comment: >
  
  I’m confused. I spend more time cleaning cuz the persons opinion matters more? Or less time cleaning cuz friend is like family and everyone is super comfortable?
context: This is a friendly reminder to read our rules.
  Remember, /r/Showerthoughts is for showerthoughts, not "thoughts had in the shower!"
  (For an explanation of what a "showerthought" is, please read this page.)
  Rule-breaking posts may result in bans. >
  
  I cleaned my house before I got my cat because I wanted to make a good first impression. >
  
  First impressions matter >
  
  Furst impressions matter >
  
  Did they get rid of free awards? You needs one. >
  
  hold my beer >
  
  Well Mr bacon burger here is awesome. The username does check out, >
  
  I like to invite a buddy over for beers so I have someone to chat with while I tackle my dish mountain. Way better than doing them alone. >
  
  This is called "body doubling" in the ADHD world, it's a very effective tool for getting chores done. I have 1 friend who's allowed to see my messy house and it'll get pretty clean by time she leaves.
  Edit: people in general can benefit from this, it's just particularly useful for those who struggle to do  chores/other tasks for whatever reason >
  
  Is this why I study/work wayyy more efficiently when I'm around other people? I wish I learned this term years ago >
  
  The simple way I understand my ADHD & GAD is the Buddhist term “Monkey Mind.” I have an overactive one, so some type of stimulation to keep me present, helps the other part of my brain focus. In school I always could listen better if I was doodling. >
  
  I too could listen better if I was doodling. Teachers never understood that and forced me to sit straight and stare at the board. 
  Now I have a office job and during meetings I still doodle the fuck out of things. I don't even care what somebody thinks of me anymore. They may fire me one day soon. I'm already mentally prepared for it. Maybe I'll sue them for discriminating me for my ADD or something. 
  Fuck people. >
  
  I’ve become over time what I think of as a “functioning” person. Instead of doodling which can be distracting for others I have this set of magnets that I can constantly flip inside and out in different ways, I highly recommend giving them a try. Anything small that’s not distracting to others, doesn’t need to be looked at while using, and can be kept in your hand/pocket is helpful. >
  
  Do they make noise when you move them? As someone with misophonia and anxiety repetitive noises can be incredibly distracting.
  Schools used to give each student a peppermint before standardized tests because it was supposed to boost concentration or something. So people like me spent the first 15-20 minutes of the test working so hard to block out all of the mouth noises cause by a room full of just slurping on a peppermint that we were already mentally exhausted before we really got started. Then there were of course the couple that saved it and started slurping and hour in. 
  Then the fidget tools became popular and the constant clicking, whooshing, tapping, clanking, etc. made it impossible to focus. 
  So, I ask if they are quiet because I’d like to have an option to share with people when the situation arises. Cheers. >
  
  They sort of depend on how the person uses them. They do have the potential for making noise, but only if they click together quickly. If you don’t want them to make noise, they won’t, but it’s totally up to how the user plays with them. >
  
  I don't know about anybody else but I keep my place clean to help stave off the looming depression...A clean environment to chill in is really nice. >
  
  My depression keeps me from cleaning >
  
  Can you smoke weed? That helps me. >
  
  I don’t like smoking anything.  I’d love some weed I didn’t have to smoke >
  
  Get edibles? >
  
  I’ve tried some chocolates and noticed nothing >
  
  That's unusual, whether you like them or not you should notice something. >
  
  It's actually not super uncommon. Quite a few people lack the enzyme to digest THC properly, first time I got my best friend high I gave him about 30mg of edibles and he didn't feel a thing. >
  
  You gave someone 30mg of edibles for their first time getting high? >
  
  Sorry I should have been more specific. We started with 5mg, then after a few hours we started building from there. It was around 30mg in total. >
  
  It’s easier to keep the house straightened/tidied. If friends are coming over, clean anything that stands out as being dirty. If they’re coming over on short or no notice, they’ll have to overlook uncleanliness. At least that’s my policy. (My rather spontaneous-minded friends show up on short notice at least once a week). >
  
  Dude this is something I wish my wife would understand and implement. She's a major scatterbug, in that all her shit is scattered everywhere all the time, whereas I tend to keep my stuff in somewhat designated piles. Every time there's even a notion of people coming over, she goes into frenzy cleaning and drags me along. I keep trying to hammer into her that if she'd just keep her shit picked up as she went along, we wouldn't have the stress and headaches of frantically picking up the house last minute. She's getting better about it, but god damn woman lol.
  For the record, I love the fuck outta my wife, even if she is a nut job from Mars. >
  
  We might be married to the same woman. >
  
  My wife apparently has a lot of spouses. >
  
  They're onto me >
  
  Trying to avoid this woman is the plague >
  
  I think the real gauge is how clean your house is AFTER they leave. The real homies help clean up and keep the place clean. >
  
  I disagree. Not because real homies don’t clean, but because regular nice people ALSO help clean. 
  I’ve organized many parties where guests I don’t even know would insist on helping with the dishes, putting stuff away. Hell, I’ve had people vacuum. 
  My super close friends by contrast are passed out drunk on the couch, cause they know my house is 100% safe. >
  
  Nah my homies will do that but then clean up in the morning with me.  Don’t even ask they just do. >
  
  How it should be, if they don't they are not your hommie. >
  
  The more important someone is, the more I want them to feel comfortable because the environment is clean. 
  Sometimes I go to someone's house and it feels like there is no space for me and I'm afraid to touch things because everything is dirty. I don't want my friends to feel that way. 
  I might be a cultural thing, but in my family it shows you are so important to me that I cleaned everything up for you. >
  
  On the flip side, if the reason you haven't invited me over to hang out is because you haven't had the time or energy to clean, F-it - it's more important we hang out. >
  
  Or if you need help cleaning, i will come help! No judgement. Sometimes mental illness gets in the way and i get it. >
  
  There’s an old saying, the people that matter don’t mind and the people that mind don’t matter. 
  Personally I like to keep my house in a stated of lived in, there may be dishes on the sink but there won’t be sticky stuff on floor. >
  
  It’s not that they’ll mind, it’s that I’ll mind. 
  Edit: based on the responses I imagine many of your lives are absolutely ideal and also that many of you are highly delusional >
  
