comment: >
  
  This only works if the attachment to your partner is more than just "love".
context: I've never met anyone who forgave cheating that didn't end up getting cheated on again. >
  
  A good friend of mine cheated on his girlfriend, he came clean. They stayed together and she cheated on him with her ex. I don't have a lesson here, I just find it ironic and he totally deserved it. >
  
  If he came clean, and the other party accepted and agreed to continue is that really "deserving it"? >
  
  People really need to learn the difference between "bringing the consequences down upon yourself" and "deserving the consequences".
  Nobody deserves to be cheated on, but someone who stays with a partner who has cheated on them in the past really can't blame anyone but themselves if they get cucked a second time by that person. >
  
  George W. Jr. said it best..."Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice..err uhh..never get fooled again."  Or something.  Jokes aside, I'm picking up what you're putting down. >
  
  Fool me once, shame on…. Shame on you. Fool me you can’t get fooled again. 
  Those were his words if I remember correctly from listening to no role modelz enough. >
  
  Fool me 3 times, fuck the peace sign >
  
  Idk if that next line is appropriate by Reddit standards 😂 >
  
  My friend had a boyfriend who cheated on her and she gave him another chance. Take a wild guess what happened next. >
  
  They saved a ton on their auto insurance? >
  
  i barked laughter so loudly/suddenly at this that my wife is staring daggers at me for startling her, and the cat (asleep in my lap a moment ago) is now missing 
  thanks a lot, homewrecker >
  
  The cat ran away cuz he heard you barking duh >
  
  "The only thing worse than a loser... Is a loser-in-denial." -unknown, probably >
  
  I find it so hard to cheat, though. Kissing is a choice. Touching is a choice. Going back to their room is a choice. If alcohol was involved, there can be a conversation. But most of it isn't the alcohol. >
  
  i don’t even think alcohol is an excuse, I’ve been absolutely shit face drunk and the only person I think about and wanna be with is my boyfriend. >
  
  I have been shit faced drunk also. Using it as an excuse for anything…..is not a good enough explanation or reason to do something you will later regret. You are responsible for your actions before, during, and after you become inebriated. >
  
  I'm not trying to make excuses for cheaters because I don't support that shit 
  That being said, alcohol literally depresses the area of your brain that is responsible for controlling your inhibitions. That's why people have more confidence when they've had a few, or why difficult situations or conversations can be made easier after a couple. Some people have a tighter grip on themselves when they have a few, some people literally turn into entirely different people when they're drunk. >
  
  Exactly, be in a safe place when figuring out what happens to you then make plans, or decisions before hand. A lot of people decide it is not worth it. You do not have to be drunk to have a good time. If I don’t want to be drunk I’ll volunteer to be DD or w.e but yeah. Saying I was drunk so I did x,y,z is not an excuse for me. >
  
  How is a conscious decision to betray your partner and fuck someone else, a mistake? >
  
  I agree. OP really found an unpopular one. >
  
  It’s not even unpopular, It’s just stupidly misinformed. I wouldn’t be surprised if OP was under the age of 18 >
  
  Or OP is a cheater himself. > >
  
  It's not to say it's impossible to recover but it's almost not worth it because there is forever a tear no matter how much you sew the hole. There is a gentleman, John Gottman, who made the three keys to fixing a relationship after cheating. Atonement, Attune, Attach. These can only be done with a mature partner, someone who is willing to take the blame and be better about it. Because the first step is to not make excuses and know they messed up, a lot of people can't admit that or sit there while their partner tells them how they messed up. 
  Either way, I couldn't, my trust is never regained. It takes both partners to make it work and I'd never love them the same again. Be too busy mourning the man I thought they were. >
  
  Exactly. I believe the only recovery that happens is on the cheater’s end. >
  
  
  why i would not end an other good and healthy relationship.
  
