comment: >
  
  
  You can guess and you might be correct more often then not, but you can't always know. 
  
  It's hardly a guess though considering it's like 99% of the time. We are needlessly making social interactions more convoluted just because we can't stomach being wrong 1% of the time? That makes no sense. If something catastrophic were to happen that 1% of the time, then yes it would make more sense to change things but most the time it's like "oh actually I'm x. my pronouns are x". Very few trans people get worked up over accidentally being misgendered.
context: /u/jeffersonspacecar (OP) has awarded 1 delta(s) in this post.
  All comments that earned deltas (from OP or other users) are listed here, in /r/DeltaLog.
  Please note that a change of view doesn't necessarily mean a reversal, or that the conversation has ended.
  ^Delta System Explained ^| ^Deltaboards >
  
  If someone has a preference, whether it's a nickname, an allergy, how they like their coffee, or how they want to be referred to that's between me and them. If they tell me that's fine. If I feel it's appropriate to ask that's fine. If I accidentally cross a boundary I didn't know there I hope they understand there was no disrespect and make an effort in the future.
  Do you think what I've described is a trend? Or is it basic decency? >
  
  The pronoun question I'm referring to is like when you meet someone new, like say at a college, and they ask "what are your preferred pronouns". Let's make sure we're talking about the same thing. >
  
  That's not too far off from my scenarios. If someone wants to make sure they are addressing someone they meet correctly why not? Sometimes someone tells me their name and I repeat it back to them to make sure I'm pronouncing it correctly. There's no issue with seeking clarity from someone, the alternative is to simply assume and go based on that. >
  
  Because you're probably 99% sure what their preferred pronouns are. And you'll be right 99% of the time. That 1% can be addressed by them simply saying "actually I'm a she" for example. But those 99% of people are going to be confused and maybe even offended that you don't think their gender is clear enough for you. >
  
  Allergies are also a very rare minority, but that doesn't mean I won't still check in if I'm cooking for strangers. >
  
  Allergies pose an immediate threat, possibly death within minutes. The response from accidentally calling someone "her" when they prefer "he" does not pose the same threat. >
  
  Neither do most social niceties, as I mentioned in my other comment. No one dies if you don't say please and thank you, but people will think it's rude not to even though the words are quite superficial. >
  
  It's not really comparable to "please" or "thank you" either. No one is really going "oh wow, they didn't ask that person their pronouns, how rude." Because even if you accidentally misgender someone, and it's an honest mistake, it's like bumping into a stranger. It's not rude, it's just an accident. >
  
  Is your view about it being seen as rude, or about it being a trend? It's a feature of language and now that there is widespread social awareness people will incorporate it into their routine of meeting someone. Honest mistakes happen all the time but that has nothing to do with whether or not a specific type of social question is a trend. It's not like asking what colour someone's fidgit spinner is, or whatever other thing you'd identify as a trend. It's a part of people's lives. >
  
  
  It's a feature of language and now that there is widespread social awareness people will incorporate it into their routine of meeting someone.
  
  If you truly think it's caught on this much, I assure you that it's only due to your social bubble. >
  
  I mean I don't even think it IS a trend. I have never heard someone ask tht in real life >
  
  Have you BEEN to a university? >
  
  not in recent years >
  
  Someone in a project I'm on was told off for saying "I'm a guy" when asked his pronouns by his team leader. >
  
  they just use guy/guyself pronouns 🤣 >
  
  ***guy uses guy/guyself >
  
  thank you for correcting me 🤞🏼 >
  
  Thank you for listening and learning!! :)) >
  
  You mention agonizing over accidentally misgendering someone, but I don't really know anyone who does that? I'm somewhat nonbinary- I lived as a trans guy for about 7 years, and now I'm pretty open to any pronouns aside from she/her. I know a lot of queer, trans and nonbinary people, and asking "What are your pronouns" isn't really a big deal among any of us. If we meet in person it's a quick, one-off. "I'm Name, my pronouns are they/them, what about you?" and then it isn't really mentioned again. If we're introducing someone to someone, we state the name and pronouns ahead of time. If it's online, they're usually in a bio. It's not a big deal, and it's over in a second.
  You also mention 1 out of 1000, but it's more like, if you're a safe person (and I mean actually a safe person, not a self proclaimed ally), or if you're queer yourself, it'll probably come up way more often depending on where you live. Living in the PNW, it was constant that I met queer, gender nonconforming and transgender people. Living in the Bible Belt, it's still pretty frequent because we cluster together, so to speak. It's an unsafe place to be, so we stick close together. You know X, the gay trans kid, they probably know that lesbian you just met at the grocery store by chance lol. >
  
  I will say I think it makes a lot more sense for a trans person to ask the question. Though you still run the risk of outing someone who would rather just not say. They may not be ready to say. But what you said made me realize maybe there is a place for the question and so this trend may still stick around but be more exclusive to trans people. Δ >
  