  Out of curiosity, what specifically will you mind? I had a roommate that felt bad about not having the place spotless for when I came back from vacation/time away, and that felt odd to me because they live there. >
  
  Well it’s gonna make me a little uncomfortable if someone comes over and there’s dirty dishs everywhere, mud all over the floor, pee all over the toilet, etc. Especially if there’s not even a place to sit. It’s almost like inviting someone over for dinner and giving them a cup noodle, wouldn’t you be a little embarrassed? >
  
  Well it would make me uncomfortable to be living in a place like that so it wouldn’t happen. I’m talking about whether there’s dishes on the sink etc. >
  
  Ya me too my house is permanently spotless >
  
  I clean my place before my friends come over because I respect them.
  Who wants to hang out at a dirty place? >
  
  Cockroaches >
  
  Oh there'll be roaches, just not the skittering kind. >
  
  I feel like this could be interpreted in two ways. 
  Either your friends don't care about any mess and you're tight.
  Or you care enough to clean the place to give your friends a clean and more chill place to chill at, on a chill night while it's chilly out.
  Edited: typo >
  
  Yeah I felt like the intention of this post is more the opposite of how most people are taking it. Because if you’re incredibly good friends with someone, you aren’t worried about appearances the way you would be with someone who you aren’t as close with. They already know who you are and you wouldn’t feel self conscious about your home being slightly messy >
  
  At the same time, I want to create a nice space for my friends to hangout. Having it dirty can potentially put a damper on things >
  
  Or you can have friends that helps you clean up your place because you have the largest place with the most parking. >
  
  I’m a person with depression and naturally I have friends with depression. Sometimes I’ll go over or have friends over just so we can help clean up each other’s depression nests before we can chill and hangout >
  
  It's great that you have people you can ask for that kind of support. I've also learnt to do that and to ask friends to organise that we go for coffee or breakfast over weekends so I have a reason to get up and going. It really works. >
  
  Right! And the way I learnt to ask for help was kinda funny actually. I was 14 and already struggling with depression but I hadn’t been diagnosed so I was a mess in school and everywhere. My classmate who sat beside me saw how messy my bag and file was and she was like ‘oh my god what’s up with ur bag?’. At first I was kinda ashamed cos this classmate was an all-rounder, straight As, president of student council, the whole nine yards and I thought she was judging me. Turns out, she was genuinely concerned and much to my protests, she helped arrange my bag and files. I wish the best for her always. >
  
  That was great of her. Especially since she was also just a teenager. I was that straight A overachiever until I hit second year university and the bipolar hit me hard. I didn't have any support at the time. Fortunately over the years I found good doctors and good people to surround myself with and I kinda bounced back. Could still have done better for myself had I know who to ask etc earlier, but I guess it is what it is. I'm ok now and that's most important. >
  
  I use the incoming visit as motivation to start tidying up. I'm known to be untidy due to ADHD, but I've really been trying. >
  
  I clean my house because I respect my friends and want them to have a good time in a clean environment. No one wants to party in a dump. >
  
  I realised it’s not about how relationships are, it’s my own anxiety.
  It has not been an easy ride, but one day I decided to practice and stop deep cleaning just because people are coming over. I can do some basic tidy up to provide sitting space, safe walking space,snacks & beverage, reasonably clean wash room. That’s it! I will do the rest whenever I feel like, not whenever people are about to come over.
  Growing up raised by emotional immature parents, I became a people pleaser, over thinker, surviving on walking around eggshells.
  After I left home to study & work, and sought professional help surrounding mental health…I learned to own a voice with respect, learn to create & protecting my own boundaries without being rude. People who choose to judge without being constructive & respect, continue to not communicate their feelings after my rejections, and continue to choose a narrative that doesn’t fit reality & truth, then they aren’t meant to be in my life. >
  
  If you have to clean it they judge you too much and aren’t good friends, or you clean to please them because they are good friends? >
  
  For me it’s the latter. I used to not care but then my MIL said something that’s stuck with me ever since. She said a clean house is a sign of consideration for your friends, and a way to show them you care about their comfort. So now I clean even or especially for my close friends. >
  
  Yeah. I hate being invited to sit on crumbs and have my socks get stuck on sticky sauce on the floor. It's not that I will look down on them, but feels kind of mistreated. When they have infants and toddlers, it's a different story because I'm there to clean the shit out for them. >
  
  So what you're saying is rent an infant or toddler for when people come over so I don't have to clean? >
  
  I'll lease you mine for $30 an hour. I'm paying you, of course. Do you know CPR? >
  
  Yeah, of course I know CPR, who doesn't? But just so we're clear, what do you mean by CPR? >
  
  You know what? Doesn't matter. I'll be back in 4 hours. >
  
  I wish my wife felt this way. No matter who comes over she gets manic and cleans like crazy. Even friends who’s houses are messy come to visit she’s gotta clean like we’re about to perform surgery. >
  
  I’m like this, but really I just like a clean place and it’s an excuse. The best case scenario is a friend canceling after I’ve cleaned and I can just enjoy my extra clean space. >
  
  Hit me right in the feels >
  
  My cleaning hack is if you see it, do it, right then. But ONLY do that one task (unless you have the time, energy, and inclination to do more, that is)
  Examples:
  Step out the shower and notice the bathroom window sill is dusty? Wipe it down there and then. Don't worry if the rest of the bathroom is also overdue for doing
  Grab the toaster out the cupboard and notice crumbs on the shelf? Wipe that shelf down there and then. It doesn't matter if the rest of the pantry is also overdue for sorting out and cleaning
  Taking food out the microwave and notice the outside is covered in greasy fingerprints? Wipe down the door, don't stress that the inside also needs doing.
  I find this helps by getting around your depression or chronic illness by just doing something. You get to feel better right away. Maybe you'll feel inspired to do more. Maybe not. And that's okay too.
  It also lets you give yourself permission to halfass things rather than get so overwhelmed by the size of the job that you don't start at all.
  [Bonus tip, I also keep a dust buster on the kitchen counter (out of sight, out of mind) so I can grab it and quickly suck up that dust bunny, or breadcrumbs on the floor etc, without having to stress about dragging the vacuum out, and then feeling obligated to vacuum the whole house] >
  