  Clearly it's not a good and healthy relationship if someone cheats >
  
  I had a boyfriend once who when I joked and said “you’d never cheat on me right?!” Refused to tell me he wouldn’t, saying men cheat and they cheat when they are happy in relationships too.   I broke up with him the next day. >
  
  tf... so prob his dad told him that >
  
  People don't cheat by mistake, they do it intentionally.  The fact that only one incident of your partner cheating on you is the only one you know of doesn't mean it's the only time they've cheated on you.  And I wouldn't say that a relationship in which there was cheating is an example of a "good and healthy relationship." >
  
  And just because you've never caught your partner cheating, doesn't meant that they haven't in the past or continue to do so in the present. >
  
  Yes, I know - I never said it does. >
  
  Less about trust. More that they don't respect you. I'd never date someone who didn't respect me. >
  
  Yeah and I think most cheaters have a pretty low self esteem and self respect. >
  
  This is it. People think most cheaters are doing it just because they're selfish. They are selfish, but the bigger issue IMO is the low self-esteem, lack of self-respect, and self-worth. The reason is not "I was horny" because you have your partner for that. There's an underlying issue that is often not discussed. Cheating is generally viewed at a surface level. >
  
  While the betrayal of trust is bad enough on its own, it's the blatant disrespect of it that drives it home. 
  Also, if they "get away" with cheating the first time, they're likely to do it again. I've been cheated on, and it's something I will never abide. >
  
  Low self esteem post >
  
  While i agree that cheaters can change. Forgiving cheating is actually lowering their chances of learning from their mistakes.
  People don't typically change bad behaviors unless they actually face consequences from said behavior. This is the reason why people who cheat on their partners and are forgiven usually do it again.
  When you let go of cheating in a relationship, you're letting your partner know there are no repercussions for their actions, that all they have to do is grovel a bit, and all will be forgiven. >
  
  “Oops I cheated, my bad won’t happen again.”
  How is cheating so minor to you? It’s the act of pursuing intimacy with another individual while in a monogamous relationship? That’s like the one thing that defines monogamy. It’s much different compared to like missing a goal in football or something. >
  
  It’s not that simple of saying oops my bad. 
  You would want to sit down and find out why. What led them to feel they wanted to this. Was it too much alcohol? If so, pretty easy fix, stop drinking/limit drinking or we are done. Maybe they are not satisfying the others sexual needs? Okay, let’s figure out why that is and work on fixing that. Same for emotional needs. 
  There are many reasons why you would want to be an adult about it and understand people make big mistakes but both can learn and grow from it instead of giving up. However, you may learn in those talks that you may just not be right for each other and y’all made a mistake to begin with. 
  Or maybe they are just a shitty person but then again I’d assume there are many other red flags for this situation. >
  
  it's not someone's responsibility to sit their partner down and fix their problems when that partner chooses to cheat instead of actually communicating about what they're unsatisfied with in the first place. >
  
  Except it's not one mistake it's multiple. The secret text is to hook up or drink past the point where you can make proper descions. Even then, I never drank so much where I even considered cheating.
  Then there's the respect part. If you can't respect me enough to break it off, you don't deserve forgiveness. >
  
  I've always been zero-tolerance when it comes to cheating. My rational behind that stance is that there's a whole lot of steps a person has to take in order to cheat on their significant other, and each one of those steps represents a point in time where they could make a decision to not cheat, but did so anyway.
  Even just a single instance of cheating represents a long string of betrayals. If someone is willing to betray their SO in this way I don't think they should be given any more chances to do so. >
  
  "Even just a single instance of cheating represents a long string of betrayals"
  Man this is a good one. Well put. Completely agree. >
  
  I just typed up a whole thing and then I realized you can’t convince someone to not be a doormat so… hope you don’t get an STD. gl. >
  
  yup >
  
  Gave my (ex) fiancé the benefit of the doubt that 'once a cheater always a cheater' doesn't apply to everyone after he told me he cheated on his long term girlfriend. He was very upfront about it when we started dating and seemed genuinely remorseful. 
  I found new years eve that he cheated on me. 
  Fuck him and fuck cheaters >
  
  Absolute dealbreaker no matter what for me. I would never do it to you so if you do it to me of course you are going to get fucked by both me and the person you cheated with. >
  
  I'm not going to tell you how to conduct yourself in your private relationship but my input would simply be; it is not a mistake and in the long run you don't want to be in a relationship with an unfaithful person who doesn't care for and love you deeply. >
  
  Cheating doesn’t just affect your partner. It affects your kids, your family dynamic, possibly your health. For those reasons I couldn’t forgive it. >
  
