comment: >
  
  "suddenly"??? Do you not think of these things before you plan on having a child??? Do you think at all?
context: This is a friendly reminder to read our rules.
  Remember, /r/Showerthoughts is for showerthoughts, not "thoughts had in the shower!"
  (For an explanation of what a "showerthought" is, please read this page.)
  Rule-breaking posts may result in bans. >
  
  Every time I take a shower I hear the faint sound of my kids crying for help. They are fine ...but my brain loves to convince itself the sounds in the walls and pipes are my kids  in danger when I'm in vulnerable places.
  Edit I am curious how many males experience this.  I hear this happens a lot with mothers but as a dad myself, I hear this all the time.  My wife no longer hears it but with kids at 12/6 I occasionally hear "daaaad" or "hellllp" or I am convinced I heard a window break or something broke and I have to get out and check it out. >
  
  Phantom cries while in the shower are so bizarre. >
  
  What that's a thing? ಠ_ಠ >
  
  My kid is a year and a half old and it's much less common now, but yes. I will occasionally hear him cry while in the shower even when I have his monitor right there and he's asleep. >
  
  The baby monitor is just something additional to obsess over. Especially when they're lying still, then you gotta go wake them up because they're too still. >
  
  Nah, you go over there, stare for a minute to verify they're breathing normally, then creep away. 
  Then you hear sounds and accidentally wake them up while they're doing their active sleeping. 
  It's a vicious cycle of self inflicted sleep deprivation. >
  
  Just fixate your gaze on a spot on whatever is covering them. It's going to move as they breathe. Hopefully. >
  
  We use a patterned swaddle so that it's a tiny bit easier to see the movement. But man, you really can go nuts with the fear. >
  
  My son is almost 7. These have not subsided. Every phase of his life they just morph and grow. When he was <3 I had a fear of returning the shopping cart in the space NEXT TO MY CAR because I was sure someone was going to drive off and he was too little to verbalize it.
  It never gets easier. >
  
  My son is 22 and I still get them. Even more once he got a car and became more independent. >
  
  My 'children' are 26 and 19 and I still get anxiety when they are out of contact for a while.  I know it is irrational but it is not something I can just turn off...  I do not let my anxiety interfere with their lives and just keep it to myself, but I definitely breathe a sigh of releif when they get back. >
  
  I can be weeks without contacting my parents and I live 2h drive away. Your comment made me think that maybe I should call them more often. >
  
  Going to the park? Be paranoid that someone is following you to snatch your child?
  Going to Target? Be paranoid that your child will walk out the doors with a stranger when your back is turned. 
  Driving by yourself to your best friend's house for a much needed girl's night? Panic about a semi hitting you head on and you dying and your kid has to grow up without you. >
  
  Don't forget all the potential diseases! >
  
  We mask and are vaccinated. He's a covid toddler. He's been obsessed with washing his hands since he could run. >
  
  ^ Conservatives when they're told to wash their hands >
  
  "I won't be clean and you can't make me" >
  
  shits in own hand and eats it, to own the libs >
  
  Three weeks ago we felt a bump on my 11 month old daughter's belly, so we had it checked by the pediatrician just to be safe. Now she's scheduled for her second round of chemo next week, 2 days before her 1st birthday. So yeah, that's a fresh new layer of hell we weren't prepared for. >
  
  Happened to me when I was 6. Mom thought the bumps on my neck looked weird and took me to the pediatrician. The pediatrician said you need to get him to the hospital immediately. 6 months of chemo and radiation later I was cancer free. >
  
  Out of curiosity, do you have much memory of the treatment? How you felt? What you thought at the time? >
  
  I have tons of memories. Lots of playing Banjo-Kazooie on my Gameboy Advance SP. PET scans and CAT scans. The port I had in my chest for chemo. Before chemo I loved pumpkin pie but my cousins brought a pie to the hospital when I was receiving a drug that made everything taste bad. I couldn't eat pumpkin pie for years after that. In hindsight I should've been more scared. I know my parents sure were. Guess I was just happy to be skipping kindergarten. Fortunately Hodgkin's lymphoma has something around an 80% survival rate but it's still crazy to think about. >
  
  Thank you for the answer. I'm glad you beat it. My 4 year old recently had a major surgery (nothing as serious or complicated as cancer) and I've been extremely interested in how she's felt about everything - even though she's acted braver than I ever could. >
  
  Kids are pretty resilient. I didn't even know why my parents were so scared. I'm glad your daughter's surgery went well. >
  
