>
I don’t think that this is unpopular as long as you aren’t making fun of your partner. You can break up with someone for whatever reason that you want. As long as you hold yourself to the same standard then I don’t think you’re an asshole although I wouldn’t leave a serious partner for any of these reasons. >

"Honey, I love that we're sipping tea in Milan... I just wish you weren't such a fatty. Ciao!" >

"Darling, I have found my soulmate in you... but I know four fat people and three of them are you lmao cyaaaaa" >

Cheating because your partner becomes unattractive still makes you an asshole however, break up and then look >

He didnt talk about cheating y’all love the word cheating nowadays >

I feel losing attraction to your partner and cheating goes hand in hand for a lot of people and by the way they said it’s fine to look for better options makes it sound to me like they mean during relations. And when the topic of relationships comes up of course cheating is going to come up with it, I don’t have statistics but I’m sure upwards of 70% of active people having relationships have been cheated on and it’s the worst way for it all to happen. >

I have personally never cheated on a partner, but I have no qualms over leaving someone when my needs and concerns aren't met, I hold myself to the same standard. >

That’s really great and I think that’s how it should be, I’m sure the fact that I’ve been cheated on made me read differently into the words than a way you meant them >

It always sucks when someone stabs you in the back and you have my honest condolences.
No one deserves that level of betrayal. >

There's not working out/taking care of yourself and then there's just getting older. If you can't handle wrinkles or gray hairs and want someone younger, check yourself. You might be Leonardo Dicaprio >

Leonardo Dicaprio is completely entitled to leave women the moment they turn 25.
That doesn’t preclude him from being a shallow asshole. >

It is a question of lack of basic effort. >

Yep. That should be the case. If they intentionally disregard their health. Living healthy, having good hygiene, and the likes need effort. >

I mean, it depends on how important physical attractiveness is to the relationship. It is for some, it isn’t for others. But here’s the bottom line: 
If you are unhappy with a relationship and are unable to work on it, leave. Relationships take work but they don’t demand misery. Don’t stick around if you’re that unhappy for any reason. What’s the point? Better your ex-partner gets the chance to find someone better for them and vice versa. >

Relationships take work but they don't demand misery is a great quote friend. >

Lol thank you! >

Well as we age we inherently become less attractive pretty much. It doesn't make you an asshole to leave someone for that reason if they are simply your girlfriend or boyfriend. Although if it's your spouse that seems rather petty. If you made a vow to stay someone through sickness and health and then bolt because they don't look so good at 40 then that's kind of an asshole? >

I think theres a big distinction between aging with grace and just letting yourself go. I don't mind wrinkles and have dated women way above my age, not taking a few hours a week to work out or work on the way you dress are personally big no-nos for me. >

Hard agree, which is why I'm not working that hard to be physically attractive in the first place. I focus on being healthy.
Nothing about keeping myself perpetually uncomfortable to look good to others is appealing. Other people simply ain't worth that, man. >

If you're only in a relationship because of your partner's looks instead of how they really are on the inside, then you're an asshole >

I think that's a bit of an oversimplifcation.
Ugly people can have shit personalities, attractive people can have good personalities, I'd say most people chose their partners based of the intersection of both. >

Except there's a physical attraction that occurs when you first meet someone.  When they feel it back, there's nothing better in the world.  You want to be around them all the time.  Your brain gets a bath in dopamine and serotonin every time you see them.  Because of the chemicals, you're physically incapable of seeing flaws in that person.  It's a magical time for both people.
But that only last 12-18 months.  After that, you start seeing how annoying they are... they're probably not as physically attractive as they used to be... it doesn't matter how hot they are or how good at anything they are, this happens for every single relationship.  So after 12-18 months, you have to decide whether that person is worth being with, even without the chemical brain bath.  Are they someone that you can talk to, that you can enjoy life with, that has similar financial goals and wants to go on the same adventures?  Are they someone who wants the same number of kids as you, who won't betray you later, who won't betray you later because you got depressed and fat?
You're going to fall out of love in every single relationship.  You're going to lose physical and emotional attraction.  If you're chasing that chemical bath and not choosing someone based on the above criteria, then you're never going to be in a real relationship... one that you have to work at every single day... one that you have to wake up every single day and make the choice to love your husband or wife, no matter what they look like, no matter what they've done to you... one that is going to hit rough times and then you're going to have to work even harder.  But also one that gives you a partner to tackle all the shitty stuff in life.  A partner for adventures and learning new things and having fun times with too.
I'll take a real relationship over those first months any day of the week.  There's just something so much more deep and meaningful about it. >