  It's for those reasons you should forgive. I'm not saying stay in a cheating relationship, but if someone holds onto all that betrayal, disappointment, anger, fear, and abandonment, how will anyone ever move on. How will you not constantly be getting ulcers, high blood pressure and ruining any other future relationship.  You gotta find peace. The forgiveness isn't for the other person. It's for peace in yourself. >
  
  Forgive and break up. Your right >
  
  Man these opinions are different >
  
  I forgave someone for cheating…
  Years after it happened. Took a long time for me to recover but I never thought I’d be in a situation like that. I cared a lot about her, just about as much as anyone can for their loved ones. There just comes a time though when you have to either accept that they’re who they are and will make the choices they will make, or you can stick by them thick and thin and just be their pummeling bag. Regarding this, I remember she reached out to me and asked how I had been (this was about a year or so after we split up) and I pretty much kept it short and sweet; I had no desire to engage in conversation with her. Something in my head kept urging me to ask: so I asked how many. She said, “Eight.” Instead of me flailing my arms and freaking out on her, it in fact, brought me closure to know I wasn’t the only dude who was getting lied to and screwed with. Within that very brief conversation, finally connecting the dots of her infidelity, I just dropped all the anger and resentment I had towards her and simply just responded back, “It’s ok, I forgive you.” And that was that. She didn’t have an answer after that, and I’d like to think she’s somewhere better than where she was when she last spoke to me. 
  Personally, I don’t think about her but this post kind of resonated with me in concurrence with accepting/forgiving a cheater. I’m engaged now with someone I’ve been dating for 5 years, she stayed with me through a deployment and I never have had that bad gut feeling that she’d do anything behind my back— that’s how I know who I’m with is the one in my life. It took a lot of heartache and hardship, but it taught me that cheaters are narcissists and they prey on advantages over their partners— that, or they’re in an abusive relationship. I don’t know. What I do know is that it broke me spiritually in a way I couldn’t imagine. Being cheated on at the time when I was with my ex, it felt more like a stab at who I WAS as a person rather than who else was with her because I felt inadequate or inadmissible as a partner that couldn’t satisfy or satiate her needs. That’s what I felt like, not betrayal or humiliation, just loneliness. 
  TL:DR
  My ex cheated on me eight times, I told her I forgave her and now I’ve moved on in life and am now engaged with someone I’ve been dating for five years. >
  
  As someone that's cheated in the past, I can't even forgive myself let alone expect anyone else to do that. Personally, I don't think cheating is a forgivable action. >
  
  My husband cheated on me with my sister. Tell me is that something you would forgive? >
  
  Yike!!!! >
  
  “Its a mistake” what your partner walked into a room his pants came loose so he fell with a erect penis into a girl who also tripped because her pants came loose and now he is inside her ? You don’t accidentally cheat period end of story >
  
  After someone cheats and you forgive them, you can never believe anything they say in the future. 
  That's what makes the act so terrible. They are proven to be capable of terrible breaches of trust; what's to stop them from doing it again? >
  
  you've never been cheated on have you?
  So either you have never experienced this terrible thing or you are or may become the cheater. >
  
  Cheating is not a "mistake". A mistake is something you do on accident or without a desire to do so. You don't accidentally or mistakenly cheat. It takes effort, desire, selfishness and a lack of care, love and respect twords your partner to cheat. You want to forgive them for betrayal, sure that's on you. That will always be your choice, but remember it was NEVER a mistake or an accident. >
  
  Mistake is just an error in action, can be caused by carelessness, dumbassery, poor judgment. All traits I'd argue a cheater exhibits. Mistakes can happen by accident or intentionally, that's why it's called a mistake and not an accident. What defines an mistake is that it was an error that you made. >
  
  Yeah..... this is a fantasy! Trust me they are still cheating but are much better at hiding it now. >
  
  Hard no. Could never trust them again nor do they deserve for me to trust them again. 
  I'll give you some credit though - you're definitely in the right sub. >
  
  While I do believe it can be extremely difficult to overcome, I am lucky enough to say that my wife and I were able to do this. She had cheated, we both went to therapy separately as there were issues she needed to work thru before we could work on our marriage and after years of hard work in repairing our relationship, we have done it. I have forgiven her and we are doing great. Yes she did a terrible thing, which she knows, but that doesn't make her a terrible person and I know that.
  I also know I am likely in the minority in that my relationship continued stronger after. But to your original thought, I am also willing to forgive and know that it's possible. >
  
