comment: >
  
  its cause people constantly undervalue work done by women. you can see this with female dominated professions - teaching, nursing, etc.
  also, people usually dont consider domestic work as actual labor when it clearly is. theres a great book on the subject called “who cooked the last supper?”
context: Not exactly the same, but I work as a housekeeper and gardener. I excelled in school and have a law degree, but physical work soothes my soul in a way that law and similar occupations never would. >
  
  I have worked in I.T for more years than I care to mention. Stick me in the garden to get on with jobs or decorating a room, build a BBQ. I much prefer this it's relaxing and very fulfilling. >
  
  My friend has the same job and same hobbies. I think completing tasks you can't physically see an immediate reward for doesn't hit the same reward centres as the things you describe. Also the work is never done at work, where as physical things have a process to completion with an environment improvement as the goal? >
  
  I couldn't have put it better myself. >
  
  I think that the reason a lot of people warn young girls against aiming to become housewives is because they'll be completely financially dependent on a spouse which means it is extremely difficult to leave them if they are abusive/cheat or find a job if they die/lose their jobs etc. While I agree that being a house wife/husband is really underappreciated, it's really hard to get a high-paying job with such a large employment gap, most employers don't value the skills that house-spouses have. Even in the best relationships, unbalanced financial power can still cause issues. But I agree, housewives/husbands are just as crucial as working wives/husbands but it's also important that the the stay-at-home spouse has a way out/employable skill. >
  
  Not only if they divorce, but if the spouse dies…. >
  
  Eh--this happened to my family.  You need to make sure that the working spouse is carrying a life insurance policy.  It will bridge the gap for several years while the other spouse gets on their feet.  I can say as someone that this actually happened to that this is not a reason to be too worried as long as you are able to prepare in this way.  Also get one for the stay at home spouse because if they die you need instant childcare in many cases. >
  
  Not to mention if the other spouse had a decent job and was at all financially responsible they should have a good amount stashed in 401k’s, IRA’s, and savings to pass onto the other spouse. >
  
  decent jobs don't pay enough anymore. you have to be rich to save anything. >
  
  Nawh, im barely 26 and have a solid amount in my 401k with just 2.5 years of 11% contributions+a 4% match. 
  That account alone may be worth like 200k in just 10 years inflation already factored in. That’s a good chunk to allow a potential spouse time and resources to get back on their feet assuming i die early.
  Not even considering my IRA, and cash on hand. >
  
  This is beyond most peoples means in today's economy. >
  
  Not if you have a decent job, which is the kicker my whole post relies on. And by decent i mean high 5 figures-low 6. Trust me i know people making 200k a year. They contribute upwards of 20-30%.
  Either way, About 50 some odd % of the country contributes to a 401k plan and the average out of pocket contribution is 7%, or 11% once a match is considered. It’s more common than you think, and 7-11% is honestly too little as is for a 65 retirement age and isn’t a whole lot. But definitely large enough to leave your spouse with a lot of money if you die young. >
  
  My Mother in Law felt her career was being a housewife/stay-home-mom. 
  When you listen to her talk about it, it clearly was a source of pride and fulfillment. 
  When I tried being a Housewife my home became a prison.
  No one should be forced into being a housewife/husband but there is absolutely nothing wrong with it if they feel fulfilled and/or content. >
  
  Same! I regret being by a full time SAHM. I wish I had at least kept one shift a week/every 2 weeks. I have felt so trapped the last 7 years. I love my kids and husband but I have no clue who I am as a person anymore. I would have done better with a balance of being at home and working. >
  
  I feel that “I have no clue who I am as a person anymore”
  Have you considered a job at a local (or your son’s) school? I know a lot of moms and one dad in a similar situation. Two became cafeteria workers and another a bus driver. Just an idea, hopefully a helpful one :) >
  
  The cafeteria ladies have all been there for decades so barring death, no go there, lol! >
  
  My mom is a housewife and while I never thought of it as shameful..the big issue is that like her, many housewives tend to be financially dependent on their husbands. I just know that if my mom had a job, she would’ve divorced my dad many years ago. My family is considered upper-middle class. Never had to worry about money and we’d go on expensive vacations every year. But money doesn’t always equal happiness. Being a housewife can lead to a very lonely life. Housework and childcare is basically a 24/7 job. Not much time for friends until your kids go off to college. My mom doesn’t have much friends and relies on my dad or me and my sis to spend a lot time with her. She relieves her stress through shopping but that’s really a short moment of happiness. >
  
