>

But you could continually say that, for example my wife was there for me when my dad passed and we grew closer but who's to say that if/ when my mom passes that it won't be worse to the point where it drives us apart? 
There can always be something worse in the future and you never know exactly how it will end or how the other person will handle it, even if you've been through something similar before. Sure you can make an educated guess based on past experiences but you still don't truly know.
Thus far our relationship has been easy even when other things in our life have been hard. If I was a gambling man I would bet that it will continue to be that way but I can't say that our relationship will always be easy, only that it has been so far.
Relationships take effort but they should not be difficult. You shouldn’t be fighting all the time, and you certainly certainly should never compromise on big issues. And they should show you respect. Not the “you must obey me” bs people try to pull but just respect your autonomy and respect you as a person. >

This is the answer. >

My wife and I have been married for almost 30 years. One son. Life can be a pain, but our relationship? Effortless and complimentary. >

I've been in a relationship over 3 years. Few arguments, but none of it is 'work' and has never felt like it. Ones in the past certainly had but that's just a cue to move on if it's chronic. >

Building a life together is work, and building a life together is long.
Which means there are inevitably going to be disagreements and frustrations.  You work through them if you want to build a life together.  Thus, relationships are work. >

Agreed. There’s no such thing as an effortless relationship. People have their limits, but if there’s zero effort to work through differences, then what’s even the point other than random convenience? >

How many relationships have you had OP? >

Lol, none. >


And I'm not talking about important life decisions like financials and having children. Building a life together is work, sure.
I'm specifically pointing out the "work" that people refer to when using this phrase.
Those who have said this in my life use it in a context when discussing disagreements or frustrations with their partner

i don't get this. generally disagreements and frustrations with long-term couples are about finances or having children; so why is this discounted? i mean what takes work is not about whether someone has left the toilet seat up. >

This is what I was thinking.
'Relationships should be easy'
'No I am not talking about all the discussions and things that go into making a relationship.  Those are supposed to be hard.' >

Doesn't sound like you've had much first hand experience in serious relationships.
Even two people who love each other deeply have a lot to overcome if they're going to stay together. That's where the work comes in. >

I haven't been in any relationships, and I know that they take work to maintain.
You are bringing two people with their own individual views, and tastes, and ideas, and trying to create one life together.  Of course there is going to be frictions and disagreements, and so on. >

I think it is "work", it's just if you love them, it (most of the time) does not feel like it and when it does, you know you can get through it because it's what you want more than anything. Finding someone who makes you want to try and makes trying fun and easy is truly the most rewarding thing >

Relationship is work. 
You need to think about the partner, you need to still put in effort every day, meaning you still have to cook for them as you did on the second date, you still have to give them attention, support and time, even if you don't always want to, you must be involved and offer what you also desire. 
That is work. It shouldn't be hard and draining since you love this person and get the same in return, but it's still work. >

I made this point to my ex roommate, who's already getting into fights with her bf. They've only been together for 3 months, moved in after 2 weeks, and started late night fights by the first month. I get consistent text throughout the week about another fight, another mental breakdown, 4 xanx just to calm down, ect. I'm like, it's been 3 months?? Should still be in the honeymoon phase imo. The other day, she came over just so she could shower in peace. Showed up all red eyes. After about 10 mins of venting, she admitted that she hated him yet said she can't leave? People are confusing. >

The "work" people refer to is to not stop dating your spouse and to not stop working on yourself. You've misconstrued it entirely. >

Everythin good in life is not easy. >

You've very obviously never been in a healthy long term relationship >

I don't know, I can't think of anything more than minor disagreement about home decor that I've had with my wife. So far both the day to day and planning for the long term has been pretty easy. Knock on wood because you never know what might happen in the future but so far everything has been pretty easy. >

Sounds lovely. But as you said yourself, you never knows what happens in the future. I feel like one doesn't truly know the strength and depth of their relationship, until they've been through something very life-altering together. Anything from death of a loved one, long term illness, children, financial strain or something along those lines. That's when you'll have to navigate the maze that is your relationship, while being challenged on the ability to stay completely levelheaded. How can you truly love someone, if you haven't consoled them at their lowest point, and have a fundamental understanding of how they'd approach such a situation?
It's like a part of the one you think you love is just completely gone from your view, and once you see it, you may not know if you can handle it.