  So..I take it you've cheated, and want to be forgiven? >
  
  I was looking for this comment. Cheaters understand cheaters. >
  
  Or, are justifying/minimizing the offense. >
  
  Look there are mistakes that people cannot and should not come back from. I belive infidelity is one of those. >
  
  As someone who has been cheated on and continued in the relationship, I agree. But it's hard fucking work.
  It has taken serious and deep communication with the explicit choice to be vulnerable again. You have to really show up in every single way for your partner. There's no hiding or opacity but countless lengthy discussions about why this choice (not mistake or accident) was made and future steps for a healthy relationship. 
  Many can disagree or assume the cheating continued (better hidden), but truthfully, that hasnt been my experience. And I don't believe making 1 choice means you will continually and consistently make the same decision over and over (i.e., "once a cheater always a cheater"). >
  
  Years before my wife and I got married she cheated on me. Hurt me real bad. But I’m not a terrible person and I believe in a second chance. We’ve been together 10 years in total now and it hasn’t happen since then. I think some people can change. >
  
  That you know of >
  
  Trust me I know 😂😂 >
  
  When I've been cheated on I took it as "I don't want to be exclusive with you, and therefore the relationship is over", and acted accordingly >
  
  You’ll just get cheated on again >
  
  That’s great for you! I think it’s up to each of us to decide what’s acceptable and what’s not. I’ve know people who’ve cheated, stayed together, and been happy, and I’ve also know plenty who were deeply unhappy. If you decide that you can forgive and move on, and you’re truly happy, then more power to ya. I just don’t think it’s a generalization you can make for everyone else >
  
  It really depends on circumstances. If it’s somebody I had a family with and it was a one-time cry for help for someone that feels completely trapped in life and adultery is an alternative to suicide or a substance addiction, then with time I could forgive. It’d be a long journey back to trust afterwards though >
  
  I can think of mitigating circumstances that may not be like to be reproduced.  You were travelling for work for a year, you were in jail, you were in a coma, but if it's just because your partner is high in trait "openness to new experiences" and has poor impulse control, then it's going to happen again and you are better off either ending or changing the parameters of your relationship. >
  
  Well I will forgive a cheater, but that doesn’t mean I will give that person a second chance with me. To me forgiveness doesn’t mean to repair the relationship, you can forgive and move on, cut them out of your life. >
  
  Have you been cheated on before OP, or is this purely theoretical? >
  
  Op is young >
  
  Do you wanna watch? >
  
  i thought the same thing til it happened to me now i wanna see her world burn. >
  
  Doesn't matter even if you have a family. It's game over. I don't understand the do it for the kids people. They see everything and aren't stupid. You're setting yourself and them up for failure. They will see it and think it's normal. >
  
  An relationship when someone is cheating cannot be good or healthy >
  
  If they cheat, it's over. No exceptions. >
  
  Once a cheater, always a cheater. >
  
  They always do it again, the only thing that keeps any of us from doing things we shouldn’t is consequences whether those be physical or mental, without them nothing to stop us repeating the same bad behaviour. >
  
  Cheating isn't a mistake it's a series of choices you make that even allowed the "temptation" into your life in the first place. >
  
  Cheating isn't a mistake. It's a number of incorrect choices that totally disrespect your partner. >
  
  If you forgive a cheater, they always do it again. Never seen an exception . >
  
  When a partner cheats on you, forgive them, come back to us and let us know how it goes :) >
  
  Not even a hot take, just a fucking stupid one >
  
  forgive? Yes. but trust again? no. and that's the problem in relationship. >
  
  Yeah….no. 
  Let’s say you forgive them and all is good. Say the don’t even cheat again - it’s still proof that if the circumstances align they have self-control issues OR somehow justify periodic shitty behavior. Not worth it to get another “surprise” one day. If it’s not cheating again, it’s something else. 
  Also, cheating isn’t a momentary thing like getting angry and punching someone at a bar or something - it takes time. There’s a whole fucking giant amount time it takes to do that. At any point they could have stopped but kept going. 
  I don’t know a single person that has cheated on their partner that didn’t eventually do it again. >
  
  OP has never been cheated on. >
  
  Except cheating isn't a mistake, and more times than not a cheater will cheat again. If boundaries were set before and they are broken, it's a breach of trust. >
  
