comment: >
  
  As a father to a four year old, I am really happy I stumbled across this thread to know that it is not just me being over-the-top with anxiety!
  I let my daughter explore and learn about the world, I just try to remove dangers as much as possible while teaching her about how to be safe. 
  I hope this anxiety gets better with time.
context: This is a friendly reminder to read our rules.
  Remember, /r/Showerthoughts is for showerthoughts, not "thoughts had in the shower!"
  (For an explanation of what a "showerthought" is, please read this page.)
  Rule-breaking posts may result in bans. >
  
  Every time I take a shower I hear the faint sound of my kids crying for help. They are fine ...but my brain loves to convince itself the sounds in the walls and pipes are my kids  in danger when I'm in vulnerable places.
  Edit I am curious how many males experience this.  I hear this happens a lot with mothers but as a dad myself, I hear this all the time.  My wife no longer hears it but with kids at 12/6 I occasionally hear "daaaad" or "hellllp" or I am convinced I heard a window break or something broke and I have to get out and check it out. >
  
  Phantom cries while in the shower are so bizarre. >
  
  What that's a thing? ಠ_ಠ >
  
  My kid is a year and a half old and it's much less common now, but yes. I will occasionally hear him cry while in the shower even when I have his monitor right there and he's asleep. >
  
  The baby monitor is just something additional to obsess over. Especially when they're lying still, then you gotta go wake them up because they're too still. >
  
  Nah, you go over there, stare for a minute to verify they're breathing normally, then creep away. 
  Then you hear sounds and accidentally wake them up while they're doing their active sleeping. 
  It's a vicious cycle of self inflicted sleep deprivation. >
  
  Just fixate your gaze on a spot on whatever is covering them. It's going to move as they breathe. Hopefully. >
  
  We use a patterned swaddle so that it's a tiny bit easier to see the movement. But man, you really can go nuts with the fear. >
  
  My son is almost 7. These have not subsided. Every phase of his life they just morph and grow. When he was <3 I had a fear of returning the shopping cart in the space NEXT TO MY CAR because I was sure someone was going to drive off and he was too little to verbalize it.
  It never gets easier. >
  
  My son is 22 and I still get them. Even more once he got a car and became more independent. >
  
  My 'children' are 26 and 19 and I still get anxiety when they are out of contact for a while.  I know it is irrational but it is not something I can just turn off...  I do not let my anxiety interfere with their lives and just keep it to myself, but I definitely breathe a sigh of releif when they get back. >
  
  I can be weeks without contacting my parents and I live 2h drive away. Your comment made me think that maybe I should call them more often. >
  
  Going to the park? Be paranoid that someone is following you to snatch your child?
  Going to Target? Be paranoid that your child will walk out the doors with a stranger when your back is turned. 
  Driving by yourself to your best friend's house for a much needed girl's night? Panic about a semi hitting you head on and you dying and your kid has to grow up without you. >
  
  Don't forget all the potential diseases! >
  
  We mask and are vaccinated. He's a covid toddler. He's been obsessed with washing his hands since he could run. >
  
  ^ Conservatives when they're told to wash their hands >
  
  "I won't be clean and you can't make me" >
  
  shits in own hand and eats it, to own the libs >
  
  Three weeks ago we felt a bump on my 11 month old daughter's belly, so we had it checked by the pediatrician just to be safe. Now she's scheduled for her second round of chemo next week, 2 days before her 1st birthday. So yeah, that's a fresh new layer of hell we weren't prepared for. >
  
  Happened to me when I was 6. Mom thought the bumps on my neck looked weird and took me to the pediatrician. The pediatrician said you need to get him to the hospital immediately. 6 months of chemo and radiation later I was cancer free. >
  
  Out of curiosity, do you have much memory of the treatment? How you felt? What you thought at the time? >
  
  I have tons of memories. Lots of playing Banjo-Kazooie on my Gameboy Advance SP. PET scans and CAT scans. The port I had in my chest for chemo. Before chemo I loved pumpkin pie but my cousins brought a pie to the hospital when I was receiving a drug that made everything taste bad. I couldn't eat pumpkin pie for years after that. In hindsight I should've been more scared. I know my parents sure were. Guess I was just happy to be skipping kindergarten. Fortunately Hodgkin's lymphoma has something around an 80% survival rate but it's still crazy to think about. >
  
