comment: >
  
  only weak people stay after being cheated on.
context: I've never met anyone who forgave cheating that didn't end up getting cheated on again. >
  
  A good friend of mine cheated on his girlfriend, he came clean. They stayed together and she cheated on him with her ex. I don't have a lesson here, I just find it ironic and he totally deserved it. >
  
  If he came clean, and the other party accepted and agreed to continue is that really "deserving it"? >
  
  People really need to learn the difference between "bringing the consequences down upon yourself" and "deserving the consequences".
  Nobody deserves to be cheated on, but someone who stays with a partner who has cheated on them in the past really can't blame anyone but themselves if they get cucked a second time by that person. >
  
  George W. Jr. said it best..."Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice..err uhh..never get fooled again."  Or something.  Jokes aside, I'm picking up what you're putting down. >
  
  Fool me once, shame on…. Shame on you. Fool me you can’t get fooled again. 
  Those were his words if I remember correctly from listening to no role modelz enough. >
  
  Fool me 3 times, fuck the peace sign >
  
  Idk if that next line is appropriate by Reddit standards 😂 >
  
  My friend had a boyfriend who cheated on her and she gave him another chance. Take a wild guess what happened next. >
  
  They saved a ton on their auto insurance? >
  
  i barked laughter so loudly/suddenly at this that my wife is staring daggers at me for startling her, and the cat (asleep in my lap a moment ago) is now missing 
  thanks a lot, homewrecker >
  
  The cat ran away cuz he heard you barking duh >
  
  "The only thing worse than a loser... Is a loser-in-denial." -unknown, probably >
  
  I find it so hard to cheat, though. Kissing is a choice. Touching is a choice. Going back to their room is a choice. If alcohol was involved, there can be a conversation. But most of it isn't the alcohol. >
  
  i don’t even think alcohol is an excuse, I’ve been absolutely shit face drunk and the only person I think about and wanna be with is my boyfriend. >
  
  I have been shit faced drunk also. Using it as an excuse for anything…..is not a good enough explanation or reason to do something you will later regret. You are responsible for your actions before, during, and after you become inebriated. >
  
  I'm not trying to make excuses for cheaters because I don't support that shit 
  That being said, alcohol literally depresses the area of your brain that is responsible for controlling your inhibitions. That's why people have more confidence when they've had a few, or why difficult situations or conversations can be made easier after a couple. Some people have a tighter grip on themselves when they have a few, some people literally turn into entirely different people when they're drunk. >
  
  Exactly, be in a safe place when figuring out what happens to you then make plans, or decisions before hand. A lot of people decide it is not worth it. You do not have to be drunk to have a good time. If I don’t want to be drunk I’ll volunteer to be DD or w.e but yeah. Saying I was drunk so I did x,y,z is not an excuse for me. >
  
  How is a conscious decision to betray your partner and fuck someone else, a mistake? >
  
  I agree. OP really found an unpopular one. >
  
  It’s not even unpopular, It’s just stupidly misinformed. I wouldn’t be surprised if OP was under the age of 18 >
  
  Or OP is a cheater himself. > >
  
  It's not to say it's impossible to recover but it's almost not worth it because there is forever a tear no matter how much you sew the hole. There is a gentleman, John Gottman, who made the three keys to fixing a relationship after cheating. Atonement, Attune, Attach. These can only be done with a mature partner, someone who is willing to take the blame and be better about it. Because the first step is to not make excuses and know they messed up, a lot of people can't admit that or sit there while their partner tells them how they messed up. 
  Either way, I couldn't, my trust is never regained. It takes both partners to make it work and I'd never love them the same again. Be too busy mourning the man I thought they were. >
  
  Exactly. I believe the only recovery that happens is on the cheater’s end. >
  
  
  why i would not end an other good and healthy relationship.
  
  Clearly it's not a good and healthy relationship if someone cheats >
  
  I had a boyfriend once who when I joked and said “you’d never cheat on me right?!” Refused to tell me he wouldn’t, saying men cheat and they cheat when they are happy in relationships too.   I broke up with him the next day. >
  
  tf... so prob his dad told him that >
  
  People don't cheat by mistake, they do it intentionally.  The fact that only one incident of your partner cheating on you is the only one you know of doesn't mean it's the only time they've cheated on you.  And I wouldn't say that a relationship in which there was cheating is an example of a "good and healthy relationship." >
  
  And just because you've never caught your partner cheating, doesn't meant that they haven't in the past or continue to do so in the present. >
  
  Yes, I know - I never said it does. >
  
  Less about trust. More that they don't respect you. I'd never date someone who didn't respect me. >
  