  I agree with op, ppl deserve a chance of forgiveness and change >
  
  Here’s the thing about cheating. Once you do it and get away with it, it’s a lot easier to do it again and again and again. If you get caught and your SO doesn’t leave you, imagine what the cheater thinks “oh wow, I got caught AND nothing happened”. I firmly believe the only reason married couples work out their infidelity issues is purely monetary in nature. If a woman is 100% dependent on her husband and he cheats what is she going to do? If a husband gets cheated on is it really worth the headache of a divorce? >
  
  I feel like 99.999% of people who post opinions like this have never been in a relationship and or never been cheated on. Or they’re just cheaters trying to feel better, who knows. >
  
  I'm detecting a SIMP. >
  
  This reads like it was written by a 12 year old. Put a space after your sentences.
  Kudos for an unpopular opinion even if it is just more of a completely ass take on relationships. Enjoy getting cheated on I guess lmao >
  
  I have the same opinion, and I even know that probably wouldn't be the same if the unfaithfull part is me, but I'm not planing on cheating on my husband and never cheated in a relationship before, the thing is I also think you never know until you are in that position. >
  
  only weak people stay after being cheated on. >
  
  I can see this especially in a marriage. Like I’m not going to go through a yucky divorce and traumatize my kids cause you kissed a girl when you were drunk. I could MAYBE get over a one time thing, but not if it was a full on mistress >
  
  Agree, I don't think this is as unpopular as people think it is...part of it has to do with how loaded the word "cheat" is. It can mean so many different things but people always assume the absolute worst. But how many people would honestly throw away a 10+ year marriage without so much as a second thought over one kiss, or an emotional affair that never turned physical? There are levels to cheating and some of those levels can certainly be worked through if that's what the couple decides. >
  
  Right, not every scenario warrants a second chance but sometimes things can be reconciled. >
  
  If the relationship was healthy the partner wouldn’t have cheated genius >
  
  Once a cheater always a cheater... >
  
  This is going to sound stupid but there was a romantic film I saw about 15 years ago that changed my mind about adultery. It made me realize that cheating is totally forgivable because people, even your partner, can make really stupid mistakes that don't actually harm the long-term viability and depth of a loving relationship. I know, sounds dumb that a romance changed my mind, but I'm serious.
  So in this movie two people (at least one had a spouse, I think the other did too, can't remember) fall in love with each other and they have this amazing romance, and the story builds to the point where you know damn well they're going to run off to be with one another. It's inevitable... it has to be. But at the very end when they're supposed to give the sign and they're supposed to meet up and run off... the other one doesn't show up. No sign, no running off. Nothing happens. And nothing can happen because it was all timed and could only happen then and there.
  What happened was that other person realized all they would lose if they chose the affair over the deep and lasting family and relationship they already had.
  I honestly feel like that's all you need really. The other partner has to come to the realization that what you two had was so much better than the affair. And that the affair was literally a total lapse in judgment.
  Can you live with a partner who has bad judgment sometimes? Sure, why not?
  I'm not saying this should be like Church where they just ask to be absolved every week. And I'm not even saying this is no different from polyamory or open relationships.
  I'm saying if your partner does it once, but comes to a realization and chooses you over them, then that's something good out of something bad. If it starts happening again and again, that's something else.
  I also remember a relative whose wife cheated on him. It was mostly online, and they were coworkers, and they maybe hooked up like once. He outright divorced her. She was an amazing mother, a great wife who had a lapse in judgment. He couldn't accept that this amazing woman who made a great family with him could possibly be worthy of forgiveness and just completely threw her to the curb. Worst decision he ever made. His place descended into chaos, the kids were constantly having trouble, almost going to jail, cops would be called to his place. She kept the family tight and together. She loved him and regretted ever doing it. He just couldn't handle it and made it be an attack on his machismo or something. Completely stupid, he could have kept that family together by holding onto her and accepting that she regretted it all. But nope. >
  
  I agree. My husband and I spoke about this prior to getting married. Our relationship is really solid and I could never in a million years imagine either one of us cheating, but we are both only human and humans have been known to make terrible mistakes. It would feel wrong to just throw everything away without even trying to fix things just because he made a mistake and I was hurt, especially now we have kids involved. I would go through hell to repair our relationship and rebuild lost trust because he is the love of my life. 
  But it would be once only. A second time would just be taking the piss. >
  
