comment: >
  
  I think you’re coming to the wrong conclusion here. It isn’t “if you don’t strive to let your love be known” because they are expressing their love. You seem to be misunderstanding that the way they’ve chosen to express that love is different from how you want it expressed-but that doesn’t mean they aren’t expressing it.
  Your issue seems to be more “if you can’t identify how someone wants to be loved, then any expression of love is pointless”. Do you agree?
context: Many people have mentioned that people express love differently, and that’s true. That’s where the whole idea of love languages comes from. People simply speak different love languages, and knowing what their love language is goes a long way to making them feel loved. 
  An example… my love language is physical touch. My wife’s is receiving gifts. So what does that mean? I can hug, kiss, pat, or touch my wife until the cows come home, but it doesn’t have the same effect as bringer her a Kit Kat home from work, or giving her a binder clip (yes a binder clip… she kept that thing on her nightstand for years). Conversely, she can get me the most thoughtful gifts but I don’t feel nearly as loved as when she jokingly slaps my ass ass I walk by or briefly puts her hand on my back. 
  The point is we can screaming I LOVE YOU in our language but if it isn’t theirs then they just don’t hear it. >
  
  I don't think love between two grown adults can be compared with the love between a parent and a child.   The issue here is parents failing to understand the love language that their children needs, and as you said you can scream "I love you" but if it isn't in their love language they just don't hear it. >
  
  I’m not comparing a relationship between two adults and a parent and child. They are both dependent on recognizing the others language.  Properly expressing that love is definitely key, but speaking someone else’s love language is super hard to do. It’s also important that we recognize what others are doing to express their love. >
  
  As I have mentioned before expecting a literal child to be aware and understanding about your emotional reservations while not cluing them in about it is asking too much. You can't expect a kid to have the same level of understanding as an adult. And frankly if you absolutely unable to be flexible with how you share your affection or feelings you probably shouldn't be a parent. >
  
  No of course not. But as the child grows hopefully they’ll be able to recognize all those things their parents did was in fact love. Granted that doesn’t do a whole lot in the moment of youth, but that’s where the parents should understand and adapt to the child. Sure I’ll even agree that if you are completely inflexible that will make you a bad parent, but flexibility is not the easiest of things for the best of people. Especially when it comes to raising kids because nobody is perfect at doing that. >
  
  I will agree with your post title, but not your explanation.
  Words are meaningless, unless they have actions too. The actions without the words can still be incredibly valuable.
  Would you rather have a parent who says they love you every day, but does nothing for you. Or a parent who doesn't say I love you specifically, but works hard to allow you to afford to have the things you need or want, shows up to your games/recitals/events, helps you with your homework, makes your favorite meals, etc. etc. 
  Sure in a perfect world everybody would be capable and willing to both say and do things to show their love. But actions are for more effective than words. >
  
  When I mentioned that you should put into words the love you feel, I wanted to point out my love language not say that outright saying "I Love You" is the only ways to let people know you love them. Words and actions are equally meaningless without the proper motivations. A parent can provide for their children motivated by their love for them as well as a feeling of duty. And having a comparatively better experience doesn't make wanting more bad. I can have parents who provide for me, but still hate how they make me feel abandoned emotionally. 
  Through you examples you differentiated the love languages a parent might prefer. But when you express your love for someone else you need to do so in their love language not yours. That's the only way to make people feel loved however uncomfortable it may be for you. Now adults may prove to be an exception to this but expecting a kid to be understanding about your emotional reservations on expressing parental affection is asking for too much. >
  
  But whether you feel loved or not, doesn't negative whether that person feels love for you.
  Why is your standard of you should learn to use my love language to express your love to me, more valid than I should learn to understand your love language to comprehend your love for me. 
  Let's use actual language, if I'm speaking English and youre speaking Mandarin, why is me saying you should learn English to speak to me, any more valid than I should learn mandarin to understand you? >
  
  If you love me but fail to express it that love exists only for you within your sphere. If I don't feel loved how else can I know that you love me. If you love somebody the least you can do is try to learn how to express it in a way in which imI can understand it as well. Otherwise it will be like me speaking Mandarin to you, I can only enjoy my own voice or rather only I can enjoy my love for you. >
  