  If they’re not ready to be out, they’ll just say the gender the assigned at birth. As someone who is gender fluid, not yet fully out (friends and parents know, coworkers and all other family don’t), and doesn’t pass at all, I do this on a very regular basis.  
  I get this is a sub dedicated to defending your view where you admit from the beginning that you might be wrong, so take what I say in light of that, but people who are not cisgendered aren’t stupid. We recognize all of the issues that you are bringing up. In absence of a magical button that will instantly and perfectly transition genders without anyone remembering your past gender, doing our best to pass, establishing pronouns at introductions, and surrounding ourselves with people who respect that is the best available alternative (in my opinion). If you’re a genuinely respectful person (not some fake woke ally), then imo you don’t have much to worry about asking for pronouns. 
  Thanks for being curious :) happy holidays >
  
  Society has made this molehill into a mountain, trans and nonbinary people make up well under less that 1% of the human population, if you do meet one they most likely will just tell you their pronouns up front, if they don't and you get their pronouns wrong, they tell you, you apologize and then use the right pronouns for then on and continue with the rest of your life. This isn't hard and I wish people would stop acting like it is. >
  
  if it was less than 1% idk whats going on. Ive had like 5/6 friends and various youtubers come out as trans in the last few years. >
  
  First off don’t apply statistics to your personal subjective experience. That’s not how statistics work.  You’d have to apply them too all those people who have seen less than 1% as well.  Then add people like you who maybe have seen more than 1% and the numbers even out. >
  
  thats fair, its an average for a reason >
  
  
  Is that not demoralizing? Wouldn't it be best to just assume based on certain cues like we have been for thousands of years?
  
  It can be for some, but it also can be demoralizing for trans people who are not able to or don't want to fit those cues for whatever reasons. There is no win for everyone in this situation.
  Edit: sent reply unfinished too soon
  The reality is it's an easier hill to climb for passing trans people to understand someone asking them their pronouns the few times they are in a space that does so doesn't need to be demoralizing than it is for non-passing to deal with having to correct people and be misgendered most of the time.Trans people who pass have a privilege not all trans people have. >
  
  It's like, on one hand, you can just assume people's gender and most the time you'll be right and no one is bothered. Or, you ask everyone the pronoun question (which actually bothers a lot of people as we established), just in case a few of them are actually non binary? how does that make sense? >
  
  The opinion shared by nearly everyone is use what seems right and if you are corrected/asked to use something different, do that. 
  It’s no different than nicknames - you can ask a William if they prefer Will or Bill, or you can call them William and correct if they ask. 
  There is no issue here from the non-traditional pronoun side. The issue is entirely from those who refuse to use “incorrect” pronouns out of spite. >
  
  
  The opinion shared by nearly everyone is use what seems right and if you are corrected/asked to use something different, do that.
  
  That's how it should be but many people are hell bent on asking virtually every stranger they meet what their preferred pronoun is. >
  
  It feels like you're inventing extreme situations so you have an excuse to be upset. >
  
  Actually, I know what it’s like. As a trans masc, I spend forever agonising over how well I hid my chest. Being asked my pronouns is so minor. >
  
  If anything, I think it's going to increase. In my current line of work, I occasionally communicate with some colleagues in India. I honestly do not know enough about Indian names to confidently identify somebody's gender by their first name, yet it's still considered polite to lead with Mr./Ms. in formal emails. The pronouns that my employer asks us to include in our signature lines helps smooth that over.
  Personally, I would feel very embarrassed if I caused somebody discomfort or pain because I misgendered them. Getting it out in the open in a conspicuous way avoids embarrassment both for me and the person that I am speaking to, even if it is obvious from visual appearances. >
  
  Oh yeah that’s true. I hadn’t thought of the online world. If you can’t even see em and as you said their names are foreign or ambiguous >
  
  Asking a trans woman for her pronouns isn't the same as misgendering her and it shows you care. Assuming a nonbinary individual's or GNC person's pronouns based on looks, that is invalidating, and shows you expect them to "pass" for you regardless of how much they wanna pass. >
  
  You mention not wanting to hurt a trans person's feelings by implying they don't pass, in case they might think they do. 
  This is a nice intention but honestly, most people who don't pass/look ambiguous are aware of it. We're no less reasonable/approachable than the general population & asking for pronouns is respectful and puts you on equal footing.
  imo it's better than making a guess to try and coddle someone's feelings (as if asking for pronouns would, like, shatter their delusional world or smth).
  If you really wanna avoid popping the question, you can ask for their name... or wait for one of their acquaintances to mention them by pronoun... etc. >
  
  It seems really clear that you're not open to having your opinion changed here but let's recap.
  
  This isn't a thing now. No one is meeting a new person 1 on 1 and having a dialog that goes "I'm Brad. I'm Suzie. Oh, OK, what are your pronouns?" So the specific interaction your asking about isn't a trend at all. 
  We do encourage groups to normalize introducing with pronouns to destigmatize their use but that avoids the "ask" 
  We try to normalize correcting use of the wrong pronoun but again, that allows assumption 
  
  You seem to be fixated on this imagined midgendering possibility as if it's a "gotcha" for the LGBTQ community which misses the entire point of pronouns in the first place - the goal here is not to say "congrats, you passed" but to signal acceptance. >
  
  
  This isn't a thing now. No one is meeting a new person 1 on 1 and having a dialog that goes "I'm Brad. I'm Suzie. Oh, OK, what are your pronouns?"
  