  I think it's hard for me to chalk it up as a mistake, while yes it is one, it's also so much more than that.
  A mistake could be coloring outside the lines when you were trying to. Oops. 
  Actively making a series of decisions that leads to you betraying your SO's trust, disrespecting the relationship and boundaries, and fucking someone else seems more than a mistake. It's very intentional and incredibly selfish/hurtful.
  I hope people with kids have learned a long time ago how to put others first when it comes to certain situations. >
  
  I think a mistake can be an intentional choice, and even be a long-term thing or series of choices. Getting addicted to drugs may be a mistake, getting a DUI, stealing, punching someone in the face, killing someone. All mistakes. Obviously not mistakes that can be forgiven lightly the way you would for a minor mistake someone says "sorry" about, but a mistake nonetheless. Some people may not be able to forgive one (or any) of my previous examples, and that's okay too. Not all mistakes need to be forgiven. 
  There needs to be serious work involved in any major mistake like this. There's often something much deeper going on (trauma, mid-life crisis, etc). Someone can go months behaving a certain way, making horrible choices believing it's what they want..... then look back on it later going what was I thinking?? 
  In my opinion, a mistake is something you do when you are either a) not yourself b) uninformed/inexperienced... and that you later snap out of, realize you are wrong, and are horribly grieved by after. People need to own it and actively do the work to change. I'd almost go so far as to say: for something to be a mistake, you HAVE to regret it after. Otherwise it's just a pattern and a personality flaw. >
  
  Sunk cost. Don’t waste your time. >
  
  Was OP cheated on? Even if not, don't ever lower your self respect for a selfish cheater. >
  
  Once it starts happening and ur partner sees that you letting them get away with it. They will keep on doing it again. "Once a Cheater, always a Cheater". You might think that it's a healthy relationship now but...it's not a healthy relationship ...if he cheats on you. You have to let go of them otherwise he can very easily turn into a unhealthy relationship. Because they are not ready a commited relationship yet. >
  
  Is a relationship good and healthy if your partner chooses to cheat? >
  
  My last girlfriend was cheating on me with a close friend and I will never forget how much that hurt. I will never excuse choosing to do something you know would hurt someone more than simply ending the relationship. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having sex with as many consenting adults and if thats what you want to do by all means. It's not ok to lie and disregard someone in the process. >
  
  My cheating ex fiancé fucked around and found out.
  I didn’t buy the house, I made her get a loan to buy the car I bought for her, and I finally left after trying to make it work after I caught her.
  Na f that homie. Cheaters have a special place in hell waiting for them. >
  
  First let’s define cheating.  
  Sex with another when the parties do not have an open marriage (as bad an idea it is, I suppose if there is an understanding the marriage is open, it’s not cheating) 
  What about watching porn?
  What about going to a strip bar with friends?
  What about talking on the phone for hours every other day with another person but no intimacy?
  What about masturbating?
  What if you’re drunk and fondled or got felt up and liked it but felt bad the next morning when sober?
  What is cheating ?  
  In my marriage, all of this is cheating and I don’t do it but I definitely disagree that all of this should be deemed cheating. >
  
  Watching porn or jerking off are cheating to you? lol >
  
  Once a cheater, always a cheater. >
  
  hahaha you think it's a one time thing ahhaha
  if there was ANY chance of it being a one time thing then forgiving them is the best way to make sure it happens again >
  
