>

This, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.
My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.
Every 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.
I promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.
I've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.
Edit:
Shoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.
Thank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. 
Please, everyone, hug your kids and just love them. >

/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub. >

Yeah I use to think "narcissistic" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. 
Only found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of "narcissistic" actually was. 
It was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.
It's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.
So Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.
Yes I fully agree people need a parenting license. >

A question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: 
'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'
I believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well. >


'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'

Omg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.
Yeah I still get random texts of "but we're family" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?
But now you want me to consider the term "family" bc it's not benefitting you?
Like nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!! >

Glad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.
I am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense. >

No you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!
I've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.
I've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?
Seriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job. >

It happened to my wife.  When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up.  It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children >

This seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way. >

I can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates. >

So in America we are expected to try to leave when we're between 18-22. I was kicked out at 18 but I was going to college. I was told there were no bedrooms at either house for me anymore and during the summers I had to find my own arrangements. 
For example my brother lived with my father until my brother was 26. Its important to understand though, my brother was more than capable of living by himself, he was just saving money to buy a very nice property in a major city and the moment he had the down payment he was out the door.
Also yes, my older brother was allowed to live with my dad while they were kicking me out. I wasn't even a troubled kid, I had done really well in school, had friends, and never got in legal trouble. But they just didn't like me. >

It is unfortunately obvious from what you say that there was favoritism, and I understand you because I had the same problem at home, except Im a woman originally from LATAM and women are not only not expected, they are oftenly not allowed to move out until marriage. While living at home my father treated me like shit and my sisters were his angels, so I left at 22 with little to no savings thanks to my ex husband who is finnish, came here and started a new life. My father never approved that I left and he couldnt direct my life anymore so he left everything to my sisters on his will... But see, whatever you and I have in this life, we have worked for it, we earnt it and that is something no one can take away from us. >

My life is infinitely better than if I had listened to him. He's realized it and wants back in but it ain't happening. My parents in law are amazing people that have been extremely supportive and I look forward to returning the support to them as they age. >

I'm glad you have a family now <3 >

I have my first son in March. >

Congratulations! 🥰 >

I’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave. >

Remember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents.  Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help.  Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. 
Just reach out. >

I reached out to my aunt.
She said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. 
So I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas. >

Why is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world. >

Indeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’. >

Does this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ? >

Yes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions. >

I didnt get kicked out at 18. 
No, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. 
There should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. 
Raising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally. >

"I PAY YOUR FOOD/YOU LIVE IN MY HOUSE SO I OWN YOU!!" Is such a toxic behavior that needs to die asap. >

For real. I've moved out a few times on my own and my dad has begged me to come back, so I would eventually cave (because I care more about him than he does me). I pay rent, I buy most of the groceries, I do 90% of the work on every project he decides to start right this minute with no warning, I keep the house spotless, and yet every. single. day. He will scream abuse at me, sometimes for more than an hour (yes literal screaming), and simultaneously act like I'm the most incompetent fuck up he's ever had to burden himself with and the evil mastermind behind a vast global conspiracy to make everything in his life terrible. It's like bitch if I were as powerful and evil as you seem to think I wouldn't be living here, I'd be living in an obsidian fortress floating in a perpetual hurricane fueled by my malign will. And later he'll try to get sympathy from me like all this shit didn't just happen. /Rant ended. >

Damn, I hope you get in a better situation, wish you the best and won't say anything about your dad for respect to you. >

at 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf >

When I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, "you're 18 go sign yourself up." 
As it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out. >

Absent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it. >

It depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved. >

That’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. 
Well that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now >

My mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway... >

I was kicked out at 16 too, & told that when I came back to the house it would be 'just visiting' ie no open family home
Having to be independent early was hard, but ultimately good as I had work & motivation to buy my own house (cheap shitbox) at 20, which allows me more options today >

This happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. 
My mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result. >

I'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you. >

Thanks that made me cry 😊 cathartically. It’s been a big debate but I wouldn’t have left it I wasn’t told to
She failed me a lot after too. Because he threatened her in the beginning to make me do what he wanted, every time I needed her she told me she was scared and ignored me even in places there was security she wouldn’t come. I think I’m coming to terms with the fact she’s just a bad mum.
I can’t talk to anyone real life about any of this crap. I did in detail once about him and this when I was drunk (oops) and they shrivelled up in horror some looked at me like I’m a wounded bird lol. 
But it was really hard to care about normal shit afterwards. People were talking about gap years etc. and oh please tell me more about how your parents didn’t fund your entire trip. MONSTERS 😱😱 maybe if I wasn’t so sheltered growing up I would’ve been better prepared at 18? Idk. I don’t think it’s fair to shelter someone for 18 years then toss them out. We could learn a lot from Asian cultures who look after their kids then the kids look after the parents. 
I don’t think our parents have any right to whinge about being thrown into nursing homes when they’re old, when they kick us out when we’re not ready even if it’s legally/socially acceptable to 🤷🏻‍♀️ that’s just my unpopular opinion >

This isn’t an unpopular opinion. >

Like most of the stuff that’s posted on here >

At this point it's like most of reddit.
It's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.
Someone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly >

I moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. 
I worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. 
That said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or "things."
I had simple pleasures, but my own small space. 
This was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.