  I used to hide in the clothing racks at stores when I was out with my mom. I thought it was hilarious. she did not. >
  
  You must be my kid >
  
  Hearing about possible impending wars was a bit unnerving when I was young. Now I have two sons and the idea is terrifying.
  I recently rewatched The Pacific and realized I was older because I identified less with the young men and more with the parents having to watch their kids go to war. >
  
  Watching The Last of Us is a VERY different experience as a dad than watching The Walking Dead and Every Stephen King movie ever before becoming a dad. >
  
  After becoming a dad all horror movies with kids have become a hard no for me. I recently had to turn off both bird box and a quiet place after about 20 minutes.  Parenting in the apocalypse is just way too real for me. >
  
  Stephen King’s Pet Semetary. Holy shit. If you haven’t seen it, don’t. >
  
  That was the main one for me after I became a dad. Fucked me up. That and the baby scene in Trainspotting. >
  
  I don’t remember the baby scene, I do remember him swimming into the toilet world to get the suppository back. 
  “No fair daddy, no fair” “daddy, come play with me”….. in my son’s voice…. And my wife keeps finding that scene on tiktok and sending it to me >
  
  
  !The baby dies when they are high. !< >
  
  That’s the scene…and the ceiling part later on. >
  
  Now that you have made me think about it I'm probably going to have those nightmares even though I don't have a kid! >
  
  never love anything. 
  problem solved. EZPZ >
  
  I have OCD and my intrusive thoughts were always my family dying in a fiery car crash. After I had my son it’s just intrusive thoughts of him trapped in his car seat on fire. My OCD was under control, I had a few clocks in my house, it was all fine. After I had my son I went back to a clock on every single wall in every single room. I can see the time no matter where I am. I have my watch, my phone, a pocket watch, and another wrist watch that I keep with me when I leave the house. My van clocks are programmed. The places I spend a lot of time outside my house have the time properly programmed. Gotta keep him safe from dying in a fiery car crash. >
  
  These things related, or just the ol' OCD "as long as I know what time it is, no car crashes"? >
  
  This is actual OCD, unlike those people who claim they like their pencils straight on their desk which has nothing to do with it.
  Quite a common one is intrusive commands or thoughts in which if you don't complete them correctly, you think something bad may happen. Perhaps a bit like being really superstitious but to such a degree you're doing silly things as a result.
  So OP here seems to have internal demands to know the time, otherwise the car incident may become a reality. When of course the real reality is it won't make any difference whatsoever, but testing that theory means chancing the incident. (OP, it won't happen, you'll be fine) >
  
  Good bot >
  
  Every one of my fears revolves around something happening to my kid, even my fear of death is really just fear that I won't be there for her anymore. >
  
  When you become a parent, you are no longer the protagonist in your own movie. >
  
  Unless that movie is taken >
  
  I mean, it is really just a sub genre of the fear of loss, but it's probably the strongest example of that fear that most people will ever feel. >
  
  Undoubtedly! >
  
  My wife is due in March. We are so close. My mom had a miscarriage around this time with my brother and it has been on my mind every night. >
  
  Congrats. You will have a beautiful March. >
  
  Thank you! >
  
  Last night I had a nightmare where my 5 year old and I were in rags accepting food from a woman who was asking me how long it has been since she ate and I broke down because I couldn't remember. This was the most shame I've ever felt in my entire life. Over 24 hrs later I'm still shook up about it.
  The thought occurred in my sorrow to just give her to the woman. 
  I then realized that I was dreaming and forced myself to wake up (a trick I learned as a child due to night terrors.)
  I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. >
  
  I’ve had multiple nightmares that my child died. Car accidents, wars, monsters, etc etc. 
  I don’t have a child. 
  I also had a vasectomy in 2018, because I don’t want a child. >
  
  You must have a very imaginative brain! >
  
  They day you decide to have a child is the day you decide to live with your heart outside of your body. You're so vulnerable. Worse than a Lich to it's phylactery. It was so strange. I had different dreams before having children. And now that I have children, my only dream is to provide and protect. The day they no longer need me is a day I'm not looking forward to. >
  
  Not unforeseen. I'm not a parent yet but am fully aware this will be a thing. I got a dog and I have regular nightmares about her getting lost or dying >
  
  The only dream I’ve had like that about my dog is one where he got eaten by a hippo and I was devastated. I vividly remember how distressing it was for me during the dream but it became hilarious in retrospect after waking up. >
  
  Meanwhile I had a nightmare About my Harley getting stolen. I don't even own a Harley >
  