  It is a trend. Just because you haven't personally seen or heard it happen doesn't mean it isn't a thing. And yes it can sometimes happen like that.
  ​
  
  the goal here is not to say "congrats, you passed" but to signal acceptance.
  
  For many trans people, feeling accepted is when people recognize their desired gender without needing to be asked. >
  
  
  It is a trend. Just because you haven't personally seen or heard it happen doesn't mean it isn't a thing. And yes it can sometimes happen like that.
  
  Cool. I'm a parent of a trans kid. I do a fair bit of work with the LGBTQ community in my area and my kid and my family are activists for trans rights. It is possible that this conversation has happened before?  Yes.  Is it at all how LGBTQ people, their allies, or the best practices established by both suggest approaching the topic?  No.
  We encourage allies to take the first step.  "Hi, I'm Brad, I use he/him pronouns," Brad might say when he meets someone.  Susie, who's a trans woman, now knows that Brad is likely to be a safe person to share her trans identity with.  Page, who is a non-binary person, might feel comfortable sharing their pronouns rather than allowing Brad to assume that they use he/him pronouns.  
  As for it being a "trend" -- all I can tell you is that, in my experience with LGBTQ organizations at major universities, it's not. I don't know who's defining "trends" if it's not LGBTQ college kids but I'll certainly welcome anything you can offer to substantiate this "trend" beyond your own asserting that it is so.
  
  For many trans people, feeling accepted is when people recognize their desired gender without needing to be asked.
  
  Great.  But they're not blind or idiots as others have pointed out in this thread. If they don't believe that they pass as their preferred gender, they'll almost certainly tell you what pronouns to use if it's a concern for them. If you encounter a trans person who you identify as trans and they don't offer their pronouns, first, think really long and hard about how sure you are that you know what's in this persons pants and heart.  As you just said, you just met them.  
  Second, offer your own rather than trying to guess or asking them.  They'll share if they feel comfortable doing so. >
  
  
  Wouldn't it be best to just assume based on certain cues like we have been for thousands of years?
  
  I have dealt with a people who do not always successfully pass as the gender they transitioned to, a lot of people who experience dysphoria but identify with no traditional gender, and people who have not yet transitioned and they tend to feel much safer when I don't stand on assumptions about what their preferences are. Getting misgendered can be an emotional experience for some people and I think it's more positive to prompt communication in that regard than to make assumptions. >
  
  If you have to ask, doesn't that low key misgender the person? It's suggesting that they have not made it clear enough. It's like you're saying "you don't pass, what are you?" >
  
  "do you have a preference on X" is not a confrontational question. Maybe the way you would ask it is, but that's on your communication skills, not on the nature of the question itself. >
  
  Do you ask the question to everyone new you meet, trans or otherwise? >
  
  
  Do you ask the question to everyone new you meet, trans or otherwise?
  
  A lot of trans advocates would like this question to become commonplace. There's pins and flair that say, "Ask me what my pronouns are." I went to a tech convention earlier this year and they handed out stickers to put on to show your pronouns. >
  
  I just go by the good ol' "Everyone is they until I'm made aware of otherwise."
  I want to respect others, but I just don't have the damn energy for all this shit we have going on right now. >
  
  I've seen people use this strategy very successfully! There are a few eccentric outliers who might object but I think it's a really good rule of thumb. Honestly, if we could just speak a language that didn't inflect for gender that would be greaaaat >
  
  Piffle. >
  
  I guess I'm a little confused here as to what you think the trend is. Like, do you think people on introductions are directly asking each other what their pronouns are? Because based on what I see actually going on, which is conventions around putting pronouns in bios and when introducing yourself or when going around the room in group settings, the whole point of these practices is to avoid what you're concerned about here. Nobody has to ask, because everyone just says them, so there's no reason why the hypothetical person in your post should be demoralized. Like, I'm a cis man and in the meeting I introduce myself and say he/him. Then the trans person in your example introduces themselves and says she/her or whatever, and there's just no reason why anyone would be demoralized either way. Are you observing a trend somewhere where people are asking, rather than having conventions that eliminate the need for asking?
  It just seems like the whole point is to avoid this discomfort. If the trend was to ask, that would 100% result in obvious uncomfortable biases where people intend to ask consistently, but in practice usually only remember to ask when there's some ambiguity, which leads to the sort of discomfort you're alluding to. But I just don't think that's what the trend is, and the actual trends don't seem to have the problems you're pointing out, and in fact are designed to avoid that problem. >
  
  This should be a delta.
  Asking is not the trend - and it’s a common misconception. 
  Inviting others to share if they’d like is the trend. >
  
  Yup, hi I'm Slaya222, they/them. It's how I introduce myself. Even though I'm nb, I look like a man, but I don't expect people to ask for pronouns (although if they do then I know that they're at least an ally if not queer themselves)
  Now back when I was cis I asked all the time, wanting to be a good ally. But I do think that introductions have kinda become the norm for letting people know pronouns. >
  