  Being financially dependent on someone else, especially as an adult, is always a risk. I know alimony exists but I've seen people whine about that too. It's also not easy to join the workforce again after leaving your job for an extended period of time. And your spouse can die too and you'll be left to support yourself and your family on your own. 
  And if I earn my own money, I can choose a partner I genuinely like rather than going for a rich man who earns enough to support our whole family on a single income. >
  
  
  And your spouse can die too and you'll be left to support yourself and your family on your own.
  
  if you have a family to support you're likely grappling with childcare costs which might end up being too expensive to handle, making it more cost-effective to just be a stay at home spouse >
  
  Childcare isn't that expensive where I live. Cost of living such as rent, good schools etc is significantly more expensive than childcare.
  And there's a difference between having a job and a career. You can progress significantly with a career as and when kids grow up and save more money for college or just earn more in general in the future. However if it's a just a low paying job like retail or something (?) then yeah makes sense to leave. >
  
  
  Childcare isn't that expensive where I live.
  
  all I gotta say is... must be nice lol >
  
  I’m a trophy husband! Divorced so really bad at my job though >
  
  I hate that people think being a house wife/husband is just sitting on your ass all day after doing a couple chores, they deserve as much respect as everyone else. That said I wouldn't willingly be one. I feel like not enough people acknowledge that choosing to be in a situation where you rely on some else's income is a risk. Nobody expects their SO to cheat or become abusive but it's always a real possibility and if you have no job experience or college education from before you became a house spouse it's going to be very difficult to leave especially if you have kids. This is why I don't think being a housewife or house husband should be shamed or praised because you're putting yourself at risk and you have no money that you made yourself. I think one of the reasons divorce has gone up and is initiated by women more is because these days more women have an actual income and can leave when they need/want to. >
  
  It's totally ok if it's what the person actually wants to do, it's only a problem if they are pushed/forced into it by their partner or societal expectations. >
  
  Adult not having their own money, has nowhere to go if marriage doesn’t work. Living on one income is miserable if other partner is not a top earner.  It’s a way to abuse. The only thing I understand is when stay at home spayed has their own investment account with each month regular amount being put there as salary/pension plan. Also amount of money for escape strategy. Taking into account that if divorce happens they will not be able to find descent job with this hole in experience or education. I don’t want to be that miserable.
  And family of 4 with 1 breadwinner is extremely risky unstable structure. So much pressure on breadwinner >
  
  But.. in theory, that breadwinner doesn’t need to lift a finger at home. So less pressure? >
  
  Why do people think like this though? Raising a family/running a household is a 24/7 job. Why should the stay at home partner work days, evenings, nights and weekends while the breadwinner only puts in 40 hours a week? >
  
  Being a housewife is a lot of work, especially if you have kids. That shit might even be more difficult than being some “girl boss ceo” because it’s literally a full time job- you don’t just go home because when you’re a housewife your home is your job. 
  They should be given more credit >
  
  I would say "only" if you have kids, if there's no kids, stay at home wife/husband would be piss easy and only fair if it is with the full agreement of the spouse. >
  
  Well yeah it depends on what everyone mutually agreed to do. And the size of the household. Maybe location. Lots of factors. But sometimes being a part of a company can be extremely easy. So yeah, many factors >
  
  Is it? Running a household is a full time job, more so if you have kids. If I'm ever in a position where my partner earns enough for the household, and it's needed, I'd be down for it. Especially if there's kids involved. My career interest can even be done at home largely. >
  
  Being a housewife is not nearly as shameful as being a househusband, by orders of magnitude. >
  
  Which it shouldn’t be but I see what you’re saying. >
  
  House husbands are very much appreciated >
  
  My wife is a housewife. She works very hard to keep our house in order, care for our two babies, and make sure I’m taken care of as well. I’m a corporate attorney and provide for us financially 100%, but she is very much an equal partner. 
  For example: after my shower and getting dressed for work this morning I came out to see her filling out medical forms for our sons with one on her lap and my lunch and breakfast (plus a snack) and coffee for the day were already prepared on the counter. 
  She’s caring for twins all day after being up with them most of the night and keeping our house clean, the laundry done, etc. etc. She’s a rockstar and anyone who says housewives are lazy have no clue what they’re talking about. >
  
  Ikr?! There is a lot of work, organization, daily tasks, accounting, and mental resilience that goes along with being a good homemaker in a family. >
  
  If someone can afford to stay home sure do it. But if you have to depend on the government money, go to work. >
  
