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So in order to properly raise the legal defense of self-defense, you must be in present threat of serious bodily harm or death and your self-defense must be sufficient to protect yourself from the harm, but not go beyond that.  This can sometimes be difficult to identify, but the capabilities of the belligerents matter, not because of their gender, but because, well, they matter.
Here is an example:
Suppose someone starts attacking you with their bare hands (they don't have a weapon), you push them away, they then stop attacking you.  You then punch them in the face.
Your first push was completely defensible, however, once they stopped attacking you, you were no longer justified in punching them in the face.  This means that you can be prosecuted for assault and battery for punching them in the face even though they attacked you first.
This obviously can get a bit complicated.  For example, how do you know that they were no longer attacking you and you were no longer threatened?  It can sometimes be difficult and that is what trials and juries are for.  But as I said, the capabilities of the participants matter.  If the attacker is Mike Tyson, you're probably going to feel a bit more threatened than if the attacker is a five year old and the force required to push back Mike Tyson is way different than the force required for a five year old.
Here, it is not sexist to suggest that Dana White's wife is not particularly imposing or threatening.  Rather, it is fairly clear that Dana White hit her out of malice or some other non-self-defense motivation.  Dana White's wife, Anne, went to hit him.  He clearly stopped her from doing that.  He was not particularly threatened by her and yet he hit her anyway and it looks like he hit her more than once.  It isn't that Anne is a woman, it is that she is clearly not a threat to Dana White.
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