  Thank you for the answer. I'm glad you beat it. My 4 year old recently had a major surgery (nothing as serious or complicated as cancer) and I've been extremely interested in how she's felt about everything - even though she's acted braver than I ever could. >
  
  Kids are pretty resilient. I didn't even know why my parents were so scared. I'm glad your daughter's surgery went well. >
  
  I used to hide in the clothing racks at stores when I was out with my mom. I thought it was hilarious. she did not. >
  
  You must be my kid >
  
  Hearing about possible impending wars was a bit unnerving when I was young. Now I have two sons and the idea is terrifying.
  I recently rewatched The Pacific and realized I was older because I identified less with the young men and more with the parents having to watch their kids go to war. >
  
  Watching The Last of Us is a VERY different experience as a dad than watching The Walking Dead and Every Stephen King movie ever before becoming a dad. >
  
  After becoming a dad all horror movies with kids have become a hard no for me. I recently had to turn off both bird box and a quiet place after about 20 minutes.  Parenting in the apocalypse is just way too real for me. >
  
  Stephen King’s Pet Semetary. Holy shit. If you haven’t seen it, don’t. >
  
  That was the main one for me after I became a dad. Fucked me up. That and the baby scene in Trainspotting. >
  
  I don’t remember the baby scene, I do remember him swimming into the toilet world to get the suppository back. 
  “No fair daddy, no fair” “daddy, come play with me”….. in my son’s voice…. And my wife keeps finding that scene on tiktok and sending it to me >
  
  
  !The baby dies when they are high. !< >
  
  That’s the scene…and the ceiling part later on. >
  
  Now that you have made me think about it I'm probably going to have those nightmares even though I don't have a kid! >
  
  never love anything. 
  problem solved. EZPZ >
  
  I have OCD and my intrusive thoughts were always my family dying in a fiery car crash. After I had my son it’s just intrusive thoughts of him trapped in his car seat on fire. My OCD was under control, I had a few clocks in my house, it was all fine. After I had my son I went back to a clock on every single wall in every single room. I can see the time no matter where I am. I have my watch, my phone, a pocket watch, and another wrist watch that I keep with me when I leave the house. My van clocks are programmed. The places I spend a lot of time outside my house have the time properly programmed. Gotta keep him safe from dying in a fiery car crash. >
  
  These things related, or just the ol' OCD "as long as I know what time it is, no car crashes"? >
  
  This is actual OCD, unlike those people who claim they like their pencils straight on their desk which has nothing to do with it.
  Quite a common one is intrusive commands or thoughts in which if you don't complete them correctly, you think something bad may happen. Perhaps a bit like being really superstitious but to such a degree you're doing silly things as a result.
  So OP here seems to have internal demands to know the time, otherwise the car incident may become a reality. When of course the real reality is it won't make any difference whatsoever, but testing that theory means chancing the incident. (OP, it won't happen, you'll be fine) >
  
  Good bot >
  
  Every one of my fears revolves around something happening to my kid, even my fear of death is really just fear that I won't be there for her anymore. >
  
  When you become a parent, you are no longer the protagonist in your own movie. >
  
  Unless that movie is taken >
  
  I mean, it is really just a sub genre of the fear of loss, but it's probably the strongest example of that fear that most people will ever feel. >
  
  Undoubtedly! >
  
  My wife is due in March. We are so close. My mom had a miscarriage around this time with my brother and it has been on my mind every night. >
  
  Congrats. You will have a beautiful March. >
  
  Thank you! >
  
  Last night I had a nightmare where my 5 year old and I were in rags accepting food from a woman who was asking me how long it has been since she ate and I broke down because I couldn't remember. This was the most shame I've ever felt in my entire life. Over 24 hrs later I'm still shook up about it.
  The thought occurred in my sorrow to just give her to the woman. 
  I then realized that I was dreaming and forced myself to wake up (a trick I learned as a child due to night terrors.)
  I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. >
  