  Being able to be financially independent is a good thing regardless if divorce or death ends the marriage. It’s extremely hard for someone to get back into the workforce after being out of it for an extended period of time. It also helps keep the financial power in the relationship more balanced. >
  
  I’m on leave right now with my 5 mth old son, can confirm that stay at home parent is the most difficult job I have ever done and I have a very demanding career. Major props to all the stay at home parents out there! >
  
  It's weird to me that society wants to shame the people who get to chill around the house all day. Sounds like pure jealousy to me. >
  
  Taking care of kids and a household is not chilling all day. It’s that mentality that takes away the credibility of the work. >
  
  i think feeling the need to define it as work is just vanity, i think most parents would rather be at home raising their child than be at work. SAH is easily the more enviable position. >
  
  Have you done it though? The hours blur together, you have not a second to yourself, not even to get clean. There’s very little adult company to trade thoughts with. You survive from tantrum to nap time to when your partner gets home. If you get some energy when the baby or toddler is asleep you may get something cleaned. But more often you’re exhausted and getting sleep yourself or finally having a poo. If the child is older you’re always making and remaking snacks and meals and arguing and entertaining and wondering if it’s been too much screen time. Your weight creeps up because you finish all of their uneaten meals and they cried the last few walks you tried to do. The house is a mess, and you can’t find it in yourself to care because you are so tired and overwhelmed and then partner comes home and no you don’t get a break because they’ve been working all day too and now you have to work together to make dinner appear. I’m telling you that first walk out of the daycare of the first day after all of that… priceless!
  Sitting at a desk all day with a nice structured lunch time and a walk and some chit chat is MUCH less work. Not to mentioned feeling fulfilled to be accomplishing something and contributing and not just someone’s mommy. I love my kids but it’s too much for all of us to be home together all day everyday. They need exposure to other people and kids too. >
  
  Idk why you’re getting downvoted for just sharing your experience, but thank you for giving your honest contribution to this discussion!
  I’ve been married for 6 years and will not go into motherhood lightly because of all the things you mentioned. Children are very difficult to be around 24/7. Pile all the housework, groceries, cooking, cleaning, etc….SAH parents work hard for little reward, and society still looks down on them. Raising children is a very important contribution to society.
  I hope you are doing well and if you’re still raising kids, that you find some time for yourself today :) >
  
  Yah, those groups are all the same, freedom and bs unless your freedom doesn’t align with their agenda. My gf actually likes staying at home and having much more free time since we moved together, now she goes to the gym, started the courses she has been pursuing for years… >
  
  Emancipation isn't just about women fulfilling traditional male roles, it's about having the freedom to choose your own path as a woman. That includes a path as a housewife.
  Individual freedom means that you can take your own decisions, but also that you're responsible for them. You want a career? Go for it! You want to stay at home and raise your kids instead of outsourcing them do a daycare? Go for it! Do what you want to do, as long as you don't harm others or infringe their own individual freedoms in the process. >
  
  You're right. The problem happens though when you don't work for years, your husband (or wife) leaves you and you have nothing. You have no job, no work experience, just alimony (and that's not always a case). It's very risky to be a housespouse. Everyone makes their choice but damn, it's risky as hell. I know that people believe in love and that's great but nowadays around 50% of married couples get divorced. >
  
  with the exception of special needs and suprise triplets i feel like choosing to be a SAH after the kid goes to school is a very telling personal choice, it says i wish to be taken care of. Plenty of households where both parents work, keep thier house in order and find time to raise their children well. >
  
  Idk, I am a man. It would be a dream come true if I could devote all my time and energy solely to being with my family at home. It is so sad that people feel shameful of such a blessing. >
  
  It's not the shame, its the risk that most people don't want. Being totally dependent on someone to feed you and not having savings of your own in case things go south is not smart. >
  
  If the woman wants divorce she can get like half everything the husband owns without lifting a finger. Yet men still take that risk of losing what they've collected and get married. I don't think what you said rely means too much. >
  
  In how many countries is that true hun? It isn't that way in most countries. There's a whole world outside of your country.
  The post didn't ask about a specific country, so you can't refute my answer with specifics about your country.
  Also, if you were a house husband, you would get half in your country as well. So why did you make this about gender? >
  
  I am glad you brought this up. As I work with international people, Europeans and Americans, who have the most "equal rights" in marriage contracts are the ones who are the most depressed, divorced, and the ones who criticize stay at home parents the most. >
  
  Most people want more time with their families, especially parents.
  We should be encouraging it and promoting it, not sidestepping it because work. >
  
  because *of work