  Clearly my mom doesn’t think our own family are close enough to leave any sort of mess around. >
  
  My mom has to find weird angles to take picture of food to send to my grandparents because "they'll fuss if they see the mess." >
  
  It's a bell curve. Don't care about them, don't clean for them. Care about them and what they think, clean for them. Love them and willing to open up my true self, don't clean for them. >
  
  Are bugs friends? 
  Lol jk, I try to maintain some clean just so I can make myself sit down and stop doing chores and if someone needs to poo I don't want them to feel gross in my bathroom etc. 
  But no one comes here anyway so it really doesn't matter.. my only friends that have stopped by are confused when I apologize for the mess and I realize it's not so bad after all when I look around. I don't think it's clean but they seem to lol >
  
  Every time my best friend is coming over I make sure I cleanup the house because I respect him.
  I don't think just because the friendship is close it means that you can invite people over to a dirty house. >
  
  There is an inverted bell curve for me.
  Clean it well for newer friends. Don't care too much for people I have known a bit. But my oldest and dearest friends I want it clean for them.
  No logic or reason. >
  
  “I am here to visit you, not see your house” my standard response to awkward home situations. >
  
  I always clean my house when guests come over. I don't like going to somebody's house and it smells like garbage or there's stuff everywhere / on things. Not disgusted by it or anything, but it's just a bad sight to see. Figure it might effect other people so I clean the place up as well. >
  
  We must be awfully close then; not my house because I live with my parents,  but my room is always a mess when my best friend is around. Even early on in our friendship >
  
  I am a horrible housekeeper. I put it off way too long. My sister is coming tomorrow to replace my brake pads. Kitchen, bath and living rooms are now clean after a 2 day blitz. I'm exhausted.  
  It's not that I want to make the place clean for her, she's just so fucking judgey. >
  
  I have one friend who I let see my house when it’s messy. Unfortunately, she and I have really drifted apart over the last year. Pretty sure I honestly just don’t have any close friends any more. :( >
  
  if you need to clean way too much then you aint that close..
  my best friend (RIP) and I comes and goes each other's house anytime, any day.. no need to clean.. >
  
  ITT: unsolicited advice from self-important redditors
  It's a fucking wasteland in here, if you're reading this get out while you can >
  
  A friend will bail you out of jail. A real friend will help you bury the body. >
  
  If it doesn't need to be clean for your real good friends, than sure. >
  
  I would say the real gauge is how long before you can't wait for them to leave.... >
  
  And how long you can comfortably sit in silence, or not speak for months or years and then be absolutely normal when you meet up (apart from any initial hugs and tears of joy) >
  
  Unpopular opinion, but i always clean up before even having my best friends over. I wouldn’t feel comfortable having anyone in my home (even like a maintenance man) if there was stuff, dirty dishes, clothes, everywhere. >
  
  My house is a mess, but nothing is actually dirty, just messy.
  But it still took me a while to let my mum into my house. >
  
  And how much of a jerk someone based on how bad they make you feel about it >
  
  Yeah I don't care and the people I relate with don't either.  It depends how you grew up and not one way is the right way or a gauge of friendship. >
  
  Cleaning your house is a matter of self respect, not friendship. 
  People who have high self respect, will clean regardless. People who have none, they will leave in mess regardless who comes. 
  People who clean only in specific cases -> they don't want to lose respect from those visitors. >
  
  I have so much self respect I don’t need something as arbitrary and external as the “cleanliness of my house” to validate my own self respect >
  
  That is not what self respect means. Self respect is a result of honouring yourself (a.k.a self care). 
  Imagine you go to someone’s house and you find a complete dump with human excrements sitting on their chair. Would you not lose respect for that person? (assuming he is in his/her physical capability to clean). 
  Self respect is not a mindset. It is the result of your actions. >
  
  I’m surprised people are downvoting you so much. What you’re saying is true from a psychological perspective. There are even therapeutic interventions for depression that encourage taking small actions that will result in higher self esteem over time. It’s not like you’re blaming people for having depression. You’re just stating a fact that a clean, safe environment is a good indicator of self respect. It’s also fair to say that people with depression struggle with self esteem which can make self care harder to do. >
  
  From what I have seen, a lot of people do not differentiate between self respect, self esteem, self worth and confidence. If you put all of them in the same bag, you will get mixed reactions. 
  Everyone can pick a psychiatry book or simply google side effects of low self respect. The downvote is not due to rational reasons (there aren’t any real arguments against it); it is an emotional response (people feel attacked and don’t self reflect well). To be fair, it does not make the downvoting less valid. Reason does does not always trump emotions. But in this case, it seems to be a natural reaction of a depressed person (which Reddit has plenty off). >
  
  Damn, I guess im best friends with everyone. I don't clean my house for anyone >
  
  How filthy do you animals let your homes get? Do the dishes at the end of the day. Put your laundry in a bin. Take out the trash when the can is full. Change your sheets every week. >
  
  Dude I’m fucking tired >
  
  I don't know what your schedule is like but I take a few hours on my day off to do basic tidying up. A little bit makes a big difference over time. >
  
  The real gauge of friendship is how much time they wait after your father’s funeral to bang your mom >
  
  Exactly my thoughts. Without even having to ask, mine will help me get things back to how clean it was before they came. >
  
  My Platonic Life Partner has come to pet sit when our Apt was a biohazard.  I feel this statement in my bones. >
  
  My husband's best friend popped in all the time and often picked up the broom or started wiping down surfaces without being asked. Miss having him around >
  
  My friends tidy my house while they are here. I have young kids, they are mostly childfree.
  They are awesome >
  
  In that case, anyone can be my friend, any time.
  (my house is a mess constantly) >
  
  well im either bffs with every person in existence or mortal enemies..i cant tell which >
  
  I always tidy my house for guests. It’s more for me than them though  I want to enjoy chilling without having nagging thoughts about my house being a mess . >
  
  Seeing most comments I realise I'm different - I don't bother if I barely know someone because I don't care, for close friends though I clean and make sure everything feels nice and I have something surprisingly good to offer etc >
  
  Clean before my firiends come over? For whatever what for? If we aint having a party they're dealing with it 😅 but for serious I'm finally coming through a severe depression and my apartment was definitely a physical manifestation of my mental illness. They supported me through the entire thing 🥺 >
  