  I know folks who identify as “they” but look/sound one gender or the other. But they don’t FEEL it and want to be called “they” and are happy (not invalidated) when you ask, because their view is binary gender is a construct they just don’t fit. I don’t know how you know their p pronouns without listening to their preferences,  but they aren’t following a trend. It’s just authentic to them—they don’t even necessarily get “mad” at strangers misgendering them occasionally but yeah they want people to get it right when they can, ask, and be sensitive to their needs. How is that a trend? Just basic kindness to me…. 
  I’m cis and she/her as well as obviously and biologically female, but I get it—people want to be what they are. You’re assuming a binary world, but I feel like you’ve forgotten that’s not how everything should be or how everyone feels. How exactly could you immediately recognize a “they” who doesn’t go by either binary? >
  
  As a trans person, I have never, ever been demoralised by somebody asking my pronouns. In fact, I feel affirmed by it, and I know that I can be safe and confident as a trans person in that person's company. >
  
  What the fuck happened to “hi what’s your name?” >
  
  i don't think that went anywhere >
  
  On one hand, I agree, it can be a tad demoralising. I'm a trans guy, completely socially transitioned, and have been going stealth for several years (meaning, I tell nobody irl. I present cis). I pass pretty well, look like a young teenage cis boy, and have a naturally deep voice to pair. But obviously there are some people my age (early 20s) that don't like to assume
  A couple years ago, I had someone at uni I newly met ask me my pronouns, possibly because of the young look to my face being kinda feminine? Or perhaps they just ask everybody. Internally, I was slightly dying since I hadn't had anyone ask me my pronouns in years, so for someone to maybe question it was a tad hurtful. But I like to give the benefit of the doubt and think they probably do that with everyone because - the thing is, you don't know nowadays. People have so much freedom to present how they wish and have seemingly different pronouns, and that's amazing! But obviously that then brings its own challenges - and that's why I disagree with you on the other hand
  Another reason I disagree is because I'm now one of those people that have grown to enjoy presenting differently lmaooo. Ever since I started testosterone, my confidence shot up. I look more masculine, my voice is now even deeper, so now I feel like I have the freedom to dress how I want and not just solely in terrible baggy jumpers that hide all my features
  I like feminine clothes. I love skirts and I love dresses. I love putting on makeup and boots and feeling gorgeous. I don't do it all the time, just every so often for a party or something. So now, I am actually one of those people that sometimes presents completely opposite to what my pronouns are. But strangely enough, I don't think I've been misgendered or asked my pronouns while in fem get-up. Perhaps my deeper voice tells them everything, playing into the classical assumptions you mentioned
  So tldr, my point is - you can't just use social cues anymore. They only work for binary genders. But there are so many more genders than just "man" or "woman". With growing acceptance for diversity, people feel they can present however they want - this applies to both binary and non-binary. A woman can shave her head and present masculine, a man can wear dresses and makeup (though society is still working on this one), etc. And don't forget non-binary people - they are especially important because their pronouns might not be simple or obvious! NBs do not have to be androgynous, and so their pronouns might not be as obvious if they're masc or fem leaning. And then, of course, there are neopronouns
  With growing acceptance and education on all of those things, people are slowly coming to realise that presentation ≠ gender, so those social cues? They only go so far
  And that's why asking pronouns will not just be a passing trend. Its incidence may fluctuate, but it will never fully go away again >
  
  Would you have an issue (even if you feel slightly offended) with people never asking you for your pronouns again and simply using "they/them"? At least when you're dressing more feminine? >
  
  Me personally, no. I'll always have a strong preference for "he/him", but would not care in the slightest if someone used "they/them" if they were uncertain
  And, to be honest, I'm luckily at a point where I wouldn't really care if someone called me "she"? In my early trans years, I used to fall to pieces immediately and rather messily if someone called me a girl, but as I've got older I've come to terms with a lot of stuff and gradually grown in confidence. I own that shit now, haha, it can't hurt me anymore (hence why I've now done a complete 180 on going anywhere near a skirt)
  But there are many people out there that don't go through the same process as I have. Even after the same amount of time, many people may still be in the "cry at being misgendered" stage, which is one of the huge reasons - if not the main reason -  why people shouldn't assume anymore. Even just the offhand comment from a stranger over how I "obviously" looked really had me breaking down in emotional agony
  It's a very awkward thing, really. On one hand, some trans people like me loooove the social cues thing, because if we get correctly gendered it means we're passing by stereotypical cues and that's all we want. So I know that "not assuming" is a very tall order when it's so deeply ingrained, even in us, and also seems kind of hypocritical when a lot of us rely on them. It's a double-edged sword. We rely on them to tell us we pass to complete strangers, but it's when we don't pass according to those cues that can be horribly damaging to us. The pits we can fall in
  The same kind of also goes for "they/them" (for some people) - absolutely it is the safe option in most cases if you're unsure, it's always better than making a wrong guess! But there are also some people that don't like it, be it because that doesn't fit with their non-binary identity (I've seen some people that prefer "it" over "they", for example, where "they" is actually hated), or because the trans person does try hard to adhere to the current social cues and make it "obvious" what their pronouns are and so don't like that it might be being second-guessed
  So it's better to at least try not to assume. It might be a little insulting if the trans person has worked hard to pass (like my story above), but trust me - they will inwardly thank a person so much if they take the five seconds to double check pronouns in order to respect them and not cause any accidental emotional harm. A possible brief second insult is so much better than a half hour bawling session if someone assumes and gets it wrong >
  