As I said in other replies, I don't think it has to be one or the other, people can be some level of both attractive and emotionally capable at the same time. >

The issue is looking while still in a relationship. You can’t window shop like that. >

If it is only a matter of "making efforts", you can always talk about it to your partner. Once you're in a relationship long enough you can become "lazy" and stop making efforts for your partner. It happens to most of us. >

I am in my 30s and have personally never lost the interest to keep working on myself, I think it is fair to demand, in some capacity, the same standard I hold myself to. >

You are absolutely right why I stay with somebody who you are no longer attracted to you're miserable their miserable leave them and look for somebody else who you are attracted to >

It's one of those things where there's a definite gender-based double standard.  A woman leaving a man she's no longer attracted to is "just being honest about what she wants", but a man leaving a woman he's no longer attracted to is "being superficial and petty." >

If you leave your partner because her body changes after giving birth to your children you're the biggest AH.
If you want to leave because they just stopped exercising and started overeating, that's fine. >

I mean I think there's a lot more nuance to the situation. Suddenly deciding to up and leave one day because your partner weights 20 more pounds than a few months ago is absurd.
Communication over a long period of time, ie telling them how you feel about it, making sure it isn't some mental issue, depression etc and then them still refusing to change within reason? Then it's okay. >

it makes you a vain person. since when is marriage about looks? >

It always was, you were kidding yourself if you thought otherwise. 
What's the number one phrase for a bride in her dress and everything? I think it's "beautiful" >

Well, that would certainly explain why you don't get any play at all. >

Hey man, I own it. I'm an ugly guy, me not getting tail is right in line with my own views. >

It probably isn't only because of your looks but if you want to only blame them so you won't have to work on any other of your issues, hey, be my guest. >

Note how you still felt the need to use the word "probably" 😘 >

The sooner you realize there’s more to people than their looks the sooner you will realize you can be attractive as well. 
But random strangers can only remind you not change you. Thats up to you. >

Of course there is more to people than their looks. I have many friends. 
But dating is different. It's often a codependent arrangement with secondary sexual commitments. If I let myself get fat(ter) and lazy(ier), then my wife's group of friends might invoke "men are trash" and encourage her to find a partner that shows up for her more often. I watched my coworkers do that just last week concerning another coworker's fat, lazy husband. 
Please go out and live, being terminally online makes you forget how people are. >

You just spewed the most incel take possible just to follow it by telling others they are "terminally online" >

Please homie you know worse people than me 
Nobody likes hearing this shit, but this shit is real. I'm glad you've been able to conform to society's expectations long enough to feel accepted. I didn't in my youth, I learned from it, and now as an adult I accept it. 
It would be incel if I was constantly coming from a place of entitlement, but I accept things as they are. I see your take as the denial here; if you expect me to believe you would honestly date someone who on the first impression is simply ugly, then I'm going to be skeptical. Prove me wrong, I guess. >

Eh. It kinda does. Means you’re shallow. Which is how most humans work IG. >

This seems questionable, if you’re able to leave your “s.o” whom I assume you “loved” due to their appearance changing.. did you actually love them? My S.O could get trampled, mauled or grow a penis; it doesn’t change who they are. It may not make you an ass hole, but I guess that should be determined whether they’d leave you if you became physically unattractive. ¯_(ツ)_/¯ >

If we’re talking about marriage I disagree. I see you mention you work out 5 times a week and expect your partner to share the same lifestyle. What if you suddenly became disabled and could no longer work out, or even walk? Would you accept your spouse leaving you then? >

I think that's not a question that I or most people could truthfully answer until it actually happens. >

If that is the case u have not been in love with ur SO. 
It is called F+ then (looking for better "options") >

You're will be a lonely human if the major factor in a relationship is looks. Good luck to you.🙄 >

That's not what OP said at all. OP was talking about attraction. That doesn't necessarily have to mean physical appearance. My ex was extremely sweet and polite when we first met. We could talk for hours. He kept up on his hygiene. Fast forward six months. The good manners were gone, he was unbearably clingy, and he could not be bothered to put on a clean shirt every two days. His appearance did not change, but his attractiveness sure did. >

Part of life. You live and learn. >

Marriage isn’t something for you. Once your partner grows old, or has a hunch back, loses hair, etc, then what? >