  Oh, mercy yes. I watched 28 Days Later in the theatre (like and idiot) when my daughter was a toddler. It wrecked me. My mind involuntarily inserted her, dressed in her red coat and adorable little hat. Into. Every. Scene. Someone else said it elsewhere in this thread: Since 2001, the apocalypse is way too real.
  Even aside from that, I sometimes have to find a way to distract myself from the horrifying images my mind conjures up of what could happen to her. She's 22 now! She doesn't even live in the same town I do. You'd think that would help ... It doesn't. >
  
  My daughter was stillborn. I've connected with many people who have lost infants and young children as well. Knowing the nightmares can come true really... hurts. It definitely changes you. >
  
  I'm so, so sorry for your loss and the loss of the friends you've met along the way. No one should ever have to bury their child. I hope you're doing alright (or as alright as you can). >
  
  Here's another one for you: if you die while they are young (7 or younger) they won't even remember you.
  The only you they'll know is the one is pictures and videos.
  No matter how much time and love you give them, you'll be a fragment of a memory they may not even have. >
  
  I have memories from when I was 4. >
  
  There is a concept called childhood amnesia. 
  Most people have little to no memories from before they were 7.
  Edit: why am I being downvoted? Look it up, it's a real phenomenon. >
  
  I have tons of memories from before 7 but no memory of 7 days ago. >
  
  Yeah I’m confused about what that dude is saying. I was 7 in 1st grade. I can clearly remember a bunch of shit from both kindergarten and pre school. Before pre-k things start to get a little blurry though I can still remember some stuff. >
  
  It's feels like one of those "facts" you read in Snapple bottle caps.
  I'm sure some study somewhere showed some correlation between memory formation and retention and some average number of people find that memories prior to a certain age are more heavily influenced by media of those events yadda yadda yadda and that becomes "if you die before they're 7 , they won't remember you". >
  
  I think it's mostly that, to most people on Reddit, there's not that much difference between being 2-4 and being 7 - they don't have kids and don't remember what it was like being that age.  So they just sort of have this vague recollection that childhood amnesia means that you forget things from "when you're young", and because they didn't remember exactly when it occurs their brain filled in 7 as "young."
  And now they're doubling down (by insisting that people are doubting the concept of childhood amnesia rather than recognizing they got the age wrong by about a factor of two) so they refuse to do the ten seconds of Googling that would tell them the correct age range. >
  
  My entire parenting process is preventing my kids from dying >
  
  makes sense >
  
  “To have children is to accept that your heart will forever live outside your body.” 
  I don’t know who said it, but yeah… well said.
  That’s the kind of thing no one can prepare you for. >
  
  Expecting a baby this summer and recently had the most awful vivid nightmare of our baby being diagnosed with trisomy 13 and having to terminate them. I can only imagine it getting worse once the baby is actually out. >
  
  I had no bad thoughts during my wife's first pregnancy, but on the day my first kid was born, it started. It's like this constant little nagging feeling in the back of your head. What if... 
  I used to be able to get into a fully relaxed state, eg when hiking or kayaking. Completely empty head, just perceive nature and relax. 8 years since the first kid and I just can't get there anymore. I don't think this kind of anxiety will ever go away again. I like to think of it being the price to pay for having my kids and that makes it a lot more bearable. >
  
  As a father to a four year old, I am really happy I stumbled across this thread to know that it is not just me being over-the-top with anxiety!
  I let my daughter explore and learn about the world, I just try to remove dangers as much as possible while teaching her about how to be safe. 
  I hope this anxiety gets better with time. >
  
  Being a 10+ year older sibling, I’ve already experienced almost every feeling of parenthood. (I’m 31 and still believe this is true.)
  And I do get worried when my younger siblings go out and party lol. >
  
  I’ve had two nightmares about losing my child - one somewhat recently , and one like 10 years before I ever became a mom. If anything the one from before I was a mom was more disturbing! The more recent one was “I’m awake ok we are good” the other one was all kinds of disturbing to me as I thought it was some omen about what kind of parent I would be. >
  
  I almost lost my children a couple of years ago in a bombing, and to this day if I hear a bang in the middle of the night I have to go check on them. Then nightmares the rest of the night. Yes, I am seeking counseling... >
  
  Oh wow, that's a scary thought! Parenting is definitely an unpredictable journey, but as long as you keep your kid close and give them lots of love and attention, you should both be able to overcome any nightmares together. >
  
