comment: >
  
  omg i swear, i had a guy comin over for a date n i cleaned everything spotless 😂friends tho, nah i seen their pigsty
context: This is a friendly reminder to read our rules.
  Remember, /r/Showerthoughts is for showerthoughts, not "thoughts had in the shower!"
  (For an explanation of what a "showerthought" is, please read this page.)
  Rule-breaking posts may result in bans. >
  
  I cleaned my house before I got my cat because I wanted to make a good first impression. >
  
  First impressions matter >
  
  Furst impressions matter >
  
  Did they get rid of free awards? You needs one. >
  
  hold my beer >
  
  Well Mr bacon burger here is awesome. The username does check out, >
  
  I like to invite a buddy over for beers so I have someone to chat with while I tackle my dish mountain. Way better than doing them alone. >
  
  This is called "body doubling" in the ADHD world, it's a very effective tool for getting chores done. I have 1 friend who's allowed to see my messy house and it'll get pretty clean by time she leaves.
  Edit: people in general can benefit from this, it's just particularly useful for those who struggle to do  chores/other tasks for whatever reason >
  
  Is this why I study/work wayyy more efficiently when I'm around other people? I wish I learned this term years ago >
  
  The simple way I understand my ADHD & GAD is the Buddhist term “Monkey Mind.” I have an overactive one, so some type of stimulation to keep me present, helps the other part of my brain focus. In school I always could listen better if I was doodling. >
  
  I too could listen better if I was doodling. Teachers never understood that and forced me to sit straight and stare at the board. 
  Now I have a office job and during meetings I still doodle the fuck out of things. I don't even care what somebody thinks of me anymore. They may fire me one day soon. I'm already mentally prepared for it. Maybe I'll sue them for discriminating me for my ADD or something. 
  Fuck people. >
  
  I’ve become over time what I think of as a “functioning” person. Instead of doodling which can be distracting for others I have this set of magnets that I can constantly flip inside and out in different ways, I highly recommend giving them a try. Anything small that’s not distracting to others, doesn’t need to be looked at while using, and can be kept in your hand/pocket is helpful. >
  
  Do they make noise when you move them? As someone with misophonia and anxiety repetitive noises can be incredibly distracting.
  Schools used to give each student a peppermint before standardized tests because it was supposed to boost concentration or something. So people like me spent the first 15-20 minutes of the test working so hard to block out all of the mouth noises cause by a room full of just slurping on a peppermint that we were already mentally exhausted before we really got started. Then there were of course the couple that saved it and started slurping and hour in. 
  Then the fidget tools became popular and the constant clicking, whooshing, tapping, clanking, etc. made it impossible to focus. 
  So, I ask if they are quiet because I’d like to have an option to share with people when the situation arises. Cheers. >
  
  They sort of depend on how the person uses them. They do have the potential for making noise, but only if they click together quickly. If you don’t want them to make noise, they won’t, but it’s totally up to how the user plays with them. >
  
  I don't know about anybody else but I keep my place clean to help stave off the looming depression...A clean environment to chill in is really nice. >
  
  My depression keeps me from cleaning >
  
  Can you smoke weed? That helps me. >
  
  I don’t like smoking anything.  I’d love some weed I didn’t have to smoke >
  
  Get edibles? >
  
  I’ve tried some chocolates and noticed nothing >
  
  That's unusual, whether you like them or not you should notice something. >
  
  It's actually not super uncommon. Quite a few people lack the enzyme to digest THC properly, first time I got my best friend high I gave him about 30mg of edibles and he didn't feel a thing. >
  
  You gave someone 30mg of edibles for their first time getting high? >
  
  Sorry I should have been more specific. We started with 5mg, then after a few hours we started building from there. It was around 30mg in total. >
  
  It’s easier to keep the house straightened/tidied. If friends are coming over, clean anything that stands out as being dirty. If they’re coming over on short or no notice, they’ll have to overlook uncleanliness. At least that’s my policy. (My rather spontaneous-minded friends show up on short notice at least once a week). >
  
  Dude this is something I wish my wife would understand and implement. She's a major scatterbug, in that all her shit is scattered everywhere all the time, whereas I tend to keep my stuff in somewhat designated piles. Every time there's even a notion of people coming over, she goes into frenzy cleaning and drags me along. I keep trying to hammer into her that if she'd just keep her shit picked up as she went along, we wouldn't have the stress and headaches of frantically picking up the house last minute. She's getting better about it, but god damn woman lol.
  For the record, I love the fuck outta my wife, even if she is a nut job from Mars. >
  