Kind of a fuckrag move but you do you. >

I'm with my partner because I love them. Their soul is truly the most wonderful, kindest and loving. It helps that I adore the way that he looks. We have been together for almost twenty years. He's seen my body change and I've seen his change. I've cherished him though it all and he has always made me feel beautiful even when at what I would consider to have been my most unappealing. When my partner had struggled with their weight, because I love him I could tell he wasn't himself. We were both going through a bit of rough time and needed our medication adjusted but didn't realize. A little support and love worked wonders and helping each other through that hard time (we both have mental health issues) not only helped mentally, but then allowed us to get back into shape. Oftentimes people have a reason they're "letting themselves go" and in my opinion, a good partner can see the struggle and be supportive. While this isn't the case for everyone, it was what I experienced and I'm grateful we didn't give up on each other because we got a bit round. I also am aware that while we were supportive, we got better for ourselves and it was tough work. I know sometimes sticking by someone who refuses to help themselves can be a losing battle. I guess it really depends on what your relationship is like with your SO. >

Okay well as people age they look different. It’s not fair to divorce your wife because she’s pushing 50 years old and gained 25lbs since you first got married. >

As I said to other posters, what I mean is that I want my partner to make an effort to stay attractive, rather than letting themselfes go.
People can age with grace. >

Sadly not everyone can age with Grace some people even if they take care of themselves might age faster because of genetics >

Do you feel less guilty? Did you get the answer you hoped for from internet strangers that assuages your guilt or your vicarious guilt about whatever situation prompted you to write this and seek validation from total strangers? >

Except if you did the whole part in sickness and in health till death do you part. >

I agree with this. 
Unless the changes are the result of pregnancy or health issues, and if I had children with this person then I wouldn't think to leave and "look for better options" as a default. It'd be a last resort. 
But I agree. As a woman who is very high maintenance about my appearance, I openly expect my partner to also invest a commensurate level of effort into their appearance and fitness, and to somewhat hold that as a value. 
I see so many people take care of themselves and then once they get into an LTR all effort goes out the window. Which in that case, I also don't want to be with someone who only puts effort into their fitness and appearance when they're single but then become totally indifferent about their nutrition/hygiene and fitness when paired up. That quality in itself is unappealing. >

I think you are putting it into a way better perspective than I did, I just wanted to post an actual unpopular opinion to end the year on a bang.
I haven't left a girlfriend yet because she gained 20 pounds, I wasn't very elaborate when I made the post, neither did I expect it to blow up so much.
What has been apparent is that people operate in extremes more than I thought here, I dont think 20 pounds are a deal breaker, especially not after a pregnancy- but not working to stem the decline also is a character flaw for me.
I used to be very much not be conventionally attractive in my 20s (talking 300lbs of misery) and I can never go back to that lifestyle or a partner that pulls me back down to that level. >

I think that’s very thin ice. Id say no but your explanation makes that attitude a bit better. But I think it’s unrelated to looks. If someone lets himself go that’s already bad in itself. One should always try to be their best version. 
Nonetheless I think personality is way more important than looks and I’d choose a hideous person who has a good personality over Someone pretty but toxic any time. But well with good consciousness being able to let themselves go doesn’t speak for a good personality in that person and that’s where I’d try to fix the issue and if I can’t take my leave eventually. >

I think that's a great way to put it.
Refusing to work on yourself out of comfort is usually not a great sign of character in the first place. I do hold myself to that same standard. >

I've been married for almost 15 years. I never cared much about looking good for the sake of my wife. I do the same amount of personal care now as I did back then. Frankly, I'm surprised she wanted anything to do with my ugly ass. I married way above my level. If she has a problem with me now then she changed, not me. I just refuse to put too much time into grooming beyond showering, brushing teeth and haircuts which are really just me shaving my head every two weeks or so. She knew what she was getting into >

Were you really ever in love with your partner? >

Hmm, I guess I don't have an objective answer to that question that will satisfy you - I have definitely been in love or what I would personally consider love is.
But the way we love can be inherently different I guess, I am personally in my early 30s and have had long term relationships and situationships, maybe I have never met someone I truly loved, maybe I fundamentally dont have the same capacity to love someone in the same way you do.
Physical attraction plays a huge role for a good relationship for me is the simplest way I can put it. >

This isn’t r/AmItheAsshole >

he clearly got tilted from reading the sub. it happens. >

It’s not clear. You should log off if people online are making you this deranged because it’s not normal. >

