I came to read the comments of him getting roasted by all the pissed off parents, not disappointed. >
  
  You obviously don’t have kids. I wish your statement was true, but it just isn’t. >
  
  Yeah, that's why siblings  always behave the same. Oh wait, they don't. >
  
  what if the parents have 2 children who behave completly diferently? >
  
  As a general rule of thumb kids end up close to what their parents are, but during development they can be wildly different. It's hard not to judge the parents based on their kids though. 
  ​
  Kids tend to go through different things than their parents had to go through. This is pretty much true for all previous generations too. >
  
  this isn't 100% accurate I know a few kids who have decent parent(s) and they still are spawns of satan >
  
  Yeah your parents are into Hentai also OP?
  That's pretty interesting >
  
  *of their parenting style. And yes, yes it is.
  I don't care how fucked that kid is, the parent(s) could have found ways to correct it, and that is their literal job.
  None of this "phases" or "they're just like that" bullshit, that's just what they tell themselves to sustain the denial of being mentally out classed by a literal child. Teaching is a known/solved skillset, parenting is a known/solved skillset, both can easily be learned and a failure to do so is the at the cost of a human's life potential, step the fuck up. >
  
  And most parents don’t realize it or are willing to admit it.  I’ve found a number of areas where I could work on my behavior by watching my kids do something and realizing I do the exact same thing. >
  
  I'm gonna go against most of the people responding and say in some scenarios 100% this is true. Even if you want to argue that it's irrelevant, which is a stupid ass argument, the likelihood of your child being a decent human is clearly increased if the parents are decent people. >
  
  Very true. My son was adopted by other people. He is now almost an adult and his personality is pretty well split between me and my ex, even though he wasn't raised with us. I used to believe in nurture over nature, but not anymore. >
  
  This is probably the least accurate shower thoughts I’ve ever seen.