  Cheating never bothered me either. I have a strong sense of compersion, and not much jealousy. Jealousy made me a monster once when I was 15, and destroyed a close circle of my friends. Its like I popped a jealousy fuse. Be with me, dont be with me, play the field, have fun... I'm 9 years into a solid relationship where that isn't an issue... but if she cheated on me I'd be pretty meh about it. I dont feel its a slight against me. Never broke up with a girl or woman for cheating on me. Mishandling money, lying, no longer romantically interested, tired of arguing 'like its the 80s', being to hard on a child over something, finding out someone is really dumb... sure.  
  In a perfect world I'd be poly. The woman I want to be with (and am with) is not on board with that, and she is greater imo than anyone else I've dated. We look out for each other. We dated in 89-91, and even after the break up we looked out for each other. We both even tried to hook other people up with each other because we saw good fits. She's pretty awesome, and if I couldn't have her someone who would appreciate her should. But I wish I a few of my GFs in my 20s would have just come out as poly. We would have had a blast. One of them has come out as poly. She encourage me to make out with one of my ex's back when we dated... sigh.  
  When I see how jealousy and cheating make others react I feel sorry for them. All that love wasted in seconds as malice flies. I'm still friends with many of the women I dated in life. I've even taken their husbands out on man dates at the ex's request. I've changed diapers of my ex's kids, along with cooking for them, and showing them stupid camping tricks. One of my best friends married one of my ex's, I went to the wedding... We see each other a few times a year for parties, brunches, and camping. Jealousy would have destroyed a pretty fantastic social network and extended family. There are always 3-4 women I've been with at social functions. The love and friendship means more than the sex. The sex is cool, but it stopping doesn't kill the love, nor does cheating... I dont fell cheating is an attack on me, or my character. And if they fall in love with that person... I want them to be happy. I'm happier when the people I love are happy.  
  I also say all this from a place of privilege. I was easy on the eye, I attracted (and repulsed) 'the right' people, and was never deprived of love, affection, or sex. >
  
  Ah yes blame the one who got hurt by the massive violation of trust not the one who caused it. Flawless logic. >
  
  I'm more blaming jealousy, and not people. I blame the social narratives that promote jealousy, too. I blame the narrative that says being cheated on should hurt you. Environment programs people. That needing to own someone, or being their only one, causes the jealousy, and people act upon that.  
  My version of love is the want for the health, welfare, happiness, and ascension of another. I personally cant stop loving someone over cheating; as I dont feel its a trespass against me. I can stop loving someone if they empty my bank account, shoot my dog, lie to me about money and put me in a shit situation, they turn into an ugly person (such as a racist or bigot), stab me, break my things... But even then I love them enough to want them to get better; far away from me; but better.  
  Free will is limited. These people cant help but be jealous. How can they shoulder all the blame for what society tells them is the way to act? >
  
  Do you not see how going against their boundaries in a relationship? All of what you said can apply to people who don’t like their partners breaking their own personal boundaries. Just because you aren’t personally hurt by it doesn’t mean you can’t be empathetic. 
  I’m not religious but I can understand a muslim getting upset if someone served them pork (assuming the person was aware). What you are doing is basically blaming the Muslim for getting offended rather than blaming the person who decided to offend them. >
  
  I have a hard time being empathetic when someone goes from loving someone to hating someone when it comes this issue. Frankly, I'd be more empathetic to a muslim who was served pork and lost their love for another than someone who was cheated on and lost their love for someone.  
  I have sympathy for them; they were programmed with ideas that have set them up for great suffering. They didn't choose this; society chose it for them. Love is jealous, greedy, and all that shit Bender had to say about it, in the social narrative. They are programmed with a mechanism that is pretty likely to be triggered, that will cause them, and those they once loved, and those around them, a lot of suffering.  
  My jealousy fuse was popped after being filled with it. Not jealous over my GF and anyone else. One of our closest friends/couple. Ever see the movie Excalibur? I was like Uther lusting after Igraine, while best friends with Gorlois... I do and say some pretty fucked up shit. My GF doesn't leave me, but I ruined an epic friendship. We'd see each other on weekends even tho we lived across town. We went to cookouts in the summer... The guilt of the jealousy popped that fuse. If I crushed on someone? I felt compersion for her if she found someone and was happy. >
  
  So what you are telling me is that when someone betrays a person in a major way and violates their trust that if their view of them changes you can’t understand that?
  Keep in mind the person knowingly decided to violate that person’s trust it is their fault. If they don’t like their relationship they should grow the fuck up and leave the relationship. >
  
  I do understand betrayal changing one's feeling for someone. I also do understand that cheating is seen by the majority as an egregious trespass. It's just this, for me, isn't a trespass. There are trespasses I've experience where I have stopped loving someone, came to hate them. I understand the concept, and have experienced it, but from other line items.  
  My perspective on the concept of cheating is different. It's nul0 in importance to me. Its of no trespass against me. I dont own anyone,  and I know most cheating isn't done as some plot to hurt others. It's two (or more) people who had/are having that connection together. If I'm planning a life with someone, which isn't always part of dating someone, I'm going to want to know how this is going to effect our plans and life. Be with me, dont be with me, thanks for being with me when you were.   
  While I'm know my aloofness on this issue cost me some relationships, It didn't cost me any friendships, and made some of them stronger. I was 'cheated on' a few times. Didnt hurt my feelings. I do feel sorry for people who can be wounded this way. >
  