  But if I am expressing it, and you just aren't comprehending it, why is the burden on me to express it differently, and not on you to appreciate the things I am doing. 
  If we are a couple and I am taking on extra shifts at work so that one day we can have your dream wedding, and then a beautiful home,  with a beautiful family, and go on vacations and live comfortably, and you would prefer to go out on dates more often. Why is the burden on me to figure out what you want, and give it to you in your way, to show you love? Why isn't the burden on you to figure out that I am doing this because I love you, and I want us to be happy together, and sometimes that means sacrificing some affection now, for a better situation down the road? 
  I really dont mean this to sound rude, I just see your side as a bit self-centered (which we all are some times). As in "I need you to love me, and show me you love me in the way that I want, or else it doesn't really count". Of course we all have our own desires, and wants, and needs. But it's important to know that not everyone is capable or comfortable of showing they love you in the way you want them to. That doesnt mean they don't love you, it just means that maybe you have to do some work and put in some effort to see the loving things that they did or are doing for you. Mom and/or Dad might have worked instead of going to your soccer game, and its easy to see that as them not being a great affectionate parent, but its also very possible they wish they were there, but they figured it was more important to pay the mortgage, and put food on the table, and keep you healthy, and pay for the activities you love. >
  
  
  Loving some body without expressing it is the same as not loving them at all.
  
  Love is an emotion that happens inside someone's body. Persons who feel love have different mental states and dopamine levels than persons who don't feel love, regardless of whether they communicate what they feel to the outside.
  While they may look indistinguishable from the outside, it doesn't mean that both are the same. >
  
  So you think that someone who shows their love gifts and care, but not verbally expressing it, is zero difference from someone who doesn’t care at all?
  I’m sure there are plenty of people who grew up with completely neglectful and absent parents who would have loved to have had parents that actually took care of them growing up, even if they weren’t that great at verbally expressing their affection. >
  
  Life can always be worse, why does that mean we can't want better? Many would say that I had a model upbringing, but that doesn't disqualify my experience growing up. Never letting your children know that you do truly love them until they are 30 and saddled with emotional damage is selfish and cruel. If you truly love someone, why keep them guessing? >
  
  But giving someone gifts and food is an expression of love. They did let you know through the ways they know how. >
  
  If told said something in Chinese to me right now, you would have technically told me about that piece of information. But did you really let me know? In the same way love can be expressed in many ways but if it can't be perceived or recognised, is it really love? >
  
  Have you heard of the 5 love languages? Just because you don't receive the type of love that they are communicating does not mean it's not present. You may strongly receive love through words of affirmation or quality time but maybe their love languages are communicated through gifts and acts of service. >
  
  A love language as I understand it is the medium in which you prefer to recieve affection, not the way in which you prefer to express it. Atleast for me when I try to express my love I share it through the other person's love language. Similar to how you should speak to a French person in French if you want to get your point across. Speaking in English and insisting that they should understand it because I expressed my point with my whole heart and soul doesn't really matter. >
  
  
  A love language as I understand it is the medium in which you prefer to recieve affection, not the way in which you prefer to express it
  
  Well you're wrong. It is literally a book called The 5 Love Languages.
  From the wiki on it:
  "It outlines five general ways that romantic partners express and experience love"
  It's often extrapolated outside the context of romantic partners and generally any relationship.
  You can be frustrated at your parents for not expressing love in the way you want to receive it, but I'd also ask you how many times have you expressed love towards them in the way they want to receive it? How many times have you made them food or bought them gifts? Just because you're frustrated at the communication disconnect, does not mean that the love was never present. Communication is the most vital aspect of any relationship. >
  
  I feel like you post takes a much softer stance than your title. Your post is just “parents should tell their kids they love them”. That is way different than a parent who does not say “I love you may as well but give a shit about you” which is a much easier point to argue. Would you rather a parent who is a great and nurturing parent that never says “I love you” but clearly does, or a parent who does the legal minimum to keep keep the government from taking you away, but says they love you constantly?
  While I’m on the topic is this about parent kid relationships or all relationships? Because I have friends I love (platonically) but have probably never said that too, but because I love them I would and have gone far out of my way to help them. That I would not have done for someone I didn’t care for. So they have been positivity impacted by the love even without being told. >
  
  I meet a lot of parents who say:
  "I love you and will do anything I can for you, but you cannot live with us anymore and I can't drive 1 hour to come see you every week" in the context of psychiatric hospitalisation of a 12-16 year old.
  How do you compare that to a parent that does allow their child to live with them and see to most of their needs? >
  
  Everyone interprets and appreciates love in different ways. Verbal expressions do very little for me-people have told me they love me or care about me when they clearly didn’t. Words are cheap and lies are easy (in my experience-some people need to hear these words and that’s ok too). 
  To me actions are the only thing that shows love-taking the time to help me with things, being around me, and sacrificing time to help me. Without those things, words or no words are all the same to me. >
  
  Do you think your love language was the same even when you were a child? The main point with using actions to express love is ensuring that it resonates with the ones who are to recieve it. My parents may express their love through actions but they failed to understand that I simply couldn't see it. Even when they understood that I couldn't see it, they chose to not change and that is the greatest issue. If you don't strive to let your love be known, do you really even love?