  This is a bit of a gray area, coming from a non-binary person who has multiple trans friends. (I would like to point out that I do not speak for the trans community as a whole, this is my personal opinion and observation.) 
  Many trans people wish to not define themselves by a definitive label, and often refer to themselves as she/they or they/them. It is a way to step outside of the binary gender spectrum that most of my trans friends say they felt they never belonged to. That being said, asking someone of their pronouns is simply asking a matter of preference. I would rather ask someone what they are comfortable with rather than assuming and getting it wrong, therefore making the person I am talking to more uncomfortable. 
  As for it not being a big deal, in my mind it is. Asking for someone’s pronouns shows a respect to their preference and gives them a chance to identify themselves, rather than going off of an assumption. A trans woman may not necessarily define themselves as a woman, so it is important to ask. >
  
  It’s a tricky one. I’m also trans NB, and obviously I use whatever pronouns someone wants and don’t want anyone to be uncomfortable. 
  But the pronouns question makes me uncomfortable. 
  I’m not ‘out’ to all that many people, really. Sometimes I don’t want to talk about it. But being asked my pronouns just feels like code for, “Are you trans??” I work in the arts, so it’s happened a few times, almost always with people I’m not close to and don’t want to confide in. Once it was even sprung on me on camera with thousands of people watching! If I don’t give pronouns, I look like a jerk. What do I do? Lie? I shouldn’t have to start my interactions by lying. 
  I understand that asking pronouns often feels like the polite choice, but... for me it makes things worse, and I feel very conflicted. >
  
  I completely understand and empathize with your point. As someone who attends a liberal arts school and also works within the arts, it does feel like an unavoidable question. However, most of the time I feel that the pronoun question is asked to make the individual feel more comfortable and respected in the conversation.
  That being said, I agree with you. It does feel uncomfortable to be put on the spot and coerced into answering. By the way, I am so sorry that this has happened to you and in no way should your privacy be disrespected on camera like that, or in any other case. That’s why this is such a morally gray area question. I tend to see it as if you answer with your correct pronouns you are identifying yourself to others and thus preventing any misgendering, which is something I struggle with. I would much rather have the conversation first and proverbially “rip the bandaid off” then have to sit in uncomfortable silence and be called the wrong gender. But you have every right to not reply to this question, as it is your personal identity and your choice to disclose this as you will. This may be too simple of a solution to such a convoluted question and I apologize if I get this wrong. >
  
  I so wish it were as simple as not replying! If it’s the right crowd, that’s exactly what I do. But the problem is all the anti-trans assholes out there who say, “I don’t have pronouns.” Not responding can lump you in with those people, which is so much worse than any other outcome!! >
  
  As a closeted trans woman, this is the crux of it.  I have literally been told I don't belong in spaces because I refused to answer the pronoun question.  People automatically assume I'm a bigot because of the stereotype, and don't realize the pain they are creating, and achieve the exact opposite of creating an inclusive environment, and ostracize the very people they are trying to include.  
  I just feel like there is a massive bias towards "out" people, and the people who really need to be made to feel comfortable are exactly the ones that you can't identify.  
  I hate the pronoun question.:( >
  
  
  Like imagine being a transgender woman, spending hours in front of the mirror getting your look right. doing the vocal practice before going out. doing all that stuff to try and pass  
  
  is his how you view trans women’s daily lives? >
  
  Trans woman here, just chiming in as I am one of the few who would agree with OP.
  That is my daily life (at least it was for the first few years, don't need hours these days). 
  I would like people to assume my gender as female rather than ask. >
  
  I’d offer that it’s not a passing trend as much as we’re adjusting how we go about it. A similar offer would be how we don’t assume adult females are all married because previous societal expectations would assume that. We now have people address usually going “missssssss….???” So that the person then says miss or mrs or miz depending. It’s not such an upfront direct question as what are your preferred pronouns, but inquires similarly. I’ve myself absolutely asked people when it became necessary “he/they???” etc in a similar tone and elongation that allows the person to let me know without asking so specifically, and I know many other people who approach similarly. As gender becomes less and less important, I think we’ll just notice things like that less than we do now where for many it feels like an abrupt grind against their current understanding >
  
  A transgendered woman might just say that her pronouns are she/her. What exactly is the problem? That isn't tantamount to being trans. Forcing someone to disclose they are trans would be problematic, but asking for pronouns is hardly an issue. But asking for pronouns seems like a very unlikely situation.
  A more likely situation is that when referring to someone innocently by the wrong pronoun, gets corrected and then you either take that correction seriously, or you continue to use the wrong one pronouns, which should be considered disrespectful.
  I have been in circles where there was an emphasis of introducing yourself with your pronouns, but it was only as a way to introduce yourself with the pronouns you wish to be referred to. I don't remember seeing anyone advocating that you should ask every person you interact with for their pronouns. >
  
  It's very field and environment dependent. I'm noticing that asking people to introduce themselves with pronouns is less frequent (though in my field, education, it's still quite frequent). But people still tell their pronouns in other ways (like on their Zoom profile, or in their online bio, or in their email signature).
  ​
  So it really depends what you mean. If you literally mean going around asking people their pronouns, then yes, I agree, it will probably phase out to some extent (though it's already been 5 or 6 years since the trend started and it's going strong). But I think people will continue to display and communicate their pronouns. >
  
