comment: >
  
  I voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. 
  My bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment.  I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances.  He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. 
  I kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.
  Don't be an asshole to your own children.
context: My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.
  Every 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.
  I promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.
  I've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.
  Edit:
  Shoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.
  Thank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. 
  Please, everyone, hug your kids and just love them. >
  
  Hey, I am sorry that happened to you, nobody deserves shit like that. >
  
  Thank you. That's just been my life. A roller coaster of fucked up situations. 
  I really need to talk to the developer and request "easy mode". 😂
  Hoping my dreams will come true soon. 🤞 >
  
  Seeing as real life is a soulsike, I don't think we'll ever get the easy mode. >
  
  Real life is a ?  Is that a typo? >
  
  Soulslike as in games like Dark Souls and similar ones. Games that are infamous for being pretty difficult without any difficulty settings. >
  
  I can't necessarily reset this one 
  I forgot to go to the save point 😂 >
  
  It happened to my wife.  When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up.  It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children >
  
  This seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way. >
  
  I can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates. >
  
  I always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own >
  
  Exactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people. >
  
  Which is the standard in the us >
  
  at 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf >
  
  Yeah Aussie here born in 2004 and majority of people I know including me had jobs at around 14 years old. Usually 3-4 nights a week after school. >
  
  That's fucked up. Kids shouldn't have jobs >
  
  Kids should remain at home but it's not too bad for a kid to save up a little bit (provided that they're at least 16). So long as the job has reasonable hours and it's not affecting your studies >
  
  Why provided that they're 16? Why is that your arbitrary cut-off? >
  
  I’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave. >
  
  Same here. I also want my home environment to be one that my child can feel comfortable and safe to stay in if they need to, not to be made to feel like they’re an inconvenience as I was. >
  
  That’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. 
  Well that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now >
  
  My mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway... >
  
  I moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. 
  I worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. 
  That said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or "things."
  I had simple pleasures, but my own small space. 
  This was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that. >
  
  It's all perspectives, in my country spending time with ur loved ones is considered very valuable and cherished, we spend a lot of our lives with the our family, generational homes are very common, "having freedom" as u put it isn't high on the list as most people life for others.
  Some people like being surrounded by family. >
  
  I've experienced both sides of this cultural difference and I'd say while close-knit families can be great, it's also a double edged sword. The cultures that this is the norm can be quite controlling of their children, especially the girls. There can be a lot more scrutiny in career, dating and lifestyle choices and much less financial independence. >
  
  yea both have their pros and cons, but the "American" system makes u narcissist and self-centred imo. >
  
  Self centered maybe, but narcissism is something completely different and absolutely crosses that particular cultural divide. >
  
  It’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over. >
  
  No one makes the National minimum wage. It would be easier to get a $20 an hour job than a job that pays the minimum wage.  I live in one of the lowest cost of living areas & have not seen a job that pays minimum wage in 5+ years. >
  
  keep in mind though that these numbers include tipped workers so numbers are pretty skewed. >
  
  Well as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do. >
  
  It’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. 
  The rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out. >
  
  What's the difference between moving out at 18 or 30, it's the same in my opinion, why don't westernes have the concept of generational housing?
  My grandma purchased a house and we all live in the same house on different floors. >
  
  Cause Westerners aren’t poor can can afford to leave >
  
  apparently not going by Reddit. >
  
  It’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand. >
  
  Told my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload. >
  
  I think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan. >
  
  Any culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too! >
  
  Canadian here, and I know one person who got kicked out at 18 (his parents got him apartment listings for his bday).  Honestly he was a bit of a prick, he was a friend of mine but he was always mouthy and self-righteous so I imagine he wasn't exactly easy to live with.  I never met his parents so I have no idea what they were like but I imagine they weren't very nice either >
  
  At least they provide him with a place to live. >
  
  My uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon >
  
  My ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like "uh no" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. 
  We have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young. >
  
  Your husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described. >
  
  Exactly. But they expect us to do the same and that is just not who we are as parents. His parents were absent parents. We aren't. >
  
  My daughters and nieces will never not have a room and food as long as I’m on this earth. M
  I agree OP. And if you can, stay with your parents as long as you can. Stack your money and when you’re ready to leave the nest, be secure! 
  If my children were ashamed to come back home, I would be ashamed I made it so that they ever thought way.
  But for me? My dad was an abusive piece of shit. I literally went to war to get out. And my wife went to boarding school at 14 and never went back home. >
  
  Sometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier. >
  
  With the rising view of "you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age >
  
  I can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.
  Kicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.
  Each and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not. >
  
  That's a really good perspective to have. The biggest problem I have with the two extremes, aside from them being extremes, is that they leave no room for exceptions >
  
  Kicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.
  No fucking way I'm doing that to my kids. >
  
  Same. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one. >
  
  I got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.