  Yeah and I think most cheaters have a pretty low self esteem and self respect. >
  
  This is it. People think most cheaters are doing it just because they're selfish. They are selfish, but the bigger issue IMO is the low self-esteem, lack of self-respect, and self-worth. The reason is not "I was horny" because you have your partner for that. There's an underlying issue that is often not discussed. Cheating is generally viewed at a surface level. >
  
  While the betrayal of trust is bad enough on its own, it's the blatant disrespect of it that drives it home. 
  Also, if they "get away" with cheating the first time, they're likely to do it again. I've been cheated on, and it's something I will never abide. >
  
  Low self esteem post >
  
  While i agree that cheaters can change. Forgiving cheating is actually lowering their chances of learning from their mistakes.
  People don't typically change bad behaviors unless they actually face consequences from said behavior. This is the reason why people who cheat on their partners and are forgiven usually do it again.
  When you let go of cheating in a relationship, you're letting your partner know there are no repercussions for their actions, that all they have to do is grovel a bit, and all will be forgiven. >
  
  “Oops I cheated, my bad won’t happen again.”
  How is cheating so minor to you? It’s the act of pursuing intimacy with another individual while in a monogamous relationship? That’s like the one thing that defines monogamy. It’s much different compared to like missing a goal in football or something. >
  
  It’s not that simple of saying oops my bad. 
  You would want to sit down and find out why. What led them to feel they wanted to this. Was it too much alcohol? If so, pretty easy fix, stop drinking/limit drinking or we are done. Maybe they are not satisfying the others sexual needs? Okay, let’s figure out why that is and work on fixing that. Same for emotional needs. 
  There are many reasons why you would want to be an adult about it and understand people make big mistakes but both can learn and grow from it instead of giving up. However, you may learn in those talks that you may just not be right for each other and y’all made a mistake to begin with. 
  Or maybe they are just a shitty person but then again I’d assume there are many other red flags for this situation. >
  
  it's not someone's responsibility to sit their partner down and fix their problems when that partner chooses to cheat instead of actually communicating about what they're unsatisfied with in the first place. >
  
  Except it's not one mistake it's multiple. The secret text is to hook up or drink past the point where you can make proper descions. Even then, I never drank so much where I even considered cheating.
  Then there's the respect part. If you can't respect me enough to break it off, you don't deserve forgiveness. >
  
  I've always been zero-tolerance when it comes to cheating. My rational behind that stance is that there's a whole lot of steps a person has to take in order to cheat on their significant other, and each one of those steps represents a point in time where they could make a decision to not cheat, but did so anyway.
  Even just a single instance of cheating represents a long string of betrayals. If someone is willing to betray their SO in this way I don't think they should be given any more chances to do so. >
  
  "Even just a single instance of cheating represents a long string of betrayals"
  Man this is a good one. Well put. Completely agree. >
  
  I just typed up a whole thing and then I realized you can’t convince someone to not be a doormat so… hope you don’t get an STD. gl. >
  
  yup >
  
  Gave my (ex) fiancé the benefit of the doubt that 'once a cheater always a cheater' doesn't apply to everyone after he told me he cheated on his long term girlfriend. He was very upfront about it when we started dating and seemed genuinely remorseful. 
  I found new years eve that he cheated on me. 
  Fuck him and fuck cheaters >
  
  Absolute dealbreaker no matter what for me. I would never do it to you so if you do it to me of course you are going to get fucked by both me and the person you cheated with. >
  
  I'm not going to tell you how to conduct yourself in your private relationship but my input would simply be; it is not a mistake and in the long run you don't want to be in a relationship with an unfaithful person who doesn't care for and love you deeply. >
  
  Cheating doesn’t just affect your partner. It affects your kids, your family dynamic, possibly your health. For those reasons I couldn’t forgive it. >
  
  It's for those reasons you should forgive. I'm not saying stay in a cheating relationship, but if someone holds onto all that betrayal, disappointment, anger, fear, and abandonment, how will anyone ever move on. How will you not constantly be getting ulcers, high blood pressure and ruining any other future relationship.  You gotta find peace. The forgiveness isn't for the other person. It's for peace in yourself. >
  