  I feel the same wah tbh, but I found that its better to just ask for people's names and make the effort to remember that, so it's not a problem anymore. It's less awkward and/or demeaning for both parties if I ask what your name is more than once, but remembering genders and pronouns? I dont know when, but I saw a list that was dozens of super specific stuff. It's just not gonna happen, my brain is uncooperative.
  From how it looks it seems like its very important for some people, so they can share their pronouns if they want, but tip toeing around conversations is a pain in the ass. I'd rather uncomplicate my life and how I interact with others. >
  
  Also (trying to add not 180 your opinion) it affects masculine or masculine looking cis women and femine or feminine looking cis men. Imagine you spend hours getting ready and getting your tomboy look just right. Then someone asks you what you identify as. Imagine you generally don't care but then someone questions your gender because of your hands/voice/shoulders/height. Imagine this happens day after day.
  I'm not saying it's fair that someone is always going to be missgendered if we don't ask for pronouns first. But I am saying it's even less fair to make everyone else that self-conscious. >
  
  I really hope so >
  
  If someone asks you what your pronouns are off the bat, you should see it as a positive thing. Because it means they respect you and want to label you correctly. If someone actually cares enough to ask you/everyone that means they acknowledge the fact that different pronouns exist. Even if you don’t personally use another pronoun, the fact they ask that may in the future be really comforting for someone who does. 
  Imagine you actually did prefer another pronoun (let’s say “they”) and people constantly assumed you went by she and never cared to ask. You can correct them, but when they take the initiative to actually ask you prior it just means they care about making you comfortable. 
  Sure they can go by social cues, and people do most of the time, but isn’t it better to have people ask rather than assume? Even if they assume correctly it’s nice that they actually want to ask you. Assuming wrong or right, it always better to ask rather than to assume. 
  I severely doubt anyone who asks such a question means any harm. >
  
  
  If someone asks you what your pronouns are off the bat, you should see it as a positive thing. Because it means they respect you and want to label you correctly.
  
  Except it forces some trans people into an uncomfortable position (i.e. they may not be ready to come out yet) or as I mentioned, it makes them doubt their efforts to pass.
  No one is potentially offended if you simply use gender neutral language until you are 100% certain what their pronouns are. Someone argued earlier that the pronoun question takes just a couple seconds to ask. Well, using gender neutral language takes no time. There is a clear winner here, that is if you don't want to "assume". >
  
  My best friend is trans so obviously I know what his pronouns are. I have met trans people in public who clearly display their pronouns for ease of knowledge. Here’s the thing, usually if I’m interacting with them, I never have a reason to use their pronouns to begin with so I never have a reason to ask.
  It’s always been in a position where they’re often a worker at a store or something and I’m talking to them, not about them. So no gendered pronouns are being used in that scenario. So I wouldn’t ask anyway.
  My best friend has also explained that he personally hates when people go around asking everyone they meet for pronouns. It someone is not out yet or not in a safe situation to come out and a well-meaning person asks them their pronouns, they’re then required to either out themselves or misgender themselves. Both scenarios suck. So I don’t do it unless I feel like it’s required because I’m going to be speaking to or about this person more often then a small interaction, and if I know it is safe for them to do so. >
  
  I don’t disagree with you. This has occurred to me. At work we take trainings relating to this and are encouraged that ask people their pronouns. 
  That said, I have coworkers who range from very a very brawny, tall football player-large women  who dresses in men’s clothing, a trans woman I knew before she began to transition, effeminate-presenting men who are very happily engaged to women, and the list goes on. 
  You’d mentioned in a reply to another commenter that it might be triggering for a trans person (or even a cis person who presents as androgynous or effeminate/masculine) if they’re asked their pronouns. There is one particular individual at work who I’m about 99% sure identifies as a woman, but I e never asked her pronouns, nor would I, ask I get the sense that she’s tired of things being assumed and would be offended. >
  
  1) The pronoun question isn’t a thing, much less a trend. I have never heard anyone actively asking. When talking to a person it’s best to use “you” because it would be weird to talk to them in third person. If I just met someone, and I’m unsure of their gender, and for some reason I need to refer to them in the third person. Well, I just did in this paragraph with the old-fashioned “them” pronoun.
  2) If you were referring to self-determination of one’s own pronouns and not to some rude person asking about your genitals. Then we are talking biology: sex and gender are way more complex than XX and XY, there are many genes involved in the cell sex decision, that decision happens in the first weeks of development… and by then we have quite a few cells. About 1 in ~1000 fetuses will have slight differences in the circuit firing during the cell sex decision and they may get random traits from each gender rather than all traits from the same. Evolution never cared about gender, just about reproduction, so if half of the gene regulation network gets you functioning ovaries or functioning testicles, the other half is irrelevant. >
  