  But that's the thing "keeping your kids close"is a pretty new phenomenon.  As a kid I was out all day and barely interacted with my parents until Sunset.  This wasn't considered part of a rough childhood.  It was pretty much the norm.
  The rule used to be " be home when the street lights come on"  everybody was happy with that arrangement. >
  
  yeah the 80s with the incited panic is to blame on this one. no one wants to take your kids, relatively speaking. But like 'fat is bad for you', 'every stranger wants to steal your children' has somehow stuck when it's just very very unlikely. >
  
  I wasnt even an 80s child.  I was born in late 88 so my entire conscious childhood was 90s and 2000s.   Like I said this is a really new phenomenon.
  Truthfully I think videogames and the internet have more to do with it than any moral panic. 
  When I was a kid there was just no reason to be inside. >
  
  We had video games, and internet. source- born in same era but definitely more free range and allowed to watch late night dubious and foreign language programming until our eyes went square. Parenting seemed a lot more laissez fare. >
  
  Yeah we definitely had access but my point is these days it is much more mainstream and children have much less reason to go outside.  Don't get me wrong I was an early adopter of both videogames and the internet.  
  But that's exactly my point.  Once I realized I could access the entire planet from my bedroom I started going outside waaaaaaay less often.  
  I'm not speaking from a "kids these days" perspective either because given the choice I absolutely would have spent my days playing videogames.  They were just nowhere near as accessible as they are now.  I had to go outside to find my entertainment. >
  
  Lol I am not even a parent and I have had these fears since my first niece was born >
  
  Pretty sure I drive my wife nuts some days with my paranoia about this. Even considered therapy it gets so bad. 
  There’s a constant battle in my head hoping they grow up fast and get past the helpless toddler phase so I can have a slight bit of relief but then getting depressed that they are growing up so fast. >
  
  I have a 14 month old and there are so many news articles I won’t read and tv shows I won’t watch. I just don’t need that kind of horror. >
  
  I was pretty fearless growing up. I was hardened by my older sister, making me go into the dark basement and turn on the light. Have me sleep on the outside of the bed as a sacrifice to the boogeyman. Send me into the kitchen or down the creaky steps when people are sleeping and there would be trouble. It made me pretty fearless and ballsy. The first time in my life I ever felt real fear and true terror was when they laid my child on my chest for the first time, and I looked at them. I thought, "For the rest of my life, I'm going to be scared." And I so far I have been. >
  
  This precisely one of the main reasons that made me don't wanna have kids haha >
  
  ... Am I the only parent who DOESN'T catastrophize everything?  Not judging the rest of you, but I'm too busy dealing with kid shit that IS happening to think, or even dream, much about things that might happen. >
  
  You have never had a single nightmare about losing your kid?
  If so, I have nothing but envy. >
  
  Honestly?  I go to bed exhausted every night. I don't remember my dreams. >
  
  Becoming a parent opens your eyes to a depth of love you could hardly fathom before. 
  It also does precisely the same for fear. >
  
  100% this.  I practically don't care what happens to me at this point (hooray depression!), but I go insane at the thought of something happening to my kid.  I just hope that it doesn't turn into "overbearing parent that protects their kid from every teeny tiny possible problem", since that's a different issue that develops from that. >
  
  
  I just hope that it doesn't turn into "overbearing parent that protects their kid from every teeny tiny possible problem", since that's a different issue that develops from that.
  
  Self-awareness is the first step to avoiding it :) >
  
  Ohh okay those. I haven’t had one in a while. Running yessh. They sucked. >
  
  We have window air conditioners and live on the 2nd floor. I have a very specific and irrational fear that my kid is going to grab the power cord right as the AC falls out the window, dragging my kid out the window with it. >
  
  You a fan of Seinfeld? >
  
  not really? Was that an episode? >
  
  Yeah. Not a baby exactly but Kramer. Almost falls out the window. S5E3. >
  
  I started having nightmares before my daughter was even born. They went away at about two. But I still worry, 30 years later. >
  
  It kinda happens with me too but for my baby neice. Weird terrible nightmares that she might get hurt so whenever I'm around I'm extra EXTRA careful with everything >
  
  Woke up sobbing one night a couple months back. Worst dream I’ve ever had. >
  
  Its awesome especially when youve watched every true crime documentary out there and now you cant let your kid out in the garden without thinking someone will hop the gate snatch them and disappear. >
  
  My kid is grown now with a kid .. the fear continues … never ending >
  
  Watched Manchester by the Sea a few months after my first daughter was born. Didn't know what the movie was about, went in blind. Do not recommend. >
  