  Forgive and break up. Your right >
  
  Man these opinions are different >
  
  I forgave someone for cheating…
  Years after it happened. Took a long time for me to recover but I never thought I’d be in a situation like that. I cared a lot about her, just about as much as anyone can for their loved ones. There just comes a time though when you have to either accept that they’re who they are and will make the choices they will make, or you can stick by them thick and thin and just be their pummeling bag. Regarding this, I remember she reached out to me and asked how I had been (this was about a year or so after we split up) and I pretty much kept it short and sweet; I had no desire to engage in conversation with her. Something in my head kept urging me to ask: so I asked how many. She said, “Eight.” Instead of me flailing my arms and freaking out on her, it in fact, brought me closure to know I wasn’t the only dude who was getting lied to and screwed with. Within that very brief conversation, finally connecting the dots of her infidelity, I just dropped all the anger and resentment I had towards her and simply just responded back, “It’s ok, I forgive you.” And that was that. She didn’t have an answer after that, and I’d like to think she’s somewhere better than where she was when she last spoke to me. 
  Personally, I don’t think about her but this post kind of resonated with me in concurrence with accepting/forgiving a cheater. I’m engaged now with someone I’ve been dating for 5 years, she stayed with me through a deployment and I never have had that bad gut feeling that she’d do anything behind my back— that’s how I know who I’m with is the one in my life. It took a lot of heartache and hardship, but it taught me that cheaters are narcissists and they prey on advantages over their partners— that, or they’re in an abusive relationship. I don’t know. What I do know is that it broke me spiritually in a way I couldn’t imagine. Being cheated on at the time when I was with my ex, it felt more like a stab at who I WAS as a person rather than who else was with her because I felt inadequate or inadmissible as a partner that couldn’t satisfy or satiate her needs. That’s what I felt like, not betrayal or humiliation, just loneliness. 
  TL:DR
  My ex cheated on me eight times, I told her I forgave her and now I’ve moved on in life and am now engaged with someone I’ve been dating for five years. >
  
  As someone that's cheated in the past, I can't even forgive myself let alone expect anyone else to do that. Personally, I don't think cheating is a forgivable action. >
  
  My husband cheated on me with my sister. Tell me is that something you would forgive? >
  
  Yike!!!! >
  
  “Its a mistake” what your partner walked into a room his pants came loose so he fell with a erect penis into a girl who also tripped because her pants came loose and now he is inside her ? You don’t accidentally cheat period end of story >
  
  After someone cheats and you forgive them, you can never believe anything they say in the future. 
  That's what makes the act so terrible. They are proven to be capable of terrible breaches of trust; what's to stop them from doing it again? >
  
  you've never been cheated on have you?
  So either you have never experienced this terrible thing or you are or may become the cheater. >
  
  Cheating is not a "mistake". A mistake is something you do on accident or without a desire to do so. You don't accidentally or mistakenly cheat. It takes effort, desire, selfishness and a lack of care, love and respect twords your partner to cheat. You want to forgive them for betrayal, sure that's on you. That will always be your choice, but remember it was NEVER a mistake or an accident. >
  
  Mistake is just an error in action, can be caused by carelessness, dumbassery, poor judgment. All traits I'd argue a cheater exhibits. Mistakes can happen by accident or intentionally, that's why it's called a mistake and not an accident. What defines an mistake is that it was an error that you made. >
  
  Yeah..... this is a fantasy! Trust me they are still cheating but are much better at hiding it now. >
  
  Hard no. Could never trust them again nor do they deserve for me to trust them again. 
  I'll give you some credit though - you're definitely in the right sub. >
  
  While I do believe it can be extremely difficult to overcome, I am lucky enough to say that my wife and I were able to do this. She had cheated, we both went to therapy separately as there were issues she needed to work thru before we could work on our marriage and after years of hard work in repairing our relationship, we have done it. I have forgiven her and we are doing great. Yes she did a terrible thing, which she knows, but that doesn't make her a terrible person and I know that.
  I also know I am likely in the minority in that my relationship continued stronger after. But to your original thought, I am also willing to forgive and know that it's possible. >
  
  So..I take it you've cheated, and want to be forgiven? >
  
  I was looking for this comment. Cheaters understand cheaters. >
  
  Or, are justifying/minimizing the offense. >
  
  Look there are mistakes that people cannot and should not come back from. I belive infidelity is one of those. >
  
  As someone who has been cheated on and continued in the relationship, I agree. But it's hard fucking work.
  It has taken serious and deep communication with the explicit choice to be vulnerable again. You have to really show up in every single way for your partner. There's no hiding or opacity but countless lengthy discussions about why this choice (not mistake or accident) was made and future steps for a healthy relationship. 
  Many can disagree or assume the cheating continued (better hidden), but truthfully, that hasnt been my experience. And I don't believe making 1 choice means you will continually and consistently make the same decision over and over (i.e., "once a cheater always a cheater"). >
  