  Yo! Out nonbinary person here who lives my whole life as a they/them. I’m offering a partial disagreement here. Asking for pronouns isn’t really a passing trend… but the method of asking for pronouns the way you’re describing is on its way out, in my experience. 
  This is happening for much the same reason you describe; looking at someone and saying “what are your pronouns” has a tendency to leave trans folks being singled out, especially if they’re asked this question while their (passing and/or cis) colleagues are not. 
  Instead, there are different methods for sharing pronouns that are becoming more commonplace. At work, for instance, I have my pronouns in my email signature so people who don’t interact with me face to face know my pronouns without having to ask. Not every trans person feels comfortable doing this, of course, so in some spaces, people encourage introductions to include pronouns. Personally I dig this method, because cis people stating their pronouns normalizes anyone doing it, and means that if you give your pronouns there’s less likely to be someone assuming that means your trans.
  I think pronouns being a topic of conversation will continue to be significant, regardless - these days you have a lot more open minded attitudes around what gender even means, which means you get plenty of folks who identify as cis but may not “look” cis in the way you expect. These people might encounter similar pronoun confusion to trans people who are visibly trans. The pronoun conversation really ought to keep happening - but I think with time and cultural shifts, the way people choose to have that conversation is changing.
  TL;DR: just asking “what are your pronouns” is on the way out, but pronoun convos are still good - “my pronouns are x/y” is the more common and accepted practice from my experience. (Idk if this is quite enough disagreement for this sub but I promise I’m trying haha) >
  
  As someone who is in the LGBTQIA community it is a courtesy thing when you meet new friends. Or when you are inviting someone new into your friend group you give them a little heads up on everyone’s pronouns. But I literally had a friend that I only talked on socials with and then when we met in real life I said “so just checking do you use she/her or they/them I don’t wanna get it wrong” and they were really chill and happy I asked and let me know they were fine with either. Most of the time it’s okay to do your best judgement but if you aren’t sure or you know someone may go between pronouns or is figuring theirs out it is never offensive to ask them. Clarifying always feels better to someone, because it shows you took the effort to make sure you got it right for them. >
  
  My counterpoint is that the "trend" already passed.  It was certainly in vogue to ask people in 2017.  In practice, people only ask trans people or folks who are ambiguous/look queer.
  Generally speaking, binary trans people prefer others assume our gender, it's usually pretty clear.
  The only issue is that practice throws nonbinary people under the bus because they always have to specify their pronouns if people don't ask. >
  
  But if people only ask trans or ambiguous people, you can be sure that eventually they will catch on to what's happening. They'll think they don't pass. Only exception is if they are non binary. In that case they will probably appreciate being asked. >
  
  Yes, that's my point.  Some NB people do prefer they not be asked but many prefer that they are because otherwise they have to be misgendered first - unless we make they/them the standard until corrected, but that's unlikely too.
  My larger point is this doesn't seem to be a current trend but one from about 5 years ago. >
  
  This trend will certainly pass because it is largely driven by modern corporate liberal institutions and activists. People do not want this pronouns fluff to bastardize the English language. >
  
  The English language is bastardized as it is. English is one of the most ridiculous languages lol, if you ever want to look into it. It's just odd compared to most languages on earth. >
  
  Yes, that is why this pronoun absurdity is specific to english, which is why the entire pronoun rouse is absurdity. >
  
  I'm not sure you know what you're talking about here enough to be accurate. There are other languages that have gender neutral pronouns, and many trans and nonbinary people who live in non-English speaking countries discuss the issues that come with having such heavily gendered language with no neutral pronouns. But aside from that, gender and sexuality communities in other countries often come with their own linguistics that include referring to one another.
  And more still, in an entirely different culture, queer, trans and nonbinary people will have different ways of living comfortably, so it isn't really comparable. In India, there is a third gender called Hijras. There are more than two genders across a lot of cultures, so being outside of a binary isn't really all that unusual.
  I'm wondering where you get your information on this subject, and if you've done any kind of research or learning about gender, language and pronouns to understand the subject. >
  
  Outside the far left bubble of Reddit who cares? >
  
  It's not even a trend now.  Just woke companies spew some pronoun stuff in company meetings and that's literally it >
  
  And cis people stating their pronouns >
  
  I don’t think it is a trend. It is insanity. People don’t get their own pronouns just like they don’t get their own adjectives and prepositions. >
  
  If someone has to ask I'll be offended. >
  
  
  So, you're making a few difference errors here. One is that the most commonly used pronouns such as he/him/she/her etc have all been used and that gender neutral pronouns are a novelty.
  
  My argument is not that pronouns should not be used. It's about someone asking "so what are your pronouns?" And how that seemed to be very popular but I think will eventually fade into obscurity. >
  
  Why do you think it would be demoralizing? It's not moralizing. Trans people like to be asked that because it means that you're not making assumptions based off of housework looks which is actually trans friendly including to non-binary people. >
  
  You're right in that it is a passing trend, but I just so happen to appreciate asking for people's pronouns. It feels so good to show that I am an ally without making it about myself. >
  
  Except by virtue signaling, you absolutely make it about yourself, especially when 99% of the time you would have assumed correctly, because most people tend to dress and behave in a way that tells you what their pronouns are without them having to spell it out for you. >
  
  It’s about inclusion. It’s about making people feel welcome and whole. I don’t assume people’s pronouns ever if they’re a stranger. I always ask if it gets to that point. >
  
  
  It’s about inclusion. It’s about making people feel welcome and whole.
  