  We might be married to the same woman. >
  
  My wife apparently has a lot of spouses. >
  
  They're onto me >
  
  Trying to avoid this woman is the plague >
  
  I think the real gauge is how clean your house is AFTER they leave. The real homies help clean up and keep the place clean. >
  
  I disagree. Not because real homies don’t clean, but because regular nice people ALSO help clean. 
  I’ve organized many parties where guests I don’t even know would insist on helping with the dishes, putting stuff away. Hell, I’ve had people vacuum. 
  My super close friends by contrast are passed out drunk on the couch, cause they know my house is 100% safe. >
  
  Nah my homies will do that but then clean up in the morning with me.  Don’t even ask they just do. >
  
  How it should be, if they don't they are not your hommie. >
  
  The more important someone is, the more I want them to feel comfortable because the environment is clean. 
  Sometimes I go to someone's house and it feels like there is no space for me and I'm afraid to touch things because everything is dirty. I don't want my friends to feel that way. 
  I might be a cultural thing, but in my family it shows you are so important to me that I cleaned everything up for you. >
  
  On the flip side, if the reason you haven't invited me over to hang out is because you haven't had the time or energy to clean, F-it - it's more important we hang out. >
  
  Or if you need help cleaning, i will come help! No judgement. Sometimes mental illness gets in the way and i get it. >
  
  There’s an old saying, the people that matter don’t mind and the people that mind don’t matter. 
  Personally I like to keep my house in a stated of lived in, there may be dishes on the sink but there won’t be sticky stuff on floor. >
  
  It’s not that they’ll mind, it’s that I’ll mind. 
  Edit: based on the responses I imagine many of your lives are absolutely ideal and also that many of you are highly delusional >
  
  Out of curiosity, what specifically will you mind? I had a roommate that felt bad about not having the place spotless for when I came back from vacation/time away, and that felt odd to me because they live there. >
  
  Well it’s gonna make me a little uncomfortable if someone comes over and there’s dirty dishs everywhere, mud all over the floor, pee all over the toilet, etc. Especially if there’s not even a place to sit. It’s almost like inviting someone over for dinner and giving them a cup noodle, wouldn’t you be a little embarrassed? >
  
  Well it would make me uncomfortable to be living in a place like that so it wouldn’t happen. I’m talking about whether there’s dishes on the sink etc. >
  
  Ya me too my house is permanently spotless >
  
  I clean my place before my friends come over because I respect them.
  Who wants to hang out at a dirty place? >
  
  Cockroaches >
  
  Oh there'll be roaches, just not the skittering kind. >
  
  I feel like this could be interpreted in two ways. 
  Either your friends don't care about any mess and you're tight.
  Or you care enough to clean the place to give your friends a clean and more chill place to chill at, on a chill night while it's chilly out.
  Edited: typo >
  
  Yeah I felt like the intention of this post is more the opposite of how most people are taking it. Because if you’re incredibly good friends with someone, you aren’t worried about appearances the way you would be with someone who you aren’t as close with. They already know who you are and you wouldn’t feel self conscious about your home being slightly messy >
  
  At the same time, I want to create a nice space for my friends to hangout. Having it dirty can potentially put a damper on things >
  
  Or you can have friends that helps you clean up your place because you have the largest place with the most parking. >
  
  I’m a person with depression and naturally I have friends with depression. Sometimes I’ll go over or have friends over just so we can help clean up each other’s depression nests before we can chill and hangout >
  
  It's great that you have people you can ask for that kind of support. I've also learnt to do that and to ask friends to organise that we go for coffee or breakfast over weekends so I have a reason to get up and going. It really works. >
  
  Right! And the way I learnt to ask for help was kinda funny actually. I was 14 and already struggling with depression but I hadn’t been diagnosed so I was a mess in school and everywhere. My classmate who sat beside me saw how messy my bag and file was and she was like ‘oh my god what’s up with ur bag?’. At first I was kinda ashamed cos this classmate was an all-rounder, straight As, president of student council, the whole nine yards and I thought she was judging me. Turns out, she was genuinely concerned and much to my protests, she helped arrange my bag and files. I wish the best for her always. >
  