  Was a messy for a while. Still had a bunch of friends come over as long as it wasn’t smelly. Love that I know I have these friends >
  
  I’m confused. I spend more time cleaning cuz the persons opinion matters more? Or less time cleaning cuz friend is like family and everyone is super comfortable? >
  
  Just so we're clear...the messier your house can be before the friend comes over, the better the friendship, because that means you don't need to make a good impression, they know you well enough.
  Now of course overall it's better to keep your place tidy and clean, and nobody likes to step in a filthy place. But once basic hygiene is reached, if there's a T-shirt on the chair, there's a T-shirt on the chair and a good friend won't care. >
  
  No matter how close I am to someone, I'd want my place to be clean and welcoming. >
  
  Correction: "the real gauge of HOW YOU PERCEIVE friendship is how clean your house needs to be before they can come over" >
  
  I always sneak my best friend into my bedroom and it's always messy af. First time it happened he was so relieved that he wasn't the only one with a trashy bedroom LOL >
  
  Nah, the real gauge is WHY you clean up. If you clean up because you want them to feel welcome, or if you feel like you have to clean up to not receive any shit from them. >
  
  That's more of a gauge of how you want to be seen than genuine friendship. I don't care if someone is my best friend or an acquaintance - my house will be clean. >
  
  Alternatively, how much one of you guys can get hurt with the other one still making fun of it. >
  
  Clean for good impression < messy coz they're good friends < clean so they won't get hurt stepping on legos >
  
  Y’know some people just kinda have a clean house all the time. I don’t but I’ve heard tell of these people >
  
  They don’t have pets or kids >
  
  As I've gotten older (36 now), my house is always tidy. The problem is finding that perfect 1 hour slot where you and your friend are both available xD >
  
  i think there needs to be a differentiation between clean and tidy. no matter how good your friendship, someone else's dirt is always gross. >
  
  Hey, need you to come help me clean this place up, got new friends coming over. >
  
  Make friends with good principles, not superficial things you have in common. >
  
  Before my best friend passed away, I used to help her clean up the house, and vice versa >
  
  My sister has a really good saying for this — “if you tidy up before I come, I feel like company. If you don’t, I feel like your sister.”  Works for close, good friends too >
  
  As someone without EFD, I want a sign that says "If you come to see me, come anytime.  If you come to see my house, make an appointment." lol >
  
  My house needs to be clean before anyone comes over. The real gauge is if I change out of my pjs. >
  
  Idgaf, you can get to know me better by seeing my squalor. 
  Unless it's a woman, in which case you could see your reflection on the counters and eat off the floor. >
  
  This is my number one recommendation for making mom-friends. Find one whose house is of similar cleanliness. Then you don’t constantly stress, OR decline visits because you’re not prepared. My mom-bff and I are both adhd moms and appreciate we can make last-minute plans without any pressure on the house. >
  
  Reading this on my cleaning break before friends come over to watch the playoffs. Oh boi >
  
  omg i swear, i had a guy comin over for a date n i cleaned everything spotless 😂friends tho, nah i seen their pigsty >
  
  So true, but I hate having a messy house.  That’s why I never invite anyone over. >
  
  I don’t clean my house before anyone comes over. I keep it the way I like it already, why change my comfort level where I live for other people? >
  
  Meh maybe for some people but this is not a guage for me. Keep the house semi clean all the time. Never totally clean but not a total mess either >
  
  Nah, I hate I’m having a messy/dirty house when I have guests no matter who it is. I get stressed out myself if my space is too messy. >
  
  Get rid of all the clutter on the way. Makes life much easier. >
  
  Does anyone else start cleaning the entire house when they lose anything? Like surely it'll turn up during my cleaning journey, plus the house gets clean. >
  
  I have a slight cleaning OCD. I just keep my place clean always, it makes me feel better about myself and life in general. >
  
  In Italy they say the same about wine. If you're a guest at someone's house and they pour you a glass of wine from a bottle they already opened the day before, you know they must consider you a really close and trusted friend 🙂 >
  
  Any real friends don't care about if your house is messy or not. Either way you should keep your house clean regardless. >
  
  A real friend doesn’t care or judge the cleanliness of your house.
  Especially if you or they are a guy. >
  
  Well I still haven’t cleaned the blood off my wall from 3 years ago, so I’d say pretty good friends. >
  
  Who's blood is it? >
  
  Mine. >
  
  Well that's a relief. >
  
  I wouldn’t let the police in unless my house was spotless. I wouldn’t let my clone in unless my house was spotless. I wouldn’t let a draft in unless my house was spotless. There’s clearly some personal quirks at work here. >
  
  This is an inverse relationship. The less you feel the need to clean prior to them coming the more comfortable you are with them and I assume the opposite as well. >
  
  Actually it's the opposite. You want your house to be clean when you invite random people, because you don't want them to criticize you and also to have a good first impression.
  But when inviting a close friend, it doesn't matter wether you clean or not clean your house because a true friend don't give a fuck about small details. >
  
  people be saying:
  normalize being you and dirty and having no sense of cleanliness, it's the real you 
  bruh >
  
  I was trying to explain this at Christmas this year - if you mother fuckers come to my house, it’s gonna be as clean as I’m comfortable with. You don’t like it? Stay home.
  I’m not a slob by any means, but my mom was cleaning out the pantry, and my cousins were talking about cleaning their *upstairs bathroom - wtf, guys, it’s your house. You live here - it’s gonna be lived in. And for fuck’s sake, don’t clean shit no one’s even going to see! >
  
  I don’t keep friends if they judge me on my cleanliness.. they can either have me as a friend or not. The cleanliness of my house shouldn’t be a factor. >
  
  The real gauge of a relationship is being able to rip a real loud fart with your partner and laugh about it. >
  
  That's more of a gauge of your own neurosis that your friendship >
  
  This is stupid. I let people come over rarely, but the cleanliness of my house is not a factor. My house is probably cleaner than their's. >
  
  I have friends who I have been friends with for 15+ years and there was a time I hated visiting their house because of how cluttered and dirty it was. They had 3 cats and a dog and EVERYTHING was caked in pet hair. There was so much junk they stored on their table we couldn't use it. 
  So no, it doesn't matter how long you have been friends with them. Clean your house before guests come over. >
  