  If cheating doesn’t affect you that’s fine you don’t have to be affected by it. But don’t judge people for caring about it and being hurt by a betrayal. 
  It’s also very hypocritical for judging someone for ending a relationship or not loving someone because of a betrayal while also saying you have done the same. Just because what is a betrayal to you is different doesn’t change anything.
  Monogamy isn’t owning people it’s more of a contract. Ownership would imply the other person has no choice in the matter when they absolutely do. >
  
  Have you been cheated on OP? Cause from the sounds of your post it doesn't seem like it. Everything is a lot easier to see and or accept when you purely have an outside perspective it's different when you are directly involved. No matter what cheating is a choice that people make and no there isn't an excuse for it it really isn't a mistake.  It's very situational if a relationship can even move forward after it i feel just a little naive to just slap a "I would totally be okay with cheating" >
  
  Until your partner gives you HIV and Chlamydia >
  
  Hey man, it’s your grave. At that point, if the person cheats again, then that’s on you. >
  
  It seems to me that you have never been cheated on… that is not the feeling of someone who has experienced the problem. You are just saying it in theory. >
  
  Idk this just sounds like you cheated before and don’t find it to be a huge deal. Probably also means that you expect to be forgiven when you do cheat cause again you don’t find it to be a big deal >
  
  Yeah if you're married you are absolutely right.  People make mistakes, and cheating CAN be a mistake.  Relationships and emotions are complicated so people saying its choice to cheat on your partner are missing the point.  Obviously its a choice and not literally an accident.  But idk to me if you're married and you're partner is remorseful and wants to work it out its up to you.  Its a big thing and should be treated as such, but not a mandatory dealbreaker if you are both really in love. 
  If you're just dating, its too much of red flag to really justify trying to continue the relationship, and you will probably just continue to get hurt.  
  Totally valid to simply fall out of love with the other person over it too, I just think if you're married there should be some effort to reconcile if the partner who cheated is trying to. >
  
  Once a cheater, always a cheater. Kind of like once an addict, always an addict. Doesn't always mean they're a bad person (but sometimes they are). If someone can forgive it, good on them, but there's always the risk of it happening again. >
  
  RULE 1: this is not an opinion. this is a preference you have. >
  
  I agree! I don’t think it should be normalize in the sense of promotion of cheating, but I don’t think sex with someone else is that bad compared to other shit. Also levels, another family = piece of shit (boy or girl), one night stand one time - shit happens >
  
  That's a weird way to split hairs >
  
  It's all a choice. Not a mistake >
  
  Rip >
  
  well best of luck out there with that mate. >
  
  With 7B+ people in the world, why in the hell would you want to stay with someone who broke your trust once, makes no sense.. >
  
  Same, idrc, just use a condom. I don't own my partner. The disrespect would come not from the cheating, it would be the cheating, the putting yourself at risk, and not being honest about it and the possible transmissions should I be dumb enough to not wear a condom myself. That's just plain old irresponsible. >
  
  cheating is always a choice, it’s never a mistake. >
  
  You're dating and someone cheats is one thing. If you are married, and have a baby born with with an incurable STD because you husband cheats? You husband has child with another woman, and she sues for child support, so he takes health care off your children to support his bastard? You find out none of your children are yours because your wife has guy on the side. You catch an incurable disease, because your spouse cheats? I'm not that forgiving. >
  
  I think it depends if they just fucked (with protection) or they are actually dating someone else >
  
  I feel like this isn’t…unpopular cause a lotta people do, I think people on Reddit just advocate strongly for not forgiving? >
  
  Is this really an unpopular opinion to forgive people? 
  This staying on the sub promotes so many of the sexual cliche opinions/kinks as being viable posts >
  
  I agree.
  There's so much more to life than (denying) guilty pleasures. I wouldn't call it a mistake though... More like... You treated yourself.
  Leaving me and abandoning me for good, or humiliating me, that's another thing. >
  
  Are you M or F?