  That was great of her. Especially since she was also just a teenager. I was that straight A overachiever until I hit second year university and the bipolar hit me hard. I didn't have any support at the time. Fortunately over the years I found good doctors and good people to surround myself with and I kinda bounced back. Could still have done better for myself had I know who to ask etc earlier, but I guess it is what it is. I'm ok now and that's most important. >
  
  I use the incoming visit as motivation to start tidying up. I'm known to be untidy due to ADHD, but I've really been trying. >
  
  I clean my house because I respect my friends and want them to have a good time in a clean environment. No one wants to party in a dump. >
  
  I realised it’s not about how relationships are, it’s my own anxiety.
  It has not been an easy ride, but one day I decided to practice and stop deep cleaning just because people are coming over. I can do some basic tidy up to provide sitting space, safe walking space,snacks & beverage, reasonably clean wash room. That’s it! I will do the rest whenever I feel like, not whenever people are about to come over.
  Growing up raised by emotional immature parents, I became a people pleaser, over thinker, surviving on walking around eggshells.
  After I left home to study & work, and sought professional help surrounding mental health…I learned to own a voice with respect, learn to create & protecting my own boundaries without being rude. People who choose to judge without being constructive & respect, continue to not communicate their feelings after my rejections, and continue to choose a narrative that doesn’t fit reality & truth, then they aren’t meant to be in my life. >
  
  If you have to clean it they judge you too much and aren’t good friends, or you clean to please them because they are good friends? >
  
  For me it’s the latter. I used to not care but then my MIL said something that’s stuck with me ever since. She said a clean house is a sign of consideration for your friends, and a way to show them you care about their comfort. So now I clean even or especially for my close friends. >
  
  Yeah. I hate being invited to sit on crumbs and have my socks get stuck on sticky sauce on the floor. It's not that I will look down on them, but feels kind of mistreated. When they have infants and toddlers, it's a different story because I'm there to clean the shit out for them. >
  
  So what you're saying is rent an infant or toddler for when people come over so I don't have to clean? >
  
  I'll lease you mine for $30 an hour. I'm paying you, of course. Do you know CPR? >
  
  Yeah, of course I know CPR, who doesn't? But just so we're clear, what do you mean by CPR? >
  
  You know what? Doesn't matter. I'll be back in 4 hours. >
  
  I wish my wife felt this way. No matter who comes over she gets manic and cleans like crazy. Even friends who’s houses are messy come to visit she’s gotta clean like we’re about to perform surgery. >
  
  I’m like this, but really I just like a clean place and it’s an excuse. The best case scenario is a friend canceling after I’ve cleaned and I can just enjoy my extra clean space. >
  
  Hit me right in the feels >
  
  My cleaning hack is if you see it, do it, right then. But ONLY do that one task (unless you have the time, energy, and inclination to do more, that is)
  Examples:
  Step out the shower and notice the bathroom window sill is dusty? Wipe it down there and then. Don't worry if the rest of the bathroom is also overdue for doing
  Grab the toaster out the cupboard and notice crumbs on the shelf? Wipe that shelf down there and then. It doesn't matter if the rest of the pantry is also overdue for sorting out and cleaning
  Taking food out the microwave and notice the outside is covered in greasy fingerprints? Wipe down the door, don't stress that the inside also needs doing.
  I find this helps by getting around your depression or chronic illness by just doing something. You get to feel better right away. Maybe you'll feel inspired to do more. Maybe not. And that's okay too.
  It also lets you give yourself permission to halfass things rather than get so overwhelmed by the size of the job that you don't start at all.
  [Bonus tip, I also keep a dust buster on the kitchen counter (out of sight, out of mind) so I can grab it and quickly suck up that dust bunny, or breadcrumbs on the floor etc, without having to stress about dragging the vacuum out, and then feeling obligated to vacuum the whole house] >
  
  Clearly my mom doesn’t think our own family are close enough to leave any sort of mess around. >
  
  My mom has to find weird angles to take picture of food to send to my grandparents because "they'll fuss if they see the mess." >
  
  It's a bell curve. Don't care about them, don't clean for them. Care about them and what they think, clean for them. Love them and willing to open up my true self, don't clean for them. >
  
  Are bugs friends? 
  Lol jk, I try to maintain some clean just so I can make myself sit down and stop doing chores and if someone needs to poo I don't want them to feel gross in my bathroom etc. 
  But no one comes here anyway so it really doesn't matter.. my only friends that have stopped by are confused when I apologize for the mess and I realize it's not so bad after all when I look around. I don't think it's clean but they seem to lol >
  