  For planned visits if you don’t have your home clean you are disrespecting your friends >
  
  I don't clean my ass when my bros bend me over l.  Does that mean we're the bestest of friends? >
  
  Username checks out >
  
  No amount of love for my one good friend will let me allow him into my house because my coowner is my brother and he absolutely wrecks the damn place no matter how much cleaning I do. So I got sad and gave up and it went to hell, and I will never get to have a friend over inside my own house >
  
  Neighbors I’m not close with and coworkers and the lot can come to my house when it’s messy. I clean up for the friends who are important to me. >
  
  In the Midwest our moms even clean the inside of the fridge when company comes over. >
  
  I keep my room clean most of the time. Just because it's nice to look at and feels....enlightening? I don't know the word but there's a certain 'fresh' feeling when I look at my clean room. >
  
  I clean my house because I want a comforting warm environment for my friends to visit and I care about them, not because I care about what they think of me >
  
  Needs to be and desires to be are different things. We clean the house before the best friends come over because a clean environment promotes a happier more fun evening. We definitely don't have to clean before they come over. >
  
  Here's a video about my homey. >
  
  I’m obsessively clean so it’s clean regardless who comes over >
  
  True for one on one, but I love having multiple friends over because then it keeps me in check with making sure things are up and ready and really clean. >
  
  Yes, the more your respect your friends, the more cleaning you will do, naturally. >
  
  Man I just finished cleaning my house bc of some friends coming over tomorrow, and was pondering this fact. >
  
  I have ADHD, so that basically means irrespective of whoever is coming, I need to take it as an excuse to put things back in their place. :) >
  
  what if you've never met any of your friends, what's the equivalent for discord friends
  how clean your browser history is before calling? >
  
  When my friends come over I hide in the clothes hamper.   :D >
  
  Not really. Don't care at all unless it's a health risk or gross. Will occasionally extra clean so people don't think im always dirty. It's dirtier with closer friends because more relaxed. >
  
  There's only so much you can do to keep a house clean with a child in the place. >
  
  My friend being over gives me the strength to clean my house and they don't mind. Ultimate friend. >
  
  I don’t feel like I’m good enough friends with anyone to let them in my house. I don’t let my family in my house. Not because it’s dirty or gross or anything. Everything is just really old and second hand and a lot of my stuff is mismatched and kinda broken. No one wants to see this. >
  
  I always clean up a bit before friends come over, because I don't want them to hang out in a dirty mess. They absolutely don't give a shit tho. My one friend is a bit on the messy side and has a dirty room most of the time and doesn't mind invite the boys over, and I also don't care about it. >
  
  The other day I was talking to my mom and she was worrying about how much her friends would care about exposed food storage shelves she has that are out of the way and very practical and not at all an eyesore or anything like that.
  I asked her how much time she spends giving a shit about her own friends' shelves and she said none, but remained wishy washy on her own friends' opinion of totally normal and practical shelving.
  It honestly made me kinda sad. >
  
  A house that looks like it is ready to sell, vs that people actually live here makes me feel like I can't be myself because they're not showing me their genuine self.  Have a few dishes in the sink and some mail on the table >
  
  Tbh I still go way overboard cleaning for my best friend, and we lived together in college. But I have anxiety so that might have something to do with it >
  
  Friends, like fish, have too many bones and should only exist outside of a very clear boundary.
  -Benjamin Franklin >
  
  I just really love cleaning my house, and I get excited having friends over, that clean even more. I just like them being comfortable in a relaxed, tidy environment. I love cleaning, makes me feel good. >
  
  I thought it was how clean you need to be before you come over, as I only shower once a week, or once every two weeks >
  
  No need for needing to be clean if your place is regularly clean and tidy in the first place.
  Also, If you "don't have the time" to clean up your stuff, then don't have the stuff in the first place. Cleaning up the stuff is also part of the "maintenance cost" of owning the stuff. >
  
  Yeah someone I don't talk to anymore made me feel so nervous and then so ashamed of any forgotten thing that I realized we just weren't going to see eye to eye in the end and for my mental health I just slowly cut them off.
  Tbh there was more to it than that, like I wanted to actually figure out what kind of a person I was after suppressing everything all my life and they wanted me to be more ambitious and get a fancy career and do this and that but I knew deep down that was not attainable for me. I needed and still need to just live and figure my mind out.
  My uncle could come over spontaneously and I'd be like 'Yo sup come on in, lol. ' but I've seen the dudes car and room growing up so he ain't got any room to say anything anyways.
  Working through cleaning shame and panic is hard. Anywhere I lived was always messy growing up, and as an adult I got so overwhelmed with all the things needing done I would literally rely on someone coming over so I could panic clean.
  But panic cleaning was stressful and awful, and made me associate cleaning with panic and stress and awfulness even deeper. It's taken me about 15yrs of living on my own to help ease the association of cleaning with shame and panic. Now, if something needs done, it's okay, I don't have to do it. I don't have to berate myself in my head until I'm paralyzed with inaction and neither get anything done nor get to relax.
  I'm just like 'Well okay dishes need doing, but I don't need to do them. Let's instead just grab this plate when we go into the kitchen, cook some food, pick up a little bit on the floor, take a small break, and hey foods almost done let's clean a dish to eat off of and maybe one or two more. ' I just do little chores and bits instead of forcing myself to do entire big tasks, and it helps keep the apartment tidy and clean enough. 
  I'm still working on it because I would like to be able to tackle whole tasks but there's a lot of self gentle parenting involved and I can't just change an entire lifetime of my brain's feelings in half as much time. >
  
  Dude I clean my room when I bring a new plant home. You think I'm gonna invite people over with a messy house??
  Clearly you don't know the extent of my anxiety. >
  
  I totally cleaned my bathroom yesterday because I went in thought fuck what if someone comes over. >
  
  Hell, I love my girlfriend/best friend to death and I still try and have my house super clean before she's over. >
  
  I find it courteous to clean as much as possible before having any guest over but if it's impromptu I'll not apologize for the mess if they're my friends because they dgaf; case in point, wife had surgery and I was busy nursing her back to health for a week and I allowed the house to get cluttered, but I wasn't embarrassed one bit when my best friends wife brought some food over for me and visited with my wife a bit. >
  