  I'm a first time parent with a one month old. Literally just woke up from my first major kid related nightmare. He was dropped from a helicopter. It was horrific. >
  
  Unforeseen? Nah. Kids are off the table for us at this point, but when we were trying it was literally the only thing on my mind.
  Our cat died in 2015 and it was one of the most painful couple weeks I've experienced. I kept imagining how much worse it would be if I had a terminally sick child or if something just happened to them. >
  
  How is that unforeseen at all?  It's well known losing a child is near the top of worst things a person can experience >
  
  Im sure you didnt mean ACTUAL nightmares, but a good few years ago I had gotten to the point where nightmares didn't bother me at all and i could fall right back to sleep with no issues. Fast forward to now and I have an 18 month old. I have literal nightmares of my daughter dying basically bi-weekly and it scares the living shit out of me. Can't sleep for the rest of the night and I just stare at the baby monitor to make sure she's okay. >
  
  Losing your kid AND your kid possibly becoming a murder suspect, involved in human trafficking, etc. >
  
  I was literally getting a massage yesterday while my husband took our 18 month old to the mall and I kept replaying horrible scenarios of him losing her over and over again 🙃 >
  
  I'm a big fan of horror movies, but there are quite a few that hit different since becoming a parent, and some I'd rather not watch at all anymore (Pet Sematery for example) >
  
  Three nightmares I’ve had since baby was born last year that stand out:
  Somehow baby is in my bed and gets smothered by my blankets 
  I have forgotten about baby and find her crying and emaciated in her crib
  Hands reach from underneath the crib and pull her through the rails and underneath the crib >
  
  I wasn't prepared by any of the parenting magazines or books for this! Anything from car accidents to having them choke on candy: I am very creative to come up with anything possible that might happen. And then the most challenging part comes with having your kid enjoy the world as they should and you sitting at home checking the clock. Parenthood is quite something. >
  
  I don’t have a kid. If this is how they feel about their kids imagining how ace the world would be if we realised that everyone is/was someone’s kid. >
  
  A friend announced his wife was pregnant the morning of the Uvalde shooting. 
  Welcome to this constant fear. >
  
  This beautiful sentiment reminds me so much of the words of Khalil Gibran on Love.
  We should all try to become a fragment of Life’s heart. >
  
  Right around the time we were realizing just how soul-rending a crying baby is, that guy who died and his baby starved to death before anyone found him was in the news.  I have a friends discord and standing instructions to come check my house if my wife or I fail to post something every day. >
  
  It doesn't end when your kids become adults. Every time you hear of someone dying at 25, 28, 40, etc., your gut wrenches, knowing that could be your son or daughter. The media is all over the Tyre Nichols case because he's black, which it should be, by my Mom-to-adults-heart can't get over the fact he was only 29, nor that he was calling out for his Mom as they beat him. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. If p >
  
  As someone who was evicted from an apartment as a child, I never feared it too much cause it’s already happened. No big deal. 
  Now that I have a 1 month old… I’m working harder than ever to make sure he never has to feel that way. >
  
  For me it’s thinking I forget him in a shopping cart after the store. I know damn well I put him in his car seat but after he is back there being quiet for too long my heart stops because I think I somehow left him behind. But wish this hasn’t happened more than once, but it definitely has. Most recent occurrence was today >
  
  I wake up 2 or 3 times per week, scared and worried about where my kids are. It’s just life now. >
  
  Yep. Conjuring up scenarios every other fucking day and kicking myself every time I remember almost fucking up in horrible ways >
  
  That is how I ended up in outpatient a few months ago. I never had kids of my own but becoming a full time step mother introduced me to a new world of fears. >
  
  Last night I had a dream where I fingered my wife then had a Pokémon battle. >
  
  I had the same dream! >
  
  This is to real, my imagination has ran through many scenarios where this is a possibility. My heart drops, I tear up and panic. Quickly compose myself and shake it off but the feeling does return. >
  
  One of the main reasons why I won't have kids. I have enough anxiety as it is, worrying about anything happening to your kid would put me over the edge >
  
  You could ramp up my anxiety a thousand times until it became utterly crippling and I still wouldn't trade relief for my son. >
  
  You're a really good parent >
  
  Another reason not to have kids. I love positive reinforcement on that decision. >
  
  Unforseen?  I realized this would be an issue when I was 12. 
  Yet another reason i love being child free.  My wife and i discuss it when we watch Criminal Minds