  Nothing says inclusion like making a big deal about someone's identity. >
  
  As someone who asks basically everyone I meet what their pronouns are, the whole point is that we shouldn't be assuming
  If you only ask trans people, then yeah it puts them on the spot and could potentially make them worried that they don't pass. So you ask everyone, even if you personally think they're very much a woman, cuz they might be nb or trans masc
  The entire point of this whole thing is that a woman can look like anyone. To be a woman is to simply identify as a woman. You can tell how someone identifies just by looking at them, cuz gender expression isn't the same as their gender identity
  It's not a passing trend in the corporate world and in my circles it's also not a passing trend, it's just polite to do >
  
  
  The entire point of this whole thing is that a woman can look like anyone
  
  But there's no denying there's a general consensus on what a woman looks like. That's why it's acceptable to accidentally use the wrong pronoun when it's an honest mistake. Trans people understand that there is a sort of look. That's why transgender women tend to act like women. They do their whole look, wear dresses when they want and all that.
  
  gender expression isn't the same as their gender identity
  
  99% of the time it is. >
  
  
  But there's no denying there's a general consensus on what a woman looks like
  
  No there isn't, that's the whole point. There are cis women with flat chests, short hair, tall, facial hair, broad shoulders, deep voices. They are still women. You might look at someone and think they look like a man or a woman, but that doesn't make it their identity. 
  You're also using woman a lot in your example, but what about nb people? How are they supposed to look so people correctly use they/ them pronouns? 
  Also, you shouldn't have to look a certain way to feel valid in your identity. A lot of trans women will have long hair, because it helps them feel more like a woman. But not every trans person feels that way, not everyone has the same idea of what a woman looks like
  Yes, currently in society, there are a lot of things that the general public will say makes someone look like a woman or a man. But you don't have to conform to what society thinks a man looks like
  So, no one can agree on what a woman looks like, so let's not assume who is and isn't a woman. For one thing, cis people can be misgendered when you base what their gender is on their presentation. For another, trans people can be misgendered when you do that as well
  So the solution is to just ask what pronouns people use. Ask everyone, when it's safe to do so, and then you're never gonna use the incorrect pronouns which can be extremely painful and upsetting to people. This 2 second question can prevent causing that pain >
  
  We can speak in general terms based on what has been established from social norms and evolution. You're trying to throw all that out like it doesn't matter and make women/men seems like some arbitrary thing but that's just not true. >
  
  Gender is a social construct. This is getting off topic though
  The fact is, if you ask everyone right when you meet them, it's a two second question that is not really ever asked again. It can be in your bio, in your email signature, or on your name tag. And when multiple people do it, it makes it easier for everyone to do it
  I'm a cis woman. Most people will assume I'm a woman and use she/her pronouns and they'd be right. But when I make a point of giving my pronouns, when I make a point to ask everyone in a discussion group theirs, then I'm not singling out trans people and it makes it easier for them to give their pronouns. It's a quick thing to ask and to give, then you will never use someone's incorrect pronouns 
  I've got a lot of trans people in my life. A lot of them worry about being seen as the unreasonable angry trans person who asks for pronouns or corrects people. I won't be seen that way, so I ask for pronouns. Assuming people are cool with it, I'll correct someone if they misgender my friends
  Also, it can be exhausting for some of my friends to constantly have to correct pronouns or ask for pronouns. They're dealing with being misgendered and that already sucks, now they have to draw attention to themselves to correct someone? It's not exhausting for me and I'll draw any heat my way. 
  Again, this is assuming you're in a place where it's safe to do so. But it costs me absolutely nothing to ask pronouns or give my pronouns >
  
  
  it's a two second question that is not really ever asked again
  
  And in just 2 seconds you caused potentially hours of them trying to figure out what they can do to pass better. It's not just a question for a lot of trans people. You are casting doubt on their identity.
  And not that it's better to accidentally misgender someone, but the odds of that happening are slim, especially if you stick to using gender neutral language when you're unsure. 
  Anyway you just met the person, why do you need to know whether their gender aligns with their sex? You just met them. Gender neutral terms exist for a reason. use them til you get to know them better. >
  
  
  you caused potentially hours of them trying to figure out what they can do to pass better
  
  That's why you ask everyone, even cis people. That's why you don't assume anyone's gender or pronouns. Yeah if you only asked people you thought were trans then it would do this. But you ask everyone
  
  You are casting doubt on their identity
  
  No you're saying that you can't know anyone's identity just by looking at them. Cuz you can't. You can guess and you might be correct more often then not, but you can't always know. So instead of singling those people out, you make it common practice to ask everyone. It's the norm, it's not a sign of how you present cuz you ask everyone no matter how they present
  
  the odds of that happening are slim
  
  Depends what circles you run in. It's not slim in my circles, so I always ask
  
  Anyway you just met the person, why do you need to know whether their gender aligns with their sex
  
  That would require me to know their gender and know their sex. Asking for pronouns does not tell me either of those things. It tells me their pronouns, that's it. You're seeing it as an intrusive question because it's not the norm to you. It is the norm in my circles and by asking everyone it helps make it the norm for others. It's not an intrusive question anymore than asking what someone's name is