  I've always said that there are two kinds of guests. Those that you clean house for before they come over, (to impress) and those that you clean up after they leave. (Because you had fun.)
  I prefer the latter. >
  
  This is a friendly reminder to read our rules.
  Remember, /r/Showerthoughts is for showerthoughts, not "thoughts had in the shower!"
  (For an explanation of what a "showerthought" is, please read this page.)
  Rule-breaking posts may result in bans. >
  
  I cleaned my house before I got my cat because I wanted to make a good first impression. >
  
  First impressions matter >
  
  Furst impressions matter >
  
  Did they get rid of free awards? You needs one. >
  
  hold my beer >
  
  Well Mr bacon burger here is awesome. The username does check out, >
  
  I like to invite a buddy over for beers so I have someone to chat with while I tackle my dish mountain. Way better than doing them alone. >
  
  This is called "body doubling" in the ADHD world, it's a very effective tool for getting chores done. I have 1 friend who's allowed to see my messy house and it'll get pretty clean by time she leaves.
  Edit: people in general can benefit from this, it's just particularly useful for those who struggle to do  chores/other tasks for whatever reason >
  
  Is this why I study/work wayyy more efficiently when I'm around other people? I wish I learned this term years ago >
  
  The simple way I understand my ADHD & GAD is the Buddhist term “Monkey Mind.” I have an overactive one, so some type of stimulation to keep me present, helps the other part of my brain focus. In school I always could listen better if I was doodling. >
  
  I too could listen better if I was doodling. Teachers never understood that and forced me to sit straight and stare at the board. 
  Now I have a office job and during meetings I still doodle the fuck out of things. I don't even care what somebody thinks of me anymore. They may fire me one day soon. I'm already mentally prepared for it. Maybe I'll sue them for discriminating me for my ADD or something. 
  Fuck people. >
  
  I’ve become over time what I think of as a “functioning” person. Instead of doodling which can be distracting for others I have this set of magnets that I can constantly flip inside and out in different ways, I highly recommend giving them a try. Anything small that’s not distracting to others, doesn’t need to be looked at while using, and can be kept in your hand/pocket is helpful. >
  
  Do they make noise when you move them? As someone with misophonia and anxiety repetitive noises can be incredibly distracting.
  Schools used to give each student a peppermint before standardized tests because it was supposed to boost concentration or something. So people like me spent the first 15-20 minutes of the test working so hard to block out all of the mouth noises cause by a room full of just slurping on a peppermint that we were already mentally exhausted before we really got started. Then there were of course the couple that saved it and started slurping and hour in. 
  Then the fidget tools became popular and the constant clicking, whooshing, tapping, clanking, etc. made it impossible to focus. 
  So, I ask if they are quiet because I’d like to have an option to share with people when the situation arises. Cheers. >
  
  They sort of depend on how the person uses them. They do have the potential for making noise, but only if they click together quickly. If you don’t want them to make noise, they won’t, but it’s totally up to how the user plays with them. >
  
  I don't know about anybody else but I keep my place clean to help stave off the looming depression...A clean environment to chill in is really nice. >
  
  My depression keeps me from cleaning >
  
  Can you smoke weed? That helps me. >
  
  I don’t like smoking anything.  I’d love some weed I didn’t have to smoke >
  
  Get edibles? >
  
  I’ve tried some chocolates and noticed nothing >
  
  That's unusual, whether you like them or not you should notice something. >
  
  It's actually not super uncommon. Quite a few people lack the enzyme to digest THC properly, first time I got my best friend high I gave him about 30mg of edibles and he didn't feel a thing. >
  
  You gave someone 30mg of edibles for their first time getting high? >
  
  Sorry I should have been more specific. We started with 5mg, then after a few hours we started building from there. It was around 30mg in total. >
  
  It’s easier to keep the house straightened/tidied. If friends are coming over, clean anything that stands out as being dirty. If they’re coming over on short or no notice, they’ll have to overlook uncleanliness. At least that’s my policy. (My rather spontaneous-minded friends show up on short notice at least once a week). >
  
  Dude this is something I wish my wife would understand and implement. She's a major scatterbug, in that all her shit is scattered everywhere all the time, whereas I tend to keep my stuff in somewhat designated piles. Every time there's even a notion of people coming over, she goes into frenzy cleaning and drags me along. I keep trying to hammer into her that if she'd just keep her shit picked up as she went along, we wouldn't have the stress and headaches of frantically picking up the house last minute. She's getting better about it, but god damn woman lol.
  For the record, I love the fuck outta my wife, even if she is a nut job from Mars. >
  
  We might be married to the same woman. >
  
  My wife apparently has a lot of spouses. >
  
  They're onto me >
  
  Trying to avoid this woman is the plague >
  
  I think the real gauge is how clean your house is AFTER they leave. The real homies help clean up and keep the place clean. >
  
  a "real homie" wouldn't let their friends clean though >
  
  Why? >
  
  wtf do you mean why
  I'm not going to pass on my chores to them? >
  
  Well with my friends we just do chores together.
  It's nice to have company and the chores get done faster so we can get back to doing fun stuff together. >
  
  The more important someone is, the more I want them to feel comfortable because the environment is clean. 
  Sometimes I go to someone's house and it feels like there is no space for me and I'm afraid to touch things because everything is dirty. I don't want my friends to feel that way. 
  I might be a cultural thing, but in my family it shows you are so important to me that I cleaned everything up for you. >
  
  On the flip side, if the reason you haven't invited me over to hang out is because you haven't had the time or energy to clean, F-it - it's more important we hang out. >
  
  Or if you need help cleaning, i will come help! No judgement. Sometimes mental illness gets in the way and i get it. >
  
  There’s an old saying, the people that matter don’t mind and the people that mind don’t matter. 
  Personally I like to keep my house in a stated of lived in, there may be dishes on the sink but there won’t be sticky stuff on floor. >
  
  It’s not that they’ll mind, it’s that I’ll mind. 
  Edit: based on the responses I imagine many of your lives are absolutely ideal and also that many of you are highly delusional >
  
  Out of curiosity, what specifically will you mind? I had a roommate that felt bad about not having the place spotless for when I came back from vacation/time away, and that felt odd to me because they live there. >
  
