comment: >
context: "We didn't get any matches so it seems like Santa is a man with no criminal record. And it seems like Santa uses humans instead of reindeer for his sled." >
  
  No criminal record? Santa Claus, AkA Kris Kringle, AKA Father Christmas, AKA Saint Nick, AKA Pere Noel has over 200 BILLION accounts of break and entering with millions more charges for minor thefts (Usually baked good in the homes he invades).  He's so dangerous that NORAD dedicates significant time to track his every movement. >
  
  Miss, I don’t know how to tell you this…YOUR FATHER IS SANTA CLAUS! >
  
  “Oh my god… my mom had an AFFAIR with Santa Claus?! How will I tell dad?” >
  
  Well, I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. >
  
  
  The young girl asked the police to run a DNA test on a partially eaten cookie and carrot remains presumably consumed by Santa Claus and some of his nine reindeer on Christmas Eve. "This young lady obviously has a keen sense for truth and the investigative process and did a tremendous job packaging her evidence for submission," Cumberland's police chief, Matthew J. Benson, said in the release. The Cumberland Police Department responded to the young girl with "some already uncovered evidence in support of Santa Claus' presence in her neighborhood" on Christmas Eve, a photo of what appeared to be a deer with antlers. >
  
  At that point the parents should probably just tell her the truth.