  Years before my wife and I got married she cheated on me. Hurt me real bad. But I’m not a terrible person and I believe in a second chance. We’ve been together 10 years in total now and it hasn’t happen since then. I think some people can change. >
  
  That you know of >
  
  Trust me I know 😂😂 >
  
  When I've been cheated on I took it as "I don't want to be exclusive with you, and therefore the relationship is over", and acted accordingly >
  
  You’ll just get cheated on again >
  
  That’s great for you! I think it’s up to each of us to decide what’s acceptable and what’s not. I’ve know people who’ve cheated, stayed together, and been happy, and I’ve also know plenty who were deeply unhappy. If you decide that you can forgive and move on, and you’re truly happy, then more power to ya. I just don’t think it’s a generalization you can make for everyone else >
  
  It really depends on circumstances. If it’s somebody I had a family with and it was a one-time cry for help for someone that feels completely trapped in life and adultery is an alternative to suicide or a substance addiction, then with time I could forgive. It’d be a long journey back to trust afterwards though >
  
  I can think of mitigating circumstances that may not be like to be reproduced.  You were travelling for work for a year, you were in jail, you were in a coma, but if it's just because your partner is high in trait "openness to new experiences" and has poor impulse control, then it's going to happen again and you are better off either ending or changing the parameters of your relationship. >
  
  Well I will forgive a cheater, but that doesn’t mean I will give that person a second chance with me. To me forgiveness doesn’t mean to repair the relationship, you can forgive and move on, cut them out of your life. >
  
  Have you been cheated on before OP, or is this purely theoretical? >
  
  Op is young >
  
  Do you wanna watch? >
  
  i thought the same thing til it happened to me now i wanna see her world burn. >
  
  Doesn't matter even if you have a family. It's game over. I don't understand the do it for the kids people. They see everything and aren't stupid. You're setting yourself and them up for failure. They will see it and think it's normal. >
  
  An relationship when someone is cheating cannot be good or healthy >
  
  If they cheat, it's over. No exceptions. >
  
  Once a cheater, always a cheater. >
  
  They always do it again, the only thing that keeps any of us from doing things we shouldn’t is consequences whether those be physical or mental, without them nothing to stop us repeating the same bad behaviour. >
  
  Cheating isn't a mistake it's a series of choices you make that even allowed the "temptation" into your life in the first place. >
  
  Cheating isn't a mistake. It's a number of incorrect choices that totally disrespect your partner. >
  
  If you forgive a cheater, they always do it again. Never seen an exception . >
  
  When a partner cheats on you, forgive them, come back to us and let us know how it goes :) >
  
  Not even a hot take, just a fucking stupid one >
  
  forgive? Yes. but trust again? no. and that's the problem in relationship. >
  
  Yeah….no. 
  Let’s say you forgive them and all is good. Say the don’t even cheat again - it’s still proof that if the circumstances align they have self-control issues OR somehow justify periodic shitty behavior. Not worth it to get another “surprise” one day. If it’s not cheating again, it’s something else. 
  Also, cheating isn’t a momentary thing like getting angry and punching someone at a bar or something - it takes time. There’s a whole fucking giant amount time it takes to do that. At any point they could have stopped but kept going. 
  I don’t know a single person that has cheated on their partner that didn’t eventually do it again. >
  
  OP has never been cheated on. >
  
  Except cheating isn't a mistake, and more times than not a cheater will cheat again. If boundaries were set before and they are broken, it's a breach of trust. >
  
  I agree with op, ppl deserve a chance of forgiveness and change >
  
  Here’s the thing about cheating. Once you do it and get away with it, it’s a lot easier to do it again and again and again. If you get caught and your SO doesn’t leave you, imagine what the cheater thinks “oh wow, I got caught AND nothing happened”. I firmly believe the only reason married couples work out their infidelity issues is purely monetary in nature. If a woman is 100% dependent on her husband and he cheats what is she going to do? If a husband gets cheated on is it really worth the headache of a divorce? >
  
  I feel like 99.999% of people who post opinions like this have never been in a relationship and or never been cheated on. Or they’re just cheaters trying to feel better, who knows. >
  
  I'm detecting a SIMP. >
  
  This reads like it was written by a 12 year old. Put a space after your sentences.
  Kudos for an unpopular opinion even if it is just more of a completely ass take on relationships. Enjoy getting cheated on I guess lmao >
  
  I have the same opinion, and I even know that probably wouldn't be the same if the unfaithfull part is me, but I'm not planing on cheating on my husband and never cheated in a relationship before, the thing is I also think you never know until you are in that position.