  Every time my best friend is coming over I make sure I cleanup the house because I respect him.
  I don't think just because the friendship is close it means that you can invite people over to a dirty house. >
  
  There is an inverted bell curve for me.
  Clean it well for newer friends. Don't care too much for people I have known a bit. But my oldest and dearest friends I want it clean for them.
  No logic or reason. >
  
  “I am here to visit you, not see your house” my standard response to awkward home situations. >
  
  I always clean my house when guests come over. I don't like going to somebody's house and it smells like garbage or there's stuff everywhere / on things. Not disgusted by it or anything, but it's just a bad sight to see. Figure it might effect other people so I clean the place up as well. >
  
  We must be awfully close then; not my house because I live with my parents,  but my room is always a mess when my best friend is around. Even early on in our friendship >
  
  I am a horrible housekeeper. I put it off way too long. My sister is coming tomorrow to replace my brake pads. Kitchen, bath and living rooms are now clean after a 2 day blitz. I'm exhausted.  
  It's not that I want to make the place clean for her, she's just so fucking judgey. >
  
  I have one friend who I let see my house when it’s messy. Unfortunately, she and I have really drifted apart over the last year. Pretty sure I honestly just don’t have any close friends any more. :( >
  
  if you need to clean way too much then you aint that close..
  my best friend (RIP) and I comes and goes each other's house anytime, any day.. no need to clean.. >
  
  ITT: unsolicited advice from self-important redditors
  It's a fucking wasteland in here, if you're reading this get out while you can >
  
  A friend will bail you out of jail. A real friend will help you bury the body. >
  
  If it doesn't need to be clean for your real good friends, than sure. >
  
  I would say the real gauge is how long before you can't wait for them to leave.... >
  
  And how long you can comfortably sit in silence, or not speak for months or years and then be absolutely normal when you meet up (apart from any initial hugs and tears of joy) >
  
  Unpopular opinion, but i always clean up before even having my best friends over. I wouldn’t feel comfortable having anyone in my home (even like a maintenance man) if there was stuff, dirty dishes, clothes, everywhere. >
  
  My house is a mess, but nothing is actually dirty, just messy.
  But it still took me a while to let my mum into my house. >
  
  And how much of a jerk someone based on how bad they make you feel about it >
  
  Yeah I don't care and the people I relate with don't either.  It depends how you grew up and not one way is the right way or a gauge of friendship. >
  
  Cleaning your house is a matter of self respect, not friendship. 
  People who have high self respect, will clean regardless. People who have none, they will leave in mess regardless who comes. 
  People who clean only in specific cases -> they don't want to lose respect from those visitors. >
  
  I have so much self respect I don’t need something as arbitrary and external as the “cleanliness of my house” to validate my own self respect >
  
  That is not what self respect means. Self respect is a result of honouring yourself (a.k.a self care). 
  Imagine you go to someone’s house and you find a complete dump with human excrements sitting on their chair. Would you not lose respect for that person? (assuming he is in his/her physical capability to clean). 
  Self respect is not a mindset. It is the result of your actions. >
  
  I’m surprised people are downvoting you so much. What you’re saying is true from a psychological perspective. There are even therapeutic interventions for depression that encourage taking small actions that will result in higher self esteem over time. It’s not like you’re blaming people for having depression. You’re just stating a fact that a clean, safe environment is a good indicator of self respect. It’s also fair to say that people with depression struggle with self esteem which can make self care harder to do. >
  
  From what I have seen, a lot of people do not differentiate between self respect, self esteem, self worth and confidence. If you put all of them in the same bag, you will get mixed reactions. 
  Everyone can pick a psychiatry book or simply google side effects of low self respect. The downvote is not due to rational reasons (there aren’t any real arguments against it); it is an emotional response (people feel attacked and don’t self reflect well). To be fair, it does not make the downvoting less valid. Reason does does not always trump emotions. But in this case, it seems to be a natural reaction of a depressed person (which Reddit has plenty off). >
  
  Damn, I guess im best friends with everyone. I don't clean my house for anyone >
  
  How filthy do you animals let your homes get? Do the dishes at the end of the day. Put your laundry in a bin. Take out the trash when the can is full. Change your sheets every week. >
  