I’m not sure I would say “perfectly fine…” I would say natural or acceptable. Perfectly fine implies desired outcome. No one wants to leave or be left because they stopped taking care of themselves. >

I think there are varying thoughts on what "letting yourself go" means. I can't imagine being with my husband for 19 years, he hits depression hard, barely showers, won't shave, won't do his laundry, etc, and I'm like so anyway I'm moving out lol In my mind that would be a very asshole thing to do, and I'd never do it. Maybe you're talking about you're not that serious and they gain a few pounds? Idk. Healthy long term relationships are usually not like well we've aged, so see ya. >

I think that’s fair because a partner letting themselves go also sends a subconscious message that you aren’t worth it to them to put in the effort. 
Within reason of course, like you said, nobody can control aging. >

They must not be so significant, huh?
Maybe just call them your “other”?
If you’re just dating, I agree with you 100% if you’re in for the long-run, you might not have your priorities straight.
I guess I gotta ask, did they let themselves go because it was all just a ploy to find a partner? Or are there other circumstances that have negatively impacted their physical health?
One of those you should walk away from. The other one might be your fault, and you’d be a dick to not help your partner >

Not taking care of yourself is often a cry for help. Instead of backing out when thing get tough you could actually help your partner >

“Appeal to your desires” is a wild phrase Lmao >

Seeing a lot of hate here, but sexual attraction is a huge part of a healthy sexual relationship, otherwise, you’d just be loving roommates.
I agree with OP somewhat, if this has been thoroughly communicated (especially during the beginning of the relationship). However, I don’t think it would be fair to wait until your partner gains weight, then throw this new requirement on them.
We all deserve to be happy and, yes, that even counts for people that wish to be sexually attracted to their partner. >

Yes and no. Are you leaving her / him cause you have a different eating lifestyle snd like doing activities and they don’t  or do you live the same lifestyle and one of you had better genetics. >

Yeah, screw the vows you take. >

Then you never loved them as a person. You only loved their body. That's damn sad dude. >

Leaving your partner for any reason is legit - it's a free society. Asshole badge is something humans invented to shame, you can ignore it or pay attention and work on overcoming the notion of assholeness. 
That said, if you're in a committed relationship, it does make sense to strive to visually and intellectually impress your partner since that's a) healthy since you're trying eat, workout and take care physically - a net good for both b) if both partners are intellectually leveling up, they typically realize the ephemeral nature of looks and mutually grow to fall in love deeper with each other's beautiful minds - that's in short supply these days. >

I sincerely hope you don't ever have kids, then >

I think it depends on why you were with them in the first place 
If physical attraction was thr main/only reason it makes sense.
But if you were with a truly wonderful person who fillls you with joy and toud call a beat friend, I'm not sure why some extra weight would chase you away. >

Yep - I know a lot of them are fake posts - but I can’t stand the weight loss ads where a guy or girl is like 300 pounds and says “my girlfriend dumped me because I’m fat … so I showed her!” Uhhhh seriously? Good for you… but you shouldn’t blame your SO >

This is the exact reason I don't date lol . My weight changes along since I constantly have EDs . So I gain a ton of weight then lose a ton of weight . And that will cause that exact same thing the title says so I just save me the problems and don't date to begin with >

You do realize this is one guys opinion on a subreddit titled unpopular opinion right? >

Wow. You are a superficial asshole. >

This only works if you are truthful at the beginning. Monogamous relationships in our society usually means you stay with your partner in sickness and health and fatness etc. Thats what they believe the contract is between you. If you want differently then tell them at the start and let them decide if they want to stay with you. Then if they let themselves go and you leave then its fair play. >

As long as you are ready for your SO  to do the same to you. >

You aren't describing a SO though. If you are cool with leaving a partner because they no longer make you feel a certain way it means you were in love with how they made you feel and not with them as a person. That's not a significant other, that's a person you settled for for now due to convience/lack of options/loneliness.
What's significant about seing your partner as replaceble? It's mediocre and pretty regular at best. >

It depends on how you view relationships. And hopefully your partner feels the same. I do prefer to bond on more than attraction, and if my partner were to have a horribly deforming accident I wouldn’t leave them just because I’m not attracted anymore. >

Sure, if all you care about in a life partner is looks. 
Fortunately, some of us aren’t actually that shallow, and understand that there are many more important things in a long-term relationship - like personality, compatibility, communication, sense of humour, shared interests, and so on. You do you, but this opinion is incredibly superficial and shortsighted.