  Well it’s gonna make me a little uncomfortable if someone comes over and there’s dirty dishs everywhere, mud all over the floor, pee all over the toilet, etc. Especially if there’s not even a place to sit. It’s almost like inviting someone over for dinner and giving them a cup noodle, wouldn’t you be a little embarrassed?
  Edit: think depression nest >
  
  Well it would make me uncomfortable to be living in a place like that so it wouldn’t happen. I’m talking about whether there’s dishes on the sink etc. >
  
  Ya me too my house is permanently spotless >
  
  I clean my place before my friends come over because I respect them.
  Who wants to hang out at a dirty place? >
  
  Cockroaches >
  
  Oh there'll be roaches, just not the skittering kind. >
  
  I feel like this could be interpreted in two ways. 
  Either your friends don't care about any mess and you're tight.
  Or you care enough to clean the place to give your friends a clean and more chill place to chill at, on a chill night while it's chilly out.
  Edited: typo >
  
  Yeah I felt like the intention of this post is more the opposite of how most people are taking it. Because if you’re incredibly good friends with someone, you aren’t worried about appearances the way you would be with someone who you aren’t as close with. They already know who you are and you wouldn’t feel self conscious about your home being slightly messy >
  
  At the same time, I want to create a nice space for my friends to hangout. Having it dirty can potentially put a damper on things >
  
  Or you can have friends that helps you clean up your place because you have the largest place with the most parking. >
  
  I’m a person with depression and naturally I have friends with depression. Sometimes I’ll go over or have friends over just so we can help clean up each other’s depression nests before we can chill and hangout >
  
  It's great that you have people you can ask for that kind of support. I've also learnt to do that and to ask friends to organise that we go for coffee or breakfast over weekends so I have a reason to get up and going. It really works. >
  
  Right! And the way I learnt to ask for help was kinda funny actually. I was 14 and already struggling with depression but I hadn’t been diagnosed so I was a mess in school and everywhere. My classmate who sat beside me saw how messy my bag and file was and she was like ‘oh my god what’s up with ur bag?’. At first I was kinda ashamed cos this classmate was an all-rounder, straight As, president of student council, the whole nine yards and I thought she was judging me. Turns out, she was genuinely concerned and much to my protests, she helped arrange my bag and files. I wish the best for her always. >
  
  That was great of her. Especially since she was also just a teenager. I was that straight A overachiever until I hit second year university and the bipolar hit me hard. I didn't have any support at the time. Fortunately over the years I found good doctors and good people to surround myself with and I kinda bounced back. Could still have done better for myself had I know who to ask etc earlier, but I guess it is what it is. I'm ok now and that's most important. >
  
  I use the incoming visit as motivation to start tidying up. I'm known to be untidy due to ADHD, but I've really been trying. >
  
  I clean my house because I respect my friends and want them to have a good time in a clean environment. No one wants to party in a dump. >
  
  I realised it’s not about how relationships are, it’s my own anxiety.
  It has not been an easy ride, but one day I decided to practice and stop deep cleaning just because people are coming over. I can do some basic tidy up to provide sitting space, safe walking space,snacks & beverage, reasonably clean wash room. That’s it! I will do the rest whenever I feel like, not whenever people are about to come over.
  Growing up raised by emotional immature parents, I became a people pleaser, over thinker, surviving on walking around eggshells.
  After I left home to study & work, and sought professional help surrounding mental health…I learned to own a voice with respect, learn to create & protecting my own boundaries without being rude. People who choose to judge without being constructive & respect, continue to not communicate their feelings after my rejections, and continue to choose a narrative that doesn’t fit reality & truth, then they aren’t meant to be in my life. >
  
  If you have to clean it they judge you too much and aren’t good friends, or you clean to please them because they are good friends? >
  
  For me it’s the latter. I used to not care but then my MIL said something that’s stuck with me ever since. She said a clean house is a sign of consideration for your friends, and a way to show them you care about their comfort. So now I clean even or especially for my close friends. >
  
  Yeah. I hate being invited to sit on crumbs and have my socks get stuck on sticky sauce on the floor. It's not that I will look down on them, but feels kind of mistreated. When they have infants and toddlers, it's a different story because I'm there to clean the shit out for them. >
  
  So what you're saying is rent an infant or toddler for when people come over so I don't have to clean? >
  
  I'll lease you mine for $30 an hour. I'm paying you, of course. Do you know CPR? >
  
  Yeah, of course I know CPR, who doesn't? But just so we're clear, what do you mean by CPR? >
  
  You know what? Doesn't matter. I'll be back in 4 hours. >
  
  I wish my wife felt this way. No matter who comes over she gets manic and cleans like crazy. Even friends who’s houses are messy come to visit she’s gotta clean like we’re about to perform surgery. >
  
  I’m like this, but really I just like a clean place and it’s an excuse. The best case scenario is a friend canceling after I’ve cleaned and I can just enjoy my extra clean space. >
  
  Hit me right in the feels >
  
  My cleaning hack is if you see it, do it, right then. But ONLY do that one task (unless you have the time, energy, and inclination to do more, that is)
  Examples:
  Step out the shower and notice the bathroom window sill is dusty? Wipe it down there and then. Don't worry if the rest of the bathroom is also overdue for doing
  Grab the toaster out the cupboard and notice crumbs on the shelf? Wipe that shelf down there and then. It doesn't matter if the rest of the pantry is also overdue for sorting out and cleaning
  Taking food out the microwave and notice the outside is covered in greasy fingerprints? Wipe down the door, don't stress that the inside also needs doing.
  I find this helps by getting around your depression or chronic illness by just doing something. You get to feel better right away. Maybe you'll feel inspired to do more. Maybe not. And that's okay too.
  It also lets you give yourself permission to halfass things rather than get so overwhelmed by the size of the job that you don't start at all.
  [Bonus tip, I also keep a dust buster on the kitchen counter (out of sight, out of mind) so I can grab it and quickly suck up that dust bunny, or breadcrumbs on the floor etc, without having to stress about dragging the vacuum out, and then feeling obligated to vacuum the whole house] >
  
  Clearly my mom doesn’t think our own family are close enough to leave any sort of mess around. >
  
  My mom has to find weird angles to take picture of food to send to my grandparents because "they'll fuss if they see the mess." >
  