  Dude I’m fucking tired >
  
  I don't know what your schedule is like but I take a few hours on my day off to do basic tidying up. A little bit makes a big difference over time. >
  
  The real gauge of friendship is how much time they wait after your father’s funeral to bang your mom >
  
  Exactly my thoughts. Without even having to ask, mine will help me get things back to how clean it was before they came. >
  
  My Platonic Life Partner has come to pet sit when our Apt was a biohazard.  I feel this statement in my bones. >
  
  My husband's best friend popped in all the time and often picked up the broom or started wiping down surfaces without being asked. Miss having him around >
  
  My friends tidy my house while they are here. I have young kids, they are mostly childfree.
  They are awesome >
  
  In that case, anyone can be my friend, any time.
  (my house is a mess constantly) >
  
  well im either bffs with every person in existence or mortal enemies..i cant tell which >
  
  I always tidy my house for guests. It’s more for me than them though  I want to enjoy chilling without having nagging thoughts about my house being a mess . >
  
  Seeing most comments I realise I'm different - I don't bother if I barely know someone because I don't care, for close friends though I clean and make sure everything feels nice and I have something surprisingly good to offer etc >
  
  Clean before my firiends come over? For whatever what for? If we aint having a party they're dealing with it 😅 but for serious I'm finally coming through a severe depression and my apartment was definitely a physical manifestation of my mental illness. They supported me through the entire thing 🥺 >
  
  Was a messy for a while. Still had a bunch of friends come over as long as it wasn’t smelly. Love that I know I have these friends >
  
  I’m confused. I spend more time cleaning cuz the persons opinion matters more? Or less time cleaning cuz friend is like family and everyone is super comfortable? >
  
  Just so we're clear...the messier your house can be before the friend comes over, the better the friendship, because that means you don't need to make a good impression, they know you well enough.
  Now of course overall it's better to keep your place tidy and clean, and nobody likes to step in a filthy place. But once basic hygiene is reached, if there's a T-shirt on the chair, there's a T-shirt on the chair and a good friend won't care. >
  
  No matter how close I am to someone, I'd want my place to be clean and welcoming. >
  
  Correction: "the real gauge of HOW YOU PERCEIVE friendship is how clean your house needs to be before they can come over" >
  
  I always sneak my best friend into my bedroom and it's always messy af. First time it happened he was so relieved that he wasn't the only one with a trashy bedroom LOL >
  
  Nah, the real gauge is WHY you clean up. If you clean up because you want them to feel welcome, or if you feel like you have to clean up to not receive any shit from them. >
  
  That's more of a gauge of how you want to be seen than genuine friendship. I don't care if someone is my best friend or an acquaintance - my house will be clean. >
  
  Alternatively, how much one of you guys can get hurt with the other one still making fun of it. >
  
  Clean for good impression < messy coz they're good friends < clean so they won't get hurt stepping on legos >
  
  Y’know some people just kinda have a clean house all the time. I don’t but I’ve heard tell of these people >
  
  They don’t have pets or kids >
  
  As I've gotten older (36 now), my house is always tidy. The problem is finding that perfect 1 hour slot where you and your friend are both available xD >
  
  i think there needs to be a differentiation between clean and tidy. no matter how good your friendship, someone else's dirt is always gross. >
  
  Hey, need you to come help me clean this place up, got new friends coming over. >
  
  Make friends with good principles, not superficial things you have in common. >
  
  Before my best friend passed away, I used to help her clean up the house, and vice versa >
  
  My sister has a really good saying for this — “if you tidy up before I come, I feel like company. If you don’t, I feel like your sister.”  Works for close, good friends too >
  
  As someone without EFD, I want a sign that says "If you come to see me, come anytime.  If you come to see my house, make an appointment." lol >
  
  My house needs to be clean before anyone comes over. The real gauge is if I change out of my pjs. >
  
  Idgaf, you can get to know me better by seeing my squalor. 
  Unless it's a woman, in which case you could see your reflection on the counters and eat off the floor. >
  
  This is my number one recommendation for making mom-friends. Find one whose house is of similar cleanliness. Then you don’t constantly stress, OR decline visits because you’re not prepared. My mom-bff and I are both adhd moms and appreciate we can make last-minute plans without any pressure on the house. >
  
  Reading this on my cleaning break before friends come over to watch the playoffs. Oh boi