  I’ve had multiple nightmares that my child died. Car accidents, wars, monsters, etc etc. 
  I don’t have a child. 
  I also had a vasectomy in 2018, because I don’t want a child. >
  
  You must have a very imaginative brain! >
  
  They day you decide to have a child is the day you decide to live with your heart outside of your body. You're so vulnerable. Worse than a Lich to it's phylactery. It was so strange. I had different dreams before having children. And now that I have children, my only dream is to provide and protect. The day they no longer need me is a day I'm not looking forward to. >
  
  Not unforeseen. I'm not a parent yet but am fully aware this will be a thing. I got a dog and I have regular nightmares about her getting lost or dying >
  
  The only dream I’ve had like that about my dog is one where he got eaten by a hippo and I was devastated. I vividly remember how distressing it was for me during the dream but it became hilarious in retrospect after waking up. >
  
  Meanwhile I had a nightmare About my Harley getting stolen. I don't even own a Harley >
  
  Oh, mercy yes. I watched 28 Days Later in the theatre (like and idiot) when my daughter was a toddler. It wrecked me. My mind involuntarily inserted her, dressed in her red coat and adorable little hat. Into. Every. Scene. Someone else said it elsewhere in this thread: Since 2001, the apocalypse is way too real.
  Even aside from that, I sometimes have to find a way to distract myself from the horrifying images my mind conjures up of what could happen to her. She's 22 now! She doesn't even live in the same town I do. You'd think that would help ... It doesn't. >
  
  My daughter was stillborn. I've connected with many people who have lost infants and young children as well. Knowing the nightmares can come true really... hurts. It definitely changes you. >
  
  I'm so, so sorry for your loss and the loss of the friends you've met along the way. No one should ever have to bury their child. I hope you're doing alright (or as alright as you can). >
  
  Here's another one for you: if you die while they are young (7 or younger) they won't even remember you.
  The only you they'll know is the one is pictures and videos.
  No matter how much time and love you give them, you'll be a fragment of a memory they may not even have. >
  
  I have memories from when I was 4. >
  
  There is a concept called childhood amnesia. 
  Most people have little to no memories from before they were 7.
  Edit: why am I being downvoted? Look it up, it's a real phenomenon. >
  
  I have tons of memories from before 7 but no memory of 7 days ago. >
  
  Yeah I’m confused about what that dude is saying. I was 7 in 1st grade. I can clearly remember a bunch of shit from both kindergarten and pre school. Before pre-k things start to get a little blurry though I can still remember some stuff. >
  
  It's feels like one of those "facts" you read in Snapple bottle caps.
  I'm sure some study somewhere showed some correlation between memory formation and retention and some average number of people find that memories prior to a certain age are more heavily influenced by media of those events yadda yadda yadda and that becomes "if you die before they're 7 , they won't remember you". >
  
  I think it's mostly that, to most people on Reddit, there's not that much difference between being 2-4 and being 7 - they don't have kids and don't remember what it was like being that age.  So they just sort of have this vague recollection that childhood amnesia means that you forget things from "when you're young", and because they didn't remember exactly when it occurs their brain filled in 7 as "young."
  And now they're doubling down (by insisting that people are doubting the concept of childhood amnesia rather than recognizing they got the age wrong by about a factor of two) so they refuse to do the ten seconds of Googling that would tell them the correct age range. >
  
  My entire parenting process is preventing my kids from dying >
  
  makes sense >
  
  “To have children is to accept that your heart will forever live outside your body.” 
  I don’t know who said it, but yeah… well said.
  That’s the kind of thing no one can prepare you for. >
  
  Expecting a baby this summer and recently had the most awful vivid nightmare of our baby being diagnosed with trisomy 13 and having to terminate them. I can only imagine it getting worse once the baby is actually out. >
  
  I had no bad thoughts during my wife's first pregnancy, but on the day my first kid was born, it started. It's like this constant little nagging feeling in the back of your head. What if... 
  I used to be able to get into a fully relaxed state, eg when hiking or kayaking. Completely empty head, just perceive nature and relax. 8 years since the first kid and I just can't get there anymore. I don't think this kind of anxiety will ever go away again. I like to think of it being the price to pay for having my kids and that makes it a lot more bearable.