  Are bugs friends? 
  Lol jk, I try to maintain some clean just so I can make myself sit down and stop doing chores and if someone needs to poo I don't want them to feel gross in my bathroom etc. 
  But no one comes here anyway so it really doesn't matter.. my only friends that have stopped by are confused when I apologize for the mess and I realize it's not so bad after all when I look around. I don't think it's clean but they seem to lol >
  
  It's a bell curve. Don't care about them, don't clean for them. Care about them and what they think, clean for them. Love them and willing to open up my true self, don't clean for them. >
  
  There is an inverted bell curve for me.
  Clean it well for newer friends. Don't care too much for people I have known a bit. But my oldest and dearest friends I want it clean for them.
  No logic or reason. >
  
  Every time my best friend is coming over I make sure I cleanup the house because I respect him.
  I don't think just because the friendship is close it means that you can invite people over to a dirty house. >
  
  “I am here to visit you, not see your house” my standard response to awkward home situations. >
  
  I always clean my house when guests come over. I don't like going to somebody's house and it smells like garbage or there's stuff everywhere / on things. Not disgusted by it or anything, but it's just a bad sight to see. Figure it might effect other people so I clean the place up as well. >
  
  We must be awfully close then; not my house because I live with my parents,  but my room is always a mess when my best friend is around. Even early on in our friendship >
  
  I am a horrible housekeeper. I put it off way too long. My sister is coming tomorrow to replace my brake pads. Kitchen, bath and living rooms are now clean after a 2 day blitz. I'm exhausted.  
  It's not that I want to make the place clean for her, she's just so fucking judgey. >
  
  I have one friend who I let see my house when it’s messy. Unfortunately, she and I have really drifted apart over the last year. Pretty sure I honestly just don’t have any close friends any more. :( >
  
  if you need to clean way too much then you aint that close..
  my best friend (RIP) and I comes and goes each other's house anytime, any day.. no need to clean.. >
  
  ITT: unsolicited advice from self-important redditors
  It's a fucking wasteland in here, if you're reading this get out while you can >
  
  A friend will bail you out of jail. A real friend will help you bury the body. >
  
  If it doesn't need to be clean for your real good friends, than sure. >
  
  I would say the real gauge is how long before you can't wait for them to leave.... >
  
  And how long you can comfortably sit in silence, or not speak for months or years and then be absolutely normal when you meet up (apart from any initial hugs and tears of joy) >
  
  Unpopular opinion, but i always clean up before even having my best friends over. I wouldn’t feel comfortable having anyone in my home (even like a maintenance man) if there was stuff, dirty dishes, clothes, everywhere. >
  
  My house is a mess, but nothing is actually dirty, just messy.
  But it still took me a while to let my mum into my house. >
  
  And how much of a jerk someone based on how bad they make you feel about it >
  
  Yeah I don't care and the people I relate with don't either.  It depends how you grew up and not one way is the right way or a gauge of friendship. >
  
  Cleaning your house is a matter of self respect, not friendship. 
  People who have high self respect, will clean regardless. People who have none, they will leave in mess regardless who comes. 
  People who clean only in specific cases -> they don't want to lose respect from those visitors. >
  
  I have so much self respect I don’t need something as arbitrary and external as the “cleanliness of my house” to validate my own self respect >
  
  That is not what self respect means. Self respect is a result of honouring yourself (a.k.a self care). 
  Imagine you go to someone’s house and you find a complete dump with human excrements sitting on their chair. Would you not lose respect for that person? (assuming he is in his/her physical capability to clean). 
  Self respect is not a mindset. It is the result of your actions. >
  
  I’m surprised people are downvoting you so much. What you’re saying is true from a psychological perspective. There are even therapeutic interventions for depression that encourage taking small actions that will result in higher self esteem over time. It’s not like you’re blaming people for having depression. You’re just stating a fact that a clean, safe environment is a good indicator of self respect. It’s also fair to say that people with depression struggle with self esteem which can make self care harder to do. >
  
  From what I have seen, a lot of people do not differentiate between self respect, self esteem, self worth and confidence. If you put all of them in the same bag, you will get mixed reactions. 
  Everyone can pick a psychiatry book or simply google side effects of low self respect. The downvote is not due to rational reasons (there aren’t any real arguments against it); it is an emotional response (people feel attacked and don’t self reflect well). To be fair, it does not make the downvoting less valid. Reason does does not always trump emotions. But in this case, it seems to be a natural reaction of a depressed person (which Reddit has plenty off). >
  
  Damn, I guess im best friends with everyone. I don't clean my house for anyone >
  
  How filthy do you animals let your homes get? Do the dishes at the end of the day. Put your laundry in a bin. Take out the trash when the can is full. Change your sheets every week. >
  
  Dude I’m fucking tired >
  
  I don't know what your schedule is like but I take a few hours on my day off to do basic tidying up. A little bit makes a big difference over time. >
  
  The real gauge of friendship is how much time they wait after your father’s funeral to bang your mom >
  
  Exactly my thoughts. Without even having to ask, mine will help me get things back to how clean it was before they came. >
  
  My Platonic Life Partner has come to pet sit when our Apt was a biohazard.  I feel this statement in my bones. >
  
  My husband's best friend popped in all the time and often picked up the broom or started wiping down surfaces without being asked. Miss having him around >
  
  My friends tidy my house while they are here. I have young kids, they are mostly childfree.
  They are awesome >
  
  In that case, anyone can be my friend, any time.
  (my house is a mess constantly) >
  
  well im either bffs with every person in existence or mortal enemies..i cant tell which >
  
  I always tidy my house for guests. It’s more for me than them though  I want to enjoy chilling without having nagging thoughts about my house being a mess . >
  
  Seeing most comments I realise I'm different - I don't bother if I barely know someone because I don't care, for close friends though I clean and make sure everything feels nice and I have something surprisingly good to offer etc >
  
  Clean before my firiends come over? For whatever what for? If we aint having a party they're dealing with it 😅 but for serious I'm finally coming through a severe depression and my apartment was definitely a physical manifestation of my mental illness. They supported me through the entire thing 🥺 >
  
  Was a messy for a while. Still had a bunch of friends come over as long as it wasn’t smelly. Love that I know I have these friends